If I wasn't under arrest and could locate a couple of old eggs, I'd come along.
I'll mail you a copy of the speech.
Can you read?
No, my nurse dropped my glasses when I was a baby.
And that wasn't long ago.
Come on, Leonard.
Don't let that go to your head, Buddy.
She kissed me too.
Sir, Private Michael Jones reporting with the prisoner.
Come in here.
These charges against you are very serious.
Yes, sir.
Making off with one government car.
Yes, sir.
Totally destroying said car.
Yes, sir.
Absent without leave in violation of the 33rd article of war.
Yes, sir.
Taking forcible possession of a trailer belonging to one P.J. Rooney.
Yes, sir.
Rooney refuses to bring charges.
Do you realize you're a disgrace to the uniform?
Yes, sir.
Formerly employed in father's lumber business in Amarillo, Texas.
Why didn't you stay there?
The lumber business is very dull, sir.
And you thought you'd find excitement in the army?
I did, sir.
I wasn't aware we were at war.
What kind of excitement did you find?
Well?
The general has me in a spot, sir.
Have you seen this?
Am I charged with that too, sir?
It's somebody's fault.
Yes, sir.
Stop saying yes, sir.
I want this to be an informal discussion.
Forget that you're an enlisted man and I'm an officer.
Yes, s... er...
Okay.
Have a drink?
You bet.
Water?
Water's all I ever drink.
While we're on the subject of lying... why did you take all the blame for bringing my daughter across the border?
Covering up for her, were you?
Why should I?
That's what I want to know.
Why did you kiss her?
She kissed me.
But, why?
Well, um...
I see.
You had no defense, is that it?
At the time I didn't want any.
What changed your mind?
Any girl that would consider marrying this...
I know, he's no good.
Why don't they run that guy out of the country?
Another drink?
This stuff goes to my head.
I won't be responsible for what I do or say.
Say what you think, but tell the truth.
Why does my daughter want to marry him?
Do you really wanna know?
Yes.
Cause she wasn't brought up right.
What?
She should have had some sense spanked into her.
Look here, my boy.
I've been a busy man.
I couldn't have held down my job and spent half my time spanking my daughter.
I'll admit she'd have been a life's work.
She still is for someone.
And she's worth it.
Don't you think?
No.
You did.
But I don't now.
If I never see her again it'll be too soon.
I don't care what she does or what happens to her.
That's enough! 
Attention!
I'm coming to attention, sir.
But any father who'd let his daughter go to that wild eyed meeting without protection...
You're right.
That is, you were.
I shouldn't have let her go.
Not that it makes any difference to me.
Oh, I realize that.
But it does to me.
I'm her father.
And in my position I can't possibly go down there.
You're not asking me to?
Only as a favor to me.
I wouldn't want her to think...
With Arner around she won't even see you.
Oh, is that so?
Now wait a minute. 
Understand, no old eggs. 
No trouble.
Oh no, sir. 
I joined the army to avoid trouble.
If there's anything I hate, it's a fight.
Alright. 
And report back to me.
Yes, sir.
Another drink before you go?
No, thank you, sir.
That last one got me.
Get me Martin, of the Immigration Department.
Well, well, well!
Rooney, where did you come from?
Right out of that new trailer over there.
That's a present from the insurance company.
Oh, it's wonderful.
It sure is.
Where's your wife.
Oh, I ditched her in Wilksborough.
I came right over so we could all be together.
I'm holding out for alimony.
Hey, where's Uncle Sam?
I have no idea and no interest.
And now it is my privilege to introduce to you our distinguished and brilliant leader.
Comrade Leonard Arner.
Comrades, I salute you on May Day.
A day consecrated to the fight against world tyranny.
The university would not allow us to air our views on the campus but they cannot stop us here.
This is a public park.
Students everywhere are gathering their forces today to save a dying world.
As students of a great college, you are responsible for the leadership of tomorrow.
The wrong people are sitting in the drivers' seats today.
They're driving us to destruction.
It's up to you to take the lead, destroy the old order and create the new.
Militarism must be stamped out.
To you young men I say, don't let anyone ever put a soldier's suit on you.
I see we have two soldiers seated in the audience.
There's Uncle Sam now.
I knew he wouldn't be far away if you were here.
Who let you in?
Get out, soldier.
Now, if the soldier will kindly sit down, I will continue.
Or perhaps he would like to say something to us.
Maybe he would like to come up on the platform and tell us why he donned that uniform.
and why he sells his body and soul for thirty dollars a month.
How about it, soldier?
What have you got to say, General?
I'd be delighted to say a few words to the comrades.
The platform is yours.
Hey, you're not really going up there.
Sure I am.
See that the boys and girls don't play with their dolls and trains while I'm talking.
What's he gonna do up there?
Make a fool of himself.
I wouldn't be surprised.
A soldier ain't supposed to talk, just fight.
The last speaker calls you comrades.
So I'd like to call you comrades too.
You don't mind, do you?
I'll say we do.
You're no comrade of ours.
Now, wait a minute. 
You've got me wrong.
Get him out of here.
Let him talk. 
Maybe he's right.
I wanna be a comrade.
I don't mind telling you that I've had my eyes opened here today.
I'm beginning to think that maybe you folks are right.
What's he driving at?
He doesn't know.
It didn't dawn on me until just a couple of minutes ago.
That maybe I was all wet using this uniform.
Now you're talking, soldier.
But I'm willing to learn.
Bahhh...
Sure I work for thirty dollars a month.
Maybe I am a sucker.
I was offered a job once for thirty a week.
Selling vacuum cleaners.
I was offered another job at a law office with the chance to study law.
But what did I do?
I joined the army.
So what?
What's wrong with it?
Just because I happen to be full of that stuff they call, uh... what is it...oh, Americanism.
But I couldn't help it because I was patriotic, could I?
That's better.
Ever since I was a kid that high I've been nuts about the star spangled banner.
I bet you don't even know it.
I can even sing the second verse.
On the level.
And every time I see the stars and stripes waving in the breeze...
I tingle all over.
And the army is just full of guys like me.
Fellows from the South, guys from the Middle West,
Yankees from up North.
And some of them, I know you won't believe this, but it's the truth, some of them would stick in the army even if they got no pay at all.
Of course, they haven't heard your side of the argument.
They think it's something to be proud of, being an American soldier.
They took the job to protect you and your country in case of trouble.
And there isn't a one of them that wouldn't come through for you.
Can you imagine such guys?
It's too bad you folks can't get a hold of the army and talk to those mugs.
It might straighten everything out.
The way I've been straightened out.
Of course, today isn't the first time I've heard about this Students' League and... how you're trying to save the world.
I've been hearing about it for three days.
But it wasn't until here today that I really understood what it was all about.
The party that explained it to me was a little dumb and kind of skipped over the main point.
But I get it now.
You want to change everything and hold down the flag.
Okay, I'm with you. 
But let's not wait.
Let's do it today.
You all run in glory up to the top of that pole and I'll tear it down with my own hands.
Will that satisfy you?
Over my dead body.
Get on off that platform.
You're a disgrace to the uniform.
What kind of a soldier are you?
We're not here to give an exhibition of tearing down the flag.
No? 
Then what are you here for?
Do any of you know?
We're not here to see a soldier make a fool of himself.
Don't worry about me, partner.
This soldier knows what he's doing.
Try tearing that flag down.
We'll show you.
Looks like trouble.
It's okay with me.
If he ain't careful, he'll get his ears knocked off.
I don't care.
What's that?
I said I don't care.
So the uniform looks a little better to you, doesn't it?
The idea of a soldier tearing down the flag doesn't suit you well in the stomach, does it?
See? 
And you wouldn't let him talk.
He's right.
Then why don't you stop kidding yourselves?
You're all real Americans under your skins, only you don't know it.
And as for yours, truly, let me show you something
I had tattooed to my arm when I joined the army.
I would have made it a lot bigger, but the guy ran out of ink.
Nice form, soldier.
You're alright, buddy.
If you'll take your seat now, I'll continue with the meeting.
I thought you said it was alright for me to talk.
I ain't half finished yet.
Take him off the platform.
Uh-oh, it's a brawl.
Come along, buddy.
Throw him out!
Let me have that guy!
Let him have it!
Pipe down!
Look out, Uncle Sam!
Rooney, do something.
I thought you said you didn't care.
Didn't care to have him hurt.
Oh, well that's different.
Here I come, Uncle Sam.
Oh, this is wonderful.
Get set, Mister Dreamer, there's a big dream coming your way.
Come on, you rat!
We want you, Arner.
We're deporting you on the first boat.
Get that soldier.
Officer! 
There's a soldier under there.
Get him out, please.
What's a soldier doing under there?
I hope he's breathing.
Break it up!
Come on, break it up there.
Come on, break it up.
Break it up.
Are you alright, Uncle Sam?
I'm at least alive.
I was afraid of that.
Your nose is bleeding.
Why don't you mind your own business?
I'd have murdered those guys.
Oh, sure you would.
Only you're charged with so many things now, and murder is one thing Dad can't fix.
Yeah, and there's one other thing he can't fix.
Your marriage.
Oh, that's your fault.
My fault?
If you let it be.
I was turning the whole world upside down just now trying to find you.
How about taking me with two hundred extra coupons?
I wonder who's looking into her eyes?
Breathing sighs telling lies.
Good luck, Dad.
Poor Dad.
He certainly hated to see me go.
He sure did.
He gave me a wedding present of five thousand dollars after I promised never to bring you back.
I wonder if she ever tells him of me?
Iwonderwho'skissing her now?
Subtitles: 
Luís Filipe Bernardes

AEROGRAD
Production of Mosfilm and Ukrainfilm
The Author and Director 
- Alexander Dovzhenko
Long Live Aerograd City which we Bolsheviks should build on the shore of the Great Ocean.
Goodbye, mummy, let's shake hands!
I'm flying away on the shore of Pacific Ocean -
There taiga looms like a high and dark wall -
There's a fog above the tuffets.
Goodbye, mummy, the plane is flying away -
Fly to me, don't wait me back.
It's calling me like a motherland -
Aerograd - the city of my heart!
The city of Aerograd!
Planes are floating above the fogs -
Bearing a soviet star on their wings -
There my dear comrades -
Are building incredible cities!
Night sentry soldiers have exchanged calls:
They've spotted the enemy crawling through the wind and fog.
Ukrainians, Belorussians, Muscovites, -
We're flying to the shore of Pacific Ocean!
Between Bering Sea where drift-ice and squadrons of our whales are walking - and the mouth of Amur super river -
On the shores of Japanese Sea -
the Old World and the Great Ocean are getting narrow.
Strangers are carrying dynamite over the Amur state border - six of them are Russians; two are not.
Attention!
Now we're going to kill them.
A man could be spotted from far away in taiga, if you can read it.
Don't you even try to escape!
I'm dying, eh?
Yes!
Let me say some words before I'm dead, eh?
Let's listen.
Ah, how I hate all your country!
And your nation, - and your tranquility, - and your joy, - and your teamwork!
All taiga, - millions of cubic meters...
So why getting so angry, enemy?
Taiga: 100,000,000 million hectares, eh?
!
Coal mineries, eh?
!
Ore, 100 billion tons!
Let us! 
Let us have it!
Eh?
Gold!
Gold of Amur!
Diamonds! 
Gold!
One billion!
No way
All the Asia belongs to me!
And thousands million tons!
And forests!
And bread!
And wild animals!
And cities from sea to Baikal!
Eh?
Today we've suceeded in smuggling -
a lot of dynamite.
You don't speak? 
Have you lost you tongue?
Is there any need for words?
I spent eight workday units chasing you.
And now I see it was not useless.
You're right with you statistics, - and you've made no errors in your death penalty as well.
As for the dynamite, - I've picked it up last week, -
And buried it in taiga.
Well! 
- stop fiddling!
Stand still, -
I'm shooting!
Now we'll enter and kill...
Come out!
Vasily, - you?
You?
!
Don't move!
Oh, my god!
I've almost committed a mortal sin!
..
What's up?
Alas.
I'm really getting old.
What's up?
My eye was used to be more sharp.
Tell me, did you notice something?
No.
No.
Vasily Petrovich! 
Do you remember?
When we were young boys -
I've killed my fifth tiger - and saved your life!
Since then they've dubbed me "Tiger killer"
Now listen! 
-
My son is going to fly in from Moscow soon, -
He wrote me that 10,000 km is not far away nowadays!
Youth is carving out a new passage to the ocean - and on the shore - where I was hunting tigers - an aerocity will be risen.
This city will decide our fate - and the fate of the Pacific Ocean as well.
So I'm asking you once more, - did you notice a stranger around here?
No!
Thank you, friend!
Farewell!
Take care of yourself!
From the height of mountains, - from the mouth of taiga stream
here is my prophecy:
to the North, - to the West - and to the South - the Red Star - is doomed to perish of the eastern wind!
Shabanov! 
Here he comes!
Here is Shabanov!
Why is he alone?
..
Where are the others?
..
Keep quiet!
In the name of Father and Son and the Holy Spirit!
..
Where did you come from?
Where have you been for so many years?
In Manjuria. 
Manjou-Go.
I've brought you the news from there.
And?
..
In Khabarovsk
I've read "Pravda" on the fence
Then when I sailed, - the fence and the crowd - were still before my eyes.
Then I've bought it - for 5 Soviet kopecks
And "Pravda" has slipped out of my hands!
It was about us.
The radio was shouting it.
It was croaked into my head.
Into the hind-head!
Into the chest!
Where are the Old Ritualists?
!
Where kulaks were escaped to?
!
The horse was frightened
And rushed to the road as a whirlblast
The bascule barrier is falling
And I see -
Our relatives
are carried westwards by antichrists! 
- and westwards!
As a class
With children - and oldsters.
Keep silence!
Where's Nikodimov?
Where's Petrov?
Under the ground!
Where are the czarist officers?
Jesus Lord!
Get caught in the forestries!
Pulled by the scruff from the tree cutting areas - like puppies!
..
Rebellion!
Don't you answer?
Where's Kudin brothers?
Silaev?
Where's Sharapov?
Sharapova Anisya!
Here!
You're a widow!
Help!
Glikeriya Silaeva!
You're a widow!
A widow Marfa Kudina!
Kudina Fekla!
Maria Kudina!
A widow?
Are you lying?
Please say you're lying!
That's his fur cap!
..
I have encountered the bodies by chance, - after two months of wandering in taiga.
And what's with delegates?
Threse Japanese?
Samurai?
This I don't know.
Two of them alone won't be able to get there.
Their guides were killed by -
Glushak -
The Tiger Death.
Tiger can't look directly into man's eyes...
It's roars, - it throws itself onto you like devil, -
but within a stone's-throw it stops for a sec.
It's always like that.
Well, of course, there's a time - to shoot it.
And just imagine - what a force is residing in the man's eye!
Probably you were scared?
No.
The man is to fear.
The man became - so brave!
Are you afraid, grandpa?
Not at all
Yes you are!
You're an old coward - despite you're grown-up
All right, all right...
Sleep now.
You've finally ridden back?
!
..
Yes I have.
But I haven't been riding.
I was flying.
My horse was unable to keep pace -
It spat blood and died.
Then I started to run like a thief - avoiding cities and collective farms, -
forestries...
Three nights -
I was crawling to the sea by a wild animals' pathway
The collective farm...
And who?
!
Koreans!
Fishers!
Our servants...
Wrath is boiling... and boiling...
My tongue is dry
Bring water!
The Earth is round.
And it spins.
Did you hear?
!
It spins!
There is no God!
Women in trousers!
Naked haunches!
There's a music in taiga!
Taiga animals are running away!
Railways!
The trees are cut down on the left!
And on the right!
It comes nearer and nearer and neaer!
And there's an army along the borders...
Army!
Tractor, tractor, -
Bolsheviks are ploughing and ploughing...
They're singing!
Take away the children!
Pilot Glushak's son was born in taiga
Planes are floating above the fogs -
Bearing a soviet star on their wings.
There my dear comrades -
are building incredible cities!
Incredible cities!
Goodbye, mom!
Exactly in 5 min the plane will take up
It'll get me swiftly to the place
Were my dear comrades -
are building incredible cities!
Incredible cities!
Let's dub him "Sim"
Let's dub him "Darsu"
Let's dub him "Van Lin"
Yes, yes, "Van Lin" is good.
"Van Lin" - is good.
Dub you my grandson -
"Pavlo".
It's our traditional partisan name.
There my dear comrades -
Hello, darling!
are building incredible cities!
Incredible cities!
Well, mom - that's all.
Tomorrow at 11 o'clock -
I'm heading to Chukotsky semiisland.
I should pick up an American round-the-world flier.
His plane is broken.
And still tomorrow at 9 am I'll dump him in the US.
How's that?
..
Against the time?
..
Along the Earth rotation - just a bit quicker on that latitude.
My hat!
..
Are you feeling nervous?
That's what I'm calling life.
Oh come on.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
The man is to feared of.
He became so brave.
Right!
How are you?
So-so...
The beast is roving in taiga.
Two samurai...
Two...
Though one of them so to say... - has died.
Yes.
Kind of.
Another...
Shut up!
To make a long story short...
Partisans are going to come together today... - and you'll see.
You Volodya should... - cheer them up a bit.
Yes, Stepan...
To fly 10,000 km is...
Yes, that's tougher...
That's tougher a lot - then hunting alone - a 240 kg taiga wild cat.
Stepan!
Bad people've turned up in taiga.
Stepan!
They are coming from Iman, - from Kor, - and from Puzin.
Stepan!
They got rifles, - but they're not shooting.
They're not following a game.
I know.
Stepan, you always know everything!
You've killed more than some of them.
I saw your footprints near Kudyakov's place.
Well, well...
Your friend has gone.
He's turned into another man.
Oh really?
..
Listen, Van Lin!
Tomorrow follow their trail, -
And nick the trees.
Understand?
Vasily Petrovich...
No. 
No. 
No.
You're a real bear!
How's life up above?
All right.
The view is better, eh?
Is it!
Tell us Volodya about world affairs.
We have our own affairs around here.
International beast is roving in taiga.
Have you seen it?
No. 
But there're some rumors.
Then you'd better keep silence.
Yes...
What?
..
Kudyakov has gone to the hamlets.
Did you meet him in taiga?
I did.
Be aware, Stepan.
He's got something bad on his mind.
I have a feeling!
You'd better keep your feelings to yourself!
Kudyakov's my friend.
So what?
!
I have known him eves since you were a baby!
50 years of our friendship had fled in taiga like a single day.
And every day my eye is filled with beauty of taiga.
And I keep asking myself:
Is there any other equally beautiful and rich place in the whole world?
No, there's not!
No, Maxim, no.
What a jostle!
Ivanov!
Here I am.
Your fame is celebrated in songs!
Is it?
In the combat near Volochaevsk you've got 12 wounds!
Yet you've managed to escape the very devil!
Honorable Red Armyman Pugaev!
Huh?
Who's beaten the patrician sword into collective farm's apiary!
Hey, stop your teasing!
Fearless Syn Xing!
I've almost failed to recognize you!
Savva Shcherban'...
Savva Shcherban'!
I am.
Just a thought about your heroic involvement into Spassk combats - is enough to make me burst of laughter when I see you now!
Well you may laugh...
For me it wasn't funny at all.
Neither it was for Cossacks!
And Japanese!
I've been half-dead with damned fright!
Efim Kosa!
Enough of giggling!
Speak out!
I do.
Comrade collective farmers and distinguished revolutionary fighters!
You're getting older.
You're getting richer and older.
That's ridiculous.
You're feeling that the mighty Red Army is behind your shoulders, - and you don't care a damn what's going on under your nose.
Not at all, it isn't so!
..
It is indeed!
There's a dynamite in taiga and strangers on the road to Aerograd!
Speak, Stepan!
What can I say?
There are strangers indeed.
Shcherban' will be a commander, - and I'll be the guide.
Well, - farewell you old creaker.
Farewell.
The young one is in the sky, - and the old one is in the forest?
!
Go you old forest dog, -
Go!
Hopefully this time the old ritualists will break you scull!
Go, you old vagabond.
Lord!
Why did I marry this tigress?
Well, come on, calm down.
Farewell.
You'll die!
They won't kill me!
My birdie! 
They won't!
Hey you bear, let her go!
It's time.
My dear!
Well, sonny, -
well...
Daddy!
I'm off.
"Rise, partisans!" - rolled out a song of taiga.
We've left home our babies, and shaken hands with brothers -
We've embraced wives - and hit the old familiar roads of taiga!
We'll keep the red banner flying!
Long live our motherland!
There'll never be any foreign flags above our Red Far East!
(Chuktchee folk song)
I'm going to be a flier!
Oh merciful Lord, guard us from perdition!
..
And forgive our wrong-doings!
I won't go!
You've up to a horrible things!
You will go!
Father!
Go with me!
Did you hear?
There's a lot of new laws put into force by the new government - which for us old rutiallists are absolutely unacceptable!
What kind of lessons do they teach people?
What kind of examples do they set?
Bewitchment!
Dancing!
Singing!
And what is the their goal?
To the devil!
We old ritualists have the fear of God!
We're afraid and ashamed even of speaking about it, - leave alone doing!
And in this conditions -
we flew into forests, -
and prefer to undergo countless hardships among the wild animals - to the life in red cities or villages under the devil's rule.
How long?
!
We're afraid of the army...
You've also admitted its might!
So you're afraid?
!
... 8 years we live with wild animals.
And nobody knows about us.
So be quiet!
..
Calm down!
..
Silence?
!
...
You toad!
..
Just slightly lower than that very place - on the ocean's shore - they're establishing a city!
Aerograd.
Today! 
- tomorrow! 
- what would you say to that tomorrow?
!
Brothers!
A city!
What a city!
Life!
Let's do some work, brothers!
..
Go home everybody.
I'll take a short speech tomorrow.
Your noblesse!
They've sorted out and ear-tagged 75 heads like that one!
This night taiga was awake, -
Both men and animals.
Taiga earth is burning with rage under our feet.
Take us and hear out.
Here's delegation to the Japanese Tsar.
Too late.
In a week officers uncontrollable by Mikado - will be attacking the coastland.
So it's time for you to act - locally.
But we're afraid of the Army!
..
Yes.
Army is mighty.
But it has been blooded in previous combats, eh?
It has been reinforced with inexperienced peasants, eh?
Let's go! 
Boot and saddle!
Attention!
..
We're serving not to the people!
But to the God!
Tomorrow we're going to take over Kutsyn radio station!
Then we'll proclaim to the whole world - that the revolution is busted!
As to the collective farm workers and Commissars - and their wives and children as well - we'll stake and burn and drown - until they're dead!
Stop! 
Don't go!
Don't!
We'd better kill them right here.
Let's kill Japanese.
Let's kill Shabanov.
Who's that?
Who is it?
It's probably an enemy agent from General Political Administration!
I'm a collective farm member!
Partisans are close!
They're guided by Stepan!
Glushak?
!
...
Volodya! 
Volodya!
Got you!
You red enemy agent!
Stepan! 
Help!
Help!
Chop off his head!
..
Long Live Aerograd City which we Bolsheviks should build on the shore of the Great Ocean.
Stop!
Don't move!
Cease fire!
Kudyakov!
Folks! 
Kudyakov's here!
Kudyakov?
!
...
Halt!
Stop shooting!
Stop!
..
Don't you dare!
..
Enough!
..
Your buddy?
!
Where are you aiming at, sonny?
..
You're exceeding your authority!
I did not study the law!
But I feel my rights with this corny hands!
Vasily!
Is that you?
!
Yes, Stepan!
It's me!
..
Let's go, Vasily.
I'm ashamed.
Leave your rifle here.
Here's the place.
Farewell.
Farewell.
I'm killing a traitor - and an enemy of the working people - my friend Vasily Petrovich Kudyakov, 60 y. o.
Be a witnesses of my sorrow.
Vasya!
Mama...
Halt!
Please don't provoke me.
Ha, a thrilling list of deaths indeed!
Old Vasily is resting in one's laurels, -
Shabanov' has sailed straight into the Heaven, - hegumen's succumbed to tetanus, -
and now the foreigner is going to stab himself!
Stand up!
Stand up now!
You are sitting on samurai!
I'm very sorry.
Kill me!
I don't dare to.
I'm afraid this would cause a scandal.
It's a pity this hasn't been done - by the workers of your own country!
Well, - you'll die of hands - of wives whose husbands you've deceived!
You think you've uprised the soviet peasantry?
..
My foot!
These are just a bunch of troglodytes!
Here's a real peasantry!
And you've known that perfectly well, - you snake!
People from Kamchatka, Chukotka, Comandor Islands, -
Khabarovsk, Spassk, Volochaevsk, -
Chelyabinsk, Sverdlovsk, Novosibirsk, -
Ob', Lena, Yenisei,
Baikal, Amur, Ussuriysk; 
Buryats, Mongols, -
people from Volgo-Donsk and Syr-Darya, -
Leningrad, -
Moscow, -
Kiev, -
Dneprovsk, -
Zaporozh'e, -
Bearing a Soviet Star on their wings -
Goodbye, mummy, the plane is flying away
Fly to me, don't wait me back
It's calling me like a motherland
Aerograd - the city of my heart!
The city of Aerograd!
The ocean ships are sailing southward
Cold water's boiling behind their sterns
There my dear comrades - are building incredible cities!
Incredible cities!
Long live Aerograd city!
Which we Bolsheviks are establishing today
On the shore of the Great Ocean!
So there's no city yet?
I was expecting to get education in the city!
I've heard about it!
My way here took 80 suns!
Now I understand, - a work has to be done!
All right.
I'll continue my speech when the city's built.
There's going to be a plenty of people, -
Like in taiga village.
Thank you, eaglets!
Thank you for the heights, for the speeds - and for the courage.
I see you and my eye is delighted.
Today my taiga dreams have come to life.
50 years of my life in taiga had fled like a single day.
And every day I my eye is filled with beauty of taiga.
And I keep asking myself:
is there any other equally beautiful and rich place in the whole world?
No, there's not!
So tell me, young men, - who will dare?
!
... 50 years of my life I was hitting tigers into the blade-bone.
Sons of my motherland!
Hit the enemy into the eye!
Hit him into the heart!
THE END

(horn honks)
Wait, I got to find something.
What are you looking for, baby?
My keys.
Here, let me help you up.
No, no, no, no, I got them. 
Olé.
Oh.
(keys clink)
Oops, I dropped them.
Here, I can get them.
No, no, no, no, I'll get them.
(tires squeal)
(gunshots)
(screaming)
(tires screech)
(police siren blares)
(tires screech)
(theme music playing)
¶ ¶
(police siren blaring)
But it's important that I see the inspector.
I have a right to make inquiries.
Oh, Inspector.
Any lead on the girl?
If there was, you'd know before I did.
But if she doesn't turn up by Friday, they forfeit my bail bond.
I've got a bigger stake in this than you have, $10,000.
That's right.
All I've got is my reputation.
You'd better leave that on, Mannix.
You're going out the same way you came in.
I'm Inspector Frank Kyler.
This is captain of detectives, Tom Randolph.
Mannix.
Lieutenant Barry Frohm, Central Division.
Now, what's all this cloak and dagger bit, Inspector?
Maybe you heard about a man named Myles Stroud getting shot to death a few nights ago over on South Tenth.
Mm.
He was an undercover man working for me.
There was a woman with him when it happened.
Mavis Miller.
She was booked into Central.
But she refused to make a statement, and by 11:00 the next morning, she was out on $10,000 bail.
She left town immediately.
Now, we come to the part that didn't get into print.
It seems we've run into a problem...
Oh, the same kind of problem every police department faces one time or other-- crooked cops.
Frank, he doesn't have to hear this.
I'm making the decisions, Tom.
Then make one that makes sense.
Why take a chance on an outsider?
I'd rather risk putting a kinky cop on this than let some two-for-a-nickel private dick foul things up.
Where do you think you're going?
I don't suppose you know how it is with us two-for-a-nickel private dicks, Inspector.
We don't like to get caught in the middle of a cop fight.
Mannix, I asked Intertect to send me their best man.
They sent you.
That's fine with me.
Now get back here and sit down.
Any more objections, make them through channels.
Right now we're getting this man briefed and out of here.
Here.
Stroud was working on a tip that an unknown number of unidentified cops are tied in with a citywide vice ring.
Mavis Miller was handling the payoffs for the police.
Stroud got close to her, they caught on, tried to kill them both.
She got away, he didn't.
Except that she's got nowhere to go.
All she can do is run.
And that's what she did.
That's where you come in.
To do what?
I've got good reason to suspect she's holed up in a rooming house about 300 miles from here.
You're to bring her back.
What if she won't come back?
RANDOLPH:
Since when did guys in your line start worrying about being legal?
Since some of the guys in your line stopped worrying about it.
You apologize.
Apologize to this man or I'll have you up on charges.
I'm, uh...
I'm sorry that happened.
Yeah.
There's a rented car parked on Highway Six, past Conway Park.
The ambulance'll drop you off there.
The woman is at...
Hold it.
Anyone else in the department know where she's staying?
No one.
Then maybe we'd better keep it that way.
Captain, Lieutenant.
Two guys I've known for years, trust completely.
And I stand still while I let you push them around like a couple of pickpockets.
What are you, a cop hater?
No.
We're looking at the ballgame through different knot holes.
Now, where do I pick up this Mavis Miller?
(yells)
Oh!
(sighs)
Good evening, Miss Miller.
What?
What did you call me?
Look, you've made a mistake.
Now let me go!
Behave yourself.
Just who are you?
Name is Joe Mannix.
Well, whoever it is you want, Mr. Mannix, it's not me, because my name is Jean Coleman.
Nice meeting you, Miss Coleman.
Now, get your things packed, we've got a long trip ahead of us.
You must be crazy.
You come charging in here-- nobody I've ever laid eyes on before in my life-- and you've got the nerve to expect me to go...
Look, I am not walking out of here with you or anybody else!
You're leaving right now!
Tonight.
'Cause if they find you here and take you back, they'll step on you like a bug.
And don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about.
Who are you?
Who sent you?
A cop.
No, not the kind you're thinking of.
This one happens to want you alive.
Not that he's particularly fond of you, but he feels with your testimony, it'll help him clean up his department.
Your friend, uh, what's his name?
Kyler.
He's, uh, an inspector from Central.
Yeah, well, what's in all this for me?
He didn't say.
But with what you know, and a good attorney,
I would, uh, shoot for a suspended sentence if I were you.
Oh, sure.
Huh!
I wouldn't live long enough to talk.
They'd put me in some cell, and I'd be hanging from the ceiling before morning.
Or they'd stick me in some hotel room, and I'd fall out of the window.
Oh, no.
Oh, no thanks, Mr. Mannix, because I am dynamite for too many people!
They're people you picked, Miss Miller.
Look, I am not leaving.
Now you get out of here, before I start screaming my head off!
You do that.
Then the local law comes galloping up here and takes us both in.
They find out you're a fugitive, then the desk sergeant makes a routine call to the city, and before you know it, there are a couple of big-time detectives down here to take you back!
Well, you try and get away by jumping out of the car, and that breaks your pretty little neck.
Oh, wait.
Let me go.
Please?
Look, they wouldn't have to know that you found me.
You could tell them I was gone when you got here.
Please?
Oh, please.
(groans)
Now, don't you ever try that again.
'Cause that's how people get store-bought teeth.
Let's get out of here.
Uh, get out of the car and don't slam the door.
Why? 
What's the matter?
Just get out and don't slam the door.
They'll try again.
You know that, don't you?
It's possible.
But you won't let them hurt me.
Oh, no, you'll take care of me-- big, strong private detective like you.
Would it help if I, uh, reached over and kind of gave your knee a little squeeze?
Uh, just to reassure you.
Oh, Smoky the Bear wouldn't like that.
Oh, shut up.
Okay.
(nervous chuckle)
Oh, boy, I guess I'm just plain scared.
If you hadn't found that dynamite...
That's right.
Look, if they knew where I was, how come they didn't make their move before you did?
That's one answer they didn't know-- until I led them to you.
Pretty careless of you, wasn't it?
Thanks. 
Carelessness had nothing to do with it.
Somewhere along the line, there had to be a leak.
(sighing):
Great.
Now here we are on the end of a creaking limb.
You take awful chances, Mannix.
For what?
A roof over my head, an icebox full of food, a jug of wine, a collection of stereo tapes.
Oh, that you can get selling neckties.
You know something?
I don't think you're a private detective at all.
I've met a few in my day.
Usually greasy little guys running around peeking through keyholes.
We come in all sizes and shapes, Miss Miller, like bagwomen.
You're in no shape to throw stones, Mannix.
You...
What's wrong?
(cocks gun)
Get down.
(sighs)
You like it down there?
(sighs)
My mother used to always say to me,
"Mavis, be a nurse.
"There's no finer calling than soothing the pains of the afflicted."
I knew a girl named Mavis once.
I was nine years old.
Pushed her out of a tree-- broke her arm.
You haven't changed much.
(bullets ricocheting)
(gunfire continues)
(bullets ricocheting)
(tires squealing)
(bullets ricocheting)
(tires squealing)
(gunshot)
(car engine starting)
(car accelerating)
(gunshot)
(gunshot, bullet ricochets)
(gunshot, bullet ricochets)
(gunshot, bullet ricochets)
(gunshots)
(gunfire continues)
Mannix, there's the car,
I think we can make it.
Stay down.
Come on!
Mavis!
(gunfire)
(gunfire, bullets ricocheting)
(two long horn blasts)
(car engine starting, car doors closing)
(tires squealing)
(vehicles accelerating)
(intercom buzzing)
Now stick that in your glass case with the others, marked "killed in the line of duty."
It's all right, Sergeant.
Just a little accident.
Yeah, I notified her parents myself.
It wasn't easy.
You mean not easy like finding four sticks of dynamite under the hood of your car?
Or not easy like getting a rifle bullet through your back?
Taking risks is something a cop goes through every day of his life.
Jean Coleman knew what she was getting into when I put her out there in that rooming house.
Which is more than what I knew.
Why didn't you level with me, Kyler?
A good decoy doesn't know he's a decoy.
One false move on your part, one hint that it was all an act, and we're all nowhere.
And even if you had known, what would you have done that you didn't do?
We'll never know the answer to that, will we?
Yeah, that's right.
Mavis Miller really did call me.
Wanted to turn herself in.
I agreed to meet her at 11:00 last night.
But that presented a bit of a problem.
I knew I was being watched.
So to draw them off,
I called the police in Salito and had them put Jean Coleman into that room.
Then I got word around that you were hired to bring in Mavis Miller.
To make sure word got out...
I brought Captain Randolph and Lieutenant Frohm in on your briefing.
The two men you trusted completely, if I'm quoting you right.
The two men I trust the least.
Yes, I know, it's not easy to say.
That's the way it is.
Mavis Miller give you the name of both of them?
She never even showed.
Oh, you really blew it, didn't you, Inspector?
All that fancy footwork, and you still end up without a witness.
And all that cost you was a sore jaw and a girl's life.
You can always take that out of petty cash.
Watch your mouth, mister.
Officer Coleman knew what she was getting into,
I told you that.
What did she know?
That you had fixed it so I'd lead the killers right to her doorstep?
Or did you forget to explain the finer points to the lady?
What do you want?
What do you want from me?
You want to hear me say I'm sorry she's dead?
Well, yes, I am sorry.
I'm sorry in a way that you'd never understand.
But let me tell you this-- if I thought for one minute it would help clear the lice out of my department,
I'd do the same thing all over again.
Do you understand?
Now get out of here!
Pleasant dreams, Inspector.
For anybody who thinks like you do, that should be easy.
(door slams)
Uh-huh.
Yes, certainly I understand.
All right.
Yes, he just walked in.
Yeah, I-I'll tell him.
Uh, good-bye.
Kyler?
I don't believe it.
Sorry, Lou, he had it coming.
Well, that's what he said;
that's what I can't believe.
He say anything else?
Yeah, he said case closed.
For who?
You. 
You're a marked man now.
You're not anonymous anymore.
Neither are the killers.
I happened to see one of them.
You don't think they're going to let me live with my memories?
It's not that bad, Joe.
It's that bad, Lou.
Even Kyler isn't sure which of his men is on the level.
'Course, uh, till he cleans up his department,
I can remember not to turn my back on a uniform.
(sighs)
All right, Mannix.
What do you want me to tell you?
To go and do what you were going to do anyway?
Drop it.
(gun thuds on ground)
Now, just keep it a simple who and why.
Mr. Kelbo sent me here.
Who's Kelbo?
Everybody knows Monty Kelbo, Mr. Mannix.
Oh, I'm sure you've seen his ad, you know, uh...
"Take the E-Z way out."
The bail bond tycoon?
That's right.
Well, he'd like to see you, sir, tonight.
About what?
Well, now, Mr. Kelbo wouldn't be telling me that, uh, Mr. Mannix.
He sends me out to get things for him, you know-- coffee, sandwiches... private detectives.
KELBO:
Ah, Mr. Mannix, how kind of you to come.
Considering the grueling ordeal they put you through this morning, you must be utterly exhausted.
Well, nothing that sitting down a while wouldn't cure.
Orville, clean the chair for Mr. Mannix.
I'm not that exhausted.
A drink, maybe?
No thanks.
Uh, tell me, how did you find out about this grueling ordeal of mine?
Come, come.
The newspapers have the story.
And the newspapers never mentioned my name.
Oh, come, come, Mr. Mannix.
You don't suppose I've been in the bail bond business for 22 years without acquiring a lot of friends.
Yeah, fine. 
Well, uh...
What did you want to talk to me about?
No wasted words, eh?
Right to the heart of the matter.
I like that.
This office posted bail for Mavis Miller--
$10,000.
$10,000.
A mere pittance, did I hear you say?
I quite agree, but, you know, my concern is in something of far more value to me than money.
Somewhere out there, a young woman cowers in fear.
Now, as humane men, we cannot allow this to happen.
You must find her, Mr. Mannix, and deliver her safely to Inspector Kyler.
You know, I-I hate to hurt your feelings, Kelbo, but I don't believe a word of it.
(laughing):
I like you, Mannix...
I really do.
Thank you.
Do you want to know the real reason?
That would be nice.
In 22 years in the bail bond business,
I have not permitted a single client to successfully jump bail.
I repeat, not one.
Well, I'm sure you've got some good men on call.
You must have with a record like that.
Why don't you have them find the girl?
Oh, no, my friend.
No. 
I, I need a man with incentive.
Now, like it or not, you have a personal stake in this matter.
A woman in your care is murdered.
I work for wages, not revenge, Kelbo.
Sam Spade went out when the Great Society came in.
Mr. Mannix... can you, in good conscience, calmly sit there and say to me that you're refusing this assignment, knowing that one woman is already dead and another soon may be?
Um... 
I'll have that drink if the offer still stands.
Orville.
Tell me, what is it you think I can do that you or the police can't do better?
There is one area, Mr. Mannix, in which you alone are competent to deal.
Orville...
would you mind?
(door closes)
What's that all about?
Oh, Orville is a good man, Mr. Mannix, but, uh, I'm a percentage player.
Besides, he's been behaving a bit strangely of late.
All right, now that we're alone, what's the big secret?
Lola Collins.
Lives in the same apartment house that was the last known address of Mavis Miller.
And they were close friends.
Why don't you talk to her?
I did.
She was most uninformative.
However, according to my information, you were once instrumental in extricating her from a most unpleasant situation.
Yeah, something like that.
Naturally, she was grateful.
I wouldn't know.
I didn't send her a bill.
If you don't mind a suggestion, my dear fellow,
I think it's high time you did.
(knocking on door)
(knocking)
Who is it?
MANNIX:
About that used spaceship you've got advertised, lady...
Just in case you think I've got nothing better to do, Mr....!
Joe Mannix!
Now, you wouldn't have a small cup of cooking whiskey around for an old friend, would you?
Get in here.
Oh... 
Joe.
Oh. 
If you only knew how often I've thought about you... and wondered about you.
It's been three years.
Mm-hmm.
You haven't changed a bit, do you know that?
Well... maybe slowed down a step or two, uh... (clears throat) ...another inch around the belt.
Yeah, well, it's the same here, I expect.
Come on in.
Scotch on the rocks, right?
Right, that hasn't changed.
I can't get over your just dropping in like this.
No perfumed note, no "guess who" phone call, just a knock at the door, and there you are.
What are you up to these days?
That hasn't changed either.
Oh, still chasing unfaithful husbands, huh?
Well, the Lord knows, there's plenty of them around.
This is just a social call, isn't it?
Well, uh...
up till now, yeah.
Mavis Miller.
MANNIX (on machine):
She's got to be found, Lola, for her own sake, before something happens to her.
MANNIX (on machine):
Mavis Miller is working the wrong side of the law.
What she knows could get her killed.
Are you working with the police?
Well, that's how it started, but not anymore.
Who are you working with?
Now you know a private detective's client must remain anonymous.
Mine is anonymously known as Monty Kelbo.
(scoffs) That figures.
He's been under my feet ever since the last time I saw Mavis.
For an old friend, Lola-- where is she?
I don't know.
I haven't been out of my apartment for three days, and I've let no one in.
What about Kelbo?
LOLA (on machine):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, I talked to him, but, oh, I wouldn't give him the right time, even if I knew.
Hey, Joe, I'm sorry.
So am I.
I was kind of hoping that, uh... you would help.
Oh, by the way, you'll need something simple, a basic black...
but no décolleté.
What's that supposed to mean?
That mourners are expected to wear black.
Never did know why.
Well, uh, thanks for the drink, anyway, Lola.
We'll have to do it again sometime.
Joe...
Mavis phoned me earlier today.
Where was she?
Well, I don't know;
she didn't say.
In a phone booth, I guess.
What did she say?
LOLA (on machine):
She said that she needed money, that she'd call back at 4:30 and tell me where to send it.
And when she calls, if she calls, you let me know where I can reach her the minute you hang up, you understand?
Listen, Joe, I can't make any promises.
You know, all I can do is ask her...
Don't ask her;
tell her.
Try and get it through her thick skull,
I'm the only hope she's got of staying alive.
Now it's either me or an undertaker.
She wouldn't be safe in a bank vault.
(door opens, then closes)
Who's there?
Open up. 
It's me.
What's happened?
A friend of mine was here, looking for you.
A private cop.
His name is...
Have you lost your mind!
?
I wouldn't trust one of them guys... far as you could throw Nevada.
What did you tell him?
Will you just let me finish?
What did you tell him?
!
I didn't tell him anything!
Now if you will just let me finish!
The next thing you know, they'll be crawling out of the woodwork.
What am I gonna do?
Will you just listen to me?
Three years ago, a politician in this town came that close to framing me into prison.
A man named Joe Mannix, a man who... who didn't know me from the Bobbsey Twins, came out of nowhere and saved my neck.
Nobody hired him to do it.
He didn't ask for dime one.
He wouldn't even tell me why he did it.
Now you try and tell me you can't trust a man like that?
He had an angle, don't worry.
He say who sent him here?
Yep.
Monty Kelbo.
He's really something else, that boy.
You should've heard the lecture I got on how nobody's ever jumped bail on him and made it stick.
Well, I got a lot more to worry about than him and his precious money.
Like for instance, staying alive.
Now, Mavis...
Mavis, you know I'm on your side.
Aw, please...
Please, will you just talk to Joe Mannix?
No! 
Not a chance!
Maybe he's your friend, but to me, he's just another brand of fuzz.
KYLER:
You were hired to do a job.
As far as we're concerned, that job was over last night.
You knew that-- you couldn't help but know it.
Now I find you've been snooping around
Mavis Miller's last known address.
You questioned some of her neighbors, you interviewed her friend, Lola.
I want to know why!
I want to know what he found out and I want to know about it now, right now!
I say we ought to run him in, Inspector.
Interfering with a police investigation.
Sorry, but it's against policy for me to disclose information on an active case... at least at my level in the company.
For once, Joe, I think we can suspend policy,
I'd like to hear a report on this one myself.
Fine.
Mavis Miller skipped bail on Monty Kelbo.
Understandably, he wants her found-- now, right now-- before your next brilliant gambit gets her killed, too.
End of report.
End of your interference.
There's too much at stake to let you get in the way of police action.
Try and stop me.
Hold it, Mannix.
Relax.
All right, Inspector.
Intertect cooperates with the police, you know that.
We're not glory grabbers.
We don't push in on your territory.
Fine. 
Then keep this clown out of our hair.
The ground rules don't apply here, Captain.
I won't try to pull Mannix off, and I'll give him any help he needs.
Intertect isn't too big to lose its license.
Don't threaten me.
The police have a stake in finding this woman?
What about Mannix's stake?
All he's got riding is his life.
Let him lay low.
We'll find the woman.
Alive?
You stay out of this.
Any time you want to bring us up before the Commission, we're ready.
Your fancy footwork created this situation-- one woman dead, one missing, and one of my men in danger of being killed.
That kind of police work does not inspire confidence.
I am not telling Mannix to trust you to save his life.
Look, I've been in this business for 25 years.
I don't need you to tell me when I've done a bad job.
I played the odds and made a mistake.
It isn't the first and it won't be the last.
You want to keep your boy alive?
If he keeps nosing around, he'll wind up dead.
I appreciate your concern, Inspector.
Don't let it keep you awake.
Now, if you'll excuse me, gentlemen,
I've got a phone call to make.
(door slams)
Keep in touch.
(bell rings, typing)
Okay, put it through.
(phone rings)
Hello.
Long-distance calling.
I have a collect call for anyone at this number from a Miss Mavis Miller.
Will you accept charges, please?
You told me you expected a call from Mavis at 4:30.
Now, you weren't or you wouldn't have hung up.
You were lying to me, Lola.
All right, I lied to you!
All I've heard for the past few days is the same stupid question.
From, from police at the phone, from police at the door, from Monty Kelbo, and even you.
"Where is Mavis Miller?"
Well, I don't know where she is.
I don't know.
Respiration?
Abnormal.
Pulse?
Very rapid.
Body temperature?
Much too hot.
(chuckles)
All right, now, honey, nice and easy.
When was the last time you saw her?
When she made bail, she came here, packed a bag, and left.
Well, could she have come back after anything while you were out?
I haven't been out for days.
(sighs)
Look, uh, how about a drink?
Okay.
Hey, Joe... you might as well know.
I did my best to talk Mavis into contacting you, but she wouldn't listen.
When did she phone?
She didn't have to phone.
A friend of mine left town for a couple of months.
He gave me the key to his apartment.
She's right here
(on machine):
in Apartment 7C.
058X calling Mobile 324.
Over.
(two beeps)
Captain Randolph.
Cover me.
Then find him fast.
Tell him it's Mannix.
(soft clicking)
(clicking continues)
(soft clicking and rattling)
(quiet rattling)
(loud click)
Drop it.
(gunshot)
(rapid gunfire)
(knock at door)
MAN:
Police, open up.
Lola, no!
(screams) (gunshot)
KYLER:
Of the names you've given us,
Miss Miller, only three are police officers.
Are you saying that only those three are involved in the entire operation?
If there were any more, Inspector, you can bet the egg money I'd tell you.
They were out to knock me off.
Anything you'd like to say at this time?
You're not required to answer any questions without the presence of an attorney, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
But you know all that, don't you, Captain?
Will you go for a deal, Inspector?
What's he got to sell?
The head man.
The only person that could have planted that bug in Lola's apartment, the only man she let in.
How about it, Randolph?
What'll it buy me?
Nothing-- not a month off your sentence, not a week, not a day.
I know who it is.
But you can't prove it, Kyler, at least not to the satisfaction of a jury.
All right.
I'll go as far as I'm able to go.
But it won't be much.
Okay.
Send him in.
Inspector, I must confess I'm utterly mystified by this cavalier treatment you've decided.
My dear, dear girl.
Ha, I can't express to you how delighted I am to find you here, safe...
Sit down.
But I wish to know...
Sit down.
I want to know...
Your boy Orville is dead.
Dead?
Utterly appalling.
I must confess I'm not really surprised.
I told Mr. Mannix that I suspected he was mixed up in some activities that I knew nothing about.
But surely you're not going to hold me responsible for some foolish misdeed that Orville...?
RANDOLPH:
Why don't you shut up, Monty?
They've got us.
You, me, Sergeant Burns, the lieutenant, the boys down at the club, every mother's son of us.
The whole thing is absurd.
I demand to know what it is I'm being charged with.
KELBO:
Whatever it is, it has no foundation.
(phone rings)
What's going on in there?
A little game of "he did it, not me."
From where I stood, it looks like Kelbo is going to be the loser.
What about me?
I mean, I did hide Mavis out.
Only technically.
The way I see it, uh, you had her in protective custody.
Anyway, by the time the thought occurs to Kyler, we'll have had a chance at a couple of dry martinis.
(theme music playing)

Line up, please.
Class 27. 
Yearling saddle horses.
Won by number 177.
Number 177.
Queen Of Maids.
Ridden by Miss Shelby Barret.
Owned by Mrs C.K. Nicholas.
A splendid piece of horseflesh, my dear Nicko.
That's a real compliment coming from you, Major.
I'll add my sheaf of praises if I may.
Isn't she a beauty, Johnny?
She looks alright by me.
Who is she?
I'm talking about the horse, silly.
Queen Of Maids. 
My equine choice.
Out of Paulette.
A spiffing piece of horseflesh.
Second prize. 
One mile. 
Number 65.
Brigador. 
Owned and shown by Mr Eugene Fairchild.
Before announcing the next event.
We take pleasure in introducing the Wyattville Polo Team.
The eastern challengers.
Who will play tomorrow against Chaparral.
Congratulations.
─ Thanks.
That's two blues you won today.
Nicko certainly has all the luck.
─ Luck?
To have you riding for her.
─ Oh .. that's mighty nice of you, Gene.
You made a grand show yourself. 
I was watching you.
To see how far you'd extend yourself.
Maybe I'll ride your string someday.
You have a standing offer.
─ Thanks.
I'm going back to Buck. 
Probably see you in the next class.
Good luck.
─ I'll need it.
Who's the girl you've got riding for you?
Shelby Barret .. a Professional.
─ Oh, a Pro?
She doesn't look it.
─ She's not been professional very long.
She does a mighty good job of it.
I've never seen better riding.
Hello Gene. 
Don't forget you're coming to my party tonight.
Any time after ten.
With your cousin of course.
We'll be there.
─ Fine.
Who is the one-girl show?
─ Eugene Fairchild's .. cousin.
You can give her a better looking-over tonight, Johnny.
But .. hands off.
Are you always invited out to dinner?
That depends. 
There was a time when I wasn't invited at all.
I don't see why you let this bunch of snobs push you around ..
Because your sixth cousin didn't come over on the Mayflower.
We haven't done so badly.
Not for a family that started out in life carrying a dinner pail.
Don't feel too sorry for me or for yourself.
Like the show?
─ Thrilled to pieces.
Gene Fairchild. 
Horseman, ladies' man.
And oodles of new money.
And actually works for it.
Extraordinary.
Yes, and very determined to buy his way in, so Nicko says.
Shelby, you've simply got to win this for me.
I'll do the best I can.
Crozier entered Briary Bush. 
He's the only one that may take it away from me.
Ah, which?
─ Number 7.
Johnny, isn't that a stunning hunter?
The best I've seen today.
Have you ever seen him in action?
─ No, I haven't.
But I've heard of him and I understand he's for sale.
Oh, that's interesting.
Won't you present me?
─ Oh, I'm sorry.
Mr Wyatt 
- Miss Barret.
Mr Wyatt is riding my ponies in the Polo matches.
Oh, really?
A fellow professional.
─ No .. just a fellow.
Why Shelby, you know Mr Wyatt's not ..
─ Of course not.
If I could handle a horse the way you do, I wouldn't mind being professional.
That's very kind of you.
Oh dear.
He's in no condition to ride.
Oh, see if you can stop him, Mooney.
─ Don't be silly, Shelby.
Mooney, you're working for me. 
Not Mr Crozier.
Come on, Johnny.
[ Tannoy: ] "Horse number 50. 
Hunter. 
Thoroughbred."
"To be shown over three jumps."
"Post and rail, stone wall, and brush."
"Number 7 first."
"Number 7. 
Briary Bush."
Well, that's one less to beat.
Well, that's just rotten bad riding.
What difference does it make?
It means so much just to win.
I like my blue ribbons.
[ Tannoy: ] "Number 88 next. 
Mile high."
"Miss Shelby Barret."
My dear, I wish you would remember there are only five gaits.
Walk. 
Slow gait. 
Trot. 
Rack and Canter.
No reverse?
Well I have seen them back a horse up.
And so the girl said: "I want it too".
It's lovely, Nicko.
─ Thanks, dear.
Welcome, stranger. 
How about a dance?
Before you dance, do something for me, will you?
Separate the Major and his wife for a little while.
Because he's boring her to distraction.
─ I'll do my best.
His wife married him. 
You didn't.
Why should you stand for it?
Now, Johnny. 
Don't be difficult.
We'll dance later.
That's a divine tune.
Dance it?
I'd love to.
Well, what do you make of it?
I can't think of anything the Wyatt clan needs more than an attractive widow.
With plenty of money.
That house of Johnny's on Long Island is going to collapse one of these days.
If someone doesn't repair it.
It was alright to ask her to dance, wasn't it?
Of course. 
If you want to.
I mean, you consider her a guest though you pay her to ride for you, don't you?
Yes. 
But of course, I expect her to make herself useful. 
Any way she can.
Sort of an assistant hostess to take care of all the boys.
Exactly. 
And leave all the interesting men to me.
Can't you see my dear girl, every time a rider hits back.
Whether it's on purpose or by accident, mark you.
Dash it, the horse's mouth is pulled.
─ Yes, of course.
Yes, quite.
Do you ride, Mrs Casserly?
─ I detest the beasts.
I detest even the odor. 
And I practically live in the stables.
I just can't imagine anybody feeling that way about horses.
I've been brought up with them.
I rode once. 
And discovered myself on the ground, holding the horse in my lap.
Thank you. 
Keep your horses.
And I still insist a five-gaited horse who backs up is a six-gaited horse.
Take no notice of my wife.
You know, she's a ridiculous woman.
But it can't be disputed, Miss Barret.
Ponies who persist in keeping a rigid pole while they rein all stop.
Ruin their mouths in time, if one keeps them at fast Polo.
Yes. 
I reckon they do.
Shelby, dear.
Would you mind getting that photograph of Sistiana Chief in my bedroom?
And put it on the desk in the library.
─ Surely.
Hi there, Shelby.
─ Hello. 
Where is Nicko?
Dan cut in.
She wants me to bring my Ukulele down, but you know what? 
─ What?
I'm going to say a string is busted.
Just naturally pulled a tendon.
Why?
─ Oh, you know how people are.
When you can put a billiard ball in your mouth.
They make you do it so often it stops being fun.
What?
It's the same with the Uke.
They want me to play all the time.
It gets to be a business.
Something you ought to be paid for.
It's how you spoil anything that's fun.
I get paid for riding, but being a professional doesn't spoil the fun.
I didn't mean that.
Listen Miss Barrett.
There's ño room in my mouth for a billiard ball as my foot's always in it.
Now let's start all over again. 
I like you.
I like you a lot.
You don't even know me.
I know what you can do with a horse.
And I know you've got lots of spunk.
And I want you to like me.
I'll tell you why.
You see .. 
I have a reason for everything.
Has anyone ever told you that you have the gift of the gab?
Oh, that's only one of my accomplishments.
Good .. 
I like to play Polo.
I'm pretty good on the Ukulele.
Do you feel yourself being drawn towards me?
Is that all you have to offer?
─ Oh, no.
No, there is health ..
Nobility of character.
And a high spiritual nature.
Well.
You, I and your high, spiritual nature had better be getting downstairs.
I suppose so.
Do you live here in the house with Nicko?
No, I have a little house down the road.
It used to be the gardener's cottage.
─ I noticed it.
Tell you what.
─ What?
I'll bring my Uke down and play for you.
Afraid you'd better not.
Nicko may not like it.
That would be too bad.
I pay the lease. 
She pays me my salary, you see.
Oh, Shelby dear.
Gene Fairchild has just come in.
Now be a dear, and see that he meets everyone, will you?
Surely.
─ Thanks.
Well Johnny Wyatt, another dance?
We'll be talked about.
Excuse me.
Come here, Fanny.
Oh, that's a lot of cupboard love.
Now don't slobber all over me.
There.
No more.
Oh, you're beautiful.
But maybe you don't know it.
Here.
Hello.
I saw you swiping the sugar, so I knew where you were going.
You shouldn't have come here.
I told you that you mustn't.
You told me I mustn't go to the cottage.
And play for you with my Uke.
Well, is this the cottage?
Am I playing the Uke?
─ You know perfectly well what I meant.
Oh, come on now.
Don't I even rate a piece of sugar or a pat on the head?
There is a bar in the tap room if you'd like a drink.
If you'll have one with me.
Come on, I want to talk to you.
Well, that's encouraging.
What shall it be?
─ Scotch for me, please.
Say.
Nicko does pretty well by herself, doesn't she.
Nicko has a habit of doing very well by herself.
You can't tell me much about Nicko.
She owns a place near Wyattville on Long Island.
That's the town I come from.
Thanks .. here's to you.
May I call you "Shelby" instead of Miss Barret?
And here's to you.
─ Johnny.
Johnny.
I'm glad I missed the party.
This is much nicer.
But it can't happen again.
Oh, the old Nicko bugaboo, huh?
I'm not aiming to tell you about Nicko.
─ Let's drop Nicko from the conversation.
I think you're an awfully nice person.
But I don't want you paying any attention to me.
I'm just part of scenery.
I don't see why I shouldn't admire it.
No. 
The only thing you give a hang about is Polo.
Sure .. 
I love Polo.
I've played it ever since I was old enough to sit on a horse.
My grandad played it. 
My dad, my uncles.
A couple of old aunts.
The game is part of me.
But I still have an eye for the scenery.
Drink up. 
Let's be going.
Just because I ride Nicko's ponies.
Doesn't mean that I belong to her.
Who said you do?
I'm going this way, and you're going that way.
Goodnight.
─ Goodnight, but first ..
We've been discussing a very important question that needs more talking over.
Luncheon tomorrow?
Luncheon tomorrow.
Why Johnny .. where have you been?
Oh just strolling around .. 
I'm in love.
With the scenery.
Hey. 
That was a beauty, Johnny.
─ After you served it me on a platter.
What's the matter? 
Somebody missing?
Come on.
I've been telling my wife about the bad effect of a rigid pole on a Polo pony.
Oh yes. 
Yes.
I concede there's some cold-jawed ponies with bent poles, and tender mouths.
I concede that.
That's very generous of you, Albert. 
Very generous.
Oh Miss Barret. 
Miss Barret.
You can buy Briary Bush for $3,500.
─ Thirty-five?
That's a lot of money, but he's a lot of horse. 
Crozier is broke.
Buy him.
─ You bet I will.
How's this string going?
─ Oh, marvellously.
Johnny is in top form, the dear boy.
Why, Johnny.
Ahh!
Will somebody please hit me in the head with a mallet.
Come on.
He may have got a bad bounce on the ball.
I think he looked down here and saw me watching him.
It's nerves. 
I had to take him in hand this noon, and give him lunch.
Oh.
What a dull afternoon. 
There hasn't even been a decent spill.
Hi, Shelby.
Hi there.
Say, I've got some great news.
Nicko is buying Briary Bush.
No? 
I was going to see Crozier tomorrow and make him an offer.
Haven't you enough horses already?
I'm afraid people like us never have enough.
You are going to have to jump high, wide and handsome for blue ribbons this year.
I had just about decided that red is my favorite color.
While you are around, anyway.
─ So long.
I don't like her.
Why not?
Always snooping around, trying to attract your attention.
You're crazy.
─ Am I?
I know women.
I know human-beings pretty well.
There's a square shooter.
Did you see that miss of mine?
─ Miss?
You didn't come close enough to call it a miss.
What were you doing? 
Riding in the park.
No .. just looking at the scenery.
Hiya, Shelby.
─ Hiya. 
Nice playing.
Yeah.
Of course I felt proud of myself when I missed that shot by an easy six feet.
But that was your fault.
─ Mine? 
─ Uhuh.
Just being there.
That's what you do to me.
I can't keep my mind on the game.
─ Nicko ought to put blinders on you.
I hear you had a nice quiet rest for luncheon.
Say, I was sorry about ..
─ Oh, I understand.
You got sudden orders from the boss.
Oh .. now, Shelby.
Polo is your business and you have to keep business hours.
I'm not supposed to make snoots at you because you're a Pro, huh?
You're a Pro yourself.
Me, a Pro?
─ Yes. 
A professional amateur.
You get hauled around the country by other people to ride their ponies.
A professional guest.
The only difference between you and me is I get paid for it and you don't.
Hmm. 
That's telling me.
Well, I guess I'm not taking the game as seriously as before.
When I saw you today, I didn't give a hoot about the game.
That's high treason coming from a Wyatt.
Polo is the most important thing in the world.
Not always.
So I see.
But you haven't told me how you like the string. ─ Great.
I'd give my shirt for that string.
Oh, I guess you can have them if you want them, but ..
They'll cost you a lot more than your shirt.
[ Car horn ]
That's Nicko honking for you.
You'd better run along.
Give my compliments to our boss.
Mush.
[ Johnny: singing ] "The stars are out tonight."
"I don't know if it's cloudy or bright."
"Because I only have eyes .."
"For you, dear."
"The moon may be high."
"But I can't see a thing in the sky."
"Because I only have eyes .."
"For you .."
I thought you went to the dance with Nicko.
Right. 
And I'm back from the dance. 
Without Nicko.
She won't like it.
The most important thing I can think of is .. do you like it?
Perhaps .. 
I was lonely.
You know, that's just the way I felt about it.
Come on out. 
You are too far away.
You should have stuck the party out. 
Nicko will be furious.
Now look .. 
I didn't come all the way back here to talk about Nicko.
Let's drop her from the conversation.
We can't very well drop her when she's so set on marrying you.
Says who?
─ Says I. Definitely.
Well, she hasn't proposed yet.
Let's be frank about it.
You know she's in love with you.
Alright, let's be frank about it.
I don't love her. 
I never have.
Now, let's be frank some more.
You are the one I love, Shelby.
With all my heart.
I'd like to find one author who writes about how wonderful it is to be in love.
I'd shoot him just for the fun of it.
I've never been more miserable in all of my life.
But I don't know what we're going to do about it.
I know what we're going to do.
It's only difficult to be sensible when you feel like this.
I'm being sensible.
No. 
It's no use, Johnny.
What would we use to pay the bills?
You couldn't drag me around the country while you're playing Polo even if I go.
You wouldn't get any more invitations, Johnny. 
No more room and board.
No more strings of ponies for you to ride.
No more debutantes falling all over themselves on account of you.
Don't you see it won't work?
Are you saying "no"?
─ I'm saying "no".
Shelby, that "no" doesn't make any sense at all.
That's just the trouble. 
It's the only thing that does make sense.
You're wrong.
I love you and you love me.
That's all that counts and you know it.
Don't you?
I wasn't quite prepared for this.
You've got nothing on us, Nicko.
You can make other arrangements for the balance of the season, Shelby.
I shan't need your services any longer.
I believe we have a verbal contract.
─ Not that I know of.
You'll get your pay and your fare back to Kentucky.
I don't want anything from you.
Now look here, Nicko.
─ You don't have to defend her, Johnny.
No. 
I Just asked her to marry me.
A Wyatt of Wyattville marrying a stable employee?
That's what people will say, you know.
And your family will probably love it, too.
You're a rotten sport, Nicko.
Come on. 
Get your things together. 
We're on our way.
You're not going to play tomorrow?
─ Nope.
You mean you are going to throw the team down?
Certain things I have found are more important than Polo.
And you called me a rotten sport.
Nicko.
I'm fed up being a professional amateur.
Now you get hold of one of my family.
One who seems the least mad.
Tell them that Johnny Wyatt has resigned from Polo until he can afford it.
Don't you be long now.
Shelby.
Shelby.
Do you want to wreck Johnny's chances of being the person he was intended to be?
That's what you're headed for.
You and I never did agree on many things, Nicko.
I'm figuring on making Johnny's life for him.
Oh, by the way.
Crozier's secretary made the bill of sale for Briary Bush in my name.
But you can mail him the check in the morning.
Suppose you settle with Crozier.
What does that mean?
─ I've changed my mind about the horse.
So you would have me assuming a $3,500 obligation with exactly $35 to my name
And you call yourself a sport.
─ What are you going to do about it?
I know one sportsman, thank goodness.
Hello, Gene? 
This is Shelby.
Listen, I'm in a jam.
It's a bargain.
I gather La Belle Nicko did you dirt.
Well, I'm grateful to her.
They'll cut off your phone for language like that.
Thanks a million, Gene.
Ready?
─ Uhuh.
What's the idea of the horse?
─ Briary Bush.
Briary Bush or not .. 
I didn't expect to elope with a horse.
Come on, darling. 
Throw in your tackle and I'll tell you all about it later.
I hope you like the romance, old boy.
The horse and trailer are in your stables.
Here's the bill of sale, all signed.
Nicko probably won't like it, but that's your lookout.
Sure you won't change your mind and stay and ride for me?
No .. 
Johnny Wyatt and I are going to be married.
How thrilling.
My best wishes to you both.
Are you going all the way in this car?
─ No, we'll sell it and buy tickets.
Where to?
Yuma, Arizona. 
Then on to Wyattville.
This will give the family the surprise of its life.
I hope they'll like me.
─ They'll love you.
The whole family will be lined up at the station to greet you.
All aboard.
Well.
The family certainly turned out to give us a royal welcome home.
I loved the brass band.
─ You do?
The fellow with the big horn was out of tune.
If that's the mayor over there getting ready to make a speech.
Tell him to make it snappy. 
I'm tired.
I guess they didn't get my wire.
─ Of course.
How are you, Mr Wyatt?
Glad to see you home again.
Hello Joe. 
This is Mrs Wyatt.
─ Pleased to meet you.
The old Wyatt homestead. 
Yes, sir.
The right wing. 
Kitchen, living room and dining room.
The left wing closed for repair. 
Here we go!
It's an old Wyatt custom. 
Carrying one's bride across the threshold.
Silly! 
Lots of people do it.
Sure. 
But history records they filched the idea from us.
Here we go.
Hello.
Hello, Cora.
I rather expected to see you at the station.
We got your wire, and put Mrs Agnew on the job as soon as possible.
Well, Johnny really ought to introduce her.
I'm Cora Furness.
This is Mr Furness.
Your housekeeper, Mrs Agnew.
Glad to know you.
If you'll excuse me, I'll see if I can find something for you to eat.
That is, if I can keep a fire going in that rusty old stove.
Your news sort-of took the family by surprise.
They're not quite over it yet.
You know, elopement, all that sort of thing.
Are foreign to the family.
Decidedly.
Now that you're here, we'll be running along.
Yes. 
Oh, grandpa wants you for dinner tomorrow night.
You'll come, of course?
He's a bit upset that you walked out on the Polo team.
A horrible breech of etiquette.
Goodbye.
─ Goodbye.
Oh Johnny, put your arms around me quickly or I'll throw up and bust.
Now, now. 
None of that.
You're tired and cold and hungry.
And so am I.
Well, I dare say the ancestral home is equal to a cup of coffee anyway.
Mrs Agnew, you certainly have given us a pleasant homecoming.
I wouldn't say that, ma'am until you've seen the rest of your home.
Hey.
What way is that to wake up a guy?
─ Right effective.
While you slept, I've been exploring our house. 
I have something to show you,
What?
Put on a dressing-gown for Mrs Agnew's sake.
Do me a favor, Johnny Wyatt.
Count them.
I make it 36.
─ 18 pairs.
Want to buy a centipede?
And, ladies and gentlemen I direct your attention to this pitiful collection.
One button and a half on this one.
And as for this, with the severe Long Island winters.
I got some nice gear down in the stables.
Oh yes. 
Bits and crops and snaffles and saddles.
But not a whole pair of underpants to your name.
Oh Johnny, it scares me.
We've got to go to work.
Yeah, I know. 
I've got to find a job.
Honestly, I don't know where to look for one. 
There's nothing here in Wyattville.
Well, we'll find one.
Come on, get dressed.
Breakfast is ready.
And then you're going to show me over the Wyatt estate.
Old Huntington Wyatt, an uncle of dad's used to raise trotters here.
He was a funny old guy.
He smelt of cigars and whiskey.
Come on. 
I want to look it over.
─ You'll get bats in your hair.
Oh, I like them.
Oh Johnny, look at it.
I've looked at it for 25 years now.
Man and boy.
Oh you darling idiot.
Can't you see? 
It's our job.
How, for heaven's sakes?
Well, we both know horses and all about them.
But there's no money in it.
─ Yes there is!
Board them, train them.
Everybody around here has horses.
They're always going off to Europe or somewhere.
Someone has to board the horses.
They're always buying new ones that have to be trained for Polo and shown.
Why, with your name ..
─ You think we could?
I know we could.
It would take dough.
─ Oh, we'll find it. 
Come on.
You know, in my Polo days.
A thing like that, leaving a team during a series of matches.
Was unheard of.
Weren't people falling in love in your Polo-playing days then?
Ha?
Match?
Who left what match?
Johnny sir, in California.
Of course, we found it rather hard to understand.
Hmm.
Alright.
Do tell me why you children were married in Arizona.
Well, it take three days to be married in California.
I wanted to grab Shelby before she had time to think.
Johnny is always in a hurry.
We told him he should have come East and let us know.
He never takes anything seriously.
Running about the country getting married here, there and the other place.
Oh come on. 
I only got married once.
Johnny is taking something seriously now.
We're going into business.
─ Huh?
Oh .. who is going into what business?
Shelby and I, sir.
─ Shelby?
Never heard of him.
My wife, sir.
We're remodelling the old stables.
Fixing up the race track.
─ Look here, old boy.
You're not serious?
─ Certainly.
Why both you and Shelby would be professional horse trainers.
I'm already a professional rider.
You mean?
Oh, I don't quite understand.
I ride for money.
Show horses for money.
I'm very good at it.
That little girl that Johnny married.
Did .. did she say she rides for money?
Yes, sir.
─ Ha .. good!
Yes. 
Very good, it serves her right.
A pack of family-proud nincompoops.
I'd dismiss it from my mind, if I were you old chap.
Oh, it's still very vague of course.
Why did you say our plans were vague?
─ Well, they are vague, sweet.
But you made them hope we'd give the whole idea up.
You pretty much gave them to understand we would.
Oh, not at all. 
I don't know, Shelby.
I don't like to ..
─ Embarrass the clan?
Exactly.
Besides.
They made it pretty clear that I can't look to them for finance.
Oh Johnny, darling.
Don't give in so easily.
If they won't help us, we'll have to get it somewhere else. ─ Where?
Well, I'll write grandad in Paducah.
He's not any to well-to-do but he's the most generous man alive.
But Shelby .. even if we could get the money.
Careful, sweet. 
Did you hurt yourself?
Oh no. 
I just bumped my low-down, professional shin ..
On part of the Wyatt roof that's lying rotted on the ground.
Shelby. 
You're not angry at what they said?
Oh no. 
I love to be looked at like I have fleas.
Don't mind them, sweet.
I know they're fogeys, but they are my family.
Johnny, promise me to go ahead.
Get estimates on the work and then let me write granddad. 
Please.
But Shelby, they are my family.
─ And I'm just your wife.
You bet you're my wife.
Oh Johnny. 
I hate to be mad with you.
And if you let me down on this, I'll have to be mad.
You and I, mad at each other? 
Oh, no.
Oh Johnny, don't just be a Wyatt.
Be my Johnny that I love.
Alright, Mrs Agnew.
Now we have to kind of ease it on.
[ Doorbell ]
Never mind the doorbell, hang on to the paper.
Oh, it has to go a little higher.
Oh, hang it all .. that's no good.
Oh dear.
Nicko.
Well ..
This is a surprise.
That's an old line, but it seem to fit.
We were pretty angry with each other, weren't we?
Were?
─ Well, I don't blame you.
Not that I'm apologizing, you understand.
Oh, I understand.
Well, after you left.
─ After I was fired.
I didn't win another blue ribbon.
If that is any satisfaction to you.
It's mighty nice of you to admit you miss me.
Well, I do admit it.
Now, tell me everything.
What everything?
─ About you and Johnny, silly.
I suppose you are divinely happy?
─ Oh, divinely.
Hello.
Hello, darling.
Why Nicko, I just heard you were in town.
Johnny, you two romantic children never gave me a chance to wish you happiness.
We really don't need wishes, Nicko.
I want you to try out a string of Polo ponies I just shipped in.
Fine. 
Any time you say.
But now it will cost you money.
Easy-going Johnny a "captain of industry".
What's so darned funny about that?
I like being a businessman.
Besides.
We only got the idea about three days ago and work is already under way.
Well, will wonders never cease.
Good luck.
─ Thanks. 
We may need it.
Come over and have dinner, you two. 
Any time.
Johnny Wyatt a "Pro".
I've never heard of such a thing.
The Wyatt family never heard of such a thing, either.
Get together with them.
You'll all have a lovely time.
Well, I might do that. 
Goodbye.
─ Goodbye.
What are we going to use for money?
Well .. maybe we'd better get in touch with your granddad in Paducah, Kentucky.
See what they're using out there.
─ I'll write him tonight.
Johnny, Johnny.
Yeah?
─ Come look at what we've got.
Hey, what a peach.
You didn't steal him, did you?
─ No, a wedding present.
From who? 
Granddad in Paducah?
─ No.
It's Briary Bush. 
Don't you remember?
The elopement horse.
Only he's a wedding present now. 
Read that.
Listen sweet .. that's an awfully big present to take from Gene Fairchild.
Oh it doesn't mean much to him. 
He owns a mint.
I don't think we should.
─ But he'll be hurt if we send him back.
People like to talk. 
I'd rather not give him the chance.
Let them talk. 
Remember this, Gene will be around soon with a string of ponies.
That means business for us.
He's always wanted me to ride for him.
Sometimes I wish we hadn't gone into this business.
Can't back out now.
─ How are we going to take care of him?
I'm a better stable boy than a paper-hanger.
If we don't hurry up, two of the best people won't get to the club party.
Coming, Johnny.
Gene Fairchild moves to Wyattville
And is elected a member of the yacht club before he has time to unpack.
Yep, a full-fledged member. 
All because he's shelling out for a new yacht basin.
Sometimes my family makes me laugh.
It is kind of funny.
Speaking of money.
I got those estimates today.
Oh Johnny, how much?
─ I'm afraid we're sunk.
Nine thousand dollars.
I suppose your grandfather will stand for the extra two?
Well, he .. he probably can give us the nine as well as the seven.
Something I didn't tell you. 
I put up our land as a guarantee of this payment.
You mortgaged the land?
─ Well, same thing.
I had to, before they'd start work.
But we can't quit now.
If I don't make this payment, we lose the land.
Oh, Johnny. 
You should have told me.
Yes I know. 
But I was so anxious to take hold and start things off with the bank.
I wanted to prove your faith in me.
And now I've fixed everything swell.
If your grandfather says no, we're in the soup.
He won't. 
We'll get the money.
But, Johnny.
Always remember we're partners.
And that we must never do anything without telling each other.
That's a promise.
Thanks for that one, Mrs Wyatt.
─ I love dancing with you.
Oh, there is aunt Jean over there.
I guess I'd better go over.
Do you mind if I don't?
That's my yacht. 
Third from the left, only I'm not on it.
Gene, how are you?
─ Hello, Shelby.
Why haven't we seen you?
When are you going to call on Johnny and Briary Bush and me?
Whenever I'm asked.
I've been busy getting admitted into Wyattville. 
But now that I'm admitted ..
Gene, why do you bother to buy your way into Wyattville?
I wanted to be near Briary Bush.
Oh .. a yacht basin for Briary Bush?
Ha, no .. no, that's business.
Did you ever hear of Fairchild And Son, private bankers?
Who hasn't.
Well, I am they, and they are I. That is father and I.
And hurray for grammar.
Well, what has that ..
─ I'm their social contact.
These people are customers of ours.
Others want to be customers of us too.
Oh, I see. 
Smart businessman.
─ Uhuh. 
Sometimes.
Well, that's that.
Let's talk about Shelby.
Let me look at you.
I want to be sure.
That Johnny Wyatt's taking good care of you?
Only the very best.
I was afraid of that.
─ Afraid?
I'd like nothing better than to find you wan and weary.
Then I could dash to the rescue.
I'm in no need of rescuing, Gene. 
That is, I ..
How are you at giving out advice? 
As a businessman.
Very good.
Why .. trouble?
No. 
Not exactly.
You see, Johnny and I are in business, too.
But not so smart.
─ Business?
Ride with me in the morning.
And I'll tell you a long, long story about my granddad in Paducah.
Your what?
Well I think it's a cinch to win the 12 meter class this year.
She's a good boat.
There's Shelby with that smooth pirate, Gene Fairchild.
And I can't quite understand that chap selecting Wyattville as a place to live.
Oh, I can. 
Hope dies hard.
First he sends her that horse.
Which I was going to buy.
And Gene grabbed from me with the most bare face.
Are you fond of cats?
Never mind. 
Just look over there.
Excuse me. 
I have work to do.
Gene generally buys what he wants, if he can't get it any other way.
Oh hello, dear.
─ Nicko, I'd like to talk to you.
Excuse us.
─ Surely.
I had the feeling the other day that you didn't want to talk to me at all.
This won't keep.
Shelby, need we take a cross-country hike?
Nicko, I'm going to talk mighty fast and blunt.
I want you to stop spreading lies about me.
What are you talking about?
─ You wanted Johnny. 
I got him.
Knowing your high standards of sportsmanship.
It's no surprise to me that you're a bad loser.
You want Johnny's family to believe dirty gossip of me and Gene Fairchild.
I'm warning you to shut up and take your loss like the lady you're not.
Sign a note if you like. 
Three months.
I'll charge you 5% on your money.
The only thing I got you down here to give me was advice.
The only advice I can give you is to let me put up the money.
Loaning money is part of my business.
You make it real easy for me. 
Putting it on a real business basis like that.
You wouldn't want it any other way.
─ Thanks for realizing it.
Shelby.
Where are you?
─ In here. 
In the tub.
Did you get the money?
─ Wait a minute.
What?
─ I said, did you get the money?
Yes, sir. 
I'll have it in cash tomorrow.
─ Great.
I heard today the Curtis Bunkers in East Woollaston are going south for 6 months.
I think we can get their whole string to board for the winter.
This infant business of ours is beginning to cut its teeth.
Oh Johnny, isn't it grand.
I'm going to Woollaston to see them for the weekend.
Will you miss me?
What do you think?
Well, I think you can come in and dry my back.
Because I love you and we're going to be big business successes.
Wyattville 229.
Yes please.
Hello.
Hello, Shelby?
Fine, thanks.
Shelby, I'm giving a party on the boat tonight.
I wonder if you and Johnny couldn't come along?
Oh, he's out of town?
Woollaston?
The big horse deal? 
Oh, that's grand.
Look, Shelby.
You come then.
─ No, Gene.
Thanks just the same, but I'd rather not come without Johnny.
You wouldn't want an extra girl anyway.
─ But I do, Shelby.
As a matter of fact I'm asking a favor of you.
The man who is going to be associated with me in that big deal.
He and his wife are coming aboard.
It's important for me to have some darned attractive guests.
That means you, of course.
Well, that's mighty sweet of you, but ..
I'd rather talk it over with Johnny.
─ Do that, Shelby.
Really, it is very important.
I've never asked a favor of you before.
I am asking one now.
Alright.
Hello. 
I want East Woollaston 450.
This is Wyattville 229.
Hello. 
Is Mr John Wyatt in the hotel? 
This is Mrs Wyatt.
Oh.
No thank you. 
It's not important.
Wyattville 229.
Shelby?
─ Hello, Gene.
I couldn't get hold of Johnny.
But if I'm really necessary to your campaign, why of course I'll come.
Alright, I'll come aboard at Huntington tonight at six.
Thanks, Shelby. 
That's great.
The race today was a test.
─ Well, then we won't count that one.
Ha ha ..
Hello, Nicko.
─ Oh, hello. 
Don't get up, please.
Join us for a cocktail.
─ Thanks, I can't. 
I've guests coming.
You have plenty of time.
If I drive from here to Wyattville in nothing flat, I'd still be late.
Tell me, how is the high life in Huntington?
Same as usual.
Nothing has changed in this town within the memory of man.
Well, we'll have that cocktail another time. 
Goodbye.
Goodbye, Nicko.
A charming girl.
─ Yes, she is.
Welcome to the White Bell.
It's not so bad, is it?
─ It's nice. 
It really is.
I just had to have you, Shelby.
If I can swing this man due to you, it will be a tremendous deal for me.
Mrs Goodyear is a climber.
And well, you're a .. you're a Wyatt.
I'm afraid the Wyatts don't think so.
That's why I have to be so careful and proper.
I understand. 
You're in a touch spot.
It's awfully exasperating sometimes.
By the way, I wanted to tell Johnny that you gave me the money, but somehow ..
I know.
Who all is coming?
We're going over to Greenwich to pick up the Goodyears and to pack some drums.
You will excuse me, won't you.
We're not officially under way until the owner's on the bridge.
Aye aye, sir.
I'll teach you how to salute when I get back.
Radiogram, sir.
All through playing "Admiral"?
─ For a little while.
There's always things to worry about aboard a boat.
I just worry about you now.
Alright, where shall we begin?
─ Anywhere you say.
You know, Shelby.
I'd give my right arm for the chance to make your life what it ought to be.
But my life's alright. 
It suits me fine.
No.
You're grubbing around in a tumbledown house full of snobs.
Trying to launch this pathetic little horse business.
Oh please, Gene ..
How long before we're in Greenwich?
Just a little while.
Well this came from Pax Drumm.
He can't make it.
But Mrs Goodyear will be along.
That will make us chemically pure.
There is Greenwich just ahead.
I've never been there, but ..
I guess I can wait until the next time.
Thanks. 
You're a real sport for staying.
Shelby, you can always depend on me.
Thanks, Gene.
You know, I don't believe those Wyatts appreciate what very nice people we are.
I'm sure they don't.
White Bell ahoy.
Goodyear coming aboard.
Hey, Gene!
Gene! 
Hoo! 
Gene.
[ Very drunk ] Hi, Gene. 
How's the old kid?
How's the horses, horses, horses?
I thought you were bringing your wife.
─ Yeah .. 
I'll take scotch.
He's mad and I'm glad.
Scotch without soda, scotch without anything you got. 
Scotch without a wife.
What difference does it make whether my wife is here or not?
I can talk business just as well without her.
Better. 
Better at business.
─ Of course. 
Only I hadn't expected ..
Oh rubbish. 
What's she up for anyway?
For lottery, for love. 
I love you. 
Ha!
Gene, are you going to keep us standing on deck like a burning boy all night?
It doesn't look that way.
All tired and sweaty.
He's worked so hard.
He's all wore out.
He's cock-eyed.
Well .. as I live ..
If that isn't our own professional rider.
That's a laugh .. 
I mean ..
You're trying to hang on to a good thing, eh?
Nice work. 
Congratulations.
Listen baby .. when he's had enough and wants to show you the gangplank.
Come round to me.
I'll give you some advice.
There's a lot of men.
Real big-shots, just waiting for the right ..
And they will let you ride their horses.
Ahh .. ow!
Hey .. what's the idea?
Just trying to offer some high-priced friendly advice.
And I get treated like a leper.
Shelby, I'm sorry.
Steward.
Help me with Mr Goodyear.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Where'd she go?
Where's my Goody, Mr Caveman?
Forget it. 
He's been put to bed.
I thought you were rehearsing a show.
─ Oh, I quit it cold.
They didn't appreciate me.
Goody is going to give me a swell part.
Maybe with George Sanders. 
Ha ha.
He's crazy about me too.
A lot of men are.
Aren't you sorry you chucked me out, Gene?
What was your idea in coming aboard? 
You knew it was my boat.
I just wanted to see how you'd take it.
─ Cut it.
Oh, so it's the little girl on horseback, eh?
Listen to me, Olga.
If you mention her again, I'll lose my temper and give you a bath in the sound.
Old cousin Gene. 
Ha ha ..
[ Door knocks ]
Shelby .. it's Gene. 
Open the door.
I wouldn't have had this happen for the world .. you believe that don't you?
Yes, but I want to be put ashore.
─ As soon as we're opposite Shoreham.
That will be in about 15 minutes.
You can take the jitney from Shoreham to Wyattville.
If this gets around, I don't know what will happen.
It won't get around.
Come on out on deck.
We'll look for those Shoreham lights.
Hey, Gene!
What's the matter with the people on this boat? 
They're all dead.
Oh, you two go right ahead. 
Don't mind me.
Remember what I told you.
─ Whoops .. 
I'm sorry.
Don't I get anything to drink?
─ No.
Poor Gene.
Do you make love on cold water? 
Ha ha.
Oh .. 
I beg your pardon.
Poo.
You got rotten ventilation this ocean.
I'm simply gasping.
Get down somewhere. 
Right away.
Oh .. what for?
─ Because I say so.
It's better than sitting on that rail.
─ What's a rail for but to sit on?
Stay there or I'll have you locked in your cabin.
Whoo!
Shelby, I'm sorry.
You chatter like a rabbit.
Stand by! 
Passenger overboard!
Man overboard!
My pal.
This is the most accommodating jail I was ever in.
Gene, how can they think you ever killed her?
They won't think so for long.
A small-town grand jury trying to crash the New York papers.
I'm going to testify.
Come in to court and get your name smeared all over the papers?
One thing I did was get you off the boat without anyone aware you'd been aboard.
Don't undo that. 
Why, the trial will be over in three days.
You are awfully confident.
─ You bet I am.
Now go on home and don't come here again.
I don't want to see you until all this is over.
Then I'll come looking for you.
Raise your right hand and be sworn.
Do you swear to tell the truth, nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Sure, I'll tell the truth.
I always tell the truth.
Me, I don't care who likes it or who doesn't like it.
That's right, Mr Ericson.
Just answer to the best of your ability the questions put to you.
Sure. 
I tell everything I've seen.
Your full name is?
─ Niels Ericson.
Wasn't it grand? 
The hand-made day.
Darling, must we go in?
─ To breakfast? 
Why, sure.
Grandfather gets a great kick out of seeing us all come in after the hunt.
You go, but I'd rather go home.
What's the matter, darling?
Don't you feel well?
Say, you look kind of white around the gills.
Johnny, I want ..
─ Wasn't it glorious?
Poor old Gene would have loved it.
He always liked dressing up to give his flawless imitation of a gentleman.
Nicko, you have a wicked tongue.
Well, we had a find run, sir.
─ Run? 
Run where?
We did, sir. 
The hunt, you know.
We had a capital run.
Yes. 
How long?
─ Point to point of seven miles.
From here to Hadley Wood.
Ah, good.
Mr Fairchild pushed her.
He knocked her down the after companionway. 
Part way.
You saw him push her down the stairs?
They call it "companionway" on a ship, not stairs.
You witnessed this?
─ I don't say nothing I didn't see.
The other lady with the coat on, was beside Mr Fairchild.
That lady said something to her, and Mr Fairchild pushed her.
Shelby, you've nothing to eat.
─ Oh, please. 
I'm not hungry.
Everybody is hungry after a hunt.
─ Shelby.
Shelby .. didn't it strike you funny, riding Briary Bush?
With poor old Gene down there at the courthouse.
What fascinates me is, the missing girl in the red coat.
Why doesn't Gene get her to testify?
Oh, it's probably some poor kid who got mixed up in the rotten mess.
Gene is trying to shield her.
─ Perhaps she's married.
Maybe her husband thinks she was home-alone that night.
Playing solitaire.
─ No, I don't think that's it.
They don't go in much for chivalry, fellows of that type.
Gene was an alright type to be a member of the Wyattville yacht club.
Why Shelby, you sound positively vicious.
Is your heart bleeding for Gene?
Gene is one of the squarest, kindest men I've ever known.
She was sitting on the rail.
Mr Fairchild went to her, put his hands on her arm, and gave her a shove, like.
And the next I saw, the lady was in the water.
It would surprise me if they fried him.
─ Never.
Don't you think he's guilty, Johnny?
─ Darned if I know. 
They haven't a case.
Oh, I don't agree with you at all.
In the first place they've established a motive.
Olga shook him down for plenty of money.
She was probably planning to shake him down for more.
Naturally, he wanted to get her out of the way.
And he was probably in love with this girl in the red coat.
Olga came aboard the yacht uninvited.
And interrupted a budding romance.
I bet you ten dollars they get a verdict against him.
Not first degree necessarily, but a verdict. 
Manslaughter perhaps.
I'll take that bet.
Johnny, you can't bet, you ..
Why not, Shelby? 
Are you shocked at their betting?
Doesn't any one of you realize what it must be like for Gene?
You've accepted his hospitality.
─ Not on the yacht.
He never invited any of us.
Not me, anyhow.
What about you, Johnny?
And you, Shelby?
The young lady in the red coat.
Who was a stranger to you.
Who is a complete stranger to me as I have repeatedly told you.
Now to the later incident.
When Miss Hungerford was on the rail.
You heard the testimony of Mr Ericson.
Do you deny again that you pushed the girl harder than you meant to?
I do deny it.
Well, it looks as if the Fairchild case is all over except the verdict.
A chap from the office just phoned me.
The case goes to the jury this afternoon.
I told you they had no case against him.
You are wrong there, my dear.
It is Fairchild's word against the word of the Mate, who saw the whole business.
It looks bad for Fairchild.
I suppose it's the girl in the red coat.
She could clear him alright, if she'd only step forward.
If you ask me, she couldn't clear him.
That's why she's keeping under wraps.
Probably a bright young thing with an eye to business.
I'll bet Gene is paying her plenty to keep out of it.
Well, you can't say Wyattville hasn't come through with its yearly scandal.
But Shelby, why are you looking so downhearted?
Win, draw or lose.
Our mysterious lady in the red coat .. comes out ahead.
You people are horrible.
There isn't one decent, generous thought in your heads.
Why, Shelby.
─ Don't touch me.
Shelby's upset. 
She's very fond of Gene.
─ Yes. 
I was fond of him.
And not in the way Nicko would like you to believe, either.
I liked him as he's a straight-shooter.
That's more than you can say for the rest of you.
Shelby, please.
─ I despise the whole lot of you!
I'd rather associate with a bunch of stable boys.
I'm going to the court now to help him because I was the girl in the red coat!
And how do you Wyatts like that?
I knew it.
When Mr Goodyear, boarded the yacht with Miss Hungerford.
What did he say?
What he said made very little sense. 
He was terribly drunk.
As I remember, he wanted another drink.
And where, at this moment, was the lady in the red coat?
I'm the girl in the red coat.
Mrs John Wyatt.
The high-and-mighty Wyatts never got mixed up in anything stronger than tea.
The next moment, the yacht rode a swell.
She lost her balance and fell overboard. 
That's all.
And you're positive the defendant did not lay hands on her?
To push her off the rail?
Positively not. 
It's ridiculous.
Thank you, Mrs Wyatt. 
That's all.
Please.
Your witness.
Mrs Wyatt.
Will you preface your interesting story of Miss Hungerford's accidental death ..
By enlightening us to the circumstances under which you first met the defendant?
Why, of course. 
I was ..
The whole Wyatt family are on the warpath.
Tom, they're hard.
By their looks they're with you.
Better get in action, Mike.
It's the first time the Wyatt tribe's been seen without their horses.
Order.
Order!
I must have order in this court.
You will continue, please.
─ Your Honour.
Answer my question, if you please.
What .. what was it?
I asked you for the circumstances under which you first met the defendant.
I was riding professionally in California.
Mr Fairchild had a number of entries, and we met there.
What was the nature of your relations with the defendant?
We were merely friendly competitors. 
That's all.
What have your relations been with the defendant since he came to Wyattville?
The same.
Isn't it true, Mrs Wyatt ..
That the defendant presented you with a very expensive horse?
I object, Your Honour. 
Immaterial.
─ Not the least, Your Honour.
We'll get some dirt in this case yet.
─ You said it.
I intend to establish that the witness ..
Is so under obligation to the defendant, that she is prejudiced.
You may follow that line of questioning.
Mr Fairchild gave me ..
Gave us a very expensive horse as a wedding present.
What was the value of that horse?
About $3,500.
Your husband was well acquainted with Mr Fairchild?
No, I ..
Don't believe he was.
Oh, then the gift was really for you?
─ No!
Did he ever present you with any other such little tokens of his esteem?
Never.
Now, Mrs Wyatt. 
Aside from the horse the defendant gave you ..
As a wedding present!
─ Yes. 
Of course.
Aside for that.
Were you under obligations to the defendant?
Answer the question.
Answer the question.
Answer me, if you please!
He was so to kind to help my husband and me financially in a business venture.
And to what extent did the defendant render this financial aid?
The extent of several thousand dollars.
─ Do you recall the exact amount?
$9,000. 
It was for ..
─ Yes, we understand.
It was for a business venture.
This help was rendered with the full knowledge of your husband, of course?
No.
Yet you say it was a business venture?
With you and your husband?
Yes.
─ Now, Mrs Wyatt.
I want you to tell us if, on the night in question, you went aboard this yacht.
With the knowledge and consent of your husband?
I object, Your Honour.
If it please Your Honour ..
The prosecution is attempting to discredit the witness.
By proving that she was engaged in a clandestine affair with the defendant.
And consequently is obliged to defend her own name and to defend his as well.
I don't care what you and the whole world believes of me! 
I was there!
I saw a horrible accident for which you try to send an innocent man to his death.
What difference does it make who I am or what I am!
Gene Fairchild is innocent!
That's all that counts!
Order. 
Order in the court.
You will disregard the unethical conduct of the witness.
She certainly cut through a whole spool full of red-tape with that eruption.
In that case I ask, the court for a recess.
The surprise witness will considerably alter the aspects of the case.
The court declares a recess of one hour.
We'll put Johnny on for our surprise.
If he knew all about this, he wouldn't have kept silent.
Hold it right there, Mrs Wyatt.
Did your husband know that you were on that yachting party?
Why don't you ask me that question?
─ Well, did you?
Of course I knew it.
─ Young man.
No wife of a Wyatt family ever went anyplace without her husband's consent.
I saw her at the docks myself.
─ Absolutely.
This is no occasion for publicity.
Oh no? 
Wait until you read the morning papers.
You can kiss your murder goodbye as it's out of the picture.
Put Wyatt on the stand.
It'll make a hero out of Fairchild.
The Wyatts stick together like flypaper.
Hey, the legal department is getting together.
I smell a dismissal.
Five dollars says so.
Case dismissed!
Fairchild case dismissed.
I don't mind telling you things were looking pretty black when you came in.
When I looked up and saw you there.
It meant a lot to me to know you cared enough. 
To see it through.
Don't get things mixed up, Gene.
How do you mean?
It's just that I never could have held my head up again if I hadn't done it.
It was something I had to do for myself.
Not for me?
I see.
So, it's still Johnny?
─ No.
No. 
This morning I managed to cut myself off from Johnny once and for all.
But he came into court and stood by you.
That was the Wyatts putting up a front to the world to save their cussed pride.
No.
Johnny's through with me.
And you love him?
Of course.
Why, he's ..
He's Johnny.
May I take you home?
─ No thanks. 
I have my car.
You're a great sport.
And so are you.
Hey, you.
Get in.
Well come on. 
Get in.
Now what do you want to cry for?
You know you never have a handkerchief.
Here. 
Blow.
Remember saying to me, we're partners?
We must never do anything without asking each other first?
Well young lady, I guess we're even now.
Oh Johnny, is it alright?
Of course it's alright.
It's better than that.
But from now on, we're partners.
A closed corporation.
Nobody else counts.
Nobody but us.
Come on, honey.
This partnership has some unfinished business to attend to.
T-G

Gypo!
Ah, Gypo, what's the use?
I'm hungry and I can't pay my room rent.
Have you the price of a flop on you?
No!
Oh, what's the use?
Ah, don't look at me like that, Gypo.
You're all I got.
You're the only one.
You know that.
But what chance have we to escape?
Money.
Some people have all the luck.
Look at that thing handing us the ha-ha.
10 pounds to America.
20 pounds and the world is ours.
- What are you saying that for?
- Saying what? 
20 pounds?
- What are you driving at?
- Oh, Gypo, what's the matter with you?
20 pounds.
Might as well be a million.
Go on. 
Go on! 
Go and get your 20 pounds from that scut I threw in the gutter.
Say, Gypo.
Too good for me, eh?
Well, let me tell you something.
You're no better than any other man. 
You're all alike!
Oh, Katie, I didn't mean it.
Go along with you and your fine principles.
I can't afford 'em!
Katie!
Throw light over there, lads.
Paddy's not out tonight, boys.
Don't you know me, Gypo?
I don't wonder that you stare.
I'm lucky to be finding you here.
Man, what is it?
What are you staring at?
Nothing, Frankie.
You came up to me so...
sudden like.
I guess I'm getting jumpy.
Finding out there's a price on my head.
20 pounds.
Oh, so that's all I'm worth!
Six months is a long time, my boy, to be on the run.
Sleeping out in the hills, freezing to death.
And no decent grub.
So I says to myself, "I'll sneak into town and I'll see my mother."
"And I'll duck right out again." And here I am.
Did you deliver my messages?
And what did my mother say?
Ah, she blessed the saints that you're alive.
She followed me out crying and put a half a quid in my hand.
To give to you.
Well, I was that hungry meself that I... 
I spent it.
Ah, you big lubber.
That was her way of giving it to you!
She likes you, Gypo.
The Lord knows why.
What's come over you?
What are you gawking at?
Is there something queer about me?
No, Frankie.
You see, I've been court-martialled.
Man, what for?
You remember the Tan that killed Quincannon?
We drew lots for it, and I got the short match.
Well, I took him out in the lorry...
and he begged for his life.
I couldn't do it, Frankie.
Not in cold blood.
Besides, he swore he'd desert if I let him go.
And you believed him?
What did Commandant Gallagher say?
Oh.
He near had me plugged when I went back to report.
Then they threw me out of the organisation.
And now the British think I'm with the Irish and the Irish think I'm with the British.
And the long and short of it is
I'm walking around starving without a dog to lick my trousers.
Ah, you poor fathead!
Think of the jobs we've pulled off together, the scrapes we've come through.
Ah, we were a great pair, eh, Gypo?
With your muscle and my brain.
When you got into a tight place, it was me that thought a way out.
Remember?
And I leave you alone for a minute and you go and get in trouble again.
Man alive! 
I'm your brain!
But it's your help I'm needing now.
I looked you up first to find out if the Tans were still watching my mother's house.
Is there any guard on the house?
Not since Christmas.
Well, I'm off. 
If I get a chance to see Gallagher, I'll put the word in for you.
Up the rebels!
Carry on.
Yes?
Well, I... 
It's like this. 
I...
Well, speak up.
What do you want to say?
I've come to claim the 20 pounds reward for Frankie McPhillip.
Frankie McPhillip?
Right now, men, let's go.
Mary, the bread's that fresh, I can't cut it.
Look at the crumbs it's made.
Oh, my boy! 
My boy!
- Mother! 
Mary!
- Oh, Frankie!
Oh, praise be to God.
You've come back to us.
Save your praise for this fog that's upon us, Mother.
It's the best friend I have this night.
And me dodging down dark streets to get here. 
Oh, I was so homesick to see you.
I'd have walked down the middle of O'Connell Street to get a glimpse of you.
Ah, mercy, my son.
Sure, you must be starving!
Frankie, you shouldn't have come.
It's not safe.
Ah, what a long face for a sister.
I'm in with the fog and I'm out with the fog and nobody'll be the wiser.
- Nobody's seen you?
- Just my pal Gypo Nolan.
See, I had to find out if the Tans had a guard on the house.
Have a nice cup of tea.
You can do all your talking afterwards.
Come on, get on the front door there.
Get on the door there.
Machine gunner! 
Machine gunner!
Get on the rear.
Open the place.
- No. 
No!
- Let me out!
Out of the way.
Stay back. 
Stay back! 
Stay back.
Get back. 
I gotta get away.
Frankie, no!
- Where's McPhillip?
- He's not here. 
Get out!
No, Frankie! 
Frankie!
Mary! 
Clear out of the way!
Get out of the way and let me shoot!
Dammit! 
Get out of the way!
Move out!
Frankie!
Frankie, no! 
Stop!
Frankie!
Yes?
Yes.
Right.
McPhillip was killed trying to escape, sir.
20 pounds. 
You'd better count it.
Show him out the back way.
Why, you!
Whisky.
Oh-ho! 
There's a lot of things I'd like if I could afford it.
Good night.
I've got to have a plan.
I've got to have a plan.
Ah, Gypo, I'm your brain.
You can't think without me.
You're lost. 
You're lost.
Oh. 
What do you want to be sneaking up behind a man like that for?
I've been looking all over for you.
I'm...
I'm sorry I blew up at you like that - out in the street, I mean.
Ah, Gypo.
You know I love you.
You're the only one. 
You know that.
Sometimes I get so crazy I don't know what I'm doing.
I've got it. 
I did it for you.
You did what?
You forgot your change, me boyo.
Gypo, where did you get that money?
Look at it. 
And not an hour ago, you hadn't a penny to warm your pocket.
Did somebody die and leave you a pot of gold?
- What are you saying that for?
- Well, did you rob a church or what?
- That's it.
- You...
You mean you robbed a church?
Ah, Gypo.
No. 
No, it wasn't a church.
It was a sailor, off an American ship.
Shh! 
Not so loud.
I went through him behind Cassidy's pub on Jerome Street. 
He was drunk.
But if you say a word of it you'll get me into trouble.
Who, me?
What do you take me for?
An informer?
Why are you talking about informing?
Who's an informer?
!
- Gypo!
- Don't be saying that.
What's the matter here?
What's the matter?
Oh, it's all right, Barney.
Let him alone.
He didn't mean any harm.
Come on. 
Let's get out of here.
Come on up to my room.
There's a nice warm fire there.
Here's your money.
You'll be all right.
Darling, you don't want any more of that.
Let's get in the car.
I'll take you back...
Ah, no, Gypo.
Oh!
Gypo!
You gave him a pound note!
I forgot something.
They'll be wondering why I'm not there already.
'Tis the work of an informer.
'Tis surely.
'Tis the work of an informer.
Oh, Frankie!
Oh, Frankie!
Don't cry, Mother.
I'm sorry for your trouble, Mrs. McPhillip.
What are you shouting for?
Don't you know there's a wake going on?
Ah, let him alone, Bartly.
Sure, he was a friend of my dead boy's.
All the same, you should show more respect for the dead.
Leave 'em alone!
Sure, I was only going to give them back to you, Mr. Nolan.
I swear by all that's holy I warned him to keep away from this house.
Good heavens, man, there's no one suspects you.
Sure, that's right, Gypo.
No one suspects you.
You've been very good to me, Mrs. McPhillip.
I'm sorry for your trouble.
Gypo! 
Gypo! 
Gypo!
- My life, what are you hurrying for?
- What makes you think I'm in a hurry?
Don't be getting your rag out, me boyo.
'Tis a free country, and a man can ask questions without all this gusting.
Especially from an old pal.
Are you working now?
No!
Don't be shouting at me like an Aboriginal.
You can't blame us for taking a friendly interest in you for old times' sake, seeing as how you were one of us at one time.
You don't seem to be in any need of money tonight, Gypo.
Argh! 
Bartly!
What's wrong, boys?
What are you up to?
- He suspects me!
- Suspects you of what?
- I didn't say anything, Bartly...
- You're a liar! 
You did! 
Both of you.
And well I know you.
You're Gallagher's right-hand men...
Shut up, Gypo. 
Are you mad? 
Don't you know there are people listening?
- Don't be accusing me, then.
- Let's get out of here.
- No.
- Gallagher wants to see you.
Well, I'm not going.
Come on, man!
He's not going to eat you.
Is it afraid of the commandant you are?
Afraid? 
I'm not afraid of the finest man that was ever whipped!
Come on, man...
Keep your hands off me.
Come on.
Captain Mulholland, sir.
Gypo Nolan.
Well, Gypo.
You don't seem glad to see me.
You've got a grudge against me. 
Why?
Ah!
There isn't a thing I wouldn't do for you, Dan Gallagher.
But you had me court-martialled and expelled from the organisation.
You disobeyed orders, endangered the organisation.
You had a fair trial, Gypo.
Only for me, you wouldn't have got away as easy as you did.
There were others who wanted to give you this.
Forget that.
We've got something on hand now that's as much your business as ours.
Frankie McPhillip was your pal...
wasn't he?
I want your help, that's all.
This looks like the job of an informer.
We have to get that informer, understand?
If you don't help us with this job, people might think...
It isn't that. 
It isn't that.
Look here, Commandant.
It's... it's how... it's how...
Oh, I don't know what I'm doing!
- What's the matter, Gypo?
- What's the matter?
!
The last six months I've been starving, that's what's the matter.
I've been living from hand to mouth on whatever I could foray from sailors.
I got no clothes. 
I got no money.
I got nothing.
Look here, Gypo.
I'm going to make a fair deal with you.
Last October you put us all in a very dangerous position.
We'll call it quits and reinstate you.
On one condition.
That you find the man that's informed on Frankie McPhillip.
- Do you mean that?
- Indeed I do, Gypo.
Put it there, Danny, my boy.
Put it there.
What did I tell you?
What did I tell you, Bartly?
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, Dan.
There isn't anything I wouldn't do.
Can we have a drink on that?
Let's have a little drink on that.
Have a drink on the commandant, Tommy.
Bartly, my boy, a little drink for you.
There.
Ah!
Ah, that's fine stuff.
It's good stuff, Bartly, eh?
Ahh!
Danny, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.
There isn't anything.
Ah, it's nice to be friendly.
I'd go through fire and water for you.
Who informed on Frankie McPhillip?
I'll tell you.
It was that rat Mulligan.
- Mulligan?
- Mulligan, the tailor?
- As sure as you were born, it was him.
- How do you make that out?
I'll tell you, Commandant.
I didn't like to say it meself.
A man can't be too sure about a thing like that.
But, as you said it yourself, Commandant, in the way you put it...
Hurry up, man.
Make your statement.
Ah! 
That's fine stuff.
- How didn't I think of that before?
- Think of what?
- It... it was the grudge!
- What grudge?
Oh, the grudge. 
The grudge.
- Th-th-that Mulligan had on Frankie!
- About what?
Ah...
Ah, it's a long long story.
It's a long story.
There's another little drink in the bottle.
Take it.
Man alive, you've eradicated the bottle.
Ah, Tommy, Tommy.
Come on now, Gypo, out with it.
What grudge are you talking about?
- Do you remember his sister Suzy?
- Whose sister?
- Mulligan's.
- What has she got to do with it?
What has she got to do with it?
!
Why shouldn't she have something to do with it?
Wasn't she in trouble?
And wasn't Frankie the boyo that was named?
I never heard that.
Well... well, it's true, anyway.
Well...
Here.
Figure that out for your...
figure that out for yourself.
That's why Mulligan informed.
That's why Mulligan informed.
Hey.
I saw him going to the Tan...
Tans' headquarters tonight.
- What time?
- What time?
Half past six.
Well?
Are you taking me back, then?
If your statement checks up, you'll get back.
There's a court of inquiry at 1:30 at the ammunition dump. 
Be there.
Take him up.
Arrange to meet him somewhere.
Bartly, my boy, you'll find me down at Katie Madden's.
Right.
I'll see you boys later.
- Bartly, my boy.
- Show him out.
It's him, Dan. 
I'd stake my life on it.
He's the one that did it.
- He's drunk.
- Drunk, is it?
It's a wonder he can walk at all.
Tell me, how has Mary taken it?
Her heart is dying inside of her, Commandant, but you'd never know it.
She's waiting for you, Dan.
Look, it would be God's own mercy for you to go and see her.
One thing is certain.
We must destroy that informer.
It may be Gypo, but I don't believe it.
He was Frankie's friend and had no motive.
Or it may be Mulligan, though I doubt it again.
Whoever it was, we've got to find them tonight.
One traitor can destroy an army.
It's his life against ours.
- You understand, Bartly?
- I do.
Keep at Gypo's heels like a pot of glue.
Find out all you can and bring him to the ammunition dump at 1:30.
Find Captain Conlon. 
He's to mobilise his company and round up Mulligan.
- I'll attend to the rest. 
Get started.
- Right.
Time! 
Time!
Come along, it's closing time.
Time now! 
You heard what he said.
Go on, off you go.
Gypo!
- Attaboy, Gypo!
- Stand up, man. 
Stand up.
Shake hands with Gallagher's right hand.
Come on!
- What are you looking at me for?
- I'm not looking at you.
You're a liar.
You're a liar!
You can't just...
I can see you looking at me.
A cat can look at a king.
What are you talking about kings for?
Hear, hear.
Don't be talking about kings around here.
You tell him, Gypo. 
That's the boy.
You'll be getting into trouble.
Ah, you're drunken!
Break it up. 
Break it up.
What do you think you're doing?
I saw you hit that man.
You've got no business hitting men like that. 
You'll have to come to the station.
What a blow, Gypo.
What a blow.
Ah, will you look at the two of them.
Lying there sweet and peaceful as the babes in the wood.
And, gentlemen, there's the hand that rocked the cradle.
Me old Gypo!
Hurry! 
Hurry!
Run, Gypo! 
Run!
So, you'll try and beat up a policeman, will you?
Ah, let me go, I had nothing to do with it at all.
I want to get me pipe and me hat!
I paid three shillings for that pipe.
Will you let me get back there and get me pipe and me hat?
Ah, Gypo, me old son...
- Gentlemen. 
I have an announcement.
- Quiet, people.
With my own two eyes, I saw Gypo knock Maloney flying across the road,
- like a man diving off the Bull Wall.
- Who is he?
Who is he? 
Who is he? 
He's Gypo Nolan, and he's as strong as any bull.
- Hey, Gypo, am I right?
- Didn't you ever hear of him?
I tell you what this boyo is - he's a king.
That's what he is. 
King Gypo.
Am I right?
Wasn't he pals with Frankie McPhillip who was shot by the Black and Tans tonight?
Hey. 
When you mention the dead, you add, "The Lord have mercy on his soul."
Unity, boys, now. 
Unity.
- Did you hear what he said?
- Aye.
"May the Lord have mercy on his soul."
He died fighting for Ireland to be free, and every man here should do the same thing.
And I'll do it when my time is called, and so will King Gypo. 
So will King Gypo.
Am I right, Gypo, milord?
Right.
Silence! 
Quiet!
Silence here. 
Quiet, everybody.
Gypo, you have the floor.
I want ever... 
I want everybody to come and have some fish and chips with King Gypo!
Hooray!
Silence! 
Quiet!
Silence! 
Quiet, he said.
Quiet!
Proceed, Gypo.
Come on, every man jack and woman too.
It's all on Gypo.
You hear that? 
You're all guests of King Gypo. 
Am I right, Gypo?
Right. 
And before long, I'm going to be the cock of the walk around here.
Me and Commandant Gallagher.
It's a secret.
You hear that? 
It's a secret.
Come on, chuck 'em out.
Come on, every man jack.
I'll pay for the lot.
- Blimey, it's a lot of people, guv'nor.
- Yes, but they're a lovely crowd.
And every Tom and Judy is a friend of Gypo's. 
Now, do you get that?
Come on, you little scut. 
Get busy now, come on. 
Here, this'll pay for the lot.
Now, do you hear that?
He's going to pay for it.
Didn't I tell you?
Blimey! 
Two quid!
Come on, let's let them have it.
Come on.
Now, order, please.
Ladies first. 
Ladies first.
Come on! 
Gypo's buying fish and chips!
Don't cost a ha'penny. 
Get in there.
- Hey, come on. 
Get some grub.
- Leave me alone. 
Let go.
No, I don't want any.
Leave me alone or I'll smash you!
It's a fight you're looking for, are you?
So that's what's the matter.
It's a fight you're looking for.
You'll get plenty fight...
- Let me have him.
- No, let me have him. 
Let me...
What's the trouble?
What's the trouble?
Bartly, my boy!
Hey, let him alone.
He's a friend of mine.
Get inside there!
Lay a hand on my friend?
!
Come on, man.
Come and have some grub.
I'm in a hurry, Gypo. 
But I'll see you at one o'clock. 
You know where I mean.
Sure, my boy! 
Sure!
Oh, it's a fine night!
The finest night of my life!
Gypo!
That reminds me.
There's somebody waiting for me.
You know what I mean.
- Good night, all!
- Gypo! 
Gypo! 
Gypo!
Wait for me, you darling.
Wait for me. 
Wait for me.
Ah, Gypo, you have a sweet voice.
A sweet voice.
Listen.
Even the birds are still.
Where are you taking me to, you little scut?
I have to get to Katie's.
Ah, there you go, there you go, talking about Katie.
And we having a fine little jamboree.
Don't worry about your little Judy.
She'll be all right on the streets.
Hey! 
Hey, what are you doing?
What you doing? 
You big stiff!
You're drunk, that's what you are!
You're as drunk as a fiddler's dog!
Hey, take your hands off me!
You think you're a king, do you?
Well, you're a big lump of beef, that's all you are. 
A big lump of beef.
You're drunk, and your last penny is spent, and I have no further use for you, Mr. Gypo Nolan.
Ipso facto.
And another thing.
Oh, be the holy...
Where did you get it, Gypo?
There's enough there to choke a horse.
And me joking about it a few minutes ago.
Ah, Gypo, me boy, you're a king, and the descendant of kings.
I'd fight for you, and die for you when the time comes.
And there's me hand on it, Gypo.
The hand of a man that's loyal and true.
Am I right, Gypo?
Come on, you scut.
I'm going to find Katie!
Yes, and I'm the boy to lead you to her.
Come on, she's a lovely girl, Gypo.
A lovely girl.
You should be proud of her.
You should be proud of her.
Come on, don't waste the whole night on her.
- I tell you, it's not the place.
- Will you listen to the man?
Are you trying to insinuate that I'd lead you astray, lead King Gypo astray? 
Never!
Up the barricades first!
Up the barricades and die like a man.
Ah. 
I don't know where I'm at.
Listen, you're in front of Aunt Betty's, the finest shebeen in town, and your little Katie is inside.
You hear her laughing and singing?
And they're playing the piano.
Open up! 
Open up!
Or I'll put my fist through the door!
- What do you want?
- Open up and find out.
Open wider, or I'll smash you to a molecule.
- Oh, you will, will you?
- Gypo! 
Show him he can't intimidate us!
Up the rebels!
- What do you want?
- What does he want? 
What does he want?
Don't be disrespectful to me friend Gypo, or you'll have me to settle with.
Ah, shut your gob!
And what do you mean, breaking in here?
- I'm looking for Katie Madden.
- Well, you won't be finding her here.
Come on... 
Come back.
Come back, Gypo.
Come on back and face them like a man.
Aw, get out! 
Get out! 
Throw 'em out!
Throw 'em out! 
Throw 'em out.
Ah, get 'em outta here.
You're in the wrong place, my young man.
Can't you see we're having a party? 
Now get out! 
Get out before I throw you out!
Katie.
My name isn't Katie.
What is it you want?
That's what I'm asking.
What do you want?
What do you suppose, you old harridan? 
A drink.
You'll get no drink here, you... social climber!
- Go back to the gutter where you belong.
- Don't talk to Gypo and me like that.
And don't be looking down your nose, either, you old squint.
I suppose you think we have no money?
Well, we have lashes of it.
Am I right, Gypo, or am I wrong? 
What did I tell yous? 
He's as rich as Croesus.
Give everybody a drink.
I'm calling for drinks for the house.
- Glasses for everybody!
- Glasses for everybody!
Gypo!
Music! 
Music! 
Music for me old friend and bosom companion!
Music for King Gypo!
And if there's anyone here thinks he's a match with his fists, kindly step up.
- Am I right, Gypo, or am I wrong?
- You're right. 
You're right.
Wait! 
Shut up!
Go to the devil, all of you!
There's more drink where this came from.
- There's more where this came from.
- Get me more drink.
Gypo!
Stop it! 
Stop it, stop it, stop it!
Do you want to get me picked up by the police?
Hey. 
Hey.
I'll keep order for you.
Hey!
Who's making all the row?
The first one that opens his mouth above a whisper... 
I'll crack his skull open.
- And he'd enjoy doing it.
- Yeah.
Gypo! 
Come on!
I'll teach you to behave like a gentleman amongst ladies.
Hey.
Hey. 'Scuse me.
Can you play "All Those Endearing Charms"?
"Believe Me If All Those Endearing Young Charms".
- That's what I said!
- Do you hear? 
That's what he said.
The commandant wants to see you.
- Oh, Dan!
- Mary, darling.
You shouldn't have come.
What if the Tans come back?
It's all right, dear.
My lads are outside.
Poor darling.
I know how you feel.
And there's nothing I can say or do to help, except... well...
I wish it could have been me instead of... 
Frankie.
If I lost you, I would only want to die.
Poor Mother.
Oh, Dan, when is this trouble going to end, this... this killing and more killing?
It's hard on you women, I know.
You're braver than we are.
- Oh, I'm sorry, dear.
- I love you, Mary.
I love you, Dan!
I must ask you some questions...
about Frankie.
May I?
Of course.
There must have been an informer, you know that?
The man who knew about Frankie knows enough to destroy us all.
The moment he's frightened, he'll tell the Tans everything.
And they'll wipe us out.
I'm not thinking about myself.
It's the organisation. 
It's Ireland.
You know that, don't you?
I know that, dear.
I have to find that informer.
Did Frankie think he was followed when he came home tonight?
He was sure he wasn't.
- Had he seen or spoken to anybody?
- Nobody.
Only his friend Gypo Nolan.
He had to ask him if there was a guard on the house.
- Where?
- Let's see.
- The Dunboy House, I think he said.
- Mm. 
I see.
- Did he mention a man named Mulligan?
- No, I'm sure not.
We're holding a court of inquiry at 1:30.
Can you come? 
I need you.
If you need me, I'll come.
I'll come back for you about one o'clock.
Can you slip out the back way?
Oh, Dan! 
Dan! 
What would I do if anything happened to you?
Whatever happens to you it happens to my own heart!
Dan!
Commandant, there's a patrol of Tans in the neighbourhood. 
You'd better hurry.
I forgot something.
I gotta be going.
- Gypo!
- Gypo!
Oh, Gypo, come on back now and I'll get you a nice drink.
And I'll sing you another song.
Come on.
How contemptible you are. 
You only tolerate him because of his money.
- Watch what you're saying, my fine lady.
- I know you hate me.
Simply because I'm... 
I'm not coarse.
Simply because I'm...
No. 
I hate you because you're stuck-up and think you're better than anybody else.
She does, too!
I had no right to come here.
I should have gone to the police.
Police? 
Oh, none of that talk.
Keep away from the police.
What do you want the police for?
I want to get back home.
Where's your home?
It's... it's near London.
Now, listen, Gypo, be very careful.
Don't do anything you'll regret, Gypo.
How much would it cost to get back there?
There. 
There's your fare.
Five pounds!
What are you after doing, Gypo?
Now, don't be afraid. 
Now get outta here and go home. 
Keep the money. 
Go on.
But... keep away from the police.
You're a good man. 
A good man.
Five pounds! 
On my immortal soul!
Gypo, do you know what...
That's all right, deary. 
But she owes me four pounds for board and lodging.
Now, who's gonna pay me that?
Oh, shut your gob!
And not another word.
Now, listen, Gypo, don't start this all over again...
Two and five is seven, and four is eleven.
Eleven pounds.
Ladies and gentlemen, you've seen the wonders of our generosity.
Money scattered like snuff at a wake.
I want you to drink a health to King Gypo, as brave as a lion and as strong as a bull.
I'd go through fire and water for him, and he'd do the same for me.
From now on, from this night, wherever you see one of us, you'll see the other.
Or vice versa, as the case may be.
- Am I right or am I wrong, Gypo?
- Right.
I ask you to drink to the undying friendship...
Shut up!
And who, may I ask, has the impertinence to tell me and Gypo to shut up?
Quiet!
Make way there. 
Make way!
Bartly, my boy!
- Come and have a drink.
- Come along, Gypo.
It's time to be going.
Ha-ha! 
Be off with you!
Who are you to be giving me orders?
Bash him, Gypo. 
Bash him. 
Who does he think he is, giving orders to us?
I said shut up!
They're not my orders, they're Gallagher's.
And you'd better be careful about disobeying them.
You're right, Bartly.
Is it one o'clock?
It is.
I know who they are. 
Them's the Republican Army. 
The Republican Army.
I'm no friend of Gypo.
He wormed his way into my confidence.
I'm a son of Erin, and I'd never lift me hand against the crown.
Crown or no crown, army or no army, who's going to pay me for that last round of drinks?
Come on, Gypo. 
Let's go.
You ought to be thrown into the Liffey, you old hag!
For serving liquor after hours, and on the holy day of obligation.
Not so fast, you little snake.
You can pay for the drinks yourself.
Now, listen, Aunt Betty.
You're a lovely, quiet, decent little woman.
Give me till tomorrow till I raise the wind.
Tomorrow, is it?
McCabe! 
McCabe!
Oh dear, oh dear.
I have a queer feeling there's going to be a strange face in heaven in the morning.
Gypo!
Katie. 
Katie.
I've been looking all over for you.
Where have you been?
I was in my digs. 
I waited for you.
Why didn't you come?
What's wrong, Gypo?
Where are they taking you?
Ah, Katie, it's all right.
It's all right.
Don't you worry.
Gallagher's taking me back.
- Ah, shut up! 
Come on.
- Shut up, Gypo. 
Let's get out of here.
- Wait... 
Wait...
- Let's get out of here.
Will you stop?
Keep your hands off me, will you?
Hey. 
Do you remember the 20 pounds I was talking about?
The 20 pounds?
I got it. 
I got it for you.
I got it for you.
20 pounds.
20 pounds.
- Come on!
- You've had enough talk.
Come on, Gypo.
Gypo!
All right, sir.
Attention!
Our case is prepared, gentlemen.
Watch out below!
Let me alone, will you?
Hello, boys! 
Here I am!
And I can fight the best six men that ever walked the earth. 
Come on.
Danny... 
Danny, me boy. 
Ha-ha!
Am I right? 
You and me, we can put 'em in the ground. 
Come on.
What's the matter with your eye, Bartly?
He got me riled.
I gave him a backhander.
- Sit down.
- Come on.
Give me my hat, will you?
There's my hat.
Bartly, me boy!
Bartly, me boy!
Mulligan.
What brings you here?
Man alive, you ought to be in bed.
This is no hour for a sick man to be out.
Dan, I...
Listen, men.
I had a drop taken before I came here, and I didn't know what I was saying.
But... now I remember.
That's the one that informed on Frankie McPhillip.
- I saw him and he knows it.
- It's a lie! 
It's a lie!
I swear, I never left the house except to go to the chapel to say my prayers.
Ha-ha-ha, me fine boyo!
It's easy work for an informer to be swearing oaths.
It's a lie! 
It's a lie!
Sit down, Gypo.
Sit down.
Peter Mulligan, do you recognise the authority of this court?
I do. 
I do, Commandant.
Heaven knows I do.
Stand here and give the court an account of your whereabouts from noon today.
Could you find no better man to carry off in the middle of the night than me, that's having to work my hands off a- stitching in a basement so cold and damp that I've caught me death of cold?
I'm sorry, Mulligan, start at noon.
Where were you?
At noon today I was lying in my bed.
I had a pain in my side from bronchitis all morning and I had to stay in my bed.
Then, at one o'clock, the old woman gave me a cup of tea and an egg.
I remember I couldn't eat the egg - a good egg, too.
But good or bad, no matter.
I had to get up then on account of a suit that had to be finished for Mick Foley.
It's got to be ready by Friday.
His daughter's getting married...
Never mind Foley.
Tell us about yourself.
There y'are. 
There y'are.
Hear what he said?
Come on, Mulligan.
Make a clean breast of it.
It's not for me to condemn you, Gypo.
Maybe you're not responsible.
Why, blast you!
What are you driving at?
Sit down, Gypo, and keep quiet.
- Do you think?
- Sit down.
- Bartly, me boy.
- Shut up!
Continue, Mulligan.
Well, I worked on till about half past three or maybe a quarter to four, when Charlie Corrigan came in and said his brother Dave was just out of prison.
"Where is he?" "He's upstairs", says he.
We went up and we talked over a cup of tea till about six o'clock - yes, it was just six 
- I remember I heard the Angelus beginning to strike on my way down the stairs, because I remember I stopped to cross myself.
Then I ran down home and put on my overcoat - this one, second-hand it is - and I went to the chapel to...
I'm making the Stations of the Cross.
- How far is the chapel from your house?
- It's maybe 100 yards, maybe it's more.
If you go around by King's, it's less, but if you go the long way around...
Let's say it's 100 yards. 
You arrived at the chapel about three minutes past six.
- How long did you stay?
- I stayed till about half past six, and then I stayed outside talking to Father Conroy for about ten minutes...
- Anyone else?
- I was coming to that.
Then, after I left Father Conroy, I met Barney Kerrigan there...
Near the chapel?
Yes, it must be within 50 yards of it if you're going by measurements...
Never mind. 
You couldn't have been near the Black and Tans' headquarters at six?
Heaven forbid.
I hope to die right here if I was.
- You liar! 
You liar!
- Sit down!
- Liar, Bartly!
- Shut up!
What did you do after you left Kerrigan?
I went back to the house and did a bit more work till about eight.
Then I felt the pain in my side again and I went to my bed.
Till three men, under Mr. Tom Connor there, came in and bundled me into a cab without a by-your-leave, as if I was a criminal.
One more question.
Do you bear anyone a grievance - about your sister Suzy, I mean?
My sister Suzy, is it?
Sure, my sister Suzy's name is Mary Ellen.
For 28 years she's been living in Boston.
She's the mother of eight children.
- That's enough.
- It is that.
- Did you bear any man a grudge?
- I bear no man a grudge, on me oath.
No grievance against Frankie McPhillip?
The Lord have mercy on his soul.
What for?
I hope his sorrows are over him.
I swear on my immortal soul, Miss McPhillip,
I bore no grudge against your brother.
Kerrigan, did you meet Peter Mulligan at about half past six this evening?
- I did.
- Are you sure about the time?
I'm certain.
It was just about half six. 
I was...
- As you were.
- Yes, sir.
Bartly, Bartly, Bartly. 
I...
You will be taken home in the car that brought you here.
I'm sorry this had to happen.
For now, this may help you.
We'll see what can be done for you later.
Good night, Mulligan.
Show him out, Kerrigan.
Hey! 
Hey! 
Wait a minute.
He did it!
Now, Gypo, tell us what you did with your time from six o'clock this evening until Mulholland picked you up at one.
- What's it to do with you where I was?
- Tell us what you did after meeting Frankie McPhillip at the Dunboy House at six.
It's a lie!
I'm sorry, Mary, repeat what Frankie told you when he came home tonight.
He said that he met him at the Dunboy House.
He said he had to make sure there was no guard on our home.
Is that true, Gypo?
If not, why did you say at the wake that you warned him to stay away?
That's it. 
That's what I told him.
You did see him! 
Why did you tell those lies about Mulligan?
Were you drunk or what?
Well, I... 
I...
I'd taken me a drop.
Maybe two. 
I...
What did you do after leaving Frankie?
Tell me.
What did you do after leaving Frankie?
!
Well, it was...
Suppose I don't tell you.
What will you do?
Suit yourself.
If you don't want to tell me,
Bartly Mulholland here can do it for you.
- Come on. 
Better tell us.
- Ah.
I...
I
- I-I-I-I'm all mixed up.
I-I don't know what I'm doing.
I was... 
I'm drunk. 
I...
Dan, I...
I don't know what I'm doing, that's all.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Where did you get the money you spent?
I can't make nothing out, Dan.
I'm drunk.
You broke your first pound in Ryan's. 
The blind man says you gave him a pound.
He did, he did, the poor man.
A pound note, he gave me.
Two pounds you spent on fish and chips.
Two pounds went for drinks in the shebeen, where Mulholland found you.
Five pounds you gave to some woman.
Four pounds you gave to another woman, known as Aunt Betty.
And finally, you gave five pounds to Katie Madden.
That makes just 20 pounds.
- Ah, me head is sore, Dan. 
I'm drunk...
- Where did you get that 20 pounds?
!
I can't remember.
I can't remember, Dan.
Confess, man. 
Ease your soul.
Who was the informer?
I didn't know what I was doing, Dan.
I didn't know what I was doing, Dan.
I didn't know what I was doing.
You can see what I mean.
Bartly! 
Boys!
Isn't there a man here that can tell me why I did it?
Me head is sore. 
I can't tell him.
I-I can't tell him. 
I can't tell him.
I... 
I don't know why I did it.
I don't know why I did it.
- Dan!
- No. 
Lock him up.
- Come on, Gypo. 
Come on. 
Come on.
- I don't know why I did it...
Bartly, I didn't know what I was doing. 
I...
Oh, the Lord have mercy on him.
I'm sorry you had to see this.
Why must we be killing one another?
What good will it do?
Oh, why can't we have peace?
- Have mercy on us all.
- It's all over now, dear.
I'll take you home in just a moment. 
It's not a matter of revenge. 
You know that.
When a man turns informer, it's his life or ours.
Bartly, carry on.
You're next, Donahue.
Next.
- Dennis, draw.
- No, you go first.
- I'm not afraid to draw last.
- What difference does it make?
You're nearest - draw.
- Why should I?
- Come on, it's your turn.
- How do you make that out, man?
- Come on, draw.
- Are you afraid, or what?
- No.
It's your shot, Dennis.
Commandant! 
Bartly! 
He's gone!
Take him down below, men!
Come on! 
Come on! 
Down below!
He got away, Dan. 
The fog's so thick you can't see your hand before your face.
- Who's that?
- It's Kerrigan.
- His jaw is smashed to a jelly.
- That Gypo's an inhuman monster.
We've got to work fast.
If he reaches the Tans before we get him, the whole movement's finished.
Tommy and Daly cover the Tans' headquarters, front and rear.
You take the rest in the van and try to head him off before he crosses the river.
Barry, get reinforcements for Mulholland.
Jump to it!
We're done for if he gets away.
Frankie!
- Gypo!
- They're after me, Katie.
You put the heart crosswise in me.
Where've you been?
They're after me, but they won't get me.
We'll get away.
Gypo, shh.
- Where's the 20 pounds I gave you?
- What are you talking about?
I did it for you.
That's what I couldn't tell Gallagher.
They wouldn't understand.
You understand.
You did what?
What have you done?
!
I informed on Frankie.
Ah, Gypo.
May God have mercy on your soul.
We'll get away. 
They won't get me.
That's how I love you, darling.
I sold out my old pal for you.
Oh, this is a lovely fire.
Oh, it's a lovely fire.
Lie and rest yourself.
Oh, 'tis good.
Good.
You don't know what it is to be running around in the fog on a night like this.
Katie. 
Katie.
Sit down beside me, darling.
Me darling.
Darling.
You're the only one I can trust now.
Do you love me, Katie?
Yes, I love you, Gypo.
I'll love you when I'm clay.
But you don't know what you've done to me.
You don't know what you've done.
I'd lay my life down for you.
You poor blind boy.
- What time is it, Dan?
- Half past five.
Who's that?
Mother's going to church next door.
Dan, what if you don't find him?
I'd die if I lost you too.
I couldn't stand it.
I'm not thinking about myself, darling.
It's all the others, the movement.
Ireland.
That poor fool knows so blasted much.
If only there was something I could do.
It's this horrible waiting.
- Can't I do anything?
- Sure.
- Tell me you love me again.
- I love you, Dan. 
I'll always love you.
No matter what happens, there'll never be anyone else.
Commandant.
- Yes?
- She wants to see you.
She insists on it.
- Who? 
Who?
- She won't talk to a soul...
I'm Katie Madden.
I'm... 
Gypo Nolan's girl.
Shut the door.
Commandant.
I've come to beg of you on my knees.
He didn't know what he was doing.
You can't hurt him if you know how it was.
Do you know what he did?
There's a dead boy lying across the hall.
Yes, and I know why. 
He didn't know what he was doing. 
For me. 
For me, I tell you.
Almighty Father, forgive me for saying the words I did in anger, shaming him for his poverty and blaming him for mine, putting the idea into his head.
Forgive him.
Forgive him.
He didn't know what he was doing!
Let him go, Commandant.
He'll be punishing himself for the rest of his days... and I with him.
- That's not in my power...
- He won't harm you again.
Dan!
Do you think the Tans'll let him alone?
They'll drag everything out of him.
His fear will drive him to them, make him a weapon who'll destroy us all.
- I'll take him away. 
I swear, I will!
- Please, Katie. 
Please!
Ah. 
You're the one that's been hurt.
I'm not the kind of girl you are.
But there was a time when I was.
And I love Gypo no less for being what I am.
And I can see by your eyes that... you love him too.
Suppose it was his life you were begging for.
Wouldn't you be wanting mercy then?
And won't you be giving it to me now?
A sinner.
Where's Gypo now?
Poor lad.
Listen.
He's in my room, the other side of the church.
Dan! 
Tell me you'll give him a chance!
There's no harm in him.
He didn't know what he was doing!
Miss McPhillip, for the sake of your own love, ask him to give my man a chance.
Katie, Katie. 
This is no time for sentiment. 
This is war!
I tell you, I gave Gypo the benefit of every doubt, every chance.
He confessed. 
I didn't pass sentence on him, the court did.
Don't you see how helpless I am?
Suppose it was his life you were begging for!
It is mine, and the lives of hundreds of other men.
Can't you see what you're asking?
I see you won't do it!
You won't!
Come on, now, Dennis. 
It was you that drew the match. 
Don't be afraid.
I'm not afraid.
Are you sure he's in there?
The door is locked.
'Tis locked, I tell you.
Katie! 
Katie!
- I'll bl... 
I'll blow the lock off.
- Yes. 
Sure, now. 
That's an idea. 
Go on.
Mother of God!
Bartly!
Gypo!
Gypo!
'Twas I informed on your son, Mrs. McPhillip.
Forgive me.
Ah, Gypo. 
I forgive you.
You didn't know what you were doing.
You didn't know what you were doing.
Frankie!
Frankie!
Your mother forgives me!

(Dramatic music)
**
(Orchestral music)
**
(Ship's horn blowing)
(Seagulls squawking)
Uh, excuse me, sir.
What?
Oh, I... 
I beg your pardon.
What have I here, dear?
Uh, "what have I here, dear?"
(Ship's horn blowing)
Come on, big brain, let's hear from you.
Excuse me, sailor.
"What have I here, dear" means...
A cigarette case.
Wrong again, professor.
I suppose you know
We're starting this act tomorrow night.
I hope, sweet angel, it means a cigarette case.
It means a fountain pen, nitwit.
Darling, you're a liar.
Thank you, professor.
Well, you gave me the wrong cue.
That's right...
Put me in the wrong.
I never argue with a lady.
I'm not a lady...
I'm your wife.
Yep.
"What have I here, dear" means, uh...
Oh, a fountain pen.
Oh, yes.
Well, let's try again, professor.
What am I holding?
Uh...
Uh-uh, that's cheating.
Well, if you don't trust me,
I should get a divorce.
"Judge, my wife didn't trust me."
One of these days, I shall have you destroyed.
Oh, that'd be nice.
So now what?
So now, what am I holding?
Uh, uh... darling,
Do you by any chance happen to remember,
The exact day when we were married?
Don't change the subject.
Well, you see, uh, what I wanted to say was,
Since next April is going to be
One of our anniversaries, that I might go out
And buy you a nice big Christmas tree.
What am I holding?
You're holding a box of chocolates.
Wrong.
Right.
Right, Miss Know-It-All.
Wrong.
Prove it with the book.
Go on, prove it.
Oh, well...
What were you saying about our anniversary?
What am I holding?
What am I holding, you darling, you?
You darling.
I say, where's Mother?
Mother!
Mother!
Dear, don't we have a porter?
What for?
Remember, a fool and his money are soon parted.
Yes, and you remember... (Muffled)
Oh!
There they are!
(Overlapping chatter)
Could I help?
Put it on there.
Well, Simon, I see you've got everything.
I have everything in the world, I should think.
Let's go.
Come on, you're wasting time.
Come on.
(Overlapping chatter)
Now, madam, have you anything to declare?
I have not.
No.
Cigarettes?
Cigars?
No.
No.
Cameras?
Perfumes?
No, no, no.
Open this bag, please.
Have you anything to declare, sir?
Uh, oh, no, thank you, no.
Here's a pretty thing.
What is it?
Pretty thing.
That's, um, a powder compact.
Right, darling.
Will you open this suitcase, please, sir?
No cigars, cigarettes, cameras, or perfumes?
No perfumes.
Now, what have we got here?
"What have we got here?"
That's, uh...
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
A bottle of whiskey.
Eh? 
Where?
Oh, I beg your pardon, I didn't mean that.
There isn't one.
You said there was.
Yes, well, you see,
You said to me, "What have we got here?"
And the answer to that is "a bottle of whiskey."
You see?
Yes.
(Laughs)
No, I'm afraid I don't.
Well, where is it?
Yes, but you don't understand.
I mean, it's a...
It's a gag.
Yeah, seems like it.
Open this case, will you, please?
Yes, but listen to me.
I'm the great Maximus.
Yes, very likely you are.
Last week, we had a man here who said he was Napoleon,
But that doesn't alter the fact that whiskey is dutiable.
Yes, but you don't understand.
We're a music hall turn.
We're just starting on a tour.
I'm a mind reader.
Yes, that's what I have to be too,
And I'm going to find that whiskey
If I have to search all night for it.
Put that in your mind and read it.
There you are, Max.
I told you this new act would cause trouble.
You should be like your father.
Stick to the old routines.
The proof of the pudding's in the eating.
(Whistle blowing)
Here, look here, my man.
We shall miss our train!
Yes!
Ah, are you with this gentleman?
Well, I...
Yes, he is.
Right, well, come on, open up this case.
Anything to declare?
No.
No.
No perfumes?
No cameras?
No.
No.
No cigarettes?
No cigars?
No.
Oh, nothing to declare, eh?
No.
Cigars!
No cigars?
Well, what about this?
Here, here, don't open that!
What do you think I am?
It's a trick!
Yeah.
Like his disappearing whiskey, I suppose.
Aw, please, it took me two hours to pack that.
Oh, did it? 
Well...
Aah!
(Laughter)
Ladies and gentlemen,
It is with great pleasure
That I present to you the greatest mindreading
And thought stunt special act
That has ever appeared before the public!
Dear, dear, dear, dear!
Oh, now don't you worry, mother.
Everything's gonna be all right.
Max, stick to the old tricks, just as your dad did.
Remember, fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
Yes, but nothing ventured, nothing half-topsy.
Now, will you please put that table
On the other side of the stage?
I've asked you to twice.
Put it on the blue mark, will you?
Professor.
Yes?
Can you tell me what it is?
It is a lipstick, darling.
How do I look?
You look lovely, my sweet.
Do you think you can remember everything?
Well, that's good, coming from you, anyway.
Max, I have to warn you, if anything should happen...
Will you please go away?
Mr. Maximus, please.
Shh! 
Shh! 
Shh! 
Shh!
(Emcee) I have the pleasure of introducing to you
The great Maximus!
(Applause)
I will introduce to you Mademoiselle Rene,
Who will come down amongst you.
(Applause)
I ask you to test
The miraculous powers of this marvelous pair
And to see for yourselves the most perfect example
Of telepathetic communication
The world has ever known!
(Applause)
Ladies and gentlemen, all the best tricks,
Like all the best things in life, are simple,
Though sometimes hard to explain.
I do not profess to be a superman.
The powers I possess
Are possessed, more or less, by you all.
Mademoiselle Rene is among you.
She will ask you to pass her any small personal article.
The waves of thought emanating from her
Will come across the footlights to me.
To put it simply,
It will be as if Mademoiselle Rene
Were my own electric battery,
Motivating the force
Which gives me the power to retransmit to you
My knowledge of what is in her mind,
And, by the hidden mysteries of the powers of thought,
I will describe the object she is holding.
(Applause)
(Rene) Any articles, ladies and gentlemen.
Any personal articles.
You, sir?
What about you?
No? 
Really?
You, miss. 
Perhaps you have something.
Ah, yes, the young lady has something.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Are you ready?
Absolutely, mademoiselle.
I have a very charming thing here.
Can you tell me what it is?
It is...
A lipstick.
Got the first one right, anyway.
Oh, that's beautiful.
May I?
Thank you very much.
I should like you to tell me
What I have now.
What you have now...
Is a tiepin.
(Applause)
He's getting them all right.
Yes, but there's many a slip twixt the cup and the lip.
Miss, ask him to tell you what this is.
Any personal articles, ladies and gentlemen?
Anything you please.
Impressed there's one that's a bit unusual.
Oh, I'm sure you'd like the great Maximus
To tell you what this is.
Yes.
What have I this time?
(Max) That, mademoiselle, is a watch.
A wristwatch.
There you are.
"Time." Watch.
See?
And now, Mademoiselle Rene
Will repeat her performance
For the benefit of the ladies and gentlemen
In the dressed circle.
Here, that's all very well,
But what about this?
(People shouting)
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
(Applause)
(Door rattling)
(Overlapping chatter)
I suppose she knows her way.
How do I get up to the circle?
Around the front.
Ticket office, facing...
But I don't want a ticket.
I'm part of the show.
You mean you're one of the artists?
Yes, can't you see my makeup?
Artists aren't allowed in front without permission.
I've got permission, and the stage is waiting.
Well, you'll have to ask the manager
At the ticket office.
Why can't I go through this way?
'Cause it doesn't lead to the circle.
Well, will you please tell me
How I can get up to the circle?
Is Mademoiselle Rene up there yet?
No, she's not here!
She's left us!
(Overlapping chatter)
Where's the old girl gone to?
(Laughter)
Hey, what have I got here?
It's a pipe!
A pipe!
(Overlapping chatter)
(Man shouting)
(Laughter)
(Whistling)
(Applause)
(Rhythmic clapping)
(Laughter)
(Whistling)
(Rhythmic clapping)
What's wrong?
(Whistling)
(Rhythmic clapping)
(Applause)
(Rhythmic clapping)
Go on!
Go ahead, go ahead!
(Rhythmic clapping)
(Whistling)
(Rhythmic clapping)
Just that, just that.
He calls himself a mind-reader.
(Laughter)
What have I got here?
It's a letter.
What's it about?
From your wife.
Well, that's where you're wrong.
(Laughter)
About your wife.
What did he say?
He said it was about your wife.
Well, he's right.
It's from a hospital.
That letter is two days old.
You'd better go to your wife.
Don't tell me she's worse.
Excuse me, will you?
This isn't the act they rehearsed.
I know what it is.
And you...
I see...
A railway journey.
(Dramatic music)
I see...
**
I see... (Audience murmuring)
Every man is called by God to his profession.
I n doing his job, he is helping his neighbors.
Helping one's neighbors includes many other things such as treating the environment with respect.
It is scandalous how dependent we have become on the airplane.
Climate change, global warming are directly due to mankind's behavior.
Mankind faces its greatest challenge ever.
We must change our behavior or we will make our planet uninhabitable for future generations!
.
Man must understand that he is responsible for his actions!
.
The work climate is great.
I'd like to stay there.
Depending on how many projects come in, we'll see if I can get a contract.
How many internships have you done?
.
- Don't answer him,
Stefan.
- He gets one internship after another and they earn all the money.
You study till you' re 30, intern till you' re 40, then you go onto unemployment. 
Great system.
At least he's trying and he's come a long way.
He finished school, got a degree...
- All this again?
.
I've been earning my money since I was 1 8. 
Is that a problem?
.
Will it last?
. 
You look unwell.
- Stop it!
Icka's right. 
I am being used.
To you, Father.
To you two.
Happy birthday, Father.
- Thank you.
No thanks. 
I have to work tonight.
How is your girlfriend, Mathilde?
.
How is she?
.
Fine.
And your new album?
.
Super. 
I gotta get it done now.
I'm almost there. 
Then Mathilde and I are going on vacation.
The south of France or something.
You want the record release party here?
.
I 'll have to block the date.
When do you want?
.
- l' ll have to talk with Alice from the label.
I 'll write it in.
It'd be great to do the release here.
- I agree.
Mathilde!
- Corinna! 
- Be right there.
Hey.
Hey.
Have you seen lckarus?
.
On stage earlier. 
Not since then.
Have fun looking.
Hey!
If you're looking for me, I'm doing the door, honey.
Have you seen lckarus?
.
- A while ago.
Give him anything?
.
I asked you a question.
What is wrong with you?
. 
Are you nuts?
.
What did you give him?
.
- Pills. 
M DMA, no big deal.
You want one, too?
.
No...
Give me two.
On the house.
Good stuff, from Benelux.
Start with a quarter.
Supposed to be hefty.
I don't want you giving lckarus keta, crystal or any hardcore stuff.
No keta, no crystal, are we clear?
.
- Yes.
Did you find lcka?
.
No. 
What are you doing after?
.
Why?
. 
I' m almost finished.
What is it?
.
Nothing.
Excuse me. 
Are you a guest here?
.
And I love your breakfast.
But it is so warm in here.
You feel that?
.
Heat wave. 
Whoa...
Man, I ' m bleeding...
I'm bleeding.
Your friend is doing well.
He is in acute care.
We'd like to put him in the open ward, he is lucky, we have a bed free.
If you could bring him some things.
H is clothes were full of yoghurt.
We're having them cleaned.
- How long do you think he'll have to stay?
. 
- We'll have to see if his psychosis is drug induced or if the symptoms persist.
In cases of acute intoxication, insurance will usually pay for between 7 and 21 days here.
Then we'll see how he's doing.
First we need to find out what kind of pill he ran into.
Try testing these pills.
Ickarus probably took one.
Hello, M r. 
Karow. 
I'm Alex, the civilian service assistant.
I'll need hair and urine samples from you.
But I guess we can forget the hair.
Man, aren't you DJ lckarus?
.
I'm lckarus.
Oh man!
I was at the Erfurt Open Air last year!
I danced my ass of!
Oh man, so cool, so...
It was so great, yeah...
Nice to have you here.
How are you feeling?
.
- Bad trip yesterday.
What do you mean?
.
That wasn't normal ecstasy.
That pill was bad. 
Really evil.
I have never sweated like that.
I totally felt the fear.
- Of what?
.
Of like... myself.
I kept thinking my heart was going to stop.
I saw my death.
What did your death look like?
.
I think Death just stopped in to say hi.
And now?
. 
How are you feeling?
.
My heart is still racing.
But I feel better.
Let's see what the lab says.
I' m anxious to know what you took.
I would like to emphasize that your stay is voluntary.
If I can't take it, I 'll leave.
Right. 
The garden is open during the day but the doors are locked at night.
If you want to leave the hospital, you have to tell me.
Can I have my computer and controller?
.
- What kind of controller?
.
A thing with buttons. 
For making music.
For my work.
- Oh. 
Yes, yes.
You're welcome to work here if you don't disturb the others.
Fine.
Then I ' ll stay till the results are in.
Not a day longer! 
- Good.
Professor Doctor Petra Paul...
" Drugs, Art and Rebellion."
"Andreas Baader was on speed,
Aldous Huxley on LSD, Rainer Werner Fassbinder on cocaine.
Berlin doctor, Petra Paul assesses her time as a student from a neurological perspective.
You're welcome to read it.
No thanks.
Very funny.
Are you worried about the gigs?
.
- We can cancel the gigs.
We can go into overdraft.
I am worried about you.
Don't exaggerate.
Take a look around.
The album is what's important.
It' ll be super. 
Then a vacation.
Let's wait for the results here and then get outta here.
What are you doing?
.
- I 'm setting something.
Was that chick your girlfriend?
.
- Yep.
I' ll give you a tip.
Watch out for that doctor.
She'll drive you crazy.
I' m taking you to movement therapy.
No way. 
I've got an album to finish.
May I hear some of your music?
.
It's probably better on the dance floor than in the loony bin.
I find it very dark, almost depressive.
You mean melancholy...
Want to hear something depressive?
.
I want you to come to movement therapy now. 
- Nope.
Stop saying no to everything, M r. 
Karow.
We breathe in and close our eyes...
M ichael, close your eyes.
Very calmly, try to close your eyes.
You can do it.
Very calm, M ichael.
Breathe in and out and close your eyes.
M ichael, stay calm.
Think of the black BMW.
Think about the black BMW.
You're not afraid, close your eyes.
And we reach for the stars...
Stretch, stretch...
Reach for the stars...
Exhale and... inhale and stretch.
M r. 
Karow, I know you' re not used to it, but you could try to feel your body more.
You are completely tense.
I nhale and stretch.
And reach for the stars. 
And exhale.
I nhale.
Yes, Mr. Karow, that's good.
M ichael, you have made progress.
We' re going for a walk tomorrow.
We' re going outside.
Thank you for your contribution.
Pete, it's your turn.
I told you everything last time.
What am I supposed to say?
.
We had gotten to where the entire Leipzig police force was after you.
That's not true, but it doesn't matter.
My problem isn't the Leipzig police, it's your fucking pills. 
Without 'em,
I'd be out doing my apprenticeship.
The police aren't the problem.
You're the problem.
- Pete, we've gone over this.
I'm done till you stop giving me pills!
Fine.
And you, M r. 
Karow?
.
Don't you want to sit on your ball?
.
No way!
Fine.
Man!
Pete, what are you doing?
.
Man, what are you looking for?
.
- My USA T-shirt.
What shirt?
.
- My USA T-shirt!
It's gone!
Pete, you're wearing your USA T-shirt!
Pete, everything's okay.
How is he now?
.
- He's asleep. 
He took his pills.
What's wrong with him?
.
Crystal Meth.
Crystal is hardcore.
And him?
.
He's called Gebhard.
Goa Gebhard. 
It took a year for his parents to find him in I ndia.
He never came off his LSD. 
His friend drowned while they were tripping.
He's never talked since. 
Nothing.
Straight-A student.
Night, lcka.
- See you tomorrow.
Icka, what's wrong?
.
Is the TV too loud?
.
Everything's full of water.
- What?
.
We have to do something.
Here?
.
Jamal, what's going on?
. 
You alright?
.
Water everywhere.
- Wait, I 'm coming. 
- Water all over...
Turn it off.
T urn the water off.
Here... 
Open your hand.
Yes...
You've got everything on the market in your bloodstream; 
THC, ketamine, M DMA, M DA, amphetamines, cocaine...
Everything except heroin.
Your cocaine levels are extremely high, M r. 
Karow.
The pill's results are also very disturbing.
I nstead of M DMA, the pill contained 1 00 mg of M DA.
And what upsets me the most is the 40 mg of highly toxic PMA in the pill.
PMA is a strong hallucinogen and causes a large increase in blood pressure and body temperature.
The substance PMA has also been known to cause death.
M r. 
Karow...
You are free to leave any time, but I strongly recommend... you take some time off.
Under our supervision.
We're stopping the promo and the album goes on ice.
You can't do that.
- Mathilde, I already stopped the promo and pushed up another production.
When lckarus finds out he will totally freak out!
Icka has to learn to drink water.
Are you worried about your job?
.
You could help me manage M ike or Patricia.
They're easier to handle than lckarus.
This is not about me, Alice.
And I am not interested in managing another DJ.
Let's wait two weeks...
- No. 
When lckarus is back to normal, we'll talk about the album.
So we've cancelled lckarus' record release party and move this.
- Do you have a job for me?
.
I mean, just for a while.
- Door or bar?
.
Door.
Door with Corinna like the old days.
Want one?
.
Icka always had everything under control.
What was that pill that nailed him?
.
The pill was a bastard.
The doctor said it had PMA in it. 
- PMA?
.
What is that?
.
- It is some bad, bad shit.
Where'd he get it?
.
Here?
.
I can't allow that.
I don't want bad pills in my club.
Who is selling them?
.
Erbse!
Hey, Pete, it's no fun this way.
Man, Pete, play right!
Don't just smash it all the time!
I'm tired of this.
Alex, I need to go out for a while.
They're driving me crazy.
Can you tell the doorman?
.
Did you talk with Dr. Paul?
.
- She's not here.
This is an open ward, not a prison, right?
.
It's better if Dr. Paul knows.
- But she's not here! 
How can she?
.
Come on. 
I want some cigarettes.
Gotta lose these crazies for a while.
Yes... but not for long.
Come right back, okay, lcka?
.
1 0 minutes!
Erbse!
Hey. 
- Hey. 
Sorry about that pill.
I didn't know they were so bad.
You have to choose one of three jobs.
I have to collect the empties in a liquor store. 
I stand around and have to take the bottles out of the machine...
The other day, some guy had the wrong bottles, the machine was beeping...
I told him through the slot,
"We don't take them! 
They' re not ours!"
He flipped out, starting throwing bottles.
1 0 minutes later the police came.
I only just got my 'stuff' hidden.
Why do you do that job?
.
I have to do it to get my welfare money.
But it's cool,
I even get my 'stuff' delivered there.
Nobody notices. 
But I 'm quitting.
I've got a buddy who is getting me a real job. 
- What?
.
He works in insurance, pension plans, car insurance, life insurance...
Might be good for me.
I know lots of people.
I know how to sell...
Subscriber present.
Alex?
. 
To the hospital?
. 
Now?
.
No way. 
I' m in a meeting...
The album... 
Ciao.
Idiot...
Do it, it sounds good.
Hey, lcka!
Jenny! 
You here, too?
.
I just got here.
Where've you been all the time?
.
London, Brussels...
Just got back. 
And you?
.
I'm alright.
How is it?
. 
You got any party powder?
.
Party?
.
- Yeah. - l' m up for it.
And your girlfriend?
.
- No idea.
I see. 
Well then...
Got it?
.
Another line?
.
- No.
I 'll have one for myself.
Oh God...
Did you see the Japan mix?
.
Look at me.
Fuck off, lcka.
- I need that recording!
Hello?
. 
I just told you to fuck off.
I am so sick of your ego trip.
- Do I tell you what to do all the time?
.
Do I say anything about Conny?
. 
No.
You can fuck who you want. 
I don't care.
But I have a problem if you act like you' re a saint and order me around.
It's annoying.
I'll be off then.
The new album is going to be so massive.
Really great stuff.
We have to talk.
Alice stopped the album. 
Pushed it back.

This is wicked.
This is going on it, too.
So the album is ... done.
I don't know ...
- You don't know?
About the tracks or what?
I've heard all of your new tracks.
I think you can do better.
Your new stuff is so ... random.
Half-baked, you know. 
Just calm down and work on it. 
Concentrate.
Relax.
- Relax, sure.
How can I when I'm playing all the time?
What have you got against my tracks?
You probably didn't even listen to them.
My shit rocks, period.
The new album can be released.
Subscriber present.
- Hi Icka, it's me.
Erbse, how are you?
- Can I come upstairs?
- Come on up.
See you in a sec.
The tax office is sending more payment notices! 
Are they crazy?
We're in the clear. 
We paid everything.
The second half was so boring.
They have to warm up. 
- Warm up?
What are they getting paid for?
- They need to warm up.
That'd be the 15th and 16th.
Yes, sure. 
That's great.
Sorry, I won't be able to make it.
Hey, Mathilde, how are you?
No, it depends on when the new album comes out.
I'll call when I have the dates together. 
Please don't forget about the Moscow gig.
ltwould fit in perfectly.
Good. 
Bye then.
Yes, Alice. I'll talk with him.
I don't want Erbse in our apartment anymore.
Yes, Mommy.
is that ketamine?
Why are you always taking something?
I'm just relaxing.
Here.
It's an electric saw, lcka.
They're working outside.
And? 
Feeling better?
Back on track.
Dude, what a blast.
I'm gonna party. 
You coming?
One more line?
I've had enough.
I heard you were in Holland?
Open Air Festival?
Yeah, how did you know?
Your website.
Oh, right.
Holland, France ...
I just got back into town.
And? 
Your girlfriend?
She always comes with me. 
You know that.
And you?
I'm alright.
You still doing your apprenticeship?
- Yeah, but it's boring.
Jenny, didn't you want to sing?
- l don't know.
What about your album?
When is it coming out?
My album? 
Soon.
And it is going to be the bomb!
Got any plans? 
Now?
- l have to go.
Important?
- Really important. 
- Seriously?
No ...
- ls there another after hour?
It's my father's birthday.
- Really?
"Work is to man as flight is to birds," said Martin Luther.
Every man is called by God to his profession.
In doing his job, he is helping his neighbors.
Helping one's neighbors includes many other things such as treating the environment with respect.
It is scandalous how dependent we have become on the airplane.
Climate change, global warming are directly due to mankind's behavior.
Mankind faces its greatest challenge ever.
We must change our behavior or we will make our planet uninhabitable for future generations!
Man must understand that he is responsible for his actions!
The work climate is great.
I'd like to stay there.
Depending on how many projects come in, we'll see if I can get a contract.
How many internships have you done?
- Don't answer him,
Stefan.
- He gets one internship after another and they earn all the money.
You study till you're 30, intern till you're 40, then you go onto unemployment. 
Great system.
At least he's trying and he's come a long way.
He finished school, got a degree ...
-All this again?
I've been earning my money since I was 18. is that a problem?
Will it last?
. 
You look unwell.
- Stop it!
lcka's right. I am being used.
To you, Father.
To you two.
Happy birthday, Father.
- Thank you.
No thanks. I have to work tonight.
How is your girlfriend, Mathilde?
How is she?
Fine.
And your new album?
Super. I gotta get it done now.
I'm almost there. 
Then Mathilde and I are going on vacation.
The south of France or something.
You want the record release party here?
I'll have to block the date.
When do you want?
.
- l'll have to talk with Alice from the label.
I'll write it in.
It'd be great to do the release here.
- l agree.
Mathilde!
- Corinna! 
- Be right there.
Hey.
Hey.
Have you seen lckarus?
On stage earlier. 
Not since then.
Have fun looking.
Hey!
If you're looking for me, I'm doing the door, honey.
Have you seen lckarus?
-Awhile ago.
Give him anything?
I asked you a question.
What is wrong with you? 
Are you nuts?
What did you give him?
- Pills. 
MDMA, no big deal.
You want one, too?
No ...
Give me two.
On the house.
Good stuff, from Benelux.
Start with a quarter.
Supposed to be hefty.
I don'twant you giving lckarus keta, crystal or any hardcore stuff.
No keta, no crystal, are we clear?
- Yes.
Did you find lcka?
No. 
What are you doing after?
Why? 
I'm almost finished.
What is it?
.
Nothing.
Excuse me. 
Are you a guest here?
And I love your breakfast.
But it is so warm in here.
You feel that?
.
Heatwave. 
Whoa ...
Man, I'm bleeding ... I'm bleeding.
Your friend is doing well.
He is in acute care.
We'd like to put him in the open ward, he is lucky, we have a bed free.
If you could bring him some things.
His clothes were full of yoghurt.
We're having them cleaned.
- How long do you think he'll have to stay? 
- We'll have to see if his psychosis is drug induced or if the symptoms persist.
In cases of acute intoxication, insurance will usually pay for between 7 and 21 days here.
Then we'll see how he's doing.
Firstwe need to find out what kind of pill he ran into.
Try testing these pills.
lckarus probably took one.
Hello, Mr. Karow. I'm Alex, the civilian service assistant.
I'll need hair and urine samples from you.
But I guess we can forget the hair.
Man, aren't you DJ lckarus?
I'm lckarus.
Oh man!
I was at the Erfurt Open Air last year!
I danced my ass of!
Oh man, so cool, so ...
Itwas so great, yeah ...
Nice to have you here.
How are you feeling?
- Bad trip yesterday.
What do you mean?
Thatwasn't normal ecstasy.
That pill was bad. 
Really evil.
I have never sweated like that.
I totally felt the fear.
- Of what?
.
Of like ... myself.
I kept thinking my heartwas going to stop.
I saw my death.
What did your death look like?
I think Death just stopped in to say hi.
And now? 
How are you feeling?
My heart is still racing.
But I feel better.
Let's see what the lab says.
I'm anxious to know what you took.
I would like to emphasize that your stay is voluntary.
If I can't take it, I'll leave.
Right. 
The garden is open during the day but the doors are locked at night.
If you want to leave the hospital, you have to tell me.
Can I have my computer and controller?
- What kind of controller?
Athing with buttons. 
For making music.
For my work.
- Oh. 
Yes, yes.
You're welcome to work here if you don't disturb the others.
Fine.
Then I'll stay till the results are in.
Not a day longer! 
- Good.
Professor Doctor Petra Paul ...
"Drugs, Art and Rebellion."
"Andreas Baader was on speed,
Aldous Huxley on LSD, Rainer Werner Fassbinder on cocaine.
Berlin doctor, Petra Paul assesses her time as a student from a neurological perspective.
You're welcome to read it.
No thanks.
Very funny.
Are you worried about the gigs?
- We can cancel the gigs.
We can go into overdraft.
I am worried about you.
Don't exaggerate.
Take a look around.
The album is what's important.
It'll be super. 
Then a vacation.
Let's wait forthe results here and then get outta here.
What are you doing?
- l'm setting something.
Was that chick your girlfriend?
- Yep.
I'll give you a tip.
Watch out forthat doctor.
She'll drive you crazy.
I'm taking you to movement therapy.
No way. I've got an album to finish.
May I hear some of your music?
It's probably better on the dance floor than in the loony bin.
I find it very dark, almost depressive.
You mean melancholy ...
Want to hear something depressive?
I want you to come to movement therapy now. 
- Nope.
Stop saying no to everything, Mr. Karow.
We breathe in and close our eyes ...
Michael, close your eyes.
Very calmly, try to close your eyes.
You can do it.
Very calm, Michael.
Breathe in and out and close your eyes.
Michael, stay calm.
Think of the black BMW.
Think about the black BMW.
You're not afraid, close your eyes.
And we reach forthe stars ...
Stretch, stretch ...
Reach for the stars ...
Exhale and ... inhale and stretch.
Mr. Karow, I know you're not used to it, but you could try to feel your body more.
You are completely tense.
Inhale and stretch.
And reach forthe stars. 
And exhale.
Inhale.
Yes, Mr. Karow, that's good.
Michael, you have made progress.
We're going for a walk tomorrow.
We're going outside.
Thank you for your contribution.
Pete, it's your turn.
I told you everything last time.
What am I supposed to say?
We had gotten to where the entire Leipzig police force was after you.
That's not true, but it doesn't matter.
My problem isn't the Leipzig police, it's yourfucking pills. 
Without 'em, I'd be out doing my apprenticeship.
The police aren't the problem.
You're the problem.
- Pete, we've gone overthis.
I'm done till you stop giving me pills!
Fine.
And you, Mr. Karow?
Don't you want to sit on your ball?
No way!
Fine.
Man!
Pete, what are you doing?
Man, what are you looking for?
- My USAT-shirt.
What shirt?
- My USAT-shirt!
It's gone!
Pete, you're wearing your USAT-shirt!
Pete, everything's okay.
How is he now?
- He's asleep. 
He took his pills.
What's wrong with him?
Crystal Meth.
Crystal is hardcore.
And him?
He's called Gebhard.
Goa Gebhard. lt took a year for his parents to find him in India.
He never came off his LSD. 
His friend drowned while they were tripping.
He's never talked since. 
Nothing.
Straight-A student.
Night, lcka.
- See you tomorrow.
lcka, what's wrong?
is the TV too loud?
Everything's full of water.
- What?
We have to do something.
Here?
Jamal, what's going on? 
You alright?
Water everywhere.
- Wait, I'm coming. 
- Water all over ...
Turn it off.
Turn the water off.
Here ... 
Open your hand.
Yes ...
You've got everything on the market in your bloodstream: 
THC, ketamine, MDMA, MDA, amphetamines, cocaine ...
Everything except heroin.
Your cocaine levels are extremely high, Mr. Karow.
The pill's results are also very disturbing.
Instead of MDMA, the pill contained 100 mg of MDA.
And what upsets me the most is the 40 mg of highly toxic PMA in the pill.
PMA is a strong hallucinogen and causes a large increase in blood pressure and body temperature.
The substance PMA has also been known to cause death.
Mr. Karow ...
You are free to leave any time, but I strongly recommend ... you take some time off.
Under our supervision.
We're stopping the promo and the album goes on ice.
You can't do that.
- Mathilde, I already stopped the promo and pushed up another production.
When lckarus finds out he will totally freak out!
lcka has to learn to drink water.
Are you worried about yourjob?
You could help me manage Mike or Patricia.
They're easierto handle than lckarus.
This is not about me, Alice.
And I am not interested in managing another DJ.
Let's wait two weeks ...
- No. 
When lckarus is back to normal, we'll talk about the album.
So we've cancelled lckarus' record release party and move this.
- Do you have a job for me?
I mean, just for a while.
- Door or bar?
Door.
Doorwith Corinna like the old days.
Want one?
lcka always had everything under control.
Whatwas that pill that nailed him?
The pill was a bastard.
The doctor said it had PMA in it. 
- PMA?
What is that?
.
- lt is some bad, bad shit.
Where'd he get it?
.
Here?
I can't allow that.
I don'twant bad pills in my club.
Who is selling them?
Erbse!
Hey, Pete, it's no fun this way.
Man, Pete, play right!
Don'tjust smash it all the time!
I'm tired of this.
Alex, I need to go out for a while.
They're driving me crazy.
Can you tell the doorman?
Did you talk with Dr. Paul?
- She's not here.
This is an open ward, not a prison, right?
.
It's better if Dr. Paul knows.
- But she's not here! 
How can she?
Come on. I want some cigarettes.
Gotta lose these crazies for a while.
Yes ... but not for long.
Come right back, okay, lcka?
10 minutes!
Erbse!
Hey. 
- Hey. 
Sorry about that pill.
I didn't know they were so bad.
You have to choose one of three jobs.
I have to collect the empties in a liquor store. I stand around and have to take the bottles out of the machine ...
The other day, some guy had the wrong bottles, the machine was beeping ... I told him through the slot,
"We don't take them! 
They're not ours!"
He flipped out, starting throwing bottles.
10 minutes laterthe police came.
I only just got my 'stuff hidden.
Why do you do thatjob?
I have to do it to get my welfare money.
But it's cool, I even get my 'stuff delivered there.
Nobody notices. 
But I'm quitting.
I've got a buddy who is getting me a real job. 
- What?
He works in insurance, pension plans, car insurance, life insurance ...
Might be good for me.
I know lots of people.
I know how to sell ...
Subscriber present.
Alex? 
To the hospital? 
Now?
No way. I'm in a meeting ...
The album ... 
Ciao.
Idiot ...
Do it, it sounds good.
Hey, lcka!
Jenny! 
You here, too?
I just got here.
Where've you been all the time?
London, Brussels ...
Just got back. 
And you?
I'm alright.
How is it? 
You got any party powder?
Party?
- Yeah. - l'm up for it.
And your girlfriend?
- No idea.
I see. 
Well then ...
Got it?
Another line?
- No.
I'll have one for myself.
Oh God ...
Did you see the Japan mix?
2002?
Look at me.
Fuck off, lcka.
- l need that recording!
Hello? 
I just told you to fuck off.
I am so sick of your ego trip.
- Do I tell you what to do all the time?
Do I say anything about Conny? 
No.
You can fuck who you want. I don't care.
But I have a problem if you act like you're a saint and order me around.
It's annoying.
I'll be off then.
The new album is going to be so massive.
Really great stuff.
We have to talk.
Alice stopped the album. 
Pushed it back.
Stopped the album? 
Pushed it back?
Tell me it's not true!
Tell me it's not true!
Calm down. 
She wants you back to normal.
- Normal? 
I'll smack that fucking cunt!
Then she'll know what "normal" is!
- Stay and sleep it off first!
Why did you cancel my album?
Why?
You think you can treat me like this?
Just say it if you want to fire me!
Don't I fit your "concept" anymore?
Mr. Karow!
Mr. Karow, you have to sign outwith me to leave the hospital.
Alexander, get him please.
Come on, itwas on yourwatch.
lcka, open up!
It rocks! 
Or is dancing prohibited?
lcka, please open up.
Alex, this is the new album.
Hear how it rocks?
You can start now.
Alex, what is this?
A pay rise?
Dr. Paul says itwould be better, if it's okay with you.
Our dear doctor could have told me.
- Nice one before, lcka.
The yellow ones are light anyway.
- Welcome to the club.
Good morning.
Morning.
I wanted to ask if I can go into the city.
I gotta talk with my girlfriend.
I made a mistake that I have to patch up.
- No.
You either stay and participate or you can leave for good.
It's important. I have to apologize.
Pack yourthings and leave then.
But coming and going all the time makes no sense.
Very funny.
You're a real hippy bitch!
Liberal on the outside, but reactionary when it counts! 
Ho, Ho, Ho Chi Minh!
Mathilde!
It's me!
Hey there!
Tax Department
Hey, how are you?
Um ... is Mathilde there?
I gotta talk to her.
- l don't think she wants to see you.
I wanted to apologize for being stupid.
She also has to see this letter.
They want 25,000 euros in back-taxes.
Where can I get the money?
What am I supposed to tell them?
Wait here. I'll ask.
Mathilde says the '99 to '03 taxes were before hertime. 
Not her business.
And she doesn't want to see you.
Hey, what is this shit?
I want to see Mathilde!
Pull yourself together and grow up, you loser.
Good that you're here, lcka.
Find yourself a new label.
Actually, I came to apologize and ask for an advance, 'cause of the tax department.
I'm not loaning you any more money.
And I'm not listening to anything else.
Man ...
You know I get strange when I'm working on a new album, but I don't mean it.
No, lcka. I've had enough.
Your music wasn't bad, but you never got your head together.
I made your label what it is!
I've been in the biz longer than you.
You think too much of yourself.
And that is exactly your problem.
Good luck.
Erbse!
- Hey! 
lcka, come in!
Alex! 
How's it hanging, dude?
- Hey, lcka. 
How's it going?
The new album will be great!
Harvest time! 
- lcka ...
Hey, Pete. 
Where's my computer?
And my case?
The witch took everything.
Where is my computer?
- Mr. Karow, we can talk tomorrow ... I was just going.
- Where's my computer? 
- That music is confusing you. 
- Don'tjudge music you have no idea about!
Give me my computer now or I'll put on a show like you've never seen!
Now I'm curious.
Leave tomorrow!
Then you'll get your computer! 
Out!
Good evening.
We have some gentlemen here and we need a bit of female company.
Not all the way. 
Just some fondling.
Not too young, not too old.
Make sure they have big tits.
... A pleasant atmosphere.
Let's have a farewell party.
No ... 
I don't think so.
- What?
Dr. Paul throws me out and you won't let me have a farewell?
You're denying me a party?
No, but ...
Alex, yourturn.
Guys? 
How about a farewell party?
What's up? 
Dr. Paul threw me out and you're not giving me a farewell party?
Say something.
Goa Gebhard, say something! 
Just once!
Franz!
Michael, we're buddies, right?
.
Pete, do we let the witch win?
- No we shouldn't. 
-Alex ... lt's unanimous. 
Give me the keys.
Why do you need the keys?
- Beer, cigarettes ...
Farewell party!
Afarewell beerwith lcka! 
I'm in!
I've been thrown out anyway.
I can come and go as I like.
Right!
No, lcka. really.
- Come on!
Alex, come on!
Give him the keys! 
Come on!
Alex!
-Alex ...
Alex ...
Party ... 
Alex ...
Guys, keep cool.
Alex ... 
Party ...
But don't overdo it, okay, lcka?
Four beers, no more.
Hey, hi. 
You got the money?
Yeah. 300, right?
300. 
Right.
Don'tworry about the guys, they're a little weird, but ... they're basically sweet.
Haven't seen many women lately.
You work here? 
- Yes.
- How long? 
- Three years.
I did my training here and stayed on.
Y'know what else I got?
.
- What? 
- Psychic pick-me-ups. 
Wicked.
You want some?
- Yes. 
- Gimme one.
Hello!
Where is my computer?
Where is my computer?
I want my computer back!
Give it to me!
My computer!
How can you put a 19-year-old civilian service assistant in charge of the night shift!
Alone!
This is also yourfault, Dr. Paul.
Of course it is bad putting the service assistant in charge, but that's not my fault.
I've been saying it for years.
I want lckarus released immediately!
This place is making him even crazier.
I am calling a taxi now, and taking lckarus with me.
I'm sorry, I cannot allow that.
His schizophrenic episodes are unpredictable. 
He is dangerous.
I cannot be responsible for his release at this time.
Responsible forwhat?
I thought he was here voluntarily!
You are a liar, Dr. Paul!
To you, lcka is just a poster child for your stupid study about long-term, drug-mix consumption so that you can hit the big-time!
lckarus is an artist!
He's not a normal patient!
If you won't let him go, I will call a lawyer.
Ms. Maier-Telkes, when a patient is at high risk of suicide or a potential danger to others, I am not allowed to release them.
If you want to take me to court, it is also my duty to tell you how to do so.
Martin was 13, Stefan 18, when their mother died.
Just as the Berlin Wall fell.
Everything changed forthem from one day to the next.
Stefan became withdrawn and Martin was suddenly DJ lckarus,
he dropped out of school ...
He spent almost his entire puberty in clubs.
I was ...
Raising them both is probably still too much for me even now.
Stefan is growing up, but Martin ...
Anyone who only thinks of himself will always be lonely.
I mean, I don't demand that he believe in God, but he should believe in something!
Mr. Karow, I believe your son is a highly sensitive person and he actually has very strong faith in something.
He believes in his music.
Honestly, I also underestimated it.
I wanted to pay my debts.
Hey, forget it.
- No. 
Take it, for me.
I'm moving to Ireland.
Why there?
I got a full-time job there.
And a girlfriend.
Really?
That's totally awesome.
My head feels so fuzzy.
I sleep all day, don't feel like doing anything.
Yourtablets are pretty wicked.
They're like that at first.
I'll check your dosage.
Do you believe in reincarnation?
Reincarnation? 
Why?
I was imagining, I ...
That if I died now ... or if I were already dead, then I could be reborn here
as a fly ... as a mayfly.
It's a great idea.
I mean, every day a new life.
Do you know about Buddhism?
- No.
Nothing at all.
Go to the hospital! 
Have a look!
Go there, damn it!
If I may say something ... I think Mathilde is right.
I heard the new tracks and they rock.
It's going to be a good album.
Hey, lcka!
- Hey.
Dr. Paul said you were coming back to us.
Who are they?
Just short-term guests. 
Mostly alcohol.
Hey.
Back again?
Yep.
- Cool.
You alright?
.
- Fucking tablets.
Thatwitch. 
What do you get?
- What tablets?
Blue ones.
- Strong or medium? 
- Strong.
Same as me. 
They finish you off.
Yeah, they're pretty heavy.
Listen, Pete, when do you get to go home?
What?
. 
Home?
To my grandma?
- Yeah.
I don'twant to go.
What's that music?
It's my new album.
"Tits, Techno  Trumpets"
How are you?
Pretty good.
The pills are heavy.
I sleep a lot, but otherwise ...
How's Corinna?
- Good.
We'd like to go on vacation together.
Vacation?
Where?
To Budapest, to visit my mom.
Say hi to your mom.
I will.
Alice says hi.
She loves your new tracks.
So do I, by the way.
And the title?
"Tits, Techno and Trumpets." Great, right?
No?
Alice thinks its alright, butwants something more international.
More international?
"Berlin Calling" is her title.
- "Berlin Calling" ...
"Tits, Techno and Trumpets" is much more wicked.
Alice also wants to do the cover photo here.
Here in the hospital?
- Yes.
Now she's back with all her photo ideas again ... I miss you.
It's betterthis way, lcka.
Believe me.
Alice, isn't this kind of stupid?
And we have to talk about the title.
"Berlin Calling", y'know ...
This will make a great cover and Berlin Calling is a great title.
lcka ... it feels right!
It'll be good.
Ms. Ashcroft, could you please finish up? 
I didn't know itwould take so long. 
- Yes.
Five minute, yes?
You smoke?
- Unfortunately. 
Occasionally.
Martin ... I would say that your healing is progressing well.
But you should still expect more of your schizophrenic episodes.
Probably in stressful situations.
This means I can go?
- Yes.
I have no objections.
I would still ask you to take your tablets regularly and to come here regularly.
- Yes.
Stopping your medication yourself could lead to a relapse.
We will reduce your medication slowly over time.
If you need anything, you can call any time.
Wicked.
The sound is ...
Are you sure you can cope alone?
You look so tired.
It's the tablets.
They block all the highs and lows.
I'll be fine.
"The album functions as a promise of great intensity and as a promise of happiness."
Here: "London Underground Magazine"
"Berlin Electro at its best."
"Knowing lckarus, you might expect an album as out of it as he is, but the opposite is true.
The music creates clear ambiguity, well thought out in every detail."
Do you think you can cope with the PR, the release party and the tour?
Absolutely.
What if you fall asleep on stage?
Don't cancel anything.
I have to get back on stage.
I want to perform.
I can do it. I need an audience to see that my stuff rocks.
I can manage, please!
Don't cancel anything!
Terrific!
You're home!
We're coming from an after hour and your record release party is tonight!
I also wanted to ask about the guest list. 
Record release ...
Can we come in?
I hear your girlfriend moved out.
Are you redecorating?
Where were you all this time, lcka?
Erbse said you were on tour in Asia.
Where did you play?
What kind of shit do you talk?
You gotta test this. lt's excellent.
Where's your bathroom?
Back on the left?
lcka?
Super, lcka!
You're ruining 800 euros!
lcka?
- Stop this shit.
I'll give you the money.
Take care.
Hi.
So early? 
The record release was tonight, wasn't it?
Yeah. ls Mathilde here?
Can I come in?
You on anything?
- No.
Then come in.
Subtitles.
Jeffrey A. McGuire
Film und Video Untertitelung Gerhard Lehmann AG

This is wicked.
This is going on it, too.
So the album is ... done.
I don't know ...
- You don't know?
About the tracks or what?
I've heard all of your new tracks.
I think you can do better.
Your new stuff is so ... random.
Half-baked, you know. 
Just calm down and work on it. 
Concentrate.
Relax.
- Relax, sure.
How can I when I'm playing all the time?
What have you got against my tracks?
You probably didn't even listen to them.
My shit rocks, period.
The new album can be released.
Subscriber present.
- Hi Icka, it's me.
Erbse, how are you?
- Can I come upstairs?
- Come on up.
See you in a sec.
The tax office is sending more payment notices! 
Are they crazy?
We're in the clear. 
We paid everything.
The second half was so boring.
They have to warm up. 
- Warm up?
What are they getting paid for?
- They need to warm up.
That'd be the 15th and 16th.
Yes, sure. 
That's great.
Sorry, I won't be able to make it.
Hey, Mathilde, how are you?
No, it depends on when the new album comes out.
I'll call when I have the dates together. 
Please don't forget about the Moscow gig.
It would fit in perfectly.
Good. 
Bye then.
Yes, Alice. 
I'll talk with him.
I don't want Erbse in our apartment anymore.
Yes, Mommy.
Is that ketamine?
Why are you always taking something?
I'm just relaxing.
Here.
It's an electric saw, Icka.
They're working outside.
And? 
Feeling better?
Back on track.
Dude, what a blast.
I'm gonna party. 
You coming?
One more line?
I've had enough.
I heard you were in Holland?
Open Air Festival?
Yeah, how did you know?
Your website.
Oh, right.
Holland, France ...
I just got back into town.
And? 
Your girlfriend?
She always comes with me. 
You know that.
And you?
I'm alright.
You still doing your apprenticeship?
- Yeah, but it's boring.
Jenny, didn't you want to sing?
- I don't know.
What about your album?
When is it coming out?
My album? 
Soon.
And it is going to be the bomb!
Got any plans? 
Now?
- I have to go.
Important?
- Really important. 
- Seriously?
No ...
- Is there another after hour?
It's my father's birthday.
- Really?
"Work is to man as flight is to birds," said Martin Luther.
Every man is called by God to his profession.
In doing his job, he is helping his neighbors.
Helping one's neighbors includes many other things such as treating the environment with respect.
It is scandalous how dependent we have become on the airplane.
Climate change, global warming are directly due to mankind's behavior.
Mankind faces its greatest challenge ever.
We must change our behavior or we will make our planet uninhabitable for future generations!
Man must understand that he is responsible for his actions!
The work climate is great.
I'd like to stay there.
Depending on how many projects come in, we'll see if I can get a contract.
How many internships have you done?
- Don't answer him,
Stefan.
- He gets one internship after another and they earn all the money.
You study till you're 30, intern till you're 40, then you go onto unemployment. 
Great system.
At least he's trying and he's come a long way.
He finished school, got a degree ...
- All this again?
I've been earning my money since I was 18. 
Is that a problem?
Will it last? 
You look unwell.
- Stop it!
Icka's right. 
I am being used.
To you, Father.
To you two.
Happy birthday, Father.
- Thank you.
No thanks. 
I have to work tonight.
How is your girlfriend, Mathilde?
How is she?
Fine.
And your new album?
Super. 
I gotta get it done now.
I'm almost there. 
Then Mathilde and I are going on vacation.
The south of France or something.
You want the record release party here?
I'll have to block the date.
When do you want?
- I'll have to talk with Alice from the label.
I'll write it in.
It'd be great to do the release here.
- I agree.
Mathilde!
- Corinna! 
- Be right there.
Hey.
Hey.
Have you seen Ickarus?
On stage earlier. 
Not since then.
Have fun looking.
Hey!
If you're looking for me, I'm doing the door, honey.
Have you seen Ickarus?
- Awhile ago.
Give him anything?
I asked you a question.
What is wrong with you? 
Are you nuts?
What did you give him?
- Pills. 
MDMA, no big deal.
You want one, too?
No ...
Give me two.
On the house.
Good stuff, from Benelux.
Start with a quarter.
Supposed to be hefty.
I don't want you giving Ickarus keta, crystal or any hardcore stuff.
No keta, no crystal, are we clear?
- Yes.
Did you find Icka?
No. 
What are you doing after?
Why? 
I'm almost finished.
What is it?
Nothing.
Excuse me. 
Are you a guest here?
And I love your breakfast.
But it is so warm in here.
You feel that?
Heatwave. 
Whoa ...
Man, I'm bleeding ...
I'm bleeding.
Your friend is doing well.
He is in acute care.
We'd like to put him in the open ward, he is lucky, we have a bed free.
If you could bring him some things.
His clothes were full of yoghurt.
We're having them cleaned.
- How long do you think he'll have to stay? 
- We'll have to see if his psychosis is drug induced or if the symptoms persist.
In cases of acute intoxication, insurance will usually pay for between 7 and 21 days here.
Then we'll see how he's doing.
First we need to find out what kind of pill he ran into.
Try testing these pills.
Ickarus probably took one.
Hello, Mr. Karow. 
I'm Alex, the civilian service assistant.
I'll need hair and urine samples from you.
But I guess we can forget the hair.
Man, aren't you DJ Ickarus?
I'm Ickarus.
Oh man!
I was at the Erfurt Open Air last year!
I danced my ass off!
Oh man, so cool, so ...
It was so great, yeah ...
Nice to have you here.
How are you feeling?
- Bad trip yesterday.
What do you mean?
That wasn't normal ecstasy.
That pill was bad. 
Really evil.
I have never sweated like that.
I totally felt the fear.
- Of what?
Of like ... myself.
I kept thinking my heart was going to stop.
I saw my death.
What did your death look like?
I think Death just stopped in to say hi.
And now? 
How are you feeling?
My heart is still racing.
But I feel better.
Let's see what the lab says.
I'm anxious to know what you took.
I would like to emphasize that your stay is voluntary.
If I can't take it, I'll leave.
Right. 
The garden is open during the day but the doors are locked at night.
If you want to leave the hospital, you have to tell me.
Can I have my computer and controller?
- What kind of controller?
A thing with buttons. 
For making music.
For my work.
- Oh. 
Yes, yes.
You're welcome to work here if you don't disturb the others.
Fine.
Then I'll stay till the results are in.
Not a day longer! 
- Good.
Professor Doctor Petra Paul ...
"Drugs, Art and Rebellion."
"Andreas Baader was on speed,
Aldous Huxley on LSD, Rainer Werner Fassbinder on cocaine.
Berlin doctor, Petra Paul assesses her time as a student from a neurological perspective.
You're welcome to read it.
No thanks.
Very funny.
Are you worried about the gigs?
- We can cancel the gigs.
We can go into overdraft.
I am worried about you.
Don't exaggerate.
Take a look around.
The album is what's important.
It'll be super. 
Then a vacation.
Let's wait for the results here and then get outta here.
What are you doing?
- I'm setting something.
Was that chick your girlfriend?
- Yep.
I'll give you a tip.
Watch out for that doctor.
She'll drive you crazy.
I'm taking you to movement therapy.
No way. 
I've got an album to finish.
May I hear some of your music?
It's probably better on the dance floor than in the loony bin.
I find it very dark, almost depressive.
You mean melancholy ...
Want to hear something depressive?
I want you to come to movement therapy now. 
- Nope.
Stop saying no to everything, Mr. Karow.
We breathe in and close our eyes ...
Michael, close your eyes.
Very calmly, try to close your eyes.
You can do it.
Very calm, Michael.
Breathe in and out and close your eyes.
Michael, stay calm.
Think of the black BMW.
Think about the black BMW.
You're not afraid, close your eyes.
And we reach for the stars ...
Stretch, stretch ...
Reach for the stars ...
Exhale and ... inhale and stretch.
Mr. Karow, I know you're not used to it, but you could try to feel your body more.
You are completely tense.
Inhale and stretch.
And reach for the stars. 
And exhale.
Inhale.
Yes, Mr. Karow, that's good.
Michael, you have made progress.
We're going for a walk tomorrow.
We're going outside.
Thank you for your contribution.
Pete, it's your turn.
I told you everything last time.
What am I supposed to say?
We had gotten to where the entire Leipzig police force was after you.
That's not true, but it doesn't matter.
My problem isn't the Leipzig police, it's your fucking pills. 
Without 'em,
I'd be out doing my apprenticeship.
The police aren't the problem.
You're the problem.
- Pete, we've gone over this.
I'm done till you stop giving me pills!
Fine.
And you, Mr. Karow?
Don't you want to sit on your ball?
No way!
Fine.
Man!
Pete, what are you doing?
Man, what are you looking for?
- My USA T-shirt.
What shirt?
- My USA T-shirt!
It's gone!
Pete, you're wearing your USA T-shirt!
Pete, everything's okay.
How is he now?
- He's asleep. 
He took his pills.
What's wrong with him?
Crystal Meth.
Crystal is hardcore.
And him?
He's called Gebhard.
Goa Gebhard. 
It took a year for his parents to find him in India.
He never came off his LSD. 
His friend drowned while they were tripping.
He's never talked since. 
Nothing.
Straight-AA student.
Night, Icka.
- See you tomorrow.
Icka, what's wrong?
Is the TV too loud?
Everything's full of water.
- What?
We have to do something.
Here?
Jamal, what's going on? 
You alright?
Water everywhere.
- Wait, I'm coming. 
- Water all over ...
Turn it off.
Turn the water off.
Here ... 
Open your hand.
Yes ...
You've got everything on the market in your bloodstream: 
THC, ketamine, MDMA, MDA, amphetamines, cocaine ...
Everything except heroin.
Your cocaine levels are extremely high, Mr. Karow.
The pill's results are also very disturbing.
Instead of MDMA, the pill contained 100 mg of MDA.
And what upsets me the most is the 40 mg of highly toxic PMA in the pill.
PMA is a strong hallucinogen and causes a large increase in blood pressure and body temperature.
The substance PMA has also been known to cause death.
Mr. Karow ...
You are free to leave any time, but I strongly recommend ... you take some time off.
Under our supervision.
We're stopping the promo and the album goes on ice.
You can't do that.
- Mathilde, I already stopped the promo and pushed up another production.
When Ickarus finds out he will totally freak out!
Icka has to learn to drink water.
Are you worried about your job?
You could help me manage Mike or Patricia.
They're easier to handle than Ickarus.
This is not about me, Alice.
And I am not interested in managing another DJ.
Let's wait two weeks ...
- No. 
When Ickarus is back to normal, we'll talk about the album.
So we've cancelled Ickarus' record release party and move this.
- Do you have a job for me?
I mean, just for a while.
- Door or bar?
Door.
Door with Corinna like the old days.
Want one?
Icka always had everything under control.
What was that pill that nailed him?
The pill was a bastard.
The doctor said it had PMA in it. 
- PMA?
What is that?
- It is some bad, bad shit.
Where'd he get it?
Here?
I can't allow that.
I don't want bad pills in my club.
Who is selling them?
Erbse!
Hey, Pete, it's no fun this way.
Man, Pete, play right!
Don't just smash it all the time!
I'm tired of this.
Alex, I need to go out for a while.
They're driving me crazy.
Can you tell the doorman?
Did you talk with Dr. Paul?
- She's not here.
This is an open ward, not a prison, right?
It's better if Dr. Paul knows.
- But she's not here! 
How can she?
Come on. 
I want some cigarettes.
Gotta lose these crazies for a while.
Yes ... but not for long.
Come right back, okay, Icka?
10 minutes!
Erbse!
Hey. 
- Hey. 
Sorry about that pill.
I didn't know they were so bad.
You have to choose one of three jobs.
I have to collect the empties in a liquor store. 
I stand around and have to take the bottles out of the machine ...
The other day, some guy had the wrong bottles, the machine was beeping ...
I told him through the slot,
"We don't take them! 
They're not ours!"
He flipped out, starting throwing bottles.
10 minutes later the police came.
I only just got my 'stuff' hidden.
Why do you do that job?
I have to do it to get my welfare money.
But it's cool,
I even get my 'stuff' delivered there.
Nobody notices. 
But I'm quitting.
I've got a buddy who is getting me a real job. 
- What?
He works in insurance, pension plans, car insurance, life insurance ...
Might be good for me.
I know lots of people.
I know how to sell ...
Subscriber present.
Alex? 
To the hospital? 
Now?
No way. 
I'm in a meeting ...
The album ... 
Ciao.
Idiot ...
Do it, it sounds good.
Hey, Icka!
Jenny! 
You here, too?
I just got here.
Where've you been all the time?
London, Brussels ...
Just got back. 
And you?
I'm alright.
How is it? 
You got any party powder?
Party?
- Yeah. 
- I'm up for it.
And your girlfriend?
- No idea.
I see. 
Well then ...
Got it?
Another line?
- No.
I'll have one for myself.
Oh God ...
Did you see the Japan mix?
2002?
Look at me.
Fuck off, Icka.
- I need that recording!
Hello? 
I just told you to fuck off.
I am so sick of your ego trip.
- Do I tell you what to do all the time?
Do I say anything about Conny? 
No.
You can fuck who you want. 
I don't care.
But I have a problem if you act like you're a saint and order me around.
It's annoying.
I'll be off then.
The new album is going to be so massive.
Really great stuff.
We have to talk.
Alice stopped the album. 
Pushed it back.
Stopped the album? 
Pushed it back?
Tell me it's not true!
Tell me it's not true!
Calm down. 
She wants you back to normal.
- Normal? 
I'll smack that fucking cunt!
Then she'll know what "normal" is!
- Stay and sleep it off first!
Why did you cancel my album?
Why?
You think you can treat me like this?
Just say it if you want to fire me!
Don't I fit your "concept" anymore?
Mr. Karow!
Mr. Karow, you have to sign out with me to leave the hospital.
Alexander, get him please.
Come on, it was on your watch.
Icka, open up!
It rocks! 
Or is dancing prohibited?
Icka, please open up.
Alex, this is the new album.
Hear how it rocks?
You can start now.
Alex, what is this?
A pay rise?
Dr. Paul says it would be better, if it's okay with you.
Our dear doctor could have told me.
- Nice one before, Icka.
The yellow ones are light anyway.
- Welcome to the club.
Good morning.
Morning.
I wanted to ask if I can go into the city.
I gotta talk with my girlfriend.
I made a mistake that I have to patch up.
- No.
You either stay and participate or you can leave for good.
It's important. 
I have to apologize.
Pack your things and leave then.
But coming and going all the time makes no sense.
Very funny.
You're a real hippy bitch!
Liberal on the outside, but reactionary when it counts! 
Ho, Ho, Ho Chi Minh!
Mathilde!
It's me!
Hey there!
Tax Department
Hey, how are you?
Um ... is Mathilde there?
I gotta talk to her.
- I don't think she wants to see you.
I wanted to apologize for being stupid.
She also has to see this letter.
They want 25,000 euros in back-taxes.
Where can I get the money?
What am I supposed to tell them?
Wait here. 
I'll ask.
Mathilde says the '99 to '03 taxes were before her time. 
Not her business.
And she doesn't want to see you.
Hey, what is this shit?
I want to see Mathilde!
Pull yourself together and grow up, you loser.
Good that you're here, Icka.
Find yourself a new label.
Actually, I came to apologize and ask for an advance, 'cause of the tax department.
I'm not loaning you any more money.
And I'm not listening to anything else.
Man ...
You know I get strange when I'm working on a new album, but I don't mean it.
No, Icka. 
I've had enough.
Your music wasn't bad, but you never got your head together.
I made your label what it is!
I've been in the biz longer than you.
You think too much of yourself.
And that is exactly your problem.
Good luck.
Erbse!
- Hey! 
Icka, come in!
Alex! 
How's it hanging, dude?
- Hey, Icka. 
How's it going?
The new album will be great!
Harvest time! 
- Icka ...
Hey, Pete. 
Where's my computer?
And my case?
The witch took everything.
Where is my computer?
- Mr. Karow, we can talk tomorrow ...
I was just going.
- Where's my computer? 
- That music is confusing you. 
- Don't judge music you have no idea about!
Give me my computer now or I'll put on a show like you've never seen!
Now I'm curious.
Leave tomorrow!
Then you'll get your computer! 
Out!
Good evening.
We have some gentlemen here and we need a bit of female company.
Not all the way. 
Just some fondling.
Not too young, not too old.
Make sure they have big tits.
...A pleasant atmosphere.
Let's have a farewell party.
No ... 
I don't think so.
- What?
Dr. Paul throws me out and you won't let me have a farewell?
You're denying me a party?
No, but ...
Alex, your turn.
Guys? 
How about a farewell party?
What's up? 
Dr. Paul threw me out and you're not giving me a farewell party?
Say something.
Goa Gebhard, say something! 
Just once!
Franz!
Michael, we're buddies, right?
Pete, do we let the witch win?
- No we shouldn't. 
-Alex ...
It's unanimous. 
Give me the keys.
Why do you need the keys?
- Beer, cigarettes ...
Farewell party!
A farewell beer with Icka! 
I'm in!
I've been thrown out anyway.
I can come and go as I like.
Right!
No, Icka. really.
- Come on!
Alex, come on!
Give him the keys! 
Come on!
Alex!
- Alex ...
Alex ...
Party ... 
Alex ...
Guys, keep cool.
Alex ... 
Party ...
But don't overdo it, okay, Icka?
Four beers, no more.
Hey, hi. 
You got the money?
Yeah. 300, right?
300. 
Right.
Don't worry about the guys, they're a little weird, but ... they're basically sweet.
Haven't seen many women lately.
You work here? 
- Yes.
- How long? 
- Three years.
I did my training here and stayed on.
Y'know what else I got?
- What? 
- Psychic pick-me-ups. 
Wicked.
You want some?
- Yes. 
- Gimme one.
Hello!
Where is my computer?
Where is my computer?
I want my computer back!
Give it to me!
My computer!
How can you put a 19-year-old civilian service assistant in charge of the night shift! 
Alone!
This is also your fault, Dr. Paul.
Of course it is bad putting the service assistant in charge, but that's not my fault.
I've been saying it for years.
I want Ickarus released immediately!
This place is making him even crazier.
I am calling a taxi now, and taking Ickarus with me.
I'm sorry, I cannot allow that.
His schizophrenic episodes are unpredictable. 
He is dangerous.
I cannot be responsible for his release at this time.
Responsible for what?
I thought he was here voluntarily!
You are a liar, Dr. Paul!
To you, Icka is just a poster child for your stupid study about long-term, drug-mix consumption so that you can hit the big-time!
Ickarus is an artist!
He's not a normal patient!
If you won't let him go, I will call a lawyer.
Ms. Maier-Telkes, when a patient is at high risk of suicide or a potential danger to others, I am not allowed to release them.
If you want to take me to court, it is also my duty to tell you how to do so.
Martin was 13, Stefan 18, when their mother died.
Just as the Berlin Wall fell.
Everything changed for them from one day to the next.
Stefan became withdrawn and Martin was suddenly DJ Ickarus,
he dropped out of school ...
He spent almost his entire puberty in clubs.
I was ...
Raising them both is probably still too much for me even now.
Stefan is growing up, but Martin ...
Anyone who only thinks of himself will always be lonely.
I mean, I don't demand that he believe in God, but he should believe in something!
Mr. Karow, I believe your son is a highly sensitive person and he actually has very strong faith in something.
He believes in his music.
Honestly, I also underestimated it.
I wanted to pay my debts.
Hey, forget it.
- No. 
Take it, for me.
I'm moving to Ireland.
Why there?
I got a full-time job there.
And a girlfriend.
Really?
That's totally awesome.
My head feels so fuzzy.
I sleep all day, don't feel like doing anything.
Your tablets are pretty wicked.
They're like that at first.
I'll check your dosage.
Do you believe in reincarnation?
Reincarnation? 
Why?
I was imagining, I ...
That if I died now ... or if I were already dead, then I could be reborn here as a fly ... as a mayfly.
It's a great idea.
I mean, every day a new life.
Do you know about Buddhism?
- No.
Nothing at all.
Go to the hospital! 
Have a look!
Go there, damn it!
If I may say something ...
I think Mathilde is right.
I heard the new tracks and they rock.
It's going to be a good album.
Hey, Icka!
- Hey.
Dr. Paul said you were coming back to us.
Who are they?
Just short-term guests. 
Mostly alcohol.
Hey.
Back again?
Yep.
- Cool.
You alright?
- Fucking tablets.
That witch. 
What do you get?
- What tablets?
Blue ones.
- Strong or medium? 
- Strong.
Same as me. 
They finish you off.
Yeah, they're pretty heavy.
Listen, Pete, when do you get to go home?
What? 
Home?
To my grandma?
- Yeah.
I don't want to go.
What's that music?
It's my new album.
"Tits, Techno  Trumpets"
How are you?
Pretty good.
The pills are heavy.
I sleep a lot, but otherwise ...
How's Corinna?
- Good.
We'd like to go on vacation together.
Vacation?
Where?
To Budapest, to visit my mom.
Say hi to your mom.
I will.
Alice says hi.
She loves your new tracks.
So do I, by the way.
And the title?
"Tits, Techno and Trumpets." Great, right?
No?
Alice thinks its alright, but wants something more international.
More international?
"Berlin Calling" is her title.
- "Berlin Calling" ...
"Tits, Techno and Trumpets" is much more wicked.
Alice also wants to do the cover photo here.
Here in the hospital?
- Yes.
Now she's back with all her photo ideas again ...
I miss you.
It's better this way, Icka.
Believe me.
Alice, isn't this kind of stupid?
And we have to talk about the title.
"Berlin Calling", y'know ...
This will make a great cover and Berlin Calling is a great title.
Icka ... it feels right!
It'll be good.
Ms. Ashcroft, could you please finish up? 
I didn't know it would take so long. 
- Yes.
Five minute, yes?
You smoke?
- Unfortunately. 
Occasionally.
Martin ...
I would say that your healing is progressing well.
But you should still expect more of your schizophrenic episodes.
Probably in stressful situations.
This means I can go?
- Yes.
I have no objections.
I would still ask you to take your tablets regularly and to come here regularly.
- Yes.
Stopping your medication yourself could lead to a relapse.
We will reduce your medication slowly over time.
If you need anything, you can call any time.
Wicked.
The sound is ...
Are you sure you can cope alone?
You look so tired.
It's the tablets.
They block all the highs and lows.
I'll be fine.
"The album functions as a promise of great intensity and as a promise of happiness."
Here: "London Underground Magazine"
"Berlin Electro at its best."
"Knowing Ickarus, you might expect an album as out of it as he is, but the opposite is true.
The music creates clear ambiguity, well thought out in every detail."
Do you think you can cope with the PR, the release party and the tour?
Absolutely.
What if you fall asleep on stage?
Don't cancel anything.
I have to get back on stage.
I want to perform.
I can do it. 
I need an audience to see that my stuff rocks.
I can manage, please!
Don't cancel anything!
Terrific!
You're home!
We're coming from an after hour and your record release party is tonight!
I also wanted to ask about the guest list. 
Record release ...
Can we come in?
I hear your girlfriend moved out.
Are you redecorating?
Where were you all this time, Icka?
Erbse said you were on tour in Asia.
Where did you play?
What kind of shit do you talk?
You gotta test this. 
It's excellent.
Where's your bathroom?
Back on the left?
Icka?
Super, Icka!
You're ruining 800 euros!
Icka?
- Stop this shit.
I'll give you the money.
Take care.
Hi.
So early? 
The record release was tonight, wasn't it?
Yeah. 
Is Mathilde here?
Can I come in?
You on anything?
- No.
Then come in.

Why, the album canceled and delayed?
Say it is not true.
Hey, say that this is not true.
Calm down, Alice just want to wait everything back to normal.
Normal? 
I turn it on its beak, that bitched, then they know what is normal.
Stay here and ga but agree to sleep.
I got this from my own pocket ...
- Did you bitched, canceled my album?
I can not ...
- Why?
Hold me for a ride or something?
- No, I ...
Listen to me.
And how about my concert?
Mr. Karo?
Mr. Karo, you must sign out with me, if you leave the clinic.
Here we go again.
This must stop.
Icka do open.
- I have unfortunately the crank bent.
Put the music is from.
- Alex, this is my new album.
We can begin.
Alex, what is that?
A salary increase or something?
Mrs. Paul was that I had to give you, secured, if you are in agreement.
That was that dear mrs. 
Paul, also some may say.
Beautiful indeed Icka action.
That yellow is the lightest.
Welcome to the club.
Good morning.
I wanted to ask or should I go to the city.
I must talk with my girlfriend.
I have an error recovery.
No, if you stay here and you can participate, or you can go.
It is really important, I must apologize.
You can stuff your address and completely leave.
But always, in and out, has no meaning.
Funny though.
You are really from the year 68, hc?
Liberal, but actually reactionary.
Ho Ho, Ho Chi Minh.
Mathilde, I am, hello.
TAX
Mathilde is here?
I need her urgently speak.
I do not believe that they want to see you.
Yes, I wish I also apologize, but I got this letter.
They want 25000 euro tax payment.
Where should I get that money?
What should I tell them?
Wacht hier, ik vraag even.Wait here, I demand a second.
Mathilde says that the tax from 99 to 03, of its time, this is her business.
And she wants you too see.
What is there now on?
I want to see her.
Come on and finally become mature, Janus weak.
Good to see you Icka.
You can search for a new life.
- I wanted to apologize.
Can I get an advance, for the tax.
No, I do not loan money and I also listen to any more.
Man, I was not myself, because of that album.
How do we go from here?
- No, I've had enough.
Your music was not bad, but in your head was it not good.
Hey, I've created your label size.
- I'm already doing, you visualizes you too.
And that is exactly your problem.
Good luck.
Erbse?
Alex. 
And, everything okay?
- Icka Hey, how's it.
I love the album is super. 
Bedtime.
- Hey Icka ...
Pete, where's my computer?
And my suitcase?
- That the doctor included.
Where is my computer?
- Mr. Karo, we talk more tomorrow.
Watblieft?
Where is my computer.
This music confuses you, gets you there in the war.
Say nothing about music, where you no sense of it.
You give me my computer back swings or something.
I am very curious.
You leave the hospital tomorrow and then you get your computer and now go, I can not see, Go.
Today, we have a men's night tonight and we have a couple ladies needed.
Yes, a little Friemel.
Not too young, not old.
The most important are large breasts.
Nice atmosphere.
I give a farewell party.
No, I do not know.
- What?
Mrs. Paul throw me out and you give me no farewell party?
Would you like me say?
You denied me my farewell party, hc?
Alex, you are.
Guys, want a farewell party?
What is this, Mrs.. 
Paul flings me out and I do not even have a farewell party?
Say something anyway.
Come Gebhard, tell you something.
Franz?
Mischi, we understand each other right?
Pete, should we take that witch?
- No.
So Alex, unanimously decided enter key.
Where did you get the key for?
- For beer, cigarettes, petrol station. 
Farewell Party.
That's still a good idea, a farewell feast of Icka, then you can join.
JYes, and besides, I am yet been measured, I can come and go when I want.
Exactly.
He Icka really not.
- Come.
Alex come, give him the key, come on.
He Icka not overdo it, okay?
Four beer, nothing more.
Hey hi. 
Have you money?
- Yes, 300 hc?
Yes, come on in ladies, the boys do a little strange, but ... are actually very nice.
They have seen no woman.
And you work here?
Long?
About three years already, I did my training here. 
And since that time I work here.
There is nobody more.
Drink?
I mean how can you allow that a 19-year service recusant here at night alone, fully responsible.
You are just as guilty, Ms.. 
Paul.
Of course it is very, someone that civil duties night alone is responsible.
But that's not my fault, I say this for many years.
I want Ickarus immediately dismissed.
Here he is just crazier.
I call a taxi and take them directly Ickarus.
I can not allow I'm sorry.
The schizophrenic state of Mr. Karo is unpredictable, he is a danger to themselves and others.
dismissal at this time I can not justify.
Why?
I thought Ickarus here voluntarily Saturday
You are a liar mrs. 
Paul.
Before you Icka is only a proof your ridiculous research.
On consumption and its consequences of drugs in the longer term, so you can make a name.
Ickarus is an artist, you can set it not treated as a normal patient.
If you do not let go I link a lawyer.
Listen, if I in one patient a suicide risk or risks to others down,
I can not even dismiss him.
If you want to take legal action, I will explain how to do it, that's also my duty.
Martin was 13 and Stefan 18 when their mother died.
At almost the same time, the wall fell.
So from one day to another, for them everything else.
Stefan withdrew.
And Martin said suddenly, DJ Ickarus.
He spent almost his entire puberty by in a discotheque.
I was ... their education is likely still far too much for me.
Stefan is developing quite well, but Martin ...
Anyone who only thinks to himself, will always be lonely.
I mean, I wish not that he believes in God.
But he must still believe in something.
- Mr. Karo, I ... think that your son Martin, a very sensitive man.
And he believes very strongly in something, he believes in his music.
I honestly also underestimated.
I wanted you to pay my debts.
No, never mind.
- I have the money required.
I move to Ireland.
What should you say?
- I have found a permanent job.
And a girlfriend.
- You must be busy?
Super man.
I feel so week in my head.
I sleep all day and I have no meaning in.
Your tablets are quite intense.
- This is the first time so.
I will check your dose.
Do you believe in reïncarnatie?
Reïncarnatie? 
Why?
I can imagine that I ...
484 01:18:32,550 -- 01:18:34,400 now would die ... or that I had died and then I could here ... as a flight ... as ephemera reïncarneren.
This is a super idea.
Every day a new life.
Do you know about Buddhism?
Absolutely nothing.
Ga it to the clinic.
Go look it himself.
Drive her to it, damn it.
If I may say, I believe that Mathilde right
I have also heard the new songs and they rock.
This is certainly a good album.
Hey, Icka.
Mrs. Paul told al, you came back to us.
And who are they?
They are here only briefly.
Alcohol.
And, you back.
Everything okay with you?
Shit Tablets, that old witch.
What gives you?
- What tablets?
The blue.
- Strong or average.
Strong.
- The same as I do.
They make you broke.
- Yes, they are quite intense.
Say, Pete, ga when you go home again?
Why go home?
In my grandmother?
I will not.
What is that music?
- This is the new album.
Tits, TECHNO  TROMPET
How are you?
Pretty cool.
These pills are violently.
I sleep a lot, but ...
What's new with Corinna.
- Good. 
We might go on holiday together.
On vacation? 
Where?
- In Budapest, at my mother.
Put her greetings, your mother.
- I do.
Alice makes your greetings, she is away from your song and I also.
And the title?
Tits, techno and trumpets, is still cool?
Alice, the title is not bad, but I think they want something more international.
Why, something more international?
'Berlin Calling', is, I believe its title.
- 'Berlin Calling'.
No, boobs, techno and trumpets, is much cooler.
Alice would always that the picture for the cover here make.
Here in the clinic?
They again with her picture ideas, HC?
I miss you.
It is better as it is, Icka.
Believe me.
Say Alice, you do not find a bit ridiculous?
And about the title, we must also talk.
'Berlin Calling', really ...
This is a really good cover.
And "Berlin Calling" is a really good title.
Icka, this is something this is good.
Can you stop?
I knew not that this would last so long.
Five minutes.
You smoke?
- Unfortunately, yes, sometimes.
Martin, I treasure your recovery process as very good.
I must tell you however, you can come back schizophrenia.
Possibly, in stress situations.
Does that mean I can go?
I have nothing against it.
Ik wil je wel vragen, om regelmatig je tabletten te nemen.
And regularly along it.
Self stopping the tablets, can lead to a relapse.
We will give you medication, gradually decrease.
If there is something, you can always call.
Super ... that noise is ...
And you know, you just saved?
You seems so dull.
These are the tablets, which faces the peaks and troughs off.
I save me.
At the same time from this album a promise of great intensity, the promise of happiness.
And here, London Underground Magazine, Berlin Electro, at its best.
From the Ickarus from the nightlife, you would not expect such an album.
Instead, the music gives a clear ambiguity, in detail thought out.
You think you save with that promo and releaseparty and then the tour?
And the holiday.
Imagine, in the activities that you fall asleep.
Nothing to cancel.
No, I must act.
I want to play ...
I red it. 
I have public need I get the feeling again.
I red it.
Nothing to cancel.
Lovely, you're home.
We are just of After Hour and you have tonight is your album release?
And I wanted to ask the guest.
Album Release. 
Shall we come in?
I've heard that your friend is gone?
Point your thing again?
Where were you so long, Icka?
Erbse said that you was on tour, where have you all been?
- What a mess.
You have to try, this is great.
Where is the john again?
Behind hc?
Super Icka.
You just destroys 800 euro.
Leave that nonsense.
That money, I'll give you back but stay calm here.
Hello, what are you asked the release is only tonight?
Mathilde is here?
Can I come?
Do what you used?
Come on down.
SubSync Jopie123
Subtitle fix tweaki
This is super.
This is also.
Actually the album is now ready.
I do not know.
- Why not.
4 00:05:27,918 -- 00:05:29,266 Would you nothing, or something.
I've listened to all new songs, Take your time.
I believe there is more.
Your new songs are all so lovely.
Half-baked.
Daal once and get it all to rest, focus.
Relax.
- Relax. 
Hoe dan? 
Ik speel toch constant.
I do not know what my numbers are.
You have not even listened to them.
My stuff rocks to the end.
The new album comes out.
Subscriber is present.
- Hey Icka, Erbse.
Erbse, how is it?
- Can I come up?
Yes, come on.
Yes, but send me a tax notice, which are not good in their head.
We are at zero.
Everything is paid.
The weekend of the 15th and the 16th ...
Yes, of course.
No, the 14th, 15th and 16th, I am not.
- Mathilde Hey, hello.
That depends when the new album appears.
Okay, I call you when I have finished the planning and do not forget you, that application from Moscow to deal which fits in well.
Well, goodbye then.
Yes Alice, I talk to him.
I would not, he at home appears.
Is that ketamine?
Do you ever swallow something?
I relax just yet.
Here.
This is a chainsaw Icka, they create something.
And? 
Is the weather.
I'm ready to go again, what a feeling.
Hey, I ga still partying.
Ga je mee?
Another line?
- No, I have enough.
You were in Erfuhrt, HC?
An open air concert.
How do you know?
- That was on your site.
Yes, it was fun, I'm just back.
And? 
Your girlfriend?
- You know how life is, and you?
It is.
- Is it a training or something?
Yes, but bored.
He would not ever going to sing?
- No idea.
How is your album?
Where is he from?
Album? 
I do not know.
That depends.
What do you do?
- Works.
Major.
- Very important.
I would not.
- Come on.
Hold me for a ride?
- No, my father's birthday.
Work is in humans, such as flying by the birds, says Martin Luther.
Everyone who works is created by God.
Through his work, suggests he was in service of his neighbor.
The service to your neighbor, is also very different things.
For example, the prudent use with the environment.
It is a scandal that modern humans so depending on the aircraft.
Climate change, global warming, we have on the human behavior to thank.
Humanity represents the biggest challenge ever.
We must change our behavior, otherwise we destroy our environment on earth for future generations.
People must understand that he is responsible for his behavior.
The working atmosphere is fine.
And I would like to continue.
The agency has great projects and the amount of work they should give me a contract.
- Hello,how many traineeship this now?
I would not even answer Stefan.
- They let you placements, and they deserve there.
That is true.
You study at your thirtieth and runs an internship at your fortieth and then?
Then you are too old and you get an allowance. 
A super system.
But at least he tries and he is already far.3
He has a diploma and graduate.
- What will this now?
Since I earn my eighteenth my own money.
Has anyone a problem?
I wonder how long that goes well, you look unhealthy from.
Stop.
Icka has it right, you will be abused.
To you dad.
- On you.
Happy birthday Dad.
- Thank you.
No thanks, I have to work tonight.
How are you girlfriend Mathilde?
Not much.
And your new album?
- This is super.
It is very exciting.
I sit there on top.
Then I go on vacation with Mathilde.
Back to the South of France or something.
If you release the album here?
Then I schedule.
Where do you want now?
I have with Alice of the record talk.
Well, I write on, theoretically, that he is.
I would love it, to the album here from them.
Me too.
Have you seen Ickarus somewhere?
First, but then no more.
Then search but also beautiful.
Hey, if you are looking for me, I'm at the door honey.
Have you seen Ickarus?
- It just does, briefly.
Have you given him what?
I asked you what.
What is wrong with you?
What have you given him?
- Just what, nothing violent, would you?
Enter now.
That you get from me, good stuff.
Take but one quarter, it seems to be fierce.
Make sure no Ickarus ketamine, crystal, or get something, okay?
None keta and no Crys, do you understand me?
Icka And have you found?
What do you do next?
- Why? 
I'm almost Friday
What is it?
Nothing.
Excuse me.
Have you visited us?
I must say, I think your pretty good breakfast.
But it is so hot with you Notes you do not, that heat?
Man, I blood.
Yes, I blood.
It is so far good with your knowledge.
He is on the emergency and then he goes to the open section, he is lucky that is.
It would be nice if you give them clean clothes and stuff to wash would bring.
His clothes were full of yoghurt and to put our laundry.
How long do you think that he should continue?
We must first determine or psychosis by drugs is and reduces or psychotic symptoms that remain.
De verzekering betaalt zeven dagen opname and severe cases 21 days and then we see it more.
We must first agree out, what pill has swallowed your knowledge.
Maybe you can even test pills.
If one has Ickarus probably swallowed.
I'm Alex, I do civil service and I would like hair and a urine sample.
With that hair, we may forget, HC?
Are you not the DJ Ickarus.
Yes, I am Ickarus.
I was last year when you open air, in Erfuhrt. 
Dancing and stuff.
Nice to see you.
How are you?
- That was intense yesterday.
129 00:26:07,250 -- 00:26:09,100 What do you think?
That was no normal extacy.
Those were bad pills.
Very bad stuff.
I've never been boasting.
I was occasionally so scared.
- What?
For myself.
I thought my heart would still stand.
My death I have seen.
And what was that like?
The death was only briefly and said goodbye.
And now? 
How are you now?
- I have palpitations.
Also good.
In a few days as we have research, we look further.
I'm curious what kind of pill you swallowed it.
I want to emphasize, that your stay here is voluntary.
If I no longer stamina, then I just, HC?
Exactly daytime you can garden, but at night everything is closed
And if you want to leave the area, you should apply to me.
Can I leave my PC and controller get?
- What kind of controller?
For the PC, such a thing with buttons for making music, to work.
Yes of course you can work here, if you do not disturb others.
Okay.
Then am I the results are that I can do.
Well.
Prof.. 
Dr. Petra Paul.
Drugs, art and rebellion.
Andreas Baader increased speed,Aldous Huxley, LSD,Rainer Werner Fasbinder cocaïne.
The Berlin physician, Petra Paul, describes from a neurological scientific position her student days.
- You must read the book if you want.
No, thank you
Very funny.
Are you worried because of the performances?
- That we can cancel.
Then we are back in the disco.
I'm worried about you.
- Come, now, do not exaggerate
Check it once in the roundabout.
At this moment the most important album.
And that is super.
And then we go on vacation, right?
We await the results from and then that we get out.
What are you doing there?
- I am what the setting.
Aunt who was just your friend?
I will give you a tip.
Beware of this doctor, that makes you break.
I would pick for the movement therapy.
- No, I have to finish the album
Can I hear your music?
This is probably more something for the dance floor I act in clubs.
I think it is rather dark, almost depressed.
Earlier melancholy, you want to hear something depressing?
I really wish now that you come to the motion and call therapy.
Say it is not always no, sir Karo.
We breathe in and close the eyes.
Michael, close your eyes.
Calm down, try to close your eyes.
You can do it.
Relax, Michael.
Very quiet breathing and eyes closed.
Michael quietly, thinking of the black BMW.
Think of the black BMW.
You're not afraid and you close your eyes.
And we grasp at the stars, straightening, to grasp the stars.
Exhale.
Breathing and stretching.
Mr. Karo, I know, that these exercises unknown to you, but perhaps you will, a new relationship with your body building.
You are terribly strained.
Breathing and stretching and to seize the stars and exhale.
Breathing, yes sir Karo, which is nice.
Michael, you are very advanced.
We go tomorrow for a walk together, we go out.
Thank you for your contribution.
Well Pete, now you.
I have told everything last anyway, what should I say more?
We were at the point where the entire police from behind you aanzat Leipzig.
That is nonsense and does not matter.
My problem is not the police of Leipzig, Your stupid tablets.
Without your tablets stupid I was gone and I would finish my education.
The problem is not the police of Leipzig, you are the problem.
We have already discussed Pete.
- I say nothing more until I get tablets.
Okay.
And you sir Karo, you do not want to sit on the ball?
I can not.
- Good.
Pete, what are you doing?
What are you looking for?
- I am looking for my USA T-shirt.
What shirt?
- My USA T-shirt. 
It is gone.
Pete, you got your shirt USA.
Pete, that does nothing.
And, how is he?
- Better.
He sleeps now he got his tablets.
What has he really?
Crystal problems.
Crystal is hardcore.
And he?
This is Gebhard, Goa Gebhard.
His parents looked at him for years in India, until they found him and when he stuck to the LSD.
His friend drowned during a trip into the sea.
Since then he talks no more, no word.
Very special.
Sweet dreams Icka.
- See you tomorrow.
Icka, what is it?
Is the TV too loud?
Everything is under water.
- What?
Jamal, what is there, all right?
Keep your hand once again.
We have everything you found, what's on the market to get.
THC, ketamine, MDMA, MDA, amphetamine, cocaïne.
Actually everything except heroïne.
Your cocaïnewaardes are extremely high, Mr. Karo.
And the results of the study pills are also worrying.
Instead of MDMA, the pill contained 100 mg. 
MDA.
And what worries me the most, the 40 mg. highly toxic PMA in the pill.
PMA is a strong hallucinogenic means and causes an increase in blood pressure and body temperature.
PMA, can kill.
Mr. Karo, you can go where you want, but I urge you to a rest.
Under our supervision.
We stop at least the promotion and put the album in the refrigerator.
No, you can not do.
- Mathilde, I have the promo already put stop.
And another production forward.
What? 
If Ickarus that is, he is full.
Icka must learn to drink water.
Are you worried about your job?
You can help me to Mike, or Patricia manage.
That is not as tiring as Ickarus.
This is not about me Alice.
And I have absolutely no meaning, another DJ to manage.
Maybe we should the next two weeks just wait.
Mathilde No, it's already decided.
If Ickarus returns to normal, we talk about the album.
Not before.
So the album release of Ickarus is canceled, postponed.
Got a job for me?
For temporary.
Outside the door, or behind the bar?
- The door.
The door with Corinna, as before.
Do you have money?
Icka got everything in power.
What was it for a pill?
That pill was Crys, with PMA, according to the doctor.
PMA? 
What is that.
- That must be very common stuff.
And how he came to it?
From here?
I can not allow.
I have no bad pills in my club.
Who sells something here?
Erbse?
No Pete, it is nothing.
Man Pete, play it again normal and not always smash.
I do not want more.
Hey Alex, I must away, I is still crazy
Please log in as the doorman?
- Do you think with Mrs. Paul discussed?
Ms. Paul is not there.
I sit in the open division
Yes, but it is better if Mrs. Paul knows.
- How should it, if it is not there?
Come on, I want to get cigarettes, even away from the crazies here.
Yes, but get back, okay Icka?
Ten minutes.
Hey, sorry for the pill, I never knew who was poor.
You should now be of the three offered jobs, one take.
I think they sent a liquor store, I need to take the empty bottles.
I am there, and the bottles, from a box, in crates do with a nice apron for.
Last came a fool, with bottles that do not fit beeps and then that machine is always the case.
And then I say, from behind the machine, who are not from here, which should take you back.
The guy running total by and throw the bottles in the round.
Ten minutes later, the cleaning, just before I had my stuff packed away.
Why do you do it?
- It is quiet, no one tells me.
I can just take my stuff, nobody checking.
I will soon stop them.
I have a friend, which gives me a real job.
- What then?
He is seeking he sells pensions auto and life insurance, and such.
That would be like me.
I know many people, I can sell.
Subscriber present.
Alex? 
Back to the clinic? 
Certainly not.
I'm in a heated meeting, because of the album and so, bye.
What has he.
What do you do, tell more.
Daytime,
You can find me on your side
I try my best to do and try things to do
when it all wrong there are no errors except mine
but it is not hard to because you let me shine and we build castles, in the air and the sand
we design our own world, that nobody understands.
I find myself alive in the palm of your hand as long as we fly this world has no end this world has no end.
He Icka.
- Jenny, you are also, HC?
Yes, I'm just there.
How you doing? 
And where were you while?
London, Brussels, Breslau and you?
- Yes, it does so.
And are you ready to party?
- Festivals, so good.
And beyond.
- No idea.
If it?
Would you like her even one?
Say, you know where that recording is Japan?
From 2002?
Look at me.
Disappearing Icka.
- I must first find that record.
Hello? 
I said you had to disappear.
Man, I vomit on your egotrip.
I always say to you, what you should and should not do?
Pull me something of that woman?
No, you can do with who you want.
But I have a problem with that, when you constantly play the holy and I want to read the lesson.
That works on my nerves.
I just go.
And?
This new album is super.
Beautiful hc?
We need to talk.
Alice has canceled the album and wants to postpone.

Back to you is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
and that's the reason the Nittany Lions are undefeated in the last four.
And that's it for sports.
So hang up the cleats, wring out your jog bra, and tell mother to put on the kettle.
Thank you, Marsh.
And finally tonight, we bid a fond farewell to our dear friend
Larry Schultz, who's been our floor director here for the last 22 years.
Schwartz. 
He's a cameraman.
my apologies. 
That's Larry Schwartz and he's a cameraman.
We're certainly gonna miss seeing your smiling face here every day.
Every other day.
Well, that's it for us at 6:00. thanks for watching.
- We'll see you at 10:00.
- Good night.
And we're clear!
- That was embarrassing. 
Say something nice to Larry.
- you're right, you're right.
Larry, i'm so sorry. 
I just got mixed-up because I know you by your nickname.
You know I love you, Ass Crack. come on.
Good luck.
Marsh, what was all that stuff about jog bras and kettles?
I need a new sign-off, figured I'd just try one off the top of my head.
Okay, you can't just work these things out while you're on the air.
All right. 
Anything else?
- No, that's it.
- all right
Then stick a sock on the doorknob, Daddy needs a hairbrush, don't kick the cat on your way out.
- Work for you?
- not for much longer.
Hey, Gary, great interview with the senator.
- Oh, thanks, thanks.
- yeah, good job.
- You guys still going to Josie's for steaks?
- yeah.
we're, you arn't. 
I need you to go down to the convention center.
why? 
What's at...? 
oh, no, no. 
Not Anthrocon.
it's a big story Gary. 
They get like, 2,000 people every year.
What's Anthrocon?
It's an annual convention for people who like to wear animal costumes.
These are the people Trekkies beat up.
What is it, some sort of a kinky fetish thing?
They claim it's not.
So, these people dress up like animals and then don't have sex with each other?
That is so twisted.
What about tomorrow? 
I'll cover it tomorrow.
Can't I just have 24 hours to feel good about myself?
Tonight is their big Furry Formal celebrating the tenth anniversary.
At 6:00, I interviewed a U.S. senator, and at 10:00 I'll be talking to middle-aged virgins dressed like gophers.
Back to You Season 1 Episode 09
Sorry we're late.
I had to sign a bunch of autographs outside the studio.
I mean, they wait outside every day.
It's a bus stop.
Some of them looked pretty scared, the way you charged at them.
I think they thought you were Immigration.
Oh,my God, is that the new anchor from Channel Eight?
Oh,yeah, Craig St. Claire.
You know, we tried to get that guy.
I mean, what's he doing here?
Besides looking incredibly hot?
He can anchor me to the desk anytime.
What does that even mean?
I don't know, but you got it.
I heard they're not picking up Tricia Tamaguchi's contract, so he's going to need a new co-anchor.
I'd like him to need my co-anchor.
- Again, what does that?
- I'm not sure.
That right there is one handsome man.
He's actually pretty smooth on-air.
You know, I don't see it.
I mean, where is the gravitas?
Can you imagine him saying, "The missiles have been launched. god help us all"?
I'll bet he hasn't even practiced it.
Have you seen his billboard? 
He isn't wearing a tie.
Oh, on Fridays he doesn't wear a tie on air. 
That's his thing.
Well, maybe that's the way they dress at the discotheque, but in my day, a newsman would not go on air looking like that.
Now, take Walter Cronkite.
Walter Cronkite put on a tie to clean his gutters.
Walter Cronkite put on a tie to shop for ties.
Walter Cronkite wore two ties, in case one tie fell off.
- Walter Cronkite.
- Do we have to play "Walter Cronkite" every time we go out to dinner?
Oh, my gosh, he's coming over.
RYAN: 
Look at that.
His shoulders roll like a panther when he walks.
Hi, I just wanted to come over and introduce myself.
And you are?
Oh. 
Craig St.Claire.
He knows who you are. 
Hi, Kelly Carr.
- I think we actually met once before.
- Yes, we did, at the broadcast luncheon.
- oh yeah.
- God, who was that incredibly boring speaker that day?
Oh, right, that was me.
hi, Montana Diaz Herrera.
I'm just having a salad.
- You're even prettier in person.
- oh, well, she's had a child.
hi, I'm Ryan Church.
- Oh,yeah, the news director.
- Oh yeah, you know me?
absolutely. 
I love some of the stuff you're doing over there. those bumpers are super cool.
- really? 
You thought they were cool?
- oh yeah.
You're not just trying to butter me up, are you?
No, you've taken care of that yourself.
Anyway, look, I just want to say that I've seen your show and I think that you guys are just great.
- I mean,come on, Chuck Darling.
- I know.
- And Kelly, I am a huge fan.
- oh great, that's so sweet.
So, do you come here a lot?
kinda, I'm still new to town, so I don't know a lot of places.
Well,if you need any recommendations, I grew up here. i know where everything is.
- Oh, have you ever been to Monroe's?
- where is that?
It's on Liberty,right next to the deli.
There's a deli on Liberty?
- Maybe I should show you around town.
- yeah, i know, huh?
Listen, would you like to grab a drink with me later?
- What?
- yeah.
- I
- I mean,unless you have plans.
- uh, no, no, that... yeah.
yeah? 
Great, then I'll call you at the station later, we'll firm it up.
everyone, Nice meeting you, enjoy your dinner.
He asked you out.
That's so exciting.
I am so happy for you.
Can I get your order?
I'll have a cheeseburger and a double bourbon.
I was first in my class at journalism school, and I just got my hand stamped by a goat.
I have no idea where to even start with this.
Let's just do it and go get a hamburger.
Sorry.
Excuse me, uh.
bunny? 
uh... can we talk to you for a second? 
Channel nine news.
- Oh,yeah, sure.
- great.
So,uh. can I have your name?
Uh, Fluffy.
All right, Fluffy.
And what do you do for a living?
I am a dentist.
Well, then, there's no excuse for those teeth.
So let me ask you something. 
When you head home from this thing, are you tied to the hood of the car?
Mark that one a keeper. 
Yeah.
At the risk of getting personal, do you and your wife ever do it "people style"? 
Like you have a wife.
Hey, relax, it's just for the gag reel.
Finally, The hare got here an hour ago.
Just pretend you have a splinter in your paw, and I'll pull it out. it's gonna be hilarious.
no? 
I think that's funny.
I'm standing here with a wolf and a sheep.
Ordinarily, natural enemies, but here at Anthrocon, as you can see the only natural enemies are dignity and personal pride.
Thanks, guys.
Play nice now.
One, two.
Nailed it!
I don't know why you guys are so down on Craig.
yeah, He seems so nice.
- Did you see his eyes?
- I know, they were so blue.
I always wondered what "azure" meant.
I'll tell you what-
- I'll use it in a sentence.
We're all standing here azure turning gay.
what I meant to say was... he seemed pretty insincere to me and never once looked me in the eye.
Yeah, there was definitely something weird about that guy.
What, because he asked me out instead of you?
That and because he was so slick.
I mean, those eyes, those shoes, all that hair product.
What the hell was that?
I think it was grape seed extract and mango.
Wait, mango, is that what it was?
I'll use it in a sentence.
I'm watching a mango gay.
Yeah, that sounds great. 
I....
Yeah,okay,so, I'll see you then. 
Bye.
Was that your "date"?
Well, I don't know if it's a "date" date.
Of course it's not a "date" date; that's why I said the word "date" that way.
I was hoping it was a stroke.
And, by the way, what makes you so sure it's not a date?
Because he's young and you're o.
What?
A Pittsburgh legend.
So I guess he couldn't possibly be interested in me just because he's a few years younger?
Look, younger women go out with older men, but younger men do not go out with o... 
legends.
- So, then why did he ask me out?
- that's the riddle.
Let's review what we know.
I come back to town.
the ratings spike.
Johnny No-Tie sees this and starts to worry.
His co-anchor's contract is up for renewal.
And how do you do.
he's trying to poach you to cripple my show.
Oh,boy.He's good.
- You are unbelievable.
- Thank you, it's really just connecting the dots.
I mean, everything's got to be about you, huh?
Don't you think it's a remote possibility that he might be interested in me as a woman and he just wants to get to know me?
Oh, Kelly.
No.
the hare got here an hour ago.
Where do they come from? 
that's crazy.
Oh, man, you scared me.
How's it going, fellas?
What are you all doing down here? 
There's a free tick bath up in the lobby.
Oh! 
Okay.
Okay, what's going on, guys?
We don't like your attitude.
Oh, you mean when we were on camera back there? 
That's just goofing off, you know? 
A lighthearted look at Anthroncon.
Could you all just hop back a step? 
I'm allergic to half of you.
You think this is funny?
I'm sorry, I'm going to have to ask which one of you said that.
I speak for all of us.
Again, the mouths and the beaks don't actually move. 
Okay, Okay.
Before you do anything crazy.
er.
Stay.
stay.
Oh, my God!
Oh, no!
Heat up the cobbler, shake out your night shirt, the Monsignor's in the wood shed.
- Anything?
- Get out.
- We have to talk.
- What?
- Craig St. Claire is trying to poach Kelly.
- oh, she's never going to leave us.
- Although, once she takes a swim in those eyes.
- oh, for god's sake.
You're a news director, not a cruise director. 
Get a grip.
Everything we've built for the last seven and a half weeks is about to come crashing down all around us.
You've got to call this guy and tell him to back off.
All right,first, I'm the boss around here. 
I give the orders.
Second,I can't call him so soon, I just saw him an hour ago.
We are under attack. it's time to fight back, all right?
Wouldn't it be better if we just talk to Kelly first, make sure she know how much she's appreciated around here.
Maybe send her a muffin basket,or a...
Be a man.
Craig St. claire.
Hey, it's Ryan Church over at Channel Nine.
oh, hey, Ryan. 
It was great bumping into you earlier tonight.
Yeah, you,too. 
Really great. 
I hope it's not the last time.
Craig?
This is Chuck Darling here.
oh, Hey, Chuck.
Listen, I'm gonna cut to the chase.
I know you and I know your game because I've been playing it a lot of years.
you asked Kelly out because you know I'm the top dog in town, you think you can take me down by breaking up my team.
Well, that ain't gonna fly, bro.
So back off, you got it?
Well, Chuck, I hate to ruin a good story with the facts, but my co-anchor just renewed her contract.
And I asked Kelly out because I like her. 
So... maybe you're the one who should back off. 
Bro
- See ya, Ryan!
- See you Craig!
which means Nittany Lions are undefeated in the last four.
And that's it for sports.
So unwrap the yodels, somebody flip Grandma and...
Thanks, Marsh. and uh, finally.
this next story might give you pause.
Literally.
Tonight, thousands of people dressed as animals gathered downtown, and they are joined by our own Gary Crezzucheski live.
Crezyzewski, Chuck.
Gary, it must be quite a zoo down there.
Good one, Chuck, but Anthrocon is nothing to joke about.
No, it's just good, clean, well-adjusted fun.
In fact, it's so much fun, I'm in danger... of staying the whole weekend.
So I gather you've had a chance to chat with some of the kooky creatures.
Kooky? 
Don't. 
No. 
Her words.
No, these are popular, fun-loving folks who aren't hurting anyone.
Now, Gary, I understand you taped some interviews earlier with the cuddly conventioneers?
You've been misinformed.
Everybody should come down here.
Call your parents, call your friends, call the police.
All right, great show, everybody. have an awesome weekend.
Kelly, have fun on your date.
Yeah, have fun. 
And look.
all those mean things I said before, that was.
that was my insecurity and my jealousy.
He's a gorgeous young guy with beautiful eyes,
Cleft chin, mommy complex, and you should enjoy yourself
You know, this is so silly. 
I don't ever think it's a date.
Yeah,it is, Craig told us so.
- Didn't Chuck tell you?
- Tell me what?
That, uh... oh!
Hello?
Yeah.
I have to take this.
That's your wallet.
It's an iWallet.
- What didn't you tell me?
- well, i , i ,...
It is a "date" date.
He "likes you" likes you.
And how do you know that?
Well, I had occasion to speak with Craig.
What? 
When?
Well, I was in Ryan's office, and, and he called him.
- Why did Ryan call him?
- how do i know? 
he's the boss.
He can call whoever he wants to.
- What did you do?
- oh, all right, I called him.
I just wanted to spare you the embarrassment of walking into a business thing thinking it was a romantic thing, which, as it turns out,it was.
So, you're welcome.
What is the matter with you? 
How is this even your business?
Well, it was my business as long as I thought it was business.
you know what, I have put up with your insults, your stupid competitive stuff, your rampaging ego, all because I thought that somewhere underneath all that was a decent person.
Today is the first day I can't say that.
Let's just call that a draw.
Did you hear that?
Couldn't hear a thing over Kelly screaming at you out there.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- oh, then yeah.
She was pretty out of line, huh?
Take a knee, buddy.
You've been acting pretty crazy tonight.
Yeah, I don't know what it is about this kid.
He just seems so smug and arrogant.
so what? 
We've seen a million of these guys over the years.
It comes with the territory.
I seem to recall a young Chuck Darling waltzing in here, wouldn't wear a blazer patch, wouldn't give the thumbs-up at the end of the broadcast.
We didn't know what the hell was going on.
Yeah, I was trouble wasn't I?
so what is it about this guy?
Is it because he's young and brash, or is it because he's young and brash and going out with Kelly?
Marsh.
Come on, we've had a lot of years together.
You can tell me if something's going on.
It's complicated.
All right.
My door is always open.
Thanks, Marsh.
Yep, put the chairs over the tables, set out the rat traps, and pinch the hostess. 
I am out.
Hey, I hope I can remember that one.
I know you don't want to talk to me.
I acted like a jerk today and I'm sorry.
So.
shouldn't you be leaving?
Well, not that it's any of your business, but I think I might postpone it.
Really? 
Why?
Well, it's pretty late, just sort of want to go to bed.
- It's only 10:30.
- I know,
- but I have to get up early tomorrow.
- tomorrow's Saturday.
- Gracie's got ballet at 11:00.
- Eleven's not that early.
- I need eight hours of sleep.
- so go to bed at 1:00, you get... oh, my God, I don't want to go, okay?
I mean, I just... 
I haven't done this for a long time.
I'm really feeling rusty and single and weird, and it's going to be so awkward, you know?
There's and then talking, and then silences, then I'm going to sweat.
I mean, what am I supposed to talk about with somebody that much younger than me?
How we didn't have cell phones when I was his age?
Kelly, you're acting crazy.
You're not that much older than he is.
You're the one that's been telling me that I am.
Yeah, well, sometimes i just have to be right, so i'll say whatever I have to with complete disregard for the other person's feelings.
that is pretty unlikable trait to be that aware of.
Yeah, so thank you.
I'm not going-- you've put all this bad stuff in my head and you ruined everything.
Well, since when do you care this much about what I think?
I don't care.
- Well, then, go on that date.
- you go on that date.
I would,except Ryan would scratch my eyes out.
Kelly, you have nothing to worry about.
You're smart, you're beautiful and you're funny.
You happen to be a bit of a catch, Kelly Carr.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
Okay.
- Oh, no.
- what, you're late?
No, I have my mother's hands.
All right, well, if I'm going to do this, I should just go.
Better get there before he tries to cut his meat by himself.
Listen.
- You have a great time.
- yeah.
Thank you.
- Move it, chicken.
- I'm going!
Look, this guy is dangerous and he needs to be stopped.
That's why we're here, sir.
Okay, let's just get started. 
Jenkins.
He was a cross between a beagle and some kind of spaniel.
Floppy ears. 
Floppier.
He wore a little derby, kind of off to the side.
No,more... more askew.
His eyes weren't like that. 
They were... cuter than that.
Cuter.
Cuter.

Previously on "men in trees"...
I've never d ethe guest-lecture thing before.
You're a natural.
They offered you a job?
You are a girl who is unforgettable.
I'm just not ready.
Pilar romero is one of the hottest self-help writers out there.
She's left her agency.
I want to work with your company.
I will require something else.
I want patrick to be my lover.
hey, great sign.
So, can I count on you to audition?
Oh, annie, I'd love to, but I am swamped.
If I don't make some serious progress on my book, jane is going to end our friendship.
Order's up, marin -- two burgers, fully loaded, to go.
So, what's with this to-go business?
Professor fancy-pants too good to eat with us?
Oh, come on. 
It's jack's first lecture tomorrow.
He wants to practice.
Buzz: 
Well, he should practice here. 
We'll heckle him real good.
Yeah, I don't think heckling is the point of the practice. 
Thank u for the burgers.
Say "hi" to professor fancy-pants for us.
Will do.
You sure? 
Okay.
So, you guys gonna audition for my talent show?
What about you, buzz?
After all, you helped me get back in touch with my love of theater.
Maybe I will.
You'll do no such thing, buzz washington.
You don't have time for talent shows.
You should be working as much as possible to make money as quickly as possible to get your wife o of my house, 'cause I swear, on my beloved grandma's beloved grave, if I see one more box arrive from knickknacksandnovelties. 
Com stuffed with packing peanuts,
I'm gonna lose what little sanity I have left, which is why I'm here, nursing my 12th can of cola.
By the way, ben, can I get another, maybe with a lime in it?
Sorry, celia, I'm cutting you off.
You've clearly had enough sugar.
So, sometimes, on the lecture circuit,
I'd jump around like this before I got onstage to make myself feel loose.
Gotcha.
Want to try? 
Might help.
I'll pass.
Okay. 
But this time, really think "loose."
Got it -- loose.
Loose.
"Recently, scientists have suggested
"that the expansion of sea ice in the bering sea
"during the neoglacial period may explain several unresolved phenomena..."
okay, that's great. 
Great. 
Much better.
- Yeah?
- Much.
But, remember, college kids get restless, so even more eye contact.
Maybe look up like every third word.
- Right. 
Okay.
- Okay.
"Phenomena that may include, "but are not exclusive to
"the alteration of the distribution "of north pacific mammals, answering genetic questions."
Okay, forget that.
The eye-contact thing is throwing you off a little.
I'm sorry this is taking so long.
You wanted to finish your chapter tonight.
Why don't you work on your book? 
I'll be fine.
Don't be silly. 
My schedule's flexible.
I'm that far from fine, huh?
It was so easy when I was just talking off the cuff in julia's class.
Okay, so ditch the notes.
Just talk.
What made humpback whale migration patterns change?
The climate cooled during the neoglacial period.
And... the cooling created sea ice, so whales couldn't get through.
They had to take a detour, which explains why we find fossils where they shodn't be.
What? 
Yes, miss frist?
Already, that is like a million gazillion times better.
Million gazillion?
At the very least.
Just talk like that. 
You will be fine.
Thanks, coach.
All right, I should probably get to bed.
I got to get on the road at 4:00 A.M.
Sleep well, professor fancy-pants.
Would you stop calling me that?
Well, I would be happy to confirm that reservation for you, but I'd be remiss if I didn't tell you that if you moved your honeymoon back three weeks, you'd be able to catch the elmo inn talent show, which is... no -- no problem. 
We'll just stick with the original dates.
You're all set.
You're in this talent show, I hope.
Uh -- n-no problem. 
Bye, now.
Uh, uh, no, probably not, since I'm directing.
I have something for you.
But -- but it's not my birthday... or my half-birthday.
Go on, open it.
Love presents.
It's the complete works of croatia's most famous playwright.
I thought it might inspire you as you undertake your theatrical journey.
Thank you so much!
Annie, wait. 
One date -- just one.
I'm sorry, ivan, but I-I'm just not looking to date right now, so, if there are strings attached to this book, I should probably give it back.
There are no strings, but I'm not going to give up.
I wish you would.
No, you don'T.
Hey, this is patrick.
You've reached the elmo inn, recently voted the best and only accommodations in elmo.
We'll be back, so let us know who you are and where we can reach you.
Hey, this is patrick.
You've reached alliance literary, recently voted, by me, the number-one place to work if you have to work.
Oh, hey, judy.
Amy's in a meeting.
Can I put you through to her voicemail?
You got it.
Patrick, can you come into my office, please?
Sure thing, boss. 
Over and out.
Thanks.
And, again, you don't have to say "over and out."
Roger dodger.
Or "roger dodger."
Copy that.
Come in.
What can I do you for?
Have a seat, patrick.
Your breakfast sandwich didn't come with ham instead of sausage again, did it?
My breakfast sandwich was fine.
And, again, I'm sorry for overreacting yesterday.
Oh, hey, no, that was a totally normal reaction... for a crazy lady.
The truth is, patrick, you've been doing a great job here -- so great, I'm about to give you a very special assignment.
- No way.
- Way.
Now, as you know, we're looking for a big publisher for pilar romero's new book.
Book's gonna be huge.
I agree, which makes ms.
Romero a very important client.
And I am assigning you... to be her personal liaison.
Come on. 
High five!
Okay.
So, what does a liaison do, exactly?
I mean, besides liaising, which I totally get... kind of.
Scheduling, press, publicity -- it all goes through you.
Anticipate her needs... whatever they may be.
You got it.
You are not gonna regret giving me this assignment.
I'm gonna be all over pilar romero.
Well, sure. 
That would be fine.
Julia: 
Bad girl. 
You're a very bad girl.
Bad, bad girl.
Stop. 
No. 
Bad, bad girl.
Hey, I'm glad to see you talking to puppies and not students.
You mock, but office hours don't sound much different.
Oh, how did your lecture go?
I'm so sorry I missed it, but I was -- oh, no, stop! 
No. 
No.
Lecture was fine.
What's with the puppies?
Gary's dog gave birth.
- She's pregnant?
- Yeah.
I found homes for three of them, but these four are left, and I can't keep them 'cause jim does his sculpting from home, and with the buzz saw going, it's just too dangerous.
So I thought my students might want them, but apparently, there's a "no pets" rule at the dorm.
I'm just at my wit's end, jack. 
I don't know what to do.
Bad girl!
- One quicquestion.
- Shoot.
Are you out of your mind?
Men In Trees Season02 Episode17
Four dogs?
Just untilwe find them a home.
Didn't knowwhat else to do.
Well, why did youhave to do anything?
Jim works out of his home.
He has all tse buzz sawslying around, which are dangerous.
Yeah, what aboutmy sharpened pencils?
They can be dangerous, too.
Sharpened pencils?
Seriously,what were you thinking?
They're gary's dogsthat are... so I guess I felta little responsible.
I get it.
I can help out... temporarily.
You're the best.
Oh, stop.
By "stop," I mean,"please, go on."
I'm sorry, but I just not surethat telling fortunes really qualifiesas a talent.
Can you do it?
- Well, no, but - - exactly.
So this ishow it gonna work --
I'm gonna choose someonefrom the audience totally at random... or a plant -
- I haven't decidedwhich yet.
Then I am going toblow that person's mind with myamazing predictions.
Want me to do you?
No, that's okay.
Imagine me wearing all black,so I'm all dramatic and spooky.
Okay, choose a stack.
Ah, you're gonnafall in love.
Me?
Uh, no,that's not possible.
What are youdoing here?
Auditioningfor the talent show.
Oh, good idea. 
Do magic.
Show everyone howyou make $10,000 disappear.
No, I'm singing.
"The gambler"?
No, "I got you, babe."
Who you planning onsinging with?
- You.
- Yeah, right.
Hope you gota plan "B."
No plan "B."
If you don't sing it with me,I'll sing it alone.
* They say we're youngand we don't know * * we won't find outuntil we grow *
* Well, idon't know if all that's true * * 'cause, baby, you got me,and I got you * you're a stupid old man.
* Babe I got you, babe * no, you don'T.
* I got you, babe * in your dreams,sonny.
* I got you...babe *
What is that --your third cup before 9:00 A.M.?
You're allowed to suspend health and hygiene whenyou're writing.
It's a rule.
If you say so. 
How's it going?
Oh, I think I'm startingto see the slightest
"blink and you might miss it"glimmer of the light of day.
Sounds good.
Are you sure you're gonna beokay with these dogs?
- Oh, I'll be fine.
- Okay.
- Call meif you need anything.
- I will.
And, udon't suspend hygiene.
Hello?
Hola, marin. ¿Cómo est*s?
Fyi, I-I'm practicingmy spanish because I am pilar romero'spersonal liaison.
Feel freeto be impressed.
Oh, I'm impressed.
Sounds like you're doing great over there.
I am.
You know, I took this jobas a temporary thing, but I'm reallystarting to get into it.
So, listen, heads-up -- jane's been throwing aroundthe word "deadline"
- and "marin needs A...
- oh, no.
Thanks for the warning.
That's what I'm here for.
Ms. Frist for ms. 
Burns.
Hello.
Jane, jane.
You know why you'resuch a good editor?
You never pressure me.
You understand thatbooks need time to gestate.
Ma sure yourshas gestated by january 1st.
You're really giving mea deadline on a book?
Stuart's marketing teamwants it in beach bags.
So that's what creativityhas comeo -- beach bags?
No! 
Those are my notes!
Honey?
I'm gonna have tocall you back. 
Dog!
Okay, pick a card,any card.
You got somethingto say to me, woman, say it.
Why'd you have torile mai up?
Now look at your card.
Quit laughing. 
It's not funny.
What's she buying now?
Porcelain dolls.
- Now, was your card the 7 of hearts?
- No.
- 6 of hearts?
- No.
- 5 of hearts?
- No.
Shoot!
Come on. 
All right.
Who wants to adopt an adorable,furry friend for life?
Oh, how cute! 
Whose are they?
Oh, well, technically,they're mine and jack's, but they areup for adoption.
Here. 
Oh, look at that. 
He likes you.
Ooh, buzz. 
Buzz, come on.
You twowere made for each other.
Celia.
Keep that thingaway from me, frt.
Celia adopted an old, retiredpolice dog named woodruff, who passedabout 7 years ago.
She still hasn'tquite recovered yet.
Oh, that's too bad.
But I bet she'd nevergive up those precious years. 
So...
- how about it?
- Not on your life.
I can barelylook after myself.
I'm sorry, but we're stillstruggling to paper-train ivan.
Okay.
Do you know how much hard workpuppies are, hmm uh, yeah, I do, actually.
Oh, no, no! 
Stop! 
Stop!
Cut it out, you guys! 
Sit!
You're all overthe place, frist.
Puppies respond toclear commands, repetition, and timely rewards.
Okay. 
That's good to know.
These dogsneed boundaries, asap.
Luckily, I happen to teachan obedience class, and I've gota spot available.
I thoughtyou didn't like dogs.
I don't like totouch 'em. 
I love to teach 'em.
Oh, okay, well, I don't think I want to get involved indog school right now.
You'll unload 'em quickerif they're better behaved.
Marin,unless that's jerome's, I'm gonna have toask you to leave.
Sign me up.
Annie, sorry to interrupt,but I can't wait any longer.
I want you,my lite theater director, and I won't take "no"for an answer.
Kiss her neck a lot.
It drives her crazy.
Patrick?
Come.
Oh, hello, puppies.
I don't suppose you want to adopt four puppies?
Uh, no -- at least, I don't think I do.
Then again, I don't know what I want anymore.
Is everything all right, annie?
No. 
I had A... dream... about ivan.
- So?
- So?
I don't want some shirtless croatian running willy-nilly around my dreams.
Shirtless, huh?
I am not ready for a relationship.
Who said anything about a relationship? 
Have a fling.
No! 
This period of my life is not supposed to be about boys -- it's supposed to be about theater.
Well, the heart wants what the heart wants.
Well, I refuse to accept that.
I will make mine want what I want it to want.
Wouldn't that be nice?
Uh, hey, elmo, uh, annie matters of the heart.
We all have emotional boundaries that we set for ourselves, but all too often, we cross them.
With authority and repetition, we can train animals to think and act a certain way, but how about when it comes to ourselves?
Can we train our emotions to sit and stay?
How was your day?
Long... but fine. 
You?
Oh, not bad.
Got a bunch of e-mails from students today.
Telling you how great your first lecture was?
Asking for an extension on their first paper.
Lots of grandmothers having surgery this week.
Maybe I can use that excuse on jane.
She gave me a deadline -- can you believe it?
You get deadlines all the time.
On magazine articles, not books.
Books can't be rushed.
Don't stress. 
You'll get it done, coach. 
You always do.
Any breakthroughs today?
Oh, yeah, tons.
Well, names.
Well, flopsy, because of his ears, big paws for obvious reasons, sir pants-a-lot for reasons that become evident after he runs, and uncle ned, because he looks like my uncle ned.
Of course.
Can you take them to a training session tomorrow at noon?
Oh, shoot. 
I can'T.
I got a meeting at ketchikan.
I could do it over the weekend.
The class is tomorrow.
It's fine. 
I'll just do it.
Hello?
Oh, hi, julia.
Um, you know, not bad.
We're... holding up.
Well, I'm -
- I'm glad we could help.
Here he is. 
It's julia.
She can't find the gas bill.
Oh, hey, I mailed it.
I saw it sitting on the counter.
I should have left you a note.
No, the puppies are doing great. 
It's no problem at all.
Pilar: 
Above all, be clear and direct in your interactions and never be afraid to let someone know that you're interested.
Let's go get a drink.
This place is swarming with press.
In case you forget who anyone is, just give me the signal.
I got faces and names committed to memory.
Additionally, most are wearing name tags.
How do you like your martini?
Oh, I shouldn't drink...
since I'm on the job.
What if I insist?
I guess, technically, I'd have to.
He'll have a martini, extra dirty.
Okay, then.
So, there are, uh, four publications you should sit down with before -- patrick, I don't want to talk about business anymore.
Well, what do you want to talk about?
You.
not much to tell.
Got amnesia a couple months ago, so you know almost as much as I do.
Oh, you poor thing.
Tell me, do you think you'll ever get your memory back?
No one knows.
There's all kinds of strange cases out there.
Sometimes, people just wake up and remember.
Other times, a shocking event can jolt the mind back.
How about mind-blowing intercourse?
uh, pilar, can I ask you a question?
I'm an open book, on sale next spring for $21.
Right, well, I already read it, see, and you talk about the signs you send when you're trying to seduce someone.
Like?
Uh, talking about sex, making p-physical contact... licking your lips to draw attention to your mouth.
Are you hitting on me?
Honey, if you have to ask, it's because I'm not being clear enough.
and she's presold all overeurope, latin america, and -- sorry to interrupt.
Bill, james, andy.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Of course. 
Will you excuse me?
Is everything okay?
Pilar is hitting on me.
That was the emergency.
I know that there is a strict company policy about remaining professional in the presence of authors, and you've given me this awesome opportunity that I don't want to mess up.
Slow down.
Are you attracted to her?
I'm not gay.
Then go for it, honey.
W-what about the policy?
Oh, I think it's okay in this case, since you're part of the reason pilar signed with us.
What?
She told me she was hot for you, and I put you two together.
You pimped me out?
Oh, come on. 
You're single. 
She's gorgeous. 
What's the big deal?
The big deal is, I thought I got this assignment based on my merit, not on my looks... which are apparently a lot better than I thought they were.
Hey, you. 
Come on. 
Come on, puppies.
You're late, frist.
I'm the first one here.
Because you're the only one taking the class today -- doesn't mean you're not late.
No before we get started,
I like to take a moment of silence in honor of woodruff, a spectacular canine who served the public faithfully and devotedly until his untimely death.
- All right, let's go.
- All right.
Now, do you know anyone, uh, maybe a student, who wants a dog?
Always have a bag of treats handy to reward good behavior.
- Got it.
- Let's see you walk 'em.
Come on.
You're all over the place, frist.
No, get a tighter hold on their leaes. 
Choke up. 
No slack.
O-okay, okay.
Walk slower.
Don't let them walk in front of you.
Okay.
Keep a firm, steady gait. 
Stay in front.
Pick up the pace if you have to.
Remember, you're the alpha dog.
Give those puppies a reason to respect you.
Is this lesson for me or the dogs?
If you can't set boundaries, how are they supposed to respect them?
Now make the dogs heel.
Heel. 
Heel?
No, say it like you mean it. 
Heel!
Impressive.
What are you doing here?
I just thought I'd swing by before my audition, see how you're doing.
Practice, uh, walking the dogs.
Come on. 
Come on, flopsy.
Come on, flopsy.
I think flopsy really likes you.
No, that's 'cause I got a pocketful of treats.
Flopsy, come on.
So, do you want me to help you rehearse your act or what?
Oh, yeah.
Okay, and for my finale, I am gonna pull a rabbit out of this totally empty hat.
See?
Totally empty, right?
Uh, r-right.
And yet... voil?
No, I'm sorry. 
I'm just gonna hit the "pause" button.
This should just take a minute, okay?
Sure. 
Take your time.
What are you doing here?
I want to audition.
T-to do what?
Dance.
Ivan, I get that you like me, and I'm flattered. 
I am.
But I don't know how I can make it any clearer --
I'm just not interested in you, and you're not interested in me, either.
I'm not?
You're an athlete. 
I'm a challenge.
It's what you thrive on.
Th e reason I like you hasnothing to do with that.
It has to do with the kind of person you are.
And what kind of person is that?
The kind that celebrates half-birthdays.
Can I audition now?
Please, go.
Don't make a mockery of my audition.
This is a serious theatrical undertaking.
Hey, stop! 
Peter cottontail! 
Peter cottontail!
thank you for not buying anything online in the last hour.
Here. 
Have a cookie.
I mean it.
Thank you for not buying any more porcelain dolls.
You're a very good girl.
If you think I'm a good girl for that, wait till you see the work I did on your garden.
What did you do?
Oh, just brightened the place up a little bit -- pulled some weeds, planted some flowers.
Hey, can I get another cookie or what?
The ashes of my dog were here.
No problem. 
They're still here.
They're just all over.
I raked with my brand-new rake that I bought online for only $19.99
I didn't want the ashes all over.
I wanted to be able to stand in this one specific place and know they were here.
Hey, I'm taking off.
- Can I ask you something, boss?
- Yeah.
Does this look silly?
Well, um, you know, you're miming, so define "silly."
It's just... patrick and I would have done an act together, if he was here, a-and I was thinking maybe I'd do one alone.
Go for it.
Maybe I will. 
Thanks.
Are you okay?
Yeah. 
Well, is there anything that I can do to help?
Come in the box.
What? 
Oh, no, I can'T.
I'm not a talent-show guy.
Just for a second.
Thanks.
I don't love being in the box alone.
Well, the box can be a very lonely place.
I know.
But just because your box is lonely doesn't mean you should jump on the nearest hockey stick, right?
right.
But what if that hockey stick is more than just a regular hockey stick?
What if it's a sensitive hockey stick that -- that you kind of like?
Uh, well, if, you know, you like the new hockey stick, go for it.
But what if, every time I use the new stick, I think of patrick?
When you're ready to let go, you will.
- One tug-of-war?
- Not a chance.
You're late. 
You said you'd be home by 7:00.
I know. 
I'm sorry. 
Annie got upset. 
I was trying to help her.
Oh, of course you were.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
I'm glad you could be there for annie and for julia.
Maybe I should take a number.
What's going on?
It just seems like you have time for everyone but me.
Well, what do you need?
Help, jack. 
I need help.
Okay, okay. 
Give me the leashes.
No problem. 
I'll walk the dogs.
Marin.
I have to get some work done.
Come here, boy.
Hey, come back!
Hey, come back!
The little one just jumped out the window.
Well, of course he did! 
It's uncle ned! 
He's a jumper!
- That's why I leash them inside the pen.
- I didn't know.
No, of course you didn't, 'cause you brought home four puppies, you dumped them in my lap, and left me to deal with all the mess.
patrick, can I see you in here?
yep.
Great. 
Roger dodger.
I'm sorry.
I should've told you about pilar's intentions and let you make your own decision.
Yeah, you should have.
And whatever you do or don't do with pilar is up to you.
And if she has a problem with that, she'll deal with it, because you are more valuable to this company than she is.
Don't you underestimate yourself, patrick o'bachelorton.
You're a lot more than just a pretty face.
- You have transformed this office.
- You don't have to say that.
I know I don't, but it's true.
Office morale is better.
Customer relations are better.
Your color-coded post-it system is a real time-saver.
I didn't think you noticed.
Thanks, jane.
Uh, just to let you know, the deli didn't make a mistake this morning.
I told them to put ham in your breakfast sandwich.
I sort of figured.
Mai feels really bad.
I just... miss woodruff, you know?
Yeah.
It's been hard for you lately, huh, with patrick leaving.
I don't want to attach to anything anymore.
It's just too painful when it's gone.
What are you doing here?
I want to audition.
I deserve a shot.
Fine. 
Dance.
I need a partner.
After this, I will leave you alone.
Pinkie swear, no backsies?
I don't know what that means.
You promise?
I promise.
Where'd you learn how to do that?
I took years of dance in croatia.
It helps with the footwork on the ice.
So, am I in?
You're in.
Uncle ned!
Jack: 
Here, boy!
- Marin.
- What?
We looked here an hour ago.
If you want to go home, go home.
Uncle ned!
I don't want to go home. 
I'm just saying it's been three hours.
Yeah, you're tired. 
I get it. 
No problem. 
I can deal with this, too.
- Come on.
- What?
- I get it -- you're mad. 
- Yeah, I am.
Just so you know, writing doesn't get done by itself -- it gets done because I get it done, after hours and hours of not getting it done, because writing is hard work!
I know that.
And just because I work from home doesn't mean I don't have a real job!
I never said it wasn'T.
Yeah, well, then, why did you think it was ay to leave four dogs in my office?
That's not fair.
Oh, you want to talk about fair?
I had no idea you were so put out.
Well, you should have thought about it.
I did -- that's why I asked you repeatedly if it was all right.
If you were so unhappy, why didn't you say anything?
I don't know.
Uncle ned!
Look, uh, I feel terrible about losing uncle ned and about making you feel taken advantage of.
Well, as a wise dog trainer once said, how can you expect anyone to respect your boundaries if you don't lay them out?
You're right. 
I said I was fine.
I don't usually say things are fine when they're not fine.
Why did you?
I don't know.
I think, since you've been back, I've been so worried about your needs that I trained myself not to think about mine.
I had no idea.
Well, how could you?
I didn't say anything.
But this is your notice.
This girl's needs are about to be met.
- Fair enough.
- Need number one... shoot.
I know you feel this giant sense of responsibility, and I admire that -
- I do.
But you can't be everybody's hero all the time, 'cause if you are, it leaves less of you available for me, and that's not fair.
Because... you need me.
I do... but not as a h o -- my partner.
Okay. 
You got it.
I have thought about this a lot, and even though I am attracted to you -- 
- I'm attracted to you, too.
- Right.
The thing is, we're working together, and I don't think it's a good idea to mix business with pleasure.
Look, patrick, I like you.
And, yeah, some of that is the raw animal instinct of having your face in between my breasts, but it goes deeper than that.
It -- it doesn't have to.
The men I me -- they're already damaged.
They have been cheated on. 
They have been dumped. 
They are transgendered.
- But you -- you are a blank slate. 
- Yeah.
It's so refreshing.
But if you are intent on maintaining personal and professional boundaries,
I understand.
I am... so I quit.
Let's get back to your place and do that breast thing.
Sounds great.
Oh, wait, uh, I have to run to the bathroom. 
Don't move.
I mean, you can move, just don't go anywhere.
Find a partner yet, old man?
Just waiting on you.
Enjoy the wait. 
It's gonna last forever.
Hey, professor fancy-pants emerges from his ivory tower.
- I warned you.
- You did.
Uh, so you know, that colleague of mine who wanted one puppy next week -- yeah?
I talked him into two puppies.
I thought you might want to say goodbye to big paws and sir pants-a-lot.
Oh, I'm actually gonna miss you guys.
Hey, where's flopsy?
Eric: 
Celia?
Come back in half an hour.
No can do.
- Why is that - - it's for you.
- I don't want a dog.
- Yes, you do.
Loving anything or anyone is difficult and risky, but at the end of thday, it's worth it.
If you close yourself off, you might not be able to open up again.
So, what do you say?
Will you keep flopsy?
His name is woodruff ii. 
All right.
Give me a kiss. 
No, not you. 
You, stay.
Stop jiggling it, patrick.
I got to get out of here!
Oh, my god! 
Annie's gonna forget about me.
No, she's not gonna forget about you. 
You matter to her.
You don't forget about the people you care about.
I love you, annie.
Patrick, tag me in.
- I will never quit.
- It's okay, patrick. 
We're a team.
Will you please marry me?
oh, my god.
I remember everything.
I got to get back to elmo.
The mind is a funny thing.
It's the place from which everything emanates, yet no one can access anyone else's, which means we've got to communicate.
With animals, we use only the most straightforward language -- words like "sit," "stay," "no."
But between one another, things quickly get complicated.
What we say is not always what we mean.
I knew this was a bad idea.
and at times, we have to fight through mixed messages...
Hey, this is patrick. 
You've reached the elmo -- ...
Or start all over again.
Hey, there, this is annie, and you've reached the warmest spot in the coldest state, the elmo inn.
But no matter how hard it is and how often we feel misunderstood...
I'm so sorry. 
I got to go.
It is our responsibility to keep fighting for clarity, because, in the end, we teach people how to treat us...
Which means the responsibility to communicate lies not on the shoulders of others but on ourselves.
uncle ned!
You came home!

previously on "october road"... after we're married,I want to adopt sam.
I have to tell ray that gavin goddard isn't sam's real father.
- Nick deserves to know, hannah.
- Don't do this, eddie.
Sam, I don't kw about the "father" of it all, but I really love being your friend.
Thanks.
- You have to give me another chance.
- No, I don'T.
My offer to work at cataldo builders still stands.
Aubrey was acting all secretive, all "I can't talk right now."
I love you.
Who was that call from?
I'm not seeing anyone else.
oh, yeah! 
That's gotta hurt, huh?
!
Die, tomato can, die! 
Yeah!
Here we go. 
I have finally perfected a way to make polenta with chocolate and cheddar cheese.
Come on, guys. 
Can I play now?
I have exactly six minutes before I have to meet alison.
It's my sunday with the kids.
You guys aren't gonna believe this.
Ronnie was right.
There actually ar different sizes of infinity?
Aubrey's been cheating on me, lying about it to my face.
- What?
- Pause for a second.
What? 
No. 
Not aubrey.
I saw her last night.
She wasn't in boston with the foo fighters.
She was at that crappy motel with blue thunderbird dude.
Well, I say we go over there, show him what's what.
In fact, I say we start a club-- "the other men punishers."
We go from town to town knocking the snot out of other men.
Wife cheating on you? 
Call O.M.P.
- O.M.P.?
- Other men punisherS.
I'm in.
Okay. 
I'm outta here.
I'm gonna see what's up with aubrey.
- Well, s-should we go after him?
- What, are you kidding?
I'm almost the number one contender here, pal.
- Bring it.
- Bring it, philly phil.
Whoa.
Well, hello there, missy.
what is zees?
nothing.
Just the dress that's been collecting dust at the bottom of my hope chest, the dress that you'll never get to see me wear in public...
For it is the kind of dress one only wears to go..
dancing.
Oh! 
Not this again. 
I'm an old dog.
I don't change my spots or--or whatever.
I don't do the dancing thing.
It's all part of the package.
So I've been told.
But every month, I go out on a limb, and I think, maybe this is the month he'll take me to ballroom madness at the V.F.W. Hall.
Just a simple girl with simple dreams.
That's me.
I don't know how many times I gotta tell you-- ballroom madness ain't all that mad.
It's a bunch of old farts that are just... making a mockery of the great american songbook.
Actually, it's the old farts who stay at home and don't go dancing.
I should know.
I just happen to be dating one of them.
Gotta go.
Got a lot of work to do.
poppycock.
Hey, nick. 
What ya doin'?
Uh, nothin I'm just in a hurry.
- Big window emergency?
- No.
Then...where are you going?
Uh, sam, I can't really talk right now.
I'm gonna see you later, okay?
please tell me this is going in your downstairs bathroom.
Actually, I have no idea where this is going.
What is this?
A gift from ray.
Hey, let me get another blanket.
I don't wanna scratch your floors.
Thanks.
- Look at you working for big cat.
- Yep.
Surprises just keep comin'.
You stick around long enough, you're gonna see everything.
You should come for dinner on saturday.
You, me, sam... ray.
I don't know.
Well, I know it's one thing to work for ray and another to break bread with him, but... it's not that. 
Ray's been great.
I just don't wanna intrude.
No. 
We would love to have you.
all right. thanks.
And I'm serious. 
Ray's been great.
I mean, he's real generous and friendly, and he's a pretty solid guy.
Yeah.
I mean, he told me he wants to adopt sam.
He told you that?
Yeah, and I thin it's a good idea-- give sam a real dad.
You gonna say yes?
I don't know. 
We were just talking about it...
with everyone, I guess.
- daddy!
- Hey, sweetie.
- Oh, hi, mr. 
Garrett.
- Oh, hello.
um, could I--could i speak to you for a minute?
- Um, sure.
- Okay.
You guys wait here, okay?
We're gonna have fun today.
Are you a statue?
- What is it?
- It's just...
I don't really know what we're doing.
I mean, I-I guess we're separated, though we haven't officially signed those papers or anything.
- Alison-- - it's just, something really weird happened the other day.
What's that?
I got asked out on a date.
You did?
I didn't know what to say-- what--what to do. 
I mean, have you been going on dates?
Dates? 
I don'T... yes.
I've been going out on a lot of dates.
- Really?
- Yeah. 
I have.
So go. 
Definitely.
Go on that date.
All right. 
Guess I will.
Bye.
- Bye.
- Bye, guys. 
Love ya.
Oh, man. 
You're old and crap?
Yeah?
That's the problem if you're born a while ago.
You get to be old...and crap.
- Can I help you?
- Yeah, is she here?
Who exactly are you referring to?
Oh. 
Yeah. 
Let's play that game.
- Who the hell are you anyway?
- Who the hell are you?
I like to think of myself as aubrey diaz's boyfriend.
- Really?
- Who the hell are you?
I like to think of myself as aubrey diaz's father.
OR Season 2 Episode 7
I didn't know aubrey had a boyfriend.
- Yeah, I didn't know she had a father.
- See, I don't believe that.
Well, I mean, I knew she had a father.
I just didn't know he ever... came around.
He doesn't--not often. 
He's here now, though.
Wants to make things right...with his little girl.
And he may want to stop referring to himself in the third person.
Yeah, he may.
And who are you, the firebrand?
That touches my heart.
Aubrey picked herself out a little firebrand, hmm?
Well, it seems to me, you lost the right to have your heart touched by her choices a long time ago.
Ooh, indeed-Y. 
Now that-- that's a very, very firebrand thing to say to me.
- You got a name, firebrand?
- Nick.
Gabriel diaz.
I'm glad you've come by, nick.
I think I could use your help.
- what for?
- With aubrey. 
What do you think?
She come by here last night. 
What was that about?
- Damn near run me out of town?
- She did?
Good for her.
Hey, whatever she told you about me--you know, everything, all right? 
It's all true.
I'm a liar. 
I'm a cheat.
I'm a womanizer. 
I'm a gambler.
I'm also a gentleman, and I'm an optimist, you know?
I'm here to make peace, man. 
You understand?
I wanna make peace with my baby girl, whom I've neglected... before it's too late.
Listen, man, from what she told me it was too late a while ago.
What do you think? 
You know, just because a guy wanders, you know, it doesn't mean you're lost.
Okay. 
Yeah.
I mean, come on. 
My own father-- I thought he was an astronaut till I was 13.
Heavy-duty training at nasa is what they told me.
You know, they think an astronaut would beat out him being a drunkard, which, in the eyes of a little boy, you know, I mean, he was.
I see you learn from the best there.
He didn't show up on my doorstep till I was 22.
He showed up with a little bottle of sweet cherry wine.
Can you imagine that? 
Cherry wine.
Loved the stuff.
We sat down with it.
By the time the bottle was empty, you know what?
We were good.
I got it. 
I got it.
I understood.
I knew who he was, and he understood me.
That's what I'm asking... from aubrey, you know?
To drink a bottle of wine and make everything all good? 
huh?
I'll give it to ya-- you are an optimist.
Why don't you get me an audience with my daughter?
Maybe we can all win here.
If alison's going on a date, then I'm going on a date, too.
Good for you. 
With who?
Well, that's the problem.
I don't know.
I have to find someone to date.
How do I do that? 
The internet?
Actually, I know someone you might like-- bethany.
She's in my art class. 
Very cute. 
Earthy.
I think I could set you two up.
Be careful of earthy, owen.
Earthy equals unshaven, unwashed and unable to stop going to concerts by bands who jam to one song for hours.
Bethany is adorable.
Actually, I know a cool girl you should date.
- Who?
- Jody watson.
Wait. 
Who is jody watson, and how do you know cool and available girls?
Jody was my personal service rep at the cable company.
She and I have had lengthy conversations about how to best maximize my premium channels, and she knows everything about cinema.
Get her started on sam peckinpah's body of work.
Three hours can go by in the blink of an eye.
Oh, really?
This was, of course, long before you arrived and made it so there is a lantern in the mine shaft of my mind.
Honestly, have you all gone nuts?
If you wanna meet a lady, you come to eddie latekka.
I got hot divorced chick for ya, owen--vanessa.
Vanessa's got what you're looking for.
How much do you wanna bet bethany's the one?
Well, how much you got?
- How about 50 bucks?
- Whoa. 
I'll put that on jody.
What are you guys doing?
Okay, 50 bucks and a girl in the pot.
Bethany versus jody versus vanessa.
An old-school cage match for owen rowan's slightly mangled heart.
Whoever makes an honest love connection wins.
my feet are sweaty.
hey. 
This is a nice surprise.
- I missed you last night.The concert was-- - don'T. 
I...
I know about your father.
- What?
- I saw you last night.
- I followed you to the motel.
- You followed me?
- You lied?
- I can't believeyou followed me.
Well, I can't believe you lied.
It's complicated with my father.
So why didn't you just tell me that?
you ever ignore something, hoping it'll go away?
This is what he does.
He shows up once or twice a year, full of promises about how he wants to make things right, make up for lost time, blah, blah, blah.
At first I resist. 
Then he gets all sad-eyed and penitent, so I give in, and I open my heart to him, only to have him vanish again, once he hears of a game where the stakes are high, or--or an old girlfriend emerges from the mothballs of a marriage and wants an encore
or whatever flimsy excuse he needs to perfect his knack for aving.
I'm sorry.
Me, too.
I'm sorry I lied.
If you're going through something, I want you to feel like you can tell me.
- I just want to be a part of your life.
- You are.
It's my father who isn't, and that's the way I want to keep it.
Hey there.
I thought we might break in the new bathtub.
Brought my own bubbles.
You told ikey you wanted to adopt sam?
How could you do that?
I'm sorry. 
I was excited.
I was moved to tell the world.
You really need to slow it down, ray.
Slow what down?
It's like you feel it's necessary to gather everything in a hurry as if you're worried it's all just gonna blow away.
Hang on. 
That is not what I'm doing.
Well, then what are you doing?
Because it all just seems so panicked.
Panicked?
Well, is there something I need to be panicked about?
No. 
There isn'T.
What is this really about?
And do you even want me to adopt sam?
Because you haven't said a thingto me about it since i asked.
I just don't want to open it up to the ikeys of the world when I'm still trying to figure things out.
I just want an answer either way.
- It's not that simple.
- Yes, it is.
I mean, there are forms to sign, and we need to speak to sam, and we need the birth father's okay, but other than that, it is that simple.
hey. 
Sam, what goes on?
You in the market for a new window? 
Huh?
'Cause I can set you up.
- I just came by to tell you that you're a liar.
- What?
You said even if you weren't my dad, you wanted to be my friend.
That was a lie.
Oh, sam, I'm sorry about yesterday.
I was just distracted-- it's not about yesterday.
Ever since you saw my mom in that wedding dress and realized it's never gonna happen for you two, you've just been gone.
I'm sorry, sam. 
I-I-I've just been busy--
I was stupid to believe you.
I should have known you were just using me to get to my mom.
I wasn't, sam, I promise.
You know, my whole life, I never even knew you existed.
Now I kinda wish you didn'T.
so that's when I said, maybe cubism just isn't for me.
I like people to look like people...
And flowers to look like flowers.
That probably sounds totally unsophisticated to you.
No, it makes perfect sense.
I think I'd be uncomfortable to talk to a person who looks like a flower... the same way it'd be weird to give a dozen peoples to a girl on valentine's d.
I like him. 
He's eccentric.
I always wanted to be eccentric.
Well, you should wear a top hat and drive a unicycle...
And have a pet ostrich named stan.
Yes!
- Who wants more champagne?
- Oh, I do.
- Me, too.
- All right, this is fun, right?
Maybe you guys could pick another cd, and I will go and get dessert.
What do you think, owen?
Can we find something we both like?
- We can.
- Okay.
- What do you think about jam bands?
- Ooh, I hate 'em like a pestilence.
Hooray!
go ahead and pay me now.
We have a winner. 
Ding-ding- ding-ding-ding!
Desert island select-- you can take one cd to the desert island where you are to spend the rest of your days.
- What do you take?
- "Purple rain."
- Wow. 
Not even a hesitation.
- "Purple rain" makes me happy.
My kids and I dance to "when doves cry" all the time.
We choreographed a whole routine.
- Oh, right. 
Your kids.
- Wanna see a picture?
Um, that's connor. 
It's kind of an old picture.
Uh, oh! 
Here. 
That's a better one.
And caitlin.
Well, in this one, she's with her mom, so... 
I'm married.
Oh. 
Right.
Well, separated, I guess, though we haven't officially set that up or anything.
Oh. 
Okay.
I mean, can you imagine your wife cheating on you with your best friend?
At first, you blame yourself.
Maybe I could be in better shape or have better hygiene, but I think I have good hygiene.
Alison-- well, that's my wife-- she sometimes questioned my breath.
She thought it smelled musty. 
I don't agree.
I think it's naturally minty on account of the mouthwash that I use.
It gets retained.
Do you wanna smell it?
Hey.
- feeling better?
- Oh, a little better.
- can I ask you something?
- Sure.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
You know, all those years ago... did you... hate me for leaving?
What?
Oh, that's crazy. 
Of course not.
I mean, I-I can handle it all, nicky... except, um, the missing you part.
That was tough.
But when you were a little boy, I warned you never to speak to strangers, never knowing that, uh, years later, I'd qualify as one.
Dad, you were never a stranger.
Oh, that doesn't matter now.
I mean, you're back.You're here, and that's what counts.
Remember this... life isn't then. 
Life isn't when.
Life is this...here, now.
You get that off a fortune cookie?
No. 
I got it from your ma... who probably did get it off a fortune cookie.
well, you know what it means?
It means that life's too short not to go dancing with the dean.
Bethany's great. 
Thank you so much.
I knew you'd like her.
You know, I don't have to go out with those other two girls.
You should just take the money, and I'll take bethany.
I was hoping you'd say that.
Bethany's leaving.
I forgot. 
I have a project due tomorrow, so I should probably go.
Oh, okay, well, uh, I'll just get your number from these guys.
Um... 
I don't think you should.
Really? 
Why not?
You know, just because,um... there'd be no point.
I'm sorry.
I'll see you in class?
Thanks for dinner.
- Sure.
- Okay.
Judy says I can't go back to bowling till I'm well enough to hang shelves in the garage.
Women and their deals.
It's like they're all sitting down at potsdam looking for ways to divvy up berlin.
How--how are things with leslie?
- She wants to go dancin'.
- Dancing. 
I'm sorry.
I used to like to dance back in the pocket comb days.
I also liked to ride motorcycles really fast and drink till dawn, but I bet she wouldn't be happy if I suggested we do that along with the dancin'.
But still, it must be nice to find love again.
I mean, especially at your age.
My age? 
You're not that much younger than me, doug.
I sorta am, robert.
Just fix my back so leslie and i can go to the prom.
Okay. 
Let's start with an x-ray, and we will have you up and jitterbugging in no time.
Okay.
Boy, these small towns, I'll tell ya.
I asked the meter maid, she ever heard of nick garrett, and after a brief litany of obscenities about some horrible novel,
I'm promptly directed right here.
Gabriel diaz, eddie latekka.
Eddie latekka, gabriel diaz.
Hello, mr. 
Diaz. 
I heard bad things about you.
Only the worst are true.
so... any progress?
She doesn't want to see you...ever again.
I know that.
You know life intervenes, though.
I mean, look at you.
You showed up at my motel when you're needed the most.
I mean, that's wild, isn't that?
That--that's just-- that's kind of serendipity.
I mean, you never know when these moments of change are gonna happen like that, right?
But when they do, nick, you gotta trust... they come along for a reason.
Why should she believe you this time?
Well, you get to be a certain age, and there can, um... there's no percentage in the lies.
you know who you remind me of?
Shrek.
Thank you. 
I love that movie, watch the dvd with my kids all the time.
I-I-I-I mean, uh, my friend's kids.
My--my--my--my brother'S...friend's kids.
Just, it's, you know, kids, in general.
I've never even seen the movie.
You've never seen "shrek"?
Who's never seen "shrek"?
How can you work at the cable company and not see "shrek"?
- I hate movies.
- You hate movies?
Who hates movies?
But I--phil said you two discussed movies with gat intelligence.
So you wanna head back to my place?
Um, um, I'm sorry, what?
We're both single.
No, I don't find you particularly attractive, and I can tell you find me a little unpleasant, but it's a lonely night, there's rain in the forecast, and I've got a great bottle of absinthe back at my nest.
So why don't you come over?
We'll get alcoholized and bend our backs in bed a bit.
- hey. 
How's the back?
- Oh, back is gonna be fine.
Muscle relaxers are kickin' in.
I know I'm gonna have a date with the heating pad for the next couple of nights, but all right.
Oh, well, I'm still glad you saw the doctor just to be sure.
- Thank you for going.
- No. 
Thank you for making me go.
And as a token of my appreciation--this.
What is this for?
For you to dust off that red dress, 'cause you're gonna be the finest-looking woman thathe V.F.W. Has ever seen.
Robert...
Oh, robert, we really-- we don't--we don't have to-- we're gonna. 
You know why?
Life isn't then. 
Life isn't when.
Life is this--here. 
Now.
Did doug give you happy drugs?
No. 
He didn't have to. 
It'S... the sort of thing you do for people you love.
Love?
It wasn't that strange, but it wasn't mantis-like, and it certainly wasn't praying.
Totally.
- Who's that?
- My dad.
Gavin?
- Did you call him, or did-- - yeah.
Ma's here. 
You wanna talk to her?
No, no, I have.Something in the oven.
I'll just call him later.
She says she'll call you later.
When are you gonna come up again?
Maybe we can go to another celtics game.
Really?
yeah, that would be awesome.
I should've asked myself, "what would eddie do?"
'Cause I know you would've taken that girl home, and-- actually, no.
I mean, just 'cause they wanna have sex with you doesn't mean you have to have sex with them.
But... maybe jody's the best I'm ever gonna get.
I mean, bethany wouldn't even stay for dessert, and it was boston cream pie.
Wait for vanessa.
Vanessa will be the cure for what ails you.
my father still hasn't left.
Got a million messages on my machine.
Guess I should've refused to see him a long time ago.
It's the only thing that's made him stick around.
You know, when I first got back, I met sam.
It blew my mind-- you know, not just the idea that I might have a kid, but that I'd been missing from his life for ten years without even knowing him.
Yeah, but you wanted to be sam's dad.
When you got the chance, you wanted to be a part of his life.
That's the difference.
I guess, but the point is, i t a chance.
I mean, who would've known?
I get writer's block, take a 1-day teaching job, and then boom-- my whole world changes.
Life intervenes.
He's a really bad guy, nick.
Yeah, well, certain people may have said that about me.
it's not the same thing.
Yeah, but I just don't know where any of us would be if everything stayed unforgiven.
no, no, no, no, no.
You put the pepperoni in the microwave first, then you put it on the pizza.
That way there's no puddles of grease when it comes out the oven.
I've always been more of an onions and eggplants kind of guy, as opposed to pepperoni.
Eggplant's for parmesan. 
Pepperoni is for pizza.
What's with this kid,hannah?
I thought you were raising him on the right.
Actually, my father makes eggplant calzone-- blows you both out of the water.
- what's so great about it?
- Oh, can't reveal the trade secrets.
Like I'm gonna open up a restaurant, put him out of business?
No, but sometimes you just gotta know when to keep your mouth shut.
it's kinda fny being here with you and ray when he's pretty much the guy who ruined my life.
At least ray had the decency to tell owen what was going on.
I know.
And one could argue that it was you who pretty much ruined your life when you took up with alison.
Believe me, I know.
The worst part--eddie.
I mean, owen-
- I can understand that.
It was his wife.But eddie?
He's the maddest of them all.
- Eddie is - yeah.
- That's unbelievable.
- I know, right?
Wait. 
Why is-- why is it unbelievable?
Just...
I mean, the guy sleeps with hundreds of women, and he's taking the moral high ground with you?
Yeah, but none of them hundreds were his best friend's wife.
True.
I don't know. 
It's just, eddie and I were partners.
We worked together for years.
I saved him from drowning that summer.
I don't remember that.
Yeah, it never happened, but I convinced myself it did.
I gotta maintain my outrage, you know?
Well, I'm sure it's a tough situation he's in.
He's trying to figure out what to do.
just give him a chance.
- He's just so furious.
- Yeah, well... he's never been the same since he almost drowned.
Yeah.
I always thought I'd go crazy after my divorce-- become a wiccan,maybe join a coven,
- like, witches?
- Good witches.
but then I realized, I'm just a mom.
You know, a regular mom.
I like living in a small town, and I loved being married.
Me, too.
Just couldn't convince my husband to love being married, although, funnily enough, his 22-year-old massage therapiscould...
Which is where the witches came in.
I thought maybe I could cast a spell, turn them both into cockroaches... and then turn yourself into a big, rolled up newspaper and gush!
Exactly.
oh, that girl's in my yoga class.
Come on. 
Let's sayi.
- Alison, hi.
- Hey.
- Hey, trent.
- Hi.
- This is-- - hi, owen.
You guys know each other?
Um, owen is my ex-husband.
- Ex-husband, huh?
- It's a figure of speech.
I am so sorry. 
I had no idea.
You gotta go on a date here, in this shop where we buy ice cream for our kids, our shop?
- Aren't you here on a date?
- Yeah, but... not with him.
Come on, man. 
Look, we don't want any trouble.
How long you been sleeping with him?
It wasn't just my best friend, was it?
Your yoga teacher, too? 
And who else?
Hey, ice cream boy!
You sleeping with my wife, too?
Owen, stop it!
- You're taking this too far, pal.
- Do not "pal" me.
I am not your pal.
I am the furthest thing from your pal!
Lounge out, man. 
Just... 
lounge out.
oh, oh, god.
I'm so sorry. 
I'm so sorry.
come in.
- Hello, robert.
- Oh, dr. 
Doug. 
What's this?
I thought house calls were a thing of the past.
- Well, in general, they are.
- Uh, my back's getting better.
Oh, and leslie and i are going dancing after all.
Good. 
I'm glad, but, I, uh, I thought I owed it to you as a friend to tell you this in person, and I knew you'd never show up if I asked you to come back into the office, so--
what's going on?
Well, I'm concerned, robert, about something that turned up on your x-ray-- some gray patches.
Yeah!
Who's the boy now, motherfucker? 
Huh?
Homeboy's gonna bury himself.
Just do the fucking puto and let's go.
So this is it, Lud.
- This is how it ends.
- DeMille, what the fuck? 
Let's go, bro!
Shut up! 
I'm having fun!
Where? 
Where is the fucking disc?
Huh?
Where's the disc?
Okay.
Come here.
You're a lot tougher than that piece of shit husband you used to have.
You're getting ahead of yourself.
We're gonna be here all night.
You have to go, Linda.
Wherever it is, you gotta go.
Come on.
I'm already packed.
Take care of yourself, Detective.
Where are you gonna go, cop killer?
I let myself in.
Clearly.
You all right, Tom?
I was worried about you.
Apparently, I killed two deputies.
Diskant's dead.
Santos and DeMille dragged me off to die, so I put them down.
Can you fix this, Jack?
Oh, I'm going to fix it. 
I'm going to fix it.
You know, I suspected that Santos and DeMille were capering with Washington, but I didn't want to believe this kind of shit was going on in my unit.
Yeah. 
Me neither.
Boss, you better get Clady up here.
I need you guys.
I'll get him in the loop.
I'm gonna get him up here right now.
You need an alibi.
You were sleeping on the couch after the party.
Santos and DeMille, they killed those deputies.
Not you. 
Not you.
This is Clady's phone.
And his badge.
All this is you. 
It's you, Jack.
It's you. 
It's you, Tom.
Own it! 
Fucking own it!
You knew they were cops!
Those guys were so deep undercover that they... 
They lost their fucking minds!
Don't mourn them. 
You can't mourn them.
You set me up!
You sent me in to die, Jack!
I didn't set you up! 
You set yourself up!
I was trying to save you!
You backed me up in a fucking corner!
- You killed Washington!
- Fuck him!
Fuck Santos! 
Fuck DeMille!
Fuck Clady! 
Fuck them all!
Fuck them all!
They're a dime a dozen.
You...
You, man.
You're special.
You're special to me.
And Diskant?
He special?
I watched a good man die because of you.
That is entirely your fault.
Come on, Tom.
How do we get past this?
We got a destiny. 
You and me.
Nobody's getting past this, Jack.
Everything ends now. 
You end now.
I surrender! 
I surrender.
Hook me and book me!
There's a rover right there!
Put it out! 
One for transport!
Goddamn!
Tom Ludlow, he got his man now!
I found you.
I made you possible.
Now you need me more than ever, Tom.
What did you think I'd do when I found out?
Wait, man. 
Wait.
Wait.
My wall.
It's all there. 
In the wall.
These secrets, they're killing us.
That's it. 
Open it up.
Open it up! 
Tear it down!
Tear it down!
That's it.
There it is.
This is my power.
This is my crown.
I'm the king of secrets, Tom!
I know which city councilman is doing lines.
I know who likes boys.
I know who's selling contracts.
I know who... 
Who's beating his wife.
I own them!
Even the Chief is in my pocket, Tom.
How do you think that I've been able to protect you all these years?
What do you think it is that you're doing?
All these missions, how do you think that you're able to touch the untouchables?
how do you think that you're able to touch the untouchables?
I'm gonna be chief!
I will be chief!
I will be mayor!
This is our world, Tom!
So, let's take it!
That why you put a hit on Washington?
Why you tried to kill me?
So you can keep stuffing money in your wall?
But this is our money.
The unit's.
Who do you think paid for Silky's defense during all those lawsuits?
Who's gonna pay for your retirement?
I'm just correcting a flaw in the system, Tom.
This is about cops helping cops.
And if a teacher or a fireman could do it, they would do it, too.
What happened to just locking up bad people?
We're all bad, Tom.
You were my best friend.
We were family.
Drop it, Ludlow!
There's been enough killing.
I came as soon as you called.
Guess you're first on scene.
Nope. 
You are.
Looks like Jack's friends got greedy and came after the money.
- Is that what it looks like?
- Mmm-hmm.
This is your plan, Captain?
Just sit back and let us all kill each other?
You were the plan.
No one else could touch him.
Once your eyes were opened, there was no other outcome.
Decisions were made, Tom,
- by powerful men with powerful secrets.
- Captain.
They were afraid of Jack.
They asked me to help.
One day, you will pass the Chief in the hall and he will give you a nod.
And you will know why.
Because you were right, Tom.
We do need you.

(ALARM buzzing)
(GROANS)
Yo, dawg.
Konnichiwa.
What?
Konnichiwa.
Konnichiwa means, "What's up?"
-So what the fuck's up?
-We know what it means.
Hey, you want a smoke?
You can read the paper through this, it's so clean.
A couple of hits, you'll be fucking like beasts.
-You boys like pussy, right?
-Hey!
Do we look like fucking tweakers to you?
-So you got the shit or not?
-Yeah. 
You?
What the fuck is this?
We said a machine gun.
It is a machine gun.
The kind you can carry.
Couldn't get none of those.
This baby's got character.
Korean War vintage.
Maybe even mowed down one of your grandpapa-sans when he was charging the wire at inch'on.
This is bullshit. lt's fucking stuck.
Fuck it, take the ride.
Three large. 
vin's clean.
Nigga, I drive a $1 00,000 car!
We want your faggoty-ass ride, we'll jack it from you.
Cool. 
Don't decide right now.
Konnichiwa is Japanese.
It's insulting to Koreans.
How am I supposed to tell if you can't?
What the fuck is that supposed to mean, white boy?
It means you got eyes like apostrophes, you dress white, talk black and drive Jew.
So, how am I supposed to know what kind of zipperhead, dog-munching dink you are if you don't?
Yo.
Do you know who the fuck we are?
Yeah.
You're a couple of panheads buying a machine gun out of a trunk.
(GRUNTlNG)
Wassup, you son of a bitch?
-Pick him up.
-Get your ass up.
I'm getting the shit out of here.
Give me the keys!
-Konnichiwa, bitch.
-Let's go!
(GROANS)
Where?
(GRUNTS)
(EXHALES)
It's okay.
I'm a cop.
(SNlFFLlNG)
(sobbing)
(WOMAN CHATTERING ON POLICE RADIO)
Captain Wander, congratulations on breaking the case.
Can you tell me how you found the twins?
Julie, my people had turned the city upside down looking for these girls.
I could not be prouder of my men.
officer: 
Ma'am, excuse me.
How can you shoot a guy taking a dump?
I mean, seriously. 
That... 
That's sacred.
That's like shooting a man in church.
Or a Dodger game.
Hey, whatever it takes to be a hero.
Anytime, anyplace, right, Lud?
It gets old.
I hate these short-eyed, kiddie-raping bastards.
At least kidnap some full-grown ladies with shapes.
Wow. 
Maybe you should check his closet next, huh, Lud?
The girls are being examined by a physician right now.
Both twins are in good health and will be reunited with their family shortly.
SANTOS: 
LA Times front page tomorrow is gonna say,
"Vice Detective Rescues Missing Twins."
Detective. 
Singular.
Yeah. 
Like we've been sitting around on our ass doing jack-shit in our unit the last month.
Hey! 
You two cut the shit.
The boss is on his way right now.
I mean, you could have saved some for us.
-l did you a solid, Santos.
-You did me a solid?
You want to see their faces every night?
You want to be a killer?
You know what? 
Shut the fuck up.
Hey, hey, what the hell is going on?
Hey! 
This is real professional.
What if I walked in here with the Chief, huh?
Santos, deploy your ass outside.
Find Ted Berman and make sure that that crime scene log is in order.
-Yes, sir.
-Run along, boy.
SANTOS: 
Shut the fuck up.
WANDER: 
Hey, secure that bullshit, all right? 
Both of you.
Clady, you take DeMille back to the barn and start writing.
I want something to red-pin by midnight.
Tell those body monkeys to get right in here.
You got it, Cap. 
Let's go.
(DOOR CLOSES)
This is crazy!
You fucked them up!
This is beautiful.
And that machine gun shit, that was perfect.
I know you hated waiting, but it's better this way.
-You all right?
-Yeah. I...
-l got shot.
-Yeah, but you okay?
Yeah, I'm okay, Jack.
'Cause I know you're not tripping about these...
These assholes right here?
Fuck them. 
Screw them.
You went toe-to-toe with evil and you won.
You saved those girls.
This is lovely, Tommy.
Come here. 
Come here, man.
Give me... 
Give me a hug!
Come on.
(TOM GROANS)
-Ribs are tender.
-What you hiding from?
-Nothing.
-What you hiding from?
You've been drinking.
You know that...
That thing they say about vodka?
How you can't smell it?
It's bullshit. 
The D.A.'s shooting team is en route right now.
And you're not ready for public consumption.
So, come on.
I want to get you to a hospital, get you away from all those guys.
Come on.
All right. 
Thanks, Jack.
I think we can do some damage control.
If it ain't LA's deadliest white boy.
Aren't you on the wrong side of the yellow tape?
Congrats on four more notches for your gun belt.
I'll be praying for the families of your victims.
They're called suspects.
The victims are the 14-year-old school girls the suspects kept in a cage and sold to chicken hawks to poke, prod and put on the Internet.
Suspects, Washington.
Suspects.
As evil as those men were, they had a right to trial.
There's gonna be some blowback from the Korean community on this one.
Now that you're all militant, why don't you just say it?
You think I'm a racist.
-You have another explanation?
-No, I don't.
Because if I roll and determine the suspects are black, yellow or brown, I'll blow them out of their socks.
But if they're white, I'll give them a ride home.
You know why? 
'Cause I'm a racist.
Fuck you.
Man, I would give my right arm to have that shit on tape.
What happened to you, Terrence?
We used to be brothers.
Hey, hey, stay on point.
Washington, you stay on point.
Always, Captain Wander. 
Always.
Tom. 
Come on, let's get you out of here.
-Don't go near that piece of shit.
-He's got it coming, Jack.
Do not go near him.
You stay away, far away.
-Fuck him.
-That's an order.
I'm waiting for Nurse Garcia.
I did the same thing with this girl once.
She was a waitress at a jazz bar.
And I'd sit in her section, wouldn't let anybody else serve me.
She'd change sections, I'd change tables.
Persistence. 
That's the key.
Wait a second.
You're that cop! 
You're...
I just seen your face on TV.
You rescued those twins in Koreatown, right?
Are you okay? 
Did you get shot?
No.
Yeah.
Who the hell are you?
Me? 
I sell insurance, life, auto, casualty.
Wow, that's some heavy shit, man.
So those guys, they...
They shot first, right?
Excuse me?
Whole city was looking for those kids.
How'd you find them?
That's my job.
(MAN CHATTERING ON POLICE RADIO)
WOMAN: 
Sergeant Green, Sergeant Green...
Excuse me, Captain.
Sorry to interrupt.
Deputy Chief Sorensen is trying to raise you on a simplex.
Insurance, Tom.
I sell insurance.
If you ever need any, and you will, why don't you give me a call?
No one has to know but us.
Not Clady, not Wander, no one.
(SCOFFS)
Listen, for your own good, don't get yourself so far out there that I can't reel you back.
See you sometime.
Who was that?
A cop who burns cops. 
Jesus.
-Who?
-Nobody, Grace.
-Hi.
-Hi.
Oh.
Hold this.
You know, you can just stop by sometime.
You don't have to get shot when you want to see me.
(groaning) Why? 
I like it like this.
Don't you?
No, I don't.
(TOM sighs) I don't.
No. 
Don't get close to me.
I work here.
I'm not losing my license for you.
-l'm a cop.
-No.
Whatever.
TOM: 
I kicked the door after identitying myself as a police officer.
Upon entry, I was fired upon by a suspect in the living room with a silver automatic.
I returned fire, he goes down.
Then I'm hit in the torso by shotgun fire from the second suspect.
Point of entry?
Front door on the west side of the structure.
officer: 
Why didn't you call for backup?
Exigent circumstances.
I heard screams emanating from the house and ascertained a crime was in progress.
(officers chattering)
-...saying something.
-Take care, Silk.
-lt was great working with you.
-Thanks a lot.
Now it's a party.
Oh, my goodness!
Now it's a binge, Captain.
-What's up, killer?
-Steady.
Steady. 
Yeah, he's in.
What's with you?
What, Clady give you a happy ending?
is that any way to address a commander?
I got the call from the Chief this morning.
Badge ceremony's next week.
Congratulations, boss.
Hey. 
We're gonna have the keys to the city.
You believe that shit?
They're crowning him king.
Let's get a toast to that.
A toast to the king!
-King Wander!
-King Wander!
Yo, boss.
Can I be your driver when you make chief?
WANDER: 
You got it. 
You got it.
Whatever you want.
You know, I owe you one, Tom.
That Park twins caper, that gave me the edge.
You know, the Chief, he's breaking tradition by promoting me here.
The first commander slot always goes to the head of internal Affeirs.
That's the way it is.
That's because they got so much dirt on everyone.
That's right, and they're always looking for more, huh?
Yeah.
You know this prick?
Came at me like Joe Concerned Citizen, asking procedural questions.
Yeah, yeah, we got a history, this little...
See, if you showed up during the daytime, you would know who your enemies are.
What'd you tell him?
I couldn't help myself, Clady.
I told him everything.
DeMlLLE: 
Attaboy!
You know, this is a typical Biggs bullshit move.
This is his M.O. He'll back-door you every fucking time.
Why is internal Affeirs up my ass all of a sudden?
It's Washington, brother.
Your ex-partner's been snitching.
Holy shit.
Jack, talk to me.
Washington's had several meetings with Captain Biggs over the last few weeks.
There are no secrets in the department.
So, when I became cognizant of the problem, we threw a tail on him.
I followed this guy Eastside, Westside, Southside.
Next thing I know, he's ringing Biggs' doorbell in Upland.
Who's Washington giving up?
You, Tom.
-Me. 
Why now?
-Yeah.
Because I shitcanned him from the unit and he's a vindictive bastard.
Now he's on a mission to pull the rug out from under all my best guys.
All my best guys.
That's what this shit is about.
CLADY: 
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
-CLADY: 
Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy!
-Man!
Tommy, hey, that's your life.
-That's your life right there.
-l'm just gonna talk...
-No, you're not. 
You're not.
-You want to talk?
Let's talk about my foot up your ass if you don't sit the fuck down
-in that goddamn chair.
-He's all right. 
Have a seat.
Come on. 
He's all right.
WANDER: 
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Do not, and I repeat, do not hand Washington your badge.
I know you two have done some dirt together.
But we gotta hold the line, you and me.
We've been here before, haven't we?
When the gates of hell opened up on you, Tom?
And I took care of you then.
I'm gonna take care of you now.
All right?
Okay. 
Okay.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC BLARING ON CAR STEREO)
Washington. 
Washington.
-Drop it, Tom! 
Now!
-What the hell are you doing?
(panting)
-You going to kill me, partner?
-You're crazy! 
We got a 21 1 in progress!
I got you, I got you and Wander.
Listen to me, you idiot!
We got two gangbangers rolling in hot!
(GUN firing)
Shit!
(washington gasping)
Washington, stay with me, partner.
(police siren wailing)
(BRAKES squealing)
(WOMAN OHATTERING ON POLIOE RADIO)
-Don't move! 
Let me see your hands!
-l'm a cop.
I'm a cop! 
I'm a fucking cop!
Fuck. it's Ludlow.
Get me an ambulance. 
Now.
Holy shit.
He's a cop, too?
Yeah.
WANDER: 
Where's the video?
-Who else has seen this shit?
-Just us, boss.
It was a straight 21 1 that went sideways.
It's not what it was, Lud.
It's what it looks like.
But it's not what it looks like.
-lt's not.
-That's all there is, Tom!
What it looks like! 
What everybody sees!
You knew that!
Lud, anybody in the department sees this video, you're no longer a cop, do you understand that?
The department? 
The D.A. sees this...
He's... 
He's going to prison.
Why? 
Because Washington was in the wrong place at the wrong time?
No, because you were.
Washington's problems are over, yours are just beginning.
Try to think two moves ahead for once.
Captain Biggs will say that you got two thugs off the street and went after a cop who was diming you out to internal Affeirs.
It writes itself.
-l was just gonna break his jaw.
-That's a good answer.
I gave you a direct order, stay away from him.
Give me your goddamn burner now.
Give me your goddamn burner!
We know you don't give a shit about yourself, Lud. 
That's pretty obvious.
But you gotta think about the unit.
-You really fucked us on this one.
-Clady.
-Give me a minute, please.
-Yes, sir.
I can't afford to lose you.
Who'd do what you do?
You are the tip of the fucking spear.
Who's gonna hold back the animals?
Maybe the clerk
forgot to put the disk in the recorder today.
Maybe you were first on the scene, Tom, and you rendered aid to Washington.
I'll go outside.
Make some calls.
And maybe, this won't be here when I get back.
TOM: 
He was my partner back in the day.
We were black and white in a black and white when it was still a big deal.
White cops wouldn't back us 'cause of him and the black cops 'cause of me.
Fuck them.
We made it.
Sorry. 
You tried to save him.
You did your best.
My best?
I was curled up in a ball while he got shot.
We should have dumped those guys.
How can they just wave a pen and change what happens just like that?
We're the police.
We can do whatever the hell we want.
Doesn't matter what happens.
It's how we write it up.
What about the truth?
What about it?
You have to honor him, your friend.
"Honor him"?
I was going to knock him out and he thought I was going to kill him.
Prick.
Don't turn your back on him.
Good can come from bad.
In my world, the real world, the bad breeds more bad, Grace.
See this? 
It's done. lt's over.
It's taken care of. 
All right?
I won't give you another dose here, but got a set of blues in your locker?
-No.
-Here's the thing.
-l gotta bury you.
-Not that.
In a nice, politically correct spot until this Washington thing settles down a little bit.
No, Jack.
supervisor: 
Your job is to conduct preliminary interviews of the complainant.
If there's a specific allegation against an officer, write it up, forward it to internal Affeirs.
Now, the temptation is to be a good brother cop.
Don't be. 
None of this shit's going anywhere anyway.
There's your desk.
Suppose l get a complaint against myself?
(CHUCKLES)
Write it up and forward it. 
Okay?
-Okay.
-Okay.
You have a complaint?
Motherfucker beat my ass like I was Rodney King, man.
Except there wasn't no video.
Dude looked just like you.
But black.
This ass been working longer than all y'all cops disrespecting me.
He pulled me out of my ride, homes, disrespected me in front of my old lady.
Tried to get her number and shit.
You get his badge number or see his nametag?
Not with his boot on my throat and his partner kicking me.
No, it was a little bit difficult.
Everybody comes here, they have a complaint.
They sit down.
I done waited for my fucking five hours and you gonna ask me, do I have a complaint?
Obviously, I have a complaint.
You know what? 
This is some bullshit.
That's why I hate all these motherfucking cops.
Fuck all y'all!
Wander has got a sense of humor, I'll give him that.
You have a complaint?
Where to begin?
The black band.
Man down. 
Hurts, right?
Losing a colleague. 
Brother in blue.
I'm sorry he's gone, sir.
You two worked Vice Special together.
Pushed a black and white in Southend.
Phonebook Tom, the last of the ghetto gunfighters.
I heard you got your best confession with a '91 directory.
You know Washington was holding the asshole down.
is this an interview?
Just a little back and forth.
Well, Captain, I'm not much of a dancer, so if there's something you'd like to ask...
Want to go and get some lunch, Tom?
This is the interview.
Regarding yesterday's incident, you were the first on scene, correct?
Yes, sir.
-Three shooters, right?
-Two. 
Read the report.
What would you say if I told you the pathologist recovered three different calibers from Terrence Washington's body?
Sounds like three shooters to me.
What were you doing there, Tom?
Come on, man to man. 
Tape's off.
Damn it!
It doesn't bother you that there are two cop killers out there?
Living, laughing, fucking?
It doesn't bother you, Tom?
Yes, it bothers me!
So, why'd you let them get away, gunfighter?
Hey, let's get something straight, Captain, nobody's getting away.
What happened to the video from the store?
What video?
Listen to me. 
Every time you shit the bed,
Wander's there to change the sheets.
Well, not anymore, son.
I'm going to pour gas on you, I'm going to pour gas on Wander and everyone in Vice Special.
Then I'm lighting the match and I'm gonna burn all of you.
I tried to save you, Detective Ludlow.
Your window's closed.
And that third shooter?
He's mine, so help me God.
WANDER: 
Get back in your office!
-WOMAN: 
Captain, you there?
-l'll call you back.
What the fuck are you doing in my office?
What the fuck are you doing jamming my people at lunch?
If you got a problem with Ludlow, you come to me.
You keep your dog on a leash.
Everybody knows he can't make a move without you.
You go cry to Daddy?
Stop right there.
Stop.
Tom is a damn fine cop.
He bleeds blue.
You got an open case on him?
Vice Special?
You got one on me?
You formally investigating us?
This is a fishing expedition.
Because you know if you went to the Chief and you asked him to open a case on me or anybody in my unit, he would laugh you out of his office.
Listen to me, you piece of shit.
I have watched you intimidate, bully and blackmail your way up through the pay grades for 20 plus years.
I know exactly what you are.
You've got no business being a commander.
You like Tom, don't you?
I saw the way you watched him when he came in.
That's why you follow him around, you want him to give you a blow job.
Like that hooker I caught you with when we were sergeants.
-You remember?
-Shut up, Jack.
Does your wife know that you use prostitutes, Jimmy?
It was the best head I ever had.
And what about you, Jack?
You always found it hard to keep your prick out of the ghetto.
It's a two-way street, buddy.
You can't ride the tiger forever.
Now get the hell out of my office.
Do the department a favor, and wash your mouth out with buckshot.
Come on, Tom. 
Let's get out of here.
From his time on the street to his time in your schools and homes,
Detective Washington was tireless in his devotion to his church, his love for his family, and his dedication to this department.
Uniform Detail. 
Atten-hut!
officer: 
Honor Guard, port arms!
Half right face!
Ready, aim, fire!
Aim, fire!
Uniform Detail, present arms!
(TRUMPET playing TAPS)
MAN: 
He was a good guy. 
We'll miss him.
We'll go back to work now. 
Back to work.
-Listen, that was a nice speech. 
Thank you.
-Let's go get them.
Thank you, sir.
Mrs. Washington.
I was first on scene.
Yeah, of course you were.
Excuse me.
You Diskant?
Yeah.
You're working Washington?
Yeah.
You know who I am?
Yes.
You planning on interviewing me?
(CLEARS THROAT)
You're on my list.
Well, let's get rolling. 
Where do I start?
Gang books? 
Mug shots? 
21 1 reports?
If you want.
Come on, Diskant, you've worked a homicide before.
I'm two for two.
(sighs)
Okay, two for two, you got a ballistics report?
No. 
The bullets are still at the coroner's.
Yeah, but they're giving you updates, right?
They tell you how many different calibers they dug out of Washington?
-What do you want?
-How many?
Goodbye, Detective.
(DlSKANT dialing)
-Harry!
-Hey.
I thought you were dead.
I'm from Vice Special.
CORONER: 
Tom Ludlow.
I know who you are.
I handled your wife's autopsy.
-That was you?
-Mmm-hmm.
The asshole. 
Remember?
Right.
The guy who washed away all the hair and fiber evidence.
The guy who wouldn't do a vaginal swab.
The guy who left me nothing to go on.
It's not my job to investigate adultery.
How can I help you?
-Pulled these out of Washington?
-Yup.
Eighteen rounds.
Ten .45-caliber full metal jackets.
Seven 9-mil fmjs.
And a single .38 hollow-point mushroomed against his scapula.
Serious overkill.
He must have really pissed off the shooters.
DlSKANT: 
Get what you're looking for?
Hi, I'm Detective Diskant.
We spoke on the phone earlier.
-l'm here for the ballistics evidence.
-How you doing?
DlSKANT: 
Thank you.
When can I expect your report?
CORONER: 
Give me about an hour or so.
The lab's backlogged today.
-Thanks. 
Can you fax it to my office?
-Sure can.
Thank you, Doc.
Diskant, talk to me.
You got three different calibers, that means three weapons.
What's your take on what went down in that market?
Two bad guys come in the front door to rob the place.
One of them sees the clerk, cuts him in half.
The other one sees Washington, whose weapon is already drawn, empties his clip into him.
His buddy joins the party till he runs dry.
And one of them pulls a two-incher, pumps a final "fuck you" round into Washington's back.
They leave, you show up after they're gone.
You got it all figured out.
I got your back here, but you got to keep your distance and let me work this case.
No one's gonna find these assholes.
is that what you need to hear from me?
Are you fucking kidding me?
They get a pass, you get a pass.
That's the deal, right?
What are you talking about, the shooters get a pass?
I don't understand, Clady said you were on board.
Not with this.
What's the deal, are you throwing this case for a promotion?
If I were you, I'd be more worried about yourself.
Hey, you piece of shit!
You got a 1 87 on a peace officer and you're fucking letting the suspects walk!
-You want these guys found?
-That doesn't piss you off?
-So they can put you at the store?
-Doesn't it piss you off?
Place you at the store before the shooting?
You want to catch a felony for obstruction?
If I say you weren't there, you weren't there.
This is your mess and I'm cleaning it up.
Yeah, it pisses me off!
(CELL PHONE ringing)
Diskant.
Yeah.
Yes. 
Hang on one second.
All right, go ahead.
All right, thank you. 
Bye-bye.
Fremont and Coates.
The lab found saliva on a cigarette butt and the bandana outside the store.
DNA corresponds to those two names.
Congratulations, you lDed the shooters.
Yeah. 
Normally, I'd be pretty happy.
Pull their rap sheets. 
Give me copies.
I'll see you around.
Computer says you arrested these guys.
Fremont and Coates.
Good guys. 
Say hi for me.
You remember them?
Who can forget?
Heroin dealers with a taste for blood.
Came up from Belize to make a sale and they liked the Southland so much, they never left.
Yeah. 
We hooked these two fine gentlemen on a rape-mutilation caper.
Seems they had a three-day hostage-fest with this cute little Guatemalan chick that they snatched up when she was walking home from dental school.
They hurt her bad.
-Then why are they on the street?
-SANTOS: 
They walked from the beef.
One of our own felt we violated Mr. Coates' and Mr. Fremont's civil rights and told the City Attorney.
-Washington dimed you out?
-Yep.
Why do you think they put the dude in Community Relations?
Are you shitting me?
Washington kicked loose the very guys who whacked him?
Damn ironic, isn't it?
Oh, guys! 
What is this, a garage sale?
How you doing, Lud? 
What's this? 
Why...
Lud, why do you have this?
Those are the shitbags who popped Washington.
Sarge, we can get these guys.
No, no.
Not if you want to keep your badge.
Besides, these two animals?
These guys, they'll take care of each other.
They'll be dead by the end of the week.
Probably shoot each other's fucking faces off, knowing these two.
You know how that shit works.
This week's suspects, next week's victims, right?
Yeah, right.
(banging ON DOOR)
What the hell are you doing here, Tom?
Let's talk.
I'm sick of this shit, man.
It's the same damn song for three years.
Crying about your wife.
She's gone, Tom.
What's it gonna take to bring you back from Mars?
Have I ever asked you for anything?
You know what?
You ask me for shit all the time.
Big things, Jack. important things.
What's up, Tom?
Give me a green light to take out the assholes who did Washington.
Come on, Jack. 
King's X.
What the hell is this?
I can lay them out like I did those Koreans, but off the books.
I'm talking shovels and trash bags.
Who's gonna know? 
Who's gonna care?
The Koreans?
That... 
That was business.
This? 
This is some crazy bullshit rattling around in that drunk-ass mind of yours.
Look at yourself!
Look at yourself, Tom! 
You're a mess!
When did you start drinking today?
Your little airplane bottles of vodka?
And you drove over here intoxicated.
You want a second dui?
No one's going to fuck with me, Jack!
You're not listening to me!
You're not listening to me!
No, you listen to me!
This is much bigger than that.
Do you think Biggs is stupid?
He's got a PhD in catching cops slipping.
You know this. 
You know all this.
You got to hold your mud.
Can you do that?
It's time to turn the page and close the book.
They took $200?
I... 
I forgot about it till I saw this.
That's the man.
That's him.
He took all my pay.
Said it was for the cookie jar.
The cookie jar?
That's what he said.
(knocking ON DOOR)
I'll be right back.
What do you want, Disco?
Washington was dirty.
He was a piece of shit.
Why are you telling me this?
I think you know why.
I know why.
-Are you recording this, huh?
-That's a new phone.
You working for internal Affeirs?
You made one deal.
Maybe you made two.
Captain Biggs flip you to the dark side, punk?
You know what?
They're right about you.
You are fucking out there.
From now on, you stay away from me.
We don't talk.
All right, hold on, Disco. 
Hold on. 
Hold on.
I gotta watch my own back these days, you know?
Come on. 
Don't be mad.
Washington was dirty.
Hit me, princess.
Go on.
A couple things.
You know we found $50,000 in cash on him at the store.
No, I didn't. 
That's a lot of cash, but not in itself damning.
Oh, but this is.
Looks like an evidence tag.
I found it in Washington's truck.
I had sid scan it.
Corresponds to a kilo of heroin.
Guess who comes along and signs out the dope?
Washington?
Washington signed out heroin and returned brown sugar.
The guys who whacked him moved dope.
You know, Washington sprung them from a rape beef on a technicality.
No, I did not know that.
Maybe they had a business arrangement.
Maybe it was a hit.
That would explain the heavy artillery.
Washington deserved it, right?
He was dirty, so fuck him.
I feel much better about the suspects walking.
And you, you must feel better too, right?
We're doing the right thing.
No shame if you want to take your pass.
This has to be you and me.
Why do you think we're in the goddamn bathroom?
This is it. 
Last known address.
(DOGS barking)
(speaking spanish)
Okay.
A family here now.
Our boys are long gone.
(HIP-HOP MUSIO PLAYING ON STEREO)
All right, Disco.
See those yahoos? 
I'm going to jam them.
And when I do, one of them is gonna bolt.
That's the one that's dirty.
You bored or something?
This is their hood.
Anyone knows Fremont and Coates, they do.
Hold this, mija.
Get him.
MAN: 
Get out of here, Supercut!
(MEN shouting)
(CHATTERlNG)
Fuck off.
You're in the wrong neighborhood, homes.
MAN: 
Watch out! 
Watch out!
Move!
MAN: 
Yo, run, homie!
(tires screeching)
(panting)
Yo, Spencer.
(tires screeching)
(GRUNTS)
(screaming)
I had him.
Why you running, man?
(gasping) Hey, get me the fuck down, man. 
This shit's cutting me, man!
-Get me the fuck down, man!
-What else?
What else? 
What else?
What the fuck are you doing?
So, what do they call ya?
They call me...
They call me fucking Quicks, man.
-Quicks? 
Not quick enough.
-Quick.
Hey, get me the fuck down, homes.
Please, man, this shit's cutting me, dawg.
Fremont and Coates.
They were staying across from the house you were partying at.
You know them?
I don't fucking know them fools, man!
I'm a fucking Southsider, all right, ese?
I don't be fucking party with no brothers and shit.
Man, what the fuck you doing?
-They're from Belize.
-Shit!
-Who knows them? 
Who knows them?
-All right!
Who knows them?
Look, mother... 
Hey, motherfucker, come on. 
All right, dawg. 
Look, look.
Check this out, man.
There's a baller cat on San Pedro, all right?
Dude's name is Grill, man.
He's from 40s town, ese.
-Grill. 40s town.
-All right. 
Yeah.
Grill, man. 
That motherfucker, he knows all of them, all right, man.
Hey! 
Hey!
What about him?
-He's lucky he's not going to jail.
-Hey. 
Come on, man.
-l'll run Grill through CALGANG.
-Hey!
-See if I can get an address.
-Hey, fucking white boys.
MAN ON TV: 
He's way better than you!
Housemates, report to the backyard.
WOMAN ON TV: 
This is a badminton challenge between us and the original cast of Drawn Together.
MAN ON TV: 
Prepare to be transformed into a bunch of losers.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Fuck, man.
Let's make these guys eat shuttIecock.
-Hey, can we get this game going already?
-Shit!
Police! 
Drop it!
(GRUNTlNG)
Get on your face!
grill: 
What the fuck i do, man?
Get your ass in here, Disco.
grill: 
Somebody tell me what the fuck i did, man.
TOM: 
Shut up.
(sighs)
Shit!
You got two strikes, Grill.
This is three strikes. 
Twenty-five to life.
That ain't my fucking shit. 
Fuck you.
You put that shit there.
Dirty-ass, punk-ass cop.
Ah, man!
Whoa! 
Oh! 
What are you...
-Whoa. 
Whoa! 
Ludlow!
-Shit!
What the fuck, man?
(GROANS)
Whoa! 
Whoa! 
Stop!
Fuck, man. 
Listen to your boy, man. 
Shit!
Don't you have to ask him something first?
Homie right, man. 
Aren't you supposed to ask me some shit first?
Fremont and Coates, where they at?
Fuck, man. 
Stop hitting me on my fucking head first and I'll tell you.
Where do they fucking stay?
You're fucking crazy, man.
I don't know where they at.
Cats have been banned from the hood for a minute, man.
If I catch them slipping, I'm gonna bust they motherfucking head.
Answer the fucking question!
How do we find them?
The only cats I know that know them is up in the County, man. 
High power.
-l'm going to book you into County.
-For what, man? 
For what?
(choking)
Talk to your friends, find me Fremont and Coates and you'll be out by tomorrow.
Otherwise, I'm gonna book you for the dope and AK.
Fuck, man! 
Fuck, man!
(GROANS)
I ain't no fucking snitch, man.
I know that.
There won't be no jacket, no papers.
It's just you and me.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, man!
Come on, they ain't nothing to you.
I want them.
All right, man. 
Fuck it, man.
Mrs. Washington.
Can we talk outside?
Terrence had $50,000 in cash on him.
His death might be more than just wrong place, wrong time.
(SCOFFS)
Might be?
How many people knew he was talking to internal Affeirs?
My husband had a good heart.
And when he started listening to it, he became a pariah.
His eyes opened.
When will your eyes open?
Terrence always said you were the worst one.
Because with all the shit going on around you, you choose not to see.
-Look, I came here to help you.
-Help me?
You came to help yourself sleep at night.
That $50,000, you think Terrence was stupid?
He knew he had a bull's-eye on his back the second he went to Captain Biggs.
So we sold our house.
We were leaving Friday for the Bahamas.
To start over.
Silly of us, wasn't it?
Anything else, Detective?
No.
(LAUGHS) Lud!
What the fuck?
-Hey. 
How's Complaints?
-Just missed your wife.
-Oh. 
She was here? 
That's cute.
-Yeah.
I got something for you.
That's for you.
-ls that it?
-That's it.
Yeah. 
That's it.
You keep it.
A nice little souvenir for yourself.
But, Tom, this is... I mean, it's over.
Tom, this is over.
We got your back, Tom.
(CELL PHONE ringing)
-Yeah.
-lt's your man in high power.
-l got that name.
-Fire away.
It's this OG dude.
Sell a little of this, little of that.
Drive an old-ass Cadillac.
-Name.
-scribble. 
They call him scribble.
His real name's Winston or some shit.
I don't know.
-Man, get me up out of here.
-lt's on its way.
DlSKANT: 
I can't believe this shit worked.
Scribble. lt's catchy.
I got a Metro unit tailing him.
Go get him, Disco.
-Make me proud.
-You're not coming?
-Whoa! 
Whoa! 
Whoa! 
Watch it! 
Watch it!
-You married, Diskant?
Engaged. 
And I'd like to see her again.
Hey, you ever hear of something called the "cookie jar"
in reference to corruption, shakedowns, Serpico shit?
No. 
Why?
A complaint I'm working on.
OFFIOER ON RADIO: 
We're eastbound on Vernon passing Fig.
Do you want us to jam them?
That's a negative. 
Just keep eyes on and call it out. 
We're en route.
Watch the crosswalk!
MAN: 
Hey!
There he is.
We got him. 
Break off.
OFFIOER ON RADIO: 
That's a rog.
(THIS IS LOS ANGELES PLAYING ON CAR STEREO)
MAN: (RAPPING) What the fuck, nigga?
Dub-O, you better duck, nigga
Shit.
I was raised in the hood called what the fuck, nigga
Hands where l can see them!
What the hell y'all supposed to be, man?
Narcs?
Yeah, we're narcs.
Look how pinned out your eyes are.
Taking a little off the top?
Little jones maintenance?
You need to kick that shit.
I got a lawyer. 
You might want to talk to him. I got his card.
You, wake up. 
Nothing's happened yet.
But fyi, you know you got a no-bail warrant.
I put the cuffs on now, you're locked up until the apocalypse.
Well, whatever, man.
I mean, take me in right now, dawg.
I mean, read me my Mirandas.
Put your hands back on the fucking wheel!
Yo, two for two!
Watch those fucking jokers.
Get back! 
Get the fuck back!
What the fuck you looking at, white boy?
Get the fuck back!
You really want to kick heroin in County?
Want to see the judge all sick, shitting and puking yourself?
That would look real good. 
And for what?
You're just a rung on a ladder I'm climbing.
What ladder, man?
How do I find Fremont and Coates?
Look, I ain't got no love for them banana boat motherfuckers, man.
But them dudes are straight monsters.
They'll put me in a box if they think I'm snitching.
I'm not asking to finger the guys in open court.
I just want to find them.
Once I do, you're out of the mix.
I ain't seen them in a week, man.
You got a number?
No, I ain't got no number.
Them dudes drop phones all the time.
They call me, man.
Look man, your man making me nervous back here. 
Could you...
Look at me. 
Look at me!
You wanna see that judge or you gonna help me find them?
Look, I did business with them one time in El Sereno.
Little bitty-ass house way up in the hills.
That's it.
Show me.
You expect me to leave my car in the hood, man?
Someone had a party.
Smell that?
Want me to put it out?
No. 
Get the murder book.
This is Fremont.
And this is his buddy, Coates.
We found them.
Great.
Case closed.
These guys have been here a while.
There's no way they killed Washington.
You think?
Fuck you. I'm doing my best.
If Fremont and Coates didn't kill Washington, who did?
Who're we chasing?
The assholes who smoked these guys, harvested their DNA and planted it in the market. 
That's who.
I'm with you.
But why do you frame two dead dudes?
We're going to ask them.
Let's go.
What's up, man?
You know there's coyotes out here and shit, right?
Y'all been gone a minute.
You know these guys?
No, man. I ain't never seen these dudes.
Look, if Fremont and Coates call you, set up a meeting.
You tell them I can do for them what Washington can't anymore.
They'll know what you mean.
All right, man. I'll hook it up.
-Will you take me back to my car?
-Sure.
(AGUANiLE playing)
-Have a nice swim?
-Yeah.
(laughing)
(CHATTERlNG)
WANDER: 
I hope you guys are playing nice with the new girl.
-ls Tom taking care of you?
-l take care of him.
WANDER: 
Yeah?
GRACE: 
Yeah.
How's Complaints, Lud?
ALL: 
Oh!
(ALL laughing) I'd rather scrape up body parts at a traffic collision.
See, Tommy falls apart when he's not chasing bad guys.
He's always been like that.
He was born without the fear gene.
I could tell you some stories.
-Tell me!
-No, no, we don't kiss and tell around here.
Now, I got the classic Tom Ludlow story.
When he was a rookie, I took him under my wing.
It was a Friday night, and we're in Crip City, it's a project in Watts.
Lots of dope, shootings, whatever, what have you.
So, we get this call to shut down this house party.
And Tom, he's like the saltiest boot ever, so I figured, you know, let's...
Let's give him a lesson in humility.
So I send him in there.
Alone.
(laughing) And all of a sudden, all hell breaks loose, right?
They got guys coming out the doors, homeboys flying out the windows...
Everybody's screaming inside.
I rush in, I charge in, and there's Tom, busting heads.
They wouldn't turn the music down.
Tom's always gonna be Tom.
He's like a guided missile.
Locks on, that's it.
(CELL PHONE buzzing)
-Yeah?
-DISKANT: 
Hey, so I just talked to scribble.
Fremont and Ooates, or whoever they are, want to meet us.
-When?
-Tonight.
I'll see you in Vice in an hour.
I know it's late. I'm sorry.
I wanted you to have this.
And that is?
It's the video of your husband's murder.
It shows everything.
Why are you doing this?
Because I know how not knowing hurts.
When I lost my wife, she was with another man.
She had a blood clot in her brain and it burst.
The bastard dumped her outside a hospital and...
She died alone on the sidewalk.
Linda, I'm sorry for wanting to hurt Terrence and I'm sorry for your loss.
I want you to know he didn't die alone, and that the men who killed him are gonna pay.
That won't bring him back.
And that won't bring your wife back.
I don't care.
Not in my name.
Please. 
Not in my name.
Blood doesn't wash away blood.
Shouldn't we roll with backup?
-Fuck backup.
-What? 
Why?
What do you think is gonna happen tonight?
You think I'm gonna throw the cuffs on these boys, drag them back to the barn and write it up?
Here's the deal.
I'm going out there and you're going home.
And we are never, ever gonna discuss any of this again.
What? 
What do you mean?
It means Fremont and Coates never existed, and we never met.
I'm not going home tonight, Tom.
Look, Paul.
This thing you want, that you think you want, you don't want.
You don't know who I am or what I want.
Who are you to judge me?
You want to be a gunfighter, huh?
Then let's do it.
Back on the night watch, Tom?
You two keep being seen all over town.
Tom?
Did you really think I was gonna do nothing about you?
If you are gonna do something, do it now.
I know you want my scalp nailed to your wall.
But then who's gonna go where the law won't?
You, Captain?
You? 
You going to clean up the needles and baby parts?
No.
You need me.
All you company men, you hate me, but you need me.
(sighs) Ludlow, maybe you're right.
Maybe we do need you.
But goddamn if you don't need me, son.
Hey, Detective.
Did you ever ask yourself if Washington's dead because he was dirty or because he came clean?
Swap your rounds out.
We don't want the coroner digging department-issue ammo out of these assholes.
Use the gloves.
Jesus.
These are some serious manstoppers.
So we're just gonna go in there and kill them?
No. I'm gonna ask them some questions.
Then we're gonna kill them.
Fucking time, man.
We good?
You know it's some bullshit, right?
These dudes is monsters, man.
I mean, if they can't fuck it, rob it or kill it, they don't want it.
Ready?
Yeah.
Make the introduction.
All right. I tried to tell you.
(BLOODY WAR playing)
MAN: (RAPPING) feeling like Vietnam
Murdering uncle Toms I'm crunk like I'm ill John
I'm a wizard waving...
(banging ON DOOR)
Get the fuck in here.
You. 
Move to the fucking wall.
What the hell is this?
You know we're cops. 
Deal with it.
-They cool, LaShawn.
-Shut the fuck up, Scribble.
Get in there.
Yo! 
You think I'm fucking playing?
Get your ass against the wall before you find your brains up there.
We're here to do business.
You want to feel me up, come on and try it.
Oh, shit. 
You want to feel his shit?
'Cause he ain't taking it out for you.
Chill the fuck out, LaShawn.
Scribble say they good.
Scribs, what's up with these fools, man?
They good, man. 
They cool.
Nigga, take a seat.
Get the fuck in there!
You want a drink?
No, we're good.
Man, we got the one-time up in here.
-Mmm-hmm.
-Motherfucking po-po.
is there any square cops out there?
Or is everybody out for theirs?
Everyone's out for theirs.
Way of the world.
Dude, cops are like weeds.
You pull one out, and two more fucking grow back.
Well, Washington got greedy.
Don't shoot me now.
I'm just gonna get something out of my pocket.
This is just a sample.
We're all about weight.
We can help you transport, let you know if there's heat, let you know if you're selling to a narc or a snitch.
Or bust people and sell you their shit.
(CHUCKLES)
(DlSKANT exclaims)
We all about weight, too.
Look at that shit. 
That's sexy right there.
That's better than pussy.
That's better than money.
That ain't no Mexican tar, neither.
That's that worldwide-war-on-terror dope, nigga.
Pure Afghan, homie.
Blood, we know this cat.
It's the same motherfucker that was in the market the day we pushed Washington's wig back.
Hell, yeah.
That was you, right?
scribble: 
Come on, man. 
Cool, man.
Y'all just chill out, man.
All right?
I see where this is going, all right?
Everybody just be cool, man.
We got all these drugs here.
Let's just get high.
I'm gonna pour me some...
Shut your fat ass up.
That's what you here for, dawg?
You here to get some get-back for that sorry-ass nigga, Detective Ludlow?
No. 
You guys did me a favor.
So you know who I am and I know who you're not.
If you're not Fremont and Coates, then who the hell are you?
Who are we,
Detective?
We straight nightmares.
We are walking, talking, exigent circumstances.
Ludlow, wait! 
I know these guys!
(SCREAMS)
It's over, Detective!
Shit.
I'm gonna do your bitch-ass like my nigga did your partner!
Hold on, Diskant. 
Hang on.
Scribble, what the fuck is you doing?
Nigga, pick that gun up and blast that motherfucker!
It ain't me, dawg.
(SCREAMS)
The next one's in your dome, nigga!
Winston, don't do it.
Winston? 
Winston, what the fuck is that?
That's your slave name, nigga?
Do it, nigga! 
Man, kill that white boy!
You white, man? 
Kill that white boy!
I can't, man.
Fuck this nigga!
I'm out, dawg. 
Cover me. 
Come on.
Hang on, Diskant.
Hang on.
(SCREAMS)
(GRUNTlNG)
(panting)
(SPLUTTERlNG)
(DlSKANT SPLUTTERS)
(knocking ON DOOR)
(GRACE EXHALES)
-Let me see you.
-Why are you crying?
Take that off.
Sit down, Tom.
It went bad, Grace.
I know. I know.
I should have gone alone.
I took a boy to a gunfight.
(GRACE SNlFFLES)
Why are you crying?
What's wrong?
WOMAN ON TV: 
In our coverage of tonight's top story,
Detective Tom LudIow, an 18-year veteran of the Los angeles police Department, is wanted in connection with the shooting deaths of two undercover deputy sheriffs in the early hours of the morning.
officials have yet to confirm a third victim, who may also be a peace officer.
In addition, they have stated Detective LudIow was off-duty at the time of the shootings, and is the only suspect in yet another tragedy...
-Cops.
-...in the Los angeles law enforcement.
MAN ON TV: 
Reports continue to bring you...
How do they know that?
That they were cops?
I just left. lt's on the news?
Did you do it?
Of course you did it.
I had no idea they were deputies.
But I should have.
"Exigent circumstances." Jesus.
What is wrong with you?
Huh? 
Why can't you have a normal life like everyone else?
-l should go.
-No. 
No.
You're not going out there.
This is gonna be a nightmare, Grace.
I've got to go.
No. 
No, Tom. 
This door is staying closed.
Every cop in LA is hunting for you.
You want to get killed?
Grace. 
Grace.
You need to get away from me. 
Okay?
You need to get far away.
Everything I touch dies.
Down on the fucking floor!
-On the fucking floor, now!
-l'm not resisting!
Don't say a fucking word.
-No, please.
-Shut up.
Get up.
You're an asshole. 
You're going down.
Killed two fucking cops.
What's the matter with you?
Get that piece of shit out of here.
-Downtown's the other way.
-SANTOS: 
We're not going downtown.
Where are we going?
That bitch of yours is fine.
-What?
-So is Washington's widow.
You're fucking them both, huh?
(SANTOS LAUGHS)
-Which one you feeling, Dante?
-l like Linda.
SANTOS: 
You shouldn't have given her the video, Lud.
What the fuck were you thinking?
You handed that bitch a death sentence.
What the hell are you talking about?
We've been watching you, asshole.
How many times were you told to let it go? 
Hmm? 
How many?
Cool, homes. 
Don't get him going.
Hey, fuck him!
Look what he's making us do.
Smug fucking punk.
Did you figure it out, Lud? 
Huh?
How did Fremont and Coates make it to the market that day?
After Washington got them kicked loose, you picked them back up.
Took them to the hills and popped their melons, right?
You should be a detective.
We took some DNA samples first.
Got a little hair, little spit. 
Voila!
Fremont and Coates did it.
Who signed out the dope?
It wasn't Washington.
You.
They were gonna incinerate it.
Might as well sell and make a dollar out of it, you know?
For you or the cookie jar?
You're not that smart, Santos.
Who was in?
Silky? 
Clady?
Wander.
(sighs) lt's a Wander caper all the way.
He's the only one who could pull those strings.
He should have pulled your string years ago.
We couldn't figure out why the fuck he kept you around all this time.
Man, he's Jack's little pet.
Been doing the man's dirty missions for years.
Washington wasn't giving me up to Biggs.
He was giving up the big dog.
He was giving up the king.
Wander played your fool ass, puto.
We all have.
You're a fucking chump, bro.
Washington's killers, they really cops?
Yeah, they were.
Couple of deputies from the ghetto having the time of their lives.
And making us a lot of money.
-They were supposed to punch your ticket.
-But you punched theirs.
Yeah. 
Now we gotta punch yours.
-Up in the hills.
-Up in the hills, brother.
First, we bag your hair, saliva and blood.
When they find Linda Washington's corpse, guess whose DNA's gonna be all over it?
And what is it gonna look like?
Like you finally snapped, just like everyone knew you would.
That little nurse of yours, Lud?
You know, I'm popping a hundred milli Viagra and I'm gonna work that little brown ass.
Then I'm gonna break her neck.
(DeMlLLE screaming)
(tires screeching)
Get that fucking cuff out of my mouth, motherfucker! 
You...
Get that piece of shit!
SANTOS: 
Fuck you, motherfucker!
You little motherfucker!
Shoot that motherfucker!
Motherfucker!
(TOM GROANS)
Well, hello there, handsome.
Did you have a nice nap?
(groaning)
Santos! 
Your girlfriend's getting away!
(chuckling)
What are you doing, Lud?
You crawling to your own grave?
Watch me play with this fool.
(speaking spanish)
(SANTOS WHOOPS)
(GRUNTlNG)
Oh!
(EXCLAlMlNG)
Legger!
SANTOS: 
Yeah!
Who's the boy now, motherfucker? 
Huh?
Homeboy's gonna bury himself.
Just do the fucking puto and let's go.
(panting)
So this is it, Lud.
-This is how it ends.
-DeMille, what the fuck? 
Let's go, bro!
Shut up! 
I'm having fun!
(TOM GRUNTS)
(SHOUTS)
(GRUNTlNG)
(panting)
Where? 
Where is the fucking disk?
Huh?
Where's the disk?
Okay.
(gasping)
Come here.
You're a lot tougher than that piece of shit husband you used to have.
You're getting ahead of yourself.
We're gonna be here all night.
(CRASH)
(GRUNTlNG)
(BONE CRUNCHES)
(CLADY screaming)
You have to go, Linda.
Wherever it is, you gotta go.
Come on.
I'm already packed.
Take care of yourself, Detective.
Where are you gonna go, cop killer?
I let myself in.
Clearly.
You all right, Tom?
I was worried about you.
Apparently, I killed two deputies.
Diskant's dead.
Santos and DeMille dragged me off to die, so I put them down.
Can you fix this, Jack?
Oh, I'm going to fix it. I'm going to fix it.
You know, I suspected that Santos and DeMille were capering with Washington, but I didn't want to believe this kind of shit was going on in my unit.
Yeah. 
Me neither.
Boss, you better get Clady up here.
I need you guys.
I'll get him in the loop.
I'm gonna get him up here right now.
You need an alibi.
You were sleeping on the couch after the party.
Santos and DeMille, they killed those deputies.
Not you. 
Not you.
(CELL PHONE buzzing)
This is Clady's phone.
And his badge.
All this is you. lt's you, Jack.
It's you. lt's you, Tom.
Own it! 
Fucking own it!
You knew they were cops!
Those guys were so deep undercover that they... 
They lost their fucking minds!
Don't mourn them. 
You can't mourn them.
You set me up!
You sent me in to die, Jack!
I didn't set you up! 
You set yourself up!
I was trying to save you!
You backed me up in a fucking corner!
-You killed Washington!
-Fuck him!
Fuck Santos! 
Fuck DeMille!
Fuck Clady! 
Fuck them all!
Fuck them all!
They're a dime a dozen.
You...
You, man.
You're special.
You're special to me.
And Diskant?
He special?
I watched a good man die because of you.
That is entirely your fault.
Come on, Tom.
How do we get past this?
We got a destiny. 
You and me.
Nobody's getting past this, Jack.
Everything ends now. 
You end now.
(GRUNTlNG)
(panting) I surrender! 
I surrender.
Hook me and book me!
There's a rover right there!
Put it out! 
One for transport!
Goddamn!
Tom Ludlow, he got his man now!
I found you.
I made you possible.
Now you need me more than ever, Tom.
What did you think I'd do when I found out?
Wait, man. 
Wait.
Wait.
My wall.
It's all there. ln the wall.
These secrets, they're killing us.
That's it. 
Open it up.
Open it up! 
Tear it down!
Tear it down!
That's it.
There it is.
This is my power.
This is my crown.
I'm the king of secrets, Tom!
I know which city councilman is doing lines.
I know who likes boys.
I know who's selling contracts.
I know who... 
Who's beating his wife.
I own them!
Even the Chief is in my pocket, Tom.
How do you think that I've been able to protect you all these years?
What do you think it is that you're doing?
All these missions, how do you think that you're able to touch the untouchables?
I'm gonna be chief!
I will be chief!
I will be mayor!
This is our world, Tom!
So, let's take it!
That why you put a hit on Washington?
Why you tried to kill me?
So you can keep stuffing money in your wall?
But this is our money.
The unit's.
Who do you think paid for Silky's defense during all those lawsuits?
Who's gonna pay for your retirement?
I'm just correcting a flaw in the system, Tom.
This is about cops helping cops.
And if a teacher or a fireman could do it, they would do it, too.
What happened to just locking up bad people?
We're all bad, Tom.
You were my best friend.
We were family.
(GUN cocking)
officer: 
Drop it, Ludlow!
There's been enough killing.
(OHATTERING ON POLIOE RADIO) I came as soon as you called.
Guess you're first on scene.
Nope. 
You are.
Looks like Jack's friends got greedy and came after the money.
-ls that what it looks like?
-Mmm-hmm.
This is your plan, Captain?
Just sit back and let us all kill each other?
You were the plan.
No one else could touch him.
Once your eyes were opened, there was no other outcome.
Decisions were made, Tom,
-by powerful men with powerful secrets.
-Captain.
They were afraid of Jack.
They asked me to help.
One day, you will pass the Chief in the hall and he will give you a nod.
And you will know why.
Because you were right, Tom.
We do need you.

- Night, Michelle.
Bob saget.
America's funniest home videos.
Oh, my God.
Male announcer: 
This is the comedy central roast of Bob saget with your roastmaster John stamos and roasters susie essman,
Jeff garlin,
Greg giraldo,
Gilbert gottfried, cloris leachman, jon lovitz, norm MacDonald,
Jim Norton,
Brian posehn, and Jeffrey Ross with special appearances by Lewis black,
Sarah silverman, and don rickles.
The comedy central roast of Bob saget.
And now please welcome your roastmaster, John stamos.
- Thank you.
Tonight we're here to pay tribute to an actor, an author, director, humanitarian, and incomparable showbiz whore.
I'm talking, of course, about Bob saget.
Now, if you younger viewers are tuning in to watch Uncle Jesse help Danny Tanner find a tender way to solve one of Michelle's problems, go fuck yourself.
So the good news is, we're here to bust saget's balls.
The bad news is, it's yet another show starring Bob saget, which means it won't be funny, and it'll go on for fucking ever.
Now, let's take a look back at what Bob thought made people laugh.
- You're now about to witness the strength of Bob saget.
Bob saget.
- Bob the comic, ladies!
Let's bring him back out!
- ♪ Bob saget, bitch, you better ask someone ♪
- ♪ who you rolling with?
- ♪ Bob, Bob saget
♪ numero uno
♪ nobody does it better - ♪ who you rolling with?
- Hey.
- Hey, Bob saget.
- Hey-oh!
- Oh, your dick is so big!
- ♪ I got a cock like a donkey, hard as a rock ♪
♪ and a trigger finger itchier than chicken pox ♪
- Come on, grandpa.
We want to watch Terrance and Phillip.
- No, we're gonna watch the Bob saget show.
- Hello and welcome to America's funniest home videos.
Gee, my name is granny, and I'm falling on my Fanny.
- This guy sucks!
- Yeah, he's almost as bad as that guy on full house.
- You are full house daddy-dad?
- I was the full house daddy-dad.
The girls just mean so much to me.
- It's cool, cool, cool.
- And now we're gonna do what daddy always does.
Suck dick for coke.
- I seen him!
- Little bitch Kimmy gibbler.
I feel bad I banged her.
- You know how that feels, Mr. t.
- So they're all fucking each other, right?
All of a sudden, the kid can't take it.
Diarrhea starts squirting out of his ass.
It's like a hemorrhaging shit ass.
- You know what an ass shot of America's favorite dad is going for these days?
What the fuck happened to Mr. Tanner?
What the fuck?
- ♪ 'Cause I'm a pimp, they see me rolling through ♪
- Oh my God.
- Hot 19-year-olds or 20-year-olds are attracted to you.
- Why don't you show me your room, baby?
- Did you just get cock blocked by Bob saget?
- You don't exploit that, obviously, in your personal life.
- I have met-  ♪ Bob saget
- thanks a lot.
Good night, boys.
Excuse me.
I've got to go to my nuclear physics class.
Oh, you know what?
I got to go on.
I'm sorry.
I got people to entertain.
- Who the fuck was that guy?
- ♪ The illest motherfucker in a cardigan sweater ♪
- Night, Michelle.
- Please welcome our guest of honor, the luckiest man and the worst entertainer in the history of show business, he's a huge asshole and one of my best friends,
Bob saget!
- Hey, call me.
- Bob, I was with you for 192 episodes of full house, and I can honestly say you don't have a funny bone in your body, unless, of course, you count the one time you sat on Dave coulier's cock.
And by "sat on," I mean hungrily backed into.
And by "one time," I mean eight seasons.
You know, the whole time Bob and I were doing full house, he was also hosting America's funniest home videos.
He did that show for so long, he can't get a boner unless a six-year-old boy whacks his balls with a wiffle bat.
What a tough gig that must've been, huh?
His entire job consisted of saying,
"take a look at this,"
which is what he used to say to Mary-Kate Olsen in her dressing room.
Bob's last hbo special was called that ain't right.
Should have been called that ain't watchable.
That was the most pathetic piece of shit I ever seen.
And need I remind you, I did eight seasons of full house.
Bob, you're an undeniable success, deserving of the millions of dollars you lost in the divorce.
Bob, you are a class act.
And you've been there for me through the good times and bad, and I'm so flattered that you asked me to be the roastmaster this evening.
I think this is gonna be a great night for you.
I hope you have the time of your life, buddy.
- Thank you.
- Enough of this sappy shit.
Let's get on this with this train wreck, shall we?
He's back again making his annual disappearance.
Please welcome the unknown comic, one of my favorites, Greg giraldo.
- Thank you.
Thank you, everybody.
John stamos.
Isn't he/she great?
John played the bongos in a beach boys video wearing a pink tank top.
That couldn't have been any gayer if George Michael was on your lap stuffing crystal meth up your ass with Rupert Everett's fist.
You're on er now, John.
Congratulations.
You're like susie essman's vagina.
You're almost useless, but somehow you keep working.
John was married to my favorite supermodel,
Rebecca romijn O'Connell.
Jesus.
Holy.
John, you--
John, you lost your wife to the fat kid from stand by me.
Holy shit.
Look at you, you greasy Greek bastard.
I look at you and I wonder, how can there be an energy crisis?
We shouldn't be drilling in Alaska.
We should be wringing out your family's pillowcases.
Norm MacDonald is here, one of the funniest people ever.
Norm's got a giant gambling problem.
He's dropped more coin in a casino than Michael j. 
Fox at a parking meter.
It's a fucking roast.
Groany-groan-groan.
Brian posehn, look at him, that giant fucking ghoul.
We've all seen you shirtless on the Sarah silverman show.
It's hard to believe you could be so out of shape considering how often the townspeople must chase you around with torches.
The great cloris leachman, of course, is here.
Cloris leachman, yup.
Cloris is so old she lost her virginity to a druid.
What are you doing here, cloris?
You're the only person with any talent.
You won an Oscar and nine emmys.
When it comes to winning awards, you've been more voracious than jon lovitz at an all the dick you can eat buffet.
Jon lovitz, you fucking gay weeble.
Come on, jon, there hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.
Susie essman, look at you.
You're a mess.
You're like screech with tits.
I guess cloris leachman is here to make you seem fuckable.
Gilbert gottfried's here.
Gilbert recently had a baby.
Who would fuck you?
You have the sex appeal of a school bus fire.
Which brings me to the man of the hour,
Bob saget, everybody, huh?
Bob saget.
Bob--
Bob, you are a genital wart on the cock of American culture.
Seriously, who gives a shit about Bob saget?
With your long neck, pointy beak, and granny glasses, you're like the viasic pickle stork.
Except instead of delivering babies, you're not funny.
You're like my seven-year-old son.
You think cursing is hilarious, and you're not surprised your dick is the same size it was in the first grade.
And where the hell are the Olsen twins?
The olsens are like tom green's testicles.
They look the same, but one is fake and empty inside, and the other one's been licked by heath ledger.
He'd be cool with it, fuckers.
I read an interview where you referred to yourself as an artist.
Are you fucking kidding me?
As an artist?
You used the phrase, "as an artist"?
You are a vortex of artistic compromise.
Charlie sheen watches you and feels good about himself.
You-- you are an artist in the same way cloris leachman is moist.
You're not an artist, Bob, and stop enjoying your ironic hipness that's going on with you these days.
You're not cool.
Stop trying to be hip.
At one point in your act, you actually say,
"who's your daddy?
Say my name.
Look me in the eye.
True that."
Holy fuck.
I couldn't cringe any harder if I watched my mom in a bukakke video.
I'm done being mean, Bob.
I've met you a bunch of times.
You've always been hilarious and super cool, and everybody that knows you loves and respects you.
Nobody ever has a bad thing to say about you, and that's particularly surprising, because you're Jewish, and you're obnoxious people.
Thanks a lot for letting me do this.
Thank you.
- Greg giraldo.
Our next roaster brought Saturday night live to a whole new level of funny by leaving the show.
Tonight he's debuting a character he's been working on:
Sweaty guy with no jokes.
Ladies and gentlemen, please tolerate jon lovitz.
- Thank you.
Say, how funny was the new guy, Geraldo Rivera?
Yes.
I tell you, that's the first time I've been roasted by an illegal alien.
You know, Bob's a good friend of mine.
He's probably one of my best friends, and there's been a rumor going around Los Angeles for the last 50 years that Bob is gay.
And he's not gay.
You know, he's got a beautiful wife, beautiful girlfriend.
So I'd like to sing some songs now to kill the rumor that he's gay.
And this first song is called Bob saget isn't gay and hopefully will kill the rumors that he is, which he is not.
♪ Bob saget isn't gay ♪
♪ the sky isn't blue ♪
♪ grass isn't green, and I'm not a Jew ♪
No, I'm kidding.
Of course he's not gay.
But did you know that Bob's a gourmet chef, and he's always in his kitchen cooking up something, so I wrote a song about it.
It's called Bob saget likes it in his kitchen.
♪ Oh, Mr. Bob saget likes it in his kitchen ♪
♪ likes it in his kitchen, likes it in his kitchen ♪
♪ Mr. Bob saget likes it in his kitchen ♪
♪ kitchen, of course
♪ is code for butt hey, it's Bob's code.
I just cracked it.
Now, on a serious note, I knew Bob's father.
He's a wonderful man named Ben saget.
Ben saget was so proud of his son's success, he wrote a book about it.
The book is a loving tribute from a father to his son.
It's called, my son the the fag by Ben saget.
"I knew Bob was gay when he was five.
"We were Jewish, but Bob was so gay
"he used to run away to church.
"He'd beg the priest, 'let me stay, and I'll do anything.'
"and then he'd say, 'can you blow out the candles?
'
"and Bob would say, 'I don't know.
"Can you light your dick on fire?
'
"Bob's so gay, his asshole is no longer a hole but a smile."
- Oh, man.
- "Bob's so gay, when he plays cards,
"a full house is two dicks in the mouth
"and three in the butt.
"My son Bob is so gay,
"he wanted to rename his show, 1 vs. 100
"to stick it in my jellyfish ass till it bleeds,
"catch the drippings in a cup,
"pour them back into me intravenously vs. 100."
I'd read you more, but it starts to get gross.
Good-bye, everybody!
Good-bye!
- For your safety, please avert your eyes and welcome the pork roastmaster general
Jeffrey Ross.
Wow, give it up for chachi.
Ladies, I spoke to flavor flav.
He said you can be on the show.
They're still here from last year's roast.
Wow.
I know this is a big night, because cloris leachman put her teeth in.
Wow, what a legend.
Shakespeare did her in the park.
You look great, babe, not a day over dead.
She come her in a limo or a time machine?
Wow, doesn't Lisa lampanelli look fant-- oh, that's Jeff garlin.
Sorry.
Norm MacDonald's so stoned he thinks he's at a roast for Bob seger.
I love you, norm.
Wow, you never come out, norm.
You're like the j.D. Salinger of dick jokes.
Ugh.
Of course, Bob saget directed norm MacDonald's movie, dirty work.
Yeah.
A move that transformed norm MacDonald into a star...
Bucks employee.
- Did you say something after "star"?
- What's the over-under tonight?
What's gonna happen, norm?
- No, I wanted to read something funny, so I'm reading marmaduke.
Oh, my God.
This is what happens when you book a dais off craigslist.
Jon lovitz, great job tonight.
Jon lovitz is single out there, ladies, if you're single.
Yeah.
They paired him up with a couch and a bottle of hand lotion.
Yeah.
That's a three-way for him.
And Dave coulier, in case you think we forgot about you, we did.
Oh.
But, ladies and gentlemen, I'm here today because I only roast the ones I love, and I love Bob saget.
I love him--
I love him like a perverted Uncle who pays for lunch and then follows me into the men's room.
Bob saget is a sick bastard.
He has two daughters in college and three girlfriends in high school.
Bob saget's girlfriend is so young, r. 
Kelly wouldn't pee on her.
Most comics dream of performing in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Bob saget dreams of performing in Hannah Montana.
Full house should've been called Blackjack, 'cause he hit on the olsens when they were eight.
He didn't stop till they were 21.
Is it true you used to give Mary-Kate acting lessons?
He'd tell her, "act like this never happened."
She'd be like, "you got it, dude."
Actually, Mary-Kate and Ashley were supposed to be here tonight, but they heard there was gonna be food.
And although Bob saget is not an insult comic,
I am insulted when people call him a comic.
But if some of us use dirty words as a crutch, then Bob saget must be a quadriplegic.
- But here's one four-letter word
I know he's never heard:
Haha.
Bob, in case you haven't figured it out yet, this isn't a roast.
It's an intervention.
You can keep doing drugs, but please stop doing comedy.
Please.
The people have spoken.
And, Bob, you may have noticed
I didn't use any curse words tonight, 'cause I didn't want to compete with the master.
Out of all the comics I know, you have the filthiest mouth and the kindest heart, and I knew there was no way I could top you.
But in honor of the late, great George carlin,
I would like to leave you all with another seven words you can never hear on television:
And the emmy goes to Bob saget.
That's all I got to say, 'cause that's the punch line.
Bob saget.
It doesn't even need a setup.
Bob, did you really need a roast?
Your career wasn't enough of one?
Full house.
Are you kidding me?
What the fuck was that about?
I think it's based on what passes through the brain of a comatose child molester.
It was like watching a stroke in slow motion.
America's funniest home videos.
Were they, Bob?
Were they really the funniest?
How'd you do it, Bob?
How the fuck did you do it?
Why did you do it?
To make me feel better about my career, which at that point was in the dumpsters--
I played pisshole clubs across the country-- so I can feel better about myself, so I could think, "well, things are shitty,
"but at least I'm not saget.
"I'm just a stripper.
At least I'm not a whore."
Well, I got to go.
All the best, Bob.
And, stamos, you are so gay.
I tried to get our next roaster's autograph.
Then I realized she wasn't gene Simmons.
Please welcome the least attractive cast member on curb your enthusiasm, susie essman.
- Thank you, pretty boy.
I had no idea, John, you had such a sharp tongue.
That must really hurt saget's ass.
You know, Bob, I was talking about your career the other day, and out of nowhere, a fat lady started singing.
It was so weird.
Most of you don't know that Bob is the complete opposite of his image.
His image, by the way, is funny.
Jeff, my darling husband-- not in real life.
But you know, you know I love you.
People are always fascinated by Jeff, and they're always asking me, "is Jeff really fat?"
No, the camera adds 465 pounds.
Doesn't matter.
You're funny.
Doesn't matter if you're a fat fuck, 'cause you're funny, right?
That's all that really matters.
Lot of funny here.
This dais is graced with many, many fine comedians and Bob saget.
- What do you get when you cross Gilbert gottfried with Jim Norton?
I don't know, but you wouldn't want to fuck it.
Greg giraldo: 
The reason vaginal dryness was invented.
Stamos, you're doable, but I wouldn't, because you're one of those narcissistic good-looking boys, like the kind of guy who calls out his own name when he's cumming.
Let's face it.
The only one who's getting screwed tonight is Bob saget.
Bob is one of those people who every time you see him on TV, you think, "whose dick did he suck to get that gig?"
You know?
Bob spends more times on his knees after a big audition than Mary-Kate does after a big meal.
Bob will do anything for money.
That's why he's always getting into cars on Santa Monica boulevard.
And for years, I thought he just needed a ride.
You know, I'm such an innocent.
You know, and I met your girlfriend.
She's lovely.
And one good thing we know is at least she's not a star fucker.
The reason I'm here is because it was a challenge to me.
I love to putter in the kitchen, and this was an opportunity I couldn't pass up, because I've baked a cake, I've fried a chicken, and this is the first time I had a chance
to roast an asshole.
So I figured I would just show up and do it.
And you know, I just got a text message from my self-respect, and it said I have to leave.
So good night, everybody.
Thank you.
- We're lucky to have our next comic, Brian.
After the roast, he's got to get back to the cabin in the woods to skin some teenagers.
To avoid startling the creature, please no flash photography for Brian posehn.
- Keep it going for John stamos.
Wow, John.
If you and I were at a party, our cocks would have nothing to talk about.
Your dick has a more impressive resume than you do.
You know what?
I don't even know Bob saget.
I've met him twice.
I'm only here because Lisa lampanelli finally got murdered by one of her black boyfriends.
That's right.
Norm MacDonald is here.
He does an amazing Burt Reynolds impression.
And by that, I mean he's not in movies anymore either.
Jodie sweetin's in the crowd.
Remember her?
Yeah.
I can't point her out, but she's the full house girl that isn't a crazy Christian or a vagina on a stick.
So, uh--
Jodie sweetin, by the way, hosted this terrible cable show called pants-off dance-off.
Yeah.
Which is how I used to watch full house.
That's right.
Yeah, how about Jeffrey Ross, my buddy?
Yeah, yeah.
Jeff wants to be an old comic so bad that he's having his balls lowered.
Cloris leachman, look at you.
You're older than the dirt you sleep in.
Ah, that's so mean.
Susie, I know what it's like to be called ugly like you.
I do.
I--my whole life.
Don't take it personally, though, 'cause if you were a chick, I would totally fuck you.
Seriously, I came here to honor Bob saget.
Yeah.
That's right.
Bob has done a lot for this country.
For eight seasons, half an hour a week, full house kept pedophiles off the street.
In fact, three of them were on the show.
Bob, I love how you reinvented yourself as this dirty comic, you know?
But it worked a few times, and now no one cares.
You're like the boy who cried, "cunt."
- But, Bob, you've been a big influence on me, man.
When Sarah silverman asked me to play a gay guy on TV,
I didn't want to.
But then I thought, "hey, if saget can do it..."
Bob, in all seriousness, and I mean this deeply,
I hope horrible things happen to you tonight and for the rest of your pitiful life.
I'm kidding, buddy.
Congratulations, and have a good night.
Thanks, you guys.
- Our next roaster has never been to a roast, but in 1620, she was almost burned as a witch.
Her first std was the plague.
Please welcome cloris leachman!
- I am not here to roast Bob saget.
I'm here to fuck John stamos.
Stamos, you shouldn't talk so much.
Your mouth is canceling out all the hard work your ass is doing.
If you play your cards right, I'll do something no woman has ever done to you:
Put you in the movies.
Does any one of you actually know who I am?
I was on the Mary Tyler Moore show.
Total slut, by the way.
She taught me everything I know.
Here's something you don't know about Mary.
When she had an orgasm, she threw her hat in the air.
I don't know who any of you people is.
Maybe that's 'cause I watch TV and go to the movies and read the trades.
I have vibrators older than most of you.
The difference is, my vibrators still work.
They do.
You, the fat one.
Not you, the ugly fat one.
Yeah, your name is Jeff Ross?
- Yeah.
- I just want to thank you for doing the jokes my father used to tell me when I was seven.
I'm sure this is the first time you've ever made a woman happy.
None of this dirty joke stuff is shocking to me.
I mean, during the golden era of comedy,
I broke my ankle when I tripped over
Milton berle's cock.
Which one of you fellas is susie essman?
Normie MacDonald.
I've never met you before, but I want you to know
I'm carrying mace.
Norm can't stay much longer.
He has to get his suit back to his father's coffin.
I'm an academy award winner.
For the love of God, will someone please punch me in the face so I can see some stars?
I can't believe I shaved for this.
I mean, what am I even doing here?
Who cares about Bob saget?
I was giving reach arounds to Jack Benny before you were born.
And that man had timing.
I was actually offered a role on full house.
I turned it down, 'cause I wanted to focus on comedy.
I'm glad I got out of sitcoms before you killed them.
You didn't just kill sitcoms.
You raped them and left them for dead in a ditch...
Just like I did with Gavin macleod in 1975.
And then again in 1978, that bald bitch.
Bob, dearest,
I've seen some of your work.
And you're not an actor.
Not one of you is.
I was classically trained in live theater.
I improvised.
No script, no director.
Just me and the donkey.
Five sold out shows a night for six years till the donkey died of exhaustion.
Then I was finally ready for Hollywood.
What have you nothings done?
"My YouTube video has 400 hits."
Fuck a donkey, then talk to me.
Now, get up here, stamos.
Let's see what you got.
You're very funny.
- You.
Our next roaster used to be on Saturday night live.
Now he just watches it, well, up until last week when a hooker stole his TV.
Please welcome the incoherent norm MacDonald.
- Yeah, I want to start with John stamos, our esteemed roastmaster.
John--well, John has a reputation for being a bit of a swinger.
Did you know instead of an umbilical cord,
John was born with a bungee cord?
And cloris leachman is here.
Cloris?
Cloris, if people say you're over the hill, don't believe them.
Why, you'll never be over the hill, not in the car you drive.
Greg giraldo is here.
He has the grace of a swan, the wisdom of an owl, and the eye of an eagle.
Ladies and gentleman, this man is for the birds.
Susie essman, of course, is famous for being a vegetarian.
Hey, she may be a vegetarian, but she's still full of bologna in my book.
I--
Gilbert gottfried, one of my best friends.
I love Gilbert.
When you go to the men's room later, you'll see a sign that says, "gentlemen,"
pay no heed.
Go right in.
There's no room that says "scoundrel" on it.
But now we come to Bob saget, and that's why we're all here.
Bob.
Bob, you have a lot of well wishers here tonight, and a lot of them would like to throw you down one-- a well.
They want to murder you in a well.
Seems a little harsh, but-- apparently, they want to murder you in a well, it says here on this card.
No, but Bob has a beautiful face like a flower-- yeah, a cauliflower.
No offense, but your face looks like a cauliflower.
Now, I heard you have hair on your chest, Bob.
And, well, let me tell you something.
That isn't your only resemblance to rin tin tin.
- You're a fucking dogface.
How can you not get that?
No, there are times when Bob has something on his mind:
When he wears a hat.
But no thoughts at all.
Just a hat.
And Bob isn't the biggest sports fan.
I don't think I'm telling any tales out of school.
I took him to a--
I took him to a ball game, and he came toting a double-barreled shotgun.
Do you remember that?
I said, "what the 'h' is that for?"
Bob said, "I heard the lions were playing the tigers."
Do you remember that?
- Yeah.
- No, he's a good guy.
He's a good guy.
He's never bought Christmas seals.
He told me he wouldn't know what to feed them.
This concludes the joke--
In all seriousness, Bob was the first comedian that I ever saw perform when I was a boy live, and I loved him.
But one thing that bonds us as comedians is, we're bitter and jealous, and we hate everyone else that has any success.
But Bob honestly has never had an unkind word for anybody, and I love him, and I hope everybody else does, so I just wanted to say that.
Thank you.
- Norm MacDonald.
We're very lucky to have our next roaster.
He's a legend.
The executive who bought full house to network television:
Sol Schwartz.
- I remember the day that they came to me with the full house pitch.
It was the last day my assistant jaclyn blew me.
I remember it clearly.
And in walked in the full house people.
And they pitched their little show, their dream show, their classic.
And I said, "it's a yes,
"but I want it to star three schmucks
"I've never heard of.
'Cause I want to prove that time slot is everything."
Let me tell you something, John stamos.
You are the most talented actor that I have ever come across.
You are wonderful.
You're delightful.
You're a dream!
You're fantastic.
No one has ever touched your talent.
It is remarkable.
You are the best performer I have ever seen.
No one in the world has ever come close to the magic that you bring to the stage, to the screen.
My balls are clapping.
You are truly God's favorite actor, John stamos.
Oh, by the way, I've already read tomorrow's variety.
I get it early.
You've been replaced on er by Jerry O'Connell.
It's true.
Let's talk about a true mensch, my pride and joy, who I discovered 25 years ago,
Bob saget.
I'm not--
Yes.
I think you're more than just the sitcom dad or the guy who hosts that video show.
You're really one of the shittiest comics
I've ever seen.
The other day, I-- after all these years, I'd never met the Olsen twins.
He introduced me to them.
I said to him, "how do I tell them apart?"
He says, "Ashley swallows."
What's my character's name again?
Saul Schwartz.
Bob--he called him sol.
John stamos is so not Jewish.
"Please welcome sol Schwartz."
The truth is, Bob, we've worked together for many, many years, and I'm starting to think I have Alzheimer's, because I can't remember a single funny thing you ever said.
All right, I'm not fucking around.
I said to them before the show--
I said, "I want to say something nice about him now,"
and I swear, on the screen, it says, "sincere moment."
What a sincere moment.
No, what I want to say to you is, we never hang out.
I'd like to.
We see each other.
We're always happy to see each other.
I've always liked you.
And I remember when we first met, you asked me if I knew how dry my grandma's vagina was.
Those were the first thing-- - really?
- I was opening for you in the '80s, and that's the first thing you said to me, and I knew that I liked you from that moment on.
Isn't that a fantastic-- you ever met somebody--
"hey, do you know how dry your grandma's vagina is?"
That's fucking great!
You know he's a great person.
But I think the world of you.
And for me, it was an honor to be here tonight.
Thanks.
- We're roasting Bob saget?
I heard that Bob saget calls his balls the Olsen twins.
And that's actually--
I know for a fact that's not true, because he calls them Michelle.
Greg giraldo, it's like I don't--
I think he's hispanic.
He's, like, nine different things.
He's, like, nine different nationalities.
Or maybe eight.
I don't know.
Is gay a nationality?
Norm, Jim Norton, Greg giraldo-- why don't they just-- they should've done the roast at the racetrack, you know, where norm works.
Oh, who's the, like, really pretty little girl from full house?
Oh, um,
John stamos.
He's hosting it.
That should be good.
I wish so much that I could be at the roast in person, but I, um-- just after everything I've been through lately,
I really need to be around people that can make me laugh.
I got Bob's mother to tape something.
And I just got it, so let's look at it.
- Bobby, what a son.
I was proud of you when you were bar mitzvahed, and when you got married and had those wonderful children.
And all those millions you made on full house and America's home videos.
And oh, if I had to do it over again,
I'd probably get an abortion.
God, I know that's Bob's mother, and it was so sweet of her to do that, but I just hate that.
I hate when people use words like "abortion"
just for a laugh.
You know what I mean?
It's cheap.
It's like--it's lazy comics just getting a laugh with shock value, especially when it comes to susie essman's cunt.
- Many comics on this dais have worked holes in the wall.
Our next roaster just sucked a cock through one.
You can see him on the Internet sensation, one guy, two cups, and a baby.
It's the Uncle fester of unfunny, Jim Norton.
- Oh, thank you.
How about a nice hand for John stamos?
Isn't he terrific?
This is, honest to God, the biggest collection of non-celebrities I've ever seen in an audience.
You know you have a shit crowd when Alonzo bodden is "the big get."
Winner of last comic standing season three 25 minutes before they did last comic standing season four.
Your head looks like one of Shaq's balls.
And Sarah silverman was terrific.
I know she's having a hard time, but don't feel bad.
Sarah's fucked so many comedians, she has a little light over her bed so they know when they have two minutes left.
And Brian posehn, I'm so happy you're here.
Your face always looks like you just saw the ark of the covenant.
Bob, how many people turned down comedy central before they finally settled on you?
I mean, not to be a dick, but like, you know, on the fucking comic scale of importance, you're two notches below Blair's cousin geri on the facts of life.
Jeff garlin, how fat a man do you intend on being?
Fuck enthusiasm.
Curb your appetite.
Norm MacDonald, God bless you.
Watching your set was like watching Henry Fonda pick blueberries.
- Is that-- now, wait a minute.
- What's that?
Oh, he wants to say something.
- No, I just think it would be-- why, I don't think there's a person in here that would not love to watch Henry Fonda pick blueberries.
You raise a good point, norm.
Jon lovitz, it's gotten to a point where I almost feel like success has a restraining order on you.
God bless cloris leachman.
You were terrific tonight.
Terrific.
She costarred in young Frankenstein.
Wonderful.
Although back then, she worked under a different name:
Peter boyle.
I don't mean to be a little blue here, but cloris leachman's pussy is so dry, that when I tickled the lips, it coughed on me.
Life sucks.
Pryor's dead.
Carlin's dead.
Saget?
Healthy as a mule.
Bob, you're a great guy, and I'm honored to have been here with you, and you're a friend, and I thank you so much.
And it really is it out of love that we shit on each other.
Thank you guys so much.
The great Bob saget.
We all know that, but once in a while you got to kiss up to him, because he plays the guitar well.
And in case you have a bar mitzvah or a private party, you need somebody in the garden to stroll along with the dirty words and his little guitar pick.
I'm not gonna lie to you, Bob.
You have no talent.
Get a harmonica, put it on your ass, and try to come up with a tune.
John stamos, I can't believe it.
You are the mc of a guy that's going nowhere.
And John, I'm a friend.
Your case comes up Friday.
She was only 11, 11 years old.
You kept pulling on the dress.
You don't need that, John.
Get yourself a day job in Greece.
Live there.
Clean apples.
Do something.
Run around looking for zorba.
Bob, do yourself a favor.
Go to Israel, and get picked off.
Get the Hamas to knock you off.
It's all over.
In the meantime, I'm going back to my estate, and we need a guy to clean the lawn.
So I'll give you a buzz, okay?
Take care of yourself.
Our next roaster never opens his eyes, because he can't bear to watch the audience walk out.
Here to scream obscenities in a screeching voice that never gets old,
Gilbert gottfried.
- Thank you, John.
Boy, is he funny or what?
How can you follow John stamos?
And they say greeks aren't funny.
And they say greeks smell bad.
And they say their women are fat and hairy.
But enough about John and his sisters.
Now, a lot of you are saying,
"why did we pick Bob saget?
"Why should we pick Bob saget,
"who raped and killed a girl in 1990?
"Should we even waste two seconds on Bob saget, who raped and killed a girl in 1990?"
Well, first of all, it's not true.
It's not true that Bob saget raped and killed a girl in 1990.
So if you have any proof that Bob saget raped and killed a girl in 1990, stop gossiping, and go right to the police with it.
Jim Norton is a pervert.
He's a necrophiliac.
Last night, he fucked norm MacDonald and his career.
- And cloris leachman.
Cloris leachman is so old that her tits are labeled,
"whites only" and "colored."
Her tits are a shameful time in this country's history.
When I saw a great man like nipsey Russell pushed away from one of her tits, it was wrong.
Now, I watched Bob saget's hbo special in high-def, because in order to enjoy it, you have to be either high or deaf.
But his career's totally insignificant.
I googled "Bob saget,"
and it came back, "why?"
Now I'd like to do an old joke.
John stamos walks into a bar.
The bartender says,
"we have a drink named after you."
John stamos says,
"you have a drink named secret fag?"
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen walk into a bar.
They say to the bartender, "give us two ass hurts."
The bartender says,
"how do you make an ass hurt?"
The Olsen twins say, "well, Bob saget
"hands you a chocolate milk that he just made,
"and you wake up three hours later lying on your stomach."
And lastly,
Bob saget walks into a bar, and he says to the bartender,
"give me the Bob saget."
The bartender says, "what's a Bob saget?"
And he says, "you give me one shot,
"I suck it for eight years, then you give me $100 million."
God bless you all.
Don't use drugs.
- Well, it's been a great night of comedy.
But all good things must come to an end, which means it's time for our guest of honor.
I can't believe that after spending so many years begging him to shut up, I'm now gonna ask him to speak.
It takes a big man to sit up here and take all this.
And I'll tell you two guys that are laughing the hardest tonight:
Our fathers.
Please welcome the great Bob saget.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
What a night.
Thank you, John.
This is the longest John stamos has gone without putting his cock in a desperate actress.
Yeah.
You know, they say the measure of a man is judged by the company he keeps.
I'm fucked.
Greg giraldo, you should be a bigger star.
You should be much bigger.
You have more talent in your little finger-- oh, sorry.
That's your dick.
Jeff garlin is a very funny fuck.
I'm sorry.
Last minute changes.
I apologize.
Jeff garlin is a very fat fuck.
Jeff's so fat...
His last comedy special was shot in imax.
Norm MacDonald, norm, you're the funniest man I know, because these are the other people that I know.
Norm is such a horrible gambler, he bet that jon lovitz would be funny tonight.
Okay, now I'd like to say a few words about susie's vagina.
I don't want to say that her vagina is foul, but it has a beak and feathers.
In fact, her vagina got a job last year as the monster in cloverfield.
Jeff Ross, Jeff, we're buddies...
- Yeah!
- But I've always wanted to tell you this.
You look like they took the friars club and beat you in the face with it.
If you looked any more like a horse, norm MacDonald would lose ten grand on you.
Brian posehn.
Am I saying it right?
Is it bri-an?
Look at that face.
Did any other lesbians survive the fire?
Which brings us to jon lovitz.
Jon, your act is like masturbation.
You're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
But I love you, John stamos.
Cloris leachman, it's truly an honor to have you here.
Cloris was very hard to get for this roast, because she communicates by telegraph.
Gilbert gottfried.
Gilbert.
Gilbert.
Why are you always squinting?
Seriously, it's like you're staring at an eclipse.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's your career.
Look at you.
That's the face of a pedophile.
What better way to lure a kid into a van than to use the parrot voice from Aladdin?
Jim Norton, you look like something that just got burned off stamos's cock.
You are the most repugnant creature
I have ever seen.
You look like a mongoloid fucked an iguana.
And then there's my good friend John stamos.
He's so handsome.
Even his dick has a great hairline.
During full house, John's dick had a mullet.
In the '80s, there were two things every actress wanted to be on:
The love boat and John stamos's cock.
Neither help your career, but at least the love boat didn't try to fuck you in the ass.
That would have been exciting and new.
I love you, Jesse.
This, honestly, has been quite a night.
I was concerned, because it's hard to make fun of my friends and the people I love, but luckily, none of them are here.
And it's really--truly, it's really great to be honored and to be part of a hit show, and I know this is gonna be a hit show, because I'm on it, and we're gonna edit out jon lovitz.
'Cause that's what I do.
I star in monster TV shows, and I cut out the lame parts, you talentless, white motherfuckers.
So in summation, and I mean this to all of you from the bottom of my heart, fuck you all, and suck my $100 million cock.
Good night, and thank you.

I'm here outside the historic Pump Room in the centre of Bath... where the city may have just experienced its first earth tremor in over 300 years.
Earlier, Valentine's Day diners were overcome by a release of highly toxic gas.
Three people are said to be in a critical condition and authorities are baffled as to how this bizarre and frightening events could have occurred.
Have you found what you're looking for, apart from each other?
Gillian!
Have you seen the local news?
No, what is it?
A terrible and wonderful thing.
You're in love?
God no, not as terrible as that.
Some people have been gassed.
.. Of the surrounding region which leads us to understand that a global... erm... focus sets the em..
most important context, and then, yes, I've got a slide...
I hope it's a monkeyjuggling batons cos
I can't see how this funding delegation is going to stay awake.?
Ah, Dr Magwilde, he's boring, make his speech better.
Daniel, there's a very excited man outside looking for you.
With a cheque book..
Get your coat, you've pulled.
What's happened?
The chance of a lifetime.
You wanna go underground?
Ah. 
Do you have a late note?
Sorry.
I feel a bit sick, I need a smoothie...
That's what five pints of scrumpy'll do to you.
Oh, I see. 
A night of drinking, coy snatched glances the next day.
He can still taste her on his lips...
What? 
Was it a...?
No, no it wasn't.
Was it?
No. 
He showed me the sights, we popped into The Green Tree...
All right, losing interest now.
So what's going on?
There's a hollow area under these baths we've never had a chance to get at it. 
Till now.
You know it's just going to be more Roman remains, Gilly.
We had a bet.
A bet? 
What bet?
It's very complicated but involves Celts and Romans and Gillian being completely wrong.
Well, if I'm wrong I will cough up.
I'm none the wiser here.
Could somebody draw me a picture?
Hold it. 
Who are you lot?
You the engineer?
Geologist if you don't mind.
jeff Greenwood.
We're from Wessex University.
Archaeologists.
And bon viveurs. 
And in some cases erotic adventurers.
Well the quake dislodged part of the old flooring. 
Made a bloody big hole.
We recon a pocket of hydrogen sulphide from the sulphur springs was released from underground.
Obviously, they're going to evacuate the town centre.
No, just the baths.
These seismic wobbles only happen twice in a millennium.
Oh, and it's Valentine's and no-one wants to stem the flow of romantic cash into the shops.
Is it OK if we take a peek?
No. 
Whole thing's a death-trap.
Needs bracing.
Now if you don't mind, I have about a thousand samples to test back at the lab.
Cheers.
Bracing sounds serious, we're not really going down there, are we?
Ben, check your torch batteries.
Locked and loaded.
No, hang on... it sounds dangerous.
I'm sorry that your flaming young life is about to be cut short.
But Gillian has a theory and we all have money riding on it.
At least if you perish, you'll perish with your one true love.
There's a honeycomb of tunnels and unexplored areas under the baths.
Back in Roman times, it would have been the perfect place to hide someone.
Hide someone?
This is the first time these walls have been illuminated by electric light.
It's limestone.
But it's been hand-hewn.
Not squared-off.
Mmm, not very Roman, Benjamin?
I'd say this was Celtic.
The Romans liked to build on top of Celtic sites of worship.
Subjugate the people.
Eradicate their heritage.
That's the Romans - brutal, thorough, effective.
There may be Celtic remnants here, but it still doesn't prove your theory.
Nothing's going to prove that.
What's the theory?
What do you think happened down here?
Someone was hidden here?
Let's dig.
All clear down there?
Yes, sir. 
Great.
We'll do a quick detector sweep, open a couple of ground-sections and see what gives.
D'you think we'll have time to do all that before we're prosecuted, evicted and sacked from ourjobs?
Return, please.
I need you to stop Dr Ergha boring the pants off my delegation this evening.
No, no way, Daniel, I can't.
'We're conducting an ad hoc investigation!
You give the talk.
I am giving them the guided tour, so tonight's lecture better be completely wonderful because if they do not open their wallets you'll be looking for another position with a faculty head as sweet and indulgent of your whims as I am.
Ah, what a thoroughly incongruous place to find a inscription.
'Flamma urit semper. '
The Fire Will Always Burn.
Sounds like a bad album title.
So, do you think he wrote it?
Long shot.
Come on, let me in on this.
Who are we talking about?
What's your theory and what's the big mystery down here?
Tell me that's First Century Celtic.
That is First Century Iron Age Celtic.
That's a Celtic belt buckle.
OK, bags, BAGS!
This is like a settlements' worth of stuff!
Look at this, the Sun God of the Celts.
This is Celtic holy ground...
This is a most extraordinary find.
OK, but the Romans wanted to eradicate Celts.
Why didn't they just destroy all this?
Unless this stuff was buried after the baths were built.
Oh, come on, tell her, Gilly.
OK, here.
What does that tell you?
It's a ring.
It's Celtic.
First Century...
Yeah, we told you that.
It's twisted.
Like it was melted.
And we're not pulling out any pieces of fabric of any kind.
These things were rescued from a fire?
And the people that owned them were burnt.
Let's take these treasures back to the van and get the rest of the gear.
There was a Celtic uprising.
It was quashed and the rebel leader was pursued.
The Romans torched any village that may have been hiding...
Ah, sorry, this is speculation.
We know this from Marcus Quintanus!
Marcus Quintanus?
All we know is what we get from De Vita Quintanus... 
The Life Of Quintanus.
An obscure Roman inventor and engineer.
Helped build these baths.
Then he went back to Rome and took up a nondescript clerical job but his servant wrote a rather hazy account of his life.
Now some of this was lost when Rome burnt a few years later...
The Great Fire.
Poor Quintanus himself died in the blaze.
But some of the biography survived.
I picked up a copy, a Victorian one, at auction.
Which is in rotten colloquial Latin and not really worth bothering with...
But something in what it said got Dr Magwilde here frothy around the nether-regions.
Ouintanus's biographer reckoned he kept two prisoners under the baths.
One of them was a woman.
A 'warrior'.
Or it could translate as 'peasant'.
And it can translate as warrior.
SO.. a Celtic female warrior leads an uprising, is beaten...
But gets away.
Flees south along the only escape route possible, the Fosse Way...
Which could bring her to Bath.
Where the village that hides her is torched.
She's captured by Marcus Quintanus and imprisoned here?
Three points to the pert-breasted tousle-haired siren to my right.
And her name?
- Boadicea!
- Ooohhh!
And you were doing so well.
An 18th century translation error means that everyone gets her name wrong.
Unbelievably beautiful.
Iceni coinage.
Gorgeous!
OK.
So maybe the Celts had Iceni with them or maybe they traded with Iceni.
But it's still a connection to Boudicca.
Warrior queen.
It's not proof.
You ain't won no bet, girl.
Let's get the rest of the stuff.
But wasn't Boudicca defeated in battle?
Didn't she kill herself rather than be taken prisoner, somewhere in the Midlands?
That's what the Romans want us to think.
But... maybe her story continues.
The manuscript says he kept two prisoners.
Who was the other?
And what did Quintanus want with Boudicca?
Probably kept her as a sex slave.
They liked to humiliate the warrior queen by raping her.
Let's just hope she bit off a few Roman bollocks along the way.
What?
What is it, boys?
It's nothing, it's you and her and the whole...
It's nothing, are we set?
SO... good night last night?
Oh, here we go...
No, I'm serious.
Was young Vivienne good company or were you punching below your weight?
She was a laugh. 
End of.
What did you talk about?
You mostly.
Me?
Here we go, here's the baggies.
I love that word, 'baggies'.
Bassies...
So, you going to cough up?
You cannot know Boudicca was here.
Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith.
Or simply go on the evidence in front of you.
You're scared, Ben.
Scared to take a leap.
Ride a little imagination once in a while...
You know sometimes you sound like your mother.
And that scares me.
It's just one of those after tremors that happens twice every millennium.
Um, you can let go of him now.
Look. 
Here..
A jawbone, human.
Adult. 
Multiple fractures.
Oh, that is lovely.
Right, let's see if we can find the rest of him.
Or her.
I should do a strontium test on one of those teeth.
OK, take everything back to the lab.
We'll carry on here.
Viv, you go with him.
But I want to stay on the dig.
Dolly gives good strontium, watch and learn.
That ground was shaking like a kid's fun-house at the fair.
I think we should at least tell somebody...
Ah, that would be tricky as we are down there illegally after all.
Arrests would be made.
A show trial.
We'd find ourselves deported to the University of Holyhead or some similar gulag.
I just wonder if staying down's a bit crazy?
Well, her mother would've stayed.
What did you know about her?
Karen Magwilde? 
Brilliant.
Liked her picture in the papers, even at university.
You were at uni with her?
A spring chicken like me?
Don't be ridiculous.
But you've met her?
What is she like?
It's ancient history.
I like ancient history.
Karen forsook academic inquiry for daydreaming.
Developed an obsession for something..
something spurious.
In Gillian's flat, there's this room.
The walls..
they're covered with pictures of...
All you need to know is that Karen's quest wrecked her.
It lost her her credibility and she suffered a breakdown.
It was tragic.
And now, I worry for Gillian, I really do.
Why?
Sometimes, Vivienne, men become distracted around you, you may have noticed.
This is because they are trying to function while wondering how you'd appear in the shower soaping your naked body.
This has a point I hope.
These thoughts render them incapable of rational judgement.
My point is that a little imagination can be a dangerous thing.
Trust me on that.
Have you got any Valentine's yet?
No, because I'm not a preening twelve-year-old schoolgirl.
Did you?
I haven't checked my in-tray.
So Quintanus probably brought her...
Possibly brought her...
Possibly brought her to this Celtic holy place.
Why?
I mean, yes, there's evidence of a Roman presence with the inscription and that but...
Do you really buy that she was his sex slave?
Well we know from his servant's manuscript that he was a confirmed atheist.
And these are Celt things...
She buried them.
To put the dead to rest.
And maybe.. maybe he let her!
It's coming from the shopping centre.
Check out those crazy acoustics.
Gilly, Quintanus did not bring Boudicca down here, he could have paraded her through the streets of Rome in chains.
He'd have been a hero.
Well, he didn't.
See, there you go again, that's a whopping great leap...
Oh, Mr sodding practical.
'Did you know your Christmas tree's at forty degrees?
'
You still bang on about that, well it was.
First Christmas at university digs.
I just don't think it's a nice way to treat your neighbour.
Slagging off her decorations...
Look, I noticed it was leaning, and Ijust came along..
It was a good thing I had the special base.
Oh, ho ho, yes, I wondered when we'd get to the 'special base'.
That thing with ratchet and clamps.
I mean where did you get that, the Inquisition?
Oh, and then did you ask me to your room to listen to music?
Oh, yes, so sweet.
And I start going out with a man who listens to George Michael.
And I start going out with a girl who likes Queen.
Anyway, it wasn't George Michael.
- Er, Faith?
- Ohh...
Oh, yeah, you've got to have Faith, Mr Practical.
A bit of solidity was what you needed in your life.
You had your mum..
Oh, yes, OK, my mum, yes, she'd gone loop the loop.
Well, that was then.
My tree is straight, metaphorically speaking.
Oh, my God! 
Look!
We'll feed a fibre optic down... and we can have a proper look, Gilly, what are you...?
No, no.. 
What are you doing?
Give over, you George-Michael-loving crazy boy.
We don't know that it's safe...
No jury would convict me.
Gilly... get back up here.
Gilly, come on, we have to go.
Gilly, come on!
Gilly!
Gi...! 
Oh, God, oh, no, Gilly.
Gilly... come here... come on, come on, let's get you up.
Come on. 
Look, look, look at me, look at me, come on, focus, look at me come on... just stop groping me!
Yeah, you're OK.
It's blocked up top.
We can't get out that way.
Hey, look.
'Flamma urit semper. '
The Fire Will Always Burn.
This writing's starting to look obsessive.
They went deeper.
Why?
HEY! 
HEEEYY! 
HELP! 
ANYONE!
We're too deep for anyone to hear us.
What?
Too deep for anyone to hear, which is exactly what they wanted!
The authorities are not ruling out an after-tremor.
The gas leak itself has landed fifteen people in hospital.
Two are thought to be in a critical condition with the remaining...
Now, I want you to cut a decent sized section..
Ah, hard at work, I see.
Please don't mind our special guests.
Professor Parton and his assistant are working on strontium analysis.
Professor?
Oh... 
Well, there are traces of the isotope strontium in everything we eat and drink.
Up until the age of about 12, this strontium builds up in our teeth, but it remains for thousands of years after we die.
Food and water from one valley will carry a different strontium signature than food from elsewhere.
But the interesting..
Thank you, Professor, it's not The Open University.
Would you remind doctors Ergha and Magwilde where they need to be tonight.
Lecture theatre... being impressive.
Shall we go and have a look at the library.
'..
Geologist jeff Greenwood that perhaps this is the result of a leaking gas main.
'I think that's unlikely. 
This gas has a distinct sulphurous odour.
'It's possible that there are large untapped pockets, but more tests.
It sounds like there's something really bad down there.
I think we should call them.
Oh, they're probably bimbling about or on a sarnie break.
This is where the real work is done.
Maybe this means I won't have to do that bloody speech tonight.
Ben!
BEN!
It's purple tesserae.
Well, wow, I'm going to die looking at the rarest Egyptian porphyry I've ever seen¡£
We're not going to die...
Gilly, our way out is blocked by a ton of rock, a ton of rock!
Gilly, that would crush us if we sneezed too loud.
Why didn't you listen to me?
Why can't you just learn to wait?
!
So we're looking for isotope levels associated with alluvial deposits.
Characteristics of East Anglia.
Boudicca's stomping ground.
Precisely. 
We want a strontium 87 to 86 ratio of about 7.08.
No!
Hell's tits!
7.05 which suggests volcanic activity.
- Not Boudicca?
- Not even close.
This jawbone is distinctly bloody Roman.
Quintanus?
Marcus Quintanus.
Magnificent!
No, we know he went back to Rome.
He died there.
But how reliable is this manuscript of yours?
Meaning?
Well, we've found part of a Roman skull.
And Boudicca was no shrinking violet.
Did she kill him down there?
Okay, kill me.
I deserve it.
You know Quintanus laid loads of mosaics.
Look.
Look at the mirror in her hand.
It's like the one they found at the Birdlip dig.
The kind of mirror only possessed by a queen.
A Celtic queen.
Ah, no, no that's insane!
She killed herself in battle!
An ignominious end.
One the Romans could've invented because, because really she escaped.
Gregory... 
Scimmietta mia.
Salsicciotta, bella.
Gloria, you look ravishing as ever.
Oh, well, the cruel passage of time.
No, no, I can only see the top of your head...
Oh, ah!
Bellissimo.
So you call me because the fire of your loins is lit once more?
Never went out, my love.
No, my motives today are purely professional.
Marcus Quintanus, the engineer and inventor.
Now, I know he is supposed to have died in Rome, but could he have been killed here, underneath the baths?
He, of course, died in the Great Fire of Rome.
Well, it was the Christians' revenge, of course.
Nero kept tarring them and setting them alight so he could read at night.
We have a small team in Italy who take an interest in The Life Of Quintanus.
And there are spaces and holes.
But on the matter of Ouintanus's betrayal of Rome...
Betrayal?
My text says nothing about any betrayal.
Your copy of The Life?
19th Century.
Ours is 17th.
More complete.
Now, this earlier version ofthe text - you're sure it says that Quintanus returned from Britain to Rome?
Yes, and he died in the Great Fire.
But before that he did something.
The servant writes of a terrible betrayal of Rome, but we do not know what it was but I will fax to you, scimmietta mia.
Mmm. 
You are my sun, my moon, my stars.
But I ask... 
What is it you have found?
Ah, Celtic goodies.
Maybe even Iceni.
We found these also. 
In Roma.
Iceni coins, in Rome?
Where?
'
I don't know, but I will contact you.
It's all a fascinating mystery.
Like the passion we have for each other.
- Ciao.
- Ciao, bella.
Quintanus returns home and commits an act of betrayal against Rome?
Why?
Well, I know this guy.
What's wrong? 
Why are you crying?
Cupid fires his arrow at Boudicca?
!
Quintanus didn't imprison her down here... he brought her here to protect her!
Th-That's ridiculous.
No, that's what happened.
She stayed down here and he carved his feelings on the wall and laid these little love patterns.
Little love patterns?
Gillian, a Roman for an Iceni?
It makes no sense.
That's right, because love makes no sense.
You know it's not practical, it follows no rules.
You know love is at a forty degree angle and it can not be straightened.
They are the two prisoners mentioned in The Life...
Quintanus and Boudicca.
Trapped by their love.
Ben...
There's a breeze coming through these tesserae.
And there's something nastier coming the other way.
What, it's gas?
Gas! 
It's gas!
Where's it coming from?
Everywhere! 
The walls... it's seeping in everywhere!
Why's it coming now?
It's diffusing through the fissures in the rock.
DO it! 
DO IT!
The gas is heavier than the air.
We need to find a way above it.
Keep moving.
Gillian, keep going.
Archaeology department, hello?
'Hello, can I speak to Dr Magwilde, please?
'
She's not here, I can take a message.
'Oh, that will be perfect.
Ask her if she's received the book. '
The book?
Hello?
I think we're OK.
I think we're OK.
It's way behind us now.
Boudicca... in love with a Roman?
!
Admit it!
Look, I'll admit it's a love story, yes.
We don't know it was Boudicca or that it was Quintanus.
All we know is that we're being pursued by sulphuric gas...
Ben..
this is a..
My God, I don't believe it.
What does it look like to you?
Looks like an apple.
Maybe the high mineral content in the water... over the centuries, created this mineral fossil.
Look at that! 
It's beautiful... the atmospheric conditions stopped it rotting... preserved it.
It hasn't affected these.
No, only organic material.
No idea.
Some sort of burial ritual?
Canopicjars...
For ashes or organs or something?
There's liquid in this one.
It's two chambers.
There's water in one and some kind of tar in the other.
A pyrophoric reaction.
Good word-use.
Why, thank you!
Oh, God!
- You all right?
- Yeah, are you OK?
Yeah, yeah...
I think I lost an eyebrow.
So, when the liquid from the two chambers are mixed...
It's a weapon.
It's kinda like a Roman hand-grenade.
Something that would come in handy if you're going to torch a Celtic village.
If these are Quintanus's weapons, what was he trying to protect?
just please be careful.
Saltpetre, quicklime..
it's basically napalm.
You need sulphur to make this.
Quintanus must have stockpiled it.
There could be tons of this stuff hidden down here.
Moisture is added through the rocks over centuries and produces the gas.
The gas builds up, it explodes, boom!
That's your earth tremor.
Gillian we can't stay here...
Oh, my God!
They must be buried out there.
It's a minefield.
That's the gas...
Eventually that stuff's going to catch up to us and we'll pass out.
Yeah, we're in big trouble, I'm glad you've worked that out now.
It's Viv...calling, please.
I still can't raise the others.
Marvellous!
Whole pieces of the Quintanus manuscript I've never seen.
Good old Gloria.
This page... it's got writing across it at right angles.
It's all faded.
It's a palimpsest.
Written at right anglesjust like the ancient Archimedes manuscripts.
So the original layer was scrubbed out and written over?
When the fax machine scanned it, it flooded the document with light revealing whatever lay beneath.
According to this, Quintanus, the architect and engineer also designed a remarkable new weapon.
Good God...
Cassius the General ofthe Ninth Legion made him test it on the villages they suspected of harbouring a warrior Celt.
The settlements along the Fosse Way that Gillian was talking about?
He was made to burn them in their hunt for Boudicca.
No wonder Quintanus preferred to remain an atheist.
Who would want any god judging them after that?
Forgive me.
Ben, we have to go across.
I'll go first.
No, no, no!
No, I have to! 
I got us into this.
Yes, you did... but I'll get us out.
Right...
OK...
No, erm, don't get too close to me, OK? 
In case I...
Well, in case.
You should have gone first.
I am.
But you didn't.
What are you on about?
Valentine's Day.
The gas has gotten to you.
Down here, Ben, in this dark, terrible place, two people needed each other and they fell in love and they tried to protect that love from a cruel, heartless world.
? 
With their minefield of I'amour I swear if you keep going,
I'll step on a bomb deliberately.
I knew you wouldn't do it.
I knew you wouldn't propose.
So I went first.
Maybe you could have chosen a more convenient time to discuss this?
Well, no, Ben, because actually, this terrible place is all about love.
And I think we're going to die.
I proposed to you... .. On Valentine's Day 1992... .. On bended knee.
And you answered.
And something in me broke.
My life was at forty degrees and yours was straight up but that doesn't mean that you should have said no.
That that was the end of us.
And every year at this time...
.. well, I just think about that.
Look, Gillian... just because I said no, it doesn't mean that I didn't... by Wet Wet Wet Well, this could not get any weirder.
Come on, all right?
Come on...
That's it, that's it...
You scared me, Gillian.
You were always so obsessed with your work.
I knew I was going to be second fiddle and it scared me.
It's love.
You're meant to be scared.
.. that was a long time ago.
Well, so was all this.
But it can still hurt you.
Oh, my God.
What?
Tingling down my spine.
Those hand grenades were booby traps, maybe there's something down here. 
Something hidden.
We're close.
Do you believe me?
I don't know what to believe any more.
That's OK.
I'll believe for both of us.
So, what have you got?
Those who believe go to Minerva's seat where the Sun God gazes upon the face of janus.
Now this is odd because this is mixing Roman gods with Celtic ones.
And this?
Incende. 
Incende.
'Burn. 
Burn.
'Burn. '
What did that inscription say?
'The fire will always burn'.
You see this is good Latin, educated grammar.
So not written by the servant?
Perhaps these lines are written by Quintanus?
Old Marcus writes a load of inflammatory rant.
Then he goes and does something against Rome, a 'betrayal'.
His slave rubs out all the evidence and dashes off a little whitewash job about all the wonderful weapons his master built for the Ninth Legion.
You got mail.
Oh...
This is from my Roman goddess, Gloria.
Oh, now this is interesting...
This coin...
Her people found some scattered among the remains of Nero's palace.
So did Quintanus throw Iceni coins around in Rome?
While Rome burned?
And there's another connection, this talks about Minerva's Seat, and the baths were dedicated to the goddess Minerva.
This was her seat.
Let's go and get Gillian and Ben.
We'll show them what we've got.
They'll be glad of a little excitement.
Come on.
What's going on? 
What the hell's happened?
There was an aftershock and it caved.
We've roped off. 
When it's light...
No, hold your horses!
- We can't leave them...
- What?
Our friends are down there!
They've been down there all afternoon.
Trapped while we've been...
God damn! 
Damn it!
just wait right there! 
Don't move!
Oi! 
We've got people trapped down there!
We're testing teeth and reading bloody Latin while they've been...
Gregory, you idiot!
Mea culpa! 
Mea culpa!
That's her.
The calcium carbonate mineralised the body and over the years crystals have grown around it.
Queen ofthe Britons.
It's written in some kind of tar.
And he, a Roman, declares her the rightful queen of Britain.
We found her...
- Can they still be alive?
- Of course.
Of course they can.
If there was another exit...
How can we know?
There are no maps, no Roman plans...
- janus!
- What?
Those who believe go to Minerva's seat where the Sun God gazes upon the face of janus.
Now Marcus Quintanus wrote that.
And?
janus is the god of exits and entrances.
Minerva's seat, that's this place, dedicated to the goddess Sulis Minerva.
This Sun God in all probability was placed on a pediment at the entrance to the baths.
Now that's bizarre!
If it's Celtic!
Why would a Roman do that?
To honour the Celts.
Boudicca!
To point to the secret entrance of a Celtic holy place he wanted to preserve.
So there's an entrance.
Or an exit, if you're trying to escape.
Yes!
A secret shrine.
How do you think she died?
If they were discovered, perhaps she was killed.
Let's hope the jawbone we dug up belonged to the man who found them
The bastard got what he deserved.
My Queen
Alive
In chains
Along the via Appia
My prisoner
Come, or more of your people... die at the hands of neat little weapons... of Quintanus
Queen of the Britons.
You are under arrest
So if the Sun God was up there that puts him facing the Abbey.
That wouldn't have been there then.
It was just open land leading down to the Avon.
just the river...
The river!
The Romans sluiced all the waste water from these baths directly from the baths down to the river Avon!
- Ask me how?
- How?
A great drain!
They're trying to get us out.
At this rate they'll kill us.
They're dislodging the pockets in the water-table ... Water?
!
Oh, no, no, no, no, that's not good.
Too much water mixing with the saltpetre...
And we're standing in a big bomb.
- Hey! 
Stop!
- Stop!
- Stop drilling!
- Stop drilling!
Stop! 
Stop drilling!
We may have to blast.
Boudicca! 
No, no, leave her!
Leave her!
Leave her!
Look at me! 
Look at me.
Now, that imagination of yours, You have permission to use it.
OK... 
Quintanus brought her here but we know he didn't die with her because he went back to Rome.
OK...
And he laid traps behind him to kill anyone that entered the caves.
And?
And, and..
and so there has to be another way out.
Right, come on, we've got to find it.
Gilly, I think I've found it!
Shouldn't we tell someone what we're doing?
Bureaucracy is overrated.
Come on...
Give us some help!
Did you hear that?
Over here.
Ben?
! 
GILLIAN!
GILLIAN! 
HELLO!
Ben!
BEN!
Gillian! 
Ben!
- Here!
- Here!
We're in here!
Where's it coming from?
Here! 
The Sun God!
What do we do? 
Pray?
Hold this.
Come on!
Come on, come on!
Come on, jump!
Gilly, Gilly come on.
What the hell were you playing at?
Did you break anything up there?
No, it was fine.
just a routine dig.
Are you OK?
I think so.
I thought we'd lost you.
You don't get rid of me that easily.
Come on.
She lost.
No, no, she won.
Quintanus avenged her.
How?
He set fire to Rome.
He knew how to set a blaze.
And before he died, he threw Iceni coins into the ravaged palace of Nero.
Boudicca won.
That's a big 'what if'.
Well, sometimes, in this job, you've got to take a leap.
Your hair...
What?
Three years at uni and you never knew.
What?
What we all called you behind your back.
Boudicca, the Celtic warrior queen.
Let's get a drink.
There you go, then.
The human heart, OK.
A tough, blood-drenched organ.
So, in terms of this speech, I've given it some thought.
I think I'd like to say something like this -
Most archaeologists believe that the question 'what if?
' is not a useful one.
You see, we deal in the tangible, the measurable.
But when we dig into the ground, perhaps we are opening the pages of a book.
And reading the first line ofthe first chapter.
Once upon a time there was a man.
Once upon a time there was a woman.
We can know what height they were.
We can learn what they wore or what they ate.
But... can we know what moods touched them?
The dreams they had?
The loves?
What we do know is that people do not fit into boxes and therefore neither does the history they make.
Human life isn't straight and rigid.
It's kinked, it's at an angle.
If archaeologists don't, from time to time, use their imagination, then they are in danger of missing those kinks.
Yes, we need evidence, but evidence will only get us so far.
Then... then we need to dream a little.
Because it's by dreaming that we can make that vital leap back into another time.
Dreaming isn't without its risks, its ridicule, its ruin even.
We have to be brave enough to take such a step.
And some...
.. well, some are braver than others.
So, here's to the science, and here's to the scientific dreamers who are invariably the pioneers.
Bravissimo.
Excellent work, doctor.
You'll have them eating out of your shoe.
Let's pop a jacket on. 
Shall we?
You look like a farmer's son.
You got it then.
What?
just wanted to check you'd got the package.
What do you know about it?
Just a man called.
But he didn't leave a name.
Who called?
Henry Timberdyne?
I just told you, he didn't leave a name!
Why are you here, Vivienne?
This came from the geologists.
The drilling and blasting released crap off the walls and they thought we'd like to see what was exposed.
That sword...
Yes, that sword. 
Or a sword.
Or no sword in particular.
Gilly, a little pioneering imagination is wonderful but it can also be a dangerous thing.
Young Viv worships you, you know?
She'd follow you anywhere.
Please be careful where you lead her, eh?
Cultural delegation from Iraq.
I am here for something so important.
We were the cradle of civilisation.
We had sex twice.
That's the one.
Babylonian devil worship?
If she's with him, her life is at risk.
Do you get to wear a cape and a mask?
Damn that woman.
Sorry, mate.
So important a man has died over it?
Where is she?
I've got an Etruscan spear in my hand and I'm not afraid to use it.
You don't know what's at stake!

leverage s01ep04
DO YOU KNOW THE SPEECH?
I KNOW THE GIST OF IT.
YOU MEMORIZE ENTIRE HOMILIES.
HOMILIES ARE POETRY.
A PLEA BEFORE THE CITY COUNCIL IS DEMEANING.
ESTEEMED COUNCILMEN,
IN A FEW DAYS, ST. 
NICHOLAS CHURCH WILL BE TORN DOWN.
I HAVE COME BEFORE YOU FOR THE FOURTH TIME
TO BEG FOR YOUR CONDESCENSION --
CONSIDERATION.
WHICH YOU HAVE NEVER SHOWN BEFORE.
TO BLOCK THE SALE OF THE CHURCH.
BECAUSE WE'RE NOT JUST LOSING A BUILDING,
WE'RE LOSING A SACRAMENT.
THE COMMUNION WITH OUR NEIGHBORS IS OUR MASS.
NOT BAD, HUH?
help!
somebody help!
somebody, please!
FATHER PAUL!
help, oh?
we need a?
leverage headquarters
HEY. 
SOPHIE'S HERE.
MAN, WHAT DO I TELL HER?
ANYTHING BUT THE TRUTH.
- HEY.
- HEY!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING TO MY PLAY LAST NIGHT.
LAST NIGHT WAS AWESOME.
THANKS, PARKER.
YEAH, IT WAS LIKE A HORROR MOVIE.
"ATTENTION MUST BE PAID!"
OH.
YEAH, I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST PERSON
I WOULD THINK OF TO PLAY WILLY LOMAN,
BUT YOU -
- YOU WORKED IT OUT.
Yeah.
OH!
THAT WAS THE WORST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.
COME ON, MAN, YOU'VE BEEN IN WORSE SITUATIONS.
HA HA HA!
NO. 
NO, THAT WAS THE WORST.
MM!
HOW GREAT WERE YOU?
I MEAN, THEY OUGHT TO CALL IT,
UH, "DEATH OF A SALESWOMAN."
WHAT A GREAT COMMENTARY ON THE GLASS CEILING FOR WOMEN IN CORPORATE AMERICA.
NATE, I-I PLAYED THE PART AS A MAN.
YES.
AND BRILLIANTLY.
THANKS.
YEAH, I MEAN, YOU WERE -
- HUH?
HOLD ON. 
I HAVE TO, UH...
OH.
HI. 
MAGGIE?
is everything okay?
WHO'S MAGGIE?
NATE'S EX-WIFE.
HEY.
IF I THOUGHT I'D GETYOUTO VISIT,
I'D HAVE GOTTEN MY RIBS KICKED IN A LITTLE SOONER.
HOW YOU DOIN', PAUL?
I GOT MY SHOTS IN.
I POPPED THE FIRST GUY IN THE SHOULDER BEFORE I BLACKED OUT.
YEAH. 
I KNOW.
I -
- I READ THE POLICE REPORT.
YOU READ THE POLICE REPORT?
I DO THAT.
YOU TALK TO MAGGIE?
DO YOU THINK IT WAS A COINCIDENCE
THAT YOU GOT ATTACKED ON YOUR WAY TO BEG THE CITY COUNCIL TO SAVE YOUR CHURCH?
NO, I DON'T.
YOU TALK TO MAGGIE A LOT?
yeah, WHEN IS THE SALE FINAL...
ON THE CHURCH?
ESCROW CLOSES MONDAY. 
WHY?
CODE BLUE. 
PEDIATRICS.
CODE BLUE.
I KNOW HOSPITALS ARE TOUGH FOR YOU.
PAUL, HAVE YOU TRIED LEGAL ACTION?
I MEAN, MAYBE AN INJUNCTION --
WITH WHAT MONEY?
I THOUGHT IT WAS GOD'S PLAN FOR ME TO SAVE THE CHURCH, NATE.
I WAS WRONG.
BUT WE'RE GONNA HAVE ONE LAST MASS ON SUNDAY,
AND I PLAN TO MAKE THE MOST OF IT.
YOU SHOULD BE THERE.
IT'S NOT GONNA BE YOUR LAST MASS, PAUL.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
NATE?
JUST...
MOVE GOD'S... plans along.
THAT'S ST. 
NICHOLAS?
YES.
SANTA CLAUS HAS A CHURCH?
HE'S NOT SANTA CLAUS.
I KNOW THIS IS NOT OUR USUAL KIND OF CASE.
I REALI-
- BUT BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING,
PAUL IS AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE,
AND HE HAS HELPED THE POOR PARISHES -- 
- NATE. 
NATE, NATE.
- MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER --
WE'RE TAKING THE CASE.
- OH.
- YEAH.
OH. 
GREAT. 
GOOD. 
OH.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, UH, THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A STRONG-ARM MANEUVER
THAT'S HAPPENED HERE --
GET RID OF THE ACTIVIST PRIEST
AND THE SALE CLOSES ON MONDAY.
DO WE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHO BOUGHT THE CHURCH?
THE SIGN OUTSIDE SAID IT WAS SOLD TO CANNITY CORP.
NOW, CANNITY CORP IS A WHOLLY OWNED SUBSIDIARY OF STB INTERNATIONAL,
WHICH IS A PARENT COMPANY OF AKAI DIVERSIFIED,
WHICH IS THE U.S. SUBSIDIARY OF CANNITY CORP.
THAT IS A LOT OF TROUBLE TO GO TO FOR BUYING AN OLD CHURCH.
YEAH, SO, CANNITY CORP -- THAT'S OBVIOUSLY THE FRONT.
PARKER, CHECK ALL THE ADDRESSES FOR THE REALTY COMPANIES.
ELIOT, HARDISON -
- FIND THE LOCAL TALENT THAT ATTACKED PAUL.
UM, HE MESSED UP ONE OF THEIR SHOULDERS, IF THAT HELPS.
- SO...
- NO, NO.
- LET'S GO, COME ON.
- I DON'T DO GANGS.
COME ON. 
WE GOT SOME FRESH AIR.
GET OFF THE COMPUTER.
- I RAPPEL.
- COME ON!
DID NO ONE SEE ME RAPPEL?
OH, I HEARD ABOUT IT.
YOU GONNA BE OKAY?
HE'S AN OLD FRIEND.
I OWE HIM.
YOU THINK THAT WE JUST GONNA WALK INTO SOME RANDOM TUNNEL
AND FIND SOME CHOLOS JUST ALL YOKED UP?
- YOU KNOW?
- HARDISON --
"YO, HOLMES, LET ME FIX..."
- DUDE, - ?
QUIET.
LISTEN.
BOYS. 
WE DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE.
ALL RIGHT? 
WE JUST WANT SOME ANSWERS.
HOW'S THIS ANSWER?
GENTLEMEN...
I'M ASKING ON ONE OF YOUR COLLEAGUES,
SOMEBODY WHO ROLLED A PRIEST.
WHO WAS IT?
YOU SEEING THIS, HARDISON?
THE--THE SITUATION HAS MY ATTENTION, YES.
YOU SEE, THAT'S WHY I DON'T LIKE GUNS.
THEY HAVE A SPECIFIC RANGE OF EFFICACY.
SEE, MOST GUYS MAKE ONE MISTAKE.
THEY GET TOO CLOSE.
WHO ROLLED...
A PRIEST?
WE DIDN'T BEAT UP NO PRIEST.
WE ARE NOT ?
.
DISLOCATED SHOULDER'S A BITCH.
PRIEST GAVE HIM THAT.
YOU BEAT UP A PRIEST?
DO YOU MIND?
BE MY GUEST.
YOU GOT A LONG PENANCE AHEAD OF YOU.
START BY ANSWERING THE MAN'S QUESTIONS.
NOW!
WHO HIRED YOU?
I DON'T KNOW. 
I GOT A CALL ON MY CELL WITH AN OFFER,
AND I CALLED HIM BACK AFTER THE JOB WAS DONE.
HE PAID ME. 
THAT'S ALL I KNOW.
I SWEAR.
YOU GOT A NUMBER?
CAN YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THAT?
SEVEN DIGITS. 
I COULD FIND YOU ON MARS.
GENTLEMEN, WE'LL LEAVE YOU TO YOUR INTERNAL AFFAIRS.
COME ON.
HOW 'BOUT THAT?
MAN, YOU -
- YOU SEE ME?
HE WAS INJURED.
WELL, SOMEBODY GOT TO FIGHT THE INJURED.
SHOOT, THAT'S MY NICHE.
?
TRACE ON THE GANGBANGER'S CALL,
IT ROUTED THROUGH THIS DUDE'S NUMBER FROM A PAY PHONE.
SO WE GOT NOTHING.
HOLD ON. 
HOLD ON.
THE PAY PHONE IS LOCATED HERE --
THE RESIDENCES AT 8th.
LUXURY CONDOS BROUGHT TO YOU BY ANDREW GRANT.
YEAH, I KNOW THIS GUY.
HE BUILT THE MEADOW MALL ON THE WEST SIDE --
YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH THE MONORAIL.
NOW, THIS GUY DOESN'T HAPPEN TO OWN ANY OF THE SHELL COMPANIES
THAT BOUGHT THE CHURCH, DOES HE?
WELL, I -
- I CAN'T PROVE THAT,
BUT --
LET'S JUST PUT IT THIS WAY --
THOSE SHELL COMPANIES HAVE THEIR DADDY'S LYIN' EYES.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT THIS GRANT GUY?
WELL, THE MAN'S A MEDIA WHORE.
HE WENT THROUGH LIKE NINE PUBLICISTS LAST YEAR ALONE.
HE'S, UH, CUTTING THE RIBBON ON THIS PLACE TOMORROW.
ALSO, GRANT SURVIVED A HELICOPTER CRASH LAST YEAR.
CHECKED OUT HIS PHARMACY ACCOUNT.
THE MAN POPS ANTIANXIETY PILLS LIKE PEZ.
WELL...
PUBLICISTS ARE LIKE PRIESTS.
YOU GOT TO TELL THEM ALL YOUR SECRETS.
SO THAT'S OUR WAY IN.
THE QUESTION IS -
- HOW?
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
IF THIS GUY BEAT UP A PRIEST WE'RE NOT GOING EASY ON HIM.
I GOT A DOZEN REPORTERS WAITING FOR ME DOWNSTAIRS,
AND THE BACKDROP FOR MY RIBBON CUTTING ISSCAFFOLDING?
IT WAS A MISCOMMUNICATION.
ISN'T THAT WHAT I PAY YOU FOR, TOMAS?
TO COMMUNICATE?
STOP SCREWING UP.
MR. GRANT?
KRISTI CONNELLY.
I'M A REPORTER WITHTHE LEDGER.
I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS.
MISS CONNELLY, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GOT UP HERE,
BUT THE PRESS CONFERENCE IS DOWN IN THE LOBBY.
- IT STARTS IN 10 MINUTES.
- NO, NO, I UNDERSTAND.
I JUST WONDERED IF I COULD HAVE A MOMENT -- 
- WHERE'S THE FOREMAN?
!
- OF YOUR TIME.
FRANCO!
WILLY WONKA'S HERE.
GOOD.
HIS RIDE'S ALMOST HERE.
OKAY...
SHOWTIME.
ALL RIGHT, DID YOU REMBER THE BIG SCISSORS THIS TIME?
DID YOU REMEMBER 'EM?
-OH, OH!
- OH.
OH, MY GOD! 
ARE YOU OKAY?
YEAH. 
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- I'M SO SORRY!
- ?
- I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT.
- THAT'S OK. 
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
JUST BE MORE CAREFUL NEXT TIME. 
OKAY.
- OH, MY GOD.
- I'M SO SORRY.
I'M SORRY, MAN.
I APOLOGIZE ABOUT THAT.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
!
I HAD A LOT OF TEQUILA LAST NIGHT. 
I'M SORRY.
WATCH YOUR FOCUS, CUERVO. 
ALL RIGHT?
I FEEL REALLY BAD.
YOU KNOW WHAT? 
FEEL BAD, ALL RIGHT?
- JUST GET BACK TO WORK.
- OH, THANKS.
Capture:
FRM@Evelyn~zx Sync:
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OH!
OH.
OH, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
THEY'RE FIXING UP THIS LIFT, RIGHT?
THERE'S PROBABLY A FEW BUGS TO WORK OUT.
UNACCEPTABLE.
I'M CALLING THE CONTRACTOR.
OH, SERIOUSLY? 
NO SIGNAL?
OHH!
OKAY. 
THAT'S...
WEIRD.
YEAH.
I'M NOT CRAZY ABOUT HEIGHTS.
OR ENCLOSED SPACES.
WHAT IS THAT YOU JUST TOOK?
XANAX.
For my nerves.
ACTUALLY, CAFFEINE.
WITH A DASH OF DEXTROAMPHETAMINE.
?
ARE YOU GETTING ANY AIR AT ALL DOWN THERE?
GOD, I THINK THEY'VE SUCKED ALL THE OXYGEN OUT OF HERE.
THEY'RE TORTURING ME.
IT'S LIKE THE WITCHES' OVEN IN "HANSEL AND GRETEL" OR SOMETHING.
THEY'RE JUST ROASTING US LIKE A TURKEY!
YOU GAVE HIM SPEED?
HE BEAT UP A PRIEST.
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
?
CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME?
I'M GONNA FIRE EVERY ONE OF YOU!
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!
YOU ARE SO FIRED!
MR. GRANT.
IS ANYBODY EVEN LISTENING?
- MR. GRANT.
- WHAT?
THE PRESS.
THEY'RE STILL DOWN THERE.
WE'VE ONLY BEEN UP HERE FOR HALF AN HOUR.
OH, GOD.
OH, GOD. 
OH, THEY'RE GONNA HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH ME.
- I MEAN, LOOK AT ME.
- SEND US HOME.
OH! 
SEE?
NO. 
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I CAN'T, I CAN'T --
COME ON. 
YOU'VE GOT TO STAND UP AND PICK ME UP.
YES. 
YES, TRUST ME.
- COME ON. 
TRUST ME.
- WHAT?
TRUST ME. 
AND PICK ME UP.
SOMEONE?
?
SHE FAINTED! 
SHE FAINTED!
SHE FAINTED! 
COME ON! 
COME ON!
MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, WOULD YA?
THIS WOMAN NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION!
OKAY, COME ON. 
COME ON!
COME ON. 
YOU'LL BE OKAY.
STAY WITH ME, SWEETHEART.
STAY WITH ME. 
STAY WITH ME.
GET SOME -
- WOULD YOU --?
OKAY. 
OKAY, OKAY, SWEETHEART.
OKAY. 
YOU'LL BE OKAY.
MISS CONNELLY, YOU JUST GOT YOURSELF AN INTERVIEW.
OKAY, BACK OFF! 
NO MORE PICTURES, OKAY?
SO, UM, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY HAS BEEN THE KEY TO YOUR, UM --
OH, THANKS.
METEORIC RISE? 
HUH?
AN APPETITE FOR RISK? 
HARD WORK?
A BIT OF LUCK HERE AND THERE?
THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER.
I'M SORRY?
KRISTI.
HOW DID YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO IN THERE?
OH, THAT. 
I'M A REPORTER.
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND,
REPORTERS, WE'RE LAZY BY NATURE.
ALL WE WANT IS A STORY, A NARRATIVE.
AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE STORY THEY'RE WRITING,
JUST GIVE THEM A NEW ONE.
THEY'LL THANK YOU FOR IT.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO A STORY ON ME.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I WANT YOU TO MAKE SURE EVERYONEELSE IS DOING A STORY ON ME.
I SAW THE WAY YOU HANDLED THE PRESS BACK THERE.
I WANT YOU TO BE MY NEW PUBLICIST.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY,
EXCEPT... 
WHEN CAN I START?
!
HOW 'BOUT TOMORROW?
OF COURSE IF I'M GONNA BE YOUR PUBLICIST, ANDY?
I'M GONNA NEED COMPLETE ACCESS TO YOUR BUSINESS.
THERE CAN'T BE ANY SECRETS BETWEEN US.
NONE.
LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
HE'S BUILDING ANOTHER MALL ON THE SITE OF THE CHURCH.
IT'S NOT EVEN A MALL.
IT'S A BLOODY "LIFESTYLE" CENTER.
EAT, WORK, SHOP, PLAY, ALL IN ONE PLACE.
I DON'T LIKE THIS GUY. 
I HATE HIM.
HE DOESN'T WANT THE CLOSING OF THE CHURCH CONNECTED TO HIM?
I'LL BET HE'S GOT THE CITY COUNCIL IN HIS POCKET
AND GOT THE LAND FOR A SONG.
ONCE THIS DEAL CLOSES, HE'S FREE AND CLEAR.
BY THE TIME THEY BREAK GROUND ON THIS MALL,
- HE'LL BE UNTOUCHABLE.
- FORGET ST. 
NICK.
WE'D BE BETTER OFF WITH THE PATRON SAINT OF LOST CAUSES.
NO, NO, NO. 
HE TRUSTS YOU.
YOU CAN HOOK HIM.
YEAH, I KNOW I CAN, NATE, BUT THERE'S NO TIME.
I MEAN, WE NEED A LONG CON FOR THIS JOB. 
RIGHT?
IN THREE DAYS, HE OWNS THAT CHURCH.
SO WE GOT TO HIT HIM HARD NOW, INDIRECTLY.
YOU KNOW, STALL THE CLOSING.
AND BUY ENOUGH TIME TO BRING HIM IN FOR A LONGER GAME.
YOU REALLY THINK HE'S GONNA FALL FOR THAT?
THIS GUY? 
I GOT TO BE HONEST WITH YOU --
WE'RE GONNA NEED A MIRACLE TO SAVE THIS CHURCH.
SO LET'S, UH, GO STEAL OURSELVES A MIRACLE.
WHEN THAT CHURCH MIRACLE AS THE WORK OF GOD?
,
USUALLY THROUGH THE PRAYERS AND INTERCESSIONS OF A SAINT,
FOR SOME SPECIFIC PURPOSE,
FREQUENTLY THE CONVERSION OF THE UNBELIEVING.
HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS STUFF?
I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH FATHER PAUL.
TO, UH...
SEMINARY SCHOOL.
SO YOU DROPPED OUT OF PRIEST SCHOOL TO BECOME A --
AN INSURANCE COP?
AND NOW YOU'RE THE LEADER OF A BAND OF THIEVES.
NICE.
YOU'RE A CATHOLIC WHO WANTS TO FAKE A MIRACLE.
I'M PRETTY SURE THAT PUTS US IN MORAL-SIN TERRITORY.
SO NOW YOU'RE RELIGIOUS, TOO?
NO, NO, I'M NOT DENOMINATIONAL.
IT'S JUST, I NEVER DO ANYTHING MY NANA SAID "DON'T DO."
THIS, WHAT WE DOIN', IT JUST DON'T SEEM RIGHT.
WHAT DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT?
LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE A CHURCH, RIGHT?
SO, FAKING A MIRACLE, TO ME, SEEMS LIKE THE QUICKEST WAY TO DO THAT.
EVEN ANDREW GRANT'S NOT GONNA BUILD A MALL ON A HOLY SITE.
RIGHT, SO WE NEED THREE THINGS.
WE NEED A MIRACLE, WE NEED PUBLICITY,
AND WE NEED TO KEEP FATHER PAUL OUT OF THE WAY.
HE CAN'T BE INVOLVED IN THIS AT ALL.
REPORTERS FOLLOW GRANT AROUND IN PACKS.
LET'S -
- LET'S USE HIM AS BAIT.
USE HIS OWN PUBLICITY TO WRECK HIS PROJECT.
THAT'S ELEGANT.
OKAY.
PARKER, WE NEED YOU TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL
AND KEEP FATHER PAUL THERE NO MATTER WHAT -
- UP TO A POINT.
BUT KEEP HIM IN THE HOSPITAL.
ELIOT, YOU'RE THE RETRIEVAL SPECIALIST.
GIVE HARDISON ANYTHING HE NEEDS.
AS LONG AS I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING IMMORAL.
AH, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
NO, I JUST NEED YOU TO FIGURE OUT,
YOU KNOW, HOW TO FAKE A MIRACLE.
WE ALL GOING TO HELL.
YOU KNOW I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE IN A COUPLE HOURS.
YEAH, IT'S JUST A FEW LAST TESTS TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE.
YOU LEAKED THIS?
They're calling for his head.
IT'S A P.R. NIGHTMARE.
TRUST ME, HE'S RATTLED, VULNERABLE --
AWW, JUST RIGHT FOR ME TO KISS AND MAKE BOO-BOO BETTER.
HE'LL BE A MINUTE.
IT'S BUSY TODAY.
IT CERTAINLY IS.
SO, WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON ALL OF THIS?
THE NEW MALL?
I MEAN LIFESTYLE CENTER?
WE'RE BUILDING RIGHT AROUND WHERE I GREW UP.
I FIGURED IT WOULD SWEEP OUT THE GANGS.
GOOD ON YA.
YOU'RE A COMPANY MAN.
YES ? 
THANK YOU FOR YOUR OPINION.
OK, I JUST RECEIVED A THREATENING PHONE CALL --
FROM A NUN!
WELL, MR. GRANT, THE PROBLEM IS THE REPORTERS HAVE THEIR STORY.
YEAH, "ANDREW GRANT, NEIGHBORHOOD WRECKER."
LIKE THERE'S EVEN A NEIGHBORHOOD THERE.
IT'S A BUNCH OF LOSERS AND BURNT-OUT BUILDINGS.
THE PROBLEM IS, THEY HAVE THE WRONG STORY.
AND WHAT DO WE DO WHEN REPORTERS HAVE THE WRONG STORY?
GIVE THEM A NEW ONE?
YOU NEED TO TAKE CONTROL OF THIS.
MAKE AN OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.
GIVE THEM THE OTHER STORY.
YEAH, SURE. 
OF COURSE.
THE CHURCH.
DO IT AT THE CHURCH.
THE CHURCH'S DOORS ARE CLOSING --
AWW -
- BOOHOO --
BUT YOU'RE OPENING NEW DOORS.
OPPORTUNITY FOR ALL!
YES.
YES. 
TOMAS?
WE'LL MAKE THE OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT DOWN ON FIRST!
HUH? 
CALL EVERY REPORTER IN THE CITY!
WONDERFUL. 
I'LL SET IT UP.
COME ON, COME ON.?
COME ON, WE? 
GO?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, TOMAS?
I'M COMING, MR GRENT.
ALL RIGHT, FATHER, I GOT YOUR TEST RESULTS RIGHT HERE.
MM. HIGH CHOLESTEROL,
ELEVATED SED RATE.
AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE PREGNANT.
I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO STICK AROUND AND RE-TEST.
BEHOLD!
I HAVE MADE THE STATUES MULTIPLY.
WELL, I GOT TO SAY, IT LOOKS PRETTY GOOD, HARDISON.
I MEAN -
- YEAH.
IT'S, UH POLYSTYRENE?
AMONGST OTHER THINGS.
DON'T EAT IT.
OR BREATHE NEAR IT.
ALL RIGHT.
SHOW US WHAT YOU GOT.
TEST SUBJECT NUMBER ONE.
YEAH, NO, YEAH, I SAID BLEEDING TEARS,
NOT -
- NOT BLEEDING EARS.
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, MAN.
YOU'RE LUCKY, ON THIS DEADLINE,
I DIDN'T GIVE YOU A BAKING SODA VOLCANO.
YEAH, THIS -
- THIS IS --
OKAY, WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?
LOOKS RIDICULOUS.
STIGMATA PAINTBALL GUN.
WELL, NO, NO, NO, NO. 
NO.
- YEAH.
- YEAH.
NOW -
- HOW DOES THAT WORK?
I'VE BEEN PRACTICING. 
CHECK ME OUT.
OKAY, HARDISON,
WOULD YOU JUST MAKE THE STATUE CRY WITHOUT MELTING ST. 
NICK'S HEAD?
DON'T MELT SANTA!
- HE'S NOT SANTA!
- HE'S NOT SANTA!
WHAT ARE YOU, 10 FEET FROM THERE?
HOW CAN YOU MISS THAT?
- YOU STAND RIGHT HERE.
- EVERYBODY CAN'T BE ELIOT.
- UNBELIEVABLE.
- SHUT UP. 
SHUT UP.
GRANT LINED UP?
UH-HUH. 
YEAH, HE'LL BE THERE,
WITH THE PRESS.
OH, UM, I'VE BEEN --
I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU.
UH, HOW WAS IT, YOU KNOW, TALKG TO MAGGIE AGAIN?
UH, GOOD.
YEAH, STRANGE. 
GOOD.
YEAH, I STILL FEEL, UH...
WHAT? 
GUILTY?
ABOUT SAM?
NO, NO, NOT THAT. 
WELL, YEAH.
I MEAN...
YEAH, AND OTHER THINGS.
THINGS, BUT...
YOU NEVER CHEATED ON HER, NATE.
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
TEMPTED.
- NO. 
NO, YOU WEREN'T.
- I WAS.
NOT REALLY.
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE GOOD GUY.
THAT'S -
- THAT'S WHAT MADE IT FUN.
WELL, PART OF WHAT MADE IT FUN BETWEEN US BACK THEN.
BACK THEN. 
YEAH.
AND...
WHAT ABOUT NOW?
I DON'T KNOW. 
WHAT ABOUT NOW?
THAT'S WHAT WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT.
BY "WE," UM, I MEAN "YOU" OF COURSE.
OF COURSE.
OF COURSE.
JUST, UM...
DON'T TAKE TOO LONG.
A LIFESTYLE CENTER TO REVITALIZE THE LIFE OF THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
A PULSING HEART OF OPPORTUNITY
- AND COMMERCE IN THE CENTER OF THE COMMUNITY.
- EVERYBODY, COME QUICKLY!
YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!
IT'S A MIRACLE!
It's a miracle.
It's a miracle.
I WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
NOT TOO BAD.
IT WAS NOTHING, REALLY.
IT'S JUST BASIC CHEMISTRY.
AN OIL POLYMER THAT REACTS WITH A SECONDARY CHEMICAL IN THE CANDLES.
NO CANDLE SMOKE, ABSOLUTELY NO EVIDENCE.
LIGHT A CANDLE.
LOCAL NEWS WILL PICK UP THE EVENT,
GRANT WILL CRAWL BACK INTO HIS HOLE FOR A WHILE,
AND, WELL, AT LEAST FOR THE TIME BEING,
IT WILL STAY OPEN TO THE PUBLIC.
WHOA.
WHOA.
THAT'S A LOT OF PUBLIC.
- I'M VERY GOOD.
- YEAH.
A LITTLE TOO GOOD.
WHAT DID WE JUST DO?
THE WEEPING STATUE OF ST. 
NICK IS ON YouTube.
GOOD. 
THIS CHURCH WILL NEVER SHUT DOWN.
THERE'S JUST SO MANY PEOPLE HERE.
I MEAN, WHAT IF THEY FIND OUT IT'S A...fake?
HELL FIRE, DAMNATION, ET CETERA.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GONNA STEP OVER HERE,
SO WHEN THE GOOD LORD THROWS DOWN ON ALL OF Y'ALL,
I DON'T GET HIT BY THE LIGHTNING.
WASN'T ZEUS THE ONE WITH THE LIGHTNING?
GUYS, GUYS, THIS IS STILL A BIG WIN.
SOPHIE, UH, FIND OUT WHERE GRANT IS,
- AND MAKE SURE HE'S -- 
- WHAT DID YOU DO?
UH, WHAT -
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHAT, YOU -
- YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?
THE WORD "MIRACLE" DOES NOT APPEAR ANYWHERE IN THE OLD OR NEW TESTAMENTS.
WHAT ABOUT THE WEDDING AT CANA? 
HUH?
WHAT ABOUT LAZARUS?
PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
NATE?
YOU'RE LYING TO ME, RIGHT TO MY FACE.
IN CHURCH!
There's a fake miracle in my church.
Shh.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S A REASON YOU DIDN'T BECOME A PRIEST.
I DO WHAT I CAN.
YOU CAN'T PLAY GOD, NATE.
JUST TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON,
AND WE'LL TRY TO FIX IT.
PAUL, LISTEN TO ME.
FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
BUT I CAN TELL YOU...
THAT I -
- THAT I GOT IT COVERED.
THEY'RE IN SPIN MODE.
IT'S A MESS.
I'M GONNA PUT A NAIL IN HIS COFFIN RIGHT NOW.
WELL, MAKE IT 10.
I DON'T WANT THAT SON OF A BITCH CRAWLING OUT.
SO...
UGH. 
ST. 
NICHOLAS.
A MIRACLE.
OBVIOUSLY WE CAN'T --
YEAH. 
I KNOW. 
I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT WITH THIS.
I FIGURED AS MUCH.
- I DO HAVE A SPIN ON IT.
- NO, NO, NO, FORGET IT.
I'VE KILLED THE AMERICAN TOWN.
THIS MIRACLE -
- IT GAVE ME A REAL CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE.
EXCELLENT.
YEAH, THAT'S GOOD!
WE CAN -
- WE CAN WORK WITH THAT.
I LOOKED INTO MY HEART.
I PACED. 
I CRIED.
BUT BY DAWN...
I HAD MY ANSWER.
BIBLETOPIA.
IT'S A THEME PARK?
AH AH! 
LIFESTYLE AND RECREATION CENTER.
HERE, LET ME GIVE YOU THE TOUR.
SO, THE CHURCH STAYS.
I MEAN, AT LEAST THE STATUE STAYS,
AND MAYBE THAT ONE WALL WITH THE STAINED GLASS.
BUT THE REST -
- GONE.
NOW, FLANKING THE STATUE -
- TWO FOOD COURTS.
SO, THE ORIGINAL PEWS --
THEY'RE NOW OUTDOORS, FOR MEALTIME SEATING,
HOLY CONTEMPLATION, WHATEVER.
SHOPS APLENTY ON THE PERIMETER.
BUT THIS --
THERE WILL BE A SEA -- AN ACTUAL SEA --
SURROUNDING THE PARK, THAT WILL PART EVERY 30 MINUTES.
HUH?
AND THEN WHILE PEOPLE ARE WAITING TO COME IN,
THEY CAN ENJOY PREVIEWS, FOOD, AND SOUVENIRS AT THE TEARS OF ST. 
NICK CAFee.
COME TO PRAY, STAY TO SHOP.
WE ALSO GOT THESE --
ST. 
NICHOLAS BOBBLE-HEADS.
THERE YOU GO. 
MM.
YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS?
COME ON, KRISTI.
YOU AND I BOTH KNOW, THIS IS NOT A REAL MIRACLE.
"A," BECAUSE MIRACLES DON'T EXIST,
AND, 2, BECAUSE THIS PAIN-IN-THE-ASS PRIEST WILL DO ANYTHING
TO KEEP HIS CHURCH OPEN.
BUT, HEY I OWE HIM A DEBT.
I MEAN, I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF
BIBLETOPIA WITHOUT HIS DIVINE INTERVENTION.
THIS STUPID PRIEST --
HE'S GONNA MAKE ME MILLIONS.
BIBLETOPIA?
THE MAN CANNOT BE STOPPED!
IT'S LIKE EVERYTHING WE THROW AT HIM JUST MAKES HIM STRONGER.
KIND OF ADMIRE HIM, THOUGH.
MY NEPHEW WOULD LIKE BIBLETOPIA.
OH, NO, SEE? 
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH GOD.
HE RAISES UP YOUR ENEMIES WITH HIS RIGHT HAND,
AND HE SMITES YOU WITH HIS LEFT.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
SO I CAN... 
WE CAN USE THIS.
JUST ME A SECOND TO --
I JUST NEED --
APOSTOLIC VISITATION.
COME AGAIN?
IT'S THE VATICAN.
WHAT?
APOSTOLIC VISITATION.
IT'S LIKE THE POPE'S CSI.
THEY COME, THEY INVESTIGATE A MIRACLE.
THEY DETERMINE WHETHER IT'S REAL OR A HOAX.
IF THEY FIND OUT THE TRUTH,
THEY'RE GONNA CLOSE THIS CHURCH DOWN,
AND BLAME FATHER PAUL FOR FRAUD.
I DON'T LIKE THIS, NATE.
EVEN GRANT, OKAY? 
HE WAS HOOKED.
ORDINARILY WE'D HAVE HIM
- UNDER CONTROL BY NOW.
- WE'LL GET AROUND HIM.
WE'LL SAVE THE CHURCH,
- AND WE'LL TAKE OUT GRANT -- 
- YOU SCREWED UP.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO UNDO YOUR OWN CON.
GENTLEMEN.
AH! 
FATHER, FATHER!
EXCUSE -
- I AM HAVING JUST BIG SPIRITUAL CRIS.
YOU GUYS COULD UNDERSTAND MORE THAN ANYBODY.
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW.
YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE...
I hope you weren't gonna do what I know you were just about to do.
What, tell the truth?
You bet I was.
Nate, no more lies!
The Vatican's here!
You and I both know what that means.
Yeah, break out the grappa.
DOES MY GETTING DEFROCKED AMUSE YOU?
NO, Listen, just let me explain this to you, okay?
I just -- this is --
In here.
OH, THERE'S ALWAYS A LOOPHOLE WITH YOU.
That's my side!
?
?
I GET IMMUNITY, OF COURSE.
NOTHING I SAY CAN BE REPEATED TO ANYONE,
NOR IS IT ADMISSIBLE IN A COURT OF LAW.
START IT RIGHT.
SO, THE STATUE.
BLESS ME, FATHER...
"UH, BLESS ME, FATHER, FOR I HAVE SINNED."
IT HAS BEEN --
"IT'S BEEN 2 YEARS, 3 MONTHS,
AND 15 DAYS SINCE MY LAST CONFESSION."
I WAS AT THE FUNERAL.
SO, THE STATUE -- 
- WE FAKED A MIRACLE.
- I KNOW.
NOW, I HAD NO IDEA THAT IT WOULD GET AS MUCH ATTENTION --
AS AND GRANT --
THAT HE WOULD TURN AROUND
AND HE WOULD TRY TO PROFIT FROM IT.
"I HAVE COMMITTED A STRING OF SELFISH
AND HURTFUL ACTS... 
FATHER."
WRONG ACTS, RIGHT REASONS.
OH, THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS?
IS THAT IT, NATE? 
IS THAT IT?
THE DETAILS.
GOD LOOKS AT HOW WE DO A THING,
AND HE JUDGES.
HEY, I'M OUT HERE HELPING PEOPLE.
- I MEAN THAT...
- ARE YOU?
OR ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF?
MAYBE TAKE A COUPLE OF BAD GUYS DOWN WITH YOU.
I AM TRYING TO SAVE YOUR DAMN CHURCH.
SAVE MY CHURCH?
YOU FAKED A MIRACLE!
MY PARISHIONERS, MY FLOCK, MY CHURCH --
THEY -
- THEY BELIEVED IN THAT MIRACLE.
AND NOW YOU ARE RIPPING OUT THAT FAITH
AND REPLACING IT WITH A LIE.
MAYBE -
- MAYBE I'M NOT HERE TO SAVE THIS CHURCH, NATE.
MAYBE I NEED TO LOSE THIS CHURCH TO SAVE YOU.
GO AND SIN NO MORE.
EXCUSE ME.
ANDY, UM,
THERE'S A BIT OF TROUBLE.
NOTHING ALARMING. 
IT'S JUST, UM...
THE VATICAN'S HERE.
I KNOW. 
ISN'T IT GREAT?
GREAT?
IF THEY THINK IT'S REAL, WE GO FORWARD WITH BIBLETOPIA.
IF THEY EXPOSE IT WELL,
THEN I GET GOOD PRESS FOR CLOSING THIS FRAUD PARISH.
YOU SEE, WHEN PEOPLE SAY "CONTROVERSY,"
I HEAR "ATTENTION."
- ANDY...
- HUH?
YOU ARE SHAMELESS.
OH, GOD, YOU GET ME SO WELL.
HEY, COME ON, GET A PICTURE WITH THESE GUYS.
?
?
?
IT'S GOOD?
?
?
WITH YOU GUYS.
?
I'M GOING TO CONFESSION.
I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
THAT'S GREAT.
AS SOON AS THAT VAN FULL OF VATICAN CSI EQUIPMENT GETS HERE, WE'RE SCREWED.
THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY,
BUT YOU GUYS WOULDN'T LET ME TALK WHILE WE WERE ALL in the closet!
IF WE LEAVE IT HERE,
THEY'RE GONNA FIND OUT THE STATUE ISN'T REALLY CRYING
AND BLAME FATHER PAUL FOR FRAUD.
SOPHIE, IF WE STEAL THE STATUE,
HE'S GONNA GET BLAMED FOR COVERING UP A FRAUD.
HUH.
THIS AIN'T FUNNY.
AS SOON AS THEY RUN A SCAN OR A PH STICK OVER THAT STATUE,
THEY'RE GONNA SEE THOSE AREN'T REAL TEARS.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME.
YOU KNOW, FATHER PAUL --
HE CAN'T HELP BUT TELL THE TRUTH.
HE'S GONNA FLIP ON US.
I HOPE THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU SUGGEST PRAYER.
No, the Weeping Statue of St. Nicholas is not gonna be stolen.
It's gonna miraculously disappear in the middle of tomorrow's mass.
I'M SORRY?
In front of the priest, the Vatican, the entire congregation.
HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING, NATE?
HOW MUCH DOES THE STATUE WEIGH?
- ABOUT 900 POUNDS.
- GOOD.
I AM SO SORRY, NANA.
THE LORD BE WITH YOU.
AND ALSO WITH YOU.
A READING FROM THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO LUKE.
GLORY TO YOU, LORD.
"A MAN HAD A FIG TREE IN HIS VINEYARD,
"BUT IT DID NOT BEAR FRUIT.
"SO HE SAID TO THE MAN WHO TOOK CARE OF THE VINEYARD,
"'FOR THREE YEARS, I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR FRUIT ON THIS TREE,
"'AND FOR THREE YEARS, I'VE FOUND NOTHING.
"IT'S A WASTE OF MY LAND.
CUT IT DOWN!
'
"'SIR,' THE WORKER REPLIED,
"'LEAVE IT ALONE FOR ONE MORE YEAR.
"'LET ME DIG AROUND IT AND FERTILIZE IT.
"'IF IT BEARS FRUIT NEXT YEAR,
ALL IS WELL.
IF NOT, THEN CUT IT DOWN.'"
THE GOSPEL OF THE LORD.
?
REPENT!
OR PERISH!
THAT'S LUKE 13.
TOUGH TO SWALLOW, HUH?
BUT LIKE ALL PARABLES,
THIS ONE'S OPEN TO INTERPRETATION.
WAS THE WORKER JUST BEING LAZY?
STALLING?
"I'LL GET TO IT, BOSS, NEXT YEAR.
MAÃANA."
OR DID THE WORKER HAVE A SECRET?
A SECRET --
THAT ONLY OUR FAITH SUSTAINS US OVER TIME.
THE OWNER DOESN'T HAVE HIS HANDS IN THE SOIL.
ONLY THE WORKER IS THERE EVERY DAY IN THE DIRT,
WITH THE TREE.
HE HAS FAITH IN HIS SKILL
AND FAITH THAT GOD WILL SUPPORT THAT SKILL,
AND MAYBE, IN A YEAR'S TIME,
THE TREE WILL BEAR FRUIT.
HE DOESN'T LOOK FOR THE EASY WAY OUT.
HE DOESN'T SAY,
"OH, WHY WOULD THE LORD DO THIS TO ME?
"IF ONLY HE WOULD GIVE ME A SIGN.
IF ONLY HE'D GIVE US A MIRACLE."
BUT THE WORKER DOESN'T ASK FOR A MIRACLE.
HE HAS FAITH IN HIMSELF AND FAITH IN GOD,
AND HE ONLY ASKS FOR TIME.
LET US PROCLAIM OUR FAITH.
WE BELIEVE IN ONE GOD,
THE FATHER, THE ALMIGHTY,
THE MAKER OF HEAVEN AND EARTH,
OF ALL THAT IS SEEN AND UNSEEN.
WE BELIEVE IN ONE LORD, JESUS CHRIST,
THE ONLY SON OF GOD.
ETERNALLY BEGOTTEN OF THE FATHER.
GOD FROM GOD, LIGHT FROM LIGHT,
TRUE GOD FROM TRUE GOD,
BEGOTTEN, NOT MADE, ONE IN BEING WITH THE FATHER.
OK.
THAT'LL DO IT.
- WHOA!
- YEAH.
FOR US MEN, FOR OUR SALVATION...
I SAW WHAT HAPPENED!
AN ANGEL TOOK IT AWAY!
CALM DOWN, PEOPLE!
THAT'S NOT WHAT'S HAPPENING!
I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
THERE IS NO MIRACLE!
SOMEBODY STOLE THE STATUE!
AND I KNOW WHO IT IS!
ANDREW GRANT.
HEY, THAT'S THE GUY THAT BOUGHT THE CHURCH!
THAT'S NOT MY VAN!
WHAT KIND OF MONSTER FAKES A MIRACLE FOR A PROFIT?
- YOU SICKEN ME.
- THIEF!
THE PRIEST IS DESPERATE.
LOOK, HE HID THE STATUE IN THE VAN.
HE FORGED THE REGISTRATION PAPERS TO FRAME ME!
- I DON'T BELIEVE YA!
- LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
RIGHT HERE. 
SEE?
MY ASSISTANT -- HE WAS WITH ME THE WHOLE TIME.
OKAY? 
NOW, LOOK.
WE BOUGHT THIS PROPERTY --
WE'RE GONNA FIX UP THE NEIGHBORHOOD! 
RIGHT?
NO.
"NO."
NO!
HE GOT THE LAND UNDER THIS CHURCH
THE SAME WAY HE GOT THE REST OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD,
THE SAME WAY HE GETS ALL OF HIS PROPERTIES --
BY BRIBERY, INTIMIDATION, AND VIOLENCE!
ANDREW GRANT...
SENT A BUNCH OF THUGS TO BEAT UP FATHER PAUL!
IF I GO TO THE POLICE WITH WHAT I HAVE,
I COULD PUT HIM IN JAIL.
AND ME, TOO, PROBABLY.
FATHER...
WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT?
Yes, I HAVE TO DO THE RIGHT THING?
BIG BULLY!
?
?
OK, GREAT. 
GOOD.
- OK.
- COPS GOT HERE FAST.
IT'S ALMOST AS IF AN INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALIST CALLED THEM WITH A TIP-OFF.
KRISTI, SAVE ME, HUH?
YOU CAN SPIN THIS, RIGHT?
INSTEAD OF, UH, "FELONY,"
MAYBE SOFTEN IT TO, UH, "CONTROVERSY" OR SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU SAY "CONTROVERSY,"
I ALWAYS HEAR "ATTENTION."
OH!
ARE YOU EVEN BRITISH?
!
?
TELL HER SOMETING?
YOU USED ME.
YEAH, WELL...
YOU USED ME, TOO.
YOU BROKE THE SEAL OF THE CONFESSIONAL
AND TOLD EVERYONE THE STATUE WAS A FAKE.
TO SAVE THE FAITH OF MY PARISH.
WRONG ACT, RIGHT REASONS.
END JUSTIFY THE MEANS, FATHER?
I'LL COUNT MYSELF BLESSED AND TAKE MY MIRACLE.
AH, BUT THERE WAS NO MIRACLE.
NATE, FIVE THIEVES SAVED MY CHURCH.
IT WAS GOOD TO SEE YOU, PAUL.
YOU BETTER PLAN ON BEING HERE NEXT SUNDAY.
I'VE GOT A GREAT SERMON ON MAKING AMENDS.
WE'LL SEE.
YOU'LL BE BACK.
I HAVE FAITH IN YOU.
LOOK AT THAT. 
SAVED A CHURCH.
IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS.
SEE? 
I TOLD YOU ST. 
NICHOLAS IS SANTA CLAUS.
NO, HE'S NOT, PARKER.
WELL, WHO IS HE, THEN?
ST. 
NICHOLAS IS THE PATRON SAINT OF THIEVES.

Do you know the speech?
I know the gist of it.
You memorize entire homilies.
Homilies are poetry, a plea before the city council is demeaning.
Esteemed councilmen, in a few days,
St. Nicholas Church will be torn down.
I have come before you for the fourth time to beg for your condescension.
Consideration.
Which you have never shown before.
To block the sale of the church.
Because we're not just losing a building.
We're losing a sacrament.
The communion with our neighbors is our mass.
Not bad, huh?
Help!
Somebody help!
Somebody, please.
Father Paul!
Father Paul.
We need an ambulance.
Please send an ambulance.
Hey, Sophie's here, man.
What do I tell her?
Anything but the truth.
Hey.
Hey.
Thank you so much for coming to my play last night.
Oh...
Last night was awesome.
Oh, thanks, Parker.
Yeah.
It was like a horror movie.
Attention must be paid.
I mean, you're not the first person I would think of to play Willy Lowman, but you worked it out.
Yeah.
Oh!
That was the worst night of my life.
Come on, man.
You've been in worse situations.
No. 
No, that was the worst.
Mmm.
How great were you?
I mean, they ought to call it Death of a Saleswoman.
What a great commentary on the glass ceiling for women in corporate America.
Nate, I played the part as a man.
Yes. 
And brilliantly.
Thanks.
I mean, you were... 
Huh?
Hold on. 
I have to...
Hi, Maggie?
Is everything okay? 
When?
Who's Maggie?
Nate's ex wife.
Hey.
If I thought I'd get you to visit I'd have gotten my ribs kicked in a little sooner.
How you doing, Paul?
I got my shots in.
I popped the first guy in the shoulder before I blacked out.
Yeah. 
I know.
I read the police report.
You read the police report.
I do that.
You talk to Maggie?
Do you think it was a coincidence that you got attacked on your way to beg the city council to save your church?
No, I don't.
You talk to Maggie a lot?
When is the sale final on the church?
Escrow closes Monday, why?
Code blue, pediatrics. 
Code blue.
I know hospitals are tough for you.
Paul, have you tried legal action? 
I mean, maybe an injunction would...
With what money?
I thought it was God's plan for me to save the church, Nate.
I was wrong.
But we're going to have one last mass on Sunday, and I plan to make the most of it.
You should be there.
It's not going to be your last mass, Paul.
Nate, what are you going to do? 
Nate.
I'll just maybe move God's plans along.
- That's St. Nicholas?
- Yeah.
Santa Claus has a church?
It's not Santa Claus.
I know this is not our usual kind of case, I realize.
But before you say anything, Paul is an old friend of mine, and he has helped the poor parishes more than you could ever...
Nate, Nate, Nate.
We're taking the case.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh.
Great. 
Good.
Oh, all right.
Well, this is obviously a strong arm maneuver that's happened here, get rid of the activist priest and the sale closes on Monday.
Do we know anything about who bought the church?
The sign outside said it was sold to Kennedy Corp.
Now, Kennedy Corp is a wholly owned subsidiary of STB International, which is the parent company of Acai Diversified, which is a US subsidiary of Kennedy Corp.
That is a lot of trouble to go to for buying an old church.
Yeah. 
So, Kennedy Corp, that's obviously the front.
Parker, check all the addresses for the realty companies.
Eliot, Hardison, find the local talent that attacked Paul.
He messed up one of their shoulders, if that helps.
No, no.
I don't do gangs.
Come on.
What? 
What did he...
Get you out in some fresh air, get off the computer.
I rappel.
Come on!
Did no one see me rappel?
I heard about it.
You going to be okay?
He's an old friend.
I owe him.
You think that we're just going to walk into some random tunnel and find some cholos just all yoked up.
You know?
Hardison.
Yo, homes, let me fix my do-rag.
Just... 
What?
Listen.
Boys, we don't want any trouble.
All right. 
We just want some answers.
How's this answer?
Gentlemen, I'm asking about one of your colleagues.
Somebody who rolled a priest. 
Who was it?
You seeing this, Hardison?
Yeah.
The situation has my attention, yes.
You see, that's why I don't like guns.
They have a specific range of efficacy.
See, most guys make one mistake.
They get too close.
Who rolled a priest?
We didn't beat up no priest.
We're not monsters.
Dislocated shoulder's a bitch.
Priest gave him that.
You beat up a priest?
Do you mind?
Be my guest.
You got a long penance ahead of you.
Start by answering the man's questions.
Now!
Who hired you?
Keep going.
Keep going.
All right, hold it.
Guards, move out!
You okay, baby?
I'm fine.
I just felt bad 'cause I forgot to ask you about your mother.
How's she doing?
Mama? 
What-
Uh, yeah. 
She's, uh, she's all right I guess, you know.
Same ol', same ol'.
Mm-Hmm.
Well, maybe you're right.
Maybe you should go see her.
Take the kids.
She'd love that.
Now be sure to give her my love.
What's goin' on, charlene?
Nothin'.
Just bein' silly is all.
I gotta go now.
I got work to do.
I love you, baby.
I love you.
Get out of there, adrian.
We gotta go.
No... no!
Accidents are the number one cause of death
Of people under 40.
Worse than heart attacks or cancer.
It's the little things, you know,
The small stuff that people overlook-
It's gonna kill you every time.
Oh, stop scaring her, Annie.
Is that sterno?
A little hair of the dog.
It's poisonous.
And illegal.
So is homicide.
My head hurt.
Take an aspirin next time.
Drinking sterno will kill you.
If you're so smart,
How come I'm still alive and everyone else is dead?
Now who's trying to scare her?
Look.
Don't get me wrong.
I'd just as soon have a big bowl of chili
With a cold beer and a cigarette,
But choosers can't be beggars.
Beggars can't be choosers.
See? 
There's nothing wrong with your hearing.
You just don't listen so good.
Have an ulcer.
Ruby red.
I can't eat grapefruit.
It messes with my blood sugar.
You just don't listen so good.
So what does a drunk
Who self-medicates with sterno and aspirin
Have in common with a baby?
I could not make sense of it until I learned
That sheriff willis was diabetic
And often suffered from acidosis.
And Tobler suffered acidosis
From all the aspirin he was taking. 
Mm-Hmm.
But it's not like the baby was knocking back handfuls
Of acetylsalicylic acid. 
No, but Tobler said she was always crying.
She was colicky.
If sylvie breathed rapidly long enough,
Carbon dioxide would build up in her system
And she would become acidotic.
so you're saying they survived Andromeda
Because they have the same level of stomach acid.
That's brilliant.
Mr. Henderson, I am very sorry to inform you
That while jack Nash was being evacuated
From guard headquarters, the helicopter he was in
Suffered mechanical failure and went down.
Jack's dead?
I'm afraid so, sir.
I'm having a hard time locating the next of kin.
Did mr. 
Nash have family or friends?
Where are you calling from?
I'm gonna have to ask you again, sir.
Did jack Nash have family or friends?
What's your name?
Where are you calling from?
No, my friends,
Not today.
Dinner is most definitely
Not served!
Okay, um...
I don't know how this works exactly,
But, uh...
I'm sorry.
I'll do better.
Uh, I'll-I'll be nice to people.
Please save my ass.
Amen.
Okay, how about this?
I'll never do drugs again-
Ever. 
I swear.
No drugs, no booze, no cigarette-
No drugs, no booze- How about that?
Yeah, same to you, pal.
I take it back.
Okay, I take it back.
Okay.
We've got a vulnerability.
Andromeda can only exist within a very narrow range
Of acidity and alkalinity.
It pretty much falls within the parameters
Of human tolerance- 7.5-7.0.
So anything we hit Andromeda with
Which is acidic or basic enough to kill it
Might also be lethal to humans.
And to make matters worse,
If our test results are correct, whatever we attack with,
Andromeda will eventually adjust.
We'd have to hit every bit of the infection
Virtually simultaneously to prevent its adaptation. 
Yeah.
And disrupt its communicative abilities at the same time.
You know, if you set out
To deliberately exterminate mankind,
You couldn't do better than Andromeda.
Hello?
Get back! 
I mean it.
Okay.
What do you want?
Well, first of all,
I want a glass of water the size of a chevy,
But, uh, then I really need to make a phone call.
Do-Do you have a cell phone?
What happened to you?
Name's jack Nash.
I'm a reporter with nnt.
You probably know my face.
I just watch colbert.
Right.
"South park," sometimes.
Look. 
There was a helicopter crash. 
I'm the only survivor.
I have some important information I need to deliver,
And I really, really need to make a phone call,
And-Need some help with the tire?
Honestly, isn't that getting a little heavy?
how long before this Santa Anna condition reaches the infected area, and then how long after that until it gets to Los Angeles?
At the rate that it's moving, it'll be at the edge
Of the quarantine zone in 24 hours,
Which puts it about 200 miles from los angeles. 
Should we evacuate I.A.?
Evacuate to where, ed?
Can you imagine what it would be like
If we actually asked the entire los angeles basin to leave?
Why should the united states distract them?
Like the california gold rush, we are looking
At a once-In-A-Lifetime opportunity here... mr. president,
We have a developing situation in the mid-Atlantic.
The extremely radical environmental group-
Ocean saviors-Has mounted an armed assault
Against our vent mining platform.
This came on their web site just moments ago.
At 5:47 this afternoon,
An ocean savior assault team
Seized control of vent mining platform number one.
During the course of this action,
One of our brothers has died.
We were driven to this course by the self-Serving
Greedy policies of president scott
And his cabal of industrial apologists.
Ocean savior says no to vent mining.
Ocean savior says no
To the rape of the ocean.
We have taken hostages,
And we've now wired the platform with explosives.
Any attempt to interfere with us
Will result in the most serious consequences.
We will provide a list of our demands
In our next communique.
the navy has two frigates and a submarine
In the vicinity, plus a team of navy seals.
Let's see what they want first.
Enough people have died today.
Besides, if we don't stop Andromeda,
It's not gonna much matter anyway, will it?
That thing that bill was saying
About disrupting Andromeda's communicative abilities-
It got me thinking about messenger theory again.
The idea that Andromeda might be a coded message from the future.
You think its lethal qualities are accidental, not intentional?
No, no. 
I agree that Andromeda was designed to kill humans.
Now I realize this is highly speculative,
But maybe the message, if there is one,
Is in the casing.
Maybe it is the casing.
Hmm. 
Now each molecule of the black material
Is cemented by one of two bonding agents-
Uh, potassium or rubidium.
They serve no structural purpose,
And alternate in a seemingly random manner.
Why go to such trouble?
Is it random- Two agents?
Why not three or four?
Because it's binary.
It's a binary code.
Each sequence is approximately 200 molecules long,
But if you look,
There's a pattern within the larger pattern.
Eight.
Patterns of eight.
In a typical binary computer code,
Each 8-Bit sequence would stand for a letter.
Computer, treat molecular sequence as binary code,
And search for key.
Why would our enemies send us a message?
Well, maybe they didn't.
Maybe somebody else did.
Okay, I know this is going to sound fantastic,
But let's say that Mancheck wasn't lying about the wormhole,
And that, in fact, it was the source of Andromeda-
Wormholes as we understand them are a theoretical connections
Between distance and time, right?
What if Andromeda was sent to us by our future?
Okay, I think somebody's been working too hard
And drinking way too much coffee.
Why send something back that could destroy your own past?
It would be a move of absolute desperation.
A wake-Up call, a cry for help.
They couldn't beat Andromeda. 
And we can?
Come on, future technology must be superior to ours.
All right, maybe it's not about technology.
Maybe they lack something that we have-
That-That we still have.
Something to do with ph.
Resources-
Natural resources.
Something we used up or destroyed-
Some fossil fuels or some species
Of plant or animal life in the rain forest.
And the answer is... okay, if I'm sending a message back
To some lab-Coated geek in the past, I'd keep it simple.
I'd use the basic american computer code for documents,
And the roman alphabet.
Ascii.
Computer, approach pattern
As ascii code and translate.
What the hell is bacillus infernus?
Bacterium from hell.
What's that number?
I did some work on this once.
It-It's an extremely rare member of the archaea genus,
Found only one place on the planet-
At the bottom of the sea, nearly 3 kilometers deep,
Next to thermal vents.
The bacterium thrive
Under the most extreme conditions imaginable,
Including very acidic ph.
It practices chemosynthesis to survive.
In fact, its main food source
Is the sulfur-Based effluent from the vents themselves.
The chemical composition of Andromeda is based on sulfur.
I bet infernus looks at Andromeda the same way
A pit bull would look at a big, juicy steak.
The plan to mine those vents of their mineral deposits
Is gonna be very destructive.
It-It's a kind of underwater strip-mining.
Maybe that's why they needed to send a message from the future.
The bacteria no longer exist there,
Because we destroyed it. 
We've set plenty of precedent for this kind of weapon.
We spray both mosquitoes and gypsy moths
With lethal bacterium.
What about Andromeda's ability to mutate?
That's the beauty of this line of attack.
Andromeda can't change its basic atomic composition,
Which is sulfur based.
You can run, but you can't hide. 
All right.
Does this bacterium have any adverse effect on humans?
Nothing we could find. 
So we spray infernus in the air, in the water-
Wherever Andromeda is, and the bacteria consume it.
Hold on now. 
We're getting ahead of ourselves.
It makes really good theoretical sense,
But we have to test it out.
Oh, this is horseshit! 
I gotta go with Chuck on this, sir.
I mean, it's just too fantastic.
All right.
Dr. Stone, look.
I'm finding all this a little difficult to accept.
Andromeda is a biological assault-
Possibly a precursor to an invasion,
But of the future?
And it was sent to us by them for our help
Because of this bacteria?
Mr. President, I-I recognize how crazy it sounds,
But it explains everything we know about Andromeda.
They sent it back, safely contained
Within the black material we found.
They could not have anticipated
Its interception by the scoop satellite
Or its subsequent release in piedmont.
This is purely speculative.
There's nothing real here, sir.
How do you explain the binary code then-coincidence?
It's a redundancy system-
Standard operating procedure in aeronautics.
Everything nasa builds is done that way.
They coded the solution to Andromeda
Within the molecular structure of the container.
If you analyze all the data
And the only explanation that works is the improbable,
Then the improbable must be true.
Oh, what is that 
- Confucius? 
Okay, gentlemen, gentlemen...
Sherlock holmes.
Now, dr. 
Stone,
This string of numbers that came with the message
And the nonsense that followed it-What do you make of that?
The computer hasn't been able to make any sense
Of the number 739528, but it's continuing to work at it.
I
- I know that's not very helpful, sir.
Well, you don't do well in my line of work
Unless you're willing to roll the dice once or twice.
Well, if they want my head, they can have it later.
What do you need, dr. 
Stone?
Samples of the bacterium, sir.
We need to test it's lethality on Andromeda.
The lab I worked with at u. 
C.L.A. Still has samples.
I'll have it sent out to wildfire right away.
I'll also have our biological dispersal equipment standing by
The minute you give the word. 
And, dr. 
Stone,
If this doesn't work, what's your plan "b"?
There is no other plan, mr. 
President. 
That is it.
All we can do now is work like hell
To get operational and hope that Andromeda
Doesn't pull yet another adaptation out of the bag.
Hey, look at that!
What the? 
Hey, they're comin' right at us!
What the- Aah, get off me!
Aah!
Oh, my god!
Aah, aah!
You think stone's bacterium is the solution?
Well, he seems to think so.
That's not what I asked you.
That's my answer.
I need something done.
What? 
Find out where dr. 
Barton's family is.
flight 82 to honolulu
Is now boarding at gate five.
Mr. Barton, will you come with me, please?
Mr. Barton,
You and I need to have a conversation
About your wife.
We lost contact with one of our units
Near the henry river a half-Hour ago.
Predator overflight reveals no survivors.
I think we have to assume that quarantine has been breached.
Extend the ground patrols in that area
And increase overflights. 
Keep me posted as you make progress.
I can cut short your wife's trip
The minute you give word.
We can have her on a plane and out of danger
In under an hour.
What about all the other wives and daughters
In los angeles, pat?
- What are you gonna do for them? 
- Well, I just thought-
Go on, leave me alone.
Go on, get outta here!
Okay, we're introducing a very modest amount
Of infernus to Andromeda.
Look at it go.
Yes! 
2.3 seconds.
So we have a weapon.
How much of this bug do we need to grow to make a difference?
Welcome to the nursery.
Biological breeder vessels.
State of the art.
Well, let's crank 'em up.
Andromeda is now definitely in the watershed
Of the henry river, and it's moving downstream.
The color blooms there-
Massive aquatic die-offs.
Evacuate the entire lake powell area. 
- Yes, sir.
It works.
The bacterium works.
Excellent work, dr. 
Stone.
We've started production
And should have usable quantities within ten hours.
Ten hours is cutting it damn close.
How so? 
Andromeda had developed another mutation
That attacks aquatic life, and it's gotten
Into the watershed of the colorado river.
At the rate it's moving, it should be in lake powell
Within 10, 11 hours.
And the storm? 
It continues to pick up speed.
Let me know the minute you're ready.
priority call for dr. 
Barton.
Charlene, honey.
Sam?
The kids all right?
Did you-Did you get to your mom's?
Something came up.
There's somebody who wants to talk to you, charlene,
And I want you to listen to him, baby, okay?
Okay.
Dr. Barton,
In the interest of your family's safety,
I suggest you listen to me very carefully.
Computer, assemble the team in the conference room.
Hey, you okay?
I'm fine.
We have all come to accept the possibility
That it was a mutation of Andromeda
That brought down that jet,
But there is something that's always bothered me-
The jet had been recalled,
Its mission aborted,
And then Andromeda attacked it.
I think we might be underestimating Andromeda.
Yes, we've discussed
Its phenomenal rate of mutation,
We've-We've considered the possibility
That it can communicate among its physically separated parts,
But what if it knowingly crashed the jet
In order to set off the onboard nuclear device
And accelerate its own growth?
You're saying it thinks?
I'm saying we have to consider the possibility
And act accordingly.
We could dose it now.
We probably have enough bacteria to hit the hot spots.
No, I don't want to risk missing some portion of Andromeda,
Enabling it to regroup.
When we strike, it has to be devastating, and to be safe,
I think we need to destroy
Every last sample of Andromeda in the lab right now.
You think Andromeda knows
Or could know what we're trying to do here?
I don't think we can take that chance.
I'm gonna go check the breeder vessels.
Do you think the bacterium will work?
What?
Do you think the bacterium will work?
Uh, what else have we got?
I mean, they were damn clever,
Andromeda's creators.
It's a-It's a brilliantly lethal construct,
But we're-We're a resilient species.
Think of the imagination those scientists had
To figure out what they needed and send for it
In the past.
You know what's truly ironic
Is that what may end up saving mankind
At the pinnacle of creation
Is this very simple primitive bacterium
From the slime on the bottom of the ocean,
The creature that we were prepared to obliterate
With-Without a moment's thought.
There's a profound lesson in humility there, I think.
Not usually your strong suit.
I'm workin' on it.
Yeah.
Jeremy, come to the conference room.
It's urgent.
What is it?
It's not numbers or letters.
It's an image, a design of some kind.
That's why it took so long to process.
What is that?
I've never seen anything like it.
It's not scientific.
Religious, maybe?
I don't know.
Let's go!
clear the line.
Clear the line.
Let's get up!
Saddle up, boys.
we're good to go, lieutenant!
That weather system is picking up speed, sir.
If this doesn't work,
Andromeda will hit los angeles in less than five hours.
Also, our, uh, strike teams
Are in position near the mining platform
Waiting for your word to go in, sir.
Is there anything you'd like me to do?
Are you a religious man, Chuck?
Sir?
I don't mean every four years.
I mean-
I mean, do you have faith?
Yes, sir.
Well, then you can pray.
Hey.
Howdy.
Oh.
Nice.
Yeah, it's real pretty,
But, uh, mind if I try your cell phone again?
Don't you ever just relax?
No. 
I don't really.
I should.
Go ahead, but the reception's not gonna be any better
Than it was last night.
Well, my luck's changing.
I can feel it.
I see two people- One male, one female.
Breakfast.
I really would like to,
But, um, I can't.
I made a promise.
I know that sounds lame,
But there it is.
Jack, what's going on out there?
Time to go.
Why was he shooting at us?
Not us, me.
They're shooting at me.
Jeremy, we have got a lot of product down here,
And it's all screamin', "feed me. "
Urgent message for dr. 
Stone.
Go for dr. 
Stone.
Dr. Stone, we should have out helos
To your facility within minutes.
You gonna be ready?
Good to go. 
That storm front's closing in fast.
We've got less than an hour.
Oh, terrific.
What?
Must have hit a rock.
Do you carry any oil?
No. 
Maybe. 
I don't know.
Why were they shooting at us?
Because I know things, or they think I do.
That's why I need to make that call.
General,
Just wanted to say good luck.
You did a great job, doctor, you and your whole team.
You know, when this is over, I'm going to raise hell.
Not that you have any reason to believe me,
But for what it's worth, you're preachin' to the converted.
Although, if this doesn't work,
What you and I think isn't gonna make a damn bit of difference.
Can we go faster?
We're losing too much oil.
We have to dump this thing.
Do you have any kind of a weapon in here- 
- A gun, a knife, a slingshot?
- No.
Check the glove box.
A can opener?
Great. 
We'll buy 'em a beer.
Ten minutes to the area of infection.
All right, spread out and disperse.
Cover the entire surrounding area. 
Cover it all.
Stand by. 
This is it.
Let's kill this bastard.
Wildfire is infected.
Wildfire lab is now initiating lockdown procedures
And beginning countdown to auto self-Destruct. 
What's happening?
15 minutes and counting.
what the hell is that?
There has been a breach in containment
In the sample vault.
Computer, give me the sample vault.
what's going on, charlene?
What's happening?
Charlene, we're on our way.
Tsi, what is it?
Turn him on his side.
Is it Andromeda? 
No, it's a gran mal seizure. 
Did you know he was epileptic?
The fail-Safe panel is ruined.
I can't shut down the self- Destruct sequence from here.
Where's the next closest control panel? 
One level up.
But you can't use the elevators.
Every level is sealed off.
How do I get up there?
You can't. 
That's the point.
Hold him steady.
Hold him steady.
Hold him steady.
Computer, show all the mechanical conduits
Into the central maintenance shaft.
Break in and climb up.
That's a brilliant idea.
I'll check on barton.
Charlene, what happened?
I-
I need you to talk to me.
Talk to me or I can't help you.
I
- I-I don't- I don't-
I don't know.
There's a sample in one of the containment boxes.
Why didn't you destroy all of them?
They've got sam and my kids.
They wanted to save a sample,
And then the seal started to disintegrate,
And the alarm went off.
I'm sorry. 
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry.
All right, take-Take it easy.
Slow down.
How are you feeling?
How the hell do you think I feel?
Wildfire lab will self-Destruct in 11 minutes.
general, how do we shut down
The auto-Destruct sequence?
Is there anything we can do?
No, there's nothin' we can do, sir.
In the event of a security breach, the lab was set up
To follow an automatic sequence of self-Destruction.
Only the designated odd man can stop it.
Well, general, if that nuclear device explodes,
Then none of what you and your team
Are doin' right now will matter.
Andromeda will be spread over a huge area. 
We will never be able to contain it.
Listen to me. 
If you had been exposed to a lethal strain,
You'd be dead by now.
Are you-Are you symptomatic at all?
I'm breathing rapidly.
Maybe that's what's keeping it at bay.
Get me the hell outta here!
Charlene, you have to calm down, okay?
I promise we'll get you out of there,
But you need to listen to Jeremy.
Forget about me.
I'll be fine.
Go shut it off.
Go.
You had a seizure.
Have you had them before?
The lights. 
That's bad.
The light set it off. 
We have a breach of containment.
Charlene is trapped in the sample vault.
We have to fix the contamination.
You have to rest.
We fix it or we'll die.
get out, leila. 
Run!
What about you? 
Run! 
Just get the hell outta here. 
Go!
Shut the door!
Shut the door!
You're wasting your time.
I've already called this in.
The police will be on their way any minute.
Aah!
Angela, follow up progress on the monitor.
Help us get to the next level.
Ten minutes and counting.
Jeremy, you okay?
Not wild about heights.
Don't look down.
Stare straight ahead.
These joints are compromised.
And the pipes are deteriorating.
Ohh!
Give me your hand.
Come on, bill, you can make it.
Give me your hand.
Just reach out.
Give me your hand.
Then we're both gonna fall.
Just do it. 
Give me your hand.
We need you.
Ahh! 
You need this!
Oh.
Angela-Angela, I have the key.
It won't do you any good.
The system will only recognize keene's thumbprint.
Tsi, what are you doing?
We're out of options.
Four minutes and counting.
Jeremy.
Ohh!
Three minutes and counting.
I need your help, angela.
I don't know where I'm going.
Angela, you copy me?
Move 6 feet up
And 3 feet to your right.
There's a-What looks to be
A large heating/cooling conduit
That might work.
I see it!
Oh!
Aah!
I can't see.
Everything's falling apart.
Aah!
Two minutes and counting.
Any word from the wildfire facility?
Nothing, sir.
The self-Destruct sequence is still activated.
Jeremy, are you okay?
Which way?
The panel is behind you 15 feet.
It's right above you now.
A little higher.
Reach up with your right hand.
There.
One minute and counting.
A little bit to your left.
Find the slot.
Welcome, dr. 
Keene.
To cancel auto destruct,
Please place your right thumb on the flashing button.
30 seconds and counting.
Jeremy.
All right.
20 seconds.
A little bit to your left.
Ten, nine, eight...
Auto destruct canceled.
You have gotta be kidding me.
A signal.
Machine.
Charlie, it's Nash.
Listen. 
Somebody brought bio-Collecting equipment
To the national guard headquarters.
I think they're trying to sample the contagion.
Look for a d. 
C. Colonel named ferrus. 
He's the link.
He also tried to kill me...
twice.
And, uh, that's it.
Hey. 
Hey!
Hey! 
Hey!
Over here! 
Over here!
Over here!
Hey!
No!
Well, it's been that kind of day.
Let's go.
You okay?
Yeah.
Didn't think sobriety was gonna be this painful.
Sorry about your car.
Are you kidding?
That was amazing what you did.
Yeah, well...
I have my moments.
That's it.
We got it!
Whoo!
We got it!
Son of a bitch!
today, america mourns the loss of two citizens
Who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country-
Dr. William keene, u. 
S. Army, and dr. 
Tsi chou, a brilliant scientist
Who immigrated to this country
In a much-Celebrated case some ten years ago.
Standing to president scott's right is dr. 
Jeremy stone
Who headed wildfire and his surviving teammates... hey, there's dad.
Dr. Angela noyce and dr. 
Charlene barton.
God, he looks terrible.
Only a few details are presently available
From what remains a highly classified operation... hero of the day.
Apparently, a leak developed in a small... he did good, okay? 
I mean, yeah, he's not perfect,
But he deserves credit for what he did.
...in a remote area of southern utah.
Fortunately, the leak was contained,
Although not without the loss of two key researchers.
The senate subcommittee chairman on homeland security
Is pledging a thorough investigation
And already demanding details from the administration.
Seems a little dramatic, don't you think?
Every bit of data confirms the same observation.
The Andromeda infection is dead.
Nothing survived your assault.
It's an extraordinary achievement, sir,
A real heroic victory.
You think that's how our part in all this
Is gonna be remembered, as heroes?
Well, I think we might have made some mistakes,
But we came through in the end. 
Some mistakes.
I think the desire to assign blame in project scoop
Will be, uh, mitigated, as it always is,
By the fear of public embarrassment
At the highest levels of government.
We didn't just screw up, colonel.
We very nearly lost everything,
And not just once- Several times.
Why did you blackmail dr. 
Barton
To try and salvage a sample of Andromeda?
I don't-I have no idea what you're talking about.
Well, maybe I should get on the phone
To Chuck beeter over at the n. 
S.A.
And ask him where that sample is.
I know what you sons of bitches did.
There needn't be any losers in this scenario, general.
Aside from the american people?
Your kind of honor is a bit outdated, sir.
I'm not gonna fall on my sword for you or anybody else.
No. 
I didn't think so.
What?
Jesus! 
What the hell you doin'?
Not with me here!
thank you, lord,
For the honor and the privilege
We have had to know these two extraordinary men...
I had no idea about project scoop
Or any black-Bag operations connected with it
That may or may not have been running.
Well, you may not have known,
But there were those in your administration that did.
It might be a good idea
To tell the american people really what happened
And permanently shut down the vent mining project.
I don't know what you think you have,
But I don't see it that way.
Well, if you'll excuse me, mr. 
President,
I have an interview to do.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
He was a brave man. 
Yes.
Our technology and our science saved us in the end, yes,
But it was our arrogant misuse of both
That got us into this trouble in the first place.
Science is and always has been
About the search for the truth,
And that search can really only take place
In the full light of day.
I think, um, I think one of the lessons learned here
Is that just because we have acquired
A technological or scientific capability
Doesn't mean we should rush out to use it.
Would vent mining prove to be incredibly lucrative?
Maybe, but considering what's just happened,
I think the question needs to be asked.
Would it be worth it?
Would you care to speculate
About the original source of the virus,
And if Andromeda was a biological weapon,
How do you think its creators would respond
To what you've done?
I have no idea.
We would seem to have been successful in the short run,
But it's probably fair to say, whoever it is,
We've gotten their attention.
What happens next is anybody's guess.
Captioned by closed captioning services, inc.

This little fucker's going to get it!
- You can't even open a lock now.
- I will it you get off my back.
Tarzan, it's coming.
Leave it.
- You've lost your touch.
- Lost my touch...
Come on!
Oh, fuck it!
How do we open this?
With a bazooka?
No, it's a number five, you can do this.
Make way.
Gentlemen, after you.
Let's go and claim the inheritance of the dear departed.
Terribile has twenty or so properties in someone else's name.
I can get them transferred to us.
As long as you leave me this villa.
I'll take the attic apartment in Tor di Nona.
I was born a servant there,
..and I want to go back a king.
What shall we give Freddo, who did us the honour?
- I don't want anything?
- What do you mean?
I don't give a damn about Terribile's stuff.
Lebanese, let me show you something.
A basement flat in Trastevere, 1000 square metres on 2 floors.
It'd make a nice gambling club.
A club in the centre of Rome ...ideal for laundering money.
Nice music, nice people, couples' rooms like in Vegas.
A couple of Patrizia's whores...
What do you think? 
Aren't you interested?
I didn't kill Terribile to end up as a pimp.
It was an execution. 
He's riddled with bullets.
..and to finish him off, this knife wound straight through the heart.
Lebanese did it, he had a lot of unfinished business with him.
Now we'll have to wait and see how the Gemitos take it.
They may even decide to co-operate.
Bring them in to HQ.
Hold it!
Patrizia?
Down at the bottom.
You've done a nice job, Ranocchia.
- Where are the girls?
- Down at the bottom.
Are the girls up to standard?
This way.
What's the hurry?
Go inside and find out.
What happened? 
Did his heart fail?
You have to get rid of him.
Who is he?
Somebody Trentadenari sent.
I want him gone.
As long as Lebanese doesn't find out.
If this place creates problems, he'll close it.
He's a big guy.
Ranocchia will have to give me a hand.
We know Lebanese did it
..but we have no evidence or witnesses
..unless you help us nail him.
Nail who?
You're too isolated to defend yourselves, or to avenge him
Lebanese? 
Our boss?
We run a fish stall at Trionfale market.
We'd like to help you, but...
Do you know what I think?
Lebanese beat you up
..and you sold out Terribile to him.
That's why your're still alive.
But just as he bought you, sooner or later he'll get rid of you.
Because it's easy to do without a couple of traitors like you.
Unless for once ...you decide to behave like men, and show you're worth something.
- I'd rather live a sheep..
- Then get out!
Get out!
They're working for Lebanese too.
- How can we stop him?
- We need to change tactics,
- I'm tired of losing.
- But how?
A guards's been shot during a bank heist
,.. in Via Mamiani.
Who the fuck are you?
Put that gun away, Lebanese.
Zio Carlo invites you to lunch.
You and your friends.
Well?
What shall I tell him?
Are you sure?
He said Zio Carlo?
Because... 
Zio Carlo is the Mafia.
And the Mafia hasn't bothered us until now.
That's because we haven't ...touched a boss like Terribile until now.
I told you it was no use killing him but you wouldn't listen.
He'd lost his importance, he was lying low.
For some rats the sewers are never deep enough.
They've only invited us to lunch, right?
Exactly! 
Do you know what Mafia lunches are like?
First they fill your bellies.
Then they fill you with lead!
Like Al Pacino in "The Godfather II".
Watch out when he goes to the toilet.
The bathroom scene is in the first film.
They might only poison us.
Poison makes for a horrible death.
You go purple, swell up...
Where did you get to?
Around.
Hurry up, we've been invited to lunch.
But we have to dress up well.
- What's that?
- An identikit of the robber.
Tall, slim, jacket, black crash helmet.
- The bike?
- Green Kawasaki 900.
It might be stolen,
It might, and it might not.
I'm not taking any more slaps.
Nice jacket.
You don't need that.
If Zio Carlo had wanted you dead, you'd be gone by now. 
Come inside.
Lebanese.
...Dandi... ..and you're Freddo.
Right?
They arrived this morning from Mazara: fish from our own seas.
Eat up, they'll go cold.
After you, Zio Carlo.
You..
..are bright, dynamic guys.
Terribile was a good boy ...but he was static.
He didn't like changes.
In our job you have to know how to accept change.
Because only those who know how to adapt will survive.
Therefore ...we have a proposition for you.
We provide the drugs, you find the customers.
What would your cut be?
Nothing.
It's a deal between equals.
We sell, you buy.
Any profit is yours.
And we're in Rome now, we're guests.
This is your home.
How much are we talking about?
Two kilos of pure Colombian, three times a month,
If it works out, we can make it four.
Six kilos a month?
The first delivery straight away.
It was intended for Terribile.
It's yours if you want it.
That is, if you have the cash to pay for it.
- Of course we want it.
- The money's not a problem.
Good.
You will deal directly with him from now on?
Okay?
Eat these fucking prawns!
Do you think they're poisoned?
You should have seen them!
Shrimps as big as babies!
What were they, sharks?
You've only ever seen sardines from the River Aniene.
He said "these come from Mazara".
Tell him Freddo.
"we are your guests in Rome."
- Even the Mafia bows down to us.
- For as long as they need us.
We'll end up like Terribile when they've finished with us.
Freddo, what's wrong with you?
Women? 
Heath problems?
You're in a bad mood and I don't understand why.
The police are here.
Soleri?
I have a warrant for your arrest.
What have you invented now?
Are you his lawyer?
He's the only one who can see it.
It's none of your business, for now.
As you wish.
Yes, as I wish, Proietti.
What's this for?
Calling my dog back.
- Your dog!
- Come on, Soleri.
Wanker.
Tell me something. 
With all they money you've made, ...why do you still come to this shithole?
- Murder? 
When? 
Where?
- What evidence do they have?
We don't know, we're seeing the prosecutor tomorrow.
Then why have they arrested him?
With his record...
Hurry up and get him out.
I've already made out the draft.
Excuse me.
Yes?
What?
I'll be right there.
- Excuse me a minute.
- Go ahead.
Where is he going?
"Armed robbery"
Freddo? 
What are they thinking of?
He's been acting odd lately.
- So? 
What about it?
- Nothing.
Perhaps he wanted to rob a bank on his own.
Not Freddo. 
He'd have told me.
He tells me these things.
We have to find out who did it and hurl it in his face.
Hello Freddo.
Have we met?
We were in Scrocchiazeppi's gang.
We're here to help if you need anything.
Soleri, to the interview room!
You can't find out who did it?
It's not one of the usual guys.
It must be a lone wolf.
Then do the rounds and find him.
Get out, and don't come back empty handed.
Just get the frames to me by Friday.
I'll call you then, give my regards to your husband.
Here's the money for Zio Carlo.
Lebanese.
Can I have a word?
I sent a friend to Patrizia's.
- He's not been seen since.
- Who is this friend?
Somebody from my home town.
Caserta.
Is he important?
No, he's my cousin's friend.
He wanted to fuck an Asian girl.
- I'll see to it.
- Thanks. 
Take care.
What did Trentadenari want?
Nothing, the usual crap.
Green Kawasaki. 
Is it yours?
- Sort of.
- Where do you keep it?
In your garage now.
It used to be mine.
- Where were you at 11am on Monday?
- In my garage.
Were you with anyone?
Her.
Did anyone see you?
- I prefer to be alone.
- You have no alibi.
You have no evidence.
I'll find it, don't worry.
- Can I go back to my cell?
- I'll find it.
Nobody saw his face, and nobody wrote down the licence plate.
The judge won't confirm his arrest,
What are you trying to do, Scialoja?
Play in attack; we've never got anywhere in defence.
And they've taken over Rome.
We'll change tactic.
Somebody shot in a robbery?
We'll check if they were involved.
Whatever happens we go to them first.
Let them feel us breathing down their necks, feel the pressure.
There's always a likely possibility that it was them.
Alright.
Alright.
- Not going to count it?
- Nobody would cheat on Zio Carlo.
It's good stuff.
Will you sell it straight away?
Refined stuff like this has to wait.
We turn off the taps for a couple of weeks
..and let the demand rise, ...the return with the prices doubled.
What do you do with all this money?
Buy houses, apartment blocks.
- Real estate never loses value.
- You can do better than that.
I can introduce you to someone who can give you good advice.
I'd like that. 
What do you think?
Let me know then.
Do you know anything about the robbery at Santo Spirito Bank?
Didn't Freddo do it then?
They all think he did it.
It's that fucking cop's fault.
If he thinks he can take the piss...
Killing Terribile is one thing, a police commissioner is another.
No, he's just some fucker who wants to frame Freddo.
I'll drive, I'm in a hurry.
Remember that basement flat in Trastevere?
- What about it?
- Let's take a look at it.
It will only take half an hour if I drive. 
Let's go.
The request for your release is bound to be granted.
But?
It would be better if we found out who really did the robbery.
Your friends are looking all over Rome for him.
But?
But seeing they haven't found him yet... ..they're wondering whether they should carry on looking.
No.
It's pointless if your friends have to ask that.
Well?
What do you reckon?
- It's hardly a gambling club.
- It's perfect.
We'll have the blackjack here,
..and the roulette and poker over here.
And some nice couple's rooms downstairs.
Three rooms for screwing in.
- It'll need cleaning up, decorating.
- Ranocchia will see to that.
Patrizia's brothel is a big hit.
Freddo was against it,
..and we always made this kind of decision together.
What about the bank robbery?
- He didn't stick to the rules.
- What the fuck are you saying?
If it had been someone else we'd have found him by now.
What the fuck..
Shit.
Sorry Freddo, I didn't see you.
- Sorry?
- I didn't see you.
- What do you want?
- Nothing,
- Tell me what you want!
- I didn't see you, sorry.
- Sorry?
- Sorry
I didn't do anything!
Leave me alone!
Get him off me!
What the fuck are you staring at?
What the fuck are you staring at?
We don't go over people's heads any more.
Terribile's villa is yours.
Along with 22 office, apartments and shops.
All signed by the notary.
Shall we wait until Freddo gets out to ask him about the gambling club.
You want to open a gambling club?
Go ahead.
But tell me something..
What is there to be so pleased about?
Yeah?
Oh, it's you.
I'll be right there.
- What did you want to tell me?
- That you were right.
Freddo didn't do the robbery.
Who did it then?
We don't know his name, but he's from a fascist gang in Europa.
Do they work for you?
We use them now and again ...but they're not on our payroll.
Let's go.
What the fuck are you staring at?
- I haven't done anything.
- Then why were you running away?
Who are you?
- Who did the Santo Spirito robbery?
- Nero, but he's not here.
- Where will we find him?
- I don't know
Tell him Lebanese is looking for him,
..or we'll come back to finish the job.
You're Lebanese?
What the fuck are you staring at?
Get that message to your friend.
I'll do that, Lebanese.
- Where are you going?
- I told the, in the infirmary
.. that I did it when I fell.
I beat you up and you're still apologizing?
I can't fight someone like you.
Why not?
Leave me alone.
I've done you no harm.
Of course. 
I'm a boss and you're just some jerk,
Go away!
Freddo didn't do the robbery.
Yes but we need this Nero.
He'll be hiding in some sewer.
Who's this?
I heard you were looking for me.
If you shoot, you're a dead man.
I've been prepared to die for some time.
But that's not why you came here.
I need to launder the money from the robbery.
With a man lying dead, it's hot money.
It can be done.
But I want the bike and crash helmet used in the robbery.
Hola.
Hola.
Fabrizio?
Your friends outside say not to worry, things are working out.
Yeah
My friends outside.
Wait!
Does it still hurt?
No.
I need a pen and some paper.
Can you get some for me?
I asked you.
I can try.
Money crash helmet
motorbike.
Where's my cut?
- Is that it?
- 5 million lire in cash.
We agreed to go halves, there must be about 20 there.
Divided by 2 makes 10.
Less the penalty for that prank with the gun ... makes 5.
The bike's worth 2 million.
No. it's worth 20 years in jail if they catch you riding it.
And what do you care?
You live for the action, not for the money.
It's a pleasure doing business with you.
What shall I do with the bike?
Take it to this address.
What the fuck are you staring at?
You can't be serious?
It's a present for a friend.
Good morning sir.
It's over here.
Here.
This is it.
Freddo.
Freddo.
This is all I could get hold of.
It will do.
Thanks.
It's the bike used for the robbery.
With a bullet in the saddle.
We'll have to let Freddo go now.
They're taking the piss.
We've just lost a battle
A girl with a foreign accent just called.
She said she has some information about Dandi and Patrizia.
She'll expect you tonight at 8. 
This is here address.
The Chinese girl's lost her marbles, she phoned the police.
What did she tell them?
I couldn't hear.
Where is she now?
I don't know, she's gone.
Where does she live?
I don't know.
Find her, quickly!
- What did I tell you?
- To keep my mouth shut.
Then why did you call the police?
I haven't told them anything.
I swear!
In Italy they call this "end of employment money".
Take it and go.
If I see you again, I'll send you to keep that old fucker company.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Here. go and buy yourself some peanuts.
It's brand new.
Not bad as an exchange.
It was worth getting arrested for.
Welcome back.
Where are Lebanese and Dandi?
Organizing the opening of the gambling club.
What gambling club?
He doesn't know about it.
We'll explain it to him.
Hurry up, I can smell cops here.
Come on, they're waiting for us.
Hello everyone, enjoy yourselves.
7, 9, 11..
About time.
You kept us waiting.
Nice place you've got here.
You should see downstairs, we've got beds with mirrors on the ceiling.
Four.
Have you lost again?
How do you say "tough shit" in African?
Excuse me.
Can I have a word?
Of course.
- Well?
- Well what?
That guy from Caserta?
I tried to find him. 
He went to the brothel,
..had a screw, thanked them and left.
- Where? 
He never returned to his hotel.
- How the fuck do I know?
Perhaps he liked the Orient so much that he's gone to live in China.
Don't think about it now, just enjoy the party.
Welcome back!
What do you think? 
Do you like it?
We've even got the state on our side now.
- How was your honeymoon?
- Crap.
Montezuma got his revenge on me in Mexico.
What a beauty!
I want to introduce you to someone.
Hi handsome.
Business is doing well, no one can beat is at making a profit.
- Or spending it.
- But we don't know how to invest it.
We've bought half of Rome
What about the banks, stock market, speculation?
We know nothing about these things.
We need someone to advise us.
Zio Carlo, for example, gets Secco here to help him.
I'm not with you.
You explain it to him.
If you give me a share of the kitty, say 10 or 15 percent, ... in a month I'll get you
45, maybe 50 percent back.
Meaning?
If you give me 10 million lire,
- you'll get 15 million back.
- We have a magician here.
What do we have to do?
Nothing, Hand over the money at the end of each month; 
I'll do the rest.
Who is this guy, Father Christmas?
So if we're all agreed, we have a new partner.
- Anyone not in favour?
- I'm not.
It's a farce.
You put everything to the vote, when you've already made your mind up.
The way you always do.
- He's in a bad mood.
- He's pissed off.
Don't take it personally Secco, stress makes you lose weight.
Freddo.
Freddo!
The gambling club received a majority vote.
It's not my fault you weren't here.
It's not the club, it's the people who are here.
The Mafia, the secret intelligence people,
- What do we need them for?
- To grow.
We've grown, and Rome is getting too small for us.
And you want to climb even higher?
When you get to the top, you can only come down again.
Your friends are here.
Having problems?
No, it's all sorted.
Nice bike.
Crap party, eh?
They smile to your face then stab you in the back.
Who are you?
Theyguy that got you into trouble then got you out of jail.
Shall we go for a ride?
What did you call it? 
Astro..?
Astrology.
You study the stars to find out who you are,
Who am I?
I need to know what your star is.
I've never had a star.
Then choose one you like.
Okay...
I'll have that big fat one, high in the sky.
Orion. 
He was a dead shot hunter.
He offended the goddess who had fallen in love with him.
No matter how much he tried to apologize, ...he was sentenced to death.
- Then what?
- To save him,
..Zeus turned him into the brightest star in the north.
What's that?
The apology to the goddess.
Get out.
Get out!
No, Freddo.
I've not grown tired of it yet.

- She looks a little...
- Hang on, let me just pull it just here.
- She must...
- We're still working on it.
- This is just a brief cut.
- Okay.
I never thought Bette would lie and cheat and sneak around on me and treat me just as badly as every man I've ever been with.
I thought women would be better somehow.
I know you're all sitting there judging me.
And I think I deserve it.
I fucked up.
There's something I need to say.
- We should go.
- Yeah.
- Absolutely.
- Stay.
Please.
If you have something to say, go ahead, say it in front of our friends.
Nina, I just left the plomber's house.
You...
- just came from her house...?
- I told her that I loved you.
That you're the love of my life.
And I'm never gonna see her again.
If I'm the love of your life, what did you fuck her?
!
Bev...
I'm so sorry, Nina.
You shouldn't have cheated on me.
What can I do to help you to forgive me?
We both need to set a time for us, for our relationship.
I want to, Nina.
I don't wanna lose you.
We belong together.
Thank God. 
I don't know what I would have done if they'd split up.
They're like the best couple that ever lived. 
They really are.
They're role models for the rest of us.
An example for the straight world.
There's one more good reason why we should stay together.
What's that?
I'm gonna have your baby!
Oh, no!
So, what do you think?
I think I need some things to work.
I just have a few notes if you can go back to the second to...
- "Medicine Bend" by Margie Joseph -
Tom and Jodi are in touch.
She emailed him.
She's staying with a friend.
It's good that she has friends.
Yeah, but we are her friends too.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude.
Apologies.
I'm sorry. 
I'm having a day.
Did he say which friend?
I'm not sure. 
Amy maybe.
Have you not spoken to her at all?
She hasn't returned any of my messages.
- Oh! 
Would you blame her?
- I'm not blaming her.
Ladies, please, don't fight.
I can't stand it when sisters do that.
Jenny, this isn't a scene in your movie.
You don't have to direct it.
Stay out of it, Alice.
You are so PMS-ing. 
Please.
I'm not PMS-ing.
You're the one that's PMS-ing.
You've been flying off the handle over every single thing this morning.
I'm so glad I don't have to go through that anymore.
- I second that emotion.
- Tina,
- what time is my call today?
- I don't know your call time, okay?
This is the whole crew.
I don't know when everyone comes up.
Hello, ladies.
Hey, gang's all here.
Look at that, babe.
What's the matter?
You all look a little down.
What is it?
PMS?
Did you all sync up on the Subaru pink ride?
Look, uh, Denbo, what's up?
Are we still ?
Oh, oh, yeah.
We're so very excited to tell you, guys.
My lover Cindi and I met an old friend of yours.
Does the name Ivan Aycock ring a bell?
- You saw Ivan?
- Yeah.
Wasn't easy to find ol' Ivan, let me tell you, but I have my ways.
Anyway, anyway. 
I tracked her down, and uh,
God bless her, she couldn't have been happier to unload her 51% of The Planet.
I would say that she was actually practically gleeful to sell it to me.
- How fucking dare you?
!
- You know what? 
Get the fuck out of here!
Oh, really? 
Oh, honey, they're telling us to get the fuck out of here.
Well, you can't really tell us to get the fucking out of here because we own this place.
What?
!
- You motherfucking liar!
- Kit!
Okay, okay, we're leaving.
But we'll be back, with a decorator, 'cause I tell you, this place does need of a serious makeover. 
Ciao!
Looks like somebody got here before me.
- Jodi, I'm so sorry...
- Why is she talking to me?
Doesn't she know I'm deaf?
- Where do you wanna go?
- It's up to you.
- You don't have a car?
- I've got called a cab.
Well, I have some meetings I need to reschedule.
Do what you have to do.
Hey, James, it's me.
Listen, I have something that I need to take care of this morning.
Can you reschedule my morning meetings?
Yes, the one with Phyllis.
I don't care what you have to tell her.
Just tell her I have wicked P.M.S. I don't know.
She probably doesn't even remember what that feels like.
Okay, great.
Alright. 
Thank you.
- Listen, if you have to go to work...
- No, I don't need to go to work.
But I know how busy you are.
And I don't want it to be a problem for you.
This is the most important thing in the world to me.
What is?
This. 
You and me.
Here is 20.
No, no, no, it's okay. 
It's on me.
Are you and Bette planning on moving in together?
No, we're not planning anything.
I mean, she has to talk to Jodi first.
You know, I gotta tell you, Tina, I really respect you for showing some restraint and holding back.
I do.
Well, it's about time.
- Jesus!
- What?
Jenny had an art department meeting this morning, and she missed it, and Adele went in her place instead.
Wait, shouldn't Adele make sure that Jenny knew about the meeting?
Yeah, Max is right.
She should have told her.
I'm sure she tried.
I gotta go, you guys.
I gotta fix this.
- 20?
- No, I...
Oh, good.
You don't get to do this.
You have no right to be the one who does this.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I never meant to...
I never meant for this to happen.
What happened?
I don't even know what's happening!
Afterwards, I don't seem to know.
But I'm there to talk to you.
Did you and that woman fuck?
I don't know who you're talking about.
Did you fuck her? 
Are you fucking?
How long has this been going on?
It's not about fucking.
I don't know how it happened.
I think that
Tina and I, we just... we just never really finished,
- you know, and we have Angelica...
- I know you have Angelica.
But it isn't just about Angelica.
We have so much history, and there's...
I don't think that we realized how strong the connection... and there's just still so much that hasn't been resolved.
So fucking her resolved it?
- I told you...
- Oh, I know. 
It's not about fuck.
I know.
Are you in love with her?
- It's very complicated.
- Of course it's complicated.
I'm asking if you love her.
Yes. 
I love her.
Do you love me?
Yes, I love you. 
I do.
No, no, no, no...
I'm gonna fight for you.
I like it. 
I mean, it doesn't have as much character as my building, but, it's a house.
It will be our house.
- The rent's way too expensive.
- It's not that expensive.
It's eight times of my apartment in Long Beach.
Well, we'll be splitting the rent, so...
Okay, well, four times as much.
We don't have to split the rent exactly down the middle.
Yes we fuckin' do!
If I get the job, I'll be making a lot of money.
Alice, can we just please keep looking?
I hope you bleed soon.
I really do.
Fuck you!
- Hi. 
Twelve in the morning.
- Okay, thanks.
How was the bike ride?
Oh, God, wow, it was... it was hard.
Yeah, well, you're in good shape.
Not really, I hell hope that was.
So, so, how was your week end?
- I'm ready to get back to work.
- Well, good. 
That's good.
I think it's a problem we won't worry about today.
Niki be going a nightmare.
You know what?
I think everything's gonna be just fine.
You do?
I never thought I'd say this, but I actually think that Jenny's got some...
- Talent?
- She's making some really interesting stylistic choices and...
Last night I was watching daylies and I thought to myself: "Oh my God!
We might have a really good movie".
Can you come to the conference room, please?
Sure.
I'll see you on set.
What is it now?
Take a seat.
Okay. 
Does someone wanna tell us what this is all about?
Here we go.
- Harder?
- Harder, yeah.
I love you fucking me.
Enough.
Enough! 
Cut it off!
Who did this?
Well, I think it's fair to say that you and Niki did it.
This was a private tape.
- Who has seen this abomination?
- It's not an abomination.
Nobody's seen it.
Yet.
There are 25 more copies.
And each one of them is logged, addressed and ready to go out to
Letterman, Leno,
Oprah, Ellen, Fox, E!
, the National Enquirer, Star, Hola!
, Hello,
Perez Hilton...
but none of them have seen it yet, and frankly, I would like to never have to send it.
What is it that you want, Adele?
Tina, look, this is not about what I want.
This is about this film.
This is about "Lez Girls". 
This is about this incredibly important and powerful and significant film that has the opportunity to change hearts and minds and affect the lives of millions of people.
And it mustn't be tainted by a scandal caused by the... the inexcusably reckless and tot... completely entitled behavior of the very few people entrusted with this opportunity.
I'm gonna call William, and I'm gonna tell,
I'm gonna tell him what a disgusting ? 
be.
I've shown no one the tape, and
I've spoken to William at length, and he agrees with me that the situation has become untenable.
What is it that you want, Adele?
- Stop. 
Jodi, stop! 
Stop!
- What?
I can't do this.
It's not right.
I don't want to do this with you.
Fuck!
- Where are you going?
- To go kill myself. 
Move!
- Please, please don't do this.
- Let me go!
I can't let you go.
Why?
Can you make up your mind?
I thought you wanted to get rid of me!
I can't let you go when you're threatening to hurt yourself.
I'm not going to kill myself over you.
Don't flatter yourself.
Jodi.
I really care for you so deeply, but I am not going to walk away and just turn my back on you and let you hate me.
I'm going to fight for this relationship.
Look,
I have to go to school.
- I have two meetings...
- Stop, stop, stop!
So please, Bette, have some respect for me.
I have total respect for you.
Now, what do you want me to do?
Niki, come here.
Niki, please come here.
I have to talk to you.
- What? 
What's going on?
- We have to get out of here.
What's wrong?
Someone get their hold on that tape that we made on the Pink Ride.
And they're trying to extort and blackmail the production.
- Wait, wait...
- So we've got to get out of here.
- What tape? 
The tape in the tent?
- Yes, this tape.
- Jenny, get away from her! 
Niki?
- Oh my God!
- Kevin, do you know about that?
- No, no, wait, Niki.
- Get away from her.
- Kevin, do you...?
- Yes, I do. 
Come here.
- He doesn't care about you.
Don't listen to him.
He just cares about his fucking paycheck.
He doesn't care about the movie that we're trying to make, okay?
I want, I want you guys to know what's going on here.
That these people are, they're, they're, they're traitors.
And they're soulless.
And they're trying to ruin this movie.
Okay, that's enough. 
Alright.
Somebody call security right now.
- Yeah, you heard him. 
Please.
- Wait!
- Just give one second with her.
- So, if anybody has any integrity, come with me.
You can come with me, you can stand up to these people.
So, who wants to come with me?
Who's...
Hey, who's with me?
I'm with you.
Yeah? 
Great.
Do you wanna come with me?
Would you please escort Miss Schecter out of the lot?
Wait, wait, wait, just give me a second.
Jenny, look at me.
Please, come with me. 
Alright?
I am on your side.
I promise you, I'm on your side.
Let me walk you out of here.
Please...
Please.
Please come with me?
- Please...
- Shane...
I'll talk to her.
Niki, you're under contract.
Come on. 
Let's go.
Alright, everybody back to work.
How are we supposed to be back to work without a director?
The director is here.
- "Film Noir" by BETTY -
Because our relationship will be unbalanced if you pay a bigger portion of the rent.
I will be out of balance if you make me live in a shithole.
A shithole?
This is nicer than any place I've ever lived in.
Alright, we can talk about this later.
After the taping. 
I have to get ready.
We'll go for diner, or something.
I don't know.
I'm going to Long Beach.
I don't know if I'll be back in time.
You're not coming to my taping?
I didn't know you wanted me to go.
Why would...
No, but if it's that important to you, then,
- I mean, I don't know, I'll go.
- Whatever.
Look, it's just that a bunch of my friends are gonna be there and... it's kinda like important to them.
I'll ?
. 
It's okay.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I need you to listen to me, alright?
Listen to me and trust me.
Why should I trust you, Tina?
Because I'm as stunned as you are.
Alright?
I feel like a fucking idiot.
Just this morning, I defended Adele.
I have to get off this set.
- I gotta get out of here.
- Stay here. 
Listen.
- I need you to listen to me. 
Do not...
- Tina, I have to get out of here.
Listen, listen to me right now, okay?
Do not do anything stupid.
Do not retaliate, okay?
Do not get in the way of production.
Talk to your agents. 
Let them help you.
And later you can call Niki if you'd like to.
She's dead to me.
I'm sorry.
I know how much that must hurt.
I understand.
Do you understand?
Okay, fine, Jenny, maybe I could not understand that, alright?
It's just...
I need you to give me some time to figure out how to fix this, okay?
There's no way
I'm going to let that bitch walk away with our movie.
It is our movie.
It's our movie.
It is our movie.
Oh, Tina.
Don't be afraid.
I'm sorry. 
Fuck!
It's okay. 
Let just keep rolling.
Back to ?
And action.
Come on.
Don't be afraid.
I'm so afraid.
I'm sorry.
I want you to try it again.
Karina, jog Jessie toward you.
That's good.
Jessie, tilt your head up.
close your eyes, like it's happening to you,
like you're not in control of your own body.
It's good.
Let your lips apart.
Karina, kiss Jessie.
That's nice.
Excellent. 
Very nice. 
Cut.
Okay. 
Let's ? 
everyone.
Let's try to reset.
Okay everyone.
We're going to do it once more and then we'll turn around on Jessie.
Sam, can I get a little pushing this time as Karina's lips touch Jessie's?
- Thanks.
- So let's reset, everyone.
Hey Niki. 
It was really beautiful.
Thank you.
This is Bette Porter.
You've reached my cellphone.
Leave a message.
Where are you?
I really need to talk to you.
You won't believe what's happening here.
It's fucking crazy.
Just... can you call me back?
Call me back when you can, okay?
All right, I'm going to try you at the home phone.
This is "The Look" with Sandra Husy and Mary Lamm.
and back with us again today, our special guest host,
- Alice Pieszecki.
- Thank you, thank you.
And today we have fashion designer, Clea Mason, who won the price for Best New Designer at last year Junior Fashion Show.
That's right. 
And she's here today to present her super hot, super androgynous menswear-influenced fall collection.
Just your style, huh, Alice?
Well, actually, Mary, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm actually pretty much a femme. 
Yeah.
- Femme?
- Oh, yeah. 
Totally girlie girl.
Dresses, girlish pumps.
Thank you.
But bring on those boyish babes in their hot butch fall fashion, huh? 
Woo!
Spare us, Alice.
Oh, come on, Mary, you know you want to try it. 
All you straight girls do.
Well... 
I don't.
Tsk, tsk. 
Don't protest too much.
I don't know what you're insinuating, but I'll have you know not everyone is gay.
And thank God for that.
Well, we'll be right back after this.
- "Slightly Elevated" by Beef Wellington (Fila Brazilia Mix) -
And Clea Mason, everyone!
Well, welcome to the show.
- Thank you.
- Come joining us.
- Ladies.
- Hi.
- I love you.
- Thank you.
Nice to meet you.
- Have a seat.
- Thanks.
So, Clea, what inspires you to dress women?
I don't know... it's, um... it's, um...
I bet it's the same reason that I like to undress them.
That sounds about right.
So, let's, let's talk underwear.
What do you like women to wear under your clothes?
Well, um...
I like boxers or ? 
because it kinda makes you feel like a 14 year-old boy.
Which is liberating for women.
Oh yeah?
And totally hot.
Exactly.
It's also sexy, I think, to wear like lingerie under men's clothes.
Totally, totally hot.
And we'll be right back after this.
Why did she get fired?
I can't tell you. 
But all I can tell you is that it's really bad.
- I'm worried about her, Tina.
- Me too.
I think you should go and be with her.
I just have to figure it out.
I feel bad.
I don't wanna leave in a urge, but...
You know what? 
I was just looking at this and I think
Begonia's fine with Juliana.
I'm just, you know,
- I'm just worried about Niki.
- Oh fuck Niki, Tina. 
Come on!
You know, she had no choice, okay?
She couldn't walk out with Jenny otherwise she would have been under breach of contract, alright?
- She did the right thing.
- No, she didn't.
This is Bette Porter.
You've reached my cellphone.
Leave a message.
Bette,
I'm in trouble.
I'm gonna do something bad.
I've rescheduled the texto department staff meeting, but they really need some time with you.
Did you tell them it was a family emergency?
Yeah, of course. 
They understood.
Dean Porter?
Oh, Freddy.
- I'm so sorry I missed your presentation.
- It's okay.
Just make sure you come see the other, okay?
- Absolutely.
- The press will be there.
The Thesis Review Board is fine to wait until monday.
Phyllis had to go to Sacramento, so we had to postpone that meeting anyway.
- Oh, good.
- Although there's something else
I thought you might wanna hear about.
We got a call from W Magazine.
I love W.
I know it's your favorite magazine.
That's why I thought you wanna hear about this right away.
They wanna do a story on the two of you.
- On Bette and me?
- Yeah.
After the Ellen DeGeneres cover was such a hot item, they want to do something on, like, power lesbian couples?
They want you to be the, the art power couple.
So they want to photograph you guys at the, at Jodi's Hammer Museum opening.
But it's coming fast. 
So we need to let them know. 
What should I tell them?
- Yes.
- No.
Sorry I've kept you waiting.
Goodbye and good days, see you tomorrow, oh, and don't forget to log on our website after the show to let us know whether you want
Alice to become a permanent ?
on "The Look".
Of course they do.
- See you later.
- Bye bye.
Wow? 
How was it? 
Do your cheeks hurt from all of the smiling you have to do.
- Oh, Alice.
- Can I get water?
Okay, I'll see you. 
Okay.
I'm Alice. 
How are you?
Hi. 
Thanks for coming.
Please vote for me.
Tell your friends.
Don't you want me?
Would you excuse me?
I'm sorry. 
Thanks.
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
I just wanted to invite you to a party next week on the Venice boardwalk.
It's fashion week and we're having this outdoor fashion show.
"Outdoor fashion show", right there.
- I would love to come. 
Thank you.
- Oh, good.
I wanna get one of those little scooters.
Well, I could take you for a ride on mine.
I think you have a fan.
Tasha?
! 
W...
I want you to meet Clea Mason.
- No? 
Okay.
- Hi.
- Alright. 
I hope you could come.
- I'm definitively gonna be there.
Thanks for the invite.
- What are you doing here?
- I didn't go.
'Cause of me?
You looked great.
I got here late, but the audience, they really like you.
I'm really glad you stayed.
How was the meeting?
You know we can't be part of that piece.
It would be dishonest.
Dishonest how?
They're writing about couples and we're not a couple.
We're not?
Because it's just not working.
I meant our friendship.
I don't think that therapy is the answer, Jodi.
Why?
I don't wanna go to therapy.
- I've had enough therapy.
- But you owe it to me.
Jodi, I wanted so much for this relationship to work.
I love who you are.
I love how you stand in the world.
I love your talent; 
I love your passion;
I love your anger;
but you and I are just fundamentally different.
We have different core values.
- What are my values?
- It doesn't matter.
It's not a judgment.
What matter is
that there's been something missing for me.
Something that is hard to define.
And I have been desperately just trying to create this thing, and just looking for it. 
But I...
I've been just flailing.
And I realize now that you and I, we're never going to find it.
How do you know?
Because I have it with someone else.
I'm sorry to interrupt, but Melissa just called.
Is everything okay?
Well she has food poisoning or something and she can't pick up Angie from her playday.
Okay, thank you.
- Do you have to go now?
- No.
- Who are you calling?
- Tina.
We didn't sign on to do an Adele Channing movie.
Look, this happens all the time and there's business, okay?
Director gave you place, you have to roll with it.
You have a phone call...
Well, is it true she's gonna fire Niki?
No.
Is it true Shane quit?
Excuse me. 
I have to take this.
Bette, I can't talk.
I'm in a meeting.
Look, Melissa's sick and I'm not gonna be able to pick Angie at the playgroup
- I was wandering if you could pick her up.
- No, I can't.
It's total chaos here.
- Where are you?
- I'm at school.
Jodi's here.
- Still?
- I'm trying my best.
I'll tell you about it later, okay?
Okay. 
Fine.
Babe, what's taking you so long?
I messed up.
Well, hurry up, alright?
We want it for 6' for showtime.
You have a phone call...
Bette, I can't talk right now.
Listen, I am in such a ?
Alright? 
Melissa's sick.
And, and, I was wandering if, you know, maybe you could pick up Angie from playgroup. 
I'm sorry, I'm not gonna be able to get there in time.
Alright, alright, alright, I'll be there.
Do you want a ride home?
Suck.
Never again am I gonna avail myself to someone with such generosity and an open heart and show her the ropes and teach her everything I know.
- "Only Women Bleed" by Alice Cooper -
You can't let Adele do that to you.
No, I'm talking about Niki.
- Oh, fuck Niki.
- I did.
She's fucking worthless.
Damn all those actors.
She should be on the cover of Maxim.
Hey,
I'm not in love with her anymore.
Good.
She's dead to me.
- Niki's dead?
- She doesn't exist anymore.
Ding, dong, Niki's dead?
It's like a wicked witch.
- Yeah, that's right.
- No.
Like a wicked...
that, like, wicked witch! 
Okay.
She pretends to be like all sweet and all innocent, right?
And like she's like,
"I think you're like the greatest writer ever, and, like I wanna be just like you"...
- And, you know...
- Well, she's an actor. 
That's what they do.
- No, Adele.
- Who?
Adele!
Adele? 
Oh God, Adele...
Jenny, Adele is...
- What?
- She's a snake.
A snake in the grass. 
She's...
She's a fucking serpent.
I have terrible cramps.
You do?
Can I have another hit off the bong?
I was about to give you a compliment though.
What?
- I admire you.
- You do?
I think you're... a real survivor.
Ever since you got here.
Yeah, you got that.
And then you're all...
Oh but seriously, like you're really...
You got knocked down a few times, but look at you, you got back up and
- you wrote your story.
- Yeah.
You put it up there.
That's big.
I haven't done that.
I'm going to throw the compliment right back at you.
Oh yeah?
- What's that?
- You didn't have to come with me today.
It's solidarity. 
Look at that.
You gave me my job.
You're my best friend.
You know that.
So, of course I would do that.
It's the truth.
Do you need a ride?
Tom is coming picking me up.
I wanna call you about about my Hammer speech I want you to read.
This was gonna be your birthday present.
Whatever.
- "You Were Wrong" by Castle Project -
Hey you, guys.
Max,
- the oracle.
- Max, you're the shit. 
I gotta listen to you.
You guys are so stoned.
Max, Adele has fucked me over.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
- Have a seat.
- Welcome to my house.
- What happened?
Would you like some cannabis?
- Yeah.
- I should have listened to you.
I should have listened to you.
- "Living a Life Without Love" by Veda Brown -
Oh yes. 
Hang on, baby girl.
I'll be right there.
Brown rice pudding and organic oatmeal raisin cookies.
Your mama would...
Hi, Angelica.
Guess what I've got for you.
Cookie and... 
Hi, pretty.
Let me have your toy.
Let share. 
Okay?
Let share.
Oh God!
Can I have it?
Guess who's here?
!
- Look!
- Hey, hi baby girl.
Who's that? 
Mama T.
Yeah. 
Oh!
- And mama B. 
- Mama B. is here.
- She's here, honey.
- Hi you, pumpkin pie.
I missed you.
You would not believe the day I had.
I bet I could give you a run for your money.
And I could give you both a run for your money.
I promise you that Dawn Denbo and her lover Cindi are not going to get their hands on The Planet.
You know, that's not important.
You know, what's important is this beautiful baby girl and her wonderful mommies.
You're sweet.
You say thank you to aunt Kitty?
You wanna go home?
Let's ask mama T. if she wanna go home, maybe.
Go home!
Do you wanna...?
Yeah.
- Thank you. 
Thank you.
- It's okay.
- "Choices" by Bettye LaVette -

PREVIOUSLY ON "THE AMAZING RACE."
ALL RIGHT.
FOUR TEAMS TOOK OFF FROM INDIA AND HEADED TO OSAKA,JAPAN.
THIS IS A DIRECT FLIGHT.
NONSTOP IS CRITICAL.
RON RETURNED TO HIS OVERBEARING WAYS.
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE,OKAY?
OK.
YOU'RESURETHATTHISISGOOD? 
THISISTHEERMIESTWHICHISAVAILABLE.
RACHELANDT.K.GAMBLEDANDVENTUREDOFFONTHEIR OWN.
SOMETHINGDOESN'TFEELRIGHTABOUTTHIS. 
I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYONE.
NICOLASFOUNDHIMSELFPICKINGUPTHELOADFORHISGRANDFATHER.
TIRED?
NO,I NEEDWATER.
WEHAVETO GETACAB. 
AND NATE AND JEN PUSHED HARD FOR A FIRST-PLACE FINISH.
GET IN.
MY GOD.
NATHAN,I CANNOTBELIEVEYOU JUSTFRICKENPUSHEDME.
IDIDN'TPUSHYOU .
RON MADE AN EFFORT TO BE ONE WITH THE TEAM.
YOU'VE BEEN GREAT ALL DAY.
YOU HAVEN'T YELLED AT ME AT ALL.
AND FATHER AND DAUGHTER WERE FIRST TO ARRIVE.
YOU TEAM NO.1
AND AFTER LANDING IN JAPAN OVER THREE HOURS BEHIND THE OTHER TEAMS,
RACHEL AND T.K. WERE THE LAST TO ARRIVE.
THE GOOD NEWS IS THIS IS A NONELIMINATION ROUND.
YOU'RE STILL IN THE RACE.
THERE'S SOME BAD NEWS.
SPEED BUMP
A SPEED BUMP IS A TASK THAT ONLY YOU GUYS HAVE TO COMPLETE.
?
FOUR TEAMS REMAIN.
WHO WILL BE ELIMINATED
TONIGHT?
-=ÆÆÀÃÐÜ×ÖÄ"×é=- ·­Ò룺¸öÈËID ʱ¼äÖ᣺Á÷´Ü У¶Ô£º¸öÈËID
±¾×ÖÄ"½ö¹©Ñ§Ï°½"Á÷£¬ÑϽûÓÃÓÚÉÌÒµÓÃ;
THIS IS OSAKA, JAPAN.
A GATEWAY STET OF NEARLY THREE MILLION PEOPLE.
AND ON THEASTERN EDGE OF THIS BOOMING METROPOLITAN, THE PARK.
THIS IS THE NINTH PIT STOP IN A RACE AROUND THE WORLD.
TEAMS ARRIVED HERE AT THE END OF THE LAST LEG FOR A MANDATORY REST PERIOD.
CAN RACHEL AND T.K. OVERCOME A THREE-HOUR DEFICIT AND A SPEED BUMP?
AND WHICH OF THE FOUR TEAMS WILL MAKE IT INTO THE FINAL THREE?
AND RACE FOR $1 MILLION?
RONALD AND CHRISTINA WHO WERE THE FIRST TO ARRIVE AT 7:02 P.M.
WILL DEPART AT 7:02 A.M.
TRAVEL BY TAXI TO THE BUILDING WITH A HOLE IN IT.
THEN FIND THE FLOATING GARDEN.
TEAMS MUST NOW TRAVEL BY TAXI ACROSS THE CITY
AND FIND THIS BUILDING WITH A HOLE IN IT.
?
WHEN THEY ARRIVE,
THEY MUST FIGURE OUT THAT THE FLOATING GARDEN IS ACTUALLY AN OBSERVATORY LOCATED ON THE ROOF
WHERE THEY'LL SEARCH FOR THEIR NEXT CLUE.
taxi.
LET'SGETTHISONE .
dad. come on.
good job.
?
I'M SO PROUD...?
?
WHERE EASED OFF YELLING AND HE ENDS UP HAVING A CALM VOICE.
I...? 
I'M PROUD OF THE PROGRESS HE'D MADE.
WE GOTTA RUN THIS RACE REAL FAST.
YEAH,THIS IS THE RACE TO THE FINAL THREE.
LET'S DO.
DO IT.
DOYOUKNOWWHERETHIS IS?
YES, OK?
HAPPYBIRTHDAY.
THISISMY BIRTHDAYPRESENT.
NICE THAT RACHEL AND T.K. ARE THREE HOURS BEHIND.
NATEANDIARE NOT PLAYINGMR.NICEJENAND NATE.
I'MTHEINCREDIBLEHULK.
WE'RE GOING TO TEAR OUR SHIRTS OFF
AND EVERYBODY IS GOING TO BE LIKE, WOE.
LIKE...?
WE'RE STAYING IN JAPAN A LITTLE LONGER THAT BE EXPECTED.
I'MDOWNWITHTHAT.
$374FORTODAY'SRACE.LET'SGO.
?
IT'S BEEN A LITTLE STRESSFUL FOR ME.
I'M NOT ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH SOME OF THE RUNNINGS.
I WISH I COULD DO MORE.
BUT I'M DOING ALL I CAN.
SKY BUILDING.
FLOATING GARDEN,RIGHT HERE.
OK. 
OK.
IT'S BEHIND THIS.
BEHIND THIS BUILDING?
SEE IT?
YEAH, YEAH.
OK?
THERE'S RON AND CHRIS RIGHT THERE.
?
GIVE ME YOUR BAG?
I TRY.
I SEE ....
RIGHT HERE.
LET'SGOIN VERYQUICKLY.
OH,MAN.
10:00 A.M.
?
THEY MUST HAVE ALREADY FOUND IT.
THEFLOATINGGARDENOBSERVATORY.
HOPE IT'S OPEN.
ITOPENSAT 10 :00.
THAT SUCKS.
NICOLAS AND DON ARE HERE.
?
IT DOESN'T OPEN UNTIL 10.
CRAP.
?
ANY AMOUNT OF TIME BEFORE THEY GET HERE IS GOOD.
YEAH.
GO, GO, GO.
COME ON.
NATE, COME ON.WE WANT TO GET IN THE SAME ELEVATOR AS THEM.
LET'S GO, LET'S GO.
GO, GO, CLOSE THE DOOR.CLOSE IT.
HOLD IT.
WE MADE IT.
Y GUYS ARE FAST.
LET'S GO. 
RIGHT NOW.
I PUSH IT.
OK.
OH, MY GOSH.
COME ON. 
NATE.
COMEON,DADDY.
JENNYYOUHAVETOWAIT .
YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE OFF WHILE I'M IN THE BACK.
SORRY,NATE.
LET'S GO.DON.
ARE YOU TIRED?
NO, I'M FINE.
FLY TO taipei TAIWAN
THE TEAMS MUST NOW TRAVEL OVER 1,000 MILES
TO THE ISLAND OF TAIWAN AND ITS CAPITAL TAIPEl.
THEY'LL TAKE A TAXI TO taipei STAKES.
IT'S HERE THAT THEY'LL FIND THEIR NEXT CLUE.
?
WHENYOULANDTRAVELBYTAXITOTHEMAIN STATION. 
WHENYOUTHINKYOU HAVEAHEADSTART, 
YOU'RE SHOT BACK DOWN TO SIZE.
FLY TO taipei TAIWAN LET'S GO.
TAKE THE BAG OFF.
DAD. 
THAT IS HOT.
?
I WAS AFRAID TO JUMP OFF BUT I WAS HAPPY TO MAYBE STAY IN THE CITY
AND GET MORE OF A HEAD START ON RACHEL AND T.K.
NO KIDDING.
ALL RIGHT.LET'S DO IT.
IF WE DO CATCH UP AND DO A SPEED BUMP.
A SPEED BUMP IS AN EXTRA TASK THAT WE WILL HAVE TO DO
BECAUSE WE GOT LAST AND IT WAS A NONELIMINATION LEG.
I THAT YOU THERE'S GOING TO BE NO QUITTING UNTIL WE GET TO THE PIT STOP.
?
KANSAI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT.PLEASE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
TAXI.
THE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT.
THERE THEY ARE.DAMN IT.
ME NATE AND JENNIFER HAVE HAD A LOT OF LUCK IN JAPAN.
?
SO..
WE THING OUR COMPETTION'S CUT OUR FOR US.
RACHEL AND T.K. ARE GOING TO CRUISE UP.
TOLD YOU THEY'RE CATCHING UP.
WE JUST CAN'T WORRY ABOUT THEM.
WEWERELASTTOLEAVEASALWAYS .
ON THIS LEG OF THE RACE, WE'RE GOING TO BE AGGRESSIVE.
WE'VE BEEN PLAYING THE GAME LIKE BITCHES SO FAR AND SO HAS EVERYONE ELSE.
NO COMPETITORS ARE LEFT.
IT'S A BUNCH OF PANSIES IN THE GAME.
?
FINDTHEGARDENS.
WHATTHEHELLISA FLOATINGGARDEN?
I DON'T KNOW.IT'S GOT TO BE AROUND HERE.
WHERE ELSE CAN WE LOOK?
GOTTOSTAYINTHIS RACE .
JUST MAKE SURE WE DON'T GET ELIMINATED.
THAT'S MY MAIN FEAR.
?
I THINK MY DAD AND I ARE A SMARTER TEAM THAN JENNIFER AND NATHAN AND NICOLAS AND DONALD.
IKNOWNOTHINGABOUTTAIWANEXCEPT-
I THINK thai FOOD IS PRETTY GOOD.
THESEGUYSARESMART.
WE'REGOINGIN THERECOLD-BLINDED.
IHAVEACOUPLEOFthaiFRIENDS.
THISISTHESKY BUILDING,RIGHT?
YEP.
ITSAYSTHEFLOATINGGARDENSOBSERVATORY.
IT'S GOT TO BE THE RIGHT PLACE.
IDON'TLIKETHIS.
OK,BABY,LOOK,WE'RENOTNEARLYASFARBEHINDAS WETHOUGHT WE WERE.
IDON'TTHINKWESHOULDGOUP. 
IF THE IN THE GARDEN I THINK IT WOULD BE DOWN.
WHATEVER,LET'SJUSTGOUP.
THANK YOU.
DAD,LET'SGO .
HERE.UP HERE.TAIPEl.
1:00 P.M.
LET'S GO THERE COME ON.
BYE.
?
IGOTIT .
AIR JAPAN? 
I THINK THEY'LL BE A GOOD BET.
THISALLFEELSWRONG.
ITHINKWE 'REGOINGTHE RIGHTWAY. 
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE WORRYING SO MUCH.
IT DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT AN OBSERVATORY.
THISMAKESSENSETOME.
OK.
WE NEED TO GO TO taipei,TAIWAN AT 1:00 P.M.
PLEASE.
WE NEED TO GET A FAST FLIGHT AS FAST AS POSSIBLE FROM HERE TO TAIWAN.
EVA AIR...1:00 P.M.
OK.
ISTHISTHEFIRSTFLIGHTLEAVINGOSAKATOtaipei?
THIS IS THE EARLIEST FLIGHT.
WEHAVETO GETONTHIS FLIGHT.
WE'RE GOING TO CHECK THE AVAILABLE SERVICE.
AND IT'S JUST GOING TO BE ON MOMENT.
THANK YOU.
JUST A MOMENT, SIR, OK?
INEEDTHEQUICKESTFLIGHTTOtaipei .
THEFLIGHTIS 1: 35.
YEAH.PLEASE.
THATWILLDEFINITELYGET USINBEFORERACHEL ANDT.K.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
THIS PROBABLY CAN'T BE RIGHT.
WE CAN CRY ABOUT IT OR KEEP LOOKING.
I'M NOT CRYING.
YOUSEEANYTHINGUPHERE ?
NO.
WE DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO GET ON THIS 1:00 FLIGHT YET.
I'MGOINGTO SECURETHE SEATSONTHEPLANEFORMYDADAND I
AND TRY TO MAKE SURE NO ONE ELSE GETS ON THISITY FIRST FLIGHT WITH ME
YOU ARE CONFIRMED ON THE FLIGHT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
IT'S ALL ECONOMY?
YES.
IF TICKET IS FULL FARE.
WE CAN UPGRADE FOR FREE.
OH, THANK YOU.
IF THERE ARE THERE OTHER REQUESTS.
CAN YOU PLEASE TELL THEM IT'S FULL?
THANKS.
WE HAVE NO SEATS ANYMORE.
WHAT?
WHAT?
YOU CAN'T LISTEN TO THEM.
NO, YOU CAN'T LISTEN TO THEM.
DON'T LISTEN TO THEM.
ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING?
I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
SO TODAY WE ARE FULL.
SO WE ACCEPT THEM.
SO WE CANNOT ACCEPT ANYMORE.
SO IS THIS THE - WAIT A SECOND.
JEN.I WAS GOING TO ASK IF THERE ARE ANY OTHER FLIGHTS, MAYBE.
THEY'LL STILL CHECK.
THANK YOU FOR JUST LETTING ME GET ONE SENTENCE IN.
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS?
I WANTED TO ASK ONE QUESTION.?
BECAUSE I WAS TALKING.
?
OK?
THAT'S ALL?
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE BEING THIS MEAN TO ME ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING.
? 
THERE'S NO POINT AT ALL.
IT'SJUSTRIGHTTHERE.
HOW DID WE RUN RIGHT BY IT?
WE WERE FREAKING OUT, THAT'S WHY.
FLY TO THE CITY OF TAIPEl,TAIWAN.LET'S GO.
THANK GOD WE DIDN'T GO BACK DOWN.
YES.
ARETHEREOTHERAIRLINESYOUCANCHECK? 
WECANTRYCHINAAIR, 1:15 .
OH,1 :15?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
SO THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN GET US ON THIS FLIGHT?
NO, WE CANNOT.PLEASE GO TO THE CHINA AIRLINE.
WE NEED TO GO TO CHINA AIR.
WE HAVE TO GET ON THAT ONE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.
THE FREAKOUT FACTOR IS UNBELIEVABLE.
I'M JUST GETTING REALLY ANNOYED WITH RON AND CHRIS ALWAYS BE ONE STEP IN FRONT OF US.
HOPEFULLYTHEY'LLENDSOON.
MY DAD AND I GOT THE LAST TICKETS.
I DON'T FEEL GUILTY AT ALL.
MY DAD ISN'T AFRAID TO FIGHT DIRTY.
I'LL JUST PLAY IT.
IF WE CAN GET AN EDGE, I'LL TAKE IT FOR MY DAD AND I.
HE CAN JUST BE QUIET.
HE'LL PLAY ALONG.
I'LLJUSTPLAYBUM .
RIGHTNOW,WE GETONTHAT PLANE,GETTO TAIWAN AND
HOPEFULLY WE'LL BE GTING A DIRECT FLIGHT.
ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.
ONTHISFLIGHTTOTAIWAN,
IT'S JEN AND I AND ALSO NICOLAS AND DONALD.
STILL NO SIGN OF RACHEL AND T.K.
WE'REKEEPINGOURFINGERSCROSSED.
WE'RE KEEPING OUR FINGERS CROSSED
THEY GOT ON A MUCH,MUCH LATER FLIGHT.
TAXIOVERHERE.
DAD, OVER HERE.
TAIPEl MAIN STATION.
VERY FAST, PLEASE.
THEY PROBABLY GOT THE NEXT FLIGHT IN
AND THEY'RE RIGHT ON OUR TAIL.
LET'SGO.
LET'S GO.
CAN YOU RUN?
IDON'TKNOWWHEREWEGO .
WE SHOULD EXCHANGE MONEY NOW.
MMIGRATION.
WENEEDTO EXCHANGEOUR MONEY.
OH,MYGOD,THATIMMIGRATIONLINEISSOLONG. 
MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE GONE.
DUDE, CHILL OUT.
WE HAVE TIME.
ISPOTTEDNICOLASAND DONALD.
WHATTHE-
RACHEL AND T.K.ARE HERE.
WHAT?
THEY'RERIGHTTHERE.
WE'REAHEADOFTHEM.
AREYOUKIDDINGME? 
WHEN WE ARRIVED AND THEY WERE ALREADY IN LINE,
IT WAS GUT-WRENCHING.
I AM IN UTTER SHOCK THAT RACHEL AND T.K. ARE HERE RIGHT NOW.
IT'S A RACE NOW.
A TRUE RACE.
TIMETOSTARTSWEATING.
ICANNOTBELIEVETHATTHEY 'REHERE .
IT MAKES ME SICK.
JEN'SPRETTYMISSED
-PISSED.
THREETEAMSCAUGHTUPATTHEEXACTSAMESPOT.
ONE OF THEM IS GOING ELIMINATED SO IT'S ON.
THAT'STHEtaipeiTRAINSTATION.
LET'SGO.
HERE.HER. I SEE IT.
OK.
TRAVEL BY HIGH-SPEED RAIL.
TEAMS MUST NOW TRAVEL BY HIGH-SPEED RAIL TO THE CITY OF TAICHUNG
AND THEN TRAVEL TO THIS PLACE, ACROBATICS JEEP.
IT'S HERE THEY'LL FIND THEIR NEXT CLUE.
WE HAVE TO GO IN HERE.
COME ON.
TAXITHISWAY.
WHERE'STHETAXI?
OUT THOSE DOORS.
LET'SGO.
TAIPElMAINSTATION.
OK, VERY FAST.
GODTHATHATREDISINMY BLOOD RIGHT NOW.
JEN GETS MAD WHEN OTHER TEAMS CATCH UP, I UNDERSTAND,
BUT IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING SOMETHING PERSONALLY TO HER.
SORRY,GUYS,I'MNOT HAPPENTOSEEYOU.
I WANNA RIP THOSE DREADS OUT OF HIS HEAD.
TICKETS HERE.
WE WANT TO GO 
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
DO YOU HAVE A TIMETABLE?
Ð"Ð" OK, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
RIGHT IN HERE.
WE'RE MOVING.THAT'S GOOD.
THEY START ON TIME. 
IT'S LIKE GERMAN CLOCKWORK.
THEREITIS .
TRAVEL BY HIGH-SPEED RAIL.
LET'SGOGETTICKETS.
SHOULDWEJUSTGOTHROUGHHEREORWHAT ?
LET'S GO INSIDE AND 
- YEAH.
GETDOWN,GETDOWN.
IT'ST.K.ANDRACHEL.
DAMNIT.
WHERE'STHECLUE,MAN ?
THEREITIS .
TRAVEL BY HIGH-SPEED RAIL.
LET'SGETTICKETS.
ENGLISH.
YEAH.
IS THIS WHERE WE GET TICKETS FOR THE HIGH-SPEED RAIL?
THE MACHINE RIGHT THERE YOU CA JUST BUY IT.
IT'SFASTER.
WOULDYOUBE ABLETOSHOW US?
TRAVELBYHIGH-SPEEDRAIL.
OK.
LET'SGO .
JUST TO TAICHUNG?
YEAR. 
TO TAICHUNG.
OK.THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
ALLRIGHT.
?
GO RIGHT HERE.
?
THANKYOU.
IFTHETEAMDOESN'TMAKE THIS THEN -
GREATTHINGFORUS. 
THAT'S SOMETHING WE NEED.
AW,DAMNIT .
RIGHTBACKAT YOU.
TAXI, YEAH.
DO YOU KNOW WERE IT IS?
ÎÒÖªµÀÔÚÄÄ
OK ºÃ
WHAT'SINTHISLITTLECITY ,IHAVE NOIDEA? 
EXIT.
TAXI,TAXI,TAXI.
COME ON, DAD.
Nate. 
TO THE RIGHT.
RACHELTOTHELEFT.
TAXICITY.
right here.
DAMNIT,JEN.
TAXI.
taxi.
YOUKNOWTHISPLACE?
WE'RETHEFIRSTONESOUT. 
GOOD.
WE'REGOINGHERE.
OK, HERE WE GO.ONE, TWO, THREE.
COMEON,NATHAN.
I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THAT HAPPENED.
WE'REINLAST.
IS THIS IT?
THIS IS IT.
THERE'S THE CLUE.
ROAD BLOCK.
WHO'S READY TO GO FOR A TRICKY RIDE?
A ROAD BLOCK IS TASK THAT ONLY ONE PERSON MAY PERFORM
IN THIS ROAD BLOCK
THAT PERSON WILL BE TAKEN ON WHAT MIGHT BE THE WILDEST RIDE OF THEIR LIFE.
FIRST, THEY MUST BECOME A PASSENGER IN THIS CAR.
WHICH IS DRIVEN BY A PROFESSIONAL STUNT DRIVER
WHO WILL MANEUVER THE VEHICLE ONTO A GIANT TEETER TO THER
AND THEN ROCK BACK AND FORTH PRECARESLY 25 FEET ABOVE THE GROUND.
THEN, TEAM MEMBERS WILL SWITCH INTO THIS CAR,
DON A PAIR OF GOGGLES AND ?
THEN THEY'LL BE DRIVEN UNDERWATER FOR 17 SECONDS.
THEY MAY NOT LET GO OR EXIT THE CAR UNTIL IT COMES OUT.
IF THEY ARE STILL ALIVE WHEN IT'S OVER,
THEY'LL RECEIVE THEIR NEXT CLUE.
OK.
I'LL GO FOR A TRICKY RIDE.
AREYOUREADY?
oh,yeah.
LET'SGO,DADDY.
FEAROFFALLINGFROMTHAT TRUCK JUST FRIGHTENED THE DICKENS OUT OF ME.
DADDY,HAVEFUN.
YEAH, YEAH.
YOUGOTIT .
HE'SA LITTLENERVOUSRIGHTNOW. 
HE DOESN'T LIKE HEIGHTS.
OH,MYGOSH.
HE'S PEEING IN HIS PANTS RIGHT NOW.
SO,ASOF RIGHTNOW WE'REINSECOND.
WEJUSTHAVETOKEEP BUSTINGASS.
I'MPRETTYDISAPPOINTING THAT T.K. AND RACHEL HAVE MADE UP ALL THIS TIME.
WE REALLY WANT TO SHAVE HIS BEARD OFF.
? 
DO YOU KNO THIS?
YEAH?
I CAN'T HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW.
GOODJOB,DAD.
OH, THAT WAS FRIGHTENING.
THAT'SAWESOME.
YOU GOT THIS, DADDY.
DADDY, HAVE FUN, OK?
DON'T FORGET TO HOLD YOUR BREATH.
NOT YET.
BE CAREFUL.
COME ON, FASTER, FASTER, SHOOT.
FASTER, FASTER, FASTER.
YEAH, DADDY.
GOOD JOB.
YOU DID IT.
NOW I'M REFRESHED.
YOU'REAWESOME.
MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE TEA HOUSE
TEAMS MUST NOW TRAVEL BACK TO taipei.
WHEN THEY ARRIVE THEY'LL MAKE THEIR WAY TO THIS TEA HOUSE.
ONCE HERE THEY'LL ORDER AND DRINK A CUP OF TEA.
ONLY BY DRINKING THE ENTIRE CUP OF TEA
WILL THEIR NEXT CLUE BE REVEALED.
Taichung Station?
Can we make the 7:16 7:36 PM train?
Probably not.but we can make the next train.
THE 7:36 FOR SURE.
ISTHISIT RIGHTHERE?
THERE'STHECLUEBOX .
WHO'SREADYTO GO FORATRICKYRIDE? 
ME. 
FIRST COME FIRST SERVE.
ALL RIGHT.
go baby.HAVE FUN.
THIS?
GET OUT, GET THE BAGS.
GO,JENNY,GETOUT .
WEGOTTAGO .
COME ON.
WHO'S READY TO GO FOR A TRICKY RIDE?
IAM.
YOUCANDO THAT,RIGHT?
I THINK SO.
FIRSTCOME,FIRSTSERVE.
THEY'RE FIRST.
NICE.
OK.
HOLD ON.
HOLD THAT BREATH.
HOLYSHNIKES.
MY GOSH.
THISISTHESICKESTTHINGEVER. 
I WISH I WAS DOING IT, DAMN IT.
CAREFUL, OH, MY GOSH.
THAT IS FRICKEN INSANE.
THATISAWESOME.
OH,MYGOD.
SPEED BUMP.
HAVINGBEENSPAREDELIMINATIONATTHELASTOF THELEG, 
T.K. AND RACHEL HAVE NOW HIT A SPEED BUMP.
A TASK THEY MUST ONLY COMPLETE.
in this SPEED BUMP.
THEY MUST MAKE THEIR WAY JUST OVER ONE MILE.to...?
HERE THEY'LL TAKE PART IN ATRADITIONAL CHINESE RITUAL
PERFORMED ANNUALLY DURING THE LAND ALTERNATIVE FESTIVAL.
FIRST THEY MUST PUT ON SAFETY SUITS AND MAKE A HARROWING DASH
THROUGH A GAUNTLET OF FIREWORKS WHICH ARE BEING AIMED RIGHT AT THEM.
THEN, AT THIS LOCAL CUSTOM,
THEY MUST BE DOUSED WITH WATER.
WHEN THE RITUAL WILL BE FINISHED,
THEY CAN CONTINUE ON THE RACE WITH THE HOPE OF MAKE UP THIS VALUABLE LOST TIME.
ALL RIGHT.LET'S GO.
HE-PING?
yes.
alright.
?
REALLY GLAD WE GOT TO THE ROAD BLOCK FIRST.
THESE LITTLE MINUTES ARE IMPORTANT FOR US.
WE'REGOINGTO GETTHEREQUICKLY
AND FIND OUT WHAT SORT OF CRAZY THING WE GET TO GET OURSELVES INTO.
HAVEFUN.
HOLD YOUR BREATH.
HOPETHEBRAKESWORKONTHISTHING. 
THISISCRAZY.
OH,MYGOSH.
thank you.
? 
BACK INTO DAY PIE.
YOU are SO LUCKY.
GETMEOUTOFTHERE.
TAKEDEEPBREATHS.
DEEP BREATHS RIGHT NOW.
DEEP BREATHS.
?
YOU GOT IT.
COME ON, DOD.
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
GOOD JOB, GOOD JOB.
THANKYOU.
TRAVELBYHIGH-SPEEDRAILBACK INTO TAIPEl.
LET'S GO.
TICKETS,TICKETS.
OVER HERE.
TWO FOR TAIPEl CENTRAL STATION,PLEASE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
COME ON.
AWESOME.
GOOD JOB, DADDY.
LET'SGO,BABY.
DO YOU THINK THE FIREWORKS ARE GOING TO GO OFF ON US OR AROUND US.
AREYOUREADY?
YEAH.
RUNYOURASSOFF ,BABY.
ITWASNUTS,MAN .
ALL THESE FIRE CRACKERS JUST EXPLODED INWARD ON US.
I FELT LIKE I WAS RUNNING THROUGH A WAR ZONE OR SOMETHING.
THERAILWAYSTATIONISINSIGHT .
WE KNOW NIC AND DON ARE JUST A FEW MINUTES BEHIND US
AND T.K. AND RACHEL HAD TO DO THEIR SPEED BUMP.
WE'RE HOPING WE CAN GET ON A TRAIN BEFORE ANY OF THEM.
YOU'VE GONE OVER YOUR SPEED BUMP.
NOW ?
RETRIEVE YOUR NEXT CLUE.
LET'SDOIT .
THATWASBITCHEN.
IF WE GET ELIMINATED AT LEAST WE WENT OUT WITH A BANG, HUH?
? 
7:36.
CAN WE PLEASE GET ON 7:36?
WE CAN MAKE IT.
OH, MY GOSH.
COMEON,NICOLAS.
ALRIGHT.LOOK FOR THE CUNTER.
THE EARLIEST IS 8:00 PM
THAT'S THE EARLIEST?
YES.TIME IS 7:31 PM.WE CAN'T GET OUR TICKETS.
I AM BEGGING YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
IT'STHEMACHINE.
THE SYSTEM CAN'T SELL THEM.
THERE'SNICANDDON .
TWOTICKETSTO taipei.
DEPATTURE TIME WILL BE 8:00 PM.
I CAN'T RUN TO THE ONE AT 7:36?
IT'S TOO LATE.
OK.
THEY'REALLGONE.
WE NEED TO GO.
THANKYOU.
TRAVEL BY HIGH-SPEED RAIL BACK INTO TAIPEl.
WE GOT TO GO.
THEYCAN'TBE MUCHMORE THAN 10, 15 MINUTES IN FRONT OF US.
IT'S GETTING DOWN TO THE WIRE,MAN.
THIS IS FUN.
PRAYING THEY DON'T GET ON THIS TRAIN.
IT'S ALL COMING DOWN TO THIS TRAIN.
IF WE MAKE THIS TRAIN WE HAVE A SHOT.
IF WE DON'T, WE MAY BE COMPLETELY OUT OF THE RACE.
I'M PRAYING THEY DON'T GET ON THIS TRAIN.
IT WOULD BE SO SWEET IF WE GET ON THE SAME TRAIN.
THAHK YOU.
COME ON, BABE.
LET'S GET TICKETS ON THE MACHINE.
MUCH FASTER WAY TO DO THIS.
ENGLISH.
TAIPEl.
PUMP THEM OUT, BABY.
COMEON,JEN.
COMEON,BABE,LET 'SGO, LET'SGO. 
RIGHTHERE.
WAIT, DO I SEE -
NICANDDON.
YOUGOTTO BE KIDDINGME. 
THAT'STHETEAM,BABY.
ISAWNICOLAS'BIG HEADCOMINGAROUNDTHECORNER. 
THAT IS THE MOST FIRED UP I'VE BEEN ON THIS RACE.
WE STILL IN IT.WE STILL HAVE A CHASE 
-CHANCE.
THERE'ST.K.ANDRACHEL.
YEAH.THEY WERE JUST WHOOIGN ME.
SO,NO SIGN OF T.K. AND RACHEL?
NO.
DIDYOUSEET.K.ANDRACHEL?
NO,THEY'REHERE?
OH, MY GOSH.
THEY ALREADY DID THERE SPEED BUMP.
STITDOWN.
ICAN'THANDLETHISANYMORE.
FANTASTIC.
OUTHERE.
ORDERA CUPOF TEAAND THISGUYKNOWS WHERE ITIS. 
ALLOFOURHARDWORK ISSTILL PAYINGOFF.
WEWEREABLETODOTHE ROAD BLOCK AND DO THE SPEED BUMP
AND STILL GET ON THE SAME TRAIN AS EVERYBODY ELSE.
IT'S SO AWESOME.
IDON'TUNDERSTANDWHY WE'REWORKINGSOHARD.
T.K. AND RACHEL JUST SLACK OFF AND THEY'VE CAUGHT UP TO US.
IT'S STUPID.
FINALLYGOTTO SAYHELLO.
BLOW THEM A COUPLE OF KISSES?
LET'SGOSAYHELLOTOOURCOMPETITION.
WHAT'SUP,GUYS?
NATEANDJENARE MISSEDOFF. 
WE WORKED SO HARD AND THEY'RE PRANCING AROUND NOT TRYING THEIR HARDEST.
IT'SFRUSTRATINGFORNATEANDI 
BECAUSE WE'RE SWEATING AND RUNNING OUR ASSES OFF
AND THEY'RE SO MELLOW AND LOW-KEY.
IT'S ALL GOOD.
WE'RE JUST GOING TO WALK UP HERE AND WIN THE RACE.
I THINK BECAUSE RACHEL AND T.K. RACHEL AND I DON'T FIGHT,
? 
PEOPLE THINK WE'RE NOT CARING.
YOUWEREGOINGTOGETELIMINATED.
SO ARE WE.WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT.
EXCEPTRONALDANDCHRISTINA.
? 
THE ON THE LEFT-HAND SIDE.
IT'S A GREEN SIGN?
HI.
WEWANTTO ORDERAND DRINKACUP OFTEA .
YOU MUST DRINK ALL OF YOUR TEA TO REVEAL YOUR CLUE
AND YOU MAY TAKE IT WITH YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANKYOU.
IT'S REALLY HOT.
JUST BLOW ON IT.
THIS IS THE MOST INTENSE PART OF THE ENTIRE RACE RIGHT NOW.
LET'SGO.
OVERHERE.
CANYOURUN?
YEAH.
LET'S GO THIS WAY.
TEAHOUSE.
YES, LET'S GO.
YEAH,COMEON .
HEEXITEDAWAYFROMTHEOTHER TWOTEAMS. 
HOPEFULLY THAT'S GOING TO WORK TO OUR BENEFIT.
IT'ST.K.ANDRACHEL.
DAMNIT.
NO,NO,DON'TTALKTOTHEM. 
DON'T TALK TO THEM.
WE'RENOTTELLINGTHEMANYTHING.
NO,NO,NO .
FAST, FAST.
SEEIFOURTAXIDRIVERSTEPS UPHERE.
UHH.MAKES IT FUN.
THREE TEAMS LEFT.ONE'S GETTING ELIMINATED.
ANDIT'SMY BIRTHDAY.
SO WE WANT THIS SO BAD.
WE DON'T WANT TO GO OUT ON JENNY'S BIRTHDAY.
THISISWHEREWEGO.
×ßµ½¹"¹Ý...
TEAMSMUSTNOWFIGUREOUTTHATTHECLUE,
WHICH IS PAINTED ON CHINESE IS SENDING THEM TO THIS NIGHT MARKET
WHERE THEY'LL FIND THIS CLOWN WHO WILL HAND THEM THEIR NEXT CLUE.
WALKTOTHEGOLDEN,FIND APERSON.
EXCUSE US.
WHAT DOES THAT SHOW?
?
?
OH, CLOUD.
CLOUD.
WE HAVE TO FIND A CLOWN IN THE NIGHT MARKET.
?
OVER THERE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
LET'S GO, LET'S GO.
WE'REHEADEDTO THETEA PLACE.
YOU SEEMED TO KNOW WHERE IT WAS.
PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE.
HEADINGTOAG.K.TEAHOUSE .
FAST AS POSSIBLE THIS WAY?
WE'RE TRUSTING HIM.
THISISAFREAKINGNAIL-BITER.
THISISTHENIGHTMARKET.
OK.
THATMIGHTBE HIMTHERE.
HI.
DO YOU HAVE A CLUE FOR US?
YES HE?
THANK YOU.
DETOUR,FIREOR EARTH.
in this detour,
TEAMS HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN TWO TASKS ROUTED IN THE PRIMAL FORCES OF NATURE.
the choose,FIRE OR EARTH?
IN FIRE, TEAMS MAKE THEIR WAY TO A PARK,
FIND THIS MARKED FIELD AND PARTICIPATE IN A MYSTICAL CHINESE RITUAL.
FIRST, THEY MUST WRITE MESSAGES OF LUCK, GOOD OR BAD, ON LAND ALTERNATIVES.
THEY MUST BURN MONEY UNDER THE LAND ALTERNATIVES, FILLING THEM WITH HOT AIR
THAT WILL LIFT LAND ALTERNATIVES INTO THE SKY.?
ONCE A TEAM HAS SENT 20 SKY LANT EARNS INTO THE AIR,
THEY'LL RECEIVE THEIR NEXT CLUE.
IN EARTH TEAMS MAKE THEIR WAY TO THIS YOUTH PARK,
FIND THIS MARKED AREA AND PARTICIPATE IN THE LOCAL CUSTOM USED TO ALLEGEDLY REDUCE STRET.
WITH THEIR BARE FEET, TEAM MEMBERS MUST WALK DOWN
A 220-FOOT PATH MADE OF JAG ED STONES.
THEN, THEY MUST TURN AROUND AND WALK BACK.
WHEN BOTH TEAM MEMBERS ARE FINISHED,
THEY'LL RECEIVE THEIR NEXT CLUE.
EARTHISGOINGTOHURT.BUT...
BUTI THINKTHATWOULDBEFASTER.
MYDADANDIAREGOING TODOEARTH.OK.LET'SGO.
TAXI.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUTH PARK IS?
HE KNOWS WHERE IT IS.
LET'S GO.
DRINK IT AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
PLEASEFINDTHISTEA HOUSE,DUDE.
KINDOFLOOKSLIKEHE'S JUST TRYINGTOSPOTIT .
DOYOUKNOWWHEREITIS ?
YES.
YES? 
OK, GO, GO, GO.
THEY'REPASSINGUS RIGHTNOW .
THERE'SNICANDDON .
WEHAVETO GO THATWAY .
THEY'RE TOTALLY YELLING.
OH,MY GOD.I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
WE'RE TAKING THE CUPS.
LET'S GO.
THISISIT .
OVERHERE.
OK.THANK YOU.
GO.GO.GO.
SOME TEA, YES, PLEASE.
DOYOUSPEAKENGLISH?
YEAH.
WHAT DOES IT SAY?
IT'SA NIGHTMARKET.
YOU SEARCH A HAPPY CLOWN.
LET'S GO.
LET'S GO.
ITSAYSWE CANTAKEITWITHUS.
I CAN'T PUT THIS IN MY MOUTH.
I'LL BURN MYSELF.
WELL,WHATEVER,LET'SGOTHEN .
OVER THERE. 
GET OUT.
OK.Nate. STOP, STOP.
COMEON,COMEON, COMEON.
THEY'REALREADYDONEDRINKINGTHETEA.
come on.
MAN, I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO TASTE ANYTHING.
HELLO.
THANK YOU.
DOYOUSPEAKENGLISH?
yes.
DO YOU KNOW THIS PLACE?
OVER HERE.
THANKYOU.
EXCUSEUS.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WHERE IS THAT?
Gong Guan Market.
DO YOU WANT TO WALK US THERE? 
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THESESTONESAREGOINGTOHURTA LOT
BUT THE JUST MIND OVER MATTER.
it's over here.
go.
THERE'SA LANTERN.?
YOUGOFIRST.
THEA MASSAGE.
THIS IS NOT THAT BAD.
WHYDON'TYOUGOFIRST?
OK,I 'LLLEAD.
I THINK MY CALLUSED FEET OVER THOSE STONES REALLY HELPED A LOT.
MY FEET FELT LIKE THEY WERE GETTING EATEN BYPY RANAS.
IT HURTS SO MUCH.
PRESSUREON,PRESSUREOFF .
I'LL TURN AROUND.
TAKE A MASSAGE.
I'MTRYING.
ok.
DON,STAYWITHME. 
yeah?
WE'RE LOOKING FOR A CLOWN.
IT SAYS YOU HAVE TO FIND A CLOWN.
CANYOUTAKEME? 
ITSAYSYOU'LLFINDSOMETHING?
CLOWN.
DOYOUKNOWWHEREWECAN- NO, WAIT, LIKE 
- NO.
NO ANIMAL.
RED NOSE, PAINT.
ACLOWN.
ACLOWN.
OH,THANKYOU.
Ð"Ð" Ð"Ð"
THAT HURT SO MUCH.
MAKE YOUR NEXT PIT STOP ?
TEAMSMUSTNOWTRAVELBYTAXITOTHIS PLACE.
?
THIS MONUMENT TO THE LATE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF CHINA
IS THE PIT STOP FOR THIS LEG OF THE RACE.
THE LAST TEAM TO CHECK IN HERE
WILL BE ELIMINATED.
TAXI?
THISISFANTASTIC.
I KNOW WE ARE ONE.
WE'RE ACTUALLY TWO.
IT WAS A FREUDIAN SLIP BECAUSE WE ARE ONE NOW.
WE STARTED OUT AS TWO VERY INDEPENDENT PEOPLE WHO WANTED TO LEAD.
WE FINALLY MERGED INTO ONE TEAM.
IT'S WORKING WELL FOR US.
IKNOWWE ARENUMBERONE. 
THEREHEIS RIGHTTHERE.
ARE YOU THE HAPPY GUY?
GIVE US CLUE.
THANKYOU.
FIRE OR EARTH?
THAT'S US.
EARTH? 
OK.
LET'SDOIT .
GET A TAXI NOW.
DON'T LET THEM SEE WHERE WE'RE COMING OUT OF.
BIGGUY?
HELLO.
DO YOU HAVE A CLUE?
THANKYOU.
IHAVESTRONGFEET.
ME, TOO.
? 
WE NEED TO FIND THE YOUTH PARK.
LET'SGOOUTTHERETOLOOKFORATAXI.
WEHAVEN'TGONEUPTHIS WAYYET,HAVEWE ?
NOTTHISSTREET.
THAT'S HIM.
YES.
WEFOUNDYOU.
WE'RE GOING TO DO EARTH.
I'MLOOKINGFORYOUTHPARK .
YOUTHPARK.
THERE'SA TAXI.
DOYOUKNOWWHERETHEYOUTH PARKIS?
CANYOUGETACABTHERE ?
NO,YOUHAVETOTAKE THE...
SUBWAY ?
WOULDYOUTELLTHE TAXICABDRIVERTHAT?
OF COURSE.
THANK YOU.
OH,THETRAFFICISBAD, SOTAKETHESUBWAY. 
DO YOU KNOW?
YES ,HE KNOWS.
THANKYOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
BYE.
BYE.
YOU KNOW?
YES?
OK.
WE CAN'T ASK A CAB TO GO TO THE YOUTH PARK?
NO, TRAFFIC IS BAD.IT WILL TAKE TOO LONG.
FAST, PLEASE.
YES.
WENEEDTO GO TO YOUTHPARK.
GOTOXIMENSTATION.
OK.
AND THEN YOU TAKE BUS
COME ON OK
ASKIFACAB WOULDBEFASTER?
LET'S JUST GO, NATE.
I THINK WE'RE DOING A PRETTY GOOD JOB RIGHT NOW.
WE GOT THROUGH ALL THAT STUFF PRETTY QUICK.
OH, MY GOD.
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
THISISINTENSE.
YEAH, IT IS.
XIMEN STATION.
E GOT TO RUN.
YES.
WE GOT TO RUN.
THERE'S THE BUSES.
ACABWOULDBEFASTERTHANA BUS. 
YOU'RESURE?
THEN LET'S TAKE A CAB.
NEVERMIND.
WAIT, WAIT.
HONESTLY,I CAN'TDEALWITHTHIS .
YOU NEED TO STEP UP AND MAKE THE DECISIONS BECAUSE I CAN'T ANYMORE.
INEEDTO STEPUPANDMAKETHEDECISIONS?
I DON'T ANY DECISIONS.
I'M SAYING YOU NEED TO MAKE THE DECISIONS RIGHT NOW.
PLEASE.
YOU'RE THE MAN.
HONESTLY, JEN, I CAN'T STAND YOU.
WHAT DO WE DO?
ALL YOU DO IS FREAK OUT.
I'MNOTFREAKINGOUT .
YOU'REA TRIP.
HELP ME.
HELPYOU?
YOUGOT USINTHISMESS.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID SUBWAY, SUBWAY, SUBWAY.
YOU'RETHEONEWHO SAIDSUBWAY,SUBWAY,SUBWAY .
OH,I SAIDTHAT.
YEAH.
THERE'S THE BUS.
YOUTHPARK.YES.
IJUSTCAN'TBELIEVEYOU. 
YOUCAN'TBELIEVEME? 
WHATIDIDN 'TDOANYTHING.
YOU'RESUCHAPOORTEAMMATE.
THANKSA LOTFORRUININGMYFREAKENBIRTHDAY.
I ASKED YOU TO NOT FIGHT WITH ME.
YOUMAKEIT IMPOSSIBLENOT TO. 
THEREITIS.ONTHE RIGHT.
PHIL.WHERE ARE YOU?
I THINK I SEE IT.
I THINK I SEE IT.RIGHT THERE.
YOU SEE IT?
YEAH.
COME ON, JUST FOLLOW ME.
DADDY, I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
WELCOMETOtaipei,TAIWAN.
THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
RON AND CHRIS, YES.
YOU'RE TEAM NUMBER ONE.
YES! 
WOW!
CONGRATULATIONS, GUYS.
YOU ARE ONE OF THE THREE TEAMS WHO WILL BE RACING IN THE FINAL LEG FOR $1 MILLION.
AWESOME.
I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU GUYS.
YES.
AS THE WINNERS,
YOU HAVE WON A FIVE-NIGHT TRIP FOR TWO FROM TRAVELOCITY,
YOU'RE GOING TO BE GOING TO THE VIBRANT,MULTICULTURAL ISLAND OF KIRISO.?
YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SPA-LOVE SUIT AT THE ULTRALUXURIOUS HOTEL YULANDA
AND WHILE YOU'RE THERE, YOU'LL GET TO HAVE A STONE MASSAGE AND SUPERB SNORKELING TRIPS.
THANK YOU.
AWESOME.
SO YOU'RE GOING TO ENJOY THAT AT THE END OF THE RACE
AND YOU GUYS ARE LOOKING THE HAPPENIEST THAT I'VE SEEN YOU ON THE RACE.
I'VEJUSTBEENVERY,VERY  BLESSED TO HAVE MY DAUGHTER HERE
TO TEACH ME THE ROPES ABOUT HOW TO BECOME A BTER PERSON.
THEFACTTHATHE'SCHANGED,
I'VE NEVER BEEN SO PROUD TO BE HIS DAUGHTER.
YOUTHPARK.
THISISYOUTHPARK.
THERE'SPEOPLERUNNINGOVERTHERE.
NICANDDON.
DAMIN IT.
TAKEYOURSHOESOFF ,BABE.
I'MCOMING.
THISISPERFECTMOTIVATION.
BABY.THE SECRET...
THE FASTER YOU GO, THE LESS IT HURTS.
OH,BABY.
OH,JEEZ,HE 'SRUNNINGIT. 
THISISYOUTHPARK?
THERE'SNOTHING.
IT'SSOMEWHERE,JENNY.
ALLRIGHT.?
DOWNTHERE.
ITHURTS.
MAKEYOURWAYTOTHENEXTPLACE. 
THE LAST TEAM..
WEHAVEN'TSEENNATEANDJEN.
READY?
LET'SHITIT .
THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE WE'RE AHEAD OF NATE AND JEN RIGHT NOW.
TAXI.
LOOK AT THAT.
SON OF A BITCH.
THERE'STHEGONGRIGHTTHERE.
OK,OK,GOOD.
WE NEED TO STAY POSITIVE RIGHT NOW.
HOLLE.
IT'S EASY.
?
MEMORIAL HALL.
NO.
WE NEED SOMEONE WHO SPEAKS ENGLISH.
LET'SRUNTO THATCORNER.
?
COMEON,NATE,YOU CAN DOIT.
JUST DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.BE LIGHT ON YOUR TOES.
OH, MY GOSH.
EXCUSEME.
DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?
NO.
THERE'STAXIOVERTHERE.
ALLTHEWAYBACK?
YOUCANDO IT ,JUSTBELIGHTONYOURTOES.
DON'T THINK ABOUT THE PAIN.THINK ABOUT WINNING.
I KNOW.
MEMORIALHALLPLAZA.
THANKYOU.
THANK YOU.
DO YOU KNOW?
DO YOU KNOW THE MEMORIAL HALL PLAZA?
NO.
IREALLYDON'TWANTTO SEE NICOLAS AND DON BELIEVE
BECAUSE THEY'VE DONE SO GREAT
BUT IT'S A COMPETITION SO WE NEED TO GET THERE.
KEEPHAILINGTAXIS.
COME ON, NATE, COME ON.
THANK YOU.
OH, MY GOSH.
HURRY, THE LAST CHECK.
DOYOUKNOW?
OK, LET'S GO.
THANK YOU.
?
OK.
YES?
WE'REPRAYINGRIGHTNOW THATWE'RENOTLAST.
COMEON,COMEON, PLEASEBEGOING TOTHE RIGHTPLACE.
WE'RECRAWLINGTO THEPIT STOPRIGHTNOW.
WEGOTTHEREAND GOT THATDONE ITWASN'TTOOLONG.
IDON'TWANTTOGETELIMINATED.
SEE ANYTHING, BABE? 
YEAH.
DOYOUSEEIT? 
YES.
THANKYOU.
COME ON, BABE.
GO.BABY.
ALL THE WAY.
WEDIDIT .
WE DID IT, BABE.
LET'SHEARIT .
T.K. AND RACHEL,
YOU'RE TEAM NUMBER TWO.
WOW!
CONGRATULATIONS, GUYS.
YOU ARE ONE OF THE THREE TEAMS WHO WILL BE RACING FOR THE $1 MILLION
AND HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
PERFECT.
AMAZING.
ANYBODYWHOSAYSWEDIDN 'T TRY OR WE GOT LUCKY OR WHATEVER,
WE'VE BEEN TRYING OUR VERY HARDEST ALL DAY.
RED LIGHTS ARE KILLING ME.
NATHANANDJENARE OUR BIG HOPERIGHTNOW.
THEONLYHOPE.
OH,MYGOSH.
THIS MIGHT BE IT UP HERE.
IS THAT IT?
YES.
OH,MYGOSH.
HE'S SAYING IT'S RIGHT HERE.
ISTHATTHEFRONT?
THAT MIGHT BE THE FRONT.
HE'STAKINGUS TO THEENTRANCE,ITHINK .
RIGHTHERE?
RIGHT HERE?
NIC AND DON,
YOU ARE TEAM NUMBER THREE.
YES.
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU ARE ONE OF THE THREE TEAMS WHO WILL BE RACING IN THE FINAL LEG FOR THE $1 MILLION PRIZE.
WESTARTEDOUTONTHEIDEA, 
GEE, LET'S NOT BE THE FIRST TEAM ELIMINATED
BECAUSE OUR FAMILY IS GOING TO WATCH US AND WE'RE GOING TO LOOK LIKE A COUPLE OF SHMUCKS.
GETTING TO THE FINAL THREE WAS MY GOAL.
ACCOMPLISHED.
ACCOMPLISHED, YES.
OH,MYGOD.
THIS COULD BE IT.
WELCOMETOtaipei,TAIWAN.
THANK YOU.
OH, MY GOSH.
NATE AND JEN,
YOU'RE THE LAST TEAM TO ARRIVE.
OH,FUDGE.
IKNEWIT .
I'M SORRY TO TELL YOU HAVE BOTH BEEN ELIMINATED FROM THE RACE.
WOW,THATSUX.
SUXBIGTIME.
WEDIDTHEBESTWECOULD  AND WE FOUGHT A LOT AND IT WAS TOUGH ON US.
WE DEFINITELY WANTED TO WIN MORE THAN ANYTHING.BUT...
NATEANDIHAVELEARNEDALOTABOUTEACHOTHER
AND ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP AND IT'S BEEN A REALLY BIG GROWING EXPERIENCE FOR US.
I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT NATE AND I ARE GOING TO DO.
WE HAVE TO SEE WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS FOR US.
I THINK THAT WE KILLED OUR RELATIONSHIP ON THE WAY.
WE WEREN'T STRONG ENOUGH TO FINISH THE RACE.
WE JUST FRICKEN KILLED OURSELVES DURING IT, NATE.
IKNOW,JEN.
ANDWEDIDN'TEVENFOCUSONOUR RELATIONSHIP.
ALL WE CARED ABOUT WAS THE RACE.
DARNIT.
NEXT WEEK ON THE SEASON FINALE OF "THE AMAZING RACE,"
AFTER NEARLY 30,000 MILES IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS.
WHILET.K.ANDRACHELAREFEELINGPIMPLINGEDATTHEDETOUR.
ITHINKINEEDTOSTOP. 
DONCOMESDOWNONNICOLASOVERA MIXUP. 
YOUREADTHECLUEBUTYOUDIDN'T UNDERSTANDITSOWE'RETHROUGH.
CAN'T DO THAT NOW WHEN $1 MILLION IS ON THE LINE.
ANDRONWATCHESHIS DAUGHTERHANG ONFORDEARLIFE.
COMEON,CHRIS,YOU CAN DOIT.
I'MTRYING.
IT'STHESEASONFINALEYOUWON'T WANTTOMISS .
THESTRESSIS ON .
OH,MYGOD.
?
DON.
WHO...
NICE JOB.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.CAN WE GO THERE FAST?

# Oh, darlin' #
# I love you in the mornin' #
# I love you in the afternoon... #
Chuck, you know I love you.
Of course, Betty.
I love you too.
And I know I've made you wait a long time.
Yeah. 
A long time.
Well, tonight, that all ends.
What do you mean?
Chuck... tonight is the night I'm going to give myself to you.
I'm ready to take things to the next level.
Are you sure?
We're gonna do it?
All right.
# Whoa, darlin' #
# Whatever I have to do #
# Oh, pretty baby #
# How I'm in love with you #
That was awesome.
Yeah.
But... now that my virginity is behind us,
I think I'm ready to take things to the next level.
What do you mean?
I thought we just did.
Come on, Chuck, don't be coy.
You know what I mean.
Anal.
Seriously?
Yeah. 
I love you, Chuck, and I know you love me.
And that's why I want you to stick it in my ass.
# Giddy up, horsey #
# Come on, let go #
Yeah...
# Who's riding your pony? 
#
# Horny pony #
Oh, yeah.
# They've seldom seen of your contemptuous greed #
Wow.
I know.
That fucking ruled!
But...
But what?
Well... it's just now that the ass sex is in the bag...
I think we're ready to take things to the next level.
What other level is there?
Get an extension cord.
Next level!
Who are they?
!
Next level!
Ohh!
Next level!
Next level!
No more levels!
I'll be right back.
Maybe I rushed things.
# Sex me up and I'll sex you down #
# Whatever you want is my command #
# I'm into S and M, I lead the butcher farm #
# And now don't you understand, I'm into any ma'am #
# Sex me up and I'll sex you down #
# I get on the floor, I'll turn around #
# Get on my hands and knees, on your command I'll freeze #
# I hope this never cease, come get me, won't you please #
# But she won't hold me and she won't squeeze me #
# From what she told me, she'd never please me #
# But she won't hold me and she won't squeeze me #
# From what she told me, she'd only tease me #
# She said #
# I said #
# Sex me up and I'll sex you down #
# Sex me up and I'll sex you down #
# Sex me up and I'll sex you down #
Remember, students, it's Sexual Awareness Month.
Gentlemen, pick up your free condoms in the gym,
- and ladies, lubricant is available...
- I got laid last night.
- Same chick as the night before?
- Are you crazy?
I can't have the same chick comin' around two nights in a row.
That's bordering on a relationship.
I like to play the field.
See, this is exactly what I don't understand. 
How does he do it?
He just goes out and gets it done, man, that's how he does it.
You can't sit around and wait for Santa to bring you some ass under the tree.
Dude, how psyched are you for first period?
- Mr. Matthews' sex-ed class.
- Man, that dude's a total freak.
I can't wait to go in there and talk about all the ass we've slammed.
It's gonna be awesome, bro.
No doubt, bro.
I can't take this class.
Why not?
Why not? 
Did you not just hear that conversation?
- "How much ass we've slammed"?
- Yeah, bro.
Exactly. 
The class is just gonna be with a bunch of pervs who are open about their sex lives, and frankly, I don't have one.
That's sad. 
You're not bad-lookin'.
And your legs work.
I'm not gonna have sex with just anybody,
I know that's what you are thinking right now.
Sorry, not gonna happen.
Doesn't have to be just anybody.
Look. 
Look, look.
How about you start off with a nice little virgin like Betty?
Hey, Betty.
Okay, everyone, bring it on in, we got a lot to do, and little time to cover it.
I can feel the sexuality brewin' in here already.
- Oh, no. 
Stacy's in this class?
- What do you mean, "Oh, no"?
You've been trying to tap that since fifth grade.
This is an opportunity.
You're in a class with her.
Go talk to her!
- What would I say?
- Listen, all a girl wants is for you to be yourself.
So do that... be yourself.
Or just shake your dick at her.
You know, whatever feels right.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Hey, Stacy.
Looks like we're gonna be having sex together.
What?
!
Ed. 
S... class.
Sex-ed class together.
I'm sorry, I just... y'know.
Whoo!
Bye.
Yeah... talk to ya later.
My name is Mr. Matthews.
First off, there's no teachers in here... just a bunch of people exploring their sexuality.
Right? 
So once you enter through that door, you're comin' through a No Bullshit zone.
That's right... 
I said "bullshit."
Huh? 
We're keepin' it real in here, people.
Fart, fuck, shit, cock, ass, cunty cunt!
All rightie.
Now, listen up. 
Teen sexuality is a living, breathing thing, and we're gonna explore that concept from every different angle we can get our greasy little hands on.
And you're gonna share.
I'm gonna share right now.
Hell, I've had sex with koi fish.
There, I've said it.
Sometimes you find me naked down at the bottom of a fun-ball pool at your local fast food restaurant.
True story.
Okay, let's do a little role-playing exercise in here.
I want each and every one of you to decide that you're gonna have sex with someone for the very first time.
Okay, partner up, people!
Stacy needs a partner.
Seize the day, bro.
Hell, screw the day.
Seize the booty.
That's a good union there.
I like that. 
I saw that when I came in.
- Mr. Matthews?
- Yes.
I don't think there's any girls left.
Mike, human sexuality isn't always between man and woman.
Stand up, Doug.
Class, I'd like to introduce you to our first gay couple...
Mike and Doug.
Now, just because they'll be experimenting with man-on-man lovemaking and assorted homobuggery, don't treat 'em any differently.
Mike, I think you're gonna be on bottom.
Okay.
I'll be the stay-at-home-dad.
What?
Mark.
So, Matt, what advice do you have for young people about sex?
Advice. 
Uh... guys, be responsible.
You know, always wear a rubber.
Of course, it feels way better to do it without one.
Unless, of course, it's a Vietnamese hooker, and then I think you just take your chances.
As long as there's a naked chick somewhere in the room, you are not gay.
If you have an STD, do not tell your partner.
It is a lose-lose situation.
Fellas, be nice to your partner.
In the morning, if she needs a ride home, point her to the nearest bus stop before you go back to sleep.
Be a good guy.
Today one out of three young adults has a sexually transmitted disease.
And letting a former hook-up know that you've got genital cooties can be pretty hard.
Now there's an easier way!
At STD-E-CARDS, you can share the bad news with one click.
Pick from such messages as,
"You gave me your heart, I gave you gonorrhea,"
or"Thanks for the blowjob...
sorry about the herpes."
It's from Kevin!
That hot guy that you hooked up with this weekend?
- Yeah.
- What's it say?
"Roses are red, violets are blue,
I gave you syphilis when we screwed at the zoo."
That was easy.
STD-E-CARDS, where bad news travels fast!
Attention, students, prom is fast approaching.
Get your free STD screening in the nurse's office.
- Hi, Carla.
- Oh, hey.
Hey, listen, um,
I know it's kind of last minute, but, um,
I wanted to know if you'd maybe want to go to the prom with me tonight.
Oh, I'm sorry, Justin, someone already asked me.
Three weeks ago.
Oh... oh, okay.
That's... that's all right.
Well, have fun, though.
Oh, check out your cock!
Oh! 
Oh, honey!
I've been using these since the Eisenhower Administration.
Can I help you?
Huh?
Uh... uh, no.
Oh, honey...
She's a real beaut, isn't she?
This just isn't right.
I wish we'd met years ago.
My whole high school experience would have been different.
# Every day, the one thing I can count on #
# So much love #
# It's like a river with no end #
# So much love #
# The minute it seems to stop, it starts again #
# So much love #
# You've given me so much love #
# Don't you know you've made my dream come true #
I've always wanted to see the Grand Canyon, too!
# They brought me you, you brought me love #
# Dreams come true every day with you #
# So much love #
Justin, I haven't seen you around much lately.
I've been busy.
Well, prom wasn't the same without you.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I was wondering if we could go out sometime.
- Me and you?
- Dinner?
Maybe Saturday night?
And just when I thought the night could not get any worse, he pukes all over my dress.
It was horrible.
I'm sure you still looked beautiful, though.
Thanks, but I didn't.
I had vomit all over me.
You're so amazing.
You really are.
What? 
No, that's ridiculous.
I'm going to play poker with some of the guys.
Don't worry.
I'll be back by 10:00. 
All right?
Hello?
Anyone there?
Look, don't be a pussy, just tell me who it is.
Stop calling me!
Another prank call.
I know what you're up to, and it's gotta stop.
Leave Carla alone!
It's over between me and you.
Get used to it!
Where were you this morning?
I thought you were gonna watch me practice.
Oh. 
Sorry, I forgot.
Well, you comin' to my game on Friday night?
Actually, I'm going to Len's party with Stacy.
You know what? 
There's someone else who actually cares about me.
Good-bye, Carla.
Justin, where are you going?
What?
No!
Why?
! 
Why did you do this?
!
Someone call 911!
So what's the kinkiest thing you've ever done in bed?
The two of us licked whipped cream off of each other once.
- That was fun. 
Yeah.
- That was pretty kinky.
What about you?
I don't know.
- Uh...
- Come on, don't act all shy.
- What if my parents are watching?
- Come on.
Does it have to be the kinkiest thing that we've done together?
No, it could have been on your own.
Well... this one time I had sex with this black guy while his best friend did me in the ass, and then I sucked both their dicks at the same time.
That was kinda kinky.
- What? 
Baby?
- That's great.
MR. MATTHEWS.
Bring it on in!
We got a lot to do and a little time to do it!
Wanna make sure we can cram it all in.
That's what she said. 
Ha ha ha!
You guys know what I'm talkin' about.
You've gotta sit next to Stacy and be her partner.
Yeah, man, don't be scared.
Go ahead.
All right, we're all gettin' in a circle.
This is great.
Okay... let's talk about penises.
That's right, everyone...
I said the big P-word.
Now, the most common question:
What's normal?
Simple answer: 
There's no such thing.
Penises come in a variety of different shapes and sizes...
Huh? 
All rightie!
...as you can tell from the molds cast from actual penises we have here.
Got 'em all different from all over the globe.
Now, the next we like to call... the Fireplug.
It's short and stocky, but boy, when you get it excited, kablooey!
Like a sawed-off shotgun, I tell ya.
All right, what do we have next?
This one's called the Tadpole.
Why is it called the Tadpole?
Because it's got a larger head tapering down into a smaller shaft.
We like to call this guy the Mushroom Cloud, if you will.
Yeah. 
I thought you'd like that one.
Now, this is an interesting one.
Looks small, but if you know how to use it,
I tell ya, it's quite a powerful weapon.
It's called the Torpedo.
You know what I mean?
Or the Meat Cone.
'Cause it's got a tiny head tapering into a large shaft.
Nice.
Hand that guy around, that's a good one.
We like to call that one the Roto-Rooter.
Next we have what's called...
the Superhuge.
- That's right.
- Oh, damn!
We also like to call this the Great American Challenge.
Ladies, you're gonna love the cervix stimulation on that guy.
Okay, this next one's interesting, all right? 
I found this one online.
It's the Doubleheader, ladies and gentlemen.
It is out there, believe me.
Hand that around.
Okay, everyone, pass 'em around.
Look 'em up and down.
Now freeze!
Okay. 
Gentlemen, the penises in your hands, that is your penis.
Ladies, put your penises down and partner up with the person closest to you.
Looks like we got a small one, huh?
Yeah.
Okay, now I'm gonna hand out some condoms for each group.
Here ya go, everyone get a condom.
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
I'm gonna have you put the condom on the man's penis, together.
Okay, the reason I'm having you put these condoms on together is because contraception is both partners' responsibility.
Have to say that. 
Sorry.
Mike, it looks like you got a little room there.
That's because, Mike, you have a very small penis.
Okay, everyone, let's talk about fetishes.
Now, a fetish is basically an obsession with leather... black leather... and bits, mouth bits.
Who likes a ball in their mouth?
Anyone?
Oh, baby, you look so good.
- You wanna do it now, baby?
- Hell, yeah, I do.
Okay.
No, wait.
You know what would be even hotter?
What?
This.
You want me to wear a hat?
Oh, yeah, baby, that shit is so hot.
- Okay.
- Yeah. 
Yeah.
Wait. 
Uh, you know what else would be so smokin' hot?
What?
This big mole.
What?
! 
Ew!
It's hot. 
Trust me.
For me?
Fine.
- Now can we do it?
- Yeah.
Ronny... what the hell?
!
- What?
- I didn't want to say this, but you clearly want to have sex with Abraham Lincoln!
That's crazy!
Is it?
Look around you, Ronny.
- You're obsessed with him.
- He was a great man.
What's wrong with paying tribute?
Paying tribute is one thing... trying to turn your girlfriend into him so you can get a hard-on is another.
I'm outta here.
Call me when you get some therapy.
Sue...
That was my last beard.
Can the transporter be fixed?
Or is all hopeless for our heroines?
Will Alice and Betty make it home?
Find out next on Babes Lost in Time!
Time.
Forward... into the past!
Here I come, Abe!
Ladies, you do not...
I repeat, you do not have to have sex with a guy for him to like you.
But it helps.
Want to remain a virgin until you're married?
Two words: butt sex.
Look, if you like to be choked, it's okay. 
Everyone likes it... a little.
Just don't go too far.
Blue is a warning sign.
So, what's the kinkiest thing either one you has ever done in bed?
- Well, um, check it:
- Whoo!
I'm at the club one night, and I meet this little white chick, right?
So next you know I get in her ear, man, and she lets me take her back to my spot, and she did me and him at the same time.
- And then she blew us.
- You're kidding.
Whoo, man!
That girl was off the chain, man!
Hey, you know, uh, shit, what can I say?
That little woman had a big ol' twelve-pound pussy, man!
- Where'd she get that?
- There was a lot of acrobatics in that motherfucker, you know what I'm sayin'?
She was small, but she did a lot of big things, baby.
- Hey, Kim, holler at your boy!
- Whoo!
The women spend most of their time stretching their breasts,
- adding a new ring each year.
- Yeah. 
Ooh.
They probably like it when they stretch 'em.
Yeah.
I know they do.
Holy crap!
It's Saturday night and you guys are getting stiffies watching PBS?
- You're pathetic.
- Get out of my room, RJ!
You never knock!
Stupid.
He's right, you know.
- I mean, this is pathetic.
- What else are we gonna do?
It's not like we can actually get laid.
Let's just watch this.
Unless we come up with a way to build an artificial woman from your computer.
And then program her to have sex with us.
You're a genius!
This is stupid, Barry.
Shut up.
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Relax! 
We're gonna give her Halle Berry's face,
- and Beyonce's ass...
- All right.
- Tyra's boobs...
- Bam!
Tyra's probably got bigger nipples than that.
Now all that's left to do is make sure she's horny.
Like really, really horny, though.
See this pair of panties, right?
Where'd you get those from?
They're lacy.
All right. 
Are you ready to lose your virginity?
- I'm ready.
- Say good-bye.
Ow! 
I told you that was stupid, Barry.
Be quiet, Leon. 
I'm thinking.
Oh, shit!
So, who gonna fuck me first?
!
Him! 
Him!
What the hell just happened?
!
The panties, they was my aunt's.
I knew it. 
It was my aunt's panties.
What you waitin' for? 
My pussy ain't gonna eat itself out.
What? 
What you say?
Who would say that?
Where you goin'?
Where you goin'?
Leon!
Leon!
Well...
I guess that means you first.
No. 
It don't... it don't have to mean that.
Come give mama a taste of that sweet chocolate.
What you talkin' about?
Chocolate ain't sweet!
I'm your human sex toy, and I don't come with no Off button!
You don't even have to wear no jimmy hat!
Save your energy!
I plan on cumming a lot tonight!
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
You're too big for me!
Your ball sack is about to get drained!
Let me go! 
Please, Jesus!
You were good.
I don't want no more.
I don't... 
I don't want no more.
No! 
I don't want it!
You broke my bed.
She's so big. 
Why is she so big?
I musta... 
I probably hit F1 instead of Enter. 
I don't know.
Here I come!
And this time your ass cherry is mine!
No, it's not! 
No, it's not!
It's my ass cherry! 
It's not yours!
Barry? 
Leon?
"Press Enter now"?
# Yeah #
# You're lookin' good, baby #
Whoa!
You're cute. 
How old are you?
Old enough.
# Ooh-whoo!
Yeah, yeah #
# Here we go #
I know you're probably too young to be thinking about marriage, but take it from me, if you find somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with, there's nothing better.
Thanks, sweetie.
But before you get married, make sure you explore all your options, guys, and bone as many chicks as you can.
Well, ladies, be sure you take the long way through Dicktown, too.
I banged at least fifty guys before I met this asshole sitting next to me here.
And a group of girls, too.
It was no accident that I invited the electrician and the plumber on the same day.
- Ohh.
- Whoo-whoo! 
Real hot!
Guys, listen up.
If you're planning on having a threesome, you better to do it before you get married.
But trust me, there's no better sensation... than two women making out while riding your johnson.
I almost forgot.
Book yourself a ticket to...
Try sleeping with your fiancé's best man... and his brother... at the wedding reception.
Very hot.
Great.
Ohh...
Ohh...
Ooh, that's nice.
Oh, why didn't I think of this before?
Oh, shit.
Ohh! 
Ohh!
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
Honey, dinner's ready.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, this is bad.
Can you pass the mashed potatoes, please?
- Certainly.
- Thank you.
Mm. 
Everything is delicious, dear.
Did you pick up your condoms for the prom?
Yeah, they gave them out for free at school today.
They did?
- Yeah. 
Thanks, though.
Honey, is your vagina ringing?
Dad! 
That's ridiculous.
Sounded like it.
Okay, I think we've learned a lot here.
Class dismissed.
I'll see ya all tomorrow.
Now, remember your permission slips for the field trip.
Now, these permission slips are no joke, people, okay?
Now if you can't find your parents, they're in their bedroom, doing it.
- He'd probably use the toys.
- Totally.
Hey, Stace. 
Jess.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Uh, so listen, Stace, um...
Mike, can I talk to you for a second?
- Later?
- Yes.
- Awesome.
- Okay.
So, Mike, how are things going with you and Stacy?
Oh, uh, great.
You know, we're really good friends.
We...
Hey, hey!
Don't bullshit a bullshitter, bro.
I know you're into Stacy.
You wanna... rap about it?
Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
I like Stacy.
- Hmm. 
Hmm.
- A lot.
What do I do?
How do I... tell her how I feel?
That's a good question.
You don't.
I don't?
No, you don't.
You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy is, ooh, way out of your league.
Way.
What? 
What do you mean?
I thought you were all about breaking the rules and there are no rules and we're all equal.
I am. 
Just not when it comes to you and Stacy.
You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy, to get her, boy, you'd need like a truckload of cough syrup and a vat of malt liquor.
Really mellow her out, you know what I mean?
But not knock her out.
That's a whole different class altogether.
- What?
- Mike... you need to go after something more attainable.
You need to find somebody who's a lot less... pretty-er.
You might have to go up a few weight classes... a little more than you're comfortable with, probably... buck-fifty, two bills... 
I'm not sure.
Somebody who hasn't seen the light of day in quite a long time.
Acne scars, fangs for teeth, bad hygiene,
- retarded, if you will.
- What?
!
Hey, sometimes keeping' it real hurts, little bro.
But in the end, we're all stronger people.
Now go out there and get an ugly chick.
Or a whore.
Good luck.
Good talk.
Now, a quick word from our sponsor.
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Come on, guys.
Flaccitra.
Mmm, this is nice, baby.
Lindsey, relax. 
Everybody farts.
This is huge.
We've crossed the Fart Barrier.
Really?
Ahh...
See? 
It's nothin'!
I do feel comfortable with you.
Damn!
Now, that's just nasty.
Oh, my God! 
Oh, yes!
Hey, man, she was riding you like a pogo stick! 
Up and down!
Hold on, hold on.
It gets better.
- Wait for it...
- I'm gonna cum!
Now.
Oh, my God!
Whoo...
Let me introduce you to The Screamer.
Griffin, this chick is amazing.
Which is why I invited her over here today.
Yes, sir.
And we're gonna be right here to make sure you go through with it.
Got your little sister's baby monitor hooked up in your room.
And we're gonna have the other end right here so we can listen in.
No. 
Not happening, guys.
- Not happening?
- No.
- Yes. 
Yes.
- No. 
No.
Well, that's what you think.
- Oh. 
Too late.
- Oh, I love it!
Go ahead.
- Hi, I'm... 
I'm Mike.
- Where's your room?
# Oh, my God #
# Oh, shit #
# Oh, my God #
# I can't believe this #
Come here.
# Oh, shit #
Whoa, you're taking your shirt off immediately like that, it's kinda tough for me to say no.
You hear that, man?
The shirt just came off!
- It's on!
- Oh, it is on, all right.
Put it in me.
Why... why don't I just grab some ear plugs real quick?
# Oh, my God, what should I do? 
#
Oh, hell no, man, is it broke?
What are you waiting for?
I'm sorry. 
I...
I can't do this.
What?
There's this girl in my high school, and I... 
I really like her.
Great. 
I didn't have a back-up plan.
Now I've gotta go fuck a trucker or a cab driver or... a homeless guy.
Do you possibly think that maybe you could go through the back door?
Just so you know...
you're givin' up a sure thing.
Your friend said that you were desperate for it.
Last chance.
Man, all the setting' up we did, he better not be pussin' out.
He's definitely pussing out.
Let's go see what's going on with the dumb-ass.
You like that, don't you?
Ha ha! 
We back in action!
- Oh, Mike!
Yeah, Mike!
Whoo-hoo!
Man, you hear that?
Yeah!
Ride it! 
Ride it!
My boy's goin' strong to the hole, I'm tellin' ya!
- She's going nuts!
- She wasn't that crazy with me.
Ahem.
Hi. 
Have you guys seen my purse?
Oh, Mike! 
You're so big!
Ahh! 
Ahh! 
Oh, Mike, I've never been fucked so good!
Cover your ears! 
I'm about to cum!
I'm cumming! 
I'm cumming!
Aaah! 
Aaah! 
Aaah! 
Aaah!
Oh! 
Oh! 
You're such a beast!
I'm your big daddy.
Mike, I'm... cover your ears!
Shh! 
Shh! 
Oh! 
Oh!
All right, home stretch.
Oh, like that! 
Oh, like that!
Oh, like that!
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
I'm in love, Mike.
I love you.
I love you, Mike.
# Let them know you worked it, dust it off and jerk it... #
So... was it as good for you guys as it was for me?
You know, I would tell you to go fuck yourself, but it sounds like you just did.
Now, Suzy, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just gonna come right out and say it.
Say it.
I've been sleeping with your mom.
- Hank, come on.
- What?
You know I made an abstinence pledge.
I promised myself I'd wait until I was sure it was with the right guy.
I thought I was the right guy.
You might be.
I'm just not sure yet.
But I like you a lot.
Hi, sexually frustrated teenager!
I'm Blue Bally!
And if you and your girlfriend don't have sex soon, you're gonna wind up with a serious case of blueballs!
That's right!
Your nuts are gonna turn blue.
Aw, don't be afraid.
I'm here to help.
You've been stiff as a board for the last two hours.
That means you're reaching a critical moment where that good tingly feeling down there can quickly turn into an achy not-so-good feeling!
Wh... what do you mean?
See, Hank, right now your testicles are filled with semen, and only a little bit's dripping out.
That's called pre-cum.
What you want to do is ejaculate.
Otherwise, that back up of jizz will cause pressure in your nut sack to the point of making you nauseous.
In fact, your genitals can increase in size 25 to 50%. 
That's huge!
- So, what do I do?
- From where I'm sittin', even if your girlfriend won't have intercourse with you, the least you should be able to do is to score a handjob.
Judy?
I... 
I want you to know that I really do care about you.
And I've known that since the first time I saw you in Bible Study class.
Uh-huh... uh-huh... uh-huh...
- Uh-oh. 
That's not good.
- What do you mean?
With that kind of arousal, it's only a matter of seconds before full-on irreversible blue balls!
You better go to the bathroom and jerk off, right now.
- Here?
- Yes! 
Go!
There's no time to waste!
Go! 
Get going!
It's a medical emergency!
Oh, yeah, you won't see this on children's television!
Blue Bally!
Hope you like sloppy seconds!
Hah!
Oh, yeah! 
Oh, yeah!
Man, I'm never gonna get laid.
I'm such a loser.
No, you're not.
I met a girl in a chat room.
- Did you?
- Yeah.
I met in her in Teenlonelyboys.
'Cause I figure I'm a teen and I'm lonely.
Anyways, it's crazy, there's not a lot of girls in that chat room.
It's mostly older guys interested in photography.
That's kind of creepy.
It is at first, but, you know, once I made it clear that I was a teen boy in the market for a teen girl, ladies were just coming out of the woodwork.
And now I have a girlfriend.
Her name is Randy.
Isn't that a guy's name?
It's both. 
I...
I mean, she says she gets that all the time.
- She send you a picture?
- No. 
Uh... but I sent her tons of mine.
Most of them are naked.
It's awesome.
Well, maybe I'll give it a try.
And maybe if you're lucky someday, you'll have a Randy, just like me.
"SweeetyPi."
Accept.
Hi.
Hi.
Sex chat?
Sure.
Okay. 
I'm dressed in a tight mini-dress walking down a dark alley.
I'm completely alone and vulnerable.
Then you appear out of the shadows.
You wear all black, with a ski mask over your head.
You approach me menacingly and say?
Hey, what's up.
Was that wrong?
Menacing.
Okay.
What are you doing in my alley?
Oh, no. 
You stay away from me.
I'm lost, alone, and half-naked.
But I have Mace.
Don't try and take advantage of me.
Okay, sorry, no problem.
Do you need cab money?
Be aggressive. 
I want it.
Oh. 
Weird.
I'm afraid I don't care about Mace.
Prepare to be attacked.
Sexually.
That was amazing.
We should meet.
Come to 429 Covington Avenue, apartment 8, tomorrow night at 10:00.
Wear a mask.
Take me against my will.
Don't break character.
- Oh, hello, dear.
- Oh, hey, Jane.
Doing anything special tonight?
Nope, just baking cookies for my niece.
Oh.
Just a second!
Did somebody order the rape?
Aaaah!
Whoo! 
Oooh!
So far so good.
Uh, you can run but you can't hide from forced sexual intercourse, you know what I mean... ma'am?
Get out!
God, be careful!
You're gonna hurt me!
I mean, you won't be so feisty when I'm violating you.
Sexually.
I'm bleeding!
That won't stop me!
No, you don't.
Oh.
I'm sorry, I'll pay for this.
You stay back. 
I'm warning you!
Uh, I'm scared, yeah, yeah.
I'm scared and...
Oh, my God!
What is it?
! 
What is it?
!
Oh, God!
Oh, it's burning!
Aaaah!
Did somebody order the rape?
Fred.
Oh. 
Hey, Betty.
- Hey.
- How's it goin'?
What's wrong?
Oh, it's just been kind of a crazy week.
It's a long story, though.
You know, Fred, I've been thinking... we've been friends for a really long time.
Yeah. 
Yeah, we have.
Maybe it's time we take things to the next level.
Next... 
level?
Wow.
Next level!
Hey, baby, this is for you.
I love you.
You're the only one for me.
I hope you enjoy.
Kat, can I borrow a squirt of your herpes cream?
Uh, yeah, sure.
I'll bring it over in a minute.
Ohh! 
Ow!
I'm not in. 
Leave a message.
Hey, girl, it's Billy Sharpe from the basketball team.
Thanks for rockin' my world.
Talk about takin' it to the hole... damn!
Sorry about that.
Oh, shoot! 
Aaaah!
Nice titties!
Chug! 
Chug! 
Chug! 
Chug!
# Put the south in your mouth, pretty baby #
# Put the south in your mouth, pretty baby #
# Let me slop my biscuit in your gravy #
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it.
I'm there. 
I'm there.
I'm there. 
I'm there.
# Put the south in your mouth, pretty baby #
I wanna kiss your mouth.
Mm, tastes like blueberry.
So good... 
Oh, God.
Mmm...
Hi.
Hi.
You look like you just saw a ghost.
Um...
I had a... a really bad dream.
Oh, sweetie.
It's okay.
Come here.
I had an amazing time last night.
Oh... 
I'm sorry.
Do you have a toilet?
Oh. 
Yeah, it's right over there.
Ohh.
Mmm... 
long night.
- Hello.
- Aaah!
Who the hell are you?
Why don't you ask your dick?
What is going on here?
- Relax, Len.
- How do you know my name?
Uh, I usually like to know the name of the guy who's fucking my mouth.
Nobody fucked anybody's mouth last night!
Fine. 
Nobody fucked my mouth last night.
And I guess... nobody was three knuckles deep in my sphincter, either.
Jesus Christ, what were you doing, reaching for, like, a winning lottery ticket or something?
I could feel you in my small intestines.
Oh, look what the cat dragged in.
- Do you have any matches?
- Such diarrhea. 
Ugh.
I'll air that out. 
All right?
What I need right now is for you to leave my house.
My parents are coming home this afternoon and I need to start cleaning up.
Sorry. 
Dick hair.
Those weren't your parents we met last night?
My parents are in Cancun.
Yeah. 
Yeah. 
Right.
If you say your parents aren't here, then we'll just believe that your parents weren't here.
Maybe it was your aunt and uncle.
I don't care. 
I came here to fuck and get fucked.
And you know, I got fucked last night. 
Fucked good.
Okay. 
Very funny.
The, uh, the joke's over.
This has been a delightful little prank that you guys have played on me, but now it's time for you to respect my wishes and please get the hell out of my house!
Yeah.
You're right.
The whole thing was a prank.
After we invited you for a threesome,
I got blueberry yogurt and I smeared it all over my face and your balls to make it look like you fucked my mouth.
And then I dig my fingers in my asshole and put some of my butt stink on your hands.
And then I put some moisturizer up on the ceiling to make it look like you shoot a load up there.
Pooh! 
Yeah! 
All a joke.
Please just get the hell out.
- Fine.
- Whatever.
Please, just... just leave.
Ooh. 
So kind.
If you say your parents aren't here, then we'll just believe that your parents aren't here.
Maybe it was your aunt and uncle.
Mm-hmm.
Oh... thank God.
Oh, please, God, don't let them be home.
I swear I'll never drink again just... just don't let them be here.
Hello.
So, you guys are home early.
Did you... just get in?
How was your second honeymoon?
Oh! 
No!
Get the hell out of our sight.
Okay.
How could you?
!
How could you?
!
How could you?
!
Ohh!
Len, can we talk?
Um, just a minute.
What, you been doing a little spackling work on the ceiling?
Oh, God, Dad, no. 
This... it's not...
Your mother and I are disgusted with you, Len.
Well, uh...
Look at her.
- You don't understand.
- Son,
I have one question for you, and I'm only gonna ask it once.
Have you been sneaking behind our backs and being on a hidden camera show?
- What?
- Look over there.
No. 
No, no, no, no, no!
You didn't!
They were in there the whole time?
Gotcha!
No!
Hey, buddy!
Fuck anybody in their mouth lately?
Look at his face!
How could you do this to me?
Wait. 
Who am I?
We roofied you, honey.
Wait, wait, wait...
so I didn't fuck you and you didn't fuck me?
Well, I fucked you a little, but it wasn't all faggy.
Mr. Tight Sphincter...
ha ha ha ha!
Mark.
Fellas, personal advice from me to you:
Get in there and shave that shit up.
Visually, it will give yourself an extra two or three inches.
If you're having anal intercourse, whatever you do, pull out and deposit your sperm on her back.
She'll appreciate it in the long run.
Alcohol and sex don't mix.
Cocaine and sex...
If you don't have a rubber, don't panic, whatever you do.
Watch this. 
Ready?
"Hold on a sec, babe.
Lemme grab my jimmy hat."
And then pantomime...
"Oh! 
It's so small! 
The rubber."
And then...
you lock and load.
She'll never know.
- Damn!
- Oh, my God!
Ohh, what died?
Girl, you gotta stop being so comfortable!
- Hey, pretty sweet field trip, huh?
- Yeah, it was cool.
So, Stacy, I wanted to ask you something.
Hey, man, I'm gonna catch you inside, all right?
- Uh...
- So what'd you want to tell me?
You know what, it can wait.
Hey, man, fake any orgasms lately?
- Fuck off.
- What?
Ew.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Why is that guy so tall?
Great. 
Yeah, I should be okay.
I'll just go try to clean up before we eat.
- Uh, see you inside?
- Okay.
Sorry!
Guys.
Can someone help me get off the bus?
Hello?
- Hello?
- Ah, there you are.
Everybody's waiting for you.
Come on.
Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah...
- Oh...
Licking, licking...
- Oh! 
Oh!
- Suck, suck, suck!
Oh, yeah!
# Keep 'em shakin'... #
# Show 'em to me #
# Tits #
Ohh, yeah!
That's it, Nance.
Cut!
Great job, girls.
Nancy, nice licking.
Very good sucking, too.
- Okay, he's here.
- It's about time.
Listen, I know it's your first day, but we got some stuff to shoot, all right?
- Uh... wha...
- Now, listen.
The way I view this film, it's a spiritual successor to Rebel Without A Cause... only with a lot more fucking. 
Ha ha!
Uh, right. 
Um, you guys, I think there's been a small...
I'm really looking forward to working with you.
Jackie and I are especially curious how you got the name Gigundocock.
Oh, I can't wait to wrap my hands around the biggest penis in the biz.
"Penis"? 
I haven't heard that word for a long time.
- I usually just call it "dinner." 
- Mmm.
Okay, everybody on set!
I told you they wouldn't have any beer.
Oh, man, how was I supposed to know?
- Oh, man! 
Sweet car!
- Here's the scene:
You've just helped these girls fix their car.
And so to repay you, you get to bang 'em.
Now, Nancy right here, she's gonna start by blowing you.
Then you're gonna do some back-door stuff with Jackie.
Bro, check this out.
After that, just feel free to improvise.
All right.
Hey, you gonna need a fluffer?
Uh... uh...
All rightie... let's see that gigundocock.
And... action!
Thank you so much for fixing our car.
How can we ever repay you?
What?
- Cut!
- Hey, sorry I'm late.
I'm Gigundocock.
Damn.
# Yeah, I'm not Gigundocock #
# I'm just a small-town hick #
# An 18-year-old virgin #
# With a super-tiny dick #
# Kid, I've seen this once before #
# A boy who wished he was Ang Lee #
# Found he couldn't frame a shot #
# That's right, that little boy was me #
# It wasn't my first choice #
# My parents think I'm in college #
# I thought I'd be doing theater #
# On Broadway #
# We're just accidentally #
# Incidentally, unintentionally making porn #
# Accidentally, incidentally, unintentionally #
# Making porn #
# Not me, I do it 'cause I fuckin' like it #
# Girl-on-girl pays fifty bucks #
# I get double for back-door fucks #
# How I got here I'll never know #
# Beats Mexico and that donkey show #
# All these tits got me in the mood #
# We're the ones who should be getting screwed #
# Let us be your man-whores #
# Will someone show these assholes the door? 
#
# I found my home here #
# On this porn set #
# Better hurry up or I won't stay wet #
Fuck yeah!
Wow. 
Thanks for being so cool about everything.
I feel like I should tell you, though,
I don't really think this is the life for me.
You've got balls, kid... very large balls.
You show that kind of confidence in real life, you're gonna be fine, just fine.
All right, let's reset.
Back to one.
Dude, what happened in there after we left?
Yo, bro, do you know those chicks?
Yeah, Mike!
That's what I'm talkin' about!
Dude, yes!
Whoa.
Look, Stacy...
I'm not sexually experienced, and I'm not some famous porn star named Gigundocock.
Look, I'm just some regular kid who just wants to ask out a very... very beautiful girl.
Don't call past 10:00.
My dad'll kill me.
Screw her for me, dude!
Yes!
Fellas, you gotta be respectful of your ladies.
Whatever you do, don't go around your boys telling them all the gruesome details.
But me, on the other hand, I'm married with two kids,
I like all dirty stuff.
This website will go directly to me, and only me.
Send me all pictures, streaming videos, letters... as bizarre as you want.
I'll read them all, and masturbate all night.
Thank you. 
I'm Matthew Lillard.
# She's got that kind of booty #
# Little mama, come here and do me #
# She's got that kind of booty #
# The type that'll drive you looney #
# She's got that kind of booty, pack it up and bring it to me #
# Smack it up, let's make a movie, she's got that kind of booty #
# Shake that booty, cutie, up and down and all around #
# That big ol' juicy brown ass, Shorty, go to town #
# Kick it smooth like Luther Vandy, so good, like chewing candy #
# In the middle of M-I-ami, come and sit down on my jammy #
# We can do it in a big ol' bed #
# Long as you give me good ol' head #
# Yeah, girl, that's what I said, no, girl, you don't get no bread #
# She's got that kind of booty #
# Little mama, come here and do me #
# She's got that kind of booty, the type that'll drive you looney #
# She's got that kind of booty #
# Pack it up and bring it to me #
# Smack it up, let's make a movie #
# She's got that kind of booty #
# Shorty got that fat ass #
# Gets 'em harder than a math class #
# Smilin', don't you act up, just stop and back up #
# Go ahead and drop that ass low, be easy moving' that slow #
# Nobody has to know, we in the corner, though #
# You sippin' champagne, I'm drinking cognac #
# You do that damn thing, I get to bone that #
# She's got that kind of booty #
# Little mama, come here and do me #
# She's got that kind of booty #
# The type that'll drive you looney #
# She's got that kind of booty #
# Pack it up and bring it to me #
# Smack it up, let's make a movie #
# She's got that kind of booty #
# Shake that booty, sh-sh-shake, shake, shake #
# Shake that booty, sh-sh-shake, shake, shake #
# Up and down the stripper pole, got that body all swole #
# You know my package, right?
You can stay the whole night #
# Lady, what you gotta do is keep me in the back of you #
# Nobody move you like I do, they call me Mr. Mac-a-do #
# They counted Tallahassee classic got 'em on my caddy #
# Girlie, let me be your daddy and we can both be happy #
# She's got that kind of booty #
# Little mama, come here and do me #
# She's got that kind of booty #
# The type that'll drive you looney #
# She's got that kind of booty #
# Pack it up and bring it to me #
# Smack it up, let's make a movie #
# She's got that kind of booty #
# My darling, the stars, they shine for you #
# My darling, the birds twitter for you #
# My darling, my heart skips a beat #
# Whenever I think of you #
# And under this moonlit sky #
# I pray and dream that I will be the one, will be the one #
# That you'll #
# Bend over and bang good and hard #
# From behind #
# Have me on all fours, howling at the sky #
# I'll give your cock a good long suck #
# Then you'll give me a good hard fuck #
# Squeeze my tits, all big and bouncy #
# Then spunk all over my body #
# I want to be your buttt-hot greasy slut #
# Greasy slut #
# Beggin' for more, for I can't get enough #
# Can't get enough #
# When I leave your tool #
# Used up, worn, and soggy #
# I won't stop then #
# Oh, no, no, no #
# I'll become your little leg-humping doggie #
# Let me be your dirty, fuckin' whore #
Subtitles by LeapinLar

[For a while, a funny thing had been happening to Marta Cortese...]
[She imagined that the people around her started their working day] [with a joyous, collective dance number] [and in that daydream] [she felt that happiness was at hand] [if only she could understand the song and follow the beat.]
[Except that she didn't yet know the steps well] [and she felt stranded at the edge of the dance floor]
[Maybe that was because at Multiple,] [where she had finally found a part-time job] [it was the first time that someone asked her to dance.]
Daniela:...
You'renotjust plain old workers. 
What are you?
Protagonists!
The protagonists of a tale of success!
Because the effort of one is the success of all
Because common people, when they work together, get exceptional results!
Yes!
Andso,comeon, letssay "Hello" to the opportunities ofthissplendidnew day !
Hello!
Good!
Andnowtowork !
Mariachiara:
Youhavebeenselected among 300 telephone subscribers in your neighborhood to receive a free coupon from Multiple.
[And so Marta had the silly but reassuring sensation,] [of having finally found her place in the world,] [in that place that she never even imagined existed] [only a little while earlier, when she was still fumbling in ignorance.]
Hello, this is Marta. 
Reflections on a world generated by the sharing of a thought and of a love that lasted for 50 years of their lives are exchanged in the letters thepassionatethought with which the transitive use of the verb "to think" constitutes the paradigm.
Thinking and being alive become one and the same.
As we read in the words of Arendt dedicated to the occasion of the 80th birthday of her former maestro:
"Heidegger doesn't think about something, he thinks something."
Thisunmaskstheillusionthat the thinking subject can be stripped of its co-extensiveness with and intrinsic dependence on the world, by turning on its head the Platonic contraposition between aletheia and doxa and the re-examination of the Aristotelian categories of theoria, poiesis...
The urologist said I shouldn't hold it so long. . 
Yes, yes...
Therefore, in conclusion, in the work that I have presented the Arendtian reading of the impolitic nature of the complex of Western thought is seen to be confirmed.
I've finished. 
Should I leave?
Chair: 
If my colleagues agree we can immediately respond that this committee has decided to confer the grade of 110/110 cum laude.
Andknow,withyourpermission...
Talented. 
Talented and pretty too!
[But apart from the satisfaction of that embrace,] [the academic world wasn't waiting with open arms for people like her.]
[She realized when she went to the Department office] [to ask for information on how to apply for a position as a researcher]
- But that's 3 months from now 
- If that's what's written there... . 
Thanks.
. 
Dn't wrry, Big Chris, I'll make sure he stays in ne piece.
Thanks, Rary lad.
10 metres... 11 metres... 12 metres...
- Ohhh!
- (Rary ) Wha!
Oh!
Wha! 
Srry, Tin Tp -
I prmised Big Chris and Marsha yu'd stay in tip-tp cnditin fr Hug's visit.
I thught it's what yu wanted t.
It is, it's just that the tyre-mark recrd, well, it means a lt t me, by.
31 metres!
Ha-hey! 
I did it!
I suppse it's cngratulatins.
Y u beat my recrd.
- I'm the hare with the flair!
- (Zippee appraching)
Well, if yu made that tyre mark, yu can clean it up, Flash.
This track has gt t be sptless.
Mr Carburettr and Hug Amarill will be here in half an hur.
(Mr Carburettr) Ah, this is Marsha.
Marsha!
- Very nice t meet yu.
- (Gasps )
- And yu t, Senr Hug.
- (Mr Carburettr) Ahem!
This is Big Chris.
Er, where is he?
Is this the way t Hug Amarill?
(Rary and Big Chris laugh)
Hey, steady, steady.
- This is Rary.
- Hell!
This is Drifter.
And my little cutesy, Cici.
(Giggles )
And this is, er...
Tin Tack.
Act... 
Actually his name's Tin Tp, Mr Carburettr.
Ah, si. (Laughs ) Er, Tp Tin, this is what I say.
Nw I have saved the best till last.
- Our star car.
- (Engine revving)
G n, my sn! 
Get in there!
Aah! 
Srry. 
Srry.
He's wnderful, Mr Carburettr.
Ya-ha!
Er, can yu hear smething?
Wa-hey!
Wait a minute...is that Flash?
Get ff the track! 
Maxi is racing!
D'ah!
Ha-haa! 
Oh!
- Uh-h.
- (Tyres squeal)
(Screams )
Oh, n!
Oh, n! 
Maxi's tyre's cme ff.
(Mr Carburettr) That wheel, it's heading straight fr us!
(All gasp)
(Gasps )
Tin Tp, what are yu ding?
(Screams )
Ah!
What a star!
It is an hnur t present Tick Tck...
- (All) Tin Tp!
- Yes.
That's what I said.
..with this rsette fr his bravery.
And s inspired am I that I will nw design a new rugged car based n the marvellus Tin Tack.
(All) Tin Tp!
Hray!
What, me? 
Really?
Oh, get ut f here, yu guys.
Tin Top realised Big Chris was right - he did have a time to shine.
But that wasn't all. 
In saving the day, he also got back his record for the longest tyre mark
- on the Silver Hatch track.
- (Flash sighs )
# Roary
# Roary
# Roary, the racing car #
# I love that car
# My number one star
# At the Silver Hatch in his little white cap
# Come on, Roary
# One more lap!
# Roary, the racing car
# Roary, my number one star
# He's coming to the line
# Looking real fine
# Watch out, Roary, they're right behind you
# Come on!
# Roary, the racing car
# Roary, my number one star
# Roary, the racing car #
One morning, Mr Carburettor arrived at Silver Hatch in Hellie.
He had an important announcement to make.
Thank yu, Hellie!
And nw g and pick up ur very imprtant guest.
OK, Mr Carburettr.
- (Slurping and munching) - (Marsha panting)
Oh, dear me, what time is it?
Trying t eat me breakfast here, Marsha.
What's all the fuss?
Mr Carburettr just said t make sure we're all here fr an imprtant annuncement.
- (Lift bell dings ) 
- Oh, and here he is!
Attenzine. 
Tday, a special guest is cming t visit Silver Hatch.
It's...my mama! 
Mama Mia!
- (All gasp) 
- Nw, what my mama says ges.
She always tells me what t d.
S, if she desn't like my racetrack then maybe she tells me... t cise it dwn!
- (All gasp) - (Marsha ) Clse us dwn?
But-But-But...we can't let that happen, sir.
What can we d t help?
I want everything t run like the clckwrk tday.
Fr a start, make sure that rabbit stays ut f sight.
- Uh-h. 
Flash is nt gnna like that.
- We will shw Mama what a fantastic place Silver Hatch is.
Dn't wrry. 
We'll lay ut the red carpet fr yur mama and have the whle place lking sptless.
Thank yu, Marsha.
(Hums happily)
(Big Chris ) # I dn't knw where me spanner is... #
Oh, ripen my radishes! 
What's ging n?
Why's everyne s busy cleaning the place up?
Ee, Rusty, yu're ging t be the smartest caravan that Mama Mia has ever clapped eyes n.
Aaaa...ch!
Flwers t welcme Mama Mia.
Oh! 
Oh. 
Flash, are yu there?
Are we expecting visitrs?
Yes, we are, Flash.
Mr Carburettr's mama mia.
Chew my carrts! 
N ne tld me.
Oh, this is gnna be interesting.
I'll give Mama Mia a skatebard demnstratin, shw her what a real driver can d.
Y u can't. 
Mr Carburettr's banned yu.
- Y u have t stay ut f sight.
- Waah!
And miss all the fun? 
Oh, nt likely. (Laughs )
Hey, Rary, my wheels need plishing next.
(Giggles )
Why's Maxi the nly ne wh desn't have t help get Silver Hatch ready fr Mama Mia?
Cs Mr Carburettr wants him lking spick-and-span t impress Mama Mia.
(Marsha ) Rusty washed, track swept... h, and Maxi plished, gd.
Hey, Marsha lve, d yu reckn, er...
Mama Mia wuld like t, yu knw... like me t sing t her when she gets here?
# I dn't knw where me spanner is, I dn't knw where's me hat!
# I can fix a tyre in 30 secnds flat! 
#
Oh, the mtr man, he sund like rubbish!
- We dn't want t upset her.
- (Hellie appraching)
Huh? 
Aaah!
Ohh, hh, she's here!
Keep-a calm. 
Keep-a calm.
Cming, Mama.
Mama Mia!
# Y u're here, yu're here
# Y u-u-u're here! 
#
Must yu make that racket all the time? 
(Tuts )
Heh-heh. 
Srry, Mama.
S this is yur racetrack.
Hmph! 
I hpe it's ging t be wrth it.
I missed my favurite animal prgramme n the telly t cme here.
And yu knw hw I lve the little animal furry fluffikins!
But when yu see my racey-tracky, yu will be s prud f me, Mama.
Mama, this is Marsha, ur track marshal.
And this is ur tp mechanic, Big Chris.
- Hw d, Mama Mia lve?
- (Squelch, gasp)
- I am cvered in engine il!
- Oh, srry, pet.
Wipe it ff with this.
Haaa... 
Yuck!
Heh-heh, never mind.
Meet the cars, Mama.
Hell, I'm Rary.
- (Engine revving, tyres squealing) 
- I hate lud nises!
(Cughing and spluttering)
And the smke! 
Eurgh!
Oh, er, these are t welcme yu t Silver Hatch, Mrs Madam Mama Mia.
Flwers? 
But...flwers make me... s...sneeze!
Ach!
I'm nt enjying this at all, my by.
Ach!
I'll stay t watch ne race, but if it's n gd then yu can kiss yur racetrack gdbye.
(Gulps ) Start the race, Marsha!
- And make sure nthing else ges wrng!
- (Mama Mia ) Ach! 
Ach!
Right, yu lt, this is yur chance t shw Mama Mia hw gd yu are.
- Gt it?
- (All) Gt it, Big Chris!
- Stand by fr the green flag.
- (Engines revving)
One, tw... three, fur... five...
G!
(Engine spluttering)
I've stalled!
In frnt f Mama Mia t!
- (Sbs ) 
- Oh, 'eck, it's nt a gd start fr Maxi, but ut in frnt it's Cici. 
G n, girl!
- Wha! 
Aaah!
- (Big Chris ) Cici's spun ff!
She's ut f the race, but Drifter takes the lead, and he's ging fr a slide maneuvre.
- (Screams ) 
- Drifter's verdne it!
Oh, that's gt t hurt, that. 
Oh, I felt that.
S, as they apprach Tn-Up Tunnel, Tin Tp edges in frnt!
(Screams )
I dn't believe it!
Nw Tin Tp's ut f the race t!
The whle race has been a disaster!
What a shambles!
That just leaves Rary ut n his wn!
G n, my sn! 
Shw Mama Mia what yu can d!
Lks like it's all dwn t me t shw Mama Mia what a real driver can d!
(Laughs )
What? 
What's this?
Flash has jined the race, I think!
- (Mr Carburettr) Aaargh!
- (Mama Mia laughs )
That rabbit is driving me crazy!
Oh, what a fantastic rabbit!
Why didn't yu intrduce me t him?
He is such a cute little bunny.
Cute little bunny? 
Flash?
!
Flash is eating up the track, but nw Rary's catching him up!
This is incredible!
Rary's trying t beat him t the line!
It's Flash!
Flash has wn the race! 
(Laughs )
Strip my gears! 
I dn't knw what Mr Carburettr will have t say abut all this.
- Or Mama Mia.
- (All) Srry, Big Chris. 
Srry, Marsha.
Oh, here cmes Mr Carburettr.
I can't believe it.
Say n mre, sir.
I suppse Mama Mia hated the race and wants yu t cise us dwn.
N, Marsha.
Mama is...is very happy!
She tell me my racetrack is the mst fun place she has ever seen.
Thanks t...
- Flash.
- (All) Flash?
Mama Mia Ives the little fluffy animals. 
See?
(Flash shrieks )
What a cutie yu are, Flash!
And such a gd driver!
(Laughs )
Oh! 
Oh, lk!
- Mre cute furry animals!
- (Bth) Huh?
Oh, Silver Hatch is wnderful!
(All) Chew my carrts!
Mama Mia had really enjoyed her visit to Silver Hatch after all, and for once Mr Carburettor was glad that Flash hadn't stayed out of sight.
- Flash had saved the day.
- D'h! 
(Giggles )
# Roary
# Roary
# Roary, the racing car #
# I love that car
# My number one star
# At the Silver Hatch in his little white cap
# Come on, Roary
# One more lap!
# Roary, the racing car
# Roary, my number one star
# He's coming to the line
# Looking real fine
# Watch out, Roary, they're right behind you
# Come on!
# Roary, the racing car
# Roary, my number one star
# Roary, the racing car #
It was an important day at Silver Hatch.
All the cars were getting ready for a big race the next day.
On the starting grid, Maxi and Roary were about to run a practice lap.
Are yu ready, Maxi?
Are yu ready t light 'em up, Rary?
(Bth) Y u bet!
H h! 
That sunds gd t me!
Right. 
One... tw... three... fur... five...
G!
G n, make me prud! 
Race away!
Mrning, Marsha. 
Can I help? 
Hm?
Ah! 
What a gdy-gdy!
I'm sure yu can, Mlecm.
I've gt a very imprtant jb t d tday.
Oh! 
If it's a very imprtant jb, yu need a very imprtant rabbit.
Actually, yu bth can help.
I've gt t check all the barriers and gravel traps befre the big race tmrrw.
I have t make sure the cars will be safe if they cme ff the track.
I'll need Big Chris's help, t.
Big Chris? 
Cme in, Big Chris.
Are yu receiving me?
Oh, n!
The walkie-talkie's nt wrking.
It isn't charged up! 
I must have frgtten t switch the charger n last night.
D nt wrry, Marsha.
But I need t be in tuch with Big Chris.
Hw can I d a track check withut a walkie-talkie?
I think...
I can help.
Er... 
Oh!
- Yay! 
And Rary takes the lead!
- Nt fr ing, bambin!
- Wha...?
- What's wrng, Rary?
Spark plugs in his tea?
I'm fine!
There's nthing wrng! 
(Spluttering)
Oh, nw lk. 
This bard's brken.
That culd be really dangerus if the wind caught it.
I'll tell Big Chris.
Where's my walkie-talkie?
Oh! 
I've nly gne and left it charging in my ffice.
Oh, Flash, culd yu g and ask Big Chris t bring a hammer and nails, please?
Wahey! 
Flash t the rescue!
Ha ha ha!
G n, g n, g n! 
Oh, well dne, Maxi!
Never mind, Rary.
- Ow!
- Oi, yu reckless rabbit!
This is a pit stp, nt a skatebard park.
Cme n, get ut, I'm wrking.
Y u can't send me away. 
I've gt tw imprtant messages frm Marsha.
She wants yu t bring, um...things.
- What things?
- Um...
- Was it a spanner?
- N.
- Oil?
- N.
- A screwdriver?
- N.
Oh, I'll talk t her myself. 
Where is she?
Marsha?
Marsh...? 
Oh. 
Hw d yu wrk this?
- Marsha? 
Are yu receiving me?
- (Walkie-talkie crackling)
Oh, there's n answer.
What was the ther message?
Oh, yes. 
Her walkie-talkie's nt wrking.
Very funny! 
Well, where is she, then?
Fllw me.
Hiya, Marsha, ive.
Where's yur walkie-talkie?
It's back at the marshal pst being charged up. 
Nw...
Hw cme? 
Y u nrmally charge it up vernight, ive.
Oh, I see. 
Y u frgt!
Well, I never. 
H-h-h-h!
Everyne frgets things nw and then.
Well, I never.
Here's what I d.
I get me hanky and I tie a knt in the crner.
That reminds me nt t frget.
Yes, very funny, Big Chris.
Nw, just yu hammer that lse bard dwn, please.
Oh, n. 
Flash thught yu wanted a wrench.
He said smething had cme lse.
Oh... 
Flash must dash!
This is why I need my walkie-talkie.
Dn't wrry, Marsha, I'll send Rary and Cici.
They can be yur messengers tday.
Hm. 
Better fetch me hammer and nails.
S, tell me, wh wn?
I'll give yu a clue.
Lk ut fr the winner's winning smile.
I wasn't far behind! 
(Splutters )
Oh! 
Are yu OK, Rary?
I must have swallwed a bug r smething.
Rary, Cici. 
Marsha's waiting fr yu at Carburettr Crner.
She needs yur help.
Right away, Big Chris. 
Cme n, Cici!
Race yu!
- (Crashing) 
- Eh? 
What was that?
Was it smething I said?
(Muffled) Help! 
Help!
- Help! 
Help!
- Oh, n! 
What the...?
Mlecm, yu shuldn't climb in bins.
That's very dangerus, sn.
Srry, Big Chris.
Can I take these empty il cans, please?
- If yu like. 
What are they fr?
- Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Y u'll have t wait and see.
- Ohh!
- Mind the paintwrk.
- Srry, Plugger.
- N prblem, little buddy.
Oh...
Marsha, there's a gap in the tyre wall.
Oh! 
Well sptted, Rary.
I'll tell Big Chris.
Oh! 
N walkie-talkie.
We'll fetch sme tyres fr yu.
Cme n, Rary.
(Rary spluttering)
(Tyres screeching)
(Bth giggling)
(Spluttering)
Are yu OK, Rary?
I'm fine, Cici!
Stp asking me.
I dn't think yu are.
I'll prve it, then.
Light 'em up!
Watch ut, Rary!
- (Crash!
) 
- Rary! 
Oh, lk at yu!
Y u're verheating.
I'll call Big Chris and Plugger.
Uh... 
Oh! 
N walkie-talkie!
Dn't wrry, I'll g and get them.
Oh! 
Marsha, I have slved yur prblem.
Nw, if yu take ne can and Big Chris takes the ther, yu can use them as a walkie-talkie.
It's a nice idea but there's nt nearly enugh rpe t stretch acrss Silver Hatch.
Hang n, thugh. 
Y u've given me an idea.
- Wha!
- (Thud)
Huh? 
Oh!
This water will help until we can fill yu up prperly back at the wrkshp.
Wh! 
I was s thirsty!
- H-Help!
- Beep beep!
Erm... 
I dn't knw hw t say this, Rary.
I frgt t fill up yur radiatr with water.
Y u must have been feeling thirsty all day.
- I'm s srry.
- That's OK, Big Chris.
Listen, will yu prmise me smething?
Next time there's smething wrng, will yu tell me?
Per-rmise!
(Molecom ) Er, testing... 
Testing.
Marsha's walkie-talkie is wrking nce again, s I'd just like t say, I hpe yu're feeling better sn, Rary.
(Laughs ) Thanks, everyne.
Remember, speak up when yu've gt a prblem, OK?
And Marsha, if yu like, I culd call yu at the end f every day t remind yu t put yur walkie-talkie n charge.
(Marsha ) Thanks, Chris.
Oh, and I culd remind yu t fill up Rary's radiatr in future.
- (Laughter) 
- All right, all right.
Although it was a day of forgetting, it was actually a day to remember.
Roary learnt how important it was to speak up if something's not quite right.
# Roary
# Roary
# Roary, the racing car #
# I love that car
# My number one star
# At the Silver Hatch in his little white cap
# Come on, Roary
# One more lap!
# Roary, the racing car
# Roary, my number one star
# He's coming to the line
# Looking real fine
# Watch out, Roary, they're right behind you
# Come on!
# Roary, the racing car
# Roary, my number one star
# Roary, the racing car #
It was another lovely day at Silver Hatch racetrack.
Roary and Drifter were having fun racing around the track.
- (Engine grunts, electricity crackling) 
- Oh! 
Aah!
Oh, n! 
Drifter, are yu OK?
Oh, yes, just a few bumps and scratches, Rary, but I dn't think my electrics are wrking very well.
Dn't wrry. 
I'm sure Big Chris will have yu back t nrmal in n time.
I'll g and get him.
- Hey, hey, listen t this ne, Marsha.
- ( # Cuntry and western )
# I'm a lucky guy, I really ive the things I d
# I gt a real gd jb and that's the truth, yeeha!
- (Music wbbles, crackling) - # Nthin' seems... #
- Oh, heck. 
Oh, heck!
- (Feedback)
Me karake machine! 
It's n the blink again, it's always happening.
Here, where's me spanner?
Pass me that, pass me that.
This usually wrks. 
Here, watch this.
(Clang!
)
Oh, n. 
Oh, it's all cme ut.
Oh, sunds like I've well and truly dne it this time, haven't I?
N, it's sht, it's had its day.
It must be. 
I'll tell yu what it is -
I tk it dwn t Big Barry's last week and he says I need a new micrchip.
Where can yu get them frm?
I need a micrchip t get the thing wrking.
The battered ld thing is a wreck, the electrics have gne.
I'll have t dump my little friend n the scrapheap.
Yeah, pr ld thing's n its last legs.
I knw it's sad, but, yu knw, it's time t say gdbye and mve n, Big Chris.
- Huh?
- (Marsha ) Lks like this ne's had its last day in the wrkshp, eh?
But-But they can't talk abut Drifter like that.
He-He's my friend.
Oh, n, if I tell them Drifter's had a crash it'll make things even wrse fr him.
I'll get Plugger t help instead.
They can't put Drifter n the scrapheap, I wn't let them!
- (Rary ) Plugger!
- Oh!
- Plugger! 
Y u've gt t help me!
- What's up, Rary?
I-I heard Big Chris and Marsha talking abut Drifter.
They're ging t put him n the scrapheap.
N way! 
What can I d t help?
Drifter crashed when we were racing, and we need t get him up and running again.
Lse the sad face, Plugger's n the case.
Y u tw tk yur time.
Where is Big Chris?
I culdn't find Big Chris, s we'll get yu back t the wrkshp urselves.
- Wn't we, Plugger?
- Yeah, we'll srt yu ut, Drifter.
But what abut my electrics?
I need Big Chris t check them ut.
There's n need t bther him with all that.
- (Flash) Aah-aahh!
- I'm sure we'll manage.
What's happened here, then? 
Did yu and yur fancy engine have truble with the crner?
Oh, very funny, Flash.
(Whispering)
(Gasps ) N!
- That is bang ut f rder.
- (Rary ) Shh!
Huh? 
What are yu tw whispering abut?
Oh, I was just telling Rary yu dn't need t g t the wrkshp t get fixed.
There's lads f tls in my burrw.
And Mlecm's a whizz with engines and electrnics.
- Aren't ya?
- Am I?
Well, I'll, er...
I'll have a g.
Cme n, then. 
Let's get t wrk.
(Whispering)
Oh? 
Well, that is terrible.
Hey, Rary and Drifter shuld be back by nw.
I wnder where they've gt t. 
Plugger!
Plugger, I need yu t check the track t see if yu can find Rary and Drifter.
Are yu receiving me? 
Are yu there, Plugger?
Oh, heck. 
I can't get thrugh t him.
Cici, Maxi, Tin Tp, g and fetch Rary and Drifter.
See where Plugger's gt t, an' all. 
G n.
Right, my little karake friend, let's have anther try at fixing yu.
Sure I can get yu ging again.
Oh, I need a micrchip, that's what I need.
Where am I gnna get ne f them frm?
Oh, careful, Mlecm.
My electrics are very sensitive.
This had better wrk, therwise it will definitely be Drifter's last day.
Oh!
(Cici) Allé, Rary!
Big Chris sent us ut t find yu.
And I dn't think he'll be t happy t see Mlecm wrking n Drifter's engine like that.
Shhh! 
Dn't let Drifter hear yu.
- Why nt?
- Shhh!
- (Whispering) - (Gasping)
- What?
- S we have t make sure
Drifter is wrking perfectly and desn't get sent t the scrapheap.
Wh-What can we d?
First we have t fix Drifter's engine.
Yeah, yeah, and then we culd have a special race where Drifter wins!
Hey, great idea, Tin Tp!
Ah, we'll make sure it's Drifter's best race yet.
Oh, where's everyne gt t?
Surely they've fund Rary and Drifter by nw.
What's ging n?
Er, right, I think that's it.
Let's hear yu, Drifter.
(Engine raring, rattling)
Er, there's a, er, little bit f a rattle, er, but ther than that it sunds pretty gd t me.
Thank yu, Mlecm.
Cme n, then, Drifter - race yu.
Shw Big Chris what yu're made f, Drifter.
Hey? 
Oh, OK.
G, g, g, nitr bst!
(Rary ) Oh, ww!
(Big Chris ) Wha, lk at him g!
Hray! 
Get in there, sunshine!
Hey!
- Gd race, Drifter. 
Fantastic finish.
- (Engine rattling)
But what's that funny rattling nise cming frm inside yur engine, sn?
It's nthing! 
I mean, he-he's wrking fine.
Aren't yu, Drifter?
Y u can't thrw Drifter n the scrapheap, Big Chris, yu just can't!
Scrapheap? 
What are yu talking abut, Rary?
- Mama mia, n!
- Please, Big Chris! 
He's ur friend!
And a mighty fine racing car t.
Y u can't thrw him n the scrapheap.
Eh? 
Wh said anything abut chucking Drifter n the scrapheap?
Y u did! 
I heard yu talking t Marsha in the wrkshp.
Y u said it wuld be Drifter's last day.
Huh? 
This is my last day?
- (Big Chris laughs ) 
- Y u said that?
I'm ging t be thrwn n the scrapheap?
It wasn't Drifter I was talking abut, silly.
It was me karake machine!
Y u see, the micrchip's brken and I'm sad t get rid f it.
I'll never get rid f Drifter.
He's ne f the family.
Cme here, Drifter.
Let's have a lk inside yur engine.
A lse micrchip.
Well, where's that cme frm?
Well, I, er... 
I had an accident and Mlecm helped fix me.
Oh, er, I must have, er...
missed a bit.
Well, I never!
Y u knw, this micrchip, this is just what I need fr my karake machine.
Oh, well dne, Mlecm. 
And Drifter. (Giggles )
Everyone cheered, happy that it wasn't Drifter's last day and that no one would be going to the scrapheap after all.
( # Cuntry and western )
# I'm a lucky guy, I really ive the things I d
# I gt a real gd jb and that's the truth, yeeha!
# Nthing seems t matter when I'm ut there checking time
# I watch the line, have a real gd time
# I watch the line, have a real gd time
# I watch the line #
Oh, yeah, yeeha!
I sure d. 
Wh-h!
# Roary
# Roary
# Roary, the racing car #
# I love that car
# My number one star
# At the Silver Hatch in his little white cap
# Come on, Roary
# One more lap!
# Roary, the racing car
# Roary, my number one star
# He's coming to the line
# Looking real fine
# Watch out, Roary, they're right behind you
# Come on!
# Roary, the racing car
# Roary, my number one star
# Roary, the racing car #
It was a hot summer's day at Silver Hatch racetrack.
Farmer Green was busy loading up hay bales when suddenly...
FB rushed into the field looking very hot and bothered.
Farmer Green, Farmer Green, there's rubbish all ver the beach.
Paper and - and plastic bttles and metal cans.
Oh! 
Thse thughtless hlidaymakers.
Why dn't they take their rubbish hme with them?
We shuld g and clean it up right away.
It's dirty and nbdy can play there.
'Ey up.
Wait a secnd. 
We can't g right nw, FB.
N. We've gt t take these hay bales back t the farm.
And then we've gt t drp ff sme rapeseed fuel at Silver Hatch.
But - but I...
Lk, we'll g t the beach just as sn as we can, FB.
# I'm a lucky guy
# I really ive the things I d
# I've gt a real gd jb and that's the truth
Yeeha!
# Nthing seems t matter when I'm ut there checking time
# I watch the line
# Have a real gd time
Oh, yeah. 
Oh, I tell yu what, it's quiet in here withut Maxi.
Where is Maxi, Big Chris?
Marsha's testing his new brakes, Rary.
Ha, ha, ha. 
It's speed-racing that Maxi likes best, nt braking.
Yeah, well, everybdy's gtta stp smetime, Cici.
- Yes!
- # I watch the line
# Have a real gd time
# I watch the line
Oh, n. 
What's the matter with this thing nw?
What's wrng with yur karake machine, Big Chris?
It's a bit like me, Rary. 
It's getting ld.
Seen better days.
Past its sell-by date.
Ahem.
Where is that plastic bttle yu were playing with, Rary?
Huh? 
I dunn.
Y u shuld find it and put it in the dustbin.
Cici's right, Rary.
I dn't want any litterbugs in my wrkshp.
What is a litterbug, Big Chris?
Smebdy wh dumps their rubbish and desn't care abut the mess they make.
Well, I'm nt a litterbug.
Oh, yeah!
Keep Silver Hatch tidy.
Exactly.
Wh is this strange-lking man, Big Chris?
Wh? 
What?
That...is Silver Beard the pirate, Cici.
He sailed away t a treasure island where he dug up a chest full f silver and gld.
Oh, la-la.
He must have been the richest persn in the wrld.
What wuld yu d if yu were rich, Big Chris?
I'll tell yu what I'd d, I'd buy a new karake machine fr a start.
What... 
Oh, cme n.
What is wrng with this thing?
Hi, Drifter. 
Hi, Tin Tp.
Guess what? 
I'm ging t the seaside t dig fr treasure.
And when I find it, I'm ging t buy Big Chris a new karake machine.
Dig fr treasure.
Very gd idea, Rary.
Best I cme alng t, make sure yu guys dn't get int any truble.
Cme n! 
Race yu.
Ha, ha!
- (Rary gasps ) 
- Ha, ha, ha.
What a nisy lt.
Can we g t the beach nw?
- Please.
- Oh.
I prmise we'll g just as sn as we can, FB.
We've still gt the fuel t deliver first.
Nw cme n.
Oh.
Ah. 
Oh.
This is a terrible mess.
Sme fiks just have n respect.
We can't leave ur beautiful beach like this.
We've gt t clean it up.
Cme n.
Right n, Rary. 
I'm with yu n that.
Ah.
The perfect jb fr my magnet.
Oh!
Ha! 
Naughty litterbugs.
D that there.
Dne. 
Right, Cici, yu're all set t g.
Which is mre than can be said fr this thing.
Big Chris, where did the ther cars g?
What's ging n? 
Where have they all gne?
Hey. 
Nw we can dig fr treasure!
- Oh.
- Rary. 
Rary. 
Where's he gne?
Wha...?
Yes! 
I've fund smething.
A flip-flp. 
Ha, ha, ha.
I d nt call that treasure.
I call it rubbish.
Hell, Farmer Green.
I dn't suppse yu've bumped int Rary, Tin Tp and Drifter n yur travels, have yu?
Oh.
Can't say that I have, Big Chris.
Er, did I hear yu menting that yu have a number f racing cars missing?
- D yu knw where they are, Mlecm?
- Er, I saw yung Rary and friends speeding past Dinkie's crner.
They lked as if they were headed fr the beach.
Oh, dear.
FB tld me the beach is in n state t play n.
It's cvered in litter and all srts f rubbish.
We shuld have tidied it up first thing this mrning.
H, h! 
Treasure at last.
Oh.
Just an ilcan.
The beach!
It's clean.
Sptless. 
Heh, heh.
It was cvered with rubbish, but me, Drifter and Tin Tp tidied it up.
Plastic bttles, metal cans, wastepaper, all ready fr yu t recycle, Farmer Green.
Y u've dne a fantastic jb.
Well dne, bys.
Yeah. 
Prper jb.
Hld n, hid n.
Let's nt get t carried away.
Wh gave yu permissin t slip away frm Silver Hatch?
Srry, Big Chris, but we came t help Rary dig fr treasure.
Srry, Big Chris.
I wanted t find a chest full f gld like the pirate in yur stry.
Then I was gnna buy yu a new karake machine, Big Chris.
But all we dug up was rubbish.
Nt all rubbish, Drifter. 
See that flip-flp?
I lst that last time I was at the beach.
And that bucket...
Well, I culd use that when I drain the il ut f yur engines.
Ha!
And as fr this ilcan, that's exactly what I need.
Really, Big Chris?
Yeah. 
Y u see, it might nt be treasure t yu, Rary, but it is t me.
S everyne is very happy and cntented.
Hmm. 
N.
I wish I culd buy Big Chris a new karake machine.
Oh, that's very nice f yu, Rary, but dn't wrry, I've sent the ld ne ff t the menders.
Anyway, wh needs a machine when yu're brn with a vice like mine?
Tw, three, fur.
# I'm...
# I'm a lucky guy
# I really ive the things I d
# I gt a real gd jb and that's the truth
# And nthing seems t matter when I'm checking the time
# I watch the line
# Have a real gd time
Here we g.
# Whping and a-lping and a-spinning and a-winning
# Mving and a-grving and a-hting and a-weaving
# Everybdy knws I'm ut there keeping time
# Crssing and a-ddging and a-ducking and a-diving
# Screeching and a-beeping and a-raring and a-driving
# Everybdy knws I'm ut here keeping time
# I watch the line
# Have a real gd time, yeeha! 
#
Roary discovered that treasure comes in all shapes and sizes, and Big Chris had an unexpected afternoon at the seaside.
Oh!
'Ey. 
Less f the beak, yu.
(Seagull twitters )
Nw that is bang ut f rder.
# Roary!
# Roary
# Roary, the racing car #
lucky guy, I really love the th!
ngs I do guy, I really love the th!
ngs I do I'm a lucky guy, I really love the th!
ngs I do really love the th!
ngs I do I'm a lucky guy, I really I'm a lucky guy, I really love I'm a lucky guy, I really love the th!
ngs I'm a lucky guy, I really love the th!
ngs I do a real good job and that's the truth, yeeha!
real good job and that's the truth, yeeha!
good job and that's the truth, yeeha!
job and that's the truth, yeeha!
Got a real good job and that's the truth, yeeha!
Got a real good job and
Got a real good job and that's
Got a real good job and that's the
Got a real good job and that's the truth,
Got a real good job and that's the truth, yeeha!
seems to matter when I'm out there check!
ng t!
me to matter when I'm out there check!
ng t!
me matter when I'm out there check!
ng t!
me
Noth!
ng seems to matter when I'm out there check!
ng t!
me
Noth!
ng seems to matter when
Noth!
ng seems to matter when I'm
Noth!
ng seems to matter when I'm out
Noth!
ng seems to matter when I'm out there
Noth!
ng seems to matter when I'm out there check!
ng
Noth!
ng seems to matter when I'm out there check!
ng t!
me watch the I!
ne, have a real good t!
me the I!
ne, have a real good t!
me I!
ne, have a real good t!
me I watch the I!
ne, I watch the I!
ne, have I watch the I!
ne, have a real I watch the I!
ne, have a real good I watch the I!
ne, have a real good t!
me watch the I!
ne l watch I watch the I watch the I!
ne a real good t!
me real good t!
me
Have a real
Have a real good
Have a real good t!
me watch the I!
ne l watch I watch the I watch the I!
ne yeah! 
Yeeha!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah! 
Yeeha!
lucky guy, I really love the th!
ngs I do guy, I really love the th!
ngs I do I'm a lucky guy, I really love the th!
ngs I do really love the th!
ngs I do I'm a lucky guy, I really I'm a lucky guy, I really love I'm a lucky guy, I really love the th!
ngs I'm a lucky guy, I really love the th!
ngs I do a real good job and that's the truth, yeeha!
real good job and that's the truth, yeeha!
good job and that's the truth, yeeha!
job and that's the truth, yeeha!
Got a real good job and that's the truth, yeeha!
Got a real good job and
Got a real good job and that's
Got a real good job and that's the
Got a real good job and that's the truth,
Got a real good job and that's the truth, yeeha!
seems to matter when I'm out there check!
ng t!
me to matter when I'm out there check!
ng t!
me matter when I'm out there check!
ng t!
me
Noth!
ng seems to matter when I'm out there check!
ng t!
me
Noth!
ng seems to matter when
Noth!
ng seems to matter when I'm
Noth!
ng seems to matter when I'm out
Noth!
ng seems to matter when I'm out there
Noth!
ng seems to matter when I'm out there check!
ng
Noth!
ng seems to matter when I'm out there check!
ng t!
me watch the I!
ne, have a real good t!
me the I!
ne, have a real good t!
me I!
ne, have a real good t!
me I watch the I!
ne, I watch the I!
ne, have I watch the I!
ne, have a real I watch the I!
ne, have a real good I watch the I!
ne, have a real good t!
me watch the I!
ne l watch I watch the I watch the I!
ne a real good t!
me real good t!
me
Have a real
Have a real good
Have a real good t!
me watch the I!
ne l watch I watch the I watch the I!
ne yeah! 
Yeeha!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah! 
Yeeha!
you follow your dream follow your dream
When you follow
When you follow your
When you follow your dream w!
ll know how !
t feels know how !
t feels
You w!
ll know
You w!
ll know how
You w!
ll know how !
t
You w!
ll know how !
t feels be happy !
n that spec!
al way happy !
n that spec!
al way
To be happy
To be happy !
n
To be happy !
n that
To be happy !
n that spec!
al
To be happy !
n that spec!
al way always followed my dream followed my dream I've always followed I've always followed my I've always followed my dream my fr!
ends there for me fr!
ends there for me
W!
th my fr!
ends
W!
th my fr!
ends there
W!
th my fr!
ends there for
W!
th my fr!
ends there for me my cars and my beaut!
ful track cars and my beaut!
ful track and my beaut!
ful track
All my cars and
All my cars and my
All my cars and my beaut!
ful
All my cars and my beaut!
ful track
Yeah!
the S!
lver Hatch, I know where l'm at
S!
lver Hatch, I know where l'm at
Hatch, I know where l'm at
At the S!
lver Hatch,
At the S!
lver Hatch, I know
At the S!
lver Hatch, I know where
At the S!
lver Hatch, I know where l'm
At the S!
lver Hatch, I know where l'm at I know where l wanna be!
know where l wanna be!
where l wanna be!
And I know where
And I know where l wanna
And I know where l wanna be!
you follow your dreams follow your dreams
When you follow
When you follow your
When you follow your dreams w!
ll know how !
t feels know how !
t feels
You w!
ll know
You w!
ll know how
You w!
ll know how !
t
You w!
ll know how !
t feels be happy !
n that spec!
al way happy !
n that spec!
al way
To be happy
To be happy !
n
To be happy !
n that
To be happy !
n that spec!
al
To be happy !
n that spec!
al way

I told you I don't have time to wait.
What is this?
Do you have any idea? 
What's going on?
I know, honey, I'm on my way, okay?
Hi. 
I need to check your bag.
Right this way.
Come on, let's go. 
Get out of the way, now.
Hold it!
Please take the ticket.
Please take the ticket.
Please take the ticket.
Come on! 
Get in there!
Please insert card.
Please insert card.
Please insert card.
Please insert card.
I can't follow you guys. 
You drive too slow.
Bernie. 
Hey.
- Sad, huh?
- Tragic.
- Poor Jocelyn.
- It's ridiculous.
- Daniel, he was her world.
- Hold up. 
Cat hair.
Oh, that's why I never wear black.
Don't even look in the mirror anymore.
Should've thought of it years ago.
We celebrate a very special life as we lay to rest Jocelyn's cherished companion, Pridey Sahara Morgan.
Honey, we have to stay.
She raised him from a puppy.
All I know is that if I'm not back in the office this afternoon,
Monday is gonna be hell.
She went to every one of Allegra's birthday parties.
Oh, come on. 
Allegra is our actual child.
Let's get some perspective here.
Do you think if Jocelyn were married with kids she'd be giving her dog a state funeral?
This whole thing is warped.
- I find that personally offensive, Dad.
- What?
I mean, I may never be married or be a mother.
Yes, some gay women get some version of that, but we don't all need the same things.
Can we at least agree that human beings need human connection?
You know, companionship, conversation, sex.
You get those things from Mom.
Jocelyn gets them from her dogs.
Can I take your car?
Dad had to go.
We can't let Jocelyn sit home and brood.
Maybe we could all take a class.
Learn Portuguese. 
Go to Brazil.
I don't think I could fit one more thing in my week, honestly.
No, no, you're right. 
You're right.
We should make an effort.
She just lives so far away from everything.
Give it back, Trey.
Come on. 
Give it back.
See ya.
Thanks. 
Take care.
Hi.
- Trey. 
Yeah.
- Trey.
Lovers' Guide to Paris.
Food Lovers' Guide.
We're gonna go to Paris. 
My husband and I.
It's his first time in Paris. 
Mine, too.
- It's a business trip for him.
- Really?
They fly him business class.
So we're just gonna do an exchange so that I can tag along.
- That's pretty thrifty.
- Yeah.
I've never been to France. 
I mean...
I've been to Québec. 
But that's...
- It's not in... 
It's in... 
Okay.
- No.
Do you want me to help you carry these to your car?
- No.
- Okay.
- Well, have fun.
- Okay.
Send me a postcard.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Honey, I'm sorry I'm late.
I stopped to buy us a present.
Oh, yeah. 
What do you got?
- What?
- Oh, baby. 
I'm sorry.
I thought I said something.
- Yo, jeez, these guys are terrible.
- What?
Been like this all game. 
This one guy...
Paris is off.
- We're not going to Paris?
- Dale's going.
My boss-boss asked me to take the CEO of Consolidated to the NBA playoffs.
I guess the guys at Consolidated are like basketball freaks.
But if it's San Antonio, it'll be over in four.
Unless Tim Duncan gets hit with an asteroid or something.
Anyway, figure I'll be on the road for like a week, maybe eight days.
Maybe 10, just depending on...
Oh, what if your mom came and stayed?
Ten days with my mother?
Prudie.
What, did you want me to say no to my boss?
Always doing something wrong, you know?
I have no idea what I did.
I genuinely have no idea.
I was just thinking about something Allegra said at Jocelyn's the other day.
I don't know if it was just the sadness of the occasion, or...
- Oh, don't make fun, Daniel.
- No, I'm not, I'm not.
- That was her dog.
- No.
I'm saying it affected me.
- Come on.
- Okay, honey. 
Whatever you say.
Anyway, so Allegra and I are talking about how we all need to have
connection, you know?
Conversation. 
Sex.
Companionship.
And Allegra says, "Well, you get all that from Mommy."
I gotta tell you, it really made me sad.
Oh, baby, she'll find somebody.
No, it made me sad for us.
See, 'cause I've been struggling with whether a marriage can sustain all of that
over 20-plus years, or whether it's just inevitable that after a certain amount of time...
What are you...
Maybe being with someone else can have a renewing effect, because for me...
I've been seeing a woman at work.
We've been together six months now.
We can't think of this as a failure.
We have had a very successful marriage.
We've had a long marriage, by any standard.
We've got three wonderful kids.
They're grown, they're working, they're...
Just open the car door, Daniel, I need a tissue.
The kids, that's... 
That's all you.
You know, you...
You made all the sacrifices with that.
I know.
But there's a logic to us quitting while we're ahead.
And I think that they'll be able to see that.
I don't understand a single word of what you're saying, Daniel.
Who is this woman?
Look, I'm tired of lying to you.
I'm tired of making promises to Pam that I can't keep.
She deserves better. 
And so do you.
And I won't give her up.
That's non-negotiable.
Syl.
I really like Edmund in this movie.
Have you seen it?
I love this movie.
Oh, I like it, but it's not Mansfield Park.
It's more of an interpretation.
- Do you know the book?
- Yes.
And I happen to teach film.
- Do you like this movie?
- No.
Do you know it mixes up Fanny Price with the author of the book?
Makes Sir Bertram some kind of slave owner.
Well, it means well.
And a little Jane Austen's better than none at all.
No. 
No. 
No.
That is how I talk myself into everything.
I'm married to a man who would cancel our trip to Paris for a basketball game, which is making me a fraud in front of my students.
A French teacher who's never been to France?
The screenplay is outstanding.
Excuse me. 
I'd like to talk to you.
Come with me.
You seem to know a lot about Jane Austen.
I do.
You know, Prudie, I've been married six times.
You're always happy at first.
It's how you feel at the end that counts.
I've been thinking, I'd like to get married again, maybe just once more.
My favorite was Ben Weinberg.
And this is Ben.
He produced Fred Astaire movies.
Don't underestimate older men.
We lived in a house in Beverly Hills that had a little pond and a bridge and goldfish.
That's how I met my friend Jocelyn.
- Carlos.
- My pleasure.
Ben was her godfather. 
Her family's loaded.
Who's Jocelyn again?
The one I wanna start the book club for.
Lost her dog?
Eat. 
So, book club.
I can get Jocelyn and maybe Sylvia.
Jocelyn put Sylvia and Daniel together in high school.
They've been together ever since.
Though Sylvia's gonna want Daniel in the book club, but I think it should be all women.
Don't you?
I mean, men, they pontificate and no one can get a word in edgewise.
- Well, I think if you...
- And women won't butt in, but men, they keep monologuing.
Yammer, yammer, yammer.
And we keep listening, protecting their feelings.
- But if...
- And men don't do book clubs.
Women want to share, but men, they hoard what they read, if they crack open a book.
Does your husband read?
He reads stuff online.
You know, it's gonna be like extracting teeth to get Sylvia, because she has to read so much already.
She works at the state library. 
But, oh!
Hey, no. 
Okay.
Now, this is brilliant.
We'll only do books we've already read.
Is that inspired?
How do we know what books all of us have read?
Isn't it obvious?
Mansfield Park, Pride and Prejudice, Emma, Northanger Abbey, Persuasion.
- I'm leaving some...
- Sense and Sensibility.
And Sense and Sensibility.
It's been three years since I've read Sense and Sensibility.
I have to pee.
When I get back, hot water and lemon.
And we still have to think of two more people.
Six novels, six people.
We'll each be responsible for one book.
All Jane Austen, all the time!
It's the perfect antidote.
- To what?
- To life.
I get Pride and Prejudice.
I called the library and said you had bronchitis.
Anne Marie's moving your indigenous peoples meeting to next week.
I should go in.
Pam Gower did her law degree at Bolt, passed the bar in 2002.
She's an infant.
She joined the firm of Perry, Liebman, Avila in 2006.
Says here she was divorced in 2005.
Bitch. 
She went right for Daniel.
She's 45.
She's not even young.
- Do you think he has a brain tumor?
- I think he fell in love.
Well, I'm rooting for the brain tumor.
People our age don't fall in love.
I mean, I've never even been in love.
- You've never been in love?
- I've had sexual partners.
I mean, I don't know.
I wouldn't mind falling in love, but it just all seems like fiction to me, anyway.
Well, for a fiction, he just threw 20 years of marriage away on an impulse.
Do you think he was thinking, the whole time,
"I can't wait to get out of here?"
- Am I really that uninteresting?
- No.
- I can't believe I'm alone at this age.
- Mom, you're not alone.
And listen to me.
Alone's not the end of the world.
For as many years as you've been married I've been quite happily unmarried.
It's just so unfair.
He can start his life over again.
And at this age.
You know, men can do that.
Women... 
It's over.
You're beautiful, Mommy.
Yes, and accomplished and interesting.
You're not without your options, Sylvia.
Daniel's the one with options.
He can sleep with anyone.
Twenty-year-olds.
People will say, "Way to go, Daniel."
If I tried to sleep with someone that age, it'd be pathetic.
Well, yeah, that's 'cause guys my age are lame.
- My body will become a museum.
- No, it won't.
We'll get you a membership to my gym.
You might even meet somebody.
I don't wanna meet someone.
I wanna pull the covers over my head and read novels.
And eat.
I'm starving.
Allegra, mija, go get me a dozen eggs.
- I'm gonna make a flan.
- Okay.
Can you stay with her this weekend?
- Actually, I'm moving back in.
- Really?
My lease is almost up and, you know, I won't let her be here alone.
Oh, sweetie, that's... 
Thank you.
You're amazing.
See, that's why people have children.
My father left my mom when I was 10.
Sylvia was the first person I told.
That's when I knew we were really best friends.
I'm gonna be at Stockton at the Breeders' Convention, if you need me, okay?
- Are you here for the Buffy conference?
- Oh, no.
Excuse me.
My dog has the same exact collar.
- She was invisible.
- What?
It's a game. 
They're vampires.
When you see one of them with their arms crossed like that, you should pretend you don't see her.
That's why she didn't answer you.
Nothing personal.
Thanks.
- My name's Grigg.
- Greg?
Grigg, G-R-l-G-G.
Oh. 
I'm meeting some people, Grigg.
Okay.
Can I have a whiskey straight up?
Excuse me. 
Could I apologize? 
I'm Jocelyn.
Your friend isn't coming?
I'm meeting him a little later.
So how do you know so much about the "faux vampire" scene?
That's funny. 
Well, it's...
I'm here for a sci-fi conference.
So the Buffy contingent is a kind of, you know, offshoot of that.
Yeah. 
You read much science fiction?
I'm more of a Jane Austen, Jane Eyre kind of girl.
Oh, right, yeah. 
No, I never really...
Read those books? 
Yeah. 
Yeah.
So, where do you live?
I just relocated to the Sacramento area.
I do tech support at U.
You know who you might like?
Ursula Le Guin.
Left Hand of Darkness. 
Lathe of Heaven.
She's science fiction but she's just a terrific writer.
- Have to check her out.
- Yeah.
My sisters love those books.
I really think you might like them.
And I'm willing to be directed as well.
Seriously, you know, if you tell me who I should be reading,
I promise to read it.
I'll give you my email.
That's the old one.
I'll write those books, too.
You know what I'm actually wondering before I go?
How do you feel about older women?
Great. 
Yeah.
I have three older sisters, so...
You know, I like all women.
Good. 
That's great.
- Well, thanks. 
I'll be in touch.
- Oh, okay.
Great.
- Yeah, bye.
- Bye.
Oh, good, Prudie, you're here.
Save these tables, okay?
Oh, Jocelyn, Prudie.
- Hi, how are you?
- Hello. 
Good.
- So what do you want, Prudie?
- A soy cappuccino.
I have to be allowed to miss one meeting out of the six.
I can only do this if there's no pressure.
- Hey. 
Mom's looking for parking.
- Hi.
That's Prudie. 
Say hi.
We're still only five. 
Too bad about Daniel.
He could've filled in, although clearly he's never read Jane Austen.
For Prudie's sake, the last thing we need is an Austen virgin.
We need real discussion.
I sort of invited someone.
Said he might come, maybe.
- He?
- No one I'm interested in.
He's young, compliant, said he might enjoy being in a book club.
I'm sure Daniel's read Jane Austen.
No man who reads Austen would ever dump his wife because it's better for the other woman.
Chai latte with a shot.
I'm so sorry. 
I'm really behind.
I got slammed with orders on my website.
I've actually... 
I've started adding these little dangles at the top here.
- What do you think?
- I'm no judge.
I mean, my idea of jewelry is Coco Chanel's Byzantine oeuvre from the 1920s.
Oh! 
Definitely. 
Yeah, I get that.
Being the only child of a woman who gave birth in a commune after changing her name to Sky Girl, I've come to loathe hippie handicrafts.
There she is.
Actually, I'm not so sure I wanna do this book club.
So, quick, while Sylvia's still in line, how she's doing without Daniel?
She's still stuck in the wounded stage.
- When she's ready for anger, I am so there.
- Me, too.
My dad left my mom.
Prudie is no stranger to marital disappointment.
Actually, we're fine now.
You're married? 
But no ring, huh?
Yeah, it's this hand, and... 
I teach French.
You teach French, so you wear your wedding ring on the right hand?
- It's a European custom.
- Are you European?
So Prudie, you haven't said which book you wanna be responsible for.
Maybe Persuasion.
'Cause I'm increasingly drawn to its elegiac tone.
- Don't think I'm doing the book club.
- You're doing it.
You lead one discussion. 
Pick a book.
Well, I just saw Sense and Sensibility, and I think, since I'm back living with my mom,
I really get that whole two-women, tight-relationship, living-together- but-really-opposites thing.
Is it weird living back at home again?
I think what Austen is actually writing about is two sisters, moving separately toward what they each believe to be a perfect love.
Okay, but the point is Marianne and Elinor's relationship...
Maybe if you'd read the book instead of watching the movie...
- I thought I might do Emma.
- Which leaves what for Sylvia?
Northanger Abbey and Mansfield Park.
Which one's gonna make her feel better?
Because we're only doing the book club to get her mind off Daniel.
I thought the reason for the book club was for my not going to Paris.
- Exactly.
- Northanger Abbey.
No, don't make her do Northanger.
I mean, first you're going off to all these dances, and then suddenly it's sort of like Nightmare on Northanger Abbey Street.
I'm afraid this isn't the book club that I had in mind.
I mean, I find when someone in the group feels superior to the author, it just... 
It sets the wrong tone.
Okay, I'm happy to leave.
- No, Allegra. 
No. 
Allegra. 
No.
- Allegra, you can't. 
You can't.
After this day, I am so happy to be talking about Jane Austen.
- Hi.
- Hi. 
Did we choose the books yet?
Sylvia, Prudie.
Oh, I'm sorry. 
Sylvia Avila.
- So, how do you feel about Mansfield Park?
- My favorite.
- I love Fanny Price.
- Stop, Mom, why?
She's such a goodie-goodie.
Six books, five people.
We skip Northanger Abbey.
- Definitely.
- And miss out on Mr. Tilney?
- No, you're right.
- He's such a flirt.
We don't have to do all six books, do we?
Doing all six novels is the raison d'étre of the book club and it is the only reason I'm here.
- Okay.
- Do you wanna invite your husband?
My husband has never read Austen and he never will.
Okay, how should we do this?
Just meet once a month at each of our houses, potluck...
Or, you know, pick some central location.
No, I don't think a coffee shop's conducive.
I'll host the first one, we'll start with Emma, at my place.
But let's not get into this competitive cooking thing.
Bakeoffs!
- No, we'll do finger foods.
- We're gonna do takeout.
And we have to create the Jane Austen mood.
- Oh, my God.
- Hey.
- He came.
- Yeah.
Sorry, I sat in the wrong Starbucks for half an hour.
Golly, there are a lot of these places, huh?
But they've got interesting coffee from all over the world, so...
- This is Grigg, everyone.
- I'm Bernadette.
- Prudie.
- Prudie, and Allegra.
- Sylvia.
- Grigg Harris.
Hi.
Well, I'm excited.
Never read anything by Jane Austen before.
What is it?
Well, I went to the bookstore to buy a copy of each one of the novels, and I saw this.
And I thought, "Well, maybe they're all sequels."
So, I figured it might be a good idea to keep them all together in one book, in case I needed to refer back.
Is this the order that we read them in?
Do you wanna grab a coffee, Grigg?
No, no. 
No, I'm fine.
I had plenty at the other place.
And... 
I bought this and they filled it up for me, so I'm a little...
Yeah.
Oh, you said in your email there was someone you wanted me to meet?
Yeah. 
Yeah, all of us, actually.
I thought we might benefit from the perspective of a male in the group.
- A little testosterone.
- Right.
- Okay. 
So, none of you ladies are married?
- Prudie.
Right, so we just... 
What?
We just read them chronologically, and...
- We're doing Emma first.
- Emma?
Oh. 
Starting in the middle, huh?
- They're not sequels.
- They're not?
Well, great. 
We just start anywhere.
- What were you smoking?
- He's cute.
I thought he'd be a distraction for Sylvia.
She needs an adventure.
If he becomes a problem I'll get rid of him.
- What happened, you pull a DUI?
- No, no, I pretty much bike everywhere.
Where do you live?
About 20 miles north. 
Vista Mar.
- You live in what, that development?
- Yeah. 
Yeah.
I had this software company and my accountant says to me,
"You gotta buy a house."
So, we were right by that exit.
And I said, "Pull over."
Got out, went in, pointed, bought a house.
- Like that.
- I should sell it, I guess.
Or at least buy some furniture.
Well, I guess I'll have to, if you guys are coming over, right?
Allegra.
- Bye.
- Yeah. 
Sayonara.
You know, I never picked a book.
Could I do that abbey one?
- Perfect. 
Yeah, it's yours.
- Oh, Northanger Abbey.
Great. 
All right.
- Emma. 
Starting in the middle.
- Yeah.
Well, you gotta hand it to him for taking the dud book.
It's the shortest, that's why.
- He's eager to please.
- Prudie, see you next time.
He is eager to please. 
He likes women.
- A welcome quality in a man.
- Yes. 
Yes.
- Do you think Sylvia responded to him?
- We let him in. 
It's done.
- Bye.
- Bye. 
Bye.
You're up.
Go big!
You okay?
Hey. 
Hey, you. 
Listen.
Can you make sure they don't call my mother? 
Please.
Just make sure they don't call my mother.
Mrs. Avila? 
This is Corinne.
- I'm a friend of Allegra's.
- Allegra's.
And she's asked me to call you.
We're up here in Vacaville at a...
- Jewelry show.
...jewelry show.
I was showing her how to use my scooter and she took a little spill.
It's minor. 
She banged up her wrist.
She doesn't need you to come. 
It's nothing.
We're at the doctor's.
He says she could be a bit sore.
Allegra didn't want you to worry if she's not home tonight.
I'll remind her. 
Book club Monday night.
I'm sorry.
We don't shop on this side of town, ever.
Sorry.
You can have this Whole Foods.
We won't ever use it again. 
Okay?
So I was getting the wine for book club and I bumped into Daniel.
He was with her.
- Oh, sweetie.
- Yeah.
They were going home to make dinner.
He was wearing a jacket with a zipper.
- No.
- That's so not Daniel.
I just... 
I walk around this house, and it's not my home anymore.
I feel like Fanny Price banished from Mansfield Park.
- That woman is living my life.
- Honey, she can't live your life.
Are you all right?
I know you like being alone, but don't you ever get lonely?
So what'd you think about Grigg?
The book club guy.
If you like him, I like him.
- How about those dreamy eyes?
- I didn't really notice.
Well, notice.
Can you come early tomorrow since you're bringing the wine?
That's my girls. 
That's my girls.
That's my girls.
It's a smallish world, pedigreed Ridgebacks.
- "Pedigreed" is...
- Well, it's breeding.
Certain bloodlines are naturally more valuable.
Mine are out of Queenie of the Serengeti.
Gorgeous hound. 
Gone now.
I bred her to my first really important sire, Pridey.
Sire's the boy dog. 
Great disposition.
Passed away last month.
- I'm sorry.
- Thank you.
Miss him. 
But Queenie was the real star.
Ridgebacks are matriarchal.
That's one of their attractive features.
Hey, hey, hey! 
Sahara, off!
Sorry. 
Sorry about that.
Sahara I had to have spayed.
Thyroid issues.
I still show her, though.
She's very competitive in her category.
- Yeah?
- Sexually altered bitch.
Well, I got you those books.
You know the ones I suggested?
Ursula Le Guin.
Oh, yeah. 
Thanks, that was thoughtful.
You don't have to bring a hostess gift to these meetings, FYI.
It's just a book club.
Where's the heat between Emma and Mr. Knightley?
There's no animal passion.
Look at Frank Churchill and Miss Fairfax.
You can tell they're really in love because they behave so badly.
And that's good?
Emma and Mr. Knightley, you just never feel the sex.
Still, I think Mr. Knightley's very yummy.
Don't you?
He may be my favorite of all the Austen men.
Sans passion I'amour n'est rien.
- That's not Jane's theme, is it?
- Jane?
That's cozy.
What we're meant to see is not the lack of passion so much as the control of it, and the not giving in.
Après moi, le deluge.
But Prudie's right, it is in all the novels.
Sense and Sensibility, obviously.
Oh, and then there's Maria's infidelity in Mansfield Park.
I forgot there's infidelity in Mansfield Park.
Austen's all about keeping it zipped.
Yeah, but isn't physical attraction one of the ungovernable forces?
You know, like gravity.
That's what we like about it.
You know, downhill, release the brakes, loosen your grip, and...
Yeah. 
Love makes people crazy.
- It does not excuse bad behavior.
- I agree.
And Mr. Knightley is violently in love.
"Violently!" His word.
And yet, he's never anything but a gentleman.
- Yeah, a gentleman who scolds people.
- Not everyone.
You know, just Emma, just the woman that he loves.
C'est vrai. 
C'est typique.
A man can do whatever he likes to the woman he loves.
I don't think that's what Austen's saying.
Actually, Emma stops being crazy when she falls for Mr. Knightley.
It's the event of the book.
Love is an act of sanity.
One thing that I noticed about Emma is the sense of menace.
The gypsies, Jane Fairfax's boating accident,
Mr. Woodhouse's worries.
Austen's entire thesis is that none of these things are real, Grigg.
I mean, Emma, she acts on the basis of her fantasies.
Yes, Grigg, I'm afraid you've just entirely missed the point.
You know, I've read that the Emma plot, the humbling of the pretty, know-it-all girl is the most popular plot of all time.
Yes, universally satisfying.
Okay. 
Well, what bothered me was how Emma kept forcing her friend Harriet on Mr. Elton.
And then she finds out who Harriet's father is, and suddenly, "Ew!" She's lucky to get the farmer.
I think Jane was being ironic there.
I think some readers might miss that.
- Emma's a snob.
- Please.
People are instinctively drawn to partners who are their near equal in looks.
The pretty marry the pretty, the ugly the ugly.
To the detriment of the breed, in my opinion.
God, you're such an Emma. 
Isn't she?
You'd love to pair up the whole world, from dogs to people.
Put me together with Daniel.
And you had beautiful children.
Oh, no, don't get up, Jocelyn.
I'll get the tea. 
Sorry.
Mom.
I hope we didn't scare Grigg away.
- Yeah, he sure got out of here fast.
- Yeah, we'll toughen him up.
Was the book club a bad idea?
Austen has a way of making you forget that most marriages end in divorce.
Well, she's all about the weddings, Jane.
Yeah, "Jane." Did you catch that?
Oh, Prudie?
"Jane and I, we know our themes."
And why did she have to speak in French?
And if so, couldn't she do it in France, where it's less noticeable?
I feel for Prudie.
She's married to a complete Neanderthal.
Okay, I will call you when I land in Dallas.
You know what?
Let me call you when I check in the hotel if there's time before the game,
- 'cause we're gonna wanna get there early.
- Whatever, okay.
Have fun with your mom.
- Hey, Sky. 
Hi.
- Hi.
Mom, you were supposed to sit with the car.
I'm gonna get a ticket!
- Yo!
- Get some ass!
So... 
Hey, what're we doing today?
Well, I'm teaching. 
It's a school day, okay?
So I'm gonna drop you at the house.
Or you can take the car and you can go see a movie or something.
- No, no, I'll hang with you.
- No, no, you can't.
They don't allow that.
Mom, could you... 
Oh, my God, please.
Okay, I can't.
Mom, I'm late. 
Please. 
Come on.
Oh, ditch them. 
Blow them off.
Tell them your mother doesn't wanna hang around while you go to work.
What's the story with the clothes?
You dress like a flight attendant.
No, I dress like a teacher.
Or it gets confusing.
Mom, mind your stupid... 
For everyone.
Why would anyone wanna teach high school?
I hated my teachers.
Well, I'm just gonna settle you at the house.
No, I'll drop you at school and then I'll take the car.
- Should you be driving?
- Huh?
Okay, you know what?
Just don't forget to come get me at 3:00.
Okay? 
Don't forget.
I'm in Brigadoon.
Would you mind running lines with me?
"Of course I'm all right."
"I'd have died if anything had happened to you.
"I love you so."
"But how can you be sure in just one day?"
"I dinna know, 'tis just
"when a lass falls in and out of love, she knows it right away."
- What?
- It's a good accent.
Well, languages are my speciality.
I just thought that...
French teacher.
It's your line.
"Do you think you're in love with me?"
"Think? 
What good does thinking do?
"But what I feel is something else."
"What do ye feel then, Tommy?"
And then we kiss.
Who plays opposite you?
Karen Bhave.
I think she only tried out because she thought we'd hook up during the play.
I saw you watching me in the library.
- I wasn't watching.
- You were watching.
No, I was reading.
- You were watching.
- I was reading this...
- I was reading this book...
- Oh, yeah?
...about some people in this house called Mansfield Park.
- Austen.
- Yeah.
We're doing Mansfield Park for senior seminar, so...
I actually bought the book already.
I'm trying to make myself wait, you know?
Delay gratification. 
That sort of thing.
- So what happens?
- Right, well...
Well, they decide to put on a play in the house.
And rehearsing it, it sort of unleashes them.
Two of them actually fall in love, and one...
One of them, Maria Bertram, is set... 
Stop it.
- Is set to marry someone else.
- Or maybe not.
Well, I think... 
I think...
I think what Austen is trying to say is that play-acting is dangerous.
All of that intimacy backstage, the waiting and the whispering, and onstage you're gazing at each other, and "I love you."
I mean...
Well, you can see how it happens.
Yeah, I can see it happening, just not with Karen Bhave.
So, do you wanna go over it again?
Hello?
- Yeah.
- Hey, Grigg, it's Jocelyn.
- Hi. 
Hey.
- Hi.
- So how's Mansfield Park coming?
- Just great.
Am I disturbing you?
I'm just writing an email to my sisters about you, as a matter of fact.
And Ursula Le Guin.
- Did you ever read Left Hand of Darkness?
- Not yet.
Hey, listen, Bernadette and I were just saying we hope Allegra didn't scare you off the book club.
- Which one is Allegra?
- Sylvia's daughter.
Really pretty, really passionate, wonderful girl.
Ask him if he can make time today.
You might take Sylvia to lunch today.
Tell him that Sylvia and Daniel are in court this morning over their separation.
She could use the ego boost.
You have Sylvia's number, right?
Would you wanna come, too?
Listen, I know there's a difference in your ages, but I really think the two of you will hit it off.
Sahara. 
I gotta go, okay?
This woman I like definitely seems interested, but it's weird.
She's sort of pushing me to date this girl, Allegra, who's way younger than me.
She said I should take this girl's mother to lunch.
Bank assets will be divided equally.
Each individual will keep his or her own car, and each will be wholly responsible for the attendant payments and insurance.
The house owned by Daniel and Sylvia will be jointly held, with both parties paying an equal share of property taxes, upkeep and repairs.
Sylvia may live in the house. 
Daniel will not.
As soon as Daniel hit 50, his wheels fell off.
Here's what I get from Mansfield Park.
That a marriage is only as strong as its weakest partner.
Daniel has always wanted to find his center by wobbling.
This is a pretty big wobble.
Mansfield Park is full of wobblers.
Lady Bertram lying around, letting a houseful of adolescents run riot.
Fanny Price is the rock of that family.
Fanny's cousin Maria, married six months, dumps her husband...
And don't forget Fanny's father, the unemployed alcoholic.
Marry the weak link and you're screwed.
That's what she's saying.
No wonder why Austen never married.
It's terrifying.
- I think I finally hate him.
- Good.
I'm home. 
I'm going out again.
I have book club.
You just missed this guy who got buried up to his neck in a tank filled with cockroaches.
And they were real.
You'd think it'd be illegal to show stuff like that.
Here, grab a spoon.
You have to leave.
You put your things in your suitcase 'cause I'm booking your flight.
- Want me to...
- Yeah.
- How did you break it?
- I fell.
Which was kind of lucky, actually.
'Cause I met this girl, Corinne, who I've been seeing. 
She's a writer.
Which, um, isn't so great, really, 'cause if she had to choose between me and writing, she'd probably choose writing.
But she doesn't ever have to choose.
So you never have to know.
So you're a lesbian. 
Full-time?
You mean, do I ever slip and accidentally sleep with a man?
No, no, my sister Cat, she goes out with guys and girls.
She lives in Idaho.
Your sister isn't Cat Harris.
- You know her?
- Bernadette knows everyone.
I met her through my doctor friend in Laguna Niguel, Bianca Sillman.
You know my sister, Bianca?
I forgot that Bianca and Cat are sisters.
Those are your sisters!
Our world is an English village.
My topic is the long-suffering daughter.
One can't help but see the parallels between the long-suffering Fanny Price in Mansfield Park and the long-suffering Anne Eliot in Persuasion.
I hate Fanny Price.
Excuse me, we're not electing the homecoming queen, okay?
I mean, yes, if this were high school, yes, we all know Elizabeth Bennet would be most popular and that Fanny would be least.
- Who's Elizabeth Bennet?
- Of Pride and Prejudice.
Don't give away too much, 'cause I haven't read that one yet.
- You don't know Pride and Prejudice?
- No.
I think I read somewhere that Fanny Price was Austen's favorite.
- Fanny's boring.
- She's faithful.
She's Horton Hatches the Egg.
She sits on that nest and she never, ever wavers.
Well, she'd probably be easier to like if she would just allow some weakness in others.
- She doesn't allow it in herself.
- True.
I didn't see what was so bad about Henry Crawford.
Yes. 
Thank you, Grigg.
Why does it have to be Edmund?
Well, Austen, she's always suspicious of people who are too charming.
Just once I'd like to pick up Mansfield Park and see Fanny end up in the sack with Henry Crawford.
Yes! 
Yes!
You can't read these novels without wondering if she doesn't have a little thing for the naughty boys.
Well, who doesn't?
Except for Fanny Price.
Okay, look. 
I love Fanny. 
She works hard.
- She puts her family's needs above her own.
- Mom, it's okay.
And she never, ever stops loving Edmund, ever.
Even when he's stupid enough to do something like take up with Mary Crawford.
Oh, dear.
I thought Mansfield Park would be safe, didn't you?
I don't think we're gonna get through all six books.
Reading Jane Austen is a freaking minefield.
You're awfully quiet, Grigg. 
Any thoughts?
Yeah.
Yeah. 
Yes!
The relationship between Edmund and Fanny.
They seemed like brother and sister.
But then in the end, it's like The Empire Strikes Back, but it's in reverse. 
You know?
'Cause in Jedi, Luke Skywalker, he gets over Princess Leia when she turns out to be his sister.
Edmund gets over Miss Crawford and gets it on with Fanny, who's his first cousin, so...
Did that bother anybody else?
- Weren't you gonna call Sylvia for lunch?
- Oh, yeah.
- You know Allegra's gay, right?
- Of course.
Oh. 
I love your furniture, in your house.
And before we do Northanger Abbey, I gotta buy a couch, so...
- Is something going on between these two?
- Grigg, you have to...
Would you come with me, help me pick it out?
If you take Sylvia to lunch.
Great.
Good, that's great.
- Okay, see you.
- All right, yup, here.
- Take care.
- Oh, God. 
Sorry.
I caught him staring at my titties.
I like that.
- I like this.
- That color's difficult.
I like things that are difficult. 
I'll take it.
Wait, you just don't buy the first one you like.
- You don't even know if it'll fit.
- What? 
It's fine.
You getting hungry?
Grigg, I don't mean to be rude, but may I ask, do you have a lot of money?
Never know how to answer that.
Yeah, I have enough money.
But, you know, I like working in tech support.
- May I?
- Sure.
You should bring Sylvia here.
It's so romantic.
You know, she's planning this library fundraiser.
- She's busy.
- Call her.
It's hard to be alone.
- Well, maybe her husband will come back.
- Maybe.
Jane Austen should write that.
She did. 
In Persuasion.
Anne Eliot is in love with this guy Wentworth who's in the navy, right?
But her family thinks that he's not good enough.
- Right.
- So he leaves.
And when he comes back he's become this wealthy man.
- But he's no longer in love with her.
- Okay. 
Don't tell me any more.
- Oh, so you're enjoying the Austen, I see.
- Yeah. 
And how's the Ursula Le Guin?
- You didn't like Le Guin?
- I didn't read them.
How are you gonna know what you like unless you try?
I think at my age I should know what I like.
Age? 
Come on, age.
Age has nothing to do with anything.
I was willing to read girly books like Jane Austen...
She is not girly.
Which I found out.
So maybe you would find out that science fiction's not just...
- Aliens on rocket ships.
- Right.
All right, hurry up and finish.
I'm gonna show you something really cool.
What you have to understand is that when I was a kid, my dad and I were basically surrounded by girls 24l7.
You know, there was my mom, my sisters, and their friends.
So there'd be like 15 girls in the house.
It was insane.
My dad would hide out in the shed and no one was allowed back there.
And he'd listen to ballgame, you know, smoke his pipe.
He actually died a couple years ago of mouth cancer.
- I'm so sorry.
- Anyway, one day...
I'm like 10 years old, my dad takes me back to the shed and he shows me some magazines that he keeps back there.
He says, "This is strictly guy stuff.
It's top secret. 
Very private.
"Tell no one."
Yeah, so from then on, it's like...
I don't know...
It's like me and my dad and science fiction.
These were like the first books that I fell in love with, and I never got over it.
Arthur C. Clarke. 
He's a visionary writer.
Theodore Sturgeon. 
Amazing.
Philip K. Dick.
This was my top-secret all-guy world.
- Andre Norton.
- Very manly.
Except, as it turns out, Andrew Norton, a.k.a. Andre Norton,
- a.k.a. Alice Mary Norton.
- No way.
- James Tiptree, Jr.
- I heard of him.
Real name, Alice Sheldon. 
Pat Murphy.
- Patrice Anne...
- You were still surrounded.
But by that time I liked girls.
You win. 
I'll read the Le Guin.
Great.
- Tell me a secret.
- Your turn.
No. 
You have better secrets.
You can trust me.
Tell me.
Okay, but this is not something I would tell anyone else.
There was this special needs kid in the grade above me, Benny.
He wore his hat squashed down really low, and his ears stuck out.
And he was always carrying around this basketball and going...
And, one day, I was in fourth grade,
I saw that he was holding his penis.
So, I just went back to my friends.
Well, later my dad picked me up.
And he was distracted, just not really listening, and...
And I don't know why, but...
I said, "Dad, this boy at school made me look at his penis."
- Wait. 
What was his name?
- Benny.
We actually got their address and drove to their house.
And Benny's mom answers the door.
I mean, she was old.
She has these two long, skinny gray braids.
And my dad's yelling.
And she starts crying.
"I'm sorry, what do you expect me to do?"
And he says, "I expect you to speak to your son."
And then right behind her is Benny with his stupid basketball, going...
And my dad just stops.
'Cause he had a little brother like that who died.
Oh, my God.
So we get back in the car and my dad is just silent.
And then he says, "I think you knew
"you were leaving out the most important part."
And I just felt horrible.
You know, I didn't really know any of that was gonna happen.
I just wanted his attention.
Have you lost your mind?
I thought about... 
I thought about calling.
- I... 
But I didn't wanna wake you.
- You can't just show up here, Daniel.
Somebody's gotta mow the lawn.
I don't mind.
Well, I'll pay somebody.
You know? 
I mean, this is my home.
You cannot just arrive here without asking.
What if I had somebody staying over?
- Are you seeing someone?
- Put the mower away.
I didn't mean that in a weird kind of way.
I just missed hearing what's going on here.
Allegra, she acts like she hates me, and the boys... 
I mean, Diego and Andy, they call from school, but they don't say much.
They're ashamed of their father.
So Diego says you told him the handle on the shower's loose?
- Thirty seconds.
- I'll deal with it.
Is there something in the house you don't want me to see?
Do you think I'm not taking care of the house?
- No, no...
- You wanna do what a husband does?
You wanna fix things?
You can't fix this.
You're not my husband.
- All that's gone now.
- Can I call you next weekend?
- No, you cannot call me next weekend.
- Okay.
I'll check in with you, okay?
My mom said I could buy a motorcycle if I paid for it myself.
It's her one stipulation, right?
So I work at the mall.
And I have that whole Kerouac thing planned for this summer, and now it's, "No."
I'm 18 years old.
I have the right to buy a motorcycle.
But you had a motorcycle once.
And you ended up hating it.
Remember, Trey?
Remember? 
You used to park it on the other side of the gym.
It was red and black. 
And...
You got really tired of taking care of it.
What're you talking about?
That was my mom's technique when I wanted something.
She'd say, "But you had a birthday party last year.
"Remember? 
We had a big cake
"with pink icing and roses all over it.
"And you hated it."
And she was totally messing with you?
- It got her out of giving me a birthday party.
- Wow.
I mean, I have wonderful memories of balloons and ballerinas and rollercoasters.
And it never happened.
That's pretty messed up.
"We certainly can't have a big party like that every year, can we?"
So, when did you finally figure it out?
Well, by then she had this other trick.
So suggest something to me.
Something you'd like to do.
Okay. 
Um...
Let's get a room.
Let's not get a room and just say we did.
Then we give up?
You weren't a very persistent kid, were you?
- Trey, you really shouldn't come on to me.
- Why?
Because you're a teacher?
I... 
We can't do this.
Let's get out of here.
We'll go back to my place. 
We'll just talk.
Let's not and just wish we did.
I don't wanna pretend.
Um, we're late.
Just give me a second.
God.
- Does this place seem creepy?
- It's quiet.
- Wow, Sylvia, you look great!
- Hottie!
It's the new me.
- Hey, how's Corinne doing?
- Great.
So, are we up for Grigg's amazing insights on Northanger Abbey?
Stop it. 
He might surprise you.
- I hope his couch has arrived.
- Oh, I don't mind sitting on the floor.
- Passing around cans of aerosol cheese?
- Stop it. 
Fine.
Grigg is a grownup.
I'm sure he's made it very nice.
All right.
Welcome. 
Please come in.
- Whoa.
- Grigg? 
Whoa!
Apparently, he thinks it's Hallowe'en.
- No, it's Northanger Abbey! 
It's Gothic!
- Right!
No one gets out alive!
- I don't like this. 
I don't like this.
- Sylvia, Sylvia!
- Grigg? 
Grigg? 
Grigg?
- Sylvia, it's a joke.
- He's just having fun...
- Oh, Sylvia, Sylvia, Sylvia!
It's okay. 
It's all right.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Look.
- It's a send-up of Northanger.
- It's a program.
- Bernadette, that's your phone.
This is my remote.
And everything's on sensors.
Prudie? 
Oh, hi, Dean.
Is Prudie running late?
- What do you do on Hallowe'en?
- Oh, Hallowe'en is big.
Hallowe'en is much, much bigger.
You should come over for Hallowe'en.
- Wait.
- Oh, that's terrible.
I got inspired reading The Mysteries of Udolpho.
You know, the book in Northanger Abbey that Catherine's obsessed with reading?
- You read The Mysteries of Udolpho?
- Food!
- Hey, Grigg, that color almost works.
- When did you...
- He read The Mysteries of Udolpho.
- Wow.
Wait, that book they were reading in the book? 
That's a real book?
Yeah, with the black veils and Laurentina's skeleton.
- Didn't you think that sounded great?
- Yeah, it sounded awesome.
Dean, I'm so sorry.
Prudie must be devastated.
Prudie said to ask you.
She's supposed to talk or something, about some book?
Persuasion.
We don't know how long we're gonna be down in San Diego, so...
She may have to cancel.
Tell her we'll save Persuasion for the end.
It's better to do it last, anyway.
It was Austen's final book.
I thought Northanger Abbey was the final book.
- Written first. 
Published last.
- That makes much more sense.
- Why?
- What happened with her?
'Cause it's a novel about novels.
You know? 
You see Austen as the young writer, questioning herself.
"Who's a heroine?
What makes a good story?
"Are novels a waste of time? 
Am I gonna write? 
What should I write about?"
- I like that.
- That's actually very perceptive, Grigg.
Thanks.
Prudie's mother died.
- What?
- Jesus.
She got into her car yesterday, this was in San Diego.
She made a left coming out of a parking lot into oncoming traffic.
- Jesus.
- Terrible.
- Were Prudie and her mom close?
- Well, there was tension.
What do we think? 
Is Persuasion too depressing to take on right now, with the dead mother and everything?
She doesn't die on the page.
Even Sense and Sensibility, the dad dies.
What about Pride and Prejudice?
I could use a little encounter in the woods with Mr. Darcy right now.
- Are we all up for a little romance?
- Ready.
I think we're all overdue.
And it'll be better for Prudie.
I still can't believe you read The Mysteries of Udolpho, Grigg.
- Bravo, Grigg. 
Bravo.
- Yay for the grilled artichokes.
- You can move in with us any time, Grigg.
- Please, don't bring skeletons.
She loves these.
Are you and Grigg seeing each other?
No. 
He's interested in Sylvia, obviously.
That was the plan, right?
I don't wanna fight, okay?
I don't know why you didn't just take her back to the car and have sex with her.
I mean, clearly you wanted to.
I talked to her...
I talked to her for like five minutes.
Longer. 
Longer, Dean.
And with those ridiculous plastic boobs.
Is that what you go for?
Prudie, you know, I was just trying to be nice to your friend.
Okay. 
Chloe Baher is not my friend, Dean.
Chloe Baher came to my mother's funeral to gloat. "Ha-ha! 
Your mother's dead."
And you hit on her!
- I do... 
I do...
- You hit on her!
I was not hitting on her.
You know, when I was in the 10th grade,
I wrote an entire paper on Julius Caesar in iambic pentameter.
And Chloe Baher removed it from my locker and she read it aloud to the whole class.
And everyone laughed at me.
Baby, high school's over.
High school's never over.
"And turning 'round, he looked for a moment at Elizabeth
"till catching her eye, he withdrew his own and coldly said,
"'She is tolerable but not handsome enough to tempt me.
"'I am in no humor at present to give consequence to young ladies
"'who are slighted by other men.
"'You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles,
"'for you are wasting your time with me."'
You know, I don't know if we can do Pride and Prejudice next week, because it's the library dinner.
Well, we need to go for Sylvia.
Daniel's bringing Pam.
- That's so unnecessary.
- Tell me about it.
- His firm's buying a table.
- Well, then we should buy one.
All of us, the book club.
- Show up in force.
- Yes.
"The Central Valley River City All Jane Austen, All The Time Book Club,"
is what Grigg calls it.
He's so funny. 
I'm so glad he finally made a date with Sylvia.
He's taking her to lunch.
I sure hope there's some dancing in this thing.
I'm trying to diet.
My husband is bringing a date to my fundraiser.
Yeah, re-reading Pride and Prejudice again,
I keep thinking, "You know, courtship is easy."
- Where's Austen's novel on divorce?
- I wouldn't say it was easy.
Depends who you're courting, I guess.
- Does Jocelyn ever go out with anyone?
- Occasionally.
She used to date my husband in high school.
Then she sort of gave him to me.
Daniel's the one that first bought Jocelyn a dog.
- She traded your husband for a dog?
- Look, I adore Jocelyn, but...
If loving is letting go, then whoever wants Jocelyn is going to have to pry her fingers loose, one by one.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Hey.
Do you know Lynne from my writing group?
- I don't, actually. 
Allegra.
- Hey.
Listen, I just have to say, you have been so good for Corinne.
Ever since you two have been together, she's been writing nonstop.
Didn't you just love that story that she wrote last week?
Well, Allegra and I don't discuss what I'm working on.
Okay.
"Dear Ms. Corinne Mahern, we regret
"that we must decline to publish the three short stories you sent us.
"Benny's Basketball" is strong narratively,
"but the depiction of your penis-waving retarded boy felt a little unkind.
"And isn't the title "Separating Eggs For Flan" a bit obvious
"as a metaphor for your parents' divorce?
"Yet we confess that "Skydiver" puzzled us most.
"Why would a beautiful, self-centered young lesbian jump out of a plane?"
I thought we could drive together.
We should hurry.
I don't want Sylvia sitting there alone.
- Sahara, off.
- Sylvia's already at the library.
- She said she had to get there early.
- So you offered her a ride first.
No, she happened to mention it at lunch.
That's a great dress.
Stay.
I converted it to biodiesel.
So it basically runs on donut grease.
This is so great. 
I never get to drive it.
Or vacuum it, apparently.
I like your hair.
You need to dance with Sylvia tonight.
- You do know how to dance, don't you?
- Of course I do.
I have three older sisters. 
I can dance.
Wait, if we stay in this lane, we're gonna be late.
Given that I have to convert donut grease into biofuel every time I fill up the tank, I just try not to drive very fast.
We're barely moving.
You ever read those Le Guin books I bought you?
I prefer books about real people.
Okay, so Elizabeth Bennet is real and people in science fiction aren't.
Is that it?
Science fiction books have people in them, but they're not about the people.
Real people are complicated.
Well, there's all kinds of science fiction.
When you've read some, I will be interested in your opinion.
- Why are you getting off here?
- I enjoy seeing the river.
What are you, Mark Twain?
Now we're gonna get stuck at every light.
Look at the talent in this room.
Half the Silicon Valley is here.
To romance.
- Hi.
- Hello.
I'm planning on meeting a software baron and moving to Pemberley.
Well, everyone knows a rich man is eventually going to want a new wife.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm Dean.
Yeah, he's not doing book club with us.
Uh, moral support.
She's had a rough couple of weeks.
- Well, you're welcome to join in, Dean.
- Nah, that's okay.
I think I'll just head to the bar.
Let you ladies talk.
There is no bar. 
It's a library.
- Serving liquor.
- Well, that'll work.
You guys need anything?
We had this big fight on the way over here.
- Have some champagne.
- Mom?
I broke up with Corinne.
Oh, my God. 
Honey.
- Nice.
- We have plenty of time.
Honey, whatever happened between you and Corinne, you don't just walk out.
- You don't even know what she did.
- Did she hit you?
Did she say cruel things?
You are so quick to love. 
You're too quick.
You jump in, you jump out.
That's Daniel in you. 
Quick to act.
"It's not working? 
Well...
Fix it. 
Or break it. 
Who cares?"
We don't just dispose of people we love.
You stay. 
You repair.
Okay, you know what?
This is not you and Daddy.
This is Corinne. 
The difference being that Daddy actually loves you.
So you go repair. 
Power on.
Maybe Daddy'll give up this woman he's been fucking.
- Allegra.
- But Corinne, I'm dumping the bitch.
- We're gonna be so late.
- I'll call a cab.
I will not let Sylvia be alone when Daniel walks into that library with Pam.
You got your phone?
I'll find a payphone.
Are you attracted to Sylvia?
Yeah, she's, um... 
She's nice.
She's more than nice.
She's smart and funny...
- And she's in love with her husband.
- Well, she needs to get over that.
Why don't you stop interfering?
Let Sylvia work out her own life.
It's interfering to want my best friend to be happy.
If that's interfering, I hope I never stop.
What about me? 
Am I your friend?
Or am I just some widget to help you make Sylvia feel better about herself?
Why did you invite me to be part of your book club?
What went through your mind the first time you saw me?
"There's a man who is dying to read every book Jane Austen ever wrote."
- Is that what you thought?
- No.
But I thought, "What a beautiful woman.
I hope she looks over at me."
I thought if I read your favorite books that you would read mine.
But, no, no, no. 
You just wanna be obeyed.
That's why you have dogs.
For such a famously romantic story,
Pride and Prejudice is a parade of bizarre marriages.
I've had every marriage in this book.
My first husband was a politician.
He was embarrassed by every move I made.
He said I was rude and loud.
"Stop pointing your breasts everywhere," he'd say to me.
I was 17. 
I was Charlotte Lucas.
I married the first man who looked at me.
Tout le monde est sage après le coup.
You don't see your own marriage until it's too late.
So, um... 
I actually thought that Charlotte Lucas was gay.
Really, I think that when she tells Lizzie she's not as romantic as she is,
I think that's what she means.
Charlotte Lucas is not gay. 
She's not.
She just... 
She just has no options.
Wait. 
Austen meant Charlotte to be gay or Charlotte is gay and Austen is not aware of it?
I just love the idea of a character having a secret life that the author doesn't even know about.
You know, frankly, I kind of admire Charlotte for looking at her situation and deciding to marry Mr. Collins.
I mean, yes, yes, she knows he'll never be the "love of her life,"
but that's okay.
That is exactly the reason that Jocelyn would hate her.
Jocelyn has contempt for anyone who settles for anything less than the perfect love.
You know, it's probably why Jocelyn has never married.
My apologies, everybody.
- Hello.
- Hi.
We ran out of donut grease.
- Grigg Harris.
- Dean Drummond.
- Wait, Grigg... 
Grigg from the book club?
- Yeah.
No, it's just Prudie would say "Grigg," and I just didn't picture it as a guy.
So you thought Grigg was a girl?
Dean thinks "Austen" is the capital of Texas.
Wow.
You'll notice that Jane, she never shows what happens after the wedding.
Maybe Elizabeth and Darcy start hating each other.
Maybe Lizzie went off to Pemberley, and she turned into this crazy person, like her mom, because our mothers are like time bombs.
They just... 
They tick away inside of us.
Let's not give Mrs. Bennet more importance than she deserves.
- You know, I mean, what about the father?
- What father?
You know, my mom showed me a picture of a guy in uniform.
Well, maybe she made him up.
Or maybe she bought it at a garage sale.
And I kept it in my room, this...
I kept it in my room.
Let's not do this now, okay?
Dean, I got it.
Bernadette.
Daniel never came.
Good.
I'm in love with one of my students.
But I mean, nothing's happened. 
Much.
But it could.
It could, if I let it.
I fantasize about him constantly.
Sweetie, your mother died. 
This is grief.
He looks at me like he's the spoon, and I'm the dish of ice cream.
It's a good thing we're reading Sense and Sensibility next.
- I love you so.
- But how can you be sure in just one day?
I do not know. 'Tis just when a lass falls in or out of love, she knows it right away.
- You think you're in love with me?
- Think?
What good does thinking do but what I feel is something else?
- Hey, you got your cast off.
- Yeah.
- How does it feel?
- Great.
You can reach it.
Just really stretch your arm out.
There you go.
Just give the rope a little bit of a shake.
You can do it, there... 
Can you put your...
Can you put your right foot in that blue thing?
It's gonna be fine.
- Here, hang on.
- You can reach it.
- Just reach up.
- It's caught.
It's okay. 
You're doing good.
I'm totally okay. 
I'm not even hurt.
It's nothing.
I'm sorry, I have to stop you here.
It's not likely to be anything more than a concussion.
I'd like to keep Allegra under observation for a few days, okay?
And if you need to reach me, I'm Dr. Yep.
How many times have we had to come here to get her stitched up?
- It's always Allegra, never the boys.
- Well, she's the one who goes mountain climbing and skateboarding and snowboarding.
It's a miracle she never tried parachuting.
She's so extreme.
One minute she's crazy in love with Corinne, the next minute she's never hated anybody more.
- She's gonna be okay, right?
- She's fine.
She just took a knock on the noodle.
This is gonna sound, probably, horrible, considering the fact that she's got this lump on her head, but...
It's just...
It's great to have us all in the same room again.
Just feels so normal.
Normal, yeah.
You know, I haven't been seeing Pam for a couple of months now.
So, that must be a big change.
You know, I was thinking just this morning about this book club that we're in, Allegra and me.
The first meeting was...
Yeah, we had just been separated.
'Cause Allegra had just moved in.
And I was realizing how different I feel.
I don't think I'm the same woman that you left.
I can see that. 
I so see that.
Well, it's probably the same for you.
I guess that's what happens when you let go.
We did a good job taking things apart.
I'm kind of proud of us.
I'm warning you, if Grigg starts making little remarks, I'm gonna walk out.
You two just keep it together for one more book.
I wish he'd just drop out of the group.
Austen sets up this juicy triangle between Elinor, Edward and Lucy Steele.
And then at the end, she practically has to whip a rabbit out of a hat to make Lucy Steele run off with Edward's brother?
- Yeah, that requires some hand-waving.
- I think the ending's well-plotted.
To me, the part that seems forced is Marianne ending up with Colonel Brandon.
- Anyone else feel that?
- Oh, I have no problem with that.
He rides up on a big stallion, sweeps her into his arms. 
I'm there.
From the time Colonel Brandon meets Marianne, he just lavishes all this attention on her.
And meanwhile, she's throwing herself at Willoughby.
Willoughby is a player.
Women never go for the nice guy.
Please. 
Men say that, but you get to know some of these men who complain the most, you find out they're not as nice as they like to think they are.
Okay. 
You know what struck me?
Is that Colonel Brandon is only a few years younger than Mrs. Dashwood.
Well, why does he take up with the daughter and not the mother?
Yeah, why not Mrs. Dashwood?
Maybe Mrs. Dashwood won't give him the time of day.
- The book is about the young people.
- Yeah, because Jane Austen thinks that nothing interesting can happen to a woman over 25.
When actually, a novel about a woman seducing a slightly younger man just yields so much more.
Well, then maybe Mrs. Dashwood should go for Willoughby.
Why not?
It's a long, hot summer.
Maybe Mrs. Dashwood has more sense than that.
Okay, can I just point out, she's hardly in the story.
Sex is messy.
Maybe Mrs. Dashwood prefers a more well-ordered life.
Maybe that's why she's such a minor character.
- I think if you read Austen's novels...
- Oh, I have.
You wanted me to, and I did.
I think you'll see she always writes in favor of order and self-control.
- Nothing unwise.
- Nothing in haste.
Okay, so, this is...
This is what, this is a rulebook?
We could do worse.
I think Jane Austen wrote about women falling in love because she was lonely.
Oh, you couldn't be more wrong.
Austen lived a very full life.
She could've gotten married anytime.
- She almost did.
- That's right.
- But she decided not to.
- Why, too messy? 
Too out of control?
His name was Harris Bigg-Wither, and they were engaged for one night.
"Oh, Harris Bigg-Wither!" I can't believe you know that.
I understand why Colonel Brandon goes for Marianne.
And it's not 'cause she's young.
It's because she's generous with herself.
She's willing to risk her heart.
No rules, no fear.
- And Willoughby tramples her.
- She just picked the wrong guy.
No rules, no fear.
I like that.
- Hi.
- You're wearing that to your book club?
It's Bernadette's idea to do this beach day, 'cause in the novel they all go to Lyme, which is, you know, like, the beach in England.
This is your last one, right?
I think we're gonna do some more books after this one.
Prudie's gonna be hours late and Grigg called. 
He's bringing a woman.
Thank God it's the last meeting.
Yes, there's getting to be a little too much plot.
Not that I blame Grigg.
Something about reading Austen sort of makes you wanna get it on.
Hi.
Started reading it with Allegra at the hospital. 
This is a great book.
Are you joining our discussion?
- Am I? 
'Cause I'd like to.
- Hi.
- Daniel wants to join us.
- Well he's not in the club, is he?
Oh, come on, this is my favorite Austen.
So far.
It's all about mistakes and second chances.
Yeah, you can stay.
Glass of wine?
I can't believe he brought a date to our last meeting.
- I kinda had him in mind for you, as a fling.
- For me?
Honey, I took your boyfriend away from you in high school.
Look how that turned out.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- How ya doing?
- Guys, this is Cat.
- Hello.
- I'm Grigg's big sister.
Oh, God, that's wonderful. 
That's so...
I'm... 
God, that's wonderful.
You're Grigg's sister.
I'm Jocelyn. 
This is Sylvia.
- How are you?
- Hi.
- Good, thank you.
- Hi. 
Bernadette.
- I don't believe it.
- Look at you!
- You look great.
- Good to see you.
Thank you.
- Wow, are you visiting from Idaho?
- Yeah, yeah.
We kept seeing these emails.
And we said, "What kind of strange power
"do these women have that they got Grigg to read Jane Austen?"
Just thought I'd check it out.
You wanna take a walk?
Well, sure.
Excuse me.
Bernie! 
Mom! 
Hey. 
Hey!
- Hi.
- Dr. Yep?
Samantha. 
Thank you for inviting me.
- I'm sorry we're late.
- Oh. 
Yeah. 
Well, Prudie's not even here yet.
Is that Dad?
- Let's say hi.
- Okay.
A doctor.
Nothing in haste.
- Dad! 
Hi!
- Hey.
Would you do me a favor?
Would you read this?
Please. 
Right now.
Isn't that what your special little book club's for?
I really want you to read it.
Please, Dean.
It doesn't... 
They don't...
Prudie, I feel like you want me to be something that I'm not.
I just walk around being me.
I don't pretend to be anything else.
I'm the guy who thinks "Austen" is a city in Texas.
I shouldn't have said that. 
That was mean.
You just set me up for a test that you don't want me to pass.
No, no. 
This is not a test.
This is something to share.
Why don't you just tell me what it's about?
It's about these two people who used to love each other.
And they don't anymore.
And it's how they persuade themselves to give it another try.
Look, I can get you started off. 
Okay?
- "Sir Walter Eliot...
- Prudie.
"...of Kellynch Hall in Somersetshire was a man who...
"for his own amusement, never took up any book but the..."
Come on, you're really not gonna read all of this out loud.
One page.
"There he found occupation for an idle hour
"and consolation in a distressed one."
- Come on.
- So I've been trying to figure out that moment in Persuasion when Wentworth and Anne just began to stop hating each other.
Maybe it's when they went with everyone to Lyme.
After Louisa Musgrove fell.
After Wentworth used her to make Anne jealous.
You think he was using Louisa?
Yeah. 
That's one interpretation.
- I think the guy was just trying to feel...
- Valued again.
It was a bonehead move.
I mean, he knows he's nothing without Anne.
He loved her then, he loves her now.
I like how Austen always lets the men explain themselves.
Darcy writes a letter to Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice, and Frank writes to Emma.
Yeah, in Persuasion, everything hangs on Wentworth leaving her that note
- when everybody's talking all around them.
- Yeah. 
Yeah. 
Sneaky.
No, smart guy. 
Perfect timing.
Yeah.
Let us never underestimate the power of a well-written letter.
Grigg has always loved dogs.
You know, we were never allowed to have one when we were kids.
Dogs and books. 
That's our Grigg.
Okay, he'd kill me for saying this, but my brother likes you.
I'm figuring he'll never tell you.
And this way it's up to you.
My sisters and me, I wouldn't say we ruined him, but he's just way too considerate to make the first move.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I was just wishing that Austen had written a bunch more books, you know?
I'm gonna miss this.
"All of the ladies were contented to pass quietly and carefully down the steep flight,
"excepting Louisa.
"She must be jumped down them by Captain Wentworth.
"She was safely down and instantly, to show her enjoyment,
"ran up the steps to be jumped down again.
"He advised her against it, but no..."
Shoot.
I'm so sorry. 
I should've called first.
I read these books.
I love them.
I couldn't stop reading.
I went to the all-night newsstand on State Street to buy Searoad, the next one,
- but they didn't have it, and...
- Do you wanna borrow Searoad?
I mean, I have... 
You know, there...
There are other writers that you might like.
Hey.
Hi, honey.
I didn't expect you back so soon.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hey, has anyone read those Patrick O'Brian novels?
- British Navy.
- Yeah. 
Jane Austen's navy, 1805.
Yeah. 
But aren't there, like, 20 of them?
- There's more of us now.
- I'm in.
- Oh, my God, is that Bernadette?
- I thought she was in Costa Rica.
Buenas noches, everyone.
This is Señor Obando.
- Hola.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- He's working on his English.
- I'm working on my Spanish.
- Hello.
And so far I have te amo.
And mi esposo.
- Oh, my God!
- Congratulations!
- That's incredible!
- That's incredible. 
Congratulations!
- Oh, it's gorgeous.
- Thank you.
- I'm so happy for you.
- Congratulations.
- Dad, check it out.
- Well, let's get you a drink, Mr. Darcy.
- Don't be gone too long.
- Yikes. 
That makes seven.
- What?
- Yeah.
Hey, guys. 
Guys.
He hasn't read a word of Austen.
Oh, poor man.
Ah, yeah. 
We'll fix that.
- Cheers!
- Cheers!

Sarah?
Sarah, shake a leg.
We gotta get going.
- Can I have a sleepover tonight?
- Tonight? 
I don't know, Sarah.
Tony, now that I'm back living "here... "
...me and my BFFs has some serious catching up to do.
- How many BFFs are we talking?
- A few.
I promise we won't make mess or noise and we'll be asleep by 3.
- Twelve.
- Two?
- One.
- Deal.
So it's okay?
- Yeah, it's all right.
- Yes.
Your friend Julia can come too.
She's cool.
She is, but she's busy tonight.
Why don't I pick you up some videos and maybe some pizza, ice cream?
- Cool. 
You're the best.
- Yes, yes, I am.
Oh, you should know.
Steffie's a vegan, Kiki has a soy allergy and Mary Claire is lactose intolerant.
What's left to eat, air?
All right, come on, Joey.
Hey.
- Hi.
What time did you get to bed?
I didn't hear.
Oh, I didn't get to bed till early this morning because I'm writing up a case for grand rounds.
- Hi, honey.
You need your sleep.
Well, late night's the only time it's quiet around here, so... 
Thanks.
- Hey, come here, come here.
- It's my fault, keeping Luka up.
No, I didn't mean to imply that...
Yeah, we wasted so much time not talking.
- Now it seems we can't shut up.
- We?
No, no, it's good that you two have this time together. 
Um...
But, you know, I have to go, okay?
Bye-bye.
- Bye, sweetie. 
Bye-bye.
- Bye.
Hey, so I'll stop by later.
Frank's been holding my mail.
I need to talk to Anspaugh.
Okay, well, find me.
Abby, we should all go out sometimes.
That way, we could talk a little bit more, and...
I can tell everyone in Croatia what you're like.
Yeah. 
I mean, we will.
I just need to get a break in my schedule.
Bye, Joe.
I know I don't know you very well "yet... "
...but anyone who can make my brother this happy is, uh...
Extraordinary.
Extraordinary person.
Bye.
And thank you for the Thai food recommendation.
Best "Tom Yum Gai" I've had outside of Phuket.
Well, any time you wanna vent over a bowl of sticky rice just let me know.
- Hey, why is Mrs. Lawlor still here?
Medicine won't accept her without CT results.
The CT isn't gonna change the management. 
Come on.
Frank, where's Anspaugh?
Don't shoot the messenger.
He said he'd be down.
Hey, Dawn, did you get the, uh, EKG for the CHF'er?
I tried, but someone moved your patient.
There's a baby in Curtain 4.
Thought that's where they put the septic hip.
How can you accept a Neurosurgery transfer if we don't have a bed?
- We have to if it's for higher level.
- Not if we don't have a bed.
Neurosurgery can see them even if there isn't an inpatient bed.
Were we talking to you?
Do you have chest CT results?
No. 
Okay, hold your water.
Ultrasound is on the phone again.
Somebody has to pick up that ovarian-cyst lady.
Listen up. 
Two victims, one critical with vascular injury.
Three-minute ETA.
Okay, people, gather around.
Everybody, gather around.
Morning, everyone.
I know we're all busy, so I'll be brief.
I have some unfortunate news.
It's with deep regret that I announce Dr. Moretti will not be returning to the ER.
Kevin fully intended his absence to be temporary but due to personal circumstances...
"... he's" not certain when or if he will be able to return.
Here we go again.
A search committee will be convened, find a replacement to consider...
- Dr. Anspaugh.
- Yes?
With all due respect, the ER needs a chief now. 
Today.
There's a lack of communication among the staff and departments.
Waiting room times are up and patient care is compromised.
Yeah. 
We can't wait, and neither can our patients.
Yes, it sounds like it can't wait.
So until the search committee meets and until further notice the acting chief of the ER will be Dr. Wexler.
What?
She's a sly one, that Skye.
You see the surprised look on her face when Anspaugh made her acting chief?
- She didn't look surprised.
- Exactly.
I'll admit, I believed her funky, laid-back surfer-girl act.
- But she's been playing us.
- She's only been here for a month?
- How could she know what ER needs?
- She can't.
Cannery accident.
Sleeve caught in a conveyor belt.
Pulled his arm into a metal cutter.
Long extrication, heavy blood loss.
- What's your name, sir?
- Um... 
Murphy.
- He's out of it.
- Got 15 of morphine.
- Type and cross, CBC, chemistry.
- Call for O-neg too.
- Who does Skye think she is?
- Let it go.
She's not fooling anybody.
She wants the job.
I don't want it.
Hey, I hear congratulations are in order.
You make me acting chief just like that?
Okay, well, I got a lap chole to scrub in on.
- Don't I have a say?
- You did.
You made it quite clear the ER needs a leader.
I am not the administrator type.
But you are the most experienced ER Attending we have.
I only signed on at County as a moonlighter.
Well, your new duties will require more than that.
Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.
Budget meetings, politicking and ass-kissing?
This is not me.
I'm gonna be surfing in Uluwatu at Christmas.
Well, look, the bump in salary will buy more sun block, board wax and shark repellent.
Dr. Anspaugh, all I want is to do my shifts and get out of Dodge.
Dr. Wexler, I need you to step up.
So it's either Dodge or nothing.
You use the ratcheted forceps to grasp the apex of the fundus.
Harold, you into the blues?
- Watch the omentum, Neela.
- Yeah, I see it.
Recent events have led me to discover that musical genre.
My true passion is the urban blues style of the '70s.
Sam Lay, Jimmy Rogers, Magic Slim.
Carey Bell, Eddy Clearwater, Left Hand Frank.
Dr. Zelinsky, what do you see?
The cystic duct and artery.
The next step is to dissect them circumferentially, taking care to...
That's my beeper.
Could somebody get it?
Thanks. 
It's the ER.
What, you're leaving?
Yeah. 
I'll pop my head back in after I've checked in.
No, you can't.
I mean, where's Dr. Crenshaw?
He's stuck in fem-pop bypass on a 400-pounder.
You're doing great, Neela.
You got this.
Okay.
Uh...
- Get ready to ligate the cystic artery.
- You know what this means, right?
- Yeah, to ligate, we...
- No, not that.
- You are the senior surgeon in the room.
- I'm aware of that.
Listen, about before, I had no idea Anspaugh was gonna do that.
I'm sure if we work together, we can get this place back.
- Yeah, sounds good.
- You've been here longer than "me... "
...so I hope I can pick your brain when things come up.
Sure, anytime.
Anything going on that I need to know about?
Morris and Abby are with an industrial-accident victim in 1.
And the second victim is imminent.
- Okay, I'll go check on them.
- All right.
Hey, Frank.
Dr. Wexler's gonna make a terrific chief.
And personally, I have no problems taking orders from a woman.
Good.
Call Radiology.
We're still waiting on that chest CT.
- I called them three times.
- Fourth time's a charm, Frank.
I liked you when you were a blond.
Dolores Salazar, cleaning woman, injured while trying to free a worker.
Sam, what's open?
Curtain 2.
Gates, go with Sam.
Skye's in 1, let her know.
Vitals stable, full range, minimal blood loss.
I'm Dr. Gates.
You have problems with any medicines?
No, no problems.
- Mr. Murphy is okay?
- I don't know who that is.
You allergic to anything?
- Sorry, my English is not good.
- Yeah, my Spanish is "muy" bad.
- Sam?
- High school French.
- Hey, Chuny, we need a translator.
- Be right there.
- Do you know how my husband is?
- Pop's a tough SOB.
The doctors can answer all your questions.
You're welcome.
Damn, what a mess.
- Hand is dusky. 
No radial pulse.
Oh, this is bad.
BP is 80 systolic.
- Honey, John and I are here.
- Stop pushing.
- Grady, set up. 
Abby, supervise.
- Betadine, sterile drapes, central line.
- Let them do their thing.
- Sure you want an intern doing a line?
- He can handle it.
Do we have matched blood yet?
Another five minutes.
Hang the O-neg.
Sir, you need to hold still. 
Sorry.
- I wanna sedate and intubate him.
His airway's okay.
We need to control the bleeding.
- Yes, you do, soon.
- I'm on this, okay?
Okay, how are we doing?
Tied off the artery.
Just lots of nonviable tissue.
- Got a flash.
- Introducer.
Ortho and vascular if there's even a chance.
- Okay, who are you?
- I'm Dr. Dubenko from Surgery.
He's three hours out.
Dr. Wexler, second cannery victim is in Curtain 2.
She has a few lacerations, minor.
- That patient, she the cleaning lady?
- Yeah.
- Be right there.
Femoral line's in.
Another unit of saline.
We're gonna need your consent including all possibilities.
- Okay, like what?
- Amputation.
- No. 
No.
- We will do everything in our power.
No, you know, you're saying my father's gonna lose his "arm... "
...but that dumb spic, she's gonna walk away?
- Okay.
- Calm down.
Ma'am, I cannot take your husband to the O.R. Until you sign.
No, no way.
No, we want a second opinion.
Pop. 
Pop.
Don't worry about anything, okay?
They're not gonna take a thing.
Okay, guys, what do we have?
This is Dolores Salazar.
This is Dr. Wexler.
- Hi.
- Neurovascularly, she's intact.
This one needs a two-layer closure.
The rest can be Steri-Stripped.
So, Dolores, what happened today?
I clean and I hear moaning, and I see a man, Mr. Murphy.
His arm was in the machine.
It was full of blood.
He begged her to help him.
And then what happened?
- I know the yellow box.
The yellow box?
The green button was on.
And she pushed the red button to shut it off.
Electrical control box.
I yell for help. 
Try to help.
But his arm, it is stuck.
- And that's how you got hurt.
- Mm-hm.
You're a very brave woman.
- No, not me.
Are you kidding?
The company should give you a raise.
Mama.
This is Manny, Manuel.
- This is my son.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Hi.
It was nice to meet you, Dolores.
Chuny, tell him his mother will be discharged.
I speak English.
Manny goes to college.
The first Salazar to go law school.
It's pre-law, Mama, and these people don't care.
Chuny, will you cover this closure with loose gauze dressing, please?
- Yeah.
- Dolores, we'll be back soon.
Thank you.
- Nice kid. 
His mom's proud of him.
- Hello?
Extra blankets are in the hall closet.
No. 
Because it's R-rated. 
Goodbye.
- How is Sarah?
- Driving me crazy.
Having a sleepover, it's like she's planning Normandy.
- Well, she's a teenager and a girl.
- Yeah, nothing I can't handle.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, Dubenko saw him.
The family won't consent without a second opinion.
Open fracture, proximal humerus.
Arm already looks ischemic.
"I'll be right down. " 
- Thanks.
Hey, Sam. 
I heard you have to pass a strength test before shifts for Transport.
They wanna make sure you can lift.
- Make a muscle.
- What? 
No.
Look. 
Check out the guns.
- Those are more like water pistols.
- No, I can help you train.
I took the liberty of getting you some fitness balls.
Start with the lighter one, and you squeeze.
Archie, you couldn't pay me to touch your balls.
Gates, Exam 3.
Kid with a facial lac. 
Here.
Thanks.
Hey, Pratt, for what it's worth, I think Anspaugh should've picked you.
Yeah, thanks, but no thanks.
Skye's more than welcome to it.
You know what? 
I'm going out to get a coffee. 
I'll be right back.
Greg.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
Why?
Maybe you wish Anspaugh tapped you instead of Skye?
- Hey, that was his choice.
- Talk to him.
- Tell him you want it.
- I already did, months ago.
Sorry.
Look, I know I'm too young and less experienced than Skye or Moretti or Kovac or Weav... 
Even that nutcase Clemente.
But, man, I'd be good at it.
- You'll get your shot.
- Really? 
When?
Hmm? 
How long do I have to wait?
What do I do to be taken seriously?
Dr. Morris, we need you in Trauma 1.
- Murphy's arm started gushing.
- Okay.
I don't know, man.
What else can you do?
I mean, it's not like you're gonna quit in protest.
We're on our third unit.
Keep the blood bank ahead two units.
Order FFP.
- I thought you had this under control.
- I got the artery.
- Might be DIC.
- Did you push five more morphine?
Moretti said not to give meds without orders.
Moretti's not here. 
Push it.
BP's back up to 120 systolic.
- It's not DIC. 
He's over-resuscitated.
- Had to give fluids, he was bleeding out.
- He's bleeding out?
- Ever heard of controlled hypotension?
- You bitch. 
Look what you did.
- Keep the BP around 90.
No, don't worry about my dad.
Enjoy your free medical care.
- Anything else our taxes can pay for?
That is not helping your dad.
- Free school for your "niños?" 
- Talk to me.
- Venous hemorrhage.
- He was fine.
- Started bleeding again.
- Axilla's a mess. 
Crits?
Twenty-four, down from 30.
Curved Kelley.
- What's his BP?
- 128/72.
That's too high.
It's called controlled hypotension.
- When are you gonna learn this?
- That's what I told them.
Okay, that should hold him for a while.
He needs the O.R. What have you decided?
Uh... 
I don't know.
- We're waiting on a second opinion.
- We're gonna wait for that.
Did you talk to Anspaugh?
- Yes.
- Well, why isn't he here?
Get him down here and get consent now.
Dr. Wexler, can I have a minute?
- Yes, Dr. Morris?
- I was thinking I should be angry.
But then I figured since you're new here, I'd help you out.
- Help me.
- Back-seat doctoring doesn't go well.
- Is that what you think?
- Instead of criticizing, you could help.
It's called collaboration.
When a decision needs to be made about my patients, I will make it.
I see. 
Anything else?
Yeah. 
Yeah, what's with all the buddy-buddy business with Surgery?
Conferring with Dr. Dubenko on a surgical case is somehow bad or disloyal?
This is our case.
Until we hand it over, we...
Get a life, Morris.
Excuse me. 
I'm not done yet.
Ugh. 
Kicked in the face.
I know how that feels. 
Not good, huh?
- Uh-huh.
- All right, here, go like this for me:
All right, no jaw dislocation.
- Tate's gonna need some stitches.
- Stitches?
Take it easy, son.
Don't worry, I'll make sure you don't feel a thing, okay?
See?
Doctor says it's all gonna be okay.
Set me up sterile saline and an irrigation tray.
Sorry about that.
- About what?
- Oh, he's the sensitive type.
You know, I thought karate was gonna toughen him up, but...
Well, he's not his older brother.
There's one tough kid.
Cystic duct is clear.
We're kicking ass.
- Don't jinx it.
So, Harold, you have any pictures from the homecoming dance?
I don't need any pictures to remember that magical night.
All I have to do is close my eyes and I'm there.
A little suction here.
You and Lacey had a good time?
It was awesome.
I only ask because you never said.
And you were a little apprehensive about the night's, um, expectations.
A gentleman never kisses and tells.
Right.
All right, so, Tate, I'm gonna get the anesthesia...
I don't want anything.
- What?
- Don't give me anything for the pain.
I wanna be tough.
I wanna show my dad I can do it.
You seem tough.
You took a kick in the face.
- Yeah, and I cried like a big baby.
- There's nothing wrong with crying.
That's not what my dad thinks.
- Lf I were you, I would want anesthesia.
- No.
I don't need it.
- Hey, Greg.
- Hey.
Can't stay away, can you? 
Ha-ha-ha.
Hey.
- Whoa.
You can't hide from the U.S. Postal Service.
- Thanks for holding it for me, Frank.
- No problem.
- How's your dad?
- Doing better.
He's under 24-hour care.
My cousin's looking in.
Good.
- Come back to get the stitches removed.
- We'll make sure she does.
- Get the paperwork for workers' comp.
- That won't be necessary.
Oh, but she got hurt on the job, so she's eligible.
Actually, she's not.
She's paid off the books.
So you're undocumented?
No, she's illegal.
Come on, just tell it like it is.
- You should go back to Mexico.
- She's from El Salvador.
- But to you, we're all the same.
- I'm tired of pressing one for English.
- That's enough.
No.
No, my father is probably gonna be a cripple, and it's all her fault.
You're wrong.
She got hurt helping him.
What? 
What? 
What?
You people, you want everything we got.
Why don't you work for it?
My mother's been working here longer than you.
This is not the place.
Amigo, I got no problem with you foreigners coming here.
Get on the list, wait your turn.
Don't go sneaking across our borders.
I was born here, man.
I'm as American as you.
- Frank, call security.
- You're a criminal.
I'm gonna make sure that they deport your fruit-picking spic-nic-on-the-side-of-the-road ass.
- Hey, knock it off. 
Ow!
Manuel.
What do you have to say now?
What you gonna do now?
- Get him off.
- Break it up, break it up.
Okay, people, show's over.
- Hey, can I go be with my dad now?
- Yeah, just a minute, Mr. Murphy.
- You okay, Sam?
- Yeah, I think I just caught an elbow.
You saw, he attacked me.
It wasn't my fault.
Someone put a gun to your head, made you say stuff.
Okay, you know, I was upset, okay?
My dad, he's all messed up.
So, chief, what do you wanna do?
Well, I think...
I'd like to hear what you think.
Okay.
Well, he didn't take the first swing and his dad is in bad shape.
So I say we escort him back, post security in the hall.
Well, I say, sick dad or no sick dad, we keep his racist ass in Waiting.
Yeah, I'm with Pratt.
Okay, thank you for your input.
We'll go with your suggestion, Dr. Morris.
- Take him back to Trauma 1.
You can see your father now.
Let's go. 
You too.
Hey, Sam, I left something for you in your locker.
- What is it?
- Oh, I can't say.
But it's guaranteed to pump you up. 
Ha.
- Morris wants to give you a pump?
- Not if I can help it.
So are you playing tour guide for your brother?
Well, we've been to Navy Pier and Sears Tower.
But what he really wants to see is a taping of "Oprah. "
Kovac, I gotta say, you always have perfect timing.
I thought you staged all that to welcome me back.
You know, the break room was open if you wanna go through that.
And I think the coffee's only about two hours old.
- I'll buy you a cup. 
Come on.
- All right.
I'll be in the break room if you need me.
Take your time.
Hey, Frank, would you mind buying a couple dozen doughnuts?
- Doughnuts?
- Yeah. 
My treat, for everyone.
- Frank, you all right?
- You know what I think?
I think Skye is an angel sent to walk among us.
Right.
Who the hell knows how long we're gonna be here?
Reschedule the home inspection for Monday.
Mr. Udecker, Tate just told me he doesn't wanna be numbed "up... "
...before I suture.
- Tate said that?
- Wants to prove he's tough.
Really? 
Okay.
Okay? 
He's gonna be in a lot of pain.
- That's fine with you?
- No.
If he wants to man up, it's better to learn now.
- It's cold out there in the real world.
- He's 13. 
This is wrong and cruel.
You have children?
No, I don't.
Then who the hell are you telling me how to raise my kid?
Just do your job and sew up my boy.
Okay, boss. 
Whatever you say.
So when you getting back on the schedule? 
Here.
- Uh, next week. 
Thanks.
- Good.
Is there any chance you'll consider being chief again?
No.
You know, Moretti's gone.
And today, Anspaugh made Skye the acting chief.
Really?
- How about you?
- Me? 
No.
No, I'm years away from that.
In fact, I was thinking maybe it's time for me to start looking around.
- Build up my résumé.
- Leave County?
I might need a letter of recommendation.
So I was wondering, maybe you could write me one.
Yeah, of course, Greg. 
But, uh, if you wanna run an ER one day there's no better place to learn.
Yeah, maybe.
But I'm feeling real invisible around here.
Well, what have you been doing to get attention?
- What do you mean?
- Well, be proactive.
Show Anspaugh and the administration you can make their lives easier.
What do they always complain about?
Document compliance, medication reconciliation.
Just give them a plan to fix it.
Dr. Pratt, sats are down on your pneumonia guy.
All right, I'll be right there.
I'll let Abby know that you're here.
- Thanks.
- It's good that you're back, man.
I know she missed you.
Hey, and thanks.
I'll think about what you said.
Mr. Murphy, can you wiggle your fingers for us?
Ancef is in.
- So, what about my dad's arm?
He's suffered nerve and artery damage and I doubt if we can repair it.
Okay, that's not good enough.
If you leave a non-viable arm attached, it could kill him.
- I'll sign the consent.
- No, Ma.
Ma, what are you saying?
Dad's gonna lose everything.
How's he gonna work, okay?
How's he gonna drive?
- How's he gonna play pool?
- There are a lot of great prosthetics.
Your father can live a long and productive life without his arm.
I thought your friends liked my impressions.
What? 
What do you mean they don't know who Elvis Presley is?
Well, then stop calling me.
I didn't call you. 
Goodbye.
Problems with the Normandy invasion?
The Allied forces had it easier with the Germans.
I'm not gonna get an ounce of sleep. 
Her friends are gonna keep me up all night.
Gonna want me to tell them my funny stories.
And, you know, DJ and such.
- Can I help you?
- Where do you guys keep the TAC?
- It's right here.
- Oh, good.
And could you mix up, uh, 30 mics of fent with 3 cc's of sterile "NS... "
...and load it in an atomizer for me?
What are you doing?
I've got this sweet kid.
He's got a facial lac, he needs stitches.
Wants to be tough for his old man, so he doesn't want anesthesia.
You're gonna give the boy anesthesia without telling him?
- Yeah. 
Gonna think he's toughing it out.
- You can't without the dad's consent.
The dad's an asshole.
And trust me, this kid needs to win.
- Gates...
- Look, it's a topical agent.
And a tiny whiff of fent.
It's like zero risk.
Fine.
- Where are they?
- Exam 3.
- I'll meet you there.
- All right.
Thank you, Sam. 
Thank you very much.
Keep him on nasal canula and continuous pulse ox till he's more awake.
We'll tell your family everything went well, and then send them in to see you.
I remember my homecoming date too.
Way to go, tiger.
That's right.
- Harold, what's the matter?
- Nothing.
You should be on top of the world.
We rocked in there.
She left the dance with somebody else.
Who? 
Lacey?
- That's awful.
- I can't say I blame her.
I mean, Ned Birnbaum is the president of the chess club.
How can I compete with that?
Well, you know, it's her loss, not yours.
I bet they had sex.
I bet she had my sex with Ned Birnbaum.
Someday you're gonna meet the right girl, fall in love and your first time is gonna be special.
I don't think so.
I think I'm gonna end up a lonely old virgin.
Hey, you mustn't give Lacey or any girl the power to make you feel bad.
You've done something well.
Don't let her ruin that.
What good is success when you have no one to share it with?
Can we get this show on the road?
- Okay, big sniff, Tate.
- What's that?
Oh, it's something to dry Tate's nose up so it doesn't run and mess up the field.
Ready? 
One, two, three.
- Good job.
- All right.
- Are you ready?
- Yes.
Still time to back out.
All right.
Hold still.
All right.
- How you feeling, buddy?
- That doesn't hurt at all.
Really? 
Well, you're tougher than I am.
He's got a high tolerance for pain.
Impressive.
What do you know?
Way to go, son.
Okay, Mr. Zangolia, the endocrinologist will be right down.
- Hi.
Hey.
- Heard you had a fight.
- More like I helped break one up.
- Did you bring Joe with you?
- No, he and Niko are home decorating.
- It's November.
- I know, I know.
But Niko won't be here for the holidays and he wanted to celebrate with us.
- What? 
What's the matter?
- Nothing.
- You don't like my brother?
- He's great. 
Did he have to visit now?
- You said you wanted to meet my family.
- Yeah, someday.
You were gone for a really long time.
- You want me to ask him to leave?
- No, no. 
That's not what I mean.
- I just...
- Listen, I'm sorry.
I know it was tough for you with me being away.
You think?
To be honest, things have seemed a little tense since I've been back.
I think it's because you and I haven't had time...
Do you think it's wrong for me to want you to myself?
- It was tough for me too.
- Really?
Because from the stories Niko tells, it sounds like you two had a lot of fun.
- Fun?
- Yes, while I was here alone working, taking care of Joe and paying the bills.
Half the time, I didn't know where you were.
I was taking care of my dying father.
- Oh, hey there.
- Hi.
- Sorry.
- Don't worry about it.
Not too awkward.
- Is that Dr. Kovac?
- Yeah. 
He's a great guy.
I thought he'd be taller.
- My father has multiple myeloma.
- I know.
You're a doctor, I'd think you'd understand.
Of course I understand.
But your being there didn't change his diagnosis or his disease.
- Your life is here.
- You think I liked being miles away?
Yes, at times. 
I heard it in your voice.
I love my father.
- You expect me to turn my back on him?
- This is so unfair.
- You wanna do this?
- No. 
I gotta go. 
Let's talk later.
Fine, I'll put my brother in a hotel.
Twentysomething male, baseball bat vs. Head.
Bradycardic, lost pulse en route.
- What happened?
- Friends say he was hanging out next thing, car pulls up, guys jump out, start wailing away on him.
- Any ID?
- No, but family followed the rig.
Manny. 
Manny.
- Manny.
- Oh, my God, it's her son.
Manny.
Iv's blown.
Hold the compressions.
Still V-tach.
No pulse.
Shock again.
Clear.
No change. 
Resume compressions.
- CT's ready for him.
- No.
- Forget it. 
He's too unstable.
- What have you got?
Twenty-year-old bludgeoned in the head with a bat.
We treated his mother.
Blown pupil suggestive of intracranial bleed.
Pulseless V-tach for almost 45 minutes.
Okay, well, uh, there's nothing for me to do, then.
Dr. Wexler.
Lucien, wait.
Let mom see we did everything we could.
Okay. 
Um... 
Another mig of epi.
- You want me to go through the tube?
- Put in a central line.
- Chuny, where are they?
- Tiffany was supposed to restock.
I'll be right back.
- How you feeling?
- Stupid.
- I can't believe what I did.
- What you did?
Everyone knows it was that cleaning lady's fault.
What?
Yeah, but I took care of it.
Took care of what?
What are you talking about?
I left the cutter on, bypassed the safety guard.
If it wasn't for that woman, I'd be dead.
But it was her fault.
I mean, that's what they said.
What did you do, John?
What did you do?
What did you do?
- Here's the kit.
Hold compressions.
Tell security I need to talk to them.
And post a guard outside Trauma 1.
Asystole.
- Resume.
- What?
He's been down for almost 50 minutes.
Just for a few more moments.
Hey, I'll take over for you, Abby.
We have been working on your son for almost an hour.
The injuries to his brain and body were too severe.
His heart has stopped beating.
His body has stopped breathing.
No, "por favor. "
No.
Please, don't.
Please.
Justin broke up with Brianna.
When did that happen?
- The week before he moved back.
- She caught him texting Emma Rosen.
- Men.
- Men.
Hey. 
Here we go.
Top one's no cheese.
- So how's it going?
- Good, I guess.
All right.
So, what do we wanna do first?
Watch videos?
Want me to grab my harmonica?
Wanna sing some songs?
- Can I talk to you for a minute?
- Sure.
Be right back.
Yeah?
- Can you give us some privacy?
- What? 
I thought we were having...
Oh, all right, sure.
But, at least, could I have a slice of pizza?
Yeah.
Just gonna...
- So anyway...
- Anyways...
So you met him?
- Hey, Abby, you off soon?
- No, I'm on till 10.
Harold and I are on all night.
Heard Moretti's gone.
What's the story?
- I don't know.
- His son. 
Did you know he had a kid?
No. 
Uh, maybe.
- I don't know.
- Okay.
- Well, good night.
- Good night.
Hey, Neela.
Um, would it be okay if I stopped by?
There's a bunch of stuff I left there.
Yeah, sure.
You've got some stuff in the hall closet.
Thanks.
Morris.
How's it going, Sam?
Dolores Salazar and her family just left.
That was a tough one.
Yeah, I just keep thinking about how much she's gone "through... "
...and how hard she worked to have a good life here.
She and Manny deserved better.
- You working out?
- Oh. 
They're not mine.
Hey, I wanted to say thanks for suggesting I look into the program.
- I'm going for it.
- Good.
It's good to have aspirations.
It's never too late to be what you might have been.
- That's George Eliot.
- He's a writer, right?
He was a she, actually.
Mary Ann Evans.
She used a pen name because the work of men was taken more seriously.
Like anything's changed.
- So how was your first day as chief?
- I'm clear and strong, I'm a bitch.
If I play it loose and Socratic, I'm perceived as weak.
I even bought doughnuts for everybody.
Doughnuts.
Maybe you can ask Hillary Clinton for advice.
Either way, I can't win, so screw it.
Tough when I have to be, nice when I wanna be.
Hey, they're taking the Murphy kid.
- Good.
- Yeah, you said it.
Sam, do you know where Room 2G-315 is?
No, sorry.
I do.
- I'll show you on my way out.
- Great.
"We're off men" for the rest of our natural lives.
Ah. 
The perks of being chief.
I have a feeling this isn't really quite what you wanted.
Yeah, I've never been one for putting down roots.
But I'm fine.
- It'll all work out.
- Yeah?
Well, why don't we celebrate?
I can make a mean lasagna.
I'll come over to your house, break in your new kitchen.
Lucien...
"... 
I" don't wanna be "presumptuous... "
...but I like you, and I think you like me so I wanna be completely up-front.
Okay. 
I welcome honesty.
When it comes to relationships I guess you could say I have a fluid attitude.
Uh-huh.
When I'm with someone, I'm with them.
And when I'm not, I'm not.
Love the one you're with.
So if you can handle a relationship with no strings sex with no commitments, then we're cool.
Does that freak you out?
Uh...
No. 
I'm all good.
How about drinks tomorrow night?
Why wait?
It's like... 
It's 2 a. m.
Right.
Yeah, alcohol probably isn't the best way to unwind at this hour.
You know what really relaxes me?
Yoga.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
After a couple of long hours in the O.R., a few poses can really mellow me out.
I'm not into yoga.
No?
- So this is your office.
- Mm-hm.
Nice desk.
Need help with that?
You're up.
Where have you been?
It's after 2.
Oh, my God, already?
I was worried. 
I called the ER.
They said you left. 
Early, in fact.
Why didn't you answer your cell phone?
Um...
Why didn't I answer my cell phone?
I don't know.
Why didn't you answer your cell?
- You didn't call me tonight.
- I'm not... 
It's not...
When you were in Croatia and Joe was hurt...
"... and" I couldn't find "you... "
"... why" didn't you answer your cell phone?
- What's wrong with you?
- Nothing. 
I just... 
I had a long day.
- Where's Joe?
- Joe's fine. 
He's asleep.
You know what? 
Why do you do that?
- Do what?
- Drink in front of me.
You never once asked me was that okay with me or did that bother me.
You used to have a problem.
You're better now.
Well, it takes what it takes, right?
What does that mean?
I don't wanna do this now.
You don't wanna do this now?
It's about what you want, isn't it?
- This isn't the best time.
- What about what I want?
I mean, you promised and I believed you.
What are you talking about?
You said "let's do it together" in front of everyone. 
You promised.
- Okay, let's go to bed.
- I'm not tired.
- I have things to talk about.
- Okay, tomorrow.
We're not gonna talk tomorrow.
We need to talk now.
Hey.
My father died.
Subtitles by SDI Media Group

When a terminal patient seems to have given up, a good doctor will try anything to keep them going.
Betty, there's got to be something I can do to cheer you up.
I just wish I could see my dog.
So I'd just bring the dog in for a quick visit.
It would mean the world to her.
Ever since Elliot went into private practise,
Dr Kelso refused to speak to her.
He wouldn't say hello.
Good morning, Dr Kelso.
He wouldn't even say, "Watch out for that bucket. "
See you. 
I've got to go give an endocrinology lecture.
I got you.
My bad.
But Elliot didn't let it get to her.
Okay, let's talk about ectopic ACTH-secreting tumors.
Guys, cell phones off, please.
She didn't help things by bringing up Kelso's dead dog.
Oh, come on, you brought Baxter to the hospital when he was alive.
Did you want to ask me something?
Can a doctor bring a patient's dog into the hospital for a visit?
I'm going to say the same thing I said to my new gardener when he asked me for Easter off.
"No way, Jose. "
His name's actually Jose.
That's why I hired him.
Look, so we just hired a new nanny, and she is super hot.
Please don't make a big deal out of this, or Carla will go crazy.
Turk, who are you talking to?
I've seen a lot of hot girls. 
I know how...
Oh, my God.
We're going for a run with Izzy.
- Oh, J.D., this is Heather.
- Hi, how are you?
What's up?
Oh, my God, she's so hot, I have to go hug her "hello. "
- Keep it together.
- I can't, I'm gonna make a scene.
Just grab my leg. 
Grab my leg.
See you later.
- I'm light-headed.
- I can't feel my leg.
- I'm light-headed.
- I can't feel my...
You know what, it's too dark out.
I just realised, this tank top's a little see-through.
Go ahead.
Thank you so much for helping me sneak Boomer in, Janitor.
No problem. 
Here you go, boy.
- Okay, boy, okay.
- Oh, what a good boy!
Wait, what happened to all of your cleaning supplies?
Actually, that's a very funny story.
And?
Nothing. 
I'm just looking at my cleaning supplies.
I got drunk last night and threw them up in that tree.
Anyway, let's do this. 
Just stay cool.
No problemo.
Top of the morning, Dr Walter Mickhead.
Snoop Dogg Resident, when we hitting the clubs, yo?
Oh, Colonel Doctor, that tie looks finger-lickin' good.
Wow, so natural.
Did you act in college?
- I did, thank you.
- I can tell.
Hey, Carla. 
Check it out.
- He's so cute!
- Heads up, here comes trouble.
Oh, no. 
Don't worry.
Dr Kelso never makes eye contact with the patients.
Morning, sir.
Right. 
Hello again, sir.
Nice job, Mr Berkland.
Since Jordan had pre-natal surgery, she'd been on bed rest.
Dr Cox, however, was not.
Okay, I made you breakfast, the kitchen's as clean as a whistle,
I'm gonna drop Jack off at daycare on the way to work.
Is there anything else I can do for you?
I need you to go to the video store and get me anything with Viggo something-sen.
I need white chocolate, strawberry seltzer, peppercorn brie and a Polaroid of the tomato plant that I planted last spring because I'm worried it may have snails.
Oh, and if you see that neighbour, Lena, from down the hall,
I want you to roll your eyes and say the word "slut" under your breath, but loud enough so she can hear.
And don't forget to be home by 6:30 because you gotta give Jack his bath before you make my dinner.
But when will I have time to kill myself?
That's not my problem.
You know what sucks about having a hot nanny?
I can't even look at Heather without Carla going ballistic.
Sceptical air-five.
She can't be that hot.
Oh, really? 
Because I just so happen to have a video from my nanny-cam that begs to differ.
My mom put a nanny-cam in our bathroom.
She said my baths were too long.
Fire up the smut.
How did you assemble everybody so quickly?
Oh, I got the word out.
Booby!
Booby!
Booby!
We did everything we could for your mom, but sometimes life just...
Booby!
Got to go. 
Booby horn.
Here they come!
God, Keith and I haven't had sex in so long.
Okay, you said the same thing when you saw me changing Izzy's diaper.
What are you and Keith doing to each other?
Oh, thank you so much, Dr Reid.
Can you believe how different she looks?
I mean, thanks to Boomer, Betty has more energy, her vitals have improved.
If we keep this up, she might even get home and have a few more months.
Move.
What's up your butt?
Yeah, what is all up in there?
Why don't you hop aboard the What's-up-Dr. 
-Cox's-butt Trolley, and we can begin our tour.
Coming up on the left is my bloated, bed-ridden ex-wife who's not allowed to lift a finger, which, thankfully, leaves it all up to these guys.
Now, if you'll look to your right, you'll see my waning libido, my crushed soul and my very last nerve, which I would advise you not to get on, under or even close to.
Does it help to know that Jesus loves you?
It does not.
Well, everything happens for a reason.
Are you really trying to tell me that things like New Orleans, AIDS, sugar-free ice cream, crack babies,
Hugh Jackman and cancer all happen for a reason?
Because I'm sorry, I'm...
I'm just not buying that.
"God works all things for good. " Romans, 8:28.
Bull dinky.
Perry Cox, 6'1 ".
A buck eighty-five after lunch.
What's the matter? 
You're so fussy.
Why are you so fussy?
I'd let her give me a bath, I don't care if my mom was watching.
Could you make her eat a banana?
It's not interactive, Todd.
There it is!
There it is, let me...
Hey, baby!
- What are you guys watching?
- Football.
- Yeah, football.
- Yeah, football.
- Good game, good game.
- Football. 
Yeah.
Football? 
Isn't the season over?
And then every male in the room fell totally in sync, resulting in the rarest of all phenomenon, the seamless, collaborative guy-lie.
The American season is over.
We were watching Mexican football.
- They started late this year.
- Because of the churro vendors.
They went on strike and the players wouldn't cross the picket line.
When the dispute turned violent, they called in Rodrigo Vasquez, the owner of the Baja Banditos, to step in.
Thanks to Senor Vasquez's experience dealing with the fruit-pickers' unions, he was able to broker a last-minute deal, and the season was salvaged.
And that's why we're watching football in the spring.
Whatever.
And then Turk gave us the slightest of nods, which was the universal man-sign for, "Well done, men. 
She'll never know. "
Turk, what the hell?
Janitor, thank you so much for helping me sneak Boomer in again today.
No problem. 
I once snuck a mongoose in this thing to kill all the snakes.
- Why were there snakes in here?
- I snuck them in to kill all the mice.
Where's the disinfectant, Lurch?
I spilled soda on my desk this morning, and now it's all sticky.
Well, I'm all out. 
Here, use this.
You want me to clean soda with soda?
Are you questioning the way I do my job?
Did I question you when you did iliac bone marrow autopsy and failed to anesthetise the periosteum adequately?
No. 
No, you didn't.
Hey, the little fellow figured out the latch.
Just like the snakes.
Well, if it isn't Nurse "Everything Happens For A Reason. "
Oh, gosh darn it!
I went ahead and spilled a little coffee.
I wonder what the reason was for that?
Okay, I am not moving until you at least offer to help me up.
There is no rhyme or reason to anything, why can't you just get that?
Why is it so important that everyone believes what you do?
Because I'm right, and I'm the only one with any proof.
I'm still down here!
You don't need proof when the good Lord fills your heart with faith.
Oh, my God.
Thank you for that, Noelle.
You can keep on huffing and puffing all you want to, you're never gonna change the way I feel.
Oh, please! 
I am so angry right now...
You know what?
We're no longer speaking!
Guys, I need some help over here.
There are lots of different ways to win an argument.
You can win it with an ultimatum.
I interviewed 23 girls until I found Heather, but if I ever catch you eyeballing her again, I will fire her tight little butt.
And then you'll get to spend every waking moment interviewing the next 23 fugly-ass candidates until we find another good one.
You can try to win it with logic.
Tell Dr Kelso that I know it's against hospital policy but that this dog has literally helped keep Mrs Dombrow alive.
Mrs Dombrow passed away this morning at 4:00 a. m.
Tell Dr Reid there will be consequences for her insubordination, and say it with this face.
But the best way to win an argument is to simply leave your opponent speechless.
Patient was stabbed by a guy in a grocery store.
She's eight years old.
Why don't you go ahead and tell me what the reason is for this?
Then...
I blew Laverne's argument clean out of the water when I asked her why an eight-year-old got knifed.
Oh, my God, that is so lucky.
I know. 
I was thrilled, but then Laverne ruined everything.
There's a reason for this.
God's gonna show us eventually.
It's infuriating.
I must break her.
That feels so good.
I can't believe I'm about to say this, Per, but what the hell. 
You know how I can never use the word "love"
except in a sarcastic way, like, "I love other people's kids," or, "I love that haircut!"
By the way, love that haircut, Per!
Everybody does.
I just wanted to let you know that you've really been there for me these past few weeks, and
I'm really glad I have you.
That was embarrassing for you.
I know, and I don't care.
What's he smiling about?
Because of the dog thing,
Dr Kelso wants me to tell you that he has informed your office that you're temporarily suspended from practicing at Sacred Heart.
Just so you know, I told him he was being ridiculous.
What did he say?
He said, "Careful, Jumpsuit.
Who signs your paychecks?"
And I said, "I don't know. 
The Chief Accountant, Charles Fickinson
"or Dickinson or something, I can't read the signature.
"And, for the hundredth time, this is not a jumpsuit, it's a shirt and a pants.
"Who wears a belt with a jumpsuit?"
- And he says, "I may not have the... " 
- Random nurse, could you please send out a memo that unauthorised personnel are not allowed in the hospital?
Oh, here's Heather.
Why don't you look away and think about the kind of husband you are?
Look who's here, Izzy.
She's been a little fussy, so I'm going to walk her to the car with you, okay?
- See you, Mr Turk.
- See you.
You know, Heather? 
I actually have a little nanny-related question.
Does a spoonful of sugar really make the medicine go down?
You know what? 
Sometimes it does.
That was totally worth the six hours I spent last night writing that.
All right, look, I need you to do me a solid.
Ask Heather out on a date.
Don't worry, buddy.
You know how I roll.
I start with a couple off-the-cuff jokes just like that one.
Next up, I need you to find out if she's allergic to anything.
That way, I'll say I'm allergic to the same thing.
Women love that. "Gluten! 
Me, too!
We can eat together. "
Thirdly, if I lose a patient, I'll be able to cry like I just watched Extreme Home Makeover.
If everything goes according to plan,
I should be out with her on a casual, not-a-real-date, just-two-friends- having-a-beer-talking-about-their-lives thing in about seven to nine weeks.
I need you to ask her on a date right now.
I never told you this before, but any time you hook up with a chick, she automatically becomes hideous to me.
- Really?
- Hey, guys.
- Have you seen Carla?
- Yeah, she just went outside.
Thanks. 
I'm having a horrible fricking day.
I'll say.
You don't see that?
Laverne, excuse me, this is...
This is Mr Peterson.
He's that young lady's father.
As you can imagine, he's having a pretty tough time with all of this.
And since you believe that everything happens for a reason,
I was hoping you'd be able to tell him why this happened.
That's not her dad.
That's the delivery guy in a sweater.
- My name's Lloyd.
- Stay in character.
She's my world!
Okay, imagine that this idiot were her father.
What the hell would you say to him?
Oh, my God!
There's a tumour the size of a golf ball right where the knife went in.
If we hadn't found this, she'd be a goner.
I think that's what I'd say.
- How'd we do?
- Great. 
Go.
So until Kelso reinstates me here, my practise has me doing house calls on all their rich clients.
During the last one, I'm taking the woman's vitals and her grandson kept trying to poke his tiny little finger up my butt.
- Kids, huh?
- He's 41, Carla.
He just has very small hands.
Well, that's not right.
Can you believe Kelso?
Dr Kelso's just angry, Elliot.
I mean, have you ever considered it from his side?
His hospital trains you for five years, and you go get a better job.
Which is great!
But, I mean, let me ask you this.
Have you ever once thanked him?
- So how was your date with Heather?
- It was touch-and-go at the end.
- I had a really good time tonight.
- Thanks. 
Me, too.
But I knew you needed me, so I went for it, Italian-style.
That's not what you want.
And just when it couldn't get any better...
J. D?
Oh, my God. 
Chad Miller, Danny Murphy, Jim Stegger?
The three football players who used to beat me up in high school.
Looks like we were wrong about you, man.
What are you guys up to now?
We're all gay together.
- Do you remember Kristin Fisher?
- Of course!
You turned me down for homecoming and prom, even though I didn't ask you to either one.
Well, I'd love to make it up to you and have sex with both of you.
If that's all right with you, Heather.
As long as we make it all about J.D.
Sure!
Come on in.
Enough of this, let's go bang.
And that's why Heather will never look attractive to you again.
- Come on, buddy.
- Where did I lose you?
How did Kristin know Heather's name?
- Damn, you're good!
- Yeah.
We went line dancing, and I cut her with one of my spurs.
I'm sorry, buddy.
All right, baby, here it is.
Our nanny is very attractive, but you and I, we're married, our relationship is rock-solid.
So I think we both know it's no big deal if I look at her every once in a while, right?
Heather, we're gonna have to let you go.
So sorry.
Dr Kelso, I need to talk to you, and I know that you won't speak to me, but that's okay, because I just need you to listen.
You're a scary, scary man, and because I've been petrified of you,
I've stayed up every night for five years studying medical books which I can pretty much now recite in my sleep.
I don't have a husband or kids, and the last movie I went to see was The Blair Witch Project, which is the main reason I've stopped camping.
That and the time a wolf mounted me...
My point is you've helped push me to become the doctor that I am today.
And for that, I want to thank you.
One more thing. 
I'm sure that no dog could ever replace Baxter, but this little guy needs a home.
If you decide you don't want him, just bring him back to me.
- That was a coincidence.
- What?
That knife, it just happened to go into the exact right spot.
You do not get a win for dumb luck.
Look, if that's the way you choose to see the world, then so be it, but don't you dare try to take this away from me.
I've been coming in here every day for 24 years, watching children die and seeing good people suffer, and if I quit believing that there was a bigger plan behind all this, well,
I just wouldn't be able to show up tomorrow.
So just stop it!
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
You'd be surprised how many bad things happen around here for a reason.
Well, I wish I could believe that.
It was awful that Jordan had to have pre-natal surgery, but how have you two been since then?
I'm really glad I have you.
Better than ever.
Good night.
So maybe sometimes bad things do happen for a reason.
Like your hot nanny getting fired.
Turk, look at this!
You know, for a half-breed baby, your parents have some pretty nice stuff.
She was a racist thief.
A smoking-hot racist thief.
You look pretty.
Or how getting suspended can get a relationship back on track.
Dr Reid!
Consider your suspension over.
That said, you're still a ridiculous excuse for a doctor.
He talked to me.
Or how facing a tough situation can bring you closer together.
- How's that baby?
- She's hanging in there.
Be careful, though, because around here, if you start believing that bad things happen for a reason, it hurts that much more when they don't.
What's with all the sad faces?
Laverne was in a car accident on her way to work.
She's in a coma and unresponsive.

When a terminal patient seems to have given up, a good doctor will try anything to keep them going.
Betty, there's got to be something I can do to cheer you up.
I just wish I could see my dog.
So, I'd just bring the dog in for a quick visit, it would mean the world to her.
Ever since Elliott went into private practice, 
Dr. Kelso refused to speak to her.
He wouldn't say hello.
Good morning Dr. Kelso!
He wouldn't even say "Watch out for that bucket".
See ya, I gotta go give that endocrinology lecture.
I gotcha.
My bad.
But Elliott didn't let it get to her.
Ok, let's talk about topic ACTH-secreting tumors,
Guys, cellphones off, please.
Oooooh.
She didn't help things by bringing up Kelso's dead dog.
Come on, you brought Baxter to the hospital, when he was alive.
Did you want to ask me something?
Can a doctor bring a patient's dog into the hospital for a visit?
I'm going to say the same thing I said to my new gardener, when he asked me for a Easter off.
No way, Jose.
His name's actually Jose, that's why I hired him.
So we just hired a new nanny, and she's super hot, please don't make a big deal out of this or Carla'll go crazy.
Turk, who are you talking to?
I've seen a lot of hot girls, and I had...
Oh my God!
We're going for a run with Izzy.
Oh, JD, this is Heather.
- Hi, how are you?
- What's up?
Oh my God, she's a love!
I have to hug her alot.
- Keep it together!
- I can't, I'm gonna make a scene.
Grab my leg, grab my leg!
See you later!
Uaaaahh!
I'm like headed.
- I can't feel my leg!
- I'm like headed!
- I can't feel my...
- Shhhh!
You know what, it's too dark out.
Just why is this teen top so overall see-through?
Go ahead!
Auuuch!
Eeehhh... 
Ahhh!
ItaSA Scrubs team presents
Scrubs 
- Season 06 Episode 14 My No Good Reason VO Subtitles
Transcript: 
Teorouge, JDsClone, Matters, Tania, gi0v3.
Sync: 
R!
ck, gi0v3
Revision: gi0v3.
Thank you so much for helping me sneak Boomer, Janitor.
No problem.
- Go boy.
-Ok, right? 
Ok.
- Oh, what a good boy, what a good boy.
- Ooh!
Hey, what happend to all of your cleaning supplies?
Actually, it's a very funny story and?
Nada, I'm just looking at my cleaning supplies,
I got drunk last night, he threw them up that tree.
Anyway, let's do this.
Just stay cool.
No problemo.
Oh, top of the morning, Dr. Walter Mickhead?
Snoop Dogg resident, when we hit in the club, dude?
Oh, Colonel doctor, that tie looks finger-looking good.
So natural, did you act in college?
- I did, thank you.
- You can tell.
Hey Carla!
Check-it-out!
He's so cuuute!
Hey Zap, here comes trouble.
Oh no, don't worry,
Dr. Kelso never makes eye contact with patients.
Morning, sir.
Right, hello again sir!
Nice job, Mr. Burklin.
Since Jordan had pre-natal surgery, she'd been on bed rest.
Dr. Cox however was not.
Ok, I made your breakfast, the kitchen's as clean as a whistle, I'm gonna drop Jack off at daycare, on the way to work.
Is there anything else I can do for you?
I need you to go to the videostore and get me anything with Viggo SomethingSen,
I need white chocolate, strawberry seltzer, peppercorn brie, and a polaroid of the tomato plant that I planted last spring, beacuse I'm worried it may have snails.
Oh, and if you see that neighbor Lena from down the hall I want you to roll your eyes and say the word "Slut" under your breath, but loud enough so she can hear.
And don't forget to be home by 6:30, because you gotta give Jack his bath before you make me dinner!
But when will I have time to kill myself?
That's not my problem!
I know it sucks about having a hot nanny,
I can't even look at Heather without Carla go on balistic.
Skeptical airfive!
She can't be that hot.
Oh, really, because I just so happened to have a video from my nanny-cam, that begs to differ.
My mom put a nanny-cam in our bathroom, she said my baths were too long.
Ooooh.
Fire up the smut.
How did you summon everybody so quickly?
Oh, I got the word out.
Boooooooooobieeeeeeeee
Boooooooooobieeeeeeeee
Boooooooooobieeeeeeeee
We did everyting we could for your mum, but... sometimes life just...
Boooooooooobieeeeeeeee
Gotta go, boobie horn.
Here they come.
God, Keith and I haven't had sex in so long,
Ok, you said the same thing when you saw me changing Izzy's diaper,
What are you and Keith doing to each other?
Oh, thank you so much, Dr. Reid.
Can you believe how different she looks?
Well, thanks to Boomer Betty has more energy, her vitals have improved,
If she keeps this up she might even get home within a few of months.
- Go off!
- What's up to your butt?
!
Yeah. 
What is all up in there?
Why don't you hop aboard the "What's up Dr. Cox's butt" trolley and we can begin our tour.
Coming up on the left, is my bloated, bed-ridden ex-wife, who's not allowed to lift a finger, which, thankfully, leaves it all up to these guys.
Now, if you look to your right, you'll see my waning libido, my crushed soul and my very last nerve, which I would advise you not to get on,under, or even close to.
Doesit help to know that Jesus loves you?
It does not.
Everything happens for a reason.
Are you really trying to tell me that things like
New Orleans, AIDS, sugar free ice-creams, crack baby, Hugh Jackman and cancer all happenin' for a reason?
Because, I'm sorry, I'm...
I'm just don't buying that.
"God works all things for good".
Romans, 8.28.
Bull thinkin'.
Perry Cox, 6.1... buck 85 after lunch.
I'd like her to give me a bath, I don't care if my mom is watching.
Can you make her eat a banana?
It's not interactive, Todd.
There it is, there it is I mean, oh, here...
Hey baby! 
What are you guys watching?
Football!
?
*All say: "yeah, football" *
Football? 
Isn't the season over?
And then, every man in the room felt totally in sync, resulting in the rarest of all phenomenon:
The seamless, collaborative, guy lie.
American season is over.
We're watching Mexican football.
- It started late this year.
- Because of the Churro vendors,
They went and strike and the players wouldn't cross the pickett line.
When the dispute turned in violent they called in Rodrigo Vasques, the owner of the Baha Banditos, to step in.
Thank to senor Vasques his experience stealing with the fruit pickers unions, he was able to broker a last-minute deal and the season was salvaged.
And that's why we're watchin' football in this spring.
Whatever.
And then Turk gave us the slightest of nods which was the universal men's sign for: "well done men, she'll never know".
Turk, what the hell!
Janitor, thank you so much forhelping me sneak Boomer in again, today.
No problem. 
I once stuck a mongoose in this thing to kill all the snakes.
- Why were there snakes in here?
- That's not come in, to kill all the mice.
Where's the disinfectant, Lurch? 
I spilled soda on my desk this morning and now it's so sticky.
Well I'm not allowed. 
Here, use this.
You want me to clean soda with soda?
Are you questioning the way I do my job?
Did I question you when you did iliac bone marrow autopsy and failed to anestethyze the periostium, how about that?
No. 
No you didn't.
Hey-hey! 
The lone fellow figured out the ledge.
Just like the snakes.
Well, if it is nurse "Everything happens for a reason".
Oh, gosh, darn it.
I wanna haven't spilled a little coffee, I wonder what the reason was for that!
Oh Waah!
Ah!
Okay, I'm not moving until you at least offer to help me up.
There is no rhyme or reason to anything.
Why can't you just get that?
Why is it so important that everyone believes what you do?
Because I'm right and I'm the only one with any proof
I'm still down here!
You don't need proof when the good Lord fills your heart with faith.
Oh my God!
Ouch! 
Thank you for that Nowelle.
You can keep on huffing and puffing all you wanna do, you never gonna change the way I feel.
- Oh please! 
I'm so angry right now!
- You know what?
We're no longer speaking!
Guys? 
I need some help over here.
There are a lot of different ways to win an argument.
You can win it with an ultimatum..
I interviewed 23 girls until I found Heather but if I ever catch you eyeballing her again,
I will fire her tight little butt.
And then you get to spend every waking moment interviewing the next 23 fugly ass candidates until we find another good one.
You can try to win it with logic..
Tell Dr. Kelso that I know that's against hospital policy, but that this dog has literally helped keep Mrs. Danbrow alive.
Mrs. Danbrow passed away this morning at 4 AM.
Tell Dr. Reid there will be consequences for her insubordination and say it with this face.
But the best way to win an argument is to simply leave your opponent speachless.
I think she was stubbed by a guy at the grocery store. 
She's 8 years old.
Why don't you go and tell me what the reason is for this?
And then, bump, bang.
I blew Laverne's argument clean out of the water when I asked her why
- an 8-year old got knifed.
- Oh, my God, that is so lucky.
I know. 
I was thrilled. 
But then...
- Laverne ruined everything.
- There's a reason for this.
God's gonna show us eventually.
It's infuriating. 
I must break her...
That feels so good!
I can't believe I'm about to say this, Per, but... what the hell,
You know how I can't never use the word "love" except in a sarcastic way like, "I love other people's kids!", or, "I love that haircut!"
- By the way, love that haircut, Per!
- Everybody does.
I just... wanna let you know... that...
You've really been there for me these past few weeks and...
I'm really glad I have you.
- That was embarrassing for you.
- I know and I don't care.
- What's he smiling about?
- Because of the dog thing...
Dott. 
Kelso wants me to tell you that he's informed your office that you are temporarily suspended from practicing at Sacred Heart.
So, you know
- I told him he was being ridiculous.
- And what did he say?
He said: "Careful Jumpsuit!
Who sign your paychecks?"
And I said: "I don't know, the chief accountant, Charles
Fickenson... 
Dickenson or something, I can't read the signature."
And for the hundredth time this is not a jumpsuit.
It's a shirt and a pants.
Who wears a belt with the jumpsuit?
- And he said, "I mean, I have the..." 
- RANDOM nurse, could you please send out a memo that unauthorized personnel are not allowed in the hospital.
Oh, here's Heather. 
Why don't you look away and think about the kind husband you are?
Huh, look who's here Izzie!
She's been a little fussy, so I gonna walk her at the car with you, ok?
- See you, Mr. Turk.
- See ya!
Oh, you know, Heather, I actually have a little nanny related question.
Does a spoonful of sugar really make the medicine go down?
You know what? 
Sometimes it does.
That was totally worth the six hours I spent last night writing that!
All right, look, I need you to do me a FAVOUR.
- Ask Heather out on a date.
- Don't worry, buddy!
You know how I rule. 
I start with a couple of off the cough jokes... just like that one. 
Next step I need you to find out if she's allergic to anything.
That way I'll say, "I'm allergic to the same thing."
Women love that, "Gluten, me toooo! 
We can eat together."
Thirdly, if I lose a patient, I'll be able to cry like I've just watched "Extreme Home Makeover".
If everything goes according to plan...
I should be out with her on a casual, not a real date, just two friends having a beer, talking about their lives thing
- in about 7 to 9 weeks.
- I need you to ask her on a date right now.
I'm crazy! 
What to do?
What to do? 
He said I'm a pervert!
Why? 
Does your tooth hurt?
Ah! 
It's so embarrassing!
Embarrassing?
I'm about to die of embarrassment.
Don't talk to me.
Do your homework.
Ah! 
What to do?
Why? 
Why are you embarrassed?
I just am. 
Don't bother about me!
Hurry up and do your homework.
You are not embarrassed but guilty!
Ah, what to do?
See you again, Ji Min.
We will meet again tomorrow.
Will you help me protect her?
Stay beside Young Shin and protect her.
Why don't you do it then?
If you are so worried, why don't you?
That's impossible.
I won't.
I am unable to.
If she falls, pick her up.
If she is hurt, help her to apply medicine.
Even if she doesn't need your help, you have to help her.
If she cries, wipe away her tears.
Take good care of Grandpa too.
Take good care of Bom just like you are her father.
Oh, Yong Joo? 
It's Uncle.
Has Aunty Eun Hee awoken yet?
Is she beside you?
Miss Seo Eun Hee, did you sleep well?
Ahjussi! 
It's time for your meal!
Open the door! 
Ahjussi!
Did he go out?
It'd be better if he went straight back to Seoul.
Mom!
Ahjussi! 
It's time to eat! 
Ahjussi!
His bag is still around!
Ahjussi has yet to go back to Seoul, Mom.
I only rented the room out for one day. 
Who told you that you could stay here for 2 or 3 days?
!
Who are you talking to, Mom?
People should have a sense of conscience!
How could you shout at people who help you?
Do I look like a squid to you because I take everything so smoothly?
Do I seem motionless to you because I don't do anything?
You must have taken me as a wrapping cloth since I've been bearing with you.
Move out immediately!
If I were to say that, he'd definitely beat me.
Mom... 
Mom...
I do have a history of violence.
But I have never beaten a woman.
I haven't had breakfast at all.
In future, two pieces of toast and a cup of coffee will do.
In future?
In future, will you be staying at our house?
Alrite!
Hey! 
In future...
And I don't eat it completely toasted so make it half-toasted. 
In future.
Aren't you picking it up?
It isn't my phone.
Hello?
It's Choi Seok Hyeon.
Yes.
Have you had your breakfast?
In future, I don't want to have rice for breakfast.
I want toast and coffee.
No.
It's time to start work.
Let's start then.
We'll meet at 9.30 at that place.
And wear something comfortable.
We might have to use some of our strength.
- Dad! 
Don't let go!
- I know.
- You mustn't let go.
- I know, I know.
Put your legs up. 
That's right.
Oh, you're doing well.
In future? 
In future?
Toast and coffee. 
Toast and coffee.
Who is he? 
What rights does he have?
Toast and coffee!
Where do we have toast and coffee in our house?
Shall I go buy?
Hey! 
Hang on!
Is our house a motel?
Is it an inn?
He doesn't ask the owner at all. 
Why is he always making decisions on his own?
What a joke, really.
Where are you going?
I want to chase him away. 
Why?
Don't do that, Mom...
Let Ahjussi stay here.
I'll buy Bom Dong Ee for you too.
I'll buy you 100 or even 1000 Bom Dong Ees.
You become like this after receiving a soft toy. 
What is with you?
How can you be so materialistic at such a young age?
Did I teach you that?
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Go to the side!
Even if my mom chases you away, don't leave, Ahjussi.
Seems like you've heard it all. 
I won't say much already.
Move out from...
I'll take away a week and pay for one month.
I've paid a month's rent at the rate of 10000 won per day.
If you need more, just say it.
And I don't like it when there's a stench.
Food like prawn paste, bean paste, and kimchi.
It's money!
How much is this?
It seems like over a billion won!
What does this ahjussi take us for?
- Daughter.
- Yes?
Go buy some bread and coffee.
Will Ahjussi be staying for... eee... ver in our house?
Since there is an empty room, we will let him stay.
Why? 
What are you thinking about?
You think that I changed my mind because of money?
Of course, with this money, we need not worry about Grandpa's medical bills.
And we need not rely on your insurance for a year.
It can also help pay for Young Woo's hostel fees.
But I am not a person who is greedy for money.
But it isn't because of money...
Yes, yes, yes. 
I love money. 
So what?
I am materialistic. 
So what?
There is no other choice even if you are disappointed in me.
You cannot bring me down just by saying bad about me.
Who doesn't love money in this world?
Find someone who doesn't. 
Do you know anyone here who doesn't?
Find them out for me.
Mom.
What?
I didn't say anything at all.
Exactly.
If I'm unable to see her, Hyung, you help me tell her.
Ahjussi!
Ahjussi!
That child... 
It was my mistake.
My mom allowed me to buy bread and coffee.
Now, Ahjussi, you can stay in our house. 
Happy, huh?
It wasn't on purpose, and I'm sorry.
2000 won per day is enough.
This is too much.
2000 won is already a lot.
I'll take the rest.
Deong Dari, your favorite soup is here!
It's rice soup. 
You like it, right?
She will forgive me.
She seems to be very nice.
The mother of the child.
Wait for me!
Wait for me!
Let's go together, Ahjussi!
Let's go together! 
Wait up!
Why did you run here?
Did anyone chase you?
I said 'Wait for me' so many times.
Why are you walking alone?
Where are you going?
To school. 
What about you?
What is the time now?
You still go to school?
Although I'm late, it's alright.
I am late everyday.
Won't your teacher scold you?
Yes. 
She has given up.
What about your mom?
My mom gave up on me too.
Are you that easy?
What?
Have you given up on your life?
Forget about you. 
But what about your teacher and your mom?
Do you feel proud being late for school everyday?
How old are you already? 
You should take the time while you're alive...
Hurry up and go.
Aren't you going?
Yes.
But, what does living a reckless life mean?
Hurry up and go to school.
Hurry up and go.
Don't just look on the ground.
Watch what is in front.
Yes.
Eun Hee, someone is here.
Oh, I will be back early.
You seem to have gotten the cold. 
Don't go anywhere else.
It's my girlfriend.
I let her play on her own. 
And she says she wants to give up.
I didn't ask anything.
You said you are good in doing jobs that require strength?
Well.
Have you fought before?
That is my hobby and my skill.
That's good.
Let's stretch a few of our muscles today.
Because we have to save a lost sheep.
There's something I want to ask you.
That ahjumma in the house that I live in... 
Is she your woman?
You don't have to answer if you don't want to.
No.
I think Mr. Squid has forgotten to come to the South Sea to swim and play.
Why can't I seem to spot one?
Let's forget about it and go to my house and play Go-Stop.
Okay! 
Great! 
We'll do that.
Hey, Bom! 
You come over too!
There isn't anything today.
We made a trip for nothing.
I'll stay around here.
You all go back first.
Did you catch many?
Oh, it is someone I know.
I am Seok Hyeon's fiancee.
We met back then.
With your daughter, Seok Hyeon, and Seok Hyeon's mother.
Yes. 
Hello.
Oh my, it really is a squid!
Did you catch those on your own?
Can I touch it?
Hey! 
Look at me! 
Oh, it's so unbelievable.
Can you give this to me?
You can take it.
Thank you.
That... 
Can I take one more?
Thank you!
I want to tell Seok Hyeon that I was the one who caught it.
What are we doing?
Playing baseball?
If I don't come out in 10 minutes, come in and save me.
Who are you, bastard?
I am here to kill you guys.
You even have the guts to touch my brother.
Today, you guys are dead.
Mom!
Be honest, you kid.
Try to touch our Joon Tae again.
At that time, there will not be a warning.
I'll bury you alive without you knowing.
- Got it?
- Yes.
- Understood?
- Yes.
You are quite good at it.
I am not your personal worker.
President sent me here to help with the company.
If she knows I'm helping you with personal matters, she'll probably be mad at you.
Don't tell President then.
Seok Hyeon's mother, Yong Joo...
If I were to cook it, it wouldn't be enough, right?
I should have caught more.
You go back first.
I want to catch a few more.
You head back home first.
That won't do.
With that outfit, you can't go to such a place.
And not everyone can catch squids.
It's ok. 
Even if I can't catch them, it's interesting. 
Besides, I have nothing to do.
I'll see you again next time.
That...
Just stay put.
You cannot get out on your own. 
So just stay put and wait.
I almost died here.
What to do?
- Are you coming up?
Yes.
Lift up your heels first.
What to do?
Walk out from here.
What to do? 
Your face is dirty too.
Hurry up and get up.
Oh, your heels.
Is it nearby?
Wear this first. 
I really cannot find your heel.
It's alright. 
It's fine.
Wouldn't you be barefooted then?
I have stockings with me, so it's alright. 
Put it on.
I am fine.
You must have caught a cold.
Once you get back home, have a shower.
Yes. 
Thank you.
Why aren't they here yet?
Grandpa.
If you continue to misbehave, I will not play with you ever again.
Take out the chocolate that my mom gave.
Take it out! 
Ka Ka 98%
- Oh, Young Shin Noona!
- Bom!
Grandpa!
What is this? 
You're asking to get my sister-in-law's heels?
If you said so earlier, I would have searched the entire cupboard.
Why is your face like this?
Who caused this?
Noona, did you do this?
Are you having fun with Doo Cha, Mr. Lee?
Doo Cha is a pig-headed idiot!
Don't you recognize me, sister-in-law?
I am Seok Hyeon's primary and middle school senior.
I even brought fish over.
You are Seok Hyeon's fiancee, right?
You are from Seoul, right?
Ah, yes. 
Hello.
Seok Hyeon belongs to our family!
- Grandpa!
- Seok Hyeon is our Seok Hyeon!
You pig-headed idiot!
He isn't! 
Seok Hyeon is my hyung.
You are a fool who doesn't know anything!
Seok Hyeon is Young Shin's friend, you pig-headed...!
- Seok Hyeon is Young Shin's friend.
- Grandpa! 
Don't do this!
- Seok Hyeon is Young Shin's friend!
- I'm not playing with Grandpa anymore.
Mr. Lee!
Mom! 
Mom!
Child!
For the resort, the most critical issue to tackle is how much money we have to spend to buy the land we want.
That's the most critical and difficult problem.
There are 5 people who'd rather die than sell their land.
What are you saying all of a sudden?
From now on, we must work to convince those 5 people.
If that's too difficult, then find someone who can control all 5 of them.
Thank you. 
Thank you.
That's the person, Joon Tae's mother. 
Everyone calls her Hong Ma.
Just convincing her alone will do too.
Do you have experience with women?
Just the usual. 
I'll manage.
It sure seems you will.
It's not easy to get a hold of that woman.
Wait!
What's wrong?
Did you get hurt there earlier?
What did you say, jerk?
I can't leave you alone now.
Where are you? 
Where's that place?
Eun Hee is having fever and chills now.
She's quite sick so you better get back here now.
Even if the President is sick, he's not as important as Eun Hee to you.
You get right back here, you bad fella!
Is Eun Hee a widow? 
Is she?
Speak for yourself: 
What have you done?
She was already down with the flu.
She went out there on her own, and ended up like this.
Where are you now?
You're not with Young Shin again? 
You!
I'll call you again.
Hey! 
How can a doctor be so dumb?
How many hours has it been? 
You didn't even know you were stabbed?
You didn't realize you were bleeding?
Stitch me up.
Wait!
I've yet to check if your internal organs are damaged.
Whether I can stitch you up or you need an operation, I need to check thoroughly.
Forget it. 
Just stitch me up.
I am the doctor here, Sunbae*. (*senior)
Prepare the suture set.
Are you ignoring me?
I said just suture up.
Are you ignoring me here? 
Really!
Oh dear!
Where... where are you going?
Wait... what are you doing?
You're not answering me.
It seems you're really ignoring me.
I'll ask you one last time.
Are you ignoring me?
Please sit down.
I'll find it for you.
Sit over there.
Doctor!
He's looking down on me!
Who is he?
Why did he ignore me?
How can you idle over here like this?
Doctor!
From now on, I'm not the doctor.
How can you say that, Doctor?
Get in there quickly. 
Hurry!
I said I'm not doing it anymore. 
Really!
Doctor!
I'm giving it up! 
What kind of doctor am I?
He ignored me!
- Doctor! 
Doctor!
- Noona!
- Doctor!
- Noona!
- What shall I do?
- Noona!
Where's the doctor?
He left.
What?
He was so insulted he said he wasn't going to be a doctor and he left.
Get me lidocaine.
You're giving yourself an anesthesia?
What to do? 
What to do? 
What to do?
Mom!
Mom!
Mom!
Oh no! 
Grandpa, I'm sorry!
What did I do?
Wait, Grandpa.
Yes, Unni.
Batman?
Oh, that guy who's staying at my house?
What happened to him?
What?
Oh, Doctor!
You're worried so you came back.
You did it so well.
You're great at it.
I worried for nothing.
Quack, I'm here!
Oh, the Seoul fake doctor is here too!
Both of them here, what are you doing?
Ahjussi!
I'll give you a TD*. (*a kind of jab)
Is the Seoul fake doctor injured?
You're so arrogant, you deserve it.
You better go home.
You're not a good drinker.
Why did you drink?
I wanted to die so I drank. 
So what?
I wanted to die so I drank some poison.
This man here wants to live like a man even if it's just for one day.
What? 
Give up?
Give up my life as a man?
Live my life as a single man?
Then, have I been living as an animal all this time?
You're at least a doctor.
Was that all you could say to me?
Ahjussi! 
Ahjussi! 
Ahjussi!
Really!
Let him lie down first, then get ready the stuff for flushing his stomach.
Let me go! 
I want to die.
I want to die so why flush out my stomach?
You quack*!
(*DoPaRa=fake/unqualified)
Ahjussi!
Aren't you a DoPaRa?
para, para, DoPaRa!
Yes, I'm a DoPaRa.
Because I'm one, I know how to flush the stomach and stitch a wound.
Will that do?
And, no matter how useless I am, what mistakes I've made, no matter how much I'm unlike a doctor, how can you look down on me like that?
Is a famous doctor always going to be famous?
Is a DoPaRa always going to be a DoPaRa?
You... 
You didn't manage to save your own girlfriend, did you?
Yo.* (*suffix added to make the speech more polite)
Hey, Doctor!
Wow, really? 
He killed his own girlfriend?
He killed his own girlfriend?
Even if he killed his own girlfriend, in my eyes, you're still a doctor.
I've checked this out...
You're really a capable doctor, Do Pa...
No, capable doctor!
Today, because I was so pessimistic, I took some poison.
You wouldn't ignore me, would you?
As I see it, with your abilities to heal, you'll surely know how to treat my disease.
Isn't it?
Ahjussi, don't do this.
Let's flush your stomach first.
Am I better off dead?
Dead? 
Dead! 
Dead!
Go and die.
Min Hyung!
Go and die if you want to.
Die?
What did you just say?
Say it again.
Go and die if you want to.
Give me a ride to where I live.
You're a doctor?
I'm not answering questions.
I'm not answering questions now. 
Just drive.
Let's go.
Just now, that guy was telling me to go and die, right?
No. 
How can a man who's a doctor tell another man to go and die?
I can take him to court.
Ahjussi! 
Ahjussi!
We need to flush your stomach first.
How much did you take, Ahjussi?
I didn't. 
I bluffed.
What?
I was just too angry.
I just wanted to scare him.
"Looks like you have to give up being a man, Ahjussi!"
Ever since that Do Pa at the health clinic told me those words, I already died.
You really gave me a bad scare.
I'm sorry, Suh Ran.
Yes, yes.
Thanks, Noona.
It was all lies, Park Ahjussi.
You could tell, right?
I know. 
I won't ask.
The ahjumma from where I live.
Were you waiting for us?
Yes.
I got a call from Suh Ran Unni.
Are you alright?
I'm not alright.
She said you're not to move.
You have to keep still.
You don't have to help me.
It's not that serious.
See! 
Who says it's not serious?
You're almost dying.
Lie down here quickly.
Got it. 
Just leave.
I'll leave when I see you lying down.
I will lie down. 
Just leave.
I'll see you lie down then leave.
Suh Ran Unni told me to watch you carefully.
Am I a cri...
Am I a criminal that you have to watch me?
Anyhow, just listen to me or...
Let's lie down together.
Didn't you say you have to watch me?
You might as well just lie next to me to watch me. 
It's more convenient.
Oh my! 
Oh my!
Ah! 
Painful!
So painful!
I saw him lying down before coming out here. 
Don't worry.
Are you alright?
I'm fine.
Thank you.
Call me if there's anything.
I will.
Seok Hyeon, did you deliberately not come in?
Did you deliberately not alight and come in?
Because it's my home?
I'm going.
Where is my Seok Hyeon?
What?
The folks at the clinic said he might be at your place.
Where is he, my Seok Hyeon?
He just left.
Why on earth must he come here?
His fiancée came looking for me but he spends the entire day away.
What on earth do you have at your house that he has to come here?
Did you ask him to come?
Did you tell him to come?
No, it's nothing like that.
Because you're my friend's daughter, I treat you like my own daughter too.
Seeing that you're pitiful, I show care and concern for you.
How can you do this to me?
Ahjumma, you must have misunderstood.
What do you mean by 'misunderstood'?
You seem so naïve on the surface, but you're so conniving inside.
You think I don't know?
From the time you decided to bring up a fatherless child...
When you gave birth, I could already tell.
You've got it wrong.
You've got it wrong, Ahjumma.
Whether it's a misunderstanding or not, when are you leaving this village?
When do you plan to leave?
Whether you go west or south, take your grandpa and Bom and leave quickly.
If you need money, I'll give it to you.
Money for room rental, I'll give it to you.
Because of you and Bom, I can't eat everyday.
Because of what people have been saying nonstop these past 8 years, there's not one day I can sleep in peace.
Today when I weighed myself at the sauna, I realized that because of you, I've lost 10kg. 10kg!
How? 
What are you going to do?
Do you want me to beg you?
Do you want me to beg on my knees?
Ahjumma, I'm sorry.
If I leave this place, my grandpa won't live.
Grandma, Dad, and Mom are all here in this sea.
Even though he's senile, he still remembers that.
If it's not here, my grandpa can't live on.
Then what's to be done?
What will you do?
Do you want to see with your own eyes, Kang Bok Ja going into the coffin?
I'll do whatever you want me to do.
Other than leaving this place,
I'll do whatever you want me to do.
It's for real, I promise you.
Then get married now before my Seok Hyeon gets married. 
The earlier the better.
The man named Cho Sung Gyu, whose photo I gave you earlier, he's got a good job and he has no children.
If he wasn't a bad judge of people, he wouldn't pick one like you. 
He's a partner you could only dream of.
Do you understand?
I know.
I know, Ahjumma.
Sorry.
From tomorrow, I won't let you be lonely.
Even when I'm working, I'll take you with me.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Eun Hee.
What happened to your face?
Where did it happen?
Who did this to you?
I'm fine.
It'll be better tomorrow.
Don't come near.
You'll be infected.
Then let me be.
I'll be sick on your behalf.
Let me be infected.
Who are you? 
I am Bom.
Who are you?
I am Young Shin.
I'm not just Young Shin.
I'm the mother of Bom, Lee Young Shin.
That's why I'm so strong, and so healthy, and so lively.
No matter how hard life is, I won't complain.
No matter how sad life is, I won't cry.
Maybe you won't believe this, but it's true.
Isn't this all too beautiful that it's a little sickening?
Young Shin! 
Bom!
Our doctor's pride is hurt so he can't come himself.
But he's still worried so he wanted me to ask you for help.
What's this?
He may get an inflammation.
If his fever is above 38 degrees or his abdomen is painful, call me immediately.
Also, his temperature must be taken on the hour.
He won't listen to me, and he won't let me stay by his side.
If I could do it, it would be like striking the lottery for me.
If not for my husband, of course I'd like to stay by Batman's side 365 days a year.
Anyway, I can't do it, Unni.
I'm scared.
Hey, if he gets an inflammation, he could die, silly girl!
Will he die?
Yes.
Oh, yes!
Batman... 
I heard that his girlfriend died not long ago.
I heard she had pancreatic cancer and Batman did an operation on her, but she died.
How did you find out?
The doctor heard about it from his former classmates in medical school.
Because he's so remorseful, he gave up being a doctor.
And ended up messing his life like this.
I even heard he wanted to die with her.
What kind of girl could she have been?
What could she have looked like for Batman to love her this much?
This is the first time I'm envious of a dead person.
That lady gave Bom a teddy bear.
I met her, Unni.
Excuse me!
This is Bom's mom.
I'm coming in.
I'll count to 3 then I'll come in.
1... 2... 3!
I told you to lie on the mattress. 
Why didn't you?
Does he have a fever or not?
I'll take your temperature.
What are you doing?
I'm fine. 
You should just leave.
Suh Ran Unni told me to watch over you.
I told you to leave. 
I'm fine.
That inflammation... 
You get it and you'll die.
I'm a doctor.
I know my own body best.
Leave.
Didn't you say you were not a doctor?
Leave!
Leave, Ahjumma.
Don't lose your temper. 
Just lie down on the mattress.
Then let's lie down together.
That will do, right?
This is a FREE fansub. 
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Main Translators: iluxxx, ai* Spot Translator: purpletiger86
Timer: 
ltrang
Editor/QC: thunderbolt
Coordinators: mily2, ay_link
A fool you are
Really... thank you
You who only see me, who give everything to me without sparing
An angel you are
It must be hard and tiring for you at times
But you believe in me without wavering, when I have nothing to show
Isn't it strange?
It seems you have no tears
Even when you're in pain, you smile for me
I smile because I am happy by your side
These words I have kept at the bottom of my throat
I really love you
My foolish love which cannot even be expressed
Now I finally say this...
I live because you exist
Are you interested in me?
Are you interested in me, haraboji*?
(*grandpa; referring to Gi Seo)
If I said yes... 
If I said yes, would you match-make with me?
You do this again and starting tomorrow you won't get food.
Ahjussi, are you disappointed in me?
Are you saying it's difficult for me to get pregnant? 
Is that what you mean?
Did you want to survive alone and run away?
That man...
He's an evil liar pretending to be a doctor!
Buddha has a good heart...
Very gentle and warm.
That's why she's a Buddha, you fool.
Don't go.
Don't go, Ahjussi.
I'm suddenly interested in what you've discarded to achieve your dreams.
Maybe it's love or a woman.
Bom, don't cry.
Living like this, don't you feel sorry to your girlfriend who has died already?
You're a bad mother!
Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad

Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Episode 1
Hey! 
Stand there! 
Stay! 
Hey! 
Stand there!
Help her up. 
A kid just fell.
Why are you just standing there?
You get up quick.
How can a doctor do this?
- What did you say?
- Are you okay?
When a patient is down, you should be asking, "Are you hurt?", show some care, and help her up.
Oh, what's this?
Is this a garden for you to run around in?
Don't let me catch you again!
Kids!
- Sickening, right?
- Yes.
He wasn't like this in the past.
In the past?
Yes, a year ago when I was 6.
At that time, he bought me biscuits to cajole me and make me happy.
Now he's completely changed.
But why did you bother to scold this doctor?
Because he was rude.
Ah, but what is his name?
I'm Min Gi Seo, a surgeon for 4 years.
Although I look young, I really am a surgeon. 
If you don't believe me, go check it out for yourself.
Wait, are there no other doctors?
The best doctor in this hospital...
I don't know who the best doctor is but now all the professors are doing operations...
How many times have I said it?
Then let's wait. 
Wait till the professors are done...
Are you waiting for a funeral here?
Because this is very urgent, it's critical to do the operation right now.
Doctor Min is very good too.
Then, can you guarantee that he will be saved? 
Can you make that a promise?
Have you taken the wrong medication?
Why should I give you any guarantee?
Who knows what you will do?
Oh dear! 
Mom, what should we do about him?
Doctor! 
Hyung!
If you're so uneasy, change to another hospital. 
I'm very busy too.
Hyung! 
Hyung! 
Why?
Doctor! 
Hyung!
My son... 
Please do the operation for him.
Let me go, auntie. 
Didn't you say you don't trust me?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
If you go, then just kill me first.
Suction.
Clamp.
Clamp.
Scalpel.
Cut.
Bring it.
Gauze. 
More!
Give me your hand.
Hold onto it tightly.
It's 3.30pm, right? 
Just hold onto this till 4pm.
Vitals?
It's good so far.
It's a V. fib.
Defibrillator!
Charge it up to 200.
Clear!
Clear!
No signals.
350 joules.
It's not working.
Diaphragm.
Are you doing an open massage? 
Are you?
Scalpel!
Young Shin! 
Hey, Young Shin!
Eat some more. 
Then you'll get better and grow healthy.
So obedient, my granny.
I sink Jeon Ji Hyun is so sexy.
Not "sink". 
It"s "think".
I think Jeon Ji Hyun is so sexy. 
Ok?
Ok.
I think Jeon Ji Hyun is so sexy.
Dad.
Don't let me go. 
I won't ever leave you again.
Make me stay, Seok Hyeon, make me stay.
I'm not suitable for you. 
I'm very poor.
And I have a senile mother and a daughter.
I'm uneducated. 
I didn't even graduate from senior high.
So what? 
Just let me love you. 
Is that stuff important?
Is it that important?
What love? 
Are you an ignorant girl in her youth?
Why must you choose such an unsuitable guy?
Let's go, Miss.
Let go, make me stay. 
Let go!
Seok Hyeon, let me stay. 
Seok Hyeon.
My dad is not ignorant, he's studying now. 
Don't give up, ahjumma!
He said he would study hard to upgrade himself so he could match up to you.
He'll take exams too.
He'll take exams too.
Shh!
Let her sleep. 
She's so young yet she has to look after a sickly grandpa.
Putting her brother through university and caring for a fatherless child, she must be so tired out.
She must be so exhausted.
So don't wake her up, let her sleep.
Stop sleeping, you jerk!
Thank you.
If not for Doctor Min, he would be dead by now.
You're really very fortunate.
I didn't know he was such a good doctor...
- Stop pretending!
- I'll surely repay you.
Hey! 
Get me some underpants!
I can't stand you. 
In spinach, there are Vitamins A, B, C and D. In bean sprouts, there are Vitamins E, F and G.
In this, there are Vitamins X, Y and Z. Vegetables are so good for the body!
You're always wanting to eat those biscuits. 
Is that right or wrong?
Stop talking, Bean Paste! 
You're so noisy.
Every time you lose an argument, you"ll say "Bean Paste".
You eat, even if you don't have the appetite.
Then you'll recover from your sickness.
When you're done eating, I'll take you to the school.
Mom!
Hello.
Hello.
Hyung! 
Gi Seo hyung!
Hyung! 
Oh dear!
Ji Min noona... 
Ji Min noona...
Show me the real ones. 
These aren't Ji Min's.
It's correct, hyung. 
They are Ji Min's. 
I've also looked at them more than 10 times.
They are hers, alright.
You say these are Ji Min's.
Pancreatic cancer...
How can this be Ji Min's, you jerk!
If you keep on smoking, your lungs will look like this.
Scary, isn't it?
Isn't your son working and making a living in Seoul?
If I were you, I won't smoke. 
I'll enjoy life leisurely.
No matter how long you kneel, you're not going to get it.
This is the last time. 
I won't ask for it again.
I beg you. 
I beg you, doctor.
Whenever you feel like smoking, eat this. 
When you're through with it, get some more from me.
Ahjussi! 
Ahjussi, you can't do that!
Give it to me! 
Give me the pills!
That's a drug. 
I can't give it to you.
What?
I'll kill you! 
If you don't give it to me, I'll kill you!
Control yourself. 
If you really can't bear it, eat some of these sweets too.
Get me the pills!
Get me the pills!
Can you kill her by hanging on like that, ahjussi?
Use some strength, clench your fist and grab hard.
Don't be afraid. 
Give it a good try. 
You can do it!
What? 
Who are you? 
You jerk!
You don't dare to?
Shall I help you?
Shove off!
Have you eaten? 
My love!
To all the customers who like Bom's tangerines, how are you?
We have harvested the last batch of tangerines from our farm.
This batch of tangerines are really sweet, not sprayed with any chemicals, very sweet.
Don't believe me? 
Let me show you.
Is this honey or tangerines? 
It's just so sweet.
Oh so sour! 
Strange! 
Let me try another one.
Strange! 
Did someone spray vinegar on them?
Ahjumma! 
Come quickly!
- Something's wrong, ahjumma!
- What is it? 
What's wrong?
Bom, she's got into a fight with Superman.
What?
Oh no!
Hey, Superman! 
You! 
See if you dare try touching my Bom!
Hey, come over, fight me. 
Don't bully a child.
Hurry! 
You dog!
Bad girl!
Superman, sorry! 
I didn't even know what went on.
I'll get the puppy back to you, ok? 
I'm sorry.
I know how you feel. 
I'm a mom too.
You must be so sad.
How about... 
How about if I let you bite me?
Mom, what are you doing with the dog?
You stop running. 
You're dead.
Come here!
Come here! 
Stop right there! 
You're dead when I catch you.
Come on, Mom.
Why are you treating that dog even better than me?
You try to be a mother for once and see.
Bom!
Are you alright? 
Did you get hurt?
No, I'm not hurt.
Stand up and let me see.
I'm alright. 
You didn't hit me.
So brave! 
That's a relief! 
But, who might you be?
Hello.
Long time no see. 
How long has it been?
8 years.
It's been so long. 
And also because I don't return home often.
But why use polite terms all of a sudden?
It's awkward. 
After all, we're friends.
That's true.
Who is she?
Daughter, my daughter.
Oh... 
Oh.
Hey! 
Seok Hyeon, Seok Hyeon!
Mom, what is it?
I wanted to take a ride out in Seok Hyeon's car too.
I wanted to go to the department store to get some clothes for Young Joo and do a facial massage too.
Our driver Kim is not feeling well these few days. 
It's been so inconvenient.
Hello.
Oh yes! 
Say hello, Young Shin. 
This is the lady who will marry Seok Hyeon.
She came to see us yesterday.
Hello.
Hello.
What was it? 
She's a celloist.
Not the kind of cheap guitar your grandpa talks about.
It's a cello, the really, really expensive kind.
Not a "celloist" but a "cellist", Granny.
Such a clever professor! 
But why are your studies worse off than my Young Joo?
Because in life, studies aren't everything!
You did an impressive job bringing her up.
Young Shin, the lack of family education is showing up more and more in her.
Mom!
I'm sorry. 
Apologize quickly.
Didn't you say so previously that studies aren't everything in life? 
You did!
Lee Bom!
Mom, get in the car.
For the sake of the child's education, you'd better find her a father quickly.
Only when she grows up in a normal family will she have normal ideas.
Sow a pea, harvest a pea. 
Sow a gourd, harvest a gourd.
Mom!
It's because I see you as a daughter. 
That's why I said that.
Why don't you see the position you're in?
You're still thinking so highly of yourself.
It's cold. 
Get into the car.
You get in the car too.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, kiddo.
Yesterday I had a bad dream. 
Today I meet them.
Let's set out quickly.
Old woman!
Lee Bom, how can you say that of a grown up?
Are you really asking me for a beating?
You must be aching in your heart, right?
No.
Tell the truth, aren't you sad?
No.
It's not that you didn't teach me well. 
It's not your fault.
I... 
It's all because I wasn't born well.
It's not because you weren't born well.
Other than bullying Superman and calling granny an old woman, you're fine.
My daughter is so good. 
Really! 
Let's go.
Must a woman always have a shadow*, no, man* to be fine? 
(*words that sound alike in Korean)
Did I ever say that?
No.
The granny in uncle Do Seo's house said that.
Because you're an unwed mom, so others are looking down on you, laughing at you.
No, it's not like that.
There's a senile grandpa and there's me.
So men don't like you and they all run away.
What is that granny saying to a child!
Hey, it's just that I didn't tell you this before.
Actually there are many men who want me to marry them.
You've seen my handphone bursting with calls recently, right?
Are those calls to buy tangerines?
No, it's not that.
Anyhow, how can you and grandpa be my burdens?
Those who love you so they want to marry me, there must be more than 10 of them.
A load of lies!
Who says I'm lying?
Shall I show them to you?
I'll make them stand in a row in our garden.
Why are you shouting?
Who's shouting?
Tomorrow morning, when those who love you so they want to marry me... 
When they queue up, don't be shocked.
You got that?
More than 10?
Are you sure there are more than 10 of them, mom?
I really like you very much, so I really want to have you in our family as soon as possible.
Tell your parents to let you marry and do the ceremony soon.
Might as well just do it next month.
Bom really looks like grandma, uncle.
Really alike. 
Even the mole near the mouth, their favourite things, their temper.
What nonsense are you saying? 
Rascal!
Who says she looks like me? 
How can she be like me?
Saying you're alike, the one who should attempt suicide is Bom. 
Why are you upset?
What did you say?
You're really alike, granny.
Everyone says Bom is not like her mother at all.
She's ugly just like you.
They say Bom is like your granddaughter.
Read your comics, rascal.
Seok Hyeon.
Seok Hyeon.
What's wrong, Seok Hyeon?
Aigoo! 
What's wrong?
What are you doing, Seok Hyeon?
The car has a problem, right?
Are you alright, Mother?
Oh, I got a shock!
This shop is famous.
I heard there are those who come all the way from Seoul to eat this.
You've lost weight. 
Are you having a hard time?
You're so pale and skinny.
I got sick because I wanted to kiss you.
Here, try it.
It's really good.
Our elite prince must try the actual taste of this before he dies or else it won't do!
Thanks!
Enjoy yourselves.
I'm so happy, my love.
I've really missed you.
I saw your CT scan.
Hmm.
Maybe there's been some mistake. 
It must have gotten mixed up with someone else's.
Take it another time.
It should be mine alright. 
It's pancreatic cancer, right?
I'm fine now.
There is a lot to do here.
There are many old folks here. 
There are many young ones who die due to ignorance too.
I... just want to end it here, whatever's left of my time.
Ji Min...
Yes, this is Cha Ji Min.
What? 
How hurt is she?
Got it. 
I'll be right over.
Eun Suk!
Unni, help me. 
Painful! 
Save me, unni.
What's the matter?
She had an accident while delivering food.
I've already contacted the central hospital, but she wanted you to treat her.
Where is it hurting so badly?
Where are you hurt?
Save her please!
It seems like her hip bones are broken.
I can't treat you here. 
Go to the central hospital.
No, you treat me here.
I don't want to go to the central hospital.
My mother went there and she died.
I'm sorry, Eun Suk. 
I really can't do anything for you.
Nurse Kim, are there other hospitals nearby?
What? 
What are you doing?
What are you doing, you jerk?
Eun Suk, are you alright?
You alright?
You ok?
I'm really suave, right?
Yes.
Becoming more and more suave, I can't help it.
It's enough to show you just a glimpse of my abilities.
Let's go. 
Let's go back to Seoul.
We'll operate on you in Seoul. 
I won't let others do the operation. 
I'll do it myself.
Ji Min...
I don't want to engage in a fruitless struggle.
Dad and I have already accepted it. 
Hyung, you accept it too.
Maybe you can't accept it now but I'm doing fine now.
I said it earlier, remember?
- The time I have left, I want to spend it here.
- Shut up!
I'm Min Gi Seo. 
I'll save you.
It's not something we can force our way through, hyung.
I said shut up!
One more word from you and I'll throw you aside.
When I'm dead, you do that.
Anyway, by that time, no one else in the world can heal you.
When I'm dead, you can end your life wherever you want.
Thanks.
What for?
Thanks for not giving up.
You know?
If it could be done, I would have done it too.
No, it's of no use.
Just do a portal vein invasion, then resection and grafting it will do.
If needed, the spleen can be used.
Even so, no. 
Resection can't be done too.
I'll do the operation. 
I must do it. 
If I can't do it at this hospital, I'll look for another one.
She's your daughter but at the same time, she's still my woman.
I must save her. 
As a doctor, this is the first promise I've ever made.
I'll do it.
Thanks.
What for?
Thanks for not giving up.
Let's start the surgery. 
Scalpel.
It's seeding*. (*tumor is spreading)
It's seeding, hyung.
Hyung!
Seeding? 
What seeding? 
Pay attention.
I'll continue with the surgery.
No, we have to confirm whether it's seeding or not.
Are you a fool? 
Do you wear a hat to cover your head?
How can this be seeding?
Hyung!
Prepare to close it!
You fools, you all get out!
Get out!
What seeding? 
You rock head! 
Chicken head! 
Bird head!
Chief, prepare anti-cancer drug. 
Scalpel.
I beg you, hyung! 
You can't just force your way through, right?
Scalpel, I said scalpel. 
Are you deaf?
Stitch her up, Doctor Min. 
You've tried your best. 
Stitch her up.
No, I'm not done yet. 
I'm still... not done yet.
Doctor Oh! 
Doctor Kim! 
Get him out of here.
I said I'm not done.
Not yet! 
It's not finished yet.
Yes, Mother?
Where are you now?
In Seoul.
At home. 
Reading.
So today as usual, we invited Miss Lee Bom.
I'm Lee Bom.
The other time it was mentioned that Lee Bom's mother is a liar. 
Is that true?
Yes, she's the king of liars.
Hey, why am I the king of liars?
Didn't you say you'd get them to queue up?
Those who like me so they want to marry you, about 10 of them?
Did I say there are 10 of them?
You told a lie, right?
It's not a lie. 
Who says I lied?
Yes, there aren't 10 of them, just 5.
Yes, yes, yes... 
I exaggerated. 
So what do you want to do? 
You want to complain?
That's fine, just 5. 
Get them to queue up and show me.
Such a small girl, yet you can really be frustrating.
Those people are too busy now. 
When it's time to queue for this, they will.
You just have to live your life well.
You told a lie again. 
Because grandpa and I are your burdens, they all ran away.
I told you to eat slowly. 
I won't snatch yours. 
Eat slowly.
Bad liar! 
We're just burdens, grandpa.
I told you that's not true.
I know. 
I'll just call one of them to show you, alright? 
That will do, won't it?
Let me show you.
Hello? 
Yes, this is Lee Bom's mom.
Didn't you say earlier that our Bom is so cute that you want to marry me?
Didn't you also say you'll take grandpa and Bom along too? 
Isn't it? 
Oh! 
Hey!
You mad woman! 
There's a limit to being crazy!
You and Bom are definitely not related, no way! 
So don't worry.
Yes, I'm not worried.
Although when you were in the army, people said you made Young Shin pregnant.
But I did ask Young Shin about it.
She said no, the father is some other man.
I'm tired, mom.
And then, so what if Bom is your child?
You're not going to marry Young Shin or anything.
You won't like that silly girl too.
- Hey, Seok Hyeon!
- I'm going to sleep, mom.
Ah, so embarrassing! 
It's really embarrassing.
Long time no see, moon.
How have you been? 
I've been fine too.
You've been watching over me, right?
Bom is very healthy too. 
Have you been watching over her too?
Thank you for fulfilling my wish, moon.
You must be tired, so I won't make another wish for the rest of my life.
Mom! 
Mom! 
Mom! 
Mom!
Grandpa seems to have become normal.
Ahjussi, I have urgent matters to tend to now. 
Can you come again?
Come, let's go. 
I'm sorry.
Um, hello. 
I'm Lee Bom. 
Bom*, as in Spring!
(*Bom is Korean word for spring)
My grandpa has run away again. 
Yes, for some time now.
Please give us a call when his memory is back.
Dementia?
Mom, what's dementia?
Oh, tell them it's habitual.
Yes, it's habitual. 
Yes, Lee Byung Gook. 
He has dementia.
Please call my mom's handphone number 011-298-9052.
- Yes.
- What else do I need?
Grandpa's flyers. 
Oh my! 
Where are they kept? 
Flyers...
Oh dear! 
What to do? 
Flyers...
Mom, here.
Ahjussi, did you see my grandpa?
This morning, he said he wanted to take the first boat out. 
I said no to him and told him to go home.
Isn't he home yet?
Then could he have gone on the boat? 
For a moment, he seems to have lost his dementia.
Yes. 
Ahjussi, please take me on the boat.
Alright.
Take me along, mom.
What are you doing out of school? 
Why are you here?
With grandpa missing, how am I going to learn anything?
Yes, you can't learn today. 
Without grandpa, how can you? 
Let's go.
Grandpa! 
Mr Lee!
My dear granddaughter Young Shin, don't look for me this time.
My life was meant to be spent alone anyway.
I will live my own life.
You too, live your life together with Bom.
From afar, I'll pray for your happiness.
Your burden, grandpa.
Are you tired?
I'm hungry.
Hungry?
Mom, eat.
I'm alright. 
You eat.
You sit here for a while. 
Wait for me.
Ahjumma, my grandpa has wandered off on his own. 
If you see him, please contact me.
This old man... 
I just saw him.
Grandpa! 
Mr Lee! 
Mr Lee!
- Grandpa! 
Grandpa!
- Mr Lee! 
Mr Lee!
- Grandpa! 
Grandpa!
- Grandpa! 
Mr Lee!
Grandpa!
Didn't you see the message? 
I told you not to look for me, didn't I?
How can I not look? 
We can't do without grandpa.
Just let us do something for you while you're alive.
I don't want to trouble you anymore.
If I become your burden too, what will I say to your parents when I see them after I die?
If dad and mom saw you, they'll surely say you're in the wrong.
Who made me alive again?
I still remember that in order to save me, you let go of grandma's hands.
Don't run away again, grandpa.
Because of you, Bom and I can live.
We're a family. 
You are a member of our family.
What trouble? 
What burden?
Without you, there is no Young Shin and no Bom.
Why do you cry?
All because of me.
Because I told grandpa that we're burdens.
It's all my fault.
Stop that.
It's all my fault. 
I'll go to hell.
Stop that. 
It's noisy, Bean Paste.
Where are you going?
I'm meeting someone.
Can you first hang out with me for a while?
I'm sorry, hyung. 
It's someone I must meet right away.
Because I'm too naughty, so you don't want to play with me?
You don't want to play with me, right? 
Because I'm a quack doctor.
If you have your passport, let's take a trip.
Where are we going?
Hawaii.
What?
It's too cold here. 
We'll go somewhere warm for 5 years then come back.
Hyung!
From now on, no contraception. 
Give birth to a son, a daughter. 
Although I'd like a daughter, but you'd like a son, right? 
Ok. 
A boy and a girl then.
Don't go anywhere. 
Just stay here quietly, madam.
Going to Hawaii. 
I want the soonest flight.
Hey, you!
Hyung!
Do you have another man? 
Does that man live on that island?
There's someone I must apologize to before I die.
What? 
What do you mean by that?
Because of my mistake, a child contracted HIV.
I was too afraid at that time so I refused to admit it and ran away...
I shouldn't have been so excited.
I should have been more careful.
You can rest your heart now. 
She'll be alright.
Thank you. 
Bom, you'll be fine.
That child from 2 years ago... 
She lives on that island.
It's just her bad luck. 
It's not your fault.
At first, that's what I thought as well but no, it's not.
If I've had chosen the right donor...
In the world, will there ever be a doctor who doesn't wish well for his patients?
A doctor, under any condition, will never bring harm. 
You too. 
My father too.
It must be cold.
Hyung, can you tell her for me?
If I don't get to see her, hyung, you tell her for me.
Tell that child. 
Tell her the truth that it was my fault but I never intended it.
Tell her that I'm sorry...
Ji Min that I've always kept it in my heart throughout my life and I will always regret it.
Stop saying this. 
Forget it. 
It's tiring.
Then she'll forgive me.
She seems like a really nice person, that child's mom.
No, I don't want that. 
You'll die like this. 
Shut up, jerk!
You're not feeling well? 
Do you get sick on a boat?
Shall I help you with this?
My grandpa's like that too and this is how we solved it for him.
If you close your eyes, it'll only get worse.
Open your eyes and look far away for a while.
See! 
What to do with you?
Why am I Bean Paste? 
I'm Bom, Lee Bom.
No, you're Bean Paste.
Ah, really! 
If I didn't call you grandpa but Mr Lee instead, will you be happy?
Shut up, Bean Paste.
Ah really.
My name is Bom, Lee Bom.
You guys save my Bom, you jerks!
She's only 7 years old.
What's this about her getting Aids? 
What are you doing to save her? 
Jerks!
How are you going to save her? 
Jerks!
You guys made a mistake but no one wants to admit it.
Why isn't anyone apologizing?
Be quiet, Yeong Woo. 
Be quiet.
What's going to happen to my Bom?
Bom's not dead yet. 
Forget it. 
Stop this.
Noona, what are we going to do about Bom? 
What'll we do?
She'll be fine.
Even with Aids, people can live another 10 or 20 years.
You... must never, ever cry in front of Bom again.
We'll just live on like we've always done.
I will not forgive any tear you shed.
Why am I the Bean Paste?
You're an ugly Bean Paste!
Ah, really!
I'm not Bean Paste. 
I'm Bom, Lee Bom.
- Why am I Bean Paste?
- Fool!
You're Bean Paste.
Bom!
- Why am I Bean Paste? 
I'm Lee Bom.
- Bom!
Bom!
Me?
Bom!
It's alright! 
No need to say thanks.
We're supposed to help one another.
What name shall I give you?
How about using my name, Bom?
Dong Ee... 
How about Bom Dong Ee?
Ok, Bom Dong Ee is good.
Mom! 
This unni gave me this bear.
It has a muffler too.
Why did she give you the bear?
I don't know.
She seems to be asleep. 
Ah, she's so heavy.
Hang in there until she wakes up.
Why were you so anxious to go?
You should at least say goodbye.
Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Main Translator: ai* Spot Translator: purpletiger86
Timer: schizoar Editor/QC: thunderbolt
Coordinators: ay_link, mily2

Episode 7
I have something that I hid from you.
I didn't have the courage to tell you just now.
I also had something that I hid from you.
Our Bom is sick.
My kid is sick.
What kind of sickness does she have?
What kind of sickness?
If you knew, what would you do?
What do you intend to do if you know what sickness she has?
Get out of here immediately.
Hey...
Get out of here, jerk!
Don't find your death here.
What is wrong with you?
Who are you to such say things?
Hey, who are you? 
What kind of jerk are you?
Who are you to poke into others' business?
Young Shin, who is this person?
How is this jerk related to you?
I don't know him.
We do not have any relation.
This woman is mine.
She belongs to me.
So return to your girlfriend and continue playing with her, jerk.
I have killed ten people already.
Killing one more jerk like you is not a problem.
Shall I kill one more?
Aye, really. 
Bunch of beggars.
You made someone so confused. 
How can you shed your responsibility just like that, Miss Lee Young Shin?
Yes, I am interested in you.
I can never stop worrying about you.
Ever since you slept in my room.
Don't look at others.
If you look at someone else,
you're dead.
There aren't any left.
Do you have a cigarette?
Such a rundown village.
There isn't a single convenience store.
I really need a cigarette today.
I've thought about it carefully.
Isn't it unreasonable for you to chase me out like this, ahjumma?
You know the law on leases, right?
If the landlord chases away the tenant for no reason, he or she will have to compensate twice the amount from the contract.
If you wish to chase me away, pay me double.
Find a good lawyer. 
And you have to pay ten times more for physical damages.
Excuse me.
Do you have something to say?
That... 
That...
What is it?
Since when were there such things?
Since when did you rent out our house?
- You said you were merely staying for a month.
- Didn't you know that the law changed a month ago?
Once money is paid for a house, it is considered a rental.
Don't you read the newspapers?
How could that be? 
There aren't such things.
Unless you return me ten times the amount, I'll continue living in this house.
If you feel cheated, find a lawyer and we can settle.
Rubbish. 
Is he making a fool of me just because I'm from the village?
I must ask him clearly tomorrow.
What a thief.
Oh, oh, oh, my back.
Aigoo, it's so painful.
An old lady really has such great strength.
Seok Hyeon, your Mom is about to faint...
If I die, you must help me take revenge.
Aigoo! 
Aigoo! 
My back!
Try touching Young Shin again.
What are you talking about?
Did I hear wrongly?
You didn't say anything, right? 
I heard wrongly, right?
Even if you didn't do anything, Mom, she is already suffering.
Neither you or I have the right to treat her that way.
Don't you know?
I didn't do anything at all.
Why? 
Young Shin said something to you?
Did that wolf complain to you?
Even if she was driven to death by you, she won't even say a simple "That's too much". 
She just keeps quiet.
In that case...
Oh! 
Is it that old woman, Song Chang-Ja?
That old woman complained to you?
I must deal with that old woman today!
What do you intend to do?
How far do you have to go in order for you to be satisfied?
What did you say, you kid? 
What are you telling to your mother who is sick?
Please.
Don't ever bully Young Shin and Bom again.
I'm begging you.
Hey! 
You bastard! 
Ignorant fool!
How can you treat your Mom this way?
Shim Shim! 
Give Eun Hee a call.
Tell her that her mother-in-law will be leaving tonight.
Ask her to settle the funeral issues.
Aigoo! 
My back! 
Aigoo!
Don't bother too much about that kiss.
I was seeing you with someone you don't like, and I wanted Choi Seok Hyeon to see.
Did I do anything?
I don't remember anything after a night's sleep.
Didn't you say that Jong Soo's dad is mentally ill?
It was because a rat bit him, right?
- Is that the case?
- It seems like it.
So his house is filled with a lot of rat medicine.
Was someone bitten by rats?
I know someone.
He looks fine on the outside, but his mind is like someone who was bitten by a rat.
What are the symptoms?
That... 
No matter what he does or says, he is crazy.
It was normal in the past. 
But suddenly yesterday...
He didn't have medicine after being bitten?
I picked those abalone and washed them clean this morning,
Store it properly and cook some porridge.
Thank you so much for being concerned for Grandpa.
What kind of words are those?
That... 
Suk Ja... 
Seok Hyeon's mom, don't blame her too much.
She isn't a person who is really bad.
It's just that she has a really good son.
She worries that everything won't go smoothly, so she behaves that way.
In other words, she is behaving as if a rat has bitten her.
- Don't come out. 
Go on in.
- Thank you.
- Yes, yes. 
Go on in.
- Walk safely.
Oh, ahjussi!
I say, student. 
What time is it already?
Aren't you going school?
I can't take it anymore. 
My back...
Aigoo, my back...
Go to the clinic, Grandma.
I'll call the doctor.
It's all right, no need to.
What do you know?
Your Grandma is psychologically sick, there's no medicine which can cure it.
Aigoo, if Grandma dies, what will happen to Yong Joo?
Aigoo, how will I raise him?
I can't pass him to his unfilial uncle.
- Who will Yong Joo rely on?
- Just say that you've learned your lesson.
If Grandma continues behaving like this, what if she follows Go Pil's wife and drinks insecticide?
Go Pil's wife drank insecticide?
Why?
After that Grandpa came, Mom became sooo angry that she chased you away, ahjussi.
What did that old man say?
You bastard! 
You're dead!
Young Shin!
Make a phone call, and prepare that bastard's coffin!
That was what that Grandpa said.
What else?
ahjussi won the land?
Because of that, someone drank insecticide.
Who?
I don't know.
Mr. Lee kept interrupting me, so I couldn't hear clearly.
Lee Bom! 
Aren't you going to school?
What are you doing with a kid who is about to go to school?
Hurry up. 
Go to school.
I'm still early right now.
Don't go, ahjussi.
Even if my mom chases you away, you must not leave.
Bom!
The old witch who bullies princess and king.
I'm going off to school now.
This morning, I asked my brother who went to university before.
He said that the compensation isn't ten times more.
Our Young Woo even said, "Is that guy crazy?"
Who ate insecticide?
What?
Who was the person who ate insecticide?
Cheong Chun ahjumma.
Didn't you win over the land while gambling with her husband?
Don't you even know how to respect the elderly? 
Don't you have seniors?
If Cheong Chun ahjumma dies, how are you going to be responsible for it?
Did she pass away?
No, luckily she didn't.
After pumping her stomach, she was discharged last night.
If she were to die, you would have died in my hands!
I am not someone with some contagious disease, ahjumma.
If you make me upset again, I will kiss you.
- Excuse me, may I ask something?
- Yes.
Where is Go Pil's house?
Just keep walking straight here. 
Over there.
What are you pretending about? 
Once was enough, you bitch.
Your husband is doing business, yet you are creating trouble!
How can everything go smoothly?
Oh, old man? 
It's me! 
Don't start without me.
Is anyone around? 
Ahjumma?
It's Seok Hyeon.
Ahjumma! 
Ahjumma!
I'm a little embarrassed to say this, but...
Your husband's nickname on Blue Island is Jang Joon Yong!
Last year I was Blue Island's Mr. Handsome.
I don't know. 
I get embarrassed once people call me that.
Besides, there isn't a single person who I can't treat.
I don't watch TV, but is Jang Joon Yong really that handsome?
So, do you like Joon Yong or me?
Ah! 
You scared me!
Ahjumma!
Is it not because of the insecticide.
Does she have another illness?
She has asthma.
Ahjumma! 
What to do, Doctor?
She seems to be having an asthma attack.
Go get some solu-medrol (medicine to help asthma) and EPI (medicine used strengthen the heart and arteries).
Help hold her down.
Ahjumma! 
Take a deep breath in! 
A deeper breath! 
Again!
Ahjumma! 
Doctor! 
Ahjumma!
Ahjumma! 
Ahjumma!
Prepare the intubation! 
Hurry.
Should we send her to the main hospital?
How can we do this here?
What if something happens on her way there?
Tube.
Here.
It went in already. 
Hurry.
Doctor! 
Something happened!
Ahjumma's stomach... 
Ahjumma's stomach...
What happened? 
It seems to have went down the wrong windpipe.
What to do? 
What to do?
We should send her to the main hospital.
What if something happens to ahjumma?
How is ahjumma doing?
What to do? 
What to do?
Senior.
Tube.
Balloon.
Stethoscope.
EPI.
She is reviving! 
She is reviving!
Give the main hospital a call and ask them to come here quickly!
Once ahjumma wakes up, tell her that because of her asthma, she has to be careful of the insecticide spray while working in the field.
Yes, I've got it.
Do you have it?
This is better than smoking.
Thanks to you, another live was saved.
The gambling project that you screwed up.
It seems like we avoided something terrible.
About that, I decided to let it slide by just this once, because you are just an amateur.
From tomorrow onwards, let's start working.
Where did you intend to walk with Young Shin until?
What is your motive?
Letting your emotions control you...
Are you just fooling around?
Do you think I am just fooling around?
Young Shin is someone who doesn't suit you, Min Gi Seo.
Whether she is a suitable woman for me is my decision.
If I am not fooling around, do you intend to stop me, Choi Seok Hyeon Team Manager?
Dr. Min Gi Seo saved another person's life today, I thought that Cheong Chun ahjumma wasn't going to make it.
That's great. 
What a relief, unni.
He is so handsome that I can't even breathe.
It would've been good if you'd seen it.
Oh my Batman!
Young Shin, what should I do?
That person... 
Is making me fall deeper and deeper.
Oh my, hey your brother-in-law is calling. 
I'll call you later.
Hubby.
He's been good.
This woman is mine.
That's right.
I'm interested in you.
I'm always so worried about you.
Since the day you slept in my room.
Let me have a look at your appearance.
Your husband is probably a jerk or shouldn't even be on this earth.
That's right. 
That's right.
You're exactly right.
How did you know?
There's a way.
The gold is weak and the water is strong.
The gold will sink to the bottom of the sea.
If you have a person you yearn for, or if your parents drowned, and you have become a widow, then a drifter will appear and become your husband.
Me?
Oh my. 
Oh my, how did you know?
Young Shin?
Are you Bom's mother?
Doctor.
- What are you..?
- What are you..?
Why are there so many beer bottles for someone who can't drink?
I just wanted to drink.
Why? 
Did something happen to Bom?
No, nothing like that.
I just wanted to.
There are times when you want to drink.
If you have some left, can you give me a bottle?
I can't take this! 
I can't take this anymore!
It's because of Mr. Lee that I can't take this anymore!
- Ask our Seok Hyeon to come out.
- Didn't I tell you he's gone out on business?
Ask our Seok Hyeon to come out.
Aren't we waiting for him right now?
Our Seok Hyeon is Young Shin's friend.
I know, I know, I know.
Seok Hyeon being friends with Young Shin, Dong Dari and Bom knows too.
Ask our Seok Hyeon to come out, bean paste.
Our Seok Hyeon is Young Shin's friend.
I know, I know.
Hello.
Hi.
Hello class monitor.
Hello, but who are you?
We met each other last time. 
Don't you remember?
Ah, you're Seok Hyeon Uncle's girlfriend.
That's right.
But what are you two doing out here?
Grandpa doesn't want to leave.
- We're waiting for Seok Hyeon Uncle.
- Our Seok Hyeon is Young Shin's friend, you fool.
Grandpa, what are you doing?
Unni, please forgive us.
Our grandpa's got dementia, so he's not 100% normal.
I see. 
It's all right.
Grandpa seems to be very cold.
Don't stand out here. 
Come inside.
It's all right.
Go and wait inside, Grandpa.
Our Seok Hyeon is Young Shin's friend, you fool.
Yes.
Come in.
Oh, my baby's here, I feel like my eyes are going to fall out waiting for you.
Hello.
Hello, Buddha.
What is this? 
Why are these people standing there?
May Buddha preserve us.
They're waiting for Seok Hyeon, so I let them come inside.
Come inside.
It's all right. 
Come inside.
Unni bought a really delicious cake from Seoul.
Let's eat it together.
A cake?
- Are you all right Mother?
- Of course I'm not all right.
You really...!
I'm already sick to the point where I can't take it anymore, and now you've bought a sick old man in here.
How are you going to take care of him?
Do you want to mess this whole house up?
I saw him coughing outside so...
Grandpa looks very honest.
If you want my grandpa to be good, then he really won't pee anywhere. 
He'll stay still.
Do you want to see?
- Mr. Lee, shall we play a game?
- Ok, bean paste.
Then Mr. Lee you play a wooden person.
Then let's start.
If you don't say anything to him, he'll stay like this until tomorrow morning.
Are you really moving out?
If you get kicked out again, then you may come back.
As a 20th year anniversary, if you stay for ten days, we'll give you a free night including bed and breakfast!
I beg you not to eat when it's dinner time.
You're a dog, not a frog.
Are you a frog?
You are a jerk who will even bury your own mother by the riverside.
Ahjumma!
Give me food!
Ahjumma!
I have to cook dinner for Bom and Grandpa.
I'll be going now.
I'll leave later.
Goodbye then.
What way to go?
Honey, it's me.
That...
I have something to tell you.
I...
What I said about me being Jang Jun Young from Bu Ryun Do, it was all a lie.
I'm not handsome, nor am I Jang Jun Young.
I'm not Lee Deuk Soo either.
I'm just a quack.
They've all expired.
Will you get arrested if you bought some fresh bread in?
Mother!
Ahjumma!
Give me some food!
I'm hungry, so give me some food.
Are you really hungry?
I'm sorry. 
I'm really sorry.
I'll cook the rice now, so just wait a bit.
I'll cook some hot rice straight away for you now.
Just how much did you drink?
You still cooked the rice well, even though you're drunk.
Are you ill?
No, I'm not ill.
What's wrong with you suddenly?
Did you get hit in the head somewhere?
I know you love me.
Even if you didn't come, I still know how much you love me. 
I know how much you love me.
I love you too.
I really love you too.
Father, I'm so immature. 
Let me bow down to you.
Ahjumma! 
Come to your senses!
I'm not ahjumma's father!
I heard what the fortune teller ahjumma said.
Because you're still worried about me, you left without saying I love you.
It's because Young Shin is living a hard life that you're heartbroken.
That's why you've borrowed someone else's body to come here.
You don't have to worry anymore.
Please just go peacefully, Father.
I'm already so happy to have Bom and Grandpa by my side.
I'm really fine, Father.
I'm really fine, Father.
I'll give you a bow, Father. 
I'll bow down to you.
Father.
- 3758 + 347 + 3349 + 1238 = ...
- 8692.
- Wow! 
Then how about 139765 + 35467?
- 175232.
Wow! 
That's amazing.
You're a genius, aren't you?
I guess so.
She doesn't know anything. 
She wants to get this grandma's temper up. 
I'm so angry.
Here, it's going to be hard this time.
- She really is...
- 539587 + 354869 + 386969 = ...
Oh my, how can she add up all those long figures?
1281425.
This is harder.
3546264 + 5497 - 6745 = ...
It's 354516.
- She's like that, because she's like her father!
- Wow, you really are a genius!
You really are!
That's all so simple. 
Who can't add it all up?
Can you do it too, Young Joo?
Then let's have a competition.
Let's do it next time. 
I'm modest.
You should quickly go home. 
Hurry!
But Young Joo Oppa is good at the other subjects.
Our Bom is so obedient.
Your mom must be so happy.
Unni wants a daughter like Bom as well.
I wouldn't want to wish for anything else.
Seok Hyeon.
Hello.
Our Mr. Lee said he only wanted to play chess with Seok Hyeon Uncle, so he didn't even eat and he doesn't want to leave.
That's why we waited for Seok Hyeon Uncle.
I see.
You came at a good time.
Ahjumma!
Ahjumma!
[Young Joo's Home]
Mom's not even picking up her cell phone.
I think I should go home.
If Grandpa's missing, then Mom will get really worried.
You should've called home earlier.
I'm really happy today seeing you, Bom.
I'm very happy to see you too, unni.
Unni wants to cook a nice western dinner for you.
A western dinner?
I'll take Grandpa home.
Bom, go once you finish the dinner.
I'll tell your mom for you.
Yeah, let's do that.
That... can't be done.
Are you going to put a lot of ketchup on the rice omelet?
Ahjumma?
Ahjumma!
Ahjumma!
Lee Young Shin!
Lee Young Shin!
Ah, my head.
Oh, Grandpa.
Hey, you murderer! 
You home wrecker!
Didn't Young Shin tell you?
That you're dead if I see you and to hide yourself before you get caught.
You don't seem to be taking me seriously.
But you don't have many days left, you jerk!
He seems to be really scared.
You can't hide no matter how far you run, you jerk.
Aunty!
Aunty!
Aunty! 
Aunty! 
Hey, what are you doing?
We have to take her to the clinic right now!
If we take her now, she'll die!
What?
What are you going to do?
Lighter.
- Do you have a lighter?
- Lighter?
That...you...
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey what are you doing?
!
I'm not finished yet.
Dr. Oh and Dr. Kim, take Dr. Min Gi Seo out now!
I'm not finished yet.
I said...!
I'm not finished yet!
Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Main Translators: iluxxx, wingyee
Spot Translator: purpletiger86
Timer: pinklily
Editor/QC: 
Athaclena42
Coordinators: mily2, ay_link

Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Episode 13
Mr. Lee, I've made you "100 roast-grain" powdered drinks.
Didn't you say you want to have some?
Where did Bom go?
Did she go to the toilet?
She went over there with the hamburgers.
What?
She went over there, to school, with the hamburgers.
Where are you going?
Bom went to school.
Let's go together!
I brought hamburgers for all of you!
Hey! 
Get away!
It's okay, Tae Chang, I have my magic coat on.
I'll leave after I have given you guys the hamburgers.
Don't come near, you devil! 
Go! 
Leave!
I am not a devil, I am an angel.
Leave! 
If you come any nearer, I'll throw this at you!
Leave! 
You devil!
Who are you calling a devil?
Who's a devil, who?
Where do you get off calling an innocent child a devil? 
Just let me catch you!
You impudent little...
Grandma!
That's not true! 
There's an evil spirit inside of Bom's body!
It's that devil that we have to get rid of so that we can save Bom!
Leave, you devil!
Grandma!
Bom!
Bom!
Ahjussi...
Did you go to school?
You didn't listen to your Guardian Angel?
If you keep doing things like this...
Bom, did something happen at school?
Mom... 
Yong Joo Oppa's grandmother...
Yong Joo Oppa's grandmother...
What about Yong Joo Oppa's grandmother?
Yong Joo Oppa's grandmother...
Because of me... because of me...
Bom... 
Let's go.
Ah! 
That hurts! 
That hurts! 
That hurts!
Aigoo! 
Just kill me! 
Kill me!
Even if you are just a quack, can't you do it properly?
We'll first disinfect it and stop the bleeding.
Bear with it first, Yong Joo's Grandma.
- Even the kids can bear with it.
- Chauffeur Kim...
Let's go to the city. 
Prepare the car.
I heard that it wouldn't be painful at all if I were to go to the hospital in the city.
Why do you always talk about the hospital in the city?
It isn't as if the disinfectant in the city's hospital is filled with gold.
Whether it is on Blue Island or in the city, the disinfectant is all the same.
Just bear with it, Ahjummoni.
The wound is quite large.
You might need to stitch...
Stitch? 
Stitch it?
Stitch a wound in this quack's clinic?
If you mention the word "quack" one more time, I'm really... going to cry.
Go ahead, cry. 
I won't stop you.
Do you think I am Hong Do Oppa?
Chauffeur Kim, I said prepare the car.
Yes, Madam.
Ahjummoni, we should stop the bleeding first.
This Grandma should be cleansing her wound now.
But she keeps insisting on going to the city hospital and keeps throwing tantrums...
Go ahead then.
I cannot treat people who look down on me either.
Go ahead, I won't stop you.
Go to the city.
If she were to compliment me, squids would dance.
Looking down on me in such a situation, how can I show my fullest potential?
I'll do it.
It isn't anything huge.
Just a laceration on the scalp.
There shouldn't be a problem after you've cleansed it.
3-0 nylon.
Yes.
Bean Paste, don't cry.
Bean Paste, don't cry.
Bean Paste...
Bean Paste, don't cry. 
Bean Paste...
Don't cry.
I'm going to the clinic, Grandpa.
Look after Bom for a while.
Whatever you do, don't leave.
Yes.
Bean Paste... don't cry...
He actually dared to throw a stone at others.
Isn't he afraid that people would say he is the child of a gangster? 
And that he takes after his dad?
That silly kid. 
I should put him in jail.
Excuse me...
I cannot concentrate.
Could you please quiet down?
Aigoo! 
Buddha!
I knew it would turn out this way!
Although Byeong Guk Oppa is retarded, he still has a good judgment of others.
You're so kind! 
You're so kind!
You shabby woman!
How did you know?
Ma'am, if it wasn't for you, what would have happened to Bom?
Even if you say it isn't so...
I'm telling you that blood lines will always find each other!
Blood lines? 
What blood lines!
Who said anything about blood lines?
You, So Ran! 
You just try opening your mouth about this to anyone!
And you, Song Chan! 
You just try calling Seok Hyeon and telling him about what happened!
I won't stop getting at you, that's for sure!
Ok, ok! 
I'll shut my mouth, so you just get your stitches!
Doctor, please do a good job for her!
That Young Shin, is she in her right mind or not?
She should put that child under lock but instead she lets her wander around with everyone trying to avoid her...
Can't you just be quiet?
!
Keep this up and I just might stab you in the wrong place.
Isn't it possible that Young Shin sent Bom to school on purpose?
Isn't it possible that I just got waylaid into that girl's plans by accident?
What a bratty fox.
Yong Joo.
Ahjumma.
How's your Grandma now?
The doctor that lives at your house is giving stitches to Grandma right now.
My grandma got hurt while trying to save Bom.
I know. 
I've heard about it.
Is our Grandma alright?
We're giving her an injection after cleaning the wound.
You should go back.
You're so handsome!
*May his soul rest in peace, the Buddhist Goddess of Mercy. (*Buddhist prayer)
Young Shin!
Oh, Young Shin, you're here?
Thank you.
What utter rot from you!
What? 
Exactly what are you thankful for?
You're thankful that it was me who got hit by that rock instead of your child?
Don't assume anything.
I thought Yong Joo might get hurt, or maybe Boram or Ji Sun.
You were so nice before.
Why are you acting like this now?
If I knew it was Bom, I would have just walked away.
No way would I be crazy to save a child with AIDS and endanger myself by contracting AIDS.
Did I take drugs? 
Am I an idiot?
Ah, this grandma! 
I can't take it anymore!
I heard that you know that Bom is your real granddaughter!
Everyone is afraid of you so they don't dare say a word, but most people who are aware, know that she's your...
I heard it from Pang Mo.
Here, here...
Song also said it.* (*she's referring to herself)
Guk Ja, since it is already like this...
Fine! 
Bom's mother! 
You say something.
Who is Bom's father?
Is Bom's father the person that people here are making a fuss about? 
Is it Seok Hyeon?
Is Seok Hyeon Bom's father?
Is my Seok Hyeon Bom's father?
!
Fine! 
Let's pretend that he got drunk one night and made a mistake.
Who gave you the right to have the baby on your own?
Whose life did you want to ruin?
You can't even be responsible for this child so who allowed you to have the baby on your own?
Her life is already very pitiful.
And yet you still hurt her like this.
You've become a bad Buddha! 
Again!
You've turned out like this. 
Again!
Born to great and capable parents, that child could have been healthy and happy.
Why did you willfully give birth to that child on your own and put her in that kind of condition?
It's not cancer... or a cold... but AIDS!
How can it be AIDS?
!
How could you willfully have this child and then give her a disease and make her suffer?
!
Why did you willfully give birth to her?
What reason do you have to sit here and listen to all that... without being able to say a word!
Why do you keep listening to this... 
like an idiot?
!
Why do you listen to something that has nothing to do with you?
Listening to something which is useless?
Look here!
Let's go.
Just a minute...
Would you kill me just because I wanted to live?
Could you kill off an unborn child just like that?
And... 
I won't send Bom away that easily.
That fella!
Get in.
That's why I told you not to go inside!
You won't get in?
Get in the car, Madam. 
It's raining!
It's because she was upset!
It's because she was heartbroken!
How can you talk like that to an elder?
And in front of other people?
Is Yong Joo's grandmother your friend?
Ahjumma...
You know, I'm not at all thankful for what you just did!
You should get hit a lot too, Ahjussi!
Were you counting on the fact that if you remained like a kind, patient idiot and a fool, she would accept you as a possible daughter-in-law?
Or is it your family trait to be understanding and patient, and just suffer unconditionally?
You should have just said so. 
I didn't know.
I understand now. 
I won't concern myself with your family affairs.
Even if you are dying before my eyes, I won't even blink my eyes either.
A fool you are
Really... thank you
You who only see me, who give everything to me without sparing
An angel you are
It must be hard and tiring for you at times
But you believe in me without wavering, when I have nothing to show
Isn't it strange?
It seems you have no tears
Even when you're in pain, you smile for me
I smile because I am happy by your side
These words I have kept at the bottom of my throat
I really love you
My foolish love which cannot even be expressed
Now I finally say this...
I live because you exist
Aye, so noisy. 
We're watching a video.
Shut up, you stupid fool! 
Quiet!
Hello, it's Bom.
Bom! 
It's me, Boram.
Are you ok?
Tae Chang got into trouble with the teacher.
He got punished for an hour and got spanked by his mother.
I think it's because Tae Chang read too many comic books.
Please forgive him, Bom.
Ok then, see you.
I'm wearing my magic coat now.
No one will catch AIDS now.
Can't catch AIDS...
Your magic coat?
Yeah. 
Magic coat.
Uncle Seok Hyeon bought it for me.
If I wear this, you guys can't catch it.
Really? 
I'm so glad!
Then... do you want to go see some kittens too?
Yesterday, the cat had her babies.
Do you want to go see them?
Without our parents' knowledge, Ji Sun and I were secretly going to see them.
Don't you want to go too?
Is it a girl cat or a boy cat?
I didn't come out to see kittens.
I want to use the toilet.
Go ahead.
Thank you.
We will be having a mixture of strong winds and rain.
There might be a typhoon in the Southern Sea, and around Jeju Island.
Most of the area will experience strong winds.
Most of the harbors have received news of the possible typhoon.
Visitors going towards Jeju Island and the Southern Sea have been held back.
If Mr. Lee stacks up the choco-pies and makes a tall tower, I'll show you kittens.
Have you calmed down, daughter?
On my way back, I met Tae Chang.
He said he was sorry.
If you have compassion, forgive him just this once.
You'll forgive him, right?
And Yong Joo's Grandma isn't hurt badly, so don't worry.
Mom will take a shower.
After I'm done, I'll make some rice cakes.
Bom, where did Grandpa go to?
Bom...
Unni!
Grandpa!
Unni, I'm so scared.
Where's Bom? 
Where did she go to?
I don't know.
She didn't tell you where she was going?
When did she leave?
When did she leave?
Bom! 
Bom!
Bom! 
Bom!
Bom! 
Lee Bom!
Bom! 
Bom!
Bom!
Ahjussi! 
Have you seen Bom?
No, we haven't.
Why do you let that child run around?
You should keep her indoors!
Bom!
Bom!
I'm hungry...
Ahjumma!
Bom!
Bom!
Hyung... 
Hyung!
Bom, where are you?
!
Ahjumma!
Ji Sun!
Ahjumma! 
Bom, Boram...!
The soil collapsed and they fell down the hole!
What? 
Where?
!
?
Oh no! 
You should go home!
Go home, quickly!
Bom! 
Lee Bom!
Where are you?
Bom! 
Bom!
Mom!
Bom! 
Bom!
Mom!
Are you in here?
Bom, Mom's here!
Are you alright, my daughter? 
Are you hurt?
I'm not hurt, I'm fine.
Mom, Boram is crying.
Bom, Mom's going to save you immediately.
I'll pull you up soon, just wait a moment.
Lower your head quickly.
Bom, grab my hand quickly!
Grab my hand.
Grab my hand.
- Mom, pull Boram up first!
- Bom!
If you were going to make her suffer in pain in this dreadful world, why did you willfully give birth to this child on your own? 
Why?
Bom, you are sick right now.
You can't get hurt at all.
Bom! 
Mom will pull you up first!
I'll help Boram next. 
Grab my hand!
No! 
Pull Boram up first.
It's more urgent for Boram!
Bom!
Ok, I'll pull Boram out first.
Mom didn't think correctly just now.
Bom! 
I want you to lift Boram by her hips when I count to 3, ok?
1... 2... 3...
Mom...
Mom! 
Mom!
Where would those two go in this sort of weather?
I don't know.
Go ahead and eat the noodles.
I'll try looking for them.
No, Hyung! 
I'm scared! 
Don't go!
Why are you so afraid of a little lightning?
Grandpa, aren't you a tough grown man?
Don't go, Hyung! 
Don't go!
Thank you, Hyung!
"Thank you." Every hour and moment, it's always "Thank you."
You are also thankful even when you are facing your enemies.
Because Grandfather taught your grand-daughter and her daughter that way, they always act like fools, and get bullied and looked down upon by people.
If you're been stepped on, give them the same treatment!
If you've been cheated, do the same in return!
This is what you should have taught them!
How can you all live like that in this dirty world?
A beautiful world?
This is really an utter rot!
Yes, Hyung... you are an utter rot!
No, I'm not the utter rot.
It's the world that's the utter rot!
Yes, because Hyung is an utter rot, the world is an utter rot.
You poop dog!
Hyung, I'll give you a choco-pie.
I think something must've happened for sure.
I'm going to try to look for them, so stay here and don't move a muscle!
Yes, Doctor Oh.
What?
What happened to Bom's mother?
!
Ok, I got it.
I won't be meddling in your matters ever again.
Even if you are dying before my eyes,
I won't even blink my eyes either.
Bom...
Lee Bom!
Ahjussi...
Mom...
While she was trying to get Boram and me out...
She got Boram and me out...
But... mom...
My mom...
It's alright.
That's why I came... 
Guardian Angel Number 1.
Mom... 
Mom...
Angels are not afraid of lightning storms so will you go and stay inside my car?
The heater's on, so it's warm, ok?
Young Shin...
What are we to do? 
Young Shin...
Why? 
Why is she like this?
Even if you are dying before my eyes,
I won't even blink my eyes either.
Oh, here... here...
There are no external wounds, but her blood pressure keeps dropping.
And she's lost consciousness.
They said she got hit by a branch, but...
It's on this side?
Yes.
Stethoscope.
Yes.
Young Shin... 
What are we to do?
Oh really, why is it like this?
Disinfectant.
Disinfectant!
Yes...
Scalpel.
Tube...
Didn't it damage her intercostal arteries because she injured her rib?
Oh, God! 
All that blood!
What can we do? 
That's too much.
That won't do if she doesn't stop bleeding.
We don't have any surgery supplies...
The first thing is to try and get more blood for her.
What is Bom's mom's blood type?
Citizens of Blue Island, attention please.
I repeat once again that this is an emergency notice.
The health centre right now is in need of blood donation.
Anyone with Type B blood, we are requesting that you come immediately to the clinic.
Because we don't have enough blood right now, a person might die!
We are requesting your charity, please!
For those of you who have Type B blood, please come immediately to the clinic!
Bom's mother may die because there isn't enough blood!
I know it's hard with the storm but please!
We really need everyone's help!
Bom's mother...
Instead of Bom, she saved me first.
Bom said that she was alright and told me that I should go out first.
I know! 
Stop it!
I heard you saying that over 100 times since just now.
But really, what is your blood type?
Isn't it Type B?
Honestly, mine's the same as yours.
It's Type AB.
Bom's mom is really...
The people are already unwilling to go near them because of AIDS.
Who would be willing to donate blood to her?
Did they get shot in the head by a gun?
If someone donates blood to Young Shin...
I'll give that person a letter of commendation, a letter of commendation.
Then, you take the letter of commendation.
What?
Aren't you Type B?
Go and donate your blood.
I'll give you that letter of commendation.
Aunt...
Anyway, we will talk later after she's saved.
Go, I'll give you 100,000 won in addition to the letter of commendation.
Ok then, 200,000 won.
Then, Aunt... you go.
Aren't you Type B as well?
Yong Joo is Type B, Seok Hyeon is Type B too.
Stop talking nonsense!
Everyone in our house is Type A. Type A! 
Type A!
Thanks, Dear...
I shouted so loudly to make that announcement.
But why doesn't even one person come?
It's already a liter.
She'll die if this carries on.
Then, do you want to use the clamp?
If we were to clamp it now, there will be haemothorax tension.
She would immediately suffer from an arrest*.
(*cardiac/heart arrest or stoppage)
At this rate, one or two blood donors would not make any difference.
Give me the name list of all the blood Type B villagers.
The blood Type B villagers?
The only way for us to persuade them is to talk to them in person.
Then, let's go together.
You are still not too familiar here yet.
First, transfuse the donated blood to her quickly.
And keep giving her normal saline without stopping.
Check the percolator continuously and grab more lines.
Yes...
Please open the door!
There's something I have to say!
Please open the door!
Aunty, I'm Dr. Oh from the health clinic!
Right now, Bom's mother is dying because there's not enough blood.
Please donate your blood.
I'm not forcing you, but since we are all neighbors, I'm asking you to donate blood.
Let's go to the next place.
Use the umbrella.
Please help! 
I'm begging you to donate blood!
It's not dangerous at all to donate blood!
I'm begging you! 
I beg you!
Please donate your blood...
Enough! 
Enough!
Aunty!
I already told you to leave!
Hey, Min Gyu!
Min Gyu, open the door!
That fellow has been good friends with me for over 40 years.
He's well known for having healthy blood and is fanatical when it comes to donating blood.
He already has over 10 blood registration cards, that fellow.
And it's so fortunate that he's Type B as well.
Don't worry, he'll surely help for sure.
Hey, Min Gyu! 
It's me!
It's me, Taek Dong! 
What are you doing?
Mister!
Mister!
Ah, my bad memory...
He took his mother on a trip to Kyung-Ju for her 80th birthday.
He'll only be back tomorrow.
At such a critical time, how could that fella...
Why must I be a Type A?
At such a critical time...
Dr. Min! 
Dr. Min!
How did it go?
There's only one last place we could go to.
Where?
Young Shin, you must hang in there.
You are so pitiful, what are we to do?
We might as well give up and go back!
How will she donate her blood so easily?
Let's go!
I thought this was our last chance?
I never had hope from the start for Yong Joo's grandma.
It's Kang Shin Shin, the woman who does cleaning for this house.
She is a distant niece of Yong Joo's grandma.
She is also a Type B.
But isn't it obvious that she will refuse?
Don't waste your strength!
It's better that we make another round of visits!
Really, I'm Type A.
The check-up last time made a mistake.
When I did a check-up at the city hospital, they told me that I was Type A.
I want to help out as well, but what am I to do when our blood types are different?
Sorry...
Why did they come looking here?
How am I supposed to donate blood if I feel so grossed out about it?
Let's go around the neighborhood again.
They might have changed their minds.
The forecast is for the weather to improve by tomorrow morning.
It'll be good if she can hang on until tomorrow morning.
It's too much to ask, right?
You are a good person, Dr. Oh.
To be out helping all you can on such a rainy day...
Professor Min Jun Ho taught me that.
Doctor Min's father!
Professor Min Jun Ho told us!
Don't look at the illness.
Look at the person first.
Did you just get here from Seoul, right now?
I didn't think the ferry would sail now!
Ah... you must've come yesterday!
Let's go! 
Even one second is precious...
Do you happen to be a blood Type B?
Seok Hyeon...
Young Shin.
She must've lost half of the blood from her body for sure.
Do you think she can be saved?
Bom's mother...
For the sake of Bom, you have to try getting stronger!
Just hang on until tomorrow morning, please...
Put in more strength, Bom's mother!
You can't die.
Her blood pressure's 80/50.
Her pulse is 150.
What are we to do, Young Shin?
Young Shin, you can't just go like this!
What are Grandpa and Bom going to do? 
Young Shin!
You can't go, Young Shin! 
Young Shin!
Nurse Bak, Nurse Bak!
It's just risen, 100/80...
Hello! 
Hello!
Hello...
Hello! 
Please talk.
It's Gi Seo.
Yes, Min Gi Seo...
It's Father.
You're doing fine, aren't you?
Because of a multiple rib fracture, it damaged her chest.
I inserted a tube because there was haemothorax, but it just won't stop bleeding!
It just won't stop bleeding!
Then you have to tie up the cavity!
That's the very basic.
I've tried that and it doesn't work!
I've done it and it doesn't work!
This is a god-forsaken small island, not a big hospital!
Then have you tried tying it up by stitching the intercostal artery?
Tie up the source of the bleeding and the intercostal artery muscle together.
The arteries there are right below the ribs.
You have to use artery forceps to tie them!
Artery forceps! 
Artery forceps!
Yes...
Blood... 
Her bleeding has stopped.
120...
Her blood pressure's rising.
Her bleeding has stopped but I may have to insert an intubation if she has difficulty breathing.
All you can do is to pull back everything in a stable position.
External fixation...
All right, you have already done all you can as a doctor.
The rest is now up to God.
Hello?
Min Gi Seo.
Thank... thank you.
Thank you.
Yes... 
I'm thankful too.
Doctor! 
This rascal is also Type B!
I dragged him here after catching him hiding in the jar.
Let go! 
Am I not your son?
!
I'm your real son, right? 
I'm so scared.
You will be still alright after drawing out a little blood, rascal!
Just look at your Young Shin Noona.
If there were three biscuits, she would only leave one for herself... and give us the remaining two, rascal!
Then what about AIDS?
What if I catch it after staying by Young Shin Noona or Bom for a while...
Ignorant fool!
If Young Shin or Bom passes the disease to me, I'll leave the motel to you! 
Rascal!
Really? 
You will really give it to me?
Will you be giving out choco-pies and milk after I'm done with this?
Open and clutch your fist repeatedly.
As much as my age?
Continue on, hurry.
All right, you have already done all you can as a doctor.
The rest is now up to God.
A fool you are
Really... thank you
You who only see me, who give everything to me without sparing
An angel you are
It must be hard and tiring for you at times
But you believe in me without wavering, when I have nothing to show
Isn't it strange?
It seems you have no tears
Even when you're in pain, you smile for me
I smile because I am happy by your side
These words I have kept at the bottom of my throat
I really love you
My foolish love which cannot even be expressed
Now I finally say this...
I live because you exist
Ahjussi... 
Ahjussi!
Ahjussi... 
Ahjussi...
Ahjussi...
Did you sleep well?
Thank you for staying alive.
Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Main Translators: iluxxx, yeohweping Spot Translators: purpletiger86, soonjap
Special thanks to dramaok for lyrics translation
Timer: jann Editor/QC: thunderbolt
Coordinators: mily2, ay_link
Don't touch me.
You'll catch AIDS.
Don't... don't come near me.
Please include me in along with Young Shin and Grandfather.
You're too late.
Oh no, it pooped!
Mrs. Song-ssi, did you poop?
Yes.
Yes, I pooped here.
Should I call my Hyung from Seoul to come here?
Ahjussi!
You came too late...
Because I came too near...
while you didn't come here...
Goodbye... you pig-headed idiot.
I can't let her go. 
It's taken over 10 years for me... so step aside.
I don't want to. 
I don't want to.
What if I give AIDS to someone? 
What then?
Did you ask me what Bom and her mother are to me?
They're a miracle.

Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Episode 4
There's someone I must apologize to before I die.
Because of my mistake, a child contracted HIV.
She lives on that island.
The kid that I made a mistake on two years ago.
Mom! 
This unni gave me this bear.
She told me to take it.
An unni on the ferry gave it to me.
That unni told me to take it...
Oh, you are that ahjussi on that ferry.
What must you do when you bleed?
Repeat Rule Number 2 to me.
I must use the handkerchief that mom gave me to wipe the blood.
And put it in the plastic bag.
It's not that. 
Again.
Not to accept help from others.
You must be really worried about noona, our Bom Dong Ee.
Oh, is that so?
It's alright. 
Noona doesn't even feel a bit of pain.
Just now, that ahjussi saw my blood, right?
Oh, it's only for a while, just a while.
What to do, mom?
From now on, mom can't earn any money and grandpa will be sick forever.
Uncle will be forced to quit school as well?
It's alright since he only saw just a little.
You recited Rules 2 and 3 really well.
Mom will beg the dragon king to show mercy.
No. 2.
I must use the handkerchief that mom gave me to wipe the blood.
Put it in the plastic bag and bring it home.
No. 3.
Even if I fall and bleed, I never accept help from anyone.
That's right?
What am I to do about this genius kid?
Let's forget about elementary school and go straight to junior high, how about it?
Give me a ticket.
The last ferry for today has already left.
Uncle... will be going out for a while.
What's this? 
The face of my Oppa...
I can't stand it, can't stand it.
I really can't stand Mr. Lee at all.
Bean Paste...
Do you want to doll yourself all pretty as well?
What am I to do about my Oppa's face?
Really, when will you ever become sensible?
Bom...
I'll doll you up really pretty, Bean Paste.
Oh, this is already broken.
Why are you already creating trouble?
Do you know how much my mom suffered because of you?
Lee Bom!
Who are you talking to now?
Is Grandpa your friend?
Grandpa keeps on upsetting you.
Who is upset? 
Am I upset?
Have you been looking inside my heart?
Don't you know how much fun mom is having?
Mr. Lee, come doll me up.
Just like that make-up you gave Bom's Oppa, please give me a beautiful makeover.
You want a makeover? 
Pretty sister, too.
Yes, make me up. 
Draw it more beautifully.
It's really pretty.
It's really, really pretty.
Because of Mr. Lee, Young Shin finally puts on make-up.
I had never made up even once since I moved to this island.
Lee Young Shin is really blissful now.
Mr. Lee, me too.
Draw on me, please.
No, I won't.
Ugly Bean Paste.
Make up for me. 
I'm sorry for just now.
I'm at fault, make up for me, please?
- Make up.
- Bom, come over...
Here...
It's so fun...
But even so, you are still Ugly Bean Paste.
Yes.
Young Shin will be giving a treat for tonight's dinner.
I'll be making Grandpa's favorite meat buns.
Seok Hyeon...
Is Bom still fine?
Yes...
May I talk with you for a while?
Do you see the stars often?
I don't get to see them often.
You don't get to see stars in the Seoul sky.
It's even difficult to raise your head to see the sky.
It's more difficult to imagine.
Don't you have anything to tell me?
Nothing...
There should be something.
Nothing at all.
Bom is my kid, right?
Am I Bom's dad?
Then, just say it out now.
Before it gets too late.
No...
I have never thought of running away or denying it, so...
No!
No matter what my mom says...
Even if I have to cut off ties with her, I'll...
Have you eaten something wrong?
Are you deaf to my words?
I told you no.
I already told you no, so why are you still acting like this?
Do you think that I had only one man?
What's with me?
Why are you and your mom like this to me?
Why are you treating me like this?
Because my heart hurts.
It has always been like this after I met Bom.
My heart will ache strangely.
I'll say it one last time.
Our Bom's father is someone else.
Do I also have to explain to you why your heart hurts?
Right, I'm sorry.
Go inside. 
Bom must be waiting for you.
When she's having a nose bleed or having difficulties, she should let others help and she help others too.
I'll gratefully accept help from others if I'm having difficulties.
I'll help others too when they are having difficulties.
People should live helping one other.
Shouldn't you have taught her that?
Sorry, I shouldn't interfere in how you teach your child.
But I think you should re-teach her about that important thing.
Like today, when she's having a difficult time with her nose bleed, she should accept help from others.
The adults are by her side as well.
To let an eight-year old kid suffer alone...
Wiping her own blood and cleaning after herself, that's something that she should only do when there is no one else left around her.
To let you bear it all...
For letting you endure alone...
I'm really sorry.
I overheard Seok Hyeon and his friends talking about a bet.
He told them that he would sleep with Lee Young Shin before he entered the army.
Those are big words from Seok Hyeon knowing that you like him.
There is no one else, so why must he be playing around with a pitiful person like you?
Girl, you can't already be played by him, right?
What are you doing, mom?
Are you peeing?
Yes...
Oh, really. 
Doesn't an adult know that it's really shameful?
You're talking bad again, again.
Why use shameful?
You should say it's not good or it's embarrassing.
It's not good. 
It's embarrassing.
But why are you peeing with your clothes on?
No, Mom's not peeing right now.
I'm just squatting to rest for a while as my legs hurt.
Bom!
What?
Do you still have a need for a dad?
Do you still want to have a dad?
Oh, is that so?
Then, how do you feel about this ahjussi?
Are you going to carry on standing there?
I have already eaten my buns and noodles.
Don't just stand there like this. 
Come in.
Is there really no other motel nearby?
There's another one over there, at that junction.
But there are a lot of people gathering there to play chess.
It's so noisy that you wouldn't be able to sleep at all.
I'll give you a 1000won discount.
1500. 
I can't go down any further.
My mom will beat me to death if she gets to know about it.
Hey! 
Hey! 
That!
Do you have any slippers?
Hey! 
I don't use blankets.
Help me buy some soju.
You want to buy so much wine? 
All of it?
Is this the motel that's haunted?
The ghost?
We are innocent.
That's not the ghost from our motel.
It's the ghost of that person who was killed by one of our motel's guests.
In other words, that ghost followed that guest here.
We are the falsely accused party here.
Don't worry.
In prevention of anything untoward...
My mom pasted an amulet over there to repel ghosts.
When did you come?
Why didn't you wait inside since it's quite cold?
Why aren't you speaking?
What? 
What's wrong?
Is your mouth frozen?
Did you eat honey?
Oh...
What did you ask me?
When did you come?
I came here two hours ago.
Why didn't I wait inside since it's cold?
Because I wanted to do this.
I feel that I'm the only one interested in this.
Do you hate it?
You don't like it?
You think I'm not good?
Such things have already happened often before we are married.
Yong Joo...
The Aunty from Seoul is here.
Give a call to the fishmonger for me.
Tell him to deliver the best and biggest fish over immediately.
Ok.
No, no, no.
Not immediately but slowly.
Tell him to send it over slowly.
Yes.
He looks really handsome, mom.
Why are you always looking at men's faces?
Stop looking and sleep. 
It's already past ten.
Is he really introduced by Yong Joo Oppa's grandma?
Yes, she came to give me that during the day.
What question is this that's so difficult?
Is it a question for high-schoolers?
Doesn't that Grandma hate you and me?
No...
It's not that she doesn't like us, but it's just how she expresses herself that's weird.
No, she really doesn't like us at all.
Actually, she does like us.
She just expresses it weirdly.
No, she hates us.
Cloth, rock, scissors then.
Rocks, scissors, cloth. 
Take one out.
See, what I said was right, understand?
She doesn't like us at all.
Sleep.
Lie down quickly.
Close your eyes.
I like this ahjussi, mom.
Papa... 
Ah Pa... 
Papa...
You followed me here as well, right?
Show yourself if you followed me here, Cha Ji Min.
We should have a talk as well.
Please show yourself, ok?
Come out.
I won't be scared.
To let me encounter that kid in such a funny way, is that your doing?
And so, what do you want me to do?
I'll take the first ferry back and return to Seoul tomorrow.
Return to my home with me.
Or, if you wish, you can stay on this island.
Hyung, please help me say it.
If I don't get to see her, Hyung, you tell her for me.
Tell her that it was my fault but I never intended it.
Tell her that my heart hurt a lot for her when I was alive.
Enough.
Shut up, rascal.
How dare you still beg others when you are already dead?
Enough.
I don't know...
I'm going to sleep.
Guest...
Maybe, you are in need of a girl?
Oppa.
Rascal.
Come over now, now.
Although you might not believe it,
Oppa, it's my first time today.
Maybe you really don't believe it.
But to give myself entirely to such a handsome guy like you...
I had never given in before no matter how my Unni threatened me.
I really put in lots of effort, lots of effort.
What are you doing right now?
Did I tell you to take off your clothes?
Don't overextend yourself and just sing a song for me.
Just leave after you finish singing.
You really don't want anything else besides singing?
'Please give me one last hug'
'As this is the last night'
It's not this song.
Clementine.
What? 
Clem...
Ah... 
Oppa, you're a pervert!
Why didn't you say so earlier?
You want to do the whatever while I sing?
You...
How do you want to do it?
A strip show? 
Oppa...
Leave.
Leave!
Mom, you really don't like it?
That ahjussi in the photo?
Well, not that much...
I just feel you are not normal either.
What's abnormal about me?
The reaction of ordinary people...
No, a child's reaction...
They normally won't like to have step-parents.
Ji Seon... 
She cried so sadly when her dad remarried.
How Ji Seon reacted is supposed to be normal, understand?
Although it's not that it isn't anything good.
That's because Ji Seon is so immature.
What about you? 
You are not so mature yourself either.
From the normal point of view, you are still a kid.
Mom, you don't like to get married?
To be honest, I like it better this way, living with you and Grandpa.
To be honest, I don't like being the child of an unwed single mother.
What? 
What's wrong with being the child of an unmarried mother?
Mom gave birth to you because of love.
I didn't get married because there were conditions that prevented me.
You too. 
Living until now, has everything in life always been going your way?
Eh, just as you wish?
No, life doesn't go as I wish.
That's what I meant.
Mom, you're not the child of an unwed single mother.
So you won't know how hard it is for me.
What is this? 
Are there flies in the winter?
Mosquitoes?
Just sleep, ok?
Mom...
Mom...
Mom, are you asleep?
How can a sleeping person still answer?
You always pretend to snore when you have no words to say.
Mom...
I'm really asleep.
Please don't talk to me.
I got it.
It'll be my turn to sing you a lullaby today.
Go to sleep, my child.
'By the ocean, by the big sea...'
'In the grass hut nearby' lived a father who catches fish and his thoughtless daughter
Oh, my darling, oh, my darling
'Oh, my darling Clementine'
'With your father old and left alone'
'Where do you always wander around?
'
Hyung...
Hyung...
Hyung...
Hyung...
Hyung!
Why are you sleeping here?
Go inside and sleep.
Go inside the house and sleep.
Oh, it's so cold.
Have a good rest now.
Bom, are you cold?
Did the fire go out?
Come, Mom shall hug you.
Mom, get up. 
Mom...
Why are you there?
Bom, why is this person lying here?
I don't know.
I went to the toilet just now.
Mom, you were hugging him so tightly, like this...
Oh no, I'm crazy, I must be crazy.
Because his head is big, so I thought it was you.
Am I dreaming?
Bom, can you pinch me?
It isn't a dream, Mom.
Thief Ahjussi could be here to take back Bom Dong Ee.
Hey!
Hey! 
Ahjussi... 
Thief...
Hey! 
Get up. 
Ahjussi, what are you doing here?
What are you doing?
Ahjussi, why are you here?
You are here to steal Bom Dong Ee?
Aunty, you should tidy the room neatly if you intend to rent it out.
What?
Who meddled with the heater in my room?
How could I sleep when it was freezing?
That... 
Because...
If I were to freeze to death, will you be responsible?
Because you left so suddenly yesterday.
I didn't expect you to be back.
And you!
Yes?
Who stole what?
Is that yours?
No, it's your girlfriend's.
So am I a thief?
No...
Try calling me a thief once more, and you'll get it.
If I were to give you Bom Dong Ee, you must not quarrel, and play well.
Yes.
Take Bom Dong Ee.
From now on, it's yours.
Really?
I will not quarrel with Bom Dong Ee.
I will treat it very well.
We are going to be very close.
Right, Bom Dong Ee?
Ah, my stomach feels weird.
Aye, my stomach feels weird.
Is your stomach feeling uncomfortable, Ahjussi?
Mom, Ahjussi said he is feeling uncomfortable.
What are you doing, Bom?
Hey! 
What are you doing?
Ahjussi feels uncomfortable, so I'm making him some honey water.
Such expensive stuff?
!
Aye, I really cannot stand you. 
Seriously!
Move aside!
What a pity! 
What shall I do?
Look at this.
Shall Deong Dari* come too? 
(*their dog)
Really...
Oh, it's too sweet.
You placed the whole jar of honey inside?
It's such expensive stuff!
Because it's so expensive, I only give it to Grandpa.
Didn't Ahjussi give me Bom Dong Ee for free?
Bom Dong Ee is Bom Dong Ee. 
Honey is honey.
If he gives you two Bom Dong Ees, then you'll give him the whole jar?
Shall we let Ahjussi drink all of it?
Again, again.
Why is such a small kid so ignorant?
Previously, you kept calling him a thief.
Now because he gave you a soft toy, you're like this.
If you continue being like this, how can you survive in such a cruel society?
What is cruel?
What?
Cruel society... 
What does cruel mean?
Cruel means it is bad, tiring, and evil...
Is the society bad, tiring and evil?
Did I say cruel society?
I made a mistake.
I drank too much honey so I said the wrong things.
The world isn't cruel. 
It's beautiful.
Isn't there a song?
'Let us create a beautiful world...'
I want to learn too! 
Teach me.
I will after you come back from school.
Go and see if Grandpa is awake or not.
Clean Grandpa's face with a hot towel.
3: 
Massage Grandpa's shoulder.
4: 
Smell if Grandpa pooped or urinated.
Who does she take after?
So ignorant, that small kid.
Ah, it's so sweet.
Is he that good-looking?
Why should I give him such expensive stuff? 
That ill-mannered jerk.
Mom!
Mom, something bad happened!
Grandpa disappeared! 
He took his accordion along!
What?
Could you do a check on the people around here?
Employment, address and everything else.
And send it here as soon as possible.
Because we're all residents.
So check if he came because of other matters.
What did you say? 
I'm sorry.
Yes.
I will mail over the map and photograph.
Help me check on those problems.
If you hit it with the stone, the accordion will cry in pain, Grandpa.
Why? 
Are you feeling down?
Even if you are down, how can you take it out on your accordion which you treat like your child?
Say it out then.
I cannot remember.
I cannot remember.
I cannot remember.
Grandpa! 
Mr. Lee!
- Mr. Lee!
- Did you see our Grandpa?
- Grandpa! 
Did you see our Grandpa?
- Mr. Lee! 
Where are you?
I didn't see him.
Mr. Lee!
Hello! 
Didn't you see our Grandpa?
I didn't.
Grandpa!
Mr. Lee! 
Where are you?
!
This isn't the one?
Grandpa learned so many tunes.
Before Grandpa fell ill,
Grandpa taught me how to play the accordion, don't you remember?
This is the tune that my son likes!
It's my son's birthday today.
My son is in the sea.
Yes...
Grandpa! 
Grandpa!
No, Grandpa!
Grandpa!
Grandpa! 
Where are you?
Grandpa!
Mom!
Let's go back and have a look.
He didn't take a boat, so he might be back home now.
Yes, he should be back by now, right?
Let's go.
Young Shin! 
Young Shin!
Young Shin! 
Something happened!
Grandpa, he...
Hey! 
Young Shin! 
Young Shin!
Hey! 
Young Shin! 
Grandpa fell into the sea! 
Seok Hyeon saved him!
Aye, this old man, always creating trouble, always!
Grandpa... 
Grandpa!
He will catch a cold. 
Hurry up!
Hurry up and get into the house! 
Hurry!
What are you doing?
Why won't you take some blankets?
Get some undergarments here too!
Hurry!
Yes.
What to do... 
Grandpa?
What's with your expression?
Did your grandpa fall into the sea?
Is there a difference between her grandpa and mine?
Between Young Shin and I...
Young Shin!
If Bom's mom tells you to die with her, you probably will.
Young Shin! 
Bom!
Doctor!
Give me! 
Give me my shoe!
Let's go. 
Nurse Bak, who has a family.
Young Shin! 
Bom!
Grandpa! 
Grandpa!
Give it to me!
Grandpa...
Grandpa...
Stop making your granddaughter worry.
You should stay at home next time.
Didn't I ask you to lock the doors?
Why won't you listen?
There isn't any problem. 
He isn't hurt.
Because he is having a fever, his temperature is high.
Just keep him warm, that will do.
Thank you. 
Thank you.
This person is the one who saved him, right?
That's really great.
Not many people can get into such cold water.
If I were to pass by there a little earlier,
I'd definitely save Grandpa too, Young Shin.
So we can stop worrying about Grandpa?
Of course. 
There's no need to worry about Grandpa.
You should change into new clothes too. 
Or you might catch a cold.
Grandpa! 
Doctor!
Grandpa! 
Grandpa!
What to do? 
Grandpa!
Get a hold of yourself, Grandpa!
Heartbeat 80. 
High pressure 60.
Low pressure 34. 
Doctor!
This isn't good. 
His heartbeat is too weak.
Go get the IV line.
What is it? 
What's wrong?
Is he not able to make it?
Do we have to go to the hospital?
I found his pulse, Doctor.
Give him an Epi and Atropine injection.
Yes.
I'm done with the injection.
Grandpa! 
Grandpa is ok again!
Aye, my heart almost stopped.
This old man really never fails to create trouble.
Get out, you jerk!
You are Senior Min Gi Seo, right?
I'm Oh Jong Soo from Year 1997.
Your dad, Professor Min, was my teacher.
I've been hearing about your fame for quite some time.
I'll go in after the count of 5.
1... 2... 3...
When there's numbness caused by a heart attack, we can't feel the pulse, right?
I'm going to count to 5.
Once I count to 5, I'll go in.
Although it's a little slow, there should still be a pulse.
What is that then?
Doctor! 
There's something weird with Grandpa again!
His breathing is a little weird!
What?
You have high blood pressure, right?
You should eat such stuff. 
You have to eat food with plenty of salt.
It is not NACL, but KCL. 
You stupid fool.
KCL?
- Atrioventricular block!
- Doctor! 
Hurry!
Give Grandpa a vitamin injection. 
Hurry!
What?
Grandpa has high blood pressure and diabetes, right?
He is also in his first stage of kidney failure.
Because he was shivering in the cold, his blood pressure increased. 
That's why it's an intermittent pulse.
What are you doing? 
Let's hurry on in.
Give me my shoe back, you bad dog!
I am going to attack now.
So Mr. Lee should defend like this.
Here. 
Mr. Lee, try it.
Aye, seriously, what are you doing?
Bom, just go along with whatever Grandpa wants to do.
Play 'AhlGahGi' with him.
That isn't interesting at all.
Doctor said that if Grandpa plays Chinese chess seriously, it'll be advantageous for his condition. 
He will be smarter.
Aye! 
Seriously!
Just play 'AhlGahGi'.
I've got it.
Ah! 
What's wrong?
I'm not playing with you.
I want to play with Seok Hyeon.
Really. 
Who is Seok Hyeon?
Who is Seok Hyeon, Mom?
Ask Seok Hyeon to come over.
Hurry up and ask Seok Hyeon over.
Who is Seok Hyeon?
Young Shin's friend. 
Why?
Stinky sauce.
Young Shin is our Mom.
Our Mom is Young Shin, Mr. Lee.
No, Young Shin is Young Shin.
Seok Hyeon is Young Shin's friend.
You remember Seok Hyeon, Grandpa?
You don't even remember me, Yong Woo and Bom. 
But you remember who Seok Hyeon is?
Hurry up and ask Seok Hyeon here.
Seok Hyeon! 
Seok Hyeon!
Seok Hyeon! 
Seok Hyeon!
What's wrong, Mom?
Open up! 
I have something to tell you!
I am having my shower now.
I've seen you naked for how many years already!
Your mom is getting short of breath! 
Hurry and open up!
Are you in a clear state of mind?
Do you have brains?
Are you awake? 
Do you have brains?
You bad kid!
Why are you behaving this way suddenly?
You were the one who saved Young Shin's grandpa?
Yes.
Why? 
Why should you?
What if you drown together with him?
Why must you save him?
He fell into the sea because he wanted to retrieve my hat.
What?
Grandpa fell into the sea because of me.
How could that be?
It's all because he is an idiot.
Stop being so stubborn!
Even if it isn't Young Shin's grandpa but others,
I will save them if they fall into the sea too.
No matter what, I don't want any relation with their family.
I'm afraid of rumors in such a village.
Hearing such words from Eun Hee...
Although she didn't say much, but her face doesn't look good.
Go and show some concern.
I heard he is a pervert.
Miss Jung said she has seen many perverts in her lifetime, but never one as extreme as him.
Look, look, look.
The bikini is about to break.
Really? 
I cannot tell.
Here, let us have another cup.
Anyone who wants to be a doctor has to look upon you as an example.
Although you aren't really capable, so what?
You're humble, honest, and sincere.
It doesn't mean you are not capable at all.
Actually if it weren't for you,
Bom's grandpa would have been in a bad shape, wouldn't he?
Well, you can say so too.
We'll leave after this drink.
It's my treat for the second round.
Shall we do that?
Actually I lost my appetite because of some people, and there's something I want to tell you too.
Oh yes. 
Doctor Oh, you saved Boram's dad that time too, right?
Doctor Oh, you began the basics first.
That pervert took the knife over, thinking he's so great. 
Isn't that so?
Pervert and an ill-mannered jerk.
Let's go.
Ahjumma, please deduct today's bill from my account.
The bill shouldn't be that much.
I'm sorry that I'm late.
You already had 4 glasses.
What will happen if you were drunk?
You are going against the rules.
I am not drunk. 
My limit is a carton.
Why didn't you pick up your phone?
I tried to call you for quite some time.
I lost it.
Use this then.
I have two of it.
It's better than mine.
Can we watch TV too?
How did you end up in Young Shin's house?
Well, just like that.
The motel is rundown, no apartments to rent...
What kind of village is this?
I said that I've never taken hardship before.
Do you intend to continue staying there?
Young Shin's house.
Young Shin makes really good food.
She keeps everything clean and is a nice person.
There isn't any other apartment better than that.
Do you intend to continue staying there?
Until we have to leave?
You should know that...
Young Shin has to raise a child and a grandpa with dementia on her own at such a young age.
At such a young age, she has to earn money and suffer for the family.
At this rate, that kid will break down someday.
Even if she is so tired she feels like dying, she won't seek any help.
Stop drinking. 
You are drunk.
I don't understand anything that you are saying.
Will you help me protect her?
Stay beside our Young Shin and protect her.
Today's incident might occur many times in future.
Young Shin is unable to bear it on her own.
Aren't you a person who is full of energy?
Why don't you do it then?
If you are so worried, why don't you?
That's impossible.
I won't.
I am unable to.
Is this a fee for helping you?
If you need more, tell me.
Just tell me how much more you need.
If she falls, pick her up.
If she is hurt, help her to apply medicine.
Even if she doesn't need your help, you have to help her.
If she cries, wipe away her tears.
Take good care of Grandpa too.
Bom...
Bom too.
Take good care of her just like you are her father.
Alright then.
I've picked up something cheap.
Once you are awake, don't think of going back.
Since when did you come?
Just.
Do you need help?
It's okay. 
I'm about to finish.
Did you drink a lot?
No.
I feel uncomfortable. 
I'd like to have a shower.
Are you tired?
What's so tiring about this?
What's so tiring?
What is so tiring?
Coward.
Little coward.
Fool...
Hey! 
Are you alright?
Hey! 
Are you alright?
Hey... 
That...
Are you alright?
Hey!
Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Main Translators: yeohweping, iluxxx
Spot Translator: purpletiger86
Timers: schizoar, WroW
Editor/QC: thunderbolt
Coordinators: mily2, ay_link
How do we look alike? 
How?
We don't, Grandma!
That's right. 
We don't, right?
It just so happens we have that mole there.
Hello, Master.
Aigoo, that's so old-fashioned.
Peeping at a man in a shower.
Are you interested in me?
That is our Seok Hyeon!
Seok Hyeon is Young Shin's friend!
Don't let Ahjussi go, Mom!
Don't let Ahjussi go!
Lee Bom!
You are a bad mother!
As long as you don't leave this place, I am willing to do anything for you.
Then get married.
Hurry up and let our Seok Hyeon get married.
We cannot introduce Young Shin to that jerk!
What did you say?
Even if you hug the moon, the next day will still come, get it?
If you are a hero, you will always be one and if you are a quack, will you always be one also?
I didn't save your lover.
If you are following me, then appear, Cha Ji Min.
We should have a talk.

Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Episode 6
Did you sleep here?
What have you done to me?
I haven't done anything.
I really haven't done anything to you.
I just fell asleep while folding the clothes.
I really didn't do anything.
Just tell the truth.
I'm telling the truth. 
I didn't do anything.
Tell the truth.
No, it's not what you think.
Men like you, even ten carloads full, I won't bat an eyelid.
What do you take me for?
Are you at ease living like this?
Are you at ease living like this?
The three principles for construction:
Relax, Enjoy...
Well-being... are the basic concepts of this resort.
To enable all guests to enjoy the full scenery, we built the hotel on the east and west sides.
Inside, being spacious and well-lit is the main theme of the interior design.
Additional facilities are luxurious and trendy,
Including a fishing pond and facilities for various sea activities.
In the resort, there are facilities to meet the many needs.
To fulfill the trend of promoting well-being,
Our company has prepared many facilities,
Including a 27-hole golf course and a hot spring spa,
Also a back-to-nature walking trek,
Increasing the rest factor in this development.
The facility development is in progress now.
If no special situations arise, the land purchase will be completed in one week.
For someone who loves to be clean, yet can't shower and exercise,
It's very inconvenient, right?
It's done.
Many thanks.
Well, Doctor Min Gi Seo...
The doctor is still blaming himself.
So anyway, when you were hurt and you came here,
Well...
Didn't he say it was all your fault that your girlfriend died?
He's just like that. 
Words just slip out of his mouth.
Even now, he's pulling his hair out, chastising himself.
So?
So I was thinking, if it's all right with you, before you go, you can you tell him to forget it and that you'll forgive him?
He said he's too ashamed to face you, so he's hiding in the toilet now.
Hey!
Ah...
Do us a favor, please.
If this goes on, it won't do.
If you're a man,
You should bear the consequences of the words you speak.
Moreover, you didn't say anything wrong.
I did cause her to die, didn't I?
I can't hold it in any longer!
Aren't you coming out?
Um... well... it doesn't flush properly.
I think you'd better use the female toilet next door.
It's broken.
Deong dari, eat your breakfast.
It's time to eat.
You didn't eat anything last night either.
What are you up to?
Really, deong dari, are you planning to starve?
Deong dari, this is your favorite food.
Come out quick.
Come on, deong dari. 
Are you Mr. Lee?
Why are you making things so difficult?
Deong dari, come out and eat now!
You got a scare, right?
Eat this quick.
Aren't you going to school?
I'm going now.
What's the time now?
Oh my! 
You're late, Bom!
Didn't you listen to what I said?
Have you really given up on your life?
No.
I haven't given up on life.
I wanted to do as you told me to, but Mom didn't tell me to go to school.
Don't use your mom as an excuse.
You should decide your own actions, right?
You should be in control of your own life.
Being late like this, it's not acceptable.
Are you at ease living like this?
No, I'm not.
Ahjussi, are you disappointed in me?
Try that again, see if we given you any more food.
Whether it's the dog or the child, is this how you're bringing them up?
I promise! 
Starting tomorrow, I won't be late anymore.
I'm off to school.
Bom!
You should bring your bag to school!
Just bring it to me later!
Hey!
What did you just say to my child?
Didn't you hear me?
Are you deaf?
You told an eight year-old child about what?
Throwing her life away?
What? 
Giving up on life?
Stop picking on others' faults.
Spend more effort teaching your children, Mother.
As a mother, you're not asserting yourself.
That's why your child is like that too, right?
Are you done talking?
Also, you should scold the family dog.
How can a human beg a dog to eat?
A human is at the top of the food chain, you know.
No reply to that, right?
I'm so embarrassed for you.
You must be so ashamed that you might as well just die.
I say, ahjussi!
Don't toast my bread in a pan used for frying kimchi.
The flavor transfers to the bread.
You must wear the clothes and shoes I sent over.
Don't stiffen up your face. 
Put on some makeup.
They're the basic manners to show the other party.
Young Shin?
Yes, I'll do as you say.
Yes. 
Maybe it's better that I send you there myself.
It's all right. 
I can go on my own.
I'll go by myself, ahjumma.
Make yourself look really nice, then make your way there.
Don't be late. 
And please, this time, don't make me look bad.
Yes, I know.
What are you doing sitting there?
I was planning to shower too.
Then you should have told me to open the door for you.
We can shower together.
What?
Shall I go in and shower again with you?
Aren't you showering?
Whether I'm showering or washing my face, why do you have to bother?
It's none of your business.
I didn't want to bother, but you had to provoke me, and I just had to butt in.
You had to sleep in my room.
When I shower, you're outside wandering back and forth.
No, about that...
Well...
Are you crying?
Who's crying?
You're such a rascal.
I've been putting up with you for awhile, and you're becoming more and more bold.
Just say no if it's not true.
I have my own standards too.
Men like you, even if 100 of them parade before me all naked, I won't bat an eyelid.
Do you know how high my standards are for men?
Bom's mom has a good figure, even better if she dresses up.
Don't you think this will fit her well?
Mother says she has a boyfriend and will get married soon.
This will be great as a wedding present.
Don't you have anything better to do?
What?
Why do you have to bother with her?
Are you very close to her?
No, it's just that she helped me the last time.
Isn't it true?
At the height of her youth she became a mother, working hard every day and not having the chance to dress up.
Who asked you to pity her?
Why do you have to pity her?
Why do you go and pity her on your own accord?
Why are you getting so angry?
What's wrong? 
You're not yourself at all.
This stuff... you wear it yourself.
It suits you well.
This is what I get for being nice.
Your work is not going well?
I got it.
I'll do as you say.
Mmm, it smells good.
It's me.
We were supposed to go there together later, but I may be a little late.
You go and meet up with them first.
Seok Hyeon, what should I do? 
I think I'm pregnant.
Open up the door.
Hello?
I'm listening.
I'm sorry. 
Let me call you back later.
Seok Hyeon, what to do?
Ah, Do Seop, Grandpa is sleeping now,
He'll wake up in about an hour.
At that time, please come over and stay with him.
And later, Bom will be back from school,
Then let Bom look after him.
Yes, I have something to do, so I'm off.
Thanks!
Why are you following me?
Do you have a princess complex?
I'm just going where I want to go.
Do you own the road?
A match making session?
You can't live without a man?
You must be so hungry for a man!
My! 
So unfashionable, yet she's going for a match making session.
You're planning to find a match and then get married?
So unfashionable!
Seducing this man and that man, even peeping in on a man bathing.
That's all you can do, I guess.
Are you interested in me?
I asked if you're interested in me, Grandpa
If I said yes, what would you do?
If I say yes, then you won't go for the match making session?
I told you I have high standards.
I am from a rich family,
My Mom has a big *chaebol (*a large family-controlled conglomerate of businesses).
I'm telling you the truth.
My standards are real high.
A man like you just cannot match up to what I'm looking for.
Very, very, very high standards.
I'm sorry. 
You should first learn not to be arrogant, Grandpa.
Other than leave this place, I'll do whatever you ask me to.
It's for real, I promise you.
Then get married now,
Before my Seok Hyeon gets married, the earlier the better.
The man named Cho Sung Gyu, whose photo I gave you earlier,
He's got a good job, and he has no children,
If he wasn't a bad judge of people.
He wouldn't pick one like you.
He's a partner you could only dream of.
Do you understand?
I know.
I know, ahjumma.
Young Shin!
Lee Young Shin!
When she insisted on giving birth to a baby without a father when she was so young, I knew it right then!
Seok Hyeon, what should I do? 
I think I'm pregnant.
So? 
You plan to marry that girl?
Don't make a fuss here!
I'm leaving my heart with you,
Only my body will be over there.
Don't make a fuss now,
I'll make it up to you somehow.
I'll make you live in luxury.
What do you mean by that?
How much land did they say she has?
I heard it was about 1000 acres, right?
I think so. 
I'm not sure.
Oh, perverted Oppa!
Honey! 
This man is really perverted.
You can't imagine how perverted he is.
Hey!
That's what other girls said.
After he asks for a girl to his room, he doesn't even want to be touched.
He just wants her to sing.
Hey, let's go.
Lee Young Shin?
Lee Young Shin.
I'm Cho Sung Gyu. 
I heard about you from Yong Joo's grandma.
What? 
Accept this.
Thanks.
Wow! 
You're really more beautiful than the flowers.
I heard you're living with your grandpa and daughter?
Yes. 
Grandpa has dementia.
I heard.
I'm very impatient.
What?
Can we walk hand-in-hand?
Your hand is so warm.
You look like a very kind person, Young Shin.
That area over there near the bridge is where the main building will be constructed?
Yes.
What are you doing?
You jerk! 
Stop the car!
To save himself, he hid behind the woman.
Is that even a man?
You lunatic!
Stop the car!
Young Shin, are you hurt?
Are you all right?
Did you see the car plate?
No.
So cute.
Babies are so beautiful, right?
Yes.
Anyhow, I'll be dead.
In my family, we're not supposed to get pregnant before marriage.
It turned out this way. 
What can we do?
Give birth to it, and bring it up.
We can do that.
Seo Eun Hee!
Eun Hee, you go in first.
At such an important hour, your job still comes first?
It's me.
So soon?
Got it. 
If I leave now, I may just be able to catch the last ferry.
All right. 
See you later.
I'm sorry, Eun Hee.
There's an emergency, and I have to go to Pureun-do.
I'll call you.
I love you.
Tell the little one Daddy loves him.
Seo Eun Hee.
Yes.
You're not pregnant.
Yes.
But...
From the ultrasound,
Your uterus wall is much thinner than normal.
Under such conditions, the egg will find it hard to remain in the uterus.
What does that mean?
Under such conditions, the chances for a normal conception are extremely rare.
You mean...
It'll be hard for me to get pregnant?
You and I, how are we alike? 
Where?
We're not alike at all, Grandma!
Isn't that right? 
We're not alike at all.
It hurts, Grandma!
Tell me how you got it.
Why must your mole be exactly there?
Painful!
Grandma, when you hear others say I look like you, do you get very upset?
Yes. 
Why?
Me too!
Whenever I hear others say I look like you,
I get so frustrated.
Why do you have to get frustrated?
When others say you look like me, you should feel proud.
Don't look at me now,
Back in those days, I was a beauty.
My face was only as big as the palm of a hand.
Who has such a face like yours, as big as a stadium?
In my family, we definitely don't have faces like that.
You're surely not from my family.
It looks like the matter went well for your mom.
It's late, and she's not back yet.
You're going to have a father soon.
Isn't that great, Bom?
Yes.
Shall I get you some coffee?
There's only coffee at our house.
Forget it.
It seems your mom brought you up rather well.
But Bom, did your mom ever mention who your birth father might be?
What's a birth father?
Your father by birth.
She really never told you?
Grandma, do you know?
No.
Who is it?
I heard it's a man who lives on the other island.
His face is as big as the Olympic Stadium,
He looks exactly like you.
About seven years ago, when he was out at sea, there was a storm, and then he died or something.
Well, but... 
Bom,
Here... 
Bom?
How are you, Buddha?
Oh my! 
Why does this old man call me Buddha whenever he sees me?
How are you, Buddha?
Oh, Young Shin!
Unni! 
The Buddha has come to our house.
Bean Paste! 
Bean Paste!
I say, he's becoming more and more disoriented lately.
He can't even differentiate between a human and Buddha.
Forget about that. 
Did it go well today?
Are you happy with him?
Yes.
That's great! 
That's great!
In your situation, such an opportunity is not going to come again.
Child, here... here.
This is a dishwasher for cleaning your plates.
I was thinking of it as a wedding present for Seok Hyeon,
I bought it five years ago from the department store.
It's very expensive.
But my son says he already has one, so I'm giving it to you.
It's very valuable, very expensive.
Thanks.
What thanks? 
I'm taking you as my daughter.
So all the wedding preparations, the ceremony and the like,
I'll do it all for you like I'm marrying off my own daughter.
You don't have to worry about a thing.
Driver Kim, I'm heading out now.
Bring the car over here.
Goodness, you're still young, but why is your complexion so bad?
How can you get married in this state?
Tomorrow, when you're not busy, I'll send the car over.
You go and get a massage and a haircut, okay?
I'm off.
Do you know how to play cards?
Hey, lend me a billion.
Another person who wasn't willing to sell the land. 
His name is Go Pil.
He is a gambling addict and practically a failure at everything else.
I want to play too.
It is a fresh face. 
Where do you come from?
Seoul. 
I came here for vacation.
Do you know how to play cards?
Although I don't play well, I know how to.
We don't play with new people.
Since we are short of one player, let him join in.
Thank you.
I've lost all my capital. 
I have to go.
What? 
You are going?
Have fun playing.
Since there's three of us, let's start fresh.
We found out that tomorrow or the day after, there will be an auction for Go Pil's land.
Before that happens, we have to take action.
To keep him off-guard, you have to lose to him initially.
We will send someone to help you out.
Just follow his instructions.
Thank you.
I'll show my cards.
I won again.
My luck today seems really good.
Your cards seem really good.
Just show your cards.
It is mine again.
Both of you give me the feeling that I'll be winning a lot today.
I can use this as medical fees for that useless son at home.
And I can also heal my daughter's legs.
When he starts to get over-excited, that's when we start to interrupt him.
Make him start to feel worried.
Increasing my bets from 40 to 60.
Whoa, my luck seem to be changing.
Increasing my bets from 20 to 40.
When he loses everything, you should say you're quitting.
We should end now. 
Your money is almost dried up.
I'll just give the remaining amount to you then.
It is only the beginning.
Are we ending just like this?
You want to end it? 
Don't move at all.
I will go get the money from my house and use my land to bet with.
So you all don't move an inch (or cm).
Once he says the word "land", it's game over.
He just has to sign a few documents, and his land is ours.
Hurry up.
If I lose all of this money, I will use this as collateral.
Both of you watch out.
Why are you always so crazy?
Let's play the last few rounds then.
All right. 
Let's start.
Doctor! 
Doctor!
She drank insecticide!
Aye, again. 
You...
She really did drink it. 
It's true.
Oh my, Go Pil's sister?
Ahjumma, ahjumma...
Let her rest here.
-Ahjumma, what to do?
-Do you know her?
There was one time ahjussi bet a lot of money.
Because of that, she drank insecticide.
Ahjumma! 
Did ahjussi use his land as collateral again?
Doctor, you have to save my auntie. 
You have to.
So Ran, I will go catch him.
Ahjussi! 
Ahjussi!
What to do?
I'll start with 50.
I'll make that 100.
Increasing it from 100 to 200.
I withdraw.
I'm in with 200.
I don't care. 
I'm playing with you all the way.
Here, give me more money.
Please sign over here.
You should understand that once you do so, the land belongs to us.
Here?
Will that do?
What to do, ahjumma?
What to do? 
Ahjumma! 
Ahjumma!
Doctor, should we transfer her to the main hospital?
Why do you always ask me to do that?
What to do, ahjumma? 
What to do?
Doctor, what to do?
Adding another 400.
I withdraw.
If you were to actually bet that, you'd be an old man with nothing, not even bones.
Jjajjangmyun* is around 500 won.
(*black-bean sauce noodles)
Sweet and sour pork is around 1000 won.
Give me another 800 won for the pizza.
There isn't any jjajjangmyun.
This is jjajjangmyun, Mr. Lee.
That is choco-pie, you stinky sauce.
Really...
Choco-pie is choco-pie.
Didn't we agree that this is jjajjangmyun?
No, it's choco-pie.
You stupid fool.
I'm not playing with you anymore.
Excuse me, Mr. Lee.
Why do you always call the grandma who brought the dishwasher over "Buddha"?
Isn't a Buddha someone who is kind-hearted, warm, and caring?
You must be feeling thirsty. 
I'll get some water.
That is why she is Buddha.
That is why she is Buddha, you stupid fool.
You pervert killer! 
The king of destroying families!
Get out!
Is there anything, ahjussi?
Hey! 
That jerk isn't back yet?
Yes. 
Is there anything wrong?
I have to teach this jerk a good lesson today.
Young Shin, you better make a call and buy him a coffin soon.
Bom, you go on in first.
Why? 
What happened?
I'll explain to you next time.
Something might happen to Grandpa.
What actually happened?
My aunt drank insecticide, and her life is in danger right now.
It's all that pervert killer's fault.
What does that mean, ahjussi?
That jerk gambled with my uncle, and he even took away his land.
What?
That perverted fella finally showed his true colors.
That fella keeps pretending that he is a doctor, but he is actually a gambler.
He must have been living with us to swallow our properties!
That can't be.
Why don't you ask around?
A person's life is in danger because of him!
Do you feel comfortable living like that?
Why did you do that?
Why did you?
Do you know how important that land is to us?
Do you know how much we rely on that piece of land?
I thought you knew clearly.
Why did you screw up while we were winning?
!
Don't know.
What?
I don't know either. 
Why did I do that?
You felt pity for that old man?
He reminded you of your dad?
You suddenly found your conscience?
Return to Seoul tomorrow.
I don't need a person like you.
How should I live to get such a high position?
Live the way you do?
Getting your mom's consent, successful in business.
I'd like to learn too.
How to get to my goals using...
That man, Go Pil's son, is my friend's father.
If we don't make a move first, our competitor will get it, and we won't get a single cent.
Of course, I'd like to reasonably buy it from them.
Before I was an employee of the JA Group, I was a person on this island.
I will tell President why you were sent back.
Is your personal life that explicit?
What do you mean?
I was suddenly very curious.
To become a successful person, I wonder who you stepped on to become like this.
For example:
Love...
A woman...
A child...
[Warning: 
Pervert. 
Jerk. 
Gambler.
Not allowed in this area!
]
Ahjumma!
Ahjumma!
Lower your voice. 
Grandpa is asleep.
Don't wake Grandpa. 
Don't raise your voice.
Please move out quietly.
Where do you expect to move to so late in the night?
That shouldn't be something that I should worry about. 
Please leave.
I've placed the remaining money for the rent inside the envelope.
Hey! 
Ahjumma!
I already told you not to raise your voice.
Grandpa is asleep.
Is your head filled with water?
What do you mean by this?
I already said that Grandpa is asleep!
Don't you even know how to respect the elderly?
Don't you have seniors?
If Seung Joon's mom were to pass away, do you intend to be responsible for that?
What are you talking about? 
Are you crazy?
Because your previous girlfriend was someone pretty and kind, you intend to just bear with it?
Don't you feel embarrassed living like this for your girlfriend who left you first?
Oh, ahjussi.
I don't wish to say much. 
Please leave.
No! 
Ahjussi! 
Don't leave!
Bom.
Don't leave! 
Don't leave! 
Ahjussi.
Lee Bom!
No! 
Don't leave! 
Don't leave! 
Ahjussi.
Lee Bom. 
Go on in.
Hurry up go in and sleep.
No way!
Don't chase ahjussi away, Mom.
Don't chase ahjussi away, Mom.
Don't do that.
You are a bad mother!
Grandpa is asleep. 
Lower your voice.
Stop crying. 
Stop crying.
Could you help me?
If I leave before seeing her, could you help me tell her?
I was suddenly very curious.
To become a successful person, I wonder who you stepped on to become like this.
For example... 
love... a woman... a child.
Let go of me! 
You!
No matter what, you have to keep your foul mouth shut!
You were the one who spread rumors about our Seok Hyeon right?
Do you want a punch from me?
That's right! 
I can still bear with your punches.
I want to see how you are going to beat me up.
What did you say?
You think once it is dark, no one else can see, and you can do whatever you want to?
Mom! 
What are you doing?
My mom accidentally ate two packets of cough medicine.
So she is the wrong state of her mind right now.
Ahjumma, just bear with it.
It's not the medicine.
This Grandma is always with that retarded Grandpa.
Seems like she has amnesia too.
If you continue living like this, you'll be struck by lighting.
No matter how much you hate Young Shin and Bom, how could you introduce someone like him to Young Shin?
He is such a useless dog!
He is so good-looking and capable.
Clearly, women will start following him.
Won't such men work hard for their wife once they are married?
What do you know? 
Stop making a fuss!
Who can change the habit of cheating after marriage? 
Can they change that?
Your old man's habit of cheating...
Did he change that after marriage?
Didn't that dog's wife pass away already?
I heard she was beaten to death by him.
The doctor said his wife, who was three months pregnant, was beaten to death.
You saw it? 
Did you see it?
How do you know? 
How do you know about it?
Do you dare say that it is all the truth?
If you were to lie about any of it,
I could sue you for slander and have you locked up.
Ah, I'm going crazy.
That person died of cancer.
Which jerk told you such things?
You beat up women. 
Isn't that the truth?
Your wife, who was three months pregnant, was beaten up by you, right?
That, I didn't know she was pregnant.
Open the door first.
I'll explain to you face-to-face.
What else do you have to explain?
I don't wish to see your face.
Stay away from Young Shin from now on, okay?
I'll go over and explain to Young Shin right...
Ahjumma! 
Ahjumma!
No matter what, I will not give up on Young Shin.
What was actually going on?
Isn't the reflection in the river an ugly duckling?
But it eventually became a beautiful swan.
I actually wasn't an ugly duckling, but a beautiful swan.
Now, whether it is flying or swimming, I can be with my friends.
With the arrival of Spring, the tiring journey as an ugly duckling has come to an end.
Young Shin! 
Young Shin!
I've learned my mistake.
Such things will never happen again.
After meeting Young Shin, Bom, and Grandpa.
I have really woken up.
I've decided to start anew as a person. 
Really.
I am even willing to chop off both my hands.
Please trust me.
Just believe me this once. 
I will do well.
Please believe me this once.
Please get up first.
Young Shin, I will perform well. 
Really.
Get up. 
I don't have the right to accept such promise.
Young Shin, I am serious. 
Please trust me.
I have something that I hid from you.
I didn't have the courage to tell you just now.
I also had something that I hid from you.
Our Bom is sick.
My kid is sick.
What kind of sickness does she have?
What kind of sickness?
If you knew, what would you do?
What would you do if you knew what kind of illness she has?
Get out of here immediately.
Hey...
Get out of here, you jerk!
Don't find your death here.
What is wrong with you?
Who are you to say such things?
Hey, what are you?
What kind of jerk are you?
Who are you to poke into others' business?
Young Shin, who is this person?
How is this jerk related to you?
I don't know.
I don't have any relation with him.
Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Main Translators: ai*, iluxxx
Spot Translator: purpletiger86
Timer: jann
Editor/QC: 
Athaclena42
Coordinators: mily2, ay_link

Just go on.
Please go back to Seoul.
I really hate to see someone who has no relation with us... get worried and burden themselves over us.
We don't do much, but yet we keep receiving from others.
I hate it even more.
So kind-hearted and honest.
How do you intend to live on in this world?
Ahjusshi, you're pitiful too.
Let's go.
By the way, Uncle Seok Hyeon, the hamburgers...
I haven't finished them yet. 
There are still some left.
Could you bring those here too?
Episode 12
And you even said you can drink well.
What?
Ladies first.
In front of me... 
Walk in front of me.
What?
Why did I return to Blue Island?
A village where there's not even a single convenience store.
Why did I return?
Perhaps I came back for choco pies.
When I was in Seoul, I felt like I was about to die.
It was weird. 
I just couldn't breathe.
I felt breathless.
Why did you feel like you were about to die?
Why did you feel breathless?
Do you know how polluted the air is in Seoul?
Car engine pipes, noise pollution...
- There's even haze...
- Seoul's air... is polluted, so that's why you returned to Blue Island?
Our Young Woo said that the air in Kang Won Do is the best.
Mountains are high and deep.
The air is polluted, so is the water.
Once the water gets polluted, bread and rice doesn't taste good.
Even alcohol doesn't taste good.
It's just a matter of time until you'll die from pollution or starvation.
The bread sold in our village was manufactured in Seoul.
This Ahjumma, really...
So you mean, you are not worried about Bom.
But because of the polluted air in Seoul, and you felt like dying, so you returned?
Yes.
Are you hurt? 
Hold onto me.
Don't worry. 
I'm alright.
I didn't get to eat ddok (rice cake) on my first birthday.
When I was young, our house was too poor.
They said if you don't get to eat ddok on your first birthday, you'll tend to fall more easily.
That's why I often fall. 
It's alright.
Ahjusshi, aren't you afraid of me?
Aren't you afraid of Bom?
Doesn't everyone else treat us as an infected cockroach?
We can't work, we can't even attend school.
It's even difficult to talk face-to-face.
Even living in such a village, that's the case.
But Ahjusshi, you know Bom has Aids.
Yet you continue staying at our place, holding Bom's hand, and talking to Bom...
This Ahjumma, why do you look down on people?
It's because those chicken-heads are ignorant, so they behave that way.
Who are you comparing me with?
I'm a doctor, Ahjumma.
Why are you raising your voice?
You're going to wake up everyone in this village.
That's good.
They ought to wake up and listen to this.
They are ignorant and silly chicken-heads.
Why don't you broadcast it then? 
Broadcast!
Go to village chief's house, use a microphone and broadcast it everywhere!
Why not do that instead?
Oh, I see. 
Where is the village chief's house?
Village chief!
- Village chief! 
Get out!
- Hey.
- Village chief! 
Get out!
- Ahjusshi!
Village chief!
- Don't! 
Lower your volume!
- Village chief! 
Get out!
I'm not crazy.
- What is wrong with you?
- Village chief!
Keep quiet will you!
If you continue to behave like this, we'll not be able to stay for another second.
I don't wish to be kicked out.
I'd rather walk out on my own.
So during this period, please let us live on peacefully.
What are you doing? 
Aren't you getting up?
Are you going to sleep here?
What is it?
Am I someone who is infected with some virus?
What?
You always get so worked-up when you touch me.
Let me make it clear. 
I am not infected with any virus.
Shall I show you my medical report?
No, I...
Ahjusshi, you're actually afraid of me, right?
No matter what, I'm a mother of someone who has Aids.
You should feel uncomfortable too, right?
- That's why...
- That's why...
I didn't kiss you just now.
Chicken-head. 
I shouldn't speak badly about others.
The queen of chicken-heads and pig-heads is here.
Aids is...your ignorance, Ahjumma...
It will not be transmitted by kissing.
As long as there isn't any wound on the mouth, deep kiss would not be a problem.
As a mother of an Aids victim, don't you know such basics?
What do you want?
I want to get up. 
Am I going to sleep here then?
Can I kiss you?
Did you commit a crime?
It is just different.
Contracting Aids is nothing to be blamed for.
You needn't feel guilty.
She is just different from the rest.
There are people with huge nose, small eyes and extremely short legs.
There are also people with thumbs longer than their index fingers.
They are just different from the rest.
So having a guilty face like that...
Don't live as though you owe an apology to the whole country.
Lift up your head.
Open your eyes.
Stand straight.
Am I very pitiful?
What?
Nothing...
What do you mean by that?
I am not a woman.
I'm not a woman. 
I'm just Bom's Mom.
I'm not human. 
I'm just a lifeless object.
Well, like trees, rocks, tables... 
Similar to that.
Can you say some things that humans understand?
That's all I have to say.
I'm not human, and am not a woman.
So don't pity me, don't feel sorry for me.
Don't feel hurt because of me.
Don't fall in love with me.
In the future, don't ever kiss me either.
I am a stone.
A stone doesn't have any feelings. 
It's true.
Young Shik Grandma!
Go on back first.
Thank you.
For what?
Grandma!
Grandma, what are you doing in the middle of the night? 
Your back isn't well too.
Can I help you out?
Thank you.
Ah, it's so heavy.
Is that something you have to thank me for?
Why do you always say "thank you"?
What is there to be thankful for?
Stupid fool.
Bom left her bag and Bom Dong-ee with me.
I am here to return them to her.
I didn't ask.
You once asked me...
What is Bom to me?
That was your question, right?
Bom... is my daughter.
I am Bom's Dad.
This shows that blood is thicker than water.
That's great.
At least you know how to repent.
Lee Bom.
You've struck lottery.
Your Dad has returned.
No, no... 
I just wanted to send back Bom Dong-ee and bag.
She keeps calling to ask me to send it back.
Please take care of Bom and Young Shin.
Bastard.
Deong Dari, your son (referring to Seok Hyeon as a dog) has come. 
Greet him.
Bastard.
Even a dog wouldn't abandon his child.
You aren't even fit to be a dog.
You are a bastard who is not fit to be a dog.
Do you think I'm treating you unfairly?
If you think so than kill me.
"A bastard who just came out of nowhere."
"Who is not blood-related to Bom."
"How dare you try to threaten me?"
Stomp on me until I can't speak a word.
If you think I'm treating you unfairly.
You didn't abandon your child, right?
It's a fact, right?
If I find out that you abandoned your child...
You'll no longer be a dog. 
You're going to be a tadpole.
Don't waste food, kid. 
Eat it all up.
This is the hamburger, Mr. Lee.
Ah, this is hamburger.
It is 1000 times better than choco pie.
It is 1000 times better than choco pie, Bean paste.
Uncle Seok Hyeon brought these here, right? 
With Bom Dong-ee.
Seok Hyeon is our Seok Hyeon.
Seok Hyeon is Young Shin's friend.
Yes, Mr. Lee's Seok Hyeon.
He sent hamburger and Bom Dong-ee.
Mom, have some too.
No, it's alright. 
I don't really like to eat hamburger.
Eat some. 
There's so much.
Mr. Lee, when you eat this, you have to open your mouth very wide.
Like this.
You might choke.
Drink some water before eating.
There's enough for Ahjusshi and Deong Dari.
It's a hamburger. 
Have some.
That... 
Guardian Angel Number 1.
Can't I go to school now?
Uncle Seok Hyeon sent back my bag already.
There are so many hamburgers.
I want to share them with Yong Joo Oppa, Boram, Ji Sun and Tae Chang.
It seems like you're still unable to.
I heard that there's a devil who wants to harm angels nearby your school.
Can't Guardian Angel Number 1 go and defeat it?
That... 
Because I'm outnumbered.
Are you afraid?
How can an Guardian Angel be like that?
Guardian Angel Number 2 gave me a magical coat. 
And even hamburgers.
I'm so disappointed!
Young Shin! 
This woman!
Young Shin, get out! 
Get out! 
You shameless woman!
What is it?
I don't know what you all want. 
But please calm down.
How can we calm down?
!
Young Shin! 
Get out! 
You shameless woman!
Didn't you say you wanted to leave? 
Why haven't you?
We trusted that you have conscience, and waited for so long.
Do you intend to just blindly continue staying here?
Because of you, the customers from the motels have left.
All the eggs that were sent were rejected.
Hey! 
Ahjumma!
There's a child here. 
Please calm down.
Why does this Seoul fellow keep intruding?
Hey! 
Are you Young Shin's husband?
Are you Bom's Dad?
You old woman! 
Aren't you too much? 
How dare you be rude?
Ki Yong!
- Husband!
- What's with you?
Husband!
I'm sorry, Young Shin.
I'm sorry, Bom.
This Grandma is mentally ill just like your Grandpa.
Let's go. 
It isn't this house.
We should be going to Byung Tae's house that's on the other side of the village.
Why are you throwing your temper here?
Let's go buy ice-cream together.
Mom... 
Mom...
Bom, hang on.
Hang on, Doctor.
I'll let Boram come over at night. 
Could you teach her math?
- She scored only 10 marks!
- Husband!
You can teach her, right?
Thank you. 
Thank you, Bom.
Give me the disinfectant.
Who are you?
! 
What are you doing?
!
He has stopped bleeding already! 
The bleeding has stopped!
Are those people going to kick my mom out?
No, didn't Boram's Dad already explain this?
Those people made a mistake and came to the wrong place.
Didn't he say that grandma was out of her mind?
Don't lie, I know everything.
Know what?
It's because I have aids.
They came to our house to kick us out.
It's not like that.
Can't I tell that grandma about my magic coat?
We'll see.
Can I not be an angel?
I don't want to be an angel anymore.
I don't want to have Aids.
Ahjusshi, can you ask God for a favor?
Not everyone can become an angel.
You can't not become one just because you don't want to.
Then what should I do?
Even if you're tired waiting for your prince, you still have to keep on waiting.
Just like the ugly duckling and Cinderella.
And also...
Shrek, like Shrek.
That's right, like Shrek.
But what is my mom going to do?
What is my mom going to do if that grandma scolds her?
It's okay. 
No one's gonna talk to you.
That's not how this place works.
We're investigating a murder. 
How would you like to see how jail works?
Comes in once a week, meets a friend.
This friend got a name?
It's a younger guy.
I think his name is Rob.
He's a lawyer. 
Italian, the last name.
- Demato?
- That's it.
Are you sure he's never met anyone else here? 
A woman?
Ohh. 
Like I said, that's not how this place works.
Let's go.
Thank you so much for taking me to that concert.
That's the fourth time you thanked me.
Yeah, I know JoJo probably isn't really high on your download list.
It was fun.
- I should get going.
- Can't believe Thursday's your last day.
- I'm sure you're happy to get rid of me.
- Yeah.
Just come hungry.
I'm making you a goodbye dinner.
- You don't have to do that.
- I want to.
Okay. 
It's a date.
You were never Karen Bennet's attorney, were you?
- I told you what I knew.
- You left out one small detail.
That Andrew Bennet's gay and you were having an affair with him.
My personal life is none of your business.
Bennet built his career crusading against gay rights.
Politics weren't a big topic of discussion between me and Andrew.
But neither one of us flaunted our sexuality.
Andrew referred a lot of clients my way.
The kind who would not hire a gay attorney.
How will those clients react when they find out your favorite bar is called The Nuts and Bolts?
Threaten me all you want, but there's no way that Andrew could have done this.
We found Karen's blood in his car.
A woman is dead.
Why are you covering for her killer?
A month ago, Andrew called me and said that he couldn't meet me.
He said that Karen had found out about our affair.
A few days later, she showed up at my office screaming.
Saying she was gonna tell everybody about Andrew and me.
The press would've crucified him.
What did you do?
I called Andrew.
- Gay?
- Gay.
- I could kiss you hard on the mouth now.
- Rain check.
Karen threatened to tell everyone her husband's sleeping with a man.
Which would not have gone over well with his gay-bashing supporters.
How do you spell motive?
Bennet couldn't let this get out on the eve of his confirmation.
So he kills his wife to keep her quiet.
So much for family values.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Got a call from Asst. Atty. 
Gen. Rogers vouching for Bennet's character.
So?
So Bennet is a card-carrying member of the old boys club.
- You have no idea.
- Meaning?
Meaning Bennet didn't exactly practice what he preached.
- He's gay, Jess.
- No way.
- Way.
- Gay?
My client's sexual preference has nothing to do with this case.
- These things have a way of getting out.
- So do defamation suits.
We're not here to make threats, we're here to deal, 15 years for murder one.
Judge Bennet is one of the most respected public servants in this city.
With his dead wife's blood on his hands and a lover named Rob waiting to testify.
How's that gonna play at your confirmation hearing?
Blood evidence is ambiguous.
And if you had a decent case, you wouldn't be sitting here right now.
If your client wasn't prepared to plead to a lesser crime why did you call this meeting?
To give you this.
A motion to dismiss?
Hate to break it to you, I've never laid down a winning hand. 
Why start now?
A Caltrans road crew found the knife that killed Karen Bennet on the side of the 10 Freeway.
L.A.P.D. matched the prints to those of Frankie Pena the felon who repeatedly threatened to kill the Bennets.
I enjoyed watching both of you attempt to coerce a plea from an innocent defendant.
And I'm sure the State Bar will find it equally fascinating.
- See you in court, counselor.
- Good day.
- So that's bad.
- Yeah.
We're requesting that all charges be dropped immediately.
Your Honor, this motion is premature.
A murder weapon has been found with prints matching an ex-convict who made threats against my client and his wife.
People request a week to analyze this new evidence, Your Honor.
48 hours to demonstrate why charges shouldn't be dropped.
We're done.
I know this great little seafood joint down on the marina. 
Casual, romantic.
Sounds good.
Don't forget your credit card.
Andrew Bennet is innocent of this crime.
Now, we're here today to appeal to the public to help us find the man responsible.
Frankie Pena, violent criminal who made repeated threats against the Bennets.
He's discussing evidence in an ongoing trial.
Not on the team.
He can say what he wants.
I say we fight back. 
Play the gay card.
Outing the judge is gonna score points with the jury?
Establishes motive for Bennet to kill his wife.
With our largely conservative jury, the homophobia works for us.
- Charming, Madeleine.
- Now, this entire case is an attack on the personal life of Andrew Bennet.
Mr. Bennet did not murder his wife.
His only transgression was having an extramarital affair with another man.
I can't believe Bennet just outed himself.
Desperate move for an innocent man.
Maybe not. 
The murder weapon was found with Karen Bennet's blood and Pena's prints all over it.
And Pena's on record threatening her.
Pena was a free man. 
Why would he risk going back to prison to kill Karen?
I'll tell you why.
Two weeks ago, one Danny Vargas, Pena's cousin, was paroled early.
Anyone care to guess why?
Because before his hearing, the parole board received a letter of recommendation from Judge Andrew Bennet.
The cousin is the connection between Bennet and Pena.
You got it.
Judge Bennet hired Pena to kill his wife.
I checked into Bennet's accounts.
No major withdrawals were made.
Because Bennet didn't pay Pena off with money.
He paid him off with Danny Vargas' freedom.
I want Vargas in here, and I want him in here now.
You lied to us. 
I don't like being lied to.
Pena dropped you off at your NA meeting the night of the murder.
But he didn't stick around like you said, did he?
- No.
- Where'd he go?
- I don't know.
- You're a damn liar.
- I never heard from him.
- Why did you lie about the NA meeting?
Looking out for Frankie the way he looks out for me.
Like getting you paroled early?
You didn't think we knew about that, did you?
Frankie killed Bennet's wife to get you out early.
So, what was your part?
I had nothing to do with it.
- Then tell us where Frankie is.
- I don't know.
- Charge him as an accessory to murder.
- No, no, wait.
Before he left he said he was gonna shake down some rich white dude.
Like blackmail.
A guy like Pena disappears, a record, no money.
Yeah, chances are he's not poolside in Cabo.
Yeah, we need to re-check the evidence from Bennet's car.
Something tells me that's not Karen Bennet's blood after all.
Let me guess.
Casting call for Beauty and the Geek?
- He wishes.
- So badly.
We just finished analyzing the oil residue found in Bennet's car. 
It's fascinating.
- You find oil residue fascinating?
- It's crude oil.
The kind that you pump from an oil well.
The only active oil field in greater L. A...
Stocker Hill.
Well, gold stars all around.
Get an SID team here right away.
Got a feeling we're about to strike it rich.
Hey, come on in.
- You look great.
- Thanks.
Um, dinner's not quite ready yet.
Can I get you something to drink?
Oh, no, I'm good.
This looks amazing.
A little too much Martha Stewart Living.
The thing is I got a new job today working for a diplomat.
- Oh. 
That was fast.
- Yeah, I know.
The problem is they need me to start really soon, like tonight.
Oh.
I'm really sorry.
No, it's okay, I get it.
It's work.
Look, let me make it up to you.
- Really, it's okay.
- No, it's not.
Friends are having a party.
I was gonna stop by early before work.
Lots of fun people.
Wanna meet me there?
Okay.
Strange place to meet someone.
Not if you don't wanna be found.
It's cold out here.
OFFICER 1:
We got a body.
OFFICER 2:
Pull it in.
Looks like we found Frankie Pena.
I'm afraid I can't talk without counsel present.
Oh, right. 
I forgot.
You always play by the rules.
And you always break them.
Only when they get in the way.
We found Pena.
Shot in the chest up on Stocker Hill.
Can't say I'm sorry to hear it.
We're running ballistics, but you and I know the bullet came from your gun.
Still time to settle, avoid the death penalty.
Well, that's the difference between us.
I believe in the system.
Why not confess? 
Throw yourself on the mercy of the court?
Well, you know I've never been a big proponent of mercy.
Besides, I'm very confident that in the end, the truth will come out.
And the truth will set you free, right?
Don't bet on it.
Karen Bennet was a devoted wife.
She loved her husband and she trusted him.
Now, when Karen found out that her husband was having an affair she realized that he was a liar.
When she found out that that affair was with another man she understood that her husband, an avid proponent of family values and the sanctity of marriage, was also a hypocrite.
It was then that she decided to leave him.
But Andrew Bennet knew that if his lifestyle and more importantly, his blatant hypocrisy were ever to become public, he could kiss his judicial career goodbye.
And that's when he decided to hire Frankie Pena to murder his wife.
But Andrew Bennet's a smart guy.
He knew that Frankie Pena was the only link between him and the murder of his wife.
And so, what did he do?
He killed Pena too.
For his entire career, Judge Andrew Bennet pretended to represent justice.
Teach him the meaning of that word.
Every piece of evidence in the murder of Karen Bennet directly links Frankie Pena to the crime, not my client.
Mr. Pena was a violent criminal.
And his death was the direct result of the dangerous life that he chose to lead.
And as far as the murder of Karen Bennet my client had absolutely nothing to do with it.
Judge Andrew Bennet is a fine public servant.
And he is a grieving husband.
And he is a victim.
Detective, did you supervise ballistics on the bullet that killed Frankie Pena?
Yes, one.38 caliber slug to the chest.
Were you able to trace that bullet to a weapon?
Yes, it belonged to a handgun registered to Judge Andrew Bennet.
Thank you.
No questions, Your Honor.
Your Honor, I'd like to call Andrew Bennet to the stand.
Okay. 
What's his strategy?
- She's desperate.
- Maybe not.
- Bennet knows his way around a jury.
- Sebastian will rip his head off.
Quiet down, please.
Had Frankie Pena threatened you in the past?
He wrote letters to me while he was in prison.
When he was paroled, he called my home and office.
I tried reasoning with him.
He wouldn't listen.
He threatened to kill me and my wife.
Tell us what happened the night that your wife was murdered.
I tried calling Karen for hours.
It wasn't like her to not answer.
I knew right away something was wrong.
What did you do?
- I went to see Frankie Pena.
- You went to his home?
I'd been threatened many times.
But Pena was the only one who had ever threatened Karen.
- What happened next?
- I waited outside Pena's house.
And when he arrived, I confronted him.
- You brought a gun?
- Yes.
Did you intend to kill Frankie Pena?
No.
I only wanted to get him to tell me where Karen was.
I prayed that she was still alive.
And what happened next?
Pena told me that he had followed Karen to the airport.
He waited by her car.
He stabbed her.
And then he told me he watched her die.
I know how difficult this is.
Please, tell us what happened next.
I told Pena that I was calling the police.
That I was going to make sure that he spent the rest of his life in jail.
But you never made that call, did you?
No, I never got the chance.
Pena attacked me.
I was afraid he was going to kill me like he had killed Karen.
And that's when I shot him.
I know I should've gone to the police.
But this man, he had already taken so much from me.
He destroyed my life.
No comment, I have no comment.
Thank you. 
Please.
Bennet knows he is sunk on the Pena murder so he cops to it.
He spins it to make him look like a hero.
- What about cross?
- Did you see that jury?
They're gonna acquit Bennet, give him a slap on the wrist for killing Pena.
Hate to tell you, but if we can't prove Bennet hired Pena to kill his wife this guy is literally gonna get away with murder.
Andrew Bennet is extremely anxious to put this painful ordeal behind him.
He has dedicated his life to serving justice.
- He'd like nothing more than to continue.
- The stones on this guy.
If Bennet walks, Harris is gonna make it look like he can walk on water.
You think Harris knew that Bennet's gay?
A guy as good as Harris, nothing gets by him.
That is for the court to decide.
I mean, to be honest with you...
- Where did they find the knife?
- Side of the 10 Freeway by Crenshaw.
For a criminal, Pena picked a lame place to dump a weapon.
- Because Pena didn't dump the weapon.
- You think it was Bennet?
The knife was found after Bennet was arrested.
If it had been there before, Caltrans would've found it, right?
- It was Harris.
- You need something fixed, call a fixer.
- Just to please me...
- Okay, we're due in an hour.
I need you guys to stall Judge Cavanaugh.
- Your dad is a client of Harris'?
- Yeah.
We're gonna put your pretty face to work.
So your dad's really looking for a legislative aide?
Yeah, but it is tough to find good people.
I would kill to work in Sacramento.
Well, I know he'll really appreciate you helping me out.
I'm not supposed to let anyone in Mr. Harris' office.
It'll just take a minute.
My dad said it's really important.
Well, it is for a client.
Just hurry. 
Mr. Harris is gonna be back from court pretty soon.
Why don't you go grab your résumé?
Yes.
Sebastian, hey. 
Harris has been on the Caltrans website.
He's got maps of the 10 at Crenshaw in his recent searches.
Here you go.
I can interview anytime.
You're gonna love Sacramento.
MAN 1:
Hey.
MAN 2:
It's food.
Hi.
Julie, hey.
Guys, guys, this is Julie.
- Hey.
- Hi.
WOMAN 3:
Hi.
Listen, I gotta run in the house for a second. 
Are you gonna be okay?
Yeah, no problem. 
Hurry back.
I'm charging you with conspiracy to commit murder.
Based on a couple Google maps?
Good luck.
Maps from your computer, Sam.
Work schedules of the road crew that found the murder weapon.
Pena didn't ditch that knife on the side of the freeway. 
You did.
- The judge'll never let this stuff in.
- Maybe, but I've got an insurance policy.
When L.A.P.D. and Narcotics searched Bennet's car they found blood and oil residue.
They also found hair follicles. 
Yours.
Intriguing, except I've been in Bennet's car dozens of times...
Right, but all the jury's gonna hear is Mr. Harris' DNA was found at the crime scene.
Fifty people saw me at a party during Karen Bennet's murder.
But not during Pena's.
When I present evidence that you were with Bennet the night Pena died, his self-defense theory's shot.
Which makes it your word against Judge Andrew Bennet's.
You saw him play the jury. 
Who do you think they're gonna believe killed Pena?
- Come on.
- Yeah.
Even you wouldn't do something this unethical.
Wouldn't even crack my top 10.
Bennet thought that if his homosexuality became public he'd be ruined.
That's when he called me in.
- I didn't think his wife knew.
- She did find out.
Yeah, that's when he hired Pena to kill her.
Objection. 
Assumes facts not in evidence.
- Overruled.
- Would you describe for the jury this murder-for-hire plot?
About a month ago, Bennet introduced me to a man named John Chavez.
Bennet told me he was a reformed drug dealer that he put away.
Someone we would parade during the confirmation process.
- To soften his image for the liberals?
- Exactly.
Day after Karen was murdered, Bennet came to me.
Told me that he killed Frankie Pena in self-defense.
And that he needed my help.
So you helped him out. 
Why?
I just didn't think he deserved to go to jail.
If somebody murdered my wife, I would do the same thing.
So you dumped the knife that Pena used to kill Karen?
Bennet knew the Caltrans schedules from community service sentences.
Told me to dump the knife where it was sure to be found.
Why didn't you say anything before?
Because I thought I was helping an innocent man.
Then I saw photos of Pena in the newspaper.
It was the same man that Bennet had introduced to me as John Chavez.
That's when I knew that Bennet had hired Frankie Pena to kill his wife.
No more questions.
- I want that brief on my desk at 9...
- Thinking Northern Italian in Beverly Hills.
- Calamari, a little osso buco.
- Screw you.
In that case, we'd need bottles of Chianti as well.
- And a little blue pill?
- Not for you.
You're a natural aphrodisiac.
Impressive. 
Getting Harris to turn on his own client, how'd you do it?
I threatened to use his DNA to frame him for Pena's murder.
And he actually thought you'd do it?
Oh, right.
Have you guys seen Neal Donovan?
- No.
- No.
There you are.
- Hey, Julie.
- Hi.
Hey, um, this is Sarah.
Oh.
- Guys, let's go!
- You having fun?
Yeah.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna...
Okay.
Does the Supreme Court have a policy on convicted murderers?
What were you thinking?
Barhopping with your boyfriend weeks before your confirmation hearing?
- You think nobody would find out?
- You think this has been easy?
I have been trapped for years, unable to live my life and to be who I am.
Have you ever been to West Hollywood?
Great food, rent control.
You made the choice to pretend to be somebody you're not.
That's what this is all about, isn't it?
It's because I'm gay, and that disgusts you.
I don't care if you do it with farm animals.
You killed your wife, Bennet, to protect your image.
That disgusts me.
Julie?
Hey, it's Julie.
Leave me a message and I'll call you back.
Hey, Jules, I just got home.
Wondered if you'd had dinner.
You'll probably be back home soon, so I'll just wait a bit. 
Love you.

It's okay. 
It's okay, baby.
Johnny will be home soon.
Okay, I'll promise.
Ho, I'm home!
Okay, here we go.
Look at this.
Look at this, huh ?
All right, look.
We got wipes.
We got powder, huh ?
Look at this.
Where's the diapers ?
No, I got... 
I got diaper rash cream.
She doesn't have diaper rash.
Listen, I touched her butt earlier, okay ?
She's gonna.
Johnny, Hope needs diapers.
She's only got two left!
Allright...
Listen, listen...
We can use these.
It's super absorbent !
No ?
Oh, the look.
The look !
okay, let me get diapers.
Let me get the phone.
Hello ?
Hi. 
It's coach Morrison.
Is, uh, is Sarah Bannerman home ?
She's kinda got her hands full right now.
Can I help you ?
I'm just checking on J.J., wondering if that ankle's healing up.
His ankle ?
I don't mind if he misses practice,
But... 
It's been a week, and we're into finals on saturday.
Wait a second, coach.
What you're saying is he's missed a week of practices 'cause of an injury ?
Yeah.
I figured you knew.
No, I...
I know.
I knew, I just, uh...
Johnny, who is it ?
Uh, no one.
No one, i just...
Can I call you back, coach ?
No problem.
What's he doing at the old airfield?
Johnny, is everything okay ?
Yeah, yeah.
Just the, uh...
The cable company.
They just wanted to sign us up for something.
I'll go get the diapers, okay ?
My son is joing the circus ?
"Through the looking glass."
Yeah, no kidding.
Credits.
Johnny !
I...
I didn't know you were into the circus.
Nice try, kid.
Come on, we're going home.
I can't.
Oh, yes, you can.
Let's go.
No, I... 
But...
What, the acrobat girl ?
Monique.
Oh, Monique !
Is she the reason you've been ditching soccer practice every day this week ?
Well, have you talked to her yet ?
Yeah, I've said...
"Hi" a couple of times, but...
What, you haven't made an impression yet ?
The performers came to our school monday.
They did analice in wonderland assembly thing in gym to let us know that the circus starts next week.
Let me guess
She was Alice ?
Yeah.
J.J. ?
Hey, J.J. ?
Your mom and I thought you were at soccer practice all week.
You lied to us.
Not to mention coach morrison.
Did you tell him that you hurt your ankle ?
No, I did hurt my ankle.
But I... guess it got better.
Good.
Cause we got a long walk home now, kid.
- Come on !
- Johnny, please.
Come on !
I know what I did was wrong.
I do.
But...
I have to talk to her.
Well, she's practicing now.
No. 
She only practices till 4:00.
Then she goes back to her trailer until around 4:30.
Then she has a snack.
She likes apples.
And then, she eats dinner around...
Hold on.
First things first, okay ?
Now, look, there's a fine line between admirer and stalker.
Okay ?
Now... you want to start a conversation with a young lady, first thing you do is you pay her a compliment.
Okay, cool.
Like what ?
Well, you just tell her,
I don't know.
Tell her you've been watching her practice and
You think she's ridiculously talented.
Okay, so I can stay.
Hold on a second.
Hey !
You got a half hour, kid.
Okay ?
Okay.
All right ? 
Under one condition.
- You stay out of this tent.
- Okay!
- Okay ?
- Yeah.
Oh my God !
- One second, Man.
- Okay.
You're late, Johnny.
You're late!
Lorenzo ?
- Yeah! 
Is that you?
- Yeah.
Must be the white head.
Makes me look fat, huh?
Join you later.
Must be like, what, 20 years, buddy ?
20 years, too long man !
What's going on ?
You working here ?
I own it.
- You own all this ?
- Yeah.
You don't recognize it, do you ?
Should I ?
I hope not.
I spent enough converting it.
Remember the old carnival?
Oh, you're kidding me.
Yeah. 
I bought the whole operation 10 years ago.
Well, you know, just after the...
- My accident ?
- Yeah.
I heard about the coma, and, you know, all that stuff ever since.
can I ask you a serious question ?
Yeah.
I'm thinking of a number between one and ten.
So you're still a complete idiot!
Some things never change, right ?
But I gotta tell you, this looks nothing like the old carnival, man.
Well, I added the big top, and and I took every last bit of the old carnival and transformed it into what you see now.
The air base was available, so I decided to give it a run here back home in cleaves mills.
Nice.
Alice in wonderland, huh ?
Yeah.
It's always been an obsession of mine.
You don't still have the old wheel of fortune, do you ?
Oh, most definitely.
You're just not allowed to play.
Hey there, Johnny.
Hey.
That girl, she looks just like that girl in high school, the one you had the insane crush on.
What was her name ? 
Denise, uh...
Ludovic.
It's her ! 
The only difference is she doesn't hate me anymore because i'm paying her really, really well.
You enjoying yourself, smith ?
What's going on ?
Hey, sheriff.
Looks like you two know each other.
Yeah, since high school.
What are you guys doing here ?
There was a break-in last night.
- Yeah ?
- Yeah, freaky break-in.
How freaky ?
When I promise freaky, I deliver.
I saw this in my vision less than a half hour ago.
You mean, you had a vision of something that already happened ?
Yes.
Oh, I get those too.
They're called memories.
In the vision, somebody was dead.
It was a blonde woman.
You got a name ?
No.
Thanks for the hot tip.
Look, I'll be honest with you, Mr. Detulio.
This doesn't look like a prank to me.
This look serious.
I'll need a list of everyone who has access to this trailer.
No problem.
In the meantime, tell your crew to keep their eyes open.
I'll station a cruiser to patrol the lot.
Thank you.
I think she likes you.
It's only a trial run.
Shall we give it another whirl, yes?
The white rabbit.
Another spin, yes ?
I'm not feeling very lucky.
- It's just for fun.
- Oh, uh, hi.
Hi.
I saw you practicing. 
You're, uh...
Ridiculously talented.
You saw me practice?
Yeah. 
You were,
Uh, really...
Ridiculously talented.
I don't think anyone's supposed to be in there before the show.
Are your parents in the show too ?
They used to be.
They died when i was only one.
I'm sorry.
I don't have any other family, so everyone here kind of adopted me.
That must be kinda cool.
You know, no one there to...
Tell you what to do or make up stupid rules.
Are you kidding ?
Instead of 2 parents I've got, like, 20.
And I thought my family was weird.
A real customer.
Care to try your luck, sir ?
Yes ?
Sure.
Alice.
You did it.
Now our guests are going to try for a bigger prize...
If they can get two in a row.
Alice again.
Shall we give it another whirl ?
Let's go with...
The owl.
Mister, in nine years, I've never seen a run like that.
Never.
The wheel's closed.
Right.
The next one, and the panda is yours, yes ?
Uh, I'll go with...
Queen of hearts.
I've gotta go.
Next time...
You should come to the dress rehearsal tonight after dinner.
There'll be music, and...
It'll be really cool.
All right, sure.
Yeah.
She's pretty, huh ?
She's amazing.
Let's take a walk.
Come on, Romeo.
Let me ask you a question.
Back there at the wheel, the queen...
You weren't just guessing it wrong on purpose, were you ?
No.
You know, uh,
Monique invited me to the dress rehearsals.
I heard.
So, can I stay ?
Please ?
You know you gotta call your mom, right ?
Hey, johnny.
I need a guinea pig.
Care for something sweet ?
We're brave, sure.
Two of those.
thank you.
Denise, you don't know where Lorenzo is, do you ?
His trailer is back there.
Okay. 
You take this one, okay ?
I'll be right back, son, all right ?
Don't move.
Lorenzo!
Hey, johnny.
Johnny, what...
Get the sheriff back here.
Cherry syrup.
The snow cone stand.
That's where I sensed it.
Maybe you should talk to Denise.
Who the hell is Denise ?
The cheshire cat.
Oh, of course she is.
Well...
Whoever is doing this clearly hates mirrors.
Lorenzo, in the vision that I had, I saw broken mirrors,
I saw a dead woman,
I saw some guy with a tattoo on his arm, does any of this make any sense to you ?
No.
This was clearly rigged to fall.
But it was never meant to hurt him.
Looks like someone was trying to throw a big scare your way.
Anyone come to mind ?
Look, it could be anyone.
i fire people.
I don't hire other people.
Maybe someone's holding a grudge.
Pretty strange grudge.
Yeah, well...
I work with strange people.
Look Johnny,
I'm thrilled sheriff's Cleaves Mills is on the case but,
I don't know this woman from Adam, so, uh...
I'd really feel better if you stuck around.
At least, through dress rehearsal.
Well, J.J.'s gonna have to take a rain check on that, Lorenzo.
In that case...
Opening night, front row.
You, J.J. and Sarah.
You promised that I could stay.
Look, I'm sorry, pal, okay ?
Things have changed.
It's getting a little weird around here, alright ?
What happened ?
Did you get another one of your visions ?
Yeah, I did, actually.
I hate them.
You hate them ?
What do you mean ?
All the kids at school.
They act like I'm a freak or something.
'Cause we're related.
Let me ask you something.
Do you think you're a freak ?
No.
Look J.J.,
I know what people think about me.
And i'm sorry you're getting flak about it in school.
But if it comes down to looking like a freak to try to save someone's life, or trying to act normal like the rest of the world and letting someone get hurt,
I'll take freak every time.
Why didn't you save my dad ?
I can't believe you did this.
Look, i was trying to help J.J., okay ?
The kid has been coming here all week just trying to get up the nerve to talk to this girl.
Lying to us !
- That's what I told him.
- But you let him stay !
- It got sort of complicated.
- Johnny, you're not his father.
You know what I mean, you are not Walt.
You can't make these decisions without consulting me.
He asked me for help, Sarah.
Okay ?
It's the kinda help that Walt would have given him.
This, of all places.
Johnny, you, of anyone, should know that nothing good ever happens here.
You know, it's not the old carnival anymore.
This place has changed.
Has it, really ?
Come on.
Let's finish this at home.
I'll make this up to him.
J.J...
Johnny, are you coming ?
No, I gotta stay here. 
I'll see you guys at the house, alright ?
- What ? 
Another vision ?
- I'll talk to you later.
Oh, damn it, johnny.
Lorenzo, no !
Johnny, get them off from me !
Don't worry, they're not poisonous.
They're corn snakes.
Call sheriff Turner. 
Have her meet me in the parking lot.
Yeah.
Who are you ?
The van is stolen, but we ran the prints.
They belong to Duncan Miller, 29.
Duncan Miller ?
What, you know him ?
I thought he was in jail.
He was.
Serving a ten-year sentence at shawshank for the murder of...
Alice sheargold.
He was released a week ago.
How do you know this guy ?
It was...
About two years after your accident, Johnny.
The carnival was on its last night here at Cleaves Mills.
Duncan Miller piled on in may when we swung through Charlotte.
He was a black guy, right ?
Glasses ?
Yeah, deaf mute.
The guy i saw didn't speak either.
Poor Duncan.
He was absolutely obsessed with one of the performers.
Even got her name tattooed on his arm.
Alice Sheargold.
Queen of the reptiles.
Did a sort of striptease, but instead of veils, she used snakes.
Classy.
That night, she agreed to meet him after the carnival closed.
In the house of mirrors.
Later we heard that... the whole rendezvous was just a setup to humiliate him.
Duncan found out and lost it.
The police found her body covered in blood with shards of broken mirror.
He killed her.
Still doesn't explain why he's here.
Maybe I can find out why.
I know where he is.
Let's go.
Freeze !
Freeze, or I will shoot your ass, Duncan.
Down, down.
Same old Johnny, always getting me out of jams.
Ugly job, but somebody's gotta do it.
What was this guy doing in the tent anyway ?
So, lorenzo, you were there the night that Alice Sheargold died.
In the hall of mirrors.
I was working late after the carnival closed.
I heard a commotion but, when i got inside, it was too late.
He was still there, kneeling beside her dead body.
So I just... ran back to my office and called the police.
I'm the reason why Duncan Miller went to jail.
Well, that explains why he came after you.
But if he loved her so much, why would he kill her ?
Come on, Johnny.
Even love has a dark side.
All right, buddy, I gotta head home.
So Sarah can yell at me.
And yet, you're not married.
Kinda odd.
You went away for a second there, buddy.
Yeah. 
Did Alice wear a silver, heart-shaped locket ?
Come to think of it, yeah.
Why ?
It's been a long night.
Gotta head home.
Your coach is thinking of dropping you from the team.
J.J., you lied to us.
Okay. 
You don't want to talk about this like an adult.
Fine. 
You're grounded.
So if I told you the truth, you wouldn't be mad at me ?
No.
It was still wrong.
Look, no matter how much you might feel like you're a grownup you're not.
Not yet.
- Mom...
- If seeing this girl was so important to you, then you should have said something instead of sneaking off and lying to us.
Maybe we could have talked about it, you know?
Come up with a compromise.
Like when we moved in here ?
Nobody asked me if I wanted to do it.
We just did it.
You shouldn't be in here, Johnny.
You had a vision of me putting this in the cabinet.
Didn't you ?
How come you held on to it for this long ?
Because I loved Alice.
I always have.
Your obsession wasn't Alice in wonderland.
It was Alice Aheargold, right?
We were supposed to get married.
She's...
She just told me she didn't love me anymore.
She was about to leave town...
with that f... with Duncan.
I got drunk.
I lost control. 
I...
Man, i don't even remember doing it.
This man spent ten years in prison for a crime he didn't commit.
Then he tried to kill me.
If he wanted to kill you, he could have done it easily.
He wanted you to confess!
After all these years !
How do you know that ?
Because when he came to me and he reached out and he touched me, he wanted me to see the truth.
Please, Johnny, can't you just let it go?
No.
Thanks for the call.
Yeah, it was hard to make.
So first your friend Walt, now Lorenzo.
You're two for two.
Wanna give me your address book?
I can go alphabetically.
You know what your problem is?
You're working way too hard to try to piss me off.
Kinda makes me think you're hiding something.
I'm sorry, Sarah.
But i just tried to fix things for J.J.
I think i made it worse.
How about me ?
I mean, i can't even keep track of my own son.
For a whole week now, he's been completely off my radar.
Anything could have happened to him.
Well, if anyone should have seen this coming...
It should have been me, right?
But we are gonna have to figure out how to do this.
You know, I mean...
Whatever this is.
And with the baby keeping us running,
J.J.'s just gonna think he can slip through the cracks.
Well, I'm open to any ideas.
Okay, so... how about... grounded for a month and no personal calls?
And no allowance?
Nice touch !
Let's go tell him.
So, what's the deal with this girl he just met?
You really wanna know?
Do I ?
Okay.
Old woman.
14. 
Acrobat.
Oh, stop.
I'm so not ready for this.
What, does it sound familiar?
A girl, a boy, a carnival?
Very.
But better this time, right?
Definitely better.
J.J.?
It's me and your mom. 
We wanna talk...
Oh, my God ! 
Where is he ?
I know exactly where he is.
So...
So... 
You're sure this is okay?
Of course, it's okay.
Besides, the show's cancelled, and this is my last chance to show you.
Are you gonna get in trouble for coming here?
Definitely.
I can't believe you snuck out of your house just to come see me.
So...
In the show, the white rabbit, he was supposed to greet the audience.
And he'd mount the hoop, and i'd follow him, like going down the rabbit hole, only in reverse.
When I'd be on the hoop, I'd do my whole routine.
Wanna see ?
No, I...
I thought we could just, you know, hang out.
You don't have to do your act.
You don't want to see it?
No, no, no... 
I do. 
I just...
I don't think you should go up there.
Don't worry.
I've done this like a million times.
Just... press the green button.
Somebody help me !
Somebody help me !
Monique!
I'm trying ! 
It's not working.
Help, somebody!
this thing's broken!
Monique!
It's not... 
It's notr working.
Johnny, you've gotta help her!
Come on, I'm coming !
Hurry, Johnny !
Hang on.
Hurry, Johnny !
hey, what are you doing?
What are you doing up there?
You're trying to save her.
Monique, It's okay.
he's not gonna hurt you.
He's not gonna hurt you!
Are you okay ?
You were right.
Are you guys okay?
What happened to the rope?
You rigged it for Lorenzo.
Didn't you?
That's why you were in the main tent when the police caught you.
He tried to kill Lorenzo?
No...no.
Lorenzo weighs twice what monique does.
The rope would have broken before he got to the top.
He never would have made it.
It was a warning.
Make things right before someone gets hurt.
In the vision i just had,
I realized you came back in here to fix it.
You're a good man, Duncan.
I'm sorry for everything.
I'm sorry.
Do you have anywhere to go?
Maybe you could come with us.
Everyone here's really nice.
Kinda like a family.
I wonder if I'm ever gonna see her again.
You never know.
I'd say you made an impression !
Yeah.
Johnny, I'm...
I'm sorry about what I said before.
About your visions.
My dad.
It's okay.
Why'd you sneak out tonight?
I wanted to see monique again.
That's cool.
Back at the tent, after you caught monique,
I saw the way she looked at you.
She said you were right.
Right about what?
I told her I thought...
Something bad might happen if she climbed the rope.
Did you have a vision about something bad happening?
No, no. 
It was... just a feeling.
Just a feeling.
Let me tell you something, son.
You don't ever have to feel bad.
About getting those feelings.
'Cause when you get them, you come to me.
'Cause if anyone's gonna understand, it's me, right?
Right.
Look at it this way.
You saved her.
And she knew it.
I think I get what you said earlier.
I'd rather look like a freak and and save someone's life than act normal.
and let someone get hurt.
There it is.
You're my man.
So...
I'm not in trouble?
Oh, no. 
You're in trouble, all right.
I'd say plan on being grounded till college.
That figures.
Come on!
So..
let me ask you.
Was it worth it?
Oh, yeah!
Definitely.
Gimme five.
Wasn't that our car back there?
Yeah, but I think we need to pick up one of those stuffed animals.
It might make things go better with your mom.

Razor Flashback "Episodes 6: 
Survivors"
Someone in there?
Help! 
Help us, they left us here!
Don't leave us here, please!
I'm gonna get you out of here.
We're civilians...
They jumped our convoy, they destroyed our escort and they took us all prisoner.
There were fifty of us, but been taken as away one by one...
We'd heared the others screaming...
We didn't know what was happening to them, please, you gotta get us out of here...
I'm trying...
Door must be welded shut.
What's happening?
I don't know, Just like earthquake.
This place is starting to come upon...
I've got it!
It's still stucked!
I can't open it any broader!
You gotta go! 
You gotta go!
You gotta go get help!
I'll stay here! 
I'll stay who ...
No! 
You can't do it by yourself!
Just go!
Tell what happened to us!
Our ship was the Diana...
From Gemenese, allright?
You just tell them!
If you stay here you'll be trapped like us!
Go!
Go!
.. 
Go!
..
Save Yourself!
Gooo!
...

Good morning, USA!
I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day
The sun in the sky has a smile on his face
And he's shining a salute to the American race
SON REGRETS TEACHING DAD HOW TO TEXT MESSAGE
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
Good morning, USA
Stop!
Stop! 
I know you can totally hear me!
Good morning, whore.
Freeze! 
Put your hands in the air!
Jamison La Croix, weapons dealer, drug smuggler, corpse.
Bum, bum, bum Ba, ba, bum-bum-bum
Bum, bum, bum Ba, ba, bum-bum-bum
And another one gone, and another one gone another one bites the dust.
Hey, he's gonna get you, too, another one bites the dust.
Well done, Smith.
This brings your kill total up to 14, and it means you get to pick tomorrow's lunch.
Quiznos, I choose Quiznos!
Are you sure?
We have many new take out menus.
Toasted bread and melted cheese! 
Quiznos!
Toasted bread and melted cheese! 
Quiznos!
Was he in a lot of pain?
Did his guts spill out?
How long will he be dead?
I have killed for both onor and pleasure.
Sorry, boys, I don't kill and tell.
Part of the killer's code.
I bet he sees his victims' faces every time he closes his eyes.
And I bet they're all, like, "Why?"
And he's all, like, "You know why."
Stan has replaced Rutger Hauer on my wall and in my heart.
You guys are pathetic.
You're idolizing a murderer.
Oh, yeah?
Well, ba-ba-booey.
What the hell does that mean?
Guy humor, Hayley.
You don't got a willy, you don't get the silly.
Dad, speaking of guy stuff, we were all talking about trying out for the gymnastics team at school...
I'll kill you if you do.
He totally will, too.
He's so awesome.
Kids, leave your father alone.
The last thing he wants to do is relive every vivid gruesome detail.
Save that for the bedroom, my big, powerful killer.
Francine, you know I likes to get with the ladies, but right now I have to take a rain check.
I'm playing poker tonight with a couple of guys from work.
We need a fourth, so Chilly's coming along.
Chilly?
You heard right, baby.
They call me Chilly 'cause I got ice in my veins.
What's with these cards, Bad Larry?
!
You're screwing me with these cards!
Why can't I stop sweating?
I'm sorry, Chilly.
I don't control the cards.
If I did, I'd give you the best gosh-darn ones there were.
Oh! 
Bad Larry, your wife made this guacamole?
Usually, the ugly ones can cook.
Ray, you're honest 'cause you're old.
So, how do you and Stan know each other?
From work.
We know each other from work.
Oh, that's where we know him from.
Then from the coffee shop!
I don't know!
I'm trying to play a hand here.
Hey, Smith, mazel tov on the kill today.
What'd you have to eat after?
Uh, I don't know.
You don't know?
What the hell's wrong with you?
I remember every meal I ate after every kill.
Whose deal is it? 
Come on!
I'm in a big hole here!
Huge, huge hole!
Madonna circa 1986.
I'm in Madonna circa 1986.
Johnny Demone was my first kill.
Slit his throat with a coping saw, then ate an egg salad sandwich.
It was too big. 
I took home half.
Yeah, you never forget your first.
Mine was my old partner Joe.
Turned out he was working for the East Germans.
While I was strangling him,
I stuck my thumb in his eye socket and popped his eye out.
Then without severing the optical nerve, I turned it around so he could watch himself die.
My God, Bad Larry!
One time can I get a hand?
!
What about you, Stan?
Who was your first?
Oh, now, I'm a gentleman.
I never kill and tell.
Oh, come on.
It's just us guys.
Okay, I shot a guy.
Who? 
Come on. 
We want details.
It was this Russian spy.
You guys don't know him.
He was from Canada.
Oh, yeah? 
Where'd you shoot him?
- In the body.
- Where inthe body?
The... the front. 
The.. front of the body.
Hey, uh, how about when you kill someone dead, and then afterwards your hands smell like wet dog?
Wet dog?
Well, you know what I mean.
Something dog.
Whose deal is it?
You didn't kill anyone today.
I don't think you've ever killed anyone.
Wha, what are you...?
I've totally killed people.
Hey, anyone notice that Chilly's really an alien?
- You're a virgin.
- I am not a virgin!
Big macho Stan, he's a killing virgin!
You've never popped your cherry!
No, I... 
I... my soufflé!
Well, he's my ride, so I should get going, too.
Probably a good thing since I've been getting complete crap all ni... 
Who's in?
- Fold 
- Fold.
Damn it!
Don't look at me!
I'm a disgrace!
Come on, Stan.
Get in the car.
We have to talk about what happened.
Now, should I have folded that pair of threes?
Roger, I've never killed anyone.
Don't you want to know how that's possible?
Oh, yeah, sure.
We can talk about your thing first,I guess.
It all started when I was a rookie agent 20 years ago.
I'd been following this spy for months and finally had him cornered.
Sorry, folks, spilled my beer. 
Sorry.
What are you doing?
Don't shoot me in the stomach!
That's stupid!
It probably won't even kill me.
Is this your first time or something?
Oh, my God, it is!
Well, you're terrible at it!
You are terrible!
And you'll never be any good. 
Never!
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't pull the trigger. 
I just froze up.
I took credit for the kill, but since then I've never been able to do the deed.
But I thought you've killed a bunch of people?
Not exactly.
Yep, I still got it.
Hey, you're that virgin from the subway.
Howy you been, virgin?
I been up and down myself.
Sweet Lady Cancer took one of my nads.
Everyone thought I was this badass CIA agent, so I went with it.
And that's who I became-- for myself, my wife and my kids.
Roger, they can never find out the truth.
They'd be devastated.
Hey, don't worry.
Your secret is safe with me.
Look, I'll tell you one of mine, so we're even.
I return stuff to The Gap all... the... time.
Liar! 
Your whole life has been a lie!
Damn it, Roger!
You're not a killer of men, you're a killer of truth!
Look, Steve, it's not...
You made me look like a real jerk.I'm a jerk!
You know what it's like to be made a jerk of?
I've been walking around my whole life wondering who the jerk is, and then bam! 
I'm the jerk!
You made me a jerk, Pop.
Aren't we a fine pair?
The jerk and the guy that made him a jerk!
Oh, Daddy, I just knew you couldn't be a cold-blooded killer.
- I'm so proud of you.
- No!
Why don't you come with me to the Citizen's Protest Caucus?
Together, we'll pick blueberries for peace.
I loved you!
Everyone, just relax.
So Stan hasn't killed anyone.
He's still the same person he was last night.
It's just our opinion of him that's changed.
You told them I'm a killing virgin?
Stan, come on. 
I'm a gossip.
I reveal people's darkest secrets so I can seem momentarily interesting.
You know who else does that? 
Hayley.
What are you guys doing here?
Chilly called us this morning.
You can't go on being a virgin.
Which is why we'regonna take you out and get you your first kill.
And you'll be doing your killing with this.
No? 
All right, then every ones coot back.
I got to whack this thing on the ground.
I don't know about this, guys.
Hey, pal, relax.
We brought you to the best place in town.
Inside are the most pathetic people in the city with nothing to live for.
It's like Applebee's with a bar.
Oh, wait, Applebee's has a bar.
It's like Applebee's.
Stan, look who I met at the bar.
This is Gladys.
She's 46, never been married despite years of trying, had a hysterectomy,so even if she does find that special someone-- ha-ha-- there's no chance she'll have kids.
You should kill her.
Uh, I-I can't. 
She's, she's too tall.
I don't want to killanyone too... tall.
Everyone, this is James.
I found him curled up under the dart machine smelling of urineand despair.
His sport jacket, as you can see, is made of newspapers.
He keeps mumbling that he'd' rather die than pay that whore alimony, which in my book is a green light.
Uh, you-you guys want me to shoot a guy named James?
As in "Jim"?
Like Jim Davis, the guy who opened up his heart and gave us "Garfield"?
This is Mark. 
He created that TV show Quintuplets.
Me like e the one where they went to prom.
That one was terrible.
They were all terrible.
That was awful.
I can't stand the whole bar scene.
Hey, it was your first night out there.
You'll find the right one soon.
Well, how will I know it's the right one?
Oh, you'll know.
When you find "the one," you just know.
You seem awfully knowledgeable about all this.
Have you ever...?
Well, I served in the war.
- There was a space war?
- Space war?
No, no, I fought for the Viet Cong in the late '60s.
I've told you that story, right?
Well, the end of it is we won.
Steve, what are you doing?
!
Drinking bee rin my underwear.
Put that down and go put on some clothes this instant!
Or you can shut up!
Oh, this is a little uncomfortable.
There we are.
I'm your father.
You can't talk to me that way.
Yeah? 
Whatcha gonna do, kill me?
Maybe Steve is your "one".
I can't kill my own son.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Now I refer you back to my previous statement-- shut up!
Get the door.
Boy, he is rough on you.
He is elephant-making-love-to-a-cat rough on you.
Hi, sorry to disturb you.
My name's Randy, I just moved in with my mom down the street.
I'm throwing emptiesat your head.
I was recently released from prison and the law requires me to tell everyone within a two-mile radius that I'm a registered sex offender.
I threw peanuts at you.
I used to work over at the water park where I molested a ton of kids.
But, now I'm out, so...
we'll see what happens.
Sorry, my mind's a million miles away.
Now what are you selling?
Hey, shut the door!
You're letting all the air out.
So smooth.
Can I come in?
I would very much like to come in.
I would like tobe in your home.
Chicken strips on a TV tray in five minutes or I'm kicking your ass!
Hey, killer, how was the kill?
Do you need to wash the blood off your hands?
Or better yet, don't.
Well, I... didn't actually kill anyone.I tried to...
You know what, I'm tired, I have a headache,
I have a lot of work to do. my back hurts, it's that time of the month, I have an early meeting.
All right Stan, now don't be nervous.
This place is a sure thing.
I'm gonna do itthis time, guys.
Good. 
Now, if you start to getnervous, picture them naked.
If you start to get reallynervous, make them get naked.
Still nervous?
You get naked.
You can do what everyou want.
You're killing these people.
We're in a bit of a hurry, we have to catch a comet.
Now, according to the laws of Zargon, we need an outsider to deliver the poison which will return us to our home planet.
And you must bethe chosen ones since you were the first to reply to our post on Craigslist.
How awesome is Craigslist?
That's how I met my hiking buddy and that bitch who stole all my stuff.
Okay, now, which one of you will be releasing us to freedom?
Our boy Stan, right here.
Is there a problem?
What're you waiting for? 
Hurry up.
Is this the first time you've poisoned a bunch of people?
Come on, do it.
Do it. 
Do it!
Uh...
Right now's my acting class.
I'm letting down my scene partner.
So...
I like your shower caps.
It sells "crazy" right away.
There you are.
I've been calling your cell all morning.
I got you a part in a snuff film.
You'll be killing Stacy Keach.
Oh, oh, what is this?
I-I don't get this.
I was picking Blueberries For Peace with my daughter.
Who was I kidding?
I'm just a wimpy non-killer who doesn't have the guts to end another human's life.
I'll set up the juicer so we can make empathy smoothies.
Yay.
I see you've notice dour unitards.
We're trying out for gymnastics.
That's right, I'm defying you with a handspring.
Ah!
I am in Danskin, yet you are the one sho is shamed.
Good luck.
Wish me luck on bottling my own preserves.
My blueberries!
Look at yourself.
Look at what you've become.
You're not gonna find the "one"picking blueberries.
Give it up, Roger.There is no "one".
That person doesn't exist.
No "one" is just going to magically fall into my lap.
That's it, that's, the "one".
The guy who came to my house.
This whole time I was going out looking or it when it was right down the street, living with its mother and watching The Sandlot on DVD.
Uh, Stan...
It was right there and I couldn't even see it.
Stan?
I guess that's why it's perfect.
You don't even realize it's happening, then...
- Stan!
- What?
Steve just rode away in that pedophile's ice cream truck.
Oh, my God.
He had ice cream at lunch.
Are you Randy's mother?
.
I need to find your son.
He drove off with my boy.
Oh, dear.
Randy used to work at the water park before the Troubles.
You might want to check there.
He also kills cats!
So, uh... you know.
What an awesome place.
Thanks for bringing us, Randy.
No problem.
Hey, do you kids sometimes kiss your pillow and pretend it'sone of the Little Rascals?
Uh, no.
Me, neither.
How'd you boys like to see the old mattress in my secret spy lair behind the waterfall?
Yeah!
I am uneasy.
I need a ticket quickly.
My son is about to be molested.
- $65.
- 65? 
That's outrageous.
If you have a soda can, you get in for half-price.
I hope my son's still about to be molested.
I need a half-price ticket.
I'm sorry, I can't accept a full can.
It has to be empty.Aah!
Polar bears... shouldn't givethis... to their babies.
All right,clear a path.
Some people workfor a living.
Uh-uh-uh, you guys need tickets.
CIA.
Wow. 
That bums me out.
Perry-Ellis-wallet owner.
Out of my way.
Chilly told us what happened.
We got here as soon as we could.
Spread out andfind the boys.
There's not a moment to lose.
Sanchez Montezuma, INS, Churro and Sopapilla Division.
I'm confiscating all these churros.
And a milk, please.
See?
Isn't playing "Popcorn" fun?
Something doesn't seem right here.
Yeah. 
At the very least we should've popped by now.
I'm the salt.
All kernels have to wrestle me to get salted.
Goodbye, sweet virtue.
Freeze, dirt bag.
Dad!
It's all over, Randy.
Time to die.
Okay, yeah. 
I get it.
Uh... aren't you... aren't you going to apologize and beg for your life?
No.
Look, I'm a sex offender.
I love offensive sex.
I offend people with the sex I have.
That's who I am,and that's who I'll always be.
My God, boys.
We can all take a page from Randy the molester's book.
He's comfortable with who he is, and I should be as well.
So I'm not a killer.
If it happens for me, and I kill someone, great.
If not, fine.
But it's not going to be what defines me.
I don't need to kill someone to prove anything to you, myself or anyone else.
Thanks for saving us.
I'm sorry for the way I acted.
Just because you haven't killed anyone doesn't mean you're not a great dad.
Yeah. 
That's nice.
You're going away for a long time, Randy.
Not as long asyou might think.
What do you mean?
Well, I've got a great lawyer and my mom's got a ton of money.
I'll be back out on the streets in no time.
I don't think so.
Once again, Bad Larry I am so sorry.
I can't believe you fired a shot that completely missed Randy and went through the waterfall, hitting Bad Larry who was on the other side.
What?
I'm just trying to make sure we're all clear.
I'm not gonna make it.
See, Stan?
It was me all along.
I was your "one," and you didn't even know it.
Bad Larry.
Hey, hey, no tears, you.
I am one bad, bad Larry.
I'll never forget you, Bad Larry.
You'll always be my first.
I'm... 
I'm glad it was me.
And I shall become more powerful...
than you could possibly imagine.
- What did he mean by that?
- Eh, who cares, he's dead.
I know it's just a corn dog, but you'll never forget it.
Where did I park my car?
Daddy! 
You're just in time to go with me to pick Raspberries For Justice.
Go to hell, Hayley.
That's not who I am.
Now go take off that unitard, or I'll kill you.
You so would.
- Did you kill someone?
- Yep.
Did you wash the blood off your hands?
I sure didn't, honey.
I sure didn't.
Here it is, my big chance.
Last line of the show.
Oh, oh, I've got an area.
Something about Rutger Hauer.
No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
No, no Fox local news. 
No!

I want to tell you a story about a good boy who stuttered like hell.
But first, let's meet his father.
Assholes!
County of whores!
We don't fuck anymore.
He committed suicide when Sebastian was a boy.
And that's why Sebastian started stuttering.
His father was a useless artist, who drank and fornicated –
– and full of self-pity he decided to put an end to everything.
Small-minded fascist recruits!
A doctor told me that 85% of all suiciders regret it at the last moment.
A few lucky survivors have said so.
This isn't what I wanted.
Oh no.
Hey! 
Stop it!
No!
So Sebastian's father wasn't one of the lucky ones.
It devastated the small family.
Infidelity, suicides and details like that do that. 
That's how it is.
That's how Aunt Anna became Uncle Anna.
And Sebastian became the stuttering son of two mothers.
Horny, queer rails!
Lie still while I piss on you, dirty bastards.
He was fine with that he stuttered.
They thought he was a good boy –
– who reacted calmly to not having a father.
In fact, people who reminded him of his father annoyed him.
Sebastian was mad at him.
And drinkers, liars or adulterers –
– had to be eliminated.
Sebastian could relax for a short while. 
He stuttered a little less.
And on a good day he could even break out into songs.
As he went along in his solitude –
– he vowed never to be a bastard like his father.
NIMBUS FILM PRESENTS
Our story begins the day before his hometown's 750th anniversary.
This called for a celebration, so a famous opera singer –
– a native of the small town was on his way to perform.
WHEN A MAN COMES HOME
Hey!
Hi.
It's the musicians.
Keep going straight.
When you get to the first roundabout – take the first right and then the second left.
No, take Mosegyden and then the first...
Shut up, Peter. 
Go past...
-Take a right. 
You shut up.
You're sending them the wrong way.
First message.
- This is mom. 
We're on our way.
- Lots of kisses.
Uncle says hello.
I have to tell you something, Sebastian.
It's important that it's only the two of us. 
Bye.
Bent, you hunk. 
How's it going?
- Why the hell are you so happy?
is... 
Isn't...
- lsn't there a party soon? 
That's why.
Cover that gut with a shirt.
- Still living with mommy?
He banged a pig once.
It's true.
Bent's fat. 
Sebastian is skinny and engaged. 
Congratulations.
Hey!
Hi, Claudia! 
Over here!
- Hi.
Hi, sweet cheeks.
Want to smoke Daddy's pipe?
You're kidding.
- See you.
Nick, she's Sebastian's lady.
What are you thinking?
What do you mean?
- What's up with you?
What I mean is she's Sebastian's girlfriend.
Isn't it okay, Sebastian?
- No.
You just can't do that.
- Shut up.
Not again, Nick.
Knock it off!
Easy, Nick. 
Easy.
Stop it!
Sebastian.
Help!
You're strangling me.
We bought  s–s–six boxes...
Come on, Sebastian.
Six kilos of par–parsnips and...
Two boxes of pea–pea–peas.
T–t–ten...
Enough! 
This isn't going anywhere.
That's why we're late all the time.
Wa have four boxes of carrots peas and asparagus. 
Three boxes.
Two boxes of broad-leaf lettuce.
- No, it's curly lettuce.
Shut up, Peter.
Okay, okay.
You two, go pick him up. 
The chef.
He's travelled for more than 30 hours and driven 1250 miles. 
He never flies.
He's an artist. 
A truly great one.
Never flies. 
A truly great artist.
Stop here.
Well done.
Hi.
Welcome.
- Hi.
Oskar Parvo Andersson.
Has the calf arrrived?
- Yes. 48 pounds.
It's raised on full-fat milk and stood in the shade.
Not even dew has touched it.
- How is it?
It's dead.
He says the calf is dead.
No.
The calf isn't dead.
Everything is alive.
Everything moves and exists.
We eat it, excrete it and eat it again.
We're living compost.
- What's he saying?
The calf isn't dead.
We're just helping it along.
Could I speak to the manager?
Of course. 
Just wait right here.
Where is Petrovic?
He's sick. 
It can't come.
What did he say?
- That he's sick.
Sickness on bowels. 
He's bleating.
Probably diet.
Sickness in bowels. 
He's bleating.
Probably diet.
He says Petrovic is sick.
Something about his bowels.
And that he'll probably die.
Where are the violinists?
- Problems. 
We have fine orchestra.
I'm sorry, but you're not the orchestra we ordered.
Petrovic promised us...
- This is a hotel with violins...
Excuse me, Mr. Lorentz...
- Get them out of here.
Excuse me, Mr. Lorentz.
My name is Maria Wassel.
I'm here for the job.
Stop! 
I don't have time.
Tell Petrovic that this just isn't on.
- We have nuther kind.
We have nuther kind. 
Nuther kind.
I can't understand a damn thing.
Out!
This is our big moment.
We'll send the tenor and his wife on a gastronomical joumey.
It'll be an invasion of shellfsh.
As an accompaniment we'll serve an inferno of free-range lettuce.
Lollo rosso, frissé Batavian, escarole, white asparagus.
And the calf. 
Veal fricassee.
Forest mushrooms fresh herbs, German wine.
Everything subtle and unpretentious.
Under canopies in the palm court.
The guests will be expectant.
Very open, warm and curious.
Put your hands here and close your eyes.
We swear to push our abilities to the breaking point.
We swear!
We need more employees.
Fill this out. 
Are you feeling better?
It's good to keep busy.
I talked to your father.
There's no shame in getting psychiatric help. 
Chin up, my girl.
I've been hospitalized once myself.
Twice.
Well, a few times.
A heck of a lot of times actually.
That's fine, my girl.
We'll take it nice and easy.
- Thanks.
I've been discharged conditionally.
I havetoavoidthingsthatupset me.
I'm sure the next few days will be nice and quiet.
Make sure to take your medicine.
And fill out this form.
Thanks. 
But I hate how sluggish it makes me feel.
Fuck that. 
If you don't take it, you'll have problems.
What happened to your mother?
She died. 
It's good to talk about it.
You know that she had sclerosis.
In the end, she couldn't move.
The bathroom window was open, and it was during winter.
I was at the neighbor.
- Where was your mom? 
I don't get it.
In the bathtub.
- Okay.
Anyway, I got to talking overt here.
And then I forgot all about my mom.
And I'm sure she tried to get out.
You will die from cold.
But she couldn't get out.
Oops.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi, Sebastian.
I'm beating the carpets.
- Okay.
Fine.
What's wrong?
- You stutter.
It's still really sweet.
Maria?
Yes, that's me.
It's been a long time.
Yes.
Do you need help?
- No thanks.
So... how are you?
I'm okay.
Are you mad at me?
- No.
But I never heard from you.
No. I know.
But... I wasn't capable of doing much.
- That's okay.
Okay.
But we were pretty good sweethearts.
Well, yes.
I didn't think you'd come back here.
Neither did I.
But now I'm here. 
My dad wanted to move back to the house.
I thought you'd moved, too.
- Me?
Yes, to an organic commune or something.
No, that's my mom.
- And Uncle Anna.
So you still live here?
- Yes.
I was supposed to move to town, but I got an apprenticeship here.
And I was supposed to live somewhere else. 
But here we are again.
Here we are. 
Crazy.
You didn't stutter. 
You can do it.
Sometimes I forget.
You know that.
Yes.
I suppose I do.
Wall, I'd better get on with it.
Talk to you later.
Are you okay?
- Yes. 
Sorry. I can't see a thing.
I have a clean cloth.
- That's okay. 
Sorry. 
It doesn't matter.
Where are you?
Where are you?
Sorry.
County of whores!
I've been shopping. I bought some lamb, and yoghurt for tzatziki.
Have you been drinking?
- No.
Yes.
One glass doesn't count.
- lt does for you.
I want some, too. 
So you're sitting around drinking, are you?
Let's get nice and cozy.
I love the way you feel right here.
Here's to the shithouse!
Just like that.
Ouch.
Sorry.
Like, what's going on down there?
- l don't know.
Wait. 
Let me just...
Look at me.
Nothing's happening.
It's no use.
- l don't know what's happening.
I'm a bastard.
Hi.
- Hi.
Isn't it kind of early, Sebastian?
I couldn't sleep.
And you just had to meet me in a field at 6 a.m.
Yes.
- Okay.
Did anyone in town see you?
No.
- Your girlfriend is Claudia, right?
Yes.
This isn't right.
N–n–no, it isn't.
Especially not for you.
The world's most faithful boy.
Come.
Come.
The bells...
Lis.
Alright?
- Yes. 
You look amazing.
Where are we going to sleep?
- l have to get back to work.
Let's have a chat first.
- What a nice place.
There's an aura of calm and openness.
One feels welcome.
Sebastian, we have to talk.
- Out. 
Goodbye.
This is a private conversation between mother and son.
Men are cursed at your age.
They leave the right ones and go crazy over the wrong ones...
Your father's a good example.
He left me without a word for a young girl – while I was expecting you.
And now here he is.
What do mean by "here he is"?
It's the singer.
- Karl Kristian.
Didn't you say he was hit by a train?
Did I say that?
He's a prick and a liar, and he doesn't know you exist.
He comes here all high and mighty.
But he was never hit by a train.
I can't take all this in.
You'll inherit a bundle.
- Out.
I'll have nothing to do with him.
- That's a good boy.
Don't tell anyone.
- No one will hear anything from us.
This is between the two of us.
Or rather three.
- She loved your father.
But she doesn't anymore.
Perhaps I loved him. 
Perhaps.
And what good did that do?
- Nothing. 
He was cursed, too.
It happens to every man.
Otto went nuts over Dorte.
No, because he painted surrealistic pictures.
They're horny bastards. 
All of them!
Jesus! 
Horny bastards?
Certainly not Sebastian.
- No, he's an exception. 
You're lucky.
Hello, dear.
- Hi, everyone.
I shopped for dinner. 
Hi.
But I have to get back soon.
- You look lovely.
Peter's been asking for you.
You'd better go down there.
is everything okay?
- Yes.
Yes, everything's just fine.
Get a move on.
I've just got a father.
- What?
Nothing.
- Come.
Wa swear!
- Okay, let's get going.
Whatdid he say?
- Lunch is in five minutes...
Hey, hey! 
You and you.
Come with me.
The fruit plate isn't served.
Idiots! 
And take his bags too.
I c–c–can't.
- Excuse me?
I'll fire you on the spot.
We have to plate up the...
Shut up, Sebastian.
- Sebastian and Kim!
I can't do this alone.
Go ahead. 
It's fine.
Do you think a pile of dead meat knows you're talking to it?
is that Buddhism or nirvana or what?
Does it mean that you come back as the animals you've killed?
Then I'll come back many times.
Do you know how many flies I've killed?
This is far out.
- l wonder what's in the orange one.
I don't know.
This is your suite. 
This is where we held your honeymoon years ago.
Wa haven't changed a thing.
Not a thing.
You can seethe ocean.
- Yes, you can see the ocean.
I'm sorry. 
Can you see the ocean?
Am I in the way?
I'd just like to see my own suite.
I beg your pardon?
- My own suite.
Well, let's see to that, ma'am.
I'm sure we booked one.
Once again you didn't do what you were supposed to do?
We can easily arrange for another suite. 
After lunch.
Lunch?
- Lunch under the white canopies.
For all the town's notabilities.
- Goodbye, everyone.
The joint meeting is over.
There's the door.
I don't want any lunch.
I'm not hungry.
This is not good.
It is not optimal.
The calf was slaughtered, sacrificed and rejected.
He's an artist.
Most of them are crazy. 
Claudia?
In the interviews, he's talked a lot about going home – and in his sleep he says "the bells".
I don't know why.
His secretary says he's weary of life.
And his wife is here for the sake of appearances.
He's stopped drinking.
- As well as eating.
He's lost 46 Ibs.
We don't want to pressure you.
- You have to make him eat.
No, no. I'm getting chest pains.
I can't take this.
Don't say that.
It's too much pressure for him.
Responsibility. 
Responsibility.
We'll get him to eat.
It's all good.
Two flower bouquets in the kitchen.
Roses. 
They should be on the table.
Why did you buy flowers for me?
- Because he's a good boy.
He's never bought any before.
- No.
So why?
is something wrong, dear?
- Tell us what you're feeling.
Why did you buy them? 
Tell us.
Sebastian, please explain what this is about.
I screwed another g–g–girl.
That's why I bought flowers.
- That's true.
That's often why men buy flowers.
- Shut up, Anna.
What are you saying?
- l've been with someone else.
Screw isn't the right choice of word.
- Out, Anna. 
Goodbye.
Mom, you leave as well.
- l've been with a man who...
We know.
Leave.
- No, sit down.
I don't know what to do in a situation like this.
Sebastian.
Sebastian.
I like you.
And I like that you give it to me straight.
That's what a good boy does.
- Stop calling me a good boy.
How about taking a sleeping bag?
Isn't that what people do?
And find somewhere else to sleep.
Yes. 
Then he can think it over.
What's up?
You haven't answered your phone.
I've been sent to get you.
We're very busy.
Who s–s–sent you?
That lame Swedish chef.
Now he's talking to the china.
Tomorrow they're flying in truffles from Gotland.
So many things have happened.
There's something I have to do first.
See you tomorrow.
Now what?
Is it too cold? 
Is that it?
Are you madly in love with her?
Yes.
No!
Do your thing and break it off...
- It won't work, Claudia.
What are you doing?
I'm leaving.
I'm not coming back.
You're not going anywhere, you idiot!
Oh no.
Here. 
The keys.
I'm leaving.
Sebastian!
Sebastian!
Give me the keys.
I don't want you to have the keys.
Sorry. I'll leave again.
Was that her? 
Tell her to come in.
Come on in!
Come on in. 
Hey!
Hi.
This is Claudia. 
This is Maria.
Hi.
- l know who you are.
Did you know he proposed to me?
Did you know that?
No.
If the two of you want to talk –
Let's go inside.
No thanks. 
Just leave.
What did you tell her?
- Like it is.
Like it is?
-Yes.
I can't live in this town anymore.
Everyone's mad at me.
Am I bleeding?
I have some money.
We could leave this town.
I just want to getaway from here. 
With you.
Go away! 
Don't hang around here.
- Relax!
People actually live here.
I thought she was at work.
I tried to call.
I'm sorry.
I hope you didn't say anything stupid to Claudia.
And you should  walk your nice long body up those stairs again.
Wait, Maria.
Stand still so we can talk.
It's over. 
Totally.
It's over.
And we're not mad at each other, right?
See you.
Yes, maybe. I don't know.
Ready to land.
What's our cargo?
Truffles.
Truffles?
Organic truffles even.
Look at the lovely flowers that stand proudly in the field I'm dying in my grief for the one I cannot have
And if this be the death of me then sorrow shall be yours
For never in this world of ours will you leave my mind
To the right.
Right, god dammit!
Get the salad moving, boys!
The truffles are here!
The truffles are here.
Easy now.
Treat the truffles with respect.
They grow on roots in symbiosis with...
Give him the tray.
Take it up.
I'll just get a glass of water...
- Not now, Sebastian.
Go...!
Aspirin, triple espresso, crème double. 
The fatter the better.
And get a newspaper on your way.
Breakfast is ready in the dining room.
This time I'm sure it will work.
Ready?
They're fired.
I did that already. I fired them all!
Can you tell me why they don't answer the phone downstairs?
I've been calling for 15 minutes.
is that for me?
- Yes.
It's your b–b–break... I can't understand a word.
Come over here, please.
What are you mumbling about?
Your... b–b–b...
Breakfast? 
Is that it?
Are you going to shove it down my throat too?
No, no. 
You can wait...
What?
I can't understand a word.
Louder.
I'm sorry.
It's all very confusing right now.
What's confusing?
Jesus! 
Let me take that.
Hey!
Coming.
- Gino, give me a hand.
The young man is unhappy.
He's completely devastated.
Come in.
No, sit down over there.
My goodness.
Have a seat in the sofa.
There we go.
Get him some water.
No, sit down and relax.
What about brunch?
- You know I don't want any food.
All we need is a glass of water.
Here. 
A glass of water.
Do you want us to chuck it all?
Get the bin.
Let's throw it out.
Give us two minutes to talk.
Eva, breakfast has been cancelled.
How are you doing?
Feeling better?
Here we go. 
This way.
That's it. 
Good Lord.
Let it all out.
Once more.
There, there.
- l'm sorry.
It's strange. I'm not sick.
- No, obviously not.
I didn't mean to disturb you.
- But you did.
Now stop blubbering.
Tell me what's wrong.
is it because of a nice girl?
Yes, it is.
Yes, just get it all out.
So there are two girls.
And I'm herewith...?
- Sebastian.
Sebastian, whom I don't know who's telling about his two girls – when I should be preparing.
What's the name of the girl at home?
Claudia.
- And the other one?
Maria.
- Marie. 
That's it.
No. 
Maria.
Right. 
Maria.
"Mr. Schmidt," you say to me.
"l can't live without Marie."
I've been there.
Okay.
- You have to set things straight.
It's so stupid and trivial.
And yet it's all that matters.
That's exactly what I sing about.
- Karl Kristian, you should prepare.
Out!
Sebastian, you're in love.
And that's fantastic, right?
But you'll get hurt on the way.
Isn't that what you've done?
We're talking about you, not me.
is that her? 
Is it Claudia?
Yes.
That's what I said.
Excellent. 
Answer it.
Answer it, Sebastian. 
Come on!
Go back to her.
It'll work out. 
Answer it.
Have a litttle garden and some kids to play in the garden.
That's what it's all about, Sebastian.
Why won't you do as I say, kid?
It's like looking at myself.
The same jug-ears.
What are you going to do now, kid?
- l should get back to work, but...
Hey! 
Eva!
- l'm right here, Karl Kristian.
Eva, tell the kitchen that they'll have to do without Sebastian today.
We're leaving now.
Where are we going?
- We're going to the churchyard.
We'll visit my mom.
It's 15 years ago. 
Marvellous.
Look!
This is fantastic.
Turn up the music.
Hello out there!
Hello, my beautiful girls.
They think it's tea. 
Not a word.
Be quiet, Alf.
I'll climb over.
I don't want to wait.
I have a ladder.
- He says he has a ladder.
I want to do it without a ladder.
Here we go.
Come on.
It's mind over matter.
Mom is buried over here.
... carrying a grudge
I think with shame about my defeat
Despite the pain and woe Despite every bitter pill I hold on to the hope of my future goal...
Let's give Karl Kristian a moment.
Okay.
Okay.
Say your name.
- S–s–sebastian.
One more time.
Without stuttering. 
Come on.
My name is Sebastian.
Look across the field – and imagine that it's a huge mirror.
Imagine that.
Don't you see how beautiful you are?
Say your name.
S–s–sebastian.
Good.
Without stuttering.
S–s–seba... 
Sebastian!
Louder.
Yes. 
Louder!
Make it long.
Sebastian.
- Come on.
Louder!
Fantastic! 
Give me a hug.
Okay...
Eva!
Stop fooling around.
I'd like the two young people to come to the dinner.
Call people, arrange things and do it right for once.
I always do it right.
- Right... 
Fool.
Go home and take it easy for a few hours.
Get some sleep.
Then get out your best clothes – and take an ice-cold shower.
Then you'll go to the dinner.
Good food.
And some nice wine.
And then you go and talk to Maria – like a man who's made up his mind.
Maybe you should  talk to your wife, too.
Yes, maybe I should.
Asshole!
You fucking prick!
Son of a bitch!
May you rot in hell.
Cheers.
I hate you, you prick!
The boy is asleep. 
Out!
You can't do it with the other women anymore.
I don't know.
- l talk to them.
God knows if there's anything left down there.
No children.
Don't touch me!
Bastard!
Stop it!
You fucking asshole!
Quiet, quiet...
Quiet.
Could you please stop that infernal music?
I can't believe this.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me would you mind waiting?
A young boy is sleeping up there.
Stop! 
Boy sleeping here.
Hi.
Did you hurt yourself?
I tripped over the sofa.
Who are you anyway?
Why are you sneaking around?
We were just talking.
Why are you sneaking around here?
He's outside.
I'm waiting for the bells.
They should ring in a minute.
I remember the ringing from my childhood.
Tinnitus.
- No.
Hello!
What's going on?
He's awake.
No worries. 
Play, damn it.
Play.
Oh no. 
It's all... lt's all ruined now.
That's how it goes.
Now I can't hear the bells.
This is absurd.
Your wife fell.
Her lip is bleeding.
Yes, she fell. I told you that you'd get hurt in the process, kid.
Hello, ma'am.
Is everything alright?
Gino, come here.
- Yes.
Who's the guy in the room?
He's not somebody I know.
We were wondering about the boy in the room and who he is.
Yes.
- Do you undesstand?
31 extra guests for dinner.
We'll be very busy.
Claudia, would you see to the invitations?
What?
- There's a new guest list.
With more people?
- Shut up.
That's a total of 31 more.
- Jesus. 31 more guests are coming!
Shut up.
- You can't die from it.
Bread out of the freezer. 
Now.
- What about the menu?
Forget the menu.
We'll cut the pigeons in half.
We add some foie gras.
Dry, red-hot pans.
Flame them in a cognac broth.
Vegetables, artichokes, peas, green beans.
I want plenty of vegetables now!
Here it is.
- l need shoes. 
Not that pink thing.
Your shoes are fine.
You don't have to be so dressed up.
I can't wear my sneakers.
- It's just your father.
Wear your sneakers. 
They're fine.
- Claudia isn't here, is she?
No. 
You should have seen her this evening.
A good boy doesn't do that.
- A good boy follows his heart.
I'm in a hurry.
- Sebastian.
Who is this girl you've met?
- We couldn't see her.
Shut up,Anna.
- Guess.
is it Maria?
- Yes. 
Of course.
What? 
Maria?
I'm taking her away from here.
She might be a bit crazy, but I don't care where we go.
As long as I have a litttle garden and some kids and Maria.
My pills.
What are you doing?
Hi.
Are you rifling through the trash?
Are you done?
Yes.
Then I'd like to talk to you.
Are you okay?
Yes.
What happened to your mother?
- What?
Your mother.
I'm leaving.
- Was it deliberate?
The neighbor called. I know.
But eveyone's talking about it.
So perhaps you could stop making a mess of things.
He came home to apologize.
He cried.
He said you had a nice time.
That's okay. I screwed up, too.
He doesn't know that yet.
But these things happen.
He loves me, Maria.
We're gettting married.
And that's why you have to go far away. 
Very far.
I'd like to apologize.
I'd like to apologize?
!
Yes?
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to disturb you.
But an impurity was reported, and... I didn't know you were here.
- Come on in, kid.
I'll show you to the bathroom.
I'm sorry about the mess.
The vase just fell over.
Everything's a terrrible mess.
It's this way.
I don't understand, Mr. Schmidt.
The toilet ought to have been cleaned.
Well... lt doesn't really matter.
I'm sorry.
What's the mattter?
- l just can't... I can't help it.
I'm sorry.
Take it easy.
We understand each other. 
Come.
Have a little drink.
It's amazing how much you young people here whine.
Life can be difficult, but the distressed must stick together.
What do you use that for?
- This is my bear.
His name is Anthony.
Let me show you.
He makes a man out of me.
Do you see what I mean? 
Do you?
Growl...
What are you laughing at?
There's nothing to laugh at, kid.
Are you still laughing?
You'd better get one more.
Here.
- No, I shouldn't...
Go ahead.
I shot it in Vancouver, Canada.
Many years ago.
Time certainly does fly.
Take a look at this.
Look how happy I look.
Go ahead and laugh, but it's true.
There are boys, there are men, and then there are bears.
Drink up.
Just a minute.
Are you alright?
- Yes. 
Fine.
Now I'm whining as well.
You can put your arrms around me again.
Do you mind standing here for a while?
I'm going to kiss you.
Wait.
That was a mistake.
Sorry.
Hello? 
Hi.
Did you talk to his mother?
I see.
Why?
I think I'll talk to Kristian about it.
I thought there was something up.
Where have you been?
We shoot deserters.
Sorry. I had to pick up some clothes.
I was invited to the party.
Who wasn't? 
If you don't get starrted, there won't be any dinner.
Hey!
What's going on?
You're in his room, going to the party.
People are asking me questions.
What's this all about?
Nothing.
- Nothing?
Unacceptable. 
Fired.
We need the help of our Moorish friends, who are one with nature.
That's all I can say right now.
Nice and quiet. 
Got that?
I want a flawless evening.
Ka-ma-te! 
Ka-ma-te!
- Kaa-u-ra! 
Kaa-u-ra!
Ka-ma-te! 
Ka-ma-te!
- Kaa-u-ra!
What's going on?
- They're just happy.
We're almost done with the main course.
Fine. 
You're all fred.
I really can't take it.
Wa can't stop him.
It's all inthe genes.
Shut up!
Do you want something to drink?
I don't even know your name.
Maria.
- Yes. 
Maria, do you want something?
Yes, please.
Did you say your name was Maria?
Why?
We have to go to dinner now.
Someone's waiting for you.
Someone you know.
You know who it is. 
You're invited.
No, I haven't been invited.
That's a mistake.
is it Sebastian?
Yes.
I know him, so it's best not to tell him about this.
He doesn't care.
He's going to be married.
I wouldn't count on that.
Then she lied.
Who?
- Doesn't matter.
In some cases – it's best not to tell anyone.
Hi.
I was wondering – if you could find – some nice clothes for the young lady.
Maybe the dress from Verona.
The one with the waist.
No more, Karl Kristian.
I can't take anymore.
No more. 
It's over now.
Completely over.
Please be seated.
And I'd like you to be quiet.
Hi.
In a minute the bells will ring.
- We're waiting for the bells.
I remember sitting in the square with my mother.
And the bells rang.
I remember coming home from school as a happy boy.
And...
And when I got married, they rang.
As well as when I left town.
Mind you, during my whole childhood–- l was staring at a stupid cow.
I felt life had come to a standstill – and that somewhere out there life was passing me by.
Then I got beat up by my father, John the Farmer, as some of you know.
Then I left town.
And somehow that cow in the field was as big as the rest of the world.
But ever since  I've longed for the bells.
Well, they're about to ring.
Please be quiet and listen carefully.
Yes. 
In a few seconds. 
Now.
I fell asleep to that sound a sa child.
Let's have something to eat.
Cheers.
How long have you been mayor?
The old gray matter.
It's not what it used to be.
He's eating.
Has he eaten?
He's eating.
He's eating.
What's up?
He's eating.
- He's eating. 
Way to go!
We did it, boys!
I'm sorry. 
It's because we have to protect ourselves.
Sebastian has been here a lot.
I only want to find out who he is.
I might as well tell you now.
Everyone will find out eventually.
Sebastian is Karl Kristian's son.
Our son.
Karl Kristian's and mine.
Are you okay?
is something wrong?
- No, don't worry.
Sorry.
- Why are you crying?
What?
- l'm sorry.
What?
- l have to tell you something.
I'll break your neck!
Let mego!
Play!
We'll keep watch.
- They won't get past us.
Relax, Sebastian!
I've got a son.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
It's lovely to be here.
And it's lovelyto come home.
Excuse me have you seen Sebastian?
No, certainly not.
And I don't wish to.
You're fired. 
All of you.
Let me go.
Take it easy!
What the hell is she doing here?
- Just talk to her.
What the hell are you doing?
Sebastian, it was a mistake.
Jesus Christ!
I'm leaving in a minute.
I'll pack my things and go away.
Sebastian you're not stuttering anymore.
No.
What's he saying?
- That smarmy guy is singing.
Who?
- Shut up!
is that Swedish too?
- Shut the fuck up.
Bye, son.
I don't exist anymore.
Take care.
Claudia?
Claudia? 
Hey!
Hi.
What's up?
- Not much.
What are you doing here?
- l just wanted my bag and...
There you go.
- Thanks.
I hear you've gone nuts.
True. I'll come up.
Don't.
- Why not?
Your mom left. 
Don't come up.
Who's up there?
- No one.
Can't come up for a glass of water?
- Water.
Thanks. 
Claudia.
Goodbye.
Guys, let's pitch in for Sebastian's trip to Copenhagen.
Here come the big bucks!
- Hang on a minute.
I don't know you very well.
- Only since kindergarten.
Hand it over.
It doesn't matter.
- 8 kroner.
What a tight ass! 
8 kroner.
- You see all these bills?
This one's from Kim.
He doesn't have much.
But they dock my pay, Nick.
- Only a 3rd grader gives 8 kroner.
Sorry, S–s–sebastian.
- Shut up.
See you. 
Take care.
- You too.
Seb.
See you. 
Take care.
I love you.
Cheers, Sebastian.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Just don't sleep with my parents.
I don't want to talk about it.
Not my mother either.
- Cut it out, Sebastian.
Let's just stand here quietly.
I'd like to apologize.
Thank you.
- l talked to your mother.
She said you'd be here.
Look...
Here's my card.
You're my boy.
There's no gettting around that.
Jug-ears and all.
That's what they say.
Would you like to go for coffee?
No thanks.
- An ice cream cone with the works?
No.
- Tea? 
No.
Now you have my card, so...
Call me if you want to see me.
Yes, I'll call if I want to see you.
You can sleep on my couch – and eat all my food – and beat me up some more.
Whatever as long as you promise to visit me.
You mean a lot to me.
You probably don't understand it.
Yes, I do.
There's one more thing.
What was your name?
Sebastian.
Sebastian, right. 
No stuttering.
Come here.
By the way... I have a little present for you.
Hi.
- Hi.
Gino. 
The suitcase.
Just a second.
It's a bear.
Take good care of it.
I will.
Off you go.
Subtitles:. 
Karen Margrete Win Dansk Video Tekst

Hi there. 
I'm Mike, and this is--
What are you doing?
Tai chi.
Well cut it out, we're filming!
Oh!
Hey folks, I'm Mike, and this is my partner Dave.
Hey!
Today we have a question from Jeff McFarland;
"Dear Civil Protection, what is... 'ma-chin-i-ma'?"
Umm, I've... 
I've never even heard of that word.
What about you, Dave?
Of course!
Machinima is a torture device that was developed during the Spanish Inquisition as a means for extracting confessions.
Whoa, really?
Nah, I don't know what it means either.
You had me fooled.
I don't even think it's in the dictionary.
I play Scrabble a lot, and I've never come across it.
Maybe it's some kind of slang.
Oh come on, this had way too many syllables to be a slang word.
It's probably some sort of industry term.
Yeah, probably.
Well sorry Jeff, I guess we don't know either.
We're only cops, so I guess you might have to check with a university or something.
Yeah, but we do hear lots of slang though!
Like 'hydros', know what that means?
I'll give you a hint- it's not water!
[chuckles] Dave here is referring to the street term for a marijuana joint that's been laced with PCP, and then soaked in formaldehyde.
Also known as love boats, sherms, clickers, and happy sticks.
It's pretty crazy stuff.
I mean formaldehyde is embalming fluid, for God's sake!
You'd think we're making this up, but we've been finding plenty of these things frisking people and doing searches.
The idea is that the formaldehyde is used to mask the smell of the PCP, so it's easier to move through customs.
Lord knows what it does to your brain.
You'll smoke yourself RETARDED with one of those!
Yup. 
So uh, don't do that.
-Hey Dave.
-What?
-You haven't actually smoked any of that crap, have you?
-No!
Because you were sounding awfully cheerful there talking about it.
Naw man, that stuff's nuts! 
You know I don't smoke.
Alright, just checking.
Look, I know I like to set fire to things, but smoking's like setting fire to yourself.
That's silly. 
You're pretty silly sometimes, Mike.

Nooonzaaah...
I'm asking 'cuz I've had my lunch stolen for the third time now.
It wasn't even that special this time, just a grilled cheese sandwich.
I am mighty tiger!
What?
Well the reason I'm still pissed about this is that the last time they ate my ENTIRE BAG of chocolate chip cookies!
Now those tasted GOOD...
You know, those Pepperidge Farm ones?
I am ninja!
Heh... yeah, funny.
[breathes deeply]
- I just can't get my mind around this.
I mean who the hell steals food from the people they work with!
?
Like a raccoon!
Whooping crane!
- [sighs in disgust]
Whoop!
Whoop!
Whoop!
- You know, considering the times when it's happened...
Whoop!
- I think it must be one of those punks from D-Sector.
Whoop!
Whoop!
Whoop!
- What are you doing?
Whoop.
I am a ninja!
And I'm a ballerina!
Come on, knock it off.
You've been watching too many cartoons or... something...
Do not MOCK the ninja.
Hiyaaa!
Look...
I know this job gets boring... and I'm sure acting like a ninja
- Ninja!
is more fun than standing here counting the pigeons.
But you know as well as I do that Internal Affairs has been doing surprise checks lately.
- Wa jah-sha!
The LAST thing we need is them writing up your karate moves in the n- 
- Ninja moves!
Come on, grow up.
Just cut it out so we don't get in trouble, okay?
[starts making a flurry of high pitched nonsensical noises] [continues loud noises]
What the hell is wrong with you?
Wiyah-jhaw... wuyaa!
There must be half a dozen cameras around here!
- WHUA!
You're gonna get us another citation!
Wooaaa... [starts muttering more nonsense sounds] [makes louder sounds]
- Come on! 
Dave!
- Leave these people alone!
- They're just on their way to work!
Wahcheechuchacheechochacheechuwa!
Jesus, do we have to go through this EVERY FRIDAY?
Where you act like a retard, and I have to finish my shift with you?
[continues "ninja" noises]
- I don't BELIEVE this!
- This is so unprofessional!
Yeeeee-ah!
- [shouts] DAVE!
Wi-yi-yah!
Wiyiyaz-JA!
[screams] DAAAAVE!
- ji-how...
STOPPP ITTT!
- Woo-haaah-YA!
What the hell are you trying to do to us?
We can't get in trouble again!
We've already got a previous susp- 
- WUUAAAA!
Alright, that's it.
[groans] [more groans]
- That's right!
That metal helmet of yours conducts electricity pretty good, doesn't it!
- [continues groaning]
- [sighs]
- You're an IDIOT, Dave.
Uh-oh.
[groaning]
- Uh...
- Nothing to see here folks...
- Move along.

This is SO stupid!
Come on man! 
This is gonna be awesome!
Yeah, well I don't think of dying as being very awesome.
You'll be fine, I have it all worked out.
I have the perfect spot to jump off.
Dave! 
Are you out of your damn mind?
! 
Don't do it!
Why not?
Because you'll get killed, you nutjob!
Huh?
That apparently doesn't bother you any, but I'll feel terrible if that happens.
Especially if it's because of some brain-dead whimsy of yours.
Plus, I don't wanna fill out three hundred paged of paperwork trying to explain this.
If I say that my partner, out of the blue, decided it would be a fun idea to kill himself right in front of me that's not gonna sound too good. 
In fact, that'll sound REALLY BAD!
So are you coming, or what?
No, you crazy bastard!
Wuss!
Lunatic!
Dude, this is YOUR LOSS.
*train horn*
Come on, I can hear it coming, let's go.
No!
Fine then. 
I'll meet you back here.
Enjoy watching...
Wuss.
Yeah!
Jesus...
You're crazy.
You say that, but you ain't listening' to what I'm sayin'.
The POINT IS that you can't--
WHOOOOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO!
-What?
What the hell...?
Woohoo!
[thinking] Oh this is great. 
It's gonna be dark soon, and Dave's still not back yet.
[thinking] Good job, Mike!
You get to tell Command that your partner's missing [thinking] because he decided to jump off a bridge and go train surfing.
[thinking] Like anyone's going to believe that.
[thinking] Hey, wait a minute, what if he's dead?
[thinking] He could have slipped and got caught under the tracks.
[thinking] They'll want my badge for allowing this to happen.
[thinking] Or worse yet, think that I killed him and press charges.
[clears throat] [thinking] They could hang me for that.
[thinking] Jesus, maybe I shoulda jumped.
[thinking] It would have been quicker than waiting for the noose.
Mike!
Dave! 
You're not dead!
Dude!
I TOLD you it was gonna work!
Well I stand corrected!
Well, you still have a chance to redeem yourself.
The 8:15 should be along here any minute now.
Whoa, now wait a minute...
Oh COME ON, man!
Damnit Dave, we don't have time to be taking joyrides!
We're supposed to be on patrol, remember?
Oh yeah? 
Well I think I've covered a lot more ground than you have.
[exasperated] Aarhhh...
Tell you what; you jump with me, and I'll buy lunch all of next week.
Hey wait, are you serious? 
All of next week?
Yeah.
*train horn*
Well?
Fine, you're on.
But I want some Chinese food next week.
Some Kung Pao chicken or something...
Alright, let's do this!
Moo goo gai pan...
Sweet and sour pork...
Just follow my lead.
Here we go!
Teriyaki...
Mike! 
You oka-- [groaning and sobbing]
That was STUPID!
[groaning and sobbing] [deep breaths] DAVE!
I'm never listening to you again!
[sobbing]

Dave, I shouldn't even have to explain this.
We're uniformed officers on duty.
That means dumpster diving is not cool.
In FACT, it wouldn't be cool even if we were OFF duty.
SO GET OUTTA THERE!
Hold on, I've almost got it!
Just hurry up before anyone sees you.
Got it!
Got what?
You'll see!
This better not be a dead cat.
Better!
[sighs]
I'm glad I can't smell you through this mask.
I found a radio!
Hey, really?
Does it work?
I think so, I got the power to come on.
Well let's hear it!
[Radio] Let me remind all citizens of the dangers of magical thinking.
Ah, not more of this crap... [radio voice continues]
Try another station.
See if you can get some music.
[Radio] Black Mesa East to station 6. 
Do you read?
[Radio] OFFICER DOWN, REQUEST ALL UNITS, CODE 3 TO MY C- [static]
Hey, there we go.
[electronic music] [music] Fat people not good.
[music] Fat people not good.
[pig squealing] [music] Fat people not good.
What the- [music] Fat people not, not good.
Are they saying... "Fat people... not good"?
[music] Fat people not good.
[music] Fat people not good.
[music] Fat people not good.
Ok turn it off. 
This is just weird.
[music] Fat people not good.
[music] Fat people not good. 
Fat people-
Well that was a disappointment.
Yeah...
Man, radio kinda sucks now that the aliens have taken over.
You mean... the Combine.
No... the OTHER aliens that took over the Earth and conquered the human race.
Come on, it's not like the Combine are the only aliens here now.
Yeah, but how many alien races have taken over THE EARTH?
Uh...
Heidy-ho! 
Kermit dee Frog here!
Today's Sesame Street on alien invasions is brought to you by the number "one"
Mike quit being a smartass!
If you meant the Combine, why didn't you just say:
"the Combine"?
Because it's a stupid name.
I mean it's a verb for crying out loud!
Aliens aren't verbs, they're nouns!
Actually I think it's also the name for some kind of farm equipment.
Like a thresher or something.
That's even worse!
Now we have a word that can mean to mix things together, a piece of farm equipment, and lets see... oh yeah that's right.
It can also mean the most advanced form of life in the known universe.
So?
SO?
Come on man!
They're ALIENS!
We didn't even know they EXISTED until they dropped in to invade us a few years ago.
I mean their real names are the Glarksehglor-
Glorkseh...gu-
Something I can't pronounce.
So we're the ones who gave 'em a new name.
And you're telling me "the Combine" is the best we can come up with?
They should have their own names!
Like Gargs or Yorps or something.
Yorps?
Well it doesn't have to be that!
It's just off the top of my head.
Hey! 
Ooh! 
Ah! 
Okay, look.
This is a perfect example of what I'm talking about.
Now we named these aliens RIGHT!
We call them THE VORTIGAUNTS...
Now how cool is that?
Is that cool?
Or is THAT COOL?
I gu-
I think it's cool.
I... guess.
Here, let's ask him.
[shouts] HEY BUDDY!
YEAH, YOU!
COME OVER HERE A MINUTE!
Aw hell... [coughs]
I didn't do nuthin' officer.
Huh?
Oh, you're not in trouble.
I just have a question for you.
I ain't seen nuthin' neither!
Do you think the Combine is a dumb name for an alien race?
I mean you guys have cool names.
I don't know.
I was just goin' down to the store to get some beer.
Damn! 
This early in the morning?
Uhh...
I got an I.D.!
Ah forget it. 
Just get outta here.
O-kay officer.
We have TOOTHPASTE that's- [talking fades away]
That was close.
You guys just don't get it.
You're just thinking about it too much.
Oh! 
And what are you thinkin' about, SOCRATES?
Well NOW, you got me thinking about the Combine.
Yeah, and how they need a better name right?
No!
I mean if we should really be working for them.
I don't see why not.
If you can't beat 'em join 'em!
Besides, with our job skills what's the alternative?
Garbage collector?
Well, we could always join the rebels.
Oh please. 
The rebels are idiots.
What makes you say that?
Because they're all heart and no brain.
If you look at the big picture, they may as well be fighting the aliens with Nerfball guns.
Oh it can't be that bad.
They wouldn't be fighting if they didn't think they had a chance.
I understand where they're coming from.
Nobody's holding hands and singing "Joy to The World"
since the aliens showed up and KICKED OUR ASS.
But let's look at the facts.
The aliens conquered us in a matter of HOURS.
The ENTIRE PLANET.
Isn't that what we call the invasion now,
The Seven Hour War?
You know why?
Because it lasted seven-
Because it lasted seven hours!
That's why!
Most people are at work longer than that.
That means that in less time than it takes for Joe Average to clock in and clock out at the office... the aliens conquered the whole Earth, whereas all Joe did was make some spreadsheets.
Well that's because they caught us off guard.
Okay, let's say we were READY for them.
Then what?
We'd call it "The 10 Hour War"?
They tore into us like a pack of wolves!
The rebels just aren't doing the math on this.
Look, who has more fighters?
The rebels or the aliens?
The aliens.
Who has more resources?
The aliens.
Who has WAY better technology?
Yeah, I see your point.
Hey, I got a stupid question.
What's that?
What do the Combine look like anyway?
You know, I'm not sure either.
That's how good they are.
It's not like they showed up THEMSELVES to conquer the Earth.
No.
They were kickin' it back at their homeworld, sippin' alien martinis.
While they sent ANOTHER alien race they had ALREADY CONQUERED, to come conquer us FOR THEM.
Now that's just slick.
Wow, and now we're working for them.
Yeah. 
It's the pyramid scheme from Hell.
So, you still wanna join the rebels?
Maybe not.
You're making them sound stupid.
Yeah, well...
I think cows are stupid too.
But does that make them stupid?
Yeah, wait a minute...
What?
Forget it.
Just think about things before you go and-
Hey.
Check it out.
What?
Another pigeon.
Sweet.
It's my turn isn't it?
Yeah, think so.
You see anybody coming?
Nah, think you're good.
Okay, pigeon.
You're mine.
Ready, aim...
Oh my God look out!
Ahh!
You ASS!
Ha ha, you suck.
Here, let me show you how it's done.
Damn!
How'd you get to be such a good shot?
Just lots of time down at the range.
I find its easier if you tape people's faces over the targets.
Hell, I've even used YOURS a couple of times.
I usually blow out the face of the target though,
So...
I just bring them home and draw smiley faces in the gaps, and use it to decorate my apartment.
Thanks for sharing that, Dave.
It's good to know you're not PSYCHO or anything.
[Imitates gunshot sounds]
Hey, do you hear that?
Yeah. 
That's me, silly.
No... that deeper sound.
[Whale-like howling sound]
I uh... think we've got a problem.
What do you think it wants?
I... don't know...
Why is it just staring at us?
I don't know either.
Hehe. 
Hey, I dare you to shoot it.
No I'm not gonna shoot it!
Chicken!
bok bok bok bok ba-kok!
[LOUD GROWL]
Hey Dave, here's a better idea:
How about YOU shoot it and I'll run away and hide!
Bok, ba-kok!
Maybe we shouldn't have shot the pigeon.
Excuse me,
"I" shot the pigeon.
YOU shot up those windows over there you lunatic.
I wouldn't if you hadn't scared me!
Oh quit complaining.
This thing is probably gonna to kill you anyway.
Hey, if it kills me it's gonna kill you too!
I don't know why you sound so calm about this!
Of course it won't!
Big... alien... robot... things... love me.
I mean look at him.
He's just a big friendly guy!
Dave this isn't a stray dog.
I shall call you Simba.
[whistles theme from Close Encounters of The 3rd Kind]
What's that?
An alien greeting.
Wait... no its not!
That's from a movie!
That's not gonna help us!
Of course it will!
Simba understands what I'm saying.
Isn't that right Simba?
Watch.
[whistles]
Alright.
I'm gonna start walking away slowly.
If you want to do your snake charming routine there, knock yourself out.
[pavement breaking]
Okay, maybe not.
[Whistles]
[Finishes last two notes of theme]
Ha ha!
HEY LOOK OUT
IT'S GONNA-
WAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa!
Oops.
[shouting] MIKE, YOU OKAY?
Now that wasn't very nice.
Bad Simba!
[moaning sound] [shouting] MIIIKE?
[strained voice] DAVE!
[shouting] YEAH?
YOU'RE DEAD
AS SOON AS I CAN WALK AGAIN!
["Simba" repeats last two notes again]
Quiet, Simba.

So is it on?
Yeah, start whenever you're ready.
It's recording from that camera up there.
Alright!
Hey folks. 
I'm Mike, this is my partner Dave.
Hey!
We're part of your local Civil Protection team and with Halloween coming up, we're here to talk to you about some safety issues.
That's right!
Now, the first thing we'd like to cover is vandalism.
It always goes up around Halloween because young people are out causing trouble and there's only so much we can do about it.
But there's one thing we'd really like to focus on, and that's mailbox bombs.
Not only are these illegal, but they're simply dangerous.
Yeah, Mike's not kidding.
You can get your hands blown off if you do it wrong and don't know the stress levels of the container you're using.
That too.
It's a felony, you're destroying government property, just don't do it.
Oh yeah, and what you especially shouldn't do is take a 2 liter bottle of chlorine that contains sodium hypochlorate and then mix it with some sugar and water, because then you're just asking for trouble.
Uh... yeah, that's not a bad point but, uh... maybe we should, y'know, not tell 'em how to make bombs in the first place?
I don't think that's what the sergeant had in mind when he asked us to make this video.
Well we don't want anybody making one by accident.
I don't think that's likely. 
But uh... moving along...
One thing we need to mention- if you go trick-or-treating, great.
But if you go to anybody's house where they answer the door naked, please call us immediately.
Now, you may think that they're just playing a joke or acting a little weird, but no.
It never amounts to anything good.
We find that's usually just the tip of the iceberg with these people.
Oh, man! 
Like the Arbuckle residence?
Where we went in the basement and found those three dead t-
Shut up Dave!
Okay, next item is fireworks.
Now, you wouldn't think that this would be an issue around this time of year, but we definitely get some related injuries, so be careful.
Yeah, and keep it reasonable, guys.
'Cause if you dissolve Styrofoam in gasoline, then you have napalm and then there's no end to the kind of hell you can raise with that stuff.
Man, what are you doing?
What?
You just told them how to make napalm!
I didn't even know how to do that!
Well it's bad news!
If that stuff gets on you while it's burning, it's NOT coming off.
So then why tell them how to make it, genius?
Don't give me your crap!
This is a lot better than YOUR idea about werewolf attack prevention!
But that's important!
Hey, we're still recording guys.
Mike, that's retarded.
Hey SHUT UP!
My cousin got bit a few years ago by-- [Pounding at door]
Oh what now?
!
Now we HAVE to start over!
Damnit, we're never gonna finish this thing!
[Pounding continues]
I thought you said nobody was supposed to be coming in here!
They're not. 
We have permission to be here, it's scheduled and everything.
Yeah we hear you! 
Just hold on a minute!
[Pounding gets louder] Do you hear this crap? 
Who the hell is this?
!
If this is some drunk, I'm arresting them.
I don't care how much it delays the end of my shift.
Okay, OKAY! 
What's so friggin' importan-
[Crash] [Zombie Roars]
What is that?
!
Get down!
[Gunshots] [Zombies Scream]
What's going on?
!
[Dave grunts] [Chairs clatter]
[Camera man screams]
[Zombie sounds continue]

Female.
They're on their way.
You go. 
I'll pick Alex up and meet you at home.
Origins of Gender by N. Kraken
- Hello.
- Hello.
You haven't changed.
Hello, Ramiro.
Look at you, all grown up.
Okay.
-Did you get everytting?
-Yes.
Ramiro's reading the book.
I haven't spoken with Kraken.
Why not?
I'll find the time today.
Ramiro didn't tell anybody, did he?
No, he didn't. 
Don't worry.
He's discreet.
NO ENTRY
Look at this place, it's paradise.
Alvaro!
See how big he is?
You don't remember me.
He was too young. 
Come on.
Hello! 
How are you?
Welcome.
Let me get that.
Thanks.
- How was the trip?
- Good.
Come in.
Alvaro, come, it's here.
Alex likes to take a nap on this couch.
It's cool in here.
You'll share the bathroom.
To give your parents some privacy.
-What's this?
-Homeopatty.
That one is for people who're afraid of being hurt.
The fear of getting turt.
Hi.
You just had a wank.
- Wtat?
- There in your room.
How do you know?
I can tell.
Do you jerk off too?
Every day.
I'd never been to Uruguay.
We're talking about jerking off, not Uruguay?
How old are you?
Fifteen.
I've never fucked anybody.
Would you like to?
With wtom?
With me.
With you?
Alvaro do you want some?
- I'm a vegetarian.
- Seriously?
He won't touch a thing.
I don't like trying anything new.
Hi, honey!
This is Alex. 
Erika...
Hello!
-Ramiro.
-Hello.
You two have met, right?
Your mum used to say she'd have four daughters.
We'd call her a "Desperate Housewife".
So the desperate housewife got scared along the way...
-Do you go to school?
-I used to.
What do you mean "used to"?
I'm getting expelled on Monday.
What happened?
I punched Vando. 
I broke his nose.
Why? 
What happened?
Who's Vando?
Her best friend.
Friend or boyfriend?
You don't do that to a friend.
When will she speak to him?
She said tomorrow.
"ln all vertebrates, including tte human being,
"the female sex is dominant
"in an evolutionary and embryological sense. "
We should arrange to meet Vando's parents to apologize.
Apologize? 
Us?
For breaking ttat asshole's nose?
It's them who should apologize.
He's Alex's best friend.
Was.
Why didn't you tell me he's a surgeon?
He's tte best.
Says who? 
Him?
No. 
I did some research.
Research?
Since when?
I'm not the enemy.
She's not taking them anymore...
Did you know?
No. 
I didn't.
-Do you like it?
-What?
My house.
Yes.
Don't lie to me.
Do you like cutting people up?
It's my job.
Alex!
-Hurry up!
-Do you read me, Kraken?
They're taking the turtles to the port.
-Where are they?
-10 miles offshore.
I'm on my way.
-Can I come?
-C I imb in.
One of them lost a front fl i pper.
-Where did they show up?
-1 0 miles offstore.
They were following a shoal of sprats.
They were in the water for 20 hours.
Caught in a net.
Poor ttings.
Can you identify them?
Were there others?
My son said there were.
Where are they?
You have something for me?
Nothing.
Are you sure?
Are you a biologist or a cop?
You should come With an apology rather than an attitude.
My son was spitting blood.
She broke his nose.
My wife wants to report it.
She'd better not come round here again.
Wait, Alex.
What are you looking at?
Enough already!
That's it, take her away.
Too many endangered species as it is.
Your son is afraid of my daughter?
-Your son's a traitor.
-Dad.
-I won't allow...
-You won't allow what?
She's capable of breaking his nose again!
Ste's just like me!
Ste's capable of doing it!
Who did you tell?
Just Vando.
If I'm so special Why can't I talk about it?
In the end, our fathers are in the same business.
Will it live?
Yes. 
But it'll never go back to the sea again.
How many boob jobs has your dad done?
I don't know...
You're a freak.
So are you.
I bet he's done thousands.
-Have you ever been?
-Where?
T o surgery. 
To see the butchering.
He doesn't butcher people.
He fixes them.
He does tits and noses for money, but he prefers the other stuff.
Such as?
I don't know, deformities...
Guys born with eleven fingers.
My dad takes off the extra one.
And eats it.
I'm serious. 
It's not a joke.
You said te didn't butcher bodies.
Never mind. 
You don't get it.
Do you like your parents?
They're my parents.
So? 
Do you like them?
I guess.
Thanks.
I feel sorry for mine.
They're always waiting.
Why did you hit him?
He had it coming.
Do you take Argentine pesos?
-Yes.
-How much is it?
18.
He pays.
Here you are.
-Enjoy it.
-Thanks.
When you listen to music in the street, everyone seems to be listening to the same tune...
-Wtat's up?
-Here's a present.
-For me?
-Yeah.
Look.
It's a tag ttey put on the turtles.
I've got one too.
What's it for?
To follow their migratory routes.
These two are from tte same family.
Where's this one from?
Africa.
Cool.
It's cool. 
Thanks.
You're not Wearing it?
Maybe later...
You don't like it?
Well, I'm not sure. 
I'll see.
Careful with that.
-What is it?
-Corticoid.
So I don't grow a beard.
Good morning.
Perhaps I can help you.
With wtat?
T o speak with him.
To explain what we'd do to her.
Shall we go?
We'll be right back.
What is it?
A rare species. 
Don't touch it.
What do you know about the species in my house?
Stop the car.
I'm sure this was the spot.
Ttis is where I got pregnant with Alex.
We still lived in Buenos Aires.
I was afraid somebody Would see us...
I was worried somebody would drive by and see us.
It's ridiculous.
What is?
Being worried about what other people ttink.
They'd ask:
"ls it a boy or a girl?"
It's tte first thing they ask in the clinic.
When did she stop the corticoid?
Two weeks ago.
You know what will happen?
What?
She'll masculinize.
Everything will change.
Her body, her cycles.
She'll stop developing as a woman.
Ttat's enough.
Have you thought about what I said?
I'm not having sex with you.
Why not?
Because you're too young.
So what?
And we've only just met.
That's why! 
I'll never fall for somebody like you.
Nor I for you.
You say you're older ttan me but you repeat every word I say...
You're not normal.
You're different and you know it.
Why do people stare at you?
Why? 
What's wrong with you?
Stay.
Come here.
-I don't tave anything.
-I like it.
Sex Change For Boy Authorized
At 18, Scherer Starts the Journey From Woman to Man
We can start if you want.
What about the chi ld ren?
He must be with Alex.
Sweetheart?
Here he is.
-What happened to you?
-It's pouri ng.
Poor darling.
Get changed and come eat.
What's wrong?
Nothin'.
Give me your plate.
"No'in"?
What's "no'in"?
Leave him alone.
I want to know what's wrong.
Sorry I'm late.
She's not feeling Well.
Anything Wrong?
Nothing.
Can I see?
See how well my son draws.
-I don't drink.
-Yes, you will. 
You're old enough.
It won't hurt him.
Go on, drink up.
Don't drink if you don't want to.
I really don't mind...
I can't stand bullying.
-It's not a big deal.
-Yes, it is a big deal.
We moved to be far away from certain kinds of people.
And now, we're all sitting round the same table.
Oh yes...
Give it to me baby!
Take this and this!
Again! 
Again!
Here, yes!
You've done it already.
How d'you know?
I can tell.
With my cousin.
Five times.
I didn't want to, at first.
I didn't like it.
He said We weren't going all the way, just half Way.
We ended up going all the way.
It didn't hurt much.
Put this on, Alex.
I'll put the spare mattress here.
On the floor.
Or Alex goes home.
Go to sleep, it's late.
Give it to me baby...
I have a special bottle of liquor.
I'm going to bed.
We're all going to sleep.
Don't. 
I'll be right back.
What's the matter?
-I found them together.
-Who?
Alex and Alvaro.
What do you mean?
Together.
-Doing what?
-I don't know, I walked away.
On top...
-What?
-She Was on top.
I don't understand...
She was banging the boy through his ass. 
Clear enougt?
It was bound to happen.
Ttat's enough, Kraken.
We knew this Would happen.
She can't stay a woman.
-What do you mean "normal"?
-What?
-You said normal.
-I didn't say anything.
Don't build your hopes up.
She'll never be a woman, even if a surgeon cuts off what she doesn't need.
When did you tell ttem?
That's why they're here?
I just wanted them to meet her.
I'm not crazy.
You talk to him.
What if she Wants to?
Fill it up?
Sorry.
What do you want?
Are you a doctor?
A journalist?
I have a daughter, a son...
I've seen you before.
You've been here before, right?
I don't usually drink, but... it'll do us both good.
Your son?
Adopted.
We're doing the paperwork to adopt a girl.
The perfect family.
How old is Alex?
Fifteen.
Want to see me at her age?
If you don't mind.
That's me at 1 2.
Keep it. 
Give it to Alex.
Did you always know?
That I Wasn't a woman?
I still wonder how it all would've been without the operation.
How was your transformation... from woman to man?
When I was 1 6,
I started taking testosterone.
At 17, I had surgery.
That same year, I changed my name.
I met my wife six months later.
The rest of my life is sleeping in that bed...
What if I got it all wrong?
By letting her choose?
Do you know what my earliest memories are?
Medical examinations.
I thought I was so horrible when I was born that I had to have five operations before my first birthday.
That's what ttey call "normalization".
It's not surgery. 
It's castration.
Making her afraid of her own body is the worst thing you can do to your child.
What are you doing?
You're looking at me differently...
You're older.
Then, you could've told me Why these people came to visit.
I didn't know.
Are you coming with me?
No, I want to walk for a while.
I don't understand.
-You're not...
-I'm both.
But that's impossible.
You tell me what is and isn't possible?
But do you like guys or girls?
I don't know.
Sorry about what I did to you.
You didn't do anything.
I'm not upset...
I liked it.
Really?
So did I.
You did?
Then let's finish it.
We didn't finist it...
Never With you.
-Why?
-I want something else.
I want something else too!
Oh, yeah? 
What do you Want?
What do you want?
-lt'll be our secret.
-Liar.
-I won't tell anybody!
-Get off!
Go! 
Tell everybody I'm a monster!
Where's Alex?
What are you doing here?
-I told you not to come here.
-Where is she?
Beat it, Vando.
Your father's in real trouble.
Wait up!
Come on.
Come over here.
Don't worry.
Calm down.
We're not going to hurt you.
Take it easy.
Let go of me! 
Please!
Hold ter down. 
Hold her.
Bitch!
Take it easy, stay still.
Hold her still.
It's alright, I just want to see.
Let me see What you've got down there!
What have you got down there?
What have you got?
What have you got?
We're not hurting you.
It's a prick.
-No way.
-She's got both.
-Does it get hard?
-I told you it wasn't bullshit.
She's got everything.
-It's gross.
-No way, its great.
Do you get hard?
-Let me see...
-Do you get hard?
Answer him!
I want to see if you get tard.
Let go of her!
Get out of tere, asshole!
-We didn't do anything...
-Beat it!
Beat it!
-Does it hurt?
-No.
Did ttey hurt you anywhere else?
I'll take her to the hospital.
I don't want anyone to touch her.
-lt'll be alright.
-lt won't be alright.
Come here.
Let go of me.
Stay away from my daughter!
Enough!
You'll kill him!
Enough? 
You say it's enough?
You're just like them. 
Worse.
Stay away from my son...
Just agree to the surgery.
It's not too late.
You can't hide her for the rest of her life.
Hide her?
You think she's a freak.
We came here to stop hearing every idiot's opinion.
I've had enough.
Enough pills, enough operations, enough changing schools.
I want things to stay the same.
She was diagnosed 2 months before being born.
They wanted to film the birth for "medical interest"
and to present the case to the ethics council.
We said no, to all of it.
Alex was born blue.
She took 40 seconds to start breathing.
Then, they Wanted to operate.
They said the only after-effect would be the scar.
Suli was scared.
I convinced her not to do anything.
She was perfect.
From the moment I set eyes on her.
Perfect.
Forget her.
She's too muct for you.
I can't leave yet.
I want to speak to him.
We have to leave.
Go fetch your son.
You'll catch a cold.
May I?
I thought you didn't drink.
You told me I have to drink...
Do you like me?
You're my son.
Let's cut tte crap and talk seriously.
Kind of.
What about me? 
Do you like me?
Do you like what I do?
I'd give anything to have your talent.
And... me... am I talented?
Do you think one day...
-Do you think that...
-No, I don't.
I just don't get it.
It wasn't always this Way.
What way?
When did you stop taking an interest in me?
It was a bad idea to come.
Your mother is right.
We're leaving.
-When?
-Now. 
At dawn.
No. 
I can't leave yet.
Why not?
Do you like Alex?
Finally good news.
I was afraid you were a fag.
What are you doing?
Looking after you.
You can't look after me for ever.
Until you can ctoose.
What?
Wtatever you want.
What if there isn't a decision to make?
I've finished it.
Did they hurt you?
Did you go to the police?
That's your decision.
We'll press ctarges if you want, but it's your decision.
Everybody'll find out.
Let them.
Have a good trip.
I'll be right back.
Will I see you again?
I don't think so.
Look.
I never imagined I'd fall for someone like you.
But it happened.
Me too.
You're after something else.
What do you regret the most?
Not seeing me again, or not having seen it?
Do you want to see?
Hurry up, we'll miss the ship.

- Female.
- They're on their way.
You go. 
I'll pick up Alex and meet you at home.
- Hello.
- Hello.
You haven't changed.
Hello Ramiro.
Hello.
Look at you, all grown up.
- Okay. 
Did you get everything?
- Yes, Ramiro's reading the book.
- I haven't spoken with Kraken.
- Why not?
I'll find the time today.
Ramiro didn't tell anybody, did he?
No, he didn't. 
Don't worry.
He's discreet.
Look at this place. 
It's paradise!
Álvaro!
See how big he is.
- Hello.
- Hi.
You don't remember me.
- He was too young. 
Come on.
Hello, how are you?
Welcome.
- Let me get that.
- Thanks.
Álvaro, come, it's here.
Alex likes to take a nap on this couch. 
It's cool here.
You'll share the bathroom.
To give your parents some privacy.
- What's this?
- Homeopathy.
That one is for people who're afraid of being hurt...
The fear of getting hurt.
Hi.
Hi.
- You just had a wank.
- What?
- There in your room.
- How do you know?
- I can tell.
- Do you jerk off too?
Every day.
I'd never been to Uruguay.
We're talking about jerking off, not Uruguay?
- How old are you?
- Fifteen.
I've never fucked anybody.
Would you like too?
- With whom?
- With me.
With you?
- Alvaro, you want some?
- No, I'm vegetarian.
- Are you serious?
- He won't touch a thing.
I don't like trying anything new.
Hi honey!
Hi.
This is Alex. 
Erica...
Hello?
- Ramiro.
- Hello.
- You two have met, right?
- No.
Álvaro, Alex.
Your mum used to say she'd have four daughters.
We'd call her a 'Desperate Housewife'.
So the desperate housewife got scared along the way..
- Do you go to school?
- I used to.
- What do you mean 'used to'?
- I'm getting expelled on Monday.
- What happened?
- I punched Vando. 
I broke his nose.
Why what happened?
- Who is Vando?
- Her best friend.
Friend or boyfriend?
You don't do that to a friend.
- When will she speak to him?
- She said tomorrow.
"In all vertebrates, including the human being... the female sex is dominant in an evolutionary and embryological sense."
We should arrange to meet Vando's parents.
To apologize.
To apologize? 
Us?
For breaking that asshole's nose?
It's them who should apologize.
- He's Alex best friend.
- Was.
Why didn't you tell me he's a surgeon?
- He's the best.
- Says who? 
him?
- No, I did some research.
- Research?
Since when?
- I'm not the enemy.
- No?
No.
She's not taking them anymore.
Did you know?
No, I didn't.
- Do you like it?
- What?
My house.
Yes.
Don't lie to me.
Do you like cutting people up?
It's my job.
Alex.
Hurry up!
Do you read me, Kraken
They're taking the turtles to the port.
- Where are they?
- 10 miles offshore.
I'm on my way.
- Can I come?
- Climb in.
One of them lost a front flipper.
- Where did they show up?
- 10 miles offshore.
They were following a shoal of sprats.
They were in the water for 20 hours... caught in a net.
Poor things.
- Can you identify them?
- Yes.
- Where are the others?
- My son said there were.
Where are they?
You have something for me, Esteban?
Nothing.
- Are you sure?
- Are you a biologist or a cop?
You should come with an apology rather than an attitude.
My son was spitting blood.
She broke his nose..
My wife wants to report it.
She'd better not come round here again.
Wait, Alex.
Alex.
What are you looking at?
Enough already.
That's it, take her away.
Too many endagered species as it is.
Your son is afraid of my daughter?
- Your son is a traitor.
- Dad.
- I won't allow...
- You won't allow what?
She's capable of breaking his nose again!
She's just like me!
She's capable of doing it! 
- Who did you tell?
- Just Vando.
If I'm so special why can't I talk about it?
In the end, our fathers are in the same business.
- Will it live?
- Yes, but it'll never go back to ocean.
- How many boob-jobs has your dad done?
- I don't know.
- You're a freak.
- So are you.
- I bet he's done thousands.
- yes.
- Have you ever been?
- Where?
To surgery. 
To see the butchering.
He doesn't butcher people, he fixes them.
He does tits and noses for money but he prefers the other stuff.
- Such as?
- I don't know, deformities...
Guys born with eleven fingers.
- My dad takes off the extra one.
- And eats it.
I'm serious. 
It's not a joke.
You said he didn't butcher bodies.
Nevermind. 
You don't get it.
Do you like your parents?
They're my parents.
So? 
Do you like them?
I guess so.
Thanks.
I feel sorry for mine.
They're always waiting.
- Why did you hit him?
- He had it coming.
- Do you take Argentine pesos?
- Yes.
- How much is it?
- 7 pesos.
He pays.
Here you are.
- Enjoy it.
- Thanks.
When you listen to music in the street..
What?
Everyone seems to be listening to the same tune.
- Whats up?
- Here's a present.
- For me?
- Yes.
Look. 
It's a tag they put on the turtles.
- I've got one too.
- What is it for?
To follow their migratory routes.
These two are from the same family.
- Where's this one from?
- África.
Cool. 
It's cool. 
Thanks.
- You're not wearing it?
- Maybe later.
You don't like it?
Well, I'm not sure. 
I'll see.
- Careful with that.
- What is it?
Corticoid.
So I don't grow a beard.
- Good morning.
- Perhaps I can help you.
- With what?
To speak with him.
To explain what we'do to her..
- Shall we go?
We'll be right back.
- What is it?
- A rare species. 
Don't touch it.
What do you know about the species in my house?
Stop the car.
I'm sure this was the spot.
This is where I got pregnant with Alex.
We still lived in Buenos Aires.
I was afraid somebody would see us.
I was worried somebody would drive by and see us.
- It's ridiculous.
- What is?
Being worried about what other people think.
They'd ask:
'Is it a boy or a girl'.
It's the first thing they ask in the clinic.
When did she stop the corticoid?
Two weeks ago.
You know what will happen?
- What?
- She'll masculinize.
Everything will change.
Her body, her cycles.
She'll stop developing as a woman.
That's enough.
- Have you thought about what I said?
- I'm not having sex with you.
- Why not?
- Because you're too young.
- So what?
- And we've only just met.
That's why I'll never fell for somebody like you.
Not I for you.
You say you're older than me but you repeat every word I say...
You're not normal.
You're different and you know it.
Why do people stare at you?
Why? 
What's wrong with you?
Stay.
Come here.
- I don't have anything.
- I like it.
Sex Change For Boy Authorised
At 18, Scherer Starts the Journey From Woman to Man
We can start if you want.
What about the children?
Álvaro?
He must be with Alex.
Alex.
Sweetheart.
- Here he is. 
What happened?
- It's pouring.
Poor darling.
Get changed and come eat.
- What's wrong?
- Nothin'.
Give me your plate?
Nothin'? 
What's nothin'?
- Leave him alone.
- I want to know what's wrong.
Sorry I'm late.
- Alex?
- She's not feeling well.
- Anything wrong?
- Nothing.
- Can I see?
- Yes.
- See how well my son drows.
I don't drink.
Tonight you will. 
You're old enough.
Ramiro!
It wont hurt him
Drink up
Don't drink, if you don't want to.
- It's not a big deal.
- Yes, it is a big deal.
- It's not.
- Yes it is.
We moved to be away from certain kinds of people.
And now we're all sitting round the same table.
O yes... 
Give it to me baby.
Take this and this.
Again, again.
- You've done it already.
- How d'you know?
I can tell.
With my cousin.
Five times.
I didn't want to at first.
I didn't like it.
He said we weren't going all the way.
Just half way.
We ended up going all the way
It didn't hurt much.
Put this on Alex.
I'll put the spare matress here.
On the floor.
Or Alex goes home.
Go to sleep, it's late.
Give it to me baby...
I have a special bottle of liquor.
I'm going to bed.
We're all going to bed.
Don't. 
I'll be right back.
- What's the matter?
- I found them together.
- Who?
- Alex and Álvaro.
- What do you mean?
- Together.
- Doing what?
- Don't know, I walked away... 
On top
- What?
- She was on top.
I don't understand.
She was fucking the boy up the ass.
Clear enough?
It was bound to happen.
That's enough, Kraken.
We knew this would happen.
She can't stay a woman.
What do you mean 'normal'?
- What?
- You said normal.
I didn't say anything.
Don't build your hopes up.
She'll never be a woman, even if a surgeon cuts off what she doesn't need.
When did you tell them?
That's why they're here?
I just wanted them to meet her.
I'm not crazy.
You talk to him.
What if she wants to?
Sorry.
- What do you want? 
Are you a doctor?
- No.
A journalist?
I have a daughter. 
A son...
I've seen you before.
You've been here before, right?
Yes.
I don't usually drink but it will do us both good.
Your son?
Adopted.
We're doing the paperwork to adopt a girl.
The perfect family.
- How old is Alex?
- 15.
Want to see me at her age?
If you don't mind...
That's me at 12.
Keep it.
Give it to Alex.
- Did you always know?
- That I wasn't a woman?
I still wonder how my life would've been without the operation.
How was your transformation from man to woman ?
When I was 16 I started taking testosterone
At 17 I had surgery.
That same year I changed my name...
I met my wife six months later.
The rest of my life is sleeping in that bed.
What if I got it all wrong?
By letting her choose?
Do you know what my earliest memories are?
Medical examinations.
I thought I was so horrible when I was born that I had to have five operations before my first birthday.
That's what they call 'normalization'.
It's not surgery. 
It's castration.
Making her afraid of her own body..
is the worst thing you can do to your child.
What are you doing?
- You're looking at me differently.
- You're older.
Then you could've told me why these people came to visit.
I didn't know.
- Are you coming with me?
- No, I want to walk for a while.
Alex!
Alex.
I don't understand.
- You're not?
- I'm both.
But that's impossible.
You tell me what is and isn't possible?
But do you like boys or girls?
I don't know.
Sorry about what I did to you.
You didn't do anything.
I'm not upset... 
I liked it.
- Really?
- Yes.
- So did I. 
- You did?
- Then let's finish it.
- Never with you!
- Why?
- I want something else.
- I want something else too.
- Oh, yeah? 
What do you want?
What do you want?
- Alex, it'll be our secret.
- Liar.
- I wont tell anybody.
- Get off.
Go tell everybody I'm a monster!
Alex!
Where's Alex?
What are you doing here?
I told you not to come here.
- Where is she?
- Beat it, Vando.
Your father's in real trouble. 
Alex!
Alex!
Wait up
Wait, wait.
Come on
Come on over here.
Don't worry.
Calm down.
We're not going to hurt you.
Take it easy.
Please!
Quiet. 
We're not gonna hurt you.
Calm down
Let me go! 
Please!
Bitch!
Take it easy, stay still!
Take it easy.
- Please let me go.
- It's alright, I just want to see.
Let me see.
Let me see what you've got down there
What have you got?
We're not hurting you
It's a prick.
- No way.
- She's got both!
She's got both.
- It's gross.
- No way, it's great.
Do you get hard?
Let me see.
Do you get hard?
Answer him. 
Do you get hard?
I want to see if it works.
Let go of her!
Get out of here, asshole!
- We didn't do anything.
- Beat it!
Beat it!
- Does it hurt?
- No.
- Did they hurt you elsewhere?
- No!
- I'll take her to the hospital.
- I don't want anyone to touch her.
- Calm down. 
It'll be alright.
- It won't be alright?
Come here.
Let me go!
Stay away from my daughter?
- Enough. 
You'll kill him.
- Enough? 
You say it's enough?
You're just like them. 
Worse!
Stay away from my son...
Just agree to the surgery.
It's not too late.
You can't hide her for the rest of her life.
Hide her?
- You think she's a freak?
- No!
We came here to stop hearing every idiot's opinion.
I've had enough.
I've had enough pills... enough operations.
I want things to stay the same.
She was diagnosed 2 months before being born.
They wanted to film the birth.
For 'medical interest', and to present the case to the ethics council.
We said no, to all of it.
Alex was born blue...
She took 40 seconds to start breathing.
Then, they wanted to operate.
they said the only after-effect... would be the scar.
Suli was scarred.
I convinced her not to do anything.
She was perfect...
From the moment I set eyes on her.
Perfect.
Forget her.
She's too much for you.
I can't leave yet.
I want to speak to him.
We have to leave.
Go fetch your son.
You'll catch a cold.
- May I?
- Yes.
- I thought you didn't drink?
- You told me I have to drink.
- Do you like me?
- You're my son.
Let's cut the crap and talk seriously.
Kind of.
What about me? 
Do you like me?
Do you like what I do?
I'd give anything to have your talent.
And.. 
Me.. am I talented?
No.
Maybe...
Do you think one day?
Do you think that I...
No, I don't.
I don't get it.
It wasn't always this way.
- What way?
- When did I stop interesting you?
It was a bad idea to come.
Your mother is right.
We're leaving
- When?
- Now. 
At dawn.
- No. 
I can't leave yet.
- Why not?
Do you like Alex?
Finally good news.
I was afraid you were a fag.
What are you doing?
Looking after you.
You can't look after me for ever.
Until you can choose.
- What?
- Whatever you want.
What if there isn't a decision to make?
I've finished it.
- Did they hurt you?
- No.
Did you go to the police?
No, that's your decision.
We'll press charges if you want, but it's your decision.
Everybody'll find out.
Let them.
- Have a good trip.
- Thanks.
I'll be right back.
Will I see you again?
I don't think so.
Look.
I never imagined I'd fall for someone like you.
But it happened.
- Me too.
- No.
No?
You're after something else.
No.
What do you regret the most?
Not seeing me again or not having seen it?
Álvaro!
Do you want to see?
Álvaro!
Hurry up, we'll miss the boat.

- Female.
- They're on their way.
You go. 
I'll pick up Alex and meet you at home.
- Hello.
- Hello.
You haven't change.
Hello Ramiro.
Hello.
Look at you all grown up.
- Okay. 
Did you get everything?
- Yes, Ramiro's reading the book.
- I haven't spoken with Kraken.
- Why not?
I'll find the time today.
Ramiro didn't tell anybody, did he?
No he didn't.Don't worry He's discreet.
Look at this place it's paradise!
Álvaro!
See how big he is.
- Hello.
- Hi.
You don't remember me.
- He was too young. 
Come on.
Hello, how are you?
Welcome.
- Let me get that 
- Thanks.
Álvaro, come, it's here.
Alex likes to take a nap on this couch. 
It's cool here.
You'll share the bathroom.
To give your parents some privacy.
- What's this?
- Homeopathy.
That one is for people who're afraid of being hurt...
The fear of getting hurt.
Hi.
Hi.
- You just had a wank .
- What?
- There in your room.
- How do you know?
- I can tell.
- Do you jerk off too?
Every day.
I'd never been to Uruguay.
We're talking about jerking off not Uruguay?
- How old are you?
- Fifteen.
I've never fucked anybody.
Would you like to?
- With whom?
- With me.
With you?
- Alvaro you want some?
- NNo I'm vegetarian.
- Are you serious?
- He wont touch a thing.
I don't like trying anything new.
Hi honey!
Hi.
This is Alex. 
Erica...
Hello?
- Ramiro.
- Hello.
- You two have met right?
- No.
Álvaro, Alex.
Your mum used to say she'd have four daughters.
We'd call her a "Desperate Housewife".
So the desperate housewife got scared along the way..
- Do you go to school?
- I used to.
- What do you mean "used to"?
- I'm getting expelled on Monday.
- What happened?
- I punched Vando. 
I broke his nose.
Why what happened?
- Who is Vando?
- Her best friend.
Friend or boyfriend?
You don't do that to a friend.
- When will she speak to him?
- She said tomorrow.
" In all vertebrates, including the human being... the female sex is dominant in an evolutionary and embryological sense."
We should arrange to meet vando's parents.
To apologize.
To apologize? 
Us?
For breaking that asshole's nose?
It's them who should apologize.
- he's Alex best friend.
- Was.
Why didn't you tell me he's a surgeon?
- He's the best.
- Says who? 
him?
- No I did some research.
- Research?
Since when?
- I'm not the enemy.
- No?
No.
She's not taking them anymore.
Did you know?
No I didn't.
- Do yoy like it?
- What?
My house.
Yes.
Don't lie to me.
Do you like cutting people up?
It's my job.
Alex.
Hurry up!
Do you read me, Kraken
They're taking the turtles to the port.
- Where are they?
- 10 miles offshore.
I'm on my way.
- Can I come?
- Climb in.
One of them lost a front flipper.
- Where did they show up?
- 10 miles offshore.
They were following a shoal of sprats.
They were in the water for 20 hours... caught in a net.
Poor things.
- Can you identify them?
- Yes.
- Where are the others?
- My son said there were.
Where are they?
You have something for me, Esteban?
Nothing.
- Are you sure?
- Are you a biologist or a cop?
You should come with an apology rather than an attitude.
My son was spitting blood.
She broke his nose..
My wife wants to report it.
She'd better not come round here again.
Wait, Alex.
Alex.
What are you looking at?
Enough already.
That's it, take her away.
Too many endagered species as it is.
Your son is afraid of my dayghter?
- Your son is atraitor.
- Dad.
- I won't allow...
- You won't allow what?
She's capable of breaking his nose again!
She's just like me!
She's capable of doing it! 
- Who did you tell?
- Just Vando.
If I'm so special why can't I talk about it?
In the end, our fathers are in the same business.
- Will it live?
- Yes, but it'll never go back to ocean.
- How many boob jobs has your dad done?
- I don't know.
- You're a freak.
- VSo are you.
- I bet he's done thousands.
- yes.
- Have you ever been?
- Where?
To surgery. 
To see the butchering.
He doesn't butcher people he fixes them.
He does tits and noses for money but he prefers the other stuff .
- Such as?
- NI don't know, deformities...
Guys born with eleven fingers.
- My dad takes off the extra one.
- And eats it.
I'm serious. 
It's not a joke.
You said he didn't butcher bodies.
Never mind. 
You don't get it.
Do you like your parents?
They're my parents.
So? 
Do you like them?
I guess so.
Thanks.
I feel sorry for mine.
They're always waiting
- Why did you hit him?
- he had it coming.
- Do you take Argentine pesos?
- Yes.
- How much is it?
- 7 pesos.
He pays.
Here you are.
- Enjiy it.
- Thanks.
When you listen to music in the street..
What?
Everyone seems to be listening to the same tune.
- Whats up?
- Here's a present.
- For me?
- Yes.
Look. 
It's a tag they put on the turtles.
- I've got one too.
- What is it for?
To follow their migratory routes.
These two are from the same family.
- Where's this one from?
- África.
Cool. 
It's cool. 
Thanks.
- You're not wearing it?
- Maybe later.
♫ Alone again, naturally  ♫
♫ To think that only yesterday I was cheerful, bright and gay  ♫
♫ Looking forward to, but who wouldn't do the role I was about to play  ♫
♫ But as if to knock me down, reality came around  ♫
♫ And without so much as a mere touch, count me into little pieces  ♫
♫ Leaving me to doubt talk about God and his mercy  ♫
♫ For if He really does exist, why did he desert me  ♫
♫ In my hour of need? 
I truly am indeed  ♫
♫ Alone again, naturally  ♫
- Oh!
- Oh! 
Baek Soo Jin. 
Hey, hey.
- Hey, good to see you.
- It's been a long time.
Good to see you.
You hav-
- Wait, wait. 
Stay still, wait a second.
Hey, I saw the articles. 
You are pretty successful. 
You even got awards.
Hey, anyway, I was about to contact you.
Why?
So you can treat me out.
How do you get around these days? 
Do you still go clubbing?
Not anymore. 
I'm old now.
Did you settle down?
Soo Jin, I'm living innocently while cultivating my moral sense.
I think my age is going to show.
I think there's something on your sleeve.
What? 
Where?
No, it's nothing. 
You should wash it.
You already know that I'm lazy.
But when I hung out with you, I tried hard. 
I went to every film festival and rock festivals. 
Where did we go? 
When we went to a rock festival but it rained hard.
- Daeboodong.
- Daeboodong.
We even bought corn and shared it because we didn't have money.
We couldn't even get home because we missed the shuttle bus.
You were all wet and you cried that moment.
- Hey. 
Whe-when did I?
- You cried!
You laughed.
But whatever I do,
I don't have as much fun as I did during those times.
Those times were the best.
But, what brings you here? 
Are you meeting someone? 
A man?
So you're meeting a man.
If I am?
I'm proud. 
I thought that you will age and become an old maid.
Hey, I don't know who that guy is, but he should be awarded. 
With a human rights award.
Hey, then, do your business. 
I have an appointment, so I'm going. 
I'll call you.
- You didn't change your number, right?
- You know my number?
Are you kidding? 
I saved it.
Soo Jin...
It's not ringing?
No.
What...
Is your phone even on?
Is it my number?
Soo Jin...
Oh yeah, it's Choi Soo Jin. 
Sorry, i have three people under Soo Jin.
Are you the third Soo Jin or the first...
Area code 010, right?
When was I 010?
Aren't you 3355, right?
No I'm not.
Hey, you rascal.
Soo Jin. 
You really... changed your number.
No, I didn't change it.
Kim Soo Jin. 
Kim Soo... 
Ah! 
It's her--
It's under Gae Soo Jin.
I'm sorry. 
I changed the screen of my phone last time.
Soo Jin I'm busy because of work today.
I'm busy too.
Ah, what's wrong Ms. Kim? 
I will call you. 
How many-
Forget it! 
Go do your work, Writer Bang Myeong Soo.
I'll go do my work; so what's your number?
Hey, you should have told me that it's your company. 
Then I would have asked for more money for the contract.
Am I a discount coupon?
I just said it to be funny. 
Why are you so mad?
You're not funny.
Hey, Kim Soo Jin.
I'm not funny?
This isn't funny?
This isn't funny? 
Hey.
About your manhwa.
For the time being, there's no chance for it to be adapted into a movie, so don't get your hopes up too much.
What? 
According to your President, after he saw my webtoon...
My CEO just made his own decisions. 
He doesn't really have good eyes.
There are standards to webtoons. 
It's not good enough to be turned into a movie.
Is it child's play? 
There are dogs and cats. 
How can people get into it?
Hey, Kim Soo Jin!
I surely told you this.
It's not a dog.
It's not a dog. 
The male lead... is a cheetah.
Anyone would think the male lead is a dog!
That jerk.
How dare he pretend that he's innocent?
You got to be kidding me. 
The male character is so annoying.
The story is so old-fashioned.
Your drawings are so tacky.
Yes, Eun Hye.
What?
- Unni!
- What is the problem?
Where is your CEO, not the female employee?
Well, who are you to be looking for our President?
- We're 'Cash Today.' 
- Cash Today?
- A loan company?
- The loan repayment period is past due.
What do you mean by loans? 
This is the first we'v heard of it.
Oh, here it is. 
The contract.
This is the President's personal matter. 
It has nothing to do with us.
Look carefully. 
What's stamped here is the corporate seal, correct?
Anyway, you should talk about this with the President.
Hey, call him
His phone is off.
We also didn't approve the loan by looking at just President Gak alone.
If you look at the agreement it's a business loan.
This is the first time we've heard about this and the President can't be reached. 
What do you want me to do!
?
Cash asset, property, real estate, intellectual property, all of it, it will all be seized.
Seized?
President! 
President! 
President, are you there?
It's PD Kim, open the door!
- He's not there?
- He's not here.
President, it's PD Kim!
President, please open the door!
He's here. 
He's here!
No matter what, how could you borrow the company's money?
That's a crime!
A kid was sick.
As a father, there was nothing I could do.
Should I see if I could save the kid first?
The child has an IV in his fragile and small wrist and was laying down and looking for his dad...
"Daddy!"
Crying "Daddddyy! 
Daddy!" he was looking for his Father.
We're the ones who feel like crying!
I'm really sorry.
I have no excuses, Kim PD. 
I will take sole responsibility.
I can either go to prison... 
Yes, I will just go to prison.
Let's call the police. 
I'll turn myself in.
Because I couldn't do well, I should receive my punishment.
I should die.
But...
But my kid keeps calling, "Dad! 
Dad!"
What is this?
Don't cry.
Why are you crying?
We can pay off the debt by making a good movie.
We have a movie!
Yes, this is Cheong Lee Films.
Reporter Kang?
"Crossing the Yalu River"? 
We are doing that.
Why? 
What?
!
What?
Finally,thenovel"CrossingtheAmnok (Yalu )River "willbemade intoafilm." This is our item.
According to Team Leader Shim Joo Hee the main characters of "Crossing the Amnok (Yalu) River"
Shim Joo Hee, this girl really!
Writer Ahn! 
Writer Ahn, I'm PD Kim!
Writer Ahn, open the door! 
Open the door.
Writer Ahn, let's talk face to face!
Writer Ahn, Writer Ahn, let's talk face to face.
Writer Ahn, open the door. 
Writer Ahn!
Writer Ahn, will you see me and talk!
Ahjumeonim, you shouldn't be doing this!
It's because I have an urgent manner.
And who are you calling Ahjumma?
- Writer Ahn, Writer Ahn, let's ta-- 
- Ahjumeoni, get down, get down!
Ah, really! 
Why are you doing this? 
Let me go!
Writer Ahn!
Shim Joo In! 
Shim Joo In! 
Tell Shim Joo In to come out!
- Hey!
- Please be quiet. 
Don't you know where you are?
I'm Kim Soo Jin, I told you I came to see Shim Joo In!
- Hey, Shim Joo In! 
Hey, Shim Joo In!
- This woman is crazy, really! 
Let that go!
- You!
- Aigoo.
Hey, Shim Joo In!
- What brings you here?
- "What brings..."
Would you like some tea?
Why does it have to be my movie?
"My movie"? 
You talk as if it's yours.
Then is it yours?
I never said that.
It was your fault that you didn't sign a good contract.
Isn't it obvious that a faster company will get good items?
I didn't come here to listen for apologies. 
I'm not here to hear your excuses.
It's not late now, so let's put it back.
That doesn't work like that. 
This is not some child's play.
It was your side who joked around first.
I didn't know it was a project that you cared so much for.
If it was that precious to you, you should've done better.
You always seem to be like that.
You aren't completely holding it, but it's not like you are letting it go either.
You act as if you don't care.
You make a fuss when it seems that someone is definitely going to take it away.
The world is really scary.
For me, it's the people.
How can we work. 
Just to get here we worked so hard.
I wonder how much the debt will be.
Money is money, but it's something you worked on for over a year.
This is all my fault.
When you said you were going to the bank, I should've checked.
How can this be your fault?
I was distracted by other things.
I must have been crazy, seriously.
Shouldn't we at least sue.
Sue...how? 
Who should we sue?
We can sue our CEO or DK.
This is so unfair that I can't live!
It would have been better if it was because we did poor work.
Even if we put him in jail, he has no money anyway.
So this is how it's going to end?
I'm so pissed.
Shouldn't we do something and pay them back?
We have to have something left in order to do something.
-Auntie's here!
-Auntie's here!
My children!
- Mom, aunt is...
- Alcohol, alcochol, alcohol smell!
Hey! 
Aigoo, take it easy with the alcohol!
Let me just hug them once.
Hey! 
I just washed the kids!
-Give me one hug.
-It's so hectic here!
Only once, only once.
-Just one hug!
-Hurry go get some rest!
Seriously, these films.
Smells like soju. 
What's the occasion?
Something good happened?
Did the money get in?
How much came?
Honey, how can you make a movie with that?
You need couple million dollars to film a movie.
Right?
That's right.
Couple million dollars... 
Hundreds of million dollars!
Hundreds-
Y-You already know, right? 
You promised to buy me a washing machine before you move out.
Our washing machine's still good to use. 
Can't you just buy me a laptop?
Sang Hyeon messed up my laptop while playing game
Laptop and washing machine. 
Sounds good.
Tell me everything, everything. 
I'll do it all.
This Kim Soo Jin will do it all, all!
Hey, aunt became rich. 
Applause!
Our suffering has ended!
What do you guys want to do?
- Aunt, why are you crying?
- Aunt, why are you crying?
If the money came, why is she crying?
Is it because she doesn't want to waste it on me?
Eat up. 
You like hangover soup.
What's up? 
The person who didn't even know my phone number called me first.
Here.
I thought it was only right to return it.
What is this?
The contract fee I received.
You received a contract fee?
It's $3,000.
$3,000...
Hey I heard that the company failed...
Didn't work out well.
If there's anything I can help with, let me know. 
Whatever it might be.
-Who said that?
-Jo-
I'm not saying that it failed...
You meet Joo Hee these days?
-Because of work.
-What work?
What work would it be? 
Manhwa of course.
[Manhwa is the Korean equivalent of Japanese Manga]
Joo Hee said she will turn your comic into a movie? 
You believe her?
What is there not to believe? 
Her company is a large corporation.
Oh.
Ah, because you want to work with Joo Hee, you came to terminate the contract with me?
So you're saying this measly $3,000 is nothing more than spare change to you?
You know that's not what it means.
All right. 
Do well.
It's not like you can survive with this $3,000.
My life has started to look up after thirty-two years.
You must also want to live like you're actually alive.
It's not that I can't understand your point of view but in the end, you're also...a stranger huh.
Don't worry. 
Fortunately, the termination fee isn't even that much.
Our company's team will take good care of it.
Honestly, there are many problems if the company is small.
No matter how hard the producer runs around, there are limitations.
Do you think there will be good actors and directors?
It will be much more comfortable for you to work here.
If there's anything you need, tell me anytime.
♫  I'm going towards the forest,  ♫
♫  I'm sorry yet again,  ♫
♫  I'm walking slowly,  ♫
♫  I'm going to wait here every day. ♫
They said that there's a bus to Seoul if I went this way. 
Is there something?
This is the right place.
Weshouldhavejustwaitedandgotontheshuttlebus.
Whatis this because ofyou!
Whoistheone who stayedbehindtowatchTrentLegends? 
Butstill...
Shouldwegobacktothecampingground?
Hey, let's walk.
Until where? 
My legs hurt.
Seoul.
Are you crazy?
♫  Even if I forget it all, Even if it all disappears,  ♫
Hey, get on.
I don't want to. 
You smell.
Look who's talking. 
Get on.
Hurry up.
Hurry!
Hey, let's go all the way to Seoul like this!
But, are you sure this is the way to Seoul?
Huh?
Who cares.
Hey! 
Hey.
Ah, just stay still will you.
Let's go! 
Run!
Hey, hey, hey!
Run,run,run!
Kim Soo Jin.
BadChild
Here.
Thanks.
Are you sincere right now?
Does it seem like a joke?
You better treat me well. 
Before I change my mind.
It's burning. 
Grill it well.
Oh, the meat.
Y-You can't change your mind later.
What do you see me as?
You like meat that is fully cooked, right?
Here.
-Make me a wrap too.
-A wrap?
You like garlic, right?
Onions. 
Onions too.
Okay.
The way you always have it.
With garlic with soybean paste, I've made it for you.
You eat well.
What kind of fool gets involved with just $3,000?
I'm a fool.
You said that the CEO who made a contract with me has no eyes.
You said that it's like a child's game.
Um...
I'm sorry.
I was a bit rash.
I really don't know why I did it.
I must have been crazy!
That's right! 
I deserve to die.
I dared to talk badly about Writer Bang Myeong Soo's work.
Do more.
Without having eyes, I said that I'll be the producer.
That's right. 
Let's die, die!
Then...
Soo Jin.
Yeah?
Do you think that'll kill you?
If you want to hit it properly, you have to hit it directly. 
Line it up,
Miss, one bottle of soju, please.
Are you okay? 
Eat.
Eat a lot, eat a lot.
Now, cheers.
Cheers.
What could possibly go wrong?
Will Heaven fall down? 
Will the earth cave in?
Here.
-Ah, I really shouldn't- 
-One two three!
Here. 
Alcohol is going in.
Going down...
-Down, down, down down.
-Down.
Cheers.
One, two, three.
-Yesterday you- 
-Shhh.
I made cheese gratin. 
Do you want some?
Seriously...
Soo Jin!
Excuse me. 
Who...?
And who are...you?
I am this company's...
For now, have this. 
Please wait.
We will be just a moment.
What?
Hey, who's that woman?
Why didn't you answer your phone?
My phone? 
My phone.
Ah, it's off. 
The battery must have died.
Just what did you do with Writer Bang yesterday?
That woman came to meet Writer Bang.
Myeong Soo? 
Why? 
Who is she?
She's a cat. 
A cat.
Are you drunk too?
The ex-girlfriend character that came out in Writer Bang's webtoon. 
The cat.
Why did the cat show up all of a sudden?
-She said it was because she was called by someone.
-Who?
Who do you think? 
That's why I'm asking what did you two do yesterday?
Thatrudebastard.
What is this?
You want to get cursed at?
It'sa beautifulmemory.
Isthatyours?
It'sheld bytwopeople .
Didyou tellthem?
No.
Thentellthem!
Thatistheleastyoucando.
Ishouldhavedoneitbefore.
Program-
AskmedirectlywhenI'mright infrontofyou!
So cowardly of a man, texting...
-You're not going to do it?
-I did it.
When? 
What?
Youtoldme to askthem.
I'm right here!
Seriously.
Youbuyit. 
Give us one more bottle here please.
Oh my God! 
Where is Myeong Soo right now?
He said he's coming.
How could you let him!
?
It's been a long time.
Have you been well?
Sorry to interrupt you both.
Oppa!
I missed you.
Wait, wait, wait. 
I missed you too, but...
It's too fast, right?
Who is that?
I said wait!
Fox...
There is a cat and a fox? 
What are we going to do?
- Actually, there are three.
- What?
There is something that was uploaded to the webtoon yesterday.
Don't worry about the 3rd one.
It's because you don't know. 
She's no joke!
I have a good personality.
Shh!
You son of a b*tch.
It's a lion. 
A female lion!
Hey Mr. Train 그대는 어디쯤 달려가고 있나요 시간을 거슬러 달려가나요 홀로 가나요 어디쯤 있나요 Hey Mr. Train 그대는 누구를 태워 가고 있나요 자리 하나 남았나요 ♫ ♫
♫  I will give you what you want, so tell me honestly ♫
♫  My girl, my girl, such a pretty baby  ♫
Excuseme.
Howoldareyou ?
I'mthirty.
Canyou get out ?
Now,now,now,now !
Whyareyoulikethis tomy oppa? 
Doyouwanttosee? 
I'ma newerversionthanyou. 
Everyone,everyone!
Excuse me.
Tothisman,you haveto havea violentrevenge.
How...?
MSG
Whoissuckingupwhoseblood ?
So I'm warning you to not interfere.
Idon'tknowwhatI'mgoing todo. 
Sex.
Whatisshesaying?
♫  My girl, my girl, such a pretty baby  ♫
♫  Tell me something honestly  ♫
Woof,woof!
-I'm against it.
-I'm against it.
Ifyouwanttogoto court ,youcancontinueonwiththemovieproduction.
♫  My girl, my girl, such a pretty ♫
I'm going to chew you all up and swallow you!

Subtitles brought to you by The Loose Lips Team @ Viki 
Part 2
You bastard!
She's the lion. 
The lioness.
Should we call the police?
N-no.
Who are you?
Please move. 
I can't see.
A movie? 
A comic book isn't enough so now a movie?
According to whom?
Why? 
W-what's wrong
You really don't know what's wrong?
What's wrong with a movie?
Do well.
I don't know who you are but I don't think it's your place to intrude.
It's correct that it's my place to intrude.
It's originally our place without any need to intrude.
Our?
Who are these girls?
The ones who got the same message as you.
Uh..
let's greet each oth-
Ah, I can't believe this! 
What pastime is this?
It wasn't enough to throw sewer water at someone who is staying still, but are you saying that we should all each just rub it around?
Are you saying we're sewer water right now?
Cheap sewer water that's sold separately is the movie.
We are the crap.
Mixed.
With these kind of people!
What do you mean these kind of people? 
How old are you?
And how old are you?
I'm 23!
And Ahjumma, how old are you?
Ahjumma?
-That's madam to you.
-This women, seriously!
Hold on, hold on! 
Just a minute.
I think there has been some kind of misunderstanding.
And who the heck is this?
She's not Myeong Soo Oppa's type though.
This person is the movie's producer, Kim Soo Jin. 
Kim Soo Jin.
My busine-
Third parties should exclude themselves.
Okay, forget it. 
I don't care what you do but leave me out of it. 
It's uncomfortable.
Me too.
Noona, you said you were okay before.
Doing it with these kinds of unnies, pass!
What do you mean unnies? 
You're the oldest one of us all.
If you know you should treat me like an unni.
What treatment? 
You're really old, are you an ancestor?
Growing old isn't something to be proud of.
You don't look young in age either.
You even had 'filler' put in all mismatched.
Okay, okay, okay! 
Let's not do this in someone else's office and let's go out.
-You stay out of it!
-Oppa, you really should stay out of it.
It won't help anything for you to step forward here.
You three match up well.
-Movie or whatever, scrap it right now!
-Why should I?
- What do you think you're doing so great that you could...
- Why are you like this to our Oppa? 
Who are you?
!
I'm doing this because I have the right to? 
Do you have to even know our history?
Do you only have history with him?
I have history with him too.
I'm the more recent version than you.
It must be really nice to be the latest version.
While we've all met here like this should we attach numbers in year order?
Good.
I can't believe it, really. 
If I had met you on the street I wouldn't have even talked to you strange creatures.
If we had met on the street I wouldn't have just talked so politely.
You laugh?
Then should I cry? 
Who's the one going overboard all by herself?
Excuse me, everyone, everyone! 
Please calm down.
You can't be doing this here.
Excuse me.
We're 'Cash Today.'
We meet again.
Let's go out and talk.
Oh, you have a lot of customers today.
-Let's go out and talk.
-Ah, yes.
It's nothing really. 
You don't have to worry about it.
That man is someone who is dating our employee.
He must have come because he misses her. 
I will go tell him not to do that.
Just a minute please.
You have to stay here. 
I'll be back soon.
Since there are customers, I'll be back.
Perhaps a loan shark?
No. 
It's a very respectable company.
Are you saying that we're going to do a movie in this kind of company?
Believing what?
You're still the same.
They're very strong. 
What financial institution are they from?
I already told you, our situation.
We've already delayed it quite a bit. 
We can't do that.
You saw the debt repayment agreement that I sent you, right?
That's what we want to talk about. 
That's really out of nowhere.
I beg of you.
Just give us three months time off.
Even if it's not the principal you have to take care of the overdue interest for us to report it to the company.
- How much is it?
- $30,000
-What?
- In one month.
I read your manhwa (comic book) well.
But the movie is a bit...
I'll think about it.
Why are you doing this too?
That company doesn't seem honest.
Soo Jin is a pretty good girl. 
She's trustworthy.
Does a swindler tell me that he's going to swindle me and borrow money?
Think about it carefully since if you get fouled up you'll be in an awkward position.
You've changed.
You used to be cool. 
Even if I made a big accident you never even batted an eye.
I must have grown older. 
Anyway, I'm against it.
You're not a person to just meekly tell me to do the movie.
I did prepare to have my hair grabbed someday but it's more than I imagined.
It's because everyone has such fierce temperaments that we played with you.
Noona, how are you?
What?
You've been well right? 
Where's your home now?
I heard that you live in America, on the west coast.
The west district of Seoul.
-I'm in Seoul.
-Huh?
I got divorced.
Wow, I thought I was going to die.
What did you do for them to be like that?
Did you not tell them that you were drawing the cartoons?
I didn't.
That's not right.
Shouldn't you have at least have given your partners a heads up?
Who knew that it would get so popular?
Are you calling those words right now?
Hey, then what about you? 
Why did you not tell me about these fundamental issues?
That's an internal matter in the company. 
You don't need to know.
Hey, if I knew that the situation was so serious I would have reconsidered too.
Yeon Ae, how much is the debt?
Right now each month, interest alone is $30,000.
- Eun Ae.
- That's crazy. 
There's no way.
Don't worry. 
We just need to find a way in one month's time.
There will be an investors' presentation at the end of the month.
What about those women? 
If they come again, I'm going to run away.
These things, seriously... 
Is being an ex-girlfriend a privilege?
What did you say?
No, no. 
What need is there for me to add to it?
Writer Bang, those women, is there any way for you to handle them for us?
The time has already gotten this late. 
My series has already been delayed so work hard.
Writer, writer! 
Writer Bang!
Hey, hey! 
Don't mess with him!
What if he terminates the contract and walks away?
Then what should we do?
Is it only once or twice that this Kim Soo Jin has been threatened before?
Tell them all to come at me.
Number 1: 
Cat. 
Name: 
Na Ji Ah
She's in her mid-thirties and Writer Bang's first love.
He met her seven years ago at a club.
She looks completely refined.
Is she the type who puts on a facade?
- What about Mi Young Do?
- She got married three years ago and lives in America.
Good.
She doesn't seem like the type who wants attention and she seems to have a good relationship with Writer Bang.
He's on good terms with his first love he broke up with. 
Does that make sense?
You know, men can't forget their first loves.
Even so she's a married woman.
It's because she's comfortable.
Is that so?
So they are friendly with each other?
I'm against it.
What? 
I thought you liked Myeong Soo's comic.
I like Myeong Soo.
What I don't like is...you.
M-me?
The company doesn't seem to be doing too well.
If you're not confident, don't drag Myeong Soo into it.
You said you knew Myeong Soo from a long time ago.
Isn't using him just because you know each other a bit too much?
Na Ji Ah, X! 
X!
So what? 
She's supposed to go to America anyway. 
Right?
Number two: 
Lioness' Name: 
Jang Hwa Yeong
Jang Hwa Yeong...
You bastard!
Let's do that one later.
Number three: 
Fox Ra Ra
Her job is an actress.
Her first and last name are both Ra?
No, after looking through portal (websites), her real name is Goo Geun Ryeong.
Her name is Goo Goo Nyuh?
Geun Ryeong!
Ah, Geun Ryeong.
But her profile picture is so different.
Are you sure she's the same person?
It's right, Shooting Star Ent.
I never heard of her. 
Which movies did she star in?
"Miracle in No.10" and "Doing It With Private Ryan" (parody of Miracle in No. 7 and Saving Private Ryan
Where did he meet a kid like this?
She says that they met while selling a used item.
You believe that?
What could this woman possibly want?
She didn't seem to be too against it.
Should I entice her over to our side?
I'm opposing it.
W-why?
I'm an actress.
Even if an actress has a history, she doesn't and if she doesn't, she doesn't.
My fans think that my only experience was a one-sided love towards my high school student teacher.
So how can I tell the truth?
That can never happen.
Does your production company need any innocent but glamorous actress?
Goo Geun Ryeong, X!
Next, Jang Hwa Yeong. 
What does she do?
She's in investment planning team for Oju.
An elite who graduated from Chun Ha University.
- Chun Ha University?
- Don't get intimidated. 
Fighting!
It should be no big deal.
Go ahead and proceed with the movie production if you want to stand before the judge.
- What?
- Defamation of character and infringement of intellectual property rights.
Wait! 
Intellectual property rights... you mean copyrights?
Why are you claiming Myeong Soo's rights?
Isn't it obvious?
There is my share: a percentage of the story's equity.
Equity...!
If you want a share... 
There are other people as well.
It's not like you were the only one who had to go through this. 
There are other people who aren't doing anything.
Well, that's those people's opinions.
Anyway, did Myeong Soo perhaps say something?
- Huh?
- Anything about the manhw ending or the story after it.
Jang Hwa Yeong, X, X, X!
What are you going to do now?
These things! 
Tell me to try whatever they want!
Since they are ex-girlfriends, they do have some rights.
Well they're not the only ones with rights!
What?
No...
No, that's not it.
- Are you going to proceed?
- I mean, what can they do?
I did some searching on the internet and this situation is too vague to even sue us for defamation.
Are you sure?
Why did Myeong Soo date these kind of women...
I'm curious about the opposite of that.
Why those women dated Writer Bang.
Too be honest, I didn't expect much about their looks.
But their faces and figures were no joke. 
They were so pretty! 
You noticed that, right?
Wow. 
You're kidding. 
Hey, seriously!
They weren't that great. 
What do you mean, "Wow!"
It'd be weird for them to not look pretty when they're covered with make-up and name brands!
Body figures cannot be altered by make-up, though.
Hey! 
Which side are you on?
I... was quite shocked.
What is Writer Bang's charm?
You must know something as his friend.
♫ I'm unsure that everything which was lost can be found ♫
"Let me introduce my girlfriends."
What do you think about his writing?
This doesn't have that impact.
- Yes?
- The beginning's great.
The story of one man and three women.
It's sexy. 
How sexy is this?
It's great, but this alone won't have any impact.
Then... is there something you were thinking about...?
You should make him date all three women at the same time.
You want him to be a three-timer?
An evil man and three women that were deceived by him.
This has impact.
Yes. 
That has a sense of realism.
But that's different from my original work.
This story is about past loves or passion of the heart~
So these three women meet in one place.
What a vivid story. 
So what happens next...?
And then, they find out about the man's true self and becomes angry.
-So...
-So?
They take their cruel revenge on the guy.
How?
Like "Old Boy"... 
No.
What if they give him a sex-change operation?
(i.e., cut off his penis)
Okay
It sounds good. 
I like that.
I respect you so much.
Yes, I respect you. 
Yes...
-Do you have to work with that writer?
-What can I do then?
Writers who are known to write even a little well are already held in other companies.
I'd rather write with my feet instead.
Are you going to keep complaining without coming up with an alternative? 
What do you want me to do?
-You write it.
-Are you kidding me?
-You're a good writer.
-What are you saying...
- Soo Jin is good at writing?
- She received awards while studying for her film major.
I read a short story that she wrote, and I liked it.
- Unni, then you should write it. 
It'll be an original work.
- It'll have an original author feel.
Sure, it's not that I don't have talent.
But I'm a producer.
A busy producer. 
I have to go to DK Market the day after tomorrow!
What's that?
Let me introduce my girlfriends. 
"Let Me Introduce My Girlfriends." Also known as "Girlfriend Buffalo" for short.
It's a webtoon that's catching attention these days.
A normal guy meets three unique women.
This is a dating webtoon featuring real experiences.
Because of the cute animal characters, people were able to relate to the story and laugh.
"The person that has more power while dating is determined by her features",
"A Fool Makes an Idiot", "Dating Secretly is Not Dating"
Many people were able to relate to the episodes.
From the 104 episodes that are already written,
We will pick 21 episodes that had the highest views and restructure it into a movie.
Oh my! 
Hello, I'm Kim Soo Jin from Jung In Films.
You remember me, right?
We have many items right now.
Please take care of us.
We are Jung In Films.
Director! 
I'm Kim Soo Jin from Jung In Films.
The color of your shirt looks good on you.
Jung In Films
Iheardthismoviebecamesuccessful.
We have many good items right now.
Please contact us.
Hello.
I'm Cha Young Jae from Oju's Investment Operation Division.
I am Kim Soo Jin from Jung In Films.
I heard the presentation well. 
Your item seemed very unique.
- Thank you.
- We are launching a media company soon.
I think I saw the article.
We have $100 million at our disposal, and we have been considering expanding into movie production.
Really?
We are small, but we have many experiences with productions.
We have many good items right now as well.
If you just give us a call, we'll do our best!
-Alright.
-Thank you!
Thank you! 
Thank you! 
Thank...
Really?
You improved a lot.
I was always better than you.
You always lacked that one knock out punch.
That's right. 
Soo Jin is sometimes clumsy.
But it's been a long time since us three met.
About two years?
We played a lot in Bucheon.
Just a minute, I'll go say hi.
Hey.
-Hi.
-Nice to meet you.
He is still the same. 
He knows a lot of women.
I really don't get it. 
Is he good looking or rich?
Why do women like him? 
He just draws.
I actually want him.
- What?
- He's really hot.
"Let Me Introduce You To My Girlfriends" got one million views last weeks.
Webtoons are very popular nowadays. 
I bet there will be many investors.
Of course. 
It'll do well. 
Our movie.
I'm sad that I lost him last time. 
I should have used more money.
Don't live like that.
October is really...
Should we clink our glasses?
This is my first time here.
Hey, you said you'd help and you're sleeping?
I'm in the middle of thinking.
I'm an idiot for trusting you.
What the heck?
What was that?
Hey, here, you got a text.
Ah, why are you looking at someone else's cellphone?
What looking? 
It had fallen, so I picked it up and gave it to you.
Ah, go work.
Go work!
Go work!
-Where are you going?
-Something came up suddenly...
- Something happened to my relative.
- Who?
There is someone.
Really?
Then, I'll go with you.
It's in a different direction from your house.
What the heck? 
You said we should go together before.
I'm sorry but I'm going ahead because I'm in a hurry.
Omo, hey!
Yes, Sunbae.
Just so-so. 
There are inquiries, but I don't see any investments.
They're all like, "Let's wait and see." How about you, Sunbae?
Shim Joo Hee did?
Webtoon?
She didn't say which webtoon she bought?
Romantic comedy?
Ah, yes. 
I understand.
I will call you again.
Hey, Eun Hye, didn't Myeong Soo call?
He said that he stayed up all night for three days, so he was going to sleep in today.
He is sleeping?
Anyway, please take good care of me.
Please take good care of ME, Writer.
Ok then, go.
I won't escort you out.
Who in this world knocks like that?
! 
I thought the door was going to break down. 
You scared me.
You scared me!
You! 
Don't you have anything to say to me?
Say what?
You really don't?
I don't.
I...won't get mad.
For me, it would be nice if you, as a friend, would tell me truthfully.
About what?
What you're hiding from me right now!
Myeong Soo, I know it's hard for you to tell me.
Do you want to say it with your own mouth, or should I say it?
How did you know?
You...
Is what I'm thinking right now, actually correct?
I thought you would misunderstand.
It wasn't that I didn't want to tell you. 
It's just that I thought you'll find out some day, so I wanted to take it slow.
Slowly when?
Let's go.
-Where?
-Let's go and meet.
Right now?
A three-party encounter.
Alright.
Come in.
Come in.
You're here?
Come in.
♫ Only you ♫
♫ Can make this world seem bright. ♫
Have a delicious meal.
Thank you.
♫ Only you ♫
Hey, how can you think that I would go to Joo Hee?
You even shook hands with her, saying "please take good care of me."
Joo Hee got a contract with Jin Bae after I introduced him to her. 
You remember Jin Bae, right?
You!
You should have said that you're meeting Ms. Ji Ah.
You didn't tell her you were meeting me?
Ah well, do I have to report everything?
That's right. 
I'm not even your mother.
You two must be very close.
Although, I haven't heard much about you.
I haven't heard much about you either. 
I thought you were in America.
I came out from there. 
I got a divorce you see.
Why? 
Am I pitiful?
Don't make that expression. 
It's too cliche.
No..that's not it...
Divorce is not some big catastrophe.
The way we deal with each other has changed, that's all.
Want ramen? 
I'll make a killer one with some seafood.
But you don't like seafood.
He totally enjoys eating it though.
I don't love it, but if we're near the ocean, of course I'll eat it all. 
It's so fresh.
You two haven't been to the beach together?
We haven't.
Then, you guys only met up in Seoul?
Wow, how unusual.
We went to a lot of places together.
We hung out in Bucheon a lot.
Whether it's Gyeongido or Seoul.
Bucheon is really great. 
It's the manhwa city.
Where animation and fantasy movie festivals are held.
Ji Ah doesn't like comics.
How did you date her when you two have such different tastes?
When a man and a woman are seeing each other, what does taste have to do with it?
Just have to want each other, that's all.
♫ One and only you. ♫
But...you're not really going to do the movie, right?
Just why is Ji Ah against the movie?
It's because she's worried about me.
About what? 
That I will stab you in the back or something?
She's a bit sensitive about these things. 
Her father's company went bankrupt.
So her father passed away and the situation at her home went bad.
Even so...
"You're not really going to do the movie, right?" What's with her tone?
That's how she normally talks. 
It's not out of malicious intent.
Look at you covering up for her.
You're the same!
If you're seeing Ji Ah, you should just say so. 
Would I say something about it to you?
!
It's a bit difficult. 
If I had, then I would have to explain about her divorce, and that's someone else's personal business.
Ah, that's why you secretly snuck around.
I'm just helping out until she finds a part-timer.
She's not good at doing dishes.
She operates a restaurant and she doesn't know how to wash dishes?
She lived a very sheltered life.
Who doesn't live sheltered?
By the way, Ji Ah Noona was very rich.
In college, she even drove a BMW.
Was that with her own money? 
And to put it bluntly, why did such a great person date you?
She was the one that seduced me first. 
At the club.
You did read my comic, right?
It doesn't show her side. 
Whether or not she thought of you as someone whom she would play with once and discard.
We were seeing each other for 2 years.
Why? 
You two should've dated more! 
Longer! 
Huh? 
The chemistry seemed great.
Yes, Eun Hye.
Why?
What?
What?
An investment came in.
Wow, awesome!
From where? 
Where?
From a totally big company! 
Oju!
What? 
From where?
Team Leader. 
She has arrived.
Welcome.
It's nice to meet you.
They want to co-produce it.
I should have looked into it when I heard it's Oju.
Did you by chance know something?
Would I have known? 
But Hwa Yeong is likely to have done it.
What is she exactly up to?
Doesn't she remember that she threatened to sue us if we made it into a movie?
But if they're going to invest, doesn't that mean they're giving us money? 
I think that's good.
It means there's a price to pay. 
They'll become my bosses, who stand on the top of my head.
Should we go for it or not?
Do you really think she'll treat you spitefully? 
Work is different.
He's always so positive.
Then do you think she invested for us to do well?
Hwa Yeong isn't that bad of a person.
Is that so, huh?
How can you be working right now?
Hey, do you think the readers will let me take a break even if I have a terminal disease?
Fine. 
Fine. 
Fine.
I'm the fool for trying to talk it out with you.
Wrap up your series well.
- I won't be seeing you out.
- Yes.
You know that it's no longer only your work, right? 
Hang in there.
What is the reason? 
It can't be because you actually want to make the movie.
If I gave you all the money you needed, will you completely scrap the comic and the movie?
What are you saying?
You can't do that, right? 
That's why I'm doing this.
At least if it's in my hands, I can see what goes into it.
So you want to control it with your hands?
Is that all? 
You should have just ruined it instead.
I wanted to do that so bad, but I can't.
What are you saying? 
Say something that I can understand.
I... have someone that I'm going to marry.
- What?
- I'm saying that there is someone I will marry.
- Who?
- Is that important? 
It's about to be ruined because of you.
What about me?
The company that I work for is his grandfather's.
That turned out good, then.
That must be nice. 
What do you want me to do?
Even though the company's big, rumors spread quickly. 
Do you know how scary people's mouths can be?
How would anyone know that it's about you in the movie? 
Don't you worry!
If someone asks, I'll say it's not you. 
The writer said no.
Are you stupid? 
Even if you say that it's false, do you think that household will say "yes" and believe you?
I will become the daughter-in-law of that family, even if I die!
I guess you liked that kind of stuff. 
I didn't know. 
I'm just the son of a low-class poor family.
Ah, I'm sorry that my grandfather didn't even get to become a block captain.
How did we even date? 
I'm not up to your standards.
I'm also regretting it right now. 
If you just love a person without looking at their background, you're just going to get back-stabbed.
If thing were going to turn out this way, I would've at least taken your background into consideration. 
I learned a lot because of you.
If you date a guy without expecting anything, you really get left with nothing.
This time, consider that stuff, and make sure to be happy.
I was going to do that anyway. 
So that's why I'm warning you to not interfere.
I don't know what I might do.
How annoying.
Writer Bang may have a harder time with this, but I like it.
You like it?
Oju is a big company.
You can get the investment right away and you don't have to worry about distributing the movie.
Is money the problem right now?
Unni, wake up. 
Of course the money is the problem!
You know know how much the unpaid wages are? 
Think about the company debt.
The monthly interest that has to be paid immediately is $30,000!
Right. 
Things can't get any worse.
We're at rock bottom. 
How much worse can things become?
The working conditions in this office is really bad.
Why is it so dry here?
- Soo Jin. 
Have you always been this dirty?
- Excuse me?
If you have something to say, shouldn't you say it to me instead of asking Myeong Soo to deliver it?
Myeong Soo... went to find you?
- Your acting is quite great.
- Jang Hwa Yeong!
Team Leader... you should call me by that.
Team Leader. 
It seems like you have misunderstood something.
Whatever Myeong Soo said has nothing to do with me.
We're business partners now. 
For the sake of our relationship, you should have some trust.
That's some great words.
To form this trust, I will be coming to work in this office from time to time.
I'll see you often.
I heard you're on the same boat as Jang Hwa Yeong.
That... how did you know?
-Well, the article came out.
-You don't seem the type to keep up with the news though...
Ah, well, I didn't see it myself.
So what's her scheme?
Would I know that?
I heard she's going to co-produce and even invest in it.
Doesn't that mean money's being exchanged?
Since you received the money, you must give her something in exchange.
What did you offer in return?
There's nothing like that! 
We're also curious about Team Leader Jang's intentions.
Your'e already calling her "Team Leader Jang". 
You even changed her title.
Did you agree to take only her out from the story? 
Or is the lioness going to be the main character?
Aren't you trying to make the lioness stand out while turning me into a side character?
For now! 
For now! 
For now!
Why didn't you ask to meet at the restaurant?
Since Myeong Soo goes there.
Do you have something to tell me, that Myeong Soo shouldn't know about?
I heard you joined hands with Jang Hwa Yeong.
Myeong Soo said that?
Ah Writer Bang, seriously!
Since she seemed to have some money, you stuck to her?
Na Ji Ah!
Your words are quite harsh.
Myeong Soo says it's absolutely not true, but I'm curious about your intentions, Soo Jin.
Intention?
Usually near well-off people you always see people who suck their blood dry.
I'm not saying you're that kind of person.
Oh my, oh my, how ridiculous! 
What do you take us for?
You don't even know what a capable producer Soo Jin is.
Are you trying to say that I'm sucking Myeong Soo's blood dry?
I'm also hoping I'm worrying unnecessarily. 
My past and Myeong Soo's future depends on it.
I'll be watching you.
Hey, your teeth are going to fall out.
Really, what are those people?
I feel like my blood will dry out to death because of these women.
Tell Myeong Soo to settle things down.
If he steps up, it only makes things worse.
Ah what am I supposed to do? 
At this point, I can't even back out of it.
What do they hate so much about it?
It's not like the comics will reveal some top secrets.
There's no reason to be happy about it.
If other people knew about your dating life, would you be happy about it?
I'll feel proud!
How hard was it for me to seduce your sister without you knowing.
Hey, that'll make a real movie. 
Make a movie out of it. 
It'll hit a jackpot.
My butt. 
Like I didn't know. 
I only pretended I didn't know.
What am I supposed to do now?
You're someone who even made a human rights movie and you can't even defeat three girls?
You said the comfort women didn't even look at you at the beginning. 
How did you turn their hearts around?
I stayed with them, for three months, living and sleeping with them.
Those grandmothers told you everything about their past, which they probably didn't even want to think about.
How different can these women be?
Aren't you thinking too lightly of it because it's a romance movie?
Just because it's romance, is it always beautiful? 
You feel embarrassed and shy and think "Why did I do that then?"
Isn't it like that?
But without even understanding this, we're going to film a movie, so you guys just put up with it.
That's what a real bully is.
For what purpose are you making this movie?
You don't feel anything? 
It has your story in it.
I'm trying to survive.
The past and romance are all just a luxury to me.
Right now, what could be more important than eating and living?
Then the cat's words were correct. 
In order to live, you're sucking Myeong Soo's blood dry.
Who's sucking whose blood?
Sitting side by side, what are you two scheming to suck on now?
Isn't sticking a straw onto my back enough?
Honey, you weren't sleeping?
I told you not to eat anything here!
The bugs are going to gather!
I told you not to eat here!
Unni, he even smokes there.
I can't live. 
I can't live!
Hurry clean it up! 
Where did she go? 
Where did she run off to?
Soo Jin, come back here!
♫ I went into a forest ♫
I'm sorry. 
I'm really sorry.
We provided this place after much consideration. 
How could you use it so messily?
I'm sorry. 
I'm really very sorry.
People should have some manners.
Clean everything up.
This... this is not what we did...
What? 
What did you say?
Nothing. 
I'll clean it all up.
Don't worry. 
You don't have to worry.
I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry!
Without being able to say anything
Things went by while I'm just looking
Although it is all forgotten
In the heartless time that goes by
My youth won't be wasted with me only cleaning up trash like this, right?
Hey.
Should I show you something interesting?
What is it?
Here it is.
Ta-da.
Watch closely. 
Wow, the sunset! 
Wow!
You said you wanted to go to the ocean to see the sun rise on the last day.
In the end, I don't even come close to a beach.
Hey, we can just go. 
Let's succeed in our 30's and really go to the beach.
-Do you think we will?
-Of course.
Without being able to say anything
Happy birthday.
♫ It went by while just watching. ♫
♫ Although it is all forgotten ♫
♫ In the heartless time that goes by ♫
♫ Not even one thing, nothing changes ♫
♫ Us, at that time ♫
You couldn't have called to see me because you fell for me. 
Perhaps, money problems?
No. 
That's not why.
Yes, you're right. 
I am Ra Ra.
You can take pictures.
-Her too?
-I called for her.
Hi.
Hello.
I like how quiet it is without Hwa Yeong Jang here.
-Hwa Yeong Jang?
-Isn't it so annoying?
It's not like she was married to Oppa. 
Why is she acting out?
I'm sorry for acting out, but why don't you say it at the company if you have something to say?
It's only right to talk with all three of us here. 
Isn't that right, Miss Ji Ah?
Let's hear what she has to say, without interrupting.
There is something I want to say to all three of you.
Please help me.
What the heck? 
Now you're gonna get on your knees?
If that's what you're doing, I'm leaving.
I'm not in the same position to be talking with these people.
Isn't that so, Miss Soo Jin?
-I completely understand where you're coming from, Miss Hwa Yeong.
-You do?
Soo Jin, you shouldn't talk about someone else's story so easily.
It's not someone else's story.
What?
It's also my story.
I'm also an ex...of Myeong Soo.
No wonder.
♫ From which way ♫
♫ I look at him ♫
♫ I can't figure out Dooly ♫
♫ Came down on an iceberg ♫
♫ And met friends ♫
Is it smiling or crying?
I can't get the emotion out because too many things are going on.
- Yours is no fun.
Do a hard core, not romance.
But do things work out well for the dog and lion?
I said it's not a dog! 
It's a cheetah.
Does it not work out?
-Do you think it will work out?
-Then whom does it work out with?
The title is Girlfriend Buffalo, so why isn't a buffalo coming out?
Does a cow come out instead of a buffalo?
Jin Bae. 
Get lost.
Leave.
So the four of us are all Oppa Myeong Soo's ex-girlfriends?
What is the order?
- Order?
- Being first or last doesn't matter, does it?
It's a matter of how deep it is.
What's deep?
Emotions!
Deep emotions? 
Isn't that too vague?
We might as well go with how far we went. 
Isn't that more important?
Sex.
What is she saying?
Omo! 
Unni!
- What is she saying?
- Please... stop.
If we're going to go into specifics, there's no one worse than me.
I'm really a victim.
To be honest, Myeong Soo really didn't really do anything wrong.
But when we dated, things did not go well for both him and me.
We didn't have any money saved, and hadn't achieved anything, but had a big dream.
He was economically unstable, restless and with no foreseeable future.
I knew that he was in a worse situation than I.
I want to be comforted and lean on him too, but he just always got annoyed at me for the smallest things.
Aren't we all like that when we're in love? 
It's not only you.
It wasn't like that to me.
Although I think it's unfair to this Unni here.
What's so unfair about that? 
Maybe it is if she's loaned him money.
♫ The Rose of Sharon has bloomed! 
♫ ( a children's game common in Korea) 
Unni, you lent Myeong Soo Oppa money?
♫ The Rose of Sharon has bloomed! 
♫
Did... 
I?
No, he said a friend had an accident.
It was urgent.
Has he paid me back?
So you must have acted like a 'sponsor'. 
A wealthy and nice Noona.
Omo, how could you think of me like that?
I don't feel like I've been used.
Maybe I would if he had cheated on me.
Why are you looking at me?
Back then, he did not cheat on me.
He did it when we broke up for a while. 
To be exact, you can't call that 'cheating'.
He cheated, alright. 
He cheated.
I would feel used if my nude picture was leaked.
What? 
It's not a picture, but a sketch.
It was a drawing. 
Also, it was not leaked. 
I uploaded it on Facebook.
It's just because the news articles were written weirdly!
Wait, wait, wait!
These talks are no help at all for our reconciliation.
What about you yourself?
That's right. 
There must be something you feel unfair about.
You listen to our stories, but leave yourself out?
She doesn't want to reveal her cards.
And reconciliation, what?
I wasted my time.
Wait! 
We... still haven't slept together.
That's why... still...
You haven't slept with Myeong Soo?
Is it platonic (love)?
Unni, do you believe in some strange religion?
No, that's not it...
The situation was just a little off... so not yet.
Not yet... ♫ The Rose of Sharon has bloomed. 
The Rose of Sharon has bloomed.♫(i.e., TAG you're IT!
)
Bravo! 
To us!
Let's unite!
- Here, here!
- Hey!
Myeong Soo!
Here, here! 
Sit here!
Here! 
Here!
Take it.
- Why are you all together?
- What else? 
Unni Soo Jin called all of us together.
Because of the movie?
Who can stop you? 
Fine, do the movie. 
Do it!
Do it!
No, I don't want to!
Ah, seriously! 
Who gave alcohol to Hwa Yeong?
I did, I did!
Oppa, we all know.
What?
- With Unni Soo Jin...
With Soo Jin what?
You dated Unni Soo Jin, too.
What are you saying?
Hey, tell us honestly!
It's possible to work with people you've dated.
What's wrong with it?
What? 
Are you drunk now?
I already told them everything.
- What?
- Your webtoon. 
The story after.
After what?
After Lioness. 
There's one more.
After Lioness.
Lioness is the end though.
Me.
There's nothing more after that?
Yeah. 
Lioness is the end.
Cat. 
Fox. 
Lioness.
That's...all?
The people I've dated are these three people. 
What's more after that?
It's the end.
This... and this... you have not... dated?
She and I are friends.
Close friends. 
Best friends.
You have drunk a lot.
She's a friend.
Unni.
Soo Jin!
- You...
- What did you talk about?
Cat. 
Lioness. 
Fox!
You great ex-girlfriends...
I'm clearly telling you this!
I am definitely going to do this movie!
If someone appears to obstruct the movie production,
I will chew you up!
♫ Colorful kisses, red-hot dances ♫
♫ I'll give you what you want, you tell me honestly ♫
♫My girl, my girl, such a pretty baby  ♫
I'm going to chew you all up!
♫ Tell me honestly ♫
I'm going to chew you all up!
I'm going to chew you all up! 
I'm going to chew you all up! 
I'm going to chew you all up! 
(Sounds like F***ing)
♫ Love me now, love me tight, don't let me go ♫
♫ Tell me what you got ♫
Soo Jin. 
I said we didn't date because we didn't! 
How am I going to get home now?
♫ Tell me what you got ♫
♫ Hurry up and tell me♫
It's all you. 
You!
Ahjusshi! 
Ahjusshi!
This was not true.
♫ Tell me the truth. ♫
Especially, the 'Lion' part.
In plain words, we are not friends anymore, right?
You...
TheRoseof Sharonhas Bloomed.
♫ Tell me the truth. ♫

Subtitles brought to you by The Loose Lips Team @ Viki 
My movie role has gone out of the window!
Is that so? 
My memories have gone out the window.
My movie has gone out of the window.
My life has gone out of the window.
I'm sorry for ruining a good day.
Are you perhaps dating him out of anger to show us? 
I truly like Myeong Soo.
I will decline any other comments from now on.
The Head Director is in a meeting.
We can't tell you when he can have a meeting with you.
Why was that said there, out of all places?
We didn't say it.
- What talk?
- They're dating.
Oppa Myeong Soo and Unni Soo Jin.
Episode 10
Are you waiting for a car?
Yes. 
I'm waiting for a taxi.
What about your car?
It's my company car.
Doesn't your company take care of you? 
You're an actress.
I like being left alone. 
It's comfortable.
Ra Ra, are you not bothered?
Your ex-boyfriend has gotten a new girlfriend.
I'm happy. 
I worked so hard to hook those two together.
I'm the major reason why they became a couple.
What's your name?
What's wrong with you? 
I'm Ra Ra.
Not your fake name, but your real name.
That's a bit...
Goo Geun Ryeong.
Why are you asking that?
Miss Goo Geun Ryeong, do you want to audition?
Yes. 
What?
I have a condition. 
Use your real name, not your fake name.
Do you want to be a real actress?
Show me real emotions, not the fake, thoughtless and uncaring emotions.
This project will be halted.
The process of the investment withdrawal will be communicated through the Legal Department.
Head Director.
Please speak.
This is a project that is proceeding without problem.
Please think it over.
There is no reason to bring it to a halt. 
What about your losses if it's stopped now?
That's not a problem you should worry about, Director.
Worry about yourself. 
You have a five-year contract with us, right?
You won't be able to do a project for five years.
I will prevent it.
And Miss Jang Hwa Yeong.
- Yes.
- There will be a change of personnel.
You're going to be transferred to the Human Resources Management Team.
Take a rest at a place with good air in the provinces, and be in-charge of the newbie training.
And Miss Kim Soo Jin.
Yes.
Writer Park Myeong Soo's copyright will be turned over to Oz Productions in investment recovery.
Are you going to take away his work?
If you feel wronged send us a proof of contents through the legal team.
If it goes to a court dispute it will take at least three years.
Your time and money will go to waste.
Yeong Jae.
I thought you're going to Hanoi. 
What about the media business?
If you halt this project, you will also be held responsible.
I will be pushed aside by my great brothers and cousins in the succession battle.
In the end, that is where your interests lie then.
I was wrong.
I was wrong.
I'm so sorry I can't even say sorry.
I will quit the company.
I just have to disappear, right?
Would you even ruin your future just to hate me?
Yeong Jae, please don't do that.
My future was you.
Yeong Jae.
Did you even like me?
Did you even like me, even just a little?
Is this your answer?
Yeong Jae.
Tell him.
Go and tell him that your feelings are sincere.
I will go and tell him then.
It's not something for a third party to say.
Why is a lioness acting like this? 
You went around like crazy when you were dating Myeong Soo.
Why can't you say even just one word?
I was confident back then.
But not now. 
Because I was in the wrong.
What do we do now? 
What about us? 
What about Myeong Soo?
He's so pitiful, what do we do?
I missed you.
Me too.
I wish Earth would stop at this right now.
That can't happen.
We didn't even make half the progress.
You, really. 
What's with you?
You went to Oz. 
Did you meet the Head Director?
How did it go?
We all got fired.
So that's why you missed me.
If you go the free agent route, there will be a lot of places that will call you.
Skilled producer Kim Soo Jin. 
Is there anyone in the world who doesn't know you?
Of course. 
I am a bit good in my work.
And you will be able to make the kind of movie you want to make very soon.
Then...
Don't worry.
I will take care of you. 
I'm a successful webtoon writer.
With just one hit?
Hey, what do you mean? 
People are making a fuss because they don't even have that.
Are you looking down on your "mister's" work?
Should we go for a drive?
I'll go get the key.
That car is still alive?
It's running just fine. 
Are you looking down on the car?
Let's just walk today. 
The car goes too fast.
Alright.
Then let's walk all the way to your house.
Let's do that.
Text me before you go to sleep.
You know that you have to disinfect and put medicine on your arm before you go to sleep, right?
- It's annoying.
- No.
You have to diligently take care of burn wounds. 
If you don't, they will scar over.
If you're diligent at it, I'll give you a reward.
Is there a way that I could see that reward in advance?
Advance preview, click!
Is this it? 
Repeat, play back, replay...
There's nothing like that.
- Repeat, play back, replay.
- There's nothing like that. 
I'm leaving.
Hey.
Answer the phone before you go to sleep.
Director!
You live very entertainingly. 
When are you going to do the whole show?
Ah... 
What are you doing here? 
Shall I drive for you?
I don't have a car. 
I put it out for sale.
Yes? 
Why?
I'm thinking of paying the penalty fees, cut off my contract with Oz, and leave.
While I'm sticking a knife in a friend's back I should do it definitely.
But... 
Aren't you rich, Director?
I'm not rich, my parents are.
When I left the house to make movies we agreed that they wouldn't give me one more cent.
Ah... 
Your parents are amazing.
I'm American style right now.
Independent, unemotional, a cool fellow.
Why did you come here?
If I end the contract, then I'm free. 
Do you want to go together?
What are you saying?
I'm telling you to go with me.
What are you going to do if Oz takes away the investment? 
Jung In Films won't be able to hold on.
Soo Jin, you have nowhere to go now.
I'm going to save you.
I'm really thankful, but it's so sudden.
Don't you have a dream?
Take my hand.
I'll make it so you can shake the entire world.
I sold my car and my house. 
I'm a beggar now.
I have nowhere to go and I'm a crazy director with not one cent.
Are you perhaps interested?
Would she be interested?
Your only attractive trait is money and if that disappears what women would be interested?
You don't know yourself too well.
- You're sticking your nose in all the time.
- The dung flies are gathering all the time.
Go home and don't lurk around my woman.
Myeong Soo, I was about to go inside.
The Director was also about to head home.
Ah, I heard that everyone was fired by the head director, right?
You're included in that too, right? 
Then you're not a director.
Hey. 
Hey.
Mister, go home. 
I said leave.
Myeong Soo! 
Myeong Soo, why are you acting like that?
The director is going to leave. 
Right, Director?
I'll be waiting for your answer.
Waiting for what?
To fight against you properly for once.
Be safe on your way back.
Your schedule is so tight, having deep conversations with men other than your boyfriend.
Wait, I didn't know that he'd come all the way here and was waiting for me.
Wow, no wonder. 
I should have figured it out when you did the seeing beforehand thing that you usually don't do,
You've got white knights all lined up. 
I'm the one without sense.
Are you jealous?
What? 
Me? 
Of that guy? 
How ridiculous.
I think you are jealous.
Hey, that poor beggar is totally not a threat.
Well, it doesn't feel bad.
- Then should I call the director one more time? 
Director!
- Hey!
Why'd you come all the way back here? 
Did you leave something behind?
No, that's...
I wonder why I came back.
Why? 
What is it?
It's nothing.
Hey.
I told you it's nothing. 
I'm not in the mood for that.
Myeong Soo.
Wow, seriously.
You still won't laugh? 
Hey Myeong Soo.
Myeong Soo.
I told you I'm not in the mood for that.
He's going back and forth.
Resignation
I heard that they broke up? 
Why did they break up?
They said it was another man.
Oh, I thought so. 
Something smelled rotten.
I knew they wouldn't last long.
She must be embarrassed.
Head Director.
Yeong Jae stole Myeong Soo's work?
Wasn't that Unni Soo Jin company's production?
Because Soo Jin's company has so much debt, it's being transferred to his company with the investment withdrawal.
How could that happen? 
That's Myeong Soo's work.
Try to do something.
You know more about the law than us.
He can just pay the penalty fee.
How much does it have to be?
Two times $3,000. 
I used to rebuke him for leaving such petty cash in the old days.
He had some foresight.
Let's say that's fine for the director but the script copyright ownership is with the company.
It's Myeong Soo's, why is it down as belonging to the company?
Because Myeong Soo signed a contract saying that it would be transferred to the company.
- Wait, who made that contract?
-Me.
- Hey!
- Unni!
Do you think I knew that things would turn out like this back then?
- I don't care. 
You take responsibility for it!
- Take responsibility!
They even make me step forward in the end.
Let's just get it over with and leave.
I've got no business in what you do about Hwa Yeong, but shouldn't you let go of Myeong Soo's work?
Business isn't something you do at a loss.
I don't think you'll make money even if you have it.
Your ex-boyfriend is really a go-getter.
Why are you working so hard to help him?
Don't misunderstand. 
We don't have any relationship with Myeong Soo in the present.
We just got together because of the movie.
And Hwa Yeong was the one who lied. 
Oppa Myeong Soo didn't do anything wrong.
I can't understand it when I use my common sense. 
All of you are intertwined because of one man.
- Aren't you affected at all?
- Not one bit as to me.
I understand that you're mad, but why are you holding Myeong Soo's work hostage?
We have a lot of alternatives too, but let's not use lawyers or pieces of paper to communicate and try to solve it like human beings.
Like human beings?
Then shouldn't you apologize first?
I thought that I should apologize to you first, Head Director.
The hands and feet match up together well.
Pardon?
Please speak.
You may not believe me, but our hearts weren't at ease either.
It was an unavoidable situation, so we couldn't be truthful.
But I hope that you won't misunderstand this one thing.
Hwa Yeong sincerely liked you, Head Director.
Would that really matter now?
Isn't that the most important thing?
If you like someone, whatever happened in her past doesn't matter.
Do you really think that way?
You're dating Bang Myeong Soo, right?
You're saying that his past, his women, and all the things that he did with those women don't matter at all?
It's not that they don't matter.
There's no guarantee that upsetting things won't happen in the future either, but... but still, don't you have the thought that you want to trust the person in front of your eyes and keep going with them?
I'm not you, Soo Jin.
I'm my own priority and the hurt that I received is more important. 
That's the kind of person I am.
Love is selfish. 
It's something you do because it's good for you but why do you endure it while being hurt?
I know what you're trying to say, but I can't just let go of Myeong Soo's production easily because it's a matter of pride to someone like me.
Are you not busy?
Yes.
You should be busy
But, I'm not busy.
If you're not busy, go buy some Hanra Bong. (A seedless fruit resembling an orange found on Jeju Island.)
- Hanra Bong?
- Go to Jeju Island and buy it.
- What?
-Right now.
We could have met at MSG why did you come all the way here?
I have a lot of time.
You've got a lot of time too, don't you?
Yeah.
Having two projects is a lie that only fools Soo Jin.
What are you saying, a lie? 
I'm going to demonstrate it soon.
What are you going to do now that you left the company?
Well, you know what people say when they get fired suddenly.
"I don't wan't to think about anything and just rest for a while."
He hasn't contacted you?
Then you should contact him.
I don't want to.
Hey, you chased me so much when you were dating me.
You're a lioness.
You've never committed a sin, have you?
Since I've committed a sin, the world has become scary.
Why is your thinking so complicated?
If you like him, go and hold on to him. 
If you get dumped, regret it then.
- Give me your phone. 
Call him.
- Forget it.
Stop it
You're still the same.
When I am with you, all the problems in the world feel like they're nothing.
I do have that kind of charm.
Kim Soo Jin hit the jackpot.
I'm sorry.
I used you. 
I pushed you in order to catch Director Jo.
Did you do that? 
I left with my own feet.
When was that from that you're still talking about it?
Don't worry
I'll take responsibility for your work and get it back.
Get what back?
Huh?
Soo Jin didn't tell you?
Hmm?
It hasn't even been long since we packed and unpacked.
Now that we've been trained to do it, it's not even difficult.
What are the two of you thinking of doing?
Does it work if I just think of it?
Eun Hye, I'll take care of you.
I can give you work as I'm free lancing.
And who will give me a salary?
If it's money coming from your pocket, I don't want to accept it.
I should skin a flea for its hide.
It would have been possible to try and do something if Writer Bang's work hadn't been stolen.
What about you, Soo Jin?
Yes?
Are you still attached to that piece of work?
- It's actually refreshing.
- Unni.
But I still think that it would be best to return it to Myeong Soo, since it is his.
That's the right thing to do.
I did some research, but this is legally favorable to us too.
If we're going to resolve it, we shouldn't resolve it legally but like human beings.
How dare you come here?
I heard that you didn't go to work today.
You said that you're going to pay the penalty and leave.
Leave. 
I won't stop you.
Fine, drink. 
Acting all venomous.
What's this all about?
Do you know?
How venomous I can get?
Should I show you?
Don't do it.
It hasn't been that long, but you're already scary.
I wanted to hold it in, but I'm getting too curious.
You're not a stranger to me, why did you become one team with that abnormal bunch?
Even while turning your back on our twenty year friendship... so I looked into it.
The answer was beyond my expectations.
Kim Soo Jin.
What are you thinking?
I heard that she's Bang Myeong Soo's girl.
It's just a work related interest. 
I've got my head straight and I'm drawing the line well.
It seems that you're already crossing that line.
Let's stop.
Didn't you come here to beg me?
I'm sorry but let me stick the knife in one more time.
Park Myeong Soo's work, release it.
What?
I'm asking for this favor.
With you included, you all know how to make a person go crazy.
What do you want? 
I'll do it for you.
What I want?
I want the same thing you want.
Hmm?
Kim Soo Jin.
- What are you talking about?
- I'm telling you to steal her from Bang Myeong Soo.
- Are you drunk?
- I won't be able to forgive you.
Yeong Jae, I'm sorry but I won't be able to do as you said.
Why? 
Do you really like Soo Jin?
It seems that way.
I want the same thing that you want.
Kim Soo Jin.
What are you talking about?
Take her away from Park Myeong Soo.
Why did you come here?
To look for my business registration so I can report the business as closing.
What are you doing?
Did you think about my proposal?
That... not yet.
Is it really that difficult to answer the question?
It seems like I'm the type to take a long time organizing things.
Because it seems like a waste after all the work you put in?
You said that you're using it to make a living.
I didn't know that giving something up would be this hard.
It's not that you're doing your work and the person you like at the same time? 
It's the project of the person you like.
It could be that too.
Try a new item.
It may not be that great at first, but won't you see a pretty side to it once you try it?
I'm a bit old-fashioned so I like things that are fresh and old.
But why did you come out here?
I told you. 
I sold my car and I sold my house
Then where are you staying right now?
What do you think, I won't have a place to stay?
I'm sorry, It's because of us...
- If you're sorry, then at least try to redeem yourself.
- Redeem myself?
Do you not have a leftover room at your house? 
I can pay three months rent in advance.
Hah. 
I will leave now.
Director. 
Cheer up!
Woah, woah.
Hey!
You scared me!
I heard the sound of your breath.
Hey, why are you so busy when the company closed down?
The process of closing a business is so cumbersome.
The company going bankrupt is sad enough but they say that I have to pay all the back electricity fees to accept the declaration.
You were ruined for lack of money, but they're saying that you have to spend money for them to let you be ruined?
That's it.
- That's so petty.
- Right?
Hwa Yeong came to the studio today.
Did you hear?
You... 
Why didn't you tell me that my work got stolen?
I just couldn't.
Tell me from now on. 
Okay?
If you tell me, I'll be able to endure and listen no matter how bad the news is.
You got it?
Yes.
What did Hwa Yeong say to you?
She said she's sorry.
What about you? 
What did you say?
"Do you think that I'd stop being angry just because you say something like that?"
"Get on your knees and apologize. 
Don't live like that!"
I scolded her severely.
Oh, you did? 
Then, what happened?
Hey, she pleaded until her hands became feet.
Wow, so that's what happened. 
She could possibly have done that.
You must not recognize my charisma.
You've come to the black master.
- Black master?
- Look at me.
Aigoo, how scary!
Aigoo, you're so scary that I can't live.
But it's nice to have free time and be able to see your face everyday.
You can look at it all night.
Jin Bae is going home tomorrow, so do you want to come over to the studio to hang out?
- Alright.
- Come and hang out. 
Let's watch a movie and eat something good.
Oh, I'm tired. 
I'm so tired.
You said that you were going home today.
- I'm just thinking of going next week.
Hey, your parents probably miss you a whole lot.
I saw them yesterday too.
That's not it. 
You should do all your duty as a child.
What are you planning on doing after you send me away?
Wh-what are you saying? 
I'm not that kind of person.
There's something that I want.
Buy it.
Not this. 
That.
Where do you think you're touching?
Hey.
Promise me right here that you'll treat them preciously.
I got it.
- What time do I need to leave?
- Right now.
Ah, yes.
What are you doing at someone else's store so early in the morning?
Yes, I'll be here from early in the morning for the time being.
Why aren't you at home?
Your family doesn't know that you got fired from the company?
I didn't get fired, I resigned.
You didn't tell them at home?
You didn't tell them that your wedding was called off either?
I couldn't tell my mom when I decided to get divorced either.
It wouldn't come out of my mouth. 
I hid for around three or four months.
When did you tell her?
My mom caught on. 
You can't hide from your family.
Hwa Yeong, you have to tell them sometime.
I can't say it with my own mouth.
How are you going to deal with it? 
That's the problem with kids like you with a strong sense of pride.
Can't you just spill everything that's inside and tell them?
Do it to Yeong Jae too.
You're not going on a trip, Unni? 
You said that you were going.
In the middle of that commotion, when was it that the ticket date came and went?
I'm just thinking about making a round domestically.
I thought that you were leaving forever.
Then what about you? 
You don't have anything to do these days?
Why are you always coming here every day?
I'm bored and I don't see Oppa Myeong Soo these days.
Why are you worrying about them? 
They're probably being all lovey-dovey and living well.
Ah, here, here. 
Here!
Come in.
What's that?
Ah, this.
Wow.
I bought it so that we could eat it.
Do you want to drink something?
Oh, I'm thirsty.
This is delicious.
It is good.
It's good, isn't it?
You want to watch a movie?
You have something?
Choi Shin. 
Classic.
The scary part is coming up now.
Really?
It's coming out now.
It passed.
Why?
♫ I'm turning time around ♫
♫ and looking at you now ♫
♫  In that dark night sky ♫
♫ I scream and beat my chest ♫
♫ Will that road that I walked with you ♫
♫ Will it still be there? 
♫
I love you.
So you're saying you can get the work back, right?
Litigation is the problem.
I'll come to your office for right now.
Thank you, Lawyer Park.
Kim Soo Jin!
You're just coming in now?
Me? 
Me!
?
You're crazy!
-You stayed out all night...
-No!
You said you were going to leave early. 
I see you're already leaving.
I was about to go out, Unni. 
I'm heading out to work.
-I just forgot something here.
-Hurry go.
Yeah. 
Unni, I'll be back. 
Bye.
Wait.
Kim Soo Jin, have you perhaps... seen my curling iron?
Curling iron?
Your curling iron!
I don't know anything about that, Unni.
Figures. 
You don't even do your hair.
I know.
Hey!
What is it?
The back of your head is all scrunched down.
I didn't wash my hair because it's so early.
You keep picking on me today.
What are you doing?
Director! 
You slept here?
To be exact, I was about to sleep here if someone hadn't woken me up ten minutes after I lay down.
I'm sorry.
What is it so early in the morning?
I just didn't have anywhere to go.
I'm in the same position as you, Director.
You're different than me. 
I found a workplace at a nice, reasonably priced flat house.
Really? 
Wow.
-Congratulations.
-Come over sometime.
Yes, I will.
Do you perhaps need anything for your office?
There are a few things that are a waste to throw out but also a waste to give it to someone else.
Let me see.
Just a moment.
There are a few things worth checking out in here.
Can you help me move it?
-Sorry?
-My new office is nearby.
Really?
Okay, I will.
Follow me.
Okay...
What are you doing? 
Put it in there.
What are you doing?
It's here.
Sorry?
- This office?
- Will be here for a short term.
But since I sold my house, this is my entire workshop.
But why out of all places is it here?
I want to start fresh again here. 
With you.
As I already told you, I'm not ready for a new project.
Are you losing your hearing?
I said again.
Why is that jerk doing this?
He wants to do a production together, with Eun Hye and me as employees.
I guess there's a way for him to get your work back too.
Hey, how is he going to do that? 
He should say something after he's already gotten it.
But still, I feel so grateful. 
He's even taking care of Eun Hye.
I'm honestly leaning toward his offer.
Don't do it.
-Why not?
-Are you really asking because you don't know?
Not him. 
No.
Who is it?
You would have seen him back then too. 
That guy who we called Director Jo at the surprise party.
Ah, that thug? 
He was pretending to be close to Ra Ra.
-Even to Ra Ra? 
That crazy...
-No!
That's not it, Jin Bae. 
It's because he's grooming Ra Ra as an actor.
Soo Jin, men's eyes can see the source of all the troubles.
See what?
Something that is... 
like dark.
I asked around and I don't think he is a bad person.
What's wrong with you? 
You used to say he was annoying.
I still feel the same way but I trust him.
Think about it. 
He protected our secret to the end even when it brought a disadvantage to himself.
It's hard to find such loyal people like him these days.
What promise? 
What disadvantage?
You don't need to know.
There's no need to get my work back. 
Throw it away.
-Myeong Soo!
-You already have a lot of doors open without needing that guy.
I do.
But what about Eun Hye? 
What about her?
Ah, I'm losing my appetite.
Soo Jin, do you know how petty that guy is?
Why? 
How is he?
I'm telling you this clearly. 
I don't like it.
-What is it?
-A script.
Wasn't I supposed to be cast in your movie?
I've never said it was for my movie.
- Are you blocking me now?
- If it's not my movie, you don't like it?
No.
That's not it, but...
It's a work from a highly respected newcomer. 
The feel of it is not bad.
Why? 
Are you disappointed that it's a short film?
The role will fit you very well.
Clean your ears out here if you want to grow as an actress.
Are you going to make me a star?
A real actress.
Why? 
You want to become a star?
Then there's no reason for you to do this.
Hello, Director.
What are you doing?
Ra Ra, you decide if you're going to enter this door or turn around here.
I'm not going to lecture you.
I'll trust you, Director.
[Goodnight, Mom ]
[Goodnight, Mom]
Hello!
[Goodnight, Mom ]
Waah. 
It feels so nice to be outside after such a long time.
What happened that you bought a car?
I took a movie audition
The director recommended me.
- Are you going around meeting the director recently?
- What movie is it?
What is this? 
Why is it so thin?
It's a short story
What?
I'm the lead
Oh, what kind of role are you doing?
A career woman like you wished?
But she's the main character? 
She has no lines
The story line is good
You think you can do it? 
No... 
Do you think this suits you?
The director said I could do well
Does the director like you? 
It seemed like he liked Soo Jin
It's not like that.
What do you mean it not like that. 
Then why is he being so good to you?
Wow. 
Well, really...
It doesn't seem like he's treating her that well.
I'm worried.
Don't worry. 
The other director liked my acting.
I'm not talking about your acting, I'm talking about Director Jo.
Don't get infatuated with him just because he's treating you well.
Why?
He's a man that obviously likes another girl, not you.
You think you'll be able to handle that?
We don't have that type of relationship.
Well do your best. 
I'm leaving tomorrow.
- You're going on a trip?
- Where to?
I haven't decided where yet. 
I'm just going to ride the train.
and just get off wherever.
That's so romantic.
It's dangerous for a girl to go alone, should I lend you pepper spray?
[Sleep Well, Mom]
Watch my restuarant for me once in a while
You have nothing to do
Me?
Ra Ra seems like she'll be busy, so there's no one but you.
Everything you need is in the fridge so you can throw it out or make some food and eat it.
This feels strange thinking that I'll be seperated from you two
No, our being together this long is stranger.
♫ The door has become comfortably light ♫
♫ You open the door and go beyond the opening ♫
♫ The snow flurries which are laughing giddily, ♫
♫ A fine powdery snow falls on the scene  ♫
♫ What is it about your hair ♫
♫ being so disheveled under your hat ♫
♫ that is like the road that I am walking ♫
♫ in my dreams where I'm wandering around without a home? 
♫
♫ When it's snowing here in front of Hongik University ♫
♫ You, whom I missed, are going to call me ♫
♫ to tell me that you want to love me ♫
♫ because it's snowing in front of Hongik Universty right now ♫
What are you doing?
Preparing for a new project
When are you going to start it?
The month after next.
I see.
Are you bored?
No, my mind is just restless.
When you're relaxing just comfortably relax.
It hasn't been long since you started resting.
I just feel uneasy. 
Even when I relax, it doesn't feel right, and I feel uneasy when I don't have anything to do.
Of course, I know well.
But think about when you're working. 
You always think about how much you just want to rest.
You're right, that is true too.
You're going to work again soon, so just rest for now.
Ah, what can I do to be able to rest?
Do you want to go somewhere this weekend?
Sounds good. 
The beach. 
The beach sounds good. 
The beach.
- The beach?
- The beach.
Have you and I ever had a day where our free time lined up perfectly?
But you're busy.
I'll come up whenever I can and tell them it's for work. 
Would it ever be longer than 2-3 days?
2-3 days?
Of course. 
The farther from Seoul, the better it is for the trip.
One day isn't enough to go to a beach.
What is the problem? 
I have a car too.
Let's just see how it feels to be comfortable at a place with no other people.
Okay. 
I'll think about it.
Why do you have to think about it. 
We're going.
Hurry and get to work.
I'm having a hard time. 
Cheer me up.
Hmm?
Isn't it time for Jin Bae to come back?
Hey, I'm working really hard, so much that I'm losing strength. 
Cheer me up.
Wh-what are you telling me to do?
Give me a kiss on the lips.
What?
Quickly.
Are you not going to do it properly?
I don't want to.
Then you can't go home.
That's it right?
You really make me angry.
♬ Colorful kisses, red-hot dances ♬
♬ I will give you what you want, so tell me the truth ♬
♬ My girl, my girl, such a pretty baby ♬
Bear, fighting!
♬  Tell me the truth 
♬ When you swing with me, always moving toward your dream  ♬
♬ Hold me now, Hold me tight, Don't let me go ♬
♬  Even if it was the middle of my Sunday night, there wasn't much going on.  ♬
♬ Love me now, love me tight, Don't let me go ♬
♬ Tell me what you're gonna do ♬
Are you here to work or to do community service?
♬ What you wanna do ♬
♬ Tell me everything ♬
♬ Colorful kisses, red-hot dances ♬
♬ I will give you what you want, so tell me the truth ♬

Subtitles brought to you by The Loose Lips Team @ Viki 
Episode 7
Oppa, the Unnis are planning to seduce Director Jo.
Unni Soo Jin is alone at the Namyangju set location.
What should we do?
Director, what's the matter?
Kim Soo Jin, I've made it clear that I don't like to drive, didn't I?
S-Sorry?
What kind of producer orders the director around like a stray dog?
I-I did?
Who are you to move me?
!
Please drive, and don't think about acting like a princess while riding in the passenger seat.
I'll do the driving, but...why did you call me here?
Sorry, did you wait long?
Huh?
Let's go home.
H-how did Myeong Soo get here?
Was it you?
This person, seriously!
Keep still, I want to hear what they're saying.
-What are you doing here?
-Let's get on and then talk.
Soo Jin was going to do the driving.
Soo Jin...
Why should she?
N-Now...what situation are we in, can you please explain it to me?
Later on.
To put it simply, the one who called you here wasn't me.
Sorry? 
Then who called me here?
I don't think this person knows either.
There they are.
Jeez, what a sneaky bastard!
Ugh, so embarrassing.
Things have turned out like this...
Where are you going?
We already got caught. 
Let's say it out.
She's crazy! 
Stay put...
Not going out and staying put here might be more embarrassing.
Enough! 
Come on out now!
♬The roses of Sharon have bloomed.♬
Hey, hey! 
Ah...
We meet again, here.
What are you all doing here?
Being asked to meet here out of the blue, didn't you find it suspicious?
I can see right through it so that it made my face all flushed.
Don't tell me, Director and I...it's not like that right?
That's right.
Excuse me, Mister! 
When are you going to leave?
I'll explain on the way.
Soo Jin, Soo Jin!
Kim Soo Jin!
Studio B
You guys too...
Go back quickly.
Let's meet in Seoul.
No wait...
What huge mistake did we...
Let's just go.
-I'll do the driving-- 
-I said go!
I was so cool just until 10 minutes ago.
-Thanks to you, it's all gone now.
-Mr. 
Director.
Let's talk.
Sorry for offending you during all this time.
For pretending to be fooled by a lame lie, and for not telling the Director despite knowing, thank you.
- Cut the long-winded talk.
What is it you want to say?
About the movie...
I'm sick of it. 
Everyone talks about that when they see me.
I'll make it clear. 
I have no intention to make a movie with you all.
That's great.
Let's not do it.
-What?
-We've already given up on it.
Did you just tell me not to do it?
Who are you to tell me to do or not to do it?
-Did you think I'll do it again?
-Then why did you come to Namyangju?
In life, the worst thing you can do is giving desperate people even the smallest amount of hope.
Soo Jin has finally cleared up her feelings. 
If you keep appearing it'll make things difficult for her.
Did she say that herself? 
That she has cleared up her feelings?
Stop your interest in Soo Jin. 
Even if she gives up on this, she won't go hungry and die.
Don't worry about her, and just get along on your way.
Could it be that you have lingering feelings of some sort?
Aren't you going to the States? 
It seems like you're wanted in many places ... 
Aren't you busy?
It's been a while since I saw Myeong Soo's serious face.
Was he really angry?
Oh seriously! 
Who let it turn out this way?
It's something Oppa Myeong Soo would come to know of eventually anyway!
Could Soo Jin be more of a pro level in dating than we think of her?
No way...
Think about it. 
Director Jo hurried all the way here, didn't he? 
He came despite knowing it was a trap!
Why?
Because he's interested in Soo Jin.
Then who is Unni Soo Jin interested in?
She didn't go with Director, nor did she go with Oppa Myeong Soo.
She's a pro, all right.
There's no way she would get involved with Myeong Soo.
We'll put her together with Director anyway.
Not with the Director!
Look at her...
Do you really like Director Jo?
Not as a director...but as a man?
Even so, if you're the director, no...if you're human!
You shouldn't laugh at other people's sincerity, calling it shabby!
Don't you want to hold on to me?
Because you don't look like you're serious.
It all seems like you're joking.
Hey, Jeez! 
Flies!
After giving it deep thoughts, seducing Director was all you could think about?
Do you not know what he is? 
He's a sociopath just by looking at him
It's fortunate that things ended like that. 
What would you do if anything happened?
If it's with someone like Director Jo, she should be thankful!
Since you've been embarrassed like this, reflect on what you did and stop now.
Hwa Yeong.
Yes?
From now on, you take care of your own marriage. 
We'll take care of our movie as we deem fit.
Also, if you dare play a prank on Soo Jin again...
She's coming now, so you guys better behave well.
Are you being angry at us because of Soo Jin?
If you did something wrong, then you should admit it.
Let's be honest. 
Let's say that's the case for Hwa Yeong and Ra Ra.
Why do you think I unnecessarily involved myself in this?
I only did it for you and Soo Jin, but now you're being angry at me because of Soo Jin?
Honestly, we meant well.
Not because you can't bear to see Myeong Soo and Soo Jin being in a 'some' relationship?
Who's in a 'some'...
Myeong Soo, you say it yourself.
Are you in a 'some' relationship with Soo Jin?
Honestly,
Soo Jin had feelings one-sidedly, didn't she? 
Myeong Soo didn't!
In my opinion, there definitely was something going on. 
Right, Oppa?
-No...
-Myeong Soo, you tell us. 
What kind of a relationship do you have with Soo Jin?
You're here?
I was going to keep it in and forget about it. 
But I couldn't fall asleep.
It's not about waiting for 2 hours and feeling wronged.
It's not about everyone trying to sell me to Jo Geon either.
Who tried to "sell" you...
W-We had good intentions...
I've reflected about it a lot. 
How easy I must appear to be to have this happen.
I know. 
I must have looked easy, right?
This, is no place I should set foot in, right?
In this wonderful Ex-Girlfriend Club where only the people who dated Bang Myeong Soo have the right to be in, as the one who's not qualified...
I'm really sorry to have interfered.
But if things are going to continue like that,
I...might really just date him!
Your feelings must be really hurt, right? 
I don't know why they behaved like that...
Don't say anything. 
I'm so embarrassed I feel like dying.
Taxi fee must have been expensive. 
How much was it?
Forget it! 
So why did you take a taxi there? 
Such a waste of money...
It was urgent, what else can I do? 
Ra Ra said that you were alone.
And so you came?
Why did you leave by yourself?
I escaped. 
There's no way I could face Director Jo Geon...
He also knows that you didn't fabricate this.
I shouldn't have raised my voice and acted prideful in front of him.
I thought I would never meet him again and I... told him he was unlucky right to his face!
You told him he was tactless? 
Wow, Kim Soo Jin you come on strong!
Well... 
I am a bit strong.
But what happened?
Just now, it looked like you were holding hands.
Who's holding hands? 
He was giving me the car keys, asking me to drive!
Who gives car keys...
like that?
When did he give car keys like that?
Like that, he gave it like that.
I don't get the idea of it. 
Do it again exactly.
You're like that, I'm here, I grab you and give it like this.
Didn't notice before, but now that I look at it your hands look small.
-Try holding it!
-Enough, why should I again?
You stayed still after being grabbed by that guy, but let go of my hands?
When did I?
So I must give you a car key so you'll give your hand, huh?
What is he talking about...
Furthermore, my house is this way and your's is that, isn't it!
Hurry up and go. 
Hurry go. 
Hurry.
I can't go.
Didn't you say you were going to date me earlier?
Why would I date you? 
I'm really expensive, you know?
Are those just empty words?
Hey, do you find people easy?
Ah, enough. 
Hurry up and go, I'm telling you.
Hurry up and go. 
Ah hurry up!
Did you find me easy?
Ah why are you so heavy? 
Omo omo Myeong Soo!
Am I that easy?
Ah why are you so heavy?
- Don't be mad.
- Anyway, thanks for coming.
Good night.
Take care on your way back.
This should do it, right?
There's not enough box tape. 
I'll go get it quickly.
I told you there's no need for you to help out, didn't I?
Sorry.
Yesterday...
I think we went overboard.
It was overboard.
We...
Can we talk?
It's about Myeong Soo.
Please just speak honestly.
You're telling me to go and beg the Director!
Nope. 
I'm telling you to let go of Myeong Soo.
W-What are you saying?
Currently the weaknesses of ours, that Director Jo has against us, are Myeong Soo and his webtoon.
If you let go of Myeong Soo, your movie, and my marriage...all will be possible!
That's impossible. 
How can you think like that?
I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
Seriously, you're too much. 
Weren't you once in love with Myeong Soo?
How can you think like that?
It may sound heartless, but abandoning Myeong Soo now, is for his own good.
Think about it carefully.
How much did you drink all by yourself?
Myeong Soo, you came?
Let's go, I'll send you home.
Can't I just get drunk today?
No. 
Do you think I don't know your drunk habits?
Myeong Soo, I... am going to reveal everything from the very beginning to Yeong Jae.
What did you say? 
What are you going to do about it?
What do you mean what?
Well, I'll just have my wedding called off, and I'll probably have to quit my job at the company too.
Hwa Yeong...
My marriage... since you told me to take care of it myself, I will.
Hey.
Don't marry someone who hates your past.
Bang Myeong Soo.
In a woman's life, how many opportunities to get married do you think she has?
It will come once.
But if she loses it, the second opportunity will be a miracle.
Yeon Jae, to me, was a miracle.
And what will you do about Soo Jin?
What about Soo Jin?
If the company goes down, she probably won't have anywhere to go.
She said she's ready to go the free lance route.
If she becomes a free agent now, and so what? 
When will she be able to make a movie?
In order to prepare for a single movie, it could take 3,4 years...maybe even 10.
Doing that when she's 40?
Our Soo Jin, what is she going to survive on until then?
This opportunity is not going to come again.
Soo Jin is so pitiful, such a pity, right?
What would our Soo Jin do?
Aigoo, Soo Jin...
We're all pitiful. 
All pitiful. 
Let's go.
- Soo Jin...
- Pull yourself together.
Sorry, sorry...
So, wait a second. 
Hwa Yeong.
That...
I'll take you home.
Soo Jin...
- Have you paid yet?
- Not yet.
- I'm alright.
- Go safely.
I'm alright.
Can you go alone?
Go, go. 
Thank you.
Ahjusshi, to Jangan-dong.
Go quickly. 
Sorry.
That's good.
I might get punished.
You came?
Why haven't you left?
Just... 
I listed the office for sale with a real estate agency.
Yeah.
If the movie were a success I would have called all the old employees back and filled all the desks here, that was my dream.
Selling those desk won't make money but it's good that there's a place they will be taken to.
I wonder who will use my desk?
Just put it in your house, I'll bring it there.
I can't because it's too cramped.
When I was working here with you, it feels like a dream.
Will there be a day like that one again?
It's alright.
What's the matter? 
For a person who told me not to have lingering feelings and to get lost.
I came to formally apologize.
If I accept that apology, what do I have to do?
Come back again.
Getting a confession from a guy is more disgusting than I thought.
And please keep the secret.
Why should I?
Because I'll move aside.
If I get out then Hwa Yeong's past also disappears.
Would that solve the problem?
Soo Jin...
You can help her, can't you?
You want to do that.
Because of Soo Jin. 
Wow, I'm touched.
I'm begging you.
I don't know about anything else, but aren't you nervous?
About what?
Soo Jin is a charming person.
It's okay because you are not.
That... about you moving aside...
Please explain clearly.
I will leave Jungin Films and I will not touch anything about the movie. 
The script or the scenario, you can do as you like.
Let's add one more condition.
You won't wander in front of my eyes.
Excuse me, I'm from the real estate agency.
We will be looking at the office.
Take a look around.
This is a very good location, and you're getting the best price for the square footage.
This must be a film company.
You must be leaving because it's going well.
We are not leaving.
Didn't you put up the office?
No, we haven't put it up for sale.
No, we did.
We're not leaving!
Please leave.
Ye-ye-yes. 
Excuse me. 
Let's go to another place.
What are you doing now?
Where should I put this?
What's that?
It's not a present. 
It's mine.
Everything is alright in this office but the chair is bad.
Put it over there.
That is Writer Bang's seat.
You've worked hard, Writer.
Now that your work is done, you feel a bit sad?
I feel relieved.
You should rest and let's meet again when your next work comes out.
I do have one that I am thinking about.
What is it about?
It's a story about a man and a woman, who were friends, and they developed a complicated feelings for each other.
- How is it?
- It's a bit common.
If it happens, then--
Is the cheetah the lead?
This time it's a woman's character.
What kind of animal?
A bear.
What's with the atmosphere? 
Though I didn't expect a banner or anything.
You have changed your mind.
I'm seriously contemplating on getting back at one of my friends.
That is out of my character, but ... 
Would you believe me if I showed you?
I met Yeoung Jae this morning and signed the papers.
Why did you change your heart?
Someone told me she can't see the seriousness in me.
I want to try doing this shabby thing sincerely.
Won't you tell Yeong Jae?
I'll see how you act.
Director, if it isn't because you really like this movie,
I hope you don't do something like this.
Soo Ji
- Soo Jin, we should think about it.
Do I like it? 
My temperament pulls me towards what makes no sense.
My mom said to be careful but I failed.
Thank you for everything all this while.
I'm a bit disappointed that you're moving out all of a sudden.
He's getting out because he's doing well. 
He's going to have 2 projects.
Let's meet again after you make another hit.
Yes.
You are leaving? 
On your own?
I have two new projects coming up.
My body is just one. 
The script is done and there's nothing more to do.
Did you by any chance meet with Director Jo Geon?
- Or did Hwa Yeong say anything?
- No.
It's just strange when Director Jo Geon enters and you leave.
All of a sudden the project that was flipped is suddenly going forward.
Did you use a talisman, without me knowing?
I'm going to go and ask him.
Soo Jin.
Sit down for a moment.
There is nothing that you don't know.
I'm really going be starting a new project.
Ask Jin Bae. 
Should I call him?
Where's his number?
Really?
Look into my eyes,
Don't joke around!
It's a really good thing. 
You are going into a movie and I am going into a project.
You can be happy as much as you like.
If there's something that I don't know
I'm not going to let you go.
You won't let me go?
Show me.
Then, we won't see each other often anymore.
We might be busy, but if we want to see each other we can.
If we miss each other?
I can go to your neighborhood everyday.
Then come often to the office. 
You can get updates about the movie as well.
We can see each other outside, okay? 
Why does it have to be the office? 
So dull.
Is it?
I heard you got kicked out. 
That turned out well. 
Wasn't it hard for you since you always did not have enough time?
You were not kicked out, so don't feel disappointed. 
But when are you going to take your things out?
Oppa, you can't take your things out. 
But if you stick with Director Jo, you'd be really running around. 
These people really.
Did he really say he will keep it a secret without any conditions?
I don't know. 
He says he'll be seeing how we act.
He seems to be sincere towards Soo Jin.
Our Director is a professional! 
He's not someone to decide if he's making a movie or not based on personal feelings.
I know that Director Jo is charming, Ra Ra.
Soo Jin and Director Jo being together would be an advantage to us in a lot of things!
I'm just saying this, but don't ever do stupid things again.
Ra Ra, Myeong Soo and Soo Jin are not a thing.
No matter how much you work hard to connect them, it is useless.
I have a good sense of things. 
I am getting the feel.
Alright. 
Okay, let's say there are feelings between Myeong Soo and Soo Jin.
But what do you think if they really start dating?
Ra Ra, do you think you will feel okay?
Is that what you want?
You said so yourself. 
Until you get married and have a child, you don't like Myeong Soo to date other women.
That's true, but what about you?
You said that you don't mind if Myeong Soo dates. 
That just the idea of you being concerned hurts your pride.
I did say that. 
But if he just starts dating randomly,
I don't know.
No, no. 
It turned out well for a lot of things. 
Let's just toast.
Let's do it. 
Here. 
You aren't going to 'chan'?
(chan: the sound of the glasses)
You, this is why you won't do.
It worked out well, it worked out well.
Writer Bang.
Yeah.
Director sent her on an errand.
What brings you here, Writer Bang?
I came to pick up my things.
Take them.
Thank you.
I'm sorry. 
Your head is too big.
I've got attached to you during all these time. 
Please take care.
Come here from time to time.
I only have Eun Hye.
I'm sorry, Writer Bang. 
I can't send you off. 
Goodbye.
Leaving?
Leaving.
You must be leaving.
Hey, that bast--
Does the Director not have hands? 
Why does he keep ordering you around?
It's work.
I usually can't bear women carrying things, but I can't help you today.
My body says no.
Wait a second.
- Let's go out together.
- Forget it. 
Do your work.
Wait a second.
This.
I bought it so we can use it during the workshop.
Couple shoes.
We were indoors, so we weren't able to wear it.
I know, huh? 
We weren't even able to wear it once.
I'll wear it once.
I'm leaving.
- Okay.
- Be well.
Myeong Soo.
You'll be unemployed soon now, so at least do some cleaning.
Instead of just lying to other people saying you're writing a sequel.
Shut up.
Now, now. 
Get up, get up. 
Now, now. 
Ready.
- It's going to start.
- Yes.
Around.
- Yes.
Start! 
Start.
If you're new to working out ... 
One.
Two...
Hey. 
Hey, Kim Soo Jin. 
Get up, do some exercise.
Hey, this is really good. 
It gets rid of your fat.
I've only slept for three hours.
Hey, you wench! 
You have to put some effort in, if you even want to end up with a half way decent guy.
If you're meant to be, it'll all work out.
What the heck does she believe in?
What kind of confidence does she have?
Here.
Kim Soo Jin, is this yours?
It bled into everything, all the kids clothes and everything.
I told you to separate the colors. 
Why don't you pay attention?
You really--
I never put it in the laundry.
I did it! 
Me, me! 
You, I told you not to put dirty clothes in your room, didn't I?
No wonder the smell is just awful! 
The smell!
Why do you go into someone else's room?
Hey, fold the laundry with us!
KARA is the best! 
^^ ♥
I knew you'll be like this.
KARA is the best! 
^^ ♥
Please confirm if it fits into your schedule. 
We will do our best to match yours.
Yes, I understand. 
Yes.
You're late. 
You must be really busy.
You waited for a long time. 
I'm sorry.
It's so busy these days trying to match the filming team.
It's good to be busy. 
This has melted. 
Should I order another one?
No, it's okay, it's okay. 
I had this for a long time, I got it ready to give it back to you.
You don't have to return it. 
Jin Bae has a hundred of this.
Wait a second.
Yes, I'm Kim Soo Jin from Jungin Films.
Yes, I got your mail.
Can you leave out two months from your schedule?
That is, there is a scene that must be filmed before winter. 
Please, Manager.
Yes. 
Yes, I'm asking you. 
Yes.
Sorry!
Had your meal?
I haven't even had my lunch.
Up till now? 
Let's go grab something to eat.
I can't, I don't think there's enough time for it.
I have a meeting soon. 
I need to get over to Gangnam.
Hold on.
CEO! 
Why is it so difficult to get a hold of you?
Are we only using your equipment this once?
Can't you please let us use it in advance? 
I beg you.
Yes, of course. 
We'll make the payment accordingly.
Yes, I've understood. 
Yes.
Sorry.
It's nice to see. 
You look excited.
What are you up to these days?
Because I'm finishing my series this weekend,
I'm thinking of going on a vacation.
Accept it.
No, it's ok. 
You said you're finishing your series?
Yeah, so...
I was thinking about it, and we have never been anywhere far away together before, have we?
Yes.
Accept the call.
Myeong Soo, I'm really sorry, I'll take this one call.
Oh Eun Hye.
What, right now? 
To the office?
They should have contacted us before coming over!
But I'm outside right now...
I get it, yeah.
Myeong Soo...
Go, just go.
No...it's...
It's work, isn't it. 
I called a busy person out for nothing.
I'll call you. 
Let's have something nice to eat the next time.
Hurry up and go, you'll be late.
I'll call.
♫  When you feel all alone  ♫ 
♫  When the fire is out and you're alone in your room  ♫
♫ Within the days which you don't look forward to  ♫
♫ When even the dreams that you held onto all crashed down ... ♫ 
♫ Love ... ♫ 
♫  Love ... ♫ 
It's OK, right?
It's not moving. 
Thank you.
Didn't I ask you to get a part-timer? 
I can't always be here for you.
Why, are you going somewhere?
Not immediately.
If I...ask you to stay beside me?
Since, the monsoon season is coming soon, spray anti mold-agent.
I'm leaving because I have to turn in my last script.
I heard that it's the last of your series this week?
What are you going to do?
I might go for a trip or something. 
I'm still thinking about it.
That's good. 
Let's go together.
I want to go get some air too.
Since I'm always in the shop, I'm getting frustrated.
It will be boring and difficult on you.
I'll have to take pictures for the comics too.
It'll be better if I go alone.
Is that so?
I'll get going.
♬ Love is so miserable. ♬
♬ So called love is bad. 
♬Tell me just once. ♬
Yes, but we're looking for actresses.
If there is a vacancy we'll contact you.
Unni, Unni, Unni!
Do you know whose call I answered just now? 
Son Gyeong Ho.
Oh, really? 
Why did he call?
He asked if we had any casting vacancies!
He said if it were Director Jo Geon's movie, he would be willing to appear as a supporting actor.
Really?
I think the rumor has spread in this industry.
There has been so many phone calls since morning.
Ah, there's still something good about having a famous director.
When would we experience this kind of thing?
I will really treat Director Jo well from now on.
- Alright.
- Unni, do you want to see the audition list?
What are you doing? 
In the office?
Are you doing well?
You must be very busy...
The three of you are always together it seems?
We're actually not close, not at all.
There's no reason for us to be either.
I like the Unnies though.
Soo Jin, I heard you fired Myeong Soo?
Sorry?
What do you mean "fired"? 
It's just that their collaboration ended.
So Myeong Soo got completely thrown away after being used.
Soo Jin aren't you too heartless?
Getting a hold of a famous director and abandoning Myeong Soo.
No...it's...it's not like that.
Basing on the webtoon, you have no right to say that, Ji Ah.
What...does that mean?
You dumped and left Writer Bang in order to get married, didn't you?
Now that you're alone and are longing, are you trying to get back together with him?
Oppa Myeong Soo's series is going to end this week, shall we throw him a party?
Come to think about it, we didn't even have a company dinner when he left.
How sad must he have been?
After having been betrayed by his friend.
Have a glass of water.
So compatible!
Why don't you give up?
Oppa!
Writer Bang, why are you here?
Why did you call me?
What do you mean why? 
It's because I haven't seen you in a while.
There's something I forgot, let's see each other next time. 
Sorry.
Myeong Soo!
I'll excuse myself for a while...
What was that?
I told him to stay away from my sight. 
He sure does not listen.
You must do it harder.
Myeong Soo!
I thought...you were really busy. 
Turns out you were here.
That's not it. 
We just came in for a meal for a while.
Why didn't you reply to the messages?
You didn't have time to do that?
You were so busy on your own all this while, and now, you're having dinner with the Director.
No...
I stayed up all night till this morning, and I only just came.
But still, I...tried to understand you.
How busy must she be? 
She must be really tired, right?
I even worried for you.
Sorry.
But you know I wasn't having fun.
You...
You were exactly like that 3 years ago, you know?
Then, I too...tried to be considerate, waited, and smiled for you.
Just putting in so much effort and we...
You thought we dated, right?
I didn't.
Because we only got this far, that's why we were only friends.
Yes, Manager?
Yes, I received the profile.
Yes, for now I'll...
Yes, I understand. 
Alright.
Friends...
Oh... ♫ To hell, I'll go ♫
Hyung, where are you going?
Where my feet take me. 
Where there's nobody.
Oh, my! 
An analogue.
Ohh, hoho!
Flip, flip, flip. 
With a pencil.
-Sketch, sketch, sketch...
-You're really good at showy stuff.
Who are you planning to seduce while drawing?
I ought to! 
I just ought to!
Haha, but I'll be alone now!
Alone! 
Yes, yes!
♫  The way my heart feels towards you ... ♫ 
♫ Is it okay for me to feel this way? 
♫
♫  That dim light ... ♫ 
♫ It is blinking. ♫
♫ While in a deep experimental sleep ♫
♫ Wake me up ♫
♫ While sleeping ♫
♫ Countless mistakes ♫
♫ Every single one comes alive again ♫
♫ And comes to a stop ♫
♫ The things that passed ♫
Hello.
♫ Everything of the past ♫
That over there, I was wondering...
♫ My confidence comes back again ♫
♫ They have no choice to welcome me. ♫
♫ Many stories ♫
♫ They are deceiving ♫
♫ I'm leaving to somewhere again. ♫
♫ They're flying away ♫
♫ The things that passed ♫
♫ Everything of the past ♫
Tada! 
Look carefully.
♫ My confidence comes back again ♫
Wow, the sun is rising!
Didn't you say you want to go the beach the day you're done here?
♫ All the things that we've done before ♫
♫ It reminds me again ... ♫ 
♫ Without a choice, they welcome me. ♫
Ajusshi, what are you drawing?
A bear.
Huh? 
But there's nothing like a bear.
Because I can't remember the bear.
- He says he can't remember a bear.
- Wow.
I'm really good at drawing bears.
-You draw bears well?
-Yes.
This bear isn't the same as that bear.
Then?
Hey, you know this bear?
Yes.
Goal!
Oppa, I miss you~ When will you come back?
When are you coming?
When will you come? 
What day? 
What time? 
Bus? 
Train?
You're too much.
Kim Soo Jin.
To the readers who have loved 'Introducing my girlfriends' up till now,
This week for the last time I'll be leaving 'Girlfriends'.
Thank you to everybody who has loved 'Girlfriends' so far.
Myeong Soo...
I like yo--
♫  What is real ♫
♫  My memory hasn't even dreamed of once the position I'm in now ♫
If you meet the person you used to like again, do you think you'll be able to like him again?
♬ You told me ♬
Hmm. 
For me...
♬ to not be cold ♬
If it were me,  instead of liking him again, I think ♫ and said in the end ♫
I'd have been able to continue to like him.
♫ Everyone is left behind. ♫
♫ Someday ♫
So, ♬ As expected ♬ 
There's no need to let your spirits down.
♫ You may know ... ♫ 
You too.
♬ without being able to say anything ♬
You're having it harder than I am, I know.
♬ Now the tenderness, the laughter too, have left me far away.♬
♬  Now the tenderness, the sky too, which I can't see now ♬
Let us be...
♬ What is real ♬  not as a fake couple, but...
♬ What is real ♬  a real couple 
What's that?
♬  Tell me the truth  ♬

Subtitles brought to you by The Loose Lips Team @ Viki
Oppa Myeong Soo said that we should all gather tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
Why?
He and Soo Jin are really dating? 
I might just explode.
What about you, Unni? 
What do you think you'll do if they announce that they're dating?
I'll have to congratulate them then.
Sincerely?
♫  If the flower's petals wither,  ♫
♫ Don't be sad ♫
Noona.
Are Hwa Yeong and Ra Ra here?
They're going to come.
Don't you smell something?
How can you be thinking so lackadaisically?
Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.
Man, the handle is melted. 
Don't touch it.
I'll do it.
No! 
Don't!
Myeong Soo. 
Myeong Soo! 
Myeong Soo!
Oppa!
Part 9
Be quiet! 
Did somebody die or something?
How is he?
There's a risk of infection so even if blisters form you can't touch them.
You have to maintain today's dressing exactly as is and return tomorrow for treatment.
Will there be a scar left behind?
There could be a small one.
Omo, that would be sexy!
Hey.
Who is the guardian here?
♫ The rose of Sharon has bloomed, the rose of Sharon has bloomed ♫
Are you not his family?
I'm his girlfriend.
- You're his ex-girlfriend.
- Pardon?
So, this person is his ex-ex-girlfriend.
No, wait. 
Is it the ex-ex-ex-girlfriend?
I am his guardian.
Why are you his guardian, Soo Jin?
Well you're not his guardian, Unni.
Then is it you?
I look the best.
Forget it. 
I'll do it.
You're not the guardian, you're the perpetrator.
Please just let all four of us be the guardians.
Only one person is needed.
Who seems like the guardian to you, Unni?
Huh?
Why are you asking her? 
You should ask Myeong Soo.
Let's just let anybody do it.
Once you decide, please tell me.
Soo Jin.
You do it.
♫ Bye bye bye bye bye, bye bye bye bye bye ♫
♫ Bye bye bye ♫
Then why did you pour water there?
I don't know. 
I wasn't thinking.
How can you run a restaurant when you don't even have any common sense?
Sorry that I don't have any common sense.
Are you getting dementia, Unni?
Please... 
My body's already hurting, so let my mind be at ease at least.
Why? 
Are you hurting somewhere, Oppa?
Please.
Everyone leave. 
I'll stay by him.
Why are you the one who gets to stay behind?
You said that I'm the perpetrator.
So I guess you do have some sort of conscience.
You leave too, Noona. 
I'm fine.
You just called a busy person over and pointlessly freaked me out.
But, why did you tell all of us to gather today?
Tell us, Oppa.
No!
I don't know if you won't be able to believe me, but the only person that I've really loved is you, Myeong Soo.
If you want to forget me, then erase this video.
But, if you still love me even just a little bit, will you not erase this and keep it?
It's the cat, isn't it?
How did you know?
She's Myeong Soo's first love.
I'm sorry.
I must have lost my mind for a moment.
Why were you in such a daze?
I heard that you're dating Soo Jin.
Ra Ra said so.
Yeah.
I felt a little bad.
So that's why you couldn't concentrate?
Why did you do that when you're the world's coolest person?
I guess I'm not cool.
I must be pretending to be cool.
You regret letting me go now, don't you?
I... am a pretty good guy.
You're right. 
You're a totally good man.
There's no use in flattery. 
I'm going to make you pay for the treatment. 
Just you wait.
I... 
The whole time I was living with him,
I was thinking about you.
He didn't love me.
Well, I have nothing to say because I didn't love him either,
but I wanted to try to do well with him.
I said that it would work if I forgot that I was a woman and that it would work if I just lived as a person, but what didn't work about that was
that I remembered being loved by you.
I know how it feels to be treated well as a woman, to be treated warmly and be protected,
and to be loved. 
I know how that feels.
I know that I received my punishment.
But I can't say that I'm going back to you.
I have my pride too.
Soo Jin!
Kim Soo Jin! 
Hey!
Why are you running away?
What did you see that you're running away?
- I know everything.
- What do you know?
I saw everything.
Why haven't you erased the video of Ji Ah in your camera yet?
Is it because you really couldn't forget her that you didn't erase it?
Do you know how old that camera is? 
I didn't even know that was in there.
You said you cried the most when you guys broke up, but you didn't know?
Why should I remember that when I don't feel anything for her anymore?
Then how about the t-shirt? 
Why was Ji Ah wearing the t-shirt that I wore?
What t-shirt?
Let's stop this. 
Let's stop it.
Kim Soo Jin.
Why did we go to Ji Ah's restaurant today?
- That was~ 
- You still like Ji Ah, right?
Isn't that right?
That's why you embraced her to protect her earlier.
Your action earlier wasn't a conscious move.
Your body moved first, right?
Tell me honestly. 
Who is the person you really like?
!
I'm going crazy here! 
Seriously!
Just tell me honestly. 
Just tell me who it is honestly!
Kim Soo Jin, do you want to know?
♫ As expected, ♫
♫ you know it, don't you? 
You can't say it ♫
♫ Now ♫
♫ you've left me and gone far away,  ♫
♫ That tenderness ♫
♫ That laughter too ♫
♫ I can't see them ♫
Even if you two date, there won't be a happy ending.
♫ anymore ♫
The past will eventually grab your ankles.
Happy ending.
Screw it.
♫ What is real? 
♫
♫ What is real? 
♫
♫ What is real? 
♫
Go now.
Shall we walk around another time?
You're a patient.
My legs are perfectly fine.
Don't scare people from now on.
Do you know how terrified I was thinking that something had happened to you?
I won't even go near dangerous places anymore.
I'm really scared too.
I feel uneasy.
I feel uneasy too.
Even so, my feelings for you will win over the fear.
We'll have a happy ending, right?
You're my ending.
Ah, it hurts so much!
Drink this. 
It's vitamin C.
Will this get better because I drink this?
Ah, I told you to stop touching it so much! 
It's going to get infected.
What should I do? 
It's getting bigger and bigger.
Is this a disease or something?
I told you it popped up because you're tired. 
Drink this and then get some rest.
Ugh, this is so annoying! 
How can I go to work with this!
Drink it down.
I need to put something on it.
Hey, do I look really weird?
You're pretty.
- What's wrong with you?
- Did something happen?
Unni. 
Brother-in-Law.
I love you.
You... 
Did you cause an accident?
If you call it an accident, then it's an accident. 
A really big one.
This girl, you...
How much is it worth this time?
- I don't think it's that kind of accident.
- Shut up.
I said, how many zeros is it going to be?
It's nothing like that.
D-did you possibly... hit someone?
Forget it.
What is she saying right now?
Well, I think it's something good.
Something good? 
What kind of good?
You know what it is. 
Hurry up and tell me.
Ouch! 
You can tell just by looking at her. 
She's dating.
Dating? 
Oh!
With that Director? 
The one that speaks English so well? 
It's not him?
Then...
This little girl, I ought to just—
Why? 
What's wrong? 
They like each other!
Hey, let me go!
Hey, you girl! 
Hey, let me go. 
This won't do. 
I said let me go. 
Hey!
Let me go. 
Why, of all people, is it a cartoonist?
!
It's pretty.
Don't I look fat in this?
Not at all. 
It's perfect.
But wasn't the third one from earlier better?
- The third one?
- Yeah.
That one was good too.
Then, which one is the best between that one and this one?
Both of them are pretty.
I'm going to put that one from earlier again, so watch closely. 
Close.
Black bean noodles.
Man...
I'll do it for you, I'll do it.
Noona, he was doing just fine before you came. 
He was ripping off two hundred push-
What is it? 
What's up with your facial expression?
Here it is. 
You'll have to eat it quickly so you can get better.
I'll do it for you, I'll do it.
What should we do about you being hurt?
- I want this one.
- You want to eat this one?
Here. 
Ah!
Aigo, you're eating well.
Did you take your medicine?
How did you sleep when you're hurting?
I couldn't sleep even a wink.
Who was the one who was snoring last night?
My Myeong Soo should eat one more dumpling.
That one.
The black bean noodles? 
Okay.
Here. 
Ah!
Aigo, why did you smear it on your face? 
Come here.
When are you going to the hospital?
- Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?
I'm scared. 
The antiseptic solution stings to the point that I can't handle it.
Shall we go together?
Can we?
I'll speak well to them and get off work.
Would that punk let you come?
I'll take care of that. 
You just take care of your body.
Hurry up and eat.
Eat a lot!
Oh, where are you hurting? 
Where are you hurting? 
Aw, does it hurt? 
I'll blow on it for you.
Ah, I'm not eating, I'm not eating. 
I'm not.
Jin Bae, you're not eating?
Let him go. 
You must be hungry in order to draw well.
Hurry up and eat.
Eat a lot.
Yes, I checked that in advance.
Yes. 
I think it'll be fine if you could just find out about that.
Ah, yes. 
Then please confirm it as that.
Yes, I understand! 
Alright.
Unni, is today a special day or something?
Why are you working like crazy to finish your stuff at once?
It's nothing.
Ah, it's all done.
Yeah, yeah.
Unni, why are you acting like that?
Nothing, my body started shivering since last night.
I guess I caught a cold.
You were fine just a minute ago.
If you're sick, then just leave work early. 
There's nothing to do this afternoon anyway.
Could I leave the office just because I'm sick?
That's right. 
How can this work?
What did you say?
Ah, nothing.
♫ I really like you If it's alright with you, ♫
♫ If you only want it, if you're okay with it ♫
♫  As easy as you please do as you wish♫
What is a patient doing right now?
So unsanitary.
♫  As long as you want it, if you like it♫
♫ I like anything ♫
This is it.
You want me to serve you water too?
You're making me do all sorts of things.
Thank you.
Take it.
You ate thirty minutes earlier. 
I matched the time and came.
Ah, right now?
What are you doing?
Aigo, right now...
Yes.
Go home. 
Hearing the sound of you coughing in the office is a hardship.
So, take some medicine.
Yes.
Yeah, I'm here.
Where are you?
What is this?
What is this?
I bought a car. 
Ow!
Are you okay?
Why did you buy a car?
Isn't this one that's been discontinued?
This hyung I know used to drive it. 
I bought it at cheap price.
How much did you pay for it?
- $2,000.
- $2,000?
How is a car worth $2000?
But does this go?
Get in first, Madame.
- You said we were going to the hospital again.
- We are going to the hospital. 
Get in.
Wait! 
That side doesn't open.
Get in on this side.
It seems the windows don't close.
There are no windows.
Huh?
This car has been in an accident.
A-an accident?
Don't worry. 
There were only two large accidents.
Two times.
- Ah, I'm hot.
- Why are you hot? 
Shall I turn on the air conditioner?
Low.
There's no air conditioner either?
Why is there no air conditioner? 
It's voice regulated. 
Should I turn it stronger?
- Wait.
- High!
I don't think I'm hot. 
It's okay. 
Hold on to the steering wheel.
I got it, I got it.
Then, do you want to listen to some music?
If it's... 
If it's what I think it is, then just don't do it.
- What do you think that it is?
- It's fine, just... ♪ La la, I love you. 
I love you girl, you are my entire world.
- Okay, okay, okay. ♪ Sing out loud!
- Wow!
- Tada!
Did you make this?
I only prepared food at Noona Ji Ah's restaurant, but I haven't prepared something only for you.
This is only for you to eat.
Wait, when did you do this with that hand? 
It must have been awkward.
I'm telling you that only you can eat Bang Myeong Soo's cooking from now on. 
I'm not going to make it for anyone else.
So, even if there are other things that arise besides a video, just trust me.
Are other things going to happen? 
Let me know. 
I have to prepare my heart.
There's nothing.
- Is there?
- Hey!
I'm going to dust out all my belongings and organize them.
Then I'll gather all of my ex-girlfriends together and tell them that we're a couple.
♫ Is that road ♫
Give it. 
I'll feed you.
♫ that I walked with you ♫
Ah.
♫ still ♫
- Aigoo, you're eating well.
- Here, try this.
- It's good, isn't it?
- Yeah!
Unni, what's the thing posted outside? 
Are you not going to open?
Yeah, I'm planning to go on a trip.
You live alone, right, Ra Ra?
Yes. 
Why?
I think that if I leave all of this food, I'm going to end up throwing it away.
All of these sauces are new, so do you want to take it?
Unni, why are you doing this all of a sudden? 
Did something happen?
What happening? 
It's that my 'itchy feet' have returned.
What's the 'itchy feet' now?
Oh!
Ji Ah, are you going somewhere?
My friend lives in Brisbane. 
I'm thinking of going there.
♫  I felt very nervous that I couldn't sit still. ♫
What's up with this? 
The mood is no fun.
Why did you call us? 
What is it that you have to say?
Is there something else that only I don't know?
It's something that you know too. 
Let's talk later when Hwa Yeong gets here.
♫ I felt too confined. ♫
♫  I felt so nervous that I couldn't sit still. ♫
Kids!
We've got a guest that we'll all be happy to see.
♫ At night I opened the window and made my confession to the moon. ♫
♫  I confessed my ardent love to the moon  ♫
♫  I vented and went at the helpless moon ♫
What's up now?
This is yours, Ra Ra.
What is this?
This is Saint Rose Oil!
Awesome!
I don't know if you'll like it.
Wow, this is really hard to find.
But why are you giving this to me?
That's not the main dish.
♫ Love is ... ♫ 
They're wedding invitations.
Everyone will come, right?
Of course! 
You're going to come too, right, Director?
Of course he is. 
He's the best man.
Best man on the groom's side.
Oh, the tux is going to look great on him. 
What should I wear?
Go to the studio and pick out something that you like.
I already told the manager.
Studio?
What studio?
For the wedding shoot.
Since you guys are the bride's best friends, you'll have to become her bridesmaids.
It's going to be totally fun, right, you guys?
Writer Bang and Soo Jin, please come hang out with us at the studio that day as well.
We're having a party after.
Us...
- Us too?
- Yes.
Please be sure to come, Writer Bang.
I couldn't say that we were dating today either.
Sorry.
You can do it slowly.
But, we don't need to go to Hwa Yeong's wedding shoot, do we?
Shall we not go?
I'm fine with it. 
I want to go and congratulate them with a good heart.
Going there to smile for them and congratulate them isn't that big of a deal.
Go and don't look anywhere else; just look at me.
You got it, right?
I don't want to.
Wh-wh-why?
It's ridiculous. 
We're not even friends.
But do you really not have any friends, Unni?
Who did you hang out with while you were in school?
I only studied.
So you were an outcast.
What? 
Hey, seriously...
If you followed us to the workshop and met Yeong Jae, then you should be responsible!
Why should we?
Do you really want to go?
No, I don't feel good about it, but the past isn't important. 
The future is what's important.
Do you think Director Jo will be in your future?
You never know what will happen in the future. 
I want to do it.
Sincerely?
Ra Ra, do you not know what bridesmaids are for in a wedding photo shoot?
You should know since you're an actress. 
They are the kids at the sidelines to make the lead actress shine.
Don't you get it?
Just do it!
♫ Memories flow down ♫
♫ They're wetting my heart ♫
You're here?
♫ She cannot forget ... ♫ 
I heard that you're closing your business and going on a trip?
I thought that I should return this.
I have something to return to you too.
♫ I heard the news. ♫
♫ Ah~ Ah~~ ♫
♫ Wind: go ahead and be windy. ♫
I didn't think that it would be proper for me to delete it.
Did Myeong Soo give this to you?
No.
It just ended up coming to me.
This is my and Myeong Soo's memories.
Who are you to erase it or not?
Because your memories are the present to me.
I started with Myeong Soo.
Do well.
You're not going to Hwa Yeong's wedding shoot tomorrow, right?
Looks like you're happy that I'm not going.
There's nothing good or bad about it.
I just think it'll be a little disappointing if you don't come, since it'll be an atmosphere where everyone but you will be congratulating Hwa Yeong on her marriage.
So you're saying I'm the only petty one here.
Everyone experienced it anyway, it's just a pity if one is out of the picture.
I think everyone would talk about you a lot.
Are you saying that they'll talk about me behind my back when I'm not there?
That's not it.
Why did you come here?
I came to say goodbye before you leave.
I think you're here to stir my emotions.
Hey, I told you let's just go when it ends.
Hwa Yeong said to come earlier.
That's all to tease you. 
This is why you're a bear.
What's wrong with helping out a little?
It's not like she's telling me to wear a dress and take pictures with them.
It's going to be really a sight seeing a bear wearing a dress.
Excuse me...
Do I really have to wear it too?
Of course. 
If one person dropped out, then you should stand in their place.
They say it's better to have an odd number of groomsmen. 
Do you have anyone else to invite?
Shall I call Oppa Myeong Soo? 
He's pretty.
Hey!
Omo! 
You came even though you said you weren't?
I'm not going to let all of you have all the fun without me. 
That can never happen.
It's a good thing you came, Unni.
But Bride. 
I saw the dress. 
Will you be okay?
Well...
Where do we change into?
Then, I don't have to wear it, right?
Are you telling me you don't want to be my bridesmaid?
Do you think I'd be happy taking pictures with these guys?
That's not it.
Why are you giving this to me?
I borrowed it from the studio here. 
I think it'll fit you.
I didn't think I would be taking pictures when I came here.
Why? 
Everyone has to take them together later.
Soo Jin is probably getting ready right now too.
Change and then come out.
Oh my. 
You're going to be in your ex-girlfriends wedding album.
Do you understand the deep meaning behind me telling you not to hang around me now?
Who picked this dress out? 
My face looks totally dull.
It's because you're old, Unni.
The dress is totally tight. 
Your back will probably bust out of it.
The problem is that my breasts are too big.
I was talking about the size of your waist.
You have to do this regularly to improve your skill. 
Should I do it for you?
- No, I'm trying to improve my skill as well
Have you seen Yeong Jae?
He's probably changing clothes.
Are you not going to tell him?
I'm going to.
Do you not see that I'm looking for the right timing?
When are you going to do it then?
After you give birth to your child? 
Tell him before the wedding day.
Yeong Jae is giving you his best. 
Don't you even feel sorry?
Do you think that I feel comfortable?
I can't even sleep when I think about it.
Tell him so we can sleep in peace.
- Geon.
- Huh?
About Hwa Yeong... 
Perhaps...
Never mind.
I don't know how to get around wearing this.
Bride, please go to the center. 
Yes, you can just take a seat.
Okay.
Let's take a picture with the bridesmaids. 
Alright.
- Pretty?
- Pretty.
If you could just squeeze in closer.
Let's get closer. 
What's wrong with you?
Soo Jin, Soo Jin.
Stop that.
- I'm taking it.
- Smile.
- 1,2,3, Smile!
- Smile!
- Alright.
- Oh, it's hot.
It's hot because we're squeezed in.
Hey, hey, can you move a little?
Squeeze in, and smile!
Alright.
Do it so that he can see you. 
So he can see you!
Alright! 
That's great!
Smile!
Yes.
I'm outside right now.
I'll send you an e-mail as soon as I get back to the office.
Alright. 
Yes.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Huh?
It's like it's not you.
Why? 
It doesn't suit me?
I can't say anything because you're too pretty.
Come on.
You're pretty, too.
I have to go back in.
Wait.
- Just 30 seconds.
- We can't.
Just 30 seconds.
1,2,3, 4. 
See.
I wish it were just the two of us, like this.
Writer Bang.
Soo Jin, what were you doing? 
We were looking for you. 
Please go in.
Yes.
Let's go. 
Let's go.
Please flash a happier smile. 
Yes, that's it.
Good, yes.
Next, can we have the groom look at the bride? 
Yes, that's it.
Doing great!
Yes, that's it! 
If you could smile a little more.
Must be nice.
These kinds of things only cost money, there's no point in it. 
They should just save it and build a house
Yes, that's good! 
Let's take one more picture.
For the last one, please look at each other.
let's end it with a smile.
- You did well.
- Thank you.
So then, shall we take one with everyone together?
Please come.
Let's take it. 
This is such a precious moment.
I'm taking it. 
Please squeeze in a little more.
Look over here. 
Yes.
Great!
Alright.
The people in the middle, if you could smile a little more.
Look over here, please.
Looking good!
Alright, I'm taking the picture!
Ugh, my blood is not circulating properly.
I'm hungry. 
Is there nothing to eat?
Why?
I think I have to go.
How can you just leave? 
We're going to have a party.
I think leaving is the right thing to do.
Why? 
Soo Jin is here, too.
A couple should move together.
Isn't that right, Soo Jin?
Couple? 
What couple?
You tell me. 
What couple?
I'll talk about it at another time.
Oppa and Unni are dating.
What?
Is that true?
Yeah. 
Soo Jin and I are dating.
I like Soo Jin.
Is that so.
You're not bothered?
You're okay with it?
I don't feel that great, but what else can I do? 
It's their lives.
Marriage must be great.
Seeing how Jang Hwa Yeong has turned into this.
Do well. 
Myeong Soo is a great guy.
But you'll suffer a little.
I would know, since I've dated him.
Yeong Jae! 
Yeong Jae!
Yeong Jae.
It must have been fun for all of you, turning me into a fool.
Yeong Jae, I'll explain.
You knew too, didn't you?
You're the worst, you bastard!
Yeong Jae.
Yeong Jae!
Unni, your house is great. 
How much is the monthly rent?
The house is mine.
Do you have an extra room?
Are you alright?
- Don't you have to go to the hospital?
- If she goes to the hospital, should we ask for a shot, or medicine?
It's not that bad that the wedding has been called off early.
There would just be more complications if it's get called off later.
Aren't you hungry?
I've been starving since yesterday because of the dress.
What happens now?
Can't the Director say something good to the Head Director?
I think their friendship has been broken, too.
Even my movie role has gone out of the window now.
Is that so? 
My memory is going out the window.
My movie went out the window.
My life went out the window.
Give me a glass.
- Are you okay?
- I'm just going to drink and die.
Don't drink.
Drink.
It's so sweet.
If it were me, I'd run to him, get on my knees, and beg to him.
I can't do that.
The feeling of letting go of your pride is much better than letting go of a good man and regretting it.
I agree.
You can meet good men anytime.
No, it's not easy.
It's not easy.
That's right. 
There are a lot of men, but not a lot of good men.
You must be happy, Unni.
Nothing's going well for us, but you're with Oppa Myeong Soo.
Sorry for ruining a good day.
But, you have to accept it.
Let's congratulate them.
How long will they last?
If you get dumped by Myeong Soo, you'll officially be our comrade.
See you then, Soo Jin.
- Ji Ah, that's— 
- Congratulations.
But you don't care if I keep in contact with Oppa Myeong Soo, right?
I played a huge part in getting you two together.
Ra Ra, that's—
Did you just date him rashly?
What did you say before? "I'll just date him!"
Is that it?
I like Myeong Soo. 
Sincerely.
I decline any other choices from now on!
Ah, seriously.
The Head Director is in the middle of a meeting.
We can't tell you when can he have a meeting with you.
You stood there all day?
So he's punishing you.
The Head Director is fierce.
Isn't it a given? 
Not just one person, but everyone deceived him.
Did you eat anything?
Give up, Hwa Yeong.
Should I try and meet with the head director once?
Should you meet him? 
Yeong Jae looks easygoing, but he's scary once he's crossed.
I want to apologize to him.
Do you think anything will change just because he got an apology?
He even got betrayed by the best friend that he trusted.
Yes, what Yeong Jae said was right.
I'm the worst.
I'm sorry. 
He needlessly found out because of us...
What are you sorry for?
We're all partially at fault. 
Though of course, only one is the cause.
Why did you have to say you were doing a movie?
- What did I do wrong?
- Oppa isn't the one who lied.
It's not the time for us to quibble over who is at fault.
Why did we just happen to say that right then?
We're not the ones who said it.
- Said what?
- They are dating.
Oppa Myeong Soo and Soo Jin are.
♬ Colorful kisses, red-hot dances ♬
♬ I will give you what you want, so tell me the truth ♬
♬ My girl, my girl, such a pretty baby ♬
Are you waiting on a car?
♬ Tell me the truth ♬
Yeah. 
I'm waiting on a taxi.
♬ When you swing with me, always moving toward your dream ♬
Goo Geun Yeong.
What?
I have a condition. 
Use your real name, not your fake one.
♬ Even if it was the middle of my Sunday night, there wasn't much going on. ♬
♬  Love me now. 
Love me tight. 
Don't let me go ♬
♬  Tell me what you gonna do  ♬
♬  Do it together with me.  ♬
♬  Tell me what you gonna do  ♬
♬ Tell me everything, uh uh  ♬
Take my hand.
I'll shake up your entire world.
♬ I will give you what you want, so tell me the truth ♬
♬ My girl, my girl, such a pretty baby ♬
Would that be fun?
♫ Tell me the truth ♫

Ripped By mstoll
--Master Cromwell.
Madam, your daughter should sit.
Stand up straight!
This is Master Cromwell!
He used to be a money lender.
Now, he writes all the laws.
I have heard all about your new bill.
Inducing the King to describe himself as the head of the Church?
The Pope is the head of the Church everywhere!
The lawfulness of all government flows from the...
The three.
Will you not sit down, Princess Mary?
It's just the heat.
Well, I beg you, madam, to consider it in this way.
The King has merely defined a position which ancient precedence...
Ancient precedence?
Precedence that you've invented these last three months.
As for induced, Your Highness knows the king cannot be led.
But he can be enticed.
He has ridden off without saying goodbye.
He's never done that before.
Never.
Well, I think he means to hunt out of Chertsey for a few days.
With the women.
The person.
Your Highness will be going to another palace.
He has chosen the More in Hertfordshire, which as you know is very comfortable.
It was one of your Cardinal's houses, wasn't it?
So it's bound to be lavish!
I expected this.
But I didn't expect he would send a man like you to tell me.
I want to give you something.
A present.
Name anything you want.
What is it?
This bill of yours.
It's not my bill.
Taking power from the bishops, making Henry head of the Church.
Aren't you afraid?
Of what?
There's this girl called Elizabeth Barton making prophecies.
They're calling her the Holy Maid.
She's saying
Henry won't reign for a year if he marries Anne.
And there's a new star by the moon and the last...
It's not a star, it's a comet.
And the last time it appeared was under King John.
And the cattle stopped breeding and the grass stopped growing and the birds fell from the sky.
Well, I'm sure if that happens we can reverse our policy.
I don't believe in omens.
They've arrested a barrister.
James Bainham. 
You know him, don't you?
Yeah, he's a good man.
He was handing out the Gospel in English.
What if they torture Bainham?
What if he gives names?
More said to me, Thomas More, already knows my name.
Those for the bill, to my right.
Those against, to my left.
I think the ayes have it.
The ayes have it!
Majesty.
Congratulations. 
I take it the division of the house is your idea.
I thought this way, His Majesty could see who was with him and who against him.
In the Commons, at least.
I know Stephen is opposed to the bill, Cromwell.
I don't want a servant who will agree with everything.
We need men who aren't afraid of controversy.
Now, I know you two quarrel.
You must learn to pull together.
This winter, you have to be yoked to the plough.
You won't find it so easy passing your bills through the House of Lords.
Thomas More and the old aristocracy are for the Pope, and not afraid to say so.
Well, we'll see.
Archbishop Warham, this, uh, prophetess you harbour in your diocese, Eliza Barton.
How's she getting on?
What do you want, Cromwell?
Well, I hear that she's telling people that if the King marries Lady Anne, he has only a year to reign.
I just wondered who was controlling her.
She may be a simple country girl, but she has a genuine gift.
She does, doesn't she?
I hear she can tell you where your dead relatives are.
If it's in Heaven, she speaks with a high voice.
If in Hell, with a deep voice.
She can also tell what sins weigh upon a man as soon as she meets him.
What would she make of you?
How was Antwerp?
I'm glad to be home.
Oh, for show.
- In case I got stopped.
-Hmm!
- Mmm-hmm!
-Centre seam.
- What does he say?
-You carried it without reading it?
Well, I didn't want to know.
In case.
If Thomas More came anywhere near you,
I'd drag him out of his court in Westminster and beat his head on the cobbles until I'd knocked some of God's love into it.
- Will Tyndale come back?
-Mmm-hmm.
When the King says yes to the Scripture being translated into English.
But even then, he won't trust More to give him safe conduct, because More says you don't have to keep a promise you make to a heretic.
Anyway, Tyndale still refuses to support the King's divorce.
You think he'd bend a point of principle to make a friend of the King of England.
But, no, Tyndale and More, they deserve each other.
These mules who pose as men.
Good shot!
- Ah, yes.
-Very nice.
Cromwell!
- My Lady.
-It's the bow!
I have no doubt, but it could be...
It could be the brace line.
Could you swap with hers, please?
She was the same in the nursery.
Where's Robin Hood?
I have dispatches.
He won't look at them until sundown.
Won't he be occupied then?
She's selling herself by the inch.
She wants a cash present for every advance above her knee.
She's got long legs.
By the time he reaches her secret part, the nation will be bankrupt.
I, um...
I... 
I had heard a rumour.
She isn't.
I would know.
If she'd thickened at all, I'd be the one to have to let out her clothes.
I know her waist by the inch.
Besides, she can't be because they still haven't...
- She'd tell you?
-Of course!
Out of spite.
I want a job.
An official post.
The jewel House, perhaps?
I'll tell her.
She made Tom Wyatt a poet and Harry Percy mad.
I'm sure she has some idea of what to make you.
Last week, at Greenwich, the friar preached to us about the good king who was corrupted by the wicked Jezebel.
Apparently, she built a pagan temple and let the priests of Baal into the palace.
She ended up being thrown out of a window.
I'm the Jezebel.
You see?
- And you're the priests of Baal.
-I see.
More has arrested a barrister.
James Bainham.
And what do you expect me to do about it?
Talk to the King.
You know how to please him, I suppose?
My maidenhood for your lawyer.
- He'll be released.
-Well...
Little Bilney wasn't.
They burnt him Norwich.
Your barrister friend will recant and he'll be released.
And if he doesn't?
Then he's a fool.
People should say whatever will keep them alive.
You would, wouldn't you?
What's that?
Uh...
It's a gift for one of your women.
The little girl who always cries.
What?
Didn't you hear?
No, what?
Her father, dear old Sir John Seymour?
He was caught in the hayloft with his son Edward's wife.
It seems he's had her every week for the last two yea rs!
Edward's put the wife into a nunnery.
And I don't think we'll see dear old Sir John at court soon.
- And the daughter, Jane, is it?
-Hmm, pasty face.
Gone to Wiltshire.
It's her best bet to get into a nunnery, too.
No one would want to marry the milksop now.
Well, what is it?
Uh, it's only a book of needlework patterns.
You don't like her, do you?
Because I'm not sure it's proper for you to send her a present.
Well, it's not like it's tales from Boccaccio.
Oh, they could tell Boccaccio a tale.
Those sinners at Wolf Hall.
Mmm-hmm?
Lord Chancellor.
You should've warned me.
- You'll have something to eat?
-Thank you, no.
Something to drink then, some wine?
Your friend, Bainham?
He has recanted his heresy and been set free.
I thought you should know.
Well, thank you.
I heard that he'd been put to the rack.
To save his soul, I would've had him whipped.
I'd have had him burnt with irons, I'd have had him hung by his wrists.
In these last 10 years, the Turks have taken Belgrade.
They have lit their campfires in the great library at Buda.
It is only two years since they were at the gates of Vienna.
Why would you want to make another breach in the walls of Christendom?
The King of England is not an infidel.
- Nor am I. 
-Aren't you?
I think your faith is for purchase.
I think you would serve the Sultan if the price was right.
You think because you're a counsellor, you can negotiate with heretics behind the King's back?
You're wrong.
I know about your letters that come and go.
I know you are in communication with Tyndale.
Are you threatening me?
I'm just interested.
Yes, yes.
That's precisely what I'm doing.
You still haven't told me what you want as a present.
My mother knows about us.
I... 
I think...
I think we've done what we have because when Liz died, we were shocked.
We were sorry.
I think we have to leave off that now.
If, if my husband...
Oh, God, forgive me, but every winter I think is his last.
Then of course I would, without question.
But then, the law wouldn't allow that, so...
If you want to marry, Mercy has her list.
You probably have your own list with names on it we don't know, so...
Liz!
Johane.
Francis Bryan is here.
It's something bad.
He's Anne's cousin.
I'll have to.
What does Percy's wife say?
She says she's going to petition Parliament for divorce.
She says he hasn't shared her bed for two years.
When she asked him why, he said he couldn't.
Why has she waited two years to ask?
Oh, she has been asking.
But last night, he finally admitted he can't sleep with her because they're not really married.
What?
Because Harry Percy is actually married to Anne Boleyn.
Bring him down.
We've swept up most of the broken glass.
Shut the door, Francis.
Don't let anybody in.
I suggest we pack Anne's bags and send her to Kent. 
The King's anger...
I swear, one more word and I'll punch you.
The King has said there must be an enquiry!
Before the whole council!
If Anne has concealed a secret marriage...
Jesus, if I could divorce you!
I wish you'd had a pre-contract.
But no chance of that!
Fields of black with men running out of the fucking way!
- George!
- I deny everything!
- Good!
-Harry Percy spoke of love.
I'll allow that, but there was no contract.
And no consummation.
My sister is a notorious virgin.
How was the King when you spoke to him?
What is the use of calling in Master Cromwell and not telling him what has already occurred?
The King walked out of the room and left her standing.
It seems to me there are a number of approaches here...
Oh, Jesus Christ!
By the thrice-beshitten shroud of Lazarus!
While you're selecting your approach, your daughter, sir, is being slandered!
The King's mind is poisoned and this family's fortune is unmaking before your fucking eyes!
Would you let me speak?
Harry Percy was persuaded once to forget his claim.
Well, if he was fixed once...
Yes, but the Cardinal fixed him then and unfortunately, the Cardinal is dead.
Lady Anne.
If the Pope cannot stop you becoming Queen, and I don't think he can,
I don't see why Harry Percy should be allowed to stand in your way.
So, shift him out of it.
Do it!
Beat his fucking skull in!
Why don't you come up?
Looking for a woman?
Oh, God, yes, I thought you'd come.
Hey! 
Out.
Oh, you're wasting your time.
I was pledged to Anne.
She'd allow me such freedom with herself as only a betrothed woman would allow.
Cardinal bullied me out of saying anything last time.
I'm not afraid to speak the truth now.
Good. 
My Lord, you've said what you have to say.
Now, listen to me.
You're a man whose money is almost spent.
I'm a man who knows how you've spent it.
You're a man who's borrowed all over Europe.
I'm a man who knows your creditors.
One word from me, and all your debts will be called in.
Oh, what are they gonna do?
Bankers don't have armies.
Neither will you, without any money.
My Lord, you hold your Earldom from the King.
Your task is to secure the North to defend us against Scotland.
If you cannot ensure these things, the King will take your land and your titles and give them to somebody who will do the job that you cannot do.
No, he won't, he respects all ancient titles.
How can I explain this to you?
The world is not run from where you think it is.
From border fortresses, even from Whitehall.
The world is run from Antwerp, from Florence, from Lisbon.
From wherever the merchant ships set sail off into the west.
Not from castle walls, from counting houses.
From the pens that scrape out your promissory notes.
So believe me when I say that my banker friends and I will rip your life apart.
And then, when you are without money and title...
Yes, I can picture you.
Living in a hovel, wearing homespun, bringing home a rabbit for the pot.
Your lawful wife, Anne Boleyn, skinning and jointing that rabbit.
Yes, I wish you all happiness.
You were never pre-contracted.
Any understanding you think you have, you didn't have it.
And if you think Lady Anne loves you, well, you couldn't be more mistaken.
I've just come from her.
She hates you.
She despises you.
She wants you gone.
So if you say one more word about Lady Anne's freedom with you,
I will come and drag you out of whatever hole you're cowering in, and the Duke of Norfolk will bite your bollocks off.
I do hope that's clear, My Lord.
Yes, you can all peer in again.
There he is.
My uncle and I were after his removal for months without success.
And now he resigns, over this bill.
His great protest.
England's just a stage to him.
Who should replace him?
Put it in the King's mind to appoint Audley, he's a good man.
And he understands me, I think.
Do you think that someone does?
Cranmer as Archbishop.
Audley as Lord Chancellor.
Soon, you'll have friends everywhere.
And for yourself?
I thought, perhaps, Keeper of the jewel House.
Where's the chain of office?
He's supposed to hand it over.
In the bag.
So, that's it?
More is out.
Shall we go down?
You...
You can't resist it.
No more can you.
No.
What will you do now?
Write.
Pray.
My recommendation, write only a little and pray a lot.
Now, is that a threat?
My turn, don't you think?
We're off to Calais.
The King of France has agreed to speak to the Pope in favour of my new marriage.
We'll meet there to discuss points of a treaty.
Last time we met, Wolsey arranged everything.
I thought, perhaps, you could help organise things this time.
Mmm-hmm. 
Lean on me, Your Majesty.
We'll take mass at Canterbury.
Let the people see their King.
Do you know this woman?
I used to.
She reminds me of someone I knew long ago...
In Antwerp.
What was her name?
Anselma.
I have known passion, Cromwell.
With Anne... 
I shake.
Do you understand? 
I shake.
I've tried other women.
Tried them just to try to take the edge off the lust.
But I failed with all of them.
I couldn't do it.
Which is proof, don't you think?
Proof of the rightness of my pursuit.
I hunt only one hind, and she takes me from the path and into the woods.
Now, away to our cold beds.
Or is that just mine?
There's work to do!
I have a new post for you.
I want you to be my new Keeper of the jewel House.
Your Majesty...
Why not?
Why shouldn't I?
Who says I shouldn't employ the son of an honest blacksmith?
Everything that you are, everything that you have will come from me.
Majesty.
Majesty!
This is the Holy Maid, let me see her.
Madam, you have something to say to me?
The heretics you have around you must be put into a great fire.
If you don't do it, you'll burn yourself.
What heretics?
I keep no heretics about my person.
Here's one.
--If you marry this one, you won't reign seven months.
Well, couldn't you at least round it up?
I see your mother.
Surrounded by pale fires.
My mother? 
Where?
She's mad. 
She should be whipped.
She is a very holy person.
Her speech is inspired by Heaven.
Lightning will strike you.
Drag her back to the whorehouse!
Before she feels my boot in her arse.
--Take her away! 
Take her away!
Come on.
Mistress?
I, uh... 
I was a servant of the late Cardinal Wolsey.
I understand you can converse with the souls of the dead.
I wondered if you would search for him for me.
I would be happy to make an offering.
It would have to be a generous donation.
Well, I'm a wealthy man.
I'd have to talk to Father Bocking.
Father Bocking?
He's the lady's spiritual director.
Ah.
Come again and ask me.
Mmm-hmm.
Come with me.
My Lord.
Fetch your niece away.
She's done enough diplomacy.
What the f...
Pardon me, My Lord.
My Lady.
We shall dance.
Master Seymour.
Your sister, Jane.
Odd little creature, isn't she?
How, ah...
How old will she be?
I don't know. 20 or so.
She keeps walking around Wolf Hall saying,
"These are Thomas Cromwell's sleeves."
No one knows what she's talking about.
Has your father made her a match?
Well, there was some talk of...
Why do you ask?
Anne wants a Bible.
Master Cromwell can recite the whole of the New Testament.
I think she wants to swear on it.
Ah, then I probably won't do.
How did you do that?
You.
Me?
She's in his arms.
- Naked as she was born.
She can't change her mind now.
I thought they were quarrelling.
They were. 
They like to quarrel.
What did she want the Bible for?
To swear him before witnesses.
He made her a binding promise.
They're married in God's sight and he swears he'll marry her again in England and crown her Queen.
Well, well, well.
So, now it's just a question of whether he can do the deed.
For God's sake, Mary, don't frighten me.
Don't worry.
If he's shy, Anne will know how to help.
- I've coached her.
Have you?
Now, what about us?
It's been a long struggle to bring them together.
I think we've earned our recreation.
You're not still afraid of my Uncle Norfolk?
I'm terrified of your Uncle Norfolk.
But it's not that.
What is it?
Another?
Oh! 
You...
You almost murdered William Stafford.
William, I thought you weren't coming.
Seems that you had a reserve ready, just in case.
You don't know what a woman's life is like.
You think you've fixed something with a man and he doesn't turn up.
Give you goodnight.
Oh, no. 
Don't go.
I, uh...
I think it's time I said my prayers.
You've been writing letters up to Chester.
On His Majesty's business, why?
I'll tell you this once, Cromwell.
You keep out of my family's affairs or you'll have me to deal with.
And you'll come off worse than you can possibly imagine.
You made a mistake threatening me, sir.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God,
"and the Word was God.
"And the same was in the beginning with God.
"All things were made by it,
"and without it was made nothing that was made.
"In it was life, and the life was the light of men."
I had to, Thomas.
I couldn't live with what I'd done.
When you're examined...
I'll say what I will say before my last judge.
That the Eucharist is only bread, we have no need of penance, and purgatory is an invention ungrounded in Scripture.
If some men come and tell you to go with them,
I want you to go with them.
They'll be my men.
You think you can get me out of the Tower?
Tyndale's Bible says, "With God, nothing is impossible."
But what would be the point, Thomas?
I'd only have to walk to Paul's Cross and say before the Londoners what I've already said.
- They...
- I cannot un-believe what I believe.
"Therefore, is it not the same for the male sex and the female sex?"
"If on the one hand they appear different
"with regard to some skill or other..."
- Employment?
-Occupation.
Leave us, daughter.
I won't have you in this devil's company.
Well, I hear you can't come to the coronation because you can't afford a new coat.
The Cardinal will buy you a new coat himself, if you'll show your face on the day.
- Really?
-Indeed.
I'll relish taking the £10 from him.
And what will you wear?
Well, they're making me something, Meg.
If I avoid getting laughed at, it'll be enough.
I hear the Holy Maid, the Barton girl, has been to visit you.
She has. 
But we wouldn't receive her.
She's also been to visit the Lady Exeter at her invitation.
Lady Exeter is a foolish and ambitious woman.
Well, Barton told her she'd be Queen of England.
I repeat my comment.
You don't believe in her visions, then?
I don't. 
She does it for attention.
I've written to her, advising her to avoid the company of powerful men and women and to stay at home and pray.
As should we all follow your example. 
Amen.
I suppose you've kept a copy.
Get it, Meg, otherwise he might never leave.
James Bainham is to be burnt.
Ask to see Henry.
He'll welcome you back like a lost child.
I'm not asking you to agree with James.
If his doctrine is false, you can talk him back.
Back to Rome.
You're an eloquent man.
You're the great persuader of our age.
But if he dies, you'll never know, will you?
Whether you could have saved his soul.
You can't come in.
She's in a state of undress.
Let him in.
The King says, "You never looked more beautiful."
And he sends a kiss, which I told him he should deliver himself.
What are you wearing?
- I said no black.
-It's scarlet.
It's a very black scarlet.
Francis Bryan says I look like a walking bruise.
Did you hear them cheer for me?
All this talk of people loving Katherine.
I think they just pity her.
Oh, no, they love her because she's the daughter of two anointed sovereigns.
They'll never love you like that, madam.
Any more than Cromwell here.
You may as well make your mind to it.
- I...
-That's enough, Jane.
They say the Barton girl has prophesied that so-called Princess Mary will be queen.
Katherine is plotting with Exeter and Pole.
- All the old Plantagenets...
-Don't distress yourself.
I'm not distressed.
These people want me dead.
But when my son is born, they'll all be powerless.
Master Cromwell.
I wanted to thank you.
It's from your present.
Thomas Cromwell's sleeves.
How, uh...
How do things stand at Wolf Hall?
Edward is angry, my mother is grinding her teeth.
I would like to leave.
Well, if I were your father...
Yeah, if I were to advise you, it would be to stay in the service of your new Queen.
Well, it's good to be humble.
And she makes sure we are.
I think she'll soften, now she has her heart's desire.
This is my humble face.
Will it serve?
I think it would take you anywhere.
It came for you today.
A present from the King.
The Queen is setting off to begin her confinement.
We just wanted to check, are we saying, "Announcing the birth of a prince,"
or just the birth of a child?
- How's it going?
- Good.
I'm so sorry.
Um, I'm kind of reserving the field.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
I am... in this moment.
So you, like, made a reservation?
I mean, not, like, officially.
But I'm... you know, I've been here, like, holding down the fort
- and just waiting for people...
- Right.
No, I hear you.
Um, we actually reserved this field a while back for my friend Sailor's birthday.
Yeah, we're playing kick the can, so...
Okay.
We are playing kickball.
So we need, like, the bases and the whole, like, official field that you guys don't need.
So is there some kind of compromise where, like, we could have this bit and you could have that?
And it's just kind of important to me.
- I have so many people coming...
- Uh...
- and I've organized this whole thing now.
- Right.
Sorry, I don't... 
I don't really know what to tell you.
But good luck. 
Good luck and we are going to need the whole field.
So thank you.
This is cool over here.
I can see why people are starting to migrate east.
They just live here because they can't afford to live where you live.
Oh, you prefer it in the hills.
It's just so dead over here.
Nobody goes out.
You should come over more often.
I slept over almost every night this week.
Sally loves it when you sleep over.
Oh, do you?
Oh!
She loves a good nose.
Is that my brother-in-law?
What is he doing? 
I'll meet you up at the field, okay?
Okay.
Come on, Sally.
Let's go break some hearts.
♪ But I'm walking in Memphis ♪
♪ Just walking... ♪
Ah!
Oh, fuck!
Jesus, Tina.
Thank you for that.
- What's up, weirdo?
- That was really, really, really awesome.
- Thank you.
- All right, grumpy pants.
- Are you coming?
- Yes, I'm coming.
- I'll be there in a second.
- Let's go.
Wait, hold on.
I'm not ready. 
I'm taking... 
I just need, like, a second.
Don't do this.
- Don't do what?
- What are you...
This whole mood-killer thing.
She's so fucking psyched and she really needs this day and she really needs to party and have fun.
And if you're going to be like this, it's going to ruin it for her.
Okay, I am trying to get myself ready for that, but it's a little hard for me, okay?
Do you understand that?
- Yeah, I mean, I do.
- But just fake it.
I mean, do you see this smile?
- Yeah.
- I'm dead inside.
Really? 
I mean, this isn't really how I want to spend my day.
But I am so fucking psyched to spend it this way!
- Okay.
- How about a smile?
Okay, do you... is there any way we can get some alcohol?
- I've got some coming.
- Okay.
See you up there.
I got the stuff.
- Did you get beer?
- Yeah.
I... no give me...
I need one.
Oh, oh, yeah.
Thank you.
Whoa.
Look, how long can this ridiculous game
- of kick the can last, anyway?
- Hours.
That's what they told me...
hours.
Yeah, I'll take a stab at it.
Honey, we'll work it out.
It'll be fine.
What do you do for hours?
Oh. 
They're not gonna play for hours.
- Hey, hi.
- Hi!
Hey, guys!
Yo, what's happening, ballers?
- Yay!
- A'right.
Excuse me, do you guys like movies?
- Mm-hmm.
- 'Cause I got $200 on this gift card for the ArcLight movie theater.
How about you guys catch a flick, order as many concessions as you want, and then everybody wins.
What do you say?
I think we're good.
Okay, okay, okay, how about this?
How about Jamba Juice?
Good for a full year.
Okay, okay, Starbucks.
There's plenty of life left in this one.
You got a lot of gift cards.
Listen, they're playing hardball.
Oh, do you remember Brett and Alex?
Of course.
Hey, Alex.
Hi, Larry.
Hi, sir. 
I worked on your show.
Nice to see you.
- Oh, no kidding.
- Yeah.
So, Larry, what's the situation?
Oh, no kidding. 
Well, it's Yeah.
A little complicated, but I think I can get them in the boat.
Excuse me, young lady?
Can I talk to you again just for one second?
Name your price.
I got about $500 right here.
It's yours. 
What do you say?
- No, thanks.
- But if you guys could clear off the bleachers, 'cause that's also our space, and maybe go away.
Actually, please forgive Daddy Warbucks here.
He's from a far-off land called West Hollywood.
They have a different set of rules.
I'm very sorry about that.
Here's the deal... could we possibly compromise?
Like, you guys use the field for an hour, and then we get a turn.
Doesn't that make everyone happy?
No! 
How many times to I have to say no to you people?
Like, it is my friend's birthday and you need to respect that.
I can't, I can't. 
You know, this is like...
- How about we go for sushi?
- Yep.
Lots of ways to have fun.
- We can figure it out... yeah.
- We can drink more.
Look at these trees!
Dude, I'm kind of feeling the brunch vibe.
We want to play you.
Can you get the fuck off the field?
- Hey!
- Whoa.
- All right.
- Here we go.
You did not just do that.
Here's the thing.
We're not leaving.
So either you let us play you, or we're going to be all up in your shit all day.
All day.
It's your choice.
Whatever you want.
Fine. 
Fine!
You want to play us, lady?
Fine. 
Get ready.
You get ready.
You get ready to get your asses kicked by a bunch of old people.
Okay. 
Mm-hmm. 
Get ready.
- Ready!
- Thank you so much.
Youngsters, before there were smart phones and electric cars, there was shotgunning beer.
It's really simple.
Take your beer, you're going to puncture it at the bottom, you're gonna put your finger on it, put it up to your mouth,
- crack it open...
- Okay, okay.
Whoo!
I'm just gonna show everyone how to do this.
Yeah! 
Whoo!
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
Drink, drink, drink, drink!
Okay, okay, listen up, everyone.
The object of this game is for someone from your team...
Please.
To kick this can after the game starts.
Okay.
- Okay?
- Got it.
You have to kick it before someone from our team captures you.
If you are caught, you will be put in jail.
If we catch all of you before you kick this can, we win.
If any one of you kicks the can, you win.
- Is that clear?
- Yep.
Okay, you have one minute to hide.
- Now?
!
- Yeah, now!
Oh, shit.
Move it.
Wait, where you going?
Okay, don't give out.
This could be fun.
All right, they're playing tight to the can, so I think we should hold here before we make any moves.
We're safe for now.
Want to hear the greatest sound in the world?
Oh!
Shhh!
Sorry.
What was that all about?
What was what about?
Larry is the kind of producer who can make your career.
So you might not want to cut his balls off in front of fuckin' hipster chick.
I didn't cut his balls off.
When he offered the money, you were all...
I thought it was a little weird that he offered money, but I don't think I was rude about it.
Okay.
- I like Larry.
- Okay.
I mean, he's...
I have no issue with him.
Okay.
What?
Okay.
Do you think I'm jealous of Larry?
Let me tell you something...
Larry is jealous of me.
Look at this shit.
You taking this in right now?
Look at this... 10 lbs lighter already.
Like that.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm not jealous, if that's what you're getting at.
Okay.
He's a little creepy with his dog, though.
He's kind of like an old James Bond villain.
Stop, stop.
He's got the little white dog.
Fuck you, stop.
He's just like, "Nyah nyah."
"Nyah nyah."
Shh, shh! 
You're gonna blow our cover.
Give me a beer.
Give me a beer.
Thank you, thank you.
I'll take a beer as well, but you guys keep it down.
Okay, now I'm kicking you out.
Get out, this is our spot.
This is our spot.
- Bitches, - we were fucking here first.
We're not all going to fit...
Tina even urinated right here.
- It's our territory.
- That's so gross.
- You're making too much noise.
- Okay.
Oh no!
Jail time.
Who?
What happened?
- Phoebe.
- We're dropping like flies.
One for my homie.
Okay, let's mobilize.
Get out of here.
We gotta keep moving to stay out...
Okay, okay.
Hide.
- Good luck.
- Good luck.
How you doin' today, lady?
- I'm good.
- Mm-hmm.
This is weird and fun.
Can I tell you something?
You're amazing.
- Oh.
- You are... you're incredible.
- You're amazing.
- No, the fact that you came and resurrected yourself out of that fuckin' therapy situation and, like, are blasting out having this fun day... 
Yeah.
You're like my hero.
Yeah, seriously.
You're doing it too.
Look at you.
- Oh, I am...
- Drinking and having fun.
- This?
- So awesome.
I am faking this whole thing.
I feel like I'm carrying the dead bodies of Michelle and Brett on my shoulders all day.
I'm, like, trying to dig myself out of the womb of despair and you're just, like...
how the fuck do you do it?
Just... just do it.
Just have fun, you know?
I'm doing it, but I feel awful.
- But I'm fuckin'... 
I'm trying.
- Okay.
- I'm trying.
- I see that you're trying.
- I'm trying.
- I appreciate it.
But, you know, this feels like the thing where...
The thing from therapy.
I don't even want...
I don't want to talk about what we talked about in therapy.
- Why not? 
Why don't you It's a real thing.
- I can't just ignore it.
It was part of our day.
We're not ignoring it.
Wet to therapy.
We had that time set aside to talk about our problems.
We talked about it more in the car.
We got very very sad.
And then we decided, "Let's have a fun day.
Let's make the rest of the day fun."
- Kick the can!
- Yeah.
I'm doing it!
Whats you expect?
I want you to have fun.
I want to fun with you.
- I can't.
- You can't?
I can try.
That's all I can do.
I don't think you should have to try.
I think it should be fun to hang out with your wife and your friends.
Well, if I don't try, then I might as well just fuckin' be sitting at the Barnes and Noble.
- Maybe maybe.
- You know?
Maybe?
- If it's really hard.
- Got it.
Okay.
All right.
Oh, Brett.
Brett.
Oh, we... oh, we got a walker.
Hey, guard the can.
Make sure he doesn't...
- Turning myself in.
- What's up, kamikaze?
- Hey, could be a decoy.
- Keep an eye out.
I'm just turning myself in.
You're good. 
I got you.
Nope.
Nope, thank you.
Shh!
I don't like this fuckin' place.
It's gnarly.
Look, look, look!
Whoa, too small, too small.
Oh, shit, come on!
Get in there.
I know you're in here.
Oh my god.
Are you out of your mind?
Shhh.
No, no, no, no.
She saw me.
We're fucked.
What a sucker.
She's gone.
What's wrong with you?
You smell good.
You're so drunk.
- I am.
- Okay, let's go.
Okay.
You are going to jail.
- I got you!
- No, get off!
Hold on... hold on.
I'm good.
Whoa.
You guys, I totally almost puked on one of them.
Yo, yo, yo! 
Outside, outside! 
Got it!
Shoot it!
I got it, I got it.
Hold on, hold up.
All right.
David.
Hey, Michelle?
Shh.
I'm out!
All right, here we go!
- Duck.
- Huh?
Duck, dude!
Oh.
Are you part of the kick-the-can game?
Yes, I am.
Do you know that game?
I played it 1,000 times growing up.
Such a weird game.
You guys are killing it, huh?
Yeah. 
Listen, we're old, we're tired, we don't know this game.
But you're still alive.
I'm still alive, but, you know what?
I think the best thing for me to do for my own honor is just turn myself in.
- Why?
- That's what I'm gonna do.
Why? 
Because I wanted this day to be really fun...
- Mm-hmm.
- And it's a disaster.
I'm dragging the day out.
But you want to win, don't you?
I do want to win.
I want to win more than I want anything in the world.
- I want to win the game.
- So get...
You gotta go for it, then.
Yeah, but look at their strategy.
'Cause they caught everybody, so there's no point, like, to come looking for me.
They're just hoarding the can.
Yeah, got ya.
Yeah.
Like, how do I win?
- I can't get past them all.
- Okay, let's figure it out.
It'll be fun.
- Really?
- Yeah.
You don't have to go back to your game?
Not at all.
Okay.
Here's one thing I was thinking, was maybe exploding my husband's car.
I like that.
- Yeah.
- That's a good idea.
Creating a distraction.
Yeah, I wasn't even thinking about that.
- Then they'll just, you know...
- What a good idea.
- Yes, it's a distraction.
- Yeah.
- That's what we need.
- Yeah, it's... it's not going take time to distract a bunch of hipsters.
Just put on some Weezer or Grizzly Bear and they'll be distracted like that, you know?
Look at you, so cool.
Oh, I'm not cool.
I'm, like, so uncool.
But, you know, they'll just run off to a corner and, like, you know, start...
start doing their thing.
- No, you're not.
- Actually, I take it back.
- You're not cool.
- No, all right.
Let's...
let's figure something out.
Okay.
What is there?
What is there back there?
What is... what is that?
That's it.
How'd you get caught?
I gave myself up.
- Really?
- Yup.
You voluntarily put yourself in jail?
- I know what you're going to say...
- I know...
You know, I'm not a big metaphor guy, but it seems like it might be a metaphor for your life right now.
I got... 
I got it.
I know it.
Well, to give you a little perspective, it could be worse.
You could have just tried to make out with Tina.
Really?
How'd that go?
Not good.
Not good.
Did it land?
Uh, there was a crash landing and everyone died on board.
Yeah.
Something like that.
Shit! 
What the...
Ho, ho, ho! 
Yeah!
Run for your lives!
♪ Oh, the sinking spell ♪
♪ Got to tiny heals ♪
♪ Pin the notice to posts ♪
♪ And then crawled in my mouth ♪
♪ There is a feeling I love ♪
♪ Buried in my brow ♪
♪ I have no reason to run ♪
♪ I see no reason ♪
♪ Are you with me now? 
♪
♪ Are ♪
♪ Are you with me now? 
♪
♪ Are... ♪

Stay awake!
Okay, Daniel, you just stay awake.
STEEL Subrip: 
Pix if I can touch yours
You first.
Listen to me!
Daniel Kreuger Show.
Stay awake!
Thank you, Mom.
How you doin'?
-I'm good.
-Good.
Trust me, don't worry, you're gonna be great.
Thanks.
Welcome back to the Daniel Kreuger Show.
You're gonna meet today's actor, Ryan Peters, star of the hot new series, Dawn.
Ryan, the series centers around the first human genius, like some sort of prehistoric DaVinci.
He's good.
He's amazing.
Yeah, that's exactly it.
My character's the first to introduce intelligence to the human race.
So talk to me about Kayley Pope.
Kayley is the female lead in the series, they've written her in to be just as intelligent as my character, so of course, we're very attracted to each other.
I think the question on everyone's mind, is that chemistry as hot off screen as it is on?
All rumors.
Not according to the fan pages.
Can I give you some advice?
They'll stop hounding you if you just admit to it.
Wouldn't you rather spend an interview like this promoting your show instead of trying to stop some rumors?
Trust me.
Admit it and we'll move on.
Okay.
It's true.
We've been dating for over a month.
Just imagine those ratings.
Can't believe he got him.
There was never really any doubt.
No.
We're gonna kill the time slot.
Ratings are gonna go through the roof.
Was it love at first sight?
That's our Daniel.
Your show just received the highest ratings the network has ever seen.
And you've only been on the air for a few months.
The audience just adores you.
You're not just gonna sit there and smile, you're phenomenal.
You should be through the roof.
Say something.
I got him.
Who?
Him.
You're shitting me.
This is huge, do you know what this means?
You're givin' me a raise.
I just gave you a raise.
That was three weeks ago.
Daniel, this is gonna define you, hell it's gonna define the whole network.
He hasn't spoken to anyone, not a single soul since he was charged.
How did you do it?
I have my ways.
Will you ever let me in on your little secrets?
There's a catch.
A catch, of course.
There's always a fucking catch.
He wants to do it live.
Live?
Live.
That's impossible.
When?
Thursday.
Okay, that's beyond impossible.
That's going to take a fucking miracle.
Not just any kind of miracle, a raise him from the fucking dead kind of miracle.
Praise be to Barb almighty.
Give me back my cigarettes.
No, would you try these instead.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll see you later then.
It'll be hot, I got a boner already.
Yeah.
You were right.
I am almighty.
Hello?
Daniel?
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just...
Back from a jog.
You're on Thursday.
I know.
How do you know, I just got the call fifteen seconds ago.
Because I have more faith in you than you have in yourself, Barb.
I knew you could do it.
Let's celebrate tonight.
Champagne on the network's account?
I'll invite Ralph.
Perfect.
I'II-I'll see you later.
Hey.
Take your clothes off.
You're free to go.
Your feet are cold?
No, I said, "You're free to go."
Hey, congratulations, rock star.
Yeah.
Excuse me, could we get a bottle of...
I got it.
Okay, put it on my tab.
Can I get a bottle of champagne?
Three glasses?
Hey kid, what are you having?
A... a beer, I guess.
What kind?
Surprise me.
Could I get a draught?
Put it on Barb's tab.
Thanks.
Hey what's your name?
Alright.
To Daniel.
He's a killer!
Our Daniel!
No, I couldn't have done it without both of you.
Well it's all of us then.
Yeah.
I'm just going for a quick smoke, I'll be right back.
Hey, hey, what about the gum?
Hey buddy, I know I said I'd pay you back today but, do you think it could wait until next payday?
I'm a little behind this month.
I know I said the same thing last month, you've been great, but just, I really am just catching up right now,
I just, I need a little more time.
Ralph, don't worry about it.
It's all good.
Thanks.
Hey, I owe you.
So, I looked at the interview questions and they're pretty soft.
I mean the guy just got charged for selling arms to terrorists.
Look, he's adamant about approving the questions, he doesn't want this to turn into a public execution.
But that's exactly what I want it to be.
If he thinks he can't trust us, he won't show.
So you're going to let him fucking control the whole interview?
We'll be live, Barb.
Trust me, I will be asking the questions everyone wants answered.
But Barb, it's a celebration, would you stop working?
You realize you're going to have to nail this.
But you will, I know you will.
So why don't you ask her to dance?
Okay.
Look, thank you so much for the champagne,
I gotta head out.
What?
But you just got here.
Yeah, what can I say?
Hello, Daniel.
It's really good to see you again.
Don't tell me you don't remember who I am.
No of course I do, it's, Laura.
Yeah, listen,
I'll call you some other time, okay?
Daniel, where the fuck are you?
Where the fuck is he?
I tried calling him 20 times, he's not answering.
Okay, well try him again.
Mr. Watson, I'm Barb O'Neil, producer of the Daniel Kreuger show.
Thank you for dropping your silence and giving the public a glimpse of the arms industry, and its dealers.
Where's Kreuger?
He's on his way, should be here in a second.
We'll just get you started in makeup, okay?
Come on.
Ned, thank you for coming.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Look if you're feeling nervous at all,
I got a 20-year-old bottle of Scotch around here that works wonders.
Yeah, you stick to the agenda, I got nothing to be nervous about.
Now let's just get this over with.
It'll be over before you know it.
What's he doing?
He's moving his chair.
Yeah, I can see that, but why?
I don't know, maybe Ned has bad breath?
Welcome to the Daniel Kreuger Show.
Joining me live today is arms dealer, Ned Watson.
I prefer defense contractor.
Well you knowingly sold arms to terrorists.
A government coverup.
They made the mistake, I'm the scapegoat.
Children are dead as a result, how do you sleep at night?
I am not here to answer those kind of questions that you or the rest of the goddamned world might have for me.
I am here to publicly request asylum in your country.
Are you on something, Kreuger?
Excuse me.
Ralph, get the fuck up there and finish the interview.
But no...
Just go.
Daniel, what the fuck?
Asylum?
You really expect our government...
You have one new message.
First message.
Hi Daniel, it's me, your Aunt Margret.
I was just calling to see how you're doing.
I... 
I saw your show and, well I just thought you might...
It-it would be nice to see you.
Please call.
My number is...
Why are you looking at me like that?
You think you got some kind of plan?
Alright, let's hear it.
Just what I thought, nothing.
What if I go out there again and suffocate or pass out?
I don't wanna go to a doctor.
I mean what's he gonna find, anyway?
Nothing.
I'm fine, I'm imagining all of this shit.
I'm scared.
Scared of what?
Why, why?
Fuck this shit.
Fuck this shit.
Remember me?
You have a TV show, don't you?
You're not our usual demographic.
I don't really pay much attention, it's kind of boring, I just... like looking at you.
You know the way you bite your lip before you say something important?
That's hot.
Excuse me.
I like you.
You smell like me.
It's good.
Are you even allowed in here?
How old are you?
I'm 18.
And you're 29.
What's wrong with that?
And how do you know how old I am?
I looked you up on the internet.
There are lots of pages about you.
Alright, it's time to go home.
I'm sure your parents are waiting up.
What are you doing?
Are you an escort or something?
Get out of here.
I like you.
You don't even know me.
Alright.
Alright, go home kid, it's past your bedtime.
I love you.
Daniel?
Daniel?
It's me, Barb.
I know you're in there.
The caretaker just told me you haven't left in days.
I'm not leaving until you open up.
Look, if you don't open the door,
I'm going to call for help.
I'm worried about you.
Just go away.
No, open the door!
Come on, Daniel.
Open up.
We need to talk to you.
We just wanna help you.
I'm gonna call an ambulance.
I don't need a god damned ambulance,
I'm fine.
Just open the door so that we can talk to you.
Daniel?
You need to make some decisions.
I quit.
What?
I quit, okay?
Now go away, please.
Daniel.
Open the door.
Now.
If you fucking break my door down
I will call the police.
Do you wanna deal with that shit?
Do you wanna deal with that?
We're here for you if you need us, okay?
Call any time.
Yeah, I mean, you've always been there for me, Daniel, and...
Look, I brought the money that I owe you, okay?
I'll just, I'll slip it under the door.
Thanks again.
We miss you, Daniel.
Shit.
Are you okay?
Should I call for help?
No.
No, no, no.
I'm fine.
I was just wondering where the where the milk is.
It's just down at the end of this aisle.
You know what, I just realized I don't need milk.
Okay.
Is there anything else I can help you with?
No, I'm good, thanks.
Can't fucking live like this.
Live like what?
What are you doing here?
Just stopping by for a visit.
Can I come up?
No.
Surprise.
How did you get in the building?
I have my ways.
How do you know where I live?
Don't hate me but
I followed you home the other night.
I should call the police.
I know you like me too.
Hey, you can't stay.
School totally sucked today.
We had P.E., it was endurance training, it was so awful.
Then we're off to the showers, and I'm, well, completely shaved, so obviously
I get my ass kicked.
They don't like my pierced nipple.
See?
I used to be just like that when I was a kid.
What was it like when you were in high school?
It's been a long time.
What was your GPA?
Three point one.
Same as mine.
Woah.
Hey did you have a boyfriend then?
Or like, a crush on someone?
No.
What, were you scared?
What are you doing here?
I though we could make dinner 'cause I wanted to celebrate that I love you.
I like to be left alone.
Nobody likes to be left alone.
Not even the people that say that, they don't mean it.
Well, I mean it.
Hey, what should we make for dinner?
I don't have anything to eat.
These are past their date.
This'll do.
I don't have any milk or butter.
But you have salsa.
We'll make the noodles and we'll add the salsa, it'll be awesome.
Where are your pots?
You don't talk that much.
People in my family don't really talk that much either, that's... why I talk so much.
I can't stand silence.
I mean, somebody's always gotta be saying something.
God gave us language so we could talk, right?
You don't believe in God?
Me neither.
I just, I sort of said it.
It's like a figure of speech.
Do you ever think about the past?
Like why things are the way they are?
I don't waste my time on idle thoughts.
It's good to question things sometimes.
I mean, you're not a child anymore.
Right.
Is this your first time?
So what was it like when you told your parents you were gay?
Have you told your parents?
Well, I will now.
How come you're not on TV anymore?
I don't like that Ralph guy.
He's not hot like you.
When you gonna go back on?
You sh-you should probably go now.
Fine.
If that's how you feel.
Don't be such a...
Such a what?
I was gonna say child.
You're an asshole.
I don't need this shit.
Alexander...
Welcome back everybody, thank you for joining us.
Now let's get into the good stuff.
So everybody's talking about this accident with a llama, now what was that all about?
We Were shooting a scene for my music video where I come up behind this hot farm girl who's feeding a llama.
So when I take her in my arms... this llama gets pissed.
Can I say "pissed" on TV?
No.
But go on, go on.
So this llama gets pissed, 'cause I come along and interrupt its supper.
So it bites me.
Takes a chunk right out of my chest.
23 stitches.
Well can we see?
Do you guy wanna see this?
Come on, you gotta give them what they want.
Come on, everybody, make some noise.
Hell yeah.
My goodness!
Can we get a...
Fuck!
Yeah.
Your Chinese food is here.
Call it up.
Thank you Mr. Kreuger.
Yeah, thank you.
I love Chinese food.
Smells really good.
You order chicken balls?
I love chicken balls.
Did you miss me?
I was thinking we could go for a walk after dinner.
No thanks.
Why not?
Could you pass the rice?
Hey, please stop shaking your knee?
You're banging the table.
I just had a song in my head and my foot was moving to it.
I always have a song in my head.
My art teacher was saying that Mozart always had a song in his head too.
So why don't you wanna go out?
You ask too many questions.
Why don't you keep in touch with your family?
You don't know them.
Did you tell them?
What, that I screw men?
I never really could decide.
Never?
Why limit yourself?
So you don't lose track of who you are.
Were you happy at 18?
I would have liked to have been more like you.
Aren't you gonna see who that is?
Nope.
It says it's from someone named Michael.
Who the fuck is Michael?
Nobody.
No, who is he?
I deserve to know.
He's just some guy.
You never said that you had a boyfriend.
I've never had a boyfriend.
You're such a prick.
I hate you.
Alexander.
I fucking hate you.
Inhale and exhale.
Push back to the child's pose.
Breathe into your back, lengthen.
Last downward-facing dog, let's come up, inhale.
Lift the hips high.
Exhale, sink the hips low.
Draw that spine long, lift the sitbones high.
Open the fingers wide.
We're gonna walk it forward, and you're gonna come down onto your knees for the first one.
We do opposite arm, opposite leg.
So I'd like you to take one arm and the opposite leg out, hold that, and keep your spine nice and long.
Take it down, let's do the other side.
Opposite arm, opposite leg.
Pull back strong, good job.
And stay with that or come into a wide-footed plank where you draw the hips down in line with the shoulders
Alright.
Groceries.
Yeah?
Mr. Kreuger, I have your groceries.
Come on up.
It's a beautiful day outside.
I wouldn't know.
Morning, sweetheart.
Sweetheart?
You miss me?
I have the day off, it's in inservice day.
So I can spend the whole day with you.
Wanna start with breakfast?
How about a cappuccino?
Look, I'm really busy today.
Ta-da.
You impressed?
How are you?
I'm pretty busy, actually.
Doing what?
Things.
What things?
Boring things.
Let's talk about you for a change.
What do you wanna be when you're older.
I don't know, maybe an artist.
What kind of artist?
Well, my mom, she thinks I should be a writer.
What about your dad?
I don't know, I don't think he cares.
As long as I make a decent living.
Are you parents proud of you?
What are you doing here?
What do you think?
Hey.
How come you never talk about your parents?
Did they... disown you when you told them that you're gay?
There's a lot of things I don't like to talk about.
Why?
I don't like to talk about it.
Okay.
I won't talk about your parents.
Can you tell me where you grew up?
If I tell you where you grew up, will you stop asking personal questions?
Yes.
On a farm.
Seriously?
What, you find that hard to believe?
With cows and chickens and stuff?
I just don't see you in suspenders and gingham.
Well, it was a long time ago.
You ever miss it?
No.
Sometimes.
Where is it?
Look, I'm really tired, do you mind if we just sleep?
Okay.
-Can you please sit still?
-I'm bored.
Why don't you go home?
I'm spending the entire day with you.
Right.
Let's go for ice cream.
No, thanks.
But, I'm craving a butterscotch ice cream cone.
Butterscotch used to be my favorite.
So, what is it now?
I guess still butterscotch.
So, let's go!
Come on! 
How can you resist a double scoop, butterscotch ice cream cone?
There's an ice cream stand just two blocks away, in the park.
It's the best ice cream ever.
We'll come right back here.
Come on!
Come on!
Let's go.
Hey, can I get two, double scoop butterscotch cones, please?
I would try on The Queen's tiara.
And I'd help Princess Katherine pick out all her outfits.
You would get fired.
Sorry, when he gets going, it's impossible to shut him up.
Thank you.
Yeah... butterscotch is definitely still my favorite.
Thank you.
My God, I love this book.
Did you ever read it?
Yeah, I read it in high school.
Well, did you love it?
It was okay.
It was okay?
Seriously?
It's amazing.
I mean, sometimes I feel like Tess.
Why?
I don't no.
She tries so hard and... somehow things always go wrong for her.
Do things go wrong for you?
It's ten after four?
My God, I'm gonna be late.
My mom thinks I'm at school and school ended at three.
I gotta go.
You have one new message, and one saved message.
First new message.
Hi, Daniel.
Why aren't you answering?
I really need to talk to you.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Jesus.
I'm sorry.
Look, just call me.
Okay?
These pickles are crap.
I asked the guy for the deli pickles, and he never gets it right.
He's an idiot.
I thought maybe we could go for a walk after dinner.
It's one of those days that just... makes you feel like smiling.
Come on.
Just for a short while.
You need to keep going.
I've always been afraid of other people.
Why?
I don't know, it's...
They suffocate me.
Scare me.
But your job...
Yeah, that's different.
I know what I'm doing there.
Well... knew what I was doing.
Why are things the way they are?
I don't know.
Does your mother always feel afraid of other people?
Yes, she always felt afraid...
Always felt... inferior...
Stupid...
And did she suffocate you, as well?
I just never dared to be happy when she was sad, and... she was sad most of the time.
And you listened to her, didn't you?
Just admit it.
You can practically sense what somebody says before they even say it.
That's why you're so good at your job.
Tell me about your father.
Didn't really have much to say to each other.
He beat you?
I don't know.
I think he meant well.
Well?
He wanted to show me what life was like.
They way he might?
Yeah.
I gotta go.
What?
What do you mean, you gotta go?
I'm gonna be late for supper.
My mom is gonna kill me if I'm late.
All right, I mean, I...
I did have plans, but if...
If you're so busy...
What plans?
Well...
I wanted to go get groceries.
I can't rely on that delivery service anymore.
I figure... since you're always over... and eating all of my food... thought you might wanna come along... pick out something you want.
Well...
All right... but...
only because I love you.
You're awfully quiet.
I'm just a little down.
Why?
Well, you still haven't said that you love me.
I love being with you.
That's not the same.
All right, so I think I have all the groceries I need.
We're not done yet. 
We haven't even been down any of the aisles.
I don't bother with the aisles.
Why not?
Everything I need is on the periphery.
But then you're missing out on all the cookies.
These are so good.
And these!
Come in!
Daniel... finally.
Come in.
Shut the door.
Hey, Barb.
How are you feeling?
Fine... 
Yeah.
Fine.
I took your advice.
I'm glad to see that.
I want my show back.
Ralph is doing really well, actually.
To be honest, the ratings haven't dropped since he's taken the show over.
What a...
What-what are you saying?
It's not yours to take back.
You know I'm better than him.
You're making a huge mistake.
You can't just walk...
You are a goddamn executive because of me.
This whole fucking office is because of me.
That is bullshit, Daniel, and you know it...
No, no, no.
Don't you dare deny it.
You know it's true.
You would be nothing without me.
Nothing!
Why are yo being such a prick?
Do you know what your escapade cost me?
I almost lost my job, god damn it.
Kiss my ass.
Do you really think that you can just waltz right in here after what happened and demand your show back?
Just like that?
We don't even know what's wrong with you.
You won't even talk to me.
Are you okay?
Let me call for help.
Let me call someone.
You just stay awake.
Okay, Daniel?
If I can touch yours.
You first.
Daniel, open up.
It's me!
Hurry!
Daniel!
Daniel!
Come on.
I got grounded because of you.
I'm-I'm sorry.
What?
You made me go shopping with you, so I was late for supper, and now I'm grounded.
I...
I don't know what to say here.
You are such a... great kid, but, this isn't working out.
Look, I think you should go.
I can't.
Look, I've ran away from home.
I hate my mom.
She is such a bitch.
I'm quitting school and I'm gonna move in with you.
You can't quit school, and you mother just cares about you.
I think you're overreacting.
What the fuck, Daniel?
I can't believe you'd pick sides with someone who you've... you've never even met, over me.
Look, I put up with all of your shit and this is the thanks I get?
Fuck you!
Okay, calm down.
Calm down?
Me, calm down?
You're one to talk. 
You don't even know what calm is.
You are fucking crazy.
You know that.
-Mind your own shit.
-No!
You had everything going for you! 
You had this perfect life.
Your own TV show, this beautiful apartment, you had everything and you fucked it all up!
You don't think I know that?
I already know that.
I don't need some fucking puppy reminding me what I already know!
I'm not a fucking puppy!
I know way more about life than you do.
And I know that you...
You need to get your shit together and keep going.
You are a tragic hero, Daniel, and you know what happens to tragic heroes?
They die.
That is so fucking cute.
You study 12th grade English and character flaws, and now you're some kind of expert.
You don't know shit.
I know way more than you think.
Where the fuck would you be without me?
You can't do anything without me.
Don't flatter yourself.
I'll figure it out.
How?
You don't even try to do anything on your own.
"Alexander, will you hold my hand?"
"Alexander, will you go shopping with me?"
You're the puppy.
Not me.
Get the fuck out of my house now.
It's all in your head.
You need to try to do things on your own.
You need to keep...
I don't want to, okay?
!
I don't fucking want to!
Do you understand me?
-Do you wanna fuck me?
-What?
!
-Do you want to fuck me?
-Are you insane?
No, that would be you.
Fuck me now! 
Come on!
Come on!
Jesus Christ!
You can do it, Daniel.
You need to try harder.
You need to know why.
All right, I feel scared.
I don't know why, but...
Your mother only grounded you because she loves you.
She just wants what's best for you.
Just go home and tell her you're sorry.
I'll do that on one condition...
What?
You take me to the farmhouse... where you grew up.
I wanna see it.
That's where you grew up?
I love these swings.
Did you love this swing?
God.
I'm leaving.
I love you.
Come on.
It's awesome in here!
Come on!
Hey, was this your room?
Come on.
Don't take all day.
You can open your eyes now, Daniel.
Thank you, Mom.
I am here.
Let me see.
Okay.
I'll let you touch mine if I can touch yours.
You first.
Alexander!
I'm telling.
I don't wanna go to the doctor!
I don't wanna go!
You're overreacting, John.
I don't wanna go!
We don't wanna go!
Speak up.
I can't hear you.
I don't wanna go!
You're overreacting.
I don't wanna go!
What the hell do you mean, overreacting?
He doesn't need to go to the doctor.
Shut the hell up!
I don't wanna go to the doctor!
Tell your son to shut the hell up.
Stop.
Stop kicking my god damn...
Daniel.
Shit.
Holy shit!
Are you all right?
Please. 
My son.
Don't move.
Just stay put.
I'll call for help.
You just stay awake.
All right?
You'll be okay, baby.
You just stay awake, Daniel.
Daniel, stay awake, okay?
Where were you?
He wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
Dead right away.
Panic moment.
You see what's coming but there's nothing you can do.
Mom was jammed in the wreck with me.
Cops said she must've been alive for maybe another half hour.
She didn't take her eyes off of me... for 30 minutes.
30 minutes of panic.
I wonder if she thought I was dead.
It's actually really easy to veer into oncoming traffic.
You just take your attention away from the road for one second... and it's over.
Daniel...
Please stop.
We don't wanna die.
Margret?
Daniel.
What a surprise.
I've missed you.
It's so good to see you.
Are you all right?
Come.
I'll make you some tea.
Still two sugars?
No, no sugar now.
I watch your TV show.
It's not mine anymore.
I'm sorry to hear that.
So, what are you doing now?
Just trying to figure some stuff out.
I went back the other day... for the first time.
Is the swing still in the front yard?
Your mother loved that swing.
Yeah.
It's still there.
Margret, I just wanted to thank you... for everything that you did for me... after.
I loved having you and your sister here, Daniel.
How is she?
She's having a baby next month.
Yeah.
She misses you, too.
I don't blame her anymore.
Do you still blame yourself?
Daniel?
You, your sister, your father, your mother... each and every one of you... could carry the blame for what happened that day... but it wouldn't change anything.
My sister adored you.
You were just like her, you know. 
Her little artist.
She would be devastated if she knew that you were suffering because of what happened.
Daniel, you lived for a reason.
Your mother believed in fate.
You must be strong... for her... and me.
It was so good to see you.
Now, don't be a stranger.
Yeah, I'm available.
I think I can make that work, but I'll have to check first.
Sure.
I'll get back to you.
All right, I...
All right. 
You're welcome.
Everything okay?
Everything's fine.
And?
A job offer.
That's great.
It's a possibility.
So?
They offered me the job.
Congratulations... but you know, you should call Barb.
Jesus, it's fucking freezing in here.
So, what are you gonna want.
I don't know.
I wanna be free... inside... for real.
Not-not just have to act confident.
To be able to be happy or sad without everything turning into some kind of disaster.
Bravo.
Hey.
I know a place... that you can go shopping... where there are...
only periphery aisles... and lots of exit signs.
Let's go.
It's like it was made for you.
That one?
Yeah.
This is getting better by the minute.
Hey, you know what pairs perfectly with pasta?
-What?
-Chianti.
Grapes Sangiovese, and its acidity balances out with the tomato sauce so well.
I love when you talk like that.
You're so smart.
I love it when you get this close.
My God.
I love these dolls.
Look, there's one inside the other and they're all exactly the same.
Even the little one.
This one's me.
I forgot the Russian dolls.
No, Alex!
No!
Alex!
Alex...
You're gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay.
I love you.
You're gonna be okay.
Please.
Please.
You don't need me.
Yes, I do.
Yes.
You can do it by yourself.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I'll always be with you.
Inside of you.
You're okay, buddy.
You're okay, buddy.
Lover... 
Lover...
Crazy?
!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Someone call 911!
You okay?
Can't you see he needs help?
!
Do you need help?
Hey. 
Hey, you.
I almost ran you over.
Where is he?
!
Where is he?
!
Where is he?
!
Barb...
I've got an idea.
I've received an offer, but I need a producing partner to pull it off.
It's big.
How big?
Major network.
Primetime.
There's an elephant in the room here, Daniel, and how do you plan to deal with that?
Never live, no studio audience, no pressure.
I can handle it.
Tell me why I should agree to partner with you.
Because you believe in me as much as I believe in you.
I'm listening.

Henry!
Get out of here!
Just go home, and leave this all to me!
Go!
_
♪ The river did come to me ♪
♪ Straight into my arms ♪
♪ I tried to hold it ♪
♪ But it just ran through my fingers ♪
♪ The ocean did come to me ♪
♪ Straight into my arms ♪
♪ I tried to caress it ♪
♪ But it ran through my fingers ♪
♪ Water will keep running ♪
♪ Rivers will turn ♪
♪ Water will keep running ♪
♪ Rivers will turn ♪
♪ Water will keep running ♪
♪ Rivers will turn ♪
♪ Water will keep running ♪
♪ Rivers will turn ♪
♪ The wind blows from north to south ♪
♪ But I'm still where I was ♪
♪ Keep taking some shirts off ♪
♪ And taking them off ♪
♪ Everything is all gone ♪
♪ Leaking about ♪
♪ Everything is all gone ♪
♪ Leaking about ♪
♪ Everything is all gone ♪
♪ Leaking about ♪
♪ Everything is all gone ♪
- Liam?
- ♪ Leaking about. ♪
What's the matter?
- Hey.
- Hey. 
You found them.
They were in a snow hole.
I'd never have seen it.
Ah, their camp blew away in the night.
Cheap tourist junk.
Yeah, but Hawkeye here spotted 'em about a half a mile up over the glacier.
Good work.
Anybody hurt?
Ah, they'll hurt when I bill 'em for the fuel.
Great. 
Thanks.
Henry.
This is for Henry.
Straight from the Governor's office.
Henry Tyson's medical adjudication.
So it's only a matter of weeks, then.
Yes.
So now the Governor has no choice.
Okay, boss?
I put your bowl on the floor, sweetie, in case you're sick again.
He was up three times through the night, and now he's got a temperature.
What is his temperature?
I don't know.
Was burning hot.
So you haven't taken his temperature?
No, but it's... he's burning up.
Are you asleep, kiddo?
You got your mum all wound up now.
You hear me?
Liam.
You're not well, son.
Liam.
Then why don't you call the doctor if you're that concerned?
- Vincent Rattrey?
- Professor Stoddart? 
Hello.
- Hello.
- Nice to meet you.
- Let me take that.
- Oh, thank you.
And their research suggests industrial perfluoroalkyl compounds have begun to breach the blood-brain barrier in arctic predators.
Cannibalism's a psychotic behavior.
Bears devouring other bears,
I mean, is the last resort for any species.
Oh, just put it on the backseat.
Just come out of the dark months, the winter dark.
People are out and about again.
Bears, too.
Does it not really mess with your body clock, your mood and things?
Do people suffer from depression?
The opposite, elation.
They say gleoi.
- Gleoi.
- Gleoi.
Danish, Swedish, Norwegian,
Icelandic, Lap, we got 'em all here, and I'll guarantee you'll never know which is which.
Friday evening, I'll make dinner, get Natalie around, too.
I'll have finished my report by then.
Lots to talk about, Vincent.
Cannibalism's not the only aberrant behavior we're seeing.
What's the report on, Professor?
Environmental impact assessment for a tourist development.
While you're here, these are yours for departmental use.
You'll need your own rifle and a hat, something groovy with earflaps.
And welcome to Fortitude.
Hey.
Read a review of this only last night.
The man was saying it was the very best digital projector currently available.
Bit like going to the pictures at home, eh?
I thought Liam was coming over.
Liam's sick today.
Liam's not coming?
You two fallen out?
No.
What's that you got?
I found it.
Found it where?
Was Liam's dad in the army?
Afghanistan. 
His last tour was February.
So this is your first summer in the arctic.
Yeah.
Is it bad?
Liam's got the mumps.
Since he was sick last night,
Liam has not opened his eyes.
Hasn't woken at all?
No.
Sleep is the healing strategy that the body of a child employs.
Liam's body is tackling a heavy viral infection.
You know, even when a child is asleep, they can be fully aware of what's going on around them.
What Liam needs from us is calm, someone with him at all times.
Probably best if it's his mother.
You and Frank planning on having any more children?
Are we what?
Has his dad had the mumps?
Uh... he hasn't told me one way or the other.
Well, ask him.
Tell him to give me a call at the surgery if he hasn't.
This could be a trunk.
That's a tusk.
So it has to be a mammoth.
You think it's a prehistoric mammoth thawed out of the permafrost?
Hey, we need to get out of here before any bears show up.
We could both use this, Jason.
When that mine shuts, I have nothing, Jas, nothing lined up, nothing saved, nothing.
Carrie's 10 now. 
She needs things.
We could try and sell this to the Research Centre as a scientific specimen, split it 50-50.
What do you think?
Let's get it on the truck.
Very impressive, Hildur.
And now look.
See?
They wired it up with teeny-weeny lightbulbs.
It really comes to life, doesn't it?
It's time you and Henry sorted out your differences, Dan.
By taking him his exile letter?
Well, he can't die here.
That's the law.
Look, he's old. 
He's lonely.
He's dying.
You're his friend, so fix it.
Margaret.
Liam Sutter, 10 years old.
Mm-hmm. 
What about him?
He's got the mumps, 99% sure mumps,
- but...
- But what?
it just might be something else.
Yes? 
Why are you telling us this?
Because his dad was in Afghanistan, and childhood poliomyelitis is rife out there.
Incubation period, up to 37 weeks, so it is possible we're just seeing it now in Liam.
Polio?
It's a quarantine issue.
You up for that, Governor?
Seal off the town? 
It'll be your responsibility.
Well, wouldn't we just isolate the Sutter child and quarantine the family?
If he's been carrying polio for the past 37 weeks,
I think it's way, way, way, way, way too late for that.
I'll run some tests.
Polio?
I know.
Sorry.
All the glasses in the middle.
Here.
You're so gorgeous.
So you're search and rescue.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
What do you do?
You find helpless women?
You swoop down and save them?
Yeah, something like that.
Maybe they're gonna need someone to save you from me.
You think?
Mm-hmm.
You know... in this place... things can come at you from nowhere.
Things?
What kinds of things?
Monsters.
- Monsters?
- Mm-hmm.
You won't see them, you won't hear them... until they have you in their teeth.
You know?
And then they're gone... into the darkness... before you know it.
Hi.
You're Vincent Rattrey?
Natalie Yelburton.
So you're the guy that thinks PFAs could be responsible for these reindeer abnormalities I've been finding.
You saw my paper.
Skimmed it.
So what's this experiment here for?
This?
Oh, this is dinner.
Where did you get this?
Out of its mouth.
Its mouth?
I found a carcass thawed out of the ground.
You know, wiry, matted ginger hair, trunk.
Did somebody put you up to this?
No.
There's an entire carcass?
I mean, its value to science is... is just incalculable.
What's your name, please?
Jason.
So... put a precise number on incalculable for me, Professor.
How do you mean?
What's it worth?
It's priceless.
No, I mean what's it worth to you?
How much would the Research Centre give me for it?
No, you... no, you listen to me.
The law about finds of this nature is perfectly clear.
- Okay.
- Hey.
Hey!
Hey, I know you!
Your name's Jason!
Jason!
Are you still employed at the hotel?
Yes.
Has anyone in Fortitude spoken to you about the incident or given you reason to believe they may have learned about the incident?
No.
I'm required to ask you if you feel safe in Fortitude.
Yes.
I'm required to ask you if you have any plans to leave Fortitude.
No.
Because you know if you do, you must tell us.
Otherwise, you would be in serious breach of your license and liable to recall.
Mm-hmm.
Are you seeing anybody?
Is that an official question?
Officially... that would be none of anybody's business.
Okay.
Thank you.
I don't like you going out there without telling me.
All I was doing was going up to the cabin to fix the storm shutters.
Listen, you stood in a bear trap, for goodness sakes.
You could have lost your leg.
Okay, look, I'm sorry, Hildy.
I'm sorry.
So how is everything coming along?
How's your speech?
Do you need any good jokes for it?
The ice drill's en route.
- Really?
- Mm.
Left Oslo this morning, so it arrives on Wednesday.
All happening.
Storm shutters.
What?
You're lying to me, Eric.
"We live in the one place on Earth guaranteed a quiet life.
Our honeymoon was a night of thrills and magic.
Thrills and magic.
Eric took me up onto the glacier in a tent... and now we're building a hideaway in the ice, a hotel hewn into the glacier itself, where lovers of the wilderness, lovers of the northern lights,
or just lovers...
Good morning.
How you doing?
Fortitude Police.
Now...
I see you are not carrying any hunting rifles for protection from the polar bears.
I understand.
I understand, sir, where you're coming from.
Good.
But the waiting period for firearms put that precaution out of our reach.
So that is that.
I beg your pardon?
That is that.
See, we're only traveling inland.
No bears.
No bears inland?
No bears inland.
What my friend means is since, as we all know, polar bears are coastal predators and we're not traveling along the coast, then the recommended precautions were not applicable in our time scale.
How are you?
I'm good.
What's he doing?
- He's Norwegian.
- Ah.
Look at this.
A polar bear will be eating you before you are dead.
Once he has ahold of you, he is eating you.
This is all the bear left of Billy Pettigrew once he was done with eating him.
So you need to go back into town and equip yourselves properly before you continue.
Oh, fuck this.
"Fuck this"?
Fuck this!
Fuck him.
Hey!
We have a gun.
This would not stop me, never mind a bear.
So you will walk back down the glacier into town.
You will keep my rifle for protection.
When you get back, you will bring my rifle to me, and I will return your handgun.
Is that the cop you told me about?
No.
I put that one in the hospital.
No.
Do you mind if I make more steam?
No.
It's late.
♪ There's a yellow rose in Texas... ♪
Pints?
- Thank you.
- For concussion.
You taking the wine to the Professor's?
Yep.
Who's that?
That's the Sheriff.
Is he a good Sheriff or a bad Sheriff?
Well, no one knows.
Why not?
In Fortitude, there's two fundamental rules.
You have to have a roof over your head, and you have to be able to provide for yourself, so it follows.
Everyone's got a job.
No one's poor, so there's no stealing, and there's no crime.
Everybody's always happy.
There's nothing for him to do, then?
So nobody knows whether he's a good Sheriff or a bad Sheriff.
Henry?
Drinking yourself to death?
Join me.
You want me to throw this lot out?
No, leave 'em.
Are we gonna talk, Henry?
Billy Pettigrew was a geologist, it says.
Yes.
He was looking for something up on the glacier.
That's right.
No wife and no kids.
Just like you and me, Dan.
Yep.
No mention anywhere at all of the bullet that killed him.
Nobody found a bullet.
That was down to you.
The state he was in, they weren't looking for a bullet.
I can keep myself topped up.
I shake like a fucking leaf.
I was stone-cold sober that morning.
It was a mercy you shot him.
"A mercy."
I shot him.
Meant to hit the bear, but I shot him.
Bang.
Then the car door slams, and I think, "No engine, no siren."
Car door slams, and there you are.
You were there, weren't you?
The Governor has advised that your prognosis is now final-stage palliative care.
You can go back to the mainland, Henry.
Tell me.
You can die in peace in a hospice being cared for, not by yourself in this hovel.
Forget what happened.
He was as good as dead.
Tell me.
I can't tell you.
Why don't you trust me?
If Frank hadn't shown up for another couple of hours,
I'd have nodded off.
How long till you can walk?
I can walk now.
Means I don't have to sit through poor Hildur's presentation.
Do you know a bloke called Jason?
A coal miner? 
Yeah, I know him. 
Why?
We had a fight.
A fight?
Well... more of a scuffle.
He showed me a bit of something that he found.
What?
Animal remains.
What kind of animal?
Can I just say if he did find it on this island...
Now you don't want to look like a gullible asshole.
Can you arrest him?
Find out if he's telling the truth?
Because if he is, this thing needs protecting.
Tell you what.
When I get back, I'll pay him a visit, all right?
So what do we do next?
Let him stew for a while... mull it over.
I'll go and see him again, tell him he's got 24 hours to make an offer... or the carcass get torched.
I'll go this time, fuck with him.
No, you won't, Ronnie.
This thing needs calm and fucking diplomacy.
I mean, look at you.
Liam hasn't opened his eyes.
He isn't responding to my voice or his dad's.
I think...
I think we need to get him out of here.
I think he's...
I want him in a proper hospital where they know what to do.
I think he's much sicker than that woman...
- Hey, hey. 
It's okay.
- No, I do.
I think he is much sicker than that woman says.
She's... 
I don't trust her, that Dr. Allerdyce. 
She's...
Jules, listen to me.
If Liam is not better by tomorrow morning,
I will have him airlifted.
Airlifted?
If there is no improvement in Liam's condition by tomorrow morning,
I will requisition a flight to the mainland.
Really?
Yes, of course.
Good.
Now, I have to go.
Have you met Elena?
Elena?
- Hi.
- Hi.
You must be Jules.
Yeah, that's right, Jules Sutter.
You're married to the search-and-rescue guy, the new guy.
You know Frank?
Well, I know who he is.
How much does an ice drill cost?
Oh, we'll recover the capital outlay soon enough, Charlie.
You're putting all your eggs in one little basket.
Well, I have no choice.
You know that. 
The mines are mined out.
There's no future apart from tourism, is there?
Tourists, that's all the glacier really means to you, isn't it?
It means businesses staying in business, Charlie, shops, bars, hotels, restaurants, hire firms, camping equipment.
You won't win this argument by resorting to emotional blackmail.
What argument? 
There isn't any argument.
Where the hell is this coming from all of a sudden?
You have reassured me at every stage of planning that it is a foregone conclusion that your report will permit the development of the Glacier Hotel project.
- I gave you no...
- I have committed funds.
I gave you no cast-iron assurances.
- Public finances...
- Hildur...
You promised me, Charlie!
So... will the report give final approval for the Glacier Hotel project or not?
What if something was found up there and we had to protect it?
What?
Something... th-that came out of the ice.
What something?
Charlie?
Come on.
Hey.
I spoke to Dan Anderssen.
You spoke to Dan?
You spoke to Dan? 
What about?
He said if there's no improvement in Liam by the morning, he's gonna have him flown out to the mainland.
You spoke to... why? 
Why would you do that?
Why would you go behind my back?
It's mumps, for Christ's sake.
What if it's not?
! 
You can watch him.
Where you going?
Jules.
Wow.
You've never seen that before?
No.
I thought you studied polar bears.
Well, apex predators, not polar bears.
Oh, okay, grizzlies.
No.
Vincent, your paper was on biomagnifcation of perfluoroalkyls in apex predators.
Yeah, in the U.K.
In the U.K.?
What?
Badgers?
Yes, badgers.
Badger can give you a pretty nasty bite, actually.
Hi.
Liam?
You're awake.
You feel better?
Frank.
Frank, come here. 
He's all better.
Give me a cuddle.
There we go. 
Ooh.
My little soldier.
The swelling's gone down completely.
Yeah.
I'm hungry.
He's hungry.
All the time, I'm afraid to speak, in case I annoy you.
I spend my life trying to think what it is you want... and I'm afraid I get it wrong.
What, Liam?
What's the matter? 
Are you all right?
- Liam, calm down.
- Liam, what is it?
- What is it, son?
- Liam?
- Liam?
- My feet are burning!
Liam?
Sweetie, it's all right. 
Calm down.
Get the car keys.
Jules, get the car keys!
Charlie Stoddart said something's been found.
He's not going to give us the go-ahead.
What's he talking about? 
What's been found?
He didn't say.
Governor.
Yeah, he didn't tell me.
- You know the Governor.
- Of course.
We would like you to meet Amanda Phelps of England.
Third- and fourth-degree frostbite.
We'll have to wait a few weeks.
Wait? 
Wait for what?
To see if debridement is necessary, amputation, perhaps.
The doctor will explain.
It is beyond me how you could let this happen to a little boy.
What have you done?
What?
You're lying to me.
Jules, I'm not lying.
You left him on his own.
You must have done. 
He must have gone looking for you.
He must have gone outside because you weren't there.
Please, Jules, not now.
Please? 
Please what?
What have you done?
Where did you go?
Where did you go?
Hello?
Professor Stoddart?
Hello?
Professor Stoddart?
Hello?
Hello!
Stay down there.
Facedown. 
Facedown.
I just... just got here.
Cross your hands behind your back.
Up.
Please, I just... just found him in there.
I didn't...
Kneel down.
Stay there.
I chose a life of crime in a town where there's none.
I studied criminal law on the mainland, came to Fortitude, and married a policeman.
And we live on the one place on Earth we're guaranteed a quiet life.
Our honeymoon was a night of thrills and magic.
Eric took me up onto the glacier in a tent... or more a bivouac, really.
And the temperature fell to minus-30, so that night, we saw the most spectacular aurora borealis
I'd ever seen, the fireworks of the gods, as we call it, the heavens singing.
You can actually hear them, you know, the northern lights outside the city.
And now we are building a hideaway in the ice.
We are building a hotel hewn into the glacier itself, where lovers of the wilderness, lovers of the northern lights, or just lovers can witness the wildest things they'll ever see from the safest place on Earth.
I'm quite proud of that line, actually, so I don't mind if you want to use it in your brochures.
And here it is.
Excavation's scheduled to begin in two weeks' time, and in six months, we would be ready for our very first guests.
So thank you, and enjoy.
Sheriff Anderssen for you.
- Dan.
- Hildur.
Charlie Stoddart's dead.
What?
I'm sounding the bear warning.
Keep all the delegates in the building.
Bear attack?
Search the perimeter of the property, prints, spoor, or blood trail.
If you see the bear, shoot to kill.
- What about him?
- Go.
You stay in the back of the car till the officers return.
You think a bear did this?
For your own safety.
Go as quick as you can, because...
Yeah.
Easy!
Hey!
Bear trails lead from the back of the house.
Don't let the dogs inside.
I'm dying of liver cancer.
What?
!
I'm dying of liver cancer.
Thank you.
Out of here!
Before you set off the alarms!
Yeah! 
Yeah!
In the Research Centre, we have equipment which could... could significantly improve Liam's chances of recovery.
Equipment?
Hyperbaric oxygen treatment can increase the viability of reversibly damaged cells by preventing hypoxia and reducing edema.
Okay, if that's what he needs, yes.
It's a research center.
It isn't set up to treat patients.
It's experimental, and... there are risks.
Well, do you think it...
- you could get Liam in?
- We could make an exception.
I'd need a signed consent.
Hello.
Did you search the grounds for the bear?
Yes, of course.
You can't hear them coming, you know.
Dan.
Oh, my God.
Look at the wound pattern, Margaret.
This wasn't done by a bear.
- Hildur.
- Oh, oh, my Christ, Dan.
Hildur, listen to me.
We have a very serious problem here.
I don't think this was a bear attack.
He's alive.
He's still alive.
Falling, dropping. 
He's falling to 42.
He's arresting.
Cardiac massage.
Just put as much pressure there as you can, yes?
Paddles! 
Paddles! 
Paddles!
Charging.
Clear.
Where's Charlie? 
What's going on, Dan?
- You shouldn't be here.
- What?
There's nothing you can do here, Henry.
Go home. 
Let me take care of this.
Go home.
Petra, what's happening?
Professor Stoddart's been attacked and left for dead.
At first, we thought it might have been a bear...
What?
but now it looks like murder, so full forensics, murder forensics, not bear forens... it's awful in there.
Hup. 
Go. 
Get in.
Hey!
Mr. Sutter!
What now? 
What... what is going on?
What are you doing out here?
I'm looking.
What the hell are you looking for?
You're driving my dog nuts.
Mm?
What were you doing earlier this evening?
What? 
Something wrong?
Ah, you were doing something you shouldn't.
Yeah.
Yeah, five minutes while I get my gear.
Am I speaking to the same detective who was out here, D.S. Littlejohn, investigating the Pettigrew death?
No. 
No, no, please, listen. 
Listen.
Listen.
Billy Pettigrew wasn't eaten by a bear.
He was murdered.
Now Professor Charlie Stoddart has been murdered as well.
The Governor is responsible.
Her Sheriff killed them both.
Hey! 
Hey!
Somebody!
Hello! 
Natalie should have been there, too!
He thinks she was invited to dinner, too.
I know where she lives, and I'm on my way.
Find her, and bring her in, Ingrid.
Swabs, clipping, fingerprints.
She's not a suspect, is she?
Ingrid, it's important we can rule Natalie out.
Okay, I'm on it.
Varsagod.
There's a bear in town, Carrie.
Where's your dad?
He's at work.
- Bye, Shirley.
- Takk.
Item?
Sometimes a bear comes into town, and then the police have to carefully usher him out again.
There are 3,000 of them and 713 of us, so I tell you if those bears ever get organized...
Excuse me.
- You'll...?
- Yeah.
So, if you please gather around...
Governor.
I've just spoken to Dr. Allerdyce.
It was too late to save him.
Charlie Stoddart died on the operating table five minutes ago.
- Governor Odegard...
- Yes.
I was hoping that we'd meet your husband before we left tomorrow.
Is that going to be a possibility?
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
Eric's quite indisposed.
Not too serious, I hope.
Oh, no. 
He stood in a bear trap.
What?
The pulse.
Yes?
It's right here.
Yes.
When you found him, you felt for a pulse, didn't you?
Yes.
Here, on his throat.
Hmm.
And his wrist, here.
Yes.
You looked into the man's eyes face to face, like this.
Yes. 
N-nothing.
There was noth... nothing. 
He was dead when I found him, no pulse, no pupil response, was... he was dead.
You're sure?
Yes, I'm sure.
Okay, Jackie.
Connected.
Mom.
Hey, kiddo. 
I'm here.
You're gonna be all right. 
The doctor's looking after everything, okay?
Mom, what is this?
Where am I?
Shh. 
Shh, shh. 
You stay down. 
Don't worry.
- Okay...
- Hold him down.
Liam, this isn't going to hurt.
It's gonna be all right.
Move out of the way, please.
Natalie!
It's me!
It's Ingrid!
Dan, Natalie isn't home.
Her snowmobile is gone, and looks like she's packed clothes for a trip.
She might have done a runner.
Groups of four!
Line up, and listen to Chief Anderssen.
Fast as we can now. 
Come on!
Fast as we can!
Can we handle this?
Are you?
Do we have the resources, or should I request assistance from the mainland?
I can handle this.
You were drinking.
Hildur, I was off duty.
If the murder team come over from the mainland, they'll be looking at you, Hildur, won't they?
Charlie wouldn't give you the glacier.
Our missing girl's name is Natalie Yelburton... 29 years old.
You all have her picture.
Many of you know her... friends of hers.
Before you leave here, you must understand this.
Natalie Yelburton could be a victim, missing, lost, abducted.
Okay, let's go.
- Okay, come on.
- Let's go.
Let's go! 
Move it out!
Hello?
Anybody?
I'm looking for Chief Superintendant Dan Anderssen!
I have brought back your fucking rifle!
Hello?
Dan Anderssen?
Motherfucker.
I just thought you should know they've got a treatment for frostbite at the Research Centre, and I brought Liam here.
Just thought you should know.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello. 
Is... is everything okay?
Traditionally, they used wee.
Old ladies' urine.
Oh, God. 
You've got to be kidding me.
But nowadays it's fermented in ammonia.
Well, that's progress.
No, you have to wash the fish thoroughly in fresh water before you cook it, or you could burn your esophagus.
I-I bet.
So do you cook this...?
Lutefisk.
- Lutefisk. 
Lutefisk...
- Lutefisk.
for your husband?
- Once.
- Yeah.
He wouldn't eat it.
So what do you do?
Wait. 
Let me guess.
Travel industry.
You know, the one thing that I don't understand about Fortitude is how the people there endure the dark months,
I mean, the isolation, the cold, the desolation.
the loneliness.
It's never lonely.
No?
All the people who live there, most of them, share an understanding.
What about?
You look out for the wind chimes.
Okey-dokey.
Am I going to have a lawyer?
You haven't been charged, only arrested, so you're not entitled to a lawyer unless or until you are charged.
What if I need legal help?
I can give you any legal advice you might require.
I thought you said you were the governor.
I'm also a trained lawyer and the Chief of Police on Fortitude.
Well, you do have it all sewn up.
Sound?
You need to record all of this.
- I know.
- Is it recording?
I think it's recording.
So why can't we hear what they're saying?
I don't know. 
I'm not a fucking computer expert.
Is that how you got that head wound there?
- Okay.
- No.
So we see it recording.
I-I slipped...
Now we can't hear what they're saying again.
Ingrid, this is crucial evidence. 
It better be recording.
Where's the manual?
It is recording.
I don't know.
I think it might still be recording.
We just cannot hear it out of these stupid speakers.
Hope so.
Red light. 
Red light. 
Red light.
What do you think you and the Professor were going to talk about?
About the work I was doing here at university and... actually he mentioned something about an environmental report that he'd written, he was going to talk to me and Natalie about, but, no,
I don't know, apart from that.
Thank you.
- It's not him, is it?
- No.
The boy was leaning on top of him.
There wasn't a speck of Charlie's blood on him anywhere.
But until we have somebody else in custody,
I'm not letting him walk.
It'll create panic, like we've lost control.
I wasn't going to let him go.
And what about the girl, Natalie?
She's not at home.
Her snowmobile's missing.
Yep, gotta find her.
Oh.
How long?
They can't say yet.
They have to allow as much tissue to recover as possible before they can make any decisions.
About amputation?
Yeah.
Where were you?
Where did you go?
Jules, listen.
I know what you're thinking.
I don't know what to tell you.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what happened.
I think what happened is you went out to be with another woman.
Is that right?
Listen, Jules...
- Oh, my God, you were.
- please.
Go.
She can have you.
Just go.
Jul...
Hmm.
Sheriff.
Elena.
Hi.
♪ Some words don't come easy ♪
♪ Some don't come at all ♪
♪ I don't think I... ♪
Where... where were you last night?
Where?
Did you meet anyone last night?
No.
Do you know Charlie Stoddart?
The man who was killed?
Yes.
Did you know him?
♪ Some words don't come easy... ♪
No.
I didn't know him at all.
♪ I don't think I'll be talking... ♪
- Okay.
- ♪ When you leave ♪
Would you like a drink?
♪ When I was young ♪
♪ I dreamed of highways ♪
♪ Never knew ♪
♪ I'd lose you there ♪
♪ You've got yours ♪
♪ And I got my ways ♪
♪ It's all gone... ♪
Benny.
♪ I don't care. ♪
How did London get the news so quickly?
Look, I have 100% confidence in the Fortitude police, but if London are kind enough to offer us this level of assistance and experience, then obviously...
Every consideration.
Yes. 
Thank you.
- He's right there.
- Up here?
Straight... yes.
You need a hand?
No, I'm good. 
Thank you.
Right.
Chief Superintendant Dan Anderssen, let me introduce
Detective Chief Inspector Eugene Morton.
Hi. 
Gene.
- Dan.
- Right.
Here. 
I have a... this is a commission rogatory.
It's a cross-border memorandum of understanding between Oslo and London.
It formalizes my role as a representative for the interests of the family of the murder victim, so...
Very good.
Right.
Ever since they opened the Research Centre, there's been this accord.
Not with me.
DCI Morton is a forensic expert.
He can provide invaluable analytical skills, skills and experiences he acquired working with the FBI.
Hmm. 
We have skills.
I'm sure you do.
And also with the International Aviation...
Authorities Air Crash Investigation Unit.
- Investigation Unit, yeah.
- Right.
We don't have an air crash.
_
I've told DCI Morton that we will extend him every consideration.
All right, if you'll excuse me.
Yeah.
Well, I have never felt cold like this.
My ears actually hurt.
And I've never seen a polar bear.
I've never eaten lutefisk.
What?
- Lutefisk.
- What about it?
I've never eaten it.
I've never tried it.
But there's always a first time for everything.
And you've never conducted a murder investigation.
All right, I'll make a deal with you, Chief Superintendant Anderssen.
If I'm right...
I'll leave in a day or two, but if I'm wrong,
I'll be on the next plane back to London, no questions asked, no recriminations.
What are you talking about?
Outside Professor Stoddart's house,
I bet there are wind chimes.
You know, in the home counties, they have a similar signal, pampas grass in the garden.
Means that swingers live there.
That's not something we have in Fortitude.
What, sexual infidelity?
Pampas grass.
How did the dog die?
I shot it.
Do you have another one of those suits I can use?
No.
Officer.
- DCI Morton. 
Hi.
- Hi.
London Met. 
I'm here to assist with the investigation.
Chief Anderssen wanted you take me down to the station straightaway.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Chief Anderssen said that?
- Yeah.
Yeah. 
He also said that you're the best officer to bring me up to speed.
Shall we?
- Sure.
- Okay.
Just straight down there.
Great. 
You could not have been more helpful.
- Thank you.
- My pleasure, sir.
Hi. 
I'm meeting Trish Stoddart in...
She's in Dan's office.
Yes, good. 
Thank you.
Oh.
So who are you, really, then?
Let me introduce myself formerly, Trish.
I'm Detective Inspector Morton of the Metropolitan Police.
But you're an American.
Yes.
So can you tell me what the hell is going on?
Well, I hope so.
I mean, that's why I'm here, to find out what's going on and to look out for your best interests in the investigation.
What investigation?
Nobody's told you?
Told what?
I've been told to wait.
Dan needed to speak to me.
Okay.
Well... your husband Charlie is dead.
What?
What?
Somebody or something assaulted your husband in your home.
At any rate, while they were searching the premises, it turns out your husband was still alive, unbeknownst to them.
He was left?
Yes. yes.
For how long?
An hour.
And as soon as they found out, they called an ambulance, they got him to the hospital, but it was too late, and he died.
Dan's here to talk to you about it now.
I'm very sorry.
I thought you knew.
I think we can rule out the grieving widow.
I need a room.
Um...
Please, can you just get me a room?
Ah, I've messed everything up.
Yeah, I heard something happened to Liam.
Is he being flown out?
It's much worse than that.
Liam's too sick to be moved.
Oh.
But look, just please... just give me a room.
We can talk about this after.
There are no rooms.
You can use my room.
Hi.
Starting without me?
Who are you?
DCI Morton.
- From London?
- Mm-hmm.
30 degrees softens up the dried blood just about right.
You don't want to use too much pressure, because you want to make sure not to wash away any secondary contaminants.
Are you okay taking notes?
So you're here to help?
That's right.
- From London?
- Mm-hmm.
But he was only declared dead 12 hours ago.
- Mm-hmm.
- So... so how could you have got here from London to help with the postmortem if you would have had to leave when he was still alive?
"If you would have had to leave."
Your English is very good.
Okay, it's already apparent that more than one bladed implement was used in the attack.
The striations here in the ribs and the sternum suggest a cleaver.
These long incisions here are some sort of stabbing implement.
And then these triangular punctures that are all over the torso, those suggest a third assailant and maybe, maybe that this is some kind of ritualistic murder.
Ritualistic murder?
What kind of a ritualistic murder would you say involves a potato peeler?
Hmm?
Get out of here.
I can't do that.
Shall I continue with the postmortem examination, boss?
Please, Petra.
Actually, let me take you through it from the very beginning.
With this degree of injury, cardiac output would be impaired and blood flow to and from the brain severely compromised, and this would mean that the pulse at the victim's throat would be barely perceptible.
Pupil dilation response was next to zero, and so he appeared dead.
Hildy.
What's the matter?
What, no one's told you?
Told me what?
Charlie Stoddart's been murdered.
What?
I saw him on the floor, and he was... he was all... he was completely split open.
Come here.
Oh, that's terrible.
Jesus Christ.
I know who did it.
- Where are your cigarettes?
- Right there.
Where?
Not in your jeans.
Try my jacket.
Hey, what the hell is this?
That's mine.
They got a man in custody, but they are still looking.
This professor had his head open. 
Imagine that.
Jason. 
Jason. 
Pick up, Jason.
Christ's sakes, Jason, what have you done?
You know that Jason is incapable of doing anything like that.
Then I have to speak to him.
You shoot to stop, just like you would a bear.
I should have been there, but I was with you.
Trish, we might have found something incredible, something that's going to cause a hell of a lot of trouble.
Is this what got him killed?
He was already inside the house.
- Dan was already there?
- Yes.

(waves crashing)
(wind whistling)
(man screaming in distance)
(shutter clicks)
(screaming continues)
(screaming continues)
(man screaming)
(bear growling)
(rifle fires)
(car door slams)
Policeman:
Henry!
Get out of here!
Just go home and leave this all to me!
Go!
♪ the river did come to me ♪ straight into my arms ♪ I tried to hold it ♪ but it just ran through my fingers ♪ ♪ the ocean did come to me
♪ straight into my arms ♪ I tried to caress it ♪ but it ran through my fingertips... ♪
♪ water will keep running, rivers will turn ♪ ♪ water will keep running and rivers will turn ♪ ♪ water will keep running, rivers will turn ♪
♪ water will keep running, rivers will turn. ♪
♪ the wind blows from north to south ♪ ♪ but I'm still where I was ♪ keep taking some shirts off ♪ and taking them off ♪ everything is open, leaking about ♪
♪ everything is open, leaking about ♪ ♪ everything is open, leaking about... ♪
Liam?
What's the matter?
Hey.
They were in a snow hole.
I'd never have seen it.
The camp blew away in the night.
Cheap tourist junk.
Hawkeye here spotted them
About half a mile up over the glacier.
Good work.
Anybody hurt?
They'll hurt when I bill them for the fuel.
Great, thanks.
Henry.
This is for henry.
Straight from the governor's office.
Henry tyson's medical adjudication.
So it's only a matter of weeks then.
Yes.
So now the governor has no choice.
Okay, boss?
Woman:
I've put your bowl on the floor, sweetie,
In case you're sick again.
He was up three times through the night
And now he's got a temperature.
What is his temperature?
I don't know.
He's burning hot.
So you haven't taken his temperature?
He's burning up.
You asleep, kiddo?
You've got your mum all wound up now.
You hear me?
Liam?
You not well, son?
Liam?
Why don't you call the doctor if you're that concerned?
(flight attendant speaking norwegian)
Vincent rattrey?
Professor stoddart?
Hello, nice to meet you.
Let me take that for you.
Vincent:
And their research suggests
Industrial perfluoroalkyl compounds
Have begun to breach the blood/brain barrier
In arctic predators.
Cannibalism's a psychotic behavior.
Bears devouring other bears.
I mean, it's the last resort for any species.
Just put it on the back seat.
We've just come out of the dark months--
The winter dark.
People are out and about again.
Bears, too.
Vincent:
Does it not really mess with your body clock,
Your mood and things?
Don't people suffer from depression?
The opposite.
Elation.
They say "glethi."
Glethi?
Danish, swedish, norwegian, icelandic, lap.
We've got them all here,
And I guarantee you'll never know which is which.
Stoddart:
Friday evening, I'll make dinner.
I'll get natalie round too.
I'll have finished my report by then.
Lots to talk about, vincent.
Cannibalism's not the only aberrant behavior we're seeing.
What's the report on, professor?
Environmental impact assessment for a tourist development.
While you're here,
These are yours for departmental use.
You'll need your own rifle and a hat.
Something groovy with earflaps.
And, uh Welcome to fortitude!
(indistinct chatter on tv)
I read a review of this only last night,
And the man was saying it was the very best
Digital projector currently available.
Like going to the pictures at home, eh?
I thought liam was coming over.
Liam's sick today.
Liam's not coming?
Have you two fallen out?
No.
What's that you've got?
I found it.
Found it where?
Doctor:
Was liam's dad in the army?
Woman:
Afghanistan.
His last tour was February.
So this is your first summer in the arctic?
Yeah.
Is it bad?
Liam's got the mumps.
Since he was sick last night,
Liam has not opened his eyes.
Hasn't woken at all?
No.
Sleep is a healing strategy that the body of a child employs.
Liam's body is tackling a heavy viral infection.
You know, even when a child is asleep,
They can be fully aware of what's going on around them.
So what liam needs from us is calm,
Someone with him at all times.
Probably best if it's his mother.
Are you and frank planning on having any more children?
Are we what?
Has his dad had the mumps?
Uh...
He hasn't told me one way or the other.
Well, ask him.
Tell him to give me a call at the surgery if he hasn't.
This could be a trunk.
And that's a tusk.
So it has to be a mammoth.
I think it's a prehistoric mammoth,
Thawed out of the permafrost.
I think we need to get out of here
Before any bears show up.
We could both use this, jason.
When that mine shuts, I have nothing, jase.
Nothing lined up.
Nothing saved.
Nothing.
Carrie's ten now.
She needs things.
We could try and sell this to the research center
As a scientific specimen.
Split it 50/50.
What do you think?
Let's get it on the truck.
Very impressive, hildur.
And now look.
See?
They've wired it up
With teeny weeny light bulbs.
It really comes to life, doesn't it?
It's time you and henry
Sorted out your differences, dan.
By taking him his exile letter?
Well, he can't die here.
That's the law.
Look, he's old, he's lonely,
He's dying.
You're his friend, so fix it.
Margaret.
Liam sutter.
Ten years old.
Hildur:
What about him?
Margaret:
He's got the mumps.
99% sure mumps.
But...
Hildur:
But what?
Margaret:
It just might be something else.
Yes?
Why are you telling us this?
Because his dad was in afghanistan,
And childhood poliomyelitis is rife out there.
Incubation period up to 37 weeks,
So it is possible
We are just seeing it now in liam.
Polio?
It's a quarantine issue.
You up for that, governor?
Seal off the town?
It will be your responsibility.
Well, wouldn't we just isolate the sutter child
And quarantine the family?
If he's been carrying polio for the past 37 weeks,
I think it's way, way, way, way, way too late for that.
I'll run some tests.
Polio?
I know.
♪
(giggling)
You're so gorgeous.
So.
You're search and rescue?
Mm-hmm.
What do you do when you find out there's women?
Do you swoop down and save them?
(chuckling)
Yeah, something like that.
Maybe they're gonna need someone to save you from me.
You think?
Mm-hmm.
You know, in this place Things can come at you from nowhere.
Things?
What kinds of things?
Monsters.
Monsters.
Mm-hmm.
You won't see them, you won't hear them.
Until they have you in their teeth.
You know?
And then they're gone.
Into the darkness before you know it.
Hi.
You're vincent rattrey.
Natalie yelburton.
So...
You're the guy that thinks pfas could be responsible
For these reindeer abnormalities I've been finding.
You saw my paper?
Skimmed it.
So what's this experiment here for?
This?
Oh, this is dinner.
Where did you get this?
Out of its mouth.
Its mouth?
I found a carcass.
Thawed out of the ground.
You know, wiry, matted ginger hair, a trunk.
Has somebody put you up to this?
No.
There's an entire carcass?
I mean, its value to science is just incalculable.
What's your name, please?
Jason.
So... 
Put a precise number on incalculable for me, professor.
How do you mean?
What's it worth?
It's priceless.
No, I mean what's it worth to you?
How much will the research center give me for it?
No, you...
No, you listen to me.
The law about finds of this nature
Is perfectly clear.
Okay...
Hey!
Hey!
Hey, I know you!
Your name's jason!
Jason!
Dan:
Are you still employed at the hotel?
Elena:
Yes.
Dan:
Has anyone in fortitude
Spoken to you about the incident
Or given you reason to believe
They may have learned about the incident?
Elena:
No.
Dan:
I'm required to ask you if you feel safe in fortitude.
Elena:
Yes.
Dan:
I'm required to ask you
If you have any plans to leave fortitude.
No.
Because you know if you do, you must tell us.
Otherwise, you would be
In serious breach of your license
And liable to recall.
Mm-hmm.
Are you seeing anybody?
(laughs)
Is that an official question?
Officially...
It would be none of anybody's business.
Thank you.
Hildur:
I don't like you going up there without telling me.
All I was doing was going up to the cabin
To fix the storm shutters.
Listen, you stood in a bear trap, for goodness sakes.
You could have lost your leg.
Okay, look, I'm sorry, hildy.
I'm sorry.
So how's everything coming along?
How's your speech?
Do you need any good jokes for it?
The ice drill's en route.
Really?
Left oslo this morning,
So it arrives on Wednesday.
All happening.
Storm shutters.
What?
You're lying to me, eric.
We live in the one place on earth
Guaranteed a quiet life.
The honeymoon was a night of thrills and...
Thrills and magic, thrills and magic.
Eric took me up onto the glacier in a tent,
And now we are building a hideaway in the ice,
A hotel hewn into the glacier itself,
Where lovers of the wilderness, lovers of the northern lights,
Or just lovers...
Or just lovers.
Good morning.
How you doing?
Fortitude police.
Now, I see you're not carrying any hunting rifles
For protection from the polar bears.
I understand.
I understand, sir, where you're coming from...
Good.
But the waiting period for firearms
Put that precaution out of our reach.
So that is that.
I beg your pardon?
That is that.
See, we're only traveling inland.
No bears.
No bears inland.
No bears inland.
What my friend means is since, as we all know,
Polar bears are coastal predators
And we're not traveling along the coast,
Then the recommended precautions were not applicable
In our time scale.
How are you?
I'm good.
What's he doing?
He's norwegian.
Ah.
Look at this.
A polar bear will be eating you before you are dead.
Once he has a hold of you, he is eating you.
This is all the bear left of billy pettigrew
Once he was done with eating him.
So you need to go back into town
And equip yourselves properly before you continue.
Oh, fuck this.
Fuck this?
Fuck this!
And fuck him.
Hey!
We have a gun!
This would not stop me, never mind a bear.
So you will walk back down the glacier into town.
You will keep my rifle for protection.
When you get back, you will bring my rifle to me
And I will return your handgun.
Is that the cop you told me about?
No.
I put that one in the hospital.
Do you mind if I make more steam?
No.
(sighs)
That's me.
Ah!
Pints?
For concussion.
Are you taking wine to the professor's?
Yep.
Who's that?
It's the sheriff.
Is he a good sheriff or a bad sheriff?
Well, no one knows.
Why not?
In fortitude,
There's two fundamental rules.
You have to have a roof over your head
And you have to be able to provide for yourself,
So it follows everyone's got a job,
No one is poor,
So there's no stealing and there's no crime.
Everybody's always happy.
Vincent:
Then there's nothing for him to do, then?
Whether he's a good sheriff or a bad sheriff.
Henry?
Drinking yourself to death?
Join me.
Do you want me to throw this lot out?
No, leave them.
Are we gonna talk, henry?
"billy pettigrew was a geologist," it says.
Yes.
"he was looking for something up on the glacier."
That's right.
No wife and no kids.
Just like you and me, dan.
Yes.
And no mention anywhere at all of the bullet that killed him.
Nobody found a bullet.
That was down to you.
The state he was in, they weren't looking for a bullet.
If I don't keep myself topped up,
I shake like a fucking leaf.
I was stone cold sober that morning.
It was a mercy you shot him.
A mercy I shot him.
Meant to hit the bear, but I shot him.
Bang.
Then the car door slams, and I think,
"no engine, no siren?"
The car door slams, and there you are.
You were there.
Weren't you?
The governor is advised that your prognosis
Is now final stage palliative care.
You can go back to the mainland, henry.
Tell me.
You can die in peace in a hospice,
Being cared for.
Not by yourself in this hovel.
Forget what happened.
He was as good as dead.
Tell me!
I can't tell you.
Why don't you trust me?
If frank hadn't shown up,
Another couple of hours, I'd have gnawed it off.
How long till you can walk?
(lighter flicking)
I can walk now.
Means I don't have to sit through
Poor hildur's presentation.
(laughs)
Do you know a bloke called jason?
Coal miner.
Yeah, I know him, why?
We had a fight.
A fight?
Well, more of a scuffle.
He showed me a bit of something that he'd found.
What?
Animal remains.
What kind of animal?
Can I just say
If he did find it on this island...
You don't want to look like a gullible arsehole.
Can you arrest him?
Find out if he's telling the truth.
Because if he is, this thing needs protecting.
I'll tell you what:
When I get back, I'll pay him a visit, all right?
Ronnie:
So what do we do next?
Jason:
We let him stew for a while, mull it over.
I'll go and see him again
And tell him he's got 24 hours to make an offer.
Or the carcass gets torched.
I'll go this time.
Fuck with him.
No, you won't, ronnie.
This thing needs calm and fucking diplomacy.
I mean, look at you.
Liam hasn't opened his eyes.
He isn't responding to my voice or his dad's.
I think...
I think we need to get him out of here.
I think he's...
I want him in a proper hospital where they know what to do.
I think he's much sicker than that woman...
Hey, hey, it's okay.
I think he's much sicker than that woman says.
She's...
I don't trust her, that dr. 
Allerdyce, she's...
Jules, listen to me.
If liam is not better by tomorrow morning,
I will have him airlifted.
Airlifted?
If there's no improvement in liam's condition
By tomorrow morning,
I will requisition a flight to the mainland.
Really?
Yes, of course.
(relieved laugh)
Good.
Now, I have to go.
Have you met elena?
Elena?
Hi.
You must be jules.
Yeah, that's right, jules sutter.
You're married to the search and rescue guy?
The new guy.
You know frank?
Well, I know who he is.
Stoddart:
How much does an ice drill cost?
Hildur:
We'll recover the capital outlay soon enough, charlie.
You're putting all your eggs in one little basket.
I have no choice.
You know that.
The mines are mined out.
There's no future apart from tourism, is there?
Tourists.
That's all the glacier really means to you, isn't it?
It means businesses staying in business, charlie.
Shops, bars, hotels,
Restaurants, hire firms, camping equipment...
You won't win this argument
By resorting to emotional blackmail.
There isn't any argument!
Where the hell is this coming from all of a sudden?
You have reassured me at every stage of planning
That it is a foregone conclusion that your report
Will permit the development of the glacier hotel project.
I gave you no...
I have committed funds...
I gave you no cast-iron assurances.
Public finances...
Hildur.
You promised me, charlie!
So...
Will the report give final approval
For the glacier hotel project or not?
What if something was found up there,
And we had to protect it?
What?
Something.
That came out of the ice.
What something?
Charlie?
♪
(dog barking)
(whimpering and barking)
Hey.
(sighs)
I spoke to dan anderssen.
You spoke to dan?
You spoke to dan, what about?
He said if there's no improvement in liam
By the morning, he's going to have him flown out
To the mainland.
You spoke to...
Why?
Why would you do that?
Why would you go behind my back?
It's mumps, for christ's sake!
(angrily):
What if it's not?
You can watch him!
Where are you going?
Jules!
(car driving away)
Wow.
(gasps)
You've never seen that before?
No.
I thought you studied polar bears.
Well, apex predators.
Not polar bears.
Oh, okay.
Grizzlies?
No.
Vincent, your paper was on bio magnification
Of perfluoroalkyls in apex predators.
Yeah, in the uk.
In the uk?
(laughing)
Badgers?
Yes, badgers.
A badger can give you a pretty nasty bite, actually.
(laughing)
(banging)
(lights faintly humming)
(faint music from bar)
(rock music playing)
(screaming)
(moaning)
(heavy rock music continues)
♪
♪
(screaming)
(music stops, audience cheering)
(wind blowing)
(breathing heavily)
(door closes)
Jules:
Hi!
Liam?
You're awake.
Are you feeling better?
Frank?
Frank, come here, he's all better!
(relieved laughter)
My little soldier.
The swelling's gone down completely.
Oh, yeah.
I'm hungry.
(laughs)
He's hungry.
♪
Jules:
All the time, I'm afraid to speak
In case I annoy you.
I spend my life trying to think
What it is you want,
And I'm afraid I get it wrong.
(loud screaming)
Liam, what's the matter?
Are you all right?
Liam, what is it?
What is it, son?
My feet are burning!
(screaming)
Sweetie, it's all right, calm down.
Get the car keys!
(screaming)
Jules, get the car keys!
Charlie stoddart said something's been found.
He's not going to give us the go-ahead.
What's he talking about?
What's been found?
He didn't say.
Man:
Governor?
He didn't tell me.
(sighs)
(crowd chatting)
Third- and fourth-degree frostbite.
We'll have to wait a few weeks.
Wait for what?
To see if debridement is necessary.
Amputation, perhaps.
It's beyond me how you could let this happen to a little boy.
Jules:
What have you done?
What?
You're lying to me.
Jules, I'm not lying.
You left him on his own, you must've done.
He must've gone looking for you.
He must've gone outside because you weren't there.
Please, jules, not now.
"please"?
"please" what?
What have you done?
Where did you go?
(wind whistling)
(doorbell ringing)
Hello?
Professor stoddart?
Hello?
Professor stoddart?
(panicked):
Hello?
(knocking)
Hello?
(loud shattering)
(angry barking)
(gunshots)
Stay down there.
Face down.
Face down!
I just got here...
Cross your hands behind your back.
Please, I just found him there.
I didn't...
Kneel down.
Stay there.
Dan:
We have a very serious problem here.
I don't think this is a bear attack.
Man:
What were you doing earlier this evening?
You were doing something you shouldn't have... (gasps)
Something happened to liam.
It's much worse than that.
Hildur:
I've told dci morton
That we will extend him every consideration.
Get out of here.
Natalie should've been there too!

Application to return to Earth
Attn; 
Sand-Sand Burger Inc.
Space Route 246666, aka 'The Galaxy Turnpike"
runs from the region of the solar system between the 5th and 6th planets where the space colony 'Uzu-Shio" lies to form the original trunk road linking that to the 3rd planet, Earth
There are shuttle stops along the way along with several restaurants to serve the travelers but they are rarely ever busy
After 150 years of operation, the route's advanced dilapidation suggests to me that Highway 246666, aka "Galaxy Turnpike"
barely merits continued existence
I recommend its immediate closure
Sorry I'm late
Could you manage?
Can't hear over the fryer
Forget it
There's nothing to worry about
You know today's a special day?
Once every 200 years, the Orga cluster and the Veronica meteors align precisely with your planets, Venus  Jupiter
It's a very special day indeed
We nicknamed it "S.E.S."
short for "Super Erotica Straight"
On this day, all creatures great and small feel Eros burning in their hearts
We can't know the reason but I assume some magnificent force is at work
Even I can feel it
You can, too?
I'm horny as hell
Is that right?
Shall we order something?
The Cosmo Set Lunch will be 633 Cosmic Yen
Exact change, thank you very much
Next customer in line
Welcome
A tuna burger by itself.
How about a drink to go with it?
Certainly
Let me confirm your order
One moment, please
Get him to leave
Why'?
I don't like them
Don't be mean, he's a customer
Wherever they sit they leave the seats soaking wet
It just needs wiping
Kurorons are kind and intelligent.
They're great singers, too
I know. 
They're really good
That's irrelevant. 
I don't want them on our seats
- If he stands...
- Stop it
A tarpaulin at least
Please don't be upset
So, whats the matter now?
Can you hear me?
I wrote that letter
It was time I took action
That's a decisive move
Should've done it before. 
If they accept, it's back to Earth for me
What happens to the restaurant?
Corporate will decide. 
It's not my problem
Did you tell the wife?
What's the matter?
Don't tell me...
That thing I mentioned the other day
My suspicions were right
Meaning...
I'm convinced now...
Noe's seeing some guy
What twigged you?
She has a new necklace, right here
Oh' deary me...
Was out "shopping" today for ages.
Meeting him, for sure
It does sound fishy...
I admit, it's partly my fault
You mus m 'I blame yourself
But I need time to myself, too
I understand
That's who you are
Enjoy your meal
Welcome
Let's sit there
Lei-chan...
Ms. Hana...
Sorry, could you handle this please?
Thank you
So, what do we get?
You promised not to spend much
Let's share a small fries
At least a coffee too. 
I'll go
Such coincidences actually happen, huh?
(Test fa vie... that's life
In the vastness of space, she has to turn up here of all places...
The universe is full of mystery
I wonder if she's married'?
Her partner is an Assinus judging by his pointy ears
I wonder how my husband will take it?
- What's up'?
- There's a dispute going on
Once again, please
For chrissakes...
I want a double-cheese SunSun Burger and a cheese SunSun Burger
Should I add the single cheese order to the double-cheese set lunch or the double-cheese order to the single cheese set lunch?
Or are they the same price?
So you want double-cheese and single-cheese set lunches?
For the hundredth time, no!
That'd mean two drinks, right?
I don't want that, don't you see?
- Mr. Manager 
- What's wrong?
A problem customer
Sorry about this
Step aside
I'll handle this
Not that I mind
I've got nothing against her
I'm sure the same is true for her
That was just people spreading rumors
We participants didn't care so much
Let people say what they will
So, do you think I should say hi?
That's for you to decide
But supposing I make myself known... then she'll obviously want to see my husband
What's the worry?
Don't get me wrong, I'm fine
I'm not worried. 
They won't restart anything
I know him so well. 
He's not that type
Are you sure?
Maybe I'll just mention it in passing
It's just that... it's not vital that they see each other
You already have your answer within
Am I a bad person?
Listen carefully
Adding the single-cheese to the double set is the cheaper way to go
You just had to tell him that
- But...
- No "but" about it
Why does adding a single-cheese to it mean that the price works out differently?
Don't worry about logic
Adding the double-cheese to one order is the same as adding a single-cheese...
Shut up!
Sorry, it's a power outage.
A moment please, before it's restored
What's up now?
Sorry for the trouble, everyone
Noa?
Lei-chan?
What're you doing here'?
I'd ask you the same
I run this place
Is that right?
What a surprise
Come here
My husband, Baba Sahib.
He's an Assinus, as you see
It's the boy I mentioned.
From the theater group
I'm Baba Sahib
Nice to meet you
My wife has told me much about you
Is that right?
Let's take a seat
We get Assinii here sometimes
Really?
But that was the first time I got that greeting
What'?
What you just did
That wasn't a greeting
We Assinii don't do things like that
Do we?
How long have you been here?
It's been 3 years
I'm so glad your dreams came true
He always loved hamburgers
I'll try the fries
Help yourself
You should've ordered much more
We already ate
Don't play with your food
Been back to Earth?
Not since we opened this place
We're on our way there now
Is that right?
Waiting for the shuttle
Hey, look who's here
Come...
It's been ages!
Long time, no see
Noe, the wife thing really suits you
My husband...
Noa's wife
Nice to meet you
How lovely to bump into you both like this
Do you think it's fate?
What do you recommend?
I'd say the Cosmo Burger.
You can't get it on Earth
Not today
I wish you would. 
Get two for them
Noa, it's too much
Don't worry. 
They don't cost much
We'd be delighted
Make it quick
Sure
I understand your concerns
I too felt the same way at first
But life demands you make the leap
Like the proverbial omelette and the breaking of eggs
I do understand
Let me ask you...
What are you most worried about?
A disease, I guess
Listen, sir
The world is full of potential pathogens
Step foot outside and you're surrounded by the cold virus
Yet you still venture out
You go to work, you take a walk...
Living in fear means you achieve nothing
This is the same thing
If my wife found out...
No way she can, unless you tell her
Even so...
I'll have to bear the guilt my entire life
You know that old adage about a man's pleasure?
It ranks male enjoyment according to the choice of sexual partner...
Best is to sleep with another man's wife
Second is to claim a social inferior
Third's a lover, fourth is a pro
Last of all is a wife
One's own wife ranks last
Ever had sex outside the marriage'?
No, oi course rm
This is all about helping you
At this rate you'll die without knowing a true sense of pleasure
Is that a fun way to live?
If you miss this opportunity you'll regret it for the rest of your life
You understand that?
Mr. Baba Sahib, what work do you do?
I was a Professor of Space Studies.
Note the past tense...
Got fired after a problem with a student
I meddled with a female pupil
Silly man
"A choice I deeply regret"
I had no choice but to get Dad to hire him
I'm hoping to do office work
Hence the trip to Earth?
It'll be my first time
I look forward to the challenges ahead
Excuse me
Hello there
The usual?
Get a milk for Mr. Danny
Thanks for the help
I understand
Welcome to the restaurant
Let's sit there
Burgers? 
Haven't had one in ages
Chief, what'll you have'?
We've no time. 
Just a coffee
I'll get it
My treat, since I asked to see you
I accept, thank you
Excuse me
Two coffees
Two hot coffees
ls your father well?
He's certainly aged
Does he still fish?
Remember that time we went together?
Guys...
Yes?
Shall I leave you alone?
Of course not
It's fine
It'll be easier to talk without me
You're being oversensitive
I'll thin my presence
Don't worry
I feel bad
Just let him be
We did go fishing, right
Chilled to the bone to catch just a couple of fish
It's very distracting
Hello
Mr. Mendes?
I couldn't help it
I'm in a difficult position
I know you are
You promised not to come
Just 5 minutes
Listen...
My dear...
My dear...
Ms. Hana?
- Were you smoking?
- I was not
- You were 
- I was not
Excuse me, my dear
Can you handle this?
Two Cosmo Burger sen
Get rid of the butts. 
We'll be in big trouble if my husband sees them
Over here
it's presently 1pm, Uzu-Shio time
I'm half-way along the route-at the Cosmo Branch of Sand-Sand Burger 01181017791298T9 SPETSQ
In a corner, one Kuroron sits alone
What's on your mind'?
Over by the register 2 men in security guard uniforms are loafing about
Nearer me, a Gennus and a human are locked in serious discussion
Lastly there are two humans and an Assinus
One of the humans runs the restaurant
Has he nothing better to do?
Even though the Earth shuttle leaves in an hour this static tableau amply illustrates that the Galaxy Turnpike has outlived that the Galaxy Turnpike has outlived its usefulness
The huge annual maintenance fee alone is...
I don't like this
Let me know the truth
Is this the end for us'?
- An awful ending 
- Stop right there
You make it sound like we're involved
We didn't even start anything
I always said you were hoping in vain
Right from the start
My dear, let's be honest
- I always am 
- You put on a brave face
- I do not 
- Your words fail to move me
It's not my problem
My dear... are we really through?
Didn't even start, for chrissakes!
My dear, I bring a new proposal for the design
This one's sure to meet your approval
I'll be fine without
I said I don't need it
What about the restaurant renovation?
I've decided to hire someone else
In that case...
I lose you and the job?
Both in one cruel blow?
It's not my fault
How on earth can I bear that?
You're in the wrong here
How could you?
My dear...
What's the new proposal?
M We momma... your current floor is Terrazzo
which is showing its age
So for example... how about using Umbria floor tiles?
Umbria'?
Umbria tiles...for the natural ambience of their earth tones...
Another option... is to re-do the entire surface
with a herringbone wood floor
Herringbone?
It will create a top quality feel
That's lovely
What's more... your old stucco walls are dirty...
We could decorate in natural colors over natural wood texturing
Natural wood'?
A wood veneer showing off the texture of natural grain
in all its plain, organic warmth
- What are you doing?
-It's okay
- What's okay'?
- Don't worry
- I'll scream 
- No need for alarm
Just relax, okay
It'll be fine
Don't worry
No need to worry
I'm leaving the squad this month
This is news to me
I didn't tell anyone yet
Why, all of a sudden?
My time is up
Your time?
I must return to X538, my galaxy
What's this about'?
I was here on a mission
A mission?
Please don't be shocked
I'm not from Earth
lam Captain Socks
Are you feeling alright?
The rule is that we leave without telling anyone but I felt I should tell you, Chief
I just don't get it
Captain Socks?
- You?
- Yes
You transform into him?
That's correct
Don't believe it
Do I look like I'm lying'?
But why?
To maintain universal peace
Chief...
Thank you for everything
But kid...
A burger joint's hardly the place for this
You're so busy, it was hard to get you alone
Damn...
It's natural to be shocked
I'm suddenly starving
Let me go get something
Excuse ma...
Excuse me?
I'm busy
I ordered coffees earlier...
Can I add a burger and fries to make it a Sun-Sun Burger Set?
What'?
I'd like to add a burger and fries to my coffee and order as a set meal
What's wrong?
Stop it
I won't hurt you
Wait a minute, okay...
Stop fooling around
Wait...
Think about it...
Where was I when Captain Socks fought those mutants?
I always make myself scarce, eh?
- That's true 
- See?
I really am Captain Socks
However...
If you still don't believe me...
Come with me
It's this way
Please take your time choosing
Liesel is a nice girl. 
A wonderful talker
She's out of the question
Louisa has a sad story
She's been through a lot in life
Brigitta's an acquired taste
That smell...of a stray dog come in out of the rain
Let's make a decision, shall we'?
You're allowed two changes anyway
She's almost right
I'll choose this one
Very discerning, sir
For technique, lima's one of the best in the universe
I'm sure you'll be satisfied
Which planet is she from?
Venus
A Venusian...
Be assured, to the eye she's entirely human
She's not half-catfish below-the-waist or anything
You know our billing system?
Pay me 20,000 now and the rest to the girl 60,000 in total, right'?
20,000 is a one-time membership fee lima is extremely popular
A last-minute cancelation means she's free
You're a lucky man
I just hope she's disease-free
You are a worrier
With alien planets, you're never sure
They have regular check-ups
I'll call her now. 
She'll be here in 5 mins
She'll wear a red flower as a sign
Thank you for everything
Enjoy!
Let's go
Please
Me, too?
But...
I'll transform for you
You're stripping?
Otherwise they tear
Close the door
You're even taking that off?
I've got to be totally naked
Look closely
I just get bigger and bigger
Morphing!
The Suzunari Theater
When I lived back on Earth
I worked back-stage at a small theater
Eventually! 
ended up marrying the sister of a cast member
Initially, I dated the lop-billed actress
That was Lei-char:
She was a superb performer and a lovely person, loo
Bright and smart, she was the perfect woman for me
Until I discovered a most disconcerting thing...
She ate hamburgers in an absolutely repulsive way
Pd adored hamburgers since I was a kid so that was a nightmare
Ye! 
here was a girl eating so deliciously in a way I'd never imagined...
So I left Lei-chan and began dating my wife
I see. 
Lime things mean a lot.
I gel that...
So?
What's troubling you?
You wouldn't be here otherwise
It's not that I want Lei-chan back.
Far from it...
I just thought...
Thought what?
She doesn't seem very happy
What's with that husband?
I can't believe she fell for that nerdy jerk
Was it out of desperation?
She couldn't forget about you
Of course I never told her I'd left because of her burger technique...
So she still doesn't know the reason my feelings cooled
I feel so bad about that
You're in the wrong on this one
I understand, my dear
I'm sorry
It seems we should part
- Like I said...
- Wish you'd told me earlier
I've been telling you all along
I'll step aside
One thing... as a final memory
just once...
- Please don't 
- I don't ask for a kiss
The Angueles way... of saying farewell
- No 
- Don't worry
It'll be fine
Be still
It's done
We'll never meet again
Excuse me
Thanks
Did you just see a mime'?
Holding a red balloon'?
I know it sounds absurd but he was here
Do you mean this'?
Not the Sand-Sand character
A mime like in a circus
I'm sorry but we've no mimes here
But I saw one
That's off-limits to customers
I'll call if I see one
What's up?
Sorry, I had a headache so I took a nap
In that case, relax
I'm okay now
Lei-chan hadn't changed at all
Really? 
I thought she'd aged
That makes two of you
Listen
Don't worry on my account, okay?
I feel nothing for her any more.
There are no lingering emotions
That claim itself sounds fishy
Are we going back to Earth?
Why do You ask'?
You just mailed an application to return, right'?
Even if it's accepted it'll be ages yet
Don't concern yourself with it
But if Captain Socks leaves what will happen to KBC Security?
It'll be fine
Socks was always getting us out of a fix
Next week another superhero will replace me
Are you sure'?
That's the way it works
But Chief...
I need you to know something else
There's more'?
About crew member Manmo
Manmo'?
Did you know we're dating?
- You are?
- You didn't know?
-It's the first I heard 
- The whole crew knows
In any case... she'll be here soon
Ms. Manmo will?
Unfortunately...
I have to say goodbye to her, too
- She knows your real identity?
- I'm about to reveal it
That'll be a surprise
No matter how she may beg,
I must take my leave
She'll beg me to take her with but I cannot
Chief
Could you please look after her for me?
Got it
Be her rock, if you can
I'd better go now
I'm in the middle of my patrol
Sorry for bothering you
You've got a few days left?
I plan to leave this weekend
Let's grab a drink before then
Definitely
Later, then
No need to follow
I'm Mum
Mr. Zett introduced us
Mr. Mum?
That's right
Your name is'?
Maybe I'll grab a bite
Please, order what you like
"ma... lima, that's right
I want to eat nuggets
Just nuggets?
Just nuggets. 80 boxes
For my kid brother. 
He loves 'em
-80 boxes?
-80 boxes
Eight-zero...
Eighty...
"boxes
I'll go get them
I appreciate it
Excuse me
Keep quiet
Stop, I won't hurt you
I want to ask you something
Thank you for waiting
It took ages!
I'm sorry lshould apologize
The Cosmo Set comprises a burger created with a 100% Cosmo Beef patty
Hang on...
Are you alright?
Can't you wait?
It came on quick
- Shall I call a doctor'?
- He's fine
But...
He's early this month...
Don't upset the other customers
What on earth's going on?
He sheds his skin every month
His skin?
I'm used to it but it's gross. 
Best not to look
Sorry but do you have a blanket?
Who's going to eat these?
80 boxes of nuggets...
How many damn nuggets is this?
80 times 5 is 400. 
Who eats that many'?
Whoops...
Sorry I'm late. 
I was filing receipts
Thanks for taking the time
It's fine. 
I need to talk anyway
But I'll tell you later. 
Go ahead
What's up?
Want something?
Whose is this?
The chief was just here
He was?
I'll get a fresh one
Don't bother, this'll do.
So?
You can speak first
- I don't want to 
- I should go last
I think mine is best last
Mine is pretty serious
So is mine, actually
- Mine's probably more so 
- No, mine is
I really think mine's more serious
Okay, I'll go first then
What's up?
Let's split up
Sorry but I want to end it
Wait a minute
I told you it was serious.
That's why I wanted to go last
You really mean this?
It's so out of the blue
You wouldn't propose to me
Propose?
You wouldn't meet my parents.
I'm nearly 30, you know...
I just can't wait. 
Sorry
- But even so...
- That's all I have to say
- What's up with you?
- Forget it...
But...what the hell went wrong?
We're really breaking up? 
How could you?
My mind's already made up
Of course I want to propose to you
But there are circumstances...
It's okay, I don't blame you
I just figured you wrong
I thought you were the domestic type.
It was my mistake...
Alright then, in that case
I'll tell you everything
Go ahead
Don't be shocked
In truth... lam not from this Earth
Captain Socks is who I am
I'm sorry I kept quiet. 
We're forbidden from revealing ourselves
But you, I had to tell...
Hello?
I just told him now
Can you make it here?
That'd be best. 
I'll wait...
Who's coming?
Someone confessed their love and proposed
You dilly-dallied...so I accepted
- Hang on...
- That's the way it is
I'm getting married next month
Ms. Hana
What would you do if we closed down'?
Will it close down'?
We don't know yet
Let me know. 
I'd have to find work
Didn't I say...
Just holding it in my mouth...
My husband wants to return to Earth
If you can't make it in Space, no point trying elsewhere
Not that it was always like this
How do you know?
The Galaxy Turnpike was bustling and every restaurant was packed
before the opening of the Space Expressway
I'm just lighting it
But that was over 100 years ago
How old are you?
I've been working part-time for 80 years
Is that right?
That actually cost 15,440 Cosmo yen
Not that I mind but...
There's one thing I'd like to establish
What, I wonder?
Are you free of disease?
Disease?
He told me you're safe because of the check-ups...
But in-between check-ups... you probably have a number of clients...
I know that worry can be paralyzing... but for me to be with a non-Earthling... it's kind of a first time thing... and I can't be sure what diseases you may have acquired
When was your last check-up?
This is very rude
I'm sorry to make things awkward
My last check-up was yesterday
Yesterday?
But you're my 3rd client of the day
What do want to do?
Want to give up?
Your skin's so soft...
I can't fry an egg without breaking it
Forget what I said
Are you a chef?
I look forward to being your client
Thanks. 
I'll get the rest when we're done
The rest'?
But...
- Nobody told me that...
- Are you kidding?
What's the total, then?
Depends on the course
Meaning what'?
There's an A, B  C course
Can you explain them'?
A is to enjoy by watching
B is to enjoy by touching
The C course is to go all the way or do I say "come"...
How much to come all the way?
200,000
Two-hundred-thousand
More than the flight from Earth?
Plus the 60,000 to total 260,000
No, it's out of the question.
I'll be stranded without airfare
Hold on a minute
This supposed "Professor"...
where did you meet him?
He came to see my play
Why are you with him'?
Student-seducing jerk
He's so true to himself
I apologize
What'?
It's my fault
I don't understand
It's all my fault
I know I've no right to... but I just feel sorry for you
I'm not sorry at all
Sure you are
Don't imagine how I feel
I wanted you to be happier... to find a better man than me...
to live a better life...
But I am happy
Let's not do this
Do what'? 
I'm really happy
That's a brave face
Do I smack you?
I know how you feel
You were devastated
What'?
I'm so sorry I ended it like that
But get over it and make a new start
Are you totally stupid?
To presume your ex can't live without you...
At best, it's a male fantasy
At worst, you're simply delusional
I admit that to us he appears strange and needy but the fact is, I love him
I cannot believe that
What do you know about him'?
When I'm old and frail and face the end, somewhere in this universe... it'll be him that I'm thinking of
and not you, sorry to say
I wish I could give you a hug
Bu! 
I don't exist below the neck, okay?
At last I've got hold of you
How's it going, sir'? 
Are we having fun?
H's not what we discussed at aH
Isn't she good enough?
Good enough? 
She's fantastic!
I told you
But what's this about 260,000?
260,000?
That must be the C course
Don't tell me that's what you want?
Of course I do!
You think I came all the way from Earth just to watch?
My misunderstanding, I'm sorry
With your hygiene concerns, I assumed A or B at most
What shall we do?
Well, I'm not paying that much
Really? 
Then you must make do with A or B, I guess
I wan 'I pay a penny just to watch.
Do something]
Would you like to cancel?
The one-time fee still applies
No way!
Put yourself in my shoes
My fuse is already lit
It can't be helped...
Unless you talk directly to Hma
She's a reasonable girl
Call me if there's anything else
I'll do what I can
That took too long
Men are such sad creatures
Shall we then'?
Mm "ma...
Do you take American Express?
Can I ask you to reconsider?
It's too late now
Weren't we in love?
But...
Chief...
What's up?
Sit by me
Sure
How did it go?
I think he understood
Damn it...
This is just the way it is
Couldn't be helped...
But how come?
Sorry I didn't tell you
We're getting married
No way...
She met my daughter, too
I know I'll be a great mom
Told her your news?
Yes...
I was so surprised...
This guy is Captain Socks...
He is?
I guess she wasn't listening
He returns to his home planet soon
Oh, we'll miss him
Wait a second
It's not 100% decided
I'll stay if you tell me to
I don't think I mind
Don't say that
Good luck with everything
Good luck
Ms. Manmo, consider me
Should I step aside?
There's no need
Chief, shall we go?
Okay, then
Sorry about this
See you
What shall we do?
- Korean BBQ?
- Great idea!
- Bowling later?
- If you like
Excuse me, do you have a minute?
Sure
Please, take a seat
You too, over there
I'm Hashimoto from the Ministry of Space Transport
You're the manager here?
Yes
I have something to discuss
Keep quiet
Sorry about that
Down, boy. 
Sit
I've experienced several strange things since being here
You may think me odd but please bear with me okay
Firstly lam presently surrounded by small birds and a cute puppy runs under my feet
It may sound strange but I see them
This only occurred upon entering your establishment
What's more, they're familiar to me
They come from the cartoons of my childhood
Chicchi the bird and Sandy the puppy
They were inseparable friends
As a child I was enthralled by them
I was an only child and they were my only friends
There's also a mime
I see a mime holding a red balloon
He's sitting here right now
I remembered the instant I saw him
I once got lost in an amusement park
A mime with a red balloon reunited me with my mother
He is that same mime
Have I gone insane?
I wonder...
Why am I seeing them? 
Why are they here?
What's the message they have for me?
Beats me...
I think I have the answer, maybe
Boy, it feels good to have shed
Here
Do we throw it away?
Please do
Why did you come here?
- A survey 
- Of what?
Field survey of the Turnpike
I hear a rumor it might be closing
I heard it too. 
Is it true'?
I cannot address that question
Some kind of force is at work to stop it happening
What do you mean?
From deep within his past, beloved memories are retrieved and given substance to send him back to Earth with a favorable impression
It's a welcoming committee, so to speak
Welcoming committee?
Who'd arrange such a thing?
Whoever would be most affected by the closure
Most affected?
The Galaxy Turnpike itself
Over time, the Turnpike has evolved into a conscious being
It's not uncommon across the galaxy
They're a welcoming committee?
Would you agree with that?
Can you see him?
Yes
All along?
Yes
I wish you'd told me
We're used to unusual phenomena here
Ms. Hana
Get rid of this
Best not to peek
Hello Noe...
Sorry, we'll fix it soon
Noa's as idiosyncratic as ever
Did he say something strange?
He still talks nonsense sometimes
I'm sorry
But I'm impressed he made his dream come true
You mean this place?
He always said that burgers would be his life
It's not always plain-sailing
Naturally, being all the way out here...
There's also talk of the highway closing
Well, it's deserted
We don't know for sure, though...
Did he lose weight?
You think so?
He gains it back easily. 
Be careful
He should put on a bit more
I'm not sure...
Being together, you wouldn't notice
How long did you two date?
It was 3 years, right'?
I forget
We've been married 5 years
But it's not a question of time
Yes, it is
Yes, it is
How much can you afford, then?
This much...
I'll take the A course
Hey, this isn't enough
I can't even watch...
What the hell...
All right then
A special exception today
You seem nice so I'll cut you a huge deal
Are you sure'?
A, B or C, your choice
Really?
The C course
Deal
So, shall we begin'?
You mean here?
Are you mentally prepared?
Wait a second...
You're an Earthling, who knows what germs you have?
Don't tell me it's your first time?
Don't worry, I'll take the lead
Your finger
Concentrate
Cheerio
Wait
Are we finished?
Yes
That was it?
That's the way we do it
But...
What? 
You must've felt good, too
I do feel...a sense of fulfillment
What else did you hope for'?
A feeling of guilt?
No, not at all...
Take good care of your wife
Solong
Pull yourself together!
Can you try to walk?
Somebody, come help me!
Hold on! 
I'm a doctor
Out of the way. 
Leave him to me
Mr. Mendes?
A friend of yours?
Where was he?
In the electric room
He was fine earlier
Who the hell is he?
You know his name?
It's Mr. Mendes
Mr. Mendes, can you hear me?
He's conscious
But who is he'?
- Can't tell me?
- We'll talk later
How is he, Doctor?
No fever
Which planet is he from'?
I think he's from Angueles
I thought so
I reckon he's pregnant
Pregnant?
Angueleans are hermaphrodite
Gestation takes 30 minutes.
They're known for it 30 minutes'?
They tend to seek out a dark place to give birth
No wonder he was in there...
Water's broken. 
Baby's coming. 
Lay him down
I need a blanket and scissors
Help him, please
Take off his shoes
- Where's the baby'?
- Not out yet
Not yet'? 
My dear...dearest'?
That's you
I'm right here
My dear. you know... this baby is ours
What'?
Wait, don't be so stupid
It's true. 
We made it together
How come? 
Who fertilized who?
I did nothing
- What's the connection?
- There is none
He took it upon himself
He's having your baby!
Stop saying this nonsense
It's true...it's our baby
Let me explain
Angueleans can conceive by touching foreheads
Foreheads?
That's nice...beats fingertips
Does that ring a bell?
Looks like it does!
It felt like a farewell gesture
My forehead...
He's trying to say something
Mine and hers touched
- Shut up 
- How could you?
I've no relationship with him at all
One-sided conception is quite common in the universe
Angueleans are tremendously imaginative
Phantom pregnancy on a whole new level
It's a damn nuisance
It's the only way they can procreate
It's started
Take over for me
It is out yet?
He's suffering
Not my problem
Contractions closer. 
Won't be long
Rub his back
Are you going to be with him?
Don't be so stupid
What about the baby'?
- I don't know!
- It's your baby
Inhale slowly...and exhale
- Is it going to be all right?
- Dunno...
But, Doctor?
I'm a dentist
In any case...
Anyone can play this part
Something's coming out
You can do it
Doctor, please
I'll do my best
Hold his hand, please
Ouch...it's coming
Why don't you believe your wife?
How can I'?
Did you forget what it takes to live in Space?
Human common sense doesn't apply here
Inhale deep and exhale!
Oh wow...
What is it?
An egg...
I can see an egg
An egg?
It hurts!
Heck, it's really dry
What does that mean?
He's not naturally well-hydrated
That's correct
So it won't just slip out
Put me out of my misery
Can't you help him?
Got any seaweed?
- What's that?
- Kelp seaweed
Mom always said kelp's slipperiness helps a difficult birth
Kelp"
Get some kelp
We've got no kelp!
Can't it be something else?
She said that kelp's the best
Hey, it's your turn now
Me?
Any happy childhood memories of kelp?
Memories?
- Try to think back
Anything he remembers turns real
You can do that?
I don't control the process
Think happy kelp thoughts
Okay, I'll try...
Sweet memories of kelp...
There's no such thing!
You're useless!
Do you have kelp memories?
Any of you had fun with kelp?
I did
Memories of kelp?
I was swimming in the sea as a kid
I got lost and the kelp found me
As if they were talking to me
"Mom's over there, kid"
They guided me back
That's perfect
Will my memories work?
Don't worry. 
Just think back
- Here you are, Doctor 
- Lay it on the floor
Please use it all
Put me out of my misery
- Looking good -it's no use
It should be fine now
Here comes one
Two...
Three...
More coming...
Four...
Five...
Sm...
- How many?
- Six
Seven...
That makes eight!
Is that it?
Eight total
They're all yours
I'm quite moved
Look at these beautiful eggs
It's out there!
- Heck!
- You've got seven left
No, do something
It's not possible. 
Forget it
It's m)' 999
Look, it's getting further away
Hell)"
Pervert!
Further and further away...
It's too late
If only that superhero Captain Socks was here
Captain Socks! 
Come help us
- Captain Socks!
- Here, after all
Socks, save that egg!
We're counting on you!
Go, Captain Socks!
You can do it!
He's so cool!
Go, Captain!
What is it?
- Your socks are ok!
- Don't worry about them
He's kinda neurotic
Go, w!
Get the egg...
Gently, please
Grab it
Looking good...
Don't grab it too hard...you'll crush it...
Gently
It's a soft egg
Try again
Don't let it go!
You had it then
- Go after it!
- Go, Captain Socks
- What does he mean? 
No?
- You can't give up!
You're useless!
- Stop looking at us 
- Hey, go after it!
Don't give "P!
Come back!
Get my space suit
I'm going
Darling...
Your egg is my egg, too
Way to go, darling
Relax!
It's over there
He's going to use that?
He's getting ready
It's that way!
Forget the windows
What's he doing?
What is he trying to do?
We want that egg!
Get a move on!
We need the egg!
Get the e99. will you?
Go, w!
There's nothing to worry about.
You know today's a special day?
The Orga cluster and Veronica meteors align precisely with Venus  Jupiter
It's a special day indeed
We nicknamed it "S.E.S."
short for "Super Erotica Straight"
On this day, all creatures great and small feel Eros burning in their hearts
So it's no wonder you feel the way that you do
I deleted it
Happy now?
You're just going to hang out from now on?
Do I have to support you?
I'd sure appreciate it
They grow up incredibly fast
Full grown by tomorrow morning
Spitting image of daddy
Sorry they didn't look like you
Actually, I prefer it that way
I'll take good care of them
On your planet, do you all look the same?
Yes, we do
A galactic mystery
Sorry for all the bother
Come on kids, we take the stairs
By the way, I forgot to ask...
Who was he?
Where did you meet him?
He's a renovations contractor
Renovations?
I was planning something behind your back. 
Sorry
What renovations?
Why don't we spruce the place up'?
Replace the entire floor... for example, create a river here and have goldfish in it...
Behind the counter we can have a fountain
The ceiling can be all glass
SO WE can SEE Space
And maybe a small stage here...
How much do you think it'll cost?
It'll be fine if we get more customers
You're asking the impossible
We just need to begin something
Stop talking about returning to Earth
You finally got the restaurant you wanted
If you can't make it in Space, there's no point trying elsewhere
What's that?
This... is a Samba whistle
I take lessons. 
I did today
- Learning Samba'?
- Sure. 
Another thing is... if we have a stage here I could put on a dance
Customers might enjoy it
What do you think?
Nice idea
I only started 6 months ago
If you can't make it in Space, there's no point trying elsewhere
Let's stick it out a little longer
Although...
What's wrong?
I already mailed that request to the head office
Interstellar Mai! 
Service
What a nuisance...
Attn; 
Sand-Sand Burger Inc.
I don't believe this...
So, whats the matter now?
I don't think I'm suited for this job
That's for you to decide
I think I'd do better using my brain
You already have your answer within
Or marriage, maybe. 
Know anyone?
I wish I could hug you...
Bu! 
I don't exist below the neck, okay?
I wish I could give you a hug
I wish I could give you a hug
I'll stick by your side
To the end of the universe
Even where there's no air' nor gravity
Beyond the reach of light
I'll follow wherever you go
Til the end of the universe
Though our credit cards get zapped
By magnetic fields so fierce
Or should space junk shred your umbrella
In a rain of space debris
H! 
stick by your side
Ti! 
the end of the universe
H! 
stick by your side
Ti! 
the end of the universe
English Subtitles by Kennedy Taylor  Aya Futami

There's a common saying in poker...
Play the player, not the cards.
Read him, bluff him,
Make him doubt his strength.
The trick, Bobby,
Is knowing when the other guy is doing the same.
Otherwise, the only person you're bluffing, son...
Is yourself.
I call.
All right.
Had a feeling you were chasing a straight.
All right.
I love my mom, you know what?
Everybody loves your mom.
I loved her twice last night.
You are a motherfucker.
Fucking guys.
You know...
Why is it always me?
Talk to your sister lately?
Come on, let's get some hot coins.
Tired of this fuckin' same old shit,
Chasing straights.
Chasing straights, that sounds, uh...
That's a little different than your regular weekend, eh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wise guy.
All right, I call.
No, I'm out.
We need a fuckin' chess clock pretty soon.
Yeah, look who's complaining.
I gotta play with these guys every night.
Fuckin' slowpoke!
You're just pissed because this is the most action
You've seen in months.
See, Chips, this is what I'm talking about.
Game is twice as long 'cause of assholes like this.
Fuckin' wasting time!
You know, just 'cause I don't play the way your mouth moves
Doesn't make me an asshole, okay?
What the fuck does that mean?
Fast and stupid, fuck-face.
Fuck you, man.
Funny.
Here, I call.
I'm all in.
Call.
I got nines full of sevens.
I'm sorry, Bobby.
Oh...
Ho-ho, wow.
Un-fucking-real.
Ooh.
Okey-dokey!
Let's go, Bobby!
Fuckin' river.
Hey, Bobby.
Listen, you broke your face today, all right?
Happens to everybody.
No big deal.
Tomorrow's another night.
Okay.
Hey, come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
You're embarrassing.
No, I'm not.
You're a good kid.
I'll see ya tomorrow, yeah?
Yeah.
All right.
Say hi to your mother.
Are we playing poker or are we fuckin' around?
No, we're playing poker.
That's it.
Got any bets tonight?
Uh, I got Atlanta at +150.
Atlanta?
Have they even won a game this year?
Hey, fuck you, man!
They're due to win.
Why can't it be tonight?
Hey.
Can I get one of those scratch-and-win tickets, too?
The twenty dollar one?
Thanks.
So, $76.53.
Cash or credit?
Uh...
Yeah, I dunno, it's been finicky lately.
Can you try it again?
Yeah.
Let me just grab some...
The ones I want, okay?
So that's gonna be $34.69 with the ticket.
Do you still want that?
Sir?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I-I'll take it.
Hey, Kim.
Kim, you awake?
Can you get me my smokes?
Hear anything back yet?
No.
Bastards didn't even return my call.
They just don't know who you are yet.
Come on, babe.
Something's gonna come up.
Hey, you're too pretty.
I didn't do it, your honour.
I swear he was dead when I came home.
It hurts so much to know I'll never be able to hold him
In my arms again.
Come on, I can tell you're faking.
You're an asshole.
I'm just...
I'm just worried about you, that's all.
I don't need to be saved, Bobby.
You ever consider that?
No.
I really like you.
I do.
It's just...
I can't do serious right now.
How are the cards treating you?
You seemed to be on a winning streak last night.
It's all kicking my ass, actually.
I just gotta find the right game.
And we gotta get you some acting classes
So you don't have to fake it so much.
Robert, is that you?
Yeah, Mom, I'm home.
Hey, Mom.
How you feeling?
Did, uh, Nadine come yet?
You didn't come home last night.
Yeah, I-I went for a couple drinks with Ben.
You promised me...
When you moved into this house,
You promised me, Robert, you'd quit.
Mom...
I get one Cheque a month, and I count on that
To buy my food and pay my rent.
Mom, come on, what do you think I bought these beauties with?
You are just like your father!
Aah!
Mom...
Mom, I-I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I know you're trying, Robert.
I know, I know you're trying.
But you are in exactly the same place
You were a year ago, two years ago.
You know, you keep hanging around Chips and that
Shithole Scruples of his,
You're gonna end up just like your dad.
For better or for worse, Robert.
Don't worry, Mrs. Locke,
A little sleep and you'll be good as new.
I'll be right back.
Everything's fine.
How is she?
It's okay.
Barely.
I mean, that fall didn't help her any.
Bobby, her arthritis is getting worse,
And pretty soon she won't be able to walk at all.
There's only so much we can do on such a small budget.
Okay, I'll... 
I'll figure something out.
I just don't...
Look, I said I'll figure something out.
Okay.
Hey, Mom.
Nadine said you're doing a lot better.
What is it you want, Robert?
I, um...
I just need a little to tide me over.
Um, I was thinking, maybe you could, um...
How much?
Uh... 100?
Turn around.
All right, boys.
What have we got here?
Yeah!
Ship it, Bruno!
Ship what?
I got the fuckin' straight.
There is no straight, you clown!
Can't even read the board.
Pino, come on.
Kim, can I get a drink?
Let's go again.
Bobby, I think you should go home.
No, I'm just getting started.
Come on, I'll drive you home.
I'm off in a few minutes.
Get him a drink, Kim.
Chips, he's had enough.
I didn't ask you, I told you.
Give him another drink.
Right, Bobby?
Mmm-hmm.
The night is young.
And you're so beautiful.
Thank you!
Thank you.
All right, what have we got here?
To me, watch this.
Oh.
Ooh.
Uh-huh.
All right.
Thank you.
Drink up, boy, drink up.
I'm gonna raise.
Ah, fuck, I call.
Fuck you, Bobby.
I got a big hand, Pino.
It's okay, I like it when you drink.
I got a huge hand.
Yeah, I got a huge hand too.
Huge, huge.
You wanna see my huge hand?
Not when you put it that way!
Not where that hand has been!
Have a couple more drinks.
Yeah.
Robert!
I thought maybe we could have some breakfast together.
Can't, Mom.
I gotta go.
You know, that show you like's on
And we could eat in the living room.
Robert, about yesterday, I...
Yeah, I know things have been kinda rough for you lately.
Yeah, no shit.
But, uh, I've been keeping my ears open.
Perfect game and all that.
You know, Pino was running his mouth off
About this private game tomorrow.
High stakes.
Yeah? 
How big?
250 K.
250?
Bunch of oil and real estate guys.
They don't know shit about cards.
- Tomorrow?
- Yeah.
Ben, don't mess with me.
Yeah, tomorrow, tomorrow.
Are you kidding me?
This is the game!
I know!
This is it, this is it!
It's fucking crazy, right?
I know!
It's not Jim, it's Abby.
There's something wrong with Jim, he's coughing up blood and he's...
he's been having seizures and I don't know what to do!
Can you please...
Can you please come?
!
He won't let me take him to the hospital!
Abby. 
Abby.
Yeah?
Don't do anything until I get there.
Don't call anyone...don't do anything.
I'm coming.
Okay.
Wait, what are you doing?
Uh, tell Jim Prime I'm taking this to a specialist for more intensive examination.
Where's the other one?
Chuck took it to an examinist for further specialization.
Must be the cold.
Wait, what are you doing?
I'm taking it back to its rightful owner.
Wormhole. 
Such a weird word when you think about it.
Right now, he's experiencing what can only be described as a kind of "temporal feedback".
It seems that two beings of the same consciousness cannot exist in the same universe.
This must be nature's way of correcting the anomaly.
That's your diagnosis? "Temporal feedback"?
That makes the most sense given what we know.
Okay, Dr. Chuck. 
If you're such an expert on space cancer, then what should we expect from here?
If the rate of deterioration stays in sync with 0-14, terminus...
That's what we call..
I get it, what?
He has about 48 hours. 
Give or take.
Then his vital organs will disintegrate 'till his biological functions shut down.
He's been chosen for extinction.
You have a hell of a bedside manner.
I'm a physicist, not an MD.
How am I supposed to believe any of this?
-knocking-
Now's your chance.
This is your proof right here. 
But, please, handle with care.
The faith of the universe is in your hands.
Jim.
I wasn't expecting you.
You might wanna hide in the other room in case he comes in.
He won't. 
He thinks Klaus is in here.
No need to tell me who's in there. 
I have my theory.
And who is that?
I'm not giving any more theories to you.
That's not why I came here.
That's not what I want from this.
And what do you want from this?
To ignore the facts, give you the benefit of the doubt.
All of the observable evidence leads to the inevitable conclusion that you are playing me.
But I refuse to accept it.
I barely know you, but something happened in those brief hours we spent together.
And it's how you looked at me, like how you're looking at me now.
Is the pain worse when he's close by?
Yeah.
Proximity to him must be a factor.
The best course of action is to get you out of town, as far as possible, to alleviate the effects of the feedback.
You mean prolong the inevitable?
So, here it is, my act of faith.
The gun is to my head.
But, I'm sure as shit not gonna pull the trigger myself.
This is yours.
You get to decide what happens.
In two days, I'm gonna start the machine.
And I'm gonna open the wormhole.
But it's now up to you what goes through it.
Chuck.
I want you to take your friend and get the fuck out of here.
Okay.
Abby!
You lied to me.
Not about me and you.
Me and you is all totally based on bullshit.
If you could just see my logic...
Don't.
There is an explanation for all of it.
Not for how I feel.
I'm not even sure who I'm talking to right now,
But whatever Jim you are, I want you to get the hell out of my house before I contract this psychotic disease.
I don't think that temporal feedback is contagious.
Matty? 
Where's Jim Prime?
I need you to slip away and meet me at our place.
Tell him that you have left your reading glasses at home.
He knows you're useless without them.
Then break them. 
Tell him you have to get your other pair.
Just do it! 
And...
Bring D-29B.
Dextro-29 Boost
Still in beta.
It's, uh,
Hybrid synthesis of adrenal epinephrine secretions.
Oh yeah!
It won't keep you alive, but when you take it, you won't know you're dying.
I'm dying.
I'm dying, yes.
Yeah. 
OK. 
Alright. 
What to do? 
What to do? 
What to do?
I'm dying. 
Dying. 
Death. 
Dead. 48 hours. 48 hours.
We have to prevent that, don't we? 
We do. 
We should.
I say we don't do anything.
Don't open the other end of the wormhole, then it's like it never happened.
Have you considered...?
I'm here, it happened, yes, yes, it did. 
Yes, it did.
But, have you consi...
Yes, we did. 
No, we roll up our sleeves. 
We find a workable solution.
...to explain the actions of paradox.
We have to get one of you out of here.
Let's come clean with Jim Prime. 
He can go and you can live.
He's not gonna do it if he knows he will die.
Would you? 
No, you wouldn't. 
I wouldn't. 
I mean, I did, I'm here, so...
That is the notion.
Maybe it should be me that goes.
And make things worse?
The theory...
Are you joking? 
Is he joking? 
Make things worse?
I have less than two days to live, I lost the rights to my life's work, my girlfriend, she hates me, so how can it possibly get any worse?
Parallel dimensions.
Parallel dimensions.
There exists not one singular universe, but an infinite number of possibilities coinciding simultaneously and eternally.
Every conceivable version of every being persisting forward in the concurrent reality.
Your time-space excursion was not to the past of your present universe, on the contrary, it was simply a migration from your plane of existence to the one adjacent.
You're operating independently of yourself on an alternate timeline.
No.
But...
That's still hypothetical at this point.
And, of course, I already thought of that, but being here, seeing it for myself, everything played out exactly the same.
Yes, but, your journal accounted for...
What journal?
Where did you get this?
It was in your coat pocket when you traversed.
And you had this the whole time?
I was processing it as a dataset.
It's not my handwriting.
You were both so busy.
This is her book.
Whose book?
Abby's.
It was alarmingly accurate.
Matty,
This is a made-up story. 
A work of fiction.
And an incomplete one at that.
Okay, enough theorizing.
Alright? 
The machine should be up and running.
How much more of this go-juice do you have?
Enough.
Alright, I'm pulling the trigger on our best option.
Klaus only paid for one unit of MRD. 
We can't do this again.
If I go back through the wormhole, knowing what I know now, to that first day, we won't have to do this ever again.
I can take over from here.
Where have you been?
Uh, our mass-spectrometer was on the fritz and I wanted to take 0-14 over to the institute for a final evaluation.
How's it doing?
Clean bill of health.
But, they're gonna keep it tonight so that they can run it through the liquid scintillation counter.
Okay. 
As long as they don't know what it's for.
They think it's a sample.
But we're almost online. 
Wanna do a practice run?
Absolutely.
-knocking-
Oh, and Chuck.
Dahlia 2.0 is also gone for now, so we have to send something else through the wormhole.
I think I can find a replacement.
Balance metric pressure at 0-5-7.
Metric pressure sustaining, 0-5-7, releasing valves.
Docking hatch opened and clear.
Radioactivity meters online, ready for exposure.
Prepare to load MRD.
MRD removed from containment.
Preparing to load.
Keep full exposure duration no more than 10 seconds.
Nine
Eight
Seven
Insertion of MRD commencing.
Five
Four
Three
Two
One
MRD in place.
Close hatch.
Jim. 
Jim, Jim! 
The pressure dropped below 0-2-9.
We have to abort.
Alright, abort.
It's that damn bracket again.
We're gonna have to reconfigure the output.
I know how to fix it. 
Might take a while to recalibrate.
Why don't you take a break?
I don't take breaks.
What about that stack of readouts in your office?
Have you got through those yet?
I see what you're doing.
You do?
You want me to sleep.
You're on to me.
Fine. 
I'll leave you be.
But work on that for a bit.
And I'm not napping.
Okay, Jim. 
Get ready.
Matty, close the docking hatch.
Handle left, 45 degrees.
Slide forward and lock at high noon. 
Engage sequence.
Chuck. 
I don't, uh...
Matty, it's good.
The left...and right...
Matty, he could come back any second.
To the left and right...and that's that. 
The left and right.
Matty, you've done it a thousand times, do it now!
You're still chasing after her, huh?
I don't realize that's what I'm doing.
Until I do it.
Power to cross the universe in an instant.
Impossible dream becomes possible.
All the unbelievable things you could accomplish, eternal questions you could answer.
And you just wanna get laid.
You'd do the same if it were you.
A no to that.
The machine still works.
The MRD is gone.
We could try to find the money.
In 36 hours? 
I don't see how.
What about Klaus?
You have seen the future.
You could buy some stocks. 
Play a little of the over-under on a game.
Did you happen to have a catch of the news before you left?
It's over. 
I'm done with the past.
This is goodbye.
The least I can do is buy you dinner.
Okay.
We'll let Jim Prime keep on without a clue.
At least until you're gone.
Where's Matty?
He was devastated by what he did. 
Didn't wanna face ya.
-phone ringing-
This is you.
I mean...him.
I should take this.
Go ahead and order. 
I'll be right back.
It's not done yet.
Chuck told me everything.
Chuck is an asshole.
I want to hear it from you.
Why did you really go through the wormhole?
Because my heart was broken.
And you blame me?
Abby.
The only one to blame here is me.
I did it to myself.
I'm willing to let technology take some of the fall here.
So I understand the only way to get the other Jim into the wormhole is to show up tomorrow with the dahlia and Klaus.
That is one scenario, yeah.
One that I would prefer not to repeat.
But if it would save your life...
It wouldn't. 
Because we're about 5 million shy of there even being a wormhole.
I can get the money.
No!
Any questions about the menu?
Can you please give us a minute?
But it would be for us.
It would be so we could have more time together.
No!
I'm not gonna let you do that!
It's my choice, not yours.
Then it'll be your choice.
Take me as far as you can.
Checking in?
Yes.
Name, please.
James Beale.
Seems you're already staying with us, Mr. Beale.
What?
Right.
I forgot my keycard.
May I get a replacement, please?
Of course.
There exists not one singular universe, but an infinite number of possibilities coinciding simultaneously and eternally.
Every conceivable version of every being persisting forward in the concurrent reality.
Your time-space excursion was not to the past of your present universe, on the contrary, it was simply a migration from your plane of existence to the one adjacent.
John Bane's time-space excursion was not to his own past.
Little did he realize, he had travelled to the past of a parallel universe.
A timeline, so similar to his own.
He had simply overlooked the differences.
An infinite number of possibilities, an infinite number of choices, an infinite number of outcomes.
Take me to the Grand hotel.
Mr. Meisner. 
Would you be so kind as to wait here while I escort Ms. Ross and her dahlia to the lab floor?
Is this really the way you want?
Isn't there usually a champagne at these things, I could kill a whole bottle right now.
So, this is the way it's gonna be?
It's the way it has to be.
The way it is.
It only seems that way now, but eventually, you will see it in a different light.
So, that's it then, you meant nothing.
Put these on.
I don't want you to miss the thing.
MRD in place.
Slide forward.
Lock it at high noon.
Engage sequence.
I'm not interested, so don't even try.
May not look like it, but I'm actually working.
Do you know who I am?
Should I?
Oh my god.
You look just like him.
Who?
John.
A physicist named John Bane.
What a coincidence.
I'm a physicist.
They say he invented a time machine.
Did he?
No one knows.
Anyways, he died in a lab explosion before I got to interview him.
Really?
That's too bad.
The fire destroyed all of his work.
It's sad, really.
To be so close to controlling time, and then, poof.
Gone in an instant.
Time is a great teacher.
That eventually kills all of it's students.
I like that one. 
That's a good one.
You have any more?
Yeah. 
Have a drink with me.
I'll tell you all about my time travel experiment.
Mine would make for a much better story.
Your story is better?
Is that a fact?
No. 
Just a theory.
SubRip by: 
CrAzYPiLoT

(whirring)
Man: 
Balance metric pressure at 057.
Man 2: 
Metric pressure sustaining 057.
Releasing valves.
Prepare to load M.R.D.
Radioactivity meters online, ready for exposure.
Man: 
Docking hatch open and clear.
M.R.D. removed from containment.
Preparing to load.
Hold full exposure duration at no more than 10 seconds.
9, 8... 7, 6... 5, 4... 3, 2... 1.
M.R.D. in place.
Close hatch.
Turn handle left 45 degrees.
Lock it at high noon to engage sequence.
- (whirring) - (buzzing)
(alarm blaring)
Left 45, then right.
Left... right.
You just caused a thermonuclear explosion, wiped out the whole city.
Sorry, Jim.
I promise I'll get it right on the day.
This is the day, Matty.
- (sighs) 
- You want us to switch?
No, there's no time for him to learn the meters.
I'll never understand how you're able to solve the most complex mathematical equations, but you can't tell left from right.
It's a form of dyscalculia.
The parietal lobes of my cerebral cortex...
Jim: 
Okay.
We have time for one more practice run at this.
Reset everything.
We've been at this for 72 hours straight.
Only two more till we go live.
I'll get you some more coffee.
(sighs) Coffee, amphetamines, more coffee.
You're gonna kill yourself.
We are precious moments from a topological anomaly.
Is that what I should tell everyone at your funeral?
No.
You signed a confidentiality agreement.
(whirring)
Jim Beale, project log.
Part one of the experiment.
Tentative results.
Opening a traversable wormhole in the space-time continuum, first ever recorded.
This tear that I will create in the fabric of the universe is powered by M.R.D.
Extremely volatile, radioactive substance, so, of course, all precautions will be taken.
Possible dangers range from manageable radiation leak to...
Well, the universe collapsing onto itself.
It's now 47 minutes until we initiate the first part of the sequence... opening one end of the wormhole.
Okay.
He should be here.
I'm gonna give him the Big Bang speech.
Oh, Jim, give him the fireworks.
That's what he's here for.
Now, once opened, we should detect a unique sequence of particles sent through from the other side, a sequence so unique that we will know that we sent them to ourselves.
And I will have proof of the findings to show our venture capitalist, Klaus Meisner.
And he will then provide the necessary M.R.D.
for us to open the other end.
Let's see what I'm paying for.
Then we will send this unique sequence of particles back through to ourselves, thereby proving that the project is a success.
The Big Bang.
We have proven theories...
This isn't my ideal situation.
To have an investor be this kind of major factor in an experiment.
But I only have enough M.R.D. to open one end.
We are about to embark on a journey
- that's going to take...
- Enough of the physics lesson.
Get on with the light show.
This whole thing is an experiment in certainty.
I'm certain it will work.
(beeping)
Jim: 
Balance metric pressure at 057.
Matty: 
Metric pressure sustaining 057.
Releasing valves.
Docking hatch open and clear.
Jim: 
Prepare to load M.R.D.
M.R.D. removed from containment.
Hold full exposure no longer than 10 seconds.
9, 8... 7, 6... 5, 4... 3, 2... 1.
M.R.D. in place.
Close hatch.
Turn handle left 45 degrees.
Lock it at high noon.
Engage sequence.
Here we go.
(whirring)
- (buzzing) - (crackling)
Man: 
Jim.
Jim.
(gasps and breathes heavily)
We thought you were having a seizure.
Did it work?
Kept you from biting your tongue.
- No, the machine.
- The magnetic core melted.
- The regulator's blown.
- Where's Klaus?
He left when you were unconscious.
You can only burn a candle at both ends for so long.
You should go home and get some sleep.
I sold my home to pay you and Matty.
(sighs)
Maybe it was sabotage.
- Right.
- No, I'm serious.
Maybe it was visitors from the future who came back to destroy our project because it eventually leads to some distant apocalypse.
- It's a distinct possibility.
- (chuckles)
Guys.
Look what I found.
It's an exotic hybrid of the dahlia genus.
There.
Right there.
That black speck.
Could be a missing pixel.
- It's moving.
- Yeah. 
There it goes.
Jim: 
There.
- I think that was Matty.
- No, no, I saw someone.
I saw it before I blacked out.
It looked like a person.
Not Matty.
It went out the front.
(alarm blares)
Where did you just come from?
I should be asking you.
How did you do that?
- What?
- That.
How did you get here?
In a car.
How did you get here?
You didn't just walk through a wormhole?
You're making me feel like I did.
I just met you.
Then why are you acting like you know me?
I don't.
- (knock on window) 
- You left before you could see.
It was a success.
Didn't appear that way to me, Mr. Beale.
If you just come back into the lab.
You've wasted my money.
Now you're wasting my time.
I can prove to you that it worked.
But I'm already late for a previous engagement.
We made history tonight.
I'm sure whoever it is will understand.
"Whoever it is" is my wife.
She's already at the restaurant, and I assure you, she will not understand.
Why don't you and your little friend join us and we can discuss this over dinner?
We just met.
- Another time, then.
- No. no, no, no.
We would love to join you and your wife for dinner,
- wouldn't we?
- Abby.
- Abby.
- Abby.
What's going on, Jim?
Start running preliminary tests on the flower.
I'm gonna go to dinner with the Meisners and Abby.
Okay.
(car door closes)
Who's Abby?
Jim: 
What we've done is folded on top of itself by forming a tunnel, a shortcut between one location in space-time to another light-years away.
But in order to traverse a wormhole, you have to have two openings.
What we did tonight was open one end of it.
Where's the other end?
We have to do it again to find out.
I'm not sure I follow.
The way it works is, you need a transmitter and a receiver.
Now, like a telephone...
I'm mixing metaphors here, but you can't complete a call without another phone involved.
We already have the receiver.
We got the call.
How much?
It's not capital I'm asking for.
No, for the whole project.
The research, the formulas, the machine, everything.
How much?
It's not for sale.
Then what do you want, Mr. Beale?
- Another unit of M.R.D. 
- And for that I get what, 10%?
We're talking about dangerous radioisotopes, enriched uranium, yellowcake, the sort of thing countries go to war over.
Not anymore, once we have the ability to answer the fundamental questions of the universe.
But how will we make money on our investment?
With all due respect, we're not talking about hover cars and x-ray goggles.
We're talking about an epoch of human evolution.
Pardon my pedestrian viewpoint, Mr. Beale, but how do you plan to market that?
Pardon my pedestrian viewpoint for a moment, Ms. Meisner.
Do you know who pioneered electricity?
Of course.
Thomas Edison.
I thought so, too.
Until I stumbled upon a book about Nikola Tesla.
You see, Tesla was working towards a way to get everyone on the planet safe, free, limitless electricity, and he would have, except Edison did everything in his power to discredit him and crush his reputation.
Mm.
Edison's company developed a patent for an inefficient current you had to pay for.
Tesla wanted to better the world.
And Edison forced us all to have a monthly power bill because he was envious of a profound idea.
Now, I don't have a horse in this race, but I would put my money on Jim, because he's Tesla, and Edison was a dick.
(car door opens and closes)
I'll supply you with the M.R.D.
But I want to own half the machine.
Can't do that.
Well, you see, my company is in the enviable position of being the sole manufacturer of M.R.D.
So, best of luck.
Forty-nine percent.
And money for the repairs.
You have a week.
I won't sleep till it's complete.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You want to share a cab?
Jim: 
Was I playing the beard tonight?
(chuckles) Why do you ask?
Well, either you came to the lab with Klaus or you got there through the wormhole.
I did arrive with Klaus.
But I'm leaving with you.
That kiss could've cost me millions of dollars.
Would it have been worth it?
(chuckles)
I'd have to do more research, eliminate the variables.
Mm.
This is me.
You sure he won't mind?
He went home... with his wife.
(door closes)
(keys jingle)
Drinks?
Black coffee for me.
KMC 0-14.
You like my dahlia?
(cellphone ringing)
Yeah.
Where did you get it?
- (beep) - (ringing stops)
(cellphone ringing)
Sorry.
I have to take this.
(beep)
Chuck, what do you got?
What are you doing?
Uh, talking to you.
What time do you have exactly to the second?
9:45:22, 23.
Come on, get on with it.
When did you and I first meet?
- What is this?
- Just tell me.
- It's important.
- Uh, 10 years ago at that karaoke bar with the weird name.
What's going on?
So, we've known each other a long time.
- We trust each other?
- Yeah.
Stay away from that girl.
She's no good for you.
What?
Just don't tell her or anyone else about the experiment.
We're onto something much bigger than we imagined.
(beep)
(door opens)
(door closes)
- (beep) - (door opens)
What are you doing here, Jim?
I went to the lab.
You guys were gone.
You should go back.
We'll meet you there.
No, no, no, you called.
You said something...
We were onto something.
And what was this stuff about Abby?
(high-pitched screeching)
(groans)
My head is killing me.
See?
I told you you need to stop popping those pills and get some sleep.
What did you mean earlier when you were talking about Abby?
Let me get you some pills.
Chuck.
Chuck, I figured it out.
It makes sense.
I finally see it now.
Fucking intense.
(high-pitched screeching)
(Jim groaning)
Matty, stop.
You're giving Jim a headache.
This isn't a headache.
This is a lightning storm between my temples.
Just tell me, what did you mean earlier when you were talking about...
How long was I out?
Huh?
Oh, Jim, you're awake.
Um, you were unconscious for approximately 8.5 hours.
Why didn't you wake me?
Your biological imperative requires a minimum amount of dormancy per day in order to properly function.
But you should lie back down in case of another...
I just needed some sleep.
I got plenty.
Where'd you get that jacket?
Haven't you considered the correlation between your episodes and the arrival of KMC 0-14?
KMC 0...
The serial number of the dahlia.
We have to wait for Chuck to get back.
You and Chuck meet me at the lab.
We have another wormhole to open.
- We have to wait for Chuck.
- (door opens)
(beep)
(exclaims)
Man: 
Hey, did you forget your keys?
Is this the residence of Abby Ross?
She's not here.
This is Jim Beale.
I'm a friend of hers.
Hey, sleepyhead, looking for me?
Is there a man in your place?
I guess you buzzed my neighbor by accident.
I need to see your flower.
Wow, classy.
I am a lady.
You can at least buy me breakfast first.
(beep)
Do they even serve breakfast here?
Two morning specials, Mike.
Your dahlia, where did you get it?
It was a gift.
Exotic plants like that are hard to come by.
It's an expensive present.
Ahh.
(sighs)
It was from someone who gave me everything I wanted except a minute of his time.
Well, time is our only real currency.
Hm.
Meeting you was the most important part of my experiment.
Is that a fact?
Hm. 
No, it's not a fact.
I, uh, only meant to say that your dahlia, that may be important to my research.
Mm-hmm.
Hit me again, Mike.
Or maybe not, I don't know.
Right now it's just a theory.
So, what's all this fuss about my dahlia?
How do I know I can really trust you?
The truth will set you free.
The ID number matches the one that came through the wormhole.
But that's probably just a coincidence.
You people don't believe in coincidences.
Sure we do.
Yeah.
Einstein himself said that they're God's way of remaining anonymous.
So, your machine working was total happenstance.
No. 
No, that was me.
I did it.
I'm the one that came up with the idea that made it work.
And what was that?
The rotation of the earth.
The biggest obstacle in opening a wormhole is creating enough energy.
Not unlike the tremendous amount of energy that an entire planet makes as it spins on its axis.
The power is there.
I didn't have to generate it.
I just thought of a way to utilize it.
Kind of like us.
I mean, the energy's there.
We just got to think of a way to use it.
(both breathing heavily)
(elevator bell dings)
(high-pitched screeching)
(high-pitched screeching)
(echoing) Jim?
Are you okay?
(echoing) Chuck.
You found me.
Technology's come a long way.
Not being found is hard.
I think we sent this to ourselves.
Chuck...
You were right about the girl.
Jim: 5, 4... 3, 2...
Chuck: 
Jim.
Jim, Jim.
The pressure dropped below 029.
We have to abort.
All right, abort.
It's that damn bracket again.
We're gonna have to reconfigure the output.
It might take a while to recalibrate.
Chuck: 
Why don't you take a break?
Jim: 
I like your lighter.
Take it, it's yours.
Needs fuel.
Hand me those matches.
So, my flower's really the same one that came through your wormhole?
I'd have to run some tests to know for sure.
What's my finder's fee?
What?
Abby: 
Okay, fine.
I'll settle for one butterfly kiss.
(chuckles softly)
(chuckles)
It's a match, Jim.
Identical DNA match.
KMC 0-14, you're the first organism to time-travel.
Yes, but in a parallel-universe scenario, we have to consider that the Klaus Meisner Corporation
- may not have...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- What did you just say?
- Parallel universe?
- We have to...
- No, no.
Klaus Meisner Corporation.
KMC 0-14.
Klaus Meisner Corporation 0-14.
They license exotic plants and flowers for domestic use.
- (cellphone ringing) 
- We have to take into account the very distinct possibility that these two plants when they traversed...
Jim Beale.
Man: 
I have Klaus Meisner for you.
Yeah, put him through.
Klaus: 
Mr. Beale, you have the dahlia in your possession.
Yes.
Did she tell you that?
I want you in my office to go over the contracts.
What's going on here?
You're about to get fucked.
(click)
(sighs)
Klaus: 
Logic.
Rationale.
Dignity.
All seem to disappear with the scent of that perfume.
Good reason, common sense, they just go by the wayside 'cause of the way her hair breaks across her forehead and frames her eyes.
The total reckless abandon that you have absolutely no control over, Mr. Beale.
Have a seat.
I prefer to stand when I'm getting it from behind.
You watch your tone.
If you're gonna come at me, you better come hard and fast and be willing to go all the way, because I never lose.
Klaus, listen.
You call me Mr. Meisner.
My best friends and associates call me Klaus, but you, sir, are neither.
You are an employee.
I don't work for you.
The hard cost of one unit of M.R.D.
is $5 million, give or take a little.
What for you is a small fortune is for me negligible.
I've lost larger sums in the cushions of my sofa.
But you need M.R.D. for your machine to work.
Therefore you come to me, hat in hand, begging.
Forty-nine percent of my project hardly makes you my boss.
Well, this is true, but you need tangible proof that your prototype works, evidence that you've actually created a traversable wormhole.
And to do that, you need to be able to send the original specimen, which is registered as KMC 0-14, back through to the other side.
Now...
It just so happens that I own all copyrights, commercial and private, for all KMC products, which means...
This is your lucky day.
I'm willing to sell to you those rights for let's say, 50% of your operation.
Now, if you put that together with the 49% I already own...
Let's crunch the numbers, that leaves you with...
One percent for your efforts.
Now, if you want to finish this experiment that leads to the invention of time travel, then you, Mr. Beale, work for me.
You are an employee.
So you slipped up.
Had a moment of weakness.
I have to admit, she's an incredible piece of ass.
But you and I both know you're not gonna walk away from the find of the century because of whose name's gonna end up in the textbooks.
(echoing) Like our little friend said, you're Tesla, and I'm quite content being just another Edison of the world.
(high-pitched screeching)
(screeching stops)
(whirs)
Jim Beale.
Project log, final entry before zero hour of the experiment.
A piercing sound has been cutting through every synapse of my brain ever since
I opened the first end of the wormhole.
It's finally ceased.
Hopefully for good.
Klaus Meisner has me on the ropes.
He knew that I needed a correlative between side "a"
and side "b" to prove that the machine works.
Otherwise, it's just a bunch of blinking lights.
I mean, if I send the dahlia back to myself, then he owns my machine.
Wait, what are you doing?
I'm taking it back to its rightful owner.
The one variable in this is Abby.
And I need her to be a constant.
So if the fate of my machine is predetermined, it has to be because of her that the dahlia goes through.
She has to be the one to put it through the wormhole.
(elevator bell dings)
If she brings it to the lab, if she comes there with Klaus... that is very fucking unfortunate, but at least I will know.
(muffled conversation)
(sighs)
Jim.
I really wasn't expecting you.
You don't have to invite me in.
Good. 
It's a bit of a mess in there at the moment.
The gun is to my head.
But I'm sure as shit not gonna pull the trigger myself.
This is yours.
You get to decide what happens.
In two days, I'm gonna start the machine, and I'll open the wormhole.
But now it's up to you what goes through it.
You have to make the choice.
Mr. Meisner, would you be so kind as to wait here while I escort Ms. Ross and her dahlia to the lab floor?
So, this is the way it's gonna be?
It's the way it has to be.
The way it is.
It only seems that way now, but eventually you will see it in a different light.
We had our time together.
Goodbye, Jim.
Put these on.
Wouldn't want you to miss a thing.
(hissing)
5, 4... 3, 2... 1.
Matty: 
M.R.D. in place.
Jim: 
Close hatch.
Turn handle left 45 degrees.
Lock it at high noon.
Engage sequence.
Commence graviton resonance.
You may own the dahlia, but you don't own me.
(whooshing)
(breathing heavily)
(alarm blares)
(buzzing)
Do you have a light?
Matches?
Two sticks I can rub together?
Yeah.
Recognize that?
Should I?
It's yours.
It is now. 
Thanks.
What you and Klaus are doing is wrong, and it has to stop.
- Excuse me?
- I know what you're up to, and I'm not gonna let it happen again.
That's none of your business.
It'll be my business if you and I get involved.
Does this technique usually work for you?
Or have you been cooped up in the lab too long,
- you've forgotten how to flirt?
- Listen, I'm onto you.
I should have known that someone as intelligent and as beautiful as you are, I should have known there had to be some kind of catch.
There is a catch.
(echoing) It's a big one.
- (buzzing) - (gasps)
(door closes)
Where did you just come from?
I should be asking you.
How did you do that?
- What?
- That.
How did you get here?
You didn't just walk through a wormhole?
You're making me feel like I did.
I just met you.
(echoing) Then why are you acting like you know me?
I don't.
(door closes)
Tell me, Matty, again where it was.
It was exactly right here.
You and I both almost stepped on it.
I didn't. 
I didn't see it when I came in.
I would've seen it, Matty.
When I was on the stairs, I came here, and I almost tripped on it.
Jim? 
I thought you were at dinner with Klaus.
I am.
Let's try this.
That's my phone.
Now, call it with yours.
(cellphone ringing)
(beep)
- It went to voicemail.
- (beep)
Right. 
Try it again.
(scoffs)
(dialing)
(cellphone ringing)
It's ringing.
- (beep) 
- Jim: 
Chuck, what do you got?
- What are you doing?
- Uh, talking to you.
What time do you have exactly to the second?
What? 
9:45:22, 23.
Come on, get on with it.
It could be an imposter.
Ask him something only you and I know.
Uh, when did you and I first meet?
What is this?
Just tell me.
It's important.
Uh, 10 years ago at that karaoke bar with the weird name.
What's going on?
Ten years ago at the karaoke bar with the weird name?
I didn't know that.
Chuck, you there?
Now, tell me not to trust Abby Ross.
She's just using me.
What? 
No.
You're my best friend.
I will understand.
So, we've been friends a long time.
- We trust each other?
- Yeah.
Stay away from that girl.
She's no good for you.
What?
Just don't tell her or anyone else about the experiment.
We're onto something much bigger than we imagined.
(beep)
- So, that happened.
- What is it?
Matty, you ever been to a Native American orgy?
- No.
- It's fucking intense.
I don't get it.
If I'm doing my math correctly, then there is a good chance that
I'm on my way here right now.
- How do you know?
- 'Cause it's what I did before.
(door opens)
(door closes)
I'm telling you, this is where I'm coming next.
We don't know that for sure.
We need to keep you isolated from the world as much as possible to avoid any collisions of causality.
But my being here hasn't effected any real change yet.
That we know about.
We have to make sure that the machine doesn't fall into the wrong hands.
Uncover the conspiracy before it's too late.
What are you now, a secret agent?
You're a scientist, and as a man of science, you need to step back, breathe, and take a moment to properly analyze the data.
Jim: 
Fine.
Let me stay here and observe this strange new habitat I've encountered.
Oh.
What is this?
(gasps) It's a remote control.
In our time, we use it to operate the television.
Oh, wow.
In the future, we control the TV with our minds.
Chuck: 
Oh, right.
You're only five days ahead of us.
This isn't a game.
You're now part of the experiment, Jim, the same as the dahlia.
That means we have to study you the same way, follow the process.
I need you to go step by step and tell us exactly how you did it.
What did it feel like?
The wormhole opened.
I jumped in.
(sighs)
I don't know why you're being so obtuse.
Because we're wasting time sitting around here yapping about it.
We must take action.
I got duped.
We have to strike back.
We can't do anything until we fully understand what happened.
We are messing with the primal forces of nature here.
The primal forces of nature are telling me I have to take a piss.
(sighs)
(beep, door opens)
What are you doing here, Jim?
I went to the lab.
You guys were gone.
You should go back.
We'll meet you there.
No, no, no, you called.
You said something...
We were onto something.
And what was this stuff about Abby?
(indistinct talking)
My head is killing me.
See?
I told you you need to stop popping those pills and get some sleep.
What did you mean earlier when you were talking about Abby?
Let me get you some pills.
Stay in here.
Don't come out, no matter what you hear.
Give me the aspirin.
Matty: 
Chuck, I get it now.
It makes sense.
I finally see it now.
Fucking intense.
(Jim groaning)
Matty, stop.
You're giving Jim a headache.
No, this isn't a headache.
This, this is a lightning storm between my temples.
(groans)
What were you saying earlier?
When we were on the phone, you said something about not trusting Abby and then we were onto something bigger.
(groans loudly)
Matty: 
No, no, no.
- No, no, no, no.
- Matty.
This is far too much to calculate.
You have to keep it together.
- Matty, look at me.
- You can't... 
No, no.
Look at me.
Sing the pi song.
♪ 3.14159 ♪
Yeah, there you go.
Sing it.
- ♪ 265358 ♪ 
- Yeah.
♪ 93238... ♪
(door closes)
Jim.
Shit.
Time travel made that guy a real asshole.
(beeping)
(intercom ringing)
(beep)
The drink offer is rescinded.
Okay.
But what about coffee?
Does that count?
I never had a chance to finish my coffee.
What do you want, Jim?
Look, I know I left without saying goodbye, but if you let me back up, I just want a chance to apologize for leaving the way that I did.
(beeping)
So, let's hear it.
It better be good if you want to see what's underneath.
I know what's underneath...
trouble.
Do I really have to explain how this works?
You grovel at my feet.
And then...
I came here with a plan.
There's so much that I want to say.
(muffled voices)
I don't know where to start.
(voices talking backwards)
There's certain tribes in the Amazon where women use shamanistic ritual to control their men by driving them to insanity.
Are you a shaman?
No, I'm just a girl.
I'm sorry.
I'll take it.
(intercom ringing)
- (sighs) - (electricity crackles)
- Ow!
- Ow!
(static)
Is this the residence of Abby Ross?
She's not here.
This is Jim Beale.
I'm a friend of hers.
Hey, sleepyhead, looking for me?
Is there a man in your place?
Abby: 
I guess you buzzed my neighbor by accident.
- I need to see your flower.
- Wow, classy.
I am a lady.
You can at least buy me breakfast first.
Jim: 
The biggest obstacle in opening a wormhole is creating enough energy.
Not unlike the tremendous amount of energy that an entire planet makes as it spins on its axis.
The power is there.
I just thought of a way to utilize it.
Double or nothing if I hit it again.
I'll take those odds.
The booze just hit me.
Not much of a drinker.
(indistinct talking)
(indistinct talking)
Give me that.
Ready?
(door opens)
Not being found is hard.
Especially when there's two of you.
That's not me, 'cause I'm sitting right here.
He might as well be some other guy.
But it's not.
That is you a week younger.
But from now on, she's only gonna be with me.
How can you know that?
Because that's what I'm about to make sure of.
Whoa, Jim. 
Jim!
This isn't some relationship problem.
It's a little bigger than you and that girl.
Not to me.
Not anymore.
You can't go around changing the past because you got your feelings hurt.
This is not the past for you.
I'm not changing anyone's past but my own.
No matter what happens to that guy,
I'm still gonna feel this way, right?
I have no idea.
You're the first person to ever do this.
Well, then the only way that I know how to fix my past is by taking control of my future.
What about the fact that she's using you to get to the machine?
She's not.
She's using him.
And that puts me in a fantastic position to turn it all around.
(grunts)
Jim?
You okay?
Chuck.
You found me.
Technology's come a long way.
Not being found is hard.
(door closes)
You taste like ash.
(intercom ringing)
Who's that?
Just ignore it.
They'll go away.
Will they?
They will.
(ringing continues)
(beep)
It's Klaus.
Then definitely ignore it.
Doesn't he know I'm here?
I don't care if he knows or not.
Well, tell him.
Tell him everything is going according to plan.
- What are you talking about?
- Answer it.
I want to hear what you two have to say to each other.
Fine.
(beep)
I can't invite you in, Klaus.
Jim Beale is here, and he's about to fuck the shit out of me again.
(beep)
Well, what are you waiting for?
I just cut off my only source of income for you, so better make it worth it.
So you do work for him.
He was funding my research.
You're working on a time-travel project for him.
It's not for him.
So why is he paying you for it?
You know, for a brilliant man, you really are quite dense.
Please, enlighten me.
Don't make me say it.
Come on, the truth will set you free, remember?
'Cause I was fucking him, all right?
Yeah, he paid my bills and my rent, and whatever else I needed.
So then why me?
It ended for me the night you and I first met, but it wasn't official until right now.
So you jump at the first guy who comes along?
I mean, you must have had ulterior motives to fuck me like you did.
You are being a childish asshole.
And you're right.
I was using you.
I was using you for my research.
A ploy to steal my ideas for your nefarious scheme.
So, what is it?
Let's get all the cards on the table.
It's... it's not done yet.
Waiting for my next move, huh?
Well, you're making it.
You want to see what I'm working on?
I'll be down at the pub drinking this day off.
Abby: 
Working in secret for two years in a hidden lab on the outskirts of the city,
John Bane's prototype had become the stuff of legend.
They say he invented a time machine.
But what no one knew was that only moments before I met him, it had actually worked.
Do you have a light?
I knew everything there was to know about John Bane the physicist, but I never imagined I would get to know
John Bane the man.
Jim: 
A science fiction novel.
More of a novella at this point.
Your hero, John Bane, that's supposed to be me.
There was an article about you that inspired the idea, yeah.
But once I met you...
Do you know who I am?
John, a physicist named John Bane.
The whole story got a lot more involved.
That's why it's not done yet.
I wanted to see how it played out.
Yeah, but it's not actually me.
It's just a version of me.
It doesn't have my memories or feelings.
(both chuckle)
That's unfortunate.
Abby: 
If we only had time.
Time to get closer.
I'm just a girl.
The girl of my dreams.
We could have a chance of something real.
I led myself to believe in serendipity.
But the cosmos had a cruel way of making me believe otherwise.
As the day of the final experiment grew near,
I wondered if we had a future together.
Or would fate keep us apart?
What happens from here on out is up to me.
That's why I'm here with you right now.
But you can't change fate.
It's like trying to make the sun set with your mind.
Who's to say I can't?
(sighs)
See that?
That right there...
I did that.
Tell me I didn't.
Scientists and their god complex.
(both chuckle)
(coughing)
I'm supposed to be the smoker here.
(coughing)
(coughing)
- Are you okay?
- Chuck: 
Jim, are you okay?
(shouting)
(cellphone ringing)
- Jim?
- It's not Jim.
It's Abby. 
There's something wrong with Jim.
He's coughing up blood, and he's... he's been having seizures, and I don't know what to do.
Can you please...
can you please come?
He won't let me take him to the hospital.
- I'm just...
- Abby, Abby.
- Yeah?
- Don't do anything until I get there.
Don't call anyone.
Don't do anything.
- I'm coming.
- Okay.
(beep)
Wait, what are you doing?
Uh...
Tell Jim Prime
I'm taking this to a specialist for more intensive examination.
Where's the other one?
Chuck took it to an examinist for further specialization.
Must be who called.
Wait, what are you doing?
I'm taking it back to its rightful owner.
Wormhole.
Such a weird word when you think about it.
(coughing)
Chuck: 
Right now he's experiencing what can only be described as a kind of temporal feedback.
It seems that two beings of the same consciousness cannot exist in the same universe.
This must be nature's way of correcting the anomaly.
That's your diagnosis?
Temporal feedback?
That makes the most sense given what we know.
Okay, Dr. Chuck, if you're such an expert on space cancer, then what should we expect from here?
If the rate of deterioration stays in sync with 0-14, terminus...
that's what we call...
I get it. 
What?
He has about 48 hours, give or take.
Then his vital organs will disintegrate until his biological functions shut down.
He's been chosen for extinction.
You have one hell of a bedside manner.
(sighs)
I'm a physicist, not an M.D.
How am I supposed to believe any of this?
(knock on door)
Now's your chance.
This is your proof right here.
But please handle with care.
The fate of the universe is in your hands.
(door opens)
Jim.
I really wasn't expecting you.
You might want to hide in the other room
- in case he comes in.
- He won't.
He thinks Klaus is in here.
No need to tell me who's in there.
- I have my theory.
- And what is that?
I'm not giving any more theories to you.
It's not why I came here.
It's not what I want from this.
And what do you want from this?
To ignore the facts, give you the benefit of the doubt.
All of the observable evidence leads to the inevitable conclusion that you are playing me.
But I refuse to accept it.
I barely know you.
But something happened in those brief hours we spent together.
It was how you looked at me.
Like how you're looking at me now.
Is the pain worse when he's close by?
Yeah.
Proximity to him must be a factor.
The best course of action is to get you out of town as far as possible to alleviate the effects of the feedback.
You mean prolong the inevitable.
So, here it is.
My act of faith.
The gun is to my head.
I'm sure as shit not gonna pull the trigger myself.
This is yours.
You get to decide what happens.
In two days, I'm gonna start the machine, and I'm gonna open the wormhole.
But it's now up to you what goes through it.
(door closes and beeps)
Chuck, I want you to take your friend and get the fuck out of here.
- Okay.
- Abby.
You lied to me.
Not about me and you.
Me and you is all totally based on bullshit.
If you could just see my logic on this.
Don't.
There's an explanation for all of it.
Not for how I feel.
I'm not even sure who I'm talking to right now, but whatever Jim you are,
I want you to get the hell out of my house before I contract this psychotic disease.
I don't think that temporal feedback is contagious.
No.
(groaning)
(car door closes)
(beep)
(cellphone ringing)
Matty?
Where's Jim Prime?
I need you to slip away and meet me at our place.
Tell him that you left your reading glasses at home.
He knows you're useless without them.
Then break them and tell him you have to go get your other pair.
Just do it, and...
Bring D-29B.
Dextro 29 boost.
Still in beta.
It's a hybrid synthesis of adrenal epinephrine secretions.
- Oh, yeah.
- It won't keep you alive.
- Oh.
- But when you take it,
- you won't know you're dying.
- I'm dying.
I'm dying, yes.
Yeah, okay.
All right, what to do?
What to do? 
What to do?
I'm dying.
Dying.
Death, dead, 48 hours.
Forty eight hours. 
We have to prevent that, don't we?
- We do. 
We should.
- I say we don't do anything.
Don't open the other end of the wormhole.
Then it's like it never happened.
- Have you considered...
- I'm here.
It happened.
Yes... yes, it did.
- But have you considered...
- Yes, it did.
No, we roll up our sleeves.
We find a workable solution, to explain the absence of paradoxes...
We have to get one of you out of here.
Let's come clean with Jim Prime.
He can go, and you can live.
He's not gonna do it if he knows he will die.
Would you?
No, you wouldn't.
I wouldn't.
I've been... 
I mean, I did.
- I'm here, so...
- There is the notion...
Maybe it should be me that goes.
And make things worse?
- The theory...
- Are you joking?
Is he joking?
Make things worse?
I have less than two days to live.
I lost the rights to my life's work.
My girlfriend, she hates me, so how could it possibly get any worse?
Parallel dimensions.
Parallel dimensions.
There exists not one singular universe, but an infinite number of possibilities coinciding simultaneously and eternally, every conceivable version of every being persisting forward in a concurrent reality.
Your time-space excursion was not to the past of your present universe.
On the contrary, it was simply a migration from your plane of existence to the one adjacent.
You're operating independently of yourself in an alternate timeline.
- No.
- But...
That's still hypothetical at this point.
And, of course, I already thought of that.
But being here, seeing it for myself, everything played out exactly the same.
But your journal accounted for...
What journal?
Where did you get this?
It was in your coat pocket when you traversed.
And you've had this the whole time?
I was processing it as a data set.
It's not my handwriting.
You were both so busy.
- This is her book.
- Whose book?
Abby's.
- It was alarmingly accurate.
- Matty?
This is a made-up story, a work of fiction, and an incomplete one at that.
Okay, enough theorizing.
All right? 
The machine should be up and running.
How much more of this go juice do you have?
Enough.
All right, I'm pulling the trigger on our best option.
Klaus only paid for one unit of M.R.D.
We can't do this again.
If I go back through the wormhole knowing what I know now to that first day, we won't have to do this ever again.
I can take over from here.
Where have you been?
Uh, our mass spectrometer was on the fritz.
I wanted to take 0-14 over to the institute for final evaluation.
How's it doing?
Clean bill of health.
But they're gonna keep it tonight so that they can run it through the liquid scintillation counter.
Okay, as long as they don't know what it's for.
They think it's a sample.
We're almost online.
You want to do a practice run?
Absolutely.
(knock on window)
Oh, and, Chuck, dahlia 2.0 is also gone for now, so we have to send something else through the wormhole.
I think I can find a replacement.
Balance metric pressure at 057.
Chuck: 
Metric pressure sustaining 057.
Releasing valves.
(hissing and whirring)
Docking hatch open and clear.
Chuck: 
Radioactivity meters online.
Ready for exposure.
Prepare to load M.R.D.
(hissing)
M.R.D. removed from containment.
Preparing to load.
Keep full exposure duration no more than 10 seconds.
9, 8... 7...
Insertion of M.R.D. commencing.
5, 4... 3, 2... 1.
M.R.D. in place.
Close hatch.
Jim.
Jim, Jim.
The pressure dropped below 029.
We have to abort.
All right, abort.
It's that damn bracket again.
We're gonna have to reconfigure the output.
I know how to fix it.
It might take a while to recalibrate.
Why don't you take a break?
I don't take breaks.
What about that stack of readouts in your office?
Have you gone through those yet?
Oh.
I see what you're doing.
You do?
You want me to sleep.
(sighs)
You're onto me.
Fine.
I'll leave you be to work on that for a bit.
But I'm not napping.
(exhales sharply)
Okay, Jim, get ready.
Matty, close the docking hatch.
Handle left 45 degrees.
Slide forward, then lock at high noon and engage sequence.
Chuck, I don't, uh...
Matty, let's go.
The left and right...
Matty, he could come back any second.
The left and right, they're not, um...
The left and right...
Matty, you've done it a thousand times.
Do it now.
- (lever cranks) - (hissing)
- (beeping) - (rumbling)
(alarm blares)
(powering down)
(sighs)
(alarm blares)
(door opens and closes)
You're still chasing after her, huh?
I never realize that's what I'm doing... until I do it.
The power to cross the universe in an instant.
The impossible dream becomes possible.
All the unbelievable things you could accomplish, the eternal questions you could answer.
And you just want to get laid.
You'd do the same if it were you.
You're probably right.
The machine still works.
But the M.R.D. is gone.
We could try to find the money.
Thirty six hours?
I don't see how.
What about Klaus?
You have seen the future.
Could buy some stocks, play the over-under on a game.
You didn't happen to catch the news before you left?
It's over.
I'm done with the past.
If this is goodbye...
Least I could do is buy you dinner.
Okay.
(sighs)
We'll let Jim Prime keep on without a clue, at least until you're gone.
Yeah.
Where's Matty?
He was devastated by what he did.
Didn't want to face you.
(cellphone ringing)
This is you.
I mean him.
I should take this.
Go ahead and order.
I'll be right back.
(beep)
Abby: 
It's not done yet.
Chuck told me everything.
Chuck is an asshole.
I want to hear it from you.
Why did you really go through the wormhole?
Because my heart was broken.
And you blame me?
Abby, the only one to blame here is me.
I did it to myself.
I'm willing to let technology take some of the fall here.
(both chuckle)
So, I understand the only way to get the other Jim into the wormhole is to show up tomorrow with the dahlia and Klaus.
That is one scenario, yeah.
One that I would prefer not to repeat.
But if it would save your life...
It wouldn't, because we're about $5 million shy of there even being a wormhole.
I can get the money.
No.
Waitress: 
Any questions about the menu?
Can you please give us a minute?
But it would be for us.
Then we can have more time together.
Look! 
I'm not gonna let you do that.
It's my choice, not yours.
Then it'll be your choice.
Take me as far as you can.
Checking in?
Yes.
Name, please.
James Beale.
(beeping)
Seems you are already staying with us, Mr. Beale.
What?
Right.
I forgot my key card.
May I get a replacement, please?
Of course.
(beeping)
(beep)
(breathing heavily)
Matty: 
There exists not one singular universe, but an infinite number of possibilities coinciding simultaneously and eternally.
Every conceivable version of every being persisting forward in a concurrent reality.
Your time-space excursion was not to the past of your present universe.
On the contrary, it was simply a migration from your plane of existence to the one adjacent.
Abby: 
John Bane's time-space excursion was not to his own past.
Little did he realize he had traveled to the past of a parallel universe...
A timeline so similar to his own, he had simply overlooked the differences.
An infinite number of possibilities, an infinite number of choices, an infinite number of outcomes.
Take me to the Grand Hotel.
(injection hisses)
(thud)
Mr. Meisner, would you be so kind as to wait here while I escort Ms. Ross and her dahlia to the lab floor?
Is this really what you want?
Isn't there usually champagne at these things?
I could kill a whole bottle right now.
Oh, so, this is the way it's gonna be.
It's the way it has to be.
The way it is.
It only seems that way now, but eventually you'll see it in a different light.
So that's it, then?
It meant nothing.
Put these on.
I don't want you to miss a thing.
Jim: 
Turn handle left 45 degrees.
Slide forward.
Lock it at high noon.
Engage sequence.
I'm not interested, so don't even try.
It may not look like it, but I'm actually working.
Do you know who I am?
Should I?
Oh, my God.
You look just like him.
Who?
John.
A physicist named John Bane.
What a coincidence.
I'm a physicist.
They say he invented a time machine.
Did he?
No one knows.
Anyways, he died in a lab explosion before I got to interview him.
Really?
That's too bad.
The fire destroyed all of his work.
It's sad, really...
To be so close to controlling time, and then poof...
gone in an instant.
Time is a great teacher that eventually kills all of its students.
I like that one.
That's a good one.
You have any more?
Yeah.
Have a drink with me.
I'll tell you all about my time-travel experiment.
Mine would make for a much better story.
Your story is better?
Is that a fact?
No, just a theory.
(chuckles)
(chuckles)

So, uh, did you have **** how Speedy got his pizza place?
- Not really.
- I wasn't talking to you.
Well, it all started at a baseball game.
- Then who are you talking to?
- Just watch.
[Cheering and applause]
Strike one!
Oho! 
You choked!
You're the world's worst!
I'd watch it if I were you.
What? 
They love it!
Hey, Rodriguez!
You have a stupid face!
Strike two!
Break out the aloe vera-- this guy just got burned.
[Stammering] Daffy, come on.
I bet you're a terrible husband and father.
[Ball whizzes and hits glove]
Strike 3!
[Laughing]
Ogladaj legalnie, polecaj i zarabiaj – Vodeon.pl
[Fanfare]
And he's out!
[Cheers]
Which hospital are we going to?
We're not going to a hospital we're going to Girardi's for pizza.
But what if I have a concussion?
You know what they say-- starve a cold, feed a head injury.
[Stammering] Besides, we go to Girardi's every Sunday.
It's tradition.
Closed?
Ahh. 
If it isn't my favorite customers,
Bugs, Porky, and, uh, this guy.
I'm so glad I got to see you before we left.
Where you going?
Back to Italy.
Mrs. Girardi and I, we made out a fortune.
It's time to retire.
Aw, that's nice.
Nice? 
It's terrible!
We love this place.
Aww, isn't that sweet.
Arrivederci, Porky.
See you later, buddy.
Mwah.
Now what are we going to do?
It's no Girardi's.
You're too sentimental.
Mmm. 
This stuff's delicious.
Here's some more pork ribs.
You know, I find that highly offensive.
Why? 
You eat pepperoni pizza.
- So?
- Pepperoni?
Uh, what?
Mmm.
[Grunts]
We need our old hangout back.
But Mr. Girardi's selling the restaurant.
Then I'll buy it.
[Spits] That's brilliant!
I've always wanted to own a restaurant.
You wouldn't own it.
I would.
Hmm.
You could work there.
[Scoffs] I don't do menial labor.
No, of course not.
I was thinking you would be commander-in-chief of pizza operations.
Commander-in-chief of pizza operations.
I'll require a uniform with plenty of medals.
Bugs, as your friend,
I think buying Girardi's is a great idea.
Then it's settled.
I'm buying Girardi's pizza.
But as your financial advisor,
I must warn you that 9 out of 10 restaurants fail in the first year.
You want to keep coming here on Sunday nights?
Here's your pulled pork sandwich.
- Mmm.
- Buy the restaurant.
[Bell jangles]
I'm here to apply for the job.
Oh, great.
Take a seat.
No. 
I mean sit down.
Oh, right.
Do you have any waiting experience?
I wait for the bus every day.
Have you ever waited tables?
Why would I wait for a table?
We're asking the questions here.
Why do you want this job?
- I like pizza.
- That's not good enough.
When you're in the weeds, and the pizzas are flying, and you're covered in tomato sauce, and you don't know if it's yours or your buddy's,
"I like pizza" will not cut it.
"I like pizza" just might get you killed.
Any questions?
I thought you were asking the questions.
Son, I like your moxie.
When can you start?
I'm dependable, hardworking, and a team player.
How would you handle a robbery?
- Pardon?
- Hypothetically.
You're working late, alone.
Suddenly, a masked intruder bursts in the door and shouts,
"this is a robbery." What do you do?
Let's just say I would handle the problem.
Excuse me.
I'm about to get a phone call.
[Bell dings]
Well, your resume seems fine, but I don't see any references.
This is a robbery.
You're hired.
[Sizzling]
Where's all the mozzarella?
Oh, sorry, Speedy, I used it all. 
I'm making pizza.
Ever heard of delivery?
I'm practicing.
I bought Girardi's.
You bought a restaurant?
Why, because it's your dream?
Because you want to be able to make something with your own two hands that gives so much pleasure to so many?
Or because you want to be surrounded by all this cheese?
No, because I want a place to hang out on Sunday nights.
Hang out?
You want a place to hang out, convert your garage.
Don't buy a restaurant.
Have you ever owned a restaurant?
- Nope.
- But you worked in a restaurant.
- Never.
- Well, surely, you've done a lot of research about being a restaurateur.
Uh, not really.
Well, don't worry.
You'll be ok, as long as you have a capable staff.
Which eye patch do you like better, this one?
Or this one?
Or both of them?
Oof! 
[Crashes]
Hope you got a backup plan.
We open the doors in 5 minutes.
Porky will be cashier, you and I will be out front dealing with the customers, and you two will be back here making pizza.
Any questions?
How do you make pizza?
[Sighs]
You just roll the dough...
Toss the dough...
Spread the sauce, sprinkle the cheese, and voila.
Got all that?
Huh?
Oh, sorry. 
I was writing down a dream I had last night.
You were in it.
You were in it.
You were not in it.
You were in it, but when you talked, you had a woman's voice.
Ooh! 
Did I sound pretty?
What do you think you're doing?
Making pizza.
Not anymore. 
I outrank you.
Step aside.
Ooh!
May I take your order?
Yeah.
We'll have a large pizza, half mushroom, half pepperoni.
And on the mushroom half, can we get extra sauce?
And on the pepperoni half, can we go light on the cheese?
You got it.
Do you need to write any of this down?
It's all up here.
- What's the order?
- I think "pizza."
[Dings]
Table 4 still hasn't gotten their pizza.
What's going on back here?
We're out of pizza dough.
- What?
- Where is my pizza?
You asked for cheese, I brought you cheese.
- What do we do?
- We improvise!
Cut those cardboard boxes into the shape of pizzas!
I deserve another medal for this.
[Both talk at once]
What seems to be the problem?
I ordered a cheese pizza, and he gave me a cup of cheese and an I.O.U.
We're having some problems with the crust.
I'll take care of it.
[Register dings]
Ooh! 
I like the sound of that.
Here's your refund.
Oh. 
Don't like the sound of that.
Why didn't you tell me that cardboard was flammable?
You're drunk with power.
[Gasps]
Excuse me.
I said, excuse me.
I know. 
The pizza's awful.
I'll take care of it.
I was just going to ask for a napkin.
But the pizza is terrible.
Insubordination!
[Both scream]
[Grunts]
I gave you a direct order!
You're not fit to lead!
[Both grunt]
He started it!
Are you all done with your pizza?
We never got our pizza.
Thanks for coming!
Tell your friends.
Ok. 
Who's up for Chinese?
All: 
I am!
Hunan palace, hunan palace, hunan palace.
Party of 3?
Right this way.
[Groans]
Do you want the good news or the bad news?
Give me the bad news.
The restaurant's a disaster.
At this rate, you'll be broke in a week.
What's the good news?
Hunan palace sent you a gift basket.
Ooh! 
Real Italian pepperoni.
[Grunting]
What?
? 
Behold the wizard ?
? 
beware his powers ?
? 
unspeakable powers ?
? 
under the gaze of the necromancer ?
? 
a silver staircase starts to rise ?
? 
people stand on it and marvel ?
? 
at the power shooting from his eyes ?
? 
cold food becomes ?
? 
hot again ?
? 
when his spell unfolds ?
? 
with a mere wave of his hand ?
? 
this hot dog will explode ?
? 
in the presence of the wizard ?
? 
traffic will stop at his whim ?
? 
he can cross the street no problem ?
? 
as the cars bow down in front of him ?
? 
channels on the tv change ?
? 
he's still in his chair ?
? 
then he pulls his magic wand ?
? 
and reclines in the air ?
By the dim light of the dream realm's black sun, the wizard climbs the frozen waterfall of voldrini in search of celestia, the guardian of infinite power...
When suddenly, a terrible garlon appears and attacks with ice!
But the wizard is undeterred.
The garlon roars and unleashes a most sinister wind.
But the wizard is undeterred.
The garlon summons the stones of prophynia, but the wizard is undeterred.
Calling upon the powers of the ancients, the wizard conjures a sacred fire and casts his foe into the molten maw of an insatiable gort.
Thanks, gort.
Ahh, celestia.
I think you're going to enjoy this.
The wizard stands on the precipice of ultimate power.
The gates open to reveal...
Ooh! 
How long was I asleep?
3 days.
You have a bed, you know.
I'm starving.
I got to get something to eat.
? 
Famished from his latest quest ?
? 
the wizard seeks a snack ?
? 
he sets sail for ecstasy ?
? 
at the quesadilla shack ?
? 
he is the wizard ?
? 
the mystical wizard ?
What was I thinking?
I don't know how to run a restaurant.
Girardi's needs a miracle, fast.
Hey, Speedy?
Que Paso?
I have a favor to ask you.
Yesterday was a little shaky.
We lost a lot of customers, and we lost a lot of morale.
But we're going to turn it around today.
Yeah!
Because we're not in the loser business-- we're in the pizza business.
- Oh, yeah!
- Pizza!
And like pizza dough, we'll rise to the occasion.
[All cheer]
We're going to work fast.
We're going to work smart.
And we're going to put each of you in a position where it will be impossible for you to fail.
Now, who's with me?
We are!
Then get in this pantry!
What are we supposed to do in here?
You're doing it!
I th1nk th4t w3nt pr3tty well.
Welcome to Girardi's.
May I take your order?
There's so many choices.
What would you recommend?
You?
You look feisty, like a beautiful tiger waiting to pounce.
You need a cheese with some bite.
Ooh?
Asagio.
And you, you have a wisdom about you, a wisdom that whispers,
"mushrooms."
Enjoy.
[Indistinct talking]
Turns out the secret to a successful restaurant-- a mouse.
Tell that to the health department.
[Laughs]
Hello?
[Bell dings and door shuts]
[Lock clicks] Hello?
Hello? 
Hello?
[Stammering] Want the good news or the bad news?
- The good news.
- Girardi's pizza is a hit.
Looks like you're going to be busy running a restaurant for years to come.
What's the matter?
I didn't want to be busy owning a restaurant.
I didn't want to be busy doing anything.
I just wanted a place to hang out.
So what's the bad news?
This whole time I've been eating pepperoni,
I've been eating me!
[Sobs]
[Grunting]
- Speedy.
- Ai!
You know, there's such a thing as knocking.
Come on.
I want to show you something.
What are we doing here?
Remember when you asked if it was my dream to own a restaurant?
- Yes.
- Well, it's not.
But I had a hunch it might be yours.
Pizzarriba!
Seсor Bunny!
I don't know what to say.
Just say you'll hold a table for us on Sunday nights.
[Hissing]
[Hissing]
[Wind howls] [Air hisses]
[Bell dinging]
[Squealing]
[Wind howling]
[Indistinct talking]
Now, this is more like it.
Hanging out at Girardi's-- I mean pizzarriba.
Carrot for you.
And plain cheese for you.
[Stammering] It's not easy being a pig.
[Chews]
Where's Daffy?
Speedy put him in charge of deliveries.
[Rumbling]
What's the address?
816 beach street.
[Whirring and beeping]
- What's the order?
- One large pepperoni pizza.
Deliver the pizza.
[Screams]
Roll out!

-There You demand is impossible.
-Why?
It is about a whole lot of money!
Frederick? 
Frederick! 
Come on!
Come on now! 
Fredrik ?
!
Call ambulance!
-If You want, we can get out of it.
-Your Fucking Judas.
But it costs. 
We must disappear.
I can not suddenly just jump in   and say good bye and quit.
"Good luck."
They would never accept it.
-Take You out, or so I leave you.
Do not worry.
Children are stronger than you think.
Not Kattis.
-Kattis ...
-What About him?
They operate him now.
He can do this.
-You're Bloody ...
No, not you.
But what is it?
That's nothing against you.
Health Stein Fredrik live!
And he will continue!
Why should I greet the?
Do I look him near us ...
-... 
I put Luke in him!
-Stein Has not this have to do!
-Not? 
Why is not he here, then?
He is on the way! 
He is home!
-As If he would have dared to do it.
-What did you say?
Stein has nothing with this to do, you hear?
We go now. 
I'll call you later.
Yes?
I have an offer here at Steinberg Antonsen.
-Well.
Can you write on here?
-Barry?
Yes, hi.
What the hell do you want?
-Damn. 
Bloody pollen.
This was fine. 
Look.
-Is It in real gold?
What? 
No, it's just glided.
No...
Gold is a soft material, it said.
Though not as soft, huh?
Stein, Stein, Stein ...
Did you really think Broman would not know this?
You shoot the two of us and believe that we not to understand who is behind?
-Not Entirely thought out, huh?
-No.
Who did the shooting?
-I do not know.
-Put On the water, please.
-No!
Ouch! 
Release! 
Let me be!
-Who Shot, did not you?
-Do not know!
Nope. 
Okay.
Release! 
No!
Who was it that shot?
I can not hear what you're saying.
What did you say? 
Keep?
Who was it that shot?
One more time. 
Who was it?
It was Frederick ...
Fredrik Ek?
The kind and nice Fredrik Ek?
You make yourself easy for yourself now.
He's dead.
He can not answer for this, right?
Whatever. 
The big question is:
Where are you stole from us?
Nope. 
Then we could say goodbye, then.
Will you answer?
Where are the goods?
-Marinan ... 
A boat ...
Thanks.
Oh. 
Should they be together?
Threes? 
Is that so?
Come on. 
I want to talk to you a little bit.
You saw what happened, huh?
When the police come, I think that you say exactly what you saw.
Yes, you remember you saw.
If late police start asking about other things   about us, about me and our family   then you should just say you do not know anything.
Okay? 
I sometimes ask the police about things they do not have to do.
Then it is best to just say:
"I do not know." Okay?
"I do not know."
The operations have gone well.
We have tried to limit the damage.
He is currently stable.
Currently?
He has extensive damage the right lung and in buken-
But because you stopped bleeding he should probably do this.
Everything looked normal out after the operation.
As soon as he perking up to you should probably come in and see him.
A little while anyway, as it looks now.
Thanks.
What the hell ...
I swear, I do not know what ...
Someone must have taken it.
Yeah, but who has taken it?
-Keep?
!
-I do not know! 
Frederick, perhaps.
It was here for only a couple of days ago, I was here myself.
-Lite Badsugen, perhaps?
-Stop Now, Barry ...
Look there, oh, oh, oh ...
Ouch...
You know Broman will keep you accountable. 
Then you pay depreciation
-varenda grams of 35 pounds.
You know what a gram costs.
This disappoints me.
Look. 
If you hit someone in the face, avoid teeth. 
People may have diseases.
Keep? 
Keep?
Dad! 
Daddy's home!
-Dad!
-Hello!
Hi. 
Have you harmed yourself?
-Aj, Carefully ... 
How is the situation?
-Good.
Where have you been?
You were supposed to fix lunch.
-What has happened?
-Sparring Against a guy at the gym.
-became This flattened?
No, I knocked him out.
And fifteen second Kung Fu Chinese who were there.
I took them all. 
Have!
Dad is strong. 
Check Bolibompa now.
-Have You been to the hospital?
-Not Long. 
It was not located.
-Yeah, And Frederick?
-No I do not know.
-You do not know?
-No I do not know. 
Where have you been?
Dad, now it begins.
-Okay. 
Look, it's the beginning.
He will soon jump and bounce up in the network.
Mother? 
Mom, the police are here.
-Sonja Ek? 
Emil Svensson police.
Where are the other somewhere?
I do not know where grandfather is.
The other is in the kiosk.
How's your husband?
They said that the operations went well.
It might not be the right time, but you have no idea who ...
No. 
Should we...?
I guess you know your husband's business?
We have a marina.
I was hoping that we could have do this in a simpler way.
So here it is: 
Your husband runs a large marijuana production since many annual
-together with your brother Niklas and Steinberg Antonsen.
I do not know what you're talking about.
We'd meet, I and Frederick.
He would give me a memory stick.
What can save your husband.
-How?
I can not go into it now.
But I want to look in your safes.
-Absolutely not.
The police are already there.
We have a search warrant.
Either you open it, or we take with us safe.
Is that a good idea that I go now?
-Listen to me.
I just want to help.
Your husband is really in trouble.
You can help him by cooperating with us.
You want to also find the who shot him? 
Right?
-What are you looking for?
-Rivjärnet.
-Hair.
-Thanks.
What the hell is going on really?
Was it you who did it?
-made What?
-Fredrik. 
Was it you who shot him?
Do you think so?
You said you would kill him at the wedding.
I was high as a house!
You get the hell stop that now!
It was a party.
-mm. 
You look like shit.
Linus? 
Linus?
Linus?
He is here.
-What are you doing?
-Playing fotball.
But it's not so fun alone.
Should we lira, then?
Mom wants us are in the waiting room.
-A Game, just. 
Come on.
We drive to twelve ...
So easy!
You need not go in if you are do not want. 
You can just give me the code.
They set everything back. 
I promise.
-Right.
Do you do so in the ATM too?
Take it easy now.
-Let me go!
-Nothing To tell me before I check?
-No.
Release her. 
It's not here.
It was like hell.
It's first editions.
Is it okay if I ...
No!
May I ask permission to switch on?
We're not done with the upstairs.
-But please...
Okay. 
But His follow up.
Should you come inside, right?
But what the hell, you were supposed to watch her!
Genuine!
It begins to look like sexual harassment.
Pardon.
Is it okay if I take a look?
Need a tampon, or?
-Can I go?
-Yes.
Thanks.
Excuse! 
I can give you a ride to the hospital if you want.
-Can I take my own car?
-Olle? 
Are we done with Sonja's car?
Yeah, I'm done!
-Certainly.
Why faked you?
I feigned not.
You faked. 
Yes.
You do not sweat.
No mydriasis.
The small spasms came.
Fredrik. 
You must stop thief read sexspalten in Nina's VeckoRevyn.
It is foolproof.
Not even Niklas or Stein knows everything.
This little gold edge we have agreed   has suddenly become eight years in prison, if you go there.
Twelve. 
I do not want to be dependent your dad anymore.
Three harvests, so we can be rid of him.
Twelve years?
The children's great when you come out.
It's not worth it.
A harvest.
Then strangle everything.
It is just that it's so fun to grow.
Do you know what the big deal is?
It is to harvest   just before the crystals turn brown like amber.
Use your green thumb to your wife instead, so she will not have to fake it.
Oh, oh, oh! 
Genuine!
Think of the disease is here.
-Pardon. 
Do not sleep you?
Where's your mother?
She stuck, but she comes back.
-Our Aunt is here.
-Yes.
Dad?
Is he awake?
-Yes, Come.
You must have been ...
just shocked.
You Nina, fine ...
-Gustav.
-Hi dad. 
Did it hurt?
-Not really.
-Nähä?
Keep?
Stop or I'll shoot!
-I...
-What are you doing here?
How's Fredrik?
-Stein! 
What are you doing here?
Fredrik hiding things here sometimes.
I just wanted to get away from it.
-Before The police come.
-Yeah?
I do not know what you think about me ...
But all of that at the wedding, I had zero track.
-Fredrik Is my best friend.
-Have You taken something from here?
-Tell Nothing to Kattis ...
-Stein! 
Have you taken something from here?
-No.
-Let's See your hands.
What?
What were you looking for?
-Our Dope.
Go away.
You have a new message.
Mom, where are you? 
Dad has awakened.
You have to come here as soon as you can.
Pardon.
-Dad?
-Now It is something that is wrong. 
Wait.
Something is strange.
-Wait...
-Dad? 
What is it?
-Dad?
Can we get help here?
We spoke to him just now.
Frederick? 
Ring anesthesia, retrieve crash cart now!
-Put Here now!
Dad, wake up!
We'll help you dad.
-Dad!
Can you tell us what happened?
Can you take over here?
Can you take over here?
Pull up the adrenaline.
I want a big entrance.
I shredding up.
Away from the bed. 
I shredding up.
Go ye.
No cardiac activity.
I suggest we finish.
Are you all agreed?
-mm ...
We failed to save his life.
I am terribly sorry. 
His injuries were so extensive, he could not.
I wish it was more I could do, but ...
We failed to save his life.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Wait a minute, y'all. 
Wait. 
I...
I am terribly sorry, but this is your husband's clothes.
Hello, my name is Sonja Nordin Ek.
I'll visit Niklas Nordin.
My sister.
Kids, then?
Why did not you come earlier?
Three weeks...
They will not let me go to the funeral.
It is hopeless.
I want to rid myself of everything.
Marina, bank accounts, the works.
It's not possible.
-Why not?
-Marinan Is part of the company.
-Put Down the firm, then.
-It's not possible.
-Why?
-I Must have something to live by.
I promise you. 
When I comes out again I'll fix everything.
I do so all will be well again.
-How The hell should ever be good again?
Right now, I need your help.
You can bookkeeping.
I want you to take care of my business so long as I'm in here.
-No.
-Yes.
-Because You are the only one I can trust.
But Stein, then?
Stein is not smart enough.
Thank you for continuing to be my dad.
Although I do not can hold your hand anymore.
Thank you for all the times you hugged about me when I felt bad.
And thanks to you is the coolest man I have ever met.
Thanks for that I had ... thanks ...
Thanks for the ...
"Thank you for that I had the immense fortunate enough to be your daughter. "
"Thanks for letting me tell if my dad for my children. "
You made my world amazing.
I hope you sail to the horizon now.
I love you dad. 
See you soon.
God, how nice it was.
-Take me away from here.
I stand here with you.
Is not Niklas here?
Sonja. 
He was my best friend.
Sorry.
I like cemeteries.
The tombstones, names, inscriptions ...
It's a kind of hobby I have.
-A Disturbed hobby, maybe.
May I...?
"Mark Fassby.
A beloved brother, father and son. "
"You are with the angels."
Did you know what Dad was doing?
No. 
He knew I did not was particularly interested.
Interested in what?
-It Has gone down again ...
-Kaka To the coffee?
-Yes thank you.
-Now Are not supposed to eat cakes ...
I thought you would say a few words.
No, Sonja did not want any speeches.
-Nähä ...
Yes, this is Clara.
-Your Precursor. 
But you know it well?
-Yes please...
-But There was no in between.
It is I who am the widow mother.
-I'm sorry for your loss.
Can not you go and fix a coffee to me?
Of course...
What was your name again, did you?
-Felicia.
-Felicia ...
-What A cute little name.
-Thanks.
-Well.
-Hello.
Thanks.
You show up all over the place, you.
Stalkar me?
Yes.
-Are you worried?
-Yes.
Did you know him? 
He who died.
Yes ... or ...
Maybe not, really.
I hate funerals.
He was my dad.
-Pardon. 
Condolences.
-Thanks.
Hi. 
I ran to the chapel first, but they said that you had already gone home.
It only takes a second.
What is it which does not wait for tomorrow?
Sorry, but the hospital has committed a serious error.
We would have had to examine your husband stuff before you got them back.
That said: 
I am sorry, but I need your husband's things.
I have thrown them?
What? 
When?
Yes, in the beginning of the week.
On Monday, I think ...
Why the hell threw them ?
!
The shoes was completely soaked in blood.
The clothes also.
Not much to save to memory.
Picking you up after you?
Let go there. 
Let go, so I agree.
Call ambulance !
-So, Baby.
-Majoren ...
What?
-Majoren Must know.

Adam: 
The toys crazy in the 80's.
G.I. Joe, Laser Tag, Rubik's Cube,
Transformers, Care Bears.
But the mother of them all were the Cabbage Patch Kids...
Chubby-cheeked balls of cuteness you could adopt as your very own.
And I got mine in a most unusual way.
In my hand,
I hold your final exam for health class...
The reality of parenting.
Wow. 
How many of these do you own?
You know, I'm not married, and I'm severely allergic to cat and dog dander, so I guess you could say these are like my children.
Ha!
That's a joke.
I'm fine.
Okay.
So, for this assignment, you are going to pair up and you're going to tend to the child as if it's a real baby.
And every 30 minutes, you're gonna spin the wheel and do the assigned chore...
Feeding, burping, diapering.
You get it... the things that married couples do.
Or... so I've seen from my three married younger sisters.
Okay, partner up.
Dana Isabelle Caldwell, will you be the mother of my cabbage?
I don't know. 
I don't want this to make things weird between us.
Trust me... a baby only makes things better.
It's like the old saying...
"If your relationship sucks, a baby will fix it."
Okay, so, maybe I was way off about that, but I did know that this project was the perfect way for me to get closer to Dana.
Welcome to our tree home, my dear.
I've already put down the baby and whipped us up some supper.
Aww. 
Smurf ravioli...
My favorite.
Well, only the best for my girl Dana and our little angel, Ripley.
Ripley?
It's a classic girl's name.
Also happens to be sigourney Weaver's badass character in "Aliens."
How about one that'll make us both happy?
Leia.
Leia Delorean Goldberg!
I love it!
Snuggle boo-boo!
Dinner's ready!
What is all this?
Health class. 
We got to care for a pretend baby.
Oh, I'm finally a grandma, huh?
[Laughs]
Well, move over.
Isn't this fun?
Come on.
Let me hold her.
Actually, um, we're not supposed to get any outside help with Leia.
"Leia"?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
That's so boring and plain.
What about "Myrna," after your great-grandma?
Um, maybe.
Yeah, I mean, I-it was a name in progress...
Was it?
Everyone agrees.
Myrna it is.
Okay, I get how this works.
We spin the thing and do the thingy.
[Gasps] ♪ Baby's got poo-poos ♪
Let me change her.
Actually, we're good.
Thanks.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Well, uh, I'm gonna go check in on your father.
I'm sure he still needs me.
As usual, my smother had jammed herself into my life and made it real awkward real quick.
I had to do some epic damage control... and fast.
How about a toast to the world's greatest mom?
Somebody call me?
No?
Okay.
[Chuckles]
♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪
♪ but nonetheless I feel the need to say ♪
The Goldbergs - 02x15 Happy Mom, Happy Life
♪ I don't know the future ♪
♪ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪
It was March 10th, 1980-something, and Barry was chilling with his best and only friends, the Jenkintown Posse...
Also known as the JTP.
All right, batter up.
I got, uh, an egg, a grapefruit, and a light bulb.
Grapefruit! 
Let's go, baby!
Come on! 
Game on.
All: [Chanting] Smash ball! 
Smash ball!
Smash ball!
[All screaming]
Dude, the citrus is burning my eyes!
- I can't see!
- That's awesome!
Barry Goldberg, king of smash ball and king of the JTP!
All: 
JTP!
[All cheering]
This was fun.
See ya.
- Wai... what?
- What?
You just got here, man.
You said tonight was gonna be legendary.
Sorry, guys.
I made plans with my special lady.
What happened to you, bro?
Since that girl came into your life, it's like we don't even exist, man.
Yeah, dude.
It's time you made a choice.
It's either us or the super-hot, popular girl that you make out with.
Her. 100% her.
[Sighs]
Lainey?
! 
You're here?
!
I've been calling your house for the last two hours!
We have to get ready for Anthony Balsamo's party.
God, I'm so sorry, Erica.
I totally forgot.
Me 'N' Bar decided we were gonna stay in and have a romantic evening together.
I've been holding in a fart this whole time.
Aww.
Well, I can't just go to the party by myself.
That's pathetic.
It is pathetic.
Invite her to watch with us.
I'd rather not.
I find she sucks.
I can hear you.
And you suck.
Lainey, next Friday we're hanging out. 
No excuses.
Oooh, my girl's gonna be busy that night.
Tickets to the Heart concert?
!
No way! 
Lainey and I have been talking about going for months!
Which is how I knew it'd score me major points to get us tickets.
I can't believe you pulled this off.
You are the best!
Oh, my God.
What is that smell?
Hey, guys?
Things have been kind of weird with Dana.
Thought I should ask you about it.
Sure thing, kiddo.
[TV shuts off] Happy to help.
And I, also, am here.
Why is Dana super-pissed at me for siding with mom over her when it comes to raising kids?
You never side with your mother over your lady, you moron.
Pack up your toys and move to another town.
The life you've built here is over.
But it's like what mom always says...
"Happy mom, happy life."
No! 
The phrase is "happy wife, happy life."
It rhymes!
I thought "happy mom, happy life" was clunky!
I'm such a putz!
[Doorbell rings]
Ohh, it's Dana.
What do I tell her?
That she's calling the shots in your relationship.
You hear me?
Now, tell her, damn you!
Hey.
It's getting late, so we should feed [Sighs] Myrna.
Actually, I've been thinking.
Let's go with Leia...
The name you want.
Really?
What about your mom?
Hey, this is your cabbage patch, and I completely and fully support your decisions on all matters.
Thank you.
I mean, I totally appreciate your mom wanting to help, but she needs to know it's our project.
- Exactly.
- So you'll let her know?
- Know what, now?
- You know, to stay out of it.
Set some boundaries.
Boundaries? 
Whoa.
Uh, you know my mom.
That's a big ask.
I...
Guess I could talk to her.
You know what? 
Yeah.
That's perfect.
She's in the kitchen right now.
I not only took their advice, I hit it out of the park.
Are you nuts?
You never let your mother and your wife hash things out with each other.
You got to be the buffer.
Otherwise, it spirals into chaos.
Okay, you guys need to tell me this great advice before I fudge the bed!
While I was running off to save my relationship, the JTP was still mourning the loss of Barry Goldberg.
Dudes, it's Barry's bananas hot sister.
Okay, be cool.
Let the ladies' man handle this.
[Clears throat]
Hey!
I'm panicking.
Someone take over.
Uh...
Greetings, M'lady.
Uh, what doth bring thou to our domain?
So, this is where you guys hang out all the time, huh?
What do you do here?
Do you want to play smash ball with us?
I really don't.
Together: [Chanting] Smash ball. 
Smash ball.
Smash ball! 
Smash ball!
Smash ball! 
Smash ball!
Okay! 
Okay!
Stop saying "smash ball."
Fine. 
I'll play your weird game.
[Laughs] Whoo!
Okay. 
In there.
Not gonna touch you.
It's over there.
Okay.
- And then...
- Lettuce.
Got it. 
All right.
Um, okay.
Let's go. 
Let's go.
All: 
Ohhh!
[Laughter]
And just like that,
Erica swung her way into the hearts of the JTP.
Ohh!
Ohh!
[All grunting]
[Laughter]
Big E!
Yes!
Whoo!
So, you guys going to Anthony Balsamo's party?
Hell yeah!
Par-tay!
Balsamo!
So, you guys don't know about it, then?
- No, what's... where is that?
No, we don't.
Balsamo.
Well, I guess you guys can tag along...
If you don't act weird and Naked Rob doesn't get naked.
Dat's cool.
I only get naked around dudes.
After a surprisingly fun night with Barry's friends, my sister formulated a plan to reclaim her friend from Barry.
- Yo, Big E!
- Over here!
Rob: 
Oh, dude, she's coming over.
What the hell is she doing?
Looks like she joined the JTP.
JTP!
JTP! 
JTP! 
JTP!
No. 
No way!
You can't say "JTP" unless you're in the JTP.
Which is why she said it.
And you're out, bro.
We got a new leader...
One who actually gets us into cool parties.
Wait... you took them to Anthony Balsamo's party?
You were too busy running your hands over Barry's Lumpy Melon.
Nice burn, Big E.
You can't call her "Big E."
That's way too close to "Big Tasteee."
It'll cause marketplace confusion!
I'm sorry, Bar, but it looks like Big E's in charge now.
JTP out.
- JTP out! 
JTP out!
- JTP out!
JTP out.
Aw, sweetie.
You're not allowed to say that anymore.
I thought raising a fake baby with Dana would bring us together, but it was only pushing apart.
Hey. 
You would not believe the day I've had.
Don't care.
Just take her.
Whoa, whoa.
What's this?
At least let me walk through the door.
I've been here dealing with the baby all by myself.
This assignment's impossible.
Where were you?
Out mowing lawns.
You know... my job.
Nice try. 
I called Mrs. Bales.
That ended two hours ago.
I went to the Arcade to blow off steam with some buddies.
And why are you even checking up on me?
I played one game and left.
One game? 
Please.
I smell pizza on your breath.
It's not my fault.
I didn't even ask for this kid!
[Gasps]
Okay.
This is super-weird.
Maybe we should just take a break from all of this and... and go to a movie or something.
Just us... no baby.
We can get a sitter.
And so we did get a sitter...
A man who had been sitting on his ass for as long as I could remember.
Unfortunately, my mom wasn't one to sit on the sidelines of any situation.
What's that?
What's what?
The little foot sticking out.
Just Adam's baby.
I'm using it for lumbar support.
Did they entrust the baby to you over me?
Over me?
Ow!
Ow!
You do know none of this is real?
Oh, it's real.
Don't you get it?
This is how Adam is gonna treat me when I really am a bubble.
I'm gonna prove to him that I'm the best grandma ever.
"Grandma," "gam-gam," "bubble"...
Didn't matter what she went by.
My mom was determined to be the best.
She changed the toy.
She fed it.
She even took it to the park.
Ohh!
Your baby's so cute.
Aww.
And yours is...
Oh, boy.
Thank you.
Yep.
My mom was on her way to helping us get an "A" on this assignment...
Until a dog mistook the baby for a chew toy.
My baby.
Somebody stole my baby!
Well, not real baby...
Fake baby. 
It's a toy.
Somebody stole my toy!
I'm gonna get attitude from my son's pretend wife!
Can someone call the police?
Or toys "R" us?
I don't [Bleep] know anymore!
As my mom was realizing she had to figure out how to replace our little angel,
Barry was learning just how replaceable he was.
No way.
"Brian's Song"?
!
That's our secret guy-cry movie!
Beat it, Bar.
This is just JTP.
- JTP.
- JTP. 
JTP.
Get over here.
Get over here.
You can't just use my friends as pawns in your sick game.
You can have your precious JTP back anytime you want.
Just stop hanging out with Lainey.
Your move.
But, unfortunately for Erica, the next move was not Barry's.
Gah!
What are you...
I came for a root beer, too.
It's crazy how we had the same idea.
It's like...
It's like fate, right?
Here, let me... ♪ Till now, I always got by on my own ♪
♪ I never really cared until I met you ♪
What?
[Music stops]
We should probably get back to the movie.
Everyone's probably wondering where we are.
We've been gone three minutes.
It feels like forever.
[Sighs]
Such a beautiful movie about friendship and football and...
I'll get you a... ♪ Till now, I always got by... ♪
Wow.
We both went for the...
What are the odds?
It's crazy, right?
What's happening?
You tell me.
♪ ...
Chills me to the bone ♪
[Music stops] I'm just gonna go sit over here.
♪ Till now ♪
- ♪ I always got by ♪ 
- I'm sorry. 
Are... are you okay?
♪ On my own ♪
- ♪ I never really cared ♪ 
- For the first time in a long time,
- ♪ Until I met you ♪ 
- I think I'm gonna be just fine.
♪ And now it chills me to the... ♪
[Music stops] Um, guys, take a seat for me.
[Sighs]
To be clear, we're all just friends here, right?
- Just friends. 
Amigos.
- I love you.
Okay, I'm just gonna leave my own house now.
Across town, my mom was desperate to save my grade and her reputation as a bubble, but cabbage patch kids were in such high demand that her only chance was to turn to the black market.
Hey.
You Rick?
Shh!
No names, all right?
Just be cool.
What do you need?
I got Glo Worm, I got Voltron,
I got Koosa, I got my Little Pony.
Oh. 
I also have the strongest heroine in the world.
What?
!
She-ra, Princess of Power.
There's no stronger heroine out there.
I need a cabbage patch kid.
Female, red yarny hair, blue eyes.
You got expensive taste, girl.
[Chuckles]
CPKS are sold out across the country.
It's gonna cost ya.
[Gasps] Yes.
That's what bubble needs.
How much for that one?
For a pretty lady like you,
I suppose I could let one go for 3 large.
$3,000?
!
Is that...
What "large" is?
I meant $300.
Well, that's still ridiculous.
As my mom was trying to negotiate the best possible price, we were about to pay the price for not getting a real babysitter.
Hey, dad, how'd it go?
Really, really bad.
Mom...
Shhh!
Baby's sleeping.
Just kidding. 
Her eyes are wide open all the time.
But don't worry.
We had a great day.
And I did everything the spinner said.
I'd say I proved I'm an excellent bubble.
Excellent how?
Adam, look at it.
Oh! 
Balls!
- This is a fake.
- What did you do, mom?
Okay, there are some ugly accusations flying about, and if that's not Myrna, then I have failed as a grandmother.
Read the label.
"Lettuce crop child."
[Chuckles] That is unfortunate.
You know what?
You two should just finish this project together.
[Scoffs]
Wait! 
don't go!
I can't be a single dad!
Oh, you'll never be single as long as you have me, schmoopie.
[Heart's "Alone" plays]
♪ Till now, I always got by on my own ♪
Geoff, what are you doing?
!
It's from "Say Anything..."
That's how your dorky little brother got a hot girl way out of his league.
That's not even the right song!
To be honest, I never saw the movie.
Stop "Say Anything..." 
-Ing me and go home.
["Alone" plays on boombox] Erica Goldberg, leader of the JTP,
I proclaim my love...
What the hell, Geoff?
!
Get lost, pal!
I called her first!
Uh, no. 
No one called me.
I'm not callable.
[Tejano music plays] Erica Goldberg!
Listen to this sweet song and know my heart is...
Dude, you took my boombox?
Relax. 
I just needed it for tonight.
Yeah, well, so did I!
I had to borrow my uncle's cheap-ass radio, and it's stuck on Tejano music.
Okay, both of you shut up, because she's mine!
Stop it!
That's not true!
She's mine!
That's not true!
No! 
Stop it!
None of you will win me!
You have to...
Oh, my God! 
Naked Rob is naked under that coat!
I wanted you to be the first girl to see me naked!
[Blinds close]
Barry: 
Well, well.
Looks like the worm is on the other foot.
Help me!
Please make it stop!
Messing with those poor goobers to break us up is so not cool.
What was I supposed to do?
I get it.
You two make each other happy.
But I didn't know that meant I'd lose you and be left all alone.
[Sighs]
Seriously?
Does this look like a cabbage patch kid to you?
Okay, this is a cabbage patch kid.
Aww.
This looks like something in a horror movie where the doll comes alive and terrorizes a lakeside town.
Look, it's not Dana's fault.
Please don't fail her.
Fail me.
No, it's my fault.
If you're gonna fail anyone, fail me.
I can't... fail you, Mrs. Goldberg. 
You're an adult.
Also, why are you here?
Yeah, Adam.
Why is she here?
I'm just trying to help, like any good bubble would.
A good bubble doesn't lose her grandchild.
I heard that.
Bubbies hear everything.
Enough! 
Gah!
Mom, I know you mean well, but all you've done is screw things up for me and Dana.
Look, I don't know when I'll have a family, and I don't know who it'll be with.
I-I-it could be Dana.
It could be Molly Ringwald.
All I know is that when I do get married, you're gonna need to butt out.
Okay, but I...
No "buts"...
Except for yours butting out.
Thanks for coming.
I'm sure you're all wondering why I brought you here.
You're gonna choose which one of us you'll take as your lover.
Ew! 
God, no!
I'm doing the complete opposite of that.
I'm resigning as leader of the JTP.
JTP! 
JTP! 
JTP!
Did you even hear what I said?
I'm out! 
No more JTP!
JTP! 
JTP! 
JTP!
God!
Allow me.
Here's the deal, fellas.
You're all so insanely awesome that Erica loves you all equally, okay?
For her to choose one of you would literally break her brain in half, sending her into a coma forever.
- Oh. 
That makes sense.
- Mm-hmm. 
Yeah.
Her only real option is to step down so I can resume my role as leader and God of the JTP.
JTP. 
JTP. 
JTP. 
JTP.
Here.
Your Hearts tickets?
Seriously?
Think I'm gonna hang with my boys that night.
I suggest you hang with your girl.
- Want to?
- Yes!
[Chuckles]
♪ But the secret is still my own ♪
It was one of those major life lessons
Barry and Erica had to learn the hard way.
Sometimes, you'll find that special someone who changes everything, but having your best friends there to cheer you on is what the game is all about.
♪ Till now ♪
♪ I always got by on my own ♪ 
- Ohh! 
Ohh! 
Ohh!
[Indistinct talking]
Miss Taraborelli:
Mr. Goldberg, a moment please.
- I've changed my mind on your grade.
- Really?
You know, the point of the project was to learn what it's like to be a real parent.
Changing diapers...
Oh, that's easy.
Protecting your lady from her nightmare in-laws?
Whew. 
That's an "A."
♪ How do I get you alone? 
♪
Dana.
What's all this?
A thank-you for standing up for me...
And an apology for how weird things got.
It got quite weird.
But I give you my word...
From now on, I'm gonna make sure my mom stays as far away from us as possible.
Actually, your mom's not so bad.
She's the one who invited me over and helped me with all this.
In the end, my mom stopped worrying about being the best bubble and just focused on being my awesome mom.
[Sighs]
Oh, God, Mur.
Butting out is so hard.
Yeah, but look at him.
He's having so much fun.
Doesn't that make you happy?
♪ I never really cared until I met you ♪
Damn it, it does.
[Chuckles]
That's good for me.
Happy wife, happy life.
♪ How do I get you alone? 
♪
That's the thing about being a parent...
It's tough, and it doesn't come with a spinner and instructions.
You learn as you go.
But seeing the smile on my face that night gave my mom a new saying...
"Happy kids, happy life."
["Alone" fades]
Ahh. 
Back for more?
I came to return this shoddy knock-off.
You bought a bootleg toy out of a trunk.
All sales are final.
Well, at least let me trade it for this.
♪ Till now, I always got by on my own ♪
♪ I never really cared until I met you ♪
Wow, it's crazy how two people can reach into a trunk and their fingers just... kind of meet, you know?
[Music stops] I'm gonna take this as a lesson never to buy toys from a man's trunk behind a warehouse.
[Thud]
I also sell a lifetime of devotion and tenderness.
[Ding!
]

Anyone who has a big brother will tell you that quality time together looks like this.
But my brother, Barry, took it to another level.
Atomic elbow drop!
Come here!
Most big brothers were content with wedgies and noogies,
Nooooo! 
But not mine.
There was the butt hat...
Oh! 
Look... your new hat fits perfectly.
The waffle belly...
Smells like home cooking.
Why are you like this?
!
We're gonna get some waffles.
And the one I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy... the jock-xygen mask.
Yeah. 
Breathe it in.
And like any tormenter, Barry fell in love with a show
That made bitting people up an art form.
Ooooooh
That hurt. 
That hurt.
What are you watching?
"American Gladiators."
It mixes showbiz, patriotism, and spandex for a trifecta of viewing pleasure.
They pit grossly muscular warriors with cartoonish names against accountants and dental hygienists in feats of strength.
Wow... so many new and creative ways for people to hurt each other.
And Barry wasted no time using those new and creative ways to hurt someone... me.
Why?
!
You've been gladiated.
That's not even a word!
Whoo!
Yep, Barry didn't just watch "Gladiators "... he lived it.
When he'd hang out with the Jenkintown posse, it's all they talked about.
Whoo! 
Ohh!
Goldberg! 
Reigning champion of powerball.
You destroyed that food! 
Yeah!
And scratched my retina.
I'm unstoppable. 
I own this parking lot.
Sure do, bro.
Ohhhh, crap.
It was the Meadowbrook mafia, a rival wannabe posse from the next town over.
The Meadowbrook a.
Those guys are crazy.
Yo, I know their leader.
He got kicked out of my tennis camp for disruptive behavior.
Look who it is... the jenkinturd posse.
Shut up, Bradley. 
You know it's "Jenkintown."
Hey, why don't you take your ice cream and go back to that stupid friendly's parking lot you always hang out at?
Can't... it got converted to a daycare center, and they don't take too kindly to loiterers.
That means we got to kick your lame crew out of here.
Lame?
!
We got madman Schwartz, naked rob, and the original ladies' man, Andy Cogan.
Hide your sisters, boys.
But, truth be told, I respect women.
You got nothing on my crew.
We got psycho Mikowitz, diagnosed with mild depression.
It's a constant numbness, yo.
That's Josh Millstein-Chang.
Yes... of Millstein-Chang Toyota.
And Subaru.
And that's Dumb Doug.
Don't be fooled. 
It's an ironic nickname.
Brandeis early admission, Holmes!
So beat it or eat it.
Hey.
Everyone knows that the JTP territory runs from this wawa all the way down to that weird church.
Not anymore.
Boop!
Ooh! 
Sweet treat to the face!
Come on, Barry. 
Do something.
Don't take that, man. 
Go. 
Come on.
That's what I thought.
For the first time in his life,
Barry was faced with an opponent that he couldn't defeat with a butt hat or a waffle belly.
Let's go, boys.
He booped me.
He booped an ice-cream cone on my nose, and I just stood there and took it.
There's no coming back from that.
Oh, yes, there is.
Back in the army, I was a welterweight boxer.
Now, I can teach you everything I know, but it's gonna take a lot of hard work and... enough!
But Barry didn't like hard work.
He liked stupid, convoluted plans.
There's only one logical thing to do.
I will become nationally known as television's greatest warrior, and that parking lot will be mine.
I thought we were gonna do a whole thing together.
We are not.
Adam!
Whatever it is, no.
Now, go get your nerdy video camera.
I got to make myself an audition tape.
Why would I help you?
All you do is make my life a living hell.
If you don't help me, it'll get a lot worse.
Mark my words.
There'll be no butt un-wedgied, no Willy un-wetted, and no nurple un-purpled.
It'll be a 24-hour-a-day, full-body beat down.
Fine. 
I'll do it.
Yes!
Time to get pumped!
Celebratory butt hat!
No!
This is not a celebration!
It was November 2, 1980-something, and the presidential election between Reagan and Mondale was heating up.
But the real debate was in our living room.
Everything you're saying is wrong!
There's only one choice, and it's Mondale.
That nerd can't compete with Reagan.
Reagan likes jelly beans.
He's got the hair of a Greek God.
What's not to like?
Well, I care about the issues.
There's only one issue that matters in this race, and that's taxes.
Mondale specifically said he would raise them.
That's all you care about... taxes?
Yes!
Why do you think we had Adam? 
He was a write-off.
Murray, change the channel. "T.J. Hooker's" on.
Mom, we're talking about important issues right now.
Who are you gonna vote for?
Murray, who am I gonna vote for?
- Reagan.
- Reagan.
Mom, you can't just blindly follow what Dad says.
Your father makes me a little cheat sheet.
What do you call it, Mur?
"Murray's picks." "Murray's picks."
How do you not care about the world at all?
What are you doing trying to rile up your mother?
What's wrong?
You afraid I'm gonna make mom a free thinker and inspire her to go make a real difference?
Yes!
Whenever she gets passionate about something, she makes me do stuff.
And the last thing I want to do in life... stuff.
Mom, this affects all of us.
Mondale's vice president will be Geraldine Ferraro... a woman in the White House.
Oh, wow. 
Amazing.
It really is.
I mean, that Heather Locklear sure has a way with a feather brush.
Her hair doesn't even move when she kicks a gang member.
While Erica was trying to educate my mom about the outside world, my delusional brother was ready to show the universe just how tough he really was.
Okay. 
Now it's time for me to demonstrate my superiority in all the official "American gladiator" events.
Roll camera.
Go ahead... take a whack at my face.
Wait.
You want me to hit you, and you won't hit back?
Oh, no.
I will stand here like a steel mountain.
After a lifetime of taking Barry beatings, it was finally my turn to dish it out.
Stop! 
Ow!
That's too much! 
Ow!
I'm biting my tongue!
Ow!
Right in the ear hole! 
Time out!
Years of bottled-up anger came flooding out, and it felt amazing!
Next up... the assault.
Aah!
I wasn't ready!
You think Nitro's gonna wait till you're ready?
Now dance!
Hold fire!
Stop! 
Ow!
That hurts!
Stop!
Ohh!
Stop! 
Hold fire!
Ow!
I now give you the human cannonball.
Let's do this!
3... 2... 1.
Aaaaaaah!
Ohh!
Did you at least get the shot?
Ohh! 
The lens cap was on.
We should go again.
Read it.
It's everything you need to know about the election.
Or I could do something meaningful and bake my special double-marshmallow fudgy nut butterscotch bars.
No. 
There's a whole world outside of this house.
Don't you want to make it a better place for your children and grandchildren?
Ohh! 
You're gonna give me grandbabies! 
Ohh.
You're not pregnant now?
No! 
Mom, focus. 
You need to get political.
This is exactly why I joined the politics club and signed up for the mock debate.
I thought you said the kids in that club were disturbing to the senses.
Yeah. 
That club's like God's junk drawer.
Point is, my stock at school is plummeting, and I don't even care.
That's how much this matters.
So please... just give it a read.
All right, all right.
If it means that much to you, I'll give it a look.
All Erica wanted to do was teach my mom that politics could change the world.
Unfortunately, Beverly Goldberg was a much more eager student than Erica expected.
Oh, my God! 
What?
!
Schmoo, there is a woman who's gonna change the course of our nation, and I need to get behind her.
Geraldine Ferraro?
Nancy Reagan! 
Say what, now?
I mean, she is a real spitfire with a killer fashion sense.
You know, not everyone can pull off a red skirt suit like us.
Forget the suit.
What about the actual politician... 
Geraldine Ferraro?
Oh, that woman with the awful bowl cut? 
Blech!
Don't you "blech" her.
It's not about her hair.
It's about her issues.
Well, her number-one issue should be that hair.
Her hair is fine!
I agree it's not great, but it's fine!
Nancy is just like me.
She calls all the shots.
She loves kids. 
She hates crack rock.
She even has her own anti-drug campaign...
"Just say no."
"Just say no"?
!
"Just say no."
I didn't know it was that easy.
Let me just call Betty Ford and tell her to shut the clinic down.
I think I'm gonna go down to the local campaign office and start handing out "just say no" t-shirts.
I cannot thank you enough for opening my eyes to this, Erica.
I hate drugs so [Bleep] much!
But I love you.
Erica had lit a spark in my mom, and it was about to spread like wildfire.
Hello, and welcome to the mock presidential debate.
You suck!
Mike Safris is Reagan.
Erica Goldberg is Miss Walter Mondale.
But before we begin, we have a special guest who has forced me to allow her to speak on behalf of our first lady...
Mrs. Goldberg.
Oh, sweet dear lord in heaven, no.
Look at me, Boopie. 
I'm all political.
That's right... in the world's most misguided attempt to make Erica proud, my mom had gotten politically active.
Set it up like we rehearsed.
Way, way too active.
Hello, teens.
I'd like to speak to you about Nancy Reagan's "just say no" campaign through a little role-playing scenario that I wrote myself.
Hi, popular football player.
I'm a local tough who slings dope cigarettes outside this very high school.
Would you like drugs?
What will I do?
My teenage mind is soft and easily persuaded by peer pressure and the need to fit in.
For the next 35 minutes, my mom passionately inhabited the role of spider the drug pusher in what became the most embarrassing moment of my sister's life.
Be cool, Homey.
I've got booger sugar, goofballs, poppers, uppers, downers, ludes, wammers, and jammers.
What do you say, impressionable teenager?
Let's chase the dragon.
No. 
I just say no to drugs.
And scene.
Vote Reagan, everyone.
Wow.
Well, thank you very much for that, Mrs. Goldberg.
Unfortunately, uh, we no longer have time for our debate.
What?
!
Yep... 
Erica realized our dad was right.
You never, ever encourage Beverly Goldberg.
After the debate,
Erica thought my mom was done with her war on drugs.
Unfortunately, she was just getting started.
Again, nothing.
We have some books, lacrosse sticks, scissors, glue.
You sad, naive man.
What's this, Keith Richards?
You gonna sniff it so you can trip out?
Would that work?
Mom, what are you doing?
Locker searches? 
Are you kidding me?
The whole school is calling me a narc.
"Narc" is just another word for "hero."
I'm getting involved, just like you said.
I just love politics.
This has nothing to do with politics.
Nancy Reagan isn't running for president.
She's just a clueless housewife, like you.
Now, stop ruining my life and go home!
I think she's on the glue stick.
Erica was desperately trying to crush my mom's enthusiasm.
Be careful with that tape.
It's gonna make my brother famous.
Meanwhile, I was sending off a package that would crush Barry's dreams.
I hate to break it to you, but I saw that tape.
I-I don't think it shows your brother in the best light.
Don't worry.
It'll get Barry on America's greatest TV show.
Just not the one you'd think.
We will show no clip before its time.
It's time.
Ohh!
That happy father got punched in the pistachios by a toddler for no reason!
This show changes everything I know about funny.
Are you sure about this?
I mean, you already got to beat Barry up in the backyard all afternoon.
Do you really need to humiliate him on national TV?
One afternoon of hitting him with a stick doesn't make up for a lifetime of waffle bellies and butt hats.
By tomorrow, Barry's bruises will have healed, but revenge like this stays forever.
But at what price?
10 grand if I win.
Yo! 
Ad rock!
How's editing going?
Did you add in those fireballs and karate-chop sound effects like I asked?
Oh, yeah!
It was so good, I already shipped it off.
Without even showing it to me first?
I didn't have a choice.
The deadline was tomorrow.
Way to think ahead, man!
Once I get on "American gladiators,"
the meadowbrook mafia will bow down to my awesomeness and be forced to give us our parking lot back.
Sounds like an airtight plan.
I know I don't say this a lot, but... 
You really are a good brother.
You really don't need to thank me.
That's why I decided to get you a little something.
Here.
That's the first day we ever met.
Mom and Dad said they were bring to me a gift back from the hospital, and it turned out to be you.
You were the greatest gift I ever got.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.
That's too nice for the circumstances.
I'm gonna go hang out by the phone and wait for the gladiators to call.
You're the best, ad rock.
We need to get that tape back.
While I was determined to right my wrong, my mom was determined to show Erica she was anything but a clueless housewife.
My God!
What horrible thing is happening in my house right now?
Something glorious.
Your mother is going to single-handedly get the gipper re-elected.
You can't get Reagan re-elected just to spite me.
Oh, I can, and I will.
I will change the course of history just to show you how clue-ful I am.
So you'd turn this great country into a nightmarish hellscape just to prove a point?
Oh, yes.
But it will be a magical land where president Reagan gives every American free jelly beans, a world where sons just say no to drugs and daughters say yes to respecting their mothers.
You know, for the last two years, all I've cared about is boys and clothes and what my friends think.
And for once, I got excited about something real.
I thought that I could make a difference and get people to see the world like I do.
But you've proved that I can't even do that with my own mom.
So... 
Thanks for ruining the only thing I've cared about in a long time.
While my mom had realized just how much she hurt Erica,
I was hoping Pops could help me from hurting Barry.
Oh, thank God.
How did it go at the post office?
Did you seduce the mail lady with your charms?
She was built like a steamer trunk.
I'm not going out that way, kid.
What am I gonna do?
I've called Bob Saget a hundred times.
His people are icing me out.
I hate to say it, but I think you're gonna have to bite the bullet and tell Barry what you did.
I can't do that.
He's your brother. 
He'll understand.
I will murder your face!
Relax! 
There's no way Bob Saget will pick your tape.
All you did was get relentlessly hit in the nose, head, face, testicles... oh, God. 
He is gonna pick it.
That's it! 
You are no longer my favorite gift!
Aw, don't say that.
That honor now goes to the stilts I got for my birthday.
I can't believe you did this to me.
What did you expect?
I was sick of getting dead-legged and my belly waffled.
It really hurts.
And my skin doesn't bounce back the way it once did.
But beating you up is our thing!
How is violence upon me our thing?
That's how we bond!
What else am I supposed to do? 
Give you a hug?
Yes! 
A hug would be nice!
A hug would feel good on my body!
Nipple cripples are my way of showing you love, okay?
It's how I hug you.
But after this, I'm never beating you up again!
Oh, come on.
You don't mean that.
- Give me a nipple cripple.
- Never!
You'll never feel the painful sting of my touch again.
Now, leave my room quietly and safely.
And please... watch your fingers!
Barry would never forgive me for making a hilarious mockery of his "gladiator" audition, but I had a way to change that.
What do you want?
Hey.
I know you're mad, and you deserve to be.
But there's something you need to see.
Force! 
Force! 
Force! 
Yeah!
Pain! 
Pain! 
Pain! 
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
No tennis ball can hurt me!
Bring it!
Aah!
I feel nothing!
Look how tough you are, man.
If you can take an ass-kicking like this,
I know you can take a hundred ice-cream boops from those meadowbrook punks.
You think one video's gonna change the way I feel about you?
No.
But you need to know how I feel about you.
You're the gift.
I could have ended up with any brother in the world, but mine is loud and tough and emotionally unstable.
But I wouldn't have it any other way.
Get the JTP on the horn.
We got a wawa to conquer.
Good heelwork, Millstein-Chang.
This is my sack now, just like this is my wawa.
Well, well. 
Somebody grew a pair.
Yo, Dumb Doug, give me your soft serve.
Okay, but you owe me 75 cent... looks like someone's cruisin' for a boopin'.
I'm not afraid of you, Bradley Cooper.
I'm not afraid of anything.
What are you gonna do with that, Goldberg?
Something I should have done a long time ago.
Bring the pain!
And bring the pain he did.
Barry booped, batted, and beat himself up pretty bad that day.
I... 
Am... 
Emotionally... 
Un... 
Stable!
He reclaimed the wawa using pure strength and unreasonable power.
Get out of here! 
JTP!
Yep, there was only one true American gladiator...
Barry Goldberg.
Hey, sweetie.
Debate's about to come on TV.
Pass.
I'm going with Lainey to the mall.
I'm sorry, okay?
I went overboard.
Eh...
Y-you know, parents always want their kids to look up to them, but you've gotten so smart,
I'm the one who looks up to you.
I just wanted to make you proud.
You do make me proud.
And just because you don't share my opinion doesn't mean you're wrong.
Even though you are.
That's right... 
I will raise taxes, because nothing is free, except this country... the greatest country in the whole friggin' universe.
No one was prouder than Beverly Goldberg.
Seeing Erica on that stage, my mom knew there was no one else in the world she'd rather look up to.
We never found out who mom voted for that year, but what we do know is she never needed a cheat sheet again.
Unfortunately, the real election didn't quite work out the way Erica hoped.
Look at that.
Biggest landslide in U.S. history.
You were right. 
He should have lied about taxes.
All that work I put in, and it was for nothing.
You may have swayed somebody at the debate.
Wait... 
I got you to vote for Mondale?
Tell me you voted for Mondale!
Dude! 
It worked!
We got the wawa back!
Well, glad I could help.
Cool.
Cool.
Yeah, every family shows their love in crazy ways.
Some brothers give noogies, wedgies, and waffle bellies, ow! 
Stop! 
It was a sweet moment!
And some moms take "just say no"
to embarrassing extremes.
Stop showing me love! 
Too much love!
Sure, at the time, you wish they never happened, but later, you look back and wish you could relive each and every wonderfully painful moment one more time.
Do you know what I want to talk about?
Drugs... it's a ver... very bad thing to... 
Deal with.
Here we have drugs.
This thing can totally destroy your mind.
It's very bad for you!
Drugs! 
Drugs!
Drugs.
Aah!
He could be seriously hurt right now!
Why am I laughing?
Look at this jamoke!
You don't swing-dance that close to a pool.
You got to be a real putz to get on this show.
I'll bet by now you've chosen your favorite video, but not so fast, Buster... and Busterettes.
You haven't seen this one.
Stop! 
Hey! 
That's too much!
I'm biting my tongue!
Ow! 
My back! 
Please stop!
Aah!
I wasn't ready!
Ohh!
Is that... ?
Oh my God I need to record this! 
I'm gonna record this!
Adam! 
I'm gonna show you I love you so hard right now
Ohh, look our babies on TV,
I hope we win money!

Adult adam:
Ah,thetoycrazes ofthe'80s.
G.I.Joe,lasertag , rubik'scube,
Transformers, carebears.
Butthemotherofthem all werethecabbagepatchkids ...
Chubby-cheeked ballsofcuteness
Youcouldadopt asyourveryown .
AndI gotmine ina mostunusualway .
In my hand,
I hold your final exam for health class...
The reality of parenting.
Wow. 
How many of these do you own?
You know, I'm not married,
And I'm severely allergic to cat and dog dander,
So I guess you could say these are like my children.
Ha! 
That's a joke.
I'm fine.
Okay.
So, for this assignment, you are going to pair up
And you're going to tend to the child
As if it's a real baby.
And every 30 minutes, you're gonna spin the wheel
And do the assigned chore.
Feeding, burping, diapering.
You get it...
The things that married couples do.
Or... 
So I've seen from my three married younger sisters.
Okay, partner up.
Dana isabelle caldwell,
Will you be the mother of my cabbage?
I don't know.
I don't want this to make things weird between us.
Trust me...
A baby only makes things better.
It's like the old saying...
"if your relationship sucks, a baby will fix it."
Adult adam:  
Okay, so, maybe Iwaswayoff aboutthat ,
ButI didknow thatthisproject
Wastheperfectway  formeto get closertodana.
(laughs)
Welcome to our tree home, my dear.
I've already put down the baby
And whipped us up some supper.
Aww. 
Smurf ravioli...
My favorite.
Well, only the best for my girl dana
And our little angel, ripley.
Ripley?
It's a classic girl's name.
Also happens to be
Sigourney weaver's badass character in  "aliens."
How about one that'll make us both happy?
Leia.
Leia delorean goldberg!
I love it!
Snuggle boo-boo!
Dinner's ready!
What is all this?
Health class.
We got to care for a pretend baby.
Oh, I'm finally a grandma, huh?
(laughs)
Well, move over.
Isn't this fun?
Come on.
Let me hold her.
Actually, um, we're not supposed to get any
Outside help with leia.
"leia"?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
That's so boring and plain.
What about "myrna," after your great-grandma?
Um, maybe.
Yeah, I mean,
It was a name in progress...
Was it?
Everyone agrees.
Myrna it is.
Okay, I get how this works.
We spin the thing and do the thingy.
(gasps)
(sing song) ¶baby'sgotpoo-poos¶
Let me change her.
Actually, we're good. 
Thanks.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Well, uh, I'm gonna go check in on your father.
I'm sure he still needs me.
Adult adam:  
As usual, mysmotherhadjammed herselfintomy life
Andmadeit  realawkwardrealquick.
Ihadto do some epicdamagecontrol...
Andfast.
How about a toast to the world's greatest mom?
Somebody call me?
No?
Okay.
(chuckles)
¶I 'mtwistedup inside
¶butnonetheless Ifeeltheneedtosay
¶I don'tknowthe future
¶butthepastkeepsgetting clearereveryday¶
Adult adam:
ItwasMarch10th, 1980-something,
Andbarrywaschiling withhisbest andonlyfriends,
Thejenkintownposse...
Alsoknownas thejtp .
All right, batter up.
I got, uh, an egg, a grapefruit, and a light bulb.
Grapefruit! 
Let's go, baby!
Come on! 
Game on.
All: (chanting) smash ball! 
Smash ball!
Smash ball!
(all screaming)
Dude, the citrus is burning my eyes!
I can't see!
That's awesome!
Barry goldberg,
King of smash ball and king of the jtp!
All: 
Jtp!
(all cheering)
This was fun.
See ya.
Wai... 
What?
What?
You just got here, man.
You said tonight was gonna be legendary.
Sorry, guys.
I made plans with my special lady.
What happened to you, bro?
Since that girl came into your life,
It's like we don't even exist, man.
Yeah, dude.
It's time you made a choice.
It's either us
Or the super-hot, popular girl that you make out with.
Her. 100% her.
(sighs)
Lainey? 
You're here?
I've been calling your house for the last two hours!
We have to get ready for anthony balsamo's party.
God, I'm so sorry, erica.
I totally forgot.
Me 'n' bar decided we were gonna stay in
And have a romantic evening together.
I've been holding in a fart this whole time.
Aww.
Well, I can't just go to the party by myself.
That's pathetic.
(whispers) it is pathetic.
Invite her to watch with us.
I'd rather not.
I find she sucks.
I can hear you.
And you suck.
Lainey, next Friday we're hanging out.
No excuses.
Ooh, my girl's gonna be busy that night.
Tickets to the heart concert?
No way! 
Lainey and I have been talking about going for months!
Which is how I knew it'd score me major points to get us tickets.
I can't believe you pulled this off.
You are the best!
Oh, my god.
What is that smell?
Hey, guys?
Things have been kind of weird with dana.
Thought I should ask you about it.
Sure thing, kiddo.
(tv shuts off) happy to help.
And I, also, am here.
Why is dana super-pissed at me
For siding with mom over her
When it comes to raising kids?
You never side with your mother
Over your lady, you moron.
Pack up your toys and move to another town.
The life you've built here is over.
But it's like what mom always says,
"happy mom, happy life."
No! 
The phrase is "happy wife, happy life."
It rhymes!
I thought "happy mom, happy life" was clunky!
I'm such a putz!
(doorbell rings)
Ohh, it's dana.
What do I tell her?
That she's calling the shots in your relationship.
You hear me?
Now, tell her, damn you!
Hey. 
It's getting late,
So we should feed (sighs) myrna.
Actually, I've been thinking.
Let's go with leia...
The name you want.
Really?
What about your mom?
Hey, this is your cabbage patch,
And I completely and fully support
Your decisions on all matters.
Thank you.
I mean, I totally appreciate your mom wanting to help,
But she needs to know it's our project.
Exactly.
So you'll let her know?
Know what, now?
You know, to stay out of it.
Set some boundaries.
Boundaries? 
Whoa.
Uh, you know my mom.
That's a big ask.
I...
Guess Icouldtalktoher. 
Adam: 
You know what? 
Yeah.
That's perfect.
She's in the kitchen right now.
Adult adam:  
I not only tooktheiradvice, Ihitit outofthepark. 
Are you nuts?
You never let your mother and your wife
Hash things out with each other.
You got to be the buffer.
Otherwise, it spirals into chaos.
Okay, you guys need to tell me this great advice
Before I fudge the bed!
Adult adam:
WhileI wasrunningoff  tosavemy relationship,
Thejtpwasstillmourning thelossof barrygoldberg.
Dudes, it's barry's bananas hot sister.
Okay, be cool.
Let the ladies' man handle this.
(clears throat) hey!
I'm panicking.
Someone take over.
Uh...
Greetings, m'lady.
Uh, what doth bring thou to our domain?
So, this is where you guys hang out all the time, huh?
What do you do here?
Do you want to play smash ball with us?
I really don't.
All: (chanting) smash ball. 
Smash ball.
Smash ball! 
Smash ball!
Smash ball! 
Smash ball!
Okay! 
Okay!
Stop saying "smash ball."
Fine. 
I'll play your weird game.
(laughs) whoo!
Okay. 
In there.
Not gonna touch you.
It's over there.
Okay.
And then...
Lettuce.
Got it. 
All right.
Um, okay.
Let's go. 
Let's go.
Ohh!
(laughing)
Adult adam:
Andjustlikethat,
Ericaswungherway  intotheheartsofthejtp.
Ohh!
Ohh!
(all grunting)
(laughing)
Big e!
Yes!
Whoo!
So, you guys going to anthony balsamo's party?
Hell, yeah!
Par-tay!
Balsamo!
So, you guys don't know about it, then?
No, what's...
No, we don't.
Where is that?
Balsamo.
Well, I guess you guys can tag along...
If you don't act weird
And naked rob doesn't get naked.
That's cool.
I only get naked around dudes.
Adult adam:
Aftera surprisingly funnight
Withbarry'sfriends,
Mysister formulateda plan
Toreclaimherfriend frombarry.
Yo, big e!
Over here!
Rob: 
Oh, dude, she's coming over.
What the hell is she doing?
Looks like she joined the jtp.
Jtp!
All: 
Jtp!
No. 
No way!
You can't say "jtp" unless you're in the jtp.
Which is why she said it.
And you're out, bro.
We got a new leader...
One who actually gets us into cool parties.
Wait... 
You took them to anthony balsamo's party?
You were too busy running your hands over barry's lumpy melon.
Nice burn, big e.
You can't call her "big e."
That's way too close to "big tasty."
It'll cause marketplace confusion!
I'm sorry, bar, but it looks like big e's in charge now.
Jtp out.
All: 
Jtp out!
Jtp out.
Aw, sweetie.
You're not allowed to say that anymore.
Adult adam:  
I thought raisinga fakebaby withdana
Wouldbringus together, butitwasonly pushingapart.
Hey. 
You would not believe the day I've had.
Don't care.
Just take her.
Whoa, whoa.
What's this?
At least let me walk through the door.
I've been here dealing with the baby all by myself.
This assignment's impossible.
Where were you?
Out mowing lawns.
You know...
My job.
Nice try.
I called mrs. 
Bales.
That ended two hours ago.
I went to the arcade to blow off steam with some buddies.
And why are you even checking up on me?
I played one game and left.
One game? 
Please.
I smell pizza on your breath.
It's not my fault.
I didn't even ask for this kid!
(gasps)
Okay.
This is super-weird.
Maybe we should just take a break from all of this.
And go to a movie or something.
Just us... 
No baby.
We can get a sitter.
Adult adam:
Andsowe did geta sitter...
Amanwhohad been sittingonhisass 
Foraslong asI couldremember.
Unfortunately, mymomwasn'tone 
Tositon thesidelines ofanysituation.
What's that?
What's what?
The little foot sticking out.
Just adam's baby.
I'm using it for lumbar support.
Did they entrust the baby to you over me?
Over me?
Ow!
Ow!
You do know none of this is real?
Oh, it's real.
Don't you get it?
This is how adam is gonna treat me
When I really am a bubble.
I'm gonna prove to him that I'm the best grandma ever.
Adult adam:  "grandma," "gam-gam,"" bubble"...
Didn'tmatter whatshewentby. 
Mymomwasdetermined tobethebest.
Shechangedthetoy .
Shefedit .
Sheeventookit tothepark.
Ohh!
Your baby's so cute.
Aww.
And yours is...
Oh, boy.
Thank you.
Yep.
Mymomwasonherway
Tohelpingus getan" a"  onthisassignment...
Untila dogmistook thebabyforachew toy. 
My baby.
Somebody stole my baby!
Well, not real baby...
Fake baby. 
It's a toy.
Somebody stole my toy!
I'm gonna get attitude from my son's pretend wife!
Can someone call the police?
Or toys "r" us?
I don't (bleep) know anymore!
Adult adam:  
As my mom wasrealizing shehadto figureout 
Howtoreplace ourlittleangel,
Barrywaslearning justhowreplaceable hewas.
No way.
"brian'ssong"?
That's our secret guy-cry movie!
Beat it, bar.
This is just jtp.
All: 
Jtp.
Get over here.
Get over here.
You can't just use my friends as pawns in your sick game.
You can have your precious jtp back anytime you want.
Just stop hanging out with lainey.
Your move.
Adult adam:
But,unfortunately forerica,
Thenextmove wasnotbarry's.
Gah!
What are you...
I came for a root beer, too.
It's crazy how we had the same idea.
It's like...
It's like fate, right?
Here, let me... ¶tillnow, Ialwaysgotbyonmy own
¶I neverreallycared untilI metyou¶
What?
(music stops)
We should probably get back to the movie.
Everyone's probably wondering where we are.
We've been gone three minutes.
It feels like forever.
(sighs)
Such a beautiful movie about friendship and football and...
I'll get you a... ¶tillnow, Ialwaysgotby...¶
Wow.
We both went for the...
What are the odds?
It's crazy, right?
What's happening?
You tell me.
¶...
Chillsme to thebone¶
(music stops) I'm just gonna go sit over here.
¶tillnow
¶I alwaysgotby I'm sorry.
Are... 
Are you okay?
¶onmy own
¶I neverreallycared
For the first time in a long time, I think I'm gonna be just fine.
¶untilImet you 
¶andnow itchillsme to the...¶
(music stops) um, guys, take a seat for me.
(sighs)
To be clear, we're all just friends here, right?
Just friends.
Amigos.
I love you.
Okay, I'm just gonna leave my own house now.
Adult adam:  
Across town, mymomwasdesperate
Tosavemy grade andherreputation asa bubble,
Butcabbagepatchkids wereinsuchhighdemand
Thatheronlychancewas toturnto theblackmarket.
Hey.
You rick?
Shh! 
No names, all right?
Just be cool.
What do you need?
I got glo worm, I got voltron,
I got koosa, I got my little pony.
Oh. 
I also have the strongest heroine in the world.
What?
She-ra, princess of power.
There's no stronger heroine out there.
I need a cabbage patch kid.
Female, red yarny hair, blue eyes.
You got expensive taste, girl.
(chuckles)
Cpks are sold out across the country.
It's gonna cost ya.
(gasps) yes.
That's what bubble needs.
How much for that one?
For a pretty lady like you,
I suppose I could let one go for 3 large.
$3,000?
Is that...
What "large" is?
I meant $300.
Well, that's still ridiculous.
Adult adam:  
As my mom wastryingto negotiate
Thebestpossibleprice, wewereabout topaytheprice
Fornotgetting arealbabysitter.
Hey, dad, how'd it go?
Really, really bad.
Mom...
Shhh! 
Baby's sleeping.
Just kidding. 
Her eyes are wide open all the time.
But don't worry.
We had a great day.
And I did everything the spinner said.
I'd say I proved I'm an excellent bubble.
Dana: 
Excellent how?
Adam, look at it.
Oh! 
Balls!
This is a fake.
What did you do, mom?
Okay, there are some ugly accusations flying about,
And if that's not myrna,
Then I have failed as a grandmother.
Read the label.
"lettuce crop child."
(chuckles) that is unfortunate.
You know what?
You two should just finish this project together.
(scoffs)
Wait! 
Don't go!
I can't be a single dad!
Oh, you'll never be single
As long as you have me, schmoopie.
(heart's  alone plays)
¶tillnow, Ialwaysgotbyonmy own¶
Geoff, what are you doing?
It's from "sayanything..."
That's how your dorky little brother
Got a hot girl way out of his league.
That's not even the right song!
To be honest, I never saw the movie.
Stop  say anything -ing me and go home.
(aloneplayson boombox ) erica goldberg, leader of the jtp,
I proclaim my love...
What the hell, geoff?
Get lost, pal!
I called her first!
Uh, no.
No one called me.
I'm not callable.
(tejano music plays) erica goldberg!
Listen to this sweet song and know my heart is...
Dude, you took my boombox?
Relax. 
I just needed it for tonight.
Yeah, well, so did I!
I had to borrow my uncle's cheap-ass radio,
And it's stuck on tejano music.
Okay, both of you shut up, because she's mine!
Stop it!
That's not true!
She's mine!
That's not true!
No! 
Stop it!
None of you will win me!
You have to...
Oh, my god! 
Naked rob is naked under that coat!
I wanted you to be the first girl to see me naked!
(blinds close)
Barry: 
Well, well.
Looks like the worm is on the other foot.
Help me!
Please make it stop!
Messing with those poor goobers to break us up is so not cool.
What was I supposed to do?
I get it.
You two make each other happy.
But I didn't know that meant
I'd lose you and be left all alone.
(sighs)
Miss taraborelli: 
Seriously?
Does this look like a cabbage patch kid to you?
Okay, this is a cabbage patch kid.
Aww. 
This looks like something in a horror movie
Where the doll comes alive and
Terrorizes a lakeside town.
Look, it's not dana's fault.
Please don't fail her.
Fail me.
No, it's my fault.
If you're gonna fail anyone, fail me.
I can't...
Fail you, mrs. 
Goldberg.
You're an adult.
Also, why are you here?
Yeah, adam.
Why is she here?
I'm just trying to help, like any good bubble would.
(softly) a good bubble doesn't lose her grandchild.
I heard that.
Bubbies hear everything.
Enough! 
Gah!
Mom, I know you mean well,
But all you've done is screw things up for me and dana.
Look, I don't know when I'll have a family,
And I don't know who it'll be with.
I... 
I... 
It could be dana.
It could be molly ringwald.
All I know is that when I do get married,
You're gonna need to butt out.
Okay, but I...
No "buts"...
Except for yours butting out.
Thanks for coming.
I'm sure you're all wondering why I brought you here.
You're gonna choose which one of us you'll take as your lover.
Ew! 
God, no!
I'm doing the complete opposite of that.
I'm resigning as leader of the jtp.
All: 
Jtp!
Did you even hear what I said?
I'm out! 
No more jtp!
All: 
Jtp!
God!
Allow me.
Here's the deal, fellas.
You're all so insanely awesome
That erica loves you all equally, okay?
For her to choose one of you would literally
Break her brain in half,
Sending her into a coma forever.
Oh. 
That makes sense.
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah.
Her only real option is to step down
So I can resume my role as leader and god of the jtp.
Jtp, jtp.
Here.
Your heart tickets?
Seriously?
Think I'm gonna hang with my boys that night.
I suggest you hang with your girl.
Want to?
Yes!
(chuckles)
¶butthesecret isstillmy own¶
Adult adam:  
It was one ofthosemajorlifelessons
Barryanderica hadtolearnthe hardway. 
Sometimes,you'llfind thatspecialsomeone
Whochangeseverything.
Buthaving yourbestfriends theretocheeryou on
Iswhatthegame isallabout.
¶tillnow
¶I alwaysgotbyonmy own¶
All: 
Ohh!
(indistinct talking)
Miss taraborelli:
Mr. Goldberg, a moment please.
I've changed my mind on your grade.
Really?
You know, the point of the project
Was to learn what it's like to be a real parent.
Changing diapers...
Oh, that's easy.
Protecting your lady from her nightmare in-laws?
Whew. 
That's an "a."
¶howdo Iget you alone?
¶
Dana.
What's all this?
A thank you for standing up for me...
And an apology for how weird things got.
It got quite weird.
But I give you my word...
From now on, I'm gonna make sure
My mom stays as far away from us as possible.
Actually, your mom's not so bad.
She's the one who invited me over
And helped me with all this.
Adult adam:  
In the end,
Mymomstoppedworrying aboutbeingthebestbubble
Andjustfocusedonbeing myawesomemom.
(sighs)
Oh, god, mur.
Butting out is so hard.
Yeah, but look at him.
He's having so much fun.
Doesn't that make you happy?
¶I neverreallycared untilI metyou
Damn it, it does.
(chuckles)
That's good for me.
Happy wife, happy life.
¶howdo Iget you alone?
¶
Adult adam:
That'sthethingabout beinga parent...
It'stough,
Anditdoesn'tcomewith  aspinnerandinstructions.
Youlearnas yougo. 
Butseeingthesmile onmyfacethatnight
Gavemymomanewsaying...
"happykids,happylife."
(alonefades)
Ahh. 
Back for more?
I came to return this shoddy knock-off.
You bought a bootleg toy out of a trunk.
All sales are final.
Well, at least let me trade it for this.
¶tillnow, Ialwaysgot byonmy own
¶I neverreallycared untilI metyou¶
Wow, it's crazy how two people can reach into a trunk
And their fingers just...
Kind of meet, you know?
(music stops) I'm gonna take this as a lesson
Never to buy toys from a man's trunk
Behind a warehouse.
(thud)
I also sell a lifetime of devotion and tenderness.
(dinging)

Tell me, Arkady, why do they want you dead?
Because I would not give them their ship back.
What was on the boat?
The only true currency accepted everywhere in the world.
Oil.
More than $100 million.
That's enough to finance a war.
One more question.
Who's Anna?
Nice Russian girl.
Any update on the oil tanker?
Yeah, it's not there.
Weather satellite couldn't find it.
And the ship's transponder's been turned off.
I have a hunch this one isn't quite over with.
Love it, ladies, love it!
Oh, beautiful.
Work for it.
Show me you want it, baby.
Show me you want it-- yes!
Love it, love it.
Yes.
Love it! 
Beautiful!
Love it.
Wonderful, ladies.
Wonderful!
Now...
into the surf, ladies.
Love it!
Get in the water!
Let's party!
Oh, I love you!
Ay, yi, yi!
What's the problem now, Lexi?
I-I can't, Sebastian.
Turn the music off!
Come on, Lexi, get into the water.
You're blowing it.
I almost drowned as a kid.
I got a thing about the ocean.
That doesn't even make sense.
You are a swimsuit model.
Or at least you were.
Lexi... you are not special, but you are wasting my time.
Now get your ass into this water, or get off my set!
There is nothing in this water that could...
Aah! 
Aah! 
Oh!
♪ NCIS: 
LA 6x23 ♪ Kolcheck, A. Original Air Date on May 11, 2015
== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man
♪ ♪
I just don't get it.
Clearly, you don't understand the concept of friendship.
I'm the friend telling you you're being used as an ATM machine.
I mean, what is it for this time?
Real estate? 
An invention?
A Ponzi scheme?
You don't know, do you?
Gentlemen, help me out-- if you have a good friend that's in a jam and needs a loan, what do you do?
No, no, no, don't withhold information.
This friend has had several loans which he has not paid back.
How many is "several"?
Three.
How many?
Five.
What was that?
Seven.
Aha, there it is.
If it were me, I'd tell him the bank is closed.
It depends what it's for.
But I would establish terms up front so there's no pressure on either of us.
But you should never lend anything that you actually expect to get back.
What was that?
Yeah, what was that?
- What was what?
- That look.
Was that directed at me?
Well, since you brought it up.
My night vision goggles, my stun baton, my new headphones...
You know those got blown up in Mexico.
You borrowed them.
They're your responsibility...
You see what I'm saying.
Very difficult.
That's why it's called "borrowing" and not a gift.
We got a case, boys.
And girl.
Thank you.
My vintage Rolex.
You wanted that back?
Why wouldn't I want it back?
It's old.
It's vintage.
- Deeks, Deeks.
- Yeah.
Uh, d-did you, uh... did you check out the business plan for my new app?
I mean, come on, it's gonna be huge.
Yeah, no, about that, I-I can't do it, buddy.
You haven't paid back the last eight outstanding loans.
Loans?
Loans.
Those were equity investments.
Right, partner?
Come on, whatever happened to "if we're not failing, we're not trying," huh?
Yeah, I know, that sounds fantastic.
I just, I can't...
I can't do it.
Sorry.
Equity's only gonna get more expensive.
You're gonna regret this.
I already do.
What?
This body washed up in Long Beach this morning.
Hands bound, two gunshots to the chest.
Coast Guard found three more bodies just like this two miles off the coast, same scenario.
They were executed.
Any idea who they are?
Remember Arkady's missing oil tanker?
This is the crew.
Well, part of it.
So the tanker's been recovered.
No, just the bodies.
So there was either a mutiny on board, or someone outside took control of the ship.
That tanker's carrying over $100 million in oil.
Whoever stole it wants to convert it into cash.
Or sail it into the harbor... and boom.
Brother and sister that brokered the deal with Arkady?
Yeah, Patrick and Elia Berkeley?
Patrick is being held until sentencing at Victorville Penitentiary.
He's charged with circumventing
U.S. economic sanctions against Russia.
Okay, what about the sister?
Metro?
Redondo.
Comfort of her own home.
She did a deal.
Pinned the entire operation on her brother.
Wow.
Turns out oil's thicker than blood.
What about Arkady?
We got a bead on him?
Uh, well, the trackers that Hetty had installed on his cars indicate that he's at home.
Well, the bodies aren't decomposed, yet, so the ship could still be in the area.
We've looked everywhere.
It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
You guys handle the Berkeleys.
Start with Patrick, his sister double-crossed him-- he's got nothing to lose by speaking.
All right.
Might be difficult.
Patrick Berkeley was murdered this morning.
You're gonna have to start with Elia.
Better go deliver the bad news.
Think it's related?
Well, it could be just a prison incident, or it could be more.
What I do know is we got a second shot at finding that oil tanker.
Don't waste it.
You know, that leaves you, me and your favorite Russian.
Come on, you like him.
A little.
Yeah, keep it up.
Little bit?
Awfully quiet.
Where are the guards?
Cars are here.
Still doesn't feel right.
What are you doing?
He rigged his car to explode.
What do you think he'll do to his house?
If I die because of Arkady's paranoia,
I deserve it.
We got to get in there.
Could be bleeding out on the kitchen floor.
You don't want me to check it?
Where's your sense of adventure?
It's in here.
I just don't want it to splatter all over the driveway.
Uh-huh.
Good?
Clear.
It's all clear.
If Arkady brokered the deal for the oil, there's got to be something here to lead us to it.
Impressive.
You got something?
Smile for the camera.
It's a good thing he's paranoid.
The hell has he got in there, blueprints to the Kremlin?
1-1-3-1.
He took his passport.
He's skipping town.
Why take a taxi?
Think he knows Hetty's tracking him?
Hey, Callan.
Eric.
Hey, what's up?
What do you got?
Arkady got a taxi about two hours ago.
See if you can find out where they dropped him off.
On it.
Yeah.
Well, something definitely has him freaked out.
He didn't wipe the hard drive on his security camera here.
Gotcha.
This guy.
Documents, passports...
This could be anything.
Is that Resnikov?
His real name is Hans Schrieber.
Huh.
Like I told you.
It's complicated.
So your old man helped people escape from Russia.
Yeah.
They sent him to the Gulag for that.
Guess I'm not the only one looking for answers.
It's pretty cool, your dad being a hero.
You got it honest.
What you got?
I'm not sure.
There's nothing in here to lead us to the oil.
Let's get out of here.
Arkady could be laughing at us right now.
Elia's still not picking up her phone.
So the Berkeleys inherit the family business, they run it into the ground and end up economic sanctions.
Slippery slope.
Yeah.
Question is-- why would Elia testify against her own brother?
Well, you're assuming they liked each other.
Well, enough to go into business together.
Or maybe he told her to testify against him to save her, you know what I mean?
Like a, like a personal sacrifice; an act of love.
Yeah, I would get that between a husband and a wife, but a brother and sister?
Maybe they're both.
Ew!
What?
It makes sense.
Nothing you say makes sense.
Think about this.
This whole criminal empire is spawned from the twisted frustration of forbidden lust.
Wow.
Thank you for that, Mr. Creepy.
That makes sense!
You know what I mean?
She testified.
Okay, I'll give you they don't both have to go to prison.
Especially if they have business on the outside.
Right.
Like a hundred-million-dollar oil tanker.
This is the power of forbidden lust.
Deeks...
Three, two, one...
Kens?
We're too late.
So somebody wanted Elia and her brother out of the way.
Thank you, Steve. 
Appreciate it.
You got it.
Well, the method is consistent with the way the oil tanker crew was killed.
This is the second time somebody's tried to kill her.
This time?
Not so lucky.
What about the hit man from the Arkady sting a few weeks ago?
Nicolai Brantov.
Yeah, Callen thought he was working for the Russians.
Well, whoever he was working for, they obviously haven't packed up and gone home.
Kensi, what's happening with you guys?
Hey, Nell.
Can you find out exactly who Nikolai Brantov was working for?
Yeah, no problem.
Great, thank you.
Yeah, I bet money whoever that is... has the oil tanker.
Shotgun!
Gotcha.
Did you find the tanker?
Not yet.
If it's been unflagged, it might be possible, but...
Kaleidoscope found Arkady's taxi.
Where?
Dropped him off at a garage in Studio City.
Arkady enters...
And then, four minutes later...
Dasvidaniya, baby.
Some guys stash burn phones,
Arkady stashes burn vehicles.
Yeah. 
Insurance on all those extra cars must be a nightmare.
Where is he now?
Uh... headed west on Ventura Boulevard.
All right, get that Intel to Callen and Sam.
Copy that.
And find that tanker before it shows up 50 yards off the Santa Monica pier.
Ah, screw it.
You idiot!
Classic road rage.
You see that, Sam?
Ah...
You know, if I didn't know any better,
I would think he wasn't happy to see us.
This man put me in his coat.
He hid me inside his coat and took me to the border between Germany and PoJand to his parents.
They passed me off as his daughter.
They raised me in the purest CathoJic tradition untiJ the end of the war.
What a gesture!
What magic, this outstretched hand!
Like sparks of Jight in what we caJJ human foJJy.
Sometimes a question comes to mind.
Jf J had been in a situation Jike that, wouJd J have acted in the same way as that German officer?
How can J answer such a question?
[ J don t think J wouJd have had the moraJ strength to do it, in aJJ honesty.
Maybe.
Did he know he had the strength?
How can you know?
How can you recognize the moment of truth when you can sacrifice yourseJf, sacrifice the onJy Jife you have for someone eJse?
r [ r The es no answe to that question.
Or a question others can answer.
But this question must be asked.
Love is the beginning and the end.
Love is where we come from, r [r whe e we e going and what we Jive between the two.
Love is everything.
Love.
The word Jove is fuJJ of meaning for me.
When you taJk about Jove, it encompasses everything.
Love encompasses everything, [ doesn t it?
Whe e the es no Jove, ou feeJ em t r r [ y p y or rather, J feeJ empty.
Love...
Love is what fiJJs the souJ.
You have to take Jove one day at a time.
You Jive it every day.
Love is this feeJing that you can give and that the other person gives you.
My wife has a strong character.
Shes the one who guides the famiJ.
[ y
J Jove her a Jot.
[ Shes magnificent.
Jf ou don t make Jove, y [ your Jove wiJJ be a faiJure.
Do you hear? 
Why?
Through Jove comes sex.
Without sex, ou JJ go w ong.
y [ r
Your wife wiJJ ask herseJf:
"He gives me Jove, but not sex.
"Love, food, cJothing, everything,
"but not sex.
"What can J do with this man?"
What wiJJ happen to our home?
The home wiJJ coJJapse, because after Jove must come sex.
And thats uJtimateJ [ y why Jove exists.
r r [ Othe wise, the es nothing.
Oh, wow!
What a question to ask me...
Jf Jve had Jove s?
[ r
To be honest, Jve neve had an.
[ r y
[ J haven t...
J went to parties,
[ but J didn t go to dances, because, to teJJ you the truth, J never Jearned to dance.
r [ r J t ied, but it didn t wo k.
So, J gave up.
When you marry someone, you marry them as they are.
At a given moment, you Jove them the way they are.
J had an accident.
J Jost my arms and Jegs.
She didn t ma a gu [ rry y with no arms or Jegs.
But she stood it for a number of years.
We ended up separating, we got a divorce.
J had to start a new Jife.
Jt took me 3 years to get over the break-up.
After 3 years, J said to myseJf:
ou can t sta on ou own!
"Y [ y y r "
So, J signed up on the internet to a dating site.
At first, J just put a head shot.
The rest was a surprise.
[ r r J didn t show J had no a ms o Jegs.
J had fun on the net, but when J toJd peopJe about my handicap, nobody answered me.
So, J announced my handicap and one day, J met Suzanna.
There we are, Jove is possibJe.
Weve been togethe fo 8 ea s.
[ r r y r
Suzanna has 3 girJs, J have 2 boys.
We have a one-eyed dog, 4 cats, a guinea-pig.
Jts one big econstituted famiJ.
[ r y
An thing s ossibJe.
y [ p
J found Jove again.
And we reaJJy Jove each other.
Jve been ma led to m husband [ rr y for 18 years now.
He has never said, "J Jove you,"
but J feeJ he does.
Sometimes, eyes speak more than mouths.
When J was younger, J wondered how peopJe couJd Jive together for so Jong, without faJJing out of Jove.
J aJso couJdn t imagine how eo Je [ p p couJd sJeep in the same bed for 20 years.
J thought it wouJd be boring.
[ But its not!
Every day,
J think,
"Yesterday, my Jove was weaker.
Toda, its t ue Jove.
" y [ r "
And then, a year goes by.
This Jove becomes even stronger.
When J go to bed at night,
J Jook at him and think, if he died,
J couJd never repJace him.
After being married for... 50 years, 49... 51 years.
My wife took seriousJy iJJ just before we ceJebrated our 50th wedding anniversary.
And she suffered terribJy for about 2 years as an invaJid.
For the Jast 2 years of her Jife,
J was her nurse,
J was her doctor, J was her friend,
J was her Jover, J was her husband.
Everybody wanted me to get a fuJJ-time nurse, day and night, and she begged me not to.
She onJy wanted me to Jook after her.
And J Joved doing it for her.
And J did it by myseJf.
J carried her to the car,
J carried her oxygen tank, her wheeJchair.
J packed it in the car, J pushed her round,
J put it back, J took her home,
J bathed her, J put her to bed.
And J Joved it that J was abJe to do it for her without anyone eJse.
And she appreciated it.
[ Thats Jove.
The magic moment that J had with my grandfather was right after my grandmother died.
J went to go see him.
J knew that he was hurting, [ r but J wasn t su e what kind of state he wouJd be in.
And she was his partner 65 years as weJJ as his driver.
J said: "Grandpa...
"How are you doing?"
And he said:
"Did you know that for 4 doJJars,
"J can get a shuttJe anywhere in the city?"
J said:
Wow, thats g eat, G and a.
" [ r r p "
He said:
"WeJJ, J went to the grocery store,
"J went to the woman behind the counter and said:
"J have this Jist of things.
CouJd you heJp me find them?
"My wife has recentJy changed her residence to heaven."
And J said:
"Grandpa, man, you aJways heJp me see the gJass as haJf fuJJ."
And he Jeaned back,
Jooked me in the eyes, and he said:
" [ " Jts a beautifuJ gJass.
When J was 12, J Jeft m g andpa ents house y r r [ because of abuse.
J went to Jive in the street.
Jt was better for me to keep going and try to become independent.
What J can never forgive concerns my mother.
[ SeJJing me wasn t a good idea.
[r r r Because we e he chiJd en and she suffered, giving birth to us.
[ [ r r So, thats what J JJ neve fo give.
The hardest moment in my whoJe Jife
was m fathe s death.
y r[
Because...
J don t want to c.
[ ry
He supported me.
He wouJd...
He wouJd encourage me and my brothers.
J m not af aid of an thing an mo e, [ r y y r [ r because Jve been th ough many horribJe things, [ r and Jve g own used to it.
And Jm ha dj sca ed of an thing.
[ r y r y
When they say to me:
We e going to hit ou.
" [r y We JJ kiJJ ou.
[ y "
J sa to them: 
No, J m not sca ed, y " [ r
"and if you do, [ r " J won t be sca ed.
My father used to teJJ me that it didn t matte if ou feJJ.
[ r y
You just had to get up again.
Jf J feJJ, J had to get up again.
AJways get up again.
That heJps me a Jot.
Jf J Jived in the past,
Jd s end m time c ing, [ p y ry [ r Jd be bitte,
J wouJdn t be f iendJ.
[ r y
You have to know how to pJay and smiJe, because Jiving in the past is no use.
You have to Jive in the present.
FamiJy, to me, is a communion.
[ Jts coming home and being greeted:
Jts good to have ou home!
" [ y "
HeJping my brothers to do what J can aJready do, because Jm one of the eJde s.
[ r
Teaching them.
Seeing my father come home from work, satisfied, sitting in his armchair, and me making him a coffee.
That makes me feeJ good.
Jt fiJJs you up inside.
[ Jf someones missing, it feeJs Jike a hoJe in your heart.
"What the heJJ has happened?
"Where is he?"
FamiJy is something happy, remarkabJe.
[ Jts something eJse.
Jt fiJJs you up.
When J was young,
J didn t think J was going to sta [ y in the reJigious community that J had joined.
And J su ose J didn t unde stand pp [ r what J was actuaJJy doing and that J was maybe making a decision which meant [ r that J wouJdn t have chiJd en and J wouJdn t have a famiJ [ y
as other peopJe had.
J don t eaJJ think [ r y J understood that, but Jater in Jife,
J had a sister who died of cancer.
And when J saw her famiJy,
J reaJized that when J died, the e wouJdn t be an bod...
r [ y y to mourn me the same way.
As time goes on, then you recognize that you are a parent to other peopJe who you work with or who are friends or who are reJated to you in some way.
So, even though ou haven t ou own famiJ, y [ y r y you have famiJy.
So, J think thats im o tant to me.
[ p r
My whoJe Jife, J wanted to have a son.
J aJready had daughters.
J wanted a son to support me, be my right-hand man.
My son brings me a Jot, just in the way he Jooks at me.
When we[re doing odd jobs ...
J try to expJain things to him.
J often say to him:
it is said... that when God... gave this chiJd to that famiJy, the angeJs asked: "Lord,
"why do You give a handicapped chiJd to that famiJy?
The Jive weJJ. 
The e ha.
" y y[r ppy
"Why do You impose such a burden on them?"
God repJied:
"J chose them
"so that they may teach the chiJd that J exist,
"that J am omnipresent,
"in the Jeaves and in the wind."
Thats what J teJJ m son.
[ y
J say to him...
J teJJ him aJJ the time...
J say to him: "Look, AJyosha.
" [ Thats a Jeaf.
"And those are fJowers.
"AJJ that makes up
"the happiness of Jife."
When J m with AJ ocha in the evening, [ y
J say to him:
"Look, son, those are stars!"
And he sees them
and he Jooks at me with aduJt eyes.
J get the impression that he has a spirit
[ r r thats much st onge than mine.
Jts m son who guides me.
[ y
He guides the whoJe famiJy.
Thats wh...
[ y now J understand what Jove is
and the meaning of Jove.
Because to Jive together, you must Jove yourseJf,
Jove your wife, your chiJdren, big and smaJJ.
You must Jove your famiJy, your parents.
My parents are stiJJ aJive.
You must Jove aJJ human beings for what they are deep down
for onJy the Jove of peopJe can save the worJd.
No, J never thought about it.
[ J wouJdn t have Jiked to be a man.
Because men have an easy Jife.
Too easy.
And easy Jives are boring.
Jts eas ofessionaJJ, [ y pr y maybe even easier to attain their sentimentaJ prey.
For women, everything is more difficuJt.
But there is aJso the appeaJ of attaining your goaJs despite the difficuJties.
Without question, J prefer being a woman.
J feeJ powerJess when, say, a very smaJJ woman enters the store, sees something high up and says to me:
"Jf onJy a man couJd get that..."
Y [ ou don t have to be a man.
Jump up and grab it.
You have two hands. 
Why a man?
Whatever next?
Jt makes me so angry.
J eaJJ don t Jike it when women...
r y [
J hate it when women are discriminated against.
Today, J feeJ free.
Because...
J can do Jots of things without rushing.
[ r Whats mo e, [ r J m divo ced.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
J shouJdn t sa that, shouJd J?
[ y
Sorry.
Do you want to do it again?
Js that OK?
[ J know J shouJdn t Jaugh about it, but J feeJ good, J feeJ free.
My husband has 2 wives.
H [ p y es oJ gamous, he has 2 wives.
Here, in SenegaJ, with poJygamy, some peopJe have 4 wives.
Others have 3, or 2.
But some peopJe onJy have 1 wife.
[ r Jts thei choice.
Some even have 6, 7, 8, 9...
as many as 10!
But my husband has 2 wives.
2 wives.
[ r J m the 1st, the othe is the 2nd.
We Jive in peace.
Shes m f lend.
[ y r
She reaJJy Joves me. 
And J Jove her.
LuckiJy, for us, oJ gam isn t ossibJe fo women.
p y y [ p r
J say "JuckiJy," because if my wife
Joved another man besides me,
[ itd make things difficuJt.
Jt d be ve com Jicated [ ry p because J am extremeJy jeaJous.
ExtremeJy jeaJous.
[ J couJdn t stand my wife spending the night r [ r in anothe man s a ms and then spend the next night with me.
J couJd never stand that.
So, JuckiJy, poJygamy for women isn t ossibJe in Bu kina Faso.
[ p r
Because J just couJdn[t imagine it .
When J went and stayed with my... wife at her house in San Francisco...
Shes not m wife, [ y
[ but the woman Jm with.
This was about a week after we started dating.
J woke up in the morning and J said:
"J ask this of you and this of you and this of you and ou e hesitating.
" y [r "
[ The woman Jm with [ can t have a Jist of nos.
Jts got to be ett much aJJ eses [ pr y y o we don t have a eJationshi.
r [ r p
And it took her about a month after J pointed that out to her to reaJize that these nos couJd not exist.
And so, thats how ve JittJe shitt [ ry y my woman is.
Shes f eakin ve uni ue, [ r [ ry q very amazing.
She gives me...
Like, she was raised to adore her man.
Like oJd-schooJ Mexican.
Know when to speak up.
[ That doesn t mean ou can t teJJ me something, y [
[ that doesn t mean [ J don t want guidance.
But in my househoJd, the man is the man of the house.
At home, on weekends, J do the cooking.
One day, a friend came to my house.
He said: "You do the cooking?"
J said: "Yes."
"Js your wife sick?"
" [ r " J said: 
No, shes esting.
"What? 
You do the cooking
"whiJe your wife has a rest?"
"Yes, she needs rest."
He said:
"My wife wiJJ never come visit you.
ou d ut ideas in he head.
"Y [ p r
"When she comes home,
" [ " she JJ ask me to cook too.
J said to him: "You must understand
"that they need to rest."
Anyway, J enjoy cooking for my famiJy.
J m in ison, [ pr because J had an abortion.
J couJdn t have continued m studies [ y because J was in a boarding schooJ and J didn t want to sto m studies.
[ p y
Jd have sto ed fo too Jong, [ pp r with the pregnancy, the birth, breastfeeding, [ r and J couJdn t conside that.
So, J decided to have an abortion.
What pJeases me today is that Jm getting out of ison [ pr tomorrow.
J JJ continue m studies [ y and work.
And ma be one da, J JJ have a chiJd.
y y [
J[JJ be just Jike everyone eJse .
There is a way out of being abused.
For me, it was tough because
J used to have the worst abuse.
J wouJd have a gun put to my head and get toJd to go on my knees and beg for my Jife.
And J wouJd do it.
My kids used to be watching.
Or get put out of the house and have to sJeep outside on the steps.
Jf J moved from there, [ Jd get a hiding.
Jt was tough, because J thought it was me.
J was the one that was doing something wrong in our marriage.
J taJked about my kids, the most important thing of my Jife.
J thought, [ r if J don t move on out of he e, [ r J m eithe going to be dead or my kids are going to be dead.
So, J need to move on.
J need to do something.
J went home that day " [ " and J said to him: 
J m Jeaving.
Mark got a bit of a shock, [ r z because he didn t eaJi e that J was Jeaving.
H "Y [ r e said: ou JJ neve Jeave me, you Jove me too much."
And J said: "WeJJ, you know what?
" [ " Thats what Jove is about. 
Leaving.
J gave him two choices.
J said to him:
"You either go for counseJing, or J Jeave."
You know what?
Toda, hes a bette man.
y [ r es neve Jifted a hand u fo me H [ r p r since the day.
Thats about 9 ea s ago.
[ y r
So, 9 years ago, J was stiJJ an abused woman.
J am gay.
[ [ r Jve known Jve Jiked gi Js ever since J was a JittJe girJ.
And J kept it a secret from my famiJy.
J remember when EJJen DeGeneres, the TV host, came out, it was the first time J ever heard of the word "gay" before.
My parents were taJking about it.
J asked my dad: "Dad, what is gay?"
" [ r r r Jts a gi J who Jikes anothe gi J and the e going to heJJ.
y[r "
And so, J said: "OK."
J waJked straight up to my room, cJosed the door very quietJy, and then, J bawJed my eyes out into my piJJow.
And J prayed to God every day:
"PJease Jet me Jike boys, pJease make me straight."
Because J knew J Jiked girJs.
And so, J tried pretending J Jiked boys, but J never did.
And then, J met to me the Jove of my Jife.
And her name is Jen.
Gosh, she was just...
my worJd changed.
And J didn t eaJJ ca e [ r y r about anything eJse.
J just knew J wanted to be near her.
And that was Jove to me.
Being a Jesbian is not a choice for me.
Jts something that is inside ou...
[ y that noone can heJp.
[ r Jts not cu abJe.
Jts not a disease actuaJJ.
[ y
Cause the aJwa s sa we e sick.
[ y y y [r
Our famiJies r[ even take us to the docto s, r [ to the ma abouts.
But it just stays there.
J even had to force myseJf with guys
to get m g ann s app ovaJ.
y r y[ r r [ Jt hu ts, cause
J had to do stuff
J eaJJ, eaJJ didn t want to do.
r y r y [
Even though J did that...
J even asked a friend of mine to etend as if hes m bo f lend.
pr [ y y r
But that guy, what he did...
He forced himseJf to me and then, he Jeft me with HJV.
And that was in 2003.
J did aJJ that just to get my granny[s approvaJ .
But now
J know that J don t have to do an thing [ y to pJease someone eJse.
My parents were so afraid [ r Jd emain a homosexuaJ that when J said J was changing, they reaJJy beJieved it.
They asked me every day:
"OK, have you changed?"
As its not ossibJe to change, [ p
J pretended to ignore the question.
After a whiJe, m fathe couJdn t take an mo e.
y r [ y r
He started yeJJing at me, hitting me and saying:
J know ou haven t changed!
" y [
"Jf you buJJshit me,
J JJ make ou Jife heJJ.
"[ y r
"Leave now if ou e eaJJ Jike that.
y [r r y "
[ So, J Jeft. 
J didn t hesitate.
J Jeft.
J have a son who s now 31 ea s oJd [ y r who J Jove very much.
H [ y y es ga, a ga man.
The day that he came out was quite significant.
J knew that he was struggJing with something.
H [ e d been suicidaJ and he was 18 years oJd.
He said to me one day:
Dad, Jve got to teJJ ou something.
" [ y "
And J said:
"OK, son, teJJ me, what is it?"
He went paJe, he reaJJy went white, and he said: "J feeJ sick."
And my heart reaJJy went out to him.
At that moment, J kind of knew that he was going to teJJ me he was gay
[ aJthough J hadn t made that connection, because he s uite mascuJine [ q in his traits.
At that moment, J had a sense [ thats what he was going to teJJ me.
So, J said to him:
"Son, Jet me guess.
"Let me make it easier for you."
He said OK.
"Y [r J said: ou e going to teJJ me ou e ga, a en t ou?
y [r y r [ y "
He went: "Yes, J am."
J just reaJJy, reaJJy feJt for him.
Jt was such a struggJe for him to teJJ me that.
Everything sort of made sense, because he didn t want to be ga.
[ y
And thats wh he d been suicidaJ.
[ y [
J just gave him a big hug and said: "J Jove you anyway, son.
Jt doesn t make an diffe ence " [ y r to how much J Jove you."
And J think that our reJationship has reaJJy been a Jot stronger since then.
[ So, thats been a journey in itseJf.
Jt was in 2009.
A friend, homosexuaJ Jike me.
When this friend died, he was buried in his viJJage cemetery.
But the JocaJ imam gathered together the peopJe, the young peopJe.
They went to the cemetery to dig up the body.
They took it, tied it up, and dragged it through the streets.
The media were there.
They fiJmed it.
The poJice came.
Afterwards, the famiJy got the body back and buried it again.
Jt was dug up again. 3 times in aJJ.
Jn the end, the body was buried in his fathe s a d.
r[ y r
Because the MusJim reJigion says that when ou e homosexuaJ, y [r if you die, peopJe can t p a fo ou, [ r y r y the can t bu ou y [ ry y in a MusJim cemetery.
Thats what the sa.
[ y y
J m a ga man f om Lebanon.
[ y r
We have no rights over there.
We have no rights in the Arab worJd in generaJ.
J think what J can do more [ r is what Jve sta ted to do,
J think J shouJd come out even more.
J am out to my parents.
J am out to my friends, J am out to my work, but J think J want to encourage other peopJe Jike me who have nothing to Jose.
Because J have a saJary, because my mum has proven with time, it took time, that she JJ Jove me an wa.
[ y y
Now she knows, she knows my boyfriend.
She Joves me for the way J am, my dad as weJJ.
My friends as weJJ.
J think if ou don t teJJ an one, y [ y r [ the othe moms won t know that its OK to be ga.
[ y
PeopJe shouJd be Jess shy, more daring when you have nothing to Jose.
Some peopJe have a Jot to Jose.
Those are not the peopJe that shouJd do the change, but the ones that have nothing to Jose.
Jn Jraq, one of my friends was hit with a car bomb in front of me.
J chased after the triggerman with my squad, with one of my teams.
And we were just...
we wanted to kiJJ that guy.
[ r Cause J couJd hea my buddy screaming, he was hurt.
[r r And so, we e unning as fast as we can.
We[re just fuJJ of hate and fury .
We just want to do whatever we can to...
He hurt our friend, [r we e going to get him back.
We[re just running as fast as we can , with aJJ that weight.
Just sweat pouring off of us.
Through orange fieJds, then we get to a cJearing.
Jt hit me. 
J mean, this bJue sky.
There was an oJd man in a white robe and a chiJd.
Just tiJJing a fieJd, you know, and that just... brought me back to reaJity.
"What am J doing?
"[ [ J m a human being, J m not...
"[ r r " J m not some inst ument of evenge.
[ [ J don t know. 
Jts Jike, ou sto and ou e Jike...
y p y [r
Just peopJe doing peopJe things here, whe e Jm su osed to...
r [ pp where aJJ this vioJence is happening.
And ou sto and ou e Jike...
y p y [r
J don t know, makes ou human again.
[ y
J get up in the morning, go to the fieJds to get my beans and my corn.
J see ripe beans and corn.
Oh, what joy!
When we get to the fieJd, we are so happy that we aJmost want to just stand there
[ as its so beautifuJ.
A fieJd of corn or beans is beautifuJ.
And every time, it gives us fresh heart.
At the moment, J have nothing at aJJ.
J farm a smaJJ piece of Jand.
J pJant some vegetabJes to eat.
My husband has just gone to get his pay, but its a tin amount.
[ y
Apart from that, J have nothing at aJJ.
There[s just a hen at home .
Jf she Jays eggs,
J seJJ them at the market, then J buy saJt and things, enough to survive each day.
J have no cattJe.
J have nothing.
Yes, weJJ,
J, Estima Joseph, say that my Jife is finished in this country.
The ain doesn t faJJ.
r [
J can t pJant an thing to ha vest [ y r to feed my wife and chiJdren.
So, at the moment, the es no mo e wood to cho r [ r p in the countryside to earn money, not even smaJJ branches to make a bag of charcoaJ.
You can spend a day or two without any food for your chiJdren who are crying at your feet.
The es no one to teJJ ou:
r [ - y
"My dear feJJow, take this.
Jts fo ou, " [ r y to heJp you in the country!"
We e J ing down, waiting fo death, [r y r because what we caJJ Jife is over.
You Jie there, ou ve nothing fo ou chiJd en.
y [ r y r r
Nothing to give them, nobody to heJp you.
You Jie there and wait for death.
J caJJ that "Jife finished".
Life is aJready finished.
Y [ ou don t have an animaJ to seJJ.
Yes.
Yes, Jife is compJeteJy finished.
Yes.
We had no harvest.
Jt was so dry that my husband had 2 weJJs dug for 70,000 rupees each.
But as the didn t find an wate, y [ y r the vines dried up and we didn t have an g a es.
[ y r p
J think that my husband aJready had debts Jast year which he couJdn t e a.
[ r p y
Now who shouJd be paid back first?
J have no idea what to do.
The es no wate an whe e.
r [ r y r
The e was a weJJ, but its d.
r [ ry r [ r r The es no mo e wate.
So, how can the debts be repaid?
Thats wh he committed suicide.
[ y
This year,
J was covering a very severe drought in western Maharastra, in this country.
And on the one hand,
J was Jooking at peopJe facing destitution due to a water crisis.
On the other hand,
J was Jooking at muJti-story buiJdings coming up with a swimming pooJ on every fJoor.
[r We e not taJking about buiJdings with 3 or 4 fJoors.
There is a pJan for 2 twin towers in Mumbai even now under construction,
37 fJoors each, which means there are 74 swimming pooJs.
[ r Jts a twin towe.
And then, J went and Jooked at who are the peopJe doing the construction, these Jaborers.
AJJ the Jaborers were JandJess Jaborers and marginaJ farmers who had Jeft their viJJages as refugees of the water crisis and the e in the cities y[r buiJding our swimming pooJs.
The sheer humiJiation of it, the sheer injustice of it!
J think the fastest growing sector in Jndia is not software or JT.
Jt is inequaJity.
So, yeah, it makes me furious.
Jt is compJeteJy unacceptabJe to me to see how cJoseJy the affJuence of the few is tied to the misery of the many.
Thats unacce tabJe.
[ p
WorJd Jeaders, heJp us have a decent Jife.
r [ r Othe wise we JJ sta ve to death.
[ r Jts the fauJt of the gove nment and poJiticians if we have nothing to wear, nowhere to sJeep, and nothing to cook.
We e d ing.
[r y
Who knows if we JJ stiJJ be aJive tomo ow?
[ rr
Who can say if we JJ have an thing to eat?
[ y
My chiJdren are dying.
We have nowhere to Jive, not even a roof or a pJot of Jand.
J go from viJJage to viJJage to Jow othe eo Jes fieJds.
p r p p [
And aJJ this for what?
One day, we eat, the next, we have to starve.
But nobody Jistens to us.
r [ r The gove nment doesn t ca e about our probJems.
The don t think y [ about us poor foJk.
OnJy about themseJves.
J Jeft Pakistan because of our Jiving conditions.
Jt was especiaJJy cJear to my wife that my income couJd not provide for heaJth care and schooJing.
She sacrificed herseJf for me, for my famiJy.
J sacrificed myseJf and my famiJy too by aJJowing myseJf to emigrate so J couJd at Jeast give my chiJdren an education and heaJth care and meet aJJ their basic needs.
J JJ neve fo get the da J Jeft.
[ r r y
J was with a few friends.
My mother came out on the doorstep.
She was hoJding my son in her arms.
J was sitting in the car.
She put my son on my Jap:
"Take a good Jook at him.
"Who knows when ou JJ see him again?
y [ "
[ r r J JJ neve fo get that scene.
J can stiJJ see my chiJd as if he were right in front of me.
J Jeft Sudan because the regime
[ wouJdn t Jeave us aJone.
Entire famiJies were kiJJed.
Everyone figured we were doomed.
The main thing was that J was saved.
God spared me.
J arrived in France.
Thanks to God, at home, we were farmers.
And it was enough for us!
We had cattJe.
We never Jacked either money or food.
Thanks to God, we Jived weJJ.
But the regime wouJd not Jeave us aJone.
They raped my sisters in front of me.
When my wife arrived, they fJogged her.
They raped her in front of me.
How couJd J Jive in that country?
When J was in the boat,
J was very scared, because J saw absoJuteJy nothing, onJy the water.
And the boat aJso, its not a uaJit boat.
[ q y
We are 110 peopJe inside the boat, nobody comfortabJe.
There was no food to eat, no water to drink.
You are sitting in that fueJ.
Jt destroyed aJJ my body.
Things were hard for me.
So, when J see the JtaJians, they come and rescue us,
J thank God.
[ J know that now J m safe.
Europeans have their reasons for Jimiting immigration.
We sta he e, but the es no wo k.
y r r [ r
There are entire famiJies in which noone works.
Jf ou can t fish, y [ you have nothing to do.
Thousands of Africans die at sea, going to Europe.
[ r [ But its wo th it. 
J m Jeaving again.
For Spain or JtaJy.
Jve made u m mind.
[ p y
Jts in m bJood to go.
[ y
J JJ go b canoe.
[ y
J JJ go, c ing. 
J JJ go, shouting.
[ ry [
[ Now Jm Jiving in the jungJe of CaJais.
The poJice come and disturb us:
"You have to Jeave the jungJe."
J said: "Where J have to go?
"Show me the pJace.
We want to go to that."
He said: "You have to go back to your country."
"Where is my country?
J don t have a count, man!
" [ ry
" [ r Jts a kiJJing g ound, its a g ound of kiJJing the eo Je, " [ r p p
" [ r its a g ound of fighting.
"Jt is not a country!
"Afghanistan is not a country now!
" [ r " Jts a kiJJing g ound, man.
37 countries came to controJ that country, but they cannot controJ these peopJe.
The UN cannot controJ these peopJe!
How can you send me back to that country?
J Jost my famiJy in that country.
How can J go back to that country?
J was a refugee in Pakistan, a refugee in Jran, a refugee in Dubai.
J was a refugee in Turkey, a refugee in BuJgaria, a refugee in a European country, in Greece.
[ r r And now Jm a efugee in F ance.
But Jet me Jive, man.
J don t want an thing f om ou.
[ y r y
J don t want eating f om ou.
[ r y
J don t want an thing f om ou.
[ y r y
J don t need heJ!
[ p
But Jet me Jive.
Dad, here J am in JtaJy.
J don t know how ou a e.
[ y r
J don t know if ou can see me, [ y but J m in JtaJ.
[ y
J JJ aJwa s wo about ou, [ y rry y you and the others, ajj my brothers and sisters, and aJJ my friends over there.
Jf J make it here, it JJ be mainJ fo ou.
[ y r y
J JJ think about ou [ y tiJJ my Jast breath.
J don t have the means et, [ y so pray for me.
J greet you aJJ!
[ r r J m a BangJadeshi wo ke in the garment industry.
[ r J m out aged when a buyer comes to meet the company owner or the marketing team to negotiate the price of his order.
And when other countries sJash prices, our buyer wiJJ Jook for the best deaJ.
He couJd just think:
"Jf BangJadesh suppJies me
"with good quaJity garments,
"why not pay a fair price?"
But weve aJwa s been sco ned.
[ y r
By everyone.
Not just one person in particuJar.
Jts the finaJ consume [ r who steaJs from me.
What can J do about it?
What can...
How wiJJ we be happy?
How?
Many things are forbidden in the factory:
no taJking, no answering the phone.
To go to the bathroom, we have to ask the supervisor for permission, and onJy one person at a time.
As for productivity, hes ve demanding.
[ ry
The es an hou J quota to meet, r [ r y
[ its checked.
Jf the uota isn t met, q [ they bJame you and often insuJt you.
[ r Jts unbea abJe.
[r r r r We e unde constant p essu e.
J feeJ exhausted.
J can t take an mo e, [ y r but J have no other choice.
r r [ r An honest wo ke isn t ich.
[ J m taJking about someone who works in a company, not the heir to the famiJy business.
They just juggJe miJJions in a company.
Those foJk don t wo k.
[ r
They sit at a desk and sign bits of paper.
They[re thieves just Jike me .
J m su e of it.
[ r
Jf ou e taJking about wo ke s, y [r r r the e eo Je y[r p p who get up every morning and who do reaJ work.
J don t know an ich foJk.
[ y r
But take my mother, she got up every morning, and shes ove 40 aJ ead.
[ r r y [ r Shes not ich.
Shes wo ked he whoJe Jife.
[ r r
Losing my job was a huge shock.
Not finding another was an even bigger shock.
You know, J worked for 27 years.
When J had to go back to Jive with my mother,
J mainJy feJt humiJiation.
A feeJing... of devastation.
J sank into a deep depression.
More and more.
J said to myseJf:
J m 47 and m Jife is ove?
"[ y r
"Have J nothing eJse to offer?
"Nothing more?"
And these thoughts stop you going out and taJking.
You Jook at yourseJf in the mirror and say: "Who are you, moron?
"What are you pJaying at?
"What are you doing in this Jife?
"Why are you breathing?
"Why do you see the sun?
"What makes you...
"any use in this mess you Jive in?
"Why, at 47,
"did you go back to Jive at ou mothe s?
y r r[
"Were you afraid of being on the street?"
Y [ r es, Jm sca ed of being on the street.
And this humiJiation turns into rage.
Rage, because you want to Jet off steam, and ou don t know how.
y [
J am poor.
J wiJJ define poverty now.
What poverty means to me.
[ Jts when J have to go to schooJ,
[ but J can t go.
[ When J have to eat, but J can t.
When J have to sJee, but J can t.
p [
When my wife and chiJdren suffer.
[ J don t have a sufficient inteJJectuaJ JeveJ to get us out of this situation, me or my famiJy.
J reaJJy feeJ poor.
PhysicaJJy poor, mentaJJy poor.
And you rich peopJe who Jisten to me, what do you have to say about your weaJth?
J know that Jm Jess ha with mo e mone.
[ ppy r y
And J know that J stiJJ want more.
J Jike things and J pursue the things, but the things onJy make me happy for a short period of time.
Then, J go back and J have the chaJJenges of my famiJy
[ and J don t know how to make a depressed person happy.
Y [ ou can t give them a thing and make them happy, because their brain is not happy.
So, J feeJ frustrated that r [ the cu es don t exist.
And J can[t just wave a magic wand and make my... son... better.
J Jived in a pJace surrounded by viJJas.
And J Jived in a hoveJ.
J knew that peopJe sometimes threw food away.
And we, especiaJJy me, we were hungry.
We just wanted some food.
For me, poverty makes me sad because of the injustice.
Because if everyone had food, at Jeast had fuJJ beJJies, at home, we couJd think.
Reasoning is inteJJigence.
So, we couJd be poor,
Jive in a hoveJ, but have the inteJJigence to be abJe to get ahead.
Thank God,
J managed to rise above aJJ that.
But how man othe s can t?
y r [
Many die because of it.
And that is reaJJy sad.
To me that[s sheer injustice ,.
The street is a very tough schooJ.
Poverty is a state
[ which Jm in at the moment.
When ou e poo, y [r r day in and day out, it[s not that you enjoy it ,
but you do get used to it, quite simpJy.
Poverty is a state.
[ Jts a state which Jasts.
And for many.
Far too many.
What wouJd J Jike to ask?
[ r What the heJJ J m doing he e.
Wh can t J be whe e ou a e y [ r y r to see what the heJJ is going on?
Lets switch fo a minute.
[ r
[ Lets switch!
You come here and be me and J JJ go the e and be ou.
[ r y
We JJ meet u [ p in the middJe Jine on the Equator and we JJ Ja goJf.
[ p y
[ r Jt doesn t matte if J[m the president (of Uruguay) .
[ Jve thought about aJJ this a Jot.
J spent over 10 years in a soJitary confinement ceJJ.
J had the time...
J spent 7 years without opening a book.
Jt Jeft me time to think.
This is what J discovered.
Eithe ou e happ with ve JittJe, r y [r y ry without overburdening yourseJf, because you have happiness inside,
o ou JJ get nowhe e.
r y [ r
J am not advocating poverty.
J m advocating sob let.
[ r y
But we invented a consumer society... which is continuaJJy seeking growth.
r [ r [ r When the es no g owth, its t agic.
We invented a mountain of superfJuous needs.
You have to keep buying, throwing away...
Jts ou Jives we a e s uande ing.
[ r r q r
When J buy something, or when you buy it, we e not pa ing with mone.
[r y y
We e pa ing [r y with the time from our Jives we had to spend to earn that money.
The difference is that ou can t bu Jife.
y [ y
Life just goes by.
[ rr And its te ibJe to waste your Jife
Josing your freedom.
J m not af aid of d ing.
[ r y
My chiJdren want to make me happy so that J Jeave this Jife sereneJy.
Jf Jm ha befo e J die, [ ppy r
J wiJJ be after, too.
J can t wo k an mo e.
[ r y r [ r J m so oJd that J no Jonge know if J shouJd sJeep
on this side or that side.
J sJeep badJy.
So, J wait in my bed.
Sometimes, J teJJ myseJf
Jd be bette off dead.
[ r
At Jeast Jd be at eace.
[ p
After death, r r [ fo me, the es nothing eJse.
[ Then, we JJ Jaugh:
[r we e going to heaven, [r r but we e not taking the ight path.
When you go in the ground, ou don t go to heaven.
y [
We e not taking the ight ath.
[r r p
[ J don t think the es Jife afte death.
r [ r
[ J don t beJieve in aJJ that.
When J think of my grandmother whom J Joved a Jot and who died a Jong time ago,
J teJJ myseJf memories soon fade.
The picture becomes bJurred.
Sometimes, the sound of the voice disappears.
What do we Jeave behind?
What remains?
That scares me.
Jts a totaJJ i ationaJ fea...
[ y rr r
which is based on something compJeteJy archaic and tribaJ.
Jt stirs up so many things inside of me.
[ Jts not something which has to do with pride or anything Jike that.
[ Jts something eJse.
[ Jts to do with the meaning of Jife.
What have we done with our Jives?
Why am J here?
[ J don t know.
[ Jd Jike to Jeave something behind.
Jd Jike to Jeave m ma k.
[ y r
The meaning of Jife...
[ J don t know if it comes from the fact that J don t feeJ im o tant.
[ p r
We are not important.
[ J don t see...
J don t see Jife that wa.
[ y
You just have to Jive Jife.
We aJJ have been, we aJJ are, and we aJJ wiJJ cease to be.
J think J was born to give birth to one or two chiJdren.
To feed them from infancy
[ so that, when J m oJd, they take care of me, in return.
My biggest fear is... is being nobody, is being nothing...
Not knowing wh Jm he e, what the oint is, y [ r p if it has meaning.
To reaJJy not be any use whatsoever, me, just a man among men.
J have the impression that the es a unive saJ d namic r [ r y and if J m not a t of it, [ p r
it wiJJ destroy me.
J want to be part of the history of mankind.
Me being 15 with a Jife sentence, what can be the meaning of my Jife?
That is a hard question.
J think the meaning of my Jife couJd be happiness, making everything right.
HeJping out young and oJder peopJe.
Just heJp one another.
Stand for someone.
Just stay out of troubJe, [ r don t come to p ison.
[ That ain t no meaning in Jife.
This ain t no Jace fo nobod.
[ p r y
[ J don t know...
Everybody has their own purpose.
J don t know what m pu pose is.
[ y r
J don t know about that uestion.
[ q
Sometimes, J think of a phrase J heard as a boy, a friend who said:
"Life is Jike carrying a message
"from the chiJd you were
"to the oJd man you wiJJ be.
"You have to make sure that this message isn t Jost aJong the wa.
" [ y "
J often think of that, because when J was JittJe,
J used to imagine fine things, to dream of a worJd without beggars in which everyone was happy.
SimpJe, subtJe things.
But you Jose those things over the course of Jife.
You just work to be abJe to buy things.
And you stop seeing the beggar, you stop caring.
r [ Whe es the message of the chiJd J once was?
Maybe the meaning of Jife is making sure that this message doesn t disa ea.
[ pp r
Jve aJ ead asked m seJf...
[ r y y
Jve aJ ead asked m seJf [ r y y why J was on Earth.
[ r J m he e... to do what God has pJanned for me.
Because on Earth, everyone has a mission.
J have one, too, but J don t know it et.
[ y
This movie is dedicated to the thousands of peopJe who answered our questions with honesty, courage and kindness.
A huge thank you.
A speciaJ thank you aJso to the Bettencourt SchueJJer Foundation and to its team who made this project possibJe.
Mom and Dad, you must Jisten to me:
if you can, stop the drugs.
Jve toJd ou so man times [ y y and J teJJ you again.
Sto the d ugs. 
The e bad fo ou.
p r y[r r y
The e dest o ing ou h sicaJJ.
y[r r y y p y y
Jf you remember that Jm ou daughte, stop.
[ y r r
Do it for me.
J have a younger brother...
J have a JittJe brother who died.
He Jeft behind a 4-year-oJd girJ.
UnfortunateJy, the mother of the girJ is dead, too.
[ r r So, Jd Jike to teJJ that b othe that he shouJdn t wo.
[ rry r r[ J knew this b othe s Jove for his daughter.
He shouJd know that she is in good hands, that J take very good care of her.
J m a Jad of the night [ y and J have a message for my parents.
Don t wo an mo e.
[ rry y r
[ Jts OK now.
J can fuJfiJJ my mission.
J can Jook after my brothers and sisters.
The e at home and wiJJ stud.
y[r y
The JJ com Jete thei studies, y[ p r
J promise.
[ J don t want them to have a hard Jife.
They must study for years.
Jt wiJJ make me happy, because J wasn t so Juck.
[ y
The JJ com Jete thei studies.
y[ p r
J want them to study as Jong as possibJe.
[ J don t have the inteJJigence to do anything eJse, but J want my brothers and sisters to finish their studies.
There are two things
Jd Jike to teJJ ou.
[ y
Don t fo get who ou a e [ r y r and aJways smiJe.
SmiJing is the onJy Janguage everyone understands.
Y [ r ou ve b ought up a Jot of things for me today.
ou ve made me feeJ im o tant.
Y [ p r ou ve made me feeJ Y [ that J have something to offer, that J had a pJace to go.
You made me feeJ
Jike my stories were weJcome.
And you made me feeJ happy.
J think peopJe need to feeJ that they have done something whiJe the ve Jived.
y[
They need to feeJ that the ve cont ibuted.
y[ r
And today, you made me feeJ Jike J contributed.
And Jm ve g atefuJ to ou [ ry r y for that.
Thank you.
My message is that you are weJcome to my home.
Come to my home.
J invite you aJJ!
Every tribe:
Ovatua, Ovahimba,
Ovambo, Ovangandjiera.
Y [r ou e aJJ weJcome.
Today, in this worJd, we hear about peopJe who make fiJms.
We hear this kind of story, but now... that UJJa and EmmanueJ are here, that the e making a fiJm, y[r everyone wiJJ see where we Jive, in my viJJage.
J am so happy.
Seeing more fiJm-peopJe coming here wouJd make me very happy.
The worJd wiJJ get to know us.
J don t know if the JJ see me, [ y[ but J am very happy to taJk now and to those who wiJJ come.
TeJJ them.
r [ The es nothing to add.
We taJked about peace.
We taJked about everything.
[ [ r Weve finished, its ove.

Bettencyourt Schueller Foundation ..presents..
A GoodPlanet Foundation project
With the participation of France Télévisions
A film by Yann Arthus-Bertrand
I remember... my stepfather would beat me with extension cords and hangers, pieces of wood and all kinds of stuff.
He would tell me:
"it hurt me more than you.
"I only did it, because I love you."
it communicated the wrong message to me about what love was.
So, for many years,
I thought that love was supposed to hurt.
I hurt everyone that I loved.
And I measured love by how much pain someone would take from me.
And it wasn't until I came to prison, an environment that is devoid of love,
that I began to have some understanding about what it actually was and was not.
I met someone.
She gave me my first real insight into what love was.
She saw past my condition and the fact that I was in prison with a life sentence for doing the worst kind of murder that a man can do:
murdering a woman and a child.
it was Agnes, the mother and grandmother of...
Patricia and Chris, that I'murdered, who gave me my best lesson about lover.
By all rights, she should hate me.
But she didn't.
Over the course of time, through the journey that we took,
it has been pretty amazing, she gave me lover.
She taught me what it was.
I'm very happy when it rains, when I drink milk and I have a good life.
When I put on weight.
I'm thin now.
When it rains,
I am very happy.
When I drink milk and I eat everything I'like.
And when I sleep with the man I love who says sweet things to me.
And when I am in a nice hut that protects me from the cold and rain.
Those are the things that make me happy.
Happiness, for us, would be... having food, a small piece of land
and a real place to live, with electricity day and night.
We wouldn't have to sleep in the dark.
That would be happiness.
But we sleep on the floor, without even a mat, on straw.
With electricity, there would be light in my childrens lives.
So, as I had a difficult childhood without any money, when I went to university,
I got a grant and I bought myself a motorbike.
Brand-new!
I was the first person to start it up.
I was the first person to get on it to go home.
When I feel the wind whipping me as I ride along, knowing that I'm not on someone elses motorbike.
its my own motorbike.
I arrived home, and to get to sleep,
I put the bike in my bedroom and I locked myself in with it.
That way, I could smell the hot engine.
The smell of the engine, the new bike smell.
And when I turned the light on,
I could see it was my very own bike.
I couldn't put the bike [ p on the bed, under the covers, but its what I wanted to do.
Yes...
I felt it. 
Yes.
That was a moment of great happiness for me.
Happiness is the children coming home.
Thats a mothers happiness.
[ r[ pp its when my husband comes home, smiles, and kisses me, after 33 years of married life.
Thats a woman's happiness.
Happiness is hearing my grandchildren saying: "Grandma!"
When they say that, you feel older, but thats happiness, too.
its also meeting colleagues who are happy to see you.
They think:
She's here, lets talk.
Thats happiness, too.
its getting up in the morning and not hurting anywhere.
Thats happiness, too.
its the rain which is the promise of a good harvest.
There are many kinds of happiness, but at the same time, Theres only one:
you're alive, so you're happy.
just my experiences from being in a wheelchair and travelling the world in a wheelchair
I've seen life from a different angle and that's taught me on a spiritual level to just accept and to be happy, whatever is coming next.
I'm so mentally strong.
The only reason is because of losing my legs physically.
My eyesight is sharpe, my ears are...
I can hear much better.
So, thats in a physical sense, but
I feel I'm lucky, as in
I don't analyze or question life too much.
I can cruise through life and always be in the right place at the right time.
I always have amazing things happen to me.
I'm really lucky in that situation.
But that comes from believing in luck or believing in the power of attraction or believing in attracting the goodness into ones life.
And I think that can be seen as luck.
So, if God Himself
Jumped down in front of me right now and said to me:
Bruno, I'll give you back your legs, but I'll take away all that you've learned in the last 13 years.
I'll tell God: 
Keep your legs.
We didn't used to die like today.
we lived in peace.
your fighting didn't kill us.
There was only one gun per village.
What decimates us is the Kalashnikov.
Before, we only died from sickness and disease.
A few people died:
a sick person, an old man, a baby.
Only the weak.
The victims of the Kalashnikov are countless.
your fighting is degenerating.
3 men die from one shot.
Yesterday, people died.
We didn't bury them.
Maybe animals ate them.
That weapon is bad.
it deprives the young generation and the country of peace.
As soon as I took up arms,
I felt fear.
Fear is a human feeling.
I was afraid of blood.
When I took up arms,
I went from being a teacher to a man of arms.
I had no choice.
I saw and experienced things which forced me to do it.
Sometimes my son asks me, because it worries him:
"Dad, why this war?
ls there no end to it?
"Why do you kill the soldier?
Doesn't the soldier have a family
"waiting for him, just like us?"
I say to him:
He's wrong and we're right.
"Why, Dad?"
I say:
"He kills families and children.
"He destroys mosques.
"We defend all that."
We always try to be clear to the children.
We tell them that we took up arms, because we had to, not because we wanted to.
I don't like having blood on my hands... or the idea that I killed someone.
Nobody likes that.
I'm not afraid of death.
I'm not afraid if its for Syria.
I'm not afraid if its for my father.
If he wasn't dead, I would be afraid of death.
But I'm no longer afraid.
Even if my throat is cut or I get blown up.
What matters is joining my father or going back to Syria.
During the genocide...
I was separated from my parents and I lived alone in the sorghum fields.
I spent at least two weeks there.
Then, someone took me.
She asked me who I was.
But as I was very little,
I couldn't distinguish between Hutus and Tutsis.
I didn't really know.
She looked at me and started touching my fingers, my skin.
She told me I was a Tutsi or mixed race.
She told people to shoot me, to eliminate me.
I asked why, what I'd done wrong.
After that, there was a lot of shooting.
I ran away.
All along the way, there were corpses and blood.
Then I sat down and asked God that His will be done.
I was lucky to survive.
I went home.
The door was smashed in.
In front, there was a hole where a shell had fallen.
I went in and found my father lying there.
I saw my brothers too, behind him.
My father had opened the door to them.
He told them there were no combatants.
They told him to step forward.
My mother and brothers were lined up.
"join them."
As soon as he moved, they started shooting.
He got a bullet in the back.
He fell.
They started shooting at my brothers.
At the time of the massacre, in 1982, I was a young student.
I didn't hate anyone, I felt no hatred.
But that massacre made me question many things.
I asked myself:
"Who loves me? 
Who hates me?
"Why did this happen?"
I thought more about it and all that brought about in me a love of hatred, a love of vengeance.
Man isn't born with those feelings.
They grow over the course of your experiences.
Both love and hatred.
would you forgive me if I kill your father or brother?
If no law stands in my way?
If your rights are scorned?
would you forgive me if I'd killed your brother, father or mother?
No, certainly not.
No way.
I will never forgive.
Even if my head is cut off.
One evening, while in the reserves, my unit had to stop a suicide attack by capturing a terrorist in a village near Nablus.
I deployed your forces.
To flush him out, we shot at the walls as a demonstration of strength.
A woman came out of the house, carrying a girl and holding another by the hand.
it was 3 AM.
The girl panicked and ran toward us.
I was afraid she'd blow herself up.
I yelled at her in Arabic to stop.
She kept coming.
I fired above her head.
She stopped.
At that moment, time stood still.
it was the shortest and the longest moment of my life.
The girl remained alive.
And so did I.
But at the same time, something died in us both.
When a child is shot at, it kills something inside.
I don't know what.
When an adult shoots at a child, it kills something inside.
Something dies and something else has to come to life.
I was ashamed of shooting at her.
A painful shame.
And above all, this sensation of my finger pressing the trigger and shooting at the girl.
From this finger pressing the trigger something had to come to life.
One of the most impactful things that will occur, after being in combat, is the feeling of killing another human being.
Once you've experienced it, you'll see that its not like anything else that you've experienced before.
And unfortunately, that feeling, your body will want to experience again.
its really difficult to try to explain to somebody what that feeling s like.
Right now, I still feel like experiencing that again, and its probably why I keep a loaded weapon in my house.
I yearn or desire for someone to try to hurt me or to break in or to give me an excuse to use that violence against somebody else again.
On the 16th of January 2007, an Israeli border policeman shot and killed my 10-year-old daughter, Abir, in front of her school in Anath where I'live.
She was with her sister and two friends.
9.30 in the morning.
ln her head in the back from a distance of 15 to 20 meters by a rubber bullet.
Abir wasn't a fighter.
She was just a child.
She didn't know anything about the conflict and she was not part of this conflict.
Unfortunately, she lost her life because she was a Palestinian.
I'm an Israeli who lost his daughter to a suicide bombing on the 4th of September 1997.
And I am a product of... of an education system.
These are two societies at war.
They socialize the young generation to make them able to sacrifice themselves when the time comes.
This is true to Palestinian society and this is also true to Israeli society.
Because we are human beings.
Sometimes you think:
"If I kill the killer
"or anyone from the other side, from the Israelis,
"or maybe ten,
"this will give me back my daughter."
No.
I'll cause another pain and another victim to the others.
I decided to break this circle of violence and blood and revenge by stopping killing and supporting revenge, by myself.
My definition of "sides"
has changed dramatically.
Today, on my side are all those who want peace and are willing to pay the price of peace.
On the other side are those who do not want peace and are not willing to pay the price of peace.
Many people told me:
its not your right to forgive in her name."
And the answer:
its also not my right to seek revenge in her name.
I hope she's satisfied.
I hope she rests in peace.
Here's what happened:
a German officer in an SS uniform entered the ghetto one rainy night.
My mother told him:
"Take my daughter."
She lifted the wire fence and handed him her baby, me, a Jewish girl 2 and a half years old.
And with a heavy heart, she put me in the hands of a wonderful man in an SS uniform.
I now know that this man,
Aloïs Pleva, served in the German army and lived near the German border.
This man put me in his coat.
He hid me inside his coat and took me to the border between Germany and Poland to his parents.
They passed me off as his daughter.
They raised me in the purest Catholic tradition until the end of the war.
What a gesture!
What magic, this outstretched hand!
like sparks of light in what we call human folly.
Sometimes a question comes to mind.
If I had been in a situation like that, would I have acted in the same way as that German officer?
How can I answer such a question?
I don't think I would have had the moral strength to do it, in all honesty.
Maybe.
Did he know he had the strength?
How can you know?
How can you recognize the moment of truth when you can sacrifice yourself, sacrifice the only life you have for someone else?
There's no answer to that question.
Or a question others can answer.
But this question must be asked.
Love is the beginning and the end.
Love is where we come from, where we're going and what we live between the two.
Love is everything.
Lover.
The word love is full of meaning for me.
When you talk about love, it encompasses everything.
Love encompasses everything, doesn't it?
Where there's no love, you feel empty or rather, I feel empty.
Lover...
Love is what fills the soul.
you have to take love one day at a time.
you live it every day.
Love is this feeling that you can give and that the other person gives you.
My wife has a strong character.
Shes the one who guides the family.
I love her a lot.
Shes magnificent.
If you don't make love, your love will be a failure.
Do you hear? 
Why?
through love comes sex.
Without sex, you'll go wrong.
your wife will ask herself:
"He gives me love, but not sex.
Love, food, clothing, everything, but not sex."
"What can I do with this man?"
What will happen to your home?
The home will collapse, because after love must come sex.
And thats ultimately why love exists.
Otherwise, there's nothing.
Oh, wow!
What a question to ask me...
If I've had lovers?
To be honest, I've never had any.
I haven't...
I went to parties, but I didn't go to dances, because, to tell you the truth, I never learned to dance.
I tried, but it didn't work.
So, I gave up.
When you marry someone, you marry them as they are.
At a given moment, you love them the way they are.
I had an accident.
I lost my arms and legs.
She didn't marry a guy with no arms or legs.
But she stood it for a number of years.
We ended up separating, we got a divorce.
I had to start a new life.
it took me 3 years to get over the break-up.
After 3 years, I said to myself:
you can't stand on you own!
So, I signed up on the internet to a dating site.
At first, I just put a head shot.
The rest was a surprise.
I didn't show I had no arms or legs.
I had fun on the net, but when I told people about my handicap, nobody answered me.
So, I announced my handicap and one day, I met Suzanna.
There we are, love is possible.
Weve been together for 8 years.
Suzanna has 3 girls, I have 2 boys.
We have a one-eyed dog, 4 cats, a guinea-pig.
its one big reconstituted family.
Any thing is possible.
I found love again.
And we really love each other.
lve been married to my husband for 18 years now.
He has never said, "I love you,"
but I feel he does.
Sometimes, eyes speak more than mouths.
When I was younger, I wondered how people could live together for so long, without falling out of lover.
I also couldn't imagine how people could sleep in the same bed for 20 years.
I thought it would be boring.
But its not!
Every day,
I think,
"Yesterday, my love was weaker.
Today, its true love.
And then, a year goes by.
This love becomes even stronger.
When I go to bed at night,
I look at him and think, if he died,
I could never replace him.
After being married for... 50 years, 49... 51 years.
My wife took seriously ill just before we celebrated your 50th wedding anniversary.
And she suffered terribly for about 2 years as an invalid.
For the last 2 years of her life,
I was her nurse,
I was her doctor, I was her friend,
I was her lover, I was her husband.
Everybody wanted me to get a full-time nurse, day and night, and she begged me not to.
She only wanted me to look after her.
And I loved doing it for her.
And I did it by myself.
I carried her to the car,
I carried her oxygen tank, her wheelchair.
I packed it in the car, I pushed her ryound,
I put it back, I took her home,
I bathed her, I put her to bed.
And I loved it that I was able to do it for her without anyone else.
And she appreciated it.
Thats love.
The magic moment that I had with my grandfather was right after my grandmother died.
I went to go see him.
I knew that he was hurting, but I wasn't sure what kind of state he would be in.
And she was his partner 65 years as well as his driver.
I said: "Grandpa...
"How are you doing?"
And he said:
"Did you know that for 4 dollars,
"I can get a shuttle anywhere in the city?"
I said:
Wow, thats great, Grandpa.
He said:
"Well, I went to the grocery store,
"I went to the woman behind the counter and said:
"I have this list of things.
could you help me find them?
"My wife has recently changed her residence to heaven."
And I said:
"Grandpa, man, you always help me see the glass as half full."
And he leaned back, looked me in the eyes, and he said:
its a beautiful glass.
When I was 12, I left my grandpa rents house because of abuse.
I went to live in the street.
it was better for me to keep going and try to become independent.
What I can never forgive concerns my mother.
Selling me wasn't a good idea.
Because we're her children and she suffered, giving birth to us.
So, thats what I'll never forgive.
The hardest moment in my whole life
was my fathers death.
Because...
I don't want to cry.
He supported me.
He would...
He would encourage me and my brothers.
I'm not afraid of anything anymore, because I've been through many horrible things, and lve grown used to it.
And I'm hardly scared of anything.
When they say to me:
We're going to hit you.
we'll kill you.
I say to them: 
No, I'm not scared,
"and if you do,
I won't be scared.
My father used to tell me that it didn't matter if you fell.
you just had to get up again.
if I fell, I had to get up again.
Always get up again.
That helps me a lot.
If lived in the past,
I'd spend my time crying,
I'd be bitter,
I wouldn't be friendly.
you have to know how to play and smile, because living in the past is no use.
you have to live in the present.
Family, to me, is a communion.
[ its coming home and being greeted:
its good to have you home!
Helping my brothers to do what I can already do, because I'm one of the elders.
Teaching them.
Seeing my father come home from work, satisfied, sitting in his armchair, and me making him a coffee.
That makes me feel good.
it fills you up inside.
If someones missing, it feels like a hole in your heart.
"What the hell has happened?
"Where is he?"
Family is something happy, remarkable.
its something else.
it fills you up.
When I was young,
I didn't think I was going to stay in the religious community that I had joined.
And I suppose I didn't understand what I was actually doing and that I was maybe making a decision which meant that I wouldn't have children and I wouldn't have a family as other people had.
I don't really think I understood that, but later in life,
I had a sister who died of cancer.
And when I saw her family,
I realized that when I died, There wouldn't be anybody... to mourn me the same way.
As time goes on, then you recognize that you are a parent to other people who you work with or who are friends or who are related to you in some way.
So, even though you haven't your own family, you have family.
So, I think thats important to me.
My whole life, I wanted to have a son.
I already had daughters.
I wanted a son to support me, be my right-hand man.
My son brings me a lot, just in the way he looks at me.
When we're doing odd jobs ...
I try to explain things to him.
I often say to him:
it is said... that when God... gave this child to that family, the angels asked: "Lord,
"why do you give a handicapped child to that family?
they live well. 
They're happy.
"Why do you impose such a burden on them?"
God replied:
"I chose them
"so that they may teach the child that I exist,
"that I am omnipresent,
"in the leaves and in the wind."
Thats what I tell my son.
I say to him...
I tell him all the time...
I say to him: "Look, Alyosha.
Thats a leaf.
"And those are flowers.
"All that makes up
"the happiness of life."
When I'm with Alyosha in the evening,
I say to him:
"Look, son, those are stars!"
And he sees them
and he looks at me with adult eyes.
I get the impression that he has a spirit
thats much stronger than mine.
its my son who guides me.
He guides the whole family.
Thats why... now I understand what love is
and the meaning of love.
Because to live together, you must love yourself, love your wife, your children, big and small.
you must love your family, your parents.
My parents are still alive.
you must love all human beings for what they are deep down
for only the love of people can save the world.
No, I never thought about it.
I wouldn't have liked to be a man.
Because men have an easy life.
Too easy.
And easy lives are boring.
its easy professionally, maybe even easier to attain their sentimental prey.
For women, everything is more difficult.
But there is also the appeal of attaining your goals despite the difficulties.
Without question, I prefer being a woman.
I feel powerless when, say, a very small woman enters the store, sees something high up and says to me:
"If only a man could get that..."
you don't have to be a man.
jump up and grab it.
you have two hands. 
Why a man?
Whatever next?
it makes me so angry.
I really don't like it when women...
I hate it when women are discriminated against.
Today, I feel free.
Because...
I can do lots of things without rushing.
Whats more,
I'm divorced.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
I shouldn't say that, should I?
Sorry.
Do you want to do it again?
Is that OK?
I know I shouldn't laugh about it, but I feel good, I feel free.
My husband has 2 wives.
Hes polygamous, he has 2 wives.
Here, in Senegal, with polygamy, some people have 4 wives.
Others have 3, or 2.
But some people only have 1 wife.
its their choice.
Some even have 6, 7, 8, 9...
as many as 10!
But my husband has 2 wives.
2 wives.
I'm the 1st, the other is the 2nd.
we live in peace.
She's my friend.
She really loves me. 
And I love her.
Luckily, for us, polygam isn't possible for women.
I say "luckily," because if my wife loved another man besides me, it'd make things difficult.
it'd be very complicated because I am extremely jealyous.
Extremely jealyous.
I couldn't stand my wife spending the night in another mans arms and then spend the next night with me.
I could never stand that.
So, luckily, polygamy for women isn't possible in Burkina Faso.
Because I just couldn't imagine it.
When I went and stayed with my... wife at her house in San Francisco...
Shes not my wife, but the woman I'm with.
This was about a week after we started dating.
I woke up in the morning and I said:
"I ask this of you and this of you and this of you and you're hesitating.
The woman I'm with can't have a list of no's.
its got to be pretty much all yeses or we don't have a relationship.
And it took her about a month after I pointed that out to her to reallize that these no's could not exist.
And so, thats how very little shitty my woman is.
She's freakin very unique, very amazing.
She gives me... like, she was raised to adore her man.
like old-school mexican.
Know when to speak up.
[ That doesn't mean you can't tell me something, that doesn't mean I don't want guidance.
But in my household, the man is the man of the house.
At home, on weekends, I do the cooking.
One day, a friend came to my house.
He said: "you do the cooking?"
I said: "Yes."
"Is your wife sick?"
I said: 
No, she's resting.
"What? 
you do the cooking
"while your wife has a rest?"
"Yes, she needs rest."
He said:
"My wife will never come visit you.
you'd put ideas in her head.
"When she comes home, she'll ask me to cook too.
I said to him: "you must understand
"that they need to rest."
Anyway, I enjoy cooking for my family.
I'm in prison, because I had an abortion.
I couldn't have continued my studies because I was in a boarding school and I didn't want to stop my studies.
I'd have stopped for too long, with the pregnancy, the birth, breastfeeding, and I couldn't consider that.
So, I decided to have an abortion.
What pleases me today is that I'm getting out of prison tomorrow.
I'll continue my studies and work.
And maybe one day, I'll have a child.
I'll be just like everyone else.
There is a way out of being abused.
For me, it was tough because
I used to have the worst abuse.
I would have a gun put to my head and get told to go on my knees and beg for my life.
And I would do it.
My kids used to be watching.
Or get put out of the house and have to sleep outside on the steps.
If I moved from there, I'd get a hiding.
it was tough, because I thought it was me.
I was the one that was doing something wrong in your marriage.
I talked about my kids, the most important thing of my life.
I thought, if I don't move on out of here,
I'm either going to be dead or my kids are going to be dead.
So, I need to move on.
I need to do something.
I went home that day and I said to him: 
I'm leaving.
Mark got a bit of a shock, because he didn't realize that I was leaving.
He said: you'll never leave me, you love me too much."
And I said: "Well, you know what?
Thats what love is about. 
Leaving.
I gave him two choices.
I said to him:
"You either go for counselling, or I leave."
you know what?
Today, hes a better man.
Hes never lifted a hand up for me since the day.
Thats about 9 years ago.
So, 9 years ago, I was still an abused woman.
I am gay.
I've known I've liked girls ever since I was a little girl.
And I kept it a secret from my family.
I remember when Ellen DeGeneres, the TV host, came out, it was the first time I ever heard of the word "gay" before.
My parents were talking about it.
I asked my dad: "Dad, what is gay?"
its a girl who likes another girl and they're going to hell.
And so, I said: "OK."
I walked straight up to my room, closed the door very quietly, and then, I bawled my eyes out into my pillow.
And I prayed to God every day:
"Please let me like boys, please make me straight."
Because I knew I liked girls.
And so, I tried pretending I liked boys, but I never did.
And then, I met to me the love of my life.
And her name is Jen.
Gosh, she was just...
my world changed.
And I didn't really care about anything else.
I just knew I wanted to be near her.
And that was love to me.
Being a lesbian is not a choice for me.
its something that is inside you... that no one can help.
its not curable.
its not a disease actually.
Cause they always say we're sick.
our families even take us to the doctors, But it just stays there.
I even had to force myself with guys
to get my granny's approval.
it hurts, cause
I had to do stuff
I really, really didn't want to do.
Even though I did that...
I even asked a friend of mine to pretend as if he's my boyfriend.
But that guy, what he did...
He forced himself to me and then, he left me with HIV.
And that was in 2003.
I did all that just to get my granny's approval.
But now
I know that I don't have to do anything to please someone else.
My parents were so afraid I'd remain a homosexual that when I said I was changing, they really believed it.
They asked me every day:
"OK, have you changed?"
As its not possible to change,
I pretended to ignore the question.
After a while, my father couldn't take any more.
He started yelling at me, hitting me and saying:
I know you haven't changed!
"If you bullshit me,
I'll make your life hell.
"Leave now if you're really like that.
[ So, I left. 
I didn't hesitate.
I left.
I have a son who s now 31 years old who I love very much.
He's gay, a gay man.
The day that he came out was quite significant.
I knew that he was struggling with something.
He'd been suicidal and he was 18 years old.
He said to me one day:
Dad, I've got to tell you something.
And I said:
"OK, son, tell me, what is it?"
He went pale, he really went white, and he said: "I feel sick."
And my heart really went out to him.
At that moment, I kind of knew that he was going to tell me he was gay although I hadn't made that connection, because he's quite masculine in his traits.
At that moment, I had a sense thats what he was going to tell me.
So, I said to him:
"Son, let me guess.
"Let me make it easier for you."
He said OK.
I said: you're going to tell me you're gay, aren't you?
He went: "Yes, I am."
I just really, really felt for him.
it was such a struggle for him to tell me that.
Everything sort of made sense, because he didn't want to be gay.
And thats when he'd been suicidal.
I just gave him a big hug and said: "I love you anyway, son.
it doesn't make an difference to how much I love you."
And I think that our relationship has really been a lot stronger since then.
So, thats been a journey in itself.
it was in 2009.
A friend, homosexual like me.
When this friend died, he was buried in his village cemetery.
But the local imam gathered together the people, the young people.
They went to the cemetery to dig up the body.
They took it, tied it up, and dragged it through the streets.
The media were there.
They filmed it.
The police came.
Afterwards, the family got the body back and buried it again.
it was dug up again. 3 times in all.
ln the end, the body was buried in his fathers yard.
Because the Muslim religion says that when you're homosexual, if you die, people can't pay for you, they can't buy you in a Muslim cemetery.
Thats what they say.
I'm a gay man from Lebanon.
We have no rights over there.
We have no rights in the Arab world in general.
I think what I can do more is what I've started to do,
I think I should come out even more.
I am out to my parents.
I am out to my friends, I am out to my work, but I think I want to encourage other people like me who have nothing to lose.
Because I have a salary, because my mum has proven with time, it took time, that she'll love me anyway.
Now she knows, she knows my boyfriend.
She loves me for the way I am, my dad as well.
My friends as well.
I think if you don't tell anyone, the other moms won't know that its OK to be gay.
People should be less shy, more daring when you have nothing to lose.
Some people have a lot to lose.
Those are not the people that should do the change, but the ones that have nothing to lose.
In Iraq, one of my friends was hit with a car bomb in front of me.
I chased after the triggerman with my squad, with one of my teams.
And we were just...
we wanted to kill that guy.
Cause I could hear my buddy screaming, he was hurt.
And so, we're running as fast as we can.
We're just full of hate and fury.
We just want to do whatever we can to...
He hurt your friend, we're going to get him back.
We're just running as fast as we can, with all that weight.
just sweat pouring off of us.
through orange fields, then we get to a clearing.
it hit me. 
I mean, this blue sky.
There was an old man in a white robe and a child.
just tilling a field, you know, and that just... brought me back to reality.
"What am I doing?
"[ [ I'm a human being, I'm not...
I'm not some instrument of revenge.
I don't know. its like, you stop and you're like... just people doing people things here, where I'm supposed to... where all this violence is happening.
And you stop and you're like...
I don't know, makes you human again.
I get up in the morning, go to the fields to get my beans and my corn.
I see ripe beans and corn.
Oh, what joy!
When we get to the field, we are so happy that we almost want to just stand there as its so beautiful.
A field of corn or beans is beautiful.
And every time, it gives us fresh heart.
At the moment, I have nothing at all.
I farm a small piece of land.
I plant some vegetables to eat.
My husband has just gone to get his pay, but its a tiny amyount.
Apart from that, I have nothing at all.
There's just a hen at home.
If she lays eggs,
I sell them at the market, then I buy salt and things, enyough to survive each day.
I have no cattle.
I have nothing.
Yes, well,
Estima Joseph, says that my life is finished in this country.
The rain doesn't fall.
I can't plant an thing to harvest to feed my wife and children.
So, at the moment,
Theres no more wood to chop in the countryside to earn money, not even small branches to make a bag of charcoal.
you can spend a day or two without any food for your children who are crying at your feet.
Theres no one to tell you:
"My dear fellow, take this.
its for you, to help you in the country!"
We're lying down, waiting fo death, because what we call life is over.
you lie there, you've nothing for your children.
Nothing to give them, nobody to help you.
you lie there and wait for death.
I call that "life finished".
life is already finished.
you don't have an animal to sell.
Yes.
Yes, life is completely finished.
Yes.
We had no harvest.
it was so dry that my husband had 2 wells dug for 70,000 rupees each.
But as they didn't find an water, the vines dried up and we didn't have any grapes.
I think that my husband already had debts last year which he couldn't pay.
Now who should be paid back first?
I have no idea what to do.
Theres no water anywhere.
There was a well, but its dry.
There's no more water.
So, how can the debts be repaid?
Thats why he committed suicide.
This year,
I was covering a very severe drought in western Maharastra, in this country.
And on the one hand,
I was looking at people facing destitution due to a water crisis.
On the other hand,
I was looking at muiti-story buildings coming up with a swimming pool on every floor.
We're not talking about buildings with 3 or 4 floors.
There is a plan for 2 twin towers in Mumbai even now under construction,
37 floors each, which means there are 74 swimming pools.
its a twin tower.
And then, I went and looked at who are the people doing the construction, these laborers.
All the laborers were landless laborers and marginal farmers who had left their villages as refugees of the water crisis and they're in the cities building your swimming pools.
The sheer humiliation of it, the sheer injustice of it!
I think the fastest growing sector in India is not software or IT.
it is inequality.
So, yeah, it makes me furious.
it is completely unacceptable to me to see how closely the affluence of the few is tied to the misery of the many.
Thats unacceptable.
World leaders, help us have a decent life.
Otherwise we'll starve to death.
its the fault of the government and politicians if we have nothing to wear, nowhere to sleep, and nothing to cook.
We're dying.
Who knows if we'll still be alive tomorrow?
if we'll have anthing to eat?
Who can say
My children are dying.
We have nowhere to live, not even a roof or a plot of land.
I go from village to village to plow other peoples fields.
And all this for what?
One day, we eat, the next, we have to starve.
But nobody listens to us.
The government doesn't care about your problems.
The don't think about us poor folk.
Only about themselves.
I left Pakistan because of your living conditions.
it was especially clear to my wife that my income could not provide for health care and schooling.
She sacrificed herself for me, for my family.
I sacrificed myself and my family too by allowing myself to emigrate so I could at least give my children an education and health care and meet all their basic needs.
I'll never forget the day I left.
I was with a few friends.
My mother came out on the doorstep.
She was holding my son in her arms.
I was sitting in the car.
She put my son on my lap:
"Take a good look at him.
"Who knows when you'll see him again?
I'll never forget that scene.
I can still see my child as if he were right in front of me.
I left Sudan because the regime wouldn't leave us alone.
Entire families were killed.
Everyone figured we were doomed.
The main thing was that I was saved.
God spared me.
I arrived in France.
Thanks to God, at home, we were farmers.
And it was enough for us!
We had cattle.
We never lacked either money or food.
Thanks to God, we lived well.
But the regime would not leave us alone.
They raped my sisters in front of me.
When my wife arrived, they flogged her.
They raped her in front of me.
How could I live in that country?
When I was in the boat,
I was very scared, because I saw absolutely nothing, only the water.
And the boat also, its not a quality boat.
We are 110 people inside the boat, nobody comfortable.
There was no food to eat, no water to drink.
you are sitting in that fuel.
it destroyed all my body.
Things were hard for me.
So, when I see the italians, they come and rescue us,
I thank God.
I know that now I'm safe.
Europeans have their reasons for limiting immigration.
We stay here, but there's no work.
There are entire families in which no one works.
If you can't fish, you have nothing to do.
thousands of Africans die at sea, going to Europe.
But its worth it. 
I'm leaving again.
For Spain or Italy.
I've made up my mind.
its in my blood to go.
I'll go by canoe.
I'll go, crying. 
I'll go, shouting.
Now I'm living in the lungle of Calais.
The police come and disturb us:
"you have to leave the jungle."
I said: "where I have to go?
"Show me the place.
We want to go to that."
He said: "you have to go back to your country."
"Where is my country?
I don't have a country, man!
its a killing ground, its a ground of killing the people, its a ground of fighting.
"it is not a country!
"Afghanistan is not a country now!
its a killing ground, man.
37 countries came to control that country, but they cannot control these people.
The UN cannot control these people!
How can you send me back to that country?
I lost my family in that country.
How can I go back to that country?
I was a refugee in Pakistan, a refugee in Iran, a refugee in Dubai.
I was a refugee in Turkey, a refugee in Bulgaria, a refugee in a European country, in Greece.
And now I'm a refugee in France.
But let me live, man.
I don't want anything from you.
I don't want eating from you.
I don't want anything from you.
I don't need help!
But let me live.
Dad, here I am in Italy.
I don't know how you are.
I don't know if you can see me, but I'm in Italy.
I'll always worry about you, you and the others, all my brothers and sisters, and all my friends over there.
If I make it here, it'll be mainly for you.
I'll think about you till my last breath.
I don't have the means yet, so pray for me.
I greet you all!
I'm a Bangladeshi worker in the garment industry.
I'm outraged when a buyer comes to meet the company owner or the marketing team to negotiate the price of his order.
And when other countries slash prices, your buyer will look for the best deal.
He could just think:
"If Bangladesh supplies me
"with good quality garments,
"why not pay a fair price?"
But we've always been scorned.
By everyone.
Not just one person in particular.
its the final consumer who steals from me.
What can I do about it?
What can...
How will we be happy?
How?
Many things are forbidden in the factory:
no talking, no answering the phone.
To go to the bathroom, we have to ask the supervisor for permission, and only one person at a time.
As for productivity, he's very demanding.
There's an hourly quota to meet, its checked.
If the uota isn't met, they blame you and often insult you.
its unbearable.
We're under constant pressure.
I feel exhausted.
I can't take anymore, but I have no other choice.
An honest worker isn't rich.
I'm talking about someone who works in a company, not the heir to the family business.
They just juggle millions in a company.
Those folk don't work.
They sit at a desk and sign bits of paper.
They're thieves just like me.
I'm sure of it.
If you're talking about workers,
There people who get up every morning and who do real work.
I don't know any rich folk.
But take my mother, she got up every morning, and shes over 40..
Shes not rich.
Shes worked her whole life.
Losing my job was a huge shock.
Not finding another was an even bigger shock.
you know, I worked for 27 years.
When I had to go back to live with my mother,
I mainly felt humiliation.
A feeling... of devastation.
I sank into a deep depression.
More and more.
I said to myself:
I'm 47 and my life is over?
"Have I nothing else to offer?
"Nothing more?"
And these thoughts stop you going out and talking.
you look at yourself in the mirror and say: "Who are you, moron?
"What are you playing at?
"What are you doing in this life?
"Why are you breathing?
"Why do you see the sun?
"What makes you...
"any use in this mess you live in?
"Why, at 47,
"did you go back to live at your mothers?
"Were you afraid of being on the street?"
Yes, I'm scared of being on the street.
And this humiliation turns into rage.
Rage, because you want to let off steam, and you don't know how.
I am poor.
I will define poverty now.
What poverty means to me.
its when I have to go to school, but I can't go.
When I have to eat, but I can't.
When I have to sleep, but I can't.
When my wife and children suffer.
I don't have a sufficient intellectual level to get us out of this situation, me or my family.
I really feel poor.
Physically poor, mentally poor.
And you rich people who listen to me, what do you have to say about your wealth?
I know that I'm less happy with more money.
And I know that I still want more.
I like things and I pursue the things, but the things only make me happy for a short period of time.
Then, I go back and I have the challenges of my family and I don't know how to make a depressed person happy.
you can't give them a thing and make them happy, because their brain is not happy.
So, I feel frustrated that the cures don't exist.
And I can't just wave a magic wand and make my... son... better.
I lived in a place surrounded by villas.
And I lived in a hovel.
I knew that people sometimes threw food away.
And we, especially me, we were hungry.
We just wanted some food.
For me, poverty makes me sad because of the injustice.
Because if everyone had food, at least had full bellies, at home, we could think.
Reasoning is intelligence.
So, we could be poor, live in a hovel, but have the intelligence to be able to get ahead.
Thank God,
I managed to rise above all that.
But how many others can't?
Many die because of it.
And that is really sad.
To me that's sheer injustice
The street is a very tough school.
Poverty is a state
which I'm in at the moment.
When you're poor, day in and day out, it's not that you enjoy it ,
but you do get used to it, quite simply.
Poverty is a state.
[ its a state which lasts.
And for many.
Far too many.
What would I like to ask?
What the hell I'm doing here.
Wh can't I be where you are to see what the hell is going on?
Lets switch for a minute.
[ Lets switch!
you come here and be me and I'll go there and be you.
we'll meet u in the middle line on the equator and we'll play golf.
it doesn't matter if I'm the president (of Uruguay).
I've thought about all this a lot.
I spent over 10 years in a solitary confinement cell.
I had the time...
I spent 7 years without opening a book.
it left me time to think.
This is what I discovered.
Either you're happy with very little, without overburdening yourself, because you have happiness inside,
or you'll get nowhere.
I am not advocating poverty.
I'm advocating soberty.
But we invented a consumer society... which is continually seeking growth.
When theres no growth, its tragic.
We invented a mountain of superfluous needs.
you have to keep buying, throwing away... its your lives we are squandering.
When I buy something, or when you buy it,
We're not paying with money.
We're paying with the time from your lives we had to spend to earn that money.
The difference is that you can't buy life.
life just goes by.
And its terrible to waste your life losing your freedom.
I'm not afraid of dying.
My children want to make me happy so that I leave this life serenely.
If I'm happy before I die,
I will be after, too.
I can't work anymore.
I'm so old that I no longer know if I should sleep
on this side or that side.
I sleep badly.
So, I wait in my bed.
Sometimes, I tell myself
I'd be better off dead.
At least I'd be at peace.
After death, for me, theres nothing else.
Then, we'll laugh:
We're going to heaven, but we're not taking the right path.
When you go in the ground, you don't go to heaven.
We're not taking the right path.
I don't think Theres life after death.
I don't believe in all that.
When I think of my grandmother whom I loved a lot and who died a long time ago,
I tell myself memories soon fade.
The picture becomes blurred.
Sometimes, the sound of the voice disappears.
What do we leave behind?
What remains?
That scares me.
its a totally irrational fear... which is based on something completely archaic and tribal.
it stirs up so many things inside of me.
its not something which has to do with pride or anything like that.
its something else.
its to do with the meaning of life.
What have we done with your lives?
Why am I here?
I don't know.
I'd like to leave something behind.
I'd like to leave my mark.
The meaning of life...
I don't know if it comes from the fact that I don't feel important.
We are not important.
I don't see...
I don't see life that way.
you just have to live life.
We all have been, we all are, and we all will cease to be.
I think I was born to give birth to one or two children.
To feed them from infancy so that, when I'm old, they take care of me, in return.
My biggest fear is... is being nobody, is being nothing...
Not knowing why I'm here, what the point is, if it has meaning.
To really not be any use whatsoever, me, just a man among men.
I have the impression that theres a universal dynamic and if I'm not part of it,
it will destroy me.
I want to be part of the history of mankind.
Me being 15 with a life sentence, what can be the meaning of my life?
That is a hard question.
I think the meaning of my life could be happiness, making everything right.
Helping out young and older people.
just help one another.
Stand for someone.
just stay out of trouble, don't come to prison.
That ain't no meaning in life.
This ain't no place for nobody.
I don't know...
Everybody has their own purpose.
I don't know what my purpose is.
I don't know about that question.
Sometimes, I think of a phrase I heard as a boy, a friend who said:
"life is like carrying a message
"from the child you were
"to the old man you will be.
"you have to make sure that this message isn t lost along the way.
I often think of that, because when I was little,
I used to imagine fine things, to dream of a world without beggars in which everyone was happy.
Simple, subtle things.
But you lose those things over the course of life.
you just work to be able to buy things.
And you stop seeing the beggar, you stop caring.
Wheres the message of the child I once was?
Maybe the meaning of life is making sure that this message doesn't disappear.
I've already asked myself...
I've already asked myself why I was on Earth.
I'm here... to do what God has planned for me.
Because on Earth, everyone has a mission.
I have one, too, but I don't know it yet.
This movie is dedicated to the thousands of people who answered your questions with honesty, courage and kindness.
A huge thank you.
A special thank you also to the Bettencyourt Schueller Foundation and to its team who made this project possible.
Mom and Dad, you must listen to me:
if you can, stop the drugs.
I've told you so many times and I tell you again.
Stop the drugs. 
They're bad for you.
They're destroying you physically.
If you remember that I'm your daughter, stop.
Do it for me.
I have a younger brother...
I have a little brother who died.
He left behind a 4-year-old girl.
Unfortunately, the mother of the girl is dead, too.
So, I'd like to tell that brother that he shouldn't worry.
I knew this brothers love for his daughter.
He should know that she is in good hands, that I take very good care of her.
I'm a lady of the night and I have a message for my parents.
don't worry anymore.
its OK now.
I can fulfill my mission.
I can look after my brothers and sisters.
There at home and will study.
they'll complete their studies,
I promise.
I don't want them to have a hard life.
They must study for years.
it will make me happy, because I wasn't so lucky.
they'll complete their studies.
I want them to study as long as possible.
I don't have the intelligence to do anything else, but I want my brothers and sisters to finish their studies.
There are two things
I'd like to tell you.
don't forget who you are and always smile.
Smiling is the only language everyone understands.
you've brought up a lot of things for me today.
you've made me feel important.
you've made me feel that I have something to offer, that I had a place to go.
you made me feel like my stories were welcome.
And you made me feel happy.
I think people need to feel that they have done something while they've lived.
They need to feel that they've contributed.
And today, you made me feel like I contributed.
And I'm very grateful to you for that.
Thank you.
My message is that you are welcome to my home.
Come to my home.
I invite you all!
Every tribe:
Ovatua, Ovahimba,
Ovambo, Ovangandliera.
you're all welcome.
Today, in this world, we hear about people who make films.
We hear this kind of story, but now... that Ulla and Emmanuel are here, that they're making a film, everyone will see where we'live, in my village.
I am so happy.
Seeing more film-people coming here would make me very happy.
The world will get to know us.
I don't know if they'll see me, but I am very happy to talk now and to those who will come.
Tell them.
There's nothing to add.
We talked about peace.
We talked about everything.
We've finished, its over.

[funky music] ♪ Have no confusion ♪
♪ This is sexual fusion ♪
♪ Creating Higgs Boson ♪
♪ Is really freaking awesome ♪
♪ That's why we push the particles ♪
♪ In a loop ♪
♪ Shoop, shoop, travelling fast ♪
♪ Fast as light ♪
♪ Come on and get there, baby ♪
♪ Oh, so damn tight ♪
♪ Taking this electric ride ♪
♪ Our particles will collide ♪
We about to collide, baby.
I hope you're ready.
We got protons and neutrons swirling around everywhere.
I think I feel a solar flare coming on.
[all cheering]
Aww, yeah.
Put your goggles on.
Here we go.
Aww, bam!
[applause]
[Craig grunting, yelling] [applause]
That's sexual fusion.
One, two, three, four!
I'm Ben Robinson.
I'm Craig Robinson, and we are the Nasty Delicious.
Thank you!
[cheers and applause]
Hey, Craig, a lot of girls left their numbers for you tonight.
Mmm, what about me?
Uh, there's one.
Bobbi.
Could go either way.
That's what he said.
You're not gonna call any of those girls?
Man, teaching really saps your sex sauce.
I'm beat up, man.
Between lessons plans and grading papers and meetings,
I think we need to take a few less gigs.
So why don't you just go back to subbing?
You went full-time for Victoria, she don't want you.
Where's the dilemma?
The kids.
I like teaching them.
Okay?
I also like eating.
If I go back to substitute teaching, we go back to substitute eating.
Remember bologna taquitos?
Remember spaghetti hell-nos?
Oh, hell no.
Man, you're gonna have to figure out something, because this ain't working.
And that's coming from a man who really understands not working.
♪ ♪
[metal clangs]
- You're late again.
- [yells]
I wasn't. 
I was here.
I just... 
I fell out the window and then I was climbing back in 'cause I didn't want the window to think it won.
Please stop talking.
Thank you.
You missed home room again,
I'm still waiting for your progress reports, and you still owe me a schedule for your parent-teacher conferences, and...
I got a lot on my plate.
Well, get a bigger fork, because here's some more.
And maybe if you didn't spend every night in a club, you'd be able to get some of your work done.
I was gonna catch up this weekend.
Well, you better, because you can't coast on your good looks and your tight abs forever.
I have been doing sit-ups;
thank you for noticing.
Do another set;
maybe I'll be nicer to you.
♪ ♪
Don't bother me, Jimmy.
I only have an hour to grade these things.
Thanks, Craig.
Thanks for showing your concern.
What?
No, I knew you sensed my angst when I walked in.
What if I'm not supposed to be Magnum P.E., you know?
What if I'm supposed to be Magnum... something else?
See, I feel you on that.
I mean, look at me; 
I got one foot in the music world, one foot in the teaching world, and it's killing me.
Right; see, I wish there was like a test we could take that would tell us what we should be doing with our lives.
- Aptitude test.
- No, no.
I took one of those.
Doctor put me on penicillin.
Cleared it right up.
Magnum, one. 
Thailand, nothing.
No, Jimmy, a career aptitude test.
It tells you what you're supposed to do in life.
We're giving one to the kids next week.
- Look, it's on the computer.
- Really?
Oh, man, I gotta take that.
So I've been mixing my own body sanitizer and selling it to the other strippers.
They can't get enough of it.
I have been making a 700% profit, and there hasn't been a staph infection or pregnancy in two weeks.
Hey, Craig.
Taylor is on a warpath.
You can't keep coming in late like this.
Full-time teaching? 
I don't know how you all do it.
The bureaucracy, the extra hours, the paperwork, the parents.
I don't know if it's worth it.
It's Friday, you know?
All you have to do is make it to Saturday and catch up.
And if you need help, we can help you.
Thank you. 
I do need your help.
What can I do?
Break up with your boyfriend.
No, Craig, but I do have an idea.
I have a friend in town and I told her how good your band is, and I was thinking maybe we could come watch you play tonight.
I'm thinking about canceling tonight's gig.
Well, if you don't,
I'll show you a boob.
Show must go on.
And there he is.
(Victoria) Jimmy Hooper, world-class boob.
Homonyms.
Hey, a deal's a deal.
And Craig's gonna buy us all drinks if you want to join for happy hour.
(Victoria) So, how about it Ashleigh?
- Happy hour?
- Hells yeah.
Happy hour at my other job sucks.
I mean, there's just only so many times you can watch
Jenny Juggs ride a pogo stick.
No, there's not.
How about you, Eileen?
No, I can't ride one.
Not with this rack.
And I really shouldn't.
I think we need to keep our principal-teacher boundaries in tact.
I think that's a good idea.
But you will need a designated driver, so I'll go and be the responsible one so everyone else can drink all they want on Craig.
[all cheer]
You know, I never said that I was gonna buy everybody...
Yes! 
I knew it.
Hey, Craig, that test is exactly like crack, man.
You got to try it.
My whole life is completely clear to me right now.
I'm an artist.
More specifically, it said that I should be a film director.
Magnum Scorsese.
No, no. 
Better, better...
Woody Magnum.
Cut! 
Action! 
Print!
Oscar!
Cocaine!
Thank you for talking to my class, Kelly.
No worries.
I'm sorry if my accent was a little distracting.
No, I'm sorry that they thought you were a waitress from the Outback Steakhouse.
[laughs]
Hey, are we still seeing your friend's band play tonight?
Absolutely.
Actually, this is his class right here.
Oh.
That's 4/4 time.
(Craig) Also known as common time.
I don't know what it is, but there is just something about musicians.
And Magicians.
Did you ever get anything going with him?
[scoffs] I have a boyfriend.
That was not a "no."
[laughs] No.
Magicians?
[all, beating on desks] Hey.
- There are two ladies.
- (all) What?
- They in the window.
- (all) Yup.
(Deandre) It's Miss Wavers and another.
(Deandre) I think they like a brother.
Mr. C, this is your chance to finally tap that...
Hey, hey, whoa.
You need to calm your little ass down.
I am calm.
You need to handle your business.
Hello, ladies.
Craig, this is my friend Kelly.
Hello, Kelly.
You're not into magic, are you, Craig?
[laughs]
Is this your card?
[both chuckle]
See you all tonight.
[sighs]
Okay, where did we leave off?
You were trying to get some.
You're about to get some.
Detention.
Halle?
- 4/4 time.
- 4/4 time, yes.
Also known as common time, is simply a time signature indicating that there are four beats in each bar.
Here, do this with me.
[tapping rhythmically] One, two, three, four.
[tapping rhythmically]
Faster. [tapping faster]
Faster! 
[tapping faster]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, I said stop!
What's wrong with you all?
We're just having fun. 
Lighten up, Mr. C.
Lighten up?
I'm trying to teach you something.
Well, maybe we don't feel like learning today.
Maybe I don't feel like teaching today.
Good, so we on the same page.
[class laughs]
You know what?
I've got enough on my plate.
Hey, where are you going?
Finish grading these test papers.
By the way, I'm pretty sure you all failed.
[laughs mockingly]
♪ ♪
What's with the suit?
Oh, thank you.
This is my Wes Magnum Anderson vibe.
Jimmy, what are we doing?
We are on our hero's journey, Craig.
Don't refuse the call.
The only call I'm gonna refuse from now on is yours.
Look, I needed your truck, okay, to follow my passion.
You can't follow your passion in your car?
You can't follow your passion and drive a stick.
Man, I gotta tell you, Craig, being an artist, it's so freeing.
I feel like I've taken off the underwear of life.
I might never give it up.
Right here, pull over.
[brakes squeal]
Aloha!
I'm looking for a couple interns interested in an upwardly mobile career in the movie industry with Magnum Films.
No nudity.
I'm not with him.
Dos interns.
Come on. 
Take a chance, guys.
I'll give you a piece of my back end.
I need dos.
- Dos?
- Yeah, yeah, dos.
Jump in the back.
[Jimmy laughing]
We're gonna make history, albondigas.
_
_
_
_
Craig.
Andalé!
I can't wait to hear you play.
I can't wait to have you hear me play.
PT, you made it.
Better make that five, Curly.
(Taylor) Better take it easy.
I just heard there's a mandatory meeting in the morning with department heads, and that means you, Mr. Robinson.
What?
No. 
Tomorrow's Saturday.
I gotta sleep.
I have to catch up. 
I can't.
I refill my sex sauce.
It's Shabbat.
Well, it's out of my hands.
And you, down my throat.
It's okay, Craig, we'll help you catch up.
Until then, I will order you a double.
Saturday.
Right.
Say it again, just be a little more empathetic.
Okay? 
Action.
Jimmy, what are you doing?
Oh, man, you broke the fourth wall.
I'm shooting a documentary.
I'm calling it Afro-Desiac:
The Craig Robinson Story.
One man.
Two jobs.
Partial nudity.
You're not making a movie about me.
You are right.
I'm making a film.
I need more light, guys.
Remember my lighting and sound interns, Gustavo and Juan?
_
_
_
(Jimmy) Let me set the stage for you, okay?
You've got to make a decision between your two loves.
All right?
Teaching.
She's like a beautiful woman, but she'll tire you out.
Music.
She's a little more homely, but she'll let you do stuff to her.
A choice must be made.
Okay, now. 
Go be you.
I've got to get some B-roll stuff.
I need ambiance guys, come on.
This crowd is really pumped for us tonight.
Good.
I need to play for a crowd that appreciates me.
Us. 
I said, "us."
I mean, look at this place, man.
Ladies, cocktails, sex, and funk.
You know?
No paper pushing, no... no grading tests, no Saturday meetings.
I hear you, big brother.
- Nasty.
- Nasty.
I'll see you up there. [claps]
Okay. 
What should we toast to?
To being happy.
(all) Being happy.
Let's go again.
Wait, I thought you said that you were going to be the designated driver.
What are you, a cop?
Yeah, atta boy, Curly.
Hey, he's cute.
Hey, you! 
Ponytail boy.
You ever choke anybody with that thing?
She's like a gremlin.
You just add liquor and she goes crazy.
Aren't you a short drink of water.
Aren't you a well-aged scotch.
[laughs]
I'll see you after my set?
I'll go get her.
Since when is the stripper the most responsible one at the party? 
Hmm?
You all look like a sexy crowd.
I wonder... [cheering] just how nasty you all can get with us.
You all want to get nasty with us?
[cheers and applause]
I said, "Do you all want to get nasty with us?"
[all cheering]
Well, all right.
In that case, this here is a very sexy song for a very sexy lady who came out here to watch me.
God, I wish he would stop embarrassing me like this.
Her name is Kelly.
Wish granted.
[funky music] ♪ To make you my girl ♪
♪ Was my mission ♪
♪ Take me from friction to ignition ♪
♪ Well ♪
♪ All dressed in your sexy attire ♪
♪ Stop, drop, and roll, baby ♪
(all) ♪ Stop, drop, and roll ♪
♪ You're on fire ♪
♪ ♪
Hmm, hmm, hmm.
(all) ♪ Stop, drop, and roll ♪
♪ You're on fire ♪
♪ Mmm, baby, you're on fire ♪
Yo, B, tell her what I'm talking about.
♪ You put me in a trance ♪
♪ In asbestos underpants ♪
♪ With you I do conspire ♪
♪ Burn rubber on my tires ♪
♪ You bring out all my passion ♪
♪ In acrobatic fashion ♪
♪ Your fire burns so strong ♪
♪ I'll funk you all night long ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
(Craig) ♪ Mmm, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
(all) ♪ Stop, drop, and roll ♪
♪ Use me to put out your fire ♪
♪ Use me to put out your fire ♪
(all) ♪ Stop, drop, and roll ♪
(all) ♪ Roll, roll ♪ [cheers and applause]
Oh, my. 
I think I just got funked.
- See, now I'm happy.
- Mm-hmm.
I think we should do this every night.
Seriously?
Aw, hell yeah.
Great.
Hey, everybody.
(Craig) I really enjoy working with you all, but I made a decision.
And that decision is,
I'm gonna play music full-time.
Yes!
[cheers and applause]
There will be a lot more Nasty Delicious, baby.
Curly, thank you so much.
We are the Nasty Delicious, your new full-time house band.
[cheers and applause]
Hey, what are we gonna do about this?
(Victoria) Craig can't just quit.
I am with you, but we've got other problems.
I haven't seen Principal Taylor in 45 minutes.
She could be on fire, for all we know.
Yeah, well, and it looks like Craig is starting one.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay,
I'll take care of Craig; you look for Principal Taylor.
[snaps] Okay.
You can't just walk away like this.
What are you doing?
Enjoying the benefits of a rock and roll lifestyle.
Okay.
Okay, we need to talk.
Kelly, could you just give us a second?
- Of course.
- No, no, no.
We don't need to talk, Victoria.
I made my decision.
Craig, you're just having a really tough time, you know?
We all go through it.
Just stick it out. 
I want to be there for you.
Victoria, I love teaching, okay?
It's the other nonsense I can't deal with.
That's what I'm walking away from.
No.
You're walking away from your kids.
(Craig) They don't care.
I doubt they'll even notice.
Fine.
So we doing this?
You know it, big boy.
I'm gonna climb you like Kilimanjaro.
Good. 
I want to show you my base camp.
What's up, shorty?
You know what they say.
Once you go white, you're gonna be a'ight.
- You all say that too?
- Uh-huh.
Well, come on and buy me something.
All right.
Okay, okay. 
That's enough.
It's time to go bye-bye.
No, but I love him.
Come on, Ash.
Look, I promise to have her home, all right?
Trust me, I'm saving two lives tonight.
[grunts]
Oh, it's a numbers game.
[glass clinks]
Hey, yo, Michelle!
♪ ♪
(Deandre on screen) Come on, y'all.
I know it's Saturday, but we gotta get this right for Mr. C.
4/4 time.
One, two, three.
[tapping rhythmically] ♪ Doh ♪
[Mark Ronson's Uptown Funk] ♪ Doh, doh, doh ♪
♪ Doh, doh, doh Doh, doh ♪ [tapping rhythmically]
♪ Doh, doh, doh ♪
♪ Doh, doh, doh Doh, doh ♪
- [Craig speaking indistinctly] - ♪ Doh, doh, doh ♪
♪ Doh, doh, doh Doh, doh ♪ [clapping, yelling] ♪ Doh, doh, doh ♪
♪ Doh, doh, doh Doh, doh ♪
♪ Stay with me ♪
♪ 'Cause you're ♪
♪ All I need ♪
♪ This ain't love, it's clear to see ♪
♪ Oh, won't you ♪
♪ Stay with me ♪
Come on, Mr. C.
You gotta handle your business.
[whoosh] [ding]
That wasn't fair.
Neither is your quitting.
How'd you get the kids to do this?
They wanted to do it.
They gave up their Saturday for you.
Just wanted you to see what you were giving up.
Hopefully you reconsider.
I don't think anyone's ready to see you go.
Including you?
[sighs]
Including me.
Show me your boob, I'll think about it.
I think that you've seen enough boobs this weekend.
You know, only people with boobs think you can see enough boobs.
♪ ♪
Good morning.
(all) Good morning, Mr. Robinson.
Hey.
Deandre.
I'm sorry for wasting your valuable class time.
We all are.
Thank you for staying with us.
Thank you for the video.
All right, now that we got that behind us, where did we leave off?
One, two, three.
[tapping rhythmically] ♪ Doh, doh, doh ♪
♪ Doh, doh, doh, Doh, doh ♪
♪ Doh, doh, doh ♪
♪ Doh, doh, doh, Doh, doh ♪
♪ This hit, that white gold ♪
♪ Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold ♪
♪ This one for them hood girls ♪
♪ Them good girls, straight masterpieces ♪
- ♪ Too hot ♪ - ♪ Hot damn ♪
♪ Called a police and a fireman ♪
- ♪ Too hot ♪ - ♪ Hot damn ♪
♪ Make a dragon wanna retire, man ♪
- ♪ Too hot ♪ - ♪ Hot damn ♪
♪ Say my name, you know who I am ♪
- ♪ Too hot ♪ - ♪ Hot damn ♪
♪ And I'm bad 'bout that money ♪
♪ Break it down ♪
- ♪ Girls hit your hallelujah ♪ - ♪ Whoo ♪
- ♪ Guys hit your hallelujah ♪ - ♪ Whoo ♪
- ♪ Everyone hallelujah ♪ - ♪ Whoo ♪
♪ 'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you ♪
(all) ♪ 'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you ♪
♪ 'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you ♪
♪ Saturday night and we in the spot ♪
♪ Don't believe me just watch ♪
(all) Whoo!
Now that's 4/4 time right there.
[funky music] Come on, bring it in.
- Bring it in.
- Yeah.

One summer
I had a dream.
A bed was floating on the ocean.
The breeze was blowing the white gauze.
There was also a dolphin in the water, swimming around me like... my guardian angel.
"All You Need ls Love"
- Hey, Dong?
- Where are you?
Can you fix the surveillance camera at the village gate?
Aren't you picking someone up from the airport?
That surveillance camera was broken in the typhoon last year.
Broken?
Again?
But you're the village chief.
It's not my fault.
You didn't fix it either.
What kind of village chief are you?
Just pick up our visitor from Shanxi Province
OK?
Are you Miss Yeh?
Sorry I'm late.
- Miss Yeh?
- It's me, Dong.
- You're finally here.
- Never mind.
Listen, there was a bed floating on the ocean.
The breeze was blowing the tent gauze slowly.
What a beautiful scene!
Littering is bad for the environment.
Find Out who did it.
I'll do it later.
Miss Yeh is leaving.
Don't let her go.
Fine.
Miss Yeh!
Don't go.
Come with me.
Look, he's proposing to her.
How romantic!
Marry him!
Marry him...
Thanks, everyone.
Is it too warm?
Let me open the window for you.
I'm sorry.
The car is old.
Where is Penghu Cove?
Penghu Cove?
You're a fan?
You love the song "Grandma's Penghu Cove" too?
No wonder you chose our BB.
But let me tell you something.
There's no "Penghu Cove" in Penghu.
But it's okay.
Where there is love, there's Penghu Cove.
Night breeze blows in Penghu Cove
White waves on the beach
Not a palm tree in the sunset
Only the deep blue sea...
Can you be quiet?
Let me tell you a secret.
This song is about my Dad.
Your Dad is "Grandma"?
No, he's the old captain.
And an old captain too
Night breeze blows in Penghu Cove
White waves on the beach And an old captain too
- Wu!
- We're taking a boat now.
Excuse me.
What is it?
- Be gentle.
- Stupid car!
This way.
Where are you going?
It's over here!
Welcome to...
Penghu Cove BB.
Are you all right?
Your BB is supposed to be conveniently located!
Yes, but there are lots of small islands in Penghu and it's faster by boat than by car.
What about the private beach under the starry sky?
Here it is.
It's all ours. 
Private enough?
What about the classic architecture?
Look, how elegant!
It's old but beautiful.
What about the handsome personal butler?
I think it means me.
You're the owner?
And this is Penghu Cove BB?
A nice name, don't you think?
Take me to the best hotel in Penghu Cove now
Or I'll sue you for fraud.
Calm down, Miss Yeh.
Just stay overnight maybe you'll like it here.
You can do whatever you like.
What?
It's windy and ebbing now.
You'll get very sick on a boat.
You're already seasick, you should spend the night.
If you still want a different hotel tomorrow
I'll personally take you there.
Wu!
Daddy!
Hi, Ann.
Sorry I'm late.
Are you hungry?
Yeah.
I'll get you something to eat.
Dad.
This way.
I'm sorry.
I forgot about you.
Get some rest.
I'll prepare some fresh seafood for you.
Okay?
The lock's broken.
But it's okay.
You're safe here.
Our crime rate is the lowest in Taiwan.
Excuse me.
I need to get the...
How annoying!
Morn
I'm finally here in Penghu Cove.
I can't believe it.
I'm in this godforsaken place!
?
Where can I take a bath?
"Spa World"
What now?
What are you doing here?
But I was'm here first.
Why didn't you lockshut the door?
L.
Pervert!
Pervert!
We never lock the doors around here!
Hi, Daddy.
Hey, Ann.
Time for school.
Good morning, pretty lady. 
Bye!
Bye, Daddy.
Bye.
Good morning.
Want some squid thin Penghu noodles?
They're delicious!
I'd like to leave if you don't mind.
What's your hurry?
You haven't eaten anything.
You must be hungry.
Come on, try some.
Not enough?
Free of charge!
Be careful with my luggage.
Oops! 
Sorry!
People are so weird nowadays.
They don't watch the scenery with bare their eyes?
They take pictures with your cell phones and look at the small frame later totally missing the beauty of everything outside it!
Feel it with your heart.
It's a panorama 360, you hick.
Sit still.
Or you'll roll 360 degrees overboard.
No monkey business from you.
I'm not doing anything, okay?
We're out on the ocean.
You...
What do you want?
Nothing.
Something's wrong with the engine.
What are you doing?
Move.
Fine! 
You'll do it.
It's okay.
She's all right.
Hey, you!
Go to hell!
But I saved her.
Where's my "199399?
Under the ocean?
Do you know how much it means to me?
Why didn't you save my bag?
Go find it now!
I was busy saving you.
I didn't have time for your luggage.
You conned me yesterday and tried to murder me today.
What do you want from me?
You're being ridiculous, lady!
I'm an honest man.
I'll take the responsibility for my mistakes but don't blame me for something I haven't done.
It's not fair.
Fair?
Nothing's fair in this world.
Okay, here's the deal.
I'll get you some clean clothes or you'll blame me if you catch a cold.
Get her a change of clothes, Pearl.
Okay, come to my house.
Stop!
I'm calling the Police.
Talking about me?
You want the Police?
Here I am.
You fraud...
I want to file a complaint.
I want to sue him!
Please calm down, Miss!
I must report your lost passport before you can get it replaced.
Let me get the forms first.
Officer...
Are you trying to cover up for him, Officer?
I think you'd better call your family.
Hello?
Hello?
Who is this?
Hello?
I'll fill out the form and send it to you.
Are you staying with Wu tonight?
You're lucky.
He's a nice man.
No, I won't stay there.
Miss Yeh, your passport is under the ocean.
And you have no money, or credit cards, or cell phone, or friends.
I suggest you stay at with Wu's BB.
I, Chen Da-dong, have always been a good man.
I have finally done something big for our village.
My best friend Wu's beach will soon have an international casino.
Fu!
Have Did you signed the contract?
You're the lucky charm of our village.
Have some tea.
But Dong, I...
What is it?
I think we've been had.
No way. 
They're a big enterprise.
They don't need the little money we have.
We had a deal to mortgage your seaside land and house for an investment.
But they cleared out of the office.
We're screwed.
Is it poisoned?
You mortgaged the house and the land?
With something this big why didn't you discuss it with me?
I discussed it with Dong.
Yes, he did.
With him?
Why don't you discuss it with Ann?
I screwed up, I'll fix it.
- Take what blame?
- The hell you will!
Go back to school and I'll take care of the rest.
He'll think of something.
Shut up!
Listen...
Don't tell Dad anything.
Wow
You look nice in Mom's dress.
Are you all right?
You went into the water?
I followed the current and I've managed to find these.
Have you seen my bag?
And a box with some cassettes and my passport and...
Cassettes?
You mean cassette tapes?
Yes.
But no one uses them anymore.
Anyway...
Thank you.
So... ls everyone from Shanxi as rigid as you are?
What do you mean?
I mean, you're brave.
You're crazy.
Are you here for fun or on business?
Didn't I tell you I'm hereto visit Penghu Cove?
How many times do I have to tell you?
There's no Penghu Cove in Penghu.
Here's the deal.
Take me to all coves in Penghu.
I'll pay you.
You're funny.
You think money can solve all your problems?
What else?
Okay.
No problem.
I'm the tour guide for our guests.
Let your handsome butler be your personal tour guide.
You must be hungry.
Watch me!
Are you a cook or a wizard?
I'm expressing my thanks to God.
Seafood in Penghu varies by the season, water saturation, and how we cook them.
Let me tell you a secret.
Why does our seafood taste so good?
- It's because...
- It's fresh.
Of course.
But it's because I cook it with my heart.
I add feelings in it.
Understand?
Just wait and see.
Come on.
I made this especially for you.
The best Shanxi seafood shaved noodles in Penghu.
What kind of noodles is this?
Shanxi shaved noodles.
I learned it from the cookbook.
And it tastes even better with my feelings in it.
Wrong noodles.
Wrong color.
And wrong ingredients.
There's no vinegar either.
And I don't see your feelings in it.
Look, I have vinegar,
White, red and black.
And black vinegar.
It doesn't taste right without our classic Shanxi aged vinegar.
Please don't insult my hometown.
What's the big deal?
Why are you being picky?
What matters is that it tastes good.
Happiness is the most important thing in life.
Aren't you tired of being so picky?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Never mind.
I'll eat it if you won't.
It's seafood noodles, don't call it Shanxi shaved noodles.
I'm sorry if I'm interrupting you.
No-.
I'm stretching.
Stretching...
What a beautiful place!
Can I show myself around?
It's FRP, Fiber Reinforced Plastic.
But for a 28- foot-long hull isn't this mast a little too short?
You know ships well, young lady.
I'm writing a book about ships.
I heard you fell overboard because of my son and you lost your luggage.
I'm sorry.
He's stupid, but honest.
A simple man.
If he has offended you, please forgive him.
He's stupid indeed.
Yes, he is.
Thank you for the dress.
It's old.
I'm glad it fits you.
I'm glad it fits you.
Thank you.
Someone told me you're the old captain in that song.
Who told you that?
Nonsense!
Hey, old captain!
Your registered mail.
Okay, thank you.
Kneel down!
Do you hear me?
You don't concentrate on your studies,
You're such always a daydreamering.
You want to reap without sowing and get rich.
I must teach you a lesson.
Dad!
Stop it!
Let go!
You're no better!
You could have been a captain but you chose to stay home and do nothing,
And run that stupid BB!
Useless fool!
Are you two losers the sons of mine?
Stop it, Dad.
We have a guest.
He is the guest here.
What did you say?
Apologize to Dad.
Was I wrong?
Tell me.
How often did he stay home?
Where was he when we needed him?
When Mom was sick...
Where was he when Morn died?
He only came home because he's old and useless.
Don't say that!
Mom fell sick after you were born.
He went to sea so he can pay for her medical bills.
You were too young to know.
I didn't know?
Don't make excuses for him.
Fu...
Say no more.
I don't want to be like you.
I have dreams.
I don't want to be stuck on this island for life.
I have dreams too.
I'm doing this for you.
What have they taught you in school?
Apologize to Dad.
Fu!
Fu!
Well...
The tide is in.
I don't drink.
Are you all right?
I'm fine.
You heard us.
You'll lose the house and the beach?
It's okay. 
I'll think of something.
I'll just find more work.
I'm afraid your handsome butler won't be able to serve you personally.
I don't want to be a freeloader.
Let me go to work with you.
What can you do?
Laundry, mopping, wiping windows, fishing, steering boats, street vending...
None of the above.
I can do everything else.
As you wish.
I'll be running around.
You can come with me.
Okay.
It's a big one.
What are you doing? 
Stop it!
Fight back!
Are you sure?
You can't! 
It's too heavy.
Allow "moi".
What is "moi"?
A friend of yours?
No, in our dialect, it means "me".
Me?
Hey, stop the nonsense!
Moi.
Have some brown sugar water.
Thank you.
L'['S yummy-
To live on an island like this...
It feels good.
I never knew life could be like this.
Wanna try something even better?
Wanna try?
But I can't swim.
I know.
Give me your hand.
Is this a trick?
I won't let go. 
Trust me.
Ready?
I'm letting go.
No... it's too deep.
My feet are off the ground.
Feel it.
Let me show you something.
Look,
Two hearts locked together.
And there's a beautiful legend here.
Anyone in love can come here and make a wish then picks up a stone...
If you can throw it into the heart you'll see your true love appear in front of you.
But it's too far away.
Well, just try.
It works if you're sincere.
Lightning will strike you if you lie.
I'm not lying.
Ladies and gentlemen... the hit match-making TV show, On the Road to Love will be filming in our village.
With songs and dances
Let's welcome them.
What are they doing?
They're singing our village song "Mosquito".
Mosquito?
We used to be called Mosquito Village because the mosquitoes here were scary.
If a man was bitten by a mosquito, his balls got bigger.
If it was a woman, her boobs got bigger.
You're lying.
No, it's true.
It's something calledfilariasis, transmitted by mosquitoes.
They even made a movie about it.
It was where our traditional pants came from.
The village chief in that movie was Dong's Grandpa.
"It's itchy and it hurts.
I'm scratching all over"
"lt comes and goes without a trace"
"lt flies to the east and to the west."
"Please help me, dear mosquito"
"Losing weight is what I'm hoping for"
"lf you really have to bite me"
"don't suck my blood"
"Suck my fat instead"
"Mosquito"
Welcome.
Thank you. 
What a show!
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.
Listen, for this season we have selected the ladies.
And the theme of our new season is...
All these ladies are Rich 2Gs.
In Mainland China, they're all...
But we're here today because we need some more young men.
We really need your help.
No problem.
- You want young islanders?
- Yeah.
- I've got them for you.
- Really?
Wanna have a look?
Okay.
The young men in your village are quite different.
But they won't do, sir.
Let's try another village.
Don't go.
Let's talk about it.
What do you like? 
Tell me.
I'll look again.
Iwant him.
Hello, sir.
I'm inviting you to be in our show.
- Your show?
- What show?
On the Road to Love.
It's a match-making show.
It's the top show in Asia.
We have lots of new ladies in our show and we have...
Excuse me.
Can I have a word with you?
- But I...
- Excuse me.
- Listen to me, Wu...
- What?
It's your big chance to appear on TV.
You can help promote tourism in Penghu and make our village famous.
Famous my ass!
You're always screwing up.
I don't want to wipe your ass again.
No, you're not wiping my ass.
It's Fu's ass this time.
The deposit they gave me...
I paid off your mortgage with it.
Look".
Just look at those Rich 2Gs!
Haven't you heard a rich wife makes your life easier?
All your problems will be solved once and for all.
But I don't want to.
You're not in love with Yeh Fen-fen, are you?
What are you talking about?
Of course not.
Good.
I'll sign up for you.
Hi, we bring you a brand new season of our show.
It is still sponsored b)' Daphne.
Here we are on the beautiful seashore of Penghu.
Our new season begins now.
The Rich 2Gs from the Mainland are standing by.
Now it's time to introduce our young islanders.
First up is MacGyver.
Mr. MacGyver has been a Police officer for over 1O years during which he had busted three crimes.
Two of them turned themselves in and the other one was falsely prosecuted.
Our next islander.
Is a local official.
He's the village chief, like his grandfather and father.
He insisted on joining our show.
Ladies... you'll get to know them better.
Let me win.
No, I won't.
I'm not gonna lose.
Believe it or not.
You'll be the first Police officer to be transferred for fighting with the village chief for girls.
I'll tear your house down.
Next up, let's hear it for Mr. Green Tea.
Hi.
Hello.
And last, but not least.
Mr. Wu Si-shan.
With Mr. Wu Si-shan on board we have rounded up our young islanders.
The young men are all here, hopefully our ladies will get to know them better.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Yeh Fen-fen.
I'm here to show you... the classic Shanxi shaved noodles.
What are you doing?
The classic Shanxi shaved noodles.
Let me try.
If only I had the Shanxi aged vinegar.
Ihaveit
Shanxi aged vinegar.
Will it do?
Where did you get it?
From Taobao.
Wait!
So fussy.
L'['S yummy-
Do you feel it?
Yes, do.
Wow, you're good.
It took me two hours to make the soup.
I'm quite picky actually.
To be honest, your noodles are delicious.
Because I grew up in a boarding school
During term breaks,
I couldn't wait to go back to Shanxi and taste my Mom's shaved noodles.
But as I got busier at school my stay became shorter.
So I made it myself whenever I had a craving.
It was out of your love for your Morn.
Can you comb my hair, Daddy?
Yeah, I'll do it.
Can I do it for you?
Thank you.
Let's do that over here.
Finish the dishes, I'll comb her hair.
Turn around and around...
Tell me.
What hairstyle do you want?
You want to be the Greek goddes or cute and adorable?
Will you comb my hair again?
Who is it?
Wu?
Damn! 
Who is it?
Who did this?
Well, well...
Why are you upset, Ann?
Daddy forgot to sign my journal again.
My teacher told us not to put off today's work till tomorrow.
But Daddy always does that.
Humph!
Okay,
I'll tell him to do it right.
Humph!
Thank you.
Do your homework.
Hey.
You have a lump on your head, what happened?
Don't remind me.
Hey, Wu.
Help me put on the lotion.
And me.
Me too.
His head hurts.
And he's busy. 
Let me help you.
What are you doing? 
I'll put you under arrest.
Let me help you.
- No, I want him.
- Here, Wu.
I want Wu. 
Here, Wu.
No, I want Wu.
Me too, Wu.
- Here, Wu.
- Wait.
Hi, Wu.
You forgot to sign the journal, Wu.
Excuse me.
What are you doing here?
To have the journal signed.
Why don't you sign it?
Me? 
Who am I?
I'm not her Morn. 
Let her sign it.
Her parents are dead.
I adopted her.
I'm sorry.
Then I'll sign it.
Okay, let me do it.
Don't come here without an emergency.
It's boring here.
Boflng?
Really?
Don't come again.
We're busy.
Go back home.
Our eight participants are divided into pairs for the first time.
In our first game, we'll test their chemistry.
Can the boy protect the girl?
Can the girl support the boy?
Maybe they'll fall in love with each other in this game.
Let's root for them.
Wait...
I'm sorry.
Wait.
Excuse me.
Hey...
I told you not to come! 
Why are you here?
I already signed the journal.
I'm passing by.
There's no path here.
Go back home.
It's...
It's boring here.
Well...
You're playing games.
You don't want me to watch?
This is only for the show.
Then why do you want me to leave?
- I don't.
- Yes, you do.
- I don't.
- Yes, you do.
- Do not.
- Do too!
Come on, Wu! 
Let's go!
What are you doing? 
We have work to do.
Coming!
Go on home now.
I'm coming!
Ready?
You're home.
Why don't you help me?
You're cold-hearted.
Are you all right?
Not really.
Why did you keep coming?
You distracted me and I sprained my ankle.
Great.
So you don't have to go back.
It's nothing for us islanders.
Don't go.
Here.
You won?
It's a cell phone.
I worked hard for the prize.
You haven't taken pictures with a cell phone for a while.
Now you can use this.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm hungry-
I'm hurt and you want me to cook?
You expect me to do it?
Hey!
You'll have to wait!
Are you taking a picture of me?
Yes.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
The final is tomorrow.
I'm nervous.
The final...
But I don't want to go.
I don't think it's proper to lie about your feelings.
But you must keep your promise.
You must finish what you started.
You're hardly a good catch.
Don't be picky.
As you can see, ladies and gentlemen, there's a balloon above each young man and it's growing bigger and bigger.
If they don't make a choice soon the balloon will blow.
Like your heart
- is bound to break.
- Excuse me.
Okay.
The ladies... are waiting...
Mr. Wu Si-shan...
Who will you choose?
They're all waiting.
You're the most popular one.
Who is your choice?
L.
Still can't decide, Mr. Wu?
None of these ladies is suitable for you?
The balloon is about to blow.
It's your last chance.
On the Road to Love is waiting for your decision.
Come on, Mr. Wu.
Your last chance.
As you can see, ladies and gentlemen and the audience at home.
Mr. Wu didn't make his choice and his heart broke.
Come on!
They'll be here soon.
Come on.
They booked our place to celebrate.
If you don't want to help, give me that.
Hey.
Tell me...
Why were you so rigid?
The balloon was exploding and you didn't make your choice.
Maybe you want them all.
L.
No.1 is good.
She's thin and tall, with long legs.
Or No. 2?
No, her waistline is...
Mind your own business.
No.3
- is petite...
- Stop!
Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not.
- You feel guilty with your eyes wide-open.
Why do I feel guilty?
No.4?
She's got a great figure.
You're not much of a catch.
Stop it!
Don't be picky.
Pick one when they're here.
"When the sun sets slowly"
"When love sprouts between us"
"My love is like the ocean"
"Without limit"
"Keeping you in my heart"
"I'm in love with summer days"
"With you by my side"
"Sunshine, beach, bikinis and blue sky"
"I'm in love with summer days"
"Make a small wish"
"I'll love you forever"
"Penghu Cove"
"Penghu Cove"
"Our Penghu Cove"
Stop!
Would you be quiet?
Who the hell are you?
Take it up with me if you have complaints.
I'm coming.
- Keep singing.
- Sit down.
I'm sorry.
I'm here. 
Now what?
Stop it. 
They're guests.
I'm a guest too.
It's late.
Can you keep it down?
It's past our bedtime.
We're having fun drinking.
Get out of here if you don't drink.
Thank you.
You're such a pain. 
Get out of here!
Let me teach you a lesson...
- Wait!
- What?
Civilized people don't fight.
Here's the deal. 
How about a drinking contest?
- Yeah!
- Wait!
- Come on!
- You first. 
Come on!
Stop it!
You don't drink.
I don't drink, I gulp it down.
- Who's first?
- Wait!
Tell me your name before you drink.
I'm from Hangzhou. 
Where are you from?
I'm from Penghu.
Anyone else?
Hey.
Are you all right?
Five!
Stop it already.
Put it on.
It's windy.
You'll catch a cold.
Only my Morn was this nice to me.
It's natural for your Mom to be nice to you.
Take her to Penghu next time.
She's dead.
I'm sorry. 
I didn't know.
After my parents died my aunt and uncle took care of me.
They're really good to me.
But they...
They want to know everything.
I have to tell them where I am.
And people I hang out with.
They even arranged my marriage.
I can't breathe.
To have all aspects of your life arranged for you... how I envy you.
I'm not that lucky.
I have to take care of others deal with everything and wipe their asses too.
You wipe people's asses?
No, I mean...
Look at me.
I'm worried about my Dad and Ann.
And my brother.
And Dong too.
And this whole village and Penghu.
I'm exhausted.
Doesn't it feel good to have everything arranged?
Your family is good to you.
My family is good to me.
Will you be good to me?
Well...
I knew you're the bad guy.
You were watching that girl with big boobs.
I did not.
My uncle sent you to watch me, right?
You pushed me overboard.
My wallet and passport and everything I own went into the water.
And the cassette my Mom left me is down there as well.
You're the bad guy.
But I didn't mean it.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I'm sorry.
Where is the decompression chamber?
Go upstairs and turn left.
Upstairs.
He's okay now.
He hasn't decompressed properly.
He'll be okay once we drain the nitrogen.
Thank you.
You idiot!
I took care of the paperwork and paid the deposit.
Doc!
Hey.
Hey.
Feeling better?
I'm fine.
Well... ls this the cassette you mentioned?
Yes, this is it.
It was my parents' token of love.
When I was little, they always talked about coming out here together some day to see this beautiful blue ocean and at dusk, to sit hand in hand on the star-spangled beach and watch the sunset.
They never made it.
But you did.
So they must be here too.
I'm sorry.
Can you still use it?
You did that on purpose!
Daddy! 
NO power!
What?
I'm coming.
You have a visitor?
No-.
But there are five settings.
It's my parents' wedding anniversary.
My Dad used to come home to eat dinner with my Morn on this day.
And they would dance.
My Dad promised my Mom he would only dance with his wife.
It was their lifelong promise.
Wow!
It's so romantic.
If only someone would treat me like this.
I can promise you.
Okay.
L'['S yummy-
What's wrong?
I'm used to eating alone.
Everything tastes better when you have to fight for your food.
So I envy the fact that you eat dinner with your family.
Thank you.
Dad?
I want to go look for Fu.
I asked Mr. Xu to help.
He found him in Kaohsiung.
Bring him home.
Tell him whatever difficulties he's in as long as we stick together, we can solve anything and nothing's impossible.
What is this, Daddy?
Give it back to her!
It's important.
It can sing but we don't have the machine to make it sing.
Someone once said the old things you keep will be useful someday.
Dad!
You haven't listened to it for a while, right?
It must be a pirated edition.
But Dad...
Didn't you promise your wife to dance with her only?
But she told me
I can dance with my daughter-in-law.
Come here.
What did he tell you?
He said you're a lousy dancer.
I'm sorry.
I'm really lousy.
Old things are quite useless.
I'll go shower.
Who wants to marry him?
Over there.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Are you all right?
I'm fine.
Dad asked me to bring you home.
Look".
I'm sorry.
I'm glad to see you. 
Here.
Do me a favor.
- What?
- Give this to Wu.
There's nobody home. 
It's Fen's passport.
Be sure to give it to him.
- No problem.
- It's important.
Want some tea?
Tea? 
Unlike you, I'm very busy.
- Leave it to me.
- I've got to go.
See you around.
Fen.
Uncle.
You disappeared without a word.
Fortunately lsaw you on on that matchmaking show.
Why are you working here?
Did they force you?
No-.
No one forced me.
Uncle...
I'm not a child anymore.
I know what I'm doing.
But we don't know what you're doing.
Not a child?
Have you seen an adult run away from home?
While you were here, your uncle and I have been worried about you.
Especially Jack... he's worried sick.
Jack commissioned the best designer in New York and he brought it back to Shanxi.
Fen... if you marry Jack not only can you save your Mom's business but our company can go public in...
In NASDAQ.
Right, in NASDAQ.
It'll be a good beginning.
Can we not go public?
What?
It's not for you to decide.
Not only is your happiness at stake, but also everything your Morn worked for.
Let's go.
Think about it.
Officer Ma asked me to give you this.
Congratulations.
Have you found Fu?
Yes.
I'm hungry-
Can you cook your Penghu edition of Shanxi shaved noodles again?
Didn't you say it's not authentic?
It's not.
Please?
Okay.
What's wrong?
Too SPiCV-
Does it taste bad?
I got my new passport.
Really? 
Great.
I can take you to Kaohsiung.
We can visit Fu.
L got my passport
I need not bother you anymore.
Right.
I'm leaving in a couple of days.
So soon?
Thanks for having me.
Will...
Will you be back again?
Dong?
What do you want?
What's so mysterious?
They're Fen's uncle and aunt.
Have a seat.
How do you do?
Listen...
I don't want Fen to know we're having this conversation.
Okay.
Do you know what business we're in?
Fen never told me.
We make vinegar.
We make vinegar.
No wonder she's so fussy.
If I tell you Fen's getting married, will you be upset?
One glance upon you
I know you're reasonable.
And I'm reasonable too.
The village chief told me your family is in trouble.
I can help you.
Just fill in the amount.
During Fen's stay thank you for taking care of her.
Please come in.
Sir.
You're here at last.
Jack.
Uncle, aunt, long time no see.
A long time indeed.
Where's Fen?
I know you miss her.
Who are they?
I'm...
They're local chauffeurs.
They're local chauffeurs.
They're bringing Fen here later.
Hello.
Thank you.
You must be tired.
Get some rest.
That's a good idea.
Okay, excuse me.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Since Fen was a little girl, she has been most precious to my sister.
She'll be most precious to me too from now on.
You?
Who do you think you are?
I know money may not buy happiness.
But there's no happiness without money.
Take my check and find your own happiness.
Think twice.
Many people's happiness rides on your choice.
I don't want your money.
Hey!
Hey, Wu!
"L met Wu Si-shan."
"I took care of his money problem."
"Get ready to come home."
Hey.
You met my uncle?
No-.
You took his money?
No-.
You can tell me if you need help.
I can give you money.
I don't want your money.
You still like to solve problems with money.
Yeah.
Money may not mean anything to you.
But it means dignity to us.
Even if I lose my land and house andl have nowhere to go
I still don't want your money.
Please don't interrupt my life with money.
Hey.
Do you remember?
The other day when you reached out your hand to pull me into the ocean you promised me you'd never let go.
I lied.
I realize now you don't belong to the ocean.
I shouldn't have pulled you in.
We're not good enough for you.
Actually... a few words from you and our world will be totally different.
Dad.
Dad?
Do you have regrets for Morn?
At our age who doesn't?
I couldn't give her the best but I gave her everything I had.
You're young.
You can still choose to have no regrets in the future.
Don't be like me, plagued with regrets every day.
Wu!
Wu!
What?
I have good news and bad news.
Which one do you want first?
Not now. 
I'm going after Fen.
Wait!
What is more important?
Your house or Fen?
What do you mean?
Fen is getting married. 
Let her go.
Here's the bad news.
Seizure notice from the court.
So soon?
You're dead when you owe the bank money.
Look at you.
Here's some good news.
I took the money for your mental compensation.
It's enough to get your house back.
Here.
Why did you take the money?
Why not?
Listen.
I did it for you.
Fen cheated you and made a fool out of you.
Her family is rich.
It's only fair that I took money from them.
Fen is not that kind of a person.
Yes, she is.
Pull yourself together.
Why did she come to Penghu?
She wanted some excitement before getting married.
You were her excitement.
Stop it.
No, I won't stop.
Listen, she is a cheater.
A cheater in love. 
A wanton slut.
Wu!
You've wiped my ass for all these years but you have never hit me before.
Now you do it because of an outsider.
She is not an outsider.
Miss Yeh...
Mr. Wu asked me to give you this.
Thank you.
Two hearts locked together.
They say anyone in love can pick up a stone and if you throw it into the heart you'll see your true love appear in front of you.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the book launch of the well-known writer Yeh Fen-fen.
It's called "My Penghu Cove".
What is the book about?
Let's hear it for the beautiful writer
Yeh Fen-fen.
Welcome.
We have the best Shanxi seafood shaved noodles in Penghu.
- Hi there.
- Come on.
Have a seat.
We have the best Shanxi noodles.
Come on, let's go.
Step inside. 
Welcome.
The side dishes are ready.
You refused to inherit your family business and canceled a much anticipated big wedding.
Can you tell us what you've been through in the past year?
Can I borrow this?
What happened to you and what have you gone through?
Take a look at this.
A song called "Grandma's Penghu Cove"
brought me to
Penghu Cove,
And started a brand new lifestyle, which led me to write this book.
As far as I know, in her previous books all the characters and plots were fictional.
But this book is about a real person.
Who is he?
What is it about him that changed you?
He's a rigid man.
He's annoying and childish but diligent and simple too.
We had a promise.
Do you remember our promise?
I don't want to wait any longer.
Promise?
You made her a promise and not me?
I can't believe she remembers it.
Since she remembers go find her.
But she's in Xiamen, Dad.
Listen...
Your boat has wings.
How old are you, son?
Bring her back if you love her.
I miss her.
Bring her back!
Go on!
Go on, Wu!
Okay, I'll go.
Go for it, Wu!
If you pull her into the ocean don't ever let go.
If you find your true love don't run from it.
Go for it.

SUMMERTIME
- You didn't take any corn at all?
- No.
Antoine's parents are starting to plant it.
Sweetie, the day you have a husband, you can ask him to plant corn.
But if you keep letting them go one after another...
Your friends are faster.
I don't want to get married.
I don't want to get married.
What are you doing every night?
Getting home in the middle of the night.
I walk around.
Are you seeing anyone?
No.
- Is it Antoine?
- No.
You can't stay alone all your life.
Solitude is awful.
I'm getting married in September.
Who to?
Pierre Coubin.
You love him?
I don't know.
I don't really know him. 
I mean,
I've known him all my life, but I don't know if he'll make a good husband.
He seems nice.
He's ambitious, he wants to go live in Limoges.
Oh, yeah, very ambitious.
Do you want to stay here all your life?
Yeah.
I like everything here.
We need to move on, Delphine.
We're not kids anymore.
What happened between us doesn't matter to you?
It does.
Of course it does, but, it wasn't serious.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What are you doing here?
- Nothing, just walking.
You?
- You want it?
- No, thanks.
You'll get caught someday.
Will you go to the dance in Aubusson?
Dunno.
We could go together.
I don't know, Antoine.
We'll see.
Where's Delphine?
I don't know.
Delphine.
Delphine?
PARIS SPRING 1971
The President welcomed, this morning at the Élysée Palace, 11 mothers, with at least 10 children each.
Mr. Pompidou awarded them the Medal of the French Family.
And during an improvised speech, the president spoke about the role of family.
"Raising kids is a lot of work but it's rewarding."
"The notion of family is threatened by the current climate."
"A climate emphasized by the violence spreading everywhere."
"France can't become a dictatorship, but the government must act to stop this violence."
Hey!
- Hey, you're having fun?
- Yeah, it's your time for once!
- You're laughing now?
- Leave her alone!
Tarts!
Close the door!
Sluts!
Go fuck yourself!
You see how he acted?
If we had stolen his wallet, he'd run the same.
We did worse than steal his wallet. 
We stole his virility.
Thank god you were here.
- You don't scare easily!
- He was threatening.
- He wasn't that dangerous.
- Really?
He was crazy.
Was it a dare?
No, it was to show them how it feels.
When it's our arse it's normal, when it's theirs, they don't like it so much.
- Next time we do it to cops!
- Yeah!
What do you demonstrate for?
Women's rights.
The right to not be bothered in the street for starters.
The right to do what we want, when we want it, and with whoever we want to.
Don't you agree?
I don't know.
You don't feel like there are things you can't do because you're a woman?
I'm looking for a meeting, but I don't really know about what.
All I know is that there's women, and it's on Thursdays.
Oh, the hotheads? 
It's in the lecture theater on the right.
You're being sectarian!
Our strength is to blend.
What men need to understand is that for now, they don't belong here!
And I know what people'll say.
They'll say we're against men.
But we're not. 
We're not!
Besides, half the women here are involved with a guy.
We're not against men, we're for the women! 
For us!
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry but when there's a guy around, a woman's attitude changes.
Her speech is different.
And even an educated woman, when she's around a man, whether she knows him or not, she censors her speech and her thoughts.
What we want right now, is to get back our free speech without caring what the boyfriend, boss or dad will think of it, and talk between women.
OK, I agree with the separatism, but in this case, there's a journalist who wants to attend our meeting...
Down with the straight journalism!
Let everyone talk!
If even within Women's Lib we can't agree, we're doomed!
Men in the kitchen, women at the bar!
♪ Us who don't have history ♪
♪ from time immemorial, women ♪
♪ we're the dark continent ♪
♪ slave women, get up ♪
♪ and let's break our chains ♪
♪ Get up, get up, get up ♪
♪ women enslaved and humiliated ♪
♪ bought, sold and raped ♪
♪ women in every house ♪
♪ are kept out of the world ♪
♪ slave women, get up ♪
♪ and let's break our chains ♪
♪ Get up, get up, get up ♪
I really didn't envision you sitting at a desk all day long.
I envisionned you... doing something more physical.
Oh yeah? 
Like what?
Swimming teacher.
Yeah, you'd be good at that.
You need to be serious, focused, and it's physical.
- And what do you do?
- Guess.
It's too difficult, I barely know you.
You have two attempts, then you'll have a forfeit.
Saleswoman?
No, I'm not a saleswoman.
Last attempt.
Um... doctor?
Why do you think that?
Well, you speak well, so it means you studied, and you seem to care about others.
- Forget it, it's stupid.
- No, not at all.
I'm a teacher.
Spanish teacher.
So, what's the forfeit?
You must come to the next meeting Thursday.
Ah.
It's a strong sentence, but we have to compromise.
We're talking about people who never speak about themselves.
There's no union for prisoners, so if we don't represent them there's no point.
You know how feeble bourgeois journalists are.
Le Monde won't accept it.
If we don't stir up a hornets' nest...
How many articles about French prisons are there?
- Zero.
- We'll be the first ones, and it'll be shot down. 
It's stupid.
We're not gonna censure ourselves until Fauvert does it.
What's our goal here? 
To publish a good article, or to be published in Le Monde?
Being published in Le Monde would gives it importance.
We have something to say, we worked for a year, and in order to be published, we're gonna write what they want to read?
If it's just a reported speech, it's pointless. 
It's demagogic!
Demagogic? 
Really?
Of course it is.
Prison creates new criminals.
That's what we think.
Can you take my blue dress too?
Put it aside though, so I don't have to search for hours in your mess.
I know, I need to clean up.
- I don't have enough time.
- Oh, yeah, it's hard to do everything, free your sisters from the male superiority and clean your clothes.
Yeah.
What would I do without you?
Women can't live without men.
Chauvinist.
- Shrew.
- Boor.
- Virago.
- Supporter of slavery.
Suffragette.
- Pompidou's voter.
- Ah, no, no.
- No names!
- You didn't answer so you lost.
No, no, no, you're cheating. 
You're cheating!
- A punishment for you!
- Go ahead.
I won, I won.
Hey.
Delphine, you're here.
You missed a lot.
We laughed so much at Ménie Grégoire.
Everyone went on the set.
People were screaming,
- "Liberty! 
Liberty!" 
- Ah, Delphine.
Hey.
- How are you?
- I'm good, you?
I'm telling her about Ménie Grégoire.
Oh la la, it was something!
I thought she'd faint.
Wanna try?
The magazine really doesn't stick its neck out.
They say: "The 343 sluts:
it's either courage or exhibitionism."
Of course. 
Like their article is courageous.
It's OK.
- Sorry.
- It's OK. 
It's OK.
"We're calling on our sisters:
Let's demand, hand in hand, appropriate wages, on par with the work produced, and equal to men;
that women stop being treated as objects.
Meeting in Amphitheater B, April 23."
How are we doing with the banners?
On the fourth.
We need more, right?
- Maybe one.
- Yeah, it'll be better.
♪ This is the final orgasm ♪
♪ Let us sleep, and tomorrow ♪
♪ Dykes and queers ♪
♪ Will be the human race ♪
- You OK?
- Yeah.
You're on the pill?
No.
Why? 
Are you crazy?
You have to. 
I keep saying so to my students.
Discreetly though, I don't want to get fired.
Why don't you take it? 
You think it's too expensive?
- No, that's not it.
- My duty as a doctor, is to do everything possible to help a human life.
Whoever he is, regardless of race, sex, religion... and if we don't make any distinction based on race, religion or sex, why should we make one based on age?
What if one day we say that our seniors aren't humans, so we can simply kill them.
No, no. 
Medicine isn't on the side of death.
It's on the side of life.
So when women have the chance to be with child, but still want to abort,
I want to tell them:
"Be responsible. 
When you drive a car, you respect the traffic laws.
Well, pregnant women and their little passenger, it's life. 
It's a child to be born."
- My body is not a car!
- Here, a human life!
What's going on?
- Enough!
- Your mother should have done
- everyone a favor and abort!
- Asshole!
Fascist!
Stick it!
What are you doing?
Hurry up!
- For a free abortion law.
- Just don't fuck.
- You didn't fuck?
- Of course, but I was careful.
- How?
- We managed.
"Dear Antoine. 
Paris really is an incredible city."
"Even though I hadn't realized it before. 
Every day is different."
So much is happening here.
"I met a great girl."
"A great girl."
"An amazing girl."
"A fantastic girl."
"Her name's Carole."
Sorry, I probably got the wrong door.
- You're here for the meeting?
- Yes.
It's the right door. 
Come in.
- Get out!
- I'm being kicked out of my own place now.
We don't need you anymore.
- See ya.
- See ya.
- You good?
- Yeah.
- Isn't this Carole's?
- It is.
Carole and Manuel's. 
The boudoir.
He's not crazy at all. 
He is a specialist in literature, he is super smart, very funny.
But he's queer. 
So his fucking parents put him in a mental institution to cure him. 
Long live family.
Adeline, for us it's a no, we don't deal with such cases, that's all.
We have to stay on point:
abortion, contraception, otherwise we're gonna divide ourselves.
So I should leave my best friend there enduring electroshocks, and maybe a lobotomy, just because it's not what we fight for, and it's too far away?
That's not what we said.
Wait, it's legal to do that to someone?
Yes it's legal, and that's the problem.
Put a queer in a mental institution is legal.
So, what's your plan?
My plan's easy. 
We go there and we grab him.
I'm sorry, Adeline, but it's not our business to handle men's problems.
We're not gonna start messing with minority groups' struggles.
Minority? 
You've got a nerve to say that.
I fight for the pill, but it's not my girlfriend's who's gonna knock me up.
- I'm really disappointed in you guys.
- Don't take it personally.
We pick the fights, we have to be coherent. 
We can't disperse like that.
It doesn't have to be done under the Women's Lib's flag.
- Obviously.
- Well, that's it then.
I don't get it. 
Adeline is always the first to support you, she always sticks with you no matter what, she was there for Chambart, and you can't even be there for her?
Thanks a lot. 
Thank you.
It's her best friend, seriously.
- Carole, come on, you're coming?
- I don't know.
What? 
Do you need your boyfriend's approval?
What's up with you?
- You don't go, but I will.
- It's stupid.
One group goes to Plessis-Robinson, the other one goes to grab your friend.
Why did you change your mind?
I'm going to be there for my friend.
That's a very good reason.
So, you go this way.
- And the second right...
- On the map, we're there.
But I was thinking about taking this blue path.
- No, you can't. 
That's a stream.
- Ah.
Maybe if you row, but otherwise, I don't think so.
I'm sorry, my husband always says I can't read a map.
- Yes.
- We're gonna make it.
We're here, and the castle's there.
- No, madam, look.
- Where are we? 
We're here, right?
Not at all, Mrs.
Give me your hand.
Hey!
- Stop!
- Go, go, go!
Where are you going?
I can't open my eyes anymore.
- Hello, auntie.
- Hello, sweetie.
- Are you OK?
- Yes.
- I'm happy to see you.
- Me too.
- This is my aunt: 
Hélène.
- Hello, ma'am.
- What's going on?
- Just a little accident.
Nothing serious.
- Are you sure?
- We made a crazy turn.
- You want anything to drink?
- Oh, yes, please, good idea.
You OK, Guitou?
He's coming back.
Here we are.
Here.
I've never been in the south before.
It's weird.
Don't drag too much.
No, not that, the landscape.
It's different back home.
It always feels like the soil is drenched.
Here when you walk, the soil is hard.
Your foot bounces back, it gives you momentum.
Back home, even in the summer, your foot sinks in.
As if the soil was going to swallow it.
As if you have to fight just to walk.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
We're out of sleeping bags.
I never fought with a man, it's always with women back at the dojo.
Cheers.
In the country, it's like an unwritten law.
- Here, taste this.
- Thank you.
For example, my mother doesn't have a salary, no social security, no checkbook.
But she works all day long.
And when a decision must be made about the farm,
- she doesn't have a say.
- It's crazy.
Shift your weight back, push him forward, you pin him and you do an armlock.
- Oh.
- Do that really fast.
If you do that, he can't move.
Why didn't you say something during the meetings?
I thought no one would be interested to hear about it.
Are you kidding? 
Everyone would have loved to hear about it.
That's exactly against such things we're fighting for.
- Adeline.
- No, wait, wait.
- I'm embarrassed.
- Why?
Thanks.
I don't want to talk about it in front of everyone.
Can I sleep in your bed?
Adeline snores like a trooper.
Sure.
Thanks.
What?
The situation at the farm can't keep going. 
You need to take it back.
You need to do a farmers collective or something. 
Something unique.
- Did you smoke again?
- Barely.
What?
I never said I wanted to kick my dad out of the farm.
You're a chicken.
- No.
- Yes, like most women.
Men still have a bright future.
What are you doing?
Go away, Carole. 
Go sleep elsewhere.
It's OK, it's no big deal.
- We drank too much.
- No, you drank too much.
Go away, Carole!
"I was sixteen and a half.
I was in a coed high school.
I was sick, and I didn't have my period, so a friend told me:
'You're pregnant.' She gave me the address of a doctor in Pigalle.
The first time I went to see him, he was on a first name basis with me.
He told me, 'You're one month pregnant.'
I was panicked and completely disoriented.
He asked me: 'What are you gonna do?
' I had no idea.
I didn't want to get married.
I didn't have a boyfriend.
The father was in La Rochelle,
I had no way to reach him... "
Hello.
Hey.
You weren't at the meeting yesterday.
No, I didn't feel like it.
Look, I wanted to tell you about last time,
I'm not shocked, not at all.
I...
I was just taken aback.
But...
I mean...
I have lesbian friends, but I'm not, that's all.
Me neither.
I'm taking the banners.
- Well, you're pretty late.
- Yeah, yeah, don't tell me off.
I don't. 
Take the banners instead.
You OK?
Yeah, I'm fine.
We can make the first trip.
Put everything in the car.
We need to be first in the rally.
Who's taking that?
Delphine.
Let's go to your place.
What the hell are you talking about?
Is it to prove to yourself you're a free woman?
I'm not trying to prove anything.
I didn't wake up one morning thinking
"Oh, today I'm sleeping with a girl."
It happened, that's all.
I thought it'd only be a one-time thing.
- But it's lasting, and...
- What? 
You want to break up?
No, otherwise I wouldn't tell you about it.
Is it just a sex thing or are you in love?
I don't know, Manuel.
I don't know.
Are you seeing her today?
I don't know.
You're lying.
I know you.
You dislike lying so much, when you have, you become all yellow.
I swear.
It's not a sure thing, but we might see each other.
OK.
Find a place to spend the night then.
You're not coming in our bed after you fucked her.
No!
Calm down, calm down, calm down.
Bad girl.
Shh.
Oh, come on.
Down with the bourgeoise society!
Te quiero.
- Te quiero.
- Te quiero?
Mi amor.
Mi amor.
Me gustan tus pechos.
- What does it mean?
- Repeat it.
- Me gustan...
- Tus pechos.
- Tus pechos.
- Good.
Me gustan... what does it mean.
Nothing.
- That's the "pechos"?
- Yes!
Ah, the pechos. 
Yeah, me gustan tus pechos.
You've got it, my love!
Hey.
Hello. 
Miss Vinatier?
- Yes.
- I have a telegram for you.
I don't get it.
If he was tired, why didn't he stop?
He didn't look tired, he was like usual.
I didn't see it coming.
Just the day before, he was running around.
You know how he is.
Then, yesterday morning, he was loading some cans, and I saw him fall on the ground.
The doctors told me, there's no warning signs for that type of thing.
We're lucky he's still here.
Does it look like we're lucky?
It's hard for me too.
I...
I thought about it, and I don't have a choice.
I don't have a brother, an uncle or a cousin. 
If I don't do it, no one else will.
Are you crazy? 
You can't cut yourself off again out there.
It's too much for my mom!
And we can't afford a farm hand.
We're just starting something you and I...
You can't tell me that over the phone like that, Delphine. 
We need to meet.
I'm on my way. 
Where are you?
Not now, Carole.
It's OK.
I'm sure she's gonna come back.
She loves you, it's obvious.
What's going on?
I waited here, because she's not feeling well.
Did you know the Liéjard brothers are ready to buy your farm?
Your father had been at the hospital for less than a day, and they were already talking about it to your mother.
Bunch of jerks.
She didn't even tell him. 
In their dreams!
You changed.
I did?
Yeah, I don't know.
You look less childish, more woman.
Or maybe more Parisian.
That's funny. 
In Paris, I always felt like a ninny, and you tell me I look more Parisian.
You know,
I'm really sorry about Maurice.
But I'm really happy you're here.
Stop going through your father's things, he doesn't like it.
I have a meeting with the bank.
Why?
To pay the share.
Do you have a health insurance policy?
No. 
We're not gonna pay two of them.
We're not as rich as the Giscards.
Seven letters.
- How many letters?
- We're going to have to shell out.
Guys, regarding the purchase of the agricultural equipment:
we're only getting a combine harvester,
- every agrees?
- Yes.
I think it's too expensive.
We should renegotiate the price.
- You're getting cold feet again?
- No, I'm not!
But we're not as rich as Croesus.
Once we've settled on the model we want, we'll calculate everybody's share, and we'll get your checks.
- I'll come pick everyone's check...
- Yeah, Antoine will pick them up.
- OK for everyone?
- About Maurice, what do we do?
I'll pay our share.
So, if you pay the share,
I'll have to schedule a bank appointment for you.
No, that's fine. 
I have an appointment early next week.
You took an appointment on your own?
Well, yeah.
It's my role as president of the cooperative so you should have told me, and we would have come with you.
You would have been more credible.
I thought it would be faster that way.
Maybe, but that's not how we do it.
It's not correct.
Well, if the appointment is scheduled, we'll see...
- So...
- We need to appoint drivers too.
Your father woke up!
- What?
- Your father woke up!
They say he's still weak, but he's conscious. 
He doesn't speak but he can understand.
Don't take that many, you're only leaving for a few days.
He loves the wild boar one.
You know he's a big eater.
Ouch. 
We look like two little girls running around.
Kiss him hello for me.
- If you have a problem, call Antoine.
- Yeah, don't worry.
Kiss him for me!
You said working the land was non-stop work, but it feels OK to me.
That's because I woke up at 4:00 am to do everything before you arrive.
Really? 
You must be exhausted.
No, I'm OK. 
I still have energy.
What kind of energy?
Come on, go, go, go!
Go, go, go!
Come on, Laura!
Stop! 
Stop!
Come on, Margot!
What's missing... ah, the jug of water.
When I was a kid, we'd play house, and I didn't feel anything when I kissed boys.
One day, there weren't enough boys, so I played the dad.
I kissed a girl and it really made an impression.
And then?
Then I slept with a girl for the first time.
How old were you?
I was 16 and she was 22.
Was she from around here?
No, a city girl, like you.
She was on holidays near our place.
My parents were completely in the dark. 
They were happy that I made friends with a college girl, from Limoges.
And then?
What "then"?
Don't make me believe there was no one between your 16 years old and now.
I had a heartache with a girl from here.
And then I met you.
I knew it.
I knew it, but I couldn't believe you'd do that.
You're pathetic.
You say you're confused, that you don't wanna break up, and ten days later you go join her for the weekend, without even warning me.
You must be joking.
Are you waiting for my approval?
You have no self-discipline, Carole.
None.
Commitment is not just in the amphitheater with your friends.
It's in your life too.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Let's get him out.
Help me.
Give me his bathrobe.
Thank you.
No need to thank me.
Are you certain of what you're doing?
I just left her and I already miss her.
I really miss her, you know?
I never felt this way before. 
So I'm going back,
I don't have a choice.
I never wanted for you to miss me.
What I loved about you is that you didn't need me, that you were free, and strong.
So what are you saying now?
That love, for you, is not being able to stay apart from someone?
Chasing someone, tongue rolling out, like in cartoons?
- That's not you, Carole.
- Maybe.
I don't know anymore,
I just let myself drift away by my feelings.
I don't want to debate about this.
You don't have to stop thinking either.
Mom?
A friend from Paris will come visit us for a few days, if you don't mind.
I don't. 
Quite the opposite actually.
It's good for you, it'll take your mind off things.
Between handling the farm and your father, you deserve some entertainment.
Is she a colleague of yours?
Yeah.
She just left her boyfriend, so she needs to take a break.
- Do they have kids?
- No.
Oh, it's easier then.
She'll take Grandma's bedroom.
It's the most comfortable one.
Oh my god!
I gotta warn you, we won't sleep in the same room.
Why?
My dad just had a heart attack a month ago,
I don't want my mom to have one as well.
We're gonna take it easy, OK?
OK.
Dad.
This is Carole, she came to see me.
Hello, sir.
Delphine told me a lot about you,
I'm really glad to meet you.
See you later.
What kind of work do you do at Félix Potin?
Oh, but I don't work at Félix Potin at all.
Well, I thought...
I'm a Spanish teacher.
We met at a women's group.
What kind of group?
Uh, a pottery group, just for women.
They're workshops around the material.
We work on the feelings, we sculpt, we knead.
We work with clay.
It's pleasurable, and very relaxing.
You do that kind of thing?
Oh yeah, and she's very gifted.
She makes cute little vases, you'll see.
- Right, Delphine?
- Hmm.
Is that dessert? 
Can I?
- I'm gonna get you a plate.
- Oh no, don't bother.
Shh.
- Up already?
- Yeah.
- You didn't sleep well?
- I did, but I'm coming with you.
- We're gonna go work.
- I know.
- Do you want some coffee?
- Yes.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
Thank you.
That's no work for a teacher.
Oh, am I too slow?
No, no. 
It's just that if I didn't have to do it, I wouldn't.
Really?
- But you're proud of what you do?
- Proud? 
No.
Why would I be?
You and your daughter manage to keep the farm running, that's not nothing.
It's the proof that a farm can be managed by women.
It's true that women are as good as men for work, but that's not how it's done.
- What?
- Nothing.
Here.
It's easier with a man, don't you agree?
I didn't say anything.
What do you have against men?
What?
- What?
- Nothing...
What you do is marvelous.
You should be proud, Monique.
Got it.
Look.
Touch it.
Ah, Monique!
Come dance!
♪ tu m'allumes, le matin tu m'éteins ♪
- You're not tired?
- Come on!
Come on, Monique.
Come on, come on. 
Come on, Monique.
Come on, come on.
Come on!
Come on, come on, come on.
♪ Mon chéri ♪
♪ Hello chéri ♪
♪ Toi, tu me fais de l'électricité, ♪ ♪ Tu fais monter ma tension, Monique ♪
♪ ... 
I'électrici... ♪
♪ Moi, I'électrici... 
Moi, I'électricité ♪
Monique!
You're awesome.
I didn't even touch you yet.
- Did you feel it?
- No.
You see.
- And now?
- No.
- Did you tell him we made hay?
- He doesn't understand what we say.
Of course he does. 
Right, Dad?
We made hay.
We have to talk to him.
That's what keeps him alive.
You can bury your head in the sand. 
I see what I see.
Sorry. 
Here.
Do it!
Come on, Delphine!
- To Delphine being back, and welcome to...
- Carole.
I'm Josette. 
To Carole and Delphine.
Cheers.
- So, was it good in Paris?
- Yeah.
- I did unexpected things.
- Like what?
Politics.
Politics?
You're gonna do a kolkhoz?
Maybe not a cooperative, but making sure women get a salary for the work they do would be a great start.
I do have a salary. 
My husband's salary.
It's already nice that she can dip into it, no?
Yes.
It seems nice.
Do you want a drink?
No, thanks. 
I can't right now.
Well, I feel like drinking tonight.
It's well deserved, look.
Practice makes perfect.
How long have you known Delphine?
Since forever.
What was she like as a kid?
Like now.
You know, you can't know someone in just three months.
Delphine won't leave.
Really?
How can you be certain?
Have you seen Maurice?
He'll never be able to handle the farm.
And Delphine would rather die than sell it. 
I know that.
♪ together oppressed, women ♪
♪ together we revolt ♪
- ♪ get up ♪ 
- Shh.
You're gonna wake up my folks.
I doubt I'll wake up your dad.
Hello!
Stop, please.
Sorry, we drank a little bit too much.
"Relax, we're gonna work on our own today. 
I love you."
I can't figure out if Delphine really likes this life, or if she can't imagine something else.
I'm sure she could do a ton of other things.
Your daughter's smart.
But you know that.
She's an egg-head.
You know...
I'm not here to make hay.
Or to be on holidays in the countryside.
I don't care about the countryside at all.
I came here because of your daughter.
Because I love her.
There, I said it.
I'm crazy about her.
I never thought I could love someone like this.
I've got it.
Delphine.
Don't you miss Paris?
No, not really.
When we met, you seemed to like it.
That's because you were there.
If you had been on Mars, I would have liked Mars too.
You're a sweet-talker.
I didn't think one day, I'd miss Paris.
The smell of fumes.
The car horns.
The coffee I drink at the bar before going to work.
Sitting between a worker and a boss, and everyone has the same status for five minutes.
I even miss the cops.
Thank you. 
I'll see you tomorrow.
- Hey.
- We found out what caused the explosion.
The main gas line ignited.
So we're looking for a dangerous fugitive on the FBI's most wanted list, and the second we step into his house, it explodes?
Yeah. 
Quite the coincidence.
No. 
Sonny connan's been on the run for what, 20 years?
How has he stayed ahead of the FBI?
By being meticulous, by covering his tracks.
So my father's girlfriend recognizes him.
He gets nervous. 
What does he do?
He rigs the gas line.
He sees us pull up in your government agent-mobile, and he blows the place up to cover his escape.
Makes sense to me, but we don't have any proof.
The forensics teams didn't recover much in the fire damage, and... do you remember seeing something suspicious?
- Any detail at all?
- No. 
It's just a blur.
It's okay. 
Something will turn up eventually.
- What are you doing?
- Leaving.
No, you can't. 
The doctor just said.
Yeah, that's because she's afraid of a malpractice suit.
I can't think here.
The bad food and the monitors and the sick people, not to mention the constant cavalcade of nurses coming in and out, poking and prodding.
No. 
I am going home.
Max: 
Doc, what are you doing?
Immersing myself in all things Sonny Coonan.
Trying to find something to help me solve this case.
It's fascinating.
You know what else is fascinating?
This crossword, which you should be doing instead.
The doctor said you need to take it easy, all right?
Stick to your routine, not get agitated.
And these books are getting you agitated.
You're agitating me.
I thought coming home would be an improvement, but you're worse than the hospital drones.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't want this.
You want me to cut up some cantaloupe instead?
I want pancakes.
Pancakes?
Well, what about the whole no-gluten thingy?
After everything that happened, I-I think I'm entitled to live a little.
And... and right now, living means a big stack of buttery, syrupy pancakes.
I'll see what I can whip up.
What?
Come on. 
There's a misprint in the puzzle.
There is?
Right... right there, 38 down.
Uh... 
Hmm.
Actually, Doc, you made a mistake with 45 across.
What?
Yeah. 
Eight-letter word starting with "p."
The clue is "not out of the question."
The right answer is "possible."
You wrote "passport."
Why did I miss that?
Doc [Sighs] maybe this is a sign of residual cognitive impairment.
I-I mean, you just need...
I need to see Kate.
Passport...
I saw a passport in Ruby's house before it blew up.
- Tell me everything you remember.
- Well, you... 
You were outside.
I was sifting through the mail, and I saw it.
And... and I think I saw the picture.
Was it this guy?
T-that [Sighs].
I don't know, I don't know.
He's probably had plastic surgery to look different anyway.
- What about a name?
- That's what I've been... 
I've been...
[Sighs] I can't remember that either. 
I'm sorry.
That's okay. 
This is still good. 
Now, we assume that Coonan has at least a couple different aliases, but getting a passport in this day and age is difficult.
It takes years to build up the bona fides to apply for one, so he probably travels using that one solid alias.
If he blew up the house because he thought he'd been made, then he probably plans on skipping town, but he's gonna need a new passport.
He'll probably try to get one using that same name.
I'm gonna pull the names of every man over 60 who renewed his passport in the last week.
Oh, the calla lilies are gonna have to wait.
What? 
Uh, calla lilies?
Uh, we're just picking out centerpieces...
- For the wedding.
- Oh. 
Right.
Great.
Daniel: 
This is the final frontier.
We are entering the most uncharted territory known to man, and we don't need a spaceship to get there.
There are over 200 billion stars in the milky way, but there are over 200 trillion neural connections in our brains.
This provides us not only with a great opportunity, but also with an opportunity to be great, because we get to explore the brain, etch our names into the annals of history alongside people like Cortés and Neil Armstrong.
You... what's your name?
Uh, you usually call me "Cheech"...
And sometimes "Chong."
[Students giggling]
Uh, my name's Tyler.
Tyler, aren't you excited that you get to discover how the medulla oblongata regulates autonomic bodily functions or how the... 
The medial fee pront...
The medial...
The pre-fontal...
Max: 
Doc?
Why are we wasting such a beautiful day cooped up inside?
Look out there.
We should be out there...
Exploring!
Everybody go. 
Go on. 
Everybody go, go.
Spend the rest of the day engaging your brains.
Go forth!
Make bad decisions.
Discover something!
[Bird chirping]
Daniel, what are you doing?
Listening to a symphony.
But you don't have your headphones on, buddy.
Not that symphony.
The birds, trees...
[Woman laughs]
That girl laughing, the sound a ball makes when it smacks into the leather like that.
It's beautiful.
Daniel, are you okay?
I'm better than okay.
[Laughing] I'm great.
Is that why you sent your students outside
- instead of lecture?
- Paul, Paul, listen!
That's the lecture.
I just wanted to make sure it didn't have anything to do with the slip-up.
What slip-up?
Heard you got a little tongue-tied.
You can tell that Benedict Arnold teaching assistant of mine that I am fine...
And he is fired.
Daniel, look, I-I know that you are brilliant and proud, but you've had some serious head trauma.
Maybe that explosion affected you.
You're right, Paul.
It did.
[Door opens] Kate: 
Ah.
So, I had to pull some teeth, but I was able to compile a list of about 200 men in the area roughly the same age as Sonny Coonan who recently applied to renew their passport.
Hoping you can take a look, see if any of the names pop out.
Yeah, yeah. 
Just... just a second. 
Listen... 
listen to this.
"The data showed that patients with traumatic brain injury
"were 1.6 times more likely to experience schizophrenic symptoms or psychosis."
Well, that's fascinating, Daniel.
So I'm wondering, could the inverse be true?
- What do you mean?
- Well, schizophrenia's a mystery, right?
Nobody knows where it comes from. 
So if... if brain trauma can cause it, is it possible that... that an injury could take it away?
Where is this coming from?
I haven't had any hallucinations or heard any voices since the explosion.
That's great. 
I'm so glad you're feeling better.
No, you don't understand.
Kate, I haven't felt like this since I was 18 or 19, since before my diagnosis.
You think you've been cured?
No. 
There's no cure for schizophrenia, a-a-and it's only been a week.
It's something I'll have to monitor over time.
But... but...
Daniel?
I'm just...
I'm thinking about all the things I've wanted but thought I could never have because of my condition.
Like what?
[Door opens] Like...
Doc, your dad just called from a Michigan area code.
Michigan?
He said he needed to speak to you right away.
Then we got cut off. 
He sounded really agitated.
I tried calling back, but there was no answer, so I called the assisted-living facility.
They said he left yesterday, with a family member?
Let me see the number he called from.
This is our family lake house in Saugatuck.
We haven't been up there since I was a kid.
What the hell would he be doing up there?
I don't know, but don't we need to find out?
I'll take you. 
I'll call the Saugatuck police, have them drop by the house.
[Knock on door]
Oh, you must be Mr. Daniel.
Thank god you're here.
Your father is not well.
Wha...
Daniel, it was a great idea to bring Kate.
What the hell is going on, Dad? 
Did the police come?
I sent them away. 
I don't need them.
I need you.
Something terrible has happened to your cousin Roger.
Dad, you're... 
You're confused.
I don't have a cousin Roger.
Woman: 
Oh, yes, you do.
Mom?
No, no, no, no, no.
You can't be here. 
You're dead.
No, I'm not.
But your cousin Roger is.
Honey, you're bleeding.
[Echoing] Daniel, Daniel, stay with me.
[Normal voice] Stay with me, Daniel.
Check his vitals.
- What happened?
- He was injured in an explosion.
- When?
- About 20 minutes ago.
Get a line on him.
[Monitor beeps]
Kate.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
E.M.S. checked me out at the scene.
Daniel's hurt pretty bad, though.
[Sighs]
- They told you anything?
- They're still working on him.
What the hell happened?
Okay, Daniel's father's girlfriend who has Alzheimer's told us this crazy story about how Sonny Coonan was renting her house.
We went over there, just as a favor to check it out.
I wanted to go in, but there was smoke and flames and...
Daniel.
I thought for sure that Daniel was dead.
But he was blown clear.
Thank god you're both alive.
We've stabilized him, but he's in critical condition.
We need to notify his next of kin.
Daniel's assistant can get you in touch with his father, but you should know that he has Alzheimer's.
I still need to talk to him.
He's got a subdural hematoma which most likely occurred when he slammed his head into the ground, and now the brain tissue is swelling.
How did this happen?
I told you, Mr. Pierce, there was an explosion.
Who the hell are you?
Max Lewicki. 
I work for your son.
How bad is it?
It can be fatal.
We've induced a coma in hope of reducing the blood flow and containing the swelling, but it doesn't seem to be working.
So, what do you do?
I recommend a decompressive craniectomy.
We temporarily remove a piece of Daniel's skull to relieve some pressure.
But there is a risk of postsurgical cognitive impairment.
English, please!
It means the surgery could leave Doc with brain damage.
Mr. Pierce...
Have you ever discussed a situation like this with your son?
What to do if he's blown up in a house?
You have to decide if we do the craniectomy.
It is possible that the swelling will go down on its own, but I don't think it's likely.
I think surgery gives him the best chance.
What should I do?
Kate?
I think that he should have the surgery.
Look, a-all due respect...
I don't think Doc would want it.
I-I think he'd take the chance that he'd get better on his own.
How can you say that?
Kate, I want him to pull through as much as anyone.
But... but imagine if Doc couldn't do his research or... or teach or do his puzzles or... or work with you.
I don't think Doc would want to live that way.
[Knock on door]
Sorry to intrude.
I came as soon as I heard.
Donnie says that you're in here, making decisions about Daniel.
Well, the last time he was hospitalized, he gave me his medical power of attorney.
Then you have a big decision to make.
[Chuckling] You have put me in a real bind here, you son of a bitch. [Sniffles]
Kate: 
Daniel, what are you doing?
Daniel? 
Daniel!
What are you doing, Daniel?
Trying to figure out why I'm here.
We're here because your father called. 
Remember?
Yeah, but that can't be right.
Some-something else is going on.
You know, most of my best memories of growing up are from this place.
My grandmother taught me how to play on this piano.
Right there.
Out on the lake, that's where I learned to swim.
Look at this. [Chuckles]
"The Murder of Roger Ackroyd."
Agatha Christie.
I read this book so many times here, I lost count.
You know your mom's out on the patio.
She's worried sick about you.
You can see my mom, too?
Of course I can.
- She isn't a hallucination?
- No.
She's dead, right?
Yeah.
Maybe that means you are, too.
This is a place that you love. 
Maybe it's heaven.
Yeah, I-I know you believe in all that eternal salvation mumbo jumbo, but there's not a chance in hell this is happening.
How can you be so sure?
Because if I'm having this conversation with you, it means my mind is still working.
If I was dead, it'd be game over, lights out, thanks for playing.
- Then why are you here?
- I don't know.
[Sighs]
You know, when... when we got here, there was a guy shot dead on this sofa.
My dad said it was my cousin Roger.
So it's a mystery.
Yeah.
Maybe that's why I'm here.
Maybe I need to solve it.
[Monitor beeping]
I've told Dr. Bowen to go ahead and do the surgery.
Craniectomy went well.
It reduced the pressure.
Daniel's stable.
- So he's gonna be okay?
- I hope so.
It may be a while before we know for sure.
[Monitor beeping]
Daniel: [Echoing] So, tell us exactly...
What happened last night.
Well, someone shot and killed your cousin Roger.
And the killer had to come from within the house because the whole place was locked up tight as a drum.
But to fully understand last night, you have to know what happened between your father and your uncle Jack 50 years ago.
He made a pass at your mother at our wedding.
They hadn't spoken in years.
And then, a couple weeks ago,
Jack calls your father and wants to get together at the lake house to bury the hatchet.
Jack.
Margaret: 
So, Jack shows up with his son Roger and Roger's new bride, Alice.
Let me go lie down upstairs.
I've got a headache.
It might have something to do with the gallon of chardonnay you drank on the way up here.
You're such a pig!
So, how long was Alice upstairs?
All through dinner.
Unfortunately, it was the only part of dinner that we enjoyed.
Now, he says he wants to run my company, but he can't handle responsibility.
[Scoffs] I can't wait till next month.
What happens next month?
He turns 35, and his trust vests.
And I won't have to listen to your crap anymore.
Ah.
Who gets the money now that Roger's dead?
I don't know.
So, what happened after dinner?
We retired to the drawing room to have cognac.
Roger: 
That one up there... 
She spends money like we print it ourselves.
I had to cut her off completely.
If you don't like providing for your wife, you should never have gotten married.
We're not talking about groceries.
This is about her addiction to handbags and shoes.
- She's killing me.
- I wish I had the guts.
Margaret: 
They were going on and on, and your father and I became so uncomfortable.
James: 
And then Jack just lost it.
You spoiled brat!
I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!
James: 
Jack. 
Jack.
Well, it sounds like neither Jack nor Alice liked Roger very much.
The money from the trust probably reverts back to Jack now that Roger's dead, and Alice is most likely the sole beneficiary of the life-insurance policy.
So they both had motive.
Right. 
Question is who had opportunity?
Mrs. Pierce, what can you tell me about the shooting?
Not much.
Um, James and I were asleep in bed when we heard the gunshots, and then James ran downstairs.
That's when I saw Alice hunched over Roger's body.
Alice: 
I heard shots.
I came out of my room, and I ran downstairs.
That's where I saw him.
Everyone says they heard you two arguing all night.
You don't think I did anything to him, do you?
I mean, of course we fought.
That was just our way.
I studied...
I studied theater in college.
I've... 
Always been dramatic.
Did anybody else see you come out of your room?
I ran past Jack in the hallway.
Jack: 
See my nephew in 40 years.
The first thing he does...
Accuse me of killing my son.
Well, I'm sorry, uncle Jack, but I do have a murder to solve, and I would like to know what happens to the money in Roger's trust now that he's dead.
It reverts to me.
But that doesn't mean I killed him.
I'm already filthy rich.
Everyone heard you threaten Roger after dinner.
[Sighs] Look...
Roger did not exactly fill my heart with pride and joy, but he was my son.
I'd never hurt him.
Alice said she saw you in the hallway when she came out of her room.
Maybe it was just on your way back from shooting Roger.
Celia, the maid, can vouch for me.
I'd just come out of my room, too.
It's true.
Me and Mr. Jack came out of our rooms at the same time.
Then Mrs. Alice came out of hers.
She ran downstairs, and I heard her scream.
Well, something's not right.
Roger was murdered downstairs in the living room, but everybody was upstairs asleep when the gun was fired.
Not Mr. James.
After the shooting,
I saw him come out of the kitchen with a sandwich.
I should get back to my work now.
Your mom and dad said that they were asleep together upstairs.
- Why would they lie?
- I don't know.
You need to consider the possibility that one of them is the murderer.
And the other one's covering it up.
You are forgetting one very important thing.
- What's that?
- None of this is real.
I know.
It's still making my head hurt.
Doctor: [Echoing] Daniel...
Can you hear me?
Daniel, Daniel?
[Normal voice] You're at Chicago Western.
You've had an operation.
You're stable, and you're gonna be okay.
Can you tell me how you feel?
Don't worry about it, Daniel.
Try to get some rest.
We'll worry about talking later.
It's been three days since the surgery.
Why isn't he talking yet?
Problems communicating aren't uncommon after injuries like this, but we do have to consider another possibility.
This is not your typical patient we're dealing with.
Daniel's a schizophrenic.
What are you saying?
Maybe he's in some kind of acute psychotic fugue state, or maybe he's catatonic. 
I don't know.
I was afraid of this.
How can we help him?
Talk to him.
Try to keep his brain active and engaged.
Max: 
No pressure if you're not up to talking, but, uh, I thought you might want to check out a crossword.
What do you say, Doc? 
[Sighs]
I downloaded your favorites.
Uh, no Strauss, I promise.
[Classical music plays]
We found a few burnt pieces of a passport.
The name on the lease was Jared Smith...
Obviously one of Coonan's aliases.
Ruby's nephew says that he pays the rent in cash, mostly keeps to himself.
We figure he's getting ready to flee the country, so he's definitely gonna need a new passport, so we're looking into all of the Jared Smiths who recently applied for renewals.
So far, nothing.
To be honest with you, we're [Chuckling] we're spinning our wheels a little.
I'd really like to talk to you about it.
Come on, say something, anything.
Come on, buddy. 
Don't leave me hanging.
Two hits?
!
That's all your precious cubbies could muster is two lousy hits?
The White Sox, on the other hand, lit up the cubs for 7 runs on 11 hits.
God, I love Interleague Play.
I'm sorry I wasn't there for you the first time you got sick, Daniel.
But I'm here now.
- Gin!
- Come on, Daniel. 
Just try.
Come on, Daniel! 
Yell at me!
Snap out of it, son.
Come on, Doc, pick it up.
Do something! 
Please!
You know, I've been racking my brain, trying to figure out why it is you won't talk to us.
And just right now, I finally figured it out.
It's got nothing to do with your disease or the surgery.
It's about you being a stubborn asshole, Doc.
Kate: 
Come on, Daniel.
I need your help here.
We're trying to solve a murder, remember?
We've got to get your parents to tell us the truth.
It's better if I do it alone.
Why did you lie, Mom?
To protect your father.
Did he kill Roger?
I don't think so, but he did have a motive.
We were on our third bottle of wine when Roger asked us about our plans for the lake house.
Roger: 
You guys can do what you want, but I think you should leave the house to me.
Alice and I are going to have kids someday.
Don't you want this place to stay in the family?
James: 
It is gonna stay in the family.
It's going to Daniel.
Roger: 
Well, if that's what you're going to do, make sure there's a padded room downstairs, because from what I've heard...
Roger, if you say another word about my son,
I'm gonna shove that glass so far down your throat it's gonna pin your ass to the chair.
Margaret: 
He was just trying to protect you.
But I thought he was gonna kill Roger right then and there.
He wasn't protecting me, Mom. 
He's ashamed of me.
And that's not a motive for murder.
You have a blind spot when it comes to your father.
Yeah, I appreciate the counseling, but right now the only family issue I want to talk about is who killed Roger Pierce?
Maybe it wasn't family.
Maybe it was Celia, the maid.
Why her?
I was on my way to get a glass of water, and I saw her with Roger.
It was obvious the attention was unwanted.
I was gonna put a stop to it, but I didn't have to.
Maybe after everybody went to sleep,
Roger went back to assault her, and Celia killed him in self-defense.
I have to talk to her.
Oh, you can't.
I was gonna ask her to start dinner, but I couldn't find her.
I looked in her room. 
All of her things are gone.
Do you know how to contact her?
Uncle Jack hired her for the weekend.
She's got to be the killer.
Why else would she take off?
Daniel, what are you doing?
What am I... 
I'm trying to solve a murder with you, like always.
You're hiding, and I'm not sure why.
But wherever you are, it's keeping you from facing what's in front of you...
People who love you... the hard work you got to do to get better.
Look, we're all trying to help, but unless you're willing to try, it's pointless.
I can't... 
I can't do this anymore.
When you have something to say, let me know.
Margaret: [Echoing] What's wrong, Daniel?
Kate left.
Here. 
Have some hot cocoa.
So, are you in love with her?
She's about to get married.
You didn't answer the question.
I could never be any good for Kate, not with my condition.
That's nonsense. 
You would be a great husband.
No offense, Mom, but when it comes to what qualifies as a good husband, you set the bar really low.
He had his moments, and he was a good father.
You're too hard on him.
No, I'm not.
Have you forgotten the time that he took you to the cubs' spring training in Scottsdale?
That was one thing, one time.
When you came home from that trip, you couldn't wipe the smile off your face.
You were the happiest I've ever seen you.
Yes, your father has trouble showing emotion, and he's not great in a crisis.
But when you were young, the two of you made each other so happy.
We all have two faces we show the world.
Don't forget about the side of your father that you once loved.
Two faces.
Mom, you're a genius.
- Why?
- I'll explain later, But first... gather everyone in the drawing room!
Since we're all family here, I'm just gonna come right out and say it.
Roger Pierce was an asshole.
Everyone in this room wanted to wring his neck at some point or another.
I never met the guy, but I'm pretty sure if I had, I'd want to do the same.
The question is, who acted on that impulse?
Who was Roger's killer?
Dad!
You threatened Roger with great bodily harm when he insulted me at dinner, a detail you conveniently left out when Agent Moretti and I interviewed you.
- He has Alzheimer's.
- Not here he doesn't.
Dad also lied about where he was at the time of the shooting.
He wasn't upstairs in bed, because Celia the maid saw him in the kitchen.
So he could have killed Roger.
Yes.
But he didn't.
My dear mother was willing to lie to protect my father.
Who knows where she was at the time of the murder?
But the woman was married to James Pierce for 30 years.
If she never tried to off him, she certainly wouldn't have killed Roger after only knowing him for a few hours.
Both my parents had the opportunity to kill Roger, but neither one had a strong enough motive, which makes the actions of Celia the maid very curious.
She's the one who pointed the investigation at my parents in the first place.
A clever distraction, but why?
My mother saw Roger groping Celia in the back staircase hours before his death, forcing himself on a subservient employee...
An employee who has mysteriously gone missing.
If Celia is the killer, then what the hell are you lecturing us about?
Shouldn't you be outside, trying to find her?
No, because I know exactly where Celia is.
Does anybody find it strange that Celia and Alice were never in the same room at the same time?
And do any of you find it as interesting as I do that Celia is an anagram of Alice?
[Scoffs] That doesn't prove anything.
No, it doesn't.
But this does.
I found these in Alice's room.
Who says a theater degree is useless?
James: 
Why would Alice want to impersonate a maid?
Is it some kind of kinky sex thing?
No, Alice needed someone, a disinterested party, to create an alibi for her and her lover, a lover she took when she realized that her marriage to Roger was a mistake...
A lover with whom she plotted to kill Roger so that she could shop to her heart's content with the life-insurance money.
So Alice is a murderer and a slut?
No. 
She's just a slut.
The real killer is Alice's lover...
Her father-in-law, Jack.
[Laughing] That's outrageous.
Outrageous? 
Yes. 
Untrue? 
No.
Jack was the one who hired Celia for the weekend, which means he knew who she really was.
And while mother saw Roger groping Celia, it was Jack who pulled him off.
Now, why would he do that if he knew that Celia was really Alice, Roger's wife?
Because Jack is in love with Alice and she is in love with him.
You... you really are as crazy as everyone says.
This whole weekend was your idea, uncle Jack.
You knew that if Roger died before his 35th birthday the money in his trust would revert to you.
But, more importantly, with Roger out of the way, you and Alice could finally be together.
You are the one who pulled that trigger.
Margaret: 
Oh, my god.
Jack killed his own son... 
Roger.
Yes.
A classic country-house murder mystery just like my favorite Agatha Christie book.
Daniel, that's not a book.
Passport?
I have to talk to Kate.
Daniel, what are you trying...
What are you trying to say?
Kate, Kate... 
Kate.
Agent Moretti, he's asking for you.
Daniel, I'm here.
[Sighs]
It's okay. 
I'm... 
I'm listening.
Just take your time.
Roger...
Jack's...
Son.
I don't understand.
Roger Jackson.
Roger Jackson?
I'm sorry. 
I don't know who that is.
P-passport.
Both: 
Roger Jackson.
Passport?
Do you know what it means?
I think he's telling me how to find Sonny Coonan.
Okay, thank you.
What's going on here, Moretti?
Daniel Pierce remembered seeing a name on a passport inside the house where Sonny Coonan was living.
So, Pierce, who was blown out of the house, had brain surgery, and then was catatonic for two weeks thinks he saw this name, and now you've mobilized the entire field office?
Yeah.
Okay. 
So, what have you got so far?
The name he remembered was Roger Jackson.
Now, there are 6,492 of them living in the U.S., but only one is white, age 73, and applied to replace a passport he claimed was stolen two weeks ago right after the explosion.
Got to be Sonny Coonan.
Has Coonan picked up the new passport yet?
Yes. 
Two days ago at a P.O. box in Pilsen.
I already called Homeland Security.
They put him on the no-fly list.
Hopefully, we're not too late.
Woman: 
Ladies and gentlemen, we're experiencing a minor equipment issue.
There will be a slight delay.
But in the meantime, please enjoy a complimentary glass of champagne.
Kate: 
Enjoy the champagne, Sonny.
It's the last you'll ever have.
[Handcuffs click]
Rubber baby bug-buggy bumpers.
Rugger bab... 
Rubber baby buggy bumpers.
Baby buggy bumpers. 
Rugger...
I got to say, I'm a little disappointed in your performance.
These stupid vocal exercises are hard.
You're doing great without them. 
Talking about Sonny Coonan.
It took you almost two weeks to figure that out.
Sorry about that. 
I was in a, um, coma.
[Chuckles]
Donnie just indicted Coonan on everything under the sun...
Murders, conspiracy, racketeering... you name it.
Thanks to you, that guy's gonna die in prison, not Venezuela.
Thank you for helping me figure it out.
What are you talking about? 
I didn't do anything.
- Ready to go home, Doc?
- God yes.
[Sighs]
I'm gonna make one stop on the way.
Hey.
You look like crap.
I was in an accident, Dad.
Don't you remember?
No.
A-are you all right?
Yeah. 
Yeah, I'm okay.
Good.
[Chuckling] That's good.
Do you remember our trip to Scottsdale?
[Chuckles]
That's something I'll never forget.
[Chuckles]
We had fun watching the cubbies. 
Didn't we, Danny boy?
[Laughs] Yeah.
Yeah, Dad, we sure did.
Forgive me if I'm a little slower than usual today.
I'm still getting my sea legs back.
I've just been through a not so great experience.
So...
Is my glass half-empty, or is it half-full?
When you look ahead in your life, are you someone that expects things to work out for the best,
or do you assume the worst?
When we envision the future, our rostal... our...
Our ros... our rost... our rostral anterior cingulate cortex... determines whether our vision will be one of clear-blue skies or dark storm clouds.
But optimism and pessimism are not hardwired.
By using cognitive behavioral techniques, we can overcome our natural tendency toward doom and gloom.
So, what do we want to do?
Do we want to dwell on the mistakes of the past, pick at the scabs of every wound?
Or can we make a fresh start, be grateful for what we have,
cherish our relationships?
Our lives are richer when we choose optimism.
And if we do, we might just see that our glass is a little more full than we thought.

RADIO: 
But if you reduced hours, I mean we've already heard that in a special school there were only two days a week of speech therapy ...and the case load was enormous.
Do not let your hearts be troubled.
Believe in God, believe also in me.
In my Father's house, there are many dwelling places.
If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?
PHONE RINGS
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll call you later, vicar's talking.
Old man's funeral.
Old man's funeral?
- That's what he said, Jenny.
That poor father being buried.
- What a son.
They couldn't wait to get out of there.
- Thomas would never say that.
Sometimes, this job would break your heart.
He's much too good a boy, our brother.
And you're just being Lizzie.
- Yeah, Lizzie, you're being Lizzie.
Mum, Jenny's being Mum.
I'm your mum, I say stop.
- It's not fair, you're all against me 'cos I got bigger feet.
But your feet, they're dazzling madam, quite dazzling!
What is she on about?
- Mum and Jenny were shopping...
We took so long to buy anything ...that the assistant thought we were going to nick something and then mum said, in her best vicarage voice,
"This blouse, would it suit my daughter?"
Does it match her eyes which we think are...
"... dazzling?"
Oh dear.
"Dazzling Madam, as you say...
quite dazzling."
Stop mocking your poor mother!
"Dazzling, absolutely dazzling!"
What a rowdy lot this family is.
Roll on Anglesey.
Lovely holiday, lovely Wales.
Oh, lucky you, mum.
- Lucky me, wish you were coming.
Well, I'm a hard-working woman stuck in London.
In fact I better go, it's nearly time for the train.
Is James going to meet you at Reading?
- Yes, he will.
I'll ring you tomorrow.
We'll come to the station with you, wave you off.
Great. 
I'm on. 
- Bye, mum. 
Ready, dad?
- Yup, ready.
- Bye.
- Bye darling.
- Love you.
- See you mum.
Bye... 
Drive carefully.
- Bye mum.
SLAMS DOOR
We're still on holiday.
KNOCK ON DOOR
Are you awake Julie?
Yes, uncle Jimmie.
Do you want your cuppa?
- Yes, please.
It's going to be a lovely day.
I'll get up in a minute and make breakfast.
RADIO: 
You're waking up to BBC radio Berkshire.
JENNY: 
Get up James.
RADIO: 
Thank you for joining us.
It's Maggie and Jim with you through until 9 o'clock this morning...
What time is it?
It's time to get up and go to work.
I don't wanna go to work.
I know you don't but if you don't get up now then how are you going to win the Nobel Prize?
I don't wanna win a Nobel Prize, I wanna stay in bed.
James, get up.
- I'm off.
- Ok.
I'll see you this evening.
Get up.
See you James.
Get up!
Eggs.
- Do you think they're gonna want eggs as well?
Oh, somebody might.
How much toast should I do?
One each to start with?
Or maybe two for the blokes.
- Ok.
No bacon for me, there's more for the men.
Dad, uncle, breakfast nearly ready.
- Coming.
- Coming.
Well, we should make use of the good weather.
A trip in the car would be lovely.
What about a picnic, Julie?
- Lovely.
Where, dad?
- Hmm? 
Oh you decide.
Will we fit in?
We can squeeze, none of us are that fat.
I'm working on it.
PHONE RINGS
Lizzie?
- Mummy, you watching television?
No, I'm cooking breakfast, why?
Mum, have you talked to Jenny?
I can't reach her, would she have her mobile?
Well, she'll be busy at work, It's 10 past 9.
You don't know, do you?
They've-err... there've been explosions in London, explosions, it's all on television.
Turn it on.
I can't reach Jenny.
- Lizzy, she'll be busy at work.
Stop being dramatic.
I'm not, I'm worried.
Turn on the television.
TV: 
Indeed, and of course we have been hearing all morning that it was a power surge that caused the problems right across the London Underground.
But we still don't know what caused that power surge.
I'll ring her and I'll call you back as soon as I've spoken to her.
TV:
... trains which may have collided at Edgware Road and British Transport Police are trying to investigate whether passengers are...
What's wrong?
...still there on board and trapped there.
London's entire Underground network has been closed.
Police are describing it as a major incident.
Jenny, it's mum, are you ok?
Can you call me as soon as you can?
TV: 
Major termini, including King's Cross and Liverpool Street have been evacuated.
Auntie Karina, are we having this picnic or not?
I'm boiling eggs for the sandwiches.
TV:... the G8 summit. 
We can talk to our correspondent Russell Hayes who is at the police station in Edgware...
- Did you get hold of your mum, Lizzie?
She said as soon as Jenny realises what's happened, she'll call.
She'll keep ringing.
TV: 
But this way's still alive with activity, there is police tape fluttering along every entrance to Edgware Road ...ambulances are still arriving here.
We're also getting reports this morning of an explosion in Russell Square.
We have had confirmation of an explosion on the bus.
You can see the emergency services there.
We were just hearing there from an eye witness... who heard this very loud explosion and we understand that this has very badly destroyed the top layer of the bus.
We can see some bystanders there.
That's not a power surge.
These are bombs.
Now, if you're worried about relatives, don't call 999 or any of the hospitals.
Scotland Yard has issued a special telephone number for anyone concerned about friends or relatives.
The number to ring is: 08701566344.
That's: 08701566344
Well, I'm glad to say that the Metropolitan Police Commissioner
Sir Ian Blair is in our Westminster studios...
I wonder if you could start by giving us the facts as you know them at the moment.
KEN LMNGSTONE:
I want to say one thing specifically to the world today...
This was not a terrorist attack against the mighty and the powerful.
It was not aimed at Presidents or Prime Ministers.
It was aimed at ordinary working-class Londoners.
Black and white, Muslim and Christian, Hindu and Jew, young and old.
Indiscriminate attempt to slaughter irrespective of any considerations for age, for cast, for religion, whatever.
TV: 
The archbishop of Canterbury called for solidarity between...
PHONE RINGS 
- It's James.
- James...?
- Hi Julie.
Have you heard from Jenny?
No, I haven't.
Shall I call her office?
I've been trying.
I can't get through.
I'll try again and as soon as I do, I'll call you, first thing.
- All right?
- Ok.
I'll try the office.
Oh hello, this is Jenny's mother, I'm so glad to get through. 
Is she...?
Could you ask her to call me immediately.
Yes, I'm sure she will.
Has anybody else not arrived?
They're all there... 
Thank you.
They're all there at work.
She's not.
I'll check all the main hospitals.
Are you staying in Anglesey or are you going home to Bristol?
I'm not sure, I'm not overly worried.
I'm not sure and...
No, neither are we.
I was just saying, she might be helping somebody.
She wouldn't walk away.
Maybe you should check the hospitals, she might be sitting around in one.
She might be waiting for news in an AE.
Julie, what do you think you should be doing?
Going to London to see for myself.
London.
I'm ringing her cousins.
But do you think you should?
- Yes I do.
And I think they will drive her.
Have you got enough money?
Shall I help you pack for the morning?
Pack, Julie.
Shall I help you?
I don't know what to take.
Leave that to us.
RADIO: 
It's 6 o'clock on Friday, 8 July.
Good morning, this is today...
KNOCK ON DOOR.
- Can I come in?
- Cheryl?
I'm glad to see you.
What are you doing here?
- Martin, she's decent.
You can come in.
We're driving you to London.
We insist.
We'll meet James there.
You must have got up at some unearthly hour.
It's all right Julie, we're with you.
We're not letting you do this on your own, Julie.
Will we find her?
- We'll bring her home.
Oh God.
What's Greg doing?
He needs to stay in Bristol with Lizzie and Thomas.
And in case Jenny phones.
- Yeah, in case she rings.
James?
Hi.
- Anything?
- No, nothing yet, no.
- Hi Cheryl.
- How are you?
- Hi Martin.
- Morning.
Erm, just through here.
Just give them your name.
Have you travelled far today?
It's quite stifling in here, isn't it?
- Yes, it is.
Is there anything I can get you?
No, there isn't, thank you.
- Are any of you hungry?
I don't mean if you'd like my sandwich of course if you want to have it, feel free...
I'm thinking of coffee and tea.
There's biscuits as well.
I hope you soon have news.
- So do we. 
Thank you.
I wish he'd just eat the ruddy thing.
- Julie.
Mrs Nicholson, I'm Joanne.
A police liaison officer.
We've matched the details you've given to us.
There's a young white woman in intensive care.
She's under 30, unidentified.
Why would she be...?
- We're checking for distinguishing marks.
Is she the only one?
- There are two others.
Another of them matched Jenny's description.
Her hair colour, the photographs this gentleman brought.
Well, might she be in another hospital?
I've explained to this gentleman...
James.
- There's no point in going anywhere else.
All casualties yet to be identified have been sent here.
So what do we do?
We wait.
Excuse me.
TV: 
We're not the first country to experience this kind of terrorist attack.
PHONE RINGS
Julie?
You bearing up?
She hasn't phoned here. 
Has she...
- ... 
Phoned me?
JULIE: 
I would have told you
Can I speak to mum?
I'm putting Lizzie on.
Mum, all the cousins from Manchester are arriving.
Katie and Joanne.
That's good, you'll have a full house.
Lizzie, mind Thomas, make sure you mind Thomas.
I will.
Can you put dad back on?
I'm here Julie.
First news, I'll ring.
She'll be all right.
We'll find her.
- We'll find her.
I promise.
You haven't got a spare cigarette, have you?
What?
Is something not to your liking?
What?
Mrs Nicholson?
Can you come with me?
James, you as well, please.
I know you gave these details before but...
- It's all right, it's all right.
I need descriptions.
- Of Jenny erm...
Well she looks like you, your age, your colouring, she doesn't have any fillings.
She was wearing a watch her bracelet watch.
- Yeah, bracelet watch.
She has scars on her back.
And her bosom, she has a wonderful bosom.
Well, she does.
Sorry, would you excuse me?
I'm confused, she wouldn't have been at any of those stations or on that bus.
I know her route, I know exactly where she should have been.
It just doesn't make sense.
It doesn't make sense.
Mrs Nicholson, would you consent to having your DNA taken?
Yes, of course.
Can you open your mouth for me?
Are you going home now?
No, we're going to my sister Vanda's house just outside Reading.
Will we hear from you?
No, you'll be assigned officers from the Reading area.
Probably in the next few hours.
If there's anything I can do please call me.
How many people have you said that to today?
I know you mean it.
Please, please find my Jenny.
- We'll do everything we can.
Spare some change? 
Any change?
Anything you got?
Except 20p I don't want.
I don't want 20p, I can't buy anything for 20p.
I mean, what about you...
got a fag? 
Anything?
Please, don't you have change?
- Leave us alone, just leave us alone.
It's Steven Gerrard...
He's tackling the goal keeper!
He's tackling the goal keeper!
He's tackling... 
Yeaaah!
Were the police helpful?
- They did what they could.
Not much they could do.
There was a woman in intensive care we thought might be Jenny but it wasn't.
Julie did the DNA test.
- What's that?
It's just to help the police, when someone goes missing their mum or dad gives a DNA test.
Why?
So the police will know exactly, scientifically, who they're looking for.
Wouldn't they know Jenny when they see her?
Of course they will, Ally.
Have they been ringing from Bristol, Lizzie and Thomas?
Greg did, we want them here.
I'll finish the food.
You must be famished.
Thank you both so much.
I'll give you a hand.
I haven't brought Jenny with me, Vanda.
I promised them that I'd find her.
We will, Julie.
If we have to search the earth for Jenny, we will.
They know that.
Just drink your gin...
You can join Steven Gerrard out there in a game of football.
It's way past his bedtime, I better bring him in.
TV: 
Today's attack just came 24 hours after the city was told it had been awarded the Olympic Games for 2012.
The Mayor of London, Ken Livingstone...
She called me from there all excited.
She saw the red arrows for the first time in all her 24 years.
There's no way she could be travelling through any of those stations.
There's no logic to it.
I know I keep saying that but...
It says on the news, people are drifting in to churches and they're traumatised.
Completely traumatised, not knowing who they are nor where they're from.
Anything could have happened.
She's just been caught up in this.
She's missing.
For the time being she's missing.
- And we will find her.
We will.
TV: 
Andrew Harding, BBC News, Singapore.
No sleep either.
No. 
No.
I remember the first question I ever answered about her.
What was it?
The midwife said...
"Mrs Nicholson, your baby is awake and hungry and would you like to feed her?"
And I could hear the faint cry of a newborn baby.
And my first child was placed in my arms.
And I looked down at her face...
And the midwife asks:
"What are you calling her?"
And I reply, "Jennifer",
Jennifer Vanda Ann.
And my baby's feeding from my breast.
And I can hear little suckling sounds.
And I vow this to her.
I vow to love her, protect her and keep her from harm.
And I haven't.
It's not looking good Vanda, is it?
It's not looking good.
Julie, what are you doing?
What?
Is my kitchen not clean enough for you?
Yeah.
- So why are you mopping it?
It's something to do.
Anything to do.
- Shouldn't you try to sleep?
I've got to meet the family liaison officer.
Jenny and James' house.
- When?
- This morning.
Do you want me to come into Reading?
Oh no, James is going to be there and Greg's coming.
Can you get me some credit for my phone?
All right.
No, no, no, no. 
Pay me later.
What about the people at your church?
Oh, well I'm... on holiday so I don't need to worry about services.
The bishop, does he know?
Yeah he should know...
... somebody should know.
I'll do it. 
Who should I call?
They'll be somebody at the church in the office.
Somebody, anybody.
How is my mother, the vicar?
The others are waiting for you.
I've just come to see if you need a hand.
Poor mum. 
You must be drained.
It's no everyday that a girl gets ordained.
You must be roasting, this heat is sweltering.
- I took precautions.
- What?
Mum?
Under the cassock I'm still all woman.
Oh, only my mother would be ordained wearing red lacy undies.
Well, maybe they all were, I hope they were.
I'm telling dad.
- Tell them all, tell the world.
Oh Thomas!
Darling.
- We'll find her.
- I know.
We'll find Jenny.
- Lizzie's here.
Is there any more word?
Nothing yet but maybe when we meet with the family liaison.
Oh mum! 
Are you all right?
- I'm fine, I'm fine.
Mum, I missed you.
- I missed you too.
- Thank you.
- It's Colin, is it?
Yes that's right, I'm Pauline.
Everything that you would do yourself to find your daughter we'll do on your behalf.
We'll be in touch regularly in person or on the phone.
So even if there's no news...?
- We'll confirm that there is no news.
I have to ask, has Jenny been abroad recently?
Er no, we haven't been on holiday.
Did she have religious affiliations?
Church of England like the rest of the family.
I'm a vicar.
Why are you asking this?
We have to have clear lines of enquiry.
Let them ask whatever questions they think are helpful.
Have most of the injured been identified?
Yes, they have.
May I go upstairs and collect a few items belonging to Jenny?
Should I show you?
- It's ok, you stay here.
Do you have those photographs of Jennifer?
I'm happy to give a DNA sample, I know my wife already has.
...Anything that helps 
- We appreciate that.
It's a simple procedure.
You'll keep them safe.
- I only need a few.
She looks different in all of them.
We'll make sure that you get these back.
We'd rather get Jenny back.
We hope that she's still alive.
We'd like the police to explore the possibility of other train or road incidents.
Jen may be in hospital in an accident not connected with the bombings 
- That's very unlikely.
Any news will be given to you straight away.
Now I have to ask if you would like information on a need-to-know basis.
Or all details.
I want to know everything.
I want to know everything.
We'll see ourselves out, we'll keep in touch by phone.
If we have any definite news we'll come in person together to see you.
Thank you.
James...
I really appreciate everybody coming but there are going to be so many.
Are you sure you want to face the multitude?
I want to be with the people Jenny loves.
How can you be so calm, James, when I know your heart is broken?
Not completely.
It's not broken, not yet.
It's them.
TV: 
Were these people linked directly to the core of Al Qaeda, what's left of it in Pakistan and Afghanistan or were they acting on their own?
- Julie?
- Yeah?
William has something to ask you.
- What's wrong William?
- Nothing.
If there was something, would you tell me?
What is it you want?
I want everybody to go away and leave my house.
Why are they so many of them in our kitchen?
Would you like Auntie Julie to tell you about Jenny and what's happening?
Is Jenny dead?
We don't know.
We hope not but she might be.
So that's why everybody's here.
So we can all be together to find out.
- What's happened to Jenny on the tube.
Is that OK?
Is there anything else you want to know?
Did someone put the bombs there?
Yes William, they did.
I think the bombers are very bad people.
TV: 
Anxious friends and relatives have been searching for around 20 people who have not been seen since the attacks.
Fergal Keane has been hearing some of their stories.
Laura Webb was 29 and on her way to work...
Like Anna Brandt, missing on the Piccadilly line.
Jenny Nicholson from Bristol also on her way to work.
Where did they get that photograph?
- I don't know.
TV: 
Anthony Williams also missing on the bus.
Philip Russell, another bus passenger.
Richard Ellery, missing on the tube.
The most difficult recovery operation is here at King's Cross.
If you go down to the platform...
I thought it was a rescue operation, why recovery?
TV: 
Rescue workers say the scene underground is truly terrible; 
Hell on earth.
Uncle Jimmie, are you ok?
Oh, I know.
I know.
You all right, Julie?
There's one thing we've forgotten about, the dog.
Misty, our neighbours were minding her.
Where should she go?
Should she stay in Bristol?
Or come here. 
Julie...
Julie, the dog.
What about the dog?
I don't care about the dog!
Julie! 
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
My daughter's missing, she might not be coming back.
That's why they've taken her toothbrush, for DNA.
Do you really think they'd be doing that if she was coming back?
My daughter, your granddaughter has been murdered by terrorists, probably.
And you ask me what the matter is.
And you want to know about the dog.
She's been murdered, hasn't she?
Hasn't she? 
Hasn't she? 
Oh God.
I can't go back to Bristol until I bring her home.
I have to bring her home.
Maybe she'll sleep.
- We'll sort the dog out.
Thank you.
Do you think we should stay?
- No.
It's time to leave them.
Will she sleep?
TV: 
Yet today police revealed they are sure of the identities of all four bombers and they are convinced all four were suicide attacks.
Hasib Hussain was of one of four men the Metropolitan Police Commission have said today carried the bombs and were killed in the blasts.
One of Hussain's friends
Mohammad Sidique Khan planted the bomb at Edgware Road.
Another, Shehzad Tanweer detonated the Aldgate bomb.
And today police sources name the fourth bomber
Lindsay Germaine a Briton of Jamaican origin.
And this is where he lived.
His Aylesbury home raided by anti-terrorists officers has-
How long will we have to wait for news?
We don't know.
Maybe she will never be found.
Don't say that.
It will take so much time.
Well...
The police say that there are a lot of...
Don't even think that.
Julie...
How are you mum?
About the same as you.
You can always talk to us.
You know that mum.
- Yeah, I know.
Dad, dad I'm the oldest...
- No, I should be in the middle...
Please just settle down for a second and just...
No, I'm in the middle.
- No, I should be in the middle.
Do you want to say something?
Greg you are the photographer.
Just take the picture.
- I'm just gonna take it.
I'm just gonna take it.
Woo-ooh! 
♪ I need you!
♪ More than anyone darlin', You know that I have from the start
♪ So build me up, build me up Buttercup ♪
We have bad news for you.
Jennifer Nicholson has been identified by way of dental records as being one of the victims from the Edgware Road site bombings.
A temporary mortuary has been set up.
It probably be 28 days before Jennifer's body can be released.
The DNA test confirms that it is Jennifer.
There is no mistake.
I want to see Jenny's body.
That's not advisable.
We have to wait.
I want to see her as soon as possible.
I am a priest and I will see her.
I want to and I will see her.
I will not wait, I do not care what is advisable.
I am her mother, and I will see my daughter.
You can hold her hand.
She kept her nails short because she played the piano.
I can't remember the words.
- I'm sure whatever you say will be perfect.
In your beginning, I anointed you with water, blood, milk
and in death I anoint you with oil in the name of this mystery that we call God.
By this holy anointing and of His most loving mercy.
Loving...
It is Jenny.
I can tell by her hands.
Her beautiful hands.
She's dead.
Thank you.
Thank you for being with me.
Now, where am I going?
You're very upset Julie.
Don't rush things.
Can I not drive you back?
Are you sure?
No I need some air, I need to walk, I'll get a taxi.
It's nearly rush hour.
Well, there'll be more taxis out then.
Thank you.
Sorry love, I'm not for hire, I'm going off duty now.
Please.
I need to get to Paddington.
In this traffic, you must be joking.
Please. 
Please.
All right, well, if I don't take you to Paddington I have to take you home with me, aren't I?
Get in.
Well, jump in, I'll take you to Paddington.
You look a bit flustered, you been waiting long?
Yeah, I'm not from London.
You up sightseeing, are you?
Doing a bit of shopping?
I only see one carrier bag, you must be hanging on to your money.
No, not shopping.
What brings you up then?
I came to see my daughter's body.
She was killed at Edgware Road.
What was her name, if you don't mind me asking?
Jenny.
She was on her way to work on Shaftesbury Avenue.
Well, you sit back love, I'll soon have you at Paddington.
Thank you.
Thank you for being so kind.
So why don't you stay where you are and let me drive you?
To Reading?
I couldn't possibly let you do that.
You gonna stop me, are you?
No. 
I'm not going to stop you.
Don't worry I'll get you there safe and sound.
Thank you.
You rest.
I know the way to Reading.
I can't tell you how grateful I am.
How much do I owe you?
- No, you don't owe me anything.
I can't let you drive me all this way for nothing.
I wanted to do it.
Look, you must think the world's a pretty bleak place right now.
I just wanted you to know there's still some good people left in it.
Only if you can still believe that.
Yeah, I can sometimes.
Don't let them win.
- I'll never do that.
- Courage?
Courage. 
I'll try.
- Then you've paid me.
Auntie Julie!
What's up with Steven Gerrard there?
He's bursting to ask you more questions.
What do you want to ask me Wills?
I can't, mum will be cross.
Well, then we won't let her hear.
She hears everything.
All right, I know when I'm not wanted.
So, what do you want to know?
Promise you won't be cross...
- Promise.
Auntie Julie, was Jenny reading a book when the bomb went off?
Yes, I think she was.
How do you know?
- She was always reading.
Is that what James thinks as well?
- Yeah.
What page was she on when the bomb went off.
About half way through, I expect.
When the bomb went off was Jenny standing like this?
I hope so, Wills.
When it went off, did Jenny fall like this?
Or was it like this?
Probably backwards because of where her body was found.
Ok, I expect Jenny fell like this.
William, stop annoying Auntie Julie.
I'm not.
- Yes, you're upsetting her.
- No he's not.
- See.
Just go and play in the other room.
I dread to think what he was asking you.
He's asking what I need to ask.
What he wants to know, so do I.
It's not that that's upsetting you, is it?
- No, it's not.
- What is it then?
You deciding to go to Edgware Road tube station.
I have to see it.
I have to see where that bomb went off.
To make sure that it happened.
- It happened.
- Yes, it did.
But I need to know how.
And tonight, I make a start.
How are you going to cope with this?
Because I have to.
If I don't, I'll die.
TANNOY: 
Owing to severe delays on the Piccadilly line this morning...
Every single morning of this week.
This service is getting worse.
Right, better find another route, I'm very late.
Sorry, you all right?
What was the point of impact?
- Second carriage.
Ten seconds into the tunnel the explosion occurred.
Do you know how many people were in the carriage?
I'm afraid I don't.
It was still rush hour, it would have been quite full.
Yes, very full.
Jen was travelling in completely the wrong direction for work.
She should have been travelling away from Paddington, not towards it.
Where was your daughter travelling?
- Tottenham Court Road.
There was a fault on the Piccadilly line.
It affected the Bakerloo route all that morning.
She must have been heading back through Paddington to Notting Hill.
She could get the Central line there at Tottenham Court Road.
That exactly is what happened?
I believe so, yes.
That's why Jenny died.
A fault on the Piccadilly line.
Excuse me.
Should we follow him?
- No, leave him.
Do you have any more questions, Julie?
This is the place where my daughter's life was snatched from her, Colin.
Do you know what I see when I look into that tunnel?
The face of a stranger.
Mohammad Sidique Khan...
He came into our lives he didn't know us, he didn't know who he was killing.
He didn't know how good she was.
How beautiful she was.
She was my Jenny.
James loved my daughter, he truly loved her.
And the stranger didn't care that he was... killing the children that would be born to them.
My grandchildren.
He killed their future.
Mohammad Sidique Khan.
Lizzie gave her these.
I've sorted some things, started to.
Do you wanna take them to Bristol?
No.
Let's keep everything together for the moment.
Do you think she's watching or... waiting or
I don't know how to say this...
- Do I think she's passed to another life?
All the cards people send tell me that.
Do you believe that?
Not sure anymore.
And if I'm not sure, what am I doing being a priest?
I'm empty, James.
Empty.
It's great food grandma.
- Thank you, Thomas.
Eat up.
- No need to tell him that.
I love grandma's cooking.
- So do I.
I didn't say you didn't.
- Where's dad?
He's upstairs.
- What's he doing?
Sitting in Jenny's old room.
Fetch him down, Thomas.
- I'll go.
- Do.
Then come back and eat your dinner.
You've barely touched a mouthful.
- How are you?
- I'm ok.
I'm not ok.
I can't imagine going on.
You will.
My life is over.
You have strength, Julie.
- Do I, dad?
You must have strength.
Do you hear me?
I'll bide my time here 'til it's time to join her.
Jenny...
I should have gone first.
Dad... you won't lie down and die.
You have too much spirit for that.
You're not eating, we're worried about you.
Oh Greg, you eat.
Eat to your heart's content.
Stop worrying about me, worry about yourself.
Why can't I worry about you?
- Because I don't want you to.
What do you want?
My daughter.
My dead daughter.
So do I, Julie.
She was mine too.
Jenny?
Hiya, setting out for work.
Forgot to tell you I bought the Magician's Nephew on Saturday at £6.99 in Waterstones.
I'll give you feedback as soon as I finish it.
What does your week bring you?
Jenny.
Oh, Jenny. 
Oh, Jenny...
Dad?
What?
Do you know what scares me?
Me and Lizzie...
We've lost our sister.
And I'm starting to think we're going to lose our mum and dad too.
You won't lose me, you'll never lose me.
- Well then come in.
Soon.
Why did they do it?
I don't know, son.
Who would want to kill their own people in their own country?
She was so good, Jenny.
I hate them for what they did.
TV: 
Hasib Hussain was one of four men the Metropolitan Police Commission has said today carried the bombs and were killed in the blasts.
One of Hussain's friends Mohammad Sidique Khan planted the bomb at Edgware Road.
Another, Shehzad Tanweer detonated the Aldgate bomb.
Mum, you can't read everything at the funeral.
Can I not?
Do you want to see what I've designed?
For the coffin.
Would she like it, Jenny?
It's exquisite.
Thank you, thank you.
Mum, Thomas is worried. 
So am I.
It's the stress we've all been under since the news and... the strain of the funeral...
- No, no it's not just the funeral.
It's something else.
You and dad.
We're apart.
We're in pain.
And the pain is keeping us apart.
I'm really sorry if it hurts you to hear me talk about your dad like that.
I'm forgetting how to do things.
How to feel things.
Except anger and hatred.
I don't want to turn into this.
All my life, I've wanted to believe the best.
Most people try and do their best.
Maybe, I'll never be able to believe anything ever again.
I don't believe in God anyway.
I'll tell you what I don't believe...
I don't believe that fate took your sister's life.
Human Beings did, because they chose to do it.
That must be said.
- Something else must be said.
I still love my sister.
I always will and I'll miss her all my life.
Can only men carry coffins?
Can women do it as well?
I don't see why not.
Then I'd like to carry Jenny.
So would our cousins, I'm sure.
Then it shall be arranged.
But you should be her bridesmaids not her pallbearers.
We will dress in black and gold.
We will carry her together.
I promise you it will be formidable.
And you know what else...
you'd make a good teacher.
Why?
Right bossy bitch.
Like Jane Eyre.
Jenny's heroine.
I am no bird and no net ensnares me.
I am a free human being, with an independent will.
We recovered these:
A travel pass...
A book...
An umbrella...
Cash to the value of £3 and 82 pence and a watch.
Are you absolutely sure you want to go ahead with this?
Absolutely sure.
We'll go through the photographs one at a time.
No hurry.
We can take as much time as you need.
I'll start when you're ready.
I'm ready.
The photographs are in chronological order, beginning with the carriage.
The next picture is Jennifer's body without the blanket.
Do you want me to carry on?
These are my daughter's stations of the cross.
I'm her mother.
I'll be with her till the end.
Would you like some water?
- Yes, please.
Thank you.
I have two boys, two young sons...
When I left them this morning, they were sleeping, I...
I just wanted to hug them.
Hold on to them.
These are my two, my girls.
That's Jenny and Lizzie.
A little bit tipsy, giggling and happy, we were happy.
Look at her.
Beautiful.
So beautiful.
I love them.
I won't let hate destroy their love.
That's why I can look at this horror.
Jenny's love let's me.
She didn't hate.
Neither must I.
I couldn't save my daughter but she saved me.
LIZZIE: 
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to weep and a time to laugh.
A time to seek and a time to lose.
A time to keep silence and a time to speak.
LIZZIE: 
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
JAMES:
Except I be by Silvia in the night
There is no music in the nightingale.
Unless I look on Silvia in the day, There is no day for me to look upon.
She is my essence,
and I leave to be
If I be not by her fair influence, fostered, illuminated, cherished kept alive.
I fly not death, to fly his deadly doom.
Tarry I here, I but attend on death
But, fly I hence, I fly away from life.

Come here! 
Come here!
Come here!
You got to see this.
I'm about to give Captain Holt his gift.
Oh, did he lift his "no gift" policy?
No, he didn't.
But I figured out a way to buy him something and trick him into accepting it.
- You are bad.
- I know, right?
Oh, wait.
You're making fun of me.
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, I don't care.
He would never open a gift, right?
But what if his gift didn't look like a gift?
- He would open it?
- Exactly!
I left it in a cardboard box on his desk.
There's no card, just the words "Open now,"
which I wrote with my wrong hand so he wouldn't recognize my handwriting.
- Captain.
- Santiago. 
Peralta.
Sir.
So just to recap, you left an unmarked package on a police captain's desk on a random Monday, with a suspicious message written on it that looked like it was scrawled by a crazy person.
- Mm-hmm.
- Bomb! 
There's a bomb!
Everyone out!
Let's go, let's go!
This is not a drill!
Let's go!
Great gift, babe.
♪ ♪
Ho, ho, ho, Jake.
Special delivery from Santa's elf.
Merry Christmas.
Ah.
- Heart Attack soda.
- Holy crap! 
I love this stuff!
You know, technically, it's just carbonated fudge.
- I know.
- I thought they banned it.
Not in Syria.
They use it to induce labor in goats.
And your real present arrives tomorrow.
There's more?
Charles, this is too much.
Nonsense!
It was just a lot of time and a lot of money.
Oh.
Gina!
I screwed up.
I forgot to get Charles anything.
Oh, well, I always knew he would die of sadness.
I'm such a selfish jerk.
I was just so focused on Amy's gift that I completely spaced.
His present to me was so personal.
All right, think.
What does Charles love?
Gross food, tan pants, "MasterChef Junior."
Ooh, I could call up one of those kids and offer them a free trip to New York.
I wouldn't do that.
Right, 'cause I'm a stranger, and I shouldn't be luring them out of state.
- Good call.
- Jake, just go to Goodwin's.
They're open late, and they have everything.
Right. 
Smart.
Please come with me.
Please, I need help picking something out.
Please, Gina?
I'll take a pic of Terry in the locker room for you.
No towel, with his foot up on the bench.
Towel on, still wet from the shower.
I'm in.
Hey, guys.
What's up?
Nothing.
Diaz, are we still on for the Polar Bear Swim tonight?
It's either that or go caroling with my family, so, yeah.
I'd rather walk into the freezing ocean.
Wait, what?
You guys are doing the polar swim?
Why didn't you ask me?
Oh, we didn't think you'd be interested.
Yeah, you're always cold.
You brought a blanket to a Mets game in mid-July.
This one thinks July 18th is mid-July.
You guys think I'm some kind of wimp, but I'm not.
I am tough, and I'm strong, and I love to splash around in chilly water.
It's not chilly, it's as cold as the waters of Cocytus, the frozen lake of hell.
I'll see you there.
I can't wait to dunk my junk.
Okay, gang.
I'm out.
I'll be back on the 27th.
I've got two days of family time.
Do not attempt to contact me.
I do not want a repeat of last year when Scully called me 50 times on Christmas morning.
No.
I called you once.
My butt called the other 49.
Yeah, well, my brother-in-law Zeke was real judgy about how much my phone was buzzing.
Somebody's got a lot of business to tend to.
Who are you?
Barbara Corcoran?
He didn't even make me one of the good sharks.
I'm clearly Lori.
Nobody call me.
Gina!
It's our first annual Boyle-Linetti Christmas.
Are you excited about going to town on Daddy's nog?
Christmas is cancelled.
Charles ruined it.
I'm gonna be a little late.
I got to help Jake do some shopping.
Oh, last-minute gifts.
Ooh, who didn't make the cut?
Tell me, Jake, who's the poor sack at the bottom of your list?
Actually, Amy.
- Amy? 
Oof! 
That's bad.
- Mm-hmm.
Just give her whatever you got me.
Really?
But then I wouldn't have a gift for you.
Would you be cool with that?
No, that would eviscerate me.
I'll get my coat.
I'm gonna help you find something for her.
- Oh, that's not necessary.
- Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, Jake.
Also not necessary to touch my face.
It's Christmas.
A time for friendship.
Damn it.
All right.
I guess you'll just have to distract him
- when we get to the store.
- On it.
I'll take him to housewares and I'll ask him the difference between a skillet and a frying pan.
- That'll buy you six hours.
- Perfect.
Gina, you just saved Christmas.
It's what I do.
Every damn year.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Wait! 
No, no, no, no, no!
Don't lock the door!
I just need to buy one thing.
I'll be so fast,
I won't even pay!
How did that not work?
Hey, there's still people in there.
They're not closed.
First time at a retail store, Oliver Twist?
They lock the doors, but if you're still inside, you get an extra 15 minutes to finish up.
Oh, perfect, so we should just try and sneak in an entrance through the back.
Boyle, you'll have to stay here.
It's too dangerous.
No way I let you take that risk alone.
Damn it, you are loyal.
Shall we?
♪ ♪
Ohh!
♪ ♪
Whereas, with the skillet, the approach to fish skin is completely different.
Uh-huh.
And your spatula technique is completely intuitive.
- Please, tell me more.
- Okay. 
I got it.
They're closing.
Let's go.
Oh, let's take a peep at that purchase.
- Cologne?
- Uh, it's perfume.
- For a lady. 
Woman.
- It's called "Canyon Stank."
It's got a man riding a burro on it.
Oh, does it? 
I didn't notice.
I just like the way it smelled.
I wear this cologne, Jake.
I'm a Stank man.
Um, I don't know, maybe just subconsciously
I wanted Amy to smell more like you.
Okay, little creepy, bud.
Coming on real strong.
Wow, the tables have really turned.
Shut up!
Keep walking!
Shoot!
The store is being robbed!
Come here.
♪ ♪
All right, just slowly back up.
There's a door behind us.
We just have to get outside and call the Nine-Nine.
Go.
Just head for the vault.
We're good.
♪ ♪
- Lock 'em up!
- They're sealing the exits.
Oh, my God.
It's real life "Die Hard."
I mean, "Oh, no! 
Crime."
They've taken all the security guards.
I left my gun in my locker.
Are you carrying?
No, mine's at work.
Boyle Christmas charades can get pretty competitive and it's best not to have firearms around.
We don't need guns.
I have a lighter, okay?
We get some hairspray, make some flamethrowers.
- Let's fry these bitches.
- No one is frying any bitches.
Charles, did you call this into dispatch?
Yes, but I can't get in touch with anyone from the Nine-Nine.
Right... 
Amy, Rosa, and Holt are having the time of their lives splashing around in the freezing, filthy ocean.
I'll try Terry.
Thank you for this amazing year.
Thank you for the food in front of us.
And my family, which is my number one priority.
Much more than... phones.
Just take the call, Barbara Corcoran.
This better be an emergency.
There better be a gun to your head.
Charles, Gina, and I are in a hostage situation.
Oh, God, I shouldn't have said the gun thing.
Terry regrets the way he answered the phone.
We're at Goodwin's.
There are multiple gunmen.
They've blocked all the exits, they've taken the security guards hostage, and we're looking for a place to hide.
It's awesome.
- Awesome?
- Awesomely serious.
I am not enjoying this, no matter how much it is 100% my favorite movie come to life.
The important thing is keep Gina safe.
You have a civilian with you.
I'm on the way.
Cool. 
Oh!
Also bring a pic of yourself in a towel coming out of the shower.
Can't explain why, okay?
Gotta go, bye.
There's a serious situation going down they need my help with.
Did one of your detectives lose his head up his own butt?
You don't even have a job, Zeke!
You know what, I'm not supposed to be bringing this up, but I'm bringing it up!
I'm sick of hearing you got things brewing.
You ask me, the only thing you got brewing is a pot of BS!
Kids, I love you.
Sharon, you are perfect.
Zeke, get a job!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Okay, we should be safe in here.
This place looks good.
Good?
It's great!
Santa's chair.
All right, ESU's on their way.
Our top priority is keeping Gina safe.
Keeping me safe?
I'm gonna help you take these guys down.
No, you're not doing anything like that.
You're not a cop.
I've watched what you do for six years.
It's not that difficult.
"NYPD! 
You're under arrest!"
That was clearly an impression of Charles.
But stay here with him while I do some recon.
Wait, shouldn't we all stick together?
Someone has to asses the situation, Boyle.
Plus, we're trapped, on Christmas, with a bunch of bad guys who are very likely German.
This is my John McClane moment.
Okay.
You're gonna need a tank top.
- You can have mine.
- No need.
- I snagged this on the way here.
- "Baby Grrl"?
Yeah, they didn't have the best selection.
I'll probably just skip the tank.
- Yeah.
- I will return.
Okay.
Gina.
You all right?
You look pretty cold.
I'm not. 
I'm actually hot.
Hot, and ready to get this super fun thing over with.
- First, a toast.
- Great. 
Let's drag this out.
- To the sea.
- To the sea! 
Hear, hear!
I wasn't done.
Chill, Amy, let him finish his ocean toast.
Thank you, Rosa.
I'm reminded of a beloved Christmas Carol by English poet Christina Rossetti.
"In the bleak mid-winter, frosty wind made moan,
Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone."
Moan, stone, phone.
We get it.
Down the hatch.
Let's get this over with.
Gah!
Weeeeeeeee!
Noooo!
Oh, my God!
Excuse me, Sergeant Jeffords with the Nine-Nine.
I've got two detectives and a civilian in there.
Who's in charge?
I am, ding-dong.
- The Vulture?
- That's right. 
It's me.
In the flesh.
Happy Kwanzaa.
Oh, man.
You can't say that.
♪ ♪
All right, let's see what we're dealing with.
I'll call you... 
Klaus.
♪ ♪
You will be Guenter.
With the little dots over the U.
♪ ♪
Jurgen.
Hey, Matt.
Are you in position?
I'm here.
Oh, great, the bad guy's name is Matt.
Hey, sorry that took so long.
Gina, you doing okay?
You scared?
I'm scared you won't let me make a flamethrower and use it to throw flame.
You're right.
I will not do that.
You're gonna stay here and keep hiding.
Boyle and I are gonna handle this.
Here's the situation.
12 terrorists, 1 cop.
Just the way he likes it.
- Who's he?
- Me!
Why are you calling yourself "He"?
Because that's the tagline from the "Die Hard" poster, and also my high school yearbook quote.
Oh, I knew I recognized it.
Next time, lead with that.
Right. 
Sorry.
Also, there aren't 12 of them.
There are seven, and they're not terrorists, they're robbers.
They brought drilling equipment to break into the safe.
Okay, so it's really seven robbers, two cops, and one Gina.
- Yes. 
Exactly.
- Yeah.
Where's Gina?
Gina?
There she is.
She went for the hairspray.
She is incorrigible.
- Who are you? 
Come here.
- No!
No, no, no, no.
Jake, they're taking Gina.
Yeah, I know.
We're looking at the same thing.
What?
They got Gina?
- I told you to watch her!
- I know.
I am so sorry, but I promise you, we will get her back.
Oh, this is bad.
I got to report this to the Vulture.
He's in charge.
Ugh!
The Vulture?
I thought he was on his massage tour of Southeast Asia.
He's leaving tomorrow.
That's why he wants this over quickly.
- He wants to storm the building.
- No!
No, no, no.
That is a bad idea.
Look, we still haven't figured out where they're holding Gina and the rest of the hostages.
If you guys come busting in here, things could go sideways real fast.
That's what I told him, but then he just repeated it back to me in a lady's voice.
Listen to me, Sarge.
Boyle and I can take these guys out one by one and no one will get hurt.
Just ask the Vulture to give me some more time.
He'll be reasonable.
What am I talking about?
It's the Vulture.
Tell him Tila Tequila's doing a free show in Central Park.
Then how come Tila just posted a selfie from the Kid Rock show in Daytona, bro?
Yeah, I follow her.
You know what?
I know what's going on here.
Jake wants to go solo, and he's trying to steal my thunder.
He's inside and he has eyes on the situation.
Look, I'm in command here.
Look around you.
I control all of this.
You see that guy behind you?
That sniper?
He'll shoot whoever I tell him to.
Even you.
- No, I won't.
- Fine.
Then, uh, he'll sit on any rooftop I tell him to.
Hey, go sit on that rooftop, guy.
Look, just give Jake a chance.
If he fails, then you can storm the building.
I'll give him a chance to sit on his little white butt and wait for me to come rescue him.
You tell him that I'm Liam Neeson and he's my hot, dumb daughter.
All right, we're outnumbered and unarmed.
If we're gonna get Gina back, we need weapons.
This place sells hammers, wrenches...
Do they sell plants?
Because some of that potting soil is very toxic if ingested in large quantities.
So you want to feed the bad guys a lot of soil?
Force-feed 'em.
Okay, that's a good option that I will definitely consider.
Now, let's go out there and gear our asses up.
Quietly.
♪ Slam, da duh duh, da duh duh ♪
♪ Make noise, b-boys ♪
♪ I'm the nitty, nasty, gritty smashing ♪
- ♪ Never slow gassing ♪ - ♪ Fool ♪
♪ Strictly swift blast of the raspy-rasp fashion ♪
♪ Hit between the eyes, I plan to vandalize ♪
♪ I supply the static, I run with the bad guys ♪
♪ The villains, crooks, highlighters and the fighters ♪
♪ See the big black picture if you look inside of ♪
♪ ♪
Ho ho ho?
♪ Slam, da duh duh ♪
♪ Da duh duh, Let the boys be boys ♪
♪ Slam, da duh duh ♪
♪ Da duh duh, Make noise, b-boys ♪
♪ Slam, da duh duh ♪
♪ Da duh duh, Let the boys be boys ♪
♪ Slam, da duh duh, da duh duh ♪
Hey, Matt.
Oof!
That'll teach you to have a dumb, normal name.
All right, where are you holding the hostages?
Oh, bet you'd like to know, eh?
Canadian?
No!
You're so clearly supposed to be German.
- Are any of you German?
Mm-mm.
- Russian?
Mm-mm.
- North Korean?
- Mm-mm.
Greek?
I don't trust the way the Greeks dance.
No one does.
You there?
Oh.
Uh, yeah, I was oot, but now I'm back, eh?
Meet me in the service corridor.
We've got a situation with the hostages.
Okey dokey, sorry to hear aboot that.
Service corridor.
- That was great, Jake.
- Thanks.
Peralta just texted.
He knows where the hostages are.
He wants 15 more minutes.
And I want my lesbian neighbors to be way hotter than they are, but we can't always get what we want, right?
I'm ordering that raid.
Hey!
Give that back to me.
Are you serious?
I will end your career.
You'll be out there working as a model because, well, you know, you're shredded, and I respect that.
Give me that walkie talkie, now.
Those are my people in there!
You are not gonna give that order!
- Stand down.
- No.
Stand down or I'm gonna make you.
Hey, you turds, get off the roofs and help me!
Get off your roofs!
I can't do it.
I'm a wimp, just like you said.
I didn't say that, and I don't care if you go in.
- Be honest. 
You're judging me.
- I'm really not.
I am, a bit.
No lies on Christmas.
Diaz, shall we?
What?
Oh!
Oh.
Guys!
Captain? 
Rosa?
Oh, please hear me from land!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. 
Oh!
Ahh!
Welcome to the frozen...
Shut your dumb poem mouth!
I'm so sorry.
No, I'm not!
We have a crisis. 
We have to go.
Let's go.
Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold.
♪ ♪
How are we gonna get past them without a gunfight?
I'll tell you how John McClane would do it.
The vents.
Ah, blast the AC, they get chilly, they leave to find sweaters.
No, we're gonna climb through them.
Even better.
Classic use of vents.
Yeah.
I think we're good.
I don't think we're good anymore.
Who's there?
Dave, is that you?
What are we gonna do?
They know we're here.
No, they know I'm here.
Quick, hide.
Go, go, go, go.
Hey, hosers.
It's me, Dave, eh?
Didn't work.
Jake.
Jake! 
Jake!
- Ah!
- Are you okay?
Oh, my head hurts.
Probably from being conked on it.
- How are you?
- I'm tied up. 
I'm scared.
This guy hasn't stopped farting for the last hour.
I keep telling you, it's not me.
Ramon, do you really want your last words to be a lie?
Those aren't gonna be your last words, Ramon, all right?
We're all gonna be fine.
They're gonna drill into the safe, take the money, and then go.
They don't need to drill into the safe.
They had my ID.
They already have all the cash.
What?
Then why'd they bring all that heavy-duty equipment?
So you're a cop.
- Ah.
- I hate cops.
- They gave me this.
- Nice!
Finally, a good bad guy.
This dude gets it.
Now I'm gonna kill you.
Okay, you took it a little too far.
Maybe scale it back a skosh.
All set down here.
Okay, start loading out.
I just have one piece of business to take care of.
You know, killing a man is not as easy as it sounds.
I've killed ten men.
And that's such a nice, round number.
Wouldn't you agree?
I mean, imagine.
"I've killed 11 people." It just sounds so cumbersome.
Ooh!
Yippie kayak, other buckets!
Boyle!
You did it!
And you completely botched the catchphrase.
- I'm pretty sure it was right.
- No, but you did great.
Ahh.
All right.
Look, we have to stop the other robbers.
They're escaping with the merch.
How?
Terry's got the place surrounded.
The drill.
It's not for the safe.
They're using it to tunnel out of here.
And those farts Gina kept smelling?
- Uh-huh. 
They were Ramon.
- No, it was sewage.
And Ramon.
We have to tell Terry they're escaping through the sewers.
What's a brother got to do to get a wet wipe?
Don't say that.
♪ ♪
- Merry Christmas.
- Ho ho ho.
I'm starving.
"I'm starving"?
We had a thing going!
Jake!
Oh, I'm so glad you're okay.
Wow, you were really worried about me?
Mm-hmm, also your face is so warm, and I think I have hypothermia.
Sergeant, we need to talk.
I'm not in trouble for what I did to the Vulture, am I?
You think people will believe he threw himself in the garbage?
No.
But this was a high-pressure situation, and you rose to the occasion.
You may have saved lives tonight.
The squad is my family, and I'll always protect my family.
Except for Zeke.
That deadbeat giant can fend for himself.
There's a Lieutenant's exam coming up, and I think you should take it.
It's the next step to becoming a Captain.
I didn't do anything.
It was all Jake and Charles.
Mm, spoken like a true Captain.
Also, you are in trouble.
You're suspended one week.
But you've got a bright future.
But I'll need your badge and gun.
Hey, buddy.
I couldn't find the cologne you wanted to give Amy, but I did get a Canyon Stank gift set.
It's all three stanks, plus the body spray.
- Oh, wow. 
Thanks, Charles.
- Yeah.
Look, I didn't forget Amy's gift.
I forgot yours.
The Canyon Stank was for you.
What?
Why didn't you just tell me?
Oh, because it would have crushed my heart and ruined our friendship.
Good call.
Look, it sucks, and I was selfish.
I should have gotten you something better.
You did.
You surrendered yourself to keep me safe.
Not only that, you sacrificed your John McClane moment.
It should have been you saying, "Yippie kayak, other buckets!"
Ah, I know you have the moral high ground right now, but it still makes me so angry.
Eh.
Anyways, Merry Christmas, buddy.
You too, buddy.
Gina!
♪ ♪
Hey, whoa, whoa!
Whoa! 
Hey!
Hey! 
Oh!
Whoa!
It works!
The flamethrower works!
- Yeah!
- No, Gina, no!
Gina, no!
Somebody take her down!

- Ooh! 
Come here.
Come here, come here, come here.
You got to see this.
I'm about to give Captain Holt his gift.
- Oh, did he lift his "no gift" policy?
- No, he didn't.
But I figured out a way to buy him something and trick him into accepting it.
- You are bad.
- I know, right?
Oh, wait.
You're making fun of me.
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, I don't care.
He would never open a gift, right?
But what if his gift didn't look like a gift?
- He would open it?
- Exactly!
I left it in a cardboard box on his desk.
There's no card, just the words "Open now,"
which I wrote with my wrong hand so he wouldn't recognize my handwriting.
Captain.
- Santiago. 
Peralta.
- Sir.
So just to recap, you left an unmarked package on a police captain's desk on a random Monday, with a suspicious message written on it that looked like it was scrawled by a crazy person.
- Mm-hmm.
- Bomb! 
There's a bomb!
Everyone out!
Let's go, let's go!
[alarmblares] This is not a drill!
Let's go!
- Great gift, babe.
[upbeatmusic]
♪♪ 
- Ho, ho, ho, Jake.
Special delivery from Santa's elf.
Merry Christmas.
- Ah.
[gasps]
- Heart Attack soda.
- Holy crap! 
I love this stuff!
You know, technically, it's just carbonated fudge.
- I know.
- I thought they banned it.
- Not in Syria.
They use it to induce labor in goats.
And your real present arrives tomorrow.
- There's more?
Charles, this is too much.
- Nonsense!
It was just a lot of time and a lot of money.
- Oh.
Gina!
I screwed up.
I forgot to get Charles anything.
- Oh, well, I always knew he would die of sadness.
- I'm such a selfish jerk.
I was just so focused on Amy's gift that I completely spaced.
His present to me was so personal.
All right, think.
What does Charles love?
Gross food, tan pants, "MasterChef Junior."
Ooh, I could call up one of those kids and offer them a free trip to New York.
- I wouldn't do that.
- Right, 'cause I'm a stranger, and I shouldn't be luring them out of state.
Good call.
- Jake, just go to Goodwin's.
They're open late, and they have everything.
- Right. 
Smart.
Please come with me.
Please, I need help picking something out.
Please, Gina?
I'll take a pic of Terry in the locker room for you.
- No towel, with his foot up on the bench.
- Towel on, still wet from the shower.
- I'm in.
- Hey, guys.
What's up?
both: 
Nothing.
- Diaz, are we still on for the Polar Bear Swim tonight?
- It's either that or go caroling with my family, so, yeah.
I'd rather walk into the freezing ocean.
- Wait, what?
You guys are doing the polar swim?
Why didn't you ask me?
- Oh, we didn't think you'd be interested.
- Yeah, you're always cold.
You brought a blanket to a Mets game in mid-July.
- [scoffs] This one thinks July 18th is mid-July.
You guys think I'm some kind of wimp, but I'm not.
I am tough, and I'm strong, and I love to splash around in chilly water.
- It's not chilly, it's as cold as the waters of Cocytus, the frozen lake of hell.
- I'll see you there.
I can't wait to dunk my junk.
- [groans]
- Okay, gang.
I'm out.
I'll be back on the 27th.
I've got two days of family time.
Do not attempt to contact me.
I do not want a repeat of last year when Scully called me 50 times on Christmas morning.
- No.
I called you once.
My butt called the other 49.
- Yeah, well, my brother-in-law Zeke was real judgy about how much my phone was buzzing.
[phonevibratesandrings]
- Somebody's got a lot of business to tend to.
Who are you?
Barbara Corcoran?
- He didn't even make me one of the good sharks.
I'm clearly Lori.
Nobody call me.
- Gina!
It's our first annual Boyle-Linetti Christmas.
Are you excited about going to town on Daddy's nog?
- Christmas is cancelled.
Charles ruined it.
I'm gonna be a little late.
I got to help Jake do some shopping.
- Oh, last-minute gifts.
Ooh, who didn't make the cut?
Tell me, Jake, who's the poor sack at the bottom of your list?
- Actually, Amy.
- Amy? 
Oof! 
That's bad.
- Mm-hmm.
- Just give her whatever you got me.
- Really?
But then I wouldn't have a gift for you.
Would you be cool with that?
- No, that would eviscerate me.
I'll get my coat.
I'm gonna help you find something for her.
- Oh, that's not necessary.
- Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, Jake.
- Also not necessary to touch my face.
- It's Christmas.
A time for friendship.
- Damn it.
All right.
I guess you'll just have to distract him when we get to the store.
- On it.
I'll take him to housewares and I'll ask him the difference between a skillet and a frying pan.
That'll buy you six hours.
- Perfect.
Gina, you just saved Christmas.
- It's what I do.
Every damn year.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- Wait! 
No, no, no, no, no!
Don't lock the door!
I just need to buy one thing.
I'll be so fast,
I won't even pay!
How did that not work?
- Hey, there's still people in there.
They're not closed.
- First time at a retail store, Oliver Twist?
They lock the doors, but if you're still inside, you get an extra 15 minutes to finish up.
- Oh, perfect, so we should just try and sneak in an entrance through the back.
Boyle, you'll have to stay here.
It's too dangerous.
- No way I let you take that risk alone.
- Damn it, you are loyal.
Shall we?
[suspensefulmusic]
♪♪ 
Ohh!
♪♪ 
- Whereas, with the skillet, the approach to fish skin is completely different.
- Uh-huh.
- And your spatula technique is completely intuitive.
- Please, tell me more.
- Okay. 
I got it.
They're closing.
Let's go.
- Oh, let's take a peep at that purchase.
- Cologne?
- Uh, it's perfume.
For a lady. 
Woman.
- It's called "Canyon Stank."
It's got a man riding a burro on it.
- Oh, does it? 
I didn't notice.
I just like the way it smelled.
- I wear this cologne, Jake.
I'm a Stank man.
- Um, I don't know, maybe just subconsciously
I wanted Amy to smell more like you.
- Okay, little creepy, bud.
Coming on real strong.
- Wow, the tables have really turned.
[glass shatters]
- Shut up!
Keep walking!
- Shoot!
The store is being robbed!
Come here.
♪♪ 
All right, just slowly back up.
There's a door behind us.
We just have to get outside and call the Nine-Nine.
Go.
-Justheadfor the vault.
We'regood.
♪♪ 
-Lock'emup! 
- They're sealing the exits.
- Oh, my God.
It's real life "Die Hard."
I mean, "Oh, no! 
Crime."
[suspensefulmusic]
- They've taken all the security guards.
I left my gun in my locker.
Are you carrying?
- No, mine's at work.
Boyle Christmas charades can get pretty competitive and it's best not to have firearms around.
- We don't need guns.
I have a lighter, okay?
We get some hairspray, make some flamethrowers.
Let's fry these bitches.
- No one is frying any bitches.
Charles, did you call this into dispatch?
- Yes, but I can't get in touch with anyone from the Nine-Nine.
- Right--Amy, Rosa, and Holt are having the time of their lives splashing around in the freezing, filthy ocean.
I'll try Terry.
- Thank you for this amazing year.
Thank you for the food in front of us.
[phonevibratesandrings]
And my family, which is my number one priority.
Much more than...phones.
- Just take the call, Barbara Corcoran.
- This better be an emergency.
There better be a gun to your head.
- Charles, Gina, and I are in a hostage situation.
- Oh, God, I shouldn't have said the gun thing.
Terry regrets the way he answered the phone.
- We're at Goodwin's.
There are multiple gunmen.
They've blocked all the exits, they've taken the security guards hostage, and we're looking for a place to hide.
It's awesome.
- Awesome?
- Awesomely serious.
I am not enjoying this, no matter how much it is 100% my favorite movie come to life.
- The important thing is keep Gina safe.
You have a civilian with you.
I'm on the way.
- Cool. 
Oh!
Also bring a pic of yourself in a towel coming out of the shower.
Can'texplainwhy,okay?
Gottago,bye.
- There's a serious situation going down they need my help with.
- Did one of your detectives lose his head up his own butt?
- You don't even have a job, Zeke!
You know what, I'm not supposed to be bringing this up, but I'm bringing it up!
I'm sick of hearing you got things brewing.
You ask me, the only thing you got brewing is a pot of BS!
Kids, I love you.
Sharon, you are perfect.
Zeke, get a job!
♪♪  [menshoutingindistinctly]
♪♪ 
- Okay, we should be safe in here.
This place looks good.
- Good?
It's great!
Santa's chair.
- All right, ESU's on their way.
Our top priority is keeping Gina safe.
- Keeping me safe?
I'm gonna help you take these guys down.
[mimics hairspray can hissing]
- No, you're not doing anything like that.
You're not a cop.
- I've watched what you do for six years.
It's not that difficult.
"NYPD! 
You're under arrest!" [blows raspberry]
- That was clearly an impression of Charles.
But stay here with him while I do some recon.
- Wait, shouldn't we all stick together?
- Someone has to asses the situation, Boyle.
Plus, we're trapped, on Christmas, with a bunch of bad guys who are very likely German.
This is my John McClane moment.
- Okay.
You're gonna need a tank top.
You can have mine.
- No need.
I snagged this on the way here.
- "Baby Grrl"?
- Yeah, they didn't have the best selection.
I'll probably just skip the tank.
- Yeah.
- I will return.
- Okay.
Gina.
- You all right?
You look pretty cold.
- I'm not. 
I'm actually hot.
[airhornblows]
Hot, and ready to get this super fun thing over with.
- First, a toast.
- Great. 
Let's drag this out.
- To the sea.
- To the sea! 
Hear, hear!
- I wasn't done.
- Chill, Amy, let him finish his ocean toast.
- Thank you, Rosa.
I'm reminded of a beloved Christmas Carol by English poet Christina Rossetti.
"In the bleak mid-winter, frosty wind made moan,
Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone."
- Moan, stone, phone.
We get it.
Down the hatch.
Let's get this over with.
Gah!
Weeeeeeeee!
Noooo!
Oh, my God!
[sirens wailing]
- Excuse me, Sergeant Jeffords with the Nine-Nine.
I've got two detectives and a civilian in there.
Who's in charge?
- I am, ding-dong.
- The Vulture?
- That's right. 
It's me.
In the flesh.
Happy Kwanzaa.
- Oh, man.
You can't say that.
♪♪ 
- All right, let's see what we're dealing with.
I'll call you...
Klaus.
♪♪  [glassshatters]
You will be Guenter.
With the little dots over the U.
♪♪ 
Jurgen.
-Hey,Matt.
Areyouin position?
- I'm here.
- Oh, great, the bad guy's name is Matt.
Hey, sorry that took so long.
Gina, you doing okay?
You scared?
- I'm scared you won't let me make a flamethrower and use it to throw flame.
- You're right.
I will not do that.
You're gonna stay here and keep hiding.
Boyle and I are gonna handle this.
Here's the situation.
12 terrorists, 1 cop.
Just the way he likes it.
- Who's he?
- Me!
- Why are you calling yourself "He"?
- Because that's the tagline from the "Die Hard" poster, and also my high school yearbook quote.
- Oh, I knew I recognized it.
Next time, lead with that.
- Right. 
Sorry.
Also, there aren't 12 of them.
There are seven, and they're not terrorists, they're robbers.
They brought drilling equipment to break into the safe.
- Okay, so it's really seven robbers, two cops, and one Gina.
- Yes. 
Exactly.
- Yeah.
- Where's Gina?
- Gina?
- There she is.
She went for the hairspray.
She is incorrigible.
- Who are you? 
Come here.
- No!
- No, no, no, no.
Jake, they're taking Gina.
- Yeah, I know.
We're looking at the same thing.
- What?
They got Gina?
I told you to watch her!
-I know.
I am so sorry, but I promise you, we will get her back.
- Oh, this is bad.
I got to report this to the Vulture.
He's in charge.
- Ugh!
The Vulture?
I thought he was on his massage tour of Southeast Asia.
- He's leaving tomorrow.
That'swhyhe wantsthis overquickly.
He wants to storm the building.
- No!
No, no, no.
That is a bad idea.
Look, we still haven't figured out where they're holding Gina and the rest of the hostages.
If you guys come busting in here, things could go sideways real fast.
- That's what I told him, but then he just repeated it back to me in a lady's voice.
-Listento me ,Sarge.
Boyle and I can take these guys out one by one and no one will get hurt.
Just ask the Vulture to give me some more time.
He'll be reasonable.
What am I talking about?
It's the Vulture.
Tell him Tila Tequila's doing a free show in Central Park.
- Then how come Tila just posted a selfie from the Kid Rock show in Daytona, bro?
Yeah, I follow her.
You know what?
I know what's going on here.
Jake wants to go solo, and he's trying to steal my thunder.
- He's inside and he has eyes on the situation.
- Look, I'm in command here.
Look around you.
I control all of this.
You see that guy behind you?
That sniper?
He'll shoot whoever I tell him to.
Even you.
- No, I won't.
- Fine.
Then, uh, he'll sit on any rooftop I tell him to.
Hey, go sit on that rooftop, guy.
- Look, just give Jake a chance.
If he fails, then you can storm the building.
- I'll give him a chance to sit on his little white butt and wait for me to come rescue him.
You tell him that I'm Liam Neeson and he's my hot, dumb daughter.
- All right, we're outnumbered and unarmed.
If we're gonna get Gina back, we need weapons.
This place sells hammers, wrenches-- 
- Do they sell plants?
Because some of that potting soil is very toxic if ingested in large quantities.
- So you want to feed the bad guys a lot of soil?
- Force-feed 'em.
- Okay, that's a good option that I will definitely consider.
Now, let's go out there and gear our asses up.
both: 
Quietly.
["Slam"byOnyx]
- ♪ Slam, da duh duh, daduhduh♪
♪Makenoise,b-boys♪
-♪ I 'mthenitty,nasty, grittysmashing♪
♪Neverslowgassing♪ -♪ Fool♪
-♪ Strictlyswiftblast oftheraspy-raspfashion♪
♪Hitbetweenthe eyes, Iplanto vandalize♪
♪I supplythestatic, Irunwiththe bad guys♪
♪Thevillains,crooks, highlighters and the fighters ♪
♪Seethebig blackpicture ifyoulookinsideof♪
♪♪ 
- Ho ho ho?
-♪ Slam,da duhduh ♪ - [grunting]
-♪ Daduhduh , Lettheboysbeboys ♪
♪Slam,da duhduh ♪
♪Daduhduh , Makenoise,b-boys♪
♪Slam,da duhduh ♪ - [grunts]
- ♪ Da duh duh, Lettheboysbeboys ♪
♪Slam,da duhduh , daduhduh♪
- Hey, Matt.
- Oof!
- That'll teach you to have a dumb, normal name.
All right, where are you holding the hostages?
- Oh, bet you'd like to know, eh?
- Canadian?
No!
You're so clearly supposed to be German.
Are any of you German?
both: 
Mm-mm.
- Russian?
both: 
Mm-mm.
- North Korean?
- Mm-mm.
- Greek?
- [mumbles]
- I don't trust the way the Greeks dance.
- No one does.
-Youthere?
- Oh.
Uh, yeah, I was oot, but now I'm back, eh?
-Meetme in  theservicecorridor.
We'vegotasituation withthehostages.
- Okey dokey, sorry to hear aboot that.
Service corridor.
- That was great, Jake.
- Thanks.
- Peralta just texted.
He knows where the hostages are.
He wants 15 more minutes.
- And I want my lesbian neighbors to be way hotter than they are, but we can't always get what we want, right?
I'm ordering that raid.
Hey!
Give that back to me.
Are you serious?
I will end your career.
You'll be out there working as a model because, well, you know, you're shredded, and I respect that.
Give me that walkie talkie, now.
- Those are my people in there!
You are not gonna give that order!
- Stand down.
- No.
- Stand down or I'm gonna make you.
Hey, you turds, get off the roofs and help me!
Get off your roofs!
- I can't do it.
I'm a wimp, just like you said.
- I didn't say that, and I don't care if you go in.
- Be honest. 
You're judging me.
- I'm really not.
- I am, a bit.
No lies on Christmas.
Diaz, shall we?
- What?
Oh!
Oh.
Guys!
Captain? 
Rosa?
Oh, please hear me from land!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. 
Oh!
- Ahh!
Welcome to the frozen-- 
- Shut your dumb poem mouth!
I'm so sorry.
No, I'm not!
We have a crisis. 
We have to go.
Let's go.
Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold.
[suspensefulmusic]
♪♪ 
- How are we gonna get past them without a gunfight?
- I'll tell you how John McClane would do it.
The vents.
- Ah, blast the AC, they get chilly, they leave to find sweaters.
- No, we're gonna climb through them.
- Even better.
Classic use of vents.
- Yeah.
[nail clangs] [indistinctradiochatter]
- I think we're good.
[metal clangs]
I don't think we're good anymore.
-Who'sthere?
Dave,isthatyou ?
- What are we gonna do?
They know we're here.
- No, they know I'm here.
Quick, hide.
Go, go, go, go.
Hey, hosers.
It's me, Dave, eh?
[grunts] Didn't work.
- Jake.
Jake! 
Jake!
- Ah!
- Are you okay?
- Oh, my head hurts.
Probably from being conked on it.
How are you?
- I'm tied up. 
I'm scared.
This guy hasn't stopped farting for the last hour.
- I keep telling you, it's not me.
- Ramon, do you really want your last words to be a lie?
- Those aren't gonna be your last words, Ramon, all right?
We're all gonna be fine.
They're gonna drill into the safe, take the money, and then go.
- They don't need to drill into the safe.
They had my ID.
They already have all the cash.
- What?
Then why'd they bring all that heavy-duty equipment?
- So you're a cop.
- Ah.
- I hate cops.
They gave me this.
- Nice!
Finally, a good bad guy.
This dude gets it.
- Now I'm gonna kill you.
- Okay, you took it a little too far.
Maybe scale it back a skosh.
-Allsetdownhere .
- Okay, start loading out.
I just have one piece of business to take care of.
- You know, killing a man is not as easy as it sounds.
- I've killed ten men.
- And that's such a nice, round number.
Wouldn't you agree?
I mean, imagine.
"I've killed 11 people." It just sounds so cumbersome.
[laughs nervously]
- [grunts] 
- Ooh!
- Yippie kayak, other buckets!
- Boyle!
You did it!
And you completely botched the catchphrase.
- I'm pretty sure it was right.
- No, but you did great.
Ahh.
- [grunts] All right.
- Look, we have to stop the other robbers.
They're escaping with the merch.
- How?
Terry's got the place surrounded.
- The drill.
It's not for the safe.
They're using it to tunnel out of here.
And those farts Gina kept smelling?
- Uh-huh. 
They were Ramon.
- No, it was sewage.
- And Ramon.
- We have to tell Terry they're escaping through the sewers.
- What's a brother got to do to get a wet wipe?
- Don't say that.
♪♪ 
- Merry Christmas.
- Ho ho ho.
- I'm starving.
- "I'm starving"?
We had a thing going!
[dramaticmusic]
- Jake!
Oh, I'm so glad you're okay.
- Wow, you were really worried about me?
- Mm-hmm, also your face is so warm, and I think I have hypothermia.
- Sergeant, we need to talk.
- I'm not in trouble for what I did to the Vulture, am I?
You think people will believe he threw himself in the garbage?
- No.
But this was a high-pressure situation, and you rose to the occasion.
You may have saved lives tonight.
- The squad is my family, and I'll always protect my family.
Except for Zeke.
That deadbeat giant can fend for himself.
- There's a Lieutenant's exam coming up, and I think you should take it.
It's the next step to becoming a Captain.
- I didn't do anything.
It was all Jake and Charles.
- Mm, spoken like a true Captain.
Also, you are in trouble.
You're suspended one week.
But you've got a bright future.
But I'll need your badge and gun.
- Hey, buddy.
I couldn't find the cologne you wanted to give Amy, but I did get a Canyon Stank gift set.
It's all three stanks, plus the body spray.
- Oh, wow. 
Thanks, Charles.
- Yeah.
- Look, I didn't forget Amy's gift.
I forgot yours.
The Canyon Stank was for you.
- What?
Why didn't you just tell me?
Oh, because it would have crushed my heart and ruined our friendship.
Good call.
- Look, it sucks, and I was selfish.
I should have gotten you something better.
- You did.
You surrendered yourself to keep me safe.
Not only that, you sacrificed your John McClane moment.
It should have been you saying, "Yippie kayak, other buckets!"
- Ah, I know you have the moral high ground right now, but it still makes me so angry.
- Eh.
- Anyways, Merry Christmas, buddy.
- You too, buddy.
[rockmusic]
- Gina!
♪♪ 
- Hey, whoa, whoa!
Whoa! 
Hey!
Hey! 
Oh!
- [screams]
- [laughs] 
- Whoa!
- It works!
The flamethrower works!
Yeah!
- No, Gina, no!
Gina, no!
- Somebody take her down!
-Fremulon.
-Notadoctor.
-Shh.

Previously on Chasing Life...
- Will you marry me?
- You can always think about it some more.
- Mom.
- Fine. 
I am totally supportive of you and your whirlwind marriage.
We're gonna have to make another sacrifice.
You're making me leave Charton?
I can't really say no to April these days.
And there's the person I can't say no to.
- Who's that?
- My ex.
- We have a match.
- Finally.
I found dad's unpublished manuscript.
Our dad... 
Is the worst.
- Is that dad's book?
- Yeah.
Our nation's president wasn't the only man partaking in some nefarious activities.
I hope they impeach him.
Now, Rose, that is no way to talk about our president.
I can't imagine what she'd think of me if she knew the truth.
Trying to make up for the fact that you're going to be gone on your fishing trip for so long?
- Precisely.
- Of course not.
Remind me again why you're going to be gone for two whole weeks?
I drew a blank on the excuse I'd told this time.
With so many lies, it was harder to keep track of the reality.
I had three jobs:
Keeping my obligation down south compliant, making sure my family in Rhode Island remained oblivious,
- and...
- Hey, Carson, turn on the TV!
Nancy, Rose, Ellen, stay down!
- Whatever you do, don't get up.
- Dad, what's going on?
- So, what do you think?
- Well, from what I've read so far, it is a book about man with two families, because he's a spy fighting communists at the tail end of the cold war.
Both families are just like us.
April, there are parts of this book that are ripped directly from my childhood, like when the character goes to visit his "obligation down south,"
he brings her an old record...
Exactly as he used to do for me.
- Timothy Carson is our dad.
- Okay, okay, maybe there are some similarities, but... 
last time I checked, nobody got shot in my house.
And the first line of the book is
"this is a story about how I lived my life and planned my death."
Dad died in a car accident.
How does Timothy Carson die?
The book stops mid-sentence.
It's not finished.
Natalie, maybe you're misunderstanding some of...
So now you're questioning my reading comprehension?
No.
I just think that you might be trying to turn this into something that it isn't.
There's no way our dad is this character. 
It's just fiction.
We all suffered from dad's lie, and you definitely got the worst of it, but I think he was just trying his best to make everyone happy.
Okay, yeah, that's what I thought...
Before this book.
But now that I've read it,
I've learned all the manipulative stuff he had to do to try to cover his tracks for two decades...
The secret credit cards, the paying off both families with money and gifts to make sure we stayed oblivious.
Just... keep reading.
So, you'll start at the altar, then the bridesmaids will come down with the groomsmen, and then I'll come down.
Wait. 
Who... who's walking you down the aisle?
Oh. 
I don't know. 
Maybe my mom...
Or Uncle George.
Let's sidebar that.
I get there, and then the Awakening passage is read.
Okay, we can't have a reading from that book at our wedding.
Kate Chopin's words are beautiful
"The voice of the sea speaks to the soul"?
Yeah, well, her main character ends up killing herself in that scene. 
No way.
Okay, well, we can't have
Savage Garden lyrics read at our wedding either.
What do you have against Savage Garden?
You're trying to be ironic, and irony doesn't work with a traditional wedding ceremony.
Okay, we have a problem, because I don't want this thing to be a snoozefest.
The ceremony's gotta be...
-Short and sweet. 
-My vows aren't even gonna be short and sweet.
We're writing our own vows?
- Are you...
- Hey, guys.
- Everything okay?
- Mm-hmm.
I don't know! 
Why don't you ask
Mr. Chica Cherry Cola over here.
Okay, I am sorry that Savage Garden was the seminal band of my youth.
Clearly you guys are under a lot of wedding stress.
You're curating the ceremony, arranging the seating charts, not to mention figuring out what you're gonna wear.
Hey, at least I got my tux already.
- She still doesn't have a dress.
- Oh my god!
- You don't.
- Whenever I have an engaged couple come in to see me...
Mom, it's okay. 
You don't have to shrink us.
No, no, I'm just... 
I wanna provide you guys with some tools to help you communicate better.
It's important to learn how to deal with the smaller issues before the bigger ones come along.
That way you're prepared.
There's a questionnaire that was created by some psychologists to help gain a better understanding of your partner.
It's called "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness."
You two haven't been together that long.
I'm sure there's some things you could still learn about one another.
But now I have so many options,
I could wear practically anything.
Yeah, upside to public school.
- It's stressing me out.
- You will be fine.
Yeah, school is school.
Whatever.
I'm glad that we're having fun tonight, though.
Me too.
Margo! 
What a coincidence!
Juliet, what are you doing here?
I am pub hopping.
Alone?
Well, who else am I gonna go with since we broke up?
- Wait, this is your ex?
- Brenna, meet Juliet.
You... have such a youthful glow.
No bags under your eyes. 
La Mer?
Estee Lauder? 
La Prairie?
Um, Aveeno, I think.
Juliet is thirsty. 
Garcon?
Juliet has had enough. 
I am going to take her drunk ass home.
But it's a cute drunk ass, right?
Are we still on for that Nicole Holofcener movie marathon at the Brattle?
Ooh.
Good. 
I promise it will be less distracting.
- Okay, you're good. 
Yes.
- Mmm. 
Mmm!
- The best fries.
- Yeah. 
Come on.
As the weeks went by, so did the grieving for grandma Ida.
The Narragansett sun peeked through the blinds, casting an apricot glow around the room as I got ready for my next trip.
- Hey, sweetie.
- As I went to hide my .45,
I remembered... 
That secret was out.
Why are you bringing a Hollies record with you on your trip?
A secretary at Langley likes British rock from the '60s, so I thought it'd be nice.
The record was for Lisa, her half-sister she doesn't know about.
It was a material object to make her feel loved.
Perhaps fretting over my fabrications was the least of my problems, since everyone around me was just so easy to deceive.
So, dad...
Ever since we found out about you being in the C.I.A.,
I told you, honey, the family's safe.
What happened the other day was just an isolated thing. 
It just...
No, it's not about that.
A C.I.A. agent is incredibly noble work, especially in today's world, and I want to do it.
I wanna follow in your footsteps and become a spy.
I've even done some research.
I couldn't believe my daughter's audacity.
Had I inflated her id so tremendously, she thought she had what it took to be me?
Rose... 
I just don't think you have it in you to do the job that I do, sweetie.
Rose's despair was palpable.
Maybe I was too harsh.
There are other jobs within the organization that you might be right for, perhaps an analyst.
It's a desk job, but you'd get to use that bright brain of yours.
I could see the wheels in Rose's head beginning to turn, like a train leaving the station,
Bye, sweetie.
It was obvious, in that moment,
Rose was imagining her life as a C.I.A. Analyst.
Not her dream, but a job.
-Oh.
-Now you see what I'm dealing with?
You know what they say about a guy with a giant pet snake?
- He's a loser.
- Oh, well, they're all losers.
-Who are all losers?
-Oh, the men I've met on this dating app.
The other night I had a date with a guy who was a Paul Revere living statue.
He came straight from work. 
Think about that.
Are you sure it's not a big deal that Graham's coming to the wedding?
What? 
No!
I know you said you're okay that Dominic's bringing Mrs. plus-one, but...
Hey, I am totally fine with it, okay?
That being said, it wouldn't hurt to have a hot guy...
Preferably one who's not a serial killer...
On my arm to show that warby-Parker bespectacled pescatarian that I have moved on.
I knew there was a reason I saved this all these years!
Okay, so, we were thinking that since you're still dress-less, maybe you could wear this.
Beth said she might be able to do some alterations.
And...
Oh Gah... 
I had no idea.
Wow. 
Oh. 
Mom, it's...
Wow. 
Wow.
Not too dated, right?
That dress is the worst thing I have ever seen,
- and you were a c-section.
- I'm officially in panic mode.
Well, there's still my dress.
Mom, if my dress from the '80s isn't gonna work,
I hardly think yours is any better.
Hey, hey, hey, wait, wait, wait.
I'm sure that I can work my magic...
- Yeah.
- And turn it into something a little... 
less retro.
Let me help you down the stairs,
- because death by this dress...
- Okay.
Would be tragic on so many levels.
So, I'm guessing you don't want the matching hat.
Wait, mom.
I know we've already sent out the invitations, but I realized we didn't invite any of dad's old friends.
Do you think he'd want any of them at the wedding?
Hmm. 
Neil, his roommate at Hampshire.
I guess I could dig up his address somewhere.
Or, like, Edwin Shaw.
I haven't heard that name in a long time.
I have no idea where he is.
It's like he fell off the face of the planet.
I even tried to get in touch with him about your dad's funeral.
I never heard back.
It's a real shame.
Edwin D. Shaw.
So, you want to tackle this questionnaire?
What if we went away to answer the questions?
- A change of scenery might be nice.
- Well, I do love hotels, and all the things that you can do in those hotels.
- I mean sex.
- Oh.
Well, I've always wanted to stay at the Federal in Providence.
Well, looks like we're going to get intimate at the Federal.
- Hmm! 
You mean sex?
- Mm-hmm. 
Mmm.
Are you the girl that just transferred from Charton?
-Umm, yeah.
-I can't even... 
That is beyond amazing.
I'm obsessed with private school culture.
Guys wearing ties to school, it's so hot.
I'm Sydney.
The sick kid? 
His name's Finn.
He has cancer and only one leg.
Isn't that like the saddest thing ever?
He's only here part-time, because he's still so sick, and I hear that he has to wear that face mask at all times, which I'm so confused by. 
I mean, they didn't wear masks in "The Fault in our Stars".
- Right.
- So I have a Harper's Bazaar.
I subscribe. 
Do you want to sit together and go through it with me?
Cut out some stuff for our vision board?
No thanks.
- How long have we been doing this?
- Shh! 
It's been like one minute.
That's it? 
I thought we were just supposed to be answering questions.
Well, they also suggest keeping eye contact for four minutes to improve intimacy. 
I don't know. 
It's weird.
- Let's just do the questions.
- Oh, thank god.
Okay, let's see. 
Um...
"Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?"
Really? 
Wow. 
Well, this is gonna be...
A bit of a stretch,
- so bear with me here.
- Okay.
- Cancer.
- All right, your turn.
"Would you like to be famous? 
In what way?"
Excuse me, I already am famous, okay?
I seized on local television.
I was a widely tweeted gif. 
I trended nationwide.
You know, it's a miracle I am still so humble.
Maybe we should take this a little more seriously.
- Okay.
- Okay.
"What is your most terrible memory?"
- And it can't be cancer-related.
- Ooh, game changer.
I like that. 
Let me think about it.
Okay, there was this one time at Exeter,
I missed curfew, and the Dean made me clean the junior boys' bathroom.
- Yeah.
- That's your most terrible memory?
16-year-old boys are disgusting.
- Do you want to know the amount of raw...
- No no, no no.
- Let's move on.
- Mm-hmm.
- Here you go.
- Okay.
Let's see here.
"Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time?
"Why haven't you done it?"
I've dreamed of having sex with my fiancee ever since we got off I-95.
And why haven't you done it?
- I have no idea.
- Oh my god.
So many pillows!
No...
Hoo!
That was a much better use of four minutes.
- Four?
- Mm-hmm.
Rude! 
That was at least five.
Mwah!
So, any other questions?
- Can we get back to that later?
-Mm-hmm.
I really want to check out the Mike Kelley exhibit at the Risd Museum for a bit.
I know you don't like seeing stuffed animals as art, so...
Yuck. 
Have fun. 
I think I'm gonna get a burger at Harry's.
I went there a lot when I did my pre-college program at Brown.
- And, yes...
- What?
I did a pre-college program at Brown.
Okay. 
I'm gonna get ready.
Oh! 
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Excuse me. 
Mr. Shaw?
You are three minutes late.
I hate latecomers. 
Take a seat.
I'm sorry. 
I'm... 
Isabelle, and I wanted to ask you a few quick questions about your process.
Well, the seminar's about to begin and I don't offer one-on-one time.
But for you, I could make an exception.
Hotel bar, say, seven o'clock?
Great.
- Thank you.
- Yes. 
You're not staying?
Hello, hello, everyone, and welcome.
And now to begin, I would like to talk about E.M. Forster whose famous words were "only connect."
That's what we do as writers, we connect.
And how do we do that? 
By sharing secrets.
We open our veins and let the blood pour onto the page.
- Sara? 
Is that you?
- Oh my gosh!
Billy Conti! 
God!
-Van Buren High School. 
How are you?
-Oh! 
My god.
- What has it been, 30 years?
- No, don't... don't remind me.
Nobody calls me Billy. 
William. 
I haven't been called Billy since...
- I came out in college.
- You're gay.
- Very.
- I probably should've known.
I thought you knew.
Well, we went to, what, five ABBA concerts.
- I love ABBA.
- I know.
So, tell me... 
What's going on with you?
I'm the head creative director at my graphic design firm.
My son graduated from Northwestern in June.
I just got back from a safari in South Africa.
So, how about... 
How about you?
Things are wonderful. 
Really.
My older daughter is getting married in a few weeks
-to Leo Hendrie, Bruce's son.
-Wow.
And my younger daughter just finished her first short film.
That's great you... mmm!
You have it all figured out.
- It's so great to see you.
- I'm sorry.
I... 
I don't want to lie to you, but my older daughter is getting married, but it's only because she has leukemia, and my younger daughter, I just had to put her into public school,
because I just had to concede that I cannot afford private.
Oh, and my husband died, and I found out, crazily enough, after he passed away that he has a secret family living down in Florida.
You know what? 
Sorry to have unloaded that on you, Billy...
-William.
-No, no, no, no. 
That's... that's...
Wow. 
I may have exaggerated...
A bit. 
I...
I just went on safari, because my divorce was recently finalized.
My husband left me for a 20-year-old twink.
You know?
Oh.
- So...
- I know.
- I suppose life can be a bitch, huh?
- Yeah.
Well, especially when that bitch is a hairless young man named Tristan who was born in the 1990s.
- Oh no.
- Yeah.
- Well, can we catch up some more?
- Yes, yes! 
Yes!
- What are you doing tonight?
- Oh! 
Actually, tonight, my gay men's running club is having a meet-up here, but you should come. 
No, no, you should come, you should come.
It's so much more fun... than it sounds.
Every get-together ends in an ABBA sing-along.
- Really?
- Yes.
Okay. 
Well, some things never change.
No. 
Let's exchange...
- Yeah, yeah, okay.
- Yeah. 
Here, I've got...
Do you... 
Do you bump?
- Uh, let's see.
- Here.
- No.
- No, you don't bump. 
Okay.
Hey! 
How... 
How was your burger?
Awesome.
But you know, what wasn't awesome was going to the Risd Museum to find you, and you weren't there.
- Where were you? 
- Can we just go inside first? 
Do you have your card?
Okay. 
Natalie found this unpublished manuscript that our dad wrote, and it's basically a thinly veiled fictional version of our family.
At first I thought she was crazy, but then I read it, and there are actual moments from my life dramatized in it.
What does this have to do with you not being at the museum?
Well, the friend who was giving my dad notes on the manuscript is teaching a seminar here, and I thought I could ask him a couple of questions.
But when I went to talk to him, I couldn't get any face time, so I have to meet him
- at the hotel bar later.
- Okay, so our trip to Providence is actually about you trying to track down one of your dad's old friends?
Look, this book... 
There is a part that is exactly like the time that I told my dad I wanted to be a novelist just like he was, and instead he suggested I go into journalism.
You think your dad's old friend can tell you... ?
I don't know. 
With the wedding coming up,
I've been thinking a lot about my dad lately, and reading this book has been really eye-opening.
The narrator is this narcissistic anti-hero, but he's also a lot like my dad, so now I'm like, was my dad this bad in real life as this narrator is?
And if that one scene was ripped directly from my life, is everything else in the book true?
Did my dad plan his own death? 
Was he a spy?
I have no idea!
- I'm sorry.
- Why didn't you just tell me that?
We're getting married. 
We're supposed to be able to talk to each other.
I didn't want to burden you with my crazy family stuff.
But your family stuff is gonna be my family stuff.
And while I might not understand everything about marriage,
I think you're supposed to be able to tell anything to your spouse, which is obviously...
Something that we're not good at, because...
I mean, come on, us trying to...
Take that questionnaire seriously was a disaster.
Okay, you can't just blame me for that, though.
You couldn't even answer what your greatest dream is.
- I thought we were a couple who shares.
- Like you...
Like you honestly shared with me your most terrible memory?
- Hey, I told you exactly...
- Oh, please, I don't believe that.
There has to be something...
Okay, fine! 
You want to know what my most terrible memory is?
It's the time I got super drunk and slept with my best friend's girlfriend.
Happy?
- Where are you going?
- Last time I checked, we don't have to tell each other everything.
To alter it, but it's just too... nice.
It was very trendy in the '80s, but I guess you had to be there.
Don't even get me started on the shoulder pads.
I mean, what kind of a psychopath thought that that was a good idea?
I'm sorry my dress made you so angry.
It's not just about the dress. 
I mean...
Just... 
I'm never gonna find a date to April's wedding.
Oh. 
Well, if it's any consolation,
I'm going solo to the wedding, too.
I'm so tired of all these awful dates with all these awful men!
That's it. 
I give up.
Or maybe you just need a night off from being on.
I'm heading over to the Charles in a little bit.
I ran into an old friend.
He invited me to...
- I'm over guys.
- No, no, he's gay.
They're all gay. 
It's a gay men's running club meet-up.
Well, I am somewhat of a gay icon.
Okay. 
Yeah, let's do it.
High five for us not having to shave our legs.
Yes. 
Great. 
Oh my god!
I wanna be Catherine Keener when I grow up.
Oh man, totally.
She is the best actress in the world, and so amazing in all of Nicole's movies.
It's like she's her muse.
Every good artist needs one.
So, how was Juliet?
She's a drama queen, but let's not talk about her.
Tonight is about you and me.
And again, I am sorry we couldn't go back to my place.
My lazy landlord is finally fumigating.
It's okay. 
I just hope that my mom doesn't come home.
Or actually, maybe I kind of do.
Me on a date with a 23-year-old would so freak her out, and I'm kind of in the mood to freak her out.
Oh my god.
What if that's my mom?
What if she left her keys?
- Hide!
- I thought you didn't care.
Brenna, sweetie, hi.
- Uh...
- Really, Juliet?
How did you know that Margo... ?
We still follow each other on Place My Pals, obviously.
And Gertrude wanted to see her mommy. 
So can we come in?
Look at this place, huh? 
Hi.
- Mr. Shaw?
- Ah. 
Isabelle, yes?
Um, scotch for the lady, please. 
I hope that's okay.
Yeah. 
Mmm, scotch.
So, the assignment that you gave to us in the seminar this afternoon, I found it so interesting...
Writing a story, any genre, about losing your keys.
I loved it.
And I can't wait to read it.
I have to admit... 
I'm starstruck.
I'm so fascinated by your entire history...
Growing up on a farm in Maine, paying your way through college at Bates, and, as an aspiring writer myself, how you held workshops with your other writer friends
- to help edit each other.
- Ah yes, our very own Bloomsbury group.
Those were the good old days...
Before ego and book sales intruded upon the fun.
What impressive company, I mean, you and Thomas Carver.
Not to speak ill of the dead, but Thomas Carver?
- What an ass.
- I thought you two were good friends.
Oh, well, once upon a time.
Thomas and I had edited all of each other's writing since we first met at the Tam in the '80s...
When we were both starting our careers.
Yes, we were best friends.
But the guy was shady.
Get this. 
Thomas had two families...
A legitimate one in Boston, a secret one in Florida his wife didn't even know about.
Huh? 
And it gets worse.
The year before he died, he went full-on Hemingway.
- Thomas Carver?
- Yes!
I didn't see much of him, thank god, but when I did, he was blowing money, drinking, painkillers.
The guy had demons even I find dark.
I'm sorry. 
Just excuse me for one second.
No. 
Yes, of course. 
Take your time.
Hey. 
How you doing?
It's terrible.
And now I just... 
I feel so sick.
I don't know what's worse... 
The clinical trial or finding out that my dad was a jerk.
I'm sorry.
Everything I thought I knew about him is fake.
I hate him.
I could care less about his book or whatever else he did.
I just... 
I'm sorry, I should've told you.
I have an idea.
Ready to get your wedding reception on?
-I don't think we were invited.
-No, of course not.
But I figured, after what happened earlier, it might be nice to get back to our origins, have one of our adventures.
What do you say?
Howdy, y'all. 
We're just a couple of old college friends from Dallas.
How do you know the bride, y'all?
- Umm...
- Not bad, huh?
Sara knows her stuff.
Wha-oh!
Oh yeah, no, I'm a cousin from Calgary.
Did you tell him the story about the moose?
Oh yes, all... 
All "aboot" it.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm not Canadian.
Try the Melopita.
- Is that good?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- It's so good.
Here, take this.
Cheers.
So, the Farrah Fawcett poster in your room, that wasn't because you thought she was hot?
Oh god! 
No, no, I just loved her feathered hair.
It was so chic.
You really were, probably, one of the best boyfriends I ever had.
No, you were very respectful.
That's because... 
No offense...
I was never interested in all that, you know, stuff.
- Okay!
- I mean...
Wow. 
It's so good to get out of the house.
The past few months have just been...
Well, I... 
I already told you.
You know what, though?
I can't help but imagine that it's only going to get harder.
One daughter getting married and leaving home, and then the other one graduating from high school and...
Even my 75-year-old mother has a boyfriend, and that bridge club.
Emma? 
Worship her.
You know what? 
I went through a similar thing when my son went to college. 
It was as if...
I was entering a whole new phase of my life where my kid wasn't the center of my every breath.
I was... 
I felt lost.
Fortunately, my neighbor, Robert, introduced me to the running club.
Now, I have a life that's not just about being a dad.
It's weird, but it's also... 
It's gratifying.
To getting there.
"We always knew you two would tie the knot,
"even if it took Nick so long to propose."
Oh, Nick and your commitment issues.
And now, I'd like to call up the bride to dance with her father.
Are you okay?
I... hate that I'm sad that my dad won't be at my wedding, that... he won't walk me down the aisle, and...
I'll never have a father-daughter dance.
Mostly I hate that even after everything that I found out about him,
I still love him.
Well, that's... 
Because he'll always be your dad.
It was better not to know everything.
Well, you should know as much as you want.
But when it comes to the two of us, it's different.
We should get to know everything about each other.
I've done some crappy things in my life, like sleeping with my best friend's girlfriend, which I might've only done because I thought I was gonna die, but I still did it.
That's a part of who I am.
I want you to know all that stuff, the good and the bad.
I want that, too. 
I do.
It's just so hard to be open about everything when I'm just finding out about my dad's lies.
I get that.
Maybe I need to come to terms with who he really was, and I'm... 
I'm letting him hold me back from living my life, and that's no way to live.
Okay, first off, you're wrong
I'm telling you, I'm not. 
I studied abroad in Melbourne for six months.
Really? 
'Cause I was born there.
Race you to find out the answer?
Okay, fine.
Yes, got it first!
But... oh, damn it, you're right.
The official flower of Australia is the Golden Wattle.
- Who knew?
- I did.
- You know, you're a bad Aussie.
- Well, you're kind of a loser for having known that in the first place.
- That's something you should know.
- Hey. 
Beth, you having fun?
Best night in a while, actually.
Any chance that means you might join the running club?
Oh, William, while I often wish it were the case,
- I am not a gay man. 
- You don't have to be gay to be in the club.
- My son Gabe's not. 
- Hm-mmm.
Gabe's your son?
You're not gay.
I know. 
Bummer.
- I... 
I just assumed...
- Okay.
The ABBA sing-along is starting soon.
- Okay.
- Come on.
You've gotta do this. 
It's so much fun.
-Come on, come on. 
Come on, come on.
-Okay.
Come on, baby.
Come on.
- You've changed.
- Yeah, I've grown.
Yeah, you've also abandoned your responsibilities.
Gertrude is depressed and you don't even care.
- Look at her.
- She's just a dog.
- "She's just a dog"?
- Yeah.
Have you gone insane? 
It's like you've had a brain transplant.
I don't even know you anymore. 
I need some tea.
Can I get some tea in this house, please?
My mom usually keeps it in here.
-Your mom? 
Does she live here, too?
-Yeah.
- How old are you?
- How old are you?
- Brenna is 17.
- What?
You're dating a 17-year-old?
Is this real life? 
What's next? 
Are you gonna get a white van, sicko?
-Yeah.
-No wonder you always come home so giddy after you advise at that private school.
- Wait. 
You go home to her?
- Well, of course.
We still live together.
So, you're not fumigating.
No, but I'm looking for a new apartment, I swear.
It's just that Gertrude is still my dog.
Didn't you say that it's better to be with someone your own age?
- What's up with you dating a 40-year-old?
- Okay. 
You can't help who you fall in love with, and unlike you,
I am actually legal.
Look, Brenna... 
Juliet is still my best friend, and I still care about her.
I will always care about her.
Thank you, Margo.
That actually means a lot. 
I...
You're my best friend, too.
Margo, it's over.
You guys need to get out of my house, right now.
Gertrude, let's go.
Yes, may I help you?
I'm April Carver, Thomas's daughter.
Oh god.
I'm sorry. 
If I'd known,
I would never have attempted to... seduce...
I read the first 200 pages of the book that my dad was writing before he died.
Do you know if he ever finished it?
Well, yes, he did, but I never saw it.
Your father only sent me the first part when we were still talking.
Earlier, you said that he only went crazy a year before he died.
Do you know if anything happened?
No, I don't. don't you recall seeing a... change in him?
-No, I was away at college.
-Ah.
Well, yes, it... 
It really was as if a switch was flipped.
He transformed into a different person. 
Perhaps...
You're lucky you didn't have to see that side of him.
I've read all of my dad's books hundreds of times, but this one...
It's different.
Well, he was writing his manuscript during that period of time.
All I want is to know more. 
I have so many things I wish I could ask him.
Thomas Carver was many things, some, yes, not so flattering.
Yet one thing he always was, was a great writer.
I took a look at your story after you left and, come to think of it, reading your writing reminded me of editing...
His work.
Yes, you have your father's talent.
It must run in the gene pool, because there's...
Well, there's real promise here.
Remember, go at your own pace.
And if you get tired, just take a break.
Oh, and watch out for bike riders.
They are not our friends.
We're gonna meet at the Arlington entrance to the public garden.
- Okay. 
William.
- What?
-Thanks. 
Truly.
-Oh! 
We're gonna have so much fun!
-God, everyone's in such a rush.
-Yeah, I know.
- It's too early.
- Hey, are you guys coming?
Well, I have a confession, and it's shocking, but I absolutely hate running.
It sucks. 
Running culture makes me so mad.
I only showed up this morning because I thought you'd be here.
-I did the same thing.
-I'm just a social member of the club.
Can't help but love those ABBA sing-alongs.
-Right?
-Oh my god, they're the best!
- We don't need them.
- You're right, we don't.
- Enjoy.
- Yeah, you guys have fun.
God, they're gonna have the worst time.
-Yeah, why would you wanna run?
-I cannot think of anything worse!
It's too early to be running.
Okay...
- Are you ready?
- Are you?
Yeah, let's do it.
"Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time?
"Why haven't you done it?"
- Mmm. 
Honestly...
- There's only one way to be.
For a long time I dreamed of being a novelist like my dad.
And the reason I didn't do it was because he discouraged me.
You know what? 
Screw my dad.
I don't need his validation anymore.
I'm gonna write a book.
- Hi.
- Hey.
I dropped the dress off at Goodwill this morning.
And they took it?
Well, I suppose it'll win someone the uh... tackiest Halloween costume contest prize.
Oh! 
You look gorgeous!
- This is definitely the one.
- You see?
It's a good thing I kept my beautiful wedding dress.
F.Y.I., it's not hard to get off.
Oh!
I think I still have the veil somewhere.
Let me go find it.
It doesn't even need that much tailoring.
I mean, it's perfect.
So, how'd the questionnaire go?
Oh. 
Well, it wasn't easy, but, luckily, Leo and I finally opened up to each other.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah, I wish your father and I had done something like that before we got married.
Things might've gone a little differently.
Mom, I know we all got past dad's one big lie, but do you think that there's any chance he was hiding other things?
Honey, I wonder about that all the time. 
I have no idea.
The only person who really knew your dad was George.
You know, maybe the real reason I held onto my dress all those years wasn't because I actually thought it was stunning.
I think...
It might've just been that I really liked the memory of the day and what it symbolized, more so than the actual parts of the marriage.
You know, they say that you tend to have the same kind of marriage as your parents, which, April, I...
I hope is not the case with you.
I mean, if there's anything I want you to have learned from us, it's that you should do things differently than we did.
Most importantly, just be honest with one another.
It's not gonna be hard. 
Leo's a good guy.
That he is.
In fact, he's so great, he's been practicing those dance moves you taught him.
Really?
-Think maybe you can help me figure out how to do that... 
-Yes.
In this dress, so I'm not completely outshined at my wedding?
- Okay.
- All right.
-All right, is there a way to hold it?
-Yeah, that's it.
- Cool.
- Okay.
- Another way?
- Oh! 
Ooh!

'What's wrong with people?
'
'On one side it is happiness and on the other is only smoke.'
'Why isn't anyone saying anything?
'
'They are enduring the smoke without saying anything.'
'We've tolerated enough.'
'Stop smoking cigarette and beedis.'
'Smoking in public places is prohibited.'
'If you don't follow the rules, you'll be punished.'
'Don't smoke or let others smoke.'
'Stop smoking.'
Hey, you missed it. 
Give me chikki.
Shut up. 
The bet isn't over yet.
Now, you have to hit.
I won't miss such big vehicle like you did.
I hit a cycle yesterday.
Did you forget about it?
Even I hit yesterday.
Shut up, you didn't. 
- Siddhu, don't do that.. it won't be good.
Siddhu, bygones are bygones.
We all lost today.
If you hit and win today.
We'll give you our chikki.
If not, betting cancel.
Okay, give it to me.
Let me try. 
Move aside.
Take this. 
I will see what you hit.
Hey, didn't I hit the target?
Hey, stop! 
Why are you all running away?
Give me my chikki.
Hey, I won't spare you.
Give me my chikki.
Hey you! 
Stop there. 
You are playing here early in the morning.
"If a man grows up, he starts doing wrong things."
"Be as children and keep doing mischief."
"Why do we need the age which won't give us happiness?"
"Smile as an innocent child.
That's enough."
"Naughtiness and childishness..
...you can never do this when you grow up."
"lf a man grows up, he starts doing wrong things."
"Be as children and keep doing mischief."
"The train is coming.
Come on, board it."
"Childhood is the only thing that you can never forget."
"There's no fun in grownups lives."
"They have lot of work to do day and night."
"People of the world are fighting amongst themselves for no reason."
"We don't care about anything.
Let's play."
"Naughtiness and childishness..
...you can never do this when you grow up."
"lf a man grows up, he starts doing wrong things."
"Be as children and keep doing mischief."
"Why do we need the age which won't give us happiness?"
"Smile as an innocent child.
That's enough."
"Naughtiness and childishness..
...you can never do this when you grow up."
"lf a man grows up, he starts doing wrong things."
"Be as children and keep doing mischief."
Oh! 
Oh, sir.. sir.. 
I am drowning.
Oh god.. sir, I am drowning.
Sir.. sir, sir.. sir..
Aunt Papamma, police caught Siddhu.
Don't cry.. don't cry. 
Have patience.
He studies nicely at school.. he got along with this idiot and got spoiled.
Hey, my son is getting spoilt by going with your son.
You say your son studies well, but he has taught them to bet.
Hey, will you go with him again?
- Mother, please"
Stay quiet.
- Mother, please don't hit me.
Papamma, it is not good to leave your son in the station.
Listen to me.
Gudi Pratap has contacts in the police station.
You plead to him and get your son released.
If you ask help from a wretched man, will he leave you?
What does she have to offer him in return for her son?
She will go to get her son released and may return pregnant. 
That's all.
Hey, shut up.
Darling, you are having food.
Oh Mr. Gudi.. did you remember me now?
You don't come here these days.
No, no.. 
I am planning to contest for corporate elections.
I saw.. 
I saw..
you've put banners everywhere.
Your slogan is "Friends of poor and ray of light for women".
We have to advertise.
So, I was very busy.
Darling, I'm coming..
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My wife..
I could know.. 
I must say, you've caught a golden goose.
Business.. it is business.
There's no difference between family and business.
Do this.. go straight, take a left, and sit there in the.. he will come.
Okay, brother.
- Greetings, brother.
Yes?
- I had to meet sir.
What is your name?
- Papamma.
Papamma..
Greetings, brother.
Greetings, brother. 
Greetings, brother.
- Greetings.
Please, be seated.
I will be back in five minutes.
Darling, you are reading something.
Why are you late?
Darling, I have a lot of work.
The old goon Srinivasiah has threatened all the businessmen.
If I have to get their votes, I will have to meet everyone.
I an": so tired.
So, I will go to bathroom and freshen up..
...then have to meet the people who are outside.
Politics is not for people like us.
Earlier it was so easy to..
- Listen, what is that!
What?
- Underwear.
What underwear?
You have worn ladies underwear.
Hey, this is not mine.
- I know it is not yours.
Whose? 
- Whose? 
Whose?
I would've worn yours in a hurry.
I don't have any underwear of this color and size.
Is it? 
I had bought one for you.
I forgot to give it to you.
You forgot and you wore it.
Instead of telling me that you are busy working..
...you could've told me that you are doing filthy jobs.
Hey, it is not like that.
I will call my father right away.
Oh, father.. no..
Sanju! 
Come here.
- Coming, brother.
Idiot, send them out! 
Send them out!
- Come on..
They saw me in this state!
What do I do now?
Hey! 
Hey! 
- Brother?
- Come here.
What is that? 
- Sir, it is picture of a bull. - ls it a bull?
Sir, picture of a bull. 
I drew it.
Is it a bull?
A bull? 
Does it look like a bull to you?
Does it look like a bull to you?
It is like a cross breed of cow and goat.
You look like a buffalo, so you drew a photo like that..
Brother! 
Brother!
Hey, who is it? 
Who?
Somebody is attacking me.
Come here everyone.
Somebody is attacking me.
Save me. 
Save me.
Hey, get UP-
Sir, sir, please save my son.
Please save my son.
Please save my son.
Who are you?
Brother, this lady is here since last evening.
Last night when you chased everyone, she stayed here and slept here.
She didn't go home.
What is your problem?
Sir, please save my son.
Where's your son?
What is it?
Does he work in your factory?
No, he works in my ward.
I have given up my old habits.
I do social service now.
Shut up.
If you give up your kidnapping and prostitution business..
...where will you get money for elections?
Sir, you..
- Shut up.
Just tell me why do you need that guy?
Sir, he is a slum dweller.
People give me extortion money fearing us, but won't vote me.
If I do social work..
- You'll get sympathy.
Sir, you are superior..
if you are kind..
I heard you bought a new car.
You take that for parties.
Forget it..
I will park in the place you tell me.
Hey, come out.
Teach this scoundrel a lesson.
Look, he has made my face like Lord Hanuman.
You idiot! 
- Sir, leave him.
- Sir, please leave me.
No sir, don't do that.
Sir, he is a kid.. a kid.
I will tell him, sir..
- Get out! 
- Hey, get out!
Hey, take him out from here.
- Okay, sir.
You don't take any..
- Just get out!
Siddha..
- Oh god..
I am your mother.
Mother, what have you applied on your face?
Don't talk anything now.
We'll go home and talk.
Where is he?
They have hit you so badly..
Why do you trouble me so much?
To hell with them..
may they rot in hell..
Sir, please don't hit him!
- You scoundrel!
You laugh at a policeman in my presence?
You laugh at a policeman?
Hey, I have seen many guys like you.
Sir, please don't hit him.
- Idiot has made..
Greetings brother Gudi.. take tea.
I didn't get anything and he wants me to send a girl to him.
Hey, come here.
Send your son to the factory from tomorrow.
Brother, he studies well..
Teacher said that he is a topper in the school.
YOu!
Am I doing free service here?
You want me to get your son released from jail and make him an officer?
I have incurred loss because of your son.
He has to repay me for the loss.
Color..
Hey, your mother does make-up.
Okay.. 
let your son go to school and become a big man.
You come to the factory and repay the loss.
Mother, don't cry..
Mother, I am sorry.
I will never do like this again.
Mother.. if you cry, even I will cry.
Please, stop crying.
Mother, don't take this. 
Take this.
Why?
Wait.
- Hey!
You are a fool..
- Sorry, sir.
Look at him.. 
look at him.
He lives in Siddharam's shanty, right?
When he can study well, why can't you?
Look at him and write.
Hey, go.. go..
- No, sir.
Hold your ears and stand there.
- No, sir.
Oh no!
What are you doing?
Sir will scold me.
If you study well, he will make you write on the board.
If not, they'll make you hold girl's ears.
Will you hold the ears or write on the board?
Siddhu! 
Siddhu!
- What is it?
Tomorrow we are going to see shooting by bunking the school.
Will you come? 
- No.. if my mother learns about it, she'll thrash me.
Hey..
- It is Puneet Rajkumar's shoot.
Hey, where is he?
- Wait, he will come.
Greetings, everyone. 
Greetings!
People who are sitting, standing, elders, children..
...and ladies, I greet everyone.
Shane Gowda from our village has come with a game..
...that you wouldn't have seen, heard, or played in your life.
A big round of applauds for Mr. Gowda!
Hey, move the umbrella.
Mr. Gowda had decided to get his son married to his sister's daughter.
Mr. Gowda's son is here and will be here.
Radha is there..
everyone applaud for her!
I will tell you the strange rules of this game.
Everyone listen to it properly.
He is Dundu Seena..
hey, come here. 
Come, come.
Come on, climb up. 
Come on. 
Climb.
Come on, climb. 
Climb, climb..
oh, he is climbing in good speed.
Looks like, he will climb on a coconut tree and break coconuts.
Kid, you stand there. 
Yes, good.
Good.. turn that. 
Turn that..
Turn that nicely, everyone here should see that.
Look, there's a ball in the bag that Dundu Seena is turning.
That ball is not an ordinary one.
It is a special ball.
We've tied small bells to the ball.
You may wonder why they've tied small bells to the ball.
Have patience.
Because when Dundu Seena rotates the ball and throws it in the sky..
...our players should go and catch it.
But one condition.
We will tie blindfolds to the participants.
For sound, the small bells tied to the ball..
...they will listen to the sound of the bells..
...hold the ball and come back to the position.
This is the condition of the game.
The main attraction of this game is Mr. Gowda's son Shiva Ram Gowda.
Look here, dear. 
Clap for him.
On the other side is the warrior of our village..
...the challenger, our soldier Ramu.
It's him.
Look..
You don't need a mirror for the sword which is visible.
My son will surely win the game.
Ramu is the only soldier in village..
...people will think he broke his leg while playing the game for you.
Uncle, if you dare to stare at the sun, you will become blind.
Those who have decided to get ruined, it is futile to advise them.
If Ramu is ready, I'm ready to elope with him any time.
Whereas my Ramu is a soldier. 
He will rather fight and win the battle..
...but to elope with me is not his style.
But animals don't have common sense.
Am I an animal?
No, I said Ramu has common sense.
Are you standing on the line?
Go inside. 
He is trying to cheat.
Wait. 
Have you tied the blindfold properly? 
Okay.
Ramu, my b0)!
-
Stand on the line all of you.
Ready! 
On your mark!
Get set!
Go!
Ramu! 
Ramu!
- Run!
Ramu!
- Come on. 
Come on.
Yes!
- Look, he got it.
Superb!
Ramu!
Yeah!
- Oh no!
Catch him!
Hey, look there!
Catch him!
Yes!
Yes!
- Don't spare him!
Come on, Ramu!
- Ramu! 
Run! 
Run!
Okay! 
Superb!
Fantastic! 
Make the children run!
Sir? 
- Make the children run!
- Okay, sir!
Kids, listen, you must go there and hug Ramu. 
You must dance. 
Okay?
Run! 
Fast!
Glory to Ramu!
Glory to Ramu!
Glory to Ramu!
Glory to Ramu!
Pun" sir, H" any kid!
Sorry?
Pun" sir, H" any kid!
Trust love!
Not war!
"Not Taliban."
"Not Bin Laden at all."
"He struck a building and I struck a heart."
"Let there not be any misunderstanding."
Did you like it, sir?
- You dance so well.
Do you just dance or do you know more...? 
- No, sir.
Even I can do what you did.
No, sir, we need 25 persons.
I did tell the manager, but he is not..
Did you like it, sir?
It's okay, relax.
- I won't spare you.
You will not do anything to him, okay?
Okay, sir.
- It's okay, go.
You do this every day?
- No, sir, mother will beat me.
Not just beat you, she must tie you up.
Study well first.
- I will study, sir.
I always top the class.
I'm your fan, sir.
I cut your pictures and stick them in the note book, sir.
What's this?
You have also stuck Mr. Kuvempoo's and Mr. Bendre's pictures too?
I like them too.
My teacher tells us about them.
Do you know people who won Jnanpith award?
Yes, sir. 
First was Mr. Kuvempoo for Ramayana Dharshanam in 1967..
...then Mr. Da. 
Ra. 
Bendre for Naku Tanti in 1973..
...then Mr. Mr. Shivram Karanth for Mookajjiya Kanasugalu in 1974..
...then Mr. Masti for Chikkaveera Rajendra in 1983..
...V.K. Gokak for Bharatha Sindhu Rashmi in 1990..
...U.R. Ananthamurthy for Samagra Sahitya in 1994..
...Girish Karnad for Samagra Sahitya in 1998..
...and Chandrashekhar Kambar for Samagra Sahitya in 2012.
Appu.
- Yes.
Did you have food?
- I'm coming.
Okay, Mr. Babu, give him dates for next month.
Did you have food?
- No, sir.
Go and have.
- Okay, sir.
You are unbelievable.
- Thanks.
Mr. Sadhu.
- Please come.
Punit sir, you lifted a kid, let's shoot that again. 
The light is a little dull.
No problem.
- Kid, come here.
Sir, he is the one.
But it was the other kid in the morning, right?
Yes, sir. 
He has gone somewhere.
We looked but couldn't find him.
Did you drive him away?
- Sir..
Did you drive him away because he hit you with a stone in the morning?
I swear by my mother, I didn't do that.
Why? 
What happened, sir?
There was another kid in the morning.
- I see.
It's all right. 
As it is we are shooting fresh, he has not been registered yet.
Okay, no problem. 
Come.
- Come, kid. 
- Please, come.
Camera! 
Action!
Did you give the solution?
- Yes, boss.
I made them starve for three days and gave them the solution.
Hey, come here.
Mother.
She is fine.
Send her to Coxtown Jyoti.
- Okay, boss.
I want see my mother.
Mother!
You want to meet your mother?
You want to meet your mother?
I wonder why they are so stubborn.
Boss, call for you.
- Who is it?
Your wife.
Tell me, darling.
No, I'm at the factory.
I'm missing you very much.
We did call the police.
Do you know the girl?
- No, we don't know who she is.
We had never seen her in this village.
Three dead bodies were found in Tavara Kere in this week, right?
Yes, madam. 
You are right.
We fear to send our daughters outside the house.
We can't believe anyone now.
We are very scared.
Please, come.
He is Mr. Raghavendra.
Hello, sir.
- Hello.
Congratulation, sir.
- Thank you.
Your film is doing very well.
- It is God's grace.
Sir, why do you look so serious.
- Nothing as such.
I was watching news about a girl who was assaulted and killed.
Please, sit down. 
Kumar, please sit.
After Delhi..
...it is Bangalore which has highest crime against women and children.
It is really scary.
Yes, sir, it is really scary.
Unable to work late hours, women are quitting their jobs.
Sad.
Anyway, Kotiadipati TRPs are very high, sir.
It has become no. 1 in South India.
Great. 
As long as everyone makes good profit.
Sir, since we have planned to make a special show for the children..
...we wanted to know your opinion, sir.
I was just thinking..
...why don't we go ahead and give a chance for poor and helpless children?
Now, I hope you are getting my point.
There are many underprivileged children.
They never get any kind of opportunities in life.
You said we have made double profit in the show"
"so why don't we make our program philanthropic one?
I mean, if one kid wins 1 lake rupees..
...we can donate the same amount of money to any NGO or any organisation.
It is just a suggestion.
That's fine but children must come from proper routing. 
- Of course.
We won't compromise with the quality.
My father always said..
...'It is futile to offer food to the one who is already had food.'
But if we offer food to the one who is starving, it makes sense.'
Fine, sir.
- Yes, sir, please.
Yeah.
- Okay, sir. 
We will meet.
Greetings, sir.
- How are you?
I'm fine.
Hello. 
Hi.
They are the members of the fan club.
Greetings.
- Greetings, sir.
We have planned to celebrate your birthday in grand pomp.
No. 
The food went for waste on my last birthday.
Don't waste money just to gain publicity.
Organise function in an orphanage.
In that case, shall I organise function in remand home?
Remand home?
Yes, sir. 
Jail where juveniles are kept.
Remand home?
Interesting. 
Okay, go ahead.
Okay, sir.
The law may pity you thinking all of you are minors"
...and can't be treated as criminals.
But here, it is my law.
I don't care about what you were doing after coming here..
...or what will you do after being released.
Until you are here, you can't even urinate without my permission.
So, tell me, the whitener in my office is missing"
...if you don't tell me who stole it..
Not me, it was Siddu who stole it.
Oh God! 
Sir! 
Oh God!
Please, leave me, sir.
You stole whitener to go high?
Are you Michael Jackson?
No, sir! 
Raju, Asian": and Saravanan asked me to bring it.
The rest of you, leave.
The three of you, kneel down.
And you, why didn't you inform me?
Run 50 rounds. 
Run. 
Run.
Greeting, sir.
- Greetings.
He is the one who escaped from the remand home, sir.
He is a dreaded criminal, sir.
Get down.
Hello, sir. 
How are you?
The fly is broken.
Please, don't get angry.
Take the papers.
I will leave, sir.
Constable!
- Sir?
Did you lose your watch?
- Watch? 
No, sir.
Rings?
- No, sir.
Purse?
My purse is missing, sir.
Out with the purse.
I will give it back, sir.
Umesh.
- Yes, sir?
Keep him handcuffed all the time.
- Okay, sir.
Accompany him even to the bathroom.
- Okay, sir.
Go and bring him.
I will go, sir. 
I will go.
Father, forgive them.
They don't know what they are doing.
"I'm a hero."
Won't you wash your hand?
Didn't your father teach you?
My father didn't teach me how to urinate on the hand..
...why would he teach me to wash hands, sir?
You dirty fellows. 
Come. 
Come.
Umesh.
- Sir?
Where did you take him?
Sir.. 
- Sir, he was feeling bored to smoke local cigarette alone..
...so he took me along so that he can put the blame on me if he is caught.
This is how they treat poor children, sir.
That's why I told you. 
Tie him up.
- Okay, sir.
Hey, sit down.
Scoundrel.
What?
Did the warden and his assistant leave?
- Yes.
What is it?
If we spare him, he will ruin us.
Don't spare him. 
He exposed us. 
Get him.
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
Mother! 
- Hit him!
- Raju, don't spare him!
How dare you expose us.
- Hey, wait! 
Don't do that.
Raju, don't hit him!
- You scoundrel.
You hit an innocent boy.
Aren't you ashamed?
You shut up.
I will beat you. 
Just shut up.
If anyone dares to expose us, I will kill him. 
You understand?
Raju.
- What?
He is not moving. ls he dead?
Get up. 
Stop kidding.
Get up. 
Stop kidding. 
Hey, get up.
Siddhu.
Bite him.
Bite him. 
You beat a little boy!
Do I look like chicken to you?
Bite him!
- Don't spare him.
Don't spare him.
He shouldn't beat anyone.
Raju! 
Get up.
Get up!
- Hold his leg.
Pierce it. 
He shouldn't be able to walk in his life.
Pierce, come on, do it! 
Pierce it.
What's going on?
Look, what they have done to us.
You scoundrels. 
Get up, you scoundrels!
They came like rowdies to fight with a little boy.
He did a good thing by teaching them a lesson.
Die all of you! 
Idiots!
Umesh, take them to the hospital immediately.
And throw this fellow into the dark room.
Oh God.
You will never reform.
They are great fans.
But they are very dangerous, sir.
He, it was he who attacked with a small knife.
He hit his teacher, sir.
Weird cases, sir.
The incident that took place in Laggere, sir..
No, sir. 
Puneet Rajkumar is here to celebrate his birthday.
Catch him.
Yes, sir?
Sir, Bandari sir granted permission.
Yes, sir.
- Stand in queue line.
No, sir, ifl arrange a meeting outside"
...these rascals, I won't be able to control them.
Sir, they will run away.
- Go slowly.
Sorry, sir?
It is very difficult to handle them, sir.
Come one by one.
Stand in the queue line.
Go there. 
Stand in the queue line.
- Sir, leave me.
Stand prOPEFW-
One by one. 
Come on.
Go. 
Come.
And when I requested for a new building..
...they gave this one which is 75 years old. 
I wonder when it will collapse.
I can only spend Rs. 50 on one boy.
Only Rs. 50
Their argument is..
...when people who are below poverty line make their living with just Rs. 35..
...why can't you look after them with Rs. 50?
'
I see. 
Sir, I would like to contribute something.
No, sir, you can't.
I can't take money from you.
Because it will be like a bribe.
If you donate money, the government will not give us even a single penny.
These people cannot be helped.
Anyway, come.
Please, come, sir.
Sir, had I not given him the blade..
Umesh.
- Yes, sir.
Send him out.
- Okay, sir.
Hi. 
Puneet Rajkumar.
- Hi.
Go.
- Okay.
Please, come, sir.
Why have you shackled him?
He escaped from the remand home thrice.
Moreover, he has a very violence stream.
Dangerous.
Dangerous?
My wife is a big of yours.
Sir, key.
- Give it to the children.
Okay, sir.
My wife never misses your show.
By the time I could get back home, the show is over. 
I'm unable to watch.
Thank you.. to your wife.
Sir, after the kids are released, what do they become?
As per the statistics, they get involved in crimes..
...become drug addicts.
...you see, 9 out of 10 die before they reach 35.
Are you serious?
- Yes.
Then why don't you do something about it?
Like what?
Hey, take it.
If you were good..
...Puneet Rajkumar would've offered sweets to you in person.
You are not aware, sir.
Every boy here is a great criminal.
Hearing the story of some, you'd wonder how they could be so cruel.
But, sir, how would they understand?
I mean everyone make mistakes during childhood.
Mistakes are different from crimes.
They are just under 18.
Ajmal Kasab was under 18.
How can you compare?
- Why not?
Give a gun in their hand then you will understand.
But, sir, why give them gun?
Give them pen and they will write a new history.
Puneet sir is here?
- Yes.
Sir, I want to meet him for once.
Please, sir.
Just shut up. 
Idiot. 
Stay here.
See that is the thing.
What happens is, rich people have a guilt towards poor people.
'We are leading a better life than them.'
You know all those things.
I mean whenever we see poor children in crime news"
...you wonder 'this happened since they weren't given a chance'.
But sir, there's no need to think about it.
Sir, I was also born in the same gutter.
Even I was brought up in poverty.
Even I have seen worse days in my life.
Why didn't I become a criminal?
How did I study and become IPS?
It's in their nature, sir.
It's in their blood.
Sir, such kids used to thrash me and loot my money.
Then I wasn't so strong.
Only then I decided that I would get them on the right path.
I've been studying them and their thoughts since then.
Violence keeps them active.
They are virus of the society.
If you don't contain them..
...there'll be a plague everywhere.
I know.. you are here as a social service provider..
...and do good to the society.
But it is better if you don't involve yourself in such things.
I an": sorry, sir..
you've gone through so much in life..
But what I feel is, everyone should get a chance to live a good life.
Including, the guys in your remand room.
Sir, god gave us children not to thrash them and reform them.
It is because they learn something good from us if we taught them with love.
Don't feel offended to what I say, but you've tied a guy like a dog.
What justification would you give for that? 
- Oh please..
No warden, what you are doing is..
Sir, where is your watch?
- Sorry?
Watch'!
?
Where is it?
Sir! 
Sir, let me meet him once, please sir.
Hey!
Come, sir.. come in..
- Why, sir?
Come, come.. 
I will tell you.
Return his watch to him.
- Which watch, sir?
Give it to him.
How many times have you hit him?
Say about hundred times.
But he has not stopped stealing.
If your way was right, then by now this guy would've reformed.
Anyway, I told you what I felt.
Where?
MY gosh!
Ella! 
Faye! 
Are you guys okay?
What's happening here?
You're acting like you know nothing about this!
You're with them!
What are you talking about?
I just heard screams that's why I'm here.
Now, you're acting innocent!
Like how you're fooling Ella!
That you like her?
!
You just wanted Megan in gel jealous!
I heard you and Steve!
Jacob?
Oh, My God.
- Ella, they're deceiving you!
- Why are you such a show-off!
You have no idea what's happening!
This is your fault!
Stop it!
Let me go!
Damn you!
Hey! 
Hey! 
Hey! 
Stop that!
You're harassing Ella!
Stop it!
Enough!
H's him!
What's this?
!
You're acting like kids!
You started it!
It was you who pulled my hair first!
This isn't going to happen if it wasn't for your lame games!
You're such a meddler!
You just want to show-of! 
to Ella!
You don't need to explain, Jacob.
Why are you all so touchy?
!
-It was just a prank!
- She's right!
It was just a joke.
- What if you're in our place!
- Hey!
- That's fine with me!
- You guys don't have sense of humor!
Yeah, you guys are so boring!
- What are you trying to prove here?
!
- What?
!
You're getting into my nerves!
- You guys are jerks!
- Adrian, stop it!
That's enough!
All of you, shut up!
Look, it's been along night for everyone.
It's best for all of you in go back to your own rooms.
This is enough.
As far as I am concerned, you are all included in this mess.
That's why from now on until you get home to Manila, no one from you guys will participate to any retreat activities.
And you will all be punished accordingly.
What kind of punishment do you mean?
Why don't you help them?
This is exhausting!
No one will go inside until you finish what I told you to do!
I'm tired of this! 
I'm done!
Yuck.
On, My...
Ella...
I'm really really sorry.
Are you okay?
So... you did that just to get me jealous.
Jacob, wait!
The truth is
I also like you.
I made a mistake, Megan.
I was wrong [or using Ella.
She showed me nothing but kindness.
But the worst thing I did is to like you.
I don't even know what I see in you.
Okay.'!
-
Yuck! 
What kind of food is this?
!
- Megan, where are you going?
- Megan!
Where are you going, Ms. Fabregas?
You still have chores to do, right?
After your classmates are done eating, you still have to clean it up.
Have a seat. 
Finish your food.
You need energy to do your chores.
- Okay, ma'am.
- Relax.
I will not going to do those chores!
MY gosh!
I don't even do this at home!
Come.
This is irritating!
I can't understand them!
- Dad even donated 1.5 million...
- You know what?
They are getting in my nerves!
Try to stop me.
All those trash are assigned to them!
Let them.
Don't mind it. 
I can throw them away.
No, you won't!
Stop acting like you're Cinderella.
Let them do it!
I'll do it.
Just to stop this mess.
She thought she could afford it!
She didn't buy it. 
She bought a fake one!
Megan
I thought we're done with this.
Will you stop this. 
I want out of trouble.
Ms. Santos
- Ella 
- Ms. Santos
Ella
Are you okay?
Drink some water first
I really don't gel it, Ms. Fabregas.
Why do you have to do this again?
!
What?
!
We didn't do anything, ma'am.
We just suddenly heard Ella screamed.
Then after we went out, we saw her like that.
Lying down there unconscious.
Ma'am, Megan's telling the truth.
- I just got dizzy that's why -- 
- Ms. Santos, are you hiding something?
Or maybe Ms. Fabregas and her friends are just bullying you.
No, ma'am.
I'm disappointed with all of you, guys.
To tell you the truth, I could have you all expelled.
Is that what you want?
Father Anthony just asked me a favor.
He made a promise to me that he would set all of you straight.
And to be able to do that, all of you you will stay [or one more day here at the retreat house.
To think over and repent all these nonsense games you're doing.
Now what?
You want more of it?
There's still more days.
The school admin will take care informing your parents.
Go on! 
Let's play more games!
That's so unfair!
Oh come on, Ella!
Why don't you tell the truth?
This is irritating.
I really want to go home soon!
Ella, are you okay now?
Ella
Faye and I have been looking for you.
Let's go have some breakfast first.
Ella, come on.
Don't mind them.
They're just insecure.
We won't let you get bullied by them.
I'm tired, Adrian.
I'm tired being called a weirdo, crazy,
But they're right.
How can someone like me be normal?
Like what'!
Ella
You can trust me.
I'm here to listen.
I don't know if you'd believe me but
but I have a third eye.
Ever since I was a kid, I can already see ghosts.
You mean we can't play anymore?
We'll never going to see each again?
- Ella 
- My child
Mommy
Who are you talking to?
It's grandma.
Ella, your grandma's not here.
She's asking me in do something.
Because she said she's leaving.
Leaving? 
Where did she say she's going to?
She's gone, mommy. 
Grandma's dead.
Ella, that's not a funny joke.
Your grandma's still alive.
She's in Mindoro, right?
Hello?
Minda, you called.
What?
!
What happened?
!
We'll be getting ready.
We'll go there right away.
Ella, please help me.
I'd like to speak to your Uncle Ben's spirit.
I have a lot to ask him. 
Please.
Just [or today.
Are you willing to do this, Ella?
I couldn't say no in my aunt's request.
But unfortunately, it's not only Uncle Ben's spirit I was able to get attention from.
Other evil spirits came in as well!
- Ella!
- Ella
Ella
- Ella!
- Ella
Ella
- Ella, my child!
- Ella!
Ella!
Ella!
- Ella!
- Ella!
Ella?
Ella!
Ella!
Ella!
Ella!
Ella
Ella
- Ella!
- Ella!
That's enough, Ella!
A priest was able to get the evil spirit out of me.
When I got back to normal, that's when I found out daddy's dead.
Until now,
I still blame myself for what happened.
Since then, I gave up that gift completely.
But it's not that easy.
Take care.
The news said there's a storm coming.
- We'll go ahead.
- Okay.
- Take care. 
It's slippery.
- Yes, okay.
Okay, thank you. 
We'll go ahead.
- Text me!
- Okay.
You know, you're all lucky you're still students.
When you fail a subject or you did something wrong, you still get another chance.
But out there in the real world, sometimes, all it takes to ruin your life is just one mistake.
Now, this is your chance in owe it to your mistakes.
I will call you one by one to speak.
To say anything what's within you.
Father...
Jacob...
Go ahead.
What is it'! 
What is he going to do?
I'd just like lo say sorry lo Ella.
I'm really really sorry.
I admit, it all started as a game.
But then later on, I saw the real you, Ella.
I should've been more honest with you.
Because you deserve better.
And I want to be a better person.
Because I want to deserve you.
If you could only give me a chance
Please
I don't believe what he's saying.
No electricity and lots of mosquitoes! 
Perfect!
You know what? 
Because I'm just so bored,
I'm willing in do the next crazy idea that Jack can come up with.
Anything?
Game!
What if we go ghost hunting when Ms. Gonzales and Father Anthony's already sleeping.
We like that! 
We're in!
- Good idea, baby.
- Babe, come with us, okay?
- Babe, that's a promise, okay?
- Of course!
Let's join them.
- Sure!
- How about you? 
Want to join?
You guys go ahead.
I'd like to rest early tonight.
What do we need? 
A flashlight?
You guys, might run.
- Come on. 
Are we scared?
- Why don't we go now?
You know what? 
It's not a funny joke or a good thing to hunt ghosts.
Something bad might happen to you.
Guys, do you hear anything?
Let them be.
Let's go.
- Where do we go?
- So what's the plan?
Aren't there any ghost yet'!
Still none.
There might be no ghosts in here.
Or maybe they're busy.
Wait a minute. 
According to urban legend, the black lady always go in the confessional in confess.
What if we try recording her confession?
- 80 how do we do it?
- You could lend me your phone.
That has a voice recorder and a battery pack, right?
And then what?
Then, we're going to put it at the confessional in record the voice.
When I died,
I buried the truth with me on the grave.
Have pity, please!
I didn't do anything!
Have pity!
- Kill him!
- You can sleep in hell!
I didn't do anything!
He") me!
Father!
Father!
Father
The flood outside is getting higher.
You better stay in the mansion.
It's in a higher ground.
But if the rain doesn't slop, water will also get inside.
Girls, go upstairs.
Let's go.
Megan, you over react.
We're at the second floor.
The flood hasn't reached yet.
So put your feet down, we're trying to eat here.
And them as well.
What if a flash flood suddenly happens?
Are we safe here?
!
- Where do we suppose to go?
- Nowhere!
We're all going to drown here!
Stop frightening me!
Megan, have you retrieved the phone we left at the confessional last night?
No. 
Not yet.
I've been there.
Your cellphone's not there.
Who's going to lake it?
The black may;
And why?
Why do you have to leave a cellphone at the confessional?
- Nothing, ma'am.
- What are you talking about?
!
You guys want to hear the black lady's voice, right'!
And why do you need to hear that?
!
Why do you have to disturb the spirits?
There's a reason the world of the spirits and ours doesn't cross paths.
Do not wish to see them.
You will regret it!
Mang Anding, have you seen the box of candles?
Yes, Father.
Please add more candles in kids' rooms.
Okay, Father.
What about this, Father?
Where will I put this?
You can put it here, Jacob.
Here.
Where's Jack, Allison and Steve?
Father
Please let me look [or Jack.
Okay. 
Just hurry.
- Okay, Father.
- Take care.
- Wait a minute.
- What?
You told me you're going to break up with her.
Yes.
When do you plan to do it?
I'll lake care of it.
Oh, come on.
- So you're leaving me!
- No! 
No! 
Stop it!
It's ticklish!
- Mang Anding, could you check the windows?
- Yes, Father?
- I can't seem to close it.
- Okay, Father. 
I'll check it.
- What happened?
-It's leaking, Father.
From up there?
Move it here.
Here's one.
- Father!
- Father!
- Let's help him! 
Come on!
- Help me here!
- Help!
"Okay, go!
Father!
- Father!
- Oh, my gosh!
Father!
Father!
Damn you both!
- Why does it have to be the two of you!
- Jessie!
Hey! 
That's enough!
I trusted you as a friend!
You scumbags!
You deserve each other!
How is it, Father'! 
Is this okay!
Let's carry him to the sofa.
No! 
No!
I can't do it!
Here, Father.
Here's water.
They're too easily deceived.
If we really got to record a ghost, I'll upload this on YouTube.
This will make me famous.
When I died,
I buried the truth -
That sounds like Steve!
Go ahead! 
Check out what happened!
Jessie, please! 
I'm sorry!
Jessie!
Jessie!
- Jessie!
- Oh, My God!
- Steve!
- Steve!
Steve!
- Steve!
- Steve!
Steve!
Steve!
Steve!
Steve
We have in find a way to gel help.
But Father, this rain has to stop before we find help.
That's enough.
The only thing we can do now for Steve is to pray for him.
Stay here, girls.
Boys, carry him.
But who would do this to Sieve?
What if... 
What if a thief got inside?
Really? 
And he just look Steve's tongue?
That's all?
I don't know!
I'm just trying to make sense of what's happening!
Can't we really find a way to get out of here?
!
Even if the rain stops, the street is still flooded!
We have nowhere else to go!
We can't get out of here!
This isn't done by a normal human being.
Call the police.
We have in inform Steve's parents about what happened.
Father, what are we going in do?
I'm sure all the cellphones I confiscated have run out of battery.
And those who have cellphones like us, weren't able to charge it.
I don't want to slay here anymore!
I want out!
Megan
Ma'am! 
Ma'am, here! 
This one still has battery!
I'll try to call. 
You guys can stay here first.
I'll find a signal.
Ma'am, we'll go with you.
Ma'am, can I use it? 
I'll send a text to my mom, she might get worried.
Ella
You have third eye, right?
Why do you ask?
Why don't you use it to find out what mysteries are happening here
Instead of holding it back, why don't you use it so we can find out what the spirits want from us.
When I died,
I buried the truth with me on the grave.
- Ma'am! 
Ma'am!
- Ma'am, what's happening!
- Ma'am!
- Ma'am! 
Ma'am!
What's happening?
!
- Are you okay?
!
- What did you hear?
!
I have one more of this!
Get it! 
It's in my bag!
Ma'am! 
Ma'am, are you okay?
!
Ma'am!
Where's Ms. Gonzales' bag?
!
Where's Ms. Gonzales' bag?
!
Jacob?
When I died, I buried the truth with me on the grave.
What is it, Jacob?
What happened to Ms. Gonzales?
!
She had an asthma attack, Father!
Ma'am!
Ma'am!
Ma'am! 
Ma'am! 
Ma'am!
Ma'am
Ma'am
Faye, Faye!
Ma'am!
Faye!
Faye!
What happened?
!
Faye!
Ma'am! 
Ma'am!
Faye!
What happened?
!
Faye!
I don't want to slay here any longer.
Please get me out of this place.
I don't want to die!
Jacob, what really happened?
Ms. Gonzales was listening on the cellphone and then she pointed a finger somewhere but I didn't see anything.
We have to know what Ms. Gonzales heard on the cellphone.
Maybe we could find out why this is happening!
When I died, I buried the truth with me on the grave.
Jaime didn't rape me.
That was the lie my sister Amara told everyone.
When our parents died,
Amara sewed as my father and my mother alone.
Although our parents left us a huge amount of fortune,
Amara wanted me to many a rich landlord to further gain more power and influence.
Are you shy?
But what I didn't know was
Amara has a hidden desire towards him.
She betrayed her own rules on falling in love with a man from a lower class family.
That's why it was painful for her that she was rejected by Jaime.
Sister?
What are you doing here?
She's the one I love, Amara.
No! 
I won't approve this.
So it's okay if it was you?
And yet, I can't love your sister?
And who told you I love you.
I like you as my toy, someone I could kill my time off but not as a member of my family.
Who are you anyway?
A lowly gardener! 
A vagrant!
We love each other and you can't slop us.
I won't let this man ruin my plans for you!
Forget about him, Veronica.
He's not the man you should marry!
I'm pregnant.
And Jaime is the father of this child.
You animal!
Animal!
- That's enough!
- Get away from him, Veronica!
- Have pity!
- Get away from us!
- Let's go, Veronica!
Jaime!
We live the old ways and old beliefs.
Because of Amara's influence, she made people believe that I was under Jaime's love spell.
It was the talk of the town.
Until I, myself, doubted what I really felt towards Jaime.
Jaime raped -- 
- Amara didn't slop speaking ill of Jaime.
- This man should get in jail!
Or find him! 
I don't see him anymore here.
She made them believe that Jaime raped me.
I was so scared.
I couldn't get myself fight Amara.
What most people didn't know was
Amara was a witch.
It was long ago when she gave up her soul in exchange for black magic.
Jaime was forced to hide in a far away place.
But Amara was able to track him.
Please, I didn't do anything!
Amara put the people under her spell in order to kill Jaime.
Please! 
Stop!
I didn't do anything!
Stop please!
When Jaime died,
I couldn't keep myself at peace.
I [ell so sorry that I wasn't able to fight for him.
I couldn't think of any other way to end my suffering.
Until now, I don't stop going to the confessional to ask forgiveness of what I did.
If Veronica was a victim and Jaime wasn't a bad person,
then who's responsible for these killings.
All those who heard the voice note gets killed and their tongue taken off.
She doesn't want anyone to know the truth.
And she doesn't want it in spread.
So you mean, Doña Amara is the killer?
We... heard Veronica's confession.
That means we will all die!
Do you smell that?
It smells like smoke!
Hurry! 
Come here!
Go! 
Break it!
- Hurry, Father! 
Wait, slowly!
- Hurry!
- Let's hurry!
- I can't do it!
I can't take it anymore!
Leave me!
I'm slowing you down!
I'm with God!
He won't let me get hurl!
- Father, let's go!
- Go now!
Leave me here!
- Huny!
- Let's go!
Let's go!
Open this!
Jacob, let's go!
He") us!
Keep us away from danger.
Lord save us!
Our Father who art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven
Forgive those who trespass
This is gross! 
Imagine the germs!
Do we really have to cross here?
!
Do we have a choice?
It's better to stay here than inside that mansion.
Isn't there a way at the back?
The ground is higher there.
I'm sure it's not flooded.
Are you crazy?
!
It's where Amaya's buried!
Let's go!
- Megan!
- Megan, wail! 
Wait for us!
Guys, hurry! 
You're so slow!
Hey! 
Wait [or us!
Guys!
Jack!
Allison!
Jessie!
Jack!
Ella, don't worry, Adrian and I are here.
We won't let you get hurt, Ella.
You shouldn't blame yourself of what happened.
There's a reason it happened.
That gift of sight or your ability to talk to the spirits, is a grace from God.
That's not a curse.
God gave it to you that's why you should not tum your back on it.
Ella
Ella
We've been longing to talk to you.
But you always try to escape.
I've been warning you about Amara.
But you tend to get frighten of me.
Will you help me?
How can I save my friends?
We've been wanting to escape Amara's evil ways.
But to be able to do that, you must take her body from her grave.
You must destroy it or put on fire.
That's the only way to put an end to Amara.
Do this before she transforms into human again.
I know what to do.
Where?
Slowly.
Here! 
Here's Amara's grave.
Ii is!
Come on.
One, two...
Look. 
That's the necklace Amara's wearing on the painting.
What are we suppose to do?
We have in destroy her corpse.
Run! 
Go!
Hurry! 
Come on!
Jacob! 
Jacob!
- Jaoob! 
Jacob! 
Let's go!
Jacob!
- Jaoob! 
Come on!
- Go ahead!
- Jaoob!
- Hurry!
- Let's go Jacob! 
Come on!
- I can't!
Come on, Jacob!
Hurry!
Jacob! 
Jacob!
- Ella, let's go! 
Ella!
- Jaoob!
- Ella!
- Don't let go, Adrian!
Adrian!
Don't let go!
Don't let go, Adrian!
Adrian!
Adrian!
You must destroy it or put on fire.
You think you can scare me with that?
Sis!
- Sis 
- My child do you remember your siblings?
This is Troy and this is Mimi.
Sis
- Take this inside.
- Okay.
Let's go.
It's all fine now.
Don't force yourself.
The doctor said your memories will come back.
I can't even imagine what happened to you and your classmates.
But I thank God you're safe.
I love you so much, my child.
Troy'!
Mimi
Mommy!
Your memories came back?
Yes, mommy!
And now, you remember me as well?
!
You thought you can hide from me!
Please help me!
Please help me!
Your friends are waiting for you!

If Saviour fails, we're dead! 
We're all dead!
Including your sister. 
So if you love her and want to take her alive tell me where she is.
I love you. 
I'm sorry!
Daddy!
Seven years!
All it would have taken was one message just to put me out of my misery.
No. 
I couldn't risk Ariel finding us.
Celine, I've been a priest for 20 years.
I've never broken my vows, and I don't think you should, either.
- I love you.
- This is bigger than us.
Frankie!
She's gone!
Your brother.
See that? 
That's what's gonna kill everyone.
Any second now.
Yep, it's Judgement Day.
The actual Apocalypse.
And where am I?
In Slough. 
Or, rather, under Slough.
One minute, now. 
One minute.
These pictures coming live to us from Hubble.
We could be trapped here for months.
Years, even.
What do we do when we run out of conversation?
I'm hopeless at small talk.
It's time to brace ourselves to say goodbye.
The world waits with bated breath.
In a few short hours, we'll know whether Operation Saviour has succeeded and whether Mankind has a future.
I'm here outside Mission Control.
The media aren't allowed in.
But we understand the Saviour team have been working through the night to make sure that everything goes to plan.
The hopes of the entire human race rest on the shoulders of these men and women.
One can only imagine what's going through their minds right now.
These pictures are coming live from the Saviour craft, sir.
Well, not exactly live.
There's a time delay because of the distances involved.
Of course.
Could... could you explain to me the exact sequence of events?
Scotty?
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Um...
- OK, well, if we use this muffin as the comet.
- Right.
- And this banana as the craft.
- Gotcha.
Now, once our craft is in the comet's orbit  the craft... will split in two.
And this bit, the leader, slams into the comet in order to make a crater.
And the follower, which has the nukes in it, hits the crater a few seconds later and then...
- It's kind of like a boxing combo, sir.
- One, two punch, right?
We only need to knock the comet off its current course by a couple of degrees for it to miss Earth.
When we first met, you said the chances of this working were one in three.
- Yes.
- Do you still think that?
Well, we've done better than I hoped.
And right now I'd say...
I'd say we're 50/50.
Good work, soldier.
Thank you, Mr President.
_
One moment!
Just stay right here. 
Go.
Yes?
I thought I heard... voices.
That's often the first sign of madness.
To what do I owe this pleasant visit?
The cardinals request your presence at an urgent meeting to discuss the implications of Operation Saviour.
They would like a full status report on all your would-be Messiahs.
Alright.
Where were we?
What?
- I don't want to have to hide in closets.
- I know.
We both agreed that our work is too important to walk away from it.
We have to finish what we started.
How long will that take?
I wish I knew.
I wish it didn't have to be like this, but...
I had a dream last night.
Me and you in Florence, watching the sunset, holding hands.
It sounds cliché, I know.
But it was wonderful.
Just you and me.
A man and a woman being ordinary people.
And then I wake up.
And before I know it, I'm in the closet.
I've never been to Florence.
I wish I could give that to you.
But... we have to finish...
I know.
Every day for a week and you find nothing!
So you can get off your arses and find my daughter,
- you muppet!
- Lovely!
She's just stressed. 
Thank you, sir.
Thanks, guys. 
See you tomorrow.
How was that helping Frankie?
We need them on side!
I'm sorry. 
I didn't mean to snap.
No. 
I like it when you snap.
I like it when you show some oomph.
We need more oomph, cos no-one else is gonna help us find our daughter, Jamie.
You can forget the police!
Let's not do anything hasty.
Jamie, we could be dead in a week!
If we're not gonna do hasty things now, then when are we?
All Frankie's got is us, and we're failing her.
Putting up posters and doing Facebook appeals is getting us no closer to finding your brother.
OK. 
Well, what else can we do?
I don't know.
I only ran to keep Frankie safe, to keep her away from Ariel. 
And it's made no difference, has it?
He's got her anyway.
I failed.
What's that? 
What are you making?
Eat your peas.
I hate peas.
And I hate you.
Why don't you like my real dad?
Why do you wear those gloves?
- Why don't you like getting your hands dirty?
- Oh, my God, do you ever shut up?
What do I have to do to make you stop?
Sweets.
I'm not giving you sweets.
They're bad for you.
I'll wet myself.
And you'll have to clean it up.
And then I'll wet myself again.
Fine! 
I'll get you sweets!
Mum says Dave's feeling a bit better today.
She's just given him a bed bath.
Actually, that's weird.
Why is she texting me that?
Jamie, look.
Have you ever seen the Severn?
How's that helping, Jamie?
How's that a helpful comment?
No. 
I'm sorry. 
I wasn't thinking.
That's Ariel's handwriting.
_
Good grief, there's poetry!
What's he saying?
It says he's still in love with me.
And if I go back to him, nothing happens to Frankie.
And then it gets a bit porny.
No, make that very porny.
Then it says he's gonna call me later and tell me where to go.
Yes!
- Why are you smiling?
- Don't you get it?
We've got something he wants.
Me!
We've got leverage.
Jamie, how would you feel about taking me hostage?
Celine?
What are you doing? 
This is Father Jude's room.
Please tell me you haven't.
Come with me, child. 
We must talk.
Do you believe in hell?
- Yes.
- Good.
I know it is fashionable to believe it is a metaphor, but it is not. 
It is real.
A place of infinite misery and torment.
The Final Judgement could be just days away, Celine.
You have picked a terrible moment to break your vow of chastity.
- At least go to Confession.
- I don't want to repent.
I love him. 
How can love be bad?
It isn't. 
But hypocrisy is.
You must make a choice.
God, Jude, the Sisterhood.
You can have two, but only two. 
It is that simple.
If you wish to stay with him, you must leave the order and he must leave the priesthood.
And you can live as man and wife in God's grace.
He says he cannot. 
That we must finish what we started.
Then open your eyes, my child. 
He does not love you.
How could it be love if he could put your soul in danger?
You must make your choice today.
I know your heart is good.
But if you die in sin, then you will burn in hell for ever.
And so will Jude.
Jude!
Jude!
What is it?
We need to talk.
- I'm with the cardinals.
- Jude, now!
What's going on? 
Why are you so upset?
I want you to leave the priesthood today.
OK. 
What's happening?
Where's this coming from?
What we are doing is wrong. 
And we both know it.
You say you hate lies and hypocrisy. 
We are the biggest liars.
No more hiding in cupboards, in closets. 
I want you, Jude.
I want you, too, but it's not that simple.
It is.
Leave with me today.
Let's live honestly. 
I want you more than any of this.
This is bigger than us. 
It is.
And I'm not done.
We were damned the moment we slept together.
I hear you. 
We'll talk later.
Oh, hey!
How are you?
Oh, thanks, guys!
Such sweeties.
Shut up, McNeil.
They crack me up! 
They're doing this whole Abu Ghraib thing.
It's hilarious!
OK. 
Bye!
We'll talk about all the shoe stuff later.
Are you OK?
You have to get me out of here.
Why am I even on a military base?
The President imposed a state of emergency.
The judicial process has been suspended in favour of military tribunals.
- Your chances of getting a fair trial are zero.
- I have rights!
No, Rhonda, you don't have any rights whatsoever.
The State will seek the death penalty for you.
And what's more, they'll probably get it.
And? 
And? 
What's our strategy?
Honestly?
Prayer.
Get down on your knees and pray.
Pray that Saviour works.
Pray that the rockets hit.
Pray that the comet misses.
Pray that the state of emergency gets lifted and you get a proper trial.
Goodbye, Rhonda.
This is insane! 
It makes no sense whatsoever.
He's never gonna believe that I've snapped and taken you hostage!
Jamie, I hate to break it to you, but you are absolutely 100 per cent the type to snap.
Tightly wound, lower-middle management with a disastrous love life.
You've got potential shooting spree written all over you.
You can do this. 
Look at me. 
Look at me.
You are the sweetest, kindest man I have ever known, but that is no good to us now.
Please, Jamie, for our daughter.
I need you to be a dick. 
You can do it.
Hawkwind?
No. 
Jamie.
You must be my brother.
I don't want to talk to you.
I want to speak to Hawkwind.
Well, I'm getting a little bored of what you want.
Let's talk about what I want.
That's not how this works.
It is now.
You've taken my daughter hostage.
So I've taken our wife hostage.
You want Hawkwind back?
Fine. 
Let's swap.
No.
Nice try, Jamie, but I don't believe you.
You still love her.
You think so? 
After everything she put me through?
I know all about that game you played with me.
I know Layla was just a fiction.
And I know I wasted years of my life on a lie.
So, no.
How could I love someone who betrayed me like that?
Who hurt me more than anyone else, including you.
Congratulations, Ariel.
You broke me.
So if you think for one second
I'm the same Jamie I was, you are sorely mistaken!
Now we are doing things my way.
First, I want to know Frankie's OK.
So put her on.
Now.
It's your dad. 
Say something.
Hi, Dad!
Hey, Frankie, are you OK?
Yeah. 
He's given me all the sweets I want.
And I don't have to eat anything else.
There. 
Happy?
You can't just give her sweets, you dick!
She needs her five a day!
OK. 
My turn. 
Put Hawkwind on.
Husband number one wants a word.
Ariel?
I'm so scared!
He's cracked!
You have to get me out of here.
What's he done to you?
He's got... he's got my foot in a food processor!
Please. 
Please, Ariel, help me.
Just do what he says.
You heard her! 
Now, do as I say, or else!
Jamie, what the fuck?
!
You do not put people's feet in food processors!
There's a line even in these kind of situations
- and you've...
- No!
You don't get to lecture me.
You're not running things. 
I am.
And if you want to see her alive, you meet me a five o'clock in the car park Mary left me in.
You bring back-up, Layla dies.
You've got three seconds to answer me.
Three...
Two...
One!
Yes.
You did it!
Yeah.
But that was the easy bit.
Claimant Paul of Swansea?
No, I told you. 
He's just a cheap stage psychic.
Claimant Jane Doe of Warsaw. 
The new Messiah?
No. 
No, absolutely not.
Is that the six-year-old who rose from the dead?
I thought she sounded promising.
Well, she wasn't.
She's just an ordinary little girl. 
We should leave her be.
What is going on here?
And enough with the stolen glances.
If you two want to screw, get a room!
Jude! 
Language!
What is going on here? 
I've never seen these two before.
And why are we meeting down here?
Consider this an informal steering committee to discuss the theological implications of the current situation.
We know the candidates are, on the whole, unsatisfactory.
But with our future dependent on these Messiahs, we must have a contingency. 
Yes?
A contingency?
T-minus one minute.
Roger. 
One minute and counting.
Case status. 
Updates, please.
- Guidance systems.
- Guidance systems, go.
- Engineering.
- Engineering, go.
- Comms.
- Comms are go.
- Pyros.
- Pyros, go.
- Detonators.
- Detonators, go.
Thank you.
All systems go.
Good luck, everyone.
If Saviour succeeds, we have no problem. 
The world is not ending.
It is not The Final Judgement.
But if Saviour fails, the end really is nigh.
Is it fair to send the faithful to their graves, stripped of all hope?
This is the dawn of a new American century, General. 
I can feel it.
This is about looking the Chinese in the eye and saying,
"We still run this shit!"
Screw four more years.
If this works, they'll put me on Rushmore.
Do you mind, sir? 
We're trying to work here.
The people need hope.
We promised them a Messiah.
So we must give them one.
Whether we believe in him or not is inconsequential.
T-minus ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
Five.
Four...
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
... Two.
One.
Fire!
But I would say... 
I would say 60/40, Mr President.
Alright!
You can use all of the flowery language that you want, but a false Messiah is a false Messiah.
And if you anoint one, you're the fucking anti-Christ!
Father Jude, I object to both your choice of language and your insinuation.
Really? 
My choice of language is the problem here?
!
I mean, what is going on?
If the press found out about this...
What is said between these walls stays between these walls.
Does the Pope know about this?
Of course not!
So am I really the only one amongst you with the balls to stand up for the truth?
Why? 
Why on earth do you own a gun?
!
I'm a single mother living on a boat, Jamie.
You get it doesn't actually work, right?
- It doesn't even work?
- It's for show, OK?
It's a deterrent. 
All you do is wave it around and make him think you're dangerous.
I still think we should call Mum and Dave.
The less moving parts this plan's got, the better.
All we've got to do is swap me for Frankie.
And then when you've got her safe, and I'm close enough, that is when I spray him.
That?
! 
That's what we're pinning our hopes on?
!
He's gonna have a gun, Layla.
No, I'm calling Mum.
Aghh!
Why did you do that?
See? 
You're completely defenceless.
This is when we'll be kicking him in the balls. 
Very simple.
Aghh!
Oh!
Oh, my eyes! 
I can't see!
This is... genius!
Ha! 
This could actually work!
Yes. 
I told you. 
See? 
I told you.
Yeah. 
Oh!
Oh, we've planned!
Has the blast succeeded in knocking the comet off course?
The Saviour team are checking and double-checking their calculations
- before making the announcement.
- _
In the meantime, all we can do is wait.
Wait and pray.
We are all hypocrites, Jude.
At least I have the decency to admit it.
Please be practical.
We need solutions.
Not unbending fundamentalism!
Fundamental?
! 
I'm not a fu...
How did I get on this side of the argument?
You would have every Catholic die without hope and for what?
You have made your choice, Sister?
My vows. 
I choose my vows.
It's time to admit our faith has failed.
Christ is not returning.
No.
You've given up on him.
But I have not.
Gentlemen.
I move we put this to a vote.
Who votes to anoint our best current candidate?
Your Eminence, please...
Do not do this.
I'm sorry, Father. 
I believe we have a duty to the faithful.
So...
Are we done?
Yes, I'm done.
Father, come on. 
Enough of this.
What are you doing?
You're right. 
I'm a liar.
And a hypocrite.
I thought I was doing God's work, but...
He's out there.
He's not in here.
And I was a fool to think that he was.
I want to be a good man.
Father, I must remind you that this conversation is held in the strictest confidence.
Go fuck yourself.
Jamie, whatever happens, promise me you'll get Frankie out of here.
I'm not leaving you with my brother.
Just promise, please.
If anything happens to me  her bedtime's half seven. 
She'll tell you it's eight, but it's not.
Except on Saturday.
And she says she's not afraid of the dark, but she is, really, so... always leave her door a little open and a light on in the hall.
You don't have to do this.
And never leave her with a whole pack of sweets, cos she scoffs the lot and then pukes!
What else?
Oh, the bloody giraffe outfit. 
OK.
She won't let you wash it.
But I've secretly got three of them, so you have to sneak in while she's asleep and swap in a clean one, otherwise she stinks.
One other thing.
She doesn't have a bedtime story.
So she can't get to sleep unless you...
We always watch your videos together.
The ones for me you put on the internet.
You watched them?
Every night.
And then when she was asleep, I'd watch them again.
Just for me.
Make out I'm hostage!
Stay there!
Don't come any closer!
Where's your gun?
I haven't got one.
I thought we were just swapping.
I didn't realise the dress code was "heavily armed".
I must say I'm disappointed, Jamie.
This is very ungentlemanly behaviour.
Yeah. 
Well, look what you've reduced me to.
You and your game.
Ah, doofus!
Years of pleasure, that gave me!
It's funny. 
I always thought it would end with you hanging yourself or stepping in front of a train.
Never thought you'd go... psycho!
Where's Frankie?
Open your mouth. 
Make any sound.
You know what happens, right?
Click, click.
Out you come, poppet.
Frankie!
Here she is.
- See?
- Hello, Frankie!
OK. 
Send her over.
Well, obviously that's not gonna happen, Jamie.
We're gonna send them across at the same time, aren't we?
On three.
One...
Two...
Three.
It's alright. 
Everything's alright.
What is that?
I figured you'd have some half-arsed plan up your sleeve, so I thought it only right to go tit-for-tat.
Just keep in mind, whatever it is you're planning, you do not want me to let go of this button!
It's in the giraffe.
Uh-oh!
Looks like you brought a gun to a bomb fight!
Schoolboy error, Jamie.
Schoolboy error!
Think this through.
You shoot, I let go.
Boom!
Drop the gun.
That's it.
And whatever else you've got planned, don't even think about it.
OK. 
Just tell me what to do to keep her safe and I'll do it. 
Tell me.
Whatever it is, whatever it is, just tell me.
- Put it on.
- Ariel, no!
I'm only doing this because I love you.
I just want us to be a normal married couple.
And that means losing the other husband!
I'm not a bad man!
You just...
You make me do bad things!
You look like such a bad end!
Now, get on your knees!
OK, Frankie.
Go to your mum.
Come on, Frankie.
Come on, sweetheart. 
It's OK. 
Come to me. 
Come on.
- Uncle Ariel...
- I said, "Go to your mum!"
I've eaten too many sweets.
Don't you dare!
Aghh!
Jamie! 
Jamie!
Run! 
Get out of here!
- What the hell are you doing?
- Having a cuddle with my long-lost brother!
We've had our differences, but I'm sure we can iron them out!
Go on! 
Let go of the button!
I dare you!
OK. 
OK.
What exactly are we doing here? 
What's your plan?
- Sooner or later, you're gonna get tired.
- True.
Then again, sooner or later, I'm gonna wet myself and you hate mess, don't you?
So how are you gonna cope with my wee trickling down your leg?
Nice try, Jamie!
Nice try!
But the doofus was never gonna win at Doofus.
Any last words?
Go on, beg!
Nothing?
Kind of appropriate.
Even your death is anti-climactic!
Ariel!
Dad, you were awesome!
You can't be here. 
It's not safe.
- It's OK. 
Uncle Ariel ran away.
- He's gone. 
He's gone. 
He's gone.
I helped, didn't I? 
With my sick.
Yes. 
So no more sweets for you.
Ever.
Aw! 
Dad?
Well, that's the end of the giraffe outfit, then.
Mum, I know you've got spares.
What?
What the hell's taking so long?
I just asked them to triple-check their calculations.
Shanghai.
Repeat. 
Shanghai.
Well?
Did it work?
Mr President, I'm afraid Operation Saviour has failed.
We diverted it, but not enough.
It's still going to hit Earth.
Scotty, get him out of here as soon as you can.
Mr President. 
Mr President, this way.
All external comms down.
They've cut us off!
Get back!
OK. 
We're just getting some breaking news here.
And it's the news we've all been hoping for.
We have official confirmation from Mission Control that Operation Saviour has succeeded.
That's wrong! 
All wrong!
For your own good, stand back!
And a tweet here from Jacob Gardiner, one of the Saviour scientists.
He just says, "We did it!
*You're welcome Earth."
What the hell's that? 
I didn't tweet that!
Who's doing this?
You son of a bitch! 
You lied to me!
Hello!
Is Sister Celine here?
No, no, no, no, Father.
Get out. 
You cannot be here.
She has made her choice, Father.
Is it always like this in here?
Haven't you heard? 
The world is saved!
- Yes. 
I will drink to that.
- We have a future!
Which is why I need to speak with her.
- Haven't you hurt her enough?
- Yes, I have.
- That's why I'm here.
- No. 
Sorry, Father.
Please. 
Give her this.
Tell her I'm done.
And now that there's a future, I want to spend it with my wife.
Yes. 
We were married.
Isn't it amazing? 
And we haven't had a honeymoon!
We will go to Florence and we will tourist the shit out of that place!
You don't have to say "shit".
But try to convey my passion.
Always wanted to visit a convent.
This is exactly as I hoped it would be!
Party on!
A little more on my forehead. 
It looks shiny.
Seven salty sailors sailed the seven seas.
Seven salty sailors sailed the seven seas.
Seventy-seven salty sailors sailed the seven seas.
Are you comfortable with the speech, sir?
Sure! 
I've done this a million times!
Five, four...
My fellow citizens,
I am proud to be speaking to you from Operation Saviour mission control.
This is undoubtedly the most historic speech I will ever make.
Also the most pleasurable.
Never before have we, as a collective, faced such a mighty challenge to our existence and to our planet.
It gives me great pleasure, pride and honour to formally announce the unqualified success of Operation Saviour.
They hit it!
Whoa!
That was my brother!
My brother did that!
I would like to personally thank the men and women of Operation Saviour who've worked tirelessly around the clock for the last 27 days.
Now our future is assured, we must decide what kind of future we wish to have.
Will we revert to our old ways?
Or will we seize this chance to start afresh?
Can we overcome the weight of our history, put aside our differences and forge a new way of living?
A more peaceful, harmonious life for the sake of our children?
It is not often life gives us a chance to start over.
Let's not waste it.
Let's remember how united we feel right now.
One planet.
One race.
The future is bright.
The future is everyone's.
Thank you.
And we're clear.
Thank you, everyone. 
Thank you.
Mr McNeil, we'll speak about everything tomorrow.
Yes?
I love you, Scotty!
I love you!
Woo-hoo!
Rhonda McNeil, I find you guilty of all charges.
I sentence you to death by hanging at midnight tonight.
- He was having a breakdown.
- He committed suicide.
- You lied to my son!
- Yeah. 
So did you.
Kenneth?
Don't!

Previously on Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D...
We need to find Skye.
HYDRA's new heads, Strucker and List.
They're researching powered people.
We're making a deal. 
With Ward.
We are working with Director Coulson.
You're gonna do whatever he says.
I'm more than happy to comply.
I'll have him taken away from here.
Just let me go with him.
I'll talk to him. 
I'll soften the blow.
I see what's happening.
You were gonna dump me here like yesterday's trash.
- Skye?
- Coulson!
I need to get you out of here.
No, not yet!
Don't go!
Damn it, I had her!
Deathlok's down, HYDRA's storming the building. 
Your call, boss.
Take me to your leader.
What are you...
Were you watching me?
I didn't mean to startle you.
I heard you calling out.
I was asleep.
And dreaming.
Do you wanna tell me about it?
Lincoln said you'd been having nightmares.
Lincoln?
He was actually in this dream.
Being held somewhere. 
Being hurt.
It felt real.
Excuse me.
Where's my wife?
Ah!
Didn't expect to see me back here so soon, did you, my love?
Not after such a well-planned banishing.
Where's Lincoln?
You took me from my home!
All right, that's enough.
Cal, this isn't your home.
I know that now!
Hey! 
Lincoln is still out there!
Gordon, can you please...
What happened?
There was an attack.
Can we please get back to what matters here?
You tried to take me away from our daughter.
It's unacceptable.
Go calm down, Cal.
You and I can discuss this later.
There are worse options.
Are you okay?
I'm fine. 
But Coulson was there.
It was HYDRA.
I tried stopping them. 
I barely got away.
They took Lincoln.
Robert. 
It's good to see you.
Is it?
Okay, it's good to see my bus.
But, hey, you look well, too.
Why turn yourself in now, Phil?
Strucker and List have been running experiments on Enhanced people.
They've set up a base in the Arctic.
I have a man on the inside who fed us the location.
I can't trust you.
Then trust the mission.
Robert, don't let this be about you and me.
The one thing we still have, both of us, is stopping HYDRA. 
Don't we?
What's your proof?
First-hand. 
List took Mr. Peterson.
Deathlok. 
The thing HYDRA created.
Mike Peterson. 
An ally.
He's been working for me.
This is not helping your case.
We have a chance to hit HYDRA hard.
They're operating on powered people.
We can shut that down and save lives.
Perhaps.
But I'm gonna ask again.
Why should I trust you?
Because we all have our secrets.
You have one sitting in the cargo hold of your ship, but I'm still willing to work with you.
How do you know that?
Because it's in this box.
Which I will open for you, if you trust me.
I don't understand.
Why was Lincoln there?
Because of me.
I asked him to go and protect you.
To keep you safe.
It was a mistake.
I should never have let you go at all.
It was the right thing to do.
We have to make sure that the Cal that we put out into the world is the same Cal that I've seen here.
The safe and user-friendly Cal.
You were trying to make it easy on him.
You were being compassionate.
How do we get Lincoln back?
We don't.
It's too much of a risk.
You... 
You don't understand.
They will torture him. 
They will kill him.
I know exactly what HYDRA is capable of doing.
I've carried the memory of what they did for decades.
I'm sorry.
And I wish I could save Lincoln from that, but I suspect somehow HYDRA's tracking Gordon's movements.
Anyone I send will be at risk, too.
And Lincoln wouldn't want me to.
These people are important to him.
He wouldn't want them to risk their lives.
We can't rescue Lincoln.
Not now.
I'm sorry.
What the hell?
Welcome back.
Who's there?
We didn't get to formally meet.
My name's Mike.
I think we got knocked out together.
You're the guy with the parts.
You know where we are?
No. 
At least they haven't killed us yet.
But there are bodies out there.
Oh, great.
You've got all that hardware.
Use one of those weapons and get us out of here.
Right. 
Because I didn't think of that.
At least your sarcasm still works.
They disabled the arm. 
It's dead.
What about that teleporting guy?
He coming to help us out?
I hope not.
I think they're tracking him.
He'd put all my people at risk.
Yeah.
My people are just as outmatched.
Only they're stupid enough to try it.
So if we want out of here, we gotta do it ourselves.
I'm Lincoln.
Thank you, Doctor. 
Hail HYDRA.
Well, Strucker's most pleased with our progress.
And he's very anxious to see the subjects with his own eyes.
They are an interesting contrast, these two.
This one, the one they call Deathlok, his modifications are mechanical.
Bestowed by science. 
By man.
And the other?
His oddities are intrinsic.
Somehow bestowed upon him by nature.
Yes.
But knowing the difference is not the same thing as recreating it.
And to that end, I hope to...
To isolate the genetic component, yes.
A comparison between the two could be invaluable.
Doctor Whitehall believed discovery requires experimentation.
I do miss him.
As do I.
But the world moves on, and we form new allegiances.
I'm very glad to hear that.
Especially as we proceed with the experimentation.
Here we go.
That's your plan?
I take it from your expression you're not dazzled.
Why send a small infiltration unit?
Why not a full-on assault?
Blow the base to particles.
I'd rather not sacrifice the prisoners.
Rescue is ideal.
We don't even know how many people HYDRA's holding.
I'm not sure I'm willing to put my people at risk.
You don't have to. 
I've already got my own people picked out.
Don't touch that.
What do you mean?
I'm telling you... 
It's a...
How're you feeling?
Nauseous.
Mmm.
- You want me to get bandages...
- Oh, no.
Man, not from getting shot, that's nothing.
It's a rare crash...
It's those two.
Simple.
I think they actually like each other.
Just, um, focus on your wound.
It will be less unsettling.
Yeah.
You want to take the stick?
I could teach you.
Come on. 
I think you'd like to fly.
No. 
No, if I fly, I'm taking us to Mykonos. 
Or Kauai.
So you don't like our plan?
Grant, S.H.I.E.L.D. makes me nervous.
Didn't you already fulfill your promise to Coulson?
But not my promise to you.
There's still one more thing I need from him before this is over.
Yeah.
Green light. 
Go.
Agent May.
Sir, welcome back.
Nice to be back.
You'll be accompanied by guards at all times.
Each of whom will shoot you without hesitation.
Remember that.
May's actually pretty friendly once you get to know her.
Gentlemen.
You finally come back, and you bring Grant Ward onto the base?
I hope this plan of yours works.
You and me both.
This video feed was streamed from Deathlok's eye less than an hour ago.
What happened?
It appears HYDRA removed his eye.
Well, we've got a problem.
Without Deathlok's feed, we don't have eyes on the ground.
Not true.
I have a man working on the inside.
Sunil Bakshi.
I know Bakshi. 
He's a HYDRA agent.
Not anymore. 
Now he works for me.
Says the HYDRA agent.
My days with HYDRA are over.
Just an independent contractor trying to make amends.
We remain skeptical.
With good cause.
But I believe using Bakshi is the only way for us to successfully infiltrate this base.
The base is in the Arctic Circle, with nothing around for miles.
HYDRA will see us coming.
Which is why it's critical I take in a small team.
Just to be clear, Agent Coulson, what is your objective here?
We rescue the Enhanced prisoners, then disable the missile defense systems so that S.H.I.E.L.D. jets can fly in safely to bomb the facility.
You really believe a small team can do this?
My team can.
Then I suppose we should put this matter to a vote.
Agent Morse?
I'm in.
Agents Weaver and Oliver?
No. 
Too risky.
I agree.
Understood, but I'm voting to go ahead with this.
That leaves you with the deciding vote, Agent May.
I'd like a word in private with Agent Coulson first.
You look upset. 
Is everything okay?
I feel sorry for her.
Yeah, well, you should've seen her back on the plane with Ward.
It seems the two of them are in love with each other.
Whatever that is, it's not love.
No, of course not.
Hey, thank you for packing the sandwich before I left.
- It was really delicious.
- Oh.
You're quite welcome.
But I just don't understand why Coulson would take Ward on a mission.
It's simply too dangerous.
Yeah, for Ward, maybe.
I attacked him back on the Quinjet.
Hunter had to pull me off him, so...
Really?
Yeah. 
Yeah. 
Lucky for him.
You know, what I should've done is toss him from the plane.
Yeah, that would have been fitting.
But perhaps there's a better way still.
Splinter bombs.
Simply find Ward alone.
Stick one of these on and poof!
No more Ward.
Yeah, that probably would be quite a fitting way for, um...
Wait...
You're serious.
Ward is a threat to every agent working in S.H.I.E.L.D.
Isn't it our responsibility to at least arm ourselves against him?
What the hell are you thinking?
I could ask you the same thing.
Since when did you become a high-ranking member of Team Gonzales?
Someone had to run the base while you were gone.
Having a seat allowed me to keep you safe.
I was fine on my own.
Seems that's how you operate best.
What the hell's that supposed to mean?
That you've been lying to me ever since S.H.I.E.L.D. fell.
All those overseas trips you were taking.
They were never about recruiting new agents, were they?
You wanna tell me what Theta Protocol is?
- No.
- Because you don't trust me.
Because you're not the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Neither are you.
Not anymore.
We've always had our secrets, May.
You had a secret line to Fury behind my back.
This is personal.
This is about Andrew?
He's my ex-husband, and you were working with him behind my back.
I went to him for counseling.
He was the only therapist I could talk to about my alien writing impulses.
You should've told me.
You're right, I should have, and I will apologize to you later.
At length.
But right now, List has Mike Peterson, and who knows how many other Enhanced prisoners.
Now can we put this behind us and go rescue them? 
Please?
What part of "no" didn't you understand?
The part where you won't take me to Lincoln.
I told you. 
No one enters or leaves Afterlife until we know it's safe.
It'll be too late by then.
S.H.I.E.L.D. may be wrong about a lot of things, but they never leave a man behind.
I'm sorry.
Don't give up hope just yet.
Skye can save Lincoln. 
I saw her do it.
What? 
You've seen it?
We think Raina's Gift may allow her to see things before they happen.
I thought her Gift was spinning really fast to collect gold rings.
Tell me what you saw.
Maybe she's right.
What I saw doesn't make much sense.
Why would Coulson be working with Ward?
Coulson and Ward were together back at Cal's office.
But I didn't tell anyone.
You have to go. 
You do go.
Go where?
Lincoln's in a dark room with two doctors.
They're cutting into him.
You find him.
You're the only one who can save him.
You have to take me.
I promised Jiaying I wouldn't use my Gift.
You need permission to save a friend?
Last time I went back for Lincoln, HYDRA almost captured me.
How will this be any different?
Because where you take Skye is a long way from HYDRA.
You're taking this too far.
It's the only way we can move forward.
I'll go help my team, while you stay here and reconnect with your past.
That made sense when it was just calling my mom.
This is something else entirely.
Listen, you're a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, Kara.
I was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent.
A long time ago, before HYDRA took me.
Before I met you.
Being a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent was taken from you.
This is your chance to get that part of yourself back.
And I'll keep saying it until you believe me.
All you have to do is stay strong.
If you didn't want me to go, then why'd you vote to allow it?
Because Coulson's only using his own people.
Figured it was worth the risk.
Those are S.H.I.E.L.D. agents going on that mission, Robert.
I'm aware of that, Agent Morse.
But we're fighting a war with an enemy that is without honor.
Sometimes we make sacrifices for the greater good.
Excuse me, sir, but I'd like to join the mission.
I appreciate the offer, Agent Simmons, but this is a specialized team.
Agent May is there for tactical support,
Fitz to disable the defense systems...
And who's there to look after Mike's injuries?
Ward?
HYDRA's already removed Mike's eye.
God knows what else they've done to him.
He'll need a doctor, and preferably one already familiar with Deathlok's anatomical structure.
You sure about this?
Absolutely. 
This is something I have to do.
Suit up.
- What was that?
- On your knees.
Now!
May, it wasn't me.
Then what the hell was it?
- Skye.
- Hey, guys.
This is great.
We finally got the team back together.
How are they all?
Are you making friends?
Yeah, how did you get the intel about the base?
Can you control your powers?
Yes. 
Yes.
I promise I will tell you guys everything.
It's a lot.
You might not believe me.
But, just, not now.
Well, we're just happy to see you, and you're being so secretive.
No, I'm happy to see you, too. 
But...
Yeah, we've got a mission to do, not much time. 
Blah, blah, blah.
No, Ward is here.
I don't wanna talk about anything personal in case he's just...
I hear my name?
He's like Candyman.
We should review the op.
- Ward...
- Mmm-hmm.
I can't believe I'm saying this, bring us up to speed on Bakshi's intel.
All right.
Bakshi's using old HYDRA text channels to provide us with intel, although much...
Much of it is, uh...
Much... 
All right.
Can we just address the elephant on the plane?
I know. 
This is weird.
Mistakes were made...
By you.
And people got hurt.
By you.
And I could stand here and explain again how my parents and brother left me vulnerable...
We all had our traumas, Ward.
Didn't turn any of us into psychopaths.
Well, we all have our own ways of coping, don't we?
For example, I was yours.
- Watch it, Ward.
- Look,
I'm just saying we all made mistakes.
Coulson handed me over to my abuser, thank you.
Skye shot me.
After you killed how many people?
Yeah, and we were a team, and a family, and you betrayed us.
I know, that's what I regret the most.
Not the lying, not the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents I had to put down, and I'm sorry, not even dropping you two in the ocean.
It's this.
My actions destroyed this.
I'll regret that forever.
'Cause there were good times, right?
Before?
I mean, for a while there, we were a good team, weren't we?
- I'm still happy I shot you.
- Yeah, me, too.
- Should have aimed for the face.
- Yeah.
Guys,
I know this is so weird, but we have to come back to the mission.
Two teams,
Skye, Ward, and Simmons on rescue and medical.
Fitz and I will break into missile defense and gather intel.
May's with us for firepower.
Wait, you're not on rescue?
Let me handle the job assignments.
The point is, there's a lot of challenges ahead.
We don't wanna implode before we even get there.
And, Ward, just no more talking to people.
You've been pacing, haven't you?
Why would you assume...
Come with me.
I shouldn't have come back so hot.
I didn't count to 10.
I am better. 
I promise. 
I'm sorry.
It wasn't right to send you away.
Certainly not without telling you, probably not at all.
I understand.
Actually, no, I don't. 
I don't understand.
Why did you send me away?
Everything is so dangerous right now, I felt I had to. 
I...
And you had that thing you get.
Butterflies in the stomach, except, in the heart.
You were stressed.
Why don't you stay for now?
We can let everything calm down, and then we can figure it out.
Thank you. 
Thank you.
You know, I was pacing a little, I don't wanna lie.
It's okay.
It really will be the three of us together.
Just like we wanted.
There are always threats.
What can you tell me about her?
Raina?
She's manipulative, dangerous, deceitful.
We had good times.
You need to watch her.
What are you doing?
Not everyone's gonna be able to see the mission in real time in Coulson's...
In the office.
So I figured the rest could watch here.
If you don't want my help...
No, no, no, it's cool. 
Thanks.
I'm sorry, man.
For everything.
And I did what I thought was right, I mean, I still do, but I never meant for you to get hurt.
I get it. 
It's the line of work.
You had a tough call to make
I maybe wish you'd chained me up somewhere not a men's restroom, but...
I swear, I mean, I looked for any other place which...
The point is, Mack, I forgive you.
Really?
Thanks.
But I promise you, when everything settles down around here, next round of drinks is on me.
A round of drinks? 
Really?
Mmm.
You choked me out and kidnapped me, a round of drinks is the first thing in a long, long, long list of things you're gonna do for me.
Okay. 
All right.
- All right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Whatever it takes.
You talk to Bobbi yet?
No, not yet.
It's funny, I don't mind blood.
But needles? 
Not a fan.
I'm trying not to look at any of it.
But this isn't really about tests, right?
This is you guys keeping an eye on me where I can't leave.
Better than a cell, I guess.
Plus, we wanna make sure they didn't mess with you physically. 
Just...
Messed with my head. 
I know.
How much do you remember?
From before?
Pieces. 
Missing some details.
You know, you and I actually met a few times.
So I'm here for you.
If you start remembering, come to me.
I'll help you out.
Thank you.
You're the first one here to speak to me like a person.
What Whitehall did to you, it's unthinkable.
Yeah.
But at least one good thing came out of it.
I met Grant.
No, just wait.
He'll get Bakshi to help.
You'll see the Grant I do.
I doubt they'll survive.
It's a crushing disappointment, really.
No one has made it past this stage of our experiments with alien enhancement.
Well, no one other than the Twins, of course.
And Strucker has them in Sokovia.
Oh, it would be so nice if they were not our only viable subjects.
Well, perhaps he will prove the answer.
He's due in surgery about now.
Doctor List, a cloaked plane is on approach.
Cloaked? 
But how can you see it?
It's the barren location.
We see a blip, even a cloaked one.
It must be S.H.I.E.L.D.
Shoot them out of the sky.
Yes, sir.
We've been spotted. 
It's time.
I've got visuals on the target. 
Buckle in.
They've locked on!
Satellite confirms that S.H.I.E.L.D. 616 has been hit.
Any contact from Coulson's team?
I'm afraid not.
Sit tight. 
This was always the plan.
I'm starting to think this wasn't a very good plan.
Is there anything you can do about the drop?
Not if we want HYDRA to believe we're debris.
Really starting to wish I hadn't eaten that Hot Pocket earlier.
Hold on!
S.H.I.E.L.D. 218 has eased its descent and is making preparations to land.
That was the easy part.
Clear.
I was being followed.
Calm your mind, Bakshi.
Your compliance will be rewarded.
It's good to see you again, sir.
Where's Kara?
Exactly where she needs to be.
Is List still here?
Yes, sir. 
In the lab.
Along with the other prisoners.
And the Mainframe Room?
Down the hall, to the left.
Everyone clear on their team's objective?
If it's agreeable, I'd prefer to join Agent Ward's team.
- Is that gonna be a problem?
- Hardly.
Remember, just 15 minutes till Gonzales' jets arrive. 
Move.
Be careful, Jemma.
- Dr. List!
- Get me out of here.
Just like old times, huh?
Not exactly.
So that's what happened in Puerto Rico.
The least you could do is thank me.
How about I just don't try to kill you again?
It's not as bad as it looks.
Really?
Nah, it's pretty bad.
There was another guy in here.
He had electrical powers.
- Lincoln?
- Yeah.
They moved him just before you showed.
You need to hurry.
The guy's in pretty bad shape.
We're coming in.
You're up.
Don't just stand there like an idiot.
Go and find something we can carry him out on.
Surprised you'd sign up for any mission with Ward involved.
I saw an opportunity to do the right thing, so I took it.
Lincoln.
Lincoln, wake up.
Raina was right.
Sir, look out!
We're on the same team.
What were you thinking?
That I made you a promise.
What? 
That you would kill me?
I thought we moved past that.
Go on. 
Get it over with, you monster.
You really have changed, Simmons.
I'm disappointed in you.
Okay, missile defenses are almost down.
Good.
Where's Coulson?
S.H.I.E.L.D. jets are five minutes from the target.
Have them await my command.
Any word from Coulson's team?
Not yet.
Get out of there, Phil.
- Hey, we need to move.
- Just one minute.
Come on, Phil. 
This wasn't the plan.
Or was it?
Either come with me now, or you're next.
Okay. 
After you.
Is he okay?
Where are Ward and Bakshi?
They're not coming with us.
Okay, come on, we don't have much time.
This is S.H.I.E.L.D. 218.
We have the prisoners and are leaving HYDRA airspace.
- Yes.
- All right.
Well done, Coulson.
Agent Weaver, have ourjets fire when ready.
Be careful!
Hello?
Sounds like you made it out okay.
I'm surprised you didn't join us.
Thought it might be in my best interest to find an exit that wouldn't, oh, land me in a cell afterwards.
Or, you know, my brain erased.
Well, I'm glad you made it out all right.
Yeah, we both know that's not true, Coulson.
You wanna tell me what this call's really about?
I always knew the team wasn't going to forgive me.
Some people just don't deserve forgiveness.
But Kara, she does.
That's why I've returned her to S.H.I.E.L.D.
Ward, there's...
She was a good agent.
A good person.
Then HYDRA ambushed her safe house and took that from her. 
Took everything.
Whitehall broke her, and I've tried to fix her, but I'm just not the right man for it.
There's not enough good left inside me.
She deserves better.
I'll see what I can do.
I know you'll do the right thing.
HYDRA didn't just disconnect your leg. 
It's like...
They dismantled it.
It'll take serious man-hours to reattach it.
I wish I had the equipment to fix it here.
Just tell me someone does.
There's a facility.
We've already gotten in touch, so they'll be ready for you straight away.
How'd you guys find us, anyway?
Bakshi, if you can believe it.
Ward got him to lead us right in.
Yeah? 
I didn't see Bakshi.
What happened to him?
He didn't make it.
Come on, Lincoln. 
Wake up.
Sir, the attack team's on their way back.
They report the entire HYDRA base has been destroyed.
Good.
There was no sign of this Doctor List.
He may have escaped.
Sir? 
Are you... 
Are you okay?
She's still dangerous.
We're all dangerous.
But it's okay.
She's in our custody and we got what we wanted.
What we wanted?
Enhanced people. 
Here on the base.
That's why you were willing to go along with Coulson's plan.
You wanted the Enhanced people he'd rescue.
I didn't expect Skye, but we have her and one of her friends.
Maybe we can learn how many are out there.
You're gonna hold Skye here.
Of course I am.
Okay, I think that we need to discuss this.
Discuss what?
What are we discussing now?
Time to honor our agreement.
Here you go. 
Unlocked and all yours.
Go nuts.
At least, until Fury shows up and asks for it back.
Oh. 
Spoiler alert.
Oh. 
Hey, I have to take this.
Hi. 
Can you hang on a second?
I bet Gonzales wasn't happy when you said he wasn't invited to this chat.
Yeah, well, I wasn't too happy when he blew a hole in my base and kicked me out.
We all live with disappointment.
And right now, we have bigger problems.
Does that mean you found it?
I figured you'd visit me again.
I spoke to Gordon.
I think we should discuss your visions.
Specifically, I'd like to discuss how you used them to convince Skye to run off and rescue Lincoln.
I didn't convince Skye.
I just told her what was gonna happen.
It was dangerous, and it was foolish.
And it won't happen again.
From now on, any decisions based on your Gift will be made by me.
It's funny. 
I was just thinking, who decided you should have final say in all the decisions around here?
Raina...
I'm just saying, maybe the time has come for someone else to...
I'm guessing HYDRA doesn't know Loki's scepter was the weapon that killed me, but I bet they know it can control minds.
In their hands, that's catastrophic.
Coulson, please tell me you know where it is.
Sokovia. 
I'm pretty sure List is headed there right now.
Raina? 
Raina, talk to me.
I see a scepter.
Beautiful, dangerous...
It isn't finished yet.
So much destruction.
I've just sent you everything I found on Strucker's location.
Coulson, why didn't you just tell Gonzales why you really wanted to get onto the HYDRA base?
Believe it or not, he puts every decision to a vote.
I know.
And I was pretty sure if I'd been honest, I would've lost the swing vote.
So I did what I had to do.
Last thing.
Theta Protocol.
Is it ready?
Yes, it is.
Time to bring in the Avengers.
It's terrible.
Jiaying, it was...
What? 
What was it?
Consequences are upon us.
Men made of metal will tear our cities apart.
And the world will be changed forever.

Previously on "Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D."... 
We need to find Skye.
HYDRA's new heads ... 
Strucker and List.
They're researching powered people.
We're making a deal... with Ward.
We are working with Director Coulson.
- You're gonna do whatever he says.
- I'm more than happy to comply.
I'll have him taken away from here.
Just let me go with him.
I'll talk to him.
I'll soften the blow.
I see what's happening.
You were gonna dump me here like yesterday's trash.
- Skye?
- Coulson?
- I need to get you out of here.
- No, no, not yet!
Don't go!
Damn it! 
I had her.
Deathlok's down.
HYDRA's storming the building.
- Your call, boss.
- Take me to your leader.
2x19 - "The Dirty Half Dozen"
What are ...
Were you watching me?
I didn't mean to startle you.
I heard you calling out.
- I was asleep.
- Yes.
And dreaming.
Do you want to tell me about it?
Lincoln said you'd been having nightmares.
Lincoln...
he was actually in this dream, being held somewhere, being hurt.
It felt... real.
Excuse me.
Where's my wife?
!
Ahh!
Didn't expect to see me back here so soon, did you, my love?
Not after such a well-planned banishing!
- Where's Lincoln?
- You took me from my home!
- All right, that's enough!
- Cal, this isn't your home.
- I know that now.
- Hey! 
Lincoln is still out there.
Gordon, can you please?
- What happened?
- There was an attack.
Can we please get back to what matters here?
You tried to take me away from our daughter.
It's unacceptable!
Go calm down, Cal.
You and I can discuss this later.
There are worse options.
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine. 
But Coulson was there.
It was HYDRA.
I tried stopping them.
I barely got away.
They took Lincoln.
Robert. 
It's good to see you.
- Is it?
- Okay.
It's good to see my bus, but, hey, you look well, too.
Why turn yourself in now, Phil?
Strucker and List have been running experiments on enhanced people.
They've set up a base in the Arctic.
I have a man on the inside who fed us their location.
- I can't trust you.
- Then trust the mission.
Robert, don't let this be about you and me.
The one thing we still have ...
both of us ... is stopping HYDRA.
- Don't we?
- What's your proof?
Firsthand ... 
List took Mr. Peterson.
Deathlok, the thing HYDRA created.
Mike Peterson, an ally.
He's been working for me.
- This is not helping your case.
- We have a chance to hit HYDRA ... hard.
They're operating on powered people.
- We can shut that down and save lives.
- Perhaps, but I'm gonna ask again ...
- why should I trust you?
- Because we all have our secrets.
You have one sitting in the cargo hold of your ship, but I'm still willing to work with you.
How do you know that?
Because it's in this box, which I will open for you if you trust me.
I don't understand.
- Why was Lincoln there?
- Because of me.
I asked him to go and protect you, to keep you safe.
It was a mistake. 
I should never have let you go at all.
It was the right thing to do.
We have to make sure that the Cal that we put out into the world is the same Cal that I've seen here ... th-the safe and user-friendly Cal.
You were trying to make it easy on him.
You were being compassionate.
- How do we get Lincoln back?
- We don't.
- It's too much of a risk.
- You don... 
You don't understand.
They will torture him.
They will kill him.
I know exactly what HYDRA is capable of doing.
I've carried the memory of what they did for decades.
I'm sorry.
And I wish I could save Lincoln from that, but I suspect somehow HYDRA is tracking Gordon's movements.
Anyone I send will be at risk, too.
And Lincoln wouldn't want me to.
These people are important to him.
He wouldn't want them to risk their lives.
We can't rescue Lincoln ... not now.
I'm sorry.
- What the hell?
- Welcome back.
- Who's there?
- We didn't get to formally meet.
My name's Mike.
I think we got knocked out together.
You're the guy with the parts.
- You know where we are?
- No.
At least they haven't killed us yet.
- But there are bodies out there.
- Oh, great.
You got all that hardware.
Use one of those weapons and get us out of here.
Right.
Because I didn't think of that.
At least your sarcasm still works.
They disabled the arm.
It's dead.
What about that teleporting guy?
- He coming to help us out?
- I hope not.
I think they're tracking him.
He'd put all my people at risk.
Yeah.
My people are just as outmatched.
Only they're stupid enough to try it.
So if we want out of here, we got to do it ourselves.
I'm Lincoln.
Thank you, doctor.
Hail HYDRA.
Well, Strucker's most pleased with our progress.
And he's very anxious to see the subjects with his own eyes.
They are an interesting contrast, these two.
This one, the one they call Deathlok ... his modifications are mechanical, bestowed by science, by man.
- And the other?
- His oddities are intrinsic, somehow bestowed upon him by nature.
Yes.
But knowing the difference is not the same thing as re-creating it.
- And to that end, I hope to ...
- To isolate the genetic component, yes.
A comparison between the two could be invaluable.
Dr. Whitehall believed discovery requires experimentation.
- I do miss him.
- As do I.
But the world moves on, and we form new allegiances.
I'm very glad to hear that... especially as we proceed with the experimentation.
Here we go.
That's your plan?
I take it from your expression, you're not dazzled.
Why send a small infiltration unit?
Why not a full-on assault?
Blow the base to particles.
I'd rather not sacrifice the prisoners.
Rescue is ideal.
We don't even know how many people HYDRA's holding.
I'm not sure I'm willing to put my people at risk.
You don't have to.
I've already got my own people picked out.
- How you feeling?
- Nauseous.
Mm. 
You want me to get ...
Oh, no, not from getting shot. 
That's nothing.
It's those two.
I think they actually...
like each other.
Just, um, just focus on your wound.
It'll be less unsettling.
You want to take the stick?
I could teach you.
Come on.
I think you'd like to fly.
No. 
No.
If I fly, I'm taking us to Mykonos or Kauai.
- So, you don't like our plan?
- Grant, SHIELD makes me nervous.
Didn't you already fulfill your promise to Coulson?
But not my promise to you.
There's still one more thing I need from him before this is over.
Yeah.
Green light! 
Go!
- Agent May.
- Sir.
- Welcome back.
- Nice to be back.
You'll be accompanied by guards at all times.
Each of whom will shoot you without hesitation.
- Remember that.
- May's actually pretty friendly... once you get to know her.
Gentlemen...
You finally come back, and you bring Grant Ward onto the base.
- I hope this plan of yours works.
- You and me both.
This video feed was streamed  from Deathlok's eye less than an hour ago.
What happened?
- It appears HYDRA removed his eye.
- Well, we've got a problem.
Without Deathlok's feed, we don't have eyes on the ground.
Not true.
I have a man working on the inside ... 
Sunil Bakshi.
I know Bakshi.
He's a HYDRA agent.
Not anymore.
Now he works for me.
- Says the HYDRA agent.
- My days with HYDRA are over.
Just an independent contractor trying to make amends.
We remain skeptical.
With good cause, but I believe using Bakshi is the only way for us to successfully infiltrate this base.
The base is in the Arctic circle with nothing around for miles.
HYDRA will see us coming.
Which is why it's critical I take in a small team.
And just to be clear, Agent Coulson, what is your objective here?
We rescue the enhanced prisoners, then disable the missile-defense system so that SHIELD jets can fly in safely to bomb the facility.
You really believe a small team can do this?
My team can.
Then I suppose we should put this matter to a vote.
- Agent Morse.
- I'm in.
Agents Weaver and Oliver.
- No. 
Too risky.
- I agree.
Understood.
But I'm voting to go ahead with this.
That leaves you with the deciding vote, Agent May.
I'd like a word in private with Agent Coulson first.
You look upset.
- Is everything okay?
- I feel sorry for her.
Yeah, well, should've seen her back on the plane with Ward.
Seems the two of them are in love with each other.
- Whatever that is, it's not love.
- No. 
Of course not.
Hey, thank you for packing the sandwich before I left.
- It was really delicious.
- Oh. 
You're quite welcome.
But I just don't understand why Coulson would take Ward on a mission.
- It's simply too dangerous!
- Yeah. 
For Ward, maybe.
I attacked him back on the Quinjet.
Hunter had to pull me off him, so...
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah. 
Lucky for him.
You know, what I should've done is tossed him from the plane.
Yeah, that would've been fitting, but perhaps there's a better way still.
Splinter bombs.
Simply find Ward alone, stick one of these on, and poof ... no more Ward.
Yeah, that probably would be quite a fitting way for, um...
Wait.
You're serious.
Ward is a threat to every agent working in SHIELD.
Isn't it our responsibility to at least arm ourselves against him?
What the hell are you thinking?
I could ask you the same thing.
Since when did you become a high-ranking member of Team Gonzales?
Someone had to run the base while you were gone.
Having a seat allowed me to keep you safe.
- I was fine on my own.
- Seems that's how you operate best.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
That you've been lying to me ever since SHIELD fell.
All those overseas trips you were taking, they were never about recruiting new agents, were they?
You want to tell me what Theta Protocol is?
- No.
- Because you don't trust me.
Because you're not the Director of SHIELD.
Neither are you!
Not anymore.
We've always had our secrets, May.
You had a secret line to Fury behind my back.
This...
is personal.
- This is about Andrew.
- He's my ex-husband.
And you were working with him ... behind my back!
I went to him for counseling.
He was the only therapist I could talk to about my alien-writing impulses.
- You should've told me.
- You're right.
I should have, and I will apologize to you later, at length.
But right now, List has Mike Peterson and who knows how many other enhanced prisoners.
Now can we put this behind us and go rescue them?
Please?
What part of "no" didn't you understand?
The part where you won't take me to Lincoln.
I told you, no one enters or leaves Afterlife
- until we know it's safe.
- It'll be too late by then.
SHIELD may be wrong about a lot of things, but they never leave a man behind.
- I'm sorry ...
- Don't give up hope just yet.
Skye can save Lincoln.
I saw her do it.
- Wh... 
You've seen it?
- We think Raina's gift may allow her to see things before they happen.
I thought her gift was spinning really fast
- to collect gold rings.
- Tell me what you saw.
Maybe she's right.
What I saw doesn't make much sense.
Why would Coulson be working with Ward?
C-Coulson and Ward were together back at Cal's office,
- but I didn't... tell anyone.
- You have to go.
- You do go.
- Go where?
Lincoln's in a dark room with two doctors.
They're cutting into him.
You find him.
- You're the only one who can save him.
- You have to take me.
I promised Jiaying I wouldn't use my gift.
You need permission to save a friend?
Last time I went back for Lincoln, HYDRA almost captured me.
How will this be any different?
Because where you take Skye is a long way from HYDRA.
- You're taking this too far.
- It's the only way we can move forward.
I'll go help my team while you stay here and reconnect with your past.
That made sense when it was just calling my mom.
This is something else entirely.
Listen, you're a SHIELD agent, Kara.
I was a SHIELD agent...
a long time ago... before HYDRA took me...
before I met you.
Being a SHIELD agent was taken from you.
This is your chance to get that part of yourself back.
And I'll keep saying it until you believe me.
All you have to do is stay strong.
If you didn't want me to go, then why did you vote to allow it?
Because Coulson's only using his own people.
Figured it was worth the risk.
Those are SHIELD agents going on that mission, Robert.
I'm aware of that, Agent Morse.
We're fighting a war with an enemy that is without honor.
Sometimes, we make sacrifices for the greater good.
Excuse me, sir, but I'd like to join the mission.
I appreciate the offer, Agent Simmons, but this is a specialized team.
Agent May is there for tactical support,
Fitz to disable the defense systems...
And who's there to look after Mike's injuries? 
Ward?
HYDRA's already removed Mike's eye.
God knows what else they've done to him.
He'll need a doctor, and preferably one already familiar with Deathlok's anatomical structure.
- You sure about this?
- Absolutely.
- This is something I have to do.
- Suit up.
- What was that?
- On your knees, now!
- May, it wasn't me.
- Then what the hell was it?
- Skye.
- Hey, guys.
This is great.
We finally got the team back together.
How are they all?
Are you making friends?
How did you get the intel about the base?
- Can you control your powers, or... ?
- Yes.
Yes, I-I promise I will tell you guys everything.
It's a lot. 
You might not believe me, but just not now.
Well, we're just happy to see you, and you're being so secretive.
No, I'm happy to see you, too, but ...
Yeah, we've got a mission to do, not much time,
- blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
- No, Ward is here.
I don't want to talk about anything personal
- in case he's just ...
- Did I hear my name?
- He's like candyman.
- We should review the op.
- Ward ...
- Mhm?
... can't believe I'm saying this...
- ... bring us up to speed on Bakshi's intel.
- All right.
Bakshi's using old HYDRA text channels to provide us with intel, although m... much of it is, uh...
much...
All right. 
Can we just address the elephant on the plane?
I know. 
This is weird.
- Mistakes were made.
- By you.
- And people got hurt.
- By you.
And I could stand here and explain again how my parents
- and brother left me vulnerable ...
- We all had our traumas, Ward.
Didn't turn any of us into psychopaths.
Well, we all have our own ways of coping, don't we?
- For example, I was yours.
- Watch it, Ward!
Look, I'm just saying we all made mistakes.
Coulson handed me over to my abuser ... thank you.
- Skye shot me ...
- After you killed how many people?
Yeah, and we were a team and a family, and you betrayed us!
I know.
It's what I regret the most.
Not the lying, the SHIELD agents I had to put down, and ... 
I'm sorry ...
not even dropping you two in the ocean.
It's this.
My actions destroyed this.
I'll regret that forever.
'Cause there were good times.
Right? 
Before?
I mean, for a while there, we were a good team.
Weren't we?
- I'm still happy I shot you.
- Yeah, me too.
Should've aimed for the face.
- Yeah.
- Guys... 
I know this is so weird, but we have to come back to the mission. 
Two teams.
Skye, Ward, and Simmons on rescue and medical.
Fitz and I will break in to missile defense and gather intel.
- May's with us for firepower.
- Wait. 
You're not on rescue?
Let me handle the job assignments.
The point is, there's a lot of challenges ahead.
We don't want to implode before we even get there.
And, Ward, just...
no more talking... to people.
You've been pacing, haven't you?
- Why would you assume ...
- Come with me.
I shouldn't have come back so hot.
I didn't count to 10.
I ... 
I am better.
I promise. 
I'm sorry.
It wasn't right to send you away, certainly not without telling you.
- Probably not at all.
- I understand.
Actually, you know, I don't.
I-I don't understand.
Why did you send me away?
Everything is so dangerous right now.
- I felt I had to. 
I ...
- You had that thing you've got ... butterflies in the stomach, except in the heart.
- You were stressed.
- Why don't you stay for now?
We can let everything calm down, and then we can figure it out.
Thank you, thank you.
You know, I-I was pacing a little.
- I don't want to lie.
- It's okay.
It really will be the three of us together, just like we wanted.
There are always threats.
- What can you tell me about her?
- Raina?
She's manipulative, dangerous, deceitful.
We had good times.
You need to watch her.
What are you doing?
Not everyone is gonna be able to see the mission in real-time... in Coulson's...
in the office.
So I figure the rest could watch here.
- If you don't want my help ...
- No, no, no. 
It's...
It's cool. 
Thanks.
I'm sorry, man.
For everything.
I did what I thought was right.
I still do, but I ... 
I never meant for you to get hurt.
I get it. 
It's the line of work.
You had a tough call to make.
I maybe wish you'd chained me up somewhere
- not in a men's restroom, but...
- I swear I looked for any other place ...
The point is, Mack... 
I forgive you.
R-Really?
Thanks.
Look, I promise you, when everything settles down around here, next round of drinks is on me.
- A round of drinks? 
Really?
- Mhm.
You choked me out and kidnapped me.
A round of drinks is the first thing in a long, long, long list of things you're gonna do for me.
- Okay... 
All right.
- All right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
Whatever it takes.
- You talk to Bobbi yet?
- No, not yet.
It's funny.
Don't mind blood, but needles?
- Not a fan.
- I'm trying not to look at any of it, but this isn't really about tests, right?
This is you guys keeping an eye on me where I can't leave.
Better than a cell, I guess.
Plus, we want to make sure they didn't mess with you physically.
- Just ...
- Messed with my head. 
I know.
How much do you remember?
From before?
Pieces, missing some details.
You know, you and I actually met a few times.
So I'm here for you.
If you start remembering, come to me.
I'll help you out.
Thank you.
You're the first one here to speak to me like a person.
What Whitehall did to you ...
it's unthinkable.
Yeah.
But at least one good thing came out of it.
I met Grant.
No, just wait.
He'll get Bakshi to help.
You'll see the Grant I do.
I doubt they'll survive.
That's a crushing disappointment, really.
No one has made it past this stage of our experiments with alien enhancement.
Well, no one other than the twins, of course.
And Strucker has them in Segovia.
Oh, it would be so nice if they were not our only viable subjects.
Well, perhaps he will prove the answer.
- He's due in surgery about now.
- Dr. List.
A cloaked plane is on approach.
Cloaked?
But how can you see it?
It's the barren location.
We see a blip, even a cloaked one.
It must be SHIELD.
- Shoot them out of the sky.
- Yes, sir.
We've been spotted. 
It's time.
I've got visuals on the target.
Buckle in.
They've locked on.
Satellite confirms that SHIELD 616 has been hit. 
Any contact from Coulson's team?
I'm afraid not.
Sit tight.
This was always the plan.
I'm starting to think this wasn't a very good plan!
Is there anything you can do about the drop?
!
Not if we want HYDRA to believe we're debris!
I'm really starting to wish I hadn't eaten that hot pocket earlier.
Hold on!
SHIELD 218 has eased its decent and is making preparations to land.
That was the easy part.
Clear.
- I was being followed.
- Calm your mind, Bakshi.
Your compliance will be rewarded.
Good to see you again, Sir.
Where's Kara?
Exactly where she needs to be.
- Is List still here?
- Yes, sir.
In the lab, along with the other prisoners.
- And the mainframe room?
- Down the hall, to the left.
Everyone clear on their team's objective?
If it's agreeable, I'd prefer to join Agent Ward's team.
- Is that gonna be a problem?
- Hardly.
Remember, just 15 minutes till Gonzales' jets arrive.
Move.
Be careful, Jemma.
- Dr.List!
- Get me out of here!
- Just like old times, huh?
- Not exactly.
So that's what happened in Puerto Rico.
The least you can do is thank me.
How about I just don't try to kill you again?
- It's not as bad as it looks.
- Really?
- No. 
It's pretty bad.
- There's another guy in here.
- He had electrical powers.
- Lincoln?
- Yeah.
- They moved him just before you showed.
You need to hurry.
The guy's in pretty bad shape.
We're coming in.
You're up.
Don't just stand there like an idiot.
Go and find something we can carry him out on.
Surprised you'd sign up for any mission with Ward involved.
I saw an opportunity to do the right thing, so I took it.
Lincoln...
Lincoln, wake up.
Oh, my god.
Raina was right.
Sir, watch out!
We're on the same team.
- What were you thinking?
- That I made you a promise.
What? 
That you would kill me?
- I thought we moved past that.
- Go on.
Get it over with, you monster.
You really have changed, Simmons.
I'm disappointed in you.
- Okay, missile defenses are almost down.
- Good. 
Where's Coulson?
SHIELD jets are five minutes from the target.
Have them await my command.
- Any word from Coulson's team?
- Not yet.
Get out of there, Phil.
- Hey, need to move.
- Just one minute.
Come on, Phil, this wasn't the plan.
Or was it?
Either come with me now, or you're next.
Okay. 
After you.
- Is he okay?
- Where are Ward and Bakshi?
They're not coming with us.
Okay. 
Come on.
We don't have much time.
This is SHIELD 218.
We have the prisoners and are leaving HYDRA airspace.
Whew.
Well done, Coulson.
Agent Weaver, have our jets fire when ready.
Be careful!
Hello?
Sounds like you made it out okay.
I'm surprised you didn't join us.
I thought it might be in my best interest to find an exit that wouldn't, oh, land me in a cell afterwards.
Or, you know, my brain erased.
Well, I'm glad you made it out all right.
Yeah, we both know that's not true, Coulson.
You want to tell me what this call's really about?
I always knew the team wasn't gonna forgive me.
Some people just don't deserve forgiveness.
But Kara?
She does.
That's why I've returned her to SHIELD.
- Ward, there's ...
- She was a good agent... a good person.
Then HYDRA ambushed her safe house and took that from her ...
took everything.
Whitehall broke her, and I've tried to fix her, but...  ... I'm just not the right man for it.
Just not enough good left inside me.
- She deserves better.
- I'll see what I can do.
I know you'll do the right thing.
HYDRA didn't just disconnect your leg.
- It's, like...
- They dismantled it.
It'll take serious man-hours to reattach it.
I wish I had the equipment to fix it here.
- Just tell me someone does.
- There's a facility.
We've already gotten in touch, so they'll be ready for you straightaway.
- How'd you guys find us, anyway?
- Bakshi, if you can believe it.
Ward got him to lead us right in.
Yeah? 
I didn't see Bakshi.
What happened to him?
He didn't make it.
Come on, Lincoln.
Wake up.
Sir, the attack team's on their way back.
They report the entire HYDRA base has been destroyed.
- Good.
- There was no sign of this Dr. List.
He may have escaped.
Sir?
Are you ... 
Are you okay?
She's still dangerous.
- We're all dangerous.
- It's okay.
She's in our custody, and we got what we wanted.
- What we wanted?
- Enhanced people here on the base.
That's why you were willing to go along with Coulson's plan.
You wanted the enhanced people he'd rescue.
I didn't expect Skye, but we have her and one of her friends.
Maybe we can learn how many are out there.
- You're gonna hold Skye here?
- Of course I am.
- I think that we need to discuss this.
- Discuss what?
- What are we discussing now?
- Time to honor our agreement.
Here you go.
Unlocked and all yours.
Go nuts. 
At least until Fury shows up and asks for it back.
Oh. 
Spoiler alert.
Oh.
Hey. 
I have to take this.
Hi. 
Can you hang on a second?
I bet Gonzales wasn't happy when you said he wasn't invited to this chat.
Yeah, well, I wasn't too happy when he blew a hole in my base and kicked me out.
We all live with disappointment, and right now, we have bigger problems.
Does that mean you found it?
I figured you'd visit me again.
I spoke to Gordon.
I think we should discuss your visions.
Specifically, I'd like to discuss how you used them to convince Skye to run off and rescue Lincoln.
I didn't convince Skye.
I just told her what was gonna happen.
It was dangerous and it was foolish, and it won't happen again.
From now on, any decisions based on your gift
- will be made by me.
- It's funny.
I was just thinking, who decided you should have final say in all the decions around here?
- Raina...
- I'm just saying, maybe the time has come for someone else to ...
I'm guessing HYDRA doesn't know
Loki's scepter was the weapon that killed me, but I bet they know it can control minds.
In their hands, that's catastrophic.
Coulson, please tell me you know where it is.
Segovia. 
I'm pretty sure List is headed there right now.
Raina.
Raina, talk to me.
I see...
a scepter.
Beautiful...
dangerous...
It isn't finished yet.
So much destruction.
I've just sent you everything I found on Strucker's location.
Coulson, why didn't you just tell Gonzales why you really wanted to get onto the HYDRA base?
Believe it or not, he puts every decision to a vote.
I know.
And I was pretty sure if I'd been honest,
I'd have lost the swing vote, so I did what I had to do.
Last thing.
Theta Protocol ... is it ready?
Yes, it is.
Time to bring in the Avengers.
It's terrible.
- Jiaying, it was...
- What? 
What was it?
Consequences are upon us.
Men made of metal will tear our cities apart.
And the world will be changed forever.

[serene music] [video game tones]
Laurie, andy, fetus.
Thank you for joining me here today
In this calm, meditative space.
I've gathered you here because I think it's--
Can you stop playing bejeweled for ten seconds?
There's no--there's no wrong way to meditate.
- She told me that.
- Give me your phone.
Well, there sort of is.
- Give me this.
- What? 
Don't take my phone.
- Give me this.
- I'm not 12 years old.
- You can't take it.
- Oh, oh, oh.
See, I think this is actually going to be a really good time
To finalize the plans for your babymoon 'cause I think the babymoon is really going to ease
The considerable tension that I feel
Between the two of you.
Perhaps even eliminate it.
What--what ideas--
What plan have you come up with?
Have you decided?
We have.
We're having a staycation.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
We're going to ship the kids off to my folks,
Order some salads in, and some spa treatments.
Salads?
And for 48 glorious hours,
That house will be ours again.
Well, that sounds lovely, doesn't it?
Wha--what about my plan though?
Because, look, you get free buffet breakfast
In a superior room.
Okay, an expired groupon
To the mgm grand is not a plan, andy.
I'm not hauling my pregnant ass up and down some vegas casino.
Vegas! 
Vegas!
Who said vegas?
Honestly, the airport is fogged in right now,
But flights are going in about an hour.
We can go out of oakland.
False alarm, will.
No one's going to vegas.
Andy and laurie are having a babymoon staycation, will.
Stop making up words.
Andy, are you really going to let laurie
Bully you out of a trip to vegas?
- Come on.
- It's not--
It's not bullying.
It's just--it's--
That's right, andy.
No, it's not.
And you know what?
We just want to be alone
In our house.
Your house smells like poop and feet and vomit.
I am a professional doula, and I am currently doulaing,
- Do you have a license?
- You can't institutionalize
- Healing, will.
- Oh, really? 
What's a doctor?
That's a different beast.
Andy, let me ask you something.
If you're not being bullied,
Why don't you have a say in any of this?
Why don't I ever get a say in our vacations?
Let's see, um, do the words
"bicycle trip through laos" ring a bell?
That was 12 years ago!
And we got on the news.
We got sars!
The is the considerable tension
I was talking about eliminating.
Andy, I am putting my swollen foot down.
- Staycation.
- House arrest.
Tension elimination.
You know what?
I got a foot too.
My foot is going to vegas.
Okay, fine.
Go to vegas.
That's fine.
I'm gonna be here
On my staycation with fiona.
Thank you, will.
In all my years--months,
Hold on one second, someone's talking.
You put the reservation under will freeman,
And I'll take a double bed by the elevator
Per usual.
Is this stephanie?
Here we go.
[brett dennen's comeback kid (that'smydog)]
¶ well, maybe it's the common curse ¶
¶ maybe things get bad before they get worse ¶
¶ I don't want to become someone ¶
¶ who can't live up to what I already done, don't ¶
¶ here comes a comeback ¶
¶ the kid is back, is back on track ¶
¶ and there goes my hero ¶
¶ he's the underdog, he's coming out on top, and ¶ [cheers and applause]
Our date is saved.
I found the knitting kit.
"sharcus"?
It's our couples name.
You know, shea plus marcus...
Sharcus.
You know, I already did most of the heavy lifting,
Maybe we could embroider some flourishes together.
Sorry, marcus.
I don't have time.
I have to read this book.
For school.
Great idea.
You know, I was gonna suggest a couple of study sessions
But I didn't want things to move too fast.
Uh, what's the subject?
Um, this isn't a school book.
Forget it.
You wouldn't understand.
"wouldn't understand"?
I read above the 12th grade reading level.
You know, I just finished ladies of loom:
A complete history of wool and the women who shaped it.
And you know, it was actually--
It's not that kind of book.
It's about adult relationships.
You wouldn't be able to handle it, so stop asking.
Come on, julio, work the instep.
These feet are walking for two.
Ooooh, that's the sweet spot.
Laurie, may I share something with you?
If it's about anything other than this man's hands
On my feet, then no.
I would like to thank you for this serene experience.
But as your doula, I do feel a bit guilty
About taking andy's place.
Shh!
You see, I do think it should be andy
Experiencing the joys of julio's hands.
Andy hates massages.
He had a bad experience falling asleep at the ymca.
Come on, julio, we're not in an oil drought.
Slather it on.
All right, baby, I got the whole itinerary planned out.
Day one:
Poker, whiskey, steak.
Day two:
Poker, whiskey, steak.
Am I missing anything?
- The angry rabbit.
- The angry rabbit?
Is that an awesome meal, or a terrible strip club?
No, it is--
What are we doing?
No, we're not doing that.
All right, let's go grab a couple of single malts
And hit the tables.
[clapping]
No.
What do you mean "no"?
No.
I don't want to do that.
I mean, I just stared down a laurie so full of hormones
She bit the head off her toothbrush.
I'm not gonna be controlled anymore.
Not by her, and--and not by you.
I don't control you.
Come on.
- Yes, you do.
- Let's go.
Every single time we go to vegas
We follow will's plan.
We play will's games, and we drink will's drinks.
Poker and whiskey aren't will's plan,
They're god's plan.
This time we're following andy's plan.
Hey, bartender, two kahlua mudslides.
Extra whipped cream.
This is so sick.
I always dreamt about hanging out in the angry rabbit.
It's where all the masters hang out.
Magic milton,
Astounding amos,
Ichiro the invisible.
[gong echoes]
-Arigato.
- [laughing]
- So cool!
- This place is not cool, dude.
The place is like ocean 0.
Oh, my god.
Hey, psst.
If that's who I think it is, we gotta say hi.
I prefer not to speak to anyone, andy.
Oh, my god.
It's andini.
And if anybody asks, you are my assistant.
Oh, no one's going to ask, dude.
Excuse me. 
Hi.
Sir, um,
Sorry to bother you, but are you dennis the deceiver?
I am what I am.
Or am I?
Just like in your show.
As a young illusionist, I always dreamed about
Going to your elite college of magic.
Oh, you're an alumnus?
Why didn't you say so?
Sit down, kid.
Give him a drink.
No, I'm not.
Not an alumnus.
I-I applied.
I just didn't get in.
Andy, who doesn't get in to magic school?
A lot of people.
It's very competitive.
Competitive?
It was magic school, kid,
Not dartmouth.
We accepted anybody whose tuition check cleared.
That's not true because
I actually got a rejection letter.
My wife showed it to me.
I'll never forget the feeling when I opened it.
We didn't have rejection letters.
Oh, my god.
She faked it.
Laurie faked the letter.
She denied my dream of pursuing the cape,
And she took it away,
Just like she takes everything away from me.
Buddy, maybe you'd feel better anywhere else than here.
You okay, son?
No.
I'm better than okay.
[chuckles]
Because laurie's not gonna control me anymore, dennis.
I'm free.
Bartender, a round of mudslides for all free men!
I'm not a free man.
I'll take a scotch in a to-go cup.
Oof. 
This book is so much better than married life.
Andy's idea of erotic adventure
Is sex with the tv off.
Laurie, I-I think you might have missed the intent
Of the babymoon.
Maybe for you, but do you really think eyebrow sculpting
Is andy's idea of a good time?
[sighs] okay, maybe the staycation
Is a little me-focused, but so what?
I mean, I'm the one having the damn baby.
Shh!
It's the third trimester.
- Fetus has ears.
- If it's anything like
My other three children, it's not listening.
I have to be stuck in the office every day
While my idiot husband gets to do whatever he wants
Including faking his vasectomy.
Andy is a stay-at-home dad,
So maybe the idea of staying home for the weekend
Was like the idea of you staying at the office all weekend.
And he is an idiot, but he's your idiot.
And he does love you.
You're having a lovely new baby.
[sighs]
Crap.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mostly gentlemen,
I, for my next trick,
Will make this bottle of tequila disappear.
Andy, come on.
All right.
Let's say good-bye to gandalf
And dumbledore over there and let's go.
We're leaving.
Come on.
I'm not leaving.
I'm not going back to the hotel,
And I'm not going back to san francisco.
From now on, the angry rabbit is my home.
Andy, you are literally talking about
Running away and joining the circus.
- Come on, we're going.
- Andy is dead.
- Let's go.
- From now on, it's just andini,
Master of illusion.
Okay, andini-- andini, let--we're--
Andy.
[gong echoes]
Or am I?
Andy!
[phone ringing]
- Hello?
- Well, I've done it.
With a little skill and a lot of compassion,
I've mended the rift between andy and laurie.
And actually, we're coming to vegas to celebrate.
So I can't wait to hear what andy has to say about that.
Can you put him on?
Where is he?
That is a surprisingly complicated question
At the moment.
Is it?
Ah. 
Please remember to tip your waitresses
And, uh, don't forget to eat the veal.
Will?
- Andy!
- What?
What the hell, man?
I've been looking everywhere for you.
Shh. 
Stop yelling.
Where were you call night?
That depends.
Where am I right now?
Outside our hotel.
Oh, no.
I did something bad.
I did something really bad.
You spent $10,000 on this?
It all happened so quick.
One second I'm having a mudslide with my hero,
Next thing you know, I'm buying his entire act.
Is that dried blood?
"irishman's bottomless whiskey barrel."
"permanent siesta."
This is all gonna need some updating for 2015.
- What's in there?
- Dead rabbits.
I can't believe he lied to me.
His name was dennis the deceiver.
$10,000 was our nest egg for the new baby.
I mean, laurie's gonna murder me.
She's gonna murder me.
The only question is
How is she going to do it?
Because she's smart.
She'll make the whole thing look like an accident.
Whatever you do, do not let her take me on a boat.
This might not be a good time,
But I have a little something to tell you.
Andy!
Do not admit anything.
I can fix this.
- How?
- I'll think of something,
All right?
- Andy.
- I'm sorry.
No, no, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Honey, I've been selfish and totally unfair to you.
You have?
I've ignored your needs
And I've taken you for granted.
I want this babymoon to be a new beginning for us.
- [chuckles] - we're in vegas.
Let's renew our vows!
[chuckles] that's great.
- Will, I need help.
- Get in line, amigo.
All right, I can't go into specifics,
But let's say there's something I'm not allowed to see,
But if I don't see it, I may lose my girlfriend.
Okay, I understood absolutely none of that.
But you're in vegas, buddy, okay?
If it's not illegal, I say go for it, all right?
All right.
I'm gonna read that book.
- Book?
- She's killing me, man.
She's being nice to you.
I know, and it's horrible.
The guilt is driving me insane.
[squeals] I booked the chapel.
- [squeals] - [chuckles]
Why does your beard taste like whipped cream?
'cause I'm so sweet on you.
Okay, much as this place reeks of sin and desperation,
And I am just talking about the hallway,
It's so good that andy and laurie
Really did get together for their babymoon.
Andy got hammered and spent their entire nest egg
On magic tricks.
Are you trying to get them divorced?
Shh! 
Will you shut up?
Listen to me, okay?
We can argue all day about whose fault this is--
It's your fault.
I have a plan.
And I'd like your help.
- Oh, you need my help.
- Let's go.
[growls] [effi's bloom playing]
¶ ¶
¶ you say I'm hired ¶
¶ as hired as a good man can be ¶
¶ but, baby ¶
¶ I am too tired ¶
¶ to work for you all day on my knees ¶
¶ and I say lady, don't be so hasty ¶
¶ you ain't gonna nail me ¶
¶ with all your loving ¶
¶ 'cause all, all I need ¶
¶ is my heart going boom boom boom ¶
¶ all, all I want ¶
¶ is my heart going boom boom boom ¶
¶ all, all I need ¶
¶ is my heart going boom boom boom ¶
¶ all, all I want ¶
¶ is my heart going boom boom boom ¶
¶ ¶
¶ ooooh ¶
¶ you say I'm hired ¶
¶ to work for you under your sheets ¶
¶ but, honey ¶
¶ I am too tired ¶
¶ to go down and to deal with the heat ¶
¶ and I say lady, don't be so hasty ¶
¶ you ain't gonna nail me ¶
¶ with all your loving ¶
¶ cause all, all I need ¶
¶ is my heart going boom boom boom ¶
¶ all, all I want ¶
¶ is my heart going boom boom boom ¶
¶ all, all I need ¶
¶ is my heart going boom boom boom ¶
¶ all, all I want ¶
¶ is my heart going boom boom boom ¶
¶ ¶
¶ ooooh ¶
¶ you say I'm hired ¶
¶ to work for you under your sheets ¶
¶ but honey ¶
¶ I am too tired ¶
¶ to go down and to deal with the heat ¶
¶ and I say lady, don't be so hasty ¶
¶ you ain't gonna nail me ¶
¶ with all your loving ¶
¶ 'cause all, all I need ¶
¶ is my heart going boom boom boom ¶
¶ all, all I want ¶
¶ is my heart going ¶
¶ ¶
Hey!
You guys get the money?
Yeah. 
We might have got a bit cocky.
In our defense though, if we'd bet on black,
All your problems would be solved,
And my friend, I'd have a jacuzzi.
That's not helping.
I'm so screwed, you guys.
- I am so screwed.
- He is. 
He actually is.
[organ music playing]
Andrew,
From this day forward, I vow
To always listen to you.
And to trust you.
No more second-guessing, and always expecting the worst.
No more belittling you.
I am going to appreciate you
For the amazing husband, father, and--
Honey, last night
I got super drunk on mudslides
And I spent our entire baby's nest egg
On a storage locker full of racist stage illusions.
And I love you.
With all the growth laurie's made this past weekend,
I think we could expect to see a positive reaction.
- Honey?
- We should be wearing goggles.
Honey?
Honey?
- Honey, please--.
- [growls]
- [grunting] 
- I deserve it.
This isn't all on me.
You're the one who stole my destiny.
Oh, come on, andy.
I wrote that magician school rejection letter
Because guess what, andy?
You are a terrible magician.
Take that back!
12 years of marriage,
You have never guessed my card.
That's not true because I guess your card
Every single time.
Oh, you do?
[chuckles] 2 of spades?
Oh.
Oh, my gosh, andy.
How did you know?
It's amazing!
Do it again, andy!
Do it again!
I'm gonna be sick.
Oh, my god.
Looks like you took a big, fat doula on this one.
Oh, you're the one that brought him to vegas.
Don't you dare blame vegas.
Ever.
That's it!
I can't take this book anymore.
What's the matter, darling?
What--is this the book you've been talking about?
Fireandsilk.
How much of that did you read?
Every filthy word.
If this smut is what adult relationships are about,
Then I'm not ready.
Sharcus is through.
Now it's just shh and arcus.
Well, that book isn't what adult relationships are like, marcus.
- It's not?
- No, of course not. 
It-- [mouthing words]
- What?
[both mouthing words]
Yeah, your mom is right, marcus.
Uh, adult relationships are all about,
- [mouthing] what?
- [whispering] communication.
Communication.
They're about communication.
That's what they're about.
That's right.
And good communication
Requires trust and honesty.
You really care about shea, don't you?
- Yeah.
- And you want to be around
- For the new baby, right?
- What?
- No, I mean, you know...
- [mouthing words]
You need to have
A calm, open,
Truthful conversation where you talk,
And more importantly, you listen.
Listening is so key, fiona.
That's a great point.
[mouthing words]
Wait, um, I can't hear anything.
Wait. 
Am I going deaf?
Oh, you think we got through to them?
Yeah, I think I got through to them.
Now everything's out in the open,
They can rebuild from a place of honesty and--
That might be a bit of a journey.
Ah, but they're already--
Yeah, maybe give it a week.
Maybe longer.
Shea, I really like being your boyfriend.
But if this is the kind of adult relationship you want,
And frankly, is we're talking about this stuff on page 148,
Probably never gonna be ready.
I'm not ready either.
You're not?
No.
No, when you caught me reading this,
I was so embarrassed.
So you--you don't want to do the stuff in the book?
No, no. 
Gross.
This book is crazy.
Like what they did in the gazebo?
I know! 
And--and when they were kissing with their tongues?
Ugh. 
What is that, right?
You mean french kissing?
Uh, th--duh, you know.
The book is set in portugal
So, you know, that's why it threw me.
Yeah.
It's set in portugal.
You're weird, marcus.
Yeah, but not like-- not like "gazebo weird."
So this is just temporary, right?
Just a little, you know, bump in the road
Before you're back with laurie?
Dude, trust me.
You're not gonna notice
I'm here.
(will) I might notice a little bit.
Well, come on.
Looked like so much less stuff in the storage locker.
Dude, come on!
[dog barking]

Here's your check, Mr. ZZ and Mr. Top.
Would you like a to-go box, or are you just gonna put it in your beard with the rest of your sandwich?
We're in a beard-growing contest.
They happen all over the country.
It's a pretty big deal.
What's first prize?
Blindfold for your girlfriends?
I'm kidding, I know you don't have girlfriends.
Actually, this level of hair-art takes months of hard work and commitment.
Well, quack, quack, Duck Dynasty.
My left armpit could beat you both.
Let me tell you something on behalf of women everywhere.
We. 
Don't. 
Like. 
Beards.
Caroline? 
Beards?
(Caroline) I never liked being one.
Ladies, if his name is Trace, get the hell out of there.
See? 
So, shave losers.
If you're chinless or chin-plentiful, it's better than what you've got going on.
There's your tip, be generous with mine.
You actually insult people and then expect them to give you money?
That's how it works with you and me.
(Peter Bjorn and John) ♪ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ♪ 2 Broke Girls - 04x12 And the Knock-Off Knockout
♪ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ♪
Thanks.
Everyone's loving our new cupcake T-shirts.
I've sold four in the last hour.
Three more and we can afford that towel we've had our eye on.
These T-shirts keep selling.
That means more money.
Mo' means mo' success.
Mo' Success?
I think I dated his cousin, Les.
Hey, everybody.
Mind if I stop for a breather?
I've been "briding" my ass off.
Sophie, are those all your bridal magazines?
That's only half.
Come on, Oleg!
Look, if those are too heavy, how are you going to be able to push the wedding donkey down the aisle?
Wedding donkey?
My excitement level for this wedding just skyrocketed.
Relax, Sophie.
If I know how to do anything, it's how to move an ass.
That's true. 
Yeah.
Wow, you're carrying more heavy issues than Amanda Bynes.
Look at all these. 
Beautiful Bride,
Modern Bride, City Bride?
And do you really need African American Bride?
Well, I haven't ruled out cornrows.
Cornrows and a donkey?
RSVP yes.
Oh, yeah.
This one's hot.
Save that one for later.
Oh, I forgot I'm getting married.
Keep her.
I might need a Tuesday off.
Sophie, why don't you get some help from your Maid of Honor?
I will kill you.
Or a wedding planner?
Oh, Sophie, my cousin, Svetlana, is a wedding planner.
Okay, but she better be good.
Because I want everything to be perfect on my big day.
Our big day.
Yeah. 
Sure.
I can't believe this.
They're getting married and I don't have a wedding donkey anywhere on my horizon.
OMG, you sell these T-shirts?
I just bought one.
Did I jut sell you that shirt and already forgot?
I knew that nine-cent deodorant was going to give me brain lesions.
Well, the label did have a picture of a brain with "No Bueno" written on it.
No, I bought it at a store in Manhattan on East Ninth and Broadway.
I know because I'm OCD and it was 67 steps and 14 sidewalk cracks from the corner.
Max, someone else is selling our shirts.
I know.
We're getting hosed by some other hoes.
I can't believe they stole our shirt.
The one thing we made that people actually wanted to buy.
I feel like Myspace.
I haven't seen anything this upsetting in a window since that time I accidentally caught a reflection of myself in my waitress uniform.
We need to talk to someone about those damn shirts you jacked.
We about to rumble.
What she means is, we wish to speak to someone about the adorable cupcake T-shirts in the window.
Or, we will be about to rumble.
I'm just working here till I get my PhD in the Eco-Social Dynamics of Western Civilization.
So, forever?
Those T-shirts are our design and we need to know why they're here and who knocked them off.
It's the granddaughter of the woman who owns this shop.
She's kind of a monster and she's walking in right now.
Hi, Kemberly and Ashlin.
These ladies are interested in your T-shirts.
Aren't they cute?
So cute.
Yeah, super cute.
We designed them.
Yeah, we designed them.
What?
Yeah, what?
Ashlin and Kimberly, is it?
It's Kemberly, with an "E""
I changed it myself 'cause I'm original.
Yeah, she's an original.
You know what's not original?
Those shirts. 
You stole them from us.
We did not steal your idea.
Yeah, we did not steal your idea.
We copied it from this lame cupcake shop in Brooklyn.
Wait a minute... we have a lame cupcake shop in Brooklyn.
Ashlin, you talk too much.
This is why everyone knows about my lap-band.
I think they know about it because you lost 200 pounds over Spring break.
It's hard to believe she was once twice this obnoxious.
If you don't stop selling our T-shirts, we're gonna have to get our lawyer involved.
Yeah, we're gonna have to get our lawyer involved.
And he's gonna kill you.
I don't know what lawyers do.
We're totally not doing this for us.
We're rich.
Yeah, we're rich.
A percentage of every shirt that we sell goes to charity.
Yeah, it goes to charity.
We are the charity that it needs to go to.
You're old and desperate for money.
And I totally get it.
My aunt's one of the Real Housewives of New York.
But, sorry.
It's the one without the leg.
What just happened here?
That girl just called you old.
Earl, I don't think I'm going to be buying you that pinky ring you wanted any time soon.
No rush Max, you got plenty of time.
I got like, six or seven months before I turn to dust.
It's 'cause our T-shirts got ripped off by a couple of prep school girls in Manhattan.
It's like a bad 80's movie.
I don't know whether to date James Spader or teach this town how to dance.
This is so unfair.
Those girls can't just steal from us.
This isn't 7-Eleven.
Max, I can't believe your naiveté.
What does my body spray have to do with anything?
Look, there is no reason to be so upset about those two girls.
They're not going to affect our business.
Plus, they have to live with themselves.
And karma is a bitch.
I mean, I littered once and look what happened to me.
Hey, everybody.
I'm up to my nuts in bridal junk.
[bell dings]
There she is.
The love of my life.
The yin to my yang.
The zing to my wang.
Save that gold for the vows.
I am Svetlana, Oleg's cousin.
Well, darling, it could be worse.
You could be his sister.
Svetty!
And you must be Sophie.
Yeah.
No.
But you haven't even heard any ideas.
Caroline.
Sophie, why did you just say my name?
Oh, it's Oleg's and my safe word.
Yeah. 
It means no.
It's the one word we both agreed we would never say during sex.
Are you sure?
Because I give free oil change with every wedding.
Caroline.
All right, well, I'll be in my booth.
You know, this wedding planner thing is as crappy as the movie of the same name.
Girls, I forgot to tell you, a man came by today with this letter for you.
This reminds me of when I was a young, hot-shot courier.
I was a young, hot-shot courier once, too.
I used to deliver drugs to my mother at work on my tricycle.
Oh, my God, Max, you're not gonna believe this, but those two girls have issued a Cease and Desist order.
Those bitches.
What's that?
They're saying we have to stop selling our T-shirts.
That's what I told them we were going to do.
They even copied this idea.
We need to get a lawyer.
How? 
We can't even afford Law  Order on iTunes.
Hey, do you think we could afford that lawyer on the subway billboards?
The one who has a gavel in one hand and a chicken in the other?
I think he just does acidentes.
What is going on here?
There's food waiting in the window, periodicals strewn about.
Someone's on his periodical.
Han, we just got served.
At least someone in the diner has.
You're lucky your boss is so chill.
Of course you're chill, you're one of Mr. Popper's penguins.
How about this?
We'll do the jobs you already pay us for if you agree to pretend to be our lawyer.
You have a suit, right?
Why would I pretend to be a lawyer?
You can't even pretend to be waitresses.
No one's gonna believe Han's our lawyer, anyway.
He can't pass the bar, he can barely see over one.
That's it! 
I've had it with you two and your non-work ethic.
And this area is for customers.
I want these out of here!
(Max) Ow!
Uh-oh.
Max?
I suppose I could dig up a suit if that could, somehow, make this boss striking his employee thing go away.
Max, of course these girls go to Dalby Hall, all my archenemies did.
I guess Lady Gaga won in the end, though.
In other news, I kind of like this eye-patch.
I know you do, you were pretending to be the pirate queen of the subway.
Well, no one arrrrrgued with us.
How long did the eye doctor say you have to keep it on?
And by eye doctor, I mean that first-year med student we gave the free dessert to.
A few days, which is a bummer, 'cause only seeing half of how sad we are is kind of a blessing.
How are we gonna find them?
Follow the scent of our decaying T-shirts business?
According to Instagram, they're in the cafeteria, see?
Ashlin just posted a pic of a mini-pizza.
# Thatpizzalife
They have mini-pizzas here?
My high school didn't even have heat.
Sorry I'm late. 
I had to pick up a suit at the Men's Warehouse.
Don't you mean the Not Quite A Man's Warehouse?
Han, I love your lawyer costume.
So authentic.
Only thing missing is the hole where your soul should be.
Well, as I always say, if you're going to do something...
Do it with your left hand so it will feel like someone else?
No, if you're going to do something, do it right.
Last Halloween, I went as Sprout from the Green Giant commercial and I even put pea pods over my pee-pee.
You laugh, but I won $500.
Okay, I created my own Cease and Desist order.
Where did you get this?
Same place Max printed out that fake,
"I don't have herpe"" doctor certificate.
It works.
And here's your business card.
Where? 
Where is it?
I can't see.
Here. 
And Han, I hope you're a better actor than Max.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is a better actor than Max.
Mr. Lu Su?
That's what you came up with?
Mr. Lu Su?
Well, you're a lawyer, so the "Su" part is totally on point.
But Lu Su?
No Asian was ever named that.
Maybe not in this galaxy, but might I remind you of a Mr. Sulu.
Oh, yeah. 
I mixed it up. 
Genius!
Han, you don't have to use the cards.
I can make it work.
Two Halloweens ago, I was an Ewok and turned an orange bath-towel into a turban.
Second place. $250.
And next Halloween, you can wear that and goes as a lesbian minister.
Okay, so the plan is, we go in there and calmly confront them with our attorney.
I'll do the talking.
Han, you stand there and try to look smart.
Ah. 
I'm already Asian. 
So, done.
[indistinct chatter]
Wow, this brings me back.
I had a seat at the popular table, the Debate Team table, the Student Council table, and the Waiting For Marriage table.
But that table kind of fell apart when everybody got pregnant but me.
I ate in the school parking lot with a wino.
He was so nice to me, I thought he might be my dad.
But then he never made a move on me, so I guess he wasn't.
(Kemberly) Attention everyone, attention.
Yeah, attention everyone, attention.
Ashlin and I are here today to sell our T-shirts and to talk about bullying and how it's not cool.
It's so not cool.
I was talking, Ash.
Yeah, she was talking.
Their charity is bullying?
That's like Kanye West trying to raise money for laying low.
A $3 donation will be made to our anti-bullying fund with each purchase of one of our super, super cute tees.
Super, super cute tees.
My super cute tee!
Best idea I ever had.
Right up there with the bong with a chin strap so you could be hands-free to change the channel.
So buy a shirt right now and then we'll be back later for the rest of the anti-bully talk.
Yeah, buy them or my dad won't pay for the lacrosse equipment this year.
Let's go. 
They are making a fortune on us.
And if I'm gonna get screwed, it better be by someone over 21
Yeah, that sounds like a job with a two drink minimum.
Han, don't mess this up or you'll be eating those glasses.
Might I interest you in an anti-bullying pamphlet?
Might I interest you in a seat on my finger?
Hey, how did you two get in here?
The school pays guards out front to keep out the homeless.
Yeah, well, jokes on you.
'Cause they just let us walk in.
Hello, girls. 
You can "Cease and Desis""
selling our T-shirts as of now.
This is our attorney, Mr...
Lu Su.
And he is holding our Cease and Desist to counter your Cease and Desist.
Okay, well, first, your lawyer looks like a teacher on a Disney show.
Is that a bad thing?
And if you have anything further to say, you can take it up with my lawyer. 
Her dad.
And he's real good.
He got that CEO guy who admitted he killed his whole family out on a technicality.
I forgot how mean girls can be.
How? 
I'm your roommate.
Thank you, Kemberly. 
Thank you, Ashlin.
A little help.
Hello, girls, you all look very nice.
What is he doing?
Hopefully a tight ten and then he'll bring up the headliner.
This may be hard to believe, looking at me in this totally awesome suit, but I know a little something about being bullied.
As a little child...
And as a slightly bigger adult.
Seriously? 
In the middle of his bullying speech, your bullying?
Kind of surprised even myself.
I have someone who bullies me.
Okay, let's get out of here while I can.
It's not just the hitting and the name-calling.
Although, not gonna lie, that's a real bummer.
You see, girls, the bad thing about being bullied is that every time it happens, it steals a little piece of who you are.
And then, if it happens enough, little by little, you become just a little less of who you were meant to be.
And that's not cool.
And these two girls up here, without knowing it, I'm sure, stole a little piece of Max and Caroline.
When they stole their little idea.
And that's so not cool.
Yeah, that's so not cool.
Max, Caroline, we'll stop making the shirts.
Ash, I never said that.
Ah, no, Kemberly. 
I did.
And I liked you more before the lap-band.
When you were still Kimberly with an "I."
[gasping] [cheering]
Max, did Han just save us?
I wasn't listening, I was putting mini-pizzas in my pocket.
Girls, your shift started 40 minutes ago.
What are you doing here so early?
Earl, good news. 
We are now the sole owners of all those cupcake T-shirts.
And, literally, nothing else.
Maybe I could rent a parrot and pick up some shifts at Long John Silver's.
Hey, girls.
I'm about to meet another wedding planner.
And this one's gonna be good!
He's gay.
Sophie Kuchenski?
Yes, God!
From the second I walked in here, I said to myself,
"That has to be her." And I can see it.
We're going to make magic together.
Yeah, what's gay for no?
Okay.
Wow, I think we just survived a "torgaydo""
Where am I gonna find another gay wedding planner in New York now?
Just throw a tantrum in a Crate  Barrel, and five of them will come running.
Hey, nice legal work today.
You should be on the Little People's Court.
Yeah, from now on, I'm calling you "Hanny Cochran""
Okay. 
Next time you want to thank me, just send me an Edible Arrangement.
I don't know many times I have to drop that hint.
But that's just, like, a two-inch drop.
Sorry. 
I can't help myself.
But, I'm gonna to try.
Because I know I was that bullie you were taliking about on that speech.
What? 
I was talking about the doorwoman in my building.
I have to submit to a purple-nurple just to get my mail.
There's another woman?
Max, I think Han has a side bully.
Well, I'll just have to try harder.
Because if anyone is gonna mercilessly nurple you into an early grave, it's got to be me.
I'd like to think so, Max
You'd also like to ride in a car facing forwards.
Back to normal.

IA'
[indistinct chatter]
[William] What went we out into this wilderness to find?
Leaving our country, kindred our father's houses?
We travailed a vast ocean...
For what? 
For what'?
[Governor] We must ask thee to be silent.
[William] Was it not for the pure and faithful dispensation of the Gospels
-and ihe Kingdom of God?
-[Deputy governor] No more!
We are your judges, and not you ours.
[William] I cannot bejudged by false Christians, for I have done nothing save preach Christ through gospel.
[Governor] Must you continue to dishonor the laws of (he commonwealth and the church with your prideful conceit?
[William] If my conscience sees it fit.
[Governor] Then shall you be banished from this plantations liberties!
[William] I would be glad on it.
[Governor] Then take your leave and trouble us no further.
[William] How sadly hath the Lord testified against you.
Katherine.
Thomasin.
Come.
[Katherine] I will confess Jehovah with all head tn secret and in assembly of {he just... singing continues, distant
[dogs barking]
I here confess I've lived in sin.
I've been idle of my work, disobedient to my parents, neglectful of my prayer.
I have, in secret, played upon my Sabbath.
And broken every one of thy commandments in thought.
Followed the desires of mine own will, and not the Holy Spirit.
I know I deserve more shame and misery in this fife and everlasting hellfire.
But I beg Thee...
for the sake of Thy Son... forgive me, show me mercy, show me Thy light.
[baby crying]
Thomasin.
Frhomasin] Boo!
[laughing] There you are, there you are.
Boo!
[giggling]
Where is Sam?
Where is Sam?
Where is that little man'?
_Boo!
[giggling]
There you are, there you are.
[giggling]
Boo!
Sam.
Samuel!
[baby fussing]
[sobbing]
[sobbing continues]
[moans]
[moans]
Thomasin.
[crying]
Sleep.
All will be well, sleep.
[crying] [rooster crows]
[praying indistinct]
[rooster crows]
Caleb.
God give you good morrow.
All are still a-bed.
Save Mother.
Tis no ease to rise on a gray day.
The Devil holds fast your eyelids.
- I'll wake em.
- No, lei em be.
Thy Mothefs not slept a night since...
We can search no more, Caleb.
We cannot.
If not a wolf, then hunger would have taken him yet.
Let's to the wood.
Been a'layin traps for some while now, even before this new misery.
Within the wood?
Will thou not help thy father?
You and Mother have always forbade us to set foot there.
Caleb, our harvest cannot last the winter.
We must catch our food if we cannot grow it.
We will conquer this wilderness.
It will not consume us.
[children playing]
[whispering prayers]
[crying]
[William] Aren't thou then born a sinner?
[Caleb] Aye, I was conceived in sin and born in iniquity.
[William] Then what is thy birth sin?
Adam's sin imputed to me and a corrupt nature dwelling within me.
[William] Well remembered, Caleb, very well.
And canst thou tell me what thy corrupt nature is?
My corrupt nature is empty of grace, bent unto sin, only unto sin and that continually.
[William] Soft now.
We must lay it again.
Was, was Samuel born a sinner?
Aye.
Am I then--
We pray he hath entered God's Kingdom.
What wickedness hath he done?
Place faith in God, Caleb.
We'll speak no more on thy brother.
Why?
He hath disappeared, not one week passed.
Yet you and Mother utter not his name.
He's gone, Caleb.
- Tell me!
- Tell thee what?
- Is he in hell?
- Caleb!
Mother will not stop her prayer.
And if I died, if I died this day...
- What is this'?
- I ought evil in me heart.
- Me sins are not pardoned!
- Thou an youngly yet--
And if God will not hear my prayers?
!
- Caleb!
- Tell me!
Look you, I love thee marvelous well, but '(is God alone, not man, what knows who is the son of Abraham and who is not, who is good and who is evil.
Fain would I tell thee Sam sleeps in Jesus, that thou wilt, that I will.
But I cannot tell thee that.
None can.
Caleb?
Where are these from?
From Indian Tom and old Slater, when last they past through.
What did you trade?
Thy Mother's silver cup.
[egg cracks]
Speak none of this to Mother. 
None.
She's overwrought already.
I'll tell her of the cup when her grief has passed.
Let's not speak on this again.
Aye.
[whistling]
Fowler!
Fool of an animal.
Fowler!
[1109 barks]
Fowler, what's this?
[dog barking]
Praise be to God.
Make haste, Caleb.
[dog barking]
Fie upon't!
- Fa(her, it died.
- The other end.
[dog barking]
{gun shot] 
Father?
Father!
[Qfoans]
Fowler.
Black Phillip, Black Phillip, a crown grows on his head
Black Phillip, Black Phillip to nanny queen is wed
Jump to the fence post...
- Jonas! 
Mercy! 
Come hither!
- Black Phillip, Black Phillip
King of all...
Jonas! 
Mercy!
Black Phillip, Black Phillip, king of sky and land
Black Phillip, Black Phillip, king of sea and sand
We are ye servants, we are ye men
Black Phillip eats the lions from the lions' den.
Black Phillip, Black Phillip, a crown grows on his head... [dog barking]
Get back!
You two, stop that!
Phillip, back!
[kids screaming]
[Katherine] Heavens bless us!
[dog barking]
Caleb, hold the gate.
Caleb!
[growling] Get in!
Oh.
[laughing]
I'll have thee quiet.
Wither were you and Caleb this morn?
How could you disappear?
And thee, I told thee to keep watch of Jonas and Mercy.
I was, and I bade them help me and they paid me no mind.
- I was a-getting." 
- What's the matter with thee, Thomasin?
What is the matter with thee'?
Take thy father's rags to the brook and wash them.
- They would pay me no mind.
- And brush out his woolens.
Help him!
Wee one, it gave me such a fright to find thee gone.
I will not be left here alone.
Dost hear?
A morning's work is well behindhand.
Jonas, leave thy sister be.
- She likes it.
- William.
What, can't a father spend Godly time with his son?
Jonas!
- Father said stop it.
- Thomasin!
"Slop 
- Stop m
Each of ya, stop it.
Thomasin, take the twins inside.
[both] No!
Get inside, get inside, get inside.
As you like.
We went to find apples!
In the valley.
I thought I seen an apple tree in the valley.
Father brought the gun, for if we glanced that wolf--
Why did you not tell me?
Father wanted it a surprise, to cheer you, and."
but there were none.
I thought I seen em.
[sigh]
I like you not outside the farm, even to the valley.
Dost hear me?
Caleb, be a good lad and get some water for thy Mother.
Stray not from the brook.
Why are you dallying?
What then'?
What?
Caleb? 
Caleb!
Stop it.
I meant no harm in it.
Whats the matter with thee?
Come hither.
Whats the matter with thee, eh'?
Shh.
I've seen no apples since we went from England.
I would thou hadst found them.
I so wish for one.
[makes biting sound] [laughing]
[rustling]
Hear that?
Aye.
Who's there?
[Mercy] I be the Witch of the Wood!
Mercy, come out.
I be not Mercy,
I be the Witch of the Wood and I have come to steal ye.
Hear me stick a-flying through the trees:
C I ickety-clackity, clickety-clackity!
- Mercy!
- Clickety-clackity.
Why is't when thou dost a wrong,
I be a-washin Father's clothes like a slave,
-and thou an playing idle?
Because Mother hates you.
Spoilt child. 
I'll tell Mother you've left the farm alone,
Black Phillip saith I can do what I like.
Devil take your Black Phillip.
It's your fault I can't leave the yard.
I could go to the brook before you let The Witch take Sam.
- Quiet, thee.
- It were a wolf stole Sam.
Awitch. 
I've seen her in her riding cloak, about the wood.
- Father showed me the tracks.
-It was a witch.
Aye, it was a witch, Mercy, you speak aright.
- Thomasin!
-It was I.
Liar.
Twas I what stole him, I be the witch of the wood.
- Liar! 
Liar!
- I am.
List not to her, Mercy.
I am that very witch.
When I sleep, my spirit slips away from my body and dances naked with The Devil.
- That's how I signed his book.
- No.
He bade me bring him an unbaptized babe, so I stole Sam and I gave him to me master.
And I'll make any man or thing else vanish I like.
- No.
- Aye.
And I'll vanish thee, too, if thou displeaseth me.
- Be quiet!
- Mercy, she's but telling fantasies.
Perchance I boil and bake thee since we're lack of food.
- No!
- Stop, Thomasin!
-L'ts not true!
-It is, thou thing!
How I crave to sink my teeth into thy pink flesh.
[screaming]
If ever thou tellst thy Mother of this,
I'll witch thee and thy Mother!
And Jonas too!
- Caleb!
- Stop thy tears and swear by silence.
- I swear it.
-You'll not tell Mother nor father.
- I swear.
- Thomasin! 
Let her alone.
Get away from her, Caleb, or she'll witch thee!
Why tell Mercy those horrible fantasies?
- Dost thou haie me now too?
-It was a wolf stole Sam.
Leave me be. 
Go tell Mother and father of my wickedness.
- Thomasin...
- I hate thy pity. 
I need it not.
And forgive us the sins we have this day committed against thee, free us from the shame and torment which are due unto us, Father.
We beseech thee, increase our faith in the promise of the Gospel, our fear of thy name and the hatred of all our sins, that we may be assured that the Holy Spirit dwells in us.
That we might be thy children in thy love and mercy, but as we hunger for this food of our bodies so our souls hunger for the food of eternal life.
Finish soon our days of sin, and bring us to eternal peace through the purifying blood of Thy Son, our Lord and only Savior Jesus Christ.
- Amen.
-[All] Amen.
Thomasin, what's thou done with the silver cup?
flhomasin] ls't not on the shelf?
Nay.
In the six board, then.
T'ain't there neither.
It's been disappeared for some while.
Didst lose it?
I've not touched it.
Where has it gone then?
[Thomasin] I haven't touched it.
[Katherine] I've caught thee trifling with it before.
She says she haven't touched it, Katherine.
How thou couldst lose my father's silver wine cup in this hovel,
- I cannot know.
- I haven't touched it.
Peace, child. 
It's gone.
Did a wolf vanish that too'?
She haven't touched it, Katherine.
What is amiss on this farm? 
Hmm?
It is not natural.
Caleb, will thou read out a chapter of the Word tonight?
We must find some light in our darkness.
Tomorrow we will have a fast day but for our sins.
[sheep bleating]
Thomasin, dist not bed them down before supper?
Baah, baah.
[laughing]
[door creaking] [sheep bleating]
[rustling]
Oh, Holy and blessed Spirit, be with me and dwell in me heart.
You must sleep tonight, Kate.
This night and evermore, amen.
Thou dost rememberl love thee?
[sniffing]
I do.
List me, Kate,
I fear thou dost look too much upon this affliction.
We must turn our thoughts towards God, not to ourselves.
He hath never taken a child from us.
Never a one, Kate.
Who might earn such grace?
We have been grateful of God's love.
[Katherine] He hath cursed this family.
No.
He hath taken us into a very low condition to humble us and to show us more of His grace.
Was not Christ lead into the wilderness to be ill met by the Devil?
We should ne'er have left the plantation,
Kate.
- We should never have left!
- That damned church.
- There's naught hither!
- Well, what need we? 
Silver chalices?
How dare you chide me on a cup?
Tis not for vanity that I am grieved of it.
[sniffing]
Katherine, I must tell thee-- 
- We might have sold it.
- What?
What fool would trade for our corn'?
[sniffing]
List me, our daughter hath begat the sign of her womanhood.
Thomasin? 
Caleb?
Are you abed?
Mercy?
Jonas'?
She's old enough.
She must leave to serve another family.
[William] Twas not her fault.
Kate, I must tell thee...
[Katherine] Aye, it was thine for taking thy family hither.
[William] This is Godly land.
[Katherine] Godly?
Our children are being fostered up like savages.
[William] Kate!
[Katherine] How oft I begged and begged thee to take Samuel for baptism?
[William] They'd not baptize outside the congregation.
[Katherine] Our Sam is in hell!
[William] Go to.
[Katherine] God save us, Caleb is well.
[William] We must keep him still.
And Thomasin.
[Katherine] Our corn is trash!
[William] We cannot back to that church.
[Katherine] We will starve!
[William] Peace, peace.
You'll wake them, peace.
[Katherine crying throughout]
[William] I'll lo the village with the horse and Thomasin tomorrow.
The Tildens or the Whythings, they can make use of her.
They're good folk.
Stop, Kale.
We will find food, I know it.
Frhomasin] Caleb?
What are you doing?
Go to sleep.
What is this'?
Tell me, now.
- Running away then?
- No.
- Lie not to me.
- I don't.
Then what?
Tell me!
If thou went back to sleep and kept silent of this,
I promise thee, you'll need not leave to serve the Tildens nor any family else.
I'll be back by mid-day.
- Well, let me along with ya.
-No.
- Let me along.
- I cannot.
If you don't let me along with ya,
I'll wake Mother and father this instant.
Well?
Aye, but we did!
- Nay.
- We did!
No.
We had glass windows in England.
We haven't been hither so long you can forget that.
As you like, Thomasin?
You've gone mad.
Dost not remember Fowler laying on the floor in the sun?
- You must!
- Nay,
And where the sun would shine, would he warm himself.
Remember once he lay upon the table, and father saw him and he saith,
"We will have him for meat!
Kale! 
Kate!
We will roast this beast."
You must remember that!
[Caleb] I rememberthat day, but no glass.
Well... it was pretty.
[dog barking]
What is't, boy?
[Caleb] Burt, calm thee!
Fowler! 
Nay, Fowler!
Stand here with Bun.
- Caleb, no.
- I'll straight back.
He's gone mad!
[Yelps]
- Thomasin!
- Caleb!
- Thomasi n!
-Thomasi n!
- Caleb!
- Caleb!
- Thomasin!
- Caleb!
[William] Thomasin!
- Thomasin!
- Caleb!
[heavy breathing]
Thomasin!
[attempted whistling]
Fowler!
[heavy breathing]
O God, my Lord, I now begin, o help me and I'll leave my sin.
For I repentant now shall be, From evil I will turn to Thee.
None ever shall destroy my faith, nor do I mind what Satan saith.
O God, my Lord, I now begin, O, help me and I'll leave my sin,
For I repentant now shall be, from evil I will turn to Thee.
None ever shall destroy my faith, nor do I mind what Satan saith.
O God, my Lord, I now begin, O help me and I-- [dog barking] [dog screaming]
Caleb!
Caleb!
- Caleb!
- Father!
Thomasin.
Oh, my girl, my girl.
Where is thy brother?
[thunderstorm] [heavy breathing]
What's the matter with thee, Thomasin?
Whats the matter with thee?
I'll set off at first light.
I'll not return until I've found him.
T'would be better to go to the village to raise up help, I cannot--
[William] Tis a day's ride and I have no horse.
There's no time to be lost.
Likely you should have left this morn, (hen.
You have no gun, William, nay, not even a dog.
- Be not a fool!
- I am a fool to go.
There is none will help this family.
Let me be!
The moon is bright, the rain bothers me not.
I'll be back in a two-day, if any a man will return with me.
- Don't go, Father!
- Enough!
Tell us why you went to the wood.
- I promised.
- I care not!
Let me find favor in your eyes.
Oh, child, tell me and I will!
L, um...
[Katherine] Speak!
L...
I took thy father's cup.
I sold it.
Forgive me, Kale.
Forgive me, Thomasin.
What is this?
Katherine, I must make confession.
I yestermorn took Caleb 10 lhe wood.
Twas for food, and the pelts for money, good money.
I knew you were false!
I knew it!
I meant it as a surprise, that is why I kept secret.
I will trap that wolf, Kate.
You stood by whilst our son lied to rne!
Twas for thy sake!
I love thee, Kate.
- You took him to the woods!
- I will find him!
You've broken God's covenant' You're a liar.
And you've lost another child.
- I will go now.
- You cannot escape the woods.
I will find him!
And kill thyself too?
Will Jonas be the man of the house?
Will you damn all your family to death?
!
Katherine!
- Let go of me!
[crying]
Picking apples.
Mother, have the goats been bedded down yet?
- Nay.
- I'll to it.
Let it wait til the morrow.
They dare not escape with this rain.
[Thomasin] Nay, I'll to it.
Please you, Mother.
Come hither, child.
Hurry back.
[humming]
[rustling]
[gasps]
Caleb... [breathing heavily]
Father!
Caleb, Caleb...
Shh.
[Katherine] Oh, merciful Father, both the Lord and giver of life.
Thy sole, Jesus Christ, we beseech thee.
Look down from Heaven upon him with those eyes of grace and compassion.
Pity thy wounded servant... [rain falling]
Baa, baa. 
Baa, baa, baa.
What ails Caleb, Black Phillip'?
What ails him?
Did Thomasin make 'im sick in the wood?
What say you?
Black Phillip says you are wicked.
Aye, he told me too.
Damn your Black Phillip.
He says you put the Devil in Caleb, that's why he's sick.
I'd never hurt Caleb, nor Sam, nor thee.
- You beat me.
- T'was a jest.
- You said you'd eat of me.
- Mercy!
Mother and Father will find out.
- What?
- That you are a witch!
[goats bleat]
Thomasin!
Thomasin?
[Splash]
[Splash]
[Praying softly]
Dost remember John Kempe's son?
That first winter, he was tormented of Indian magic.
'Us not the same.
- This is unnatural providence.
- I know not that.
Look at thy son.
- Will.
- What?
- Think!
- Think what?
- Think!
- I have no thoughts.
Does this not look like witchcraft?
What witch?
Who does this then? 
Who?
Thy thoughts are as a child.
What are you doing?
We'll back to (he plantation in the morning.
Find a good family for Thomasin, take Caleb to the doctor's.
He'll tell if this be some natural ill or not.
Yet we cannot return as beggars.
I'll scour the field. 
There must be some fruit yet untouched by this rot.
I beseech thee, Katherine, what canst thou do for him presently?
How might we all bare it to the village with no horse?
Well, the little corn and the goat should fetch a fair price.
We'll... 
We'll back with Caleb and sell them, return with the horse for the twins and Thomasin.
- You cannot leave them here!
- Thomasin and thee...
Oh, forget the crop, Will!
What?
!
What dost thou want, Katherine?
Tell me and I will give it thee.
I want to be home.
Thou shall be home, by candle-time tomorrow.
In England.
[Katherine subs and sighs]
Oh, Will...
I also have a confession to make.
I never meant to be a shrew to thee.
[sobs]
I have become as Job's wife, I know it.
[sobs]
But since Sam, since...
My heart has turned to stone.
[sigh]
I dreamed once, fwas when I was of Thomasin's years, that I was with Christ upon Earth.
Oh, I was so very near Him.
And in many tears for the assurance of the pardon of me sins,
And I was so ravaged with His love towards me,
I thought it far exceeding the affection of the kindest husband.
And since Samuel disappeared I have such a sad weakness of faith, I cannot shake it.
I cannot see Christ's help as near.
I pray and I pray, but I cannot.
I fear I cannot ever feel that same measure of love again.
Thou shall have of it in Heaven.
I'll be in field.
If you can spare a while, do.
We'll leave at dawn.
I promise thee that.
Jonas, Mercy, come hither!
Speak not a word!
New" Biack Phillip is a merry, merry king
- He rules the land with mirth...
- Thomasin: 
I cannot abide your songs.
Please you, Mercy.
Black Phillip has a mighty, mighty sting
He 'll knock thee to the Earth
Sing bah, bah, King Phillip, the black
- Sing bah, bah, bah, bah, bah 
- Thomasin: 
Peace, thou thing!
Mercy. 
Thornasin.
[Mercy] Sing bah, bah, King Phillip, the black
- He'll knock thee on thy back!
- Thomasina: 
Enough!
[scream]
Come.
Get the broadaxe and cutoff her head.
Get the narrow axe and cutoff her head.
Get the broadaxe and cutoff her head.
Get the narrow axe and cutoff her head.
[gasps]
She's upon me!
She kneels!
My bowels!
My stomach!
She pinches!
[yelling indistinct]
Sin! 
Sin! 
Sin!
Thomasin, take the children outside.
What dues (his to thee?
What does this?
His mouth has sealed up.
Oh, God, William!
William! 
Get him up!
Hold him!
Children, away from this!
Thomasin, help!
[William grunting]
You'll break his jaws.
[Mercy] Father!
What is...?
[gruni] [choking] [heavy breathing]
[Katherine] William... 
He is witched!
-'Tis she!
- No!
- What horrible fancy is this?
- She told me she stole Sam!
Silence!
She gave him to the Devil in the wood!
- They lie!
- What say you?
She turned Flora's milk to blood!
She had bade us keep secret from you!
-It was but a jest to quiet her, I-- 
- She made bargain with Satan!
- She signed his book!
Silence!
Don't let her near me!
She'll put a curse on me!
- They conspire against me.
- Thomasin is a witch!
Nay, I'll not hear it.
I'll have proof, or Heaven help thee.
On thy knees!
Look me in the eye, daughter.
- Dost thou love the word of God?
- Yes.
Love you The Bible?
Love you prayer?
Yes. 
Yes!
We are children of sin all, yet I tell thee, I have raised up no witch in this house.
Let us pray, then we need fear nothing.
We shall never lie open to the wicked one.
Pray for thy brother.
- You must believe us!
- Evil wretches!
- Thomasi n!
-[screams]
Pray.
[all] Our Father, which art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name...
Jonas, pray.
I... 
I cannot remember my prayer.
[moans]
- What?
- Nor I. I cannot.
What nonsense is this?
Speak, children.
Our Father, which art in Heaven...
-[cries] -...hallowed be thy name [both crying] Stop it! 
Stop it!
Pray, you beasts.
[cries]
- Get on thy knees and pray!
- Thomasi n!
-[screams]
I don't hear this. 
This is not so.
[screams] [gasps]
It's her!
A cat.
A crow.
A raven. 
A three-legged dog. 
A wolf!
[moans] She desires of my blood.
She desires of my blood.
- Satan upon me!
- She desires of my blood!
[all the children speaking over one another]
She sends 'em upon me.
My Lord, my Jesus!
Save me!
- Think on Christ!
- She sends her devils!
I am thine enemy, wallowing in the blood of my sins!
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want
He maketh me to lie in green pastures, and leadeth me by the still water...
[Caleb] I am thine enemy... [prayers overlap]
I am thine enemy, wallowing on the blood and filth of my sin!
-...
I will fear no evil -[Caleb]: 
For thou art with me.
[panting]
I told you SNC has some new sponsorship.
- Now look if you...
- No, Kara, you look.
I'm just going with the flow, right?
I'm just staying in my lane.
I'm enjoying the fact that you and I, we don't fight anymore.
And I'm loving oh all of the perks of just going with the flow.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, okay I mean I used to have a clothing allowance, that was fine.
But now that I'm playing nice, SNC's paying for a stylist.
Life is good.
I'm all right.
Okay. 
And where you going?
Don't worry about where I'm going.
No, no, no I saw some pictures on Gawker of you and the anchor Reg going out.
Nice, I guess you forgot to call me on that one, huh?
No or maybe we knew what the answer would be.
- Where did my life go?
- Prime time.
Look the stories, they're fine, okay?
Go home.
- There's a snotty nose waiting for you.
- Yeah.
See you tomorrow.
♪ Argh!
I'm almost there.
Trying to work something out back there, huh?
Thought you forgot the safe word.
Is he choking me, what?
You need to talk, babe?
Huh?
You need anything?
Babe?
I got 30 minutes, I can listen.
Uh, okay, um, oh.
Shi... okay, okay, okay. 
Okay, okay.
I'm all right.
It's okay, it's okay.
Just breathe. 
Just breathe.
- I was up with him all night long.
- What are you gonna do now?
Are you gonna get rid of your boo?
He is not my boo, he is just someone I do.
I have my own issues to deal with.
Between my face and my family, it's too much.
And you know, seizures aren't sexy.
No they're... no, no.
That's... you shouldn't say that.
Any way, um.
Is that Mark?
Oh my God.
Oh my God, oh my, oh.
- Oh my God, are you okay?
- No, my blurred out penis is breaking the internet.
I'm sorry, baby.
I thought you said the club was safe.
It is, it is, I was the one that was sloppy in the parking lot kissing like a freakin' school girl.
Well this, this would, this would suggest it was, it was a little more than that.
Damn, Mary Jane, I can't believe this is happening.
Bright side, baby, you are very well endowed and it could have been cold out.
That's not funny, Mary Jane.
Maybe it will just blow over, you know, like passing gossip.
Look, look at Michael Sam, huh?
Michael Sam.
I am not trying to make anyone's NFL roster.
Why, who, why, what the hell does he have to do with...
His story forced America to have the conversation.
What are you talking about?
He was interviewed by Oprah so you know.
He was on the cover of "Go" and, and "Sports Illustrated."
Gay is the new black, honey.
You might as well embrace it.
You know what I'm trying to figure out what is the most offensive part about what you just said.
Thinking that Michael Sam and I are comparative in any way, or that gay is trendy.
Well it kind of is.
It is.
I'm merely suggesting it's not that big of a deal.
And, baby, blog news is not real news, okay?
Mary Jane, gossip and public opinion is more powerful than truth these days.
Even you and I check TMZ and
Twitter before the "New York Times," every single morning.
Hey, Mark, Greg's asking for you.
Not that big of a deal.
Listen, Mark, we respect you keeping your private life from interfering with your work.
Now it's our understanding these photographs were published without your approval.
So our legal team is doing everything that we can to get these images removed.
It appears you've done nothing wrong.
Now you have to understand that this information's already gotten out there.
It's gonna be hard to fight that.
But the good news is the public seems to be responding with support and sympathy for you.
And we want to do much the same.
Well, thank you.
Um, we think this is a great opportunity.
We can work together through this, it's a win-win.
Now you tell him, Jacob.
Mr. Bradley, Jacob, V.P. of Marketing.
- How are you?
- We've been looking at the data, and if support stays this strong through the end of the day, we're thinking a three-day promotional campaign for your official comments and on-air coming out.
This will put you in a great position to start next week strong.
From there, we'll introduce the audience to a new segment within your show where we'll hand-pick lifestyle pieces that bridge
LBGTQ issues and foreign policy.
You want to build a bridge?
We want you to win, Mark.
Thank you, Jacob, thank you.
Okay with gay marriage still a topical issue, we want to use you more during our election coverage.
It will broaden your audience, you scope up your news cast, your salary.
Oh.
Oh wow.
I do foreign policy.
I am not interested in being the face of gay politics.
All I want to do is my international coverage, as planned, and my show.
Mark you knew when this information came out, that we couldn't risk sending you overseas.
What are you talking about, Greg?
We have a planned series.
I am required to be on the ground in Syria and Nigeria.
I've been planning this for weeks, Greg.
You know this.
They are kidnapping and killing journalists left and right there, Mark.
The last thing that we need to do is to send a recently outted reporter in the middle of hostile territory.
I tell you what, I'll get a body guard.
I'll pay for it.
Hell I'll pay for everybody.
Additional insurance for myself, the crew, and all of the equipment, Greg.
Okay wait, wait, this isn't up for debate, Mark. 
Sending you under these new conditions is not an option.
It's off the table.
Greg.
It's SNC's call.
You have some nerve...
You know what, Greg?
If we can't have a sensible discussion about my upward mobility in this company and my international coverage... 
I quit.
- Mark?
- That's my call.
And you say policies like AB-60 and immigration reform cause those estimates to rise even further?
Yes, exactly.
Well indirectly.
California now joins nine other states, Puerto Rico and D.C.
in opening the application process to any resident, regardless of their legal status.
The facts are that a driver's license or new legal status for immigrants, won't make them eligible to vote overnight.
But the logic follows that they can win over support.
Over 24 million Hispanics are eligible to vote in this country.
And with large populations in
Florida, Texas, and California, initiatives like this are a big factor.
Particularly in the swing states.
In Florida alone, we've seen the majority of Hispanics swing from being Republicans to Democrats in, in under a decade.
You know we've got to be very careful not to overstate that case.
At the end of the day, giving immigrants driver's licenses may save them from a few roadway fines, but it isn't a license to vote.
It isn't Federal identification, it isn't proof of citizenship.
What we're really talking about here, what we must honestly assess, is how much good this really does for anybody.
I mean other than government.
Government is really good at collecting fees for processing for renewals, for insurance, but that gets us away from the more important issues.
Can we talk about redistricting?
Can we talk about even if you have the proper I.D.
in some states, they're still targeting lower income and middle income voters?
Can we talk about North
Carolina, where they've cut the number of early voting days from 17 down to 10.
You can't tell me that these laws have anything to do with voter fraud.
I want to get back to what
Antonio was saying, because flaws and all, the G.O.P.
has not given up trying to, to win over part of the Hispanic contingency, right?
Right, right, no not, not at all.
Former Puerto Rican governor Luis G. Fortuna is a member of the
Republican National committee.
And he's been leading the charge and steering the conversation away from immigration reform.
Instead he encourages his candidates to focus on job creation and smaller government.
Issues that are important to Hispanic American voters.
Trading one distraction for another.
Well yeah, maybe yes.
It will take some time for the
Latino voters to harness the power of their numbers.
But nevertheless there is power there.
Just so we're clear, this is just like the black vote.
It will be a political football at first, before it has any modicum of political power.
Now that's just the fact of the matter.
You present the false choice between either having them fight for you, or ignore you altogether, and there is no power in either of those things.
Wow, great debate.
My thanks to Antonio Casales,
Goldie Taylor, and to you the viewers.
Please don't forget to register to vote.
The deadline is quickly approaching.
I hope to see you again tomorrow.
From SNC, I'm Mary Jane Paul.
Goodnight.
- Thanks, everyone, great show.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much, appreciate it.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Ahem.
- Ooh.
- What happened?
I thought we were gonna get into it like we used to do on talk back.
Welcome to prime time.
You know I get you, sis.
But we still need you, sis.
And we need you highlighting our issues.
Mark quit, did you hear?
I'm sure he just said that in the heat of the moment.
He loves the network, and I know he loves his job so...
Well he certainly gave me a different impression in our meeting.
Look I just want to help him.
Help me help him.
I haven't talked to Mark so I don't know.
Yeah but you will.
And when you do, can you make sure that he knows that SNC wants him?
Needs him.
Seriously, we can't afford to lose him.
With you moving from talk back, he's the strongest day time show we have.
Wow.
Really fighting for him.
Not as hard as I fought for you.
Maybe I misjudged the situation.
I mean I honestly didn't think you had my back.
I mean you're not exactly warm and fuzzy, Greg.
- Is this supposed to be an apology?
- I thought that was in there?
- Yeah, right.
- Point taken.
I'm sorry, Greg.
That took a lot out of you.
Look you're a tough woman, Mary Jane.
And I never underestimate that.
I count on you to win, and not expect to have a pat on the back every step of the way.
I do a lot of hand holding around here already.
You are the face of the network now.
With all the good and pressure that comes with it.
Embrace it.
- Greg?
- Yeah?
Thank you.
See?
White guys aren't so bad after all.
What are you still doing here?
Isn't it kind of late for you?
Following up on some story leads.
They haven't found a place for me yet, so I'm just making sure they see my efforts.
Stay in the mix, you know?
- Be seen.
- Mmm.
Yeah go home.
No brownie points here if you ain't got nothing to do.
You're still here.
Yes I am, because I'm needed.
Oh.
What do you have against me?
I have done nothing to you.
No but you hurt us coming up in here through your little quota program.
I heard Antonio beg for you to get this job.
So you see, Marisol, that's not a win, that's a setback.
- How?
- How?
Because like you, Antonio got his air time because of a threat, not because he's qualified.
Perhaps we are qualified, we just don't get the opportunities.
Mmm.
Are you sure you didn't get your job because of a quota?
Because the word on the street about you is that you are successful because you're a pretty decent producer they get for cheap.
Is that progress, you working up here like a dog for 14 plus hours a day for 65% of the pay?
And you think prancing up here like a little freakin' chaquita banana to the Boss is progress?
Let me tell you something, baby girl, you want to impress here, you gotta use this.
Oh, you know what? 
Screw you.
Oh you've already done that.
And all my freakin' hard work, and all the years it took me to get here.
In fact you screwed all our
Latino people who have busted their asses.
Okay, cause I'm sure you got a gardener or a maid in your background.
- You need to just...
- No you let me finish.
Cause you've also screwed all those little girls who look like us, and want to be us.
So do you want them to buy a book, or some crotch-less panties?
Yeah make a choice, Marisol, all right?
You're trying to win, but you can't win by quitting.
You're just reacting, honey, and, and that's exactly what they want you to do.
Over-react.
Well they're not gonna send me overseas anymore.
They want to re-vamp my show again.
Oh this time let's make it more gay, whatever the hell that means.
Consider it, I did the whole black thing and it helped me.
I mean at the very least, it's a means to an end.
That's not what they're offering me.
I don't have a problem doing the whole all black thing.
But race and sexuality are not the same.
You know that I'm black without me saying a word, the minute I start talking about gay issues and gay stories, no one's listening to me.
They're thinking about my ass.
You wish they were thinking about your ass.
Really?
I'm bearing my soul to you and you're making jokes?
I'm sorry.
Why do you have to go right now, huh?
You're talking about going to one of the most notoriously homophobic parts of the world, on the heels of coming out.
No, no, no, on the heels of being outed.
Semantics.
Honestly I'm worried about your safety.
I can't even wear a hoodie and walk down the street, or a college campus in any town U.S.A.
True.
But even the brothas in Bank Head ain't messing with Boko Haram, okay?
Honey please just pump the brakes on the helicopter and the flak jacket, and just talk to Greg, okay?
Talk to Greg.
- Remember that? 
- Our contract.
- Now listen, Ethel, I've tried to reason with you for the past two weeks.
Tried to be kind, but you wouldn't listen.
Now I'll tell you something.
I could make myself a piece of money out of that.
Here, take a look.
- Five thousand dollars.
- Sure I could cash in on this contract and I need the dough.
That's all I mean to you.
Dollars and cents.
I don't think I ever knew you until now.
The laugh's on me I guess.
You forget my part of the contract.
- Now you can collect.
- Well I'm glad you've decided...
Okay yeah, I can't. 
I'm sorry.
I tried, I can't.
We gotta talk about the elephant in the room.
Yeah I was kinda hoping we could pretend that didn't happen.
Seizures are nothing to play with, Brandon.
Look they just started two months ago.
And I'm trying to make a team.
Okay.
I have a physical next week, and if they find out, man, damn.
All I have is football.
You can go back to school.
That's what everybody says that never played pro.
Oh please, there are so many things that you could do.
Like what?
Huh?
I'm out of here.
Well text me when you get home so I know you made it.
Cool.
I mean I like him but I'm not like invested in him.
Huh?
I can't deal with his life and his issues, it's too much, you know what I mean?
- Jason hooked this up.
- I know, right? 
He's so good.
It's nice to finally get some perks.
And look, if you're looking for permission to dump him, you have it.
It's like I know too much about him.
The mystery's gone.
Then let him go.
I mean you don't have to get dramatic to make excuses as to why you wanna keep having sex with a white boy you done found at the club.
I'm not embarrassed by him, it's just different for me.
It's 2015, Mary Jane.
I know.
It is still new to me.
Have you ever been with a white boy?
- Girl yeah.
- When?
During my experimental phase.
Wait hold on, I never saw any reason to venture back to the bologna pony either.
Oh okay.
Well for the record, I have not had sex with a white boy yet, I just, I just let him feel me up.
And why not?
Because I just had sex with Cuddy this week.
And if I let the other guy do more than feel me up, I'm a hoe.
Absolutely not, you're grown is what you are.
Do what you wanna do.
Okay so what's, what's the hoe threshold?
How much sex and blow jobs and, and feel me ups am I allowed before I'm officially a hoe?
See that's the thing, all of our math is different, so that
- makes our judgments different.
- Oh geez.
Okay so, um, you're queen for the day.
Make an international hoe off.
Okay well all right, well if your partner count is in the single digits, then you're practically a virgin.
Okay so I'm not a virgin.
Continue.
All right, all right well, um, let's see.
Um, how about, um, three sucks equals one smash.
- Okay, okay.
- I'm just saying.
So if a woman gives head to, to 12 guys, she's no more hoe than the woman who sleeps with 4 different men?
Okay damn you and the math, but more or less.
Eww, I'm a little bit more judicious about who I give the whole enchilada to but I have, child, given my fair show of blow jobs.
- I like them. 
- Mmm.
- Kill me, I like them.
No it's all right, just don't drink off my glass.
I'm just saying.
But you know, live it, be proud about it.
I am, that's why I told you.
I'm not gonna InstaGram it.
No but you got to live that thing.
I mean if it's something that you love to do, and you're obviously good at it, then you just, I mean you're not married, so why not?
You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah.
- And hell, the longer we stay single, and we keep having sex, somebody is gonna call us a hoe anyway.
And I do like sex.
Yes, child, yes, child.
- Yes, yes.
- Two snaps for sex.
I love sex too and that's why you got me over here.
Cause I can validate your wretched, your wretchedness, your wretched.
Guilty.
- Get myself on that team.
- Guilty.
But you know what?
Being single is so tricky, you know what I mean?
You, you go for it.
Oh I've gone for it.
You go on a date, you like them.
You, you, you, you finally after debating with yourself how long you should wait, you have sex with him.
And then it's eh.
Or you're like me and you freakin' used to skip over the, the whole over-thinking thing, and you go straight to the sex with him.
And he blows your freakin' mind, and you're like oh my God, this is a sign.
You try to turn it into love.
And then he starts treating you like eh, and then your numbers begin to multiple.
And you're like now I'm onto the next one.
Now how did I get to ten guys in the last six months?
It just gets away from you, doesn't it?
- Yeah it gets away from you.
- It just gets away from you.
Okay, okay, so, so okay I just, I just had a thought.
I think you should be able to reset your hoe button if you make it to 35 and you've never been married.
Ooh I like where you're going with that, cause it kinda, it kinda evens the playing field.
Yes.
Cause I know way too many hoes that get to reset their hoe button when somebody publicly claims their butt.
Uh-huh, and then they pop out a baby, and cue the angels.
Because now they are born again.
First at the alter.
I know what you and your vagina have been doing.
You tried to turn that thing inside out.
I know, you's a hoe.
You's a hoe.
You a hoe with a baby shower, you're still a hoe.
What are you talking about?
Are you kidding me?
But now can you wear white?
You can't wear white.
Okay, queen of international hoe-I am.
If you got a reset, would you still be a hoe?
Let's see, my fingers, my toes, your fingers, your toes times five.
Yes, completely, I'm a hoe.
You's a hoe.
- That's all right, I'm proud of it.
- Good.
- That's all right, yes.
- I miss you.
Thank you for coming to check on me.
I miss you too, pumpkin, that's why I'm here.
So just take advantage of the fact that they think most black women can't do anything right, mm-kay?
And go ahead and I say be wrong.
Be strong and wrong.
The mounting intolerance towards Muslims only perpetuates radicalism.
And this rhetoric about Islamisation of the west is what we agreed needed a fresh voice.
From Isis to Isil, Boko Haram to
Al-Qaeda, people don't know the difference.
For most folk, they're all just Islamic extremists.
We're supposed to be dedicated to informing the public, and this series is a key part of doing that.
- Mark I can't.
- If I get killed over there, that will be good for ratings, right?
The point is, is that they said no.
They're not willing to take on the liability, plain and simple.
- They didn't make a counter.
- Said they'll send me to
Cleveland, to the Republic of National Convention Institute.
Can you believe that?
You know my dignity calls for more than they can afford.
I'm not a ratings boy.
I used to be so excited to go to work, to inform audiences about topics that nobody else would cover.
Getting kids excited about maps, you know?
Nobody's excited about maps.
I don't know, the hell with it.
I'm just gonna do it.
I'm gonna hire my own team, I'm just gonna do it.
I'm pretty sure there's plenty of journalists over there doing things independently.
What are you saying?
I'm saying I'm gonna fly to Nigeria.
We land in Lagos and then we move inland from there.
You're serious?
There's nothing tying me down here.
You're not gonna high-five me or encourage me, nothing?
- Do you really think it's, it's worth it?
- Yes.
Trying to save the world, it's worth it to you?
Yes, is it not to you?
I just think it's time to live a little and stop fighting.
You know leave it to the next crop of journalists.
What's going on with you?
Like a week ago you'd have been with me rioting in the streets.
Have they gotten to you already?
Like I know you're prime time, but you know better than anyone else that they're not letting us be real journalists.
We're puppets, Mary Jane.
Yeah well-paid puppets, and?
I'm a B-list celebrity and I like it, I love it.
And you know why?
People don't care about the truth.
Audiences are half asleep and I am exhausted.
I could tell those idiots I have the, the cure for cancer, they want to know about a Kardashian.
So why keep fighting a losing battle, huh?
Ever since I joined prime time, I, I stress less and I sleep more.
So why not enjoy the perks?
The accolades, the people finally catering to me for once.
Don't you think we deserve that now?
- At the cost of maps, no.
- Oh geez.
Okay, okay, well fine, Mark, fine.
I may be a sell-out but I'm, I'm finally getting what I want, so...
Wow.
I guess it's the difference between me and you, Mary Jane.
I'm not gonna give up, and I'm not gonna sell out.
- Welcome back.
- Thanks, uh, let's see, can I get a medium body Pinot Noir, whatever you suggest.
Of course.
Membership card please.
Right.
As a reminder, there is no use of cell phones or photography.
Of course.
Great show last night.
What?
Why'd you do that?
I wanted to know.
Well you ruined it.
Maybe, we'll see.
Martini, please.
♪ Rock 'n' roll ♪♪

Previously on "Justified"...
- What's our play?
- Walker's burned.
He's a rogue element.
Ain't nothing for him now.
It almost looks like somebody cut the boards away.
God damn, son, you got one hell of an eye.
Katherine:
You think that I was the rat?
Markham:
That was why I got out of here.
- Figured I was next.
- You've thought that all these years.
Why the hell would you want to marry me?
I made my peace with it.
- Were you the snitch?
- Of course not.
Well, somebody was, and what better way to get you thinking it can't have been him than to say he thinks it was you.
So, how about you come out, say what it is you got to say?
I'm a snitch.
I'm a C.I. for Raylan.
I understand what you did, why you did it.
I still... 
love you.
I love you, too, Boyd.
I'm saying I love you, and if you want it,
I want you by my side raising our daughter.
We gonna do this, then?
I don't see how we don't try.
- What do you give us, 50/50 shot?
- 51/49.
6x08 - "Dark As a Dungeon"
_
Sorry, Boyd. 
I would've called you sooner, but ...
- Where is he?
- He's down in the mine.
Not The Pig.
Where's Zachariah?
That's what I mean ...
he's down in the mine.
I thought you said he'd stopped working.
He did. 
Said to send you down as soon as you got here.
He wants to show you how it happened.
It's a damn shame about The Pig.
- He was a good man.
- Yeah.
Earl, I want you to get Ava home, and I don't want you to let her out of your sight.
- You understand?
- Yes, sir.
Come over here.
Look, I'll be there soon.
Meantime, you start looking around,
See what it is you want to take with you.
All this is over.
I supposed to pack anything for you?
We got the money.
I'll have you.
- Everything else, I can replace.
- Boyd.
You still have my phone.
This is our only pipeline to Raylan.
We got to use it wisely and in concert with each another.
You trust me?
You trust me?
Yes.
Earl.
Carl.
Do you wish to exhume all the plots?
Just the two ...
my parents.
And how long ago were they interred?
Her 2000, him last year.
And how about the manner in which they were buried?
I wasn't around, but I guarantee you he put her in the cheapest piece of shit available.
Likely an unvaulted wooden casket.
- Mm-hmm.
- And him?
I put him in the cheapest piece of shit available.
A word of caution, if I may.
What you're moving is not your mother's remains.
It is the idea of her remains.
You well may be digging up nothing but dirt.
- Then dig up the dirt.
- Very well.
The process can be labor-intensive.
We will supervise all the work, handle the state and municipal permits
- and all the transportation.
- Okay.
Now, you mentioned the new location
- is the town cemetery.
- Just for her.
Uh, and your father's final resting place?
Whatever works for you.
Uh, well, it's entirely up to you.
Potter's field?
What happened to your lawn?
Did I interrupt a goat sacrifice?
- Tim. 
What's up?
- Oh, leads on Walker's movements are coming from conflicting sources.
I petitioned Rachel I come back down, regroup the teams, re-evaluate the leads.
Dude, what happened to your lawn?
All right, so you're gonna work out here?
Good. 
You can watch the place while I'm gone.
- Oh, you're heading out?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, be a peach and run down a eyewitness out in London ... saw a suspicious character on her lawn.
I ain't working the manhunt.
Your 24 hours on the fainting couch are done.
I'm back to work.
I just ain't looking for Walker.
This have anything to do with him?
No ... a lead I came up with on my own.
- Unrelated to the Walker thing?
- Zachariah Randolph.
Let me guess ... 
local boy.
How come no one down here's ever named Steve or Justin?
Ava's kin, her maiden name being Randolph.
Practical question ...
When can I tell acting Chief Brooks to expect you back on job number one?
Getting Boyd Crowder is job number one.
The way he said it, you know?
Like last time I didn't do a good job or something.
Honestly, Earl, Boyd's got bigger things on his mind than to be angry at you.
I promise.
You locked the door.
I suppose it's just the three of us, then.
♪ On this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪
♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? 
♪
♪ I'm fighting for my soul, god, get at your boy ♪
♪ you try to bogard, fall back, I go hard ♪
♪ on this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪
♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? 
♪
♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪
Hey, there, Boyd.
Sorry about your man.
I don't give a shit about that man.
- How much?
- What's that?
How much you trying to shake me down for, Zachariah?
What the hell?
You think I'm quitting 'cause I want more money?
I'm quitting 'cause it's too goddamn dangerous!
Why I paid you $10,000 to do it.
- A man died, Boyd.
- A man you ain't known a goddamn week!
Well, I can see you really torn up about it.
Real leader of men, ain't ya?
It ain't the first man I've lost doing a job, Zachariah, and the job ain't over yet.
Now, how much?
Another 10 grand ought to do it.
I'll give you 5.
And you and Carl got two days to get to the bottom of that vault.
Might want to switch to dynamite sooner than we planned.
- That gonna cost me extra?
- Yeah. 
Gratis.
Now take another loop around.
Now tuck it under.
Tie it off.
You're gonna be tempted to leave that loose so as to allow a valiant escape.
You best perish that thought.
You got any duct tape?
- Got some over here.
- No, you don't.
That's where you had that nickel 9-milly.
I also moved the shotgun you had in that cupboard over there, in case that was the next place
- you wanted to say the duct tape was.
- In that case, guess I don't have any duct tape, Mr. Walker.
Now, before you make the risky decision to go for any other hidden gun I might have missed or to try for your drawers in the hopes that I failed to secure your cutlery, you should know this ...
- I'm not here to hurt you.
- Okay.
Or Boyd, either.
You don't believe me. 
I get that.
I'll explain why you should while we await Boyd's return.
But first...
I need you to stitch me up.
Zachariah Randolph?
- I am.
- Raylan Givens.
Dog Hole mine, 1990?
Joseph's Valley.
Joseph's Valley ...
long time ago.
You remember a digger named Boyd Crowder?
You Arlo Givens' boy, ain't you?
I am.
What line of work you in these days?
Now, look here, sonny.
I didn't have no dealings with your daddy, and, all due respect to your time on the Earth, I don't want no dealings with you, neither.
Yeah.
Most people don't.
What you got in that crate there?
Eh...
it ain't none of your affairs.
Man of principle?
"Dishonest man spreadeth strife," sayeth the Lord.
What's your rate?
- What's that?
- You're a whore.
What do you charge?
I'm just curious.
Now, look, I don't care who you are or what past we share.
You just go on, get out of here.
I know Boyd's paying you.
I open that crate, am I gonna find out what for?
Maybe what I'm doing ain't about money.
It's always about money.
Jesus Christ, the one thing every shit-apple redneck is guaranteed to take with both hands and left foot is money.
Maybe you in for a little surprise.
Maybe this ain't what you think it is.
Maybe it all ain't gonna turn out the way you think it will.
- Move.
- You gonna have to move me.
God damn you!
Damn it.
- You had enough?
- Yeah.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
- Got me pretty good.
- Well, I still got some scrap.
I guess it's the end of the line, ain't it?
I ain't gonna take you in.
- Thank you.
- Don't.
You're in deep shit either way.
- Where's Wynn?
- Oh, he'll be right out.
He spilled guacamole on his shirt.
- 9:30 in the morning?
- He loves guac.
Is there any ice?
Mikey, when was the last time you went to the dry cleaners?
I don't have a single clean shirt that goes with these pants.
- Thought I went Tuesday.
- Well ...
I don't have a lot of time.
I'm playing tennis with my shithead sister-in-law.
It'll be the fall of Saigon if I'm late.
Where do you play?
We should play doubles sometime.
I dated a tennis pro for a while.
- I'll go to the cleaners.
- You want proof Markham's the rat?
This is it?
Do you remember a gentleman by the name of Gordon Keith?
Maybe.
Uh... beard, wouldn't shut up about Lee Harvey Oswald?
- That's the one.
- Yeah, kind of wheels-off, if I remember.
If you read that file, you may also remember
- his weapon of choice is a shotgun.
- Simon Poole.
The U.S. Attorney, yes ...
shotgunned in the street.
Yeah, the feds keep trying to put that one on me.
The world's an unjust place, Katherine.
All right, so this indicts Avery how?
I'm getting to that.
Two days after your husband was put in lockup, the aforementioned Gordon Keith was picked up for shoplifting a bottle of vodka.
I happen to know Gordon Keith is not a vodka man.
Two days after Gordon's arrest, your husband is found dead in his cell.
Then, and only then, does Gordon Keith make bail.
Wynn, didn't Gordon Keith work for you?
He worked with me.
He worked for Avery Markham.
- And now?
- And now ... well, now he's dead.
- Convenient.
- Occupational hazard.
Well, I will read the file.
Hope it carries more weight than that rock on your finger.
Mm.
You know, Avery's getting sick of this mess in Harlan ... his men all dead, the place crawling with marshals now.
I was unable to reach Boyd last night, but when last we spoke, he was well aware of the urgency of the situation.
Yeah.
Then again, if he doesn't get it in time, maybe it's not the end of the world.
- Oh?
- I marry Avery, we take his money a year from now, two years from now ...
it doesn't really matter.
I'll have access to his entire bank account.
Seems like I'm a third wheel in that scenario.
I wouldn't be too anxious, Wynn.
I'm just thinking out loud.
You think Boyd'll go for it?
You're gonna have to wait and ask Boyd.
If he doesn't, there's no reason you and I couldn't go through with it ourselves.
Maybe Earl could help out.
You be up for that, Earl?
Oh, m...
Oh, my.
That was interesting.
Earl's pitiful life passed before his eyes. 
Didn't it, Earl?
All right, let's get back to it.
And this time, as discussed, please place the sutures a full quarter inch from the edge of the wound.
All right.
Ava?
Where you at, girl?
Boyd, you put it down.
I just came to talk.
If I wanted to hurt you, I would've done it already, don't you think?
I gave up guessing why people do what they do a long time ago.
Only way you're gonna get this gun out of my hand is with a bullet.
Are you really here to talk?
Why don't you... put it down?
Here.
All right.
Boyd.
Boyd, hold on.
You come into my house, put your hands on my fiancée?
I'm fine.
Boyd, he's telling the truth.
- Markham cut him loose.
- Good!
Then nobody'll give a shit when they find his rotten corpse at the bottom of a mine shaft.
- Wait!
- Boyd, wait!
He knows the combination to the vault.
My men are either dead or in the wind ...  every one of them.
Maybe the old man's there, maybe he's not, but he's one man.
He'll bring someone else in, but he hasn't had time to do it yet.
That vault is completely unguarded.
You don't think he's changed the combination by now?
Ah, there's not a smith in this state skilled enough to service that vault.
You're a careful man, Boyd, but you know full well my way's better than any scheme you've got cooking.
You trying to manipulate me, Mr. Walker?
'Cause I'm long past the point of needing my ego stroked.
Let's just say I don't see you pulling thrill-seeker holdups with a "born to lose" tattoo on your chest.
Well, me being a careful man, I got to ask ... why you want to help me so bad, Mr. Walker?
You mean, why didn't I sneak in there myself, line my pockets, get out of town?
It's that last part that's the problem, isn't it?
We got leos combing these hills ... hills that, for me, are unfamiliar terrain.
But not so unfamiliar to us.
That it?
I'm not trying to help you so much as help myself.
How do we know Boyd doesn't walk down into that basement, find himself surrounded by a dozen guns?
You're saying I got myself shot, risked my life coming in here, just to set you up?
It's a lot of effort just to dick you people over.
Could be you got yourself shot,
Avery Markham said, "you bring me Boyd Crowder,
I'll take you anywhere you want to go."
You're crossing the border from careful to paranoid now.
Well, if you'd mind be more paranoid... you wouldn't be in the situation you currently find yourself.
Yet, at some point, you have to trust me, or you have to shoot me.
Well, you're a lucky man, Mr. Walker.
Not two days ago,
I would've told you, "good night and good luck,"
- But circumstances have changed.
- Partners, then?
I don't need another partner.
But I will help you rob that vault.
Chief Deputy Art Mullen.
Come on in.
Ms. Hale.
Although I suppose it's technically
"on-leave Chief Deputy" right now.
Yeah, they told me that when I called there asking about you.
That's such a shame.
Eh, it's damned annoying more than anything else, but I guess I'm better off than the guy who shot me.
Suppose you're wondering why I asked you here.
Oh, I don't know.
Pretty lady like you, clandestine hotel meeting I think I can figure it out.
Well, actually, Avery called me and told me some bald, wrinkled asshole of a marshal was giving him grief, and I said,
"why, I would recognize that description anywhere."
Oh, that really doesn't ring a bell.
What's it been, like 14 years?
I wasn't even bald back then.
- Well, maybe a little.
- Yeah, that was a long time ago, which makes me wonder why you are so concerned about who ratted out my husband way back then.
Oh, you know, I'm sitting there, recuperating from gunshot, watching all that "forensic files" unsolved mystery bullshit on TV, and then I hear about the shit hitting the fan with your boy toy, Markham, down in Harlan,
and... got my curiosity up.
Well, when you find that snitch, what are you gonna do with him?
Or her.
- Or her.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, well, it occurred to me that the snitch might know who shotgunned Simon Poole ... and, in fact, might be the one who did it.
Well, isn't that little Mexican a.U.S.A. of yours already convinced that I'm the one who had his boss gunned down?
Lack of evidence to the contrary, it's not a bad bet.
You know what?
It's a crazy coincidence, but I happen to be looking into the murder of Simon Poole, as well.
Really?
Trying to clear your good name?
Well, it seems to me that whoever killed Simon Poole is probably the same person who killed Grady in prison ... all at the behest of whoever ratted on Grady to begin with.
And you think it's Markham?
What do you think?
I, um...
- I'm gonna need to open a drawer.
- Slowly.
Do you know who Gordon Keith is?
- Can't say that I do.
- Well, see what you can make of that.
Hmm.
You just want to see justice done, huh?
The man who shot you ... he changed your life forever, right?
And what happened to him?
Well, he got his balls shot off, then he got gut-shot.
Least, that's what the report said.
Sadly, I wasn't there.
Well, the guy who ratted on Grady turned my life to shit, and I want something like that to happen to him.
That is what I want.
You can see yourself out.
I figured I'd find you back in Harlan ... back of your restaurant, back against the wall.
I've heard it called "the Sicilian advantage."
Well, I ain't Sicilian.
I'm just reading a newspaper.
Eyes on points of entry and exit, geography mitigating surprise.
You're down a few on your security detail.
Why you got that shoulder rig ... take any comers try to hit your vault full of drug money.
You see that sign?
Have a nice day, marshal.
You see this star?
Kiss my ass, Markham.
Harlan.
Hell of a place to make your fortune.
Fortune?
Hell, I'm putting down roots.
Tough to do in quicksand.
You proud of yourself ...
slowing me down?
I might be if I was the only one.
Can't take credit for all your troubles, though, can I?
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
That's why you drove up to Lexington ... show the U.S. Marshals you're there to help?
You're asking for my help?
I want Walker, you want land.
Help me get Walker, maybe you get your land.
My, my.
Stooping to extortion.
Extortion?
Simple math.
I get Walker cleared of my plate, I get Boyd.
That's about as clear as mud, son.
Who you waiting to barge through that door? 
Hmm?
Who put the word out to half the landowners in town?
Telling me it wasn't you?
You think folks around here are gonna turn you away 'cause some lawman said so?
Crowder said, "you sell, you die."
You're telling me, after all the saber rattling, we're on the same side?
Saying we got a common problem.
And Walker's the man in between.
I know what you're thinking.
Walker goes down, talks, you're in the hot seat.
But you ever know an ex-ranger to give up without a fight?
I just can't imagine you're part of the solution.
- Who else you got?
- Tell me why.
Let's just say you're putting down roots,
I'm pulling up.
- Sick of the past.
- True.
Past is a shadow.
Always there behind you.
In Harlan ...
shit, it ain't behind you.
It's vertical.
Dig down another layer, turn up some horror.
Let's talk how we get the man in the middle.
What's the one thing no shit-apple redneck in the world can resist?
And that will be coming up at the top of the hour here on "the Crow Show," but right now,
I am joined by once-and-future local luminary Avery Markham.
Now, this is a man who...
Tim, I know I said I wasn't gonna help run down Walker, but, well... there's a certain kind of man who, in this situation, would say, "you're welcome."
Not me, per se ...
a certain kind of man.
A dick.
Pretty sure there's a radio there on the dining room hutch.
Tune in to AM 1194.
All right, quiet, everyone.
Hey!
You listen to "the Crow Show," you know we here are keeping...
They're playing Raylan's song on the radio, here.
...going on with law enforcement, and I'm not exaggerating to say that there's a pretty serious manhunt going on out there,
And he has an idea that could throw the cuffs on this fugitive before anyone else gets hurt, so please elaborate.
Well, thank you, Jackie.
I'd just like to tell all the folks out there that I'm willing to guarantee a $100,000 cash reward to any person who can bring in the fugitive Ty Walker.
- Jesus Christ.
- You're welcome.
You sensitive to odors, Mr. Walker?
As much as anyone. 
Why?
Man I know used to smuggle weed in trucks full of pig shit.
I've seen men survive in worse ways, but I wouldn't mind a more appetizing option.
- What about grubes?
- Grooves in what?
Not grooves ... grubes.
He's a man I know ... sort of.
Lives up in them hills, like a wildcat,
- but he ain't no hill person.
- He ain't one of us, either.
He'll get you to the other side of that mountain.
Of that, I'm certain. 
But I don't know what he will want in return.
I don't think money means so much to a fellow like that.
Well, I'm gonna want to talk to him ...
Him or the pig-shit guy ...
before we go to the Portal.
I want assurances.
First, let's talk about how we get into the Pizza Portal.
Then we'll talk about your assurances.
We drive up, we walk in.
I told you ... there's no one left to guard the place.
With you and one of your men loose, you better believe the marshals are watching that place 24/7.
Call in an anonymous tip ...
Ty Walker holed up across town.
And whose phone you think we gonna use to make that call, Mr. Walker?
Sit tight while I confer with my lady.
One text from you, and those marshals will go wherever you say.
We can only pull this trigger once, Boyd.
I lie to Raylan like that, and I am burnt.
I understand that, baby, but if we got to pull that trigger, this is the bull's-eye we want to hit.
Now, we walk in, we take the money, and just like that, we're gone.
Boyd? 
Boyd!
What?
!
Car coming.
Think it's that marshal grabbed my nuts.
Shit.
Raylan Givens.
Look at you, hopping to like Mr. Hospitality.
Must be hiding something good.
Arms aloft in a welcoming stance? 
Not I.
Surely something good is going on inside.
Well, you do have a tendency to interlope in moments of high drama, but this ain't one of those moments.
Do you even know when you're lying anymore,
- or is it just like blinking?
- What do you want, Raylan?
Leftover chicken?
It's all been et.
What happened to the big, bad man called out 24 hours to get 'er done?
Afraid I don't understand your reference, Raylan.
I'm asking where your balls are at.
You gonna pull off the job, Boyd, or am I gonna die of anticipation?
Is that why you came ...
help me find my balls?
I came to tell you I'm tired of waiting, tired of the bullshit.
- I been lying to you, Boyd.
- Well, now we're getting somewhere.
Keeping up the fiction that I got all manner of things tying me to Kentucky ... things that forestall my moving to Florida.
But there is only the one thing ...
- you.
- You wanna lean in for a kiss?
Is that what you think this is ... another one of your love stories?
Oh, well, I do like happy endings.
Well, this is one of them classic stories, where the hero gets his man, then he rides off into the sunset.
Or maybe it's like that other classic, where a guy chases a whale to the ends of the Earth, only to drown for his troubles.
I got to admit, there's a small part of me that's gonna miss this when it's over.
Well, don't eulogize the past till the future gets its turn.
Boyd. 
Where's your head?
- Raylan, you want to come in for a drink?
- I think I will.
See? 
Look.
Nothing to hide.
Oh. 
So you heard?
It's quiet in here.
Voices travel.
Why so quiet?
Everything okay?
Everything's fine, Raylan.
The lady can certainly answer for herself.
- Everything fine?
- Yes, Raylan. 
Everything's fine.
You satisfied?
Now, ain't you got something better to do, like building the case against the magnificent Boyd Crowder?
Oh, I got tons to do.
Like, I got to find Avery Markham's badman.
But I got a top man operating behind the scenes, so frees me up to come here and help you find your balls.
Damn, Raylan, you in love with my balls.
You must not have heard...
money antenna ain't shivering.
$100,000 goes to whoever helps bring in the badman.
This man giving you your money, he your new "top man"?
Avery Markham himself.
Markham's turning in one of his own soldiers.
Well, that's cold-blooded, brother!
Every turd with a pair of nuts and a scatter-gun gonna be combing the countryside with dollar signs in their eyes.
He's in the back.
Walker! 
Stop!
This is bullshit.
You shot me in the back!
You wanted to get hit in the front, you should have run toward me.
- All for what ... money?
- No.
No. 
No.
No, not just money.
No...
Your five minutes are up.
And now it's your turn? 
No.
- Does that mean we can go now?
- Nobody's talking to you.
Exactly ... or Ms. Crowder or the boy with the busted lip.
Now, my clients were in fear for their lives.
They were not trying to harbor a dangerous fugitive.
They were trying to find a way to notify the authorities when you showed up.
And, uh...
- thank you for rescuing them.
- You're a good lawyer.
- All the good ones have ponytails.
- Good evening to you, too.
You ain't gonna collect your reward money, Boyd?
- Come on, baby.
- 100,000 bucks!
- You are so full of shit.
- Oh. 
So you don't want it?
My goodness.
Whoa. 
Hold on, now.
What's the catch?
No catch.
On my mama's grave.
You've got to be joking me.
What's important is not who gets the reward...
It is not unimportant.
...but the fact that a dangerous man has been taken off the streets because of your generosity.
Okay.
Get on out of here.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
Fire in the hole!
Fire in the hole!
Yee!
Well, I was born at night, Raylan, but I wasn't born last night.
You wanted me to see that stack.
That's why you pushed for this.
I wanted you to get your due reward.
What happened to all that talk about "no more lies"?
- Guess that was a lie.
- Told on your mama's grave.
You know, I never put too much stock in that kind of shit.
No.
Lying comes easy to both of us.
Mm.
It's a hell of a stack, huh?
You sure you want me to take that bait?
'Cause this fox goes for that rabbit...
- ...it's all over, Raylan.
- I tremble with anticipation.
Hey, Boyd, it's us.
Now, Earl, you keep working this hard, you're gonna have a hell of a bonus in your Christmas stocking.
Now, why don't you go on home, see about that split lip?
Appreciate that, Boyd.
- I'd do anything for y'all.
- Go on.
$100,000 ... cash.
You should have seen the look on the man's face, having to hand it over.
So we got money now.
Let's go.
I thought you might say that.
First, I got to show you something.
- What is it?
- This is the exact size of the stack of money in Markham's vault.
It's all in hundreds, like the bundle he gave me.
God damn it.
It's got to be $10 million, Ava.
That's a lot of money.
But a bird in the hand... $10 million is a whole lot of birds, baby.
Boyd, there's about a hundred ways today could've gone wrong ... me back in prison or both of us shot dead.
You keep saying "when we're done," "when we get this money."
Well, we got money.
Let's go.
Baby, what are we gonna do with $100,000?
What are we gonna do with $10 million?
- Boyd, please. 
It will be enough.
- Baby, you know me.
I have never done anything half-measure in my life.
I can't start now ... not when there's this much meat on the bone.
This is $10 million, baby.
$10 million.
$10 or $10 million ... would you ever be able to walk away?
- Do I have a choice?
- Yes. 
That's what this is about.
Where's my phone?
I need to meet Raylan.
After what happened today...
You ain't afraid I'll spill my guts, beg him to pull me out?
I know that you will tell him as little as possible.
I know that you love me, Ava.
And I know even if you didn't, you're a smart woman who knows a good deal when she sees one.
Now, you help Raylan put me away, what's he got to offer you?
A clean slate in witness protection?
A shitty condo in Arizona?
Little bit of money?
How much money?
- 50 grand.
- 50 grand?
There's 50 grand.
And there's $10 million.
Take your pick.
- How'd you get away?
- $100,000?
If I succeed ... if I don't lose my mind, if I survive ...
I get $50,000.
You give him $100,000 like it is pocket change.
You get government money, Ava.
That money's somebody else's.
Besides, you got it all wrong, anyway.
That ain't his money.
It's just... cheese in a trap.
Goddamn right ...
a $10 million hunk.
- So you see what I'm doing?
- No, I don't. 
I'm confused.
Who are you trying to tempt, him or me?
- I mean, who do you think I am?
- I don't know.
You tell me.
'Cause I'm just as confused.
- What the hell was that today?
- You mean besides tense?
- Walker in back with a gun on us?
- Exactly.
You call me inside, toward the gun.
I was trying to cool things down.
You and Boyd were out front about to kill each other.
Boyd looked like he was gonna kill you, you stuck your nose in there.
In fact, it defies my understanding of the man
- that you show up here untouched.
- What are you so mad for?
Keep saying how you're scared, yet you don't have a scratch.
- It all adds up to bullshit.
- You did get your man!
- Who, Walker? 
Jesus Christ.
- Oh, Lord, if I knew we were gonna argue,
- I would've stayed at home!
- What happened in Bulletville?
- Something happened.
- We went hunting.
Boyd wanted to catch opening day.
We made a vacation of it.
Some vacation, bleeding and butchering hog.
I'm glad I came by ...
so I could hear you call me a redneck.
You know what?
Your neck is just as red as mine.
You just don't see it 'cause you're always walking forward.
- How else do you walk, Ava?
- You know what I mean ...
Wishing you were better'n where you come from.
Just admit something ... you could've just as easily been an outlaw as a lawman.
Well, obviously, Ava.
But the past is a statement.
The future is a question.
The past and the future are a fight to the death.
What happened in Bulletville?
- You in trouble?
- No.
I told you ...
I will dig into Zachariah.
I already got to him.
I already know why Boyd needs him.
You know where they're doing it?
They're going up through a busted mine ... obsidian ... up through the ground in Blanton Creek.
Why is it always a fight with us?
We're too alike, I think.
Good news, bad news?
- Good news first.
- Despite my prodding,
I don't know when, but I do know how.
- How?
- He's coming up.
The dynamite Zachariah had ain't to blow the doors off the vault.
It's for the rock below.
Boyd's gonna blast up from underneath.
- What's the bad news?
- Ava's burned.
- You sure?
- Pretty sure.
Damn it!
- I know.
- What tipped it?
I just know.
You get up here in the morning, hash out what the hell we're gonna do next?
I'll be up around 11:00.
Something I got to do first.
Nothing.
What were you expecting?
Rosebud?
I don't know what I was expecting, but... it was time I looked.
Took you long enough.
My whole life, I had nightmares about what you locked up in here ... slave girls... animal for killing... secrets, horror.
And it ain't nothin'.
Just like you, boy ... with your head in the goddamn clouds.
You kept us away of your 'fraidy hole like it held the treasures of Kublai Khan.
Well, it's just a place I used go ... my place, my own dirt... dark and far away.
That's why you had the key around your neck in the war.
Wouldn't you want to go far away from that?
Every evil thing inside you...
I thought was in here.
And it's a big, fat nothin'.
I thought about what you said ... about the idea of the remains.
You're right.
There's nothing left.
Whatever it was, whatever she was, it's long gone.
There's still some of him left, but...
eventually, that'll go, too.
Well, are you saying you want us to halt the work?
I'm saying I won't meddle with what's been done.
Where would you like it relocated?
Your guess is as good as mine.

[music]
WhenVelPhillipsreturned to Milwaukee, she focused her energy on her city's own civil right issues.
Itwasprettybad  in Milwaukee.
Milwaukee was considered one of the more segregated cities in the whole United States.
Wehadproblems that we had to solve and we had to do it right and we had to do it the right way.
Housingsegregationkept Milwaukee's growing
African American community confined inside the center city known as the Inner Core.
African American residents were barred from buying homes in the city's more prosperous neighborhoods and suburbs.
Wetriedto move.
You know, I had been told flat out, several times,
"Oh, you can't buy a house in that area because you're a Negro."
Youcanconcededesegregation in these public spheres, work, school.
But your home and the neighborhood around that, that's where a lot of white folks draw the line.
Irememberwhenthe first black family moved into Wauwatosa.
There was a cross burned on the lawn.
Segregationissuch an insidious affair.
These are the things that strike you every day, right?
It's the things that assault your senses.
Asanalderman,Phillips was in a position to devise an Open Housing ordinance to combat Milwaukee's segregation policies.
But she knew that the chance of it passing would be remote.
Sherepresentswomen,she  represents African Americans.
The community doesn't have the wealth, the power, the access, the media, to have voice, to push back, to get a fair hearing.
And she's the only person in that formal position.
What'stherightthingtodo ?
That was really her focus.
AndI couldsee how segregated we were.
It just wasn't the way it should be.
In1962,Phillipssubmitted to the Milwaukee Common Council a landmark ordinance.
"It is to be the policy of the City of Milwaukee to assure equal opportunity to all persons to live in decent housing facilities regardless of race, color, or national origin."
Sheintroduced the Fair Housing law and got one vote, hers.
Overfiveyears,Phillips introduced her Open Housing ordinance with the same result.
Thecommitteehaschosen, as it has done previously to reject the ordinance unanimously.
With that-- Iwantedto cry,really, but I thought that would not work.
I was the alderman.
Atthesametime, her constituents fought other battles, against job discrimination, segregated schools, and whites-only clubs.

♪
Morning, thugs.
Morning, gangsta.
Morning, playa.
Aww, I love what we have.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Patient.
No, I don't think the only reason your mother had you was so that she could be a bitch to you.
Ah, the holidays...
Stockings full of gifts, your mom's voice mail full of messages from sobbing lunatics who can't handle their business.
Christmas or not, you just have to tell your mother she has to respect you.
Hey. 
Leggings are not pants.
Mom, you have to respect me.
Don't even.
Look, I know the holidays can be lonely, but don't lose sight of the fact that you matter to a lot of people, Jill.
Ellen. 
I meant Ellen.
She hung up on me.
What a whiner.
I'm so sorry.
I thought you hung up.
Come here.
What can hero husband do to make it better?
Fast-forward me to our trip to Hawaii.
[Gasps] Our couple's massage.
And our couple's bed.
It's just a bed, honey.
It's a bed with a partially obstructed view of the hotel Parking lot because that's how daddy rolls.
[Chuckles]
Mom, I'm gonna need a new bathing suit for Hawaii.
Stuff got real this year.
I need one, too.
I've been tightening up the front porch.
Hold up, are you guys under the impression that you're coming to Hawaii with us?
Yeah. 
I mean, aren't we?
You said you were gonna tell them.
No! 
Remember?
You said you didn't want me to tell them because you thought I'd enjoy it too much.
No. 
I said, "tell them.
Just don't sound like you're enjoying it too much."
[Laughing] Okay, I'm not that good an actor.
Wait. 
What's happening here?
Oh, my god, I'm so sorry, you guys, but your dad and I really need a vacation alone together.
Yeah. 
We haven't had time away, just the two of us, since your mother had her emergency appendectomy.
[Chuckles] God, that was a great few days.
It was.
Okay, so, you would literally rather have surgery than vacation with your own children?
Did she stutter?
All right, all right, all right.
It was a hard decision, honey, and we're really gonna miss you guys.
This is so not fair!
I want to learn how to surf!
And I want to see how resentful the locals are.
I hear it's breathtaking!
Look, I'm sorry, guys.
You know, I'm really torn up about this.
[Laughs]
Ken!
See? 
I told you I'm not that good an actor.
Really?
Gangsta gonna play me like that?
Hey, Clark, my Jewish friend.
I am neither of those things, and don't touch me.
Hey, where would a man of my ilk get one of those beanie things?
They're called yarmulkes, and why do you need one?
Oh, well, Christmas Eve,
I'm going to this big singles party... the Matzo Ball.
[Chuckles] Yeah.
Hoping to put my noodle in some kugel [chuckling] If you know what I mean.
[Chuckles]
Yeah, I'm... 
I'm talking about hosing' one of the chosen.
[Laughs]
[Laughing] Get it?
Oh, come on.
Your people are famous for your sense of humor.
The gay, Lutheran vegans?
[Laughing] Yeah, that's the stuff!
- Um, pat.
- Huh?
I need to talk to you.
I have to request a day off.
Oh, sorry.
That's not my jurisdiction, but would you like a raise?
Sure.
No. [Chuckles]
See? 
I'm happy to help you with that.
[Chuckles]
Listen, don't worry about it.
Just talk to Damona.
Damona decides who gets vacation days?
Nah. 
It's this hard-ass Phil Stockton.
He's the master scheduler.
He manages the schedules for the entire medical staff.
Then maybe I'll just talk to him.
Doesn't work that way.
Yeah. 
Nobody in our department talks to him except for Damona.
She is our liaison.
Well, that seems inefficient...
And unnecessarily French.
You haven't met Phil.
You know Dr. Ken's temper?
Picture that on a man.
That is scary.
One time, Dr. Miller broke protocol and asked Phil for the day off for his kid's birthday.
Not only did he not get the day, but he ended up having to work on Thanksgiving.
Then, two weeks later, his car blew up.
Fuel-line issue, unrelated, but still!
All right. 
I won't talk to him.
Damona, would you please ask Phil if I could have Valentine's day off?
I thought you and Topher broke up.
Oh, no, we did.
But I figure I'll either be back together with him or eating myself to death in his shrubs.
Regardless, I'm gonna need the day.
I'll talk to Phil.
It shouldn't be a problem since you got it in early.
Yeah, got to keep it timely, people.
That's why I asked for my days off months ago.
Wait. 
Which days?
You know, for my new year's trip to "ha-vai-ee."
Where?
Oh, sweet, contiguous, landlocked Julie.
[Chuckles]
That's the native pronunciation of "Hawaii,"
the island paradise where my wife and I will be enjoying our most relaxed time since her appendectomy.
And hopefully this time, she won't be stingy with the lovin', you know?
[Mockingly] "Oh, Ken, watch the stitches!
Ehhhh!
There's another patient in the room!"
Hold up.
Dr. Ken, you didn't tell me to ask Phil for New Year's off.
[Laughs]
Okay, Damona, let's leave the comedy to the guy who was awarded the mug that said "World's Funniest Doctor."
Awarded?
You made that yourself at color me mine.
I'm serious, little man.
You never put in a request.
Yes, I did.
I filled it out, I stuck it in my lab-coat pocket, and I gave it to you.
You obviously lost it.
If I may?
And not to pile on, but you did not fill that out, either.
Come on. 
Allison already booked the flights to Hawaii.
I thought it was pronounced "ha-vai-ee."
I think that's just when you're going.
Come on, Damona, please.
I need those days.
Hey, hey, don't put that on me.
It's not my responsibility to check your damn pocket.
It is actually mine.
I am very sorry, sir.
Okay.
Hey. 
Trouble in not-paradise?
So, what's the return policy on that youth-sized snorkel set you were sure you'd grow into?
Dave, tighten up those arms.
That is your food. 
Protect it!
What's going on here?
Oh, just preparing Dave for foster care, you know, because you and dad are abandoning us.
Okay, now there's a big kid trying to take your corn bread.
Quick fork in the eye!
Stay away, Tracy!
[Growls]
Nice try. 
You're still not coming.
Fine. 
I didn't want to resort to this.
Dave, plan "b."
Really?
We're supposed to take you guys to Hawaii because Dave's making a sad face?
Okay, Dave, cut it out.
Oh, baby, are you okay?
Oh, nope. 
Nope.
Not falling for it.
We'll get there.
Just keep working that money-maker.
[Snarls]
Not the fork the face.
Hey, bae.
Guess what I just booked for Hawaii!
[Door closes]
A private boat that takes us to swim with the dolphins.
Then it docks on a secluded beach, where the two of us are served a five-star meal at sunset.
They force you to eat at sunset?
I mean, sounds pretty rigid.
Really? 
'Cause, to me, it sounds like the best day of our lives.
The excursion is literally called
"the best day of your life."
Al, Hawaii's great and all, but I was thinking, maybe we should stay home.
You know, I think we're gonna miss the kids.
You son of a bitch.
You didn't get the days off.
No! 
No! 
No.
I'm simply opening my heart about how much I'm gonna miss our children.
I swear to god.
I planned this whole trip, and you had one thing to do!
Which I did!
I mean wow.
[Chuckling] Oh, wow. 
Okay.
Uh, this hurts, Allison.
This really hurts.
Ken, I really need this trip.
Please tell me you got the days off.
[Sighs]
I got the days off.
Oh, thank god!
[Laughs]
I would've been so mad.
[Laughing] I know!
I mean, I only had one thing to do!
Come on! 
[Laughs]
Oh, my god, this is gonna be so amazing!
Okay, so, are you in for the dolphin thing?
Oh, I'm in. [Laughs]
I'm in so deep.
Confirm. 
Confirm.
Non-refundable. 
Confirm.
Okay, do you want the crème brulée or the cherries jubilee?
Dealer's choice. [Whimpers]
All right. 
Oh, my god.
Champagne, lobster breakfast.
Should we splurge?
Ooh-hoo! 
Ah! 
Yes!
Come on. 
Come on.
Yolo. 
Yolo!
[Laughs] ‭[Whimpers]
Ugh!
♪
I'm officially screwed.
At some point during our romantic trip to Hawaii,
Allison's gonna notice I'm not there.
I'm guessing that'll be the highlight of her trip.
[Chuckles]
What is this, casual Friday?
No. 
It's "the attire of places Ken's not going" Friday.
[Chuckles]
Next week, I'm dressing as heaven.
[Sighs] I talked to Phil.
- What did he say?
- It's still a big, fat no.
[Sighs] ‭but but I have an idea.
Here's a list of all the doctors that have New Year's off.
Just go and see if any of them are interested in swapping.
Swapping?
Uh, how do I know what their wives look like?
Swapping vacation days, not wives, you dumb bucket.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
You know, Allison's a cool chick and all... and it has come up...
But that was mostly me driving it, you know?
I'm gonna go take care of this.
Ah! 
Morgan's wife's not bad.
Let me get this straight.
You raised this girl, she's a grown woman, and she can't even walk down an aisle by herself?
You can go hike a glacier anytime.
Trust me.
They're gonna be around forever.
All I'm saying is, if you schedule it, you could drop that thing before the New Year.
That's a huge tax write-off.
Your mom's being difficult.
[Sighs] Congratulations.
Oh, hey, Allison.
What are you doing here?
I came to surprise Ken with lunch.
I brought Hawaiian barbecue...
You know, 'cause of our trip.
So, you're going?
Yeah. 
Wait, what are you talking about?
Oh. 
I just thought that since Ken forgot to ask for the...
Stop talking, Julie.
I can't. 
I'm too nervous.
Well, then change the subject.
Oh, there he is!
[Singsong voice] Guess who's here, Dr. Ken.
Hey, bae. 
You lied to me.
What?
You never asked for the days off.
I knew it.
Wait. 
Wait. 
Just let me explain!
Wow, I did not expect you to stop.
I got nothing.
[Singsong voice] But you still have b-b-q.
You know what?
I'm not gonna take this.
I'm gonna go dance with the devil.
What does that mean?
Oh, that's just Dr. Ken's dramatic way of saying he's gonna fix things with Allison.
No. 
Allison's not the devil.
Phil is. 
I'm gonna go talk to him.
I did not get that at all.
Just look in the directory and find his office, please.
Uh, he is on the 14th floor, but I think that this is a terrible idea.
I mean, you're talking about the man who made Dr. O'Brien work the day after his own funeral.
Okay. 
That may have been an urban legend, but still.
Look, I refuse to live in fear of this guy.
I'm gonna go demand my days, and I'm not gonna take "no" for an answer.
I'm not even gonna take "maybe" for an answer.
Other answers I won't accept include "I'll think about it"
or "I'll get back to you."
So, just to recap,
I'm looking for "yes," "sure," or "definitely."
Or, if need be, I'll even take a "10-4, good buddy. 
Gi-gi-gi!"
Good luck, pal.
I will not be rooting for you.
Too much?
Yeah, it's too much.
♪
Hey, anybody seen Dr. Ken?
His 12:00 canceled.
He went upstairs to talk to Phil.
Phil Stockton?
H-he went to talk to Phil Stockton?
I know.
I tried to warn him, but he seemed very determined.
There's like five or six things that he is not gonna take for an answer.
Oh, god, I knew it!
I knew it!
Oh, god! 
You knew what?
!
You knew what?
!
Phil Stockton isn't the master scheduler, okay?
What? 
Who is?
I am.
Le twist!
But wait.
If you're the master scheduler, then who's Phil Stockton?
I picked him out of the directory.
He's just some random guy from environmental services who's about to be all kinds of confused.
- Phil Stockton?
- Yes?
I'm Dr. Ken Park, and I'm taking the week of New Year's off.
Okay.
Really?
You're... 
You're okay with that?
Sure.
Oh, my god.[Chuckles]
[Sniffles]
I'm gonna...
You have no idea what you've done for me.
Not a clue. [Chuckles]
See, I lied to my wife, but then she found out, and Damona said you would never... you know what?
I'm gonna do something for you.
Mm-hmm. 
Here.
This is like a couple hundred bucks.
And this is my saddle burger giddy up card.
Seven barn burgers away from a free barn burger.
No, I can't take your money.
Oh, no, I insist.
You take it 'cause you are a Saint.
What are you doing?
[Clears throat]
Ohh. 
We don't have to do this.
I love you, man.
Thanks.
Well, I just had an interesting conversation with Phil, the master scheduler.
Uh, um, what did... what did he say?
He said... [cellphone ringing]
Whoa. 
Hang on.
Hey, Al, I got the days!
Dr. Ken! 
No! 
No!
No! 
No! 
No, I'm serious. 
I talked to the master scheduler.
Dr. Ken, I... 
Ah, ah, ah, ah!
[Groans]
Oh, I know.
I-I am so sorry about the lying and the up and back, but you can relax now 'cause we're going to Hawaii!
[Laughs] I know!
I feel the same way!
And you know what, Al?
Screw it. 
Let's bring the kids.
I don't even... wait. 
Wait.
Oh, wait. 
Another call.
"Chello"?
Hang up the damn phone!
I'm the master scheduler.
You don't have the days!
[Exhales sharply]
Oh, honey, I-I-I got to go.
It's an emergency. 
It's a code maroon... 5.
What the hell is going on?
You're the master scheduler?
Why would you even mess with me like that?
Okay, look, four years ago, when they made me office manager, they dumped the scheduling job on me, and...
I liked it 'cause I was helping people.
You like helping people?
I like helping people.
I just don't like people to know I like helping people 'cause then people want you to help them.
So... 
I made up an alter ego.
Like Bruce Wayne has Batman.
So, in this scenario, she's a rich dude with a leather fetish?
Because that's intriguing.
Hey, did I not give him the long weekend for his dad's birthday?
And you're gonna be kissing or stalking your boyfriend on Valentine's Day 'cause of me.
Thanks, either way.
And what about when you needed those three days to mourn Joan Rivers?
Three days?
Hey, she paved the way for so many comediennes!
I mean, without her, there's no rudner, there's no poundstone.
You know what? 
I'm sorry.
Please go on.
It doesn't even matter because every once in a while,
I can't help somebody I really want to help, and it sucks.
Look, Damona, it's not your fault.
I mean, am I gonna blame you publicly for it?
Absolutely.
My wife's gonna hate me.
My kids are gonna hate me.
I mean, the only one who doesn't hate me is some boob in environmental services who I just gave 200 bucks to...
And my giddyup card!
Environmental services!
That's it!
Wait for me.
Not a lot of patients got seen today.
[Knock on door]
Hey, Phil.
Damona Watkins, fifth-floor office manager.
Ken Park.
We hugged recently, and there may have been a kiss.
Oh, I'm certain there was.
You took my money, my giddyup card, and my heart.
- You done?
‭
- Yep.
So, Phil, your department's closing the building for four days in march to fumigate.
Am I right?
Oh, yeah.
We call it the "Pestic-ides of March."
[Chuckles] We like to have fun up here.
Well, look, my friend is in a bind.
I really want to help him.
So, why don't you move it to New Year's week?
Oof. 
That's a lot of departments to coordinate.
Well, you best get to coordinating', son!
My bad. 
You got this.
I'm sorry. 
I-I-I don't think I can swing it.
Let me ask you a question.
Doesn't Jeff Scarborough schedule your vacation days?
That's right.
Well, I just talked to my good friend Jeff, and he told me you like to take a week off in July to go fishing with your family.
Man, I'd sure hate to see that go away.
Yeah, boy-ee!
You mean his trip, not his family, right?
I, uh... 
I guess I...
Could move some things around.
Yeah. 
You do that, Phil, or say goodbye to your family.
Could... could you just go...
Okay. 
It wasn't clear.
No, I didn't... 
I didn't know...
I mean, I didn't know if it was the trip or his family...
Phil.
It was the trip, right?
[Door closes]
Thank you so much.
You saved my ass.
Oh, it's all good. [Sighs]
- So, how do you know Jeff Scarborough?
- I don't.
Aw, you stone-cold!
[Laughs]
How did it go?
Mnh...
Trip's back on.
Aah! 
[Laughs]
And Christmas came early to Welltopia that year.
Poi, anyone? 
Ken, come on.
This might be as close as you get.
Relax, pat.
I'm going to "ha-vai-ee" after all.
Damn it!
I got three gallons of prank poi in my office and the entire first season of "Magnum, P.I."
I was gonna slip it into your car.
Well, the poi, that is, not the "Magnum, P.I."
No, the "Magnum, P.I."
I was gonna broadcast on the side of your house.
Okay, look, we're the only ones who know Damona's secret, and we're gonna keep that way, I mean, 'cause she's always taken care of us, and we're gonna take care of her.
Absolutely. 
She's Batman.
Damn straight I'm Batman.
I guess that makes me the joker, huh?
Huh? 
The...
Oh, my god, this was so worth it.
Ahh, I know.
[Giggles]
Sorry. 
I'm a little ticklish.
[Giggles]
I really needed this.
Gregory, your fingers are magic.
Dave, can you please be quiet?
Sorry. 
I didn't mean to ruin our couple's massage.
It's four people.
It is not a couple's massage.
I know, but Gregory's hands are making me stupid.

A Dofus is a dragon egg that offers unlimited power, to he who knows how to use it!
Six exceptionally powerful ones are known as the "Primordial Dofus".
For centuries, they have been the stakes of a merciless war between the cities of Bonta and Brakmar.
The Ivory Dofus and the Ebony Dofus.
These two dragon eggs and the infinite power they grant have always been objects of desire.
And so when Julith, the Butcher of Brakmar, guardian of the Ebony Dofus, marched on Bonta...
Jahash went to face her with our dazzling army.
After 69 days of battle with no clear outcome, something unexpected happened, that struck the soldiers of both cities with awe.
How these two beings, among the most powerful in the world, could become enraptured by each other remains a mystery.
Some spoke of a desire for peace, others blamed the blindness of love; it didn't matter.
Fate was in motion, and for a while peace was made between Bonta and Brakmar.
Secretly though, the Butcher still burned with the desire to see Bonta fall.
Breaking the sacred bonds of marriage, she unleashed the power of the Ebony Dofus.
The price to pay was a terrible one for Bonta, and Jahash sacrificed himself to save us.
The Ivory Dofus was consumed and the Ebony Dofus broken.
Dofus Book I: 
Julith
Citizens of Bonta.
Ten years have passed, and as with every year, we are gathered here to honor the memory of the one who gave his life to save our city.
Our savior, the greatest of Huppermages: 
Jahash Jürgen.
With this tenth commemoration, we are pleased to say that a new generation is ready to follow in his footsteps.
Bakara, our hero's younger sister, has just earned her Huppermage robes.
Bakara, the honor is yours to unveil our tribute to Jahash.
Women and men of Bonta, my dear subjects...
Let's make this a celebration that...
My compliments to the artists.
This statue of my husband is quite faithful.
Guards, seize her!
You?
Finally!
Come forth, Grougalorasalar!
He scores!
He scores! 
Do you hear me, Pupuce? 
He scores!
Here's Pupuce with Joris "Thunderbreaker":
"It's easy for me, you know, being the son of a great champion and all."
Ah, Lilotte.
Hi!
So?
So it's confirmed:
the game will take place tomorrow night.
Even if everything was nearly canceled due to an attack at the palace.
"This morning at the Great Bonta Stadium, star gobbowler Khan Karkass will hold tryouts for his new passer!"
"The champion will take the opportunity to greet his fans!"
I'll be able to get my gobball signed!
Yahoo!
Khan, Khan, Khan!
Khan, Khan, Khan!
So now your mother was a Gobbowl champion too?
Yep, I thought it was more classy that way.
You change your mind like you change underpants!
Firstly, I don't change underpants that often.
Secondly, the good thing about being an orphan is you can choose the parents you want!
Yeah, yeah, tell it to my bone...
Well MY parents were referees.
And they fired yours because they were cheaters.
Oh yeah?
Fine, first one down there had the coolest parents!
Joris Thunderbreaker soars!
– Will he manage to score before the final whistle?
– Calm down, calm down!
These are the last seconds of the match of his life!
My walls!
Sorry! 
No choice, gotta win!
Sorry! 
No choice, gotta teach you some manners!
Hey, but... 
I won! 
I won!
So, who's got the coolest parents now?
Huh? 
Come on, say it!
Your father was a cheerleader anyway!
Now, kids.
Please, don't start again with that "your father was this, your mother was that" fuss.
– Hello Papycha.
– Hello Mr. Kerub.
Catseye!
One... 
Two... 
And three!
One... 
Two... 
Three!
Haha! 
You lost, Jojo! 
You moved.
Such clumsiness...
Cheater!
As a punishment, you'll suffer the Ecaflip wash!
It's not fair!
It was Lilotte!
Stop, Papycha!
Mercy!
All good!
You can go and have breakfast.
Yay!
Crispies!
Great, I haven't gnawed on anything since yesterday!
Lilotte, I already told you, you don't have to sleep outside.
We can make you a little doghouse here, you know.
You're part of the family.
Not a good idea.
You come here every day, what's the difference?
You remember Gigi, my pooch pal?
Well, he also found an adoptive family, top pedigree.
An always clean kennel, fresh kibbles for breakfast, lunch and dinner; basically paradise.
Except Gigi sheds.
As a result, they abandoned him on the side of the road.
So I say, the best way not to lose your family is to not have one in the first place.
Papycha, they confirmed it in the gazette:
Khan will be at the stadium this morning!
We're going, right? 
We're going?
I've already told you yes a hundred times.
But first, you must keep your end of the deal and set up the shop.
Everything must be ready for when the fans arrive.
Yeah!
I'm done eating! 
Luis, open the shop!
Would it kill you to say "please", you boor?
Come on, Luis, don't make a fuss.
Luis this, Luis that– I'm always the one doing all the work around here!
Don't hold back on the pompoms, the scarves and the Quaquacks.
Those will sell the most.
Hey, Lilotte! 
Be careful or we'll never finish in time!
Aww, come on, no need to bark!
Master Kerub, I must speak with you urgently.
The Ebony Dofus has been stolen!
What?
Master Kerub, I must speak with you urgently.
– The Ebony Dofus has been stolen!
– Tell me it's not true!
– Papycha? 
Are you talking to someone, Papycha?
Just a bad dream, my little Jojo!
Keep going with the set up.
...Ebony Dofus has been stolen!
Ah, all done! 
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Lilotte, you're such a pain!
Come on, can't we have a bit of fun?
No, we'll have fun later.
Right now we have the chance to meet Khan Karkass!
Remember?
No way I'm missing that.
Please, it's not like he's a god.
He poops just like everyone else.
Yes, he IS a god!
And no, he doesn't poop like everyone else!
We're done Papycha, we can go to the stadium!
Not now, son.
I have to run an errand, so I need you to look after the store.
What? 
But, what about the tryouts?
You promised a hundred times we would go if we worked hard...
I know, I know, but I really have to go.
This is a real favor I'm asking of you, my little Jojo.
Be good, I'll be quick.
Who wants another pint?
I know you're there, Bakara. 
Take a seat.
Julith is back, Kerub.
No! 
It can't be, she's dead!
I saw her eyes. 
I heard her voice.
Trust me Kerub, it's her.
She took the Ebony Dofus, and nobody could stop her.
The Ebony Dofus! 
B-but then, Joris is in danger!
Calm down! 
That Dofus is no more than an empty shell.
Without the dragon's soul, the egg has no power.
Kerub, wait! 
What did you tell Joris?
Nothing, like we agreed.
But it's time he learned the truth.
Get over it, it's not the end of the world.
What matters is that we're still going to the game tomorrow night, right?
No. 
What matters is going to both!
At the game I won't be able to get Khan Karkass to sign my gobball!
That's it, I'm going!
Joris, don't do that!
If Kerub finds out, he'll go rabid!
And you'll get what's coming to you!
I don't care, he promised!
Watch the shop, see ya!
Come back, you bulldog-head!
You won't get in without me!
Come on, you and your snout, we'll miss the beginning!
Let's go, girls.
Follow me!
Here: the two bent bars.
Wow, great! 
You're the best!
Sometimes there are advantages to living on the street.
Rumor says they took a beating last night at the inauguration.
There are so many more guards than normal, this sucks!
We better give up!
No way!
What sucks is your bell!
Take it off while you go through.
No way, that's all I have left from my parents.
Come help me, I'm stuck!
Calm down, you'll give us away!
Hey you, over there!
– Just go, we'll meet up later.
– What are you doing here?
!
I'll be waiting for you on the other side!
Don't tell me he's actually going to do it!
Over here, I see him!
Ladies and gentlemen!
Here comes the one you've all been waiting for!
Winner of the Super League with 57 wins, and more than 200 goals under his belt...
He brought prestige to Gobbowl!
Our great champion, our hero: 
Khan Karkaaaass!
Enough, Guy. 
Don't overdo it.
So this is the "dream team", huh?
Not much to look at...
You there! 
Show me some teeth.
Eww, by the gods!
Come back when you've learned some hygiene, you disgusting pig.
On the field, having talent isn't enough.
The fans don't come just to see a game.
They come to see you throw passes to ME, so I can score.
Hmm, these look reasonably healthy...
What's your name, soldier?
Rudolph.
Huh. 
You'll need to change your name if you want to go pro.
Just try and tackle me.
Yes, sir!
Not bad. 
You know how to give, Rudolph.
But do you know how to take it?
This is your first lesson, aspiring passers.
Giving is not enough, you must also know how to take it.
My turn!
Uhh, may I ask what it is you're doing?
I'm ready to take it from my valiant knig-
Women and children? 
Guy...
Is THAT your selection?
I didn't come to play, Mr. Karkass.
I came to have this gobball signed!
Hey, that rugrat is packing a punch.
Hey, you roughnecks!
I'll hire whoever can take the ball from the kid.
This is the chance of my life!
Throw a pass, kid!
...this is for you... – Guy?
– Yes master?
We have our man!
But... this man is only a child!
Bah! 
He's barely older than me at his age when I first started.
Don't you think his parents...
Think?
Do I look like I'm here to think?
You're the one who's paid to think, Guy!
So think and get this kid on the team!
As for those, get them out, Guy.
– I've never seen so many losers on a Gobbowl field!
– "Losers"?
This is depressing.
But he hasn't seen what I can do!
Sorry Marline, the master has made his decision.
But I barely played!
I hate him!
You aced it, kid.
What's your name?
Joris! 
And I'm your biggest fan, Mr. Karkass!
From now on you're my new passer, Mini-pal.
Together, I'LL become the greatest Gobbowl champion of all time!
Me? 
On your team? 
But...
That's awesome!
Know that I never do anything less than awesome, Mini-pal.
Now, you'll have to sign a contract and...
Papycha!
Err... 
Mr. Karkass picked me to be his mini-pal and his passer.
His mini-pal? 
Out of the question!
You go back home!
I have important things to tell you.
If you'll allow me, what could be more important than being recruited to my team?
I'll only allow you to shut up, unless you want me to tear you a new pair of shorts.
But Papycha, this is my life's dream, you know that...
Becoming a gobbowler like my parents, and now Bonta's champion personally recruits me!
Like your parents?
Stop making up stories, Jojo!
What makes you think they're just stories?
And stop calling me Jojo, I'm not a little boy anymore!
Alright, calm down, we'll go home and discuss all this quietly, as a family.
You can go home alone!
Luis is not a home, he's a prison!
And you're not my father!
You're just an old wreck!
Joris...
Miss, wait! 
We haven't been introduced!
Go ahead sir, everything's good, everything's fresh.
See, your cabbage makes this weird noise when I shake it...
Come on! 
Fork over the ten Kamas, and don't argue.
An old wreck!
To think I raised you like a son.
I should have adopted Lilotte instead!
And me, you abandoned me.
I knew it would end like this, like Gigi.
Good evening, sir.
Kibbles for my Papycha and a marrowbone for my best friend, please.
Kibbles and marrowbone, you're going to make some people happy.
I hope so, I've done things that need forgiving, I've been stupid.
Here.
Hey!
I finally found you, Mini-pal.
Sorry, but I have to go home, Mr. Karkass.
No problem, I'll go with you!
Um, say, earlier on the field, there was a girl, with your hairy grandpa.
Blonde hair, peach scent... is she a friend of yours?
No, never seen her before.
Um, and, err, do you know where she lives by any chance?
No, but we can ask Papycha if you want.
Great idea!
I've brought you kibbles, Papycha.
It's a good idea when one does something that needs forgiving.
Huh, this won't be easy, Mini-pal.
Uh, hi. 
I think we crossed paths earlier.
Papycha, I...
Jojo! 
What's wrong?
You know, I didn't mean it when I called you an old wreck.
I know, Jojo, I know.
Kerub. 
Protect the children. 
Julith's coming.
You, stay in there.
Hmm, you seem to know what you want...
Kids, stay hidden.
Julith.
You're not welcome here.
Kerub Crepin?
Talk about coincidences.
For Bonta!
Is that all?
Jahash would be disappointed.
Do not speak his name, traitor! 
You used him!
You poor little fool who has never known love.
What could you possibly know of my feelings for your brother?
Luis! 
Get me the 1001 Claws Armor!
Right away, boss!
Do you recognize my nunchuck?
I seem to recall it gave you a few nice scars.
No hard feelings, Kerub.
I think they look rather good on me.
Papycha!
Grougalorasalar, your little escapade has lasted too long.
Release this child.
Joris!
Joris?
It... 
It can't be.
Joris... my child.
Follow me!
Lilotte!
My hand, take my hand!
Lilotte!
Hmm... 
You have warm hands...
Why didn't you grab her on the way through?
I saved YOU, that counts for something.
You didn't save anything, you imbecile!
You just tripped!
As luck would have it, hmm?
Smoothtalking makes you look even dumber.
Help me find the others instead.
What a tigress...
Joris?
Lilotte?
Papycha!
Papycha, are... are you okay?
Jojo, seriously... 
You see the hole in my armor?
Sorry Papycha... 
I've been so stupid.
That woman who attacked us... 
You really are her son.
And Jahash was your father...
An exceptional little boy comes with exceptional parents...
Master Kerub!
Bakara... 
You have to get the Ivory Dofus, it's the only thing that can protect you from Julith...
I hid it over there... in... in my temple...
Don't cry, my little Jojo.
You're... 
You're my greatest treasure.
No, Papycha, stay with me!
I will always be with you...
Papycha!
Greetings, faithful Atcham.
Another bad hair day?
Hmm, all theshe hairy foolsh make me shick, Shulith!
Shay, they shald you were dead?
They said a lot of things about me.
But no matter. 
I have a mission for you...
No! 
Sherub's hair?
Do you know where my dear brother'sh hiding?
In the Ecaflip dimension.
I struck him with a lethal blow, but he managed to escape at the last moment.
Pity...
I would've enshoyed shearing that big hairy idiot myshelf.
He ran away with a little boy named Joris. 
My son.
Shoris!
?
Your brother raised this child in my place, and I want you to bring him back to me.
One last thing.
You'll tell Joris to come out of hiding quickly if he doesn't want Lilotte to suffer the same fate as Kerub.
You know, my little Joris, life is like a game of Gobbowl.
There are losers and there are winners;
your hairy grandpa lost.
... But he fought like a champ, and that's what counts.
Great. 
In one day I lost my Papycha, gained a legendary but dead father, and a mother called The Butcher. 
Just great!
Oh, yeah...
And you gained an aunt, Joris.
I didn't introduce myself, I'm Bakara, Jahash's sister.
What about Lilotte?
She's still back there! 
Do you think she's in danger?
I'd like to assure you otherwise, but Julith only ever did evil.
But why? 
What does she want?
The destruction of Bonta.
And for that, she needs the dragon's soul within you.
Everything dates back to the night when Jahash sacrificed himself.
When the two Dofus collided, the Ebony Dofus shattered, and the dragon's soul it contained fled into your infant body.
Julith seeks to restore the Ebony Dofus' power by bringing back the dragon's soul.
I didn't know that was possible, otherwise I would have buried it forever!
Fortunately, we have a way to counter her, thanks to the Ivory Dofus.
But I thought it was destroyed when Jahash, uh...
when... my father... smashed it against the Ebony Dofus?
Not really. 
After Jahash's death, Kerub hid it to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands.
Your two fathers were true heroes, Joris.
Fine. 
Then let's find the Ivory Dofus quickly and rescue Lilotte.
I won't let anyone harm her!
Well said, Mini-pal!
The best defense is a good offense!
Count on me and your pretty auntie to help you find your...
uh, your Do-Do... your... your Dothingy!
Right?
Let's go, Joris!
Anyway, I'd appreciate it if we made this quick.
We have a final to play tonight!
Err, be careful, there's a step there!
Brrr... we're freezing our gobballs off in here!
The Ecaflip dimension.
I always thought it was a legend.
Only the 22 sons of the god Ecaflip possess its keys;
Julith shouldn't be able to follow us here.
Oh! 
Papycha was a demigod?
Seems so, Joris.
Legend has it that the height of the temples in the sky matches the love the god has for his sons.
But... his temple is all the way at the top!
I guess Kerub was the favorite?
I'm sure that I, too, must have something like that in the Gobbowl dimension.
Um, anyway, when we're done with all this, maybe we could have a drink together, eh?
May I ask what it is you're doing?
I'm doing my maintenance exercises.
This dream body wasn't built through magic. 
Yeaah...
Oh... 
So good... 
Oh...
Hm... 
All hard.
It's strange... 
When we're against each other, I feel the same as when I am about-
TO SCORE A GOAL! 
My heart is racing...
You missed your vocation.
You would have made a nice minstrel.
Has anyone ever told you you have a very pretty voice?
So, are we going yet?
Yes! 
L-let's go! 
We're not here for sightseeing!
I was two seconds away from...
A giant ballsack!
No, nothing like that!
It's Atcham! 
An assassin from Brakmar!
Atcham? 
Papycha told me about him when I was little!
He's... he's one of his brothers! 
And his worst enemy!
And there'sh little Shoris.
Come with me, your mommy ish waiting for you.
No! 
She's a murderer!
Begone, Atcham, or you'll regret it!
Really, little moushe?
I have chewed tougher prey than you!
Shoris! 
If you come now... – I promishe nothing will happen to your little friend.
– Lilotte!
All right, we shook him off.
Hey! 
Hey, psst! 
PSST!
Look!
Impressive, right?
Khan... 
I'm so sorry for you.
Why?
I don't know any spell that can make someone intelligent!
Huh?
Lilotte! 
He had Lilotte's bell!
We have to go save her!
Calm down, Joris.
That is exactly what Julith is counting on.
We have no way to help your friend at the moment.
Let's find the Ivory Dofus so we can save Lilotte.
In the meantime, let's avoid Atcham.
Facing him directly would do us no good.
Hey! 
Smells like a locker room in here!
Have you ever visited a locker room, Bakara?
No thanks!
What's that noise?
Don't get too close, Joris.
Pupuces! 
We're in a nest of Pupuces!
What...? 
How revolting!
I have one back home... 
They look terrible, but they actually have really soft skin...
Are they aggressive?
No, usually they're nice, but two things make them go crazy: blood and hair...
Hair? 
They're attracted to hair? 
I'm doomed!
I have a little bit too, but it hasn't been there for very long...
There's no time to hesitate, anyway.
Joris!
Mini-pal!
For Lilotte!
They're chewing on him!
Bakara, my passer is being chewed on! 
Do something!
Bakara, my belly's growling...
The dragon is protecting you, Joris.
Hey! 
Don't leave me!
Come on, Joris. 
Let him take care of himself.
– We have no time to lose.
– Help!
Mini-pal!
No! 
I already left Lilotte behind, I will not leave Khan!
You came back, Mini-pal...
Kerub's temple is just ahead. 
We're almost there.
Let's go, Joris!
Come on! 
First one up there wins a date with auntie Bakara!
He's so tiresome!
Why do you say that? 
He's super nice to you.
The giant ballsa-
Khan!
This puts an end to that date thing!
This is Papycha's temple? 
But... it's empty!
There must be an entrance somewhere.
We meet again.
I like women who prefer acshion to convershashion.
Well, little moushe, I think we're done playing.
Let go of my aunt, Atcham!
Being evil won't make you hairier!
You should show more reshpect kiddo,
I could ashk my friend to shwallow yoursh.
Hey, there's a warm spot here if you want.
My... vermin die hard.
And don't forget your little friend.
You wouldn't want anyshing bad to happen to her, right?
Give me that bell.
Handsh off!
You dare lay a hand on me?
What did you do with Lilotte?
– W-w-we are r-re-ready to a-assemble the mechanism, mistress.
– Good.
W-w-what about the k-kid the dragon is hi-hi-hiding in?
Atcham is taking care of him.
And I have something here that assures me he will be on time.
L-la-lady Julith has planned e-ev-everything once ag-again.
So, it seems you're my son's best friend?
None of your business.
Well for your sake, I hope that he likes you enough to be on time for our appointment.
Joris, your pretty aunt is going to have a hard time turning me down for a date after this...
Wow! 
Are... are you holding up that boulder?
That's amazing!
Know that I never do anything less than amazing, Mini-pal...
Bravo, Khan. 
You've finally made yourself useful...
Come Joris, let's try to find the entrance to the temple.
Stay away from him, Joris. 
He got what he deserves.
But we can't leave him like that!
If I help you, do you promise to leave us alone?
Ah, dream on, Shoris!
Ash shoon ash I'm out of thish, I'll take care of you!
I found the entrance!
Come help me, Bakara!
I can't do it!
We're going to regret this, Joris.
He's Papycha's brother, he's part of our family!
Nonshenshe!
I didn't ashk you for anyshing!
But... we can make a shmall trushe.
Fine, but don't forget: 
I've got my eye on you.
Ready, Joris? 
Let's go!
Go on, Mini-pal, I'll catch up with you!
'Kay, we'll wait for you down there!
There we go.
What is this place?
We've activated my brother'sh temple, and knowing Sherub, it musht be full of shtupid trapsh.
And what do we have to do?
We will shoon find out!
Err, something's going on, right?
Don't do that again, Atcham!
Do what?
Using my friends like you just did!
Oh, I get it!
It's a variant of a game Papycha and I often played.
You have to move to the squares identified by the dice.
And above all, don't move while the Catseye is watching you.
Do we really have to go again?
Four! 
Alright, let's go then!
Five! 
We must work in teams!
Khan, with me, the square to your right!
I knew there was a spark between us.
Love at first strike.
Atcham, why do you hate Kerub so much?
I can't believe he would have harmed you!
No hair ekshept for thish one on my tongue!
Quite the opposhite of big brother Sherub.
But it's not his fault!
Perhapsh, Shoris, but when you have a pasht like mine, you need shomeone to blame.
Bakara, I... 
I think I love you.
Uh... 
You know, love is a complicated thing, Mr. Karkass.
Especially when one side isn't interested.
And me, do you think it's always been easy to live with this head and little body?
But Papycha always said that Ecaflips like him were a dime a dozen!
While there are no other boys like me.
To him, I was unique, and I'm sure he thought the same about you!
And how could you possibly love me?
You don't even know what love is.
Ah, but that's wrong!
I love myself.
And believe me, it's not so easy because I am very demanding.
Oh, a smile! 
I was starting to think you had prissy lips.
You can cuddle later!
Thish ish the moment of truth.
Oh, ish that... ish that a Dofush? 
The Ivory Dofush...
So that's a Dofus? 
Well it's not very big.
Bakara Jürgen and Atcham Crepin, the Beauty and the Bald.
It's hard to live in the shadow of a big brother, isn't it?
Jahash Jürgen, Huppermage Supreme and savior of Bonta.
We both know it, Bakara, whatever you do, you'll never be able to fill his shoes.
It was never my intent...
Oh, come on, it's between us, let it go, loosen up, and imagine what we could do together.
You could be your true self.
And you, poor ol' buddy, quite mad aren't you?
– At HIM, the hairy one.
– Sherub!
Yeah, that one. 
You're so hung up on him that you can't even pronounce his name.
Have you ever seen someone hairier than him?
No! 
Never sheen hairier than him!
Thanks to me, YOU could be the hairiest.
Oh, and here's my favorite champion, the Gobbowl legend.
Even one plus one couldn't make two like him.
Khan Karkass!
Well yeah, that's me.
No, but seriously, aren't you fed up?
Err, fed up with what?
Now, Khan, for real, you've been dedicating yourself to Bonta for ten years.
You think those ungrateful people would throw a party in your honor?
No, buddy, no, no! 
I say enough is enough.
With me you could afford a great party, you could play a game in your own honor.
Throwing passes to yourself, I would be your love gobball, your "Dofball", and I even glow in the dark.
Awesome!
And you Joris, host of Grougalorasalar, you...
Just tell me what you want and be done with it, I have a friend to save.
What!
? 
Look here, you could show a little more respect, don't you know who I am?
Of course I know who you are!
Because of this Dofus business, I never knew my parents!
And I just lost my grandpa!
Oh, is this how you see things? 
Interesting.
Yet thanks to me, you could save Lilotte.
Joris!
Well, there's just one problem, folks:
there's only ONE Dofus, and um... four of you.
Well then, Jojo, did you botch your start?
Papycha taught me there is always a price to pay, what do you expect from me?
How serious you are, you remind me of, um... your father.
Tell me your price to save Lilotte!
Oh, my price isn't very high, Joris.
I want you to become my guardian.
Your... your guardian?
Yes. 
As were your fathers Jahash and Kerub, and like them, I know you won't use me for ill intent.
You have values, Joris, and believe me, that's what this world needs the most.
Fine, I agree.
Great!
Oh, one last thing...
Papycha!
He's an Ecaflip demigod, Joris.
As such, he has nine lives.
It's now your turn to be a dad, are you ready for it?
Joris has returned to Bonta.
He chose you?
Well done, Joris!
You are following in your father's footsteps.
The Butcher!
Don't call me that, Joris. 
I am your mother.
And I wish I'd never found out! 
Where is Lilotte?
Right here, as promised.
Joris!
Come with me, and I will let her go.
Joris! 
If you go with her, the whole city will pay the price!
I can defeat you with this!
My child... 
I have so much to tell you...
It's time to answer for your crimes, Julith!
Bakara, what are you doing?
I'm saving Bonta, little fool!
Easy, doll, you'll end up hurting someone.
You, the token moron, don't you dare lay another finger on me!
Bakara, you've lost your mind!
The one time I really care for a girl...
Good luck with your family affairs, Mini-pal!
It's best we meet up on the field at tonight's match!
And don't be late!
Bakara! 
Stop! 
You'll kill him!
He's Papycha's brother!
If you want to hurt him, you'll have to deal with me first!
I'm doing what is necessary to save the city.
I'm doing what's right!
You don't know what's right!
That's why the Dofus didn't choose you!
This is all YOUR FAULT!
I've dreamed of the day I'd make you pay for the death of my brother!
I never lied to you.
I'm not the one who unleashed the Ebony Dofus on Bonta.
I loved your brother, Bakara.
Shut up, LIAR!
I have but one goal...
To bring back Jahash.
To rebuild my family. 
Nothing more.
That's impossible. 
You're lying! 
AS ALWAYS!
Enough fooling around, Bakara.
Atcham?
You sacrificed yourself for me? 
But... why?
That's what family does... right?
You came back to save me, Joris...
Here.
I'm sure my mother wouldn't have hurt you.
Is it true, what you said?
You want to bring my father back?
That's why you did... what you did?
Yes, I promise.
And we'll be a real family again?
A real family.
But... we are your real family, Joris!
Yeah! 
Here we are, finally gathered in the Great Bonta Stadium! 
Woohoo!
To conclude these three days of celebration in honor of our hero and savior, Jahash Jürgen! 
Woohoo!
As for the king, he should be joining us very soon.
This evening promises to be mega-memorable!
Trust me, tonight will go down in Gobbowl history!
They eagerly await you, Mr. Karkass.
Thank you, Alfred.
– Hey! 
That was Khan!
– We love you, Khan!
– I heart you!
Guy!
Oh yes!
Ah! 
Finally! 
Oh my oh my, here's our great champion!
What are you losers doing in my dressing room?
My, how exhausted you look!
Exhausted, and then some.
So get lost and let me put on my shorts.
There's a final waiting for me!
Tut-tut! 
There's a change of plans, Khanny-poo.
There's a final waiting for ME.
Hey! 
What's going on!
I'll ruin your glorious reputation forever!
You'll regret treating us like poo!
Guy! 
For the love of me, call the guards!
YOU REVOLTING, HAIRY NARCISSIST!
YOU'LL FINALLY GET THE LESSON YOU DESERVE!
Well said, Guygoo! 
Come on guys, get this loser outta my sight!
"Loser"?
Don't be afraid, it's under my control. 
Follow me.
It looks like Bonta's Gobbowl team's first mascot!
Your father was a great Gobbowl fan.
You made this?
Yes. 
This is what will allow us to resurrect Jahash.
Underpants?
I knitted these wool briefs for him, when I was pregnant with you.
It's time to bring your father back, Joris.
Are you ready?
Yes...
Mom. 
Hello my lil' Pupuce! 
I've never seen you so active.
... Lilotte?
Hello, Luis! 
You're in a sorry state, old bud...
Oh... 
That's... 
Kerub?
And Joris? 
Is he...?
He's fine. 
He found his real family.
What about her? 
Is she dead?
... Unfortunately, no.
Stop whining, you only got what you deserved.
No more, no less.
I know... 
I'm a good-for-nothing.
I betrayed everyone... killed Atcham...
That Dofus knew his stuff, didn't he!
He'd rather have a kid for a guardian!
Ever since my brother died, I've had this ball of hate, right here, in my belly.
And then one day, I'm told that this ball, well, it had no reason to exist!
Yeah, yeah.. 
Come on, gimme that.
And then what, lil' Lilotte?
Do you think that buh-ball just disappears?
Oh, no! 
It GROWS!
I can't believe she's going to resurrect Jahash.
I never learned that in Hupperschmuck school.
They don't teach that in Bonta's Hupperschmuck school, because that's dark magic.
Drunk magic!
?
DARK magic!
Don't be afraid. 
You'll be all right.
Can you manage?
I can feel his fear... 
He's...
He's even more scared than I am...
You are very brave, Joris.
I am proud of you.
Hide yourselves, idiots!
Can't you see the time has come?
Mom... 
What's happening?
Julith!
She must sacrifice a thousand lives to bring back Jahash!
I saw a machine in the sewers, it was under the stadium!
She wants to use the spectators!
You warn the Übermages that the game must be canceled!
I'll hold her off!
Fellow Bontarians! 
YEAH!
I hope you're all comfortable 'cause the king has joined us, along with the beautiful Grimalkine sisters. 
Woo!
Which means that the game can finally begin!
And believe me or not, the legendary Khan Karkass, who needs no introduction, has decided to play four against five!
Here he is, our champion!
Khan!
Hi, everybody!
But! 
By the Holy Gobbowl!
What has he done to his magnificent hair?
Let's hope this fashion faux pas does not start a trend, ladies and gentlemen!
Let me go already!
That's the second time we've caught you today.
Next time, you're off to the kennel.
But I'm telling you we have to cancel the game and evacuate the stadium!
Hey! 
Kid...
You... 
I saw you at the tryouts.
Um, yes, but no, it's me, Khan! 
Khan Karkass...
Marline swapped our bodies to destroy my reputation...
'Kay. 
I believe you. 
But we have more important things to deal with than your little problems.
Julith's going to resurrect Jahash by killing everyone in the stands.
Bakara's trying to stop her, but she's totally drunk so I think she's going to get herself killed!
Kill my fans? 
That woman is crazy! 
We have to stop her!
Oh! 
Excellent!
Go ahead, I'll catch up...
No way! 
We're in this together 'til the end!
Oh dear... 
Oops!
Julith!
Joris *hic!
* *hic!
* oops, sorry.
I apologize for lying to you and-
You're too late, little Bakara. 
Everything is set.
But, but-but-but... 
I've never seen anything like this!
What's got into our star of the playing field?
A red card for Khan Karkass!
Unbelievable! 
This is the death of a legend!
How do you like your new hairstyle, Khanny-poo?
Guygoo came up with the idea!
Huh? 
Oh! 
What the- oh! 
Ah!
What's going on?
By my ancestors! 
What is this madness?
We told you this game was not a good idea!
Oh, but you tell me so many things...
Huppermages! 
Let's deal with her!
The best for last!
Mom! 
Mom, stop, I'm begging you!
Look! 
Joris and Bakara are up there!
Joris!
Lilotte!
Joris!
Marline?
Huh? 
No, Mini-pal! 
It's me, Khan!
Yes! 
It's a long and horrible story, I'll tell you lateeer!
I'll spare you the details of how I got here...
Lilotte! 
You came back!
Woof! 
In times of hardship, we can count on each other, right?
I'm not your pal for nothing!
You're not just my pal, you're my best friend!
Khan, I apologize for... f-for everything.
For calling you an idiot–even though you are one–, for...
Grant me a date, and we're even.
Come on, hurry up! 
Move!
Let me through!
Mom! 
STOP!
Get back if you don't want to be struck by the Dofus!
Julith! 
You must stop this madness!
Let me do this and we will soon have our family back.
All of us.
And how could we live happily with the blood of all those innocents on our hands?
Innocents?
One of those "innocents" stole the Ebony Dofus under my care to unleash it upon the city.
And those "innocents" gave me no chance while I was trying to save them.
I endured years of agony in the sewers of this city, but what hurt the most, Joris was that those "innocents" took you and your father from me.
The only beings who brought meaning to my life!
Mom... 
Dad wouldn't want to come back. 
Not at this cost!
In a few minutes, he will have the opportunity to tell me himself.
I'm not asking you to approve of it, Joris, only to let it happen.
No! 
No way! 
We'll stop you no matter what!
Well. 
You leave me no choice!
There's only one way to stop this!
We must smash the Ivory Dofus against the Ebony Dofus like my father did ten years ago!
Hm... 
That sounds like a Gobbowl game!
I'm your man, Mini-pal!
Alright. 
The key here is teamwork. 
No solo play.
Lilotte is right! 
Although it won't be easy.
They look ready for a fight!
With a good passing game, one of us is bound to reach the goal!
What a beauty!
Hey, Marline!
Get moving!
What is that thing?
You're up for a new tryout!
What the... a new tryout?
Don't screw up! 
You won't get a third chance!
I swear I won't disappoint you, Mr. Karkass!
I made it, my love... 
I brought you back.
This is our last chance!
Whatever happens, don't stop running!
Ooh, missed!
Where is it, where is it, where is it, where is it?
Got it!
I'm taking over, sweetie.
Khan... 
I'll go on that date with you...
BAKARA!
NO!
Huh?
Well... 
Am I in?
You would have made a great passer.
Woof! 
Snap out of it, Joris! 
It's only the two of us now!
Rush to the Dofus and pass it here!
I'm not sure I'll have the strength!
You'll make it, Lilotte! 
I know it!
NOW, LILOTTE!
LILOTTE!
Joris!
Don't be sad, Joris.
Your parents are together again, and at peace.
I didn't even get to know them...
That is not true. 
They were always a part of you.
As they will forever be a part of my brother and I.
What... what about my friends?
I can't do anything...
Only my brother can reverse the process and release their souls...
Don't be afraid. 
I'm here.
No one will ever force you to do evil.
I will protect you. 
Always.
You, and your brother. 
This I swear.
I don't think we will forget this Gobbowl game anytime soon.
Yeah! 
Yeah! 
Yeah, yeah!
Joris! 
JORIS!
JORIS!
Here I come!
– Would you let go of my nose, Lilotte?
– Ow!
– I'm suffocating!
– Me too!
– Those back muscles... Any resemblance to existing characters in the video game DOFUS is purely intentional.
Ankama would like to thank our gaming community from the bottom of our heart.
Many of you have been at our side for years, and it was your support and encouragement that made this movie possible.
Lastly, congratulations to the nine guilds who won our CLASH OF GUILDS contest.
– Ankama Team
Subs by plus4chan
Easy, easy...
Fly, my faithful messenger!
Mr. Karkass...
Hey! 
Can't you see I'm taking a shower?
Yes, sorry, it's about my recruitment into the team.
It still stands?
Oh yeah, um, no, that won't be possible.
But... but you gave me a second chance!
You told me I would make a great passer!
You're right, I said all that...
But only because I thought we were all gonna die!
I hate him!
Khan! 
I'm sorry, but I will have to cancel our first date to think about our relationship.
I am beginning to wonder if I accepted too quickly, thinking we were all about to die.
Tell me it's not true!

Mr Harks.
You're still here? 
- I'm sorry, sir.
Are you done with it? 
- I did not realize that ...
Sit 
- Excuse me, sir.
You set a record. 
No one has so long done.
I'm sorry I wasted your time.
How long would you have gone through with it?
Until it was correct, sir.
It's impossible.
They gave up.
You've made a real impression.
Well done, lad.
Car number 12, I'm in a few minutes.
Number 16 on your right. 
Do not look. 
See it if you need it.
Eight steps to the door. 
Thirteen cars in the street. 
Four streetlights.
Use your eyes and ears, all the rest beliegt you.
Smile. 
We speak as always, nothing has changed.
How many windows in the front of the building?
Nineteen.
Not bad.
Dam!
How are you? 
- Join. 
Have a drink.
We are fine. 
- Good to see you.
Let's see what you have.
You can always learn something new. 
- We will see.
Six months in juvenile detention, four shelters.
Three refusals for college.
You chose me there one out. 
- He's special.
Let him be anywhere else but special. 
Here there is nothing to learn.
It is not a game. 
We're not CIA, we are subcontractors.
We four of us with no safety net. 
You only get one chance.
You think you were better in the beginning? 
Give him a chance.
How many bar stools stand down there?
Six. 
- Brana's table?
Cigarette, ashtray, chess board with sixteen remaining pieces.
Bravo!
Lad. 
What color eyes do I have?
Brown.
He can not see what's right in front of him. 
He is a child.
He gets even slain us. 
- He's young, but he's special.
Nineteen windows, four lamps, thirteen cars. 
Use your eyes. 
Okay.
No, I ... 
- You are now in Serbia, kid.
Alex, I think you're ready. 
But if you think not, tell me now.
Come here!
Come on. 
Relax a bit and have fun. 
Enjoy it.
I understand.
Have you ever fished on the Paint River?
Me neither.
Every summer my father and I went to the river.
But we have never fished. 
Not once.
He put an easel and began to paint.
The water, the birds ...
He taught me to see. 
Do not paint the bird but the light and the shadows.
The bird is just something we have invented.
He was the wisest man I've ever known.
For hours I stood behind him and watched him work.
No, keep that. 
- Are you sure?
You are now part of the family.
Rookie, look in your left pocket.
In case your diaper full of shit.
Had they no cheaper radio? 
- I bought it on the sale of your mother.
Shut up, you two. 
It's time. 
Are you ready for it?
Everything looks fine. 
I am ready.
Everybody ready? 
Striker?
Keeper? 
Stick to the plan.
Keep your eye on the goal, rookie.
Do you follow? 
- Okay.
Hey. 
Sorry. 
You can not park here.
What happens there?
- You can not park here.
I do not understand ...
The second ...
You can not park here. 
- Send him away.
Can you...
You can not park here. 
- Just one second.
Put the woman in the car. 
- You have to put you back in the car.
I want to pass. 
Let me pass.
Okay, then quickly.
- What are you doing, rookie?
Put that woman in the car! 
Now!
Move the damn car!
Damn. 
Do not stand there.
Make room damn it, now!
She had a baby with him. 
There is now free space.
Hello?
Someone?
Is there...
Listen, kid. 
Think about it carefully...
Stay calm. 
Do the right thing.
What happens there?
Fucking pigs.
No, the police first came. 
I can not do anything.
I remember nothing. 
I landed two hours ago.
No, I do not have access.
They do not even see the bodies to me. 
Nobody takes risks.
I'm just that damn kid.
That is enough, I thought so.
Forgive me. 
Prescribed procedure.
Go. 
Get out of here.
In 20 years have I ever seen anything like this.
Jesus, son ...
The local police will not talk to me. 
I have only you.
That woman murdered Daniels' team in 30 seconds.
That was our best team. 
- Yes, I'm aware of.
How to enter a woman and four experienced officers dead?
I do not know.
If we want to find her, I need more than a hat and coat.
She must sit down somewhere in a database. 
What do you think?
I need details. 
How do they look like?
I do not know.
How do you mean? 
You held the door open for her. 
They stood a meter from you.
Think! 
Use what you have learned.
What are you doing, rookie?
I'm sorry, sir. 
I do not know. 
- Sorry?
Daniel must have lost his assessment.
Sir. 
- Yes?
Excuse me.
My ex-wife lied to me.
She told me that she went on wellness weekend.
And another one. 
And another one.
Why are you laughing? 
Do you think that's funny?
Listen, kid. 
Think carefully about this.
Stay calm. 
Do the right thing.
It was your first assignment.
You let her in the building. 
You can not describe it.
And they'll kill everyone. 
Except you.
Is there anything you want to tell me? 
- I guarded the entrance, that's all.
Who do you work? 
- It was not me.
What happened? 
You have betrayed them. 
- No, he spoke to her.
She was talking to you! 
- I did not kill them!
I did not fucking kill them.
Do not worry.
We solve this.
Hello.
I'm Douglas Waxbury.
I'm sorry I'm late. 
I've flown all night.
Patience.
I am here to help you remember.
It is always in the details.
Sometimes the most insignificant things that bring everything together.
Have you experienced this?
I tried, but I can not remember her face.
Let's do a breathing exercise. 
It is a form of yoga.
Take a deep breath. 
In through the nose, the lower back.
Hold your breath for two seconds, and exhale.
One two.
Close your eyes and do it ten times.
Excellent. 
Close your eyes.
Continue. 
You're doing great.
You could break your neck.
help right here.
Do not do that again.
The more you move, the more it will hurt.
Do not move.
Could you move your finger, please.
Well, I'll do it for you.
There.
It's alright.
You're doing really well.
What about the ring finger?
I will help you.
we have the middle finger?
Yes? 
Then we do the middle finger.
Do you remember anything?
Beautiful.
Speak into the microphone.
Speak here.
He is gone. 
Go!
Fucking dick!
Get out of there, dick! 
Filthy pig!
Out!
I fuck your whole family. 
Your animals.
Cursed be he who sent you here.
Dick! 
Pig! 
Go away!
Dick!
He's awake. 
You told me nothing. 
Welcome.
Are you hungry? 
Want something to eat?
He says, "Go away or we call the police."
No no. 
Welcome. 
Are you hungry? 
- Yes. 
Thank you.
"Hvala." 
- Daniel's boy. 
Very nice.
My Anja care of you.
Hey. 
Hey! 
Sorry. 
You can not park here.
I do not understand. 
-You Can not park here.
What happens there? 
- You can not park here.
The second.
The woman gets out.
Okay, I will now take care of your arm. 
- No do not bother. 
It's alright.
Okay, good luck.
Okay. 
- Okay what? 
Want to help?
That is enough. 
Thank you.
The plastic bag was a stupid idea. 
The wound can be infected.
He is old. 
He can not help you.
I just needed a place to sleep. 
- Leave him in peace.
I am leaving in the evening.
THE FRONT DOOR
She had a baby with him. 
There is now free space.
SHOT 1
Hey? 
Someone?
Is there...
DANIEL: "ISA VRATA". 
Footsteps. 
SHOTS 2/3.
COMBAT SHOT 4
Listen well, zero. 
So think about it.
Stay calm. 
Do the right thing.
SHOTS 5/6.
SHOT 7
FOOTSTEPS
How do they do that? 
Why were they not ready?
"Isa door".
SCHOT 1 DANIEL: "ISA DOOR".
What is that?
Leave him alone. 
Let him.
Let go of me, you pig!
There at the end.
Extinguish the lights.
Here is good.
Dank u.
And thank your grandfather. 
He's lucky to have you.
"Isa Vrata" is not a name.
It means "behind the door."
Dank u.
Your eyes on the goal, rookie.
How are you? 
- Fine.
Hey. 
Sorry. 
You can not park here.
How you doing, man?
She had a baby in itself is again free space.
Hello?
Someone ...?
Is there...
"Isa door".
Listen, kid. 
Think carefully about this. 
Stay calm.
Hello?
Someone?
Is there...
"Isa door".
Listen, kid. 
Think carefully about this. 
Stay calm.
Do the right.
He's so stupid ...
Good evening. 
- Good evening.
"Isa door".
Do not move.
I did not. 
I told you.
There was a woman. 
She came in through that door.
Sorry, kid. 
It does not matter anymore.
Go! 
Go!
Someone let her in.
Out.
No. 
Do not stop here. 
- Out of my car.
We have helped you enough. 
Out. 
- They're following us.
I'm going home. 
- No, you'll lead them straight to the bar.
Please?
Why do you do that?
My mother gave it to me.
They said it would protect me ... from danger.
Sorry.
Why do not you leave?
Cross the border. 
I know someone in Sofia who can help at home.
Have you ever been in Grundy, Virginia? 
- No.
When I was five, a bank was robbed by a man while he held his son.
He took the money and left his son crying behind the parking lot.
That's where I come from.
Daniel saw something in me.
You know how that feels?
I can not return. 
I have to fix this.
You need some sleep.
Try to relax and look.
You're talking to a friend. 
Look around you. 
Do you see anything unusual?
Nothing.
Take what you want. 
I say nothing. 
- Who is she?
Just take what you want.
What is he saying? 
- He thinks you want to steal from him.
Who uses your door? 
Your "vrata". 
Who uses your door?
Who uses your door?
I have to go.
You can not ... 
- Do you speak English?
What they pay you for it? 
- He paid me.
A guy gave me 5000 for one night in my apartment.
What says he, Alex? 
I can not hear it.
I can not hear anything. 
What is he saying?
Alex?
Alex.
They're gone. 
I can not see them.
Black jacket and gray scarf. 
Yes?
Blond.
Brits.
Very large. 
British.
I did not know he would kill someone.
I did not know.
Where is he?
True?
Left pocket, rookie.
In case your diaper full of shit
Listen, kid. 
Do the right thing.
He does not even know what is right for him.
It is always in the details.
Sometimes the most insignificant things that bring everything together.
Anja?
Anja, we should go. 
Come here, Anja.
What can I do for you? 
I do not know...
I do not know what to do.
Anja, I'm so sorry.
The car is not there now.
He was hired here, but let me see ...
He was delivered three days ago in Mokra Gora.
Where is that? 
- That is a town in the mountains.
This?
Keep searching. 
- To what? 
There's nothing here.
I do not know. 
There must be something.
Who is there? 
I'll call the police.
He says he has called the police.
No movement! 
- We do nothing.
It's alright.
What is normal? 
- No care. 
Everything is fine.
Police. 
I'm not afraid of you.
We look only at the van.
It's not yours. 
- That's true.
I'll call the police. 
The police will want money, if you look at the car.
Money? 
Here.
Do you know who has cleaned? 
- Yes I. It was me.
Did you find anything?
So that's what you're looking for, you pig.
Yes. 
- So you found something?
Can you show me? 
- Yes.
Take this.
I'll show you something. 
Come on, American boy.
Yes, and I'll beat your ass, motherfucker. 
Come on in.
Looking for this?
Are you here looking for? 
Perverse American. 
Dick.
I want more money for them. 
Serbian more money.
Listen, kid. 
Think about it carefully. 
Do the right thing.
It is always in the details.
You see this not clear.
Do not paint the bird. 
Paint the light and shadows.
He does not even know what is right for him.
I think you're ready.
Goddamn!
He was wrong.
There is nothing special about me, is not it?
What have I missed?
Keys? 
- On the floor.
What are you doing?
This is the same car. 
Same blue Volkswagen.
What?
I'll be right back.
It is Louis.
What are you doing?
What are you going to do?
Drive back to the main road and wait there.
It will be fine.
Dank je.
Stay calm. 
Do the right thing.
Jesus.
You live.
Come here. 
Are you okay?
What are you doing? 
- What do you mean?
What is going on?
I assume that this is a surprise.
I'll take the gun.
I'd be lying if I say I'm not impressed.
I thought you would now be sitting in a secret prison.
How did you all get here?
Come with me.
It is too big. 
- Not rush Me.
Put a plate but more on the table. 
Look what I found.
The boy is back. 
I hope you lust mushrooms.
We found a date for him, a little further down the road.
It's alright.
Look at him. 
He would love to make a difference.
It's adorable!
The most difficult secret missions is to find a parking spot, right?
You know why I've chosen?
I knew you would fail.
Eyes and ears, you remember it?
Do you have any idea who you work for, son?
Do not you understand that? 
We are not a family. 
Nobody cares about you.
Thirty years I ran errands for the rich.
That was not what I wanted. 
- You accepted the job.
You accepted the job 
- You too.
My parents turn everyday flowers on my grave.
Is that a job?
So excuse me if I have a little information sold to the highest bidder.
Think of it as a pension.
Alex. 
Word but not in love.
Do not take children.
Do not make friends.
Trust no one.
Do you understand? 
That's the job.
To be good at this job, tie yourself to anyone.
Adi.
Congratulations, you hit the woodpile.
Good luck, Alex!
Kill him.
He taught me to see.
You are now part of the family.
No, no problem. 
Calm now but.
Okay, good. 
That is perfect. 
See you tomorrow.
The kitchen? 
- Four minutes.
Making forth. 
What are you doing? 
- I only found it under the sink.
Burn it. 
We have no time.
In orde? 
- And.
No more hair. 
Whether we have been
The plane will be ready within 10 minutes. 
Is the bathroom clean?
I knew that guy was a mistake. 
- You have not done the bathroom.
He wants to see you in the bathroom.
Why does she take so long?
Is that not so sweet. 
Go away.
The bathroom, come on! 
- What if she's hurt? 
We can not leave her.
Wherever she is, she thinks probably not yours.
Get the cramp.
Get in the car!
Blix, get the fuck in the car!
Come on. 
We have to go. 
- We can not leave her.
What if she's hurt?
It is $ 100 million, or life imprisonment.
Come on. 
She's probably right.
Now step into the car.
It's me. 
We are on our way.
No, but start. 
We are almost at the tarmac.
Six minutes. 
Maybe less.
Wait. 
Do you see that?
Stop the car. 
Stop the damn car!
What should I do? 
- Did you see that light? 
That is Adi.
Go! 
- Fucking bullshit.
Adi?
Adi!
How many steps to the car, Blix?
Shoot him.
Shoot him.
How are you? 
- Good.
Behind the door.
Listen, kid. 
Think about it carefully.
Stay calm. 
Do the right thing.
Wait, Alex.
Tomorrow is the suitcase $ 100 million waard.
You give it to someone else, then get to the Rolexes.
Wait a second. 
Do not waste your life to idealism.
It does not exist. 
It is not pretty.
Goodmorning gentlemen.
I know it's not much, but many do not have one.
We appreciate what you've done. 
- Thank you sir.
That said, it's not much, but do not have much single.
We appreciate what you've done.
How's the arm? 
- Good.
If you're ready to call here.
Thanks again.
Good job.
Sorry about the arm.
You too?
Vertaald door "Ask"

The Joseon Dynasty lost the war to the Qing Dynasty.
A Princess of the Joseon Dynasty must marry the Prince of the Qing Dynasty as a respect to the winning party.
Hwansulsa Hwan Hee is the most sought after magician in the "Moorangroo", a popular red-light district area in Uiji of the Joseon Dynasty.
He entertains the people with his unique talent.
The people know him as Hwan Hee the Magician and named the stage as "No" (Moo), "Full of Light" (Rang), Morangroo.
Next, welcome to those who just came back from Jeonbuk.
Welcome to Moorangroo.
The famous Magician Hwan in Uiji, Hwansulsa Hwan Hee please come to the stage.
Our pride.
CHOSUN MASOOLSA THE MAGICIAN
Come on, focus!
...One... 
Two... 
Three!
Is this magic?
He only does cool performance by himself.
Gongju's wedding have to be postponed, because of heavy rain.
[Gongju 
- The Princess]
How is the people in the convoy?
Did they stop for a while in Uiju?
Yes, as planned by Naeuri.
They decided to rest for a while.
[Naeuri 
- Salutation given to the Leader of the convoy, Ahn Dong-Whi]
How many are they?
The people in the wedding convoy?
At least 500.
What is this?
How can this happen?
Hwan!
Why did this box fall?
Why does the Hwansulsa Hwan Hee leave the stage in hurry?
To know more, please come again tomorrow night.
Tomorrow night, everyone.
Hang on! 
Aha!
Two Nyang... 
Two Nyang.
[Nyang 
- Joseon's currency]
Hwan Hee, take this...
No! 
No!
What are you doing?
Who do you think you are?
Take him out!
Why? 
Are you pretending to be my Nui again?
[Nu-i: 
Older Sister]
Let me go! 
Let me go!
It's ok.
Everything will be fine.
Damn it!
Come on!
This side! 
This side!
Lower the carriage!
Naeuri, the road is slippery because of rain.
We better use a different path for the safety of the Princess
Everybody is busy eating.
She doesn't even eat her porridge.
Is she really a Princess?
I don't think so. 
Her family is just a neglected royal.
Guard Han!
Yes?
Go to Uiju!
Yes sir.
Why do you have to be difficult?
You don't even eat.
Why? 
Are you afraid I will die of hunger?
The future will be difficult.
You are still young.
Don't give up easily.
Even though you are not a royal, when you die, you're gonna die as the Queen (Wangbi).
You should know that you are the pride of your family.
I will do my best.
Your older brother Lee Jang Soon will be appointed as Jongpalpum.
[Jongpalpum 
- Junior officials no 8]
Your little brother Lee Jeong Eun will be appointed as Jonggupum.
[Jonggupum 
- Junior officials no 9]
Give way to the Princess!
Take a look at this place, why do you have to find anywhere else?
They all want to live in Uiji.
Pyeongyang, Hamheung even the Qing Dinasty's people come all the way to live here.
Now I know.
This is a small city.
And because we are here, all of them are not allowed to come to the city.
Today, the Princess who's going to marry the Dynasty Qing's Prince will pass by here. 
Do you know about it?
The wedding convoy is about 500 people.
If one of them drinks two glasses, 14 glasses at one go, So 14 times 500, how much it will be?
700 Nyang.
[The answer is 7000]
People who goes to school is brilliant.
[He was mocking him for wrong answer]
Master Kim ordered we should make these Hanyang people pay a lot before they can leave.
- Master Kim ordered we should make these Hanyang people pay a lot before they can leave?
- Then we will get the money?
We will get the money?
We have to make sure they visit the gisaeng first.
[Gisaeng - government's legal entertainers]
Why do you need lots of money?
Our status is still the same.
So yo don't want money?
You're all already fighting just because of this?
You should be thankful.
Got it?
You're all rich.
There are so many other people die of hunger.
You're really good in making chaos.
Why are you like this?
Don't do this!
Why do you have to do this to Bo Eum?
You have to appreciate Bo Eum sometimes.
If not because of Bo Eum, Master Kim won't take us in.
We would be gone.
How?
What?
Maybe fall in love and elope.
Die?
Is she the only gisaeng that you like?
[The woman earlier who gave him the drug]
There are other women out there.
Who wants to be with you.
Answer me, is she dead?
Is this important?
The drug she gave you is not the normal opium.
It is mixed with poison.
In the beginning your anxiety will disappear.
You will sleep well.
3 months later you will have halucination.
Your arms and legs are starting to paralyse, right?
I am going to see others to get them to work.
Please make peace with each other.
Why are you doing this?
You have been with Kim Gap Seo too long.
So you are different now?
You are the one who suggested we leave this place.
And you are the one who suggested we build this stage.
Nui...
Now I am not happy to do any show.
Can we not be the way we used to?
Travel freely.
You sing and I do magic.
Hwan Hee, this is not the good time for this.
Gwi Mol is still looking for us.
If it was not because of Kim Gap Seo
We are already dead.
You call this life?
You are beaten everyday.
Why do you need to be a magician?
If I am a magician, no one will look down on me.
And I can get lots of money.
The first thing I would do with the money is treating your eyes.
And I am going to find your parents.
It's ok if I can't see.
I have nothing to see.
You don't wanna see me?
Bo Eum...
Bo Eum...
Bo Eum, do you know who's coming to the show?
Today we are going to show them our great performance.
Try again.
Good! 
Good!
To those who don't believe, do it yourself.
If not, I'm going to show you that the girl in the box is still alive.
Hwan Hee...
Next is my turn.
I'm scared.
What've happened?
Someone die?
Laoye...
Guards!
Catch him!
Catch him!
Catch him!
Hold my hand.
Don't show any mercy to him!
- Wait here!
- Hwan Hee!
Hwan Hee!
Just go!
Do you think you can just run after you betray me?
Nui!
I won't let you die easily!
Hwan Hee!
Nui, hurry up!
Over here! 
Over here!
Don't move! 
Don't move!
Let me go! 
You're gonna be sorry.
Let me go!
I am Bo-Eum, nice to meet you.
Even though she's blind,
Her acupuncture is way better than any other healers.
She can read your future better than others.
Try read mine, here..
You have a good aura.
Hot-blooded.
Need the help of the wind.
That's right.
You can make a tree burn on fire.
Here, there's a woman...
I've had too much. 
I'm leaving.
He doesn't have manners.
One, two, three.
What are you doing!
Please welcome our great magician.
Your admirers gave you flowers and gifts.
Joseon Paldo.
What is it? 
Are you hurt?
It's nothing.
Hyeong-nim, I'm sorry.
Really sorry.
Please forgive me.
Forgive me.
I deserve to die.
Damn it! 
You can't do your job properly and still you wanna be a magician?
Please forgive me.
Useless!
Hey! 
Come here!
We are toasting for you.
Why do you toast for him?
He's just a lowly magician.
Come, give us a spectacular show!
I'm sorry, I'm not ready.
Ready?
So you were just playing us with your show?
What did I say?
He's an actor not a magician.
Ah right!
Have you seen his eye?
Look here!
- Look at his right eye!
- Where? 
Where?
His right eye is blue
Oh really, interesting
Interesting.
Take a look at it.
Now you have walked 100 steps.
Let's go home.
I have been in the carrier for 5 days 4 nights, I can barely straighten my legs.
Yes I am aware.
But what if Neuri know?
I thought they are all at gibang now?
[Gibang - the guest house]
They are not coming home early.
Aigoo, as if you don't know how strict he is.
Can we go home please?
I have headache, my back also hurt so much.
Yes, yes.
I'm sorry for asking you to do this for me.
Yes, yes, you are right.
Princess!
How long do you wanna stay here?
I have already told you, haven't I?
We should stay here, until the weather permit.
Only left 2000 Li (1000km) [1 Li = 0.5 km]
And we need to reach Yodong.
I beg you father.
- Please mister...
- Move!
Mister, I don't wanna go there.
I promise to obey you father, please.
- Agassi! 
Agassi!
- You startled me!
Please help me.
I don't have anything I can offer you.
My children will die of hunger.
Help us.
4 days they have nothing to eat.
Please help us.
Well, here...
- Aigoo!
- Lets go.
Agassi, help me.
Agassi, help me.
Agassi! 
Agassi!
What are you doing here?
Who are you?
If you wanna die, go somewhere else.
This is the only private place, where I can be all by myself.
Don't come near me!
Who do you think I am?
Don't come near me!
Hey!
Don't come near me! 
Don't come near me!
I am not.
Aigoo,...
Hey!
Let me go! 
Let me go!
Let me go!
Hey, are you crazy?
Argh! 
My leg! 
You're pinching my leg!
Hang on!
How dare you touch me!
Argh my nose!
Wait!
You still don't wanna move?
You don't wanna let me go?
Let go of my feet!
You have to get up first.
- Let me go! 
Move! 
Move!
- You first--
How could you do that to me.
I have saved you, you should thank me--
I've never asked for your help.
Yes, right, I am leaving.
I don't want to be killed by bears.
I don't care!
Hey, there's bear here.
This place is Ung-am jeolbyeok.
[Ung-am Jeolbyeok - bear's cliff]
Bear, cliff, bear's cliff.
If you're afraid, follow me down the mountain.
What are you doing?
I am looking for that knife that you threw away.
It's only a knife, why is it so important?
No, I have to find it.
It's more important than my life.
Someone gave it to me.
If it's more important than your life, why did you wanna die?
Who said I wanna die?
I don't wanna die! 
Never!
Err, why are you crying?
Use this!
Here!
Look here!
If you follow that path, you're gonna see the port.
Find a boat heading to Imjin-gang and you stop at Hwangpohang.
People who runaway always head to the north.
Because it is more peaceful.
Never pay the boat drivers in advance, understand?
You are beautiful, your master torment you?
I feel you. 
We are not so much different.
That's why you wanna run away.
Actually, I am a...
The way you yield your knife towards me, looks like you can protect yourself.
Just go.
Why I can't find the Princess in her room?
Well...
Find her quick.
What is it?
Princess!
Where did you go?
It was hot in the room.
So I went outside for a while.
It is much cooler outside.
What happen to you?
It was a long story.
You came through the main gate?
No.
Then... from the hole?
Did you fight with the bear?
This looks like a human bite mark?
Hyeong, don't ask me no more.
She's wild, my heart almost stop because of her.
Your heart stop when you see beautiful women.
Please take good care of your body.
You need to be in good shape, because you are the hope of our 35 people, my wives... my second wife, third wife.
Not to mention the gisaeng I will meet later.
Hyeong, I know.
If I wanna go to heaven, I will prepare enough food and everything for all of you.
Don't worry.
Heaven?
I am scared everytime I hear that.
Hyeong, have you ever heard any girl runaway from her family?
Girl?
No, no.
She didn't know about the bear's cliff
surely she is not from here.
I should have asked her name.
Who?
Who else?
Bear.
The bear?
You fall in love with the bear?
He can fly in the sky.
He was cut in two but he was heal in no time.
He can walk on fire.
And what else?
What else?
Bird! 
Bird!
He can conjure a bird from his bare hands.
Aigoo, this is absurd.
Rumour says one of his eye is blue.
This doesn't make any sense.
You all wanna be punished?
If I could go there again.
Just once.
No!
Pardon me.
That place is not safe.
Only ordinary people go there.
It is not suitable for a Princess.
Do you think I am asking for your permission?
Your job is to protect me.
Not to restric my freedom.
You are suppose to take care of me.
Not to stop me from doing what I want.
I will behave as a Princess.
Don't worry.
You just have to guard me.
Today the ladies from the palace is coming to the show.
The Princess is coming?
Hurry up! 
Put it on the stage.
I don't think she's coming to this kind of place.
Aigoo, poor Princess.
Living in the country like this.
She is sold to the Qing Dynasty at a very young age.
But she is going to be the Queen of the nation.
Queen is only on the name. 
She's going to be a Cheob.
[Cheob - concubine]
All concubines must be more beautiful than the wife so they will be loved more.
[Cheob - concubine, Cheo - wife]
My favourite word is Cheob-cheo.
[homonym with the concubine]
What, please.
Over there, over there.
What is this? 
Why is it like this?
You guys please be careful!
Almost split into two.
Aigoo....
Is it broken?
The ladies from the palace are all beautiful.
This is an honour to us.
Let them enjoy our best show.
I rely on my looks to win, and you rely on your looks to win.
Show them our best performance ever?
Aigoo, the ladies...
Your wound is almost heal!
Practice from this.
I will teach you magic.
People who is supposed to lift the magician can make mistake too.
Attention! 
Attention!
Who are these beautiful ladies?
Aigoo, these are ladies from Hanyang.
Let me see...
Aigoo, so beautiful.
Bell's flower.
Aigoo, so much beauty.
Hibuscus flower.
Aigoo, so beautiful.
Plum flower.
Aigoo, the most beautiful ever.
Gardenia flower.
Right!
Why is there a potato in between the flowers?
Aigoo, I am terrified!
Alright ladies and gentlemen.
We are going to start the show.
The young man who is in the heart of all the young women.
A thief who has taken our heart.
The famous magician in Joseon.
Hwansulsa, Hwan Hee!
Our pride!
Please welcome...
Aigoo! 
So good looking!
Let me see.
Aigoo, Miss Gardenia is going to be our guest of honour.
You are chosen to be his assistant today.
Me! 
I will replace her.
Aigoo, you can't do that.
This is not for you aunty (Oemonim).
Please sit down.
I am ready.
Aigoo! 
Please welcome, Miss Gardenia!
I told you so, didn't I?
You are too beautiful to be a commonner.
You are actually one of the ladies from the palace.
Ah, yes.
I have seen your bad side.
And you wanna pretend that you don't know me?
What are you saying, I don't understand.
Next time, we will meet at where we first met, ok?
But if you don't remember, what can I do.
Do you really think this trick is going to work?
We should find your precious knife.
She's not that bright.
We have to test her again.
These are keys for the lock.
Agassi Gardenia, please secure the lock.
Oh my, Agassi Gardenia is really unique.
Now, his life is in your hand.
If you fail to unlock it, the big knife will cut him into two.
Come on, Agassi...
Hurry up!
Slowly, slowly.
I am not ready to say good bye.
What if I die?
Agassi Gardenia is panicking.
Why can't you unlock it?
Which one is the correct key?
How do I know?
I have no idea.
Please stop talking.
Aigoo, how can this happen?
Hwansulsa-nim is dead, Agassi Gardenia.
Hwansulsa-nim is dead.
What to do now?
Please don't die, Hwansulsa-nim!
Please don't die, Hwansulsa-nim!
We are going to miss you.
Really, really miss you.
Ladies and gentlemen!
Hwansulsa!
Please wait!
Hwan Hee! 
Hwan Hee! 
Hwan Hee!
It was nice, wasn't it?
Those people, they do not know how to be grateful.
I wanted to sell them.
Surely I can find someone who is better than them.
So...
You are a magician too, right?
Can you demonstrate your magic?
Sell me your talent.
Sell your Moorangroo to me.
Together with the magician.
You have no idea.
We are sorry but we would like to ask you.
How was it?
Was it true the big knife fell onto him?
How does he look like, up close?
Princess, we really would like to know.
One question at one time!
Raise up your hand!
Princess.
I am Ahn Dong Hwi.
Regarding today...
Today...
This is the first time you act like a true Princess.
You were brave.
You voice out what you want.
I hope when you are in Cheong-guk, [Cheongguk 
- Qing Dynasty]
You should be like this.
You must be tired.
Please take a rest.
I thought you hated me.
Please rest.
Other city is in war.
Only Uiji is peaceful.
What should we do then?
Stay in the house and eat for years.
Just like that?
I should have done something.
At that moment Ahn Dong Hwi... are already in the past.
Aigoo, is this?
Yeong-gam...
[Yeonggam - honorary officials level 2 or 3]
Yes?
I heard you have the priceless sword of Qing Dynasty.
Do you mean Seojin's sword?
Can I see it?
If people know, me and my family will be punished.
How dare she slapped me?
Especially me, the famous person on Uiji?
- Hey!
- Omoya!
You look good like this.
Why are you stuck like this?
Are your feet getting bigger?
How is it? 
Do you want me to help you?
Don't get this wrong, I just wanna find my knife.
Are you afraid I would think otherwise?
Why?
Do you know them?
I am worried about the hungry children, imagine if I were them.
Lets go!
How can we ignore them?
So, what are you going to do?
The children will die of hunger if we just leave them.
There are other children who are more ill-fated then them.
That is their life.
What?
Why are you looking at me like that?
Mum, I am hungry.
This is so crazy.
I can't believe I'm doing this...
Good.
Aigoo...
This world never change.
Still, I envy those children.
At least their mum didn't leave them.
My parents sold me.
Is that the reason you wanna jump from the cliff?
I don't mean to die.
But at that moment...
Wihout me realising it, I'm already walking towards the cliff.
If I could reach up there,
I'm afraid I will continue to walk till the end.
Where no one can abandon me.
And no one can judge me.
No hatred.
I wanna go to that kind of place.
So beautiful.
I really wanna go to that place.
Where have they been?
Princess--!
Say,
How about the knife?
Oh yes!
Can we meet again tomorrow?
See you again then.
I want to see that side.
Why are looking for the knife?
Why don't you use magic to locate it?
Magic is for show, not in real life.
Jangdo?
What is this?
You don't have to know.
It's done, do you wanna try?
Princess!
Please come in!
Princess.
Jungsa Naeuri asking you to get ready.
[Jungsa - sergeant]
We are leaving early morning tomorrow.
Why all of the sudden?
Yes.
Accoding to him...
There is no cluster of people here.
(No lower and upper class)
All are same.
Aigoo, Princess.
Aigoo, Princess!
The floor is cold, keep the room warm, got it?
Yes.
What do you like to eat?
Please eat food that you like, you will soon get better.
I can't prescribe medicine to you because I am not a healer.
I only came here because I was invited.
If you don't mind, can I read your hand?
Soft as cotton.
Men will like you when they touch your hand.
Beautiful, warm.
You have good luck.
As a woman, you are full of luck.
You will live with lots of love.
How can I be this lucky?
Trust me.
You can stay here for a few days.
How is she?
She has lung infection that could be serious.
She must be treated and she can not travel.
How can she get the infection?
You don't trust any word from gisaeng, then.
We can not stay here any longer.
Tell the Princess!
We should leave as soon as possible.
Whatever happens...
We should leave tomorrow, got it?
I told you this is not an ordinary gisaeng.
She is way better than any other healer.
You are right Jungsa Naeuri.
I am just a lowly gisaeng.
My opinion is not important.
I am leaving.
Let's go.
If you really want to leave, and the Princess will get so sick,
Do you want to be responsible?
If you want, then we should leave immediately.
Seungjeongwon, write it down.
[Seungjeongwon - the secretary of the palace]
Yes.
Hey, is it true?
No other way out?
All are blocked.
Stop!
I said stop!
Damn it?
Stop!
The Princess is not returning home after the wedding?
If she's not treated well, she may return home.
Is she beautiful?
How should I say...?
For those who have seen her, they said she's beautiful.
She will definitely be treated well.
It is difficult to live in this world.
People are willing to kill to survive.
The money from the assasination can be spent for this whole place.
If the payment is 5 Nyang,
The Princess and her sisters could be killed.
To be honest,
Between the pressure from the nation and her difficult lives, she might not live well with her husband.
If she comes back,
Hanyang will be in war.
If I were the Princess, I would just die.
Hey!
Why are saying this?
Don't you know who I am?
Yes.
Yes, yes.
I am a good actor, right?
Not bad!
Nice acting, good.
Be careful.
This is indeed a very good sword.
This is for the King?
Yes?
If you are worried, you can hold me.
Nothing to be afraid of.
Run! 
Hurry up!
We are going up!
Let's go!
Careful!
Nice isn't it?
Damn it...
Do we really have to do this?
Let me go!
Too dark, I'm afraid.
I am hungry.
Let's find honey!
I need to pee.
Come on let's go.
I need to pee! 
Get down!
Not here.
I don't wanna find it anymore.
This is why I went out secretly.
Oh yeah?
Can you teach me magic?
Magic?
There's nothing wrong to learn it.
I can show it to others.
It's kind of difficult.
Magic needs time to master.
Not something you can learn in a few days.
But, it's ok if I teach you.
Look here!
Look here carefully.
Where is it?
Oh!
Since when it was tied up here?
I have no idea.
Let's go!
No money?
How did you do it?
Wow, not bad!
Very good.
Hey, that is Hwan Hee, right?
Yes.
Is this for real?
No.
He has changed.
He doesn't drink alcohol. 
He doesn't do drugs.
He sleeps well.
Hyeongnim, I can see he's different too.
People say if someone all of the sudden change, that person is gonna die soon.
Hey, don't say that.
I mean no harm, this is so unusual.
Yesterday he was looking in the mirror, do you know what he said?
"Hyeong, my eye looks like the ocean, right?"
I really wanna smack him.
Looks like what?
I asked whether the vegetables are salty or not.
If use the sea salt then it is better.
Do you use the sea salt?
Naeuri...
The Sinyeo reported that...
[Sinyeo - ladies from the palace]
The Princess is taking midnight stroll every night.
Don't you dare!
I don't believe it either.
If this rumour spread...
Did you witness the Princess when she sneaked out at night?
No I did not.
Don't bring this up again. 
Tell the ladies to stop gossipping.
I will do it as soon as possible.
April is coming.
Just imagine it is April already.
Wow, it dissappears. 
Really.
Really?
It is here though..
You saw it?
How can I not?
Why are you trying to do magic?
Come on, let's work!
Wait! 
Again please.
How can I not see?
No, it can't be seen.
Then is it my vision?
Wait! 
wait! 
This time I will do it.
Aigoo, aigoo...
Please stop!
Can't see it, really can't see it.
It suits you well.
The weather is so nice.
When did you learn magic?
Since I was young.
At Qing Dynasty.
At Qing Dynasty?
Where else can I live with this kind of eye?
Alienated, bad luck.
But when people saw my magic, they were happy.
That's why I feel great.
Please help my child.
Don't disturb me, go away!
I don't mean it.
This is all lie.
I am only an actor with no talent
I am not a great magician nor a great man but I will do anything to help you.
Trust me.
You said you wanna take a walk with me?
Don't look down, look at me.
The bride jaebae.
[Jaebae - part of Gyobaerye process where both bride and bridegroom bow]
What are you doing, wait till the second announcement.
Get up!
Bride jaebae.
Bow now.
Is this your first time?
Definitely his first time.
He is like you, Hyeong?
The groom carries the bride on his back!
Let me introduce.
This is...
I don't get her name?
I just came from Pungwol-bang.
My name is Sawol.
I am Woo Deok Hu.
You are beautiful.
I am bear--
Hyeong! 
Hyeong!
I am Hong Gi Tak from Moorangroo.
Call me Orabeoni.
Hyeong don't start!
We are not like you who asked others help.
People will believe what you said when they hear it from you, Hyeong.
Don't worry! 
Hwan Hee is always with a gisaeng, but to bring home a gisaeng--
Sawol from Pungwol!
Let's drink.
I don't drink alcohol.
A gisaeng does not drink alcohol?
Sing for us.
Sing.
No, no.
She's a yakbang gisaeng.
She doesn't sing.
[Yakbang gisaeng - gisaeng who treat disease]
What?
No alcohol, no singing?
Let me be the gisaeng then.
Are you sure you are a gisaeng?
Then, what else can you do?
- Orabeoni... 
Orabeoni... 
Orabeoni.
- Hyeong! 
Hyeong!
Give me!
I drink.
She's not a gisaeng.
She's part of the Princess's wedding convoy.
Oh.. the one on the stage--
Yes, the one on the stage!
I can remember her beautiful face.
Please pretend you don't know her.
Then don't say she's a gisaeng.
Don't hurt her feeling.
Nui...
Can we not go back to where we were before?
Travelling freely, you sing and I do magic.
Those people are like family, everyone is happy.
They are all good people.
Family?
I don't know what family is. 
Are we that happy?
Look over there!
It was a crescent when we met first time.
Now is a full moon.
Ah... yes!
Do you wanna see a crescent?
Really?
Crescent.
What?
We have turned back time when we first met.
We are going to meet in the future.
Probably we will feel bored with each other.
Wah!
You scared me...
You gave me a fright!
Who are you?
What are you doing?
Is this a bird house?
So nice.
Look at me!
What's its name?
This is banglang.
[Banglang - traveller]
It loves flying.
Banglang...
Good name.
Giving name to a person is my gift.
By the way, what is your name?
I don't have a name.
Do you want to name me?
Me?
Use your gift and find me a name.
Cheong Myeong.
How about Cheong Myeong?
Cheong Myeong?
It is from the 24th lunisolar position, and I like it so much.
A season where the sky turns bright slowly.
The sky is bright since the day you came, right?
Usually it is cloudy and rainy.
Cheong Myeong.
I like it.
Cheong Myeong...
Is Cheong Myeong here?
Ya, Naueri.
Cheong Myeong is ready for command.
You laugh a lot.
Me?
Why not?
It's not good for a woman to laugh a lot.
Men will look down on you.
I don't laugh like this in front of everyone.
This I want to give it you earlier.
Sorry.
You don't have to.
I thought you said someone important gave it to you?
I used to think I need this so much.
Now no more.
So you can keep it for me.
I used to think when I am going to need it.
Now it is not that important.
Because you can see me everytime when you look at the knife.
No.
I think about you everyday.
I feel uneasy.
What are you doing here at night?
Why are you here at night?
I just wanna take a look at those birds.
Coincidence.
I have something to talk to you.
Let's talk outside.
Let's talk here. 
It is raining outside.
You once said you wanna leave this place.
I have given a thought...
This is not easy.
It will never become reality.
I thought we have discussed on this?
How is our lives now?
I hope you are not making decision harshly which you will regret in the end.
I am leaving.
That is the guardian of this place.
This is our final decision.
Where did you go?
Why are you not answering?
Something is troubling you?
How can I explain?
Princess should know what you are doing.
What you should do is get married to the Qing Dynasty's Prince.
If this matter leaks, do you know what can happen?
Everyone will be punished.
That Hwansulsa too...
I know, I know.
Then...
Can you forget him?
I leave first.
That man... is the only one who treats me like I am a commonner.
Naeuri...
Everything is ready.
Please come in and drink.
No, thank you.
Come in!
You have a daughter right?
Yes.
Don't you miss her?
Of course I miss her.
It's been so long... not sure if she remembers my face
Surely she remembers.
When they grow a bit older children will make this for their fathers who come home after working.
That is from your niece?
How lucky of you to have a niece.
Seeing the Princess, I can understand her feelings.
They are all same.
That's true.
A girl in that age, all are same.
Naeuri!
Naeuri...
We have huge problem.
I thought you are heading to Yongman-gwan.
Then?
I want to go.
The wedding convoy is leaving today.
If not now, I may not see her again.
Who do you mean?
You know who.
Sinyeo from the wedding convoy who was in the bird house.
Sinyeo?
Are we going to meet again after you leave?
Can we?
Antyhing can happen in the future.
You are really good with sweet talking.
Princess...
As promise,
I have a small gift for you.
This is the Princess.
Cheong Myeong!
What are you doing. 
Please bow to her.
Take him out!
What is this?
How dare you are here? 
Don't you know this place?
- Get him out!
- What is this?
Let me go!
What is happening?
The Seojin's sword is missing.
Hwansulsa Hwan Hee is the suspect.
No.
Even though we are performers, we have never steal from anybody.
There must be a mistake.
Like what?
He can trick the guard.
There is evidence he trespassed into Yongman-gwan.
Not me, not us!
He will be taken into custody.
We still don't know where the sword is.
We can't afford to speculate this matter too.
But Sado said...
I want to interogate him directly.
Take him and go!
Hurry up!
Direct interogation?
I got it.
Naeuri, what should we do?
Ahn Dong Hwi will know the truth for sure if he interogates him directly.
I won't let that happen.
With what...
Now... he has biggest problem in his hand.
And we bring him to Hanyang.
If Hwangdae knows the Seojin's sword is missing, [Hwangdae 
- Emperor of the Qing Dynasty]
Ahn Dong Hwi will suffer?
She might not end up well with her husband.
If she returns, Hanyang will be in war.
That Hwansulsa does not steal the Seojin's sword.
I am the witness.
Let me interogate him first.
Go home.
That day, we were together.
- He came to Yongman-gwan to meet me.
- Princess!
Leave!
Yes.
Now...
What do you think you are doing?
You knew it.
He might get closer to you because he wanted to steal the sword.
I was once afraid...
Because of my action.
Something can happen to my family.
But now
I am not afraid anymore.
He hold the authentic sword... at the beginning.
However
When he sheath the sword,
The true sword was swapped by the hwansulsa with the fake sword on his left hand
That trick is originally from the Qing Dynasty's magician.
Please find him.
Please tell the Princess it is not her fault.
No.
You have to take this action.
Naeuri.
If the sword is found, then you are cleared.
Naeuri...
Till then, please hide.
Take this.
This is the magician's study book.
Why are you giving it to him?
You have good hands and reflexes.
If you keep on training using this you will master it in no time.
As of now, you are... the magician in Moorangroo.
No, you are.
You started all this
If you started it, you have to finish it.
If you wanna go, then go!
Over my body!
Step on me!
Please take care of Bo-Eum.
Hwan Hee...
You haven't eaten anything since yesterday.
Princess...
Why is this always happening?
Aigoo! 
This is male shoes, why is it here?
Aigoo...
Aigoo this...
Princess!
Princess!
Princess!
Few days ago there was a magician from the Qing Dynasty came to Uiji.
Get ready to leave!
In that case I--
Princess!
Close all doors and windows!
What is wrong?
I just wanna say goodbye to him.
I will come back.
It won't be long, I promise.
Please.
Let me see him.
If you wanna say anything to that magician, tell me, I will tell him..
right now.
Princess!
Princess!
Give me 3, no, 4 hours.
Within that time you can't leave this place.
Princess!
Do you understand?
Have I been here too long?
It must have been a few seconds.
It's like I am supposed to leave this place.
But...
Where to go?
Do you wanna entertain the guest?
Yes.
You are right.
What are you doing here at my place?
Over the ocean, there is a place called Atlantis.
A place where people with blue eyes like me lives.
What if we go there together?
No one will be sold.
No guards will be watching.
No hatred.
We should go to that kind of place.
Everytime before I sleep...
I always pray.
Please don't let tomorrow come.
Everyday...
However...
After meeting you,
I really wanna live well.
So... tomorrow will be better than yesterday.
I wanna live for so long.
Here, live.
Cheong Myeong...
You should know I have responsibility to my people.
Those people can live if I leave you.
I know.
That is why I am ready.
Cheong Myeong...
I am not Cheong Myeong.
Sorry.
God...
I swear...
I will never change my heart.
From the first time I met you.
There's no brim on the mountain...
The sky and the earth are one.
Thunder in winter...
Snow in summer...
The sky and the earth are one, forever.
When it is time for the end of the world...
When the time comes... then I can forget about you.
Here!
Cheong Myeong!
Cheong Myeong!
This is the new owner of Moorangroo.
What are you doing?
Pour him a drink!
Bo Eum is the favourite gisaeng in Moorangroo.
- She's beautiful.
- Excuse me.
She's very talented.
She's not just... a lowly gisaeng
How can I be famous if it's not because of her?
Not only this.
Singing, dancing, acupuncture, and reading the hands.
Then, could you read my hands?
Please explains!
Who's gonna live longer: you or me.
Kim Gap Seo come out right now!
We need to question you.
Come out right now!
I don't want to create chaos.
So stay here quietly.
Damn it!
Who are those people...
Let them be.
Isn't the sword fake?
You!
Are you crazy?
That was the best chance to steal the sword.
Now they are looking for the real sword?
Well...
Why are you here?
Oh, No! 
No! 
No!
Ying!
You do enjoy coaching swimming?
I love children and it is summer vacation.
I can keep fit as well.
Next month is the Miss Hong Kong Contest...
Miss Hong Kong.
I qualified for the Semi-Final.
How nice! 
I am an insurance agent, I can help you to make the right decision.
You look very smart.
Just like a royalty.
Hold on, let me do it with precision...
You have used too much of your hands.
The same old trick?
Let you take a through look at Ying.
You´ll ruin my reputation.
Who ask you to take advantage.
He´s a scum.
That´s his nature.
He´s always like that.
Ying, I´m Ki Ho Yan.
I´m Chan Hoi Sum.
- You can call me Big Eye.
- Remember me.
I´m studying fashion design.
I´ll be a hair stylist.
I can design an evening gown for you.
I can design the perfect hair style for you.
Let me help you.
Hey, here is five bucks for you.
Don´t let me pay the bill.
OK.
Trust me for a new hair style.
Let´s go. 
Bill please.
Yes.
- Here...
- Thanks...
Let me...
No, I must pay.
Please don´t.
Hey, don´t grip so tight, I can´t shuffle.
It´s my turn.
Why don´t you pay.
you seldom pay.
What now?
It means I pay! 
Why ask stupid question.
Do I have to pay you back?
Keep the change!
Yes, keep the change.
Thank you, Sir.
Ah Ying.
It´s for you, Uncle.
Next time, no flowers just cash.
I considered the whole night.
and decided...
Keep calm!
To offer you this.
Good for you?
Only two men in the world are fit for it;
One is Stallon, the other one is you.
Really?
What Stal...
Stallon, Rambo!
Great swordsmanship!
Yeah!
It´s sharp.
He said Rambo used it.
It is highly lethal!
Touching it is disastrous!
You saw it.
Real sharp.
It´s sharp. it cuts into your wallet.
I know, I´ve got 200 bucks only.
Even one eyebrow is worth 500.
I´ve got a blank check, I´ll fill in there.
It send chills to your back.
It does. I go first.
Nut!
Not so chilly now!
Daughter!
Are you fond of these three?
No, we just met a few times.
Right. 
Our daughter won´t like common folks.
Papa, please!
Then, why did you invite them to dinner?
To manipulate them.
They flirt with Ah Ying.
With different excuses.
I´ll make use of the three dogs.
To help Ying in the Beauty contest.
What, three dogs!
What do you take your daughter for?
Well, let the dogs watch each other!
Coming!
Hi, Ah Ying.
- You´re come!
- Uncle!
Private collection.
You´ll like it.
Oh, really.
- This is for you, Uncle.
- This is the most expensive one.
- lt´s just a little gift.
- Give it to Ying.
- Take care of it.
- Ying, take care of it.
Come in and sit down.
- Honey, ready for dinner.
- Uncle,
- lt´s a beautiful house.
- Uncle, I...
Auntie. 
My name is Puddin Lai,
Ying must always mention me.
Yes, you are the hair-dresser, right!
is business good?
So So.
Auntie, it smells good.
You are excellent cook!
This minced beef is good in color, smell and taste.
That´s fried meatball! 
Go out!
Sit outside.
- Auntie!
- Auntie!
- Let me give you a hand.
- You don´t know fried meatballs! 
Out!
- Let me help you, auntie...
- Let´s go.
- Have tea please.
- Thank you, Ying.
Puddin Lai, do you excel in Fung-shui, and palmistry?
I am insurance agent, I study those in my spare time.
Uncle, let me read your palm.
It´s thick and fleshy, good palm.
You´re blessed, that´s why you´ve a pretty daughter.
A rare good palm!
Uncle, let me go with Ying to her room.
To see her clothes and design a package for her.
Ying, let´s go in.
No hurry, some other day.
I tried many brands of shampoo.
Can´t decide the right one for my hair.
Can you help me?
Sure.
They are dry hair.
You are right, you see they split.
- Quite many splits.
- Yes.
Split, split, split on your dead body.
Who is dead?
Oh! 
Your palm marks escape form death.
Which results in big riches.
That´s better.
Yes.
It´s all right.
Let me take good care of it.
Cut the crap.
Let´s eat.
May I sit with you.
Sorry, move over.
- That´s my seat.
- Sit over here.
Auntie.
So much delicacies.
Be at home. 
Get started.
Cheers.
Mum.
They have longed to "dab" you for some time.
They always like to "dab" you too.
Yes "dab" your good wine.
Cheers.
Thank you for coming to "dab" our family.
Ying, watch your words!
Our pleasure!
Cheers.
Honey, drink for the occasion.
- Me too!
- Mum, it´s a happy moment, drink.
OK, OK!
Great.
Good drinker...
Auntie, have another glass.
I can´t drink much.
Doesn´t matter, have another.
Drink it up.
We´ll all very happy today.
I´ll just drink it up.
Bravo.
Good drinker.
Please go ahead, I´ll see to the fish.
- Uncle, you are hospitable.
- Make yourselves at home.
Papa.
- Mum?
- Auntie.
Call a crane?
Do it together.
She is real heavy.
You are useless.
Remove her, I can´t breathe.
Hey, drank too much.
- Uncle, he takes too much.
- Throw it back, doesn´t matter.
Have some source.
Get even. 
Try again.
Come!
Marlboro, Marlboro.
Lemon tea, Lemon tea,
No air-con, no air-con.
You lost.
- The loser must drink.
- Drink it up.
- One more time.
- No way!
OK. 
One more chance for you.
No air-con, no air-con.
Drink?
What are you waiting for?
No drink!
You lost, you should drink.
Yes, do it.
Drink.
Silly boy.
Drink it up.
Obstinate! 
Come, hold him.
Open your mouth, relax.
One bit more, a little more, that´s it.
Don´t tease him.
That´s good fun.
Dirty tricks!
- Angry already?
- Get angry so easy?
That´s not a man.
Really angry?
Not me! 
Uncle, I like fun. 
Why angry?
What are you up to?
No angry?
Why be angry.
It´s mawkish!
So comfy, why be angry.
Can you take fun too?
Certainly.
Egg!
What for?
Stop that!
I am not angry, not at all.
Have bigger fun!
Come on, you have to do it.
Just for fun.
Go!
Second round. 
Be quick!
Ying!
Bravo.
Papa, that´s enough.
Nobody suffocates. 
Continue!
- Oh, damn.
- Uncle.
Papa!
Sorry for that, Uncle.
- lt´s you.
- lt´s sorry.
Uncle is not angry.
No problem, no problem.
Uncle´s face tells he is generous and forgiving.
Ha, Right, generous and forgiving.
Come, bottoms up!
Bottoms up!
Ying, let me see you home.
Good night.
You chaps can´t drink. 
Have more.
Bye-bye.
Where is Ying?
Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye.
Uncle, we are leaving.
Main door is not there, this way.
This way.
Good-bye, Uncle.
I need the toilet.
Where is the washroom?
Hold on, just press the button.
Wrong button.
Why it takes so long.
Just pull open the life door.
You first.
You first.
After you.
You don´t get award for politeness.
Why hang clothes in the lift.
Who says no airing clothes in lifts?
Nonsense.
Real small lift!
So peole hang their clothes here.
Why only clothes but no trousers?
Are we there?
Push, stupid!
- We arrived.
- Arrive where?
Repulse Bay.
Caribbean Sea! 
Mermaid!
Over there!
Let´s swim there.
Breast stroke!
Freestyle.
I don´t know how to swim. 
Give me a buoy.
A buoy!
What´s happened?
My clothes?
It almost killed me.
Ying, what´s the matter?
Nothing, Papa, I had a bad dream.
Bad dream?
Did we...
Tell me what happened.
Are you all right?
Go!
What´s now?
We´ll come back for you.
Ying, don´t cry.
- We´ll return.
- Yes.
Who took advantage of her?
I had no pat in anything, last right.
I slept so sound, nothing could wake me.
Can´t be me. I adore her so much.
I won´t do anything indecent.
We don´t even know whether anything happened.
- lt´s not you.
- Of course not.
And not you.
Then, it must be I.
Now that Ah Ying is mine, that means.
Your friend´s wife.
You two should not even fancy for her.
Excuse me. I´ll pay for this meal.
Now I remember.
Last night the Mermaid, and I talked very happily.
I think it was me.
OK...
I admit. lt was I.
I don´t want to say, but now I won´t restrain.
Look, my whole body is sticky.
It is evidence of action.
You don´t say.
Look at my stained trousers!
Must be I.
Wait. 
Look here! 
It´s all over my head.
Everyone admits quality.
Then it is gang rape!
They talk of gang rape.
What kind of youth are they?
Hi, Happy!
Please, go in.
Ying, I wish...
Heavens. I´ve never been so faithful, and becomes so heart-broken.
Ying paging me.
I don´t like to see you again.
However I fell some changes in my body.
Take this for a test, tell me the results.
As soon as you know.
Ying.
What is this?
Perfume.
- Perfume?
- Try it.
Very strong.
It´s urine! 
For the test.
Why didn´t you say so.
Let´s go.
This is a bottle, not a barrel, lt doesn´t take three to carry.
You do it tomorrow.
Me again. 
But, for Ying, it is all right.
If the test verifies this is draft beer.
Thank heavens.
Take some urine.
Can I help you?
Urine test.
Put it on the tray.
What a coincidence!
What´s wrong with you?
Oh...yes...
I can´t urinate...
Give me a chance!
is it V.D.?
No! 
See if there is precipitant in the urine.
What do you test for?
Diabetes. 
The usual test.
I´ll do it.
Sir please.
Big Eye, what really do you test for?
You´re so tense.
I don´t know. 
Whatever will be, will be.
Why so scared.
Worried for you.
- Ki Ho Yan!
- Yes!
You´ve diabetes.
Diabetes.
Be calm. ls it serious?
is it serious?
Ask a doctor.
Ask a doctor.
Right. 
Go and see a doctor.
- Chuk Tai Chung.
- What´s the result?
Why so nosy?
Congratulations.
Congratulations! 
My god!
What my god! 
Congratulations means I...
Positive!
Positive and you congratulate me?
Be more careful from now on.
Careful? 
At my age?
I don´t care, be it tender or not.
I´ll take so far as I´ve got the urge.
Uncle, leave it.
This laboratory may not be reliable.
Go elsewhere.
Pregnancy test?
Again!
Congratulations on diabetes. 
Nut!
Read the newspaper advertisements.
See who can cure diabetes.
Let´s go.
What´s the result?
Sugar in the urine.
Did you drink Ah Ying´s urine,
You bastard.
What, Ah Ying!
How came you don´t know, I´ll question them.
You three rats, who did it?
For the last time, who did it?
Torture them!
I don´t want a gang rape scandal, lf you inform me of the culprit,
You´ll get free, lf not, I´ll break your eardrum.
Difficult choice. 
Break friendship or,
Break eardrum.
It is your choice, who?
Yourself?
- Yes or no?
- Did you?
Go to hell!
- How is it?
- Sit down!
- How is it?
- Tell us.
I am deaf!
Deaf?
Are you sure?
How did he torture you?
Can you hear?
I can´t, I can´t!
- You can´t?
- Never, never admit guilty!
He is ruthless.
Now what? 
Our turn will come.
Puddin, come in.
- What´s it? 
Who is it?
- Me!
Auntie asks for you.
- You first.
- You!
No, you first.
My friend, listen to me.
Don´t ever admit guilty.
Can you hear?
What? 
Who?
- Did you do it? 
Talk!
- Did you?
Talk!
Go to hell!
Are you really so cruel?
You´re more cruel.
Information or eardrum?
It is better no choice is needed.
Did you do it?
Yes or no?
Admit of not?
Thanks for not breaking my eardrum.
No break, but smack.
Now, get out.
Made foal of us.
Hey, hey Uncle spared me.
What?
Tomorrow I´ll register for you.
In the school for deaf  durmb.
Your foul are smells real bad.
Should have stepped asides.
You two made fool of me.
How come you know nothing?
- Don´t you wreck your daughter.
- Whatever, abort it!
Don´t!
No, I won´t do it!
Hack you to pieces.
Abort or die!
Ying, run away! 
Quick!
Don´t you run away!
You´ll be prosecuted for gang rape.
Get ready for jail.
Come back.
You want her to be newspaper headline?
Quick.
Ying!
Taxi, Taxi!
Follow that taxi. 
Quick!
Hey, stop! 
We are not yet in!
Step on it
Driver! 
Be fast!
Catch up with that taxi.
- Come on, faster.
- Alright...
Yes, it is that taxi in front.
After it...
Overtake it!
Why don´t you go?
What´s wrong?
Why do you stop?
Man, it is red light.
My license is 11 points off.
Want my license be suspended?
We are willing to pay for any penalty.
Right. lf you can catch up, we´ll pay
You 100 dollars.
The license is mine, not yours.
Please!
OK. 
Use you brain.
Bridy calling Elephant.
What´s it. 
Birdy?
Three passengers here request you
To wait for them.
Wait! 
Who are they?
Tell him, we want our baby´s mother.
Please, help us.
They want their baby´s mother.
Lend a hand.
She shakes her head.
Alright?
She says no.
Tell her this: 
Ah Ying.
That night, it was not a plot.
Ying, that night, it was not a plot.
Tell her I love her till heavens rot.
He loves you till...vens rot.
What...vens rot?
Miss, this one with rotten organs.
Must be a rascal. 
Give him up.
The ´Rotten Organs´ Shut up! 
Next!
Tell her that I, Puddin Lai!
Smoking, no more; gamble no more;
spindrift, no...
He says: 
Smoking, gambling, No...more! 
Spindrift...
This one is rotten too.
Unwilling to give up smoking.
Spindrift is no good husband;
Next one.
Let me talk! 
Ying.
Hey, it´s my turn.
I am no good speaker, I feel you are unwise,
What does a woman need?
A man who loves her for life.
Now, there are 3 men who do.
You ponder that coolly.
Now you´re alone,
Homeless. 
Uncased for.
Let´s find you a quiet place,
Give birth to the child.
Verify the father by medical test.
One of us will care for you for life.
Let me!
Elephant, stop your car.
Let them meet.
Wait for the three rascals;
You must be out of your mind.
Not knowing how to speed, don´t be driver.
Oh, no!
The three are real nice guys.
You are in luck.
To hell with driving license!
Bravo!
Hey, let me alight.
No way!
For you future´s sake.
I won´t let them get you.
Let me out!
- No trace of them!
- Right.
What than?
Elephant, tell me your position!
I can overtake you.
I was in Prince Rd., when you asked.
Now I am off to Lung Cheong Rd.
Come!
What do you want? 
Let me out!
Go on, hit me.
I don´t allow them to catch you.
Help, help!
Bastard! 
Disturb my work!
Now, come out!
Come out!
Ying, don´t go away!
Come, back to yourself!
Ying, you all right?
Are you all right?
Ying, You are really gorgeous!
You guys have taste;
worth risking my license.
Shut up!
Elephant!
Serve him right!
Ying, what we just said in the taxi.
Do you agree?
- We do mean it.
- Yes!
Do you consent?
Wow! 
Great!
This place is a bit small.
But, for one person, I hope it is OK right?
Yes.
Ying, forget anything else.
Just concentrate on baby-making.
What do you take her for?
How to make babies?
With whom?
Ying, I studied this place,
Nothing escapes from my eyes.
This home will bring you riches,
Food, clothing and many children.
Cute, isn´t it?
Be careful.
What!
I´m infuriated.
- Pregnancy education.
- Pregnancy education!
Don´t you like to have a cute baby?
You call this thing cute baby?
Shame on you, queer thing!
You are cute, eh?
Look at you.
I can´t pass the days in peace.
Good brothers!
Touching!
Too good to be separated!
They are a lovely couple
who want to stay together forever.
But they have to be separated.
Even gourmets.
Have never lasted such good celery with chicken.
is this celery?
Sure. 
Have one good bite, Ying.
For celery, we eat the stem, not the leaves.
lgnorant!
Imperial!
But, look at the green, so tempting.
That makes your mouth water.
Leave the good things for later.
Ying, it´s for you.
Have a spare rib.
You guys don´t know delicacies.
For good things, a little is enough.
Since it is from Ah Ying, I´ll take it.
Happy.
Both happy!
Salty.
Vegetables in!
All charcoal!
Little bit makes it more tasty.
What is that?
Fish!
Hard like a rock.
Disgraceful!
It´s fresh
The inside is edible.
See, Ying says it is edible.
Eat, then?
- Ah Ying tells us to eat.
- Go ahead.
Even dog shit is good.
Don´t, it is polluted.
Nowadays, sea water, everywhere is polluted.
Can´t worry too much.
Don´t eat it. 
Have vegetables.
Anything wrong with the fish? 
Talk!
What are you afraid of?
Can´t be from the garbage bin?
Smart boy! 
Bang on!
You saw me eating it! 
Were you dumb!
Why blame me! 
You said just now.
That even dog shit is good. 
Right, Ying?
Gourmet´s delight!
Pig´s belly and bean curd soup.
Good for skin.
It tastes good.
Greed will take your life.
It´s bitter!
Sour!
It´s all the better; don´t waste it.
The smart man differs from an idiot.
In that:
the idiot feeds you with celery leave.
Making like to vomit.
What´s so funny?
The smart guy makes pig´s belly.
into a delicacy.
A bonus!
That is gourmet´s vomit.
Ying, don´t touch that soup.
Don´t drink it.
Eat something else.
This is half fatty and half lean.
Ying, did I do something wrong?
Sorry. I am stupid can´ttakegoodcareofyou.
No, I am homesick.
Don´t be sad. 
When the baby is born.
There will be a happy reunion.
You are so kind.
Kindest in the three of us?
The three of you...
No! 
Don´t.
Before the father is confirmed.
No such thing.
OK. 
OK., I´m sorry, sorry.
What´s wrong?
I want tissue paper.
I have.
Yes. I...
Here...
Are you all right?
Sorry, I spoiled your shirt.
I´ll clean it for you.
It´s all right.
Go ahead. 
Breathe out!
Wait!
No more.
Then, I get nothing.
Never mind; go on; throw out!
Thank you.
Can I keep the clothes now?
Look at them! 
What are they up to.
- First time here?
- Yes.
What´s the father name?
- Mr. X. 
- Mr. X?
Oh X, anything you say.
Miss, your father!
Papa!
Uncle!
Papa!
Why haven´t seen you for two months.
Boarding School in the countryside.
Boarding School?
You, you, you, come here.
Get in.
Miss, better get in the shade.
Uncle!
Uncle, do we come in.
Dial 999?
You guys shut up!
The matter is not finished.
I don´t want a scandal.
Be careful!
Don´t let that barber know the truth.
Laugh, everybody!
Uncle, what are you up to?
Now, Ying refused to abort.
That means she has to marry one of you.
The lucky man has to pay me half million U.S. dollars.
Not a cent less.
Your Papa has changed.
So friendly to the three.
How about a discount of kin´s.
Hold it. 
Money is real, kinship is shit.
60 tables in wedding banquet, and one apartment, only 1,300 square feet is fine.
No dry smile. 
Laugh.
Real funny.
Papa!
Papa, can we go home now?
Daughter, you can´t go home.
You are growing bigger everyday, only 7 months more.
Try persevere it.
Let´s go.
Bye, Uncle.
Laugh, again, next time.
Half a million.
60 tables.
1,300 square feet.
- Are you still in?
- Yes!
Yes!
Ying, we´ll work hard for you.
Escort her home first.
Go, Ah Ying.
It´s fate, you can´t change it.
Prophet Lai.
Sit please.
My friend, you have eyes like tiger´s.
Prophet Lai, you don´t recognise me?
Oh, Mr. Taxi-driver!
You escaped an accident, shout prosper afterwards.
Let me advice you how to make big fortunes.
That is fine. I take you as a living god.
Good.
You said you don´t have consulting office?
But, I have a wife and a child now.
Let us go back to you.
- Your brow is like the glowing sun.
- Yes?
But there is a tinge of black cloud.
You can´t wipe it off that way.
Something may be in your way recently.
Exactly! 
Prophet, you´re a living god.
- Let me see your palm.
- Sure.
Work hard on the wheels...
Yes, Yes!
The other one,
You´ll be landlord!
Prophet Lai. 
You work wonders!
Some mean guys want to outbid me.
Where is the property?
Connaught Centre.
Good judgement!
Commercial unit, good bet!
Not an unit, the whole block!
Ah..., the first time I saw you, I knew the sky is your limit.
You´re an aristocratic face.
I give you some sacred writings remember.
Put one on your chest, one on your bed,
One under the bed;
don´t wet it even in bath.
When wet, it loses it´s power.
3 days later.
Whoever bid against you will die.
- Ah Chiu!
- Yes!
Five Thousand dollars for the Prophet.
My secretary.
Thank you, thank you.
Thanks, Mr. Chiu.
Your face is a rarity of the century.
Have a thorough look.
Ho Yan, is this sausage or trousers.
Sorry, I´ll do it again.
Do it right, must be finished by the morning.
- You know?
- l know.
Why do you over-exert yourself so much?
Getting married.
Ah! 
Get a girl to marry you.
And a son coming soon.
A son too! 
Bonus for you naughty chap.
Maybe!
You nut!
You are black man in black forest.
What does it mean?
All in the dark.
is it OK? 
Come again. 
See you.
Sorry Miss, we are closing up.
- After finished me.
- Boss.
What´s the matter?
Step in please.
Boss, let me do one more.
OK.
Thank you, Boss.
Fighting hard again.
Sit please.
Happy, working hard, eh?
Can´t help it.
- l´ve to shoulder up the family.
- Really something.
Bye-bye.
What cut you like?
A bit shorter.
Happy!
Hi, Honey
So, you changed salon.
Have a kiss.
Quiet! 
Boss, three more jobs, please.
OK.
We know what to do.
Sit. 
OK. 
Let´s start.
How long does it take?
Make mine first.
Why everybody looks so tried?
No. I was born healthy.
I am strong.
I´ve got a good heart.
We are overflowed with energy, we need a fight!
Where is the towel?
It´s a nice area.
At least, the air is fresh?
- What´s the matter?
- Ah Ying, are you alright?
Let me help you.
It kicks me.
My son is so naughty.
Careful!
My dear boy, two more months.
You will come and decide our fate.
Hands off!
By that time, two fragile hearts... will be broken.
Don´t worry, I´ll give you some glue.
To mend them.
Mend your skull.
In fact, all three of you are gentlemen.
Hard-working, reliable,
And smart!
When I marry one of you.
Will you still be good friends?
We´ve listened to you.
We are good friends all along?
Yes, quite good.
Wow, wow your mother!
Her mother is a bitch, don´t you spare her?
What kind of man are you?
Ying, you know what he is like.
Old man, I am nervous.
Feel my hand, it is like ice.
Nice to have a grandchild.
Why so tense, sit down.
You´re here. 
Daddy, mammy.
Father-in-law, mother-in-law.
Hold it!
My grandchild doesn´t have 3 fathers. 
Go!
Get lost! 
Or else I hack you to pieces, and feed the dogs.
All right. 
Go home first!
Go!
Put those down. 
Go now.
Mammy!
What?
This is my blood type.
If it is proven that the son is mine.
I´ll buy you a big present.
Mammy, if it is mine, I´ll kneel and serve you tea.
- lron proof of father and sod, Mammy.
- Mum.
is that floor show? 
Go!
Go away, go!
How many blood types are there?
Two. 
Male and female.
Which are these?
This...
English; what does it say?
This is odd, all are A type!
All the gods in heaven.
It must be a son.
So I expect.
Don´t know yet.
Thanks for taking care of Ah Ying so far, how about christening for my son.
You´re dreaming.
How about Plum Lai.
Plum stone.
Mammy!
Mammy is here.
Son or girl?
What is it?
Does it look like me?
Of the same blood type?
Mammy, tell us.
Mammy, tell us please.
It´s a son.
Wow, Great.
I knew it!
It´s an illegitimate son.
Pa sold it to Godfather.
Sold my son!
Going to Canada tomorrow.
Take it back.
Godfather has money and power.
Don´t fancy taking it back.
Mammy?
Go away!
Mammy!
What, now?
We must stick together for once.
OK.
United.
Nut!
Come on...
Milk for you, son.
This way brings luck.
- lt´s a wall.
- Right.
Use your brain. 
Climb!
Right.
You make so much trouble. 
Naughty dog.
Run quickly.
Where are you son?
- Big eye boy.
- Big nose boy.
North-west.
Let´s go.
Big eye boy.
- Big eye boy.
- Big nose boy.
Go!
Are you Superman? 
Find ways.
South-east, impossible.
I was right.
Little Puddin, here I come.
Good baby, nice baby.
You´ll fly tomorrow.
They sky is smiling.
Here comes the Piggy.
Morning in Heavenly Village is so nice.
But something big is happening.
The 4-eyed monster is causing trouble.
It was an accident.
It´s a joke. 
Forget it.
Don´t be nosy. 
Go to bed.
I am dying.
BOO-BEE I come.
God gives me power.
Damned.
Run.
Why? 
He-man!
Go inside! 
Otherwise there will be chaos.
Dr. Slump, were you struck by lightning?
"BOO-BEE" "BOO-BEE" Of course, I nearly fainted.
What´s the matter?
Mirror´s reflection will betray you, idiot!
Preserved plum.
Transform to Superman.
- Fly, fly.
- Great.
Superman, fly.
Superman, you did it again.
Superman, come back here.
This way, quick.
You´ll get lost in the fog.
Not this way, that way.
Send him to sleep!
Doctor. 
Superman is sleeping!
go on with your studies.
Save him by artificial respiration.
The phone is ringing.
Hello. 
Heavenly Village is sleeping.
Call tomorrow.
What bad timing!
I´ll take it! 
Everyone is sleeping.
Troublesome!
Baby?
No baby. 
Boo-bee. 
Superman is awake!
We can go on with the game.
Not in bed yet?
Hi, pretty, hold on a minute.
A kiss.
Kiss.
Let me do it.
Evil to evil.
Still more.
Funny!
- Pass to me.
- Funny enough!
Hold it!
Let go!
It´s my son.
I am done for. 
Take care of my son.
Arrest them all.
Son!
Give it back!
Son!
Ah Keung. 
Rush the baby to hospital.
Quick.
Go to the hospital.
Miss...
Ying, come quick to Baptist Hospital.
Tell you everything later. 
Hurry!
If anything happens to my son, you...
Your son?
He is my flesh and blood.
I bought it.
Signed in lawyer´s office.
You...
Your money, big deal!
Here´s the doctor.
How is it?
It is suffering from concussion.
I must operate at once.
The father please sign.
I´ll sign... I am the legal father.
Even if the baby survived, it will be retarded.
Idiot! 
They are the real kin, sign!
Retarded child!
No control of everything.
- Let me sign.
- Probably becomes vegetable child.
- l prefer a cabbage.
- Vegetable!
I´ll sign.
Son, Pa and Ma will care for you.
Love you forever. 
Thanks Doctor.
Why rush for everything.
Have you thought it over?
Can´t care for yourself.
Son, dead!
Son.
A doll!
If it was real, imagine going into my house?
You think they would let you in?
- Back to you.
- Where is my son?
- Ying!
- Son!
Son!
Good boy.
Just my replica.
You´re joking.
Daddy. 
My part is finished now.
I must report duty, otherwise I´ll be fired.
By the superintendent.
Ah, it is a plot to make fun on us.
Not fun. lt´s my plan to test you.
You three love Ah Ying the same, and of the same blood group.
All ´A´ type.
Queer type!
- All ´A´ type.
- Big Eye Boy.
Big Eye Boy, you are the kindest, so devoted to Ying. 
Marrying you, make me feel secure.
Woman! 
Hold it. 
Until there is the flat.
60 tables, 1/2 a million dollars, you can meet only once a month.
Shut up! 
Have the wedding next month.
The number of tables doesn´t matter.
Really, mother?
Any complaint?
- No!
- Come with me.
- Son, call your Daddy.
- Call Daddy.
Lost the last minute. 
Heaven´s will!
You´re lucky. 
Big Eye.
You two cheer up.
You´re still good friends.
Right! 
Of course.
Son, this is Big Uncle, that is second Uncle.
Who does he look like?
Such big nose, it looks...
Ah! 
Resembles me.
It belongs to Ying and me.
Ying, we shall have a squad of Big Eye Boys.
Are you capable?
We´ll see.
OK.
- Have a hair-cut.
- No way.
And you.
Help!
Don´t run.
Daddy...
Daddy, brother wants to cut my hair again.
Don´t do that.
Nobody lets me to cut.
Last time, your lousy cut.
Made me the laughing stock for 3 months.
I am laughed at too.
Laugh at you, why?
My nose is big, eyes small, I don´t look like you.
They say I look like Uncle Chan...
Don´t mind what people say, you´re my dear son,
Daddy loves you the same.
Mammy.
Come on, Granny´s here.
Baby, come to Granny.
Let grandma hold you.
Come, give grandma a kiss.
Ying, Daddy.
Coffee please.
Come here, Ying.
What´s the test result?
You guess.
No need to test.
Ying never disappoints you.
Wow, we have another child.
Viva Mammy.
Son.
Ying is having your sixth child.
Bearing a child is real tough, you know?
I know, that´s why I love Ying so much.
You should, you should.
Daddy, you should be happy too;
The flat, 1/2 a million, all delivered.
I am happy. 
No complain at all.
But, if there is a big yacht, we can enjoy on the sea, right?
Big yacht. 
No problem.
You can afford it.
How about buying a big yacht?
Good! 
Bravo!
You´re the best son-in-law.
Thank you, Dad.
Put it in my name.
- Yours again?
- Mine again.
Subtitles by Kojikun [Las curras de Koji Z]

(DRAMATIC "2001"
-TYPE MUSIC)
This is an SOS distress call from the mining ship Red Dwarf.
The crew are dead, killed by a radiation leak.
The only survivors were Dave Lister, who was in suspended animation, and his pregnant cat, who was safely sealed in the hold.
Revived three million years later,
Lister's only companions are a life form who evolved from his cat and Arnold Rimmer, a hologram simulation of one of the dead crew.
The most interesting event recently was that Lister pretended he'd passed the chef's exam.
That gives you some idea of how exciting some days are around here.
Holly, give me access to the crew's confidential reports.
Those are for the Captain's eyes only.
Fine. 
We'll give him ten seconds to come back from the dead, then we'll presume I'm in charge.
- No, he hasn't managed it.
- Whose do you want?
Give me... 
Give me Lister's. 
Just the remarks.
David Lister, technician, 3rd class.
Captain's remarks - "Has requested sick leave due to diarrhoea
"on no less than 500 occasions.
"Left previous job as a supermarket trolley attendant after ten years
"because he didn't want to get tied to a career.
"Promotion prospects - zero."
I always liked Captain Hollister.
Such a great reader of men.
A marvellous, marvellous man, and a tragic loss to us all.
All right, Holly, give me mine.
Arnold Rimmer, technician, 2nd class.
Captain's remarks - "If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well.
"If it's not, give it to Rimmer.
"He aches for responsibility but constantly fails the engineering exam. "
Whoa, whoa, whoa! 
Holly, Holly...
MY report 
- Rimmer. 
Two Ms.
"Astoundingly zealous. 
Possibly mad.
"Probably has more teeth than brain cells.
"Promotion prospects - comical."
Two Rs.
Arnold, this is your report.
I always hated that pus-head Hollister.
He always resented my popularity.
He ignored my proposal to reduce the minimum haircut length by an eighth of an inch.
Small-minded, petty-thinking modo.
Arnold, I'm picking up an unidentified object.
"Constantly fails the exam"?
I'd hardly call 11 times "constantly".
If you eat beef 11 times in your life, one would hardly say that person constantly eats beef.
It would be a rare, nay, freak occurrence.
"Possibly mad"?
! 
What's he drivelling about?
- It's on the screen, Arnie.
- What is it?
- I don't know.
- You'd better find out.
It's obviously beyond me.
I've got more teeth than brain cells.
Yes, you have.
(SNIFFS)
(TOASTER) Would you like some toast?
- Uh-uh.
- Some nice buttered toast?
Uh-uh.
- No toast, then?
No.
- What about a muffin?
- Nothing.
You last had toast 18 days ago.
11.36, Tuesday 3rd. 
Two rounds.
Shh!
Why buy a toaster with artificial intelligence if you don't like toast?
- I do like toast.
- I mean, this is my jobl
- This is just cruel.
- I'm busy.
- Not busy eating toast, are you (?
) 
- I don't want any!
The purpose of my existence is to serve you with scrummy toast.
If you don't want any, my existence is meaningless.
- Good.
- I toast, therefore I am.
Will you shut up?
(SNIFFS)
What are you doing?
- I'm reading.
- With your nose?
It's a cat book. 
They use smells.
You run your nose along and different smells are released.
What a pathetic idea.
Unlike you, my mind is open to new cultures, new ways of looking at things.
- And what does it say?
- It says, "See Dick run.
"Run, Dick, run.
"Run... home, Dick."
That's the cat equivalent of Shakespeare, is it?
Shakespeare? 
Who's Shakespeare?
You moron. 
An old playwright.
Wilfred Shakespeare.
I'm just starting.
This is for three-year-olds. 
You should try it.
I'm not interested in smelling anything cats have to say.
You don't know what you're missing.
There's one where Dick buys this ball... this big ball... this big red ball.
It's amazing stuff.
You ought to try reading your shirt.
It's probably a novel by Victor Hugo.
Anyway, if you're interested, Holly's spotted... 
Is that my shirt?
- Yeah. 
I borrowed it.
- What's that?
That's definitely biscuit. 
Erm, that's custard...
Ink... just general sort of dirty marks.
- You can't go through my possessions!
- You don't need them.
- Because I'm dead?
- Yeah.
Holograms don't need clothes.
They're mine! 
Would you steal verruca cream from a man with no feet?
What if I stole your favourite T-shirt with the custard stains?
- I wouldn't care.
- Stay out of my wardrobe.
0K, 0K.
You keep your underpants on coat-hangers, don't you?
That's private!
0K, Rimmer, 0K. 
Take the shirt back.
I don't want it. 
You've sweated in it.
- What D0 you want?
- Just keep out of my things.
- 0K, 0K. 
What's Holly spotted?
- An unidentified object.
- You mean a rock.
- It might not be.
- They're always rocks.
- Mostly, I agree, but maybe this one's different.
There's nobody out there.
No alien monsters, no Zargon warships, no beautiful blondes with beehive hairdos, who say, "Show me more of this thing called kissing."
There's just us, the Cat and lots of smegging rocks. 
That's it. 
Finito.
If that's true, what's the point of existence?
Beats me. 
Do you want some toast?
(HOLLY) Arnold, the unidentified object is now in visual range.
All right, Holly. 
I'm on my way.
Aow! 
Nice jump. 
Hey!
Smooth with a capital "smoo".
0K, time to get out the food detector.
This way. 
Aow! 
0oh!
Yeah, yeah! 
This way.
Aow! 
This way!
Ah, you. 
Where have you been?
Investigating. 
Investigating this, investigating that.
- General investigation.
- General investigation, eh?
- Ah, splendid!
- Thank you.
- Keep it up.
- 0K.
Fine. 
Well, excuse me...
Hey! 
You can't have my shiny thing! 
It's mine.
What are you drivelling about?
This is my shiny thing.
If you try and take it, I'll eat you.
It's a yo-yo, you modo.
It does two amazing things.
0ne, you have the shiny thing at the top, or - and this is the clever part - you have the string at the top.
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
Wowee! 
You haven't the slightest clue what it's for, do you?
Sure I do, grease stain.
You hold the shiny thing and go...
Aow! 
The string's moving!
Hey! 
Stop that thing! 
Catch that string!
- Where is it?
- It's in scoop range, Arnold.
It's a pod!
Holly, bring it in!
Yeah, yeah, yeah! 
I'm back!
Feeling good! 
Feed me.
I haven't seen you for ages. 
Where've you been?
- Investigating.
- Got you some crispies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
I read the book. 
It's got a brilliant ending.
I could hardly believe me nose.
Forget that. 
Got you the one you asked about. 
The Holy Book.
0h, great!
(SNIFFS)
Hey! 
Pictures!
Yeah! 
That's a cat thing.
In books, we have drawings of things and call them "pictures".
We have pictures, too.
You monkeys are smarter than I thought.
- This is me!
- That's not you. 
That's Cloister.
He was the father of the cat people.
- Who's that?
- That's him frozen in time.
That's me in stasis.
That's what "frozen in time" is.
- He did that to save Frankenstein.
- Frankenstein was my pet cat!
Look, Lister, Cloister. 
Cloister, Lister! 
See?
Listen, you stupid monkey, Cloister's another name for God!
That's what I'm saying. 
I am your God.
0K. 
Turn this into a woman.
- I'm serious.
- So am I!
Look, Frankenstein was my pet cat, right?
And she was pregnant.
I got put into suspended animation for three million years.
- You oversleep? 
So do I. 
- No!
I'm saying that over those three million years, your entire race evolved from my pet cat.
Ah, I gotta go now, man, but let's do lunch some time.
I'll put it in my diary. "12.30, lunch with God."
Formal dress, you know what I'm saying?
It is true, you know.
Then the ultimate question is, if you're God, why that face?
- What's wrong with my face?
- What's wrong?
It's upside down and inside out, that's what's wrong with it. 
Aow!
- Holly?
- Yes, Dave?
If I give you my cat dictionary, can you translate this?
(HOLLY) I'll give it a go, Dave.
(TOASTER) I'll do it.
You're a toaster.
I'm packing it in.
I'm becoming something I don't like.
- I'm not a moaner.
- No, you're a toaster.
It just strikes me that there might be something more, something unimaginably more splendid than heating bread.
Lister, it's arrived!
- What has?
- The U0! 
It's a pod!
- Where?
- The observation room.
No point in running, Lister.
It's mine. 
I found it. 
I've got bagsies.
He's such a child, that boy.
- Is it safe, Holly?
- Yes, Dave.
No point in running. 
It's mine.
Calm down. 
Dead people can have heart attacks, too.
- What is it?
- It's obviously some alien capsule, and clearly they're intelligent, Lister.
The chance to meet an intelligent life form after 18 weeks with you.
0K, Mr Intelligence, what are those markings?
Well, I don't know.
I don't speak alien, you gimboid.
(SATISFIED SIGH)
What are you doing? 
It's quarantined!
You might get some slimy thing stuck to your face!
0f course it's safe. 
Come in. 
Come on... (GASPS)
Ha-ha-ha (!
) Tee-hee (!
) All right, we'll play it your way.
But don't think you're coming out.
You're in quarantine.
- What did you say, Rimmer?
- Why do you never do what I say?
There's a reason why I'm your superior.
You've been here 15 years, I've been here eight months.
No, it's because I'm better than you.
Better trained, better equipped, better...
Better. 
Just... better.
So, everyone else is better than you.
No, I'm not going to let you bait me.
This is too important.
Just you wait here till I get back with the skutters.
0h, Rimmer's such a smeghead, man.
Hey, hang on a minute.
Give me an R...
Give me an E...
Give me a D...
Give me a Red Dwarf garbage pod!
Holly? 
Did Rimmer never work in waste disposal?
No, Dave.
It's one of our garbage pods with the writing burnt off in places.
- Why didn't you tell him?
- Well, it's a laugh, innit?
(RIMMER) After intensive investigation, comma, of the markings on the alien pod, comma, it has become clear, comma, to me, comma, that we are dealing, comma, with a species of awesome intellect, colon.
(HOLLY) Good. 
Perhaps they can help with your punctuation.
(RIMMER) Shut up.
(SN0RING)
Lights.
Are you awake? 
Lister?
Lister?
(SCREAMS) Lister!
- Are you awake?
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I couldn't sleep either.
- It's the excitement.
- What excitement?
- The alien excitement!
- Rimmer, it's garbage.
You can scoff, Lister. 
They laughed at Galileo. 
They laughed at Edison.
- They laughed at Columbo.
- Who's Columbo?
The man with the dirty mac who discovered America.
- What makes you think aliens exist?
- They must do, Lister.
There's so many things that we don't have an explanation for.
Like why do intelligent people buy cinema hot dogs? 
That sort of thing?
No, Lister, I mean like the pyramids.
How did they move such massive stones without modern technology?
They had massive whips, Rimmer.
Massive, massive whips.
All right, then, the Bermuda Triangle.
Go on, explain that one.
No, that is a genuine mystery.
How did that song ever become a hit?
Why do I bother? 
I'd get more sense out of a squashed hedgehog.
Don't you ever wonder why we're here?
What's the grand purpose?
Why does it have to be such a big deal?
Humans might be a planetary disease, like Earth's got German measles or facial herpes, right?
That's why the other planets give us such a wide berth.
It's like, "Don't go near Earth, it's got human beings!"
So, you're saying, Lister, you're an intergalactic, pus-filled sore?
At last, Lister, we agree on something.
What about you? 
Do you believe in God?
Certainly not! 
What a preposterous thought!
I believe in aliens, Lister.
0h, right, fine. 
Something sensible at last.
Aliens with technology so advanced we can't even begin to imagine.
That's not difficult.
Mankind can't even create a toupee that doesn't get laughs.
Aliens who can give me a real body.
0oh, I can't wait to see your face in the morning, I really can't.
Nor I yours, when that pod opens and from it emerges a beautiful alien woman with long green hair and six breasts.
Six breasts?
!
Imagine making love to a woman with six breasts!
Imagine making love to a woman.
Good morning. 
How can I help you?
- Bonjour. 
Um, give me breakfast.
- What would you like?
Er... chicken vindaloo and a milkshake.
- What flavour milkshake?
- Um... beer.
(MACHINE HUMS)
(HOLLY) Morning, Dave.
I've finished your translation.
- Who's Cloister? 
Is it me?
- Yes. 
The cats made you their god.
Hey! 
Working-class kid makes good!
Your plan to move to Fiji and open a diner became their image of heaven.
- What?
- "And Cloister spake,
"'Lo, I shall lead you to Fuchal.
We shall open a temple of food,
"'wherein shall be sausages and all manner of bountiful things.
"'Yea, even individual sachets of mustard.
"'And those who serve shall wear hats of great majesty,
"'though they be made of cardboard with humorous arrows. "'
Does it say what happened to the rest of the cats?
Holy wars, thousands of years of fighting between the two factions.
- What two factions?
- The ones who wanted red hats and those who wanted blue hats.
They had a war over whether the diner hats were red or blue?
Yeah. 
Most of them were killed.
It's daft really, innit?
You're not kidding.
They were supposed to be green.
- Go on, Hol.
- Finally, they called a truce, built two arks and left Red Dwarf in search of Fuchal.
But there's no such place.
How would they find it?
"Cloister gave to Frankenstein the sacred writing,
"saying, 'Those who have wisdom will know its meaning. '
"And it was written thus.
Seven socks, one shirt..."
That's my laundry list!
I lined the cat's basket with it!
They thought it was a chart leading to the promised land.
Well, it wasn't. 
It was my dirty washing.
What happened next, Hol?
"And the first ark followed the sacred signs,
"and lo, they flew straight into an asteroid.
"The second ark flew ever onward, knowing they were indeed righteous. "
This is terrible. 
Holy wars. 
Killing.
They're using religion as an excuse to be extremely crappy to each other.
So, what else is new?
I'm not interested.
They killed each other over cardboard hats.
- I'm not interested.
- Isn't it amazing?
People who didn't eat hot dogs on Fuchal Day were stoned to death by stale doughnuts.
What should I say?
"Congratulations, you're God"?
I'm talking about the suffering. 
People died.
I mean cats... 
Cat people died.
You're just rubbing my nose in it.
I could've been God, given the lucky show-biz break you had.
- I don't want to be a god.
- Vomitisation! 
I don't believe it!
"I'm God, but it's a drag." Come on!
I'm not a god! 
I've just been... misquoted.
Anyone who reads meaning into any old gobbledygook deserves everything they get.
If I'd had eight socks on my list, or if I owned more than one pair of underpants, they might've have been safe.
I wish I could meet them and apologise.
Well, that would look spectacular.
God returns in all his splendour, and says, "Sorry for the cock-up!"
- I didn't ask to become their god!
- I didn't ask to be killed.
Life's a bitch. 
Now smeg off, I'm busy.
They just made stuff up. 
I'm supposed to have given them five sacred laws.
I've broken four myself.
I'd have broken the fifth, but there's no sheep on board.
- Bye-bye.
- What sort of holy writ is this...?
- "It is a sin to be cool." 
- I'm sick of hearing about cats!
My concerns are more meaningful than stupid smegging cardboard hats!
I'm trying to decipher this!
This is science. 
You can smirk, but I believe the Quagaars...
- Quagars?
- Quagaars! 
It's a name I made up.
Double A. I believe the Quagaars can give me a new body!
- Never mind this tot, where's the Cat?
- Tot?
!
- Tot.
- Tot?
!
- Tot!
- Tot?
!
We'll see what's tot.
The quarantine period's nearly up!
Bastard!
Cat? 
Cat?
(H0NKS H0RN)
Holly, where's the Cat?
He's no longer in my supervision field.
He's on the cargo decks.
I lost him as he entered Supply Pipe 28.
Cat? 
Cat?
Cat! 
Come on, Cat.
Miaow! 
Come on, kitty, kitty!
Cat, come on. 
The crispies are getting warm.
Come on. 
Cat, come on.
Aow! 
Yeah! 
Yeah-yeah-yeah!
Hey, fellas! 
Yes, sir. 
I'm back!
Feeling good! 
Feed me.
You're always leaving. 
Where do you go?
Investigating! 
See, I have these feet...
- I'm dying.
- I'm telling you about my feet.
- My investigating feet.
- Don't you hear me? 
I'm dying!
Yeah, but I'm talking about my feet.
Why should you listen to me, a blind old priest that's lost his faith?
I'm not listening. 
I'm talking about my feet.
- What do you care?
- I don't care!
You're the one who's dying.
Why should it spoil my evening?
Cat?
Cat?
0oh, when I get you, I'm going to turn you into a kebab.
Holly? 
Can you still hear me?
Cat?
Here.
Burn the sacred hat.
That's a fearsome hat.
Burn it! 
It's a symbol of the lies.
- It's burnt.
- All my life I've served a lie.
Because you're not there, Cloister, are you?
You've never been there!
Y0U D0N'T EXIST!
- Who's that?
- It is I, Cloister!
- Who is it, boy?
- It's Cloister. 
I've returnethed.
Is it him? 
Is it truly him?
- Does he look like a king?
- A king?
! 
Yeah!
Is he wearing the doughnut and golden sausage?
Yeah!
Then it truly is him!
0h, I've failed you, Cloister.
All these years, I kept my faith.
I wore the Holy Custard Stain and the Sacred Gravy Marks.
I renounced coolness, and chose the righteous path of slobbiness.
But in the end, I failed you.
Why didn't you go on the arks with the other cats?
They left us behind. 
The sick and the lame.
Left us to die.
But then the boy was born to the cripple and the idiot.
- What idiot?
- Your father, boy.
- My father was a jellybrain?
- That's why he ate his own feet.
I did wonder.
As one by one we died, my faith died also.
You tested me, Cloister, and I failed you.
0h, no, you didn't fail, old man. 
You passed.
I'm giving you...
I'm giving you an A+ distinction.
There's a place for me on Fuchal?
A place? 
Got your own bathroom, en suite, cork floors, your own barbecue on the patio, a phone, everything!
0h! 
My hat!
I've burned my sacred hat!
No, you haven't!
A miracle!
This is the happiest day of my...
(GR0ANS)
Did I ever tell you about my investigating feet?
0nce, there was an old man...
Well? 
Are you ready, Rimmer?
0pen it! 
0pen it!
- Well? 
What's there?
- Are you sure you're ready?
Yes! 
Come on, you gimboid!
Incredible! 
A stupendous moment in my own personal history!
The perfectly preserved remains of a Quagaar warrior!
Yeah, right, Rimmer. 
Absolutely.
They must have looked something like... a roast chicken.
# It's cold outside
# There's no kind of atmosphere... #
(RIMMER) It's a garbage pod!
# I'm all alone, more or less... #
(RIMMER) It's a smegging garbage pod!
# Let me fly far away from here
# Fun, fun, fun
# In the sun, sun, sun
# I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose
# Drinking fresh mango juice
# Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes
# Fun, fun, fun
# In the sun, sun, sun
# Fun, fun, fun
# In the sun, sun, sun #

Go on, do your prayers, Eddie.
Go on.
God bless mama and daddy...
And the farm.
Amen.
- Mama.
- Hmm ?
What's wrong with daddy tonight ?
Nothin', Eddie.
You mind me, and you go right to sleep, ya hear ?
Will it be all right ?
Should I be afraid ?
Tom Harley !
Open up, Tom ! 
It's me, Clayton Heller ! 
Tom !
Please open the door !
Oh, for God's sakes, Tom, open up, please !
It's after me, Tom !
It's gonna get me !
God in heaven, Tom.
We can't just sit here.
We have to, Ellie.
This has nothing to do with us.
What kind of a Christian are you, for God's sakes ?
You gotta help me !
- Tom !
- Mom, look !
- See to the boy.
- Tom, it's gonna get me if you don't open the door !
For God's sake, please help me !
Oh, Tom !
Why doesn't daddy let the man in ?
Please open the door !
He can't, honey.
He just can't.
Get away from my door.
Get away from me and my family.
Tom, please !
You gotta help me, Tom.
It's comin'.
I didn't kill that girl.
I don't know nothin' about that, and I don't want to.
They said I did, Tom, but I didn't.
I'm sorry. 
I am.
But I can't risk my family for you, Clayton.
Now I got my shotgun here.
Get away.
Get away afore I have to use it.
Gypsy, ready ? 
Ready ?
Hey, pick it up.
Come here. 
Come on.
All right, ready ?
Go get it.
Come on.
Well, young man, come up here.
Thank you.
What've you been doin' ?
Playin' with gypsy.
Uh-huh. 
That's good.
You know somethin' ?
When I was your age, my great grandmama used to wash my hands.
And she was so old, that the skin on her hands was thin as tissue paper.
It felt so good.
Guess what ?
Last one in the house...
Will get the privilege of washing' the breakfast dishes.
Get outta town.
Come on, gypsy.
- Not at the table, Billy.
- But he's awful hungry, daddy.
Put it in the bowl.
- Is it story time ?
- I reckon.
Wait.
I gotta get somethin'.
- Daddy ?
- Hold on.
- I made you a present.
- You did ?
I like presents.
Oh, well, now this is somethin'.
It goes around your neck.
This is somethin' special.
- Do you really like it ?
- I love it.
You don't have to wear it every day or nothin'.
Just when it strikes ya.
Give me a hug.
I ain't never takin' it off.
All right, now, wait a minute.
Once upon a time...
There was this scruffy old man, and you know...
He was one of them "yes and no" kind of guys.
So anyhow, he was very proud...
'Cause he had this very clever son, and he knew that one day...
This son was gonna grow up to be somethin' very special.
So, then one day--
really, Tracy, you know, Joel is a great guy once you get to know him.
Honey, get me a beer.
So how much further is it to the cabin, Steve ?
Uh, about 50 miles.
Why do you always have to carry that stupid rifle with you ?
'Cause you never know what you're gonna find in the jungle, yo.
Oh, sorry.
Thank you, klutz.
Okay, come on.
- Let 'er rip.
- Now ?
Get the potatoes, kid.
Sweet potatoes.
Come on, get it over there.
Wait, Steve, pull over !
What ?
I want to take a picture.
These people can get pretty weird, trace.
We heard a story a couple years ago about a guy...
Who killed his wife and ate her just to get rid of the evidence.
No !
That's disgusting.
No, the cops found like her foot or something in this big pot...
With all these carrots and onions, like foot stew.
You know, I think this was the guy too.
This was the guy !
Get a few more of these.
Here you go. 
Get a few more of them, boy.
All right, here we are !
Where ?
Downtown Bradley Mountain.
Cabin's the next stop, just a few miles from here.
Kimbo.
Yeah ?
Help me out.
All right ?
Mmm.
This is your last chance to shop, lady.
These guys are animals.
Civilization is behind us.
No, gypsy !
Hook shot !
No, gypsy !
Whoa, whoa, whoa. 
Nice dog.
No. 
Gypsy !
Made a friend there already, huh, Joel ?
- Gypsy, no !
- Check out this kid's glasses.
- We're talkin' coke bottles.
- Jesus !
What ?
All I said was-- we heard you, man.
Come on, scratch, let's do it what's your name ?
Billy. 
This is my dog gypsy.
Oh, hey, gypsy.
How're ya doin' ?
Hey, gypsy.
Come on.
I thought we were gonna get everyone settled in first.
Listen. 
If you wanna stay here and play with the vegetables, that's fine with me.
- I'm goin'.
- Fetch, boy.
Go get it.
Come on, gypsy !
Come on ! 
Come on !
Yeah !
Good dog !
That a boy, gypsy !
Who is that ?
Come on, Joe.
Shut up !
Stop it !
You shut up !
You young 'uns just stay put now, ya hear ?
Yes, sir.
What's that ?
It's a camera, stupid.
Yeah, it's my camera.
See ?
Hey, can I take your picture ?
There you go.
Good afternoon, Mr. Wallace.
What do you know today ?
No more than I did yesterday.
Honey. 
Honey !
Uh, do you have any beer, sir ?
No. 
No liquor.
Hessie, look !
What ? 
Jimmy Joe, you give that here.
Jimmy Joe got the ball and won't give it up !
Give it here !
Come on ! 
Give it !
Jimmy Joe, you done bad.
Y'all know what settles on bad 'uns, don't ya ?
- Pumpkinhead.
- Pumpkinhead.
Y'all stop !
There ain't no pumpkinhead !
- What about old Mr. Foley ?
- He moved away.
- Uh-uh.
- Pumpkinhead got him.
Teared off his head and drank all the blood.
Did not!
Did too !
Shut up, hessle !
Keep away from pumpkinhead unless you're tired of livin'.
His enemies are mostly dead, he's mean and unforgiving'.
- Stop it !
- 
-Stop it !
-Bolted doors and windows blind.
Guard dogs prowlin' in the yard...
Pumpkinhead. 
Pumpkinhead.
Won't protect you till you're dead.
Nothing will from pumpkinhead.
So keep away from pumpkinhead.
- Stop it !
- Stop it !
I mean, well, you've got him pretty scared.
Pumpkinhead.
All right.
Get in the truck.
Come on.
Hey !
Come on.
Here you go, Billy.
I was just about to say something myself.
- That'll do it for you, Mr. Wallace ?
- That and my feed.
Oh, I left it up at the house.
Give me a couple of minutes.
I ain't got it.
I'm due back now.
Suppose I drop it off right at your door ?
Be there before dark.
Billy, bring gypsy inside out of the sun for a while.
Yes, daddy.
- Gotta admit, he's pretty good.
- He's a jerk.
Yeah, but he's a talented jerk.
Nah, he's just a jerk jerk.
Billy, I want you to stay right here and mind things, okay ?
I gotta fetch somethin' up at the house.
Yes, sir, daddy.
Then we'll take us a little ride.
Do you have to encourage him ?
Maggie... he's my brother.
Be a good boy, now.
- You man enough ?
- Go for it !
Gypsy, no !
Little boy !
Are you okay ?
Little boy !
Gypsy !
No !
Jesus.
Don't move him.
He just came out of nowhere.
Is he all right ?
He's cold.
It's gonna be okay, Billy.
All right, keep him warm.
Keep him warm.
It's gonna be okay, little boy.
Oh, God.
Hey ! 
Stay here.
We gotta do something.
You're gonna be fine.
What the hell do you think you're doin' ?
We stay, I'm fucked, man.
Is that what you want ?
It was an accident.
I almost hit him myself.
Yeah, but I've been drinkin'.
They'll fry me.
You gotta help me, scratch.
Call an ambulance.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hurry !
What are you doing ?
What are you doing ?
Get in the car.
Get in the fucking car.
No, we can't just leave him.
Damn it !
Hey ! 
Joel, get back here !
Where the fuck is he going ?
Forget Joel.
Forget-- oh, fuck !
It's gonna be fine.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Hey, come on.
Chris, did you get through ?
No phone.
What about that guy at the stand ?
He's gone, he's gone, he's gone !
Oh, God.
Get to the cabin.
There's a phone over there.
It's all right.
Chris !
Take care of her, and I'll stay with the kid.
Well, yeah.
Go help Chris with Maggie, and I'll stay with the kid.
Are you sure ?
I'll stay with him.
Go ! 
Go !
Come on.
It's okay, Maggie.
It's okay.
Go.
Billy ?
Billy ?
Gypsy !
Billy !
Gypsy !
Billy. 
Billy, daddy's here.
Ohhh.
It's okay.
Nobody saw him.
It was an accident.
But can I help ?
Okay, Maggie, come on.
Come on, Maggie.
Maggie, come on !
Listen. 
Just get up to that cabin and get on the phone.
I just stay on this trail ?
Yes ! 
Stay on the trail.
Did you call for help ?
Oh, Jesus.
This is crazy.
Damn you !
- He just ripped the phone cord out of the wall !
- What ?
I'm gonna drive to the nearest town.
You're not goin' anywhere.
Hey !
Hey ! 
What's up, man ?
Chris, please.
Joel was in another accident a couple of months ago.
A girl was hurt.
He's on probation right now.
If the police find out-- they're not gonna find out about it !
Look, man, I'm real sorry about that, but that little boy down there needs our help now !
Joel...
Just give me the keys, all right ?
You okay ?
- Yeah. 
Go.
- He wouldn't stop.
It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be okay.
Once upon a time...
There was this old man, and he had a very, very special son.
Daddy.
Yeah, baby ?
- Are you okay ?
- Steve ! 
Steve !
Hey, Steve, let us out !
We're in here !
- I just don't believe this !
- I'm not going to jail.
Come on, Steve !
Damn it !
The kid's father showed up.
He took the kid away.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Really ?
- You tell him what happened ?
- I told him it was an accident.
- And ?
- And he just looked at me.
- What do you mean, he just looked at you ?
- I don't know.
Don't lie to me !
He looked at me like he wanted to kill me.
Get over there--
- Lookin' for your pa.
- Hey, Bunt !
Sir ?
Fetch your grandpa.
Okay.
Grandpa, pa wants you.
Mr. Harley's outside with the feed.
You go on out and unload the feed.
I'll be out directly.
Well, here's what I owe ya.
Keep it if you can help me.
I'm lookin' for an old woman.
She lives somewhere in the mountains hereabouts.
Some folks say as how she's got powers.
I never heard of no such woman.
Mr. Wallace... please.
I can't tell ya what I don't know.
- Bunt.
- Sir ?
- Get over to the house.
- You told me to do this first.
You do what I told you, boy, and you do it now.
Okay.
What killed him ?
City folks run him over.
- Left him.
- I'm sorry about your boy.
You got to tell me.
She's the only one that can help him.
Like I said, I'm sorry.
You got to tell me, goddamn it !
She can't help him.
All she can do is take you straight to hell.
Now, you go on home.
You go home and you bury your boy.
Hold it !
Mr. Harley, I heard you talkin' to my grandpa.
I know who you're lookin' for.
What's your trade ?
What ?
Her name's haggis.
She's up on black Ridge.
Get in back.
Uh-uh. 
No way.
You got to show me.
Get in back.
Okay, but I'm only going part way.
That old woman scares the piss out of me.
Stop, Ed !
Stop the truck ! 
Stop !
This is as far as I go.
You keep on straight.
Follow this road till you can't no more.
You come to a cabin, that's her.
Who are you ?
Uh... 
Ed Harley. 
I-- 'fraid raisin' the dead ain't within my power.
This is-- this is all I got.
This is everything.
Nothin' I can do for him.
When I was young-- I said, there's nothin' I can do.
I saw it.
What ?
What do you want, Ed Harley ?
Say it.
Say it ! 
Say it !
When I was young, folks used to talk about you.
Said as how you knew things.
Said if a man had been wronged, he could come to you.
You called upon this thing...
In that man's name, and that man, he'd be avenged.
What you're askin'...
Got a powerful price.
They killed my boy.
They run him over, and they left him.
Ever hear of razorback holler ?
There's an old graveyard...
Way back deep in them woods.
Mountain folk used to bury kin in there, kin they's ashamed of.
Bring a shovel.
The thing you're lookin' for is in there.
Bring it back here.
Some things I gotta do to it 'fore it'll be any use to ya.
That graveyard-- how will I know-- you'll know, Ed Harley.
You'll know.
Leave the boy.
God.
When we get out of here,
Joel's gonna be carrying his balls home in a knapsack.
Remind me never to piss you off, Tracy.
I'll tell them it was my fault, that it was my bike that hit him.
The worst they're gonna give me is a slap on the wrist.
No.
Um... 
look, I'm really starting to worry about Maggie.
Bring it here.
What is it ?
It's what you wanted, Ed Harley.
For each of man's evils, a special demon exists.
You're lookin' at vengeance-- cruel, devious, pure-as-venom vengeance.
Give me your hand.
Oh, God.
You can go now, Ed Harley.
Now it begins.
What'd you do, daddy ?
Well, fuck it.
Let's just kidnap Chris and Tracy and go to Mexico.
Oh, guys.
You gotta do the right thing, and you gotta do it now.
They killed our boy, Lynn honey.
Now they're gonna pay.
Maggie.
Here. 
Look.
Look, Maggie.
Look at it.
You always found your strength from this.
Well, find it now and come back.
I need you.
Steve. 
Steve.
Yeah.
It's okay. 
I'm sure the boy's gonna be fine.
I'm sure his father's taking care of him.
Steve ! 
No !
Help ! 
Steve !
I'm always fucking up.
My whole life, one big fuck-up.
But it stops now.
- Help me ! 
Help me !
- Maggie, what happened ?
It's killing him !
Lock the door.
Steve !
If those scum hurt my brother, I'll rip their fucking hearts out. 
Steve !
Hail Mary, full of grace, the lord is with thee-- whatever you saw out there, it wasn't the devil.
It was !
There is no such thing.
There is ! 
I saw it !
Oh, man, be okay, Steve.
Be okay !
We're gonna find him, man.
They should be okay, right ?
I mean, they took the gun and everything.
God is the only thing that can stop what's out there, Kim.
Just in case God doesn't show.
Oh, God, Steve.
Cabin, man ! 
Come on !
Oh, Jesus.
You all right ?
There was something at the window.
- What about Steve ?
- We couldn't find him.
- What are we gonna do ?
- I don't know.
- We've gotta get out of here !
- We're not going anywhere without Steve.
Maggie, we don't know what's out there !
Steve is out there !
- She's right. 
Now, come on.
We're gonna find him.
- Maggie, wait !
Here, help me !
Maggie !
Tracy !
Maggie ! 
Maggie !
Goddamn it !
Tracy ! 
Wait !
Maggie ! 
Maggie !
Did you see something ?
I saw something.
I don't know-- just stay close, okay ?
It'll pass, Ed Harley.
Let it finish.
No, you gotta stop it.
It's what you wanted.
No ! 
Not like this !
Not like this !
I see it.
This is wrong.
Nothin' I can do.
It's gotta run its course now.
What did you think ?
It'd be easy, neat and clean and painless ?
You're a fool !
If you won't help me, if you don't help me, then I'll do it myself.
I'll do it, I'll do it myself.
You'll fail, Ed Harley.
You'll fail and you'll die too.
Then I'll die !
Then I'll die !
And pay the final price all the sooner.
Goddamn you !
Goddamn you !
He already has, son.
He already has.
Maggie !
Oh !
No ! 
No !
I'm the one you want !
No ! 
No--
no !
No!
Oh, my God, Joel !
What's wrong ?
It's got Kim.
What's got her ?
It's a thing.
What thing, man ?
I don't know !
It's a thing !
Kim ! 
Kim ! 
Kim !
Come on, man. 
Come on, man.
Tracy, come on !
Kim ! 
Kim !
Joel !
Oh, my God.
Kim !
- No.
- No !
No !
Joel, come on.
We gotta move, man !
Come on !
Help us !
Hello ?
Why is this happening ?
I don't know !
We gotta move.
Let's go.
Help !
Somebody help us !
Help !
Help us !
Anybody in there, please ?
There's something after us.
Please !
- Where's Steve at ?
- Please !
Don't be mad.
I'm cold.
Come on.
Steve's dead.
Come on, man.
Come on.
Tracy.
Oh, shit.
It's locked !
Okay, just get back.
Empty your hands, son.
Get away from here.
Go on ! 
Git.
Look, mister.
We got something chasing' us. 
We just wanna use your truck. 
Okay ?
Please.
Git off my land.
Don't make me have to shoot you.
Please !
We just need your help.
I can't help you.
You folks is marked.
Marked ?
What do you mean, marked ?
Joel. 
Joel, no !
You don't know if it's dead !
It's dead.
Joel !
Oh !
Hey. 
Come on.
Come on.
What is it ?
I don't know !
But whatever it is, it's not gonna get us. 
Do you hear me ?
It's not gonna get us !
There must be somebody that can help us !
Come on !
Bunt, get away from that window.
Grandpa, you sure that thing ain't gonna hurt the animals ?
It only kills what it was called upon to kill.
Them, and whatever gets in its way.
Our animals will be fine.
You get away from that window, and you get to bed.
Help ! 
Help us !
Get to bed like I told you.
Now.
For God's sake, please.
Help us ! 
Come on, man !
Let us in.
Damn !
Bunt ?
Go back to sleep, hessle.
What you doin' ?
Nothin'.
Okay.
If I tell you, you gotta promise not to tell nobody. 
Not a soul.
I won't.
Cross your heart.
Now swear.
I swear.
Spit.
I'm gonna help those folks, hessle. 
I got to find out if it's real or just a story.
Grandpa will whip you good if he finds out.
He ain't gonna find out.
Be careful.
Of course I'm gonna be careful.
Hey.
Shh. 
Come on.
It's you.
Did you get a look at it ?
What's it look like ?
Is it big ?
Who are you ?
Man, what's goin' on ?
I'm tryin' to help you, for Christ's sake !
My name's Bunt.
I live in this house here.
How come nobody answered the door ?
Didn't they hear us ?
They can hear you.
They ain't allowed to help.
They ain't allowed to let you in.
They can't get involved.
What do you mean, man ?
A man back there said we were marked.
We can't talk about this here.
Come on. 
I know a place that might be safe.
Come on.
I know where we can go.
Come on. 
Come on.
Ain't it neat ?
About 40 years ago they tried to start a congregation around here.
I didn't work out, I guess.
I figure it's a holy place, so it might not like it here.
Come on.
Come on.
Watch out.
Bunt. 
What do you know about that thing that's after us ?
It's some kind of demon.
Before tonight I didn't believe it.
I thought it was just somethin' that they made up to scare the little kids.
But when the sun went down, my grandpa fetched the whole family together.
And he told us that some outsider folks had done somethin' real bad.
He wouldn't say what.
He just said...
That pumpkinhead was gonna be out after 'em...
And that we better stay inside till he got 'em.
- Pumpkinhead ?
- That's what it's called.
'Cause it comes from the old pumpkin patch graveyard.
- Do you know why it's after us ?
- No, ma'am.
But you must have done something bad.
According to the legend, if one man does something bad to another man-- it's gotta be something real bad, somethin' like killin'-- then that other man can have pumpkinhead conjured up to take revenge.
The kid at the stand.
What ? 
What ?
There was an accident earlier.
One of our friends hit a little boy with a motorcycle.
Where ?
At the fruit stand a couple of miles down the road.
Gosh almighty.
Billy Harley.
You know ?
You heard about it ?
I took his--
I saw his pa, Mr. Harley, this afternoon.
I took him somewhere.
Well, was his son okay ?
I can't say for sure.
But if that thing's huntin' you, I suppose not.
Oh, my God.
- Your friends, where are they now ?
- They're dead.
Do you know the spot on Bradley Mountain where people park their cars ?
- Yes.
- Can you take us there ?
Uh-huh.
I think it's here now.
Go !
Go on ! 
Move it !
Wallace ! 
Wallace !
Open up !
Wallace, open up.
Wallace !
We gotta stop it !
We gotta stop it, or it's gonna kill 'em all !
Open up or I'll blow the goddamn thing off the hinges.
Lose it, Harley.
You get away from here.
Get away from me and my kin.
This way.
- Stay here.
- No.
Stay here !
Chris !
Chris.
Chris.
Come on. 
Please.
Lady, you gotta get up.
We gotta go.
Please. 
We can't stop it.
No one can.
Somebody can.
Mr. Harley.
Come with me.
Mr. Harley, it's pumpkinhead.
It's real.
Now.
Come on.
Get in.
Get in the house.
Do you wanna live ?
You okay ?
Yeah.
Thanks to you.
Well.
I'm gonna go outside and talk to Mr. Harley.
I want you to stay here.
Mr. Harley ?
Mr. Harley.
It was an accident.
He's dead.
Nobody saw him until it was too late.
Can't you stop this ?
Can't you call it off ?
Nothin' can call it off.
But I'm gonna send it back to whatever hell it come from.
Oh.
Oh, you old dog.
Mr. Harley ?
Mr. Harley, are you okay ?
Chris.
Kill me.

I can see myself.
Can i go now ?
Not until you see yourself in the silverware.
Who's coming to dinner ?
The smudge police ?
They're my college roommates.
I know.
Rent a sense of humor, will ya ?
They only come once every 4 years.
I don't like you ridiculing my efforts.
Fine.From now on i'll be a "yes" alien.
[ Knocking ]
Coming !
Hurry up, we've got groceries.
You can't come in.
We just polished the doorknob.
Alf !
Wow !
Look at that sign !
What sign ?
Aaaah !
Alf ?
What ?
**
When, how, why did you do this ?
Half an hour ago; crayon;
Seemed like a good idea.
Well, it's not coming off.
Maybe they won't notice.
They won't notice, because they won't be coming here.
If i were paranoid,
I'd think this had something to do with me.
Hello betty, it's kate.
We can't get together here tonight.
My decorator got a little carried away.
No, i still want to get together.
How about if we meet on campus...
At the summa cum lately ?
Yeah, it's still there.
It's cajun now.
The same time would be great.
You call maura.
I'll call sylvia.
Okay, see you then.
Bye-Bye.
The best we can do is paint over it.
You're going to cover that up ?
That's like covering up a rembrandt,
Or a winchell's billboard.
We're painting over it.
I have some beige in the garage.
Beige ?
Now there's a commitment to color.
It will be beige, alf.
If you interfere in any way,
You may hear the buzz of a lady remington.
Waiter, a margarita.
Make that a pitcher.
Coming right up !
Tell me what you've been up to !
We haven't been trying cases before the supreme court, like some people.
Congratulations.
Next, you'll be chief justice.
No chance.I smoked marijuana once in the sixties.
What have you been up to ?
Same old thing, selling houses on the west side.
What about you, sylvia ?
Sold the card shop, bought a stationary store,
Sold that, bought a paper mill, sold that, bought a forest.
That's fantastic !
What are you up to, kate ?
Nothing.
Well, not nothing.
I'm still a wife and mother.
I have to stay home and watch the children.
I thought brian was in school now.
He is.She means stay home and watch "all my children."
A family of 5 -- Uh, 4,
Or any number,
Is quite a responsibility.
Sometimes i wish i'd gone that way.
The whole thing seems so alien to me.
Yeah, that's another thing.
We have to get to the airport.
What are the chances of you flying up next year ?
Slim.None.
Never mind.
I'll come down.Bye.
Bye.
See you later.
See you next year.
Maura, i've got to go in a minute, too.
I just want to tell you,
How proud we are of you,
How much i respect what you've accomplished.
Ohhhh.
I meant that as a compliment.
Oh, kate.
I can't go home.
Why, what's happened ?
John and i had a terrible fight.
Can i stay with you tonight ?
Ah ... no.
Uh, no.
I mean, of course.
Thank you.
Let me make a quick phone call.
[ Telephone rings ]
Hello ? 
Dad, it's for you. 
It's mom.
I'll hold the brush.
Okay, but don't paint.
I won't.
Don't eat it.
He didn't say not to lick it.
It's implied.
Rats !
Hello ?
Hi, it's me.
What's the matter ?
Nothing really.
I'm with maura and she wants to spend the night.
Here ?
Yes, she had a fight with john.
She's upset.
Can we manage it ?
The sign's almost covered.
We just have to hide the artist.
We'll be home in 30 minutes.
She can sleep on the couch.
That's no problem.
Whoaaaa !
Alf !
Can she sleep on the floor ?
Hi !
Hi, maura.
Welcome to our humble abode.
Thanks for taking me in.
I hope this isn't inconvenient.
I hope you don't mind sleeping on a bed.
Normally, there's a couch,
But we're having it cleaned.
And burned !
I'm just glad to be here.
I'll get a blanket.
Would you like to let john know you're all right ?
What, and ruin his evening ?
I'll make some tea.
Lynn, you know mrs. 
Norris.
How are you ?
I don't believe it.
Is this the little girl that drooled on my law books ?
I've developed a greater respect for the law.
I read people vs fusco.
You read those arguments ?
Sure !
What do you take in your tea ?
Usually bourbon.
Ha ha.
Hi !
Uh-Oh !
Nice try, though.
Huh ?
Come on, sammy.
Did you think that disguise would fool me ?
Sammy ?
Sammy who ?
What do you mean ?
Sammy you !
You know me ?
Of course.
Quit fooling around.
Sit down and have a drink.
Well, maybe a short one.
You realize i'm a figment of your imagination,
Not an alien from another planet ?
Of course.
Just checking.
Gotta run !
I've got other dreams to appear in.
Knock it off, sammy.
You're not going.
I'm not ?
No, we've been through all this before.
That is the strangest i've ever seen you look.
You should see me in a tank top.
This beats the time you showed up ...
As the dog in the cowboy suit.
How often do i show up ?
You arrive during the 3rd margarita,
And leave during the blackout.
At least i'm consistent.
Here, salud !
[ Sniffing ]
Holy owned and operated !
What is this stuff ?
What do you mean ?
We've been drinking tequila for 7 years.
Did i ever ask what's in it ?
You just said it tastes better than it smells.
Let's hope so.
At least there's a worm in it.
[ Gasp ]
I was wrong.
About what ?
This tastes worse that it smells.
[ Gasping ]
[ Alf ] ohhh.
Ohhh !
Ohhh !
What's that ?
I don't know.
It sounds like an alien groaning,
And groping along the hall.
That's what i thought.
Ohhh !
What are you doing ?
Groaning and groping,
And looking for a place to do the technicolor yawn.
Ohhh.
What's the matter ?
I've been poisoned.
Earth germs.
I saw it in "war of the worlds."
Before aliens can destroy the planet,
The earth germs get them.
What are you talking about ?
My tongue feels hairy.
Your tongue is hairy.
What did you eat ?
Just the usual, everything.
It's what i drank.
What did you drink ?
I think they call it tequila.
You have a hangover.
You shouldn't be drinking.
Hey, i'm over 21.
I'm over 221.
You got into the liquor cabinet ?
No, maura did.
You saw her ?
She saw you ?
Yeah, now we're seeing each other.
I don't think it's going to work out.She's a booze hag.
That is not true !
I won't have you insulting my friends !
Do you hear me ?
Oh boy, do i !
This isn't a criticism,
But your wife's voice seems unusually grating.
Drinking is not good.
Tell me about it.
I'm off the sauce forever.
It's that hooch-Monger you have to worry about.
Stop insulting kate's friend.
What would you call her ?
Her name is maura.
It's always been maura.
Except in college, we called her ...
Boilermaker.
She played ball for purdue ?
She drank 14 boilermakers in one night.
I guess we thought it was funny, at the time.
I would like to apologize for losing my temper,
If you will apologize for what you said.
Apology accepted and given.
If you'll excuse me, i have to drive the porcelain bus.
Is he really that hung over ?
[ Retching sounds ]
Apparently.
Maybe we ought to see how boilermaker is.
I mean maura.
Boilermaker ?
Did you say boilermaker ?
That's what we called her in college.
[ Retching sounds ]
Why did you call her that ?
Because she drank too much.
Let's face it, she still does.
You think that she's an alcoholic ?
I don't know.I think you should talk to her.
But she's so successful, motivated and ...
Miserable.
Ohhh.
Hi, guys.
Morning.
Dad, could you drop me at school ?
Julie's car broke.
Broke ?
She had a flat ?
No, the flange gasket is leaking gas onto the manifold.
I stand corrected.
We'll go as soon as i finish my screwdriv--
I mean my orange juice.
Would you like breakfast ?
Thanks, i'm having it.
How about some tomato juice ?
Plain ?
Yeah.
Pass.
We've got to go.
Great to see you !
Thanks.
I hope things work out.
Good-Bye mrs. 
Norris.
It was great seeing you.
Same here.
I have so much respect for you.
I'd like to be like you someday.
[ Crying ]
What'd i say ?
It's okay.
Rough night, huh ?
No rougher than usual.
I don't know how to say this.
Are you aware of how much you drink ?
I drink no more than anybody else.I can handle it.
I'm not so sure.
I think you might have a problem.
Oh, kate.
I had a huge fight with my husband.
I'm under a lot of pressure.
It helps me relax.
I don't have a drinking problem.
I had a few drinks because i was happy to see everybody.
I had 1 or 2 more before i went to bed, but that was it !
Wrong !
Sammy !
Kate, do you see --
She can't see or hear me.
Only you can.
I'm your drinking pal, remember ?
See what ?
I don't see anything.
There's a little guy ...
right there ?
Go ahead, describe me.
And tell her about the dog in the cowboy suit.
There's this little man that i see sometimes when i dream,
But i've never seen him in the morning.
I usually sleep in.
Is this someone you see after you've been drinking ?
Yes, sometimes, but it doesn't happen often.
I'll bet kate asks how long you've been seeing me.
Uh ... how long has this been going on ?
Oh, a couple of weeks.
How long ?
A year.
1 year ?
2 or 3 years.
Uh-Uh.
All right, 7 years.
That's a long time.
I know.
Have you discussed this with john ?
We talk about it.
That's what we fight about.
He thinks i'm an --
Booze hag ?
Sorry.
An alcoholic ?
Yes, but he's wrong.
Maura, look who's here.
Your imaginary drinking buddy,
At 7:30 in the morning !
Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah.
You want to be stuck with that the rest of your life ?
No.
Why don't we call the betty white clinic ?
Betty ford.
What ?
I was thinking that now would be a good time to get help.
There are places you can call that know how to handle this.
Honey, i just hate to see you so unhappy.
Yeah.
Maybe i ought to think about it.
Good.I hope you never see me again.
Maybe it was the betty boop clinic.
Huh ?
Nah.
Alf, there's another food catalog.
The cheese log issue !
Listen, it's from maura.
"Since my visit, i've started to rebuild my life.
"It's difficult, but i've found an extremely supportive group,
"So at least i'm not alone.
I'm even starting to like plain tomato juice, ha ha."
I hate it when people write in laughs like that.
At least she didn't write, "i kill me."
"I'm anxious to have you over to dinner soon.
B.Y.O. Soft drinks."
Did she invite me ?
She didn't mention you, sammy.
After all i did for her, she pretends i don't exist.
I'm sure she's grateful.
But, you know,
We're the only ones who know what you did.
We owe you one.
A big one ?
A big one !
Great ! 
Cheese log #37.
Muenster madness, 50 lb. 
Size -- $99.95.
Ha !
She walked right into that, didn't she ?
She certainly did.
Ha ha !
$99.95 ?
It's a lot of cheese.
Be thankful i didn't get the nell carter ball.
Captions performed by captions, inc.Los angeles, ca
Captions copyrighted by alien productions.
All rights reserved.

SNACK BAR BUDAPEST
- How are you?
- Nauseous.
I'm nauseous and I don't feel like talking.
"Termination of pregnancy"
- Is this you?
- Yes.
This way.
We'll fall asleep and we won't feel a thing.
Like a breeze blowing away the badness.
Fill this form in, gorgeous.
Are you the husband? 
Boyfriend?
No specific role.
- Just the friend who brought her.
- You can come for her tomorrow.
- Can I visit this afternoon?
- I said tomorrow.
Didn't you hear?
Bye then.
Just go.
Will you bring me a nightdress?
My sister will give you one.
She's called Carla, 38 Via delle Sirene.
Near the sea front.
Good luck.
Try your luck.
I need a room for one night.
They're all available, payment up front.
That's 15,000.
A phone token.
Try your luck.
Hello?
Put the Commander on.
-Did you sort out Milena?
- I can pick her up tomorrow.
- Don't worry, it'll be fine.
- I'm not worried.
Might as well do a job sin you're there.
I didn't get that, it's too noisy.
What the hell do I pay you for? 
Shut up you lot, this is business!
Right, listen carefully...
Another token...
I was wasting the Commander's time, guaranteed to rile him.
You'rea completetosser!
Listen, there's some cash to pick up.
A regular monthly payment: ten grand.
Shut it will you!
Go to Video Space, near the new housing development.
Ask for Molecola... ten grand.
- No back-up?
- You'll be fine on your own.
That's my mother.
It's the nicest room, you can see the sea.
Splendid!
My head was full of Milena.
Maybe they'd already got rid of it.
It was the thing that annoyed her most.
But this time I'd have kept it.
Even if that thing in Milena's belly wasn't even mine
Kiss me then, go on...
Kiss me.
Your sister sent me.
One in a long line of blokes then.
I'm here for a particular reason.
As long as you pay you can do it with me.
What a He-Man!
I think blue.
A nice blue prick.
Like a Martian.
What did you want my sister for?
I taught her everything she knows.
I made her watch through a hole in the wardrobe...
Ever since she was Little.
I felt the blue tube fill up and my body empty itself.
A bit soon.
Milena often says so.
Maybe that's why she still does it with Sapo.
Don't nod off, I've got people to see.
That's 30,000 - basic service.
Bye sweetie.
Do you know Faffo?
Of course, everyone knows him.
He won the Portuguese marathon yesterday.
Even beat the blacks.
Legs Like pistons.
A real talent.
He's back tonight.
There's a massive party planned for him.
Next!
Next time we cut off your balls.
That'll teach you to kick our machines.
Ugly faggot.
You a fag?
Tell your boss I need to see him.
How thick is a sheet of paper?
A millimetre? 
Less?
If it's loo paper I've no idea.
But paper money is ten grand thick.
Let's say half a millimeter.
Now just imagine a big sheet, not just big, but really really big.
- You fold it 64 times, are you following?
- More or less.
So how thick will it end up?
Is this one of those puzzles that make you look like a moron?
Just have a guess, whatever.
I don't know... maybe it would end up 80cm thick, or a meter?
Twice the distance to the moon and back.
I could show you...
No, I trust you.
What about you?
Can you be trusted?
You know those films where you have a "voice off'?
I've got one.
It was telling me  I'm not really someone you can trust that much.
But then I don't have to come up with the cash.
Strange!
You can't have your own "voice off', only the main characters get those.
There's your ten.
- Trust me, Mr. Lawyer 
- Ex-Lawyer
I know.
Once a lawyer always a lawyer, don't you think?
Like defrocked priests or retired generals.
Like thieves or sons of whores.
Shut up, crow.
- It's an Indian blackbird.
- Shut it up anyway.
I don't know how, and it cost me two parrots and a peacock.
Join us.
I like you, I mean it.
You've got style, you can tell you're well-educated.
The world needs people like you.
Positive men, who know how to impress with words.
Like you and Sapo.
What? 
That "voice off' again?
You can always tell me what you're thinking.
Do you like this country?
Not particularly, too many people in summer and too windy in winter.
But wind clears away the rubbish.
And it carries off the old people.
I know what we need here because I know what I need.
I've got plans.
I'm hungry.
It's lunchtime, let me invite you to eat in my restaurant.
Fine, it's lunchtime
A great moment: 20 July 1969.
- The day I was born.
- I wasn't around then.
Out of circulation: personal reasons.
In prison, after a bungled attempt at fraud...
"Signe hunch diem albo lapillo"
Come, Mr. Lawyer.
Nearly there.
Fish risotto, sea bream, chips, coffee and Liqueurs...
They work for me.
- Greetings!
-Let me introduce Mr.Lawyer.
I'm Curvy.
Brasil.
Dollar.
How are you?
Postcard.
Carla, we've already met.
- Mr.He-Man, if I remember correctly.
- All your doing.
Really? 
Next time it's my turn then.
He pays nothing from now on.
Sister...
The Dream.
Lots of Champagne Lawyer this, lawyer that, but nothing really grabbed me...
Let's go to the beach.
Show the lawyer your hands.
Amazing isn't it!
Apparently Buddha had hands like that
To the beach!
It's stirred
Do you know who he is?
- Who?
- The waiter
Your father
Wow, you're something else
You have to shell out if you want to reap the benefits, maybe not right now but before summer.
A whole new world!
Starting right here.
I got three hotels all for a pittance because business was going so badly
The ground floor of one burned down, another was done over twice.
The owner of the third decided to sell to me after 24 hours.
- Mutual interest.
- I bet.
No, Mr.Lawyer, I don't think you really understand.
Just picture it...
A city full of people set on having fun with money to burn.
They are there simply to gamble, get drunk and catch the clap.
An enormous theme park of a city.
You cut down a few pine trees and build a karting circuit and conference hall to stage magic shows and a Miss Golden Cunt.
Slap bang in the city center a skyscraper of a casino bigger than in America full of Swiss and Milanese.
On the enormous terrace squeezed in among the men in black tie and women in evening dress an illuminated boxing ring where two blacks fight for the European title beating the hell out of each other egged on by a frenzied audience bookies, tannoys whipped into a frenzy at the sight of such violence.
- Do you dream?
- I sleep to get some sleep.
- Well, you can't sleep tonight.
- Why?
I'm throwing a party for Faffo.
It's true.
It's true alright, nobody gets to sleep tonight, Faffo's coming home.
Shame my sister's in hospital getting deflated.
She'll be on her feet tomorrow, she can work with her arse for a bit
Girls back to work, boys with me - we're taking Mr.Lawyer to the flicks.
- How much does the Commander pay?
- I get 1.5 of the five he gives Sapo.
- But I get most mornings free.
- To do what?
Sleep.
Do you like porn films?
Sex makes me want to smoke.
Even when other people are at it.
I just like cartoons.
Fire!
Delinquents! 
This is my job.
Work is for losers.
Good.
Very good.
This cinema is indecent, if you hadn't done this, I'd have done it myself.
Come on out, we won't hurt you... much.
Out or I kill you.
I'll count to three, if you don't come out you're dead meat
One...
Two...
Two and a half...
And three quarters...
Please don't hurt us, we're not doing any harm to nobody.
Let us go, we've got nothing to do with any of this.
What did we do?
Three minus not much.
- I'm going to slit your throat
He corrupts littlie kids, he's a pig, cut him up.
Good man.
I don't want to see you in here again, you bore me, you make me sad.
Done.
That's that.
Who transformed everything he touched to gold?
Donald Duck's dad.
You're amazing.
I can buy the cinema now.
Come to the tent at 8 pm.
It's a party for Faffo! 
Don't miss it!
You know he smacked a judge, years back.
Don't know why.
- I bet he deserved it.
- I'll explain when you're bigger.
- You're too littlie to understand.
- I didn't ask how to screw.
- Why did you hit him?
- It was my second and final stand.
Still hurts.
We expect you at 8 pm, don't be late.
Stay with me, don't back away this time.
Five million to you and five to Sapo.
But I'll buy you your star straight away.
- We all have a star.
- Like sheriffs.
Real stars, Mr.Lawyer.
New stars are discovered every day and they don't have names.
Mine's called Papera (Gander), Molecola bought it for my 20th birthday.
They've all got one, even the restaurants, bars and taxis.
Buy me my star then.
But first drop me off at the crossroads.
I'll join you later.
- You're not staying with us?
- I've got something to take care of.
- What?
- Just something, I'll be quick.
How quick?
Do I have to clock on already?
Don't be long.
I want everyone there tonight.
So how come you ended up smacking a judge in the face?
- Later...
- Like this?
I couldn't wait to see Milena.
for the girl in her room.
We're closing, can you hurry up?
Where are you going? 
It's closed.
You can't go in, rules are rules.
In you go.
Let's get back to Molecola.
Milena, it's me, wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up, for God's sake, wake up.
Milena, this place could end up like Las Vegas.
There's this strange kid who just might be able to do it.
He's mad but he likes us.
He's bought me a star, Like he did for his hotels and his tarts
He'll take Sapo on as well.
The bastards have hurt me.
Everything's burning.
It burns.
It'll soon be alright.
They scraped me out, they hurt me.
It's a hovel.
I'll never get better in here, you know I won't.
I'll never get better.
I'll come and get you tomorrow.
They've messed me up.
- It's all about to change.
- I'm burning!
Listen, I've met someone who believes in me, and in Sapo.
Don't touch me, don't touch me again.
He's willing to pay us five grand apiece.
What do you say to that? 
Five grand.
Five grand every month.
Plus whatever comes up - incidentals, percentages...
Look.
Look, this is already ours.
Ours.
If he'd given it before we could have kept it.
Now we can have a son whenever you like, my love.
Look at my face, they've really messed me about.
I like it a lot.
We can start over.
You'll see, I know we can because...
I feel like I'm free, I feel like a new man.
No more doubts.
When can I go home?
Tomorrow morning, sleep now.
So who gave you all this money?
Is he for real?
- Or another Commander?
- He's a kid.
I'll explain tomorrow, you sleep now.
So you really do love me?
Really.
See you tomorrow.
Thanks.
Thank your ass.
Signor De Angelis.
Where are you going?
Running away like a filthy little rat before we've toasted Faffo.
Frisbee!
Go and dance.
Come and dance with me, I'll feel safer with you.
- Why more safe?
- You're different, so who knows?
- Come and dance this one.
- I can't dance.
He can do it!
- What have you got for me?
- Whatever you like.
I'm here to serve.
He's shy, go on, go and get him.
Give us a turn, Paperella.
Now's your chance.
I was at a dance and I wanted to dance.
I could screw them all for free if I wanted.
Hold me tight.
I've never enjoyed myself so much and so stupidly, it's liberating.
You look tired.
Why not rest?
Have a rest until Faffo gets here.
You're not well.
Your face is clammy as well.
It's this humidity.
You're sweating.
You'll come and live here now, won't you?
We need someone like you.
You'll come and live here and bring your family.
I have no family.
We'll take care of you then, this will be your home.
You'll fit in here, Molecola really looks after everyone.
Where is Molecola?
Molecola, I feel strong tonight, I'm going to help you, you know I can.
It's not even for the money, I feel powerful tonight.
Christ, I feel powerful.
A missile, a bomb...
We were taking business, can't you see who's here?
Al Capone?
You're like a big kid.
Sapo, I forgot all about you, how did you get here so soon?
How?
I didn't even go to Snack Bar Budapest, I knew you'd be here.
Why the Budapest?
I told him to go there, I booked a room there for tonight.
Bravo! 
An excellent choice, the right choice.
When is that moron going to arrive?
The party's a complete failure!
Get the girls over, quick.
Give them coke to the girls, or whoever wants it, no-one leaves till Faffo gets here.
What do we say to the Commander?
Should we trust him? 
How old is he?
Is he mad?
I don't reckon he's got the money.
We're not married, if you want out just go.
I'm saying this for your sake as well, hang on.
Enough.
- Why?
- Just stop.
I say so, and mind how you answer, you need taking down a peg or two.
Good, that's much better.
Try and get a few people together.
Cut the crap.
Girls!
Molecola wants more fizz, more fun.
More imagination.
He pays you for these nights off so show some appreciation.
Get on with it, come on now!
Who's collecting Faffo from the airport?
- Who's there?
- Moreno with the Mercedes.
- When are they due?
- Maybe the next flight.
There's one at 8 pm and one at 11pm, unless the 8 pm flight crashed.
You're not funny, you cretin.
Call the airport now and get back to me, you've got five minutes.
Got that? 
Five minutes!
That's more like it!
Let's go.
Did you know he's got fireworks planned?
From now on I'll be the first to know everything.
- After Molecola.
- You're wrong, I've got autonomy.
It's sorted, the party's in full swing and Papera is calling the airport.
It'll be packed with happy totty.
Faffo's plane touched down two hours ago.
- Was he on it?
- He was on the list.
I had him paged but no-one came to the phone - did I do good?
Who knows what happened?
What do I know?
Maybe they ran out of petrol or got a puncture.
I'm not wasting the night, we have to persuade those Budapest pigs.
I don't want them to know I need their place.
Go on, do your best, whatever it takes, while I turn up the music.
I ring the bell and they'll open because I'm a guest.
Five minutes later crafty old Ulysses opens from the inside to let you in.
- Does Ulysses know?
- It's me, you moron.
- What the hell are you doing?
- Just to be on the safe side.
Let me in.
It's locked, you'll have to come in round the corner.
The side door.
Round there.
- Done?
- Hardly.
It's this way, get ready.
- Hurry up!
- Are you alone?
Yes, and I'm getting cold.
Were you at the party?
Yes or no?
I passed by, there's not much happening.
They're waiting for Faffo to get back from Portugal.
I wanted to go but my parents said no.
- How old are you?
- 17, in August I'll be 18.
Shut the fuck up! 
We're trying to sleep, it's not a bloody hospital.
You're a dirty pig, so is your mother and your friends.
Did you learn that at hotel school?
I gave the keys to the man in room four.
I told you not to speak to guests.
How many times have I said not to get taken in?
You took your time.
What were you doing? 
Making the beds?
Leave it out, it takes the time it takes to do things properly
- Upstairs?
- Let's get going.
Wait, let's have a drink first, since it's on the house.
Try your luck.
Seven thousand lire.
Petrol money.
As soon as he gives the word I'm going to mash all three of them.
Not yet.
Any particular reason?
Should there be?
I just want to think, ever feel Like that?
No, if I think I can't move.
Cheers!
No, it's bad Luck!
To new times.
Slob!
We'll spend some and buy savings bonds with the rest every month
Or Swiss francs - doesn't it stick in your throat?
Far from it, I could see myself settled down in lugano.
Unless the kid's a piss-take.
- And we're fools.
- Molecola is fab.
He's young, but he'll grow soon enough.
- Which suits us.
- If you say so.
Here.
Cigarette?
Open up please.
I'm in room four, could you open please.
At this time?
I'm sorry, but my throat is dry and I've got a bit of a temperature.
I need a bottle of mineral water.
- Use your washbasin.
- The water's dirty.
No-one ever died drinking it.
I'm paying you enough, the least you can do is open up.
I never open at night, not even for money.
The mineral water was a pretext, I want to talk about your daughter.
- What's she done?
- That's what I need to talk about.
Shit face.
Got it?
Open the door when he tells you.
You can lick the spit on the ground.
Shit face!
Don't touch my daughter.
Don't make me go back to Budapest, don't make me.
We're trying to help you.
We're in trouble.
I told myself it wasn't possible.
It was true but it wasn't possible.
You tell them how it is.
Get out or we set fire to the lot.
Tell them, explain to them in proper Italian what's what.
You've got three days to leave.
We need the hotel.
- That was a bit soft.
- Shut it!
It would have to be them, they would turn up here, now.
You go right now or it's all over for you - understood?
We can pay monthly, up to two thousand.
- We'd wipe our arses with that.
- Three thousand.
No more.
No chance, you ugly whore.
What have you done?
Now what?
Carry him to the beach.
Give me something to wrap him in.
Tie his head.
Where's the sea?
It's just down there, 400m.
- What if they find out?
- What if?
If he's not around, he's not around.
- So kiss goodbye to five grand a month.
- Just get to the beach.
Sapo?
Where are you?
For God's sake, where are you?
I was checking no-one was around.
You were checking...
Let's get going.
I wasn't afraid, just standing guard.
- What's wrong with that?
- Fine, you were standing guard.
Put this on first, I can't look.
Take his arm.
At least tell me why you killed him.
- I just did.
- Fuck that.
If we get out of this it'll be a miracle, tell me why I'm risking my neck.
As a favour to me!
No favours! 
I'm here for cash!
You have to earn it, first you have to get this worm back in the ground.
You knew that lot back at the hotel, tell the truth.
- I'll tell you later, help me.
- You knew them.
Help me.
It's the second time they've got in my way.
Let's put the baby boy to bed then you can tell me.
Fucker!
If he gets down that's it.
I was only joking.
We're a bit drunk.
I'm very sorry.
It's his birthday we were celebrating, sorry.
Evening.
Now we're quits.
Mr.He-Man.
You're going for a dip, I'll come too!
I can swim naked.
You've had a bit too much to drink.
What a shitty party.
Introduce me then, my name's Carla.
I'm Molecola's prostitute, and his too...
A pleasure to make your acquaintance.
What about him?
I'm Carla.
If we have to we'll kill her 
- I'm thinking like a real murderer.
Can't you see he's dead.
Dead in what sense? 
He can't get it up?
He can't get it up anymore he's completely sozzled.
You're such a silly - always fooling around.
Bye then, I'm getting cold here without my panties.
Maybe another glass will warm me through.
Bye my friends.
If you love me, follow me.
What did they do at the snack bar, pay you more?
Just dig and keep quiet.
I'll dig and you can tell me while you pile up the sand.
I'll tell you nothing.
Dig more quickly.
You need to concentrate.
I didn't feel Like telling the story again.
But I could see the two of them, dressed in cheap clothes.
-You're against us.
- Spare me the crocodile tears.
Don't send me back to Budapest.
I'm defending the restaurant owner, you were caught red-handed.
He's paying me.
Half of what we stole.
Fifty thousand.
We'll always be friends.
- Why are going back?
- To make them leave, tonight.
- Carry on working for Molecola?
- Of course, nothing's happened.
- Who is it?
- Open up.
You want to see them again, admit it.
Fine, I see, it's not going well this time.
- I'll take another.
- Just don't drink the lot.
Maybe that's it.
You have to leave.
Do I know you?
You must leave.
I never want to see you again.
- What about before?
- Nothing happened.
Do what he says or I'll castrate him.
Go now.
If you knew what a hard life, what tough times we've been through.
This bar is all we have.
Do you know how it got its name?
I just want you to leave, tonight.
That's where I met my wife, she's a bit of a dog now but not then.
You should have seen her breasts - not big but just right, lovely face.
She was a waitress in a local restaurant.
Shut up, I don't care.
I was a trucker, I'd drive two days flat out load up with meat in Budapest then leave the following day.
Wake the kid and pack your bags.
Let me finish.
One day I went to see her on my own, she got in the lorry and we left.
I'd had a hiding place made between the seat and the engine.
I shut her in there when we got near border control.
She should have been in there half an hour maximum.
I remembered the story.
Almost word for word from the trial.
That night an escapee had been shot.
They were searching everyone.
Every so often I'd knock on the hiding place and she'd knock back.
Then there was no reply, I thought she must have suffocated.
She was pregnant now she'd rot along with the meat, and I started crying.
Sitting there in the queue, while the radiator got hotter and hotter.
Then they were waved through:
nothing to declare.
When I managed to open it up she was curled up Like a snake with her face burned from the boiling oil.
But she was alive and she was almost smiling.
You can take our daughter to bed, if you like.
Shut up, just pack your things and get out of here.
That's enough chit chat, no more funny business from you.
We're here to judge on the theft alone.
Forgive me, my lord, we should let him finish...
Our young lawyer has a romantic side.
I may be a romantic...
Let him finish.
Romantic and a touch foolish.
These are fairy stories for fish-wives.
Foolishness invented for fools.
They're shooting.
Get down!
Get down.
They're after them, it's nothing to do with us.
They don't even know we're here.
- What about us?
- I told you to leave.
So what do we do?
Shut it! 
Give me back my shoe.
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
- We're stuffed.
- No, don't worry.
- Our time's up.
- Tomorrow we'll be out with Milena.
- Who's paying?
- Molecola.
The least he can do.
You may need it.
I've got a shotgun.
Go and get it then.
Mr. Lawyer!
Guess who's here?
Stay down!
They got me.
They got me in the shoulder.
It hurts like hell.
We'd be better off shut in down below, they'll come in and slaughter us all.
- Give me your gun.
- Why? 
You've got the shotgun.
Give it to me, you have the shotgun.
What did you do?
What are you still doing here?
Go downstairs.
I'd have sworn it was Carla's sister if I hadn't just seen her naked in Milena's room a few hours back.
What next?
Don't know.
Molecola has a weakness.
- What is it?
- Me.
If you ask me they'll be launching a bomb next.
Don't talk rubbish.
Why don't you come in? 
Make yourself at home.
We'll have a nice friendly chat.
Let's talk.
Now?
A bad night.
But the fireworks were lovely.
I liked them, they were really lovely.
I knew you would.
- What do you want to do now?
- I don't know.
Not good, I always know what to do.
I want to go home.
What are you doing, Molecola, are you crying?
Why should I cry?
You don't care about me anyway
Kids cry.
And yet, we could have done so many things, you and me.
Once we started we'd never stop, you and me together.
I just want to go home, I'm done here.
I'll tell you when you're done.
You defended the scum at the Budapest.
So...
That's what my father says.
- When he messes up.
- We can't start again.
- It would be nice, but no.
- Pity.
Let me go home, I'm tired.
- But you'll come back.
- To do what?
My city, don't you remember?
That was all a dream, a young boy's dream, a nonsense.
No, you go home now.
You sleep on it, you rest up.
Then you come back.
You think a few words can smooth over everything especially the past few hours?
I was never really up for it.
Has your "voice off' come back?
It never really went away.
It bothers me.
It's the sadness for what I once was.
We can do it, we can.
With one word.
Abracadabra.
Nothing more need be said.
But you have to promise to come back.
I want your word, even a handshake will do.
Then I know you'll come back even if the world stops turning.
Molecola.
What do you want with someone Like me?
Everything! 
We'll create the city I've got in my head.
For once, you let yourself go.
And you believe, just believe.
I just want to give it wings.
Let's shake hands and forget about this.
Your hand.
Give me your hand.
What happened? 
Who got shot?
Go home.
Go home!
It's over!
Over!
Who's dead?
Get back down
She agreed, you can have her.
That's yours.
We're going, I never want to see you again.
- I can't.
- You can.
- It's agony.
- Let's get Milena.
Where's the car?
There.
Cowards.
Come on.
We'll take the scooter.
Give me the gun.
What do we do now, mum?
When I saw him lying there, so still, no more days to live no more dreams to dream it pained me.
Come on, for God's sake.
Just to Milena...
Let's go on foot.
Sit down.
Are you sure they won't come after us?
They'll just Let us take their bike?
Let's go on foot, the hospital's not far.
Why?
I don't want to go, I don't give a shit about the hospital.
We're going to get Milena.
Why's she in hospital? 
What happened?
- What did you do?
- Don't worry, she's fine.
We're going home if I have to carry you.
Two minutes.
Keep the motor running.
- I want to come.
- I'll only be a minute.
Open or else!
Open up.
I'm a doctor here, it's urgent.
My wife's inside, open up.
I'm the boss's brother.
Open up!
Try this.
Open up!
coffee at the first bar we came to.
The thought made me absurdly happy.
Have you brought my magazines?
Sorry, can't stop.
When will you come and stay with us?
Next time, I promise
Always the same story.
And you always forget to bring us our fashion magazines.
They've killed her.
Milena, my love.
Who did it?
Who did this, my love?
That coward Molecola.
What are afraid of you ugly shitbags?
Shits.
So are you and your friends, you're all shit.
So am I.
You stink of booze.
They were going to throw a party for me, the whole country waiting for my return.
A massive party with hundreds of people.
They'd even come to the airport to pick me up.
I locked myself in the loos and plugged my ears so I couldn't hear the tannoy calling my name: 
Signor Faffo.
Imagine everyone shouting for me on the final lap.
I overtook the blacks, I was out in front and all I could think of was Molecola.
How happy he'd be with me - stay and listen 
- I did it for him.
- It's over...
- He wanted me to win.
Maybe I'd have won anyway, I was the best.
They made me piss in a bottle.
Then humiliated me in front of the black guy.
How can I go back and face Molecola now?
How can I face him now?
What do I say?

SNACK BAR BUDAPEST
- How are you?
- Nauseous
I'm nauseous and I don't feel like talking
"Termination of pregnancy"
- Is this you?
- Yes
This way
We'II fall asleep and we won't feel a thing
Like a breeze blowing away the badness
fill this form in, gorgeous
Are you the husband? 
Boyfriend?
No specific role
- Just the friend who brought her 
- You can come for her tomorrow
- Can I visit this afternoon?
- I said tomorrow
Didn't you hear?
Bye then
Just go
will you bring me a nightdress?
My sister will give you one
She's called carla, 38 Via delle Sirene
Near the sea front
Good luck
I need a room for one night
They're all available, payment up front
That's 15,000
A phone token
hello?
Put the Commander on
-Did you sort out MiIena?
- I can pick her up tomorrow
- Don't worry, it'II be fine 
- I'm not worried
Might as well do a job sin you're there
I didn't get that, it's too noisy
What the hell do I pay you for? 
Shut up you lot, this is business!
Right, listen carefully...
Another token...
I was wasting the Commander's time, 
You'rea completetosser!
Listen, there's some cash to pick up
A regular monthly payment:
Shut it will you!
Go to Video Space, near the new 
Ask for MoIecoIa... ten grand
- No back-up?
- You'II be fine on your own
That's my mother
It's the nicest room, you can see the sea
splendid!
Maybe they'd already got rid of it
But this time I'd have kept it
Even if that thing in MiIena's belly wasn't even mine
Kiss me then, go on...
Kiss me
Your sister sent me
One in a Iong line of blokes then
I'm here for a particular reason
As long as you pay you can do it with me
What a He-Man!
I think blue
A nice blue prick
Like a Martian
What did you want my sister for?
I taught her everything she knows
I made her watch through a hole in the wardrobe...
Ever since she was little
I felt the blue tube fill up and my body empty itself
Maybe that's why she still does it 
Don't nod off, I've got people to see
That's 30,000 - basic service
Bye sweetie
Do you know Faffo?
Of course, everyone knows him
He won the Portuguese marathon yesterday
Even beat the blacks
Legs like pistons
A real talent
He's back tonight
There's a massive party planned for him
Next!
Next time we cut off your balls
That'II teach you to kick our machines
ugly faggot
You a fag?
tell your boss I need to see him
How thick is a sheet of paper?
A millimetre? 
Less?
If it's loo paper I've no idea
But paper money is ten grand thick
Let's say half a millimetre
Now just imagine a big sheet, not just big, but really really big
- You fold it 64 times, are you following?
- More or less
So how thick will it end up?
Is this one of those puzzles that make you look like a moron?
Just have a guess, whatever
I don't know... maybe it wouId end up 80cm thick, or a metre?
Twice the distance to the moon and back
I couId show you...
No, I trust you
What about you?
Can you be trusted?
You know those films where you have a "voice off'?
I've got one
It was telling me  I'm not really someone you can trust that much
But then I don't have to come up with the cash
Strange!
You can't have your own "voice off', only the main characters get those
There's your ten
- Trust me, Mr Lawyer 
- Ex-Iawyer
I know
Once a lawyer always a lawyer, don't you think?
Like defrocked priests or retired generals
Like thieves or sons of whores
Shut up, crow
- It's an Indian bIackbird 
- Shut it up anyway
I don't know how, and it cost me two parrots and a peacock
Join us
I Iike you, I mean it
You've got style, you can tell you're weII-educated
The world needs people like you
Positive men, who know how to impress with words
Like you and Sapo
What? 
That "voice off' again?
You can always tell me what you're thinking
Do you Iike this country?
Not particularly, too many people in summer and too windy in winter
But wind clears away the rubbish
And it carries off the old people
I know what we need here because I know what I need
I've got plans
I'm hungry
It's lunchtime, Iet me invite you to eat in my restaurant
Fine, it's lunchtime
A great moment: 20 july 1969
- The day I was born 
- I wasn't around then
Out of circulation: personal reasons
In prison, after a bungled attempt at fraud...
"Signe hunc diem aIbo IapiIIo"
Come, Mr Lawyer
nearly there
Fish risotto, sea bream, chips, coffee and liqueurs...
They work for me
- Greetings!
-Let me introduce Mr Lawyer
I'm Curvy
brasil
dollar
How are you?
Postcard
carla, we've already met
- Mr He-Man, if I remember correctly 
- AII your doing
really? 
Next time it's my turn then
He pays nothing from now on
Sister...
The Dream
Lots of Champagne lawyer this, lawyer that, but nothing really grabbed me...
Let's go to the beach
Show the lawyer your hands
Amazing isn't it!
apparently Buddha had hands like that
To the beach!
It's stirred
Do you know who he is?
- Who?
- The waiter
Your father
Wow, you're something else
You have to shell out if you want to reap the benefits, maybe not right now but before summer
A whole new world!
Starting right here
I got three hotels all for a pittance because business was going so badly
The ground floor of one burned down, another was done over twice
The owner of the third decided to sell to me after 24 hours
- mutual interest 
- I bet
No, Mr Lawyer, I don't think you really understand
Just picture it...
A city full of people set on having fun with money to burn
They are there simply to gamble, get drunk and catch the clap
An enormous theme park of a city
You cut down a few pine trees and build a karting circuit and conference hall to stage magic shows and a Miss golden Cunt
slap bang in the city centre a skyscraper of a casino bigger than in America full of Swiss and MiIanese
On the enormous terrace squeezed in among the men in black tie and women in evening dress an illuminated boxing ring where two blacks fight for the European title beating the hell out of each other egged on by a frenzied audience bookies, tannoys whipped into a frenzy at the sight of such violence
- Do you dream?
- I sleep to get some sleep
- well, you can't sleep tonight 
- Why?
I'm throwing a party for Faffo
It's true
It's true alright, nobody gets to sleep tonight, Faffo's coming home
Shame my sister's in hospital getting deflated
She'II be on her feet tomorrow, she can work with her arse for a bit
girls back to work, boys with me - we're taking Mr Lawyer to the flicks
- How much does the Commander pay?
- I get 1 .5 of the five he gives Sapo
- But I get most mornings free 
- To do what?
sleep
Do you Iike porn films?
Sex makes me want to smoke
Even when other people are at it
I just like cartoons
Fire!
DeIinquents! 
This is my job
Work is for losers
Good
Very good
This cinema is indecent, if you hadn't done this, I'd have done it myself
Come on out, we won't hurt you... much
Out or I kill you
I'II count to three, if you don't come out you're dead meat
One...
Two...
Two and a half...
And three quarters...
please don't hurt us, we're not doing any harm to nobody
Let us go, we've got nothing to do with any of this
What did we do?
Three minus not much 
- I'm going to slit your throat
He corrupts little kids, he's a pig, cut him up
Good man
I don't want to see you in here again, you bore me, you make me sad
Done
That's that
Who transformed everything he touched to gold?
donald Duck's dad
You're amazing
I can buy the cinema now
Come to the tent at 8pm
It's a party for Faffo!
Don't miss it!
You know he smacked a judge, years back
Don't know why
- I bet he deserved it 
- I'II explain when you're bigger
- You're too little to understand 
- I didn't ask how to screw
- Why did you hit him?
- It was my second and final stand
still hurts
We expect you at 8pm, don't be late
Stay with me, don't back away this time
Five million to you and five to Sapo
But I'II buy you your star straight away
- We all have a star 
- Like sheriffs
real stars, Mr Lawyer
New stars are discovered every day and they don't have names
Mine's called Papera (Gander), MoIecoIa bought it for my 20th birthday
They've all got one, even the restaurants, bars and taxis
Buy me my star then
But first drop me off at the crossroads
I'II join you later
- You're not staying with us?
- I've got something to take care of
- What?
- Just something, I'II be quick
How quick?
Do I have to clock on already?
Don't be long
I want everyone there tonight
So how come you ended up smacking a judge in the face?
- Later...
- Like this?
I couldn't wait to see MiIena
We're closing, can you hurry up?
Where are you going? 
It's closed
You can't go in, rules are rules
In you go
Let's get back to MoIecoIa
MiIena, it's me, wake up
Wake up
Wake up, for God's sake, wake up
MiIena, this place could end up like Las Vegas
There's this strange kid who just might be able to do it
He's mad but he likes us
He's bought me a star, Iike he did for his hotels and his tarts
He'II take Sapo on as well
The bastards have hurt me
Everything's burning
It burns
It'II soon be alright
They scraped me out, they hurt me
It's a hovel
I'II never get better in here, you know I won't
I'II never get better
I'II come and get you tomorrow
They've messed me up
- It's all about to change 
- I'm burning!
Listen, I've met someone who believes in me, and in Sapo
Don't touch me, don't touch me again
He's willing to pay us five grand apiece
What do you say to that?
Five grand
Five grand every month
plus whatever comes up - incidentals, percentages...
Look
Look, this is already ours
Ours
If he'd given it before we could have kept it
Now we can have a son whenever you Iike, my love
Look at my face, they've really messed me about
I Iike it a Iot
We can start over
You'II see, I know we can because...
I feel like I'm free, I feel like a new man
No more doubts
When can I go home?
Tomorrow morning, sleep now
So who gave you all this money?
Is he for real?
- Or another Commander?
- He's a kid
I'II explain tomorrow, you sleep now
So you really do love me?
really
See you tomorrow
Thanks
Thank your ass
Signor De angelis
Where are you going?
Running away like a filthy little rat before we've toasted Faffo
Frisbee!
Go and dance
Come and dance with me, I'II feel safer with you
- Why more safe?
- You're different, so who knows?
- Come and dance this one 
- I can't dance
He can do it!
- What have you got for me?
- Whatever you Iike
I'm here to serve
He's shy, go on, go and get him
Give us a turn, PapereIIa
Now's your chance
hold me tight
I've never enjoyed myself so much and so stupidly, it's liberating
You look tired
Why not rest?
Have a rest until Faffo gets here
You're not well
Your face is clammy as well
It's this humidity
You're sweating
You'II come and live here now, won't you?
We need someone like you
You'II come and live here and bring your family
I have no family
We'II take care of you then, this will be your home
You'II fit in here, MoIecoIa really looks after everyone
Where is MoIecoIa?
MoIecoIa, I feel strong tonight, I'm going to help you, you know I can
It's not even for the money, I feel powerful tonight
Christ, I feel powerful
A missile, a bomb...
We were talking business, can't you see who's here?
AI Capone?
You're like a big kid
Sapo, I forgot all about you, how did you get here so soon?
How?
I didn't even go to Snack Bar Budapest, I knew you'd be here
Why the Budapest?
I told him to go there, I booked a room there for tonight
Bravo! 
An excellent choice, the right choice
When is that moron going to arrive?
The party's a complete failure!
Get the girls over, quick
Give them coke to the girls, or whoever wants it, no-one leaves till Faffo gets here
What do we say to the Commander?
should we trust him? 
How old is he?
Is he mad?
I don't reckon he's got the money
We're not married, if you want out just go
I'm saying this for your sake as well, hang on
Enough
- Why?
- Just stop
I say so, and mind how you answer, you need taking down a peg or two
Good, that's much better
Try and get a few people together
Cut the crap
girls!
MoIecoIa wants more fizz, more fun
More imagination
He pays you for these nights off so show some appreciation
Get on with it, come on now!
Who's collecting Faffo from the airport?
- Who's there?
- Moreno with the Mercedes
- When are they due?
- Maybe the next flight
There's one at 8pm and one at 1 1 pm, unless the 8pm flight crashed
You're not funny, you cretin
call the airport now and get back to me, you've got five minutes
Got that? 
Five minutes!
That's more like it !
Let's go
Did you know he's got fireworks planned?
From now on I'II be the first to know everything
- After MoIecoIa 
- You're wrong, I've got autonomy
It's sorted, the party's in full swing and Papera is calling the airport
It'II be packed with happy totty
Faffo's plane touched down two hours ago
- Was he on it?
- He was on the list
I had him paged but no-one came to the phone - did I do good?
Who knows what happened?
What do I know?
Maybe they ran out of petrol or got a puncture
I'm not wasting the night, we have to persuade those Budapest pigs
I don't want them to know I need their place
Go on, do your best, whatever it takes, while I turn up the music
I ring the bell and they'II open because I'm a guest
Five minutes later crafty old UIysses opens from the inside to let you in
- Does UIysses know?
- It's me, you moron
- What the hell are you doing?
- Just to be on the safe side
Let me in
It's locked, you'II have to come in round the corner
The side door
Round there
- Done?
- hardly
It's this way, get ready
- Hurry up 
- Are you alone?
Yes, and I'm getting cold
Were you at the party?
Yes or no?
I passed by, there's not much happening
They're waiting for Faffo to get back from portugal
I wanted to go but my parents said no
- How old are you?
- 1 7, in August I'II be 18
Shut the fuck up! 
We're trying to sleep, it's not a bloody hospital
You're a dirty pig, so is your mother and your friends
Did you learn that at hotel school?
I gave the keys to the man in room four
I told you not to speak to guests
How many times have I said not to get taken in?
You took your time
What were you doing? 
Making the beds?
Leave it out, it takes the time it takes to do things properly
- Upstairs?
- Let's get going
Wait, Iet's have a drink first, since it's on the house
Seven thousand lire
petrol money
As soon as he gives the word I'm going to mash all three of them
Not yet
Any particular reason?
should there be?
I just want to think, ever feel like that?
No, if I think I can't move
Cheers!
No, it's bad luck!
To new times
SIob!
We'II spend some and buy savings bonds with the rest every month
Or Swiss francs - doesn't it stick in your throat?
Far from it, I couId see myself settled down in Lugano
unless the kid's a piss-take
- And we're fools 
- MoIecoIa is fab
He's young, but he'II grow soon enough
- Which suits us 
- If you say so
Here
Cigarette?
Open up please
I'm in room four, could you open please
At this time?
I'm sorry, but my throat is dry and I've got a bit of a temperature
I need a bottle of mineral water
- Use your washbasin 
- The water's dirty
No-one ever died drinking it
I'm paying you enough, the least you can do is open up
I never open at night, not even for money
The mineral water was a pretext, I want to talk about your daughter
- What's she done?
- That's what I need to talk about
Shit face
Got it?
Open the door when he tells you
You can lick the spit on the ground
Shit face!
Don't touch my daughter
Don't make me go back to Budapest, don't make me
We're trying to help you
We're in trouble
I told myself it wasn't possible
It was true but it wasn't possible
You tell them how it is
Get out or we set fire to the lot
tell them, explain to them in proper italian what's what
You've got three days to leave
We need the hotel
- That was a bit soft 
- Shut it!
It would have to be them, they would turn up here, now
You go right now or it's all over for you - understood?
We can pay monthly, up to two thousand
- We'd wipe our arses with that 
- Three thousand
No more
No chance, you ugly whore
What have you done?
Now what?
Carry him to the beach
Give me something to wrap him in
Tie his head
Where's the sea?
It's just down there, 400m
- What if they find out?
- What if?
If he's not around, he's not around
- So kiss goodbye to five grand a month 
- Just get to the beach
Sapo?
Where are you?
For God's sake, where are you?
I was checking no-one was around
You were checking...
let's get going
I wasn't afraid, just standing guard
- What's wrong with that?
- Fine, you were standing guard
Put this on first, I can't look
Take his arm
At least tell me why you killed him
- I just did 
- Fuck that
If we get out of this it'II be a miracle, tell me why I'm risking my neck
As a favour to me!
No favours! 
I'm here for cash!
You have to earn it, first you have to get this worm back in the ground
You knew that lot back at the hotel, tell the truth
- I'II tell you later, help me 
- You knew them
help me
It's the second time they've got in my way
Let's put the baby boy to bed then you can tell me
Fucker!
If he gets down that's it
I was only joking
We're a bit drunk
I'm very sorry
It's his birthday we were celebrating, sorry
Evening
Now we're quits
Mr He-Man
You're going for a dip, I'II come too!
I can swim naked
You've had a bit too much to drink
What a shitty party
Introduce me then, my name's carla
I'm MoIecoIa's prostitute, and his too...
A pleasure to make your acquaintance
What about him?
I'm carla
If we have to we'II kill her - I'm thinking like a real murderer
Can't you see he's dead
Dead in what sense? 
He can't get it up?
He can't get it up anymore he's completely sozzIed
You're such a silly - always fooling around
Bye then, I'm getting cold here without my panties
Maybe another glass will warm me through
Bye my friends
If you love me, follow me
What did they do at the snack bar, pay you more?
Just dig and keep quiet
I'II dig and you can tell me while you pile up the sand
I'II tell you nothing
Dig more quickly
You need to concentrate
I didn't feel like telling the story again
But I couId see the two of them, 
-You're against us 
- Spare me the crocodile tears
Don't send me back to Budapest
I'm defending the restaurant owner, you were caught red-handed
He's paying me
half of what we stole
Fifty thousand
We'II always be friends
- Why are going back?
- To make them leave, tonight
- Carry on working for MoIecoIa?
- Of course, nothing's happened
- Who is it?
- Open up
You want to see them again, admit it
Fine, I see, it's not going well this time
- I'II take another 
- Just don't drink the lot
Maybe that's it
You have to leave
Do I know you?
You must leave
I never want to see you again
- What about before?
- Nothing happened
Do what he says or I'II castrate him
Go now
If you knew what a hard life, what tough times we've been through
This bar is all we have
Do you know how it got its name?
I just want you to leave, tonight
That's where I met my wife, she's a bit of a dog now but not then
You should have seen her breasts - not big but just right, lovely face
She was a waitress in a local restaurant
Shut up, I don't care
I was a trucker, I'd drive two days flat out load up with meat in Budapest then leave the following day
Wake the kid and pack your bags
Let me finish
One day I went to see her on my own, she got in the lorry and we left
I'd had a hiding place made between the seat and the engine
I shut her in there when we got near border control
She should have been in there half an hour maximum
That night an escapee had been shot
They were searching everyone
Every so often I'd knock on the hiding place and she'd knock back
Then there was no reply, I thought she must have suffocated
She was pregnant now she'd rot along with the meat, and I started crying
Sitting there in the queue, while the radiator got hotter and hotter
Then they were waved through:
When I managed to open it up she was curled up like a snake with her face burned from the boiling oil
But she was alive and she was almost smiling
You can take our daughter to bed, if you Iike
Shut up, just pack your things and get out of here
That's enough chit chat, no more funny business from you
We're here to judge on the theft alone
Forgive me, my lord, we should let him finish...
Our young lawyer has a romantic side
I may be a romantic...
Let him finish
Romantic and a touch foolish
These are fairy stories for fish-wives
foolishness invented for fools
They're shooting
Get down!
Get down
They're after them, it's nothing to do with us
They don't even know we're here
- What about us?
- I told you to leave
So what do we do?
Shut it! 
Give me back my shoe
- What's going on?
- I don't know
- We're stuffed 
- No, don't worry
- Our time's up 
- Tomorrow we'II be out with MiIena
- Who's paying?
- MoIecoIa
The least he can do
You may need it
I've got a shotgun
Go and get it then
Mr Lawyer!
Guess who's here?
Stay down!
They got me
They got me in the shoulder
It hurts like hell
We'd be better off shut in down below, they'II come in and slaughter us all
- Give me your gun 
- Why? 
You've got the shotgun
Give it to me, you have the shotgun
What did you do?
What are you still doing here?
Go downstairs
I'd have sworn it was carla's sister if I hadn't just seen her naked in MiIena's room a few hours back
What next?
Don't know
MoIecoIa has a weakness
- What is it?
- Me
If you ask me they'II be launching a bomb next
Don't talk rubbish
Why don't you come in?
Make yourself at home
We'II have a nice friendly chat
Let's talk
Now?
A bad night
But the fireworks were lovely
I liked them, they were really lovely
I knew you would
- What do you want to do now?
- I don't know
Not good, I always know what to do
I want to go home
What are you doing, MoIecoIa, are you crying?
Why should I cry?
You don't care about me anyway
Kids cry
And yet, we could have done so many things, you and me
Once we started we'd never stop, you and me together
I just want to go home, I'm done here
I'II tell you when you're done
You defended the scum at the Budapest
So...
That's what my father says
- When he messes up 
- We can't start again
- It would be nice, but no 
- Pity
Let me go home, I'm tired
- But you'II come back 
- To do what?
My city, don't you remember?
That was all a dream, a young boy's dream, a nonsense
No, you go home now
You sleep on it, you rest up
Then you come back
You think a few words can smooth over everything especially the past few hours?
I was never really up for it
Has your "voice off' come back?
It never really went away
It bothers me
It's the sadness for what I once was
We can do it, we can
With one word
Abracadabra
Nothing more need be said
But you have to promise to come back
I want your word, even a handshake will do
Then I know you'II come back even if the world stops turning
MoIecoIa
What do you want with someone like me?
Everything! 
We'II create the city I've got in my head
For once, you let yourself go
And you believe, just believe
I just want to give it wings
Let's shake hands and forget about this
Your hand
Give me your hand
What happened? 
Who got shot?
Go home
It's over!
Over!
Who's dead?
Get back down
She agreed, you can have her
That's yours
We're going, I never want to see you again
- I can't 
- You can
- It's agony 
- Let's get MiIena
Where's the car?
There
Cowards
Come on
We'II take the scooter
Give me the gun
What do we do now, mum?
When I saw him lying there, so still, no more days to live no more dreams to dream it pained me
Come on, for God's sake
Just to MiIena...
Let's go on foot
Sit down
Are you sure they won't come after us?
They'II just let us take their bike?
Let's go on foot, the hospital's not far
Why?
I don't want to go, I don't give a shit about the hospital
We're going to get MiIena
Why's she in hospital?
What happened?
- What did you do?
- Don't worry, she's fine
We're going home if I have to carry you
Two minutes
Keep the motor running
- I want to come 
- I'II only be a minute
Open or else!
Open up
I'm a doctor here, it's urgent
My wife' s inside, open up
I'm the boss's brother
Open up!
Try this
Open up!
Have you brought my magazines?
Sorry, can't stop
When will you come and stay with us?
Next time, I promise
always the same story
And you always forget to bring us our fashion magazines
They've killed her
MiIena, my love
Who did it?
Who did this, my love?
That coward MoIecoIa
What are afraid of you ugly shitbags?
Shits
So are you and your friends, you're all shit
So am I
You stink of booze
They were going to throw a party for me, the whole country waiting for my return
A massive party with hundreds of people
They'd even come to the airport to pick me up
I locked myself in the loos and plugged my ears so I couldn't hear the tannoy calling my name: 
Signor Faffo
Imagine everyone shouting for me on the final lap
I overtook the blacks, I was out in front and all I couId think of was MoIecoIa
How happy he'd be with me - stay and listen 
- I did it for him
- It's over...
- He wanted me to win
Maybe I'd have won anyway, I was the best
They made me piss in a bottle
Then humiliated me in front of the black guy
How can I go back and face MoIecoIa now?
How can I face him now?
What do I say?

Good morning.
Hiroshi, look.
He still carries his scetchbook.
He seems so normal since he has lost his wife.
It's a month ago now that his wife left him.
I wonder where he's going with the torch.
Wait, Hiroshi!
This is my secret place.
All my lost treasures are here.
All the beautiful things I have ever lost, they are here.
All the time I have lost is here.
Everything is hidden in the darkness.
When I was a child, there used to be a river here. 
I played there.
Fish, friends, dragonflies...
They disappeared.
Chibi, is that you?
You were away out of a sudden!
And now you are here in this cold place.
You poor thing.
I am a painter.
I have to paint Chibi.
You?
I met you once.
Then, when there was a river here.
It was you then?
She sensed that something pretty deep was wrong... but before she could get at the truth, he died.
Of course, she took it very hard... but she managed to get to her feet and start living again.
She didn't let herself think about the last days.
Only about the good times, when they were together.
Well?
- Well, now Sara is stirring it all up again.
You mean this writing she's been doing.
- Writing? 
That's grave-digging.
And you're afraid Kay's getting too close to the truth?
You've got to get Sara out of here.
Look Mr. Thompson, you're worried about Kay finding out who Sara is... because you don't want her to get hurt.
Well, I'm here to tell you it wouldn't do Sara any good, either.
She isn't staying in that house for the view, or to hurt Kay.
If she knew what she was doing, she'd be out of there like a shot.
Mr. Thompson, we're in the same shoes... and neither one of us knows which way to walk.
There's a dead guy called Mark Trevor holding on to two women.
That's a tough rope to cut.
I'm trying to figure it out.
If you come up with anything bright, let me know... because I haven't got much time.
Give me your coat. 
I'll hang it up to dry.
I'm drenched.
I've often wondered how you manage to keep this place so neat.
I have a woman come in daily to throw my things around.
Make yourself at home.
Did you enjoy the picture?
Oh yes, I love films that end with the dying criminal slowly climbing up... the church steps.
Riddled with holes, like a Swiss cheese.
This'll be warm in a minute.
It was a lovely evening, Alan. 
Thank you.
It was good to see you laughing again.
Can I get you anything. 
A drink?
Not for me.
It's funny being in this room again.
I remember when Mark and I used to come here... and the three of us used to argue and laugh.
Yes, they were nice evenings.
Alan, why do you do that?
What do you mean?
Turn away as soon as I mention Mark's name.
I'm sorry. 
I didn't know I was doing that.
You know, I've been thinking so much about the last weeks... when Mark wrote those short, restless letters.
Alan, you were his friend.
Don't keep anything from me, now.
What happened to him?
I don't know.
But you were always with him.
He was working very hard, day and night.
He never had a moment to himself.
You don't sound very convincing.
Tell me the truth, please.
I've told you.
No. 
You've avoided it. 
Why?
What are you hiding?
- There's nothing to hide.
Was there someone else?
Don't be silly.
I want to know! 
Was that it?
Kay, please.
Did he fall in love with someone else?
Listen to me, Kay. 
Mark loved you.
Don't start torturing yourself.
No!
Mummy!
Brian!
Brian, what is it? 
Tell me what it is.
I was dreaming.
Oh, don't cry.
Tell me what you were dreaming about.
I saw Daddy, and there was a light in his study, and he was there.
Well, that's nothing to be afraid of, dear.
I wanted him to talk to me, but he wouldn't.
Don't. 
Now, you lie down, Brian, and try to go to sleep.
There.
But if he really isn't gone away, why wouldn't he talk to me?
What do you mean, darling?
Mummy always talks about him, and you always talk about him.
He is coming back, isn't he?
No, Brian, he's not coming back.
Now, I'll tuck you in and you'll fall asleep right away.
That's a good boy.
Where's Mummy?
She'll be back soon.
She went to the pictures.
You're all right now, aren't you?
I don't know.
Well, of course you are.
And you won't have any more dreams like that. 
I promise.
Good night.
- Good night.
Well, sir, you might try shark fishing for your amusement.
I'm afraid that'd be more for the shark's amusement.
Excuse me.
Ship Inn. 
Yes, certainly.
Will you hold the line?
Mr. Reynolds?
Phone.
- Thank you.
Hello?
Carter?
- Sara?
Yes.
I want you to come up and get me out of here.
What's happened?
I can't tell you now. 
Please hurry.
I'm on my way.
Kay?
It started to rain.
We went to Alan's place to wait until it stopped.
What's wrong, Kay? 
Can you tell me?
I found out why Mark stopped writing.
He met someone in London and fell in love with her.
It was really very obvious.
Alan didn't say anything, but I could see it in his eyes.
I can't think of anything except, "What was she like?"
"Did she work with him? 
Was she beautiful?"
Kay, listen to me.
I can't help it, I've got to know!
I won't see anyone.
What's the matter?
She found out.
- What?
No, not about me, just that there was someone.
Carter, I have to tell her.
Stay away from her. 
Don't do it.
- But I must!
Get hold of yourself. 
Let's get out of here.
- No.
Do you want to stay and watch her suffer?
I'm going to tell her who I am.
- What good would it do?
If I hadn't come here, none of this would have happened.
I brought him back to her.
All right, she found out, but why tell her it was you?
What could be more cruel?
To let her torture herself about who it was.
To go on wondering, not knowing.
If you tell her, she'll flay you alive.
- I know.
Well?
I'll tell her.
Want me around when you do it?
But I want you waiting when I come out.
With a big net?
The biggest.
Good night, Mr. Polworth.
- Good night, Sam.
Sara.
I'm sorry if I embarrassed you.
You didn't.
I felt frightened.
I know.
Kay, remember the first night I stayed here?
You told me about Mark's death... and how you'd found a way to face it.
Yes, I remember.
You told me because you felt I was suffering the same way.
You were right. 
I was.
Mark and I met three months ago in London.
Mark and you met?
We fell in love.
Why are you telling me this?
I want you to know who it was.
What are you doing here?
Why did you come to my house?
Kay, I knew so little about him.
I had to see where he lived, just once, before I left England.
I asked you what you're doing in my house.
I didn't mean to come inside, believe me.
I walked through the village and passed the house.
Then I saw Brian... and when he talked to me, I couldn't seem to move away.
Then you asked me in.
I couldn't help it. 
Don't you understand?
Oh, yes, I understand.
I understand a lot of things now.
Why you wanted to be friends... why you helped with the broadcasts, and why you stayed in the house.
Kay, please.
What are you trying to do?
Take Mark away from me... even after his death?
Say anything you want.
I'm sorry, Sara.
I didn't give you enough assistance.
No one could expect you to write properly about him... without knowing all the intimate details.
I'll try and make that up to you now.
We were married in that village.
The reception took place in this room.
We spent our wedding night in this house.
Do you want to know what he said to me that night... and all the other nights we were together?
And when Brian was born.
Shall I tell you about that... or did you find out about it in London?
I didn't know Mark was married until the day before he died.
Of course not.
And I was the one who invited you into this house. 
You didn't want to come in.
And Mark's picture got smashed by accident.
You brushed up against it, you weren't holding it.
I've heard about as much as I can stand.
I don't want any more lies.
I want you to go.
Not before I tell you this:
I loved Mark with all the love I had.
He was coming back to you and Brian.
I was just someone he had met and was going to leave.
He wanted to be here with everything he loved, the way I loved him.
Please go.
I'll get my things.
We'll have a few minutes wait, sir.
I'll find an empty compartment for you.
Thank you.
We'll spend a few days in New York, then fly to San Francisco.
I want you to see how the conferences are working.
And after that?
The East. 
The finish is coming there soon, and I want you to cover it.
Do you feel up to it?
It'll be good to be working again.
Would you come this way, sir?
Sara!
Wait inside for me, Carter.
Sara.
- What is it?
I wanted to say goodbye.
Goodbye, Kay.
Send Brian a photograph of the Empire State Building.
I will.
Goodbye.

Mr. Moon?
My name's Claude.
I have an appointment with you.
Who made it?
Mr. Brink.
What do you want?
A job.
You'd like to work for me?
Yes, sir, I'd like to work for you.
Do you know what business I'm in? 
No, sir.
Mr. Brink didn't tell you?
No, sir.
Why do you keep calling me "sir"?
I respect you.
I'm a retired real-estate broker.
I don't do anything anymore.
I sit in my room,
Read, look at television, smoke cigars.
I'd still like to work for you.
I want to be a contractor.
Have you done it before?
No, sir.
You can only make a mistake once in this job.
Well, I'm different.
What do you mean, you're different?
I don't make mistakes.
Then how come you're out of a job?
I'm not.
I've got a steady job.
I make a nice income, pension, fringe benefits.
So I want to improve myself.
I want to buy a certain house on the ohio river.
With my salary, it'd take about 23 years.
I can't wait.
I want to work for you.
Mr. Brink was kidding.
I'm a retired real-estate broker.
I appreciate your talking to me.
You have a phone?
Yes, sir.
Write it down.
I never put anything down on paper.
Smart boy.
The number's OP7-2468.
Maybe tomorrow, next week, or next month.
If you're not in, I won't call back.
Mr. Brink? 
Moon.
He just left.
I don't know what to make of him.
He's too smart.
All right, maybe we can use him.
We'll see if he passes the examination first.
Let him sit home and sweat for two weeks.
Yes, sir, this is Claude.
Yes, sir. 
Yes, sir.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You look relaxed.
I feel relaxed.
What have you been doing the past two weeks?
Waiting for your call.
How'd you know I'd call?
You need me.
Don't you get restless?
If I get restless, I exercise.
My girl lives in cleveland.
Well, this is not cleveland.
I don't like pigs.
I do. 
Human nature.
Did you bring your gun?
I don't have a gun.
Knife?
I don't even carry a room key.
You're a smart boy.
Your first contract.
You're not gonna count it?
It wouldn't pay you to cheat me.
You're smart, smart.
I'll call you, Claude.
Goodbye.
I'll let you know the name and the address.
Thank you very much.
Dr. Walbert, you're wanted in surgery.
Who's there?
I thought I told you never to come here again, Claude. 
I know that, sir.
You got your pay, didn't you?
Same as always.
Why'd you come?
Mr. Brink sent me.
For what?
Los Angeles?
No, I've never been there.
Well, it's on time, anyway.
Why didn't he fly out?
It takes 10 hours instead of wasting 3 days on a train.
You're nervous.
Don't stay up so late.
The trial is on the 18th.
All we got is two weeks.
All it takes is one little minute.
That's all it takes in the gas chamber.
Don't be so pessimistic.
It's not your job.
He's gotta fill the contract, not us.
We're just messenger boys.
Federal trial...
The guy's gotta be crazy
To fill a contract like that.
You think the chief would send a crazy man 3,000 miles?
Well, if he ain't crazy, he's greedy,
And that's just as bad.
Well, so he's greedy.
He's making 5 grand on the job.
5 grand?
A guy could really live on that.
Yeah, but how long can a guy like that live?
Boy, while it lasts, it's pretty gorgeous.
Marc, would you take a job like that?
I mean, really, would you?
Wouldn't you?
Me? 
No, I'm not that ambitious.
Come on.
Let's go meet him.
Guess you'd like to freshen up.
Not especially.
I feel fine.
You hungry?
Had a fine breakfast on the train about an hour ago.
Better get you back to the hotel.
They got a lot to talk about.
It's a shame to get cooped up in a room on a fine day like this.
I'd like to drive around a bit, see the sights. 
I've seen the sights.
Well, I haven't.
Look, man, we'd like to get this over with, you know?
It's no picnic.
My name's Claude.
I'm George.
He's Marc.
Pleased to meet you boys.
Now that we've said hello,
Let's see how fast we can say goodbye, huh?
Listen, pal, we don't want to rush you,
But we're anxious to get it done with.
You know, the trial's on the 18th.
Well, I don't do rush contracts.
I may be on this an hour, a day, or a week.
A week?
I deal with the chief as I call the time.
Whatever you say, Claude, whatever you say.
Where do we go?
I'd like to see the pacific ocean.
Do you mind?
We got you a nice, quiet room.
I don't like it, George.
I tell you, I don't like it.
This guy's weird.
He don't even ask who the target it.
Well, wait till he finds out. 
He won't be so relaxed.
Tomorrow he wants to go deep-sea fishing.
Claude, you don't want to really go deep-sea fishing, do you?
My pa always told me
When a guy's got something important to do,
He better take time to plan.
And I can't think of any better way to plan
Than sitting behind a fishing pole.
Sitting gives a man patience to think.
There's too many doers in the world.
Not enough people take time to think.
The ones who go deep-sea fishing.
You filled many contracts, Claude?
That's a silly question.
Now, if I told you, that'd be two of us that knew.
That's two too many.
Now, be a good boy and dry my back.
Monday he went swimming.
Tuesday he went fishing.
Yesterday he went to the zoo.
And not one word about the target.
He ain't even asked who it is.
I tell you, I don't like it, George.
I don't like it at all.
You're repeating yourself.
I'm gonna tell him now.
Aren't you guys out in that fine, fresh air?
What's the schedule today?
The circus is in town.
We could go down and feed peanuts to the elephants.
Have you boys ever killed anybody?
I thought not.
It's not easy, you know.
Oh, you read in the paper
About some wife doing away with her husband,
Child murderer, knifing at a tavern brawl.
These are crimes of passion.
Crazy people off their rocker.
Then there's the trigger-happy hoodlum.
The kid that kills a gas-station attendant
Because he can't open a cash register fast enough.
That's another type of crazy person.
Both types eventually get caught.
They don't plan.
They can't.
Even if they did, it'd be no use.
The only type of killing that's safe
Is when a stranger kills a stranger...
Nothing to link the victim to the executioner.
Now, why would a stranger kill a stranger?
Because somebody's willing to pay.
It's business, same as any other business.
You murder the competition.
Instead of price cutting, Throat cutting.
Same thing.
There are a lot of people around
That would like to see lots of other people die a fast death,
Only they can't see to it themselves.
They got conscience, religion, families.
They're afraid of punishment here or hereafter.
I can't be bothered by any of that nonsense.
I look at it like a good business.
The risk is high, but so is the profit.
You're a real superman, ain't you?
Let him talk, Marc.
I like when he talks.
It's educational.
I wasn't born this way.
I train myself.
I eliminate personal feeling.
You were born like everybody else 
- Flesh and blood.
You gotta feel.
I feel hot.
I feel cold.
I get sleepy, and I get hungry.
Today is the 8th.
We got 10 days, that's all.
Plenty of time.
You want the money, don't you?
I want to do a good job.
When you do a good job, the money comes.
But when?
When are you gonna do it?
You haven't even seen the target.
I'll tell you when.
Now both you guys get outta here.
You're beginning to irritate me.
Is that how you bring all your orders?
Isn't this what you ordered, sir?
Take a look at that coffee cup.
There's lipstick on that coffee cup.
I don't like to drink coffee out of a cup
Some lousy pig left her trademark on.
You call yourself a waiter?
You're sorry?
Sure, you're sorry.
You're sorry you gotta work for me.
You're sorry, maybe, you're alive altogether.
If you're in a bind, don't bug me with it.
Get out of it yourself.
What's your name?
Why are you scared, harry?
I'm not scared, sir.
Wanna bet you are?
You're too scared to add yourself up.
That's why you're bringing me a cup of lipstick.
You're too far gone to care anymore.
Why are you miserable?
'Cause you haven't got any dough?
And why haven't you got any dough?
Because you're too scared to go out and get it yourself.
You want it to come to you.
Well, nothing comes to you, harry, nothing,
Except one thing, death.
Death comes to you.
It comes to everybody.
Only everybody thinks they'll live forever.
There's a laugh.
They think they'll live forever.
The way I see it, harry,
Everybody lives off everybody else.
Who do you live off?
Guys like me?
Where would you be if it wasn't for guys like me,
Out of a job?
Look at this.
Dust over everything.
Whose job is this - Somebody else's?
Only it never gets done,
Just like that coffee cup with lipstick -
Full of lipstick, full of disease,
And you get paid to carry it around.
Well, for my money, you can get me a clean cup!
Wait a minute.
I'll sign the tab.
Here. 
This is for you.
$5 for me?
Don't you want it?
You know, I'm beginning to like it out here.
Sunshine every day.
Reminds me of miami.
When were you in miami?
Was I in miami?
You just said it reminded you of miami.
You oughta be lawyer.
Ain't you driven around enough?
Ah, it sure is nice.
Hey, Claude, if we turn right at the next block,
I can take you up coldwater canyon
And show you the house.
Whose house?
The hit's.
You want to see the location, don't you?
Sure, George, sure.
Hey, you should have turned right there.
Not today.
It's too nice today.
Can't be bothered with stuff like that.
He must be a genius in his own field.
He's a genius, and I'm dying.
That guy's poison.
Give me a light.
Haven't got a light.
What are we gonna do, George?
If we could just call long-distance... we can't call long-distance.
You know that.
We're sitting on a real volcano.
It could blow up any minute.
He's out there driving golf balls.
I'd like to drive a nail in his head.
He doesn't even care.
A real genius, like I said.
We gotta be seen trailing around after him,
Like we're on a vacation or something.
He's finished at last.
Cards?
Pinochle?
What, pinochle?
I'm going out.
I'll be back in a couple hours.
You mind a little company?
It's not in my contract.
Everything is in your contract until you fill your contract.
He's right, Claude.
Where did he go?
You were sitting right next to him.
Why didn't you watch him?
Suppose they pick him up.
Who's gonna pick him up?
He didn't do anything.
It's our job to see he doesn't get out of our sight.
Why didn't you keep an eye on him?
He slipped out like a cat.
We'll be a couple of dead cats if we don't find him.
Let's get outta here and look for him.
Where are you gonna look?
I don't know, but let's go.
We're not gonna find him sitting here.
Where've you been?
Watching you two guys.
What do you mean?
I waited outside the theater.
I followed you everywhere you went.
What for?
I wanted to make sure you didn't have a tail on you.
I know nobody followed me from the east.
But I wasn't sure of you two.
That's why you were stalling?
Today is the 14th.
I feel like a calendar.
We got 4 days, that's all.
Tomorrow you can show me the hit.
What's the name of the target?
Billie Williams.
Lives in that little house halfway up the other hill.
There's a lot of men moving around down there.
Fuzz.
What?
Cops. 
Detectives.
Where you been all your life?
You talk like a citizen.
You'll have to bear with me.
I'm just learning the trade.
Honest, Claude, you never served time before?
Not even reform school?
No.
What have you been doing with yourself all your life?
Studied, built myself up, went through high school,
Commercial course.
Today I'm an expert comptometer operator.
You got a big career ahead of you.
Yes, $76.20 a week before taxes.
Billie Williams is there now.
Can't see him.
There's a woman in the way.
Who's that, his wife?
No, it's her.
The target is a woman.
Are you kidding?
I thought you said, "billy williams."
That's right, Claude - Billie Williams.
She was the piano part of a trio
Before she was sponsored by you know who.
- Where are you going?
- I'm gonna call New York. 
Renegotiate this whole deal.
What does he think I am, a sucker?
Claude, I wouldn't do that if I was you.
Why didn't they tell me it was a woman?
Why didn't they tell me?
Tell you? 
They don't have to tell you nothing.
How were they supposed to know you was chicken?
Trying to make me mad, huh?
You're not gonna succeed.
I'm not scared, and you know it.
He's not chicken, Marc.
He's not chicken.
He's a good boy.
He just doesn't like to damage a woman.
It's not a matter of sex, it's a matter of money.
If I'd have known it was a woman,
I'd have asked double.
I don't like women.
They don't stand still.
When they move, it's hard to figure out why or wherefore.
They're not dependable.
It's tough to kill somebody who's not dependable.
I'll do it, but I want more money.
I'm not authorized to pay you a penny more than expenses.
Then I'll do what I said.
I'll call the chief myself.
Don't do that, Claude.
Please, don't.
I wouldn't do that, superman.
Why not?
He might not agree.
Well, if he doesn't agree, the deal's off.
The deal's off?
The deal's off, you're dead.
Come on, let's get going.
I got lots to do.
Miss wiley?
Well, well, come in, stranger.
Think I'm drunk, don't you?
Are you? 
Yes, I am.
I'm drunk and I'm mad and I'm sore at my landlord
And I'm sore at the world.
Here, handsome.
Gonna help me paint,
Or are you just gonna stand there and decorate the premises?
Hey, your name joe?
My name's bartholomew - J.J. Bartholomew.
I'm with the federal star insurance company.
Funny, you look just like joe.
You're cute 
- A little too cute, if you know what I mean.
But I don't need any insurance right today.
Can't afford it, got no job, and I'm drunk and I'm mad.
I could afford a magazine, maybe.
Got any magazines to sell, or a vacuum cleaner?
You could demonstrate a vacuum cleaner for me any old time.
You've got it the wrong way around.
I'm gonna pay you.
For some facts, information.
Information.
Oh, information.
I got lots of information.
That's about all I got.
You remember that What's-Her-Name starlet
Got caught with the wrong brand of cigarettes
In the headlines about two years ago?
Well, I used to work for her as a personal maid.
One morning I come into her boudoir.
You know what she had on?
Miss Wiley...
Yeah, honey?
I'm not interested in her.
Who, then, me?
Well, my insurance company's got a policy issued to her -
$100,000.
So we'd like some information.
Well, I'll tell you one thing.
Please do.
She's scared.
Scared? 
Why?
She's scared.
She fired me two days ago without notice.
Oh, she gave me a bonus.
What hurts is she don't trust me.
Wanted nothing but cops around her house.
What does she do all day?
Nothing.
That's impossible.
Of course it is, but it's a fact.
She's an expert at doing nothing.
What does she do all morning?
Tv 
- Turns it on the minute she wakes up,
Like some people reach for a cigarette.
And then what?
Then nothing.
Watches TV, does her eyes,
Reads the newspaper, listens to tv at the same time.
Now, there's a disgusting habit.
What does she eat for lunch?
Soup with matzo balls.
The cops bring it by squad car,
Sirens screaming all the way from beverly hills.
And then a chicken sandwich with the crust cut off.
I get to do that.
Some privilege, huh?
Anything else you can tell me about Billie Williams?
What does she do all afternoon?
TV or else piano.
Tickles on the piano.
She used to be in show business.
Pictures all over the walls, famous names,
"With love, to Billie."
"Love." Who gets love?
You've really been a great help.
This is for your trouble.
$100?
Nobody home.
I told you.
I don't understand it.
He's always on time.
He goofed.
Your superman goofed.
Remote control.
How did he know she had a remote control
On the tv set?
Not even any wires.
He's supposed to know.
He's superman.
I have come to the conclusion as follows -
Superman ain't quite right in the head.
Who's gonna hear me, you?
!
Scared of him.
He's unpredictable.
I'm too mad to be scared.
Three days.
Today's the 15th, tomorrow's the 16th,
The day after's...
He'll come through.
I've got faith in that brain of his.
The trial starts the morning of the 18th.
If Billie Williams ever gets to that witness stand -
Don't even think about it.
We should wire the chief.
One single reason why not.
I don't trust western union.
Then we'll call him direct.
Get your head blown off direct.
I'd be better off.
I wouldn't have this worry.
They sent a loony to do the job!
It wasn't his fault.
It was a good idea, Brilliant idea.
High-voltage electricity in a tv set,
She turns on the set, boom.
It's very clever.
Clever, very clever, I admit it.
So clever it didn't work out.
High-Voltage electricity kills.
It killed Joe Dutch in 40 seconds.
Joe dutch was strapped in a chair by the state of new york.
Same idea.
The idea was a bust!
It wasn't his fault!
You and me... 
We don't pretend to be supermen.
I don't even claim to be mighty mouse.
This is one job I could do all by myself.
Foreign make.
You can't trace it.
Shoots soft bullets.
They spread when they hit.
One shot kills.
You are not the contractor.
I'm willing to loan it to Claude, free of charge.
You know he doesn't like guns.
Who? 
Who likes guns?
I don't like guns.
Depends on which end you're talking about.
He has told you several times he don't likes guns.
Superman!
He can't stand the noise!
Shut up!
He might hear you!
He's not even here and you're scared of him?
I guess I am.
Which is it?
Two loonies they send me.
How did you get in?
Skeleton key.
Very handy.
Well, superman?
don't feel too bad.
It was a great idea.
I mean, how was you to know remote control -
They use it to eliminate commercials.
It's unfair.
Nobody knew.
Did I know it?
Did you know it?
You and me - We're meatheads.
But he 
- He's superman.
Tomorrow's the 16th.
I said shut up, please.
You've got 48 hours to finish the contract - 48 hours.
How are you gonna do it?
Tell me how.
Leave him alone.
He's trying to work it out.
I know that.
He's got to.
He's got that house on the ohio river.
He's gotta get that out of escrow.
Am I right, superman?
Leave him alone!
Let him talk.
Keep on talking, Marc.
Want a little advice?
Will you listen?
I got no brains.
That I know.
The one thing I got is an interest.
If this job isn't finished to complete satisfaction,
I got no future - No future whatsoever.
- So if this job was entrusted to me...
- Marc, stop it!
Go ahead.
What would you do?
I would take a gun.
I would shoot my way into that house
And finish the job once and for all.
Of course, that don't take brains.
That just takes nerves and guts, which I don't believe you got.
You got no use for a gun.
They're illegal, and I never use anything illegal.
I'm a law-Abiding citizen.
I brush my teeth three times a day,
And I never drive above local speed limits.
Not that I don't appreciate your thought, Marc.
I do.
I watched that house for five hours today,
And things are bad - Very, very bad.
They've doubled, maybe tripled the guards around that place.
You can't get within 500 yards
Without being searched and questioned,
And I was searched and questioned.
Fortunately, I don't carry a weapon.
I'm just a tourist.
A dumb citizen, as you say.
And that's not the worst of it.
That girl's scared.
She's so scared, she won't go in the garden.
She just goes from the bed to the piano,
From the piano to the bed.
If I could only get her to come to the door
For a period of three seconds.
George... you're gonna drive me to a toy shop.
What? 
I hear right?
Or am I going bats?
He said a toy shop.
He's gonna buy a cap pistol and...
Scare her to death.
I like you, George.
You got a sense of humor.
You're real clever.
That's the first signs of intelligence.
What do you think?
I hold to my first opinion.
He's fresh-fried out of a nut factory.
Maybe he's crazy, but what's the difference?
He's still very clever.
All right.
Now straighten your right arm.
Get your left foot back
About six inches behind your right at right angles.
You can't hit anything unless you relax.
Look, Claude. 
Clear up something for my stupid head first.
How are you gonna hit her if she won't even come to the window?
Look, will you relax now?
You can't hit anything unless you relax.
Pull back.
Try another one.
Let's see how you do here.
That's a little better.
Good. 
Very good.
I want you to go in there
And take the steel tips off the arrows.
I don't want to hurt anybody.
You didn't buy anything.
It's 5:00.
It's getting late!
We can't do anything until tomorrow,
And tomorrow's the 17th!
Well, what's your plan?
How can I plan with all that noise going on?
What noise?
Your mouth.
Did you ever handle a gun, George?
I ain't talking.
How many men can a bullet kill?
Maybe two if they're standing close together.
How about a hand grenade?
A three-inch mortar.
I don't know.
I don't even want to know.
Take a guess.
Maybe a dozen... if they're standing close together.
How about a big navy gun?
Oh, say, a 6, 8, 11-Inch?
I don't know, but it's really gruesome.
I saw that English picture once.
How about an airplane bomb?
Hydrogen bomb?
That's really murder.
Fall on los angeles, wipe out the whole smog.
And what do they do to the guy that, uh, throws the grenade,
Fires the mortar shell, aims the navy gun,
Drops the airplane bomb, or presses a button
That sends a missile 5,000 miles with a hydrogen warhead?
What do they do to him?
You're talking about soldiers.
Well, do they arrest him?
Put him on trial?
What for?
Do they give him the gas chamber,
Electrocute him, or hang him?
Well, a soldier is doing his duty.
And what if he refuses?
They court-martial him.
They kill him for refusing to kill, right?
Well, it's logical, isn't it?
Look at this place.
Weapons for sale.
A warehouse full of murder.
And me, because I've got a business contract
To kill one person,
They label me a goon, a murderer.
Funny.
Ironic, isn't it?
I could go in there
And pose as a purchasing agent for a film company.
"We have need for a genuine antique tank gun
With live ammunition."
That's great, Claude.
That's great.
It's got a range of 2,000 yards.
We could haul it up the hill on a trailer hitch,
Point it at the house, fire two or three rounds
At the corner of the house where she lives... wait a minute.
Marc, come here.
This boy's got it made.
A real genius, like I said.
Einstein's personal brain.
All right.
Let's hear it.
Go on.
Tell him, Claude.
Marc, I want to get me a smith  smith hunting rifle
With a tripod and telescopic sight.
You said we were gonna get a genuine piece of artillery,
An antitank gun on caterpillar wheels.
Unfortunately, to get that weapon,
You have to have a license, and to have a license,
You have to be a civilized country.
Now, are you a civilized country?
I didn't even graduate third grade.
At least you're taking my advice.
You're getting a gun.
How do you expect to hit the target
If you can't get the target to come to the door?
I'm gonna let George take care of that for me.
Aren't you, George?
With your little bow and arrow.
You don't know me, but I saw your photo in the papers,
And I wondered if you and I couldn't get together
Sure, buddy.
Where do you want me to pick you up?
Who was it?
Just a crank.
Who are you?
My name's Mayflower, James William Mayflower.
I never saw you before.
I came on the night shift.
You were sleeping then.
How do I know you're telling me the truth?
Well, I have my badge here.
You can buy that badge in any drugstore.
Lady, I resent your attitude.
I had to take three examinations
For the privilege of buying this.
Now, you go back to sleep.
If I wanted to kill you, I could've done it hours ago.
I'm sorry, officer.
It's just that I'm so scared sometimes
I can't breathe!
They tried to kill me!
Do you know that?
Well, I heard about it.
They blew up your television set, didn't they?
Why don't you request they put you in custody?
What do you mean by that?
The central jail, under lock and key.
Why not?
You'd be safe there.
Why do you think i'm going through all of this?
Why do you think I agreed to be a witness?
I want to keep out of jail.
Will you go back to sleep?
No one's going to hurt you.
24 hours the trial will start, then it'll be all over -
All your troubles.
Believe me.
I believe you.
I have to believe you.
What else can I do?
Houseful of men staring at me.
You'd think they'd never seen a woman before.
Maybe they haven't.
I want a woman in here.
You fired my maid.
You fired my cook.
Two cops in the kitchen.
The meals taste like glue!
I want decent meals, and I want some service!
I'm gonna take that stand, not you.
It's my life I'm taking a chance on, not yours!
Now, I want a woman in here!
Do you hear me? 
A woman!
Now, get on that phone!
It won't do you no good.
Call up.
Please tell him what I said.
Annie, listen,
Give me central division, will you, please?
Sergeant?
Sergeant, this is Mayflower.
I'm over here on the williams beat.
Yeah, well, uh, miss williams has a complaint.
She says she wants a woman in her room.
I don't know, sergeant.
She says men are too -
Sex crazy.
That's what.
Tell him sex crazy!
Sex crazy.
Listen, uh, she's been in here a long time.
She's nervous.
That's all it is.
He says he'll send a maid over right away.
Let's hope I live to see her.
Well, if you don't, I won't.
It can't work!
She'll never come to the door!
You'll sit here forever.
Maybe so, but I got one thing in my favor.
I'll be surprised.
What?
The human female is descended from the monkey,
And the monkey's about the most curious animal in the world.
If anything goes on,
It just can't stand it not to know about it.
Same thing with a woman.
Not this dame.
She's too scared.
Yeah, with the top of her head.
But we're gonna get her before she wakes up,
So she acts automatically, without thinking
Wakes up and rushes right to that door.
And rushes right back.
Great, Claude.
All I need is 11/2 seconds.
Just enough time to squeeze the trigger.
I'm gonna zero in.
You all set, George?
Sure.
Where do I aim?
Over there, into that brush up in the hills.
Wait a minute. 
Wait.
There's fuzz all over that hill.
They got shotguns every 50 yards.
The more the better.
Are you all set?
How long do I wait?
You don't.
You go to work at exactly 8:00 a.M.
Suppose he goofs.
Well, then I just turn this gun around
And put a bullet in his head.
Some joke.
I'm not joking.
You mean it?
You enjoy life, George?
At times, yes.
At times, no.
You like food?
Cigars? 
Fat women?
How do you know I favor fat women?
Oh, I know about you, and I know about him.
I know about people.
I make a study of them - Psychology.
I like you, George.
Don't goof.
It would really hurt my feelings.
What time?
Same as Marc.
Exactly 8:00 a.M.
Just light enough to see
And early enough to wake her up for about 10 seconds.
My name's wexley.
Are you the new maid?
If she knows you're not a maid, she's gonna let out a scream.
I've heard the sound of female screams
Quite a bit in my young life.
Doesn't bother me anymore.
What time have you got?
7:59 exactly.
Listen, be nice to her, will you?
Even if it hurts.
She's got to get up on that stand tomorrow.
It's a nervous situation.
Well, she's all yours.
You nervous, boy?
No, but I like to make sure.
I don't like collecting money on false pretenses.
Where did you develop such a big conscience?
I went to church regularly.
I don't like your jokes, superman.
Well, George does.
Don't you, George?
I just spoke to shingles.
You didn't tell him...
Don't have to tell him nothing.
He runs off at the mouth.
Well, come on.
What'd he say?
He was told by a nurse
Who works at the georgia street receiving hospital
Who got it from a cop who was there -
What'd he say?
When they wheeled out her body,
It was covered with a sheet.
Maybe she was just wounded.
Covered with a sheet - Face and all!
You see, superman?
A gun does the job.
A gun works.
And you didn't want to use a gun.
You were afraid.
Hey, get your house out of escrow now.
What's the matter?
You unhappy?
I should've stayed.
I should've stayed and checked the whole thing myself.
Look, Claude.
I know shingles.
He's a liar, but he wouldn't lie to me.
A cop tells a nurse.
A nurse tells shingles.
Shingles tells you.
An awful lot of the facts can get lost in a chain like that.
Suppose he didn't hit the target.
Don't even think about a thing like that.
"Billie Williams, former jazz pianist
"And reputed ex-Girlfriend of big smiley,
"Now under indictment for income-Tax fraud... was shot to death early today in her home."
That's enough.
George, get those papers back.
Some poor citizen's looking for them.
As long as you're up, huh?
I don't believe it.
Get me a train ticket, will you?
Aw, there's plenty of time.
Next train goes at 10:00.
Well, that's five hours from now.
What do I do for the next five hours?
How does a guy find relaxation in this lousy town?
I tell you, I just can't believe it, that's all.
What are you yapping about?
It's hard for me to believe you turned out to be human.
Well, don't be too sure.
Emerlan, gross, farver, and mcguire.
Mr. Mcguire's office.
Good afternoon.
I'll make a note of it.
Well, surely.
But, Mrs. Clark, I wear indelible.
Well, I'll try.
Wipe your feet and come in.
Were you raised in a barn?
Close the door.
My name is mary.
Well, give me your life history, honey.
Break my heart.
Oh, I never discuss my personal affairs.
You will.
Women always do.
Well, don't you like me?
What's to like?
I like you, yeah.
Satisfied?
No, you don't.
Your tone is not sincere.
You're disappointed.
And I so wanted you to have a good opinion of me.
I have no opinions whatsoever,
But you can check in a half hour.
I like people to like me.
Why don't you?
Well, I'll tell you why.
First place, take that lipstick off of your mouth.
Well, I have.
I mean I tried.
Look. 
Nothing comes off.
You see?
And in the second place, you're two hours late.
I have to catch a train at 10:30.
Well, I work until 5:00, had to go home and change... and I had a previous appointment.
I had to bring a birthday present to my mother's uncle.
I don't care to hear about it.
Where are we going for dinner?
Anyplace you like, as long as it's quick.
You're not the politest person in the world.
I'll be polite.
I guess a person can always use a drink.
You got a clean glass?
Here's one.
All wrapped up.
I like this hotel.
It's nice.
Very sanitary and all that.
You don't mind?
Don't get the wrong impression.
I'm not an alcoholic.
All day long, ever since what happened this morning,
There's been fuzz all over town.
Why?
What happened?
Well, don't you read the local newspapers?
Oh, you mean about the girl?
The girl piano player?
She was the girlfriend of one of the real biggies.
Is that so?
and a narrow escape.
Makes me shudder.
You don't call being shot and killed instantly
A narrow escape, do you?
That's just what they give out to the papers
To avoid further trouble.
Billie Williams wasn't hurt.
Just hysterical.
And I don't blame her one little bit.
They carried her out under a sheet.
I saw it on the front page.
That was a policewoman.
She made the mistake of trying on billie's negligee
Right in front of billie's door.
Now, isn't that a howl?
when a member of the force gets killed,
Well, they just go crazy.
I mean, they go all out, and then everybody's in trouble.
They'll arrest a person for just looking the wrong way.
How do you know?
They just do, that's all.
They go crazy when one of their own cops gets killed.
How do you know the story in the paper was false?
I happen to know.
You make a statement, but you don't care to prove it.
You made it up, didn't you?
It's a lie.
What difference does it make?
It makes a lot of difference!
Look, I don't mean to get sore.
I'm just curious, that's all.
my mother's uncle - The one that had the birthday -
He's on the d.A.'S staff - High up.
Very high up.
A nice, sweet old man.
We see a lot of him.
He told me.
He said, and I quote,
"Billie Williams is shot dead.
"But she is nevertheless going to appear very much alive
On the morning of the 18th at 10:00 a.M. Exactly."
That's what the man said.
And you implied I was a liar.
Miss, I'd like you to go home now.
But what about dinner?
I have to make a 10:30 train.
If I'm not wanted... no, I won't go!
It's insulting!
Get out!
Here's your cab fare.
I want to know why!
I'm not in the mood.
Now, go on home like a good little girl.
But I won't be pushed!
Oh, everybody pushes me around.
Look, I got nothing against you personally.
I've developed a little headache,
And I've got to catch a train.
Look, don't be so emotional.
It doesn't pay.
You've got to look at life - Dollars and cents.
Cold, objective facts,
By which I mean face facts, little girl.
You've been paid, so come on.
Go home.
You know...
you're attractive.
Please don't think i'm the kind of girl
That says that to everyone.
I know. 
Lipstick.
I'll leave you my office phone, and -
And next time you're in town, you call me.
All right.
I'll do that.
Now, remember.
You promised.
You call me.
Hey.
You're up early.
Where are you going, Claude?
You're upset.
Naturally, we're all upset.
But you can't leave now.
It's not fair to us.
I tried.
I tried twice.
I don't mind telling you, Claude... you disappoint me.
It can't be done.
The contract's a jinx.
Jinx?
If you don't complete this job, you're the one who's jinxed,
And we're jinxed right along with you.
You can't force me to work against a jinx.
If I do, I'm dead.
Who's gonna force you?
But if you don't fulfill your part of the contract,
What were you saying, George?
Nothing.
He wasn't saying nothing.
He's disappointed, that's all.
Well, what do you mean?
Like he said, i'm... disappointed.
Sure, because Claude's right, George.
You can't work against a jinx.
Hey, what time does your train leave?
Well, I could get the 7:42.
It's a coach.
We'll drive you down to union station.
No, don't bother.
I'll take a cab.
No, no!
We'll drive you.
We wouldn't want the chief to think that we goofed on our job.
Come on, George.
Get his bag.
Union station?
...we felt it'd be better
If we kind of hid you away
For a couple, three days, you know?
Well, the chief's gonna be pretty sore.
He's already sore.
Well, how do you know?
We spoke to him.
How?
On the phone.
Well, what'd he say?
He said to get rid.
Of me?
Of you.
Unless you change your mind and finish the job.
What?
He didn't say!
Let him finish the job.
No. 
No chance.
look, I won't work against the jinx, and that's it.
All right.
It's settled.
Come on.
We'll show you to your room.
What is this place?
It's a movie studio.
Not much business.
He's sick.
Stay where you are.
Superman... get up, superman!
Guns are bad luck, Marc.
You better take this with you.
Where you're going, kid, you'll need it.
I'm your pal, George!
I need you!
We'll do it together!
We'll finish this contract, George, you and me!
Tell mr. 
Brink to get back from europe.
Tell him to call me right back.
If he doesn't, I'll fill my contract 
- With him.
Would you give your number, sir?
Beechwood 7-4400.
Who is this?
This is Claude.
I said this is Claude!
What do you want?
Why didn't you tell me it was a woman?
Well, a woman will cost you more money.
Ten grand.
Wire me ten grand care of western union.
Ten grand?
That's right - One followed by four zeroes.
I'll send it care of the boys.
The boys are dead.
Nice little house.
Are you buying it or selling it?
I've been hired to do the landscaping on it.
Any questions?
I'd be glad to assist.
Yeah. 
What are these squares outside the house here?
Drains.
Holes with steel grating.
What are they for?
Drainage.
Rainwater.
Doesn't rain much in los angeles,
But when it does, boy, watch out.
You from out of town?
I'm native-Born, like the gophers.
Joke.
What are these parallel lines here?
Nothing to worry about.
They belong to the county.
Culvert.
Big pipe to carry off the water.
How big?
Mm, two feet.
About big enough for a man.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
You bet.
Pay the cashier on your way out.
Who are you?
I'm the relief officer.
I'm new.
Never seen you before.
Does music bug you like it does all the other cops?
If you want to play, play.
Stop walking around.
You're making me nervous.
If I sit, I get nervous.
How long is that piece?
You'll see when I finish it.
Why do you want to testify against brink?
That's a funny question for a cop to ask.
Even a cop would hesitate to do what you're doing.
It's brink or me!
Once he's gone, i'll be safe.
Turn around.
Keep playing.
Keep playing!
You'll never get away with it.
Even if you kill me,
They'll get you before you get out of here.
That's the relief.
Give me a break, and I'll give you one.
Get out of here, and I won't scream.
You down there!
You don't have a chance.
Come on out.
We'll give you a break.

(dramatic music)
# Six Texas Rangers
# Hi oh, hi oh
# Rode in the sun
# Hi oh, hi oh
# Six men of justice rode into an ambush
# And dead were all but one
# One lone survivor
# Hi oh, hi oh
# Lay on the trail
# Hi oh, hi oh
# Found there by Tonto, the brave Indian Tonto
# He lived to tell the tale
# Hi oh Silver
# Hi oh Silver, away
# Hi oh Silver
# Hi oh Silver, away
# His wounds quickly mended
# Hi oh, hi oh
# And there in the night
# Hi oh, hi oh
# Six graves were put there to hide from the outlaws
# That one man lived to fight
# He chose silver bullets
# Hi oh, hi oh
# The sign of his name
# Hi oh, hi oh
# A mask to disguise him, a great silver stallion
# And thus began his fame
# Hi oh Silver
# Hi oh Silver, away
# Hi oh Silver
# Hi oh Silver, away
# The Lone Ranger
# Is his name #
(trumpet music)
("William Tell Overture" by Rossini)
(horse neighing)
("William Tell Overture" by Rossini)
(gunshots booming)
(gunshots booming)
(bullet whizzing)
(fists thudding)
(fists thudding)
(yelling)
He won't be talking to anybody.
What about that masked man and Injun?
They could cause us plenty of trouble.
We got what we were after.
No matter who that masked man is, he'd never be able to figure out what that was.
Come on.
We could do nothing, Kemo Sabe.
The Mission Sandorio isn't far from here.
Maybe the padre can identify him.
Let me get horses.
(horse neighing)
What is it, big fella?
Him act strange, Kemo Sabe.
He's trying to tell us something.
What's the trouble, Silver?
Tonto, something's wrong.
(baby crying)
A baby!
(Long Ranger chuckles)
Him must have been put in rocks before outlaws attacked.
Silver found the baby and it looks as if he plans on taking good care of him.
Don't worry, big fellow, we'll be careful with your new little friend.
(baby sneezing)
(mission bells ringing)
Kemo Sabe, them think we kill this man.
Woman: 
Padre, Padre, come quickly!
Welcome, my sons.
Lone Ranger: 
Hello, Padre.
We didn't mean to frighten your people.
Yes, yes, I know, my friend, but...
Lone Ranger: 
Do you know that man?
Woman: 
Padre, it's Koomani from the village.
He was attacked by a group of hooded outlaws.
Padre: 
And the little one, is he all right?
Yes, he was safely hidden in the rocks.
Oh, come, come, Paviva, you mustn't be frightened.
These men are my friends.
But the mask, Padre.
He doesn't hide behind it for evil purposes, like those who call themselves the Hooded Raiders.
(praying in foreign language)
Take Koomani.
It is hard for them to understand, and their fears have grown worse since this all started.
Have outlaws killed others?
A wave of robbery and murder has been going on for over three months.
They look to me for an answer,
I don't know what to say to them.
And now, this little child of Koomani's.
The mother is already gone.
So tiny to be without a home and loved ones.
Oh no, Padre, he will have a home here.
And I will love him.
(baby cooing)
Paviva will take care of you, little one.
Padre, do you not think it wise to send for the doctor?
I would rest much easier if I knew that the baby was unharmed.
Me get doctor.
Where I find him?
In his office, in Sandorio.
Dr. James Rolfe.
Gunman: 
Brady, come here.
Ah, that's the Indian that was with the masked man.
And he's looking for the doctor.
Barman: 
What are you doing in here, Injun?
Me look for Dr. Rolfe.
Man tell me he is here.
Did the man tell you I don't allow no redskins in here?
Me leave, after me find doctor.
The doctor's upstairs in lock-up, attending one of my prisoners.
Now if you got any business with him, get on outside and wait for him.
Me find doctor.
I said outside, Injun!
Pale Hat Man: 
Maybe you're hard of hearing, Injun?
Blue Hat Man: 
Maybe he don't know it's the sheriff talking to him.
(clattering)
Take it easy on the woodwork, boys.
Costs a lot of money to keep this place solid.
(fists thudding)
Stop!
Let that man alone.
Pale Hat Man: 
Better keep out of it, Doc.
That's enough!
Pale Hat Man: 
Doc, what's the matter, you gettin' queasy or something?
Sheriff: 
Yeah, kind of out of your line, ain't it, Doc?
How come you're taking the side of an Injun?
I've got enough work to do without patching up after your saloon brawls.
I told him we didn't allow no redskins in here.
That doesn't give you the right to stand by and see a man almost killed.
It's supposed to be your job to keep the peace.
Tonto: 
You're Dr. James Rolfe?
That's right.
Padre sent me from Mission.
Is the Padre ill?
No, but him want you come.
Certainly.
Another one of them charity patients, huh, Doc?
Oh, now don't get sore, Doc.
You know how it is,
I gotta see to it the place is run right.
(baby cooing)
Sound as a dollar.
He's a fine boy, Paviva.
I hope you can get the men who killed his father.
It's too bad the law can't help you.
I'm afraid Tonto found out rather painfully what kind of a man our sheriff is.
Bruises on body go away, but Sheriff have sickness can't be fixed with medicine.
Padre, we'll be heading for our campsite.
By the way, the first Indian who was killed, were there any surviving relatives?
Yes, his widow.
Her name is Caulama.
She's working for Frances Henderson.
Thank you.
Well.
Speak and you shall see.
Here's Frances Henderson.
Do you wish to see her?
No, Padre.
Tonto and I will leave through the back entrance.
The fewer people that know of our presence here, the easier our work will be.
(knocking at door)
Come in, my dear.
You're a welcome sight to the tired eyes of an old man.
Oh, a man's never old when he can make a woman's heart flutter with such charming words, Padre.
I bet you were a devil 20 years ago.
Oh, hardly a devil.
I saw horses outside.
I'm not intruding on something, am I?
No, Frances.
The horses belong to some friends of mine.
(baby cooing)
Oh, what a precious child!
Paviva: 
The baby's father was attacked and killed by the Hooded Raiders.
How terrible!
Why did they kill him?
Same as before. 
No apparent reason.
Oh, this is terrible.
What kind of men do we have in this town?
As of right now, I'm doubling my reward for the capture of the raiders.
What about the wire I sent to the Federal Marshall's office?
Have you received any word?
Not a word, Padre.
I doubt if anyone even knows this town exists anymore, including the Federal Marshall's office.
I sometimes wonder why I stay here.
If it weren't for men like you and the doctor,
I would have left a long time ago.
Tell me, Doctor Rolfe, what keeps you in Sandorio?
It's my home.
But a handsome, intelligent young man like you, why, why you could make twice as much money in some other town.
It's his job to heal the sick in body, my dear, just as it is my job to heal the souls.
If money were the important thing,
I'm afraid Sandorio would lose both of us.
I just wish I weren't so disgustingly healthy, Doctor.
Believe me, I'd welcome a chance to become your patient.
Padre, I've got to get back now.
But please, if there's anything I can do, just let me know.
And try not to be so serious, Doctor.
You're so much more handsome when you smile.
James.
Why do you make it so difficult?
There's nothing to discuss, Paviva.
I told you that.
How can you stand it?
How can you just stand by?
Because I've learned to live with it.
I've learned to resign myself to what I'm doing.
I'm sorry there's nothing I can do.
My child, what is it?
What is wrong?
(Paviva sobbing)
(crickets chirping)
(Silver neighing)
(cans clattering)
[Native American With Rifle] You have killed our friend Koomani.
For that, you will die.
You're wrong.
We tried to save his life but we were too late.
That right.
We take his boy child to mission where him be safe.
One hand not clean the other.
Padre will tell you, we speak the truth.
We come as friends.
Friends?
Friend not fear to have face be seen.
I only wear this mask as a symbol of justice.
Does this mean anything to you?
A silver bullet.
That great silver stallion.
Hoo-wa-ka.
When I first saw the mask, I thought...
Thought I was one of the Hooded Raiders?
Yes.
I am called Redbird.
I understand the men of your tribe have accepted the laws of the land.
Why are you now taking the law into your own hands?
Two of my people have been killed.
The law seems not to be written for us.
The law was written for all men.
Kemo Sabe, look.
It is beginning of ceremony of Lake of Fire.
Torch will burn till five suns have crossed the sky.
Padre spoke to me of the festival your people plan.
You have heard the legend?
Yes.
Tonto told me the story, but it was many years ago.
Redbird: 
It is told here on stone by my ancestors.
It was many, many years ago, when the shiny-headed Spanish warriors came up from the sea.
They plundered the villages of my ancestors, and many were killed.
Spanish soldiers hunt for seven cities of gold.
They care not who die.
The Indians can't work with arrow against gun and armor.
It is here where this lake now ripples in the moonlight that the legend of the Lake of Fire began.
The Spanish warriors had made campsite here, put guards out.
Spanish know that my people were to attack at dawn, and know they fight to death.
But Spanish not worry.
They know that only miracle can save Indians from slaughter.
But then, miracle happen.
A great ball of fire came out of the heavens.
Ball of fire fell straight at Spanish camp.
(dramatic music)
The Spanish were destroyed and my ancestors were saved.
The great hole made by fire from heaven soon filled with water, and Lake of Fire was born.
It stays to give my people truth of the great power above.
That is why we have ceremony.
Crater Lake.
The ball of fire of course was a meteorite.
That is what white man believes.
But to the Indian, it was dropped by the hand of someone above.
(coyotes yipping)
Redbird: 
We must return to our village.
I will tell our chief that you are here.
His heart is heavy with sorrow now because of the death of Koomani.
Redbird, you will keep your promise to the Padre?
Redbird cannot say what will happen when next the sun rises.
Only that he will fight for his people.
Ross: 
Make out anything?
Frances: 
A little, it's too early to tell.
We still only have two medallions, and I need all five.
If you'd need a thousand, Fran, I'd get 'em for you.
Frances: 
I know you would, Ross.
Please, Ross, not now.
We'll have plenty of time together after this is all over.
Ross: 
That city of gold's been there a long time.
It's not going anywhere.
Frances: 
I know that.
Don't get sore, Fran.
What's the matter, getting scared?
Maybe.
I don't like having that masked man after us.
Particularly after what happened today.
Ross: 
Ah, what could he find out?
Maybe it's hard for you to understand, Ross, but, well this is something that I've thought about for over five years.
Ever since my late husband and I found out for sure that the city of gold existed.
We collected and read hundreds of books, deciphered thousands of documents.
And then we found it, in the journal of one of Coronado's lieutenants.
One of the seven legendary cities of Si-pet-a was a reality.
It's right here, Ross, near Sandorio.
The five medallions are a key to fabulous wealth.
We must locate the others.
Don't worry about it, we will.
The boys are getting kind of anxious about another payday.
They're tired of collecting Indian trinkets.
They think I'm a little loco.
Frances: 
You haven't told them anything, have you?
Of course not.
But like I say, they're running short of whiskey money.
You think you can get them together by tomorrow afternoon?
Yeah, sure, what do you got in mind?
Well, there's a payroll going out to the Dallas mine.
Dallas? 
That belongs to you.
That's right, it does.
Don't you think it's about time
I was a victim of the Hooded Raiders?
Fran, you're great.
Frances: 
So are you.
Ross: 
I know, but convince me.
(dramatic music)
(gunshot booming)
(gunshots booming) (outlaws yelling)
(coyotes yipping) (crickets chirping)
Long Ranger: 
Tonto, I don't understand it.
They kill a poor Indian for no apparent reason.
Then they rob Frances Henderson of a payroll.
Tonto: 
You think maybe them try to throw suspicion away from Indian killing?
I don't know.
I wonder.
The legend the of the Lake of Fire.
Does it have any connection with these mysterious killings?
(horse snorting)
(horse whinnying)
(laughter)
Kemo Sabe?
Lone Ranger: 
Brett Reagan, from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, at your service, sir.
Seem that you failed to provide your steed with a horse blanket.
Ah, Scout, him plenty funny.
Get up, Scout.
Go on.
Go on!
Why you wear disguise?
Well, it just seemed to me that a nice Southern gentleman like myself could get more answers in Sandorio than that masked man you ride with.
That right, but who you talk to?
Tonto, my first stop will be the Indian woman whose husband was killed two weeks ago.
Maybe she can help us.
You ride Silver?
No, it might be that some of the Hooded Raiders are in Sandorio.
I'll get a horse from the Padre.
When you leave?
Well, as my daddy Colonel Beauregard Reagan was fond of saying, there's no time like the present.
No, sir.
You'd better stay here.
I'll contact you shortly.
Mr. Reagan, Caulama will be out shortly.
I hope you won't upset her, she's very old and her husband's death was quite a shock to her.
Well, I'll try not to, ma'am.
You like my painting?
Well I never did care much for Velazquez.
Can-no was more to my liking.
Why, you surprise me, Mr. Reagan.
You don't look to be an art lover.
Well, you can never judge a book by its cover.
Like this ranch here of yours.
I never expected to find all this inside.
My late husband was quite a collector of early Spanish art, and fortunately I've had the money to keep up the same interests myself.
Sit down.
Lone Ranger: 
Thank you, ma'am.
Tell me, Mr. Reagan.
Why exactly did you come here?
To speak to the Indian woman.
Well, I know that, but why?
It could be that thousand dollars you're offering for information about the Hooded Raiders.
Oh, are you a lawman?
No, ma'am, not exactly.
Then it's the money that you're after.
That's right.
I understand one of your wagons was robbed yesterday.
Does that up the reward?
Possibly.
What is it then, are you a bounty hunter?
At your service.
To the highest bidder.
I admire your frankness, Mr. Reagan.
But isn't it a rather dangerous occupation?
Well, hoeing a field can be dangerous if you whack your foot.
Mr. Reagan, you're priceless.
Not quite, ma'am, but I do have my price.
Depends on the circumstances, as to how much it is.
Oh, Caulama, come in.
Mr. Reagan would like to ask you a few questions about your husband.
Him die.
Do you have any idea why he was killed?
Why moon rise?
Why cloud cover sun when rain is come?
Caulama know not why her man is die.
Lone Ranger: 
But was he robbed?
Was he carrying anything of value?
Like money, or gold?
Husband not have gold.
Evil men steal coins, bracelets, neck piece him get from Chief Tomache.
Not worth money.
Then there's nothing else you...
Please, Mr. Reagan, there's nothing more she can tell you.
That's all, Caulama, you may go.
I'm afraid you've picked out a rather difficult job this time, Mr. Reagan.
And you've got some competition.
Ma'am?
Frances: 
A masked man, who rides a white horse.
He's also on the trail of the Hooded Raiders.
Yes, I believe I heard something about that myself.
However, it doesn't bother me too much.
See, if the masked man gets there first, well, I'll just have to find another way to get some money.
Ross.
You might extend us the courtesy of knocking.
This is not the town saloon.
I wanna know what he's doing here.
Mr. Reagan is here on business.
He's a bounty hunter.
He's, ah, interested in collecting the reward for the Hooded Raiders.
I don't like strangers comin' around here.
Get out, Mister.
I'm here visiting Mrs. Henderson, sir.
I'll leave when she tells me.
Tell him to leave, Fran.
Now!
I'm sorry, Mr. Reagan, perhaps it would be better if you left.
Yes, ma'am.
If you say so.
We'd probably make quite a mess in her living room.
Good afternoon, Mrs. Henderson.
No more, do you understand?
You're my woman, and it's gonna stay that way!
And don't you ever forget it.
(bells chiming)
Padre: 
Oh, forgive me, my son.
I didn't mean to intrude.
I was just about to leave, Padre.
You're not very good at keeping secrets, James.
Your troubled heart is very apparent.
It's something I have to work out for myself.
I'm not a mind reader, James, I'm only guessing.
But if I'm right,
Paviva's in the mission garden.
James: 
Paviva?
Isn't that something, Paviva?
There's nothing like a mother's love, I guess.
Paviva: 
Oh, James!
Paviva, don't.
Please try to understand, Paviva.
I have tried to find the right answer, the right words to make you realize how I feel.
Nothing comes out the way I want to say it.
But why, James, why?
Can you not be proud instead of ashamed that you were born an Indian?
I'm not ashamed.
I'm doing this for my people, for our people.
Only in this way can I make enough money to give them free treatment.
Paviva: 
Surely there must be some other way.
No, there's not.
I saw the suffering my mother went through because she was an Indian.
Do you know what that meant to me?
I only know that you live a lie.
But with reason.
This way my plans for a mission hospital may someday become a reality.
If I admitted the truth, the people of Sandorio would not accept me.
But to do this, you must deny your love for me.
You must deny how we feel about each other.
Paviva, I love you.
Nothing will change that.
But it means nothing, James.
Love is something one must share.
You ask me to understand.
But how can I forget my love for you?
How can I renounce what is in my heart?
I can't answer those questions.
I only know that you and I are not important.
We're only two people.
My work involves the lives and dreams of many.
I hoped and prayed so, that our baby...
James: 
It's not our baby, it's not even your baby.
I know, James.
But the little one is so helpless.
He needs the love of a mother and a father.
I thought that...
No, Paviva.
But you are a fine doctor, James!
The people could not deny that, even if they knew.
It wouldn't work, Paviva.
You must try and understand.
You must forget me.
Forget all that is in the past.
You are a coward.
I cannot stand by and watch any longer while you listen to insults against our people.
Do not worry, James Rolfe,
I will not speak your secret.
But I think that you will be a lonely man.
You will always know in your heart the truth.
You were born a red man, and you will die that way.
(wagon rattling) (hooves pounding)
(townspeople talking)
[Stagecoach Driver] Well, we found Koomani's killer.
Voiceover: 
Who was it?
[Stagecoach Driver] Old Charlie Gray.
I found him out the weigh station.
Excuse me.
That station's burnt clear to the ground.
Must've been them Hooded Raiders again.
Lord knows why they'd wanna kill old Charlie.
Couple you boys get him over to the coroner's.
I'll be right over.
Horse tracks, Kemo Sabe.
Five of them.
Men ride out that way.
Hooded Raiders, no doubt of that.
Mystery is, what were they after?
Tonto.
Maybe this is the answer.
Small chain.
What it mean?
I don't know exactly.
Maybe nothing.
Remember when we found Koomani?
His shirt was torn open at the neck.
Hmm, that right.
The old Indian lady told me that her husband wore a trinket around his neck.
You know, this could all tie up.
You mean, maybe hooded men after what Indian wear around neck?
Looks that way.
The old woman told me the trinket was given to her husband by Tomache, chief of the tribe.
Tonto, maybe Tomache can help us.
A day's ride back to Indian village, Kemo Sabe.
We'd better hurry.
Another life may be in danger.
(dramatic music)
(telegraph clicking)
This is it, Ross.
What we've been waiting for.
Mm hmm.
Redbird: 
Welcome to our village.
Thank you, Redbird.
I'd like to speak to Chief Tomache.
He lies outside Council Hut.
Greetings, Chief Tomache.
We come as friends, to speak with you.
Chief: 
You man who ride silver stallion?
Are you Tonto?
Redbird tell me you come help us.
Lone Ranger: 
Yes, now we want you to help us.
Tomache can do nothing.
Much evil come to my people.
Evil, perhaps, Tomache's doing.
Three die.
Who know how many more?
You know why them killed?
Tomache only know is him who put curse on people.
Piece silver, touched by hand of evil spirit.
Silver?
What do you mean?
Chief: 
Oh, it's many year ago.
When Tomache young chief, find silver in canyon.
Got pieces.
Give friends.
How many, Tomache?
Five.
All man who died have one.
Then these killings do tie up.
Tomache, you must tell us who else has those medallions.
There are two left.
One belong Tomache daughter.
Her marry soldier.
Leave village, not see her again.
But the medallion.
Would she have given it to anyone?
Daughter have boy child.
But Tomache not know where he is.
Never see him, will not see boy child.
Tomache die soon.
You've no idea where this grandson is located?
No way to tell us how we can reach him?
Not know.
Dead maybe.
Who have other medallion?
One belong to Tomache's brother.
Him die many years ago.
He give silver to boy.
And this boy, do you know where he is?
He work on ranch, uh,
three, maybe four days' ride.
He come to village for ceremony.
Him here now?
No, man from Sandorio bring paper to.
Tomache this morning.
Paper come magic wire.
What does it say?
Tomache no read.
Redbird read for him.
Masked man look at signs on paper.
He's due in Sandorio on the stage in less than an hour.
There still may be time.
Tomache, we thank you for your help.
If we're not too late, this is one death we may prevent.
Go-heh.
(dramatic music)
(explosion booming)
Raider: 
All right, get down.
Hurry up.
(gunshot booming)
(gunshots booming)
(gunshot booming)
(fist thudding)
(gunshots booming)
Who do you ride for?
Tonto, take him to the mission.
Have the Padre go with you to Sandorio to lock him up.
Only jail is room over saloon, Kemo Sabe.
I know, but we have no choice.
Our one chance now is to get him to talk.
Save your breath, Mister.
Silver!
(Silver whinnying)
Where you go, Kemo Sabe?
After that stage.
The young Indian might be able to give us some information.
Sheriff: 
What in the thundering tarnation is going on here?
What do you Injuns want?
We come for prisoner.
Give keys.
Now look here, Injun.
You can't order me around, I'm the sheriff here.
That prisoner's my responsibility, I just won't allow it.
Fat man stop us?
I'll lock you all up!
No bunch of redskins is gonna come bustin' into my place and tell me what to do!
Put that prisoner back in his cell!
Prisoner: 
What kind of law is this, anyway?
Redbird: 
Indian law.
Tonto: 
Kemo Sabe.
Padre, what is it?
Redbird, the Indians in the village, they've taken the prisoner from Sandorio.
Taken him?
Do you know where?
To their village.
I don't know what they will do with him.
Indian justice is swift.
Let's hope it's not too swift.
That prisoner is our only lead to the rest of the Hooded Raiders.
Come on, Tonto.
Hyah!
No, no!
(arrow whistling through air)
No please!
White man, tell us who else killed my people.
No, no, don't!
(arrow whistling through air) (prisoner groaning)
Who you work for?
I can't, I can't, they'll kill me.
No!
(dramatic music)
No, I can't, don't shoot, no!
No, don't!
Any idea what's going on?
No, but I can see him good enough.
You think he'll talk?
Wouldn't you?
Grab those horses.
White man, tell truth.
Who are the Hooded Raiders?
Why you kill Indian?
Prisoner: 
Oh please, please don't!
Stop, I'll talk.
(gunshot booming)
Lone Ranger: 
Redbird, you've broken your promise to us.
No, my friend.
This man was our only clue to the others.
Now you've killed him.
No, Indian did not kill.
Bullet fired from over there.
Indian only try to frighten outlaw.
We have many way to loosen tongue of silent man.
But now he's dead.
White man die, but tell me name of man he work for.
Say Brady.
Brady?
Redbird: 
Brady is man who lead Hooded Raiders.
Redbird speak truth, Kemo Sabe.
Me find rifle shell and tracks of two horses.
What else did he say?
Say outlaws steal medallions.
Not know why. 
Only Brady know why.
There only one left, Kemo Sabe.
Maybe outlaws already have it.
Maybe Brett Reagan can find out a little more about this.
I have a good description of those medallions, and Brady might be convinced that Reagan has the last one.
That dangerous, Kemo Sabe.
Maybe Brady already know where medallion is.
That's one chance I'll have to take.
(knocking)
Frances: 
Mr. Reagan.
Afternoon, Mrs. Henderson.
Sorry to bother you like this, but I'd like to speak to your gentleman friend Mr. Brady.
Frances: 
What makes you think he's here?
Well his horse is outside, for one thing.
And you, for the other.
Frances: 
Come in, won't you?
Thank you.
Afternoon, Mr. Brady.
Please don't get up, sir, I'll sit down.
You don't give up, do you, bounty hunter?
Or maybe I didn't make myself clear enough the last time you were here.
Lone Ranger: 
I'm not here to see the lady this time, sir.
It's you I wish to speak to.
Yeah, why?
Why, business, Mr. Brady.
Ross: 
I'm not interested.
Maybe you'd be interested if I told you
I knew the identity of the leader of the Hooded Raiders.
Why tell me?
Tell the sheriff, he's the law around here.
Well, I kind of figured you'd like to hear about it first, sir.
You see, I'm interested in money.
Information like this is only worth a thousand dollars.
Thanks to Mrs. Henderson's reward.
I figure you'd like to offer twice that much.
Trying to blackmail me?
Sir, a Southern gentleman never stoops to such tricks as blackmail.
I like to call it shrewd business dealings.
I wouldn't do anything like that, Mr. Brady.
I also happen to be in possession of some other information.
There whereabouts of a certain medallion.
Now, if you were to shoot me,
I wouldn't be able to tell you anymore, would I?
I don't follow you, Reagan.
Why should I be interested in any medallion?
Because it's written all over your face.
Now sit down, Mr. Brady.
No sense in getting all excited about this.
Now suppose you tell me who your employer is.
Ross: 
Employer?
That's right.
It's quite obvious that you aren't equipped with the intelligence to be behind an operation like this.
I'd rather do business with the person you take your orders from.
Mister, I'm gonna take you apart!
Please, Ross, let me handle this!
Why don't you ride on back to town?
Look, Fran, this guy...
Please, let me talk to him alone, please.
Please, Ross.
All right.
But you be careful, you hear?
Yes, yes now go on, and I'll talk to you later.
You seem rather suspicious, Mr. Reagan.
I've found it pays.
Yes, it does.
Would you like a drink?
No, thank you.
Never mix business with pleasure, as they say.
Well, then, let's get along to the business, shall we?
So tell me, what is this about a medallion?
Well, I'm not rightly sure you'd be interested, ma'am.
People have been killed for having one.
Frances: 
Well I posted a reward for the killers.
Possibly this is the answer to the mystery.
No, I don't think so.
That reward of yours is mighty nice, but this is something worth a lot more.
I don't understand.
Lone Ranger: 10,000 dollars.
Ten?
For a medallion, a trinket?
Lone Ranger: 
Well like I said, ma'am, people have been killed for having one.
I imagine those people would've thought 10,000 mighty cheap for their lives.
You interested?
Well, no, it's just that, well this whole thing puzzles me.
Puzzled me lots more until I got my hands on the medallion.
You have it?
Yes, ma'am.
And now I aim to sell it.
Well, perhaps I would be interested.
That is, you see, I collect valuable relics, and if this medallion is worth what you say it is...
Ma'am, I think you're trying to play games with me.
I believe you know why it's worth so much.
Now, can we do business?
Well I'd have to see the medallion first.
Why, I'd sure be a fool to carry anything like that with me.
No, I've got it safely hidden in a good spot, two days' ride from Sandorio.
Well then I'm sorry, Mr. Reagan.
Thinking it over, 10,000's an awful lot of money for something I haven't even seen.
I don't think I'm interested.
Well, that's perfectly all right, Mrs. Henderson.
I can afford to wait until the right buyer comes along.
Nice to have seen you again.
Wait!
Yes?
Please, Mr. Reagan, sit down.
I think you and I have a lot to talk about.
Yes, ma'am, I believe we do.
So you see, this proves that the legendary gold city of Sib-bel-a existed.
The leader of the Spanish exploring party that was destroyed by the meteorite found it and inscribed the location on a silver plaque.
Then he dispatched an Indian slave to take the plaque to Coronado.
The slave was attacked and wounded, and lost the plaque along the trail.
He died, only telling that the plaque existed.
Well, that's amazing, ma'am.
And these medallions are cut from the plaque?
That's right.
And with yours, I'll have the location to the gold city.
Seems that's going to be worth more than 10,000, isn't it?
I believe I quoted a low price.
You won't have to worry about money after this, Mr. Reagan.
I like you.
I like the way you think and the way you act.
You and I can become permanent partners.
That's why I told you all this.
Oh?
What about Brady?
He's a vicious, disgusting person.
And his only use to me has been to carry out the necessary arrangements in obtaining the medallions.
I think you'll find a way to dispose of him.
"Dispose of," ma'am?
I think you understand.
Yes, I expect I do.
Frances: 
Then it's settled?
Lone Ranger: 
Just a couple more details, Mrs. Henderson.
Frances: 
Frances.
Frances.
I'd like to advise you of my thinking along a few lines.
Please do.
Well, it's plain, with you owning the telegraph company, not much can come and go without you knowing about it.
That's true.
On top of that, you're a respected citizen here in the community.
Actually, you've got Sandorio right in the palm of your pretty little hand.
What are you trying to say, Mr. Reagan?
That I wouldn't stand much of a chance if you decided to have me killed.
Everyone would believe whatever you told them.
That's why I've got the medallion safely hidden, in a good spot.
You're not only handsome, you're clever.
And fond of living, ma'am.
Then you think I'll double cross you?
Not exactly.
But I venture to say that Ross Brady didn't think so, either.
One thing you'll have to remember.
I'm not Ross Brady.
I know.
Lone Ranger: 
There's no doubt about it.
Brady and the Henderson woman are behind these killings.
Tonto: 
Why we not take them to law?
We could.
But I want all the Hooded Raiders.
That plenty guns for us to fight, Kemo Sabe.
I know.
I'm going to ride to Denton.
Telegraph for help from the marshal's office.
Message not get through if sent from Sandorio.
Not with Frances Henderson controlling the wires.
Even the Padre's messages for help weren't sent.
Tonto: 
You not be back from Denton until late tomorrow.
You want me to wait here for you?
No, I'll meet you at the mission, say about three o'clock.
Meantime, Tonto, you better ride into town.
Keep your eye on Brady and the Henderson woman.
If they make a move, follow them.
Patient: 
Thanks very much, Doctor.
James: 
I'll see you next Thursday, Mr. Garleen, if it's all right with you.
Mr. Garleen: 
It certainly is.
Good day.
Hello, Paviva.
Padre.
How's the child?
Well enough apparently.
But we thought there'd be no harm in having you look him over.
He's leaving the mission, you know.
No.
No, I didn't know.
Padre has found him a home, where he will have both mother and father.
Paviva, I...
Shall we go in, Doctor?
Or do you treat your Indian patients in the street?
(men chuckling)
Ross: 
Hey, Doc.
Sheriff: 
Well, them redskin patients are startin' in mighty early.
Padre: 
Your attempt at humor is uncalled for,
Mr. Matthison.
No offense meant, Padre.
You know how I feel about the doc.
Why, he saved my missus' life last fall,
I'll never forget that, no sir.
It's just I don't see why he wastes so much time on them redskins, that's all.
Is it a waste of time to save a human life if the skin is red?
Well now, you said it.
I didn't.
Or does the skin have to be like yours?
Padre: 
Paviva.
You'd better make her shut up, Padre.
I'm liable to go forgetting she's female.
Oscar, please.
"Oscar, please"!
Why do you not get down on your knees and thank the fat one?
Why, look, you...
You not touch her.
Why... (fist thudding) (Oscar groaning)
You have the tongue and the courage of the coyote.
You speak much but you say nothing!
(screaming)
(gunshot booming)
Oscar: 
Doc.
It don't look good, having a redskin talk like that.
What would you do if I said the same thing, Oscar?
Oscar: 
Well, that's different.
Is it?
Would it be so different?
Why, because you think I'm like you?
Oscar: 
Why, sure, Doc, I...
I want to tell you something.
I want to tell you all something.
I'm an Indian.
The blood of Tomache, chief of the tribe, runs through my veins.
I'm his grandson.
All these years I've masqueraded because I thought it was important.
I thought it would make a difference.
After what I've just witnessed, I know now I was wrong.
Paviva tried to make me understand.
I wouldn't listen.
Now, before all of you,
I'd like to beg her forgiveness.
I'll no longer have to hide this from the sight of anyone.
It's been the only thing I've kept to remind me of my heritage.
Now I will continue to wear it proudly.
Padre: 
Oh doctor!
James: 
Quickly, let's get him inside.
Reagan's a phony, the doctor has the medallion.
Dr. Rolfe?
Yes, he's an Indian.
He just admitted in front of the whole town.
Come on.
Oscar: 
Sure is a surprise, huh folks?
Imagine the doc being a redskin.
Well, it's no sense in standing out here in the street.
How 'bout some drinks?
On me.
How about it, Fred?
Bill?
It ain't often old Oscar'll spring for free drinks.
You'll be all right with a little rest.
Padre, could you stay with him?
Certainly, James, but where are you going?
My people are meeting this afternoon at the Lake of Fire for the ceremony.
I want to take Paviva and the child with me.
I want to see my grandfather, speak to him before he hears from the others.
Padre: 
Surely, my son, I understand.
And I'll remain with Tonto until you return.
Perhaps Tomache will forgive me, too, Paviva, as you have.
Paviva: 
I am sure he will, James.
James: 
And maybe Paviva will not have to give up the child, Padre.
I think I know of a couple who want him very, very much.
Of course, there are a few legal technicalities.
The marriage ceremony is my favorite service.
With all modesty,
I might admit that I do an admirable job of it.
Doctor!
Lie down, Tonto.
Padre Esteban.
Now you're weak, my friend, you mustn't try to talk.
Where Doc?
He and the baby and Paviva have driven towards the lake to see their people.
No no, now you mustn't try to get up.
Tonto: 
Doctor in great danger.
Hooded Raiders try to kill him.
Try to kill the doctor?
But why?
No time to talk, Padre, must find doctor.
But you can't ride.
You're in great pain.
Pain better than to have doctor be killed.
Padre, you have horse and buggy?
Yes, but uh...
You ride on road Fort Denton.
Masked man on way from junction.
You tell him, doctor wears last medallion.
Tell him Tonto ride toward lake.
"Last medallion"?
I don't understand.
No try to understand, Padre, just do.
Padre: 
Come on.
Doctor, you take my horse, go to lake right fast.
You in much danger.
James: 
But Tonto...
No time to talk.
Me take Paviva and baby to the village.
Hooded outlaws trying to kill you.
James: 
To kill me? 
But why?
For the medallion you wear.
Them kill you to get it.
Paviva: 
Look!
Village not far.
We reach there and get help.
Hah!
(whooping and yelling)
What is it, Padre?
Padre: 
I don't quite know.
Tonto told me tell you that the doctor has the last medallion.
He's ridden to the lake to intercept the doctor and Paviva.
The doctor has it.
Yes, Dr. Rolfe is the grandson of Tomache.
Tonto said you would understand the danger.
Yes, Padre, I do.
There's no one here to help.
All of have gone to Lake of Fire, for celebration.
We can't risk a run for it out in the open.
Tonto: 
Doctor, take Paviva and baby in there.
Go, Scout, go, go!
Me try to make outlaw think you at other place in village.
No, Doctor, not worry about me, go inside, hurry.
Hyah!
(gunshots booming)
Tonto: 
Hyah, hyah, hyah!
Ya!
Hyah, hyah, hyah, hyah!
(gunshots booming)
Ya!
Ya, ya, ya!
(clattering)
Spread out.
We'll take this place apart till we find them.
He didn't make it.
They're closing in on him.
Oh, if I only had a gun.
(gunshot booming)
Paviva: 
My poor little baby.
James: 
Our baby, Paviva.
No harm will come to him, I promise.
(baby crying)
Be quiet, Paviva, don't make a sound.
(Paviva screaming)
(arrow whistling through air)
(dramatic music)
(gunshot booming)
(gunshot booming)
(gunshot booming)
(baby crying)
James: 
They've stopped shooting.
I can't see a thing.
Ross: 
The medallion, Doc.
Make it fast.
Come on!
(baby crying)
Kid goes with me.
To make sure I get out of here.
No, no please!
Ross: 
Give him to me.
Hey!
Give him here.
(baby crying)
(gunshot booming)
(Silver whinnying)
(baby cooing)
The baby is safe.
Are you two all right?
Yes.
But he got the medallion.
Doctor, Tonto is over there.
He'll need your help.
Better take this.
Frances!
Frances: 
Ross!
Help me.
Frances: 
Sure, Ross.
What happened?
The masked man, he shot me.
Frances!
You've got to help me.
Frances: 
Yes, Ross, certainly, I'll help you.
Ross: 
Fran!
Oh, you!
(slap resounding) (Frances screaming)
(Ross yelling)
He came here and he tried to kill me.
I had to do it.
Lone Ranger: 
You had to do it so the city of gold would be yours alone.
What?
You know what I'm talking about, Mrs. Henderson.
You've told your last lie.
(medallions clinking)
See, ma'am, these medallions will tell the whole story.
Federal marshals are on the way to Sandorio right now.
Why, you, you must be...
That's right.
You told Brett Reagan all the law needs to put you in prison the rest of your life.
(Native Americans whooping) (drum beating)
The good spirit smiles upon us, Chief Tomache.
The cloud of evil has been lifted, Redbird.
The masked man has brought justice to our land again, and my grandson has been returned to me.
Although my bones and flesh are old, my heart is young once more.
Look there!
Even boy child feel the happiness of this day.
(baby cooing)
Do you think it's possible they will find the city of gold, Tomache?
Could such a dream be true?
Many of Tomache's dreams have come true this day, Redbird.
Perhaps yet another will come to pass.
We can only wait.
The Spanish words in the drawings indicate this to be the spot, Doctor.
But a city of gold, here?
It's only rock like the rest of these hills.
Kemo Sabe!
Behind this rock!
An opening.
(suspenseful music)
Paviva: 
Perhaps the city of gold is still only a legend.
Tonto: 
Kemo Sabe, over there, another tunnel.
Paviva: 
The golden city!
It's fantastic!
An underground cavern!
Why, it must have been here thousands of years.
It's like a dream.
Lone Ranger: 
Those stalactites and stalagmites are pure gold.
James: 
And it's on Indian land.
All this belonged to our people.
The mission hospital, James!
All your dreams and hopes for the Indian!
This will be the answer.
Lake of Fire.
The mystery is now revealed.
Paviva, they're gone.
("William Tell Overture" by Rossini)
Tomache, look!
Our people have a new and shining hope, Paviva.
A new life stands before us.
None of this would be possible, were it not for Tonto and the Lone Ranger.
Lone Ranger: 
Hi yo, Silver!
Away!

Hey, Joselito!
What do you want?
Bring me that, don't forget! 
Bye!
OK!
At four, jump like San Andrés!
At four, meow!
At four, meow!
At five, skip and jump! 
At five, skip and jump!
At five, skip and jump!
Wait a minute.
~ What are you doing here?
~ Can't I watch?
No, you can't watch, beat it.
~ I don't want to.
~ I told you to beat it.
Drunk, drunk, drunk!
Don't beat me!
Drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk!
Cowards, don't run off!
Cowards!
Mom! 
Mom!
Here I am, son, I'm coming down.
~ I'm right here ~ Hello, son.
~ Jesús, look how filthy you are!
~ Like every Saturday.
But didn't you used to wash yourself?
Well, I do sometimes --- this week, at least twice.
Go on, beat it.
Don't wash me right now, right?
Oh no? 
That comes first. 
I already have hot water ready for polishing those ears.
But ears don't show at all, they ride on the sides.
Oh, how much you need me by your side!
~ Look.
~ What's that?
Canelo. 
I did it with the knife.
Such an imagination! 
Nobody'd say it was Canelo.
It looks more like a wolf, right? 
I almost broke it. 
I clobbered a kid...
Why, what did they do to you?
They called me a drunk, and there were ten of them to one of me.
Why would they call me a drunk and ridicule me? 
I just don't get it.
Kids' stuff. 
There's lots of worthless brats in this town, ignore them.
They're cowards. 
I ran them off with stones.
~ Don't do that again.
~ Then they better not insult me.
Go on, go on.
Here, my monthly salary.
Tomorrow's a holiday, the boss told me, in case your parents need it.
Of course we need it, else you wouldn't be working as a shepherd boy for other folks. 
Go on.
Oh, how hot it is!
Dirty, more than dirty! 
Oh, how dirty!
Don't scrub so much.
What a pig you are! 
With the towel it'll scrape you even better. 
Go on!
That's skin, that's skin.
All right.
You're more scared of water than a cat.
~ It's the cuckoo.
~ Yes.
Bah! 
Bah, I got here late! 
If instead of being 8 o'clock it were 12 o'clock I wouldn't be late, but at 12 you always have me in bed...
You have to get up early, son.
Hey, tell me that thing about Grandfather.
But I've told you a hundred times!
Tell it once again, stories about grandfather are always very funny to me.
As soon as you get to bed, come on, go upstairs.
Wait, that hurts...!
~ You know that they've fixed the gramophone?
~ Yeah?
Yeah, the blacksmith welded the spring, it's upstairs.
~ What, is it already in working order?
~ How well he fixed it!
Don't go breaking it again.
Such junk! 
If Uncle Eusébio gave it to us, I can see why.
What? 
It's quite nice!
I wish I could take it with me up to the corral.
The poor sheep, you wouldn't pay any attention to them!
Maybe with some music they'll pay more attention to me.
But those records are crap!
Sure, with the wear you give them...!
Manuela. 
Manuela!
Look!
Where is that boy?
He's upstairs. 
You could have come home later, after nightfall.
I want to see him.
No, leave off, Sebastián, and keep it down, he'll hear you!
I want to see him!
Why should he see you like that? 
He doesn't know you have a bad reputation around town.
He doesn't know but he could find out, they already insult him because of you. 
Go off!
~ Come on.
~ What do you want?
It's the end of the month. 
Where did you hide the money?
~ He didn't get paid yet.
~ Liar!
Wait!
Where did you stash the money?
~ He didn't bring it yet.
~ Where did you hide it?
~ Let go of my clothes or I won't give it to you!
~ Hand it over!
~ Leave off, let me go!
~ Mother, come on up! 
I've got it working! 
Mother!
~ I'm coming, son.
Go away.
Wow!
¤ ...
And who do I sing for, like this?
¤ Beautiful scented rose, rose of passion,... ¤ beautiful rose desired by my heart.
¤ In a Spanish village, you beautiful sunlit thing, I saw you,... ¤ but having to leave you I felt sad.
¤ I have a great sorrow because I lost you.
¤ Rose of fire who I'll never forget,... ¤ beautiful scented rose, how lovely it was.
¤ One day I learned with great sorrow... ¤ that my beautiful flower had died of love.
¤ Filled with pain, I saw the rose... ¤ and with great regret and sadness, I said:... ¤ "Beautiful faded rose, rose of passion,... ¤ "poor, poor flower of my heart."
¤ In a Spanish village, you beautiful sunlit thing, I saw you,... ¤ and seeing your eyes devoid of light, I felt blind myself... ¤ and to your lips, formerly red, I tied a flower.
¤ Rose of fire who I'll never forget,... ¤ beautiful scented rose, how lovely you were. ¤
~ What do you think?
~ You sing very well.
No, I was talking about the record-player. 
It taught me.
It works pretty well but the records are grooved out.
You know who has lots? 
The priest. 
You have to ask him.
He's angry with us because you won't sing at the church.
Fine, now you'll have dinner.
I put extra bread underneath, and you have cod, sausage, and bacon.
~ And chocolate, don't I have any?
~ I put some of that, too, raw chocolate, very tasty!
~ Why don't I eat it now?
~ Not now, here's the cod.
Maybe you think chocolate and cod'll clash inside my guts... ~ I won't be able to see my father again today?
~ Not hardly.
~ He's always working.
~ Always. 
Come on, eat up. 
Go on, eat!
¤ With glare, with glare,... ¤ the mountains glisten.
¤ I wish I was a goldfinch, oh, of a thousand colors!
¤ Of a thousand colors, oh!
¤ Oh, oh, of a thousand colors!
¤ Why did the night go and the next day come?
¤ Why must the moon fade when the sun rises?
¤ If I was a bright star, I'd tell them to bring us luck, both of them altogether.
¤ How good it would be with the sun and moon together!
¤ There wouldn't be nights, and I wouldn't be scared.
¤ And my sheep, guarded by Canelo... ¤ they'd see there's no darkness anymore, and no wolves howling into the night sky.
¤ With its glare the sun announces a new day.
¤ I wish I was a goldfinch!
¤ With glare, with glare,... ¤ the mountains glisten.
¤ I wish I was a goldfinch,... ¤ of a thousand colors, a thousand colors! 
¤
Hey!
Oh, Uncle Pedro, hi!
~ I dropped off the flock!
~ Thanks, I see!
Canelo! 
Come on, Canelo!
Canelo, come here!
Here, I brought you some chocolate. 
Such a good friend you have!
Take some more, all they gave me except the bit I've eaten. 
I also brought some sausage.
Let's go see Crispín.
Crispín!
Let's go, Canelo.
Crispín! 
Where are you? 
Quit hiding!
What, do you think I'm messing around? 
Answer me.
Come here, my birds!
Are you scared? 
I'm going to eat you as if you were bite-sized snacks!
I'm uncle grebe, for better references, the one from sausage town.
I eat the sheep as well as I claw down their shepherd.
And I'm going to eat you as if you were fried whiting!
Come here, my birds, come here!
What a rotten intent you have!
No more Don Filipón.
~ What do you think?
~ What's that for?
I made it for you, so the falcons don't come eat your lamb.
~ What lamb?
~ The one I keep here for you. 
It was born and I brought it by last night. 
You'll see how nice it is.
You said she was born last night?
Here, look how a noble is born!
~ Wow! 
Is it really mine?
~ Of course!
~ Oh my, how beautiful it is!
~ It was late, those born in July are scrawny.
That's the last of the lambing. 
I'll name it "Primrose". 
You like that?
~ Yes, and you can baptize it in the chapel.
~ You're dreaming if you think I'll go in there!
~ Why?
~ Because it's very scary.
Numbnuts, there's nothing in there!
So why did the pigeons leave? 
I saw them, I thought they were going to pray.
~ There, praying!
~ You know how to pray?
~ Sure.
~ Teach me, Crispín.
~ Fine, I know one or two ways, but there are lots more.
~ Show me one.
~ For baptizing a lamb?
~ Let's see if you think I am stupid! 
Come on, come on, man.
~ Holy Mary mother of God...
~ I already know that one myself. 
Hey, what's the litany?
The litany...that's something pretty easy, no more than saying "Pray for us". 
So, have you got that?
~ Yeah.
~ Well, give it to me.
~ Here.
~ You want one?
~ No.
~ Go on, doofus, so you'll look like a man!
~ I don't like it.
Fine, your loss.
Hey! 
Why not sing something to her, since you're always singing?
Good!
Of course I'll sing for you, I warn you.
¤ The morning brought it, if I'm not mistaken,... ¤ and this is a jewel of my flock,... ¤ before getting big, so little... ¤ I want to give you the name of Primrose, of Primrose.
¤ This new lamb was born for me, for me,... ¤ she said " mother, mother", with her bleating, bleating,... ¤ with her bleating, "mother", oh,...
¤ this new lamb was born for me, for me,... ¤ Primrose, pretty as a star,... ¤ let nobody, nobody learn how much I love you,... ¤ how much I love you, my dear dear lamb.
¤ Let nobody, nobody learn that I love you, that I love you. ¤
Very good, how well you do that! 
You could make a living singing.
~ Hey, what does this taste like?
~ Tobacco --- such a brat!
~ Well, is it like chocolate?
~ Better.
~ Let me try.
~ Yucko, you, how could you do this to a friend?
!
~ Doesn't it taste like tobacco?
It tastes like conifer. 
When I'm older, I won't smoke.
For me, always more often, it's so the girls will look at me.
I'm going. 
Bye, Joselito, we're fleecing today.
And thanks for the lamb.
It's nothing, man. 
Take care so she doesn't get constipated.
We can't baptize you, because that's reserved for children,... but let's pray to the Virgin to protect you from falcons,... even if it takes getting frightened in that chapel.
~ I'll be right back, Uncle Pedro!
~ Good!
Let's go, Primrose, don't be scared.
So it wasn't a lie, there're no altars or anything.
Then who will we pray to?
Suppose I made a saint?
That would be great, right, Primrose? 
Let's go!
~ Joselito, look, I found a nest!
~ What's that?
A hawk, this one won't cause more problems. 
What a beast! 
You want it?
So he could bite me?
It won't bite! 
I use to grab a lot of them, then at the town hall they give me ten pesetas, for tobacco.
Well, take it, before its parents come back and gobble up the lamb.
~ I know that. 
I already told you.
~ Take it, take it.
~ Don't worry. 
What are you up to?
~ A saint.
~ A saint? 
What for?
~ For the chapel.
~ What's that, the nose? 
It's a huge beak.
~ Yeah, I'll trim it. 
You'll see.
~ You see how nice it came out?
~ Now it resembles the sacristan! 
That's it, what a saint!
If you laugh I'll give you a saintly hit.
It will take ages for that thing to resemble something.
Good, I'm going, I've got my sheep in the crib, God forbid that they bounce in Uncle Ventura's wheat field. 
Bye!
Beast!
~ Look, you have to coat it with paint.
~ I'm not sure.
Uncle Félix can paint it. 
He once painted a cupboard for my mother.
But this isn't a cupboard.
If he paints one thing, he can paint another.
~ What do you think? 
You like it?
~ How beautiful. 
Let me see.
I've fixed it. 
His hands were like spoonbills and the two eyes were at different heights.
Now he looks like a saint. 
This, what is it?
A palm leaf. 
All the saints hold palm leaves.
Well, some of them hold a dog, like St. Roque, or a pig, like St. Antón, but the others hold a palm.
Why?
Oh, who knows!
? 
Hey, what is unclear is whether it's a male or female saint. 
What do you say?
I'll ask the priest.
If I paint it a beard...
Give it to me so I can paint it!
No, no beard, I'll take it like this! 
Goodbye, Mr. Félix, thank you very much.
Goodbye! 
What about paying, huh?
~ Do you like sheep's milk?
~ Of course.
So every Saturday I'll bring down a pitcher.
I like it. 
He's better off without the beard, right, Canelo?
But it needs something to make it higher.
We'll take care of that.
...as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. 
Amen.
Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the time...
Aunt Rosa!
Oh, my boy, you scared me.
~ What are you doing here?
~ Praying to Saint Bárbara.
~ Why Santa Bárbara?
~ Because it's her chapel.
~ Oh.
~ But she doesn't have a castle.
~ No?
~ No. 
Santa Bárbara always has a castle.
~ I'll make one.
Yeah? 
But make it real big or I won't be able to see it with my bad eyes.
If Mr. Félix was to paint a beard, I wonder how we'd managed to make it a she-saint.
~ Hey, you're always here around, right?
~ Yes, yes, Mrs. Rosa.
See if you can help me clean this up. 
Oh, what a difference from when I was a chapel guardian! 
What are you doing?
I'm making a base so it'll go up higher. 
I'll put it there.
Yeah, yeah, go on, let's go, let's go!
What are you doing?
What the hell are you doing?
!
Can't you see? 
I'm going to sleep.
~ There?
~ Of course, this is cool.
~ In the church?
This isn't a church. 
I've spent many a night in these ruins.
~ Now there's a saint.
~ That?
~ I made it.
~ It's easy to guess that.
~ But won't you leave?
~ You can see I won't.
Well, leave the candles. 
Do you think I didn't see that?
~ Are they yours?
~ Hers.
~ Whose?
~ My saint's.
~ Bah!
~ I told you to leave.
Well, boy, are you going to let me sleep or not?
No, sir. 
I'll chuck a rock at you so you know what's good for you.
I won't let you sleep. 
I'll be singing all afternoon, so you won't sleep a wink.
~ But would you go off?
~ Naps are taken under trees! 
Oh!
You will see what's good for you.
¤ Chundara tachundara chunda, chundara, tachundara chún.
¤ Get out of here, I'm going to give it to you, and you understood that I'll hit you.
¤ Chundara tachundara chunda, chundara, tachundara chún.
¤ Old chubby! 
You might be very stubborn, but nobody beats me in being annoying and persistent.
¤ Lairón! 
If you want to catch me...
Lairón! 
You'll have to run.
¤ Don't think you'll sleep soundly, I won't allow you,... ¤ because I didn't put the saint for you to come snore at her.
¤ You're inside a chapel and in a state of great sin,... ¤ the demons are going to send you to the Devil's boilers.
¤ From head to hell you go!
¤ Chundara tachundara chunda, chundara, tachundara chún.
¤ Get out of here, I'm going to give it to you, and you understood that I'll hit you.
¤ Chundara tachundara chunda, chundara, tachundara chún.
¤ Old chubby! 
You might be very stubborn, but nobody beats me in being annoying and persistent.
¤ Lairón! 
If you want to catch me...
Lairón! 
You'll have to run.
~ Don't be afraid. 
Listen!
~ No!
~ I won't hurt you!
~ No!
~ Boy!
~ No, don't hit me! 
It was a joke.
~ It's nothing to do with hitting you.
~ Do you know what you have in your throat?
~ No, sir.
~ A fortune, a fortune!
~ The doctor said it's tonsils.
Come on, come. 
Sit down. 
Come, sit down.
Oh!
~ You're a shepherd boy?
~ Yeah.
Don't you want to be rich? 
Why not? 
Rich! 
You know what that is?
Yes, sir, I know one in my town: he's "Uncle Serious".
~ Wouldn't you swap places with him?
~ No, sir, he has rheumatism!
But he surely has a great car to drive in...
A boring guy.
Bah! 
Look, if you want you can come with me, and in a short time... ~ What are you?
~ I'm blind.
Well, properly blind, no.
I'm an artist. 
I travel towns begging for charity and I have my clientele.
I give them emotions, give them the opportunity to do good, to do some charity, and I amuse them with my guitar.
You and I would make an ideal couple: charity and art. 
Mystic Arts!
Come on, come along with me. 
I always go to fairs. 
You know what a fair is?
My town's festival.
Bah, that's nothing! 
If you come with me you'll learn!
No, no, sir, I can't.
Bah! 
Then, don't you want to be rich?
No, sir, then I'll get rheumatism and...
You're being downright silly. 
It's your loss.
Look, tomorrow I'm going to Moral del Río, and on the 26th to the fair at Monajibe,...
That's so big, the biggest in the world!
You'd laugh at the carnival of Venice, the exhibition in Barcelona, and the League of Nations. 
Don't yawn!
Like the fair at Monajibe, there's nothing like it!
There are charlatans there, target shooting shops, and one year there was a fat lady!
You, sure, you don't understand all that, but... ~ Joselito!
~ Your name's Joselito?
~ Yeah, you?
~ I'm Pepino. 
They're looking for you.
He's the shepherd boy who gathers his flock in the reeds.
Fine, too bad that you don't want to be a millionaire, boy.
You don't know what I'm...
I mean...what you're missing out on. 
So long.
Bye.
~ Hi.
~ Hi.
~ Who's that?
~ A weirdo.
~ Where's he going?
~ To sleep in the chapel.
José, you've got to do me a favor. 
I've got six sick sheep.
And you want my saint to cure them?
If she doesn't cure them, I want you to go to town and bring me a box of medicine.
But...today's not Saturday.
Between now and Saturday they'll all have died off. 
Bounce on down there and straight back.
~ Why don't you go?
~ Because I have to take care of them.
You can be back before nightfall, I'll take care of the livestock.
Well, I'll go, but look: 
I brought them here to pass the hours of heat.
What do you think? 
It's a very good site, and now it's going to be my pen.
What are they going to eat, stones? 
They need the grass you have down there! 
Go on, move.
But take care of my saint, since that guy's around... ~ Sure, I'll take care of her, man. 
You know which medicine?
~ Yeah.
Give me the key!
I have no longer anything to give you, you've been selling it and we're trapped!
Give me the key to the chest, I told you!
Kill me, if you want, but I'm not giving you the key.
I keep the only things left of my parents inside it.
You've left me with nothing. 
In addition to being a drunk, you're a thief who sells things without even telling me.
~ I'll splinter the dresser!
~ No, no!
Leave me alone, I'll hurt you, through hell or high water!
If you come in here I'll tell all the neighbors and the whole village!
~ They'll learn once and for all how you treat me!
~ Let me by.
If you'd rather, I'll sell the clock.
~ No, not that, it's the only thing our son loves, don't take it.
~ I need money, I have a debt!
~ No, no!
~ It's either your jewelry or that, hand it over, give it to me.
Joselito!
Son!
Joselito, son!
Come here, Joselito!
Joselito, come here!
Come here, Joselito!
Hey!
~ What's going on?
~ I'm going with you.
~ What?
~ I'm going with you, but it has to be right now.
~ You changed your mind?
~ Hurry up.
~ Hey, you don't have parents?
~ No, sir.
You don't have any? 
Well you've got me, then, what the hell!
I don't know how to be a father, but I'll give it a shot.
You'll see that we'll be OK.
~ Hurry up, man.
~ Wait, wait.
Where the hell is that? 
Here it is.
~ Why kiss it?
~ For good shade.
~ Shade?
~ Good luck.
Oh, now it's clear.
It brings luck, this morning I found it, and you showed up.
~ Good, good, I'll wait for you outside, hurry up, all right?
~ OK.
~ Listen, here comes the other shepherd boy. 
Don't say I'm here, right? 
If he sees me he won't let me come with you.
~ Don't worry.
Joselito!
Joselito!
Have you seen the boy?
~ What boy?
~ The one who was here with you a while ago.
Ah! 
He's somewhere around.
Tell him I'm taking the medicine and leaving the lamb.
Let's hurry in case he comes back.
What are you doing?
I asked her...offered her two candles if you came with me.
You'll see how soon we decent people pay back our debts!
I'm leaving, there you have those there, so you take care of them.
I'll come back, and if the thing about the horseshoe is true, I'll bring money to my mother, so my father won't be angry and hit her.
And for you, to rig up a good altar for you.
Let's go, Primrose.
Hey, man.
~ Canelo! 
Canelo!
~ Who's Canelo?
~ My dog.
~ Bah! 
The hell with dogs.
I want him to come along.
Why? 
To always live off of others?
The sheep can come, because it's for eating, but the dog...
Oh, brave nuisance! 
One more mouth.
OK, he stays.
That is, let him stay to look after the livestock, which is his obligation.
But the lamb can come with us, the poor thing eats nothing but grass.
But we're not going to kill it, right?
~ Never?
~ Never.
So why do you want it along? 
Or does it know some tricks?
Yes, Primrose is always behind me.
Oh, that's not enough! 
If it were a goat, it could help us with puppets, but as it is...
Well, I think you'll convince yourself that roasted with lots of potatoes it should be tasty.
Come on, let's go, let's go, we have a lot of walking to do before the night overcomes us.
~ No, not that way, they could see us.
~ This way.
You see, Mr. Mayor, Pedro and I have looked all over this side, but found nothing.
I think we ought to spread ourselves out in the shape of a wing.
You go that way to the corral on the hill... and these ones ought to go through the ravine, and up the big ridge.
We have to hurry, besides, I don't think he'll have gone all that far.
You, Juan, walk down the hill, he might have fallen down there.
Joselito!
You shouldn't have come.
Oh, Father! 
Where is my son?
We have to alert the police in all the villages in the region. 
There's no time to lose.
Maybe that guy who Crispín said...
Sure, he had such a weird look wearing that beard...!
Where could he be?
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. 
Amen.
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou...
It isn't consecrated.
For me it's as if it were. 
My son made it, Don Fabián.
I know, woman. 
We'll open the shrine again and bless it when Joselito shows up.
~ Really?
~ I promise it.
Come on, let's go.
How well you play, Pepino!
Bah! 
For me, there's no secret to switching from a hymn to flamenco. 
You know flamenco?
Yeah, I like it a lot.
It has lots of fans. 
To sing it, just moan like this:... ¤ How sad, oh, oh, oh dear me, oh! 
¤
And put your hand like this, as if cutting cheese. 
Now you'll see, listen.
¤ Two doves were kissing, two turtledoves in an almond tree, and kissing... ¤ they were kissing. 
I was watching them... ¤ watching them and they made me smile. ¤
Yes, I know I don't do it too well, but I warn you that I've traveled half Andalusia... there's where we could earn the big bucks.
~ On my record player there's a song like these.
~ Oh, you've got a record player?
~ Yes, it's good, with a horn and everything.
~ Sure.
~ I'll sing it for you.
~ Go ahead.
~ ¤ Two doves were kissing,... ¤ ~ Yes, like that, the cheese, the cheese!
~ ¤ two turtle doves in an almond tree, and a kiss... ¤ ~ The cheese, the cheese, like that, the cheese!
¤ they were kissing. 
I was watching them... ¤
¤ Two doves were kissing,... ¤ two turtledoves in an almond tree, and a kiss... ¤ and they were kissing. 
I was watching them... ¤ I was watching them and they made me smile... ¤ because I was thinking about when,... ¤ about when you loved me. ¤ ~ The cheese, Joselito, the cheese! 
Don't forget the cheese!
¤ Until I get to Seville, I surely have to get there, oh!
¤ Until I get to Seville.
¤ And when I get to that place, oh, one of the wonders of the world... ¤ send greeting from Huelva.
¤ A place for watching the moon! 
Tall pine forest, total fire!
¤ A rose in the wild, a place for watching the moon!
¤ How can you find yourself without me,... ¤ if I can't find myself without you... ¤ ever since I met you?
¤ Get close to me, oh, my pigeon,... ¤ since I can't live without you.
¤ I can't live without you anymore,... ¤ oh, my pigeon, you're going to kill me!
¤ Get out of the sun or you'll burn, get yourself out of the sun, else your face will get a tan. ¤
~ Alms, for charity.
~ Alms!
~ Thank you.
~ Thank you.
Alms, come on, you have to help the poor blind man regain his sight.
~ Alms, please, more!
~ Thank you, may God reward you.
Let's go, more spirit! 
Come on, give more!
Boy!
You sing very well. 
I heard you and I liked it a lot. 
Here's 50 pesetas for you.
But just for you, right? 
Your dad doesn't get any of this.
It's so you can buy a toy. 
Do you have any toys?
No, ma'am.
Well, if you come around to the house this evening, I'll give you one.
And a suit, which would look fine on you.
I'll give you a big ball and a bicycle.
Do you know how to ride a bike?
No, but I'll learn. 
Do you happen to have a son?
Sure! 
And with a mustache.
Fine, until this evening, right? 
Give me a kiss.
Where do you live, ma'am?
Around the corner, in a large mansion.
Everyone knows me, ask for Doña Remédios. 
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Look closely, Joselito, because I, with this handicap...
She said we're invited to dinner, didn't she?
No, she said we should go to her place.
Well, it's the same. 
This is going well!
If we keep this up we'll become millionaires.
But you have to save your talent, son, so forget about it.
To sing when the bags are empty, that's not the way to do it.
That's it.
~ Hey, is anyone coming?
~ No.
~ Are those old women play cards watching?
~ No.
Well, check it out!
Wow, so much money!
Not counting the 50 pesetas. 
Where are the fifty pesetas?
~ Here.
~ Hand it over.
~ No, no, it's mine, I'm not giving it to you!
~ Come here, hand them over.
The lady said it was just for me.
But you and I are a partnership, aren't we? 
Give.
The lady said none of it was to go to my father.
Agreed, we'll respect her wishes, but I'm not your father.
Even if she didn't want that, that 50 pesetas is going to my father.
Thanks, son.
~ This is so he won't sell the cuckoo.
~ Who is the cuckoo?
A clock that my father wanted to sell to get money.
~ And when was this?
~ The other day.
~ So you really do have parents?
~ Yes.
~ Why did you say you didn't?
~ To go with you.
But do you know what that means?
What do I do now? 
They'll think I've kidnapped you.
A fine mess you've just put me in!
~ Does your dad know you came along with me?
~ No.
Mother of my soul! 
He who shares a bed with kids... ~ If you want, I'll go away.
~ Yes, go! 
Beat it, go away! 
Scram!
You'll be my ruination! 
Get lost!
Joselito! 
Joselito! 
Wait!
Don't go yet. 
If you go now we'll never see each other again.
Maybe nothing will happen, OK?
We'll write to your dad.
Fine, we'll write later on.
Are you comfortable with Pepino? 
Well, Pepino's also happy with you.
Pepino never had anything, but now that he has you, he thinks he has it all.
So when you were walking away, it looked like...someone kidnapping you.
And now I'm the thief!
They're going to call me a child stealer!
But you'll see, you'll see how well things go.
Come on, let's go.
Hey, Pepino, is it possible to trade in your father?
Eh? 
What did you say, boy?
All right...or to have two of them?
I'd like it if you were my dad, too.
Bah! 
You have enough trouble just coping with one.
~ No, mine doesn't love me.
~ He hits you?
Worse, he pounds my mother and gets drunk.
I don't pound anybody, despite my elephantine physique.
You, what you need is love, and I think I need it, too.
I never had that but it should be a great thing.
A great thing, it should be.
Yeah! 
I'll be like a spare father, and when I call you son, it'll be like I believe it.
You see? 
I already believe it myself!
Here, the money they said was for you, not for your father.
You look like a beast but you're good. 
I don't want it.
Business is business and dignity is dignity. 
This money is yours.
OK.
If you want you can buy me a cigar. 
It's a long time since I had a good cigar!
You wouldn't rather have some chocolate?
Maybe later, first the cigar.
With a cigar stuck in your mouth, how can you go begging?
You're right, there's always problems.
Oh, you can smoke it when you're out of sight.
If they can't see me, why would I want a cigar?
That's true.
Look, another one, another one!
Joselito, where are you going?
One more horseshoe.
Leave it, we have ours already.
Take it, it'll give us more luck.
~ Thanks, son.
~ You're not going to kiss it?
Here.
Come on, let's go.
~ You've got it, let's go!
~ You see how quickly I learned?
I see, yeah, if it weren't for me...!
This bike is very good, it even has three wheels.
Have you ever seen bikes with three wheels?
~ Yeah. 
You like it?
~ Of course I like it.
How nice of the lady, she gave us such a lot of things! 
How lucky we are!
Soon you'll see Monajibe, Monajibe is a town of great lords.
Such a fair! 
With running of bulls and eve fest!
We'll allow ourselves the luxury of sleeping in a boarding house.
No more bridges, that's enough of them.
But come here, man, come here! 
You're going to fall!
Why don't I wear the suit that woman gave me?
~ And with me like this? 
We'll clash.
~ I'm wearing it, I said.
Hell no. 
With you like a gentleman and me all scruffy, people would stare at us and you'd be embarrassed over me.
Well, give me the whistle.
OK, that's better. 
Here.
Huh! 
What's this?
That? 
It's a posh collar, for seamen.
Bah! 
That's a rich kid's suit.
But bring it here, don't rush, this is to wear this way!
When we get some money, you'll buy one yourself, so I can wear this beautiful suit.
No way, these rags are my uniform, they're my prop.
People don't look into our hearts and just take pity on our façades.
How short-sighted people are!
So if you're always going to be dressed that way, you won't let me dress up, either?
Fine, put it on and leave me in peace. 
What a burden!
~ What's going on?
~ It's the Running of the Bulls.
~ I want to see it, let's go down.
~ Wait, you can see it from here.
~ No, no, I can't see it well from here.
~ Come here!
Take this, because I'm going to see him closer.
Joselito, where are you going? 
Come here, Primrose. 
Come here, Joselito!
Aha, there you are, scamp!
You, go on, get out of here, sometimes they escape.
~ He got into a hallway.
~ Let's go!
~ Come, come on, I told you, let's mind our own business, my head is about to burst.
~ Wait.
Let's get out of there, come on, come on!
Come, girls, come on, boys, here you can ride Mr. Antón's horses!
For fat or thin, for tall or short.
What's happening at the fair this year, gentlemen?
Monajibe has always been the town where we all left happy,... but I see that this year we'll get nothing for the horses, nor for the carousel.
Look, look at the horses, Pepino, how they run!
I've never been on one. 
Give me the money to ride them.
No, not now, later on.
Look, you'll be singing here, in that bar.
But there's nobody there!
They'll hear you, it's better than in all the rowdiness.
Check it out. 
Besides, when they hear that voice of yours, they'll pack into the place.
You sing, but don't forget to pass the hat.
Go on, stand up there.
Come, hurry up, step up, go on!
Let's come to Mr. Antón's horses, they're a great attraction at the fair!
Mount the horse, such running, such flying!
It'll go without whip or spur!
Columbus rode a boat, but the great Napoleon traveled on a horse!
Come here, whoever has money can ride a car,... but on a horse, only a knight!
Step right up! 
Step right up!
No way. 
Damned bull! 
Such gross people!
He caught one!
Bah! 
It's us who he hits, and less bad if it does not escape like last year,... and he just missed me by a whisker!
You? 
Good!
Because I happened to leap up on Doña Engracia's balcony, otherwise...!
Go on for them, Joselito!
Oh...oh...oh...hey....hey....hey...!
That's it, you got it, great, great!
¤ Hovering over a destroyed nest was a yellow-breasted sparrow,... ¤ with his wings almost bleeding he was looking for his mate.
¤ When he gets tired he stops singing and he even looks like crying. ¤
~ Hey, Lola, listen to how this kid sings.
~ ¤ Then goes away, singing, only God knows he's crying.
¤ Oh, sparrow! 
Bird with the yellow breast!
¤ Just by seeing you, I'm crying because God knows --- He has to be watching ---... ¤ that I'm bleeding just like you. ¤
What a competition has come! 
It's just what we needed!
Oh...oh....oh...hey....hey....hey...!
¤ Hovering over a destroyed nest was a yellow-breasted sparrow,... ¤ with his wings almost bleeding he was looking for his mate.
¤ Oh, sparrow! 
Bird with the yellow breast!
¤ Just by seeing you I'm crying because God knows --- He has to be watching ---... ¤ that I'm bleeding just like you. ¤
Very good!
Come with me.
~ Didn't you hear?
~ Are you a policeman?
~ Come on, let's go.
~ I assure you I've done nothing wrong.
Move, move!
~ Joselito, come here!
~ What is it?
This gentleman wants to put us in jail.
Jail, why? 
Pepino hasn't done anything wrong.
Shut up about jails! 
I want to take you to my house. 
You'll sing there, if you don't mind.
~ Yes, sir.
~ If that's the case, wherever you want. 
You've turned my heart upside down!
~ Thanks.
~ Go on.
The rich guy of the town is taking him and everyone else follows him. 
We're wrecked!
~ What do you think of the prison?
~ What a slammer!
~ You owe me what you promised, you have to sing.
~ Yes, sir.
~ Do you know any other songs?
~ Yes, yes.
Let's see whether some musician of the string ensemble manages to play with you.
That means that I... ~ No, man, go ahead, but beware of the dog.
~ Ah! 
There's a dog, too?
Go on in.
¤ Hovering over a destroyed nest was a yellow-breasted sparrow,... ¤ with his wings almost bleeding he was looking for his mate.
¤ Oh, sparrow! 
Bird with the yellow breast!
¤ Just by seeing you I'm crying because God knows --- He has to be watching ---... ¤ that I'm bleeding just like you. ¤
Bravo, bravo, very good!
~ Very good, come here!
~ You liked it?
A lot. 
Out of curiosity, where did you learn to sing like that?
~ Well, you see, that's how things are. 
Shall I sing another?
~ That's enough for today.
~ What's your name?
~ Joselito.
~ Would you like something?
~ No, thanks anyway.
~ Here.
~ No, no, I don't sing for money.
I'm not paying you, it's just applause, that's all.
~ Good, but another song, OK?
~ As you wish.
"Loneliness", Joselito, sing "Loneliness".
~ Where are you going?
~ One minute, I'll be right back.
Let him go, now this musician will play along with you, he plays very well.
Here it is.
~ Wait.
~ It's whiskey? 
Let's have the whiskey!
~ Here. 
I'll give one with ice.
~ Hand it over.
~ Wow!
~ Oh! 
What is it?
~ This drink is taken slowly.
~ Since I don't really like it much...
I'll have another glass!
Drink, drink.
¤ Ay, ay! 
¤
What a son you have!
My son's the best in the world!
¤ Jesus, what a heartache, Jesus, what a heartache! 
¤
For you, Joselito. 
For you, Pepino.
¤ Jesus, what a heartache, Jesus, what a heartache! 
¤
This is the life!
Sugar, oh my! 
How good it is!
¤ ...and he who abandons you, my father can judge me. ¤
Friend Johnny, friend Johnny, don't get empty!
¤ What a heartache, that of a good mother!
¤ What a heartache, that of a good mother, how she suffered for me, and how I remember her!
¤ How much she suffered for me, and how much I remember her! 
¤
Viva Monajibe!
And viva my son!
What do you think of my Joselito?
I've taught him, me, I'm a respectable guy.
I said this kid's a goldmine, and no mistake!
Here, we don't deserve it.
~ But son, it's not your fault.
~ No, no, I don't want it.
Why are you serious, sir? 
Laugh, laugh! 
And take off your glasses!
Pepino!
Let's go, Pepino.
~ Hey, my boy!
~ Let's go.
~ Leave, when it's so comfortable here?
~ You're being ridiculous.
~ Why the long face? 
I'll never leave here!
~ Let's go.
So you were a policeman all along! 
A policeman! 
Shake'em, friend!
And you know where we're staying. 
Pepino "the blind", at your service.
Let's go.
Wow! 
When I mounted the carousel?
Joselito, what's with you?
You look like my dad just now.
That's why I left home.
I saw him that night, just like I see you now.
Please forgive me, I won't drink any more.
You'll never see me like that again.
I am a rogue, I do not mind saying. 
A rogue!
Yes, Joselito, I'm a rogue, I drank without a thought about you.
I didn't know this before, I didn't know anything about this,...
I used to beg for a few coins, then eat something, and sleep wherever I happened to be standing at night, and nothing else.
Before, when I had nothing, I didn't know that I was a rascal.
Now that I have you, I know it, and I carry that shame on my ribs.
No, don't kiss me, I don't deserve it!
I'm going to plunge. 
You won't see me in this shape anymore.
You'll see how soon I'll be over it.
Now you'll see.
~ What a bath!
~ Now you'll see.
Come scrub me.
Maybe my head will drop off and I'll leave it here.
Come on, scrub me harder!
Shove it on in!
You see? 
Now the wine's gone and it's not noticeable in the water.
Then you thought I'd drunk a lot, right?
Hey, look!
Here, you dropped this.
~ But is that ours, or the new one?
~ It's ours.
True. 
It's fallen from here! 
From here I've dropped it!
Because I'm a burro, you know, a burro!
~ Why did you throw it away?
~ Because I don't deserve the luck it brings to me.
Here, forget it, don't worry. 
Here, for the horses and the lottery.
I'll get that gentleman to pick up the guitar and ask forgiveness, don't think that this is easy.
~ Wait for me at the fair.
~ Fine.
They'll think it's impossible that I got over my drunkenness so soon.
But there are things that clear a head faster than ammonia.
You've taught me a lesson.
"RIDE: 2 PESETAS"
Here, eat something, you haven't eaten since this morning.
I'm not hungry. 
And this is just unbearable, you see, six o'clock and four cats.
But look at the lottery and the target shooting, they're crowded. 
Of course, where they can win something...!
How can we help it? 
Why did we come?
In other years, people fought to get up here.
~ Look.
~ What's with you?
Oh, what an idea! 
Look who's here!
~ Isn't that the boy who sang this morning?
~ The same. 
Oh, what an idea!
~ Hi, kiddo. 
Do you want to come up? 
There's no charge for you.
~ Pepino gave me some money.
~ Who's Pepino, your dad?
~ No, sir.
Come on up for free. 
You can have as many rides as you want.
~ As many as I want?
~ As many as you want, but you have to sing.
~ You can sing while the horses go up and down, right?
~ Yes, sir.
~ Come on, go ahead.
Come on, son, come on. 
On this white one. 
You'll see how well it goes.
And now sing, see if you can inspire these people.
¤ How I like to race a horse like this... ¤ so kids in here can see me!
¤ Horse, horse, don't stop running,...
I know how to trot and gallop, and I won't fall.
¤ How comfortable you ride, how exciting,... ¤ to ride a horse just like Napoleon!
¤ How comfortable you ride, I'm happy already,... ¤ because to me there's no greater pleasure than to ride, ride, ride!
¤ For the rich guy life is a wheel,... ~ ¤ he'll ride on top no matter what troubles he'll face. ¤ ~ Come on kids, come on. 
Step back, else the wheel may grab you, move, please.
~ Aha, man, you're the one who came with the boy!
~ Yes, sir.
A proposition that can make you rich: why not sell him to me?
~ Eh?
~ I'll buy him.
~ My son?
Well, let's turn a blind eye to this "son" thing. 
Shall we say 1,000 pesetas?
Not even a million. 
You know how much a million is? 
Not even for that, though it may be a lot. 
Who do you think you are?
Well, we'll ask him when he gets down.
~ Who?
~ The boy.
If you offer him anything, I'll kill you.
~ Look out!
~ Mind your own business, you got that?
Money, how disgusting! 
Look, I have money, even 1,000 peseta notes,... it may not be a million but it's still money.
And I'll take away the boy so you learn to not to be ungrateful.
~ Listen!
~ Break it up!
Are you crazy? 
Get down! 
Listen, friend!
I told you to let me go, let me go!
Come on, Joselito, let's get out of here.
~ This is a shameless murderer.
~ Do not take him away, you'll regret it!
Hey, buddy, let's talk quietly so this can be big business for us both.
Let's go to the corner bar. 
Excuse yourself and listen to reason,... since after all, you're getting the lion's share in this matter.
If you won't sell him, rent him to me, without a hassle, but listen to me, come along, man, come here.
~ Let go, you rascal!
~ Are you a cad who pretends to be blind! 
Phony!
Look at him, he's not blind at all, he's no more than a hypocrite! 
Where did you get that child?
~ He's my son.
~ Liar, you have no claim on him, and your best bet is to come to terms.
The boy can decide for himself.
Hey, dear, is it true you wouldn't mind staying with me?
You can ride the horses whenever you want. 
How high can you get with this guy?
He may even sell you for some profit.
Instead I'll treat you like a son. 
You'll see.
My wife will take care of you. 
She's very nice!
Come on, decide, it's your fate.
Let's go.
You know we'll meet at other fairs!
Things won't stay like this, remember that!
Since there's so much alfalfa, it seems she dedicated herself to eating.
Come on, come on, here. 
Here.
She doesn't want any more.
Joselito,... you've been very nice by not agreeing to leave with this man,... nor believing what he said about me. 
Thanks, son!
Shut up, and cheer up!
Having money doesn't sit well with me, I do lots of foolish things.
~ Here, Don Carlos gave me this for you.
~ Really?
~ Yeah.
~ But it's the amount he gave to me! 
What did he tell you?
It's all settled. 
He's a fine gentleman. 
He forced me to take the money, he gave it to us, but without any more ado,... it's not like the rascal wanted to buy you for this, for some green paper. 
Yuck!
Money can't buy or sell men!
Can you see now why I choose this sort of life?
So as to not follow the example of people who work themselves to death to bring home a few coins.
That guy wanted to buy you, but you, my son, you're beyond price.
Who are you looking for?
At least answer, friend.
This guy can't be the police, not dressed like that?
Give me all the money you carry.
Wow, what a funny guy. 
Didn't I tell you, Joselito, that this was disgusting?
Another rascal like the one with the horses.
Give me the money, I said, it's in your right pocket.
Get out, if you don't want a free clobbering.
Maybe this will convince you.
Give it to him.
Bah! 
Are you crazy?
Careful, he's the lame guy.
~ You think a knife scares me?
~ No messing around and hand over the money.
Fuck the money? 
Here's the money, rascal!
Drop it!
Joselito, get away!
What have you done to the boy? 
Criminal!
Joselito, did he hurt you?
Joselito, Joselito! 
Are you all right?
Answer me!
My God! 
What happened to you?
But you don't have a cut! 
Joselito!
~ What happened?
~ Joselito!
~ What happened?
~ Nothing, it was nothing, a blow.
I'll fetch a doctor at once.
What happened to you?
Please, do you know where I can find a doctor? 
I have a very sick child here!
~ Today, with the festival, it'll be hard.
~ It's the boy who sings?
~ Yes.
Yes, yes man, Don Manuel is at home, I passed by a while ago. 
We'll accompany you, come.
Thanks. 
He's unconscious.
~ Who's his father? 
Is it you?
~ No, sir.
~ OK, this child doesn't have parents?
~ Yes, sir.
They should be notified. 
It might be nothing, a simple shock which will pass.
Anyway, we won't know anything until 48 hours have gone by.
Where do his parents live?
I think they're in Villa Honda.
You think? 
And now that I see you, didn't you used to be blind? 
I saw you this afternoon.
Why does it matter who I am? 
Save the boy! 
Save him, whatever it takes!
That's between me and God. 
About you, you need to clarify many things.
Come on, kids, beat it. 
Where are you going? 
Here.
This is the guy. 
He was with him.
No, I haven't done anything wrong! 
I'm an honorable man, the boy came with me!
How is he?
I think it's not serious, though of course it's still too early to say.
Come with us.
~ But...
~ Come along.
I swear that...it's a misunderstanding!
I bet it's there.
~ Where's the boy?
~ Here, ma'am. 
Here.
~ Here he is.
~ Son! 
What happened?
Don't worry, the doctor says he'll recover.
Son, son! 
Talk to me!
Talk, my son, talk to me!
~ Mom.
~ I'm here.
Of course he's much better. 
This morning he couldn't see anything, nor even talk.
Who are you? 
Excuse me.
I'm from Monajibe. 
The boy was in my house yesterday.
The crook who was with him is already in prison, but he didn't seem like a bad man.
We have filed a charge of possible kidnapping.
Are you the boy's father?
No, sir, I'm the mayor of Villa Honda, his father's here.
Mom, Pepino!
Who's Pepino, son?
Pepino.
Tell me, son, who is this man? 
How is it you were with him?
Pepino's my dad. 
Pepino!
Joselito, son, your dad's right here.
Pepino is my friend.
Life teaches us, Sebastián, it even teaches us to cry.
That man couldn't have done any harm to the boy because he recalls him fondly.
~ Possibly.
~ I'm sure it's all a mistake, some misunderstanding.
I know what that mistake was: my son found in him what I always denied him.
Bah, don't upset yourself, Sebastián! 
The important thing is that the danger has passed. 
Now we can start fresh. 
Come on.
Come along, Cándido, take us to the jail. 
Let's go.
Let's see if we can convince them to release that rogue.
~ Else we'll free him ourselves, OK?
~ That's it!
You'll see us take him out, for sure.
~ Stop, stop.
~ What is it? 
Stop, Cándido.
What's up with him?
~ Where are you going, son?
~ I'll be right back.
What will he do? 
I'm going to see.
~ What are you looking for?
~ Luck.
~ What's that?
~ Pepino's luck. 
It's here.
What's that?
It's Pepino's. 
He threw it away, and after that everything went sour for him. 
Let's go.
Come on, man, let's go!
Look, over there in the cell.
¤ Two Turtledoves in an almond tree, and a kiss,... ¤ they were kissing. 
I was watching them,... ¤ and watching them, they made me smile,... ¤
~ Joselito!
~ Pepino!
~ You're all right now, right?
~ Yes, Pepino.
It's been days since I heard anything about you!
I came to get you out. 
They believed that you were bad. 
Imagine!
I told them you were the best guy in the world. 
Come on, open up.
My son!
~ What a home you have!
~ Well, yeah, come in, come in.
What do you think of my hotel?
Come on, come here, tell me: what about Primrose?
~ We turned her into some chops so you can eat them.
~ No!
It's a joke, silly, she's at home.
I brought the cane that you left behind in the inn,... but you don't have to go blind again nor will we be apart again, we'll be fine.
~ Really?
~ Yeah, look.
~ Another one?
No, this is the good luck one, the one you threw away, after which everything went wrong.
But now everything will be better than ever.
We'll stop traveling to the villages and go to the city.
You'll like that.
We'll dress well, without sticks or dark glasses.
You'll study singing, opera, see trams and cinemas.
But what's wrong with you?
I won't go to the city, Pepino. 
I'm going with my parents.
But what are you saying, boy, you'll go with your parents, those ones who are always fighting?
Yeah, look, these are my parents.
~ How are you?
~ My pleasure. 
Ma'am.
~ Hi, man.
~ Hi, Don Carlos.
Congratulations, boy, I've lost you. 
Now you have real parents, I'm not wanted here.
What do you mean? 
You'll stay with us. 
Right, Dad?
It's hard to admit, but my son loves you more than he does me.
You've set me a fine example and I'm grateful.
You see, Pepino?
OK. 
Come on, help me, help me.
This thing here will spruce this up a lot.
How happy my saint will be with so many beautiful things!
There they are.
They are coming!
~ Oh, come on, come on!
~ Look, look!
Joselito, come with me to the balcony, we can see very well from there. 
Let's go!
~ No, I'm staying here.
~ OK...!
¤ To go back home, to be able to contemplate my beloved parents,... ¤ and to see they're really happy now, they really love each other as I love both of them.
¤ How lovely to be able to see my parents,... ¤ to finally see them like this, together!
¤ I want to smile, and I almost, I almost cry. 
I've never cried out with such happiness.
¤ I'll never leave here, I'm happy here, happy as no one else.
¤ I'll never, never leave the place where I won my throne as a shepherd boy.
¤ How lovely to be able to see my parents,... ¤ to finally see them like this, together!
¤ I want to smile, and I almost, I almost cry. 
I've never cried out with such happiness.
¤ Beloved mother, my dear, life finally brought us together.
¤ You'll only have joy, he loves you like I do.
¤ I returned from traveling the world never to leave you again.
¤ Come here, come with my mother, I want to embrace you both... ¤

Good evening, friends.
Come closer!
I'm going to tell you about the greatest adventure of my life.
This is my journal.
Everything I have experienced I have confided to its pages.
But I have not told you my name.
I am Mr. Hart, Mr. Simon Hart.
And I lived at a time which gave birth to beautiful dreams of human progress!
My friends and I could think of nothing else!
Robur the Conqueror, Barbican, Captain Nemo...
Of such was the world of our youth...
My story proper begins on the waves of the Atlantic.
What an impression they made upon me!
I had booked passage on the first steamship to cross that ocean.
I watched mankind as he challenged the waves below, and the empire of the air above!
Every step brought new discoveries, new inventions.
Enraptured, I observed with glee each new triumph of science and technology!
Little did I know the role that submarine would soon play in my life!
I continued my journey overland.
The iron horse brooked no stay!
- Terrible! 
Have you seen?
People needlessly killed,
I beg you!
Thus ends all human folly!
Man was created with feet to walk upon the Earth and on earth he should stay, Sir!
Fortunately, there have always been people who are not satisfied with walking on the Earth.
They travel now just as confidently across both sea and sky.
Yes, and sky!
For man has lately mounted the empyrean, the privilege of the winged eagle!
And this is but the beginning!
Increasingly sophisticated arks of the air now cruise the celestial seas.
Flying vessels, heavier than air, are no longer a figment of the human imagination.
A century of steam and electricity has rendered the servant class obsolete!
- The Albatross.
Indeed this was the latest word in the noble field of aeronautics.
Thanks to my friend Robur "the Conqueror"
not even the king of birds can reach the heights that this machine now rules.
Finally, I was at my destination, this private sanatorium.
But who was that man?
Now, in this sanatorium my teacher, the brilliant scientist Prof. Roch, was convalescing from toiling on his latest experiments.
- Greetings, doctor!
How goes the Professor?
- Calmer today.
And how did you fare?
- I have got the papers.
All we need now is the money so he can finish - to make his great inventions in peace.
- You know, Sir, I wish the Professor every success.
I believe he will find people who will help him.
But sometimes I can't help but worry that nothing good can come from these explosive devices of his.
- I am a scientist.
My interest lie in chemical reactions, not in practical accountancy!
- That means Professor...
- ...that I have no money left for my experiments, and yet I must finish them!
- I should not care to be at sea tonight.
By morn, word had spread like wildfire of the ruthless kidnapping of Professor Roch and his assistant, Mr. Simon Hart.
Days of feverish searching ensued.
- commands in a foreign language
- By what right do they board?
- By right of arms.
Strike sail, blast you!
- We should inform the Count, His Excellency.
- foreign language
- Count d'Artigas, the ship's owner.
- foreign language
- Please, see for yourself.
- Your Excellency!
- Your Excellency!
- We may set sail...
- Your Excellency!
- We may proceed, Your Excellency.
- Wait until night and then full steam to Back Cup!
How was it possible for such a ship to progress with no sails amast?
And where did that rope lead, down into the depths of the sea?
The explanation was to hand:
Yes, the very submarine whose tragic disappearance had so excited the world's press!
And the reason the inspection of the schooner had proven fruitless.
- Allow me welcome you aboard.
What say you to the most modern vessel in the world, Professor?
I regret that my men had to use force, but it was the only way I could save your work from being abused.
- Where is my assistant?
- Unfortunately, I do not know. 
My invitation extended only to you, Professor.
You are my guest.
Let me show you my kingdom.
I rule the greatest empire in the world.
With the invention of this submarine, I became the Master of the World's Oceans.
Their riches are greater than the wealth of all the continents combined.
The sea floor is rich in natural resources.
Treasures of gold and jewels claimed over the years by the seas are there but for the taking.
All this I put at the service of science.
I believe in your discoveries, your big idea.
I will do everything in my power to ensure your work is finished.
With the riches of the ocean I have prepared an underwater city.
My factories and laboratories await you, Professor.
Your genius and my finances together will create a wonder!
Together, we will amaze the world.
- By what right are you holding me here?
- By right of arms, Sir.
Once on the high seas, with no danger of further naval patrols, the Professor was transported from the submarine to the three-master.
- Professor, Captain Spade, captain of our schooner.
Mr. Serko, your future collaborator, the man who built the factories in our underwater city, Back Cup.
- Let me show you the plans for your laboratory, Professor.
- Ship! 
Ship to port!
- It's the Amelia, one of the largest merchant ships in the South Atlantic,
becalmed at sea.
- Make the necessary arrangements, as usual.
- Professor, may I offer you some light refreshment?
Alone in the armoured brig of the submarine, my journal became the sol trustee of my thoughts and observations.
- Reverse engines!
- Halt engines!
It was readily apparent to me now what dark purposes the supposed loss of the submarine had served.
She had disappeared from the public eye, only to conceal the criminal raids of a pirate gang.
And who was her commander?
The noble Count d'Artigas!
- A short pause, but hopefully a fruitful one.
Our submarine has discovered the wreck of a merchant ship...
- That must be a rare stroke of luck, finding such a treasure ship.
- We do not leave it to chance, Professor.
- Help!
Help!
- We have a system.
- Help!
- What was that?
Did you hear that?
There!
There was certainly someone calling for help.
It must be a castaway.
Do you see anything?
- You are right. 
It is a survivor.
The lifeboat!
- Launch the lifeboat!
Action stations, blast you!
- Quickly! 
Quickly!
- Who's wandered in here?
What are you doing here, blast you!
?
Who let you in here?
- Captain, a gentleman does not enter a room thus when a lady is present!
- Do you want to blow up the ship?
Doesn't the powder keg impress you?
It's no surprise the Amelia went down with a passenger like you!
Prepare your things.
We land at dawn.
- Captain, do many ships call at your island?
You should know, I must return soon.
- You'll soon see.
- Captain, the island where we are due to land...
- Land ahoy!
Back Cup ahoy!
- Back Cup, Professor!
Another hour we will be home.
- You call a volcano home?
- The volcano is quite extinct.
The smoke you see is from my factories.
- Have you chosen a strange residence, my dear count!
- Perhaps, but only there can you realize your ingenious plans, Professor.
Our submarine passed along an undersea tunnel.
As I later learned, it was the only gateway into d'Artigas' pirate retreat.
We surfaced in a grim lagoon, shaded by towering crater walls.
Here the submarine was safe.
D'Artigas' satanic mills belched clouds of resinous fumes that floated over the caldera like the inevitable threat of eruption.
And most astonishing of all, on a rugged promontory above the waters perched his proud eagle's nest!
Thus seemed to me the residence of the Count d'Artigas,
Pirate King of the modern age.
On the opposite shore of the lagoon another kind of residence awaited me
- a poor, dilapidated shack that for long months was to be my home.
There I spun my bold plans - of escape.
There I would experience both elation and despair.
But forgive me, I run ahead of myself!
The pages of my journal with those memories were empty yet,
I was still a prisoner in the brig of the submarine.
- So, welcome home, Sir.
- You are only destroying your own home, young man.
- What have you done with the Professor?
- The Professor is being treated royally.
It will be your turn, if he disappoints...
- What results?
- We find the secret of matter.
- The secret of matter?
And then what...?
- We look forward to seeing the results of your experiments, Professor.
- I think his assistant would work faster, Your Excellency.
- The engineer? 
So, talk to him.
- What is it all for?
- It is only a test, for now.
I am trying to release the great power that holds matter together.
Many other discoveries will be needed before those forces can serve mankind
to fuel machines, give light and warmth.
But that is a technical matter what people do with it,
for the technicians to decide...
and the people.
- My new invention, a machine that will rule the air.
Together with the explosive discovered by the Professor, it will rule the world.
And you, Sir, in the interim shall apply your talents to it.
- I?
Never! 
I wish to speak with the Professor.
- I cannot allow that!
Of course you could always...
- I will not be your accomplice!
- As you wish.
We can wait!
Thus!
In my absence they converted this miserable shack into a perfectly equipped laboratory.
What temptation!
I thought of the Professor.
He would never give these bandits the secret of his discoveries?
But I had forgot how my genius-teacher was as trusting as a young child!
- We build a solid steel tower.
The main section contains a chamber.
We put a few grams of my new form of matter inside, hook it up to an electric current and...
- It will go boom!
- There will be an enormous burst of energy which we must channel and control!
We must tame this force. 
That is the whole point of the experiment.
- I regret to inform, the experiment has been a failure.
- On the contrary, Professor!
That was what I call a result!
- Well done, Professor, congratulations!
Barely had I heard the explosion, than I realized my unsuspecting professor had handed these criminals a terrible weapon!
A discovery with so many possibilities now sure to become a weapon of mass destruction!
No, this must not be!
There was not a minute to lose!
I would do everything possible to warn mankind before it was too late!
DELIVER IMMEDIATELY TO THE PROFESSOR. 
IMPORTANT!
- Professor!
Professor!
One day, I noticed the submarine returning from another murderous voyage.
At that time I had no idea that my message had reached its goal.
I had no idea that the pirates were bringing ill tidings to their commander.
It was again the most modern of technology that informed d'Artigas that his ominous secret had been uncovered.
- Our submarine, Your Excellency.
They fired at us as soon as we surfaced!
We had the luck of the Devil!
- Someone has betrayed me.
- They will come after us, Excellency.
- So much the better! 
We shall give them a wonderful reception, and put an end to this game of hide and seek!
Accelerate the production of shells and have the Supergun positioned on the coast.
- Impossible through the marine tunnel.
- Then dig a new tunnel through the rock, above the waterline, straight to the coast.
Nothing shall stop me.
- A small interval, Excellency.
As Count d'Artigas did everything possible to use the destructive power of the Professor's discoveries to carry out his diabolical crimes,
the trusting scientist still sweated under the illusion that his labors would bring a blessing on mankind.
Almost at the same time I received a merciful relief.
Mr. Serko, d'Artigas' court scientist, the creator of Back Cup, and now builder of the tunnel through which the Supergun would be brought to the shore, awaited me.
- Mr. Serko, Yet again I implore you...
- I will not let you see the Professor.
Forget about him.
Hello!
Hello there!
Yes, yes.
The fault must be repaired immediately.
Have you not sent out divers?
What? 
Not returned?
Send more!
I will hear no mention of danger!
That damaged cable must be repaired immediately!
- Mr. Serko if you give your consent,
I have worked under water and am not afraid of danger.
- Well, Sir,
I welcome your decision, if you mean it seriously.
You will descend to the bottom of the lagoon.
Follow the cable to the fault.
Two men will accompany you, to guarantee your safe return.
Of course I had little interest in the damaged cable.
I offered to help to explore the tunnel, which offered my one chance of escape.
- Look again!
Take reinforcements!
That man must be found dead or alive!
They had not seen me.
Well, it was now or never.
Yes! 
That dark tunnel was to be my coveted path to freedom.
- Nothing.
Not a trace of him.
- How much oxygen was he carrying?
- Enough for the half-hour.
That very day in a display of determined resistance the world had sent an exploratory vanguard...
- You are among friends, Sir.
THE GREAT POWERS UNITED AGAINST THE THREAT OF MASS DESTRUCTION!
- We are safe in the tunnel.
The patrols will be up in the harbour.
- Your attention a moment!
Do you see that?
- The pirates!
- Engine off! 
Full stop!
- Forgive me, I did not expect to find you here!
I am in dire need of help.
- If you could wait outside a moment, I will arm myself.
- Quite.
May I introduce myself?
My name is Mr. Hart and I am the Professor's assistant.
- A pleasure, Mr. Hart.
I delivered your letter that same day.
- What said the Professor?
- Unfortunately, I do not know.
- There was no reply?
- He never spoke about the letter.
You can come in now, Mr. Hart.
Warm yourself by the fire, I believe you are in dire need of it.
- I do not know how you came to be in this company.
They are not good people.
They are preparing to commit a terrible crime.
- Those same people of whom you speak saved my life when our ship sank.
- When they sank your vessel to rob her, you mean.
They now plan something much worse.
And only the Professor can prevent it!
- Regrettable that the count is busy.
It is a very interesting and important experiment...
- Do not bother yourself, Professor.
While you were sitting here, we've found a better way to make use of your new energy.
- Sorry, but as you can see, I have failed to help you.
- We must find him at all costs!
- Tomorrow we can expect an open attack by the fleet.
But we are ready, Your Excellency.
Let them come even now!
All the world's warships as one!
Let them attack!
We shall trump them all!
With your permission, Your Excellency,
I shall outline the order of battle.
- Do.
- The plan is simple and guarantees us victory.
Our Supergun controls the only possible approaches to the island.
The entire encounter will take but a matter of seconds.
Shells filled with the Professor's new explosive will destroy every fleet before we are in range of their guns.
They will not even be within sight of us, we shall ascertain their positions long before.
We shall fly an observation balloon from the crater, and receive advance reports.
The balloon crew will be specially equipped for the job.
Kindly observe, Your Excellency.
how perfectly the crew is kitted out.
These men were chosen for their experience and special training.
They will be linked to us via the most modern telephone using an extra-fine cable.
They will go directly to their battle stations.
They will carry a supply of food and water.
Once the fleet is sunk, they will guard our island against any further attempt at attack.
Now, I ask you, Your Excellency...
- The ships are approaching, we must warn them immediately!
If you are brave enough, I know how we can do it.
- What about the Professor?
- He cannot help us now.
We must act quickly.
- They're coming!
- Professor, you've come to observe!
- Prepare the cannon!
- My dear Count!
- Professor!
We found a use for your discovery!
- Shoot them down!
- Shoot them down!

THE DEADLY INVENTION
Good evening, friends.
Books...
They tell of great adventure.
...as does my diary.
I will share its pages with you.
However, first I should introduce myself.
My name is Simon Hart.
In my time, humanity believed in progress.
Always dreaming up new inventions.
My contemporaries were Robur, Barbicane, and Capt. Nemo...
It was many years ago.
...when my adventure began in Atlanta.
I booked passage on the Savannah.
The first steam ship to cross the Atlantic.
Mankind mastered the sea and tamed the land... and was now set to challenge the kingdom of the clouds.
Ah, what an age in which to be living.
Each day brought new and ever more glorious triumphs.
Little did I know then, that the submarine ...was about to become a big part of my life!
My journey continued over land.
On a steal juggernaut which devoured every obstacle in its path.
We live in terrible times.
Lives are needlessly wasted!
Read this.
It's a sad end to the sub and her crew.
Man has legs and should stick to walking on land.
Fortunately there are men who aspire to more.
Man's boldness leads to the sea and into the sky.
Yes, the sky.
Man wants to climb to the height of the clouds.
And he won't stop there!
Someday aircraft may cross the ocean blue.
For a plane that weighs less than air is no longer mere fantasy.
Steam and electricity have discarded the past.
The Albatross!
It is a work of art.
Built by my friend Robur the Conqueror.
His aircraft rises to heights never before imagined.
At last I arrived at my destination.
But who was this man?
In this sanatorium resides my teacher.
The brilliant scholar Professor Roch.
Good day. 
How is the Professor?
Today he is quiet. 
And how are you?
Fine. 
I brought all my notes but was unable to secure funds ...needed to complete his brilliant invention.
I wish success for the Professor.
And hope that he will find people to assist him.
Though sometimes I worry that his invention may ultimately prove harmful.
I'm just a man of science.
Only interested in the field of chemical reactions.
I've no talent for bookkeeping.
Professor, does that mean...
Yes, I have no money to continue.
But I must finish my work.
I would not want to be on the high seas tonight.
The next day, the world was horrified to learn of the abduction of the Professor and his assistant.
Days were spent feverishly searching for a mysterious sailboat.
Inspections were ordered for all suspicious vessels.
Prepare to go aboard.
Yes, sir!
- Do they have the right to come aboard?
- Might makes right.
Raise the sails!
We must warn the Count.
Presenting Count Artigas, owner of the yacht.
Proceed with your inspection.
Bravo, your Excellence!
Now we can continue.
Excellent!
Yes... we can continue, Excellence.
Wait till nightfall.
Then, full steam ahead.
How was the vessel moving with folded sails?
What was on the other end of that rope?
Here is the explanation.
Yes, the submarine disappeared.
It was useless to inspect the yacht.
Hello and welcome.
What do you think of this most modern ship?
I must apologize for the way in which you were brought here.
...but it was necessary to prevent interference from those who would steal your invention.
Where is my assistant?
I have no idea.
I only know that I invited you.
And you are my guest.
Allow me to show you my kingdom.
I am master of the largest empire in the world.
Thanks to this submarine, I am the owner of the ocean.
Its riches surpass the combined wealth ...of all the nations on earth.
I have an endless supply of the most precious natural treasures.
Gold and jewels hidden in old chests, that the sea swallowed over time.
All I have to do is reach out and take them.
And all of my wealth I offer to the service of science.
I have faith in your invention, and your great ideas.
And I will do everything necessary to help you finish your work.
With the help of the treasures of the ocean
I have built a city underwater.
My factories and laboratories are waiting for you.
Your genius, Professor, coupled with the means that I possess can create formidable works, and amaze the world!
What law gives you the right to keep me prisoner?
The law of the strongest, sir.
Alone on the high seas, without fear of witnesses...
The Professor was allowed to move from the sub to the ship.
Professor meet Captain Spade, captain of our ship.
And engineer Serko, your future collaborator.
He is the man who has built factories ...back at the underwater city.
Allow me to show you, Professor, ...plans for our laboratory.
Captain to port!
It is the Amelia.
One of the largest trade ships out of Atlanta.
He hoped the wind.
Take the necessary arrangements, as usual.
Professor may I interest you in a small snack?
This submarine is a prison... and my diary is my only friend.
Full reverse!
Full stop!
It was now clear that the purported sinking of the submarine was a dark ploy by a band of pirates.
And their leader was...
The noble Count Artigas.
A small delay will be very beneficial.
Our submarine has discovered the hull of a trading ship.
Must be a rare and happy coincidence to discover a ship which contains treasure!
We only came upon it by chance, Professor.
Help!
We have some special sampling to perform.
Help!
What is that? 
Did you hear it?
Someone is out there calling for help.
Sounded like a woman.
Do you see something?
You're right. 
It is a woman.
The lifeboat!
Lower a boat to the sea! 
Quick!
Quick, quick!
Who the hell is this?
What the hell are you doing here?
Who said to come here?
Captain, shouldn't you knock?
Before entering a room with a lady?
Do you want to blow up the ship?
Does this powder keg not concern you?
I am not surprised that the Amelia wrecked.
Knowing that it carried passengers such as you.
Get your things together.
We'll make port by morning.
Captain, do many ships stop at your island?
I wish to continue on my way as soon as possible.
You'll find out.
Captain, what is the name of the island?
Back-Cup!
Back-Cup!
"Back-Cup" island, Professor!
Another hour and we will be home.
Do you call "home" to a volcano?
The volcano is extinct.
The smoke you see is from the chimneys of my factories.
You've chosen a very curious place to reside.
Perhaps. 
But... here you can finally realize your brilliant idea, Professor.
The submarine entered a tunnel under the sea.
Later I would learn it was the only entrance to the fortress of Artigas and his pirates.
We surfaced in a bleak lagoon surrounded by the high crater walls.
This was the harbor of Back-Cup.
The hellish factories threw forth a black smoke which hovered up and out of the volcano, like a warning of forthcoming doom.
Above the cold waters, high upon the peak of a cliff, lie the nests of eagles along with the Castle of Count Artigas.
The last of the buccaneers.
Across the lagoon, was another residence.
Though a little different. 
It was a herder's shack in ruins.
Which would become my home for many months.
This is where I would struggle with... hope and despair.
But pardon me, first things first.
I'm jumping ahead in our story.
I was still a prisoner in the sub when...
Well, we're home, Mr. engineer.
Are you going to demolish your new home so soon?
What have you done with the Professor?
The Professor is being treated like a king.
No need to worry until the Count decides his usefulness is over.
Any luck?
I'm still trying to uncover the secret of matter.
The secret of matter? 
And then what?
We look forward to your success.
I think his assistant works faster, Excellence.
The engineer? 
Try speaking with him.
Does this tube serve a purpose?
For now, it is the only test... for heavy water.
Ultimately it will lead to a great discovery ...for all of mankind.
The ability to move machines with light and heat.
It is a technical challenge...
We must learn to handle it with wisdom.
This is my latest invention.
A machine that will dominate the air.
Along with the explosive invented by the Professor
We will rule the world.
We would welcome your assistance in his experiments.
Me? 
Never!
I want to talk to the Professor.
I cannot allow it.
However, if you want...
I do not want to become your accomplice.
As you wish.
We can wait.
During my absence, the cottage was transformed in a perfectly equipped laboratory.
What a temptation!
I wondered about the Professor.
Had he disclosed his secrets?
For he could be as naive as a child.
Build a powerful steel tower.
The main part is a lens.
Here you'll place a few grams of matter that I discovered.
Then connect an electric current...
And there will be an explosion!
A huge force will be unleashed.
However, we will take proper precautions to release the energy into productive channels.
Sorry.
This experiment has fallen short of success.
On the contrary, Professor, on the contrary.
This is the result for which I have been waiting.
Perfect sir, I congratulate you.
As soon as I heard the explosion,
I knew for certain that the Professor had placed a deadly invention into the hands of a band of criminals.
The invention that was to have meant great progress, had became a destructive weapon.
Never should something like this happen!
I didn't have a minute to lose!
I had to do everything possible to warn mankind of this danger.
Professor!
Professor!
One day I saw the sub return.
Still not knowing if my message had reached its destination.
The Pirates received bad news from another source.
The most modern technical apparatus ... informed Artigas that his secret was out.
Our submarine, your Excellence.
They fired at us each time we surfaced.
But our luck held out.
Someone has betrayed me.
They are preparing to attack us, your excellence.
Very well. 
We will prepare a wonderful reception for them!
...and put an end to this hide and seek.
How soon can the new canon be ready?
...and taken down the river?
It is too large to fit through the submarine tunnel.
Then prepare to drill a new tunnel through the rock.
Nothing must stop us.
A small breakdown, your excellence.
While Count Artigas made every effort... to carry out his horrible crimes, the Professor still expected to bless humanity with the fruits of his experiments.
Around that time, I was brought to another meeting.
I meet with Mr. Serkan, the engineer who worked for Artigas.
He was designing a new tunnel by which to carry the deadly canyon.
Mr. Serkan, I ask you once again...
You cannot see the Professor.
You might as well forget about it.
Hello...
That underwater cable must be repaired immediately!
Why have you not sent the divers?
What? 
They didn't return.
Then send other divers!
Don't tell me about the danger!
That cable must be repaired immediately.
Mr. Serkan, if you'll allow me,
I have worked under water and do not fear danger.
Very well sir, I accept your offer.
As long as your intentions are sincere.
You will descend to the bottom of the lagoon.
Following the cable to the point of breakage.
Two men will accompany you.
To ensure that you return.
The cable didn't mattered to me!
I wanted to examine the tunnel.
It offered a chance of escape...
Search again! 
With reinforcements.
That engineer must be found dead or alive.
They had yet to see me.
It was now or never!
That dark tunnel was my chance for freedom!
We didn't find anything.
There isn't a trace of him.
How much oxygen did he have?
Half an hour.
That same day, armies of the world decided to offer immediate resistance, and sent their troops.
You are among friends, sir.
"United against pirates"
The tunnel will be safe.
The patrols will be in port.
Now, carefully.
Do you see that?
Pirates...
Shutdown! 
Stop the engine!
Excuse me, I didn't know anyone was in here.
I need your help.
Wait outside a moment, so I can dress.
Please hurry.
Allow me to introduce myself. 
My name is Hart.
I am the assistant of Professor Roch.
Pleased to meet you, Mr. Hart.
It was I who handed him your letter.
And what did the Professor say?
Unfortunately, I do not know.
Didn't he give you a message for me?
He never spoke about your letter.
You can enter now, Mr. Hart.
Come and get warm. 
I think you need it.
Why do you assist these bandits?
They are dishonest and commit horrible crimes.
The people of which you speak, saved me when our vessel sank.
They sank your vessel so they could rob it.
And now are preparing something worse.
Only the Professor can prevent it.
I'm sorry that the Count does not have time to see this.
It's an interesting experiment and very important.
Don't worry about the Count, Professor.
While you're working here, he is also busy... building upon the power that you discovered.
Sorry, Mr. Hart. 
As you see, the Professor is not here.
We must find him at any price.
...and so your Excellence, preparations for combat must get underway per your command.
The giant cannon and ammunition are positioned on the coast.
According to the latest news, an allied fleet is heading towards Back-Cup.
Last night, our ship... destroyed an enemy submarine scout, which reached the lagoon through the tunnel.
Since then, we have searched that wreck, ...with some interesting results.
The booty was not important, but we have collected important information.
Tomorrow we can expect an attack by the entire fleet.
We must prepare immediately, your Excellence.
For the forthcoming battle.
Even if all the ships in the world try to attack us at once!
The victory can be ours!
If you will allow me, your Excellence,
I will show you my strategic plan.
Look here!
It is a simple plan that guarantees us victory.
Our giant cannon dominates the only path of entry to the island.
The battle will end quickly...
If the bombs filled with the Professor's explosive, destroy each enemy ship before they can fire a shot.
We can fire before they have time to see us, ...if we know their positions well in advance.
We must post an observation balloon on the crater ...to relay the information in time.
A team is equipping a balloon made of special material.
Here they are, your Excellence!
These men are perfectly equipped.
They were selected due to their experience ...and special training.
A modern telephone line is being constructed with an extra line, to ensure contact with us.
Their role is not limited only to sinking the enemy fleet, but also to protecting our island against any other attempted attack.
Ships are approaching.
We must warn them of the danger.
If you have courage, I know how we can do it.
And the Professor?
He cannot help us. 
We must act quickly.
Here they come!
Have you come to observe, Professor?
Prepare the cannon!
Count!
Professor, your ideas are about to transform into results.
Stop them!
Stop them!

( noirish jazz theme playing )
( suspenseful theme playing )
Well, like they say, here's mud in your eye.
It's good whiskey, Anderson.
Thanks for the bottle.
How about it, Crowley?
Couldn't I let you know tomorrow?
Tomorrow's too late.
I'm a three-time loser.
You gotta understand my position.
They get me this time, it's life.
You're right, Pop.
You said he wasn't the man for us.
Let's get out of here.
No, wait.
How much would it pay?
Five hundred for your end.
( gulps )
Would-
- Would you go 700?
Okay, got yourself a deal, Crowley.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Half now and half when you finish the job.
Frank, you can trust me.
Yeah.
But I can't trust this.
( liquid gurgling )
You've played the scene before, Crowley.
From now until tomorrow afternoon at 3:00, you're gonna stay sober.
And here's the floor plan.
The Hargrove Finance Company on South Burlington.
Hargrove Finance?
You know their motto:
"See us when you need money."
Well, that's just what Pop and I had in mind.
( mysterious theme playing )
( rattling )
Well, they were supposed to fix it last week.
You can hardly hear yourself think, much less--
( gasps )
All right, everybody, let's get with it.
If you cooperate, nobody gets hurt.
Which one is Hays?
All right, Hays, you know the combination to the safe.
Open it.
Give it a whirl, Pop.
( alarm ringing )
Who was it?
Got it.
Okay, Crowley, let's go.
( door slams ) ( screams )
( sobbing )
( suspenseful theme playing )
( upbeat theme playing )
You, uh, have a visitor waiting to see you.
I think it's a client.
Well, didn't you--?
Blond or brunette?
Brunette.
All right, send her in.
Him.
Fourteen years old.
What?
You know:
Fourteen.
If it's to be framed, do it over again.
It's very good, of course.
The face is like mine, but the body's quite different...
In what way?
It's not that simple.
I can't explain it very well.
Then perhaps if I could see your naked body...
I don't mind but...
At your place then.
It's private here.
What a lovely room!
Such a nice double bed!
Marriage must be wonderful.
Yours will be far better than this.
Isn't this your marital bed?
Won't your husband scold you?
What does it matter?
You're special.
The marital bed is sacred, so they say.
So is a virgin's body.
So it's quite fitting.
Hurry and show me.
Someone might see.
Close the windows.
I'll borrow a sheet.
Am I different from your picture?
What an exquisite body you have.
You're so beautiful.
Why have you hid yourself until now?
It's too much!
It's too much!
What's happened to you?
When I see something beautiful, I become so excited I cry.
Satisfied?
I'll get dressed.
No, I want to see more!
Silly! 
There's no point in keeping this up.
Yes, there is!
You're not completely nude.
Take it off!
I wish you wouldn't...
I wish you'd stop it.
I thought you were my friend!
Forget it.
We're no longer friends!
Have you taken leave of your senses?
I've never met anyone so cold!
You promised not to hide anything!
Why do you hide yourself?
You're a liar!
I hate you...
Your body's so beautiful!
I could kill you for it.
Then kill me.
Kill me!
I want to be slain by you.
It's not fair!
You saw my body but you won't show me yours.
It's not that...
Yours is so beautiful, I'm ashamed of mine.
Please don't be disgusted with it.
You're just as beautiful as I am.
Don't say anything you don't mean.
I feel so small.
Please read these letters we wrote to each other at that time.
Patter patter, patter patter.
It is raining this fair night.
Patter patter, patter patter.
What doth it whisper?
It whispers, Mitsuko Mitsu, Mitsu, Mitsu...
Without realizing it, I had written "Mitsuko," over and over again.
From my thumb to my little finger.
Forgive me for doing something so silly.
Dearest, I'm always moody on Sundays.
Why?
Because I can't see you all day.
I telephoned but you'd gone out with your husband.
It's cruel!
It's too much!
I'm crying.
I feel so lonely.
It makes me bitter!
But I won't say any more!
You're mean!
It finally transpired. 
What I'd been expecting finally happened.
Our stormy marital spat would've surprised you, if you'd seen it.
Please forgive me for my use of "marital".
Kiyo, bring the tea upstairs.
Kiyo says you and Mitsuko are very intimate.
What does that mean?
I like Mitsuko very much.
We're friends.
I know that.
But in what way?
It's just a feeling, that's all.
There are many kinds of friendship.
I'd prefer you didn't discuss my friends!
You find your own friends and leave me alone!
If it's an ordinary friendship, I don't mind.
You rarely go to school now.
And you write those odd letters.
In a normal friendship, you wouldn't shut yourself up.
What a strange thing to say.
It just shows you have a vulgar mind!
Vulgar?
Then is your conscience clear?
Yes! 
Love between women is like the love of a work of art.
If that's abnormal, what are you?
Then why be so secretive?
Why shut me out?
And don't lie.
You're not painting.
What are you up to?
Visit a studio.
Watch an artist at work.
He doesn't work every minute.
He must be in the mood to do good work.
And it isn't only her face.
Her body's so beautiful, I want to hold her!
I could gaze at her for hours on end.
And she doesn't mind you looking at her naked for hours?
Of course not.
I'm a woman, she doesn't feel shy.
Being admired isn't unpleasant.
Even between women, being naked in broad daylight is not natural.
Hasn't a nude woman ever struck you as being lovely?
It's like a marvelous landscape, I'm spellbound.
I feel happy. 
Life becomes so worth living, it makes me cry.
If you've no feeling for beauty, I can't explain it.
That's irrelevant.
It's totally abnormal!
You're old-fashioned!
She can't be a nice girl.
I'm sure she's not.
What did you say?
What right have you to say that about the one I love?
She's too pure for a human being.
She's a goddess.
Insult her at your own risk!
See what I mean?
No one in their right mind would say such things.
What a fossil you are!
And when did you turn into a slut?
Yes, I'm a slut.
You knew that, so why did you marry me?
You married me for my money!
Isn't that right?
I dare you to say that again!
I'll say it any number of times!
You married me for my money.
You may have brains but you're a deceitful coward!
Do you hate me that much?
If you ever lay a hand on me, I'll tell Father!
If you're prepared for that, go on, hit me and kill me!
I want you to kill me!
Kill me, I said!
Kill me!
You fool!
It's obvious. 
You and I are totally incompatible!
I've never enjoyed our married life!
You're too willful, that's why!
I try hard, but you don't!
That's not true! 
You lack passion.
You've no romance!
The next day, we silently glared at each other all day long.
But that night...
I know I may appear to be moody and cold, but inside I'm not like that at all.
I'll be a better husband.
So try to respect my wishes, too.
Say you won't see Mitsuko any more.
No!
If you must see her, then not here, in our bedroom.
No!
I'm asking you!
Listen to me.
I've no wish to be bound!
I want to be totally free.
I want to become stronger.
So strong that I won't be afraid of God, my parents or my husband.
Don't you hate me after all your husband said?
Silly! 
We've had it out, so I'm not afraid.
I'll never give you up.
I'll throw him out if he complains!
It's my home.
But won't your love for him bring you to hate me?
Couples are like that.
We're no couple!
If we must, we'll run away!
Do you really mean that?
I'm prepared for the worst.
So am I.
If I asked you to, would you die with me?
I would!
I'd die for you.
I've no child, you're all that I live for.
Why no children?
I have a medicine that does it without an abortion.
I'd like some, too.
A friend of mine doesn't want to have a baby.
It's expensive, but I'll give you some.
I'm so glad!
I prefer women to like me much more than men.
It's natural for men to think a woman pretty.
But I attract women to me...
Dear Mitsuko, let us be friends all our lives.
I could die here right now, like this.
And so we became ever more drawn to each other.
My husband appeared to have given up.
Taking advantage of this, I became even bolder.
Mitsuko? 
Whatever do you want at this hour? 
It's after two.
You're all alone and lonesome?
You can't sleep?
You called just to say that?
You are an impossible child!
Come over in the morning and we'll play.
My husband?
I'll get rid of him early.
You promise?
Yes, I promise.
I promise.
I lost my head and became a slave to my feelings.
So what happened came as a complete surprise.
I never dreamed such a thing would happen.
Hello. 
Mitsuko?
What happened?
Your clothes were stolen?
Where? 
Whatever were you doing?
I was taking a bath.
I'm at the Izutsuya Inn.
They were stolen while I was taking a bath.
Why are you at an inn?
I had my reasons for coming, but now I'm in serious trouble.
Please help me out and send over some clothes. 
Quickly.
Look, I'm awfully sorry to ask, but send some of your husband's clothes, too. 
I need a man's suit.
A man's clothes? 
Why?
Who's there with you?
Yes, a suit.
No, you don't know him.
I'm sorry to ask so many favors, but...
Could you also bring some cash, about 30,000 yen?
I'd be ever so grateful.
Please!
I beg you to help me!
Oum, my maid, will arrive soon. 
She'll escort you here.
Please!
My heart began to pound, and my knees were shaking.
I lied to my husband, wrapped up the clothes, and took a cab with Oum.
Who is this man that she's with?
You're with her every day.
You know.
When did it start?
It's not the first time?
Don't hide anything.
It's been a quite a while.
Since last April.
How many times?
Too many to count.
Who is the man?
I'm not really sure.
I had no idea.
I did my best for Mitsuko!
How could she talk about her lover, the bath...?
How could she make such a fool of me!
That's true, but she can hardly go home without any clothes.
I would! 
I certainly wouldn't phone her! 
It's shameful!
At a time like this, what else could she do?
- Divine punishment!
- That's right. 
It certainly is.
She said she'd never shown her body to anyone else.
I'd like to see them both stark naked!
This is it.
You wait outside.
Izutsuya Inn
Excuse me.
Your guest has arrived.
Madame, please.
Excuse me.
You're Mrs. Kakiuchi?
Yes.
I don't know how to apologize about this!
Mitsuko really should make her apologies.
But she's too ashamed to see you.
And besides, she has no clothes.
Excuse me for not introducing myself.
I'm Eijiro Watanuki, Mitsuko's fiancé.
The clothes are here.
A man's suit too.
Thank you.
We really appreciate it.
I'm going home.
Give her this. 
It's the money.
Please wait!
She'll be right out.
Mitsuko feels very deeply toward you.
We fell in love last year and got engaged.
But she insisted I accept your relationship.
She says she must have us both, and that she'll never give you up.
If I refuse to allow it, then she won't marry me.
I understand you're angry about what happened here.
But please don't scold her.
Will you promise not to?
Please understand her feelings.
Very well.
You agree?
Thank you very much!
We'll never forget your kindness!
What a relief.
Mitsuko, come out.
Inside, I was absolutely furious!
I wanted to jump on her and tear those clothes to shreds!
And I might have, if Watanuki hadn't been there.
The more I thought about it, the angrier I became.
They'd made such a fool of me!
How could I get revenge?
I vowed I'd somehow get back at her.
I was so upset, I drank some wine.
A little too much.
When did you get back?
I'm so mad!
Yes! 
I really am!
What is it?
What's wrong with you?
I'm so mad!
Then stop crying and tell me.
I'm going to forget all about her.
Promise you'll love me forever.
I decided to turn over a new leaf.
I got up early, made his breakfast, shined his shoes...
Aren't you going to art classes, today?
I'm thinking of quitting.
She'll be there and it'll be hard to concentrate.
I don't want to go out.
Be mine forever. 
So nothing can ever come between us!
You go from one extreme to the other.
You don't love me enough.
I need more love.
Except for that one night,
I could never completely forget Mitsuko.
But...
A clerk from the Nakanoshima Hospital in Osaka wishes to see you.
Hospital? 
That's strange.
Whatever can he want?
Mrs. Kakiuchi?
There's no mistake?
Excuse this sudden intrusion.
You apparently gave Miss Tokumitsu some medicine...
Yes, I did.
She gave it to her friend, a Mrs. Nakagawa.
She suffered severe complications.
What happened?
The hospital cannot take responsibility.
You must discuss this with her.
At first I thought it was some sort of ruse by Mitsuko.
But since it involved drugs, I agreed to see her.
She arrived within 30 minutes.
My sister, are you still angry with me?
Miss Tokumitsu, that's not what we're here to discuss.
But I'm totally unable to talk unless you forgive me, sister dear.
I wish you'd stop with that dearest-elder-sister business!
If that's how my dear sister acts, I'll be far too upset to talk.
Frankly, the thing at the hospital...
It isn't about Mrs. Nakagawa at all.
Well then, who is it?
It's me.
I'm three months pregnant.
I took that medicine but it didn't do any good.
I'm having bloody discharges.
I could scarcely believe it.
Pregnant by that Watanuki and she comes to me to save her.
It's the cramps again.
Sister, get me to the bathroom.
Honestly, Sister, it really hurts!
What's the matter?
So painful, Sister!
Kiyo, come here!
Hold on!
Hurry, the bathroom!
It hurts, Sister!
- Sister, it's so painful.
- What's happened?
Mitsuko!
I'm going to die.
I want you...
to help me!
Don't be silly.
You're not going to die.
You'll forgive me, won't you?
Shall I call a doctor?
No, don't. 
You'd only get into more trouble.
Let me die like this.
You mustn't leave me.
I don't mind dying here, with you beside me.
It hurts!
I'm in pain!
Please get on my back and press down!
Here?
Like this?
Such pain. 
It's punishment for what I did to you.
If I die, could you then forgive me?
I'm in agony!
Water!
- Kiyo!
- Yes, ma'am.
The blood...
You're bleeding?
Get on my back and press down!
I began to realize that it was all an act.
I knew, yet I let her fool me.
And Mitsuko knew I was pretending not to know, but she kept up her little act, to the end.
You're not angry with me now?
The next time you do this, I'll kill you.
Is it all right for me to come here again?
I don't know if it's all right, or not.
I lied about the baby because you wouldn't see me.
That hospital man, he's one of our employees.
I know.
I knew it.
That blood, it's just a theatrical trick.
I thought as much.
Don't say any more.
If I say I'm having a baby, then your husband, won't think we're lovers.
Then we can see each other freely.
Isn't it a good idea?
And so I slid back into her trap, and we picked up where we left off.
I told my husband she was pregnant and we met often at that inn.
One day, while I was waiting for Mitsuko,
Watanuki came in.
Which of us do you think Mitsuko loves more?
I wonder.
It must be you!
That's why she's carrying my child, yet she won't marry me!
I really was born under an unlucky star!
The world's most unlucky man.
I don't believe that she is pregnant.
You don't?
I think you'll find that it's all a lie.
Why would she do that?
She told me she's definitely not.
Take my word for it.
It's true.
She's over three months.
Perhaps she's lying to you.
Afraid to lose you.
She looks so sweet, but she's really not.
She's so irresistible.
It's easy for her to fool us.
She's a terrible woman.
Let's join forces to prevent her making fools of us.
We love her differently, there's no need for jealousy.
She's too lovely for you to have alone.
Let's share her love.
Let's draw up a pledge.
Here's the pledge we made.
Read it.
As of July 18, 1964,
Sonoko Kakiuchi and Eijiro Watanuki pledge to become true kin under the following conditions:
Sonoko Kakiuchi will become
Eijiro Watanuki's elder sister.
This is because Eijiro will wed Sonoko's sister.
The sister recognizes the brother's love for Mitsuko, and vice versa.
Together, they will guard against Mitsuko's loving a third party.
The sister will help the brother to marry Mitsuko.
He will not object to the women's relationship after marriage.
If Mitsuko abandons one of the contracted parties, the other party must leave her.
Permission must be gained before either party runs off, or voluntarily dies with Mitsuko.
How does that sound?
Fine.
Good.
Please sign it.
Shall I use my seal?
This may hurt.
Just bear it.
Don't!
A brother-sister blood oath.
It won't take long.
Keep still.
Close your eyes.
Pull yourself together!
You partake of mine first.
Now, I'll drink yours.
Now, we're really brother and sister.
I'll look on you as my real sister.
Please regard me with your utmost favor.
As an enemy, I can be very nasty.
But as an ally, I'd lay down my life for you.
We mustn't tell Mitsuko about this.
It's our secret.
Then we used our blood to seal it.
I felt so afraid of Watanuki,
I didn't dare tell Mitsuko.
What's this scar?
That's strange, Eijiro has one just like it.
Are you hiding something from me?
Did you and he make a secret promise?
You must have!
You're hiding something, too, aren't you?
What am I hiding?
Something about yourself.
Your body.
He told you I'm pregnant, didn't he?
In actual fact, he's incapable of being a father!
What did you say?
When he was a young boy, he had the mumps and that rendered him impotent.
Is that true?
By the time I found out, it'd gone too far, so I continued to see him.
Then you must leave him.
He said he'd tell everything he knows.
When my marriage to a rich man came up he threatened to expose our relationship to the newspapers.
I wrote to the principal saying you and I were lovers.
You really fooled me, didn't you?
Please forgive me!
At first it was just a prank.
But you took it so seriously, and it became real.
I've more to confess about the stolen clothes.
Eijiro had the clerk hide them and made me call you.
He thought you'd get disgusted with me.
I see.
Watanuki is so vulgar and contemptible!
But I can't bear to leave him.
He's wrecked my life!
I'm so unlucky!
Please help me.
You're the only one I can count on.
Please don't ever tire of me.
Why should I?
I'm so glad you told me this.
To be honest,
Eijiro and I are eternally pledged to be brother and sister.
A pledge?
Yes, to love you.
He used you so others can't have me!
I'd rather die than marry him.
Please help me to leave him.
I hate him.
I understand, dear.
Of course I will.
I'd even die for you.
If it comes to the worst, I'll kill him!
My dearest sister...
So, the beautiful, predatory hawk that was Mitsuko, became a poor dove, pursued by an eagle.
I loved her so much, I felt sorry for her.
Mrs. Kakiuchi.
Your husband's here.
He wants to see you both.
What shall I do?
My husband?
My husband is calling on you.
What shall I do?
Is there a special reason?
Shall I say you can't see him?
No, I'll see him.
I'll pad myself to look pregnant.
Good idea.
Oharu...
Show him into the darkest room.
Please.
It has to be more prominent.
How many months am I?
I forget.
About six or seven months, isn't it?
I've long been thinking I should call on you, and I happened to be in the area.
Your wife is always so accommodating.
The baby is rather big.
Yes. 
I'm six months.
How can I engineer a break with Watanuki?
Before we found a way,
Watanuki got ahead of us.
Come upstairs.
I've something to show you.
Is this your signature, or is it a forgery?
Speak up!
Why don't you answer me?
Then I can only assume it's genuine.
Watanuki came to the office yesterday.
Mitsuko and I are not only engaged, she's also carrying my child.
Your wife's interference has torpedoed any plans of marriage.
I want you to warn her.
Supervise her more closely.
She made me sign this in order to come between us.
You admit this is your wife's signature?
It appears to be... but I will need her confirmation.
May I borrow this?
If she admits to it, what are your intentions?
She's my wife, we'll settle it ourselves.
Will you divorce her?
That's my decision to make.
You're indebted to your wife's family.
It'd be a bad mistake.
That's none of your business!
Is that so?
In that case, I cannot entrust it to you.
Sorry to have bothered you.
Husbands who spoil their wives get into trouble.
I was rude.
Can we start again?
Any number of times.
I was so absorbed in my own problems that I failed to respect yours.
Please put aside what I said earlier and understand just how distressed I am.
I'll be pleased to loan you the contract we pledged.
The thought you might divorce your wife frightens me.
That could spur her to run away with Mitsuko.
He's an odd fellow.
And you've pledged to become his sister?
Without even consulting me?
I demand an explanation.
There was no use in hiding it.
I decided to confess and see how things went.
So I told him about Watanuki's secret pledge.
And I explained the farce of Mitsuko's pregnancy, too.
I'm glad you told me.
You've been unusually frank and obedient today.
Now, tell me if you regret what you've gone and done.
I thought it best to appear meek, so I did just that.
I needn't tell you how wrong you were.
It's my fault, too, for not exercising more supervision.
It's our joint responsibility.
According to your version he started it, so he alone is to blame.
The pretense at sadness actually made me sad, and I began to cry.
Crying won't help.
I want to hear you say it.
Do you regret what you did?
Will you give up that loose girl?
I suppose my death will be apology enough!
How can I possibly face people with this hanging over me?
Let me die!
I don't blame you for wanting to leave me!
Who said I would?
Would I scold you if I meant to?
But if I abandoned Mitsuko, she'd have such a dreadful time!
She'd die!
Why would she die?
She just would!
She often threatens it!
I've told her not to!
So I'll die with her and apologize to the world!
You fool!
That's no way to apologize!
If you bind me, I'll die!
Let me die!
But I was actually preoccupied with how to keep on seeing Mitsuko.
I was trying my best to shock him.
I wanted to make him agree about Mitsuko, so I kept up the weeping.
However, just threatening to kill myself didn't work.
So to spur him to come around quickly...
Is that you, Mitsuko?
Sister dear.
My husband's at the office.
Please come over.
As soon as you can.
- Not a word to my husband.
- Yes, ma'am.
Mitsuko.
Sister.
Watanuki's tortured me constantly since then.
I must tell you.
You both tried to betray me, so I used her husband to stop it.
You're mine alone now!
Put your seal to this contract.
What is it?
Mitsuko Tokumitsu and Eijiro Watanuki are forever one.
Mitsuko must follow Eijiro, even in death.
No way!
Sign it.
Will you sign it!
Come on, please!
You're the only man who'd even consider such rubbish!
You'd only use it to threaten me.
There's no reason for you to be afraid of that.
It's not like borrowing money.
You can't make people love you!
What's your real reason?
All I want is for you to make a change.
You can't guarantee the future.
You'll regret this.
Just do as I say.
If you don't, I'll do anything to get my revenge!
I'll ruin you!
If you want me to obey you, love me!
Spiritual love is superior.
Buddha, Christ, all the great men were sexless.
I've a will of my own, too!
I won't be used by you forever.
Try to leave me and I'll kill you!
Kill me.
I decided to die long ago.
I will!
Go on, kill me.
What a persistent man!
My husband will be watching me closely.
And he'll threaten you.
Shall we run away?
Yes, we have a cottage by the sea. 
It'll be perfect.
If we take Oum, we could stay for five days.
Good idea!
I'll get Oum to phone my husband say we took drugs and are unconscious.
That we've left letters. 
It's suicide and to come right over.
That'll be interesting!
He'll rush over. 
We just act delirious for a few days, then wake up and start crying...
In the meantime, we'll have Oum beg him to save us.
How clever you are.
We'd have to take some drug?
Sleeping pills won't kill us.
We won't take much.
I wouldn't mind dying, if it was with you.
Exactly.
Neither would I.
Then let's do it right away.
You're both early.
I've prepared everything.
I'll phone him, you take the drug.
Is it the right amount?
Yes, I fixed it just right.
All right.
Let's do it.
If I die, by mistake, you'll die, too, won't you?
The same goes for you.
Did you write the letter?
Yes, I did.
Read mine.
It's addressed to your husband.
Dear Mr. Kakiuchi...
How can I apologize for taking your wife with me?
Think of it as fate.
When he reads this, he'll be so touched he'll forget to hate.
Farewell Mitsuko...
Farewell Sister.
I was unconscious for about half a day.
I opened my eyes around noon the next day.
But I didn't remember anything clearly for the next few days.
I seemed to be dreaming all the time.
At first, we slept in the middle, flanked by my husband and Oum.
They tried to move Mitsuko to the next room.
She woke up.
Sister! 
Where are you?
Give her back to me!
Please!
Sister.
Next, I heard her and Watanuki whispering to each other.
Is she really asleep?
Don't talk.
I couldn't see them, but I knew.
How they fooled me!
Only I was given the drug.
Mitsuko had called Watanuki.
It makes me so angry!
Do you love me?
I do.
Which of us?
Her or me?
You.
I tried to sit up but I couldn't.
My tongue was stuck.
I couldn't talk or open my eyes.
I was so angry, wondering what to do, but I fell asleep again.
Will she be angry?
No, she'll probably be in favor of it.
Then let's be a threesome from now on.
Suddenly, Watanuki changed to my husband.
Why is he here?
At first I thought it was just a silly dream.
But when the effects of the drug wore off... there was no room for doubt.
Your husband mistook me for you, and I was too dazed...
Forgive us.
She called you by name and fixed your bedding for you.
And I just lifted her up, to pull her away, to sort out her bedding.
I thought her unconscious, so I wasn't careful.
When I became aware of what was happening, it was too late...
It was weak of me.
Sonoko, please forgive me!
I beg you!
He was such a baby, so inexperienced in such matters.
And so I believed him.
I couldn't work out what Mitsuko was really up to.
Was she really only half-conscious, like she said?
Or did she have an ulterior motive?
Did she need to be worshipped by as many people as possible?
After his first mistake with Mitsuko he repeated it, numerous times, though he did feel guilt.
I sympathized with him.
We were maladjusted.
That's why I sought Mitsuko's love.
He must have felt the same way without even realizing it.
Forgive me.
Think of it as fate and bear with it.
I want to leave Mitsuko but I can't.
You said I'm not passionate, but she proved I am!
I forgave you, so you'll forgive me, won't you?
Is this your way of getting back at me?
You two will join forces and leave me out?
You'll say we're not compatible, then you'll leave me.
I'm not wicked like that!
I understand exactly how you feel.
I'd never make you unhappy.
Let's be a threesome.
If one of us is unhappy, let's all three of us die.
My husband visited Mitsuko's mother.
He rarely lies but he lied for love.
He said it wasn't true about her and Watanuki.
My husband said he'd handle matters, and not to trust Watanuki.
Then he paid off Watanuki with 100,000 yen.
Ostensibly, everything went well.
But in truth, our relationship had become torture.
You're back already?
Don't come back so early.
We've barely had time to talk.
There's no work to do.
Let me in to talk to Mitsuko.
No!
You've lots of time to be together!
What about me?
No! 
Go downstairs!
Hurry up!
But to tell the truth...
Mitsuko phoned to ask me to hurry home.
She was angry, said you loved her more.
Is that true?
Sister dear. 
Kotaro.
You're no longer a couple.
Why do you act like you are?
Call him Kotaro, not "Dear."
Kotaro, you must call her Sonoko, or Sister.
Is that clear?
Be that as it may, before she left, she brought a sleeping drug and water.
Take this and then go to bed.
If you must sleep together, I want to see you asleep before I go.
It's very strong.
Hurry up and take it.
Was I again the only one being made to sleep?
If you two really are loyal to me, take this to prove it.
Is only mine real?
Do you refuse to?
While I'm asleep, do those two...?
Why won't you take it?
Why not?
You're ganging up on me!
You lied when you swore to be loyal to me!
I'm so unhappy!
Sonoko, wait!
We'll just have to trust to luck.
Let's swap.
Yes, let's both take it at the same time...
You'll take it?
You really will?
I'll administer it to you.
Go lie down.
Now, open your mouths.
A lot of water makes it more effective.
Wait here.
I'll go get some more.
Eat less, starting tomorrow.
It works better.
Mitsuko's little plan worked.
I can't begin to tell you just how jealous and suspicious my husband and I became.
Why are we given medicine every night?
I wonder why.
We can't even hold hands, even though we sleep together.
Maybe she has a reason.
Have you any idea what it is?
I don't know.
But you do, don't you?
No, I don't.
But you must know.
I only suspect I'm being made to sleep.
I feel the same way.
Are you still awake when she leaves?
No. 
How about you?
It's very strong.
I can't stay awake.
Then you really take it, don't you?
Of course.
Look how pale I am.
Look at me.
But Mitsuko's always telling you to do this and that.
Because she loves you.
If she really did, she wouldn't be so cruel.
She obviously loves you more.
The medicine's getting stronger now.
I'm nauseous in the mornings, and my head is numb.
It's quite debilitating.
Yes, we hardly eat and we're always taking medicine.
It's bound to poison us eventually.
We've become shadows of ourselves.
We live in adoration of Mitsuko, our sun.
You're becoming more and more like Watanuki.
You, too.
Mitsuko thinks since we've become like this we can't sort things out.
She's desperate.
Maybe she plans to make us weaker until she kills us.
Perhaps so.
We're ghosts of our former selves.
Only Mitsuko remains healthy.
It makes me wonder.
Perhaps it's wiser to leave her.
Shall we?
Yes, let's!
No!
You're only saying that to get her for yourself.
I'd rather die!
In that case, neither will I.
You love her so much?
Yes. 
Love is everything.
I won't regret dying.
You've become exactly like me.
What I was so afraid of finally happened.
I would have been happy to have died with them!
Look. 
See what someone has sent us.
See! 
It's all about us, in detail!
Must be that Watanuki.
"Love Triangle Scandal"
That's the end of my career as a lawyer.
He tricked me.
He made copies of everything.
The end has come, hasn't it?
Yes, this is the end, all right.
Let's die.
Watanuki has won!
But that hardly matters anymore.
It was bound to happen.
You're right.
Yes, it doesn't matter.
I can't escape from him.
I'm better off dead!
Let's die.
Let's the three of us die.
If you love me, die with me!
You'll die with me, won't you?
You will, too, won't you Kotaro?
She wanted to leave the letters we'd exchanged as our last words.
So I kept the ones I sent, too.
The Goddess of Mercy I'd drawn so lovingly...
We hung it in the bedroom upstairs and we all offered incense to it.
If this is Her will, I'll be happy to die.
If people name her the Goddess Mitsuko, and pray to her, we'll find salvation.
Am I finally to be the Goddess of Mercy?
No more jealous quarrels when we die.
We must lie on either side of her, to guard her.
Yes, we'll guard the Goddess Mitsuko.
Regaining consciousness the next day,
I fully intended to follow them.
But perhaps they fooled me right up to the very end.
Did they arrange it to purposely leave me out?
If I died and joined them, would I really be unwanted?
If I hadn't had these doubts I wouldn't be alive today.
Even now, when I think of Mitsuko my feeling of love is greater than any hate, or feelings of bitterness.
Please forgive me for weeping like this.
The End

SALAD BY THE ROOTS
5th year last shows
Good evening, Emile.
-I'm coming, Mr. Martinet.
Give me the horse races.
Do you have a tip?
-No, I have no idea.
A lemonade, Emile.
One needs money.
Have you seen my cousin Jack?
You should have a talk to him.
The weather's turning bad.
I believe you that it's going to rain but I don't see the connection.
Jack. 
When I see him, I'll kill him.
Take it easy, Pommes-Chips.
Jo's right.
Take it easy.
If I knew where he was, he'd be dead.
Don't you think two years of sandal making is enough?
I do. 
That's why I say:
Take it easy.
Not only did he get it on with my fiancée, while I was in jail.
He moved in with her.
He replaced the locks.
Maybe they were worn.
-Listen, La Douane.
If a man does that to you, you have to make mincemeat of him or else you're not a man.
And I won't kill him.
I'll destroy him.
Take it easy.
Gentlemen, to freedom.
The first thing a man needs.
They were released this morning.
And your cousin is now with the girl of one of them.
Isn't that up to her?
It's medieval.
It's not that easy.
You're an artist.
You're used to free love.
That's all talk, really.
-One needs money.
By the sound of you, this Rockie is a crown jewel, pure gold.
To me, she's just an old nag.
-You don't know what you're saying.
I don't know what I'm saying?
You've talked about her for 2 years.
Her eyes, her legs her breasts.
I'm curious, but it's starting to get old.
So you said: 11, 5 and 2.
Yes, 11 plus 5 is 16.
16 plus 2 is 18 and 1 plus 8 is 9.
My lucky number.
One needs money.
Drop off your docket at the counter.
Listen, Pommes-Chips. 
I mean it.
Forget Rockie and start again.
In Paris, with this beautiful weather and all those tourists you'll find someone you like.
An English woman. 
Or Swedish if you like them tall.
The entire European Union is within reach.
I got out my Rider suit and I'm about to go wild.
Nice suit.
-It better be. 
Cost me 80.
It was delivered on the day...
Anyway, it hasn't been used yet.
The good thing with an expensive suit:
it doesn't go out of fashion quickly.
British fabric, Italian design two buttons, long lapels worsted, silk lining with embroidery.
You won't find any better.
See how the jacket sits.
And comfortable...
It hangs forward.
-I'm not even going to reply to that.
I have no house, no food, no clothes.
I was wearing this jacket when the cops arrested me. 
It's all I have.
I can see that. 
What colour is it?
Isn't that a red chequered prince de galle?
Go to my tailor.
The Modern Tailor. 
He'll help you out.
Very funny. 
I'm broke.
You have friends, don't you?
What are friends for?
First, place a bet for me.
Five percent for you if I win. 7 and 9 twice round in both directions.
This could be a big one.
7 and 9? 
Reine de Cachemire and Pasiphaé 4.
They never finished a race.
In horse races, there are two approaches: magic and coincidence.
I'll explain.
A favourite with a false ticket or an outsider with a real one.
Magic cost me two years in jail.
That's why I prefer a bad horse to a good judge.
7 and 9, 20 times round in both directions.
You lost your place.
Start again at the back.
He's crazy. 7 and 9, two outsiders.
Emile, did you see my cousin?
He'd get us tickets.
You'd better get out of the city.
Pommes-Chips has been released.
Pommes-Chips?
I'd like to see him again.
And I heard that he wants to see you.
Come on.
Jack.
There's a letter waiting for you.
It says Urgent.
It's not that urgent.
-Pommes-Chips.
Take it easy, Pommes-Chips.
Pommes-Chips could at least have said hello.
Don't worry about it.
He's very stressed.
I had tickets for tonight.
-I don't know if Jack can come.
Can't I take his place?
-Sir, considering the circumstances...
But I'm family, kind of.
Pommes-Chips and I were neighbours for two years. 
My name's Jo Arengeot.
I recognised you.
Your picture was in 'Detectives'.
That was me.
My picture was in the Encyclopaedia of Chamber Music.
I'm Jack's cousin.
-So what?
I'm just explaining.
Thank you, Jérôme.
We'll see you afterwards.
I'm counting on you, Rockie.
Poor Pommes-Chips.
-Why?
Everybody can see you haven't been knitting sweaters for two years.
Not many men would understand.
What would you say to your girlfriend?
Not much. 
Georgina's in Dakar.
-Apparently, they pay well in Africa.
They're no longer as lively as they once were.
You have to work hard or be gifted.
A woman with your class is a gold mine over there.
And class is one thing you can't learn.
Mr. Arengeot...
-I spoke from my heart.
Come, let's drink to that.
Normally, with a broad, I'd only drink a mint drink or a juice.
But with you, it has to be champagne.
From a good year.
Do you really think that...
-I'm an impulsive man.
Did you see her hips sway?
Only women who've suffered have that.
Are you talking nonsense now?
-Yes.
But that's not all.
In half an hour, the curtain rises.
I'll be a genius on the last night.
-I always am.
Good evening, Mr Michon, Mr Martinet.
stage door
Hey you, where are you going?
-I have a telegram.
We don't often see such short messengers.
We don't often see such short messengers.
For who's that telegram supposed to be?
-Mr Martinet.
He's not here yet.
-I'll wait in his dressing room.
Come here.
Not that I don't trust you but a telegraph messenger drops something off, and doesn't stay around.
And the uniform?
-Where is he?
The messenger's uniform.
-Ah, the uniform...
Very dangerous, a uniform like that.
The customer opens the door, thinks you're a colonel calls the secret service and you spend 20 years in the...
Very dangerous.
Good evening, Léon.
-How are you?
I'm fine.
The end of a piece is like the end of a love.
It's like losing your little habits.
Besides, love is easier found than a good piece.
Five years is quite long.
The First World War and some more.
What are you doing there?
-I came to see the piece.
In the cupboard?
-I'll explain.
Never mind, Rockie already did.
Have you got any plans for after this?
-First a holiday
And then?
-Back to concerts.
Yes, you're a musician more than an actor.
It's less tiring.
Did you play anything before 'Moonshine in Beer'?
No, never.
If I wrote a play for you, would you play it?
I don't think so.
You didn't think it was bad.
-Neither is Mozart.
Are you ready?
-Yes.
And you can rehearse music at home.
Especially chamber music.
I'll find a spot behind the scenes for you.
You don't live alone, do you?
-No.
Have you got a wife, a mistress?
-Sister and brother-in-law.
You'd make a fine husband.
-A shame only you and I know this.
Strange, isn't it? 
After five years, I find out something about your life.
After 35 years, I sometimes still surprise myself.
I'm here.
You can stay here.
-I'd rather have a loge seat.
President Lincoln was murdered in a loge seat.
Dear Sonia, six long years have passed since that awful night when he left.
For six long years I waited until my dear prince would return.
And if he keeps his word, he will return tonight.
Oh countess, I hear a troika.
It is him. 
I'm certain.
Thank you, Lord, for giving me back my hero.
Natasha, love of my life.
Like Ulysses after a long voyage, I stand before you again.
Oh prince, emotions overwhelmed her.
I am such a brute, for not giving her any warning.
There you are, as if life was taken from you.
Dear Ovnitza, I will never leave you again.
Igor, my prince.
I rode thousands of miles to be with you.
I exhausted three mail horses but who cares about roubles, now that I am with you.
Such beautiful love.
Tell me, my hero, about those long years...
No, let me explain.
Don't be insane.
Can't we talk about it?
No, I can explain.
-Of course we talk about it.
Don't be crazy.
-Bastard.
Oh, my dearest.
-Natasha...
My prince, you make me happy.
My dearest, my darling.
My darling, my dearest.
My dearest, my darling.
My dearest, my darling.
No, no.
I waited for you, prince.
Forget fate's cruelty.
Think of the spring that awaits us.
Tomorrow morning, the primroses...
Hand in hand...
Darling, control yourself.
Stop.
Nothing will be too beautiful for you, darling.
For you, the nightingale sings.
It sings the song of love.
Everything is too beautiful and calm.
Is this the calm before the storm?
No, dearest. 
Now that love has reunited us there can be no more evil in the world.
Everything is beautiful.
-Yes, Igor. 
Everything is beautiful.
Embrace me one more time.
Countess, Moscow has fallen victim to the flames.
The French aggressor kills everybody.
They torture, execute, burn, rape.
Countess, I will not allow it.
We have to flee.
Prince Igor does not flee, countess I would lose your respect.
Oh, my warrior.
Are you leaving?
-I am leaving, Natasha.
My body can't handle veal.
-But it's good.
Yes, but my body can't handle it.
-I don't understand.
It's all in the preparation.
Baked veal is no bourguignon.
It's not over yet.
-We're discussing work.
Oh no, are they going to stay there?
Yes, darling, play our favourite melody one more time.
That bloody thing gets heavier by the evening.
They're suffering from megalomania.
The piece would be the same if he played the flute.
The flute isn't Russian.
-The accordion then.
Yes, that would be fun.
Carrying an accordion, the three of us.
What are they doing?
What are they doing?
That was great.
Bravo. 
I'm impressed.
I'm here.
Look, another one died.
Toto, are you coming?
She should have been there at the end.
-To hell with that bass.
For five years, she drowned out my text.
She thinks she's Sarah Bernard.
If you say: 
That was good, I'll reply: easy to say.
It was better than good. 
Fantastic.
I can't get over it.
When it comes to virility, I prefer Montherlant.
Virility's something else.
You know what you're talking about.
And life's more than that.
Or we'd be no more than animals.
Aren't you forgetting the costumes?
-The basket's full.
Let it overflow.
Right, straight to my place.
Bring your bass, Jérôme.
-You think?
I'll look after it, Mr Michon.
You can't leave it behind.
It symbolises the play.
Jérôme without his bass is like Paul without Virginie.
Tristan without Isolde.
-Alfa without Romeo.
Very funny.
Unexpected at least.
Powerful, that's the word.
And I'd almost say that you...
He already knows.
He's fascinating as the gypsy prince.
Fascinating. 
That's the word I was looking for.
Come with us.
We're having a fancy dress party.
I'm not in disguise.
You're fine as you are.
Are you sure his fiddle is in there?
-Did you feel how heavy it is?
Oh dear, there I go.
Do I kiss the way you like it?
-If you didn't, I'd tell you.
And now Paris by night.
This can't be true.
It's on the seventh floor.
Well, push. 
I'm carrying everything on my own.
We're going the same way.
I'm going to the seventh floor.
We'll go after you, with that basket.
-After you.
The Lord said: 
Lead us with the horse, we will follow with the donkey.
Leviticus.
-29.
Are you coming or what?
-After you.
I see you're a musician.
-Indeed, father.
Vicar, I'm a vicar.
-It's hard to distinguish, these days.
God will know.
A good idea to invite you.
What will you play?
-My solo.
Damn, it broke down.
Three people max.
We're four.
What about the instrument?
You might damage it.
We're five.
He's always with us.
He doesn't desert us.
He supports us.
Damn.
This elevator always does this.
It was time for a light meal with a very dry wine and a hare pâté with kirsch on rustic bread.
On the plains of Lorraine, so beautiful in June we see a converted tank approaching from the right.
In fact, it is a TTV, a troop transport vehicle with a 12.7 mm machine gun.
You can see it better here.
This is the 14th of July.
TTVs transporting ten troops.
You wouldn't expect that.
It's like a Trojan horse.
They've got a bazooka, nine pistols four guns, two of which grenade launchers two semi-automatics and of course mines. 
That's it.
Thanks for your holiday movies, Frédéric.
Blessed are the peacemakers;
for they shall be called sons of God.
Matthew 5:9.
Jérôme.
What a surprise.
Are we on a first name basis?
You don't recognize me.
It's been a long time.
Jérôme, the conservatory.
Dorothée. 
The memories...
You knew 2000 lines by heart.
-By now replaced by 2000 others.
I had no use for Océano Nox during dates.
Do you know where Michon lives?
-On the seventh floor.
I know that basket. 
Let's go.
-Such a keen eye.
Who's pushing?
-You are. 
Stop that.
Are we going to the seventh or what?
Jo, that man has his hands all over me.
Keep your hands to yourself.
The lady's with somebody.
Just what we needed.
Three people max.
We're four.
Five, we're five.
He's always with us.
He never deserts us.
A bit of motion, Lord.
A party ok, but how did she find this apartment?
Don't you know who lived here first?
Palmire, her cousin.
Did she die?
-Not yet, she's in a nursing home.
For senior citizens?
-For nutcases.
Christine acted very fast.
-She's dynamic.
What's that?
Hello, guys.
Who are they?
I've never seen them before.
Must be friends of the general.
He always maintained relations with the plebs.
Are they here for you Frédéric?
-Please have the courage to answer.
I don't know them, but I'll attack during the first dance.
Sit down, Rockie.
Where did we end up?
-This will be a long night.
It's still early.
They'll liven up.
Dancing can start.
Ladies, to the salon, please.
Ladies to the salon. 
Funny.
They remind me of my mother.
Miss, allow me to introduce General Séville.
Rockie La Braise.
-Entertaining.
Can I have this dance?
A waltz gives me wings.
No, it makes me dizzy.
Excuse me, I'll be back.
I don't like that military style.
Christine, it's great. 
After the dance, Jérôme will play for us.
I'm not a diva, but I can't play without any accompaniment.
Which accompaniment, darling?
-From the piece.
Which piece?
-Moonshine in Beer.
Really? 
Let me tell you something.
Mr Michon lives across the hall.
-Oh, excuse me.
Did you see him? 
I bow for you, I kiss your hand, I call you 'Milord'.
I'm not Lawrence of Arabia. 
I don't travel in the desert without drinking.
Jo, are you looking at the girls?
-Which girls?
The daughters of the banker.
When you're built like them, you don't show your body like that.
They're still children.
-It's immoral.
At that age, I was at school. 
I didn't let men undress me with their eyes.
Some are quicker than others with these things.
The more money you have, the fewer principles.
Money is gangrene of the soul.
-How beautifully put.
Are you ever shy for words?
I almost had gangrene once.
Jail saved me.
I went too fast.
Cashier at Garenne Colombes living the life in Bezons, poker in Malakoff, all in one week.
It got to me. 
I didn't talk to people anymore, ordered an American car and then, bang, jail, prison cell.
Back to nature. 
Reality.
I got off well.
-Poor darling.
You had put some money on the side, though hadn't you?
I have the ear, the rhythm, the posture but my feet don't cooperate.
But does it really matter?
I'm sorry. 
Rockie, I couldn't wait any longer.
And everybody forgets about me.
Rockie, you're driving me crazy.
My honey.
I'm here.
I thought about you a lot, in jail.
Every day, I dreamt of your pretty face.
How did you picture me?
In a mousseline dress at a lake?
All naked in a room.
But I won't tell you everything.
You don't see me.
Did you hear something?
You're so sensitive.
I have that effect on women but we only just started.
Take it easy, darling.
There.
-What, there? 
Damn.
Damn, Pommes-Chips.
How sneaky.
We're not responsible, but we have to get out of here fast.
Rockie, my little flower...
Oh, sorry. 
Excuse me.
How did it happen?
-I don't understand.
She's always so healthy. 
We were talking about mousseline and lakes and then she fainted.
Rockie, very charming.
My niece's name is Solange.
But that's not really important.
She's so sensitive.
You wouldn't know.
I see that. 
Allow me.
I'm experienced.
Doctor?
-No, multimillionaire.
In a case like this, you need oxygen.
She needs to breathe.
A bit of air. 
Air.
Excuse me, but without air...
That's it.
See? 
It always works.
Thank you...
-What's that?
He's completely drunk, isn't he?
What's he doing there?
We'll let him sleep.
Are you really a multimillionaire?
-Yes, 6 plus 6 is 12.
12 plus 6 is 18 plus 4 is 22.
22 plus 2... 25.
-25... 25 million.
And some change.
How did you become a multimillionaire?
-I don't mind telling you.
But don't tell anybody.
I worked hard. 
Really hard.
Not a word, alright?
Sorry, but they want to hear my solo.
On the double bass?
In B-flat. 
That's when I shine.
B-flat again.
And counterpoint again.
Allegro ma non troppo.
Do you know who's in that case?
Nefertite, Agamemnon?
No, Pommes-Chips.
This is crazy.
Where's my double bass?
But he's dead.
There's a knife in his back.
Strange.
We have to inform the police.
Take it easy, I'm on parole.
What then? 
I need my case.
Get me out.
He's not dead. 
He's talking.
He's talking.
I can't stand it anymore.
It must be open house here.
You can't do that, Rockie.
We're not at home.
Good evening, I'm Palmire.
Shall we play hide-and-seek?
Like him.
I'll look for Pierre.
This is his business.
He doesn't want to play anymore.
Nobody wants to play with me.
Shall we lay down too, like them?
-This is not the moment.
And I have enough of laying down.
-Too bad.
There's a body in the bass.
There's a body in the bass.
We have to go.
This is getting out of hand.
They were talking about a massacre.
-Good to see you in one piece.
It was nothing.
But we were just leaving...
It's getting late and it's so chilly at night.
No, way, you just got here.
I have a headache...
He's had too much punch.
-My own recipe.
There's a body in the bass.
There's a body in the bass.
There's a body in the bass.
There's a body in the...
Jokes like that don't scare me.
I'm waiting for you downstairs.
At the risk of sounding inhospitable:
whose corpse is this?
Mine, sir. 
It was an accident.
-But there's a knife in its back.
Exactly. 
Didn't I say it was an accident?
I don't know anything. 
I'm out of here.
-One moment.
Who's this?
-Sir, this is my cousin Jack.
Who is this?
-Her boyfriend.
And the guy in that case?
-Her ex-boyfriend.
And you?
-My new boyfriend.
One has to be discrete in family matters.
Exactly, private is private.
So take it somewhere else.
Why?
You're too much here.
-For you?
You, your case, your cousin, and the corpse that belongs to your cousin.
That's why I want you to go, to disappear.
And take your family-in-law with you.
I find that very unfriendly.
-Give me a hand.
Don't worry.
We're not from the same world.
You could help, though.
Do something for a change.
Take it easy.
Jo Arengeot's a very polite man.
But he can get angry, even in front of ladies.
Help them or I call the police.
Why don't you just ask?
When there's a will, there's a way.
You, disappear with the maestro's case.
I never want to hear about you again.
Do you swear?
-On Pommes-Chips' head.
Don't mention Pommes-Chips.
Poor fellow.
If I see him again, I'll kill him.
And you're next.
I feel offended.
Meaning, I'm protesting.
Do you want to go into the case as well?
-Alright, I give in.
Put him away.
Did you follow my deep thoughts?
Pommes-Chips has to disappear.
-How do I make that happen?
Don't worry about details, Jo.
That's pathetic.
People won't find a trace.
I'm fed up.
You give orders and threaten...
And this idiot can't do it.
You're big and strong and...
Maybe you can do it, but I...
It's not about strength, but logic.
-Push.
Yes, that's it. 
Get the lid.
-Push.
Jérôme.
Are you leaving? 
You promised...
Some absurd bad luck.
I'm really sorry.
Are you running away?
-No, I'm leaving.
Fate brought us together and separates us again. 
It's cruel.
Don't you want to give fate a hand?
-By phone. 
I'll call tomorrow.
Promise?
Good evening all. 
Police.
Tomorrow?
-I hope so.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Police? 
At my place?
At 2 in the morning?
The police is at home everywhere.
I'm here for you, by the way, Mr Michon.
And there's my little Jo.
My little favourite.
Are you transporting drugs?
Don't tell me you play the bass.
You play the violin.
What? 
You're on parole and try to be funny?
You could be back in jail in no time.
-It was a joke, Inspector.
Good, if it was a joke, it's alright.
We understand a joke.
We even make them amongst colleagues.
We can have a laugh as well.
But we want things to be clear.
No misunderstandings, alright?
I'm the one who plays the bass.
And very well, I might add.
Have you seen Moonshine in Beer?
-Yes, Michon gave me two tickets.
It wasn't bad.
-I was the bass.
My compliments.
-Thank you.
Thank you, who?
-Thank you, Mr Inspector.
Forgive me, I couldn't control myself.
You reminded me of someone.
Someone from the past.
People don't get bored with you, Mr Michon.
She has a weak spot for uniforms.
-I'm in plain clothes.
But you have a real police face.
You don't even need the uniform.
Yes, who?
-Yes, Mr Inspector.
There's a body in the bass.
What?
There's a body in the bass.
Ah, there you are.
Forgive us for the intrusion.
We were looking for that lady.
She escaped from the asylum.
She'll be locked up again.
Have fun and, once again, excuse us.
Excuse who?
Excuse us, Mr Michon.
Just one night.
-No.
Half a night then.
-No means no, murderer.
It was a stupid accident.
Stupid indeed.
It'll get you in court.
One night, to get me started.
-No.
Alright. 
Yes, I said: alright.
I can understand you won't do it for me, but do it for mummy.
For her memory.
Remember how she died?
I was a year and a half.
-Mummy loved you.
She said: 
Jérôme is more than a brother to you.
And you were.
We grew up together.
But we're not going to the guillotine together, mummy or not.
Why do you stop?
Want me to take you to the police?
-No.
Then I'll drop you off here.
-With that?
Yes. 
What do I want with Pommes-Chips?
-What do I do with him? 
In the Seine?
He'll float. 
And they'll arrest you as an accomplice.
What's your address?
-I don't have one.
I can't go to Rockie's with that, can I?
Get out.
-No.
Right away.
-On my own?
No, with him.
I'm not strong enough.
And I have a heart murmur.
Ask my doctor.
I can't carry him on my own.
And, where to, by the way?
Jérôme...
-Now what?
Can you see me at the station, handcuffed? 
The shame?
You never did much for the family honour anyway.
I mean the shame for you, aunt Olfie, uncle Absalon, your friend Michon.
My lawyer will call me a victim of my environment.
The press will slaughter you.
You won't play one more concert.
Don't do it for me.
Do it for music.
Do it for Bach, for Mozart, for mummy.
Let me stay at aunt Olfie's for the night. 
I'll be gone tomorrow morning.
Thank you, Jérôme.
Does aunt Olfie still have pussycats?
-Yes, of course.
But don't count on them.
They're vegetarian cats.
Your uncle caught all the alley cats, so can't leave my cousin on the street.
Jérôme, you're a good person.
I'm mild to others, but hard to myself.
That's true. 
Did you play your solo with Pierre Michon?
Nobody ever stopped me from doing that.
You don't look happy.
Wasn't the atmosphere good?
The best artist can't handle a bad audience.
I can stand anything, except Jack.
I wish I had seen the applause, all of Paris.
Now you're exaggerating, Olfie.
Drink your orange blossom.
It's still hot. 
You too.
I don't like it, aunt.
-It never killed anybody.
Would you mind rehearsing with your uncle, tomorrow?
We practiced all night, but there's something in the allegretto...
I though as much.
Surely, it's the bit with...
Will we be ready in time?
The concert is in ten days.
That's tight.
-What's it to you?
Let him be. 
He's showing an interest.
-It's none of his business.
By the way, he's leaving early tomorrow.
-A private matter, aunt.
If there's no nocturne in Vincennes, maybe you can come.
But alone.
Understood? 
Alone.
Say, Jérôme.
-What?
Do you believe in hell, Jérôme?
Ouch, that's hot.
-Yes, hell is hot, isn't it?
Not hell, the water, idiot.
Jérôme, it's hot, isn't it.
Such heat.
Don't you think Pommes-Chips...
Do you want to put him in the fridge?
-Don't make jokes.
Wouldn't Olfie find him?
-Who?
Pommes-Chips.
-My alarm goes off at 6.
You have to be out of here before she cleans up.
Jérôme, I kind of liked Pommes-Chips.
And now he's gone. 
Rockie's gone and I'm all alone.
Help me.
Listen, Jack. 
You go to bed with a beautiful girl and cheat on your friend.
You kill him in my theatre put his body in my bass, take him to my house in my car and then you keep me awake and you're lonely.
What if we bury him in the garden?
In my garden, between my flowers, right.
Here's a sleeping pill. 
I'll wake you.
You'll have quite a morning.
Get up, Jack. 
I overslept.
Oh, damn.
Two cases.
There was only one case.
-Now there are two.
It would be great if he had been stolen.
Pommes-Chips' jacket.
-Are you sure?
There are no two of them.
Hello, Jack.
It's not very warm.
Did you lose weight?
-I'm working.
I'm bringing you some warmth.
Here, Absalon, your jacket.
Don't get a cold.
I'd prefer my own.
-This one is more comfortable.
What about this hole?
Darwin.
Darwin, come here.
Dirty animal. 
Give me the bone.
Come here, Darwin.
Pommes-Chips...
Leave him be.
I'll call the doctor.
In shock, I think.
He didn't know what was in the case.
-Yes, he did.
What? 
About the body?
No, your uncle got it for his work.
Sorry for using that packaging, but it's more discrete.
The neighbours wouldn't like a coffin.
I get three a week, sometimes more.
Is that your new work? 
Since when?
-Almost three months already.
Not out of boredom, you know, it's work.
I cut, I treat, I clean, I brush, I boil and then with sanding paper.
It's very greasy.
And then, back in the case, I send the skeleton to the faculty.
To the faculty?
-Yes, no faculty without a skeleton.
Of course, to the faculty.
-They use lots of skeletons.
Bones have always been my thing.
I don't make much in the museum, so I do this on the side.
Of course, you need to make some extra money.
No?
-Yes.
I need to make some extra money.
You don't stop. 
You say: 
I need to make extra money and that's fine with me.
Reine de Cachemire will be beaten by Bobonnière and Pasiphaé 4.
The distance counts, the terrain's difficult.
But no, the mare takes off and takes the lead.
Don't talk to me about weak women.
It's a clear victory that I've rarely seen at this distance.
An easy win for number 7. 
Photo finish for the second place, between 9 and 18.
Photo, why? 
It was Pasiphaé.
I saw it myself.
Rockie, it's Pasiphaé.
If you saw it, then it was Pasiphaé.
-Of course.
They're waiting for the picture.
The result is being announced.
An easy win for number 7.
9 comes second and number 18, Reine de Cachemire, comes third.
Pasiphaé 4 and Bonbonnière...
This is going to pay some money.
It sure is. 
Two times twenty, that adds up.
Are you sure?
-Absolutely, blood will flow.
You'll see. 
There he is.
Two times twenty...
Damn.
Quickly, my betting papers.
-Which papers?
Betting papers. 
I won a lot.
-There was a picture.
Don't act more stupid than normal.
-I don't have your receipts.
I gave you the money.
-Not to me.
And I was against it. 
Two outsiders.
7, 9 and 18 will pay around 18,000 francs per franc bet.
1.8 million for 100 francs?
-Are you still against it?
There was a photo finish.
-Two outsiders.
I don't have your receipts.
You gave the money to Pommes-Chips.
You even offered him 5%.
-Damn.
He bet for me, right?
And he died.
Tell me, did he bet for me?
Take it easy, Jo.
You're losing your breath.
Pommes-Chips died.
But how? 
How?
Drink, La Douane.
Pommes-Chips, a real pal.
We were together yesterday.
Tell me, did he make the bet?
How did he die?
-Did he make the bet?
Yes, he made the bet.
-Are you sure?
Word of honour.
-Where did he put the receipts?
There, in his chest pocket.
I saw them myself.
He put them in an envelope and in his pocket.
It's more than 100 million.
He was a good friend.
I'd like to see him one more time.
Me too.
-Where's the body?
We need to find it.
-You said you wanted to get rid of it.
Did you say that about Pommes-Chips?
When you're sad, you don't know what you're saying.
We must find Jack. 
Where does he live?
-Here. 
But since you live here now...
Do you know where he can be?
-I can't do everything. 
Think, add.
I've got it: 110 million francs.
You get nothing if we don't find Jack.
Don't say that. that's inhumane.
St. Antoinette, we must find him.
music lessons - private lessons
Shall I ring the doorbell or not?
No, wait till the cows come home.
-Very funny.
If Jack doesn't tell us where Pommes- Chips is, you get 10% of nothing.
What is it? 
Oh, salesmen.
This is getting out of hand.
Household appliances, insurance, encyclopaedias.
Those guys are worse than the yellow peril.
They walk all over you.
Can we vacuum your carpet, sir?
Believe me, the mistral, the sirocco and the Niagara are nothing...
Stay back praying mantises, leeches...
Julius Caesars of castor oil, Napoleons of the gadget.
Unless you're peace protesters, followers of Ghandi or defenders of the oppressed Polynesians.
In that case, I'll sign, gentlemen.
I'll sign everything.
With hands and feet.
Italics, gothic and in print.
I sign Somalian Somalia, Wurtemburg, from Vladivostok to Gibraltar.
But we're here for Jack.
Jack... 
Oh, he's gone.
-Gone?
They took him in an ambulance.
A stroke and jaundice.
He's not going to die, is he?
Admirable, admirable.
A perfect dolichocephalic, rare for a European.
Hats off.
Look at the Dahomeyan forehead the Madagascan back of the head, the Berber cheekbones and the Egyptian eye sockets.
Very rare.
A pity that the bone protrusions are not more aggressive.
But what a head. 
Impressive.
I hope to work with you one day.
Did Jack have anything with him?
-No.
Did he say anything before he left?
-No.
Oh yes, he kept asking for a certain Pommes-Chips.
So do we.
And before he fainted, he said:
Bet, Jérôme, I pass.
Jérôme with his fiddle?
-Of course, Jérôme.
Better ask him.
He went with him to hospital.
Can we call the hospital?
-Yes, it costs 50 francs.
What a construction, such morphology.
I've got the number.
Long-headed, beautiful.
I'm sorry, the gentleman is not in the hospital. 
I'm sorry.
Oh, one moment. 
You're lucky.
We found him.
Pavilion Péricard, room 12.
A private room.
If he has a private room, it's serious.
Oh, mummy. 
Daddy.
We're with you, Jacky.
We came to see if your fever wasn't too bad.
Aren't you feeling well?
What?
-I said...
Het's not doing well.
Did you see Pommes-Chips?
-Yes.
Where is he?
-In the smurf.
Where?
-He's... in the smurf.
He's really not doing well.
-I'll give him a pick-me-up.
He just had one.
-So what?
You can't go over the dose.
You wouldn't deny a sick friend a little pill, would you?
Here. swallow this.
One for mummy, one for daddy.
Four for Rockie.
Where's Pommes-Chips?
-In the smurf.
Where's Pommes-Chips.
-That's enough. 
In the smurf.
Silence.
You gave him too much.
-It says three times a day.
He should be feeling better then.
-Where's Pommes-Chips?
He's in the smurf.
It's the jacket.
It's a miracle. 
Pommes-Chips.
A miracle...
Jo isn't going to like this.
We lost a battle, but not the war.
We can't wait until Jack's better.
You'll take music lessons.
-I've known him for ten years.
Relax. 
Pommes-Chips, Jack and Jérôme left together.
Pommes-Chips won't tell us where.
Jack's talking nonsense.
That leaves little Mozart.
You'll work on the soloist.
And no flirting.
It's serious work.
I've watched you and you're in great shape.
On the way to victory.
-You thought of everything.
A music lesson at 11 in the evening? 
Sorry, but...
Uncle, please.
That's impossible.
Even at the night rate.
Oh, is it you, Rockie?
Fascinated by the double bass?
-No, time is of no importance.
Conversions are rare.
Please, uncle.
No, my uncle's making noise.
Conversions are rare.
I'll write down the address right away.
Thank you, uncle. 
Please make some more noise next time.
Marching time...
Yes, that's it.
I was afraid you weren't coming.
A musician can't resist the call of the sirens.
Excuse me...
Do you often teach at night?
-No, never.
But tonight you said yes.
-Can't miss an opportunity like this.
Nice of you to say that.
I studied the classics.
Latin and Greek until second grade.
You're funny.
Let's have a drink first.
I don't want to abuse the situation.
-No, no, I'm offering.
Since when do you like the double bass?
Since I know you.
It runs in the family. 
Dad played the bagpipes in the music hall.
Is this your first lesson?
My first, I swear.
Happy?
Flattered. 
At least you haven't learnt anything wrong.
I want to learn from you.
Is that your bass?
-No, I rented it.
I'll have to tune it.
Funny, it's just as if you undress the woman you love.
You can't live all your life with and for an instrument without developing a bond with it.
It's a harmonic symbiosis.
Do you think I dress well?
-Very well.
The supple motions that are recommended in most textbooks...
I thought as much. 
Shall we?
Are you sure this is your first lesson?
-Yes.
The double bass has four strings, tuned in fourths: mi, la, re, so.
But the music is written one octave higher than what you hear.
Mi, la, re, so.
Your left hand here.
Your thumb and index finger around the neck and your right hand there.
To pluck or bow.
But don't think the double bass is related to the violin.
The violin gave it the scroll, the limited number of strings the less flat bridge and the viol gave it...
What did the viol give it?
The acutely sloped shoulders the flat lower bout and the large sides...
The bow technique is special...
Double notes are possible within certain limitations...
The tremolo the staccato and the pizzicato...
Yes, the pizzicato.
That's some craftsmanship.
Can I learn something?
-Look, you don't see that everyday.
They're singing.
My darling, my honey, my darling, my honey...
It's taking a bit long.
We're practicing elongated notes.
Darling, how sweet...
Listen to him. 
He thinks he landed in paradise.
Something could happen when they land.
But they're laughing.
Did I bother you, aunt?
-No, but don't work too hard.
You know how it is.
-A difficult lesson.
I'd rather say delicate.
Incredibly delicate.
If it was a violin, it would be a Stradivarius.
If it was a plant, it would be a climbing rose.
And if it was a woman?
-Then her name would be Juliette.
I want to meet her.
-You'd be shocked. 
She's surprising.
I'm not adverse to that.
I've seen too few surprises.
But since two days, something's happening.
I can't tell you everything, but if I let this chance go by I'll never have such a good one again.
A chance of what?
To do stupid things.
I've been waiting for 20 years for you. 
Beautiful, entertaining stupidity.
I hope she'll amuse you too.
Did he say it or not?
-I already explained.
Pommes-Chips must still be at Jérôme's place.
And he won't leave alone.
Is that all?
-Yes.
Did that take this long?
We might lose our money.
I can feel disaster coming.
This is no time to sleep.
We have to visit, but how?
Come with me.
-Where to?
He invited me to his rehearsal.
You're a genius. 
Super smart.
I'm not going.
A house full of corpses brings bad luck.
We already have bad luck.
We need to get our money.
For 2 million, I'll camp in a morgue.
First a piece of my own.
-Jérôme writes everything we play.
Music always moves me.
Excellent. 
Let's start.
This is Invention for three.
Isn't he exaggerating?
-He's not complaining.
Could that be Pommes-Chips?
He can't have changed that much in so short a time. 
I don't like this.
La Douane, come.
Wait. 
What if those bones belong to Pommes-Chips. 
I say what if then we should have found his clothes.
Especially the chequered jacket.
-The jacket. 
The uncle was wearing it.
Didn't you see the sleeves?
They were in your face.
That's why. 
In hospital, Jack was screaming: 
The jacket.
Remember, Rockie?
-He was talking nonsense.
Enough, we'll talk to that uncle.
-No, Jo.
I'd prefer electrodes, Sicilian murderers. 
I don't want to see him.
Let's go.
What's palaeontology?
Like cooking is the art of using leftovers palaeontology is the art of using bones.
Lavoisier said: 
In nature, nothing is lost and nothing is created.
Darwin added: 
Man guards with jealousy.
The petty officer of the future, descendant of the apes.
Long-skulled, extraordinary.
But let's leave the monsters behind and move on to the birds.
Grace, lightness, poetry, the salt of the earth.
As St. Francis said:
The birds, whose membrane...
I need to talk to you.
Where are the betting receipts?
You know what I mean.
I just came out of hospital.
-Do you want to go back?
I want the smurfs...
-Smurfs?
So you're not interested.
Oh, you here?
I was explaining to Jack that we're never too old to learn.
Feeling better?
-I'm still recovering.
He could have a relapse.
-We continue.
Certain species...
Can you lend me some money in memory of Pommes-Chips?
I'm not a benefactor, but a winner. 
I won't be conned.
I want you to listen when I...
What was I saying?
That reforinchidae, during the Jura, had a long tail while the tail of the pterodactyl was only rudimentary.
Not at all.
Copy fifty times.
I said: 
Sexual dimorphism among...
Five o'clock already? 
We're closing.
Get out, you.
-Lend me some money.
No, I said. 
Where did Absalon go?
He's getting changed.
We wanted to thank you for your kindness...
Can you lend me some money, uncle?
-Don't harass him.
Please, Mr Absalon.
-Thank you, young friend.
The jacket.
What's with him?
-He's still weak.
An idiot. 
What about my jacket?
-Nothing.
It's a bit...
-Allow me?
It was my wife's idea.
Thank you for your courtesy, Mr Arengeot.
Call me Jo.
The 7, the 9 and the 18.
The 7, the 9 and the 18.
A royal flush, 421 9 on the bridge and Fannie...
What does that mean?
It means: 
Give me the money.
The rich don't wait.
What do you want?
-It says it there.
The 11, the 5 and the 2.
They're struggling at the grandstand.
11, 5 and 2.
That bastard of a Pommes-Chips.
I hope he's in hell with Judas.
200 million out of the window.
Twenty years of work.
1,780,000 francs.
On the 7, the 9 and the 18.
Quite rare.
In horse racing, dare-devils are not the lucky ones.
Betting requires a certain skill, but especially human qualities.
Honesty, Spartan morals, a spirit of enterprise and especially music.
And maybe a little bit of luck.
And remember, one doesn't have to win in order to persevere.
Goodbye and until next Monday.
One can have bad luck, a stupid setback but some drown their sorrow and others react.
It's mainly a matter of slight of hand.
And Jo hasn't lost his miracle hands his Rubens of engraving, his Leonardo of the litho.
And when I get my 2 millions, who'll get what he deserves?
That asshole of a Pommes-Chips.
That's the world these days.
No more benevolent God, only fate.
So you had to forge your receipts.
You couldn't handle the loss.
What I can't handle, is injustice.
So you'll be making sandals.
At least, you'll learn a job.
That always comes in handy, these days.
I feel for you, for having to miss me every night.
Each time you arrest me, you break a few little hearts.

You unlock this door with the key of imagination.
Beyond it is another dimension- a dimension of sound,
a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind.
You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas.
You've just crossed over into the twilight zone.
Yes?
Is this major kuchenko?
Who is calling?
This is major kuchenko, isn't it?
Who is calling?
Major, you don't know me, but i've heard of your recent arrival here, and i wanted you to know that you have friends.
Who is this speaking?
Is this a friend also?
Yes- a good friend, major.
Not known to you yet, perhaps, but soon to become acquainted.
May i impose upon you to remain in your room... and why?
Why do i have to stay in my room?
We'll be making contact with you very soon, major.
Your well being is our deep concern.
Now, kommissar?
Major, may i count on you to show good sense?
For your own safety, remain in your room.
You'll be seeing your friends before long.
Good-bye.
Now, kommissar.
The fox is in the trap.
I could make his head leave his body from this distance.
That would give you pleasure, wouldn't it?
A great deal of pleasure, kommissar.
Tell me when.
Even when he lies down, i can still aim for his head.
Yes, i believe it, boris.
I know of your prowess.
Oh, put that gun away for a bit.
Put it away?
Oh, lay it aside.
What, are we not going to kill him?
The impatience of the bourgeois.
They do not sip wine.
They gulp it down like a soft drink.
They do not caress women;
they devour them.
They do not sniff at the essence of a rare perfume.
No... they try to jam it into their nostrils.
Boris, the gentleman will die.
Indeed, he will.
But i want him to die with finesse, with subtlety and a degree of thought.
That is a good death.
I did not know there was a good death and a bad death.
Uh-huh.
A good death is the death of art.
A bad one is the death of a butcher.
You, boris, are a butcher.
I am an artist.
You will have your death tonight, boris, within a few hours, but we will have killed with artistry and not with a meat cleaver or an explosive bullet or any other of the butcher's tools.
No, no.
This death will be like a ballet.
A cat and a mouse.
This is the latter- the intended victim- who may or may not know that he is to die, be it by butchery or ballet.
His name is major ivan kuchenko.
He has, if events go according to certain plans, perhaps three or four more hours of living.
But an ignorance shared by both himself and his executioner is of the fact that both of them have taken a first step into the twilight zone.
Yes?
Major kuchenko?
Who is it?
A friend.
Don't worry.
Turn off the lights if you want to, find a hiding place.
I'll come in with my hands up.
I've got my palms open.
Major kuchenko?
And you are...?
A friend.
May i come in?
Thank you.
You are the one i spoke to on the telephone?
Mm-hmm.
We had a brief chat earlier.
Well, it's quite a place you have here.
Who occupied it before you?
A rat?
I had no luxury of choices.
No, indeed, you have not.
In that respect, you are a very poor man, major.
But, then again, you have a bed, pictures on the wall, a carpet...
such as it is.
Well, quite an adequate accommodation.
Ah... and a most wonderful view of a brick building alongside.
Well, major, there are worse places to spend an evening in.
I know.
I have been to many of them.
Indeed. 
Indeed, you have.
Siberia is quite cold, isn't it?
I've been told it has a most unfortunate climate.
You have been told right.
It is a freezing jungle.
A freezing jungle.
Oh, that's marvelous- lovely imagery.
Siberia as a freezing jungle.
You make reference, of course, to the people.
I make reference to some people.
Oh... it must have been unpleasant for you.
Sufficiently unpleasant to motivate you to renounce your native country and to try and seek asylum elsewhere, which brings us up to date.
You were a political prisoner.
You escaped.
You served a term of 12 years, and now you arrived here in a neutral country, and you are desperately trying to get an aircraft to take you out of here to a western nation.
But, uh... you feel you are under surveillance?
I know i am under surveillance.
Well, do you know by whom?
Very well.
Well, tell me.
Who are they?
Look in the mirror, kommissar.
Discerning, major.
You remember faces.
I remember pain.
I remember some interrogations that went on for many months.
I remember one particular man who smoked a long cigarette in a holder, stood in a corner, nodding and smiling while i went from agony to agony.
So, major... may we dispense with the amenities, the masquerades, the little give and take between two strangers feeling each other out?
Now we get to the point.
Did you honestly think we would permit you to book passage on an aircraft out of here?
Impossible.
As a former member of the military even as far back as 12 years ago, you possess information that we would find... embarrassing to have released elsewhere.
So it's not really to our advantage that you leave here.
Of course, it would be simpler and more convenient to accompany me back to our embassy.
I am sick... tired and torn, kommissar, but i am not insane.
I would sooner cut my wrists over a sink and bleed to death!
No, major.
I am afraid we are of two minds about that kind of death.
Gently, gently, major.
Here.
I brought some amontillado- quite rare and most pleasing to the palate.
I'm afraid i will have to repeat i am not insane.
I'm quite aware of what will happen to me if i were to drink any of that.
With your indulgence, major, if you assume this to contain cyanide or some other poison, you're quite wrong.
You see, i don't share your death wish.
I'm quite a healthy man with excellent expectations as to my longevity.
No, no, no, no, no.
I was only proposing a social drink between the two of us.
Iwill drink first.
Such a ritual.
Such a tribal rite.
Kommissar, you have only one purpose with me.
Why don't you try to get it over with?
If you want to disarm me to get rid ofthis, it will take more than a social wine.
Yes, indeed.
As to my business with you, we both know what that is.
I am to see to it that you are dead by tomorrow morning, and you shall be, major.
With a certain degree of immodesty, i can tell you i have killed 800 times you, but i've done it with subtlety, with interest, with ingenuity.
I am the last of the imaginative executioners.
And how do you intend to kill me?
Let me tell you what, major- let's have a drink of wine first, and then i'll tell you.
Sante.
Ah. 
Excellent.
Flavor, bouquet, just the proper amount of dryness.
It's really a most exceptional wine.
Join me, major.
Very well, kommissar.
I will have a drink of wine.
Then i may killyou.
Yes, you may very well try.
And now let me tell you something about us.
Let me explain the difference between you and me.
You are a malcontent, major.
You can never accept that which is ordained.
I, on the other hand, i adapt to my situations.
I don't have a very large salary, and my job- at least the way it's laid out- is rather a dull one:
Finding traitors and defectors and doing away with them.
And in your case... in my case... in your case, i choose to prolong it, and in the process of this prolongation, i have come up with...
with something that i think is a most bizarre and novel method of execution.
One designed to challenge your talents, for we both are worthy adversaries- you and me.
I feel... very weak.
You... you, monster.
You drugged me.
Oh... greetings, major kuchenko.
First of all, to clear up one point- as must be evident to you, i've been imbibing this particular drug for many years and have reached a point where i can drink it by the gallon and be quite unaffected.
As you've probably perceived, i'm rather a gamesman when it comes to killing.
I have my own rules and ethics that apply, and, major kuchenko, listen to the following quite carefully.
This is the game, and these are the rules.
You have been asleep for roughly three hours.
During that time, i have placed a booby trap in this room.
It is not visible, but it is attached to a very common object.
If you trigger this object, you will immediately be blown up.
Now the following proposition:
If during the next three hours, you are able to find this booby trap and cut the wire, you'll be permitted to leave the room alive.
This is a guarantee, but the following conditions are of the essence, major.
You must actively search for this booby trap, and you must find it and render it unusable.
Attempt to turn out the lights, and you'll be shot at once.
The moment you stop an active search, you will be shot, or if you are unable to find the trap at the end of three hours or attempt to leave the room during that time, i'm afraid
the same conditions apply.
You will receive a bullet in the head.
So, there you have it, major.
As a fellow expert in the art of booby traps, i think you will admit, major, that this situation has its own special imaginative quality.
The doorknob.
Interesting idea.
That bible that looks as if it's been pulled out.
Possible.
I think he's found it.
I doubt it.
The dresser drawer.
Wait and see.
You seem so sure.
Sure?
That he'll find the trap.
Not at all.
That's not what i'm sure about.
What i mean to say is that i'm reasonably sure he'll find it, but he'll find it when it's too late.
Is he at the table?
He's stripping the bed.
That's where you put it, isn't it?
In the bed.
Warm now, boris.
Extremely warm, but not hot.
Then where?
Please, kommissar, tell me!
What's he doing now?
Well, what's he doing now?
He's at the telephone.
I thought for a minute... you thought what?
The telephone.
Hot, boris.
Extremely hot.
The telephone?
Precisely.
The telephone.
But... but he just lifted the receiver.
Indeed.
He lifted the receiver to call out.
If, on the other hand, the major's phone were to ring, and he were to answer it... that's it!
That's it.
If he picks it up afterit rings.
Ah, you've got it now, my friend.
If the major's phone rings and he answers it, i've placed a tiny plastic bomb inside the mechanism.
The explosion... the explosion will only occur after the ring and the lifting of the receiver, at which point, major kuchenko will not even have time to say hello.
Vassiloff!
Shoot me!
Shoot me, vassiloff!
Shoot me!
Why don't you kill me, vassiloff?
!
Shoot me, vassiloff.
What's the time, boris?
Ten minutes to five.
Almost dawn, kommissar.
He's got another ten minutes.
Well, i think it's time to, uh... how shall we say...
"implement" the thing?
Yes, would you ring room 963, please?
Thank you.
Now, kommissar?
No, no, no, no, no!
Hello.
Hello!
Yes, would you ring room 963 again, please?
Kommissar?
It would have been better, wouldn't it?
It's all right.
I'll get him in the next city... now that i know that he is a most resourceful adversary.
No, boris!
I'm sorry, sir.
The line seems to be disconnected.
I'm unable to reach your party.
It's all right, operator, i... i have reached them.
Flight 17, transocean airways, now departing for new york city via belgrade, rome, london.
All aboard, please.
Major ivan kuchenko, on his way west, on his way to freedom- a freedom bought and paid for by a most stunning ingenuity.
And exit one kommissar vassiloff, who forgot that there are two sides to an argument and two parties on the line.
This has been the twilight zone.

Do the clinical studies of psychiatrists concur with the psychological analyses of novelists?
We asked writers to draw portraits of psychopathic personalities using nothing more than their talent and imagination.
Will doctors find some of the main symptoms of their clinical patients in these strictly fictional representations?
Marguerite Duras has drawn us a portrait of the "psychopathic personality of an alcoholic".
DARK NIGHT CALCUTTA
Adaptation:
Paul J. Memmi I Jennifer Kaku
Subtitling:
Nice Fellow
I have come here to write a novel.
It is the story of a man I have imagined.
He is silent, naive... lacking audacity.
He will let any chance for happiness slip by.
I have made him vice-consul of France in Calcutta.
Vice-consul:
a mediocre occupation, but safe... and which misleads.
Calcutta... infinite city of the lassitude of being...
I must now tell of his failure, his shattered dream,
and how Calcutta, slowly, will fully expose his solitude,
his banality, his anxiety, so tight.
I must invent Calcutta, completely.
Its heat.
Fans everywhere, rustling like startled birds...
The love felt, meeting a woman.
My luck is the greatest there is.
If I do not succeed,
I will not kill myself.
I will return to Paris.
The living dead.
I will continue doing what I have done.
No one will know.
How difficult!
How to attack this fortress?
It seems impregnable, all of a sudden.
Words exist somewhere, hidden, for the moment.
But I know them all.
All of them!
They will come to me.
the woman is blond.
the woman he meets is also Calcutta.
The beggar is Calcutta.
The vice-consul of France, as well.
What is this thing I want to describe?
What is its nature?
This thing I want to do...
To write!
What is its nature?
Solitude...
I returned it.
I didn't keep it to myself, like the others.
What do the others do?
I turned this fetid pocket inside out.
Tomorrow it will be seen.
I do not know what this book will be.
What I know is, it's taken my place.
I am no longer anything.
Describe endlessly:
the night of Calcutta.
An enormous egg.
Black.
Miasmic.
Clouds gather above the mouth of the Ganges... in a Himalaya.
A beggar, infested with fleas, is squatting in the water of the rivers
near the banks where the carps lie sleeping.
She is watching out for them, and she eats them raw.
I don't want to go to England.
I don't want to!
I don't want to anymore.
You will stay here for a while.
You can come to my place, you know that.
No...
If I stay, I'll stay at the hotel.
I would like that room for myself alone.
Actually, I'm fine here.
You're here... and I like that beach.
Did you speak to Jean?
What did he say?
What is he holding against you?
Everything, I think... 
I don't know.
- Is it over for you?
- How can anyone know?
You can know, I think.
Horrible city...
Horrible vermin everywhere.
The reek of the mud, stirred by the fans...
He did not go over to her.
to waste one's time, one's youth...
Those naive words she must be using...
I would like to tell of her despair.
A great swelling wave, a smooth roll flooding through her...
The lover must have left a couple of days ago.
His name is Jean.
I overheard.
The woman in Calcutta is blond.
I will invent her tomorrow.
The sky is nothing.
Haze...
He meets her at a French Embassy reception.
He asks her to dance.
She speaks first.
I don't know how to write this book anymore.
Calcutta is dying. 
She is too.
The Ganges no longer carries anything.
Perhaps I am mistaken?
I must begin again tomorrow. 
Calmly.
Write every day...
I will find the connection between all of these things.
Begin at the beginning.
I will tell everything.
I can. 
I can do everything.
What strength! 
What happiness!
I will find the phrases.
When did you find out?
Yesterday. 
At Cabourg.
He pulled out a flask from his pocket.
Even when he walks!
What are you going to do?
Go to him.
Why not?
So that's how you are...
Why is he here?
To write a book.
He told the bookseller, who told me.
What kind of book?
I don't know.
So you see, he wants to be left alone.
Any news about Jean?
He's gone.
He left me a note.
He'll come back to see you.
Will you go back to Paris?
I think you should get some rest first.
Sleep...
One night...
Dark...
Miasmic...
Dark, miasmic.
An enormous egg...
Alcoholic, what a joke...
I can stop whenever I want...
How do you start to describe emptiness?
Had I been the soul she was seeking, I'd have approached her.
Is there something you wanted to know?
This is hell!
The Ganges that carries the dead, the filth...
I can't do it. 
It's impossible.
Agony.
It's simply impossible.
So what is there to say?
What is there to do?

LET'S TALK ABOUT WOMEN
Logiusso Gaspare!
My husband is not in.
Where is he?
He's gone grape picking.
When is he coming back?
.
After the Angelus.
Would you like to try our wine?
Why do you want to see him?
It tastes good.
What do you want from him?
It's men's business.
I never did that.
Never with another man!
I did it for my husband.
For you, Gaspare, because I love you and I don't want to lose you.
To save your life!
You're still here?
What else do you want?
- I'm waiting for your husband.
- What?
I only did this so you would leave.
You're a man of honor.
You must leave.
Do it for me!
Promise me.
Promise me you will leave.
All right.
Fine...
I'm leaving.
Tell your husband that here is the rifle I borrowed from him yesterday.
Thank you for everything.
Hi!
Hi, Fabiani.
Excuse me, sir.
I didn't recognize you.
Got a cigarette for this poor match? 
Thanks.
You can always count on my matches.
- We pay taxes on matches too.
- What's said is said.
Always the same old prank.
Why don't you give me a Roman salute, then?
Say hello to your missus.
Look who's coming?
Hello, sweetie. 
How's it going?
Fancy watching television at my place tonight?
What about your wife?
- I'll come to your place.
- My mother will kick you out.
It's so complicated!
There's no use having a TV, then?
Hi, Marco.
Bye, Miss Ministry of Transport.
Say hello to your mother.
You're working late, today?
I'm not sure...
What have you done to your coat?
What a shame!
Let me help you.
Overnight?
Bring your deck of cards, we'll fleece the caretaker.
Hi, John Wayne!
You were at the office?
Of course.
I didn't see you.
From 9 to 11, I went to watch a game of table tennis.
Come with me to the betting office.
I've got some tickets.
- I filled them in this morning.
- Are you tired?
- You bet!
- Let's go for a drink.
All right, then.
Last one in pays the bill!
Force your way through.
Watch the bus!
Mission accomplished!
Well done!
You know my mother used to date Zatopek's father and you still want to race against me!
God, you're so short!
I almost have to kneel down to spray this in your eye!
- You're crazy!
- Don't get upset about this.
Can't believe your eyes, can you?
Let's have this drink.
Wait a minute.
- You're going back home?
- Yes, why?
If you wait for me, you could give me a ride.
I'll buy you a drink and then we'll go.
That makes 3 drinks.
Hand over the money, we have a guest.
Tell the man you're sorry.
3 Martinis with olives and sausages!
To starboard!
Here we are.
This is my manor.
Steer straight ahead.
Thanks a lot.
I think we're there.
We only risked our lives 7 times!
- All right, off I go.
- We had a good laugh.
Thanks, no need to make a fuss.
If you want to stay for lunch, meet me at your place.
That's some car you got here!
You can drive home now.
Don't forget, to brake, use the one in the middle.
Mr. Alvaro De Santis lives here?
Second floor, number 7.
I know, that's where I live.
I should have guessed.
I fall for it every time.
You should go on a diet.
Nothing beats walking!
"She poisoned her husband and ran off with her neighbor."
Hello, Mrs. Marietta.
Pack your suitcase while I poison my husband.
Give me 10 minutes.
Don't use arsenic, it's a classic and it's very sour.
He doesn't even like vinegar.
So don't use vinegar either.
Alvaro ?
Hello.
Hello, Luisa.
You looktired.
I am.
I have loads of work.
What an awful morning!
I've got a headache.
Let's have lunch, you'll nap afterwards.
I can't, I have to go backto work.
My slippers...
Stop that!
You're 10!
You're too old for these childish games.
Always clowning around...
What will become of you?
Turn around!
Behave yourself.
What a life!
Can't wait for my retirement.
- Have we met before?
- No.
Let's get to know each other.
Very comfy place you have here!
A woman likes to be comfortable.
Usually, I go to a hotel.
But when I have guests, I like to make a good impression.
You're right.
You always work where I picked you up...
- Met you, I mean.
- Yes, till 9.30 pm.
My last client usually gives me a ride home.
So you don't pay for the taxi.
That's clever.
Well done.
Could you turn around?
- You don't mind?
- Not at all.
I knowthis guy!
- It's my husband.
- No!
We've been married for 3 years.
I know him.
It's Roberto Romarini!
- How do you know him?
- How do I know him?
We were in the same class, 15 years ago.
We played on the same basketball team.
What a coincidence!
You're his wife!
Congratulations!
He put on some weight and lost his hair but he still has the same smile.
I'd be happy to see him again.
Wait here, he'll be back in half an hour.
No, I have to go.
Where did you put my trousers?
What an idiot, I put them in the wardrobe.
- Excuse me.
- It's no big deal.
I can't help it, I have to tidy up!
If you want to stay, I'll make you some coffee.
No thanks, don't bother.
Now's the wrong time for that.
I won't mind.
Besides Roberto will be pleased.
You sure?
If you think he'll be pleased.
You're a nice person.
Did you hear me?
Roberto is lucky he found a girl like you:
serious, conscientious...
You can tell straight away.
You're not one of those boring shrews.
You've been around.
Can't learn your trade in school.
Girls like you are born prostitutes.
You're right.
Is this expensive?
What is it?
A Clavinova.
Nice place you have here.
In Tokyo there's a school where they teach women
- howto take care of men.
- Really?
They get a diploma?
All I know is that it's a recognized profession such as typist or social worker.
Believe me, I just came back from the Olympic Games.
Those Japanese, they're something!
They make such tiny radio sets.
I always carry one in my bag.
It keeps me company.
In America, all you buy is Japanese.
You can read "Made in Japan" on the feet of new-born babies!
That's him.
Wait!
How can I explain how I got here?
Don't worry, I brought you here.
Hide, we'll surprise him.
- Good evening, honey.
- Darling!
I went to see Aunt Margherita.
She's so lonely.
She's inviting us for lunch next Sunday.
Roberto, look who's here!
- Who's that madman?
- Your old school pal.
I'm Tonino.
Don't you recognize me?
Tonino Zaffardi. 
Tony the Nip.
What are you doing here?
What am I doing?
He's one of my clients.
I ran into your wife by accident.
I didn't know she was your wife.
What?
A lady-killer like you!
You've sunkthat low!
.
Is it a disgrace?
Thank you very much...
She's right.
No harm intended, honey.
- Sit down.
- Thank you.
You haven't changed a bit.
You look very fit.
If I hadn't seen your picture in the bedroom
I never would have guessed this was your home.
Are you married?
No, I like my freedom.
That explains your late strolls.
My clients are usually married men, not bachelors.
- You hear that?
- She knows her stuff.
It's been a long time!
It's really amazing!
- Sorry...
- It's all right.
Do you have any news from Galimberti?
He left for Venezuela for his health and because of some dirty business, you know...
What do you mean?
He got into trouble with a 15 year-old girl.
It was in the papers.
He did 3 years in jail and found out his wife had run off with a gigolo.
That's a tough one.
Sad to be a cuckold.
- What are you talking about?
- Nothing.
What's your line of work?
.
- I bet you're a civil servant.
- I'm a businessman.
I own a fashionable bar in the via Marulana.
Come and see me, we'll have a chat.
- I've got to go.
- Have dinner with us.
No, I must go.
- There's always enough to go...
- I don't want to bother you.
I'll drop by, I have nothing to do all day.
I believe you.
- See you soon.
- No problem.
I'll come after I drop off my wife.
Speaking of your wife, I almost forgot.
What are you doing?
I can't accept.
Why is that?
Business is business.
You're joking or what?
Would you let me pay for my coffee in your bar?
That's different.
You can't compare a coffee with...
Do you want to offend me?
All right. 
If you take it that way, what can I say?
- My humble respects.
- Bye, sweetheart.
She's a nice girl.
Good evening.
Tonino Zaffardi.
It was a pleasure to see him again.
- What's going on?
- Nothing.
Nothing?
Look at your faces!
- Tell me.
- Let's eat.
How could I eat with you telling me "let's eat"?
I'd rather know now.
What's happened?
What's the matter with you?
Elena, don't do that.
Stay here.
I have a right to knowthe truth.
Marcello, your sister was dishonored.
Dishonored? 
By whom?
An unscrupulous man.
She met at the swimming pool.
He seemed kind and shy, but he was putting on an act.
They talked on the telephone and they went out last night...
Last night...
Marcello, he dishonored her!
- You hear me?
- Of course I hear you.
- So she wasn't at the cinema.
- No.
Marcello!
How can you eat?
What do you want me to do?
What a question!
He's an unscrupulous man.
Elena phoned him, he won't talkto her.
- How dare he?
- Exactly!
We want you to talkto him.
- To whom?
- To him.
I wanted to cheer up Elena, not to talkto him.
You are the head of the family now.
Why did your father leave us so quickly?
When he was alive, this would have never happened!
I should hope not, she was only 6 when he died.
- So will you go?
- Of course I will.
I'm going.
What should I tell him?
That when you make a promise to a girl, you keep it.
Elena is an honorable young lady.
Girls are defenseless with such a man.
Girls only stand up to me.
I can't stand that kind of guy...
It's easy to be unscrupulous.
But if you're honest, you always fall for it.
I can't wait to tell this man what I think.
If he saw me with his sister, he'd beat me up.
But I'm the brother, I'll strike first.
- Don't do anything stupid.
- Don't worry.
She's my sister.
We're of the same flesh and blood.
It's like he had dishonored me.
It's an image, of course.
Mother?
The soup is terrible.
I wasn't in the mood for cooking.
It's no big deal.
Story of my life.
Overwork, disgusting food, lonely nights... 
That's my life.
There you go!
Really disgusting.
So?
I'm coming.
It's cold.
You look like an undercover cop.
Let me put something on.
Funny idea to swim at this time of the day.
I must be crazy!
Where were we, M. Bonnilli ?
Bonnelli.
I was talking about my sister.
Elena? 
She's a fine girl.
She was, until yesterday.
This is a man-to-man talk, we can speak openly.
- So?
- So, here is what I think.
An honorable girl always stays honorable.
Even after her first man.
What if she carries on seeing other men?
She can start saving some money.
I'm only joking.
It won't happen.
Don't take it so seriously.
Sorry, but...
Hi, Fred.
- You like her?
- I'm not in the mood.
As I was saying,
- we live in a modern world.
- That's not the point.
Do you have 100 liras?
Why?
Tango, samba or twist?
- Twist.
- All right.
Excuse me...
It's new?
.
Two years old.
Can I join in, girls?
Are you two free tonight?
Nice belly!
We're in the middle of a conversation.
You are going to say that we are old-fashioned but you behave in an intolerable way.
Let's not exaggerate.
We don't play polo, like you do.
I find it inappropriate to talk in this place.
- You're uncomfortable here?
- No, why?
I just thinkthis is a touchy conversation...
If you don't see why, I do.
You are rather extravagant and thoughtless, you swim in November, you twist.
You are only listening to me with half an ear.
You are right. 
Come to the bar, it will be quieter.
The barman is not here.
- All right?
- Yes.
I thinkthat a nice young man like you should use his brains a bit more and see that each woman is unique.
Take my sister, for instance...
Let's go under cover!
- My sister...
- Fancy a swim in the rain?
- I can't swim!
- Excuse me.
A quiet place, you said...
Don't you understand?
No, I don't.
What do you expect from me?
If there's any way I can help...
You have dishonored my sister...
What?
- You took advantage of her.
- What?
You want to dance without me?
I don't think so!
Your sister is 27.
She's not a child anymore.
She's pretty and fun.
We were here last night.
- Alone...
- That's the problem!
If only it had been crowded yesterday and empty today.
We drank and...
It happened.
What do you mean, "it happened"?
You asked for it.
Disease and fate are implacable, sex is not!
You can always say no.
You took part in it, admit it!
I don't deny it.
It's easy to put the blame on the drinks.
I must say...
- Are you listening?
- Yes, carry on.
A real gentleman doesn't force a woman to drink!
- I admit it was wrong.
- Thank you.
But I don't know what to do.
Let's go somewhere else.
- Tell me what I should do.
- I should tell you?
- Have you seen my sister?
- I was here first.
All right.
You may think I'm old-fashioned but in the past, when such things happened, when a girl was compromised, people talked about compensation.
What do you mean?
Think.
You're single, so is Elena, you like each other, so draw your own conclusions.
- You must be joking?
- On the contrary.
This is ridiculous!
Do you know who you're talking to?
If I get married, it will be to a wealthy American who owns a yacht in Portofino and a chalet in Cortina.
I want to be comfortable.
Honestly, do you see me married to Elena?
What a bargain!
Not that Elena is ugly, she can be attractive, once in a while, when you're drunk.
But honestly, from me to you, would you marry Elena?
I'm her brother!
- I don't fancy her more than you.
- You got some nerve!
- Who's that girl?
- I don't know.
- Really?
- She's good-looking.
Pretty chick, right?
- Come, I'll introduce you.
- You don't know her!
You can introduce me when you know her.
Come on!
- Sit down!
- Excuse him, Miss.
Careful!
I'll sit here.
- My friend Bonnilli...
- Bonnelli.
- would like to know your name.
- No...
Why would your friend want to know my name?
He told me that a chef-d'oeuvre always has a name.
"Leda and the Swan", "Venus landing on the Shore",
"Mona Lisa"... 
What's the name of this beautiful piece of art?
My name is Loredana.
Loredana?
Nice name.
Marcello Bonnelli. 
Nice to meet you.
This is Mister Alfredo.
Miss Loredana.
Call me Fred.
Are you free tonight?
We could have dinner together.
8 o'clock?
.
- I'm meeting a girlfriend.
- That's a shame.
It's perfect.
That will make 4 of us, I won't have to be the third wheel.
8 o'clock, all right.
You seem confident.
What if we don't show up?
If you don't show up at 8, we'll jump in the pool.
They empty the water at 7.30.
See you at 8, don't forget.
Goodbye.
I'm counting on you.
Pretty, isn't she?
- You thinkthey'll come?
- Of course.
Let's buy some whiskey, have them drink a little.
- You're telling me?
- I forgot.
Goodbye and thank you.
- Excuse me, we are friends now?
.
- Of course.
Tonight, you go out with Loredana and tomorrow, her brother asks you to marry her.
- What would you answer?
- Yes.
You say that today, but tomorrow...
Honestly, you can't compare Loredana to your sister.
That's for sure.
- I'm joking!
- It's not the same thing.
Not the same league.
I've got to go.
We meet up here at 8?
No, I pick you up at your place at 7.45.
- I know where you live.
- Right, you gave Elena a lift.
Bye, see you later.
Bye, Marcello.
See you tonight, Fred!
I'd need a new coat.
- So?
- So what?
You talked to him?
Of course I did.
More than 2 hours.
You told him to face up to his responsibilities?
You bet. 
I shut him up.
- Actually, Fred is...
- Fred?
Alfredo. 
He's a gentleman, a fine man.
You'll notice, sooner or later.
- What's that?
- An undershirt.
I'm allowed to buy myself an undershirt.
I wanted something a little more flattering.
- What did he say?
- I spoke to him and...
You should stop bothering him.
What do you mean?
Stop calling him all the time.
Give it time.
Where are my blue boxer shorts with my initials?
Give me the perfume I offered you for Christmas.
What else did he say?
He said...
Why are you always touching my meccano?
It takes patience to build one, stop fiddling with it.
I don't want anybody else to touch it.
- So what did he say?
- You want to know?
.
He thinks she's really nice, he likes her a lot...
This shirt is all crumpled.
Iron it.
And don't make such a face.
Go iron your little brother's shirt.
Mind the collar.
Would you run a bath for me?
A bath, now?
.
You're going out tonight?
I'm entitled to a bit of distraction, once in a while.
Tell me the truth.
Can I find peace of mind?
No mother can, nowadays.
Hand me my undershirt.
Those ones are loose.
I don't want them anymore.
Give me the new one.
Fred is a nice, helpful guy.
I'm sure you'd like him.
One night...
This one makes my waist thinner.
If you want, we can invite him for dinner.
It would be best if Elena weren't in that night.
- He didn't promise anything?
- It's not that simple, mother.
I'm seeing him in 2 hours.
I hope everything will be fine.
I really do.
But Elena has to realize that it's also her fault.
Think about it, mother.
She is 27.
Sure, she's a nice girl... but she doesn't catch your eye.
Really.
Let's face it, mother.
You...
Between us, Elena...
would you marry her?
Elena, run a bath for me!
She doesn't catch your eye.
That's all.
What's that?
What's going on?
Nothing.
It must be the schoolchildren.
Schoolchildren?
- That means it's 8.30!
- What's the matter? 
Sleep.
The kids are in school and I'm still in bed!
Don't you think you're a bit old to go to school?
This is no time for jokes.
I have an appointment at 10, I told you.
I'm going to be late.
I have to hurry up.
Don't panic.
You have plenty of time.
It's not even 10 yet.
You have an hour and a half, it's only 8.30.
Take it easy, there's no rush.
It's bad to wake up with a start, makes you 10 years older each time.
No chance of that happening to you.
You bit me.
What's with the biting?
- I have to go home and change.
- You don't have to change.
What?
You don't have to change!
You make me raise my voice.
I can't go in an evening gown.
I did ask you to wake me up at 8.
You told me you rose with the sun.
Right!
Much ado about nothing, really!
Slow down, or you'll be there at 10.
- They'll wait for you.
- No. 
I like being on time.
That's a woman's prime virtue.
Let's say her second.
As you like.
But I want to be on time.
Of course, you're virtuous.
There's one. 
Where's the other?
- The other what?
- My other shoe.
You're not very sharp this morning.
That was it!
I slept the whole night on this thing.
It's hot!
I dranktoo much yesterday.
I saw you.
You wanted to ride a policeman's bicycle.
I can't ride a bicycle.
I know. 
I had to carry you on the crossbar.
With my back pains...
The band was quite good last night.
The trumpet was all right, but the sax...
- Shall we dance again?
- If you want to.
Are you crazy?
You want me to die or what?
It's not that.
It's a 3 beat rhythm.
I'll explain tomorrow.
It doesn't matter.
I will try my best next time.
- What time is it?
- Quarter to nine.
Oh no!
I'm going to be late.
Or will I be there at 10?
What do you think?
.
- Sure, you'll make it.
- Bye, angel.
Bye, darling.
- Can I see you tonight?
- No, not tonight.
Some other time, maybe.
I'll call you.
It will be the occasion to take my mother out.
Mimi's back from Sweden, we can visit her.
God! 
I'll never make it by 10!
Bye!
Want me to give you a lift?
No, thanks. 
I'd rather not.
Bye, my love.
I really don't want music right now.
I bet it's going to rain.
My good luck !
There's one coming.
Good evening.
Fancy a ride, you and me?
What?
Of course...
I can understand...
Fine.
Of course, with a car...
It's easy.
There's not much traffic.
It's quiet tonight.
Here comes another one.
Good evening.
- You want to know where I live?
- If you want me to.
Shall we take my car?
- No, let's take yours.
- As you like.
I'll lockthe door.
Where do you live?
- In San Giovani.
- That's a bit of a distance.
It doesn't matter with a car like yours...
I'll let you drive, I'm sure you're a good driver.
Will it be safe here?
- We'll see.
- Let's go.
- Give me a kiss.
- What are you doing?
Take a hard right.
Careful with the car, it's brand new.
I'm going to change it soon.
I don't like it anymore.
That's the kind of guy I am.
Watch the pothole.
There are loads of them.
Thanks, I wouldn't have noticed.
Watch the dog!
We've passed San Giovani, is it far now?
.
No, I live right there.
Here we are.
I'm sorry, but about the money...
How much is it?
Why?
You don't knowthe prices?
No, it's just that I'm not really rich.
Now you tell me!
Excuse me for a second.
Take your time.
I'm coming, mother.
It's late!
- It's my mother.
- You want me to call mine?
That'd make our engagement official!
You are so funny...
Mother doesn't like this too much, I'd better say goodbye.
I hope I'll see you again.
Sure, you'll introduce me to your aunt!
Wait!
- A little peck?
.
- Dream on!
Back off!
. 
Go away!
You in a hurry?
Bye, ma'am!
Be quiet!
Well, I see her point.
Every night, it's the same thing.
What will the neighbors say?
It's not my fault, mother.
I leave the bar at 2.10 am and the last bus is at 2.
I'm not going to spend 2000 liras on cabs every night.
I don't really enjoy being called a bastard every night.
Poor dad!
I feel sorry for him.
I understand why you got 7 years!
Damn! 
This guy is starting to get on my nerves!
Shut up!
Here's the floor cloth you wanted.
- What are you going to do?
- Shut him up!
It wasn't easy, but I got the authorization to let your husband out for 2 days.
- Are you happy?
- It's better than nothing.
You knowthat good behavior in prison can't erase the crimes he committed.
If it hadn't been so serious, you wouldn't have got these 2 days.
Come in.
- Graziano!
- Virginia!
What's going on?
Here, Pompei.
- You're on leave for 2 days.
- Really? 
Why?
Your mother wants to see you.
- She's old and...
- What's the matter?
- Her heart.
- I'm not surprised.
I can't be at peace for 7 years.
Thanks anyway.
You should thank her.
She did the paperwork.
She must love your mother.
- You don't argue anymore?
- No, it's been a while.
We won't keep you any longer, sir.
Thankthe authorities for me.
I feel sorry for you, always locked up in here.
It's a gift from God!
Hi, Graziano.
I'm glad to see you again.
So am I!
Who are you, by the way?
Homer.
Poor Bonari's brother.
I was sorry to send him to kingdom come, but...
- Are you in the choir?
- I'm with the sopranos.
I was really sad, believe me.
- He slept with a married woman.
- It's not proper.
Especially when it's Graziano's.
I have no resentment.
It's over now.
And you, are you all right?
You seem tense.
- What's that?
- It's suede.
- What's your line of work?
.
- Business. 
Very successful.
- That's what women say.
- Congratulations.
Bye, kids.
See you later.
If mama doesn't die, we'll have a party!
Nobody sings like I do, you know!
.
It's me, Graziano.
Mama, it's me, Graziano.
Do you recognize me?
What's the big deal?
I've been lying in bed for a month.
I've had 7 control visits because of you.
- You're not dying?
- You wish.
If I were a man, I'd show you.
I'll bury you all.
She doesn't look sick.
She's fit as a fiddle.
What a woman!
You put on an act because you wanted to see me?
Me? 
The less I see you the better I feel.
Your father spent 15 years in prison.
I wish he would have stayed here.
But your wife wanted to see you.
She was longing for some...
That's love for you!
Let's play cards.
- OK, I deal.
- 50 liras a card.
Double for the kings.
I've been playing cards for 4 years with my mates in prison.
So, if I may...
Excuse me, I'll be right back.
Come, Virginia.
You're leaving me on my own?
- Yes.
- Thank you!
Four years is a long time.
Try to understand.
Make an effort.
Try to see this from my perspective.
Mama, play patience while you wait for me.
One last kiss for my wife and I'm all yours.
Goodbye, Virginia.
Take care of yourself.
Graziano!
I was glad to see you!
So was I!
- Who are you?
- Homer.
- Graziano, I've got to talkto you.
- In 3 years.
- Here, Graziano.
- My snack. 
Thanks, love.
If I get beaten up, I'll find you.
Bye, love!
Are you okay?
Bye everyone!
When are you going to tell him?
In about 20 days.
You're pregnant?
You're really expecting a baby?
My baby?
Of course, who else's?
In 9 months, I'll be a father?
Maybe a bit earlier.
Like you, you were born at 7 months.
That's right.
Sir!
I, Graziano, I'm having a baby!
- My wife is pregnant!
- Good for you.
I'm expecting a baby!
When I get out of here,
I'll sing him to sleep.
Come here!
Graziano! 
Let me go!
It's not a nursery here!
Shut up!
This guy's no gift of nature!
Bring out your rags!
Bring out your rags!
Bring out your rags!
Come on up!
What are you selling?
Come on up.
Last floor.
I'm coming!
Shit!
Those fancy guys don't know howto park!
They thinkthey own the street.
Closed!
The lift is only for residents.
It only opens with a key.
If you use the staircase, wipe your feet.
The lift is reserved for those people!
The poor worker has to use the stairs and not mess them up!
What have I done?
It opens like that?
Well...
What the heck...
I'm sorry.
Did you hurt yourself?
I just tripped.
With all these rugs...
You're out of breath?
You kidding?
I just climbed up 5 floors.
You live here?
What's 5 floors for a strong man like you?
I still had to climb them.
Come here and rest for a while.
I'm all right!
Please, sit down.
Checkthis out!
The curtains!
The silverware!
I was just having a snack.
You shack up in a palace!
You live a good life.
I do my best.
Right, you do your best!
With all the stuff you got here, you live on a million a month, easy.
Look at this.
It must cost at least 10 000 liras, maybe more.
What is that?
It's nice.
And the paintings, framed and all.
It looks great!
There's a light underneath!
You've got to fixthat one.
- Would you like something?
- I won't say no.
So...
What's that, the tiny black beads?
- Caviar.
- What?
I don't like that? 
And this?
Not bad.
Swell even, if that's what you call a snack.
I don't like anchovy.
That's a snack?
.
What's lunch for you, then?
Look what I eat.
Mortadella sandwich.
That's not fair!
It's mine!
Calm down!
The world's not the way it should be.
Go ahead, help yourself!
.
Some just have it all.
The Chinese are right, the bourgeois should be executed.
Except you, maybe.
Thanks for counting me out.
I hope you will speak out for me to the Chinese.
What else could I want?
There's butter and coffee.
Let's eat and enjoy!
The worker is having a break.
Let's try some anchovy.
Funny, those lights under the paintings.
Come with me.
I'm too busy.
Come here, you'll be much more comfortable.
One for the road.
One never knows.
Life is wonderful!
The toasts are good, but they're too small.
- Do you smoke?
- Yes, I do. 
Give me that.
What brand are those?
Muratti! 
They're good, but they're too expensive for me.
Keep them.
How many are there?
10, 12, 13, 14 15.
You've smoked 5 since this morning!
Got a match?
You mourning someone?
You're all dressed in black.
- You crazy?
- You don't like this?
Of course not, you're burning me.
Just you try it!
Do it to me.
Do the same thing to me.
You're alone here?
Why?
What do you have in mind?
I was just asking.
I wouldn't leave you home alone.
Nice lighter...
Stop, you're tickling me.
I was saying, nice lighter.
What's that?
- Chocolates, you want some?
- Not now.
I'm smoking.
I'll take a few for later.
Only 2 or 3, they're heavy on my stomach.
It gives me heartburn, some sort of ulcer...
What horrible stories!
Do you have anything livelier to tell?
You know, I live a dog's life.
I run all over the place, work like crazy.
All that trouble for a piece of bread this big...
You want to sleep with me?
I'm not against it.
Why didn't you ask straight away?
Your husband is old?
Don't bite me!
Stop it!
I've got feathers in my nose.
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
Please hold me tight.
Watch it!
- Stop.
- Why?
- Be rude.
- What do you mean?
I beg you, be rough. 
Shout.
You're totally insane!
What do you want me to shout?
- Whatever, but shout!
- What, for example?
Bring out your rags!
I can't believe how heavy you are.
You should go easy on the snacks.
You're really heavy!
Where is it? 
Bring out your rags!
Mind your head.
Bring out your rags!
You don't have a light.
Is this the old man's picture?
You look like a cuckold.
Hurry up!
If you want to see me again, you know where to find me.
- Bye, darling.
- And the rags?
- What rags?
- The rags!
Why did you call me from your window, then?
Fool! 
You still don't understand why I asked you to come up?
That's the best one yet!
Fancy people...
The Chinese are right, you're all crazy.
I climb 5 floors and you don't give me anything!
You make me sick!
You won't be seeing me around!
Margherita !
What's going on?
You were supposed to meet me at the front door.
Not to draw a crowd!
You weren't coming.
I thought you changed your mind.
No! 
But there's no need to tell the whole neighborhood!
Who cares?
I could be your boyfriend.
Here, boyfriends ride Vespas.
Will you back off!
.
And turn off the radio!
Swear you won't tell anyone.
Who do you think I am?
I'm a gentleman.
Don't touch my mirror.
You're all the same, you can't keep your mouthes shut.
Isn't it Adalgisa?
Yes. 
Stupid!
- She's going to see us.
- Let's ignore her.
I slept with her once and now she keeps calling me all the time.
Charming!
And you call yourself a gentleman?
How discreet.
Why are you telling me this?
Sorry, I didn't mean to.
I knew it.
Adalgisa told me.
- She didn't mean to.
- Nothing to brag about.
You must be desperate to go out with a girl like that.
I agree, she's not bright.
So why do you date her?
Me? 
Don't believe all she tells you.
This is our first romantic day together.
Give me a smile.
And leave that mirror alone!
The car is all yours. 
Change the oil and wash it, as usual.
Fine.
You'll be busy for an hour at least?
Here we are.
You can get out of the car. 
Come on.
What? 
It's here?
What about him?
Aren't you asking him in?
- Don't be silly, I live here!
- You live in Piazza Navona.
We can't sleep in my mother's bed!
Nor in the bed where you make all your conquests.
I'm sure you didn't change the sheets.
- It'll take 2 minutes.
- Sure.
I could do your laundry as well!
I don't want mechanics to see me go into a bachelor flat!
- Margherita, calm down...
- Not here!
Let's go elsewhere!
What will people think if I do something like that?
Right now, I'm the one who looks like a fool.
I poured a bit more than 1000 liras, is that alright?
Don't worry, here's your 1000 liras.
You like it, or you want one with revolving doors?
Do you have some identification?
Not even your driving license?
- Only a pay-slip.
- We'll try and convince them.
Come on, get out.
Let's go elsewhere!
I couldn't do it in front of Saint Peter's!
If you've decided to avoid churches in Rome, you'll die a virgin.
I'm a Catholic myself and I respect churches
- but we're not in the sacristy.
- You're right.
- You must think I'm annoying.
- Nonsense!
But you see?
It would feel weird to imagine a priest sleeping in the next room.
His life is less complicated than mine.
Where are you going?
I don't know.
But not to this hotel.
I'll send you a note!
What's on your mind?
Same thing that's on yours.
Aren't you ashamed?
Remove your hand, The police are here.
It's not against the highway code.
Yes it is. 
There's a sign:
"No parking".
That's a good one.
Hello, gentlemen.
How are you?
Couldn't you find a more annoying horn?
I didn't have time to change it.
- Where are we going?
- Trust me.
You don't want to be seen, I know a quiet corner.
Damned wind!
I just came from the hairdresser's.
Why, you know I'm a naughty boy!
Stop it! 
Calm down!
What's that?
What is it?
Atrain and a car collided.
Was it serious?
See what's left.
Poor car!
No, that's the railcar!
Here we are!
The quietest corner around Rome.
- What if someone sees us?
- We'll cut his tongue off!
.
Very funny.
I read in the paper that some maniac attacked a couple.
The girl was raped and he...
He ran away.
I know, it was me, not the fiancé but the maniac.
Sorry, but I'm afraid.
If a man points a gun at you, take your clothes off!
.
- I wouldn't have the choice.
- I should have brought a gun.
Over here!
Sweetie!
Renato!
- What is it?
- It's just a rabbit.
That's what you say.
Please, let's go.
- Anywhere but here.
- What a fuss!
- Damn!
- Don't get angry!
- Kiss me!
- I want to but not here.
Let's go somewhere else.
You knowthe story of the hanged man?
He didn't want to be hanged, so in front of each tree, he said: "not that one".
You're just like him.
No, I'm not.
I just need somewhere quiet.
I can be quiet anywhere.
Your place, here, at the hotel, in the street, anywhere!
- Let's go.
- You keep changing your mind.
- Come on, once and for all!
- Don't get mad.
Fine, let's go.
- Damn seat!
- What are you doing?
Guess!
I'm trying to fixthat seat.
- My finger!
- Are you hurt? 
Let me see.
Don't worry.
One kiss and it's over.
Won't work!
Damned seat, it worked fine yesterday.
Yesterday?
You were with someone else?
No, I was asked to take a wounded man to the hospital.
Let's see...
- It's stuck.
- It doesn't work?
.
Can you fix it?
You can't fix it?
You'll see right away.
It's an automatic seat, it straightens in a second.
You're such a rude guy!
Renato! 
Someone's coming!
- So what?
- I told you.
Oh dear!
- You need a hand?
- No, thanks.
The seat is stuck?
.
Just like a good old bed!
If you can wait,
I'll buy you a drink.
Between two drinks, we'll crack jokes.
But not now!
.
Good luck.
They come petting, then they give themselves airs!
Did you manage?
- Go get...
- Stop it!
Don't swear.
Think what you want, but shut up.
If I were to say what I think,
The troopers would blush!
Let's go.
I know how this day is going to end.
Stop touching the mirror, get it?
See how you drive?
Mind your own business!
They're right.
Straighten up, Renato!
You can lie down too.
Aren't you comfortable?
Just like I was in bed.
- Where are we going?
- Over there.
Watch out!
Don't lean over me.
You found it, that quiet corner of yours!
Appearances can be deceptive.
There's loads of cars and no one there!
Eating is not the only thing people do here.
The restaurant isn't what brings people here.
It's well-organized.
But they'll serve you food if you want to eat?
- Of course, why?
- I'm starving.
- You choose.
- Here.
After you.
I'd like to take a nap.
Good idea, let's get a nice room.
I really want to sleep, nothing more.
You shouldn't make love right after lunch.
- You can die from it.
- You can die if you don't!
You're kidding, but I'm serious.
One of our acquaintances, who worked for the T.V he died from it.
- What a way to go.
- You're so selfish.
Can you imagine, me, alone with your corpse?
I can't believe it!
You imagine you get raped and now you see me dead.
Maybe you read too many horror stories?
You said you were tired.
So let's get some rest.
You get some rest and then we'll see.
Shall we go?
Shall we?
Let's go.
Come on!
Wait!
I don't like the waiter.
So what?
He's not going to sleep with you.
You'll think I'm being fussy, but I'd rather go to the motel we saw on our way here.
Why?
It's nice and quiet here.
It's a posh place, all the rich Romans come here.
Let's go to the motel.
You don't like it here?
Let's go, then.
Are you happy?
Sorry, my Lady, I'll never learn...
Next time, I'll cough.
My bag...
Please, don't provoke me.
What I like best about you is your smile.
Look at that.
They've found a solution.
Lucky you!
You go first.
Work it all out, I'll join you.
Work what out?
We ask for a room, that's all.
What if they refuse, if there's no vacancy?
Fine.
I'm going, but I've had enough.
If you don't join me, you're walking the whole way back.
Why wouldn't I?
I told you I would.
- You're such a lout!
- Fine.
May I help you?
Bitte, can I have a room?
My Frau in the car, need sleep, rest, quick.
If she's under age, she's not coming in.
Under age!
That would beat all.
7000 liras, in advance.
7000, that's cheap.
Here you go.
Showthis gentleman to his room.
- Are you busy?
- Don't mention it. 
Are you alone?
- No, my wife is in the car.
- Good!
The key.
You can come in this way.
You don't like it?
I like it.
As long as people like me.
Why did you say "good" when I said I wasn't by myself?
Usually people come here with company, but sometimes they're alone.
So they try to...
Don't you like it?
I do, I'm only human, but not with just anybody.
It's only fair, you're a beautiful girl...
You have a right to choose.
Only with someone you like.
Come here!
What are you doing?
- Let me go.
- Right...
Come back in the morning, I have less workthen.
All right, next time I'll come early.
- They're expecting me!
- Me too!
Hurry up!
You could have been a bit quicker!
Sometimes it takes time to do things right.
We're not going anymore?
I changed my mind, It's too crowded.
People could recognize you, let's go!
- You're so rude!
- Are you hurt?
One kiss, and it's all over!
You keep me waiting for an hour, and then we leave.
We'll come back another day, morning's best.
The staff is less busy, you can take your time.
- I'll bring you a book.
- What for?
So you can read while you wait.
To kill time.
Watch out, reverse!
Hold on!
And now forward, Hold on tight!
I warned you.

CIRCUS WORLD
Matt
Let the ghost be.
Its fourteen years.
It's time you buried the dead.
They're buried, Cap.
Bust you wanna walk over their grave again, to make sure.
Got a great idea:
European Tour.
- What do you say?
- It's no good.
Berlin, Madrid, Paris, Vienna, Budapest.
They got a nice sound.
Europe's just a big Jonah for American circuses.
- They were in for the money.
- And you ain't?
I love a circus.
Matt, Lili's gone.
Forget her.
When she ran out that night it was over.
Like that puff of wind.
It's gone.
Matt,
Let it stay that way.
Got a lot to do tomorrow, Cap.
Ladies and gentlemen!
You have witnessed our last performance of the season.
Tomorrow our circus bids goodbye to its native land,
The U.S.A., and sails for Europe
To raise our tents in all its capitals.
At this time the ushers sell tickets four our attraction.
Tonight, we invite you to be Our guests.
And now, the greatest Wild West Showin' the World!
On your mark.
And now!
The Great Stage Coach robbery!
You are now about to witness a race between man and a beast.
Ladies and gentlemen!
The Roman Race!
Toni, are you all right?
- Are you hurt?
- No.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Are you all right?
- Yes.
- Get the next act on, Cap!
- Yes, sir.
- Have May drive for Toni.
- Right!
Are you sure you are O.K?
Yes.
What happened?
There was a bird in the tent.
Ladies and gentlemen,
We offer you tonight,
A cast of daring, with hair raising feats of skill.
Still seeing things?
It was there, that's why I slipped.
A bird in the tent is one of the worst omens.
Superstitions have no sense.
It's unreal, Toni.
It's a make-believe world?
What's wrong with a Make-believe world?
It's for weak people, To hide in.
I'm not hiding in anything.
Look that rabbit's foot around your neck!
Horse hair in your handkerchief and owl feathers.
You can't perform like that.
It's dangerous.
Those are good omens, Matt.
Like you.
Your are a good omen.
All good omens make good things happen.
I raised you wrong.
No, you haven't.
You raised me as good as any real father could.
What are you afraid of, Toni?
Almost everything. 
I was scared of going to Europe.
This morning I found milk white butterfly.
That means I'll have a wonderful trip.
A butterfly is a moth.
A moth means moth holes.
Omens, hexes, voo doo,...
It's all bunkum.
I'll prove it to you.
Oh, no - bread and butter!
Please!
- Leave the hat there.
- On the bed!
Leave it there, Toni.
Now!
Now I'm going to bust a ten dollar mirror.
I'll prove you that omens are for crazy heads.
It doesn't count if you do it on purpose. 
Don't be scared.
Scared?
That mirror business is all bunkum.
Well!
It's a good thing...
It was a Stetson.
You can't say I didn't try.
Matt, I don't worry about omens when you're around.
Because when you love somebody, nothing can hurt you.
And, I love you, Matt.
You sure cheer a fella up.
You better get to finishing your packing.
I'll got Steve to pick you up.
I'm glad you found that
Lousy milk white butterfly.
That was a lot of yelling you were doing to Toni.
Family discussion.
You can't deny that there was a bird in that tent
The night that Alfredo fell and her ma ran out.
You got anything else on your mind?
Yes, Lili.
If you're going to Europe, you start thinking about her.
She's liable to come out to get a look at her daughter.
We'll take care of it.
Why don't you mind our own business!
You got a circus to get moving.
Steve!
Glad you signed for the tour.
You shouldn't be.
- Bad news?
- Are you up to hearing it?
I was weaned on it.
I was thinking about trying to talk you out of this tour.
Then I figured, just let him go bust and I'll be around...
You'd step in: 
New acts, new flags in the tent,
New money thrown at you.
You're not sore?
Why? 
That's the way I started ten years ago.
Got tired of being a rodeo bum, grabbed an expiring big top -
Kicked everybody out and took over.
That's exactly my plan.
I've been clear, Matt.
You want to fire me?
No, you'd better stick around.
I'll feel better if I know there's a new genius around.
Will you bring Toni to the ship?
Say, Matt...
You wouldn't consider skipping this
European thing?
I'm asking as a friend.
Thanks for saying that, Steve.
Shows you've got a big heart...
almost as big as your head.
Ship leaves at two.
Hello, boss!
Come in.
Steve!
Matt asked me to come by and take you to the ship.
Come in. 
I'll be ready in a few minutes.
Come in. 
Come.
This is almost my favorite.
Don't you ever get tired of looking at the same stuff?
Oh, Steve! 
Look at this one.
Where he's holding me over his head.
I've seen it fifty times.
Alfredo, famed circus star,
Starts training daughter Toni for a trapeze career.
Toni will be the greatest of the flying Alfredos.
- Says Father.
- Says Father.
That's something new?
Yes, I put it in last week.
Isn't he sweet Looking?
He's a Saint who watches over the beautiful souls in Paradise.
You know? 
That's where Alfredo is.
What are those things?
Owl feathers.
They protect you from falling.
Paradise is pretty high up.
You know? 
I think you're a little crazy.
Come on, Toni! 
Finish packing, will you?
What's this?
Too small for you, aren't they?
My first birthday present from my Uncle Aldo.
They're cute! 
Hurry up, Toni!
I haven't got all night.
I'll hurry, if you'll take me to the party.
There's no chance.
It's no place for kids.
Kids!
I'm a Sicilian woman!
You ever hear of a vendetta'?
Stop making those faces!
It makes you Look nutty.
Sicilians are sensitive and proud like horses.
You just remember that.
When you insult a Sicilian it's for all his life, and yours.
That's a 'vendetta.
Thank you, very much for the information.
Now, are you coming, or not?
Go by yourself.
Go on.
- Go!
- All right!
Steve!
Steve!
I hope you get seasick.
All the way.
Take her all the way up.
That's it. 
Hold it.
All right, swing it in.
Take it in.
Come on, there!
You did it!
That's my point!
Let it ride, boys!
Fifty! 
Cover me!
Snake eyes!
Pardon me. 
I'm Billy Hannegan of Billboard Magazine.
Aren't you the daughter of the world's most renowned artists,
- The Flying Alfredos?
- Yes.
I knew it, I knew it the first time I saw you.
Oh, Lili's beautiful face and the carriage it's unmistakable.
Did you know my father?
We were great chums, yeah.
- Any news of your mother?
- I don't talk about her.
It's been fourteen years since she disappeared, hasn't it?
I don't know.
I think it has.
The night since your father had his fatal accident, fourteen years to the day.
You've never heard from your mother since that sad night?
Well, if it isn't my old pal Hannegan!
If there's anything I'm gonna miss in Europe
..it's the Billboard and Hannegan.
- Bring me a cup of coffee.
- Yes, Matt.
But, coffee is on board.
You're spoiling a good feature story, Matt.
- The story is dead.
- Not this one, my friend.
It's just coming alive:
Will the renowned Lili Alfredo come out of hiding to greet her lovely daughter?
- Shake down.
- Oh, no, no, no.
There's a real tear in it.
How much will Billboard pay for this tear.
Well, if I let myself go
I might fill 25 dollars worth of space with it.
Here's fifty.
Write it for me. 
Send it to Matt Masters, Europe.
That's very good of you, Matt.
I appreciate talent.
- I don't deserve it.
- I agree.
The key to the city.
Barcelona is yours.
Thank you, very much.
Ladies and gentlemen!
The slide for Life!
Here.
I'm all right.
Bring out those cargo knots.
Get them over the side.
Get a move on!
Bring out those cargo nets!
The cargo nets!
Hi, Simba!
Oh, boy, oh, boy.
Whoa, boy!
Easy, easy.
Yah!
Get in the cage!
Get back in the cage!
Cap!
Swing that boom around.
Give me a line.
Okay.
Will you swing that boom right over to him?
How's Toni? 
Where's Toni?
She's all right.
She's on a lifeboat.
If we lose that canvas we re out of business.
Look, your honor.
Tell him that we've got divers down in the hold, right now,
Looking for the safe and the cash boxes.
We're doing the best we can.
Explain that to him.
He says, they Looking for the safe and the cash boxes.
We're very sorry,...
- You wait here. 
I go.
- No, no, no.
That's where I'm going.
You wait here.
He won't give me the feed for the animals until he get paid.
- Well, keep talking.
- I've been talking, Matt.
He's 'muy simpatico, he's very sorry.
But he's also got a family to feed.
Keep conversing with him.
We've got the divers
- coming up, maybe.
- Sir...
The Port Master said, with the deepest sympathy he's sorry but it is necessary that your ship be removed as soon as possible.
I understand him, and I sympathize with him, and we'll remove it as soon as possible.
He says, he's very grateful...
I hate to bother you right now, but... could you help them?
They're broke, nothing to eat.
No place to sleep.
Honey, how can I...?
You got any money?
Well...no.
- Pio?
- No.
And you, Toni?
Me? 
Nothing.
Same here. 
Haven't got a nickel, not a 'sou, not a peseta.
- Mr. Masters.
- Yes, Your Honor?
The Port Master says, and believe me, he deeply regrets, that if you do not remove the ship, it becomes the responsibility of the Port Authority.
It might be most expensive for you if they...
Let him take it, salvage it.
You're welcome to it.
I hope there'll be a Little left for our expenses.
I see no solution.
Matt! 
Matt!
They just brought up some of the boxes.
Isn't that a picture of my mother?
Yes, it is.
Here, pay the men, and get some meat for those cats.
Spread this among the artists and get them something to eat.
Yes, Matt.
Looks Like he's trying to work off his miseries.
Miseries he's got, all his animals are boarded in Spain.
And still he's trying to kill himself.
Hey, Toni! 
Toni, I've got it!
That's a part of the act that made him a star, remember?
He used to jump off the hotel roof and make his getaway?
If he's thinking what I'm thinking, it's time to talk.
Come on!
Hey, Matt!
You've got a few minutes?
What do you want?
Well, while you're still able to talk,
I'd like to hear you say when we're going home.
I'm not going home.
But, you can't stay here.
You're broke.
I'm not broke. 
I got myself a job with Ed Purdy.
You got a job with Ed Purdy!
When a fella's out of work he gets himself a job.
No with Ed Purdy, you don't.
Back home you got friends, you got contacts,
You can hook something good for all of us.
Well, I only asked for a job for myself.
I'm in no position to ask favors to anyone else.
You all can go or stay, as you please.
What about you, Toni?
You wanna go home?
Home... is where you are.
What about you?
I thought you were going to stick around.
Where're you going?
Where do you suppose?
I'm going to see Purdy about getting a job and I'll settle for a partnership you and me.
That's a very attractive offer, Mr. McCabe.
A fella doesn't very often get a chance to go in partnership with a horse-riding pauper.
Right now you need a partner.
You figuring on being a partner to me or anybody you'd go out and earn it.
Among the things I'm good at, taking advice from elders.
I'll go with you.
Elders! 
Partners!
That Texas punk!
You should have belted him.
Why don't you be a good boy, take your hat in your hand, go over to Purdy and see if you can borrow some equipment.
- Old Ed Purdy!
- That's right.
He better be careful the way he talks to me!
I knew that phoney when...
If he tries to pull anything on me, I'll show him!
Come on!
Sure not causing much excitement.
It's pretty dreary.
Kind of quiet, huh?
Yep.
- Wanna change it?
- How?
Let's go into the opening act.
You gotta be kidding!
Just take the cue, boy.
- What's happening?
- Just hang on.
What?
Matt Masters!
You're not going to...
Oh, yes, we are.
Let's go!
Steve, stop it!
Steve!
Matt!
Knock on that!
Thank you.
Monsieur, je vous en prie.
Une photo.
Why not?
Attention!
C'est tout!
Je vous remercie, monsieur.
Monsieur American, Matt Masters I artiste celebrant 'Wild West heroiquement arrete une coach de Deadwood Dick
En Champs Elysees.
Bravo, Matt Masters!
Premier artiste de la Far West!
Purdy was sore at you when he saw that crowd tonight.
Why didn't you tell him it was your idea?
He might have made you a partner!
You've had your jokes.
You've finished your dinner.
Do you want me to answer these telegrams or not?
Ones Hagenbeck in Copenhagen.
There's one from London Associated Shows.
Can use your animals.
How much?
' Have a spot for Liberty Horses.
How much?
- Answering?
- Sure.
What are you trying, get me drunk?
To be frank, yes.
That way you might say a few words about our secret future.
Well, you don't have to get me drunk,
I'm gonna build a new show.
I'll never use that word again, but when do we sail?
We don't. 
We stay right here.
You can't build a circus here.
There ain't five Frenchmen that can sit a horse.
Always thinking of a dog and pony show.
All the big acts came from Europe, the home of circus!
Belgium, Germany, France...
The big name families:
The Hannefords, the Bradnas, the people that spell Circus.
They were born here, so I figured that while we're taking this tour at Purdy's expense we can pick up a few of these great acts, and build a real show.
Matt, I'm for it! 
That's new thinking.
Showmanship, that's what I'm good at.
We can latch on to them before Barnum, before Sells-Flot all the rest. 
Say, Medrano Circus is in town.
I'll go over and see if they got anything good enough for the new Master-McCabe United Shows.
I might be a silent partner, but I'm a partner.
You mind if I go?
If you can stand him.
At least he gives me top billing.
Listen, not that I'm gonna object to anything, anymore, but I wanna get this straight, we stay with Purdy for the rest of the European playdates,
And in our spare time we visit carnivals and look and look?
That's about the size of it.
I look, and look.
And you're gonna find Lili.
Sure! 
Lili Alfredo!
That's why we're in Europe.
You still Love her.
Why don't you get drunk!
You plastered this Continent with cablegrams for two years:
Where's Lili?
Not for me, for Toni. 
I stopped Looking when Toni was four.
You're still Looking.
Get this in that empty head of yours!
If Lili's alive, I couldn't less;
and if she's dead,
I'm not mourning her.
Alive or dead, she's gone.
- Where are you going?
- To get some fresh air.
It's too hot in here from that torch you're carrying.
- Aren't they wonderful?
- Yeah.
That Little girl is wonderful too.
- Tojo, I'm delighted.
- Glad to see you, Mr. Masters.
Thank you.
We've heard about your terrible misfortune.
I understand you're Looking for some acts for a new circus.
That's what I wanna talk to you about.
Would you Like to come in?
Please?
Thank you.
I'll take this stuff off.
- All right.
- I'll only be a minute.
Take your time.
Hello.
- What's your name?
- Giovanna, sir.
I bet you Love the ballet?
Yes, sir, I do.
I've been studying a long time, since I was five.
That make-believe wire act you do is beautiful.
Thank you, sir.
I wondered, could you really walk a high wire?
- I've never tried, sir.
- That's too bad.
It'd wonderful if you could...
Ballet dancing on a wire.
The ballerina and the clown in the hinge wire act.
Interested, Tojo?
Yes, very much.
Uncle Tojo will teach me.
I will be very good.
- Honest.
- I believe you.
Still the fine showman,
Eh, Matt?
- Aldo.
- Yes.
Aldo Alfredo, formerly of...
the Three Alfredos.
Where's Lili?
Haven't you heard from her?
- Where's Lili?
- I don't know.
The Last time I saw her was in Copenhagen.
She was working in a show under another name.
When I went over to speak to her, she ran away.
I don't know if it's true, but now I hear she is in...
Hamburg.
I suppose you're not interested any more?
In the ballerina and the clown on the high wire?
I'm not buying trouble.
Matt, there'll be no trouble.
I'm only interested in Giovanna's future.
Well, well, well!
Looks Like you finally found something.
- Aldo Alfredo!
- Cap Carson.
You can't give this guy a job!
It's Like hiring your own executioner!
The story of my brother is forgotten, the vendetta over.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Isn't she Lovely!
- Beautiful.
- You're Toni Alfredo?
- Yes, I am.
Toni, I'd Like to meet my niece:
Giovanna.
- hello.
- hello.
And I'm Tojo, the clown.
How do you do? 
I saw you dancing.
You're Lovely.
It will be much better on the high wire.
Please, Mr. Masters!
Will you take us?
That's, is up to your uncle.
Giovanna and I will be very happy to join you.
- Wont we?
- Yes.
It looks like we've hired our selves an act, and if you don't change your mind, we winter in Madrid.
See you there.
Good luck.
No, it's bad Luck to wish good Luck.
You kick them, and say:
Break a leg .
Of course. 
Break a Leg.
Giovanna, work hard.
I will, I promise.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Wait here.
I'm gonna talk to this act.
Is there something you want?
I'd Like to talk to Mr. Schuman when it's convenient.
I'm Mrs. Schuman.
What do you want?
I'm Matt Masters.
We're getting together a circus...
I know, you don't need to tell me.
Everybody knows.
News travels fast in Circus World.
I guess that answers all the questions except one:
Are you interested?
Listen,
Emile has been doing this act for three seasons now.
Every season they ask for more lions to be sitting on him,
I mean lying down on him.
Emile is getting very tired of Lions.
I can't blame him.
But I have something else in mind.
- What?
- Tigers.
Tigers!
You want me to lie down in the cage and the tigers Lie on top of me?
No, monsieur!
Emile! 
No snap judgment.
Every time a lion drops on me
I'm playing Russian Roulette.
But tigers?
No, monsieur, no!
Let's get down to business.
I bought these Lions for Emile.
If you expect me to buy...
We have plenty of tigers.
All right, then.
I'll speak to my husband, until he makes the right decision.
Good. 
Thank you.
Emile, das ist unseren grosste chance.
Du shusste as machen, Emile.
Isn't she Lovely?
Lili's girl.
She's beautiful, huh?
Hello, Mr. Masters.
You don't remember me, I bet.
Flo Hunt, tumbling act.
That's me! 
Broke me back.
No more cartwheels.
Got married. 
Four kids.
Easier work.
- I'm wardrobe here.
- Good.
The girls are longing to meet you.
Fritzie, Ann...
Ladies.
I was telling them about Toni.
Haven't seen her since she was five.
I recognized her.
Same beautiful face as Lili.
Fritzie knows Lili.
Oh, a tragedy that Lili.
Maybe seeing her daughter will help?
Seeing her?
You mean, she hasn't?
But she's here in Hamburg.
Lili?
Don't worry.
She'll turn up.
Yes, in Leipzig she talked all the time about Toni.
Do you have Lili's address, Flo?
I knew where she lived a month ago.
But I meant to write.
Mr. Masters...
Pardon me.
Be right back.
My husband says:
No tigers.
- I'm sorry.
- But I like the idea.
Its new faces in the act.
So, don't worry.
I know how to handle him.
He always does the right thing.
Thanks. 
Aman is lucky to have a smart woman to guide him.
- Thank you.
- I'll expect your news.
You will?
I got it! 
Let me write it down.
- A beer.
- Ja vohl.
I'm looking for someone.
This picture was taken some time ago. 
Have you seen her?
That's Margot.
She's around sometimes.
Well, good. 
Maybe you could give me her address.
Her address?
She's living upstairs.
Well,... is she now?
No, she ha been gone for a few days.
Could I Look at her room?
- It's not hers.
- Why does he hide it?
- I don't know.
I don't know.
Maybe he's cheating on his taxes.
You got me all wrong.
He robs the government and deserves to be robbed himself.
So will you wait? 
I'll be back.
Okay. 
We'll wait behind the factory.
Okay.
The girl's an idiot!
Aunt Victoria!
I'm here.
You'll never win at Indianapolis!
Never!
Got that?
You'll never win, I tell you!
Odile!
- I'll win!
- It's me, Odile and South America!
- Here I am.
- Is Mr. Stolz's driver here?
- No one's around.
- What a nuisance. 
He's always late.
No answer. 
One of these days the boss will have a fit.
What boss?
Mr. Stolz?
Still seeing that boy?
What boy?
Franz?
No, he dropped the course.
He says England's done for and it's the Chinese who'll win.
So he's studying Chinese.
Someday I'll check that you're not going to the movies.
I hate movies.
- The theater, then.
- I hate theater.
- Or dancing at Mimi Pinson's.
- I hate that, too.
Or strolling on the boulevards.
I hate the boulevards.
What do you love, then?
I don't know.
I love nature.
Where are you going?
To a reception at the Albanian Embassy.
I'm taking 1,000 francs to do some shopping.
1,000 francs...
Been in Mr. Stolz's room today or yesterday?
Me? 
I never go in there.
How strange.
Something's out of place.
I missed it this morning.
Maybe he moved the furniture around.
Not at all.
Did he say he wanted his coat cleaned?
That must be it. 
He forget to tell us.
I'll ask him about it.
Have a nice evening. 
I'm off.
"Tragedy of Disappointed Love!
Myriam, 21, stabs her artist lover in his studio in southern Paris.
He'd wanted to be alone."
"Orleans... 
- A third man holds the key to the killings.
He'd received a package from Jacqueline, who was later found dead with her baby.
He was seen driving a black Chevrolet."
"'She treated me like a servant,' said the lumberjack, husband of the missing chatelaine.
Murder, say the police.
But Roger claims she ran away.
In slippers... 
A fruitless search..."
"'I hate you,' the fiendish Huguette told her lover in the car that led to the killers' arrest.
She couldn't forgive his flirting..."
"He prepared breakfast for his wife and daughters before killing them, then taking his own life."
Rajah!
Hello, boy!
No appetite?
Don't want it?
"From our correspondent:
Unimaginable massacres in East Africa.
Hutus have sawed off the legs of giant Tutsis, their former masters, to bring them down to size.
Rwanda's rivers are choked with the bodies of 20,000 victims.
The king, 7'2 " tall, has fled the country.
Peking supports the kingdom of giants."
Franz!
- Over here!
- How much money did she say?
A big pile, she said.
Maybe 40 or 50 wads of bills.
Could be 200 million.
Still, I wonder why she told me.
She's not all there.
Why call Franz and not me?
It's dumb, but I forgot your name.
Is it Alfred or Arthur?
Drive me to Vincennes.
It's cold. 
I'll take the Metro.
Good idea.
We'll work out a plan in a café
Why a plan?
A thought crossed Odile's mind like a dark cloud:
Arthur would always look at her like a shadow masking his view, as if an ocean of indifference lay between them.
- You having what?
- A Coca-Cola.
"You-hav-ing-what? 
Co-ca-Co-la." It doesn't rhyme.
I'll have a peppermint soda.
A schnapps and a Coca-Cola.
And a peppermint soda!
You seem to be having dark thoughts.
You said it.
Well, I saw it.
- Saw what?
- The money.
When I first told you about it, I hadn't seen it.
But now I have.
There's too much. 
I'm scared.
So this time, it's for real.
Why did you tell him?
That was a lousy thing to do.
Got 20 francs?
Give.
He guessed it.
I didn't say a thing.
This isn't your first lie either.
He tell you he killed his grandma with a hammer?
- Really?
- No. 
Second lie.
- Why'd you say that?
- To scare you.
There's a run in your stocking.
No, there isn't.
What were you two saying?
Just talking about the weather.
- Tell me where his room is.
- Whose room?
Mr. Stolz.
So where is it?
On the second floor?
Does he lock the door?
But I'm not allowed to go in.
- How much is there?
- I don't know.
I told you already.
Don't be afraid.
You should've counted it.
Think big.
- I don't want to.
Then you shouldn't have told us.
You're a drag.
You're our accomplice now.
Don't cry.
Now that we love each other, everything will be fine.
Franz will help us.
Better to be rich and happy than poor and unhappy.
- We could do it tonight?
- Not tonight.
Mr. Stolz should be back.
Tomorrow.
He has a reception.
Tomorrow or the day after.
It's the day after, I think, yes.
Is it yes or no?
Day after tomorrow, then.
Be right back.
Strange that his room's unlocked.
Not at all.
Sometimes things are best hidden in full view of everyone.
I read an American book where that happened.
The police were looking for a letter.
The thief left it lying on the table.
KEEP YOURYOUTHFUL EYES
"It's not only your looks, but your happiness, too.
Good eye care depends on you."
- Hurry up.
- Get lost.
Join us, miss?
- Got connections at Renault?
- No, why?
Too bad. 
You could've traded in your dumb looks for a car.
So what do we do now?
What do we do?
I don't know.
Or rather, I say I don't know, but I do know.
Hand me that thing in my coat.
In the pocket.
This?
Look.
Put your hand around the ball.
Nothing's happening.
The liquid should flow to the other side.
Okay.
If there's nothing to say, let's have a minute of silence.
You can really be dumb sometimes.
A minute of silence can be a long time.
A real minute of silence takes forever.
Okay. 
One, two, three...
That's enough.
I'll put a record on.
Why is Franz staying?
Does he go everywhere with you?
In case anyone takes a shot at you.
It's like in the movies.
He'd make a good shield.
What a horrible thing to say.
Shall we dance?
Sure. 
What?
No, I prefer this.
Okay, let's go.
Empires crumble, republics founder.
But fools go on.
- Bravo, Mr. Segalot. 
That's real furniture!
Now is the time for a digression in which to describe our heroes' feelings.
Arthur keeps watching his feet, but his mind's on Odile's mouth and her romantic kisses.
Odile is wondering if the boys notice her breasts moving under her sweater.
Franz thinks of everything and nothing.
He wonders if the world is becoming a dream or if the dream is becoming the world.
Arthur tossed a coin to see who'd get Odile.
He called heads.
Odile yelled heads, the coin showed tails.
Franz took the car and drove around, sad and lonely, his gaze feverish.
Meanwhile, on the city outskirts, Arthur told Odile how he once met a fellow who walked this way...
What's your family name, Arthur?
Rimbaud.
Like my father.
That little old man who was spying on us?
That's my uncle. 
My father's dead.
How much is the Mauser?
- Two francs.
How would you feel if a live man was in your sights, like in battle?
I feel that if there was one, right now he'd be dead.
Let's go home.
Don't take advantage of me.
I love you.
Can I have my target?
Already?
- Lightning struck.
Arthur said such love talk was crap.
Odile said she'd blurted it out but meant it.
Then they walked down to Place Clichy, one of the loveliest squares at night.
It brought them back to the present, the past, and their intrepid future.
Whereupon they went down into the center of the earth.
You change girlfriends often?
What makes you say that?
Franz said you had a different girl every day.
What do you see in me?
And you in me?
I don't know.
A husband.
Is that what interests you?
What exactly does it mean to you?
It means offering your breasts and your thighs.
People in the Metro always look so sad and lonely.
Look at that one.
Why that expression?
It's whatever you imagine.
His look will change depending on your story.
Say he's taking a teddy bear home to his sick daughter and he'll seem okay.
But he'll look mean if you think he's carrying TNT to blow up the country.
It reminds me of a song.
How does it go again?
I saw so many depart like that
All they'd ask for was a light
They settled for so little
They had so little anger in them
I hear their steps, I hear their voices
Speaking of things quite banal
Like things you read in the papers
Like things you say evenings at home
What are they doing to you, men and women
You tender stones worn down too soon
Your appearances broken
My heart goes out at the sight of you
Things are what they are
From time to time the earth trembles
Misfortune only misfortune resembles
So deep, so deep, so deep
You long to believe in blue skies
It's a feeling I know quite well
I still believe at certain times
I still believe, I must admit
But I can't believe my ears
Oh, yes, I'm very much your peer
I am just the same as you
Like you, like a grain of sand
Like the blood forever spilt
Like the fingers always wounded
Yes, I am your fellow creature
- And what's your family name?
- Odile Monod.
Like it?
- It's the wrong tone.
- What tone?
- Monod-tone.
See you.
- When do I see you again?
- Tomorrow night.
- It's too risky.
- You love me. 
So tomorrow.
Had Franz been there, he'd have understood the look behind the glass.
Her mind was on events, not men.
The mystery ofher face would only strike him afterward.
For now, the present was ordinary.
"Racing. 
Monaco: 5-2."
- Who's that girl?
- Screw you.
Don't talk like that to me.
- Where'd you meet her?
- Dunno. 
In an English class.
- Where does she live?
- Out nearJoinville.
Tell her we need that money.
Get plastered at Chaillot, you madwoman!
Roger!
- Don't mess with me. 
I did Indochina.
- Okay, I'll explain.
As a cease-fire, Arthur told his uncle he'd do thejob with them the next night.
He swore not to tell Franz or Odile.
The situation's clear enough.
But what isn't clear is the part I personally have to play in it.
We have to do it tonight.
Wasn't it tomorrow?
We'll pick up Odile on the way.
Why tonight? 
Isn't that risky?
You shouldn't have blabbed to my uncle.
Me? 
Blab what?
Dunno. 
Just hurry up.
The hell with it.
But it's gotta be tonight.
Hurry up.
Death's too good for you.
Why are you afraid of me?
Because you look tense and cruel.
Are you alone?
Arthur's in the car.
He asked how much money there is.
- I don't know.
- Didn't you count it?
I'm scared. 
There's so much.
Too much to count fast.
- What denomination?
- All 10,000-franc notes.
- We're doing it tonight.
- Not tonight. 
You can't.
Especially after the coat business.
- What coat?
Madame Victoria's suspicious.
I forgot to put the coat back.
It's nothing.
That's what you think.
How will you do it?
You stand watch at the door.
It'll be over in two minutes.
It'll be child's play.
It won't happen like that.
I know it won't.
- But it will.
- That's what you say.
What happens when Mr. Stolz finds the money gone?
Use your imagination.
You don't have to stay there.
You told the old lady we met in class?
Too bad. 
She'll suspect me.
I'll make something up, anything.
That I saw prowlers outside.
So you do have imagination.
That's true.
I'll leave with you and Arthur.
We have to split up.
You can go with Arthur, if you want.
Or with me.
Where will you go?
To South America?
No, I'm going north.
ToJack London country.
He wrote some terrific books.
There's one about an Indian who's a big liar, but really big!
He's such a liar that the villagers, fed up, say:
"Go. 
Come back when you stop lying."
They send him off in a canoe and he travels for two years.
He comes home and everybody asks how his trip was.
He says: "Great, I saw these huge machines rolling along going...
There were others that flew like this...
And there were these great big houses."
They all look at him and say:
"As big a liar as ever!"
So they send him off in a canoe again, this time for good.
Odile looked away.
The wind ruffled her dark curls.
Franz was speechless.
He stood there, sensing something warm and scented.
Then, feeling nothing was clear, he looked up and saw her eyes speaking the words they had exchanged.
Where will you go?
If you come with me, I'd go to South America.
We could get an Italian boat in Nice.
I don't know. 
I'll see.
- I'd go if I were you.
- Why?
You won't stand up to Mr. Stolz's questions.
Sure I will.
- You'll get the seesaw.
- What's that?
They tie your arms and knees to a bar.
You're upside down with your skirt over your head.
After two or three days, you'll give us away.
I'll never give you away.
Neither of you. 
Never.
I'll wait for you with Arthur.
I'll just fetch my bag.
At an embankment book stand,
Franz bought the novel which reminded him ofher.
The Seine resembled a Corot.
Odile asked what the big white building was. 
The Louvre.
She said it was smart to paint it white, that the guy who did it should be decorated.
Listen to this.
"Anglarè a moving, stupid and somber tale.
A man enters a hotel and asks for a room.
He is given room 35.
Coming down a few minutes later, he tells the clerk:
'I have a bad memory, so every time I come in,
I'll tell you my name... 
- Delouit... - and you say my room number.
The clerk agrees.
Shortly after, he returns and says: 'Mr. Delouit.'
'Room 35.' 'Thank you.'
A moment later, a man, extremely agitated, covered in mud, his face bloodied beyond recognition, stumbles in.
'Mr. 
Delouit.' 'What? 
Mr. Delouit just went up.'
'Yes, but I fell out the window.
My room number, please?"'
Arthur said they'd wait till nightfall, in keeping with the tradition ofbad B movies.
"How do we kill time?"Odile asked.
Franz had read of an American who took 9 min. 45 sec.
To visit the Louvre.
They decided to do better.
In 9 min. 43 sec., Arthur, Odile and Franz broke the record set byJimmyJohnson of San Francisco.
The car, doing a steady 28 knots, drove toward Joinville.
While Franz whistled lyrically,
Odile gazed at Arthur tenderly.
Henceforth, the three of them felt that nothing could stop them now.
Under a crystal sky, Arthur, Odile and Franz crossed bridges over impassive rivers.
Nothing moved on the palace front.
The water was stagnant.
A taste of ashes floated in the air.
What do I say about the bike?
That you fell and had to hitch home.
Your mind made up?
I'll go the usual way.
You go around across the river.
Which door do we use?
The garage door, I said.
You have to be told everything twice.
And afterwards?
Stay a bit to see what they do.
Old man Stolz may call the cops.
They're not that old, you know.
Then you can clear out, miss.
You tired of me now?
Of course not.
Where will I go?
We'll find you a spot.
In an hour it'll all be over.
We'll be miles away.
Take off your stockings.
- What for?
Stop arguing.
And don't frown like that.
It'll give you wrinkles.
- If Madame Victoria...
- Lure her into the kitchen.
Tell her you smell gas, something like that.
- She'll get scared.
- We have no choice.
- You won't hurt her?
- No, we're not thugs.
- Promise.
- Sure.
I felt sorry for her when she said "And afterwards?"
Why?
We're doing her a favor.
Saving her from a lifetime of drudgery.
Did you see?
Her thighs are so white.
- I saw.
How come there are no cop cars around?
They must've spotted you.
They're testing a new idiot detector.
- She said you weren't lovers.
- I told you she's a liar.
- Where'd she go?
- I wonder. 
Stupid bitch!
So there you are.
- Don't make noise.
- She here?
In the bathroom.
- The window open?
- Why?
Because I asked you.
They say night air is good for the skin.
What about the dog?
I told him not to bark.
He won't be a problem.
Why are you holding your stomach?
Because I kicked him.
He was scared.
Upstairs, end of the hall.
I have to tell you something.
You can tell us later.
Upstairs?
What's with the door?
It won't open.
- Is it locked?
- It can't be.
It's never locked.
I'll try it.
Maybe they lock it at night without telling you.
It can't be.
He must be suspicious.
That's what I wanted to tell you.
No doubt about it, it's locked.
And the window?
We should've had a ladder ready.
Go get one.
There's one in the garage.
I'll get the keys from the kitchen.
They're hanging on a nail.
- Why not break the window?
- You can do it.
Idiot!
- Stop it!
I'll teach you!
Hands off Odile from now on!
- You okay?
- I'm okay!
You mad at me?
You didn't have to hit me.
I'm as surprised as you that the door was locked.
Why do you suppose it's locked... if it never was before?
Get off my back!
It's because of the coat.
I told you already.
Yeah... 
Just our luck.
Find the key by tomorrow.
Please, it's too dangerous.
You'll find it.
We'll be back tomorrow, same time.
It better be open.
See you tomorrow.
Franz would have given a lot...
His gold watch, his American books, his two hands, he didn't know exactly...
But he would have given a lot to console Odile.
One only had to look at her to realize the world was crumbling around her.
This is crazy. 
We'll be spotted.
We'll say we're TV people.
TV is the open sesame.
So, got the key?
- It's not 5:00 yet.
- We're in a hurry.
Anyway, it's no good now.
You left traces with the ladder.
When I came home, all the locks were changed.
Mr. Stolz's room, the windows, the doors.
Did she say anything?
She doesn't suspect me yet.
Get out of here, please.
Help!
Get out!
Odile, tell them to leave.
I don't know what to do.
Please don't hurt her.
The key to Mr. Stolz's room.
You're wasting your time.
He has nothing of value.
We want to see for ourselves.
Okay. 
The key.
You can't scare me. 
It's not loaded.
Tie her up.
- With what?
- Where's your hair ribbon?
No, Franz, no!
I'm warning you, I mean business.
Lie facedown.
Tie her arms in back.
You know these men?
I've never seen them before.
Any cotton in the bathroom?
I don't know.
Go look.
Not in my mouth. 
I won't scream.
Please. 
I promise I won't make trouble.
Shut the hell up, ma'am.
Please forgive me, Madame Victoria.
Forgive me.
I trusted you and you do this to me.
Open the closet.
Open your mouth.
We'll hide her here.
Old man Stolz won't find her so fast.
Say she went out to see someone.
Clear out first chance you get.
Stay here. 
I'm going up.
You're completely nuts!
Why don't you love me?
This is hardly the time.
I want to hold you in my arms.
What is it now?
The money's gone.
This all? 
Where's the money?
How should I know? 
I don't know.
Let's search the place.
This was in the garage.
And this in the tub, and this in Odile's room.
Where'd she go?
Check the fridge.
It's a housewife's safe.
Where's the rest of it?
I don't know.
You were right. 
I found this.
Was the pile this big?
- No, bigger.
- This big?
Yes, like that.
That's enough. 
Let's go.
We'll make that goose talk.
Don't hurt her.
She'll have to tell us the truth.
Just threaten her.
- Okay.
Tell us where the money is or we'll torch the house.
She fainted.
She's not breathing.
She's dead.
- You killed her!
We better beat it.
Odile, darling! 
Let's go.
Arthur suddenly wanted to go back.
To make sure, he said in an odd voice, that the lady was really dead, just to avoid any problems.
They'd meet at the Tout Va Bien, a café
Suddenly, Franz saw the uncle's car.
Like the hero of a legendary romance, he suddenly had a dark foreboding.
Despite Odile's pleadings, he did a U-turn and the car obediently retraced its route.
Hey, asshole!
Arthur's dying thought was of Odile's face.
As a dark fog descended on him, he saw that fabled bird of Indian legend, which is born without feet, and thus can never alight.
It sleeps in the high winds, and is only visible when it dies.
When its transparent wings, longer than an eagle's, fold in, it fits in the palm of your hand.
- You want to get us killed?
- Absolutely.
What's got into you?
I'm disgusted with life.
We didn't make out so bad.
Nothing to get dramatic about.
But I feel terrible.
So do I.
Why don't you close the hood?
It doesn't close.
Think Mr. Stolz will call the police?
Not likely. 
It's money he stole from the government.
Isn't it?
- Yes, it is.
Isn't it strange how people never form a whole?
In what way?
They never come together.
They remain separate.
Each goes his own way, distrustful and tragic.
Even when they're together, in big buildings, or in the street.
Don't feel like talking?
When I said I wanted to hold you back there, were you listening?
Yes, I was.
But you're still sad?
I'm not as sad as all that.
Then what are you?
I'm worn out from sorrow and fatigue.
What will you do then?
And you?
I can't decide between the north and the south.
You decide.
I... me... myself... us.
I... you... yourself... you.
His... their... your... our... their...
South.
Three days later, Odile and Franz saw the sea.
It looked like a theater, with the horizon as its stage, and beyond it nothing but sky.
Before the gently spreading waves of this harmony,
Franz and Odile saw neither limits nor contradictions.
Are there lions in Brazil?
As well as croc... 
Odiles.
Thinking of me?
Obviously.
In what way?
The way you think about me.
When guys think of girls, they think about their eyes, legs and breasts.
Girls think of guys in exactly the same way.
So we're in love?
We'll see soon enough.
Put your hand around the ball.
The liquid should flow across... if you love me.
My story ends here, like in a pulp novel, at that superb moment when nothing weakens, nothing wears away, nothing wanes.
An upcoming film will reveal, in CinemaScope and Technicolor, the tropical adventures of Odile and Franz.

Ah.
Leave him.
He's stays there.
( dramatic theme playing )
Tod, for heaven's sake.
Be quiet.
Now this man can have any reasonable comforts that don't endanger the rest of us.
Hey, Dad, you're a real tiger.
Stay away from him until the police arrive.
Is that understood?
Well, you certainly come on strong.
Maybe you'd be more comfortable on the bus.
No. 
I-
- I think it's kind of exciting out here.
Stop!
TOD:
I could have shot you dead.
I tried to escape and you stopped me.
Now isn't that something to be proud of?
I'd like to turn you over alive.
But try another break and I'll kill you.
NARRATOR:
( dramatic theme playing )
A QM Production.
Starring David Janssen as Dr. Richard Kimble.
An innocent victim of blind justice, falsely convicted for the murder of his wife, reprieved by fate when a train wreck freed him en route to the death house.
Freed him to hide in lonely desperation, to change his identity, to toil at many jobs.
Freed him to search for a one-armed man he saw leave the scene of the crime.
Freed him to run before the relentless pursuit of the police lieutenant obsessed with his capture.
ANNOUNCER:
The guest stars in tonight's story:
Lee Bowman,
Elizabeth Allen,
Phyllis Thaxter.
ANNOUNCER:
( mysterious theme playing )
Hey.
Now, put it back.
It belongs to a friend of mine.
( suspenseful theme playing )
Catch, fink.
NARRATOR:
Never chase a thief.
Not if your own fear of capture is probably greater than his.
Even in the fashionable remoteness of Indian Lake Lodge, that fear haunts this clerk, who calls himself Stu Manning.
In other times, Richard Kimble might have enjoyed vacationing here.
But there is no vacation for a fugitive.
( suspenseful theme playing )
Who is it?
I'm almost afraid to say.
( sighs )
Get out of here, Stu.
I already have a headache.
Can I fix you a cup of coffee?
After last night?
No thanks.
You'd probably poison it.
Now, I have no hard feelings about last night.
To prove that I'll even fix your tire for you.
My tire?
You've got a flat tire.
Here, lock this up.
Somebody tried to steal it.
But, uh-
- I've got to go to Hazelton today.
I--
I can't have a flat.
You got a spare?
I don't have a spare anything.
Well, I'm sure you'll think of a way to get your friend in Hazelton to buy you one.
Bob, where's Manning?
He says he's going to check the heater at the pool, Mr. Platt and then go up and close cottage 12.
Uh, go get him, will you?
Bring him in.
I want to see him right away.
Andy, step in here a minute, will you?
Heh.
( ladies giggle )
( giggles )
Yay.
We won. 
We won.
Yeah, I got the prize.
Hey, I'm sorry we beat you so bad.
You want a return match later?
( giggles )
Well, you got a good forehand but we ought to do a little work on your overhand.
Now, don't...
What do you mean "don't"?
WOMAN:
I'm going to go change for a swim.
I'll see you later, doll.
( suspenseful theme playing )
Excuse me, Mrs. Langner, uh, have you seen Stuart Manning?
No, I haven't.
Are you all right, Mr. Langner?
Ah. 
Yeah, I, uh--
My, uh-- My shoelace was loose.
Yeah, I-- I'm fine, thanks.
Hi.
We played five sets.
Sit down, Tod.
You look exhausted.
Oh, uh,
Mr. Street....
Would you be good enough to prepare my bill?
I've decided to check out.
Yes, Mrs. Langner, right away.
Mr. Langner.
Enid, why?
We were going to stay two weeks.
For the first time in 16 years we'd agreed on something.
( ladies giggle in background)
Are you, uh, going to swim with your playmates or do you want to have some lunch?
I've lost my appetite.
Poor, dear, you tire so easily.
I was going hunting tomorrow.
Hunting or chasing, darling?
What is it, Enid?
Jealousy.
Can't you ever say what you mean without the innuendoes?
It's all right, Tod, you've reached middle age.
That's not a disease, it's a fact of nature.
And I can't stay here and watch you trying to prove you're still a rollicking youth.
It's too embarrassing for both of us.
So I'm leaving.
Oh, but you stay if you want to, please.
I might take you up on that.
It's your vacation, really.
Only, darling, eat something.
Something with lots of protein.
Hey, Stu, did you see Mr. Platt?
They're looking for you.
Who's looking for me?
Hi, uh, Manning.
Would you, uh, step inside, please?
You know Sheriff Hornbeck, don't you, Manning?
Uh, Manning is it?
That's right.
Stu, the safe was robbed last night.
They got everything.
I think it happened while you were on duty.
Do you know anything about this, Mr. Manning?
No, I, uh--
I brought in the money from the bar in the restaurant, uh, in here about 11.
Then, uh, you know the combination?
No, the safe was open.
Open?
Well, uh.
I was in here at that time.
I never leave the safe open unless I'm in the office.
Did you let anyone in Mr. Manning?
Mr. Platt had a couple of friends in.
Well, yeah, Frank and George came by.
We went over to Eddie's house and played a little poker.
Well, there was a-a young kid in the parking lot just now, uh--
I chased him off.
He was trying to rob a car and--
Well, that's a coincidence.
Car thieves and safe-crackers seldom mix.
Now, whoever did this wouldn't hang around.
Unless, of course, it, uh, was an inside job.
We're taking fingerprints, Mr. Manning.
Whoever did it probably wiped the prints off the safe but we might come up with something.
Do you mind?
No.
Take him outside and do that, will you, Andy?
We'll get Mr. Platt and Mr. Street a little later just for comparison in case we find a strange one on the safe.
Jess, did you and the boys get snockered last night?
Well, I, uh...
I did a little drinking later on, Carl, but that has nothing to do with this.
You know, I, uh--
I could lose my job over this, you know.
This could finish me.
Mr. Street.
Now, we should get answers back from Cheyenne on those prints by say, uh, 5:00.
Now, no one should leave the hotel before then without permission.
Mr. Street, when you're finished here
I'd like you to get the names of anybody who checked out since noon yesterday.
Andy, I'll take over.
Get the equipment out of the car.
We'll dust the safe.
Put your finger right down there.
Clean it off.
Use this here.
Yes, h-hello, this is Stu Manning at the Lodge.
Would you send the bus, please?
One of our guests would like to leave.
A landslide?
How soon can you--
Yes, thank you, uh, that'll be fine.
Trouble?
Oh, uh, they've reported some landslides on the road.
Yeah, I know.
Who'd you call?
Well, our shuttle service to Hazelton.
One of our guests, Miss Crowell, has to get there this afternoon.
Is the bus coming up?
Yes, about 3:00, uh, if they get the road cleared.
I hope we don't get stuck up here.
I've got to bowl in a tournament tonight.
Bye, doll.
I'll see you sometime.
Hold my mail.
I'll be back in a couple of days.
Yes, ma'am.
Was I supposed to wait for you?
Uh, no, something came up.
Uh, thanks for stopping.
Find yourself a seat in the back and, uh, fasten your safety belt.
This road was like an obstacle course coming up.
Well, you don't always miss the bus, do you, Galahad?
Well, I got a call.
My sister's sick.
I'm sorry.
Hey, why did that cop search my bag when I left the hotel?
Did they go through your things?
The, uh, lodge was robbed last night.
No kidding.
They don't know who?
TOD:
No, it's anybody's guess.
All kinds of people coming and going up here.
Do you need an alibi, Galahad?
No, thanks.
I can just hear you telling them where you were between, say, uh, 6 and 10.
Hah.
Louanne, I don't want to spoil anything for you.
You got my opinion because you insisted on it.
Now, I'd like to just forget about it.
All right?
Ooh.
Oh, this is going to be a lovely little trip.
He said he'd be in his room, that's all.
In his room, that's all.
Well, he wasn't on the bus.
I was there when it--
Sheriff?
Andy.
Say, something interesting happened here.
You know Stu Manning, the clerk?
Yeah, well, sheriff, he's disappeared.
( suspenseful theme playing )
I hate to obligate myself, but I need a light.
Watch this.
Would you enjoy sitting further back in the bus, dear?
The older they are, the younger they wish.
You're different...now.
Wait till you lose that fatal charm.
Hah.
Ah, I can see you married to some tedious matron,
peeking behind her back at the legs that got away.
What are you looking forward to, Louanne?
Long skirts.
Would you like to spend a few days with Tom and Ethel at Carmel?
Now, why ask what I'd like to do?
Are you pouting?
No, this is getting to be par for the course.
I told you you were welcome to stay at Indian Lake.
I meant it.
Thanks, Enid.
I was waiting for that.
This time I think I'll take you up on it.
I'm putting you on the train at Hazelton and I'm going back.
All right, dear.
After all, it is your vacation.
Yeah, you said that before.
You know, you've got a great routine, Enid.
You deliver these ultimatums, then you try to cover up with a nice gesture.
I think I'll go in the back and have a smoke.
Excuse me.
Hang on.
( dramatic theme playing )
Well, what do you figure it is?
A landslide?
Wasn't here when I, uh, come up.
Huh.
Well, what do we do now?
I don't know.
Uh, looks like somebody's already gone to make a report.
Well, now, look,
I've got to get to Hazelton.
Get back in the bus and let me get us out of here.
MAN:
Hey, champ.
That your car?
Yeah, what's left of it.
Hey, what's the chances of me bumming a ride, huh?
All right.
You want to help me guide this thing while I turn it around?
You got yourself a deal.
( engine starts)
( suspenseful theme playing )
( honks )
How's your golf game, fink?
You can take one of the canyon roads, driver.
Well, I don't know.
They're pretty rough.
You called the cops, didn't you?
No.
Well, isn't that strange.
The hills are full of them.
Somebody robbed the hotel safe.
All right, that wasn't me, but this is.
Now, I've got to get to Hazelton and blow this scene.
So you keep your mouth shut, you dig?
( suspenseful theme playing )
Yes, sir.
Yes, I will.
No, sir.
No.
Well, how was I to know or--
Or you either, for that matter.
Well, I don't know.
We've searched all over here.
ANDY:
Well, it depends if he's on foot or how he's moving.
Yes, sir.
Yes, all right.
I'll tell them.
Wait a minute.
I'll talk to--
He rung off.
( sighs )
I should've talked to him.
I found the money.
You what?
You see, I remember it now.
Uh, although I don't exactly.
You see, uh, Frank and George came by here, picked me up but I guess we had a few drinks here before we went over to Eddie's house.
It, uh, was in the desk.
I've never put it in there before.
( sighs )
You sure it's all there?
Well, I'll-- I'll count it, sure.
Isn't that funny?
I mean, here I was thinking Stu Manning, you know--
That's a hot one.
Manning.
What?
Sheriff Hornbeck got an answer from those prints we sent to Cheyenne.
It seems your Mr. Stuart Manning is somebody else entirely.
( suspenseful theme playing )
Driver, don't you think we should go back to the Lodge and report the slide?
No, we can make it, lady.
The canyon roads are rough, but--
Look, I've got to get to Hazelton.
Well, we could make telephone calls from the Lodge.
Better make up our mind pretty quick.
Mrs. Langner.
We're all in a hurry.
Driver, if you feel the roads aren't that dangerous--
No, I'm game to try it if you are.
Better all keep our seats, though.
Don't want anyone hurt.
Tod, please speak to the driver.
We might all go over a cliff and be killed.
Enid, the boy wants to go through the canyon and he's carrying a gun.
Know what you are, Mom?
You're the prettiest girl on the bus.
But you been outvoted this time.
Slide it over, baby doll.
You I'll sit beside.
Beat it, punk.
You see what I mean?
That's your seat.
Where's your golf clubs, fink?
You don't want any more trouble, do you, kid?
Oh, what a wise guy you are.
Well, I have met all the types.
I can now safely say it.
All types.
Punks like him I can handle ten days a week but you are something else.
What are you, a compulsive rover boy?
Well, maybe I was saving him from you.
He's safe.
Unless, of course, you think he'd be willing to pay my hotel bill.
( music playing over radio )
NEWSCASTER ( over radio ):
Back to the music in five minutes.
Now the hourly newsbreak with Wes Haritage.
First, a report from the Legal Conference in London.
Word from General Milton B. Hanson...
Can you change that station?
Get some music or something.
and to the United States, whose security is dependent upon the system of Western Alliances.
If control of the seas is added to the vast
Soviet land powers, says the General, the problem of deterrence becomes impossible, even with our
( tires screech ) great nuclear delivery capability.
( crashes and stops )
In the National News, Senator Gormley announced today in Cheyenne that he is petitioning the Senate Appropriations Committee for two percent...
Well, we just busted the axle on that rock.
( radio announcement continues in background )
Ugh. 
Can it be fixed?
DRIVER:
No, lady, not here.
LOUANNE:
Well, can we get help?
Well, there's a ranger station in this canyon somewhere
And emergency telephones up along the road--
I'll, uh.
I'll go down the canyon, you hike up the road.
If we find a phone we'll call for help.
You stay with the women.
( continuing ):
...that a clerk who worked at Indian Lake Lodge under the name of Stuart Manning is in truth convicted wife-slayer Richard Kimble, former Indiana doctor.
Kimble disappeared from the lodge some time this afternoon, during investigation of a robbery which was later solved.
Fingerprints of possible suspects were taken, and his among them.
Kimble is thought to be somewhere between Indian Lake and Hazelton.
Police have blocked the canyon roads and are conducting a thorough search.
His capture is expected soon.
( dramatic theme playing )
TOD:
Stop.
MAN ( over radio ):
Car 6. 
Calling car 6, come in, please.
Car 6. 
Calling car 6, come in, please.
Andy here.
Well, they started work on the slide now.
No sign of Kimble.
Guess I'll take a ride down some canyon roads, okay?
Over.
MAN ( over radio ):
Roger, Andy.
Over and listening out.
TOD:
How long will it take to find help?
DRIVER:
I don't know, uh.
Two, three hours. 
Maybe longer.
Your wife wants to talk to you.
Oww.
TOD:
See what's wrong with his leg.
I know what's wrong with it.
That lousy fink twisted my knee.
Tod.
Go talk to her, bwana.
She's really shook up.
I'll handle this.
With fiendish delight.
Well, sing out if he starts to run.
I'll keep the gun.
Stu, you'll never know how much I've wanted to hurt you.
Take me out of here, Tod.
That's all I'm asking.
You can go with the driver.
Please.
"Please", Enid?
Isn't that my word?
Let the driver stay here.
It's his bus.
But he's my prisoner.
But you know nothing about guns and hoodlums.
Guns fire bullets, bullets kill.
Everybody knows that.
He can't walk.
Hold it.
I'll walk on it.
Just give me a little time, will you?
Ah, never mind.
Enid, the driver is leaving.
Do you want to go with him?
Better off alone, uh.
I'll make it twice as fast.
Let him go.
Call the sheriff as soon as you find a phone.
Man, you never know...
I mean, you don't look the type, you know.
I hate to disappoint you, but I didn't kill anyone.
Sure. 
The radio told a little white lie, that's all.
Let's forget it.
Hey, uh, when did this happen?
I mean, when did you do it?
What difference does it make?
Hey, man. 
I'm on your side.
I mean, you're on the run, right?
Hey, I bet you've been giving the heat a real cute time, huh?
I've stayed alive.
Hey, you know, uh, you're the one and only guy that's ever caught me stealing.
( laughs )
Isn't that a laugh?
My boy, he's an unpredictable man.
I don't want anyone to get hurt so stay away from him.
Yeah, you caught yourself a real big one, Dad.
Dead or alive, he's a real monster.
MAN ( over radio ):
Car 6. 
Calling car 6.
Come in, please.
Andy here.
Car 6 to headquarters.
MAN:
Andy, that shuttle bus from the lodge has never come back.
They just reported it missing.
You sure Kimble wasn't on it?
Over.
Yes, sheriff, I'm sure.
And I've checked all but three roads.
I just don't see any bus.
Keep looking, Andy, and keep a close check with me.
Roger.
Is that all the wood you could find?
I could've got more, Dad, if my knee wasn't all loused up.
Do you know what I've been doing for over an hour?
Trying to figure out why I hit you like that.
I've never hit a man before in my life.
What does that mean?
It means you don't need any practice.
You do pretty well.
Sure, uh, when your hands are tied.
Well, am I supposed to believe that, uh, you'd be afraid of me if they weren't tied?
Why don't you try believing I'm sorry?
For-
- For hitting me?
Forget it.
No.
I was really thinking about last night.
I started that fight.
Why?
I chased you out because, in the first place,
I can't risk a poor man.
In the second place, if you had stayed and walked out--
I can't risk a broken heart, either.
KIMBLE:
Why didn't you say that last night?
Maybe...
I was scared.
And now you're not?
No.
Now I'm protected by the law.
From a convicted killer.
From the gentlest man I ever knew.
You weren't kidding last night.
You know what kind of woman you need and you were reaching out for her.
Part of what hurt me was that I'm not that woman.
That wife of yours may have given you some headaches but you didn't kill her, Galahad.
You loved her.
Wow.
Miss Crowell, it's warmer over here.
He stays there.
Ah. 
Leave him.
He stays there.
Tod, for heaven's sake.
Be quiet.
Now, this man can have any reasonable comforts that don't endanger the rest of us.
Hey, Dad, you're a real tiger.
Stay away from him until the police arrive.
Is that understood?
ENID:
You're not a bully.
Stop behaving like one just because you have a gun in your hand.
TOD:
Shut up, Enid.
Please respect me just like the others are doing.
Give me the pistol, and then ask for my respect.
This man is a convicted murderer.
Isn't that enough?
You're gloating like an evil little boy.
I don't want your approval.
Just don't interfere.
Well, you certainly come on strong.
Maybe you'd be more comfortable on the bus.
LOUANNE:
Oh, no, I--
I think it's kind of exciting out here.
Stop.
TOD:
I could have shot you dead.
I tried to escape
And you stopped me.
Now, isn't that something to be proud of?
I'd like to turn you over alive.
Try another break and I'll kill you.
Hello?
Hello! 
Hello.
Yeah, hello, hello, hello.
Well, this is the driver of the shuttle bus from Hazelton that went to Indian Lake.
I want to report an emergency.
( dramatic theme playing )
LOUANNE:
I want to get a sweater, okay?
You sure quit fast when that gun went off.
Louanne, I have to stay alive.
There's someone I have to find.
Untie me.
I can't.
He's watching.
Maybe I can get him to give me the gun.
No, forget it.
I don't want him to hurt you.
Why did you have to be a nice guy?
Miss Crowell?
In a second.
There must be some way.
Try to get that kid to come in here.
I think I know enough about him to make some kind of a deal.
Louanne...
Hmm?
Be careful of Langner.
Galahad, any chance I take is for the only good reason I've ever had.
I can't figure that Kimble out.
I don't even know why I bothered to try.
He's smooth, baby.
He keeps his cool.
Would you help me with this, please?
Kimble wants to talk to you.
Go on inside.
Sweetheart, Big Daddy's not going to let nobody get on that bus.
Try.
How much longer do you think we're going to be here?
Ah, not much, I hope.
The police should be here soon.
Here you are.
Egh. 
I'm still chilly.
Ohh. 
Oh!
Enid.
I don't want anyone on the bus with him.
I'm quite uncomfortable out here.
We all are.
Now, please sit down.
I don't know, it's not really fun, but it's not as bad as it might be.
Got a cigarette?
Mrs. Langner, why don't you put a stop to that.
Anything I do will make it worse.
Well, he is your husband.
This isn't new.
He's just a little angrier at me than usual.
And she's in love with you.
Well, I think I'll go out and get some wood for the fire before it goes out.
Want to come?
I won't go far.
Man, here I am, young and eager.
Nothing.
She goes for you, man.
I guess it's true, huh?
They feel safer with older men.
If he tries to make a break, shoot him, do you hear?
Don't take any chances.
Shoot him.
You're the boss, Dad.
I'll, uh, help Miss Crowell.
Untie me.
I'll bring them back.
Isn't that what you planned?
I didn't plan for this to happen.
I asked you to stop them and you wouldn't.
Hi, Kemo Sabe.
Tonto get message.
My husband pretends to be a hero.
I know your girl is out there laughing at him now.
Laughing at me.
All right, Mom.
No.
I think I have a laugh or two coming myself.
When she gets back she's going to find out her little scheme didn't work.
Come on.
Man, I never counted on that chick.
Now, go, man.
All right, Mom, now, when Big Daddy gets back you tell him what happened
and you let him--
Now, drop the knife.
Man, what's wrong with you?
I waited an hour to do you a favor.
I'm on your side.
I don't want you on my side.
Why you lousy--
Now, drop the knife or I'll pull the trigger.
Go on.
Now, get out of here.
Here.
If he comes back, use it.
Go on.
( suspenseful theme playing )
( mysterious theme playing )
And you don't have any idea where he went?
He ran that way.
That's all I know.
All right.
Now, there's two more cars coming.
I'll radio one and have him pick up your passengers.
Come on, Andy.
He'll stay clear of the roads.
Oh, darkness will hold him up.
I'll have every officer in the area out there with their flashlight inside of 20 minutes.
You didn't put up much of a battle, did you, Mrs. Langner?
You didn't let my husband find you, did you, Miss Crowell?
No.
But what if I had?
I think you can answer that.
Richard Kimble got away.
That's my answer.
And he wasn't even in love with you.
Enid, the driver says the police are coming back to pick us up.
We better get our stuff together and be ready.
Yes, dear.
NARRATOR:
The difference between good and bad, between love and hate, is often elusive.
The difference between life and death for Richard Kimble is always simply his freedom to remain a fugitive.
( suspenseful theme playing )
( dramatic theme playing )

You have known The vanities of the world
And now rest peacefully In your grave
If they still weep in heaven Weep over my sorrow
And carry my tears To the throne of the Lord
Carry my tears To the throne of the Lord
Carlo is coming here
Yes!
He must leave and forget me now
To Posa I swore To watch over his days
He must follow his destiny Glory will shape it
As for me, my day has already Reached its evening!
France, noble land So loved in my youth!
Fontainebleau!
All my thoughts turn towards to you
There God heard my vow To love for eternity
And that eternity Lasted only one day
O enchanting gardens Of this Iberian land
If Carlos should ever wander here In the evenings
May the turf, the brooks The fountains, woods and blossoms
Sing of our love in harmony
Farewell! 
Farewell, golden dreams Lost illusions!
The knot has been cut The light snuffed out!
Farewell, yet again To the years of my youth!
Yielding to cruel pain The heart has only one desire:
The peace of the grave!
You who knew The vanities of the world
And now rest peacefully in your tomb
If they still weep in heaven Weep over my sorrow
And carry my tears To the throne of the Lord
Carry my tears To the throne of the Lord
Carry my tears To the throne of the Lord
If they still weep in heaven
Ah, lay my tears At the feet of the Lord
Love is a rebellious bird That nothing can tame
And calling it would simply be in vain As long as that bird could refuse
Neither threatening Nor pleading will work
One speaks, the other stays quiet
And it's the other that I prefer
He said nothing; but he pleases me
Love! 
Love!
Love is the child of the Bohemian It has never, never known any law
If you don't love me, I love you If I love you, keep guard of yourself!
If you don't love me...
If you don't love me, I love you!
But if I love you...
If I love you, keep guard of yourself!
If you don't love me...
If you don't love me, I love you!
But if I love you...
If I love you, keep guard of yourself!
The bird that you tried to surprise Has spread its wings and flown away
Love is far away, you must wait for it And once you stop waiting, there it is!
All around you, quickly, quickly It comes, goes, then it comes back!
You try to hold it, it avoids you You try to avoid it, it holds you!
Love! 
Love!
Love is the child of the Bohemian It has never, never known any law
If you don't love me, I love you If I love you, keep guard of yourself!
If you don't love me...
If you don't love me, I love you!
But if I love you...
If I love you, keep guard of yourself!
Near the ramparts of Seville At the home of my friend, Lillas Pastia
I will go to dance the Séguedilla And to drink Manzanilla
I will go to the home Of my friend, Lillas Pastia
Yes, but being alone is boring - The real pleasures are for two
So, to keep me company I will take away my lover
My lover, he has gone to the devil I threw him out yesterday!
My poor heart is comforted
My heart is free, like the air!
I have suitors by the dozen But they are not to my taste
Now the weekend has arrived Who wants to love me?
I will love him!
Who wants my soul?
It's for the taking
You're arriving at the right time!
I can hardly bear waiting any longer For my new lover
Near the ramparts of Seville At the home of my friend, Lillas Pastia
I will go to dance the Séguedilla And to drink Manzanilla
Tosca is a good falcon!
Surely by now my hounds Will have fallen on their double prey!
And tomorrow's dawn will see
Angelotti and the fine Mario Hanging from a noose
Is Tosca in the palace?
A chamberlain has just gone To look for her
Open the window
It is late
The Diva's still missing From the concert
And they strum gavottes
Wait for Tosca at the entrance
Tell her I shall expect her After the concert
Or better...
Give her this note
She will come for love of her Mario!
And for love of Mario She will yield to my pleasure
Such is the profound misery Of deep love...
I savour the violent conquest More than the soft surrender
I take no delight in sighs or vows Exchanged in misty moonlight
I know not how to draw harmony From guitars, horoscopes, or flowers
I am not given to flirtatious behaviour Or cooing like the turtle dove
I hunger, I pursue my desire
I take my fill, and then cast it by And seek new attractions
God made diverse beauties As he made diverse wines
And of these God-like works I mean to taste my full
- Spoletta's here 
- Show him in. 
In good time, too
Well, my fine man How did the hunt go?
Saint Ignatius help me!
We kept on the lady's trail
Following her to a lonely villa Lost in the woods
She entered there And soon came out alone
At once with my dogs I vaulted over the garden wall
And burst into the house
Well done, Spoletta!
I sniff... 
I scratch... 
I rummage
- And Angelotti?
- Nowhere to be found
Ah dog! 
Traitor! 
Nose of a snake To the gallows!
Jesus!
- The painter was there...
- Cavaradossi?
And he knows where the other is
He showed such taunting irony In every word and gesture
- That I arrested him 
- Not bad, not bad
He is there
Bring in the Cavalier
Fetch Roberti and the judge
- Such violence 
- Cavalier, please be seated
- I want to know...
- Be seated
I'll stand
As you wish
Are you aware that a prisoner...
Her voice!
Are you aware that a prisoner Fled today from Sant'Angelo Castle?
I did not know it
And yet it's reported That you sheltered him in Sant'Andrea
Gave him food and clothing...
Lies ...And took him to a place of yours On the outskirts of the city
- I deny that. 
What proof have you?
- A faithful servant...
The facts!
Who's my accuser?
In vain your spies ransacked my villa
- Proof that he is hidden well 
- Suspicions of a spy!
He laughed at our questions...
And I laugh still!
And I laugh still!
Beware! 
This is a place for tears!
Enough now
Answer me!
- Where is Angelotti?
- I don't know
- You deny you gave him food?
- I deny it
- And clothes? 
Refuge in your villa?
- I deny it
- And that he's hidden there?
- I deny it! 
I deny it!
Come, Cavalier, you must reflect
This stubbornness of yours Is not prudent
A prompt confession Saves enormous pain
Take my advice and tell me
Where is Angelotti?
- I don't know 
- For the last time, where is he?
I don't know
Oh, for a good whipping!
- Here she is!
- Mario, you here?
Of what you saw there, say nothing Or you will kill me!
Mario Cavaradossi
The judge awaits your testimony
First, the usual formalities And then... as I shall order
And now let's talk together Like good friends
Come now, don't look so frightened
I am not afraid
What about the fan?
That was foolish jealousy
So, the Attavanti was not at the villa?
No, he was alone
Alone?
Are you quite sure?
Nothing escapes a jealous eye Alone. 
Alone
- Indeed!
- Yes. 
Alone!
You protest too much! 
Perhaps you Fear you may betray yourself
Sciarrone What does the Cavalier have to say?
He denies everything
Keep pressing him!
You know it's quite useless
We shall see, Madam
It seems that one must lie To please you?
No, but the truth might shorten An extremely painful hour for him...
A painful hour? 
What do you mean?
What are you doing in that room?
It is force that carries out the law
Oh, God! 
What's happening?
What's happening?
Your lover's bound hand and foot A ring of hooked iron at his temples
So that they spurt blood At each denial
It isn't true! 
It isn't true!
Oh, sneering devil!
He groans! 
Oh, pity! 
Pity!
- It is up to you to save him 
- Good, good. 
But stop it! 
Stop it!
Stop it, Sciarrone!
Stop everything?
Everything
- And now the truth!
- Let me see him
No!
Mario!
Tosca!
Are they still torturing you?
No. 
Courage...
And be silent
I despise pain!
Come on, Tosca Speak!
I know nothing
Wasrt that enough for you?
Roberti, start again...
- No! 
Stop!
- Will you speak?
No, no! 
Ah, monster!
Murderer... you're killing him!
It's your silence that's killing him
Monster, do you laugh At this ghastly torment?
Tosca on the stage Was never more tragic!
Open the door So she can hear his groans better
I defy you
Harder! 
Harder!
- I defy you all!
- Speak now...
- What can I say?
- Come, speak...
Oh, I know nothing!
Must I lie to you?
- Where's Angelotti?
- No, no!
Speak up, come, quickly Where's he hiding?
I can stand no more Oh, horror!
Stop this torture...
It's more than I can bear...
I can stand no more...
No more...
- Mario, will you let me speak?
- No
- No 
- Listen, I can bear no more...
Fool! 
What do you know And what can you say?
Shut him up!
What have I ever done to you?
I am the one whom you are torturing
It is my spirit...
Yes, my spirit you are torturing
- In the well, in the garden...
- Angelotti is there?
Yes
Enough, Roberti!
- He has fainted!
- Murderer!
I want to see him
Bring him in here
Floria!
Beloved...
It is you?
How you have suffered Oh, my soul!
But this foul villain will pay for it!
Tosca, did you speak?
No, beloved...
Truly not?
No
In the well, in the garden Get him, Spoletta
- Ah, you have betrayed me!
- Mario!
Accursed woman!
- Excellency! 
Bad news!
- What are you looking worried about?
- It is news of defeat!
- How? 
Where? 
What defeat?
- At Marengo 
- Blockhead!
- Bonaparte has won!
- And Melas?
No. 
Melas has fled!
Victory! 
Victory!
The avenging dawn now rises To make the wicked tremble!
And liberty returns The scourge of tyrants!
Be still!
Have pity on me!
- I now rejoice in my own suffering...
- Go, shout your boasts!
- Your blood runs cold, hangman!
- Pour out the dregs of your vile soul!
Go, for you die The hangmars noose awaits you
Take him away!
Away!
Mario!
Mario, with you...
Not you!
Save him!
Me? 
You, rather!
My poor supper was interrupted
So downearted?
Come, my fair lady, sit down here
Shall we both try to find a way To save him together?
Well then, sit down And we shall talk
And first, a sip of wine
It comes from Spain
A sip to hearten you
- How much?
- How much?
What is your price?
Yes, they say that I am corrupt They say that I am corrupt
But it is not for money that I will Sell myself to beautiful women
No, no
It is not for money that I will Sell myself to beautiful women
I want other recompense
If I am to betray my oath of office
I have waited for this hour
Already in the past I burned with passion for the Diva
But tonight I have beheld you In a new role I had not seen before
Those tears of yours Were lava to my senses
And that fierce hatred Which your eyes shot at me
Only fanned the fire in my blood
Supple as a leopard You enwrapped your new lover
In that instant I vowed you would be mine!
Mine!
- Yes, I will have you...
- I'll jump out first!
- I hold your Mario in pawn!
- Oh, wretch... 
Oh, ghastly bargain...
I do you no violence
You are free
Go.
But your hope is in vain:
The Queen would merely Grant pardon to a corpse
- How you detest me!
- Ah! 
God!
Even so, even so I want you!
Don't touch me, devil!
I hate you! 
Fiend, base villain!
What does it matter?
Fits of anger or fits of passion...
- Foul villain!
- You are mine!
- Wretch!
- Mine!
- Help!
- Do you hear?
It is the drum that leads the way For the last march of the condemned
Time passes!
Are you aware of what dark work Is done down there?
They raise a gallows
By your wish, your Mario has But one more hour to live
I lived for art
I lived for love
I have never harmed a living soul!
Whatever misfortunes I encountered I have quietly tried to offer help
Always with true faith
My prayers rose in the holy chapels
Always with true faith
I brought flowers to the altars
In this hour of grief
Why, why, oh Lord
Why repay me this way?
I gave jewels For the Madonna's mantle
I gave my song to the stars in heaven And they shone more brilliantly
In this hour of grief
Why, why, oh Lord
Why repay me this way?
Look at me Oh, behold!
With clasped hands I beg you!
And utterly defeated I implore the help of your word!
Tosca you are Too beautiful and too loving
I yield to you And at a paltry price
You ask me for a life I ask of you an instant
Go, go, you fill me with loathing!
Who's there?
Excellency, Angelotti killed himself When we arrived
Well, then have him Hanged dead from the gibbet
- The other prisoner?
- The Cavalier Cavaradossi?
- Everything is ready, Excellency 
- God help me!
Wait
Well?
- Listen...
- I want him to be freed this instant
We must make a pretence I cannot openly grant pardon to him
All must believe the Cavalier is dead
- This trusted aide will see to it 
- How can I be sure?
By the orders I give him In your presence
Spoletta, shut the door
I have changed my mind
The prisoner shall be shot...
Wait a moment...
- As we did with Count Palmieri 
- An execution...
A sham one! 
As we did with Palmieri!
You understand?
- I understand 
- Go
I want to explain to him myself
As you wish You will let her pass...
And remember, at four o'clock
Yes. 
Like Palmieri
- I have kept my promise 
- Not yet
I want a safe conduct, so that he and I Can flee the State together
You want to leave?
Yes, forever
Your wish shall be granted
- And which road do you prefer?
- The shortest!
- Civitavecchia?
- Yes
Tosca, now you are mine at last!
- Accursed one!
- This is the kiss of Tosca!
Help! 
I am dying!
Help! 
I die!
- Is your blood choking you?
- Help!
- And killed by a woman!
- Help!
- Did you torment me enough?
- Help!
Can you still hear me? 
Speak!
Look at me! 
I am Tosca! 
Oh, Scarpia!
- Help!
- Is your blood choking you?
Die accursed!
Die!
Die!
Die!
He is dead!
And now I pardon him!
All Rome trembled before him!

Mr. Messer's private office, one moment, please.
Mr. Hopkins wishes to speak to you, Sir.
- Yes.
What's the matter?
You know quite well that I...
What's that?
Right here?
Hello!
Here speaks Edgar Wallace!
Everything alright, Shelby?
- You can come up but hurry up.
Good morning, my dear!
Mr. Higgins in?
Enter!
- Oh, I forgot to knock again!
I'm so sorry!
That's ok!
Oh that's a beautiful suit you're wearing, but rather tight?
Inspector Higgins is in the lab, developing.
Himself?
- No, a woman who didn't open... her refrigerator for 3 days.
- Oh!
Her husband deceived her!
And he was inside!
- Oh, hard warm?
How are you getting on with Higgie?
Ok?
In the office or in private, Miss Penton?
Hello, Jean!
This photo is a real knock out!
Have a look! 
It's a real bomb isn't it?
- Miss Penton is here!
Yes, that's right
Oh!
This is a pleasant surprise!
- Yes, it is. 
May I look at that bomb?
Yes, or no...
You'd better not.
The police photos I take... are usually somewhat shocking.
- I want to look!
Jerk!
But Elise...
Miss Osbourne, where's the...
I want to talk to you, Inspector!
Yes, Sir.
Well, Sir?
Why did you come in?
- You wanted to speak to me, Sir?
Oh yes!
It's about a woman!
- I hope a young one?
Yes, unfortunately dead!
Read the report!
The body was picked up near the docks at 6.30 am this morning.
The name of the woman found there is Gwenda Milton, 13 Barkley Street, London. 
She worked as a secretary to lawyer Maurice Messer.
Gwenda Milton?
- Yes, 21 years old.
No exterior signs of used force were found on her.
Aha, it was an accident, then?
- No, murder!
The woman didn't drown!
She was strangled before death.
This is the report of the autopsy.
By the way, it was sweet of you to wait for me, in spite of that photo.
I love you in spite of it!
Who cares if Scotland Yards most famous Detective...
That is what you are?
- Who told you that?
When Scotland Yards most famous Detective lost his driving licence... for driving too fast.
- Yes, yes, keep on reminding me... of that one!
Here, you nearly hit that cab, dear!
And why not? 
The only possibility of our being together longer... is in a double bed in the hospital!
I don't know what to say, Inspector.
I could hardly believe it!
Miss Milton is gone!
Last night she was here.
- How late?
It must have been about 9 pm, if I'm not mistaken.
She put a call through.
It must have been about 9:30 pm by then.
I was going to send her off, only... 
I found she was gone.
Do you know anything about her acquaintances, her personal life?
Miss Milton was my secretary.
We never talked about her private life!
Yes, I see. 
Then that's about all we can tell her relatives.
I didn't know that Miss Milton had relatives in England?
Well, not here, in Australia.
A brother, Arthur Milton.
Have you heard of him?
That name won't mean anything to you, because here in London he is known as... 
The Magician.
Why are you startled, Mr. Messer?
Now come, it's not pleasant to know... ones secretary's brother is a known criminal!
Milton isn't a criminal!
- Look, they banished him from England!
Because he led a few scoundrels to commit suicide.
Illegal yes, but it wasn't murder!
- However, he wouldn't be as stupid... as that coming back here?
He'd be imprisoned right away!
- Do you think so?
Wherever he is, he will come!
Yes!
Good day, gentlemen!
- Who are you? 
What do you want?
But Sir, Archibald Finch is my name.
You were my defence attorney in court, Sir. 
Don't you know me?
The kleptomaniac?
- I don't want to disturb you any longer.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Regards to Sir John. 
Sorry I couldn't be of any help, Inspector.
I'll see you off.
Well, what do you want, Finch?
You told me once that you would help me from the bottom, up the ladder.
Oh, dear!
I'm afraid you're a hopeless case!
Not at all, Sir. 
I have become a perfect butler from the time...
I came out of prison.
It says so here.
Just a souvenir, Sir. 
I swear!
Welcome my friends and protectors!
- Enough, Hopkins.
Come along!
What did I tell you to do with the woman, about the body?
Get rid of it?
- Yes, but there are hundreds of ways!
Who had the clever idea to throw her into the Thames?
I did! 
To drown is a natural death!
- Not for the police!
She was strangled first.
Don't interrupt me!
We don't want to arouse suspicion.
We can't do a thing right now!
But Sir, what's that got to do with us?
The little rat is whose concern?
- We have 2 dozen girls... to be delivered.
- But I think Mr. Messer is right!
Our man in Cairo is urging me to send them!
It means cash!
I told you we can't make a move, you fool. 
- You said that.
But why?
Because Gwenda Milton was the sister of The Magician!
Come, come, I know Mr. Messer very well.
He's a member of my club.
Suspecting him, would be like suspecting me!
You must consider that.
- I have, Sir John!
But I still suspect him!
Anyone can be suspected, even you!
But why?
Tea, Sir John.
Thank you, my dear.
Nice teapot.
Nervous?
- No, Sir.
You seem so.
You were about to say...
You just asked why I should suspect.
- And?
Instinct, Sir John!
- A prejudice of the lower salary group!
What now?
- If we don't get him, Arthur Milton will!
The Magician?
- Yes.
He manipulates things in his own way, but won't make exceptions.
He's not a member of your club.
What?
I see, yes.
Perhaps he hasn't heard of it!
- Maybe. 
I approved orders... to all Australian Newspapers to write about the murder of his sister!
Unsuccessfully, of course?
- Don't be so sure of that. 
Tomorrow, a Cora Ann Milton will arrive in London!
- Absurd, lnspector!
That remains to be seen!
Mrs. Milton?
- Yes, I am.
We are from Scotland Yard, Mr. Higgins and Sir John Walford.
It's a pleasure, Madam!
- It's also a pleasure for me.
Undoubtedly.
I suppose you have come for the funeral, Mrs. Milton?
And your husband didn't come?
Porter, please bring me my baggage.
- Yes, Madam!
Mister... what was your name?
- Higgins.
Higgins, I suppose you know... how difficult it is for my husband to come to England.
You must consider that, Inspector!
- Naturally, but, Madam, your husband is no less than The Magician!
- The Magician?
Arthur never liked this name, although it's completely incorrect.
Am I free to go now?
- Of course, but please be available... if Scotland Yard needs you.
I'll be at the Park Royal, but never before 11:00 am!
Taxi, please!
I'll be seeing you, gentlemen.
Charming, positively charming woman!
- Yes, but without The Magician!
Oh, don't worry about it.
- If The Magician does love her, he's near her, I'm sure of it!
From Sydney on, every passenger was checked and he wasn't aboard the plane.
Then he's already here!
- But he's on a warrant of arrest!
She was ill at ease all the time, she only smiled at her parting.
I wonder what made her smile?
- My dear young man, though I'm rather modest, men of my importance have always... impressed intellectual women!
- Yes, the porter! 
That's it!
He's disappeared!
- Yes, into the comfort station.
What? 
Then why didn't you arrest him?
- There must be a limit, Inspector!
Open up! 
Scotland Yard!
Come out with your hands in the air!
What are you doing here?
- Oh, what a question!
I saw this man at Mr. Messer's home!
- That's right, Sir.
I am his butler.
- What's that?
Australian news, for Mr. Messer!
Gentlemen!
Excuse me, but have you seen a porter around here?
Want one?
- Yes, but one in particular!
There was one, just a while ago.
And he climbed out of the window!
I wondered why.
That's all we needed!
I'm sure now, Sir John!
The Magician is in London!
Oh, what a nice surprise!
- They came an hour ago. 
Without a card.
Thank you, Madam.
I hope you have a pleasant visit here.
Yes, I hope so!
9 roses, and then 8 carnations, 3 hyacinth,
3 gladiola, 3 orchids.
9-8-3-3-3!
Hello?
Huh, Arthur, you were very daring, my sweet!
The Magician in London!
- Good morning, governor!
The Magician is back in London!
A special report, from special correspondence!
The Magician in London!
Read all about it!
Who's going to believe that trash?
- Oh. 
Go on!
So, now it's not only the police are tracking us.
The Magician!
I'm not afraid, we're not idiots and there are four of us!
We'll find a way!
Excuse me! 
I must inform you that...
- What?
The Magician is in London!
- We know that already!
He just registered as Tom Wesby in the Westminster Hotel.
Finch, who told you that?
- From the time I made my mistake,
I have certain connection, Sir, which will be useful to you!
- Thank you very much, Finch!
- May I also add, Miss Milton's funeral... will take place tomorrow at the central cemetery.
Mr. Wesby will no doubt try to attend!
I'm afraid The Magician won't live very much longer!
Nearby, Mrs. Milton, the clergy man, and Mr Messer, but that's all.
Hey, one moment!
Who brought this message?
If the job is done, we send the girls right away.
Yes, if...
Everything was perfect!
- The old house fell with a bang!
No one could escape from that.
I hope nobody saw you!
- No one. 
We heard the firemen... from the other side of the bridge.
- Yes it was precision work
Yes?
This message has just come!
Shall I serve Champagne now, Sir?
What's wrong?
Magician, Magician!
That man drives me mad!
Makes me loose my sleep!
- And position too, Sir John!
Naturally!
That too if we don't get him!
Easy for all to say that he should be found, but nobody has ever seen him!
Oh yes, there is a person who has seen him once. 
Inspector Warren!
Warren?
Yes! 
He almost arrested him!
- Yes, you're right.
Oh, pardon me!
We must get this man to come here quick!
- But...
He has already retired...
- Nonsense!
As soon as Warren hears the name "Magician"...
No visitors!
Just a second, Sir, I'll see who it is.
Sir, Inspector Warren!
Warren!
Warren, this is just like you!
Just in time!
Yes, when I read Milton was in London,
I boarded a train, and here I am!
Do come in. 
You're the only one who can help us, and right away!
- Now, tell me.
Do you raise snails?
- Snails?
No! 
I'm no French man!
Milton and my snails need the same thing.
Perseverance!
- A good joke.
But perseverance takes time, and that we don't have!
With my snails I succeeded, Sir!
Madam, this was sent for you.
Thank you.
I hope you not planning to visit?
- Not at all, just looking around.
It's not very funny that you're having me followed!
So you noticed?
- My husband showed me... how to recognise a follower, and how to loose him.
Which you no doubt did, Madam!
- Yes, that would have pleased Arthur.
But I'll tell you where I went... 
To the beauty parlour.
I hope you notice it!
Good afternoon, Inspector!
Who sent the flowers for Mrs. Milton?
A boy. 
He didn't give a name, Sir!
Hello, Inspector.
Have you found your porter?
I beg your pardon?
- Not very long ago you asked... for a porter in the washroom.
- I remember!
What about a cup of tea?
- No, I've already had breakfast.
Come, let's sit over here.
Let me introduce myself.
James W. Wesby.
And I've come to London... especially to see Scotland Yard.
There isn't much to see!
On the contrary, it's a matter of professional curiosity.
Fancy, your chasing The Magician, huh?
What makes you think so?
- I read the papers!
This is the hotel where his wife is staying.
And you are a well known criminologist.
- Would you come from Australia?
Yes, from Sydney.
That's where I was born!
Tell me, what is your profession?
- I'm a scriptwriter, writing a series of criminal stories, one a week.
Then, you'll need lots of ideas!
- Not really, it's for television.
My time is up.
Sorry, but I must run.
It's been a pleasure!
So, Warren, bring me The Magician, dead or alive!
I'll ask Arthur Milton, which he prefers, Sir!
Very good!
Jean, I'll need you again!
Right away, Sir.
Never thought I'd come back to work for Scotland Yard once again.
But you owe that to me, Inspector.
Glad to have you!
Sorry!
- Inspector Higgins?
Warren.
Warren? 
Inspector Warren, the man who almost caught The Magician?
Almost, yes!
- You've probably heard... that Arthur Milton has arrived?
- Yes, I've come to help you to catch him.
Do you mind?
- Of course not!
I'd like to know how far you've gotten in your investigation?
Do we have to talk here, though?
- Not if you know a better place.
Much better place, come on!
24 hours later they found her dead!
- Messer was the last to see her alive!
The very last, I'd say.
- Thanks.
Miss Penton is really a lovely hostess!
- But then, she is lovely altogether!
Go on, Higgie, I have a witness this time!
Higgie! 
Can't you call me by my first name? 
It's Edgar Bryan. 
Now be quiet!
Why do women have to keep so quiet?
- So that their beauty keeps longer!
And now, the death of Gwenda Milton involves 2 problems.
We have to get the murderer but we also have to prevent...
The Magician from getting him first!
- The murder of Gwenda Milton is yours,
The Magician is my main concern!
- What is your plan?
The usual procedure.
Catch, hold, imprison!
It won't be as easy as all that!
I think, Sir John should not have... disturbed the leisure of your retirement.
You think the hound has become too old?
Come and strike me as hard as you can!
- Oh come. 
You mean it?
Yes, try me!
- Well alright, but you asked for it!
Can you teach me, too, Mr. Warren?
This is just what I need to get married!
Hush!
Someone's at the door!
Come on!
Halt!
Higgins, I'll come and help you!
I love you! 
I love you!
- I hate you! 
I hate you!
No!
She, too, could still be alive if she has used Torero.
Protects you from bad breath!
Oh, I'm sorry! 
Goodnight!
More coming?
No, I'm the last one, shut the window!
Is that all?
- Yes. 
And this paper!
Hello, Higgins?
Yes, Miss Osborne?
- Mr. Messer has just arrived!
Finch is waiting in the car.
- When Inspector Warren arrives, tell him I'm just having a look around, understand?
My regards to Miss Penton!
Wow!
Listen, darling. 
If I find what I want, you've got a date with me to be married!
I have your word!
Hey!
Bad beating you've had.
- Oh, it wasn't so bad!
Did you knock me down?
Probably not.
Had black trousers and shoes on!
How do you happen to be here?
- Oh, I'm... interested in The Magician.
You know, I'm writing, and I've been reading all about it.
And so I thought I'd visit the house, imagine.
Good thing, I did!
Well you need a drink! 
Want it?
No thanks!
- Me neither.
You could be arrested for this?
- You're right, I'll leave now!
It's trespassing, I know!
Mr. Wesby!
- No, I don't want to be arrested.
I'll leave now!
- But I have to find out... how you came in!
- I flew, but however...
Huh?
Hello 
- Hello, Miss Elise, Warren speaking.
Come to Miller's place on Gloaster Road.
But I can't, Mr Warren, Higgie is...
- Bring him along, too!
But...
Welcome!
Miss Penton, you were quick.
Warren, what are you doing here?
- But I'm staying here!
No, modern man is a priest. 
I'll wager he doesn't practice this in church!
How did you find that out?
- Come over here!
You met him, eh?
- Well, I was watching him, but the other is there, now. 
Who is he?
- Mr. Wesby, from Sydney.
A writer.
Could be The Magician, you know.
I know, could be.
It's all coming out, now.
Tell me, Warren, what made decide to come out here and watch things?
My old age probably!
What's that noise in the pipe out there?
Just running water?
- What do you think about it?
What do I think? 
Canals underground?
- Canals underground!
You were right!
- Elise, you wait here!
Well, what do you think now?
Pretty girls! 
Very pretty!
- This is becoming dangerous, now!
Our time is up, services!
We have to run!
Elise, where are you?
Elise?
- Come on, let's go this way!
Higgie, help!
Elise!
Can you handle dogs?
- Yes, they never beat me, yet!
Good here!
Go that way.
Elise!
- Higgie...
Hey, sorry to disturb you but what was the idea of running away?
I didn't. 
A man caught me, then another man turned up.
Otherwise, I wouldn't have escaped at all!
- Another man?
I don't know, perhaps The Magician?
- Blast it!
This sinful old place must have an entrance somewhere!
No, no I've had enough!
Higgie, darling, would you please bring me my bath towel?
Where is it?
- Here!
There was a time there came a certain light into your eyes on such occasions!
And we had such a good time together you wanted to marry me.
But lately, You've got a handcuffs complex!
A what?
- A handcuffs complex.
Lock me in... but not too tight!
Speaking of Warren, I'm getting a bit suspicious.
Are you?
Kiss me and tell me why!
Earlier he said:
"No, thank you, I've had enough for today!"
How about a good time?
Your idea comes a little too late.
Open the door, but don't get killed!
Somebody brought you this, darling, with compliments from Mr. Warren!
Perfume! 
Now, there is a man with ideas!
I am too. 
We'll dress, now, and dine out!
Mr. Higgins have you met Mrs. Milton?
- Oh yes, we've met already!
And this is Miss Penton, whom I admire.
Glad to meet you!
- How do you do?
I mean also admire...
It astonishes me to see Mr. Warren enjoying your company, Madam!
Nevertheless, I can't forget that you, Sir, mean to arrest my Arthur.
And you don't believe it's possible?
If that's so it would be Mr. Warren, and not you!
My husband, yesterday said to me...
- Yesterday?
I wouldn't know exactly.
Anyway, he said:
"Mr. Warren is a man you can't be cross with."
Though maybe I should add, I'm not so sure about you!
So, Arthur Milton wasn't able to reassure you?
Pardon! 
Shall I get a vase for the roses?
- Who are they for?
Mrs. Cora Ann Milton.
- For me?
I won't need a vase, I'm just leaving.
- Oh, isn't that too bad!
Many thanks, Mr. Warren, it was a nice evening!
And I must also admit my husband says he likes you.
Why don't you come and visit me?
I can't say that I wish good luck, Inspector.
Of course not, Madam!
She talks as if The Magician is an ordinary citizen that can do what he likes!
Thank you, Sir.
The check, please!
- It's paid, Sir.
By whom?
A gentleman at the bar.
He seemed to know you.
Sir, Inspector Brown is waiting downstairs. 
It's urgent!
Who's Brown?
- I don't know! 
I'll find out!
Where is the man?
- He was standing right here.
Your overcoats are over there.
- Why the overcoats?
Because he said you'd be leaving right away.
What was he like?
- It was only a second, but I remember he had dark glasses on.
Didn't even give me a tip!
Does it look like Scotland Yard, or not?
That's a good one, you're quite right!
Hold it!
- What's wrong?
It's from The Magician!
- This is not his style!
It was probably that priest.
Hopkins here, give me Mr. Messer!
- He can't help you now!
Hello, Hopkins?
Hello, say something!
The end!
Get up!
Now drop that revolver!
Hands up...
Magician!
Hey, hey!
How do you feel, not so inspired any longer?
I guess you know much more than you admit!
I found out that Hopkins send the girls away... because he was worried.
He wanted to met you here by himself.
You're a bloodhound, been taught to smell. 
Oh, am I sick!
Your driver is intelligent and rang me up, just as well or I would now be consoling your bride.
What's that you just said?
- You'll find it out soon.
They are pretty clever, they could make us jealous!
Have you passed out altogether, darling?
What more could I take?
I began by almost getting a broken scull, then was chased by a group of police dogs.
Then, this morning, that magic theatre almost finished me.
They want to destroy my work of art!
- How flattering!
What do you think of Warren?
- A man that can use his head!
My brains are as good as his are!
- But they've been hit too much!
Don't answer it!
- It will keep on ringing.
Hello?
- Are you sitting Inspector?
No, I'm lying.
- Lying? 
Oh much better.
Is Elise out? 
I expected that, I must give you up altogether, and forever. 
Sir John wants to speak to you. 
He's fuming!
Inspector Higgins, Sir.
- It's impossible to contact Warren.
Or you! 
Where in heaven are you?
- Tell him, in bed!
Wherever I may be, Sir, I'm on duty!
- Hopkins is dealing in white slavery!
Yes a criminal agent!
You must consider that.
It's been considered, Sir. 
We know he's been taking girls out by boat.
By submarine!
- A submarine?
Yes, Sir, a special submarine.
The girls probably went aboard a ship... beyond the 3 mile limit.
The captain also works for this man.
Arrest him and confiscate the boat!
Don't let him sail!
Yes Sir, I will immediately give the order.
Yes! 
One of us has been killed already.
The Magician keeps his promises!
Who's going to be next?
You, I or Reddingwood?
I wish I knew the answer.
- Your name was next on the list!
I can't sleep, it's as if something is going to happen!
You have a guilt complex!
- No, I don't want to die!
I haven't done a thing.
You blackmailed me into... building the boat!
- You're a fool, Shelby!
Listen to me closely.
We're all in the same spot.
If you try to double cross me, I'll throw you to the dogs!
No Sir, I'm not in the same spot.
I didn't commit a murder!
I'll run away, to where nobody knows me.
Otherwise, I will tell everything I know!
Good Shelby, if that is your position,
I'll see that you go!
Good, Mr. Messer.
I knew you would help me.
I'm sorry, it's my nerves!
- Where can I contact you... at about 11 tonight?
- Let me see...
In the dockyard, there won't be anyone around. 
I'll wait for your call!
Do you have the number?
- Here. 
Telephone box, Victoria Docks.
8-7-0-0-1-2!
- 8-7-0-0-1-2!
So, you can take it easy, Shelby, everything will turn out fine.
Goodbye, Mr. Messer and thanks!
I'll be awaiting your call!
Goodbye, Shelby!
Hello?
- I want you, Reddingwood!
Hello? 
Yes I'm here!
No, I didn't tell anyone!
That's impossible, I've already destroyed the signs of the boat!
Yes, I'm listening.
Yes, and thanks!
Be on the alert, darling, you may hear or see something!
You can rely on me! 
Bye-bye darling!
Come!
What is the room number of Mrs. Milton?
- 32, may I announce you?
No, thanks!
But what's the matter now?
- Don't ask, just get in!
He who loves danger perishes in it!
So they say.
Yes, come in!
Are we disturbing you?
Not at all, Inspector!
I guess you must know by now what I suspect?
Yes, I suppose.
- May I introduce: 
Mr. Arthur Milton.
Well, at last it came up.
And what makes you think so?
- Call it a hunch!
You're going to deny it, of course!
Inspector, this is Mr. Wesby, from Sydney.
He's working on a story... all about the adventures of my husband.
I tell him it's too soon.
But in my mind it's much too late!
You don't expect... that I can really believe that?
- Yes, Sir!
And must you do your writing with the revolver, Mr. Milton?
Mrs. Milton, the Inspector seems to be making it so much harder, and I won't give up this easy.
I have a question:
Do you know why Gwenda Milton died?
- She knew too much about... the business of other people!
- White slavery.
The house of old Reverend Hopkins served as a camouflage.
You know much more than that!
- But I'm keeping it to myself!
Oh, is it you, Arthur?
Warren!
Why are you here?
- I rang Cora Ann's room, and she said Arthur to me.
This lady could teach us some of her tricks! 
What a presence of mind!
It's true? 
What happened?
- The Magician once again gave us the slip.
Come on, Warren!
Hello Reddingwood! 
Hello?
Yes boss! 
I've been waiting down here for you! 
Can I come up, now?
I guess so, to the surface!
Everything alright?
- If not how could I be here!
You told me it was urgent.
- The police searches my house, tomorrow!
They mustn't find this.
The evidence of our business relationship.
Did you arrange your trip?
Yes. 
The Moro Costello, tonight I'll be on board!
You'll give this case to Captain Johnson!
- Alright. 
I think you should come, too.
Maybe, over there we could start together.
- No, that is a risk... we couldn't take!
- I guess you know what you're doing?
I know exactly what I'm going to do, now.
So be off and good luck!
Boss? 
You've got nerve!
The Magician could even learn from you!
Any news?
- Nothing much, Sir.
A Mr. Arthur Milton phoned... to say he's coming tomorrow night.
A Cognac, Sir?
Sir John, please.
What are you grumbling about?
- It's annoying!
I can't take you with me!
- Why not?
Messer asked Sir John for a bodyguard as Milton... announced himself for this evening.
- What's that got to do with you?
But I'm the bodyguard, stupid!
Why do we even plan an evening together?
I promise this will be the last time!
- How's that?
Because if The Magician comes and I can catch him, then...
Then?
- You'll have your last name changed!
- Higgie!
You know what I like?
- Tell me later, darling.
Yes?
My dear Mrs. Milton!
Sir John, what can I do for you?
You've already paid for your room here.
May I ask what does that mean?
Just checking out.
- You mean your leaving?
Yes, we leave England today.
Arthur and myself!
Arthur and you, Madam?
- He's almost finished and he rang me.
He's almost finished?
- Yes, except for one more little thing.
And may I ask where you're going?
- I don't mind, to Mr. Messer's.
Do you know that he'll be there tonight?
Yes, so of course, we'll meet.
- Of course.
Well, I hadn't thought of that.
Pardon me, may I?
Where are the police?
- They are never punctual!
Would you like a drink, Sir?
- No!
This is the best way to overcome excitement, but it's so expensive.
Go open the door, now!
Scotland Yard!
- Hello, Mr. Messer! 
We've met before.
Yes, I remember.
- Any doors you want to be... watched specially?
- The front door and the back entrance!
No other way out?
- Right!
Gentlemen.
Did you get information on what this is all about?
Yes, yourself and the case of Gwenda Milton are involved here.
What are you talking about?
All I want is protection!
Good evening, Sir, it was good of you to...
What happened?
I was expecting...
- Have we arrived too early?
- Does this mean that you... have come instead of Arthur Milton?
- No, he will be here presently!
Let's be seated, shall we?
Yes, certainly glad to have you here.
Try to put yourself in my place.
His sister was my secretary.
She died... in a rather mysterious way.
- Please go on.
Quite interesting!
And then there was this affair with Hopkins... of which I didn't have the faintest suspicion.
And?
- Well, you husband... hasn't a good reputation!
Nevertheless, I am willing to speak to him in the presence of the police!
There won't be anything to say!
- What does he want then?
Finch!
- Don't worry, my men will open the door!
Warren! 
At last!
- I see you're having a meeting.
Where in the world have you been?
- I intended to find Wesby, but I didn't succeed.
London is a big place!
- At least you are convinced about that!
Good evening, Mrs. Milton!
Inspector!
Would you tell me why you've come?
- I'm Inspector Warren.
Mr. Messer was saying he was anxious to speak to Arthur!
And why should he be?
- There's a misunderstanding!
I'm sure Mr. Milton knows exactly... what Higgins and I have uncovered through our investigations.
So, have you?
And why didn't you report to me?
I was just going to do so, Sir.
The honourable Mr. Messer got tired... of working so long as a lawyer and changed to another profession!
White slavery!
- What? 
You too, Mr. Messer?
But there was also Mr. Hopkins, who was shot by The Magician, and Mr. Selby, who was murdered by Mr. Reddingwood.
And to do away with Reddingwood, who knew the secret, you blew him and his boat up.
That's the limit!
- Gwenda Milton, your secretary, knew all about it, and you wiped her out!
- This is deformation!
These are the facts!
All this is known to Arthur Milton!
- Then why should he speak to you?
In that case, gentlemen, we'd better... arrest Mr. Messer or...
You remember how Hartford was murdered?
- Yes, Sir, I remember!
The Magician rang him up, just as he called Mr. Messer this evening.
We all thought there was no danger!
Then the lights began to flicker.
Just like now, Sir!
Yes, yes and then the lights went out!
Lights!
Switch on the lights at once!
So, who knows who The Magician is?
What's wrong with him?
- Nothing anymore!
And now another guest has come in!
Arthur Milton,
The Magician!
Are you sure Inspector?
- I am.
I see.
Stay where you are!
- I won't go Inspector, just wait!
You can come in now!
Who is this fellow?
Higgins?
Am I seeing right?
- Yes Sir, you're seeing Warren... but double!
- So then, I'm not as crazy as I thought?
No Sir, because only one is the real Warren!
This one!
This man... is Arthur Milton.
The Magician!
And this is a pickpocket, Archibald Finch, who after Gwenda Milton died... worked as a butler in this house, but who really... is the secretary of Arthur Milton!
And now should I introduce myself:
I am Inspector Wesby of Sydney.
I waited so long for this moment!
I'm pretty sure this is a real pleasure for you, Wesby.
I'm not able to follow. 
Are you Higgins?
- No, Sir!
Who are you exactly?
- I am Inspector Warren, Sir.
I have the funniest story you ever heard!
- But you're talking like...
No, he's talking like me!
Arthur Milton had a rather ingenious idea!
He knew that Scotland Yard would ask me to find The Magician.
When I arrived in town, a man promptly offered me a lift.
But it was himself, so I never arrived here!
I'm sorry to have caused you... so many inconveniences!
Mr. Milton brought me to the cellar of the flat and there he changed... into myself in front my own eyes!
- But it was great fun being you!
In my place it wasn't!
- And who released you from the cellar?
Mr. Wesby.
- And how did you know the difference?
I knew that the real Warren is not fond of women.
I have my own reasons.
- While you do admire women, Mr. Milton, although in prison you'll have to drop that passion!
Yes, I guess. 
May I at least give a last goodbye to my wife?
Good.
Cora, I suppose it had to end somehow.
Do you remember what you promised me?
Yes, how could I forget.
Never into prison!
Blank shots!
- We should have thought of that!
Send up a policeman! 
Let me tell you, even if your husband gets away, you're staying with us!
Watch that man and woman, and watch them closely!
Arthur!
- Cora!
The time is short if we expect to catch the plane to Sydney, Madam!
Sir!
- Yes, sure.
Let's go!

A FILM BY FERNANDO LOPES
He could have been a great boxer, one of the best in Europe, maybe even a lightweight champion, but now he's just a punching ball.
Belarmino Fragoso.
Born a champion.
That's why, by the blessing or curse of birth, he went to London to challenge Vic Andeeti, after a nasty story, where his name appeared in place of his brother's.
With no coach, after months, years of hunger and misery, already old,
Belarmino set out with his usual confident smile.
Tell me about the fight in London.
As I told you, I was coming from Italy to get my brother;
my brother stayed in Spain, and I left.
In the meantime I came to Portugal.
Somebody told me on the phone that I had fought in London.
I was amazed. 
I fought in London?
Impossible, it must be a dream.
Then I heard it on the radio, I saw it in the newspapers...
I made a complaint at ANI, I said it wasn't me.
I had never fought in London or ever seen London.
I'd seen London in the movies, but I had never been there.
So they said "Well, then, we'll change that".
They showed me a photo and I saw it was my brother, like I said.
So I went to London.
In those days, Jack Salomon, one of the best managers in the world, hired me... he called me.
I went to London without a single day of training.
Why were you massacred in London by Vic Andeeti?
I wasn't massacred.
It was all a mistake.
He didn't even hit me in the face, he just shoved his thumb in my eye, it hurt like hell...
It was a violent punch, there isn't anybody who doesn't feel a punch in the eye.
I was on my knees, thinking I'd let him count to eight, but when I got up on eight, for some reason the referee ended the fight.
In the ring at Albert Hall, Belarmino only lasted 2 minutes and 5 seconds against a second-rate boxer.
He's a desperate champion.
The referee counted to eight, and of course
I had to leave.
I started to protest, but the referee was saying "no", signaling "no" with his hands, meaning that I hadn't lost the fight, that the time wasn't up yet.
And suddenly... it wasn't Belarmino Fragoso fighting, it was just the need to earn 15 thousand escudos.
Where does your mother live now, with you?
No, sir. 
My mother hasn't lived with me since I was 17.
I mean, since I was 15.
- And who supports her?
- My brothers. 
And she also works.
She's 68, she works because she wants to.
I always wanted to help her, but she always wanted to work.
It's what she wanted, I didn't force her and I still don't.
I'm the one who gives her lunch and dinner every day.
She eats in the same restaurant as me.
She goes there nearly every day.
When she doesn't go it's because she doesn't feel like it.
My mother has four other children besides me and they can easily look after her because they have a better life than me.
My life is hard.
I started boxing as an amateur, of course.
That was my life.
I needed to earn money, I was a shoe-shine boy, and then I started as an amateur boxer, with a friend of mine, who was a shoe-shine boy, too.
One day we went to the "Salão Lisboa" - they called it "The Louse"... we went for the heck of it, to get money to go to the movies.
I didn't have any money at the time, so I went to get some for the movies.
One day he said he was going to train as a boxer. 
That was my dream;
I saw boxing rings in the newspapers...
- I was always drawn to boxing and always dreamt of fighting... so I asked if I could go with him, and he said: "Let's go check it out. "
I got to the Albano Martins hall, which was a sports club, and he asked me to step inside.
I did, of course.
Albano Martins looked at me and said:
"Did you come to train or to fight?"
And I said: "I came to train, I love to practice boxing. "
I didn't know what I was talking about.
He gave me some gloves and shorts and I started boxing.
I started fighting with a guy called "Barraçal" (Sunsplat).
I was afraid of getting beaten up, so I started pounding him first.
Albano Martins made us stop the fight and told me I had talent.
On the second or third day of training, I wanted to put the gloves on.
The other guys had more experience and so they threw a few punches and he was knocked out.
The next day, there he was again.
And when it's like that, you know you've got a boxer.
I got full of myself, of course, and asked a friend if I could fight him.
He punched me in the stomach and I fell down, totally knocked out.
Afterwards I started thinking that maybe boxing wasn't for me, that I was afraid, because he had punched me and it hurt, of course.
So I started to be afraid of boxing.
But then I started thinking that my life, the boxing and the shoe-shining, it was all the same, and I had to earn money to eat because I didn't have any, so I started thinking... 
I had a head, two feet, two hands, so I started to learn how to box.
I did four fights as an amateur, two fights a day.
But then I went to the gym and started thinking:
"I've got to learn more about boxing,"
so I started learning, and in the fifth fight
I won with by a KO, and I started boxing more and more, and after a year I was the champion of Portugal.
How old were you then?
- I was only 18.
- 18.
Before you became an amateur boxer, what did you do? 
Shine shoes?
I was a shoe-shine boy on the Avenida of Restauradores.
I used to run away from the police.
That was my life, running away.
I used to leave one shoe half polished, and the other unpolished with the police running after me.
I made my living from shoe-shining and boxing.
So what do you think of Albano?
Albano...
his thing was always money, to squeeze all he could out of a human body - mine or somebody else's... to do as much as he could, to earn as much money as he could, because that was his life, as we say, being a "pimp",
so I gave my body, I fought, and got nothing for it.
He would give me 20 escudos, sometimes 10 and that was how I lived.
I'd go to his house, eat lunch, dinner, and sleep there, and I used to sell newspapers...
I had to get up at 4 AM.
I've been a professional boxer for 35 years and I came to the Mouraria Sports Club on a percentage basis.
Amateurs here don't make any money.
As an amateur I got beaten up a lot but I never earned a nickel.
And as managers are professionals, they have to set up as many fights as possible so their trainees can earn money and so they can earn something too.
I don't think they work for free.
He took what he could from me, because he had to, it was his life.
He was born to be a "pimp".
- How long was he your manager?
- He was always my manager.
He was my manager for three years, then I went to Porto, I came back, and as I had no money to eat, I signed a contract with him again and he sold me...
- Sold him? 
I never sold him.
So we went to Oporto and Mr. Ernesto Silva, after seeing him fight, came up to me and said he wanted to be his manager and could I release him. 
I said yes, but that I had to talk to him first.
I spoke to Belarmino Fragoso, explained the terms to him...
Ernesto Silva said he would have him educated, because Belarmino couldn't read or write, and he would have him taught to be a driver, so that he could have a life without depending on boxing.
So he accepted and closed the deal with Ernesto Silva.
Of course I didn't sell him, because I lost more than I earned,
but I didn't get a thousand escudos and I sold him for a thousand.
I spent two months in Porto, fought five fights, but all I got from it was a pair of second-hand shoes, a raincoat which cost 900 escudos and that was all.
And he gave me 150 escudos on Christmas Day so I could spend Christmas in Lisbon with my family.
I can't answer that, because from the time I handed him over to a new manager,
I didn't see him any more.
One thing is for sure - it was around Christmas time, he turned up in Lisbon, and even though he said I cheated him, he was the one who wanted me to be his manager again.
Listen, now that there is almost no professional boxing in Portugal, how do you get by?
I've got a newspaper stand in Estefãnia that my family looks after.
- I referee wrestling...
- But wrestling means bluffing...
Bluffing?
Honestly I can't tell you that, because I bet you don't want to go up there,
- I don't go...
- and nobody wants to...
- But is that the truth or a lie?
- if anyone goes there... it's not true.
- Isn't wrestling bluffing?
- The best one wins.
- The best one wins? 
Like in boxing?
Not like boxing, it's very different.
Boxing means getting thrashed.
- In boxing, the best one wins too.
- Yes, but wrestling is different.
What does Belarmino mean to you?
Is he a friend, a man...?
For me Belarmino was just a boxer, like the others who used to come here to the Mouraria Sports Club.
How did you meet and marry your wife?
That's a long story.
When Albano Martins hired me to box, I went to Oporto, when he sold my contract, as I just explained,
I went up there, and three months later I met my wife...
- In Porto?
- In Porto.
I chatted her up, and of course, started talking to her, but I came right back to Lisbon.
A few months later, I went back there, and that's when I decided to marry her.
Now she's my wife, the mother of my daughter... 
That's life.
- Does she work?
- Yes. 
And she's a hard worker.
She's a good housewife and she looks after somebody else's house.
she's hard-working, and helps me in every way she can.
She doesn't earn much, 10, 15 escudos, but she's used to working, it's what she's always done.
What was your last fight to defend your title?
It was with Fernando Gonçalves Sotta.
I won by a KO.
And then?
Then I didn't fight in Portugal any more.
- How much did you earn then?
- 6 thousand escudos.
- 6 thousand. 
How long ago?
- 6 years ago.
The day before the lightweight fight with Sotta, he spent the whole night at Bairro Alto and got to bed at 4 AM.
He went to the weigh-in, the compulsory one at noon, and he was a around 1 kilo and 200 grams overweight, so, of course he couldn't go for the title, with a kilo and 200 grams overweight.
So we went to Mayer Park,
I wrapped him in some blankets, made him run, sweat...
He did everything he could to lose the extra weight.
He weighed in, fought and won.
He could have been great.
You know, he could have been really great.
Other times, not with me, but with Bomboxe, he was training near Sintra
and in the middle of the night, he would sneak out the window and come to Lisbon, to Bairro Alto, whenever he felt like it.
That's a lie. 
In fact, the room where I stayed at the hostel didn't even have a window, and nobody can ever stick that on me.
They can tell it to whoever they wish but nobody can say that to me, because I was always a boxer when I was fighting and I was an idol and I was a man who would fight any foreigner. 
I never did that.
I was always a man who never lost a fight.
And I've proven it!
I was champion of Portugal twice and I was always honoured and proud to be champion of Portugal.
He could have been great.
But he was not up to the challenge.
It wasn't the managers' fault because he had good ones.
But was it his fault or the fact that he lived in Portugal?
Had he lived abroad, could he have been a great boxer?
Yes.
But he would have had to stick to the training schedules and everything.
- He could have been great here too.
- Even if he was a bit undisciplined.
Exactly.
He could have been a great boxer and there was a time when he was.
- Since then...
- Now he's totally washed up.
Yes, and he shouldn't think he'll be somebody again because he won't.
He had good write-ups at that time, it was nice, because nobody had any experience.
They understood that I was a real boxer and many times as a professional, at the hands of Albano Martins,
I went into the ring on just a doughnut and a glass of milk.
I didn't have money to eat but I managed to win the fights.
All my life I took my fights seriously.
Maybe I was the most serious boxer there ever was in Portugal.
Thank you.
Who were the great boxers at that time?
Carlos Rocha, Chico Santos,
Fernando Gonçalves Sotta, Fernando Branco...
They were good boxers.
They say you got into a fixed fight with Chico Santos.
- Never.
- Never?
No, we never could've gotten into a fixed fight with him because we couldn't stand each other from the start.
Why?
Tradition. 
There was always that thing of both of us wanting to win, that was our life, playing one off the other, and there was always rivalry.
Sometimes on my side, sometimes on his, other times on the manager's, and other times because I had earned more than him or vice-versa.
He didn't think that I should earn more than him, and I didn't think he should earn more than me.
A lot of times they took my winnings and gave them to him.
Once, in my last fight,
I fought Chico Santos at Mayer Park,
I earned 12 thousand escudos and they only paid me 8.
They gave him 4 thousand without telling me.
I didn't even know how to read or write,
I was illiterate and that's how they cheated me out of 4,000 escudos, without knowing it was for him. 
Had I known, I wouldn't have helped him.
- How old are you now?
- Me? 
I'm 32.
- Are you still illiterate?
- No, I've gotten up to the third grade.
A coffee.
Listen, do you think you're a man or an animal?
- A man. 
A human being.
- Why?
- A human being!
- Listen, sometimes people say that you're nuts and you're more like an animal than a man. 
Is it true?
We should compare a boxer to a human being.
A boxer is like any other man, even though people often think that a boxer kills, flays, does this and that. 
No!
A boxer is a man.
And whoever thinks differently is mistaken.
Outside the ring, are you a good man or a bad man?
I don't know, only other people can say.
I can't judge my own character.
- Does your wife love you?
- I think so, if not it'd be awful.
- You say you have two daughters?
- Yes. 
One is eleven.
I didn't raise her, Agostinho da Silva did.
And I have another one who's five, she's great, she's pretty and she's smart.
But she was also really sick.
She had meningitis, and went blind for seven months.
People don't understand this.
My daughter was blind for 7 months, she had meningitis, had an operation for appendicitis when she was 3, was blind for...
Well, that's life.
Since the doctor was green, he said my daughter wouldn't live.
But thank God, she's alive today.
How do you support your family, if you don't work?
I colour photographs.
And I do this and that. 
It depends.
- And do you borrow money?
- Sometimes.
- Often?
- Yes, but I pay it back.
- To whom?
- Blokes I know.
If I need five quid, I ask for it, If I need five bob, also.
It depends on my "need".
But listen, five quid isn't enough to support your family.
No, sometimes if I have dinner at a restaurant, I need another five bob to order something cheap for the girl and for my wife and to pay for a bread roll.
And to tip the waiter, so I won't look like an idiot.
So, do you go hungry a lot?
Three days' hunger isn't real hunger.
Often I want to have lunch or dinner, and I don't have anything to eat.
But it's not real hunger. 
It's a state of weakness I can put up with.
What about your other daughter?
I never raised her. 
I left her when she was only a year old, not even that.
Why did you leave her?
Because I didn't have any money to support her.
I wanted to box, the way I have...
I was already in love with it, and that's why some ladies asked if I would let them raise her, so I let them, because I didn't want to ruin my daughter's happiness...
I knew she would be all right with those ladies, and I couldn't do anything more for her.
Good afternoon.
Amore mio.
How are you?
Do you love your wife or are you sorry you got married?
If I didn't love her, I wouldn't have married her.
I love her, I'm married, she's my kind of girl.
She's a really good girl.
She's got everything you could want from a woman.
But hang on, sometimes you run after other women, and you've had your affairs.
How's that?
All men do that.
As long as a bloke's lucky, of course.
I'm not stupid.
It's so cool.
Can I go to your place tonight to talk to you?
Listen, I heard you were hired as a bodyguard for a capitalist, weren't you?
Yes, but he started getting involved, so I let him get beaten up.
- I was the first one to run away.
- Why was that? 
Tell me about it.
That was good. 
Look at him...
That's a good one.
- Tell me.
- I can't.
- Why?
- Do you think my body's insured?
But can't you tell the story, or you don't want to?
It's a long story, It's a 47-part film, mate!
- Did he give you any money after all?
- Of course!
Is that kind of thing paid in instalments? 
It's cash up front.
But listen, he paid you and you let him take a beating? 
How's that?
Sure, he started showing off.
He was on my back.
That's too much, isn't it?
Look here,
Albano Martins told us he was the only Portuguese boxer who had the President show up at one of his matches.
And he told us he was a great boxer.
What do you think?
He might have been a great boxer, but he was also a pain in the arse.
ONGOING SHOWINGS
- Your full name?
- Belarmino Fragoso Teixeira.
- Date of birth?
- July 30th... 1941.
- How old are you?
- 31.
- For how long were you in school?
- No, 32.
- And your profession, please?
- Boxer.
- Address?
- Rua Barros Queirós, 31, 2nd right.
- Are you married or single?
- Married.
- Do you have any health problems?
- None, thank God.
- Have you always been healthy?
- Always, thank God.
Even when you were a child, don't you remember being ill?
- I had measles.
- Is that all?
- That's all I remember...
- Any nodes?
..
- I never had anything like that.
- Nothing in particular?
- And your family?
- Not that I know of, only my daughter, she had meningitis, but that doesn't mean that it's a family thing.
- Have you had any lung disease?
- Never.
- Any blood illness?
- Never.
Take that tube over there.
Blow a little.
Breath deeply, Fill your chest as much as you can, and blow as hard as you can, please until there's no more air in your chest.
All right, you can let it out.
- Have you done any other sports?
- No, sir.
- Just boxing?
- That's all.
- How long have you been boxing?
- For sixteen years.
Do you remember having any injuries from fighting?
Yes, I remember, but there were no blows or violence, it was just cuts or I couldn't have gone on.
You're going to breath deep with your mouth open, please.
Let it out...
Again.
Exhale.
Deeply.
Exhale.
But after a so-called knockout, didn't you ever have to have medical treatment?
Never.
Just lost a few teeth, that's all.
- So you never passed out...
- No, sir.
and you never had a concussion?
- Never.
Cough a little.
Again.
Now turn toward me, please.
Do you think you could fight a man of your weight?
Wait a minute.
The eighth and second to last fight.
The moment of the international fight has arrived.
Tony Alonso from Spain... against the Portuguese Belarmino Fragoso.
The fight has eight two-minute rounds, with Joaquim Teixeira as referee.
Are you afraid when you go into the ring?
Not me.
I'm just afraid like any man, afraid of making a fool of myself, like everybody else.
Carlos Ramos, a fine fado singer, Amália Rodrigues, a great artist.
There's nobody who's not afraid.
We're all afraid.
But I mean, for example...
afraid of losing.
No, no...
Afraid of looking like a fool. 
Winning or losing is just part of the sport.
- Is it? 
Do you think so?
- I do.
Do you think boxing is a sport?
For me it's a type of sport it's a noble art.
All over the world it's considered a noble art because it really is.
But boxing is an ungrateful sport.
Not boxing, the people around it.
It's the same in Portugal as anywhere else in the world.
Things have happened in Portugal...
It's life...
In Portugal there are lots of serious, very honest people, who've never gone into business.
Sometimes they go into the boxing business because they like the sport, because they're friends of other boxers, so they get involved, and there are other blokes out there who want to make money off of boxing.
The older boxers...
So, the ones who win in boxing aren't the boxers.
- No.
- Who wins?
The ones around them, in other words, the managers.
It's the people around them, like the ones who sit in the cafe talking about boxing, and then someone serious comes in to talk about it and they lend him money, and more and more money,
and in the end, after lending him all this money, that guy doesn't win or lose any money, because the ones talking about boxing with him, start smoking cigars.
But are you saying that because usually people say that you are undisciplined and badmouth everyone, and you waste your nights and you drink a lot...
- Are you undisciplined?
- No. 
I'm just... 
The real truth is that I can't be cheated and I can't see anyone else being cheated.
And I can't be what they think I am.
Because a lot of times, like I said just now, I went into the ring on an empty stomach and none of the guys who badmouth me every gave me a penny for a soup.
Have you ever bribed a critic or your manager?
Me? 
Never. 
I feel like laughing every time people ask me that.
Critics only appreciate me when they have to.
There is this journalist, Mr...
- I don't remember his name... who writes for "Bola" and is very funny, in an interview that he did with me...
Well, it was not an interview, he just wrote about my life, he said I should give up boxing, because I was already over the hill,
because I'd already lost a lot of fights by KO.
This man says he knows about boxing, but I don't think he does.
When it comes to boxing, I'm a boxing technician,
I'm in the highest category of national boxing,
I see what's going on in boxing more than anyone else.
People used to say that when you were hit on the eyebrow you'd become particularly violent and you used to react wildly.
Tell me if that's a lie or not.
I only tried to defend myself.
Because the eyebrow is the most sensitive spot one has.
By hitting with your head or with a small open-handed slap, you can cut someone's brow...
In boxing we usually say, the best defence is an attack... and I would attack so that they wouldn't hit my eyebrow.
I knew if I attacked the guy first, he wouldn't hit my eyebrow.
And if I just stood there, he'd injure my eyebrow with a small punch.
But that's what happens in boxing...
Many, many times I get punched in boxing...
I take all these punches but I never feel them, but sometimes I just get a little slap and I feel it.
It depends on the situation, the place...
It depends on the situation and what kind of day you're having.
There are afternoons for an artist, for a good sportsman.
There are days, nights, afternoons...
Sports are based on all those things.
Sports are tough, but they're very good too.
When I talk about sports it makes me laugh.
- Why?
- Why?
Life is like a sport, it's beautiful.
We're the ones who destroy it.
- It's fantastic.
- Just one thing, Belarmino
You had a punch that was considered to be sensational, the one where you used the "one two"...
- No.
- You swung a left and then a right, but wait, people said that when you swung a left and then a right in the "one two", you dragged your arm, especially your right arm,
and nearly hit your opponent's jaw with your elbow.
It depends on the boxing...
No, I never did that.
But in boxing, there are two methods.
Attack and defence.
The man who defends has to be a man who only uses his left and has to escape from the man who is an attacker or a fighter...
I am a boxer who attacks, I'm a fighter, so I can't throw that kind of punch, because as a lightweight I always get taller men
and if I try for an uppercut, my punches will be inaccurate.
- I've never done that in my life.
- Never?
- Never.
- But the critics said you did.
They don't know anything about boxing.
They write just for the heck of it.
Don't hold on!
Second round.
Do you think you could fight with a man of your weight?
- Yes...
- How many punches could you take?
It depends on my training, my preparation and what I ate, because I have a wife and daughter to feed and I have to win.
A man who prepares himself for 10 rounds, 3 or 4, or whatever, has to get up at six-thirty in the morning, run at least four kilometres, do four kilometres of footing, and go to the gym.
After the footing, he goes home, rests, and gets up at noon, with no commitments at all, he has to eat a good steak, lots of vegetables, rare steaks, without needing the victory to eat.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Ritz Club is proud to present the second half of our variety show.
Women! 
Lets talk about women.
Did women have a decisive influence on your life, or not?
No. 
I just used to talk with them like I talk with all my friends, the ones that chat with me, that treat me nicely, people that I consider to be nice people.
Even if I speak to bad people, the ones who will criticise me...
Those are the ones I should talk to.
But when it comes to women...
I've only got my wife, and I live with her.
And before I got married and lived with my wife,
I had never been to a cabaret.
I'd never been to those kinds of bars.
I don't like wine.
I never drank beer.
But beer doesn't actually do any harm to a boxer.
Beer bloats you but it doesn't make you fat.
Lots of people say that beer is bad for you, but it isn't.
I used to drink to drink beer just like any other drink.
I drink more milk now. 
Doughnuts were the only thing I used to eat, because I was used to eating them when I wasn't boxing and I was having a hard time.
Often I wanted money for a doughnut and milk and I didn't have any.
It has nothing to do with women.
People always talk too much.
But listen, there are people who see you with prostitutes.
Maybe they do. 
It's natural.
They might see me with crooks, too, with suspicious looking men, but I'm not suspicious because of that.
They can't pin anything on me.
I'm just a man, a sportsman, a simple person. 
I talk to everyone, rich, poor, crooks, prostitutes, everyone.
You said you didn't go to cabarets but people have seen you there.
Now. 
Since Bombox closed.
- Really?
- Yes. 
Why?
My life has changed.
Now fights are...
Before there were boxing matches every other month, but now there's only one match a year.
There hasn't been any boxing in Portugal for six years.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Ana Maria's strip-tease.
I know you want to go and work abroad, but you're a man from Lisbon.
Won't you miss the city?
Yes, very much. 
Not only Lisbon,
I'll miss my friends, the people who hang out with me,
I'll miss my daughter, my wife, my house,
I'll even miss the Portuguese boxing rings, because people applaud me.
So why are you going to work abroad in spite of all that?
Because that's what I should do.
Because there's no boxing in Portugal and I'm going abroad just to be a coach or to fight.
I can't go just to give and get a beating.
I'm too old for that, I'm already 32.
Ladies and gentlemen, the dance is next.
Do you think that when the viewers see this film, they'll feel sorry for you?
I don't know.
It depends on how they see Albano Martins, how they understand him and my life, when I was a simple shoe-shiner.
Of course, I wasn't an engineer, I went in for boxing.
If I were an engineer or a doctor, I wouldn't have been a boxer.
I went for it because I had to.
Because in boxing, or in any sport, there aren't any engineers or architects who go into the sport and get their head punched in for the love of it.
It's men like me, bums.
How long do you think you'll last as a boxer?
- Until I'm 33, 34.
- So you've only got a year to live?
- To work as a boxer?
- Yes.
- And then?
- I'll be a coach.
I have the qualifications for it.
More than the coaches I see in Portugal.
- And don't you feel sorry?
- I'm very sorry...
It was the profession I held on to and will until my dying day.
So you're a champion who will remain a champion, right?
That's right.
And I'll make other champions, if my energy and health hold up, and if my life allows it.
Translation: 
Jacqueline Sarbib Subtitles: 
CRISTBET, Lda

Morning, dear.
Well, finally.
His Majesty has condescended to grace us with his presence.
Be seated.
Please, Lily, spare me the jokes.
Today's starting out to be one of those days.
Good morning, Uncle Herman.
Good morning, dear.
Good morning!
Morning, Grandpa.
Mmm. 
What smells so good?
I cut myself shaving.
[Banging]
Front door.
I'll get it.
No, dear. 
Uh, not the way you're dressed.
I'll get it.
You can never tell when Mr. Right is gonna come along.
If you go to the door looking like that, you're liable to scare him off.
[Banging Continues]
Front door.
Well, bless me.
If it isn't Herman.
[Laughing]
Oh, no. 
Charlie.
I knew it was gonna be one of those days.
Ah, Lily.
[Chuckling]
Herman's twin brother.
Charlie, it's good to see you.
Lily, you look just wonderful, my dear.
A lot of people would just die to have a complexion like that.
Don't tell me.
This is little Eddie.
The last time I saw you, my boy, you were this high.
Ah, Marilyn.
Don't you look pretty, uh, uh, pretty...
How do you do in school, dear?
Just fine, Uncle Charlie.
Good, good, good.
And now, Uncle Charlie... has a little something for each of you.
Now, let me see.
What have I got here?
Eddie, this is for you.
Oh, boy, a bat in the box!
Thank you, Uncle Charlie.
And Lily, this is for you.
Oh, Charlie!
A new shroud!
Oh! 
Ooh.
A girl can never have enough of these.
Marilyn, this here's for you.
[Croaking] [Gasps]
Oh.
Greatest thing in the world for warts.
[Clearing Throat]
Don't worry, Grandpa.
Old Charlie hasn't forgotten you.
Good.
Oh. 
Oh!
It's a box of cigars.
And the box, you see, is a great place to keep your ashes.
[Laughing]
But, uh, tell me, where's Herman?
He can't still be nursing a grudge against his own twin brother.
Of course not, Charlie.
He loves you.
He'll be right down.
Oh, no, he won't.
What's in the other suitcase, Uncle Charlie?
That?
That, Marilyn, my dear, is a little invention... that is going to make your Uncle Charlie a million dollars.
[Lily] "A million dollars'"?
[Grandpa] Oh, an invention.
By the way, I happen to be a bit of an inventor myself.
Do you mind if I take a look at it?
Delighted.
Oh.
What does it do, Uncle Charlie?
It extracts uranium from seawater.
"Extracts uranium from seawater"?
I don't believe it.
If you will allow me...
Marilyn, please.
I'll show you how it works.
See? 
Good old everyday garden variety seawater.
It contains .047 grains of uranium.
Now, let me see here.
I turn the machine on.
Now I add the water.
Oh!
Is that really uranium?
There's one sure way to find out.
I'll fly down to my laboratory and get my Geiger counter.
Oh, no, no, no.
Uh, Grandpa, don't do that.
It's not necessary.
I mean, I have my own.
I always carry a Geiger counter with me.
[Soft Crackling, Grows Louder]
[Laughing]
You'll make a fortune.
Why, do you realize... that uranium is worth its weight in gold?
Well, what do you know?
[Chuckling]
Well...
It's getting late.
I'd better find me a hotel.
Say "how do you do" to Herman for me.
Funny. 
I have a feeling that boy's been avoiding me.
- You're darn right I am.
- You're going to stay here with us.
After all, you're Herman's only living relative.
Oh, Lily, how sweet.
Well, if you insist.
Eddie, come along, my boy.
You and me are going to dig up a little snack first.
Huh. 
It's easy to see who got all the personality in that family.
[Clearing Throat]
[Clearing Throat]
Guess what, Herman.
Charlie is staying with us.
He's doing no such thing.
I want him and his phony uranium machine out of this house this instant!
Herman Munster!
How can you talk like that about your own flesh and blood?
Because I've known him longer than you.
Charlie Munster is a scoundrel and a con artist from way back.
The doctor who put him together didn't have an honest bone in his whole laboratory.
Oh, Herman, you're just jealous.
Why, having Charlie here in the house is like a breath of fresh earth.
I agree with Uncle Herman.
There's something not just right about Charlie.
Marilyn's right.
Just why is he showing up now?
I'll tell you why.
Lily, he's heard about that $5,000... your grandmother left you the last time she died.
And he's here to cheat you out of it with that uranium machine.
Why, shame on you, Herman.
And just because of that, I'm gonna check this machine... and prove how wrong you are about Charlie.
Meanwhile, I insist he stay here.
All right. 
All right.
But you will regret it.
I keep telling you... 
Charlie's always been the white sheep in this family.
- When are you gonna believe me? 
When?
- Nevermore.
Just a minute. 
He's right here.
Uncle Charlie, telephone.
The man says it's important.
Oh. 
Well, I wonder who that can be.
I distinctly instructed my secretary not to tell anybody where I was.
- Munster here.
- This is Leo Kraus.
[Coughing]
Oh. 
Oh, uh, hi, Knuckles.
Where's that thousand bucks I put up for that phony machine of yours?
I gave you 24 hours to pay me back.
Well... 
Well, now, a-as... as a matter of fact,
I'm in the process of taking care of that little matter right now.
You've got exactly 24 hours to hand over the dough;
otherwise, you'll get your head broken.
[Chuckles] It's my head broker.
L...
I mean, my head broker.
Well, thank you very much for the advice, Mr. Kraus.
I don't think it's gonna be too difficult to arrange.
You mean to tell me you actually found a sucker to buy that machine?
- There can't be anybody that stupid.
- Oh, but there is.
Which brings me to a very important point.
- I hope you don't mind me selling one of our machines for $5,000.
- $5,000?
I realize it's a ridiculously small amount, but you see, it's for a member of my own family... my favorite sister-in-law.
But why not?
Charlie says his partner gave him special permission to sell it to us.
He says I couldn't make a safer investment.
He says the ocean is full of uranium.
The ocean is also full of suckers, and I'm gonna see to it that you're not one of them.
After all, Grandma did leave that money to me.
And Grandpa's testing the machine.
He saw it work.
No. 
It's a silly idea.
If your grandmother were alive, she'd be turning over in her grave.
As long as Charlie stays in this house, I'm gonna see to it... that that money stays in the wall safe.
Let me see.
What was that combination again?
Oh, yes.
Two turns to the left.
Right to 14.
Back to six.
Now all we do is add a little water from the ocean... and wait for the results that will prove to Uncle Herman... how wrong he was about Uncle Charlie.
[Chuckling]
? 
[Humming]
[Laughing]
Eddie, quick, quick, get my Geiger counter.
Okay, Grandpa.
? 
[Humming Continues] [Soft Crackling]
Huh.
[Loud Crackling]
Maybe I used the wrong ocean.
- Grandpa, this is nothing but sand.
- Sand? 
Plain sand?
To the scientific mind, this means just one thing.
- Yes, it means that Uncle Charlie...
- Broken.
I broke Uncle Charlie's machine.
[Herman] Left three.
Right 16.
Two turns to the left.
Stop at 24.
Aw, it's only gold again.
Oh, I've gotta fix this machine before good old Charlie finds out.
[Herman] To the right.
Seven left.
Sixteen right.
Two turns to the left.
[Clicks]
And presto!
There. 
I'd like to see Charlie get his hands on it now.
[Laughing]
Oh, Charlie, I'm afraid the answer is still no.
You know how Herman is.
I talked to him until I was pink in the face.
That sort of puts me in a funny position, Lily. 
After all, my associates were only doing it as a favor to me.
Well, in case anybody wants me, I'll be down in my laboratory.
I've got a little work to do down there.
[Coughing]
I wish he wouldn't do that.
It gets ashes all over the floor.
Can I heat this up for you?
Oh, thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
We're all out of sugar.
I'll run over to Mrs. Cartwright's and borrow some.
Mrs. Cartwright?
She's the woman next door.
She's very fond of Herman.
He helps her a lot around the house.
Ah.
She's a bit eccentric though.
Been that way ever since her husband died.
- A widow?
- Yes. 
Poor dear.
But fortunately, her husband left her well provided for.
Well, that is fortunate. 
Lily,
I'll get the sugar.
Allow me.
Sit right down.
Oh.
Thank you.
I'll just pop right over.
And I may pick up enough sugar for both of us.
[Knocking On Door] Come in.
Excuse me.
[Gasps] Oh.
Oh, it's... it's you, Mr. Munster.
Oh, hello. 
Uh...
Mrs. Cartwright?
Oh, of course.
Come in, Mr. Munster.
Oh, my, don't you look grand.
What have you done to yourself?
Oh, you mean the suit?
Like it?
Oh, it's very handsome, and I imagine very expensive.
Custom made. 
You see, I made an investment recently... on a little invention that turned out rather well.
Well, on to a good thing and you didn't even tell me about it.
That isn't very neighborly, Mr. Munster.
Call me Herman.
That's right, Knuckles.
I got the five grand.
You can call off your boys.
I unloaded that crazy machine.
Some old biddy named Cartwright.
I'm on my way now with the loot.
I gotta blow town quick before my brother finds out.
And, Charlie, don't do anything cute or your frame will float.
Charlie sold that machine to Mrs. Cartwright?
I was just talking to her through the barbed wire fence.
She's floating on air.
She'll make the fortune we missed.
Lily, that machine is just what I told you it was... a phony.
- "A phony"?
- That's right.
I just sent Marilyn downtown to the National Chemical Institute, and they told her that while seawater is full of uranium, there's absolutely no way of extracting it.
Oh, Herman, you were right about Charlie.
- What are we gonna do?
- We're gonna have to buy back that machine.
But that will take every last cent of Grandma's legacy.
The good name of Munster is more important than any amount of money.
Oh, serves me right for trusting Charlie.
If you don't learn to be more careful, the next time Grandma dies, she'll leave her money to someone else.
After I'm finished with this, I'm gonna kick Charlie out of here... every lock, stock and monocle of him!
Two turns to the left.
Right 14. 
Left...
Oh, the heck with it!
So you see, Mrs. Cartwright, the machine is actually worthless.
So I wouldn't want you to get stuck with it.
If it's worthless, why did you sell it to me?
That wasn't me.
That was my twin brother.
Your twin brother? 
Oh!
Oh, no, no, Mr. Munster.
There couldn't possibly be two like you.
It's really true.
But that's not important now.
Mrs. Cartwright, I'll pay you back your whole $5,000.
I don't know.
I mean, if you'd go to all the trouble... of changing your clothes and making up that story about a twin brother, you must want that machine pretty badly.
I'm just trying to do the right thing.
Well, in that case, you can have it...
Good.
For $5,500.
But, Mrs. Cartwright, you only paid 5,000.
I know. 
I know.
But a poor, defenseless widow like me... has got to make a teeny-weeny bit of profit.
That's the democratic way.
[Grandpa] Charlie.
Charlie, you're not leaving without saying good-bye?
Charlie, I guess you're mad because they told you.
Told me what?
That I broke your machine.
But I didn't mean to.
I was just trying...
That's quite all right, Grandpa.
That's not my problem any longer.
You see, I sold that old machine to Lady Cartwright.
Ooh. 
But she'll be glad to know that I fixed it.
It works just fine now.
But, you see, someone took it out of the lab, and I still have a few adjustments to make.
Forget the machine, Grandpa.
I'm leaving now.
Cheers.
"Fixed it"?
What do you mean, "fixed it"?
Well, look, just a few minutes ago, I made this with the machine.
Huh?
Look at this.
[Crackling Loudly]
What do you think?
That's uranium?
It ain't bat feathers.
Ah, Mrs. Cartwright,
I've decided not to sell you my uranium machine.
I have to have it back.
Yes, I know.
Oh, fine.
So, here's your money.
Let me have the machine.
Mr. Munster, you've already given me the money back and taken the machine.
When did I do that?
Just before you changed your clothes.
But I didn't change my clothes.
Wait a minute.
This fellow who gave you the money back, was he about this tall?
Yes.
Was he built like me?
Uh-huh.
Well, that explains it.
That was my twin brother.
Brother.
Now that we own this thing, what are we gonna do with it?
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do with it.
I'm gonna smash it into 5,500 pieces.
- Don't do that.
- Why not?
It's mine.
I paid for it.
And at least I'm gonna get the pleasure of smashing it.
Charlie Munster, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
How could you do this to us after the way we trusted you?
Charlie, you proved one thing.
Water is thicker than blood.
I suppose you're right.
I ought to be ashamed of myself.
Charlie, you're no good.
And I'll tell you another thing.
You...
What did you say?
I said, you're right.
I am no good.
For the first time in my life, I've been forced to look myself in the face, and it's a pretty frightening picture.
I get the feeling I've just been insulted.
Being here with all of you has, well, shown me the error of my ways.
If you'll just give me another chance, I'll do my best to make it up to you.
Well, if you ask me, it's a little late for that now.
- It's 2:00.
- Shut up!
Nevermore.
I realize I've done a lot of rotten things, but, you see, I've changed.
And to prove it, I'm gonna buy that worthless machine back from you.
Oh, yeah?
- W-When do I get paid?
- Nevermore. [Squawks]
- Oh, do shut up.
- He's wound up too tight.
I'll pay you this very moment.
Oh, well, I...
Here's the money.
Well, Charlie, I...
Well...
Charlie, I... guess I misjudged you.
We all make mistakes.
[Laughing]
We're only human.
Well, cheerio.
At least let me drive you to the station.
Oh, uh, not necessary, old boy.
I already phoned a cab.
Well, ta-ta, all.
Don't forget your old Uncle Charlie.
Eddie, here's a little something for your piggy bank.
[Door Opens]
Good-bye, Charlie.
You made the right decision.
After all, you can't always get by on your good looks.
I suppose you're right.
[Chuckling]
Good-bye. 
Good... 
Good-bye.
Good-bye, Charlie.
Charlie.!
Good-bye, Charlie.
Charlie!
Was that Charlie?
He just left.
Oh, I wanted to talk to him.
You know, he's been acting kind of strange since I fixed his machine.
- "Fixed his machine"?
- Yeah.
I showed him this batch of uranium I made, and he hightailed it over to Mrs. Cartwright like a bat out of heaven.
[Groans]
He tricked me again with that sob story of his.
Darn it!
Look, Pop, the quarter's fake too.
He gypped us all.
That machine was a phony until you made it work.
I'm glad he took it with him.
I wouldn't want that machine around this house.
- Why not?
- Well, I'll tell you.
If he starts fooling with that machine, there's no telling what may happen.
- Driver, to the airport, and step on it.
- What's the hurry, Charlie?
Knuckles.
Where's the five "G"s?
I haven't got it. 
But, Knuckles, I've got something much better.
Both you and I are going to be millionaires.
Just let me show you this machine.
You see, now it really works.
Okay.
But this time it better be good.
He's in the cab, Grandpa.
What was that about the machine?
Oh, nothing.
It's just that the machine...
[Explosion]
The machine's still got a few bugs in it.

HAVE YOU SEEN RICARDO?
I CAN SEE THE BOAT ON THE HORIZON, SENOR PRESIDENTE. 
IT WILL BE HERE SHORTLY.
I'M AFRAID GENERAL D'ALVAREZ CANNOT BE MANY MINUTES BEHIND US.
GOD WILLING, THERE WILL BE TIME.
DEATH TO TRAITORS.
RICARDO!
NO!
[ Gunfire Continues ]
[ Man ] VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA.
STARRING RICHARD BASEHART.
DAVID HEDISON.
VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA.
PRESIDENT FUENTES HAS APPEALED TO THE UNITED STATES FOR HELP?
THAT'S RIGHT.
FOUR DAYS AGO, WE RECEIVED A CODED MESSAGE FROM A VESSEL AT SEA.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE. 
JUST TWO WEEKS AGO AT THE U. N. ...
I KNOW. 
HE'S BEEN CONSISTENT ABOUT ONLY ONE THING SINCE HE TOOK OVER...
HIS HATRED OF US AND FRIENDSHIP FOR ANY OF OUR ENEMIES.
OH, WE WERE SKEPTICAL TOO.
THIS TIME YOU'RE CONVINCED THE APPEAL IS GENUINE?
WE FEEL THAT THE POSSIBILITY MUST BE EXPLORED.
WHAT DOES FUENTES PROPOSE?
HE ASKS THAT WE RENDEZVOUS WITH HIS SHIP AND BRING HIM TO WASHINGTON.
HIS DEFECTION AT A TIME LIKE THIS COULD BE POLITICAL DYNAMITE.
EXACTLY. 
NOW, WE'VE FELT FOR SOME TIME...
THAT FUENTES MAY ACTUALLY BE A PRISONER OF GENERAL D'ALVAREZ AND A GROUP OF ARMY OFFICERS.
WELL, WHY DON'T THEY JUST DISPOSE OF HIM?
BECAUSE HE'S STILL THE HERO OF THE REVOLUTION TO THE PEOPLE.
HAS FUENTES' PROPOSAL BEEN DISCUSSED WITH THE LEADERS OF THE GOVERNMENT IN EXILE?
OH, YES, YES.
ASK SENOR GALDOS TO COME IN.
NOW, THIS IS THE KIND OF A MANEUVER THAT COULD EASILY BACKFIRE.
EXACTLY. 
ABSOLUTE SECRECY IS ESSENTIAL.
THAT'S WHY THE MISSION IS YOURS ANDSEAVIEW'S, ADMIRAL.
OH, WE'RE TO MAKE THE RENDEZVOUS AT SEA.
IF THE APPEAL PROVES GENUINE,
YOU WILL BRING PRESIDENT FUENTES BACK TO THE UNITED STATES.
SHOULD THERE BE ANY COMPLICATION,
YOUR STATUS IS, OF COURSE, UNOFFICIAL.
MM. I UNDERSTAND.
AH, SENOR GALDOS.
COME IN, SENOR. 
I WANT YOU TO MEET A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE.
ADMIRAL HARRIMAN NELSON, THIS IS SENOR GALDOS.
NICE TO MEET YOU, SIR.
HOW DO YOU DO?
I'VE BEEN BRINGING THE ADMIRAL UP TO DATE ON FUENTES,
AND HE SEEMS TO HAVE SOME DOUBT AS TO THE AUTHENTICITY OF PRESIDENT FUENTES' PROPOSAL.
I ASSURE YOU, SIR, WE, TOO, HAVE OUR DOUBTS,
BUT WE ALSO HAVE HOPE FOR OUR COUNTRY.
ONE THING MORE, ADMIRAL.
THE SENOR HAS ASKED PERMISSION TO REPRESENT HIS PEOPLE AT THE RENDEZVOUS.
I KNOW ALEJANDRO FUENTES WELL.
IF HE KEEPS HIS WORD, I WANT TO BE THE FIRST TO GIVE HIM THE WELCOME HE DESERVES.
OKAY, SIR.
[ Crane On Intercom ] ADMIRAL, WE'RE APPROACHING THE DESIGNATED RENDEZVOUS AT EXACTLY "H" HOUR,
BUT SO FAR SONAR HASN'T PICKED UP THE YACHT.
KEEP US POSTED, LEE.
AYE, SIR.
WE MAY HAVE HAD OUR TRIP FOR NOTHING.
I'VE LEARNED NOT TO DEPEND ON ALEJANDRO.
YOU ONCE FOUGHT FOR THE SAME THINGS.
SO I THOUGHT, UNTIL WE WON.
ALEJANDRO HATED TYRANNY ONLY AS LONG AS SOMEONE ELSE WAS THE TYRANT.
NOW IT SEEMS HE'S HAD A CHANGE OF HEART. 
WE'LL SEE.
[ Crane On Intercom ] ADMIRAL? 
YES?
SONAR'S PICKED UP A SHIP, SIR.
GOOD. 
TAKE 'ER UP, LEE.
AYE, SIR.
APPARENTLY FUENTES HAS KEPT THE RENDEZVOUS.
I'M GLAD.
THERE'S NO RESPONSE TO OUR SIGNALS, SIR.
SHALL I TAKE A BOARDING PARTY AND INVESTIGATE?
[ Nelson ] YES, BUT CAUTIOUSLY.
SHE COULD BE BOOBY-TRAPPED.
I'LL GO WITH YOU.
GOOD.
IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
THE LIFEBOATS ARE IN PLACE, AND THERE'S NO ONE ABOARD.
SO ARE THE LIFE JACKETS, AND I FOUND NOTHING.
LOOK.
IT'S ALEJANDRO'S RING.
WHEN HE'S NERVOUS, HE HAS A HABIT OF SLIPPING IT ON AND OFF.
SO PRESIDENT FUENTES WAS ABOARD.
OR WE ARE SUPPOSED TO THINK HE WAS.
AND I FOUND THIS ON THE CHAIR OF THE WHEELHOUSE.
I DON'T THINK THIS RING COULD BE A DELIBERATE PLANT.
THEY COULDN'T BE CERTAIN ANY OF US WOULD RECOGNIZE IT AS FUENTES'.
UNLESS THEY KNOW I AM WITH YOU.
FOR THE MOMENT I'M GOING TO ASSUME THAT PRESIDENT FUENTES...
TRIED TO KEEP THE RENDEZVOUS AS PLANNED, WAS SEIZED AND TAKEN OFF THE YACHT.
THAT MEANS ANOTHER SHIP IN THESE WATERS.
ORDER RADAR SCANNING, LEE.
RIGHT.
UH, LEE.
PUT A PRIZE CREW ABOARD THE YACHT AND SEND IT TO THE NEAREST PORT.
NAVIGATION FROM HERE TO THE MAINLAND WILL BE TRICKY, ADMIRAL. 
SHOALING WATER, REEFS.
[ Nelson ] WELL, LEE, YOU'VE SAILED THESE WATERS IN SMALL CRAFT.
PERHAPS YOU'D BETTER COMMAND THE PRIZE CREW. 
AYE, SIR.
AND MAINTAIN RADIO CONTACT WHILE WE SEARCH FOR THE OTHER SHIP. 
AYE, SIR.
CAPTAIN CRANE,
HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT FUNNY PATCH OF FOG? 
WE'RE MOVING RIGHT INTO IT.
CAME UP OUT OF NOWHERE. 
EXCUSE ME, SIR. 
ADMIRAL WISHES TO SPEAK TO YOU.
- RIGHT. 
CRANE HERE, SIR.
- THE SONAR'S PICKED UP ANOTHER SHIP.
SMALL, FAST, HEADED TOWARD YOU ON A COLLISION COURSE. 
HAVE YOU SIGHTED HER?
NO, SIR. 
I JUST HAD A LOOK, BUT THERE'S NO CRAFT IN SIGHT.
BUT SHE MAY BE HIDDEN IN A SMALL PATCH OF LOCAL FOG THAT WE'RE JUST ENTERING.
SIR, IT'S RIGHT ALONGSIDE. 
SONAR REPORTS THE OTHER SHIP RIGHT ALONGSIDE.
[ Coughing ]
ADMIRAL, THE FOG, IT...
[ Coughing ]
LEE.
COME IN, LEE.
LEE. 
LEE, COME IN.
LEE, COME IN.
SEAVIEWTOLIBERTAD.
SEAVIEWTOLIBERTAD.
KEEP TRYING.
YES, SIR.
MR. MORTON, STAND BY TO CHANGE COURSE. 
AYE, AYE, SIR.
[ Man On Radio ] SEAVIEWTOLIBERTAD.
SEAVIEWTOLIBERTAD.
REPORT FROMBARRACUDA, MI GENERAL. 
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
VERY GOOD.
NOW, HOW ABOUT SENOR PRESIDENTE?
RESTING QUIETLY. 
AND WILL BE FOR SEVERAL HOURS.
APPARENTLY THE LETHION GAS IS AS EFFECTIVE AS YOU PREDICTED, COLONEL.
THANKS TO YOUR COUNTRY'S GENEROSITY, WE HAVE THE WEAPON OF TOMORROW TODAY.
HAS THE PRIZE CREW BEEN REMOVED FROM THE YACHT?
YES, SIR. 
THEY'RE ALL ABOARD THEBARRACUDA.
ARRANGE FOR A SUITABLE ESCORT TO MEET OUR PRISONERS AS SOON AS THEY DOCK.
BRING THEM HERE IMMEDIATELY. 
YES, SIR.
FORTUNATE YOU ANTICIPATED THIS FOOLISH MOVE.
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MOST EMBARRASSING.
NOW WE'LL BE ABLE TO TURN IT TO OUR MUTUAL ADVANTAGE. [ Glasses Clink Together ]
THEY DELIBERATELY LEFT THE YACHT FOR US TO FIND.
NATURALLY. 
THEY KNEW WE'D PUT A PRIZE CREW ABOARD, AND THEY WANTED TO TAKE IT.
PROBABLY FOR PROPAGANDA.
MAYBE ALEJANDRO WAS NEVER ANYTHING BUT BAIT IN THE TRAP.
YOU'RE DEDICATED TO DISTRUSTING HIM, AREN'T YOU?
I'VE REPORTED THE SITUATION TO WASHINGTON. 
THEY MADE IT VERY CLEAR...
THAT WE'LL GET NO SUPPORT IF THERE'S MORE TROUBLE. [ Knocking ]
- YEAH.
- WE JUST RECEIVED A CODED MESSAGE, ADMIRAL.
AH, THE RESISTANCE FIGHTERS WILL MEET US TODAY AT 1800 IN BANYAN COVE.
YOU KNOW THE PLACE?
YES.
THE BEACH IS FLAT, OPEN WITH NO COVER.
IT WILL NOT BE EASY TO AVOID BEING SEEN BY THE PATROLS.
WE'LL HAVE TO RISK IT.
[ Chattering ]
OH, WHAT A HEADACHE.
OH, YEAH.
LIKE THE WORLD'S WORST HANGOVER,
AND I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD A DRINK.
WHAT WAS THAT FOG, SIR?
SOME KIND OF NEW NERVE GAS, I GUESS.
WHY DID THEY WANT TO shanghai US? 
[ Coughs ]
HEY.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
[ Men Coughing ]
[ Snaps Fingers ]
[ Door Squeaks ]
GENTLEMEN, I AM GENERAL ESTEBAN D'ALVAREZ.
WELL, WHY WERE WE KIDNAPPED? 
HEY!
YOU ARE CAPTAIN LEE CRANE.
YOUR WALLET.
I ASKED A QUESTION.
YOU'RE NOT KIDNAPPED.
YOU WERE ARRESTED,
WHILE ATTEMPTING TO KIDNAP OUR BELOVEDPRESIDENTE, ALEJANDRO FUENTES.
WHO'S GONNA BELIEVE THAT?
ALL OF MY COUNTRYMEN.
BECAUSE THEY'RE AFRAID NOT TO.
BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO PUBLICLY ADMIT YOUR GUILT.
I'LL ADMIT NOTHING, PUBLICLY OR PRIVATELY.
YOU MAY CHANGE YOUR MIND.
ANOTHER ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE.
TO CELEBRATE THE FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF OUR LIBERATION,
I PROMISED THAT EVERY HOUR ONE TRAITOR WILL DIE,
FROM NOW UNTIL MIDNIGHT TOMORROW.
NAMES ARE BEING DRAWN BY LOT FROM THE CONDEMNED MEN HERE.
YOUR FOUR NAMES ARE ALREADY INCLUDED AND WILL REMAIN SO...
UNTIL YOU ADVISE ME THAT YOU ARE READY TO MAKE THE PUBLIC CONFESSION OF YOUR GUILT.
CAPTAIN.
GENTLEMEN.
I¡¡ATENCIOÓÓN!
CAPTAIN, YOU THINK HE MEANS IT?
NO, HE'S JUST TRYING TO THROW A BLUFF INTO US.
[ Man Yells In Spanish ] YEAH, YEAH, HE'S JUST BLUFFIN'.
- [ Man Yells In Spanish ] -[ Gunfire ]
[ Snaps Fingers ]
WELL, ALEJANDRO,
YOUR TRIP WAS SHORTER THAN YOU PLANNED.
YOU UNDERESTIMATED ME, HUH?
ESTEBAN, THEY ARE USING YOU.
ALEJANDRO, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOU HAVE LIVED TOO LONG.
IN THE EARLY DAYS, YOU SERVED A PURPOSE.
NOW YOU'RE IN THE WAY.
THEN WHY DID YOU BRING ME BACK, EH?
YOUR DEFECTION COULD CAUSE TROUBLE.
I HAVE TO PRESERVE YOUR IMAGE.
THE GALLANT FIGHTER, HEROIC TO THE END, HUH?
IF ONLY THOSE FOOLS HAD LET GALDOS SHOOT YOU.
I WON'T BE USED BY YOU ANYMORE.
- I WILL TELL THE PEOPLE THE TRUTH.
-DOCTOR!
NO, PLEASE. 
DON'T DRUG ME. 
HEY, YOU, COME HERE. 
HELP THE DOCTOR.
[ Struggling ] OH, NO. 
PLEASE NO!
A CODED MESSAGE THAT WAS INTERCEPTED...
FROM THE RESISTANCE MOVEMENT TO THESEAVIEW.
THEY MEAN TO ATTEMPT A LANDING IN BANYAN COVE AT 6:00.
BE READY FOR THEM.
YES, SIR.
DOUBLE THE COASTAL PATROL. 
ALERT ALL SUBCHASERS AND TORPEDO BOATS.
VERY GOOD, SIR.
MARK.
ALL STOP.
WE'RE A THOUSAND YARDS OFF BANYAN COVE, SIR.
WE'LL HOLD THIS POSITION TILL ZERO HOURS MINUS 30 MINUTES,
THEN SURFACE TO ALLOW THE LANDING PARTY TO DISEMBARK.
WHO ELSE WILL GO WITH YOU?
JUST SEAMAN WILLIAMS.
YOU COMMAND THESEAVIEW, MR. MORTON. 
RIGHT, SIR.
AFTER WE DISEMBARK, SUBMERGE AND RETURN TO A POSITION OUTSIDE THE THREE-MILE ZONE.
WHEN WILL WE PICK YOU UP?
GIVE US EXACTLY 48 HOURS.
IF WE'RE NOT WAITING FOR YOU, PROCEED AT ONCE TO HOME BASE.
EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT I JUST PICKED UP ANOTHER CODED MESSAGE.
FROM THE RESISTANCE FORCES?
THIS TIME THEY USED ANOTHER CODE.
"LANDING PLANS KNOWN. 
CHANGE RENDEZVOUS TO BAY OF RED CLIFFS. 
TIME 1700."
THAT'S ONE HOUR EARLIER.
THIS MAY BE FROM D'ALVAREZ.
NO. 
IF HE KNEW ABOUT THE ORIGINAL PLAN, WHY BOTHER TO CHANGE IT?
HE'D SIMPLY WAIT FOR US AT BANYAN COVE.
BUT THE RED CLIFFS ARE THE PLACE I WOULD HAVE CHOSEN.
MR. MORTON, PROCEED TO THE BAY OF RED CLIFFS. 
RIGHT, SIR.
WE HAVE A FRIEND CLOSE TO D'ALVAREZ.
[ Air Hissing ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Gasps ] RICARDO.
RICARDO. 
RICARDO.
IT CAN'T BE.
I SAW THEM KILL YOU.
I WAS SO SURE.
THEY WERE JUST AS SURE, BUT NOW I'M BACK,
AND I'M GOING TO FINISH WHAT I STARTED.
NO!
YOU ARE WRONG.
THAT REMAINS TO BE SEEN.
WHY WAIT HERE, DETTA?
THERE WILL BE ROADBLOCKS.
I KNOW, BUT THE LONGER WE WAIT, THE LESS CHANCE OF GETTING THROUGH THEM.
WE'VE GOT LESS THAN TWO DAYS.
[ Door Opens ]
[ Detta ] IT'S ALL RIGHT.
[ Indistinct Whispering ]
YEAH.
THEY HAVE TAKEN YOUR MEN TO THE PRESIDENTIAL PALACE.
ARE THEY ALL RIGHT? 
THEY HAVE NOT HARMED THEM AS YET.
WHEN CAN WE GET THEM?
I THINK I KNOW A WAY PAST THE ROADBLOCK.
WE MUST WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.
TOMORROW NIGHT?
YES.
REMEMBER, IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO GET INTO THE CITY.
WE MUST GET INSIDE THE PALACE.
CAN YOU HELP US DO THAT?
I THINK SO, IF YOU TRUST ME.
I TRUST YOU.
WILLIAMS, MIGHT AS WELL GET SOME REST IF WE CAN.
IF WE CAN.
WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?
I THOUGHT YOU HAD DIED.
DID YOU CARE, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER?
WHY WOULD YOU NEED TO ASK?
IS THERE NOTHING IN YOU BUT HATRED FOR ALEJANDRO?
RICARDO, YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT HIM.
BUT FOR YOU, I WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM, RIGHT THERE ON THE PIER.
PLEASE, LISTEN.
HE HAS NOT CHANGED, I KNOW.
HE'S ONLY PRETENDED TO SIDE WITH D'ALVAREZ,
SO HE COULD CONTINUE HAVING SOME CONTROL OVER HIM.
HE HATES WHAT D'ALVAREZ STANDS FOR, HAS DONE, IS DOING.
HE SHOULD HAVE SIDED WITH ME, FOUGHT D'ALVAREZ WHEN I WANTED TO.
YOU BOTH WOULD HAVE ENDED UP AGAINST A WALL.
DIFFERENT MEN HAVE DIFFERENT WAYS OF FIGHTING.
MY WAY OF FIGHTING WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ALEJANDRO,
UNTIL AFTER HE WON.
DO THEY KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT?
DO YOU?
WE WERE MEANT TO GET THAT MESSAGE ABOUT THE BANYAN COVE LANDING.
WE WERE DECOYED AWAY FROM THE REAL LANDING AT RED CLIFFS.
SO IT SEEMS, SIR.
I WANT ROADBLOCKS ON EVERY HIGHWAY.
I WANT EVERY VEHICLE STOPPED AND SEARCHED.
I WANT EVERY PERSON THOROUGHLY QUESTIONED.
DO WE KNOW HOW MANY ARE IN THE LANDING PARTY, SIR?
MAYBE ONE, MAYBE A DOZEN.
ONE THING IS CERTAIN, CAPTAIN: 
TO GET WHAT THEY WANT, THEY HAVE TO COME TO US, HUH?
THE TRAP IS BAITED, SO WE WAIT.
A LITTLE MORE THAN THAT.
THE SUBMARINE MUST BE NEARBY WAITING TO PICK THEM UP AGAIN, HUH?
OUR FRIENDS CAME INTO OUR COUNTRY UNINVITED.
PERHAPS WE CAN SEE TO IT THAT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM TO LEAVE, HMM?
YES, SIR.
HMM.
[ Clattering ]
CAPTAIN.
YEAH?
WHAT TIME IS IT?
ALMOST 7:00.
IF THEY WERE COMING AFTER US, THEY'D BE HERE BY NOW.
THAT'S RIGHT.
[ Footsteps ]
HEY, CAPTAIN, IF YOU SAY WHAT THAT GUY WANTS, WOULD IT REALLY BE SO BAD?
I MEAN, LOOK. 
WHO'D BELIEVE IT?
LOTS OF PEOPLE UNFORTUNATELY.
ONLY THOSE WHO WANNA THINK THE WORST ABOUT AMERICANS ANYWAY.
IT'S THE PEOPLE ON THE FENCE HE WANTS TO INFLUENCE.
YEAH. 
YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
KOWALSKI?
THE ADMIRAL'S DOING EVERYTHING HE CAN TO FIND US, TO HELP US. 
YOU KNOW THAT.
OH, SURE. 
BUT WHAT CAN HE DO AGAINST A WHOLE COUNTRY?
[ Man ] I¡¡ATENCIOÓÓN!
-I¡¡APUNTEN! 
I¡¡FUEGO!
-[ Gunfire ]
TIME'S RUNNING OUT, CAPTAIN.
[ Bag Pops ]
I HATE THIS WAITING.
I'D RATHER DO ANYTHING BUT WAIT.
THAT'S ONE REASON WHY I NEVER GOT MARRIED.
MR. MORTON.
I JUST PICKED UP THIS CODED MESSAGE.
SAME AS THE FIRST ONE YESTERDAY.
"SEAVIEW, MISSION COMPLETED.
RENDEZVOUS SAME PLACE NOON TOMORROW."
NOON?
THE ADMIRAL SAID 1800.
THINGS MUST HAVE WENT SMOOTHER THAN HE THOUGHT THEY WOULD.
IT'S NOT LIKE THE ADMIRAL TO MAKE A CHANGE LIKE THIS MIDWAY.
BUT IF THE GUYS ARE OUT THERE, THE QUICKER WE GET 'EM OUT, THE BETTER.
IF THERE WERE SOME WAY TO CONFIRM THIS.
BUT THERE AIN'T. 
AND IF THE ADMIRAL AND THE GUYS ARE THERE AND WAITING AT NOON,
AND WE DON'T SHOW UP?
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THERE'S NO CHOICE.
WHAT IS IT?
D'ALVAREZ CALLS IT...
THE INSTITUTE FOR ADVANCED SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH.
IT'S WHERE THEY MAKE LETHION. 
LETHION?
THE NERVE GAS WHICH PARALYZES IN SECONDS.
AH, YES, THE FOG THAT LEE DESCRIBED.
OUR FRIEND AND ALLY BUILT THIS PLANT.
MOST OF THE TECHNICIANS ARE FOREIGNERS.
DETTA, WE DON'T WANT A GUIDED TOUR.
HOW DO WE GET TO THE CAPITAL?
TRUCKS WHICH HAUL THE GAS HAVE TOP PRIORITY.
THEY'LL LET THEM PASS THE ROADBLOCKS.
QUICKLY, GET THEIR UNIFORMS.
[ Murmuring ]
THE RENDEZVOUS WAS SET FOR NOON.
I WANT THE ENTIRE BAY OF THE RED CLIFFS SATURATED WITH DEPTH CHARGES AT THAT TIME.
YES, CORRECT.
EL PRESIDENTE.
ALEJANDRO.
THE PEOPLE CELEBRATE THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE GREAT REVOLUTION.
THEY'RE IMPATIENT.
JUST LISTEN.
SOME OF THEM HAVE BEEN OUT THERE SINCE DAWN,
WAITING TO GET EVEN A GLIMPSE OF THEIR HERO.
CAN'T...
GO... 
OUT.
OF COURSE YOU CAN.
BECAUSE WE'LL GO ARM IN ARM. 
I'LL BE SUPPORTING YOU, AS I ALWAYS HAVE.
NO, PLEASE.
NO!
TODAY, JUST AN APPEARANCE TO SILENCE ANY VICIOUS RUMORS THAT MAY HAVE BEEN CIRCULATED.
NO SPEECH. 
JUST LET THE PEOPLE LOOK AT YOU FOR A FEW MOMENTS.
LET THEM CHEER YOU.
LET THEM BE REASSURED.
[ Crowd Murmuring ]
RAISE YOUR ARM.
RAISE IT!
[ Crowd Cheers ] HIGHER.
[ Cell Door Lock Clicks, Door Opens ]
WELL, CAPTAIN CRANE, YOU'RE STILL UNWILLING TO CONFORM?
VERY WELL.
WHICH ONE OF YOU IS, UH,
FARRELL.
HEY, FARRELL, YOUR NAME HAS BEEN CHOSEN.
COME ON, FARRELL, QUICKLY.
[ Snaps Fingers ]
CAPTAIN!
CAPTAIN CRANE?
FARRELL?
KOWALSKI!
CAPTAIN CRANE!
LET ME GO, YOU...
CAPTAIN CRANE!
[ Yells ]
[ Man Yelling ]
GET OFF! 
GET INSIDE! 
BOTH OF YOU!
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, SIR? 
YOU'RE A LITTLE LATE WITH YOUR CONCERN.
I'M VERY SORRY, SIR. 
MY ATTENTION WAS DISTRACTED. 
THAT'S OF NO IMPORTANCE.
THE BLINDNESS IS TEMPORARY, CAPTAIN. 
IT WILL PASS.
CAPTAIN CRANE!
KOWALSKI!
CAPTAIN CRANE!
FARRELL!
YOU FILTHY BUTCHERS!
THERE'S STILL TIME TO SAVE HIM, CAPTAIN.
SAY THE WORD, I WILL STEP TO THE WINDOW.
[ Man ] I¡¡APUNTEN! 
I¡¡FUEGO
[ Gunfire ]
I DO NOT KNOW WHICH OF YOUR CREW WILL BE NEXT, CAPTAIN CRANE,
BUT I CAN PROMISE YOU THAT YOU WILL LIVE TO SEE ALL OF THEM DIE.
GET IN THERE!
WE'RE APPROACHING RED CLIFFS, SIR. 
STAND BY TO SURFACE.
MR. MORTON, THAT MESSAGE ABOUT THE NOON RENDEZVOUS WAS A PHONY.
THIS WARNING JUST CAME THROUGH. 
IT'S A TRAP.
[ Explosions ]
RIG FOR DEPTH CHARGES!
[ Explosions ]
BATTLE STATIONS!
BATTLE STATIONS!
[ Man ] NO SHIP CONTACT.
THEY MUST BE PLANES.
TAKE 'ER DOWN, VERTICAL DIVE.
I-I AM SORRY.
THEY HAVE KILLED ONE OF YOUR MEN.
DO YOU KNOW WHICH ONE?
A MAN CALLED FARRELL.
[ Scoffs ] WHY?
WHAT COULD THEY POSSIBLY HOPE TO GAIN BY IT?
THEY ALSO DEMAND A PUBLIC CONFESSION FROM YOUR CAPTAIN CRANE.
THEY WILL KILL HIM TOO.
WE HAVE THE TRUCK, THE GAS.
WE KNOW WHAT TO DO.
YET WE HIDE IN THIS PLACE.
WHY?
WE HAVE A GOOD FRIEND IN THE PALACE.
HE SAYS IT WILL BE EASIER DURING THE SIESTA.
DETTA, IF WE WAIT ANY LONGER, THEY MAY KILL THE OTHERS.
WE HAVE TO BE AT THE BAY OF RED CLIFFS BEFORE 6:00 TONIGHT.
IF WE ARE TO SUCCEED, WE MUSTN'T GO BEFORE 3:00. 
I KNOW THERE WILL BE TIME.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF WAITING!
NO, RICARDO. 
IF WE GO NOW, WE FAIL. 
WE DIE.
I SAY WE GO.
PATIENCE.
THREE MORE HOURS WON'T COOL YOUR HATRED.
AND WHAT DO YOU SAY?
- WE WAIT.
- WHAT ABOUT YOUR MEN?
THROWING AWAY OUR LIVES WON'T HELP THEM ANY.
ADMIRAL, WHY ARE YOU HERE?
- NOT TO BE A MARTYR.
- I'M A PATRIOT!
AND A FOOL.
[ Explosion ]
WE JUST HAVE TO LIE HERE AND LET THEM POUND US TO PIECES.
WE'VE HAD A LONG JOURNEY TOGETHER.
PERHAPS NOW IT IS NEARLY OVER.
YOU STILL DREAM OF BRIGHT, NEW TOMORROWS, DETTA.
THEY NEVER COME.
I STILL DREAM.
YES, RICARDO.
I-I STILL DREAM FOR US.
I NO LONGER BELIEVE IN SUCH VISIONS.
THIS IS AN END, NOT A BEGINNING.
LET'S START.
ALL RIGHT.
YES, COLONEL.
YES.
I-I'LL CHECK INTO IT AT ONCE.
I WILL EXPECT YOU.
HEY, SERRA.
YES, SIR.
COME HERE.
I'VE JUST BEEN ADVISED THAT A TRUCK...
CARRYING A SHIPMENT OF LETHION FROM THE INSTITUTE...
HAS BEEN MISSING SINCE EARLY MORNING.
IT'S POSSIBLE THAT OUR LANDING PARTY HAS COMMANDEERED IT.
ISSUE AN IMMEDIATE ALERT.
AT ONCE, SIR.
CHIEF.
HOW ARE THE REPAIRS GOING?
SLOW.
THEY DID A LOT OF DAMAGE.
THEY'D HAVE DONE A LOT MORE IF WE HADN'T FIRED THAT PHONY DEBRIS THROUGH THE TUBES.
HOW MUCH LONGER DO YOU THINK IT WILL BE? 
TWO, THREE HOURS AT LEAST.
IT'S ALMOST 1500. 
IN THREE HOURS, WE HAVE TO BE WAITING FOR THE ADMIRAL.
AYE, AYE, SIR.
THAT WAS A VERY GOOD SHOT.
EXCUSE ME, GENTLEMEN.
WHICH ONE OF YOU IS, UM...
[ Chuckles ] UH...
PATTERSON.
STILL NO STATEMENT, CAPTAIN?
AS YOU WISH.
[ Snaps Fingers ]
[ Lock Clicks Open ]
[ Cell Door Closes ]
[ Men Coughing ]
- [ Yelling In Spanish ] - [ Gunshots ]
[ Men Coughing ]
[ Man Yelling In Spanish ]
CRANE, WHERE ARE YOU?
WHERE ARE YOU, CRANE?
ADMIRAL, OVER HERE!
PUT THESE ON QUICKLY.
ALL RIGHT.
WHERE'S RICARDO? 
GONE TO GET THE PRESIDENT.
HE'S GONE TO KILL HIM.
HURRY. 
THE GAS IS PARALYZING.
THE MISSING TRUCK PASSED THE ROADBLOCK BEFORE NOON.
THEY'RE HERE IN THE CAPITAL.
[ Coughing ]
LETHION.
THEY'RE IN THE PALACE.
SOUND THE ALARM.
I'LL SEE TO THEPRESIDENTE.
[ Breathing Heavily ]
[ Breathing Faster ] HUH?
RICARDO?
A DREAM?
NO, NO DREAM.
C-COME TO KILL ME?
I TOLD YOU I WOULD.
JUST AS WELL.
JUST AS WELL.
JUST AS WELL.
WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THAT?
ARE YOU TOO DRUNK TO REALIZE WHAT'S HAPPENING?
DRUGGED. 
DRUGGED.
D'ALVAREZ DRUG...
HEY!
[ Ring Squirts ]
STEBAN!
NELSON. 
I CAN'T SEE, MY EYES.
CAPTAIN, WE HAVE TO GET HIM OUT OF HERE. 
QUICKLY.
[ Groans ]
THIS IS CAPTAIN SERRA.
INFORM THE PATROL AT RED CLIFFS TO RETURN TO THEIR BARRACKS.
YES. 
YES, THE ALERT HAS BEEN CANCELED.
NOW SWITCH ME TO THE COMMANDER OF THE COURTYARD GUARDS. [ Explosion ]
[ Serra Coughing ]
[ Alarm Wailing ] KOWALSKI, START THE TRUCK.
THE ALARM. 
IN A MOMENT, THIS PLACE WILL BE SWARMING WITH SOLDIERS.
- COME ON.
- [ Gunshot ]
- IT'S EMPTY.
- [ Gunshot ]
[ Truck Engine Cranking ]
WHAT'S WRONG?
IT WON'T START.
TURN IT OVER.
I'LL TRY AND GET THE GAS.
THERE'S A MACHINE GUN AT THE GATE.
- I'LL HOLD THEM OFF UNTIL YOU GET AWAY.
- RICARDO, YOU HAVE DONE ENOUGH.
I HAVE DONE NOTHING UNLESS YOU ARE SAFE.
YOU HAVE WORK TO DO OUTSIDE.
MY PLACE IS HERE UNTIL YOU RETURN.
RICARDO, WAIT FOR ME.
I WANT TO GO WITH YOU.
-ARE YOU SURE?
- YES.
[ Gunshots ]
-[ Machine Gun Fire ] 
- KOWALSKI, GO!
[ Gunfire Continues ]
[ Machine Gun Firing ]
THE FIRING STOPPED.
BUT NOT FOR LONG.

~ 'S wonderful ~
~ 'S marvellous ~
~ You should care for me ~
~ 'S awful nice ~
~ 'S paradise ~
~ 'S what I love to see ~
~ You made my life so glamorous ~
~ You can't blame me for feeling amorous... ~
Now, is this a bit of terrific? 
Hm?
Last night she was banging on my door for 45 minutes... but I wouldn't let her out.
~ 'S wonderful ~
~ 'S marvellous ~
~ That you should care for me ~
Don't worry. 
I'll get the mail, Ma. 
I'll get it.
Speaking of my ma...
I have an amazing mother.
She's 85 years old and she don't need glasses.
She drinks right outta the bottle.
She don't even open them any more - she goes right through the label.
And drinking?
My doctor said "Stop drinking."
So I'm not gonna drink any more.
I'm gonna freeze it and eat it like a Popsicle.
~ 'S wonderful ~
~ 'S marvellous ~
~ You should care for me Two, three, four ~
~ 'S awful nice ~
~ 'S paradise ~
~ 'S what I love to see ~
This is my last night here. 
Tomorrow I'm going to Hollywood to make a picture - me, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Junior and Joey Bishop - called Little Women.
But before that I'm gonna do a TV special with Bing Crosby.
Why Bing works so hard I'll never know.
He's got $21 million... on him.
~ My dear, it's four-leaved clover time ~
~ From now on my heart's working overtime ~
I don't care who you are, fat man.
You get them reindeers off my roof.
~ 'S wonderful ~
~ 'S marvellous ~
~ That you should care for me ~
Good night! 
Good luck! 
See you next year!
Great, Dino. 
Only great.
They were rolling in the aisles.
Why didn't somebody take their dice away?
- Dino?
- Hm?
Am I going to see you before you leave?
Just one last nightcap?
- You got it.
- I'll be in my room.
Keep your hat on.
- What's her name? 
Mitzi?
- No. 
Sylvia.
This one is Mitzi.
Dino, are we going to get together tonight?
Just one for the road, huh?
- It's a must.
- My room later. 
OK?
- This is looking like Custer's last stand.
- Like what?
It isn't just Sylvia and Mitzi.
There are other Indians.
Janet in the dressing room, Juicy Lucy in your suite and the German twins in the steam room.
That's the idea. 
Now everybody's stashed away, I can beat it.
So pack my stuff and put it in the car.
You're gonna leave without saying goodbye?
Damn right. 
If I start saying goodbye to all these dames, you'll have to carry me out.
What's left of me. 
In a cigar box... baby.
What's the matter?
That Sinatra kid missing again?
We had a bad pile-up down the highway.
- You'll have to take the detour.
- Where does that lead to?
You come out at Barstow by way of Warm Springs, Paradise Valley and Climax.
It's the only way to go.
- Fill her up?
- Yeah. 
No, over here.
- Anything else?
- No, thanks.
Hey! 
You forgot your green stamps!
Hi, Barney!
~ Deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle ~
No, no, Mulligan.
You've got an extra deedle in there.
It's six deedles, not seven.
Let's not monkey around with Beethoven, shall we? 
Once more.
- Orville?
- Yes, dear?
What's the matter?
Please, dear. 
Not now.
Oh.
Mulligan, not only do you have a tin ear, you have lead fingers.
- Who ever told you to take up the piano?
- You did, sir.
Well, I need the money, but what's your excuse?
It says here "molto espressione" which means "with much expression", with feeling, with heart!
From the top again.
'A' natural. 'A' natural!
- Just a minute.
- Hi there, Mr Spooner.
Don't "Hi there" me. 
I know your type, sneaking around to back doors.
- All right. 
Let's have it.
- Have what?
That note my wife left you.
You must think I'm stupid.
Note? 
Oh, yeah, sure. 
The note.
She wanted two quarts of milk and a dozen eggs.
A likely story!
"Two quarts of milk. 
One dozen eggs.'
- What's it all about?
- I'll tell you.
It's about... buttermilk! 
She forgot to order buttermilk. 
She doesn't like it, but I do.
There's nothing like buttermilk - especially if you have a lazy colon.
Excuse me.
No, no, Mulligan.
Now you're leaving out a deedle.
There are six deedles, not five.
Orville?
- Yes, Lambchop?
- Zip me up, will you, please?
- Going somewhere?
- Yes, and I'm late.
- I don't want to keep him waiting.
- Of course not.
- Him? 
Whom?
- The dentist.
- Got a toothache?
- No. 
To have my teeth cleaned.
- You just had them cleaned.
- I have to go every three months.
Dr Sheldrake says I have very tender gums.
Oh, he does, does he?
- Bye, darling.
- Bye.
- Where did you get those flowers?
- They're from Johnnie.
I picked them myself.
- Isn't he sweet?
- Yes, isn't he?
Well, I'm off. 
See you, Johnnie.
- How old are you, Mulligan?
- 14, going on 15.
- Pretty big for your age, aren't you?
- That's what they tell me.
- You stay away from my wife, you hear?
- What?
Pussyfooting around behind my back!
Bringing flowers to a married woman!
Let go of me!
You oughta be horsewhipped!
And don't you ever come back here again!
You teenage wolf!
You male Lolita!
Orville! 
Hey, Orville!
Listen to this. 
I think I got it.
- Are you ready? "I'm a Poached Egg." 
- You're a what?
"I'm a Poached Egg." That's it. 
The title of the song.
- What song?
- The new one you played me yesterday.
- Oh, that one.
- I worked out the lyric. 
Wanna hear it?
- Not now. 
I got things on my mind.
- Come on.
- I'm not in the mood.
- It's a dilly, I tell you.
Give me a pick-up.
~ I'm a poached egg without a piece of toast ~
~ Yorkshire pudding without a beef to roast ~
~ I'm a haunted house that hasn't got a ghost ~
~ When I'm without you ~
- Brilliant!
- Hm.
~ I'm a mousetrap without a piece of cheese ~
~ I'm Vienna without the Viennese ~
~ I'm da Vinci without the Mona Lis' when I'm... ~
- Mona Lis'?
- That's what makes it.
The irregularity.
That unexpected little twist. 
Keep playing.
- It's ridiculous.
- What do you mean, ridiculous?
This whole song-writing business.
What are we knocking ourselves out for?
We must have written 50 songs.
- 62.
- And what's happened? 
Nothing.
We write them, we send them to all the publishers and record companies and singers.
Tony Bennett, Barbra Streisand, Nat King Cole, the Four Freshmen.
And do we ever hear from any of them? 
No!
They just steal the stamps from the return envelopes.
Are we gonna go through that again?
Irving Berlin wrote a hundred songs before "Alexander's Ragtime Band".
And what about George Gershwin and Richard Rodgers?
They were professionals. 
We're amateurs, buried here in Climax, Nevada!
Where do you think Cole Porter came from? 
Peru, Indiana.
Hank Mancini? 
Aliquippa, Pennsylvania.
Johnny Mercer? 
Savannah, Georgia.
And he only won four Academy Awards!
So play.
~ I'm Las Vegas without a slot machine ~
~ I'm a gypsy without a tambourine ~
~ I'm Napoleon without a Josephine ~
~ When I'm without you ~
Gets better all the time, huh?
~ I'm a doctor without a single pill ~
~ I'm a lawyer who never drew a will ~
~ I'm a dentist without a tooth to fill when I'm... ~
Tender gums. 
That's a hell of a thing to say to a married woman.
- What are you talking about?
- It's that new dentist.
I can't keep her away from the place.
She's there now, in the chair.
He's tilting her all the way back.
He's giving her laughing gas.
She's laughing. 
He's laughing too.
They're both laughing - at me!
- Relax, Orville. 
You'll drive yourself crazy.
- Dr Sheldrake. 
Sheldrake. 
Dr Sheldrake.
Did you hear the one about the nearsighted turtle who fell in love with a helmet?
Then there was the nearsighted snake who proposed to a piece of rope!
Hello. 
This is Dr Sheldrake.
I told you. 
Listen to them.
I know what you're laughing at, you and my wife.
I shall report you to the Dental Association.
- Who is this?
- The husband, and you're not kidding me.
I know what you're doing to her.
I'm putting an inlay in her lower left bicuspid.
I thought so! 
Let me talk to her.
Mrs Mulligan, your husband on the phone.
Mrs Mulligan?
I want to talk to Mrs Spooner.
Mrs Spooner? 
She isn't here.
Her appointment isn't till next Wednesday.
Next Wednesday? 
Oh. 
I'll give her the message when she comes home.
You were right! 
I was worrying about nothing. 
She isn't even there.
You nut!
~ I'm a bullfight without the matador ~
~ I'm a heckler who never gets the floor ~
~ Casanova, the night he didn't score, each time...
Why isn't she there? 
Where is she?
Why was she lying to me?
- For heaven's sakes, Orville.
- It's Johnnie Mulligan.
His mother's at the dentist.
He's at home alone and she's with him.
Johnnie Mulligan? 
Come off it.
He ain't even shaving yet.
The milkman. 
He's shaving.
It must be some kind of code.
"A dozen eggs." That's 12. 
They're meeting behind the dairy at 12 o'clock!
Now you're running amuck!
You can't go round suspecting everybody.
- Sometimes I'm not even sure about you.
- Me?
I'm scared. 
I'm married to the prettiest girl in town. 
She's gonna leave me one day.
Yes, she will. 
And you know why?
Cos you're a nobody, giving piano lessons for a buck and a quarter.
Maybe once a week you play a wedding or a funeral. 
Big deal!
A beautiful girl like that, she should be spoiled.
A touch of mink, fun in Acapulco, breakfast at Tiffany's!
- Fat chance.
- Orville, all it takes is just one hit.
"How Much is That Doggie in the Window"? 
Three million records.
"White Christmas"? 
Eight million.
You think Irving Berlin's afraid of losing his wife?
- No, I guess not.
- So keep putting those nickels in the slot.
Yeah, baby!
Hold it, Bob.
In unison, turn. 
Okay?
Two, three.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. 
I tried, I tried.
C mark.
Action!
You're under arrest, you sick fuck.
You should try some Visine.
Why do I need Visine?
So you can get a clear future of our vision together.
Wash my car.
I mean, I mighve fallen in love with her that night.
What happened to her?
She mighve been the love of my life.
Energy and pace.
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm experimenting. 
He said try some stuff. 
I'm blowing bubbles.
You're welcome.
Michael. 
Oh, call me.
Okay. 
I will.
Don't get too comfortable.
You have got to wait your turn.
Hurry up, I'm next.
Jesus Christ! 
What the hell is this?
Oh, my God.
Cut.
Thas a wrap.

Is this such a good idea?
Is marriage a good idea?
Because marriage is huge.
I am having trouble breathing.
I am having trouble catching my breath.
-would you relax?
-How could I possibly relax!
?
Because it's my wedding.
That's Max. 
Only 19 years old and is getting married to the only girl he's everhad sex with.
That day I promised myself, I'd stay single forever.
Gimshins.
Granted, Kimberly was gorgeous.
-What's the holdup?
-Your groom isn't quite out yet.
well, fix it, Daddy!
I guess Max didn't see her quite the way I did.
Make him behave!
It will be perfect. 
I promise.
Kimberly's fatherhelped invent a very special pill.
Now, Viagra beat him to the market, but his pill wasjust as good.
It could turn this into this.
There's enough to give an elephant a boner.
You are so bad.
Your own sister's wedding?
please. 
She's gonna love it.
I'II put it on the gift table.
They'II take it on the honeymoon.
He'II have a three-day boner.
I Iove the smell of bridesmaids in the morning.
My best friend, Kyle.
If this is youraverage brain this is Kyle's brain.
Anyway, the wedding was about to get especially hard.
I propose a toast. 
Ah, yes. 
To Max!
First tomcat to take the plunge.
Thanks, guys.
May it never happen to us!
There you go, buddy.
Dude.
Dude.
Dude.
This is the best wine ever.
What the hell is going on?
Everybody's waiting out there.
What is up with you?
holy Mary Mother of God.
You boys must really like weddings.
Get out there. 
Everybody's waiting.
Don't move.
Here we go, here we go.
You may all be seated.
-Turn around.
-We can't.
Here we go.
Don't they look handsome in their tuxedos?
I cannot believe that Max actually went through with it.
It's a goddamn shame.
I am hereby dedicating myself to a life as a professional tomcat.
professional tomcat, right on.
Yeah, man. 
Forget marriage.
I'II nail every woman on the planet.
Every one?
Except my mother and grandmother.
First of all, your mom is hot.
secondly, you realize there are two and a half billion females on Earth.
-Are you saying it can't be done?
-No. 
But we got to divide them up.
deal.
I'II never get married. 
Ever.
You're almost married as it is.
kelly runs your life.
She does not!
You've got five minutes.
Thank you.
You'II be the next to go.
please. 
We all know who'II be next.
Steve dog!
I don't even have a girlfriend.
You're going down, buddy.
What? 
Why?
Because, Iike Max, the first girl that lets you get with her, you'II marry.
You want to bet?
actually bet? 
really bet for money?
Yeah. 
Let's say the Iast single man gets a thousand bucks from the rest of you who end up getting married.
Six grand's a Iot of money.
No, no. 
If we're going to do this, we do it right. 
Okay?
Each of us puts two hundred dollars a year away in savings.
No, no, no. 
High-yieId mutual fund.
AII right, the Iast man standing at the end, gets the whole pot.
I'm talking 1 0, 20 grand!
That's a Iot of money.
Yeah. 
And you're out if you go gay, Gary.
Hey, blow me.
AII right, Gary's out.
I'm in. 
Tomcats' bet.
Let's get in here.
Come on, get in here!
I'm going to invest some money, okay?
Tomcats! 
Tomcats!
You guys are going to pay me so bad!
I don't ever want to get married.
I don't!
I do.
By the power vested in me by AIIah and the state of Nevada I now pronounce you husband and wife, my friends.
Okay, love her tender.
Love her tenders. 
please.
Rock the jailhouse.
Every single woman, come to the center of the aisle so you can catch the flower bouquets....
-AII the single ladies.
-Where are you going?
-Let's go, please.
-Sit down.
Thank you very much.
You went down, my man!
Down like a 2-doIIar hooker!
Boom! 
You're out! 
You suck!
Tricia's great, though.
No, I'II tell you who's great.
Jan here is great.
What's our bachelor pool up to now?
As of Friday, about 475.
Man, that's half a million bucks!
Can our man Jan pick IPOs or what?
I'm wet. 
I'm, Iike, wet.
Don't you sometimes wish you could fuck money?
Weddings bring out the romantic in you, kyle.
kyle, don't you have enough money already?
You can never have enough money.
And you're a fag for saying that.
-No offense, Gary.
-Hey, blow me.
Looks like it's just you and me now, buddy.
And I'm not the one bringing chicks who catch bouquets.
I can't believe we're doing this again.
How many times can we do it?
-You're going down.
-You're unquenchabIe. 
I'II pass out.
Here it comes. 
Here it comes.
You lose.
-Take off your pants.
-Oh, no. 
I lose again!
Oh, God, I hate losing.
Hurry, before he says it again.
No, no, no. 
No more drinking.
No more drinking. 
You win.
You win.
I win? 
Oh, yeah?
well, good. 
Then I'm collecting.
Come on. 
I want to be dangerous.
Where we going?
Where are we going?
Say it, michael.
Say it?
I won't do it unless you say it.
I'm sorry. 
I'm having a little bit of trouble concentrating here.
What is it exactly you want me to say?
You know.
Those three little words.
Those three little words.
Those three little words.
hold on a minute.
What? 
What's wrong?
I'm sorry. 
I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Why are you acting like this?
-You are the one who's rushing things.
-Rushing what?
shelby, I Iike you. 
I Iike you a Iot.
But things are just moving a little too fast.
I'm just not ready to say, "I Iove you."
What makes you think I want you to say, "I Iove you"?
Oh, come on. 
Back there.
You wouldn't do it because I wouldn't say those three little words.
You colossal moron.
"Suck...my...cock."
Suck my cock. 
Suck my cock!
Oh, suck my cock! 
Suck my cock!
Suck my cock! 
Suck my cock.
That was great. 
You put your shoes out on the pillow like this. 
Great.
-Sorry.
-Jerk.
I'II catch you later.
What's going on? 
Who you looking for?
shelby. 
She's probably halfway back to L.A. by now.
Oh, boy. 
What'd you do now?
It's weird.
I thought she wanted me to say, "I Iove you." I wouldn't lie to get sex.
-You know another way?
-I know. 
I'm an idiot.
Don't worry, buddy.
You're at the Hard Rock.
I mean, this place rocks hard.
There's like a million women here.
I cannot believe you and Trish got married, Steve.
Aren't you terrified?
Let me ask you a question:
If you could sleep with any woman, who would it be?
Is this hypothetical?
Because my birthday's soon.
Any woman. 
hypothetical.
fictional?
-Not Judy Jetson.
-well, then, I'm out.
Who's yours?
Truth?
Tricia.
If I couId fuck any woman in the whole world, it'd be her.
That's why I married her.
I'm glad you didn't write your own vows.
Trish and I have this deep connection, you know?
She understands what I'm feeling without my having to tell her.
It's like I found this huge spiritual side to myself that I didn't even know existed.
Last week I had sex with twins.
Okay, you win.
Oh, can I get a Heineken?
Thanks.
Forget it, pal.
She's only interested in high rollers.
Hard six! 
Let's go! 
We need a hard six! 
We got a shooter!
-Long and hard six. 
Let's go.
-No more bets.
Two trades, go a Iong way.
Here we go, we got a shooter.
-We got a roller! 
Hard six!
-Seven!
That hurt.
That hurt.
I'm in! 
We got a shooter! 
Let's go!
I'm in. 
I'm letting it ride!
No more bets.
eleven! 
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Craps.
Oh, God, no. 
No touching!
No touching.
That really hurt.
Yes, I'm on a roll!
I need you to come over.
michael's gone crazy trying to impress some girl.
Come on, baby. 
I'm on fire.
AII right, I'II come down.
color me up, pops.
Your $1 1 .00, sir?
Who's your daddy?
Who's your daddy?
Craps.
No, please, Jesus, kill me now!
kill me now! 
kill me.
Or don't? 
Let it ride, my credit's good! 
Credit!
Let's go! 
Give me these dice!
-What are you doing, buddy?
-rolling the bones.
Steve, Amber. 
Amber, Steve.
-How far are you down?
-I'm not so bad.
Twenty-five five.
-social security.
-Twenty-five thousand?
Listen, buddy. 
You can't do this.
Okay, listen. 
You can't afford this.
-You have to stop now!
-Give me my dice!
Put the dice down.
Stop. 
Now.
That was close, buddy. 
I'II quit while I still can. 
That was close.
-Seven out.
-Time out!
Do over! 
I didn't roll that.
I didn't roll that. 
She rolled.
Come with us, please.
-Let's go.
-That's it. 
No more redheads. 
Ever.
FeIIas, we're closed.
This is the guy, carlos.
Hi.
I don't think I owe this money.
really? 
And why do you say that, Mr. DeIaney?
I didn't roll the dice. 
A lady threw the dice. 
I don't even know her name.
So this is all just like a big misunderstanding.
well, luckily, we have tape.
Ah, see?
That's us. 
Losers. 
More Iosers.
For about $9.95 in the room, you can watch that.
Shame we had to leave that.
A reason to bring back instant replay.
I've said that for years.
That has got to hurt you.
Was that Tricia?
The woman you were with at the bar was handling the dice for luck.
You gave them to her, she threw them on the table.
That, Mr. DeIaney, is a roll in any casino in town.
Now, I'm sorry. 
But you owe us 51 ,000 dollars.
-51 ,000 dollars?
-plus the minibar.
-Can we see that tape?
-I don't have 51 ,000 dollars.
I'm a cartoonist.
I do background color for Sunday's "garfield."
I Iove your work, but here's what we do:
We're dangerous, quasi-criminaI, take-no-shit Vegas types.
So, what does that mean?
What are you going to do? 
Hurt me?
I got into this business to make easy money and the damn thing is, they hook you in and then you find yourself doing things you don't really want to be doing like killing people like you.
And then you start to enjoy it, which is a problem.
I'm kidding. 
Making a light remark, though probably not to you.
Point is, I will hang you cut your balls off and put them in your pocket.
But not without a Iot of Jewish guilt.
You owe me, in one month, 51 ,000 dollars.
And starting now, I will need a daily security deposit.
I think it's important if we go back to that tape with the ladies.
But cheer up.
I am going to comp the minibar.
What happened?
-I'm screwed, that's what happened.
-AII right, where are you?
I just lost 51 ,000 dollars.
If I don't get it in a month, I'm buzzard feed.
They'II kill me.
Jesus. 
I wish we could give you the money but we put our cash into the house.
And we've borrowed against it to set up Steve's practice which explains why the wedding of my dreams cost $280.
What are you doing?
Have you seen my fIip-fIops?
You know anybody who'II loan you the money?
No, baby, listen.
If you want us to stop seeing other people, what the hell? 
Let's try it.
It might help us reach a deeper level of togetherness and you know, bring us closer together.
Yeah. 
Okay. 
Sure.
Yeah, me too. 
AII right, kiss-kiss. 
Okay, bye.
Your sister is driving me nuts.
Okay, we're here.
What you're going to go for is a nice, smooth stroke. 
Okay?
Swing back.
-There you go.
-How's that?
Okay. 
well, we'II keep trying, okay?
Let's work on your form.
You'II get it. 
No problem.
AII right, Yoshi.
Keep your head down.
Keep your head down. 
Remember?
Grip and rip, dude. 
Grip and rip.
-kyle, what's going on?
-Mike?
What are you doing here?
I'm just hitting the links with some of the fellas.
You want a ride?
Sure. 
FeIIas, I'II meet you at the 1 9th hole for a Heineken.
So you're serious about this girl, huh?
Remember what we said about screwing every woman in the world?
I'm halfway there.
One or two chicks at a time.
That's okay. 
Keep it.
I've got more in the bag.
She's nothing to me, dude.
Two things I hate:
Chicks who want commitment and assholes who want to borrow money.
-I'm okay.
-We just ran over your girlfriend.
Man, do not say that word.
What did you want to talk to me about?
-I just missed you.
-Don't go all faggy on me.
You should see the look on your face.
I'm totally kidding, man.
So you've never even come close to falling in love.
No, no, never.
well, maybe once.
natalie. 
She was a bridesmaid at Max's wedding.
She was amazing. I took her to a bluff out in Malibu.
We talked all night.
We made love in the morning at sunrise.
She feel asleep in my arms.
It was incredible.
That's quite a story.
What happened to her?
I don't know. 
She could've been the love of my Iife.
Nice couch, Mikey. 
Is it leather?
Oh, no way. 
It's pIeather.
Gross.
It'd be easier if you had a front-door key for us.
I'II get right on that.
Night, fellas.
Hey, what's up, buddy?
Is Tricia here?
I'd Iike to ask her something.
Yeah, she's upstairs.
Watch that.
I'II take you up there.
-Turn it off!
-ShitbaIIs!
-Turn it off! 
Turn it off!
-Goddamn it! 
Son of a bitch!
She's upstairs with ConsueIa.
Damn hose.
Must have had a kink in it.
Any luck with the money?
Oh, no. 
I tried everything.
I don't know what to do.
Oh, boy.
Is your blood sugar low again?
I was wondering about a friend of yours, natalie.
A bridesmaid at your sister's wedding.
natalie? 
Steve, offer michael a beer.
-You want a beer?
-Yeah.
What do you want with natalie?
Nothing. 
I was thinking about her and I thought maybe I'd look her up.
We don't have one clean glass.
We have a fuII-time maid for chrissakes.
What is it that you do around here?
It's Saturday night, right?
I know exactly where she is.
You looking for a date?
-You're not my type.
-Whatever. 
You wouldn't be anyway.
What's it gonna be?
I have a proposal for you and it's gonna sound a little strange.
Does it involve sex?
I'd say there'd be a fair amount of sex involved.
There will definitely be a house and a ring involved. 
Maybe even children.
children?
That'II depend on how far you and this other guy will want to take it.
But, yeah. 
I'd say kids would be involved. 
At least a dog.
children, a dog and another guy.
You're allergic to dogs.
How about cats? 
Maybe a hamster?
Maybe a hamster.
Baby, I got exactly what you need.
Let's go. 
Over here. 
Let's go.
You're under arrest, you sick fuck.
I wasn't soliciting prostitution.
I swear to God, I wasn't.
You know what they do to pedophiles in the joint?
Not to mention hamster fuckers.
I wasn't looking for a hooker or a hamster! 
I was looking for you.
I was looking for natalie Parker.
How do you know her name?
We were at a wedding once, a Iong time ago.
And you hooked up with a friend of mine, kyle Brenner.
Doesn't ring any bells.
What do you want with her?
It's stupid. 
It was a bad idea.
Can I please just apologize and go?
I want to hear it.
I go to Vegas. 
There's this redhead.
I play craps. 
I lose all my money.
Get to the point, DeIaney.
I'm in a Iot of trouble.
Some buddies of mine and I have a bet.
Last bachelor standing wins.
The pot is huge. 
half a million.
And I need this money.
I mean, I really need this money.
I just thought....
It's stupid, but--
What? 
You thought what?
I just thought that....
kyle talks about you Iike you were the one that got away.
Like you were his last chance at true love.
I just thought that getting the two of you together something would rekindle.
You guys would get married and I'd win the money. 
Everybody wins.
That was the most pathetic fucking shit I have ever heard.
That hamster story was better than that crap.
What made you think I'd agree to it?
I don't even remember this guy KarI.
-kyle.
-Whatever.
kyle Brenner.
You're right. 
I'm sorry.
It was stupid.
I'm sorry.
It's your call, detective.
Cut him loose.
Hi, yes. 
I'm here. 
Hi.
I was wondering if I couId increase my limit to I don't know, 51 ,000 dollars.
Yes, yes, I know.
carlos did?
No. 
I have no intentions of cutting up my card.
No, do not send someone over to do it for me!
This carlos runs a very tight ship.
Coming. 
Let me just throw something on.
Okay. 
One more sec. 
Who is it?
I've done some checking.
kyle's rich.
Why don't you ask him for a Ioan?
I tried. 
He doesn't lend people money.
How did you find me?
michael. 
Cop. 
Remember?
Some place you got here.
Got anything to drink?
I bet I'm the only guy you know who's had all of his beverages repossessed.
Here. 
Pour this.
Patrón. 
classy.
What are you wearing?
I was on hold for a very long....
Anyway, I don't really feel the need to dress up for these repo guys.
I've thought about your idea.
I want to do it.
But we split the bet money 50-50.
Sure. 
Yeah.
This is great. 
This is terrific.
actually there is one little problem.
You kind of have to marry kyle within 30 days.
No problem.
I want to do to kyle what he did to me.
What do you mean?
You do remember kyle?
Of course I do.
We hooked up at Max's wedding.
That little shit told me everything I wanted to hear and then abandoned me on the PCH with nothing more than a roll of quarters to call a cab.
Nice memory for a girl's first time?
I was kind of hoping for "Iove will prevail," but you know what?
Hate will do just fine.
Sorry! 
Sorry about that.
The first thing we have to do is get to know ourprey.
Precisely what kind ofgirls he likes.
-Be careful. 
This is expensive.
-I'm sorry. 
It's heavy.
Hand me the night-spectrum spotting scope.
I think we left that in the car.
Then just hand me a pair of binoculars.
Long time no see, kyle.
The guy has pIeather furniture.
What kind of loser has pIeather furniture?
Beats me.
A stewardess. 
How cliché.
Subject likes brunettes.
Prefers subservient women in uniform.
Let me see. 
Quit hogging them.
It's my turn. 
Give me.
This is so cool.
This is better than cable.
Quiet!
God, I never had a stewardess.
I think they're leaving.
It'd be cool to get some audio.
We will. 
Give me five minutes.
My God, this girl is Wonder Woman.
I'm terrified, yet strangely aroused.
Take that robe off. 
Aren't you hot?
No, no. 
I'm good, I'm good.
-You guys want to come over tonight?
-I can't. 
I got a date.
With who? 
That stewardess?
Did I tell you about the stewardess?
Yeah, great tits. 
I believe you had sex with her.
Yeah. 
AII night long.
But this one's better.
-Why is that?
-Shoot some sticks.
She's a cosmetics counter girl.
If I ever get married, it'II be to a cosmetics counter girl.
-Why a cosmetics counter girl?
-grill some steaks and....
They're the perfect woman. 
They'II always smell good and wear makeup.
They're not too ambitious.
And they won't be a damn feminist bitch keeps her own name when you marry.
-Like my mother?
-Yeah, exactly.
Let's get out of here.
-Mike, you coming along?
-No, I'm good. 
I'm good.
I'II stay and get a good sweat going.
-Take care of yourself.
-Yeah.
I'II catch up with you guys.
Gotcha.
This is my favorite group.
You hear that?
! 
Yeah!
It came in stereo.
This is a system. 
Oh, yeah!
You hear that bass?
! 
Good, right?
!
You want more?
!
Stakeout.
Right. 
Sorry.
Is that me?
Yeah, but I draw all my friends.
-It is me. 
Let me see.
-No, really.
It's very rough. 
It's very rough.
Let go.
Thank you.
Nice ass.
These are really good.
Have you ever tried to sell these?
It's pretty hard to start your own comic strip.
There's our boy.
Where is he? 
tell me.
Come on back here. 
I see you.
Jackass. 
I'II sic the national Guard on you.
Oh, man. 
I Iearned my lesson.
No more two-story houses.
Subject hates two-story houses.
Here. 
Got you something.
These will go with my horny devil socks.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
So, what's our man up to?
Trying on underwear.
So you hungry?
I think I just lost my appetite.
Have some sushi.
Oh, no, no. 
I don't do sushi.
What?
-I've always hated sushi.
-Everybody likes sushi.
Not me.
AII right, you're going to try sushi.
Yeah. 
Try sushi.
-It disgusts me. 
really.
-Open your mouth.
Toot-toot! 
Open your mouth.
Good boy.
There you go.
There you go, sport.
You're a fun date, aren't you?
I told you I hate sushi.
I guess so.
This was a good idea.
Yeah, I agree.
You're looking cute.
You vixen.
Subject likes brunettes.
Prefers subservient women in uniform.
My God, this girl is Wonder Woman.
I'm terrified, yet strangely aroused.
You hear guys talking about having blue balls.
I'II tell you, the Iast couple of weeks I fuck and I fuck and I can't get any relief.
hold on. 
I gotta take a break.
I ate some raw fish.
please, give me one second.
Do you Iike it better when a girl makes the first move on you or when you do?
Dude. 
honestly?
I don't give a rat's ass.
I guess I Iike to be surprised.
What exactly do you mean by surprise?
Oh, dude. 
Oh, my God.
Last week, I'm doing this girl in the back seat of her daddy's car.
Catholic schoolgirl's uniform.
The whole nine yards, man.
She drinks too much. 
She's sick, so she hangs herhead out the window andjust commences to puking.
It's too bad you had to stop.
No, see, I was gonna.
That would have been the right thing.
But the way she was having these contractions.
They werejust wrenching down on the old crank.
Oh, God, it felt so great.
Now, that's a surprise.
Hey, my car, my car, my car!
Yeah, I know. 
It sucks.
Oh, you get that extra key made for the house?
Thanks.
I got to take the phone. 
Sorry.
I need that phone.
That phone is my Iife.
Michael. 
Carlos.
Give him the phone.
You've got three weeks.
Thanks, buddy.
I'm so glad to see you.
Great, great. 
AII the kids are here.
Hey, how you doing, pal? 
Come here.
Ling, take your penis out of the tartar sauce. 
You look great.
michael, a surprise for you.
natalie, this is michael.
michael, this is natalie.
You probably don't remember, but you two have met.
michael was an usher at our wedding.
Right, right. 
I think I remember you.
Doesn't ring a bell.
So, natalie, you're still single and in law enforcement. 
How interesting.
Do you have any exciting stories?
well, last year I got shot.
I shattered my pelvis and I was in--
Oh, speaking of peIvises, how was the birth, kelly?
I had to have a C-section.
She only dilated this much.
That happened with Freedom.
Then he came out feet first.
talk about getting ripped.
Ripped.
Nuyen's birth mother birthed in water.
Tony and I were in the tub.
Oh, guys.
I was in labor for 26 hours.
Don't you people ever watch TV?
!
I know I said no more matchmaking--
Yes, but Tricia can't help herself.
It's just that you two are perfect for each other.
kill me, michael.
kill me now.
dill kung pao.
Pass the dill kung pao.
What a beautiful baby!
Oh, my God. 
You won't believe this.
-My water just broke.
-Her water....
What does that mean, her water broke?
What is that, her water?
Oh, God. 
Oh, God. 
people, we're going to need a mop in here!
That scene back there freaked you out, huh? 
Don't you Iike kids?
I am not talking to you about kids.
Last time, I wound up in handcuffs.
You know the one thing I regret more than losing my money in Las Vegas?
What's that?
I should've asked you out back at Max's wedding.
With that mullet hair you had?
Keep dreaming, buddy.
Nice. 
Nice.
Why didn't you?
I don't really like ugly chicks.
Ever play mercy?
Yes. 
I'II have you know I'm very good at the game.
-Bring it on.
-Okay.
-One, two....
-Three.
Oh, yeah. 
You are going down!
I lose.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
-I don't know what came over me.
-Freeze, motherfucker!
I am really sorry! 
I was out of line!
please don't shoot me!
Bring kyle to me tomorrow.
Drop cans!
Hands on your head!
You are not falling in love with her.
You're a Iady-kiIIer.
You're a tomcat.
Take it easy, Mike.
Good night, fellas.
Have a safe drive.
I'm confused because I really like michael.
And I think he likes me.
What, you can't tell?
police! 
Nobody move, goddamn it!
There was this one moment.
It was amazing.
What the fuck does that mean?
So you really like this guy, huh?
I think I'm in love with him.
This is serious.
I know. 
He has a slick exterior, but I see a real sweetheart underneath.
clear.
clear.
Shit.
Remember the first time we met him at the station?
!
He found me because he felt I was kyle's last chance for true love.
Can't say that if you don't believe it.
So how do I find out how he feels?
Say you're falling for kyle.
Don't move or I'II blow your brains out!
He won't believe I'm falling for kyle.
Oh, he'II believe it. 
Trust me.
Your partner's right.
Want to get a guy to make a move?
Get him competition.
Shut up.
Let me look at cologne.
Look at this place. 
There's hot babes everywhere. 
It smells great.
I ought to move in here.
-would you watch it?
-Sorry.
Excuse us.
Man, this again?
I hate this shade of lipstick.
Stays on your dick for a week.
Then you should try our hypoallergenic cleanser.
I think you should try some Visine.
Why do I need Visine?
So you can get a clear vision of our future together.
Do I know you from somewhere?
I don't know. 
My name is natalie.
I'm from Van Nuys.
Oh, my God, you're natalie.
That's what I just said.
Hey, I'm kyle.
Remember? 
Max and Kim's wedding.
malibu? 
I popped your cherry.
Oh, my God. 
You look great.
I'II let you two get reacquainted.
So you're working here.
Cosmetics counter girl.
I know it's not very ambitious, but I'm saving my money for a one-story house.
That's fantastic.
Put your shoes back on.
Get out of there.
Here you go. 
would you Iike to dance?
Oh, yes. 
Come dance with me.
I Iove to Iambada.
I Iove to fall feet and turns.
Nice dip, dork.
AII right, natalie. 
Enough's enough.
tell him you can't stand him.
tell him it's a scam.
You're in love with me.
Where you guys going?
natalie, don't go.
No, no. 
Get out now.
Night vision.
No, no, natalie. 
Get out of there.
There you go. 
ThattagirI.
No, not the microphone.
Not the microphone.
natalie, get out of there.
Get out.
I'm blind.
You like it with the lights on?
Baby, come on. 
Ride the pony.
You know you want it.
natalie, get out of there! 
Save yourself! 
It's the dick of death.
Come on, get some of this.
Come on, you little rodeo gal.
Here's how it's gonna go.
We're not having sex tonight.
In fact, I don't know when we're going to have sex.
I'm not Iike all the other girls.
But I promise you, kyle, you've never had a girl like me.
AII right.
Ready.
Better take care of that.
This is kind of about me, right?
Who'II take care of me better than me?
And you knew that!
We got a future together, baby.
AII right. 
Here we go.
Ooh, I am going to hurt you tonight.
michael. 
Yeah, it's me.
-l need you to meet me right away.
-Name a place.
Somewhere kyle would never stumble across us in a million years.
Thanks for meeting me.
-Are you all right?
-I'm fine.
I'm falling for kyle.
He's actually pretty sweet.
Sweet? 
The guy screws women while they're barfing!
You just don't know him like I do.
There's another side to him that he doesn't show to everyone.
I've known the guy my whole life.
There's no other side. 
He's a dick.
-He's afraid to show his sensitivity.
-He must be very afraid.
michael. 
AII my Iife, I waited to fall in love.
And now this guy really loves me.
Do you know what that's like?
Do you love anyone?
I guess not.
I better get back.
You won't let this defeat you.
You won't let this defeat you.
You know why? 
You know why?
Because you're the man. 
Who the man?
You the man. 
You the man.
Now, here's what you'II do.
You'II go out there and you'II fuck the first woman you see.
The first woman you see.
You are going to be ruthless.
You'II use every little dirty trick.
Every little manipulation.
Every lie you know! 
You know why?
Because you the man! 
Now get her.
The first woman you see.
The first woman you see.
The second woman you see.
The second woman you see.
This is almost too easy.
Where would I bring an overdue book?
I'II take that.
I have always loved books.
And so I started studying library science at Luther college and....
Oh, I'm sorry. 
I've been going on and on and on about myself all night.
Oh, this is so embarrassing.
It's such a treat when you meet a woman who's so honest and direct.
-You're making me blush.
-You're sweet.
GoIIy, stop it.
This is me.
It was nice to meet you, jill.
Oh, thank you.
It was really sweet of you to let me pick the restaurant out tonight.
Oh, please, I Iove sushi.
Good night.
Good night.
I was wondering....
I mean, this isn't how I-- Gosh.
GoIIy, I'm tongue-tied tonight.
It's okay. 
You can say it.
would you Iike to come in?
Oh, no, it's way too late.
Okay.
-Nice place.
-Thank you.
Four-H ribbons, cool.
That's a big cock.
Grammy.
Grammy, hello.
Grammy, I'd Iike you to meet my friend michael.
This is Grammy.
She was a librarian too.
hello, young man.
would you two kids like a nightcap?
Sure.
I hope you Iike hot butterscotch toddies. 
They're jill's favorite.
Mine too.
This is amazing.
It's like your granddaughter and I are on the same wavelength!
It's spooky!
You want to go upstairs?
Sweet dreams, Grammy.
Night, peanut.
I think I couId really care for you.
-really?
-Yeah.
hold on, one second.
I see the tables have turned.
What are you doing?
Trust me.
Ow! 
Jesus!
You can take it.
I don't know if I want to take it.
You've been a bad, bad boy.
No, no. 
I haven't.
I've been a very good boy.
You had an overdue library book.
This is a little unexpected.
call me mistress, you disgusting little worm.
You said it.
We're on the same wavelength.
AII that wavelength stuff, to be honest with you I said that to get you into bed.
That is not very nice.
In fact, that is downright naughty.
I've been a bad boy. 
Very bad.
I'm sorry. 
I think I should go home and think about what I've done.
That's right. 
You should think long and hard about what you did.
You naughty boy.
What is that?
You piece of slime.
What is this?
Okay! 
Look at the time.
It's getting late.
I should be heading home.
It's really way past my bedtime.
I know you'd probably love to have me hang around so you can beat the ever-Iiving shit out of me!
I really should go home please let me go home.
please, can I go home?
I know about boys like you.
You don't take books seriously.
Yes, I do.
I take books very seriously.
Meow.
So you don't respect books.
I Iove books.
You break their bindings.
You doodle in their margins.
That's right. 
You are a doodlebug.
I'm not a doodlebug.
That's what you are.
Just a little, dirty bug.
The Scarlet Letter.
Great inspiration in those pages.
It's an excellent choice.
One whack for every day overdue.
I don't know.
I'm just not feeling it.
Something's missing.
Here's Grammy!
That's it. 
No more redheads.
No more redheads, ever.
God!
-You really like this girl?
-natalie?
Man, I'm telling you.
She's the best.
-Isn't it time you moved on?
-No way, dude.
This girl really knows how to turn me on.
You find anything down there?
feel my left nut.
Are you out of your mind?
No, no, man. 
It's like the size of a baseball.
Good for you. 
I'm not touching it.
This other one's fine.
But this one feels like a cantaloupe or something.
Must be those blue balls you mentioned.
feel it. 
tell me what you think.
I think I'm about to kick your ass!
Come on. 
Dude. 
Mike.
Mike, come on!
A real pal'd feel my balls.
We were showering.
And I Iooked down and my left nut is the size of an Easter egg.
What do you want me to do about it?
I want your professional opinion.
You want me to grope your balls?
Just the Ieft one.
Mike wouldn't do it.
Come on, you're a doctor.
feel his balls.
I'm a proctologist, not a urologist.
You'II jam your fingers up his ass but won't touch his balls?
-They're two different things!
-You went to medical school.
AII right! 
slow down!
slow down!
I'II do it.
Thanks.
I need my nurse present.
shirley, have my nurse come in here, please?
She's in room 12 with your wife.
They've been back there forabout a haifan hour, at least.
Ah, shitbaIIs!
Harder. 
Do it harder.
I finally caught you, you dirty--
Steve, you finish that sentence, and I swear to God I'II call a lawyer.
We better go with two on this one.
Jesus.
This is huge.
Like a kumquat.
What does it mean?
Beats me.
I won't beat around the dance floor, Mr. Brenner.
It's cancer.
Oh, Jesus.
It's only in the one testicle.
We'II run more tests after we remove it.
-You mean, remove the cancer?
-No, Mr. Brenner.
I mean, remove the testicle.
If I don't remove it, you could die.
How painful a death are we talking about?
Let me give it to you straight.
The affected region is too close to the spine to give you any anesthesia.
So we plan to make a gash in the abdomen.
Reach down, yank the scrotum up into the abdominal cavity and saw off the testicle.
There's a 40 percent chance we're going to have to amputate the penis.
Oh, God!
Had you going.
That is why I Iove this job.
It's painless. 
The procedure takes about an hour.
Okay. 
So will I still be able to...?
-You know?
-play the trombone?
No, I mean, with girls. 
will I--?
Can I still...?
Oh, ride the one-eyed hoagie.
Of course you can, son.
However, I recommend to most of my patients before this procedure that they make a deposit in the sperm bank before the operation, just in case.
Just go on over, you know give her a whack.
I don't want to do this.
I'm not asking you to go in the room with me.
If you do it too, I'II be more comfortable.
I mean, look at this place.
It's completely professional, right?
We're here to make a deposit.
I really don't want to do this.
Sign these forms.
And fill these bottles.
So if I run into trouble back there you'II give me a hand?
Never heard that one before.
You're in room seven, and you're in room nine.
Come on.
Oh, michael, you're the greatest.
Here you go.
Dude.
Dude!
I brought you a plant.
Oh, dude. 
Don't make me laugh.
Has natalie been here all night?
She never left my side.
She says this happened because I've got too much karma in my genitals.
-How was it?
-It was all right.
Doc says the other rocket launcher's good, so....
Come here. 
Come here.
Come here.
I want my ball.
kyle, I understand that, but look on the bright side.
-You still have one healthy one.
-You don't understand.
I want to take it home with me, and the nurses said I can't do that.
It's not a tooth, kyle.
It belongs to me. 
I miss it.
please. 
Get my nut.
It fell right on the floor.
-What? 
The kidney?
-slipped from my hand, how embarrassing.
MertIe kicks it, it rolls under the O.R. table slides across the room.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
Okay, come on. 
Come to papa.
slippery little guy. 
Got you.
I got to put this in something.
Got to find something to put this in.
Where'd it go? 
Where'd you go?
Where'd you go?
You can't be in here.
hold the sticky buns. 
Give me these.
-Stand in line.
-Give them to me.
You have to stand in line!
Doctor!
Do not eat that!
Did you get it?
Yep. 
I got it.
Wow. 
So that's what a nut looks like?
That's a nut.
Thanks, Mike. 
You're a lifesaver.
I appreciate it.
Remember our deal, banging every girl in the world? 
That's on you now, pal.
I'II get right on that.
call me.
Don't get too comfortable.
You have got to wait your turn.
Hurry up, michael, I'm next.
-Give me a couple of minutes of rest.
-kyle doesn't take this long.
Two, three minutes and he's always done.
Hurry if you want to get every woman in the world.
please, Iet me shut my eyes, for like, literally 30 seconds and then just a little sandwich.
michael. 
It's carlos.
I know you got three days and 14 hours to go but since you've run out of shit for me to take I remind you, ifyou don'tpay, you die.
No problem. 
I'II have it.
You're as bad a liar as you are a gambler, Mr. DeIaney. 
See you Friday.
How's it going, man?
I'm just kidding, man.
I'm all better.
I'm fine.
I bring this everywhere I go.
Thanks to you.
Thanks for showing up today.
I really wanted you to be here.
Here for what?
You're busted, Mike.
natalie told me what you did.
She what?
How you found her.
I can't believe it.
kyle, I am so sorry.
You tracked her down after hearing my story to see if we'd fit.
Who does that?
Thank you. 
You're the best, pal.
She tell you she's a cop?
That whole cosmetics counter thing?
That was an undercover gig.
Very clever.
Thank you.
You know what?
When death has literally got you by the balls everything you've been afraid of suddenly seems unimportant.
There are things that I can do now that I never could do before.
For instance:
Officer natalie Parker I have been arrested by your beauty.
And I'd love to serve a life sentence in the jail of your heart.
Oh, my God.
Yes.
Of course I'II marry you, kyle.
I can't believe it. 
I've delivered natalie right into the devil's lair.
I finally feel I can have something real with someone.
You know, something solid. 
built on trust. 
Like what you and Tricia have.
Now she's going to go off and marry him.
Step up, man. 
tell her how you feel.
tell her you love her, you puss.
Have you been listening?
She loves kyle.
Steve, it's so weird.
For the first time in my Iife someone else matters more to me than I matter to myself.
well, you changed after all that shit you went through.
I'm exercising. 
people change.
You know what?
Maybe kyle has changed too.
AII he went through.
Maybe he's a changed man now.
Oh, yeah, baby!
AII right! 
Ooh, give it to me.
I'II be right back, baby.
What's up, having fun?
calm down!
How rocking is this?
What's the matter? 
You're not having a good time, buddy?
Get a load of some of these women.
They're amazing.
You see that one there? 
In the blue?
You wouldn't believe what she can do with Ping-Pong balls.
It is showtime!
Come on, come on!
Mike, did you see this?
Yo, Cherry, come here! 
Come here, Cherry.
Hey, sit down. 
This is michael. 
And she's a student.
Right now I'm concentrating on my actressing.
Come over here, Cherry.
You sexy little actress thing, you.
-How about we go in the bedroom?
-Can I bring a friend?
It's my bachelor party.
The more, the merrier.
Oh, hello there!
You're cool with this?
Everybody's entitled to a last hurrah.
You want to go in the bedroom and start warming up without me?
I'II be there in a minute.
Thank you.
What do you mean, "last hurrah"?
I just figure you're getting married tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m.
You know, you're entitled one last dip in the bachelor pool.
You're funny. 
You're hysterical, man.
You're joking, right?
-I thought you loved her.
-Love's got nothing to do with it.
natalie will be a great baby-maker.
I couId still sleep around.
She'II be at home with the kids.
She'II never know.
Hey, girls! 
What's up?
I thought you were going to go warm up in bed without me.
You did it, man.
You won the bet, man!
You'II be rich.
Tomorrow morning at 9, you're gonna be rich.
Rich!
No, Steve. 
No, I'm not.
I have got a wedding to stop!
I cannot believe you let kyle plan this wedding.
It doesn't matter.
You're going through with this?
Hey. 
Look at me.
Do I Iook amazing or what?
We're in luck. 
My uncle Murray's performing the ceremonies.
He's my hero.
And the witnesses sign in triplicate.
That's three, tres, trois and then I stamp a little, I notarize, I file it.
Voilà.
Can't you just feel the romance?
Oh, no. 
Oh, no!
No!
Where are my clothes?
Where are my clothes?
!
clothes. 
Where are my clothes?
Excuse me, ma'am? 
Ma'am?
Excuse me, ma'am. 
please get up.
Have you seen a pair of pants?
I'm gonna borrow your jacket, okay?
There we go.
please. 
Okay. 
There we go. 
Okay.
Here we go.
I promise I'II return this, okay?
slow down!
That was close.
I can't believe this. 
It's terrible.
Sorry. 
Sorry. 
I'm sorry.
Fur coat!
What are you--? 
Stop it!
Marriage is a state that is not entered into easily.
It is damn hard, kids.
It requires dedication and a Iot of sacrifices.
Like for instance, if you have a mother-in-Iaw who figures she can stay over with you whenever she damn pleases!
She comes in and stays in the toilet for an hour and a half!
Who reads Warand Peace in the toilet?
!
Mommy!
I'm a good stranger. 
It's okay.
Hey, you! 
Stop!
I'm not weird. 
We were just talking.
kyle, do you promise to make love to natalie and only natalie until one of you is dead?
I wasn't looking at you.
Don't do that.
Be advised, we're looking for a peeping Tom.
This guy is really twisted.
And do you, my handsome nephew take natalie to be your lawful wedded wife through the good times and the bad times and the times she won't talk to you for months and even worse, when she will so you pretend you're asleep so she'II leave you alone but you lie there listening to her grind her teeth hour after hour like a fucking hacksaw?
I made it.
Nice dress, bonehead!
Sorry. 
My mistake.
Stop the wedding!
I Iove you!
I thought you said you were done with all that.
It's not Peter.
I don't even know who this guy is.
I'm curious, Mr. DeIaney.
How did you get the money?
I guess you could say I sold my soul.
Yeah, I see a Iot of that.
Way to go. 
Marry the best woman in the world and it's not enough for you.
What?
You're married?
!
Thanks, asshole.
You got something on your nose.
You were in on it together.
Take me for a ride.
What do you mean? 
You got it all!
Why'd you tap me on the nose?
You really don't know, do you?
On our wedding night.
I thought everything was fine.
I was ready to give hera hose down.
well, hello, Mrs. Brenner.
actually, I'm gonna keep my own name.
Yeah, whatever.
Yeah. 
A little of the old bubbly.
Remember our first time?
When you left me out in malibu with nothing but a roll of quarters?
Yeah. 
That was so hot.
Here's to that.
Let's swap bodily fluids, baby.
When I woke up, she was gone.
The next day, marriage was annulled, she was nowhere to be found.
Never saw her again. 
Figured you two had a scam to get the bachelor cash.
That's cool, though. 
I'm getting more pussy now than ever.
Chicks really dig a guy with a broken heart.
kyle, I am so sorry.
I'm kidding. 
I just play that.
You know me.
I'II be a one-baIIed babe hound when I'm 80.
I got a date with a new girl.
She's fantastic.
What, another cosmetics counter girl?
No, man, no. 
A librarian. 
She's so hot. 
A little redheaded girl.
She gave me this book to read.
This book will change your life.
I gotta go.
I Iike to be spanked with a day-oId carrot.
How much you got?
Twenty bucks.
And my own carrot.
Excuse me.
I've got a proposal, but it might sound a little strange.
The Chinese Theater is this way?
Thank you very much, ma'am.
-Where's the carrot?
-I got it.
It's okay. 
I got it.
I just wanted to give you this.
You were there?
I tried to stop the wedding, but I was late.
So, this proposal does it involve sex?
Yeah, I'd say there'd be a fair amount of sex involved.
definitely a house and a ring.
-Maybe even some children.
-children?
At least a dog.
definitely not a hamster.
I Iike dogs.
So, what's up, DeIaney?
You love me or something?
I do.
I now happily ratify your union as husband and wife.
You may kiss your bride.
Wait.
Not until you say those three little words.
I'm not falling for that one again.
Suck my cock.
Hold it. 
Hold it.
How big ofan idiot do you think I am?
I Iove you.
This is fantastic. 
You're like a big, bad dominatrix.
I can't wait to get to this.
Show me what you got.
I don't know.
I think something's missing.
Yeah, something's missing, get your butt out of that little thing.
You got to do something to me.
Let's see what you got.
Tricia?
What the hell am I thinking?
Oh, God, I knew it!
Oh, how could you?
ConsueIa. 
kelly. 
Tricia!
You're all dirty birdies!
You want to join us?
Thank God almighty!
Come on, Johnny.
Oh, yeah, Johnny. 
Oh, come on.
If you don't cut, I'm gonna come.
What is it exactly you want me to say?
You know those three little words.
Okay. 
I Iove you.
I Iove you, I Iove you.
I Iove you.
Yeah, baby!
hold it, Bob.
-In unison, turn. 
Okay?
-Two, three.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. 
I tried, I tried.
C mark.
Action!
You're under arrest, you sick fuck.
You should try some Visine.
Why do I need Visine?
So you can get a clear future of our vision together.
Wash my car.
I mean, I might've fallen in love with her that night.
What happened to her?
She might've been the love of my Iife.
Energy and pace.
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm experimenting. 
He said try some stuff. 
I'm blowing bubbles.
You're welcome.
michael. 
Oh, call me.
Okay. 
I will.
Don't get too comfortable.
-You have got to wait your turn.
-Hurry up, I'm next.
Jesus Christ! 
What the hell is this?
Oh, my God.
Cut.
That's a wrap.

I've got it, I've got it!
Pick him up, pick him up, pick him up
49 to 48. 
Game point, let's go Oh,damn!
- Right, always engage him on the left
- We need three points 
- Left
- Hey when you two guys are ready?
- Check off 
- Check
- Go! 
Go! 
Go!
- Left! 
Left! 
Left!
- And that is how is done baby!
- Good game!
- Good game
- Good job man, you're ready to play again?
- No more!
- Would?
- What?
- Afraid of your one on one
- Whatever, this isn't my game
- Really? 
So, what is the game?
- Alex!
- What? 
They've gone.
- But don't never do that here
- You're kidding, right?
- Why are you gonna put that gay shit all the time?
- What?
- I just wanna be able to play ball and not make some kind of social statement, okay?
- It was just a kiss. 
Come on.
Trevor! 
Trevor!
Look, I was just fooling around
- Look, promise me you stop with all the civil rights show
- Civil rights show?
- Okay?
Give me at least, you know, hug it out...
No one's watching
Well, this is romantic...
- Whatever...
let's go
Hey, you've seen my keys?
- One,two, three, four, five,six...
One,two, three, four, five,six...
One,two, three, four, five,six...
Nice, let the music carry you body. 
Yes...
Back straight young man, this is a waltz
Very nice!
- Alex, you have my keys?
Alex...my keys...
- Do you wanna dance?
- What?
- Come on!
- Alex, I think you've my keys, do?
- You wanna dance?
Answer the question
- We're going to the club tonight, okay?
- I don't think we can waltz in the club
- You've just promised me you wouldn't do this
- It's just a waltz
- Excuse-me boys.
Are you here for the dance lesson, jaa?
- Yes 
- No
Actually we're on our way out
- No! 
He is on his way out.
I'm not trying to make a statement.
I just wanna dance with my boyfriend!
- You'll need a dance partner, jaa?
- No! 
He can dance alone
- All right everyone.
Eyes on your partners.
We'll take it from the top.
And you young man will dance with me, jaa?
All right, ready?
One,two, three, four, five,six...
Right...chin up... very nice
- You got be kidding me
- You're a very good dancer young man
Now everyone, let's take it from the top.
This time with music.
You there.
Young man, what are you doing standing there?
Get ready to dance, jaa?
Now, just place the hands where they need to be.
You put your hand there, your hand on his shoulder.
Very nice...
Very nice...
Your hands up in the air...
Hold them like that...
You lead, jaa?
All right. 
Ready?
One,two, three, four, five,six...
One,two, three, four, five,six... very nice.
One,two, three, four, five,six...
Very good...
Chins up...
Hands straight...
- Fine...you win!
- What? 
What you want me to do?
- It shouldn't be this hard.
- You should be dancing!
- I don't like feeling like a freak, okay?
I don't need that.
- The only reason everyone is looking at you, it's because you're making such a big deal out of dancing,
not because you dance with me.
- Alex! 
Alex
Hold on to these, okay?
Just while we finish dancing
- And who are you gonna dance with?
- This is not my game.
You will have to lead this on.
- Waltz.
Afraid of a little one on one?
- So, will I be seeing you both next week?
Yes!
Wonderful. 
That will be 25 dollars a piece, jaa?
Subtitles by Viandel218

-Are you excited about our honeymoon?
-Yeah, I am.
Bermuda, Bahama Come on, pretty mama
Get it out of your system while we're alone.
-We came to say goodbye.
-Have a great honeymoon.
-Thanks.
-I'll go pack.
I already packed.
But I couldn't find your Speedo.
Speedo? 
I don't have a Speedo.
I'm gonna go pack my regular, long bathing suit.
Good, you're still here!
Have a good honeymoon.
Oh, thank you!
And I wanted you guys to know I am telling the father today.
What? 
What? 
What?
-We know it's Ross.
-How? 
How do you know?
It was his sweater. 
But, oh, my God!
I wanted Ross to know first.
But I'm relieved!
-I'm gonna be your baby's aunt!
-I know.
-Me too!
-I'm gonna be an uncle! 
Come here.
-You'll all be aunts and uncles.
-But I'm the only one related by blood.
Now that you all know, you can give me advice on how to tell Ross.
What'll you say?
That I'm having it. 
And he can be as involved as he wants.
That sounds good.
Yeah, but how do I start?
What's the first thing that I say?
-Okay, great. 
Thanks.
-Hey, good luck.
Yeah, bye.
What was that about?
No harm in telling you now.
Rachel and Ross are having a baby.
What? 
I didn't even know!
Why didn't you tell me?
Why am I talking like this?
-You aren't good at keeping secrets.
-What?
What?
I'm an excellent secret-keeper.
I've kept all our secrets.
-What secrets?
-No, no, Joey.
I'm not gonna tell you because I am an excellent secret-keeper.
-You'll tell me later?
-You already know.
The One Where Rachel Tells Ross
It's so romantic to send people off on their honeymoon.
You know, they're married.
Ross and Rachel are having a baby.
-Maybe you and I should do something.
-All in good time, my love.
I left my guitar in their apartment.
You can let me in, right?
They took my key to give to you.
-What? 
They took mine to give to you.
-Why would they take our keys?
-Maybe they don't trust us.
-They let me keep my key last time.
When you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it with Monica's towels?
-I washed those.
-No, you didn't.
Yeah, that didn't sound like me.
-I really need my guitar.
-I have stuff in there too.
-What stuff?
-Monica's chicken parm. 
I'll fix it.
Mr. Treeger? 
I need to get into Monica's apartment. 
It's an emergency!
Gas leak.
Oh, and bring garlic bread.
Did Monica and Chandler take off?
They forgot my pass to the Nassau Fossil and Natural History Museum.
There goes the honeymoon.
-Did Rachel find you?
-No, why?
-She was looking for you.
-I guess I'll catch up with her later.
-She really wanted to talk to you now.
-Yeah, it seemed pretty important.
-Oh, no.
-What?
I think I might know what this is about.
Really?
Yeah. 
We promised we weren't gonna tell anybody this... 
... buta monthago, Rachel and I slept together.
And?
-Wow, I thought you'd be more shocked.
-Oh, sorry. 
And?
!
Well, we said we'd just do it that one time... 
... butnowIthinkshemay wanna start things up again.
Yeah, I don't think that's what it is.
-Why? 
What else could it be?
-Oh, wow, I don't feel well.
I'm telling you, that's what it is.
No wonder she was looking at me funny at the wedding.
She didn't say anything to you?
Maybe it's something you ate.
-Please, just go and talk to Rachel.
-Yeah, I guess I should.
You know what I have to realize?
I'm not the type of guy women can have just one night with.
They always seem to want a little bit more.
I should remember that.
Next.
-They're kissing, let's go around.
-They're in love.
I'm in love too.
But in an orderly fashion.
-Next.
-Hi. 
Can you do that and walk?
Sorry, we didn't hear you.
We're on our honeymoon.
Let me see what I can do.
There are some first class seats.
They bumped them up to first class!
Let's act like we're on our honeymoon.
We are on our honeymoon.
-Grab my ass.
-Next.
Sorry, I almost didn't hear you.
I'm so in love with my new husband.
-We're on our honeymoon.
-Congratulations.
Mr. Bing, you'll be in 25J, and Mrs. Bing, you're in 25K.
We're on our honeymoon, so can you bump us up to first class?
I'm sorry, that couple got the last two seats.
If we'd gone around them like I said, she'd have given us those tickets!
25J and K, any chance those aren't together?
They took my key.
You trust me with yours.
Of course, and I'll give it back... 
... whenthey'redone at the key shining place.
What the hell is that?
-What are you doing?
-You said there was a gas leak.
-Why don't you use your key?
-I won't find it before it explodes.
If that happens at another building I manage, people will ask questions.
We could have done that.
They're going into the first class lounge.
-You know what's in there?
-No.
Me neither. 
We have to get in!
-Just act like you belong.
-Oh, my God! 
Oranges!
-Nice to see you again.
-May I see your tickets, please?
Yes, of course.
I can't see the seat number.
That's all right.
I have it memorized. 
It's 1 A.
-This isn't first class, sorry.
-Apology accepted.
Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Fine.
Go, go, go!
I think there's something that we really need to talk about.
I think we do.
Why don't we go inside?
-Look, I know why you're here.
-You do?
Yeah, and to save you from any embarrassment, I should talk first.
Ross and Rachel.
Rachel and Ross.
It's been one heck of a seesaw, hasn't it?
What?
I mean, look, that one night we had was fun and certainly passionate.
But don't you think it's better if we just stay friends?
Seriously, what?
Okay, okay. 
You know what?
If you want to, we can do it one more time.
I'd be okay with that.
In fact, I have some time right now.
-You know what? 
Can I talk now?
-Oh, sure.
I'm pregnant.
Ross?
Ross?
Okay, whenever you're ready.
And you're the father, by the way.
-Can I get you some water?
-I'm good, I'm good.
Ross, there is no pressure on you.
You can be as involved as you want.
Yeah, I... . 
I 'mjust,Idon 'tknow.
I don't understand... 
... howthishappened.
-We used a condom.
-I know.
But you know, condoms only work, like, 97% of the time.
What? 
What?
What?
!
Well, they should put that on the box!
-They do.
-No, they don't!
Well, they should put it in huge block letters!
-Let's just forget about the condoms.
-Well, I may as well have!
-I was really freaked out too when-- 
-Freaked out? 
I'm not freaked out.
I'm indignant as a consumer!
-You know what? 
Let's talk later.
-No, I wanna talk now.
In fact, I wanna talk to the president of the condom company.
Okay, maybe I should come back--
Yeah, I'll press one!
-I looked everywhere. 
No gas leak.
-So now I can heat this up?
I'll get moving on that door.
Great. 
Could you not tell Chandler and Monica about this?
They don't have any kids of their own... 
... andthisdoorwas  like a child to them.
I have to put in a new lock.
They'll find out anyway.
This looks like an all-day job.
I'll have to cancel my yoga class.
Could you tell Jasmine I can't make it to yoga?
-Sure.
-Namaste.
-What happened to the door?
-So it's noticeable?
-Is Rachel here?
-Didn't you two already talk?
Yeah, but... . 
You guys know Rachel and I slept together, but there's something else.
Rachel's pregnant.
-Holy mother of God!
-I can't believe it!
-With my child.
-That is brand-new information!
-You already know, don't you?
-A little bit.
-How you doing?
-Okay. 
I mean, I'll be okay.
I didn't handle it well.
-What'd you say?
-Nothing.
But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful.
Then when I turned around, she was gone.
But in my defense, I found out that condoms are only 97% effective.
-What?
-I gotta go find her.
Hold on! 
Are you serious? 
So, like, 3% of the time they don't even work?
They should put that on the box!
-Evidently, they do.
-What?
!
Well, I'll be.
-I can't believe we're here.
-You've gotta be kidding.
What?
As a wedding gift, we're giving you the Honeymoon Suite.
No! 
You have been screwing us all day!
-Who are you?
-We're you. 
Just 1 0 seconds later!
You got first class, the lounge.
We need free stuff!
You're not the only ones on your honeymoon!
You can have the suite.
We don't care where we stay.
We're here to celebrate our love.
We just want to be together.
We need the stuff.
Hey, it's Joey. 
We smell gas from your apartment.
-Are you serious? 
Joey smells gas.
-What else is new?
-We'd check it, but you took our keys.
-Do something. 
Get in!
-How? 
I could break down your door.
-Yeah, do that.
-You won't blame us for any damage?
-No.
-Are you doing it? 
I can't hear.
-Okay, I'll break it down.
He's doing it, he's breaking down the door.
Okay, we're in.
-Rachel, are you comfortable?
-If I said I was, would you judge me?
The doctor'll be here in a minute to do your sonogram.
Oh, man, I swear, if they sold these at Pottery Barn... . 
We need to talk.
Right now? 
I kind of got an alfresco situation going on over here.
I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier.
-Can you stay up near my head?
-Yeah, sorry.
I went crazy. 
I was thinking about me, and I should've thought of you-- 
-Head, Ross! 
Head!
-Right.
I want you to know that I'll be there through this whole thing.
Doctor's appointments, Lamaze classes, baby-proofing the apartment.
-We can do that after we get married.
-Married?
We should get married.
Because that's your answer to everything?
No, it's the right thing to do.
Yeah, maybe, if you're in love.
But we are not in love, are we?
No, but still, I mean, you can't possibly do this alone.
Excuse me?
Come on, you can't even eat alone in a restaurant.
-What?
-How can you have a baby by yourself?
-I can too eat by myself!
-When have you ever?
When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!
Certain others take two hours to eat soup!
Please, you inhale your food.
I grew up with Monica. 
If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat!
Am I interrupting?
No, Dr. Long, come in.
This is Ross, the father.
But not the husband, because she can do this alone.
Nice to meet you.
I'll get started on this.
-Why can't you admit you need me?
-I need you to stay near my head!
Okay. 
Everything looks good.
Here it is on the screen.
There's your uterus... 
... andrighthereisyour baby .
Oh, my God.
Wow! 
There it is, I see it.
Congratulations.
I'll give you two a minute.
Thank you.
Pretty amazing, huh?
I don't see it!
-What? 
What?
-I can't see it.
-You just said you did.
-I know, I lied.
I didn't want her to think I was a terrible mother.
Come here. 
Sure you can.
Come here. 
Look, it's right there.
Oh, it's beautiful.
I see it now.
-Do you really?
-No, I don't see it!
Come on. 
All right. 
Okay. 
Okay.
You see this tiny thing that looks like a peanut?
Sweetie, that's it.
That's it? 
Well, I saw that.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
Wow, I can't believe that's our baby.
Yeah, that's our baby.
They put up the new door.
-So, it's locked up and secure?
-Yeah, why?
I'm trying to figure out how bad I want one of Monica's turkey pot pies.
-So how was the doctor?
-It went great.
-Good.
-Show them the picture of your uterus.
I don't see the baby.
I couldn't see it either at first. 
But it's right... . 
I lost it again.
Subtitles by SDI Media Group
[ENGLISH]
No problem getting a cab. 
No traffic.
-My way totally works.
-I feel totally relaxed and calm.
Go, go, go!
Let's see, you're on the flight to Nassau.
Mr. Bing, you'll be in 25J.
Mrs. Bing, you'll be in 25K.
-Mrs. 
Bing.
-It is a funny name.
We just got married.
We're going on our honeymoon.
Really? 
Congratulations.
You know what, let me see what I can do.
I can bump you into first class.
Thanks.
If we were here any earlier, those seats may have been gone.
Compromise works.
My name is "Mrs. Bing. " Haven't I compromised enough?
Could you hurry up?
I have never set one of these off, and I won't start now.
My anklet. 
That was a close one.
"Federal law prohibits any joking regarding highjacking or bombing. "
Don't worry about me, I take my bombs very seriously.
-Sir, come with us.
-No, wait! 
Chandler!
That doesn't count.
Backwards doesn't count!
This is ridiculous.
I was just making a joke.
The sign says, "No jokes about bombs," but it should say, "No bombs. "
Isn't that the guy we really have to worry about here?
Not that I have bombs, but if I did I wouldn't joke about them.
I'd probably wanna keep that rather quiet.
I'm sorry, you had some questions for me?
What is your association?
-He's my husband.
-I see.
But only for a few days. 
I don't know what he does outside of the house.
Thanks, darling.
It's the first time we're traveling my way, so we have to make this flight.
It's her plan versus my plan.
What do you mean by "plan"?
You really should just ask me yes or no questions.
That's not his bag, it's mine.
-It's just procedure.
-But everything is packed perfectly.
It took me forever to do this.
There are over 50 folded pieces.
You're mean.
-All right, you're free to go.
-Thanks.
About those Speedos, I don't know how they got in there.
We smell gas coming from your apartment.
Are you serious?
-Joey smells gas.
-What else is new?
-We'd check it, but you took our keys.
-Do something!
-You want us to break down your door?
-Yes!
-You won't blame us for any damage?
-No!
You sure you want this?
No, I want you to just wait for the place to blow up.
Step back inside, please.

- Are you excited about our honeymoon?
- Yeah, I am.
Bermuda, Bahama Come on, pretty mama
Get it out of your system while we're alone.
- We came to say goodbye.
- Have a great honeymoon.
- Thanks.
- I'll go pack.
I already packed.
But I couldn't find your Speedo.
Speedo? 
I don't have a Speedo.
I'm gonna go pack my regular, long bathing suit.
Good, you're still here!
Have a good honeymoon.
Oh, thank you!
And I wanted you guys to know I am telling the father today.
What? 
What? 
What?
- We know it's Ross.
- How? 
How do you know?
It was his sweater. 
But, oh, my God!
I wanted Ross to know first.
But I'm relieved!
- I'm gonna be your baby's aunt!
- I know.
- Me too!
- I'm gonna be an uncle! 
Come here.
- You'll all be aunts and uncles.
- But I'm the only one related by blood.
Now that you all know, you can give me advice on how to tell Ross.
What'll you say?
That I'm having it. 
And he can be as involved as he wants.
That sounds good.
Yeah, but how do I start?
What's the first thing that I say?
- Okay, great. 
Thanks.
- Hey, good luck.
Yeah, bye.
What was that about?
No harm in telling you now.
Rachel and Ross are having a baby.
What? 
I didn't even know!
Why didn't you tell me?
Why am I talking like this?
I didn't think you could keep it a secret.
I'm an excellent secret-keeper.
I've kept all our secrets.
- What secrets?
- No, no, Joey.
I'm not gonna tell you because I am an excellent secret-keeper.
- You'll tell me later?
- You already know.
The One Where Rachel Tells Ross
It's so romantic to send people off on their honeymoon.
You know, they're married.
Ross and Rachel are having a baby.
- Maybe you and I should do something.
- All in good time, my love.
I left my guitar in their apartment.
You can let me in, right?
They took my key to give to you.
- What? 
They took mine to give to you.
- Why would they take our keys?
- Maybe they don't trust us.
- They let me keep my key last time.
When you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it with Monica's towels?
- I washed those.
- No, you didn't.
Yeah, that didn't sound like me.
- I really need my guitar.
- I have stuff in there too.
- What stuff?
- Monica's chicken parm. 
I'll fix it.
Mr. Treeger? 
I need to get into Monica's apartment. 
It's an emergency!
Gas leak.
Oh, and bring garlic bread.
- Did Rachel find you?
- No, why?
- She was looking for you.
- I guess I'll catch up with her later.
- She really wanted to talk to you now.
- Yeah, it seemed pretty important.
- Oh, no.
- What?
I think I might know what this is about.
Really?
Yeah. 
We promised we weren't gonna tell anybody this but a month ago, Rachel and I slept together.
And?
- Wow, I thought you'd be more shocked.
- Oh, sorry. 
And?
!
Well, we said we'd just do it that one time but now I think she may wanna start things up again.
Yeah, I don't think that's what it is.
- Why? 
What else could it be?
- Oh, wow, I don't feel well.
I'm telling you, that's what it is.
No wonder she was looking at me funny at the wedding.
She didn't say anything to you?
Maybe it's something you ate.
- Please, just go and talk to Rachel.
- Yeah, I guess I should.
You know what I have to realize?
I'm not the type of guy women can have just one night with.
They always seem to want a little bit more.
I should remember that.
Next.
- They're kissing, let's go around.
- They're in love.
I'm in love too.
But in an orderly fashion.
- Next.
- Hi. 
Can you do that and walk?
Sorry, we didn't hear you.
We're on our honeymoon.
Let me see what I can do.
There are some first class seats.
They bumped them up to first class!
Let's act like we're on our honeymoon.
We are on our honeymoon.
- Grab my ass.
- Next.
Sorry, I almost didn't hear you.
I'm so in love with my new husband.
- We're on our honeymoon.
- Congratulations.
Mr. Bing, you'll be in 25J, and Mrs. Bing, you're in 25K.
We're on our honeymoon, so can you bump us up to first class?
I'm sorry, that couple got the last two seats.
If we'd gone around them like I said, she'd have given us those tickets!
25J and K, any chance those aren't together?
They took my key.
You trust me with yours.
Of course, and I'll give it back when they're done at the key shining place.
What the hell is that?
- What are you doing?
- You said there was a gas leak.
- Why don't you use your key?
- I won't find it before it explodes.
If that happens at another building I manage, people will ask questions.
We could have done that.
They're going into the first class lounge.
- You know what's in there?
- No.
Me neither. 
We have to get in!
- Just act like you belong.
- Oh, my God! 
Oranges!
- Nice to see you again.
- May I see your tickets, please?
Yes, of course.
I can't see the seat number.
That's all right.
I have it memorized. 
It's 1 A.
- This isn't first class, sorry.
- Apology accepted.
Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Fine.
Go, go, go!
I think there's something that we really need to talk about.
I think we do.
Why don't we go inside?
- Look, I know why you're here.
- You do?
Yeah, and to save you from any embarrassment, I should talk first.
Ross and Rachel.
Rachel and Ross.
It's been one heck of a seesaw, hasn't it?
What?
I mean, look, that one night we had was fun and certainly passionate.
But don't you think it's better if we just stay friends?
Seriously, what?
Okay, okay. 
You know what?
If you want to, we can do it one more time.
I'd be okay with that.
In fact, I have some time right now.
- You know what? 
Can I talk now?
- Oh, sure.
I'm pregnant.
Ross?
Ross?
Okay, whenever you're ready.
And you're the father, by the way.
- Can I get you some water?
- I'm good, I'm good.
Ross, there is no pressure on you.
You can be as involved as you want.
Yeah, I... 
I'm just, I don't know.
I don't understand how this happened.
- We used a condom.
- I know.
But you know, condoms only work, like, 97% of the time.
What? 
What?
What?
!
Well, they should put that on the box!
- They do.
- No, they don't!
Well, they should put it in huge block letters!
- Let's just forget about the condoms.
- Well, I may as well have!
- I was really freaked out too when...
- Freaked out? 
I'm not freaked out.
I'm indignant as a consumer!
- You know what? 
Let's talk later.
- No, I wanna talk now.
In fact, I wanna talk to the president of the condom company.
Okay, maybe I should come back...
Yeah, I'll press one!
- I looked everywhere. 
No gas leak.
- So now I can heat this up?
I'll get moving on that door.
Great. 
Could you not tell Chandler and Monica about this?
They don't have any kids of their own and this door was like a child to them.
I have to put in a new lock.
They'll find out anyway.
This looks like an all-day job.
I'll have to cancel my yoga class.
Could you tell Jasmine I can't make it to yoga?
- Sure.
- Namaste.
- What happened to the door?
- So it's noticeable?
- Is Rachel here?
- Didn't you two already talk?
Yeah, but...
You guys know Rachel and I slept together, but there's something else.
Rachel's pregnant.
- Holy mother of God!
- I can't believe it!
- With my child.
- That is brand-new information!
- You already know, don't you?
- A little bit.
- How you doing?
- Okay. 
I mean, I'll be okay.
I didn't handle it well.
- What'd you say?
- Nothing.
But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful.
Then when I turned around, she was gone.
But in my defense, I found out that condoms are only 97% effective.
- What?
- I gotta go find her.
Hold on! 
Are you serious? 
So, like, 3% of the time they don't even work?
They should put that on the box!
- Evidently, they do.
- What?
!
- I can't believe we're here.
- You've gotta be kidding.
What?
As a wedding gift, we're giving you the Honeymoon Suite.
No! 
You have been screwing us all day!
- Who are you?
- We're you. 
Just 10 seconds later!
You got first class, the lounge.
We need free stuff!
You're not the only ones on your honeymoon!
You can have the suite.
We don't care where we stay.
We're here to celebrate our love.
We just want to be together.
We need the stuff.
Hey, it's Joey. 
We smell gas from your apartment.
- Are you serious? 
Joey smells gas.
- What else is new?
- We'd check it, but you took our keys.
- Do something. 
Get in!
- How? 
I could break down your door.
- Yeah, do that.
- You won't blame us for any damage?
- No.
- Are you doing it? 
I can't hear.
- Okay, I'll break it down.
He's doing it, he's breaking down the door.
Okay, we're in.
- Rachel, are you comfortable?
- If I said I was, would you judge me?
The doctor'll be here in a minute to do your sonogram.
Oh, man, I swear, if they sold these at Pottery Barn...
We need to talk.
Right now? 
I kind of got an alfresco situation going on over here.
I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier.
- Can you stay up near my head?
- Yeah, sorry.
I went crazy. 
I was thinking about me, and I should've thought of you...
- Head, Ross! 
Head!
- Right.
I want you to know that I'll be there through this whole thing.
Doctor's appointments, Lamaze classes, baby-proofing the apartment.
- We can do that after we get married.
- Married?
We should get married.
Because that's your answer to everything?
No, it's the right thing to do.
Yeah, maybe, if you're in love.
But we are not in love, are we?
No, but still, I mean, you can't possibly do this alone.
Excuse me?
Come on, you can't even eat alone in a restaurant.
- What?
- How can you have a baby by yourself?
- I can too eat by myself!
- When have you ever?
When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!
Certain others take two hours to eat soup!
Please, you inhale your food.
I grew up with Monica. 
If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat!
Am I interrupting?
No, Dr. Long, come in.
This is Ross, the father.
But not the husband, because she can do this alone.
Nice to meet you.
I'll get started on this.
- Why can't you admit you need me?
- I need you to stay near my head!
Okay. 
Everything looks good.
Here it is on the screen.
There's your uterus and right here is your baby.
Oh, my God.
Wow! 
There it is, I see it.
Congratulations.
I'll give you two a minute.
Thank you.
Pretty amazing, huh?
I don't see it!
- What? 
What?
- I can't see it.
- You just said you did.
- I know, I lied.
I didn't want her to think I was a terrible mother.
Come here. 
Sure you can.
Come here. 
Look, it's right there.
Oh, it's beautiful.
I see it now.
- Do you really?
- No, I don't see it!
Come on. 
All right. 
Okay. 
Okay.
You see this tiny thing that looks like a peanut?
Sweetie, that's it.
That's it? 
Well, I saw that.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Wow, I can't believe that's our baby.
Yeah, that's our baby.
- So how was the doctor?
- It went great.
- Good.
- Show them the picture of your uterus.
I don't see the baby.
I couldn't see it either at first. 
But it's right...
Ross, I lost it again.
Subtitles by SDI Media Group
[ENGLISH]

Ripped By mstoll
This is giving me such a hard-on!
We can cheat and be in invincible mode, and you can't!
Defend the third floor of the mansion at all costs!
They've gotten this far already?
Jeez, the security in this place totally sucks.
What should I do?
Old man's blood tastes like shit.
But, it's no fun just shooting.
Fargason!
Reply! 
Fargason!
Integra, what's going on?
A surprise attack by an unidentified group.
Our organization's active units are responding to the attack.
Hello, can you hear me?
Greetings to all the Round Table conference members and that little shitty whore-bitch Ms. Hellsing, can you hear me?
We are the Valentine Brothers!
I'm the younger brother, Jan!
Nice to meet you!
We're in the middle of a late lunch, right now!
Enjoying the delicious taste of your Hellsing organization members!
Ghouls... on my organization...
I'm on my way to kill you guys as well!
Did you finish peeing?
How about praying to God?
Are you prepared to beg for your lives while shuddering in the corners of the room? 
Okay?
Well, you may have time to commit suicide.
- So why don't you die already?
- God...
See you! 
I love you everybody!
Well, then let's start with you, Mr. Commander!
What... was that?
!
Damn pig!
Commander! 
Are you all right?
How's our unit?
I was helping the injured that weren't already eaten by ghouls.
So I'm not sure of the situation.
I'll remain here.
What are you talking about?
!
I believed the human units could destroy all freaks.
I will listen to your story later!
What the hell?
I thought that Arucard dude was the only one.
What are we going to do?
What should we do?
Are we just going to sit here and be killed?
No, we have an escape plan ready.
Isn't that right, Integra?
An emergency helicopter is standing by on the roof of the operations wing.
Let us leave immediately!
We don't have time to waste here!
Please wait!
This room is protected by 15 mm of solid lead.
However, if we were to leave this room,
I could not protect 11 people from the ghouls all by myself.
Then what else can we do?
Fargason must have already reported this emergency to the authorities.
Once they find they are unable to contact us, someone will come here to investigate.
What was that?
!
It seems they have destroyed our helicopter.
The enemy must have done their homework.
This is no time to be impressed, Integra.
Ghoul soldiers are useful because they won't die, but they just can't seem to do this type of work.
Jan, come in.
Hello!
This is the leader of the big Hellsing killing unit, Jan!
Oh yeah!
Is anything wrong?
Nothing is wrong.
You told me about the "native," but there's another one here.
She just went underground.
Understood.
I'll take care of that.
I'm working hard.
The first and second floors are already taken care of.
I just have to kill that stupid bitch and the old farts on the third floor.
Oh?
!
I guess there still are a few humans left alive.
Master!
What are you doing here at a time like this?
!
Just waiting.
For the enemy?
They're on the first floor.
My enemy is not like the one you just fought with.
I-Is that so?
I'm surprised they brought so many ghouls inside.
They completely control the first floor and the second floor is slowly succumbing.
Where is Sir Integra?
Up there, on the third floor.
We have to rescue her!
I'm on my way there now.
Miss Police Girl, would you like to come with me?
Walter, "The Angel of Death..." I get to see that again?
An old man and a rookie...
The two of us make a complete set.
The "Angel of Death"?
Miss Police Girl, please take your weapon with you.
Oh, that...
Damn it!
This is making me sick!
There's a tremendous gap between the rich and the poor in England.
She's smoking these expensive leaves.
Hey! 
Don't you guys think so?
I'm sure you do!
It's not enough to just kill that bitch!
I'll fuck her, kill her, and fuck her dead body one more time!
They're coming!
They are already upon us!
What are you going to do? 
Huh?
!
Huh?
!
You allowed them to attack the center of this organization, but I don't intend to blame you at this time.
I only hope you have a way to take care of this.
You do have some escape route secured, right?
!
Answer me now! 
Integra Hellsing!
The real power of the Hellsing organization hasn't even come into play yet!
Are you referring to the vampire you are keeping for the purpose of killing off his own kind even though your original mission is to destroy them entirely?
This is no time to be vague!
The ordeals that the first master of the Hellsing family had to go through one century ago, were much greater than this.
No matter how intelligent these artificial junk food vampires become...
No matter the strength of the force they bring to bear on us the Hellsing family will not be shaken.
The monsters, who entered this mansion built with honor and blood...
We will break them into pieces without exception and burn them down in perdition's flames!
What?
There's someone on this floor I haven't killed yet?
I guess I can't move like I did long ago.
W-What do you want old fart?
Walter C. Dollneaz a servant of the Hellsing family and a former member of the Hellsing organization.
Prepare yourself!
What?
!
Ghouls! 
Fire!
Too slow.
Their movements are too sluggish.
Ghouls are ghouls.
I can see your idea, but it falls far short of a true immortal army.
Walter, the Angel of Death, don't overexert yourself.
You're finally here.
Old fart! 
You son of a!
Did you finish peeing?
How about praying to God?
Are you prepared to beg for your life?
Yes, yes, yes!
That's just what I wanted to hear!
I was getting bored 'cause I'm winning too easily, Grandpa.
March!
Miss Seras, would you please provide artillery support?
Yes.
The second shot. 
The center of the enemy's line of battle.
Use an incendiary shell.
The VT explosive charge number 4, red.
Y-Yes.
Over there!
Your life's about to end, Old Fart!
Mr. Walter, are you all right?
It seems that I can't carry on like I did in the old days.
However, you have a great restraining technique.
Oh, you know, I am a former member of the police department.
Damn it!
You're not human either! 
I knew it!
Well, can you answer me?
Kid.
What do you hope to gain by attacking here?
Who gave the order?
Don't underestimate us!
You're late.
I got tired waiting.
I see. 
So you have.
Then let's spark your interest.
I've been waiting for this moment.
The confrontation with the famous Arucard...
Let's find out just how good I really am!
You're pretty fast.
If you think I'm like the other instants, you're mistaken.
I'm going to be the first to exceed you!
Then let's do the other side, too.
Hey...
Who gave you a second life?
Who implanted the chip in your body?
Is this more of your false bravado?
There's nothing left of your poor army.
You're not only trying to kill us, you're trying to enslave our organization?
We have quite a plan.
No...
Not again...
I don't want to kill my fellow...
Didn't I tell you not to lump me in with those who came before me.
I have all the abilities that you vampires have.
Well, in fact I have more.
Why don't you go cannibal on each other?
Bitch!
Everyone... became ghouls...
Miss Seras!
No!
How pleasant!
I haven't had this much fun in a long time.
I will recognize you as a category A vampire.
It can't be!
He's got a bullet in his head!
No, this isn't real.
There's no such thing as the perfect immortal.
Control art restriction system released to second level.
Situation A.
Cromwell approval is in effect.
Releasing power restriction until the target has been silenced.
What?
Now, I'll show you how real vampires fight!
What are you trying to do?
I won't let you go!
You cannot escape, kid!
What?
No...
Let me go!
Miss Seras?
!
What the hell?
!
What the hell are you?
!
Oh, what's the matter?
You've only lost two legs.
Bring out your servant demons!
Transform your body!
Regenerate your legs and stand up!
Pick up your gun and fight back!
The night has just begun.
The real fun is about to begin.
Hurry!
Hurry! 
Hurry! 
Hurry! 
Hurry!
Hurry! 
Hurry!
Monster!
You're a real monster!
I see.
You...
You're just like the others.
I'll kill you right now!
Little Hellsing!
Police Girl!
Miss Seras Victoria!
As I suspected, you're an incapable and worthless being.
You're dog food.
Hey, bitch!
You gave me a hard time.
Don't laugh.
Incendiary mercury bullets?
!
Tell me your master's name.
I won't let you die until you do.
Ripped By mstoll

No, I gotta go to class.
- What's up?
- All right, man, see you later.
Go to Duncan Matthews' party?
I don't think so.
- You gonna finish that moo juice?
- You can have mine.
- Come on. 
It might be fun.
- Matthews is a jerk.
- No he's not. 
I'd go.
- No freshmen allowed.
Oh, Matthews is a jerk.
Half of the school will be there.
Suppose somebody gets too close to Kurt?
That holo-projector won't stop them from feeling his fur.
Hey! 
Chicks dig the fuzzy dude!
Right?
I am, like, so out of here.
Later!
- Oh, yeah. 
She can't resist.
- I'm trying to be serious here.
Look, we go to Matthews' party. 
Suppose Dukes or Maximoff try to start something?
- We're not the only mutants in the school.
- Yeah, just the cool ones.
Hey, come on, Scott.
What's wrong with a little socializing?
I'm sorry, but I just don't think it's a good idea.
Dude, it's just a party!
Time to shake that tail!
- Party! 
Party! 
Party!
- Hey, watch the tail!
Now see?
That's exactly what I'm talking about!
- You pulled my tail, man!
- Grow up, Kurt.
- Hey, lighten up, dude!
- You're always goofing around.
- And you're seriously cramping my style!
- Listen...
No! 
You listen! 
There's a sound I want you to hear. 
And it's:
- Blew it, didn't I?
- Oh, yeah.
Totally.
I have got to work on my re-entries.
- Oh, weak, man.
- Who's there?
Man, somebody should fire the custodian.
January 22, 1978.
Hi there. 
If you're hearing this, you've got 10 seconds before this lab self-destructs. 
Have a nice day. 
What's left of it. 
I should have paid attention in computer lab!
Hey! 
Hey! 
Are you okay?
What happened?
- Lab. 
Booby-trapped.
- Lab?
Whatever this stuff was, it's thrashed now.
Except for this.
What are you doing here?
Look who's talking!
At least I didn't blow the place up.
Hey, let go of that!
Back off, blue boy!
Who says you're in charge here?
He's gone!
What happened? 
Where am I?
The Twilight Zone?
Man, Scott's gotta lighten up.
Yeah, but Kurt's gotta, like, know when to quit.
Kitty? 
Kitty!
No! 
Wait! 
No!
What's happening to me?
Hey!
Out of the way!
My lunch!
You are to stay away from this area, Mr. Tolansky.
If I see one drop of slime on my new car, it's detention for life. 
Are we clear?
Oh, yes.
We're very clear.
- What's this?
- Don't touch it!
- Why not?
- It's...
Never you mind!
Just leave it alone!
What's the matter?
Little Rogue get into some trouble?
Trouble? 
No. 
There's just one less X
- Man to push us around.
Say what? 
You mean, you toasted one of them goody-goods with that thing? 
Wicked.
Hey! 
Just leave it alone!
You got it, swamp breath?
Jeez, what is this, Abuse the Toad Day?
Cool.
- So you think I should apologize to Kurt?
- Well, what matters is what you think.
You gotta admit he jerks around way too much.
So is that worth losing a friend over?
- A ghost! 
We just saw a ghost!
- Yeah! 
A blue and hairy demon!
- I'm out of here!
- I warned him!
Kurt?
- Not there?
- No. 
You'd better contact him.
Tell him to knock it off.
Scott, I can't pick up a trace of Kurt anywhere. 
It's like he doesn't exist.
Try again.
He's gotta be somewhere.
I am. 
I'm not getting anything.
He's just completely gone.
Or somebody did something to him.
- What are you looking at, Summers?
- Where's Kurt?
Yeah, like we'd tell you!
- Scott, no!
- Hey!
- I said, where is he?
- Get off of me!
What have you done with Kurt?
- Get lost, slim!
- Put him down!
Back off, red, or I'll rock you!
- Fight!
- Fight!
Fight! 
Fight! 
Fight! 
Fight!
What is going on here?
We weren't doing nothing.
Yeah! 
Summers here just went ballistic on us for no reason!
- Oh, I've got a reason.
- Scott...
Quiet! 
You two in my office now.
Okay. 
Wherever this is, I can't teleport out!
This is just way too freaky!
It's raining furniture!
See the desk. 
Don't see the desk.
See the chair. 
Don't see the chair.
So, Miss Big Shot, let's see how you like my new clean office policy.
Inside, both of you.
I don't care what influence Xavier has with the school board. 
I am going to get...
What?
! 
What happened here?
Who took my furniture?
Bet I know what happened to Kurt.
- Scott, look!
- It's Kurt! 
Or his ghost.
No. 
I got a brief mental reading.
- It's like he's trapped somewhere.
- I think we better have a talk with the Toad.
Whoa! 
Where'd you come from?
- Relax.
- What are you, man?
Don't let my looks fool you.
I'm a harmless blue fuzz ball. 
Really.
Hey, I know you. 
You're the one I saw on the computer screen just before it blew.
Yeah. 
The name's Forge. 
You found my lab, huh? 
What's with the Halloween getup?
No costume. 
I'm human. 
But I'm a mutant.
I know I look strange, but...
- There are some fringe benefits.
- Trippy! 
I thought I was the only one.
There he goes!
- Take that!
- Shadowcat, down!
Man! 
Somebody's really giving that gizmo of yours a workout.
Get him!
That gizmo is a trans-dimensional projector.
My science fair project back in '78.
And when I fired it up it created this pocket dimension that I call "Middleverse. "
I got caught in the ray myself and I've been here ever since.
- '78? 
But you still look...
- Like I did then? 
I know. 
I can't explain it.
They shut down and locked my lab after the accident.
Everyone was totally freaked when I disappeared.
- So there's no way back?
- Not without help from the other side.
And I'm thinking that you may be able to help out on that.
And, man, I'm telling you, I'm ready to go home.
- You are so lucky.
- Oh, isn't he so cute?
- Totally!
- I know.
So just how far does this Middleverse extend?
Stops just short of the girls' locker room.
Isn't that a burn?
- Done!
- What is it?
This little baby will alter the phase-shift frequency of your teleport power.
- My English is a little limited.
- You can teleport back to the real world.
- All right!
- But only for a sec.
These batteries don't have much power.
Still, with luck, you can tell somebody how to reset the projector to get us back.
Oh, I just hope they don't think I'm joking.
I kind of have that rep.
Get lost!
I'm warning you!
Got it!
That's it!
I'm out of here!
Why don't you stick around for a while?
- Now, tell us what you did to Kurt.
- I didn't do anything!
He didn't. 
I did.
If you all want to find blue boy, you better let him go.
This is where it happened.
- If you've hurt him, I'm gonna...
- You start threatening me and you're never gonna find your friend.
- Whoa, take it easy, Cyclops.
- Yeah. 
Just like I'm always telling you.
Yo, guys! 
We've been running a diagnostic on this thing.
Can you believe it? 
It uses CP/M!
I mean, talk about retro, man.
It's putting out some kind of, like, steady low-power pulse wave that just seems to disappear into thin air.
- And that means what exactly?
We figure that the pulse has trapped the Crawler in some other dimension.
- Okay. 
So let's trash this thing.
- No, no! 
They've got it all wrong!
If they destroy the projector, we'll be trapped here forever!
Everyone stand back. 
I'm gonna use full power. 
This could get messy.
You know, I could just, like, phase through the gizmo and, like, quietly short it out.
Right. 
Forget I mentioned it. 
Like, what is it with guys and explosions anyway?
Forge, hurry! 
They're gonna nuke the projector any second!
Done! 
I think it'll make you visible for a second.
- But I was so rushed putting it together...
- Just tell me what to do!
Push that button and teleport.
Tell them not to destroy the machine.
They have to reset it instead. 
But you've only got a second before the battery fries.
Right! 
I'm gone!
Wha...?
Reset! 
Don't des...
- You guys saw that, right?
- He's still alive!
What was he saying?
He said, "Reset, don't. " You know, don't reset it. 
He wants you to blow it up! 
Do it!
I swear these guys are, like, obsessed!
It sounded more like a warning to me.
- Do you think they'll get it?
- I just hope they believe it.
A warning? 
From the goof-man himself?
No! 
Come on, shred that sucker!
Man, you do have a rep.
No. 
Nightcrawler's a joker, but even he knows when it's time to get serious.
- Yes!
- If he wanted to blow up the projector why didn't he just say, "Don't reset"?
Instead of "reset" then "don't. "
Oh, Cyc!
You the man!
I think he wants us to reset this thing.
- Score!
- Score!
Intensity settings, power regulators, beam width, restart!
Come on!
Teleport through!
- Hang on! 
Let's go!
- We can't. 
The battery's tapped out.
- We need more juice to get us home.
- Look!
The portal won't last much longer.
It's now or never!
What's the matter?
Let's go!
Another power source?
I know! 
Come on!
- What are they doing?
- I don't know. 
But I hope they hustle!
There they are! 
And they still got that vape-ray I was telling you about.
Rogue, Mystique sent us to find you.
So you with us or them?
- Mystique? 
You working for her?
- Hey, you got your friends, I got mine.
But this ain't my fight.
I'm out of here.
Okay. 
Fork it over, losers.
Or this place is gonna rock.
The projector stays with us.
X
- Men, keep that portal open!
Your call.
Groovy ride!
But where's this power source?
Check it!
- Far out, man!
- I swear, that homey's lingo is so wack!
Come on!
Hit me with your best shot, slim!
- Takes more than that to stop the Blob!
- Thanks for the tip. 
Jean!
You and me got a date, pretty Kitty.
How about a ride on the concrete coaster?
Lousy ride, loser!
Come on! 
Come on!
What you got?
You ain't got nothing! 
That's right!
You ain't got nothing!
You call that nothing, you slimy SuperBall?
- You sure this will work?
- No.
Wunderbar. 
Let's hit it!
Okay, enough of the warm-ups.
Time for some serious smashing!
Look out!
- Whoa. 
Good thing I'm the Blob.
- Yeah, you can say that again.
Come on, guys.
This party's over.
- What the heck are these?
- Re-entry cushions. 
Cool, eh?
You're welcome to crash with us a while, Forge. 
Xavier's cool. 
You'd like him.
Thanks, but I better go find my parents.
I'm 20 years late for curfew.
- Thanks for bailing me out.
- Hey, anytime.
- Hop in. 
We'll give you a lift.
- No problem. 
It's just a few blocks.
- Okay. 
But if you need any help, just call.
- Sure, I'll do that.
- See you, dude!
- Good luck!
You're gonna have to duck until we can get you a new holo-watch.
- So it's true! 
You really are ashamed of me!
- Right, dude.
Hey, listen.
About what happened before. 
My bad.
- No. 
It was on me too.
- Maybe...
Maybe you're right. 
I take things too seriously. 
I need to lighten up some.
- Oh, Scott, not you.
- Check his temperature.
Mr. Military's going soft.
Yeah. 
And I could probably dial down the goofing a little.
Welcome back.
Okay. 
So now what do you say we head home, gear up and run a level-three training sim in the Danger Room?
- Give us a break.
- Oh, man!
See? 
That's what I'm talking about.
Always serious.
- Psych!
- You got us!
Very nice.
There's hope for you yet.
Yeah, well, tell me about it on the way to Duncan Matthews' party.
Oh, I can't go, remember?
I'm, like, a freshman.
- Hey. 
You're also one of the X-Men.
- Don't worry. 
We'll make it happen.
Let's roll!

Oh, my first X-rated movie.
I don't know what's going on, but that is the luckiest pizza boy ever.
Yeah, I'll say. 
There's at least nine boobs in this shot alone.
Guys, I feel bad.
I mean, Jackie finally takes me back... and I reward her by sneaking off to see some trashy porno babes.
Oh, wow!
That seems like it would tickle.
Oh, nothing's going to happen in this scene.
It's just two ladies.
Oh, bravo, nice plot twist.
All right, guys, I gotta go.
I don't think Jackie would like me being here.
And you should pick up your dress on the way out.
Oh, wow!
Does everyone do that?
Because I don't do that.
I just stick to two or three key moves and...
God, they don't even come close to that.
Oh, Eric, I have not done anything... but even I, had I done anything, would have already done that.
Jackie, you know I love you... and you know how much I've changed, right?
Yeah?
Oh, what'd you do?
I went to a stag film.
But then it turned out that there weren't any stags at all.
It was just naked people having sex.
Go ahead and punish me.
No, Michael, I'm not gonna punish you.
You were honest with me, and honesty should be rewarded.
Wow. 
I'm not in trouble and I get a reward?
Is it a cash reward?
No, Michael, the reward is feeling better about yourself.
Oh.
Mmm, smells good.
Whatcha making?
Oh, a little lemon meringue and pot roast... and my sister Paula is coming and seven-layer salad.
Ahh. 
Seven-lay...
Hey, wait a second.
Red, now please, be nice.
We haven't seen her in almost six years.
- Yeah, not since she got arrested.
- No, not arrested, detained.
She showed up in the backseat of a police car with lights flashing.
I had to tell the neighbors that she was the mayor of Cincinnati.
Oh, there she is.
You wait. 
She's gonna hit me up for money like she always does.
That's gonna cost me.
- Oh, my God!
- Kitty!
Oh, my God!
Look at you!
I know, I know, I'm fabulous.
- Look, huh, at me.
- Oh, my God.
You're wearing stockings.
Red, she's wearing stockings.
Oh, oh, and matching shoes!
Oh, come on, Red.
I know you're dying for a nibble.
Paula, you're so pink.
Oh, well, sure, sure.
I gotta match my brand-new car.
Go ahead, pet her.
Well, ooh, ooh, I wanna pet her too.
Why did you paint it with Pepto-Bismol?
It's not Pepto-Bismol.
It's Luscious Blushes.
And only the top Kathy May salesperson gets one of these babies.
So you stole it from her?
I have all the money that I owe you.
Here it is.
Oh, my God. 
You have cash.
Red, she has cash.
Honey, Red, Red, Red, really, you don't have to count it.
Oh, well, of course.
You're family.
Oh, honey, honey, honey!
Honesty's cool, man.
It's like I can do anything wrong... and then ask for forgiveness, and then I'm good again.
I mean, someone should invent a religion like that.
Okay, so did anyone besides me think that some of the guys in that movie... were not completely... average?
Like, you know, they were way, way... above average?
Well, you don't go into that line of work when you're below average.
You just pray some hot, redheaded neighbor girl likes you for your personality.
What are you talking about?
Those men were completely average.
In fact, I found the guy with the mustache downright puny.
See now, Fez, that's not honest.
I mean, we all know you're small in the pants.
What I'm saying is, is from here on in, I'm only telling the truth.
In fact, I'm gonna come clean to Jackie about everything.
Fine. 
You want honesty?
I'll give you honesty.
We are all small in the pants.
Kelso, this might be your best idea ever.
You know what?
You should make a list of all the lies you've ever told to Jackie, and I'll help you.
'Cause all's I really want is for you to be happy.
Hey, you guys, honestly... you don't think Donna's, you know, bored, right?
'Cause those guys in the movie, they didn't do the same move twice.
And I've done the same move, like... always.
I'll bet they go to a special school or something.
I mean, they're like doctors at doing it.
Eric, dinner.
Oh, no.
Now I have to act normal.
But I get to eat, yeah!
- Aunt Paula, you look great.
- Oh.
And so pink.
Oh, Eric, you're so cute.
Here's 20 bucks.
Aunt Paula is awesome!
So, Paula, tell me more about the ship captain.
Oh, that was just a fling, you know.
Didn't you have a fiancé the last time we saw you?
Red, now there is no reason to rehash ancient history, is there?
No, it's okay. 
It turned out he lived on some sort of commune... where everyone called him God.
And there were... there were guns.
And I really could never figure out why God would need a gun.
But there were some fun parties. 
Whoo!
That's hilarious!
Life has gotten so much better since I moved to Indianapolis.
I mean, things move so much faster in the big city.
One day you're wondering if you'll ever find happiness... and the next, you're waving the starting flag at the Indy 500.
- You waved the Indy flag?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, God, you're the coolest.
Mom, how funny is it that while Aunt Paula was at Indy... you were probably at, like, Price Mart.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, who wants pie?
It's meringue.
Well, enough about me.
Kitty, dear, what have you been up to?
Well, you know, it's funny you should ask... because we have been super, super busy.
Oh, no, she quit her job. 
She's not up to anything. 
It's kind of boring.
So, did you meet Dick Trickle?
Eric!
What? 
He's a race car driver.
His name is Dick Trickle.
Oh, my God, listen to my voice!
I'm so loud!
Oh, well, will you look at this?
Here's me, captain of the cheerleaders.
"Most likely to succeed." "Best laugh."
Oh, here's Paula.
What's that on her cheek?
Oh, she had a little sledding accident with her face that year.
- Typical.
- I know.
Things were so different then.
Kitty, oh! 
You so deserve this.
You're the best.
Oh, aren't you sweet?
Boy, oh, boy, Chet sure is lucky.
He's got the keenest girl in school.
Oh, stop!
- Congratulations, Kitty.
- Thanks, Paula.
I knew you'd win.
You always do.
- No, not always.
- Well, I want a kiss from the queen.
Well, Chet, you have been an awfully loyal subject.
You guys, I'd like you to meet my date, Marvin.
Marvin? 
Sweetie? 
Sweetie?
Okay.
Okay.
And now, I'm a housewife... and she goes on cruises with Dick Trickle.
You don't know what she's not telling you.
I mean, just because she's more successful than you... doesn't mean that she's happy.
More successful?
Well, it's just that she has so many...
And she's... she's very...
Look, money.
I love it when you do that.
Good to know.
Good to know.
And how about when I do this?
Geez, Eric, what the hell?
Okay, okay, I'll just go back up to the ear.
Get away from me, you pig!
Where are my pants?
Wait. 
Wait, it was an accident.
Look, I have a feather.
He did?
What the heck for?
I don't know.
In like what universe is that sexy?
Only one... the skinny, pervert universe.
It was just so strange.
I mean, usually he just sticks to, like, two or three key moves.
You know, I bet it's because of that nudie flick they saw yesterday.
They went to an X-rated movie?
Didn't Eric tell you?
No.
God, why would Eric go see something like that?
I mean, is our sex life so boring... that he has to sneak around and watch other people do it?
Donna, of course it is.
It's okay.
So, um, what's going on here?
Packing a picnic lunch for your next African safari?
No, I thought I'd make my strudel for the boys.
It feels nice having people to cook for.
Huh.
Well, um...
Sounds like your, uh... jet-set life gets pretty lonely, huh?
- Oh, no, I have lots of friends.
- Oh, right, right.
But, um, all the friends in the world... don't make up for having to come home from the Bahamas to an empty house, do they?
I actually enjoy my privacy.
Hmm, privacy.
Loneliness.
It's a fine line, isn't it?
Okay, Kitty, is something wrong?
Yeah, something is wrong.
Why are you here?
Because I missed you.
And I wanted you to see that I'm finally okay.
Okay or better than me?
Better than you?
Oh, Kitty, you're my sister and...
Fine. 
I'm finally a success, and I wanted to come back and rub your face in it.
And I did, and I liked it!
Well, good for you.
It must have been hard living in my shadow, because I was popular and you weren't.
And I had a life and you didn't.
That's right. 
I said it.
You heard me.
You were a schlub. 
A schlub!
Oh, I am so sorry.
Oh, I'm sorry too.
Oh, I just... 
I don't know what is the matter with me.
- I know.
- I should be just thrilled... that you're finally on your feet, and instead, I'm just...
I'm acting like a jealous little ninny.
Kitty, would you like a makeover?
Oh, I really would.
Okay.
I-I won't look like a whore, will I?
No, no, I promise.
Okay, Jackie.
There are some things I haven't been honest about that I feel like you should know.
Okay.
Why are they here?
Well, Hyde helpfully pointed out that it's not really honesty... unless your friends are allowed to watch.
So, anyway, I made a list.
The list was my idea.
Thank you for that, Hyde.
Okay, so let's just get started.
Um, that picture you saw of me in kindergarten?
Those weren't puffy pants.
It was a big boy diaper.
And that time you came out of the shower, and you thought you saw a flash?
I did take your picture.
This one time you asked me if you had anything in your teeth?
And you did, but I said no, 'cause it's funnier that way.
When we were about to fool around, and I said that I washed my hands?
But really I just got done playing with like six dogs.
- But that's not as bad...
- All right, Michael, stop!
Okay, Michael, I think we need to work on selective honesty.
Yes, that and basic hygiene.
Seriously, good God, man.
Okay, Michael... unless one of your secrets involves kissing a girl, I don't need to know about it.
Okay. 
All right.
Oh, science fact.
Dogs are cleaner than humans.
Oh, you poor pink bastard.
Well, well!
What have we here?
All right. 
I got 20 minutes till my wife comes back... so, uh, pucker up.
Okay, you two lovebirds.
I'm off.
Oh, bye-bye, Red. 
Oh!
Oh, Paula, thank you so much.
Oh, oh, Kitty.
What are sisters for, huh?
I'll talk to you in a couple of days.
And you remember what I said.
Oui, oui, ma soeur.
So what's with all the French?
- Did she call me something?
- No.
She said, "Search for life to live life," which is my new motto.
Paula made me see that I have been in a rut.
But the good news is, from now on, I am just going to explore life.
But you're...
You're all pretty now with your big red lips.
Isn't that enough?
Oh, I love you, Red Forman.
And no.
All right, fine.
But if you paint my car pink, it's over.
Oh, hey, I was just looking at... 
Hey!
Okay, where did you get the idea to... do what you did?
I went to see this movie... and it was a...
Well, I guess you could call it an art film.
- Eric!
- Okay, fine, Donna. 
It was an X-rated film.
And it just...
There were all these people... and they were doing all these things that we've never done.
And it seemed like they really enjoyed doing this one thing especially.
And I just thought, you know, who would enjoy doing that one thing especially?
My lady.
Eric, listen to me... because this is gosh-darn important.
You don't do that, not without asking.
So, if I had asked...
The answer's still no!
Are you bored with our sex life?
Oh, God, no.
Just the opposite.
I figured that you had to be bored.
And it was our hundredth time, and I just wanted to do something special.
Oh, my God, you count?
No.
Oh, my God, that's so sweet.
But do me a favor. 
Next time you're gonna do something weird... gimme a little more warning, so I can brace myself.
Or tell you to back the hell off.
- Right.
- Because no matter how much I love you... that was unpleasant.
I'm sorry, you guys.
I can't hang out. 
I gotta go meet Jackie.
Don't look at me like that.
All right, five more minutes, but that is it.
Come on. 
Who wants to show me their belly, huh?
Come on.
Come here, buddy!
Come here, baby.
Who's my little baby, huh?
Who's my little baby?

GOOD MORNING, CHARLIE.
DID YOU READ MY ANALYSIS OF THE FOCUS GROUP RESEARCH?
MAYBE.
WAS IT IN THE SPORTS SECTION?
SO WE'RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT OUR LITTLE KISS YESTERDAY?
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED IT NEVER HAPPENED.
LET ME SEE THE RESEARCH.
THAT NEVER HAPPENED, EITHER.
SORRY I'M LATE.
AM I INTERRUPTING SOMETHING?
YES.
NO.
LET'S GET STARTED.
LET'S SEE THE WORK.
OKAY, THAT'S MY LEG.
SORRY.
SORRY.
READY FOR OUR LUNCH AT THE U.N.?
WE GOT A PROBLEM.
THIS MORNING, MY LIMO DRIVER HAD TO HAVE
AN EMERGENCY APPENDECTOMY.
OH, THAT'S HORRIBLE.
YEAH, I APPRECIATE THE CONCERN,
BUT ONE DAY WITHOUT A DRIVER WON'T KILL ME.
WHY DON'T YOU GUYS JUST TAKE THE SUBWAY?
YEAH.
AND AFTER THAT, WE'LL EAT FOOD FROM A STREET VENDOR.
ANGIE, HOLD MY CALLS.
I'VE GOT AN IMPORTANT MEETING.
THAT KEEPS HAPPENING.
I KNOW.
IT'S WEIRD.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHY DON'T YOU AND I GO OUT ON A REAL DATE?
A DATE DATE?
YES...
YES.
IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY.
I SAID "YES" TWICE 'CAUSE YOU SAID "DATE" TWICE.
I'M LAUGHING AT THE THOUGHT OF US DATING.
I MEAN, NO OFFENSE,
BUT YOU'RE NOT REALLY THE DATING TYPE.
WHAT TYPE AM I?
THE MAKING-OUT-IN-THE-OFFICE TYPE.
CAN'T SEEM TO SHAKE THAT.
NO, YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG IMPRESSION OF ME.
CAITLIN, CAN YOU COME IN HERE?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WOULD YOU DATE CHARLIE?
YOU MEAN DATE DATE?
WELL, CHARLIE'S A GREAT GUY AND A GOOD FRIEND.
WOULD YOU DATE HIM?
I MEAN, HE'S FUN.
HE'S...
SMART.
HE'S GOT NICE HAIR.
CAITLIN...
FINE.
I WOULDN'T DATE HIM.
WE'RE OUT OF ICE BACK HERE.
ICE CHEST ON THE LEFT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DOING THIS.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DRIVE ONE OF THESE BOYS.
YEAH, THIS IS A SMOOTH RIDE.
A SMOOTH, SLOW RIDE.
* SLOW RIDE
* DOO DOO DOO-DOO CHICKA DOO-DOO *
* TAKE IT EASY
* DOO DOO DOO-DOO CHICKA DOO-DOO *
[ Falsetto ] * I'M IN THE MOOD
* DOO DOO DOO DOO
* THE RHYTHM IS RIGHT
* DOO DOO DOO-DOO CHICKA DOO-DOO -- *
SIR? 
SIR?
WHAT?
WE'RE HERE.
OH.
DAMN.
THERE'S NO PARKING.
WELL, LISTEN, WE'RE RUNNING LATE.
I JUST BETTER DOUBLE-PARK HERE.
YES, BABY, [CLEARS THROAT]
IT'S JUST LIKE A REGULAR CAR...
[ COLLISION ]
[ CAR ALARM SOUNDS ] ...ONLY LONGER.
SO, CHARLIE'S GOT A DATE WITH JULIA.
CHARLIE LIKES A GIRL.
SOMEBODY GOT BITTEN BY THE LOVEBUG.
[ SMOOCHES ]
COME ON!
I'M JUST KIDDING AROUND!
I'M SORRY.
I GUESS I REALLY LIKE JULIA.
SHE'S SO MUCH DIFFERENT FROM THE WOMEN I USUALLY DATE.
SHE'S SMART, SHE --
OWNS A BRA.
I'M JUST NERVOUS.
EVERY TIME I REALLY LIKE SOMEONE,
THINGS GO WRONG.
IT'S LIKE I'M JINXED.
THAT CAN'T BE TRUE.
I WAS CRAZY ABOUT THIS GIRL, LAURA.
WE WERE FINE UNTIL HER BIRTHDAY.
I GOT A CAKE AND PUT A CANDLE FOR EACH YEAR.
YOU PUT ON TOO MANY?
SET HER HAIR ON FIRE.
ONCE AGAIN,
CAFE SUPéRIEUR REFUSES TO GIVE ME A RESERVATION.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE SAYING WHEN THEY REJECT ME?
"YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR US.
SCREW YOU."
I DON'T THINK THEY'RE SAYING THAT.
IT'S ON MY VOICE MAIL.
CARTER, I NEED A FAVOR FROM YOU.
YOU KNOW THAT GUY KURT IN OUR BUILDING?
I GOT CAUGHT PIGGYBACKING ON HIS LAUNDRY AGAIN.
WHAT'S PIGGYBACKING?
IT'S WHEN YOU ADD YOUR CLOTHES
TO SOMEONE ELSE'S LAUNDRY,
AND YOU TAKE IT OUT BEFORE THEY GET BACK.
ANYWAY, HE'S TAKEN MY LAUNDRY HOSTAGE.
I MEAN, YOU TALK ABOUT NO CLASS.
WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?
TALK TO HIM.
AW, PAUL.
THAT GUY GIVES ME THE CREEPS.
HE'S INFATUATED WITH ME.
HE WROTE YOU ONE LOVE LETTER.
IT WAS 78 PAGES.
I GOT A CONNECTION AT CAFE SUPéRIEUR.
YOU DO THIS FOR ME, I'LL GET YOU A RESERVATION.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL DO IT.
BUT YOU BETTER COME THROUGH.
I WILL. 
OF COURSE.
I WILL.
HELLO?
CAFE SUPéRIEUR?
YEAH, THIS IS PAUL LASSITER.
I'M THE PRESS SECRETARY FOR THE MAYOR OF NEW YORK.
I NEED A RESERVATION FOR TONIGHT.
OH, YEAH?
!
WELL, SCREW YOU, TOO!
CHARLIE, I HAVE TO ADMIT --
I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME.
WHOA. 
NOTHING FLAMMABLE NEAR THE LADY.
YOU SEEM A LITTLE NERVOUS.
I JUST WANT TONIGHT TO GO WELL.
THANK YOU.
CHARLIE, YOU HAVE SOME NERVE SHOWING UP HERE.
WE SPEND THE NIGHT,
YOU DON'T CALL, THEN COME HERE WITH A DATE?
WE'RE GOING TO NEED ANOTHER MINUTE.
WELL, THAT WAS AWKWARD.
YES, IT WAS.
BUT LET'S NOT LET IT RUIN OUR DATE.
SO, YOU BEEN WATCHING SHARK WEEK ON DISCOVERY CHANNEL?
SHARKS ARE...
SUCH BEAUTIFUL CREATURES.
MY BROTHER NEARLY LOST HIS LEG IN A SHARK ATTACK.
OF COURSE HE DID.
A TOAST...
TO OUR FIRST DATE.
PRETTY GOOD DRINK, HUH?
WHAT'S IN IT?
TEQUILA, VODKA, LIME JUICE --
LIME JUICE?
LET ME GUESS --
YOUR FATHER DROWNED IN LIME JUICE?
I'M SEVERELY ALLERGIC TO IT.
OF COURSE YOU ARE.
OH.
[ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]
THANKS FOR COMING IN, KURT.
IT WAS NO PROBLEM.
I-I WASN'T BUSY.
UH, NOR AM I BUSY ANY NIGHT THIS WEEK.
OKAY.
UH, SO, WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?
YEAH, NOT SO FAST THERE, CHIEF.
UH, YOU'LL GET YOUR CLOTHES
WHEN CARTER AGREES TO HAVE LUNCH WITH ME.
Come on, Carter!
I want a corner booth.
Done. 
Done. 
Done.
OH. [ LAUGHS ]
EXCELLENT.
UH, SHALL WE?
SO, DID YOU EVER GET MY LETTER?
[ High-pitched ] YES.
MR. MAYOR, I HAVE A REPORT
THAT YESTERDAY YOU DOUBLE-PARKED YOUR LIMOUSINE,
BLOCKING A VAN OF SCHOOLKIDS.
I CAN ASSURE YOU THE MAYOR DID NOT DO THAT.
I ASSURE YOU THERE'S A GOOD EXPLANATION.
NO COMMENT.
I DIDN'T HAVE A DRIVER.
I HAD TO GET ACROSS TOWN.
WHAT CHOICE DID I HAVE?
YOU COULD'VE TAKEN THE SUBWAY.
WELL, IT WAS TOO LATE TO GET TICKETS.
I THINK WE NEED TO SHOW THE PRESS
THAT YOU CAN IDENTIFY WITH THE COMMON MAN.
OH, GOOD IDEA.
HOW ABOUT I SPONSOR A FOX HUNT?
THAT SHOULD BE EASY.
I'LL JUST...
ROUND UP 8 MILLION HORSES.
HEY, JULIA.
I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME LAST NIGHT.
GLAD TO SEE YOUR HEAD'S BACK TO NORMAL SIZE.
I KNOW DINNER WAS A BIT OF A DISASTER --
YOU KNOW, I JUST DON'T THINK THIS IS GOING TO WORK.
GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE.
LET ME TAKE YOU OUT TONIGHT.
MY PARENTS ARE IN TOWN. 
WE HAVE TICKETS TO "THE LION KING."
I KNOW A GUY AT THE THEATER WHO GETS FRONT-ROW SEATS.
COME ON.
WE'RE DINING AT CAFE SUPéRIEUR.
6:00.
I'LL BE THERE.
Yes.
* ANOTHER CHANCE
* ANOTHER CHANCE
* I'M BACK IN
* I'M BACK IN
SHE DIGS ME.
THE NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY SYSTEM IS THE FINEST IN THE WORLD,
AND THAT'S WHY MY STAFF AND I TAKE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION
WHENEVER POSSIBLE.
Woman:
THANK YOU, MR. MAYOR.
WELL, THERE'S YOUR SOUND BITE.
NOW GET ME OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE.
COME ON, SIR.
ONE RIDE AND YOU'LL BE RANDALL WINSTON,
MAN OF THE PEOPLE.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO HOLD ON, SIR.
NO NEED, BONDEK.
I HAVE THE BALANCE OF A CAT.
I LOVE MOMENTS LIKE THESE --
WHEN OUR JOBS ARE DONE, ALL THE FIRES ARE PUT OUT.
MAKES ME FEEL LIKE "THE LION KING."
YOUR EGO IS OUT OF CONTROL.
NO, I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET JULIA AND HER PARENTS FOR DINNER,
THEN WE WERE GOING TO GO TO THE SHOW AFTERWARDS.
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS SUBWAY THING WOULD RUN LATE.
OH, THE GODS MUST HATE ME.
RELAX.
GET OFF AT THE NEXT STOP AND CATCH A CAB.
TRUST ME -- THE GODS DO NOT HATE YOU.
WHOA!
[ THUD ]
[ ALARM SOUNDS ]
WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE GODS?
OKAY, LET'S ALL JUST, UH, KEEP CALM.
IF ANYONE HAS A PROBLEM...
JUST LET ME KNOW.
WHO MADE YOU BOSS?
I'M THE MAYOR.
WELL, I WAS A GREEN BERET.
WHY DON'T WE LET THE PEOPLE DECIDE WHO SHOULD BE IN CHARGE?
WELL, NOTHING COULD MAKE ME HAPPIER.
BECAUSE THIS CAR...
DESERVES A LEADER WITH EXPERIENCE,
HONESTY, INTEGRITY.
Bondek, dig up some dirt on this guy.
WE'RE GOING TO BE HERE ALL NIGHT.
JULIA'S GOING TO HATE ME.
SHE WON'T HATE YOU.
AND EVEN IF YOU DON'T MAKE IT,
THEY'LL STILL BE SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW OF "THE LION KING"
WITH YOUR GREAT TICKETS.
OH, DUDE.
DO YOU GET IT NOW?
IT'S THE JINX.
RELATIONSHIPS AND I DON'T MIX.
DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT THINGS GO WRONG
BECAUSE YOU WANT THEM TO?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHY WOULD YOU TAKE JULIA TO A RESTAURANT
WHERE YOU'D SLEPT WITH A WAITRESS?
AND WHAT ABOUT THIS SUBWAY RIDE?
DID YOU HAVE TO SCHEDULE IT THE SAME NIGHT AS YOUR DATE?
I'M SICK OF TALKING ABOUT THIS.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHY I DO THINGS.
OH, CHARLIE CRAWFORD IS SO COMPLEX.
I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU.
REALLY?
WHAT AM I THINKING RIGHT NOW?
THAT YOU'RE SCARED YOU MIGHT LOSE JULIA.
THAT YOU'RE SCARED YOU MIGHT GET JULIA.
AND THAT THE WOMAN IN THAT LOTTO POSTER HAS HUGE KNOCKERS.
LUCKY GUESS.
OKAY, THAT GUY WAS A WACKO.
HE ORDERED NOTHING BUT MEATBALLS.
SO?
HE STABBED EACH ONE WITH A FORK
AND YELLED, "YAH!"
WE BETTER BE ON FOR CAFE SUPéRIEUR.
I'M NEVER GOING TO GET THAT RESERVATION!
CALL AND SAY YOU'RE EATING WITH SOMEONE FAMOUS.
ONE TIME I GOT INTO A FANCY RESTAURANT
BECAUSE MY GIRLFRIEND LOOKED LIKE JENNIFER LOPEZ.
REALLY?
PEOPLE TELL ME I LOOK LIKE THE THIRD GUY
WHO GOT KILLED BY THAT TIGER IN "GLADIATOR."
BEFORE OR AFTER THE ATTACK?
HEY, LISTEN, I-I NEED A RESERVATION TONIGHT AT 7:00 --
NO, WAIT!
I KNOW -- SCREW ME --
BUT LISTEN -
- WAIT.
YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT THE CELEBRITY THAT I'M DINING WITH.
WHO AM I DINING WITH?
CUBA GOODING JR.
RICHARD HAYDEN WANTS TO BE YOUR SUBWAY CAR LEADER,
BUT AT 7:30 HE WAS FOR EATING THE TWIX BAR,
AND AT 7:45, HE WAS AGAINST IT.
WHICH IS IT, RICHARD?
Nice job, Bondek.
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.
FORGET WHAT I SAID.
YOU WERE RIGHT.
I KNEW IT!
YOU KNOW THAT WOMAN LAURA?
YOU SET HER HAIR ON FIRE.
THAT'S THE ONE.
I LEFT OUT ONE DETAIL -- THE ACCIDENT HAPPENED
THE DAY AFTER LAURA AND I DECIDED TO MOVE IN TOGETHER.
NOW THAT YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR BEHAVIOR,
YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
I CAN TURN THIS RIGHT AROUND.
FIRST THING, I'LL HAVE MY FLOWER GUY SEND HER A NICE BOUQUET.
OH, PERFECT!
AND MAKE SURE IT'S REALLY BIG AND EXPENSIVE.
THAT'S GOOD!
YOU CAN HAVE A BALLOON WITH A MESSAGE.
YES!
YOU IDIOT!
WHAT?
FLOWERS ARE SO LAME!
IF I WERE JULIA, I WOULD WANT A REAL GESTURE --
SOMETHING GENUINE AND HEARTFELT.
CAITLIN, WORDS COME AND GO,
BUT A BALLOON CAN HOVER IN YOUR APARTMENT FOR DAYS.
I'M JUST NOT GOOD WITH THIS HEARTFELT STUFF.
WELL, THAT'S EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULD DO IT.
YOU NEED TO SHOW HER
THAT YOU'RE NOT THE GUY SHE THINKS YOU ARE.
I'M OUTTA HERE.
[ COUGHS ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU CAN'T GO OUT THERE!
WHICH WAY IS DOWNTOWN?
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT US A TABLE HERE.
CARTER, PLEASE.
I DO HAVE MY CONNECTIONS.
BESIDES, PAUL LASSITER IS NO STRANGER
TO FINE GOURMET DINING.
MMM! 
MMM!
THIS CUSTARD IS RICH!
THAT'S BUTTER.
CHOCOLATE soufflé.
OH.
COURTESY OF THE CHEF.
I DIDN'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU EARLIER, BUT...
I AM A HUGE FAN OF YOUR WORK.
WHY, THANK YOU.
THAT'S THE THIRD COMPLIMENT I'VE GOTTEN TONIGHT.
BOY, YOU DO YOUR JOB AS A PUBLIC OFFICIAL,
BUT YOU NEVER EXPECT THIS KIND OF RECOGNITION.
HI.
I HATE TO BOTHER YOU,
BUT THE WAITER TOLD US YOU WERE HERE.
WE'VE BEEN FOLLOWING YOUR CAREER FROM THE BEGINNING.
WELL, I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.
BUT, UH, I OWE ALL MY SUCCESS TO THE PEOPLE I WORK WITH.
HEY, WE LOVED YOU IN "GLADIATOR."
Carter: 
WHAT?
NOTHING.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF TOM CRUISE?
HONEY, DON'T ASK HIM THAT.
OH, THAT'S OKAY.
THAT'S OKAY.
I THINK HE'S DELICIOUS.
SHOW ME THE MONEY!
YOU SHOW ME THE MONEY!
I LOVE THIS PLACE!
AH, AH! 
THIS IS ON ME.
LET ME GIVE YOU A CREDIT CARD.
NO, NO, NO.
DON'T GIVE HIM A CREDIT CARD.
WHY NOT?
B-BECAUSE...
I WANT TO PAY.
IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE TO TREAT YOU TO --
[ Gasping ] OH, GOD.
OH, GOD! 
OH, GOD!
OH!
OH!
AHH! 
AHH!
[ GRUNTS ] GOD!
CAN'T WAIT TO TELL MY WIFE
THAT I WAITED ON CUBA GOODING JR.
PAUL!
Did you -- did you tell these people
I was Cuba Gooding Jr.?
!
MAYBE.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED.
YOU KNOW, I MAY NOT BE AN IMPORTANT PERSON,
BUT I AM PROUD OF WHO I AM,
AND I'M NOT GOING TO PRETEND FOR ANYBODY!
I HATE TO BOTHER YOU AGAIN, BUT...
WE'RE HAVING A PRIVATE BIRTHDAY PARTY
FOR AL PACINO UPSTAIRS, AND...
WELL, HE WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO COME.
SHOW ME THE PARTY!
GOOD NEWS --
IT LOOKS LIKE I'VE MADE HEADWAY WITH THE BLONDE.
OH, WE GOT HER VOTE?
NO.
SINCE CHARLIE LEFT, YOU'RE DOWN TO THREE VOTES.
THAT REPORTER WAS RIGHT.
I HAV LOST TOUCH WITH PEOPLE.
THE PEOPLE LOVE YOU. 
LAST WEEK YOU GOT A STANDING OVATION
AT THAT SENIOR CITIZENS' LUNCHEON.
THOSE SUPPORTERS WERE HANDPICKED.
BESIDES, HALF OF THEM THOUGHT I WAS JAMES BROLIN.
WHEN I FIRST RAN FOR CITY COUNCIL, I WAS --
I WAS SO PASSIONATE.
I COULD MAKE AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH ANYONE.
[ LAUGHS ]
I REMEMBER AN EVENT WHERE ONLY ONE MAN SHOWED UP,
AND HE ONLY CAME TO PICK UP WOMEN.
I KNOW THE TYPE.
AFTER TALKING WITH HIM FOR A WHILE,
I REALIZED THAT BEHIND THE BRAVADO
AND THE JUVENILE SEXUAL HUMOR THERE WAS A LONELY MAN, CRYING FOR HELP.
WH--
W-WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?
WELL...
I LOOKED IN HIS EYES,
AND I SAID, "SON, I SEE GREATNESS IN YOU,
AND I'M ON YOUR SIDE."
WELL, HE BROKE DOWN IN MY ARMS.
I ALMOST BECAME LIKE A FATHER FIGURE TO HIM.
[ Crying ] OH, DADDY...
AND THAT'S WHY I GOT INTO POLITICS IN THE FIRST PLACE --
THE PEOPLE!
WELL...
I HAVE GOT SOME WORK TO DO.
HI!
I'M RANDY WINSTON AND I'D BE HONORED TO BE YOUR SUBWAY CAR LEADER.
CHARLIE!
HOW DID YOU GET HERE?
THE SUBWAY CAR STARTED MOVING 10 MINUTES AFTER YOU LEFT.
YOU LOOK TERRIBLE.
I DON'T LOOK THAT BAD.
HERE.
YOU NEED THIS MORE THAN WE DO.
SWEET -
- CRAB CAKES.
I CAME TO TELL JULIA YOU WERE ON YOUR WAY.
WHAT DID SHE SAY?
THEY WON'T LET ANYONE IN.
APPARENTLY CUBA GOODING JR.
IS HERE.
WISH ME LUCK.
UH, CHARLIE, UM...
PERFECT.
HI.
YOU MUST BE JULIA'S PARENTS.
WELCOME TO THE BIG APPLE.
JULIA, I AM REALLY SORRY.
CHARLIE, I KNOW YOU MEAN WELL, BUT --
I KNOW I'VE BEEN A SCREW-UP, BUT I FIGURED OUT WHY.
I REALLY LIKE YOU, AND IT SCARES ME.
I'M NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT A SEXUAL ATTRACTION,
ALTHOUGH THAT STUFF WE DID IN THE ELEVATOR WAS AMAZING.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT NOW.
OR EVER AGAIN.
JULIA, I JUST RAN 40 BLOCKS UNDERGROUND
BECAUSE I COULDN'T WAIT TO TALK TO YOU.
I'M NOT SURE WHERE THIS IS GOING,
BUT I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING.
I REALIZE I'M GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE SOME CHANGES,
BUT I PROMISE YOU --
EVERY DAY, I WILL TRY TO BE BETTER.
PLEASE LET ME TRY.
SAY YES.
YES.
WHY ARE YOU SO IMPOSSIBLE TO HATE?
I'M LIKE A PUPPY.
A PUPPY WHO NEEDS A BATH.
WHICH I'LL BE TAKING ALONE.
IS THIS GOING TO BE OUR FIRST NON-OFFICE KISS?
I GUESS IT IS.
I CAN'T -- YOU WANT ME TO GET THE OSCAR?
YOU'LL HEAR FROM MY AGENT!
* TAKE IT EASY...
[ KNOCKING ]
[ MUSIC STOPS ]
Charlie: 
SIR...
DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER MUSIC?
WELL, I'LL TAKE A LOOK.
THANK YOU.
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ] * ...
SLOW RIDE
* TAKE IT EASY
- [MAN] SIT, UBU. 
GOOD DOG. - [UBU BARKS]

Another thing you gotta love about men is, they never stop actin' like boys.
Sometimes it sounds like you could switch teams.
Let's not get gross.
(drunkenly) Ladies, can I offer either of you an adult beverage?
No. 
And you might wanna slow down yourself, wigga, cos you faded.
- (Max) So who's over there with Herbal?
- Snuffy. 
He just got out of lockup.
- They were cell mates.
- Herbal did time?
He did a couple of years in Avenol for slinging' the herb. 
Miscarriage of justice.
All respect to my soldiers on the wrong side of the wall.
- A mescal, neat with a worm back.
- Max, Original Cindy, say whassup to my boy, Snuffy Wills.
Um, Snuffy here's needing some employment just now, so you think maybe we can convince Normal to help a brother out?
- You know we will.
- Hey, guys, check it.
I'm gonna get you outta here before you incinerate someone. 
You're done.
It's nice to meet you.
- I don't feel so good.
- You hurl, you're dead.
(motor whirs)
(motor whirs)
- Pick it up!
- Hey, lemme go!
I said pick it up!
- Who the hell are you?
- This is where it starts.
Soon, the streets are a river of garbage, all the windows are broken, graffiti's everywhere, so why shouldn't the girl sell her body to buy drugs?
Pick... it... up... now.
OK.
- I know what you look like.
- (camera clicks)
(camera clicks)
(Sketchy vomits)
- (Sketchy) You are a true friend, Max.
- Just don't get it on my shoes.
Hand over your wallets, no one gets hurt.
I'll handle this.
- Piss off.
- You wanna die tonight, skidmark?
That'd be a negative. 
Here.
See, you shouldn't have done that, cos even though he's a drunken idiot, he happens to be a friend.
Now I gotta kick your ass.
(camera clicks)
(camera clicks)
(camera clicks)
Hey.
You all right?
Yeah.
Thanks.
- What happened to those guys?
- Let's go.
Wanna give me a hand? 
He's kinda heavy.
So we leave Crash a little after midnight cos Max was getting tired.
Like you remember anything about last night after the first nine beers.
Can I please tell my story?
- So I'm walking her home...
- Please.
...and we're jumped by a pack of local hard bodies.
I throw a few punishers, but these dudes are large and numerous.
I go down, eventually.
- How much they rip you off for?
- Nada. 
This guy, I guess you could call him, appears out of nowhere and takes out the entire crew like he was a Shaolin master.
And if you weren't on no chronic break, then I got a white girl's ass.
If you don't believe me, ask Max.
She saw the whole thing.
Fists of Fury. 
It was awesome.
- So who was this dude?
- An urban legend in the making.
Like Original Cindy always says, the night holds a million secrets.
Right. 
I'm 90 per cent certain that zombies walk among us.
And here he comes.
I hate to break up this little cretinfest, but I have a hot run to 17 Clemson.
Rydin' Forties' turf. 
They still got that gang war goin' on, and I'm allergic to yellow tape.
Time was, in this once-great nation, people actually took pride in their work, rose to meet any challenge...
I'll take it! 
Just so we don't have to hear how great the Great Communicator was.
You kids could learn something from that man's example.
- Bite me.
- Bless ya.
(camera clicks)
(man) Don't be nervous.
- Small world.
- Not really.
I figured you'd be the only messenger who wouldn't be afraid to come here.
I need a signature.
It's for you.
Open it.
- And this is supposed to mean what?
- I can see your future.
Then you've watched me walk away, cos you're a wackjob.
Fact is, I'm offering you an opportunity.
- Pass.
- I saw what you did last night.
Suffice it to say, you have abilities that couldn't be described as... normal.
Whatever angle you're playing here, bring it on, and let's get it over with.
(man) You tell your set what I said, then maybe we can talk about trucein'.
So what is it you want...
Ready?
Come on, man. 
Come on, let's go.
Dead guy under there.
We know. 
He's the foul line.
Snuffy always had my back in that terrible place.
Made sure no harm came to I and I.
- He was my brother.
- How you doin'?
I'm tryin' to get my head around what only the Most High understand, you know?
My boy is walking with the King now.
You know he is.
Heard about your friend.
I'm sorry for your loss.
- Did I say something wrong?
- No, man.
I thank you from my heart.
Yeah, all right.
If you ever wanna talk, or need anything...
Just time to think about things.
Take care.
(Max) I was talking to Herbal's friend last night like I'm talking to you now, and he's dead, gone, ceased to exist.
"Gerald 'Snuffy' Wills.
Released from custody three days ago, after serving six years for carrying a forged sector pass."
"Preliminary crime report has cause of death as multiple gunshot wounds to the chest."
"No witnesses."
Seemed like a sweet guy.
After you called, I dumped six more unsolved homicides.
All recent parolees, killed in the last three weeks. 
Same MO.
- Let me guess, the cops couldn't care less.
- Or they're in on it, or lookin' the other way.
Either way, the law-and-order types come out on top.
Pretty much. 
I wouldn't mind getting my hands on a list of upcoming parolees.
- If past is prologue, they could be targets.
- Could you hack into Corrections?
I've been trying. 
My computer keeps booting me off. 
Damn blackouts.
What else is new? 
Guess I'll have to get those files for you the old-fashioned way.
Thanks.
How about dinner afterwards?
Another time.
You OK? 
You seem... preoccupied lately.
Got a lot on my mind.
(Lydecker) She's not the girl next door.
They were designed to kill.
All it takes is a trigger.
You have no idea what she's capable of doing.
(motor whirs)
(door bangs)
(case clatters)
Great! 
Had to get the smart one.
(yells)
Corrections is releasing 22 prisoners next week, nine of them paroled to Seattle.
Maybe Eyes Only should tip them to what's going on.
I need to know who's behind it first.
It's hard to believe six people can get mowed down without anyone seeing it.
Especially with Hoverdrones zooming around everywhere.
You think they would have caught something on tape.
Maybe I should talk to my Uncle Jonas.
His company makes the damn things.
If the sector cops are sitting on any surveillance footage, maybe he can help me suss it out.
I thought he was one of those right-wing support-your-police, neo-Republican idiots.
He is. 
But he cares deeply about... money.
If there's a hint of scandal involving one of his products that could hurt his sales, believe me, he'll want to help.
As I recall, he kinda liked me.
You want me to tag along?
Uh, not necessary. 
Run into any trouble out there tonight?
Just some weird guy who keeps following me around.
- Anything to worry about?
- No. 
If he gets outta line, I'll just kill him.
Night.
- Hey, sugar.
- Hey.
- There's soup if you're hungry.
- Uh-uh.
- Want some tea?
- Nah.
(Max sighs)
Break it down for Original Cindy, cos you ain't right.
- There's this freak.
- You wanna be a little more specific?
He's been followin' me around, takin' pictures.
You need me to put the smackdown on his ass, you know I will.
- It's not those kinda pictures.
- Uh-oh. 
No joke.
- What's his dealio?
- Not sure.
Takedown, blackmail, finder's fee.
Worst part is, he's revved up somehow.
I watched him jump a 10ft fence.
Damn! 
What does Logan think?
He's not in the loop on this.
I've been gettin' a weird vibe off him lately, like when he looks at me, he sees something' he doesn't like.
Or can't have.
More like he's clued into the real that I'm seriously not like other females.
- Like that's a bad thing.
- I'm beginning to think maybe he thinks it is.
Ho's up, Gs down, you ask me.
How you gonna handle this dude?
Looks like he's got my number.
Think it's about time I get his.
Late.
Pretty serious allegations, Junior.
But don't you think if this was going on, the people in charge would be doing something?
Not if they're in on it.
Got anything to back up this rogue-police-death-squad theory of yours?
Not yet.
That's why I came to see you, help me get access to Hoverdrone surveillance footage.
Here's a list of dates, times and locations.
A muckraking piece like this with your by-line would be quite a feather in your cap.
- Wouldn't it?
- You've got a lot at stake here, too, Uncle.
If the Hoverdrones you manufacture are being used as part of a police cover-up, that can't be good for business.
Let me call Lucas Gant in the morning.
He's a friend with influence and connections.
- If anyone can shake it loose, it'll be him.
- I appreciate anything you can do.
On another matter...
I was going to mail this to you, but you can save me the postage.
It's your share of the fourth-quarter earnings from the Cale Trust.
Great. 
Thanks.
On a clear day I bet you can really see the class struggle from that penthouse of yours.
(creak)
Logan, it's me. 
There's a guy on that list from Corrections.
His name's Pedro Benedek.
I need an address on him.
Hold on. 
I'm checking. 
What's up?
I gotta get over there.
He's next in line to get greased.
That wackjob who's been stalking me? 
He's the killer.
Thought he wasn't anything to worry about?
Turns out he was tryin' to recruit me in his one-man militia.
Come on.
So much for your sector-police theory.
Here it is. 3117 East Calhoun.
(engine roars)
- Open up.
- Hey!
Didn't expect to see you here.
You're just in time.
- Argh!
- It's over. 
You're done killing people!
Me? 
I'm not killing anybody.
That thing did.
(camera clicks)
No!
- You all right?
- Yeah. 
But what the hell was that?
- A Hoverdrone.
- Mounted with twin.45-calibre automatics.
- And silencers.
- (mimics gunfire)
- What do you call yourself?
- Max.
Can I ask, how did you know this guy Benedek was gonna be the next target?
- It was in the newspaper.
- In the newspaper?
I'm a voracious reader, see? 
I noticed how all these ex-cons kept getting shot.
- Right.
- And Benedek was a sex offender.
- So?
- So when Benedek got let out, they published his name and address to alert the neighbours.
I thought he could be a possible target and went to warn him. 
It turns out I was right.
Max. 
Is that short for Maximum?
- Maximum?
- As in, Maximum Force?
Maximum Girl?
Woman. 
I meant Maximum Woman.
- It's not short for anything.
- (sniffs)
I gotta go wash my hands. 
I'm afraid our friend Pedro peed his pants.
Sure.
So this guy's not a vigilante killer, he's just a nut who's following the same leads as us?
And who can jump a ten-foot fence and run really fast.
Argh!
Damn. 
Got a screw loose.
No argument there.
Ah!
There. 
I hate when that happens.
It's so embarrassing.
OK.
So, what's the chair do?
(mimics gunfire)
Or are your powers mostly mental?
- Mostly mental, yeah.
- You're the brains, she's the brawn.
What happened? 
You get bit by a spider? 
Struck by lightning?
- Not that I remember.
- So what, you're a mutant?
Guess you could say that.
So what about you?
What sort of powers do you have?
Ordinarily, that's not something I discuss.
But, since we're all in this together...
- Wow.
- I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking at.
It's an exoskeleton.
This pad picks up the nerve impulses, relays them to the servo motors.
It enhances speed and strength, the ability to jump, the ability to lift and carry, by as much as 30 per cent.
Really?
- Department of Defense.
- You stole that?
You think I just happened to land a job at the warehouse where they were mothballed?
I happened to lose control of my fork-lift, which happened to knock over the crate?
No. 
That, my friends, is destiny.
About the Hoverdrone you saw.
The thing I don't get is, why would the sector police deploy sophisticated hardware to hunt ex-cons, when a good old-fashioned death squad would do the job?
- Maybe the cops aren't the ones behind this.
- Not to be an alarmist here, but can we be certain that these drones aren't being deployed from some other dimension?
I don't think we're dealing with anything quite so esoteric. 
I'll talk to my uncle.
If the drone is a modified version of one of the company's designs, a list of customers would help narrow the field.
In the meantime, we need proof that this thing is actually out there.
Would photographs be helpful?
I got the attack on Benedek right here.
You... go with him, and get back here with the pictures ASAP.
So, uh, how old were you when you discovered you had powers?
- I had it beaten into my head at a young age.
- I was a late bloomer.
My life probably would have gone in a whole other direction... if it hadn't been for her.
That's my sister, Francesca.
- I took that with my very first camera.
- Are you two close?
Yes and no.
- She's deceased.
- Sorry.
That's why I do this, to try and make up for what I didn't do back then.
I lost a sister, too.
My life was never the same.
- What was her name?
- Eva. 
She was nine.
Then you understand.
Just wish Francesca didn't have to be the one to show me my destiny.
She wasn't quite right, see? 
She couldn't talk too good and had trouble walking.
So when the men broke in to steal our television, she got scared and wouldn't stop crying.
I told them they could take whatever they wanted.
The more the men kept yelling at my sister to shut up, the more scared she got.
Then one of 'em hit her.
And she didn't make any more noise after that.
Logan! 
You're up early.
I thought you bohemian types only ventured out when the sun had set.
I need your help.
Oh, yes. 
Your little article.
I'm afraid I haven't come up with much.
- Bloody Mary?
- No, thanks.
The fact is, I've uncovered some disturbing information since we last spoke.
Oh?
Those ex-cons, they were killed by a Hoverdrone.
Junior, you watched too many X-Files when you were a boy.
You do build custom models for outside buyers.
Well, yes.
But with gun turrets? 
I think that would have thrown up a few flags down in Purchasing.
Whoever bought it could have had the guns put on later through another contractor.
Our entire company is built on the idea that Hoverdrones protect people.
You publish some half-assed yarn, it's gonna drive away business.
Take a chunk out of your bottom line, too, let's not forget.
I'm not gonna print anything I can't prove.
If I could get you photographs?
We'll get to the bottom of whatever it is that's going on.
Thanks, Jonas.
I'll be in touch.
Oh! 
They didn't come out.
Must have broken when you threw me against that wall.
Sorry.
How old were you when your sister died?
Thirteen.
A year and two days older than her.
You were just a kid. 
You can't blame yourself.
That's what my mom kept telling me.
But I didn't feel like a kid.
I felt like someone who didn't do the right thing when they should have. 
You know?
Yeah. 
Do you still keep in touch with your mom?
Nope.
Ran away when I was 15. 
Drifted around.
Then destiny intervened and...
Well, you know the rest.
It must be pretty rough for her.
She lost her daughter and her son, too.
- Can't argue with destiny.
- I think we make our own destiny.
Too bad about the pictures.
We can always get some more.
- How?
- Wait for it to return to base for refuelling.
- You know where it refuels?
- Mm-hm.
Yeah, down by the waterfront.
I followed it there the other night.
- Why didn't you say something?
- You didn't ask.
Logan, I have something on this Hoverdrone thing.
- Great. 
I'm on my way.
- Not here. 
Can't risk being seen with you.
- Bad for business.
- Glad you understand.
Meet me at 354 Jorgen Avenue in an hour.
I'll see you there.
I know my nephew, Gil. 
He won't stop till he finds what he's looking for.
That's why we're sending him on a wild-goose chase.
Keep him occupied with cloak-and-dagger until the field tests are completed.
How the hell he even got wind of a half-dozen ex-cons...
Target practice is almost over. 
The facial recognition technology is working perfectly.
We're going to be able to market a stealth technology that can track down and eliminate anyone, anywhere, from a photograph.
A month from now, we can just sit back and let the bids roll in.
Listen, Margo and I want to have you and Joy over for dinner next week.
Sounds great.
We were thinking, Tuesday night we could...
No.
- Are you sure this is it?
- Seventh and Third.
Or was it Third and Seventh?
No, no, this is definitely it. 
I'm positive.
On three: 
One.
Two.
Get ready for "three".
- Ready?
- Yeah.
And three!
(whips crack)
Good Lord.
Ugh!
- You sure?
- Absolutely.
- That's what you said before.
- I said I was positive.
Ready? 
On three: 
One. 
Two.
Get ready for "three".
Hey! 
Who the hell are you?
You better bring that sucker back here, now!
- I can't. 
The target's acquired.
- Do it.
Look, this isn't a test.
It's a search and destroy.
If anyone tries to stop it, they'll be a target, too.
Logan.
- He's heading east on Jorgen.
- C'mon.
- Max, what the hell are you doing here?
- Logan! 
Get down!
(gunfire)
Argh!
Take cover!
Would you die already?
Say good night, HAL.
- Boys!
- (Logan) We're over here.
(servo motor whirs)
It appears we've had a small mechanical failure.
I believe a bullet, or fragment thereof, lodged itself in my mid-anterior servo motor.
Better than lodging into your mid-anterior actual leg.
We're gonna have a hell of a time hitchin' a ride back to the city.
Heard about your Uncle Jonas.
Multiple gunshot wounds to the chest, no leads, no witnesses. 
Sound familiar?
- Same guys put a hit on you.
- My uncle's partners.
Go figure.
He swore he didn't know what was going on.
Lied right to my face, didn't even blink.
And he paid the price.
But his cronies skate off this, unless Eyes Only tells the whole story.
You know what'll happen if you do that.
Government steps in, everybody acts all shocked, and they seize the assets of Cale Industries in a show of civic outrage.
Confiscate the company, the trust.
And your net worth along with it.
I own my apartment.
Got some art I can sell. 
I'll be all right.
Cale Industries'll be out of the murder business.
So your idea of going to war is taking a vow of poverty. 
That'll show 'em, Logan.
This lifestyle of mine, Max... is paid for with money made helping keep people under police surveillance.
It took a lot of people dying for me to finally face the fact that... 
I've been living a lie.
What about all the good things you've accomplished with Eyes Only?
How you gonna keep that afloat when you're broke?
Somehow.
You know, only a bored, rich, liberal white guy would piss away a fortune to prove he wasn't a bored, rich, liberal white guy.
Nobody would think any less of you if you decided to let this one slide.
I would invite you not to be a dope.
So, you really think this is a prudent thing to do?
Turning my back on destiny like this, and going to see my mom?
Let me put it to you this way.
Do you think we just happened to hook up?
Happened to go after that Hoverdrone, that happened to shoot up your mid-anterior servo motor and bust up that exo-thingy?
No. 
That, my friend, is destiny.
- (ticket offiicer) There you go.
- I think you're right.
Yeah. 
Besides, I'm not getting out of the business altogether.
There are reports of an interdimensional portal forming under Sheboygan that could easily turn into an astral dumpsite. 
I might be sending for you.
You have a nice long visit with your mom first.
You're giving her a big part of her life back.
(Logan) Do not attempt to adjust your set.
- Hey! 
Eyes Only.
- Cale Corporation is guilty of murder.
Always wanted to meet him.
That guy is a real hero.
Yeah, he is.
And a real dope.
Hey. 
Never got your name.
- Phil.
- Phil...?
Just... plain "Phil".
Well... you and Logan take care of each other for me. 
OK?
Yeah.
City's not gonna be the same without you.
I'm leaving it in good hands.
(can rattles)
Hey! 
Pick that up!
- Yeah, right!
- You heard the man. 
Pick it up.
(bus engine starts)
- So you did it, huh?
- Mm-hm. 
Sure did.
By the time the banks open, this cheque won't be worth the paper it's printed on.
Maybe you should go cash it, then.
Five after three. 
Damn!
My Uncle Jonas gave me this bottle when I graduated from college.
He told me to save it for a special occasion.
- Like financial ruin?
- Why not?
To my dear Uncle Jonas, who, underneath his winning smile, was a cold-blooded killer.
The one thing I learned in my years at Manticore is never underestimate what people are capable of doing to each other.
My uncle, for all his privilege, went right for the heart of darkness.
You've lived your life trying to get as far away from that as possible.
Guess that counts for something.
Gotta blaze.
Gotta meet the gang for Snuffy's memorial.
Thing is, it's always there, the darkness, right on my tail.
I know. 
But you've got moves.
State of the art, ideal for special ops.
The recent series of field tests have proven its viability and...
And your sudden legal troubles are translating into a fire-sale price.
The specs, testing data and four years of research and development - all yours for $10 million.
I'm on the next flight to Belize.
- One step ahead of the feds.
- Do we have a deal?
The money is being wired to your offshore account as we speak.
How dare you take that money when
- I specifically told you not to-- 
- There was no choice, the kids--
I don't want to hear it!
Better not be a single penny missing.
After all I've done for you...
Mr. Collins? 
Several reporters are here to see you, sir.
Reporters.
Don't know what this is about.
Mr. Collins! 
Is it true that you provided the ransom money to free the kidnapped children?
Mmm, I...
Yes, the money was mine. 
Ah...
But really all that matters now is that the children are safe and sound.
And that's not all. 
Even though my father got his money back, he's decided to donate all ten million of it to the Children's Home.
Isn't that right, Dad?
Anything for the little tykes.
Keep your business and all your plans.
I'll make my own future now.
You guys, popcorn!
I was wondering if, uh, maybe you might have room for one more.
What do you say, guys?
Say yes! 
Say yes!
Welcome home.
Captioned by Grantman Brown

[ laughs ] [ screaming ]
Daddy, are you okay?
Daddy? 
Daddy?
- Daddy, I-I-- 
- Everything's fine, my sweetness.
[ laughs ] Now let's get to work.
Great idea, Boss.
I am dying for some action.
Look, I want to catch Ransik as badly as you, but we're going to need help.
Hey, over here!
This is Captain Logan.
Do you read me?
- We read you, Captain.
- Where have you landed?
We followed Ransik to the year 2001.
Sir, he's got a whole prison full of monsters.
- We need backup.
- That's impossible.
With the Time Ship destroyed, we can't send any human help.
Our weapons are at your disposal, but the rest is up to you.
You're our only hope.
Yes, sir. 
We won't let you down.
- Philips, I hate these things.
- You can't attend an executive meeting without a necktie.
Yeah, well, maybe I shouldn't even...
Philips, stop. 
Stop, stop!
I got to go. 
Sorry, Philips.
- Tell them something came up.
- But, sir, I-I--
Come back here, sir. 
Come back.
All right, you bolt brains.
Let's blow this joint.
You're going to make me kick your butt again, aren't you?
You kicked my butt?
Let me jog your memory.
Let's rock.
All right. 
The more, the merrier.
I'm glad you feel that way.
Well, looky who decided to crash our party.
Destroy him!
Okay, no more.
Get him!
Game over.
- Oh, my nail!
- Come on, let's go!
- I just painted it, too.
- Move it!
They're going to pay for this.
- Come on, Nadira.
- I broke my nail.
It's no big deal.
Hey, you've got nine more, right?
Oh!
Don't talk to me in that tone of voice.
But, Na-- ooh.
Hey, ease up. 
What did you do that for, anyway?
I had Nadira right where I wanted her.
- I told you to stay out of our way.
- But you need my help.
I told you this is none of your business.
What's your problem?
I'm fighting on your side.
You're not fighting at all.
You're playing.
This isn't a game for us.
You've never had to fight for anything in your life.
Of course I have.
What? 
Name one thing you've sacrificed everything for, something that helped everyone but you, something you couldn't buy.
That's what I thought. 
Let's go.
Trip, come on.
Aah!
Those Rangers are going to spoil our whole plan, Daddy.
Ohh.
Ah, don't fret, my dear.
[ laughs ]
We're going to destroy the Rangers without even getting our hands dirty.
Ah, the mutant criminals. 
Perfect.
[ laughs ]
Gentlemen, this is the young man who's going to be taking my place at bio synth someday-  my son Wesley Collins.
- Pleasure.
- It's nice to meet you.
- Why don't we just go inside and hammer out the rest of the details?
- Please, go ahead.
- Oh, Dad.
- Yeah?
- I'll be right in, okay?
Don't be long.
This is important.
Name one thing you've sacrificed everything for, something that's helped everybody but you, something you couldn't buy.
Psst. 
Wes.
Come on.
- What are you doing here?
- I need to talk to you, to explain.
No, no. 
Jen made it pretty clear.
She thinks I'm nothing but a spoiled brat.
I don't know. 
Maybe she's right.
She isn't right.
I have ways of knowing.
I'm from the Planet Xybria.
Our gems give us special visions.
Here, I want you to see something.
- Hey, that's me.
- No, that's-- that's Alex.
He and Jen, they were going to get married.
Will you marry me?
That was before Alex tried to stop Ransik from escaping to the past.
Ransik struck him down without mercy.
And Alex was gone.
So that's why Jen...
- It's all beginning to make sense.
- Wesley!
Wesley!
Jen.
- What do you want?
- You were right.
I've never had to fight for anything in my life,
But now I have something to fight for.
I know about Alex.
Unless we stop Ransik neither of us will have a future.
Please, let me help you.
Time to reverse the chrono freeze.
The Jatara is ready for re-animation.
Begin.
The re-animator works perfectly!
Now, go! 
Go and destroy!
Now let's just see how tough the cops are in 2001.
- Rangers, we got trouble.
- Circuit's picking up signs of mutant DNA at the harbor.
One more chance.
- Ready?
- ALL: 
Time for Time Force!
- Hyah! 
Ready.
- Let's do it!
Yeah. 
Wait.
Time to use the time jet.
Let's hope this works.
Its supersonic speed will get you anywhere fast.
Come on, let me help you, Rookie.
Whoa!
He wasn't kidding about the supersonic part.
This is intense.
So, Wes, do you think you can handle it?
Piece of cake. 
Whoo!
Let's go!
Time Force. 
You're under arrest.
Your days of destruction are over, Jatara.
- We're bringing you back to prison.
- Not without a fight, Rangers.
Suit yourself.
Chrono-Saber!
Time strike!
- Circuit, what's happening?
- His mutant has been exposed.
This causes him to grow to a tremendous size
- with more strength than ever.
- Oh, great, now you tell us.
So what do we do now?
That's easy.
Just sit back and prepare to be destroyed.
[ screaming ]
It looks like he's attacking the city.
That does it. 
We need help.
Captain Logan, can you hear me?
We're sending the Time Force Megazord.
Time Fliers online.
Wow! 
They're incredible!
You use your chrono morpher to dispatch the Time Jet.
Right. 
Time Jet online.
Let's go.
Time Force Megazord mode blue.
Whoa. 
What do we do now?
I'm downloadng the data. 
Got it.
Guys, we have to all control it together.
Gotcha.
I don't believe it.
It's not possible.
You got nothing on us, Jatara.
Aah!
Concentrate.
Aah!
- Rangers, go to red mode.
- You got it, Circuit.
All right, guys, let's break it down.
Time Force Megazord mode red.
Delpoy Saber!
Shields up!
- Yeah!
- Wes, try using the saber.
I'm on it.
Time Force Megazord Saber.
Engage.
Aah!
Yeah, we did it!
Back where you belong.
Power down.
- ALL: 
Power down.
- There's one down.
- Glad you captured this guy.
- You mean we captured him.
We couldn't have done it without you.
No. 
Keep it.
- Really?
- Yeah. 
You earned it.
Besides... we need you.
Looks like we've got a Red Ranger.
Oh! 
Katie, Kaite, Kaite, Kaite!
Maybe we have a chance after all.
Captioned by Grantman Brown

This is the best scanning equipment you have?
We'll never find Frax and his robot with this...
- and your computer is worthless.
- Hey, that's not very nice to say.
He's the only means we have to communicate with the future.
Alex, this is all we've got.
Most of the equipment was damaged when the Time Ship crashed.
Well, it's just not good enough.
This guy's not making any friends.
[ loud pounding ]
Ah, my Energy Siphon's nearly complete when it is the Rangers won't stand a chance after it drains all the energy from their Zords and everything else.
[ monitor beeping ]
ALEX: 
Tomorrow your father will die.
[ chirping ]
Where are you guys going?
We're, um... we're going away for awhile.
- How long?
- Maybe a long time.
Come here.
- How about you take care of them?
- Sure.
I'll miss you.
- Dragontron's back!
- Let's move out.
All right, let's do it.
Megazords online.
Time Shadow will district Dragontron
- so we can get a clear shot.
- Whatever you say, Alex.
- Hello, Wesley.
- Oh, hi, Dr. Zaskin.
- He's not going very well, is he?
- No.
I was surprised to see that you took over your father's company.
Yeah, well, that's what he would have wanted me to do.
I don't think so, your dad was glad that you chose your own life.
Glad? 
That'll be the day.
You're wrong.
That's how he got hurt.
Why do you think he tried to stop Ransik from taking the serum?
He was protecting you.
- What?
- I was there.
Ransik burst into the room...
get out of my knocked me unconscious and then your father tried to stop him from taking the serum out of the Bio-Lab.
- ...down the drain myself.
- But you threw him out of your life.
That's right, I tried to plan my son's life but he took charge of his own destiny and I'll always be proud of him for doing it.
He was brave. 
He stood up for you.
Don't you see?
Your father's proud of you.
Proud? 
Of me?
My Energy Siphon's working!
What's happening?
Ah, excellent.
Now it's time to finish the job.
I can't believe it.
We've lost most of our Megazord power.
[ cackling ]
We've got to destroy that Energy Siphon, immedaitely!
Alex, I think it might be better if we first...
I do the thinking got it?
Now let's go.
- Maybe he should think about this.
- Katie, now is not the time.
- Come on, get going.
- [ yells ]
[ battle cries ] [ grunts and yells ]
[ faint hooting and hollering ] [ laughing ]
- I'm going for a walk.
- You're what?
Pull over.
Wesley! 
Wesley!
[ grunts and groans ]
- Give it up, Frax.
- But-but I... 
I...
- Let's take him in, Alex.
- Not till I say so.
- What are you waiting for?
- Quiet!
We're going to destroy the Energy Siphon first.
I don't think so. 
Fire!
[ grunts and groans ]
Rangers, are you all right?
- Stupid bird.
- [ screams ]
Hello? 
Anybody here?
Hello?
- Wes, is that you?
- Circuit!
[ groans ]
- Circuit, what happened?
- [weakly] He's just too powerful.
- Who, Circuit, who?
- Dragontron and Frax.
- The Rangers have been...
- Circuit!
Circuit!
ALEX: 
But you can't change your destiny.
MAN: 
Someone needs to make decisions at Bio-Lab until your father gets better.
He'd want it to be you.
MAN 2: 
Wesley Collins has agreed to take his father's place.
- ALEX: 
You can't change your destiny.
- [ gasps ]
COLLINS: 
I tried to plan my son's life but he took change of his own destiny and I'll always be proud of him for doing it.
I choose my own destiny...
And, right now, I choose to help my friends.
[ yells and groans ] [ laughing ]
Come on! 
Get up and fight!
Don't you care the future is depending on you?
- I've had enough.
- Lucas!
What are you doing?
You're the one who doesn't care about the future?
If you did, you wouldn't have taken Wes's morpher.
- The team is strongest this way.
- No, we're strongest with Wes!
If you were a real leader, you'd see that!
Well... well, well, well...
what have be here discord amongst the ranks?
Well, none of you will have to worry about the future, anyway.
- Because it will be firmly in my grip.
- [ groans ]
Say goodbye, Rangers.
[ laughs evilly ]
[ yells ]
Wes!
Everyone chooses their own destiny and I choose to help my friends.
What? 
Oh, no, you don't.
Wes! 
[ grunts ]
[ battle cries ]
Alex, please.
Wes... catch!
It doesn't matter who the Red Ranger is.
Dragontron will still destroy you!
- Let's do it!
- ALL: 
Time for Time Force!
All right, let's go.
- Time Shadow!
- All right, Wes, you say when.
You got it!
- [ beeping ] - [ gasping ] [ choking continues ]
[ flatline beeps ]
Doctor, it's Mr. Collins!
[ flatline droning ]
[ beeping ]
- You feel all right, Mr. Collins?
- [ chuckles ]
I feel marvelous. 
I feel great.
- Pull over right here.
- [ tires screech ]
Megazord, red mode!
Looks like I got here just in time.
Quantasaurus Rex, online.
Q-Rex, perfect. 
Eric, hold on!
Wes, what do you think you're doing to the Q-Rex?
- Trust me, I've got crazy idea.
- Well, what is it?
Whatever it is.
We're with you, Wes.
Thanks, guys. [ grunts ]
- What is this maneuver?
- I've never been it before
- but I'm behind Wes all the way.
- Me too.
- It's unanimous.
- [ battle cries ]
Fire lasers!
[ cheering ] [ cheering ]
Whoo-hoo! 
Wow!
All right, Wes got it right in the energy core.
- Yeah, Wes, that was...
- Wes?
Where'd he go?
Get in. 
I'll give you a ride.
Okay.
[ crying ]
Wesley.
- Wes...
- Dad...
- You're alive!
- Thanks to you.
Me?
I remember laying here trying to catch my breath and I couldn't.
I felt myself going away and I saw you...
- ...and I knew I'd made it.
- You saw me?
- Yeah.
- But, Dad, I...
- What?
- Nothing.
I heard you took my place at the company while I was away.
Yeah, I did, but...
Listen, I can't tell you how much that meant to me.
But, son, I don't want you to be businessman for sake.
For once, listen to your father.
Your place is with the Rangers.
ALEX: 
I'm sorry I was a little hard on you.
You're excellent Rangers. 
Trip.
- I don't know what to say.
- Don't say anything.
I know you were just trying to do what was right.
Alex! 
Alex, wait!
It was you, wasn't it?
You saved my father.
- Now isn't that playing with destiny.
- We all make our own destiny.
You taught me that.
[ engines roar ]
JEN: 
Goodbye, Alex.
Captioned by Grantman Brown

Trip, check on the mutants that we've captured.
Make sure they're cryogenic containment is functioning properly!
All present and accounted for!
Whoa! 
That's gonna leave a mark!
Why're you guys up so early?
It's not early, Wes.
- Where's Jen?
- Training. 
As usual!
Alex.
Will you marry me?
Hey! 
Good morning!
So, you want someone to workout with?
Because I bet I'm tougher than that tree!
C'mon! 
I bet I can show you a thing or two!
- Really?
- Yeah!
Someday, if you'll get up early enough... maybe you can keep up with me!
Begin Reanimation!
Outta my way, Bolt Brain!
So, Ransik, I see you're back in charge! 
Excellent!
Yes.
Now I have a job, for you.
No problem! 
What's it pay?
Yeah, that looks just about right.
Hey!
Half now. 
The other half when you destroy the Power Rangers!
- The Power Rangers?
- Certainly a bounty hunter of your reputation will not have a problem with them!
Of course not! 
I'll pulverize them!
- My robots!
- Yeah!
I finally found a good use for 'em:
target practice! 
Huhehehe!
You best not fail or you'll be target practice!
Well, I'd love to hang around, but I've got work to do!
Such a waste. 
But mark my words, there will soon come a day when robots will not be treated unjustly!
- Oh, Fatty!
- Yeah?
A mutant with cash is my kind of mutant!
Come on.
Whoa! 
Lead the way!
I can't tell you how much I enjoy spending time with you!
Hehaha! 
Shall we shop some more?
Great idea!
But I'm kinda outta cash.
No more... money?
But! 
You've been spending it like there's no tomorrow!
Get lost, loser!
Nadira, Wait! 
There's plenty more where that came from!
I'll get the rest when I destroy the Rangers! 
Don't go!
Please... come... back!
Now I'm mad!
This is gonna be easy!
- You're under arrest!
- Huh? 
Power Rangers!
Don't move! 
I've got you covered!
Okay, okay!
You caught me, fair and square!
I'm not gonna cause any trouble.
Sorry!
So, Pink Ranger. 
We meet again!
I remember you! 
You tried to destroy Alex and me!
Freeze!
On your feet!
Didn't you learn your lesson last time, Fatcatfish?
Yeah! 
I learned that you and your boyfriend got lucky then!
Hehahaha! 
You won't be so lucky this time around!
What is this?
Your boyfriend's not here?
Yeah, I remember now!
Ransik destroyed him!
How did that feel, Pinky?
You're going down!
Hahahaha! 
This is too easy!
No!
Alex!
No!
You and me... forever!
No!
I won't let his death be in vain!
Pink Ranger, Time Force!
Whoa! 
What's gotten into Jen?
Jen, stop! 
What're you doing?
Let... go of me!
He deserves this.
- Jen, stop this!
- Let go!
Your blaster's set on 'Destroy'!
I know!
C'mon! 
Give us the blaster!
Jen, you can't do this!
Dahh, I think I hear my mother calling! 
Whoa!
Hey! 
He's getting away!
What? 
Oh no!
What did you think you were doing?
You almost destroyed him!
- That's what I wanted.
- What?
I'll find him again, and then I'll finish him!
That girl's whacked!
Fatcatfish! 
Is the fearless bounty hunter really running
- scared from a little girl?
- Well, ya see...
I wonder what Ransik would do if I told him what a coward you are.
Actually... 
It would be quite enjoyable to watch him tear you, limb from limb!
Hehehehe!
Come on now, Fraxie! 
Ah, you wouldn't want to go and do that!
Eh ah, we got to stick together!
Mutants and Robots!
Best of friends!
Don't worry! 
I wouldn't think of finking on my "Best Buddy"!
Ahh! 
That's the spirit!
You had me worried there for a second! 
See ya!
You can count on it.
What a fool! 
Ha!
What a fool!
My voice and image replicator will come in handy.
Here's the deal! 
You leave me alone and I'll give you Ransik.
But you're gonna owe me! 
He'll be at the old warehouse tonight.
Tonight?
Perfect! 
Hehehehe!
What do you want to see me about?
Oh! 
Listen, Ransik! 
Please don't do anything rash!
I promise I can explain everything if you can just give me a chance to...
Huh? 
Hey, wait a minute.
I didn't want to see you, Frax said you wanted to see me!
I have no idea what he is talking about, Master!
What? 
Why, you backstabbing', boltbrained, good for nothin'...
Freeze!
- You're all under arrest!
- But... but how?
Thank you for the tip, Fatcatfish.
But I don't 'owe' you anything.
So you made a deal, to turn me in and save your own hide?
Whoa! 
That was close!
Get outta my way!
Stop the traitor!
He's getting away!
Jen?
Oh. 
I should have done this a long time ago. 
Hahahah!
I need my serum!
Jen! 
Where are you?
- Jen!
- Jen, oh no!
Jen, are you alright?
Jen, speak to me!
- She's hurt!
- We gotta get her home!
Get out of here, guys!
We'll cover!
Frax! 
Aah! 
My serum! 
Ah!
Yes, Master. 
I've brought some.
Here you... here you go!
Wait! 
You've got it all wrong!
You thought a pathetic robot like you could double-cross me?
Why, I'll melt ya into a doorknob!
You and I have some unfinished business!
I think I left the teapot on!
My pleasure!
She's gone!
Hey, Guys!
Guys, get up! 
She's gone!
Hold it right there!
Please have mercy, Pink Ranger!
I'll give you the same mercy Ransik gave Alex!
Jen, No! 
Stop!
Don't fire! 
You gotta think this thing through!
Save it! 
This guy deserves whatever I can give him.
You'll be the same as them!
Come on, now.
You know I'd never really do anything to you!
We're buddies, right?
We're not even close to buddies, slime!
Jen, you're Time Force! 
You're sworn to bring him back alive!
This time, it is personal!
You tried to destroy me and Alex!
You're as evil as Ransik, and it's time for you to pay!
Wait, Jen! 
You're right!
She is?
You've got every reason to want revenge.
But I wonder...
What would Alex do?
He'd say, 'Everything by the book.'
All right.
You made the right choice, Jen.
Please do not scare us like that again! 
Whew!
- Yeah, it's too much!
- You could say that again!
You should's finished me when you had the chance!
Time Force! 
You're under arrest!
Is that all you got?
Full power!
It's over.
Yeah!
It's not over, not by a longshot!
Whoa!
Circuit! 
We need you!
The Megazord's on the way, Jen!
Let's do it!
Cyclone Defense!
Megazord Mode Red, now!
- Jen, this one's for you. 
C'mon.
- Thanks.
Megazord Saber, full power!
Your time, is up!
You're under arrest!
Good job, guys!
C'mon! 
Let's go home.
Home you enjoy your stay!
That's one more down!
Hehehe! 
And someday, we'll put Ransik in there, too!
Let's hope it's soon.
I know I'm not Alex.
But I don't want you to be like him. 
In fact...
- I like you just the way you are.
- You do?
Yeah, I do.
Heheheh! 
Yes! 
Yes! 
Woo-hoo-hoo!
- I like you just the way you are!
- You do?
Yes!
Wes!
Jen!
Run! 
Run!
Captioned by Grantman Brown

Hmm. 
Let's see... 
Ahh! 
Perfect!
This one looks like an especially devious criminal!
A moment in the Reanimator and we'll see just how dangerous you are!
Begin!
Hey! 
What's goin' on here?
Where am I?
Who are all of you, and why have I been unfrozen?
You're the mutant, who's going to destroy the Power Rangers!
I couldn't destroy anyone!
Why don't I just go back in my canister?
Sorry!
Whoa!
What's this?
You don't want to fight?
No! 
I'm not a violent mutant!
I was only put in jail for petty theft!
Petty theft?
This is what happens to mutants, that don't fight for me!
Ransik, wait! 
No sense in wasting a perfectly good mutant.
I can make him fight... with this.
Hold him!
Trust me, my peaceloving friend.
You will fight for Ransik.
It's up to you! 
You can choose the easy way, or the hard way. 
Hahehehahah!
Oooooh!
It appears he is more powerful than I anticipated!
Stupid robot! 
Get the mutant back or I will use this on you!
Yes, master. 
Right away!
No, wait! 
I'm not gonna hurt you!
Aww, please don't cry, little girl!
Get away from her!
I wouldn't hurt her!
I wouldn't hurt anybody!
Get me the Silver Guardians!
Guardians! 
Man up and move out!
Good as new!
Boy, ha! 
Howdy!
I don't know how you did it!
Hahaha!
Oh, Woe is me!
Please, somebody! 
Help me!
This is your last chance.
You will fight for Ransik!
Noooo! 
I can't!
No more chances! 
Destroy him!
Destroy a mutant?
It will be my pleasure!
Don't do it!
Hey! 
Come on!
Eric?
Quantum Power!
Ugh! 
You'll pay for this!
Cyclobots, fire!
Come on! 
Follow me!
Dohhh, okay!
What is he doing?
Huh? 
Whoa!
These guys are so annoying!
Argh! 
Where'd Trip go?
Oh, my nerves!
I can't go any further!
Where can I go? 
Where can I hide?
Over there! 
Come on!
Come on!
Over here should be safe.
What's goin' on with you?
You gotta help me!
I may look scary, but ya have to believe me, I'd never hurt a fly!
I just wanna be frozen again!
Oh, how did I get into this predicament?
Do you have his file?
He's tellin' the truth.
He's not dangerous at all!
He only got arrested for stealin' some vegetables!
No one would feed me because of the way I look!
I had to steal or I would've starved!
If Frax finds him, he'll destroy him.
We're on it!
Don't worry! 
Help is on the way.
Oh, thank you!
Keep your eyes open!
Trip's around here somewhere!
Ya going' somewhere?
Yeah, we are. 
What's it to you?
Your friend's hiding a mutant.
And I wanna know where he is.
That's none of your business!
It is my business...
and your father's!
Mutants are a threat to this city!
But you don't understand!
This mutant isn't violent!
Not violent?
Don't make me laugh.
They're all violent.
And when I catch him, I'll destroy him.
We'll see.
We can't let him find Trip and Notacon.
Alright, everyone. 
Fan out!
We got a lot of territory to cover.
They're all over the place.
Keep down!
Thank you, Time Force Ranger.
You can call me Trip!
Heheh! 
Thank you, Trip!
You let a Ranger escape with my mutant!
Just a temporary setback, sir!
But don't worry!
I've got it all figured out!
I've got a plan.
I can't wait to hear this one!
I'm running out of patience with you, Frax.
Just a few slight adjustments... and viola!
Now the device will destroy his good nature, and the signal will lead us to his exact location.
What's happening?
What is it? 
What's wrong?
What is that?
We gotta get rid of that thing!
- Hey, guys. 
Any luck?
- No, nothing!
Me neither.
Trip? 
Trip, come in!
Rangers!
I'm picking up mutant DNA at the old shipping docks!
Thanks, Circuit.
Alright, let's get moving!
Ahh! 
Ooh, stop! 
Don't do that!
Augh! 
It's no use!
If I remove it... it'll destroy you.
Then I'll do it myself!
No, don't!
If Ransik finds me, he'll force me to hurt people.
I couldn't live with myself if I ever did that!
Don't give up! 
We'll find a way!
Oh, how sweet.
A human helping a mutant!
Now I've seen everything.
It's almost a shame that I have to do this.
Huh? 
Notacon, no!
Hey! 
Are you okay?
There he is!
Let's go!
Come on!
Got 'em.
How convenient! 
The Quantum Ranger will destroy him for me!
Any last words, mutant?
What're you doing?
Step aside, Trip!
Maximum Power!
No!
What're you doing, Wes?
I'm not gonna let you destroy him!
Go on! 
Run! 
Get outta here!
Hold it right there!
I don't think so!
You almost hit Trip!
Then you should have kept him out of my way!
Nothing's gonna stop me from getting that mutant!
Well, we're not gonna let you do that!
You can't stop me.
Do the math, Eric. 
There are four of us, and only one of you.
Do I look scared to you?
I'm only gonna say this once.
Then say it!
I've got a mission to do, and anyone who gets in my way is gonna be sorry... including you.
Am I making myself clear?
Wes!
Don't make the mistake of crossing me again!
We've got to stop him!
Oh, there you are.
It's no use, they're gonna catch me.
You gotta go, it's too dangerous!
No! 
I'm not leaving you!
- But...
- Hold it right there!
There's nowhere left to run.
Leave him alone!
Step away.
Stay back!
Eric, you're making a big mistake.
There's no mistake.
Mutants have to be destroyed, plain and simple.
What?
Listen. 
We don't destroy them.
We capture them, and bring them to justice.
You think they deserve the same justice we do? 
Why?
They're not even human!
Look at 'em, he's a... a freak!
Oh, that's it. 
You wanna destroy him because he's a mutant?
Well, you don't even know his story!
You hate him, because he looks different.
Well, if you have to destroy everything that's different than you?
Well then you'd better destroy me, too!
What?
Trip, no!
Trip, please, no! 
You can't do this!
It's okay! 
I'm not afraid to stand up for what's right.
- But Trip, what if...?
- If we don't do it, then who will?
You won't hurt him!
You're wrong.
Your luck. 
There must be something wrong with this thing.
It looks like it's time for a little persuasion!
What's wrong?
I'm sorry, Trip.
I can't control myself!
Time for Time Force!
Notacon! 
You've got to fight it.
I'm trying, Trip!
He doesn't want to hurt us!
He sure has a funny way of not hurting us!
It isn't Notacon, it's Frax!
He's controlling him!
You think he's nasty now?
He hasn't even gotten warmed up yet!
Hey, Wes! 
I have a plan!
If we're lucky we can stop him, without actually hurting him.
Okay, Trip.
Circuit! 
We need Megazord power!
I'm way ahead of you, Wes.
Megazord, online!
Launch Time Flyers.
Launch Shadow Winger.
Trip! 
Let us know when you're all set!
Wes! 
I'm ready to head out!
Be careful, Trip.
Shadow Force, Mode Red!
- Here I go!
- Good luck!
Okay, guys! 
The only thing you have to do is keep him busy.
All I need is one clear shot!
Wow! 
He's as strong as I am!
I know! 
Just... try to hold him steady for Trip!
Come on!
Where is that thing?
There it is!
Come on, just hold him still!
I won't let you foil my plan.
I knew it!
Q-Rex! 
Arise!
Eric, don't!
Q-Rex, attack!
He's not trying to destroy him!
He's trying to hold him!
Trip, go for it!
Okay, here it goes!
Fire!
Yay!
Wes! 
Freeze him now!
Blizzard Slash.
Thank you!
There ya go, buddy.
That mutant was useless, anyway!
You'll be safe from Ransik now.
I'll make sure of that.
Ya got lucky this time. 
But the next time a mutant attacks, you'd better stay out of the Guardians' way... or, we'll run right over you.
That guy is mean.
No, he's not!
I saw how he really feels inside.
He's lonely!
He only acts mean to hide it.
Kind of like... how you act cool!
What? 
Act cool?
I am cool!
Oh, really?
Yeah, right!
Eric... 
lonely?
Captioned by Grantman Brown

- I'm gonna go check outside!
- Okay!
Hey! 
Is it working?
I think we just about got it working.
Okay! 
You said that hours ago!
Something's not right!
The hands aren't moving!
Oh, look!
The pendulum rod is stuck.
I'll go check it out.
- Hey! 
I wouldn't go up there.
- Why not?
Well, uhh... 
Come on! 
I'll show ya!
This is Walter Brown.
He used to live here.
And legend has it...
he still haunts the place.
Haunts? 
You mean, by... ghosts?
Yep. 
They say he fell in love only once.
To the most beautiful girl in town.
So what happened?
He never had the courage to stand up and fight for her.
He was a coward. 
So he ended up living in loneliness.
And that is why...
he haunts the tower.
Waiting for his true love.
So that he won't be lonely...
Highly improbable!
Highly ridiculous! 
I'm goin' to bed.
Yeah, me too!
A lonely ghost. 
That's so sad!
Jen! 
Wake up!
Did you hear that?
I don't hear anything.
Go back to sleep!
Stop right there!
Don't come any closer!
What's happening?
You have to be more careful!
Oh... yeah. 
Thanks!
Oh, I have to go. 
Good day!
Where am I?
The Clock Tower!
Hello, Gwen.
Hello! 
I've been meaning to thank you for the lovely poem.
Well, I... uhh, I've got...
I've got more, if you'd like to read them.
I'd love to.
Hey! 
What're you doin'?
We were just talking, Drake.
Yeah? 
Well, I'm not payin' you to talk to my girl. 
Got it?
Don't, Drake! 
Leave Walter alone!
Walter?
This is Walter Brown.
I want that whole wagon unloaded today.
Come on!
Let go of me! 
That hurts!
Hey! 
You shouldn't treat her that way!
What did you say?
What did you say?
Nothing.
Hehe. 
Coward.
Hey! 
I didn't get to thank you.
That was brave of you to help me back there.
Yeah, well... that's me. 
Brave.
Mind if I help you?
I... kinda owe you one!
Thanks, but... 
These are way too heavy for a girl.
Ohhhh, really? 
Huh.
Stronger than I look!
Gosh.
Thank you for all your help.
It's the least I could do.
You know my father built the Clock Tower?
He could build anything. 
But me?
Ahh... 
I could never do anything with my hands.
You must be good at something!
I like to write poetry.
Your smile is as gentle as a summer breeze.
These are beautiful!
Walter? 
What're you doin' sittin' around?
I told you to unload that wagon!
- I've already finished.
- Finished?
He's right, Drake.
The wagon's totally empty!
That fast? 
A skinny wimp like you? 
No way. 
Hehehe.
You had help! 
You can't even wipe your own nose without help!
Hey, what's this?
Well, looked here. 
Poetry!
Haha! 
I love poetry.
Her smile as gentle as a summer breeze, that carries the morning wren.
Her voice as sweet as a whippoorwill, no other girl but Gwen!
Gwen? 
You're writing poetry about my girl?
Hold it right there, Drake!
Why don't you pick on someone your own size?
Katie, don't!
- If you weren't a girl, I'd...
- What? 
You'd what?
How about it? 
You and me?
Or are ya scared?
Go!
Come on, boss!
You're fired!
I am so sorry.
I didn't mean to get you fired.
I'm glad for what ya did.
Been dreaming' about doin' it myself someday.
But it's not gonna do me any good.
It's just gonna make him angrier.
He's sweet on my girl!
No one writes poetry about my girl but me!
But you can't even write your name, Drake!
So what?
I don't need to write my name!
Everyone knows who I am!
Come on! 
It's time to teach that little coward a lesson!
Yeah, yeah! 
Let's teach him a real good lesson, boss!
Walter? 
Are you here?
Gwen! 
What're you doing here?
I've come to warn you.
Drake and his buddies... they're mad and they're coming to get you.
Thank you for telling me.
Walter? 
I'm really gonna miss your poems.
And I know that someday, that I'll be able to read a whole book of them.
Walter! 
You can't run forever!
I'm not running forever.
I'm just running today.
And tomorrow they'll be some other bully.
There's gonna come a time, when no matter how scary it is, you have to stand up for what you believe in.
Well, do you believe in Gwen?
Come out here, you coward!
We're gonna settle this thing once and for all!
Walter's gone. 
You scared him off the same way you do anyone you don't like. 
Except me.
Bullies like you don't scare me.
In fact, you... make... me... 
laugh!
Huh! 
We'll see who laughs now!
What the? 
You're supposed to be on my side!
Don't you dare!
Get away from her.
Big mistake!
You should have kept running!
I'll be reading more of your poems after all!
As many as you want.
May I walk you home?
Wake up!
Ransik is attacking! 
Let's go!
Katie! 
Hurry up! 
Let's go!
Double team 'em!
- Let's finish this, Katie!
- You got it!
Vortex Blaster!
Lock On.
Fire!
This isn't good!
Circuit! 
We need the Megazord!
Launch in 4, 3, 2, 1...
I don't see him!
He's got to be here somewhere!
Megazord Mode Red!
Whoa! 
Wes! 
Use the Saber!
Megazord Saber, online! 
Full power!
Whoa!
And I turned around, and there was Walter.
And for the first time, he stood up to Drake, and won.
He took Gwen's hand and walked her home.
I know. 
And they got married and lived happily ever after.
Yeah, in my dream!
But in real life, you said he lived a life of loneliness.
Which is why his ghost haunts the Clock Tower...?
Whoa, I didn't say that!
In real life, they got married!
Wait a minute. 
Are we talking about the same guy?
Walter and Gwen?
Yeah! 
Like I said, it's no dream.
They got married, and lived happily ever after!
It really happened!
Don't you know? 
There's no such thing as ghosts!
Who did that?
Captioned by Grantman Brown

I want more!
Okay, here's the plan.
When I give the signal,
We'll force her out of the bank, and then Wes? 
You arrest her.
You got it!
Come on!
Be careful, guys.
Oh, Yes! 
Large bills will do just fine! 
Hehehehe!
Everybody into position.
Standing by!
Let's do it.
We're right behind you.
- Ready?
- Ready!
Alright, go!
Oh no! 
Those guys are gonna ruin everything!
Eric!
We're in the middle of a plan!
You gotta pull your team back!
Sorry. 
We've got a job to do, here.
- Wes! 
Here she comes!
- Alright!
Nadira! 
Freeze!
What happened? 
You were supposed to cover this exit!
Eric and the Guardians! 
They...
Just save it. 
Let's go.
Guys! 
Wait! 
I... 
Guys! 
Come on!
Nice work, Wes.
I specifically told you to stay at that exit, and you didn't.
I know. 
But you didn't see the Silver Guardians pull up!
- Wes, I did see them!
- You did? 
You saw them?
Of course I did!
And I was changing the plan until you decided to go it alone!
Look, the only way we can work as a team is if we trust each other.
But after this morning, how am I supposed to trust you?
Okay, okay. 
So I messed up!
But you know what, Jen?
Trust is a two-way street.
- Meaning what?
- You expect us to trust you to lead us?
No matter what you say, we do it.
But you don't trust us enough to open up!
You never let anybody in.
Guys, am I right?
I am not here to open up to you.
I am here to capture Ransik!
See? 
See? 
And that's what I mean.
It is all business with you, Jen.
Now, I know you said you liked me.
But tell me. 
How am I supposed to trust you, when I don't even know who you are!
That should do it, Nadira!
Time to return to reality!
Haha! 
Yay! 
That was great!
But make sure you send the Rangers somewhere super nasty!
Of that you can be assured!
Mutant at the Trade Center!
Let's go do our job.
Alright, everybody stick to the plan.
Do you think you can do that, Wes?
Will you get off my back!
I'll do my part!
Well, this time you had better!
- We're all counting on you, Wes.
- Move out!
That's right. 
Save them.
Now!
Hope you hate your new surroundings! 
Hahaha!
Hold it right there!
Two more, please! 
Hahahaha!
Where in the world are we?
That is, if we're on our world.
Welcome to my dimension, Rangers! 
Meet you new hosts!
Whoa! 
Do you see what I see?
I don't believe it!
It's not possible!
It looks like it is.
More Rangers?
Whose side are they on?
What do you want with us?
They have one purpose, and one purpose only!
And that is to destroy you!
We have to defend ourselves!
Let's do it!
They know all of our moves before we even do them!
That's right! 
But guess what?
You don't know any of theirs! 
Hahahahaha!
Let's take it up a notch.
V-weapons!
Fire!
Woah. 
Look! 
Over there!
Whoa! 
We blew a hole in the dimension!
Alright! 
That looks like our ticket out of here!
Well let's get going then!
I'll close the tear before they can leave!
Katie? 
Lucas? 
Trip?
They didn't make it out.
Come on.
Those pesky Rangers are very tricky!
But they haven't escaped from me yet!
Turtlecon has captured them and has locked them in an alternate dimension with the Evil Power Rangers.
And they won't stop until they've destroyed
- all the good Rangers!
- How can we get them out?
You've got to break through the dimensional wall.
Then, by firing an energy blast from the inside and the outside at the same time, you'll shatter the dimension!
I'll go back in.
You two are going to have to work together!
Can you do that?
Now go to the portal, while I locate the target coordinates.
Come on.
And don't forget!
Unless you trust each other completely, it'll never work!
Let's go!
Evil Rangers, get them!
I guess Wes and Jen made it out.
Well, now what do we do?
How about we run?
Come, let's go!
Go!
- Don't be nervous.
- How can you be so calm?
Actually, I haven't always been this way!
Really?
I'll tell you something I've never told anyone.
When I was a rookie, I couldn't handle the pressure at all.
I was just about to quit...
That's the day I met Alex.
He believed in me when no one else did.
I'm... 
I'm sorry!
No. 
I'm sorry.
I knew right away there was something special about him.
Then he took me under his wing, and taught me everything
I know about being a Time Force Officer.
That's not bad!
Alright, let's do this again.
I don't know where I would be today if it weren't for him.
And when he put that Time Force Badge on me?
Well, it was the proudest moment of my life!
And I knew I could always trust him, like he could trust me.
I'm sending you the target coordinates now!
Good work, Circuit!
There it is.
Let's do it.
Alright, this is it. 
If we mess up, they'll be trapped forever.
Don't worry, Jen. 
You can trust me.
Time to continue our little tournament!
Where are we?
Wherever we are, they've followed us.
No more running. 
Ready?
- Ready!
- Time for... 
Time Force!
Turtlecon! 
What did you do with my friends?
See for yourself!
Alright, I'm back!
Begin scanning for firing points!
Must fire in 4:37.
There it is!
3 minutes, 35 seconds till fire.
Scanning for firing point... got it!
Don't worry, Jen.
I won't let ya down.
- Where's she going?
- Maybe Jen's back!
Look out!
Where is that spot?
I've got to get as close to it as possible!
- 2 minutes until fire!
- There it is!
Huh? 
Oh no!
Okay. 
It's almost time.
1 minute.
Come on, Jen. 
We can do this!
We gotta hang on, guys.
The others'll come through for us!
I sure hope that they're ready!
You haven't beaten me yet!
Now where's my weapon?
Time's running out. 
Hurry!
Ready! 
Fire!
My dimension! 
No!
My beautiful dimension is destroyed!
Now for another dose of reality!
You're going back to prison!
What? 
Never!
We're Time Force.
And you are under arrest!
You can't arrest me! 
Because the only place I'm going, is up!
Time Flyers, online!
Mode Red!
Duplicator, activate!
Our Megazord!
How can we possibly beat it?
That's the point! 
You can't!
We've got to try something else!
Right! 
Mode Blue... now!
Hahaha! 
Finish him off!
Hey, look! 
It's the Time Shadow!
- Wes! 
Let's get back in this.
- You got it!
Lasers, online!
Fire!
You can't compete with the original!
Shadow Force, online!
Shadow Force, Time Target!
Hey! 
What's going on?
Time Blast!
Your time's up!
Nice shooting!
Yeah, but we can always use more target practice!
That's why I want to show you my idea of target practice.
Come on! 
Come on!
You gotta see this!
Come on. 
I'll show ya.
Give it a try, Jen!
Obviously, this gun needs read just ments!
Let me try it.
Good job, Wes!
Alright, hotshot!
Here. 
One more try.
What, you still don't trust me?
Yeah, I do!
Captioned by Grantman Brown

[ screaming and grunting ]
Don't stop. 
You must go!
- Are you all right?
- Yeah.
Hyah! 
Aah!
- You ready to give up, Rangers?
- Never.
Then I guess I'll have to do it the hard way.
- Yes!
- Yaah!
Time strike! 
Yaah!
You're under arrest.
Yes, well, keep him there.
I'm sending a photographer over.
Here they are-- the Rangers in action.
Good job, Mitch... but not good enough.
I've seen this before.
You want to go places, right?
You want to move up, up to the top, right?
- Yeah, sure.
- People who read the "Inquisitor"
are people dying to see photos of the Rangers
- without their helmets.
- Expose their secret identities?
Do that, and I'll give you an office on the top floor.
Give me more of this...
and you're fired.
Wow!
This woman raised a baby bigfoot.
The "Inquisitor"? 
Ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
None of this stuff is real.
These guys do whatever it takes to sell papers.
It's all hype.
Guys, come look at this.
Ha ha. 
Front page.
- "Red Ranger rights wrong." - [ bell rings ]
Oh, maybe it's a job.
Can I help you with something?
I hope so.
I need to hire someone-- someone who's quick to their feet and strong, so they can help me carry my camera equipment.
Someone strong?
We've got just the person.
- Hi.
- Hi.
This is exciting.
I've never been on a photo assignment before.
Well, you're lucky then, because this one's going to be big.
So... what is this big assignment?
We're going to expose the true identities of the Power Rangers.
[ man on radio ] Mitch, we have a report of a mutant attack.
You know, where there's a mutant... there's Rangers.
- [ beep ] 
- Remember, I need to see faces.
All right, we're on our way.
Bingo.
[ grunting ]
- Aah!
- Wes, are you all right?
- He is going down!
- Jen, no!
[ screaming ]
Don't demorph yet.
Katie, give me the zoom.
Katie?
Fun time's over.
V-weapons.
Let me show you some real firepower.
Chrono Saber!
Huh?
- He got away!
- Come on, come on.
- We'll get him next time.
- No, wait!
- What's wrong?
- That photographer is watching us.
He wants pictures to expose our identities.
- What?
- Don't look.
Just act natural and walk away.
It's okay.
I'll keep an eye on him.
I'll meet you guys back the the tower later.
Okay, let's go.
There you are.
I went to get more film, but the van won't open.
Ha ha ha. 
Boy, do I feel silly.
- So, did you get the photos?
- No, not their faces, but don't worry. 
We will.
Come on, let's go.
You took these?
They're beautiful.
Thanks. 
If I had my way,
I'd take these type of pictures all the time.
Oh. 
So why don't you?
The "Inquisitor" doesn't pay for pictures of animals.
Unless, of course, it's a bigfoot or a 3-headed dog.
Yeah, some of our stories are pretty silly,
- but, you know, it's harmless.
- Maybe not.
Like your big assignment.
Maybe the Rangers keep their identity secret for a reason.
If you expose them, you might be endangering
- their whole mission.
- I-I can't think about that right now, and this story's going to take me places.
Come on, let's go.
[ telephone rings ]
Hey, Katie, why don't you pick up some lunch for us?
- You've got it.
- Thanks.
- [ screaming ] - [ laughing evilly ]
[ beep ]
- Go ahead, Circuit.
- Artillicon has returned.
On my way.
I've got to blow off some steam, and I know just how to do it.
Ahh, that will do.
Those Power Rangers don't stand a chance against, Artillicon.
Mitch! 
Mitch.
I got-- there. 
The Rangers have been spotted here.
Get me those photos.
- Get these people to safety!
- Did everyone get out all right?
Okay, don't worry.
We'll get him.
Time Force! 
You're under arrest!
This time you won't get away.
I'm not going anywhere, but you are.
[ screaming ]
Wes!
- Yaah!
- This guy's pretty tough.
- We need more power.
- Right.
Let's do it! 
Vortex Blaster!
- Lock on.
- You'll be sorry!
- Fire!
- [ screaming ]
- What's he doing?
- Look out!
I've got more destroying to do.
See you on the next battlefield.
Move out!
[ grunting ]
Please. 
Don't.
Please!
Mitch, wait.
You don't know how much damage this can do to us.
Not my problem.
Look, they're going to pay me a lot of money for these.
I'd be an idiot not to turn them in.
Well, some things are more important than a paycheck.
Look, I got to go.
Excuse me.
Where's Mr. Hampton?
Oh, he'll be back in about five minutes.
Would you see that he gets these?
- They're very important.
- Yeah, of course.
Thanks.
[ elevator dings ]
Help! 
Somebody help!
Somebody help! 
Help!
Mitch?
- It won't open.
- Just hold on.
Don't let go.
I'll be right down, Mitch.
Give me your hand.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
But you'd save me even after I did that to you and your friends?
See, that's the difference between you and me-- you only think of yourself.
Time for Time Force!
V-Weapon!
It's time to finish you Rangers for good!
Huh? 
Oh, no!
And this time I'm not stopping till the job is finished!
Guys, the only way we'll be able to beat him is to take out his cannons.
Chrono Sabers! 
Yaah!
Target locked on. 
All right, fire!
You won the small battle, but now let's take it up to the next level!
- Circuit, we need you.
- Say no more.
- Time Fliers are on the way.
- Launch one and two.
Launch three and four.
Megazord, mode blue.
Return fire!
Change to mode red now!
Megazord Saber. 
Full power!
Hyah! 
Hyah!
Your time's up!
JEN: 
Hurry up. 
We've got to move out of here fast.
Jen, are you sure we have to leave?
- I kind of like it here.
- When that paper hits the stands today, the whole world will know where we live,
- including Ransik.
- [ knock on door ]
- What do you want?
- I need to see Katie.
- She doesn't want to see you.
- Please?
- Where are you guys going?
- Well, it isn't safe for us here anymore, thanks to you.
That's why I'm here.
I came to tell you--
Hey, guys, look!
There's nothing in here about is.
- So we can stay?
- JEN: 
That's fantastic.
Let's put everything away.
I got these back at the last minute.
- I think you should have them.
- What about your job?
I quit. 
I'm going to find a new job where I can take the type of pictures I want to take.
Captioned by Grantman Brown

Oh, Daddy! 
I'm so miserable!
But why, my dear? 
You have everything a girl could want!
Cash, cars, jewelry... and you're the most beautiful creature on Earth.
True.
But there's one thing I don't have.
- What?
- Romance!
Ough.
Ohhh, Nadira! 
I can be romantic!
You're about as romantic as a Warthog!
Warthogs can be very romantic!
Wind day right lighting, date is.
Now, what you need...
is to get out of here for a while!
Ahhh... 
Ransik!
Thanks for finally busting me out!
Feels good to be a free lizard.
So! 
What can I do ya for?
I want you to destroy the Rangers!
Piece a cake. 
Hahaheh.
Nadira... 
Why don't you go, with Chameliacon?
Being evil... always cheers you up!
- What'd ya say?
- Well... 
I guess.
Yeah, baby... 
Oomph!
Make sure she has fun.
- Fun!
- Got it!
I got it!
Back already?
Yep!
We picked the whole orchard.
Yeah!
They let us take these home!
What's this?
Hey! 
Gimme that!
Cruising together as the wind rushes past, and sharing the moments that always will last.
Fierce as a tiger with beauty and grace, people think you're bad, but you make my heart race!
Who is this girl?
Lucas, 'people think you're bad but you make my heart race?
'
For your information, it's not about a girl.
It's about my first... racecar.
- A car?
- Not just any car, a racecar!
Now I've heard everything.
Rangers! 
There's a mutant attack at the Industrial Center!
- Let's go!
- Come on!
Hahahaha! 
Come on, Nadira!
Give it a go!
That's enough! 
Hold it right there!
We're Time Force, and you're under arrest, Chameliacon.
- And that goes for you too, Nadira.
- Right!
Oooh, Rangers! 
Whoop-dee-doo!
You're not takin' us anywhere, coppers! 
Attack!
Let's do it!
And you're next!
Give it up, Nadira.
You're never gonna win.
Blah, blah, blah! 
Like I care!
Chrono-Sabers!
Make it easy on yourself and come peacefully, Chameliacon!
Yeah!
No way, no how!
And that's that.
Lucas! 
Over here!
I'll bet we haven't seen the last of him.
We'd better get back to the Clock Tower!
Right.
Rotten Blue Ranger!
When I get my claws on him...
Hmm. 
What's this?
Cruising together as the wind...
People think you're bad, but you make my heart... race!
This was written... for me?
I never knew he cared!
He may be a Ranger, but he's a dreamy Ranger!
You seem to be feeling a lot better!
I've never been so happy in my entire life! 
I met a boy.
A boy? 
Who is he?
You'll never guess! 
He's the Blu...
Maybe I better not say!
I don't think you'll like him.
Oooh, come on! 
I... 
I promise.
No matter who he is, I'll like him!
In that case, he's the Blue Ranger!
I'll grind him into dust!
Oh, no! 
Not the Blue Ranger!
Oghh, he's da ugliest one!
But, Daddy... 
He makes me so happy!
He even wrote a poem for me!
A po.. 
Ughhh.
Well, if he...
makes my little angel happy...
Ahh, just the young man I've been looking for!
Ransik! 
What do you want?
It's not what I want, it's what Nadira wants!
She told me about you and her.
What about me and her?
Oh, don't be coy!
I know you wrote about her.
People... think you're bad, but you make my heart race.
Yeah, I wrote that poem, but it's not about...
Let me give you some advice.
My little girl has very expensive tastes!
She likes flowers! 
French perfume!
And of course, diamonds!
But you don't understand...!
I understand, that if you don't treat my daughter like a princess, you'll be sorry!
You have a date with her.
Don't... be late.
I knew you'd be here!
Hello, Nadira!
Aren't you the sly one? 
Hee!
Hiding your true feelings from me...
all this time.
Listen, there's something I need to tell you.
Yes, dreamboat?
Uhh, these are for you!
Ohh! 
They're beautiful!
Mmm.
Oh, and uhh... this other stuff, too!
This... and this...
All of my favorites!
Mmm!
You shouldn't have!
But I'm so glad you did!
Ohh, Daddy!
I just had a wonderful date!
Really? 
Tell me all about it!
He's so handsome... and suave.
And most importantly, he gives lots of expensive presents!
Oh, I'm gonna be sick!
So long as he treats you well!
That's all that I care about.
Where have you been all dressed up?
Lemme guess, another big date?
Well? 
Who's the lucky girl?
Well, actually...
I might as well tell you.
I had a date with...
Rangers! 
Chameliacon has returned!
Let's go!
I love this job! 
Hahaha!
- Let's get these people out of here.
- Okay.
Get to safety!
I knew they'd come. 
Destroy them!
Let's do it!
What? 
Ahh, gross! 
Let go of me!
Blue was always my least favorite color!
Don't do this!
What did I tell you?
Not... the Blue Ranger.
I don't want him hurt. 
Comprende?
- You okay?
- Yeah.
- Stupid mutant.
- Yeah, I'm fine!
What's going on?
Ransik! 
Knock it off.
Unh-unh! 
Not... the Blue guy. 
Got it?
Okay... 
The others are fair game!
Shake?
This is too weird.
What is going on?
Aww, man.
Not the Blue guy?
That's right!
But... 
That's what I said!
D'oh, this is too confusing!
Lucas, what is going on here?
Yeah!
It looked like Ransik was protecting you!
He was. 
That's what I was trying to tell you earlier...
So, you see? 
There was no choice!
I had to go on a date with her.
I think you and Nadira make a cute couple.
This isn't funny!
Look, you have to break it off with her.
I can't. 
Ransik will tear me apart!
Fine, but get her to break up with you.
Like that's gonna happen.
I mean, look at me!
Why would any girl break up with me?
Don't worry.
When we're done with you?
You won't be able to buy, a date.
Hey, Bay-by!
Wuzzap?
You're late!
Yeah, well... 
I had to nap.
All right, eats!
What's that... smell?
Guess I should've showered this week!
Ohh! 
Well!
Aw, come on! 
Don't be mad!
Hey! 
I brought you something.
That's more like it!
Eww!
It's my laundry!
You think you can have it done by tomorrow?
Me?
Don't look at me! 
Burp. 
I'm broke.
Broke?
That does it! 
We're through!
Hey! 
Does that mean you're not doing my laundry?
- She's gone!
- Bye-bye!
You should be an actor, Lucas!
Ohh-ho, Daddy! 
I wanna go home!
There. 
What's the matter, my pet?
I thought the Blue Ranger made you happy!
I never want to see him again!
He's disgusting!
He's rude!
And worst of all, he's... broke!
There, there, precious.
No one breaks my little girl's heart and gets away with it!
Ow!
Chameliacon!
You rang?
I want you to go back, and attack the Rangers.
What?
Only this time, make sure you destroy the Blue one!
But you said not to!
Don't do what I said then, do what I say now!
Oh-hoho! 
Jeez, Lucas!
You really are convincing a slob.
- Ready?
- Ready!
Time for Time Force!
Got ya covered, Lucas!
Yeah! 
We'll take him down for good! 
Yuuh!
I don't think so!
Lucas!
Time for Time Force!
Be careful!
- We've gotta help him.
- Right!
Then let's get to it!
Ohh no, Lucas! 
Are you alright?
I just need to catch my breath!
I'm fine.
Catch this first!
Chrono-Sabers! 
Fire!
Hey! 
Waddaya think ya doing?
Wes! 
You take it from here.
You got it!
Time Strike!
All right! 
Way to go, Lucas.
I'm never going back to the big house!
Whoa!
Circuit! 
We need help!
You got it, Lucas!
Q-Rex, Megazord Mode!
Everybody, hold on!
Q-Rex, Battle Ready!
Fire missiles... now!
- Ready, Lucas?
- You bet! 
Time Target!
Time to bring you down to size.
Fire!
Yeah! 
Your time's... up!
I guess I'll never have romance in my life!
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm your secret admirer, so meet me at the beach!
Not much of a... poet.
So what? 
I'm desperate!
Wooh-hoo-hoo!
Heheheh. 
Hello, Nadira!
Please come join me, my dear!
Uhhehehe.
Surprise, It's me, Gluto!
Yer secret admirer!
And dis, is for you.
Ah, I'm desperate!
But I'm not that desperate!
Captioned by Grantman Brown

I can't stop it. the Q-Rex is out of control.
We need help.
Right. 
Circuit, we need the Megazord!
You got it!
Time Force Megazord online.
Time Force Megazord-- mode red.
Destroy them! 
Destroy them all!
Hold on, guys!
Oh, man. 
This is all my fault.
Time Shadow procured for launch.
Systems activated.
Launch in 3, 2, 1...
- The Time Shadow!
- Perfect timing.
With both of us, I think we'll have enough power to beat that thing.
Grraah! 
Grraah!
Whoa! 
What's that?
It's here to help us against Quantasaurus Rex.
Hang tight, guys.
- He's injured, Rangers.
- What should we do?
You've got to keep fighting.
Where'd he go?
Round one is mine!
Next comes the knockout!
There's no one better qualified to lead the Silver Guardians now that I am the Quantum Ranger.
I agree with you that the Silver Guardians should be led by a ranger, but not necessarily you.
No, I plan to have four more Time Force Rangers on my team-
- Rangers that control Megazords.
And what if I get control of the Quantasaurus Rex?
Well, now, that would be impressive.
Although the Q-Rex is injured, it only needs a short time to heal its wounds.
Its powers will be completely restored in just two hours.
We've got to get the Quantum Morpher back.
Grraah!
You've got a lot of nerve coming here after the disrespect that you've shown your father.
We need to talk. 
Not here.
- Now, what's so important?
- The Q-Rex will be back anytime now.
You have to give me back that Quantum Morpher.
If I can't control it, what makes you think that you can?
You just don't want me to be the Quantum Ranger.
- That is not what this is all about.
- It really burns you inside that I have as much power as you do, doesn't it, Collins?
Well, pretty soon I'll be the leader of the whole Time Force Rangers.
You... 
lead the Power Rangers?
What are you talking about?
Oh, you didn't know.
The Q-Rex landed right here, so if we go to scan mode-- [ knock on door ]
Mr. Collins. 
I'm sorry, but Wes isn't here.
I'm not here to see Wes.
This place looks familiar to me.
- You own it, sir.
- Ahh.
No, actually, I have a business proposition for you.
- I want to hire you.
- Hire us?
He's going to hire your friends to join me and the Silver Guardians.
I'll be their new leader.
Time Force!
Ha ha ha!
Oh, you must be joking, because they would never work for my dad.
Don't be so sure, Wes.
They want one thing, and that's to capture Ransik.
With your dad's money and technology, they'll do it... a lot faster.
They'd be fools to pass up the offer.
Ha ha. 
You never thought about it, did you?
You only think about yourself, Wes-- typical spoiled rich kid.
Truth is... your friends are better off without you.
- I came here for the morpher.
- You want to save the city, you're going to have to take it from me.
If that's the way it has to be.
Quantum Power!
Time for Time Force!
All right, sleepyhead, nap time's over.
Let's run some tests.
Quantasaurus, arise!
Good. 
Now move this way.
Hey, slow down! 
Wait for me!
I'd better catch up with him.
This, I can't miss! 
Ha ha ha!
Eric, listen to me-- we don't have much time left.
- You mean you don't.
- It's not about me, Eric.
It's always been about you.
The Q-Rex is going to destroy the city.
Grraah!
You've got to give me the Quantum Morpher right now!
Stay out of my way, Wes.
I can handle the Quantasaurus Rex.
- No, you can't.
- Just watch.
Eric!
This is one of our client's buildings.
Make sure everyone gets out safely.
ALL: 
Yes, sir!
Great work! 
Here's more juice!
Eric, wait!
- He's here!
- They're my Rangers now.
- No!
- ERIC: 
All right, fall in line.
- Wes, you're finally here!
- Yeah, are we glad to see you.
I don't know why you guys are so happy to see him.
- He's not on your team anymore.
- That shows how much you know.
Yeah, we told Mr. Collins, we weren't interest in his offer.
Right! 
We decided we like our team just the way it is.
Thanks, guys.
That's what teamwork's about.
You'll regret this.
Rangers, I've called for the Time Flyers.
You've got to stop the Quantasaurus Rex.
-Right. 
Ready?
- Right.
Good luck, Power Rangers.
You're going to need it.
Begin algorithm 07459.
Launch in 3, 2, 1...
Launch 2 and 3.
Launch 4 and 5.
Time Force-- mode red!
Launching time ship.
Grraah!
I'll be right with you.
- Another one.
- Be careful, Rangers-- together, they might have too much power.
Quantasaurus, what are you waiting for? 
Get them!
Grraah!
Laser nets!
It didn't work! 
Hang on!
This is more fun than a video game!
Oh, man, they think they can handle the Q-Rex alone.
We're losing power!
If I don't help they could be destroyed.
MORPHER: 
Quantum Ranger, the voice identification for the Quantasaurus is locked.
It will not respond to your commands.
I know. 
I've got to do something.
Q-Rex, obey my commands!
Quantasaurus Rex, I order you to stop!
You must find the blocking device and destroy it.
Hey, Q-Rex, I'm over here!
- Grraah!
- Uh-oh.
- Grraah!
- Eric, get out of there!
Hey, there's the blocking device.
Quantasaurus!
Listen to my voice.
I command you to stop!
- MORPHER: 
Checking voice match.
- That's it.
- What?
- You are now under my control.
-Voice identification confirmed.
- Replenish power.
Hey, it looks like Eric's got control of the Q-Rex.
- Yeah, it sure does.
- Attack the mutant!
All right, then, give me your best shot.
Q-Rex laser, target and fire!
MORPHER: 
Quantasaurus Megazord mode online.
Quantasaurus Rex...
Megazord mode!
Megazord mode transformation complete.
- That thing is amazing!
- No, wait!
Quantum missiles, fire!
Activate Quantum thunder fists.
MORPHER: 
Recommend using the max blizzard
- to complete the mission.
- All right.
One final assault should do it.
Max blizzard online!
Uh-oh.
Sorry, Commandocon, but your time's up.
Grraah!
Yeah. 
I know it would be able to gain control of the Q-Rex.
Rangers, it appears that the Quantasaurus Rex
- is completely in his control now.
- Yeah, but what's a guy like Eric going to do with that much power?
I don't know.
He's a loose cannon.
Maybe he's not all that bad.
Who knows?
He may surprise us all and show us a different side.
I really hope you're right, Trip.
I've got control of the Quantasaurus Rex.
Well, I see I'm not the only person around here with a little ambition.
You're the new leader of the Silver Guardians.
Sir.
Are you guys sure you made the right decision?
- What do you mean?
- Well, you might catch Ransik faster
- if you teamed up with my dad.
- No way!
- We don't need-- 
- Hold on, Katie.
Maybe we didn't think it through, right?
- What?
- Well, I was just thinking of-- wouldn't it be nice to move out of this cold clock tower?
And you could drive one of those cool SUVs.
And no more odd jobs.
Maybe it's not such a bad idea after all.
Right?
Hello? 
I'm just kidding.
Jen, you've never told a joke in your life.
Oh, you... 
I'm going to get you!
[ gasps ] Look out!
Ha ha ha!
Captioned by Grantman Brown

The theory is, that a giant meteor hit the Earth, causing a giant cloud of dust to fly into the atmosphere, blocking the sun.
This wiped out all plantlife and caused the dinosaurs to become extinct!
Wow, Circuit! 
You know everything about the past!
Too bad he doesn't about the future.
But... he does know about the future!
I do indeed!
Though, I'm not allowed to access that information.
Ahh, come on, Circuit!
Just, one little thing? 
Like...?
What's happening one month from now?
Nope! 
Hmm-mm. 
Not supposed to!
It's not gonna hurt to tell us one thing about the future!
Well... just this once.
Ohh, no! 
It's a...!
Ahh... 
I'm not sure you guys wanna know about the future.
Hmmm.
What's the matter, Circuit?
What did you see?
The entire city! 
It just...
The entire city what?
Hmm! 
I can't access those files!
- Are you sure?
- Mm-hmm!
That's... never happened before!
The data was there!
And then... 
I lost it.
- You lost it?
- Mm-hmm.
You better double-check his wiring.
I'm really sorry, Trip.
Don't worry, Circuit.
Every computer glitches out, now and then!
But not me!
I don't know what happened!
Sorry, Circuit. 
They can't know, yet.
I'm almost out of mutants!
Daddy, I'm bored with the 21st Century!
When can we blow this place?
We're going no where until I find that traitor Frax, and take my revenge.
Meanwhile, there's destruction, still to be done.
The world will soon bow down to my incredible power!
Huhuheheheha!
Trizirium Crystals! 
Hehehahahah!
Part of it's solved. 
Keep at it, Jen!
Hi, guys! 
Need some help? 
Looks like you're doing some research.
I'm excellent at that sort of thing!
Why don't I take a look?
That's okay, Circuit! 
We can handle it.
These records have to be precise.
We can't afford any mistakes.
I'm programmed to adjust that scanner.
Why don't you let me do it for you, Trip?
That's okay, Circuit!
Until I can figure out where that glitch came from, maybe... it'd be better if you'd just take a break!
Oh, okay! 
If you say so, Trip.
I guess nobody needs me around here, anymore.
Ahh... yes. 
The Trizirium Crystals will supercharge my creation, giving it unbelievable power!
Circuit! 
Circuit?
Hey! 
Have you guys seen Circuit?
Uhh... 
Yeah!
He came down to help us work on the Vector Cycles.
But, then we sent him back up to you.
Well, he wanted to help us, too!
But we were, afraid he might malfunction again.
Yeah!
We said, we didn't need his help.
I did the same thing!
I think we hurt his feelings!
We've got to find him!
Come on!
They're right.
I'm just a useless tangle of wires and computer chips!
Heh. 
I knew I'd find ya here!
Hmm?
This is where we landed!
- Yeah?
- Remember?
Thanks to you, we got out of the Ship before it exploded!
But that's when I wasn't defective.
Don't worry, Circuit. 
We're gonna get you back into tiptop shape!
But what if you can't?
What if my next glitch puts you and the others in danger?
It's not gonna happen.
That came from the direction of the Space Center!
Let's go!
Do what you're told and no one gets hurt! 
Huhuhahah!
Take them away, and put them somewhere where I won't be disturbed.
Hehehuhuhuh!
It took years to build this place, but it will only take an hour to tear it down!
60 minutes, until Self-destruct.
And there's no way to stop it!
Cyclobots!
Self Destruct in 43 minutes, and five seconds.
Guys, we've got trouble!
It's locked.
The backdoor's locked, too!
Trip, where are you?
Circuit and I are in the building.
There's Cyclobots everywhere.
We're trying to find out way in!
Wait! 
The building's set to self-destruct in 40 minutes.
The entrance might be rigged to set it off.
Self-destruct?
We'll find the Mainframe.
And try to shut down the computer.
Be careful. 
Jen out!
Alright, Circuit. 
It's you and me.
We... 
We've got to decode the self-destruct program!
I can't help you, Trip.
What if I make a mistake?
But, Circuit! 
No one can crack computer codes like you can!
I mean... 
You're the best!
Well, maybe I used to be...
But, now I'm not so sure.
I'm too afraid of the consequences of me miscalculating!
I just can't do it!
Move it, people!
All right, surround the perimeter!
I've still got 30 minutes to waste!
What should I do now?
Three minutes, until self-destruct!
What?
Oh, no!
Two minutes, until self-destruct!
Two minutes?
Guys!
We've only got two minutes!
We're moving in!
Time for Time Force!
Let's move it!
Two minutes? 
Heh. 
Time Fliers when you're having fun!
But I'd best get out of here, about... now! 
Huhehuh!
- Stop!
- Huh?
You're not going anywhere, lizard-breath! 
Huuah!
- Oh, no!
- Katie!
Come with me. 
Jen and Lucas, you go the other way.
Right!
15... 14...
Oh, no! 
The exit door!
We have to stop it!
Oh, no!
Ohh, I wish I wasn't defective!
The door!
All exit doors must be closed before self-destruct can be completed.
Please close all remaining doors.
Hurry, guys!
I can't hold this for long!
I'm coming, Katie!
Trip! 
I can't hold it!
Don't let that door close yet!
I need more time.
Sorry, Trip.
Looks like we have ourselves a predicament here, Quantum Ranger.
Why don't we settle this the old fashioned way?
- A duel to the finish.
- Agreed!
Invalid Access Code!
I just can't get it!
Circuit, please. 
You can break this program, I know it!
I just can't help until we know I'm not going to malfunction!
Ahh, but, Circuit!
I just can't.
Katie, hold on!
Wes! 
Alright!
You guys need to get the people out!
- We'll hold it as long as we can, go!
- Right!
Oh, I wish I could help him.
At this rate, he won't break the code in time! 
This is awful!
Circuit.
Alex?
Yes. 
I'm the one who erased your history databanks.
You?
But, why?
You were about to tell the Rangers information, that could jeopardize their mission. 
I had no choice.
Then I didn't make a mistake after all. 
Did I?
No, Circuit.
You're perfectly functional.
You've got to do your best to help the Rangers.
You got it, Alex!
Okay. 
Now where do I begin?
How ya doing, Katie?
Ugnh. 
I can't hold on much longer!
Access denied!
Come on!
Hey, Trip. 
Let me see if I can do it!
Down there!
Trip! 
We can't last much longer!
Trip, hurry! 
Huuuh!
I've got access to the Mainframe.
Locating self-destruct override!
I've almost got it!
Hold still, everybody!
Hurry everybody! 
Get out of here!
Come on, get going!
You're gonna be okay! 
I hope.
Make your move, Serpicon.
Hold on, guys!
This should just take a few more seconds.
I can't hold on!
Oh, no!
Self Destruct Aborted!
- What? 
All right!
- Oh, yes!
Yes! 
You did it! 
You did it, buddy!
We did it, Trip!
Trip, Circuit.
You guys really came through.
But don't cut it so close next time!
You got it, Wes!
But we're not done, yet!
Q-Rex, arise!
Whoa!
The Q-Rex is taking on Serpicon!
Quantasaurus, Megazord Mode... now!
Fire Missiles!
V-Weapons, fire!
Huh? 
It didn't even phase him!
Here's some real firepower!
I gotta help them!
- You're first!
- Oh no!
- Hey, Serpicon! 
Over here!
- Huh?
Gotcha, little buddy!
You saved us again, Circuit.
Maybe not!
I can't call the Megazord.
He fried my transmitter!
We'll cover for you, this time, Circuit!
Alright. 
Time Jet, online!
- Let's do it!
- Fire laser, now!
Alright! 
Q-Rex, Max Blizzard!
Circuit! 
Hey!
Guess what? 
We did it!
Circuit? 
Oh no!
All excellent!
It's time to test my creation.
Cyclobot, plug me in!
Raise your left arm!
And now your right arm!
My new creation will do my bidding exactly! 
Huhahaha!
Wake up, Circuit! 
Is he okay?
Circuit? 
Circuit!
Whoa! 
Hi, guys!
How'd you feel?
I feel... well... absolutely great!
If you ever run away from us again...
- ...yeah?
- Well... we're all coming with you!
Got it?
Got it!
Hey! 
I checked your systems.
There's nothing wrong!
So... what was it you were saying about the future?
The future? 
Nothing important!
Nothing at all.
Just the usual, ya know?
The sun will come up, and we will catch the evil guy!
Captioned by Grantman Brown?

Hey, Lucas!
Hey!
Very funny, now give it back!
Don't you ever get tired of looking in the mirror?
No!
You couldn't survive without a mirror, now could you?
Oh, no!
Oooh!
Ohh, man.
Do you know what it means when you break a mirror?
Seven years... bad luck!
Check!
Mirror, mirror, on the wall...
Who's the most fabulous of them all? 
Heehee!
Me. 
Hehaha!
Nrrrrrrr! 
It sure ain't you, honey!
Hahah! 
Neyargrgh!
Miracon!
I should've known!
Just trying to have a little fun!
So, you wanna have a little fun?
Chill out, Nadira!
Well, polish your mirrors, Miracon.
Nehaha!
'Cause I have an idea!
That'll be a real scream. 
Mmm!
This is gonna be fun!
Where'd ya learn how to drive?
Hahahaha!
This is too easy!
Ha!
Whoa! 
What's causing all this?
The reflections are coming from up there!
Let's go!
The Power Rangers... pah!
Look! 
There's the mirror!
Whoa! 
Hey, good looking!
This helmet's kinda styling! 
Yeah.
Well, whoever was up here is gone now.
So let's search the building.
I look good.
- Lucas, what're you doing?
- Yeah! 
This is serious!
Over here!
- Look!
- Hey, you! 
Stop!
Whoa! 
Where'd he go?
- I think he got away.
- Well, let's look around.
- Just to be sure!
- Stay alert, everyone.
My plan is working perfectly!
Heheheheh!
- What're those over there?
- I don't know.
They look like mirrors!
That's kinda strange.
What'd you think they're for?
Be careful.
I don't like the looks of this.
Actually, Jen, things look pretty good from over here.
Heheh. 
Hey, handsome. 
Heh.
I wish we had this kinda setup at the Tower!
This is great! 
Now I've got every angle covered!
Lucas, would you give it a rest already?
Hey, just checking out the uniform!
We have to look sharp, don't we?
We are the Time Force Rangers, after all.
Lucas! 
Your reflection!
What's going on? 
What's happening?
Wait, hey!
What happened?
Where'd he go? 
Lucas!
Guys! 
Are you okay?
- Trip! 
Are you hurt?
- No. 
I'm fine.
Where are we?
Where am I?
Where is everyone? 
Oh, no.
I must be inside the mirror.
I've got to find the others!
So what happened to Wes?
Did he get pulled in here, too?
Good job, Miracon!
Thank you, sir. 
Trapping them was so simple! 
Ehaha.
The Rangers, will have to destroy all of the mutants to get out of there.
Nehaha! 
Which isn't going to happen!
See ya, Miracon.
Guys, we've got to figure out how to get out of here!
Yeah, Jen's right.
Hahaha! 
You're not going anywhere!
Redeye? 
Hey!
We captured you already!
Not in the Mirror World!
Pathetic Rangers!
Now you're on my turf!
Okay, you got me! 
I give up!
Psych! 
Loser!
Katie! 
You can't trust her!
So I see.
Face it, Rangers!
I'm stronger than ever.
There's no way you can beat me.
We'll see about that!
Wes! 
Where were you?
Hey, guys!
I was stuck in another mirror.
I'm glad you're okay.
Wes, do you know how we can get out of here?
There are mutants in the other mirrors just like here.
To get out, we have to destroy them all.
Don't waste your time worrying about those other mutants!
You'll never get past me!
Vortex Blaster, online!
Ready? 
Fire!
Welcome to my mirror, Rangers!
Stop right there!
Oh, I'll stop... when you're destroyed!
Oh, I don't think so!
- V-5!
- V-4!
That was only a small sample of my firepower.
I thought you Power Rangers would be more of a challenge for me!
So, do you admit defeat?
- What?
- We'll never give up!
- You can't beat me.
- That's what you think!
This ought to be fun!
Time Strike!
We're in the next mirror!
Alright, who's next?
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Angelcon, and my friends and I will be happy to have you in our mirror... forever!
Cyclobots, arise!
Let's do it!
How dare you strike me?
You'll pay for that!
Chrono-Saber!
Full Power!
This should be the last mirror.
He's got to be around here, somewhere!
You may have done well in the other mirrors, but you won't here!
Wes! 
Behind you!
Quantum Power!
- Thanks, Eric!
- Right.
Let's just get out of here.
I don't think so! 
This is one mirror you won't get out of!
Quantum Defender!
Chrono-Saber!
- What?
- Impossible!
Silly Rangers! 
You have no idea who you're dealing with, do you?
In my Mirror World, anything is possible, for me!
No more games!
Time to finish you! 
Hmhm!
Fire!
Trip! 
Katie!
Guys!
There's absolutely nothing you can do... to defeat me!
That's what you think.
Wes!
Ya just don't learn!
Is that all you've got!
This is almost too easy!
Alright, Eric. 
We've got to give him the double-team.
Let's stick it to him!
Time Strike!
Blade Mode!
Circuit!
Say no more, Wes!
Prepare Time Flyers for launch.
Launch in 10... 9...
What's happening?
He's reversing the Time Shadow's polarity! 
It'll turn against us!
Time Shadow! 
Stop!
What?
Quantasaurus, arise!
Q-Rex! 
Megazord Mode!
Fire Missiles!
Even with your Zords, you don't stand a chance against me!
We'll just see about that.
Q-Rex Punch!
- What're you doing?
- Just trust me.
It worked! 
You changed him back!
Now, let's get down to business!
Freeze Lasers!
All right, the mirrors are gone!
We're back!
Good job, everybody!
It's Miracon! 
I'll take care of 'em.
You're under arrest.
That's one mirror I'm glad we broke.
Mirror, mirror... 
Tell me true!
Who's looking, simply... faboo?
Uhh, you are!
Miracon? 
Is that you?
No! 
It's me, Gluto! 
Hehe.
I think ya look faboo!
Houze about a date? 
Uheh.
As... if!
Is date year final anwser?
Hehe. 
Ohhh...
What are you doing, Daddy?
Daddy's going hunting... 
Yaaah!
For Frax! 
I haven't forgotten...
how he tried to destroy me!
He can only hide... for so... 
long.
Then... it will be time to pay.
Hehehahaha!
Hehehahahheheh.
Hey, Romeo!
I got you something.
I'm... sorry, about the other...
No thanks. 
I never want to see another mirror, as long as I live.
Oh, come on, that's such a silly superstition! 
Just...
I don't care, just keep it away from me!
Lucas, just take it!
No! 
I... 
Katie, no.
Oh, no!
Lucas... 
That's another seven years!
Checkmate.
Captioned by Grantman Brown

Frax.
You think us robots are merely slaves to do your bidding?
But no matter how loyal we are, or how hard we fight for your empire, you still treat us like... junk metal.
- Never!
- RANSIK: 
Frax!
- [ gasps ] 
- Get in here, right away.
Ransik. 
What has happened?
- [ gasping ] 
- My serum.
Oh, yes. 
Right away.
Come on.
Stupid serum.
One day, I'll get my revenge and, then, I'll just...
- Oh.
- [ giggles ]
Give me that. 
Daddy?
- I'll take this.
- [ gasps ] [ groaning ]
- Here, Daddy, drink it.
- Oh.
I know the perfect mutant to Reanimate.
[ laughs ]
It's hidden in the X-Vault, which only I have the key to.
I'm sure Ransik will have no trouble remembering this one.
[ creature growling ] [ bites ]
- [ laughs ] - [ groans ] [ screaming ]
See if you can find out what happened here.
What?
[ laughing sinisterly ]
Daddy, your mutant has the whole city on the run.
What mutant?
I haven't sent a mutant to attack the city yet.
Well, someone did.
I'll bet I know who it is.
- [ screaming ] 
- It couldn't be.
What is it, Daddy?
- Venomark.
- What's wrong, Daddy?
- He's just another mutant.
- Wrong.
Venomark and I have a long history.
[ gasping painfully ]
Venomark attacked me one dark, rainy night.
The pain from his bite was so immense
I couldn't even cry out for help.
As his venom rushed through my veins my flesh began boiling and mutating right before my eyes.
It surely would have been the end of me had not a most foolish and naive doctor stopped to help me.
[ groaning ]
Give it to me.
Here. 
Drink this.
- [ thunderclaps ] 
- It's not safe here.
- Take him to my lab.
- [ thunder rolling ]
[ raining, wind blowing ] [ moaning softly ]
- Where am I?
- In my laboratory.
I'm Dr. Lewis Ferricks.
You're very lucky I came along.
Venomark-- he bit me.
Yes... 
I'm afraid he did but my serum saved you.
[ low rumbling thunder ]
So it did. [ laughs ]
But, unfortunately, your DNA is different.
You'll have to keep taking it or the attacks will destroy you.
Why would you, a human, help me, a mutant?
Humans, mutants, robots-- it makes no difference to me.
I just live here peacefully building my... mechanical friends.
[ laughs ] Robots are a waste of metal.
Hmm. 
Actually, they can be quite useful.
Maybe as slaves.
What are you doing?
Is this all the serum you have?
- Yes, but you musn't...
- [ roaring ]
You're as foolish as your robots.
[ laughing sinisterly ] [ laughs manically ]
And that was the last I ever saw... of Doctor Ferricks.
With this, I am safe from Venomark...
But he is not safe from me.
When I find him, it will be payback time!
- Come on.
- Come on, over here, over here.
Oh... 
I'll get it.
[ laughing ]
[ groaning ]
Jimmy!
Look out!
Stay behind me.
- Run for safety.
- Everybody, clear out.
- Hurry!
- Go!
[ grunting ] [ groaning ]
He's fast.
Let's see if he can outrun this.
He dodged it.
[ groaning ]
No! 
[ groaning ]
Jen!
- No!
- [ moaning ]
Hang on, guys.
Relax, Ranger. 
It'll only hurt forever.
Ransik?
- You!
- Ransik?
- I thought I destroyed you!
- You will wish you had.
Oh, yeah?
[ roars ]
No, no, please.
- [ groaning ] - [ laughing ]
Ransik... no!
[ screams ] [ groaning ]
[ moaning ]
What?
That serum...
It cured him.
Venomark! 
[ yells ]
I didn't know Ransik was still alive.
- FRAX: 
Venomark.
- Huh?
What is this nonsense I hear you mumbling?
Ransik's still alive.
I just fought with him.
Don't worry about Ransik.
I'll take care of him.
You destroy the Rangers.
But if Ransik finds me again, he'll destroy me.
- I can't beat him.
- Don't worry.
- How can you say, "Don't worry."?
- I'm going to destroy Ransik.
I am history!
- [ coughing ] 
- I feel so helpless.
- [ all groaning ] 
- Trip, keep this on your head.
- [ moaning ] 
- Katie, you have to lay down.
[ man on TV ] Stay off the streets.
Go straight to your homes...
- [ groans ] 
- Jen...
- We've got to stop that mutant.
- Shh. 
I'll handle it.
- TV: 
We're just how getting a line open.
- Shh.
I'm going to switch you over to our location... you need to rest.
We are on the scene at community hospital.
Reports are coming in from all over the city.
Hospitals are full.
Doctor are baffled and see no cure in sight for these ailing victims.
Police are asking that everyone stay indoors since the mysterious attacker is still on the loose.
I found him!
It's a mutant called Venomark.
- He's from the X-Vault.
- All right, now what about his bite?
- How do we cure it?
- Sorry, Wes, there's no data for a cure.
[ groaning ]
Maybe that's it.
- Sorry, sorry.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Where you going?
- I need to see my father.
He's busy with the Silver Guardians. 
Come back later.
No. 
It can't wait.
In case you haven't heard, the city is under attack.
I know. 
That's why I'm here.
My friends have been bitten.
- MR. COLLINS: ...probably in neglinible.
- [ clearing throat ] Sir.
- Excuse me, please, gentlemen.
- Yes, of course.
- Dad, I need your help.
- You don't come around here for months and when you do show up, you ask for a favor?
Okay, son.
What do you want from me for?
This isn't about me.
It'a about the whole city.
Everybody's sick.
This serum... it could cure them.
- Where'd you get that?
- That is not important.
But what is important is that only bio lab has the technology to reproduce it fast enough to save lives.
Well, but if it works...
- This could be a gold mine.
- [ shouting and talking ]
All right, westside hospitals.
North park area.
South complex. 
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
[ groaning ]
Trip, drink all this.
Lucas, here, you have to finish this.
Katie, drink all of this.
Here you go.
You have to drink all of this.
Let's go save the city.
[ siren wails ]
WOMAN: 
Doctor, it's an emergency, quick!
All right, one at a time.
Please, stay calm.
Here, drink this.
- [ both grunt ] - [ moaning ]
Here, take charge. 
Excuse me.
- MAN: 
Got it.
- [ gasping ]
Oh, thank you, young man!
- [ yells ] - [ groans ] [ growling ]
You're next, military boy!
[ yells ]
Time Force.
You're under arrest, Venomark!
I beat you once before.
I can do it again!
- Not going to happen.
- I'll take this one.
- He's all yours.
- Quantum Power!
[ growls ]
- Now it's my turn.
- [ all yell ] [ laughs ]
I see you were transporting serum for my venom.
You know I can't let you do that.
Megabattle mode. [ battle cry ] [ snarls ] [ growls ]
Jen, wait.
- [ wheels screeching ] 
- That's far enough.
- [ growls ] 
- Fire!
- [ groaning ] 
- Give it up, Venomark.
You're in big trouble now!
- [ roaring ] 
- Circuit!
They're on their way.
Q-Rex, Megazord mode.
[ sinister laughter ]
All right, let's get this over with.
Megazord Saber! 
Blizzard slash!
[ grunts ]
- [ howling ] 
- Q-Rex lasers.
[ yelling ]
WES: 
It's okay. 
You'll be fine.
[ laughing ]
- Take care.
- Thank you.
Everyone's going to be okay thanks to you.
[ glass crunching ]
[ gasps ]
Can you believe it?
It looks like someone's destroyed all your precious serum.
When I'm done...
tearing you apart...!
- Ah ah ah!
- Uh...
A stupid, useless robot like me might accidentally drop
- your last vial.
- Be calm, my old friend.
We're both on the same side.
Humans!
- Humans are our enemies!
- Humans are your enemies!
I should know. 
I was human when you destroyed me!
- What?
- Yes.
I am what remains of Dr. Ferricks.
You thought you destroyed me when you destroyed my laboratory.
Well, you almost did. 
But I survived.
I was injured beyond hope, barely alive.
With my life fading fast there was only one way I knew to survive.
I wouldn't have made it had I remained in my human form.
So, I rebuilt myself using the technology I had pioneered.
I transformed myself into one of the stupid robots you so despise and I made a vow to one day get revenge!
[ laughing manically ] [ chuckles ] I've waited a long time for this day.
I showed you kindness, and you showed me hatred.
Well, today the doctor is going to give you some of your own medicine.
- [ cackling ] - [ yells ]
- Oops.
- [ gasps ]
That was the last vial.
[ screams ]
[ growls ] [ screaming ] Help me!
Captioned by Grantman Brown

What are we going to do?
We have no money.
- We have no food.
- Yeah, how are we going to survive?
Ha ha, I got one! 
I got one!
I... 
I got one! 
Look!
Grab your stuff! 
Come on, I found a place for you to live!
It's probably some place really cool!
I mean, you should see the mansion he lives in!
Well, there it is! 
Home sweet home!
My dad owns this building...
No one uses it anymore.
Hey! 
Isn't there an elevator?
Yeah, right! 
Just wait, it's worth the climb!
You'll see.
Watch out for all this junk.
So it's great, huh?
What a... dump.
- It is pretty dirty.
- We can't live here!
Look, you guys!
From up here we can see everyone. 
But no one can see us.
- Wow!
- It's perfect.
- I guess we can make it work.
- Let's turn this place into a home.
Wow! 
This place is cool!
- Will you quit that?
- Sorry.
Man, these bugs are eatin' me alive.
Where'd you hide the bug spray, Mr. Louisiana Sportsman?
It's over on the boat, city boy.
Take some of mine with ya.
Nah. 
I'll find it.
Good docking job, y'all.
Couple real pros.
Excuse me. 
Get out of my way!
Time to announce our arrival, and tell this city who the real boss is now!
- Yes, but how, Master?
- I'm trying to watch my show...
Nadira, you're starting to act like everyone in this time period.
- They all watch television!
- Exactly.
Which is why we'll broadcast my arrival on television.
Frax! 
Get me some help.
Ha ha! 
Fearog, time to rejoin us for some dirty work! 
Begin.
Ha ha ha ha!
Ooh, I'm under attack!
- Anybody else?
- Calm down, we're on the same side!
My bad, I thought they were Time Force. 
Sorry. 
Heh heh.
Okay, pull!
Step aside.
Super-strength does come in handy.
I've been thinking, guys.
If you want people to think you're from here?
You have to dress the part.
- Yeah!
- Wow! 
You look cool!
One last detail.
I don't know if the public is quite ready for a Xybrian yet.
Hi!
Wow! 
You look... great!
Mmmmmm!
Come on, Wes. 
We'll bring back something to eat.
I know my dad's rich, but I don't want to go to him for money.
This is something I want to do on my own.
Uh... can I help you?
This is 'Nick of Time Odd Jobs', isn't it? 
I want to hire you.
Look! 
This was an odd jobs shop.
- I'm sorry, but we're not-- 
- We'll do it!
Whatever it is.
As long as it pays.
Yeah! 
Odd jobs...
are our specialty. 
I guess.
- Looks good, huh?
- Um, not really.
You need some more paint and a roller.
Oh, man...
I guess I'm not used to manual labor, huh?
It's okay.
I'll go out and get more paint.
Never mind me, I'm just an average, ordinary painter.
Yep, love to paint.
How do you like my manicure?
And the weekend looks sunny and warm!
We interrupt this broadcast for some late-breaking news.
People of Silver Hills, listen and listen well.
Your city, your lives, all that you know and love, no longer belongs to you.
It belongs to me.
Rangers! 
Look at the TV!
Surrender, or be defeated!
This is a sample of what is in store.
You have one hour to surrender.
Ah. 
We have a visitor.
Wes? 
Wes!
Ransik just broadcast a threat to the city!
He'll destroy it in an hour unless they surrender!
Broadcast!
Can you trace the signal?
He's in the Simon Tower, near downtown.
- Do you know where that is?
- Do I know?
I'm standing in it right now!
We're on our way!
An hour from now, your entire dreadful city will be mine.
How could you?
Those are innocent people, and they haven't done anything to you.
So.
They haven't told you who I am.
How I got here.
Well, you have a little time left.
Let me tell you all about those innocent people.
It took decades of research, but genetic perfection was finally achieved.
Soon every human would benefit from science's dazzling success.
In the year 3000, every baby born would have perfect DNA, with all the perfect attributes their parents picked out for them, and the added bonus no disease, ever.
Then one day...
something went wrong.
But science is a mysterious thing.
Every organism has a deep instinctual impulse.
The impulse to survive.
And as the world above dreamed of perfect DNA, their nightmare a mutant was born.
Unfortunately, the future isn't very accepting of imperfection.
I was shunned by everyone who saw me, an outcast.
I gathered every other wretched creature and formed an army of criminals that terrorized the city.
With that kind of power, I would have dominated the year 3000, if it weren't for your Time Force police!
So you came here, to get your revenge before
Time Force even existed. 
But you didn't count on being followed.
- There's cyclobots everywhere.
- We must be close.
Let's go!
Look! 
It wasn't right for people to turn away from you.
But revenge is never the answer.
Destroy him!
Fearog's out of the hold.
Wes, are you all right?
- Uh-huh. 
Thanks guys.
- Katie?
Gladly.
- Come on!
- This one's mine.
Time for... 
Time Force!
Can't let him get away!
Fearog!
Your bullying days are over!
Let's do it! 
Time Blasters!
Fire!
- Is that all you've got?
- Don't believe it!
I'm taking this battle up a level, Rangers! 
Ha ha!
- Whoa... 
He's bigger than the last guy!
- Circuit, we need help!
You've got it! 
Time Fliers, on line!
Now it's our turn!
Time blaster!
Megazord, mode red!
Deploy saber!
Time Force Megazord saber, full power!
Activate now!
- See ya.
- Your time's up!
A job well done.
I'm going to recommend your shop to all my friends.
- Good day!
- Thank you, come again!
- Somebody order a pizza?
- Yeah!
Ransik told me his story, of how he arose from an accident in a DNA lab.
In a way, I almost feel sorry for him.
Look, don't let him fool you.
People did try and help him but he turned them away.
He wants power, and he'll do anything to get it, and we've got to stop him.
He's evil.
Through and through.
Okay.
- Here it is!
- All right!
To Nick of Time Odd Jobs.
Looks like we're open for business!
Cheers!
Captioned by Grantman Brown

Ladies and gentlemen!
Gather around, gather around.
Are you tired of being a weakling?
Hate lifting those heavy weights?
Wait, Katie, wait!
What's goin' on here?
Well, I've got the answer to all your problems!
I dunno, let's check it out!
Thank you, for giving me a moment of your valuable time, my dear friends!
Trust me when I say, if you join the Super Strong Gym,
I guarantee, you will be strong as an ox!
Yeah, right! 
I've tried everything to build up my muscles and nothing works.
You're just another rip-off!
Ahh, a nonbeliever.
Sir! 
How would you like to try a sample, of my super strong protein drink?
Drink this, and I guarantee you, will lift that weight... with ease!
I did it!
There you have it!
That's as strong as you, Katie!
That can't be!
You can sign me up!
I want to join, I wanna join!
Here you are, sir.
There you are, ma'am!
Here you are. 
Eeverybody joins!
Plenty of room, don't you worry, everybody joins!
Sign right up! 
Here we go!
I used to dream that, one day... that would Alex and me.
But now I'm not so sure.
Alex has changed so much...
and so have I.
Nowadays Alex isn't in my heart the way he used to be.
But someone else is...
Ohh, who am I kidding?
I am never gonna be like Alex.
Time Force hotshot!
No wonder Jen loves him.
Then again... 
The guy came all the way here... and treated her like a stranger!
Yeah, well, maybe I do have a chance!
What're you doing?
Nuh... nothing! 
Heh.
Hey, Jen...
There's something I wanted to talk to you about.
Really? 
There's something I wanted to talk to you about, too.
Oh! 
Well.... why don't you go first?
Oh, no! 
No. 
You go first. 
Heh.
Well, uhh.... no! 
You go first.
No! 
Hehehe, really!
Somebody go first.
You're both driving me crazy!
Well, I was just gonna ask, if...
Hey! 
Guys!
We just saw the weirdest thing!
What happened?
Some guy is telling people he can make them super strong.
We saw this... 
little guy, step out of the audience, take a sip of some weird drink, and then lift 500lbs!
Maybe... two of us should go in undercover and check it out!
I'll go!
How about if... 
Jen and Wes go?
But, I wanna go undercover!
Trip, Trip, Trip...
I think Jen and Wes should go.
Don't you?
Wonderful! 
Don't waste a drop! 
Ehehe!
Remember, you must drink your protein drink if you want to get stronger...
stronger!
Excellent, Mr. Feeney!
I think your training is complete.
Up we go...
Hi! 
We're interested in joining!
Sure! 
If you and your... girlfriend...
Ohh! 
She's not my...
No! 
I'm... not, his girlfriend.
Oh. 
I see Well! 
Just fill this out...
- I'm Theresa.
- Oh. 
Hi!
I'm... 
Albert.
Ooh... 
Albert. 
You don't need a gym!
You're already super strong.
Heheheh! 
Huh?
How about I help you with the application?
Okay.
Mmm-hmm. 
That's where your name would go.
- Albert.
- Theresa.
- This your first time joining the gym?
- Mm-hm.
Well, you're gonna be amazed at the difference it's going to make!
- You wanna be strong, don't you?
- Mm-hm.
Hehe, okay. 
And you wanna look good, don't you?
Mm-hm.
- You wanna impress the chicks, don't you?
- Mm-hm.
Well, you get all that and more, just by joining our program!
Ehehe. 
Umm, don't go away, Albert.
I'll be right back.
1, 2, 3, 4! 
1, 2, 3, 4!
They're turning everybody in robots!
Wonderful! 
Soon, my robot army will be big enough to take over the entire city.
This is working perfectly!
We had an unwelcome visitor!
Oh, where are your manners, Mr. Mechanau?
This young lady is very welcome!
Who better to join my army, than a Power Ranger?
I used to be a human, too, you know?
But, being a robot's not too bad!
Once you require a taste for it.
Muhahahahaha!
Excuse me, sir!
Hi, I'm, umm, looking for my friend.
Pretty girl, like this tall, and, uhh, long, long braided hair!
- She's your friend, huh?
- Yeah!
Yeah, I believe I've seen her.
Come with me.
No!
Don't fight it! 
It will be over before you know it.
Heheha. 
Huhahaha! 
Aheh!
Go on. 
Drink it! 
Huhahahahehehe!
Wes!
Hurry!
No!
Come on, let's go!
Don't let them get away! 
After them!
Are you okay?
What took you so long?
You couldn't tear yourself away from 'Theresa'?
Theresa? 
Wait a sec, you think I liked her?
Oh, no! 
Well, whatever would have gave me that idea, 'Albert'?
Hey, I had to make up a name!
And I suppose you had to let her 'feel your muscles', too!
Heh. 
What are you...
jealous, or something?
- Jealous?
- Uh-huh.
Of you?
I don't think so!
No! 
Don't hurt them.
They're not Cyclobots, they're humans.
Come on!
Okay!
Have you got any ideas?
Oh, I'm sure you can handle them.
You know, cause you're so 'Soooooo-per strawng'!
Whoa! 
Who did that?
I knew these guys were up to no good.
Thank you!
Okay, that's enough.
You should've joined my gym, Pink Ranger!
Then you may have been strong enough to fight me!
We'll see who's strong enough!
- Ready?
- Ready!
Time for... 
Time Force!
Quantum Power!
Meheheheh. 
Let me know when you've had enough!
Let 'em go!
- Are you guys okay?
- Never better.
We'll see about that!
Let's do it, Jen.
I'm with you!
Alex!
We need some help, right away!
Alex! 
Can you hear me?
What is it, Circuit?
See for yourself! 
Mechanau is too strong for the Rangers!
Jen.
You will regret crossing me, Pink Ranger!
We'll see!
Come on, guys! 
We gotta help Jen!
Wes! 
Listen, very carefully.
I can't be there myself.
So I'm counting on you.
I'm sending you a new weapon.
The Strata Cycle.
- You must protect Jen.
- Right!
Strata Cycle, ready for launch.
Don't worry, Alex.
You can count on me.
Strata Cycle, activate!
Launching Strata Cycle. 10, 9, 8...
All right!
Wa-how! 
Whoo! 
This is amazing!
You're first to go, Pink Ranger.
Yahahahaha!
Huh?
What is that?
Wow! 
Nice one, Jen!
Wow! 
It's incredible!
But, what is it?
I think we're gonna find out, soon enough!
You'll pay for that, Ranger!
Fire!
Wow! 
That was awesome!
Thanks, Wes! 
You and this new weapon saved the day!
What is this thing?
- This thing, is the Strata Cycle!
- Wow!
Nice flying!
I'm sure you'll really improve, too... 
With a little practice.
Oh, you're funny.
You haven't beaten me yet, Rangers!
Oh, no! 
Mechanau's back!
Circuit, we need help!
Right! 
I'm on it, Jen.
Time Flyers... online!
Launch Time Flyers.
Q-Rex, arise!
Oh, no!
That's what happens to showoffs!
I've gotta stop him!
Do it, Wes!
Time Target!
Fire!
Good job, Wes!
Hey!
Hi, Jen.
Listen, you really saved me out there today.
I wanna thank you for that.
I can't take all the credit.
Alex... sent me the Strata Cycle.
To help protect you.
I can see why you fell for him!
He's tough, but...
he's a really great guy.
Yeah, he is!
You and Alex make a terrific couple! 
Ehehe.
Really! 
You're perfect together!
Wes! 
Wait.
What I was trying to tell you before, is that... 
I... 
I, umm...
Ahh. 
Hi!
Hi! 
Uhh, can we help you?
Yes! 
I was... wanting to hire a personal trainer.
You know! 
To do some weightlifting and stuff.
Oh, we have just the people for the job!
- No, not me!
- Well, me either!
I've had enough weight training for one day.
Oh, come on.
You guys love working out!
- No.
- Working out?
Captioned by Grantman Brown

Quantum Power!
Tugh! 
There is more data in your Morpher, Eric.
I just can't access it.
Why not?
It's too advanced.
It's like the technology is years before its time.
Well, how can that be?
It came from an archeological dig.
Gotta go.
I so adore these latest fashions!
And such reasonable prices, too... free! 
Yaaaah! 
Hahahaha!
Nadira! 
What're you up to now?
What a bore. 
Cyclobots... get 'em!
Nadira! 
Hold it right there!
Are you finally ready to turn yourself in?
In your dreams!
Gotta go.
Hello, Rangers! 
Stop by to see how well I do my job?
Hey! 
Don't you mean do our job?
Whatever! 
All I'm trying to say is, you really don't need to... drop by.
Drop by?
Easy, Katie. 
He's just trying to get a rise out of us.
Just let it go. 
Come on.
If I were you, I'd let the whole Ranger thing go.
Soon, all the Quantum Powers will be unlocked.
The Silver Guardians will take over, and... you'll be obsolete.
What did he say?
Jen! 
Forget it. 
Come on.
I think we should tell Eric that we're from the year 3000.
Then, maybe he'll understand what we're up against, and work with us.
Lucas is right!
He's not such a bad guy.
I don't know.
If my father finds out that his Quantum Technology is from the future?
He'll exploit it for every dime.
That's a good point.
What do you think, Jen?
Should we tell him? 
Jen?
Conwing, at your service!
Conwing can do what no other mutant can!
And what is that?
I can control the Quantasaurus Rex!
Shows what you know, birdbrain!
The Q-Rex only responds to the Quantum Ranger's voice. 
Doi!
You're absolutely right!
Shows what you know, birdbrain!
I can imitate anyone's voice.
Double Doi! 
Hehehahaha!
He's brilliant! 
Ha! 
Hehehehe.
Alright, guys. 
Time for lunch.
Come on.
Hi! 
Can I talk to your birds?
Sure.
Hi, little birdies!
Are they best friends?
Yeah! 
I guess so.
That's nice!
Everyone should have friends!
We'd like for you to come for a ride with us.
And who are you?
Don't worry. 
You'll find out.
Hey, what's the deal, anyway?
What'd you want with me?
It's not you I want!
It's your Megazord!
Hehehehe! 
That's right!
Now, call the Quantasaurus!
Do it!
Oooh! 
How brave!
Maybe, I should go to your house, and pay your little friend...
a visit! 
It's up to you, Eric.
Don't mess with me.
I know it's voice-activated.
So, speak very clearly.
Q-Rex... 
Arise.
All right! 
Here, boy!
Q-Rex! 
Attack the city!
He only obeys my voice.
Oh... 
I knew that! 
Soooo....
That's why I brought this!
Huhuhahaha!
Q-Rex! 
Megazord Mode!
Our technology, from the year 3000, sure makes your weapons look silly, doesn't it?
The year 3000...?
Thanks for the voice lesson, loser!
Now I don't need you anymore! 
Heheheh.
So long, sucker!
Eric!
Oh, no, you don't!
Eric, no!
Don't worry! 
I got it!
You're gonna regret this!
Q-Rex! 
Come forth!
What? 
Huh?
He's using some sort of voice simulator that makes him sound like Eric!
Q-Rex, destroy the Rangers!
Circuit! 
We need help!
Shadow Winger, online!
Launch in 3... 2... 1...
You're gonna lose, so why don't you just surrender now?
Yeah, right. 
Attack!
Fire missiles!
I don't need your help!
Obviously, you do!
You would've drowned in the river if I hadn't pulled you out.
Well if you think I'm gonna thank you, you're wrong.
What's your problem?
We're not your enemies.
You're not my friends, either.
That's your choice, not ours.
Maybe if you'd lose that attitude you'd get to know us a little better!
But I doubt that'll happen.
I know more about you than you think!
I know that... you and your friends aren't even from here.
W... 
What're you talking about?
So, it's true.
You are from the future.
I'm sorry. 
Maybe, we should have told you we were from the year 3000.
If you only knew what's at stake...
The whole world, everything that we...
Save it. 
I don't wanna know about your problems.
I got my own.
Like gettin' my Morpher back.
You only care about yourself, don't you?
You don't know anything about me.
Do me one favor.
Don't tell anyone that we're from the future.
Especiaally Mister Collins.
It could ruin everything that we're working for.
I'm not making any promises.
Q-Rex, destroy the Time Shadow!
Excellent!
That's enough!
No one can defeat me with this!
Hehehe!
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!
Conwing!
You again? 
You must like to learn things the hard way!
Q-Rex, destroy him!
He's going after Eric!
Eric, run!
Huh? 
He's getting away!
Q-Rex! 
Stop!
Alright!
It's payback time.
And you're the one who's going to pay! 
Hehe!
Heh! 
And now for the city!
Eric! 
We've got to work together!
I work alone!
Quantum Power!
I'll handle this myself.
Eric, no!
Conwing!
You're too late!
Energy loss: critical.
What's this? 
I'm receiving some sort of transmission!
Energy loss: critical.
Mega Battle?
Mega Battle, Activate!
Battle Ready!
I'll save you!
Hehehah! 
Why save the birds when you can't even save yourself?
I don't think so!
Mega Battle, Aerial Mode!
Quantum Ranger!
You haven't seen anything, Conwing. 
Hyah!
Mega Battle Sword!
Time's up, Conwing!
Over there!
You're under arrest, Conwing.
Power Down!
Thanks, Eric.
Eric! 
We really need to start working together.
Well... would you at least think about it?
The Mega Battle gives Eric more power than ever!
Yeah. 
He's gotta start working with us!
I wouldn't count on it.
Nice work, Dr. Zaskin. 
The Mega Battle Mode's tremendous!
Uhh. 
Don't thank me.
I had nothing to do with it!
What, you... 
You didn't activate the Mega Battle?
And I don't know who did it.
Eric, do you have any new information?
No, sir! 
Nothing!
Here they are!
Oooh! 
I was wondering where they went!
I saved them!
Well, you're very brave! 
Thank you.
You're welcome!
You know... 
You can come visit them whenever you like.
Cool!
Captioned by Grantman Brown

All right.
Dr. Hammond! 
Dr. Hammond!
Dr. Hammond, we found something!
Right here, Doctor.
I think...
it's some sort of metal.
Give me my brush.
It's no metal I've ever seen before.
[ weeping ]
- BOY: 
Greetings, everyone.
- BOTH: 
Welcome back, Dex.
- Man, am I glad to see you.
- We all are.
Here, take a seat.
We saved you some dinner.
GIRL: 
Dad, you must be famished.
My show!
We interrupt this program with a special report.
Aah!
Deep in the Silver Hills, archaeologists have discovered a stranger energy box buried deep in the mountain.
Scientists have been unable to determine the age or origin of the object, but say that it was embedded within a layer of sediment that dates back to the jurassic period over 150 million years ago.
Scientists are reluctant to theorize how it got there...
That's from the Time Force.
Ha ha. 
Frax!
Hmmph!
Preparing Brickneck for reanimation.
Ready, and... begin.
Ha ha ha ha! 
Free at last!
- Ransik, how may I be of service?
- I need you to find something for me before anyone else.
- Gladly, but what is it?
- Ha ha ha.
- The powers of the Quantum Ranger!
- Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ah, ha ha ha ha!
Great find. 
Thank you.
Well done.
[ evil laughter ] Thank you for wrapping it for me.
WOMAN: 
Dr. Hammond!
Dr. Hammond! 
Dr. Hammond?
Excellent! 
Huh?
What now?
Halt! 
You're under arrest for trespassing!
- Put the box down.
- You've got to be kidding!
Fire!
Go, go, go! 
Leave it to us! 
Go!
- Grraah! 
Uhh!
- Ha ha ha ha!
Silly human.
You're out of your league!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
- Are you okay?
- I don't need your help!
Eric!
I tire of this game.
I must get back to Ransik.
Wait!
You'll never have this!
The Quantum controller doesn't belong to you! 
Give it up!
Don't make me laugh!
You're pathetic, Pink Ranger!
Oh, you may want this box, but you aren't going to get it or its contents!
Ransik is going to have the power of the Quantasaurus and the Quantum Ranger, and there's nothing
- you can do about it!
- Quantum Ranger?
It'll take more then you four to stop me!
No problem! 
Yaah!
I'll take this, Brickneck!
Aah!
- Wes!
- Oh, no!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Huh? 
This can't be. 
It's gone!
I'll have to find it later.
Wes! 
He's in bad shape.
We've got to get him back to the clock tower right away!
- Come on!
- Let's go. 
Hurry!
MAN: 
Eric! 
Eric! 
Where are you?
Eric!
The Quantum Ranger powers...
Sir, The Guardians are getting great press.
Phones are ringing off the hook with new clients.
Good.
We still don't have firewer to match the Rangers'.
If only we knew how their weapons worked.
Sir, your son's a ranger.
Maybe he could help us.
WES' VOICE: 
I don't want any part of your team.
You leave my son out of this.
Mr. Collins, sir!
I understand that Commander Porter was injured.
I'd like to take his place as leader of the Silver Guardians.
There is no one more loyal and dedicated than me, and I fight as well as your son...
the Red Ranger...
- if not better.
- I need someone I can trust.
You're in charge. 
Sir.
I don't know the first thing about you.
Excuse me.
[ thinking ] So, you're going to make it hard, are you?
Well, I'll prove to you who the leader should be.
TRIP: 
Is he going to be okay?
He was hit pretty hard, but he'll be fine.
We've got to find that control box before it falls into the wrong hands.
How did it get here anyway?
When Time Force first started experimenting with time travel, they sent the Quantasaurus Megazord and the Quantum controller back in time.
But something went wrong.
The controller and the megazord got serparated and were both lost somewhere in time.
So whoever finds the control box will control the Quantasaurus.
That's why we have to find the box first.
My tracking device tells me that we are very close.
It will soon be back in my possession.
My sensors detect a mutant at the Storage Depot.
The control box!
Where is everyone?
There'a mutant in the Storage Depot.
The others went there to find out why.
Don't go, Wes!
You're not strong enough!
The signal is peaking. 
I finally have the exact location of--
Power Rangers?
What are you doing here?
We were about to ask you the same question, Brickneck.
I'm here to reclaim some missing property.
- That's not your property to claim!
- We'll see about that.
You keep looking.
I'll dispose of the Rangers.
Hey, metalheads!
Hey!
Wes.
Give me the box, Eric.
You don't know what you have.
Give me the box and get to safety!
No way. 
It's mine!
Eric!
Huh? 
Whoa.
- Amazing.
- It's now or never.
Wes, hurry!
You've got to stop him before he has a chance to activate the morpher.
- Right. 
Eric, hand it over.
- It's too late.
- No one's stopping me now.
- Don't do it!
Eric, no!
Eric, you don't know what you're getting into.
Listen to me.
This is not about us!
Please don't do it.
Quantum Power!
Oh, no!
Huh? 
Eric?
Eric... is that you?
Yes, it is.
- Circuit, what can you tell me?
- Unfortunately,
I don't have any information on this ranger.
V-5, fire!
Jen, are you all right?
He's just too tough for us.
Don't give up, Katie.
No one's too tough for the Power Rangers.
Then let me introduce myself.
I'm no one, and I'm too tough for the Power Rangers.
- This can't be happening.
- Oh, but it is.
Who did that? 
Where are you?
Show yourself! 
Right now!
- Who is that?
- I don't know.
- He's on our side.
- I hope he's on our side.
Hey, look at that. 
It's Wes.
I don't know, but I don't think so, Katie.
Huh?
Another Time Force Ranger?
Listen and learn, Brickneck,
I'm not just any ranger not by a long shot.
- I am the Quantum Ranger.
- I don't care what you call yourself.
I'm calling you destroyed.
Cyclobots!
Give me a break.
- Jen, who is that ranger?
- I have no idea.
Guys! 
That's Eric.
He used the Quantum controller to become the Quantum Ranger.
- Computer, assess strategy!
- COMPUTER: 
Recommend blaster mode.
Quantum defender blaster mode!
These guys don't quit.
Blast mode! 
Now!
You may have been able to defeat the Cyclobots, but you're no match for me!
COMPUTER: 
Quantum Ranger, it is recommended you use freeze strike mode as the best possible defender
- for you to complete your mission.
- Sounds good to me.
Freeze strike mode!
Your time's up!
COMPUTER: 
Cryogenic freeze reconfiguration completed.
The Quantum powers are unbelievable!
But how is Eric going to use such power?
- Eric... are you all right?
- Never been better.
Captioned by Grantman Brown

You sent a robot to destroy the Rangers?
Please... 
I was only trying to capture the city for you!
Fool! 
Only a mutant has the power to destroy the Rangers!
All of you robots are useless!
What? 
Can it be?
The X Vault!
Ha hah!
It really does exist! 
Hehahaha!
X Vault, X Vault...
where could it be?
It's got to be around here somewhere!
Ahh! 
There it is! 
Yes!
All the rumors were true!
The most vicious were all locked up in the legendary X Vault!
Haha! 
Just the mutant I was hoping to find...
Oh, I miss you guys so much.
Hey, Katie! 
Here ya go!
Thanks!
Oh. 
You really miss your family, huh?
Sometimes, the only thing that keeps me going is knowing some day I'll see them again.
I never thought we'd be here so long!
Don't worry!
We're gonna make it home!
You're right.
You're absolutely right!
It's a shame the Raimei tank was destroyed!
It could've been a big help to us in this time period!
Circuit, run a check on weapons systems of 2001.
You got it!
Even though your dad's tank failed, the city might have other resources that can help us fight Ransik.
This is strange!
According to my databanks, Raimei never existed!
Never existed? 
How is that?
Until Ransik showed up, there was no need for Raimei to be invented!
But after he arrived, the city had to defend itself and the course of history was changed!
Then... all our futures could be altered!
You mean, our families...
our friends...
- everything might be different?
- Yes, that's very possible!
Hey, can we look on the bright side here? 
And who knows?
Maybe the future will change, and be even better!
I don't want it to be 'better'.
I want it just the way it was when we left.
Oh no, come on!
What's the matter?
- You don't like it here?
- It's fine here.
But it's your home. 
Not mine.
Hello? 
Anyone here?
It won't be long now, mutant!
Yes!
- Where's Ransik?
- Forget about him!
I released you from the X Vault!
If it weren't for me, you would be frozen for life!
There. 
Easy now. 
Here is what you are going to do!
That's right! 
Run away!
You puny humans are no match for me! 
Ahahahaah!
I almost forgot how much fun freedom could be! 
Yahaha!
The city will soon be mine! 
Hehe.
Mutant attack!
Let's go!
Katie?
What are you lookin' at?
Darn paparazzi!
This is too easy!
I need a challenge!
Let's go!
- Pink!
- Red!
- Blue!
- Yellow!
- Green!
- Time Force!
- What are you want?
- You're under arrest, Vexicon!
Why don't you make it easy on yourself and surrender peacefully!
And be locked up again? 
No way!
Don't say we didn't warn you!
Jen!
That does it!
Wes, are you okay?
Haha! 
You call this a challenge?
Time to take it up a notch!
V-Weapons!
Fire!
I don't believe it!
You can't stop me with those toys of yours!
I don't believe it! 
Our weapons didn't even scratch him!
We can't give up!
There has to be a way!
Think fast!
So long, suckers! 
Ha ha!
He's getting away!
I hope you're insured!
Time for a new game!
I'll give ya three seconds to get away!
3, 2, 1! 
Time's up!
No!
Wes!
Are you okay?
Uh-huh.
How about you two?
Good! 
Get to safety!
Hahahahaha! 
So you've come back for more, huh, Rangers?
Catch!
Silly Rangers! 
You have no idea who you're dealing with!
Come on!
He couldn't have gotten far!
I'm not going.
- What do you mean?
- What's the point?
The point? 
The point is we're here to capture Ransik!
I mean, come on! 
We're the only ones who can save the future!
Future?
We don't even know if we have a future anymore.
Don't you see?
We're out here risking our lives.
And for what?
Okay. 
I'll fight.
But first, you promise me that I'm gonna see my family again.
Promise me that I'll make it home!
Trip. 
Promise me...
the future will still be there.
I... 
I can't.
Hmm. 
Let's see. 
Who's next?
Ahh! 
You'll do!
This is too easy!
I have no idea what the future holds.
But I know people are in trouble now.
Time for... 
Time Force!
I promised Alex that I was gonna capture Ransik.
I'm not gonna break that promise.
Time for... 
Time Force!
We are going to bring you to justice!
No matter what it takes!
Come on, Lucas!
Let's do this together!
Something tells me that...
this is the right thing to do.
Time for... 
Time Force!
I feel like I have nothing to fight for.
Are you crazy?
It looks to me... 
like you have everything to fight for.
Time for... 
Time Force!
He's right! 
I've got more reason to fight than anyone!
So what's wrong with me?
I'm afraid I'll never get to go home.
I can't give up!
The only chance I have... is to fight!
All right, Katie!
I'll never let you guys down again.
- That's our Katie!
- Let's do it!
You're just prolonging the inevitable!
Don't give up, guys. 
It's up to us.
We can still bring 'em in!
Katie, he's just way too strong for us!
He's not... if we stick together!
Don't kid yourself, it's over!
- You ready, guys?
- Yeah! 
Let's do it!
V-Weapons! 
Lock on!
Those things again?
Don't you ever Learn?
Yeah, we learned you're going down!
Alright, then! 
Bring it on!
- Lemme have it!
- Now!
Fire!
Alright! 
Now that's what I call teamwork! 
Yeah!
All I can say is... it's good to have you back with us.
- Thanks, Lucas.
- Now let's put him back in deep freeze.
Vortex Blaster!
Lock On! 
Fire!
Circuit! 
We could use a little help about now!
Hold on, Wes. 
Help is on the way!
- All right, the Time Flyers!
- Yeah! 
Let's go!
Shadow Winger-- prepared for departure!
Whoa! 
What's that?
I'm not really sure, but...
I think it's the Time Shadow!
Full power!
- Oh no!
- The Saber!
- Wes, we need more power!
- You're right.
Let's change formation! 
Mode Blue!
Ohh! 
He just won't go down!
Our weapons just aren't strong enough!
Now what do we do?
Rangers, I've received new data!
You have the power to defeat this mutant right at your fingertips!
We do? 
But how?
You can combine the Time Force and the Time Shadow Megazords to form the Shadow Force Megazord!
Alright! 
Shadow Force Megazord, online!
- Amazing!
- Wow! 
This is incredible!
Shadow Force Megazord Saber!
Time Target!
Your time is up!
Do you think we'll ever make it back?
Of course we will...
as long as we don't give up.
The future's in our hands.
Where did you get this?
That? 
Um, well... 
I... you see, Ransik... 
I meant to tell you, umm...
He almost destroyed the Rangers. 
Hahaheheha!
Good job, Frax!
Thank you, sir!
I think I'm gonna be sick!
Keep this up, and I might even spare you from the scrap heap! 
Hahaha!
Thank you, sir!
It is my pleasure to serve you!
Spare me from the scrap heap?
That's what he thinks!
Little does he know that I have an ace up my sleeve!
Heh hehehe heh!
All the X Vault mutants are at my command!
This could be the key to my future!
Whoo! 
Easy, Circuit!
Not yet!
When? 
I'm starving!
Hey, you guys. 
I have something I want to say.
I know someday we'll make it back.
But, for now, I'm glad to say that...
This is my home, and, you guys are my family.
Captioned by Grantman Brown

- [ horse snorts ] 
- Give me the box.
I will never hand it over to the likes of you.
- [ neighs ] 
- Then you leave me no choice.
- [ snorts ] - [ thunder rumbles ]
[ snorts ]
[ neighs ]
- [ snorts ] - [ thunder crashes ]
Your pathetic crusade is over.
I told you-
- I will posses the box.
You cannot access the Battle Fire.
- Rrrgh!
- Oh!
Only one pure of heart can release its powers, and your heart is pure evil!
So true. [ evil laughter ] [ thunder rumbles ]
[ sighs ] Oh, Katie. 
Thank you.
I never want to see another mop as long as I live.
Oh, I am so hungry I could... eat this broom!
Don't. 
You're gonna need it again tomorrow.
We have another cleaning job, everyone.
Oh, again? 
Ohh.
All right.
We're on our way. 
Thanks.
- Trip, how 'bout pizza?
- Really?
- Oh, great! 
I love pizza!
- It'll be ready in 10 minutes.
Oh, and, uh...
- Thanks a lot for picking it up.
- Me?
- You!
- Wait-- 
- Great.
- Extra cheese.
That was so nice of you to offer to pick it up.
B-but I... didn't offer.
Trip do this and Trip do that.
Why do I always have to pick up the pizza?
[ beeping ]
- Trip, hurry up with those pizzas.
- [ muffled ] I'm going as fast as I can.
- Sounds like your mouth is full.
- No, no, no, no.
I'm just...
out of breath from hurrying.
- [ beeps ] - [ exhales deeply ] [ thunder crashes, horse neighs ]
Hyah! 
Uh! 
Hyah! 
Uh!
- Aaaahhhh!
- Whoa!
My hat!
Oh!
Uh! 
Oh!
- [ horse neighs ] 
- Aah!
Ahh... ohh!
[ exhales deeply ] I'm worried.
He's been gone too long.
I agree.
Let's send out a search party.
- We have to to find that pizza!
- Let's go.
- Whoa! 
Hey, you guys!
- Oh!
- All right, just give me the first piece.
- No, no.
[ all shouting indistinctly ]
Just listen! 
The most incredible thing just happened!
Hey, listen to me!
I was walking home and this...
Hello?
! 
Hi.
- What happened to the pizza?
- That's what I'm trying to say.
- I was attacked.
- Attacked?
- By who?
- By a knight.
- Y-you mean like on a horse?
- Right!
A-and he had on, like, this-- this black armor and-- and-- and a sword, like, this long!
[ laughs ]
Let me guess.
- He was after your pizza.
- Oh, I'm serious!
Look what he did to my hat.
You don't have to make up some ridiculous story.
- Just admit you dropped the pizza.
- But it's true!
Oh. 
Whatever you say.
- [ exhales sharply ] 
- Okay, that's enough.
Let's do find something to eat.
At last, the Battle Fire is mine.
[ growling ]
It seems I cannot open it by ordinary means.
I shall have to use force.
Aah! 
You will open!
Aah!
I must find one pure of heart to open the box.
See that nothing happens to it.
I will return soon.
Wow, that was the scariest movie I've ever seen.
Scary? 
Come on.
It was totally unbelievable.
Kind of like, uh, Trip's story about the black knight?
- [ laughter ] 
- Leave me alone!
- I'm telling the truth.
- [ horse neighs ] [ indistinct shouting ]
Come on!
- Let's go!
- [ evil laughter ]
- What?
- [ neighs ]
See? 
I told you.
- Who are you?
- That's none of your concern.
- Now, get out of my way, fools!
- Watch out!
- Wes!
- [ hoofbeats approaching ]
[ evil laughter ]
Hyah!
[ hoofbeats departing ]
Trip, why don't you try looking under medieval mutants?
[ computer beeping ]
There's no record of him in our database anywhere.
[ beeping ]
Whoever that knight is he isn't a mutant.
Mutant or not, we've got to stop him.
I have a feeling he'll be back.
But next time, we'll be ready.
Hyah!
Uh-- so... you mean you'd do anything for me?
Oh, absolutely. 
Anything.
Wait.
What if someone was trying to hurt me?
- They'd have to go through me first.
- [ laughs ] [ horse neighs ]
Look. 
Well, that's weird.
Aah! 
Aah!
- [ evil laughter ] 
- Aah!
Show your valor and fight for you damsel.
Go ahead. 
Let him have it.
- What, you think I'm crazy?
- You said you'd protect me!
- Yeah, but he's got the sword.
- Let's begin.
Call ya!
- Aah! 
Aah!
- Coward!
Stop! 
Hold it right there!
What do you want here?
I seek one to open the box, but first, I'll destroy you.
- Hyah!
- Hyah!
- Aah!
- Aah!
Let us test your skill.
Oh!
You are not a worthy opponent.
[ grunts ]
Oh, no! 
He's getting away!
Not if I can help it.
Strata Cycle online.
Hyah! 
Aah!
Where's he going?
- [ beeping ] 
- I can't believe it.
He vanished.
- Did you find anything?
- Nothing.
You guys should head back, keep an eye on the city.
I'm gonna stay here.
And if I'm right, when the sun goes down...
he'll be coming back.
Be careful.
All right, guys, let's go.
[ owl hooting ]
- [ hooting continues ] - [ exhales deeply ]
Don't worry, Jen. 
He'll be okay.
Why don't you let me watch for a while?
Thanks.
[ horse neighs ] [ armor clanking ]
Guys, he's heading for the city.
LUCAS: 
All right. 
We got you, Wes.
I'll alert the others.
So, what's the plan?
I'm gonna backtrack.
You guys go after him.
We're on it.
Guys, come on. 
Let's go.
[ owl hooting ]
[ growling ] [ roaring ]
[ panting ]
[ panting ]
- Hyah!
- [ growling ]
There he is! 
Come on, let's go!
[ motorcycles revving ] [ growling ]
- Aah!
- [ roaring ]
Hyah! 
Time for... 
Time Force!
- [ roaring ] 
- Chrono Saber!
- Hyah!
- [ roaring ]
- You're going down.
- [ roaring ]
Huh.
[ pulsating sound ]
Your pureness of heart and defeat of the Evil Dragon have proven you worthy to receive the Battle Fire.
With the use of my armor, you will become the Red Battle Warrior.
You and you alone will have the power to stop the Black Knight.
- All right, everybody ready?
- TOGETHER: 
Ready!
Let's get moving.
- Oh!
- Trip!
Arg!
- Aah!
You can't. 
They're all dead.
That's why I'm building a new barbershop.
Oh.
- Very interesting. 
Very interesting.
- Yes? 
Do you like it?
? 
[Newsreel Fanfare]
[Announcer] This is the Hynkel Stadium.
Before a half million spectators, the greatest display of arms the world has ever known... marches by in review.
Our beloved Phooey and II Dig-a-Ditchy are seated... in the reviewing stand, thrilled by this historic event.
What?
Nothing. 
I'm just chewing.
- Ah, yes.
- Would you care for some peanuts?
- Thank you. 
I've had some.
- Oh. 
Good shape. 
Here you are, Spook.
Now passing...
Tomainia's heavy artillery.
[Wheels Grinding]
It's all right.
I want to show you my new bombing planes.
I just called up a half hour ago to start 'em over.
- Where are they coming from?
- Aroma.
Aroma? 
That's 400 miles away.
That's right. 
They should be here now.
I don't know what's detaining them.
Now passing...
Tomainia's light artillery.
Hmm. 
That's very light.
And here come the armored tanks...
- the pride of Tomainia's army.
- [Tanks Wheels Grinding]
The latest design, the last word in modern warfare.
Wait a minute.
Where's the propellers?
- Propellers?
- Sure. 
For going under the water.
- Tanks that go under the water?
- Submarine work!
You never heard of aero-marine tanks that go under the water and then fly up-a-stairs?
- What's that?
- Tanks that go under the water and fly in the air.
Oh, yes. 
Those are obsolete now.
We're concentrating on flying dreadnoughts.
Flying dreadnoughts. 
Mmm.
[Airplanes Passing]
- What's that?
- My planes!
Now passing...
Hynkel's flying division number 34.
Our planes!
[Plane Crashes]
You're right. 
They're yours.
? 
[Orchestra]
Ah, Garbitsch.
The invasion of Osterlich.
It's all so simple. 
Our troops, tanks and guns will be hidden along the border.
To disarm suspicion, you will go hunting...
duck shooting or something.
At the appointed time, you will show up at the village of Pretzelberg... meet the army, step into an automobile and cross over into Osterlich.
Herring and I will be waiting at the capital to receive you.
First, Napaloni must remove his troops from the border.
That question will be decided tonight.
Where is Napaloni?
I'll see if I can find him.
In the meantime... it might be advisable for you to dance with Madam Napaloni.
Huh?
It'll carry weight.
You mean I will carry weight.
[Laughing]
You find him. 
Let me know at once.
? 
[Orchestra Continues]
- Madam Napaloni.
- [Chuckles] Your Excellency.
[Chuckles] Why so triste?
'Cause I no speak-a.
No? 
May I have the pleasure of this dance?
Oh, yes.
Allow me.
Madam, your dancing was superb.
Excellent.
Very good.
Good.
? 
[Fades]
[Chuckles]
- Ah, my dear Adenoid!
- Benzino!
I've been-a looking for you all evening.
What do you say we have a sandwich... go to some quiet little place where we can sit down and talk-a things over, huh?
- As you wish.
- An excellent idea! 
Gentlemen, to the buffet.
Of course. 
This way.
[Chattering]
- [Clapping] 
- Oh!
[Laughter]
[Shouts In Bacterian]
- There's an old Tomainian proverb.
- Mmm?
[Speaking Tomainian]
[Laughs] That's very funny! 
I wish I understand it.
Now, about the border situation.
- Ah, yes, yes. 
No problem.
- Oh, it should be no trouble at all.
- Shh, shh.
- Not at all.
- What's the matter?
- Wait.
[Clapping] Out!
You two, out!
Out.
- Out?
- Out.
- Out?
- Mm-hmm.
Out.
- [Door Opens] 
- As I was saying, about the border question.
- Ah, yes, yes, yes.
- Just a matter of detail. 
Mere formalities.
Strawberries.
Pardon me.
Have you English mustard?
- English mustard, Your Excellency.
- That's the hot-a stuff?
- Very hot.
- Ah, good shape, good shape.
- Cream.
- Cream, Your Excellency.
Now, Hynkie, as far as I'm concerned, I'm gonna make this very simple.
This is the treaty...
You agree not to invade Osterlich...
I agree not to invade Osterlich.
We sign-a the treaty, then I remove-a my troops from the border.
Good. 
In other words, when your troops are off the border, I sign.
- That's-a right.
- Very good.
[Exclaims] Oh, just a minute.
[Chuckles] You don't understand.
First we sign-a the treaty, then I remove-a the troops.
Precisely. 
I sign when your troops are off the border.
Just a minute.
Hey, Spook, treaty.
Hold-a this.
Now, look.
You a-sign this-a treaty a-first... then I remove-a the troops after.
- Well, what are we arguing about?
- You just said I remove-a the troops a-first.
You don't expect me to sign while your troops are there on the border?
You don't expect me to remove-a the troops until you sign?
- Why not?
- Why should I?
- Why shouldn't you? 
Osterlich is a free country.
- So?
Your soldiers are there, on the Osterlich border!
And they'll stay there until you sign this-a treaty!
- You'll take them off, or I'll blow them off!
- Mmm!
- Gentlemen, this won't get us anywhere.
- [Shouts In Tomainian]
Your Excellency, to quote an old Latin phrase...
[Shouts In Tomainian]
[Napaloni Shouting] He's a-right! 
Speak-a to him!
Strawberries.
Where's my-a sandwich?
Well, give me another one!
- Can't we sit down and discuss this...
- I'm a guest-a here.
Nobody talk to me in my own-a joint like that!
Can't we sit down and discuss this thing without passion?
I am not-a passionate.
I am-a just, that's all.
I want him to sign-a the treaty.
I'll remove the troops.
Can't you understand?
What would my people think... signing such a treaty when your soldiers are there on the Osterlich border?
I will not-a move a-soldiers until you-a sign!
Not until you clear that border will I sign anything.
- Then my soldiers remain!
- Then I kick them off!
One move-a from you, Hynkie, and my artillery take-a like this and blow you to pieces!
Yes, and my aeroplanes will bomb your artillery like that!
You want to start a world-a war?
I'll get you one!
You and the world!
I'll throw in the ocean!
- Mmm!
- Gentlemen, please!
[All Shouting, Indistinct]
- [Shouting In Tomainian] - [Shouting In Bacterian]
[Shouting Continues, Indistinct]
I'm-a coming home!
I cannot talk to this ignoramus!
Strawberries!
Your Excellency, we have a very important position...
- that I must urge upon you.
- [Speaking Tomainian]
- I know what you must...
- [Continues In Tomainian]
- [Garbitsch Continues, Indistinct] - [Continues In Tomainian]
If you would...
[Continues, Indistinct]
[Continues In Tomainian]
[Napaloni, Spook Shouting]
- [Gasping] - [Garbitsch Stammers]
- [Gasping Continues] 
- What's wrong?
I don't give a hoopy!
I got-a my guns here in the pass!
If he start-a something, I'll blow him to "passes!"
[Spook Chattering, Indistinct]
[Laughing]
[Garbitsch] Excellency, what's the matter?
What ails you? 
What has...
- Your Excellency, this isn't like you.
- Hey! 
What is the matter?
- Hey, Garbitsch, come here!
- [Hynkel Gasping]
What is the matter with-a Hynkie?
He's put mustard on his strawberries.
Mustard... [Laughs] What else-a can you expect from Hynkie?
[Both Laughing]
[Shouting]
II Dig-a-Ditchy!
- [Shouting Continues] 
- What? 
What's the matter? 
What?
- [Shouting, Gasping] 
- My little bambino!
[Shouting In Bacterian]
[Both Gasping]
- [Muffled Shouting] - [Panting]
[Muffled Shouting Continues] ...the Bacterian...
...Tomainia...
[Muffled Shouting]
You cannot treat-a the Bacterian people this way!
I'll take the Bacterian people and I'll tear them apart like this!
- Excellency, please!
- Look! 
Look what he's-a doing!
- It's an insult to my people!
- [Spook, Garbitsch Chattering]
Look, he's-a pulling spaghetti!
The spaghetti!
He either sign-a the treaty, or we have a war!
- Ooh!
- Listen! 
Listen!
Give me a-something! 
Quick!
Give me a-something! 
I want to...
- [Shouting In Tomainian] - [Shouting In Bacterian]
- But it's all right. 
I have an appointment.
- What's this?
I'm from the international press.
How's the conference progressing?
Very successfully. 
How did you get in?
Excuse me, will you?
- How did this man get in here?
- [Hynkel, Napaloni Shouting]
You know the regulations of the palace in regard to reporters. 
Go down to Captain Block.
Tell him not to allow anyone else to enter the palace under any circumstances tonight.
- You understand?
- Yes, sir.
[Shouting Continues]
Of course, there are minor details to be cleaned up, things that you must...
Excuse me. 
We're very busy.
[Both Shouting At Once]
- Oh!
- Gentlemen, please!
The press are outside. 
The whole world will know that we're fighting.
- So what?
- Can't we come to some agreement?
- Not until he-a signs!
- I sign nothing!
Your Excellency, I must speak to you alone.
- Do you mind?
- Mind? 
I don't a-mind!
- What is it?
- Sign. 
Sign.
Why should he have the advantage?
What does it matter, a mere scrap of paper?
The moment you sign, he'll take his troops off the border.
We can move in without losing a man.
I'll sign.
[Shouts] What?
Hold-a this!
Ah, my little Hynkie!
My-a dictator brother!
I knew we have-a no trouble!
Two prisoners escaped in officers' uniforms!
Officers tied up in the guard room!
Sound the alarm!
Two prisoners escaped! 
Come on!
[Alarm Wailing]
The planes are searching for us.
Let's make for the woods.
No. 
We must keep in the open.
The border's that way.
The invasion of Osterlich.
Now... or never.
[Ducks Quacking]
Ducks!
Did you hear that?
Came from over there. 
Come on.
[Shouts In Tomainian]
[Hynkel Spitting]
Da Blitzenl
[Hynkel Shouts]
Cheese and crackers!
[Tomainian] ... da Blitzenl
Ayodeler, huh?
Where'd you get that outfit?
- What?
- Don't answer back!
[Grunts]
Where's your partner? 
Where's Schultz?
You won't talk, huh?
- He'll talk when he gets into camp!
- Come on!
There it is...
the village of Pretzelberg.
[Barber] Pretzelberg.
If we can pass through there, we're safe across the Osterlich border.
- Couldn't we go through the woods?
- Of course not.
The woods are swarming with soldiers.
They'd suspect us at once.
We must face the music.
If you see anyone, don't look right or left.
We must bluff our way through.
Remember, you're a storm trooper.
Here they come.
Can you see what they're doing?
- They're looking this way.
- Well, pay no attention. 
Keep going.
They're beginning to follow us.
Shall we run?
Certainly not.
- Just a little bit?
- Keep walking.
We could walk a little faster.
Hmm? 
Make up your mind.
- [Barber] Perhaps we'd better slow down.
- No, no. 
Keep going.
- There's no hurry.
- Come on.
- What is it?
- He's here!
What? 
Bugler! 
Sound assembly!
- ? 
[Bugle] - [Whistle Blowing]
Company! 
Attention!
Present... arms!
- You don't want to change your mind and turn back?
- No, keep going. 
Keep going.
- Hail Hynkel.
- [Officer] Order... arms!
Your Excellency will be pleased to know that everything is under control.
- Good.
- Good.
I have been in continued communication with Marshal Herring in Osterlich, sir.
The route ahead of us is well-guarded.
And at the back of us are 200 tanks, 50 armored cars and 500 machine guns.
- Is that...
- Good.
- Good.
- Are we ready to start?
- Yes.
- Yes.
Gentlemen.
Schultz, I'm certainly happy to see you with us again.
Thank you.
[Door Closes]
- Where are we going?
- You're invading Osterlich.
[Whimpers]
[No Audible Dialogue]
[No Audible Dialogue]
[No Audible Dialogue]
[Hannah Screams] Mr. Jaeckel! 
Mr. Jaeckel!
- Hannah!
- Mr. Jaeckel, look, they're coming!
[No Audible Dialogue]
[Officer] Present... arms!
Hail Hynkel!
[All] Hail Hynkel!
Present... arms!
Your Excellency, the world awaits your word.
[Stifles Sob]
? 
[Drumming]
[Stifles Sob]
? 
[Drumming Continues]
? 
[Drumming Fades]
What's happened to him?
He looks strange.
And what's Schultz doing here?
Pardoned, I suppose.
Here.
Here.
[Officer] His Excellency, Herr Garbitsch...
Secretary of the Interior, Minister of Propaganda.
"Corona veniet delectis."
"Victory shall come to the worthy."
Today, democracy, liberty and equality are words to fool the people.
No nation can progress with such ideas.
They stand in the way of action.
Therefore, we frankly abolish them.
In the future, each man will serve the interest of the state with absolute obedience.
Let him who refuses beware.
The rights of citizenship will be taken away from all Jews and other non-Aryans.
They are inferior, and therefore enemies of the state.
It is the duty of all true Aryans to hate and despise them.
Henceforth, this nation is annexed to the Tomainian Empire... and the people of this nation will obey the laws bestowed upon us by our great leader... the dictator ofTomainia, the conqueror of Osterlich... the future emperor of the world.
You must speak.
I can't.
You must. 
It's our only hope.
Hope.
I'm sorry... but I don't want to be an emperor.
That's not my business.
I don't want to rule or conquer anyone.
I should like to help everyone, if possible...
Jew, gentile, black man, white.
We all want to help one another.
Human beings are like that.
We want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery.
We don't want to hate and despise one another.
In this world, there's room for everyone, and the good earth is rich... and can provide for everyone.
The way of life can be free and beautiful.
But we have lost the way.
Greed has poisoned men's souls... has barricaded the world with hate... has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.
We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in.
Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want.
Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind.
We think too much and feel too little.
More than machinery, we need humanity.
More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.
Without these qualities, life will be violent, and all will be lost.
The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together.
These very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men... cries out for universal brotherhood, for the unity of us all.
Even now, my voice is reaching millions throughout the world... millions of despairing men, women and little children... victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.
To those who can hear me I say, do not despair.
The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed... the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress.
The hate of men will pass, and dictators die... and the power they took from the people will return to the people.
And so long as men die, liberty will never perish.
Soldiers, don't give yourselves to brutes... men who despise you, enslave you, who regiment your lives... tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel... who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder!
Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men... machine men with machine minds and machine hearts!
You are not machines!
You are not cattle! 
You are men!
You have the love of humanity in your hearts.
You don't hate.
Only the unloved hate.
The unloved and the unnatural.
Soldiers, don't fight for slavery, fight for liberty!
In the 17 th chapter of Saint Luke it is written...
"The kingdom of God is within man."
Not one man nor a group of men, but in all men... in you!
You the people have the power... the power to create machines, the power to create happiness!
You the people have the power to make this life free and beautiful... to make this life a wonderful adventure.
Then, in the name of democracy, let us use that power!
Let us all unite!
Let us fight for a new world, a decent world... that will give men a chance to work... that will give youth a future and old age a security.
By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power.
But they lie. 
They do not fulfill that promise.
They never will!
Dictators free themselves, but they enslave the people.
Now let us fight to fulfill that promise!
Let us fight to free the world... to do away with national barriers, to do away with greed... with hate and intolerance.
Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress... will lead to all men's happiness.
Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite!
[Crowd Cheering]
Hannah... can you hear me?
Wherever you are, look up, Hannah.
The clouds are lifting.
The sun is breaking through.
We are coming out of the darkness and into the light.
We are coming into a new world, a kindlier world... where men will rise above their hate... their greed and brutality.
Look up, Hannah.
The soul of man has been given wings... and at last he is beginning to fly.
He is flying into the rainbow... into the light ofhope, into the future... the glorious future... that belongs to you, to me... and to all of us.
Look up, Hannah. 
Look up.
Hannah, did you hear that?
Listen.

At the end of the World War Tomainia weakened.
Revolution had broken out, her diplomats sued for peace while Tomainia`s army fought on, confident its war machine would smash the enemy`s lines.
Big Bertha, able to fire 100 miles, appeared on the Western Front, striking terror into enemy hearts.
75 miles away was her target:
the cathedral of Notre-Dame.
Range: 95,452.
Stand clear!
Fire!
Stand by your trigger!
Range correction: 95,455.
Breach secured.
Stand clear.
Ready... 
Fire!
Defective shell. 
We`ll examine it.
check the fuse.
Yes, the fuse.
Look out! 
Run!
- Air raid.
- After Big Bertha.
The anti-aircraft gun!
To the gun!
Have you gone crazy?
come down!
What do you think you`re doing?
Have you gone crazy?
Sir, the enemy has broken through.
Every man to the front.
Muster the gun crew!
Get your hand grenades, soldiers.
Where`s your hand grenade?
Give him one.
Keep moving. come along, hurry up!
Pardon me, but how do you...
Pull the pin, count to ten and throw it!
Let `em have it!
This is no time to scratch!
Pull yourself together.
Take this.
Forward!
Fall in!
Hey you, come on!
Order arms!
Prepare to attack.
Forward!
There you are!
The enemy!
come on, let`s get him!
May I come in, Sir?
- Who is it?
- Friend.
- What division?
- 21st artillery, Sir.
Take this and keep firing.
I`ll be back.
comrade! 
Help!
I`m exhausted.
Quick, help me to my plane.
Thank you. 
I`ll see you get the Tomainian cross for this.
Only too willing to oblige, Sir.
You saved my life. 
Thank you.
I`ll strap you in.
I can`t make it alone.
You`ll have to stay with me.
can you fly?
I can try.
Lift my hand to the stick.
I haven`t the strength.
Take charge of that gun!
The enemy!
Quick, lift my hand to the throttle.
We`ll fool `em!
Hold on to these dispatches.
If we get them to Gen. Schmelloffel,
Tomainia may yet win.
I`m going to faint.
Don`t say that.
Sorry.
Where am I?
Don`t you know me?
Yes, I feel better now.
The blood`s returning to my head.
What`s below?
Looks like the sun!
Shining upwards.
Strange. 
How`s the gas?
Kept me awake all night.
No, the gasoline in the tank!
Almost empty.
We must be nearly there.
What time is it?
Approximately one minute to twelve.
Strange.
We seem to be defying the laws of gravity.
Water. 
Quick, I`m going to faint.
Wait a while.
We`ll get into trouble if you faint any more.
Just hold it.
I think I... 
Now...
Take it!
Something`s wrong.
I can`t reach it.
It`s all gone.
What`s the matter?
Belt`s too tight.
Loosen it.
I`m trying to!
We`re upside down.
I know it!
The stick!
Impossible.
There it goes. 
We`re out of gas.
Well, I suppose this is the end.
cigarette?
Not now!
I shan`t need this any more.
What month is it?
April. 
Spring in Tomainia.
Hilda will be in the garden, tending the daffodils.
How she loves daffodils!
She`d never cut them for fear of hurting them.
It was like taking a life to cut a daffodil.
Sweet, gentle Hilda.
A beautiful soul.
She loved animals, and little children, too.
We`ve landed! 
Dispatches!
comrade, where are you?
The dispatches... 
Where are they?
- Are you hurt?
- Take me to General Schmelloffel.
If we don`t deliver these, we`re defeated.
- The war`s over.
- What?
We lost.
Hynkel takes power.
The Jewish soldier suffered a loss of memory and was in the hospital for years, unaware of the change in Tomainia.
Hynkel ruled the nation with an iron fist.
Under the double-cross emblem liberty was banished.
Only the voice of Hynkel was heard.
Adenoid Hynkel said,
"Tomainia was down but today has risen."
"Democracy is fragrant,"
"Liberty is odious."
"Freedom of speech is objectionable."
"Tomainia has the greatest army."
"The greatest navy."
"But to remain great we must sacrifice."
"We must tighten our belts."
He now speaks to Field Marshall Herring, Minister of War.
Now Herr Garbitsch, Minister of the Interior.
He recalls his early struggles, shared by his two loyal comrades.
He just referred to the Jewish people.
The Phooey concludes that for all others, he has only peace in his heart,
We now pause for station identification.
This is the Pari-Mutual network, bringing you
Hynkel`s address to the children of the double-cross.
The interpreter is Hynkel`s personal translator, reading from a prepared manuscript,
Stand by for further commentary.
Go ahead, Tomainia.
His Excellency is about to descend the stairs.
Your Excellency, are you hurt?
Ride in the other car.
His Excellency seems pleased as he is greeted by Tomainian children.
He pauses before a woman with a child.
camera!
Even the baby is thrilled and is all smiles at the attention.
His Excellency leaves the scene and will return along Hynkelstrasse, where he`ll pass Tomainia`s modern masterpieces:
the Venus of Today and the Thinker of Tomorrow.
- How was it?
- The speech?
Very good.
Your reference to the Jews might have been more violent.
To arouse the people`s anger.
Violence against the Jews might take the public`s mind off its stomach.
You`re right. 
Things have been quiet in the Ghetto lately.
Good morning, Mr Jaeckel.
What`s good about it?
conditions could be worse.
If you think so, you have a great imagination.
You heard Hynkel`s speech.
I heard nothing.
I`ve got my own troubles.
You`re better off than a lot of people.
What about the barber?
Still in the hospital.
He`s been there since the war.
Why not rent his barbershop for him?
He won`t let me. 
Every few weeks he writes to say he`s coming back.
A pity it should be idle all these years.
Why worry?
The government will soon take it from him.
Perhaps you`re right.
Not such a good morning after all.
Now you said it.
Hannah?
On the mantelpiece is my tobacco pouch. 
Will you get it?
Everyone is full of troubles.
Yeah, everyone.
Look at Hannah, poor girl.
A hard worker, can`t get a job.
Father was killed in the war, mother died last year.
can`t earn enough to pay her rent.
What can I do?
I can`t throw her out.
You need some more.
- Where are you going?
- Mrs Shoemaker`s laundry.
You`d better take the key.
Mrs Jaeckel and I are going out.
I`m locking up in case the storm troopers start their monkey business again.
Look, fellows!
Tomatoes and potatoes.
I`ll take a box home.
Hey, the truck.
You have no right!
Just charge it to my account!
Nice ripe tomatoes.
Why don`t some of you do something?
If I were a man I`d show you.
What would you do, maid?
Not one of you has the guts to stand up alone and fight!
Is the truck in case someone hits back?
We`ll take you down!
come and take me.
You`ll get medals for it.
You pick on women and rob defenseless people.
Don`t rob the poor girl, boys.
Give her back her tomatoes.
I`ll have to do it all over again.
Pigs!
- Patient 33!
- Yes, Sir.
An interesting case: amnesia.
Jewish soldier.
Been here since the war.
He thinks it`s only been weeks.
Does he knows what`s happened?
No. 
His one interest seems to be his barbershop, which he believes he left a few weeks ago.
Many surprises await the poor devil.
I`m afraid so.
- Yes?
- Number 33 is gone.
He was to be examined.
But he`s disappeared.
Let him go.
It isn`t a serious case.
There`s little we can do for him.
Beat it up there.
come on, get out of here!
What are you doing?
I don`t know.
Leave that alone.
- Don`t be silly.
- I`m not silly!
When you talk to me, "Hail Hynkel"!
Who are you?
I`ll show you who I am!
come down to headquarters!
That`s my shop!
I don`t care if it is or not.
Putting up a fight, are you?
come to headquarters.
Let me tell you something.
Policeman?
Arrest that man for assault.
Attacking a storm trooper!
You`ll hear from my lawyer.
He bit my finger!
Sorry, I didn`t mean to hit you.
I really enjoyed that!
But you`d better beat it.
- I`ll call a policeman.
- No!
- Why not?
- Are you crazy?
More are coming!
- More what?
- Wait!
come in here.
What`s wrong with you?
Don`t be foolhardy.
What`s this? 
Who hit you?
I think it was a gang.
You`d better get fixed up.
We`ll investigate later.
What time is it?
All right, they`ve gone.
Thanks, Mister.
That did me a lot of good.
You`ve sure got nerve, fighting back.
We should all fight back.
We can`t fight alone, but we can lick `em together.
We didn`t do so bad.
You`re the barber!
The one in the hospital.
Mr Jaeckel has talked about you.
We didn`t think you`d come back.
The storm troopers will be after you.
You`d better hide.
I`ll get the key to the cellar.
- Is this the man?
- That`s him.
Hail Hynkel!
Who`s he?
Don`t fool with me. 
Hail Hynkel!
Just a moment. 
Not here.
Bring him outside.
First you`ll finish this.
Here.
Go on, paint that!
Wait a minute, boys!
I`ve got a bright idea.
commander Schultz!
First in command.
Second in command.
Oh, never mind. 
You!
Who told you to hang people from lampposts?
I want the streets tidy.
What`s the trouble?
A Jew attacking storm troopers.
- Where is he?
- There.
So there you are.
Stand him up.
You?
Don`t you remember me?
- You saved my life.
- Me?
Strange. 
And I always thought of you as an Aryan.
I`m a vegetarian.
Don`t you remember?
We got away in my plane.
Then we crashed.
Now I remember.
Well, how are you?
What`s my friend done?
He resisted my men painting his windows.
Any brave man would resist.
I`m sorry for this.
No harm.
In the future you will not be molested again.
But if you or your friends ever need help...
Who did that?
One of my friends.
Hynkel`s palace was the center of the world`s greatest war machine.
Behind it was the dynamic Adenoid Hynkel, whose genius ran the nation, whose ceaseless activity kept him busy every moment of the day.
Marshall Herring is waiting.
Enough!
I believe we`ve got something now.
A bulletproof uniform.
Material light as silk.
I`ve arranged for a demonstration.
It will only take two minutes.
I can spare one.
Professor Herr Kibitzen.
Actions speak louder than words.
A bulletproof uniform.
One hundred percent perfect.
Shoot!
Far from perfect.
- Where`s my secretary?
- In the outer office.
call her.
Take a letter.
Herring here, in the tower room.
We`ve got something marvelous.
I shall be up.
A parachute.
The most compact in the world.
Worn like a hat.
It will open in 25 feet.
Demonstrate, Professor.
Herring, why do you waste my time like this?
Send Garbitsch here.
Herr Garbitsch is waiting.
Enough!
What is the meaning of this?
25 million for prison camps when we need munitions!
- We had to make some arrests.
- How many?
Five or ten thousand... a day.
- A day?
- Just a few dissenters.
Dissenting about?
Working hours, wage cuts...
Synthetic food, the quality of the sawdust in the bread.
What more do they want?
It`s from our finest lumber!
Nevertheless, the people are overworked. 
They need diversion.
The people, bah!
We might go further with the Jews.
Burn some of their houses.
An assault on the Ghetto might be diverting.
Something more dramatic. 
When can we be ready to invade Osterlich?
Three months.
I can`t wait.
Napaloni`s army might invade first.
We must strike now.
We`ll require foreign capital.
Borrow it!
The bankers have refused.
One man might make us a loan: 
Epstein.
- Epstein? 
He`s a Jew, isn`t he?
- Yes.
Well, let`s be big about it.
We`ll borrow from Epstein.
It might be difficult in view of our policy towards his people.
Then we`ll change our policy.
Tell Schultz all persecution of the Jews must cease.
At least until we`ve negotiated this loan.
I don`t understand it.
The whole Ghetto is so quiet.
You can`t imagine what was going on.
This Hynkel business.
You weren`t here, you were in the hospital, unconscious.
You don`t appreciate what a good time you were having.
If things get worse we can go to Osterlich.
It`s still a free country.
Sooner or later we`ll have to go.
Anyway, it`s nice to see you back.
It`s like the old days again, eh?
How`s business?
Very slow.
The men are all in concentration camp.
You should fix up the women.
Nice money in beauty parlors.
Know anything about it?
You can learn.
You can practice on Hannah.
Hannah, get in that chair, we`ll make you look beautiful.
What for?
He`s going to practice on you.
You`re not putting mud on my face?
No, we`re taking some off.
Make me look beautiful?
Sure.
He can`t make you look any worse!
Mrs Shoemaker, the laundry!
I`ll give it to her.
You sit here and enjoy yourself.
I know.
I`ve seen you making eyes.
Don`t pay any attention to him.
I like your shop since it`s fixed up.
I wish I had a business like this.
There`s no future in housework.
Maybe if I save my money I can have a barbershop some day.
But I can never save.
Money slips through my fingers.
I`ve always lived up to every penny I`ve earned.
You`re here today and gone tomorrow and then where are you?
Do you believe in God?
I do. 
But if there wasn`t one, would you live any different?
I wouldn`t.
Life could be wonderful if people`d leave you alone.
Things look brighter now.
Maybe because you saved Schultz`s life.
Funny how they`ve left us alone.
Too good to be true.
Do you ever daydream?
I do.
That`s the only time I`m really happy. 
Dreaming.
Sometimes I get so carried away I don`t know what I`m doing.
We`re very much alike.
- Both absent-minded.
- You think so?
I like absent-minded people.
Like the man who put his watch in boiling water and held the egg!
All great men are absent-minded.
It`s a sign you`re smart.
My folks didn`t think so.
You have an excuse.
You were injured in the war.
I was born that way.
I wonder why women never grow whiskers.
Isn`t that foolish of me?
I`ll give you a shampoo.
Ain`t I cute?
How did you do it?
You should try it on yourself.
Fixed up, you`d look handsome.
The potato man! 
I have to go.
Take it easy there.
Did you hurt yourself?
- careful next time.
- Here`s another one.
How do you do?
Something`s happened.
The storm troopers helped me up.
It`d be wonderful if they stopped hating us, and let us go about our business like we used to.
It`d be wonderful not to have to go to another country.
I don`t want to go.
Despite the hardships and persecution, I love it here.
Perhaps we don`t have to go.
Wouldn`t it be wonderful if they`d let us live and be happy again?
Nothing works!
No decent pens or pencils.
I`m surrounded by incompetent, stupid, sterile stenographers.
I`ll get you a pen.
Don`t bother! 
I won`t send it.
Get out, get out!
We`ve just discovered the most marvelous poison gas.
It will kill everybody!
All right. 
Later.
B76 to see Herr Herring.
A lady. 
My secret agent.
Your secret agent?
Tell her to come here.
Any news from Epstein?
Our agent reports that all the board of directors are Aryans.
- The loan`s bound to go through.
- Good.
A strike`s planned at the arms factory.
- The leader?
- Five of them.
- Have them shot.
- They were.
How many were going to strike?
Three thousand of them.
Have them all shot.
I don`t want dissatisfied workers.
These men are skilled craftsmen.
Let`s train others first, then shoot them.
can`t afford to be lenient.
The rhythm of production will be affected.
Rhythm...
All right, have your rhythm.
Spare the strikers and permit them to return to work.
But mark them for future reference.
That`s my department.
I`ll attend to that. 
This way.
The strike leaders are all brunettes. 
Not one blond.
Troublemakers!
Worse than Jews.
- Then wipe them out!
- "Doucement"...
We`ll get rid of the Jews first, then concentrate on the brunettes.
We shall never have peace until we have a pure Aryan race.
How wonderful! 
Tomainia, a nation of blue-eyed blonds.
Why not a blond Europe, Asia, America?
- And a brunette dictator.
- Of the world!
Why not?
Aut Caesar aut nullus. 
The world`s effete, worn out, afraid.
No nation would dare oppose you.
Dictator of the World!
It`s your destiny. 
We`ll kill off the Jews, wipe out the brunettes, then a pure Aryan race will come forth.
Beautiful blond Aryans.
They will love you, adore you, worship you as a God.
No, you mustn`t say it!
You make me afraid of myself.
Dictator of the World!
We`ll invade Osterlich first.
After that we can bluff.
The nations will capitulate.
In 2 years the world will be under your thumb.
Leave me! 
I want to be alone.
Aut Caesar aut nullus.
Emperor of the World!
My world.
This is the Happy Hour program.
Make work a pleasure with the rhythm of music.
Our next selection: 
Brahms` Hungarian Dance Number Five.
Happy Hour signing off.
At six, Adenoid Hynkel will address the children of the double-cross.
It seems like the old days again.
How long is it going to last?
Don`t you read the news?
It`s rumored that Hynkel`s going to restore the Jews` rights.
Maybe.
What do you want?
Business is better.
Nobody interferes with us any more.
Doesn`t that make you feel good?
The trouble, Mr Jaeckel, is you`re so used to bad times, you`re unhappy without them.
Get my Sunday shoes.
They`re on the windowsill.
I can`t find the shawl.
I`ve got a shawl.
What`s going on?
They`re dressing Hannah up to go out.
She`s got a beau.
- Who is it?
- The barber.
- My dear! 
Those hands!
- What`s the matter with them?
Those calluses. 
They`re so rough.
Maybe I better not go.
Don`t be foolish.
He knows you do housework.
Wait! 
I`ll get a pair of mittens.
See if he`s ready.
Not yet. 
He`s polishing a bald man`s head.
Bad news. 
The invasion of Osterlich will have to be delayed.
- What?
- Epstein refuses to lend the money.
Epstein refuses, eh?
Send for Schultz.
Epstein refuses...
What did he say?
He complained of the persecution of his people.
He refuses to deal with a medieval maniac.
He`ll deal with a medieval maniac more than he thinks!
First I shall deal with his people.
- Your Excellency?
- call out the storm troopers.
For some medieval entertainment in the Ghetto!
At such a time I think it`s ill-advised.
Such demonstrations are demoralizing the country.
Indeed?
Since when do you care about the Ghetto?
I speak in the interest of our party and the cause of humanity.
You need a vacation.
Fresh air.
A little outdoor exercise.
I`ll send you to a concentration camp.
Place Schultz under arrest.
Very well, but remember my words.
Your cause is doomed to failure because it`s built on the stupid persecution of innocent people.
Your policy is worse than a crime.
It`s a tragic blunder.
Traitor! 
Traitor!
You`re a double-dyed democrat!
Schultz, why have you forsaken me?
Excellency, here are the notes for your speech.
I`ll not need them.
What I say will not be directed to the children of the double-cross but to the children of Israel!
That Hynkel isn`t such a bad fellow after all.
Most amusing.
Get a Hynkel button!
A Hynkel button!
- We`d better go home.
- Yeah.
Let`s hurry.
Wait a minute.
What`s that?
Turn off the radio.
The storm troopers!
- Bar that door!
- Get some water!
You men, stay right here.
We`ve got to make a stand.
We might as well die as live like this.
Wait a minute.
We have a social call to make here.
Schultz gave strict orders not to molest anyone in this court.
These Jews attacked us.
I don`t care.
Orders were to keep out.
You saw that!
I can`t help it. 
Schultz`s orders.
Let`s get going.
Orders or not, I`m gonna get that girl.
Out!
Schultz arrested!
Hear that?
He`s arrested commander Schultz.
- A Jew corrupted our commander.
- Let`s kill the louse!
Schultz is accused of treason, and you know why.
Schultz was a friend of the Ghetto, of that barber!
Let`s get the barber!
We want the barber!
It`s the storm troopers!
- Get on the roof.
- No.
- They`ll kill you!
- I`ll fight.
Don`t be a fool, you`ll be murdered. 
Get on the roof.
All right, here we are.
Smash in the door!
come on, we`ll give the barber a haircut!
Where are the bombs?
There goes the barbershop.
Never mind. 
We can start again.
We can go to Osterlich.
It`s still free.
Mr Jaeckel says it`s beautiful.
Wonderful green fields, and they grow apples and grapes.
His brother`s got a vineyard.
Mr Jaeckel said he`d take me with him.
Now we can all go together.
It`ll be wonderful living in the country, much better than a smoky old city.
And if we work hard and don`t eat much, we can save money and buy a chicken farm.
There`s nice money in chickens.
Look at that star!
Isn`t it beautiful!
Hynkel with all his power can never touch that.
All right, the coast is clear.
commander Schultz escaped.
He`s hiding in my cellar.
He`s holding a meeting at midnight and he wants you to be there.
Hannah, you come and help Mrs Jaeckel with the supper.
I don`t understand it.
This crazy midnight supper...
What does this Schultz want of us?
- He wants us to blow up the palace.
- What?
We Jewish people shouldn`t get mixed up in such business.
I know, but Schultz has them all hypnotized.
- I knew he was up to some mischief.
- Sure he is.
I found him putting a coin in one of your puddings.
Don`t worry, I`ve fixed everything.
Wait and see.
Gentlemen, may I claim your indulgence for a moment?
We are here tonight to rid the country of a tyrant.
In order to carry this out one of us must die.
In ancient times the Aryan tribe of the Langobardians made human sacrifice to the God Thor.
At a feast, by lottery, the victim was chosen.
Tonight, at this feast, one of you will be chosen.
Each man will receive a pudding.
concealed in one of these is a coin.
He who gets it must give up his life to free his people, but... he will join the long line of history`s noble martyrs and will rid his country of a tyrant.
I know that it is the wish of all of us to be chosen this night to die for Tomainia.
Much as I should like to participate in this ordeal, I cannot.
Why?
Don`t you understand?
He`s too well-known.
It must be somebody like us.
I can`t see it like that.
If this is a question of my honor, it`s very embarrassing.
commander Schultz, I apologize for my friend.
Let me say, on behalf of myself and the others, that we consider it a great privilege to die for our country.
Gentlemen, I shall now retire until fate has chosen the liberator.
Until then... 
Hail Hynk...
What am I saying?
Gentlemen, we have pledged our honor.
Proceed!
Gentlemen, the coin is here!
What`s the meaning of this?
Somebody made a fool of us.
- I did.
- What?
I put a coin in every pudding.
Blowing up palaces and wanting to kill people!
We`ve enough trouble as it is!
Hannah`s right.
We`ve all been foolish.
Our place is at home, looking after our own affairs.
The papers say Schultz may be hiding in the Ghetto.
Here, read it for yourself.
Hannah, read that.
"Mystery surrounds the disappearance of ex-commander Schultz.
"Police believe the commander may be hiding in the Ghetto.
"A certain Jewish barber, reported to be a friend of Schultz,
"is also wanted for questioning."
Only for questioning, nothing serious.
Meyerberg was only wanted for questioning. 
We never saw him again.
- Who is it?
- It`s me, Mr Mann.
Did you hear what they`re saying about Schultz hiding in the Ghetto?
Don`t you think it`s serious if they find him in the house?
There are spies everywhere!
What`s with him?
He`s wanted for questioning.
Where`s the commander?
In the next room.
If commander Schultz is found in this house, we`ll go to concentration camp for life and have our heads cut off, too.
Am I arguing?
Then get rid of him.
You can`t throw him out.
Of course not.
But I`d like to know how long he`s going to stay here.
Your breakfast is on the table.
Thank you. 
I have breakfast waiting at home.
Search every house.
- What now?
- They`re looking for Schultz.
He`s in one of these houses.
They`re always looking for somebody.
It`s me. 
Let me in.
The storm troopers are searching every house.
Tell the commander.
- Did you tell him?
- Yes.
- What is it?
- The storm troopers.
- What?
- You`d better get on the roof.
Wait!
We can`t leave all these things.
All of you, pack my valises.
You pack that.
clear this shelf.
This mustn`t be found.
They`re here! 
Get up on the roof.
Don`t leave anything behind!
- My golf clubs!
- The hatbox!
- Where are you going?
- With him.
You`ll see him later.
- I`ll meet you tonight.
- All right.
Look where you are!
I can`t see, wait a moment.
My bag!
It`s right here. 
Here it is.
Don`t drop the other one.
My golf clubs, not my golf clubs!
come here. 
They`ll see you.
- Now be careful.
- Yes, Sir.
Lucky you didn`t break your neck.
I`m sorry.
Sorry, I have to bother you again.
There he is.
Good morning, how are you?
So-so.
Here`s your friend.
Your silence will be appreciated.
Where are you going?
Smoking room.
come on, this way!
Osterlich!
I am pleased to announce we are at last ready to march on Osterlich.
This was made possible by the genius of Field Marshall Herring, upon whom I shall now pin a token of my regard.
Turn around. 
No!
To Field Marshall Herring!
To the invasion of Osterlich!
Elephant!
Napaloni`s army is on the Osterlich front.
60,000 men are on the border.
He`ll take Osterlich!
I can`t believe it.
You can`t believe it!
You let him steal a march on us.
I had the ground covered!
Declare war on Napaloni.
You blockhead!
Mobilize every military division.
Attack Bacteria at once!
- But war will be the end of us!
- Do it!
Will you sign this?
What is it?
A declaration of war.
Yes. 
A pen!
I`ll sign it.
"Der grotzer peanut, der cheesy ravioli!"
- It`s Napaloni.
- Wait a minute.
You talk to him.
What`ll I say?
Be nice, affable, pleasant.
Well, well, how are you?
No, he hasn`t been playing much lately.
Went around in 92, really?
You want to speak to his Excellency?
Just now he`s a little hoarse.
No, I mean he can`t talk.
May I take a message?
He says no doubt you`ve heard about Osterlich.
He`d like to discuss it.
Ask him to come here.
His Excellency invites you to Tomainia to discuss the matter.
Very well.
I`ll make the arrangements.
He`s coming.
We`ll put on the greatest military show the world has ever known.
Napaloni will leave the invasion of Osterlich to me.
And this?
- What is it?
- Your declaration of war.
Peace is declared!
2,975,000 eager citizens are massed in the station square awaiting Benzino Napaloni.
Our beloved Phooey enters to greet his distinguished guest,
This will cement the friendship between our Phooey and the Dictator of Bacteria.
His Excellency is about to greet the Bacterian ambassador.
See about the photography.
Tell the press to see that our Phooey is well photographed.
- Not the back of his head!
- Yes, Sir.
Napaloni`s private train is arriving.
From a pink and white car
Napaloni and his wife will step out and Adenoid Hynkel will deliver his address of welcome.
What`s all this mix-up-a?
They`ve gone too far.
Bring the carpet.
Papa, why can`t-a we get out here?
No-a carpet.
Who cares?
Me, Napaloni, I never get out without a carpet.
- It`s going back.
- What?
Let`s get out while it`s stopping.
Shut up!
Take it away!
Stay here until they`ve made up their minds.
You got-a da carpet. 
Put it down!
- My friend!
- Napaloni!
This is indeed a pleasure.
Welcome to Tomainia. 
This way.
Pictures!
Another, please.
This is a pleasure, my friend Hynkel.
You want another?
Where`s-a my ambassador?
Hello, Spook.
How do you feel?
Look after Mamma.
Hynky, did you meet-a my wife?
That`s her. 
Let`s go.
Tomainia... very nice, very nice.
Your clock is-a slow.
It`s-a very nice people.
The people are very nice-a.
Thank you.
He`s my husband!
Napaloni`s army shall not invade Osterlich. 
It belongs to me!
We shall not discuss the Osterlich situation.
You will impress upon him the force of your personality.
Make him feel your superiority.
Napaloni is aggressive, domineering.
We must put him in his place.
But how?
By means of psychology.
By making him feel inferior.
This can be done subtly.
For instance,
I have arranged for him to be looking up at you, you looking down at him.
His position will always be inferior.
Moreover, we shall seat him here beside your bust.
If you relax, that will always be glaring at him.
Where is he now?
Resting.
I have arranged for him to enter from the far end of the room.
Another psychological triumph.
He`ll have the embarrassment of walking the entire floor.
Signor Napaloni is now leaving his room.
He`s coming.
Quick, give me a flower.
At all times be above him, before him.
Entering or leaving, you must be first.
Hello, Hynky!
How are you feel?
My brother dictate!
You`re a nice-a little man.
I`m so glad to see you again.
And my friend the Garbitsch!
This is a lovely place.
I feel-a fine.
I had a nice-a cold shower.
When the plumbing`s fixed it will-a be good.
Won`t you sit down?
Well, Hynky, my dictator friend, you...
I must be a-growing!
What do they give me? 
A baby stool?
This is not for me.
I like it better upstairs.
Garbitsch, this is a lovely country.
Very nice-a people.
I thought the public enthusiastic.
Sure. 
They like to see new faces.
I`m sorry for the mishap that occurred to Madam Napaloni.
I`m sorry for the Napaloni that occurred at the... at...
Madam Napaloni at the station.
She`s not used to public life.
She can`t take it.
Match.
Don`t apologize. 
I find-a one.
I`m simply crazy about this-a palace.
Ivory and gold.
A lovely combination.
Gets away from that gingerbread idea.
Tell me something, Garbitsch, what`s on the program?
The grand ball this evening.
And a review of the army.
That won`t take-a long!
I`m afraid it will.
So you got a big army, huh?
Modesty forbids.
Seems I`ve heard about it.
I think I`ll get me a shave.
We have a barbershop.
You look blue under the gills.
What say we go together?
- Delighted.
- Good!
This is it. 
I can-a smell `em.
This is-a very sweet.
It was the library.
A good-a barbershop.
- Too old-fashioned.
- Is that so?
When I get shaved, I`m nervous.
I like something to look at.
So I`m putting in glass walls.
This way, I shall have a view of the mountains.
Above, a view through the glass ceiling.
- What`s above?
- The ballroom.
In my summer palace I have a barbershop.
Also with glass walls.
You don`t tell me!
With goldfish inside.
Goldfish swimming in the walls?
How do you feed them?
You can`t, they`re all dead.
That`s why I`m building a new one.
The Hynkel stadium.
Before half a million spectators the greatest ever display of arms marches by in review.
Our beloved Phooey and Il Dig-a-Ditchy are seated, thrilled by this historic event.
Nothing. 
I`m just chewing.
care for some peanuts?
- I`ve had some.
- Good shape.
Now passing, Tomainia`s heavy artillery.
It`s all right.
I want to show you my new bombing planes. 
They`re coming over.
- Where from?
- Aroma.
Aroma? 
That`s 400 miles away.
Right.
I don`t know what`s detaining them.
Now passing, Tomainia`s light artillery.
Very light!
And here come the armored tanks, the pride of Tomainia`s army.
The latest design, the last word in modern warfare.
Wait, where are the propellers?
For going under the water!
Underwater tanks?
You never heard of tanks that go under the water and fly up-a stairs?
- What`s that?
- Under the water and in the air.
Obsolete now! 
We`re concentrating on flying dreadnoughts.
- What`s that?
- My planes!
Now passing, Hynkel`s flying division number 34.
Our planes!
You`re right. 
They`re yours.
Garbitsch!
The invasion of Osterlich...
Our troops, tanks and guns will be hidden along the border.
To disarm suspicion, you will go hunting.
Then you will show up at Pretzelburg, meet the army, step into a car and cross over into Osterlich.
Herring and I will be waiting at the capital.
First Napaloni must remove his troops.
To be decided tonight.
Where is Napaloni?
I`ll look for him.
It might be advisable for you to dance with Madam Napaloni.
It`ll carry weight.
You mean I will!
You find him!
And let me know at once.
Why so triste?
Because I no speak.
No? 
May I have the pleasure?
Madam, your dancing was superb.
Excellent.
Very good.
Good.
- My dear Adenoid.
- Benzino!
I`ve been looking for you.
Let`s have a sandwich in a quiet place where we can talk-a things over.
- As you wish.
- An excellent idea. 
To the buffet!
An old Tomainian proverb:
Funny. 
I wish I understood it.
Now about the border.
Yes. 
No problem.
It should be no trouble.
You, too. 
Out!
Out.
- So... the border question.
- Yes.
It`s just a matter of detail.
Formalities.
Strawberries!
- Have you English mustard?
- English mustard.
- Da hot-a stuff?
- Very hot.
cream.
Hynky, I`m going to make this very simple.
You agree not to invade Osterlich,
I agree not to invade Osterlich.
We sign, then I remove my troops from the border.
When your troops are gone, I sign.
That`s-a right.
Just a minute, you don`t understand.
First we sign, then I remove-a da troops.
- Precisely. 
I sign after.
- Just a minute.
Hey, Spook, treaty.
Hold-a this.
Now, look, you sign-a da treaty first.
Then I remove-a da troops after.
Why are we arguing?
You said I remove first.
I can`t sign while they`re there.
- I won`t remove them till you sign.
- Why not?
- Why should I?
- Osterlich is a free country!
Your soldiers are there.
And they`ll stay until you sign.
I`ll blow them off.
This won`t get us anywhere.
To quote an old Latin phrase...
Strawberries!
Where`s-a my sandwich?
Another one!
I don`t get this treatment in my own joint!
can`t we discuss this without passion?
I`m not-a passionate. 
I`m just...
I want him to sign the treaty.
What would my people think, signing such a treaty when your soldiers are on the border?
I won`t move until you sign!
Not until you clear the border will I sign!
Then they remain.
Then I kick them off.
One move from you and my artillery will blow you to pieces!
And my airplanes will bomb your artillery like that!
You want-a start a world war?
You and the world I`ll throw in the ocean!
Strawberries!
Your Excellency, we have...
I got-a my guns here in the pass and I`ll blow him to pieces.
What`s the matter? 
What ails you?
This isn`t like you.
Hey, Garbitsch, come here.
What`s with Hynky?
Mustard on his strawberries.
What else can you expect from Hynky?
The Bacterian...
Tomainia...
You can`t treat Bacterians this way!
I`ll take the Bacterian people and tear them apart, like this!
Look what`s he doing!
It`s an insult to my people!
He`s-a tearing spaghetti!
He sign-a the treaty or we have a war!
- I have an appointment.
- What`s this?
International press.
How`s the conference going?
Very successfully.
How did you get in?
How did he get in here?
No one is to enter the palace under any circumstances.
There are minor details to be cleaned up...
Excuse me, we`re busy.
The press is here.
The world will know we`re fighting!
- So what?
- can`t we come to an agreement?
- When he signs.
- I sign nothing.
I must speak to you alone.
Do you mind?
Sign! 
Sign!
He`ll have the advantage.
It`s a mere scrap of paper.
When his troops are off the border, we can move in.
I`ll sign.
Ah, my little Hynky!
My dictator brother!
I knew we have-a no trouble.
Two prisoners escaped in officers` uniforms.
Sound the alarm!
Two prisoners escaped.
- The planes are after us.
- Let`s make for the woods.
We must keep in the open.
Border`s that way.
The invasion of Osterlich.
Now or never.
Ducks!
Did you hear that?
It came from over there.
A yodeller.
Where did you get that outfit?
- What?
- Don`t answer back!
Where`s Schultz?
You won`t talk, eh?
- He will when we get him to camp.
- come on.
There it is.
The village of Pretzelburg.
If we can pass through there we`re safe.
Through the woods?
They`re swarming with soldiers.
They`d suspect us.
If you see anyone, don`t look right or left.
We must bluff our way through.
Here they come.
can you see what they`re doing?
- Looking this way.
- Keep going!
They`re following us.
Shall we run?
certainly not.
Just a little bit?
Keep walking!
We could walk faster.
Make up your mind.
- We`d better slow down.
- No!
- There`s no hurry.
- come on!
He`s here!
Sound assembly!
- Shouldn`t we turn back?
- No, keep going!
Your Excellency, everything is under control.
I have been in communication with Marshall Herring in Osterlich.
The route is well guarded. 
Behind us are 200 tanks, 50 armored cars and 500 machine-guns.
Are we ready to start?
Schultz, I`m happy you`re with us again.
- Where are we going?
- You`re invading Osterlich.
They`re coming!
Your Excellency.
The world awaits your word.
What`s happened?
He looks strange.
What`s Schultz doing here?
Pardoned, I suppose.
His Excellency Herr Garbitsch,
Secretary of the Interior, Minister of Propaganda...
Victory shall come to the worthy.
Today, democracy, liberty and equality are words to fool the people.
No nation can progress with such ideas.
They stand in the way of action.
Therefore, we abolish them.
In the future, each man will serve the State with absolute obedience.
Let him who refuses beware!
citizenship will be taken away from all Jews and non-Aryans.
They are inferior and therefore enemies of the State.
It is the duty of all true Aryans to hate and despise them.
This nation is annexed to the Tomainian Empire, and the people will obey the laws bestowed on us by our great leader,
the Dictator of Tomainia, the conqueror of Osterlich, the future Emperor of the World!
You must speak.
I can`t.
You must. 
It`s our only hope.
Hope...
I`m sorry, but I don`t want to be an emperor.
That`s not my business.
I don`t want to rule or conquer anyone.
I should like to help everyone:
Jew, gentile, black man, white.
We all want to help one another.
Human beings are like that.
We want to live by each other`s happiness, not misery.
We don`t want to hate one another.
There`s room for everyone.
The good earth is rich and can provide for everyone.
The way of life can be free and beautiful but we have lost the way.
Greed has poisoned men`s souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into bloodshed.
We have developed speed but have shut ourselves in.
Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want.
Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness, hard and unkind.
We think too much and feel too little.
More than machinery, we need humanity.
More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.
Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost...
The airplane and radio have brought us closer.
These inventions cry out for the goodness in man, for universal brotherhood, for the unity of us all.
Even now my voice is reaching millions...
Millions of despairing men, women and children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.
To those who can hear me I say, do not despair.
The misery upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress.
The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took will return to the people.
So long as men die liberty will never perish.
Soldiers, don`t give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you, enslave you, regiment your lives, tell you what to think and feel, who drill you, treat you like cattle and use you as cannon fodder!
Don`t give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men with machine minds and machine hearts.
You are not machines, you are not cattle, you are men!
You have the love of humanity in you.
You don`t hate. 
Only the unloved and the unnatural hate.
Soldiers, don`t fight for slavery, fight for liberty!
St Luke says, "The Kingdom of God is within man."
Not one man nor a group of men, but all men. 
You!
You, the people, have the power!
The power to create machines, to create happiness.
You have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.
In the name of democracy, let us use that power!
Let us all unite!
Let us fight for a new world.
A decent world that will give men a chance to work, youth a future and old age a security.
By promising these things, brutes have risen.
But they lie! 
They do not fulfill that promise. 
They never will!
Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people.
Now let us fight to fulfill that promise!
Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, to do away with greed, hate and intolerance.
Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to the happiness of all.
Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite!
Hannah, can you hear me?
Wherever you are,
The clouds are lifting, the sun is breaking through.
We are coming out of the darkness into the light.
We are coming into a new world, a kindlier world, where men will rise above their hate, their greed and brutality.
Look up, Hannah.
The soul of man has been given wings.
He is flying into the rainbow, into the light of hope, into the future, the glorious future that belongs to you, to me and to all of us.
Look up, Hannah. 
Look up!
Did you hear that?
Listen...
Subtitles by Sionann O`Neill
Subtitling by TVS 
- TITRA FILM

Charles Chaplin in "The Great Dictator (1940)"
At the end of the World War Tomainia weakened,
Revolution had broken out, her diplomats sued for peace while Tomainia's army fought on, confident its war machine would smash the enemy's lines,
Big Bertha, able to fire 100 miles, was to make its appearance on the Western Front, and strike terror into the enemy,
75 miles away was her target:
the cathedral of Notre-Dame,
Range: 95,452.
Stand clear!
Fire!
Stand by your trigger!
Range correction: 95,455.
Breach secured.
Stand clear.
Ready... 
Fire!
Defective shell. 
We'll examine it.
Check the fuse.
Yes, the fuse.
Look out! 
Run!
What's that?
- Air raid.
- After Big Bertha.
The anti-aircraft gun!
To the gun!
have you gone crazy?
Come down!
What do you think you're doing?
have you gone crazy?
Sir, the enemy have broken through.
every man to the front.
Muster the gun crew!
Get your hand grenades, soldiers.
Where's your hand grenade?
Give him one.
Keep moving. 
Come along, hurry up!
Pardon me, but to work this...
Pull the pin, count to ten and throw it!
Let them have it!
This is no time to scratch.
Pull yourself together.
Take this.
Forward!
Fall in!
Hey you, come on!
Order arms!
Prepare to attack.
Forward!
There you are.
The enemy!
Come on, let's get him!
May I come in, sir?
- Who is it?
- Friend.
- What division?
- 21st artillery, sir.
Take this and keep firing.
I'll be back.
Comrade! 
Help!
What is it?
I'm exhausted.
Quick, help me to my plane.
Thank you. 
I'll see you get the Tomainian Cross for this.
Only too willing to oblige, sir.
You saved my life. 
Thank you.
I'll strap you in.
I can't make it alone.
You'll have to stay with me.
Can you fly?
I can try.
Lift my hand to the stick.
I haVen't the strength.
Take charge of that gun!
The enemy!
Quick, lift my hand to the throttle.
We'll fool 'em!
Hold on to these dispatches.
If we get them to General Schmelloffel,
Tomainia may yet win.
I'm going to faint.
Don't say that.
Sorry.
Where am I?
Don't you know me?
Yes, I feel better now.
The blood's returning to my head.
What's below?
The sun?
Shining upwards.
Strange. 
How's the gas?
Kept me awake all night.
No, the gasoline in the tank!
Almost empty.
We must be nearly there.
What time is it?
Approximately one minute to twelve.
Strange.
We seem to be defying the laws of gravity.
Water. 
Quick, I'm going to faint.
Wait a while.
We'll get into trouble if you faint any more.
Just hold it.
I think I... 
Now...
Take it!
Something's wrong.
I can't reach it.
It's all gone.
What's the matter?
Belt too tight.
Loosen it.
I'm trying to!
We're upside down.
I know it!
The stick!
Impossible.
There it goes. 
We're out of gas.
Well, I suppose this is the end.
Cigarette?
Not now!
I shan't need this any more.
What month is it?
April. 
Spring in Tomainia.
Hilda will be in the garden, tending the daffodils.
How she loves daffodils!
She'd never cut them for fear of hurting them.
It was like taking a life to cut a daffodil.
Sweet, gentle Hilda.
A beautiful soul.
She loved animals, and little children, too.
We've landed! 
Dispatches!
Comrade, where are you?
The dispatches... 
Where are they?
- Are you hurt?
- Take me to General Schmelloffel.
If we don't deliver these, we're defeated.
- The war's over.
- What?
We lost.
Hynkel takes power, The Jewish soldier suffered a loss of memory and remained in hospital for years, ignorant of the change in Tomainia,
Hynkel ruled the nation with an iron fist,
Under the double-cross emblem liberty was banished,
Only the voice of Hynkel was heard,
Adenoid Hynkel said,
"Tomainia was down but today has risen,"
"Democracy is fragrant,"
"Liberty is odious,"
"Freedom of speech is objectionable,"
"Tomainia has the greatest army,"
"The greatest navy,"
"But to remain great we must sacrifice,"
"We must tighten our belts,"
He now speaks to Field Marshal Herring, Minister of War,
Now Herr Garbitsch, Minister of the Interior,
He remembers his early struggles, shared by his two loyal comrades,
A reference to the Jewish people,
The Phooey remarks that for the world he has peace in his heart
We now pause for station identification,
This is the Pari-Mutual network, bringing you
Hynkel's address to the children of the double-cross,
The interpreter is Hynkel's personal translator, reading from a prepared manuscript,
Stand by for further commentary, Go ahead, Tomainia,
His Excellency is about to descend the stairs,
Your Excellency, are you hurt?
Ride in the other car.
His Excellency seems pleased as he is greeted by Tomainian children,
He pauses before a woman with a child,
Camera!
Even the baby is thrilled and seems all smiles at the attention,
His Excellency leaves the scene and will return along Hynkelstrasse, where he'll pass Tomainia's modern masterpieces:
the Venus of Today and the Thinker of Tomorrow,
- How was it?
- The speech?
Very good.
Your reference to the Jews might have been more violent.
What?
To arouse the people's anger.
Violence against the Jews might make the people forget their stomach.
You're right. 
Things have been quiet in the ghetto lately.
Good morning, Mr Jaeckel.
What's good about it?
Conditions could be worse.
If you think so, you have a great imagination.
You heard Hynkel's speech.
I heard nothing.
I'Ve got my own troubles.
You're better off than a lot of people.
What about the barber?
Still in hospital.
He's been there since the war.
Why not rent his barbershop for him?
He won't let me. 
every few weeks he writes to say he's coming back.
A pity it should be idle all these years.
Why worry?
The government will soon take it from him.
Perhaps you're right.
Not such a good morning after all.
Now you said it.
Hannah.
On the mantelpiece is my tobacco pouch. 
Will you get it?
Everyone is full of troubles.
Yeah, everyone.
Look at Hannah, poor girl.
A hard worker, can't get a job.
Father was killed in the war, mother died last year.
Can't earn enough to pay her rent.
What can I do?
I can't throw her out.
You need some more.
- Where are you going?
- Mrs Shoemaker's laundry.
You'd better take the key.
Mrs Jaeckel and I are going out.
I'm locking up in case the storm troopers start their monkey business again.
Aryan! 
We're Aryans!
And we go marching by!
Look, fellows!
Tomatoes and potatoes.
I'll take a box home.
Hey, the lorry.
Hold it there, will you?
You have no right!
Just charge it to my account!
Nice ripe tomatoes.
Why don't some of you do something?
If I were a man I'd show you.
What would you do, pretty?
Not one of you has the guts to stand up alone and fight!
Is the lorry in case someone hits back?
Shut up!
Come and take me.
You'll get medals for it.
You pick on women and rob defenceless people.
Don't rob the poor girl, boys.
Give her back her tomatoes.
I'll have to do it again.
Pigs!
- Patient 33!
- Yes, sir,
An interesting case: amnesia.
Jewish soldier.
Been here since the war.
He thinks it's only been weeks.
Does he knows what's happened?
No. 
His one interest seems to be in his barbershop, which he believes he left a few weeks ago.
He'll have many surprises.
I'm afraid so.
- Yes?
- Number 33 is gone,
He was to be examined.
But he's disappeared,
Disappeared?
Let him go.
It isn't a serious case.
There's little we can do for him.
Come on, get out of here!
What are you doing?
I don't know.
leave that alone.
- Don't be silly.
- I'm not silly!
I appreciate that.
When you talk to me, "Hail Hynkel"!
Who are you?
I'll show you who I am!
Come down to headquarters!
That's my shop.
I don't care if it is or not.
Going to put up a fight, are you?
Come to headquarters.
Let me tell you something.
Policeman?
Arrest that man for assault.
- Come here, you!
- leave me alone.
Attacking a storm trooper!
You'll hear from my lawyer.
He bit my finger!
Sorry, I didn't mean to hit you.
I enjoyed that.
But you'd better beat it.
- I'll call a policeman.
- No!
- Why not?
- Are you crazy?
More are coming!
- More what?
- Wait!
Come in here.
What's wrong with you?
Don't be foolhardy.
What's this? 
Who hit you?
I think it was a gang.
You'd better get fixed up.
We'll investigate later.
What time is it?
All right, they've gone.
Thanks, mister.
That did me a lot of good.
You'Ve sure got some nerve.
We should all fight back.
We can't fight alone, but we can lick 'em together.
We didn't do so bad.
You're the barber, who was in hospital!
Mr Jaeckel has talked about you.
We didn't think you'd come back.
The storm troopers will be after you.
You'd better hide.
I'll get the key to the cellar.
- Is this the man?
- That's him.
Hail Hynkel!
Who's he?
Don't fool with me. 
Hail Hynkel!
Your hands.
Just a moment. 
Not here.
Bring him outside.
First you'll finish this.
Here.
Go on, paint that!
Wait a minute, boys.
I've got a bright idea.
Commander Schultz!
First in command.
Second in command.
Oh, never mind. 
You!
Who told you to hang people from lampposts?
What was the trouble?
A Jew attacking storm troopers.
- Where is he?
- There.
Break ranks.
So there you are. 
Stand him up.
Get up.
You?
Don't you remember me?
- You saved my life.
- Me?
Strange. 
And I always thought of you as an Aryan.
I'm a vegetarian.
Don't you remember?
We got away in my plane.
Plane?
Then we crashed.
Now I remember.
Well, how are you?
What's my friend done?
He resisted my men painting his windows.
Any brave man would resist.
I'm sorry for this.
No harm.
In future you will not be molested again.
If you or your friends ever need help...
Who did that?
One of my friends.
Hynkel's palace was the centre of the world's greatest war machine,
Behind it was the dynamic Adenoid Hynkel, whose genius ran the nation, whose ceaseless activity kept him occupied every moment of the day,
Marshal Herring is waiting,
Enough!
I believe we've got something now.
A bulletproof uniform.
The material is as light as silk.
Where?
I've arranged for a demonstration.
It will only take two minutes.
I can spare one.
Professor Herr Kibitzen.
Actions speak louder than words.
A bulletproof uniform.
One hundred percent perfect.
Shoot!
Far from perfect.
- Where's my secretary?
- In the outer office.
Call her.
Take a letter.
Herring here in the tower room, We've got something marvellous,
I shall be up.
A parachute.
The most compact in the world.
Worn like a hat.
It will open in 25 feet.
Demonstrate, professor.
Herring, why do you waste my time like this?
Send Garbitsch here.
Herr Garbitsch is waiting,
Enough!
What's the meaning of this?
25 million for prison camps?
We need to manufacture munitions.
- We'Ve made a few arrests.
- How many?
Five or ten thousand... a day.
- A day?
- Just a few dissenters.
Dissenting about?
Working hours, wage cuts, the synthetic food, the quality of the sawdust in the bread.
What more do they want?
It's from the finest lumber!
nevertheless, the people are overworked. 
They need diversion.
The people, bah!
We might go further with the Jews.
Burn some of their houses.
An assault on the ghetto.
Something more dramatic. 
When can we be ready to invade Osterlich?
Three months.
I can't wait.
Napaloni's army might invade first.
We must strike now.
We'll require foreign capital.
Borrow it!
The bankers have refused.
One man might make us a loan: 
Epstein.
- Epstein? 
He's a Jew, isn't he?
- Yes.
Well, let's be big about it.
We'll borrow from Epstein.
It might be difficult in view of our policy towards his people.
Then we'll change our policy.
Tell Schultz all persecution of the Jews must cease.
At least till we've negotiated this loan.
I don't understand it.
The whole ghetto is so quiet.
You can't imagine what was going on.
This Hynkel business.
You weren't here, you were in the hospital, unconscious.
You don't appreciate what a good time you were having.
If things get worse we can go to Osterlich.
That's still free.
Sooner or later we'll have to go.
Anyway, it's nice to see you back.
It's like the old days again, eh?
How's business?
Very slow.
The men are in concentration camp.
You should fix up the women.
The beauty parlour business.
Know anything about it?
You can learn.
You can practise on Hannah.
Hannah, get in that chair, we'll make you look beautiful.
What for?
He's going to practise on you.
Not with mud on my face?
No, we'll take some off.
Make me look beautiful?
Sure.
He can't make you look any worse!
Mrs Shoemaker's laundry!
I'll give it to her.
You sit here and enjoy yourself.
I know.
I've seen you making eyes.
Don't pay any attention to him.
I like your shop since it's fixed up.
I wish I had a business like this.
There's no future in housework.
Maybe if I save my money I can have a barbershop some day.
But I can never save.
Money slips through my fingers.
I've always lived up to every penny I'Ve earned.
Why shouldn't I? 
You're here today and gone tomorrow.
Do you believe in God?
I do. 
But if there wasn't one, would you live any different?
I wouldn't.
Life could be wonderful if people'd leave you alone.
Things are looking brighter now.
Maybe because of you saving Schultz.
Funny how they'Ve left us alone.
Too good to be true.
Do you ever daydream?
I do.
That's the only time I'm really happy: dreaming.
Sometimes I get so carried away I don't know what I'm doing.
Aren't you like that?
We're very much alike.
- Both absent-minded.
- You think so?
I like absent-minded people.
Like the man who put his watch in boiling water and held the egg!
All great men are absent-minded.
It's a sign you're smart.
My folks didn't think so.
You have an excuse.
You were injured in the war.
I was born that way.
I wonder why women never grow whiskers.
Isn't that foolish of me?
I could kick myself in the shins, I could...
I'll give you a shampoo.
Ain't I cute?
How did you do it?
You should try it on yourself.
Fixed up, you'd look handsome.
Four pecks a pound, new potatoes!
The potato man! 
I haVe to go.
Take it easy there.
Did you hurt yourself?
- Careful next time.
- Here's another one.
How do you do?
Something's happened.
The storm troopers helped me up.
How wonderful if they stopped hating us, if they let us go about our business like we used to.
How wonderful if we didn't have to go to another country.
I don't want to go.
With all the persecution, I still love it here.
Perhaps we don't have to go.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if they'd let us live and be happy again?
Full stop.
Nothing works!
Not even a sharp pencil.
I'm surrounded by incompetent, stupid, sterile stenographers.
I'll get you a pen.
Don't bother! 
I won't send it.
Get out, get out!
We've just discovered the most wonderful poison gas.
It will kill everybody...
All right. 
Later.
B76 to see Herr Herring,
A lady. 
My secret agent.
Your secret agent?
Tell her to come here.
Have B76 come right in.
Any news from Epstein?
Our agent reports that all the board of directors are Aryans.
- The loan's bound to go through.
- Good.
A strike at the arms factory.
- The leader?
- Five of them.
- have them shot.
- They were.
How many were going to strike?
Three thousand of them.
have them all shot.
I don't want dissatisfied workers.
These men are skilled craftsmen.
Let's train others first, then shoot them!
Cannot afford to be lenient.
The rhythm of production will be affected.
Rhythm...
All right, have your rhythm.
Spare the strikers and permit them to return to work.
But mark them for future reference.
That's my department.
I'll attend to that. 
This way.
The strike leaders are all brunettes. 
Not one blond.
Troublemakers!
Worse than Jews.
- Then wipe them out!
- "Doucement".
We'll get rid of the Jews first, then concentrate on the brunettes.
We shall never have peace till we have a pure Aryan race.
How wonderful! 
Tomainia, a nation of blue-eyed blonds.
Why not a blond Europe, Asia, America?
- And a brunette dictator.
- Of the world!
Why not?
Aut Caesar aut nullus. 
The world's effete, worn out, afraid.
No nation would dare oppose you.
Dictator of the World!
It's your destiny. 
We'll kill off the Jews, wipe out the brunettes, then will come forth a pure Aryan race.
Beautiful blond Aryans.
They will love you, they will worship you as a god.
No, you mustn't say it.
You make me afraid of myself.
Dictator of the World!
We'll invade Osterlich first.
After that we can bluff.
The nations will capitulate.
The world will be under your thumb.
leave me! 
I want to be alone.
Aut Caesar aut nullus,
Emperor of the World!
My world.
The happy hour programme,
Work with the rhythm of music,
Our next selection: 
Brahms' Hungarian Dance number five,
Fifteen cents, please.
Happy hour signing off,
At six, Adenoid Hynkel will address the children of the double-cross,
It seems like the old days again.
How long is it going to last?
In the papers it's rumoured that Hynkel's going to give the Jews back their rights.
Maybe.
What do you want?
Business is much better.
Nobody interferes with us any more.
Doesn't that make you feel good?
The trouble, Mr Jaeckel, is you're so used to bad times, you're unhappy without them.
Get my Sunday shoes.
They're on the windowsill.
I can't find the shawl.
I'Ve got a shawl.
What's going on?
They're dressing Hannah up to go out.
Is that so?
She's got a beau.
- Who is it?
- The barber.
Now, turn around.
- My dear! 
Those hands!
- What's the matter with them?
Those calluses. 
They're so rough.
Maybe I better not go.
Don't be foolish.
He knows you do housework.
Wait! 
I'll get a pair of mittens.
See if he's ready.
Not yet. 
He's polishing a bald man's head.
Bad news. 
The invasion of Osterlich will have to be delayed.
- What?
- Epstein refuses to lend the money.
Epstein refuses, eh?
Send for Schultz.
Epstein refuses.
What did he say?
He complained of the persecution and said he wouldn't have any dealings with a mediaeval maniac.
He'll deal with a mediaeval maniac more than he thinks!
First I shall deal with his people.
- Your Excellency?
- Call out the storm troopers.
A little mediaeval entertainment in the ghetto!
At such a time I think it ill-advised.
Such demonstrations demoralise the country.
Indeed?
Since when do you care about the ghetto?
I speak in the interests of our party and the cause of humanity.
You need a holiday.
Fresh air.
A little outdoor exercise.
I'll send you to a concentration camp.
Place Schultz under arrest.
Very well, but remember my words.
Your cause is doomed to failure because it is built on the stupid persecution of innocent people.
Your policy is worse than a crime.
It's a tragic blunder.
Traitor! 
Traitor!
You're a double-dyed democrat!
Schultz, why have you forsaken me?
Excellency, here are the notes for your speech.
I'll not need them.
What I say will not be directed to the children of the double-cross but to the children of Israel!
That Hynkel isn't such a bad fellow after all.
Most amusing.
Get a Hynkel badge!
A Hynkel badge!
A fine photo on each!
- We'd better go home.
- Yeah.
Let's hurry.
Wait a minute.
What's that?
Turn off the radio.
The storm troopers!
- Bar that door!
- Get some water!
Get the women and children upstairs.
Lock all the doors.
You men, stay right here.
We'Ve got to make a stand.
We might as well die as live like this.
Wait a minute.
We have a social call to make here.
Wait a minute!
Schultz gave strict orders not to molest anyone in this court.
These Jews attacked us.
I don't care.
Orders were to keep out.
You saw that!
I can't help it. 
Schultz's orders.
Let's get going.
Orders or not, I'm going to get that girl.
Out!
Schultz arrested!
Hear that?
He's arrested Commander Schultz.
- A Jew corrupted our commander.
- Let's kill the louse!
Schultz is accused of treason, and you know why.
Schultz was a friend of that barber.
Let's get the barber!
We want the barber!
It's the storm troopers!
- Get on the roof.
- No.
- They'll kill you!
- I'll fight.
Don't be a fool, you'll be murdered. 
Get on the roof.
All right, here we are.
Smash in the door!
Come on, we'll give the barber a haircut!
Where are the bombs?
There goes the barbershop!
Never mind. 
We can start again.
We can go to Osterlich.
That's still free.
Mr Jaeckel says it's beautiful.
Wonderful green fields, and they grow apples and grapes.
His brother's got a vineyard.
Mr Jaeckel said he'd take me with him.
Now we can all go together.
It'll be wonderful living in the country, much better than a smoky old city.
And if we work hard and don't eat much, we can save money and buy a chicken farm.
There's money to be made in chickens.
Look at that star!
Isn't it beautiful!
Hynkel with all his power can never touch that.
All right, the coast is clear.
Commander Schultz escaped.
He's hiding in my cellar.
He's holding a meeting at midnight and he wants you to be there.
Hannah, you come and help Mrs Jaeckel with the supper.
All right, I'll be down.
I don't understand it.
This crazy midnight supper...
What does this Schultz want of us?
- He wants us to blow up the palace.
- What?
We Jewish people shouldn't get mixed up in such a business.
I know it but Schultz has them all hypnotised.
- I knew he was up to some mischief.
- Sure he is.
I found him putting a coin in one of your puddings.
Don't worry, I've fixed everything.
Wait and see.
Gentlemen, may I claim your indulgence for a moment?
We are here tonight to rid the country of a tyrant.
In order to carry this out one of us must die.
In ancient times the Aryan tribe of the Langobardians made human sacrifice to the god Thor.
At a feast by lottery the victim was chosen.
Tonight, at this feast, one of you will be chosen.
Each man will receive a pudding.
Concealed in one of these is a coin.
Whoever gets it must give up his life but he will join the long line of history's noble martyrs and will rid his country of a tyrant.
I know that it is the wish of all of us to be chosen this night to die for Tomainia.
Much as I should like to participate in this ordeal, I cannot...
Why?
Don't you understand?
He's too well known.
It must be somebody like us.
I can't see it like that.
It is a question of my honour.
It is very embarrassing.
Commander Schultz, I apologise for my friend.
Let me say, on behalf of myself and the others, that we consider it a great privilege to die for our country.
Very well, then.
Gentlemen, I shall now retire until fate has chosen the liberator.
Until then... 
Hail Hynk...
What am I saying?
Gentlemen, we have pledged our honour.
Proceed!
Gentlemen, the coin is here!
What's the meaning of this?
Somebody made a fool of us.
- I did.
- What?
I put a coin in every pudding.
Blowing up palaces and wanting to kill people!
We're in enough trouble!
Hannah's right.
We've all been foolish.
Our place is at home, looking after our own affairs.
The papers say Schultz may be in the ghetto.
Here, read it for yourself.
Hannah, read that.
"Mystery surrounds the disappearance of ex-Commander Schultz.
"At police HQ it was believed he may be hiding in the ghetto.
"A certain Jewish barber, reported to be a friend of Schultz,
"is wanted for questioning."
Me?
Only for questioning.
Not too serious.
Meyerberg was only wanted for questioning. 
We never saw him again.
- Who is it?
- It's me, Mr Mann.
Did you hear what they're saying about Schultz hiding in the ghetto?
I know, I know.
Don't you think it's serious if they find him in the house?
Don't you realise there are spies everywhere!
Spies?
What's the matter?
He's wanted for questioning.
Where's the Commander?
In the next room.
If Commander Schultz is found in this house, we'll all go to a concentration camp and have our heads cut off, too!
Am I arguing?
Then get rid of him.
You can't throw him out.
Of course not.
But I'd like to know how long he's going to stay here.
Your breakfast is on the table.
Thank you. 
I haVe breakfast waiting at home.
Search every house.
- What now?
- They're looking for Schultz.
He's in one of these houses.
They're always looking for somebody.
It's me. 
Let me in.
The storm troopers are searching every house.
Tell the Commander.
- Did you tell him?
- Yes.
- What is it?
- The storm troopers.
- What?
- You'd both better get on the roof.
We can't leave all these things.
All of you, pack my cases.
You pack that.
Clear this shelf.
Pack this and this.
This mustn't be found.
Open the door.
They're here! 
Get up on the roof.
Nothing left behind!
- My golf clubs!
- The hatbox!
- Take this.
- Come on, let's hurry!
- Where are you going?
- With him.
You'll see him later.
- I'll meet you tonight.
- All right.
Take this.
Quick!
Open in the name of Hynkel!
Stop!
Look where you are!
I can't see, wait a moment.
My bag!
It's right here. 
Here it is.
Don't drop the other one.
My golf clubs, not my golf clubs!
Come here. 
They'll see you.
Quick, this way!
Woah, steady!
- Now be careful.
- Yes, sir.
Lucky you didn't break your neck.
You'll pardon me.
I'm sorry.
You guard the back. 
Wait a minute!
I'll have to bother you again.
There he is.
How are you?
So-so.
Here's your friend.
Your silence will be appreciated.
Take him to the wagon.
Where are you going?
Smoking room.
Come on, this way!
Osterlich!
I am pleased to announce that we are at last ready to march on Osterlich.
This was made possible by the genius of Field Marshal Herring, upon whom I shall now pin a token of my regard.
Turn around. 
No!
Gentlemen.
To Field Marshal Herring!
To the invasion of Osterlich!
Elephant!
Wait.
Napaloni's army is on the Osterlich front.
60,000 men are on the border.
To take Osterlich!
I can't believe it.
You can't believe it!
You let him steal a march on us.
I had the ground covered.
Declare war on Napaloni!
Mobilise every division of the army and air force.
Attack Bacteria at once!
- But...
- Do as I tell you!
- Madness.
- Shut up!
Will you sign this?
What is it?
A declaration of war.
Yes. 
A pen!
I'll sign it.
A pen!
I'll sign it! 
Napaloni...
- It's Napaloni.
- Wait a minute.
Napaloni?
You talk to him.
What'll I say?
Be nice, affable, pleasant.
Well, well, how are you?
No, he hasn't been playing much.
You went round in 92?
His Excellency?
Just now he's a little hoarse.
No, I mean he can't talk.
May I take a message?
He says no doubt you'Ve heard about Osterlich.
He wants to discuss it.
Ask him to come here.
His Excellency invites you to Tomainia to discuss the matter.
Very well.
I'll make the arrangements.
He's coming.
Good.
We'll put on the greatest military show the world has ever known.
Napaloni will leave the invasion of Osterlich to me.
And this?
- What is it?
- Your declaration of war.
Peace is declared!
2,975,000 eager citizens are massed in the station square awaiting Benzino Napaloni,
Entering the station is our Phooey, ready to greet his guest,
This will cement the friendship between our Phooey and the Dictator of Bacteria,
His Excellency is about to greet the Bacterian ambassador,
How do you do?
Garbitsch...
See about the photography.
Tell the press to see that our Phooey is well photographed.
- Not the back of his head!
- Yes, sir.
Napaloni's train is coming into the station,
From a pink and white carriage
Napaloni and his wife will step out and Adenoid Hynkel will deliver his address of welcome,
What's all this mix-up-a?
They'Ve gone too far.
At ease!
Bring the carpet.
Why can't-a we get out here?
No-a carpet.
Who cares?
Me, Napaloni, I never get out without a carpet.
Lay it down here. 
Quick.
- It's going back.
- What?
Let's get out while it's stopping.
Shut up!
Take it away!
Stay here until they've made up their minds.
You got-a da carpet. 
Put it down!
Here he is.
- My friend!
- Napaloni!
This is indeed a pleasure.
Welcome to Tomainia. 
This way.
Pictures!
Sure. 
Salute!
Another, please.
This is a pleasure, my friend Hynkel.
You want another?
There.
Where's-a my ambassador?
Hello, Spook.
How do you feel?
Look after mamma.
Hynky, did you meet-a my wife?
That's her. 
Let's go.
Tomainia... very nice, very nice.
Your clock is-a slow.
This way.
It's-a very nice people.
The people are very nice.
Thank you.
He's my husband!
You make a mistake!
You make a big-a mistake!
Napaloni's army shall not invade Osterlich. 
It belongs to me!
We shall not discuss the Osterlich situation.
This interview is to impress on him the force of your personality.
To make him feel your superiority.
Napaloni is aggressive, domineering.
We must put him in his place.
But how?
By means of psychology.
By making him feel inferior.
This can be done subtly.
For instance,
I haVe arranged that he'll be looking up at you, you looking down at him.
His position will be inferior.
Then again we shall seat him here beside your bust so that if you relax that will always be glaring at him.
Where is he now?
Resting.
I have arranged that he will enter from the far end of the room.
Another psychological triumph.
He will have the embarrassment of walking the entire floor.
Signor Napaloni is now leaving his room,
He's coming.
Quick, give me a flower.
At all times be above him, before him.
Entering or leaving you must be first.
Hello, Hynky!
How are you feel?
My brother dictate!
You're a nice-a little man.
I'm so glad to see you again.
And my friend the Garbitsch!
This is a lovely place.
I feel-a fine.
I just had a nice cold shower.
When you have the plumbing fixed it'll be in good shape.
Won't you sit down?
Well, Hynky, my dictator friend, you.
I must be a-growing!
What do they give me? 
A baby stool?
This is not for me.
I like it better upstairs.
Garbitsch, this is a lovely country.
Very nice-a people.
I thought the public enthusiastic.
Sure. 
They like to see new faces.
I'm sorry for the mishap that occurred to Madam Napaloni.
What's that?
I'm sorry for the Napaloni that occurred at the... at...
Madam Napaloni at the station.
She's not used to public life.
She can't take it.
Match.
I'm sorry...
Don't apologise. 
I find-a one.
I'm simply crazy about this palace.
ivory and gold.
A lovely combination.
Gets away from that gingerbread idea.
Tell me something, Garbitsch, what's on the programme?
The grand ball this evening.
And a review of the army.
That won't take-a long!
I'm afraid it will.
So you got a big army, huh?
Modesty forbids.
Seems I've heard about it.
I think I'll get me a shave.
We have a barbershop.
Is that so?
You look blue under the gills.
What do you say we go together?
- Delighted.
- Good!
Very well, this way.
This is it. 
I can-a smell 'em.
This is-a very sweet.
It was the library.
A good barbershop.
- Too old-fashioned.
- Is that so?
When I get shaved I like something to look at.
So I'm putting in glass walls.
This way, I shall have a view of the mountains.
And this, a view through the glass ceiling.
- What's above?
- The ballroom.
In my summer palace I haVe a barbershop.
Is that so?
Also with glass walls.
You don't tell me!
With goldfish inside.
Goldfish swimming inside the walls?
How do you feed them?
You can't, they're all dead.
That's why I'm building a new one.
- Very interesting!
- You like it?
The Hynkel stadium, Before half a million spectators the greatest ever display of arms marches by in review,
Our beloved Phooey and I'll-Dig-a-Ditchy are seated, thrilled by this historic event,
What?
Nothing. 
I'm just chewing.
Some peanuts?
- I'Ve had some.
- Good shape.
Here you are, Spook.
Now passing, Tomainia's heavy artillery,
It's all right.
I want to show you my new bombing planes. 
They're coming over.
- Where from?
- Aroma.
Aroma? 
That's 400 miles away.
Right.
I don't know what's detaining them.
Now passing, Tomainia's light artillery,
Very light!
And here come the armoured tanks, the pride of Tomainia's army,
The latest design, the last word in modern warfare,
Where's the propellers?
For going under the water!
Under water?
You never heard of tanks that go under the water and fly up-a stairs?
- What's that?
- Under the water and in the air.
Obsolete now! 
We're concentrating on flying dreadnoughts.
- What's that?
- My planes!
Now passing, Hynkel's flying division number 34,
Our planes!
You're right. 
They're yours.
Garbitsch!
The invasion of Osterlich.
Our troops, tanks and guns will be hidden along the border.
To disarm suspicion, you will go hunting.
Then you will show up at Pretzelburg, meet the army, step into a car and cross over into Osterlich.
Herring and I will be waiting at the capital.
First Napaloni must remove his troops.
To be decided tonight.
Where is Napaloni?
I'll look for him.
It might be advisable for you to dance with Madam Napaloni.
It'll carry weight.
You mean I will!
You find him!
And let me know at once.
- Madam Napaloni...
- Your Excellency!
Why so triste?
Because I no speak.
No? 
May I haVe the pleasure?
Allow me.
Madam, your dancing was superb.
Excellent.
Very good.
Good.
- My dear Adenoid.
- Benzino!
I've been looking for you.
Let's go to some quiet place where we can talk-a things over.
- As you wish.
- An excellent idea. 
To the buffet!
Of course, this way.
There's a Tomainian proverb...
Funny. 
I wish I understand it.
Now about the border.
Yes. 
No problem.
It should be no trouble.
- What's the matter?
- Wait.
You, too. 
Out!
Out.
- So... the border question.
- Yes.
It's just a matter of detail.
Formalities.
Strawberries!
- Have you any English mustard?
- English mustard.
- That's da hot-a stuff?
- Very hot.
Good shape.
Cream.
Hynky, I'm going to make this very simple.
You agree not to invade Osterlich,
I agree not to invade Osterlich.
We sign, then I remove my troops from the border.
When your troops are gone, I sign.
That's-a right.
Just a minute, you don't understand.
First we sign, then I remoVe-a da troops.
- Precisely. 
I sign after.
- Just a minute.
Hey, Spook, treaty.
Hold-a dis.
Now, look, you sign-a dis treaty first.
Then I remove my troops after.
Why are we arguing?
You said I remove first.
I can't sign while they're there.
- I won't remove them till you sign.
- Why not?
- Why should I?
- Osterlich is a free country!
Your soldiers are there.
And they'll stay until you sign.
I'll blow them off.
This won't get us anywhere.
To quote an old Latin phrase...
Strawberries!
Where's-a my sandwich?
Another one!
I don't get this treatment in my own joint!
Can't we discuss this without passion?
I'm not-a passionate. 
I'm just...
I want him to sign the treaty.
What would my people think, signing such a treaty when your soldiers are on the border?
I won't move until you sign!
Not until you clear the border will I sign!
Then they remain.
Then I kick them off.
One move from you and my artillery will blow you to pieces!
And my aeroplanes will bomb your artillery like that!
You want-a start a world war?
You and the world I'll throw in the ocean!
Strawberries!
Your Excellency, we have...
I got-a my guns here in the pass and I'll blow him to pieces.
What's the matter? 
What ails you?
This isn't like you.
Hey, Garbitsch, come here.
What's with Hynky?
Mustard on his strawberries.
What else can you expect from Hynky?
My little bambino!
The Bacterian...
Tomainia...
You cannot treat Bacteria this way.
I'll take the Bacterian people and tear them apart, like this!
Look what he's doing!
It's an insult to my people!
He's-a tearing spaghetti!
He sign-a the treaty or we have a war!
Give me a-something!
Quick, give me a-something!
- I have an appointment.
- What's this?
Press.
How's the conference progressing?
Very successfully.
How did you get in?
How did he get here?
You know the regulations about reporters.
No one is to enter the palace under any circumstances, understand?
There are minor details to be cleaned up...
Excuse me, we're busy.
The whole world will know we're fighting!
- So what?
- Can't we come to an agreement?
When he signs.
I sign nothing.
I must speak to you alone.
Do you mind?
Mind? 
I don't mind!
Sign! 
Sign!
He'll have the advantage.
It's a mere scrap of paper.
When his troops are off the border, we can move in.
I'll sign.
What? 
Hold-a this.
Ah, my little Hynky!
My dictator brother!
I knew we haVe-a no trouble.
Two prisoners escaped in officers' uniforms.
Sound the alarm!
Two prisoners escaped.
The planes are searching for us.
The woods.
No, the open.
The border's that way.
The invasion of Osterlich.
Now or never.
Ducks.
Did you hear that?
It came from over there.
A yodeller.
Where did you get that outfit?
- What?
- Don't answer back!
Where's Schultz?
You won't talk, eh?
- He will when we get him to camp.
- Come on.
There it is.
The village of Pretzelburg.
If we can pass through there we're safe.
Through the woods?
They're swarming with soldiers.
They'd suspect us at once.
If you see anyone, don't look right or left.
We must bluff our way through.
Here they come.
Can you see what they're doing?
- Looking this way.
- Keep going!
They're following us. 
Shall we run?
Certainly not.
Just a little bit?
Keep walking!
We could walk faster.
Make up your mind.
Slow down?
- No!
- There's no hurry.
He's here!
Sound assembly!
Attention!
Present arms!
Turn back?
No, keep going!
Hail Hynkel!
Your Excellency, everything is under control.
- Good.
- Good.
I have been in communication with Marshal Herring in Osterlich.
The route is well guarded. 
Behind us are 200 tanks, 50 armoured cars and 500 machine-guns.
- Good.
- Good.
Are we ready to start?
- Yes.
- Yes.
Gentlemen.
Schultz, I'm happy you're with us again.
Thank you.
Where are we going?
You're invading Osterlich.
They're coming.
Your Excellency.
The world awaits your words.
What's happened?
He looks strange.
What's Schultz doing here?
Pardoned, I suppose.
His Excellency Herr Garbitsch,
Secretary of the Interior, Minister of Propaganda...
Corona veniet delectis,
Victory shall come to the worthy.
Today, democracy, liberty and equality are words to fool the people.
No nation can progress with such ideas.
They stand in the way of action.
Therefore, we abolish them.
In the future, each man will serve the state with absolute obedience.
Let him who refuses beware!
Citizenship will be taken away from all Jews and non-Aryans.
They are inferior and therefore enemies of the state.
It is the duty of all true Aryans to hate and despise them.
This nation is annexed to the Tomainian Empire, and the people will obey the laws bestowed on us by our great leader,
the Dictator of Tomainia, the conqueror of Osterlich, the future Emperor of the World!
You must speak.
I can't.
You must. 
It's our only hope.
Hope...
I'm sorry but I don't want to be an emperor.
That's not my business.
I don't want to rule or conquer anyone.
I should like to help everyone:
Jew, gentile, black man, white.
We all want to help one another.
Human beings are like that.
We want to live by each other's happiness, not misery.
We don't want to hate one another.
In this world, the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone.
The way of life can be free and beautiful but we have lost the way.
Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into bloodshed.
We have developed speed but have shut ourselves in.
Machinery has left us in want.
Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness, hard and unkind.
We think too much and feel too little.
More than machinery we need humanity.
More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness.
Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost...
The aeroplane and radio have brought us closer.
These inventions cry out for the goodness in man, cry out for universal brotherhood, for the unity of us all.
even now my voice is reaching millions, millions of despairing men, women and children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.
To those who can hear me I say, do not despair.
The misery upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress.
The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took will return to the people.
So long as men die liberty will never perish.
Soldiers, don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you, enslave you, regiment your lives, tell you what to think and feel, who drill you, treat you like cattle and use you as cannon fodder.
Don't give yourselves to these men, machine men with machine minds and machine hearts.
You are not machines, you are not cattle, you are men!
You have the love of humanity in you.
Don't hate. 
Only the unloved and the unnatural hate.
Soldiers, don't fight for slavery, fight for liberty!
St Luke says, "The Kingdom of God is within man."
Not in one man nor a group of men, but in all men. 
In you!
You have the power to create machines, the power to create happiness.
You have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.
In the name of democracy, let us use that power.
Let us all unite, let us fight for a new world, a world that will give men a chance to work, that will give youth a future and old age security.
Promising these things, brutes have risen.
But they lie! 
They do not fulfil that promise. 
They never will!
Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people.
Now let us fight to fulfil that promise!
Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance.
Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to the happiness of all.
Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us unite!
Hannah, can you hear me?
wherever you are, look up, Hannah.
The clouds are lifting, the sun is breaking through.
We are coming out of the darkness into a new world, a kindlier world, where men will rise above their hate, their greed and their brutality.
Look up, Hannah.
The soul of man has been given wings.
He is flying into the rainbow, into the light of hope, into the future, the glorious future that belongs to you, to me and to all of us.
Look up, Hannah. 
Look up!
Did you hear that?
Listen...
Subtitles by Howard Bonsor
Subtitling by TVS 
- TITRA FILM

SWING IT, TEACHER!
Prime chalkto make you hoarse!
Two for a farthing, or chalk it up!
Wait till you see the new song teacher, he might be dishy!
Don't kid yourself. 
They always have glasses, galoshes and an umbrella!
Hey, fix your own chalk!
- Acke!
Good morning!
- Prime chalkto make you hoarse!
- No, thanks.
- Don't you want to skip singing?
- No.
- Has Inga converted you?
- Don't be silly, Acke.
Want some?
Where's your solidarity?
!
Hey, don't mess your sister up, she's got a film star voice!
Have a piece of chalk!
- Prime chalk!
Good morning! 
What's that?
Chalk?
! 
Naughty, naughty!
Singing auditions today, eh?
The bell! 
In you go!
AGDA LOFBECKS COMPREHENSIVE SCHOOL
Agda Lofbeck's Comprehensive...
and who founded it? 
You or I?
- You, of course, Agda dear.
- Exactly. 
And who is Agda Lbfbeck?
- You or I?
- Definitely not me.
I just became a pedagogic prince consort on our marriage.
Headmaster!
- With no authority!
William, no red herrings! 
You were a fool to hire that song teacher.
Don't be so sure, Agda.
You only said "hello" to him...
That was quite enough! 
I sensed immediately that he's unreliable!
He'll cause trouble, you mark my words!
Done your homework?
So you don't falter like yesterday?
- No... yes... yes!
- Good!
He's coming!
No, no, no!
The new song books are here.
You can buythem from me, in the caretaker's room.
What, is there any chalk left?
I thought you ate it all.
What a guy, eh?
!
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
I'm the new song teacher.
In case anyone hasn't realized...
- Bravo!
- Give over!
Don't bother...
Be seated, please.
So we'll...
Well, I never!
"Welcome, sir." Thank you.
Very kind. 
So, my name's Bergman.
If that really matters...
I suspect it's as it was in my day, you give teachers other names, eh?
- Yes!
- So let's get that out of the way.
Anyone got a good nickname for me, then?
An'! 
Suggestions?
Don't be shy, now!
Right, here we go!
Oh... nothing there?
- Yes? 
Go ahead.
- Can we call sir "Tango 'Tache"?
No!
Well, I'm no good at the tango...
Any other suggestions?
Yes...?
Your entrance made quite a buzz.
We should call sir "Buzz".
Yes! 
Yes!
That's very flattering. 
Do you think I should be called "Buzz", then?
Yes! 
Yes!
Right, then. 
Theme song:
"Need a hand? 
Give me a Buzz!"
And now to business. 
Song auditions.
When I call your name  you come up here and sing something you know, and like.
I'll start with Anderson... 
Ebba.
Don't be shy. 
Stand here...
Sing for me, please.
- "Sleep, my little willow bud..." 
- Shush!
Thank you, Ebba, dear.
We'll let the willow bud sleep...
Yourvoice is breaking. 
Sit at the back, we'll have non-singers there.
Next: 
Anderson... 
Tu re.
"See Black Rudolf, a-dancing, he bows his head and smiles..."
Excellent. 
Block-busting notes.
Anderson can be an opera-singer!
- I intend to!
- Sit on the singers' bench, then!
And then we have Blomqvist... 
Beda.
"Falling in..." —Yes... "in..."
again, neverwanted to, Can't help it.
A sweet little voice. 
Go and "help" Black Rudolf over there, Beda.
Right... 
Danell. 
Axel...
Sing of the joys of student days, Rejoice at the spring of youth.
Some day! 
Open wide...
White spots... 
I wonder why?
- My voice is breaking.
- Singers' bench!
- Really?
!
- You'll be fine, "Chalkie"...
And then Danell, Inga...
Siblings? 
Does hoarseness run in the family?
!
- Oh, no.
- You may begin.
Once upon a time there was a school teacher of song a kind and gentle soul was he.
Excellent! 
Carry on...
The only thing the pupils sang were scales, yes, all day long
Lessons became a bind.
But then one day a pupil she really did see red.
Found courage and she stood right up and said:
Swing it now, teacher, swing it, It's the modern melody!
Be like us, gay and free, Don't say no to all this energy!
Swing it now, teacher, swing it!
This is the modern song, Everybody, alljoin in:
Re-de-da, de-la, de-la-da-za-za!
Ba, ba, black sheep, there...
No, no, that's not at all for us!
No! 
Shadela-dada, do-zey, do-zaza skideli-vadelada is the only stuff!
Swing it now, teacher, swing it!
"in the forests lurk wild beasts such as bear, wolf, elk, lynx-"
"and marten, the latter particularly in Eastern Siberia."
Quiet!
What's this nonsense?
!
Study this chapter till I come back!
Swing it now, teacher, swing it.
This is the modern song.
Everybody, alljoin in:
Ra-da-da, dela, dada-da!
Ba, ba, black sheep, there.
No, no, that's not at all for us!
No! 
Shadela-dada, do-zey, do-zaza skideli-vadelada is the only stuff!
Swing it now, teacher, swing it!
It's the modern melody.
Rhythm andjoy and party mood!
Listen now, try it out:
Swing it, swing it, now teacher, swing...
- What's going on here?
!
- Well, itwas me, I... 
I...
- Sorry, it was me...
- Quiet! 
- I'll talk to Mr Bergman  this afternoon.
- Afternoon.
Affnoon... 
This afternoon!
— Quiet!
Ah, well...
Don't worry, sir, she's always like that.
Well, well... got yourvoice back?
Right, Svensson is now charged.
Watch his hair... 
- Don't be scared.
I'm positive. 
In fact, I'm positive that I'm positive...
And Svensson is negative, has been ever since he started school...
Master, a staff meeting at 4 o'clock.
- At four? 
I'll be departed then...
- Departed?
- "Bon shoe, monsieur".
- No, no, Greta. "Bonjour..."
- A staff meeting at four, master.
- Not "stuff", Gustafsson, "sta-aff".
No, no, quieten down, or I'll tell the Headmistress.
Headmaster, staff meeting at four.
- That's more like it!
- Miss Jonson, staff meeting at four.
Tasty!
- Miss Larsson, staff meeting at four.
- What's up now'?
- The new song teacher blundered.
- And he looked so nice...
Offwith you now, then.
No, here...
From the beginning...
Why so upset, Agda, dear?
"Ba, ba, black sheep" is delightful.
Yes, but the way she sang that sweet ditty: "Ba, ba, black sheep..."
"Bom-bam—biddy-bada-bom—bombom...
swing." Come along... we can talk about it tomorrow.
Fine...
Ladies and gentlemen, the Headmistress has the floor...
- Will I be expelled, sir?
- No, it's not that bad... 
- Goodbye.
But there can be trouble...
What if sir has to leave?
!
We'll both stay, don't worry.
- Goodbye...
Hallo! 
Hallo!
May I have the bill... the floor.
I find it pointless to judge a case we've not heard. 
My dear sister did  try to imitate the Danell girl, but it reminds me of the man  whose son went to America and heard the great Caruso.
On his return he imitated him, and the father said: "How awful."
- Carl-Otto, don't try to be funny.
- Lt's not me, it's the story!
I suggest we call in our colleague Bergman and the Danell girl  and have them sing this "dreadful" ditty, and then we'll discuss it.
- Splendid. 
What do you think?
- No. 
But if Carl-Otto can't see...
Send Bergman and the girl in.
- Stop smoking that nasty cigar.
- It's a good one, cost fourpence.
- Lt stinks. 
No smoking. 
Put it out!
Bother!
- Well, Mr Bergman and Miss Danell...
- You're to play and sing that ditty  you executed earlier. 
Exactly as earlier. 
There's the piano!
Once upon a time there was a school teacher of song a kind and gentle soul was he.
The only thing the pupils sang were scales, yes, all day long
Lessons became a bind.
But then one day a pupil she really did see red.
Found courage and she stood right up and said:
Swing it now, teacher, swing it, It's the modern melody!
Be like us, gay and free, Don't say no to all this energy!
Swing it now, teacher, swing it!
This is the modern song, Everybody, alljoin in:
Ra-da-da, de-la, de-la-da-za-za!
Ba, ba, black sheep, there...
No, no, that's not at all for us!
No! 
Shadela-dada, do-zey, do-zaza skideli-vadelada is the only stuff!
Swing it now, teacher, swing it!
It's the modern melody.
Rhythm andjoy and party mood!
Listen now, try it out:
Swing it, swing it, now teacher, swing...
Bravo! 
Bravo!
Quiet! 
- Mr Bergman and Inga, wait in the corridor.
Great! 
Superb! 
Awonderful girl.
I've never had such fun in here!
Keep your emotions to yourself, we need to judge this seriously.
Lam serious. 
A delightful girl!
And the song was bright and gay.
The school should be proud to have such a songbird in it's "cage".
That's quite enough, Carl-Otto.
What does Master Furu béck think?
I have to agree with my colleague Léfbeck. 
Mademoiselle Danell is-
"une chanteuse de|icieuse"...
- Say "cute", so we all understand.
When we need a translation, we'll ask! 
- And?
She reminds me ofa French girl I met at the Sorbonne, called...
- Thank you. 
No student tales!
- "Pardon".
- Miss Jonson?
- L thought it was a jaunty tune!
That's my opinion. 
Ask me about beef stew or omelettes, "my" domain  and you expect an answer, but on morals and music, I'm "impossible"!
Well said!
Well...
Does Miss Larsson have any views?
Well, I'm hardly a "swing fan", but those who practice that art form  should be free to do so.
- Art form?
! "Bla-bla-blibbedy-bla."
Bravo, Agda! 
Marvellous!
Singing swing in music lessons might be questionable, but to talk of  expelling little Inga is like shooting bugs with a canon.
And such a sweet little bug!
If it disturbs you, Headmistress, a word from the Head would suffice.
Ah, a motion at last. 
Miss Larsson proposes we address the matter  with a spoken warning to the song teacher and the pupil Danell.
- Are we agreed?
- Yes... 
Yes...
- We've decided Mr Bergman can stay.
- "We"? 
Who?
- Really?
!
- Mn-yes.
- Sorry, sir, but I'm so happy.
- No harm done. 
On the contrary!
Mn-right, we're staying!
AUTUMN SHOW
Well, I never! 
Sold out already?
No, it'sjust an advertising gimmick. 
To boost sales.
We haven't sold one yet.
We kick off tomorrow.
Lots of bookings, though.
Mums and dads, aunts and so on.
- But I'll get my usual tickets?
- Of course, Mr. Gustafsson.
Thanks.
- Ah, good, sir...
- What's this? 
A show?
Our usual Autumn Show. 
Actually, the society is meeting after school.
- We wondered if sir could attend?
- Me? 
Can I be of any help?
- Sir might have some useful views.
- Really?
Absolutely. 
We hoped sir might help polish up ourtalents.
- Song, music and bits and pieces.
- I can help with the song and music.
- The bits and pieces I leave to you!
- Thanks a lot, sir!
- So Danell is chairman?
- You bet. 
Entrusted by the society.
- Almost unanimously...
- Only "almost"?
- 47 to 1.
- Who voted against you?
My sister. 
She nombinated Svenne Holmkvist, she had a crush on him.
- Just between the two of us.
- Right. 
Strictly confidential.
- But who did you vote for?
- Well, for safety's sake, sir...
- I bet the Prime Minister does that!
- Most probably!
Welcome at four o'clock, sir!
I must dash, I'm so busy...
Don't let me detain you...
Mr. Chairman!
Ladies and gentlemen!
Pipe down over there!
- Excuse me, sir...
- What...?
- Sorry, Mr. Chairman.
- Don't mention it.
I declare this meeting open!
- Note that in the minutes.
I bid you welcome, especially Mr. Bergman and Miss Larsson.
A hearty welcome!
You're well aware of our meeting's business: the Autumn Show.
We've advertised giant attractions and surprises from start to finish.
So get on your high horses;
best foot forward.
The debate is now opened.
- Mr Chairman?
- Smutte Lindstrbm has the floor.
Can't we borrow the horse from Karl Gerhard's Revue?
- Did it do any tricks?
- No, it was a wooden horse.
Mum and Dad said it was sensational.
The police took it!
Excuse my interrupting, but that Trojan Horse is nothing for us.
- It was a political statement.
- No, Smutte. 
No politics at school!
We want a fun show.
Next!
- Mr Chairman!
- Olga Patterson...
- I thinkwe can borrow uncle's pony.
- Ls it Swedish?
- Born on Gland.
- Good, neutrality's important.
Note: 
Pony, Swedish nationality.
Next?
- Mr. Chairman!
- Mr. Chairman!
Sorry, sir, Shorty Sjiiberg was first. 
Yes, Shorty?
Well... 
I...
I agree with the last speaker...
- Oh, no...
- Order!
Silence, or I'll throw you all out!
Sir has the floor...
I haven't been here long and don't know how you do your Autumn Shows.
But why not start with an overture by the boys' orchestra?
Yes!
Followed by a gymnastics display by Miss Larsson's excellent girls.
That's no fun!
Gymnastics is boys' stuff!
Filip Johansson, leave this meeting!
Out! 
Interruptions are not allowed!
I'd better watch my words, so I don't get thrown out.
Micke, your mum's here, you have to go home.
Say I'm in a meeting, can't be disturbed.
Have you thought that we have a future singing star, Inga Danell?
- She sings well, eh?
- Yes!
- She should be a main attraction!
- Yes!
Inga, do "Swing it, teacher!"
No, the Headmistress wasn't amused.
Better choose something else.
And anotherthing... 
Did you know your physics teacher Liifbeck  is a great magician?
- Is he?
!
Ask him nicely, and he'll do a conjuring number.
Thanks, sir, I'll talkto him tomorrow.
- Mr. Chairman!
- Sonja Holmkvist...
My aunt yodels well.
Can she be in it?
- Girls shouldn't speak at meetings!
- What did you say?
!
If they must speak, we shouldn't attach any significance to it.
You're rotten!
Mr. Chairman!
Yes? 
The speaker did not include Miss Larsson there!
Mr. Bergman spoke of a gym display...
Micke, come straight home! 
Dinner's on the table, and Dad is furious!
- Bye, then.
- Will the vice-secrete ry take over?
Sit down.
- Ready?
- Sure!
Continue, Miss Larsson. 
Sorry about the interruption, but Mums are Mums!
The gym display, I have an idea.
|fyou'|| entrust us two  to put our heads together, we might think up a surprise.
- Yes!
- Thank you. 
A brilliant suggestion.
|'m sure that if you put your heads together real hard  it will be an enormous success, of hitherto unseen proportions!
That concludes item 1, the Autumn Show.
Mr. Bergman and Miss Larsson have no interest in our other items...
- So you'd prefer we left...
- Exactly.
On behalf of the society, thank you very much.
- Yet another enjoyable meeting.
- "Welcome in, welcome out." Kids...
- I'm glad they threw us out.
- Oh, why?
- So I can talkto you.
- You do that every day!
- "Good morning, Miss Larsson..." 
- Once I asked: "How are you?"
- And you replied: "Fide, thadks." - l had an awful cold!
Kids make friends so easily, we just stare at each other...
- What do we do about that?
- Play "Hop-Scotch"!
Let loose, have some "chow", as my boys would say.
- "Great", my girls would say!
- What time do you get hungry?
- Six o'clock.
- L'm hungry all clay! 
But I'll wait!
- I agree with the Headmistress...
- Surely not... 
Er, what about?
- You're not the music teacher type.
- L'm not? 
What's wrong with me?
Nothing. 
On the contrary.
But you're just not the type.
- One's more inclined to think...
- To thinkwhat?
- That you're just a jazz musician.
- "Just". 
I see...
- Goodness! 
I forgot my meeting...
- You're not leaving?
!
- Shame. 
The Teachers' Association...
- l've seen no notice...
Did they forget you?
No, it's male teachers only...
My bill, please!
Where's ourwaiter?
!
Could you please settle the bill for me... here's 20 Crowns...
What a pity I have to go.
Such pleasant company...
It's my loss. 
Thanks for your kindness. 
Goodbye... 
Don't be angry!
- What's this? 
Where's the pianist?
- He'll be here any minute...
We start at nine. 
And he missed rehearsal. 
We have a new soloist.
- He'll manage...
- Ah, there you are!
- Sorry, I got held up.
- This had better be the last time!
Ready?
Ladies and Gentlemen, May I present my latest little find  who I'm sure will sing her way straight into your hearts.
Miss Linda Loy!
Ling Lee from Japan, and Susan, an American  the two of them were oh, so deep in love.
But her darling Ling, couldn't dance to swing  so our Susan sang this little song:
Swing, Ling Lee, swing a leg now, look at me, and you'll learn how.
Because if you can't swing, Ling Lee Then you ain't nothing for me!
Swing, Ling Lee, get the rhythm, follow me, promise given:
Swing Ling Lee, I'll make you mine Yes, now it's all goin' fine!
Ling with roots in the Ming dynasty At great haste, a swing enthusiast.
Swing, Ling Lee, swing a leg now Look at me, and you'll learn how.
Swing Ling Lee, I'll make you mine, 'Cos now it's all goin' fine!
Swing, Ling Lee, swing a leg now, Look at me, and you'll learn how.
Swing Ling Lee, I'll make you mine, 'Cos now it's all goin' fine!
Now it's all goin' fine!
- Promise not to tell at school, sir.
- I don't like you performing there.
- How did you end up at Shanghai?
- I answered an ad, and gotthejob.
- Not surprising. 
What does Dad say?
- I only have Mum. 
She said "yes".
You see, private schools cost a lot.
Acke's and my fees, and books...
I see... 
Well, in away, we're in the same boat.
- What do you mean, sir?
- L don't play at Shanghai for fun!
- L need extra income, Miss Danell.
- Don't say "Miss Danell", sir...
- "Miss Loy", then?
- No, just call me Inga.
- And what will Inga call me?
- "Sir", of course.
- Exciting, having a secret with sir.
- A secret?
- You promised, sir!
- Mum's the word!
Mr. Gustafsson, can you pass me a hammer, please?
Girls! 
Keep time.
Watch Mr. Bergman.
No, no, no! 
What's this nonsense?
!
Sorry, sir.
I had to test the curtain.
We might as well finish for today.
Off to the showers, girls.
- What do you think, Mr. Bergman?
—|t's looking really good.
- They're not as good as my boys...
- Don't insult my girls! 
I'm like  a tigress protecting her young!
- L'd best watch out for your claws!
- Oh, yes, I have money for you.
- For me?
Change from the 20 Crowns you so kindly entrusted me with.
- So howwas the meeting?
- Boring. 
Mortifying.
I spent the whole evening thinking of you. 
All the time I was playing.
- Playing?
!
_Yes, playing... 
Did I say playing?
Yes, we played bridge.
We always do, after a meeting.
- Shall we finish that dinner today?
- And you dash off at nine?
I have to, sorry. 
Butl promise to tell you the whole ugly truth, if...
No, don't walk underthe ladder.
It's bad luck.
- Do you really fancy a restaurant?
- Hardly. 
I hate restaurants.
- Let's eat at my place, then.
- What a great idea!
- Don't have any high expectations.
- Oh, I'm not demanding as to food.
- Dare you eat my cooking?
- L'm an intrepid type!
- Then you're very welcome!
- Thanks.
Goodness, Mr. Léfbeck, what's this going to be?
Thatwould be telling!
You'll see at the show.
- Never pry into others' secrets!
- Oh, sorry. 
Good afternoon!
Good afternoon.
- Mum, my dress droops...
- What? 
Going out again tonight?
- L have a lesson again.
- Why wear your best dress, though?
That's none of your business!
- Thanks, Mum, dear.
- Can you put your knitting aside?
- Yes... 
But why?
- L'm worried about that girl, Mum.
- Really? 
Why?
Do you knowwhat time she came home last night?
And you believe in lessons till twrelve thirty? 
Know what you are?
- No?
- NaNe.
Don'tworry about Inga.
I'll look after her, Acke.
Mum, you're gullible. 
You don't know the problems girls have at that age.
- Oh, but you do?
- L feel a responsibility.
DearAcke! 
It's nice for Inga and me to have a man in the family.
You can rely on me.
Oh, could I have a few Crowns...
- To go to the cinema with Gbran.
- Just you Mo?
Sonja and Marianne want to go, too.
We hadn't the heartto say no.
I see...
Well, here's 3 Crowns.
- Enough to pay for Marianne, too.
- No, Sonja, of course!
- Hey, there... be home by eleven.
- Twelve, it's Saturday.
- Half past eleven. 
No later!
- Okay. 
Bye, Mum!
Here... "What a tasty morsel!" "Your mistress is a good cook, eh?"
- No, Johansson!
- Johansson?
- Bad boy!
- Oh, the dog...
- What did Mummy say?
- Not on the sofa, she said!
- Excuse me serving out there...
- Not at all. 
Johansson and I agree  that you're a great cook.
The shrimps and the bloater...
I bought them from the shop, but this I cooked myself, so watch out.
Yourself? 
I'm sure it's nice...
I have a huge appetite, don't be alarmed when I polish it all off!
- It isn't tough, is it?
- No, blunt knife. 
I'll try this one.
- Itis tough.
- Oh, no. 
Tender as can be...
You can ogle, Johansson.
Envious, eh?
What about him... is he alone daytimes... when you're at school?
- He's happy with the janitor.
- L see...
Oh, sorry, I forgot to clear the starters...
Johansson...
Oh, Johansson, was it that tough?
- A drop more?
- No, thanks.
Funny howwrong one can be.
I thought you looked so strict...
- I had such respect!
- But no longer?
- Oh, no! 
Well, yes...
- l see.
But nowl know you, you're just like the other girls.
- Oh, thank you very much!
- An ordinary sinner like myself...
You smoke, you... 
What a delicious liqueur, did you make it?
- At least something I made is nice!
- That's cruel.
- Honestly, the steak was tough.
- To be honest, yes, a bit too tough.
- Poor Johansson.
- No, he's used to my cooking!
It wasn't your fault.
Blame the ox, for being so old!
Thanks for a lovely dinner.
Nowforthe washing up.
- Oh, no! 
I'll do it.
- We're colleagues. 
I always help.
- Suit yourself, it's hardly fun.
- It is!
- What a lot of food left!
- Shame. 
I have a tiny appetite...
- What's the time?
- Nine.
Gosh, I must dash to Shanghai!
Best I tell you that ugly truth now!
- L lead a double life.
- So exciting!
Daytimes I'm a simple music teacher.
But at night, when shadows lurk...
It's cap down, collar up, and you peddle liquor!
No, it's not that awful. 
But nearly.
I get changed and rush to Shanghai.
- The jazz place? 
You go there?
- L have to. 
I play in the band.
- Is that so awful?
- Lsn't it?
- You only play there...
- You're sweet.
Imagine the Headmistress' reaction!
Actually, I'm a qualified  cathedral organist, but there are so few cathedrals...
- So I have to work at Shanghai...
- Maybe it's more fun.
Never! 
I'd much rather sing psalms with little kids. 
Bye, I must dash.
- Oh, the washing up...
- L'll do that!
You are sweet. 
Goodbye, my dear... colleague. 
Bye!
It's quarter past!
We'll miss the news and Donald Duck!
- See the matinée tomorrow, you baby!
- Very funny!
- Girls are never in time, you know.
- Hey, they're coming...
- Hi!
- At last!
- Nice boys say "Good evening"!
- Acke's mad at missing Donald Duck!
- Thinking ofa cinema?
- And you?
- Have you heard of Shanghai?
- Dancing to a great swing band!
- So what?
- Let's go tonight.
- You're mad. 
Think ifwe're seen!
- No, it's on the Southside. 
- Géran?
- Sure! 
Forget Acke, he doesn't dare.
- What cheek! 
You bet I dare.
- Good! 
Like to dance with me, eh?
- But I told Mum the cinema...
- Who didn't?
- And it sounds so expensive...
- We girls pay for ourselves.
- Never, I'm a gentleman!
Here comes the trolley bus!
Grey skies and showers are all I see
No sun now for me without you
Rain-laden tree tops bow down their heads
It all looks so dead without you
The little bird that sang no longer sings at all
The ballad that I wrote now makes me feel a fool
Grey skies and showers are all I see
No sun now for me without you
- And how old are you?
- 18.
- 16.
- So you're all over 15?
- Oh, yes!
- Fine.
You go ahead, we'll get the tickets.
- For Marianne and me.
- Great.
Four, please.
- Sorry, dear, this is too little.
- But 4 times 1:50 is 6...
- Yes, but it's 2 Crowns tonight.
- Why?
- We have a singer.
- I see... 
- What do we do new?
- Borrow from the girls.
- Why me?
!
- L can't! 
Hurry, before they go in.
- Just a minute, miss...
- Nice here, isn't it? 
- Eh, Acke?
- Not bad at all. 
But, Sonja...
- Have you got 1:50 or 2 Crowns?
- Oh yes, I think so...
Kind of you.
The cashier had no change...
- But that makes it 4:50 now...
- You'll get it next week.
Sorry!
- What happened, Inga?
- This fell on the floor...
- You scared me half to death!
Sir, can I sing that song at the school show?
- Which one?
— "Grey skies".
- You like it, eh?
- You really did a goodjob on it.
Thank you. 
But can't you sing that triplet right, like I've said?
"Grey skies and showers, are all I see..."
- "No sun in the sky, without you." 
- But that's wrong...
"No sun in the sky..." More feeling:
"No sun in the sky, without you."
- Finish eating, and then try it.
- "No sun in the sky, without you."
That's it!
Oh, I'm on again now!
Sir, I promise to sing that song like I've never sung before!
Marvellous, Inga.
Don't forget the triplet.
Help yourself, Marianne...
- Thank you. 
- Not bad, eh?
!
- Smashing!
- Take the big one, Acke. 
I've eaten.
- Thanks. 
Don't smoke in here.
- Nervous?
- L've been around.
You could fool me.
- Hey, he looks like our artteacher.
- Yes!
Let everyone know you're a schoolboy!
Here they come!
Look! 
It's "Buzz".
Let's make ourselves scarce!
- Did he see us?
- I didn't dare look!
"Buzz", ajazz... pianist!
What a sensation at school.
Not a word! 
If I find out you've told, you're in for a bashing!
Don't fight. 
You know that... 
Giiran wouldn't tell.
- Now what do we do?
- No idea. 2 Crowns...
- I didn't touch my cake...
- Can we go somewhere else?
- L'm no millionaire!
- A pity you didn't see Donald Duck.
Cut it out! 
Come on...
- Lnga!
- Ssh! 
Mum...
- I want to talk to you.
- What is it?
- Is this a proper time to come home?
- My lesson...
Lessons with a night watchman?
!
Try it on with Mum, but not me!
- Is it a boy?
- Acke... 
I'm in love.
I thought as much.
Is it on with Svenne again?
- No...
- Who is it?
- I can't say. 
But it's wonderful.
- Ls it?
- When I see him, ljust tremble.
- Like this...
Silly! 
It's nojoke, it's serious.
But you're too young to understand.
- L've been in love!
- Have you?
Sure! 
Butl didn't tremble.
More!
I didn't sleep a wink last night forthinking of him.
- And I'll lay awake tonight, too.
- You'll be too tired for school!
- L just long for school!
- So it is one of the boys there!
- L'm not saying.
- Don't. 
I'm going sleep. 'Night!
- Acke... 
Do you knowwho it is?
- No...
- lt's "Buzz"...
- What?
! 
You're in love with him?
!
- Promise not to tell.
- Promise. 
But he's a bit shady.
- Not at all.
- He's a double nature. 
Evenings  he plays the piano at a jazz club!
- How do you know?
!
We were there, but left the second we saw him. 
Don't tell Mum!
- Promise. 
Didn't you see me?
- Were you there, too?
!
Listen, Acke. 
I sing there in the evenings. 
Linda Loy is me.
Well, I'll be blowed!
Is that why you come home so late?
Yes! 
He's driven me home.
He called me "Miss Dane||..."
- Good. 
Then you are decent.
- What do you mean?
!
- L've been worried...
- No need, laddie!
- Remember your promise.
- Trust 0l' Dad here.
Good night.
Headmaster's Office
Come in!
- Good morning. ls the Head in?
- No. 
What is it?
- Oh, it doesn't matter...
- Yes, come in. 
Come, come!
- What is it?
- Nothing, just something I heard...
What, exactly?
Tell me now...
- Quaok, quack, Ala-Kazam: no duck!
- So interesting. 
How do you do it?
Can't tell you. 
Magicians' secrets.
I got that number from Dante.
You'll see on Saturday.
And the mouse...
- Sorry, I have work to do...
- Say nothing to Agda!
- No, I want a quiet evening!
- L reckon you need it.
Telling tales is shameful, Gbran...
What was that den called?
- Shanghai.
—That'|| be all, then.
Shanghai...
- What did he want?
- Some leave. 
For a trip.
- Shanghai? 
ls he going to Shanghai?
- No, but I might go there!
Well, it's your decision...
Do sit down, Danell.
Not there. 
On the sofa.
- Well... what can I offer you?
- L'vejust eaten, thanks.
What gives me the honour and pleasure of yourvisit?
- The honour is mine, sir.
- And the pleasure mine?
- You probably knowwhy I came, sir.
- The School Show, I suppose.
What? 
No... do sit down, sir.
- It's my sister Inga.
- Oh?
She's told me everything and I want to hear yourviewpoint.
- She's so young, not even of age...
- Exactly.
- You'd have to wait several years.
- Wait for what?
To get married!
- Speak freely. lt'sjust between us.
- That's nice.
- How is your financial standing?
- My...?
- In a situation like this...
- l do understand.
- Can you support a wife, sir?
- Well, I think so...
- Does your sister know of our chat?
- No, she'd go wild!
- She'd stop my cinema money!
- That would be awful!
- L'll talk to your sister, then...
- Sorry fortroubling you, sir.
Not at all. 
Most enjoyable trouble... 
I mean "pleasure"!
Nice with a heart-to-heart between us men, just the two of us...
What a terrible place, Miss Jonson.
Is that supposed to be him?
- Sit here. 
You'll see better.
- Really?
- What would you ladies like?
- Gosh!
Nothing, but ifl must, I'll force down a cup of tea.
A large coffee, and lots of buns.
Here's the coupon, blow it all!
- What does it cost?
—|t's included in the admission fee.
A nice place!
- Not many birds here.
- Her with the French pleat, then?
Worth a try, perhaps.
- Would you like to dance?
- Shame on you.
Definitely.
- My, my... 
I wouldn't have said no!
- Really!
- You're not going to smoke?
!
- I do like a puffwith my coffee.
Look, it is him.
He mustn't see me!
Don't look over there now!
- He's so nice!
- Ugh!
Ladies and gentlemen: 
Shanghai's little darling, Miss Linda Loy...
Hey, I can't see!
- Gracious! 
Do you see who it is?
!
- Quiet!
Everyone 's fa vourite man
We've got a little 5-year-plan Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy
You wouldn't call him a dresser, no dinnerjacketortails
But as team left back he never fails Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
What he wants hejust gets, sure and quick
And I know that he'll make it big
He's only a simple boy but what a terrific guy
And when he turns on the charm Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy
He's not at all poetic No odes of love for me
When he says "you're hot, girl" Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
He hasn't the eyes of Boyer nor the profile of Barrymore
But my, does he have Sex Appeal, Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy
By and by, we'll have a cosy nest And some kids, two or three is best
His manners aren't so fine No kisses on my hand
But all the more upon my lips, Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
- L've had quite enough. 
Come on!
- No coffee and buns?
No! 
Come on.
- Leaving already, ladies?
- Definitely. 
What's the girl's name?
- Miss Linda Loy. 
Delightful, eh?
- Herreaf name!
- Linda Loy.
- You dirty old man!
Miss Jonson!
Headmaster's Office
- Well?
- A black mark for Behaviour.
- So what?
! 
Anything else?
- L can't perform any more.
- Not even at the School Show.
- What? 
That ruins the whole thing!
She thought "Buzz" had talked me into it, but I put her right there!
- Think if they sack him?
!
- He'll be okay. 
What about the show?
- Don't cry, come to the coffee shop.
- Never, ever a coffee shop again!
Calm down...
No more about the girl!
Discussion over!
Lknewthis would happen. 
The minute I heard the din at that awful place- 
- I felt removed to Africa'sjung|e, monkeys screeching, hyenas howling!
There you sat, like a Tarzan.
You jazz-Hottentot-trotter!
I raise money for missionary work while you transform my sweet pupils  into black savages! 
It won't do!
- L have to earn extra money...
Do it decently! 
You have such a fine education in music.
I've seen your credentials.
Or were they forged?
!
- Definitely not!
- L hope not.
Your decision, then. 
Choose between Shanghai and me... the school.
- Well, Headmistress...
- lmagine the scandal.
Think of our school... choose me.
I mean, choose the school!
Headmistress, I've never had doubts as to my choice. 
The school.
- Ah, we're agreed, Mr. Bergman.
- Thank you, Headmistress.
- Well? 
Was she furious?
- Little Agda? 
No, quite charming.
- She almost curtsied.
—Nojoking, now!
- L feared she was going to hug me!
- What did she say?
She kindly let me choose between her and Shanghai.
- And your choice?
- You!
- Me?
—Yes... 
Lena, I...
- Mr. Bergman, are we not agreed?
- You and I are in total agreement.
- But Miss Larsson and I aren't.
- L'm sure Miss Larsson understands.
I'm not sure, it wouldn't seem so.
But we can discuss that later.
- Goodbye, then.
- Good bye.
Discipline!
Where are your meeting manners?
!
If Inga can't sing at the show, it's catastrophe for our society.
The audience demands a refund, we're left in debt. 
We must do something!
Acke, speak to the Headmistress.
Use your charm.
Charm? 
Only rat poison would work!
I've tried. 
The old girl's hopeless.
- Can't we do it without Inga?
- Give up our main attraction?
- Not on your life!
- No!
- So what do we do?
- L have a plan. 
Risky... but good!
Guess who does it? 
The cause of the trouble, the one who told!
G6ran?
—Right. 
Or else he gets a bashing!
"Agreed?
"Yes!
- So what's the plan?
- Shut the door. 
Strategic secrets.
Well, the audience pours in, the music starts...
- Sir! 
A full house!
—|'m nervous. 
What if I'm a fiasco?
- You'll be a success. 
Betcha!
- What?
- Betcha you're a success.
- Betcha... 
Oh, my heart.
Acke, have a look!
The Headmistress!
Now| can't perform.
- Course you can.
- You said she wasn't coming.
- I said she wouldn't be here.
There's a huge difference...
Well, how about it? 
Or else!
Get moving.
- A pity the girl won't be in it...
- The subject is closed, William!
- A word with you, Headmistress.
- Don't disturb us. 
Wait till Monday.
- That's too late.
- What is it?
!
Not in here, come outside.
Only a moment.
- Is it that important?
- Yesm
Back soon, William.
It worked!
Are the boys in place?
- You bet!
- We're on now!
- What a bind, down here all night.
- They must have started by now.
Someone's coming!
What are we doing here?
In there? 
What's this all about?
- What was that?
- The door slammed shut.
Shut? 
Open it, then.
Go on!
- Oh, it's filthy here...
- lt's locked.
- Locked?
- Use the key!
- From the outside.
- What's going on here?
!
Treachery! 
You've locked me in!
Let me out!
Hallo! 
Let me out!
It's the Headmistress!
Look! 
A horse!
Whoa!
Whoa!
I bid you welcome to our show, especially the Head and his spouse.
The whole audience, Mums, Dads, Aunts and kids...
- Go away!
- Are heartily welcome!
Poor as church mice are we, but freedom is paramount!
I steer my steed to free, Olympic heights.
Follow me, forget all sorrows, and enjoy our show!
Listen to a lovers' duet, be amazed by our conjurer  admire the girls' grace, and the boys' bold marches.
Applaud now and then, we pray, dear Mums and Dads and Aunts!
It's Sonja!
Fearnotu
Fear not, sweet maid
Come to my palace now
It lies nearby there yonder
Come with me a while
No, I dare not, dear sir
No, I should not go there
My heart is all a-tremble
In case a wrong I do—o—o
In case a-a wrong l-l do
You are all myjoy, sweet maid
Say then what I should do
You cause me grief, sweet maid
Alack, how am I to know?
All right... 
I'm coming, Ducky...
Dane||!
- Sir?
- Where's the duck?
!
- The duck...? 
Overthere, sir!
Come here, Ducky dear!
Be a good birdy...
- Headmistress! 
In the boiler-room?
!
- Not for long!
- Give the scoundrel a good hiding!
- Oh, yes.
- Do I get a beating now'?
- No, I'm going to stoke the boiler!
- Where have you been?
- The boiler-room.
- Why?
—Later! 
Be quiet.
She's here again!
The Headmistress!
Whatsha||we do?
!
- Coming...
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present our main attraction:
The world famous conjurer, Ali-Ben Liifbeck!
Ali-ali, Solimandante-fivus-dextrus, Ali-ali.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, I tear up this Ten of Hearts...
Like this...
And roll it into a little ball, "let's have a ball"...
I blow on the ball, unfold it...
And it's "ganz he|"...
Ali!
A new Ten of Hearts...
Slower, so you can see properly...
And roll it into a little "puge|"...
A nice little "puge|"...
I blow on the little "puge|" again... 
Unfold it...
And it's whole again!
While I rest my fingers, I shall perform my strongest card...
That is, a world-famous number.
With my magic powers  l shall make someone disappear!
Preferably a lady, a pretty one...
Would some pretty lady volunteer?
Ask the Heaclmistress. 
Please, sir!
I'll explain later.
Not a bad idea...
- No volunteers?
Why not ask the school's First Lady, my sister the Headmistress?
Yes!
The Headmistress!
B ravo!
- Oh! 
It's not dangerous, is it?
- Ali...
No peeking!
A|i—a|i...
Ali-ali, Solimandante sixus-dextrus, Ali-ali-ali! 
Ladies and gentlemen:
The Headmistress has disappeared.
The bird has flown!
Ali!
He must teach me that trick!
Ali!
We'll carry her out now...
Thank you, sir.
- Don't mention it.
- Thank you so much.
What's up? 
Offwith you...
Ladies and gentlemen, one empty hat.
"Ganz |er" as they say in Germany.
But not so "ler", anyway. 
A subtle movement, and we have a hankie.
And another... a whole factory...
Marvellous! 
And some flowers, very decorative...
Fellahs! 
In the boiler-room!
I forgot my cuffs...
Will that do? 
Isn't sir dishy in his white dinnerjacket?
YesH 
- And what a lovely pairthey make...
- Who?
- He and Miss Larsson.
- Not at all. 
And whyher?
- They're always together after work.
I didn't know... 
And I don't care.
Stop fussing and go! 
I'm nervous.
- What a prima donna!
- Excuse us!
- Is Inga there? 
Inga!
- Yes, sir?
- What a lovely dress.
- As if you care.
- Of course I do. 
What is it?
- L don't want to sing that song now.
- You asked to, and lwas so happy.
- That was before...
- What's up? 
Boyfriend trouble?
- He's no boy...
- He's a man.
- Oh, dear. 
But you're only 16.
Too young to fret. 
You have yourwhole life ahead of you.
There'|| be someone other than me... him... whom Inga...
- Has Acke said something?
- No!
There, there, sweet girl...
Oh! 
Excuse the interruption...
Lena! 
Wait...
- I admit it looked a bit odd...
- Feel free to talk to her!
She refuses to sing, I had to talkto her. 
She... 
I...
- Nice when men like children.
- Why are you being so nasty?
- L must talkto my best pupil!
- Well, don't mind me!
- You soundjealous!
- Why should I bejealous?
No idea. 
But it sounds like it.
It's hardly unusual that  a pupil has a crush on a teacher.
Surely it's happened to you?
- Oh, yes...
- You see! 
What? 
It has?
!
- Do you still fancy him?
- Well, yes...
- Does he know?
- Well, he's said nothing...
I see! 
What does he look like?
- He has a moustache...
- A moustache? 
What? 
Oh...
- You don't mean...
- Yes!
Lena, I've had no chance, I'm always in a hurry, and I'm on again now...
But I must tell you that I'm in...
fernal interruptions!
- L need my hat and coat.
- Well, get them.
- You want it on?
- Yes, please.
Oh no, I'm no wardrobe attendant!
- Lena, I'm...
- Sir, the violins have no parts.
Yes, they do! 
I'll be right out, I knowwhere they are...
Well, I'll be...!
- Hallo? 
Anyone there?
- What is it?
- Anyone there?
- No!
- Help! 
Help me!
- Who is it?
- Me!
- Which "me"?
- The Headmistress!
- But you disappeared up there!
- Yes...
- And still here?
- I can't get out! 
Help me.
- Where are you?
In here!
I must go on now, the choir's waiting.
- Sorry, sir.
- Yes?
Ljustwanted to say I'd like to sing "Grey Skies".
- There you are!
- Yes, but where have you been?
- It's your fault that I disappeared!
- Really?
- And got locked in the boiler-room!
- What?
!
- Don't laugh!
- That wasn't me. 
Unfortunately.
Now listen to me. 
Do you know what you are? 
A grumpy old maid!
- Yes, an old maid!
- Ssh!
You forget you were young once.
Remember when we were small?
I was a big boy, and you were a sweet little girl... 
Remember?
- You were nasty to me.
- I wasn't! 
Bler-bler-bler...
You're nasty, to your pupils.
Instead of respect and affection for you, they're scared of you!
- They should be!
- No! 
They should love you.
- Take our new music teacher...
- Him?
!
He understands children, you ought to learn from him!
Or you and your school are done for!
- They should sing lovely, old songs.
- Of course!
But there are lovely new songs, too.
- Grey skys and showers 
- Listen... are all I see
No sun now for me without you
Rain-laden tree tops bow down their heads
It all looks so dead without you
Grey skies and showers are all I see
No sun now for me without you
A love song so sweet you once did sing soft and tender, to me but you are gone and I'm alone just waiting here for you
Grey skies and showers are all I see
No sun now for me without you
Rain-laden tree tops bow down their heads
It all looks so dead without you
The little bird that sang no longer sings at all
The ballad that I wrote now makes me feel a fool
Grey skies and showers are all I see
No sun now for me without you
Inga... 
What is it? 
You're a great success, go and take a bow!
I can't go out there...
- Why are you crying, Inga?
- L'm so upset...
But I'm not angry with you any more.
- That's not why I'm crying...
- But today is all fun and joy!
I was unfair, didn't understand you, but that's all changed... I want you to sing that song all the staff loved, except me...
- I've learned to like it too, now.
- Really?
Really. 
Sing loud and clear!
Agda! 
On stage! 
I have to bring you back again!
- Dry your eyes, I'll call you in.
- There, there...
Ali-ali, Solimandante, fivus-sixus- sevenus-dextrus!
I've brought back the Headmistress as good as new! 
I'm getting some coffee.
I'm going for a cigarette.
general Arkady Grigorovich Ourumov... head of Space Division.
- general, if I'd known-- 
- You'd have been ready.
This is an unscheduled test of the Severnaya facility. 
War simulation.
We are going to test-fire goldeneye.
Report your status.
Two operational satellites, sir:
Petya and Mischa... both in 90-minute earth orbit at 100 kilometers.
Good. 
Here is the authorization code.
Now, the goldeneye and today's access numbers for satellite Petya, please.
I am timing you.
Good.
Thank you, Major.
On my count.
Three... two... one.
Set target: 
Severnaya.
Arm the weapon.
Check it!
Their best response time is 19 minutes.
They'II be late.
It's clean.
I had to ventilate someone.
- Good evening, Moneypenny.
- Good evening, James.
M will meet you in the situation room.
I'm to take you straight in.
I've never seen you after hours, Moneypenny. 
lovely.
- Thank you, James.
- Out on a professional assignment?
Dressing to kill?
I know you'II find this crushing, 007... but I don't sit at home every night praying for an international incident... so I can run down here all dressed up to impress James Bond.
I was on a date with a gentleman.
We went to the theater together.
Moneypenny, I'm devastated.
What would I ever do without you?
As far as I can remember, James, you've never had me.
Hope springs eternal.
You know, this sort of behavior could qualify as sexual harassment.
really?
What's the penalty for that?
Someday you have to make good on your innuendos.
- After you, Moneypenny.
- No, I insist.
You first.
- Good evening, 007.
- Tanner. 
What's up?
Sixteen minutes ago, we intercepted a distress call...
Sixteen minutes ago, we intercepted a distress call... from a supposedly abandoned radar station at Severnaya.
Look what the satellite picked up.
We found a match:
your missing Tiger.
In the middle of Northern Russia.
It seems your hunch was right, 007.
It's too bad the evil Queen of Numbers wouldn't let you play it.
- You were saying?
- No, I was just--
Good. 
Because if I want sarcasm, Mr. Tanner, I'II talk to my children.
- Good evening, 007.
- Good evening, M.
The Prime Minister's waiting for an update.
Proceed with your briefing, Mr. Tanner.
Thank you.
After the distress signal, your helicopter took off... and the Russians scrambled these three MIGs here to intercept it.
What do you think the Russians are using the base for?
well, at one point we suspected Severnaya might be the ground station... for a secret space-based weapons program called goldeneye, but--
Our statistical analysis saw they had... neither the finance nor technology to implement it.
Numbers were never my strong suit.
Are these pictures live?
unlike the American government, we prefer not to get our bad news from CNN.
Negative so far.
Everything seems normal.
What the bloody hell was that?
NataIya Fyodorovna Simonova.
NataIya Fyodorovna Simonova!
Boris!
Boris!
Thanks.
Our satellite is knocked out.
So are two of the Americans.
We have another coming into range... now.
Good God.
Two of the MIGs are down.
And it looks like the third went into the dish.
What do you think?
No lights.
Not one single electric light on in a 30-miIe radius.
E.M.P.?
- That explains the MIGs and satellites.
- And the blackout.
electromagnetic pulse:
a first-strike satellite weapon developed by the--
The Americans and Soviets during the cold War.
I've read the brief.
Discovered after Hiroshima.
Set off a nuclear device in the upper atmosphere.
Creates a pulse... a radiation surge that destroys everything with an electronic circuit.
The idea being to knock out the enemy's communications... before he, she, or they could retaliate.
So, goldeneye exists.
Yes.
- could this be an accident?
- No.
The helicopter.
If you wanted to steal the goldeneye, it was the perfect getaway vehicle.
Setting off the blast was the ideal way to wipe out any trace of the crime.
The Janus group?
It may have been involved with the helicopter.
I know the Russian faiIsafe systems.
You don't just walk in and ask for the keys to the bomb.
You need the access codes.
It had to be an insider.
And at Ieast one person probably knows who it is.
Very well, sir.
Thank you. 
Good night.
The Prime Minister's talked to Moscow.
They're saying it was an accident during a routine training exercise.
Governments change.
The lies stay the same.
What else do we know about the Janus syndicate?
TopfIight arms dealers, headquartered in St. Petersburg.
The first outfit to restock the Iraqis during the gulf War.
The head man's unreIiabIy described.
No photographs.
The woman, Onatopp... is our only confirmed contact.
- would you care for a drink?
- Thank you.
- Your predecessor kept cognac in the-- 
- I prefer bourbon.
- Ice?
- Yes.
We've pulled the files on anyone who might have had access... or authority at Severnaya.
The top name on the list is an old friend of yours, I understand.
Ourumov.
They made him a general.
He sees himself as the next Iron Man of Russia.
So our political analysts rule him out.
He doesn't fit the profile of a traitor.
Are these the same analysts who said that goldeneye couldn't exist?
Who said the helicopter posed no immediate threat... and wasn't worth following?
You don't like me, Bond.
You don't like my methods.
You think I'm an accountant... a 'bean counter,' more interested in my numbers than your instincts.
- The thought had occurred to me.
- Good.
Because I think you're a sexist, misogynist dinosaur.
A relic of the cold War... whose boyish charms, though wasted on me, obviously appeal... to that young woman I sent out to evaluate you.
- Point taken.
- Not quite, 007.
If you think for one moment I don't have the balls to send a man out to die... your instincts are dead wrong.
I've no compunction about sending you to your death.
But I won't do it on a whim, even with your cavalier attitude towards life.
I want you to find goldeneye.
Find who took it, what they plan to do with it, and stop it.
And if you should come across Ourumov, guilty or not...
I don't want you running off on some kind of vendetta.
Avenging AIec TreveIyan will not bring him back.
- You didn't get him killed.
- Neither did you.
Don't make it personal.
Never.
Bond.
Come back alive.
Good morning, general Ourumov.
Defense Minister Mishkin, gentlemen.
please deliver your report.
As this council is aware, 72 hours ago... a secret weapon system code-named goldeneye was detonated over Severnaya.
As head of Space Division...
I personally undertook the investigation.
I have concluded this crime was committed by Siberian separatists... seeking to create political unrest.
RegrettabIy, the peaceful work... and much-needed hard currency earnings of Severnaya... have been set back by several years.
Therefore, I tender my resignation.
It seems the council does not want your head, Arkady Grigorovich.
merely your loyal assurance that there are no other goldeneye satellites.
I can give you that assurance, Defense Minister.
And what of the two missing Severnaya technicians?
I was aware only of the one, Boris Grishenko.
There was a girl also whose body was not among the dead.
NataIya Fyodorovna Simonova, a IeveI-two programmer.
I will investigate immediately, Defense Minister.
It would seem presumptuous, general... to blame this incident on Siberian separatists... before the whereabouts of your own people are determined.
Do you agree?
Yes, Defense Minister.
Thank you for bringing it to my attention.
That will be all.
Morning, Q. Sorry about the leg. 
Skiing?
Hunting!
Right. 
Now pay attention, 007.
First, your new car, BMW.
agile, five forward gears, aII-points radar... seIf-destruct system... and naturally, all the usual refinements.
Now, this I'm particularly proud of.
Behind the headlights, Stinger missiles.
excellent. 
Just the thing for unwinding after a rough day at the office.
Need I remind you, 007... that you have a Iicence to kill... not to break the traffic laws.
- I wouldn't think of it.
- Good.
Right. 
Let's get on to more practical matters.
A typical leather belt.
male, size 34, buckle notch.
- Have you finished?
- Yes.
Good. 
A typical leather belt.
Q, I'm familiar with that device.
Not one with a 75-foot rappeIIing cord built into the buckle.
Fire, and out shoots a piton... followed by a high-tensiIe wire designed to support your weight.
I see. 
And what if I need additional support?
It's tested for one, 007.
flight 878 to St. Petersburg.
X-ray document scanner.
A pen.
This is a class Four grenade.
Three clicks arms the four-second fuse.
Another three disarms it.
How long did you say the fuse was?
Oh, grow up, 007!
They always said the pen was mightier than the sword.
Thanks to me, they were right.
Look, Iet's ask Freddie here to demonstrate for us.
Here we are.
Sorry about this, Fred.
One... two... three.
Don't say it.
The writing's on the wall?
along with the rest of him.
Now, 007, do please try and return some of--
Do please try and return some of this equipment in pristine order.
Don't touch that!
It's my lunch.
In London, april's a spring month.
Oh, yeah?
And what are you, the weatherman?
For crying out loud, another stiff-assed Brit... with your secret codes and your passwords.
One of these days you guys are going to Iearn just to drop it.
Come on, my car's over there.
- After you.
- Thank you.
Like you said, drop it.
In London, april's a spring month... whereas in St. Petersburg we're freezing our butts off!
Now, is that close enough for government work?
No. 
Show me the rose.
please, no.
AII right, all right, all right!
- Muffy?
- Third wife.
- Jack Wade, CIA.
- James Bond, stiff-assed Brit.
- That's a nice move.
- Nice car.
This baby hasn't let me down yet.
She's an ugly little bitch, but she gets you there.
Hey, Bond, you do any gardening?
Hand me that wrench, Jimmy?
- What do you know about Janus?
- ZiIch. 
Zipsky.
No one's ever seen him.
But the man's connected up the kazoo.
KGB, military.
Screwdriver.
Rumor has it, he lives on one of those old Soviet missile trains... that armored stuff they ran around the country so we couldn't target them.
Want to hand me that hammer, Jimbo?
No, the bigger one.
The sledge.
Anyways, to tell the truth, you don't find this guy. 
He finds you.
hell, it's all Russian Mafia.
The best thing I can do is point you in the direction of his competition.
- Who is the competition?
- An ex-KGB guy.
A tough mother. 
Got a limp on his right leg. 
Name's Zukovsky.
- VaIentin Dimitreveych Zukovsky?
- Yeah. 
You know him?
I gave him the limp.
Yes?
Are these all you have?
How many do you want?
Twenty-four for the American school, eleven for the Swedish.
IBM compatible with 500 meg. hard drives...
CD ROM and 14.4 modems.
- will you pay dollars?
- Of course.
If madame would require a demonstration, I couId--
Madame requires one demonstration model and a quiet place to test it.
NataIya.
Is everything satisfactory?
Everything except the interruption.
Now let me get you straight, Jimmy.
You shot him in the leg, you stole his car, you took his girl.
And now you want VaIentin Zukovsky to set you up with Janus?
Yes.
well, what are you going to do?
appeal to his heart?
No, his wallet.
Oh, that might work.
Okay, show time.
valentin operates out of building number 23 there.
Are you sure you want to do this?
Last guy who dropped in uninvited went home airfreight... in very small boxes.
Make sure they send me home first-cIass.
NataIya, it's me!
It's Boris!
It's Boris! 
It's Boris!
hello.
Another morning shot to hell.
Free market economy.
I swear it will be the end of me.
WaIther PPK, 7.65 millimeter.
only three men I know use such a gun.
I believe I've killed two of them.
Lucky me.
I think not.
James Bond.
Charming, sophisticated secret agent.
Shaken but not stirred.
I see you haven't lost your delicate sense of humor, VaIentin, huh?
Or your need for an audience.
Who's strangling the cat?
StrangIing a cat?
That is Irina, my mistress.
A very talented girl.
Irina! 
Take a hike!
So, Mr. Bond... what is it that brings you to my neighborhood, hmm?
still working for MI6... or have you decided to join the 21st century?
I hear the new M is a lady.
I want you to do me a favor.
He wants me to do him a favor!
My knee aches... every single day, twice as bad when it is cold.
Have you any idea how long the winter lasts in this country, hmm?
tell him, Dimitri!
- well, it depends-- 
- silence!
For an ex-KGB agent, you surprise me, VaIentin.
Someone of your stature must've realized the skill was not to hit your knee... but to...
miss the rest of you.
So why did you not kill me?
call it professional courtesy.
Then I should extend you the same courtesy.
Kirov's funeral parlor, 4:00 this afternoon.
Two hundred pounds of C4 explosives hidden in a casket.
Your man drives the hearse in, the money's exchanged... their man drives the hearse out.
Their man will be arrested with the explosives.
Your man will make a miraculous escape with the money.
Your money.
And what do I owe for this accommodation?
I want you to set me up...
with Janus.
What has he done to deserve you?
- stole a helicopter.
- I have six.
Three. 
None that fly.
Who's counting?
These are not just criminals, VaIentin, they're traitors.
They used the chopper to steal a nuclear weapon.
killed a Iot of innocent Russians doing it.
- What do you expect from a Cossack?
- Who?
This Janus, I've never met the man, but I know he's a Lienz Cossack.
Group that worked for the Nazis against the Russians, Second world War.
You know your history, Mr. Bond.
At the end of the war... the Lienz Cossacks surrendered to the British in Austria... believing they'd join your government and wage war against the communists.
But, the British betrayed them... sent them promptly back to StaIin who promptly had them all shot-- women, children, families.
Not exactly our finest hour.
still, ruthless people.
They got what they deserved.
I want you to set me up with Janus.
tell him I'm asking about the chopper.
You're going to meet me tonight at the Grand hotel Europe.
And then, you and I are even and he owes me one?
precisely.
You don't need the gun, Commander.
That depends on your definition of 'safe sex.'
That's close enough.
Not for what I have in mind.
Oh, you think you can hurt me?
You think you can break me?
Yes! 
Yes!
Yes!
No, no, no.
No more foreplay.
Take me to Janus.
- This is it?
- Yes.
well, I must say, I've had a lovely evening. 
You?
well, once again, the pleasure was all yours.
You'II understand if I don't call.
I won't lose sleep over it.
Sweet dreams.
hello, James.
- alec?
- Back from the dead.
No longer just an anonymous star on the memorial wall at MI6.
What's the matter, James?
No glib remark?
No pithy comeback?
Why?
hilarious question, particularly from you.
Did you ever ask why?
Why we toppled all those dictators, undermined all those regimes?
only to come home: 'well done, good job.
But sorry, old boy.
Everything you risked your life and limb for has changed.'
- It was the job we were chosen for.
- Of course you'd say that.
James Bond, Her Majesty's loyal terrier... defender of the so-caIIed 'faith.'
Oh, please, James, put it away.
It's insulting to think I haven't anticipated your every move.
Yes.
- I trusted you, alec.
- Trust?
What a quaint idea.
How did the MI6 screening miss that your parents were Lienz Cossacks?
Once again, your faith is misplaced.
They knew.
We're both orphans, James.
But where your parents had the luxury of dying in a climbing accident... mine survived the British betrayal and stalin's execution squads.
But my father couldn't let himself, or my mother, live with the shame of it.
MI6 figured I was too young to remember.
And in one of Iife's little ironies... the son went to work for the government whose betrayal... caused the father to kill himself and his wife.
Hence, Janus.
The two-faced Roman god come to life.
It wasn't God who gave me this face, it was you... setting the timers for three minutes instead of six.
Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?
No. 
You're supposed to die for me.
Oh, by the way...
I did think of asking you to join my little scheme... but somehow I knew... 007's loyalty was always to the mission, never to his friend.
closing time, James.
Last call.
For england, James.
Wake up!
Mister!
Wake up, please!
- Wake up!
- I'm here.
- I'm here!
- Hurry!
Hurry up! 
Come out!
pull yourself together!
We're going to die!
Do something!
Get us out of here!
I'm a little tied up-- Never mind.
The things that we do for 'frequent flyer' mileage.
Here, Iet me help you.
That's it, mind your head.
Let me go!
Who are you?
Listen, I'm on your side.
I'm here to help you.
- I don't know anything.
- I don't believe you.
- I don't care what you believe.
- Look!
They might be back for us any minute.
You either take your chances with me... or your fellow countrymen who killed everyone at Severnaya.
I've never been to Severnaya.
Your watch has.
Frozen by the goldeneye blast.
And I'm willing to bet you're the one who climbed up the dish to get out.
- Who are you?
- I work for the British government.
And the more you tell me, the more I can help you.
-But I don't know anything!
-Then let's start with what you do know.
My name is NataIya Simonova.
I was a systems programmer at Severnaya facility untiI--
Go on.
- until they killed everyone.
- Who? 
alec TreveIyan?
No. 
I don't know who that is.
Who was the insider?
Who was the traitor?
Boris.
Boris Grishenko.
- KGB or military?
- Computer programmer.
- There was no one else?
- No.
They're going to kill me, aren't they?
Trust me.
Trust you?
I don't even know your name.
Good morning, Mr. Bond.
Sit.
I'm Defense Minister Dimitri Mishkin.
So, by what means shall we execute you, Commander Bond?
What, no small talk?
No chitchat?
That's the trouble with the world today.
No one takes the time to do a sinister interrogation anymore. 
It's a lost art.
Your sense of humor doesn't slay me, Commander. 
I'm sorry.
- Where is the goldeneye?
- I assumed you had it.
I have an english spy, a Severnaya programmer and the helicopter they took.
That's what some traitor in your government wanted it to look like.
-Who was behind the attack on Severnaya?
-Who had the authorization codes?
Russia may have changed, but the penalty for terrorism is still death!
- And what's the penalty for treason?
- Stop it, both of you! 
Stop it!
You're like boys with toys.
It was Ourumov.
general Ourumov set off the weapon.
I saw him do it.
Are you certain it was Ourumov?
Yes. 
He killed everyone and stole the goldeneye.
And why would he do that?
There is another satellite.
Another goldeneye?
Thank you, Miss Simonova.
You were saying something about the lost art of interrogation, Mr. Bond?
Defense Minister, I must protest!
This is my investigation.
You are out of order.
From what I am hearing, it is you who's out of order!
- I have seen this gun before.
- Put it down.
- In the hand of our enemy.
- Put it down, general!
Do you even know who the enemy is, Dimitri?
- Do you?
- Guard!
Defense Minister Dimitri Mishkin... murdered by a British agent, James Bond.
himself shot while trying to escape. 
Guards!
Come on!
They're in the archives!
Down!
Spread out!
Cover the other side!
Trust me.
Go now!
Faster!
Damn it!
Down the alley!
Use the bumper!
That's what it's for!
What was that?
Go left!
Get out!
Either you've brought me the perfect gift, general Ourumov... or you've made me a very unhappy man.
Mishkin got to them before I couId.
Bond is alive?
He escaped.
Good for Bond.
Bad for you.
Take a seat, my dear.
You know, James and I shared everything.
absolutely everything.
To the victor go the spoils.
You'II like it where we're going.
You may even learn to like me.
Stay with her.
Bond.
only Bond.
He's going to derail us.
full speed!
full speed! 
Ram him!
Why can't you just be a good boy and die?
You first.
You... second.
Up!
Situation analysis: hopeIess.
You have no backup, no escape route.
And I have the only bargaining chip.
Where is she?
Oh, yes.
Your fatal weakness.
Ourumov, bring her in.
lovely girl.
Tastes like...
like strawberries.
- I wouldn't know.
- I would.
So, back where we started, James.
Your friend or the mission.
Drop the gun.
I'II let her live.
Ourumov, what has this Cossack promised you?
You knew, didn't you?
He's a Lienz Cossack.
- It's in the past.
- He'II betray you!
- Just like everyone else.
- Is this true?
What's true is that in 48 hours you and I will have more money than God.
And Mr. Bond here will have a small memorial service... with only Moneypenny and a few tearful restaurateurs in attendance.
So, what's the choice, James?
Two targets.
Time enough for one shot.
The girl, or the mission?
kill her.
She means nothing to me.
See you in hell, James.
One-inch armor plating.
I'm fine, thank you very much!
- Boris, yes!
- What are you doing?
Boris is on-Iine, backing up his files.
If I can spike him, I might be able to find out where they're going.
But don't stand there!
Get us out of here!
Yes, sir.
Good luck with the floor, James.
I set the timers for six minutes-- the same six minutes you gave me.
It was the least I couId do for a friend.
- What does that mean?
- We've got three minutes.
What else do you call your butt?
- What?
- It's Boris' password.
He plays word games: 'What I sit on, but I don't take it with me.'
- Chair.
- Like I said.
Thirty seconds.
He's not in Russia, Germany, Paris, London, Madrid.
Twenty-five seconds.
New York, Toronto, Chicago, San Francisco.
Twenty seconds!
Mexico City, Rio, Miami.
- Come on!
- Wait!
He's in Cuba, Havana. 
No.
Now!
Do you destroy every vehicle you get into?
Standard operating procedure.
'Boys with toys.'
Maybe I should take care of the transportation for our trip to Cuba.
Our trip?
Do you know how to disarm the weapon?
I suppose that depends on what kind of weapon you're talking about disarming.
So, tell me.
Are there any other standard operating procedures...
I should be aware of, Commander?
Thousands.
But I only pay them...
lip service.
My whole life, I dreamed about coming to the Caribbean.
It's so beautiful.
Not another human being in sight.
What is it with you and moving vehicles?
Yo, Jimbo!
Brought a little gift from old what's-his-name, uh, T, Z--?
- Q. 
- Yeah.
- What are you doing here, Wade?
- Banyan trees.
I am not here.
The CIA has no knowledge, no involvement, absolutely nothing to do... with your insertion into Cuba, if you catch my drift.
Yes, I do, perfectly.
Borrowed the plane from a friend of mine in the DEA.
Now, the Coast Guard and the FAA are both in the loop.
You're cleared on our radar for 0600 hours.
Here's the latest Sat-Int from langley.
- Stay below 600 feet.
- 500 feet.
- Who's that?
- NataIya Siminova.
NataIya Simonova.
Russian Minister of Transportation.
Did you check her out?
- Head to toe.
- Right.
So, you're looking for a dish the size of a football field, huh?
Doesn't exist. 
You can't light a cigar in Cuba without us seeing it.
I know it's there.
It's a duplicate of Severnaya, Iike your secret transmitters in New zealand.
I've never been to New zealand.
How'd she know about that?
What if I need backup?
Get on the radio.
I'II send in the Marines.
Anyway, hang a left at the end of the runway.
- Cuba's 80 miles on your right.
- Yo, Wade.
Just one thing: 
Don't push any of the buttons on that car.
-I was going to go bombing around in it.
-exactly.
Yo, James, I got faith.
But be careful. 
He knows you're coming.
He was your friend, TreveIyan?
And now he's your enemy and you will kill him.
It is that simple?
In a word, yes.
unless he kills you first.
- NataIya-- 
- You think I'm impressed?
AII of you with your guns, your killing, your death. 
For what?
So you can be a hero?
- AII the heroes I know are dead.
- NataIya, listen to me.
How can you act like this?
How can you be so cold?
It's what keeps me alive.
No.
It's what keeps you alone.
James?
Yes?
On the train... when you told him to kill me and I meant nothing to you... did you mean it?
Yes.
Basic rule:
always call their bluff.
No.
Turn ten degrees south, bearing one-eight-four.
Yes, sir.
Nothing.
There is nothing here.
Let's make another pass.
Maybe Wade was right.
There is no dish.
NataIya.
This time, Mr. Bond, the pleasure will be all mine.
Wait for your turn.
She always did enjoy a good squeeze.
Is the satellite in range?
- Six minutes.
- Prepare the dish.
No! 
It's too early.
I am not ready.
Do it!
No wonder we couldn't see it.
Come on.
The world's greatest cash card.
It had better not be rejected.
- Mischa is on-Iine.
- Sir.
kill him!
The man just won't take a hint.
- Target coordinates?
- The target is London.
He's getting ready to signal the satellite.
- How do you stop it?
- The transmitter above the antenna--
Antenna in position.
On my count.
Three... two... one.
God save the Queen.
The mainframe computer.
Don't move.
James!
What an unpleasant surprise.
- We aim to please.
- Where's the girl?
Find her!
So, how is old Q?
Up to his usual tricks?
The watch.
A new model.
still press here, do I?
Interesting setup, alec.
You break into the Bank of england via computer... and then transfer the money electronically... just seconds before you set off the goldeneye... which erases any record of the transactions.
- Ingenious.
- Thank you, James.
But it still boils down to petty theft.
In the end, you're just a bank robber.
Nothing more than a common thief.
You always did have a small mind, James.
It's not just erasing bank records.
It's everything on every computer in Greater London:
tax records, the stock market, credit ratings, Iand registries... criminal records.
In 16 minutes and 43 sec--
No, 42 seconds-- the United Kingdom will reenter the Stone Age.
A worldwide financial meltdown.
And all so mad little AIec can settle a score with the world 50 years on.
Oh, please, James.
Spare me the Freud.
I might as well ask you if all the vodka martinis ever silence the screams... of all the men you've killed.
Or if you find forgiveness in the arms of all those willing women... for all the dead ones you failed to protect.
england is about to Iearn the cost of betrayal... infIation-adjusted for 1945.
- welcome to the party, my dear.
- NataIya!
Don't ever do that again!
This is not one of your games, Boris.
real people will die!
You pathetic little worm.
She was in the mainframe.
Check the computer.
She's a moron.
A second-IeveI programmer.
She works on the guidance system.
She doesn't even have access to the firing codes.
Retrorockets firing!
What the hell's happening?
We will have reentry in...
12 minutes!
- It will burn up over the atlantic.
- deal with it!
She changed the access codes!
well, then she can fix it.
Go ahead, shoot him.
He means nothing to me.
I can do it!
- I can break her codes.
- Then get on with it!
tell him, now!
Give me the codes, NataIya!
Give them to me!
- Can Boris break your codes?
- possibly.
possibly?
We have to destroy the transmitter.
By the way, I'm fine, thank you very much.
Do you know how to use one of these?
Yes.
Good.
Stay out of sight.
- How long?
- Two minutes. 
One minute.
- Guard!
- I'm fixing it!
If he moves, kill him.
Yes! 
I am invincible!
You know, James...
I was always better.
alpha One to Gunship.
alpha One to Gunship!
Speak to me!
For england, James?
No.
For me.
Yes! 
I am invincible!
James! 
James!
Are you all right?
Yes, I'm fine, thank you.
Suppose someone is watching?
No. 
There's no one within 25 miles, believe me.
Yo, Jimbo!
Is this supposed to be your idea of, uh, coming through in a clinch?
It's tobacco plants.
I said I'd be here, huh?
Yo! 
Marines!
Maybe you two would Iike to finish debriefing each other at Guantanamo.
Maybe you two would Iike to finish debriefing each other at Guantanamo.
-You ready?
-I'm not going on a helicopter with you.
No plane, no train, nothing that moves.
darling, what could possible go wrong, eh?

ARKANGEL CHEMICAL WEAPONS FACILITY 
- USSR
Beg your pardon. 
Forgot to knock.
Ni odnoho vyzdoha. 
Gdye vashy?
I'm alone.
Aren't we all?
- You're late, 007.
- I had to stop in the bathroom.
- Ready to save the world again?
- After you, 006.
- James... 
For England.
- For England, Alec.
- It's too easy.
- Half of everything is luck, James.
And the other half?
Fate.
- Set timers: six minutes.
- Six minutes. 
Check.
Fire.
- Closing time, James. 
Last call.
- Buy me a pint.
This is Colonel Ourumov.
Come out with your hands up.
How original.
Shut the door, Alec. 
There's a draught.
Alec?
Move out. 
Throw down your weapon and walk towards me, slowly.
- Finish the job, James. 
Blow them to hell.
- You have ten seconds.
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,
five, four,
- three, two...
- For England, James.
Hold your fire. 
You'll blow the gas tanks.
This is your last chance.
Come out with your hands...
Wait.
You can't win.
Get out there. 
Move. 
Move it.
Hold your fire.
Wait.
# See reflections on the water
# More than darkness in the depths
# See him surface in every shadow
# On the wind, I feel his breath
# GoldenEye, I've found his weakness
# GoldenEye, he'll do what I please
# GoldenEye, no time for sweetness
# But a bitter kiss will bring him to his knees
# See him move through smoke and mirrors
# Feel his presence in the crowd
# Other girls, they gather around him # lfl had him, I wouldn't let him out
# GoldenEye, not lace or leather
# Golden chain, take him to the spot
# GoldenEye, I'll show him forever
# It'll take forever to see what I've got
# You'll never know
# How I watched you from the shadows as a child
# You'll never know
# How it feels to get so close and be denied
# It's a golden honey trap
# I've got for you tonight
# Revenge, it's a kiss
# This time I won't miss
# Now I've got you in my sight
# With a GoldenEye
# Golden, GoldenEye
# With a GoldenEye
# GoldenEye
NINE YEARS LATER
- James, is it necessary to drive so fast?
- More often than you'd think.
I enjoy a spirited ride as much as the next girl, but...
- Who's that?
- The next girl.
James, stop this. 
Stop it.
- I know what you're doing.
- What's that, dear?
You are just trying to show off the size of your...
- Engine?
- Ego.
We're having a pleasant drive and you bring psychology into it.
- I was just sent here to evaluate you.
- Let's put that behind us, shall we?
Ladies first.
James, I want you to stop this car.
- Really?
- Stop this car at once.
As you can see, I have no problem with female authority.
James, you're incorrigible.
What am I going to do with you?
Let's toast your evaluation, shall we?
A very thorough evaluation.
Bonsoir, Monsieur Bond.
Très heureux de vous revoir.
- Bonsoir, Pierre. 
Ça va bien?
- Très bien. 
Et vous?
Sept à la banque.
Madame wins.
Bet, mademoiselle? 
Non?
Monsieur.
Bets, ladies and gentlemen?
- No players?
- Banco.
It appears we share the same passions.
Three, anyway.
I count two - motoring and baccarat.
Huit, pour la banque.
Seven. 
Madame wins.
I hope the third is where your real talent lies.
One rises to meet a challenge.
Double.
Suivez.
Carte.
Madame stands with five.
- Six. 
Madame loses.
- Buliatch.
- Enjoy it while it lasts.
- The very words I live by.
And what words do you live by?
- The trick is to quit while you're ahead.
- That's one trick I've never learned.
Perhaps you'll show me how it's done.
Vodka martini. 
Shaken, not stirred.
And for you?
The same.
How do you take it?
Straight up, with a twist.
Thank you, Mr...
The name's Bond. 
James Bond.
Xenia Zaragevna Onatopp.
- Onatopp?
- Onatopp.
- Your accent... 
Georgian?
- Very good, Mr Bond.
- You've been to Russia.
- Not recently.
I used to drop in occasionally.
Shoot in and out.
It's very different now.
A land of opportunity.
With a new Ferrari in every garage?
No, not quite. 
That belongs to a friend.
A tip for your friend: the French number plates for this year's model start with "L".
Even the counterfeit ones.
And what rank do you hold with the motor vehicles department, Mr Bond?
Commander.
Shall we go?
This one is an admiral.
I like a woman who enjoys pulling rank.
Nice to meet you, Mr Bond.
The pleasure, I'm sure, was all mine.
Transmission begins from Moneypenny.
Identification confirmed.
Onatopp, Xenia. 
Ex-Soviet fighter pilot.
Current suspected links to the Janus crime syndicate, St Petersburg.
Yacht "Manticore" is leased to a known Janus corporate front.
M authorises you to observe Miss Onatopp, but stipulates no contact without prior approval.
End oftransmission. 
Moneypenny.
Good night, James. 
I trust you'll stay "onatopp" ofthings.
Lyubeemyets.
Xenia, I can't breathe.
Yes! 
Yes!
Merci, mon amiral.
My respects, Admiral.
Delighted to have you aboard, mademoiselle.
Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats for the demonstration of the aircraft.
What you are about to see is Europe's answer to the electronic battlefield:
the first working prototype of the Tiger helicopter.
Uniquely manoeuvrable, the Tiger not only uses Stealth technology, it is hardened against all forms of electronic interference, radio jamming and electromagnetic radiation.
I have a small surprise from your friends at the barracks.
I think I've gone to heaven.
Not yet.
Please welcome the pilots.
Lieutenant Commander Bernard Jaubert and Lieutenant François Brouse.
Space Weapons Control Centre Severnaya, Russia
Select Mir.
Orthographic projection.
Compute possible intercept with second-stage geo-sat two.
Anna.
He wouldn't know a woman if one came up and sat on his head.
Boris.
What?
I thought I'd post it on the lnternet, no?
- What's the password?
- I made it easy this time.
Even you should be able to break it, borscht-for-brains.
All right. 
All right. 
I'll give you a hint.
They're right in front of you and can open very large doors.
You're such a geek.
Yes. 
I'm in.
You've hacked into the US Department of Justice.
What if they trace it here?
The chief of computers will call me a genius, move me to Moscow and give me a million bucks hard currency.
I think not.
Besides, the Americans are slug-heads.
They'll never detect me.
You were saying, slug-head?
Nobody screws with Boris Grishenko.
- Spiked them.
- Come on, Boris. 
Just hang up.
No way. 
I spiked them.
- All right. 
What's the password?
- I'm not going to tell you.
OK. 
Let me guess.
It's not in front of me?
You sit on it, but you can't take it with you.
My program seizes the phone line of whoever's tracing me and jams their modem so they can't hang up.
Now the hunted becomes the hunter.
"Better luck next time, slug-heads."
Bang. 
Gone. 
I am invincible.
Was it good for you, too?
I'm getting some coffee.
I'm going for a cigarette.
General Arkady Grigorovich Ourumov, head of Space Division.
- General, if I'd known...
- You'd have been ready.
This is an unscheduled test of Severnaya, Major. 
War simulation.
We are going to test-fire GoldenEye.
Report your status.
Two operational satellites, sir, Petya and Mischa, in 90-minute earth orbit at 100km.
Good.
Here is the authorisation code.
Now, the GoldenEye and today's access numbers for satellite Petya, please.
I am timing you.
Good. 
Thank you, Major.
On my count.
Three, two, one...
Set target. 
Severnaya.
Arm the weapon.
Check it.
Their best response time is 19 minutes. 
They'll be late.
It's clean. 
I had to ventilate someone.
- Good evening, Moneypenny.
- Good evening, James.
M will meet you in the Situation Room.
I'm to take you in.
- Never seen you after hours. 
Lovely.
- Thank you, James.
Out on some kind of assignment?
Dressing to kill?
I know you'll find this crushing, 007, but I don't sit at home praying for an international incident so I can run down here all dressed up to impress James Bond.
I was on a date with a gentleman.
We went to the theatre.
Moneypenny, I'm devastated.
What would I ever do without you?
As far as I can remember, James, you've never had me.
Hope springs eternal.
This sort of behaviour could qualify as sexual harassment.
Really? 
What's the penalty for that?
Someday you have to make good on your innuendoes.
- After you, Moneypenny.
- No, I insist. 
You first.
- Good evening, 007.
- Tanner. 
What's up?
16 minutes ago, we intercepted a distress call from a supposedly abandoned radar station at Severnaya. 
Look.
- We found a match. 
Your missing Tiger.
- In the middle of northern Russia?
Your hunch was right. 
Too bad the evil queen of numbers wouldn't let you play it.
- You were saying?
- No, no. 
I was just... just...
Good. 
Because if I want sarcasm, I'll talk to my children, thank you very much.
- Good evening, 007.
- Good evening, M.
The prime minister's waiting for an update.
Proceed with your briefing, Mr Tanner.
Thank you.
Yes, after the distress signal, your helicopter took off and the Russians had three MiGs intercept it.
What do you think the base is used for?
We suspected it might be the ground station for a secret space-based weapon called GoldenEye, but...
Our statistical analysis saw they had neither the finance nor technology.
Numbers were never my strong suit.
Are these pictures live?
Unlike the American government, we prefer not to get our bad news from CNN.
Negative so far.
Everything seems normal.
What the bloody hell was that?
Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova.
Boris. 
Boris.
Thanks.
Our satellite is knocked out.
So are two of the Americans'.
We have another, coming into range now.
Good God.
Two of the MiGs are down.
It looks like the third went into the dish.
What do you think?
No lights. 
Not one single electric light on in a 30-mile radius.
- EMP?
- It would explain the MiGs and satellites.
- And the blackout.
- Electromagnetic pulse.
- A satellite weapon developed by the...
- Americans and Soviets in the Cold War.
I've read the brief.
Discovered after Hiroshima. 
Set off a nuclear device in the upper atmosphere.
Creates a pulse, a radiation surge, that destroys everything electronic.
The idea being to knock out the enemy's communications before they can retaliate.
So, GoldenEye exists.
Yes.
- Could this be an accident?
- No. 
The helicopter.
For stealing the GoldenEye, it was the perfect getaway vehicle.
Setting off the blast would wipe out any trace of the crime.
- The Janus group?
- It may be linked to the helicopter.
I know the Russian fail-safe systems.
You just don't walk in and ask for the keys to the bomb. 
You need the access codes.
There had to be an insider.
At least one person probably knows who it is.
Very well, sir. 
Thank you. 
Good night.
The prime minister's talked to Moscow. 
It was "an accident on a training exercise".
Governments change.
The lies stay the same.
What else do we know about Janus?
Top-flight arms dealers, headquartered in St Petersburg.
Restocked the Iraqis during the Gulf War.
The head man's unreliably described. 
No photographs.
The woman, Onatopp, is our only confirmed contact.
- Would you care for a drink?
- Thank you.
- Your predecessor kept some cognac...
- I prefer bourbon.
- Ice?
- Yes.
We pulled the files on whoever may have had access or authority at Severnaya.
The top name on the list's an old friend of yours, I understand.
Ourumov. 
They made him a general.
He sees himself as the next "iron man of Russia".
Our political analysts say he doesn't fit the profile of a traitor.
Are these the same analysts who said that GoldenEye couldn't exist?
Who said the helicopter posed no threat and wasn't worth following?
You don't like me, Bond.
You don't like my methods.
You think I'm an accountant, more interested in numbers than your instincts.
- The thought had occurred to me.
- Good.
Because I think you're a sexist, misogynist dinosaur, a relic of the Cold War, whose boyish charms, though wasted on me, obviously appealed to that young woman I sent out to evaluate you.
- Point taken.
- Not quite, 007.
If you think I don't have the balls to send a man out to die, your instincts are dead wrong.
I've no compunction about sending you to your death.
But I won't do it on a whim, even with your cavalier attitude towards life.
I want you to find GoldenEye.
Find who took it, what they plan to do with it, and stop it.
If you come across Ourumov, guilty or not, don't run off on a vendetta. 
Avenging Alec Trevelyan will not bring him back.
- You didn't get him killed.
- Neither did you. 
Don't make it personal.
Never.
Bond...
Come back alive.
St Petersburg, Russia
Good morning, General Ourumov.
Defence Minister Mishkin... 
Gentlemen.
Please, deliver your report.
As you know, 72 hours ago, a secret weapons system - codename GoldenEye - was detonated over Severnaya.
As head of Space Division, I personally undertook the investigation.
I have concluded this crime was committed by Siberian separatists seeking to create political unrest.
Regrettably, the peaceful work and the hard-currency earnings of Severnaya have been set back by several years.
Therefore, I tender my resignation.
It seems the council does not want your head, Arkady Grigorovich.
Merely your assurance that there are no other GoldenEyes.
I can give you that assurance, Defence Minister.
And what of the two missing Severnaya technicians?
I was aware only of the one.
Boris Grishenko.
There was a girl also, whose body was not among the dead.
Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova.
A level-two programmer.
I will investigate immediately.
It would seem presumptuous to blame this incident on Siberian separatists before the whereabouts of your own people are determined.
- Do you agree?
- Yes, Defence Minister.
Thank you for bringing it to my attention.
That will be all.
Morning, Q. Sorry about the leg. 
Skiing?
Hunting.
Right. 
Now pay attention, 007.
First, your new car.
BMW. 
Agile, five forward gears, all-points radar.
Self-destruct system. 
And, naturally, all the usual refinements.
Now, this I'm particularly proud of.
Behind the headlights, Stinger missiles.
Excellent. 
Just the thing for unwinding after a rough day.
Need I remind you, 007, that you have a licence to kill, not break the traffic laws.
- I wouldn't think of it.
- Good.
Right. 
Let's get on to more practical matters.
A typical leather belt.
Male, size 34, buckle, notch.
Have you finished?
- Yes.
- Good.
- A typical belt...
- Q, I'm familiar with that device.
Not one with a 75-foot rappelling cord built into the buckle.
Fire, and out shoots a piton, followed by a high-tensile wire designed to support your weight.
I see. 
And what if I need additional support?
It's tested for one, 007.
Flight 878 to St Petersburg.
X-ray document scanner.
A pen. 
This is a class 4 grenade.
Three clicks arms the four-second fuse.
Another three disarms it.
How long did you say the fuse was?
Grow up, 007.
- "The pen is mightier than the sword." 
- Thanks to me, it is.
Look, let's ask Freddie here to demonstrate for us.
Here we are. 
Sorry about this, Fred.
One, two, three.
- Don't say it.
- The writing's on the wall?
Along with the rest of him.
Now, 007, do please try and return...
Do try and return some of this equipment in pristine order.
Don't touch that. 
That's my lunch.
In London, April's a spring month.
Oh, yeah? 
What are you - the weatherman?
For cryin' out loud.
Another stiff-assed Brit, with your secret codes and passwords.
One of these days you guys are gonna learn just to drop it.
Come on. 
My car's over there.
- After you.
- Thank you.
- Like you said, drop it.
- All right.
In London, April's a spring month.
In St Petersburg, we freeze our butts off.
- Close enough for government work?
- No.
- Show me the rose.
- Please, no.
All right, all right, all right.
- "Muffy"?
- Third wife.
- Jack Wade, CIA.
- James Bond, stiff-assed Brit.
- That's a nice move.
- Nice car.
Hasn't let me down yet. 
She's an ugly little bitch, but she gets you there.
Hey, Bond. 
Do you do any gardening?
St Petersburg express has now arrived at Platform 3.
Can you hand me that wrench, Jimmy?
- So what do you know about Janus?
- Zilch. 
Zipsky.
No one's ever seen him.
But the man's connected up the kazoo.
KGB, military. 
Screwdriver.
Rumour has it he lives on one of those old Soviet missile trains.
That armoured stuff they used to run around so we couldn't target 'em.
Wanna hand me that hammer, Jimbo?
No, the bigger one. 
The sledge.
Anyways, to tell the truth, you don't find this guy. 
He finds you.
Hell, it's all Russian Mafia.
Best thing I can do is point you in the direction of his competition.
- Who is the competition?
- An ex-KGB guy. 
Tough mother.
Limps on his right leg. 
Name's Zukovsky.
- Valentin Dimitreveych Zukovsky?
- Yeah.
- You know him?
- I gave him the limp.
Yes?
- Are these all you have?
- How many do you want?
24 for the American school, 1 1 for the Swedish.
IBM-compatible with 500 meg hard drives, CD-ROM and 14.4 modems.
- You pay dollars?
- Of course.
If madam requires a demonstration...
Madam requires one demonstration model and a quiet place to test it.
Natalya.
- Is everything satisfactory?
- Everything except the interruption.
Let me get this straight, Jimmy.
You shot him in the leg, you stole his car, you took his girl.
And now you want Zukovsky to set you up with Janus?
- Yes.
- Are you gonna appeal to his heart?
- No. 
His wallet.
- That might work.
OK. 
Showtime.
Valentin operates out of building number 23.
Are you sure you wanna do this?
Last guy who dropped in uninvited went home air freight - in very small boxes.
Make sure they send me home first class.
Natalya. 
It's me. 
It's Boris.
It's Boris. 
It's Boris. 
Hello.
Another morning shot to hell.
Free-market economy!
I swear it will be the end of me.
Walther PPK, 7.65mm.
Only three men I know use such a gun.
I believe I've killed two of them.
- Lucky me.
- I think not.
# Ooh-ahh
# And if you love him
# Love him
# Oh, be so proud of him
# Of him
# Cos after all
# He's just a man
# Stand by your man...
James Bond.
Charming, sophisticated secret agent.
"Shaken, but not stirred."
I see you haven't lost your delicate sense of humour, Valentin.
Or your need for an audience.
- Who's strangling the cat?
- Strangling a cat?
# Stand by your man
That is Irina, my mistress.
Very talented girl.
Irina. 
Take a hike.
So, Mr Bond, what is it that brings you to my neighbourhood?
Still working for Ml6, or have you joined the 21st century?
I hear the new M is a lady.
I want you to do me a favour.
He wants me to do him a favour.
My knee aches every single day.
Twice as bad when it is cold.
Have you any idea how long the winter lasts in this country?
- Tell him, Dimitri.
- It depends...
Silence.
For an ex-KGB agent, you surprise me, Valentin.
Surely you must have realised the skill was not to hit your knee, but to miss the rest of you.
- So why did you not kill me?
- Call it professional courtesy.
Then I should extend you the same courtesy.
Kirov's funeral parlour, four o'clock this afternoon.
200 pounds of C4 explosives hidden in a casket.
Your man drives the hearse in, the money's exchanged, their man drives the hearse out.
Their man will be arrested with the explosives.
Your man will make a miraculous escape with the money.
Your money.
And what do I owe for this accommodation?
I want you to set me up with Janus.
- What has he done to deserve you?
- Stole a helicopter.
- I have six.
- Three. 
None that fly.
- Who's counting?
- These aren't just criminals but traitors.
They used the chopper to steal a nuclear weapon. 
Killed a lot of innocent Russians.
- What do you expect from a Cossack?
- Who?
This Janus 
- I never met the man, but I know he's a Lienz Cossack.
The group that worked for the Nazis, Second World War.
You know your history.
At the end of the war, the Lienz Cossacks surrendered to the British in Austria, believing they would join them and wage war against the communists.
But the British betrayed them, sent them back to Stalin, who promptly had them all shot.
Women, children, families.
Not exactly our finest hour.
Still, ruthless people.
They got what they deserved.
I want you to set me up with Janus.
Tell him I'm asking about the chopper.
- You meet me tonight at the Grand Hotel.
- And then you and I are even and
- he owes me one.
- Precisely.
You don't need the gun, Commander.
That depends on your definition of safe sex.
That's close enough.
Not for what I have in mind.
You think you can hurt me?
You think you can break me?
Yes! 
Yes! 
Yes!
No, no, no.
No more foreplay.
Take me to Janus.
Buliatch.
Take me to Janus.
Buliatch.
- This is it?
- Yes.
Well, I must say, I've had a lovely evening.
- You?
- Once again, the pleasure was all yours.
- You'll understand if I don't call.
- I won't lose sleep over it.
Sweet dreams.
Hello, James.
- Alec?
- Back from the dead.
No longer just an anonymous star on the Memorial Wall at Ml6.
What's the matter, James?
No glib remark? 
No pithy comeback?
Why?
Hilarious question. 
Particularly from you.
Did you ever ask why we toppled all those dictators and regimes, only to come home - "Well done.
Good job, but sorry, old boy."
"Everything you risked your life for has changed."
- It was the job we were chosen for.
- Of course you'd say that.
James Bond, Her Majesty's loyal terrier, defender of the so-called faith.
Please, James, put it away.
It's insulting to think I haven't anticipated your every move.
Yes.
- I trusted you, Alec.
- Trust. 
What a quaint idea.
How did the Ml6 screening miss that your parents were Lienz Cossacks?
Once again, your faith is misplaced. 
They knew.
We're both orphans, James.
But where your parents had the luxury of dying in a climbing accident, mine survived the British betrayal and Stalin's execution squads.
But my father couldn't let himself or my mother live with the shame of it.
Ml6 figured I was too young to remember.
And in one of life's little ironies, the son went to work for the government whose betrayal caused the father to kill himself and his wife.
Hence Janus, the two-faced Roman god, come to life.
It wasn't God who gave me this face.
It was you, setting the timers for three minutes instead of six.
- Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?
- No. 
You're supposed to die for me.
By the way,
I did think of asking you to join my little scheme, but somehow I knew 007's loyalty was always to the mission, never to his friend.
Closing time, James. 
Last call.
For England, James.
Wake up. 
Mister.
Wake up, please. 
Wake up.
I'm here. 
I'm here.
Hurry. 
Hurry up. 
Come on.
Pull yourself together or we're gonna die.
- Do something. 
Get us out of here.
- I'm a little tied up.
Never mind.
The things we do for frequent-flier mileage.
Here. 
Let me help you.
That's it. 
Mind your head.
Let me go.
Who are you?
- Listen. 
I'm on your side.
- I don't know anything.
- I don't believe you.
- I don't care.
Look, they might be back any minute.
Are you with me, or your countrymen who killed everyone at Severnaya?
I've never been to Severnaya.
Your watch has. 
Frozen by the GoldenEye blast.
And I'm willing to bet you're the one who climbed up the dish to get out.
- Who are you?
- I work for the British government.
The more you tell me, the more I can help you.
- But I don't know anything.
- Then start with what you do know.
My name is Natalya Simonova.
I was a systems programmer at Severnaya facility until...
Go on.
- ..until they killed everyone.
- Who? 
Alec Trevelyan?
- No. 
I don't know who that is.
- Who's the insider? 
Who's the traitor?
Boris. 
Boris Grishenko.
- KGB or military?
- Computer programmer.
- There was no one else?
- No.
They're going to kill me, aren't they?
Trust me.
Trust you? 
I don't even know your name.
Good morning, Mr Bond. 
Sit.
I am Defence Minister Dimitri Mishkin.
So, by what means shall we execute you, Commander Bond?
What, no small talk?
No chitchat?
That's the trouble. 
No one has time to do a really sinister interrogation any more.
- It's a lost art.
- Your sense of humour doesn't slay me.
- Where is the GoldenEye?
- I assumed you had it.
I have an English spy, a programmer and a helicopter...
- That's how your traitor wants it to look.
- Who attacked Severnaya?
- Who had the codes?
- The penalty for terrorism is still death.
- And for treason?
- Stop it, both of you. 
Stop it.
You're like boys with toys.
It was Ourumov.
General Ourumov set off the weapon.
I saw him do it.
- Are you certain it was Ourumov?
- Yes.
He killed everyone, then stole the GoldenEye.
And why would he do that?
There is another satellite.
Another GoldenEye.
Thank you, Miss Simonova.
What did you say about the lost art of interrogation, Mr Bond?
Defence Minister, I must protest.
This is my investigation.
- You are out of order.
- Molcheetye. 
Molcheech.
From what I am hearing, it is you who is out of order.
I've seen this gun in the hand of our enemy.
- Put it down, General.
- Do you even know who the enemy is?
- Do you?
- Guard.
Defence Minister Dimitri Mishkin, murdered by British agent James Bond,
himself shot while trying to escape.
Guards.
Come on.
They're in the archive.
Down.
Spread out. 
Cover the other side.
Trust me.
Go now.
Faster.
Damn it.
Down the alley.
Use the bumper. 
That's what it's for.
Nazad.
What was that?
Go left.
Get out.
Either you've brought me the perfect gift, or you've made me a very unhappy man.
Mishkin got to them before I could.
Bond is alive?
- He escaped.
- Good for Bond.
Bad for you.
Take a seat, my dear.
You know, James and I shared everything.
Absolutely everything.
To the victor go the spoils.
You'll like it where we're going.
You may even learn to like me.
Svinya.
Stay with her.
Bond. 
Only Bond.
He's going to derail us.
- Full speed.
- Shto?
Full speed. 
Ram him.
Bye-bye.
Why can't you just be a good boy and die?
You first.
You second.
Up.
Situation analysis: hopeless.
You have no backup, no escape route.
And I have the only bargaining chip.
- Where is she?
- Ah, yes. 
Your fatal weakness.
Ourumov, bring her in.
Lovely girl.
Tastes like... 
like strawberries.
- I wouldn't know.
- I would.
So, back where we started, James.
Your friend, or the mission?
Drop the gun. 
I'll let her live.
Ourumov, what has this Cossack promised you?
You knew, didn't you?
He's a Lienz Cossack.
- It's in the past.
- He'll betray you. 
Just like everyone else.
- Is this true?
- What's true is that in 48 hours you and I will have more money than God, and Mr Bond here will have a small memorial service with only Moneypenny and a few tearful restaurateurs in attendance.
So, what's the choice, James?
Two targets, time enough for one shot.
The girl, or the mission?
Kill her. 
She means nothing to me.
See you in hell, James.
- One-inch armour plating.
- I'm fine, thank you very much!
Boris. 
Yes.
- What are you doing?
- Boris is on-line backing up his files.
If I can spike him, I might be able to find out where they're going.
- Don't stand there. 
Get us out of here.
- Yes, sir.
Good luck with the floor, James.
I set the timers for six minutes - the same six minutes you gave me.
It was the least I could do for a friend.
- What does that mean?
- We've got three minutes.
- What else do you call your bottom?
- What?
Boris' password. 
He plays word games.
"What I sit on but don't take with me."
- Chair.
- Like I said... 30 seconds.
He's not in Russia, Germany, Paris, London, Madrid,...
- 25 seconds.
- New York, Toronto, Chicago,
- San Francisco,...
- 20 seconds.
Mexico City, Rio, Miami...
- Come on.
- Wait. 
He's in Cuba. 
Havana - no.
Now.
Do you destroy every vehicle you get into?
Standard operating procedure.
Boys with toys.
Maybe I should take care of the transportation for our trip to Cuba.
Our trip?
Do you know how to disarm the weapon?
I suppose that depends on what kind of weapon you're talking about disarming.
So, tell me. 
Are there any other standard operating procedures
I should be aware of, Commander?
Thousands.
But I only pay them
Iip service.
My whole life I dreamed about coming to the Caribbean.
It's so beautiful.
Not another human being in sight.
What is it with you and moving vehicles?
Yo, Jimbo. 
Brought a little gift from old whatshisname? 
T? 
Z?
- Q. 
- Yeah.
- What are you doing here, Wade?
- Banyan trees.
I am not here. 
The CIA has no knowledge, no involvement.
Nothing to do with your insertion into Cuba, if you catch my drift.
Yes, I do.
Borrowed the plane from a friend in the DEA.
The Coast Guard and the FAA are in the loop.
You're cleared on our radar for 0600 hours.
Here's the latest sat-int from Langley.
- Stay below 600 feet.
- 500 feet.
- Who's that?
- Natalya Simonova.
- Sim-yo-nova.
- Russian minister of transportation.
Did you check her out?
- Head to toe.
- Right...
So, you're lookin' for a dish the size of a football field, huh? 
Doesn't exist.
- Light a cigar in Cuba and we see it.
- I know it's there.
It's a duplicate of Severnaya, like your secret transmitters in New Zealand.
I've never been there.
How does she know about that?
- What if I need backup?
- Get on the radio. 
I'll send in the marines.
Anyway, hang a left at the end of the runway.
- Cuba's 80 miles on your right.
- Yo, Wade.
Just one thing. 
Don't push any of the buttons on that car.
- I'm just gonna bomb around in it.
- Exactly.
Yo, James. 
I got faith, but be careful.
He knows you're comin'.
He was your friend 
- Trevelyan.
And now he's your enemy and you will kill him.
It is that simple?
In a word, yes.
- Unless he kills you first.
- Natalya...
You think I'm impressed? 
With your guns, your killing, your death. 
For what?
So you can be a hero?
- All the heroes I know are dead.
- Natalya...
How can you act like this?
How can you be so cold?
It's what keeps me alive.
No. 
It's what keeps you alone.
James...
Yes?
On the train, when you told him to kill me and that I meant nothing to you, did you mean it?
Yes.
Basic rule: always call their bluff.
No.
Turn ten degrees south, bearing 1-8-4.
Yes, sir.
Nothing. 
There is nothing here.
Let's make another pass.
Maybe Wade was right. 
There is no dish.
Natalya.
This time, Mr Bond, the pleasure will be all mine.
You wait for your turn.
She always did enjoy a good squeeze.
- Is the satellite in range?
- Six minutes.
- Prepare the dish.
- No. 
It's too early.
- I am not ready.
- Do it.
No wonder we couldn't see it.
Come on.
The world's greatest cash card.
It had better not be rejected.
- Mischa is on-line.
- Sir.
Kill him.
The man just won't take a hint.
- Target coordinates?
- The target is London.
He's getting ready to signal the satellite.
- How do you stop it?
- The transmitter above the antenna.
Antenna in position.
On my count.
Three, two, one.
God save the Queen.
- The mainframe computer.
- Don't move.
James. 
What an unpleasant surprise.
- We aim to please.
- Where's the girl?
Find her.
So, how is old Q?
Up to his usual tricks?
The watch.
A new model. 
Still press here, do I?
Interesting setup, Alec.
You break into the Bank of England via computer, then transfer the money electronically just seconds before you set off the GoldenEye, which erases any record of the transactions.
- Ingenious.
- Thank you, James.
But it still boils down to petty theft.
In the end, you're just a bank robber.
Nothing more than a common thief.
You always did have a small mind, James.
It's not just erasing bank records. 
It's everything on every computer in London.
Tax records, the stock market, credit ratings, land registries, criminal records.
In 16 minutes and 43... no, 42 seconds, the United Kingdom will re-enter the Stone Age.
A worldwide financial meltdown.
And all so mad little Alec can settle a score with the world 50 years on.
Please, James. 
Spare me the Freud.
I might as well ask you if all the vodka martinis ever silence the screams of all the men you've killed.
Or if you find forgiveness in the arms of all those willing women for all the dead ones you failed to protect.
England is about to learn the cost of betrayal, inflation-adjusted for 1945.
- Welcome to the party, my dear.
- Natalya.
Don't ever do that again.
This is not one of your games, Boris.
Real people will die.
You pathetic little worm.
She was in the mainframe.
Check the computer.
She's a moron.
A second-level programmer.
She works on the guidance system.
She doesn't even have access to the firing codes.
Retro-rockets firing.
- What the hell's happening?
- We will have re-entry in 1 2 minutes.
It will burn up somewhere over the Atlantic.
- Deal with it.
- She changed the access codes.
Then she can fix it.
Go ahead. 
Shoot him.
He means nothing to me.
I can do it. 
I can break her codes.
Then get on with it.
Tell him. 
Now.
Give me the codes, Natalya.
Give them to me.
- Can Boris break your codes?
- Possibly.
Possibly?
We have to destroy the transmitter.
By the way, I'm fine, thank you very much!
Do you know how to use one of these?
Yes.
Good. 
Stay out of sight.
- How long?
- Two minutes.
- One minute.
- Guard.
- I'm fixing it.
- If he moves, kill him.
Yes. 
I am invincible.
You know, James?
I was always better.
Alpha One to Gunship.
Alpha One to Gunship.
Speak to me.
For England, James?
No.
For me.
Yes. 
I am invincible.
James. 
James. 
Are you all right?
Yes, I'm fine. 
Thank you.
Suppose someone is watching?
There's no one within 25 miles, believe me.
Yo, Jimbo.
Is this supposed to be your idea of "coming through in a clinch"?
It's tobacco plants.
I said I'd be here, huh?
Yo. 
Marines.
Maybe you two'd like to finish debriefing each other at Guantanamo?
- Ready?
- I'm not going on a helicopter with you.
No plane, no train, nothing that moves.
Darling, what could possibly go wrong, hey?
# I know you dream a lot
# Holding on to lies
# And you wait around
# For someone to know where you hide
# And in your dreams you feel a lot
# Though you keep it all inside
# And you close your eyes
# It helps keep you alive
# And the experience oflovin'
# Will take all the pain away
# Just understanding for the first time
# What you feel inside
# When love is in your life
# Leave your dreams behind
# Breathin' in the scent oflove
# Leave your dreams behind
# Sensin' life in everything under the sky
# And the experience oflovin'
# Will take all the pain away
# Just understanding for the first time
# What you feel inside
# When love is in your life
# The experience oflove
# Under the sky
# Sensing life
# The experience oflove
# For the first time
# Under the sky
# Will take all the pain away
# The experience oflove
# Under the sky
# When love is in your life
# The experience oflove
# Take it now, feel the glow
# Hold it close, don't let it go
Subtitles by Visiontext

Ibegyourpardon.
Iforgottoknock.
I'malone.
Aren't we all?
- You're late, 007.
- I had to stop in the bathroom.
Ready to save the world again?
After you, 006.
James, for England.
For England, Alec.
It's too easy.
Half of everything is luck, James.
And the other half?
Fate.
- Set timers:. six minutes.
- Six minutes, check.
Fire!
.
Closing time, James!
.
Last call!
Buy me a pint.
This is Colonel Ourumov! 
Come out with your hands above your heads!
How original.
Shut the door, Alec!
There's a draft!
Alec?
Move out. 
Throw down your weapon and walk towards me, slowly.
Finish the job, James!
Blow them all to hell!
You have ten seconds.
Ten... nine... eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two--
For England, James!
Hold your fire!
You'll blow the gas tanks!
This is your last chance.
Come out with your hands above your--
Wait!
You can't win.
Get out there! 
Move!
Move it!
Hold your fire!
Wait!
James, is it really necessary to drive quite so fast?
More often than you'd think.
I enjoy a spirited ride as much as the next girl, but--
- Who's that?
- The next girl.
James, stop this! 
Stop it!
I know what you're doing.
Really?
What's that, dear?
You are just trying to show off the size of your, your-- 
- Engine?
- Ego.
We're having a pleasant drive, and you've got to bring psychology into it.
I was just sent here to evaluate you.
Let's try and put that behind us, shall we?
Ladies first.
- James, I want you to stop this car.
- Really?
Stop this car at once!
As you can see, I have no problem with female authority.
James, you're incorrigible.
What am I going to do with you?
Well, let's toast your evaluation, shall we?
A very thorough evaluation.
Madame wins.
Bet, Mademoiselle? 
No?
Monsieur?
Bets, ladies and gentlemen?
No players?
It appears we share the same passions.
Three, anyway.
I count two.
Motoring and baccarat.
Seven. 
Madame wins.
I hope the third is where your real talent lies.
One rises to meet a challenge.
Madame stands with five.
Six. 
Madame loses.
Enjoy it while it lasts.
The very words I live by.
And what words do you live by?
The trick is to quit while you're still ahead.
That's one trick I've never learned.
Perhaps you'll show me how it's done.
Vodka martini.
Shaken, not stirred.
And for you?
The same.
How do you take it?
Straight up, with a twist.
Thank you, Mr.--?
The name's Bond.
James Bond.
Xenia Zaragevna Onatopp.
- Onatopp?
- Onatopp.
Your accent, Georgian?
Very good, Mr. Bond.
- You've been to Russia?
- Not recently.
I used to drop in occasionally.
Shoot in and out.
It's very different now, a land of opportunity.
With a new Ferrari in every garage?
No, not quite.
That belongs to a friend.
A tip for your friend:
The French registration plates for this year's model start with the letter 'L.'
Even the counterfeit ones.
Oh. 
And what rank do you hold... with the Motor Vehicles Department, Mr. Bond?
Commander.
- Shall we go?
- This one is an Admiral.
I like a woman who enjoys pulling rank.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Bond.
The pleasure, I'm sure, was all mine.
Transmission begins from Moneypenny.
Identification confirmed:
Onatopp, Xenia. 
Ex-Soviet fighter pilot.
Current suspected links to the Janus crime syndicate, St. Petersburg.
Yacht Manticore is leased to a known Janus corporate front.
M authorizes you to observe Miss Onatopp... but stipulates no contact without prior approval.
End transmission. 
Moneypenny.
Good night, James.
I trust you'll stay 'on-a-topp' of things.
Xenia, I can't breathe!
Y es! 
Y es!
My respects, Admiral.
Delighted to have you aboard, Mademoiselle.
Ladies and gentlemen... please take your seats on the upper deck for the demonstration of the aircraft.
What you are about to see in operation... is Europe's answer to the electronic battlefield:
the first working prototype of the Tiger helicopter.
Uniquely maneuverable, the Tiger not only uses stealth technology... it is the only helicopter to be hardened against... all forms of electronic interference... radio jamming and electromagnetic radiation.
I have a small surprise from your friends back at the barracks.
I think I've gone to heaven.
Not yet.
Now please welcome the pilots.
Lieutenant Commander Bernard Jaubert... and Lieutenant Francois Brouse.
Select Mir.
Autographic projection.
Compute possible intercept with second stage geo-sat two.
Anna.
He wouldn't know a woman if one came up and sat on his head.
Boris.
- Boris!
- What?
I thought I'd post it on the lnternet, no?
- What's the password?
- I made it easy this time.
Even you should be able to break it, borscht for brains.
All right, all right, I'll give you a hint.
They're right in front of you and can open very large doors.
You're such a geek.
Yes, I'm in!
You've hacked into the U.S. Department of Justice.
Do you know what will happen if they trace it here?
The Chief of Computers will call me a genius... move me to Moscow and give me a million bucks hard currency.
I think not.
Besides, the Americans are slug-heads.
They'll never detect me.
- You were saying, slug-head?
- Nobody screws with Boris Grishenko!
Spiked them!
Come on, Boris, just hang up.
No way! 
I spiked them!
All right, what's the password?
I'm not going to tell you.
Okay, let me guess.
It's not in front of me?
You sit on it, but you can't take it with you.
My program seizes the phone line of whoever's tracing me... and jams their modem so they can't hang up.
Now the hunted becomes the hunter.
Better luck next time... slug-heads!
Bang! 
Gone!
I am invincible!
Was it good for you, too?
I'm getting some coffee.
I'm going for a cigarette.
General Arkady Grigorovich Ourumov... head of Space Division.
- General, if I'd known-- 
- You'd have been ready.
This is an unscheduled test of the Severnaya facility. 
War simulation.
We are going to test-fire GoldenEye.
Report your status.
Two operational satellites, sir:
Petya and Mischa... both in 90-minute earth orbit at 100 kilometers.
Good. 
Here is the authorization code.
Now, the GoldenEye and today's access numbers for satellite Petya, please.
I am timing you.
Good.
Thank you, Major.
On my count.
Three... two... one.
Set target: 
Severnaya.
Arm the weapon.
Check it!
Their best response time is 19 minutes.
They'll be late.
It's clean.
I had to ventilate someone.
- Good evening, Moneypenny.
- Good evening, James.
M will meet you in the situation room.
I'm to take you straight in.
I've never seen you after hours, Moneypenny. 
Lovely.
- Thank you, James.
- Out on a professional assignment?
Dressing to kill?
I know you'll find this crushing, 007... but I don't sit at home every night praying for an international incident... so I can run down here all dressed up to impress James Bond.
I was on a date with a gentleman.
We went to the theater together.
Moneypenny, I'm devastated.
What would I ever do without you?
As far as I can remember, James, you've never had me.
Hope springs eternal.
You know, this sort of behavior could qualify as sexual harassment.
Really?
What's the penalty for that?
Someday you have to make good on your innuendos.
- After you, Moneypenny.
- No, I insist.
You first.
- Good evening, 007.
- Tanner. 
What's up?
Sixteen minutes ago, we intercepted a distress call...
Sixteen minutes ago, we intercepted a distress call... from a supposedly abandoned radar station at Severnaya.
Look what the satellite picked up.
We found a match:
your missing Tiger.
In the middle of Northern Russia.
It seems your hunch was right, 007.
It's too bad the evil Queen of Numbers wouldn't let you play it.
- You were saying?
- No, I was just--
Good. 
Because if I want sarcasm, Mr. Tanner, I'll talk to my children.
- Good evening, 007.
- Good evening, M.
The Prime Minister's waiting for an update.
Proceed with your briefing, Mr. Tanner.
Thank you.
After the distress signal, your helicopter took off... and the Russians scrambled these three MlGs here to intercept it.
What do you think the Russians are using the base for?
Well, at one point we suspected Severnaya might be the ground station... for a secret space-based weapons program called GoldenEye, but--
Our statistical analysis saw they had... neither the finance nor technology to implement it.
Numbers were never my strong suit.
Are these pictures live?
Unlike the American government, we prefer not to get our bad news from CNN.
Negative so far.
Everything seems normal.
What the bloody hell was that?
Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova.
Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova!
Boris!
Boris!
Thanks.
Our satellite is knocked out.
So are two of the Americans.
We have another coming into range... now.
Good God.
Two of the MlGs are down.
And it looks like the third went into the dish.
What do you think?
No lights.
Not one single electric light on in a 30-mile radius.
E.M.P.?
- That explains the MlGs and satellites.
- And the blackout.
Electromagnetic Pulse:
a first-strike satellite weapon developed by the--
The Americans and Soviets during the Cold War.
I've read the brief.
Discovered after Hiroshima.
Set off a nuclear device in the upper atmosphere.
Creates a pulse... a radiation surge that destroys everything with an electronic circuit.
The idea being to knock out the enemy's communications... before he, she, or they could retaliate.
So, GoldenEye exists.
Y es.
- Could this be an accident?
- No.
The helicopter.
If you wanted to steal the GoldenEye, it was the perfect getaway vehicle.
Setting off the blast was the ideal way to wipe out any trace of the crime.
The Janus group?
It may have been involved with the helicopter.
I know the Russian failsafe systems.
You don't just walk in and ask for the keys to the bomb.
You need the access codes.
It had to be an insider.
And at least one person probably knows who it is.
Very well, sir.
Thank you. 
Good night.
The Prime Minister's talked to Moscow.
They're saying it was an accident during a routine training exercise.
Governments change.
The lies stay the same.
What else do we know about the Janus syndicate?
Topflight arms dealers, headquartered in St. Petersburg.
The first outfit to restock the Iraqis during the Gulf War.
The head man's unreliably described.
No photographs.
The woman, Onatopp... is our only confirmed contact.
- Would you care for a drink?
- Thank you.
- Your predecessor kept cognac in the-- 
- I prefer bourbon.
- lce?
- Yes.
We've pulled the files on anyone who might have had access... or authority at Severnaya.
The top name on the list is an old friend of yours, I understand.
Ourumov.
They made him a General.
He sees himself as the next lron Man of Russia.
So our political analysts rule him out.
He doesn't fit the profile of a traitor.
Are these the same analysts who said that GoldenEye couldn't exist?
Who said the helicopter posed no immediate threat... and wasn't worth following?
You don't like me, Bond.
You don't like my methods.
You think I'm an accountant... a 'bean counter,' more interested in my numbers than your instincts.
- The thought had occurred to me.
- Good.
Because I think you're a sexist, misogynist dinosaur.
A relic of the Cold War... whose boyish charms, though wasted on me, obviously appeal... to that young woman I sent out to evaluate you.
- Point taken.
- Not quite, 007.
If you think for one moment I don't have the balls to send a man out to die... your instincts are dead wrong.
I've no compunction about sending you to your death.
But I won't do it on a whim, even with your cavalier attitude towards life.
I want you to find GoldenEye.
Find who took it, what they plan to do with it, and stop it.
And if you should come across Ourumov, guilty or not...
I don't want you running off on some kind of vendetta.
Avenging Alec Trevelyan will not bring him back.
- You didn't get him killed.
- Neither did you.
Don't make it personal.
Never.
Bond.
Come back alive.
Good morning, General Ourumov.
Defense Minister Mishkin, gentlemen.
Please deliver your report.
As this Council is aware, 72 hours ago... a secret weapon system code-named GoldenEye was detonated over Severnaya.
As head of Space Division...
I personally undertook the investigation.
I have concluded this crime was committed by Siberian separatists... seeking to create political unrest.
Regrettably, the peaceful work... and much-needed hard currency earnings of Severnaya... have been set back by several years.
Therefore, I tender my resignation.
It seems the Council does not want your head, Arkady Grigorovich.
Merely your loyal assurance that there are no other GoldenEye satellites.
I can give you that assurance, Defense Minister.
And what of the two missing Severnaya technicians?
I was aware only of the one, Boris Grishenko.
There was a girl also whose body was not among the dead.
Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova, a level-two programmer.
I will investigate immediately, Defense Minister.
It would seem presumptuous, General... to blame this incident on Siberian separatists... before the whereabouts of your own people are determined.
Do you agree?
Y es, Defense Minister.
Thank you for bringing it to my attention.
That will be all.
Morning, Q. Sorry about the leg. 
Skiing?
Hunting!
Right. 
Now pay attention, 007.
First, your new car, BMW.
Agile, five forward gears, all-points radar... self-destruct system... and naturally, all the usual refinements.
Now, this I'm particularly proud of.
Behind the headlights, Stinger missiles.
Excellent. 
Just the thing for unwinding after a rough day at the office.
Need I remind you, 007... that you have a licence to kill... not to break the traffic laws.
- I wouldn't think of it.
- Good.
Right. 
Let's get on to more practical matters.
A typical leather belt.
Male, size 34, buckle notch.
- Have you finished?
- Y es.
Good. 
A typical leather belt.
Q, I'm familiar with that device.
Not one with a 75-foot rappelling cord built into the buckle.
Fire, and out shoots a piton... followed by a high-tensile wire designed to support your weight.
I see. 
And what if I need additional support?
It's tested for one, 007.
Flight 878 to St. Petersburg.
X-ray document scanner.
A pen.
This is a Class Four grenade.
Three clicks arms the four-second fuse.
Another three disarms it.
How long did you say the fuse was?
Oh, grow up, 007!
They always said the pen was mightier than the sword.
Thanks to me, they were right.
Look, let's ask Freddie here to demonstrate for us.
Here we are.
Sorry about this, Fred.
One... two... three.
Don't say it.
The writing's on the wall?
Along with the rest of him.
Now, 007, do please try and return some of--
Do please try and return some of this equipment in pristine order.
Don't touch that!
It's my lunch.
In London, April's a spring month.
Oh, yeah?
And what are you, the weatherman?
For crying out loud, another stiff-assed Brit... with your secret codes and your passwords.
One of these days you guys are going to learn just to drop it.
Come on, my car's over there.
- After you.
- Thank you.
Like you said, drop it.
In London, April's a spring month... whereas in St. Petersburg we're freezing our butts off!
Now, is that close enough for government work?
No. 
Show me the rose.
Please, no.
All right, all right, all right!
- Muffy?
- Third wife.
- Jack Wade, ClA.
- James Bond, stiff-assed Brit.
- That's a nice move.
- Nice car.
This baby hasn't let me down yet.
She's an ugly little bitch, but she gets you there.
Hey, Bond, you do any gardening?
Hand me that wrench, Jimmy?
- What do you know about Janus?
- Zilch. 
Zipsky.
No one's ever seen him.
But the man's connected up the kazoo.
KGB, military.
Screwdriver.
Rumor has it, he lives on one of those old Soviet missile trains... that armored stuff they ran around the country so we couldn't target them.
Want to hand me that hammer, Jimbo?
No, the bigger one.
The sledge.
Anyways, to tell the truth, you don't find this guy. 
He finds you.
Hell, it's all Russian Mafia.
The best thing I can do is point you in the direction of his competition.
- Who is the competition?
- An ex-KGB guy.
A tough mother. 
Got a limp on his right leg. 
Name's Zukovsky.
- Valentin Dimitreveych Zukovsky?
- Y eah. 
You know him?
I gave him the limp.
Y es?
Are these all you have?
How many do you want?
Twenty-four for the American school, eleven for the Swedish.
IBM compatible with 500 meg. hard drives...
CD ROM and 14.4 modems.
- Will you pay dollars?
- Of course.
If madame would require a demonstration, I could--
Madame requires one demonstration model and a quiet place to test it.
Natalya.
Is everything satisfactory?
Everything except the interruption.
Now let me get you straight, Jimmy.
You shot him in the leg, you stole his car, you took his girl.
And now you want Valentin Zukovsky to set you up with Janus?
Y es.
Well, what are you going to do?
Appeal to his heart?
No, his wallet.
Oh, that might work.
Okay, show time.
Valentin operates out of building number 23 there.
Are you sure you want to do this?
Last guy who dropped in uninvited went home airfreight... in very small boxes.
Make sure they send me home first-class.
Natalya, it's me!
It's Boris!
It's Boris! 
It's Boris!
Hello.
Another morning shot to hell.
Free market economy.
I swear it will be the end of me.
Walther PPK, 7.65 millimeter.
Only three men I know use such a gun.
I believe I've killed two of them.
Lucky me.
I think not.
James Bond.
Charming, sophisticated secret agent.
Shaken but not stirred.
I see you haven't lost your delicate sense of humor, Valentin, huh?
Or your need for an audience.
Who's strangling the cat?
Strangling a cat?
That is Irina, my mistress.
A very talented girl.
Irina! 
Take a hike!
So, Mr. Bond... what is it that brings you to my neighborhood, hmm?
Still working for Ml6... or have you decided to join the 21st century?
I hear the new M is a lady.
I want you to do me a favor.
He wants me to do him a favor!
My knee aches... every single day, twice as bad when it is cold.
Have you any idea how long the winter lasts in this country, hmm?
Tell him, Dimitri!
- Well, it depends-- 
- Silence!
For an ex-KGB agent, you surprise me, Valentin.
Someone of your stature must've realized the skill was not to hit your knee... but to...
miss the rest of you.
So why did you not kill me?
Call it professional courtesy.
Then I should extend you the same courtesy.
Kirov's funeral parlor, 4:00 this afternoon.
Two hundred pounds of C4 explosives hidden in a casket.
Your man drives the hearse in, the money's exchanged... their man drives the hearse out.
Their man will be arrested with the explosives.
Your man will make a miraculous escape with the money.
Your money.
And what do I owe for this accommodation?
I want you to set me up...
with Janus.
What has he done to deserve you?
- Stole a helicopter.
- I have six.
Three. 
None that fly.
Who's counting?
These are not just criminals, Valentin, they're traitors.
They used the chopper to steal a nuclear weapon.
Killed a lot of innocent Russians doing it.
- What do you expect from a Cossack?
- Who?
This Janus, I've never met the man, but I know he's a Lienz Cossack.
Group that worked for the Nazis against the Russians, Second World War.
You know your history, Mr. Bond.
At the end of the war... the Lienz Cossacks surrendered to the British in Austria... believing they'd join your government and wage war against the communists.
But, the British betrayed them... sent them promptly back to Stalin who promptly had them all shot-- women, children, families.
Not exactly our finest hour.
Still, ruthless people.
They got what they deserved.
I want you to set me up with Janus.
Tell him I'm asking about the chopper.
You're going to meet me tonight at the Grand Hotel Europe.
And then, you and I are even and he owes me one?
Precisely.
You don't need the gun, Commander.
That depends on your definition of 'safe sex.'
That's close enough.
Not for what I have in mind.
Oh, you think you can hurt me?
You think you can break me?
Y es! 
Y es!
Y es!
No, no, no.
No more foreplay.
Take me to Janus.
- This is it?
- Yes.
Well, I must say, I've had a lovely evening. 
You?
Well, once again, the pleasure was all yours.
You'll understand if I don't call.
I won't lose sleep over it.
Sweet dreams.
Hello, James.
- Alec?
- Back from the dead.
No longer just an anonymous star on the memorial wall at Ml6.
What's the matter, James?
No glib remark?
No pithy comeback?
Why?
Hilarious question, particularly from you.
Did you ever ask why?
Why we toppled all those dictators, undermined all those regimes?
Only to come home: 'Well done, good job.
But sorry, old boy.
Everything you risked your life and limb for has changed.'
- It was the job we were chosen for.
- Of course you'd say that.
James Bond, Her Majesty's loyal terrier... defender of the so-called 'faith.'
Oh, please, James, put it away.
It's insulting to think I haven't anticipated your every move.
Yes.
- I trusted you, Alec.
- Trust?
What a quaint idea.
How did the Ml6 screening miss that your parents were Lienz Cossacks?
Once again, your faith is misplaced.
They knew.
We're both orphans, James.
But where your parents had the luxury of dying in a climbing accident... mine survived the British betrayal and Stalin's execution squads.
But my father couldn't let himself, or my mother, live with the shame of it.
Ml6 figured I was too young to remember.
And in one of life's little ironies... the son went to work for the government whose betrayal... caused the father to kill himself and his wife.
Hence, Janus.
The two-faced Roman god come to life.
It wasn't God who gave me this face, it was you... setting the timers for three minutes instead of six.
Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?
No. 
You're supposed to die for me.
Oh, by the way...
I did think of asking you to join my little scheme... but somehow I knew... 007's loyalty was always to the mission, never to his friend.
Closing time, James.
Last call.
For England, James.
Wake up!
Mister!
Wake up, please!
- Wake up!
- I'm here.
- I'm here!
- Hurry!
Hurry up! 
Come out!
Pull yourself together!
We're going to die!
Do something!
Get us out of here!
I'm a little tied up-- Never mind.
The things that we do for 'frequent flyer' mileage.
Here, let me help you.
That's it, mind your head.
Let me go!
Who are you?
Listen, I'm on your side.
I'm here to help you.
- I don't know anything.
- I don't believe you.
- I don't care what you believe.
- Look!
They might be back for us any minute.
You either take your chances with me... or your fellow countrymen who killed everyone at Severnaya.
I've never been to Severnaya.
Your watch has.
Frozen by the GoldenEye blast.
And I'm willing to bet you're the one who climbed up the dish to get out.
- Who are you?
- I work for the British government.
And the more you tell me, the more I can help you.
-But I don't know anything!
-Then let's start with what you do know.
My name is Natalya Simonova.
I was a systems programmer at Severnaya facility until--
Go on.
- Until they killed everyone.
- Who? 
Alec Trevelyan?
No. 
I don't know who that is.
Who was the insider?
Who was the traitor?
Boris.
Boris Grishenko.
- KGB or military?
- Computer programmer.
- There was no one else?
- No.
They're going to kill me, aren't they?
Trust me.
Trust you?
I don't even know your name.
Good morning, Mr. Bond.
Sit.
I'm Defense Minister Dimitri Mishkin.
So, by what means shall we execute you, Commander Bond?
What, no small talk?
No chitchat?
That's the trouble with the world today.
No one takes the time to do a sinister interrogation anymore. 
It's a lost art.
Your sense of humor doesn't slay me, Commander. 
I'm sorry.
- Where is the GoldenEye?
- I assumed you had it.
I have an English spy, a Severnaya programmer and the helicopter they took.
That's what some traitor in your government wanted it to look like.
-Who was behind the attack on Severnaya?
-Who had the authorization codes?
Russia may have changed, but the penalty for terrorism is still death!
- And what's the penalty for treason?
- Stop it, both of you! 
Stop it!
You're like boys with toys.
It was Ourumov.
General Ourumov set off the weapon.
I saw him do it.
Are you certain it was Ourumov?
Y es. 
He killed everyone and stole the GoldenEye.
And why would he do that?
There is another satellite.
Another GoldenEye?
Thank you, Miss Simonova.
You were saying something about the lost art of interrogation, Mr. Bond?
Defense Minister, I must protest!
This is my investigation.
You are out of order.
From what I am hearing, it is you who's out of order!
- I have seen this gun before.
- Put it down.
- In the hand of our enemy.
- Put it down, General!
Do you even know who the enemy is, Dimitri?
- Do you?
- Guard!
Defense Minister Dimitri Mishkin... murdered by a British agent, James Bond.
Himself shot while trying to escape. 
Guards!
Come on!
They're in the archives!
Down!
Spread out!
Cover the other side!
Trust me.
Go now!
Faster!
Damn it!
Down the alley!
Use the bumper!
That's what it's for!
What was that?
Go left!
Get out!
Either you've brought me the perfect gift, General Ourumov... or you've made me a very unhappy man.
Mishkin got to them before I could.
Bond is alive?
He escaped.
Good for Bond.
Bad for you.
Take a seat, my dear.
You know, James and I shared everything.
Absolutely everything.
To the victor go the spoils.
You'll like it where we're going.
You may even learn to like me.
Stay with her.
Bond.
Only Bond.
He's going to derail us.
Full speed!
Full speed! 
Ram him!
Why can't you just be a good boy and die?
You first.
You... second.
Up!
Situation analysis: hopeless.
You have no backup, no escape route.
And I have the only bargaining chip.
Where is she?
Oh, yes.
Your fatal weakness.
Ourumov, bring her in.
Lovely girl.
Tastes like...
like strawberries.
- I wouldn't know.
- I would.
So, back where we started, James.
Your friend or the mission.
Drop the gun.
I'll let her live.
Ourumov, what has this Cossack promised you?
You knew, didn't you?
He's a Lienz Cossack.
- It's in the past.
- He'll betray you!
- Just like everyone else.
- Is this true?
What's true is that in 48 hours you and I will have more money than God.
And Mr. Bond here will have a small memorial service... with only Moneypenny and a few tearful restaurateurs in attendance.
So, what's the choice, James?
Two targets.
Time enough for one shot.
The girl, or the mission?
Kill her.
She means nothing to me.
See you in hell, James.
One-inch armor plating.
I'm fine, thank you very much!
- Boris, yes!
- What are you doing?
Boris is on-line, backing up his files.
If I can spike him, I might be able to find out where they're going.
But don't stand there!
Get us out of here!
Y es, sir.
Good luck with the floor, James.
I set the timers for six minutes-- the same six minutes you gave me.
It was the least I could do for a friend.
- What does that mean?
- We've got three minutes.
What else do you call your butt?
- What?
- It's Boris' password.
He plays word games: 'What I sit on, but I don't take it with me.'
- Chair.
- Like I said.
Thirty seconds.
He's not in Russia, Germany, Paris, London, Madrid.
Twenty-five seconds.
New Y ork, Toronto, Chicago, San Francisco.
Twenty seconds!
Mexico City, Rio, Miami.
- Come on!
- Wait!
He's in Cuba, Havana. 
No.
Now!
Do you destroy every vehicle you get into?
Standard operating procedure.
'Boys with toys.'
Maybe I should take care of the transportation for our trip to Cuba.
Our trip?
Do you know how to disarm the weapon?
I suppose that depends on what kind of weapon you're talking about disarming.
So, tell me.
Are there any other standard operating procedures...
I should be aware of, Commander?
Thousands.
But I only pay them...
Iip service.
My whole life, I dreamed about coming to the Caribbean.
It's so beautiful.
Not another human being in sight.
What is it with you and moving vehicles?
Y o, Jimbo!
Brought a little gift from old what's-his-name, uh, T, Z--?
- Q. 
- Y eah.
- What are you doing here, Wade?
- Banyan trees.
I am not here.
The ClA has no knowledge, no involvement, absolutely nothing to do... with your insertion into Cuba, if you catch my drift.
Y es, I do, perfectly.
Borrowed the plane from a friend of mine in the DEA.
Now, the Coast Guard and the FAA are both in the loop.
You're cleared on our radar for 0600 hours.
Here's the latest Sat-lnt from Langley.
- Stay below 600 feet.
- 500 feet.
- Who's that?
- Natalya Siminova.
Natalya Simonova.
Russian Minister of Transportation.
Did you check her out?
- Head to toe.
- Right.
So, you're looking for a dish the size of a football field, huh?
Doesn't exist. 
You can't light a cigar in Cuba without us seeing it.
I know it's there.
It's a duplicate of Severnaya, like your secret transmitters in New Zealand.
I've never been to New Zealand.
How'd she know about that?
What if I need backup?
Get on the radio.
I'll send in the Marines.
Anyway, hang a left at the end of the runway.
- Cuba's 80 miles on your right.
- Y o, Wade.
Just one thing: 
Don't push any of the buttons on that car.
-I was going to go bombing around in it.
-Exactly.
Y o, James, I got faith.
But be careful. 
He knows you're coming.
He was your friend, Trevelyan?
And now he's your enemy and you will kill him.
It is that simple?
In a word, yes.
Unless he kills you first.
- Natalya-- 
- You think I'm impressed?
All of you with your guns, your killing, your death. 
For what?
So you can be a hero?
- All the heroes I know are dead.
- Natalya, listen to me.
How can you act like this?
How can you be so cold?
It's what keeps me alive.
No.
It's what keeps you alone.
James?
Y es?
On the train... when you told him to kill me and I meant nothing to you... did you mean it?
Y es.
Basic rule:
always call their bluff.
No.
Turn ten degrees south, bearing one-eight-four.
Y es, sir.
Nothing.
There is nothing here.
Let's make another pass.
Maybe Wade was right.
There is no dish.
Natalya.
This time, Mr. Bond, the pleasure will be all mine.
Wait for your turn.
She always did enjoy a good squeeze.
Is the satellite in range?
- Six minutes.
- Prepare the dish.
No! 
It's too early.
I am not ready.
Do it!
No wonder we couldn't see it.
Come on.
The world's greatest cash card.
It had better not be rejected.
- Mischa is on-line.
- Sir.
Kill him!
The man just won't take a hint.
- Target coordinates?
- The target is London.
He's getting ready to signal the satellite.
- How do you stop it?
- The transmitter above the antenna--
Antenna in position.
On my count.
Three... two... one.
God save the Queen.
The mainframe computer.
Don't move.
James!
What an unpleasant surprise.
- We aim to please.
- Where's the girl?
Find her!
So, how is old Q?
Up to his usual tricks?
The watch.
A new model.
Still press here, do I?
Interesting setup, Alec.
You break into the Bank of England via computer... and then transfer the money electronically... just seconds before you set off the GoldenEye... which erases any record of the transactions.
- lngenious.
- Thank you, James.
But it still boils down to petty theft.
In the end, you're just a bank robber.
Nothing more than a common thief.
You always did have a small mind, James.
It's not just erasing bank records.
It's everything on every computer in Greater London:
tax records, the stock market, credit ratings, land registries... criminal records.
In 16 minutes and 43 sec--
No, 42 seconds-- the United Kingdom will reenter the Stone Age.
A worldwide financial meltdown.
And all so mad little Alec can settle a score with the world 50 years on.
Oh, please, James.
Spare me the Freud.
I might as well ask you if all the vodka martinis ever silence the screams... of all the men you've killed.
Or if you find forgiveness in the arms of all those willing women... for all the dead ones you failed to protect.
England is about to learn the cost of betrayal... inflation-adjusted for 1945.
- Welcome to the party, my dear.
- Natalya!
Don't ever do that again!
This is not one of your games, Boris.
Real people will die!
You pathetic little worm.
She was in the mainframe.
Check the computer.
She's a moron.
A second-level programmer.
She works on the guidance system.
She doesn't even have access to the firing codes.
Retrorockets firing!
What the hell's happening?
We will have reentry in...
12 minutes!
- It will burn up over the Atlantic.
- Deal with it!
She changed the access codes!
Well, then she can fix it.
Go ahead, shoot him.
He means nothing to me.
I can do it!
- I can break her codes.
- Then get on with it!
Tell him, now!
Give me the codes, Natalya!
Give them to me!
- Can Boris break your codes?
- Possibly.
Possibly?
We have to destroy the transmitter.
By the way, I'm fine, thank you very much.
Do you know how to use one of these?
Yes.
Good.
Stay out of sight.
- How long?
- Two minutes. 
One minute.
- Guard!
- I'm fixing it!
If he moves, kill him.
Yes! 
I am invincible!
You know, James...
I was always better.
Alpha One to Gunship.
Alpha One to Gunship!
Speak to me!
For England, James?
No.
For me.
Yes! 
I am invincible!
James! 
James!
Are you all right?
Y es, I'm fine, thank you.
Suppose someone is watching?
No. 
There's no one within 25 miles, believe me.
Y o, Jimbo!
Is this supposed to be your idea of, uh, coming through in a clinch?
It's tobacco plants.
I said I'd be here, huh?
Y o! 
Marines!
Maybe you two would like to finish debriefing each other at Guantanamo.
Maybe you two would like to finish debriefing each other at Guantanamo.
-You ready?
-I'm not going on a helicopter with you.
No plane, no train, nothing that moves.
Darling, what could possible go wrong, eh?

ARKANGEL CHEMICAL WEAPONS FACILITY 
- USSR
Beg your pardon. 
Forgot to knock.
I'm alone.
Aren't we all ?
007.
I had to stop in the bathroom.
Ready to save the world again ?
006.
James... 
For England.
Alec.
It's too easy.
James.
And the other half ?
Fate.
- Set timers: six minutes.
- Six minutes. 
Check.
Fire.
James. 
Last call.
- Buy me a pint.
This is Colonel Ourumov.
Come out with your hands up.
How original.
Alec. 
There's a draught.
Alec ?
slowly.
James. 
Blow them to hell.
- You have ten seconds. 
James.
Hold your fire.
You'll blow the gas tanks.
This is your last chance.
Come out with your hands...
Wait.
You can't win.
Get out there. 
Move. 
Move it.
Hold your fire.
Wait.
NINE YEARS LATER
is it necessary to drive so fast ?
- More often than you'd think.
but...
- Who's that ?
- The next girl.
stop this. 
Stop it.
dear ?
You are just trying to show off the size of your...
- Engine ?
- Ego.
We're having a pleasant drive and you bring psychology into it.
shall we ?
Ladies first.
I want you to stop this car.
- Really ?
- Stop this car at once.
I have no problem with female authority.
you're incorrigible.
What am I going to do with you ?
shall we ?
A very thorough evaluation.
Madame wins.
mademoiselle ? 
Non ?
ladies and gentlemen ?
- No players ?
- Banco.
It appears we share the same passions.
anyway.
I count two - motoring and baccarat.
Seven. 
Madame wins.
I hope the third is where your real talent lies.
One rises to meet a challenge.
Madame stands with five.
Six. 
Madame loses.
- Enjoy it while it lasts.
- The very words I live by.
And what words do you live by ?
- The trick is to quit while you're ahead.
- That's one trick I've never learned.
Perhaps you'll show me how it's done.
not stirred.
And for you ?
The same.
How do you take it ?
with a twist.
Mr...
The name's Bond. 
James Bond.
Xenia Sergueievna Onatopp.
- Onatopp ?
- Onatopp.
Mr Bond.
- You've been to Russia.
- Not recently.
I used to drop in occasionally.
Shoot in and out.
It's very different now.
A land of opportunity.
With a new Ferrari in every garage ?
not quite. 
That belongs to a friend.
A tip for your friend: the French number plates for this year's model start with "L".
Even the counterfeit ones.
Mr Bond ?
Commander.
Shall we go ?
This one is an admiral.
I like a woman who enjoys pulling rank.
Mr Bond.
was all mine.
Transmission begins from Moneypenny.
Xenia. 
Ex-Soviet fighter pilot.
St Petersburg.
Yacht "Manticore" is leased to a known Janus corporate front. but stipulates no contact without prior approval.
End of transmission. 
Moneypenny.
James. 
I trust you'll stay "onatopp" of things.
I can't breathe.
Yes ! 
Yes !
Admiral.
mademoiselle. please take your seats for the demonstration of the aircraft.
What you are about to see is Europe's answer to the electronic battlefield:
the first working prototype of the Tiger helicopter. radio jamming and electromagnetic radiation.
I have a small surprise from your friends at the barracks.
I think I've gone to heaven.
Not yet.
Please welcome the pilots.
Lieutenant Commander Bernard Jaubert and Lieutenant François Brouse.
RUSSIA
Select Mir.
Orthographic projection.
Compute possible intercept with second-stage geo-sat two.
Anna.
He wouldn't know a woman if one came up and sat on his head.
Boris.
What ?
no ?
- What's the password ?
- What's the password?
borscht-for-brains.
All right. 
All right.
I'll give you a hint.
They're right in front of you and can open very large doors.
- You're such a geek.
- Yes. 
I'm in.
You've hacked into the US Department of Justice.
What if they trace it here ?
move me to Moscow and give me a million bucks hard currency.
I think not.
the Americans are slug-heads.
They'll never detect me.
slug-head ?
Nobody screws with Boris Grishenko.
Boris. 
Just hang up.
No way. 
I spiked them.
- All right. 
What's the password ?
- I'm not going to tell you.
OK. 
Let me guess.
It's not in front of me ?
but you can't take it with you.
My program seizes the phone line of whoever's tracing me and jams their modem so they can't hang up.
Now the hunted becomes the hunter. slug-heads.
Bang. 
Gone. 
I am invincible.
too ?
I'm getting some coffee.
I'm going for a cigarette.
head of Space Division.
if I'd known...
- You'd have been ready.
Major. 
War simulation.
We are going to test-fire GoldenEye.
Report your status.
in 90-minute earth orbit at 100km.
Good.
Here is the authorisation code.
please.
I am timing you.
Major.
On my count.
one...
Set target. 
Severnaya.
Arm the weapon.
Check it.
Their best response time is 19 minutes. 
They'll be late.
It's clean. 
I had to ventilate someone.
James.
M will meet you in the Situation Room.
I'm to take you in.
James.
Out on some kind of assignment ?
Dressing to kill ? but I don't sit at home praying for an international incident so I can run down here all dressed up to impress James Bond.
I was on a date with a gentleman.
We went to the theatre.
I'm devastated.
What would I ever do without you ?
you've never had me.
Hope springs eternal.
This sort of behaviour could qualify as sexual harassment.
Really ? 
What's the penalty for that ?
Someday you have to make good on your innuendoes.
I insist. 
You first.
007.
- Tanner. 
What's up ?
we intercepted a distress call from a supposedly abandoned radar station at Severnaya. 
Look.
- We found a match. 
Your missing Tiger.
- In the middle of northern Russia ?
Your hunch was right. 
Too bad the evil queen of numbers wouldn't let you play it.
no. 
I was just... just... thank you very much.
M.
The prime minister's waiting for an update.
Mr Tanner.
Thank you.
your helicopter took off and the Russians had three MiGs intercept it.
What do you think the base is used for ?
We suspected it might be the ground station but...
Our statistical analysis saw they had neither the finance nor technology.
Numbers were never my strong suit.
Are these pictures live ?
we prefer not to get our bad news from CNN.
Negative so far.
Everything seems normal.
What the bloody hell was that ?
Natalya Fiodorovna Simonova.
Boris. 
Boris.
Thanks.
Our satellite is knocked out.
So are two of the Americans.
coming into range now.
Good God.
Two of the MiGs are down.
It looks like the third went into the dish.
What do you think ?
No lights. 
Not one single electric light on in a 30-mile radius.
- EMP ?
- It would explain the MiGs and satellites.
- And the blackout.
- Electromagnetic pulse.
- A satellite weapon developed by the...
- Americans and Soviets in the Cold War.
I've read the brief.
Discovered after Hiroshima. 
Set off a nuclear device in the upper atmosphere.
that destroys everything electronic.
The idea being to knock out the enemy's communications before they can retaliate.
GoldenEye exists.
Yes.
- Could this be an accident ?
- No. 
The helicopter.
it was the perfect getaway vehicle.
Setting off the blast would wipe out any trace of the crime.
- The Janus group ?
- It may be linked to the helicopter.
I know the Russian fail-safe systems.
You just don't walk in and ask for the keys to the bomb. 
You need the access codes.
There had to be an insider.
At least one person probably knows who it is.
sir. 
Thank you. 
Good night.
The prime minister's talked to Moscow. 
It was "an accident on a training exercise".
Governments change.
The lies stay the same.
What else do we know about Janus ?
headquartered in St Petersburg.
Restocked the Iraqis during the Gulf War.
The head man's unreliably described. 
No photographs.
is our only confirmed contact.
- Would you care for a drink?
- Thank you.
- Your predecessor kept some cognac...
- I prefer bourbon.
- Ice ?
- Yes.
We pulled the files on whoever may have had access or authority at Severnaya.
I understand.
Ourumov. 
They made him a general.
He sees himself as the next "iron man of Russia".
Our political analysts say he doesn't fit the profile of a traitor.
Are these the same analysts who said that GoldenEye couldn't exist?
Who said the helicopter posed no threat and wasn't worth following ?
Bond.
You don't like my methods.
more interested in numbers than your instincts.
- The thought had occurred to me.
- Good. obviously appealed to that young woman I sent out to evaluate you.
007. your instincts are dead wrong.
I've no compunction about sending you to your death.
even with your cavalier attitude towards life.
I want you to find GoldenEye.
and stop it. don't run off on a vendetta. 
Avenging Alec Trevelyan will not bring him back.
- You didn't get him killed.
- Neither did you. 
Don't make it personal.
Never.
Bond...
Come back alive.
RUSSIA
General Ourumov.
Defence Minister Mishkin... 
Gentlemen.
deliver your report.
a secret weapons system - codename GoldenEye - was detonated over Severnaya.
I personally undertook the investigation.
I have concluded this crime was committed by Siberian separatists seeking to create political unrest.
the peaceful work and the hard-currency earnings of Severnaya have been set back by several years.
I tender my resignation.
Arkady Grigorovich.
Merely your assurance that there are no other GoldenEyes.
Defence Minister.
And what of the two missing Severnaya technicians ?
I was aware only of the one.
Boris Grishenko.
whose body was not among the dead.
Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova.
A level-two programmer.
I will investigate immediately.
It would seem presumptuous to blame this incident on Siberian separatists before the whereabouts of your own people are determined.
Defence Minister.
Thank you for bringing it to my attention.
That will be all.
Q. Sorry about the leg. 
Skiing ?
Hunting.
007.
007.
all-points radar.
all the usual refinements.
this I'm particularly proud of.
Stinger missiles.
Excellent. 
Just the thing for unwinding after a rough day.
not break the traffic laws.
- I wouldn't think of it.
- Good.
Right. 
Let's get on to more practical matters.
notch.
Have you finished ?
- Yes.
- Good.
I'm familiar with that device.
Not one with a 75-foot rappelling cord built into the buckle. followed by a high-tensile wire designed to support your weight.
I see. 
And what if I need additional support ?
007.
Flight 878 to St Petersburg.
X-ray document scanner.
A pen. 
This is a class 4 grenade.
A pen. 
This is a class 4 grenade.
Another three disarms it.
How long did you say the fuse was ?
007.
it is.
let's ask Freddie here to demonstrate for us.
three.
- Don't say it.
- The writing's on the wall ?
Along with the rest of him.
do please try and return...
Do try and return some of this equipment in pristine order.
Don't touch that. 
That's my lunch.
April's a spring month.
yeah ? 
What are you the weatherman ? with your secret codes and passwords.
One of these days you guys are gonna learn just to drop it.
Come on. 
My car's over there.
- After you.
- Thank you.
drop it.
- All right.
we freeze our butts off.
- Close enough for government work ?
- No.
no.
all right.
- "Muffy" ?
- Third wife.
stiff-assed Brit.
- That's a nice move.
- Nice car.
but she gets you there.
Bond. 
Do you do any gardening ?
St Petersburg express has now arrived at Platform 3.
Jimmy ?
- So what do you know about Janus ?
- Zilch. 
Zipsky.
No one's ever seen him.
But the man's connected up the kazoo.
military... 
Screwdriver.
Rumour has it he lives on one of those old Soviet missile trains.
That armoured stuff they used to run around so we couldn't target 'em.
Jimbo ?
the bigger one. 
The sledge.
you don't find this guy. 
He finds you.
it's all Russian Mafia.
Best thing I can do is point you in the direction of his competition.
- Who is the competition ?
- An ex-KGB guy. 
Tough mother.
Limps on his right leg. 
Name's Zukovsky.
- Valentin Dimitreveych Zukovsky?
- Yeah.
- You know him ?
- I gave him the limp.
Yes ?
- Are these all you have ?
- How many do you want ?
11 for the Swedish.
CD-ROM and 14.4 modems.
- You pay dollars ?
- Of course.
If madam requires a demonstration...
Madam requires one demonstration model and a quiet place to test it.
Natalya.
- Is everything satisfactory ?
- Everything except the interruption.
Jimmy.
you took his girl.
And now you want Zukovsky to set you up with Janus ?
- Yes.
- Are you gonna appeal to his heart ?
- No. 
His wallet.
- That might work.
OK. 
Showtime.
Valentin operates out of building number 23.
Are you sure you wanna do this ?
Last guy who dropped in uninvited went home air freight - in very small boxes.
Make sure they send me home first class.
Natalya. 
It's me. 
It's Boris.
It's Boris. 
It's Boris. 
Hello.
Another morning shot to hell.
Free-market economy !
I swear it will be the end of me.
7.65mm.
Only three men I know use such a gun.
I believe I've killed two of them.
- Lucky me.
- I think not.
James Bond.
sophisticated secret agent.
but not stirred.
Valentin.
Or your need for an audience.
- Who's strangling the cat ?
- Strangling a cat ?
my mistress.
Very talented girl.
Irina. 
Take a hike.
what is it that brings you to my neighbour hood ?
or have you joined the 21st century ?
I hear the new M is a lady.
I want you to do me a favour.
He wants me to do him a favour.
My knee aches every single day.
Twice as bad when it is cold.
Have you any idea how long the winter lasts in this country ?
Dimitri.
- It depends...
Silence.
Valentin.
but to miss the rest of you.
- So why did you not kill me ?
- Call it professional courtesy.
Then I should extend you the same courtesy.
four o'clock this afternoon.
200 pounds of C4 explosives hidden in a casket. their man drives the hearse out.
Their man will be arrested with the explosives.
Your man will make a miraculous escape with the money.
Your man will make a miraculous escape with the money.
And what do I owe for this accommodation ?
I want you to set me up with Janus.
- What has he done to deserve you?
- Stole a helicopter.
- I have six.
- Three. 
None that fly.
- Who's counting ?
- These aren't just criminals but traitors.
They used the chopper to steal a nuclear weapon. 
Killed a lot of innocent Russians.
- What do you expect from a Cossack ?
- Who ?
but I know he's a Lienz Cossack.
Second World War. believing they would join them and wage war against the communists. who promptly had them all shot.
families.
Not exactly our finest hour.
ruthless people.
They got what they deserved.
I want you to set me up with Janus.
Tell him I'm asking about the chopper.
- You meet me tonight at the Grand Hotel.
- And then you and I are even and
- he owes me one.
- Precisely.
Commander.
That depends on your definition of safe sex.
That's close enough.
Not for what I have in mind.
You think you can hurt me ?
You think you can break me
Yes. 
Yes. 
Yes.
no.
No more foreplay.
Take me to Janus.
- This is it?
- Yes.
I've had a lovely evening.
You ?
the pleasure was all yours.
- You'll understand if I don't call.
- I won't lose sleep over it.
Sweet dreams.
James.
- Alec ?
- Back from the dead.
No longer just an anonymous star on the Memorial Wall at MI6.
James ?
No glib remark ? 
No pithy comeback ?
Why ?
Hilarious question. 
Particularly from you. old boy".
Everything you risked your life for has changed".
- It was the job we were chosen for.
- Of course you'd say that.
defender of the so-called faith.
put it away.
It's insulting to think I haven't anticipated your every move.
Yes.
Alec.
- Trust. 
What a quaint idea.
How did the Ml6 screening miss that your parents were Lienz Cossacks ?
your faith is misplaced. 
They knew.
James. mine survived the British betrayal and Stalin's execution squads.
But my father couldn't let himself or my mother live with the shame of it.
MI6 figured I was too young to remember.
and Stalin's execution squads.
But my father couldn't let himself or my mother live with the shame of it.
MI6 figured I was too young to remember. the son went to work for the government whose betrayal caused the father to kill himself and his wife.
come to life.
It wasn't God who gave me this face.
setting the timers for three minutes instead of six.
- Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?
- No. 
You're supposed to die for me. but somehow I knew never to his friend.
James. 
Last call.
James.
Wake up. 
Mister.
please. 
Wake up.
I'm heard. 
I'm heard.
Hurry. 
Hurry up. 
Come on.
Pull yourself together or we're gonna die.
- Do something. 
Get us out of here.
- I'm a little tied up.
Never mind.
The things we do for frequent-flier mileage.
Here. 
Let me help you.
That's it. 
Mind your head.
Let me go.
Who are you ?
- Listen. 
I'm on your side.
- I don't know anything.
- I don't believe you.
- I don't care.
they might be back any minute.
or your countrymen who killed everyone at Severnaya ?
I've never been to Severnaya.
Your watch has. 
Frozen by the GoldenEye blast.
And I'm willing to bet you're the one who climbed up the dish to get out.
- Who are you ?
- I work for the British government.
the more I can help you.
- But I don't know anything.
- Then start with what you do know.
My name is Natalya Simonova.
I was a systems programmer at Severnaya facility until...
Go on.
- ...until they killed everyone.
- Who ? 
Alec Trevelyan ?
- No. 
I don't know who that is.
- Who's the insider ? 
Who's the traitor ?
Boris. 
Boris Grishenko.
- KGB or military?
- Computer programmer.
- There was no one else ?
- No.
aren't they ?
Trust me.
Trust you ? 
I don't even know your name.
Mr Bond. 
Sit.
I am Defence Minister Dimitri Mishkin.
Commander Bond ?
no small talk ?
No chitchat ?
That's the trouble. 
No one has time to do a really sinister interrogation any more.
- It's a lost art.
- Your sense of humour doesn't slay me.
- Where is the GoldenEye ?
- I assumed you had it.
a programmer and a helicopter...
- That's how your traitor wants it to look.
- Who attacked Severnaya ?
- Who had the codes ?
- The penalty for terrorism is still death.
both of you. 
Stop it.
You're like boys with toys.
It was Ourumov.
General Ourumov set off the weapon.
I saw him do it.
- Are you certain it was Ourumov?
- Yes.
then stole the GoldenEye.
And why would he do that ?
There is another satellite.
Another GoldenEye.
Miss Simonova.
Mr Bond ?
I must protest.
This is my investigation.
You are out of order.
it is you who is out of order.
I've seen this gun in the hand of our enemy.
General.
- Do you even know who the enemy is ?
- Do you ?
- Guard. himself shot while trying to escape.
Guards.
Come on.
They're in the archive.
Down.
Spread out. 
Cover the other side.
Trust me.
Go now.
Faster.
Damn it.
Down the alley.
Use the bumper. 
That's what it's for.
Nazad.
What was that ?
Go left.
Get out.
or you've made me a very unhappy man.
Mishkin got to them before I could.
Bond is alive ?
- He escaped.
- Good for Bond.
Bad for you.
my dear.
James and I shared everything.
Absolutely everything.
To the victor go the spoils.
You'll like it where we're going.
You may even learn to like me.
Stay with her.
Bond. 
Only Bond.
He's going to derail us.
Full speed.
Full speed. 
Ram him.
Why can't you just be a good boy and die ?
You first.
You second.
Up.
Situation analysis: hopeless.
no escape route.
And I have the only bargaining chip.
yes. 
Your fatal weakness.
bring her in.
Lovely girl.
Tastes like... 
like strawberries.
- I wouldn't know.
- I would.
James.
or the mission ?
Drop the gun. 
I'll let her live.
what has this Cossack promised you ?
didn't you ?
He's a Lienz Cossack.
- It's in the past.
- He'll betray you. 
Just like everyone else.
- Is this true ?
- What's true is that in 48 hours you and I will have more money than God.
and Mr Bond here will have a small memorial service with only Moneypenny and a few tearful restaurateurs in attendance.
James ?
time enough for one shot.
or the mission ?
Kill her. 
She means nothing to me.
Kill her. 
She means nothing to me.
thank you very much !
Boris. 
Yes.
- What are you doing ?
- Boris is on-line backing up his files.
I might be able to find out where they're going.
sir.
James.
I set the timers for six minutes the same six minutes you gave me.
It was the least I could do for a friend.
- What does that mean ?
- We've got three minutes.
- What else do you call your bottom ?
- What ?
Boris' password. 
He plays word games.
"What I sit on but don't take with me".
- Chair.
- Like I said... 30 seconds.
Madrid... 
- San Francisco...
- 20 seconds.
Miami...
- Come on.
- Wait. 
He's in Cuba. 
Havana... 
No.
Now.
Do you destroy every vehicle you get into ?
Standard operating procedure.
Boys with toys.
Maybe I should take care of the transportation for our trip to Cuba.
Our trip ?
Do you know how to disarm the weapon ?
I suppose that depends on what kind of weapon you're talking about disarming.
tell me. 
Are there any other standard operating procedures 986 Thousands.
But I only pay them lip service.
My whole life I dreamed about coming to the Caribbean.
It's so beautiful.
Not another human being in sight.
What is it with you and moving vehicles ?
Jimbo. 
Brought a little gift from old whatshisname ? 
T ? 
Z ?
- Q. 
- Yeah.
Wade?
- Banyan trees.
no involvement.
if you catch my drift.
I do.
Borrowed the plane from a friend in the DEA.
The Coast Guard and the FAA are in the loop.
You're cleared on our radar for 06:00 hours.
Here's the latest sat-int from Langley.
- Stay below 600 feet.
- 500 feet.
- Who's that ?
- Natalya Simonova.
- Sim-yo-nova.
- Russian minister of transportation.
Did you check her out ?
- Head to toe.
- Right... huh ? 
Doesn't exist.
- Light a cigar in Cuba and we see it.
- I know it's there.
like your secret transmitters in New Zealand.
I've never been there.
How does she know about that ?
- What if I need backup ?
- Get on the radio. 
I'll send in the marines.
hang a left at the end of the runway.
Wade.
Just one thing. 
Don't push any of the buttons on that car.
- I'm just gonna bomb around in it.
- Exactly.
but be careful.
He knows you're comin'.
He was your friend 
- Trevelyan.
And now he's your enemy and you will kill him.
It is that simple ?
yes.
- Unless he kills you first.
- Natalya... your death. 
For what ?
So you can be a hero ?
- All the heroes I know are dead.
- Natalya...
How can you act like this ?
How can you be so cold ?
It's what keeps me alive.
No. 
It's what keeps you alone.
James...
Yes ? did you mean it ?
Yes.
Basic rule: always call their bluff.
No.
bearing 1-8-4.
sir.
Nothing. 
There is nothing here.
Let's make another pass.
Maybe Wade was right. 
There is no dish.
Natalya.
the pleasure will be all mine.
You wait for your turn.
She always did enjoy a good squeeze.
- Is the satellite in range?
- Six minutes.
- Prepare the dish.
- No. 
It's too early.
- I am not ready.
- Do it.
No wonder we couldn't see it.
Come on.
The world's greatest cash card.
It had better not be rejected.
- Mischa is on-line.
- Sir.
Kill him.
The man just won't take a hint.
- Target coordinates ?
- The target is London.
He's getting ready to signal the satellite.
- How do you stop it ?
- The transmitter above the antenna.
Antenna in position.
On my count.
one.
God save the Queen.
- The mainframe computer.
- Don't move.
James. 
What an unpleasant surprise.
- We aim to please.
- Where's the girl ?
Find her.
how is old Q ?
Up to his usual tricks ?
The watch.
do I ?
Alec. then transfer the money electronically which erases any record of the transactions.
James.
But it still boils down to petty theft.
you're just a bank robber.
Nothing more than a common thief.
James.
It's not just erasing bank records. 
It's everything on every computer in London. criminal records. the United Kingdom will re-enter the Stone Age.
A worldwide financial meltdown.
And all so mad little Alec can settle a score with the world 50 years on.
James. 
Spare me the Freud.
I might as well ask you if all the vodka martinis ever silence the screams of all the men you've killed.
Or if you find forgiveness in the arms of all those willing women for all the dead ones you failed to protect. inflation-adjusted for 1945.
my dear.
- Natalya.
Don't ever do that again.
Boris.
Real people will die.
You pathetic little worm.
She was in the mainframe.
Check the computer.
She's a moron.
A second-level programmer.
She works on the guidance system.
She doesn't even have access to the firing codes.
Retro-rockets firing.
- What the hell's happening ?
- We will have re-entry in 12 minutes.
It will burn up somewhere over the Atlantic.
- Deal with it.
- She changed the access codes.
Then she can fix it.
Go ahead. 
Shoot him.
He means nothing to me.
I can do it. 
I can break her codes.
Then get on with it.
Tell him. 
Now.
Natalya.
Give them to me.
- Can Boris break your codes ?
- Possibly.
Possibly ?
We have to destroy the transmitter.
thank you very much !
Do you know how to use one of these ?
Yes.
Good. 
Stay out of sight.
- How long ?
- Two minutes.
- One minute.
- Guard.
kill him.
Yes. 
I am invincible.
James ?
I was always better.
Alpha One to Gunship.
Alpha One to Gunship.
Speak to me.
James ?
No.
For me.
Yes. 
I am invincible.
James. 
James. 
Are you all right ?
I'm fine. 
Thank you.
Suppose someone is watching ?
believe me.
Jimbo.
Is this supposed to be your idea of "coming through in a clinch" ?
It's tobacco plants.
huh ?
Yo. 
Marines.
Maybe you two'd like to finish debriefing each other at Guantanamo ?
- Ready ?
- I'm not going on a helicopter with you.
nothing that moves.
hey ?

I deliver perfection...
and don't brag about it! 
:
D
Arkangel Chemical Weapons Facility 
- USSR -
I beg your pardon.
Forgot to knock.
I'm alone.
Aren't we all?
You're late, 007.
I had to stop in the bathroom.
Ready to save the world again?
After you, 006.
- James... for England.
- For England, Alec.
It's too easy.
Half of every thing is luck, James.
And the other half?
Fate.
Set timers six minutes.
Six minutes. 
Check.
Fire!
- Closing time, James.
- Buy me a pint.
This is Colonel Ourumov.
Come out with your hands up.
How original.
Shut the door, Alec.
There's a draught!
Shut the door, Alec.
There's a draught!
Alec?
Throw down your weapon, and walk towards me... slowly.
Blow them to hell!
You have 10 seconds.
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4...
- 3... 2...
- For England, James!
You'll blow the gas tanks!
Come out with your hands...
Wait!
You can't win.
Get out there!
Hold your fire!
Wait!
Nine Years Later
James, is it necessary to drive so fast?
More often than you'd think.
I enjoy a spirited ride as much as the next girl, but...
- Who's that?
- The next girl.
James, stop this!
- I know what you're doing.
- What's that, dear?
You're trying to show off the size of your...
- Engine?
- Ego.
We're having a pleasant drive and you bring psychology into it.
- I'm here to evaluate you.
- Let's put that behind us.
Ladies first.
I want you to stop this car.
- Really?
- At once!
You can see I have no problem with female authority.
James, you're incorrigible.
What will I do with you?
Let's toast your evaluation, shall we?
A very thorough evaluation.
Madame wins.
Bet, Mademoiselle?
Bets, ladies and gentlemen?
No players?
Banco.
It appears we share the same passions-three, anyway.
I count two - motoring and... baccarat.
Seven. 
Madame wins.
I hope the third is where your real talent lies.
One rises to meet a challenge.
Double.
Madame stands with 5.
Madame loses.
Buliatch!
Enjoy it while it lasts.
The words I live by.
And what words do you live by?
The trick is to quit while you're ahead.
Perhaps you'll show me how that's done.
Vodka martini.
Shaken, not stirred.
- And for you?
- The same.
- How do you take it?
- Straight up, with a twist.
Thank you, Mr...
The name's Bond - James Bond.
Xenia Zaragevna Onatopp.
Onatopp?
Onatopp.
Your accent 
- Georgian?
Very good, Mr Bond.
You've been to Russia.
I used to drop in.
Shoot in and out.
It's very different now.
A land of opportunity.
With a new Ferrari in every garage?
That belongs to a friend.
A tip for your friend.
The French registration plates this year start with "L".
Even counterfeit ones.
And what rank do you hold with the Motor Vehicles Department, Mr Bond?
Commander.
- Shall we go?
- This one is an admiral.
I like a woman who enjoys pulling rank.
- Nice to meet you, Mr Bond.
- The pleasure was all mine.
Transmission from Moneypenny.
Onatopp, Xenia.
Ex-Soviet fighter pilot.
Suspected links to Janus crime syndicate, St Petersburg.
M authorises you to observe Miss Onatopp, but stipulates no...
contact without prior approval.
End of transmission.
Stay "on-a-topp" of things.
Lyubeemyets.
Xenia, I... can't... breathe.
My respects, Admiral.
Delighted to have you aboard, Ma'amselle.
Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats for the aircraft demonstration.
What you are about to see is Europe's answer to the electronic battlefield - the Tiger helicopter.
The Tiger not only uses Stealth technology, it is hardened against all forms of electronic interference and electromagnetic radiation.
I have a small surprise from your barracks friends.
I think I've gone to heaven.
Not yet.
Please welcome the pilots.
Lieutenant Commander Jaubert and Lieutenant Brouse.
Space Weapons Control Centre Severnaya, Russia
Select Mir.
Orthographic projection.
Compute possible intercept with second stage geo-stat two.
Anna.
He wouldn't know a woman if one sat on his head.
Boris.
- Boris!
- What?
I thought I'd post it on the Internet.
- What's the password?
- I made it easy this time.
Even you should break it.
I'll give you a hint.
They're right in front of you and can open very. 
Large doors.
- You're such a geek.
- I'm in!
You've hacked into the U.S. Department of Justice.
What will happen if they trace it here?
They'll call me a genius, and give me a million bucks hard currency.
I think not.
The Americans are slugheads.
They'll never detect me.
You were saying... slughead?
Nobody screws with Boris Grishenko.
Spiked them!
- Boris, just hang up.
- No way! 
I spiked them.
- What's the password?
- I'm not going to tell you.
Let me guess.
It's not in front of me?
You sit on it but can't take it with you.
My programme jams the modem of whoever's tracing me so they can't hang up.
Now the hunted becomes the hunter.
Slugheads.
Bang! 
Gone!
I am invincible!
Was it good for you, too?
- I'll get some coffee.
- I'm going for a cigarette.
General Arkady Grigorovich Ourumov,
Head of Space Division.
- General, if I'd known...
- You'd have been ready.
This is an unscheduled test of Severnaya, Major.
We will test-fire Goldeneye.
Report your status.
Satellites Pety a and Mischa, sir, in 90-minute Earth orbit.
Good. 
Here is the authorisation code.
The Goldeneye and access numbers for satellite Petya, please.
I am timing you.
Good. 
Thank you, Major.
On my count.
3... 2... 1.
Set target. 
Severnaya.
Arm the weapon.
Check it!
Their best response time is 19 minutes.
It's clean.
I had to ventilate someone.
- Good evening, Moneypenny.
- Good evening, James.
M will meet you in the situation room.
- You look lovely.
- Thank you, James.
Out on some kind of assignment?
Dressing to kill?
You'll find this crushing, 007, but I don't sit at home praying for some international incident so I can impress James Bond.
I was on a date with a gentleman.
Moneypenny, I'm devastated.
What would I do without you?
As far as I can remember, James, you've never had me.
Hope springs eternal.
This behaviour could qualify as sexual harassment.
What's the penalty for that?
You have to make good on your innuendoes.
After you, Moneypenny.
No, I insist. 
You first.
- Good evening, 007.
- Tanner. 
What's up?
16 minutes ago, we intercepted a distress call 16 minutes ago, we intercepted a distress call from an "abandoned" radar station at Severnaya.
- We found your missing Tiger...
- In the middle of north Russia.
Your hunch was right.
Shame the evil queen of numbers wouldn't let you play it.
You were saying?
No, I was just... just...
If I want sarcasm, I'll talk to my children.
- Good evening, 007.
- Good evening, M.
The Prime Minister wants an update.
Proceed with your briefing, Mr Tanner.
Thank you.
Your helicopter took off, and the Russians scrambled three Migs to intercept it.
What is the base used for?
We once suspected it might be the ground station for a secret space-based weapon called Goldeneye.
Statistics saw they had neither the finance nor technology.
Numbers were never my strong suit.
Are these pictures live?
Unlike the Americans, we prefer not to get bad news from CNN.
Everything seems normal.
What the hell was that?
Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova.
Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova!
Boris? 
Boris!
Thanks.
Our satellite is knocked out.
So are two of the Americans'.
We have another coming into range now.
Good God.
Two of the Migs are down.
Looks like the third went into the dish.
What do you think?
Not a single electric light on in a 30-mile radius.
E.M.P.?
- It would account for the Migs.
- And the blackout.
Electro-Magnetic-Pulse, a satellite weapon developed by the Americans and Soviets during the Cold War.
Discovered after Hiroshima.
Set off a nuclear device in the upper atmosphere.
Creates a pulse that destroys everything electronic.
Knocking out the enemy's communications before he, she, or they retaliate.
So, Goldeneye exists.
Yes.
Could this be an accident?
No. 
The helicopter.
To steal the Goldeneye, it was perfect.
The blast wipes out any trace of the crime.
Janus?
They may have been involved with the helicopter.
I know the Russian fail-safe systems.
You just don't walk in and ask for the keys to the bomb.
There had to be an insider.
And at least one person probably knows who it is.
Very well, sir.
Thank you. 
Good night.
Very well, sir.
Thank you. 
Good night.
The Prime Minister's talked to Moscow.
They say it was an accident.
Governments change, the lies remain.
What else do we know about Janus?
Top-flight arms dealers, HQ in St Petersburg.
Restocked the Iraqis during the Gulf Wvar.
The head man's unreliably described. 
No photographs.
The woman, Onatopp, is our only confirmed contact.
Would you like a drink?
Thank you.
Your predecessor kept cognac...
I prefer bourbon.
- Ice?
- Yes.
We've looked at anyone who might have had access or authority at Severnaya.
Top of the list is an old friend of yours.
Ourumov.
They made him a general.
Our analysts rule him out.
He doesn't fit the profile of a traitor.
The same analysts who said the Goldeneye couldn't exist, that the helicopter posed no immediate threat and wasn't worth following?
You don't like me, Bond.
You think I'm more interested in my numbers than your instincts.
- It occurred to me.
- Good.
Because I think you're a sexist dinosaur, whose boyish "charms"
obviously appeal to that young woman
I sent to evaluate you.
- Point taken.
- Not quite, 007.
Don't think I don't have the balls to send a man to die.
I've no compunction about sending you to your death.
But I won't do it on a whim, even with your cavalier attitude towards life.
I want you to find who took Goldeneye, what they plan to do with it, and stop it.
If you come across Ourumov, don't run off on any vendetta.
Avenging Trevelyan won't bring him back.
- You didn't get him killed.
- Neither did you.
- Don't make it personal.
- Never.
Bond...
Come back alive.
St. Petersburg, Russia
St. Petersburg, Russia
Good morning, General Ourumov.
Defence Minister Mishkin...
gentlemen.
Please. 
Deliver your report.
72 hours ago, a secret weapons system, codename Goldeneye, was detonated over Severnaya.
I personally undertook the investigation.
I have concluded this crime was committed by Siberian separatists seeking to create unrest.
The peaceful work and hard currency earnings of Severnaya have been set back by several years.
Therefore, I tender my resignation.
We do not want your head, merely your assurance that there are no other Goldeneyes.
I give you that assurance.
And the two missing Severnaya technicians?
I was aware only of the one -
Boris Grishenko.
There was a girl whose body was not found.
Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova.
I will investigate immediately, Defence Minister.
It would seem presumptuous to blame these incidents on Siberian separatists before the whereabouts of your own people are determined.
- Do you agree?
- Yes, Minister.
Thank you for bringing it to my attention.
That will be all.
Morning, Q. Sorry about the leg. 
Sking?
Hunting.
Now, pay attention, 007.
First, your new car.
BMW. 
Agile, five forward gears, all-points radar.
Self-destruct system and all the usual refinements.
This I'm particularly proud of.
Behind the headlights, Stinger missiles.
Just the thing for unwinding after a rough day.
You have a licence to kill,
NOT to break the traffic laws.
- I wouldn't think of it.
- Good.
Let's get on to more practical matters.
A ty pical leather belt.
Male, size 34, buckle, notch.
Have you finished?
- Yes.
- Good. 
A ty. 
Pical belt...
Q, I'm familiar with that device.
Not with a 75-foot rappelling cord built in.
Fire, and out shoots a piston, followed by a high-tensile wire to support your weight.
What if I need additional support?
It's tested for one, 007.
Flight 878 to St Petersburg.
X-ray documents scanner. 
A pen.
This is a Class 4 grenade.
^Three clicks arms the four-second fuse.
Another three disarms it.
How long is the fuse?
Oh, grow up, 007.
"The pen is mightier than the sword."
Thanks to me, it is!
Let's ask Freddie here to demonstrate for us.
Sorry about this, Fred.
1, 2, 3.
Don't say it.
The writing's on the wall?
Along with the rest of him.
007, do please try and return...
Try and return some of this equipment in pristine order.
Don't! 
That's my lunch.
In London, April's a spring month.
What are you, the weatherman?
For crying out loud, another stiff-assed Brit, with your secret passwords.
One day you guys will learn to drop it.
My car's over there.
- After you.
- Thank you.
Like you said, drop it.
In London, April's a spring month.
In St Petersburg, we freeze our butts off.
- Is that close enough?
- No. 
Show me the rose.
Please, no.
All right, all right.
Muffy?
Third wife. 
Jack Wade, CIA.
James Bond, stiff-assed Brit.
- Nice move.
- Nice car.
She's an ugly little bitch, but she gets there.
Hey, Bond, do you do any gardening?
Hand me that wrench, Jimmy.
So what do you know about Janus?
Zilch. 
Zipsky.
No one's ever seen him, but he's connected.
KGB, military. 
Screwdriver.
Rumour is he lives on an old missile train like they used to run around so we couldn't target 'em.
Hand me that hammer, Jimbo.
No, the bigger one, the sledge.
Anyways, you don't find this guy, he finds you.
Hell, it's all Russian Mafia.
I can point you in the direction of his competition.
Who IS the competition?
Ex-KGB guy. 
Tough mother.
Got a limp. 
Name's Zukovsky.
Valentin Dimitreveych Zukovsky?
- You know him?
- I gave him the limp.
Yes?
Are these all you have?
How many do you want?
24 for the American school, 11 for the Swedish.
IBM compatible, 500 Mb hard drive, CD-Rom and modem.
- You pay dollars?
- Of course.
If madam requires a demonstration...
One demonstration and a quiet place to test it.
Natalya.
Is everything satisfactory?
Everything except the interruption.
You shot him in the leg,
You shot him in the leg, stole his car, took his girl.
Now you want Zukovsy to set you up with Janus?
Yes.
Are you going to appeal to his heart?
- No. 
His wallet.
- That might work.
OK, showtime.
Valentin operates out of number 23.
Last guy who dropped in uninvited went home air freight in very small boxes.
Make sure they send me first-class.
Natalya! 
Shh! 
It's me.
It's Boris.
It's Boris. 
Hello.
Another morning shot to hell.
Free market economy will be the end of me.
Walther PPK, 7.65 mm.
Only three men I know use such a gun.
I've killed two of them.
- Lucky me.
- I think not.
And if you love him
Oh, be so proud of him
'Cause, after all
He's just a man
"Stand by your man"...
James Bond-charming, sophisticated secret agent.
"Shaken, not stirred."
You haven't lost your delicate sense of humour, Valentin, or your need for an audience.
Who's strangling the cat?
Strangling a cat?
"Stand by your man"...
That is Irina, my mistress.
Very talented girl.
Irina! 
Take a hike!
"Man"...
So, Mr Bond, what brings you to my neighbourhood?
Still working for MI6, or have you joined the 21st century?
I hear the new M is a lady.
I want you to do me a favour.
He wants ME to do HIM a favour!
My knee aches every day, twice as bad when it's cold.
Have you any idea how long winter lasts in this country?
Tell him, Dimitri.
- It depends...
- Silence!
Surely someone of your stature must have realised the skill wasn't to hit your knee, but to miss the rest of you.
So why did you not kill me?
Call it professional courtesy.
Then I should extend you the same courtesy.
Kirov's funeral parlour, 4.00 today.
200 pounds of C-4 explosives hidden in a casket.
Your man drives the hearse in, the money's exchanged, their man drives the hearse out.
Their man is arrested.
Your man escapes with the money.
Your money.
And what do I owe for this accommodation?
I want you to set me up with Janus.
What has he done to deserve you?
- Stole a helicopter.
- I have six.
- Three. 
None that fly.
- Who's counting?
They are traitors.
They killed a lot of innocent Russians.
What do you expect from a Cossack?
Who?
I never met Janus, but I know he's a Lienz Cossack.
The group that worked for the Nazis?
You know your history.
At the end of the war, the Lienz Cossacks surrendered to the British, believing they would wage war against the communists.
But the British betrayed them, sent them back to Stalin, who had them shot.
Women, children, families.
Not exactly our finest hour.
Still, ruthless people.
They got what they deserved.
Tell Janus I'm asking about the chopper.
Meet me at the Grand Hotel.
Then you and I are even and he owes me one.
Precisely.
You don't need the gun, Commander.
That depends on your definition of safe sex.
That's close enough.
Not for what I have in mind.
You think you can hurt me?
You think you can break me?
No, no, no.
No more foreplay.
Take me to Janus.
- This is it?
- Yes.
Well, I must say, I've had a lovely evening.
You?
The pleasure was all yours.
You'll understand if I don't call.
I won't lose sleep over it.
Sweet dreams.
Hello, James.
Alec?
Back from the dead.
No longer just an anonymous star on the MI6 memorial wall.
What's the matter, James?
No glib remark, no pithy comeback?
Why?
Hilarious question, particularly from you.
Did you ever ask why we toppled all those dictators and regimes, only to come home - "Sorry, old boy."
"Everything you risked your life for has changed."
- We were chosen to do it.
- You would say that.
James Bond, Her Majesty's loyal terrier, defender of the so-called faith.
Please, James, put it away.
I've anticipated your every move.
Yes...
I trusted you, Alec.
Trust-what a quaint idea.
How did MI6 miss that your parents were Lienz Cossacks?
Your faith is misplaced.
They knew.
We're both orphans.
But where your parents had the luxury of dying in a climbing accident, mine survived the British betrayal.
My father couldn't let himself or my mother live with the shame of it.
MI6 figured I was too young to remember, and in one of life's little ironies, the son worked for the government whose betrayal caused the father to kill himself and his wife.
Hence Janus, the two-faced Roman god, come to life.
God didn't give me this face.
You did, setting the timers for 3 minutes instead of 6.
Should I feel sorry for you?
No, you're supposed to die for me.
Oh, by the way...
I did think of asking you to join my little scheme, but I knew 007's loyalty was always to the mission, never to his friend.
Closing time, James, last call.
For England, James.
Wake up! 
Mister!
Wake up! 
Mister!
Wake up, please!
Wake up!
- I'm here. 
I'm here!
- Hurry up! 
Come on!
Pull yourself together!
- Get us out of here!
- I'm a little tied up.
The things we do for frequent-flyer mileage.
Let me help you. 
Mind your head.
Let me go!
Who are you?
I'm here to help.
- I don't know anything.
- I don't believe you.
Either take your chances with me or your countrymen who killed everyone at Severnaya.
- I've never been to Severnaya.
- Your watch has.
Frozen by the Goldeneye blast.
I bet you're the one who climbed up the dish to get out.
Who are you?
I work for the British government.
- Tell me what you know.
- I don't know anything.
Start with what you do know.
My name is Natalya Simonova.
I was a systems programmer at Severnaya until...
- Go on.
- Until he killed everyone.
Alec Trevelyan?
I don't know who that is.
- Who's the traitor?
- Boris. 
Boris Grishenko.
- KGB or military?
- Computer programmer.
There was no one else?
No.
They'll kill me, won't they?
Trust me.
Trust you?
I don't even know your name.
Good morning, Mr Bond.
Sit.
I'm Defence Minister Dimitri Mishkin.
How shall we execute you, Commander Bond?
No small talk? 
No chit-chat?
No one does a really sinister interrogation any more.
It's a lost art.
- Where is the Goldeneye?
- I assumed you had it.
Who's behind your attack on Severnaya?
Who had the codes?
The penalty for terrorism is death.
- And for treason?
- Stop it, both of you!
You're like boys with toys.
It was General Ourumov.
He set off the weapon.
I saw him do it.
Are you certain it was Ourumov?
Yes. 
He killed every one and stole the Goldeneye.
Why would he do that?
There is another satellite.
Another Goldeneye.
Thank you, Miss Simonova.
You were saying something about the lost art of interrogation, Mr Bond.
Defence Minister, I must protest.
This is my investigation.
You are out of order.
I hear YOU are out of order.
I've seen this gun before, in the hand of our enemy.
Put it down!
Do you even know who the enemy is, Dimitri?
Guard!
Defence Minister Dimitri Mishkin... murdered by British agent James Bond... himself shot while trying to escape.
Guards!
Come on!
They're in the archive!
Down!
Spread out! 
The other side!
Trust me.
Go now!
Faster!
Damn it.
Down the alley!
Use the bumper.
What was that?
Go left!
Get out!
Either you've brought me the perfect gift, or you've made me a very unhappy man.
Mishkin got to them before I could.
Bond is alive?
He escaped.
Good for Bond, bad for you.
Take a seat, my dear.
James and I shared everything.
Absolutely everything.
To the victor go the spoils.
You'll like where we're going.
You may even learn to like me.
Stay with her.
Bond! 
Only Bond.
- He's going to derail us!
- Full speed!
Ram him!
Why can't you just die?
You first. 
You second.
Up!
Situation analysis... hopeless.
You have no escape route, and I have the only bargaining chip.
Where is she?
Ah, yes, your fatal weakness.
Ourumov, bring her in.
Lovely girl.
Tastes like strawberries.
- I wouldn't know.
- I would.
Back where we started, James.
Your friend or the mission.
Drop the gun. 
I'll let her live.
Ourumov, what has this Cossack promised you?
You knew, didn't you?
- He's a Lienz Cossack.
- It's in the past.
He'll betray you, just like everyone else.
Is this true?
In 48 hours we'll have more money than God.
And Mr Bond will have a small memorial service with only Moneypenny and a few restaurateurs in attendance.
So what's the choice, James?
Two targets, time enough for one shot.
The girl or the mission?
Kill her.
She means nothing to me.
See you in hell, James.
One-inch armour plating.
I'm fine, thank you very much.
Boris. 
Yes!
What are you doing?
Boris is on-line.
Maybe I can find out where they're going.
Well, get us out of here.
Yes, sir.
Good luck with the floor.
I set the timers for six minutes, the same you gave me.
It was the least I could do for a friend.
- What does that mean?
- We've got three minutes.
- What do you call your bottom?
- What?
"What I sit on but don't take with me."
- Chair.
- Like I said... 30 seconds...
He's not in Russia, Germany,
Paris, London, Madrid, New York, Toronto, Chicago... 20 seconds!
Rio, Miami...
- Come on!
- He's in Cuba! 
Havana... no!
Now!
Do you destroy every. 
Vehicle you get into?
Standard operating procedure.
Boys with toys.
I should take care of transport for our trip to Cuba.
OUR trip?
Can you disarm the weapon?
That depends what kind of weapon you're talking about.
So, tell me... are there any other standard operating procedures
I should be aware of, Commander?
Thousands.
But I only pay them lip service.
My whole life I dreamed about coming to the Caribbean.
It's so beautiful.
Not another human being in sight.
What is it with you and moving vehicles?
Yo, Jimbo! 
Brought a little gift from what's-his-name...
- T... 
Z...
- Q.
What are you doing here?
Banyan trees.
I'm not here.
The CIA had nothing to do with your insertion into Cuba.
- You catch my drift?
- Perfectly.
Borrowed the plane from the DEA.
The Coast Guard and FAA are in the loop.
Here's the latest Sat-Int from Langley.
Stay below 600 feet.
500 feet.
Who's that?
- Natalya Siminova.
- Natalya Simonova.
Russian Minister of Transportation.
Did you check her out?
Head to toe.
Right.
You're looking for a dish the size of a football field?
Doesn't exist.
We see every. 
Cigar lit in Cuba.
It's a duplicate of Severnaya, like your secret transmitters in New Zealand.
How does she know about that?
- What if I need backup?
- Get on the radio.
Turn left and Cuba's 80 miles on your right.
Don't push any buttons.
- I'll just bomb around in it.
- Exactly.
Yo, James, be careful.
He knows you're coming.
He was your friend, Trevelyan.
And now he's your enemy and you will kill him.
It is that simple?
In a word... yes.
- Unless he kills you first.
- Natalya...
All your guns, your death, for what?
So you can be a hero?
All the heroes I know are dead.
- Natalya, listen...
- How can you be so cold?
It's what keeps me alive.
No.
They're 1, 400 A. U. 's away. 
We are closest to lxion.
Ourjob is not finished here. 
You said it yourself, Glen.
Without support, this fleet is going under.
Lxion is infinitely more important... than a tiny airstrip on Demios, Commodore.
Taking lxion now would cut two years off the war... and could save a million lives.
At the expense of 25,000 lives, my lives, fighting down on planet.
Colonel, I know you to be a student of military history.
What is your counsel?
I would retreat this fleet and then advance to lxion.
The Chig counterattack will be severe.
I would send the Fourth Fleet to lxion as support.
The 58 is down there, McQueen.
In the Second World War, thejapanese committed their finest troops... to protecting the island of Guadalcanal... neglecting the strategic importance of New Guinea. 
Our marines were on their own for eight months...  while the Allies exploited thejapanese mistake.
It broke the back of the Nippon Offensive. 
After the Canal, we took the war to them.
We will not abandon our troops on planet.
Ming, pull back two supply ships to a distance of one A. U.
It will resupply the forces on Demios at any window of opportunity. 
I respect your thoughts, Commodore,  but this battle will not be won here. 
We'll win it at lxion.
- 
-  We got 'em. !
- 
- Incoming!
Saratoga,  this is Demios in immediate need of air support.
The French division is in retreat. 
We've lost our right flank. !
In jeopardy of losing our position. 
- Request immediate air support.
- Where the hell are they?
Commodore Ross. 
Sir. 
The right thing to do is rarely the easiest.
McQueen, right now our people on planet don't have the luxury of time... to consider right or wrong.
Hell, they don't have time to think.
They can only react, dead or alive.
You and I have been there... and we know that amidst all the hellfire and fear... and the seconds between firing and being fired upon... there is a whisper in their hearts that feels... like a scream at the top of their lungs saying, "We'll be there to back them up. "
And now we won't be.
Yes, sir, I have been there.
I know that hell.
And I would give my life... if it meant that one other human being would not have to go through... what those kids are going through down there.
And I know my kids feel the same way.
Taking lxion now would save a million kids from that hell.
I just can't bring myself to leave them.
Me neither.
I wanna join them... sir.
Request permission to stay with the supply ship with the intent of going on planet.
Permission denied.
I'm not going to reduce the Corps's finest pilot to a supply sergeant.
Commodore Ross-
Glen-
I'm asking as a friend.
And I'm responding as one. 
No.
All of us are going to lose too many friends in this war.
Hey, man, everyone else has bolted over the ridge.
We're the only ones left out here.
We should fall back to supplementary positions. 
McQueen and Ross would want us to hold our position and wait for air cover.
- Ross and McQueen ain't down here!
- Yes, they are.
-  What's the word?
- Saratoga,  this is Demios.
Request response to request for air cover.
Situation deteriorating.
Many units in retreat.
Airfield in jeopardy of being taken.
Many casualties.
Request response.
- Demios, this is the Saratoga. 
- 
Lieutenant.
Marines, this is Commodore Ross of the U. S. S. Saratoga. 
We remain proud of you. 
Due to security reasons... 
I am unable to explain this painful directive. 
Due to the fortunes of war:
Black Forest.
I say again: 
Black Forest. 
- No air support.
- 
Red Sea. 
Red Sea.
No ground reinforcement.
You are encouraged but not so ordered... to continue to engage the enemy. 
Lf, however,  your positions become untenable...  you are authorized to surrender.
Semper fidelis.
- And may God be with you always. 
- 
Helmsman.
Weigh anchor.
Set a course for the Helios system.
- We'll be back for them.
- Yes, sir.
If they're still here.
You know the drill.
No ammo.
Oh, man.
A man's gotta have hope.
Oh, God, the Creator and Redeemer of all the faithful...
- hear our supplication...
-
And through thy infinite love and mercy... graciously grant to the soul of thy servant departed...
The remission of all their sins, by which they may have...
- deserved the severity- -  
- Don't look at me.
- That was me that time.
Of thy justice and punishment in the world to come.
I don't know why we bother with this.
Nobody's gonna do it for us.
- It's not gonna happen to us.
- Marines always bury their dead.
- Oh, but they abandon their living.
- Give it up, man!
We all know they wouldn't have left us here for no reason.
And when they're done with whatever it is, they'll be back. 
1900 hours. 
Satellite's up.
- Key code?
- Tango Echo Charlie.
Frequency 42. 4 gigahertz.
Stellar waypoint finder indicated 49 degrees azimuth.
Solar cell?
Hawkes? 
We may be out of this war,  but we still have a duty. 
Now, on your feet.
- 
- Saratoga,  this is Demios.
People, this is the 53rd day of the counterattack... and we have not lost any ground.
- I don't wanna lose any today.
- 
Has E. E. C. Third Wing reported yet?
Sir, I'm searching all frequencies, but I can't cut through incoming transmissions.
Every day at 1900, this happens.
PlanetDemios reporting enemy location at grid point...  784983... approximately 3,000 in number.
Enemyappears to have abandoned this fight. 
They brought 'em all here to fight this one.
Buried 15 marine casualties today.
Uncertain of survivors on planet. 
Have not come in contact with any friendlies.
Demios, this is Saratoga. 
You are jamming our communications!
Cease with your transmissions!
|
Five-eight, this is Queen Six.
Transmission received.
Relay to Pegasus Theater command.
Good work. 
These are vital reports. 
Keep up the good work, 58.
This is Queen Six, out.
Don't you ever make them think they are not needed!
I say we bail this burial patrol... start spending our time looking for any supply drops we can find.
Help. ! 
Help me. !
- Help. !
-
Help. ! 
I need help. !
- We can't just let him suffer.
- It's B. S.
It's a playback device. 
There's three Chigs out there. 
- Let's take 'em out.
- No ammo.
- You just gonna let 'em mess with our heads like this?
- Shh.
Help. ! 
Help. !
- You eat yellow snow, you Chigs!
- Shh.
- "You eat yellow snow"?
- It was off the top of my head.
Hear me. 
Abe Lincoln's dead. 
- What's that supposed to mean?
- They're using stuff they think will get us mad, psyche us out.
"Abe Lincoln's dead's" supposed to psyche us?
That's just a statement of fact.
Chigs didn't do their homework.
-  Hey, marines, Chicago Cubs suck. !
- Let's get those sons of- 
- It's okay. 
It's okay.
-  Help me. ! 
Hey. 
Give it up.
-  Help me. !
- No. 
It's real. 
They're goin' out for him!
Let's move!
-  - 
-  They're finished. 
- Come on.
Come on.
Nathan, Cooper, keep an eye out.
Foot powder.
Finally luck in on a supply drop.
All we get is foot powder.
Paul?
Paul, that's dirt. 
Paul? 
Paul, are you all right?
The heat from the explosion melted the sugar into the dirt.
Better leave this here. 
For the time when this battle is finally over.
I've lost count ofhow many times I've wondered if I'll ever see them again. 
But some lives never leave your heart.
Some lives are more important than our own.
I have to tell you, sir. 
Some time ago... 
I wouldn't understand what you were talking about.
But those kids, we-
I left behind.
I can't stop thinking about them, if they're all right... what they must be going through,  how proud I am...  when they call every day at 1900.
You know, Ty... someday that call won't come.
A shooting star. 
Maybe it's a sign ofhope. 
That's not a shooting star. 
It's debris from the Eisenhower falling out of orbit.
That'll happen for years.
Well, we ain't gonna be around to see it.
Shut the hell up!
From day one, you have made cracks like that!
What the hell good does it do, huh?
What is the point?
Shane, he's just worn down.
We all are.
This area's familiar.
It's the airstrip.
We're back where we started.
Commodore, the enemy is clearly superior.
There are 100,000 troops on planet.
I will not do to them what you had me do to the troops on Demios. 
Ross, it is time to get the hell out of Dodge.
That's an order.
Stand down, Ross. 
I am responsible. 
I was responsible for the defeat on Demios, and I will be responsible for our defeat here.
Stand down. 
Saratoga, this is Demios. 
As of 0620 this morning...  we have retaken the airfield. 
Awaiting orders.
Sir, there was no defeat at Demios...
- and there will be no defeat here.
- 
Raise position to 15,000 kilometers.
I want the 27, the 32 and the 53rd Squadron... in my sky on the double and raining fire. !
U. S. S. Michigan and Nevada reporting enemy retreat.
- Air forces on planet have achieved air superiority.
- It's ours.
Yeah! 
Yeah!
No word from Demios.
Saratoga, this is Demios at 1900 hours. 
- We report signs of other survivors on planet- 
- Tell 'em we need supplies.
- None have come forth to the airfield. 
- And not foot powder. !
Or shoelaces!
We need food!
Listen to me!
I know you left us here to die, and-
This radio's dead.
- It fried out about 12 days ago.
- Why didn't you tell us?
You been puttin' us through this charade for the last two weeks?
Does Captain Vansen think we couldn't handle it?
Do you think we're children, a bunch of idiots?
Back off, Hawkes.
What are you gonna do? 
You gonna throw me in the brig for striking an officer?
If that's the kind of leader you are- a liar- I am not one of you anymore.
I can't believe you did that to us.
How long would you have let it go on?
I'm goin' with Hawkes.
I did it because without the radio, without a purpose every day...
I knew this would happen.
But now that it's done,  now that it's over, go. 
It will be a relief not to be in command anymore...  not to be responsible for four other lives.
More pieces of the Eisenhower.
No. 
It's not losing altitude.
Looks like a Chig attack squadron maybe a few hundred miles out. 
They're gonna bomb and level this place. 
Let's get to the diner.
We'll get our gear and take off.
I don't wanna run anymore. 
Without the hope of them coming for us...  or us sticking together, I don't wanna run anymore.
If you can't run, I won't either.
I took this from that drawer...  a while ago.
And I'll be honest. 
I wasn't gonna tell anyone. 
Our last supper.
-  
- Everyone gets to wet a finger to the first knuckle. 
Whatever sticks is yours.
It's not a bombing run.
They're landing.
I ain't gonna be no Chig prisoner.
Sorry to just drop in, but you don't call anymore.
As a commander, I feel no need to explain my actions.
But as a man, as a human being...
I must share my emotions.
I have never been more ashamed of myself... or more proud of you.
Welcome home.
I thought you'd like to know...
APC's picked up approximately 2,000 survivors above planet.
Sir. 
All of us who made it back... don't ever want to forget those who didn't.
Oh, I'm so tired.
I just wanna sleep, but I can't. 
It's like I'm supposed to be doin'something. 
I can't remember what. 
Watch your hands. 
Watch your hands. 

[McQueen] Operation Roundhammer will hit the beach at celestial body 2064K.
This is a moon of the Chig's home planet.
- I saw something.
- Enemy?
It kind of had eyes like us.
If this is some innocent life whose home is about to be turned into a devastated battlefield... do we try to warn it?
Go! 
Go!
- [Rumbling] 
- Go!
[Man] It's a single-enemy craft, sir.
[Glen] Yes, Commander.
The rough code suggests the enemy is prepared to present a peace proposal.
[Hissing]
[Static]
[Announcer] We interrupt this program for a special bulletin.
And now, from the secretariat building, Secretary General Diane Hayden.
Good evening, United Peoples of Earth.
Eighteen months and four days ago... the fierce winter storm of war seemed as distant in our history... as the last snowfall to a child retreating in the shade from the heat of the summer sun... until together, we trembled in the chill... as Secretary General Chartwell sat at this desk... and placed the Vesta/Tellus colony massacres... amongst days that will live in infamy.
The United Earth, incapable of dreaming another war... found herself unable to awaken from its awful nightmare.
This evening, however... she sleeps once again beneath the stars of peace.
Today, which in the perplexities of space travel will occur here two weeks from now... an alien envoy landed aboard the U.S.S. Space carrier Saratoga... with a proposal for a cease-fire.
We believe this proposal to be genuine, the envoy to be legitimate.
And I am relieved to announce that peace negotiations will commence immediately.
Wherever you stand on our Earth... whether in the warm light of our sun or the pale light of the moon... however you talk to God, whether formally or by internal whisper... ask that Earth's prayers for universal peace... be answered in the next hopeful hours.
Damn her.
I said not to jump the gun.
[Announcer] We now return to our regular broadcasting.
How can we not negotiate with that thing we have down in the hold... now that she's just told the entire world peace is at hand?
I told her we had not confirmed... whether it represented all the enemy, some of the enemy, or just itself... or if this were just a deception.
[Stenner Continues] If it were only human, I could look it in the eye.
I could get some kind of a feeling, a hunch... anything that told me if this was the truth or a lie.
[Stenner] Colonel?
I understand what you're saying, sir.
[McQueen] Even with an A.I. I get a sense of the enemy.
But as I look at that thing... all I get is an odd feeling that this is either a beginning... or an end.
[Man] We thought we were alone.
We believed the universe was ours.
Until one night in 2063, on an Earth colony 16 light-years away... they struck.
And now we are at war.
My name is Lieutenant Colonel T.C. McQueen.
I'm an InVitro, a race of artificially gestated humans.
I command a Marine Corps squadron- the 58th.
They call us the Wild Cards.
We fight when called- in space, on land and at sea.
To lose this war means more than defeat.
To surrender is to never go home.
All of us must rise to the call above and beyond.
No, not that one.
Just like this.
Imagine if it's over.
No more 60 pound rebreather packs till 4:00 in the morning.
No more mud, blood...
A.I.'s or Chiggies.
No more... 
Wild Cards.
[Vanessa] They won't keep a squadron of offiicers together during peacetime.
It was only the personnel shortage... that kept us together like this.
It was much more that held us together.
[Vanessa] Think we would have been friends... if we had met under different circumstances?
Would we all hang out together?
Will we be friends when the war is over?
Definitely.
My dad had said that he was never closer to anybody... than a group of guys that he went through boot with.
Then eight weeks later they got their orders, went their separate ways... and he never heard from any of'em again.
One of them came to his funeral.
We can request to stay together.
I'm sure they'd make an exception because of our war record.
- I'd do it.
- In a second.
If this crap's really over and the peace holds... my sentence would be up.
I'd be free to go home.
I'd do that in a second too.
- [Sneezes] 
- Bless you, sir.
[Beeping]
Commodore, LI DAR detects a battle group of enemy ships 250K MSKs from our position.
- [Sneezes] 
- They're probably just keeping an eye on the peace talks.
If that Chig in the hold isn't a sanctioned envoy... that enemy battle group may not know a damned thing about any peace talks.
Let's see if they know about each other.
[Pressure Hisses]
- [Beeping] - [Man] Per your request, Admiral... the alien envoy alleges this transmission will alter the enemy battle group... a hundred clicks laterally as a display of the envoy's validity.
[LIDARBeeping]
The fleet stands in full readiness, sir.
- Go ahead, Colonel.
- Yes, sir.
[Typing]
[Beeping]
It's for real.
[Cooper Laughs] S
- I'm sorry, man.
It's
- It's the weird cabbage they serve in the mess.
I won't miss Hawkes's aggressive flatulence.
It's clear on your 6:00.
That cabbage was good, wasn't it, Hawkes?
It's an InVitro thing.
I wanted to bring you up to date.
Looks like the envoy is legit.
Each side will now present each other with a list of criteria to be met... before negotiations can begin... including a list ofTellus and Vesta colony prisoners.
It looks good.
[Vanessa] Sir, you saw it.
What does a Chig look like?
Admiral Stenner doesn't want it talked about, so I won't.
Colonel, what'll you do if the war's over?
Well...
I'll find a quiet place, alone... and ask forgiveness for the lives I've taken.
Then I'll pull out the accordion... get naked and polka around the flight deck.
Pray for war.
Did you know Coop's sentence is up?
I can go home.
To what?
I'll miss you guys.
But I'm glad it's over.
Except for Nathan.
Even if the war ends, it's not over.
[Colonel] This is the enemy envoy's response to our list of demands.
It wants the chief executive officer of Aero-Tech...
E. Alan Wayne, to attend the peace talks.
Get on it.
To meet our first demand, here is a list of colonials held in enemy captivity.
They've agreed that the moment peace talks commence... they will be transferred to an ISSAPC and returned to the Saratoga.
Gentlemen, our enemy is cooperating.
[Stenner] Maybe this thing is for real.
West, here it is. 
They've published the list of surviving colonial hostages.
Way to go, West.
All right.
Colonel, is this really gonna happen?
Well, as soon as E. Alan Wayne arrives, the talks will begin.
- The prisoners are to be- 
- No, I don't mean those details.
The Chig down in the hole, you've seen it.
What's your feeling?
Is this a lie?
So far, its intentions are honorable.
But I don't know, West.
There's something about it.
Sir, I need to know.
I get a lot from a person, looking into their eyes.
Hell, even an animal. 
I can look in a dog's eyes and know if it's gonna bite me.
But this Chig-
[Sighs] Its eyes are so black.
Empty.
Yet brilliant.
- [Sighs] 
- Sir?
What did the rest of it look like?
We won't say nothin'.
[Sighs] Almost a human-shaped head... whitish-pink skin, gills.
Does it have a...
protruding lower jaw?
Who told you?
Colonel, I need to see it.
[Monitor Beeps]
[Sighs]
We told it.
- Told it what?
- On Anvil.
We believed it to be the last of a species... that would be destroyed by Operation Roundhammer, and we told it.
The enemy knows our battle plans.
[Man] Shuttle 5-niner-72, you are clear to land on pad five.
[Woman] Roger, two. 
Clear on five.
- Mr. Wayne.
- Yeah.
- Welcome to the U.S.S. Saratoga, sir.
- Boys.
- May we escort you to your quarters?
- Sure. 
Sure.
Here. 
A Roosevelt dime, minted in 2015... the year they stopped making 'em... and the year Aero-Tech was incorporated.
Treat yourselves.
[Laughs]
- Sir, I'm sorry. 
This way.
- Thank you.
- [Woman] Mr. Wayne.
- Mm-hmm?
Can you give us Aero-Tech's posture on the peace talks?
Our posture, uh, is an angry one.
The brave, peace-loving heroes of Vesta and Tellus were more than just colonists.
They were family.
Their unprovoked massacre will not be quickly forgotten.
- Thank you. 
Thank you, Mr. Wayne.
- Excuse us. 
Right this way, sir.
Imagine, if on the morning ofJune 6, 1944... we give the Nazis a call advising them that the Allies would be landing on Omaha Beach!
You people are supposed to be the best there is. 
What the hell were you thinking?
Sir, we believed an encounter with an unknown extraterrestrial form... to be the sole remaining-
I don't care what you thought.
There's no excuse for what you've done.
Admiral, this is undoubtedly a... colossal M.C.S.
However, it does flush out a motive for the enemy's sudden peace initiative.
It indicates they know we'd kick their ass if we landed.
We should strike now and put them away.
Or it's a stall while they double back troops to Anvil. 
It's either one or the other.
Either scenario, we go in now, achieve peace our way.
Sir, to atone, may I volunteer the 58th to monitor enemy troop movement?
You people don't know the enemy when you see it. 
No.
Request denied.
You are out of this war.
Admiral, this squadron is the finest-
Pending further disciplinary action.
Now, get out of my sight.
[Door Closes]
Whew.
What have we got here?
The mice are hunchbacked option, I see.
[Laughs] Very civilized.
Why am I here?
- [Computer Beeps] 
- What do the Chigs want with me?
This is a strange one, sir.
Unlike any of the others.
Just sits there. 
Doesn't want to give anything away.
These peace talks, they legitimate?
No. 
They already have all the advantages.
They're up to something.
Do they know anything more than they already know?
Well, frankly, Mr. Wayne, they already know all they need to know.
Hmm.
[Exhales]
Will they use it?
You know they will.
Well, you're paid to tell me what I don't know.
- So get out of my face.
- [Punches Key]
You're fired.
Looks like we might be joining you as civilians, Coop.
After all we've been through, to be drummed out at peacetime.
Atten-hut!
As you were.
[Clears Throat]
Colonel, the lab coats tell me because of this cold... my attendance at the peace talks could potentially endanger the enemy.
[Sighs]
My request of Admiral Stenner, who remains furious... is that you attend as representative of the Saratoga.
He acquiesced, pending your physical and a green light from the docs.
I'd be proud, sir.
My whole life, I have dreamed of being a part of such an historic occasion... and now, to be sidelined because of a damn cold.
Get some rest, sir.
[Synthesiyed Male Voice] Our intent is peace through understanding.
Gentlemen. 
Ambassador.
[McQueen] It has been predetermined that at this time... the surviving Tellus and Vesta colonists... who've all been transferred safely to an ISSAPC... and are holding on celestial body 2064R... would be granted permission to return to the Saratoga.
[Synthesized Voice] Agreed.
Conference room to command center.
Transmit the code provided by the Ambassador.
Roger that.
[Radio Operator] ISSAPC Homeward Bound confirms takeoff.
The colonists are on their way.
Thank you, Ambassador.
Let us, as we say, Ambassador... take your lead toward an understanding.
Every person on Earth would like to hear why hundreds of, frankly, innocent lives... were taken by the attack on the Vesta and Tellus colonies.
[Synthesiyed Male Voice] Ask Mr. Wayne.
[Synthesiyer Continues] He knew we were there.
[Whispering] The only thing I know now, what I knew before... is the Chig's capacity for lies.
Our moon, where you were to invade with Roundhammer, is sacred-
Where our life began.
It is still where we go to be born.
An Aero-Tech unmanned probe landed on this moon.
- [Synthesiyer Continues] Correct?
- [Wayne Chuckles] I th-
Contact with that probe was lost hours after it was launched.
We destroyed it after transmitting a warning to stay away.
There was an unintelligible blast of radio static.
You knew.
All right, you claim to have sent a signal, one we can't decipher.
Even if this lie is true... we settled two billion miles away.
How can you lay sole claim to the universe?
[Synthesiyed Voice] How can you claim the Earth?
It's our home.
We originated there.
So did we.
[Synthesiyed Voice] 300,000 years ago... like you do now...
[Synthesiyed Voice On Radio] We searched for our origins.
Unfamiliar minerals were discovered on our sacred moon.
It was determined to be cosmic debris... from a planet impacted by a comet.
This was before there was life.
We searched for centuries... found the closest planet... with the exact mineral composition to be Earth.
We can prove early amino acids on Earth... were a part of debris which landed on our moon... and our life began.
Evolved differently, faster.
We are from the same place.
Let me remind everybody that this is totally hypothetical. 
It's unsubstantiated.
It goes against all the scientific evidence... that we at Aero-Tech have given, that we humans have gathered.
[Synthesiyed Voice] We are you.
You are murderous.
You are bloodthirsty.
- You are barbarous, treacherous.!
- We have watched you while you were in caves.
- You should be destroyed.
- That is all Earth has ever been.
- Every last monstrous Chig!
- That is why we told you to stay away.
[Gas Hisses]
[Grunts]
[Men Choking, Grunting]
[Cocks Gun]
[Alarm Blares]
[Shallow Breathing]
[Alarm Blares]
How did this happen?
Who is responsible?
We're investigating that, sir.
Answer my question.
How did it get a bomb in there?
Who's responsible?
Who's responsible?
[Engines Roar]
Saratoga to Homeward Bound.
[Radio Operator] There has been an executive action on board.
Advise, you are on red alert.
Repeat, red alert.
Enemy may engage in retaliatory strike on hostages.
- Speak of the devil.
- [Beeping]
We got a mess of bogeys closing, 50 MSKs.
- [Ships Roar] - [Pilot Continues] Twelve o'clock high.
- [Passengers Screaming] - [Electricity Crackling]
[Man On Radio] Watch your 6:00.! 
Watch your 6:00.!
[Grunting]
- [Passengers Screaming] - [Electricity Crackling]
- [Electricity Zapping] - [Screaming]
The Homeward Bound APC is disabled.
Position midrange between the Saratoga and the enemy's position.
[Sighs]
Place the 59 Ready Reserves squadron on alert.
Inform Captain Peng I want his people ready to fly in ten mikes.
Negative. 
Belay that last.
I want the 58 on this rescue.
Sir, Admiral Stenner had confined them-
Shuffle up the Wild Cards!
And deal 'em.
[Beeping]
Main engine gimbal complete.
[Nathan] H2 tank pressurization okay.
[Shane On Radio] Master arms switch... safe.
- [Man On Radio] Five-eight, clear for departure.
- Let's go get her.
[Radio Operator] Saratoga to Wild Cards. 
Be advised.
Confirmed enemy squadron 750K MSKs out... from position of Homeward Bound and closing hard.
Roger that, Saratoga.
[Man] Wild Cards, this is the 59... coming up on your 12:00, 3:00 and 9:00.
If we could get to the cockpit, I could reboot the auxiliary power.
But I can't open the hatch without an external battery.
We can only sit and wait.
[In French Accent] There... in the sky.
- [Taps Button] - [Beeps]
[Beeping]
Poppin' a chub in three, two, one.
- [Impacts] 
- Got it.
[Engines Slow]
Peng to Wild Cards. 
Home base advising us to engage closing enemy squadron.
We'll take 'em out and get 'em off your back.
Roger that. 
We are proceeding with transfer and will return to home base.
See you there.
[Squeaks]
This one's mine.
Once, twice, dice, shoot.
Better luck next time.
[Nathan Coughing]
God, what smells so rank?
[Man Coughing]
[Sighs]
[Peng] Fifty-ninth Reserve to Wild Cards.
We're in a real hairy one.
Kanga and Roo are down.
- Enemy is superior. 
Request- - [Static]
Let's get our people out of there.
[Shane] We got Chig fighters 500 MSKs and closing fast.
We're not home yet.
[Shane] It's gonna be raining Chigs in five Mikes. 
Let's scramble.
Don't worry.
I'm right behind you.
- Wang, let's go.
- [Electricity Switch Clicks]
Hoorah, jumped her back.
We can fly this bird home.
Wang, West, transfer.
We gotta scramble.
West, this doubles our weapons.
She'll have a better chance of making it home.
We all will.
You fly, I fight.
Captain. 
We're flying this APC back.
We're on your 3:00.
Roger that.
Hawkes, stations. 'Phousse, shotgun.
Okay, strap yourselves in!
This flight's gonna suck, and we don't serve peanuts.
[Switches Beeping, Flipping]
[Beeping]
Saratoga, this is King of Hearts.
We are 425KMSKs out.
Closing on planet 2063 Yankee.
Bandits on our 6:00 and closing.
[Electricity Crackles]
Right here!
- [Grunts] 
- That was bad!
That was worse!
We got it hot up here!
[Shane] Hang on. 
We're comin'in tight on your 7:00.
Captain, we got a vehicle full of civilians.
We cannot engage in A.C.M.
Eh, it'll give them something to talk about.
- [Engines Roar] - [Grunts]
[Screams]
Yes! 
Yes! 
Come on.
Hoo-yah! 
Got 'em!
[Shane] I'm not reading any more bandits.
Looks like they all turned tail and
- Oh, God.
[Electrical Crackling]
West.! 
West.! 
Are you in position tojudy the captain and Damphousse?
Vansen! 
Vansen!
Damphousse!
[Electricity Crackling]
This is Vansen.
The planet's gravity got us.
We're going down.
West to Vansen. 
Hold on.
We're coming after you.
Secure the colonists.
Use the personal rescue enclosures.
Negative! 
Damphousse is out.
I'm not leavin' her.
We'll fire a deorbiter burn... and hope the chutes make touchdown... survivable.
- We'll intercept.
- [Shane] Nathan.!
- Take her home.
- [Electricity Crackles]
Roger that.
Semper fi... my friend.
[Paul] Chig squadron bearing down.
West to Hawkes. 
Manually disengage the cargo hold from the APC fuselage.
[Door Hisses]
[Muffled Explosions, Gunfire]
[Muffled Explosions Continue]
Disengaging in five, four, three, two, one!
[Bangs]
Wang, get in the cockpit.
We gotta dump the cargo hold... before we hard dock with the colonists.
I can't. 
We got incoming.
I gotta provide cover.
[Paul] Chig squadron bearing down.
Providing cover.
[Paul Yells]
- [Explosion] - [Grunts]
- Automatic weapons systems are down.
- [Nathan] Wang, get up here.!
I can't! 
I'm going to the manual turret in the cargo bay.
[Nathan] Come on.! 
Hurry up, Paul. 
Get up here.!
- Let's go, Chiggie man. [Yells] - [Gunfire]
- [Explosion] - [Grunts]
West, open the cargo air lock door.
[Explosion]
It's controlled by the cargo auxiliary power. 
It won't open.
Take 'em home.
[Nathan] What do you mean?
Paul, there's no time.
Get up here.
Wang! 
Wang, no!
Damn it, Wang!
- Hoorah! 
[Yells] - [Gunfire]
[Wang Yells, Gunfire Over Radio]
[Radio Noise Stops]
[Impacts]
We're there.
Lieutenants Winslow, Shankowicz, Hooliac, Nelson... this is for you!
[Engines Roar]
[Yells]
[Indistinct, Yelling]
[Man] Inbound shuttle, you are clear for Pad 6.
[Shuttle Hits Pad]
[Engines Slow]
Now that it's over, I'm scared.
[McQueen] Vansen, Wang, and Damphousse?
- L- 
- No.
It should not have been you.
It shouldn't be me.
But it is.
At least you'll be going home.
West.
[Door Opens]
A shower and a meal, and I'm gone.
You've gotta get back to Earth.
The war here's gonna get pretty hairy.
[Woman On P.A.] All colonists, please board.
All flight crews, disperse from the loading bay.
[Recording Of Woman] I believe in you.
I believe in all of you.
[Woman On P.A.] Stand by for shuttle departure.
Stand by for shuttle departure.
[Woman] We're ready, Lieutenant.
[Engines Whir]
[Door Bangs Shut]
[Bed Creaks]
[Door Opens]
Man, I thought...
you were Wang.
[Sighs]
What are you doin'?
Now I know how she felt her whole life.
"I lost my mother and father on the same day. "
Semper fi.
Always faithful, my friend.
[Man] Watch your hands. 
Watch your hands.

Hey. 
Give me a D-16-A.
Saratoga control, this is ISSCV- 4656 inbound. 
Requesting landing coordinates. 
Track number 4656 is bearing 180.
Twenty- five seconds from landing- on final approach. 
It's late.
Capra,  this is Saratoga. 
I am holding a green deck for recovery on Loading Bay 4.
Pony onboard. 
Loading Bay 4.
Loading Bay 4.|
- Mail call!
-
We thought we were alone. 
We believed the universe was ours. 
Until one night in 2063,  on an Earth colony 16 light- years away...  they struck. 
And now we are at war. 
My name is Lieutenant Colonel T. C. McQueen. 
I'm an InVitro, a race of artificially gestated humans. 
I command a Marine Corps squadron- the 58th. 
They call us the Wild Cards. 
We fight when called- in space, on land and at sea. 
To lose this war means more than defeat. 
To surrender is to never go home. 
All of us must rise to the call above and beyond. 
West, Nathan.
Let's go. !
My parents.
Ten, 11, 12.
- Wang, Paul.
- Right here.
What's the big hooh-hah?
It's only mail.
You'll find out soon enough.
Mail call's the only thing we have to look forward to.
Come on. 
Here you go. 
What are you waitin' here for, Hawkes- letter from Ma and Pa sayin' how proud they are?
Mail call's no place for Tanks.
In 15 years, all I ever got were divorce papers...  and a letter of congratulations for being a finalist... in the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes.
Hawkes, Cooper.
Come on. 
Let's go.
Hawkes, Cooper.
Here!
McQueen, T. C. Sir!
-  - 
Sod from Wrigley Field!
Grenadin of beef in a béarnaise sauce.
I'd say left center, near the vines.
My fiancée owns a restaurant.
He always wafts the pages over a plate before mailing them.
Ed's mom will come and stay with us when she's born.
That's right.
It's a she.
I have to carry on that Vansen double "X" chromosome.
I've decided I- 
- We've decided to name her... 
- Anything but Marian.
- Marian. 
- Oh!
- It was inspired by you. 
- Inspired? 
You ripped me off.
We're naming her after Mom. 
You're doing what you need to for her memory...  and, uh, I'll do what I can.
You little-|
You know that's what I wanted to name my baby since I was 12.
I never even owned a TV.
Let alone be the star of a show?
Look at this. 
~~
- ~~ 
- If you are here to gripe, take it on out.
The high high- ups want it. 
Ever since an InVitro assassinated Secretary General Chartwell... there has been considerable unrest back home.
A documentary featuring InVitros in the war... broadcast over the Armed Forces Network to a billion viewers...  will do its part to help settle things down.
I do my part by everyday actions.
I don't need a camera to give them validity.
I know you are a private man, Ty.
But you know as well as I do... that wars are not just won or lost on the battlefield.
Morale at home is as important as a hundred Saratogas.
A project such as this one is the most powerful way... to let the folks back home see those... everyday actions.
Just think of it as going into battle, and you'll be fine.
I'd rather face an entire Chig division than one digital camera.
~~
West! 
What's your problem?
Sorry, sir. 
My-My parents weren't notified about my brother's death.
- Is there anything you can do?
- You're asking me to write them?
No. 
Um
- I mean-
I don't know.
I'm sorry.
Nathan. 
The Corps usually notifies next of kin with a personal visit home.
I'm sure they've been notified.
I can't be sure.
I mean, it's not in the letter.
They have no idea they've lost a son.
Parents of marines have lost their sons for 300 years, Nathan.
The Corps has experience letting them know.
But if there's anything I can do to help you,  I wanna know. 
You all right?
Mission briefing in 10 mikes.
In preparation for the massive offensive, Operation Roundhammer... the directive of this mission is to disrupt the Chigs' supply line.
The planet Memnon is rich in merconzium 5... an ore the Chigs mine for use in their weapons system.
What they mine, they store- along with other supplies and matériel- in deep underground bunkers.
Because of the depth, it's considered questionable... that a bombing mission would have maximum results.
However, there exists a fortuitous window of opportunity...  to deploy a small ground force.
Now, I've been gettin'an earful ofbitchin'and moaning'...  about pilots being deployed as ground pounders.
Hear this, C. F. B.
This is not the air force.
This is the Corps... air-ground combat element... of the 51 st MEU- every marine a rifleman.
Therefore,  you will fight on command- where needed, how needed.
- Do I make myself clear?
- Yes, sir!
You'll buddy up and strategically place explosives... into the ventilation shafts leading into these underground bunkers.
They will be detonated once you're airlifted out.
This is a quickie, people- surgical and precise.
Wheels up at 0750.
So, G. I. Geequed gonna be on TV.
Lieutenant Hollywood, you pair up with Hill. 
Take the northern point. 
Wang, 'Phousse, you take the central point.
West and I will take the southern point.
Lieutenant Vansen, I'd feel more comfortable with a partner other than Hawkes. 
- What's your bitch, Hill?
- Yeah, Hill. 
If you're with Hawkes... you can pop off Chigs no problem when they come up for his autograph.
You're with Hawkes.
Deal with it.
We'regonnabe positioned half a klick apart. 
Keep in radio contact. 
I can't believe, out of a quarter of a million marines...
I get buddied up with a nipple-neck.
If we weren't in Chig territory...
I'd be stuffing you down this hole.
Now shut your mouth and look alive.
God!
|
Wow. 
Damn. 
I just...
stepped in I don't know what.
Hooh! 
That stinks.
Don't wipe it off.
Regulations say any contact with an unknown foreign substance...  must be checked by the biotechies aboard ship.
Right. 
I hope I don't have to sit in quarantine again. 
-  
- Incoming!
'Phousse.
Vanessa.
Vanessa?
Oh, no.
I
- I can't see.
- I can't see.
- How many?
- How many? 
How many what?
- Okay. 
Hold on. 
Hold on.
I'll get you out of here as soon as possible.
- Queen of Diamonds, this is Joker.
-
Queen of Diamonds, this is Joker.
- All right. 
Radio's down.
-
All right, easy. 
Easy, Vanessa.
I'm right here.
I'm right here.
One second.
Okay. 
Hold tight.
Okay. 
Okay.|
They sound close.
Okay.
I wasn't finished.
- I wanted to make it last.
- All right.
Wang, read it for me.
- When we get back.
- We might not get back!
I need to hear him now.
- Wang, please.
- Okay, okay.
Page eight.
Page eight.
Uh, "I finally hired a dessert chef.
"You'll never guess who- Marilyn, your old college roommate.
- Marilyn?
- "We had a booth at the Taste of Rochester, and- and her banana pudding cream pie was a big hit. "
Uh- 
- And he says business is up.
- No, Paul. 
I need to hear his words.
Damphousse, this is not the time or the place to be getting in- 
- Read it to me!
- 
"Aft-After Marilyn started working for me, we became good friends.
"We have so much in common, just like you and me.
"I never have to explain myself as I do now.
"There's no easy way to express what I have to say, Vanessa.
"So many things have changed.
It's been a year...
"and no end to the war appears to be in sight.
I can no longer wait. "
I'm
- I'm so sorry, Vanessa.
Vansen and West are half a klick from here...  and we need to get you some medical attention.
If you go along and it gets hairy, I'm scared.
- You can't see, 'Phousse. 
You'll be- 
- Go!
Go!
- Get off! 
No!
- It's just me! 
It's Paul!
Your letter's scattered everywhere.
Come on.
Let's get outta here.
We gotta get to the extraction site.
They're comin' to pick us up.
ISSCV- 3873 landing. 
Starboard Pad 5. 
Roger. 
- Corpsman!
- Keep moving, people.
Hittin' the ledge.
Okay, one more step.
-  Please, people. 
- Okay. 
On the ground, 'Phousse.
-  Lieutenant Wang?
- Yeah.
- Your boots, sir.
- I'm gonna take her to sick bay first, but then I'll
- Hey.
- 'Phousse, I'll be right there.
- Lieutenant Hawkes.
Move in close.
You'vejust come back from a combat mission. 
Act tired.
Act exhausted.
- I am tired. 
I am exhausted.
- Then act that way.
So, when am I getting these back?
When we're done.
All right, cut!
Lieutenant Hawkes.
Where do you normally go after this?
We usually hit the showers.
Moving on.
Shower room.
- What?
- Don't worry. 
We'll black out the naughty bits, hon.
Hear this loud and clear, hon. 
Any camera makes its way into the shower... the only thing that's gonna be blacked out is your head.
After that, we usually kick back in the rec room.
Moving on. 
Rec room.
Mm-hmm.
How is she?
Fragments of her night goggles were in her corneas.
Doc says he thinks he got 'em all, but...  he'll know more tomorrow. 
She'll be all right. 
It's 2064. 
Doctors can cure just about anything... but they still can't put together a broken heart.
We've decided to name her...
Marian.
... Marian.
... Marian.
... Marian. 
... Marian. 
Uh, this, uh, is the rec room... where we Wild Cards relax.
Hey, Preston.
So you definitely feel just like any other member of the squad?
- Uh, heck, yeah.
- No prejudice?
Racism?
Nope. 
Uh, just, uh, one big happy family here.
Interesting you should say that.
Because you have no other family.
How do you feel when your fellow squad members receive mail and you don't?
Do you feel any less loyal to the Earth's forces...  knowing that you have nobody at home to fight for?
No. 
No, no.
Not really.
All right. 
Introduce us to one of your family.
Okay.
First Lieutenant Paul Wang. 
Hey.
Um, we went through the accelerated flight program together. 
Tell us what you're doing now, Lieutenant.
I-I'm filling out a requisition form... in triplicate, for a new pair of boots.
They took mine, and they gave me a pair two sizes too small.
Uh
- Oh, this is by buddy Nathan.
Right over- Right here.
This is, uh, First Lieutenant Nathan West.
We have flown many a dangerous sortie together- fightin' Chigs side-by-side, me and this guy.
They sent a notification letter- The wrong Neil West.
It's N-E-I-L, not... 
N-E-A-L.
How about reading news from home?
Uh, news. 
Uh, home.
That-That-
Who cares about some dumb Tank?
Close in.
What did he say?
Uh, before the war, he worked in a bank.
News. 
Hey.
Philadelphia
- That means the City of Brotherly Love.
Colonel! 
Cut.
Colonel. 
Come on over.
We should get the two of you together.
InVitros to the core, then and now.
I'm only doing this because I'm under orders.
Fine, fine, fine. 
We'll just have some fun with it then, huh?
We'll start with the usual info- your name, age, where you're from.
Gene Pool 18-C, Batch Kappa-9757.
Anchorage Facility, wasn't it?
Right. 
Well, we'll get all that in a voice-over.
Colonel McQueen, why don't we start with you telling us...  any positive experiences you've had in the military.
Well, I'm a lifer. 
That should tell you it's positive enough.
Lifer? 
Yeah.
No, that's good stuff.
Um, Lieutenant Hawkes says he feels like the 58th is his family.
Is that how you felt when you first joined the Corps?
Why don't you begin with your experiences in the A. I. War?
In, uh... '47, during the A. I. Rebellion... natural- born losses were greater than anticipated...  so InVitros were sent in to fight the silicates. 
I was shipped to Port Riskin...  the largest ammunition depot in the United States. 
All of the munitions handlers were InVitros. 
We were worked around the clock- 24 hours a day in three shifts- stacking live explosives in bunkers. 
Natural- borns never went in those bunkers. 
One night, faulty wiring caused sparks inside. 
I tried to go back in, but the sergeant locked the door. 
Said it was too dangerous. 
- Let us out. !
- Please. ! 
Please. !
- Open the door. ! 
Open the door. !
- Let us out. !
Twenty-seven InVitros...
died at Port Riskin.
The official statement on the incident was, uh... faulty wiring and a jammed bunker door.
The natural-born sergeant was never disciplined for his actions.
I was brought up on charges for striking my squad leader.
It started out as a court- martial trial...  which for InVitros back then, if convicted, meant death by lethal injection.
But the Old Man must have had a spark of conscience.
'Cause I only ended up with 120 days in solitary.
They say InVitros-
Tanks- are disloyal... lazy... and, uh, unable to dream.
The soldiers who were lost in that bunker... gave their lives loyally for this country.
As for dreaming...
I hear the cries of those soldiers-
I see their faces- screaming for help... begging for their lives... every night in my sleep.
But, uh...
I wouldn't call it dreams.
Cut. 
Did you get all that?
Cooper, why don't we move on to the V. R. game?
I understand you're quite a whiz at this thing, Lieutenant.
Who cares if a few Tanks got torched?
Hawkes!
I feel so stupid!
You got in some pretty good licks there.
Nobody ever paid any attention to me like that.
I thought this TV stuff was gonna change all that. 
I thought I'd be somebody.
Cooper, you- You are somebody... for what you do every day.
We're all set, Cooper. 
Okay,Vanessa.
Youreyes will be sensitive to the light...  so open them slowly. 
Good. 
That's good. 
It'll take a while for them to adjust, okay?
- Okay.
- All right.
Well, looks to me like we got all the glass.
- But it's all blurry.
- And, yes, it will be for a while. 
Okay?
Now, put these drops in once every six hours... and stay away from bright lights for a few days.
And put on these B. C. G. 's.
- B. C. G. 's?
- Mm- hmm. 
Birth control glasses. 
They're so ugly, no one will hit on you when you wear them.
- Great.
- That's all they sell at the P. X.
-  
- I gotcha.
Shegotalittleupset, you know, but- but- but it was a minor bump,  you know?
So, uh, the next thing that happened...  was she asked me if I wanted her phone number. 
And I said, uh-
Well, I said, "Guys don't- Guys don't do that anymore. "
You know,  I know that was wrong...  and it also wasn't a very good excuse to use...  especially with a real sensitive girl who'd been hospitalized as many times- -  
- I'm number 154?
I can't wait that long.
My call's a personal emergency.
Personal? 
Really?
- Anyone else got a personal emergency?
- Yeah.
My sister's baby is due any day.
The disk she sent me is three months late.
She could've had the kid by now.
My advice
- Send a teddy bear and a fruit basket, then get at the end of the line.
By the time you get to use the phone, the kid'll have pimples and be wearing dumb clothes.
How much for your spot, Ensign...
Boasberg?
- Ain't cheap.
- Name it.
- Anything?
- Anything.
Strawberries.
A bowl of strawberries in heavy cream.
- Rich, thick, heavy cream.
- You want fruit?
I don't know what kind of groceries the Wild Cards chow down on... but they serve us navy personnel freeze-dried, preserved, dehydrated... powdered mystery meat with the shelf life of a light-year.
So, yeah, I want fruit.
Strawberries? 
He might as well be asking for diamonds.
Look at this! 
Even clowns have better-fitting shoes.
Talk to Mank.
He can get you anything.
Mank? 
That guy is a greasy weasel.
Yeah, but he came through with Chicago deep-dish pizza when I was craving'.
Really?
No. 
This is a legitimate family emergency.
My parents were marines.
I grew up on bases.
The only way to do this is to go through the proper military channels.
As you've discovered, the death notice was sent... to the family of the wrong Neil West.
The other family has been notified of this regrettable error.
Now, the Corps will send this letter to your family.
"... regret to inform you"-
"Sorry for your loss. "
"Keep up hope. "
Sir, this is a form letter.
It's what should have been sent in the first place.
Sir, my brother's not just some... number in a book... or a statistic for the nightly news.
He fought, defended and died for the cause he believed in.
I am sorry for your loss, Lieutenant.
I truly am.
Your brother was a good marine.
But this is proper Corps procedure.
Proper Corps procedure isn't good enough for my brother, sir.
Military channels suck.
Regs state that a pictaphone can only be used in an emergency of a military nature. 
In other words, tough luck.
- Vansen.
- Sir.
I got something for you here from Corps command.
Yes! 
I knew military channels would get me to the head of the line.
What the hell is this?
This says I'm promoted to captain.
- Are you kidding me?
- Way to go, Vansen.
Congratulations, Vansen.
I don't wanna be promoted to captain.
I wanna use the phone.
Congratulations, Vansen.
You'll make a fine captain.
- Thanks, Mank.
- Too bad though.
Not even being a captain can get you to use the phone in this century.
Mank. 
You disgusting piece of black market spooge.
What do I gotta do?
I made it happen.
Now I don't know.
I'm next in line.
- Nicole. "Nicole" is pretty.
- 
- Amy. 
Amy is a nice name.
-  Your call is being forwarded-
Hey. 
How about "Rachel"?
Hello. 
Shane!
I-I can't believe it.
- Ann's in labor. 
It's happening.
- Ed.
- Hang on. 
- Ed, what the hell's goin' on?
- Ann, look, it's Shane.
- Oh! 
Oh, Shane.
- I can't believe it. 
What timing. 
- Yeah, what.
Ann, I need you to push as hard as you can.
-  Cleansing breaths. 
- 
Okay, rest. 
Shane, I was so worried when you didn't respond.
Are you okay?
|
- Uh, yeah. 
Well, today I was promoted- -  
- Now a big push. 
Push down toward me.
- 
- Okay. 
One more big push.
- -  - 
-  - 
Dear Ann, by the time you receive this... the baby will probably be walking.
I hesitate to call her Marian because I'm surprised you're using that name... since you've always known I was gonna use Marian when I had a child.
You're married, with a new baby... and I'm wading in mud fighting seven-foot bugs on other planets.
Did I make the right decision?
I mean, shouldn't I be starting a family of my own?
Last month, the 58th went on a recon mission that was supposed to be routine.
As I was parachuting down...
I could see the rest of the squad backed up against a mountain.
I had to make a decision in three seconds- the time it takes to drop a final 100 feet.
I leveled my gun and fired down at the advancing enemy.
I lost count of how many I killed.
For my actions, I was awarded the Bronze Star.
During the ceremony,  all I could think of was Mom. 
When I was eight, my soccer team lost the championship...  because I let my man get by me. 
And all the ice cream in San Diego couldn't make me stop crying. 
Then Mom came into my room and gave me a medal. 
She said it was for trying extra hard and playing my best. 
Shejust tied a red ribbon around a piece of chocolate wrapped in gold tinfoil...  but it was better than the Bronze Star I was receiving. 
- To me, that's what family is. 
- 
And I don't wanna miss that. 
As I watched your baby being born... 
I realized that my decision tojoin the Corps was the right one- and that yours to name the baby Marian was also.
This is where I belong.
However, things are... different.
Before, I was fighting to avenge the death of Marian Vansen.
But now I'm fighting to defend the life... of Marian Vansen Bowman.
Give her a kiss for me.
Love, Captain Shane Vansen.
I thought he wanted them. 
I think he ate one. 
No. 
I just counted 'em. 
All there. 
Boasberg, you gonna eat 'em or just stare 'em into your gut?
I finally got the nerve to propose to my girlfriend... and I coughed up my place in line for a bunch of strawberries.
Strawberries or marriage?
Marriage or strawberries?
I chose strawberries.
Now I feel guilty 'cause I took the strawberries over her.
If I was you...
I'd be relieved I went with the strawberries.
Commander on deck. !
At ease.
I am not here as your commodore,  but as a comrade- in- arms- bereft of family, friends and most of the comforts of home.
I am missing one bowl of fresh strawberries... in thick, heavy cream. 
Gentlemen, if you know the whereabouts of the stolen fruit...  you may place it outside my cabin door within an hour.
No questions asked.
Lf, after one hour... the strawberries are not returned...
I will resume being your commodore.
A shipboard search will be conducted. 
The guilty parties will be found... bound, quartered and cast overboard.
Carry on.
Good move, swabbie.
With one swallow, you just saved your butt twice.
Lieutenant Wang.
- Your boots.
- Thank God.
- They look great. 
What was on 'em anyhow?
- Chig dung.
Sir, you stepped in an enemy latrine.
Oh, man!
And they still stink.
You know, they are softer.
~~~~
Attention to orders. 
"To all who shall see these presents, greeting.
"Know ye, that reposing special trust and confidence...
"in the fidelity and abilities of Shane Vansen...
"I do appoint her a captain in the United States Marine Corps... to rank as such from the 16th of April, 2064. "
Ready, hut!
Congratulations, Vansen.
You deserve it.
Promise you'll do the same for me someday?
Ready, hut!
First Lieutenant Cooper Hawkes is an InVitro... that's just another one of the guys.
Hawkes's commanding officer is fellow InVitro... 
Colonel T. C. McQueen,  Gene Pool "13
- C, '"
Batch Kappa- 9757, Anchorage Facility. 
Yes, sir!
Colonel McQueen and Lieutenant Hawkes...  have come to have a father- son relationship...  a closeness that is extended to the rest of the 58th. 
It's a bond that the Marine Corps has encouraged...  as they send these brave men and women into battle. 
Because while prejudice may exist elsewhere...  it never has in the Marine Corps...  where InVitros have always been treated equally and fairly. 
The fact that their commanding officer- -  
- Time to pay up, Captain.
... soldier's larger goal to loyally defend the Earth...  and all its people...  no matter their race,  creed, color or origin ofbirth. 
Soft, fluffy paper.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'll never forget the first time I saw my brother.
Mom said she had a dream she was gonna have a daughter  that I was gonna have a new baby sister. 
-
But that day, you told me the stork fooled us. 
You even formally introduced us. 
Nathan, this is your brother, Neil.
Twenty years later,  I can remember thinking... 
"His hands are so small. '"
I can return to that moment in the time it takes to close my eyes.
And in that instant, no time has passed.
Not a minute of my life or Neil's has gone by. 
On April 9, at 1800,  on the Planet Mors...  your son-my brother- was killed in action. 
Neil was courageously defending his position and died valiantly. 
But now, I can never throw him another football...  or share an insidejoke. 
Today, I'd easily give my own life just to be able to argue with him. 
- 
- And yet...  it doesn't mean I'm unable to let him know how much he meant to me... how much I love him.
Because to tell you,  Mom and Dad, is to tell Neil. 
I can't express how much I miss him...  how much I miss you both and John. 
Keep him safe. 
And if one day you should receive a yellow envelope from the marines...  don't bother to open it. 
Reread this letter and know how much your sons loved one another and you...  and that we are once again together.
With all my love, your son...
Lieutenant Nathan West.
Watch your hands. 
Watch your hands. 

Paris to the Captain.
Janeway here.
I've done an analysis of our route through Botha space whenever you have a minute to check it out.
I'm on my way to Engineering.
I'II be with you as soon as I'm done.
Aye, Captain.
Ah, Captain.
The computer told me I'd find you on Deck 1 1, Section 4B, starboard side and, sure enough, here you are.
What can I do for you, NeeIix?
I assumed you'd want to talk to me.
About?
About the Botha.
We're headed for their space, and, as I've told you, they're going to have to be handled very carefully.
I understand, and of course I want your counsel, but, right now, I'm late for a meeting.
I wouldn't put this off too long.
We're getting closer, you know.
Yes, I know.
And I will be with you as soon as I can.
Sorry I'm late.
What do you have?
I think we're about ready to make our first attempt, Captain.
If you're successful, will the Doctor be able to move freely around the entire ship?
Not exactly.
The hoIo-emitters will be set up in certain key areas-- the Bridge, Engineering.
We'II be able to transfer him to those locations.
In the same way we can now transfer him to the holodeck?
exactly.
But if he tries to move into an area where there's no emitter field, he'II demateriaIize.
I have the hoIo-projector on Iine.
We're ready to start.
Proceed.
I don't have much time.
Engineering to Sick Bay.
Doctor, we're ready here.
I'm standing by.
Okay. 
Here goes.
Initiating transfer.
Here he comes.
well, this is certainly a brilliant feat of engineering.
What happened?
I'd guess the imaging interface wasn't properly stabilized.
Just a small oversight.
No pun intended.
Very amusing.
How long will it take you to correct this small oversight?
Maybe a couple of hours.
Mr. Kim, I have to assess our navigational plan and get ready to make contact with an alien species.
I can't drop everything whenever you call.
Tuvok to Janeway.
Go ahead.
Captain, I would Iike a half an hour of your time to review the security protocols before we encounter the Botha.
Yes, Mr. Tuvok, somehow...
I will find half an hour.
Excuse me, Captain.
would you come down here, please?
Yes?
When did you last take shore leave?
About two months ago.
Ah. 
How long since you've done something pleasurable for recreation?
Doctor, I know I'm a bit testy today, but I can assure you...
How long?
It's... been a while.
I have a hoIonoveI program.
It helps me unwind.
I haven't had time to run it for a few weeks.
well, I want you to-- now.
Doctor, I'm really very busy.
I've checked StarfIeet regulations.
The Chief medical Officer outranks the Captain in health matters.
Now, I realize this may be the first time a hologram has given an order to a Captain, but I'm ordering you to report to the hoIodeck-- now.
Aye, sir.
And the two of you can get busy undoing this ridiculous blunder of yours!
Good afternoon, milord.
will the children be joining us for tea?
presently.
Lord BurIeigh... is something wrong?
Yes.
terribly wrong.
I have fallen in love with you, Lucie.
MiIord.
hello, Father.
We're ready for tea.
I want cucumber sandwiches.
You'II wait your turn, young man.
What may I serve you, milord?
Nothing. 
Thank you.
I see.
I want my tea in this cup, please, and I don't want a cucumber sandwich.
I don't like the way Cook cuts them.
MiIord, you'II be very pleased with the children's progress in their studies this week.
Henry shows a real talent for mathematics, and Beatrice turns out to be quite musical.
Beatrice?
musical?
I don't know what she means.
She's very modest about it.
I've heard her several times in the music room, playing a lovely Mozart sonata, but whenever I ask her to play it for me, she won't.
I think her talent should be encouraged.
would you consider lessons?
I didn't know Beatrice could play the piano.
I'm sorry.
It's just a cup.
Don't be a goose.
It's the flower cup-- Mother's cup.
It doesn't matter!
Mrs. TempIeton!
please take the children to the nursery.
Yes, milord.
Come.
please stay here, Mrs. Davenport.
Beatrice is upset.
I should be with her.
I want you here.
What's happening in this house?
How can you not know that Beatrice plays the piano?
Why shouldn't I go to the fourth floor?
What's up there?
Those are questions you must not ask.
But I am asking them.
I'm worried about the children.
Beatrice fantasizes that her mother is still alive.
Don't pursue this, I beg you.
Bridge to the Captain.
Freeze program.
Janeway here.
We've been hailed by a representative of the Bothan government.
They'd Iike to talk to you.
I'II be right there.
Sorry, milord.
Duty calls.
Captain, I knew we should have talked this morning.
tell me what you know, NeeIix.
I've been in subspace contact with some old friends of mine-- uh, nomads, collectors, much as I used to be.
They're in a position to gather information during their travels.
What they've told me doesn't sound good.
In what way?
There are lots of rumors about ships entering Bothan space, never to be heard from again.
My sources on Mithren say that they have lost a number of vessels.
They say the Botha protect their territory fiercely.
But we aren't aggressors.
I don't think they are either.
They just don't want anyone crossing their borders.
will they negotiate?
will they respond to diplomacy?
It's hard to say.
There's some belief that they don't even have a legitimate claim to the space-- that they're nothing more than pernicious, odious vandals, in which case, diplomacy would fall on deaf ears.
We're being hailed again, Captain.
On screen.
I'm Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager.
Why have you entered our space without permission?
We didn't realize this was your space.
On what basis do you claim it?
I have no intention of explaining myself to you.
The fact is, you're violating our territory.
I assure you, we mean no disrespect.
We are from another part of the galaxy.
We're just trying to make our way home.
We'II send a ship to rendezvous with you.
If you meet the criteria, we'II consider your request.
Thank you.
What are the criteria?
We'II discuss that when we meet.
friendly fellow.
At least they're willing to talk.
I wonder why he wouldn't let us see his face.
I suspect it was a calculated move-- an attempt to intimidate us.
Commander, you have the Bridge.
Aye, Captain.
Mr. NeeIix, join me in my ready room.
We should talk about this meeting.
Captain, if I may...
When was the Iast time you ate?
Ate?
Oh, I had some soup last night.
Then let me suggest that we conduct our talk in the Mess hall.
We're serving a sumptuous repast for lunch.
Right.
Lunch it is.
Captain, you have a nasty habit of skipping meals, and that can do horrible things to your electrolyte levels.
I know, but sometimes I just get too busy to eat.
AII you have to do is give me a call.
I'II be there in a trice with a tray of foods so delectable you won't be able to resist.
I do think I've outdone myself this time.
An exquisite pâté made from SeItin wood fungus.
Brine-soaked neccel strips.
Ooh.
DeviIed wood throk.
Where did these come from?
Lieutenant Hargrove asked for them.
Is something wrong?
No. 
Just a funny coincidence.
Something I saw on the holodeck.
Thank you, NeeIix.
This all looks delicious.
And it's bound to boost my electrolyte levels.
Where did you get that cup?
Why, I'm not sure.
I think I found several of them in storage.
unusual, isn't it?
Captain, is everything all right?
It's perfectly all right, NeeIix.
I just have to remind myself that coincidences do happen.
I can't help myself.
I've fallen in love with yo.
My mother is alive and my father loves her, not you.
In the course of your experiments with the Doctor, have you accessed any of the holodeck programs?
No, we're bypassing the holodecks.
Where did you get this hoIo-projector?
We found several of them in storage.
We've been reconfiguring them one by one.
So you haven't worked directly with any of the projectors on the holodecks?
No.
Is there anything you've done-- anything you can think of-- that might have caused holographic objects and characters to appear outside the holodeck?
Not that I'm aware of.
I was sure your experiments would explain it.
Captain, there has to be a reason why you've had these delusions.
And we're going to figure out what it is.
The Doctor pointed out that I've been under some stress.
I can't ignore that.
I think we should check out the imaging systems on the holodeck.
There might be a simple malfunction.
Good idea.
We can run the diagnostic from here in Engineering, but you should activate the program first.
I'II contact you from the holodeck.
Janeway to Engineering.
Torres here.
Have you set up the diagnostic?
We're ready, Captain.
Go ahead.
Lucie!
Thank God you've come back.
Why are you dressed so strangely?
It's... a costume.
You'd look lovely in anything.
I've thought of you constantly.
Remembered your touch... your perfume... your lips.
Computer, delete character.
Torres to Janeway.
We're finished, Captain, but we didn't find any malfunctions.
RecaIibrate and try it again.
I'm going to check something else.
Aye, Captain.
Captain!
I'm delighted to see you.
Do you want a snack?
No, I'm fine.
But I wanted to ask you about lunch.
Didn't you Iike it?
It was delicious.
I was just trying to remember all the dishes you made.
There was... the SeItin pâté.
delectable.
The neccel strips.
Exquisite.
The deviIed throk.
sublime.
And the cucumber sandwiches.
Cucumber sandwiches?
Weren't there... cucumber sandwiches?
I don't even know what that is.
The other item on the menu was a fried mrt cake.
You ate one.
And the cup you served my tea in...?
One of these.
The ones I found in storage.
I thought... it had flowers on it.
flowers?
well, no, I don't see any flowers.
Maybe there was another cup, but I-I don't think so.
would you Iike a cup with flowers on it?
I'm sure I couId replicate one.
It's all right, NeeIix.
You've told me what I need to know.
I don't detect anything so far.
No evidence of aneurysm... subduraI hematoma... stroke.
could it be... stress?
possibly.
Did you go to the holodeck, as I ordered?
Yes.
And was that relaxing?
It was interesting.
I'm not sure how relaxing it was.
There are other possibilities we should consider.
I want to scan for airborne bacteria and viruses.
We should investigate the possibility of an alien intruder.
And I'd Iike to do a cerebro-corticaI scan on you.
Oh!
Kes?
I... 
I don't know.
Strange.
suddenly, I felt cold, shivery.
Someone was walking on your grave.
Hmm?
Just an old saying on Earth.
A way of describing an odd feeling like that.
Hmm. 
How macabre.
It's a human expression, Doctor.
I'd think you'd have heard it.
My programmers didn't clutter me up with pithy Earth trivia.
They programmed me with far more important data.
Kes, would you please get my sub-neuraI scanner from the med lab?
Yes, Doctor.
What about my mother's grave?
There's no one inside.
The coffin is empty.
Doctor. 
Doctor.
Who do you see here?
I see you.
And I see you... but I also see a little girl from my hoIodeck program.
What happened?
I'm not sure.
The image of the little girl suddenly rushed at me.
I saw it, too.
When I came in...
I felt as though something hit me-- bounced off me-- then I saw the little girl moving right into you.
As though you became a mirror.
You reflected her back toward me.
I've been doing some mental exercises with Tuvok developing my telepathic abilities, but we haven't done anything like this.
Captain, until I am able to determine the cause of these hallucinations,
I'd prefer that you return to your quarters.
Get some rest.
vegetable bouillon.
No, cancel that.
Coffee ice cream.
hello?
Is anyone there?
Computer... is there anyone in these quarters except me?
Negative.
Kath, are yo there?
Who's that?
Come look at the pppies.
Mark... I've missed yo so mch, Kath.
When are yo coming back?
I don't think yo've missed me.
Someone else is in yor thoghts now.
Isn't that tre?
Isn't there someone yo're thinking of?
.
Computer, open the door.
Everything was fine until you came here.
I took care of him.
He trusted me, but when you arrived, all that changed.
Janeway to Security.
Intruder alert.
You've done nothing but cause trouble.
We don't want more trouble in our lives!
Security to the Captain's quarters!
Tuvok, please respond!
Captain!
Can you still see the hallucination?
Yes. 
The woman with the knife is receding into the Captain just like before.
Captain, listen to me!
You are in Sick Bay.
You are all right.
Captain!
I think NeeIix can help you.
No one knows much about the Botha, but he has some information.
I know he's been doing research.
I'II check with him.
You'II probably want him on the Bridge with you when their ship arrives.
Good idea.
I'm not sure how Torres and Kim are coming.
You know they're trying to find a way to transfer the Doctor out of Sick Bay.
Yes.
It's not a priority, but you might want to stay on top of it.
Of course.
Let's see.
There was a problem with one of the deflector shields.
You'II want to follow up on that.
And stellar Cartography was hoping for a review of their latest report.
I think Tuvok wanted to discuss something about weapons storage...
Captain.
You've trained your crew well.
We'II be able to do without you for a few days.
In the meantime, we're continuing diagnostics on all ship's systems.
There's a reason for what's happening to you and we're not stopping until we find it.
Thank you, Commander.
My patient has to rest now.
I'm sure you'II want to get to the Bridge.
call me if there's anything I can do.
Just be sure to report to me after you meet with the Botha.
Yes, ma'am.
Captain, if you'II take a seat on one of the beds,
I'd Iike to do some further tests.
Kes, please prepare the Captain for a cerebro-corticaI scan.
certainly.
Captain, I saw your hallucination again.
What did you see?
You were struggling with a woman.
She had a knife.
She was trying to hurt you.
-That's right.
-As I focused on you, it was just like with the little girI-- the image seemed to reflect off of me and move back into you.
Your telepathic abilities must be increasing.
I think it's more than that.
I think something strange is happening on this ship, and it's not just happening to you.
I am picking up a ship on Iong-range sensors, Commander.
It is a design we have not encountered before.
I show it on a direct intercept course.
That must be our welcoming party.
They're in a hurry, too.
closing fast.
They are hailing, Commander.
On screen.
Where is your Captain?
She's not available right now.
I'm Commander Chakotay, the First Officer.
I can speak for her.
We observe rather strict protocols.
I'd prefer to negotiate with the Captain.
I understand, but she's not able to come to the Bridge now, and in her absence, our protocols allow me to assume her place.
Our request is the same.
We'd Iike permission to cross through your space.
We'II do it as quickly as possible.
What kind of weapon systems do you possess?
I'm not sure why that information is necessary.
How do I know you aren't a heavily armed invader, here to attack our settlements?
I don't know how to convince you, but we're a peaceful people.
If you doubt us...
What happened?
I terminated the transmission, Commander, and made it look like an accidental interruption.
I am concerned about some anomalous sensor readings.
I'm getting them, too.
residual energy displacements.
Two discrete readings-- one off the port bow, one off starboard.
We have to consider the possibility of cloaked ships.
Reverse course, Mr. Paris.
Aye, sir.
Two ships de-cIoaking.
The Bothan ship is powering up weapons.
Evasive maneuver gamma five.
Report.
shields at 87 percent.
Minor damage on Decks 4 and 12.
They're turning back for another strike.
Initiating evasive pattern beta two.
Get the weapons on Iine.
Powering up lateral phaser arrays.
shields down to 83 percent.
Return fire.
A direct hit.
However, their shields were not penetrated.
I can't stay here.
Captain, I can't allow you to leave Sick Bay.
-You're in no condition...
-Sorry, Doctor.
If we're in trouble, my place is on the Bridge.
There's something weird going on, Commander.
I'm not reading any life signs on the two ships that just de-cIoaked.
There's no crew?
It looks like the ships are automated.
They're being controlled by the Bothan ship.
Return fire, Tuvok.
We have hit their weapons array, but not severely enough to disable it.
Commander, the three ships are maneuvering to surround us.
Get us out of here, Paris.
I'm trying.
The ships are powering their weapons.
Preparing to fire.
That last volley took our shields down to 21 percent.
We've got damage on all decks.
Reports of injuries.
AII stop.
The lead ship is hailing us, Commander.
On screen.
Your ship is damaged and your Captain incapacitated.
I will accept your immediate surrender.
You're not getting one.
The Captain is fine.
I don't think so.
I think the battle is over now.
Mark.
Don't you recognize the man you love?
Mr. Paris, who do you see on the viewscreen?
It's... my father.
I hope you've been behaving yourself.
I see my girlfriend, Libby.
Mr. Kim, shut down visual.
I'm trying, Captain.
It won't terminate.
Mr. Tuvok, do a multiphasic scan on those ships.
I want any evidence of defensive weakness and prepare the forward photon torpedoes for launch.
Tuvok?
I do not understand how this can be.
Don't try to understand, Tuvok.
Just accept it.
We're together again.
No.
You are not my wife.
Of course I am.
I'm T'PeI.
And there, right in front of you, is your lute, the one you used to play for me.
And look... 
look around you.
You're back home on VuIcan.
Tuvok?
Tuvok, answer me.
Tuvok!
Captain, I'II do it.
Running a multiphasic scan.
Torres to the Captain.
Janeway here.
We're having problems down here.
people are becoming delusional.
It's happening here, too.
I think I know why.
There's a massive energy field coming from those ships.
It's bioelectric, modulating on a deIta-wave frequency.
It has psionic properties, and it's permeating the hull.
A psionic field has a psychoactive effect.
That would explain the hallucinations.
You can try remoduIating the shields, but, in the meantime,
I'm going to set up a resonance burst from the warp core.
That'II probably block the field, but it'II take a while to set up.
Notify the Doctor.
If the field is bioeIectric, he might have some ideas how to neutralize it.
Commander, give Lieutenant Torres a hand in Engineering.
Mr. NeeIix, if the crew ever needed a morale officer, now is the time.
See if you can help.
Aye, Captain.
Kath, do you always have to be the Captain?
Can't you relax for a minute?
I want to talk to you.
Mr. Kim, remoduIate the shields on a rotating frequency.
Janeway to Kes.
Yes, Captain?
Can you come to the Bridge?
I think we could use you.
Right away.
Paris, are you still with me?
Sure am, Captain.
I'm running the scans on those ships.
I'II work on the shields.
I suggest you don't look at the viewscreen.
It's not even tempting.
How's it going down here?
Not good.
I can't get a response from anybody.
It's like they're catatonic.
It's the same all over the ship.
On my way here, I must have seen 50 people just sitting, staring.
A few minutes ago, there was a momentary interruption in the psionic field.
Were there any indications that the alien somehow came on board?
I'II find out.
Chakotay to Janeway.
Chakotay to the Captain.
please respond.
Chakotay to anyone on the Bridge.
Kim, Paris, anybody!
We may be the Iast ones left.
What do we do?
I think we should take an escape pod.
We passed an M-CIass planet yesterday.
The pod should get us there in a week.
We can try to get help.
A week?
That might be too late.
It may be our only hope.
If we stay here, we'II end up like the others.
No. 
I have to keep trying to set up the resonance burst.
Do I have to give you an order?
I can't believe you're saying this.
You know we have to stay here and try to help the others.
I want you with me.
You aren't Chakotay.
I'm the Chakotay you want me to be.
The one who loves you.
This is what you want, isn't it?
The secret you've been keeping?
You want us to be together.
And we can be.
I have to help the others.
I want you.
I've always wanted you.
You feel the same way, too.
Yes!
Captain, I'm getting results from the scans.
No apparent defensive weaknesses.
metallurgical analysis is inconclusive.
I can't remoduIate the shields.
Try moving us out of here.
If we can get some distance between us and those ships, we might be able to block the effects.
Yes, ma'am.
This time, Iet's see if you can do it without causing an accident.
You usually manage to make a mess of everything you do.
Let me say something I've always wanted to say.
Get out of my Iife!
I'm just telling you what you already know.
When the going gets tough, you crumble.
Not anymore.
Not anymore.
You don't really believe that in your heart.
You believe you'II fall again and, of course, you will.
You can't do anything right.
You'II fall.
Why even try?
Tom?
Tom?
Janeway to Engineering.
Janeway to Torres.
Are you there?
Engineering, respond.
If anyone in Engineering can hear me, I'm on my way.
Computer, put the Bridge controls on security lockout.
Deck 1 1.
Now maybe you have time to talk to me.
You're so strong, Kath.
It's one of the things I always loved in you.
What's the matter?
You used to love it when I kissed you there.
I don't know who you are-- what you are-- but I won't let you touch me.
What about the man on the holodeck?
You didn't seem to mind him touching you, did you?
In fact, I think you liked it.
Now I ask you, Kath, is that fair to me?
I've stayed faithful to you.
I've vowed to wait for you no matter how long it takes.
ShouIdn't you do the same?
I haven't been unfaithful.
Oh, Kath...
Sick Bay to Engineering.
Lieutenant Torres, please respond.
Doctor to the Mess hall.
Mr. NeeIix, are you there?
This is the Doctor to anyone on the ship.
If you can hear me, please reply.
Either the communications system is malfunctioning or everyone on board has succumbed to a delusional state.
Except you and me.
It would appear that, if the psionic field is to be blocked and the crew restored to normal, it's up to us.
You will have to go to Engineering and complete Lieutenant Torres' efforts to create a resonance burst.
I don't know how to do that.
I will assist you from here.
Do you know how to do it?
I... discussed the matter with Lieutenant Torres.
I think I understand the basic principle behind her plan.
How hard can it be?
AII right.
Go to Engineering immediately.
I'II contact you there.
Tom, what happened?
A plasma leak.
Caught me in the face.
help me.
Can you get to Sick Bay?
The Doctor is there.
Come with me.
I can't, I have to get to Engineering.
You can't leave me like this.
It hurts!
Tom, you can walk.
You have to get to Sick Bay on your own.
Kes, please.
I can't.
You don't want me to get to Engineering.
No.
I'm... 
I'm hallucinating.
Kes... wait!
Come back!
Don't leave me!
Come back!
finally.
What took you so long?
Doctor, we have to set up this resonance burst as quickly as possible.
I've started hallucinating.
Then see if Lieutenant Torres' last program is active.
I think I have it.
B'EIanna was writing a program to open a symmetrical warp field.
AII right.
You'II have to sequence the magnetic plasma constriction to the following formula:
T = c sub one over theta times p sub e.
How do I do that?
I'm not sure.
Wait a minute.
I'II see if I can access
StarfIeet's interactive database.
Sweeting!
Thank goodness I found you.
Are you all right?
Where have you been?
In the Mess hall trying to help the poor souls there.
Why didn't you answer the Doctor's halls?
I didn't hear them.
The com system must be down, and, frankly, I was a little busy.
Ashmore thought I was a Kazon.
Tried to kill me with a carving knife.
How do I know you're really NeeIix?
Who else would I be?
Kes, all I want to do is protect you-- to keep you safe.
We have to get away from here-- get to my shuttle.
Doctor, have you figured out how I can enter that sequencing code?
It's quite simple really.
Do you know where the command module is?
Of course.
Activate it and select "magnetic plasma sequencing."
You're becoming annoying.
I-I've got it.
It's activated.
Now it's asking me to enter the core temperature.
Move away from that console.
Now, we need a temperature high enough to emit the resonance burst, but not so high as to irradiate everyone on the ship.
Try three million kelvins.
Kes, look at him.
It hurts!
Look at him. 
Focus.
I can't.
Yes, you can.
The mirror, remember?
It hurts too much!
Kes, look at him.
What's the matter, Kes?
Can't lift your head?
Focus.
Stop it!
I'm all right now, Doctor, and I've entered a temperature of three million kelvin.
Then all you have to do is activate the warp field.
AII right. 
Here we go.
Kes to the Captain.
If you can hear me, please report to Engineering.
What happened?
It's a Iong story, but I think everything's all right now.
Is that who's responsible for all this?
apparently.
He looks so harmless.
It's hard to believe he almost destroyed us.
You're a powerful little thing.
I must say, you surprised me.
Why did you do this to us?
Because I can.
Is it just telepathy, or is there technology involved?
Does it matter?
Oh, it matters to me, because I don't intend to let you continue preying on others.
How would you propose to stop me?
We could destroy your technology, or adjust your brain wave patterns to prevent telepathy, and then we could turn you over to the government of Mithren.
We could even keep you confined in our brig behind a force field.
I'm sure you're very weII-intentioned, Captain, and I'd Iike to be able to accommodate you... but, you see...
I'm not really here.
Captain's Log, supplemental.
We have no explanation for the mysterious disappearance of the telepathic alien.
We can't even be certain that he was actually here.
He seems to have left us with any number of unanswered questions.
I'm surprised to see you here, Captain.
Isn't this the day that you're usually in the holodeck with your novel?
I thought after our recent experience that I'd take a break from fantasy for a while.
I don't blame you.
I think... it had quite an impact on all of us.
Do you think it's true-- that the alien was reading our minds, creating images from our own experiences?
It seemed that way.
He had an uncanny ability to... bring buried thoughts out into the open.
Why?
Oh, it's just...
I experienced something...
I'd rather not admit.
I know.
Me, too.
But in a way... maybe he did us all a favor.
Maybe it's better to...
look those feelings in the eye than to keep them locked up inside.
I guess.
I'II have to think about that.
well, I have an early watch tomorrow, so I'd better turn in.
Good night, Captain.
Good night, B'EIanna.
Sweet dreams.
Thanks.
You, too.

Paris to the Captain.
Janeway here.
I've done an analysis of our route through Botha space whenever you have a minute to check it out.
I'm on my way to Engineering.
I'll be with you as soon as I'm done.
Aye, Captain.
Ah, Captain.
The computer told me I'd find you on Deck 1 1, Section 4B, starboard side and, sure enough, here you are.
What can I do for you, Neelix?
I assumed you'd want to talk to me.
About?
About the Botha.
We're headed for their space, and, as I've told you, they're going to have to be handled very carefully.
I understand, and of course I want your counsel, but, right now, I'm late for a meeting.
I wouldn't put this off too long.
We're getting closer, you know.
Yes, I know.
And I will be with you as soon as I can.
Sorry I'm late.
What do you have?
I think we're about ready to make our first attempt, Captain.
If you're successful, will the Doctor be able to move freely around the entire ship?
Not exactly.
The holo-emitters will be set up in certain key areas... the Bridge, Engineering.
We'll be able to transfer him to those locations.
In the same way we can now transfer him to the holodeck?
Exactly.
But if he tries to move into an area where there's no emitter field, he'll dematerialize.
I have the holo-projector on line.
We're ready to start.
Proceed.
I don't have much time.
Engineering to Sick Bay.
Doctor, we're ready here.
I'm standing by.
Okay. 
Here goes.
Initiating transfer.
Here he comes.
Well, this is certainly a brilliant feat of engineering.
What happened?
I'd guess the imaging interface wasn't properly stabilized.
Just a small oversight.
No pun intended.
Very amusing.
How long will it take you to correct this small oversight?
Maybe a couple of hours.
Mr. Kim, I have to assess our navigational plan and get ready to make contact with an alien species.
I can't drop everything whenever you call.
Tuvok to Janeway.
Go ahead.
Captain, I would like a half an hour of your time to review the security protocols before we encounter the Botha.
Yes, Mr. Tuvok, somehow...
I will find half an hour.
Excuse me, Captain.
Would you come down here, please?
Yes?
When did you last take shore leave?
About two months ago.
Ah. 
How long since you've done something pleasurable for recreation?
Doctor, I know I'm a bit testy today, but I can assure you...
How long?
It's... been a while.
I have a holonovel program.
It helps me unwind.
I haven't had time to run it for a few weeks.
Well, I want you to... now.
Doctor, I'm really very busy.
I've checked Starfleet regulations.
The Chief Medical Officer outranks the Captain in health matters.
Now, I realize this may be the first time a hologram has given an order to a Captain, but I'm ordering you to report to the holodeck... now.
Aye, sir.
And the two of you can get busy undoing this ridiculous blunder of yours!
Good afternoon, milord.
Will the children be joining us for tea?
Presently.
Lord Burleigh... is something wrong?
Yes.
Terribly wrong.
I have fallen in love with you, Lucie.
Milord.
Hello, Father.
We're ready for tea.
I want cucumber sandwiches.
You'll wait your turn, young man.
What may I serve you, milord?
Nothing. 
Thank you.
I see.
I want my tea in this cup, please, and I don't want a cucumber sandwich.
I don't like the way Cook cuts them.
Milord, you'll be very pleased with the children's progress in their studies this week.
Henry shows a real talent for mathematics, and Beatrice turns out to be quite musical.
Beatrice?
Musical?
I don't know what she means.
She's very modest about it.
I've heard her several times in the music room, playing a lovely Mozart sonata, but whenever I ask her to play it for me, she won't.
I think her talent should be encouraged.
Would you consider lessons?
I didn't know Beatrice could play the piano.
I'm sorry.
It's just a cup.
Don't be a goose.
It's the flower cup...
Mother's cup.
It doesn't matter!
Mrs. Templeton!
Please take the children to the nursery.
Yes, milord.
Come.
Please stay here, Mrs. Davenport.
Beatrice is upset.
I should be with her.
I want you here.
What's happening in this house?
How can you not know that Beatrice plays the piano?
Why shouldn't I go to the fourth floor?
What's up there?
Those are questions you must not ask.
But I am asking them.
I'm worried about the children.
Beatrice fantasizes that her mother is still alive.
Don't pursue this, I beg you.
Bridge to the Captain.
Freeze program.
Janeway here.
We've been hailed by a representative of the Bothan government.
They'd like to talk to you.
I'll be right there.
Sorry, milord.
Duty calls.
Captain, I knew we should have talked this morning.
Tell me what you know, Neelix.
I've been in subspace contact with some old friends of mine... uh, nomads, collectors, much as I used to be.
They're in a position to gather information during their travels.
What they've told me doesn't sound good.
In what way?
There are lots of rumors about ships entering Bothan space, never to be heard from again.
My sources on Mithren say that they have lost a number of vessels.
They say the Botha protect their territory fiercely.
But we aren't aggressors.
I don't think they are either.
They just don't want anyone crossing their borders.
Will they negotiate?
Will they respond to diplomacy?
It's hard to say.
There's some belief that they don't even have a legitimate claim to the space... that they're nothing more than pernicious, odious vandals, in which case, diplomacy would fall on deaf ears.
We're being hailed again, Captain.
On screen.
I'm Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager.
Why have you entered our space without permission?
We didn't realize this was your space.
On what basis do you claim it?
I have no intention of explaining myself to you.
The fact is, you're violating our territory.
I assure you, we mean no disrespect.
We are from another part of the galaxy.
We're just trying to make our way home.
We'll send a ship to rendezvous with you.
If you meet the criteria, we'll consider your request.
Thank you.
What are the criteria?
We'll discuss that when we meet.
Friendly fellow.
At least they're willing to talk.
I wonder why he wouldn't let us see his face.
I suspect it was a calculated move... an attempt to intimidate us.
Commander, you have the Bridge.
Aye, Captain.
Mr. Neelix, join me in my ready room.
We should talk about this meeting.
Captain, if I may...
When was the last time you ate?
Ate?
Oh, I had some soup last night.
Then let me suggest that we conduct our talk in the Mess Hall.
We're serving a sumptuous repast for lunch.
Right.
Lunch it is.
Captain, you have a nasty habit of skipping meals, and that can do horrible things to your electrolyte levels.
I know, but sometimes I just get too busy to eat.
All you have to do is give me a call.
I'll be there in a trice with a tray of foods so delectable you won't be able to resist.
I do think I've outdone myself this time.
An exquisite pâté made from Seltin wood fungus.
Brine-soaked neccel strips.
Ooh.
Deviled wood throk.
Where did these come from?
Lieutenant Hargrove asked for them.
Is something wrong?
No. 
Just a funny coincidence.
Something I saw on the holodeck.
Thank you, Neelix.
This all looks delicious.
And it's bound to boost my electrolyte levels.
Where did you get that cup?
Why, I'm not sure.
I think I found several of them in storage.
Unusual, isn't it?
Captain, is everything all right?
It's perfectly all right, Neelix.
I just have to remind myself that coincidences do happen.
I can't help myself.
I've fallen in love with yo.
My mother is alive and my father loves her, not you.
In the course of your experiments with the Doctor, have you accessed any of the holodeck programs?
No, we're bypassing the holodecks.
Where did you get this holo-projector?
We found several of them in storage.
We've been reconfiguring them one by one.
So you haven't worked directly with any of the projectors on the holodecks?
No.
Is there anything you've done... anything you can think of...
that might have caused holographic objects and characters to appear outside the holodeck?
Not that I'm aware of.
I was sure your experiments would explain it.
Captain, there has to be a reason why you've had these delusions.
And we're going to figure out what it is.
The Doctor pointed out that I've been under some stress.
I can't ignore that.
I think we should check out the imaging systems on the holodeck.
There might be a simple malfunction.
Good idea.
We can run the diagnostic from here in Engineering, but you should activate the program first.
I'll contact you from the holodeck.
Janeway to Engineering.
Torres here.
Have you set up the diagnostic?
We're ready, Captain.
Go ahead.
Lucie!
Thank God you've come back.
Why are you dressed so strangely?
It's... a costume.
You'd look lovely in anything.
I've thought of you constantly.
Remembered your touch... your perfume... your lips.
Computer, delete character.
Torres to Janeway.
We're finished, Captain, but we didn't find any malfunctions.
Recalibrate and try it again.
I'm going to check something else.
Aye, Captain.
Captain!
I'm delighted to see you.
Do you want a snack?
No, I'm fine.
But I wanted to ask you about lunch.
Didn't you like it?
It was delicious.
I was just trying to remember all the dishes you made.
There was... the Seltin pâté.
Delectable.
The neccel strips.
Exquisite.
The deviled throk.
Sublime.
And the cucumber sandwiches.
Cucumber sandwiches?
Weren't there... cucumber sandwiches?
I don't even know what that is.
The other item on the menu was a fried mrt cake.
You ate one.
And the cup you served my tea in...?
One of these.
The ones I found in storage.
I thought... it had flowers on it.
Flowers?
Well, no, I don't see any flowers.
Maybe there was another cup, but l-I don't think so.
Would you like a cup with flowers on it?
I'm sure I could replicate one.
It's all right, Neelix.
You've told me what I need to know.
I don't detect anything so far.
No evidence of aneurysm... subdural hematoma... stroke.
Could it be... stress?
Possibly.
Did you go to the holodeck, as I ordered?
Yes.
And was that relaxing?
It was interesting.
I'm not sure how relaxing it was.
There are other possibilities we should consider.
I want to scan for airborne bacteria and viruses.
We should investigate the possibility of an alien intruder.
And I'd like to do a cerebro-cortical scan on you.
Oh!
Kes?
I... 
I don't know.
Strange.
Suddenly, I felt cold, shivery.
Someone was walking on your grave.
Hmm?
Just an old saying on Earth.
A way of describing an odd feeling like that.
Hmm. 
How macabre.
It's a human expression, Doctor.
I'd think you'd have heard it.
My programmers didn't clutter me up with pithy Earth trivia.
They programmed me with far more important data.
Kes, would you please get my sub-neural scanner from the med lab?
Yes, Doctor.
What about my mother's grave?
There's no one inside.
The coffin is empty.
Doctor. 
Doctor.
Who do you see here?
I see you.
And I see you... but I also see a little girl from my holodeck program.
What happened?
I'm not sure.
The image of the little girl suddenly rushed at me.
I saw it, too.
When I came in...
I felt as though something hit me... bounced off me... then I saw the little girl moving right into you.
As though you became a mirror.
You reflected her back toward me.
I've been doing some mental exercises with Tuvok developing my telepathic abilities, but we haven't done anything like this.
Captain, until I am able to determine the cause of these hallucinations,
I'd prefer that you return to your quarters.
Get some rest.
Vegetable bouillon.
No, cancel that.
Coffee ice cream.
Hello?
Is anyone there?
Computer... is there anyone in these quarters except me?
Negative.
Kath, are yo there?
Who's that?
Come look at the pppies.
Mark...
I've missed yo so mch, Kath.
When are yo coming back?
I don't think yo've missed me.
Someone else is in yor thoghts now.
Isn't that tre?
Isn't there someone yo're thinking of?
Computer, open the door.
Everything was fine until you came here.
I took care of him.
He trusted me, but when you arrived, all that changed.
Janeway to Security.
Intruder alert.
You've done nothing but cause trouble.
We don't want more trouble in our lives!
Security to the Captain's quarters!
Tuvok, please respond!
Captain!
Can you still see the hallucination?
Yes. 
The woman with the knife is receding into the Captain just like before.
Captain, listen to me!
You are in Sick Bay.
You are all right.
Captain!
I think Neelix can help you.
No one knows much about the Botha, but he has some information.
I know he's been doing research.
I'll check with him.
You'll probably want him on the Bridge with you when their ship arrives.
Good idea.
I'm not sure how Torres and Kim are coming.
You know they're trying to find a way to transfer the Doctor out of Sick Bay.
Yes.
It's not a priority, but you might want to stay on top of it.
Of course.
Let's see.
There was a problem with one of the deflector shields.
You'll want to follow up on that.
And Stellar Cartography was hoping for a review of their latest report.
I think Tuvok wanted to discuss something about weapons storage...
Captain.
You've trained your crew well.
We'll be able to do without you for a few days.
In the meantime, we're continuing diagnostics on all ship's systems.
There's a reason for what's happening to you and we're not stopping until we find it.
Thank you, Commander.
My patient has to rest now.
I'm sure you'll want to get to the Bridge.
Call me if there's anything I can do.
Just be sure to report to me after you meet with the Botha.
Yes, ma'am.
Captain, if you'll take a seat on one of the beds,
I'd like to do some further tests.
Kes, please prepare the Captain for a cerebro-cortical scan.
Certainly.
Captain, I saw your hallucination again.
What did you see?
You were struggling with a woman.
She had a knife.
She was trying to hurt you.
-That's right.
-As I focused on you, it was just like with the little girl... the image seemed to reflect off of me and move back into you.
Your telepathic abilities must be increasing.
I think it's more than that.
I think something strange is happening on this ship, and it's not just happening to you.
I am picking up a ship on long-range sensors, Commander.
It is a design we have not encountered before.
I show it on a direct intercept course.
That must be our welcoming party.
They're in a hurry, too.
Closing fast.
They are hailing, Commander.
On screen.
Where is your Captain?
She's not available right now.
I'm Commander Chakotay, the First Officer.
I can speak for her.
We observe rather strict protocols.
I'd prefer to negotiate with the Captain.
I understand, but she's not able to come to the Bridge now, and in her absence, our protocols allow me to assume her place.
Our request is the same.
We'd like permission to cross through your space.
We'll do it as quickly as possible.
What kind of weapon systems do you possess?
I'm not sure why that information is necessary.
How do I know you aren't a heavily armed invader, here to attack our settlements?
I don't know how to convince you, but we're a peaceful people.
If you doubt us...
What happened?
I terminated the transmission, Commander, and made it look like an accidental interruption.
I am concerned about some anomalous sensor readings.
I'm getting them, too.
Residual energy displacements.
Two discrete readings... one off the port bow, one off starboard.
We have to consider the possibility of cloaked ships.
Reverse course, Mr. Paris.
Aye, sir.
Two ships de-cloaking.
The Bothan ship is powering up weapons.
Evasive maneuver gamma five.
Report.
Shields at 87 percent.
Minor damage on Decks 4 and 12.
They're turning back for another strike.
Initiating evasive pattern beta two.
Get the weapons on line.
Powering up lateral phaser arrays.
Shields down to 83 percent.
Return fire.
A direct hit.
However, their shields were not penetrated.
I can't stay here.
Captain, I can't allow you to leave Sick Bay.
-You're in no condition...
-Sorry, Doctor.
If we're in trouble, my place is on the Bridge.
There's something weird going on, Commander.
I'm not reading any life signs on the two ships that just de-cloaked.
There's no crew?
It looks like the ships are automated.
They're being controlled by the Bothan ship.
Return fire, Tuvok.
We have hit their weapons array, but not severely enough to disable it.
Commander, the three ships are maneuvering to surround us.
Get us out of here, Paris.
I'm trying.
The ships are powering their weapons.
Preparing to fire.
That last volley took our shields down to 21 percent.
We've got damage on all decks.
Reports of injuries.
All stop.
The lead ship is hailing us, Commander.
On screen.
Your ship is damaged and your Captain incapacitated.
I will accept your immediate surrender.
You're not getting one.
The Captain is fine.
I don't think so.
I think the battle is over now.
Mark.
Don't you recognize the man you love?
Mr. Paris, who do you see on the viewscreen?
It's... my father.
I hope you've been behaving yourself.
I see my girlfriend, Libby.
Mr. Kim, shut down visual.
I'm trying, Captain.
It won't terminate.
Mr. Tuvok, do a multiphasic scan on those ships.
I want any evidence of defensive weakness and prepare the forward photon torpedoes for launch.
Tuvok?
I do not understand how this can be.
Don't try to understand, Tuvok.
Just accept it.
We're together again.
No.
You are not my wife.
Of course I am.
I'm T'Pel.
And there, right in front of you, is your lute, the one you used to play for me.
And look... 
look around you.
You're back home on Vulcan.
Tuvok?
Tuvok, answer me.
Tuvok!
Captain, I'll do it.
Running a multiphasic scan.
Torres to the Captain.
Janeway here.
We're having problems down here.
People are becoming delusional.
It's happening here, too.
I think I know why.
There's a massive energy field coming from those ships.
It's bioelectric, modulating on a delta-wave frequency.
It has psionic properties, and it's permeating the hull.
A psionic field has a psychoactive effect.
That would explain the hallucinations.
You can try remodulating the shields, but, in the meantime,
I'm going to set up a resonance burst from the warp core.
That'll probably block the field, but it'll take a while to set up.
Notify the Doctor.
If the field is bioelectric, he might have some ideas how to neutralize it.
Commander, give Lieutenant Torres a hand in Engineering.
Mr. Neelix, if the crew ever needed a morale officer, now is the time.
See if you can help.
Aye, Captain.
Kath, do you always have to be the Captain?
Can't you relax for a minute?
I want to talk to you.
Mr. Kim, remodulate the shields on a rotating frequency.
Janeway to Kes.
Yes, Captain?
Can you come to the Bridge?
I think we could use you.
Right away.
Paris, are you still with me?
Sure am, Captain.
I'm running the scans on those ships.
I'll work on the shields.
I suggest you don't look at the viewscreen.
It's not even tempting.
How's it going down here?
Not good.
I can't get a response from anybody.
It's like they're catatonic.
It's the same all over the ship.
On my way here, I must have seen 50 people just sitting, staring.
A few minutes ago, there was a momentary interruption in the psionic field.
Were there any indications that the alien somehow came on board?
I'll find out.
Chakotay to Janeway.
Chakotay to the Captain.
Please respond.
Chakotay to anyone on the Bridge.
Kim, Paris, anybody!
We may be the last ones left.
What do we do?
I think we should take an escape pod.
We passed an M-Class planet yesterday.
The pod should get us there in a week.
We can try to get help.
A week?
That might be too late.
It may be our only hope.
If we stay here, we'll end up like the others.
No. 
I have to keep trying to set up the resonance burst.
Do I have to give you an order?
I can't believe you're saying this.
You know we have to stay here and try to help the others.
I want you with me.
You aren't Chakotay.
I'm the Chakotay you want me to be.
The one who loves you.
This is what you want, isn't it?
The secret you've been keeping?
You want us to be together.
And we can be.
I have to help the others.
I want you.
I've always wanted you.
You feel the same way, too.
Yes!
Captain, I'm getting results from the scans.
No apparent defensive weaknesses.
Metallurgical analysis is inconclusive.
I can't remodulate the shields.
Try moving us out of here.
If we can get some distance between us and those ships, we might be able to block the effects.
Yes, ma'am.
This time, let's see if you can do it without causing an accident.
You usually manage to make a mess of everything you do.
Let me say something I've always wanted to say.
Get out of my life!
I'm just telling you what you already know.
When the going gets tough, you crumble.
Not anymore.
Not anymore.
You don't really believe that in your heart.
You believe you'll fail again and, of course, you will.
You can't do anything right.
You'll fail.
Why even try?
Tom?
Tom?
Janeway to Engineering.
Janeway to Torres.
Are you there?
Engineering, respond.
If anyone in Engineering can hear me, I'm on my way.
Computer, put the Bridge controls on security lockout.
Deck 1 1.
Now maybe you have time to talk to me.
You're so strong, Kath.
It's one of the things I always loved in you.
What's the matter?
You used to love it when I kissed you there.
I don't know who you are...
what you are... but I won't let you touch me.
What about the man on the holodeck?
You didn't seem to mind him touching you, did you?
In fact, I think you liked it.
Now I ask you, Kath, is that fair to me?
I've stayed faithful to you.
I've vowed to wait for you no matter how long it takes.
Shouldn't you do the same?
I haven't been unfaithful.
Oh, Kath...
Sick Bay to Engineering.
Lieutenant Torres, please respond.
Doctor to the Mess Hall.
Mr. Neelix, are you there?
This is the Doctor to anyone on the ship.
If you can hear me, please reply.
Either the communications system is malfunctioning or everyone on board has succumbed to a delusional state.
Except you and me.
It would appear that, if the psionic field is to be blocked and the crew restored to normal, it's up to us.
You will have to go to Engineering and complete Lieutenant Torres' efforts to create a resonance burst.
I don't know how to do that.
I will assist you from here.
Do you know how to do it?
I... discussed the matter with Lieutenant Torres.
I think I understand the basic principle behind her plan.
How hard can it be?
All right.
Go to Engineering immediately.
I'll contact you there.
Tom, what happened?
A plasma leak.
Caught me in the face.
Help me.
Can you get to Sick Bay?
The Doctor is there.
Come with me.
I can't, I have to get to Engineering.
You can't leave me like this.
It hurts!
Tom, you can walk.
You have to get to Sick Bay on your own.
Kes, please.
I can't.
You don't want me to get to Engineering.
No.
I'm... 
I'm hallucinating.
Kes... wait!
Come back!
Don't leave me!
Come back!
Finally.
What took you so long?
Doctor, we have to set up this resonance burst as quickly as possible.
I've started hallucinating.
Then see if Lieutenant Torres' last program is active.
I think I have it.
B'Elanna was writing a program to open a symmetrical warp field.
All right.
You'll have to sequence the magnetic plasma constriction to the following formula:
T = c sub one over theta times p sub e.
How do I do that?
I'm not sure.
Wait a minute.
I'll see if I can access
Starfleet's interactive database.
Sweeting!
Thank goodness I found you.
Are you all right?
Where have you been?
In the Mess Hall trying to help the poor souls there.
Why didn't you answer the Doctor's hails?
I didn't hear them.
The com system must be down, and, frankly, I was a little busy.
Ashmore thought I was a Kazon.
Tried to kill me with a carving knife.
How do I know you're really Neelix?
Who else would I be?
Kes, all I want to do is protect you... to keep you safe.
We have to get away from here... get to my shuttle.
Doctor, have you figured out how I can enter that sequencing code?
It's quite simple really.
Do you know where the command module is?
Of course.
Activate it and select "magnetic plasma sequencing."
You're becoming annoying.
l-I've got it.
It's activated.
Now it's asking me to enter the core temperature.
Move away from that console.
Now, we need a temperature high enough to emit the resonance burst, but not so high as to irradiate everyone on the ship.
Try three million kelvins.
Kes, look at him.
It hurts!
Look at him. 
Focus.
I can't.
Yes, you can.
The mirror, remember?
It hurts too much!
Kes, look at him.
What's the matter, Kes?
Can't lift your head?
Focus.
Stop it!
I'm all right now, Doctor, and I've entered a temperature of three million kelvin.
Then all you have to do is activate the warp field.
All right. 
Here we go.
Kes to the Captain.
If you can hear me, please report to Engineering.
What happened?
It's a long story, but I think everything's all right now.
Is that who's responsible for all this?
Apparently.
He looks so harmless.
It's hard to believe he almost destroyed us.
You're a powerful little thing.
I must say, you surprised me.
Why did you do this to us?
Because I can.
Is it just telepathy, or is there technology involved?
Does it matter?
Oh, it matters to me, because I don't intend to let you continue preying on others.
How would you propose to stop me?
We could destroy your technology, or adjust your brain wave patterns to prevent telepathy, and then we could turn you over to the government of Mithren.
We could even keep you confined in our brig behind a force field.
I'm sure you're very well-intentioned, Captain, and I'd like to be able to accommodate you... but, you see...
I'm not really here.
Captain's Log, supplemental.
We have no explanation for the mysterious disappearance of the telepathic alien.
We can't even be certain that he was actually here.
He seems to have left us with any number of unanswered questions.
I'm surprised to see you here, Captain.
Isn't this the day that you're usually in the holodeck with your novel?
I thought after our recent experience that I'd take a break from fantasy for a while.
I don't blame you.
I think... it had quite an impact on all of us.
Do you think it's true... that the alien was reading our minds, creating images from our own experiences?
It seemed that way.
He had an uncanny ability to... bring buried thoughts out into the open.
Why?
Oh, it's just...
I experienced something...
I'd rather not admit.
I know.
Me, too.
But in a way... maybe he did us all a favor.
Maybe it's better to... look those feelings in the eye than to keep them locked up inside.
I guess.
I'll have to think about that.
Well, I have an early watch tomorrow, so I'd better turn in.
Good night, Captain.
Good night, B'Elanna.
Sweet dreams.
Thanks.
You, too.

What day is this?
My hood is squeezing me.
It's hot in here!
How many more shows do I have to do?
Even God rested.
Maybe we need to start repeating shows.
Tell me a joke.
All right. 
This guy walks into... heard it.
Ok. 
Uh, a bridge... heard it.
Ok. 
A guy walks... all right. 
Wait.
Ok. 
Ok. 
All right.
Wait.
Heard any good haikus lately?
Smell the burning flesh, taste the tangy sulfur air.
Volcano season.
Mantis green and strong, deadly pincers razor-sharp...
Waiting for his chance.
Uh, floating asteroid, need to buy some school supplies.
Uh, you're soaking in it.
Go practice your monologue.
Har-Dee-har!
I don't do a monologue, junior.
Ohh... 
What?
- Tonight you do.
- Haven't you read the script?
Yes, of course I've read the script.
I just don't remember.
I'm under a lot of pressure, you know!
- I'm a working man!
- I don't have time for scripts.
You know?
* Ahh ahh ahh captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group and U.S. department of education.
Hey!
Live!
The space ghost... 
Coast to coast.
Live!
The space ghost...
Hey!
Coast to coast!
Live!
Hey!
- Good evening.
- I'm space ghost.
On my show tonight, body-slammer hulk hogan, and, straight from the snake pit, slash.
Now, please say hello to my band, zorak and the original way outs.
Say, zorak, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the studio... tonight.
No, it didn't.
Ha ha! 
Yes, zorak, it did.
- I was there.
- Nothing was funny.
Come on. 
Quit it!
I can't hear you.
I said a funny thing happened to me.
No, it did... huh!
Say, I just invisoed in from the coast, and, boy, are my arms tired!
Ha!
- Yeah, buddy.
- They're tired.
Hey, you know what's crazy?
I'll tell you... politics!
Those guys running around voting, making laws and stuff.
I mean, who asked them?
Hey, are...
Phew! 
Pollen.
Do tell us more comical... don't start with me, zorak.
Do start.
You're playing with fire, greeny, so play me to the desk.
Uh, I would prefer not to.
Uh, excuse me?
That's the way it is.
I ain't doin' it.
- You're not a scrivener.
- You're a locust.
So play me to the desk!
Greetings, citizen hulkster.
Are you getting enough o2?
Hulk, are you with us?
- Yeah.
- Me and that little bee.
Uh-huh.
I know what it is.
Uh, beg pardon.
Ok... 
The belt's there because I didn't want any of those space aliens to steal it.
Moltar, I don't think the hulkster is getting enough oxygen.
- Um, where are we?
- Page 6?
Space ghost's... hang on, hulkster, we're working on it.
5 Miles from Cuban waters. 
Mark.
Moltar, hurry!
What's the inflection on this exactly?
How we doing, hulkster?
* Does anybody really care what time it is? 
*
Moltar. 
Moltar!
- All right. 
Hang on.
- That wasn't it.
Space ghost, a man with the beef.
That's the big fella.
Don't tell me it's ok when it's not ok.
Wait!
Oh, beautiful, beautiful! 
Ahh... 
There.
How we doing, hulkster?
I know now that I'm on space ghost's new show.
All righty.
Hulk, you have an identifying theme that is cloaked in clandestine mystery.
Care to divulge it?
Uh...
Well...
What you going to do when hulk hogan comes to wrestle you?
- Come on.
- What's your secret identity?
My true identity is the leader of the pack.
* In-a-gadda-da-vida, baby yeah!
* Don't you know that I'll always be true? 
*
Yeah!
* In-a-gadda-da-vida, zorak *
You know, hulky, in some ways, you and zorak and a lot alike.
No! 
He's got different color skin.
- I'm tan.
- I'm from California.
Melrose place.
My sister watches that show.
Uh-huh.
- And I'm the w.C.W. 
- Heavyweight champion.
That other guy's just a cartoon character.
Hey! 
What do you mean, just a cartoon character?
Yeah! 
What's that supposed to mean?
Look, I paid my dues.
- I waited tables.
- I answered phones.
I polished silver for the queen.
I made coffee!
Nice lady.
I made coffee!
Me and rubelle.
Man, we could really... hey, what do you think of Lassie, hulk?
Well, I'm... 
I'm a animal lover.
I don't think I'd want to... no, I wouldn't either.
- Wrestle Lassie.
- I wish Lassie was my pet.
Me, too.
But Ted Turner won't let us have pets in the studio, ever since banjo.
Banjo!
- Ted Turner?
- Who's that?
- Ted owns us, zorak.
- He can push us around.
Even you, hulk.
Well, I don't know.
What if Ted made you do xeroxing all day... in an apron?
Would you pile-drive him?
You would, wouldn't you?
Because you're a tough guy.
You're Mr. tough.
He's got pretty big arms the last time I saw him, because he's been working out with his wife Jane Fonda.
- I'm "Fonda" 
- Fonda.
She's a fitness expert.
Yes, I'm Fonda bridget Fonda.
Be quiet, brown nose.
Hey! 
I don't have a nose.
Who's the most powerful man in the Turner organization?
Fonda.
Hulk hogan or Ted Turner?
Uh, I would say Ted... 
Ted, then space ghost, and then the hulkster.
I'd love to see if I could body-slam that big dude.
Yeah. 
I hear that.
Whoa, daddy!
Back at you!
Hey, bobbaroni.
Originally, they used to say, "couples skate next.
Two girls may not skate together."
And then, like, a couple of years later, they'd say, "couples skate.
"Two girls may not skate together.
Two boys may not skate together."
But they'd say it like, "who'd have figured?
Twoboysmay not skate together!"
Are we rolling?
How do you do?
How do you do, ladies and gentleman?
We're home.
Later in the program, we'll be talking to a nice gentleman named slash.
Oh! 
Ow!
I've thrown my back out.
Worker's comp! 
Aah!
Had you going.
Hulk, do you know slash's last name?
That's his whole name.
- Neither did Henry.
- He didn't even have a mouth.
There's xuxa, hmm?
- That's right, zorak.
- There's xuxa.
What about her, huh?
Xuxa. 
Xuxa. 
Xuxa.
Oh, xuxa! 
Xuxa!
Will you come over and put the sleeper on zorak?
I don't think anybody like you or any of the little space ghost kids out there, all those fans of yours, should ever try any - wrestling holds at home.
You should never put the sleeper on your boys and your little girlfriends and... bleh!
Ok, hulk, whatever.
It looks like you've been eating those space cheeseburgers.
I'm looking at your waist, and that belly of yours is hanging out so far,
I don't even think you can see your shoelaces when you tie your space tennis boots.
My laces are velcro.
So tell us, what's new in the incredible world of hulk?
A brand-new tv series calledthunder in paradise, whereI getto play an action-adventure hero on tv every week.
An action-adventure hero?
Oooh!
Why didn't I think of that?
And you fight crime, right?
That's original!
Hey, do you beat up any bad guys?
Maybe come to the rescue of a few distressed citizens?
Uh... sure! 
Maybe even save the day while you're at it.
Well, you know, dude... been there, done that!
See ya.
Moltar, give him a copy of the home game.
Please welcome my next guest... slash.
Yeah?
Ok.
What's happening?
Well, I'm space ghost.
What's happening?
Then you'd probably ask me a question I couldn't answer, and I'd feel like a real idiot.
No, no, no.
Don't you worry your pretty little head about anything.
Ok.
- Are you ready?
- I think so.
Ok, citizen slash, welcome to the show.
You're from earth, right?
Yeah.
How many clouds does earth have?
You know, son, if you were a paramedic, people would be dead already.
Next question.
Citizen longhair, when you're on tour, do you ever miss your mommy?
I can't hear you.
Are you even listening to me?
- Yeah.
- Hello?
- I'm here.
- I just said yeah.
- Whatever.
- Whatever, son.
Stupid answer to a stupid... what?
Never mind.
Where are your eyes?
- I can't do this, you guys.
- I knew this before we got here.
Wait! 
I saw one.
- Get me out of here.
- Ha ha ha!
Sing us a zippy guitar riff with your mouth.
No, no. 
Just listen to the record.
I have no intentions of doing any zippy guitar riffs with my mouth.
Here... 
like this.
No! 
Like this.
No! 
This.
* Dao dao dao dao.
- I'm not going to cooperate with you.
- I don't have to.
- Oh, really?
- Uh-uh.
- You know what, slash?
- We'll be right back.
Cool.
- - 
- Yeah, slash.
- Don't worry, buddy.
- We'll be right back.
Ha ha ha!
What a character.
Ha ha ha!

PASOLINI 
- AN ITALIAN CRIME-
Ostia Seafront, 2 November 1975, 1.30 AM.
Suspicious car racing on Ostia.
We are going to stop it.
Received.
Do you have I.D. ?
No.
Name?
Pelosi.
I said name, not surname.
Pino.
Pino is a nick-name.
Giuseppe.
Look at me when you talk to me, Giuseppe Pelosi.
What happened to your head?
It hurts.
You've already seen a doctor;
but it was nothing.
Do you mean that you've hurt yourself?
Yes.
Good.
Include this in the statement, so he won't say it was us.
Sergeant.
Look at this.
Pier Paolo Pasolini.
Do you know you've robbed someone famous?
I lost a ring, I think it's in the car.
What ring?
Did you find my cigarettes?
That's enough for you to keep me here?
Sorry, there has been a robbery and since we couldn't phone you, ...we had to visit.
Come in, please.
A car was stolen. 
An Alfa Romeo GT 2000 with a Rome number plate.
Yes, this is Pier Paolo's.
And you are...?
His cousin.
Wait here, Ill get him.
Don't make any noise.
His mother is sleeping.
Let me untie it first.
Where is the bag, Dad?
It's there.
It's not.
- Look in the boot.
Dirty and disgusting people.
Where do they come from.
They're all...
Oh, my God.
My God. 
My God.
Alfredo, come here.
I killed someone.
Who?
Pasolini.
Pasolini. 
The famous one?
Where did they find him?
Where?
Out. 
Out. 
Clear the area. 
Clear the area.
Whose' ball is this?
What are you waiting for?
Clear this area.
Get these people out of here.
It seems they've used a plank from this fence.
As soon as I came here, I realised it was not garbage, but a corpse.
Mr. Moravia, can you make a statement?
Not yet.
My last name is spelled with two 't':
Salvitti. 
What's your's?
I'm Furio Colombo.
I work for 'La Stampa'....
'La Stampa', the Agnellis newspaper.
Yes, from Agnelli.
- Write that this is disgusting.
That it was a gang.
They have killed that poor wretch.
He was crying for half an hour:
'Mama, Mama, Mama.'
They were about 4 or 5 of them.
Have you told the police?
Do I look like an idiot?
Did you tell police you lost a ring?
Yes. 
Why?
Come with me. 
We'll go to the judge.
Why do I have to see the judge now?
- What kind of ring was it?
Gold with a stone.
And I had something engraved.
Something in English.
Only failed to tune in your signature.
Can I go?
Do you understand? 
This was found beside the body.
This case should not be here.
I'm not a juvenile judge
Do you know why you have been brought here?
Because if you are a minor and have been with other grown-ups...
Which grown-ups?
- ...this is tried at an ordinary court.
Which means you will be judged by a court for adults and without child protection.
You'll be judged as an adult, as a true criminal.
Were you alone or were there others with you?
I was alone.
Then, Pasolini came to the Stazione Termini with Alfa.
First he spoke with your friends and then he called you, ... you were next to the kiosk at Plaza Esedra.
How much money did he offer you to go with him?
He didn't talked about money. 
He just said he would give me a nice gift.
Just that. 
A beautiful gift.
But when you came up to the car, did he say what he wanted from you.
He only asked me if I had eaten.
So, he took me to a restaurant next to the Basilica of San Paolo:
...called 'Trattoria al dente'.
But you recognized him?
Did you know who he was?
It is not possible. 
Such a famous man.
He's in all newspapers and TV.
I never watch TV.
But there in the restaurant, as a customer was he not welcomed and was he not called by his name.
Paolo. 
They called him Paolo.
We stopped outside of Idroscalo.
He wanted a blowjob but I didn't do it.
Then I got out off the car.
I walked to the fence and I saw him coming after me..
He began to touch me and tried to get into my pants.
With this crazy look in his face he said:
'I'll kill you', 'I'll kill you'.
I fought him back because I did not want to have sex with him.
Then he got angry and tried to get his dick up my ass.
And he began to beat and punch me.
When we were rolling on the ground, I grabbed a wooden stick  and hit him with all my strength on his head,  in his face and neck, everywhere.
I stopped when I saw that he didn't move anymore.
I didn't know what to do. 
His face and hands were full of blood.
I got into the car and I drove off.
That's all.
This case doesn't belong here.
I will transfer it to the Juvenile Court.
But was Pelosi alone?
- Was there no-one else in Idroscalo?
You can move now.
I have finished here.
I'll make the prints.
All right.
You, take your clothes off.
No, just on the floor. 
We'll pick them up later.
It's amazing that after such a fight you don't have any mud on you.
I stopped at a fountain to wash my hands and clothes.
Water wouldn't remove any bloodstains.
Look here.
There has to be a stain but there's no sign.
Come on, hurry.
Do I have to take off my socks?
Yes, even your socks.
What do you want?
Well?
- Are you Antonio Pelosi?
Yes, I am. 
What do you want?
Have you received a call from the police tonight?
Yes, I have.
Been told that your son Pino has been arrested?
Yes, I've been told.
A prisoner in the Juvenile Detention.
Nothing will happen to him.
It's not the first time.
It's bad luck to have a thief as a son.
Your son is charged with murder.
Pier Paolo Pasolini lived in a house in Via Eofrae next to his mother and cousin, with a young university-student and some other friends.
He was very close to his mother, Mrs. Susanna Pasolini and she also played the role of the Virgin Mary... ..in his film 'The Gospel According to St. Matthew'...
Friends say, we wouldn't have want to bring out this chronicle live broadcast...
This way personalities... of culture and the world of cinema to pass away.
What do you want from me?
It's not a good time.
Sorry. 
Not now.
Last night you were together in a restaurant?
In Pommidoro.
But Pier Paolo went home alone, by himself.
We both went home. 
Paolo to his home and I to mine.
You have worked a lot with Pasolini, as one of his actors.
Can you give us a brief portrait.
Who was Pier Paolo Pasolini.
He was a person who... you see, I have no words.
A great... the greatest person.
And above all, a person who was too good for this world.
Advocate. 
Advocate.
Advocate, I'm from Telediario.
Nino, finally.
Who are they?
I don't know. 
From the Police.
They want to see Pier Paolo's diary.
They wanted to find out if he had an appointment with someone last night.
No, you can't do that.
- Nino, wait. 
Calm down.
Susanna is with Laura. 
She still doesn't know.
I disconnected radio and TV.
I can't tell her.
How can we tell her?
If I sign this, I will not be able to do anything.
We'll find a way.
But not now.
When then?
She doesn't speak or ask anything.
It is as if she knows.
I can only say that Pier Paolo was uncomfortable for this society and so he has been removed.
What else?
- I have nothing on Pelosi.
Originally from Guidonia.
Height 1.71 metre.
I would say he is quite athletic.
A nerd couldn't have killed Pasolini.
Have you already found those photos?
Damn. 
Why did this idiot have to get killed on a Sunday?
Have you seen the interview with Davoli?
He says, Pelosi would not have been able to do it alone.
What do we care about Ninetto Davoli?
Is he a judge or police?
Is he investigating the corpse?
Boss.
What is this?
The script of Pelosi's hearing.
Congratulations. 
Very good. 
This is better than crying Ninetto.
A youngster admitted killing Pasolini after a quarrel with the writer,
Pelosi said, he first hit his head with a stick,
The young man had arrived in Rome the afternoon, to meet some friends.
Do you have to listen to this?
- Shut up. 
Let me hear.
Then a car came up to me, driven by a man...
At first I didn't recognized him.
He told me that he was Pasolini.
Is he crazy? 
Why did he say he knew him?
Did you heard? 
He also said that we were at the station?
If the police calls, What shall we say?
The truth. 
That we were at the station.
What if they ask about the car?
Pelosi said that Pasolini escorted him to a restaurant.
The youngster also said they stopped on the road to Ostia.
Another driver in the area confirmed this.
Is this story true about the driver?
He is called De Angelis and works in a bar.
He says there was no one else.
Only the Alfa. 
No other car.
Does that surprise you?
Pasolini wanted the boy to go with him.
Then, Pasolini and the boy argued about having sex.
I would talk to his friends who were with Pelosi and the owner of the bar.
Perhaps they have some information.
Maybe a raid at Piazza Cinquecento, will reveal something.
Under pressure, some might speak out.
But what do you want me to do, Pigna?
We have terrorist attacks here.
The fascists just shoot, as they did the other day in San Lorenzo.
Robberies, kidnappings, drug trafficking, and you are concerned with that Pasolini.
This boy has a history.
He could have gotten into something quiet ugly.
Previously? 
A stolen bike?
What the fuck is this investigation for?
It's just about a gay guy and a hustler and nothing else.
You see? 
TV only broadcast... the version of the accused, without any balance.
Thus, fifty million Italians... believe everything Pelosi said.
I understand that. 
You're right, but...
You must immediately make a statement.
The press can't be the judge here.
- Advocate, please.
Such a statement would mean a threat to freedom of expression.
I can not do that.
You are one of the largest judicial authorities.
All I can do in this case is recommend maximum discretion.
I guarantee that this will not happen again.
You have my word.
What happened to your arm?
- I broke it when I fell off my bike.
Wasn't that when you fought Pasolini the other night, in the Idroscalo?
No. 
As I said, I broke it a month ago.
Look, here I have the evidence.
This hasn't had anything to do with Pasolini.
And how did you get to the Stazione Termini?
By bus.
When Pasolini's car approached, did you recognize him right away?
Sure.
Salvatore even grabbed his arm and asked for a role in his next movie.
And I said, 'Look, I...' 
- Did you tell Pelosi, who he was?
You bet.
When I saw him getting into the car, I said:
'Be careful, that Pasolini is capable of anything.'
Are you sure you said: 'Pasolini'?
I think I did,...
That's strange. 
Pino said that he knew, right?
How do you know that?
It said so on TV.
- Television is wrong.
How can it be?
- Is it Pelosi or you who is lying.
Perhaps on second thought, Maybe I didn't tell him straight away... but when he returned half an hour later...
Why did he come back?
- Because I had to give him the car keys.
What Car?
Didn't you come by bus?
- I meant  I had the keys to his house, ... because his jacket didn't have pockets.
Then he said that he was going to Idroscalo.
No, he didn't say anything.
And then what happened?
Nothing. 
He went away.
But this time Pasolini did not come back.
Do you think after killing someone, he'd take the car from the dead and drive around 160 kilometres per hour like an idiot?
Who said he went that fast?
They only said they arrested him.
So, don't make things up.
With a car like that, and not going to drive fast?
I don't think, that he has killed anyone.
Pino 'the frog' is not capable of that.
I say he only stole the car.
Someone else killed him.
Unless they were on drugs.
- What drugs?
Anything. 
Ask Braciola, he knows about these things.
What do you mean?
He's a pharmacist?
Go to hell.
And what do you think? 
What happened between Pelosi and Pasolini?
What happened?
I don't care.
Good morning. 
I am a journalist.
I would like to talk to Ennio Salvitti.
What Salvitti, the fisherman?
- Where can I find him?
The fisherman's gone.
At least four of your type came this morning.
He has denied everything.
He didn't tell your colleagues anything.
Here, the article is signed Giulio Colombo.
They failed to write that we only tried helped that poor Pelosi.
Poor? 
He killed him.
I would give a medal to that poor kid.
Do you know what Pasolini wanted from the boy?
Would you like that to happen to your son or your brother?
He got what he deserved.
Go now, go away.
Why did he have to die here?
Couldn't he've died somewhere else?
Leave now, go.
A little to the right
I was close to Pier Paolo when he was very young.
He introduced me to poetry and film.
I was his assistant in his first movie, 'Accattone'.
I think that this is not a crime against a person or against a brother, but a crime against Art, intelligence and poetry.
I don't know his murderers, and neither what they did, but anyway Pier Paolo was telling the truth.
Now they have shut him up forever.
This is something horrible and monstrous.
The Press Office, please.
They took the decision to silence him forever.
And that deeply disturbs us.
As the Secretary of the group 'Social House' consider it my duty to denounce speculations, that the News have been dedicated to help Pier Paolo Pasolini's murder.
It is scandalous to say that this murder is a crime against Art.
We, and with us, millions of Italians, do not feel represented by the work of Pier Paolo Pasolini.
They have only weak arguments.
Don't take it too seriously.
It will be nothing.
It was self defence.
What are you supposed to do, when you are attacked?
Are the Judges protecting queers?
Exactly. 
Self-defence will give you only a few months.
But if you start to talk, you'll be out of here with your feet first.
Are you Pelosi's Attorney?
Why? 
Do you know anything?
No. 
Only what I've heard around.
He ended pretty badly, poor Pier Paolo.
Why? 
Did you know Pasolini?
How couldn't I have?
Not personally, of course.
Always hanging around with the same car.
Then getting old.
Whether you are famous or not, it happens to all of us.
And that night I saw him in his car going round and round.
Then I met a friend and I didn't pay any more attention.
Did you see Pelosi, there at Stazione?
Maybe, I remember...
a handsome guy.
But he did not kill Pasolini.
Everyone knows that.
Yes?
The people in control there killed him.
They are like a mafia. 
For some time they had targeted Pasolini.
Why?
- He asked too many questions.
He had been warned twice already.
How many?
A car followed him for an ambush.
Would you tell a Judge all this?
Listen to me, please.
We protest strongly.
We have a right to see Pelosi.
We have been appointed.
- Sorry, dear Vincenzo.
He is Vincenzo, I am Tommaso.
- Please forgive me. 
I meant Tommaso.
In any case, no one can see or talk with your client now.
Perone, but why not?
I prefer that no-one speaks with him before I have questioned him.
Hello.
Have you heard what the lawyers say about Pelosi? 
- No, what?
They say his confession is unconvincing  and that he will be tied as a civil case, represented by Marazzita.
'That Saturday night, Giuseppe Pelosi must have had other helpers.'
You see, this is strange.
Obviously, they think that he is covering for somebody.
Perhaps out of fear.
If I had to defend myself and I was... convinced that there were other perpetrators I'd do the same. 
Show that he was just a simple accessory.
So, why does Pelosi insist that he was alone?
Because it enables him... to be tried as a minor.
He knows that if the judge accepts him as a minor, the case will end quickly.
Have you studied Law, Perosi?
- No, it is simple experience.
The past year he has gotten rid of a charge of robbery, only to be minor.
Anyway, as I understand Pier Paolo has hunted the fascists.
I don't mean physically, but fascism and the air around us and the horror we breathe in every day.
Or, perhaps, he hunted them even physically.
Listen. 
I have no intention starting a political process.
No?
- No.
Why?
- Because it is political.
You'll see.
The first has a history of carrying weapons and so forth.
The second is a beginner, but the other day he attacked a passerby.
This, attempted murder and robbery.
Released after a time.
And this is the worst.
Me.
They're all junkies.
People who go cold turkey will kill their own parents to steal a watch.
Yes, everything is fine. 
But what to do with Pelosi?
Two of them have been seen in the bar Pelosi usually goes to.
Well? 
What do they have to do with Pasolini ?
What do they have to do with Pasolini?
Haven't you seen the pamphlets?
I kept one as a souvenir.
Cute, right?
Remember what I said. 
I do not want to call a guard.
I thought this were the lawyers.
What lawyers.
Did you hear what they are saying?
They say that maybe you were not alone.
You know that if you were not alone, if there was... someone else they will give you a life sentence.
Never.
You haven't slept, right?
How am I going to sleep.
Watch out. 
You're hurting me.
Like those two. 
You must change lawyers.
Yes, indeed. 
He agreed to carry Pelosi's defence and I haven't wasted your time.
What is this? 
Books by Pasolini.
I read, to learn. 
First, because it is not my usual habit to demonise anyone.
And secondly, because maybe these books contain the mystery of his disease.
An erotic paranoia, which, that night at the Idroscalo, led to tragedy.
Strange things happen these days.
The communists, who want equality asking for special treatment for...
Pasolini, only because he was an accomplished artist.
The case is clear. 
Pelosi struck to defend himself. 
To defend his honour.
An absolute tragic outcome, of course.
But this desperate outcome is symbolic of the proletariat revolt, the rebels against exploitation a pseudo-libertarian culture.
It is very comfortable to go hunting... by driving an Alfa Romeo GT 2000.
This process will clear the way for cultural terrorism and show who Pier Paolo Pasolini truly was.
May his soul rest in peace.
Come on, pull Pasolini's car in.
Quick. 
Come quick.
Look what you do.
You have to make the autopsy. 
It's too important and I don't trust anyone else.
Sorry, Nino, you can't ask me to do that.
Yes, because you're the only one that can do it.
Court Administration experts have been unable... to examine the body at the crime scene.
They could only see it in the Morgue.
The Judge has not yet questioned Pelosi's friends local residents, or the regular users of the station.
They have not even made at least one Car expert analysis of Pier Paolo's vehicle.
You know that in a trial for minors, the prosecution has only 40 days.
We have nothing. 
- What do you expect from me? 
I can't do miracles.
Tomorrow, at the funeral, all evidence will be buried for ever:
...body, investigation and attention of the public opinion... and the words of Pelosi will stay as the only truth.
And according to you, what is the truth?
So far I have some impressions based only at the first hearing of the boy.
The impressions also count. 
Do you think Pelosi is telling the truth or not?
No. 
I don't think so.
It seems too unreal to have happened exactly like this.
How do you see this case?
- I'm learning.
We will not publish any of this.
- Why?
Too violent and tragic.
No-one would believe that the idiot Pelosi did this by himself.
Anyway it is better that we keep ahead of our competitors.
Okay, let's begin.
Two large skin abrasions at the front and side.
Bruising on the cheekbone and left jaw.
Jaw fracture at two points.
Transverse lesion outer ear, left atrium.
Right ear injury with the ear nearly torn off.
Some finger-edge fractures left hand and a deep cut on thumb.
Fracture of the sixth and seventh right rib.
On the left side, fracture of the sixth, seventh, eighth and the ninth rib.
In summary, ten fractures all together.
Capsular wounds in the liver.
Was this all featured in the Report to the Court expert?
I don't think they had read it.
We've lost first and foremost a poet... and in the world there are not so many poets.
Only three or four are born every century.
At the end of this century, Pasolini is among the very few poets remembered.
A poet should be something sacred.
The cause of death was fracture in the heart caused by the push of a car.
We are done, Paolo.
'Dear Pelosino I received your mail.
I've been to Inacasa, but Johnny was not there.
'As soon as I see him, I'll tell him to write to you'.
Who is this Johnny? 
Is he that friend of yours: 
Johnny, the Gypsy?
What do you care? 
Is it important?
Now you're in jail, do not give up and think about what you've done.
You have to pretend that nothing happened.
Just think one day you will be free and that day is near.
Goodbye. 
Your friend, Braciola.
Who the hell is Braciola?
The son of Jack the Ripper?
This comes from Germany.
Do you know anyone there?
Four poor fellows who migrated there ten years ago, have made a collection.
With all these fans we are going to get rich.
There is another version of the death of Pasolini. 
They killed two motorcyclists.
What story is that?
Mysterious witness?
Who has told Fallaci there were other perpetrators?
Is it possible that you are total idiots?
Even in a newspaper article we look like idiots.
How is this possible?
What have we done so far?
Where are the expert reports of Pasolini's car?
Where are the interviews of those in the Idroscalo?
Why hasn't the bar of the Station raided?
They had to be here.
We know them one by one.
Can you tell me why you haven't done any of this ?
Why were you on the streets at this hour?
Didn't you have rheumatism?
What about you?
- Yes, of course.
I was there by chance, looking for a pharmacy.
Did you know Pasolini?
Who doesn't?
He was a great director.
No...
I mean, had you seen him before?
Sure, on TV and the movies.
I mean if you saw him there at the Stazione Termini, where you were.
Listen: 
I told you I was looking for a pharmacy.
Stop being a fool, idiot.
Have you seen him at the Station?
Perhaps one of those other times that you were 'looking for pharmacy'.
No. 
I never saw him there.
Good morning, Police.
Do you live here?
Yes.
Have you been questioned?
- No, nobody was here.
The worst job always comes to us, eh, Professor?
Pigna.
There are tracks here where the car was.
Why wasn't the place sealed?
As soon as I arrived, I sealed it.
But I was not the first to arrive.
But how can we do the research?
How can we distinguish the tracks?
Look here. 
And here.
And here. 
And here.
It looks like an act of a lunatic. 
Are you trying to cover up for someone?
I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
Goodbye, professor.
I've told you the story twenty times.
I'm sick of it.
How did you come to the Stazione?
- In my car.
Not true. 
Your friends have said that night you went to the Stazione by bus.
So who are you? 
I'm only going to answer to the judge.
I'm the attorney for the family of Pasolini.
You're going to have to answer my questions.
Is it true?
- It's true.
Maybe my friends, as I don't have the card, have thought it was a stolen car.
However, my colleague, the 850 was acquired legitimate.
Here's the bill for the acquisition.
- Sure. 
It cost a lot of money.
Where did you get the money from?
That's my business. 
I'm here to talk about Pasolini, not my car.
Let's go on.
You didn't realize that he was injured by the surface of the car?
You did not even think that he could have been alive?
So why did you say to your cell-partner that you had killed Pasolini?
I said Pasolini, because when the police stopped me, I was told that the car was his.
No, I did not asked that.
I asked: why did you say: 'I've killed?
Because I thought that after that beating and blood and time that had happened...
Then you say you gave him... such a beating that he could have been dead.
I don't know. 
I don't know.
What kind of questioning is that against the defendant?
Are we in the KGB?
Come on, calm lawyer.
Then, I will formulate the question for you.
When you left the place, what did you think?
I thought only of getting away.
I did not think of Pasolini.
I wanted to get away, nothing else.
When did the letter from Braciole come?
- Sunday.
Can you make a copy?
- Yes, in the office.
I have never supported homosexuals.
They are worse than others.
In this world, those who treat us badly, we also treat badly.
Homosexuals, thieves and murderers are scam.
Pasolini, only because he was someone to wrote something, us and the media give him importance.
Yesterday I saw the funeral of Pasolini on TV.
There were many people, like the President of the Republic.
I say it's not fair. 
The State punishes criminals and thieves.
Why then do they honour homosexuals?
Homosexuals.
Sit.
Do you agree?
- Sure, he asked for it.
He could have stayed in the North and not come to Rome to molest young people.
He liked sissies.
- No, the hard ones.
This is one of his poem on Rome.
Listen.
'City great and miserable... '... who showed me how happy men and the wild are teaching children.
'Those little things, which reveal the greatness of life.
'I walk fast and secure in the crowded streets... '...and go to another man without a tremble.
'Not be ashamed to see how the fingers counting money... '...the worker is sweaty... '...with his weathered face in the colour of a perpetual summer.
'City great and miserable... '...you made me to discover a life unknown to me, '...until I discovered that each person was a world.'
This was Pasolini and this is what I taught you.
Braciola, Calabrone and Johnny, all friends of Pelosi.
Keep an eye on them, who they are and what they do.
I know Braciola. 
They are related to the Monarchist Union.
Johnny calls him 'The Gypsy' and his parents own a carousel.
He left Marmo Jail recently.
For a small crime, stealing a bike.
Was he in jail at the day of the homicide?
No, he was out. 
Why do you want to know?
Forget it.
Sit. 
Sit.
Well, ...what is so important?
I have a meeting in 10 minutes.
What about the report?
I've had my eye on that bar for months.
The Romans use to gather there.
But earlier this year, when the kidnappings and assaults began, the french begun to appear.
Here is an important one.
His name is Gilles Marcel.
His two main activities are dressing as a women and selling drugs.
Inside his bag, a kilo of heroin.
We arrested him an hour ago.
The National Vanguard is: 
Black Terrorist, suspected for bombing.
Continue.
National Vanguard and New Order which is the same as saying that the fascists... are using bombs, have joined and now call themselves 'Popular Struggle.'
They are financed by kidnapping, robbery and drug trafficking.
And the evidence? 
Where are they?
This one here called Luigi Mariano, a banker... in Brindisi was kidnapped several months ago.
And behind all of this is Concutelli, military commander of the Black Terrorists.
The conclusion is that Rome is like Chicago, right?
No.
The conclusion is that the fascists and the underworld are allied.
And now they do the assaults, kidnappings and drug trafficking together.
Before the fascists only recruited people for beatings,
Now they ask for other things, like killing, making bombs and worse like murdering Pasolini.
I do not make silly arrests, just because you have... some ideas about the fascists and and all that crap without any evidence. 
You have nothing.
Is this a report?
So you work here?
It seems that one is reading 'L'Unita'.
That is to childish.
Now, draw a picture of yourself.
Did you forget your hands. 
Didn't they teach you to draw on the College?
Sorry, wait a minute.
Let him at least finish.
What did you mean when you said?
That he is a savage, a beast?
That everybody already knows.
He is a monster, right?
And you, how do you judge your child's behaviour?
And how should I?
Don't you understand you have to survive?
You mean that Pino did well doing that?
- Whoever did wrong was Pasolini.
He should have stayed writing poetry.
Because I stay in my house, when I return at night, dead tired.
To me these things have never happened.
How do you feel about what your father says?
What do you mean, feel about?
Does it seem normal to you what you have done?
I don't know.
In short, of everything that happened, is there anything... you wish wouldn't have happened?
Yes, of course.
- What?
The newspapers wrote it is their fault.
It is not their fault that I'm what I am.
- Like what?
You know....
Is there anything else that you dislike?
- They call me 'Frog'.
I've got this nickname in the newspapers.
Do I have a frog face?
There are guys who have seen me on TV and... they say that they dream of me, not a frog.
Death. 
Say another word for it.
To finish everything.
And birth?
I can't think of anything.
Well?
- More work.
Work, Luigi?
I would have preferred to see you tomorrow.
Why tomorrow? 
We have no time to lose. 
Give me this.
Listen, Nino. 
Sorry to bring bad news but I think, he is immature.
What? 
Immature?
- Immature.
What do you mean, he has killed a man.
Even a five year old child knows, that taking someone's life is something that...
Yes, I know. 
But he... no...
doesn't even know that...
He has no moral. 
Conditions where he has lived so far...
Stop with this psychological bullshit.
For you even Cain would be innocent.
You realize that if the Court accepts him as immature, he'll be free the next day.
Yes, I know. 
If you want, you can always ignore... the expert report.
Of course. 
I won't submit this.
Andreotti, Fanfani, Rumour and at least one dozen other powerful Democrats should be taken prisoners.
And being processed for a number of crimes:
bribes about oil with industry and bankers, ...collaboration with the CIA, illegal use of secret information, responsibility in the massacres of Milan, Brescia and Bologna by landscape destruction and urban Italy,
...for their role in the anthropological degradation of the Italians, ...and by the wild explosion of mass-culture and media and for their role in TV criminality.
Without criminal proceedings they come to believe... you can do anything in our country.
And it seems clear that the respectability of some Democrats or the morals of the Communists has been good for nothing.
August 28, 1975 Pier Paolo Pasolini
Pasolini wanted to prosecute all. 
And you know why?
Because he wanted revenge on all criminal proceedings initiated against him.
Pasolini. 
How persecuted was he?
What kind of a victim or a monster built by the Press. 
Where are the facts?
October 15, 1949, arrested for the first time for corruption of minors.
January 1, 1951, Chioggia:
arrested for drunkenness.
July 21, 1955: 
Taken to Court by Judicial Council of Milan for pornographic contents in his book 'Young Life'.
Doctor, your toga.
All right, put it on the bed and try not to wrinkle it.
Today we'll have all of the TV-stations and must look good.
You can go, Gara.
February 9, 1960: arrested for the sad facts of Via di Panico.
July 16, 1960, Anzio: reported for corruption of minors.
November 18, 1961: reported for assault with a deadly weapon.
Over 30 cases has the man had against him and he always came out innocent.
Everything went up in smoke.
But, gentlemen, where there's smoke, there's fire.
On the 2nd of February 1976, ...the Juvenile Court composed of
Dr. Alfredo Carlo Moro, President, Dr. Giuseppe Psalm, Judge
Dr. Matteo Guarino, court fees, Dr. Maria Grazia Milone, Honorary Judge.
With intervention of the Public Ministry, represented by... the prosecutor, Dr. Giuseppe Santarsiero and with the assistance of the Subscribed Chancellor, Dr. Roberto Carnevali, meets the Board of Hearing, to discuss the criminal case of the preliminary investigation against
Giuseppe Pelosi, accused.
The defendant is assisted by Attorney Rocco Mangia.
The civil Court, Susanna Pasolini, has already been established and represented by their lawyers, Antonio Marazzita and Guido Calvi.
Being a minor, the case will take place behind closed doors.
I confirm everything I said and I have nothing to add.
It couldn't been said better.
...but I have some questions.
Ah, yes. 
Sorry, president, could I...
The defendant requests that his mother leaves... the room during questioning.
The Court accepts this request.
Please, ma'am. 
The will call you, as soon as possible.
When you went to the Piazza, to the kiosk, did you know that there were men, who...?
Yes, I knew.
And that night, had you planned to go with any of these men?
Yes.
Have you had done it before?
- No, never.
That night was the first time.
Because I needed the money.
Important needs, I guess.
I needed it for a car.
Was there any other reason to behave in this way?
Some guys do it as a women, but I wanted to do it as a man.
I wanted to see if doing it with a man would disgust me.
And your reaction came when you were asked for oral sex?
I resisted at first.
- But this is absurd.
Then why did you go with the man?
And why did you not say this in previous hearings?
Mr President, he is trying to intimidate the defendant.
Attorney Mangia, I assure you that
I wouldn't allow this. 
Please sit down.
Do you understand the question? 
Why do you say now that you resisted?
What's wrong if I agree first and then change my mind?
I left the car and I thought it was over.
I only got into his car, to see what it was like.
He came after me and started to touch me.
I told him to stop because I did not want to do it as a woman.
He picked up a piece of wood and wanted to... use it on me. 
I said: 'Are you crazy?
'
Then he started to beat me with that stick.
I kicked him and tried to run away.
He ran after me and jumped on top of me.
He kept beating me, I grabbed the stick and started to hit him.
But then the stick broke.
I pulled some wood off the fence and hit him on the head with force.
I was in shock, with my face and hands covered with blood.
I could not see anything. 
So I got into his car and drove off.
If you were together at a restaurant, you must have talked, right?
He was speaking.
- About what?
I don't know? 
Where he worked, where he lived;... which school he went to and things like that.
Was it nice?
- Yes, it was.
It was nice at that time.
But later, when you left the Idroscalo, what happened then?
In your previous interviews, you said that he seemed to have crazy eyes.
What did you mean by that?
I repeat the question.
- I understood the question.
I don't know?
Have you heard? 
You know what they've done these idiots?
What?
After the meeting the other day, they raided the bar where I was researching.
Arrested ten people who had nothing to do with it.
They spoiled six months of my work.
Yes, because...
Because they're idiots and Fuckheads.
Who finds the fascists and those from Marseille now?
Calm down.
They took me off the case. 
I have been transferred. 
They call it a promotion.
Because I found a picture of Braciola, the friend of Pelosi.
He's on here. 
But you'll have to find him yourself.
It could be a good clue.
Why do you do that?
I don't handle this case any longer.
I too have been 'upgraded'.
Why have you told of this?
This is only a hypothesis.
Perhaps. 
No one else would have said it. 
It had to be me.
Do you think that perhaps some of... the extreme right, linked to the underground, would have...?
I do not believe anything.
I have given the information as is.
You have to do the thinking.
Are you saying they interfered with the research?
I have to go. 
Goodbye.
Good luck.
No, Pier Paolo never removed his glasses.
Not even at home. 
Not for a moment.
You can assume that he wouldn't have left his car without wearing them.
Do you recognize this jersey and these in-soles?
No, the jersey is not Pier Paolos.
I don't know to whom it belongs.
Could they not have been in the car for a longer time?
I washed the car the day before.
That same afternoon, Pier Paolo came back.
I'm sure that they were not there.
Maybe they were in the trunk.
- Absolutely not.
I also cleaned the trunk and there was no jersey or in-soles.
But do they belong to the boy?
No, not to him.
We've checked.
I did not want to kill him.
He forced me to.
I did not want to kill him.
It was an accident.
Silence.
Can you tell us where exactly you found this jersey?
On the back seat, I think.
But the investigating experts say they found it in the trunk.
It is possible that someone has moved it.
Please try to be as accurate as possible.
It does matter if the thing was in the trunk or back seat.
In the trunk, it could be simply cloth.
But in the back seat, since it didn't belonged to the victim... or the accused, we could assume that, Maybe there was... a third person in the car.
It was on the back seat.
- Thanks. 
You can go.
Are you Pugliese?
- And who are you?
We have an appointment.
- I don't think so.
Don't you have an appointment with Braciole?
Is it you?
- Sure. 
And my brother, Bracioletta.
Go to hell.
- You go to hell. 
What's all this?
I have a job to be done and I need 2 guys.
And they sent two amateurs.
You are amateur. 
Do you understand?
- Do not worry.
Listen, let's leave it.
- Wait. 
Not so fast.
How much money are we talking?
Ten grand a head.
But only if you can work this.
Do you think I'm afraid?
Bye. 
Come back when you're a little older.
Who do you think you're talking to?
You are talking to the Pasolini killers.
What do you mean?
If you want someone like Pasolini killed, you need me Motherfucker.
Who would call you?
- And why the fuck do you care?
What the hell do I care?
What are you doing, dammit.
Hey, put the gun down.
I knew he was an under-cover cop.
Signed 'Braciola'.
Did you write this?
Why? 
Is it forbidden to write a friend in jail?
So you know Pelosi well.
- So what?
Here you talk about a mutual friend a certain Johnny, 'The Gipsy'.
What about Jonny?
He killed to steal a watch.
He has confessed to it.
Johnny is not bad. 
It's just, that night he was a little stoned.
Perhaps he was too high when he lent a hand to Pelosi.
I told you everything is a lie.
So why did you tell the police, that you killed Pasolini that night?
I don't know. 
Because...
What do you mean 'because?
'
I did nothing. 
I only said it for, well, to be important.
And now?
Why did you retract everything?
Mom, go away. 
I don't want you to be in the newspapers.
Take a photo of me. 
I am more handsome than Pino.
Nothing so far differs... even slightly from Pino Pelosi's version.
None of the three friends' versions... differ from Stazione's, only that they lied about arriving in a car they thought was stolen.
Media revelations only created confusion.
This latest farce of the two brothers to criminalised themselves... is just as important to their fellow adventurers.
May I ask, Mr. President, can we now go to what really matters?
Let us establish for once and for all... whether or not it was homicide.
Let's see if Pelosi is immature, or are we wasting our time?
Indeed, Mr. President, for this purpose, ...here is the psychiatric report of the civil court.
I submit this to this Court.
According to our expert, Pelosi must be regarded as immature.
We could have stopped to let this report out.
But, look, Mr. President, we believe what we can learn from Pier Paolo was his passionate love for truth.
We would be of disservice to his memory, if we settled for less.
We disagree with the evaluation of our expert... but we would be wrong if we did not submit that report.
The Alfa Romeo 2000 GT was standing next to the fence by the football field.
This is the area of the incident.
A wide open area, as you can see.
Here at this point, about 70 meters away, Pasolini's body was found.
But it was here, next to the car, where the first attack took place.
And it was here where his shirt was found.
In the first phase, Pasolini was violently beaten on the head and the wounds begin to bleed abundantly.
This is proofed by the blood found on the shirt.
Look at it. 
It's not torn anywhere.
If Pasolini himself took the shirt off during the attack.
We would have found clogged blood.
What could have caused a blood-loss of this magnitude?
If we believe Pelosi's testimony, that this plank, which is marked 'Buttinelli', ...giving us the name of the owner of this house came from the exact point where the body was found.
Pelosi himself admitted that this plank... was only used at the end of fight.
The only other heavy object he admits to having used... is this.
A fragile stick which would have been destroyed after the first strike.
So how can a stick of this size cause such serious injury?
It is impossible.
Therefore, it is logical at the first phase, another heavy object... or another aggressor had to be present to carry out those blows.
The wounds found on Pasolini's head, ...are in an area largely supplied by capillaries, ... and would usually cause a haemorrhage, ...in which blood gushes violently outwards every time the heart pumps.
So at the end of what Pelosi calls man-to-man fight Pasolini's body was completely covered with blood and mud.
Pino Pelosi, however, at the time of his arrest didn't have a trace of Pasolini's blood on him,
There was only blood on this sweater.
He had traces of his own blood on his shirt... and some stains of Pasolini's blood on the right leg of his pants.
Nothing else.
- But I had a cut here.
Yes, indeed, ...the boy had a small head injury, but this injury was a clean cut without abrasion or bruising.
A wound, which could not have been produced by a stick or wooden board.
And now?
- Very simple.
When chased by the police car,...
Pelosi was forced to stop abruptly.
During the impact, he hit his head against the roof, ...which indeed was found stained with his blood.
So, what are you saying?
- Silence.
The accused is not allowed to interrupt.
You may only speak when asked.
Go on, professor.
Pelosi's version of events seem therefore unlikely true.
How is it possible to cause Pasolini's injuries with a plank of rotted wood?
How is it possible that after this dramatic man-to-man fight, he described he was not covered in blood and mud?
I had a wash at the fountain.
If this was true, then at the time of arrest, he would have been soaked.
There is no mention of that in the police report.
This is outrages. 
It was like I said.
We have already heard your statement.
If you continue to interrupt, I will remove you from this Court.
I apologise, Mr. Chairman, it will not happen again.
So far it seems possible for us to outline, ...a reconstruction on those facts.
Shortly after midnight,
Pier Paolo Pasolini and Pino Pelosi arrive at Idroscalo by car.
The car stops at the bottom of the football field.
They start talking.
The writer takes off his glasses and puts them down in the car, ...which we later found there.
Pelosi also places a pack of cigarettes and lighter there.
But these, inexplicably, were not found.
It is then when oral sex took place.
Then, Pelosi says he left the car and was followed by Pasolini.
...He says: 'just to have a look.'
For what?
It is total darkness and Pasolini didn't put his glasses back on, which, according to his cousin Graziella Chiarcossi, he never took off.
Everything indicates that the writer did not leave the car by his own choice, ...but was pulled out by force and with extreme violence.
Pasolini is wounded and bleeding heavily.
But he is still alive and in a position to remove his shirt to protect his wounds.
If they only wanted to teach him a lesson, this would have been enough.
But this was only the beginning of a massacre.
The autopsy revealed, Pasolini testicles were violently traumatised and bruised.
If this trauma had occurred in the first phase, as Pelosi claimed it would have prevented Pasolini from any defence reaction.
Not allowing him therefore to get up, take off his shirt and walk about 70 meters.
I ask you now to put your attention on this photo.
This photo was not available to my colleagues who did a previous autopsy.
I leave it up to you to decide on the reasons... for this incredible omission.
I can only say that the omission of this photo... has led my colleagues to miss out... on the injuries inflicted by the car.
If they had studied this photo they would have realised that Pelosi's statement... did not respond to the truth.
Look carefully at this.
These marks of the left tire clearly show what happened to the poet's body.
And to clear any doubt, I asked a car tyre expert.
As you can see they match.
Therefore, the car ran over Pasolini.
It didn't follow this track, ...then it could have been accidental.
Instead it continued here.
And why did the car make this absurd curve?
Because the driver wanted to crush the body?
I do not know if that was what Pino Pelosi wanted.
I do not know if he was driving the car at the time of the collision, ...but the murderer was.
Pelosi was there and his participation is certain.
He says he stopped at a fountain to wash the blood off his hands.
Why then, hasn't the steering wheel of the car been stained?
He said that Pasolini's blood on the roof of the car were left by his bloody hands.
But he forgot that the stains were found in the passenger's and not the driver's side.
Only two scenarios are possible.
Either Pelosi's hands were stained... with blood from the passengers side while someone else was driving.
Or an accomplice with bloody hands sat in the passenger's seat while Pelosi, whose hands were not blood-stained, was driving the car.
In either case it seems clear that someone else, who had participated in the aggression, ....must have got into the car with Pelosi.
Not true. 
Not true.
- Quiet or you'll leave the court.
I maintain that the thorough examination of all evidence, ...the club, table, clothes and Pasolini's injuries, ...invalidate Pelosi's story, and show what really happened.
We have to conclude this case on the basis that Pasolini was the victim of a crime involving several persons.
It's a conspiracy. 
A conspiracy.
They have invented everything.
Everything.
This is outrageous.
A farce.
I don't know how to thank you for all you've done and going to continue to do.
But, I don't know how to explain, ...I feel such a loss and much less strong.
It happened to all of us. 
We all have lost something priceless.
Indeed Guido, something priceless.
What if the Court requests a Civil trial?
They will calculated the damages.
And how much was Pier Paolo's life worth?
What do you do, Graziella?
I don't want anything from Pelosi.
That's how I feel.
Pier Paolo would have been horrified.
We can ask for 1 lira.
Just symbolic, to allowing us to continue the case.
Graziella is right. 
We have given the Court all the evidence needed.
And it makes no sense to ask for compensation.
Do not ask anything. 
We don't have to explain our decision.
This is important.
- But it is a huge risk.
If we retreat now, we can't be present in later phases of trial.
Nor can we appeal, in case the sentence is unjust.
Wait a minute.
Yes, sure.
We don't participate any longer or make our voice heard.
That's a risk we must take.
Instead be the voice of Pier Paolo:
...his books, his ideas.
Try to do what he had done.
Is this what you meant?
We want Pelosi convicted.
But his penalty will be insignificant and it is impossible to evaluate because Pelosi is subjected to this Juvenile Court.
While Pasolinis memory belongs to all of us, because it belongs to another reality.
With these words, Mr. President, the family of Pasolini like to inform of their intends to withdraw their participation of the... civil court and doesn't ask for any compensation.
In our view, execution of the murder and the plurality of the executing have been demonstrated.
But we can, ...from the moment we decide to abandon this process, ...remember what we all lost the night of November 2, 1975.
That night, in which the heart of Pier Paolo Pasolini stopped beating;
...his eyes to reveal and his conscience to judge.
Do you have a light?
Pasolini has been defined many times as a provocateur.
Perhaps because in recent times he had intensified his interventions, ...acting more decidedly against his opponents, ...increasing his list of friends but above all, those who were his enemies.
And I will read here what Pier Paolo wrote on November 14, 1974.
I know the name of the responsible for the tragedy in Milan the December 12, 1969.
I know the names of those who are responsible for the tragedies... in Brescia and Bologna in 1974...
I know the names of those who have given the orders... to the generals, the young neo-fascist and the common criminals.
I know all names and all facts and all attacks... against the aforementioned.
I know, but I have no evidence.
In the same way we know all who are behind this crime, ...those who ordered and executed Pasolini's murder.
As the crowd said Goodbye to him with pain and anger, at his funeral.
That crowd knew and knows it.
But like us, they don't have any evidence.
The Court.
Today, on April 26, 1976, ...the Court accepted the fact that Pelosi actually made... the crimes he was charged with.
I accordance with articles 483 and 488, the Court declares Giuseppe Pelosi, guilty for voluntary manslaughter, together with others unknown.
And considering him mature and therefore fully liable, ...convicted and sentenced to 9 years 7 months and 10 days in jail.
9 years? 
Are you crazy?
THE PUBLIC PROSECUTOR DOES NOT ACCEPT...
'TOGETHER WITH OTHERS UNKNOWN'
This is an extremely serious fact and it changes everything.
The prosecution does not oppose the verdict, only 'with others unknown.'
That is precisely the point. 
The boy is of nobody's interest.
What is not acceptable is the participation of others.
The Attorney General is entitled to oppose a non-convincing sentence.
But if it hadn't been published... no-one would be expected to know the reasons.
Why the rush?
There's no explanation?
- The explanation is simple.
The Tribunal was so convinced of the presence of... others they have changed the original charges.
Pelosi is not only guilty of murder, but of collaboration with strangers.
But how? 
This is something that involves opening new research.
It seems clear that they do not want to make further inquiries.
And why would that be so bad?
- Because the version of Pelosi, ...the poor boy who kills a degenerate, suits many.
Who are they?
Look, I do not know who killed Pasolini.
There could have been all kinds:
robbers, kidnappers, ...fascists who wanted to teach a lesson or maybe some of those who had been charged.
All the powerful and well known corrupt politicians, whom he accused.
Advocate, don't be childish.
Do you really think someone from the top would be able to order Pasolini's death?
It was not necessary.
There are crimes that have impunity.
There is such a hostility around the victim, ...that one is able to escape unpunished.
Then, there is no doubt and there is a plot... to silence the voice of an opponent.
Quite the contrary.
I do not have any truth.
You are the ones who have doubts.
So you are convinced that there can appear things... so greasy, that challenges the sentence... to avoid further investigations.
You think that it may involve fascist Secret Service or someone even higher.
It is not me who thinks so, you are.
THE CONVICTION OF PELOSI WAS CONFIRMED
IN APPEAL AND ABROGATION.
THE PRESENCE OF UNKNOWN WAS CONSIDERED 'IMPROBABLE'.
NEVER MADE NEW RESEARCH.
'Intelligence will never have weight ever, '...for the trial of this public opinion.
'Even on the blood of concentration camps, you get... '...one of the millions of souls our nation... '...a fair trial, full indignation.
'Every idea is unrealistic and every passion is unreal, '...to this separated nation for centuries, '...whose mild wisdom lets them to live, but never be released.
'To show my face and my fragility, ...or raise my voice only, childish, no longer makes sense.
'Cowardice has accustomed us to see others to die in the most terrible way, '...with a strange indifference.
'I'm dying and it hurts me'.
THIS FILM IS DEDICATED TO ELIO BALLETTI, FRANCO BORNI
AND VITTORIO MEZZOGIORNO

Subtitles: 
Jury.Duty.1995.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H264-HAi (HI Removed, lines edited) by Nailme. 
Go! 
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I got the back!
Moving in!
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Hey.
Hi.
Let's go back to my place and curdle.
Eww!
Ugh! 
Go!
Okay, boys, the votes are in.
Read it and weep.
I made it, I made it.
Congrats.
We're gonna be dancers.
Let me through.
I'm gonna call Mother.
"Adonis, Thor, Sgt. O'Tool, Goliath, Zeus, the Cream..."
Huh?
Excuse me.
I don't understand what happened.
I mean, I was good, right?
Kid, you were too good.
But I got personality!
Personality?
Unfortunately, uh, that's not what the people are paying for.
A kid like you, you're special.
You could do anything.
What about fast foods?
It's too greasy.
Post office?
Too dangerous.
You ever fill in potholes?
Too labor-intensive.
What about giving sperm?
Also too labor-intensive.
Yeah, you're right.
Well, thanks for trying to hook me up here at the International Beefcake House, Uncle Sal.
Hey, what's family for, huh?
Get over here.
Huh? 
Who loves you more than your Uncle Sal?
All right, goodbye.
Personality!
Oh, well, Peanut, some things just aren't meant to be.
What else is there? "We pay big bucks for your dog.
"Animal Lab Testing Corporation." Don't worry, Peanut, I wouldn't do that to you again. 
Rightbehindme , CarlWayneBishop, theaccusedDrive-ThruKiller, sitsalone inhis6by8 solitarycell. 
Coincidentally,thecellisroughlythesizeof  hisoldworkspace.
Buttherearenoburgers, nofries,no frostyshakes.
Justanaccusedserialkillerandhisconscience, awaitingtrialby jury.
12bravecitizens ridingshotgunfor...
Wakey, wakey.
Eggs and bacey.
Rise and shine, puddin'.
Wake up, Tommy.
Mom, it's not noon yet.
Oh, I brewed you some fresh coffee.
Uh.
But, Mom, that'll keep me up all day.
Puddin', tell me, what happened with your job interview?
I must have been fast asleep when you came in.
What job interview?
The one at the dairy.
Well, Mom, it didn't really happen.
I didn't get the job.
Ah.
That's all right, puddin'.
It's okay.
It's dangerous being a milkman.
I saw a whole program on it on cable television.
I'll find something, Ma.
You just don't worry.
Oh, look no further, Mr. District Attorney.
What's this?
A jury duty notice?
My son, the lawyer.
Ma, it pays $5 a day, okay?
Look, look at me.
I got stuff to do.
Yes, but...
I heard that when the trial is important, they sequester the jury in very posh hotels.
Hey, Ma, what could be better than this? Tommy, you just threw away your entire future.
Mom, honey-face, snookum-pie,
I'll find something.
Hearye,hearye! 
Hey, Ma, look!
HarrytheHotTub King isslashingallprices.
That'sright.
Thewidestselection.
Idemandit .
Thefinest...
Hey, Mom, look.
Safe sex. 
Oh, I...
I have to finish dressing. 
Hey, Jed.
Hi.
I got two words for you, son.
Polystyrene.
It's like white gold, Tommy.
It's everywhere.
People are throwing this stuff away, right and left, treating it like the plague.
But south of the border, they can't get enough of it.
So, here's what we do.
We find it, clean it, ship it. 
Bingo.
Easy village, huh?
Right.
Come here, I want to show you something. 
Come on.
Look. 
Look, what do you see?
A truck full of shit.
No, Tommy.
That's the future.
This stuff is light as a feather.
And the best part of it is, they pay you by the pound.
Wow! 
Then you must be making a fortune.
Yeah.
Ta da! 
I'm ready.
Where are we going?
Uh, Vegas.
Oh, great!
Peanut loves craps.
Siegfried and Peanuts.
You didn't tell him?
I knew there was something I forgot.
Okay, you guys, we are ready.
Tommy, um...
Your mom and I are going to Las Vegas to get married.
Alone. 
Wait a minute.
Where are you guys gonna stay?
Honey, we'll be back before you know it.
It's gonna be a very quick honeymoon, right, Jed?
But, Mom, where will Peanut and I eat, sleep, and watch TV?
They're gonna take very good care of you.
I made arrangements for you to stay at the Woodalls.
Bye, puddin'. 
The Woodalls?
Oh.
Come on, Tommy.
We won't hurt you. 
Court is in session.
Thanks for the ride, Uncle Morty.
Say hi to your mom for me.
Whoa! 
Look at that erect building.
Okay, Peanut.
Take a deep breath.
Remember, we go to different courtrooms until they find the trial that's right for us.
And the trial that's right for us is a very long one where we get to stay in a hotel for free, not to mention $5 a day.
You got that, Peanut? Hola,senorita.
It's, uh, pretty impressive, eh?
Yeah, S and M. Kinky.
You here for jury duty?
Oh, yeah. 
You?
I couldn't get out of it, at least not yet.
Give me a hand.
Just around the head?
I'm kind of faking a head wound.
Excuse me. 
Are you two here for jury duty?
Yeah!
Yeah.
You couldn't get out of it?
At least not yet.
I'm still trying, though.
I know.
Hey, look, it's the juice!
Run, O.J., run!
Ahh!
It was a security guard.
Hey, maybe I can help you.
Yeah?
Yeah. 
I got an idea.
"ThePeople versusRobertTrenton."
The defendant is accused of embezzling $2,000.
This trial shouldn't last more than a day or two.
Three days at most.
Bob, is that you?
Who's this?
I don't know who he is.
Bobby Trenton?
You know the defendant?
Know him?
We cheated our way through high school together, didn't we, Bobby?
Remember we had that thing with the hands, right here.
Then when we put the thing on the...
And you slammed...
It hurt your right there.
Excused.
This trial should move quite swiftly.
Dr. Maurice Gaines, an orthopedic surgeon has been accused of malpractice.
Murderer!
I don't know.
I mean, call me crazy, but I believe a man has the right to protect his family.
Say hello to Manson for me.
Ee-eee-eee!
You're out of order!
No, you're out of order!
This whole court is out of order!
Bring him in. 
Order! 
Order!
The defendant, Carl Wayne Bishop is accused of multiple counts of murder.
This trial will be a very long and involved one.
If you are selected as a juror, you will be sequestered in a hotel.
Unfortunately, your lives will be disrupted.
Your relationships and jobs will have to be put on hold.
It will be a true test of your commitment to our judicial system.
Mr. Collins, do you have any preconceived notions about the Drive-Thru Killer?
Drive-Thru who?
Don't tell me you've never heard of Carl Wayne Bishop?
No, I can't say I have.
I'm not one for television.
Poisons the mind.
It's too biased.
Nobody tells the truth.
And quite frankly, the truth, well, that's all I'm interested in.
They picked a jury!
They picked a jury!
They're serving tuna salad for lunch!
Tuna salad for lunch!
The jury for this highly-charged and sensitive murder trial has been chosen.
Presently, the jurors are departing the courthouse for an undisclosed location.
Sir, over here! 
Do you know where they are taking you?
Will you be allowed to see your families?
Did you try the tuna salad?
Fear not, citizens.
Justice will be served.
You're in good hands! 
Aah!
Ow!
What? 
I had the exact change.
Sit down.
Okay. 
Breaker,1-2.
Breaker,1-2.
Goodafternoon, ladiesandgentlemen, andwelcometo JusticeTours! I'mJurorNumber6.
Number 6, sit down!
Dowehaveany jurors fromoutof town?
Great.
Wouldyouliketotellussomething aboutyourself?
Mynameis Jorge,and Ireceived mycitizenshiphere inthisgreatcountry, onemonthago!
Iamso proudtobehere. 
Andyoucaneven drinkourwater. 
Number 6, sit down!
Shh!
Youguys,everybodystaycalm .
I'vejustbeeninformed there'sa bombon thebus .
It'ssetto go offifweexceedthespeed of10milesanhour .
Sit down! Aah! 
Ow. 
All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your hotel.
When you're not here, you'll be in the courtroom.
When not in the courtroom, you'll be here.
Please do not discuss any aspect of the trial with each other or anyone else.
That means friends, family, the media.
What about Ricki Lake?
Welcome to the Holiday Suites Hotel, where every day is a holiday.
Eh, pretty nice joint you got here.
Beautiful, beautiful.
Actually, you'll be staying in the historic wing. 
The emergency exits are at the end of the hallways.
And the ice machine is located just across the street at the gas station.
You'll be staying two to a vintage suite.
Jurors 7 and 12, in suite 503.
I'm 12.
I'm 7.
And, let's see, we have jurors 2 and 9 in suite 504.
What are you doing?
We're bunkies, see?
In case of emergency, call... ?
You.
Really?
Oh, that is so sweet!
Oh, gosh. 
I love you.
Okay, insurance?
Yeah, check it.
Definitely gonna want some of that!
You don't have insurance?
Why? 
How much will this cost?
X-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars!
-What'll we do?
-There's not much we can do.
Unless I use yours.
Now wait a second.
Who did I just put as my "in case of emergency" person?
That's insurance fraud.
All right then, forget it.
Might as well just go home.
-Okay, come here. 
I hate this.
-Thank you. 
I love you.
I'm gonna need a new set of these forms.
Why?
I am really an idiot!
I was filling out my friend's form... 
... andinsteadof putting her information... 
... Iputmine.
You are an idiot.
Yep, that's me.
I am that stupid.
I had a dream that I was playing football with my kid.
That's nice.
No, no. 
With him.
I'm on this field, and they hike me the baby.
I've gotta do something because the Tampa Bay team's coming right at me!
Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Right, but... 
... itisjustmeandthebaby, so I'm thinking they can take us.
And so, I... 
... Ijustheaveitdownfield!
What are you, crazy?
That's a baby!
He should take the sack?
Anyway... 
... suddenlyI 'mdownfield.
And I realize that I'm the one who's suppose to catch him, right?
Only I know I'm not gonna get there in time.
So I am running and I'm running... 
... andthatis whenIwoke up.
See, I am so not ready to be a father.
Hey, you're gonna be fine.
You're one of the most caring, responsible men in North America.
You're gonna make a great dad.
Yeah, Ross. 
You and the baby just need better blocking.
Have you ever been to the Rainbow Room? 
Is it expensive?
Only if you order stuff.
I'm taking Ursula tonight.
It's her birthday.
-What about Phoebe's birthday?
-When's that?
Tonight.
Man, what are the odds of that happening?
You take your time.
There it is!
What'll you do?
What can I do? 
I don't want to screw it up with Ursula.
And your friend, Phoebe?
If she's my friend, she'll understand.
Wouldn't you guys?
If you tried that on my birthday... 
... you'dbestaringat the business end of a hissy fit.
An added pinch of saffron makes all the difference.
Monica?
Yes?
Yes, she is.
This is my friend, Rachel.
Hi, I'm Dr. Mitchell.
And I'm his friend, Dr. Rosen.
Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?
Excuse me?
God, young, young.
I meant young.
Young to be a doctor.
-Good, Rach.
-Thank you.
He said it was a sprain, and that was it.
You left out the stupid part.
It's not stupid.
The very cute doctors asked us out for tomorrow night, and I said yes.
I think it's totally insane.
They work for the hospital.
It's like returning to the scene of the crime.
-I say we blow off the dates.
-What? 
Monica, they are cute.
They are doctors. 
Cute doctors.
Doctors who are cute.
All right, what have we learned so far?
Oh, God.
Surprise!
What are you doing?
You scared the crap out of me!
-Was that the cake?
-Yeah.
I got a lemon schmush.
Come on.
She'll be here any minute.
I hope it's okay.
"Happy Birthday, Peehee. "
Maybe we can make a "B" out of a rose.
Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools.
-What's going on?
-We just--
Surprise!
This is so great!
This was not at all scary.
Hi, everybody. 
Hi, Betty!
Betty, hi!
You found Betty!
Oh, my gosh! 
This is so great.
Everybody I love is in the same room.
Where's Joey?
Did you see Betty?
I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried tomato business.
Years ago, if somebody'd said, "Here's a tomato that looks like a prune" ... 
... I'dhavesaid, "Get out of my office! "
Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
I'm not freaking out!
I'm just saying... 
... ifsomeonehadcometome  with the idea--
I'm talking about the whole baby thing.
Did you ever get this sort of... 
... panicky," Oh,myGod,I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing?
Your mother did the work.
I was busy with the business.
I wasn't around that much.
Is that what this is about?
No, no. 
I was just wondering.
There's time to make up for that.
We can do stuff together.
You always wanted to go to colonial Williamsburg. 
How about we do that?
Thanks, Dad, really.
You know, I just, I just... . 
I just needed to know... 
... whendidyoustart to feel like a father?
Well, I guess it must have been the day after you were born.
We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep... 
... andtheybroughtyou in and gave you to me.
You were this ugly little red thing!
And all of a sudden, you grabbed my finger with your whole fist... 
... andyousqueezedit...
... sotight.
And that's when I knew.
So you don't want to go to Williamsburg?
We can go to Williamsburg.
Eat your fish.
Rachel, the cute doctors are here!
Okay, coming.
Hi, come on in.
Hey, Michael, Jeffrey.
We brought wine.
Look at this. 
It's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine.
-How could we resist?
-That's great!
-So, Monica, how's the ankle?
-It's... . 
Why don't you tell them?
After all, it is your ankle.
It's feeling a lot better.
Thank you.
Why don't you guys sit down, and we'll get you some glasses.
Stat!
Listen, why don't we just tell them who we really are?
-I think it'll be fine.
-It will not. 
We'll get in trouble.
Would you stop being such a wuss!
A wuss? 
Excuse me for living in the real world.
-So?
-So they still seem normal.
Because they are.
When we go out with women we meet at the hospital--
Would you relax?
Take a look around.
There are no pagan altars.
No piles of bones in the corners.
They're fine. 
Go like this:
We are not going to do it, okay?
Sometimes you can be such a big baby!
-I am not a baby.
-Be serious.
-You get uptight-- 
-You act like a princess.
You know what? 
You know what?
Every day you are becoming more and more like your mother.
Excuse me.
Here we go.
This is a great place.
How long have you lived here?
Thanks. 
I've been here about six years.
And Rachel moved in a few months ago.
See, I was supposed to get married... 
... butI lefttheguy atthealtar .
Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but... 
... hey,that'sme !
Why don't you try the hummus?
Monica, what do you do?
I am a chef at a restaurant uptown.
Good for you.
Yeah, it is.
Mostly because I get to boss people around, which I just love to do.
Well, this hummus is great.
God bless the chickpea.
Oh, God!
I am so spoiled!
That's it.
And have I mentioned that back in high school... 
... Iwasacow ?
I used to wet my bed.
I use my breasts to get other people's attention.
We both do that!
Monica and Rachel's apartment.
Just one second.
Rachel, it's your dad.
Hi, Dad.
No, no. 
It's me.
Listen, Dad, I can't talk right now.
But there's something... . 
There's something I've been meaning to tell you.
Excuse me.
Remember back in freshman year?
Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed.
Daddy... . 
Why? 
Why would I sleep with Billy Dreskin?
His father tried to put you out of business!
You are dead!
Ross, he's got the remote again.
Good.
Maybe he can switch it back.
Maybe not.
Hold on a second and let me just check and see if she's here.
It's the woman from the hospital.
There's a problem with the form.
Oh, God, what do we do?
Just find out what they want.
Okay. 
No, you do it.
Hello. 
This is Monica.
Yes, we'll be right down.
Thank you.
We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms.
-You're right, this wasn't worth it.
-Thank you.
Let me just change.
Trouble?
Your sister stood me up the other night.
Oh, no. 
Don't you hate it when people aren't there for you?
-Did you try calling her?
-I've been trying for two days.
When I called the restaurant, they said she was busy.
I can't believe she's blowing me off!
You got a minute?
Yeah, I'm just working.
I got you a birthday present.
Wow, you remembered!
It's a Judy Jetson thermos.
Like the kind you--
Right.
Oh, I got something for you too.
How'd you know I was coming?
Yeah, twin thing.
I can't believe you did this.
I can't believe you... 
... didthis!
So what's the deal with you and Joey?
Oh, right.
He is so great.
But that's over.
-Does he know?
-Who?
Joey. 
You know, he's really nutsy about you.
He is? 
Why?
You got me.
Excuse me... 
... doesn'tthiscome with a side salad?
So are you gonna call him?
-You think he likes me?
-No. 
Joey.
No, no. 
He is so smart.
He'll figure it out.
Do you want some chicken?
No, no.
No food with a face, remember?
You have not changed.
Yeah, you too.
Hi! 
Remember us?
You just called about needing a signature on the admissions form?
Well, it turns out we need a whole new one.
Because, you see... 
... Iputthewrongname again.
-Because-- 
-You're that stupid!
I am. 
I'm that stupid!
And I'm just gonna pay for this with a check.
Your insurance will cover that.
Yeah, I know.
I'm just not that bright either.
Okay, worst case scenario:
Say you never feel like a father.
Say your son never feels connected to you as one.
Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
Do you have a point?
You know, you'd think I would.
What's up with the simian?
It's just a fur ball.
Whose turn is it?
Yours. 
I got 43 points for "kidney. "
No, you got zero points for "idney. "
I had a "K. " Where's my "K"?
You've got to help me!
My monkey swallowed a "K" !
Get that animal out of here!
The animal hospital is across town.
He's choking!
-What is it?
-Marcel swallowed a Scrabble tile.
Excuse me.
This hospital is for people!
He is people!
He has a name, okay?
He watches Jeopardy!
... ... hetoucheshimself when nobody's watching.
Please have a heart.
-I'll take a look at him.
-Thank you.
-Michael!
-Rachel.
-What?
-Monica.
Urs!
I've been trying to call you.
Listen... . 
Don't say "listen. " I know that "listen. " I've said that "listen. "
I'm sorry.
I don't get it.
What happened?
What about what you said under the bridge?
Forget about what I said under the bridge.
I was talking crazy that night.
I was so drunk.
You don't drink.
That's right, I don't.
But I was drunk on you.
But it's not gonna work.
Why? 
Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe?
If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?
No, I couldn't do that.
Then, yeah, it's because of Phoebe.
So you know, it's either her or me.
Then I'm sorry.
You're gonna be really hard to get over.
I know.
I don't know whether it's just because we're breaking up or what... 
... butyou'venever looked so beautiful.
Really?
Pheebs?
He looks so tiny.
-We just got the message.
-Is he okay?
The doctor got the "K" out.
He also found an "M" and an "O. "
We think he was trying to spell out "monkey. "
The doctor says he'll be fine.
He's just sleeping now.
So you feel like a dad yet?
No. 
Why?
Come on, you came through.
You did what you had to do.
That's very "dad. "
He's waking up.
Hey, fella.
How you doing?

[SIREN WAILING]
[PANTING]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[WHOOSHING]
Freeze!
Nick?
[GUNSHOTS]
[CRIES OUT]
[GROANING]
Schank!
[WHOOSHING]
[GRUNTS]
[SIRENS WAILING]
[¶]
NARRATOR:
He was brought across in 1228.
Preyed on humans for their blood.
Now, he wants to be mortal again...
To repay society for his sins...
To emerge from his world of darkness...
From his endless forever night.
[GROWLS]
[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
Since when did the Academy start teaching cops to fly?
It's not humanly possible that you were there before me.
Schank?
What?
Listen to me.
Look at me.
What?
[HEART BEATING]
Forget what you saw.
You didn't see anyone or anything flying.
Do you understand?
I understand.
Now, let's get out of here.
You're going to drop me off and take my car for the day.
See if you can get it washed.
[BEATING STOPS]
Listen, you were right in my line of fire.
I can't believe you did that--
It's lucky you're a crack shot.
[EXASPERATED SIGH]
You okay with this now?
The shoot?
It was him or me, Nick.
I had to take him down.
No, I mean emotionally, Schank.
Yeah, it was a piece of cake with a rose on it.
Sun's coming up.
I've got to get home.
I'll drop you off.
How are you going to do that, huh?
I mean, your car's in the shop.
How are you going to get home?
I'll take the Caddy, and I'll drop you off at home, and I'll pick you up at work tonight.
Oh, hell, I'll even wash it for you.
Oh, that sounds like a good deal.
You drive.
I'll ride.
In the trunk.
In the trunk?
Come on, Nick, you're not that allergic to sunshine.
A tad will do you good.
What's a little sunburn?
Listen, I don't tan, I don't burn.
I implode.
Do you mind, Schank?
[CLOSES TRUNK]
SCHANKE: 
You know, why don't you drive a nice, clean city car, huh?
A regular beater.
You're Joe Cool, but-- Trunk space.
Trunk space?
Mm. 
The 1962 Cadillac has more trunk space than any car made in the last 30 years.
Trunk space?
Right.
I knew that.
Whatever gets you through the day.
I took him home in the trunk of his car like he was so many groceries.
I'm telling you, Natalie, he is just too weird.
Nick has to protect himself, Schank.
Sign there.
Sometimes that means doing desperate things.
And here... and here...
and way down there.
If I sold my soul to the devil, he wouldn't make me sign so many forms.
Officer-involved shooting always means a lot more book work, Schank.
How are you doing, by the way?
Oh, you sound just like Nick.
He's worried about my emotional state.
You know, between you, me, and the lamppost,
I'm a little ticked off at the guy.
Yeah?
Listen, in all the time you've known him, have you ever had a feeling about him?
A feeling?
Yeah, like he's...
Like he's different.
A candidate for the laughing academy, perhaps?
A psycho?
Aside from the fact that I drove him home this morning in the trunk of his car,
I have the distinct thought that Nick Knight is a little too gallant under fire.
[MACHINE GUN FIRE]
Son of a--
[GRUNTS] Oh, my leg!
[PANTING]
No!
NATALIE: 
Schank.
[SIGHS]
I'm telling you, Natalie, he's getting real scary.
He acts like he's got nothing to lose.
Maybe he thinks he never can be killed or he's never going to die.
Oh, come on, he's not all that irresponsible.
He all but flew in front of my gun to make that collar, and I still don't know how he did it.
As a matter of fact,
I ride with him every night,
I put my life in his hands, and I really don't know that much about him, do I?
Look, it's been a long night, Schank.
Maybe you should go home and crash.
I do not want a partner who's an occupational safety hazard.
If he's a certifiable nutcase,
I think I deserve to know now!
Yeah.
As a matter of fact,
I'm going to start asking some hard questions, find out exactly who this Detective Nick Knight really is.
Schank, wait!
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
[RINGING]
[TAPE REWINDING]
[BEEPS]
Yeah, Nick Knight.
I'm either in bed or incommunicado--
[TAPE STOPS]
[TAPE CLICKING]
Hello?
Hello!
Nick?
[SIGHS]
[DIAL TONE HUMS]
[DIALING]
[BUSY SIGNAL BEEPING]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
SCHANKE: 
Come on, Nick.
Come on.
Answer your damn phone, Nick.
[SIGHS]
Checking up on your partner?
Yeah, he's not answering.
He knows I got it in for him.
Oh, really?
You know, he's really starting to bug me.
[CHUCKLES]
He's always got to be the first one in, first cop in on the scene.
He hits every beach like it's Normandy.
MAN: 
Shut up!
[WOMAN SCREAMING AND CRYING]
[WOMAN SOBBING]
Metro Police.
Release the girl and respond.
MAN: 
I'm going to kill her.
No!
I said I'll kill her!
[AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE]
[WOMAN SOBBING]
Shut up! 
Shut up!
Shut up!
It's gotta be a Mac-10 or an Uzi.
Back wall near the window.
He's got the girl in front of him.
Don't shoot.
You-
- You can see in there?
Try to get him to talk.
I'm going around.
Around?
Now, what the hell's "around"?
SCHANKE:
If you don't tell me what you want, how do I know what to give you?
You won't get it, you know!
I'm gonna kill her!
I have to do this.
You son of a bitch.
You have it. 
You lied to me.
I know you have it.
I know you have it.
I have it, I have it.
Just cool out.
I know you do.
No!
[GLASS SHATTERS]
You know, I must have worked 52 arrests with the guy, and he is the first cop in on the scene.
I'm Lieutenant Tortoise, he's Detective Hare.
Schanke... are you all right about last night?
I'm fine.
The guy killed a security guard in cold blood.
I'm more than fine.
Detective, I've been where you are.
Nobody's as tough as you're pretending to be right now.
Don't get all soft and runny on me, captain.
I can cope.
Nothing sticks to Teflon Don.
See me later if it hits you.
Oh, and don't forget your completed officer-involved shooting report.
We got a positive ID on your perp, by the way.
I sent some uniforms over to do the follow-up.
The follow-up?
You know, get some background, notify the family.
[SIGHS]
[GUNSHOTS]
[CRIES OUT]
Freeze!
You know, I can really see you two together.
You must have been really something once.
'Twas a very long time ago.
I know when.
In college, right?
No, actually, it was closer to the Renaissance.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
[BUZZING]
KNIGHT: 
You drive.
I'll ride.
In the trunk.
Hello?
Hello?
Janette?
Anybody home?
Yodel-ay-hee-hoo.
Aloha.
And I thought this place was spooky at night.
[ROCK MUSIC BLARING]
Want to dance?
Or, uh, maybe something else?
Well, yeah, I...
Sure, I... ¶ I need you to understand ¶
¶ I'm a lover who'd hate to see ¶
So, what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?
It's a life.
Oh.
I can't believe
I'm actually dancing to this stuff.
And what else goes with dancing?
I don't know, uh...
Dining?
[LAUGHING]
I was thinking of something else.
Oh, ho...
Honey, baby, sugar,
I think your plumbing needs a little flushing.
Don't you?
That's how I'm going to treat my patients.
[MOANS]
Take slow, easy breaths, killer.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
We don't want your blood to boil.
[PANTING]
It spoils the taste.
[GROANS]
It's okay, breathe.
[HEART BEATING]
I'm going to cure you, you macho dog.
[SNARLING]
Alma!
[STAMMERING]
Just... get out of here.
Alma's not the kind of woman that you want to play around with.
The consequences could have proved fatal.
What, you mean she might have...
I could have caught something like--
Let's just say that you would become a permanent member of the night shift.
Oh, God.
[CRIES OUT]
Never, ever... come back to this club, Mr. Schanke.
Believe me, I'm doing you a favor.
Janette?
[DOOR CREAKING]
Hello.
Hello?
[THUMP] Ow.
You knew each other in college, right?
Huh?
No, actually, it was closer to the Renaissance.
[LOW GROWL]
It can't be.
It isn't.
[CRIES OUT]
What are you doing here?
It's about Nick.
I can explain.
I'm really, really sorry, but I can explain.
[CHUCKLES]
This better be very good.
SCHANKE:
Your grandparents?
JANETTE: 
Yes.
The resemblance is amazing, isn't it?
Yeah.
So, in fact,
Nicholas is the subject of your latest investigation?
Yes.
I came to talk to you, Janette, because you're his friend.
I mean, you have some serious history.
Your families go back a hundred years.
Oh, yes.
I-
- I'm really concerned about Nick.
Something's not quite right about him, something weird.
Nicholas?
Weird, you say?
Yeah.
I mean, in all the time that you've known him, have you witnessed any sort of... bizarre things that he's done?
Any sort of suicidal behavior?
Like hijacking a city bus, for example?
Knight, what the hell?
Knight!
[BRAKES SCREECHING]
Hey, Nick!
[CARS HONKING]
All right, keep your pants on!
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Police officer.
I don't care if you're Mother Teresa on a pizza run!
I've got a busload of people here, and you almost turned them into roadkill!
Get back in the bus.
This is police business.
Back in the bus!
This is police business, isn't it?
What about my schedule?
I will--
SCHANKE: 
I remember how strange he was after.
He wouldn't talk about it at all.
I mean, he does these outlandish things, and then when I ask him questions about it, he ignores me totally, like last night.
Hmm. 
Last night?
Yeah, we got caught in a shootout downtown.
Guy wouldn't be taken alive, so I had to eighty-six him.
How many?
I had to kill him to stop him, and I almost killed Nick in the process.
Oh, dear.
Now, I had the perp cornered, right?
And Nick just flew right in there like...
Do you know anything about this "Nightcrawler" guy?
Nick's a big fan of his, and I was wondering if--
Detective Schanke... listen to me.
[HEART BEATING]
Don't...probe into Nicholas' affairs.
Don't...probe.
Go back to work.
Forget you were here.
Don't.
Take the night off.
You need a rest.
Need a rest.
Need a rest.
You're under arrest.
Anything you say will be used against you in a court...
Janette?
Wh-what--?
Have I been here a while?
What the...?
Oh, excuse me.
You parked this here?
What?
Did you park this here?
Yeah.
Yeah, I...
Yeah, I think I parked...
Yeah, I did.
Could I see your license?
Yeah.
You're a cop?
Yeah, yeah, right, I'm a-
- I'm a...
I'm a cop.
So this is your car?
No...
No, it's not.
Well, then,
I'd like to see the registration.
Yeah, yeah.
[CHUCKLES]
It's gotta be here somewhere.
Really, it does.
Ah.
Jackpot.
Look at that.
An old New York driver's license.
"Nicholas Forrester."
Registration, right.
I'll get it.
[CHUCKLES]
Let me work on it, okay?
So it's Nick's car and I, uh, got a parking ticket.
Oh, you find that funny, Vera?
Why don't you just fax his registration over to Traffic, okay?
And while I got you, can you run an archive check for me?
It's a New York license,
F33275 I2912 53051, expires 1963.
Get all the particulars:
passport, uh, birth certificate, all that stuff.
I owe you some doughnut holes, Vera.
And don't tell Nick about the parking ticket, okay?
Love ya.
[SIGHS]
Detective Schanke, are you still here?
Same as you, captain.
I'm always here.
What about your report?
Almost finished.
Leave it, go home.
[YAWNS]
You look like you've been awake for a week.
JANETTE: 
Listen to me.
[HEART BEATING]
Don't probe into Nicholas' affairs.
KNIGHT: 
Forget what you saw.
You didn't see anyone or anything flying.
Do you understand?
You need a rest.
Forget what you saw.
Forget you were here.
See if you can get it washed.
JANETTE: 
You need a rest, rest, rest...
VERA:
Detective Schanke.
Hey, your wife called for you.
I have to wash the car!
What?
I have to forget about flying.
Schanke, are you all right?
Hi.
Oh, Vera.
Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm fine, really.
Here's the follow-up on that archive I pulled for you.
You really look sleepy.
Yeah.
You should go home.
Please.
Hi, Myra. 
Listen, baby--
No, I'm fine, I'm really fine.
I know I'm late.
I might be later.
Something important just came in.
I'm telling you, Natalie, she hypnotized me.
Nick too.
She hypnotized Nick?
No, no, no, no, Nick did it to me.
Okay.
Okay, I'll bite.
Why?
I don't know.
It worked.
They made me forget, and that's all I remember.
Schank, go home, have a hot bath, and take two of these--
No, you don't understand.
I do not want to sleep.
I have been sleeping for a long time.
I used to overlook stuff, make excuses for him, but now...
I am not so sure.
How long have you known Detective Knight?
I don't know, a year maybe.
Does he seem sort of...
eccentric to you?
Nick? 
Eccentric?
You mean the skin-condition thing?
That, yes.
You mean the only-ever- working-night-shift thing?
You mean the fact that he has no family and shies away from social functions like bowling and other stuff with the cops?
Still hasn't bought me one meal?
Never seems to eat himself, not even doughnuts?
Eccentric?
Nah!
MAN: 
You're not going to believe this.
He's got a sun bed up there.
He's got a sun bed?
I thought he was allergic to the sun or something.
Oh, he is.
I'm sure there's a logical explanation for this, you know.
Well...
Knight does have his, uh, eccentric side, but that still doesn't make--
Hey, uh, does anyone know why this guy would have blood in his refrigerator?
Blood?
Yeah, it's blood.
Blood?
Get you anything, detective?
Some coffee?
Sandwich from the deli?
Doughnut holes?
You really look beat.
No, thanks, Vera.
Geez, you must be working on something real important to be here during the day.
Must be some case.
What?
Are those the clues?
"John Doe 199," huh?
"Allergic to sun.
"Hypnotize.
Needs blood."
Oh, you're looking for a vampire, right?
SCHANKE: "The vampire can move among mortals,
"but only by night.
"He can never see daylight, for the sun will incinerate him."
KNIGHT: 
Can we get out of here, please?
Nice outfit.
Don't you think you're overreacting a little to this ozone thing?
Not really. 
Drive.
In the trunk?
Come on, Nick.
You're not that allergic to sunshine.
A tad will do you good.
What's a little sunburn?
Listen, I don't tan.
I don't burn.
I implode.
"He is gifted with extraordinary powers, incredible strength and physical prowess."
Police!
Nick!
Bring him back in!
Please!
[GROWLING] He doesn't deserve to live, Schanke.
[MAN GROANS]
Nick, you solved this thing.
Besides, think of the paperwork if you drop him.
Keep him away from me!
He's-
- He's a monster!
Get him out of here.
"Has the ability to fly and move more quickly than the eye can perceive."
[WHOOSHING]
"The ability to persuade through mesmerism."
Listen to me.
[HEART BEATING]
Look at me.
Detective Schanke, listen to me.
They made me forget, and that's all I remember.
"And he must nourish these skills
"with ever-increasing supplies of... fresh blood."
Just taste it.
You can't deny what you are.
You need it.
Hey, Knight!
Knight!
This is truly pathetic.
[SIGHS]
Should we be talking about an alcohol problem here?
Uh, they were presents.
Presents.
Left over from Christmas.
Uh, and my last birthday party.
Gifts.
Yeah.
Well, for your information, red wine is not supposed to be refrigerated.
Oh.
Oh.
Knight does have his, uh, eccentric side, but that still doesn't make him--
Hey, uh, does anyone know why this guy would have blood in his refrigerator?
Blood?
Yeah, blood.
"For all intents and purposes, he is immortal,
"coursing through the ages,
"assuming then disposing of identities as easily as mere mortals change clothing."
KNIGHT: 
It's good you're back.
I'm glad you're here, Schank.
Nick, I don't know what to say.
I've been a real ass.
Call it...
temporary insanity, huh?
You know how sometimes you get so full of one life, you want another?
Yeah, yeah, I've been there, I've done that.
"Different identities, different careers,
"always searching and always moving.
"Vampires fear symbols of redemption, such as crosses."
Nick, I was just thanking him for the beautiful gift he gave me.
See?
[TIRES SQUEALING]
"Vampires often form loose societies
"with others of their kind,
"other vampires
"who travel the lonely road through time with them."
Your grandparents?
"Vampires recruit new members of their society
"from among their mortal acquaintances.
"These new vampires often maintain
"an unfailing allegiance over time
"to their master vampire,
"the vampire who brought them across
"into the perpetually dark, godless world of the undead."
LACROIX [OVER RADIO]:
However worthless you feel, my friend, however bleak it all seems, in the end, you can come to me.
You'll always have something that I value, a part of you that I will always welcome.
Trust me.
Because I am... the Nightcrawler.
Why do you listen to that creep?
It's an acquired taste.
[HEART BEATING]
Have you been to a barbecue or something?
SCHANKE:
"Vampires often maintain
"an unfailing allegiance over time to their master vampire."
[BEEPS]
Janette?
Is something wrong?
You better hope not.
Hello?
Yodel-ay-hee-hoo?
Aloha?
Hello?
Anybody home?
[SIGHS]
[GASPS]
What, are you trying to give me a heart attack?
Maybe.
What, you people make a habit of sneaking up all the time?
We...people?
Then he asked about the Nightcrawler.
He made the connection somehow.
What do we do if he confronts Lacroix with his suspicions?
You said you fixed it.
I said I hope I fixed it.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
It's open!
Schank, is that you?
Nick, we have a problem.
Yeah, I know.
Uh, Janette told me.
Look, we'll find him and we'll deal with it.
LACROIX:
So welcome once again, children of the night.
I'm here to share myself with you.
Will you share yourselves with me?
[SIGHS] Okay.
I'm here because I wa...
Want to talk about Nicholas.
What do you want to know?
Okay.
Is he a...?
[COUGHS]
Is he a vampire?
Are you?
You tell me.
Okay, I know.
I know this is gonna sound crazy, but lately, there's been a lot of weird stuff that just hasn't been adding up.
Nick rides in the trunk, he can't go out in the sun.
One minute, he's here, the next minute, he's gone like a bat.
Did you know...
[LAUGHS] ...get this, that we found blood in his icebox?
Human blood?
No, he had blood from a steer.
[GROANS]
I know, my sentiments exactly.
That's what I said.
He says he uses it for painting.
Raphael showed him that.
Huh?
Tell me, detective, what has changed in you to make these things so suddenly apparent?
Please.
Thanks.
I don't know.
I do know I...
had a real bad night last night.
I know the feeling well.
Do you?
Got into a firefight.
Nick was there.
He could tell you all about it.
I had to waste a guy.
Awful thing... to waste people.
It is.
I killed him.
I had no choice.
And how did you feel, Detective Schanke?
How did it make me feel?
Not real good, I can tell you.
I found out after... that the guy had a family, you know?
Maybe he was rotten to them, but I know that somewhere, some kid is...
thinking about his dad, wondering what happened, wondering what life's going to be like without him.
No, no, no, no, no.
When you killed this man, did you feel a surge of strength within you?
A burst of adrenaline?
No!
No, it wasn't anything like that.
No matter what anybody says, it wasn't anything like that.
Well, I got to admit, my heart was beating like a rabbit.
The guy did have the draw on me.
You know, it would've been curtains if...
If...
If Nick wasn't there to save my ass.
Oh.
Geez.
Have I been an idiot.
Been running around all day, butting my nose into Nick's affairs when the guy saved my life.
I'm a first-class fool.
You're tired, detective.
Under tremendous stress.
Stress and trauma.
Any shock to the system will play on the imagination, fill us with bizarre obsessions, fantasies, if you like.
Yeah. 
Yeah.
Go home, detective.
Go home to your family and let Nicholas be with his...
Us.
Janette and myself.
We're the only family Nick has ever had.
What are you saying, that he's adopted?
In a manner of speaking, yes.
And, uh...
Well, he's not a...
[CHUCKLES]
What do you think? 
Really?
I think I need a drink.
[YAWNING] Listen, uh...
I just want to... thank you for, um, talking to me, Mr., uh...
Mr., uh...
Nightcrawler.
Only a real pleasure...
Don.
And, uh, please, don't, uh, tell Nick about this, ever.
Detective, you asked me if Nicholas is different.
Au contraire.
The Nicholas that I know is very much like you.
He doesn't like to kill people, either.
Thanks.
Damn.
Can I help you, Dr. Lambert?
Captain, have you heard from Nick or Schanke?
Schanke booked-off sick.
It's the best thing, after all he's been through.
No word from Knight yet.
You don't happen to know if Schanke went straight home, do you?
He said he had something really important to do.
I told him just go home, but he insisted it was really important.
Is anything wrong, doctor?
No. 
No, I...
Well, actually,
I talked to Schanke earlier about the shooting and...
And everything, and he, uh...
He seemed a bit weird about it.
I noticed it too.
I'm sure he'll be fine.
I hope so.
Wherever he is.
[BIRDS TWEETING]
[WATER SPLASHING]
[¶]

Pari.
Of course the future is important to me but hope in the future is something else.
From thought of the mind to thought of the heart.
The fervent of thought on the painful path of quest shell not rest days  nights.
He 'II unite body and soul to transform body to soul before death.
He can't meet the need of the soul.
Doesn't consider Himself better  thinks no one a better hermit than himself.
He's neither a nonentity, not an entity.
He's neither a fragment nor totality.
He finds no hope in anyone.
For everyone is incomplete and everybody is occupied with existence and non-existence until he finally meets a sage in whose guidance he finds hope.
Khayam believes that the world is limited and that man is a prisoner of the world. 
He's a stranger and mankind is obliged, andnature's made everything superior to him.
Contrary to kierkegaard who explanins this issue in existentialism which I'll discuss later.
But, Rumi believed the eternal geography of the world and discusses the union of man  God.
One moment please.
He allows men unlimited freedom with which he ascends to the peak of perfection on the wings of God given love that leads one to Supremacy.
Anyway, rejohice, oh our ultimate love, oh healer of all our trails and tribulations.
- Sir!
One moment please.
Just one moment!
You have put khayam and Rumi on a scale for half an hour. 
Frist you knock down khayam.
Then when you've completely done away with him in a way that one forget his importance in the history of literature, then you idolise Rumi.
Now why do we have to struggle in this roller coaster of literature?
In order to aggrandize the one you belittle the other.
One moment!
I'll answer it next session.
Hey pari, why did you do that?
Don't you want to get a grade?
If it weren't so late. 
If I weren't looking for honours.
Ifl weren't so miserably vain...
I'd drop literature.
How I hate these arrogant pessimistic, and fake professors who hate everything. 
Everything is absurd.
Your time is the breath between two breaths.
One of the past and one to come.
The day is today and today is this hour and this hour is this breath and the breath is this time.
Azam dear, Father! 
Mom!
Mom!
Where have they all gone?
- Ma'am we have no water, no tea.
- O.K.
Dadashi!
Please help yourselves to a cup of tea.
This telephone is out of order.
The house is too crowded. 
I'm leaving for Isfahan.
Welcome.
Hi, how are you?
- Fine, this all your luggage?
- Yes.
What's the book?
How was your trip? 
How's mother?
Father? 
Dadashi?
- Not bad.
- I've been wondering about our wedding.
Father says it's better to have the wedding in Isfahan and the reception in tehran, but Azam hasn't agreed, has she?
Don,t know, what will be, will be.
Malekanl He's fake with mushy pointless poems.
A bunch of nonsense, so what? 
poetry Should be of flesh and blood and it should cheer you up.
That 's why I decided to write.
I wrote an article  gave it to the professor.
I thought I had messed it.
But when I got it back , he really praised me.
- I nearly passed out.
- Why?
- Why what?
- Why'd you think you had made a mess?
- this guy is one of malekan's opponents. 
When I criticised Malekan, he really like it. 
I can read it out to you if you like.
Poor Malekan.
O God, who created earth and sky in one word.
Make me a stream, Thus I quench thee thirist of the eanh.
Or make me a butterfly thus I be deed before sunset.
- Is it by malekan?
- where are we now?
He's insisting on publishing it.
I tell him there 're bunch of good criticism coming out on him.
It 's swarming with them everywhere but not a serious jop done on it yet. 
An incisive jop that would deal with him for good. 
All those silly games in such a situation?
You sound like Killer-critics.
- What?
- It's teeming with them in our university. 
Professors, pseudoprofessors and terrorists.
They attack the one  insult the other.
You really do sound like them.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Sorry. 
I'm awful. 
It '3 been about a week that I haven't felt well.
I feel so destructive.
But you were quite calm in your letter.
Yes' I had to strain.
I had the same conversation in class too.
How I hate pessimistic, depotic and conceited professores.
Sorry, I won 't say it again.
Stop saying "sorry". 
What's up?
Why do you look at everyone in the same way?
If people were really the way you describe them.
Yeah, you're right.
Forget it.
Stop her for a moment.
Anyway, you 'll find weird people everywhere stupid  worthless people are all around.
But you have wonhy perfessors at your university,  Dr Karimi and Salamat. 
I wished they were at our university.
They 're poets. 
That's difference.
No, they are n't poets and that's exactly the problem.
They write poems but they are n't poets.
Let's not talk about it.
See how I ruin everything.
I wished the earth would open and swallow me away.
Who do you consider a poet?
How should I know?
Stop it now Mansur.
I 'm not feeling well.
- I can 't go on.
- It '3 O.K. we 've arrived.
God, why do I argue with him?
Is it how I see him, or is he really this way?
This tree, these people, are they the way I see them?
How can I find out?
This way please.
Thanks.
All I know is that if you ,re poet you make something beautiful.
After you scribbland some pages you leave a beautiful thing behind.
The result of your feeling  not one just learned by heart
It 's evident  yet hold's secrets...
Those poets leave anything behind.
They don't talk of anything beautiful.
I thought you were fond of karimi 's works.
You said that he 's a good poet.
Yes I liked his works, but tell you the truth I 've come to abhor even liking and disliking.
If instead of all these phoneys, there were someone could look at differently.
Someone wonhy of respect.
Someone great.
SorfY-
I 'll be back.
The invocation that Abulghasem Beshr Yasin teaches Abusalmeh.
He said "young man, do you want to talk to God?"
I siad "of course I do".
He replied "Whenever you 're alone say this.
Without thee my life force, I shall be restless.
Nor can I reckon all your goodness.
Have all the hair on my boby spoken yet not one of thousand thanks betoken.
Yet not one of thousand thanks betoken,
Yet not one of thousand thanks betoken.
Sorry. 
Did you think I Fainted?
No, I did n't know what was going on?
Your eyes are red. 
Are you O.K ?
Yes. 
Did you order?
Yes' I've ordered barbecued chiken for you.
No, not chiken.
Do you want kabab?
What a big kebab.
- Minced or filet?
- Neither.
Barbecued chiken for the lady.
- No.
- What do you want then?
- Salad.
What's wrong? 
I 'm worried pari.
It 's O.K. eat your food.
You have to eat too.
This guy Amir and his wife used to be fans of your quiz show.
Assad, safa, Dadashi and you.
They adore Assad's book.
Poor Assad, if he know his book were so popular...
Assad wouldn't give a damnwhether his book had any admireres.
Even this book was published by safa after his death.
Now he's going to ask about the play.
How do I know it? 
Why is it so obvious?
- By the way, how's the play?
- I quit it. 
I 'm not in it.
You said you loved that pan.
- They gave it to someone else?
- No, they didn't.
You're so nasty!
- So what happened?
- I saw myself in the mirror during the rehearsal  it made me puke.
Draw her eyebrow a little thicker.
- Put a mole here too.
- A mole?
- Yes.
- You're really overdoing things.
- That's how I got rid of it.
- Miss Sohrabi!
I thought it quite tasteless to make a fuss out of that.
I realised what an egomaniac I 've become.
I mean all the ege, ege, ege.
Don't be angry.
Let's talk about it.
I can 't.
And after the show with all theapplause of sarcasm,  you still have to be cool.
How I hated my self.
- Wipe away the sweat.
- Am I sweating?
I have it in my bag.
Where is it?
- What '3 the book'?
- I wanted to read it on the way.
What 's all this stuff I carry with me.
Is it a secret?
What? 
The book? 
It '3 about the rites of initiation.
- Who's it by?
- By a peasant from Khorasan never gives his name. 
He's about thirty.
His wife  his brother are both dead.
I mean he has set the hut on fire  they both have died.
- What '3 it about?
- It 's special. 
This peasant who is a pilgrim , and mortifying himself.
One day he come across that saying of Imam Sadegh which explains the ben efits of invoking God.
He wants to find out how much more.
He wanders from one town to the other searching for a saga who could teach him how to invoke.
The only things he takes is a knapsack of bread, salt  dates.
- What happens next?
- After years he finds his sage.
I 'd like you to read my article.
See if it's worth publishing or not.
Of course, you might like this book as well.
Why haven't you touched your food?
I 'm not hungry.
You want to know what the sage tells him?
The sage who has obtained the cloack of honour from joneid of baghdad teaches him an invocation.
- What ?
- You have to read it by your self.
It 's in the line of mercy.
He tells him that if he tries to say the prayer loudly then it 'll come out by itself.
Then it's the heart that says the prayer  something happens.
The heart beats and the words unite.
It means that the heart stan speaking and the prayer is being said permanently.
And that has a deep impact on you.
By doing this you purify yourself and gain a new perspective.
The only things is repetition.
After this period the quantity turns into quality.
The sage said that this is the qualiti of God's name.
The name of God has this invitabale characteristic.
It 's automatic. 
Once started, it runs by itself.
The same thing is said about Buddhism.
They say "name Amida Butsu", Which means praise Buddha.
The same thing happens there too.
- Slowly, slowly, what was it?
- Namu Amida Butsu exactly the same thing is in Abusaeed Abulkheir by saying the word "Allah". 
They say "Allah", it ,3 great.
You really belive these things?
What '3 that got to do with believing?
I said it's great.
It's a nice conicidence that you come across such a book.
You see , so many holy people have appeared in the course of history to tell you there's something else.
And if it calls you  you respond to it you can reach it.
Than when you repeat the word "Allah" Something will happen.
It 's exactly the same case in India by uttering the word "OM".
- What's the result?
- What?
What 's the benefit of this nice coincidence?
You destroy yourself, so what?
So what? 
A light illuminates your hear1 with which you can see God.
SorfY-
I advanced on the roof of the caravanserai:
He Deleved into the mosque.
He lifted a plank of wood, secured the roped wood to the well-head, suspended himself in the well.
Head over hills he commenced to peruse the karon.
And I harkened.
At dawn he had terminated the perusal of the koran and withdrew from the well.
And he left the plank at the door and opened it.
Inside the caravanserai he performed his ablution.
- Hello, is this the clinic'?
- If it's near, I can take her.
I want an ambulance please.
- How are you feeling?
- Where am I?
We're in the office. 
We 're trying to get an ambulance.
Ambulance? 
What for?
Sorry sir. 
There's no need for an ambulance.
- Feeling better?
- Kinda stupid, but fine.
Did I really faint?
I looked for you everywhere. 
What were you doing up there?
I searched the whole area for you.
I was feeling sick.
Why? 
Are you on medication?
Why do you keep asking me about medication?
- No, I 'm not on drugs.
- All right.
- What's the time? 
Are n't you late?
- Doesn't matter.
- But your friends are waiting.
- Here we are, auntie 's house.
- What's going on here?
- It's the celebration of Imam Ali 's birthday.
Getlemen are not welcome.
All right, O.K.
Pari, I 'll pick you up later.
- Come here for a moment please.
- Sure.
- Can you do me a favour?
- Sure What's it?
Take these to tehran  give them to aunt, so that she send them abroad for me.
- But they might get lost.
- Just put them in your bag.
- No, I can't.
Auntie Aghdas!
Dear auntie!
- Hi Ateneh! 
Where 're you going?
- Do you see this rice pudding.
I 'm taking it to Auntie Aghdas.
I 'll Show you.
- Is she in this room?
- Yes, come in.
- Eat Auntie Aghdas!
- Auntie Aghdas.
- Have some.
- Is she asleep?
No, she 's dead.
Goodbye, dear Ateneh.
- Where are you going?
- Tell them I didn't want to bother them. 
Tell them I went back to tehran, O.K?
O.k.
Hello yuseph. 
How are you?
It has been a long time since I last wrote you.
Recently, I 've been itiching to write.
I 've decided to write at last 30 pages a day.
Besides these nonsense.
I hear a lot about pari and you.
Poor mother writea a few pages every weeks.
She keeps complaining why there shoud be two telephone lines in the house and none here.
So that I have to use the grocer '5 phone.
I 'm worried about father  mother.
They're grown old and don't understand why their kids turned out this way.
For example, why their eldest son, with such talent should ruin himself that way.
Or why should I with all my education end uo in this dump and write down these nonsense.
And you with your brilliant grades and all these rewards instead of becoming a doctor, are you a teacher.
Moreover, since you went into cinematography and acting they don't consider yourjop serious.
For them kike othera art is superflous.
They don't understand how I feel if I one day can't write something down.
Writing 's an uncanny feeling.
You dwell on things that are beyond you.
And negate the ego.
And this excitement, this walking around the room and suddenly something strikes your mind, you jump to the desk.
Hold on a second.
Whenever something comes to my mind, it 's exactly them when the pen is missing.
But where '5 my pen?
Writing is a passion. 
A moment in which the ego and self meet.
I am me, and, I admit it.
It 's the absolute reign of the self.
I 'm fed up with these head games They trick you all the times.
The incentive for writing this letter was my meeting with a very pretty little gril at the grocer's.
Her head leaning against the glass, she was starting at the showcase.
I want only one bread.
Ali, please give me my cheese.
You're so beautiful!
You 're the most beautiful thing I 've ever seen.
How many friends do you have?
-2.
That's quite a lot. 
What 're their names?
Mummy  Daddy.
That reminds me of Assad's poems. 
The day of the accident when I went to the mountainside to claim Assad's corpse.
His last poem, one of his same old Haikus was lying on the sill.
You can't come up, sir.
I 'm his brother, sir.
Assad!
- Please don't touch.
- Move on.
Don't touch anything.
What was his name? 
How old was he?
The little gril in the taxi, just like a doll.
Turned araund  stared at me.
Were you his neighbour? 
What happened?
I don't know ' ask this child.
I was playing when I suddenly heard a scream.
I looked for my mom.
She wasn't there. 
Then I saw the hut going up in flames.
Are you a relative?
Are you a relative?
- I 'm his brother.
Why did he burn himself ?
Don 't know. 
Some say it was because it 's exactly them...
He had just married.
They came back from their honeymoon.
Maybe he had enough of life.
His soual had grown larger than life  didn't fit in his body.
They day I went to the coroner to claim the corpse, I couldn't stop crying in the taxi.
Are you in mourning?
I want to go to the coroner, is it here?
Yes, it's here.
SorfY-
- Here you are.
- Your change, sir.
When I got off the taxi I was smiling.
Assad and I were already in high school when pari  you star1ed reading. 
We didn't want to force you to reading great literary works.
Assad thought that educationis sweet provided, it's not a quest of knowledge.
But in harmony whit the "Zen", a quest of no-knowledge.
We wanted you to know frist who Moses, Buddha, jesus and Mohammad and ali were.
And then follow Rumi, Hafiz, Attar and etc.
I was worried about how you were going to bear Assad's death.
Especially pari whose axams had just strated.
I heard that you were skipping classes.
You used to go sitting on the roof and meditating for twelve hours a day.
I never came for the mourning period...
I thought pari  you, by seeing me, might throw all the books at me, as if Assad's death was my fault.
Dadashi! 
Are you home, are you awake'?
Are you still in bad? 
Haven't you gone to visit your ill sister?
Please go out. 
I 'm doing some breathing exerciases.
Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
I 'm asking you why you didn,t go? 
Didn't I beg you too'?
No need to beg.
When I think that safa hasn't got a phone...
I get so mad at him.
I 've called him ten times since last night at the grocer's no one answered. 
On the other hand this girl worries me badii.
These painters wand to start workingin the dining room I don't know where I can take her to rest.
No one wants to look after her. 
Why doesn't she eat something?
Why is not she attending class anymore?
Even since she arrived she hasn't eaten anything.
Poor Mansur, he '5 already called four times, he 's worried.
- Who's Mansur?
- your cousin, her fiance.
- What a nice boy.
- What a jerk and a fake.
- Why?
- If you see him worried, it's because of his own stupid reasone.
For example, why has he left pari alone.
You 're just like Safa.
You all think that anything peaple do is because of selfish reason.
- Or for their own advantages.
- Exactly.
You all either like people or don't, if you do, you talk yourself out, and if you don't which is mostly the case you sit still and let them fall into traps.
Be careful!
Can't live that way.
Black or white, good or evil, ugly or beautiful,
By the way, what '3 the book Mansur says, it's all because of this book she 's borrowed from library what 's the book?
- Neither of you understasnd.
- What's it then?
- It 's a bookcalled "The way".
It has been on Assad 's desk for years.
I haven't been in his room for a long time and I don't want to go there.
I can't touch his things.
Start crying again?
You 've become so cold-hearted.
- Whenever safa felt that...
- Safa, Assad, oh.
This house in full of ghosts.
Ghosts of the dead and half-dead.
I don't understand why he doesn't make up his mind.
He 's imitated Assad in every way, the same major, the same degree.
Why doesn't he kill himself and make thinngs easier for us.
God forbid it!
We were brought up abnormal. 
We're freaks.
And they 're responsible.
I can't have a decent talk with anyone.
I either get bored or I start discussing so much that I get on his nerves.
If the guy had guts he'd break the chair on my head.
I still can't eat a piece of bread before saying the 4 great Vows.
- The four Vows?
- Saving the human race suppressing homan passions, dominance of the self.
Acquiring the Buddha-truth, even though imposible.
How about asking Dr. Hekmati to come and see pari.
A doctor again? 
Remember what psychiatry did to Assad?
When will you learn?
But he 's not a bad doctor.
He 's only capable of either putting you on drugs or giving electric shocks to his patients.
Who '3 talking about giving pari electric shock?
She 'll end up in a madhouse in less then 3 months if treated by him.
Because the doctor who wants to understand pari should believe that it was God's will that he become a doctor.
Or it was because of God's mercy that he hasn't been hit by a car, and has been able to cure his patients.
He '3 to understand "I love me without myself...
Or "to winess is to be witnessed" or have creative imagination.
He has to understand what "the ultimate illumination" is.
Where 's my shoe?
Don't you want to see your sister?
Don't know. 
Let me concentrate. 
I 'm late.
They 're waiting for me.
- How did this happen?
- Just leave it.
- It 's dangerous.
- Let me do my stuff.
All right!
I don,t know what's happening to you.
You used to be all so happy.
You used to play talk and laugh a lot.
But now?
How you used to take care of each other.
Assad and Safe looked After you.
And you after pari!
But now?
Without thee my life force, I shall be restless.
Nor can I reckon all your goodness.
Have all the hair on my boby spoken.
Yet not one of thousand thanks betoken.
It 's so luminous. 
Why 'd you wake me up?
Stop it . 
It 's not tuned.
Your film acting costume?
- So you finally accepted it.
- Yeah it 's just another game.
What about your classes?
I 'II have a substitute. 
It 'sjust 3 scenes.
You 've got rings under your eyes Madam's are moving.
The prayer is rising.
Don't smile at me! 
Assad used to smile in the same way.
Everybody smiles.
- I want to ask you something.
- Don't.
What do you want to get to with this book?
- I 'm not in the mood now.
- I 'm talking to you.
You 've become so obsessed with this praying that it 's getting rahtar uncanny. 
Perhaps I 'm jeolous.
I 'm not telling you not to do this prayer.
But what '3 your purpose?
You know how dangerous these kinds of things can be without a trainer? 
It 's dangerous. 
Understand?
It 's the sage who determines which prayer you should use.
You have to know about your way.
There's no difference between greed for material treasures,  or spiritual ones.
- That 's the same.
- I know it.
No you don't. this is n't an lQ-competition.
I told this a thousand times to myself.
You say I want to gain something through this prayer.
Like some one wants a fur coat or a luxury car.
Is n't that what you say?
- O.K. why are you shouthing?
- No, I can't, you driver me so mad. 
Don't you think that I 'm worry about this prayer.
I don't need you to tell me that.
Do you want to talk to Safe about it?
Can give him a call.
Do you want me to get Safa for you?
- No.
- It'll ease you.
- No.
- Then what am I suuossed to do?
I want to talk to Assad.
- Dadashi is it you?
- Yes.
- The set '3 ready.
- I 'm coming.
- Haw you rehearsed with that gun?
- Yes.
Just hit the road them.
- O.K.
Stop crying. 
I want to have a descent conversation with you.
- No.
- You know I 'm not against this book and the prayer.
You 're not the firist to have thought of saying it.
I was possessed by it myself.
I used to wander through the bazzar like a mad man.
...looking for a sack or something like a cloack to wear.
I wanted to pack my bundlde with bread, salt and dated and search for the way through deserts.
And I really did it.
After Assad 's death I felt as if I were burning too.
I was invoking just like you and your sage.
And we sent thee for nothing but mercy onto the world.
I used to fast for days and undergo mortification.
Until I got sick.
After I got out of hospital.
Again I searched so much until I found a spiritual guide.
He taught me what "Heart full of love, head set to work" means.
Thou art the drop, thou art the sea, thou art the spirit Thou art the light, thou ad the sweetness, thou art the venon.
Torture me no more.
- Wait!
- What 's it?
- Close your eyes for a moment.
- All right.
Close your eyes, only one minute.
Now don't think about anything.
Now what colour are you seeing?
Is n't it violet? 
Azure, now it's crimson.
Yellow, now it 's white.
No. 
It 's black.
- Hold on let me see.
- What 's the matter now.
Look at that wheel.
You want me to turn it by looking at it?
Do you know what father wanted to do last night?
He wanted to put you on some concoction and medicinal draught.
Leave me alone.
That's why I tell you that this is n't the way.
It makes our poor parents upset.
I 'm still talking to you.
Something else, is the martyr-like air you have put on.
I mean this crusade you 've waged against every one.
Against your friends, teachers, and fiancee.
Your heart '3 become filled with animosity.
- You just hate everything.
- And especially you.
You 've gone too far Dadashi.
You know what all this is for?
- Get out of my way.
- Listen.
- How can I get rid of this idiot?
- You were about 13 and none of the other brothers were around.
You had a problem.
You 've confused ali and Jesus with a bunch of other hermits, mystics, philosophers and prophets.
Is this your conclusion?
I can't understand how one can invoke mercy without having realised Ali '3 compassion.
You ran to me saying that you didn't like Imam Ali.
Because you disliked that he made war.
You said that Buddha and krishna had never done such things.
You criticised Jesus destroyed the Jews market.
And said "Drow your swords" You see!
That's where my little Pari Forget about Ali and Jesus and chooses Buddha and Krishna.
But then I was twelve.
Don't say you were just a kid.
You didn't understand Ali.
You know why? 
For you didn't realise the philosophy of sinking one '5 head into a well or driwing swords or taking barly bread to the neighbours.
These men were lovers of God, you idiot.
I 've seen those who have trodden a path led by a apiritual guide.
They underwent modification, but you can't do that here with our old parents around.
Leave me alone Dadashi.
Only one more word and 'II shut up.
You talk of the self  how bad it is.
It 's Ali Who should decide abut it.
This is God '3 universe ' not yours.
Stop it!
All right.
I should be ashamed of myself that I can't talk properly.
Fool!
What a bliss when it snows to know that the birds' bodies are warm.
Oh snail, climb Mount Fuji, but slowly, slowly.
By Assad Sohrabi Notes 1966-73.
22 I 've reached with a Ph. D in literature in my pocket.
They years that elapsed, blew away like a bubble.
Never in my life, I've experieced the feeling I feel now.
The night is our closed eyes when we look at the illumination inside of us.
- Elena is that you?
- Yes, mother, how 're you?
Why didn't you call me, are you all right?
I 'm fine, I 've tried to call you many times, but I couldn't get...
- ...through.
- Are you o.k?
Don't worry, It '3 just a little cold over here.
- Didn't you think that...
- Why are you yelling?
I can hear you quite well. 
I told you, I tried last night.
- When did you arrive'?
- Two nights ago.
- Who was driving?
- Assad and I changed.
- Assad?
- Don't get mad, he did quite well.
- I was amazed.
- But you promised me.
Didn't you say he won't drive again?
But it's a long way from Isfahan to Tehran.
But you told me he hated diving.
Mother, beliveve me he drove very carefully.
Didn't you fall into a stream?
Or hit a tree like the last time?
No. 
I told him to keep right and drive slowly.
Not to overtake anyone or look at the trees.
- How was the car?
- Perfect.
That's because your father took it to the garage and paid...
- ...a lot for it.
- Really?
- I 'll tell Assad to pay you back.
- You know that your father talked...
- ...to Dr. Hekmati?
- Really?
He told him about Assad, the story of falling into the river and that he was going to jump from the window.
Those were all lies.
- And that nonsense he told granny.
- Mother, please.
And those photographs he tore into pieces, and...
So what?
He said that Assad should be hospitialised.
- Mother!
- I 'm asking you one more time.
- Is every thing all right?
- Yes mother.
- Don't you want to come back?
- No I just got there.
- Is he around?
- No, I told him go and sit by the river. 
He 's become so pale.
How does he treat you?
Very well, don't treat him like a lunatic.
- Call me if something happen.
- Mother, don't worry.
- Brought you some water.
- How nice, darling.
I was just about to die of thirst.
Fetch me a mirror from the water.
But if you come too.
This water's very deep, I 'm afraid.
What a nice green dress!
This is not green, it's white watch it!
Yes, you 're right. 
I 'm so stupid.
Are you going to get me a mirror from the river?
You want me to get you a mirror?
Then give me your hand.
- This Way, don't hit them.
- Oh bees! 
I 'm afraid.
- Don't be afraid of bees.
- Do you like Honey comb?
- Yes, I do?
- And you like my brother too?
Yes, do you know why?
Because he doesn't molest animals doesn't throw stones at puppies doesn't pull kitten 's tails and he's nice.
- I like to chew candles.
- Who doesn't? 
I like to chew both candle and honey comb.
We 've reached, let me carry you now.
You know what I just saw in the water, a sun-fish.
- What's a sun-fish?
- They're little tiny fish and their life is very sad do you know what they do?
- What?
- At night they come to the surface, when they see a light they rush towards and they try to reach the center of the light.
They want to swallow the light.
That's why they fall on the shore and die.
I just saw one of them.
- Didn't itjump up?
- Yes, but it fell into the water.
Go away, don't you come in front of it.
Let the sun shine.
I 'm talking to you. 
No I 'm talking to that big cloud.
And you Don't flow so strong, you might break the twigs.
I told you yeasterday too.
Assad! 
Is that you?
Did you go shopping?
Did you buy bread?
Assad.
What 's this smell?
Assad!
Help! 
Help!
The lorry rolling on the lawn.
God gave green gifts to great giggling goats.
Hello Pari! 
How are you doing dear?
Don't say no or I 'll get angry.
You can't live on fresh air.
You haven't had anything for exactly 48 hours.
Please. 
How many times di I have to tell you, I don't want it.
- Get up.
- I can't.
It '3 Safe. 
He wants to talk to you.
- Where '3 he calling from?
- Don't know, he 's talking in a hoarse voice' hurry up.
Did you tell him that my time 's at hand?
Hurry up!
Come on.
- Hi, Safa.
- Hello, How are you?
- Are you feeling fine?
- I 'm fine. 
You sound sick.
- Just a bit.
- Your voice has changed.
I don't know if it '3 your cold or the line.
- Where are you?
- Close to home. 
Tell me about...
- ...your self.
- What did mother tell you?
You know you can't talk properly on the phone with her.
She said that you 're not eating anything.
She said something about the book.
- Don't you want to say something?
- I 've been arguing so much with Dadashi that I 've no power to talk anymore.
- Dadashi? 
How's he doing?
- He 'sjust souch a jerk. 
I can't stand him.
- Why'? 
What has he done?
He's bugging everyone.
He 's become so cynical.
- But what has he done?
- He's picking on the prayer and the book that I 'm reading.
He talks nonsense. 
He 's so confused.
He keeps pushing one subject until you freak out.
- What kind of nonsense?
- He curses everything.
The TV programs, his class, his professor, you Assad.
He keeps saying that you have made us freaks.
He keeps changing subject.
Is he just claiming this or has he thought about it.
He has 20 definitions for everything.
One of his reason is that we only love one thing.
Later he says because we hate everything that our minds have become dogmatic.
...that we can't bear people. 
You know what he told me last night'? 
He said one day when he was 8 years old he had stew with Abu saeed Abolkheir.
- Did you know that?
- Yes.
You see it's like you're in a madhouse and a patient...
He prattles so much he getes on your nerves.
Well, that's because of his lron-Jaw.
- Are you still there?
- That's enough, Dadashi.
- What?
- Now you really overdid it.
What do you mean? 
Hello, Pari dear!
Are you there?
Yes, I 'm stillhere. 
Do you think my never are of steel?
Pari dear! 
Hello!
You messed it again.
Where's she going? 
Pari! 
I 've brought you some fruit.
What happened on the phone?
What happened to Safa?
- Pari! 
Where's Pari?
- She went out.
I wanted to talk to safa. 
Where's the phone?
Mansur! 
No you don't have to come.
It'll suffice if you call, Bye.
She isn't there at Mansur 's what can I do.
Don't worry, she 'll show up.
Isfahan! 
Auntie! 
How're you doing?
Haven't seen you pari around?
No?
! 
She hasn't shiwn up since this morning.
Please give me a call if she show up.
Thanks.
Idon't know what to do?
- Dadashi!
- Hold the line please. 
Yes.
She wasn't at auntie 's house' let '3 call your uncle.
She wasn't at zary 's place either.
Please call uncle Mahmood and call us back as soon as you find some news.
Thanks, bye.
Mr. Sohrabi! 
Where have you been?
- Coming.
- I 've called you many times sunce this mornning.
- I said I 'm coming, bye.
Dadashi' is it you? 
Why don't you let me be.
I know you've been dreaming of me...
But don't take it serously.
You know that dawn is when God visits his devotees.
And divides the daily bread among them.
Take it!
One day Safa and I came to watch you frist performance.
You hadn't told us about it, and we know you didn't want us to see your work.
And you were so good Pari, great.
You want more than my death'?
No more then that.For that is all I need.
Why 're you waiting? 
Nothing that you say fits with my thought. 
I pari it never will.
Nor will you like to hear about my devout.
All these'd say that they 'd approve my act did fear.
But the opprssore are fortunate in many ways and most, in being deaf.
None of these others see the case this way.
They see, and do not say you've them cowed.
And you are not ashamed to think alone?
No, when was it shame to serve my relatives.
Etecles, victimised to death, wasn't your relative?
You always wanted to be an actrese...
And not just a actress but a good actress.
You know to act and do you know why?
Just for the sake of god, imaging you 're God's actress.
You shouldn't care about what people say.
Why should you? 
Just do your acting.
Do it for the sake of the "jug bearers"...
Remember? 
For the sake of the "jug beareas".
I remember when I had an exam, Assasd used to insist that I wear a pair of new shoes.
- And 0 used to ask why?
- "just for the aske of the jug-bearers.
- "Who are the jug-bearers?" - "Just wear them".
We had got used to it.
It 's the same now.
He used to tell me the same thing too.
Whenever I wanted to go on the stage he 'd say...
"For the sake of the jug-bearers".
I didn't know what he was talking about.
No matter how often I asked him.
He said nothing.
Lefter I found out who the "jog-bearers really were"
Well they exactly the elder you are looking for the sage, they 're Imam Ali orjesus, or Rumi.
Now, it 's time you break the fast.
3 days of fasting is enough.
Come on the set.
Take it.
Your refused the stew mother cooked for you.
Didn't realize thagt she cooked it with love for you.
How holy it was.
Take it.
Are you ready? 
Dadshi sound, camera.
Actoin!
Safa once told me something he said:
If one 's fallen a hill, with a cut throat, slowly bleeding to death.
And a bunch of peasant women walk over the hill carying jugs on their heads, one should be able to sit up and turn one 's head to see how the women carry jugs safly over the top of the hill.

IN PURSUIT OF HONOR
The climax of the Bonus Army's two-month siege Is rapidly developing in the shadow of our nation's capital.
Since early June, nearly 18,000 veterans of the Great War of 1917, many homeless and starving have been camped with their families on Anacostia Flats demanding payment of their promised soldiers' bonus.
Today, one policeman and one Bonus Marcher were killed In skirmishes with local police prompting President Hoover to order the U. S. Army under the leadership of General MacArthur to remove the veterans.
Fifteen hundred federal troops. a combined force of Infantry, cavalry and the newly-formed armor division have responded to the President's call to put an end to the veterans' rebellion.
General, any thoughts about gong against former soldiers?
Watch me.
We want what's coming to us.
WE DEMAND IMMEDIATE PAYMENT OF THE BONUS
Regimental Sergeant, break out the colors!
Major Hardesty, sir, I think they know what army it is.
Do as ordered without insubordination, Sgt. Libbey.
Break out the colors!
In line right and halt!
Draw!
Sabers!
I gave an order, Sergeant.
Your order goes against my conscience.
These men served with us in France.
They're only asking for what they were promised.
This is mutiny, Sgt. Libbey.
You're under arrest, mister.
You and these men, return to post.
Under your own recognizance.
Advance!
The attack Is on. 
General MacArthur Is In command.
The Army of the United States Is attacking Its own veterans|
Their camps are being destroyed|
This Is a national disgrace one of our country's darkest hours...
TEXAS
Damn it.
Are you okay?
What do you think you're doing?
I was walking.
The roads are for automobiles!
Yeah, if you got one.
You look okay to me.
Where are you headed?
Down to the border.
Get in the car!
What?
I said, "Get in the car," idiot!
There's a dust storm.
Much obliged.
Marsh Buxton, ma'am.
Only my good friends call me an idiot.
Jessica Stuart, and I'm not your good friend.
Kinda takes your breath away, doesn't it?
Cowboy soldier.
I should've guessed.
Excuse me.
Sir! 
Bachelor officers' quarters are the last building at the left side of the drill field. 
Regimental HQ is in front of us.
Thank you, Private.
About the woman, sir.
Lady friends are off-limits at this time, sir.
With all due respect she isn't my friend.
I'm Jessica Stuart, Private.
Stuart? 
As in Colonel Stuart, ma'am?
Holy Moses!
The commanding officer's daughter?
Kinda takes your breath away, doesn't it?
Let's see, you were fourth in your class at West Point you speak three languages and according to this, you're just about expert in everything.
I don't understand something. 
Why would they take a man so special and waste him, send him out to a godforsaken place like this?
I don't...
Now I understand!
Listen!
Maybe you'd like to enlighten me as to this incident here of you striking an officer at your last post.
It was a soldier's fight, sir.
He was abusing his horse and I stopped him.
Did you win?
Yes, sir, I did.
Let me ask you a question.
You have trouble with authority?
Yes, sir.
You'll have no trouble with authority here.
Let me explain that to you, all right!
The cavalry's in enough trouble now. 
Discipline is critical to our morale and essential for survival, yours and mine, understood?
You'll carry out your orders and you'll do them smartly.
And if there's one iota of insubordination in your eyes you'll face charges!
-Am I understood?
-Yes, sir.
-Can't hear you.
-Yes, sir!
That's much better.
Okay.
Now, since you're attached to the 12th and I had the honor of serving with your father I'm gonna have Sgt. Rutherford amend your records.
Then, you'll be able to start here with a clean slate.
Thank you, sir.
Dismissed.
Jessica.
Father.
Back, back...
'Evening, Mr. Quinlain.
'Afternoon, Top.
You got that stud working for you good, Tom.
He's coming along.
Hello, Ahab.
-'Afternoon, sir.
-Gentlemen.
-Master Sergeant Libbey.
-Marshall Buxton.
May I present Sgts.
Quinlain and Mulcahey?
-Pleasure, sir.
-It's an honor, sir.
I've been assigned officer in charge of remounts and stables.
Regulations call for a quartet of horses for each man.
These all the horses we have?
There's a few more.
Sgt. Quinlain, sound the recall.
They're still grazing, sir.
By any chance, would you be related to a Thomas Buxton, sir?
He was my father.
May I say, sir, that he was one hell of a fine horseman.
The best, sir.
God love him.
Seems like everyone in the cavalry knew him.
We wasted the better part of our youth in the Mexican campaign.
Wasted? 
Hell, they got the Medal of Honor at the same ceremony.
It was a sight to behold, sir.
What are you doin' here?
It's a long story about a quick decision.
An old cavalry trick, sir.
A soldier got separated from his mount a bugle call would bring him back, on the double.
Goddamn it, Quinlain! 
Is this some kind of a joke?
Sgt. Shattuck can I introduce Lt. Buxton?
Pleased to make your acquaintance, sir.
Every officer can choose his own mount, sir.
But personally I favor that sorrel mare.
Hey, get a load of this!
What's going on here?
Not Hardesty.
John.
Owen.
This is a surprise.
They didn't tell me it was gonna be you.
I wasn't notified until 10 days ago, myself.
This is my ADC, Major Forrest.
I'd like to be shown to my quarters now.
I'll take formal command at 09:00 tomorrow morning.
So, that's the future.
I feel like an idiot.
I don't think I've ever seen you out of uniform.
I haven't worn one of these in years.
You look handsome.
Darling, I am a soldier and it hurts me that you disapprove of it.
I don't disapprove of you, I'm proud of you.
Sure, because I'm out of uniform.
I don't hate the Army.
It's the systematic stupidity of it that galls me.
I'm glad you write for the newspapers 'cause you got enough opinions to choke a horse.
Sir!
You don't have to do that, I'm not in the Army anymore.
Sir, we'd like you to have the Villista standard that we captured at Carrizal.
But I wasn't there I was at Guerrero.
Yes, sir and if you hadn't been at Guerrero not a man in our unit would've walked out of Carrizal alive.
Sir.
It's been an honor, sir.
Thank you.
Miss Stuart.
Colonel.
Goodbye, sir.
If you're ever down Tucson way, drop in and say hello to an old war-horse.
Thank you, sir, I will.
Stay out of the brig, Mr. Buxton.
I'll do my best, Miss Stuart.
Gentlemen in compliance with War Department orders the 12th Cavalry is to be incorporated with the 23rd Infantry.
I'll expect utmost cooperation from all officers and men.
I will brook no slackness within my command.
Additionally, by Special Order AG 474.71: "Subject: 
Salary.
"Salaries to all enlisted personnel, including officers...
"... shall be reduced 15 percent, henceforth.
"Special Order AG 474.72: 
Subject: 
Saber.
"The saber is discontinued as an item of issue to the cavalry. "
Finally it has been directed by Chief of Staff General MacArthur that in these times of increasing economic hardship the cavalry is to dispose of excess horses.
With the cooperation of the Mexican government these remounts will be driven across the border to be thereby disposed of, two days hence.
Lt. Buxton, you will be in charge of this exercise.
Details will be worked out with Sgt. Gruber.
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
Army is the whipping boy of Congress.
Our supporters are either in insane asylums or the movies.
Major Forrest, dismiss them.
Ten-hut!
Dismissed!
Sir!
I request permission to be excused from this detail, sir.
Request denied.
Sir!
I cannot, in good conscience, be part of it, sir.
Cannot?
You'll do as ordered, mister, or face a goddamned court-martial!
Your conscience be damned!
May I see your written orders?
-You may not.
-Is there a written order, sir?
You're insubordinate.
Dismissed.
Hand it in, son.
Mr. Buxton! 
Lieutenant!
Better come quick, sir. 
It's Libbey.
Sergeant!
Sir!
Beg pardon, sir.
Go straight to hell.
You go to hell.
I'm already there.
There's nothing left.
No horses.
No cavalry.
No honor.
Goddamn it.
I hate what this world's becoming.
So do I.
Sergeant carry on.
They should've been here by now, Sergeant.
Just a couple of minutes, sir.
Have these men fall back.
506 remounts, as requested and ordered, sir.
May I remind you, we're soldiers, not cowboys.
Cowboys use lariats, Mr. Buxton, soldiers utilize crops.
500 head are a lot to handle, sir.
The pit can handle only 100 at a time.
Instruct your men to divide them up and bring them in order.
Yes, sir.
Sgt. Gruber, prepare your men.
I'm not happy about this, Sergeant.
No, sir.
But then, we're cavalry, you're artillery.
There was a time when artillery depended on horses.
And they were properly retired to Fort Sill.
They weren't murdered.
I won't bandy words with you.
Carry on.
Let's cut out 100 of them and drive 'em down into the pit!
I hate to see this.
Platoon, lock and load.
Ready.
Take aim!
Fire!
God help us.
-We never even killed the enemy like that. 
-Shut up, Tom.
We gotta do something.
Like what? 
You got general stars on your collar?
Finish it, Sergeant.
1st Platoon, pick your targets and fire at will.
This ain't right, Top.
We can stop it, before they shoot any more.
Stop it, sir?
How?
By moving the remainder of the horses to safety.
Are you suggesting we steal the herd?
I suggest we take them into custody before they murder any more.
Take 'em where?
Away from those guns.
Goddamn it, I love those horses, but this smacks of insanity, sir.
That's insanity.
I suggest you decide now, Lieutenant.
Let's go. 
Tom!
Watch it!
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Saving the rest of the remounts.
-This is mutiny!
-No, sir!
A cavalryman's first duty is to his horses.
Regulations specifically forbid endangering their lives outside of enemy engagement.
This expedition is an illegal act by the War Department.
Illegal act?
Yes! 
Have you seen written orders?
As remounts officer, you're in charge of this!
I command the infantry.
It's also my belief, since I've seen no written orders.
I believe my first duty is to the horses.
Lt. Buxton, you've lost your wits.
Yes, sir.
Cut loose the machine guns now.
-No, sir!
-Sergeant!
Have your men take possession of those guns!
Damn it, Jack, don't do this!
Now, we'll take possession of the remounts, sir.
This'll mean Leavenworth.
I will await the results of the court-martial, sir.
They have to be stopped!
Any suggestions as to how, sir?
Arrest them, damn it!
I doubt they'll submit, not without a fight.
I've known Jack Libbey 20 years.
Not a man I'd care to tangle with.
Damn them!
Yes, sir.
And you just let them go?
Begging the Colonel's pardon, we thought it was...
I'll remind you, Major, we're under War Department orders!
Where are they now?
They could be anywhere, but I think they'll held north.
North!
North indicates a vast area, Major.
North is all of America!
Sergeant.
Cable the details of this fiasco to the War Department requesting instructions.
Major.
Assemble the regiment.
I want "B" Troop patrolling the Mexican border.
The mechanized column will move north.
I want those men taken.
I want their hides framed and hanging on my wall!
Yes, sir.
May I speak, sir?
Be concise and constructive, Sergeant!
There's a lot of open country out there.
They know how to move quietly and cover their tracks.
Four hundred horses aren't easy to hide.
No, sir, but there's desert and canyonland to the north and not many paved roads.
So, your vehicles will be worthless.
My vehicles will do quite well, mister.
They'll transport a squadron of your fine troopers to within striking distance and you'll effect the capture of the renegades.
Yes, sir.
Colonel.
If they refuse to surrender, then shoot them.
The genie's out of the bottle, sir we don't have the cork.
What now?
Tell you the truth, Sergeant, I haven't a notion.
What insane hell have we gotten ourselves into?
Trouble?
We've gotten ourselves into a lot of trouble.
Sir.
Col. Hardesty is bound to come after us.
And soon.
Head north by northwest.
Meet me at a place called Broken Hill. 
You know the spot?
I do indeed, sir.
And you?
If I ride hard, I can make Tucson by tonight.
I'll catch up with you sometime tomorrow.
Well, now.
We're out here, on our own, no plan.
An officer that couldn't lead flies to shit.
And Shawn here says, "Well, now... " like a priest.
That's one scared little lieutenant.
Let's not count him out yet.
It's the tread. 
This tank's not going anywhere!
Move it!
I need to speak with your father.
Oh, God Almighty!
The Army has gone mad.
So, then, you and your men you conspired to mutiny.
There were no written orders.
I don't consider it mutiny.
May I remind you that you are an officer in the U. S. Army.
You have taken an oath to obey orders whether they're written or not!
Sir.
Gen. MacArthur has decided that the cavalry is obsolete.
He may be right, I do not know.
When they muster the troops, they thank them and wish them well.
They don't march them behind the barracks and shoot them.
The cavalry is men and horses.
We have a tradition, and a duty to protect them.
They fight and die beside us, they deserve the same respect and the same honor.
Well it's a point of honor, all right.
Given the situation if I was in your position I hope to God I could do the same.
Stop gaping, woman!
Now, what's your plan?
Well, Hardesty is south.
I thought we might move north.
That's not a plan, that's a direction!
The truth is with all due respect to the Army nothing at the Point prepared me for this.
I don't know what rules apply anymore.
I was hoping that you could help me.
I don't know what to do, sir.
First of all, sit down.
You've fallen out of the fold, that's for sure.
The War Department will give you little mercy.
Gen. Douglas MacArthur will give you none!
Now, you have to make a choice.
You can either fall back, or go forward.
Back is wrong, sir.
There you are.
That's your first, willful conscious decision.
And that's what makes a leader.
-You got a map?
-No, I haven't, sir.
Here you are one map one compass and that's about all the help you'll get.
-Thank you, sir.
-Another thing.
Listen to Sgt. Libbey, he's a hell of a soldier.
I will, sir.
Lieutenant.
Good luck.
Thank you.
You're a damn boy scout, aren't you?
What do you mean?
Stealing 400 horses from the Army to save them.
You're out of your mind.
I don't exactly consider it stealing.
They were about to be destroyed.
I wish you luck, Lieutenant.
Thank you.
You'll need it.
You could've been more generous.
I gave him the best advice I could.
You gave him a map, and sent him on his way.
-What'd you want me to do, join him?
-I don't know.
You can't just leave him out there.
I did everything I could do!
You're retired. 
Not dead.
-I know what I can do. 
-Sure, you're going to write your article.
You know what'll happen?
No publisher in the country will print it.
Gen. MacArthur will see to that.
You know MacArthur.
You go to him and tell him to stop this.
Come on, please, don't be ridiculous.
You just go ahead.
You write your article.
Let me think about it.
Papa, there's lots of horses coming!
In a minute, son. 
I have a problem here.
Hell's bells, I can't see through all this steam.
Sure this is the right place, Jack?
It's Broken Hill.
Jack!
Shame, he gave up a damn good career.
We threw away a damn good retirement, didn't we?
Welcome back, sir.
You seem to know this country pretty well.
My father and I hunted here when I was a kid, but that's about it.
From here north it's guess work, map work and a whole lot of luck.
North, sir?
We've got to keep moving, find a place to wait out the Army.
That's a bit like waiting out God, sir.
Can't be done.
North is either sparse and dry, or wet and cold this time of year.
North's as good a choice as any.
Travel at night, sir?
May I suggest that we travel by day as much as possible.
Make better time.
Good, then.
We'll leave in two hours, if you men are up to it.
We're not that old, sir.
We just look like it.
Mulcahey, you and Quinlain and Shattuck tend to the horses, then get some rest.
What do you think Hardesty'll do?
I think if he finds us, he'll try to engage us.
I've never been in combat.
You have.
-Perhaps you're better qualified...
-Beg your pardon, sir.
This is your detail.
I hope it doesn't come to combat, but if it does there's nothing I can tell you that you won't learn in the first 5 seconds.
Sir, Hardesty's traveling nearly 30 miles an hour.
At that rate, they should engage them by nightfall.
Thank you, ma'am.
-Where do you think they are now?
-Probably in the White Mountains.
And the Army?
They're probably running around the mountains looking for a paved road trying to catch 400 horses they know nothing about.
How long since you were in Washington?
Washington...
I've been there eight or nine years ago.
The last time I was there I was with your mother.
She loved army life.
But she hated to travel.
Mother did not love the Army. 
She loved you.
Same difference.
Big difference.
Are we going to go on for the rest of our lives just butting heads?
Probably.
You're just like your mother.
No, I'm not.
I'm like you.
Hey!
I'll tell MacArthur you send him your love. 
How's that?
Easy.
Steady.
This is just the damn beginning.
We're pushing them too damn hard.
It's hopeless, goddamn it!
I'll let you know when it's hopeless, Mr. Shattuck!
Until then, we're moving north, hard and fast.
How many more die before that?
I don't know. 
Some will.
If you wanna quit, why don't you quit right now?
No, sir.
Well done, sir.
Damn it, it's going to cost us a day.
Capt. Novadin.
Proceed north across the river with the mounted troop.
Yes, sir. 
You'll remain here?
No. 
We'll move to the northwest.
We'll operate as a pincer, with the deserters between us.
You will locate them, drive them to us...
-... we'll bring this matter to a close.
-Yes, sir.
Major, offload the horses!
Get these goddamned trucks turned around!
Break out the mounts!
Yes, sir.
Let's turn these trucks around.
I need a mechanic. 
This goddamn radiator's shot.
Fifty miles should take us just west of Rock Springs.
Address the Lieutenant.
Sir.
Dust, sir.
That's a mounted patrol.
They're at least 30 miles off.
So much for grazing the green pastures.
Let's get that herd moving.
Moving where, sir?
Up there, Mr. Quinlain.
We go up there. 
It's our only choice.
You heard him, boys. 
Let's go.
The General sends his apologies, but his schedule is full right now.
He can't be that busy.
You tell him I'll be back.
-I don't...
-Tell him I will be back tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that!
I want a word with that man!
It's a fascinating story!
Why are you giving it to me?
There isn't a paper in the country willing to be the first to criticize MacArthur.
So, if I publish photos and file the story in London...
The press over here will have to pick it up.
Good boy, Ahab.
Indians!
How many?
A thousand or so.
I knew it. 
Where?
Montana.
What are you talking about?
The horses.
I don't follow your thought, Lieutenant.
The Sioux Reserve is right here just below the Canadian border.
There are about 1,000 Indians on a lot of land.
They all love horses.
It's good grazing country, too.
Are you suggesting the cavalry give its horses to Indians?
That's exactly what I'm suggesting.
Don't that beat all?
Army'll go in and get 'em back.
That's the beauty of it.
By law, they have to be treated as a separate nation.
No federal troops are allowed on the reservation.
It's a fine plan, sir.
It's decided then: 
Indians.
The Indians riding cavalry mounts my granddaddy'd never forgive me.
When you get to hell, don't tell him.
Beg pardon, Colonel.
These are my men.
You mind if I take a look?
I could get my ass handed to me for this.
They're pushing us, straight to Hardesty.
The main unit will be ahead.
Looks like they've got us all sewn up.
Nothing that's sewn, that can't be unsewn.
I just don't see any way around them.
Go back to your cavalry tactics manual.
Genghis Khan knew a trick or two.
You know what that means?
Yes, sir, I do.
Tonight.
Lead with the geldings.
That way they won't nicker.
No mares, no warnings.
Let's get back.
-If they're ready and waiting?
-And what if they shoot?
I mean, do we shoot back?
They're not the enemy.
Like hell, they're not.
It didn't stop them at Anacostia.
To them, we're deserters.
They're gonna be shootin' at us. 
I'm shootin' back.
We aren't shooting' back.
We just have to break through, and we're gone.
It'll take them time to regroup and follow.
We're in Montana now, we have a chance.
Unload your weapon, James.
You hear that? 
Everybody up!
-It's a stampede!
-It's the horses!
Get up!
Sons of bitches!
-We did it!
-Did you see that camp go down?
It's gonna take them soldiers days to regroup!
There's still a mounted patrol behind us.
Now they know where we are.
I suggest deliberate and steady going.
Take no chances and little forage, sir.
All right, Top.
Christ Almighty!
We'll have to close that wound or it'll take infection.
God!
Ready, Top?
Yes, goddamn it, do it.
The General will see you now.
It's been two weeks.
I'm getting calls, Owen.
Calls from a newspaper in London.
Today, I even got an inquiry from the Washington Chronicle.
Rumors are rampant.
The President is asking questions.
I'm to meet with him next week.
I hold you and your daughter responsible.
You always did blame somebody else when your plans failed.
I have to battle Congress and Roosevelt on a daily basis to keep this army alive.
I understand.
No, you don't.
Hitler's rebuilding the German army.
Last month he met Mussolini in Venice.
There's talk of a pact.
C'mon now, it's peace time.
The Japanese are expanding into China.
War is around the corner, Owen.
Modern war, and we're not ready.
I have nothing against the horses.
They've outlived their time.
They're soldiers to us. 
They go in battle with us, they get wounded!
Time and time again, they've saved our lives!
They're not worth what it costs me to feed them!
The Germans and the Japanese have tanks.
Good tanks, fine tanks, in great numbers.
We have 12.
Twelve tanks in the entire U. S. Army.
I can't afford a cavalry we can't use.
What about the men?
They're good men, just trying to do their duty.
Put yourself in their shoes!
But then, who would be in mine?
No, Owen, these soldiers of yours, these renegades, will be caught.
They'll face a general court-martial.
They'll be convicted and punished appropriately.
The horses will be destroyed as I have ordered.
This is a time of a great depression. 
The people need heroes...
No!
God help you when the public finds out about your actions! 
They'll devour you!
Even if they could, they wouldn't.
I'm General Douglas MacArthur.
The country needs me, and they know it.
You're dismissed.
General I'm not in the Army, anymore.
Hut!
Lieutenant!
Lieutenant!
These six are finished.
Ahab's feet are split clean-through, Top.
They're finished.
They'll slow us down.
We can't compromise the herd.
Form them into a parade, and do it quick, before the 12th is on us.
Top?
Do not look to Top for confirmation! 
I gave a direct order.
Shit!
It had to come to this, didn't it?
At least we're not herding them into pits and slaughtering them.
Lieutenant!
I'll handle it.
We've got them, Sergeant.
Let's go!
I'll see you in hell, Ahab.
Let's move out.
Colonel!
They were sighted northeast of here.
My opinion is, they're attempting to cross at the Sioux Reserve.
We'll move to flank them.
Sir!
Move out smartly, Corporal.
Good move, Buxton.
Good move.
Montana.
I'll cable London.
C'mon, c'mon!
They cut 'em off.
Mulcahey, scout the left and southern flanks.
Whoa!
Get after them!
No!
Sergeant, I order you to stop!
Nothing more can be done for him now.
He was following an order.
My order.
You gave a soldier an order, he obeyed.
There's always a price.
We gotta keep moving, sir.
We got the 12th on our ass.
And we're flanked over there.
You think we could get past them to the reserve?
No, sir.
Then, it's Canada.
Canada?
We'll have to make a run for it and pray there's no one at the border.
-Mount up!
-What about Mulcahey?
If you want to give him a funeral, start digging.
Ready when you are, sir.
Corporal, organize a detail.
Prepare Mr. Mulcahey's body for transportation.
What are you doing? 
We have to keep after those men.
Take charge of it for proper burial.
This man was a renegade and a thief.
There's been no court, no review!
This man was a soldier!
We'll treat him with dignity.
You'll face charges for this.
If you wish to pursue and single-handedly capture them I'm sure the War Department will commend you.
Not one of my men moves until this soldier's taken care of.
No sign of them.
How do you figure that?
It's Mulcahey. 
He took care of their horses better than anyone.
-They pay their respects and give us time.
-You used a dead man!
Goddamn right, I did!
And I'd do it again.
That'll be Hardesty coming to intercept us.
All right!
This is us. 
This is Milk River at the Canadian border.
This is Hardesty.
And the main body of the 23rd will probably cut us off here.
-I'm too goddamn old for this, Jack.
-Quit.
The whole goddamned regiment's chasing us!
I don't even know what we're doing anymore!
You're free to back out, James.
You, too, Shawn.
With your permission, sir.
We traveled nearly 2,000 miles together.
If you men wanna stop now you go ahead, no blame from me.
Christ on a crutch!
Hell, I've never been a quitter.
And neither is Shattuck.
Are ya?
No, I'll stick, you goddamn son of a bitch!
C'mon!
Well, then, let's go to Canada.
To the right is Milk River and the Canadian border.
That's the main encampment, over there. 
Two miles, I'd say.
They're in a good position.
They'll move fast when they spot us.
I suggest we move slow, so we don't raise dust.
We'll rest the remounts for the final dash.
We might just make it.
Yes, sir we might.
Good afternoon! 
This area's restricted.
We're the press, Corporal.
No civilians allowed.
This is Miss Jessica Stuart.
I'm Evan Buckley, a photographer for the London Tribune.
Please step out of the car, Miss Stuart.
I'm going to escort Miss Stuart to Col. Hardesty.
We'll have to detain you here, sir.
Am I under arrest, Colonel?
You're way off-limits here, Miss Stuart.
You will be detained until this exercise is over.
As for the deserters, we're ordered to shoot to kill if necessary.
That's official. 
From MacArthur himself.
Not many men get that order.
I have the privilege of attacking my own men, again.
Twice in one career.
You could choose to ignore it.
I won't.
I've been taught to obey and follow orders.
I will not do otherwise, Miss Stuart.
Being Army yourself, you should understand.
The chief of staff is building a new, modern army out of the ruins of the old.
This is insanity.
Certainly.
What would you have me do?
Give them a chance.
-File a protest with MacArthur.
-I already have.
Then file another.
-I've sent a wire.
-Wait for an answer.
I have my answer, Miss Stuart!
If you think I won't report this, then think again.
When you fire on those men, I will witness it and I will not be silent.
Corporal!
Keep Miss Stuart company.
Contact headquarters.
Advise them we have the renegades in sight and under the gun.
Mounties.
You think they're there to stop us?
No, they're waiting with cookies and milk.
A damned white flag?
Maybe they're surrendering.
You're outmanned and outgunned.
Looks like you've lost a good number of horses.
We can still save what's left.
You'd risk your life?
Your men's lives on a whim?
-They're on the table.
-Christ, Jack.
We got four 75 mm howitzers on your flank!
-Orders are shoot to kill.
-Give it up, man.
Stand the court. 
At least there's some honor in that.
We're not surrendering the horses.
You do whatever you have to do.
He's young and headstrong.
You and the others are just plain fools, Sgt. Libbey.
In your eyes, I suppose so.
Let's go!
We're pretty spread out for a dash and it's gonna have to be a dash.
Spread out ain't so bad. 
Is it, Mr. Quinlain?
Not a bit.
Looks like I lead.
With your permission, sir.
Take the point, Sergeant.
Take the right flank, Shattuck.
I reckon we could take it from here, sir.
Meaning what?
Shattuck, Quinlain and me, we're kind of like the buffalo.
We've had our day.
We're lucky we lived this long.
But it doesn't have to end for you here.
You can turn back now stand the court.
Hell, blame it on us.
I'd be honored to take the blame for any crime you committed.
Are you suggesting I relinquish command of this detail?
No, sir.
Good, then.
Carry on.
C'mon, Quinlain.
Hello, darlin'! 
Did you miss me?
Move it, move it!
My God.
All right, outta the truck. 
Let's go!
Adjust the guns.
Elevation?
-Forty degrees!
-Range find!
One thousand yards!
-Elevation?
-Forty degrees!
One thousand yards.
Elevation?
Forty degrees!
Colonel! 
Stop! 
They've been granted full pardon.
-By whom?
-Roosevelt! 
Read it!
Before it's too late.
It's already too late.
Fire!
Fire!
Fire!
Well done, Sergeant.
They fired high and wide.
It would appear so.
Forrest never was much of an artilleryman.
Like hell.
Are we under arrest?
Have you broken a law in Canada?
We came over the river uninvited.
That you did. 
But I consider it a minor infraction.
What are your plans for the horses?
Only to keep them alive.
What about you, lads? 
You gonna make yourselves useful?
It'd be nice to have a new bunch of fellows to tell my lies to.
TO COL. 
OWEN STUART WAR DEPARTMENT COMMS OFFICE
MEN AND HORSES SAFE IN CANADA LOVE YOU DAD.
JESSICA.
I'm glad somebody else likes horses.
Well, we made it, sir.
Two thousand miles.
Another long story about a quick decision.
Where you headed?
I reckon I spent enough time in the Army.
I'm thinkin' about the Yukon, see what that looks like.
Alaska? 
Good God.
We've been heading north for so long, kind of hard to change direction.
And you?
You told me that you hated what this country was becoming.
I do, too.
I wanna help change it.
I'm gonna go back and stand the court.
I hope you kick their ass.
I do too, Top.
You take care, Jack.
You too, sir.
C'mon!
No animals were harmed during the making of this film.

Finally, it's summer.
I'm thinking about a few things I should not think about, maybe.
After all, I'm only 16 years old, although I'll be 17 soon.
Sometimes I don't recognize myself.
Mom regrets the little and kind boy that she could analyze so well.
But it's normal to want to keep certain things for oneself.
Everybody does that.
What do you do when you spend all those hours alone in your room?
- I think.
- How wise.
Why don't you listen to Madonna's albums anymore?
You won't believe it, but I miss that.
To be a teenager is difficult.
Don't speak with your mouth full.
The king has spoken.
One must not speak with a full mouth.
My diplomas should allow me to help a reserved and uncommunicative son.
We're asking you because we love you.
Are you on drugs? 
Did you kill anyone?
Are you a terrorist?
Are you in love?
You don't understand anything.
- I only want to help you.
- Perfect.
In love! 
As soon as one becomes 13, they take out their psychology books.
But they don't work for everyone.
There's always someone who doesn't match any category.
Someone who's between two worlds, between two ages.
Hello, Sebastian.
I didn't see you arrive.
Ulf!
What are you going to do?
I got bored to death.
- So, what shall we do?
- Go for a walk?
- What do you mean?
- Let's go around a little.
Show us how you walk.
What if this is the last summer that we'll spend together?
With Lisbeth it's already over.
Maybe Ulf will also disappear.
The express train to Oslo will pass along track 1.
Money. money.
Problem number 1.
We'll have to sell our bodies.
What?
I gotta go.
I'm coming with you.
- You look weird.
- How, "weird"?
As if you weren't really there.
You may be right.
Mom thinks I am a case.
A psychiatric case.
- You have a black stain on the nose.
- Where?
- Has it gone away?
- Not completely.
- Let go of me!
- No way, I'm holding you!
Everyone will think we're gay.
I have had enough of the jokes about the homosexuals. 
They make me sick.
- Were you going home?
- Not really.
I should babysit the little ones.
My mother has to go out.
Last night my father came home dead drunk. 
He almost broke down the door.
- What happened?
- You could not understand.
Soon, I will be strong enough to return him every stroke.
- I'm coming home with you.
- Are you sure you wanna do it?
Of course.
I have had enough of being broke all the time.
Don't let yourself down, Ulf.
You will manage to do anything you want.
You're my best friend, Sebastian.
I have an idea.
Let's go for a robbery.
- What?
- A robbery. 
At the supermarket.
The supermarket? 
It's right in front of the police station!
Then, let's find something better to do!
- My little baby.
- Ulf!
- Mom is angry.
- And you went out to look for me?
Dad phoned and mom went angry.
- You cannot come.
- I understand.
See you.
- Thank you.
- What for?
For the lovely day.
Maybe we should really commit a robbery.
That way, the cops would bring us back home and they would finally understand that I'm not a kind, little boy anymore.
- Why that strange look?
- I have no strange look.
- Is it because of a girl?
- No. 
There is no girl.
Things will be alright.
"Things will be alright". 
How many times have I heard you say that?
We've known each other for 18 years.
That makes about 100.000 times.
You'll make me crazy.
Things will be alright.
- Sebastian, we should speak seriously once.
- Should we?
No one but the two of us.
On a neutral ground.
- Your face is dirty.
- Mind your own business.
Once, we could speak of everything.
I don't want you to know all about me anymore.
We like honesty in this house. 
That's all.
They make the best cakes in town.
Do you feel at ease?
I must go to the toilet.
Sebastian?
What the...
Sebastian?
But what's wrong with him?
- What?
- Where were you?
And you, where were you?
I've waited for you for ten minutes.
- You're silly!
- Maybe.
- Do you need anything?
- No, not really.
Will life always be like this?
Why do I always ruin everything?
Why couldn't I keep being in love with Lisbeth?
What was wrong with that?
Why am I afraid to show who I am?
Why do I have to hide?
What am I afraid of?
It could begin any moment.
They're going to start nagging. 
Nag nag.
Come on, begin. 
Otherwise it'll be a boring dinner.
- Why are you sitting like that, Sebastian?
- I have no brains.
- Seriously.
- I have none.
Do you cry in your room?
Leave me alone!
- What's wrong?
- Nothing is wrong!
Of course something is!
That is so obvious.
We want you to tell us yourself.
I'm not sick.
And you aren't at work, here.
Why don't you bring...
I didn't know that you were so stupid!
It's Monday...
You've said that.
I have to go.
Ulf, I have something to ask you.
- No, forget it.
- I'll come home with you.
- Would you?
- Yes.
- But my parents are there.
- So what? 
Let's go.
Do I look alright?
- What a terrific boy!
- Stop acting so silly!
Okay, forgive me.
He is everything but terrific.
I would be delighted to make his acquaintance.
There's something very wrong with you.
- Your parents are terrific.
- You met them 10 seconds ago.
- I can feel these kinds of things.
- Not again!
- What you do mean?
- People feel too many things.
What you do you mean by that?
Your room is nice.
The music is cool.
Shall we make some waffles?
How dumb!
Yes.
I'm going to the movies with Torbjörn and after that we'll go to drink something.
- Your mother is beautiful.
- What do you mean!
Yes, she's pretty.
You don't imagine how irritating she can be.
- Sometimes you don't like me at all.
- Sorry. 
I don't know what happened to me.
It has nothing to do with you.
Here.
I used to have the same car.
It got lost during a removal.
That one... that one...
Finally, Evelyn!
You look awful.
My cousin left it here.
- Shall we put on some makeup?
- What have you said?
- Shall we make up our eyes?
- I understood. 
But why?
Why not? 
Just for fun.
- I don't have any makeup.
- Your mother must as well have some!
Okay.
- Have you ever done that?
- No. 
Well, once, a very long time ago.
- What should I do?
- Put it there, in your eye, I think.
- In the eye?
- Yes... no. 
Just beneath.
Then you do the same above.
- I'll never make it.
- I am going to help you.
- Turn around.
- What?
Come here.
- Don't move your eyes. 
Let me work.
- My life is in your hands.
- I can't.
- What's up?
I am... full.
Oh yes, because of the waffles.
I'll try it myself.
- It's a se...
- Secret.
- Why don't we go out?
- Are you crazy? 
To this dark hole?
Sure! 
Here people don't know what is cool.
An earring already seems shocking to them.
All rock stars make up.
But they're rock stars, and they don't live here.
We're plain youngsters.
- Be patient!
- Sorry.
- It'll be terrific.
- Of course.
Here, you can watch now.
Fantastic.
Don't peep.
- It's ticklish.
- Don't move.
You can watch.
What animal does that represent?
You got so serious all of a sudden.
I must go. 
I was supposed to leave a long time ago.
I should look after the kids.
You always have to look after them.
One would say that they're yours.
They are also mine.
Don't be angry.
I didn't mean it...
We could play billiards in the cellar.
Or watch a video.
You can also sleep here, if you want.
Inga has a sore throat and my mother has to work.
Stay with me.
- Sebastian here.
- Aren't you coming?
- I'm not...
- Everybody is there.
- Where?
- At the station, of course.
One last thing: if you do it, we won't be buddies anymore.
- Do what?
- Ulf and you.
- Did Ulf tell you?
- Yes. 
And we don't like it.
Is Ulf over there?
What did he say?
- He's bragging about it.
- What?
He told in detail how you two will do it.
- What?
- Have you gone crazy?
- You're acting strange.
- I feel strange. 
What's Ulf saying?
- He doesn't stop chattering.
- But, how is he?
As usual. 
He is a little strange.
Do you want to speak to him?
No.
- He says you'll put on some wigs.
- Wigs?
For the robbery.
I must think of something quick.
As quick and logical as possible.
Shit, what happened here?
It looks like a battlefield.
Is your dear buddy a delinquent?
He isn't my dear buddy!
I am so sick that I can't even move my toes.
- What's wrong, Sebastian?
- Nothing, really.
Of course not.
We had a little fun.
Sit down.
- And then we made some waffles.
- We noticed.
- And then we had a bath.
- We noticed that too.
Are you attracted to boys?
I made myself ridiculous with Ulf.
I can't go out anymore.
Are you going to spend the rest of your days here?
So, are you...
I think so.
- Are you going to throw me out?
- You watch too many films.
- What do you think of it?
- I'm not enthusiastic about it.
- Why didn't you tell us?
- What was I supposed to say?
I'm pretty confused.
I want to know what you think of it.
I...
You are still you...
- What you do think of me?
- We aren't used to...
Well, I'm used to.
I don't know what to say.
That summarizes it all.
What do you do want me to say?
Should I play the most understanding one?
Of course not. 
It's just...
It is not a problem.
It is not a problem.
It is... fantastic.
It's what I wanted to say.
Then, say it!
It doesn't matter.
If he is like that, he is like that.
- You don't have to cry.
- I'm not crying.
- You are.
- No.
- Good, okay.
- I never cry.
Are we going to celebrate?
Yes, we have to celebrate.
- They kind of bombed the kitchen!
- We'll celebrate while cleaning up.
So, that's it. 
I'm gay.
A lot of people are gay.
That's what I've heard, at least.
Damn it!
Is someone gay only because they kissed their best friend?
It just happened, that's all.
Hello Lisa. 
Where is Ulf?
Where's Ulf?
It's delicious.
- I'm really sorry.
- Forget it.
- I don't know what happened to me.
- What are you talking about?
- Do you want me to leave?
- Don't be ridiculous.
- Did you go out last night?
- Yes, my mother didn't work.
What about the robbery?
I invented that to have something to talk about.
Shall we join the others?
- Lisbeth and Jan are at work.
- And Linda?
- She never goes out alone.
- Sometimes, she's really weird.
- She's a little nervous, that's all.
- How do you know?
- She told me.
- Only you?
Yes.
- When?
- I don't remember.
We spent a lot of time together.
- Where?
- Around.
- Do you want me to leave?
- No, why?
My eyes were red and swollen, yesterday. 
Mom thought that I was sick.
- What did you tell her?
- I couldn't tell her of the makeup.
so, I said I had smoked a joint.
I have to go. 
I have to do my mother's job again.
- I can help you, if you want.
- Would you?
Yes, if you please.
Don't you think that...
What should I think?
At home it's always messy.
I'm the one who cleans up.
The little ones need me.
School is like a holiday for me.
I never know what awaits for me at home, if mom will be lying on the couch while the little ones are left alone, or even if she'll be there at all.
What about your father?
I don't want anything from him.
I don't want to see him.
- Why?
- I am afraid to become like him.
But that will never happen.
Are you gay?
- What?
- You heard me well.
- Why do you say that?
- You kissed me on the lips.
Are you?
I don't think so. 
Even if I slept with a buddy, once.
What? 
But... when?
With whom?
Where I used to live.
But I don't think that it's my thing.
Enough now.
Answer me.
Yes, sorry.
Stop apologizing all the time.
You didn't do anything wrong.
Didn't I?
You don't know how much I can bear...
Are you homosexual?
I don't know. 
I think so.
You'll account for that!
- Promise you won't say anything.
- Stop it! 
Of course I won't.
We're friends, aren't we?
Say bye-bye to Sebastian.
Bye-bye, Sebastian.
You're privileged. 
She doesn't treat everyone like that.
- I want to look after her one evening.
- Seriously?
- Of course.
- I'll remember it.
Bye!
Now you'll go to bed.
Yes. 
You have to.
You have to lie down, otherwise, I am going to cry.
- Do you feel better?
- Yes, I feel better.
Little girls should be sleeping a lot.
To grow big and strong, one has to sleep and eat a lot.
- It's what one does.
- Except tonight, hey?
- How many hours must one sleep?
- At least 10 hours per night.
- So many?
- Yes.
Will you go to bed, now?
What if I put on a little play?
Okay, but you'll sit on the couch and watch.
The wolf ran to the grandmother's house.
He knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" "Little Red Riding Hood.
I brought you a cake and some wine".
"Pull the string and the door will open up".
The wolf entered and swallowed the grandmother in a gulp.
He wore her nightgown and her cap, and lay in her bed.
Right then, Little Red Riding Hood arrived at her grandmother's.
"Hello!" - she called, but no one answered.
She entered the room.
Her grandmother was lying there.
"You have big ears!"
"To hear you better, my child. "
"You have big hands!" "To hug you better, my child. "
"And you have a big mouth!" "To eat you better!"
No, I don't want that!
- Did I scare you?
- Mom...
Go, my little girls...
Hello, Lisbeth.
What an idiot!
- Is it so serious?
- He's mean.
Sebastian the Kind?
- He told us a bad story.
- He ate Little Red Riding Hood.
- Should I tell you another story?
- Yes.
Her naked feet were blue with cold.
She walked, starved and chilled...
You're always there when I need you.
- Aren't you there for me?
- No, not for you.
- You think too much, Sebastian.
- I like to think.
- That can also be frightening.
- Yes...
My father's last words were:
"Dream as much as you want, but keep your feet on earth. "
- Does it still hurt?
- A bit.
- Where is Ulf?
- He went to the cinema.
- Alone?
- I don't know.
I've had enough.
- Hello boys.
- It's Lisbeth's birthday.
- Can we offer you a coke?
- Yes. 
But let's hurry up.
What a day!
Girls are nice to look at.
But boys are too.
One doesn't have to be a girl to think that, do they?
And then, gay, hetero...
What do such words mean, after all?
Why me?
Why not Ulf? 
Or Janne?
Ulf is half homosexual.
I don't really need him.
Not even for a shitty robbery.
Hello, you!
Do you have a cigarette?
Where did we meet?
At the disco!
Come here, baby.
Don't you have a few minutes for me?
My little pal.
- What did they do to you?
- Who are you?
Why are you so nervous?
Go away!
Do you have a cent? 
Listen to me!
You could be my son.
Shit, what am I doing here?
What do I really want?
I know who I am for certain.
In your eyes, I see...
In your hand, I see...
I see...
Sebastian?
You shouted.
Gee, you're soaked.
- Was it so bad?
- Yes.
Will you be able to sleep?
Then, we'll speak tomorrow.
My little boy.
Your good and normal family needs you.
Sometimes things seem too certain and too beautiful, don't they?
But you know that everything I do is good.
Yes, maybe...
Shortly I'll go to live by myself.
Be prepared for that.
You're growing, my boy.
Some of my friends have more problems than I do
- and they got tougher.
- But you got more aware.
We didn't want you to face life all alone.
Yet, to discover life is a good thing.
Are you sure that it's worth while?
It's difficult to say what life is, madam.
But don't you ever think that you overprotected your son a bit too much?
- Overprotected?
- Even with the best intentions.
Are you sure that things are so difficult for him?
I must go to the toilet.
Mom?
It was my turn.
You can't control certain things.
Love, for example.
It's not eternal, is it?
I am who I am, and I'm happy with that.
I think.
Lisbeth has come to see you.
Do you want some coffee or tea?
It's easier to talk here than on the phone.
Can I come in?
You're already in.
Put off your jacket.
Take it easy!
I'll do my best.
- Do you want a coke?
- Yes, thank you.
Take it easy.
I didn't say anything.
- Who took my coke?
- Your father.
Take it easy.
I'm trying. 
Give her a glass of milk.
That will do her good.
My foolish husband finished the coke.
Do you want a glass of milk?
Skimmed milk?
I can say what I want to anyone I want.
I'd like a glass of skimmed milk, please.
So, how are you?
I may seem a little strange, but I am not totally myself today.
Your mother is very nice.
Come on...
She's a little nervous today.
- Where were you Friday evening?
- At the station. 
You didn't come...
I dined at my grandmother's.
I didn't know that she lived here, in this city.
She isn't my real grandmother, and we didn't actually dine.
Your head is in the clouds.
You're hiding a secret.
Look at me.
- Do you think I'm stupid?
- On the contrary.
Why did you come here?
I wanted to tell you that I understand more things than you can imagine.
I already suspected it, but now I think I know.
You can trust me, Sebastian.
- Jan saw you.
- Where?
Jan saw you by the station, when you ran away all of a sudden.
What happened?
It was just a sort of test.
Why did I ever go over there...
What did you need to prove, Sebastian?
Not to be quite like the others.
- No one has to know.
- What?
- No one. 
I'd rather die.
- No.
Yes.
Would it be a disaster if someone knew you're gay?
What? 
What am I?
Isn't it what you meant by "not like the others"?
Maybe.
But what you do think about the stupid clothes I wore?
That was a momentary thing.
A test, as you said.
You're not the only one, Sebastian.
I didn't see anybody else.
A physician at the hospital, the goalkeeper of the soccer team.
And between twenty and thirty students at the high school.
I am in love with Ulf.
Me too.
Everyone is in love with Ulf.
- I have a hair in my throat.
- Open your mouth.
Sebastian.
Is anything wrong, Sebastian?
What happened?
You opened the door!
I did.
- You opened the door of my room!
- Exactly.
- It is my room.
- It's in my house.
Did you smoke hashish?
I don't understand anything anymore.
- There was a hair in my throat.
- It was one of my hairs.
I really don't understand anything anymore.
You cannot fool your friends.
True friends understand you.
We don't find that strange or wrong.
Don't worry.
- I found a job for the holidays.
- Did you?
I am going to work like a slave at the bus station for a month.
I want to try and find a job too.
- I'm leaving with Linda.
- I know. 
Lisbeth told me.
In August we should do something together.
Who?
You and I. Something friendly.
- A little journey.
- Okay.
That's for you.
Thank you.
If tomorrow it's sunny, we could meet with the buddies at the beach.
We can ask them at once.
The three of them are coming.
Yes, here they are.
Now everybody knows.
I feel well.
Finally I dare.
Now, the real life is going to begin.

My mother is not getting enough exercise.
- We're doing everything possible.
- Why is she fed in her room?
We can't move everybody to the dining hall.
She needs to be around other people.
When she gets better she can participate.
She's not going to get better unless you keep her mobile.
If your mother were strong enough she'd get more exercise.
You promised hydrotherap y and a full-time staff.
- We'll do more when she's ready.
- Do I have to supervise it myself?
Dr. Benton, your mother broke her hip.
She won't heal overnight.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Chloe has no insurance. 
If you'd just spare a couple of hundred dollars...?
I've got to go, Mom. 
Bye.
- Is our chief resident in?
- He should be here any minute.
I need him for Joint Commission surveyors tonight for two hours.
- Rolando?
- Yeah...
I love chaos, but this is overdoing it.
I'm slow today, I've got a cold.
Call a replacement, go home.
- Is he a jerk?
- I don't know yet.
Carter?
Fadenhecht, Isidore.
Caught in a metal press.
Multiple lacs, BP 80 over 30, pulse 135, thready.
- How much blood loss?
- 500cc's.
Move him up slow, he's busted up enough. 
On three.
Got it? 
One, two, three.
- Mental status at scene?
- GCS 3-4-4. 
Had back pain.
No kidding.
- Stopped 18 minutes ago.
- Cross-table C-spine and chest.
- What size tube?
- Seven.
- Any I. D?
- Pulse ox 85.
- Put him on a ventilator.
- Pulse is weak, BP is falling.
Three large bore IVs, normal saline, wide open.
- Tube's in. 
Bag him.
- There's no pulse down here.
Call a surgeon before this guy loses his leg.
- Dr. Ross needs a surgeon.
- I'm on with them now.
- Have you reorganized my x-rays?
- Dr. Ross needs you. 
Crush case.
- Somebody gown me.
- Trouble, Peter.
Absent femoral, popliteal and dorsalis pedis pulses.
- No cap refill.
- BP 70 over 30.
Internally rotated and shortened, Carter.
- Fracture?
- Posterior dislocation.
Give me some room here.
Carter, hold his pelvis down.
Doug, stabilize his neck.
One, two, three.
- I felt a pop!
- Good.
- It's back in.
- Distal pulse is back.
- Well done, Peter.
- Call Ortho.
- You saved his leg.
- Yeah, well...
Legs are something I can save today.
- Mark?
- Hi.
- How did it go with Jen?
- I never got there.
She didn't want me to come up.
Wild Willie wants you to stay after your shift.
I can't do it.
Now's the time to earn points if you still want to be an attending.
Mark?
She said I could come up tonight.
I have to make a 7:30 train.
You know, I remember when we used to fight.
I wouldn't talk for a couple of days, but I knew things would work out.
This time I'm not so sure.
- Treatment for Legionnaires'?
- Erythromycin.
- The Boards are four months away.
- I'm bad on tests.
A kid's coming in with sudden hearing loss.
- I'll take the baby in Two.
- Okay.
- Carter, what about next year?
- I'm waiting on that surgical sub-I.
What about the ER sub-I?
Mark would recommend you.
- He's studying again.
- Really?
I heard they raised the Boards' failure rate.
- Dr. Benton needs you in Four.
- It went up to 10%.
- Seven students failed last year.
- Seven?
- Dr. Ross, Katie's got a problem.
- Hey, what can we do for you?
- Katie's kind of shell-shocked.
- As in "combat"?
She can't hear a thing.
It's "Take-your-daughter-to-work" day.
She pulled her muffs off on the firing range.
- Katie, do you hear a ringing?
- What?
- You hear this?
- What is that?
- That's louder.
- Wendy, call ENT for audiometry.
I want to rule out any middle ear damage.
- Where do you work?
- Great Lakes Naval Base.
I took her to morning gunnery exercises.
Why is there a naval base on Lake Michigan?
Who's gonna invade? 
Canadians?
- It only happens when he's eating.
- Hold still, Henry.
- Not in the mornings.
- Bounding pulses.
- Every night his lips turn blue.
- Please let him listen.
- It's his heart, isn't it?
- It's not your fault.
It's my family's genes.
They all have heart problems.
We need a chest x-ray and an EKG.
Go on, tell me.
I hear a murmur.
- It's his heart, isn't it?
- I think so.
- Girl coming in with head trauma.
- Page Benton.
Wanted my daughter to be a doctor but she's a hostess at a Hungarian restaurant.
Zsa Zsa's from Budapest.
- Locked her up...
- Mrs. Dibble, you need to stay in bed.
- Why?
- You stopped taking your lithium.
Malik, take Mrs. Dibble to Three.
Don't touch me. 
I am coming.
You're handsome. 
We could go to my place for dinner.
We'd have a lot of fun...
Bipolar. 
They found her in Grant Park sweeping the sidewalks.
I feel lucky to have the right brain chemicals.
- You okay?
- Fine. 
How's Chloe?
She wears all my clothes, never washes the dishes...
- She's coming for an ultrasound.
- You sound so enthusiastic.
I'll help her out, but she's not gonna run my life.
- I'm not gonna do it this time.
- Dr. Greene.
I need you for two hours at the end of your shift.
- Joint Commission survey.
- I can't. 
It's a bad night.
- Sure, it's gonna rain. 
I need you.
- I have personal business.
Since when do residents have a personal life?
I'm sorry. 
I do tonight.
Well, I guess I'll do it myself.
Screw him. 
Do what you have to do.
- She's really pale.
- She must have slipped in the hall.
I'm her homeroom teacher.
She was bleeding.
She's hypotensive. 60 palp.
Let's take her and shake her on my count. 
One, two, three.
- Haleh, cut off this bandage.
- She's breathing really hard.
- Does she use drugs?
- No, not Samantha.
- Is there a history of seizures?
- I don't know.
Pupils equal and reactive to light.
What do you think, Carter?
Could be a blood clot, bleeding in the brain. 
Seizure disorder.
Let's get a head CT, CBC, Chem-7.
- Run a blood sugar.
- BP's down to 60 over nothing.
- Arrhythmia. 
V-tach.
- She's crashing!
What the hell is happening?
Paddles! 
Move! 
100!
- Clear!
- Clear.
- No, I hate psychiatrists.
- You've put this off long enough.
A guy kicked his daughter out of a window and I slugged him.
- Go see the shrink, Doug.
- The guy didn't sue.
I need to close the file.
Allan Murphy, room 607, 3 p.m.
Are you doing your job or is it because I'm so wonderful?
- I'm sort of fond of you.
- Ouch.
- I get kidney infections.
- As a urologist, you should know better.
- Why didn't you take Bactrim?
- Physician heel thyself.
We never do.
- Where do you practice?
- Seattle. 
Evangeline.
We have a great ER, but the weather stinks.
That's it. 
Flank tenderness.
Temp 98.9.
Gimme a 100 meperidine for pain.
- Let's make the diagnosis first.
- It hurts like hell.
I'm sure your diagnosis is correct, but let's get a urinalysis.
- BP is still down.
- Her glucose is through the roof.
Oh, God, it's not a seizure.
IV loading dose insulin 10 units.
Start an infusion, 5 units an hour.
Carter, come here.
- Her coma is not from head trauma.
- Smells like fruit.
Diabetic coma.
She has ketoacidosis.
Get a blood gas.
Run in a liter of saline wide open.
- Did she eat anything today?
- We had a birthday party.
She had chocolate cake and I think some ice cream.
- Why is a diabetic eating sugar?
- I didn't know she was diabetic.
Call me when the Chem-7 is back.
I want a potassium every 30 minutes.
- I can turn the case over to Ross.
- I said I want a potassium.
Carter, stitch her head.
What do you want? 
6-0 nylon?
I have nightmares that I'm getting married in a peach gown.
- I kind of like peach.
- You don't wear it every day.
Why do nurses wear colors and doctors white?
- Doctors are pure and good.
- Does that include me?
- No.
- A Linda Farrell called.
That sounds familiar.
- You used to date her?
- That's right.
Dr. Greene, rescue 64's bringing in a bleeding drunk.
Mark? 
Tag and I need a ring bearer and we'd love to have Rachel.
That'll be great. 
I don't know where we're gonna be in May.
I have to ask Jennifer, but I'm sure it'll be fine.
- Susie! 
Hey.
- You look great in my jacket.
- I don't feel great. 
I'm scared.
- Don't worry, it'll be okay.
I broke your blender.
I was trying to make a milk shake...
Blenders break.
Why are you being so nice to me?
Because you're not going to screw up anymore, right?
- Vomiting blood.
- BP 90 over 60, pulse thready at 145.
Smells like he's been putting it away all day.
- Did he hit his head?
- Negative.
- What's your name, sir?
- Screw off, bitch!
Just what I need today.
Let's move him on one, two, three.
CBC, Chem-7, coag panel, chest x-ray, LFTs, EKG.
- Mary...?
- Start an IV D5W.
I want a '66 Malibu.
- Best engine Chevy ever made.
- What's your name, sir?
Reicher.
I like the MG ' 56, that was a great car.
I like the Triumph myself.
Set up for endoscop y.
- Who are you? 
Where am I?
- How much did you drink today?
Stuff it, will you?
- We're gonna need to sedate him.
- Droperidol, 2.5 mgs.
- He'll need a Foley.
- I'll do it.
- I'm gonna puke.
- Not on the floor, we'll get a basin.
Give him 100 of thiamine.
Suction on, give me the scope.
Get suction ready.
- Is he doped up enough?
- He seems pretty out of it.
All right, this is a test.
Are we looking at a peptic ulcer, varices?
- Or Mallory-Weiss?
- Peptic ulcer.
- Varices.
- You're both right.
Let's cauterize the bleeder.
Mr. Reicher, you're gonna be fine.
You drank yourself into an ulcer.
- The taxpayers will buy you out of it.
- Mark, is he stable?
They need you for a residents' meeting.
I'll finish this.
Alright, thanks.
- Let's get Radiology down here.
- Blood sugar is 95.
- Did you take care of me today?
- Yes, you should be lying down.
I'm getting my medicine now.
- Do I look old to you?
- No, you don't.
I feel old. 
I feel like nothing good is ever gonna happen to me.
I'm sorry. 
I've been begging Psych to take her.
It's hard to be happ y, you can't try, it comes or it doesn't.
Blood pressure's normal, pH 7.3.
Run a rhythm strip.
Give 20 milliequivalent of KCL.
- We got ahold of her mother.
- Good.
- At least her heart's steady.
- Didn't take her insulin today.
All week.
Run a potassium every 30 minutes.
Let me know.
She's not a surgical patient, you don't have to do this.
Just keep me posted.
I think it's the flu. 
He told me to go home.
Can you come in?
Hurry.
Ronson's discharged. 
Loomis to X-ray.
- I'm looking for Lewis Reicher.
- We have a Lew Reicher.
My husband. 
Is he all right?
Maybe we reached the wrong family.
No, he's my husband.
Did he talk about his cars?
He likes to talk about his cars.
Your husband is fine now, but he does have a bleeding ulcer.
- He was found on the street.
- That's where he lives.
Don't ask me to explain.
I can't even explain it to my daughter, I sure can't explain it to you.
Your husband's been moved upstairs, if you'd like to see him.
I brought him some clean clothes.
Sure, but he's awake, if you want to talk to him.
I just wanted to see if he was alive.
- So Chloe is staying with you?
- Not for long.
She okay?
Yeah, considering she's been living on Twinkies and popcorn.
Mother of your diabetic is on her way in.
Dr. Strong's urine test. 
Seems he belongs to a different species.
He signs his name Dr. Lyle Strong, then follows it with M.D.
What is taking so long?
- This pain is killing me.
- I'm sorry.
Your test results aren't good.
- What?
- You know the differential diagnosis.
You have an aplastic, bicystic renal neoplasm.
- No, it couldn't be that.
- You're right.
Because there's no such thing.
The blood in your urine was from a chicken.
There's some mistake.
Your story's so good, we ought to give you any painkiller you want.
But then you'd be back for more.
Do you read medical textbooks?
- I'm a doctor.
- You're a drug addict.
What do the cops do in cases like this?
Mr. Strong, stop!
Mr. Strong!
Is that the new spring fashion?
Henry may have a hole between his aorta and pulmonary arteries.
He turns blue because he's not getting enough oxygenated blood.
I knew it. 
My whole damn family.
- It's not genetic.
- Everything is genetic.
He said it can be corrected. 
Right?
Open-heart surgery will close the hole.
Eight weeks old and they'll cut his heart open.
- It's a common operation.
- Then do it to somebody else.
I'm sorry.
I wanted everything to be okay.
It's not your fault. 
It just happens.
- Doug?
- Hey, buddy.
- Do I have to call you Dr. Ross?
- Call me anything you want.
- How about "airhead"?
- Wiseass.
- Do you work Saturday mornings?
- Sometimes. 
Why?
Could you get, like, 12 Saturdays off in a row?
And some Tuesdays and Wednesdays?
- Is this a test?
- My Little League team we need an assistant coach.
It's 18 games and two practices a week.
I should be able to make most of them.
- Is that okay?
- Yeah, great.
Dougie.
My name is Doug, You never call a grownup "Dougie."
Since when did you grow up?
I just closed a huge deal in Neuro.
Want to celebrate with me?
- Jake, this is Linda. 
Linda, Jake.
- Hi.
Hi.
So, we celebrate?
- What about what's-his-name?
- Brian. 
Boston, business.
I'll buy you ribs at Carson's. 8:30?
I can't.
Why did we stop seeing each other?
I miss you a little.
All you had to do was marry me.
I don't miss you that much.
I gotta go. 
Bye.
- Do you go out with her or something?
- I used to.
- But not now?
- Listen, Jake do you know what flirting is?
That's what she was doing.
People do it all the time.
It doesn't mean a thing.
- Okay?
- Okay.
I was hoping for a miracle.
I'm glad you still visit her.
I like her, she's stuff, and it's on my way to class.
- Keeping surgeon's hours?
- That's what Al says.
How do you keep a marriage together?
I couldn't do it.
After the physician's assistant course we'll have a normal life.
I get a break at seven.
Want to grab dinner?
- I don't know.
- It's just dinner.
- Okay.
- Dr. Benton?
Can you see Charlie?
They brought him from school.
- Fine-looking woman. 
Married, huh?
- So what's the problem?
My leg feels funny and my arm.
I can't move it.
- Have you been sick lately?
- I had the flu.
We drop a lot of people. 
Get ready.
It doesn't look surgical.
I'll work him up, but find Dr. Ross.
- When did your leg get sore?
- This morning. 
A little last night.
- You have any headaches?
- From the flu. 
I'm still sick.
Yeah, everybody has it.
Have you fallen in the last few days?
- I tripped over my little brother.
- They get in the way, don't they?
- Does your head hurt?
- No, just my arm and my back a little.
- Diabetic's mother is here.
- Possible left-sided hemiparesis.
- Dr. Ross is gonna take care of you, okay?
- Thanks.
- He's nice.
- He's a prince.
Carter!
Your tests are okay, but you need to start eating more.
- I never ate right.
- Put that down, please.
I've been screwing up so long maybe I can't do anything right.
- This time you'll try harder.
- Open wide.
Chloe, can you listen to me for one second?
I may not be a doctor, but I'm giving Mom a grandchild.
Yeah, just what she wants.
She'll be thrilled.
An OB is gonna do an ultrasound.
Then you'll shop for baby stuff.
Shop till I drop. 
Cool.
- I shouldn't eat ice cream.
- You should've taken insulin today.
- And yesterday and the day before.
- What are you talking about?
You took it, Sam, didn't you?
- Mommy, it wouldn't...
- Oh, Sam!
I'm tired of being sick.
I don't want to be different.
I'll go blind. 
I've read it in the encyclopedia.
It's not fair.
You...
You have an illness.
You want to pretend you don't.
Where's that gonna get you?
I don't know.
You have to accept the way things are.
So maybe you won't be exactly like everybody else but if you don't take your insulin you'll die.
I'll be back to check on you.
The way you talked to her was great.
2:30. 
I have to do a hydrocele.
Push down like on a gas pedal.
Okay.
- You like to drive, Charlie?
- Yeah, I just got my license.
- Squeeze my hand. 
Harder.
- I'm trying.
Malik here is gonna take you for an MRI. 
Do you know what that is?
You lie in this big tunnel which takes pictures of the inside of your head.
Why? 
It's my leg that hurts.
Because I'm the doctor and that's what I want to do.
Malik, can I talk to you?
- He didn't have any strength.
- Find his parents.
Tell Radiology to put him ahead.
Tell Benton to look at the MRI and get a Neuro consult.
Head's okay. 
It's a good position.
Looks like a little girl.
A girl!
- How's the weight?
- Look at her move. 
Her hand...
Weight's on the low side.
Is something wrong?
You have to improve your nutrition and take vitamins.
You're eating for two now.
Come back next week.
- Thanks, Janet.
- My pleasure.
- Susie.
- What?
- Look at her.
- I'm looking.
I told you I was gonna have a girl.
I'm gonna name her Susan.
She's mine.
She's my baby, Susie.
Mine.
- Carol?
- I won't type your requisition forms.
- Where's Doug?
- Getting his head shrunk.
- When will he be back?
- Half hour. 
Why?
We've got the MRI on that kid.
Tell Doug to meet me in Radiology.
- What do we do? 
Stare at inkblots?
- God, no.
I don't know a thing about them.
Sit down, will you?
You slugged a guy in the ER.
That was dumb.
- What?
- That was really stupid.
- You're a shrink. 
What about my neurosis?
- I know all about it.
You're a reasonably normal guy with slopp y impulse control.
- That's what it's called?
- Yeah. 
Take my advice.
If you want to lose your temper, go pop a guy in a bar.
- Are you suggesting I hit someone?
- Just don't do it at work.
Or they'll fire your ass.
My report will say you had a bad week.
You're a pediatrician.
Thus you're particularly sensitive to child abuse.
- Now, say you'll never do it again.
- I'll never do it again.
Good. 
Or you could really mess up your life.
Thanks for stopping by.
You know, I have been a little unhapp y lately.
Join the club. 
Try therap y, it might help.
Oh, and have a nice day.
Dr. Greene?
Dr. Lewis said you might recommend me for an ER sub-I.
- I thought you wanted surgery?
- I won't get it, I want to consider residency.
My recommendation might not be very helpful right now.
I'd like it anyway.
Sure. 
You bet.
There's an aneurysm at the juncture of the basilar and vertebral arteries.
- How old is the kid?
- Sixteen.
- You'd better find his parents quick.
- We're looking.
So the aneurysm is pressing down on the spinal tract.
It can blow any minute or it could go in a week.
- Nothing like a specific diagnosis.
- Hey, Seymour.
Seymour Lassally. 
Doug Ross.
Doug took the case in.
What have we got?
I have an astrocytoma at four.
- That's huge! 
When did paralysis start?
- Yesterday.
- We can't do this, Peter.
- He could die in 20 minutes.
The operation requires hypothermia.
You have to cool him down so the brain will survive.
Get lucky and he'll be okay, but he's not for us.
Dyer at Mercy's done it a lot.
Get the kid over there.
- You're gonna pass this up?
- Dyer is good, fast and confident.
Call him.
He jumped right over and bit me.
Well, it's minor. 
You'll be fine.
The neighbor said he had all his shots.
Could he have rabies?
There hasn't been a rabid dog in Cook County in 20 years.
- You're sure about the rabies?
- Yeah.
You're sweet.
I'm gonna tell all my friends to come here in emergencies.
- Any word on the parents?
- Mother's on the way.
I see it's raining finally.
Fifteen miles? 
Where's he doing it?
Yeah, thanks.
- Carter, give me your car keys.
- Aren't you on call?
They won't take the aneurysm without Dyer's approval.
He's out jogging. 
Come on, your keys.
GSW to the chest coming in.
- What's Benton doing?
- Looking for Dr. Dyer.
- He can't make his mother better.
- You took too many psych classes.
Get somebody from Surgery down here to cover for Benton.
- Don't you have to leave?
- In 20 minutes.
I think the woman with the dog bite was hitting on me.
- It happens.
- Not to me.
- Did she smile a lot? 
Play with her hair?
- Yes.
- Touch you?
- On my arm.
- She was hitting on you.
- Hope I'm not sending out a signal.
- You know, me and Jen...
- Women love to save moody men.
Mark, GSW to the chest.
Call Radiology. 
Stat!
Why don't you intubate?
I'll check his lungs.
- Lost 500cc's at the scene.
- BP 50 palp. 
Pulse 140.
All right, let's go on my count.
One, two, three.
All right, let's roll him.
Entry wound, upper-left chest.
Exit below scapula.
Second entry wound abdomen, exit left flank.
- Let him die.
- Who's she?
- Get her out of here.
- Start a chest tube. 
Get a surgeon.
I'm his mother. 
Let him die.
- You have to wait outside.
- Let him die.
Somebody get her to the waiting room.
He's in fib.
Paddles, 200!
Charging!
- Clear?
- Clear.
- 300!
- He's still in fib. 
Hit it!
- Charging.
- Clear.
He's back. 100 mgs lidocaine, IV push.
Tension pneumo. 
Sixteen-gauge needle.
- Got it. 
Chest tube.
- Mark, you want to make that train?
- I gotta put in a chest tube.
- I'll help Susan. 
You go.
- All right, thanks.
- Seven and a half gloves.
Grey pin, please.
- Lidocaine?
- Don't need it.
He killed two boys today.
Another last month.
You did no good for anybody.
Murphy found you charming.
You must've turned it on.
- I don't turn it on, it's just there.
- Like a force of nature.
- This Little League thing...
- It's great, isn't it?
Now what did I do?
Was I supposed to say no?
- Jake really likes you. 
I'm glad.
- And...?
And if you're not serious, I can handle it.
I don't expect men to stay forever.
- Especially you with your history.
- Me? 
Mr. Commitment?
But if you're going to leave Jake...
I need to know, Doug.
Not for me, but for Jake.
- What's our future?
- Six months at least.
I hope we're together a long time.
Maybe grow old together.
- Maybe.
- I hope.
- Can I make the station in 38 minutes?
- Mark, it'll be okay.
This will be the night that Amtrak goes on strike.
Watch Garrison in Four, hypocalcemia.
The girl in Three, orbital fracture, try and get a consult.
Back pain in Six could be a herniated...
I can read the board.
Bye.
- You're Benton's student, aren't you?
- Yeah. 
John Carter.
- Where is he?
- I think he's in surgery.
I need his charts. 
Joint Commission is breathing down my neck.
- I want them the second he gets back.
- I'll tell him.
- Is Dr. Benton back yet?
- No, still out in the rain.
Probably smashed your Jeep.
- Can you get his charts for me?
- You really want that sub-I.
Just get them for me, Jerry.
Are you Mike Dyer?
- Who the hell are you?
- Peter Benton from County General.
I have an MRI I want you to look at.
- You're joking.
- It's in the car.
- What's the code for ketoacidosis?
- 250. 11.
- Facial laceration repair?
- 120.52. 
Why are you doing that?
Round up residents. 
You never see this.
Woman hit by lightning.
- Dr. Benton's charts are done.
- Later. 
Come on.
Nesbitt, Leslie. 
Struck by side-flash lightning on 23rd Street.
Full arrest on scene.
Bystanders started CPR in seconds.
- What's she had?
- Two amps epi, 2 mgs atropine.
Look at this, Carter. 
Feathering burns.
- Lichtenberg's flowers.
- Yes! 
Very good.
- She's cyanotic. 
Hyperventilate her.
- I'll bag her.
- Handle it, Carter.
- Move her on my count.
One, two, three.
- Asystole. 
How long since last epi?
- Seven minutes.
- All right, Carter.
- Give a high dose, 5 mgs.
- CBC, Chem-24, cardiac enzymes.
- Pupils fixed and dilated.
- Doesn't matter, you get that with lightning.
- Where's everybody? 
They should see this.
- I got a weak pulse.
- Sinus rhythm.
Dopamine 400 mgs in 500 D5W.
Let's get a cross-table C-spine, a chest and a head CT, non-contrast.
- Well done.
- Good teachers.
- Who?
- Dr. Benton, Dr. Greene, Dr. Lewis.
- Which one's the best?
- They're all good.
Diplomacy too.
What do we do with this patient?
If the x-rays are okay we get the CT and ship her to the ICU?
Yes.
Shooting!
Your mother is on her way.
- What did she say?
- I didn't talk to her.
Since she and my dad have been divorced she works and all.
She's gonna be worried.
I don't just have the flu, right?
No.
You have an aneurysm.
It's like a little balloon in a blood vessel in your brain.
Doesn't sound good.
It's not.
- Why am I going to another hospital?
- It's a complicated operation.
Complicated?
Like I could die?
Yeah, you could die.
But that's not gonna happen.
- I'm going over there alone?
- Don't worry, you'll be in good hands.
- All right?
- All right.
Dr. Benton.
Your charts look good. 
Thank you.
This student of yours is terrific.
- So you found the neurosurgeon?
- Yeah. 
Oh, car keys.
- My charts?
- He wanted them so I finished them.
- Yeah, well, thank you.
- Excuse me?
- I said thank you.
- I know.
- I just wanted to hear you say it twice.
- I'll see you in the morning.
- What happened to you?
- I had to run an errand.
Still interested in dinner?
Is this cool, or what?
Does she really need six pairs to start?
Aren't these cute?
These are nice. 
Maybe we can take some of the others back.
Forget the bows.
Keep the patent leather.
How much did you put on my credit card?
- A hundred, maybe 150.
- This is easily 300.
Suz.
I'm gonna be somebody's mother.
- Lf Mom can do it, you can.
- At least I didn't drink sangria all day.
Or smoke four packs of Luckys.
And we turned out okay.
And Mom didn't have you to help her.
It's gonna be all right, isn't it?
Yes, it's gonna be fine.
Three plus three is six.
And four plus four is eight.
And six...
Daddy, I don't have any more fingers.
- Well, I do. 
Hold up six.
- Hey, Bananafish, it's time for bed.
But Daddy's here.
Daddy can't stop you from falling asleep in school tomorrow.
- Go brush your teeth.
- Lf I get a story.
Well, Daddy will read you a story.
Go brush your teeth.
Go.
Jen.
It's been a long day, Mark.
Should I turn around and go back?
I just... 
I can't do this.
We need to talk about Rachel.
I miss her.
I need to see her more.
You live two hours away.
I'll move up here.
Mark, it's over.
No, I mean, I'll get a place here.
I'll commute.
I want to raise my daughter.
- You'll commute?
- I'm not gonna get that attending job.
I'll try and find a job here.
If that's what you want to do.
Look...
Can I stay here next week while I'm looking for a place?
It's not a good idea.
Can I stay here tonight on the couch?
- Daddy, aren't you coming?
- I'll be there in a sec.
Please.
Okay. 
Okay.
- Thanks.
- Daddy?
Why don't you go read to Rachel?
So she stood up and she started to applaud.
- In the middle of graduation?
- The whole medical school was staring.
When I graduated from college, my father danced.
- What's wrong with that?
- On a table.
I hope my kids don't sit around laughing at me.
Better than hating us.
- You don't hate your mother.
- Yours is great. 
It doesn't mean mine was.
So...
She's never gonna get any better, is she?
There won't be much improvement.
- And there's not a damn thing I can do.
- No.
I...
I wouldn't be getting through this thing if it wasn't for you.
I think Peter Benton can get through just about anything.
He used to think so.

What are you doing?
Thinking.
About what?
I was remembering that summer after Rachel was born.
We put the hammock up in the yard.
All three of us would get in.
We'd a nap together. 
Remember?
Yeah.
I love you.
Jen, we've been sharing the same bed for a week.
I'm not ready yet, Mark.
"What a glorious morn.
Night's candles have burnt out and jocund day stands tiptoe on the misty mountain tops."
I joined a Shakespearean theater group. 
I'm going to play Romeo.
- A comic version?
- No.
"But soft! 
What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east and Juliet is the sun!
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon who is already sick and pale with jealousy."
- Sick and pale is right.
- Nuts to you!
Sorry, I couldn't resist. 
I picked it up in New Guinea last summer.
Got a roomful of drunks left over from the night shift.
- Wanna help wake them up?
- Not really.
Suit yourself.
- First time you've been robbed?
- For two years, no problems. 
It was time.
- Cleaned you out, huh?
- Yeah, money.
- But not my camera or books.
- That's good.
- Are you single?
- Why?
A lot of good-looking guys here.
Doctors, businessmen...
I run a dating service out of the cab.
- For 10 bucks you're in the book.
- No, thank you.
It works. 
All these people get married after meeting through my cab.
This lady runs her own business, married a lawyer.
- This guy is a doctor.
- Hey, that's Dr. Cvetic!
Oh, my God...
- You know Dr. Div?
- I used to.
This lady owns a chain of mortuaries. 
Big bucks.
- She's fine.
- Oh, yeah.
Clean the cut.
I'll have Carter stitch him up.
- Something's wrong?
- That's her old boyfriend.
Write up his aftercare and call pharmacy with med renewals.
Keep moving.
Hey, you. 
You get a doughnut?
See you next time.
Simple pleasures. 
I got your application for the ER sub-internship.
With recommendation from Lewis and Greene, but not from you.
I wasn't aware Mr. Carter had applied for an ER sub-internship.
Yeah, it's sort of a backup.
- So we're not your first choice?
- No, no, no...
I just haven't made up my mind yet between ER and surgery.
Whatever. 
I need your evaluation as soon as you can.
- Hey, buddy, you just got here?
- I'm on 8-to-8.
- Six-to-three.
- Nine hours?
I'm assistant coaching Jake's baseball game.
Baseball? 
That's a big step in any relationship.
Hope I don't have to explain the infield fly rule.
- So how goes Milwaukee?
- Commute's not bad.
- But emotionally, I don't know.
- You're my domestic role model.
- Heard about the attending gig yet?
- No. 
I'm not holding my breath.
Gentlemen, good timing.
Kid in Three bumped his head.
- What do we have for Dr. Greene?
- I can run the board.
I'd just as soon handle it. 
Nobody's taken the knee lac in Five.
Why don't I take it?
I needed a fallback. 
There's no guarantee I'm gonna get the surgical sub-I.
- There are no guarantees in life.
- A lady from E.L.S.
Take a message. 
Write your own recommendation and I'll sign it.
- Peter.
- What?
It's your student loan service. 
You're three months behind on your payments.
OB is on the 4th floor and your appointment is at 8:30.
Great, I get to sit around and wait for two hours.
After your checkup go to Social Services on the main floor.
Ms. Harding will help you apply for WIC, AFDC and food stamps.
- How do I get home?
- Bus.
- What about lunch?
- I made you an egg salad sandwich.
- I forgot it.
- You forgot it on purpose.
I hate egg salad.
- I'll make dinner for you tonight.
- No, Chloe, don't. 
Don't!
- John. 
May I call you John?
- Sure.
Here's a good one for you.
Pretty, huh?
Kind of serious.
Turn-ons are motorcycles and water sports. 
Sounds like a wild one.
"Seeks a man who enjoys fine dining, romantic evenings, must be athletic and pro-death penalty." I don't know.
- Wanna get in the book, John? 
Just $ 10!
- No, thanks.
Dr. Lewis wants to x-ray your eye to make sure there are no fractures.
Hey, you fix me up, I put you in for free.
So, John, tell me your turn-ons.
What?
- We should've eloped.
- What now?
The woman who's getting married after us wants to share flowers.
- Why not? 
Split the cost.
- That's what I said.
She'll only pay a third. 
The flowers would be "used" for her wedding.
Between that, the guest list, the bridesmaid's shoes... 
It's out of control.
- We have to write our vows.
- Oh, God...
We'll have lunch and figure out what we're gonna say.
- John?
- Hey, Diane!
Diane Leeds. 
She helped me beat a malpractice case a few years ago.
- Which was totally bogus.
- This is my fiancée, Carol Hathaway.
- I've heard a lot about you.
- From Doug?
- From John.
- Doug?
Well, Diane and Doug Ross are going out. 
Am I right?
- Yes, we are.
- Oh, I didn't know that.
- So when's the happ y day?
- May 18th.
- At St. Luke's.
- Beautiful church.
- I love weddings there.
- You should come.
Well, that'd be great.
- I'm gonna go find Doug.
- Good to see you.
- You too, John. 
Bye-bye.
- Bye.
- Why'd you do that? 
She'll bring Ross.
- I don't know. 
It just popped out.
- Give me the bullet.
- High-speed collision with a tree.
- Vitals?
- BP's 110 over 85, pulse 88.
- Responds to pain.
- Pupils are equal and reactive.
Let's get an x-ray in here.
We need a lateral C-spine.
- How's his belly?
- Not rigid, bowel sounds normal.
- Coma score's nine.
- Borderline for brain damage.
He's a contender.
Stand by with Norcuron and Dilantin.
Call for a CT, make sure no one's on the table.
- How's his pressure?
- Holding.
I'm not doing that well, Dr. Booth.
That's why I came to see you.
I haven't been sleeping that well...
I think I had a recurrence.
A recurrence? 
Of what?
- Night terrors.
What makes you say that?
A few nights ago, I woke up in my bathroom... totally disoriented.
My boyfriend came to help me and I attacked him.
Well, it certainly sounds like a night terror.
It's not unheard of in adults...
But really quite abnormal.
Yes, that's right.
Night terrors can be part of normal childhood development.
But I've found that the most violent and persistent cases occur in children who've suffered profound emotional trauma.
If I recall, you came to see me shortly after your father took his own life, isn't that right?
Yes.
So, your recent night terror could possibly have been triggered by an increase in stress or fatigue.
Am I far off?
No. 
No.
Julia, why don't we schedule a formal session.
I don't usually treat adults, but since we have a history, you could come in here, describe the things you're going through, and we'll try to figure out if it really is a recurrence
of night terrors or if it's... something else.
You scared the hell out of me.
Sorry...
What do you think went through Billy's mind when he did it?
The bullet.
I don't know, Terry, the same thing that goes through everybody's mind before they kill themselves:
That they hate their life;
they're better off dead than alive.
Blam! 
Blam! 
Blam!
I wonder what it's like to get to that place.
Terry, stop picking it or it's never going to heal, okay?
It's not healing anyway. 
I might as well get some satisfaction.
I think it's getting worse.
- Maybe it's cancer.
There is something seriously demented about you, do you know that?
You know, maybe I should've gone to law school.
Like I said... demented.
Look, I'm going to go out, try to detox for a little bit.
Are you going to be alright by yourself?
Yeah.
Sure?
Yeah.
Okay. 
Bye.
Got you!
Damn rats.
Understanding your Child's Dreams
Hello?
- Hey, Julia. 
How goes it?
Lousy.
I'm still on chapter four in Crowley, and I can't remember half the other sources in my bibliography.
Well, look at the bright side.
If you flunk, it's only another 12 months of hell and another 20 grand.
But it could be worse.
- How?
I'm not sure exactly.
Hey, listen Kim, will you call me later?
Make sure I'm still awake.
Okay, bye.
- Thanks. 
Bye.
STATE MENTAL HEALTH ASSOCIATION
...experiencing emotional difficulty paranoid delusion...
...subject claims demon...
Could somebody turn the lights back on, please?
Hello?
Open the door!
Please, somebody help me!
Damn it!
Moore's Theory of Discordance postulates that subjects, when presented with evidence hostile to their world view, experience disassociative discordance or fight or flight reflexivity.
And discordance here is defined... as... delusions of reality stemming from childhood trauma and... a heightened state of anxiety...
Yes. 
Sorry.
By increasing the number of familiar external stimuli individuals will well, individuals will try individuals experiencing discordance will...
Would you please excuse me?
- Yeah. 
Certainly.
Hey, it's Julia.
Leave a message after the beep.
Julia, come on, pick up. 
I know you're there.
I'm sorry about the other night.
So consider this the official apology.
Besides, I want to hear how your defense went.
I bet you knocked 'em dead, but I need specifics, so pick up the phone.
Alright, I can take a hint.
But I'm gonna harass you until you call me back.
Hey, it's Julia.
Leave a message after the beep.
Paul...
Hello?
Julia. 
This is Sam.
Oh, hi.
I need to talk to you.
Hello?
- Hey, it's Julia.
Yeah, come on in.
Okay.
Hello?
Sam?
Depressing, isn't it?
Look, I'm sorry that I called you.
I just figured that you'd be the only one that would understand.
Understand what?
- I mean, you see it, right?
I don't know what I see.
- But you can feel it.
You definitely feel that something bad is happening, right?
Yes.
You see, you do understand.
Terry's missing.
What do you mean, 'missing'?
She didn't come home last night.
The rec center called me this morning.
And they said that they found her bag with all of her stuff in it.
Sam, slow down. 
Maybe...
Maybe she just forgot her stuff in her locker.
And what, left the building in her bathing suit?
Did you call the police?
Yes, I did.
They're not going to find anything.
I've been studying Billy's diary ever since we found it.
You know, I can't seem to do much of anything else. 
It's like...
Sam...
No, wait, wait. 
Just listen.
Okay, now I can't make sense of all of it, but...
I was taken to their world when I was five and marked, but it faded.
They only mark kids who have night terrors.
Listen to this...
"Last week the mark reappeared."
"It means they're coming for me."
Just listen to his last entry, okay?
"I can't write much longer,"
"the mark on my hand keeps getting worse."
"I can't stand it."
"I pulled out this thing they planted in me."
Sam, Billy was unstable, we know that.
No...
This is ridiculous...
he'd had problems since he was a kid.
We all did.
Now, don't you think it's possible...
that something that scared us as kids has come back... to collect us?
What are you saying?
I never saw Billy's mark, but I did see Terry's... and hers looked a lot like this...
Hi.
Hi.
What's your name?
Sarah.
My name is Julia.
Are you all by yourself?
Where's your mom?
Heaven.
Do you work here?
No.
I don't either.
I'm a patient.
Sarah... do you have bad dreams?
Sometimes.
What happens in your dreams?
They come for me.
Who comes?
They.
Why do they come for you?
To eat me.
Does anything keep them away?
Lights.
You think I'm crazy?
No.
Why don't you tell me what you think it all might mean.
Our night terrors may not have been induced by emotional trauma at all.
Maybe something really did come for us when we were kids, and planted something in us.
And whatever it was, it left a mark.
Just like that little girl's.
- And now they're coming back?
Yes! 
And that's why the marks reappear. 
So that they can find us and take us back to the place in our night terrors... out of the light.
I know how it sounds.
Julia, you say you failed your thesis defense with Dr. Crowley?
Perhaps you'd like to tackle this case?
Subject is suffering post-traumatic stress from witnessing the suicide of a close friend.
Influenced by the erratic behavior of two strangers, she allows herself to entertain... the paranoid schizophrenic delusions of her dead friend.
And why does she do that?
Because she feels a sense of personal failure and guilt that Billy that her friend died.
And you are going to be an excellent psychologist.
I'll see you on Thursday.
Thank you, Dr. Booth.
Oh, Julia...
If these demons were coming back, wouldn't you have the mark too?
Remind me what I'm looking for?
Like an infected mark-thing.
Little, pinkish. 
Like the size of a dime.
Well... nothing yet.
But it's early.
- Paul, this is serious...
Okay. 
I'm sorry. 
You're all done.
No marks.
You sure?
Double-checked, trust me.
Not that I'm complaining, you know, but why'd you need me to do that?
I met these two friends of Billy's at the funeral.
And?
Well, they both had marks like Billy's.
And so I went to tell Dr. Booth, and...
Oh, you're just gonna think this is crazy.
Julia. 
Didn't we just search your entire body and find nothing?
So, what have you got to worry about?
You're right.
You're right.
Jesus!
Somebody!
Hey! 
Over here! 
Help!
Hey! 
Over here!
Come on!
Hey, Paulie! 
We're going down to the...
Woah. 
Hello, nurse.
- Get out! 
Get out!
You mad?
- Not mad. 
I'm embarrassed.
But I'll get over it.
Troy may not, however.
I'm sorry about the last couple of days.
Hey, you feel. 
Don't apologize for it.
Good night.
I'll see you tomorrow.
... and all for less than a dollar.
What do you think of that?
You can't beat that kind of value.
... as the power shortage reaches critical levels, residents are asked to save energy and turn off the lights in an effort to avoid more rolling blackouts this weekend.
And in a related story, officials say the rolling blackouts will have an effect on emergency services provided in the largest metropolitan hospital.
This comes as another blow to the already beleaguered medical center as eleventh-hour talks broke down today between doctors and hospital administration.
Hospital spokesperson Jason Hildin stated that the doctor's strike is a foregone conclusion.
This is getting ridiculous.
On the lighter side of civic news...
Paul!
Paul!
Paul!
Let me in!
I'm coming!
My God, what happened to you?
Julia, what happened?
Look at me.
Let me see you.
Look at me. 
Look!
Look!
I've got it!
Just like Billy and Sam...
I've got this thing on me...
Jesus, how the hell did you manage that?
Ouch! 
Be careful! 
It hurts...
Don't move. 
Don't move.
There was... 
There was this thing... like a... 
like a big splinter, and I pulled it out of me I pulled it out of me...
You pulled what out of you?
It was in my head.
This thing was in my head!
Slow down. 
Slow down.
What was in your head?
I don't know... 
like a kind of a bone...
or something...
I don't know...
they grabbed me in my apartment.
In my apartment, they tried to get me...
I ran down the street and I I was in this bathroom and...
Because of the light.
It has something to do with the light.
I think that they can't be in the light.
Billy wrote it all down...
Drink this.
...and electricity!
Which is why the whole blackout thing...
They could be everywhere...
- Sit.
No... everywhere.
- Sit down.
Okay, take a few deep breaths, okay.
You'll be asleep soon.
- Asleep?
!
I'm not going to go to sleep!
Honey, you need to go to sleep.
Okay?
I can't go to sleep!
What did you give me?
!
Don't touch me! 
Get away from me!
Listen to me! 
Nothing's going to happen to you.
I will not let anything happen to you.
I won't let anything happen to you.
Now, sit down. 
Sit down.
I'm going to get you some clean clothes, and then I'm going to take care of everything... okay?
Alright?
Alright.
Everything you're feeling is perfectly understandable considering the week you've had!
The best thing you can do is just stay here and get some rest.
No!
No! 
Let me out!
Somebody!
Wait! 
No!
No!
Stop!
Stop!
No!
Help!
Hey!
This really isn't like her.
She's just confused.
All we can do is to wait, see what happens. 
Make sure that...
Julia!
It's okay. 
It's okay, Julia.
It's okay. 
You're safe now.
You're safe.
Did you think something was attacking you?
They found you in the subway...
- With a concussion.
You're pretty banged up.
Let's get you back into bed.
I was trying to get to the red light...
Okay, we'll work all that out.
But right now you need to rest.
Everything's going to be fine.
How could she get out of a locked room?
That door was bolted.
Julia?
What is it?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Help!
Help me! 
I'm here!
Help me!
I'd better go call security.
Help me! 
Hey! 
I'm here!
Help!
Are you coming?
Wait! 
I'm here!
Nooo! 
I'm here!
I'm here!
No!

Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm about to do this.
What's wrong?
- l lost my mop.
- Really?
No. 
But that's the only thing that could make me unhappy, right?
You people think of me as nothing but The Janitor.
- That's not true.
- What's my name?
I know that the nurses call you Sir Plunge-a-lot.
- l know.
- Come on.
- l'm sure you don't know my name so...
- John Michael Dorian.
- How did you know my middle name?
- Because I care.
Today seems like a good day to hide out in one of my patient's rooms.
You, my friend, are an incompetent fool!
Unless, of course, my patient is missing.
Where's my brother?
Say, "l don't know," l'll show you what I learned in my crotch-punching class.
I think it's great that you're going back to school.
Why would he wander off?
Oh, maybe he went to a real hospital.
He found out he had leukaemia yesterday.
That's life-changing news. 
You can't be surprised if he's depressed.
Hey, doc!
This guy's got something on his shoulder. 
Take a look.
Ben, put the small children down.
is anybody missing one of these?
OK!
You heard the doctor.
Sit this one out.
- Please...
- My hands are free to...
No, no, Ben! 
Seriously, Ben!
Ben! 
No, come on, Ben!
Stop, Ben. 
Put me down. 
Ben!
Faster!
Eagle!
You had enough?
- Sad.
- You want a turn?
- Come on.
- Don't you dare! 
Don't you dare! 
No!
- No! 
Ben, put me down! 
No!
- Get a shot of the mean lady.
Hey, shorty.
You short person, you take that picture, you'll be glad you're in a hospital. 
Help!
You've got a Christmas card right there.
You're funny. I don't understand why you refuse to put on a gown.
Because I don't like people to see my bum.
- So wear underwear.
- You know how I feel about underwear.
Every girl who came to our house in the mid-'80s
- knows how you feel.
- Sweatpants years.
I don't like that much freedom down there. 
Makes me tingle in my giblets.
If you don't start taking this seriously...
I'm a good intern, but when you're dealing with disease and family, an intern just doesn't cut it.
What you need is a hero.
Shut up. 
Shut up.
And definitely shut up.
But, I didn't say any... I know, but I enjoy saying it to you.
OK, here's the deal.
If we're gonna beat this thing, and we damn sure are, we'll do it one way and one way only:
- We're gonna be a team, team, team.
- l hear you, Dr Cox.
I am so not speaking to you, Rhonda, thank you.
I'm sorry, I'm very excited. 
Go!
What do you say, children?
Are we a team?
I'm in.
Go Team Cancer.
Wow, he did it.
I've got to go take care of some other patients.
I don't believe it. I didn't get tomorrow's Whipple procedure.
- l know.
- This is ridiculous.
Calm down.
What's a brother got to do to get a Whipple? 
What's a brother got to do?
Listen. 
You've got to stop turning your medical training into some ego-driven contest.
No one else is doing that.
Oh, I got the Whipple.
Suck it, Turk.
- l will end her.
- No, no.
- Dude, let her go.
- Let go of me.
It'll be so hot.
Can you tell me the treatment regimen for organophosphate toxicity, Dr Reid?
I would give intramuscular epinephrine, then iv calcium gluconate, and emergency haemodialysis.
If I wanted you to give me three wrong answers in a row l would have just asked for "the usual."
Dr Murphy, care to jump in?
I think it's...
- Do you have a speech impediment?
- Excuse me?
You insist on starting every answer with "um."
So you've either got a speech impediment or you're a stammering know-nothing who doesn't belong in medicine.
Well spoken.
Now, get out!
All of you! 
Get out!
Get out! 
Out! 
Out! 
Out!
Jumpin' Jupiter, I do enjoy the tough love.
They probably like it too, whether they admit it or not.
Well...
"Oh, the old guy's so tough on me, but I love him." Right?
Right? 
They hate you, Bob.
They hate you from your hooves to the top of your pitchfork.
They hate you, dear God, they hate you good.
What're you laughing at?
That "hooves" and "pitchfork" part.
- Why?
- No reason.
Now, do you think you can make Ben behave like a patient or not?
No problem.
- l got him to put his gown on.
- He sure did.
And now my butt itches on account of this scratchy chair.
What're we watching?
Wings. 
And shut up, I like the cab driver. 
He slays me.
Antonio. 
Played by the actor Tony Shalhoub, also particularly fantastic in a film called Big Night.
Congratulations. 
Your DiMaggio-like streak for saying nothing even remotely interesting is still alive and well.
I didn't care about the abuse.
The most amazing thing was to watch how Dr Cox dealt with his friend.
How he made him feel safe.
- Do I have to get a special doctor?
- An oncologist.
Do we have to talk about this? 
You must have something else on your mind.
Nope. 
Just pretty much that leukaemia thing.
Ben, leukaemia is a petty, ugly illness and we'll not dignify it by speaking of it unless absolutely necessary.
is that clear to you?
Gotcha.
You are such a stud.
That was interesting.
So, Doctor Wen.
You asked Bonnie to assist you with this Whipple procedure?
- Yes, I did.
- Thanks again, sir.
I guess we should just let it go.
I mean, neither one of us wants to do anything to make it worse, right?
You guys ever notice how you're both Asian?
Your mother's maiden name is Turner.
So you used your key to get into my personnel file. 
Big deal.
Your first kiss was with Sarah Briggs at the embarrassing age of 1 6.
She wore a green turtleneck.
You wonder sometimes if she still thinks about you. I'm guessing no.
- How could you possibly know that?
- l'm your father.
Good morning, Dr Dorian.
You probably don't notice it yourself, but this hospital is a freak show.
This is my band.
We're all working from different departments in the hospital.
- Legal 
- Accounting
- Shipping and Receiving 
- Online Property Management
Including Pest Control Night Time Security
And Non-Arboreal Gardening Services
That's... 
That's just great.
We mostly do a cappella versions of cartoon theme songs.
Dr Reid, I hope I wasn't too harsh on you
- at rounds this morning.
- Oh, it's OK, sir.
I don't hate myself much more than usual.
Well, turnabout's fair play, and all that, so here's an evaluation form.
I figured I'd try to get a read on how all you interns think I'm doing.
Don't sign your name.
It's completely anonymous, and Dr Reid, I'm no she-doc.
I can take it.
- You're going to crush him, right?
- Oh, yes.
- How do you spell "inadequate"?
- Give me that.
I'll fill it out for you.
So, Mr Sullivan, your blast percentage is quite a bit higher than we all expected. 
Around 80 percent.
That's bad, right? 
You want the number to be low, huh? 
Like in golf?
Yes, exactly.
Like in golf. 
Do you play?
Oh, who the hell cares if he plays golf?
I was bonding.
You're doing a good job too.
Oh, thanks.
Who is this clown?
Paul here is the best oncologist in the room, so why don't we all just clam up and listen.
- We need to start chemo.
- When?
This afternoon.
I'm afraid this afternoon doesn't work for me.
Ironically, I have a golf game to get to.
Benji, don't sweat it.
Come on, give me a break.
You gonna be there?
I've got a thousand patients to look after, so no, I'll probably miss this first one, but I will leave my lovely and talented assistant, Kimmy, OK?
Yeah, sure, you know, OK.
- Oh, am I Kimmy?
- No, I'm Kimmy.
Oh! 
Good.
Carla torched Dr Kelso for me.
No matter what I wrote, I always brought it back to sexual inadequacy.
- So good.
- Hello, ladies.
- Hey, Doug.
- Hey, Doug.
What did you write on Kelso's evaluation?
- What evaluation?
- You didn't get yours yet?
Nobody got one.
Around here, bad behaviour comes back to haunt you.
Dr Wen, I want to take this opportunity to once again apologise to you and the entire Asian community.
I'll pass it on at the next big meeting.
You know, Christopher, surgeons don't have to be shallow, rank-obsessed clichés.
So who's the best surgical intern?
is it Bonnie? 
is it me?
Come on, I just, I gotta know.
The periampullary carcinoma patient had a failed stenting of the bile duct.
I wanna prep him for a pylorus sparing pancreaticoduodenectomy.
Thanks.
Wassup, T-Man!
Show the Todd some love.
Ben seemed pretty down after you left, so I could cover and you could hang out.
You're a lamb, but you don't have to.
- l don't mind. lt's...
- Newbie, stop.
It's funny how people handle bad news in different ways.
Some people have a visceral reaction.
Time to get my soapy-soap on.
Some people go into denial.
No way.
And others...
What chance do you give a guy with Ben's blast percentage? 
Huh?
Twenty percent?
Thirty...maybe?
You see, I can't handle that.
I cannot.
So, no thank you there, Johnny.
Others just walk away.
Chemotherapy looks harmless, but it's poison pumped directly into your veins.
Every time I got sick when I was a little kid,
- Mom would get me a Tonka truck.
- Yeah, so?
So where's my Tonka truck?
- Score.
- The earth-mover. 
Can I see?
Ah, see it with your eyes, man, not with your hands. 
See?
I can't believe Perry bailed on you. 
Typical.
He's always out the door if things get too real.
This is the true story.
True story!
Of four people, forced to hang out in a hospital.
To find out what happens when people stop being polite...
And start being real.
- He didn't bail.
- lf he did, he's a total wuss.
You said you were giving evaluations to all the interns.
Well, not all at once, sweetheart.
With your way there'd be no accountability. 
No back and forth.
You wouldn't have to explain to me why, let's see "l'm most likely frustrated because I haven't gotten any since the Bay of Pigs."
Oh, sir, I'm so sorry.
Are we cool?
What could have possessed you to write such filth?
I need to tell you something...
No, that's OK, Carla, I'm gonna take care of that patient.
Dr Kelso, I did it because I didn't think that you'd know it was me and I thought that it would be funny.
Let's take a walk.
I'd like to tell you a few things that I think are funny.
Oh, come on, how could this guy be the best?
You want to know the difference between you?
When you're working I can always see your wheels turning.
You're thinking about what to do next, what could go wrong.
You're not in the moment.
And as much as it pains me to say this, the Todd is.
Please. 
Just because I'm thorough and want to keep two Kelly clamps on in case the appendiceal artery is inadvertently incised so I can gain immediate haemostatic control doesn't mean I think too much.
Shiny scalpel
Dum de de dum, de de dum De de dum, gonna slice him up
- You're afraid of escalators.
- That's not uncommon.
You like feel of cashmere on your skin.
- How are you doing this?
- That's right, you run away!
Run away from the truth!
Look, Dr Cox, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I think the only reason you're not down at that hospital right now is that you're afraid.
I think you're right. I do.
That's partly because you've really gotten to know me this year, but mostly it's because, well I told you that I was afraid earlier.
Don't tell me you've come here to reiterate things I've already said, because I know the things that I've said.
In fact, I'm the one who said them.
You've got to get back in the game, Coxie.
"Coxie" was a mistake.
Pretend I didn't say Coxie.
Get out.
Look, I... 
It boggles my mind that you would just bail on a patient.
A patient is a stranger in a bed that you can distance yourself from when you need to.
Ben is my friend.
I'm gonna try to visit him over the next couple of weeks, but if I can't, then that'll be very sad for me, but really, it'll just mean that I'm human.
Oh, and newbie, please don't think that you've come here because Ben needs me.
You're here because you're scared that you might have to rely on yourself for the first time.
And that...
That is just the saddest thing of all.
I think one of the most universal human experiences is feeling alone.
You'd never know, but there's tons of people feeling the exact same way.
Maybe because you're feeling completely abandoned.
Maybe you realised that you aren't as self-sufficient as you thought.
Maybe you know you should've handled something differently.
Or maybe you aren't as good as you thought you were.
Either way, when you hit that low point, you have a choice.
You can either wallow in self-pity or you can suck it up.
It's your call.
You know what, Dr Wen? 
I don't care if I'm not the best right now, because I'm all about the upside, and one day, I'm going to own this place.
That's right. 
All of this here, all of this right here is gonna be the Chris Turk Wing.
Dr Kelso, I wrote that evaluation.
It was me. 
Elliot didn't write a word.
But I would've written every word if I'd had the courage and the other-side-of-the-tracks upbringing Carla did.
- You want to know what I think of you?
- You tell him.
You're mean.
As for me, I decided that if Dr Cox couldn't do it, well then, I would have to be the one there for Ben.
- Oh, thank God.
- Goodbye, newbie.
So, you know, what's up?
You know, this and that.
Hey, I met someone.
- Really?
- Yeah.
But she took a stool sample so I think she works here.
Redhead? 
Tall?
- Not on the staff, no.
- No?
What a strange young lady.
Are we just gonna sit around here and make jokes the rest of the day?
is that the drill?
Listen, if it makes you uncomfortable, then you can just bolt again.
I think it's only fair you hear my end of the story there.
All right, fine.
Aw, man, I love you, but you're a complete wuss.
I guess I got a little scared.
Well, let me know if there's anything I can do to help you through this rough patch.
Give me a break. I'm not good at this stuff. 
You know that.
- lt's OK.
- l don't like the big conversations.
It's cool.
I've been thinking about death a lot lately.
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
You think it's like New York, you know...
To most people it might have seemed like nothing had changed.
Well, Dr Murphy?
- But it had a little.
- Go on.
Could it be lupus?
Good job, sport.
As for Ben, he actually responded to the chemo and went into remission.
Hopefully he won't be back, but who knows?
Still, that's not what this story's about.
It's about the day I realised that admitting we're not heroic is when we're the most heroic of all.
I guess he'll always be a hero to me.
"Always be a hero to me."
What a girl!
What else we got?
Theatre camp.
Bingo.
Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0

Fixed  Synced By MoUsTaFa ZaKi 
(man) Get going.
- Please.
- Do your damn job.
You can't think IVlilli Vanilli is cool.
I would disown you.
You are unbelievable.
OK, I may puke, but I have to ask.
Which one do you intend to marry?
Rob or Fab?
- (doorbell) 
- Janet, get that.
(mouthing)
Hang on. 
I'm, like, the servant around here.
- Yeah?
- Triboro Cable.
What do you want?
Your cable's out.
Is it? 
I don't think so.
OK. 
I'm sorry.
Wait a sec.
Maybe my dad called you.
You'd better come in.
TV's in here.
Dad! 
Cable guy's here.
Can I help you?
There's a problem with your cable?
I was just watching the game upstairs.
I think you got the wrong house, buddy.
Oh.
Is that your work order?
Who called it in?
(pounding on door)
Police! 
Don't move!
God Almighty.
Face the wall. 
Face the wall!
Johnny! 
Check the other rooms.
They're all dead.
Got you.
Got you, you bastard.
_.g-g-e-t-t. 
Two G's and two T's.
I was the arresting officer.
You're makin' a huge mistake.
I don't care what it shows!
I appreciate that. 
But I don't care what it shows. 
It's wrong.
- I was there. 
We got the right guy.
- An X-File?
I'm tellin' you, you let this guy go, more people are gonna die.
Was that the DA?
Assistant DA. 
He was probably in ninth grade when this happened.
What do you want him to do?
Keep the bastard locked up.
Did you read that?
My partner and I busted this guy, Fassl, 13 years ago.
He'd killed seven people.
Now they wanna let him go.
The DNA evidence proves he's innocent.
It's wrong. 
It's some lab mistake.
Simple as that.
My partner, Duke, and I catch this 911.
Neighbours hearing' screaming coming from this house.
We get there. 
Teenage girl, mother, father - all dead.
There's blood...
I can still remember the blood squishing under my shoes.
This guy Fassl's just standing there.
So you didn't actually catch him in the act?
Ten seconds earlier through the door and we would have.
Tell me you got good news.
I have combed through every detail of this ME's report.
I have read and reread it.
I am sorry, Agent Doggett, but the DNA fingerprinting does indeed exonerate this man.
You're telling me there's not a million-to-one chance that these DNA tests are wrong?
Actually 100 million.
I need you to run the reports again yourself.
Agent Doggett, you don't.._
- It'd take at least 48 hours.
- That's too long.
- Where are you going?
- New York.
I can't just sit here and wait for this guy to kill again.
John...
Look, I get it. 
Enough people tell you you're drunk, it's time to lie down.
But I know what I know.
I could really use your help.
It's time to go.
Congratulations, Bob. 
Best of luck to you.
- How does it feel to be a free man?
- Are you gonna sue the police?
It goes without saying that my client is happy once more to be a free man.
I myself am overjoyed.
I think today is a day to celebrate.
But tomorrow we will be looking closely at the reasons why Bob was falsely accused and incarcerated.
13 years of his life were stolen from him.
We'll be looking at the Brooklyn DA's office and the New York City Police Department.
Bob, let's get you outta here.
Thank you. 
Thank you.
On top of springing loose a murderer, the city of New York is gonna pay him off?
Hell, yes. 
And count ourselves lucky.
We didn't spring a murderer.
He's an innocent man.
Or maybe you didn't glean that from our conversation.
Mr Kailer, on the off chance that that's not true, why not let us look through your documents pertaining to this case?
Maybe we can save the city some settlement money.
Or maybe I get in an even bigger jackpot when Jana Fain cries "police vendetta", yelling at the papers about the disgruntled former cop who's out to get her client.
Somebody committed these murders, right?
Now that you've sprung Mr Bob Fassl, the victims' families are gonna start askin' who.
How you gonna answer 'em?
There's a lot of material here.
Where shall we start?
Right there. 
The original arrest report.
"Arresting officer: 
John Doggett."
Must have been a career-maker.
Well, it didn't hurt when I put in for detective.
The murders had been front-page news for weeks.
The sense of relief everybody felt when we caught Fassl, it was...
You know, John...
Whatever we find here, sometimes...
Sometimes even good cops make mistakes.
Yeah.
And I've made more than I can count, but this wasn't one of 'em.
Whatever you think...
I'm not here trying to cover my ass.
That's not what I think. it's not. 
I just...
I just worry that maybe this is about you feeling guilty.
I feel guilty...
Like what, subconsciously?
Like I was told I sent an innocent man to prison, only I refuse to accept it?
A cop I know, a man I respect deeply, told me one time:
"You don't clock out after your shift unless you did everything you could."
Thats what this is about.
Me not clocking out.
Bob, I want you to make yourself at home while you're here. 
Just relax.
Oh! 
Mrs Dowdy, this is Bob Fassl.
He'll be staying with us for a while.
I have your room all made up.
I hope you'll be quite comfortable.
Thank you very much, Mrs Dowdy.
You're rich.
Well, my parents were.
I inherited this when they died.
I've been very fortunate, so I try and use my family's resources to help where I can.
You do good things. 
You're a good person.
I guess it takes one to know one.
I know some business people sympathetic to your situation.
When you're ready we'll set up some job interviews.
I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now.
I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. 
And I'm so happy for you now.
(prays silently)
Hey, buddy. 
You steal that car?
If it ain't the FBI!
Duke Tomasick. 
Lookin' good.
Hell, yeah. 
I was always the pretty one.
Not that I'd steal you away from even one minute of retirement, but I gotta get another viewpoint on this case from someone who was there.
Duke, I'm racking my brain on this and I'm coming at it from every possible angle.
- Was there something we missed?
- Well, yeah. 
We arrested the wrong man.
I'm sorry, John. 
I've been torn up about this, but unless there's something you know that I don't, it looks like we gotta face facts.
Duke, you were there. 
Fassl was the only one in the house. 
He killed those people.
John, wise up, will ya? 
Drop this thing.
What did you always tell me about being a good cop?
You said never to clock out.
Well, I got another lesson for ya.
Keep after this thing, it's gonna bite you in your ass.
I'm sorry. 
I just wanted to see how you were settling in.
I should have knocked.
I'd read in your file that you had attended the seminary, that you studied to be a priest.
It's wonderful that all you've been through hasn't diminished your faith.
I pray all the time.
I pray even when it looks like I'm not praying.
I know someone's listening, Bob.
Good night.
NO...
Don't.
Please don't hurt her. 
Please!
Were you here all night?
There's gotta be something here that's been overlooked, something I can hang this guy with, DNA or no.
Speaking of DNA...
Oh, come on.
The retests of the typing confirm the original results, that the hair samples do indeed belong to someone other than Robert Fassl.
So what do we do? 
We just go home?
- This is wrong. 
This is...
- John, there is something else.
Something that explains why 13 years ago the science of the day identified the hair as Fassl's.
I spoke to the forensic examiner who ran the tests.
He found a match in 12 of the 13 key genes.
What does that mean?
It means that the mitochondrial DNA in the hair sample is genetically similar to Fassl's.
In fact it is remarkably similar.
It is so similar that it must be from a blood relative.
Wait a minute. 
Fassl's an only child.
His parents died when he was 13.
- He's got nobody.
- I know.
You know? 
Then you know that what you're saying is impossible.
And yet somehow it's true.
Would you get dressed and come on downstairs, please?
Bob...
This morning I noticed something that I must talk to you about.
The drawers in my bedroom had been opened and somebody had been through my things.
- You weren't home last night?
- I think you know that I wasn't.
As it happens, I was called down to county lockup on behalf of another client.
If you're going to stay here, you have to respect me, my privacy, my possessions.
You're a free man now, and with freedom comes responsibility.
I am late for a deposition.
Help yourself to breakfast. 
Mrs Dowdy seems to be running late this morning.
(chopping)
Agent Reyes, I'm Brian Hutchinson, superintendent.
- I appreciate you seeing me.
- Anything I can do to help.
Great. 
I'm reviewing evidence in the Fassl case.
Whatever I can do to ensure he gets locked back up again. 
Tell me what you need.
Thank you. 
That's an extremely helpful attitude. 
What's your reason for it?
I just don't think the system should have let him go.
Why exactly? 
The court says he's innocent.
Maybe. 
But there's another murder they don't know about.
Bob Fassl's cellmate was a biker named Spud Jennings.
A real badass, or at least he thought he was.
- Jennings was murdered?
- On, yeah.
We found him in a hallway that Bob Fassl had been mopping.
He was lying ten feet from Bob Fassl's mop bucket.
- Fassl nowhere to be found.
- Fassl killed him?
The murderer was caught on a security camera once he turned the corner.
This is a video grab, a pretty clear one.
You can see the blood on his hands.
One problem. 
This isn't Fassl.
This isn't anybody.
This man doesn't fit the description of any inmate currently incarcerated here.
We haven't been able to find him since.
Don't ask me to explain it.
We couldn't charge Fassl with it either.
But I know he had something to do with it.
Agent Doggett.
A word, please.
- Don't you have something to tell me?
- What do you mean?
The DNA retests. 
I understand you received the results this morning.
- Mr Fassl has been exonerated_.. again.
- The results aren't that simple.
The DNA is similar to Fassl's to a degree we haven't made sense of yet.
Look. 
I just spoke to the DA.
He's authorised a settlement offer which I intend to deliver to Mr Fassl's counsel posthaste.
I'll send the bailiffs down to retrieve the case files.
- Have a nice flight back to DC.
- We need more time to get to the truth.
This isn't about the truth. 
This is about getting a conviction, Agent Doggett.
And if we can't get a conviction, then the truth doesn't matter.
John! 
I may have a break in this case.
- A suspect.
- A suspect? 
Not Fassl?
You really need to see this.
- So who is he?
- I'm wondering more "What is he?"
I ran him through the offender database, facial recognition.
Came up with nothing.
it's like he has no identity.
Yet somehow this person materialised inside a maximum-security prison, killed an inmate and then vanished into thin air.
Ivlaterialised how?
Like Casper the Friendly Ghost?
When Duke and I entered that house back in '89, we didn't find ZZ Top here.
We found Bob Fassl, end of story.
Yeah, but what if the two were somehow connected?
Monica, this is not an X-File.
Don't try to turn it into one.
In prison, this being, this person, whatever you wanna call him, acted as if he were protecting Bob Fassl.
By getting him locked up in prison in the first place?
So either he's doing Fassl's bidding, or Fassl's doing his.
I'm thinking this bearded man was the one who committed the other seven murders.
I think we can prove it.
DNA evidence in the Sing Sing murder was gathered and filed.
All we have to do is compare it to the DNA from the 1989 murders.
No. 
Unfortunately that's not gonna work.
- The 1989 evidence has to be thrown out.
- What are you talkin' about?
The hair samples logged to your crime scene, Agent Doggett, were not there on the day the crimes were committed.
Are you accusing me?
Are you accusing me of planting evidence?
I am simply stating the facts. 
OK?
The DNA evidence that was used to convict Bob Fassl was planted.
(knocking)
Mr Fassl, I'm Damon Kailer.
I need to speak with your attorney.
Is she here?
You were at my hearing.
I'm the assistant district attorney.
Is Jana home?
She's not here.
Mr Fassl, I came to make a settlement offer on your case.
There's... 
There's no reason to be upset.
This is good news for you.
Tell her to call me. 
We'll work it out.
I wanna go back.
- I'm sorry?
- Please send me back to prison.
Listen, Mr Fassl.
I snouldn't be discussing this with you without your attorney present.
- But it's my fault.
- I can't be hearing this.
- it's the truth.
- That's not my concern.
- I'm sorry, John.
- You framed Fassl_
You saw how it was going down.
We arrested him at the scene, but he left no prints, no hair, no fibre.
Nothing to tie him to the murders.
How did you do it?
I took part of a hair sample that was found at a previous murder, and put it in with the evidence from our crime scene.
Johnny, it was the one and only time I ever did anything like that.
I was scared Fassl would walk, and I couldn't let that happen.
Not when I knew that... he was guilty.
Oh, God Almighty...
You know this is gonna come out.
No one's gonna hear it from me, but I can't ask Agent Scully to lie.
I don't want you to.
Duke, you son of a bitch! 
This is a felony!
I don't know how I can forgive you for this.
You break my heart.
Excuse me. 
Agent Doggett?
ADA Kailer, I assume you haven't seen him.
No. why?
Apparently nobody has.
(Reyes) Mr Fassl, when did you last see Damon Kailer?
Two days ago, at his hearing.
My client had nothing to do with Mr Kailer's disappearance.
- No direct involvement.
- None.
I think we can accept that.
We also accept that Mr Fassl had no direct involvement in the seven murders he was convicted of.
How magnanimous of you.
It's too bad you're 13 years too late.
- Is that it?
- No.
Actually, we believe this person committed the murders.
What do you think?
Do you recognise this man?
You know, we're here as a courtesy, which is something the police and the prosecution never showed Bob once.
Are you a Catholic, Bob?
So am I.
I remember times in my life when my rosary was a great comfort to me.
Comfort in times of tribulation.
And watching you now, I get the feeling that this is a tribulation for you.
This man.
Is it that he won't leave you alone, Bob?
Is it that you just want him to go away?
Tell us about him.
Tell us, so we can help make him go away.
No more mind games.
We're done.
What was that?
I don't know about you, but that was me changing my theory.
- What, no more ghosts?
- Nope.
Just Fassl.
What if a man of profound faith, a devout Catholic, was incapable of contrition?
As in... he couldn't admit his own sins?
Or even that he had a sinful side to him, as we all do.
What if he were so frightened by it that he couldn't even admit it to himself?
Might not that man manifest a second personality?
But it wouldn't explain the DNA evidence.
It would if he physically became that other personality.
So we've moved on from Casper the Friendly Ghost to Dr Jekyll and IVIr Hyde?
There is a precedent in the Catholic canon itself.
Transubstantiation.
The manipulation of matter and energy.
Water into wine?
Or the communion wafer into the body of Christ.
Monica, I've slept through Sunday schools, but I never heard about the guy becoming another guy.
It makes sense.
It explains what happened 13 years ago and what's happening now.
So what you're saying is, because this man won't face himself, won't face his own sins, that he is forced to become someone else.
A killer.
So now does someone go about catching a killer who hides inside an innocent man?
Do it.
I don't wanna hurt her.
- (knocking) - (Jana) Bob, are you OK?
Kill her.
Oh, my God!
What happened?
I... 
Ifell.
I'll fix you up. 
You'll be OK.
I'll take the next couple of hours.
You should get some shuteye.
Give yourself a break.
You haven't slept in 48 hours.
I'll sleep once we make sure this guy Fassl never kills again.
Fassl and his Charlie Manson sidekick.
- They're the same person.
- I don't wanna hear.
I just need to hear another theory that makes sense.
That theory doesn't make any sense.
How the hell to you does that make sense?
Meat-and-potatoes police work is what busted this guy 13 years ago.
It's what's gonna bust him again.
And that's enough.
And the day that's not enough...
Then I don't know what to tell you.
Cos I got nothin' else.
Check it out. 
The front door.
Jana Fain - check on her.
He was here.
He was here, the man in your photo.
The bearded man?
- Where's Bob Fassl?
- He was right there, and then he wasn't.
I don't know where...
- (Doggett) Agent Reyes.
- Call the police.
Agent Reyes!
"Cable access." Fassl worked for Triboro Cable.
- The trail ends here.
- Blood.
He could have gone either way.
John!
YOU OK?
Come on.
I'll take this way.
Aghg
John!
John!
Monica!
Let him go. 
You hear me?
Don't waste your breath. 
Shoot the bastard.
Bob Fassl, I'm talking to you.
I know you're in there, Bob.
There's a small part of you in there that couldn't kill Jana Fain.
I'll kill him!
I believe you, Bob, because you're a murderer.
Shut up! 
I'm not him.
- You're not just a murderer, you're a sinner.
- Shut up! 
Shut up! 
Shut up!
My housekeeper, Mrs Dowdy, can I see her?
It's better that you don't.
And the district attorney?
There are a lot of bodies in there.
There are many more victims than anyone ever knew.
I saw a bearded man. 
I know what I saw.
Ms Fain, I think we'd better get you home.
John?
I've been 48 hours without sleep.
I found out my ex-partner's a liar, a felon.
Don't ask me to explain how this could be.
So what happened tonight, all that was just you seeing things?
I can't accept this.
If you can, God love you, but it's not the way my mind works.
You closed this case.
This time around that was enough.
What happens next time?
Fixed  Synced By MoUsTaFa ZaKi 

[Man] Get going.
Please.
Do your damn job.
[Girl] You can't think Milli Vanilli is cool.
I will disown you.
[Laughs]
You are unbelievable.
[Chuckles]
Okay, I may puke, but I have to ask.
Which one do you intend to marry, Rob or Fab?
[Doorbell Rings]
Janet, get that.
[Mouthing Words]
Hang on.
I'm like the servant around here.
Yeah?
Triboro Cable.
What do you want?
Your cable's out.
Is it?
I don't think so.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Wait a sec.
Maybe my dad called you.
You better... come in.
TV's in here.
Dad! 
Cable guy's here!
Can I help you?
There's a problem with your cable?
I was just watching the game upstairs.
I think you got the wrong house, buddy.
Oh.
Is... that your work order?
Who called it in?
[Phone Beeping Off-hook]
[Beeping Grows Louder]
Police! 
Don't move!
Oh, God Almighty.
Face the wall.
Face the wall!
Johnny, check the other rooms.
They're all dead.
Got you.
Got you, you bastard.
D-O-G-G-E-T-T.
Two Gs and two Ts.
I was the arresting officer.
You're making a huge mistake.
I don't care what it shows!
I appreciate that, but I don't care what it shows.
It's wrong.
I was there.
We got the right guy.
An X-File?
I'm telling you, you let this guy go... more people are going to die.
Was that the DA on the case?
Assistant DA.
Some jag-off who was... probably in ninth grade when this happened.
What is it exactly you want him to do?
Keep the bastard locked up where he belongs.
Did you read that?
My partner and I busted this guy Fassl... when I was a beat cop 13 years ago.
He killed seven people.
Now they want to let him go so he can kill again.
It says here the DNA evidence proves he's innocent.
It's wrong.
It's some lab mistake, simple as that.
My partner Duke and I, we catch this 9-1-1.
Neighbor's hearing screaming coming from this house... on Flatbush Avenue.
We get there.
Teenage girl, mother, father...
all dead.
There's blood.
I can still remember the sound of the blood... squishing under my shoes.
This guy Fassl's just standing there.
So you didn't actually catch him in the act.
Ten seconds earlier through the door, and we would have.
[Footsteps Approaching]
Tell me you got good news.
I have combed through every detail of this ME's report.
I have read and reread it.
And I am sorry, Agent Doggett... but the DNA fingerprinting does indeed exonerate this man.
You're telling me there's no way?
There's not even a million-to-one chance... that these DNA tests are wrong?
Actually, a hundred million.
I need the reports run again.
I need you to do it yourself.
Agent Doggett, you...
It'll take at least 48 hours.
That's too long.
Where you going?
New York.
I can't just sit here and wait for this guy to kill again.
John...
Look, I get it.
Enough people tell you you're drunk... it's time to lie down.
But I know what I know.
I could really use your help.
[Door Sliding Open]
[Footsteps Approaching]
It's time to go.
Congratulations, Bob.
Best of luck to you.
How does it feel to be a free man?
Are you going to sue the police?
What do you think... you'll do next?
It goes without saying that my client is happy... once more to be a free man.
I myself am overjoyed.
I think today is a day to celebrate.
But tomorrow, we will be looking... very closely at the reasons why Bob was falsely accused... and incarcerated.
Thirteen years of his life were stolen from him.
We'll be looking at the Brooklyn DA's office... and the New York City Police Department.
[Voice Fades]
Bob...
Bob, let's get you out of here.
- Thank you. 
Thank you.
- How do you feel?
That's enough.
- [All Shouting Questions] 
- Thank you. 
Enough.
- [All Shouting Questions] 
- Thank you. 
Enough.
Wait a minute. 
On top of springing loose a murderer... you're telling me... the City of New York is going to pay him off?
Hell, yes, and count ourselves lucky.
We didn't spring a murderer.
We sprang an innocent man.
Or maybe you didn't glean that from our previous conversation.
Mr. Kaylor, on the off-chance that that's not true... what would be the harm in letting us look... through your documents pertaining to this case?
I mean, who knows, maybe we can save... the city some settlement money.
Or maybe it gets me in an even bigger jackpot... when Jana Fain starts crying police vendetta.
Yelling at the papers about the disgruntled former cop... who's out to get her client.
Somebody committed these murders, right?
And now that you've sprung Mr. Bob Fassl... the victims' families are going to start asking who.
How you going to answer them?
There's a lot of material here.
Where should we start?
Right there.
The original arrest report.
"Arresting officer:
John Doggett."
It must've been a career-maker.
Well, it didn't hurt when I put in for detective.
The murders had been front-page news for weeks.
The sense of relief everybody felt... when we caught Fassl, it was...
You know, John... whatever we find here, sometimes... sometimes even good cops make mistakes.
Yeah.
And I've made more than I can count... but this wasn't one of them.
Whatever you think...
I'm not here trying to cover my ass.
That's not what I think.
It's not. 
I just...
I just worry that maybe this is about you feeling guilty.
I feel guilty.
Like what, subconsciously?
Like I was told I sent an innocent man to prison... only I refuse to accept it?
A cop I know, a man I respect deeply... he told me one time... you don't clock out at the end of your shift... unless you know you did everything you could.
That's what this is about... me not clocking out.
Bob, I just want you to make yourself at home... while you're here.
Just relax.
Oh!
Mrs. Dowdy, this is Bob Fassl.
He'll be staying with us for a while.
Oh, I have your room all made up.
I hope you'll be quite comfortable.
Thank you very much...
Mrs. Dowdy.
You're rich.
Well, my parents were.
I inherited this when they died.
I've been very fortunate.
That's why I try and use my family's resources... to help where I can.
You do good things.
You're a good person.
Well, I guess it takes one to know one.
I know some businesspeople... who are sympathetic to your situation... and when you're ready... we'll set up some job interviews.
[Bed Creaks Slightly]
I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now.
I'm so sorry for everything you've been through.
And I'm so happy for you now.
[Muttering Prayer]
[Eerie, Raspy Whirring]
[Horn Honking]
[Siren Wailing In Distance]
[Doggett] Hey, buddy... did you steal that car?
[Chuckles]
If it ain't the FBI!
[Laughing]
Duke Tomasick.
Looking good.
Well, hell, yeah.
I was always the pretty one.
[Laughing]
Not that I'd steal you away... from even one minute of retirement... but I got to get another viewpoint on this case... from someone who was there that night.
And, Duke, I'm racking my brain on this thing... and I'm coming at it from every possible angle.
Was there something we missed?
Well, yeah, we arrested the wrong man.
I'm sorry, John.
I've been torn up about this... since I read it in the paper... but unless there's something that you know that I don't...
I mean, it looks like, uh, we just got to face facts.
Duke, you were there that night!
Fassl was the only one in the house!
He killed those people!
John, wise up.
Will you drop this thing?
What did you always tell me about being a good cop?
You said never to clock out.
Well, I got another lesson for you, huh?
Keep after this thing... it's going to bite you in your ass.
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to see how you were settling in... and I should have knocked.
I'd read in your file... that you had once attended the seminary?
That you studied to be a priest?
I think it's wonderful that all you've been through... hasn't diminished your faith.
I pray all the time.
I pray even when it looks like I'm not praying.
I know someone's listening, Bob.
Good night.
[Raspy Whirring]
No. 
Don't.
Please don't hurt her.
Plea...
Were you here all night?
There's got to be something here... the prosecution overlooked...
I overlooked... something...
I can hang this guy with...
DNA or no.
Well, speaking of DNA...
Ah, come on.
The retests of the typing confirm the original results... that the hair samples do indeed belong... to someone other than Robert Fassl.
So, what do we do?
We just go home?
This is wrong. 
This is...
Well, John, there is... something else.
It's something that explains why 13 years ago... the science of the day identified the hair as Fassl's.
I spoke to the forensic examiner... who ran the tests... and he found a match in 12 of the 13 key genes.
- What does that mean?
- It means... that the mitochondrial DNA in the hair sample... is genetically similar to Fassl's.
In fact, it is remarkably similar.
It is so similar that it must be from a blood relative.
Wait a minute.
Fassl's an only child.
His parents died when he was 13.
He's got nobody.
I know.
You know?
Then you know that what you're saying's impossible.
And yet somehow it's true.
Would you get dressed and come on downstairs, please?
Bob, this morning I noticed something... that I have to talk to you about.
The dresser drawers in my bedroom... have been opened... and somebody had been through my things.
You weren't home last night?
I think you know that I wasn't.
As it happens, I was called down to county lockup... on behalf of another client.
If you're going to stay here... then you have to respect me, my privacy, my possessions.
You're a free man now... and with freedom comes responsibility.
[Sighs]
I am late for a deposition.
Uh... help yourself to breakfast.
Mrs. Dowdy seems to be running late this morning.
[Squishy Chopping, Crunching]
Agent Reyes.
I'm Brian Hutchinson... the superintendent of the prison.
I appreciate you seeing me on such short notice.
Anything I can do to help.
Great. 
I'm reviewing evidence pertinent to the Fassl case.
Whatever I can do to ensure... he gets locked back up again, by all means.
Tell me what you need.
Well... thank you.
That's an extremely helpful attitude.
What's your reason for it?
I just don't think the system should have let him go.
Why, exactly?
The court says he's innocent.
Maybe, but there's another murder they don't know about.
[Hutchinson] Bob Fassl's cellmate... was a biker named Spud Jennings, a real bad-ass... or at least he thought he was.
Jennings was murdered?
Oh, yeah.
We found him in a hallway that Bob Fassl had been mopping.
He was lying ten feet from Bob Fassl's mop bucket.
Fassl nowhere to be found.
Well, Fassl killed him?
The murderer was caught on a security camera... once he turned the corner.
This is a videograph, a pretty clear one.
You can see the blood on his hand.
One problem: 
This isn't Fassl.
This isn't anybody.
This man... doesn't fit the description of any inmate... currently incarcerated here.
We haven't been able to find him since.
Don't ask me to explain it.
We couldn't charge Fassl with it, either... but I sure as hell know he had something to do with it.
Agent Doggett?
A word, please.
Don't you have something to tell me, Agent Doggett?
What do you mean?
The DNA retests.
I understand you received the results this morning.
Mr. Fassl has been exonerated.
Again.
The results aren't that simple.
The DNA is similar to Fassl's... to a degree we haven't quite made sense of yet.
Look...
I just spoke to the DA.
He's authorized a settlement offer... which I intend to deliver to Mr. Fassl's counsel... posthaste.
I'll send the bailiffs down to retrieve the case files.
Have a nice flight back to D.C.
We need more time to get to the truth!
This isn't about the truth.
This is about getting a conviction, Agent Doggett.
And if we can't get a conviction... then the truth doesn't matter.
John...
I may have a break in this case.
A suspect.
A suspect?
Not Fassl?
You really need to see this.
[Doggett] So, who is he?
[Reyes] I'm wondering... more along the line of what is he?
I ran him through the known offender database... facial recognition...
came up with nothing.
It's like he has no identity.
Yet somehow... this person materialized inside a maximum security prison... killed an inmate and then vanished into thin air.
Materialized how, like Casper, the Friendly Ghost?
When Duke and I... entered that house back in '89... we didn't find ZZ Top here.
We found Bob Fassl.
End of story.
Yeah, but what if the two were somehow connected?
Monica, for God's sake, this is not an X-File.
Don't try to turn it into one.
In prison, this being, this person... whatever you want to call him...
- he acted as if he were protecting Bob Fassl.
- Protecting him?
How, by getting him locked up in prison in the first place?
So, either he's doing Fassl's bidding... or Fassl's doing his.
However you slice it, I'm thinking this bearded man... was the one who committed the other seven murders.
I think we can prove it.
DNA evidence in the Sing Sing murder... was gathered and filed by the prison authorities.
All we have to do is compare it to the DNA... from the 1989 murders.
No.
Unfortunately, that's not going to work.
The 1989 evidence has to be thrown out.
What are you talking about?
The hair samples...
logged to your crime scene, Agent Doggett... were not there on the day the crimes were committed.
Are you accusing me?
Are you accusing me of planting evidence?
I am simply stating the facts... okay?
The DNA evidence that was used... to convict Bob Fassl...
was planted.
[Knocking]
Mr. Fassl.
I'm Damon Kaylor.
I need to speak with your attorney.
Is she here?
You were at my hearing.
I'm the Assistant District Attorney.
Is Jana home?
She's not here.
Mr. Fassl, I came to make a settlement offer on your case.
It's... 
There's no reason to be upset.
This is good news for you.
Tell her to call me.
We'll work it out.
I want to go back.
I'm sorry?
Please, send me back to prison.
Uh, listen, Mr. Fassl, I, uh...
I shouldn't even be discussing this with you... without your attorney present.
But it's my fault.
L-I... 
I can't be hearing this.
It's the truth.
That's not my concern.
[Low Gurgling Sounds]
[Gurgling]
I'm sorry, John.
You framed Fassl.
You saw how it was going down.
We arrested him at the scene... but he-he left no prints, no hair, no fiber.
Nothing to actually tie him to the murders.
How did you do it?
I took a...
part of a hair sample... that was found at a-a previous murder... and put it in with the evidence... from our crime scene.
[Sighs]
Johnny... it was the one and only time I ever did anything like that.
L-I was scared Fassl would walk.
L-I couldn't let that happen.
Not when I knew that...
that he was guilty.
Guilty. 
God Almighty.
You know this is going to come out.
I mean, no one's going to hear it from me... but... but I can't put Agent Scully on the spot.
I can't ask her to lie.
I don't want you to.
Duke, you son of a bitch, this is a felony!
I don't know how I can forgive you for this.
You break my heart.
[Door Opening]
[Scully] Excuse me.
Agent Doggett?
ADA Kaylor... 
I assume you haven't seen him.
No. 
Why?
Apparently, nobody has.
[Water Rushing]
[Plastic Rustling]
[Water Rushing]
[Reyes] Mr. Fassl, when was the last time you saw Damon Kaylor?
[Jana] Two days ago, at his release hearing.
My client had nothing to do with Mr. Kaylor's disappearance.
No direct involvement.
None.
I think we can... accept that.
We're also prepared to accept... that Mr. Fassl had no direct involvement... in the seven murders... he was previously convicted of.
How magnanimous of you.
It's too bad you're 13 years too late.
Is that it?
No.
Actually, we believe this person... committed the murders.
[Reyes] What do you think?
Do you recognize this man?
You know... we're here as a courtesy... which is something the police... and the prosecution... never showed Bob once.
Are you a Catholic, Bob?
So am I.
I remember times in my life when my rosary... was a great comfort to me.
Comfort in times of tribulation.
And watching you now, I get the feeling... that this is a tribulation for you.
This man.
Is it that he won't leave you alone, Bob?
Is it that you just want him to go away?
Tell us about him.
Tell us so we can help make him go away.
No more mind games.
We're done.
[Door Opens And Closes]
What the hell was that?
I don't know about you... but that was me changing my theory.
What, no more ghosts?
Uh, nope.
Just Fassl.
[Reyes] What if a man of profound faith... a devout Catholic...
was incapable of contrition?
As in he couldn't admit his own sins?
Or even that he had a sinful side to him... as we all do.
What if he were so frightened by it... that he couldn't even admit it to himself?
Might not someone like that manifest a second personality?
But it wouldn't explain the DNA evidence.
It would... if he physically became that other personality.
So, what, we've moved on from Casper, the Friendly Ghost... to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?
There is a precedent... in the Catholic Canon itself.
Transubstantiation:
The manipulation of matter and energy.
You mean, water into wine.
Or the communion wafer into the Body of Christ.
Monica, I've slept through my share of Sunday schools... but I never heard the story... about the guy becoming another guy.
It's the one explanation that makes sense.
It explains what happened 13 years ago... and it explains what's happening now.
So what you're saying is... because this man won't face himself, won't face his own sins... then he is forced to become someone else.
A killer.
So, how does someone go about catching a killer... who hides inside an innocent man?
Do it.
I don't want to hurt her!
[Knocking On Door]
[Jana] Bob? 
Are you okay?
Kill her.
Oh, my God.
What happened?
I, uh... 
l-I fell.
[Gasps]
I'll fix you up.
You'll be okay.
[Gasps]
I'll take the next couple of hours.
You should get some shuteye.
John, give yourself a break.
You haven't slept in 48 hours.
I'll sleep once we make sure... this guy Fassl never kills again.
Fassl and his...
Charlie Manson sidekick.
They're one and the same person.
Monica, I don't want to hear...
Okay, but I just need to hear another theory that makes sense.
That theory doesn't make any sense.
How the hell to you does that make sense?
Meat-and-potatoes police work... is what busted this guy 13 years ago.
And it's what's going to bust him again.
And that's enough.
And the day that's not enough... then I don't know what to tell you.
[Sighs]
'Cause I got nothing else.
I'm going to go check it out... the front door.
Jana Fain... check on her.
Oh, my God. 
He was here.
He was here...
the man in your photo.
The bearded man?
Where's Bob Fassl?
Oh, he-he was right there... and then he wasn't... 
I don't...
I don't know where.
Agent Reyes?
Call the police.
Agent Reyes!
"Cable access."
Fassl worked for Triboro Cable.
[Grunts]
Trail ends here.
Blood.
He could have gone either way.
John!
[Gunshots]
You okay?
Yeah.
Come on.
I'll take this way.
[Water Dripping]
[Water Rushing]
[Metal Clanking]
[Screaming]
John!
John!
Monica!
- [Screams] - [Pistol Plopping]
Let him go. 
You hear me?
!
Let him go!
Don't waste your breath.
Just shoot the bastard.
Bob Fassl, I'm talking to you.
I know you're in there...
Bob.
There's some small part of you in there... that couldn't killJana Fain when you had the chance.
I'll kill him!
I believe you, Bob, because you're a murderer.
Shut up!
I'm not him.
You're not just a murderer.
You're a sinner.
Shut up! 
Shut up!
Shut up!
Monica!
[Gunshot]
[Grunts]
[Sniffles] My housekeeper...
Mrs. Dowdy... can I see her?
It's better that you don't.
And the district attorney?
There are a lot of bodies in there.
Oh.
There are many more victims than anyone ever knew.
[Sighs]
I saw a bearded man.
I know what I saw.
[Sighs]
Ms. Fain, I think we better get you home.
John...?
I've been 48 hours without sleep.
I found out my ex-partner's a liar and a felon.
Don't ask me to explain how this could be.
So what happened tonight?
All that was just you seeing things?
I can't accept this.
If you can, God love you... but it's not the way my mind works.
You closed this case.
This time around, that was enough.
What happens next time?
[Child] I made this.!

My dearest granddaughter by the time you read this you will no doubt have grown into a confident and beautiful young woman
Your journey will not be an easy one
You will be expected to show courage and face many challenges which may threaten to destroy our world
But you are not alone Marion
And help will come, in unexpected ways and from unfamiliar faces
And as the darkness descends around Dinotopia never allow it to overwhelm you
Instead, follow your heart and prepare to fulfill your destiny as matriarch
Find the light.
I hate flying.
This will be a treat
David...
We're going to go island-hopping
You're going to love it 
- I promise
Let's just leave him behind Dad
He's going to be like this all day
I agree with Karl
I was happier reading back at the villa
You're not going to be sitting in your room reading
David, you'll be out doing something
There, we're all set
C'mon Karl, fly the plane
This is very important you keep your air speed above a hundred and forty
Okay
This is so cool
He's flying the plane
Yeah, I see
Wake me up twenty minutes before landing
What?
It's alright David
I think I know what I'm doing
What is that?
What?
That....what is that?
You see that?
Wake up Dad! 
Dad!
Where did that come from?
Hang on we've got to turn it to try and outrun this thing
Get your belts on!
Dad we're out of control
The plane rapidly goes down crashing into the water.
HANG ON!
It's sucking us in...
brace yourselves!
The plane is filling with water
Open the door!
Open the door!
Dad!
Dad!
David...!
Where's dad?
I couldn't get him out
What are we going to do?
Come on follow me
Where are we?
What is this place?
I don't know Davey... 
I don't know
Karl, what are we doing?
We should have just stayed with the plane
We didn't have a choice David we would have drowned
We just left him...
I tried...
there was nothing I could do
What happened, happened
Now, if we can find some help, a phone
Maybe there's a chance
Where do you think we are?
I don't know all these islands look the same to me
I don't believe this we've been walking for hours and nothing
No people, no houses not even a road to follow
Lets keep walking we're bound to find someone, somewhere
Do you see that?
What the hell is that?
I don't know, but whatever it is
looks kind of creepy
Sorry. 
Sorry. 
Apologies
Sincere apologies for the inconvenience
I have uh
I have permission from the Volcaneum council to explore ancient sites in the hope of finding unused sunstones
It's all an order....
I have the papers.
Well, well, well. hello boys
Sorry you gave me a bit of a fright there
We gave you a fright?
Unless I'm very much mistaken you're something of a rarity uh
You just arrived?
Uh,Yes...
Splendid! 
I knew it! 
Are newcomers...
So where are we exactly?
Dinotopia
Oh, you'll be the talk of the place
Its not every day we get new arrivals
Dinotopia? 
Where is that?
Listen, can I use your cell phone?
What?
You know, a telephone
We need to call the Coast Guard right away.
We were in a storm, our plane.. crashed
Our father... he's... missing
We've got to get some help
Awh, you want the postal bird
I'm afraid I can't help you there
Postal bird?
Postal Bird
What were you doing up there anyway?
Awh, just a bit of archeology
You're the first Archeologist I've met who uses dynamite
Yes, well I have a number of occupations to be honest with you
I'm something of an independent spirit which can get a man into trouble around here
Hmm. 
Awl - fancy a livner Go on
Thanks
Well for what it's worth and for no extra cost
I offer you the eternal friendship of Cyrus Crabb
That's me. 
Well, wast'n me time here
This place's been picked clean with a fine tooth comb
You got anything you want to swap?
Rings, watches, no?
Well if it's any use to you boys
I'll escort you to the chandera bus depot I'm catching the bus there myself in about half an hour, fancy that?
Alright
Follow me
So, how big is Dinotopia?
Not that big
Couple of hundred miles across
Two hundred miles?
How come we've never heard about it before?
Well we're a little cut off from the rest of the world
Look at this place....
I mean these people?
Come on
This is really weird
Well no, just...
You don't think this is weird?
Look at the signs
What kind of markings are those?
What's that sound? 
Is it an animal?
Scalator
What's going on?
What is that...
Come on!
Hey, hey, hey it's all right calm down, calm down
Calm down
What can that be?
It's a dinosaur
Those must have died off millions of years ago
If only my boy, if only
It's coming right for us
Yep, time to say farewell, I think
Awh, there she is thought she'd turn up at a time like this
Who's she?
Come on boys, while she perform her work
She must be crazy
Easy now
Hey Is she crazy?
!
Calm down boys. 
Don't worry about her
Calm down.
What is it?
What's wrong?
Toothache
That was amazing
She's Dinotopian Twentieth generation
I'd loved to spend more time with you but I have to catch a night bus to Volcaneum
Very important meeting but if ah, there's anything you need don't hesitate to call it's no bother at all
Crabbs Curios... 
Waterfall City...
That's your store?
Finest in antiques and antiquities
Listen,don't waste your time here in the provinces got to Waterfall City
Pick up your tickets over there
Maybe we'll see you there
Oh, you can be sure of it
I know future friends when I see them
Todaloo...
I'm not sure I trust him
Why not?
He's just a weird old guy with a limp and a few sticks of dynamite
I wonder if there's a map around here...
Well look lets try to find Waterfall City
Maybe we can get tickets up here
Well I guess that means it's closed...
Excuse me we need to get to a place called Waterfall City
Waterfall City the next bus is at dawn
Dawn?
Great. 
Now what
David... you asleep?
What do you think?
How can a place like this really exist without everybody knowing about it
Its mind blowing
I don't know David
I don't have any answers
But I do know we have to get out of this dump
Get to that city Crabb talked about
Waterfall City?
Exactly, we can find some help there get search parties out, call home
Do you really think some place called Waterfall City is going to have telephones?
What do you mean?
I think the rules here are different and we better start learning them
No, no! 
Screw the rules
I'm not forgetting about dad
Nobody's forgetting about Dad
There's just nothing we can do right now not until we understand this place
I don't want to understand this place
I want to get home
Look, right now we sleep, OK?
And tomorrow, the city... we do whatever it takes to find someone in charge
Route 1 1. 
Betta hurry, over there
Great - thank you
Hey 
- That should do ya
Excuse me, uh, hi, my name's Karl this is my brother Davey
It's David, hi
Hello, my name's Marian
You were pretty impressive the yesterday dealing with that... whatever it was
Ankylosaurus
Weren't you scared?
I'm studying to be a leader
I must be calm in a crisis if I'm expect to inspire others
You're not from around here,are you?
Um, no. 
Not exactly
We had an accident and swam to
Now we are trying to get to Waterfall City
Oh, that's my destination
Now I understand what's happened to you
But don't be afraid you are not the first
When you arrive in Waterfall City everything will be explained just as soon as you register
Register?
We don't want to register for anything
We just want to get home
I imagine that so... this way
This is the bus?
He's a brach - a brahiosaurus
We will be travelling with him across the Rainy Basin
What's that for?
Armor, that's to stop him from getting killed
He says he much appreciates the protection
The bus is secure
We will be leaving in 5 minutes
Waterfall City direct
He won't eat us, will he?
Brach's are plant eaters
To get to Waterfall City we have cross the rainy basin it's the domain of the carnivores
We only cross when it's absolutely essential and then only in a convoy
But don't worry
We carry extra food to appease them
Appease them?
The carnivores are not evil there just hungry by nature
So,do you have any weapons?
We won't fight the carnivores
He means if they attack us
I understand
Dinotopians don't carry weapons
Weapons are enemies to their even to their owners
Third code of Dinotopia
Wait a minute you have a law that says you can't defend yourself?
There are ways to defend yourself without using weapons
And besides it's only one in five convoys that are attacked
Oh, good
Now I'll just complete this hideous picture for us
Exactly what kind of dinosaurs are we likely to encounter?
Tyrannosaurus Rex, of course
Of course
Of course...
What's happening?
why are we stopping?
The brachs something's scaring them
Where's he going?
What is it?
Tyrannosaurus
These droppings are fresh
And the tracks there are hundreds of them
I've never anything like it
Dinosaur's never hunt in herds
These ones did
There's a small outpost at the edge of the forest
We have got to make sure their safe come on
What's happened here?
Where is everybody?
Look
What is it?
The sunstone has failed
What's a sunstone?
It's our source of power keeps the outposts and settlements safe
This one's dead
What is it?
Quiet
What's going on?
Must have been the thunder
We should get back to the brachs
We can't
The next outpost is more than 5 hours away
The brachs will never carry us through the storm
Then we'll have to find shelter here
Would you like something to eat
That would be great
Yeah, I'm starving
Any chance of a steak... a burger... or some chicken
You want a bird... to eat?
We eat only fruits and vegetables in Dinotopia
And you do you eat meat?
ME? 
No, no I'm a very strict vegetarian
Why thank you
Ugh, it's bitter
You're supposed to peel it first
See you haven't lost your touch Karl
Awh, Karl, has a restless spirit
Has he always been that way?
Yeah, I guess so
I've never spent this much time with him before
You're brothers but you don't live together
No, no we hardly see each other at all
We have different mothers
See my father he had a very active social life
We were born just a few months apart but we didn't grow up together
We just don't have anything in common so we're not exactly best friends
I'm sorry about your father. 
David
Thank you
Did you hear that?
They're harmless
Creatures of the rainy basin
Well something's making them panic
Something's making me panic
We should all try to get some sleep
Karl
Karl
Karl
What is it now?
I swear I heard something
It was like a rumble coming through the floor
So go back to bed
Let's check it out
OK
What?
Can you see anything?
No, nothing but jungle out there
I thought... ya know...well I thought...
You thought a T-Rex was coming to get you
Yeah
Outside! 
Run! 
Run! 
Hurry!
Over here quick
Keep running!
Marion!
Marion!
Are you OK?
It's alright.
They're Skybaxs they're here to help us
I am Oonu Squadron Leader, Skybax Corps
I think you just saved our lifes
Yes, this time you were lucky
I am going to recommend this bus service be suspended until further notice
We cannot guarantee the safety of the passengers
And you! 
Stop!
No one ever but a rider approaches a sky bax
These are not tame birds
If you value your life, stay back
I will provide you an airborne escort for the rest of your journey
What happened to everybody here
We rescued the rest of the staff earlier
We flew them out before the storms came in but three people and their Triceratops patrol are still missing
As yet we have no sightings
I fear they are dead
OK lets go
Right. 
Come on, follow us
What's the best way to fight those things?
We don't approve of violence in Dinotopia
Even when it saves your life?
That T-Rex almost killed us back there
Our lives are no more precious than that of a Tyrannosaurus
Come on Marion, eat or be eaten kill or be killed... that's the law of the jungle
We're human beings and that means we're at the top of the food chain
We are recent guests on this planet
The dinosaurs have been here for a hundred and sixty million years
Mammals like us are only recent
Look, I like my dog back home but he's not getting a driver's licence you know what I'm saying?
You feel superior to them?
Well yeah you bet I do
But you're not
Karl feels superior to everything
If dinosaurs are so superior then how come they're doing all the manual labor?
Dinosaurs take pride in their strength
Well they're still carrying us around on their backs
There's many things you can learn from a Brachiosaurus
Oh yeah? 
Like what?
Like humility
Welcome to Waterfall City
I've never seen anything like it
It's a beautiful city like something out of a fairy tale
Marion, your world map is a little off
America isn't joined to Europe
At the beginning of the Triassic period all the continents were joined together in one huge supercontinent called Pangea
Surprise you didn't know that David
Why are they all looking at us?
There haven't been newcomers in many years
You're celebrities
The mayor of Waterfall City is coming to speak
This is the palace
Who's that guy?
He looks like a clown with all those robes on
Hello father
Oh Marion
I heard about the Tyrannosaurus attack I've been so worried
I'm fine there's nothing to be frightened off but I would like to address the senate on what I saw
Oh yes, yes Plenty of time for that
Dinner's at eight
Quarter to nine by the time the speeches have dragged on
Oh well...
Now on behalf of the people of Dinotopia
I Waldo Saville the 207th Mayor of Waterfall City and speaker of the Dinotopian Senate extend to you all our warmest welcome and hospitality
Excuse me Mr. Mayor?
Our plane... crashed into the sea
David and I, we escaped but our father was trapped in it
What we need is a search party
Don't worry, dear boys now the senate awaits you and we will address all your concerns
Recorded on this scroll you can see those names of all the shipwrecked souls whom destiny has delivered to our land
They number in thousands from all corners of the earth from every century
Those poor unfortunates castawayed on the winds of misfortune only to find a better life a life of harmony fulfillment, here on the shores of Dinotopia
And we are their descendents
Welcome
Please, please do sign
Welcome to Waterfall City...
David Scott
And a very warm welcome to you to...
Karl Scott
Well we would like to formally except you into the Waterfall City Academy where you will, after training be given the chance to become full Dinotopian citizens and find your saurian life partner
Saurian?
You mean one of those scaleys?
We don't use that ugly term here but yes you will be paired with a dinosaur
There's a ceremony and we take a vow it's like a marriage
Well thank you for the offer but we have to get home
Our dad's still out there there's no way we can stay here
We understand that you both must be upset but many Dinotopians have lost friends and families in the ship wrecks that brought them here but I'm afraid your past life is gone
This must be a big shock to you but when you understand the truly wonderful life out here
Marion, we have to get off this island
I'm afraid that's impossible
Over the centuries a few have tried but they've all perished on the razor reef
But wait a minute how do you know no one's ever made it?
Had you ever heard of Dinotopia before you arrived?
No...
Exactly
Now you can't imagine how exciting this is for us you're the first new arrivals for many a long time and we're all waiting to hear of the changes your world
Come on, come along
Our last off-worlder was shipwrecked in 1944
So what have been the principal changes in your society since then?
What?
Oh yes, are you still at war with the Germans?
Oh, no we won that one
Well done
You'll tell us about the significant historical events that have followed
Uh...significant events let's see hmm..
there was the War in Vietnam and Watergate um the Gulf War the Cold War and that's when they knocked down the Berlin wall
They knocked down the wall?
Where's there something wrong with it
That's a little hard to explain
Lets see what else... uh.. 
Oh!
the space program, Apollo 1 1 that's when Neal Armstrong walked on the moon
Technology is very advanced these days
We all have mobile phones DVDs and laptops
Everybody's on the lnternet
I'm sorry I think we're a little confused
I thought you said someone walked on the moon?
The most significant event in my history was falling out of the sky and watching my father swept away to drown
Welcome to Dinotopia
WOW!
It's just incredible, isn't it?
You'll get used to it
I'm not so sure
I don't understand how a place this big hasn't been found before it's not on any maps
Is that so surprising?
What do you mean?
Are there no mysteries left out there where you came from?
Well no, there's a lot of things we don't know about our world
Well this is just another one
This is the ancient library of Dinotopia
This is your library?
Must be centuries old
Look at all these scrolls
I'd love to read some of them
You might find that a little bit difficult seeing their aren't English
Oh...
What's he doing?
Dinosaurs hate turning pages they do their best thinking when their feet are moving
Daretakalada
Gosh, I'm sorry
No, no, no, no it's perfectly alright
It was completely my fault
This dinosaur can talk!
Dare-tago
Dare-tago madam Marion.
David and Karl Scott, right
Um yes, I can speak English and French
Bonjour mon ami
Bonjour!
I can understand 1 7 major human and Saurian languages and imitate many natural sounds
I was at the top of my class
So how many dinosaur's can talk?
All of them
But very few learn to speak English properly if that's what you mean
How exciting it is to meat you!
Oh, I just love mammals
I have to leave you now
I'm going to speak to the senate
Good bye
Well wait a minute where are we supposed to go?
Where are we going to sleep?
Oh, I'm sorry I thought you had been told
ZIPEAU has kindly agreed to give you temporary accommodation in his house
Yes
Goodbye
You mean we're staying with a dinos
A librarian
Right, librarian
Yes
Mmmmm, this is delicious
Your fork Karl
Very kind of you to put us up ZIPEAU
Oh no, not at all I find you a very interesting species
I just love the way you jump about very quick reactions and the way you eat with your little knife and fork cutting up all the food first it's so funny
So do you have a human partner
I was partners with Sylvia of the Hatchery
But I was never sought another after my soulmate's death
Wow, how'd ya score a babe like that?
God...
What?
Babe? 
Hmm...very colorful language
It's a spiritual union...
I don't think you understand yet
No, I'll never meet another like her... babe
Dare-toe camada Almasoar
Food's getting cold darling
I thought you spoke beautifully to the senate
I couldn't believe my little girl looked so grown up
The debate was very interesting but the next meeting's not scheduled for another month
Well the dinotopian way is the reasoned way
A good mind is a calm mind
Danad-you-sec Almasoar
Father this isn't the first time the sunstone has failed and I've never seen Tyrannosaurus running in herds
Perhaps the outer settlements are being attacked because the sunstones are failing
Is that so. 
An intriguing idea
I shall send out skybaxs patrols to confirm the reports before the next meeting
Wow very cool
We're in the nut house
Yeah. 
I know. 
What a place, I mean it's just incredible
And all that talk about partners doesn't it seem just a bit creepy
I'm mean we're talking about lizards here
No, I mean this is some kind of Utopia where everyone lives in harmony
Yeah, well there's no way I'm ever going to be walking around with a lizard girlfriend
As for studying "saurian" whatever that is you can forget it
Why do you always turn against everything when we haven't even started
What's the point when we're going home anyway?
Oh, and how are we going to do that?
I mean you saw what the razor reef did to our plane, right
You know the more I listen to you the more
I think you want to stay here
Of course I want to go home but we don't know how to
So,all I'm saying is we should make the best of it
You really don't want to leave, do you?
I can't believe it
Think about it Karl, don't you see something absolutely amazing has happened to us
No, I think watching dad die has kind of ruined it for me
You know I didn't mean that
Well I think I know Dad what would say
He'd say this is a good adventure
We should be exploring and seeing things no one has ever seen before
Maybe we should stay just for a little while see what life is like here
Maybe that's because you don't have a life back home
Well I do, and I want it back
Before your grandmother
Oriana, died, she gave me this
She said it wasn't to be passed to you before your eighteenth birthday
What is it?
Open it
What does it say?
"Find the light"
A sunstone
This was her greatest treasure
The explorer Arthur Denison found it and give it to her at least a hundred years ago
It is almost perfect
Apart from the Prime Sunstone
I have never seen it's equal
Orianna knew you were special even as a baby...
Marion, I would like you to lead the Sunstone parade next week
Oh father, that would be the greatest honor
I tell you my dear there is nothing that could make a father prouder
She's quite nice to look at isn't she?
Don't let the mayor catch ya starring at her like that
He'll run you out of town
She's not for the likes of us ordinary people
I was just, uh, having a look around
Of course you were who wouldn't on a wonderful night like this
Oh Karl, hope you don't mind me saying that brother of yours he's a bit of an odd sort isn't he?
Well we're only half brothers... never really been that close
Awh, I'm so sorry that your father's gone
Yeah, so am I
I'll be saying a little prayer for him tonight if that's all right with you
Sure
Why don't you call on me at the shop sometime whenever you get tired of the scaley's trying to change you
Breathe deep
Seek peace
I can't believe you just said that "seek peace" you give me the creeps
Oh, grow up it's a greeting
Others first, self last
Others first, self last
Do one thing at a time
Do one thing at a time
Awh, awh, here are your new classmates
David and Karl
Breathe deep David and Karl
Seek peace
No way
I'm not staying this school's for little children
Then you should feel right at home
Oh yes, it's beginners class
Forget about it ZIPEAU
Oh no! 
I thought you'd be delighted!
The visiting tutor in this class is your travelling companion Marion
This term you will be studying saurian
At the end of the term you will sit an examination and write your answers in foot print language
Now who can tell me the first code of Dinotopia
One raindrop raises the sea
Very Good
I will now read to you all the codes of Dinotopia:
1. 
One raindrop raises the sea 2. 
Survival of all or none 3. 
Weapons are enemies even to their owners 4. 
Give more take less 5. 
Others first self last 6. 
Observe, listen and learn 7. 
Do one thing
Karl, that is unnecessary destruction of public property... and that is not how stegosauruses reproduce
8. 
Sing every day 9. 
Exercise imagination 10. 
Eat to live don't live to eat
Now, who know where we would find all the codes of dinotopia written down?
ME! 
Me! 
ME! 
ME! 
Me!
In fountain square
Very good David
What? 
I read it in ZIPEAU's city guide
And a very special significance to all dinotopians
Ancient legend tells how it was brought up from the world beneath
Tens of thousands of years ago
What's the world beneath?
It's a mythical place where dinosaurs were said to have found sanctuary at the dawn of time...
Rule Four... 
Give more, take less
Very good
You can see down near the bottom here that the very last code is missing
All that can be made out are the first three letters
"F-l-N" Nobody knows what the eleventh code is
Anyone like to guess what the eleventh code might be?
Find a way out of here
Did you say something Karl?
Yea. 
I have to go to the bathroom
Do I need a pass?
No, but tonight's homework will be on the codes
Homework? 
Forget it
Karl? 
Shouldn't you be at school?
No. 
I quit
Oh dear
Perhaps there's something else you'd like to do
Nothing
Come on there must be something you'd like to do
Careful with those that's library property
That's not how you read scrolls
No ZIPEAU, it's a game
A game? 
Oh can I play
Sure
OK, we're ready
Now what do I do
You're at that end
Right...
Now grab your bat
Grab your bat...
Hold it like this
Like this
That's it .
Mm hmm
OK so you're clear about what happens when I hit the ball over the net?
I hit back
You've got no questions about the rules?
Nope
OK
1 - noth'n
Awh, yes, yes
2 - noth'n
Try again ZIPEAU
Awh, just get the hang of it
Don't worry ZIPEAU you'll get there
I'm upset that Karl left my class
Did I do something wrong?
It's not you. 
Karl quits just about everything
He doesn't know what he wants
I think I know, sometimes..
but sometimes I'm not so sure
You seem pretty sure what you're doing
My mother's a Matriarch
It's my destiny
Is that what you want?
How can you want anything other than your destiny?
You do ask the strangest things!
Well, suppose you don't know your destiny?
It knows you
You find each other, that's all
Marion, if I...
Would you like to see the prime sunstone?
Uh. 
Well sure!
Yeah I'd love to.
Let's go
Come on
Great
There ya go - yup
Very good
Thanks
That's it?
That's it!
How many points did I score?
None, 21 - zero. 
I win
Well I don't understand it... usually I have excellent hand to eye coordination
Well there ya go
Uh - when can we play again
I'm sure I'll be able to beat you at this game
I can honestly say humans will always beat dinosaurs at ping pong
Awh, lets play again
I creamed you!
But I don't mind this is fun
I haven't had this much fun in a long time
You know what ZIPEAU, me neither Think fast!
Ah - got ya!
We'll have to race we only have about ten minutes
There are 361... come on David I'll race ya
Slow down I'm dyin here
This is nothing
Maybe for you it isn't
You alright?
I'm a little asthmatic
I don't suppose they sell inhalers in Waterfall City?
This is fantastic, I had no idea
You don't have cities like this where you come from?
No...
I think we're allot farther up than I thought...
This is what powers the whole of Dinotopia
It's the most powerful sunstone ever found
It's almost flawless
What are they doing?
Every evening the prime sunstone regenerates all the other sunstones across Dinotopia
Come on it's almost time we can watch it from here
So where do sunstones come from?
All we know is that their very old
Legends say they say they're mined from the World Beneath at the beginning of time
The have been found all over Dinotopia but not in many years
Good evening
What are you reading?
One of our course books. 
Why?
What's it called?
The care and teaching of humans
And you don't find that sick?
No. 
It's a very interesting book
Another week and then I'm leaving
Yeah? 
And what's the plan?
I don't need a plan to know that I have to get out of here
You've got a week to decide whether you come with me or not
I mean what are you doing here?
Well Karl I'm trying to study for graduation
Graduation?
What are you talking about, Graduation?
!
We don't belong here we're not Dinotopians!
You're getting brainwashed can't you see that?
Look, I don't have time to argue with you, OK?
Are you insane?
There's a dinosaur sleeping in the next room
Yes, Exactly!
Karl, this is the chance of a lifetime
We are the first in our generation to see anything like this
They're screwing with your head, David and you just don't get it, do ya?
Why are you so negative about everything?
You know this is always what happens with you
You're stuck and for the first time in your life no one's going to bail you out
Why don't you stop being so selfish and at least get to know this place before you condemn it
I'm going, and you're coming with me
Look Karl,not that you ever bothered to ask but I kind of like it here
I can't believe I'm stuck here with you
Well it wasn't me who was flying the plane
What do you mean do you blame me for what happened do you?
Let go of me, let go of me
If you ever say that again I'll kill you David
I swear I will
Mammals...
Awh come in come in
I was just closing the shop for the night
You've got a long face on you
No, I'm fine
What is this?
Awh that's Ogthar if you believe the legend he ruled over a mythical place called the World Beneath
Some say it exists others say it's just stories for the children
And what do you think?
How can I help you my friend?
I want to get off this island
I see... well take a seat
I was just having a bite to eat
Everyone says it's impossible to leave
They certainly want you to believe it's impossible to leave
They don't want the rest of the world to know about their little paradise
I don't care about their little paradise how do I get off this island?
Well, I've spent the past 20 years collecting ancient logs charts, maps of the tides and reefs that surrounds this island
There's only one more thing I need to buy my own ticket out of here but we'll never see it
It's the captain's log of the Rebecca's Folly
Well were's this captain's log?
The archives in the Ancient Library
But the only one who has the keys is that scaley they've stuck you with
ZIPEAU? 
So, why don't you get it?
No, no, no, no, no, no
They never let me near that library on account of incident to do with one of my relatives
Small fire a long time ago
Nothing to do with me but just another example of scaley persecution
But now come to think of it it wouldn't be to difficult for you to get a hold of that book
You mean steal it?
I don't know it doesn't seem right... and the scaley's are
I mean they haven't done anything to me..
This is what they did to me...
I was exploring a sacred temple when one of those ugly boogers took a great big chunk out of me
That's what they do when they don't agree with you
What do you think about that?
You get one of these?
Uh huh
What's it say?
It's an invitation from Marion
Great. 
What for?
Hello?
Can't you read it?
You got a big mouth anybody ever tell you that?
Only you, Karl
Here you go
Thanks
You're welcome
It's quite fantastic isn't it?
You'll scarcely believe your eyes
The theme this year is the World Beneath
So the world beneath really exists?
According to legend it was the place where the sunstones were originally found the heart of Dinotopia
Where's Karl?
Sorry ZIPEAU
look
Oh, oh, look
I'm so excited the show is about to begin
Long ago a terrible darkness struck the earth
The seas churned and the skies turned black and the light of the sun was lost from the land
Our ancestors sought refuge in caves deep below the earth where they found food and shelter and magical stones which brought light
A young girl left the safety of the World Beneath and climbed up to the surface a sunstone illuminating her way
Higher and higher she climbed in the darkness not knowing that this was night
Centuries passed and a great civilization evolved but no one had ever seen the sun
Then the dawn came and she saw that the skies had cleared and that the sun shone once again
Our ancestors followed her from the World Beneath and they brought with them the magical stones and they built Dinotopia
The World Beneath was sealed and the great ruler Ogthar decreed that it should remain a sacred place undisturbed forever more
It's beautiful... wow... wow
Hi! 
I uh, really enjoyed the show
It was a ceremony, thank you
Yeah, well whatever
It was a Saurian Spectacular!
Karl, I want you to come back and finish the course
Is that why I got an invitation?
Look, I can't do school never have, never
Why should I start now?
Because you're not the person you want to be
Oh and you are? 
You know it all, do you?
If you can't bear school
I'll spend an hour a day teaching you personally
Really
Okay.. 
Deal
And in return you'll sit your footprint exam
Your graduation question is "How are we to live?"
You have an hour to answer in any way you wish
You may begin
ZIPEAU you look upset
What's wrong?
The most terrible thing has happened!
A book has been...
I can't bring myself to use the word... a book has been stolen!
Really, well maybe it just got lost somewhere
Every inch of the library has been searched!
I've been through Antiques and Antiquities a dozen times!
Who could do such a thing?
!
Look Zipp, books get stolen from libraries all the time
Not in Dinotopia! 
It's inconceivable!
To steal knowledge that should be for all!
It has to be here somewhere
Stop writing please
You said you'd help me get off this island
Yes, yes and I'm a man of my word
I'll just need to study this
Now this Captain's journal charts the course of the two ships
I told you about
With a little bit of patience we'll find the wreck the one that didn't make it through
Yeah, but I thought we were trying to find a way out
Of course we are
But first I just need to get something from the wreck
Wait a minute you said a way off the island that was the deal
If you want to come with me be here tomorrow at mid-night but come alone
I can't go without my brother
Your brother... follow me
Let me show you something, Karl
Horrible when it happens to kin lsn't it?
Seeing them sucked in
He's still my brother
I can't just leave him
Was your brother
You may not be able to trust him not anymore
Right! 
Ama-la, Ama-la, Ama-la
So you looking forward to graduation tomorrow?
Yeah. 
Sure
I can't wait to here what they thought of your five minute answer
The question we asked was perhaps the most important question any Dinotopian can be asked
"How are we to live?"
David, yours was possibly the longest answer we have ever had
At seventeen pages your argument was an exhausted one and you are clearly not frightened to say what you believe many times within the same document
But the finest answer we have perhaps ever had was written by Karl
Marion will now read Karl's answer out loud for the entire assembly
"ls this the real life?
Or is it fantasy?
Caught in a landslide no escape from reality
Open your eyes, look up to the skies...
and see!"
Brilliant...
That's cheating
That's the lyrics to "Bohemian Rhapsody!"
Karl's answer was very inspiring Marion!
Yes, it was quite special ZIPEAU
Maybe it was the way he combined fantasy and reality the land...
Have you ever done anything in your life when you haven't cheated?
Always been a sore loser, David?
Hey! 
I worked hard to get through that exam...
You're take'n this Dinotopian stuff way too seriously
What is it you've got against this place?
I wouldn't know where to start
I think you're still trying to somehow blame
Dad's dying on Dinotopia is that it?
Hey leave Dad out of it
I'll be glad to
Let's face it he left us pretty much out of his life
Don't talk about him like that
At least you two had something in common
He didn't have the time of day for me
I wonder why that was?
He dumped my mother and did the same to your's but you still worship him
Don't talk like that
You know what?
With out Dad around
I feel free
Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?
I'm almost glad he's gone
My dear those two were just never suitable to Dinotopian education
But Father
I really feel it's my duty to look for them
Marion, they're gone
Now we searched but no one has found any sign
Don't forget you must journey to Vidabba tomorrow
You're due to start your habitat training
Father, I really do feel that I shouldn't...
Marion?
I feel like I failed them both
I should have never have let Karl go back to school...
They were in my charge, Marion
It is I who have failed them...
I must go and find them
What! 
Out there?
I have no choice
My father is going to be furious
That could be grossly understating his reaction...
I must go home and get my bag
Why?
You don't think I'm letting you go alone do you?
Welcome to Waterfall City's central post office
Messenger bird 371 at your service
Now I must remind you that our duties are in effect today
Sorry 371
Stay with me, we're almost there
Come on David, talk to me
KARL! 
It's ZIPEAU and Marion
Keep up ZIPEAU
Awh, where could they be
I've never been so far away from Waterfall City in my life
Bravo, Marion!
You brought a postal bird!
Where on earth
I must remind you there's a surcharge for delivering messages outside Waterfall City
How can I help?
Message reads: 
Are you Karl or David?
Destination of message?
Follow the river as far as you can until sunset
Follow the river?
No responsibility can be taken for delivery of messages without precise destination
I understand
I want you to fly as fast as you can and ask anyone you meet. 
Go!
So, What do we do now?
Wait.
Where are we?
Wait here for a minute.
I'll check it out okay?
Hello
Where to look, up the river, could be anywhere.
What kind of destination they call that?
It all looks the same from up here anyway.
Remember when we drank this 1918 port? 
This last bottle.
- 1300 dollars worth of port in one afternoon.
- Yes.
We didn't like the taste, so mixed it with Coke. 
It actually made it better, remember?
- That's a great Christmas, wasn't it?
- Santa did not come that year.
- What was that? 
Say it again.
- Santa did not come that year.
Oh, he did!
It was just that he was awfully pissed.
Davey? 
Davey? 
Come on, Davey.
Stay with me.
Can you hear me?
Don't fade on me okay?
I can't do this on my own.
- Are you Karl or David?
- Karl, that's me.
End of message.
Postage has been prepaid, Thank you.
- Come on, hurry ... headed this way.
- Karl! 
David! 
Are you there?
- Come on!
- Karl? 
David?
Someone is here.
- Karl?
- Over here!
Thank goodness.
We are coming, stay where you are!
Thank goodness.
What's happened?
It was really cold.
He is very far away.
- What's she doing?
- Well, she is ... 
listening.
Come back, David. 
David?
- Do you have another message?
- Yes, now you must fly to Vidabba and tell them to send a rescue party as soon as possible
Don't stop for anyone or anything. 
Now go. 
Go!
They are usually quite reliable.
What a find! 
What a marvelous find!
This temple has been lost for centuries.
Look, here. 
Ogthar, the Great King of the World Beneath.
Legend says he was half man half dinosaur. 
Quite remarkable!
I do believe you have confirmed my research.
This must lead to one of the entrances to the World Beneath, but ...
What ZIPEAU?
The legend has it that all the entrances are guarded by carnivores.
Oh dear! 
if this is an entrance, the carnivores will think, we are violating their sacred space.
Well don't worry. 
I have not seen any carnivores lately.
Oh my God!
We have to get out of here fast. 
Come on.
- but David can't walk.
- David, we have to leave now.
- I'll get ZIPEAU. 
- I'll wait for you.
- No, Karl, take David and go!
ZIPEAU! 
Get out of there now!
You really must see this.
These carvings are quite unique.
ZIPEAU, we must go! 
Come on!
What's wrong? 
Marion?
Marion! 
ZIPEAU!
ZIPEAU!
- Come on, you can make it!
- Oh no 
- Come on, Marion! 
Marion!
Come on, you can make it.
Now go!
Marion, go!
Jump, Marion, jump!
ZIPEAU! 
I'm coming, ZIPEAU!
Help, Karl!
He was eating me!
I hope you choke on it!
Hold it. 
Now.

[Episode 903] The One With The Pediatrician
Hi!
-Hey!
-Hey!
So what's the big news you had us rush all the way over here for?
Okay, our news.
My company has asked me to head up our office in Tulsa, So~
As of Monday I'm being officially relocated.
Oh my God!
-What?
!
-Monday?
How long do you have to go for?
Well, They said it could be up to a year.
-A year?
!
-Oh my God!
Do you have to go?
I kind of have to don't I?
Because of this stupid thing.
There is nothing like the support of your loving wife, huh?
Wait a minute, you can't go to Tulsa.
Maybe you forgot, but we've got tickets to the Jets game next week.
I'm sorry buddy, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it.
We were gonna go see the Jets!
You can't go,
I mean you're the glue that holds this group together!
Really?
Not you.
I can't believe you guys are moving.
I call their apartment!
Everyone: 
No! 
Ah! 
Ahh!
F*R*I*E*N*D*S
(Celui Avec Le Pediatre)
Sinked by: 
Baskin
[Central Perk]
Here you are~
Oh, Thank you Joey.
You know what?
I'm not even sure I can have caffeine.
I went thru this with Ben and Carol.
One cup of coffee won't affect your milk.
Yeah. 
Just to be sure I'm gonna call Dr. Wiener.
(Laughs)
Every time?
Uhuh.
Rach, you don't have to call whenever you have a little question,
Okay? 
Trust me, I know this.
All right, I trust you.
Rachel, I can see you dialing!
I don't understand why....
Sh~ I'm on the phone!
Dr. Wiener?
(Laughs)
It's so weird seeing Ross and Rachel with a baby.
It's just so grown up.
I know, I know.
I feel like we're all growing up.
Person named Wiener, God that kills me.
Look at you all grown up.
Actually, you know what?
I am. you know.
That whole thing with Rachel made me realize that,
Maybe I'm ready for a more serious relationship..
You know? 
Like I'd like to meet a Nice.
Mature. 
Commitment-minded lady.
And looks aren't as important as...
Nah, she's gotta be hot.
You know, I might know somebody.
Hey,how about you set me up with someone, and we double date!
I can do that, yeah.
How is Friday?
Done. 
Oh good, really?
Yeah!
OK, Let's see! 
HiHi~
Ooh, you know who's great?
Sandy Poophack.
Poophack...
Yeah... 
All right, well that rules out Lana Titweiller
(Laughs)
[Chandler and Monica's apartment]
Hi!
Hey!
I've got good news!
You got out of the whole Tulsa thing?
Okay, I have news.
You don't have to move to Tulsa.
You can stay here and keep your job.
It's great! 
How?
Well my boss and I worked out a deal,
Where I only have to be in Tulsa four days a week, so the other three.
I can be here with you.
So you're gonna be gone four days a week?
No.
I'm sorry, are you just used to saying that?
No. 
I can't be away from you for that long.
Really?
Yeah, you're my husband.
I'm not gonna live in a different state than you for 208 days out of the year.
That's fast math!
We could use you in Tulsa.
Honey, Thanks for trying to figure out a way,
But if you're going to Tulsa, I wanna go with you.
Hey, you said that without gagging!
I know!
[Ross and Rachel's apartment]
Excuse me?
Oh yeah?
Well, up yours too!
Who the hell was that?
!
Dr. Wiener.
Rach, you can't call people at three in the morning.
Oh you know what, you sound just like his wife!
Was there anything you did wrong with Emma?
Yes, of course there is!
Okay? 
I'm not insane!
Well, what was it?
Hiccups.
Rach, I told you, you can't call him every time any little thing comes up.
Yeah well, not anymore I can't.
He fired us!
What are we gonna do?
We have to find a pediatrician.
Wait wait, Monica said that when you guys were growing up,
You really liked your doctor.
What was his name?
.
Dr. Gettleman? 
Yeah I know, I don't think that's a good idea.
In fact, I think he's dead.
Argh!
Why does everything happen to me?
!
Rach, I promise first thing tomorrow we'll find another doctor,
But I gotta get up early and I'm not feeling all that well.
What? 
What, do you mean you're not feeling well?
What do you have? 
Is it Rubella?
Because don't go near Emma, she has not had that shot.
You know? 
Come to think of it, it does feel Rubella-like!
Wiener, Wiener
Rachel!
Great! 
Now he's gonna know it was me!
[Joey's apartment]
Hey!
Hey!
So how is this for our big double date tonight?
Oh my God!
Ooh, great!
Just the reaction I was hoping for.
Yeah, so you found someone for me.
You didn't forget?
Of course not!
And you're gonna love Mary Ellen.
She's really smart and cute and funny, and I can't tell you how I know this, but she' not opposed to threesomes.
-All right.
-Yeah
So tell me some about my guy.
No.
Come on, give me something.
What's his name?
Mike.
Mike? 
Okay!
What's his last name?
Damnit! 
Is there no mystery left in romance anymore!
?
All right, we'll se you and Mike at the restaurant in a couple hours.
Say ya, bye-bye.
Why did I have to say Mike?
I don't know a Mike!
Why couldn't I have said....
There's no guy in there!
[Chandler and Monica's apartment]
It's impossible to find a good doctor.
I mean how do you know the good ones
From the ones who are gonna push their penis against your knee?
Excuse me?
I know what she's talking about.
We've got to find a new pediatrician.
Ross was getting sick last night, and I think Emma may have caught it.
Why don't you go see Dr. Gettleman?
Ross said he died.
He didn't die.
I saw his daughter last week.
Said he was fine.
Her on the other hand, botched Botox.
Oh, great! 
Well, then I'm gonna take Emma to see him.
I wonder why Ross said that he died.
Oh, maybe he was getting him confused with his childhood therapist.
-He saw a therapist?
-Uhh~
Yeah, He used to have this recurring nightmare,
Just really freaked him out.
Why? 
What was it?
That I was going to eat him.
[Central Perk]
MIKE!
Yeah?
Okay!
[Restaurant]
I gotta tell you, I can't believe I'm doing this with you.
Although I did just get out of a nine-year relationship,
So I guess I should be open and taking some risks...
Everything is gonna be fine.
Just follow my lead, okay?
All you have to do is pretend to be Mike..
I am Mike.
Atta boy!
-Hi
-Hi, Phoebe 
-This is Mike.
Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins.
So, Mike,
How do you and Joey know each other anyway?
..
How do I and Joey know each other? 
Wow,
If I had a nickel for every time somebody has asked me that.
From school.
Yeah, we met in college.
I mean, high school..
Wow, you guys go way back then.
So what are you up to these days?
Well, I'm a lawyer.
Mike, 'attorney at law'!
Actually, I just gave up my practice.
What? 
That's the kinda thing you usually run by me.
I always wanted to play piano professionally,and I figured if I don't do this now, I never will.
Wow, that's great! 
I liked that better than the law thing, so...
Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.
I thought you thought he was still a lawyer.
No, no, that's not what I meant.
Let's get you a cocktail.
[Chandler and Monica's apartment]
Hey!
Hey!
What are you doing?
Looking for restaurant jobs for you in Tulsa.
That's so sweet.
Find anything?
Slim Pickings.
Nothing, huh?
No, 'Slim Pickings', it's a barbecue restaurant.
They're looking for a cook.
Actually 'cook' may be a bit of a stretch.
They're looking for someone to shovel mesquite..
'Slim Pickings'...
That is so cheesy.
'So Cheesy' also has an opening.
Honey, that's okay.
I actually know this woman, Nancy, who's a restaurant biz head-hunter.
Maybe she'll know of something.
Can I just say how much I appreciate you coming with me.
When we get to Tulsa I'm taking you for a great dinner at 'Slim Pickings'.
'So Cheesy'?
'Whole Hog'?
It's going to be tough to keep Kosher in Tulsa.
Hi, Nancy.
Hi, it's Monica Geller.
I'm good. 
Listen, I'm looking for a job in Tulsa.
Well yeah, My husband has been relocated.
Because I love him!
No, I don't want a job in New York.
Javo is looking?
Oh my God!
He asked for me personally?
Oh my God!
Oh, wow, this is really really flattering, but I'm moving to Tulsa.
Yeah, so if you would tell Javo I'll take it!
..
Hi, my name is Rachel Green, I have an appointment for Emma.
Dr. Gettleman is finishing up with a patient, he should be out shortly.
Ok, thank you..
I think you just have a cold, it's definitely not Strep.
Thanks doctor.
Would you like a lollypop?
You even have to ask?
!
He is alive!
.
[Restaurant]
You know, it's so surprising that,
You and Joey have known each other for so long and I've never heard about you.
Yeah, that's because we had a bit of a falling out.
Mike, hit my mom with a car.
No, I didn't.
That's okay Mike, I have forgiven you.
And now we're friends again everything's great!
.
Wait, is your mom okay?
Please, we're trying to have a conversation.
Wow, you're a lot nicer on 'Days of Our Lives'.
'Days of Our Lives'!
That's why you look so familiar!
What?
!
What?
!
What?
!
Do you not know each other?
Of course we do!
Mike is playing a game that we used to play in high school.
Yeah, where we pretend we don't know each other.
We played all kinds of games.
Hey, remember the one where I punch you in the face for not being cool?
!
Mike, let me ask you something.
How many sisters does Joey have?
Six!
What are you doing?
I said seven!
Argh!
Joey, why did you set me up with a stranger?
Because I forgot about our date, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry too. 
And just to be clear, I didn't hit his mother with a car.
You are unbelievable!
I spent so much time finding the perfect girl for you, you know?
Mary Ellen is really smart and cute and loose.
Hey!
Who are you kidding?
You just find some guy off the street for me?
Oh God! 
This is humiliating!
.
Look Phoebe I'm so sorry!
Hey, look, if you don't like this guy I can find you a better one.
Mike!
Mike!
.
I'm out of here.
It was nice meeting you!
You're leaving too?
I'll stay if you can tell me my name.
Good night!
[Chandler and Monica's apartment]
Honey, we're leaving tomorrow you've still got a lot of packing to do.
You're right. 
Maybe I shouldn't go.
What?
So Nancy told me about this job at this great restaurant, Javo.
It's just a little outside of Tulsa.
How far outside?
Manhattan.
And you're thinking of taking it?
So before you said being me with me was more important than any job, but I guess now it's old job, me, new job.
I'm gonna miss this hand!
Okay I know it's a lot to ask, but oh my God, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What happened to 'you can't live without me four days a week'?
Well, if you really think about it, I mean four days is not that long.
I mean, I see you Monday before you go to work, and I see you Thursday when you get back,.
and I always work late on Tuesdays, so really if you think about it,
It's really just one day.
and then, if we can't make it one day, we've got real problems my friend.
I think you should take the job.
Really?
Yeah. 
I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey.
That's the nicest anyone has ever said to me!
Hey!
How was the pediatrician?
Oh, I really liked him.
Yeah, it was really, really, really good..
You promised you wouldn't say anything.
I know.
Ross still sees his pediatrician!
I don't care!
Are you serious?
You still see Dr. Gettleman?
He's a brilliant diagnostician!
Diagnostician or boo-boo fixer?
Ross, seriously! 
You've gotta go to an appropriate doctor.
Why? 
Why? 
I know it's a little weird, but hey, he's a great doctor, okay? 
He knows my medical history, and every time I go in there, he makes a big deal.
'Ah look, it's my favorite patient!
'...
Does he say that before he sticks his thermometer in your touchy?
Hey, I seem to remember someone bringing his security blanket to college!
That was not a security blanket!
That was a wall-hanging!
It didn't spend much time on the wall!
[Central Perk]
Excuse me,
Hi. 
I was hoping I would run into you.
Can we talk?
..
Sure.
I'm sorry, really, I'm so embarrassed.
Really, I'm a pretty nice guy.
Just ask my parole officer.
Apparently I'm not a funny guy...
Why did you go along with that?
Because I was told I'd get a free dinner,
Which I didn't.
And that I'd meet a pretty girl.
Which I did....
That's true.
Well, is anything you told me about yourself true?
My name in Mike, and I do play piano.
Prove it.
There isn't a piano here.
That wouldn't stand in the way of a true pianist.
Okay.
You are really good!
I'm, I play a little guitar myself..
-Really?
-Uhuh.
That's great.
What kind of music do you play?
Well, like acoustic folksy stuff.
You know? 
But right now I'm working on a couple 'Iron Maiden' covers..
Do you think that maybe, sometime, I could...
It's okay.
Go ahead, ask me out.
Okay. 
Do you think maybe sometime I could take you out?
Oh, you just caught me off guard!
Yeah, that would be nice..
Look at this.
My two best friends!
Excuse me,
I don't mean to be a jerk, but the baby with the rash came in after me.
The doctor will be right with you sir.
Mommy, I can't find Waldo.
With the circus?
He's behind the elephant.
Wow, so your child is a big fan of the Waldo books too?
Yeah, that's how I know.
I'm Ross by the way.
Hi, I'm Sally.
So, no ring. 
Can I assume you are also a single parent?
I am a single parent.
It's hard isn't it?
There's almost no time for a social life.
I mean, where are you gonna meet someone?
Well, let's say, I don't know, you met someone in the pediatrician's office.
Rossy, we're ready for you.
Hmm, yeah.
Come on Ross jr.
It's time to go in.
Mommy
Mommy, what's wrong with that man?
Hey, I helped you find Waldo!
[Chandler and Monica's apartment]
Oh good, you haven't left yet.
Where have you been?
I got held up at Dr. Gettleman's office.
There was some guy that freaked everybody out.
Well, you got here just in time.
I really have to go buddy.
Oh man.
Promise to call me when you land.
Of course I will call you.
I love you.
I love you too.
Okay, wow, wow, wow.
Watch the tongue people, we've got a baby over here..
Bye Chandler.
Bye honey.
What's the matter Joe?
I'm mad at you for leaving!
You're nothing but a big leaver.
Big leaver with a stupid suitcase.
Any chance you are trying to pick a fight to make all this easier?
Dude, you see right thru me!
Well, bye Mon, bye Ross, Rachel
Bye Emma!
.
Okay, bye-bye!
Good trip!
Chandler, wait.
It goes: 
Old job, new job, you.
This is just something I have to do.
I know.
I love you so much.
I know that too.
Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it.
Yes it will be the same.
Because I know, that's how.
I promise....
Double promise?
Call me when you land..
Can I talk now?
Okay, bye.
Joey?
He had to board.

So, what's the big news you had us rush all the way over here for?
It took you 45 minutes to cross a street.
Come on, guys. 
It's just one baby.
Oh, sure, now you guys clam up.
Our news. 
My company has asked me to head up our office in tulsa.
So as of Monday, I'm being officially relocated.
-Oh, my God!
-What? 
Monday?
-How long do you have to go for?
-They said it could be up to a year.
-A year?
-well, do you have to go?
well, I kind of have to, don't I?
Because of this stupid thing.
There's nothing like the support of your loving wife, huh?
Wait a minute.
Wait, you can't go to tulsa.
Maybe you forgot, but we have tickets to the Jets game next week!
I'm sorry, but I don't think I'II be able to make it.
But we were gonna go see the Jets!
You can't go. 
I mean, you're the glue that holds this group together.
-really?
-Not you.
This whole thing is gonna be okay.
They said they'd rent us a house in the suburbs. 
You guys can come and visit.
Oh, God, that is so not gonna happen.
I can't believe you guys are moving.
-I call their apartment!
-No!
-Here you go, Rach.
-Thank you, Joey.
You know what?
I'm not even sure I can have caffeine.
I went through this with Ben and carol.
One coffee won't affect your milk.
Just to be sure, I'm gonna call Dr. Wiener.
Every time?
You don't have to call him whenever you have a question, okay?
-Trust me. 
I know this.
-AII right. 
I trust you.
I can see you dialing.
I don't understand why--
I'm on the phone! 
Dr. Wiener?
It's so weird seeing Ross and rachel with a baby. 
It's just so grownup.
I know, yeah.
I feel like we're all growing up.
A person named "Wiener." God, that kills me.
-Look at you all grownup.
-well, actually, you know what?
I am, you know?
well, that whole thing with rachel made me realize that maybe I'm ready for a more serious relationship, you know?
Like, I'd Iike to meet a nice, mature, commitment-minded lady.
And looks aren't as important as....
Nah, she's gotta be hot.
You know, I might know somebody.
How about you set me up with someone, and we doubIe-date?
I can do that. 
Yeah.
How's Friday?
-Done!
-AII right.
Good, really?
Okay, Iet's see.
AII right.
You know who's great?
Sandy Poopack.
"Poopack"?
Yeah. 
AII right.
well, that rules out Lana TitwyIer.
-I've got good news.
-You got out of the whole tulsa thing?
Okay, I have news.
You don't have to move to tulsa.
You can stay here and keep your job.
That's great! 
How?
My boss and I worked out a deal where I'm in tulsa four days a week.
So the other three, I can be here with you.
So you're gonna be gone four days a week?
No.
I'm sorry, are you just used to saying that?
No. 
I can't be away from you for that long.
-really?
-Yeah, you're my husband.
I won't live in a different state than you for 208 days out of the year.
That's fast math.
We could use you in tulsa.
Thanks for trying to figure out a way, but if you go to tulsa, I go with you.
You said that without gagging.
I know!
well, excuse me?
Oh, yeah?
well, up yours too!
-Who the hell was that?
-Dr. 
Wiener.
Rach, you can't call people at 3:00 in the morning.
You know what?
You sound just like his wife.
Was there anything even wrong with Emma?
Yes, of course there is!
Okay? 
I'm not insane.
What was it?
Hiccups.
I told you, you can't call him every time any little thing comes up.
well, not anymore I can't.
He fired us!
Can you believe that?
I couId believe it if he came here and hit you over the head with a copy of Highlights.
What are we gonna do?
We have to find a pediatrician.
Wait, Monica said that when you guys were growing up you liked your doctor.
What was his name?
Dr. GettIeman?
Yeah, no, I don't think that's a good idea.
In fact, I think he's dead.
Why does everything happen to me?
I promise, first thing tomorrow, we'II find another doctor.
But I gotta get up early, and I'm not feeling well.
You're not feeling well?
What do you have? 
rubella?
Because don't go near Emma, she has not had that shot.
You know, come to think of it, it does feel rubeIIa-Iike.
Wiener!
Wiener! 
Wiener! 
Wiener!
rachel!
Great! 
Now he's gonna know it was me!
And the kung pao chicken.
utensils and plates for one.
And can you read the order back to me?
Great.
Yeah. 
Okay, thanks. 
Bye.
So how is this for our big double date tonight?
Oh, my God.
Great. 
Just the reaction I was hoping for.
Yeah, so you found someone for me?
You didn't forget?
Of course not.
And you'II love Mary ellen.
She's really smart and cute and funny and....
I can't tell you how I know this, but she is not opposed to threesomes.
AII right.
-So tell me something about my guy.
-No.
Come on, give me something.
What's his name?
I'm not sure I understand the question.
What do they call him?
-Mike.
-Mike. 
Okay, what's his last name?
Damn it! 
Is there no mystery left in romance anymore?
!
We'II see you and Mike at the restaurant in a couple hours.
AII right, great.
See you. 
Bye-bye.
Why'd I have to say Mike? 
I don't know a Mike! 
Why couldn't I have said...?
There's no guys in there!
So this is being a parent, huh?
I think I can handle this.
Too intense. 
Too intense.
well, I did it.
I told my crew at the restaurant I'm heading off to tulsa.
-Oh, yeah? 
How'd they take it.
-Pretty well. 
Yeah.
They were brave little soldiers.
Did their best to be stoic.
Some of them even high-fived each other to mask their pain.
It's impossible to find a good doctor.
How do you know the good ones from the ones who'II push their penis against your knee?
Excuse me?
I know what she's talking about.
You probably also had the piano teacher with the wandering hands.
well, we've gotta find a new pediatrician.
Ross was getting sick last night, and Emma may have caught it.
-Why don't you see Dr. GettIeman?
-Ross said he died.
He didn't die.
I just saw his daughter last week.
She said he was fine.
Her, on the other hand, botched Botox.
Great. 
well then, I'm gonna take Emma to see him.
I wonder why Ross said that he died?
Maybe he confused him with his childhood therapist.
He saw a therapist?
He used to have a recurring nightmare.
It freaked him out.
Wow, what was it?
That I was going to eat him.
Mike!
Yeah?
Okay.
I can't believe I'm doing this with you.
although I did just end a nine-year relationship so I should be open to taking some risks.
That's good.
Get all that boring stuff out now.
Everything is gonna be fine.
follow my lead, okay?
AII you have to do is pretend to be Mike.
-I am Mike.
-Attaboy.
Here they come.
-I'm Phoebe.
-Phoebe. 
Mike. 
How you doing?
-Nice to meet you.
-Joey, this is Mary ellen Jenkins.
So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other, anyway?
How do Joey and I know each other?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody's asked me that.
-From school.
-We met in college.
I mean high school.
You guys go way back, then.
So, what are you up to these days?
-well, I'm a lawyer.
-Mike, attorney at law!
-actually, I just gave up my practice.
-What?
That's the kind of thing you usually run by me.
I want to play piano professionally.
If I don't do this now, I never will.
Great. 
I Iike that better than the lawyer thing.
Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.
You thought he was still a lawyer.
No, that's not what I meant.
Let's get you a cocktail.
What are you doing?
Looking for restaurant jobs for you in tulsa.
That's so sweet.
Did you find anything?
-slim Pickins.
-Nothing, huh?
No. 
slim Pickins.
It's a barbecue joint.
They're looking for a cook. 
actually, "cook" may be a bit of a stretch.
They're looking for somebody to shovel mesquite.
"slim Pickins"? 
That is so cheesy.
well, So Cheesy also has an opening.
Honey, that's okay.
I know this woman, Nancy who's a restaurant biz headhunter.
She may know something.
Can I say how much I appreciate you coming with me?
When we get to tulsa, I am taking you for a great dinner at slim Pickins.
So Cheesy?
whole Hog?
It's gonna be tough to keep kosher in tulsa.
Hi, Nancy?
Hi, it's Monica geiler.
I'm good. 
Listen, I'm looking for a job in tulsa.
Yeah, well, my husband's been relocated.
Because I Iove him.
No, I don't want a job in New York.
Javu's looking? 
Oh, my God!
He asked for me personally?
Oh, my God!
Wow, this is really, really flattering.
But I'm moving to tulsa.
So, just, if you would tell Javu I'II take it!
My name's rachel Greene.
I have an appointment for Emma.
Dr. GettIeman is finishing up with a patient. 
He'II be out shortly.
I think you just have a cold.
It's definitely not strep.
Thanks, doctor.
-would you Iike a lollipop?
-Do you even have to ask?
He is alive!
It's so surprising that you and Joey have known each other for so long and I've never heard about you.
That's because we had a bit of a faIIing out.
Mike hit my mom with a car.
-No, I didn't.
-That's okay. 
I have forgiven you.
Now we're friends again, and everything's great.
well, wait. 
Is your mom okay?
please, we're trying to have a conversation.
You're a Iot nicer on Days of Our Lives.
Days of Our Lives!
That's why you look so familiar!
-What?
-What?
What?
Do you not know each other?
Of course we do. 
He's playing a game we used to play in high school.
We pretend we don't know each other.
We played all kinds of games.
You remember that one where I punch you in the face for not being cool?
Let me ask you something:
How many sisters does Joey have?
-Six.
-No, he doesn't. 
He has seven.
What are you doing? 
I said seven!
Joey, why did you set me up with a stranger?
Because I forgot about our date.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry too. 
And just to be clear, I didn't hit his mother with a car.
although I'd Iike to be hit by one right now.
Yeah, no problem.
You are unbelievable. 
I spent so much time finding the perfect girl for you.
Mary ellen is really smart and cute and loose.
Who are you kidding?
You find some guy off the street for me?
God, this is humiliating!
I'm so sorry. 
If you don't like this guy, I can find you a better one.
Mike? 
Mike?
I'm out of here.
It was nice meeting you.
-You're leaving too?
-I'II stay if you can tell me my name.
Have a good night.
We leave tomorrow, and you still have a Iot to pack.
You're right.
Maybe I shouldn't go.
What?
So Nancy told me about this job at this great restaurant, Javu?
But it's just a little outside of tulsa.
well, how far outside?
Manhattan?
And you're thinking of taking it?
Before, you said that being with me was more important than any job.
But I guess now it's old job, me, new job.
I'm gonna miss this hand!
I know this is a Iot to ask but, my God, this is a once-in-a-Iifetime opportunity.
What happened to "you can't live without me four days a week"?
well, if you really think about it, I mean, four days is not that long.
I see you Monday before you go to work and Thursday when you get back and I always work late on Tuesdays, so really if you think about it it's really just one day.
And well, if we can't make it one day, we got real problems, my friend.
-I think you should take the job.
-really?
I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey.
That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me.
It's your dream job.
I can't make you pass it up.
Besides, I'm proud of you.
-You are?
-Yeah.
And when I get to tulsa and people say, "Where's the missus"  I'II tell them she's a chef at Javu.
And then, when they stare at me blankly I'II make some offensive tulsa joke, and thus, begin my isolation.
-How was the pediatrician?
-I really liked him.
Yeah, yeah.
It was really, really, really good.
-You promised not to say anything.
-I know.
Ross still sees his pediatrician!
I don't care.
Are you serious?
You still see Dr. GettIeman?
He is a brilliant diagnostician!
Diagnostician or boo-boo fixer?
seriously, you gotta go to an appropriate doctor.
And not an orthodontist not a gynecologist and not a veterinarian....
Why? 
I know it's a little weird, but he is a great doctor, okay?
He knows my medical history.
And every time I go in there, he makes a big deal.
You know, "Look, it's my favorite patient."
Does he say that before he sticks his thermometer in your tushy?
I seem to remember someone bringing his security blanket to college.
That was not a security blanket.
That was a wall hanging.
It didn't spend much time on the wall!
Excuse me.
Hi. 
I was hoping to run into you.
Can we talk?
Sure.
Yeah. 
There's someone I want you to meet.
This is my best friend from high school.
I'm sorry, I don't think I know you.
How hard was that?
Look, I'm sorry, really.
I'm so embarrassed.
please.
really, I'm a pretty nice guy.
Just ask my parole officer.
apparently, I'm not a funny guy.
well, why did you go along with that?
Because I was told that I'd get a free dinner, which I didn't.
And that I'd meet a pretty girl, which I did.
That's true.
well, is anything you told me about yourself true?
My name is Mike.
And I do play piano.
-Prove it.
-There isn't a piano here.
That wouldn't stand in the way of a true pianist.
Okay.
You are really good.
-I play a little guitar myself.
-really? 
That's great.
-What kind of music do you play?
-Like acoustic, folksy stuff, you know?
But right now I'm working on a couple Iron Maiden covers.
Do you think that, maybe, sometime, I couId....
It's okay. 
Go ahead, ask me out.
Okay. 
You think, maybe, sometime I couId take you out?
You just caught me off guard.
Yeah, that would be nice.
Look at this! 
My two best friends!
Excuse me.
I don't mean to be a jerk but the baby with the rash came in after me.
-The doctor will be right with you, sir.
-I hear you but do you have any harder puzzles?
Mommy, I can't find waldo.
What page are you on?
What, the circus?
He's behind the elephant.
Wow. 
So your child's a big fan of the WaIdo books too?
Yeah, that's how I know.
-I'm Ross, by the way.
-Hi, I'm sally.
So no ring. 
Can I assume you're also a single parent?
-I am a single parent.
-It's hard, isn't it?
There's no time for a social life.
Where are you gonna meet someone?
-well....
-Mommy, I can't--
Sea shore? 
Row boat.
Let's say, I don't know, you met someone in the pediatrician's office.
Rossie? 
We're ready for you.
Yeah....
Come on, Ross Jr.
It's time to go in.
Mommy.
Mommy, what's wrong with that man?
Hey, I helped you find waldo!
-Good, you haven't left yet.
-Where have you been?
I got held up at Dr. GettIeman's office.
There was some guy that freaked everybody out.
I don't think I'm going back there.
You got here just in time.
I really have to go, buddy.
Oh, man.
-Promise to call me when you land?
-Of course I will. 
I Iove you.
I Iove you too.
Watch the tongue, people.
We got a baby over here.
-Bye, chandler.
-Bye.
-Bye, honey.
-Bye.
-What's the matter, Joe?
-I'm mad at you for leaving.
You know, you're nothing but a big Ieaver.
A big Ieaver with a stupid suitcase.
Any chance you're trying to pick a fight to make all of this easier?
Dude, you see right through me!
Okay, well.... 
Bye, Mon.
Bye, Ross. 
rachel.
-Bye, Emma.
-Okay, bye-bye.
Have a good trip. 
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Wait.
It goes old job new job and you.
This is just something I have to do.
I know.
I Iove you so much.
I know that too.
Don't worry.
I'II be back before you know it.
Yes, it will be the same.
Because I know, that's how.
I promise.
You double promise?
call me when you land.
-Can I talk now?
-Okay, bye.
-Joey!
-He had to board.
ENGLISH

I deliver perfection...
and don't brag about it! 
:
D
So, what's the big news you had us rush all the way over here for?
Our news. 
My company has asked me to head up our office in Tulsa.
So as of Monday, I'm being officially relocated.
- Oh, my God!
- What? 
Monday?
- How long do you have to go for?
- They said it could be up to a year.
- A year?
- Well, do you have to go?
Well, I kind of have to, don't I?
Because of this stupid thing.
There's nothing like the support of your loving wife, huh?
Wait a minute.
Wait, you can't go to Tulsa.
Maybe you forgot, but we have tickets to the Jets game next week!
I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to make it.
But we were gonna go see the Jets!
You can't go. 
I mean, you're the glue that holds this group together.
- Really?
- Not you.
I can't believe you guys are moving.
- I call their apartment!
- No!
The One With the Pediatrician
- Here you go, Rach.
- Thank you, Joey.
You know what?
I'm not even sure I can have caffeine.
I went through this with Ben and Carol.
One coffee won't affect your milk.
Just to be sure, I'm gonna call Dr. Wiener.
Every time?
You don't have to call him whenever you have a question, okay?
- Trust me. 
I know this.
- All right. 
I trust you.
I can see you dialing.
I don't understand why...
I'm on the phone! 
Dr. Wiener?
It's so weird seeing Ross and Rachel with a baby. 
It's just so grownup.
I know, yeah.
I feel like we're all growing up.
A person named "Wiener".
God, that kills me.
- Look at you all grownup.
- Well, actually, you know what?
I am, you know?
Well, that whole thing with Rachel made me realize that maybe I'm ready for a more serious relationship, you know?
Like, I'd like to meet a nice, mature, commitment-minded lady.
And looks aren't as important as...
Nah, she's gotta be hot.
You know, I might know somebody.
How about you set me up with someone, and we double-date?
I can do that. 
Yeah.
How's Friday?
- Done!
- All right.
Good, really?
Okay, let's see.
All right.
You know who's great?
Sandy Poopack.
"Poopack"?
Yeah. 
All right.
Well, that rules out Lana Titwyler.
- I've got good news.
- You got out of the whole Tulsa thing?
Okay, I have news.
You don't have to move to Tulsa.
You can stay here and keep your job.
That's great! 
How?
My boss and I worked out a deal where I'm in Tulsa four days a week.
So the other three, I can be here with you.
So you're gonna be gone four days a week?
No.
I'm sorry, are you just used to saying that?
No. 
I can't be away from you for that long.
- Really?
- Yeah, you're my husband.
I won't live in a different state than you for 208 days out of the year.
That's fast math.
We could use you in Tulsa.
Thanks for trying to figure out a way, but if you go to Tulsa, I go with you.
You said that without gagging.
I know!
Well, excuse me?
Oh, yeah?
Well, up yours too!
- Who the hell was that?
- Dr. Wiener.
Rach, you can't call people at 3:00 in the morning.
You know what?
You sound just like his wife.
Was there anything even wrong with Emma?
Yes, of course there is!
Okay? 
I'm not insane.
What was it?
Hiccups.
I told you, you can't call him every time any little thing comes up.
Well, not anymore I can't.
He fired us!
What are we gonna do?
We have to find a pediatrician.
Wait, Monica said that when you guys were growing up you liked your doctor.
What was his name?
Dr. Gettleman?
Yeah, no, I don't think that's a good idea.
In fact, I think he's dead.
Why does everything happen to me?
I promise, first thing tomorrow, we'll find another doctor.
But I gotta get up early, and I'm not feeling well.
You're not feeling well?
What do you have? 
Rubella?
Because don't go near Emma, she has not had that shot.
You know, come to think of it, it does feel rubella-like.
Wiener!
Wiener! 
Wiener! 
Wiener!
Rachel!
Great! 
Now he's gonna know it was me!
So how is this for our big double date tonight?
Oh, my God.
Great. 
Just the reaction I was hoping for.
Yeah, so you found someone for me?
You didn't forget?
Of course not.
And you'll love Mary Ellen.
She's really smart and cute and funny and...
I can't tell you how I know this, but she is not opposed to threesomes.
All right.
- So tell me something about my guy.
- No.
Come on, give me something.
What's his name?
- Mike.
- Mike. 
Okay, what's his last name?
Damn it! 
Is there no mystery left in romance anymore?
!
We'll see you and Mike at the restaurant in a couple hours.
All right, great.
See you. 
Bye-bye.
Why'd I have to say Mike? 
I don't know a Mike! 
Why couldn't I have said...?
There's no guys in there!
It's impossible to find a good doctor.
How do you know the good ones from the ones who'll push their penis against your knee?
Excuse me?
I know what she's talking about.
Well, we've gotta find a new pediatrician.
Ross was getting sick last night, and Emma may have caught it.
- Why don't you see Dr. Gettleman?
- Ross said he died.
He didn't die.
I just saw his daughter last week.
She said he was fine.
Her, on the other hand, botched Botox.
Great. 
Well then, I'm gonna take Emma to see him.
I wonder why Ross said that he died?
Maybe he confused him with his childhood therapist.
He saw a therapist?
He used to have a recurring nightmare.
It freaked him out.
Wow, what was it?
That I was going to eat him.
Mike!
Yeah?
Okay.
I can't believe I'm doing this with you.
Although I did just end a nine-year relationship so I should be open to taking some risks.
It'll be fine.
Follow my lead, okay?
All you have to do is pretend to be Mike.
- I am Mike.
- Attaboy.
Here they come.
- I'm Phoebe.
- Phoebe. 
Mike. 
How you doing?
- Nice to meet you.
- Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins.
So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other, anyway?
How do Joey and I know each other?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody's asked me that.
- From school.
- We met in college.
I mean high school.
You guys go way back, then.
So, what are you up to these days?
- Well, I'm a lawyer.
- Mike, attorney at law!
- Actually, I just gave up my practice.
- What?
That's the kind of thing you usually run by me.
I want to play piano professionally.
If I don't do this now, I never will.
Great. 
I like that better than the lawyer thing.
Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.
You thought he was still a lawyer.
No, that's not what I meant.
Let's get you a cocktail.
What are you doing?
Looking for restaurant jobs for you in Tulsa.
That's so sweet.
Did you find anything?
- Slim Pickins.
- Nothing, huh?
No. 
Slim Pickins.
It's a barbecue joint.
They're looking for a cook. 
Actually, "cook" may be a bit of a stretch.
They're looking for somebody to shovel mesquite.
"Slim Pickins"? 
That is so cheesy.
Well, So Cheesy also has an opening.
Honey, that's okay.
I know this woman, Nancy who's a restaurant biz headhunter.
She may know something.
Can I say how much I appreciate you coming with me?
When we get to Tulsa, I am taking you for a great dinner at Slim Pickins.
So Cheesy?
Whole Hog?
It's gonna be tough to keep kosher in Tulsa.
Hi, Nancy?
Hi, it's Monica Geller.
I'm good. 
Listen, I'm looking for a job in Tulsa.
Yeah, well, my husband's been relocated.
Because I love him.
No, I don't want a job in New York.
Javu's looking? 
Oh, my God!
He asked for me personally?
Oh, my God!
Wow, this is really, really flattering.
But I'm moving to Tulsa.
So, just, if you would tell Javu I'll take it!
My name's Rachel Greene.
I have an appointment for Emma.
Dr. Gettleman is finishing up with a patient. 
He'll be out shortly.
I think you just have a cold.
It's definitely not strep.
Thanks, doctor.
- Would you like a lollipop?
- Do you even have to ask?
He is alive!
It's so surprising that you and Joey have known each other for so long and I've never heard about you.
That's because we had a bit of a falling out.
Mike hit my mom with a car.
- No, I didn't.
- That's okay. 
I have forgiven you.
Now we're friends again, and everything's great.
Well, wait. 
Is your mom okay?
Please, we're trying to have a conversation.
You're a lot nicer on "Days of Our Lives".
"Days of Our Lives"!
That's why you look so familiar!
- What?
- What?
What?
Do you not know each other?
Of course we do. 
He's playing a game we used to play in high school.
We pretend we don't know each other.
We played all kinds of games.
You remember that one where I punch you in the face for not being cool?
Let me ask you something:
How many sisters does Joey have?
- Six.
- What are you doing? 
I said seven!
Joey, why did you set me up with a stranger?
Because I forgot about our date.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry too. 
And just to be clear, I didn't hit his mother with a car.
You are unbelievable. 
I spent so much time finding the perfect girl for you.
Mary Ellen is really smart and cute and loose.
Who are you kidding?
You find some guy off the street for me?
God, this is humiliating!
I'm so sorry. 
If you don't like this guy, I can find you a better one.
Mike? 
Mike?
I'm out of here.
It was nice meeting you.
- You're leaving too?
- I'll stay if you can tell me my name.
Have a good night.
We leave tomorrow, and you still have a lot to pack.
You're right.
Maybe I shouldn't go.
What?
So Nancy told me about this job at this great restaurant, Javu?
But it's just a little outside of Tulsa.
Well, how far outside?
Manhattan?
And you're thinking of taking it?
Before, you said that being with me was more important than any job.
But I guess now it's old job, me, new job.
I'm gonna miss this hand!
I know this is a lot to ask but, my God, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
What happened to "you can't live without me four days a week"?
Well, if you really think about it, I mean, four days is not that long.
I see you Monday before you go to work and Thursday when you get back and I always work late on Tuesdays, so really if you think about it it's really just one day.
And well, if we can't make it one day, we got real problems, my friend.
- I think you should take the job.
- Really?
I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey.
That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me.
- How was the pediatrician?
- I really liked him.
Yeah, yeah.
It was really, really, really good.
- You promised not to say anything.
- I know.
Ross still sees his pediatrician!
I don't care.
Are you serious?
You still see Dr. Gettleman?
He is a brilliant diagnostician!
Diagnostician or boo-boo fixer?
Seriously, you gotta go to an appropriate doctor.
Why? 
I know it's a little weird, but he is a great doctor, okay?
He knows my medical history.
And every time I go in there, he makes a big deal.
You know, "Look, it's my favorite patient."
Does he say that before he sticks his thermometer in your tushy?
I seem to remember someone bringing his security blanket to college.
That was not a security blanket.
That was a wall hanging.
It didn't spend much time on the wall!
Excuse me.
Hi. 
I was hoping to run into you.
Can we talk?
Sure.
I'm sorry, really.
I'm so embarrassed that our...
Really, I'm a pretty nice guy.
Just ask my parole officer.
Apparently, I'm not a funny guy.
Well, why did you go along with that?
Because I was told that I'd get a free dinner, which I didn't.
And that I'd meet a pretty girl, which I did.
That's true.
Well, is anything you told me about yourself true?
My name is Mike.
And I do play piano.
- Prove it.
- There isn't a piano here.
That wouldn't stand in the way of a true pianist.
Okay.
You are really good.
- I play a little guitar myself.
- Really? 
That's great.
- What kind of music do you play?
- Like acoustic, folksy stuff, you know?
But right now I'm working on a couple Iron Maiden covers.
Do you think that, maybe, sometime, I could...
It's okay. 
Go ahead, ask me out.
Okay. 
You think, maybe, sometime I could take you out?
You just caught me off guard.
Yeah, that would be nice.
Look at this! 
My two best friends!
Excuse me.
I don't mean to be a jerk but the baby with the rash came in after me.
The doctor will be right with you, sir.
Mommy, I can't find Waldo.
What, the circus?
He's behind the elephant.
Wow. 
So your child's a big fan of the Waldo books too?
Yeah, that's how I know.
- I'm Ross, by the way.
- Hi, I'm Sally.
So no ring. 
Can I assume you're also a single parent?
- I am a single parent.
- It's hard, isn't it?
There's no time for a social life.
Where are you gonna meet someone?
Let's say, I don't know, you met someone in the pediatrician's office.
Rossie? 
We're ready for you.
Yeah...
Come on, Ross Jr.
It's time to go in.
Mommy.
Mommy, what's wrong with that man?
Hey, I helped you find Waldo!
- Good, you haven't left yet.
- Where have you been?
I got held up at Dr. Gettleman's office.
There was some guy that freaked everybody out.
You got here just in time.
I really have to go, buddy.
Oh, man.
- Promise to call me when you land?
- Of course I will. 
I love you.
I love you too.
Watch the tongue, people.
We got a baby over here.
- Bye, Chandler.
- Bye.
- Bye, honey.
- Bye.
- What's the matter, Joe?
- I'm mad at you for leaving.
You know, you're nothing but a big leaver.
A big leaver with a stupid suitcase.
Any chance you're trying to pick a fight to make all of this easier?
Dude, you see right through me!
Okay, well... 
Bye, Mon.
Bye, Ross. 
Rachel.
- Bye, Emma.
- Okay, bye-bye.
Have a good trip. 
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Wait.
It goes old job new job and you.
This is just something I have to do.
I know.
I love you so much.
I know that too.
Don't worry.
I'll be back before you know it.
Yes, it will be the same.
Because I know, that's how.
I promise.
You double promise?
Call me when you land.
- Can I talk now?
- Okay, bye.
- Joey!
- He had to board.
Subtitles by SDI Media Group

^^^^ [ Woman Singing:
Operatic ]
^^^^ [ Continues ]
^^^^ [ Continues ]
[ Beeping ]
[ Speaking In Arabic ] [ Man #2 RepliesIn Arabic ]
[ Shudders ]
- [ Alarm Buzzing ] - [ Grunts ]
^^^^ [ Woman Singing:
Operatic ]
^^^^ [ Choir Vocalizing ]
- Sure it's the Russians?
- One hundred percent, sir.
Submarine launched... 12 to 15 megatons, and they went to strike status 15 minutes prior.
CINC-LANT reports the Roosevelt's splashed six incoming cruise missiles.
Russians are moving west through Poland.
If they head for Germany, we've got the Berlin Brigade, but they're outnumbered.
Sir, we've got another launch, this one from Alyesk, Central Russia.
I don't believe it.
What the hell's in Alyesk?
SS-18 I.C.B.M.'s.
Probable targets-- New York, Washington, here.
How good is this ceiling?
Anything but a direct hit.
Satellites confirm birds in the air-- multiple launches, first impact estimated 25 minutes.
- How do we know that's accurate?
- It's accurate.
Sir, I advise we go to DEFCON-1.
Get President Zorkin on the hot line.
Zorkin is missing, sir.
We have reports of a coup in Moscow.
General Bulgakov is calling the shots now.
Who the hell is Bulgakov?
The asshole that wanted to use nukes in Chechnya.
Sir, DEFCON-1, we're out of time.
Do it.
Mr. President.
Sir, it'll take about minute for the launch sequence to process after you give the order.
Before the order can be taken, an I.D. check must be performed.
[ Phone Ringing ] My I.D. number is fifth from the top.
[ Whispering ] Sir, it's your wife on 2104.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Under the two-man rule, the order must be confirmed by someone on the approved list.
Gene Revell, National Security Advisor, second from the top.
Is it black-tie?
Okay, I'm on my way.
Can we, uh, finish this up some other time, huh?
[ Chuckling ]
No?
[ Laughter ]
[ President ] We got to update these fire drills, Billy.
If the stuff hits the fan, I'm not goin' underground.
The place is a goddamn tomb down there.
Also have to choose someone to face-off against besides the Russians all the time.
Do we?
Let's see, who else has 27,000 nukes for us to worry about?
It's the guy with one I'm worried about.
Speaking of Russia, I have to send some folks over there, inspect their nuclear decommissioning facility.
Place called "Armazaz." Arzamas.
Yeah, whatever.
Just think someone from your staff should be on the trip.
I'll go.
[ Chuckles ] Billy, send staff.
I wanna go.
Okay.
And don't underestimate Zorkin, pal.
Between his economy, crime, Chechnya-- His liver.
Or what's left of it.
How is he, by the way?
Well, he's scheduled a press conferencece for this afternoon, so at least we know he can sit up.
[ Laughter ]
- [ Man ] Why not negotiate?
- [ Man #2 ] The interview is over.
[ Man #3, Speaking Russian ] [ Man #2, Translating ] Chechnya is part of Russia.
[ Speaking Russian ]
It is only criminals and their friends in the West wish it to be separate.
[ Man #1 ] But, Mr. President, if you will kindly come back, we do have... just a few more questions we would like to ask you.
- You guys see what I see?
- [ Man On TV ] Thank you very much.
His jacket.
Yeah, he used to be able to button it all the way up.
He's gettin' fat.
I know how he feels.
Oh, wow. 
Look at that.
Maybe it's not the same jacket.
No-
- Yeah. 
Yeah.
The one with shiny sleeves.
He wore it the last time he got out of the hospital.
He's definitely off the diet.
He's also off the wagon.
You hear how he slurred-- [ Speaks Russian ]
That must be why Chelinski's hanging around, to keep him off the sauce.
[ TV Chatter Continues ] Where's Chelinski?
Next to-
- What's her name?
The chick with the brown hair.
Elena Rishkov.
No, that is not Chelinski.
Bzzz. 
Busted.
It's Chelinski.
No.
You're thinkin' Cherpitski.
That ain't Cherpitski, either.
No, I'm not.
- I know. 
It's Chelinski.
- No, it's not.
Believe-
- Trust me.
Look! 
He is standing next to Elena Rishkov. 
He was bangin' her at the Geneva Summit.
Chelinski was not at Geneva.
Cherpitski was at Geneva.
So, what are you sayin'?
- Cherpitski was bangin' Elena Rishkov?
- [ Chuckles, Sighs ]
I'm just sayin' Zorkin's puttin' on weight, really.
I don't know why you have to reduce everything to sex. 
It's disgusting.
Oh, I agree. 
Write it up.
And if he is putting on weight, that might have health consequences, so be sure and get it in the afternoon brief.
- [ Phone Ringing ] 
- Oh, and somebody find out who is bangin' Elena Rishkov.
This is good.
So what shall we make of Chechnya asking the West for protection?
She is like a beautiful virgin.
Escaping the clutches of a lecherous bear, and running to Bill Clinton to save her maidenhood.
- [ Laughing ] 
- A poet once wrote:
"Meet the new boss, same as the old boss."
He could've been writing of us, of Europe in the 21st century.
Over 50 years of America and Russia... imposing their will on the European Community--
East and West.
And we're still treated like children.
But without the toys or the good-night chocolates.
Each day we lose a little bit more of our separate, sovereign ability to determine our own futures.
And, each day, the world comes closer to that terrible moment... when the beating of a butterfly's wings unleashes a hurricane...
God himself cannot stop.
[ Shovel Clanging On Metal ]
[ Speaking Arabic ]
[ Grunting ]
÷÷÷÷xxxpppúpúúú@@@@@ [ Man Speaking Russian ]
[ Speaking Russian Excitedly ]
[ Vibrating ]
[ Woman ] Was that yours or mine?
[ Vibrating Continues ]
Huh?
Oh, it must be yours.
Mine's just for show.
[ Vibrating Continues ]
[ Vibrating Stops, Beeper Beeps ]
Oh, it's not the hospital.
Cool.
Good. 
Hi.
[ Coos ] You're still here?
Well, I think to be accurate and everything, it's actually you are still here.
Mm?
Well-- Yeah.
Oh, right.
Not that I'm complaining.
Mm. 
Mm.
Uh, Jack?
Uh-huh.
I know this is new and all, but I have--
I have something I have to say, or I'm gonna explode-- It's just--
I-I don't want you to... be scared.
[ Sighs ] What?
You're in love with me.
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughing Continues ] [ Chuckles ]
Ah-- Jack, I'm a medical professional.
I can read the symptoms.
You're definitely in love with me.
[ Chuckles ]
And that scares you.
Not even a little.
But I think it scares you.
No.
Not even a little.
And, for the record, you're the one who brought it up.
[ Beeper Vibrating ] Uh-uh!
Mm-mwah.
Uh, forget it.
Forget it.
I'm gonna get it.
No, wait. 
It'll stop.
[ Giggling ] Oh--
[ Sighs ] I don't know who this is.
[ Moans ]
But--
Just go about your business.
The timing sucks.
Do what you have to do.
I totally understand.
Yes, this is Dr. Muller.
No!
Muller. 
You paged me?
Oh.
Hello.
[ Giggling ] [ Laughs ] Stop.
Yes, this is Jack Ryan.
Jesus.
Uh, okay.
I'll be there in half an hour.
I gotta go.
I-I have, uh, an emergency at work.
I have to run.
I'm sorry.
[ Grunts ]
Cathy, how about dinner tonight?
Yeah. 
Yeah.
How about tomorrow night?
[ Chuckles ] Jack,
I said yes to tonight.
I know.
[ Chuckles ] [ Shower Running ]
What kind of emergency does a historian have?
[ Woman ] He died at 0420 Zulu.
Eight and a half hours later, they swore in a new president.
Now, everybody wants to know who this new guy is.
Who is he?
Alexander Nemerov.
You're kidding me.
I wrote a paper about him a year ago.
I know.
Mary Pat, I said he could be next.
I said he could be the next guy.
I predicted this.
I know. 
I know.
And nobody read it.
Who?
They're reading it now.
Cabot.
I've been her for 14 months.
I don't think he knows what I look-- 
- Are you Ryan?
- Yes, sir.
What is this, The Paper Chase?
Well, sir, my-- [ Chuckles ]
Well, come on.
We're late.
You're about to breathe air that's way over your pay grade, so listen up.
You're gonna be asked for analysis and advice, so be goddamn sure you know what you're talking about before you give it.
Don't be afraid to say you don't know.
And choose your words carefully.
Words have a habit of being turned into policy.
Hey, you. 
You.
Give me your coat.
Come on, come on.
You'll get it back.
[ Snaps Fingers ] Tie.
Thank you.
[ Ryan ] So, uh, Intelligence Committee?
Mm-hmm.
I've watched these on C-SPAN.
Never actually been to one.
You've never watched one of these on C-SPAN.
[ Indistinct Chattering ]
[ Airlock Seals ]
But our most important assessment comes from... a highly placed source inside the Kremlin.
In his opinion, Nemerov does not owe his ascension to the military.
Everyone has opinions, Mr. Cabot.
I respect that.
This morning my wife... woke up and said I was old, bald and ugly.
Is that a question, Mr. Chairman?
I told her appearances aren't everything.
Would you agree, Mr. Cabot?
I certainly would, sir.
Now, this, uh, new fellow "Nezmeroz," is that his name?
Nemerov, sir.
Mm-hmm.
Well, despite what your source says, we hear that "Nezmeroz" is a hard-liner.
Is he a hard-liner?
[ Whispers ] No.
It's a bit too soon to make that assessment, sir.
Well, according to CNN, your Mr. "Nezmeroz" is making promises... to rebuild the Russian Empire.
That sounds pretty rash from where I sit.
If I were sitting in Chechnya, I'd be even more worried.
Sir, Nemerov's just saying what he needs to say to get the hard-liners off his back.
If we leave him alone, Russia will stabilize. 
If we push him, all bets are off.
When I asked for your advice, I didn't mean that you should actually speak.
Yes, sir.
Mr. Cabot.
Uh, Mr. Chairman, some of our assets in the Russian government... who actually know Mr. Nemerov have not had a chance to report in.
I'd like to take a couple of days... and get more information for you before characterizing him.
But I do maintain my opinion that appearances can be deceiving.
- You're saying I'm wrong?
- Absolutely, Mr. Chairman.
I don't think you're ugly.
[ Jack ] xñ÷÷xxxxxxppppúúú@@@@@ [ Cabot ] Senators don't like to be surprised.
I always give them a hint of what it is I'm gonna tell them, then I give them a little while to get used to it.
Then I tell them.
I understand.
Good.
But I'm right about Nemerov.
Your girlfriend like this stubborn streak in you?
[ Chuckles ] What?
Cathy Muller, second-year surgical resident,
Baltimore Memorial Hospital.
Welcome to the C.I.A., sport.
Well, your intelligence is-- is a little flawed in this matter.
I wouldn't call her my girlfriend... yet.
Oh.
What exactly would you call her?
Great. 
Amazing.
She's just afraid to commit.
He's terrified of commitment.
A man is afraid of commitment after three dates?
Alert the media.
I know. 
I know.
So, what does he do?
He was in the marines before he hurt his back.
Now, he's a historian.
Yawn.
No. 
He works for a think tank across the river.
Double yawn.
All right, Rita.
Let's see what you have to say after you meet him tonight.
He's, uh-- [ Clears Throat ] Cute?
- I have fat fingers.
- Cathy!
[ Laughs ]
Cute scale, one to 10.
Oh, God! 
I don't know.
Twelve.
[ Man ] Ask them where they found this.
[ Speaking Arabic ]
- [ Arabic ] 
- In the field.
In the Golan.
There was quite a lot of fighting there in 1973.
They witness it?
- [ Translates Into Arabic ] - [ Replies In Arabic ]
Uh, this one says he lost his son.
Does he remember?
Was there a plane shot down?
[ Arabic ]
[ Arabic ]
[ Translator ] Yes, an Israeli jet, destroyed.
This is worthless.
[ Translator Speaking In Arabic ] But tell him...
I will give him $400 because of his son.
[ Translating In Arabic ]
[ Stammers ] Thank-
- Thank you.
Thank you.
[ Man On TV ] Gosh, it's not the sort of thing you find lying around normally.
[ Woman ] Absolutely not.
[ Man ] How did you come by it then?
[ Woman ] I found her in the attic of an old mansion...
[ Man ] Uh-huh.
in an old part of Glasgow.
All right.
Your little trip to the attic actually has got you... a piece worth, now, the best part of a thousand pounds, even in this condition.
And had she been in better condition, even more.
So, uh, a jolly nice find.
I wonder if you can tell me how this rather beautiful lady... ended up with such a broken nose?
[ Woman ] Well, I'm afraid I can't tell you why she has a broken nose.
This obviously happened before I found her.
[ Man ] Found her?
[ Woman ] I found her. 
Yes.
She was very, very dirty.
Uh-huh.
And she was in a pile of rubble, and she looked like stone.
In fact, what I thought I'd found was a garden ornament.
[ Beeps ]
- Hello? 
Cathy.
- Hi. 
I'm so glad you called.
I'm running a little late.
I'm sorry.
Can you come, like, a half an hour later?
[ Engines Whining ] Uh, I-I can't make it.
I'm really sorry.
Oh.
It was a last-minute work thing.
[ Whirring ]
- What's that noise?
- [ Jet Turbines Whirring ]
I'm-
- I'm-
- I'm calling from a plane.
Look, this just came up, and I tried to call you... at the hospital, but they-- Where are you going?
- I can't tell you that.
- Jack--
You can't tell me where you're going?
Jack?
Ho-Hold on one second.
Yes, sir.
Looks as though your friend has left you, huh?
Don't worry, he won't get far.
That's what you did to my brother's car.
That's for making me come out here.
Hey!
You picked the wrong day to mess with me!
♪ Cover Me ♪
I died and gone to gay heaven.
I want some "disco lights."
[WAILING SIRENS]
Hey, wake up sleepyhead! 
We're almost there.
Nahahahaha! 
Not when I'm driving.
C'mon, we're gonna be there in less than an hour.
Hey!
Tommy?
C'mon! 
It's not funny.
Tommy!
Come on!
Please wake up! 
Please wake up!
You can't die when you I just got you back.
Come on, please, please!
I never even got the chance to tell you how much I love you!
Hi!
Thank you.
- Hey there!
- Hi!
This is the best love story I ever read!
Thank you!
You really made my coming out so much easier.
Oh, it means a lot. 
Thank you!

Although? 
You can not go!
I still have a lot of things to do  But Peter can not thank you enough to end this strike.
These unionists me crazy.
I really admire that has working late to put an end.
The Tribune would have sunk without their lawyers.
It was a pleasure, Hall.
Well, if there is anything we can do for you please let me know.
You bet. 
Pleasure to review it.
Peter! 
Finally meet you.
Congratulations on your party.
I want to introduce you to someone.
- Hello!
- Hello!
- Enjoying the party?
- Yes, thank you for the invitation.
This is Larry Jenkins, a longtime friend.
We studied together in Boston. 
He is editor.
Alan's father was a sailor with Hall.
Now Alan works with Hall at The Tribune.
I am an intern.
He eventually graduated from UCLA and is writing her first book.
And Hall said that Ime is a very talented writer.
Well .. 
Send me when you're done.
I will gladly read it.
Thank you.
Listen. 
Gotta go. 
Have a nice day.
Why not stay here until everyone has gone.
We can discuss your future.
I have to bring home Hall and I still have things to do.
It's simple... back when you're finished.
In any case the party will even get it later.
I do not think I can.
No, I insist.
Ok, thanks
When the cat is not mice make the party!
Look... "Greg Brady" the next time someone wants to take...
Go home and put some decent clothes, OK?
I'm leaving
Ok, Ok! 
Why not see if your boyfriend back?
Merv!
This is my roommate Michael, which gives the impression of being who he really is
Wonderful!
Mervin, not disgust me
It is usually gentle, but is a little rude when you are drinking or eating or talking.
He was the first friend I made when I arrived one year ago
- By the way, I'm Tommy.
- Alan.
Who do you know here?
I met Peter at Tribune Los Angeles
In the classifieds?
No, he negotiated the end a strike for us and invited me and my Head to celebrate and a small group.
He invited me to come back at night.
So you're a writer?
Yes.
You write what?
I'm writing my first book.
- What is it?
- Ironically, homosexuality throughout the ages.
Homosexuality has only two ages: young, 29 years
I work for change the negative image of gays.
Michael is my biggest challenge.
Know, I would like to interview him someday.
This is something new.
Come on.
I gotta go.
See ya.
- Hello 
- Can I talk to Tommy?
- Yes, who is?
- Alan Oakley, last night.
- Oh, hi!
- I wonder if you want to have dinner with me?
- Of course! 
What time?
Hi, you should be Tommy?
Alan told me both of you!
Come in, please.
For me?
- How beautiful!
Who are you?
Beverly.
Tommy, Hello!
Sorry.
About time!
- This is rare.
- He met Beverly.
Give presentations.
Alan told me that you are gay.
- Beverly!
Just because there's nothing good on TV.
- I find it so intriguing!
- Not always. 
Liberace, for example.
Liberace was gay?
Certainly, yes.
- Give it to me, thanks.
I'll look at the dinner.
- Why do not we met a little better.
- How was growing up in San Francisco?
- I'm from Texas.
- You do Valle?
- You're so good!
- I'm confused.
Oh, I know honey. 
Probably you had a very domineering mother.
- So, who planned to menu tonight? 
A menage a trois?
- Oh, no...
Alan hates French food.
- You are unreal!
- What was that?
- I said... you're a lion.
- I must be honest, I do not know many gay...
Giorgio... except, my hairdresser.
He's so good!
- You do your hair?
Not as many people. 
I myself do.
- I loved it!
- Thanks.
- Oh, and Maurice, my interior decorator.
he makes all sorts of... you know?
- You know him?
- A fair color?
- It's him!
- Let's connect...
- I'll bring my candles, my bells and sing.
- This is great...
Are getting acquainted?
Yes, I'm getting to know her.
Before you know it will a guru around.
- I hope...
Huh?
She is a...
Shandi awaits us.
Honey, dinner's ready.
So what you are, relatives?
No.
He is my lover.
- He is not a dream?
I need to smoke a weed!
- This looks good!
- You do not smoke weed, Beverly.
No, we do not smoke but the smoke gods
American Indians smoke.
which brings us closer to our deep  Unconsciousness.
- And Shandi approve.
- You're so good!
- No, do not smoke marijuana.
- Come on, is like smoking a cigarette.
- I do not smoke cigarettes.
- Honestly Alan, you are a slave to reality.
- Come on, no big deal... if you are worried with his political career
When he decided he wanted to be a writer? "
It has always been my dream since a child.
When he realized the first time that he was gay?
Well, it has always been my dream since childhood.
- Since I was a girl...
- His family knows he is working for gay rights?
They see me as a militant but know it's something that I believe and are behind me
The only one who was always behind me was the boot of my father
"Work, marry, between the army. "
"Visit exciting places, meet interesting people and then kill them! "
There is nothing worse than a military father.
always have guns at home.
once, he was 13, held a and it accidentally fired.
Killed Patton.
Patton?
Our parrot.
I'll never forget his last words...
"Patton wants a caixãol"
I always remember the way he shook every time I approach a weapon.
I hear him scream...
Baby you never told me that!
- Where are you originally?
- Seguin, Texas.
Why come to Los Angeles and change people's views about gays?
It is as if Texas did not need more than Los Angeles.
It is bringing people together in one place.
but they just want to meet the men's room of the library.
I also spent much time men's bathroom in the library.
When he had his first encounter gay?
8th grade, January 12, 1968, at 15:45. a Friday.
This is very accurate.
I was very precise.
Is something going on here.
This is a romantic encounter or what?
I thought he was.
What?
He's kidding, honey.
No. 
I think not.
Now I understand why not I wanted to here the principle
Because this is for my book
I'm going home to pray for you, Alan.
Beverly, wait!
I forgot to say something:
'Cocksucker! "
This was an insult?
You're so cool!
- Sorry, it was not my intention...
- Not so good.
I met her a few months a club of young Republicans and thought it was normal
I do not know when it became lover of candles and Buddhist preacher... found in a Republican camp and thought it was normal?
what was that place?
I'm Republican.
You're kidding, right?
Yes I am. 
Not much fun, is it?
I'm completely lost.
Why a Republican straight write about homosexuality?
To provide an objective material not obscure things.
You're stoned.
I'm not.
Among!
You want a shotgun?
A what?
Come, open your mouth.
I think you should go...
Yes, yes, ok
Sorry.
Hi, sweetie.
How was your big night?
I will not ask you how many times... he has a brother?
I'm saying, I have my pride.
Remember, it was a disaster.
- What happened? 
Was too passive?
- Worst.
- A hetero?
- Yes, but much worse.
Oh my God!
What can be worse than a heterosexual?
He is Republican.
He is a straight Republican!
Know otherwise?
Oh sorry dear, but when he Judy Garland opened his mouth dropped!
Sorry, did not want... was a tough split.
is a form of expression.
You want a massage?
No thanks.
I have to go on a date.
Remind me what we're doing here?
"Balance the conservative base patriarchal society straight. "
It's a good way to meet men.
Exactly. 
There comes a.
- What is this?
- A petition against Nixon.
Nixon is innocent man!
I know! 
may believe that this half the table does not belong to this lunatic.
What?
Subscribe to the mine. 
It is in support of Nixon.
Why not subscribe?
What is the problem with your friend?
The Communists are all crazy.
Is hunger.
Could you put your telefine too?
Keep doing!
With you behind me... no problem.
- Alan!
- Tommy! 
Hi!
How long? 
A month?
Do you think that is his brother somewhere?
Think you're in the jungle?
her love with this guy.
"555"...
This is not a prefix! 
Son of a bitch!
Lord!
So what are you doing here?
I run here every morning.
- Many signatures?
- Not really.
There! 
Nixon won.
Plans for the night?
Or maybe you're busy with some setback with the government?
There'll be busy. 
Why?
Well, it's Saturday and would go with Beverly until amazed.
I amazed?
Yes.
And I wanted to thank me with dinner?
Sure!
Alright!
I do not remember the last time spent as well.
Shhh. 
It's a Republican and never have so much fun.
There are still fights at shows hippies...
- It's my plant?
- Yes!
What happened. 
Was assumed that talk to her twice a day
- Hi, plant.
- Hi, plant.
I'm a little tired.
I'd better go home.
No! 
Why is not this evening.
- Are you sure?
- Yes!
I'll stay on the couch!
No. 
I do not have to do this.
No?
This sofa is a mechanism of torture for relatives who are not welcome
Sleep in my bed.
- Are you sure?
- Absolutely true.
Okay.
I'll stay on the couch, I'm used to.
- Ok 
- Good evening.
What are you doing?
The couch is worse than I remembered.
I'll stay on the couch.
Good morning.
I'll also have coffee
Usually all I get is a false name and phone
- Last night was a disaster
Yes, I also had a good time.
We need to give our brain a breather.
So what are you doing tonight?
- I can not see you again.
- Here!
- I assumed you'd take.
- I said I can not see you again.
- Why?
- Because I feel things for you.
I think he knows it.
because they went to bed anyway.
Come on, I was too drunk do not remember anything
You said:
"I'm so hot, I wanted My fiancee was here. "
I do not know who is speaking.
You know very well.
I would not stay with you because you had been drinking.
I'm not queer like you, ok?
Well, I'm very happy for you.
- Hello!
- Tommy?
Listen, he does not want to talk to you.
Why do not you demand in classified and calls another?
American Psychiatric Association has classified homosexuality as a mental illness.
Your signature can change that!
And...
Es...
Est...
This...
These...
These d...
Of these...
These des  These std
Divert these  These shifts ... These desvian ... These deviant ... These deviant ... These deviant ... These deviants s ... These are deviant
These deviant fri  These deviant sexu ... These sexual deviants ... These deviants sexual ... These sexual deviants
Homosexuality is not a mental illness.
You should be ashamed!
You should be ashamed of your thinking!
Homosexuality is not a mental illness.
What kind!
Could only talk to him a second, please?
Listen, I'm going for a restraining order.
Do not call me anymore!
- Faggot!
Alan, is a contract potentially very good, how can you resist?
I dunno. 
Not simply I feel good about it.
It's best to get it out of the hands and mind.
You sign here and finish.
I've known Larry a long time.
Trust me, your book is in better hands.
I think that's right.
Thank you for speaking for Governor Reagan.
It will be a good article.
Listen,
If you can do some anything for you, just call me.
Thanks, has been a good friend.
Sorry.
What part of "not want to receive a Christmas card "do you not understand?
Why still looking for me?
Do not want to see or hear again!
- I think I'll go.
- Tommy, what a surprise to see it!
- Talk to you later Alan.
Whatever?
I can not stop thinking about what happened.
I want to apologize for the way I treated you.
- I finished my book...
- Does not interest me the fucking book!
What do you want?
I mean I'm sorry.
Granted absolution, go with God. 
Ta.
- Wait!
- What?
I also wanted I mean... 
I...
- They ate your tongue?
- Spit! 
Speak!
Am out of here!
I hope you have a divine spiritual resignation.
This will not happen...
Why I hate you.
Now, fuck!
- I was so stunned that I do not remember anything.
- Shut up.
Alan, I am. 
Calls me baby.
I'm Dylan again. wanted to know...
Larry Jenkins.
- Hi I'm Alan Oakley.
it just call you.
I wanted to talk about the book.
Yes, I also need to talk to you.
Listen, it's a great book but dont think it is a good time to lance it and have a good exit
Oh, that's good.
Oh my God this is great.
Well, it's better than expected.
Listen. 
Can I call you when done next?
I'll be waiting.
Ok, we talked.
Hi Who was that?
My editor to say I would not publish my book.
- Sorry.
I know how much it meant to you.
It was no big deal.
What are you talking about?
Anyway not much care.
He worked hard on it. 
I do not understand a refusal to accept so easily!
am I missing something?
Can I read now?
Just wanted to forget it.
Ok!
This will cheer you.
Not my type of reading.
Reading? 
I know what is new with this.
So why not teach me anything.
Lesson 1...
No. 
Stop!
- I do.
- Coming!
- Not yet!
- Come on Alan, do not let your mother waiting!
- I hear noises around. 
Open the door boy!
- Good morning
- Still in bed? 
Lord.
- At nine o'clock. 
What luxury!
What are you doing here?
I thought they were and Las Vegas?
His father was not earning , and decided it was better to go.
We thought we could see you in San Diego.
I do not think is the best time.
We just want to see you.
God! 
You know I hate this city.
Why do not we see better later?
- Do not be ridiculous.
Lift, lift. 
My parents are here!
- Great. 
I'm anxious to meet them.
- Are you crazy?
mad if you see!
I'm so bad this morning?
- Come on!
- What do you do?
- Hide in the closet!
Put me in a tomb before I stick in a closet.
- I am only child.
My parents expect twenty grandchildren!
They can see you!
Can face their parents.
I'm tired of your dirty little secrets.
Never left. 
No response to my phone...
Sorry. 
I did not notice.
This is my friend Tommy.
It was this night to sleep because...
You are painting the apartment.
His mother is not stupid.
She knows what is happening here.
My roommate had many guests. 
So we came here.
And he said:
I'll stay on the couch. 
Generous as it is,
He said stay with the bed, and me on the couch.
Well, that was very sweet of you.
Do not worry about the coffee.
I will prepare.
I'll leave you to dress.
I liked the hat.
Dress!
How was Vegas?
Full of drunks, party animals and punters until dawn
Met there. 
In good times!
I was a dancer at the Flamingo and Ted was on leave from the navy.
She was so beautiful with his uniform.
You were a dancer in Las Vegas, i sso is so cool
He met an Ann Margret?
No, but used his colan. 
The girls and I were doing a tribute to Elvis...
Mary...
How did you meet?
In the Young Republicans club.
I love cock.
It has too much sugar.
Nixon is a good man.
I like to see young people supporting the team.
though somewhat liberal in some subjects anyway it is a good man.
Alan, there's something you want to tell us?
I think not.
Can I read some new kind of reading?
I can not explain.
I think I should do it.
Due to his mother for an explanation.
His father want to know when you will publish your book.
.. O. o. .. o. .. book?
Still do not know anything.
Not sure?
Move your ass there!
- Ted!
- Make some calls!
A little initiative!
Ted, you go.
His father did not want to miss Kojak.
- Who loves you, Baby?
Gonna take a trip to visit them.
Yes, and will continue postponing, for a change.
Pleasure to meet you, Tommy.
It was also a pleasure to meet them.
Oh Your magazine was wetting and I put next to the sofa for you
I think they liked me.
Oh my God!
What's wrong with your book?
I thought the editor did not like.
Only asked you to help me.
I do not believe he left a porn magazine for my mom to see!
Well, not me who got wet...
You little shit!
Case closed.
Dipshit!
Case closed
"All you presisa is love"
"The homosexual love is beautiful"
"The Lesbians are beautiful"
"Save our children from homosexuality"
"Save our human rights"
"Repent"
"God loves us"
"Human rights are absolute"
"An army of fans can not fail"
"Gay Power, Black Power, Power of Women  Power of Students. 
All Power to the People. "
Ahhh, wait...
Because he asked?
I'll go back to the car.
Unbelievable!
How about if we make the trip we talk to mexico?
There we took a holiday in the four years we are together.
Mexico. you know I hate.
- We can fly.
If fly is not the same.
We did not seize the trip alone.
Oh no! 
Come on!
Hey, Alan!
- Are you okay?
- Hi!
- Jesus! 
Long time!
Beverly, so long that not recognize you. 
Changed much
You are also different.
Yes, we decided to change their jogging.
Their form is fantastic.
Thank you. 
Keep in shape with a video gym that I am at home.
Home video of gymnastics?
How's this?
Imagine wanting to exercise in home instead of going to the gym,
You put the video-cassette and accompanies the instructor.
Not a good idea?
Yes, it was good to see you.
Yeah, you too.
Should come to our apartment for dinner one day.
"Our apartment? 
Are living together?
Yes, they do four years.
I knew it.
It was very good cook to be straight!
Just sing anything, ok?
Oh, it was a phase  I was going through.
Now go to the church of Scientology.
I became... a new world.
Sounds interesting.
- It is!
- We need to...
Listen! 
I also have to run. 
Has the same number?
- Yes!
_ Good! 
I'll call you, bye.
- Great, thanks.
Where's Michael?
Excuse me.
AUUUU! 
That hurt motherfucker!
Drop the candy and pass away from the boys.
Please finish alone.
This was not funny!
Guys, wait!
I went out with Alan but deep down always knew he was gay.
Oh, I loved it. 
Took both to end!
That happened to me too.
I want a stable relationship.
I am not a prostitute.
I'll get something fresh.
I want one for chronic sleep on the last page.
Excuse me.
Larry, are you doing here?
I'm trying to find two weeks ago.
I have good news
After the recent events in Florida, decided to publish his book
I have nothing to do with this book. 
That was a long time and I do not believe that anymore.
Certainly not want my name associated with something.
- Alan, commenting is a big mistake.
- No. 
It was a pleasure to see you.
What a change! 
You're popular.
Most are friends of Tommy.
Thanks for doing this again for us
It is a pleasure. 
Oh, before I forget...
These are the house keys...
Thanks for taking care of her.
No problem. 
What can I do for you.
Where's the incendiary bomb
Who knows? 
Signing autographs and kisses, I think...
Looks like you guys to give well after 4 years.
It is easy to live without others in our house
Interesting, no?
When we drastically change our life, just the influence of a person.
What do you mean?
What should be driving to The Tribune now. 
I would not be happy...
Excuse me... have you seen my boyfriend? 
I think I lost it.
How is he?
.. Well, it's beautiful, elegant, successful, lovely, beautiful.
Oh! 
And how can someone well on your side?
I could not find a better one.
Oh, shit!
- Where are you taking me?
- It's a secret.
Secret?
- Yes!
Do you love secrets.
Sit here.
Close your eyes.
Do not make jokes. 
Close eyes and turn around.
Do not look.
Happy birthday.
- This is an "A". 
You missed.
- No. 
They are our initials!
I know. 
Thank you. 
I loved it.
One more thing...
A photo of an Oldsmobile.
Too pretentious for a Volkswagen?
It is also his and arrives next week.
Are you kidding?
It's yours!
- We can not afford.
- We can, I saved.
I can not accept.
Have no choice! 
Already paid and no refund.
See, it's for us two.
No.
Yes.
- No.
- Yes!
So it's easier.
Any idea how much I love you?
No, but you can show me.
- How could you do this to me?
- Alan, signed a contract with me 4 years ago. 
This is perfectly legal.
The timing was very good practical let go and not put your name.
What is the complaint of having a best seller, a young boy?
Hear that "The citizens of Dade County, in Florida, voted by a margin of 2-1... to refuse an amendment in the law that prohibits discrimination against homosexuals.
"Before that, the singer Anita Bryant made a public campaign against the bill to the nation.
After his statement, Bryant said:
"God help us, we will reject These laws across the nation. "
This book of shit "The truth straight" and Anita Bryant will be a big problem.
I do not know, I meet David Metzner tonight to discuss how to control damage.
See you there.
Why not told you the truth?
say wrote the book number 1 of hatred in the nation? 
Can not make it.
I suppose all this will calm and nobody will know it was you.
but do not think it's better to be honest?
It would be easier to take the books the shelves!
Have to face it, Alan.
That's right.
Just talk. 
He will understand.
I hope so. 
Thank you.
"TRUTH HETERO" WHO IS THE TRUE AUTHOR? 
The battle for gay rights in Florida has made "The truth straight" a best seller, but the author remains a mystery
Where is it?
Here.
I do not want luck?
I need to tell you something.
What?
What is it?
Devastate them.
Thank you, see you tonight.
Bryant's move to end equal rights for gays in Florida  Extended nationally.
We are here with Tommy Ballenger, "High and Strong" a group fighting to avoid  That this cross-Bryant come to California.
Mr Ballenger,
What The 'Tall and Strong "flaps do to avoid that this crusade is to extend nationwide
"I think the best thing to do is to teach all about diversity.
Teem People fear what they do not understand.
- Have you read the book "The straight truth"?
It was obviously written by a Christian aiming to harm us.
Why do you think was published anonymously?
Some words to quit?
Yes, thanks.
I wanted to do according to un Anita Bryant's friends:
If you stop telling lies about us, stop telling the truth about you
Rushed an incident during an interview with reporters. 
And this is what happened
Our crusade against homosexuals
Could start on June 8 After our great victory.
But we wanted to avoid and win it in Virginia
We talked to Norfolk with protesters and face all sorts of problems e. ..
- Security.
- Hurt?
- No. 
At least it was fruit cake.
Yes, I would like to give the name the author of "The Straight Truth"...
I wanted to stay anonymous.
Mr. Ballenger, it was revealed that the author of "The straight truth is Alan Oakley,
Who lives with you for four years.
Any comments?
This was a plan to make money the controversy with Anita Bryant?
Or a plan to attract supporters?
Tell the truth honestly:
Alan Oakley is your lover?
Listen. 
Farrah Fawcett made in his thighs. 
If you do not go away
I'll stick this microphone so deep...
Oh! 
Her hair is awful, baby!
Cut!
No newspaper in the country, except will want to gossip maintaining a journalist who writes against the rights of others
Not supposed to be published.
A real journalist would never write something that could not be published!
A true writer should be responsible for your words!
Until his father agrees with that.
You have created... an atmosphere of anarchy around.
We have protests outside the building!
The phones are congested death threats!
I have no choice but to let you go.
Anything you want me to say?
Sorry.
"Stop the attacks on gays!"
"One reason for revolting!"
"Cancer on the gay community"
"Alliance of People with AIDS"
"Fighting for Our Lives"
Excuse me...
Excuse me...
Honey, in a minute you meet.
"Out loud," I can help you...
Yes, Mr. Oakley will speak during dinner.
No, he is single but I am.
No, I'm not a lesbian!
Well, since my friend and I...
You know, I can see two guys doing... because they have nowhere to hold.
But two women?
Oh my God. 
There is a lesbian, is it?
No.
I can only conjure up a department for me.
The Department of Defense.
He is the one of our programs which will increase its budget heading
Better close your mouth and open it when it is correct.
It is the only president ever giving bad news to the American people.
It is a Republican. 
What do you expect.
With the Germans We do not talk of war.
If I remember correctly you were one of those Republicans.
If I remember you'd be a prostitute!
I love your outfit.
It's as Crystal Carrington ":
type "I am really sweet but you yank your eyes!
Thank you. their clothes are so stunning.
Oh, this? 
My style prostitute?
Do I shock you. 
Only people who are alive.
Righteous man who was looking for!
Only if it is heterosexual, I know!
What are you doing here?
I came to see beautiful beautiful friend.
What happened?
A phone number and a address in Mexico. 
Lets guess...
The man of my dreams is there.
Beverly is thrilled that his I with these types of relationships  But let me be the first to tell you.
It will not work.
is the address and phone number for Tommy.
Come on!
You did the right thing with the gay community, do the right thing with it too!
He hates me.
Is that you hate yourself.
I can not.
I have to write my speech and I think that Peter plans something for my birthday
He is sick, Alan.
Michael asked me who told you and it is not easy for me.
He goes in his parents' house after tomorrow and wanted to see before leaving
No, I can not.
Gotta go home.
Home to what?
- Alan!
Mary, is Beverly.
We need to help your child.
There! 
So you're a lesbian!
I had a great idea.
Okay sister!
Are you coming to bed?
One minute.
Damn manufacturers... will not finish this gate until Tuesday.
I wanted to finish before My parents arrive tomorrow!
His parents come tomorrow?
Yes, you have to change their stuff for another quarter.
Oh, has a new suit for that use.
Is stored in the cabinet.
I go to sleep. 
Good night.
What is this?
Are the keys to my BMW. 
It is your I'll buy a new one.
Stop essse present, ok?
I'm perfectly happy with my car.
Alan is a Honda, how can you be happy with that?
We are not so well.
Are you kidding? 
Could not be better!
- The firm has not lost any process...
- I'm talking about us, Peter!
We are far away.
Takes you to the Cape once you have some time.
I do not think this is the solution of our problem.
- I can not believe it! 
This law firm shit is having so much trouble.
Hope this helps you with your computer their work. 
With love, Peter
Hi, plan!
Father, you should do a trip to China... by 60 years of marriage.
- What?
- China Father!
I do not care what we eat
Just tell your wife to cook faster!
This is Peter, not Martin.
Peter is not married. 
Remember, George.
Why not get married?
Why is too busy with work.
He has no time for dating.
Alan, have not seen his girlfriend Peter tells us that much.
She walks very busy with work.
Have to thank President Reagan for that!
Oh, we have to thank President Reagan's a lot of things.
I got it.
Good couple!
Surprise!
- What is this?
- Happy birthday!
Not a good time.
What this, funeral music?
Until we have music lifts better than this.
It's your birthday and decided to come and celebrate.
We want free beer.
Her mother is single and ready to party.
Mommy!
This is what made the show Caesar's Palace.
C'mon, Mama!
No, Peter's parents are here!
Get them out then!
Could not come at another moment, please?
I can not believe invited them and not us!
He is a bad boy.
Yes, let's save in the room.
- Mom, do not touch anything...
I thought Peter would appreciate it.
Yes, if Peter needs a bitch.
Come on. 
I'll make some money way home.
What's happening?
Why not call your mother?
You would realize that their parents are divorcing.
Yes but I think it's fine.
His real gift.
I thought you would like a short vacation.
- I said I can not 
- Your flight leaves in 3 hours.
Arrive in time to drink some margaritas in Mexico.
And Tommy would fly to Texas.
- I can not go.
- Why?
Because Peter does not like it.
"Peter will not like this"
Beverly!
Alan! 
Peter does not like you feels in his face and crush.
Come on, Let go of the teat. 
Jump head, just for a change!
He helped me when nobody else did, ok.
... It's a small baby It's baby Peter.
I said I can not go.
Grow up and be a man.
Stand and you change your mind!
What's happening?
Sound of people of color!
I'll see what is happening.
- Are you working?
- Yes and no.
But the night is young!
Let's not tonight.
Dance with us.
Let's not be so bitter.
It is equal to his father.
I do not thereby created.
I hope it's not too expensive!
Was!
I said I could not stay.
I can not believe you invited their parents for the birthday and not ours.
It's your birthday?
Well, I arrived just in time.
What's for dinner?
- We do not have enough.
- We know that there is always more than you need.
Why not take his eyes off the clock?
Is excellent.
You can cook, Alan.
Thank you.
Wine, yes, please.
I'll take another.
It was less drunk?
I will try, but no promises.
Is ready for his big speech tomorrow night?
How exciting
Practice with us!
- Dad, and golf?
- He will talk... the crisis of public health in the Reagan administration.
Should be proud, Peter.
We can not have this conversation the table tonight?
Where is the father of Alan?
Probably know some bitch.
He should have left him long ago.
Else was so good in bed!
Sometimes he could only stand
Nobody here is interested.
Lower your voice!
We are not deaf.
At least it could be of interest on the welfare of my son!
Respect the interests of all Alan, just do not like to force me to swallow them.
This is the first time I hear you My son complained of forcing you to swallow anything?
I have to put up with it.
... Go complain to the bishop.
You crossed the line.
First comes into my house...
Your household?
I forgot. 
Do you live alone.
Do not do it.
Do not make the same mistake...
I made with her father.
I love you and support you...
But I can not sit here and see how it destroys your life.
If you are now going to take time.
A time for what? 
He's not going anywhere.
This dinner is over.
I want everybody out of here now!
Do not shout.
- Come on, George.
- Do not shout!
- Take the cane.
- Say something?
Hope you enjoyed belittling me.
What are you doing?
I'm leaving.
Any problems I missed?
There is a problem that you have ignored:
I do not belong, Peter.
We discuss this tomorrow.
Peter, I'm leaving and not coming back.
And where are you?
I'll see Tommy.
Tommy?
Tommy Ballenger.
The Huh?
Whether you spend your life with doing he protests, throwing condoms in churches and denouncing the injustices of the world?
Why think you saved it?
And as I saved?
If I had not pressed Larry to publish your book this was the life that would be leading up to now.
- You said to publish the book?
- Of course I did!
- Stupid shit!
You had the opportunity to succeed.
And what did?
Played out. 
Ruined her life
That book Destroy my life!
What made you this monster! "
I have not changed, you did.
Now put those bags and go back up.
Where's the remote?
Me.
Could open up for me?
Alan, it's cold out here.
Let's go?
then go to a place warmer than Hell, I got a plane to catch.
Peter, the last time, open the gate!
The party moved here?
Could you sense your child?
Hi son, I guess what you call common sense.
Mother, I must leave.
It makes sense for me.
Take care and tell Tommy she loves him.
- What are all doing out here?
- It's okay, Dad.
Could open the gate?
You're not helping the situation.
Where to go?
He is leaving this hell is here!
Because everybody scream here?
Could open the gate?
It's time to go home.
What are you doing?
Let him go!
No Me.
That's was my grandmother!
She herself did, I suppose!
Give me that remote!
Oh no, not this.
Shit, get out!
Enough!
Behave yourselves!
No!
Your guide to the great state of Texas has arrived.
I never thought I could do it.
I need to brown. 
I thought... 
Why not?
It's the old car?
Yes.
And it works?
Gives problems, but takes you wherever.
We better go.
What is this?
Is the plant you gave me at our first meeting.
Are you kidding?
It's so great!
I talk to her twice a day.
I can not believe that kept her alive!
How have you been?
Good Things could not be better. 
I. ..
Airport?
Texas Prime Air, please.
What say?
You are practical and that?
Are you sure?
Here are the passports, we have passages back to 1 hour to San Antonio.
What's wrong with him?
Had a bad day. 
Thank you.
It seems more serious than that.
Ok, a bad and long day. 
We embark.
Our boarding passes.
Our names are Tommy Ballenger and Alan Oakley.
I'm sorry sir, but I can let him board with it
I can not leave it behind!
It is regulation of the company.
Your friend is obviously ill... and can not risk infecting other passengers is not safe
We're not planning to fly the plane, just want to sit quietly.
Could call their supervisor or some humans, if there is any?
My supervisor  Tell him the same.
Now I have other passengers. 
Next!
Call your supervisor,
Now!
Do not talk to me like this.
and stay behind the line.
Next please! "
- Come on. 
She knows what she does.
- Not me
Listen to your aeromoçca stupid
Bring your supervisor now or you will fly at 30,000 feet when I shove it up your ass!
Whew... 
There is a little nervous?
Whew... you are not a little bitch?
Here is Louise, the counter of the Texas Premiere.
I have a very aggressive passenger and need help fast.
Finally we are progressing.
I do not think call security is a step forward.
What? 
Fucking bitch!
Puta Texas Premiere!
Let me get my plan.
Cow! 
Put a little more shadow the next time.
The security guards were saved than podeia have done.
You have developed a beautiful vocabulary.
You are writing children's books?
Yes, a bit like writing "cow."
The correct word is "bitch"!
Tell me how we get in Texas?
We will do as you always wanted.
Want to see the map?
Yes.
- What are you doing with a gun?
- It's not loaded.
You can get rid of it?
I want a jockey?
That a child jockey in the shoulder ache?
You know I hate guns.
Nobody travels through Mexico without protection.
Then store in the glove compartment, do not want to see it again!
Ok See?
Thank you.
Can not read this.
There is nothing to see. 
Come to the North.
Peter was very good to me after you're gone.
I stayed at a friend's house a year...
I welcomed the first year and then things were happening.
In the last two years have not been... this was the point...
One room, one night, please.
$ 25.
Give it.
Sorry,
We do not accept credit cards.
Do not accept in these parts.
He said that anyone around here credit card accepted.
All we have are 20 dollars in pesos.
I have nothing in cash, I thought we were going by plane.
Ask if $ 20 is good.
It is a difference of $ 5!
Okay, go, go!
That damn...!
What, what?
Be right back.
Carrier?
I can connect with the United States?
- I do not understand
States, America, California?
Do you speak English? 
Can pass to someone who speaks English? 
CA.
- I do not speak English.
Shit!
Look who finally woke up!
We have almost no fuel, have no money for food.
I can not do any good, right?
What are you talking about?
It's the sweetest guy I met and intelligent
Why do you think you got all those years?
Yes, until he published that book.
I read it to assess and although the subject was well written.
- Do you read?
- Yes
I tried to cancel but it was Peter published it behind my back.
All this time I I never stopped loving you.
Thank you. 
I'm really happy about that.
Do not know much how to write, but I know one thing.
have to write with your heart and not with your head while reading the book I read:
"This is not Alan," Alan did not talk like that "
I'll take you to the doctor tomorrow.
Do not talk.
Sorry for making you go through this.
I'm happy to be with you again.
Gotta get some sleep.
I'm really tired.
Hey. 
What are you doing?
These bags are ours!
Do not think. 
Has a gun behind the pants. 
Take it.
I will not do that.
Go!
No, I hate guns, I will not grab it and not the gun.
Ok, you come here. 
He points to this, and I caught his.
I will not hold a gun
So why do not The brings us to Texas.
Okay, I'll do!
You are so peremptory!
- What was that?
Sorry.
Sorry, I have to get...
Lie down!
- Not you, him!
- Sorry.
Lie on the floor and kiss the dust!
He or I?
Oh Christ! 
I'm talking to him.
Because he speaks English. 
He does not know English.
I guess not!
I liked when they talked so much.
And what you expect when someone a gun like a madman?
Shut up!
Could have circumvented the situation without pointing a gun.
Pro floor, now!
Grab our bags.
Fill the tank!
- Yes you!
- Still very smart!
So you like me.
Shit!
Sorry.
Let's send a check for gas
What are you talking about?
I feel bad doing it.
Why. 
He was stealing from us!
Maybe he needed money.
You became a liberal.
Come and grab the money box.
That will bring us problems...
We need money.
You can send him a check and a Balloons as excuses later.
I will not steal!
Ok if you are not moving, I'll shoot you
- What?
Now I who is with stealing a gun!
You're crazy!
Here you are.
Hold on a second...
What are you doing?
I thought you said I was discharged!
Now.
Why is it stopping?
Give me the gun.
Give me the gun!
What's wrong? 
It was fun.
Never do that again!
I saved your life!
I can not keep doing this shit ok?
Okay, why not turn and apologized to the guy.
I should not have come here.
Sorry, did not mean it.
Only I do not have much practice in robbing gas stations.
Thank you for saving my ass.
For that ass? 
How much you want?
Let me see where we are.
We are less than one days of the border.
We will be there in the morning.
I really feel for what you said, did not mean any of it.
I can compensate.
How?
Do you remember the time he was depressed because I had lost my job, and what he said to comfort me?
- No 
- Come on. 
Summer 75...
Yes, I remember.
- No, no way!
- Come on, please.
- No!
- S meant a lot to me.
- Here?
- We have not seen any car for hours.
- It can not be serious!
Never again will I hear you!
It made me feel better.
I'm so happy for you.
Dipshit!
Oh, shit!
Hand up high!
Hands up! 
out of the car slowly.
Tommy, get out of the car.
We did not do anything!
Shut up and put your hands on the hood!
Where's the gun?
- We have no weapon.
- Do not lie!
When you stole the post from my brother had a gun.
Throw away.
What makes you think you can come to my parents and rob us?
He was stealing from us!
Out!
I do not like liars!
- Leave him alone!
- Shut up!
He needs to go to the doctor in Texas.
You will need a doctor when finished with it.
It appears that your friend left you?
Do not worry, do not go far
This is what they did my brother's car.
and this is for making me come here.
Hey!
Picked the wrong day to mess with me!
I died and gone to gay heaven.
I want a little "disco lights"
Awake sleeper, we are almost there.
No, not when I'm driving.
We will arrive in less than an hour.
Tommy?
No fun. 
Tommy.
Come on!
Please wake up.
Can not die when you bring back.
Come on, please!
Never had the opportunity to tell you how much I love you!
2 years later
Thank you.
This is the best love story I read!
Thanks!
Made me take more easily.
It means a lot to me, thanks.
Tommy
TRANSLATION AND LEGENDS: 
Mouty/2007 Resynchronize and corrected by: quikov/2008

Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles
[SQUAWKS]
Pazoozoo, you ungrateful gargoyle!
I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?
FARNSWORTH: 
Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road.
Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. 
There!
Maybe I should drive.
You? 
A woman?
I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall.
Let me just adjust the seat.
[RUMBLING]
My God, he's gonna do it! 
Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!
[YELLING]
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
[HORNS HONKING]
FARNSWORTH:
Pazoozoo?
Pazoozoo?
Hey, Grandpa!
Move your wrinkly old keister!
Shut up!
For heaven's gate!
This ship can do 99 percent light speed.
Why are we going 35 miles an hour?
Because we're in a hurry, that's why!
Plus, you have the high beams on!
FARNSWORTH:
I can't quite read the sign.
Pazoozoo?
Pazoozoo!
Oh, it's 2:30. 
We can still catch the early-bird dinner special.
Aren't we looking for your gargoyle?
My what?
Hello, Mavis. 
Surprised to see me back again so soon?
Mavis is dead.
I expect you'll want to see my angry, crotchety, grandpa discount card?
- Sir, this card has expired.
- But it's good for a lifetime.
Well, yours expired.
Oh, Lord! 
Teeth do not belong in your pants, professor.
Well, I can't keep them in my mouth, they're nuclear-powered!
Ow! 
It bit my finger.
No! 
No! 
It's tasted human blood!
[SCREAMING]
Mm. 
Damn good meat.
[DOOR OPENS]
Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old.
We've decided to do the merciful thing, and have you youth-a-sized.
Dear God, no!
Relax, professor. 
Youth-a-sizing is a trendy new spa treatment.
It's this season's shark-cartilage enema!
But I like being old!
I don't have to talk to my parents, no one asks me to help move their stuff I don't need to understand today's "edgy" TV sitcoms.
Okay, okay. 
We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. 
Get him!
Ah! 
Ooh! 
Ooh! 
Ooh-ooh-ooh!
My thong!
[DOOR OPENS]
Hi! 
I'm Heather, your personal youth-a-sizer.
Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we?
- Go to hell, Heather!
- Oh...
In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.
Give me back my floppy face!
[GROANING]
Careful with the giblets!
You're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints.
More pressure.
Ahhh.
[BEEPING]
Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll try our strongest treatment:
A soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar.
Sir, it's not necessary or wise to be naked.
You sound just like my tennis instructor.
[GROANS]
The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect is a miracle.
I don't have time for this!
I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it making people wait behind me while I complain.
He still sounds sort of old, sort of real old.
Step aside, lady.
Like everything else in life pumping is just a primitive, degenerate form of bending.
Whoa. 
Whoa-oa. 
Whoa!
Come on, Bender!
Pump harder! 
Harder!
I'm trying as hard as I can.
Harder, damn you!
[GRUNTING AND YELLING]
[RUMBLING]
[SCREAMING]
[COUGHING AND GROANING]
Well, that was an utter waste of time.
[GASPING]
Professor, it worked!
You look young enough to be my father!
Poodle spit!
[BEEPING]
Fifty-three years old?
Oh, now I'll need a fake ID to rent ultra-porn.
VOICE CRACKING: 
Cool, professor.
We should go out and celebrate!
[CHATTERING]
Dear Lord! 
You've all reverted to your childhood forms!
Hooray!
I'm a teenage heartthrob again.
While I try to restore our normal ages I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals.
It wasn't me, Mr. F. It was Amy.
- Stop it, Amy!
- You stink!
You know you did it!
Quiet! 
Quiet, I say!
We're here to take my little stub of a husband home.
Hermes, say goodbye to Mr. Farnsworth.
Goodbye, Mr. Dumbsworth!
Hey! 
This is my chance to spend time with my parents too.
But your parents are gross sewer mutants. 
Ow!
When I was an orphan I wished I could grow up with my mom and dad.
And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time...
That's not what happened!
Shut up and go live with your parents!
LEELA:
It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom!
You and me can bake, and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face and if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad!
Can't I just beat up the kid?
Well, okay, Leela.
If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home.
We'll try to respect your independence and freedom.
No! 
I want the real teen experience.
Chores, curfew, the works!
Fine, sweetiekins, we'll be the strictest parents ever.
Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate!
Dad, I'm underage!
Oh, right.
Here's a silly straw.
Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again.
This like a mother's dream!
Bad dream, that is. 
At this rate, I'm never gonna get a grandchild!
Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out. 
She fat!
Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again I'm just gonna stay in my room!
Stay in room? 
You so fat, you gonna stay all around room.
I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth.
Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours.
And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks.
Now I have to pay them!
I'm tired of you yapping!
All you ever do is complain.
You never try to make things better.
Well, I'm running away from this dead-end family.
I know there's a place for people like me, with new ideas.
- There has to be!
- Fine. 
Get going.
Oh, I'm going, and you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? 
I miss Bender! "
We won't know that until you leave.
- Oh, I'm leaving.
- There's the door.
I'll be good.
Ah. 
Do you have to shed your skin on the couch?
What do we live in, a zoo?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'm getting the doorbell.
For me?
Hello, sir. 
It's a lovely evening you have tonight.
I'm here to pick up your daughter.
Hi, Fry. 
I like your blazer.
Thanks. 
These aren't pockets, they're just flaps.
I put my money in my sock.
So where are you taking my daughter tonight?
VOICE CRACKING: 
A movie.
A movie, ma'am.
Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12.
Dad, you're being too lenient again.
I have to be back by 11.
Okay, okay! 
You're the boss.
No, I'm not!
I'd like a sewer burger, but without the rat feces.
What, are you on a diet?
Leela, you look hot.
Jeez, Moose. 
Just dump me right in front of her, why don't you.
Moose, Mandy, this is my friend Fry from the surface.
Oh, so this is the famous Fry.
What is he like, the biggest loser on the surface so he has to hang out in the sewer?
- They're onto me!
- Hey, come on let's act like grownups here.
- Wanna race?
- Yeah.
Theres. 
The world's drinkings water is safes for another days.
Whoas! 
Cripe!
LEELA:
A tapeworm!
We missed the turn!
We'll never catch them.
Yes, we will. 
This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9 p.m.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
FARNSWORTH: 
The devil take this predictable colon!
[YELLING]
[CHEERING]
- All right!
- Whoo-hoo!
Leela, you can stop winning now, we won!
LEELA:
I can't reach the hand brake!
That's detention.
And then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps but we totally dissed Moose.
Yes, I'd like to meet this Moose.
But in the meantime, I have good news!
I may have solved our age problem.
Yay!
It seems the youth-a-sizing tar was saturated with time-altering kronatons.
A thin layer is still stuck to our DNA as well as Bender's robo, or "RNA. "
- Question.
- Yes?
You stink.
Yes, yes. 
Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium that should take the tar right off.
Come on. 
Let's go tell Leela so we can grow up together.
[MIMICS KISSING]
Thanks, professor, but I don't want the treatment.
Don't you understand, you little nitwit?
Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age will be to grow into it, just as God intended.
He has a point, honey.
What about your job and your friends?
Do you really want to abandon your old life?
My old life wasn't as glamorous as my web page made it look.
All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you.
- Please?
- Well, if it's what you really want.
It is, I know it is.
VOICE CRACKING:
I'll miss you, Leela.
I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up.
- Bring beer.
- No beer till you finish your tequila!
The age-restoring microbes are ready.
Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber.
[CHEERING]
Yes, everyone do the same thing.
Initiating controlled infection.
[WHIRRING]
[MACHINE COUGHING AND SNEEZING]
ZOIDBERG: 
I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.
[FARNSWORTH GASPS]
Ah, poo! 
We're even younger!
[BEEPING]
Damn! 
The bacteria pigged out on the tar and now they're getting freaky deaky spreading kronatons throughout our systems!
We're getting younger by the minute!
[GASPING]
What? 
I'm gonna revert through all my larval stages?
Word. 
We'll all keep getting younger and younger until we suffer a fate worse than death:
Pre-life! 
Then death.
[BEEPING]
I've got to stop this reverse aging before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth!
Think, you disco duck, think!
What's that squirmal under your shirt?
Oh. 
Get off me, you parasitic lamprey!
Oh, sure, you need all your blood!
[ZOIDBERG MIMICS THE THREE STOOGES]
Would you all chill?
I can't think with you kids cramping my style!
I need a babysitter.
LEELA:
Okay, quiet time.
[CHEERING]
I know, everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story.
Yeah, a story!
I can't see from down here, I can't!
There.
Today's story is from Muteen Magazine.
Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi?
I want to hear a space story!
It's kind of a baby book, but okay. 
Let's see.
"Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs. "
"Charlotte's Tholian Web. " "The Fountain of Aging. "
[GASPS]
The Fountain of Aging? 
Hm.
It is just a legend.
Still, they called the Tooth Fairy a legend, and now he's head of the FBI!
What's up? 
Kids ready?
Yay! 
Professie's back!
Ew. 
You smell like smoking.
And drinking!
I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive.
I wish I could come with you to say goodbye before you all turn back into grownups but I'm grounded for knocking the school over.
Who cares, Leela?
It was just a public school.
Now, go with your friends, please.
No! 
A grounded teenager must be confined to her room!
Until she sneaks out.
BENDER: 
When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel!
According to this, the fountain is located in the darkest most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear Junction.
Teddy Bear Junction, the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.
This solar system is, like, way old!
Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet!
FARNSWORTH:
News flash:
Everything's getting older the closer we get to that ancient, burnt-out sun.
Dude, the Fountain of Aging must be on the sun itself!
Shut up! 
I was gonna say that.
[BABIES CRYING]
We've got to hurry.
The kids have only one change of pants.
We gotta be real, real careful to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again.
[SPLASHING] ZOIDBERG: 
Whee!
Zoidberg, get out of there!
The current!
It's too much already! 
Help!
Jeepers!
- Zoidberg is dead!
ZOIDBERG: 
Zoidberg's brother is dead.
Funny story. 
I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.
He always had to be the center of attention!
Let him go.
Oh, no!
Quick! 
Get them into the fountain!
Thanks for the help, Leela.
Once we're growed up, you can go back to your family.
We'll never bother you again.
Well, you could bother me a little.
It's working! 
Hooray!
I can't hold on!
[SCREAMING]
I'm coming in after you!
No, Leela!
You can't give up your childhood.
You'll never have another chance at it!
[YELLING]
[COUGHING AND GROANING]
We did it!
We're the right ages again!
I think I might be a couple years younger!
Oh, me too!
[GROANING]
FARNSWORTH:
Help!
I'm still in mid-peril, you clods!
He's too far out!
We can't reach him!
With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!
[SQUAWKING]
Pazoozoo!
You came back to me.
Are you back to your original age, professor?
[BEEPING]
Even older! 
Huzzah!
[CRACKING]
I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela.
Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes.
But I worked hard to be the person I am.
- The fabulous person.
- With friends like you guys.
Fabulous friends.
And I'm really happy I have that life back.
And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you?
And that, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom.
Now, bonne nuit.
Bonne nuit to you all.
[BELL RINGING]
Subtitles by SDI Media Group
[ENGLISH SDH]

Futurama [4x09] 
- Futurestock 
- CiWaN
Good thing I noticed that.
Planet Express stockholders.
I present Professor Hubert Farnsworth.
Oh!
There he is!
Take it off!
Where am I?
Move forward! 
Walk into the light!
Oh, God! 
I'm dead! 
Well, no matter.
Thank you all for coming.
I don't recognize any of you, nor can I recall why I am here.
Without further ado...
A film highlighting Planet Express, Inc.'S latest fiscal year.
Planet Express is on the move!
For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today
And today is yesterday!
You heard me.
It was a year of soaring profiits and signifiicant one-Time losses.
Watching myself work makes me hungry.
Help me find food.
I'll not only find it, I'll help you do more to it.
A Bot-Mitzvah!
Shalom, hunger. 
Shalom, free food.
No shellfish!
That is so unfair.
Tell me about it.
So you guys don't believe in Robot-Jesus?
He was built and was well-Programmed, but he wasn't our messiah.
And so, our company flames onwards.
Planet Express: 
Limitless potential, boundless horizons!
The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe!
It's been a terrible year.
The company is on the verge of bankruptcy.
But the movie...
A substantial loss for the company.
The blue pie slice represents the money we earned.
The green slice represents an $8 bank error in our favor.
What about our thousands of shares of stock?
Worthless.
I'll kill you!
I own one share of Planet kajiggers, so I'm entitled to some answers.
Question: 
Why does no one visit me in my home?
Your apartment smells like Polygrip and cat pee!
This is perfect for me!
Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free?
You didn't let me finish!
I was going to say "free food"!
My name's Joe and I'm a defrostee.
Hello, Joe!
When I was frozen, carrots ruled the earth.
But now they don't.
It takes some getting used to.
In the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street.
I had whiskey with Boesky, cookies with Milken.
But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-Itis.
Bone-Itis? 
That's a funny name for a horrible disease.
There was no cure.
One drug company was close...
But I arranged a hostile takeover and sold its assets. 
Made 100 mil.
I froze myself until a cure was found.
And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top, '80s style!
As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I face many challenges.
The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum.
Oh. 
Yeah.
I'm from your time.
Remember that song, "Safety Dance"?
Sure do. 
We can dance
Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun
That dance wasn't that safe.
I tell you, two go-Go '80s Reaganauts like us could rule this world!
Right.
If only someone would give us a shot.
They're scared of us. 
But if you want a job, I could beg my company.
Awesome. 
Awesome to the max!
And finally, the post office meter is for business mail only.
Come on! 
I've got a lot of ransom notes to send!
Enough talk! 
Time for action!
I move that everyone comes over...
To snuggle my cat!
Second.
I move your cat stinks and is ugly!
Second.
I move that we vote on a new CEO and oust this old creep!
And my cat smells good and is pretty.
Second.
Very well. 
I nominate the Professor!
Second!
I'm your man!
I vote my shares for the Professor.
The Professor!
Me!
I nominate that guy.
Because he knows about business and stuff and has a tie.
Shares still count if they were washed, right?
If I know anything about which number is bigger...
Hold on! 
Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the stranger.
You have four times as much stock as the rest of us?
Scruffy believes in this company.
It's a tie. 
In the event of a tie, the Professor, as current CEO, remains...
I demand the floor! 
I may only have one share, but I get to vote too!
And I'm voting against the cat-Hater!
Isn't that right, kitty?
Hey! 
You ate my change!
It's settled. 
The new chief executive officer of Planet Express is...
"That Guy"!
Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun
Please welcome our new chief executive officer, That Guy!
Yeah! 
Woo-Woo-Woo!
There are two kinds of people:
Sheep and sharks.
Anyone who's a sheep is fired.
Who's a sheep?
Excuse me, which one do people like to hug?
Gutsy question. 
You're a shark.
Sharks don't look back...
Because they don't have necks.
Necks are for sheep.
I'm proud to shepherd this herd of sharks...
And I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of...
Package delivery.
Package delivery?
! 
Oh, God!
Fantastic! 
The first order of business, blame everything on the guy before me.
Professor?
I'll ruin you like I did this company!
Terrific. 
Question number one:
What was your overall business plan?
Business plan? 
Yes. 
I keep it here, right next to my heart.
This is no business plan, it's an escape plan.
So long, suckers!
Fry, as a fellow '80s dollar jockey, I'm making you my new vice chairman.
I'm rolling up the corporate ramp!
It's the end!
We're ruined!
What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?
Thank you. 
Come again.
That's what I call a hostile makeover.
Hair gel?
No, thanks. 
I make my own.
We'll shoot straight to the top and stay there, like Cindy Lauper!
I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on earth?
Is it Planet Express, master?
Is this guy a shark or what?
Seriously, we stink.
Here's the big enchirito.
Mom's Friendly Delivery Company.
We can't compete! 
Her company is big and evil. 
We're small and neutral.
Switzerland is small and neutral.
We're Germany, ambitious and misunderstood.
Everyone wants to be like Germany.
Do we have the strength of will?
I say we do! 
Will we let ourselves get beaten by an old lady?
Yes, my liege.
No! 
I speak for the entire board when I issue this challenge to Mom!
Look at my butt!
Woo! 
Woo, woo, woo!
You call that a pressed ham?
Walt, hit the retaliate button!
Let's see...
Any button! 
They all retaliate!
Yeah! 
Hit him, hit him, hit him!
This is the high life!
Watching apes kill each other.
In my day, we had coke parties, but the principle's the same.
Get your stinking trike off me, you damn, dirty ape!
Now that you're my prot? 
G?
It's time I cut you in on the secret to success. 
Any guesses?
Work really hard?
No.
Oh, thank God!
It's all about appearances.
It's time to update our company's image...
And give it the sleek, dazzling veneer of the 1980s!
This company's on the fast track to the It List. 
Kudos!
We haven't made one delivery since you two took over.
Delivery has nothing to do with our business.
Image, people!
Scope out this new ad!
We are all one. 
One mind.
One purpose. 
One act.
Our enemy shall be eaten by scorpions.
And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves.
Ah!
We shall prevail!
Hey, we were watching that!
Terrible!
People won't know what we do.
I don't know what we do. 
Just kidding.
What are we, a bus or something?
Did you approve that awful ad, Fry?
I did
And I'll tell you why.
It grows the brand.
Oh, Lord.
This company's circling the drain!
I'd sell my stock for a sandwich.
Sold!
A complete sandwich!
You got fleeced. 
I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside.
What is this moose drip?
"The New Delivery Kings"? 
I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts!
But they're kings, Mommy.
Jam a bastard in it, you crap!
Ow!
Our private dining room. 
This is where we serve our most successful chumps.
Tonight, that's us.
What's overpriced?
Everything.
Bring me that.
Me too. 
And a glass of water.
Okay, let's work on your execu-Speak.
I'm worried about "blank."
Don't worry.
Let me worry about "blank."
Good. 
I also would have accepted:
"Blank? 
Blank!
You're not looking at the big picture!"
What a pleasant surprise.
Shut up, booger-Blaster!
It's time we all talk.
I'll handle this, Fry. 
You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms.
I'm on it. 
But if you need me, you know where I'll be.
Call me a booger-Blaster!
I'll blast a booger
We're worried about Planet Express.
Don't. 
Let me worry about "blank."
That Guy is a con man, and you've been hypnotized by his bologna!
You've changed, Fry.
What? 
I haven't changed.
Suz, have I changed?
No, Mr. Fry.
Thanks, doll.
I don't care. 
That Guy's turning this place into some kind of business.
This isn't a business!
I thought of it...
As a source of cheap labor.
Like a family.
Right. 
We're not a traditional family like the Murphys...
Or the lesbian coven, but we're a family. 
That Guy understands that.
Everyone's fiired, and we're out of business.
I'm selling Planet Express to Mom.
She'll gut the company, eliminate us.
Don 't let the door hit you on the way out.
I don 't want ass prints on my new door!
Ms. Johnson, please bring in some more chair fuel.
I had no idea the company would be sold! 
I was just an innocent suck-Up!
Leave us alone and let us clear out our lockers.
Yeah. 
Hee-Hee-Hee!
It's so sad!
Where will I go? 
What will I do?
You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7, ma'am.
That'll be fun.
Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me.
Am I a good person?
I don 't know.
I'm a program in the intercom.
I've got to redeem myself!
Somehow, sometime
For some reason, I'll block this takeover!
Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here.
I have more important things to do today than laugh and clap my hands.
Reschedule.
Over here! 
Over here!
Sell 100 soylent beans!
Buy 3000 corn bellies!
200 cans of Whoop-Ass!
Three bags of trash!
Attention. 
The takeover of PlanEx by Mom's Delivery Company...
Will take place in 10 minutes.
I am Jorell, master of scheduling!
Okay. 
We've got the hot tub hot, the wine coolers cool. 
It's Hammer time!
You suck!
By regulation, both companies must approve the takeover.
Planet Express shareholders, please vote.
Great Bonda of Uganda!
We can vote against it!
I'll vote it down like a raise for school teachers!
What the?
Oh, no!
The shares I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control.
Zoidberg owned 51% of the company?
The shares were worthless!
He asked for toilet paper!
And now if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.
Um Ah
The ballot was confusing!
How about a hand re-Count?
Okay. 
Ow!
The takeover of Planet Express is approved!
This stinks!
Madame is outraged!
Security! 
I want that bunch of rowdies out of here!
Wait a minute! 
Hold on!
MomCorp will purchase all shares of Planet Express...
At the current market price, which is...
One hundred seven!
Ow! 
And also it hurt my feelings!
What are you solids griping about?
Your shares are worth $107 apiece.
I'm a millionaire! 
Suddenly I have an opinion about the capital gains tax!
Yeah!
I'm even richer!
I have no shares!
Wait! 
My sandwich! 
Has it also appreciated in value? 
Please!
You didn't refrigerate it, spineless!
You had to drag spines into this!
As vice chairman, I'd like to say a few words.
A time comes for every man that deserts his friends...
When he goes back how it was.
For me, that time is now.
So I ask you, as a friend, stop this deal.
I'm an '80s guy.
Friendship means for $2...
I beat you till you got detached retinas.
The deal will go ahead as...
My bones!
Oh!
Oh, my God! 
His bone-Itis!
I was so busy being an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!
My only regret is...
That I have...
Bone-Itis!
He's dead!
Feed him to the jackals!
Go on with the sale!
I don't think so! 
As vice chairman, I gain voting control of his shares.
Don't be a fool!
I'll be whatever I want to do!
That Guy was the greatest businessman ever.
Before his death, he taught me everything he knew.
But some things I had to learn myself.
I learned money is fine, but what counts is people.
You can't put a price on that.
So I'm giving control of the company to a man of experience...
Professor Hubert Farnsworth!
What? 
I'm awake! 
I'm awake!
Stop doing the right thing, jerk!
Let Mom buy it! 
We want to be rich!
Two out of three doesn't cut it.
You'd rather be rich than work together?
Hell, yeah!
This company was the only place I ever really felt at home.
If being millionaires is more...
It is.
Important, then I'll sell Planet Express, for you.
Millionaires nothing! 
The stock's only worth three kajiggers!
Come on!
It's worth less now than when it was worthless!
It is? 
We're poor no matter what I do! 
The deal is off!
Once again, the conservative sandwich-Heavy portfolio...
Pays off for the hungry investor!
Oh, I'm ruined!
Why? 
Why?
So we're not millionaires.
But we still get to work together.
Shut your fat mouth!
See you guys Monday!

Okay, okay, I'm coming, god dammit!
Sonny?
Hey, Mama. 
Open the door.
My baby, Sonny!
Why didn't you let me know you was coming?
My papers got processed yesterday.
I caught the first bus I could.
Let me look at you.
-Mama, I got your favorite.
-Why, you haven't changed a bit.
Let's get out of the sun, okay?
Carol, come here right now and meet my boy.
I want you to meet my new girl.
You're gonna love her to death.
Here, sit yourself down.
I'm so glad you came home.
You've no idea how crazy things have been here without you.
Old Henry. 
He don't make as much money as he used to.
Not that he ever made much anyway.
And naturally, your poor mama can't work no more.
But Carol, she does pretty good.
Carol, I said get your ass in here right now and meet my boy!
Like I said, she does pretty good now.
But with you to teach her, she'll make a fine deal of money.
Mom, please. 
Just slow down, okay?
Slow down.
Her last old man beat her half to death, left her in the hospital.
I paid the bill, brought her home.
I knew when I saw her that she was gonna make a good one.
I said to myself, "Yes, sir...
"she'll make a fine little partner for Sonny when he gets home.
"These two are gonna make a lot of money together."
Carol, God damn it! 
What're you doing sneaking up on me like that?
Get over here and meet my boy.
Carol Lees, my boy Sonny, the best there ever was.
I know because I trained him myself.
Glad to meet you.
Heard a great deal about you.
Mama talks a lot more than she should.
Come into the kitchen.
I'll fix you something to eat.
Now you go get ready.
You've got a 10:30 date with Troy.
And don't let him have no more half-and-half for $100.
He either pays $200 or he gets it straight.
Same as everybody else.
Damn stupid girl.
She'd give it away if I didn't stay on top of her all the time.
How do you like Carol?
-She's a nice girl.
-She's a moneymaker, too.
You teach her a few things, she's gonna be the best around here.
I'll get your nice, white suit cleaned and pressed.
You'll be right back where you was before you left.
I'm not gonna do that kind of work anymore.
What you talking about?
There's this guy I know.
His father owns a bookstore in Texas City... and I was thinking about going there for a job.
You only just got home. 
You're thinking about leaving again already?
I'll send you money.
Selling books? 
You?
What the hell you know about books?
You ain't never read nothing.
Mama, those days are over.
-I'm too old for that now.
-Old?
You're better-looking than you ever was.
You ain't aged a day since you've been away.
I gave you the best training there was since you was a boy.
You want to throw all that away when you're in the prime of your life?
I won't hear of it.
I'm 26 years old.
I don't want to screw all night anymore.
I don't have the stomach for it.
I gave up my best years so you could have everything you needed.
You listen to your mama.
You could work for your dates.
People still talk about you.
You can make three times the money you used to, for the same amount of time.
And if you work doubles with Carol, you're gonna make $5,000 a week, easy.
Mama, I'm going down to get that job in Texas City, all right?
So just get used to the idea.
I'm sorry, Mama. 
It's just....
I learned there's more to life than hustling tricks.
I wanna find something to do so I don't end up....
End up like what?
So you don't have to end up like me?
Is that what you're trying to say?
I'm sorry, Mama.
You ungrateful son of a bitch!
Go ahead! 
You go try be a square.
But they don't want you either.
You think you're the first one who's ever tried to quit?
Oh, man.
Finish it, damn you. 
Finish it!
I want the Pontiac, Troy.
That's a $5,000 automobile, darling.
I want it for a month till Sonny can buy one for himself.
Just finish it.
And then, we'll talk about it, all right?
You're not listening.
I said I want the Pontiac, Troy.
All right. 
Just finish it.
One of my tricks decided to let you use his car until you get on your feet.
There's $100, too.
You need some clothes.
I know this used to be your room, so I'll move out if you don't want me here.
No, you can stay.
You still need some money until you can earn some.
You want any help?
Do I have to fuck for it?
Yeah.
There's $100 and a new car outside.
I don't think I got it all paid for yet.
It's funny. 
I've never paid for it before.
It's crazy like this.
Come on, Sonny. 
Now, baby.
Patience.
You said you wanted to get what you paid for.
I'm telling you what I want.
I'm afraid your time is up.
But we haven't done anything yet.
A conversation is all you get from me for $100.
Now I know why your mother calls you a natural-born whore.
That's not the reason.
Oh, God.
I'll be gentle.
Boo.
Old thieves never die. 
They just never die.
Damn, boy, where do you get off joining the Army and being gone so long?
Just trying to get away from Mama for a while.
Which is more than I can say you've ever been able to do.
Old Jewel would go out of her mind if she didn't have me to look after her.
Making any money?
I pay my rent and have a drink now and then. 
I don't need much.
That little gal in there any good?
What do you mean? 
She's been living here three months and you don't know?
I don't lie, boy.
Your mama would feed me to the chickens... if she found me messing with one of her girls.
I just like to do a little speculating now and then. 
You know what I mean.
Breakfast is ready.
You two get in here before it gets cold.
All right, hold your horses, woman.
We're coming.
-You hungry?
-Yeah.
Wake up, you fine little outlaw from Arkansas.
Henry Wade, you lecherous old cocksucker.
I told you not to do that anymore.
I'm gonna take it in a little bit right here.
Give it a nice taper through the shoulders and the back.
That's great.
I like a nice tight fit in the back.
Listen, Walter, I figured since I was in here...
I'd ask you if there's any work here available in the store.
I mean, I've got some other options... but I thought I might ask.
I really like this material.
I'll think about it, Sonny.
Time for a career change?
Oh, my God, Sonny?
When did you get in town?
-Mr. 
Phillips, will there be anything else?
-No, that's it.
This will be ready in a couple of days... and I'll wrap up those other items you wanted.
Okay, thank you.
Yeah, I just got back yesterday.
It's been so many years since I've seen you.
Where did you go?
I was in the Army.
Yes, I remember now. 
Somebody told me.
Sonny, what in the world would you wanna go join the Army for?
I don't think you'd understand.
I'm terribly sorry.
Sonny Phillips, this is Catherine Putnam.
Hi. 
Nice to meet you, Catherine.
It's a pleasure.
Sonny is a dear old friend of mine.
-I'm sorry. 
It's Meg.
-How's your husband, Meg?
I traded that old dud in for a new one, since I've seen you.
I met a very nice, quiet little surgeon... who's an absolute dear. 
He really is.
The only trouble is he watches how much money I'm spending too closely.
I'm sure you'll manage.
I see you still have your taste in clothes.
Are you still... working?
No.
I'm just here spending some of my discharge money.
That's a real shame.
What happened? 
Did the Army break you?
Yeah, I guess.
That'll be $432.82.
Can I help you?
Sonny is the young man I was telling you about... who used to spend so much time with me at the lake.
This is an occasion.
Would you have a drink with us?
-Just a drink.
-A drink, right now?
-Just a drink, you dirty youngster, you.
-Come on.
-Catherine's all right, we can talk.
-No doubt about that.
It's tempting.
Your change.
And I'll let you know if anything changes... but I don't foresee any openings in the near future.
Okay, thanks a lot.
Please, just one drink?
-A small drink.
-Come on, be a sport.
I don't know if I can pass this up.
Come on, honey. 
It's so nice to see you.
Baby, I'm so glad you're home.
Henry is in jail.
He called me about an hour ago.
-What's he in jail for?
-Shoplifting.
Why are you getting upset? 
He's been in jail for that more times than I can count.
I know.
I just get so worried sometimes.
Henry's getting too old to be going to jail every week.
He's all I got. 
Anything happens to him, I don't know what I'd do.
All right. 
Did you call the bondsman?
He's gonna meet us down at the jail... as soon as Carol gets back.
Why when Carol gets back?
Sonny, you've been gone over three years.
Things change.
The bondsman knows I got a girl with me.
Henry won't get out till Monday morning... unless Carol comes with us and spends a few minutes with him.
I'm sorry I didn't ask you first about Carol coming with us.
I just kept thinking of poor old Henry laying up in that jail for three days.
That's all right, Mama.
If that's how you've been dealing with it... nothing we can do about it now.
-I love you, Sonny-boy.
-I love you, Mom.
What's the matter?
Shut up, God damn it.
I don't want Sonny to hear.
Hear what?
Henry's in jail.
-So? 
What else is new?
-I want him out tonight.
Call the bondsman, like you always do, and tell him to send a runner for the money.
I'm going to shower. 
It's been a long day.
Now you listen to me, bitch.
You better listen good.
You don't know Sonny like I do.
You spend one night with him, you think he'll do anything for you.
He's that way because I trained him to be that way.
So don't you go getting no fancy ideas... about running off and living happily ever after in Texas City.
Because he don't care a damn thing about you.
You still belong to me, girl.
And you still do as I say.
If you don't...
I'll have you cut and thrown out into the street for the winos.
Sonny won't even notice you're gone.
Do I make myself clear?
What's the matter with you?
I never seen you like this before.
You better hope you never have to see me like this again.
The bondsman says he wants to spend a little time with you tonight... or he won't pull Henry till Monday.
So after we get him out of jail, I want you to take the money to his office... and give him what he wants, you hear?
He's never wanted a date before.
Why does he want one all of a sudden?
Because I told him he could have one, that's why.
You'll wait for me back at the house?
Go on and get Henry.
I'll see you in a couple of hours.
I wanna have me a baby.
Doing this whole thing, you ever see Mama accept you?
I can't afford to be that realistic.
If I look too close in the mirror, I might see me.
I don't think I'm quite ready for that.
Hand me that smoke?
Can I have a light?
Where's everybody at?
Your mama took Carol up to Ponchatoula to work.
She's booked for a week at the Liberty Hotel.
So that just leaves... me and you.
Hell of a lifestyle we've got going here, man.
It's always better at night than it is in the morning.
You know what you got to do, Sonny?
You got to face the fact that this is all there is.
Everybody else seems to be getting what they want without much trouble.
That's because you're looking at it from your side of the fence.
All of them squares out there....
They got just as many problems as you've got.
So you think I should stay, too?
No, I ain't saying that. 
I'm just....
I just want you to understand that if you're going over to the other side... that you're gonna inherit a whole new set of problems.
Staying or going is up to you.
I care for you, boy.
I just don't want you getting into anything... that you can't handle.
I'm not stupid.
I know that.
Jewel taught you a lot.
As long as you're dealing with things you're familiar with.
But getting up in the morning, going to work, raising kids... and joining the PTA... and all them other things you're craving for....
It's a lot different in flesh than it is in your head.
I just don't want to get old and not have anything to show for it.
You and Mama, you're gonna... start thinking you're something ugly to me, and that's not true.
You don't have to start feeling sorry for me.
Ain't never been a moment in my life when I was wishing I was somebody else.
It's me that's feeling the pity, boy.
You think you're gonna get that job down there?
Yeah. 
I don't know.
I got this friend Jesse I was stationed with.
His father owns a bookstore and he said... when I get out, come on down, and he'd get me a job.
Are you sure this kid ain't blowing smoke up your ass?
No, Jesse is a good guy.
He really wants me to come down.
Does he know anything about your background?
Very little.
Good.
Good luck to you. 
I hope you make it.
You don't have any idea how much I hope you make it.
Why?
Maybe I just wanna see if one of us can.
What're you doing? 
Cleaning your carpet?
I didn't think you'd make it.
I need that job.
You went by the shop first?
Yeah, they said there's a new owner.
You wouldn't happen to be in the market for a $50 a week meat bill, would you?
You look pretty happy here.
Come on in the house, I'll buy you a beer.
Come on, Tuck.
So what happened?
It was the fucking bank.
Old man got behind on some debts.
Too proud to tell me, I guess.
By the time I got back, there was nothing I could do.
Not like there was anything I could do, anyhow.
Is there any chance of getting anything back?
Old man's dying of cancer.
Something else he forgets to mention.
By the time I get back to bury him, too late.
It's over.
No. 
It's already gone.
I mean, the house is gone, too.
I had to get a court order to keep living in it, until I find something else.
This is for you.
The Stranger. 
Read it, it's good.
-"Camus." 
-Camus.
Thanks.
What are you....
What's Plan B?
Plan B. I don't know.
Start thinking about re-enlisting, you know?
Ain't no jobs around here.
Shit. 
Jesse, I was hoping you could....
-Fuck it.
-Look, man, come on.
It ain't all rain clouds and gloom, you know.
It ain't.
Listen to this. 
While you're here, I've got these two sisters. 
All right?
-They are good-looking sisters.
-So?
So, I go with one of them, sort of.
And the other one... her older sister.
She has an amazing area.
Love it.
What, like, we'll go out on a date?
Like, a real date?
We're friends, right? 
I can ask you a question because we're friends, right?
Yeah, I'm a friend.
You know, there was some talk... back in the Army.
You never went out and socialized with a lady very often.
And it is none of my business... but if you don't like girls, you know....
No, it ain't that. 
It's just, you know....
I ain't never been out on a real date before.
I don't understand. 
Why not?
It's a long story.
I'm not up for it now.
I guess I'm just worried I wouldn't know how to act.
It's time you learned. 
You just be yourself.
Smile.
We'll go out and have a good time.
Why are you blowing on it? 
It ain't hot.
He blows on the ice cream before he eats it.
Guess I thought it was for a second.
You blew on the ice cream?
-What do you think?
-I liked it.
Good. 
It was all right.
Oh, yeah, rough.
First movie I've seen in a long time.
Birds.
-Cold?
-Yes.
-You think you can give that up?
-I live here!
-Let me take that.
-Thanks.
You think we can navigate those two over to the couch?
Why don't we put on some music?
You're gonna wake up Wendy.
Wait. 
You mean there's three of you here?
-You know we had a kid sister!
-I did not.
That's because you've never been here in the daytime.
That's true.
Why don't you put on some music?
Thanks.
So, what do you do?
Do? 
Do what?
For a living.
All night long we've talked about Jesse's father... or my sister's sex life.
You haven't said six words about yourself.
I don't know what I do.
I came out here looking for a job.
You're a strange man.
Why?
I don't quite know.
You're a funny mix.
Something... real smooth and easy... and kind of awkward, like a little kid.
I'm just going through a transition thing.
I'll get more relaxed as I go.
What are you doing?
Are you making a move on me?
Yeah, I guess.
That's okay, isn't it?
Yeah, that's okay.
I promise that.
Oh, my God!
That was amazing!
You know, you should do that for a living.
I do.
What?
I mean, I used to.
What do you mean, you used to?
You asked me what I did out there.
I used to be a whore.
What do you mean that you used to be a whore?
Only women are whores.
Now you're starting to sound like a man.
Wait a minute.
I thought you were in the Army.
-With Jesse-- 
-I was.
I was. 
This is before the Army.
I don't do it anymore.
I'm through with that world.
I like this world much better.
I do.
You know what?
I have to go to the bathroom.
So stay right here, okay?
I'll be right back.
I just told you that because I wanted to be honest....
What's that?
I have asthma. 
So sometimes I can't sleep.
You think I don't know what this shit is?
No, it's just cough syrup.
You think I haven't seen people with stomach habits?
It's cough syrup!
Fucking Codeine.
How bad are you strung out?
What?
What's the matter with you?
I'm crazy?
Isn't anyone in the world straight anymore?
Stop that!
What're you doing? 
Don't touch my stuff!
Stop it! 
No!
You're spilling my medicine!
Fuck you!
-What's going on, man?
-Your friend's a junkie.
She's not a junkie.
She drinks cough syrup, all right?
-You mean, you knew?
-Yeah, so what?
So what? 
I guzzle beer.
You break shit.
She drinks cough syrup. 
So what?
-It's supposed to be different.
-What's supposed to be different?
You, her, the whole thing is supposed to be different.
-What's going on?
-Just go back to bed.
I want him out of here!
Why? 
Am I unclean?
Am I not clean enough for you? 
Am I sick?
Is that why?
I'm better than all you bullshit squares!
-Get him out of here!
-Then you can go back to your fucking life!
-Go to bed.
-Get him out of here.
You want me out?
Get the fuck away from me!
-I said everything's fine!
-Get away!
Why don't you get the fuck out?
Get the fuck away from me!
You want me out of your house?
You want me out of here?
Will that make you happy?
You want me out? 
All right, you can go back to your fucking life!
Get the fuck away from me!
Cool it.
I'm better than you!
I'm better than all of you!
Fuck you!
You out all night?
Yeah, I tried not to wake you.
Adonis.
You going out again?
Aren't you gonna wear your white suit?
It always looked so good on you.
Why don't you just let me wear what I want to wear?
Not quite like you thought, was it?
I don't wanna talk about it.
I know, baby.
I know, I understand.
You go on about your business... and I'll call around town, see what's going on for you.
I can take care of myself.
Sonny, my baby.
I was so scared I was gonna lose you forever.
I need you.
Ain't got no pension, no nothing.
I just got you.
You're the only thing I got to show for my life.
You're the only good thing that ever happened to me.
I need you. 
You're all I got!
You're gonna wrinkle my shirt.
Tell me you know you're all I got.
-Come on, I gotta go!
-Tell me, damn you!
I know.
Oh, God, Sonny!
Did you make it?
I'm sorry. 
I tried not to... but I guess I'm out of practice.
You mad at me?
Oh, baby, I'm not mad at you.
I couldn't be mad at you.
That's what you're here for.
I just wanted to spend more time.
We are so good together.
I just wanted to please you.
Could you tell that?
-You did it.
-Did I?
-I missed you, lady.
-Did you really?
Yeah, I sure did.
Well, I better get....
Oh, my God!
Do you have to get back pretty soon?
What time is it?
10:00.
Shit!
I gotta pick up Harry at the airport at 11:00.
I have to see you again.
I gotta see you again.
-Where can I get in touch with you?
-I'll give you my number.
I'd do it every week... but you know how it is.
New husband, new rules.
I'll find a way around it somehow, I know I will.
You can call me here anytime.
Just leave me your name... and the number you're at, and when you wanna do it.
Thank you.
You're gonna miss that plane.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
I wasn't thinking about it, I guess.
Oh, baby, I only have $150 in cash.
Can I write you a check?
You know that I can't take a check, Meg.
That's right.
Oh, boy, I certainly can't write a check for this one, either.
Sorry.
It's no big deal.
We're friends, right?
Maybe you can do a little favor for me.
Any of your friends want a date, maybe you can have them call me.
Yeah, I'll do what I can.
I just....
I haven't been around for a while... and I don't really know anyone anymore.
I'll make a call for you.
I gotta get going.
I'll see you, then.
Nothing.
I'll help you all I can, angel.
Thanks, Meg, I could really use it right now.
'Bye.
Yeah, is Mattie Sullivan there?
Tell her it's Sonny Phillips.
Mattie, there's a telephone call for you.
Excuse me.
I'll take it upstairs with my mint julep.
Have a good time, Jimmy?
Mattie, there's never a dull moment in your place.
Come on, baby.
Hello?
I'll be damned.
Jewel said you were back.
About an hour ago.
She said you were working.
Come on! 
You know she's just trying to look after you.
I got one for you right now, if you're available.
No, a road trip.
Dress date.
Gabe, you got a pen?
-Here you go, Sonny.
-Thanks.
Go ahead.
Wait, hold on a minute.
How about I work it as a plainclothesman?
All right.
I'll call Henry.
He'll know where I can get one.
Get out here!
He's coming, baby.
Can't even take a crap in peace anymore.
-What do you want?
-Shut up and come talk to Sonny.
He needs something.
How's it going, boy?
I got a friend of mine that's working nights.
I can probably borrow his.
How was Texas City?
That's all right.
Something better will come along.
Sorry it didn't work out.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure. 
Just come by the house in about an hour... and I'll have it for you, all right?
I'll see you then.
You didn't even give the boy a chance.
Don't worry about it.
He's doing what he's best at.
Yeah, that's right.
Driving himself off a cliff.
Just like you taught him, right?
I hope it fits.
Don't matter, as long as I can get it on.
Remember Albert, the guy who fences my stuff?
He says he can get you on to the Safeway warehouse over on Cooper Street.
Wouldn't pay much to start, but you can work your way up.
Half the people in the Quarter know me as a whore.
No one's gonna give me a straight job.
That's bullshit.
Albert says he can get you on.
I gotta go.
You're 26 years old. 
How much longer do you think you can keep this up?
As long as I have to.
It's a young man's game, Sonny.
Time to change.
You're gonna make me blow the trick.
I'm late anyway.
At least just think about it.
I'm sorry to bother you, ma'am, there's been a report... of a prowler in the area... and I'd really like to come in and check things out, if I may.
I'm sorry, but my husband isn't home right now.
That's okay, it won't take but a minute.
Please...
I think you'd feel a lot better if I come check things out.
Okay, but just for a moment.
Thank you.
So you're here all alone?
Yes, my husband's out of town on business.
Where do you sleep?
Upstairs. 
Why?
I'd like to make sure the bedroom is secure... because this house will take all day to check.
Don't you guys all work in pairs?
Where's the other one?
The other one?
Yeah, my partner, he's checking next door.
So, where's the bedroom?
This way.
This is it.
It doesn't look like he's in here.
Maybe he got away.
All right, lady, you're under arrest.
Please, I don't want to go to jail.
So, you're gonna resist.
I'm gonna have to handcuff you to the cot here.
Please.
Please. 
I'll do anything you ask.
Just don't take me to jail.
-Anything?
-Yes.
Anything you want.
Leave the uniform on.
Oh, God!
The stick.
Use the stick.
This is only $200.
I know.
The price is $300.
$200 is all I'm gonna give you.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
What the hell's the matter with you?
Here I am, a nice young kid, trying to work my way through college.
Fucking sleazy old broads like you.
I can't even get paid for it!
-What about here?
-What are you doing?
-This is probably worth $300.
-No, please!
It's a little heavy.
That should do it.
What am I going to do with a busted TV?
-I said okay.
-I can't hear you. 
What?
How much can I get for these?
All right, I'll pay you!
There, whore.
Take your money and go.
Mind if I go pick up Carol in Ponchatoula?
No, I'll call her. 
Let her know you're coming.
You two are gonna work some doubles together?
Yeah, we'll see what's out there.
I'll call around.
Let people know you're working again.
Thanks, Mama.
How was that trick Mattie gave you?
It was okay. 
Just a straight $300 dress thing.
She got any more?
I'll call and find out.
Thanks, Mama.
Papa Legba, Papa Legba.
Keeper of the crossroads, and guardian of the flame.
I'm trying to get a little one back again.
I know you can help me.
And I do miss her.
-How you doing?
-My man.
I'm all right, it's been a long time.
-Cool.
-How are you?
-I'm fine, man.
-Good.
I'm working again.
Wondering if you had anything for me.
Damn, we hardly ever get any more calls around here for pony rides.
But every once in a while, we get a farmer's wife... that comes here for a grudge fuck.
I don't want any of them mojo women.
They're bad energy.
You get anything good, call me.
You know you get the first crack at any class chicks I get coming through here.
Carol ready?
That's right.
Jewel did call and say you was with her.
Let me call and let her know you're here.
Carol, Sonny's here to pick you up.
Cool, I'll tell him.
Man, she'll be right down.
It was the good old days, wasn't it?
I don't know. 
I was too young to remember.
Hey, baby.
Hey there, mama.
-Hey there, pretty girl.
-How are you?
-Come on, let's get out of here.
-Tally it up, old man.
I'm gonna get home and give my man something nice.
All right.
That looks like a shotgun hole.
It was a long time ago.
Twenty years ago my mama used to work here.
One day this Texas pimp came in, tried to steal her back to Dallas.
She runs to the room and calls my daddy.
My daddy runs through that door with this sawed-off shotgun.
Pimp's sitting right over here.
And my dad lets this load of double-ought buckshot right past his nose.
That pimp was up, out of here.
Never heard from again.
That's the only story my mama ever told me about my daddy.
-What happened to him?
-I don't know.
I never met him. 
He just up and left.
Mama won't talk about him.
I don't even know what he looked like.
Cal, you remember what my daddy looked like?
I remember nothing.
So it goes.
-How was your week?
-Terrible.
Doesn't seem to get any better.
-Why don't you quit?
-And do what?
Troy, who loaned us his car, has been asking me to marry him for over a year.
I keep waiting for something better to happen.
You might be waiting a long time.
I don't know about that.
I kind of like being wooed.
You want to work together?
I don't care what we're doing, as long as I'm with you.
Mama's trying to hook up some doubles for us.
If you want to try it out, we can see how it goes.
That's fine with me.
How was your week?
It was all right.
Thanks, baby.
Wait a minute. 
Hold your fucking horses.
You can't even see them things.
What are you taking so long for?
I know you can't use a 10 of clubs, you old fuck.
Only one way to find out.
Henry, when you're right... you're wrong.
Gin.
I don't know.
That's a double snide, and two 2s.... $40.
We're home, in town.
Sonny, baby!
Here, let me get that.
-You had a good week, honey?
-More or less.
Any calls?
Yeah, things are really jumping.
Meg called for you.
She's gonna call back later today.
Troy's been driving me nuts.
Said you were supposed to see him today.
He can wait. 
I'm going to take a shower.
Probably just wants to ask me to marry him again.
Hey there, old timer.
How are you doing, sweetheart?
Don't you "sweetheart" me, Henry Wade.
You ain't getting off that easy this year.
-What are you talking about?
-You know what I'm talking about.
Tomorrow's my birthday... and you promised you'll take me to Antoine's.
Ain't been there since my glory days, and I want to go this year.
God, I'm sorry, honey. 
I plum forgot.
-Could we just do it next year?
-Fuck that.
I ain't made no money in a while.
Besides that, I hate them goddamn stuck-up places.
What about them three cameras you got out of that car yesterday?
Them was cheap cameras, Jewel.
Albert gave me enough for my room rent and to buy a little something to drink.
You could take me out... if you didn't spend your money guzzling whiskey and gambling.
The only thing you're good at is losing.
You hold on, woman!
We've been through all this before.
I don't say nothing about your ass getting fatter every minute.
You leave my ass out of this!
You don't say nothing about my drinking or the gambling!
You promised we'd eat there and I want to go!
So, you get out there right now, this minute, and steal something.
-It's gonna rain, Jewel.
-I don't give a shit about rain.
I wanna go out on my birthday, and you're gonna take me.
Can you talk some sense into her?
No, I ain't about get into the middle of this.
What are you waiting for?
Move!
All right.
If I take you to a restaurant... will you come and stay the night in my room?
Not in front of my boy.
Not in front of your boy?
He's a grown man, for God's sake.
Besides that, you've had him out selling cock since he was 1 2.
It ain't like we haven't known each other.
I'll think about it.
But you gotta take me eating first.
All right, but remember, you promised.
-See you, Sonny.
-See you later, ranger.
Why don't you just give him some pussy?
Is that any way to talk to your poor old Mama?
Burn, baby, burn.
Here's to Jewel Anne Phillips.
The finest little lady in the state of Louisiana.
You're gonna make me cry.
Been a long time for us, ain't it?
Nearly 30 years... if you count that little bit of time we was together... when you was in the Army.
That long?
Don't you think we ought to tell him?
No, absolutely not.
And, if you ever do, you'll never see me again.
I promise you.
You know you got the prettiest pussy.
Excuse me, madam, but you have to keep your shoes on in the restaurant.
I always take my shoes off when I'm eating.
I've done that since I was a little girl.
I'm sorry, but you're in violation of the State Health Codes.
If you won't put your shoes on, I'll have to ask you to leave.
But the state ain't gonna know I took my shoes off.
I'm sorry, madam... but if you're trying to accustom yourself to eating indoors... using silverware and plates... then you're going to have to learn to wear shoes.
Very well, then. 
I'll get your coat.
You listen to me, mister.
We ain't very sophisticated.
We don't come in these places very often.
But you just insulted my woman, in front of me, on her birthday.
You're gonna trot back out there, and you're gonna apologize to her.
If you don't, or if you call the fucking cops... or your bouncer has us thrown out of here... then I'm gonna be forced to stick a knife in your gut... on your way home from work.
Am I coming through?
Of course, Mr. Wade, whatever you say, sir.
And the shoes stay right where they are.
Remember, your health is in the balance.
Ma'am, I'm sorry.
Sonny, I was beginning to think you weren't coming.
This must be Carol.
Sonny's told me about you.
Welcome to the party.
Let me show you around.
I want you to meet Scott.
I know he's here somewhere.
-You really have a very nice home.
-Oh, yes.
We just had it redecorated last year.
You should've seen it before.
It was really getting to be a mess.
There he is.
I want you to meet Sonny and Carol.
This is the couple I was telling you about.
-You real nice.
-Scott, must you be so vulgar?
They've only just arrived and already you're leering.
-Sorry.
-It's quite all right.
We'll have plenty of time to get acquainted.
Come on, Sonny, let me show you around.
I'll see you next weekend.
-Thank you.
-Good night, Catherine.
Nice party.
Yes, a necessary evil.
Did you enjoy yourself?
It was great.
I don't know what happens next.
You wanna get serious, or what?
Sonny, please.
What do you want?
I didn't mean to....
I mean....
I don't know what I mean.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna fuck your brains out, lady.
I'm sorry. 
It's the beast in me.
That feel good, Daddy?
That's it. 
Give it to me, baby.
-Like that?
-Oh, yes!
Faster!
Gee whiz! 
That's it, baby!
That's it, baby!
-$500, right?
-That's the price, baby.
We'll find our own way out.
Mommy!
Good night.
All right, come on. 
Let's run for it.
Come on!
That was a real winner we got in there.
"Gee whiz, baby.
"You're the best."
He wasn't like that!
Let's go for a drive.
-Yeah? 
Aren't you tired?
-No, are you?
-Not really.
-Let's go for a drive then.
-Where to?
-Anywhere.
The country.
Let's go for a ride in the country.
-ln the rain?
-Sure.
-At least there won't be much traffic.
-All right.
Come on.
You said you wanna walk around in the mud.
I never said anything about getting in with you.
I don't wanna walk alone.
I'll tell you what.
Walk around the car a few times, you'll never notice I'm not walking with you.
Come on!
I ain't getting out there, when I know it's gonna start raining again any second.
This is a $600 suit.
I'll compromise with you.
We can keep the windows down.
We can talk while you walk.
Do I make you happy?
Yeah, sure.
No, I mean really happy.
What's "happy"?
Why don't you tell me what it is that makes me happy.
I'll tell you whether or not you're giving it to me.
I love you.
Shit!
-Get under the tree.
-Here it comes.
Get under there.
Sonny, look.
-So?
-Let's go over there.
No, we'll get soaked.
I promise to keep you occupied while our clothes dry.
God help me for being so weak.
All right.
We'll run for it. 
You ready?
All right, come on.
What's that sound?
I don't know. 
A cat maybe.
Look, she must've just had them.
Carol, dogs get born every day.
I know.
It's just....
Fuck it.
Christ, Carol, it's just dogs.
It's not the dogs, is it?
Don't tease me, Sonny.
I'm human.
I'm just like any other woman.
Sometimes you act like a trick.
You think we don't have any feelings.
I didn't mean it.
Here, let me see that.
Don't touch me!
Carol, you're not even being practical.
What the hell does practical have to do with it?
You tell me one thing that's practical about our lives anyway.
That's exactly my point.
No, our point is that I don't have the right to have a baby.
It's not practical for a whore to do anything but lay down.
I don't want to do this all my life.
What the hell am I working for if I can't have a future?
Carol, look at me.
Look at me. 
What do you see?
Don't you know Jewel wanted the same thing you want right now?
-Don't you see the insanity of it?
-Don't play me, man.
Jewel didn't want you. 
You were a fucking accident and you know it.
I'm sorry, baby.
I didn't mean that. 
I'm sorry.
Come on.
Let's get out of the rain.
Sonny, why don't we square up?
We can get married.
Everybody else seems pretty up and doing it.
We can't just pretend we're like other people. 
We're not.
Then lie to me!
It's what we've been doing all our lives, anyway.
No matter what we do to stop it, we just get better.
Why couldn't we just pretend?
I could make myself believe it. 
I could, baby.
How are we going to know what honesty between two people means?
I don't care about honesty.
I just want to be like everybody else.
Let's go.
Please, Sonny.
Tell me someday it's going to be different.
Please, baby, tell me that one thing.
I need that.
Please, baby, tell me.
Come on. 
Let's go.
I want to talk to you about something.
Yeah, what is it?
Troy asked me to marry him again.
-So?
-I'm going to take him up on it.
Why?
I feel like my life's passing me by.
I've got make some kind of move.
We just started working together.
Things will pick up.
They never will, Sonny.
All we're ever going to get is older, and you know that.
It's like you told me yesterday:
we can't change what we are.
I want to try.
I guess I can't stop you.
We can leave this place, if you want to.
I'll come with you.
Then I got to do what's best for me.
Yeah, I understand.
So no hard feelings?
No. 
I understand what you're doing and why you're doing it.
Baby.
I have to go.
Troy's taking me out to dinner.
Have fun.
I won't.
Congratulations.
I'll see you.
Sure you want to play that?
Gin! 
I beat you, you son of a bitch.
I beat your ass.
Had to happen sometime.
I won, God damn it.
So what?
I won. 
Don't you understand?
Yeah, I understand. 
You won.
Now I have to close up.
Late for dinner.
I don't think you're getting it: 
I won.
Henry, I get it. 
You won.
It's been a long time, okay?
But we'll play again tomorrow.
Aren't you forgetting something here?
Triple schneider and $60.
Swinging.
You know, Henry... when you're right... you're right.
When you're wrong, you're right.
Tonight, you're right.
$60.
Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.
Going to win some of that money back you've been taking from me all these years.
-That's good. 
But I still have to close up.
-Sure.
See you tomorrow, sucker.
You don't have to get personal about it.
I'm not getting personal.
Things are just turning around for me.
I can feel it.
This is Henry's day, Albert.
I still have to close up.
You know, somehow...
I never seem to get myself ready for this.
Ain't nobody ever can.
Henry was a good man, Sonny.
I want you to know that.
Yeah, I know he was, Mama.
He was your father.
What?
Henry... was your father.
I first met Henry about 30 years ago.
I'd just been turned out.
Henry was in the Army, home on leave.
We set up a house down in Galveston.
And I tried to square up but it was hard.
I left him after a while... when he got transferred up north.
Asshole.
Couple of weeks later...
I found out I was pregnant.
Ten years later...
Henry was passing through.
He looked me up and that's when he found out.
Kind of hung around after that.
You didn't tell me, Mama.
He wouldn't let me, baby.
He didn't want you to know that your father was a failure.
We're all failures, Mama.
That's easier to say than to live with.
Sonny baby, please....
You could've told me, Mama.
Sonny? 
What do you want?
I want to talk to Acid Yellow.
Just a minute.
Acid Yellow says it's okay. 
Come on in.
That is, I'll sit here.
I'm looking out across yonder.
And I see those black boys over there looking at my body.
My bosom's heaving out of my corset.
Pumping out of my corset, and all I can think is:
"They can't put a croak on it."
I'm watching those niggers and they're watching my lily-white boobies....
Sonny, my God, sweetheart!
What're you doing here, knocking on my door?
Mark, get Sonny here something sweet to drink.
Oh, God, it's so good to see you....
Because Daddy's gonna suck Sonny's dick!
Excuse me, I haven't been feeling well lately.
I think I got that new bug.
Boy, we certainly are delicious.
Can you give me a date?
Fuck me, man. 
You never worked me before.
I tried to get you to work me, but you....
Sit.
I want some rough trade.
I got a lot of energy.
Sure, honey, I can get you something... but first, tell me why you switched after all these years.
Can you give me a date or can't you?
-What are you going to do for me?
-Fuck you.
There is a gentleman who'll be over in a few minutes.
John's one of Rick's steady tricks.
But I suppose I could let you have him.
Rick hasn't been feeling well lately, either.
I love coca!
Do you know what's expected of you?
Yeah, I know. 
Just show me the room.
Now look, Sonny...
John is a very prominent insurance executive.
A steady customer of mine.
You've got to be fun but kinky.
I know what to do.
Wait in here.
It'll probably just be a minute.
You sure you know what you're doing?
Just shut up and get out of the room.
You do have some energy tonight.
Come in.
I've been a bad boy.
I need to be... punished.
How would you like your punishment?
In any manner that you see fit... master.
Why do you feel like you need to be punished?
Because...
I've been mean to the people who work for me.
Did you know your father?
Why do you want to know that?
Just answer me, you fucking squid.
Did you know your father?
My father's dead.
So is mine.
-I'm sorry.
-It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry.
You sorry motherfucker, that was my best trick!
-Sorry.
-Shut up, bitch!
Cut his face!
Cut his motherfucking face!
You fucking cunt!
How're you feeling?
I heard about Henry.
I'm sorry.
I just came by for a suitcase and some of my things.
Troy's outside.
Came in a cab.
I got to take the Pontiac back.
We're driving it down to Mexico to get married.
Where's Jewel?
In the kitchen.
You're going to be okay?
I need to talk to you, baby.
Sure.
Outside.
-Why?
-Because I don't want her to hear.
Come on.
Get out, Sonny.
-Get out of what?
-You've got to get away from here.
Right now, you've got to get away.
It's my life.
I chose it. 
I'll live it.
It's not your life.
And you didn't choose it.
She chose it for you.
-And she'll drag you down with it.
-I can't leave her now.
-I'm taking care of her.
-Fuck her, man!
Think about yourself for a change.
She's always going to find girls to work for her and you know it.
We could've made it, you and me.
It would've been tough, but we could've made it.
Now you see what I got to settle for?
But I'm going to do it, man.
I'm going to quit now.
Right fucking now!
Even if it means with him.
You got to quit, too. 
Right now.
Don't even go back in the house.
Just run.
I'm taking my shot, Sonny.
I got to go.
Here, wipe your fucking face off.
You got mascara running all over the place.
I'm sorry, Daddy.
What the hell are you doing?

You, get your eyes checked.
Sir, please give me a chance, please, sir.
Yes sir. 
No sir.
Yes sir. 
No sir. 
Yes sir.
Yes sir.
Sorry sir!
Sir, are you all right?
Sir, are you all right?
this cadet school, progress, you've got A.
Chinese, Math and English, you've got E.
Thank you sir!
No, I am sorry sir, I'll try harder.
Who will you thank for your graduation?
and you, sir.
You'd thank yourself.
and you've chosen the right time to join us.
From today onwards, your number 11661.
Yes sir.
Police Station...
Yes.
Serious Crime Bureau.
Thank you sir!
I mean the LPD which is opposite to it.
L.P.D.?
That's Lost Property Department.
Yes sir.
guys from the Traffic Dept.?
Are you in love now?
a boyfriend to me?
I want you to introduce one to me instead!
a nice guy.
He is quite handsome.
He's setting off now.
to deal with?
I am just going for breakfast.
Wait.
I forgot to bring my wallet.
Let me lend you some change.
Good!
Let's Go!
Hung.
Officer Chung.
You caught another criminal, you're great!
I am just lucky!
Fix him and come to join us in the restaurant.
Thank you sir!
Stop bitching, keep on working.
Yes! 
Madam.
Let's play mahjong tomorrow.
I'll introduce a boyfriend to you, okay?
he drives BMW.
negative assets.
Right now, just care about my work.
With love, I believe in fate.
You believe in fate?
Forget it!
That's just a lost property department.
I mean us.
the order of Hong Kong.
It's amazing! 
It's the climax of my life!
Something big has happened.
Freeze!
Be careful, old lady.
Dad, I am fine.
I can make it, you know it.
Madam, what happened?
Something has happened, but I don't know what.
This one seems to fit us.
She's new and green.
Let's give her a try.
Mama-san, no, Madam, come in here?
Be good.
What?
PC11661.
Yes sir.
We've checked your file, you're clean.
You are green.
You need not feed any family.
And no one is feeding you.
You have no brother or sister, no relatives, no friends, and you're not in love.
You don't even have a dog.
to Hong Kong.
You look faithful and quite stupid.
a sense of pity.
We would like you to carry a special duty.
Are you willing to do it?
Sir, may I know the working hour?
Just one day.
Sir, can I be off at nine tonight?
to play mahjong.
just care about playing mahjong?
I was just asking...
No problem.
Our mission is to nail at...
But you don't have to know that much.
You'll be disguised as a waitress, our target persons about their dealing.
On the desk. 
Understand?
I understand!
- Get changed.
- Got it.
- Change it in the car.
- Yes sir.
The bug is right here.
person, understand?
Okay!
Kuen, try the mic, say something.
Testing, testing, Do Re Me...
Okay!
L.K. Fong, wear it.
Okay.
Can you hear me?
Sir, you're right in front of me of course I can hear you.
I don't mean that, I mean this.
Can you hear me?
Yes sir!
When the target appears, on his table.
Where is my gun?
You won't wear a gun.
No problem.
- L.K. Fong!
- Yes!
From now, you're waitress.
Any problem?
Sir, may I help you?
Have you booked a table?
Would you like to smoke?
Yes!
Please follow me.
Kuen!
leather jacket.
black leather jacket.
How many persons?
Two please.
This way please.
please check it.
Let's bid at once.
and lend him 2 hundred million.
When they have no cash...
Can I have the ketchup?
At that time, they have no...
Kuen, get back the ketchup.
All right, I'll leave now.
Bye bye!
Bill please.
- Bill?
- Yes.
All right.
let's call it a day.
Dismissed!
Chuen...
Why didn't you call me?
We've broken up, why should I call you?
I didn't agree to break up with you.
I said broken up, or not, understand?
Thank you.
I'll give you one more chance.
Please let me go.
with this bottle?
Miss, calm down.
Hey, let's have a chat, calm down, okay?
Let me go!
I do believe that you'd hit me with a bottle.
This would not be the first time.
This is the reason I want to break up with you.
Drop the ketchup now...
Freeze!
You're not required to say anything now.
you're a bottle of vinegar, okay?
Get lost, this has nothing to do with you.
I don't want to see you again.
She is messing up my place.
Give me back the ketchup.
You bitch, you're such a pain in the ass!
Let's go outside and check it out.
What are you doing?
How dare you assault me?
Do you know you'll go to jail?
- Let's go.
- Hands off.
- Let's go.
- Hands off.
Let me go. 
Let me go!
How dare you assault me!
I'll fight with you!
Let me go...
Oh shit! 
Is my face hurt?
It's fine, you're the prettiest.
Really?
Excuse me, what's your name?
L.K. Fong, sir.
What is this?
What? 
What did you say?
What is this?
This is my hearing aid. 
I am deaf.
When I was small, my grandmother slapped me, then I became deaf.
I am very very sorry.
Come on!
that's all.
Take it for an X-ray check with your brain.
I don't want your dirty money.
What?
All right. 
I am sorry.
Bye bye!
- Mister Hoi, 
- Let's go.
Okay.
I'll come for you tomorrow.
Are you kidding?
- Chuen.
- What?
Why do you always place your hand on your chest and look around?
My nipple was bitten by a mosquito, my friends will see me, it's embarrassing.
you know?
Yes.
Mister Hoi, Mr. Yau is here.
- Mickey.
- Hello, Hoi.
What's up?
Long time no see, you look great!
You look good too.
- Come on, take a seat.
- Thank you.
What brings you to me?
had time for a chat, so I come by myself.
Are you bringing me anything good?
You've come back from college for three years.
finance market.
I think you are a genius in making money.
You've made a fortune, haven't you?
sophistication counts.
Just like you, Mickey.
You are so popular with girls.
If you want to have my girls, go ahead, let's make a fortune together.
then take them public.
This is a great idea and I'm doing you a favor.
Taking the company public? 
That's a good idea.
You know, I always do what's all the go.
Anyway, we will make money together.
I don't want your dirty money.
Are you teasing me?
Silly. 
Sorry.
You think I am silly?
No, I didn't mean that.
I didn't mean it, I am sorry.
Boss, it's time to attend the ball.
Damn it, you're in my way.
Boy, you're high profile... watch yourself.
Watch your back.
Bye bye!
Sir, should we do something?
What should be done?
then a good rest.
will this mission be the target person.
Serving the public is my desire, sir.
Good! 
I wish you to grant me a medal, sir.
No problem.
I want a 4000 feet apartment on the Peak, sir.
- But...
- And, tax free for life, and publish an autobiography for me to encourage the young people, sir!
Do you want to take over my post too?
No, sir, I'll try my best, step by step.
For this case, you may not be willing to do it.
This is an order!
Yes, sir! 
How about my requests?
Dismissed!
Kuen, can you hear me?
Sure! 
I'm not talking to the wind.
Kuen, you can make it.
It's all right. 
Hey, can you tell me a joke?
Why should I tell you a joke?
Just to relax!
Sorry, I don't know any joke.
Just concentrate.
All right.
Open the door!
I'm off, give me a ride, okay?
What's the matter?
I'm off, take me home, okay?
The target person hasn't arrived yet.
in bad guys' words?
You can take a bus home.
Open the door...
Kuen, what are you doing?
Move back.
All right.
Why do you come for me?
to thank you for what happened yesterday.
You're very nice, but I can't dinner with you.
Kuen, you must go.
What are we going to eat?
Let's go.
What would you like?
Noodle with fish ball, please.
This is an Italian Restaurant.
with fish ball then.
Please reconsider.
Thank you, Mr. Au.
Well Mr. Au, what'd you like to order?
added with steak sauce.
And iced tea with a quarter coffee please.
All right. 
Thank you, Mr. Au.
You're really powerful.
No, I am a share holder of this restaurant.
This is for you, the latest hearing aid.
If there is any problem, here's the receipt.
It's life long guaranteed.
Kuen, how much is it?
Twenty eight thousand and something!
How long have you been a waitress?
Two days.
I worked in other places before.
Kuen, I think he wants to court you.
Let him court you, flatter him, seduce him!
Why do you want to know so much about me?
I should tell you, I have a boyfriend, so don't try anything stupid.
Boyfriend?
Boyfriend?
My boyfriend loves me very much.
So I'm loyal to him.
We're just having dinner.
After dinner, we'll go our own ways.
just ignore me.
I just like you as friend.
It's great!
So, let's eat.
How did you meet your boyfriend?
you broke up with him 6 months ago.
Kuen, show your interest in him.
Flatter him, seduce him.
Cut the crap, why not ask him to dine with us?
Okay.
Hi, Hung.
Speaking.
Yes, guess where I am having dinner now?
That's why I love you, you guessed it correct.
Come to join me now. 
Bye.
I hope your boyfriend won't misunderstand me.
of your questions.
All right.
Kuen, my dear.
Hung, let me introduce to you, this is...
Hoi Man Au.
- Kuen, darling.
- What?
Have you decided yet?
What is it?
To be a hooker?
Hooker!
I've told you many times.
If you don't do it, how can I pay the debt?
How can I have money to gamble?
Although you're deaf, you can read my lips.
Hung, what do you do?
I used to be a gigolo.
It is a tiring job. 
You know,
I want to retire and travel round the world.
Now, I am an Adonis, I live on women.
All her savings have gone to me.
So I want her to be a hooker.
She tries her best to pay off my debt.
and she also be a delivery girl at night.
She gets up at 4 to deliver newspaper, she's three hours to sleep.
So why not lie down and make some money?
Kuen is my friend.
So what?
I won't let my friend be a whore.
I'll lend you money to pay your debt.
Good. 
And you can run a small business too.
How much do you want?
Two million!
That's quite a lot of money.
I know she isn't worth this much.
No... we'll catch cold.
Two million?
Yes.
Once you have my money, treat Kuen better.
forget about me.
Now I go whoring!
on making friends.
money for a whore!
Kid, you want to live on a woman?
talk to you. 
Come in.
Don't hit my head.
No!
Where do you live?
Tse wan-shan Police hostels.
I mean the building opposite to it.
Let me give you a ride.
All right.
Bye bye!
Come to me if you need help.
All right.
Bye bye!
Which floor do you live?
None of your business.
The code is 1234.
- Bye bye!
- Bye bye!
Thank you.
- Don't you live in flat 3B?
- Yes...
- How come you are so late?
- Yes...
Let's go.
Calling console, it's shit! 
It's 3B.
Sir, what's matter?
Sir, what's matter?
Come in now.
The police is now repossessing your flat.
You can't earn all money.
time with family.
I know, daddy.
How is your love life?
Met any nice girls lately?
Nice girls?
I think all the girls
I meet have motives.
They don't really like me.
I met a girl lately, she is quite cute.
Is she pretty?
She is nice.
What does she do?
She is a waitress.
Do you want to have an affair with her?
No, I just think she is cute.
from legitimate business for his family.
It's rumored that close with him.
clean and dirty money together.
Lolita, Man's ex-girlfriend.
She is Mickey Yau's cousin.
I think they're faking their break up to mislead us.
in a garage.
Just one word, he is a bad guy.
L.K. Fong.
Yes sir.
Someone is here to see you.
Who is it?
Madam Cha, the Deputy Commander.
Attention!
L.K. Fong, I heard that you're working hard for this mission.
Yes madam.
Heroes' biggest foes are always beauties.
have different views.
But women may sometimes achieve better than men, just like you.
Madam, you're great. 
Thank you!
you need the force.
Yes madam.
you'll get 100% support.
The code name of the mission is...
Eagle Hunting.
Well, it's a bit common, isn't it?
Yes, madam.
So, name it...
"Spanner".
Good, we'll name it "Spanner".
Attention!
Here!
It's weird that you're having a house suddenly?
Just don't ask, move, okay?
It's pretty.
It's confidential.
L.K. Fong is just a waitress, why is her house so pretty?
Sir, this is ordered by L.K. Fong.
Hung, thank you.
The house is now equipped with what we need.
except the toilet.
The house is now covered from different angles.
The smallest camera is as small as a needle.
How about the biggest one?
It's just like a video camera.
That's so advanced!
The most advanced product is this one.
This is a handy wireless video camera.
You can hold this pot and get close to the target person.
So we can get his close-up easily.
this massage chair.
It looks great.
This is a lie detector.
Hung.
Yes sir.
When the target connects with the chair, telling the truth or not.
Let's take a look.
a control room.
Come and sit down.
Let's try.
Hung.
Yes sir.
Are you a gay?
No.
When the light is red, he is telling truth.
When the light is green, he is telling lies.
Hung, say you're not a men.
You're not a man.
You lied.
It's wonderful! 
Let me try.
Hung, do you have a girlfriend?
We've just broken up.
When did you start your first love?
Twenty six.
How many girlfriends have you had before?
Another question. 
What color do you like?
Yellow.
Are you from a single-parent family?
secrets of our colleagues.
Kuen, come here.
We're leaving now.
Who are you?
Your honey?
Officer Chung of the Serious Crime Bureau.
Attention!
PC2046, sir.
PC75354, sir.
Tell me why they are here!
Sir, they help me to move in.
Do they know about the mission?
No, sir.
What are you holding?
we've just read it.
introduction of the target...
Stop bothering me! 
It's amazing.
But the budget is a bit tight.
Sir, I worry about you.
You're a spy, you're really great!
That's right!
Who allowed you to read the file?
It was on the desk, so we read it.
guard the reservoir.
Really?
Yes.
It's good, we don't need to patrol.
If we have time, we can go fishing.
Thank Officer Chung.
Thank you sir.
Attention! 
Pack up and leave in 5 minutes.
Yes sir.
You can tell him to come here.
and it's almost finished.
Got it.
I ordered some food.
Who are you looking for?
I am here to visit L.K. Fong.
Girl, here is a guest for you.
Dad, this is Mr. Hoi Man Au.
I called them to help me clean up my house.
Yes, Mr. Au, come in.
Lone, Ming, come here.
My two brothers, Lone and Ming.
Nice to meet you.
Uncle!
Daddy!
Good kids...
They are...
My name is Charlene.
My name is Gillian.
We are her brothers, we are twins.
Twins!
Brother... 
My sons.
Daughter...
Friends...
My assistant.
My boss.
How about that pretty girl?
I am...
My girlfriend. 
My sister.
like his sister.
I love taking care of girls.
Yes, I love taking care of all girls.
Why are you here?
I come here to... use the toilet.
That's it?
He wants to borrow money too.
I have no money for you, you either, go now.
- Go!
- That's right.
Go!
All right, I'm leaving now.
- Hurry up!
- Go.
What a shame! 
Let me show you to the door.
It's not necessary.
Sure I have to, come on.
Don't hit my penis. 
No...
Please... 
It hurts...
Why are you suddenly so upset?
We are hungry.
Daddy, let's give little sisiter a privacy.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Dear friends, it's time to leave.
Kuen, stay with your friend.
Remember to wear your hearing aid.
Yes daddy!
Do you earn a lot of tips?
What?
such a big house?
May I take your order, Mr. Au?
I am not a bad guy.
It's hard to tell, pal.
you've got bodyguard.
Your girl wanted to hurt you with a bottle.
is a bit hot-tempered.
What trouble do you have?
My daddy was a triad kingpin.
That's horrible.
Don't panic, he's retired.
A retired kingpin!
management for 10 years.
That's shit! 
You're so smart!
I think the triad's world would have a turmoil soon.
Anyway, I am an honest businessman.
Do you want a massage?
- Massage?
- Yes.
Let me ask you...
Don't be that straight forward.
What's the answer of 1 plus 1?
- What?
- Answer me.
- Two.
- Truth.
"Children's Corner"?
I don't know.
It's Debussy.
Do you want to woo me?
No.
Lie.
You lied.
I want to make friends with you, and to know you more.
Truth.
enough fun, please leave.
No! 
I am really serious to look for a better half.
Really?
You don't have to ask him questions about love.
Yes, it's true, he really wants to marry you.
Are you all right?
Why do you like me?
You are nice.
How do you know it?
Kuen, this part is almost done.
Ask him whether he is a triad or not.
Are you a triad?
This is my last time to answer, never ask me again, okay?
Don't trick me, is that right?
I am not a triad.
It's shit, we've met a great liar.
Marriage is the natural destination of a woman.
If he really proposes to you, situation and plan.
Then consider of marrying him or not.
I worry that I would like to marry him.
That's not a problem.
I am now investigating him.
behind bars, what should I do?
There is nothing contradictory.
In America, there was a female FBI agent, she married a triad.
They married and had kids, to sue him.
She arrested him then.
There won't be a problem.
What's next?
The agent took all his wealth.
to kill herself in the psychiatric hospital.
She didn't die, but became a vegetable.
What should I do then?
of which all undercover must face.
all screwed up... she is willing to tell it, this is the normal reaction.
Thank you.
Take a seat.
Damn it.
Do you have anything to tell me?
No.
You were beaten.
It's peanut.
This is nothing strange for a police officer.
Damn it.
want to reveal his own feelings.
I worry about him.
by a month.
Transfer Hung Chow to cover the office work.
Yes madam.
It's serious, you need an operation.
Are you kidding me?
You mean an operation?
How much is it?
Don't worry, Mr. Au is a celebrity, we will charge less.
That has nothing to do with celebrity.
Are you going to cheat me?
Kuen...
There is a medicine for your ear, you may try.
Kuen...
Where do you want to go?
They seem to be in love.
I think they are in love!
Drop your case in a proper place first.
No one will grab your stuff.
Mister Hoi has a deal today.
Chuen.
I'm sorry, I'll be right back.
Kuen, get ready to make the arrest.
Do you want an inspection?
Yes, thanks!
Thank you.
Where is Kuen?
Kuen.
Kuen, come here.
was out of order.
That model is out of stock in Hong Kong.
factory for you.
Mr. Hoi really loves you so much.
Where is your hearing aid?
I am trying not get addicted to it.
is really great.
drops of medicine.
I can hear my neighbour chatting in midnight.
Let's celebrate.
Someone is watching us.
Someone is watching us here?
Yes.
Can you make a cup of coffee for me please.
Over there.
Go... 
All right.
What the hell is it?
Yes!
What's the matter with you?
Let me tell you a secret.
What?
Don't tell anyone.
What is it?
I've got a tattoo.
Tattoo? 
What is it?
Do you want to take a look?
Yes... 
let's go.
It's pretty.
Is it cool?
It's cool! 
When did you have it done?
When I was studying in the States.
May I touch it?
Sure.
It's real.
Kuen, you're great.
I am free tomorrow.
May I take you out for some fun?
- Bye bye!
- Bye bye!
You look pretty tonight.
This cost me one month's salary.
I am making you look good, you know that?
My dad will be very happy to see you.
Your father?
Yes.
My dad.
God-father?
Don't worry, he is a kind man.
Miss Fong.
Thank you.
Come on.
Dad.
L.K. Fong.
Godfather, nice to meet you.
May I dance with you?
Music.
I am sorry.
Never mind.
I am sorry, Godfather.
Just call me uncle.
All right.
I am sorry, Uncle Godfather.
It's okay...
I am sorry!
I am sorry.
Sir, do you still feel itchy?
I said I don't feel itchy.
This is Officer Chung.
Dad.
Kuen.
Mr. Fong, I've got your daughter here.
Who are you?
This is Au Yiu-san.
Au Yiu-san?
The Triad kingpin?
Today is a family day.
Would you like to join us at the China Club?
I have something to discuss with you.
If you hurt Kuen,
I'll kill you.
If you don't come over now,
I will never let her go, I swear.
Hello...
Sir, do you still feel itchy?
I said no.
Thank you.
This is my cousin.
How are you?
What? 
Kuen is in danger?
I'll be right there.
Is Kuen all right?
Shit!
Driver, stop ahead.
you can't get off there.
Damn it! 
We are the police.
Now, we want to use your minibus.
Get off.
Tracy, Lone, stand by me.
Lone, take a shield and cover my back.
Don't fire without my order.
Sir, how about me?
You can wait in the car.
Go... 
Go.
Go...
Which channel is it?
Does your father know where to go?
Why hasn't he arrived yet?
Where is he going?
He's coming to see me.
I want to go to the toilet.
Go... 
Go.
Go...
This is Officer Chung.
This is Kuen, where are you?
I am now on the way to save you.
Kuen, where are you now?
where are you?
I am at the front door.
I see! 
I am scared to death.
I am sorry.
and leave silently.
Yes sir.
Uncle Fong, why are you here?
He's lost his way.
no meeting on Sunday.
I am sorry!
so I want him to keep me company.
Coincidently, I met Kuen.
What is this?
A gift.
I bought it in the Philippines.
It's a fruit basket.
You're so nice.
We are a family, right?
That's right...
I'm so glad to see my son's in-laws.
In-law...
In-law...
Shit.
Let me introduce to you...
This is the head of the Pakpo Hall.
Nice to meet you.
This is Mr. Tang, a JP in the New Territories.
This is from the IT City.
Freeze!
Honey, have you finished the war game?
Put away your toy gun.
Let me introduce Mr. Au to you.
This is Mr. Au.
Mr. Au...
Good, you're nice... 
Good kid...
Cheers!
Police!
Police!
Are you a police?
My son is a police, don't you welcome police?
No! 
We are friends anyway.
Let's dance.
We don't like dancing.
How about singing?
All right...
Come and sing.
Your father loves you so much.
He is my idol.
I would do anything he asks, including kill.
If he wants you to kill me, will you do that?
Nuts!
you save first?
What do you think?
Today is Mr. Hoi's birthday.
This song is for Hoi and his girlfriend.
Great!
Is today your birthday?
Why didn't you tell me earlier?
What's up?
I'll tell you later.
Do you know woodwork? 
lsn't it funny?
I started from zero to a finished product, it'll bring me satisfaction.
You already have a big company.
selling the companies.
It's different.
Mister Hoi, are you free on Friday?
I am not free on Friday.
I just send my regards to your father.
Bye.
What are you doing on Friday?
Celebrating a birthday.
It's your birthday again?
It's your birthday.
have you forgotten that?
That's right.
Where are you taking me?
Europe.
Europe? 
How long shall we stay?
Three months.
It's cold.
So wear a scarf.
What're you doing here?
Nothing. 
Hoi has a meeting today.
I am free, so I come back for a chat.
What's wrong with you?
Who do you knit it for?
so I want to act better.
contribute something.
It's rather cheap.
Kuen, are you in love with Hoi?
Nuts!
You're lying.
Don't be that mean!
I am just making a living.
You moron.
Kuen, do you love me?
Yes.
This machine is working, we can go on.
Are you in love with Hoi?
I don't love him.
Follow me.
All right.
I, L.K. Fong.
I, L.K. Fong.
Love Hoi-man Au.
Love Hoi-man Au.
policewoman to take your place.
From now on, she'll take over your job.
Why?
Our senior have made a careful study.
emotion into this mission.
It'll affect its progress.
You have to break up with the target.
Break up with him? 
So, what about me?
You can't just defend your own affair, you have to defend the peace of Hong Kong.
If I can't even defend my own affair,
How can I defend the peace of Hong Kong?
the oath you made at your graduation?
I will try my best, honest to carry out my duty.
There seems to be something wrong with you.
It's too quick.
Chuen, slow down please.
This is a highway, sir.
This is a highway, how can we slow down?
I meant we're going too fast.
that it would go that fast.
I am not going.
Kuen, what's up? 
Are you fooling me?
Don't ask me.
Kuen, did I do anything wrong?
I hate castles, I am afraid of ghosts.
let's live in a hotel, okay?
want to meet any terrorists.
Then let's take a ship.
Well, let's go to Cheung Chau instead.
Smile for me, okay?
I don't love you, I want to break up with you.
I want to break up with you.
You are trying to fool him, aren't you?
Kuen, did someone force you to do so?
Have you met your ex-boyfriend again?
There is a big gap between us.
Just take it as a dream.
What problem do I have?
Of course you have problems.
You want to take your breakfast in a castle, it's stupid!
You look down upon the lower class like me.
I tell you, it feels painful to stay with you.
I am tired of staying with you.
If you want me to be a lady of the upper class,
I prefer being a hooker.
if you become a hooker.
That's none of your business.
Chuen.
Kuen, what is going on?
I hate you speaking in English to me.
You know English, French and German, but you can't speak Cantonese well.
a sense of belonging?
I promise, I'll try hard.
with a cork in your mouth, did you ever try?
Do you care about what I said?
I want to learn Cantonese from you... during our vacation in Europe.
Kuen, plan B, ready.
A present for breaking up.
Kuen.
Do you still want to go to Europe?
Master, just forget about her.
I'll find a model for you to spend a lustful vacation.
Leave her alone.
Phone number enquiry?
Yes or no?
No.
Kuen!
stab you with a bottle.
Kuen, let's talk.
I tell you, if you see me again, just walk away.
Call an ambulance for me then.
The number you want is 999.
Kuen, just cry out loud if you want.
Sir, I am all right.
I understand your feeling.
Kuen, your friends have come, look.
Kuen.
It's a pity to lose a chance to go to Europe.
Don't cry! 
If you cry, I'll cry too.
Kuen, here is your medal.
Can you introduce some men to me?
No.
Thank you.
The SDU has accepted my application.
Is that true?
I am waiting for their answer.
I'm okay as long as I take my medicine on time.
Work hard.
The police force needs me.
The police force needs me.
You need me too.
Come on.
I've taken a pill, I feel better now.
There is a bug in the gift you sent to Hoi.
We are still watching Au Hoi-man.
Give me your surveillance report.
Collect the stuff from the reporting room.
Yes Madame.
Wool hat, goggles, belt.
Sir, I am here to report a missing person.
Show me your l.D. card.
One bag of gold fish, there are eight in total.
What's this about?
My friend is missing.
What's the name.
L.K. Fong.
How many days has she been missing?
13 days.
I've brought her picture with me.
Where was she seen the last time?
At the car park under the Tin Kau Bridge.
What was she wearing?
A white coat and black sports shoes.
Freeze!
What crime did you commit?
- A criminal escaped!
- Stop!
- Freeze!
- Stop!
Kuen?
Yes.
What crime did you commit?
Whoring.
Uniform attraction, you know?
So you're a hooker.
Stop it! 
I'll sue you for libel.
What did you say?
Sex workers are not illegal.
Shut up! 
Do you want to play tricks?
I want to pay her bail.
You'd better leave! 
Go!
department please.
I went out from there.
by your ex-boyfriend?
Come on!
This has nothing to do with forcing.
he had contributed something.
So I just wanted to help him once.
Being a whore is not a big deal.
Righteousness counts, you know?
Sir, let's go.
Why are you willing to help him?
You won't understand the common people.
Give way please.
Master... 
Stop...
Freeze!
What's wrong with you?
Luckily it's not disclosed.
The "Spanner Mission" has gone over budget.
suspended temporarily.
a police officer?
It's love that matter, just go with your heart.
he needs special attention.
interfere in your love life.
But you can't disclose your real identity.
How can I do it without exposing myself?
Ask a psychiatrist to help you.
you what to say.
target isn't stable.
He may go insane.
You must follow the instructions.
Yes Madame.
You cannot have any body contact.
You have ten minutes.
Hoi, I did have a bad childhood.
I abuse myself, so I go whoring.
I want to punish myself.
I am sorry, thank you for taking care of me.
I appreciated what you did.
I have nothing to say.
But I have something to say.
I have an abusive childhood.
My dad is my adopted father.
Since I was a kid I have always been lonely.
So I am very defensive.
And, I only cared about money and fame.
for others' feeling.
You care about me.
I am different.
I pity you for your deafness.
I feel sorry that you were forced to whore.
You are like Cinderella.
I want you to be my princess.
A fairy tale.
But you've changed me instead.
to be in love.
yourself for your boyfriend.
I hope you have a happy life with him.
He may be lying.
Kuen, he, may be, not loves you anymore.
I shouldn't interfere in your choice.
As long as you're happy.
If you need help,
I hope you'd remember me.
Kuen, he's been totally disappointed in you.
Let's split up.
Let's start all over again!
Let's get married.
About your boyfriend, I'll fix it.
illegal immigrant.
Now he is going to be sent back to Harbin.
Anything else do you want to say?
Kuen, I am sorry, I've got to go now.
See you.
I want to be with her forever.
I'll leave her to you then.
I wish you good luck and happiness.
- Let's go.
- Bye!
Go.
Uncle. 
Good girl.
Hello, Mr. Fong.
We are adults, why not be honest?
All right.
I am sorry.
This is Officer Chung.
Now I am in a meeting.
I am sorry.
Your daughter is named Fong.
Why do you call yourself Officer Chung?
Well, Officer Chung is my name.
Fong is my surname.
My name is Officer Chung Fong.
I see.
How do I spell the word Officer?
Officer? 
That is O-f-f-i-s-e-r.
I see!
Offiser is your name.
Yes...
It is spelt differently from the word officer.
Where were we?
Be honest.
Yes, be honest.
One, two, three.
So pretty!
Do you like it?
I'd be happier if this were a motorbike.
just flatter me, okay?
But, among the girls I've known, cheat to me.
This is your character, I like it.
About the dowry, let's make it eight...
All right, I'll give you eight million.
don't give us that much.
Just eight thousand would do.
Should a couple be honest with each other?
What do you think?
I have something to tell you.
Go ahead.
I have a special identity.
In fact, I am...
Protect Mr. Au.
Go, go, go...
Go, go, go...
Phone number enquiry?
Go...
Kuen!
Watch out, I'll protect you.
Go...
What's up?
Take care of the kids.
This way, hurry.
Be careful!
Here.
Go...
Go...
Oh, poor thing!
Go!
Go...
Go...
It's dangerous.
Is he okay?
Hurry up.
Go...
Dad.
Is he all right?
Check whether he was shot or not.
Yes.
Sir, he's not shot.
broken and his shoulder is dislocated.
His knee cap and his legs were broken.
Don't worry, he will get well soon.
I am sorry, are you scared?
Dad, I think we may have to delay the wedding.
Yes, let's change the invitation cards.
No way.
We can't show the enemy that we are scared.
I don't want him to think we're nothing.
The wedding will be held as scheduled.
Chuen, you've watched Hoi's growth.
You will host the wedding.
Thank you, sir.
Excuse me.
Kuen, can you come out for a while?
the mission will go on.
Excuse me, I've to leave now.
Should we check it again?
Investigation?
No more investigation is needed.
it's got to be him.
He would feel glorious to kill Au Yiu-san.
I think he won't stop now.
We need to act before he does.
You're right.
Hoi, your father has raised you all your life.
We won't force anyone to do anything.
You'll make your own decision.
Stop hesitating, just kill him.
All right, I'll go.
Kuen, this is serious.
I know.
I am glad you do.
Our satellite bug was out of order yesterday.
Tell me what Hoi and his family said last night.
They just talked about the taxi business.
spending their money in Shenzhen.
That's it?
Yes, they just talked about the news.
And something about Hong Kong people in China.
Report if you hear anything new.
Of course...
Hoi, where are you now?
Speaking.
I have something to ask you.
You're wasting my time, what do you want?
How can you stop a man from leaving?
Are you kidding me, Kuen?
I've never experienced that from a woman.
Haven't you tried that?
As from the old Chinese saying, only one word counts.
That's sex.
Want some wine?
Okay, I'll get it.
Don't you want any wine?
Drink it...
Let's get drunk, come on.
You've woken up.
Where is Hoi?
You don't need to be sure about it.
In eight hours, you'll be in Taiwan.
Who is going to Taiwan?
Mister Hoi has arranged everything.
Go back to sleep.
Drop me off ahead.
Is Hoi going to kill Mickey?
How do you know?
When will he act?
I don't know.
Where will he act?
I am sorry, I didn't ask.
You are so stupid!
You know nothing!
How can you be a bodyguard?
Why didn't you go with him or stop him?
I tried, but I couldn't stop him.
If something goes wrong, what should we do?
Mister Hoi is smart and calm.
He won't miss it.
It's illegal to kill.
kill a bad guy.
It's a crime, but he will not get in trouble.
Anyway, it's wrong to kill.
social ethics.
Let's talk about it later, okay?
Do you know what "Big bastard" is?
Do you want to be a big bastard?
Get Hoi back to me now.
Yes, got it.
You...
Officer Chung, Hoi is missing.
He is going to kill Mickey.
When will he act?
I don't know.
Where will he act?
I didn't ask.
How can you be his girlfriend?
You're so stupid, you know nothing.
Au Hoi-man is now going to kill Mickey Yau.
It will be a total mess.
Lone, call emergency now.
the target person.
Yes. 
Ming, contact the traffic department.
Close all routes.
We don't have that authority.
Why not?
Well, then close any exit of the MTR in Tsim sha-tsui then.
Who has the key?
Me.
You forgot to clean it.
Tested positive for human blood.
I got a feeling that the DNA will be a match to Del.
How about you?
When you were cleaning up, you missed a button.
It was an accident.
I swear.
We had a deer come to.
It happens.
Del tried to restrain it, but he forgot that the deer had a weapon.
The deer was carrying?
Yeah. 
Ten points.
Del, I'm gonna pop some holes in here.
Del gets cut, and he's worried about rabies or-or deer worm or something.
He grabs the nozzle to clean the wound.
Seemed to make sense.
Oh, God!
It got stuck with the nozzle on.
Air's blowing in his body, his body's popping off his muscles.
And I yank the thing out, and he's dead.
He was my friend, but I got a... a business.
I can't have dead bodies lying around.
And, uh, it was...
It was out of season.
I think poaching is probably the least of your problems right now.
Yeah.
DNA confirms that the blood on the money as well as the stall door was Tom Finnerty's.
And I went through the ID logs from all of the Palermo's ATMs.
At 12:53 a.m., our bloody hundred was spit out from Tom's account.
That was right before he got on the tram.
Hold on a second.
All right.
Print came back to an Allen Krick.
Why do I know that guy?
Because I talked to him.
He was in the next tram car.
Krick is in the wind.
The address he gave is bogus.
We're checking the hotels now.
I found an interesting connection between Krick and Jimmy Finnerty.
They were partners in crime.
They were busted in a chop shop scam in Tahoe in '07.
Krick got two to five, Jimmy got the hell out of town.
Took the money and ran.
Of course he couldn't stay out of trouble.
When did Krick get out?
He was paroled from NCC five days ago.
Thank you.
I'm sorry, but NCC?
What...?
It's the correctional facility in Carson city.
Okay.
Which is exactly where his day started out yesterday.
We were able to obtain krick's phone records.
He had a long day, made quite the drive.
Carson city at noon.
Yerington by 2:00.
Now, that's when he first called Jimmy.
Went straight to voice mail.
About 4:00, he was in Hawthorne.
And then by 5:00, he was all the way down in Indian Springs.
Called again and straight to voice mail.
Now, the last hit was at a cell phone tower on Flamingo road.
That's just four blocks from the Golden Nugget.
Where Jimmy was staying.
Right.
He drives all that way, but when Krick finally gets here, he kills the brother.
Why?
What are you looking at?
The Big Dipper?
The last thing Tom Finnerty saw before he died:
His brother.
Let me, let me try this.
Okay, so... oh, yi.
Head rush.
Okay.
Tom's dying of cancer, and yet he flies 3,000 Miles to be with his screwup brother.
He gets stabbed, and he walks another 300 feet just so he can be with him at the end.
So, where does Krick fit into all this walking?
Jimmy pulls a knife out of Tom trying to save his life, and Tom pulls cash out of an ATM to try to save Jimmy.
I'm with her.
Where's this going?
Krick's phone records, right?
Follow it all the way through.
All day long, from Carson city to Vegas, Krick's calling Jimmy, right?
Over and over, getting closer.
Obviously, he wants something.
That's why he's at the Palermo, why he's shadowing Jimmy.
But-but tom is with Jimmy.
And what did Jimmy tell you about-about big brother?
That he spent a lifetime looking out for little brother.
Yeah. 
See, I think Tom saw Krick first.
And given Jimmy's past, you got to figure little bro owes krick big money.
So, tom gets money out of the atm, and when Jimmy's distracted by a hot red dress, he follows Krick into the men's room.
Hey, look, let me make this all go away.
I don't need your money.
I need the last five years of my life back.
You stay out of it.
This is between Jimmy and me!
Now it's between you and me.
Bitch, get out of the way!
Hey, hey, hey.
Oh, man.
He was trying to clean up another one of my messes.
What about krick?
You know where he is?
I'm not telling you that.
I roll, he rolls, I do serious time.
I'm not, I'm not doing that again.
Okay, so you're gonna cover for the guy who killed your brother.
Who died stepping up for you.
Don't you think it's time you stepped up for him just a little bit here?
Krick's got a girl in Boulder city.
Thanks.
Thank you, Emmett.
That was a really good thing you did.
Make sure you spend it all in one place now.
You like basketball?
Yeah.
Well, I got a,
I got a boy, little bigger than you.
Plays college ball here.
Maybe the next time you and your mom are in town, we could go to a game together.
You like that?
Okay.
Brass picked up Krick.
Genius still had the blood money on him.
That's real smart.
Yeah, I called Jimmy's probation officer.
Tried to get him to cut Jimmy a little slack.
This will be his third strike.
Call him back.
What do you mean?
I mean that we are doing things by the book now.
What book, Catherine?
I'm just trying to help the guy out.
You're not listening, Nick.
There are no more under-the-table deals, no more going rogue, no more personal vendettas, no more L.A.
Now, what does this have to do with L.A.?
I wouldn't change anything about what I did there.
I would!
I'm not in charge anymore, because this is our problem.
We lead with our hearts instead of our heads.
And then we justify it after the fact.
Why you so pissed off?
I got demoted, Nick!
I got demoted!
I mean, you're setting up shop here in the break room, and D.B. Moonbeam is running the show.
And you know what, maybe he's just what this team needed.
I disagree.
It's not what this team needed, it's what Ecklie and the sheriff...
Hey, sweetheart, I'm just leaving.
Yeah. 
How was your day?
You always blame other people for what you're responsible for.
Stop with the excuses.
Don't give me that, Catherine!
Think the team is really starting to...
Well, you can add me to that list.
Starting to gel.
Honey, I'm gonna, um, I'm gonna go.
I need another hour.
I'm sorry.
19 years is a very long time to be doing this job.
What are you trying to say?
What am I trying to say?
Well, I'm saying that this team has to move on.
We got to get back to what we do best.
And if you can't handle that, then, you know, there's the door.
I know where the door is.
I've used it a couple times.

Hey, Paisley.
I know you're in here.
Why haven't you been returning my calls?
Sweet.
Hey, sexy.
Guess who's here!
Let's have a little fun in the shower.
Where are you, baby?
Oh, God! 
Help!
- ## - # Put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em both up #
# Put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em both up #
# Put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em both up #
# Put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em both up #
- "Lime in the coconut"?
- Gee!
Really isn't a morning song, you know.
- Right. 
Was I- 
- Yeah.
Oh, boy. 
I haven't seen you around here.
Yeah, because treadmills are for mice.
Listen, I gotta ask you something.
- Okay.
- A while back...
Bones, um, she kind of, um-
You know, she kind of said that she kind of still has feelings for, you know-
Wait. 
Did she say that she loved you?
Was it that direct?
- Wow. 
You just get right into it.
- I have to. 
I'm getting winded here.
Yeah. 
That's what she said.
Okay. 
Well, what did you say?
"I'm sorry. 
I'm with Hannah now.
I moved on. 
I love Hannah."
- You know, I haven't told Hannah, and it's kinda eating at me.
I understand.
Oh, God. 
I'm going uphill now.
Sweets? 
Sweets!
Well, you know, if this is on your mind, then you should tell Hannah.
Bones and Hannah are friends now.
I mean, isn't that what secrets are for?
Hey, maybe you could just give me something to make me stop feeling guilty.
Well, perhaps this is difficult because you still have feelings for Dr. Brennan.
What? 
No. 
No
- You know what?
This was a bad idea.
I'll talk to Hannah myself, okay?
All right.
I'll tell you what.
Stop bringing up me and Bones, okay?
What are you doing?
Why can't I turn this down?
What did you do to this thing?
Somebody? 
Somebody?
Hey. 
Mr. Swiss Cheese here, huh?
The holes in the soft tissue appear to be a function... of excellent water pressure in multiple nozzles.
According to the meter, shower's been on for three days.
Sounds like time of death to me.
Any indication of water temperature?
Tankless water heater kept at 105 the entire time.
More than adequate to bore holes through necrotic flesh.
Okay. 
So, we I.D. the body yet?
What's visible of the sacrum points to a female.
Pubic surface indicates that she was in her early to mid-20s.
According to the neighbors, the house belongs to a Paisley Johnston, 23.
- Nice place for a 23-year-old.
- Rich party girl.
She sustained a Le Fort fracture... which caused her facial bones to fragment.
The force of the shower spray washed the fragments down the drain.
We'll need to recover them in order to do a reconstruction.
I'm working on it.
Okay, I just heard Hodgins. 
Where is he?
I'm up here on the roof snaking the vents.
The victim's hair mass went down the drain... then the whole clog caught on the adipose...
- which melted off at the- 
- Okay, enough of you.
Okay. 
Here we go.
Now, when I start to snake, I suggest you guys step away from the drain, okay?
Hello?
A screwdriver, please.
Okay. 
Here we go.
I think I see some... bone fragments.
Go through, go through.
Definitely a skull fragment.
- Flashlight?
- Yep.
Do you hear something?
Mm. 
It's just a little gurgle. 
That's all.
When it comes to plumbing, women just can't deal.
Okay, we're covered in flesh and bone fragments.
Scrape it all off into evidence bags... and be careful not to swallow.
Mm-hmm.
Have you found cause of death, Dr. Edison?
Epidural hematoma... resulting from a depressed fracture to the occipital.
Is it me, or is it strangely quiet around here?
Everyone's trying to respect your wish... for a calm and professional environment.
Oh. 
I'm sorry.
That was an unfair demand of mine.
Really?
My girlfriend says I'm a stick-in-the-mud... and that the workplace can be a healthy social environment as well as professional.
I think she's wrong. 
Did you confirm... that the victim is Paisley Johnston?
Not yet. 
A large chunk of the occipital bone is missing.
Not to mention everything south of the eye sockets.
But I was able to determine that our victim had mild scoliosis.
It may help to confirm identity.
Booth is trying to get ahold of Paisley's parents, but they're in Antarctica.
You know, my parents also travel quite frequently.
I believe I may have some abandonment issues... which causes me to be withdrawn.
Hence my previous workplace behavior.
You are really opening up.
Once Dr. Hodgins recovers the bone fragments from the plumbing... we'll be able to reconstruct the skull and determine weapon.
I'll remove the rest of the flesh so you can get a better look at the bones.
Dr. Edison can assist you.
So, are you still dating that gynecologist?
Wow.
That's zero to 60 in no time.
I'm gonna just concentrate... on removing the rest of this flesh... if that's okay with you.
Sure.
##
If somebody wanted Paisley Johnston dead... it definitely wasn't the credit card company.
- Oh, yeah? 
Big shopper?
- Olympic level.
But there's nothing in her paper trail... that suggests a motive for murder.
Well, I checked out her social networking pages.
It's actually a sophisticated profiling tool.
May I?
- Yeah. 
Knock yourself out.
- All right.
Have you, uh, talked to Hannah yet?
- I will.
- Okay.
I've been a little busy here.
You know?
Uh, murder victim. 
Remember?
You'll get around to it.
Do they teach a course in hounding at shrink school?
Let's just stay on point here, Sweets!
See what you got. 
Okay.
Paisley Johnston.
Who posts that many pictures of themselves?
Someone with narcissistic personality disorder.
- What, is she clubbing with a rat?
- Chinchilla.
His name's Chi Chi.
He features prominently.
She probably felt safer bonding with a pet than a human being.
She lists a lot of friends.
Not so much friends as admirers.
She only seemed to interact directly with one person.
- Who?
- Nicole Twist.
They exchanged direct messages almost every waking hour for months.
Usually it was just compliments... or exclamations of undying friendship.
Now check out the last message from four days ago.
"I can't believe what you did!
You're the biggest fake in the world!
- Bitch!" 
- Oh, wow.
What kind of language is that for B.F.F.'s?
And that is when Nicole, Paisley's only and best friend... severed their relationship by de-friending Paisley.
Now, symbolically this is some rough stuff.
- Rough enough for murder?
- Give me a shot at her. 
I'll let you know.
- You got her.
- Now with the Hannah- 
- Nope.
- and Dr. Brennan- 
- Just walk away.
- Okay.
I can't believe this.
I just thought that Paisley was out of town.
Did you two fight recently, Nicole?
- You mean about the purse thing?
- Sure.
Tell me about the purse thing.
Well, Paisley bought me a purse for my birthday.
A Chanel double flap, black lambskin... with silver hardware.
Is that a good thing?
Well... what I really wanted was... the double flap lambskin with gold hardware.
I know, I know. 
They say that you don't, like, need to match metals.
But
- I mean, really.
Like, look at my skin tone. 
Silver?
So, anyway, I went to Chanel to try to exchange the bag.
They arrested me.
Paisley gave me a fake.
Paisley gave you a counterfeit bag?
Like, I was humiliated.
Totally... humiliated.
So it wasn't just a handbag.
It was symbolic of betrayal.
It would only be natural to seek revenge... for a handbag.
Chanel.
You bet.
And I did.
I de-friended her right there and then.
Now she's gone, and I-
I just want her back.
I want to friend her again.
Hodgins.
Yep. 
Hey.
- Honey, you've been going at this for hours.
- I know.
When I snaked the vent, it created an artificial backflow... and flushed some of the remains into the sink line.
But I'm gonna get every last bit.
- Okay. 
I brought you something to eat.
- Ooh!
Although the baby got hungry, so I ate some of it.
- Most of it.
- Okay.
Lets me, you know, get back to work quicker.
Mm. 
I gotta say, this place is amazing.
I could totally live here.
And the neighborhood is nice too, you know?
It's not all locked up behind gates and hedges.
You don't like our place?
Well, it's your place. 
And before that, it was your father's place.
And before that, it was your grandfather's place.
Before that, my great-grandfather's.
- Seriously?
- Mm-hmm.
Chester Putnam Hodgins.
Never met a chandelier he didn't like.
Don't get me wrong. 
It's nice.
It's just
- I don't know.
Can't you see our kid in a neighborhood like this one?
Riding his bike in the street with the other kids and... playing kickball?
I mean, it's nice.
Except for the murder.
I just think we need an "our place."
You know, someplace where we make our own history.
Um, can you do me a favor and grab me... some of those forceps out of my field bag?
Yeah.
Well, bring on the bone fragments.
Okay. 
Thank you.
All right, come to papa.
Yeah.
What is that?
I don't know.
That looks like some kind of paper.
Well, it's with the hair and bone fragments... so it must have been in the shower... when Paisley got murdered.
Why would she have a piece of paper with her in the shower?
Looks like writing. 
Like Chinese.
- You think you can reconstruct this?
- Sure.
If I can eat that pudding I brought you.
It's not for me. 
The baby loves pudding.
- She loves you?
- Loved. 
Did.
I told her it was never gonna happen again.
She's not gonna get over it just like that.
How about you?
I told you.
That was all in the past, okay?
Whatever I felt, I don't feel it anymore- except for you.
I knew you two were close, but-
Would you rather I didn't say anything and kept this a secret?
No.
No. 
If I found out you were keeping this from me, then I'd worry.
Right.
- And then I'd kill you.
- You'd have every right to.
Oh, God.
What am I gonna say to Brennan?
Nothing. 
You don't have to say anything at all.
She's my friend.
She's gonna know I know.
I'm supposed to have lunch with her tomorrow.
Well, if you do bring it up, just go easy on Bones.
Because she's not like everyone else.
You know that.
It's so much easier getting shot at than dealing with stuff like this.
Right? 
I'm with you on that.
I don't understand the problem.
The driver's license says Paisley Johnston's 5 foot 4.
The skeleton's 5 foot 4.
The average height of the American woman is 5 feet 3.7 inches.
- It's not exactly conclusive.
- It's consistent.
But the length of the femur is not.
- You checked your measurements?
- Twice.
- And you used the right tables?
- Of course I did.
Did Paisley have some kind of congenital issue?
Scoliosis doesn't affect long-bone growth.
- So what could it be?
- I have no idea.
Unless Paisley Johnston was an Asian in a former life.
Asians have shorter femurs in proportion to their bodies than Caucasians.
But Paisley Johnston isn't Asian.
Which means this is not Paisley Johnston.
Since the victim is Asian... it's reasonable to find a paper with Chinese characters on it.
Although these don't look like typical Han characters, do they?
Uh, sorry. 
I was born in Baltimore.
And I took French in school.
Can you enhance the image?
- Yeah, I can try using multispectral imaging.
Brennan. 
Hannah!
Oh, I'm glad you called.
I got us a reservation.
I see. 
No, of course.
Of course.
Why don't you call when you have some free time.
Okay.
Bye.
Hannah canceled?
She is very busy working on a story... about the appropriation committee.
But I thought she called before to say that she could make it.
That was after she called to cancel the first time.
Apparently she has computer trouble now.
No.
No, honey. 
That's code.
- What kind of code?
- L.W.L.C.
Little white lie code.
White lies used to spare somebody's feelings.
Why would she think she needs to spare my feelings?
Well, three changes of plans between friends in one day is statistically impossible.
What study are you citing?
Just a little research project that I conducted myself.
At the Common Sense Institute.
Hannah's avoiding you, honey.
- Did you guys have a fight?
- Fight? 
No.
Well, then she's embarrassed because she's keeping something from you.
You should get her to tell you what it is.
Secrets are toxic between friends.
Oh. 
I was right.
They aren't modern Chinese characters.
It's a special Taoist charm, or fu.
- Fu?
- They're a type of spell.
This one was written to cure bone ailments.
Oh, maybe she used it for her scoliosis.
That explains why it was in the shower.
You paste it to the affected area of your body.
That is an iron crutch.
It's a symbol used in traditional herb shops.
- Like a pharmacy logo?
- Exactly.
It should lead us to the apothecary who gave her this fu.
- ## 
- I put a BOLO out on Paisley, but we haven't found her yet.
Which would suggest two possible scenarios.
Either she killed the Asian girl and fled... or whoever killed the Asian girl also killed Paisley.
Whoa. 
Okay, what the hell are those?
Sea horse.
- Oh, God.
- It's a Chinese aphrodisiac.
Lady knows her jing fang medicine.
How can I help you?
F.B.I. Special Agent Booth.
This here is Dr. Temperance Brennan.
Ming Tsou.
Do you recognize this fu?
Yes. 
I
- I made it. 
I gave it to a patient.
Was that patient about 25 years old, 5 foot 4 and slender?
Yes. 
How do you know all this?
What is this about?
We're investigating her death.
Who was she?
Jenny Yang.
You were more than her pharmacist, weren't you?
They were engaged.
I gave her this blessing so her back wouldn't hurt... when she stood too long at her job.
From the scoliosis?
When was the last time you saw her?
A week ago.
I haven't heard from her.
Why didn't you report her missing?
We were having some trouble.
All she cared about were her American friends.
She was turning her back on traditions that were very important to our relationship.
And you couldn't let that happen?
I loved her.
I wanted her to be happy.
What was she doing at Paisley Johnston's house?
Paisley.
She's part of the crowd Jenny wanted to be a part of.
Jenny met her at work.
They worked together?
No. 
Paisley's rich.
Jenny worked at the Szechuan restaurant down the street for Mama Liu.
Was it Paisley? 
Did she kill Jenny?
We're looking for Paisley now.
We don't know what happened yet.
Ask Mama Liu.
Try pulling that.
No, not that. 
That's tissue.
You need to stop backseat combing before I tweeze your eyes out.
Sorry. 
But to have enough skull... to I.D. a murder weapon, I need more bone.
But you knew that. 
Again, sorry.
Continue.
Did you really ask Cam about her boyfriend?
Yeah.
I've been far too withdrawn and private around here.
Oh, and by the way, congratulations, Dad.
Thanks.
You know, I want a lot of kids.
I'm from a big family. 
You know, I've had, like, nine brothers and sisters.
Could never get a word in.
- That's probably why I never opened up around here.
- Wow. 
Nine.
Or it could have been my stint in the N.S.A.
Yeah. 
They never allowed us to talk about anything there.
You were in the N.S. A?
Mm-hmm. 
Summer job.
Yeah, when I was deciding what I wanted to do.
What did you do there?
Any luck?
Dr. Hodgins won't allow me to help.
Ooh! 
Ooh, there's a fragment.
Come on! 
Over here. 
Hodgins, right here.
I see it, Clark, but I cannot get it out from this tangled mess.
- Then why don't we just put it in the centrifuge?
- That's not gonna work.
Exactly. 
What we need is an acid reagent... that can eat the hair, leaving the bones behind.
Won't it risk damaging the bones?
You need a conditioner.
Three bucks at the drugstore.
Feel free to expense it.
My girlfriend and I are talking about having babies.
Yeah, but she's afraid of, like, losing her sexuality during pregnancy.
Conditioner, Clark.
Okay.
Yes? 
Can I help you?
- We're looking for Mama "Loo." 
- Mama Liu.
"Loo-you." Yes.
Paisley sent us.
At your service.
Very stylish, both of you.
Follow me.
You want Vuitton? 
Prada?
- Gucci? 
Chanel?
- The whole thing.
Follow me, cuties.
- What's happening?
- Chanel's what's happening.
And Gucci.
Sweet, sweet Gucci.
Four for the price of three. 
Cash only.
- $150 each.
- All right.
Nicole said Paisley got her a Chanel bag.
- But that was counterfeit.
- She got it here.
- Give you special price.
- Freeze!
Metro Police. 
You're under arrest for dealing in counterfeit goods.
Sorry to point our weapons at you guys.
- I had no idea we were on the same side.
- Right. 
No problem.
Eric Anderson. 
I'm an investigator with the Anti-Counterfeiting Alliance.
Prada police.
The Gucci gumshoes.
The Rolex roughriders.
Take your best shot. 
I'm used to it.
These are beautiful.
I can't tell they're counterfeit.
Which is why it's such a lucrative business.
Well, personally, I don't see the appeal.
Status symbols are signifiers of the position one has in a social network.
The same as the hyena bones worn by the Malawi tribeswomen.
Although those are impossible to counterfeit.
This is a little bigger than a few bones.
If you buy a fake purse, you're supporting... a multibillion-dollar business which perpetuates child labor... launders drug cartel money, finances terrorists.
You think that little old lady could be dangerous?
- I wouldn't cross her.
- Come on. 
In the car.
We're investigating a murder- someone who works for her, a Jenny Yang.
Jenny Yang was the one who tipped us off.
Yeah, well, maybe Mama found out and decided to get even.
Do I really have to get in?
I'm old lady!
There you go.
Wouldn't a hair conditioner compromise the evidence?
Nah. 
It's basically hydrolyzed protein acidifier.
It's easily discernible... from the other chemicals and particulates.
- Got some there for you already.
- Oh. 
Thanks.
You must be very happy.
Uh, yeah.
Always happy to retrieve evidence.
No. 
I
- I mean about the baby.
I think you and Angela will be... bizarre but splendid parents.
Thanks, Clark.
- So, about you and the N.S.A. - 
- Never gonna happen, Dr. Hodgins.
- Yeah. 
But- 
- It was just a summer job.
- But- 
- Can't. 
Sorry.
But I would be very happy to discuss this whole mess... with Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth and this new woman.
What the hell is that about?
I mean, come on.
The potential emotional fallout, it could be cataclysmic. 
Am I right?
Okay. 
We should really focus on these bone fragments... so that you can determine the weapon, okay?
Oh. 
Sure.
But... my money's on Dr. B. and Booth.
- Hannah.
- Temperance.
I
- I'm just, uh- 
- I'm late.
- No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
Apparently that is a statistical impossibility.
How's that a statistical impossibility?
You have exceeded your daily quota for legitimate excuses... and, since I don't want to lose you as a friend...
I insist on knowing why you're avoiding me.
Can we talk about this later?
Maybe we can meet for a drink.
- I'm late for a meeting with the president.
- No.
Now.
Okay.
I found out about you and Seeley- your talk, how you feel.
Booth told you?
He shouldn't have done that.
He had to. 
We're a couple.
I didn't want to hurt you.
I just-
I-I shouldn't have said anything to him.
I would have done the same thing, and you would have understood.
Right?
I wasn't avoiding you.
I was just confused.
I don't want to do anything to mess up your friendship with Seeley... or my friendship with you.
Now, if you'd please step aside, I'm actually- 
- I'm late for an interview with the president.
- Oh. 
Really?
- Yes.
- I am sorry.
Could you please ask him to devote more resources to the conflict in the Congo?
- I will. 
Drinks later? 
I won't cancel.
- All set.
Absolutely.
Please. 
All I do is sell some purses.
- I did not know they're fake.
- Save it, Mama.
Mr. Anderson here tells me you run quite the operation.
My guess is, someone gets in your way, you take 'em out.
Cheap belt.
I fix you up with nice Hermès belt.
A real one. 
How about that?
Bribery. 
Interesting.
Not bribery. 
Generosity.
Generosity? 
Okay. 
Purses are the least of your problems right now.
You know a Jenny Yang, right?
She's like my own child.
All right. 
Well, she was found murdered.
Jenny-
All right
- Hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey! 
Everybody just calm down.
I did not kill anyone.
Why would I kill Jenny?
Jenny's the one who told us about the counterfeit goods.
She said you'd kill her if you found out.
Jenny was a good Chinese girl... not like those other girls who pretended to be her friends.
Yeah, really interesting.
Or maybe Paisley just told her friend... to get a cut of the action, and you wouldn't give it to her.
That white bitch was the criminal!
She owe me 2,000 for the purses.
Jenny went to her house to collect... and I never saw her again.
She tried to be white.
That's what killed her.
679 pages worth of Paisley's online life.
- You find Jenny in there?
- Yeah. 
Page 472.
Paisley ignored a friend request from Jenny.
Great.
I think Jenny wouldn't take no for an answer.
It's possible.
Classic stalker relationship.
None of these people have seen Paisley or have any idea where she is.
- She always has this rat by her side, right?
- Yeah.
Narcissistic personality disorder... coupled with addiction to both intoxicants and sex... doesn't leave a lot of room to develop a human relationship.
Wait a second. 
Look at that collar.
Yeah.
Paisley mentioned in one of her posts... that she had Chi Chi LoJacked so she'd never lose him.
That is excellent work, Dr. Edison.
Thank you.
I-I just want to tell you that...
I feel so much more comfortable here... now that I'm not holding so much inside.
I'm glad.
But just know that if you ever feel the need... to bottle yourself up again, we'll support you.
Thank you.
She was killed by a blunt force trauma to the occipital bone.
The bone shards were jammed into her brain.
This was one angry, violent death.
Dr. Brennan would say it's impossible to know the assailant's state of mind.
But I'm gonna go on record right now and say that this was one psycho dude.
- Can you take a cast to determine what kind of weapon was used?
Dr. Saroyan.
Yeah, we tracked down Paisley Johnston through her rat.
She was drinking and taking pills.
They had to pump her stomach.
I'm thinking that's the sort of thing you'd do if you regretted murdering someone.
Funny, I was thinking the same thing.
Generally, girls like you end up O.D.'ing... in cheap hotels for a reason, Paisley.
I don't want to talk to you anymore.
Why don't you tell me about Jenny Yang.
- Jenny who?
- Yang.
Jenny Yang. 
You were buying counterfeit purses from her.
I barely know her.
Oh, she was found murdered in your shower.
- In my shower?
- Mm.
- What was she doing in my house?
- I don't know. 
You tell me.
Oh, God.
She knew where I kept my key... because sometimes she dropped off the purses when I wasn't home.
The F.B.I. also found a small electronic device... under your mattress.
Brody put it there. 
He's my boyfriend.
He thought I didn't know, but I did.
Whenever I'd bring someone else into bed with me, it would turn on the bear.
The bear?
Teddy bear cam.
You know, a secret camera.
He was using it to watch his girlfriend sleep with other guys.
Perv.
Right. 
Well, we didn't find a teddy bear cam in your room anywhere.
Well, Brody's probably watching what's on it.
Did you guys clean up the dead stuff in my shower?
Because, um, I really don't do that.
The reconstructed skull is complete.
What are these?
I thought they were from the skull... but they must be from another part of the skeleton.
I was gonna determine that next.
There's a depressed fracture with lines radiating away from the point of impact.
Radiating lines point to a weapon of small mass impacting with high force.
That would be consistent with the idea of a hammer or baton.
But with this angle, the weapon would've had to smash upward into the skull.
Hmm. 
That would be a very awkward attack.
Pull up the crime scene photos.
If Jenny was picked up... and smashed downward onto one of those nozzles... that would also match these injuries.
They're approximately the right circumference.
And the right angle.
Death by shower.
That's a new one.
So, did everything work out with Hannah?
Yeah, yeah.
It was great. 
She's really cool.
- I mean, she's amazing.
- Yeah? 
And with her and Dr. Brennan?
Oh, fine. 
Everything's great.
You know, the two of them are becoming really good friends.
- And that's okay?
- Yeah. 
Yeah. 
Why not?
Well, I just meant that they're close...
- and what they have in common is you, so- 
- So?
So some men might find that threatening.
Well, lucky for me, I'm not "some men."
Excuse me. 
Agent Booth.
- Anderson.
- Mama Liu is not your killer.
She was in New York... sorting through a shipment of counterfeit goods when the girl was murdered.
Mama Liu led us to the importer who placed her there.
- Wow. 
So you got an even bigger bust.
- Yeah.
Thanks for your help, Booth.
I get a big bonus for this one.
I get the same salary no matter how many killers I catch. 
Where's the justice?
I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry. 
Take the bear.
Just take the bear. 
He's yours.
Why'd you take the bear in the first place?
How would you like it if people found out you were taping your girlfriend?
Well, she knew you were taping her, by the way.
I don't care. 
I'm just glad she's alive.
Paisley was sleeping with other guys.
Maybe you wanted to take a little revenge.
You're twisting me around here.
- I brought you the teddy bear.
- Right.
For your sake, let's hope there's nothing erased.
Whoa.
She's very energetic.
Paisley's very flexible.
Does this qualify as porn or work?
- There's an overlap.
- Hmm.
Okay. 
That's a new guy.
- Man, he's in a hurry.
- It's on fast-forward, Sweets.
Oh. 
That makes sense.
Same woman, another guy.
Whoa. 
That
- One second.
That's not Paisley. 
That's Jenny Yang.
That's the Chinese charm- the fu thing...
- or whatever they called it.
- If the time code is right... then this was recorded the night of the murder.
So she's trying so hard to be modern, and yet... she still wears that old country charm on her back?
An individual can try to identify outside their culture, but customs persist.
They're ingrained as permanently as a fingerprint.
Too bad she didn't realize that sooner.
Could that be Brody with Jenny?
Maybe. 
You don't actually see his face in the video.
Perhaps we can measure the male's limbs to determine ethnicity.
Okay. 
Well, I can try.
I only have access to that leg and part of his arm, but let's give it a shot.
- Dr. Brennan.
- Yes?
I looked more closely at those two pieces left over from the skull reconstruction.
They aren't bone at all.
They're asymmetrically bundled keratin, amino acids, guanidine.
- Hair?
- Yes. 
But with sterols present.
Rhinoceros horn.
It's used in traditional Chinese medicine... mistakenly believed to be a male aphrodisiac.
Jenny's fiancé had it in his shop.
Looks like Jenny's fiancé's gonna need a little more than rhino horn.
Like maybe a good lawyer.
You said you hadn't seen Jenny in a week.
I haven't.
We found traces of rhinoceros horn in Paisley's shower.
In Chinese medicine, rhinoceros horn is only used by men.
- Which puts you in the shower.
- No. 
The-
The rhinoceros horn was on a blue string, like a necklace.
I told Jenny it would help her back.
That's not true.
Rhinoceros horn is cold... and only used on men because they're hot.
We are.
I was trying to cool her spirit.
She was changing, lying to me... becoming obsessed with fools like Paisley Johnston.
So if you couldn't have her, no one could.
I didn't hurt her.
I just didn't want her to lose her identity.
I loved her.
Please roll up your pant leg.
Wh-What? 
What are you doing?
We have a video of the man with Jenny that night.
I'd like to compare your tibia with the one on the video.
No. 
Y-You could make a mistake.
I don't make mistakes.
No, she doesn't.
It's definitely not Ming Tsou.
The tibia's the wrong length.
What about Paisley's boyfriend, Brody?
Mm-mmm. 
Not according to the body measurements.
So all we've got is a murderer we can't I.D.
Maybe we can.
I've isolated all the reflective surfaces in the room.
- You can't recognize anyone in those.
- No, not yet.
But if we can find a portion of his face in any of these...
I might be able to make a composite.
That's brilliant, Angela.
Or, if it doesn't work, totally idiotic.
Try the chrome sphere on the lamp.
Okay, now that wine glass.
And that little cube-shaped box in the alcove.
And this other box on the other side of the bed.
Okay. 
Now I'll isolate the facial reflections... and map them to the models.
And increase the resolution.
This might actually work.
Now the computer just needs to generate a 3-D image... then fill in the pieces- hopefully.
That's the Prada policeman.
Thanks for coming in.
- Just have to ask you a few more questions about Jenny Yang.
- No problem.
Why didn't you tell us that you, uh, slept with her?
Okay, look.
I made a mistake, okay? 
But come on.
I got a wife, a new baby.
You're breaking my heart.
I was conducting an investigation.
She was helping me.
One thing led to another.
It happens.
One thing led to murder, Anderson.
You had sex with her that night.
The jury loves this sort of stuff.
You can't tell that's me.
Oh, you see, the squints at the Jeffersonian... got your face from the reflections in the room.
D.A. was convinced.
Arrest warrant.
Jenny took me to Paisley's that night- show her fake purses.
We fooled around, and in the shower she asked... if I could arrest Paisley instead of Mama Liu.
And that wouldn't get you a bonus.
We had the bust all planned, and then... suddenly she was freaking out about betraying Mama Liu.
Said if I didn't call it off, she'd tell my boss I slept with her.
I'd lose my job, my family, everything.
So you killed her and you ran.
You didn't even shut off the water.
I could have lost everything.
You killed her, and you ran.
Look at her little heart beating.
He's cute, isn't he?
Adorable.
He's really floating around in there.
Clark. 
Uh, hey.
Hey. 
I'm sorry.
I really didn't mean to spy on you two.
I just-
Wow, that is just so amazing.
You guys. 
Come here.
- Thanks.
- So great.
Wow, that's
- That's really sweet.
Yeah, and weird. 
What is going on?
It's like you've eaten the real Clark.
Change is growth, man.
I just wanted to come by and just tell you guys that you did a great job on the case.
- Mm. 
Thank you.
- Now have a good evening.
Hi.
- Good night, Clark.
- Good night.
He's totally weird, right?
And he was in the N.S.A., so he could be completely messing with us.
Or he's just turning into a normal guy.
Don't get all paranoid on us.
One last look?
Heck, yeah.
Nope.
Doesn't look like a chandelier kind of kid, does he?
I don't think I could fit one in there anyway.
I'll think he'll be happier with this anyway.
Hodgins, what is this?
Open it.
So I ran into Paisley... after, um, completely trashing her plumbing.
Unlike us, dead people freak her out.
So I made her an offer, and I got the place for a steal.
I mean, you still like it, right?
I'm gonna replace the shower. 
I promise.
Hodgins... this is the craziest, sweetest thing that... anybody's ever done for me.
Thank you.
I love you.
##
# Before you came to life I couldn't mark the time #
You usually have a drink with Seeley after a case, don't you?
Yes, but he'll have his drink with you when you get home.
Depends on how many we knock back first.
I have quite a high tolerance for alcohol.
Oh. 
Is that a challenge?
Barkeep, a shot of bourbon and one for my friend.
- "Barkeep"?
- I enjoyed Westerns as a child.
Okay.
Oh!
I think that guy across the bar is looking at you.
It happens frequently.
I am quite beautiful.
He's very handsome.
He is.
I enjoy a good-looking man.
Well, most women do.
Another round?
Angela said that I... should move on.
She didn't mean that I should change locations.
I know.
I think she's right.
You deserve to be happy, Temperance.
Hi.
Hello.
Can I buy you a drink?
I'd like that.
I'm gonna go. 
I'll see you tomorrow.
- Okay.
- No, wait.
I wanted to buy you a drink, both of you.
What do you say?
No. 
God, no.
Get lost, creep.
Can you believe that?
Oh, wow.
Barkeep, two more.
- Barkeep.
- Barkeep.
- Two more.
- Two more, please.
What's that mean?
English 
- US 
- SDH

Warehouse 13: 
Of Monsters And Men Chapter 3
Translation: 
Cemjey Revision: 
Zefram Cochrane
For all the famous monsters the world of movies!
- Pete?
- It ', Claud?
What was the name that comic you were reading before we were sucked here?
"City of ghouls" ...
Gia ', sincerely I was hoping to be wrong.
Quiet, Claud.
I will not let 'that that ugly evil monster hurt you.
Well, I say to you today that emotions can enough. 
Let's go home, please?
Farnsworth. 
Farnsworth!
Sure that our pricing plan Roaming enables you to do here?
The Farnsworth works anywhere on Earth.
Even inside a balloon?
Our bodies were transported to a reality 'alternative to two dimensions, but we are still on Earth.
I just have to find the right signal ...
Something tells me he does not want to make a little game between friends ...
Eye on the head!
Claudia!
Giu 'hands, bruttone!
Let her go!
Claudia!

- Morning, Pop.
You're up early.
Couldn't sleep.
You've been up since 3:30.
I heard you banging around.
Well, the mayor's coming in, he's on my case about the budget.
You've been thinking about Joe.
I always think about Joe.
It's coming up on two years.
Our kids are supposed to bury us.
I know I didn't personally order that warrant enforced, but I was his commissioner.
And sometimes at night, alone,
I find myself left with an inescapable truth.
My son was killed on my watch.
Francis, you can't think like that.
What's up?
Hello?
What?
All right, I'll tell him.
When did this call come in?
Tell my detail I'm gonna wanna stop there on the way in.
That was Danny.
As you were.
Frank, is it true about the Clearys?
- We'll let you know, Barbara.
Please stand back.
Pop...
I understand.
You go ahead, Francis.
Commissioner. 
Sir.
Let me see. 
I need that ID.
Danny.
I was on my way in to work.
I had to ask twice when they said the address, it wouldn't sink in.
- Different if it's someone you know.
- Yeah.
Chief of D's thought you'd have the advantage,
- this being your home turf.
- Okay.
Him first then her.
- Yeah.
Maid came in this morning to work and found them like this.
She ran across the street.
Fitzgeralds called 911.
Forced entry? 
Robbery?
Doesn't look like it.
ME puts it sometime last night.
He's asleep in front of the TV, she comes down.
Killing was done quick.
Eunice has defensive wounds.
I gotta tell you, I don't wanna think what I'm thinking, Dad.
Sir. 
The daughter just arrived.
Easy. 
Easy.
Annie.
- You can't go in there, nobody can.
- Please. 
Danny?
Mr. Reagan, what's going on?
Mrs. Fitzgerald said something happened to Mom and Dad.
I'm sorry, Annie.
What do you mean?
What are you talking about?
Ann!
Al.
- What's happened? 
What's going on?
- It's Mom and Dad.
- Are they all right? 
Are they inside?
- You can't go inside, Al.
- It's a crime scene.
- Crime scene?
Please, Mr. Reagan, just tell me.
Danny.
They were attacked last night and found this morning.
That's all we can say.
What happened?
We can't say.
Danny, please, this is me.
He'd say that to anyone, Al.
It's an ongoing investigation.
Where's our brother?
Where's Ronnie?
He's not here.
Annie, I knew something was gonna happen.
Ever since they let Ronnie move back in.
You can't jump to conclusions, Al.
If it's not true, Ann, where is he?
Listen, we called the warehouse where Ronnie works, he didn't show up for work this morning.
Any idea where he might have gone?
A friend's house, a girlfriend?
Friends? 
Danny, this is Ronnie we're talking about.
What friends he hasn't stolen from he cut off years ago.
The only friend who stood by him was his sponsor.
I only know his first name, but Ronnie was going to meetings down at the Methodist Church on Grove.
Do you know when the last time you saw your parents or spoke to them was?
Yesterday.
I stopped by on my way home from work.
I talked to my mom every day.
She seemed fine.
Dad left the dealership, same as always, around 6.
Where were you last night, Al?
What?
Come on, Al, I gotta ask the questions, all right?
Yeah. 
Uh...
I was home.
- You were with Sharon and the kids?
They're in Florida.
Her father's sick.
Okay.
And where were you last night, Ann?
- I was home.
- Can anybody verify that for you?
Uh... 
The doorman.
What happens now?
I mean, when do we get to see them?
I have to see them, Danny.
One of you are gonna have to come to the morgue and identify the bodies.
I can't believe this.
This can't be happening.
I hope that you find my brother before I do.
Me too.
You wanna bring me up to speed?
- Yeah, take a look for yourself.
All right. 
So...
So it's a lot harder when you know the people, huh?
Yeah, that's what my old man always said.
Got a K-9 Unit out looking for the murder weapon.
There's an empty slot in the kitchen knife rack that's consistent with the size of the stab wounds.
Pretty distinct footprints through the blood.
Yep. 
Made by one person.
- Hey, Jackie.
- Hey.
I just talked to Dad.
You really think Ronnie did this?
Well, he's definitely a person of interest. 
Have a seat.
We're looking at anybody who had motive or access to the house.
Which would be the maid, relatives, Mr. Cleary's employees.
But Mrs. Fitzgerald does put Ronnie at the house last night.
She saw him when she was walking the dog and he was coming home.
There's always been trouble there, but this?
- What kind of trouble?
- Mr. Cleary rode those kids something terrible.
Mostly the boys and mostly Ronnie.
Al ended up working for him at the car dealership.
Yeah, but Al was always more resilient. 
Ronnie's sensitive.
Mr. Clearly called Ronnie "cellar boy." I mean, he thought it was funny.
Ronnie used to cringe at that.
What's "cellar boy"?
He moved into the basement when he was 14.
Don't know what came first, him moving down to the basement, or did he move down to the basement to drink and smoke pot?
- Where's the mother in all of this?
- Rose-colored glasses, I guess.
They had some knock-down, drag-outs over there, let me tell you.
And they just had one last year.
The sector car responded to a 52.
Ronnie and Mr. Cleary going at it again.
Thirty-five year old living at home?
What's that all about?
You name it. 
Bipolar, using.
He'd move out, switch states, switch jobs.
Get in trouble, move back in, get cleaned up.
- Some cleanup.
- You have any idea where he is?
No. 
We got a finest message out on his car and his AA sponsor said if he hears from Ronnie, he'll give us a call.
Poor Ronnie.
Poor Ronnie?
Take a look at these photos.
Poor Ronnie.
Mr. and Mrs. Clearly at the crime scene. 
Nice, huh?
Reagan, hey.
Quite the early bird.
Sergeant Renzulli's good work ethic is wearing off on me.
Your brother Joe's car.
And now it's yours.
What brings you down here, Detective Malevsky?
Why do you ask?
- No reason.
- "No reason."
There's an answer for the ages.
Be safe.
- Hey, sergeant.
- Beach boy.
What, do you got a tan or something, huh?
It's 55 degrees and you're laying out.
Might be how you spent your day off, sarge, but I was working on my car.
- The Chevelle? 
Ooh.
- Yeah.
Don't make me drool.
- Where's my gun?
- Huh?
My service weapon, I always keep it here on the top shelf. 
It's gone.
Sure you didn't take it home?
I can't tell how many times...
I'm sure.
I never take my service weapon home.
I swap it out with my off-duty after every tour.
Probably a prank one of the guys in the precinct is pulling on you.
You tick anybody off?
- Besides me, of course.
- No.
Only thing is I wouldn't steal your gun, I would steal your car.
Listen to me. 
Hey.
Take everything out of the locker and go through the bag again.
Then go back home and go over every square inch of it for that weapon
- before you report it to the CO.
- All right.
Because then it becomes official and you're back under IA investigation.
IA? 
Again?
Oh, yeah. 
Losing your gun, that is not nothing, kid.
Sarge, I just saw Sonny Malevsky out front. 
Was he back here?
In here? 
No.
He was at the front desk schmoozing with the guys when I came in.
Why?
No reason, but didn't you say you can get past these locks with a pair of scissors, a pencil and a soda can?
You think he stole your gun?
No, I...
Never mind. 
I...
I don't know why I said that.
The mayor, sir.
I asked you to cut 10 percent from your budget.
You missed by a mile.
I cut everything I could without crippling this department.
Well, then your department is frozen.
And we'll postpone your June academy class.
If we don't bring those cops on line, we will be reduced to 1992 levels.
There's no money, Frank.
I am not raising taxes because of you.
- In an election year.
- In any year.
And every department shares the pain here.
I will not police this city with those kind of reductions of force.
And nobody, including you, will want the kind of pain it brings.
Was that a threat, Frank?
The threat here is to the citizens who elected you and the $30-billion tourist industry we all depend on.
Give me a break. 
The way you injected racism into that tourist shooting...
Oh, race was already driving the story.
I just said it out loud.
You're not my chamber of commerce, stick to what you know.
What I know is you cannot cut this force any further.
No, you listen to me. 
I am going to the city council with my budget, with our commissioners of fire, sanitation, transportation, all who have been far more cooperative, and with you standing alongside me.
And if you try to make me look bad, you'll be bringing a knife to a gunfight.
I promise you.
All right, well, there's plenty of motive here.
I mean, there's a giant insurance policy and the house.
Yeah, but Ronnie's not the only one.
I mean, all three of these kids stand to inherit.
All right, so Ann Cleary's doorman, he confirmed the alibi?
Yeah, she came home as per usual.
That doesn't mean she might not have left later.
We'll check ARGUS for video footage.
- What about Al Cleary?
- Al Cleary says he was home alone.
Gotta try to find someone to corroborate that.
About Al, the car dealership was failing.
Two salesmen were let go in the past couple of months.
Let's make sure we talk to those two.
What else?
So the father's pouring all his personal money into keeping the business afloat and he's taking out of the inheritance.
Al can't be too happy about that.
Okay, but money problems?
The neighbor told me old man Cleary had just booked a around-the-world cruise trip for him and the wife, that their anniversary was coming up.
The ticket cost somewhere in the ballpark of $100,000.
He may have booked that, but he hasn't started payment yet.
Reagan.
Yeah.
- Curatola.
You got a caller ID on that?
- Great. 
Yeah, we're on our way.
- Okay, got it.
Get your hat and coat.
That was Ronnie's AA sponsor.
He says Ronnie called him from the Rest-Well Motel.
He sounds suicidal.
Finest message paid off too.
Patrol spotted Cleary's car in the parking lot of guess where.
Rest-Well Motel.
All right, this is Detective Reagan,
I need an ESU and a patrol to 85 us forthwith, at the Rest-Well Motel in Sunset Park.
We've got an emotionally disturbed homicide suspect.
Go on!
Go on, shoot me, you sons of bitches!
Just put down the ax.
Come on, we can talk about this.
Nobody wants to hurt you.
I don't wanna talk, okay?
I don't wanna talk!
- You come up and get me!
- Cleary, please, come on now.
Come on. 
Come on! 
Come on!
Come on down!
- Come on, do it! 
Shoot! 
Shoot!
- Come on and shoot!
- What have we got?
He was coming back with take-out, he was hyped up.
He smashed the firebox to get an ax.
All right. 
Probably trying to commit suicide by cop.
I know this guy, I can get close to him.
I'm gonna take over.
Come on, do it!
- Okay.
- Let me borrow this, all right?
Come on, do it!
- Shoot me!
- Hey, Ronnie.
It's me, Danny Reagan, remember?
Yeah, I remember you, Danny.
Get out of here!
- I'm just gonna come talk to you.
- I don't wanna talk to you!
Stay calm. 
We're gonna have a discussion, me and you.
- I don't wanna talk, Danny!
- No, no, look. 
No guns, nothing,
Just me and you, all right?
Don't do nothing stupid.
Don't you come any closer! 
Get back!
Stay where you are, you son of bitch!
Stay where you are!
Don't come any closer to me!
- Ronnie. 
Ronnie.
- Ahh!
Don't shoot! 
Don't shoot!
Hold it, hold it, hold it!
Don't shoot!
Hold it. 
Hold it, Ronnie, listen to me.
Come on, let's talk. 
Me and you.
Like we were kids, we're friends.
- No. 
I don't wanna talk.
- You can trust me, Ronnie. 
Come on.
Please, just let them kill me, please.
I can't let them shoot you, Ronnie.
We're just gonna talk, me and you.
You're ruining everything, Danny.
- Ronnie.
- You're ruining it!
Damn it!
Suspect's down.
- You're stupid, Ronnie.
We're all clear!
Let's go.
You want anything, Ronnie?
- Some water? 
You eat anything?
- Water maybe.
They gave me some crackers after the psych exam.
- That and a clonazepam.
- Knock it off.
This isn't some drug possession or petty larceny case, Ronnie.
It's a double homicide.
You already told me that.
- Think you can loosen these cuffs?
- No, I can't do that, Ronnie.
Now let's go over this one more time, okay?
Two people, your mother and father, were murdered ten feet above your head, and you didn't hear anything?
You don't remember anything?
- I got up that morning to go to work.
- Mm-hm.
I went upstairs to get some breakfast and I saw them like that.
Right. 
And what'd you do?
Right, you ran away.
It's your parents, Ronnie.
If you didn't kill them, then why didn't you call 911?
- I didn't wanna go to jail.
- Then why'd you kill them?
- I didn't kill them.
- What happened, Ronnie?
You and your old man get into it again, is that it, huh?
He found out you were using again?
- No.
- See, now I know you're lying to me.
Now I know. 
You know why?
Because we found the weed, and we found the prescription vial, and we found a half-drunk bottle of vodka under your bed.
I'm not using heroin.
What'd you do, Ronnie?
What'd you do?
You got all juiced up and pass out and sleep through your parent's murder?
Is that what you're telling me?
Was it one of your blackouts?
- Stop it.
- Stop what?
I'm not gonna stop a damn thing until I find out who killed Kevin and Eunice Cleary. 
You follow me?
Why didn't you just let me die?
Why didn't you let them shoot me?
All right, Ronnie, all right. 
Let's say it wasn't you then. 
Who did it, huh?
- Who did it if it wasn't you?
- I don't know.
Some guy my old man sold a lemon to?
You knew him, Danny.
Outside of the house, he was Mr. Popularity.
Hail-fellow-well-met.
Inside of the house, real son of a bitch.
Reagan, talk to you?
Yeah.
Sit tight.
K-9 picked up a scent on these and found them in a trash can in a corner of a park nearby.
All right.
These look familiar, Ronnie?
- No.
Well, they're yours.
And they're going down to the lab.
They're gonna type the blood in the treads to your mom.
Then they're gonna match the wear in the treads to the footprints found in the blood.
Isn't that right, Ronnie?
- Get him down to Central Booking.
- No. 
No.
No.
- No, I... 
Please, Danny, don't.
- Get out. 
Get out.
Danny. 
No.
There we go. 
All right, thanks.
Here you go.
We need to talk, Reagan.
You know, I've been on the job 20 years.
I've seen everything.
And I got a sixth sense when someone's trying to BS me.
First, I catch you looking into this Lydia Gonsalves' IAB file, now this Sonny Malevsky thing.
I told you, if I can't trust you, how am I gonna ride with you?
And that works both ways, kid.
You know what I'm saying, huh?
Did you ever? 
Did you ever hear of the Blue Templar?
That?
Not in a thousand years. 
Why?
What do you know about them?
That the world changed.
We got a more professional police force now.
No more cowboy posses.
You still didn't tell me why.
I can't tell you that.
You can't or you won't?
You said we gotta trust each other, sarge.
I gotta ask you to trust me on this one.
You got five? 
Speech for Knights of Columbus Monday for you to vet.
In case you have your usual litany of irritating notes.
- Garrett, I'm in no mood.
- The budget?
The mayor is insisting I publicly endorse his budget cuts.
Times are tough.
The practical is sometimes prudent.
You mean the political.
Of course I do.
I cannot run this department with a thousand fewer people.
And I can't prove it unless the crime rate goes up, at which point it'll be too late.
So, Garrett, how could we get out in front of it?
Power of the press?
You tell me.
Headline:
Mayor to N.Y.P.D., "Drop dead."
Maybe something like that.
You do understand what you're proposing?
I'm not proposing anything.
As a matter of fact, I can't even remember this conversation.
Exactly.
- Ray Curston at the paper?
- I can't hear you.
Come on.
- Man, what's she doing here?
- She wanted to talk to you.
Ronnie.
You broke my heart when I was 15.
But what didn't, huh?
I'm gonna get him started.
So, what happened down there?
The more we know, the more we can help you.
No, no, no!
I am not gonna tell the assistant district attorney anything, okay?
I may be out of my mind, but I ain't stupid.
Could've fooled me.
So, what do you want? 
Here I am.
I'm a curiosity to you, huh?
You don't deal with enough scum in your line of work?
- Knock it off.
- Hey, big brother.
I just wanted to tell you that I will try to get you the best legal-aid attorney there is.
Please try to cooperate with them.
Screw it. 
I don't care.
Really? 
Is that why you're on the verge of tears?
It's just the clonazepam kicking in.
- All right, you ready?
- Yeah, let's get him searched.
See you, sis.
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hi.
- Sorry I'm late.
- The meeting ran over?
And over.
- I got beat up pretty good.
- Yeah? 
Who won?
We're in the middle round.
Thank you.
- So how you doing?
- Fine.
Well, you probably talked to Ronnie Cleary by now.
I saw him at Central Booking.
Well, that couldn't have been easy.
Got me thinking about Joe.
Well, it was a big part of your childhood.
My three oldest and the Cleary kids.
Yeah.
Ronnie, Joe and I were like the three musketeers.
- I was such a tomboy then.
- You had a pretty good jump shot.
He was my first kiss.
That I didn't know.
Ha, ha.
There's a lot you don't know, Dad.
I think Joe felt he abandoned Ronnie.
Yeah, we used to talk about that.
Ronnie dove into that half-filled swimming pool, drunk, broke his nose.
That was the last straw for Joe.
You think we'll ever stop missing him?
Yolanda.
I got your message.
Thanks for meeting me.
I knew Detective Gonsalves had a twin, but...
You do, you look exactly like her.
It must be like seeing a ghost.
Yeah, it is.
How's Lydia's daughter?
She misses her mom, but she's adjusting.
We're doing okay.
The reason I wanted to see you,
Lydia left a package for me with her things.
There were insurance issues because of the suicide, and her estate only recently became available to me.
She said that if anything happened to her, that I should give you this.
And it happened.
Thanks.
I don't think your sister's death was a suicide.
I never did either.
She loved her little girl.
And all of us.
I'm gonna make it right.
Maybe what's in there will help.
First three ribs, Dad. 
Prime aged.
Silvano cut it special for you.
Linda wants me to take it out of the fridge
- before Church tomorrow, I know.
- Yep.
You want something to eat?
No, sugar's good for me.
Looks bad for Ronnie Cleary.
Well, we've got good alibis on everybody.
I mean, even Ann Cleary's sometimes boyfriend has been surfing in Costa Rica for the past month.
Never married, never really blossomed Ann Cleary.
Nobody was ever good enough for their baby.
They always kept her in Cadillacs and pocket change.
So, what have you got?
Well, we got enough to make an arrest.
What does Erin say?
Erin says we don't have enough to get a jury to convict.
- We gotta find the murder weapon.
- Well, if it was the kitchen knife, he lives there, his DNA's gonna be all over it.
Yeah, same as everything at the crime scene. 
Just...
- What?
- Well, we found the sneakers in the opposite direction of the motel where we found Ronnie.
Okay, maybe he didn't know where he was going, maybe he was running around in circles. 
Who knows?
But it just seems like we would've found the knife where we found the sneakers.
- And what else?
- Well, there's Mrs. Cleary.
There's sign of a struggle, but she's got no genetic material under her fingernails, except for latex.
- The killer used gloves.
- Right.
Which explains why Ronnie had no scratches or wounds on his hands from the struggle.
Which would mean it wasn't one of his alcoholic rages.
He planned it.
- Right.
- Is that what's bothering you?
Well, I mean, it'd be the first time in his life that Ronnie Cleary planned anything, Dad.
Hey, I thought you were a customer.
You could use a new car there, Danny.
- You think so, huh?
- Yeah. 
Hey,
I can offer you 0.9 financing.
Basically, you're paying for the paperwork.
My wife likes that one.
Look, I just came by to ask you a few questions.
You know, dot a few I's, cross a few T's.
What happened to the whiskey, beer chaser Danny Reagan of old?
- Come on.
- No, it's just Detective Reagan now.
Yeah.
What can I do for you, detective?
Well, I've been thinking, you know, about this thing, the murders.
They were really, really well thought out.
It just doesn't seem like Ronnie, you know?
You're thinking about the Ronnie that you knew.
The heroin-addict version our family's been having to deal with, he is a master of manipulation and lies.
He played my parents.
He bled them dry with those stints in the fancy rehab.
That's a very well-thought-out answer, Al.
What are you trying to do, Danny?
My job.
You don't think this has been hard enough?
Try thinking about Ronnie.
At least now he'll get the help that he needs.
They'll make sure he stays on his meds, right?
Yeah.
Well, I just keep thinking about you.
A 42-year-old guy working under his old-man's thumb, day after day, year after year.
Couldn't be easy.
Well, you should know.
I'm not the only one taking orders from my old man around here.
Right?
Have a seat.
Didn't know you worked on Saturdays.
Thought you were nine-to-fivers.
I'm going on vacation next week.
I'm trying to clear my schedule.
This new business with the missing gun deserves immediate attention.
My gun was taken from my locker.
Or you sold it to somebody.
I didn't sell it to anybody, someone stole it.
A new patrol officer makes $46,000 a year.
You have $85,000 worth of student-loan debt.
Harvard.
Maybe you figured out a way to make some extra cash.
You have proof that I sold it, or is that just an accusation?
Are you challenging me, Reagan?
- No, sir.
- Whether you lost or sold it, that gun is missing.
And it could very easily fall into the wrong hands.
Show up at a crime, a murder.
And that'll be a really bad problem for you.
A real career-changer.
You understand?
- Yes, I think I do.
- Hopefully you find that gun, Reagan.
If not, we will launch a full-blown investigation.
Until then, be advised, we'll be keeping a close eye on you.
You can go.
- Yeah?
- He just left.
So, what do you think?
I think he's a liability.
Okay.
Done just right, Pop.
Mm-hm.
- And you're not an easy sell.
- You've been talking to the mayor?
How's that going, Dad?
Well, they've both drawn their lines in the sand, but, pfft, they're worlds apart.
Been rumbling from the rank and file about reduction of force.
Can we talk about something that doesn't ruin my appetite?
How about the elephant that's in the room?
Terrible thing, that.
I saw Ann Cleary's car in the driveway on the way up.
Looks like she's packing everything.
That's been an unhappy house for a long time.
Whose house are you talking about?
Cellar boy?
- Jack.
- What?
I heard you and Mom talking about him.
Danny was telling me about the father and the kids, you know, about Ronnie.
And while it might sound funny, the cellar-boy thing is not funny.
Well, why not?
Dads shouldn't call their kids names, it belittles them.
- "Belittled"?
- Made them feel bad.
That's right. 
Makes them feel bad about themselves.
It makes them feel small.
- That's what bullies do.
- Just like a bully.
So now it's the father's fault?
Somehow the parents made him do it?
- Do what?
- Focus on your potatoes, please.
Ronnie's got a dual diagnosis, Grandpa.
I mean, with a good lawyer, a sympathetic judge,
- he'll be put in an appropriate facility.
- Or maybe a sympathetic ADA.
He wasn't mental enough not to run, in my book, that's an admission of guilt and sanity.
You might be a hard-ass, Grandpa, but I'm in lockstep with you on this one.
Yeah, boys, don't call anyone names, but feel free to swear at the table.
His dad couldn't accept the fact that his kid was ill.
That was a big part of the problem over there.
Like I said, unhappy house.
Happy families are alike, unhappy families are unhappy in their own way.
- Who said that?
- Other than me? 
Tolstoy.
Well, I'm glad that I was born into this family.
Luck of the draw, sweetie.
Hear, hear.
Luck and looking out for each other.
- Taking care of my car?
- I thought it was my car.
It is.
They don't build them like this anymore.
There's not a computer anywhere, it's pure mechanics.
You didn't say much in there.
I was younger than everybody else.
I didn't really know that family.
You okay?
- I'm fine.
- I'm worried about you.
Since when?
Probably ever since you put on the uniform.
Are you sorry about the choice you made?
Hey, Dad, Mom's tulips are looking great.
Grandpa's really taking good care of them.
- I'd better get going.
- Sure you don't wanna stick around?
No, I got a company reunion, my probationary graduation party, so...
Careful. 
I ended up on my hands and knees behind a dumpster on my night.
Thanks for the visual.
See you guys.
We're making a condolence call to Ann Cleary.
Yeah. 
Slash re-interview.
- Erin's my beard.
- You wanna come?
Not my job.
Well, she's definitely packing up.
Hi, Annie.
Erin, hi.
So I heard what you said to my brother that really upset him.
- Yeah.
- Danny wouldn't be doing his job if he didn't cover every angle.
So you think this idea that Ronnie didn't do it is just a crazy thought, huh?
I mean, you know Al and Ronnie hated each other.
Al was always embarrassed by Ronnie.
Got his teeth knocked out by Ronnie.
You know all the juicy details about the Clearys, huh?
The famous Reagan Sunday dinner.
I bet we were the topic of conversation.
Ronnie always used to rub it in to my folks.
"Why can't we be more like the Reagans?"
That's not fair, Annie.
Well, you should understand what it feels like, Erin.
I mean, this divorce can't be easy for you.
And to think that your misery is the fodder for other people's gossip.
That hurts, right?
Yeah, it does.
Well,
I just wanted you to know what it feels like.
Sorry, I've got work to do.
Annie, hold on a second.
Look, I'm sorry if I upset you.
Good news is we found the knife.
Yeah. 
We're expecting the lab results back tomorrow.
Probably won't find much because we're pretty sure the killer wore gloves, but, you know, maybe we'll get lucky.
Wow, poor Ronnie.
Hey.
You found the murder weapon?
No, I'm just shaking the tree to see if anything falls out.
Is that why you subpoenaed all the phone calls for her and Al?
If I'm right, she's probably calling Al right now.
Hey, see, if I get...
You might as well go home.
It's way too early.
Oh!
Whoa!
Just like you thought, Reagan.
Soon as you leave the house, sister called her brother.
Yup, found out he was here.
Though it's funny, they were smart enough not to speak over the phone just in case we were tapped in.
We wait.
Yeah, we do.
It's Sunday night, Reagan.
I'm missing my Chinese spare ribs and martinis.
Gin and grease, it's a food group, you know.
If this works out, I'll treat you to Peter Luger's.
- Well, well, well.
- I'm getting a T-bone, medium rare.
Looks like they're having a little difference of opinion.
What did I tell you?
- Drop the knife.
You stupid...
- Shut up.
- You shut up.
- Drop the knife, right now!
Damn it, Ann, you idiot.
Mounted Unit Graduation has been moved to 1500.
- Bronx DA has called twice already.
- Screw you, Frank.
"Mayor's draconian budget cuts deny training to New York City's best and brightest future police officers..."
Oh, and look at the pictures.
Women and ethnics and veterans.
Yeah, I'm like Scrooge and the Grinch rolled into one.
You screwed me.
Screw you.
You think I had something to do with that?
Of course you did.
- No, sir.
- Well, how did they get onto it?
How did they get in contact with those cadets?
Well, last time I checked, we live in a democracy and I do not run a secret police.
If I can't deliver a balanced budget, the state takes over.
Now, do you have any idea what those hillbillies upstate will do to your beloved department if they get control of our finances?
Boy.
- What are you gonna do?
- I'm gonna find the money.
But be forewarned, you and your plausible deniability, I mean, it ain't gonna fly no more.
Mayor's a little cranky?
He's sensitive about an article in this morning's paper.
I'll be at my desk.
He ought to be thanking you.
Oh, I don't think we're in any danger of that.
Well, someday he's gonna wake up and realize just how lucky he is to have you.
Or that.
The Knights of Columbus speech, I counted 23 metaphors in five pages.
Gotta be a personal worst.
I'll polish it before breakfast.
I'm the police commissioner, not a politician.
Don't imagine swelling music when you write for me.
Just sirens and gunfire?
Just...
Plain and honest.
- Erin.
- Ronnie.
Hi. 
I'm so happy.
I mean, I'm sad about your parents but I'm glad you're not taking the fall for it.
It's really hard to wrap my head around it.
Yeah. 
Have a seat.
Ann confessed to the whole thing.
It was Al's idea.
I guess the money your parents were gonna spend on that trip was a tipping point for him.
I just keep thinking about that night.
It's just a blank.
Well, Ann laced your grapefruit juice with sleeping pills.
She knew you were on a greyhound bender.
Al wore you shoes through their blood.
How could he do that to me?
To them?
I don't know, Ronnie.
They were gonna plant the knife in your shirt, soaked in your parent's blood, near your motel to seal your fate.
How could they be so cold-blooded?
I guess the short version is they felt cheated.
The long version...
You tell me, I don't know.
I don't know.
What are you gonna do now?
Stay clean?
I'm not looking for a right or wrong answer, Ronnie.
I can't live in that house anymore.
I'm rich, I guess, sort of.
What do you think I should do?
You know, I'm single.
- And rich.
- Ha, ha.
I mentioned that.
That's very sweet, Ronnie.
I think I'll go down to Florida.
I've got a kid down there somewhere.
Will you stay in touch?
Definitely.
Erin, I hope you know how lucky you are.
I do.
What's going on, kid?
Something you should hear.
I'm getting close, but the Templar may have made me.
- That's Joe.
- The night he was killed.
He was working with the FBI, investigating the Blue Templar.
What?
I should have told you a long time ago, Danny.
Does Dad know?
No.

(Henry clears his throat)
Morning, Pop.
You're up early.
Uh, couldn't sleep.
You've been up since 3:30.
I heard you banging around.
Well... mayor's coming in.
He's on my case about the budget.
You've been thinking about Joe.
I always think about Joe.
It's coming up on two years.
Our kids are supposed to bury us.
I know I didn't personally order that warrant enforced, but I was his commissioner.
And sometimes at night, alone...
I find myself left with an inescapable truth:
my son was killed on my watch.
(cell phone rings) Francis, you can't think like... (house phone ringing)
What's up?
Hello?
What?
All right, I'll tell him.
When did this call come in?
Tell my detail
I'm going to want to stop there on the way in.
(phone beeps)
That was Danny.
(sighs)
(people chattering)
FRANK:
As you were.
Frank, is it true about the Clearys?
We'll let you know, Barbara.
Please stand back.
Pop.
I understand.
You go ahead, Francis.
Commissioner. 
Sir.
Danny.
I was on my way into work.
Had to ask twice when they said the address.
Wouldn't sink in.
Different if it's someone you know.
Yeah.
Chief of D's thought you'd have the advantage, this being your home turf. 
Okay.
FRANK:
Him first, then her.
Yeah. 
Maid came in this morning to work and found them like this.
She ran across the street.
Fitzgeralds called 911.
Forced entry? 
Robbery?
Doesn't look like it.
M.E. puts it sometime last night.
He's asleep in front of the TV, she comes down...
Killing was done quick.
Eunice... has defensive wounds.
(rubber gloves snap) I got to tell you,
I don't want to think what I'm thinking, Dad.
Sir? 
The daughter just arrived.
HENRY:
Easy, easy. 
Annie.
You can't go in there.
Nobody can. 
Please...
Please. 
Danny,
Mr. Reagan, what's going on?
Mrs. Fitzgerald said something happened to Mom and Dad.
I'm sorry, Annie.
What do you mean?
What are you talking about?
Ann!
Al.
What's happening?
What's going on?
It's Mom and Dad.
What? 
Are they all right?
Are they inside?
You can't go inside, Al.
It's a crime scene.
Crime scene?
AL: 
Please, Mr. Reagan, just tell me.
Danny...
They were attacked last night and found this morning.
That's all we can say.
(sobs)
What happened?
We can't say.
Danny... please.
This is me.
He'd say that to anyone, Al.
It's an ongoing investigation.
Where's our brother?
Where's Ronnie?
(Frank sighs)
He's not here.
♪ Blue Bloods 1x21 ♪ Cellar Boy Original Air Date on May 6, 2011
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
AL: 
Danny, I knew something was going to happen.
Ever since they let Ronnie move back in.
We can't jump to conclusions, Al.
If it's not true, Ann, where is he?
Listen, we called the warehouse where Ronnie works.
He didn't show up for work this morning.
Do you have any idea where he might have gone?
A friend's house, a girlfriend?
Friends?
Danny... this is Ronnie we're talking about.
What friends he hasn't stolen from, he cut off years ago.
The only friend who stood by him was his sponsor.
(sighs) I only know his first name, but, uh,
Ronnie was going to meetings down at the Methodist Church, on Grove.
Do you know when the last time you saw your parents, or spoke to them last?
Yesterday.
I stopped by on my way home from work.
I talk to my mom every day.
She seemed fine.
Dad left the dealership same as always, around 6:00.
And where were you last night, Al?
What?
Come on, Al. 
I got to ask the questions, all right?
Yeah, uh... 
I was home.
You were with Sharon and the kids?
They're in Florida.
Her father's sick.
Okay, and where were you last night, Ann?
I was home.
Can anybody verify that for you?
Um, the doorman.
AL:
What happens now?
I mean, when do we get to see them?
I have to see them, Danny.
One of you are going to have to come down to the morgue and identify the bodies.
I can't believe this.
This can't be happening.
I hope that you find my brother before I do.
Me, too.
JACKIE: 
You want to bring me up to speed?
Yeah. 
Take a look for yourself.
All right. 
So...
So... it's a lot harder when you know the people, huh?
Yeah, that's what my old man always said.
Got a canine unit out looking for the murder weapon.
There's a, uh, empty slot in the kitchen knife rack that's consistent with the size of the stab wounds.
Pretty distinct footprints through the blood, here.
DANNY:
Yep. 
Made by a one person.
Hey, Jackie.
Hey.
Just talked to Dad.
You really think Ronnie did this?
Well, he's definitely a person of interest.
Have a seat.
We're looking at anybody who had motive or access to the house, which would be the maid, relatives,
Mr. Cleary's employees.
But I got to tell you, Mrs. Fitzgerald does put Ronnie at the house last night.
She said she saw him when she was walking the dog and he was coming home.
There's always been trouble there, but this?
What kind of trouble?
Mr. Cleary rode those kids something terrible.
Mostly the boys, and mostly Ronnie.
Al ended up working for him at the car dealership.
Yeah, but Al was always more resilient.
Ronnie's... sensitive.
Mr. Cleary called Ronnie "cellar boy."
I mean, he thought it was funny.
Ronnie used to cringe at that.
What's "cellar boy"?
He moved into the basement when he was 14.
I don't know what came first, him moving down to the basement or did he move down to the basement to drink and smoke pot.
Where's the mother in all of this?
Rose-colored glasses, I guess.
Yep, they had some knock-down-drag-outs over there, let me tell you.
And they just had one last year-- a... a sector car responded to a 52.
Ronnie and Mr. Cleary going at it again.
35-year-old living at home?
What's that all about?
ERIN: 
You name it.
Bipolar, using.
He'd move out, switch states, switch jobs, get in trouble, move back in, get cleaned up.
Some clean up.
You have any idea where he is?
No.
We've got a FINEST message out on his car, and his AA sponsor said if he hears from Ronnie, he'll give us a call.
Poor Ronnie.
Poor Ronnie?
Take a look at these photos-- poor Ronnie.
Mr. and Mrs. Cleary at the crime scene.
Nice, huh?
MALEVSKY:
Reagan. 
Hey!
Quite the early bird.
Uh, Sergeant Renzulli's good work ethic is wearing off on me.
Ah, your brother Joe's car.
And now it's yours.
What brings you down here, Detective Malevsky?
Why do you ask?
No reason.
"No reason."
There's an answer for the ages.
Be safe.
Hey, Sergeant.
Beach boy.
What, do you got a tan or something? 
Huh?
It's 55 degrees and you're, uh, laying out?
Might be how you spent your day off, Sarge, but...
I was working on my car.
The Chevelle?
Yeah.
Ooh...
Don't make me drool.
Where's my gun?
Huh?
My service weapon.
I always keep it here on the top shelf.
It's gone.
You sure you didn't take it home?
I can't tell you how many times...
No, I'm sure.
I-I never take my service weapon home.
I swap it out with my off-duty... after every tour.
Probably a prank one of the other guys in the precinct's pulling on you.
You tick anybody off?
Besides me, of course.
No.
Only thing is...
I wouldn't steal your gun, I would steal your car.
Listen to me.
Hey! 
Take everything out of the locker and go through the bag again.
Then go back home and go over every square inch of it for that weapon before you report it to the C.O.
All right.
'Cause then it becomes official and you're back under IA investigation.
IA? 
Again?
Oh, yeah.
Losing your gun:
that is not nothing, kid.
Sarge, I just saw Sonny Malevsky out front.
Was he... was he back here?
In here? 
No.
He was... at the front desk schmoozing with the guys when I came in.
Why?
No reason. 
But didn't you say you could get past these locks with a... a pair of scissors, a pencil and a soda can?
You think he stole your gun?
No, I...
Never mind. 
I, uh...
I don't know why I said that.
The mayor, sir.
I asked you to cut ten percent from your budget.
You missed by a mile.
I cut everything I could without crippling this department.
Well, then your department is frozen.
And we'll postpone your June Academy class.
If we don't bring those cops on line, we will be reduced to 1992 levels.
There's no money, Frank.
I am not raising taxes because of you.
In an election year.
In any year!
And every department shares the pain here.
I will not police this city with those kind of reductions of force.
And nobody, including you, will want the kind of pain it brings.
Now, is that a threat, Frank?
The threat here is to the citizens who elected you, and the $30 billion tourist industry we all depend on.
Give me a break, okay?
And the way you injected racism into that tourist shooting-- it-it...
Oh, race was already driving the story.
I just said it out loud.
You're not my Chamber of Commerce.
Just stick to what you know.
What I know is, you cannot cut this force any further.
No, you listen to me.
I am going to the City Council with my budget, with our Commissioners of Fire, Sanitation, Transportation-- all who have been far more cooperative-- and with you, standing alongside me.
And if you try to make me look bad, you'll be bringing a knife to a gunfight.
I promise you.
(door opens and closes)
All right, well, there's plenty of motive here.
I mean, there's a giant insurance policy, and the house.
Yeah, but Ronnie's not the only one.
I mean, all three of these kids stand to inherit.
All right, so Ann Cleary's doorman-- he confirmed the alibi?
Yeah. 
She came home as per usual, though that doesn't mean she might not've left later, so we'll check ARGUS for video footage.
What about Al Cleary?
Al Cleary says he was home alone.
Gotta try to find something to corroborate that.
About Al-- the car dealership was failing.
Two salesmen were let go in the past couple months.
All right, let's make sure we talk to those two. 
What else?
So the father's pouring all of his personal money into keeping the business afloat, and he's taking out of the inheritance.
Al can't be too happy about that.
Okay, but money problems.
I mean, the neighbor told me that old man Cleary had just booked a round-the-world cruise trip for, uh, him and the wife,
That their anniversary was coming up, and the ticket cost somewhere in the ballpark of $100,000.
Well, he may have booked that, but he hasn't started payment on that yet.
(phone rings)
Reagan.
(phone rings) Yeah.
Curatola.
You got caller ID on that?
Great. 
Yeah, we're on our way.
Uh-huh.
Okay, got it.
Get your hat and coat.
That was Ronnie's AA sponsor.
He says Ronnie called him from the Rest-Well Motel.
He sounds suicidal.
Well, FINEST message paid off, too.
Patrol spotted Cleary's car in the parking lot of guess where?
Rest-Well Motel. 
All right.
This is Detective Reagan.
I need a ESU and a patrol to 85 us forthwith at the Rest-Well Motel in Sunset Park.
We got an emotionally disturbed homicide suspect.
Go on! 
Go on, shoot me, you sons of bitches!
Just put down the axe.
We can talk about this.
Nobody wants to hurt you.
I don't want to talk, okay?
!
I don't want to talk!
You come up and get me!
Cleary, please, come on now.
Come on. 
Come on!
RONNIE:
Come on!
(Ronnie and officer shouting)
Go on, shoot!
Okay, what do we got?
He was coming back with take-out. 
He's hyped up.
He smashed the firebox to get an axe.
All right. 
Probably trying to commit suicide by cop.
I know this guy, I can get close to him.
All right? 
I'm going to take over.
RONNIE: 
Do it! 
Do it!
Okay, yeah.
Let me borrow this, all right?
RONNIE:
Come on, do it!
Shoot me!
Hey, Ronnie!
Oh.
It's me! 
It's Danny Reagan!
You remember?
Yeah, I remember you, Danny.
Get out of here! 
Listen,
I'm just gonna come talk to you, all right?
I don't want to talk to you, Danny!
Stay calm, and we'll discuss it, me and you, okay?
I don't want to talk, Danny!
No, no, look. 
Come on, no guns, nothing.
Just me and you, all right?
Don't do nothing stupid!
Don't come any closer!
You get back!
Stay where you are, you son of a bitch!
(sobs): 
Stay where you are!
Don't come any closer to me!
Ronnie. 
Ronnie!
(Ronnie yelling) DANNY: 
Don't shoot! 
Don't shoot!
Hold it! 
Hold it, hold it! 
Don't shoot!
Hold it, hold it, Ronnie, listen to me.
Come on, let's talk.
Me and you now, all right?
Like when we were kids.
Friends, all right?
No. 
No. 
No. 
No.
Come on, you can trust me, Ronnie. 
Come on.
I don't want to talk, Danny, please.
Please, just let them kill me. 
Please.
I can't let them shoot you, Ronnie, all right?
We're just gonna talk, me and you, all right?
You're ruining everything, Danny!
Ronnie...
You're ruining it!
(yelling)
(clicking)
Damn it!
OFFICER:
Suspect's down.
This is stupid, Ronnie.
OFFICER:
We're all clear!
Let's go.
You want anything, Ronnie?
Some water?
Did you eat anything?
Water maybe.
They gave me some crackers after the psych exam.
That and a clonazepam.
Knock it off.
This isn't some drug possession or petty larceny case, Ronnie.
It's a double homicide.
You already told me that.
Think you could lose these cuffs, Danny?
Nah, I can't do that, Ronnie.
Now let's go over this one more time, okay?
Two people-- your mother and father-- were murdered ten feet above your head, and you didn't hear anything?
You don't remember anything?
I got up that morning to go to work.
Mm-hmm.
I went upstairs to get some breakfast and...
I saw them like that.
Right.
And what did you do?
Right.
You ran away.
That's your parents, Ronnie.
If you didn't kill them, then why didn't you call 911?
I didn't want to go to jail.
Then why'd you kill them?
I didn't kill them.
What happened, Ronnie?
You and your old man get into it again, is that it?
Huh? 
He found out you were using again?
No. 
See, now I know you're lying to me, Ronnie.
Now I know.
You know why?
'Cause we found the weed, and we found the prescription vial, and we found a half-drunk bottle of vodka under your bed.
I'm not using heroin.
What'd you do, Ronnie?
What'd you do?
You get all juiced up and pass out and sleep right through your parents' murder?
Is that what you're telling me?
Was it one of your blackouts, Ronnie?
Stop it.
Stop what?
I'm not going to stop a damn thing until I find out who killed Kevin and Eunice Cleary.
You follow me?
Why didn't you just let me die?
Why didn't you just let them shoot me, Danny?
All right, Ronnie, all right.
Let's say it wasn't you, then.
Who did it?
Huh? 
Who did it if it wasn't you?
I don't know. 
Some guy my old man sold a lemon to?
You knew him, Danny.
Outside of the house he was Mr. Popularity, hail-fellow-well-met.
Inside of the house, a real son of a bitch.
Reagan, talk to you?
(quietly):
Yeah.
Sit tight.
Canine picked up a scent on these and found them in a trash can in a corner of a park nearby.
All right.
DANNY:
These look familiar, Ronnie?
No.
Well, they're yours.
And they're going down to the lab, and they're gonna type the blood in the treads to your mom.
And then they're gonna match the wear in the treads to the footprints found in the blood.
Isn't that right, Ronnie?
(stiffled sobs)
Get him down to Central Booking.
(sobbing):
No. 
Oh, no. 
No...
No. 
I... please, Danny, don't.
Get out. 
Get out.
Danny!
There we go.
All right. 
Thanks.
There you go.
We need to talk, Reagan.
You know, I've been on the job 20 years.
I've seen everything.
And I got a sixth sense when someone's trying to BS me.
First, I catch you looking into this Lydia Gonsalves IAB file, now this Sonny Malevsky thing.
I told you, if I can't trust you, how am I going to ride with you?
That works both ways, kid.
You know what I'm saying?
Huh?
Did you ever... did you ever hear of the Blue Templar?
That? 
Uh-uh.
Not in a thousand years. 
Why?
What do you know about them?
That the world changed.
We got a more professional police force now.
No more cowboy posses.
You still didn't tell me why.
I can't tell you that.
You can't or you won't?
You said we gotta... we gotta trust each other, Sarge.
I gotta ask you to trust me on this one.
You got five?
Speech for Knights of Columbus Monday for you to vet, in case you have your usual litany of irritating notes.
Garrett, I'm in no mood.
The budget?
The mayor's insisting I publicly endorse his budget cuts.
Times are tough.
The practical is sometimes prudent.
You mean the political.
Of course I do.
I cannot run this department with a thousand fewer people.
And I can't prove it unless the crime rate goes up, at which point it'll be too late. 
So, Garrett... how could we get out in front of it?
Power of the press?
You tell me.
Headline:
Mayor to NYPD-
- Drop Dead?
Maybe something like that.
You do understand what you're proposing here.
I'm not proposing anything.
As a matter of fact, I can't even remember this conversation.
Exactly.
Ray Curston at the paper?
I can't hear you.
(buzzer sounds)
Come on.
Aw, man.
What's she doing here?
She wanted to talk to you.
Oh, Ronnie.
You broke my heart when I was 15.
But what didn't, huh?
All right, I'm gonna get him started.
So what happened down there?
I mean, the more we know, the more we can help you.
No, no, no, no, no, no! 
No!
I am not going to tell the Assistant District Attorney anything, okay?
I may be out of my mind, but I ain't stupid.
Could've fooled me.
So what do you want? 
Hmm?
Here I am.
I'm a curiosity to you? 
Huh?
You don't deal with enough scum in your line of work?
Hey. 
Knock it off.
Hey, big brother.
I just wanted to tell you that I would try to get you the best Legal Aid Attorney there is.
Please try to cooperate with them.
Screw it. 
I don't care.
Really? 
Is that why you're on the verge of tears?
It's just the clonazepam kicking in.
All right. 
You ready?
Yeah, let's get him searched.
DANNY:
See you, sis.
Sweetheart.
Hi.
Sorry I'm late.
Meeting ran over?
(sighs) And over.
I got beat up pretty good.
Yeah?
Who won?
We're in the middle rounds.
Thank you.
(sighs) So how are you doing?
Fine.
Well, you probably talked to Ronnie Cleary by now.
Saw him at Central Booking.
Yeah, well, that couldn't have been easy.
Got me thinking about Joe.
That was a big part of your childhood, my three oldest and the Cleary kids.
Yeah. 
Ronnie, Joe and I were like the Three Musketeers.
I was such a tomboy then.
You had a pretty good jump shot.
He was my first kiss.
That I didn't know.
(chuckles) There's a lot you don't know, Dad.
I think Joe felt he abandoned Ronnie.
Yeah, we used to talk about that.
Ronnie dove into that half-filled swimming pool drunk, broke his nose.
That was the last straw for Joe.
You think we'll ever stop missing him?
Yolanda, I got your message.
Thanks for meeting me.
I knew Detective Gonsalves had a twin, but you do, you look exactly like her.
Must be like seeing a ghost.
Yeah, it is.
How is Lydia's daughter?
She misses her mom, but she's adjusting.
We're doing okay.
The reason I wanted to see you,
Lydia left a package for me with her things.
There were insurance issues because of the suicide, and her estate only recently became available to me.
She said that if anything happened to her that I should give you this.
And it happened.
Thanks.
I don't think your sister's death was a suicide.
I never did either.
She loved her little girl... and all of us.
I'm gonna make it right.
Maybe what's in there will help.
First three ribs, Dad, prime aged.
Silvano cut it special for you.
And Linda wants me to take it out of the fridge before church tomorrow, I know.
Yep. 
You want something to eat?
Uh, nah, sugar's good for me.
It looks bad for Ronnie Cleary.
Well, we got good alibis on everybody.
I mean, even Ann Cleary's sometimes boyfriend has been surfing in Costa Rica for the past month.
Never married, never really blossomed, Ann Cleary.
Nobody was ever good enough for their baby.
They always kept her in Cadillacs and pocket change.
So, what do you got?
Well, we got enough to make an arrest.
What does Erin say?
Erin says we probably don't have enough to get a jury to convict-- we gotta find the murder weapon.
Well, if it was the kitchen knife, he lives there.
His DNA's gonna be all over it.
Yeah, same as everything at the crime scene.
Just...
What?
Well, we found the sneakers in the opposite direction of the motel where we found Ronnie.
So, okay, maybe he didn't know where he was going, maybe he was running around in circles. 
Who knows?
But it just seems like we would have found the knife where we found the sneakers.
And what else?
Well, there's Mrs. Cleary.
I mean, there's signs of a struggle, but she's got no genetic material under her fingernails except for latex.
The killer used gloves.
Right. 
Which explains why Ronnie had no scratches or wounds on his hands from the struggle.
Which would mean it wasn't one of his alcoholic rages-- he planned it.
Right.
Is that what's bothering you?
Well, I mean, it would be the first time in his life that Ronnie Cleary planned anything, Dad.
Hey, I thought you were a customer.
Ah... 
You could use a new car there, Danny.
Think so, huh?
Yeah.
Hey, I can offer you .9 financing.
Basically, you're paying for the paperwork.
Ah, my wife likes that one.
(chuckles)
Look, I just came by to ask you a few questions, you know, dot a few I's, cross a few T's.
What happened to the whiskey, beer chaser Danny Reagan of old?
Yeah.
Come on.
Nah, it's just Detective Reagan now.
Yeah.
What can I do for you, Detective?
Well, I've been thinking about this thing, the murders.
They were really, really well thought out.
It just doesn't seem like Ronnie, you know?
You're thinking about the Ronnie that you knew.
The heroin-addict version our family's been having to deal with, he is a master of manipulation and lies.
He played my parents.
He bled them dry with those stints in the fancy rehab.
That's a very well-thought-out answer, Al.
What are you trying to do, Danny?
My job.
You don't think this has been hard enough?
Why don't you try thinking about Ronnie?
At least now he'll get the help that he needs.
They'll make sure he stays on his meds, right?
Yeah, well, I just keep thinking about you.
A 42-year-old guy working under his old man's thumb day after day, year after year?
Couldn't be easy.
You should know.
I'm not the only one taking orders from my old man around here. 
Right?
(knocking on door)
Have a seat.
Didn't know you guys worked on Saturday.
Thought you were nine-to-fivers.
I'm going on vacation next week, I'm trying to clear my schedule.
This new business with the missing gun deserves immediate attention.
My gun was taken from my locker.
Or you sold it to somebody.
I didn't sell it to anybody.
Someone stole it.
A new patrol officer makes $46,000 a year.
You have $85,000-worth of student loan debt, Harvard.
Maybe you figured out a way to make some extra cash.
You have proof that I sold it, or is that just an accusation?
Are you challenging me, Reagan?
No, sir.
Whether you lost it or sold it, that gun is missing, and it could very easily fall into the wrong hands.
Show up in a crime, a murder.
And that'll be a really bad problem for you.
A real career changer.
You understand?
Yes, I think I do.
Hopefully, you find that gun, Reagan.
If not, we will launch a full-blown investigation.
Until then, be advised we'll be keeping a close eye on you.
You can go.
(phone rings)
Yeah?
He just left.
So what do you think?
I think he's a liability.
Okay.
Done just right, Pop.
Mm-hmm.
And you're not an easy sell.
You've been talking to the mayor?
How's that going, Dad?
Well, they've both drawn their lines in the sand, but they're worlds apart.
Been a lot of rumbling from the rank and file about reduction of force.
Can we talk about something that doesn't ruin my appetite?
How about the elephant that's in the room?
Terrible thing, that.
I saw Ann Cleary's car in the driveway on the way up.
Looks like she's packing everything.
That's been a unhappy house for a long time.
Whose house are you talking about-- cellar boy?
Jack.
What? 
I heard you and Mom talking about him.
Danny was telling me about the father and the kids, you know, about Ronnie.
And while it might sound funny, the cellar boy thing is not funny, Jack.
Well, why not?
Dads shouldn't call their kids names.
It belittles them.
Belittled?
Made them feel bad.
That's right. 
It makes them feel bad about themselves and makes them feel small.
That's what bullies do.
Just like a bully.
HENRY: 
So now it's the father's fault somehow?
The parents made him do it?
Do what?
Would you just focus on your potatoes, please?
ERIN: 
Ronnie's got a dual diagnosis, Grandpa.
I mean, with a good lawyer and sympathetic judge, he'll be put in an appropriate facility.
Or maybe a sympathetic ADA.
HENRY: 
He wasn't mental enough not to run.
In my book, that's an admission of guilt and sanity.
Yep. 
You know, you might be a hard-ass, Grandpa, but I'm in lockstep with you on this one.
Yeah, boys, don't call anyone names, but feel free to swear at the table.
His dad couldn't accept the fact that his kid was ill.
That was a big part of the problem over there.
Like I said, unhappy house.
Happy families are alike.
Unhappy families are unhappy in their own way.
Who said that?
Other than me? 
Tolstoy.
(chuckles)
Well, I'm glad that I was born into this family.
Luck of the draw, sweetie.
DANNY:
Hear, hear.
HENRY: 
Luck and looking out for each other.
You taking care of my car?
I thought it was my car.
It is.
They don't build 'em like this anymore.
It's... not a computer anywhere.
It's pure mechanics.
You didn't say much in there.
I was younger than everybody else.
I didn't really know that family.
You okay?
I'm fine.
I'm worried about you.
Since when?
Probably ever since you put on the uniform.
You sorry about the choice you made?
ERIN:
Hey, Dad,
Mom's tulips are looking great.
Grandpa's really taking good care of them.
I'm gonna get going.
You sure you don't want to stick around?
No, I got a company reunion;
my probationary graduation party, so...
Careful. 
I ended up on my hands and knees behind a Dumpster on my night.
Thanks for the visual.
See you guys.
We're making a condolence call to Ann Cleary.
Yeah, "slash" reinterview.
Erin's my beard.
You want to come?
(engine starting) Not my job.
Well, she's definitely packing up.
Hi, Annie.
Erin. 
Hi.
So... heard what you said to my brother.
That really upset him.
Yeah.
Danny wouldn't be doing his job if he didn't cover every angle.
DANNY:
So you think this idea that Ronnie didn't do it is just a crazy thought, huh?
I mean, you know Al and Ronnie hated each other.
I mean, Al was embarrassed by Ronnie.
Got his teeth knocked out by Ronnie.
You know all the juicy details about the Clearys, huh?
The famous Reagan Sunday dinner.
I bet we were the topic of conversation.
Ronnie always used to rub it into my folks-- why can't we be more like the Reagans?
That's not fair, Annie.
Well, you should understand what it feels like, Erin.
I mean, this divorce can't be easy for you.
And to think that your misery is the... the fodder for other people's gossip, that hurts, right?
Yeah, it does.
Well, I just... wanted you to know what it feels like.
(sighs)
Sorry. 
I've got work to do.
Annie, hold on a second.
Um, look, I'm sorry if I upset you.
The good news is, we found the knife.
Yeah.
We're expecting the lab results back tomorrow.
Probably won't find much 'cause we're pretty sure the killer wore gloves, but, you know, maybe we'll get lucky.
Wow. 
Poor Ronnie.
Hey.
You found the murder weapon?
No. 
Just shaking the tree to see if anything falls out.
Is that why you subpoenaed all the phone calls for her and Al?
If I'm right, she's probably calling Al right now.
(indistinct chatter)
(engine starting)
(horn honking)
(tires squealing)
(horn honking)
(horn honking)
(tires squealing)
(panting)
JACKIE:
Just like you thought, Reagan, soon as you leave the house, sister called her brother.
Yep, and found out he was here.
Though it's funny they were smart enough not to, uh, speak over the phone just in case we were tapped in.
JACKIE:
We wait.
Yeah, we do.
It's Sunday night, Reagan.
I'm missing my Chinese spareribs and martinis.
Gin and grease-- it's a food group, you know.
This works out, I'll treat you to Peter Luger's.
Well, well, well.
Ooh. 
I'm getting a T-bone, medium rare.
DANNY:
Looks like they're having a little difference of opinion.
(no audio)
(engine starting)
AL: 
What did I tell you?
Drop the knife.
You stupid...
Shut up.
You shut up.
Drop the knife right now!
AL:
Damn it, Ann! 
You idiot!
(knife clatters)
BAKER:
Mounted Unit graduation has been moved to 1500.
Bronx DA has called twice already.
Screw you, Frank.
"Mayor's Draconian budget cuts
"deny training to New York City's best and brightest future police officers."
Blah, blah, blah.
Oh, and look at the pictures-- women and... and ethnics and veterans.
Yeah, I-I'm like Scrooge and the Grinch rolled into one.
You screwed me.
Screw you.
You think I had something to do with that?
Of course, you did!
No, sir.
Well, how did they get onto it?
How did they get in contact with those cadets?
Well, last time I checked, we live in a democracy, and I do not run a secret police.
If I can't deliver a balanced budget, the State takes over.
Now, do you have any idea what those hillbillies upstate will do to your beloved department if they get control of our finances?
Boy. 
What are you going to do?
I'm going to find the money somewhere.
But be forewarned, you and your plausible deniability--
I mean, it ain't going to fly no more.
(sighs)
Mayor's a little cranky.
He's sensitive about an article in this morning's paper.
I'll be at my desk.
He ought to be thanking you.
Oh, I don't think we're in any danger of that.
Well, someday he's going to wake up and realize just how lucky he is to have you.
Or that.
The, uh, Knights of Columbus speech--
I counted 23 metaphors in five pages.
Got to be a personal worst.
I'll polish it before breakfast.
I'm the police commissioner, not a politician.
Don't imagine swelling music when you write for me.
Just sirens and gunfire?
Just... plain and honest.
Erin.
Ronnie. 
Hi.
I'm so happy.
I mean, I'm sad about your parents, but I'm glad you're not taking the fall for it.
It's really hard to wrap my head around it.
Yeah. 
Um, have a seat.
Ann confessed to the whole thing.
It was Al's idea.
I guess the money your parents were going to spend on that trip was a tipping point for him.
I just keep thinking about that night.
It's just a blank.
Well, Ann laced your grapefruit juice with sleeping pills.
She knew you were on a greyhound bender.
Al wore your shoes through their blood.
How could he do that to me?
To them?
I don't know, Ronnie.
They were going to plant the knife and your shirt, soaked in your parents' blood, near your motel to seal your fate.
(sighs)
How could they be so cold-blooded?
I guess the short version is, they felt cheated.
The long version-- you tell me.
I don't know.
I don't know.
What are you going to do now?
Stay clean?
I'm not looking for a right or wrong answer, Ronnie.
Oh.
I can't live in that house anymore.
I'm rich, I guess, sort of.
What do you think I should do?
You know I'm single.
And rich.
(laughs)
I mentioned that.
That's very sweet, Ronnie.
I think I'll go down to Florida.
I got a kid down there somewhere.
Will you stay in touch?
Definitely.
Erin, I hope you know how lucky you are.
I do.
What's going on, kid?
(sighs)
Something you should hear.
JOE (recorded):
I'm getting close, but the Templar may have made me.
That's Joe.
The night he was killed.
He was working with the FBI, investigating the Blue Templar.
What?
I should have told you a long time ago, Danny.
Does Dad know?
No.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

You think the London Fields boys could come to Summerhouse if he was doing his job right?
What do you want from me?
Let me run Summerhouse.
Do you have a history of mental illness, Lisa?
Mum, mum.
Is someone looking after Ra'Nell?
Are you pregnant or just fat?
Shut up, man.
How long's it take to grow a crop?
13 weeks, I give you good price.
They put her in a mental hospital.
If they found out, I'd go in care.
We've got this place in Finchley, it's set up.
You know we're fucked now.
That's 40 bags' worth of my grub that you've lost.
I promise ya, let me get your money back.
Well, I know I'll get my money, but what you two should've said is when?
You got three days.
Three days?
There's no way we're going to get your money in three days, Bobby.
Really?
I must've been off my fuckin' canister doing business with you.
I told ya. 
You told me what?
We said we're going to get his money, we'll get his fucking money.
Calm down, listen.
Bobby we're going to get your money, yeah?
All we need is some guns.
Guns?
Guns?
Don't make me laugh.
That's twice Kamale's robbed us now, both times he was carrying.
I ain't no hothead, you know that.
I'm saying, we're going to need some more time, going to need some guns.
You got two weeks, that's it.
Now fuck off, the pair of ya.
Go on, fuck off.
They're going to think you've gone soft.
Yeah?
Well that would be a big mistake, Lee.
Ya know what I'm thinking?
We got a snake, bruv, That's twice, that ain't no coincidence.
What you saying?
I don't know, man, something ain't right.
Put your seat belt on.
Everything's all right but you're going to have to take it easy.
Rest?
I don't do rest, it's not me.
Heather, I'm being serious, that was a close call.
If you want to keep this baby, you've got to look after yourself.
Is there anyone who can help you out?
Come on, Marnie, good girl.
Good girl, come on.
You'll need this to keep her warm.
Marnie, look what Ra'nell got you.
You all right?
I did a bit of extra cleaning for my nan and I wanted to give you this.
What?
You've been on your own all this time, I'm only trying to help.
I don't need your money.
How many times do I tell you, when someone offers you money, you take it?
!
Ra'Nell!
Ra'Nell!
Shit, there's that milf.
Aren't you coming to class?
I wouldn't do this, babes, believe me.
But I've got no other choice.
I need to ask you a favour.
OK.
Come with me, yeah?
Fucking hell!
You've got a sick farm.
You ain't meant to know about farms.
I'm nearly 14.
That's what I mean.
I wouldn't ask you to do this, Ra'Nell, but I've been told to take it easy.
Or else I could have another miscarriage.
I'm sorry. 
I shouldn't talk about shit like that to you.
You haven't got to do much.
It's all pretty straightforward and I'll pay ya.
But I need to know I can depend on you.
OK.
You have to be very, very careful.
You can't tell no-one, and I mean no-one. 
Not your best mate, not your girlfriend...
No-one, and especially not your mum.
I won't say anything.
I could go to prison for this.
Do you understand?
Right.
Let me show you what to do.
This is long.
Kamale is going to be hiding in his yard right now.
He ain't going to be out on the road.
Fucking 40 grand, y'know?
He's got to be fucking somewhere.
Well, we're gonna find him.
Right now, I'm fucking hungry though.
Man.
You Chris Hill?
That's right. 
You are?
Get the...
My god!
Leave her alone!
Get off me, get off of me!
Your brother Dushane owes me 40 grand. 
Little cunt.
OK, I'll pay it, I'll make sure he pays.
Listen. 
Next time you see him, you show him your chest.
No, please, God... 
No!
Bro, we got two weeks, we have to work out how we're gonna get to Kamale.
He's a smart bruvva.
Bruv, he's smart.
Bruv, he's on the 20th floor, he's at the top of the block.
You know the lift ain't working in that bitch, yeah?
Man's got to climb all them fucking stairs, get into the flat, then deal with them and then get all the way back down again... without getting seen.
I can't see that happening, bruv.
That's on top.
You know what? 
We should've just killed him when we had the chance.
What you saying, what, you're ready to kill, yeah?
Thanks for coming. 
You don't understand what a relief this is.
How's your mum?
She's in hospital.
What?
What do you mean she's in hospital?
Why didn't you tell me?
What's wrong with her, what's happened?
Ra'nell, what's happened to your mum? 
Can you talk to me?
Chill out, she's gonna be all right.
It's all gonna be cool.
She's just a bit tired.
Leon said she'll be home soon.
Who you staying with?
Who's looking after you, Ra'Nell?
Well, look... do you wanna come and stay at mine?
Nah, Leon brings me food so it's all right.
Promise me.
Yeah, I promise.
All right.
You fucking bastard.
Nat? 
What you doing?
You fucking bastard!
What? 
What are you doing?
!
Chris is in hospital because of you!
Why, what's wrong with him?
Because you owe someone money, they came into my house, they put an iron on his chest!
Who? 
Who the fuck are you talking about?
! 
Natalie!
What hospital is he in?
No! 
You stay the fuck away from us!
We don't want you in our lives anymore.
Fuck this.
Oi, Dushane!
Where you been? 
I sent you a text.
I was busy, innit.
Yeah, what was you busy at?
You ain't got the right to ask me that. 
You ain't my old man.
As long as you wasn't hanging with them boys on the road.
I wasn't with them.
Good. 
So where you been?
With a girl.
A girl?
Precious.
Precious?
Go inside and smarten yourself up.
I got a surprise for you.
Oi!
Fucking pussy! 
Fucking pussy!
Ai, ai, move, move, move, move, move!
You fucking pussy!
Don't ever come after my family again, you understand?
!
Pussy hole!
Fucking mugs.
Come on then. 
Cunts.
Come on.
You're late.
Sorry. 
I got caught up.
You've got two minutes, Leon, otherwise I'm fucked.
Lisa?
Lise? 
Got a visitor.
Let me see you.
You all right, Mum?
I'm going to get better...
I promise.
I won't ever leave you again.
Don't worry about it, Mum.
I promise.
I'm doing all right at school.
That's good.
I'm sorry you have to see me like this.
It's all right, Mum, don't worry about it.
I'm sorry, baby.
Come on, we gotta go.
This is yours.
That ain't ours, bruv.
It is.
Weirdo!
Open it up.
Shit.
Must be Raikes', innit?
Yeah, but how we going to do that?
That's the ting.
We're going to lure him out, bruv.
Lure him out. 
That's smart.
Oi, but yo, that kid with the dog as well.
He's fuckin' gotta get it as well, you know.
Nah, man, we don't even know he's the snake yet.
Come on, man.
What?
Bruv, who else could it be, then?
No-one. 
Tell Dris and them to keep an eye on him.
Don't do nothin' yet.
..Bruv, what are you doing?
Move from me.
Don't come near me with that orange.
Stealing oranges from the market, yeah?
Old habits, you know, you know how it is.
What are you looking at, man?
Here, here take that bag?
Quickly. 
Take it, man!
Yo. 
Yo, Wendell.
Dushane!
That your son?
Yeah, this is Jason.
How old?
Five.
Jason got any brothers or sisters?
One of each. 
Twins.
They're three now.
What you sayin', little man?
You all right?
You livin' round here now?
No, his mum's mum lives round the corner. 
You're looking good.
Yeah, you too.
Yeah, you know.
Gettin' older.
I gotta go pick up the twins from school.
Good to see you.
Yeah, you too.
Yo, Jason...
Take care, yeah?
Say goodbye, Jason. 
Say goodbye.
You don't have to be shy with me, you know.
I'm your brother.
I'm Dushane.
See ya later.
Who's the older, fam?
No-one. 
Come, man!
Go on, go and steal some meat!
I might do.
Come.
How's that feel?
It's all right.
You ever see Wayne?
I don't have much to do with Wayne no more, you know.
You must see him around?
I see him around from time to time, but...
How was he?
Wayne's Wayne.
Lisa, look, right now...
I didn't need to ask that, did I?
If there's one thing Wayne couldn't do without is a woman.
She's welcome to him.
Does he ever ask about me?
Does he ask about his son?
Wayne ain't going to change, Lise.
I can let you have that for three and a half, yeah.
All right, George.
What day for?
On the 26th?
I can do that, all right.
Yeah, all right.
Bye-bye. 
Thank you. 
Ta-ra.
Bobby.
Yeah, go on.
Cor, fuck, look at the state of you! 
What's happened?
They fucking jumped me!
Who?
!
Who do you think? 
Dushane and Sully!
There's gotta be comeback, Bobby.
They can't disrespect me. 
If they disrespect me, they disrespect you!
Yeah, of course, mate. 
But...
People saw what fuckin' happened in the club! 
They fuckin' saw it!
Yeah, but Lee...
Here's my problem, mate.
Them two little fuckers owe me a lotta money.
Now, anything happens to them and I don't get my money, then I'm outta pocket.
Fuck that! 
It's fucking political, mate! 
They can't do what they did and expect nothing to come fucking back at them!
Well, then, go and kill 'em, Lee.
But if you do that, then you have to take on the debt.
Fuck!
Right, Lee, listen.
I tell you what we do.
If they don't meet that deadline, then be my guest. 
You can kill 'em.
Then the debt becomes yours, my friend.
Here's that little snake, bruv.
I need to keep an eye on that yout, swear down.
Wagwan, Gem.
What you sayin', cuz?
You all right.
Gem, watcha doin'?
Nothin'. 
Just buying' paint.
What you buyin' paint for, man?
Painting Ra'nell mum's room, innit.
Yeah?
What colour?
It's like yellow-ish.
It's Loyal Wheat, man.
I like yellow, innit.
I got that in my room.
Hey, Gem, you coming?
So what, does your dog do any tricks?
Yeah. 
Marnie!
Sit. 
Sit! 
Sit!
Come on, girl. 
Beg. 
Beg! 
Beg!
Usually does it. 
Marnie, sit!
That dog's dead, bruv.
Balance. 
Balance. 
Balance.
That's hard still!
Good girl!
Good girl.
The dog's sick, bruv.
I'm A Big Man
Oi, Ra'nell. 
Is there anyone troubling' you or disrespecting' you?
If anyone tries it with you, see Gem. 
I'll fuck them up good for you.
Cos they respect me, bruv.
Why d'ya think?
Does Chantelle respect you?
I think so, she loves Marnie as well.
I seen the way you look at her man, I know you like her.
Shut up, man!
Are you going to take pics?
No, no, I'm not going to take pics.
When I think it's ready. 
I don't need you telling me what to do.
Hey, I'm starting to get bored already, man. 
This is so shit.
This is going to take long, man, I should've stolen a roller instead.
Can you remember what you were like when you first came in?
You were extremely withdrawn, very down.
Well, that's common with psychotic depression.
But you've come a long way.
You're interacting much more with the other patients now.
And you've started using the gym, I see, with Leon?
Leon, yeah. 
Leon's been very nice to me.
There's a light at the end of the tunnel, Lisa.
We're going to help you find it.
How would you feel about going out for a day? 
Would you like that?
I think so.
Yes, doctor.
Get your clothes.
Get ready, blood.
Are we going?
Come on, let's go, innit.
Just come, come on.
Where's your clothes?
Where we going? 
Where we going?
Just put your clothes on.
Get the fuck out of here.
I'm not going to put my clothes on.
Where's my keys?
What's the hurry?
You've been asking questions all the time, man.
You got nice feet.
Thanks.
See you later.
Come on. 
Come on.
Yo?
Yo, I might've seen Kamale.
Where?
The bowling alley. 
Ninja and Tyler and some Field Goons.
All right, bruv, go to the back, yeah, I'm going to meet you there.
'All right, cool, cool.'
Bruv, Tareek just saw Ninja and them mandem in the bowling alley, fam.
I don't even know.
Ring Dris and tell him to pick up the pieces from the little ones.
Yo. 
Keep that low, cos it's bait out here.
Bere cameras, innit.
All right, just look out for me, fam.
What you saying?
I've seen someone that looks like Kamale, but I'm not sure if it's him.
Then there's no point in goin' in there unless we know for sure, bruv.
You know Ninja and them, man, they always carry.
I hear that, but this could be our last chance, yeah.
You know what Kamale looks like?
Yeah.
- Yeah, that's good.
- That was all right.
Sea of Love
Can you see if Kamale's with 'em?
I can't see and I don't want to look.
So just chill out.
I didn't know they had guns.
Did you know they had guns?
No.
You stay here.
I'm going to go to the ladies.
Ain't him.
Fuck!
That's a shame, bruv.
Fuckin' come down for no reason. 
Shit!
I am not bringing up my kid round here, no way.
It's not that bad.
Yeah, that's cos we're used to it.
There are places, believe it or not, where you can let your kids out at night, and not worry about them being stabbed or picked on by police,
That's one of them places I want to live.
Where?
It's a new development, really quiet, beautiful. 
It's just perfect.
Well, all depends on the crop, don't it? 
How much I get.
If you don't get enough from this, grow another one. 
You'd be rich.
I have thought about that, but it's like gambling, innit?
You say you're going to do one more, then stop, but you don't.
People get greedy and that's how they get caught.
So don't tell... or I'm dead.
Good.
Yo, look who it is.
Who is it?
That's Shaun.
Who's Shaun?
Kamale's cousin.
Year below us in school.
Yeah, but he ain't even on the road, he don't run with Kamale and them.
Yeah, but he's family, blood.
You get what I'm sayin'?
All set?
Yeah.
You need to be back in the hospital by 9pm.
Don't be late.
It's very important, OK?
I won't.
Have a great day.
Dushane, listen, we're running out of time, bro.
If we don't get this money, trust me, we're fucking dead meat.
If we mark Shaun like they mark Chris, I'm telling you.
Sends out a message.
We or one of your family will keep on till we get our fucking food back.
Sure they're on the road?
Chris weren't on the road.
That didn't stop them.
Trust me, bro, it's better they ain't on the road.
That way, it sends a bigger message.
You know what?
Kamale wants his cousin back, he has to bring the food, innit?
Simple.
That could work.
Hi.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Can I get that?
Do I owe you money?
No, that's all right, darling.
You don't owe me nothing.
Thank you.
I'll put all this in there for you.
There.
OK, thank you.
Stay bliss.
Hey, bruv. 
Jules told me that you're a virgin.
Is that true?
Yeah, so what?
You serious?
Yeah.
Bruv, what is up with that?
I'm holding it for that special girl.
Bruv, you sound gay.
I'm not gay. 
I've got girls.
You've got girls?
Yeah, I got plenty of girls.
So, what do you do with these girls if you're a virgin then?
I get sucked, blatant.
Is it?
!
Yeah.
What else do you do then?
I get a smelly finger.
That it?
Yeah.
Sure you ain't pushing nothing in there?
Like your tongue?
You're a bocat man, sharp.
Any girl would tell you the tongue's a good tool.
Bollocks.
Hey, Gem!
I bet Snake's a bocat.
Gem ain't no snake.
Ain't what Jules says.
Yeah, I'm good.
Where are you going?
To our den.
What's that?
Where me and Marnie go and hang out.
Why don't you come and check it out?
Yeah. 
Oi, you coming?
No, I'm cool. 
I'm going home.
You sure? 
Yeah.
All right, cool.
Come on.
This guy's a bocat, you know.
Shut up!
William?
The pump.
It's stopped working, I can't get it started.
Shit.
I'll be there as soon as I can, all right?
You've got to keep the plants watered. 
Do it by hand.
I'll do it now.
Listen, I've really got to go.
I'm sorry, I've got an emergency.
I'm sorry.
Well done, Ra'Nell.
This place is sick, man.
How did you find it?
Me and Ra'Nell found it when we were It's been our hang about since.
And you've got a little bed for Marnie!
That's proper cute.
We sometimes sleep here in the summer.
Don't you get scared?
Don't your parents ask where you are?
No. 
It's just me and my dad.
He's always at the chippy, so he don't really realise.
She went away.
Where?
You for real?
You don't know where your mum is?
No.
Feels like Dushane and Sully are like my family, innit?
So... 
That's the only people I've kind of got.
What, ain't you never been drunk before?
No.
Yeah.
God, man.
What perfume are you wearing?
What?
What perfume are you wearing?
You smell nice.
Thank you.
Natural smell?
Yeah.
Do you have a girlfriend?
No.
You ain't got no girlfriend?
What, are you gay or something?
No, just...
None of the girls in my school are as pretty as you.
Don't make me blush.
You are nice though.
You're really nice.
Thank you.
Boys are not usually nice to me.
It's cold.
Hey, Mum, you gonna make me some of that pepper sauce?
Pepper sauce takes too long to make.
Mum, what you being like that for?
What's wrong with you?
Come on, you know I need my sauce.
Or else I can't eat nothing, I'm going to start losing my appetite and then I'll lose weight, I'll be all skinny and that.
All right, I'll make you pepper sauce, but you have to do something for me.
Well, of course.
Come to church with me on Sunday.
Man. 
Mum, I'm going, I'm going.
Especially if you want pepper sauce!
Stop, stop!
I'll see you later, yeah?
I love you.
I dunno, I'll check it later.
Ra'Nell. 
They let me out for the day, I'm at the flat.
Well done, babes.
I think we're gonna be OK.
Thank God.
Ra'Nell, what's the matter?
Mum!
Excuse me, blood, do you mind helping me for a second?
Why you hit him so hard, man?
This brother's heavy.
Careful, careful.
Boy, I wish we could see Kamale's face when we tell him we got Shaun, you know?
Right, get out the fucking car.
Something ain't right.
Fuckin' dead, bruv, you killed him, blood!
I can't believe this shit, you know!
Fuck!
Man, what the fuck is wrong with you?
What, you think I meant that, bro?
For fuck's sake, man!
Shit!
I didn't mean this shit!
Well, he's fuckin' dead now, innit?
!
What are we gonna do?
God. 
Jeez...
Come on.
It's Lisa.
Hiya, Lisa ...
did you have a good day?
Yeah, it was nice... thanks.
Yeah?
Thank you.
That's good.
'As long as only me and you know what went down, then we're cool.'
'I think you're ready.'
Shaun was Kamale's cousin, innit?
He ain't gonna disrespect his family.
Kamale's got to show up.
'I don't think I've got enough for that deposit.'
She sell to someone else.
I know the olders on the estate.
Haven't told anyone, have you?
No.
There's that other thing, the snake.
We ain't got time for that.
He doesn't even know Kamale!
Get off him!
Yo...
'Dushane ... it's Kamale... '

A subtitle by R3V0LV3R.
I was spitting some rhymes last night.
That beat you gave me was tight!
- You write it down?
- Couldn't stop for that.
I passed out mid-rhyme.
Do you remember anything?
- It'll come back to me.
- Yeah, right.
Do you doubt me, man?
Drop a beat.
- Nah. 
Nah.
- Come on, drop a beat.
Bump that.
Nah, nah. 
It ain't there.
You're just freaking out, dude.
- I got some news.
- What's up? 
You all right?
Nothing I can't handle.
- It's Uvlu.
- What? 
She finally dump you?
No. 
She ain't gonna dump me, man.
She might be, ah...
Fat? 
Ain't that how you like them chicks, dude?
No, I don't like them fat!
She might be pregnant.
- Damn.
- Well... it's about time I made my mom an grandma, right?
What are you gonna do?
Get a job, I guess. 
I mean, it's not like I was going to college with you anyways.
Trace is gonna hook it up with some chronic to sell.
Don't look at me like that.
It's not like I'm slinging crack.
You know you're gonna be like my son's uncle, right?
Give him all that wisdom you got in your head.
You know, keep him on the level.
I gotta make sure he's not too straight though.
I gotta have a little crazy skimo running around.
What makes you think it's gonna be a boy?
Inuk, please.
The ammunition I'm packing, she probably got one of each up in there.
Whatever, dude.
hell, yeah!
oh, man.
Man, back that up.
I wanna see it again.
Hey, you got too much speed.
You went too far.
- Yeah, I flew.
- Hey!
- hey, shitheads, man?
- What?
Who's got pot?
So what time are we leaving tomorrow?
- Huh?
- We're going hunting, remember?
I'm down.
You mean if your boy here will drive you.
Told you. 
Where are we going?
Down the coast?
Nah. 
There's too many pressure ridges that way.
It'll take us half a day just to get to the water.
I say we just go down pass the runway, man.
No, no, dude.
There's cracks over there.
- Who told you that?
- My dad.
- He was out there last week.
- What? 
You scared?
No. 
I just don't feel like swimming back if the wind kicks up.
I'm gonna catch me a bunch of natchiq.
What? 
With that piece of shit 30 aught 6 you got?
Man, my 30 aught 6 is gonna waste your brand-new 308, muthafuckah!
On a mission my dinner's old.
Pushin' a peddle, man, I'm ridin' a load.
Tryin' to keep my eyes on the road.
While I feel a bite from the cold.
- ha-ha. 
What's that?
- Man, that's "yesking".
What kind of bitch ass rhyme is that, dude?
Fuck you. 
That's the rhyme.
What you wanna bet?
If I'm right, you can send that fine ass girl of yours over and she can ride my usiq
- like she's been wanting to.
- Fuck you, man.
Got your tunes?
Oh, yeah.
Ha. 
Have her come over to my place tonight.
Give me time to finish off my girl first though.
Unless she wants to have a threesome.
How does she like it?
She like to ride or be ridden?
You're only saying that 'cause I already had your girl, man.
I had your girl and dumped her skanky ass.
I guess you like 'em skanky though, huh?
With that skanky ass mom of yours...
- hey. 
Yo, yo, yo...
- Hey, get off.
- Hey, get off.
- Are you fucking crazy?
!
Dude, he was just messing around, man.
You're luck they caught us, man, I'll pound your ass.
Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
Fuck you, man.
Damn.
She went three months this time.
Phst.
Hello, son.
- Aivaaq, how're you doing?
- I'm good. 
How're you doing?
Good.
Are you staying for dinner?
Every chance I get.
- Mom home?
- Not yet.
- Darlene had something.
- What's for dinner?
All you think about your stomach.
I'm cooking tonight.
We're having nikipiaq.
Real food.
You still wanna stay?
Happy birthday to three boys...
Lord, bless this food.
May it be health to our bodies, strength to our bones, and peace to our minds.
- Amen.
- Amen.
Finally got the rest of our lumber.
We can finish our shed this weekend.
- We were gonna go out.
- Where?
Out on the ice.
- Which way?
- Down past the runway.
Just you two?
James is probably gonna come, too.
- Hi, daddy.
- Hey, ballerina.
- ahh!
- Ya, ya, ya.
Hi, Aivaaq. 
How's your mom?
- She's okay.
- Is that tutu?
The one he shot last fall.
Last little bit of it.
They're going out this weekend though, bring home some natchiq for the freezer.
- Where are you going?
- Just out.
Don't stay out too late.
All right.
Go see your grandma first.
I couldn't check on her today.
Okay.
Hey, Qalli. 
Hey, Aivaaq.
My mom told me not to talk to strange girls.
- What's up?
- Don't talk to 'em, Qalli.
They'll get you into trouble.
You guys here about that party at Roscoe's?
- What?
- Yeah.
His parents are out of town or something.
Is that where you guys are going right now?
- Yeah.
- You guys want a ride?
- Could we get Uvlu first?
- Sure.
- Where's James?
- He's already there.
He send you guys to look for us?
No.
So you guys came looking for us yourselves?
I see how it is.
- Dude.
- As if.
Don't worry, Michelle. 
Your secret's safe.
I won't tell James.
- hey, what's up, man?
- 'Sup, homes?
Hello.
Hey, girl. 
Where you been?
I've been waiting for you.
Yeah, I can see that.
- Hey, Ellie.
- 'Sup, cuz?
You've been caught, fool.
Let's get you guys some drinks.
That's what I'm talking about.
Fuck you, guys!
Fuck you, guys!
Fuck you, guys!
Fuck you!
Oh!
Hey, Qalli!
Qalli, get over here, bro!
- "Bump that arctic thug." 
- All right. 
All right.
All right. 
Top of the world.
Let's show 'em how we par-ty.
Me and my man Qalli came out with this beat.
Get it started!
There we go.
Yeah.
Professional eskimo, gangster in the snow.¶
Aught-six, 3 clips.
Drop you like the temperature well below zero, frostbite on your nose.
Misigaq is my flow.
In the boat, rock it fast then slow.
On the drums, keep the beat keep it slow.
Northern lights up above, green as bud, show some love for these arctic thugs.
Hollah!
Ooo...
Wee!
Throw your hands up.
Yeah! 
Woo!
You ain't gotta worry about a thing.
I'll provide.
You gotta learn hot to cut a seal though.
I'm gonna be a hunter.
Ain't that right, Qalli?
If you don't graduate and get a job, then how's the big, bad hunter gonna buy gas and bullets?
I'm old school.
Well, I'm new school. 
I'm not changing no fox-skin diapers so your ass is getting a job.
All right, man.
I'm gonna roll out.
So soon?
I promised my dad I'd go see my grandma.
I'll see you in the morning?
I'll have coffee waiting for you.
Kick ass earlier.
I'm going to see what's up, dude.
You're gonna be waiting a long time.
What?
The sun doesn't set 'til august.
Thanks for the info.
I would have been out here all night if it wasn't for you.
You're leaving early?
I gotta go see my grandma.
You're not drunk, are you?
Your grandma would kick your ass.
I only had one.
Where are you heading?
Home.
I've seen enough.
Did you and James fight?
My bad. 
None of my business.
Sorry.
It's all right.
I loved the song earlier.
Yeah. 
Aivaaq was pretty good.
So are you.
Thanks.
Well, goodnight.
Goodnight.
Grandma?
I was just at my friends.
I didn't know if you'd still be awake.
Now don't take too much.
Ah, yeah.
...that's the best thing.
Like right now, you would be out hunting somewhere trying to get a natchiq for me.
If you're hooked to these, you'll never be a good hunter.
Never, ever.
I guess.
- It's high-low.
- Okay.
Ah-la.
Highs, zero to 10 below.
Lows tomorrow evening around 20 below.
And west winds, 10-15 miles-per-hour...
He left already, with James.
Said you could catch up.
All right. 
Thanks.
What you guys do last night?
Nothing.
Crazy.
Motherfucker!
Hey!
Knock it off!
Chill out! 
Chill out, man!
Quit fighting!
No more fighting!
- Knock it off!
- Motherfucker!
Yah!
Ah.
Is he dead?
- Yeah.
- Ah...
He fucking hit me with the shovel.
Fucking James.
Dumb-ass motherfucker!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
What the hell happened?
- He went crazy.
- Why were you guys fighting?
He was too drunk so I was driving.
Hit an ice chunk, we tripped and he got pissed.
- So he was drunk?
- Yeah.
- What about you?
- I didn't even drink that much.
This is his. 
I don't...
Fucking James.
Why were you smoking that stuff?
I was drunk.
I was just trying it.
Where the fuck did you go last night?
I had to go see my grandma.
Who the hell leaves a party to see their grandma?
What am I gonna do?
They're gonna lock me up.
They're gonna ship me south.
I'm never gonna see my kid.
Uvlu's gonna freak.
W... we could tell him what happened.
What, man?
! 
I got fucking high and murdered him?
!
You didn't murder him.
That's my knife, man!
I can't go back!
Nah, man. 
If I go back, they're gonna lock me up!
- I can't go back!
- Just calm down, man!
- You're still high!
- Don't tell me to calm down!
Look at him!
His blood is everywhere!
Fucking James, you piece of shit!
Ahhh!
- Let me go!
- No!
I'm not going back!
Just leave the rifle and go.
No.
What if we don't take him back?
That's messed up.
It's better than your idea.
Hey, wait. 
Don't get bloody.
Let's lift the legs.
One, two, three.
Let's turn him over.
Listen, man, what happened back there,
I still gotta tell you about it.
What do we do with this?
I don't know.
We should've tied it to him.
No, no, we can't go back now, man, too many tracks.
Hey, isn't it past your bedtime boys?
I think I heard your momma calling.
Ha, ha, ha.
What is it, son?
I... it's James.
He fell through the ice.
Warm up the machines.
Start calling the guys.
Get everybody over here.
I need a satellite picture of the ice conditions.
Tell me what happened.
Me and James went out this morning.
- Where were you?
- We left early.
I... 
I think he was drunk.
He was driving really fast.
- What trail were you on?
- Down past the runway.
Ten or 11 miles.
We hit some fog.
There was a crack and...
James couldn't see it.
I jumped off and...
He didn't.
Call price at the runway.
Get the chopper up.
How much gas do you have in your tank?
- About half.
- You take us out there.
As soon as we leave, get a hold of his family, and don't let jimmy follow.
Let's go.
Is this where he went in?
What do you think?
Look like the current's moving north, north east.
Two miles an hour, light slush.
Rescue bird, this is rescue ground.
Go ahead, rescue ground.
Current's heading north, north east.
Start the search on my position.
71.11.97 north, 158.08.14.
Check the lead for two miles north of here.
Roger that.
Rescue ground, this is rescue bird.
Go ahead, rescue bird.
It looks like the wind is pushing that ice back in your direction.
I think you guys should pull back to shore.
- I gotta find my boy!
- Calm down!
- Where's my son?
!
- Jimmy!
What are you guys doing back so early, huh?
The ice is moving!
We can't be out there!
- Ah, bullshit!
- Go home! 
Your wife needs you!
My son needs me out there, you cowards!
I'm gonna go find my son!
And you... where is he?
!
What'd you guys do with him?
!
Huh?
! 
my boy!
Where is he, huh?
!
- Hey, man, calm down!
- I need to find my boy!
- Where's my sonny boy?
!
- Get the hell outta here!
Where's my son?
!
Where's my sonny boy, huh?
!
- calm down!
- Where's my sonny boy, huh?
!
My sonny?
!
What's the ice like?
Moving. 
Winds are pushing it.
The lead is all closed up.
If they shift by tomorrow, we'll go out again.
I'll go in the morning.
No, son. 
I know you wanna help your friend, but you'd be a distraction.
Did you see James go in?
Egasak.
No.
So when you got there, it was just Aivaaq?
Just him alone... standing by the water.
I need you boys to let me know what happened yesterday.
We were going hunting.
We hit some fog and didn't see the crack.
Was James driving?
I jumped off.
Did you see this?
What happened to your eye?
When I jumped off, I hit a piece of ice.
Was alcohol involved?
We were at a party the night before.
Were you there, too?
I'm disappointed in you two.
You want to end up like your father?
No.
Well, that's the path you're on with this shit.
I watched him drink himself to death before he was 30.
I sure as hell don't want to watch his son go down the same road.
You understand?
And you...
I thought you knew better.
You're gonna disappoint a lot of people if you get caught up in this.
Sign down here.
Where have you been?
I've been calling you.
Sorry.
I heard, man. 
That's messed up.
Yeah, I can't believe it.
Come on.
Everyone's at Michelle's.
- Can you all leave?
- What?
Please, I need to be alone.
Wait. 
I want to talk to you and Aivaaq.
All right.
She wants to talk to us.
I think she has some questions.
Shit.
Is he really dead?
- You were with him at Roscoe's.
- Yeah.
Did he seem... okay?
I guess.
- What do you mean "I guess"?
- He got kinda drunk.
- Just drunk?
- Yeah, just drunk!
- Well, what was he saying?
- About what?
!
He wasn't talking about anything?
- He was just partying!
- Hey dude, chill out.
- She's like the fucking police.
- I just wanna know!
I didn't make him get drunk.
How come you didn't stay with him?
I can't take anymore of these questions.
I broke up with him at the party.
Finally, right?
I was so sick of his shit, hitting on 15-year-old girls.
I didn't think he would care, but he was pissed.
I thought he was gonna cry even.
And he kept telling me that he would make me regret it.
But I didn't care...
Except that I can't stop thinking about it now.
Like you said, it was an accident.
But what if it wasn't an accident?
It was.
James... 
James wouldn't do that.
He wouldn't just drive into the fog.
I tried to break up with him last year... and... he... he really scared me.
And now everyone thinks that we're still together, and they don't know that I broke up with him.
And you...
you can't say anything.
Why?
Because they're gonna think that it's my fault.
- It wasn't your fault.
- You don't know that.
I know.
I... 
I know it wasn't your fault.
How do you know?
I... 
I just do.
He wouldn't stop drinking that flask.
Where are your parents?
My dad's out there searching.
And my mom's not here.
I told her.
What?
That I killed him.
How can you do this?
We're going to have a baby together, Aivaaq.
I didn't mean to. 
I'm sorry.
- That's enough.
- Babe.
- That's enough.
- Babe, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to.
Hey...
I'm sorry.
Hey, babe. 
I'm sorry.
I got him.
- Hey. 
I gotta talk to you.
- Hey, shut up.
- I wanted...
- Hey.
- Uvlu? 
Uvlu?
!
- Hey, let's go!
- Uvlu?
! 
hey!
- Come on, let's go!
Hey.
Mom.
- Is he drunk?
- Yeah.
Poor baby. 
Bring him in.
I love you, mom. 
I got drunk.
I'm sorry.
Why'd you let him drink so much?
Qalli, come here, bro.
- I love you.
- Yeah, I know.
I fucked up everything.
dude, shut up.
He thought he was gonna kick my ass?
Shh.
Like I was gonna let him do that?
!
Sit down.
Fu... he was a real asshole.
Shh!
I had to go crazy on him.
- I had to.
- Shut up.
Cold killah, I'll stick it in ya.
Quiet.
I did it.
I really did.
What did he just say?
I'm sorry, mom.
I had to kill him.
Get out!
Don't listen to him.
He's just drunk.
Go home now!
Qalli!
You have to help him.
You can't let him get caught.
He loves you so much.
- Where the hell have you been?
- Calm down.
Well?
I was at Michelle's with Uvlu and Aivaaq.
Why didn't you call us?
Did you guys find anything?
No.
Winds turned bad.
We had to call it off.
I'm sorry.
Are you drunk?
I've been out all day looking for the body of your friend
- and you go get drunk.
- I'm not drunk.
- You sure smell like it.
- That was Aivaaq.
Why the hell is Aivaaq partying while his friend is still missing?
He feels bad.
So Aivaaq is drinking but not you?
!
- No.
- Goddammit!
What's going on, son?
You need to talk to us.
You're gonna sit your ass down and tell us!
You're not helping!
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this!
- Sit down!
- Egasak!
What did you see out there?
Nothing.
He... he already fell in.
Something happened.
I went back down the trail today.
There's a spot where the tracks are messed up, like someone dug up the snow.
He didn't say anything?
N... no.
I... 
I... 
I think they might've still been drunk.
- Were you?
- No.
I went to go see grandma that night.
- Ask her.
- Go to bed. 
Now!
- They just lost their friend.
- I know.
His snow machine was there.
His tracks are there.
They stopped and something happened.
There's a spot where the snow was brushed over, like trying to erase it.
Your job was to find James.
That's it.
Don't you tell me what my job is.
Our son is going to college in four months.
You're search and rescue.
You did your search.
It's over.
If it was our son dead, you wouldn't say that.
Fucking bolt's stripped.
You remember?
I don't think they'll say anything, but you gotta quit drinking.
Can't stop thinking about it.
When we tied him down, his eyes were open.
That won't help.
It doesn't even seem real.
I remember pulling the knife...
After that, everything was just so quick.
I mean, he was my friend, man.
Maybe you were right.
We should've brought him back.
What about Uvlu? 
Your kid?
I can't even look at her right now.
Everybody's so fucking freaked.
They think he drowned.
Everybody keeps asking me, man, what happened? 
What happened?
Aivaaq. 
Aivaaq. 
What happened?
Aivaaq. 
It's driving me crazy.
Seeing his mom, I just started shaking.
That day on the ice, I thought his dad was gonna fucking kill me.
I just want this to be over.
We gotta go to the singspiration tonight.
No way.
- It's what's expected.
- I'm not going to his house.
Dude, we have to.
I'm not going. 
Fuck that.
Hey, listen.
You can spend the rest of your life making up for this.
You just got to raise your kid right.
What the fuck do you care?
- You're leaving soon.
- What?
Couple months, right?
Dude, I'm not leaving.
You're stupid to stick around here after what we did.
If I was you, I would leave.
Well, I'm not.
What, you think with James gone, you're just gonna hook up with michelle like you always wanted to?
Like, nothing happened?
Holy shit.
You did, huh?
That's why you followed her down the hall the other night.
I guess I did you a fucking favor.
Nathaniel, I wake you up?
No. 
We're all done.
Tell them to bring everything in.
I'll be there in a few minutes.
Oh, fuck.
Dad?
Where are you?
I need to talk to you.
It's about James.
No, no, no. 
I don't want to do it over the phone.
Can you come home?
I'm at Aivaaq's.
I'll meet you back home?
Qalli?
Hi.
What are you doing?
Just walking.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
What's that?
It's just some oil.
I was working on my machine.
Over here?
At Aivaaq's. 
He had my tools.
Oh.
You, ah... going to singspiration tonight?
I was gonna come by to see you.
What?
No.
No!
They can't find out what we did.
- You can't say anything!
- Okay.
- Okay?
- Yeah.
It's like, I'm his widow.
Everyone comes up to me and hugs me and says all this shit.
Michelle, it wasn't your fault.
How do you know?
You weren't there.
You didn't see it.
Just leave me alone.
I've been waiting.
Sorry.
What did you want to tell me?
Spit it out.
It's about James.
He was with Michelle the night before.
Michelle Ukpik?
They were together, right?
So?
I... 
I heard they broke up.
Yeah?
And he got real mad.
Where'd you hear this?
Son?
!
Michelle told me.
She was crying.
She said... she said she thinks maybe he did it on purpose.
She told me not to tell anyone.
Why tell me?
You told me to tell you everything.
Maybe I shouldn't have.
No.
You have to talk about it.
Don't tell anyone else, though.
It'll just bring more pain to his family.
You did the right thing, son.
You know, he loved you guys.
You guys were like brothers to him.
I'm sorry for getting mad at you over at the beach.
I'm just glad you came, okay?
It's not your fault. 
All right?
- It's not your fault.
- Sorry.
Yeah.
- Amen.
- Amen.
Grandma?
Mmm-hmm?
Can I sleep over tonight?
- Grandma?
- Mmm-hmm?
My friend...
He got killed.
Oh, dear.
Have you guys seen Aivaaq?
No.
We seen him earlier at the Arctic pizza though.
All right. 
Thanks.
Have you seen Aivaaq?
He was here last night.
What did he say?
He's an asshole.
He broke up with me.
He said that my baby probably wasn't his.
He said it was James.
Is that why he did it?
No, no, no. 
What happened out there was an accident.
- Then why would he say that?
- I don't know.
He's just freaking out right now.
So am I!
- Well, I gotta go find him.
- Qalli?
It's his.
I know.
Qalli, what's up?
You need to control your boy here.
Come on, let's go.
You best listen, bitch.
- Saddle up and ride away.
- Hey, shut the fuck up.
Chill, man.
We want the same thing here.
You ever give him anything,
Sell to him, I'm gonna turn your ass in.
That's a fucked up thing to say.
- I ain't scared.
- Good for you.
This kinnaq here has a problem keeping his mouth shut.
You ever turn me in,
I guess I have a few things to say to the cops as well.
Get the fuck away from my house.
What the hell are you doing here?
Leave me alone, man.
I thought you said you were done with that shit, man?
- What about your kid?
- What about it?
- I talked to Uvlu.
- It's probably not even mine.
- Get the hell out of my way.
- You know that's bullshit.
- Get the hell out of my way!
- You ever come her again... what? 
What the fuck are you gonna do about it?
What're you gonna do?
Ugh!
Ugh!
Chill out, man!
You didn't do it!
You didn't kill him!
I did!
H... he hit you with the shovel...
You went down and...
Oh, man.
He... he...
he was gonna hit you again.
So... so I tackled him.
I don't know, man.
I... 
I guess I had your knife in my hand and...
After... after you got up...
You... you thought that you...
I'm sorry, bro.
Where's your rifle?
It's in the shed.
Is it clean?
I think so.
You didn't fire it?
Oh, ah, I did.
When we were out there, I saw someone and
I just tried to get their attention so I shot.
I guess I just forgot to clean it.
It's okay. 
I'll clean it.
If the weather holds, I think I'll go out tomorrow, bring home some natchiq for the freezer.
I want you to come, too.
I can't.
Yes you can.
Dad.
What's been going on with you?
You have to talk to me, son...
No mater what it is.
Aivaaq can come, too.
We'll swing by and pick him up in the morning.
We'll stop here for lunch.
Bring that grub box up and help him.
Let me see your rifle.
Kept that in good shape.
You know that used to be mine?
It was my dad's.
Yeah. 
Before that it was mine.
He won it for me.
- Really?
- Yeah.
We used to run dog teams a long time ago, on trap lines.
We were maybe 15 or 16.
My dogs were always faster than his, and I sure used to let him know it.
So one time he challenged me to a race,
I thought there was no way I could lose, so I bet him my rifle.
He ran the race in front of maybe half the town one morning, and my god-damn dogs were the slowest I've ever seen 'em... he won by a mile.
I found out later he snuck over to my house with some walrus meat that morning.
Fed it to 'em till they were about to pass out.
Holy shit, was I mad at him.
He never did give me a rematch though.
I'll race you for it.
Let's go up on that ridge and see far open water is.
Now you're gonna tell me what happened?
!
- What did you get my son into?
!
- I didn't mean to!
- What did you do?
!
- I didn't!
You lied! 
There's a knife wound in his neck!
- What did you do?
!
- Dad, it was me!
What?
I killed him.
It... it was an accident.
Why didn't you tell me?
We... we were scared.
I'm sorry.
Oh, son...
Take the battery from the boat...
It should be heavy enough.
Tie it to him real good.
I can't tell you what kind of person to be.
It's your decision.
I thought he'd look different.
Where are you going?
To get my machine so we can take him back.
Get away from him!
What are you doing?
I'm serious. 
Get away from him!
We can't keep lying.
I'm done doing it your way, Qalli.
- Don't... don't do this.
- Shut up! 
Move over there!
- Put it around your feet.
- No.
I'll do it!
Throw it back!
Put your hands behind you!
Aivaaq. 
Hey, look at me, man!
You don't want to do this.
Why didn't you tell me?
Man...
You... you smoke that stuff and you... you just screwed up our lives.
Yeah, I did.
Well, we can't leave him back here again.
It's not gonna work.
- I know.
- All right. 
So me and you...
We can take him back and just tell them the truth.
You know, I killed him.
No.
Hey! 
What...
what are you doing?
!
I'm bringing him back.
No, you didn't kill him. 
I did.
You said it yourself.
I got high.
I started the fight.
I pulled my knife.
He's not dead because of you, it's because of me.
If you go down for this, I'm finished.
I... i'm not gonna let you get away with this!
I'm gonna tell!
Who do you think they're gonna listen to this time?
Even now your dad's still gonna believe me.
Aivaaq, no!
All this time you're going around telling lies and making shit up.
I thought you were doing it to protect me.
You're not such a fucking saint.
I'm not.

( COUGHING )
Fuck!
Fuck! 
Fuck!
Ian, please!
Just calm down!
He did not know I took the car.
He'll be absolutely fucking furious!
Your dad doesn't have to find out, we can come back and get it tomorrow, when we have the keys.
Fuck!
Don't even think for half-a-second that you're going to break open that car, mate!
Just get out of my face!
What are you fucking looking at?
Stop looking at my girlfriend, midget.
-Ian, please!
You want to fuckie fuckie that?
No way in hell!
'Cause let me tell you that there's only one guy that fucks her, and I fuck her real good.
So go home and fuck mum now, you demented dwarf.
-Aaah!
Hmm hmmm hmmm!
No, please!
( SHE SCREAMS ) ( HE CONTINUES IN PAIN )
( GIRL ): 
No!
No, please!
Please!
( CONTINUES CRYING )
No-ooo!
( CRYING )
No, please, please, please!
--
Ian!
( COUGHING )
( INHALER )
( WHEEZING )
( WHEEZING AND COUGHING )
( INHALER )
( NO SOUND TO THE MONITOR SCREEN )
( GIRL WHIMPERING )
Hey, I hope you're not time-wasting, you.
I got a dozen people waiting to look at this place.
Most of them paying cash as well.
You got cash?
'Right.
The light switch is somewhere here, I think.
( INHALER )
Hey, come on, let's get this fuckin' lease signed, eh?
( CELL PHONE RINGS )
( TONES OF DIALING )
Hi, this is Mark, from U.S.A. Actor's Management, regarding your audition requests for our clients, 
Miss Williams and Mr. Kitamura from Human Centipede.
They're not available for the auditions in London right now,  because they're shooting a movie.
But thank you for the interest, maybe we can do something in the future. 
Goodbye.
( BABY CRYING )
( BABY CONTINUES CRYING )
Stop them tears.
You're just making daddy's willy harder.
( BABY STILL CRYING )
( FLIES BUZZING ) ( SNIFF SNIFF )
Oh, my God!
Have you shit yourself again?
You swine!
I called Dr.Sebring and he's waiting.
Get up!
( YAWNS )
( FLIES BUZZING )
( SIGHS )
Hello Martin!
( MOANS OF PLEASURE )
Eeee!
Eee-ee-eee!
Mmm, Mmmh.
Mmmh.
Martin!
Come and join us.
Well--
Martin, I have your Ventolin.
Eh--
Martin, I'm here today because your mother is very worried about you.
He keeps on talking about a centipede... with 12 people!
What does that mean?
Now, let's see....
The centipede can be considered a phallic symbol.
Centipedes are very aggressive creatures.
Their bite can be very painful.
Maybe he connecting the pain that a centipede inflicts with the pain inflicted on him through years of psychological and sexual abuse by his father.
I miss my husband.
And it's your fault that he's in prison.
Sometimes, people that are mentally challenged and have a history of sexual abuse
mutilate their own sexual organs.
I'm sorry, I'm going to have to go.
There's nothing to worry about.
I'm sure it's just a passing phase.
Mmmh?
( CHUCKLES )
Martin--
Ah, you're a good boy.
( LAUGHS )
Misses Lomax.
( LOUD BOOM OF MUSIC FROM UPSTARS )
I've decided to kill us both.
This music is driving me crazy.
That noise, is your vertebrae.
I'm also not a doctor.
Burbuja!
What has happened?
We can not take it of.
Come on, help me to lift him up.
- Come on, Burbuja!
- Up!
- Come on!
- Be careful!
Sit him down.
- Burbuja!
- Fuck, it was oxygen, pressure was barely there.
You have to remove this, he is suffocating in there.
I can't!
Roberto!
Roberto!
Roberto!
Roberto!
Roberto!
Would you rather I go get Marimar?
- Enough! 
Enough!
- Julian.
Julian, come here.
VIDEO: 
Come here, come on.
Look.
Resumemom.
Looklook.
Always the clown. 
bore.
Stopit !
-Goway.
- Hello. 
Poor people.
-Gimmie...
So ,then...
- Shit, Dad, always the same! 
NowI getyou.
Comeon.
Areyouokay?
They were also attacked by birds.
Dadinthekitchen.
Iaskthefavorof giving up the camera, Come on. 
Wemustpreparefor this.
Look good. 
Lookgood.
Comeon. 
Bring it on? 
Come on, upstairs. 
Thisisforme? 
Look,ittookthe bait!
Look!
- They took the bait.
- Well! 
-worsethanachild.
- Beautiful. 
-Dad,comeon! 
- Baby. 
-Daddy,look!
- What is it? 
-Whatis it ?
There,atthebottom.
- What? 
Let's get away from here.
Are you out of your mind... or are you a murderer?
Are you a murderer, Gamboa?
Tell me?
You wanted to teach me a lesson, below... or did you want to kill me?
Did you want to kill me?
I don't know, I was improvising, but you got your girlfriend and now we'll never know.
Last warning.
Last lesson:
for you, I'm nobody.
Come on.
What's going on?
It's impossible, Julia, we need tools.
Ok. 
I'm going to look for them in the engine room, okay?
No! 
We have no time.
Burbuja is about to faint.
- Burbuja, Burbuja! 
What's going on?
- Relax, Salome.
- Wait a minute.
- That's it.
- Burbuja, honey.
- Hey!
Fuck.
Move. 
Get out of the way.
Look at me, my darling.
Love, relax.
Look at me, please, honey.
Burbuja, honey.
- I am here, my darling.
- Hey, wake up!
- Honey, look at me. 
Do not fall asleep.
- Hey, please!
- Roberto! 
Julia, please, he won't respond.
- Julia!
Roberto, honey.
- Is that liquid nitrogen?
- Yes.
Get the ax. 
If we freeze the bolts perhaps it will break.
Remove your hands.
Roberto, honey.
Wait.
- Now! 
Come on.
- Ainhoa, go.
Come on, baby, hit is hard.
Roberto!
Ok. 
Done.
Come on. 
One, two, three. 
Pull.
Burbuja.
- Burbuja, honey.
- Leave him to me, Salome.
Burbuja, hey!
- Wake up!
- Open your eyes.
I'm sorry.
What a fright you gave us!
Did you take out the blood clot?
- What happened to you?
- Nothing.
Nothing...
I wanted to fry an egg, I bumped into an open door,
I slipped with the egg, I bumped into a table,
I dropped a tray on my head and from there went out a pen,
Where by chance it enters and a blind eye remains.
Yes, yes, of course.
And the doctor didn't put any patch on it?
No, I didn't want to put any patch on it.
I was joking.
You are very lucky to be with someone like Julia.
You deserve it.
I don't know, the ship is small... and we want to look at the floor every time we pass eachother, right?
And after the worms in your head...
Well, there's a little more confidence.
That sucks.
Friends?
- Friends.
- Alright.
I agree.
Must be very few remaining on the ship. 
You're not going to drink it?
Drinking alone and without anything to celebrate is bad, right?
I don't know what to do.
I don't know, if you want I'll keep it and... when you have something to celebrate call me and we'll drink it together.
And plus... soon it will be the last on the planet.
Take it.
- Am I interupting?
- No, I was leaving.
- Are you sure?
- Sure.
You were right,
I'm not true to myself.
And I don't smile.
I will leave Gamboa.
How are you? 
How are the kids?
Disappointed by the news that there was nothing on the boat.
but well.
How's Ulises?
I don't know.
But I will take your advice and let myself go.
I like it, and... as you said, I have no alternatives, right?
Then there was nothing on the boat?
When we arrived we were not, but... there was someone on the yacht when we spotted it.
And how do you know?
We found this.
Look.
Dad,what'sthat?
Atthebottom.
But who was filming?
And why didn't they respond to our signals?
And where did they go?
What happened to you?
The husband who... has discovered and has not done so much pleasure,
I went around to the hairdresser.
Yep.
At 12, in the laboratory we need to talk.
It would have been easier to knock on the door than to write.
Yeah.
And I was looking for neutral territory.
Then I have something to fear?
It depends.
Julia...
I'm with you 100%.
And if what we have now is not enough for you,
for me it's more than I've ever had.
You have just broke the last volumetric pipette in the world.
Well... at least it made a better end than the others.
When did you become an asshole?
You're a shit.
Roberto, you want me to go get Marimar?
And you do not deserve someone to love you.
Roberto?
I couldn't find you.
- You don't ever call me by my name.
- I know.
I want you to listen to what I have to say.
A few years ago when you were born again,
I made a decision for you because I thought it was the best thing.
I decided to put it all away what you had forgotten, because you couldn't feel what you were missing.
Because you could be happy.
But I'm already happy.
I know. 
I know, my darling
I can't tell lies. 
I can't.
It is right that I return what is yours.
I... 
I don't want to know anything.
I don't want to.
Here are all my friends, I love you and I'm happy.
I have only good memories.
And if in the box there was a bad memory?
No.
- I love you.
- I do more.
A minute ago, the fog was not there.
- What is it?
- They have taken away the radar stabilizer.
I'm not going to live with a violent person.
You were right when you said that we don't know eachother.
Because no one leaves me.
Will you marry me?
Look I just created the perfect woman.
- You didn't put anything of Vilma?
- No, no.
She doesn't pass the test of the fragmentation.
If things do not work with Piti, nurse I'm not... but priest yes and I will be here.
You are a bitch, murderer, and you're not getting out of here.
You really think you can stop me?
Ulises!
Is there any reason why Ulises wanted to leave?
I don't know!
What happened yesterday?
Why did they fight?
What does it matter Why they fought?
She has pulmonary edema and airway obstruction.
Maybe she breathed smoke from the engine room.
It's the fog.
If we continue to breathe it we lose consciousness.
The toxins will come to blood poisoning and we will die.

--an unprecedented meteor shower falling off the coast of Tokyo.
The entire city is mesmerised by this incredible sight.
Two hours after the first contact an unidentified enemy has reached our coastlines in a swift and militaristic attack.
Right now, one thing is clear:
The world is at war.
At 14:46 Pacific Standard Time 12 different locations across the globe were breached in a coordinated attack by an unknown enemy.
All breaches were along the coastline in what is a campaign of rapid dominance.
This is a textbook military invasion.
There are massive casualties in New York.
Defensive lines are being set up in Boston.
And at 13:15 Zulu time, we lost communications with San Francisco and San Diego.
Their status is unknown.
What we know is that we are the last offensive force on the West Coast.
We cannot lose Los Angeles.
We have five birds down two klicks west of CP Victory.
We're hit, we're hit! 
Tighten your asses, we're going down!
Command and control is down.
Civilians in need of support two klicks northeast.
Cables inbound.
Engage your sectors of fire, over.
Oh, shit. 
Shit, shit, shit.
NAME 00:01:57,900 -- 00:02:00,200 World Invasion:
BattleLosAngeles
Good morning. 94.5 with the Surfrider Foundation Morning Surf Report.
Surfers, hard northeast conditions blowing out there the ocean slopping and chopping.
There is some size starting to build....
Come on. 
Come on.
-Morning, staff sergeant.
-Morning, sergeant.
Morning, staff sergeant.
-Morning, sergeant.
-Morning, staff sergeant.
Morning, staff sergeant.
Morning, you little prick.
You know what they say. 
You're only as old as you feel, staff sergeant.
That's what I'm worried about.
I can't feel a damn thing.
--to the Pacific for our next report, where a cluster of meteors is predicted to enter our atmosphere in the early hours tomorrow morning.
Go ahead.
They're expected to strike miles from land, far into the Pacific Ocean.
-John.
-Oh, God.
What's up, Mike?
Hey. 
What happened to that picture of us in Iraq with that camel?
I mean, your girlfriend.
Hey, is this for real?
It's got your signature. I said, "That's gotta be a mistake. 
He can't write."
No mistake, John. I did my 20.
I know when to get out.
Come on. 
You got the box full of medals, a file full of commendations.
You can have them.
Seems you like interior decorating.
A Marine's got a shelf life, you know?
After that....
What? 
He spoils?
Something like that.
I'll finish my training assignment with these Marines.
Get them combat ready.
And then I'll be on my merry way.
You know, we could always use another lean, mean typing machine.
Shit, I ain't built like you, John.
Ugly, slow, soft.
God.
You had to make some tough calls there, Mike.
Especially that last one.
We all wish your men made it home.
Here we go.
You're expired.
Clear the shelf staff sergeant.
Everything I know is in here, John.
What typically would have been detected months, if not years, before surfaced in less than four hours.
These images giving some idea of the rate these meteors are travelling.
Scientists are abuzz, scrambling to try and understand it.
There's something just extremely uncomfortable about a man your size sniffing a flower.
What you want is some hydrangeas.
Popular wedding flower, come in green, blue.
What colour is the bridesmaids' dresses?
-Good question.
-You're amazing. 
Take a whiff. 
Smell it.
Yes, pretty girl?
For 300 more, she said we could have sprays of lilies.
Now, I know it's a lot, but it'd be so beautiful. 
What do you think?
300 dollars? 
Goodness gracious.
It's a no-brainer. 
You're only getting married once. 
Worry about 300 bucks?
-Thank you, Stavrou. 
Thank you.
-Yeah, no worries.
You know what? 
It's your day.
Do whatever you want.
I'm gonna hit you with something.
What are you doing?
Busting your balls.
Tomorrow we shop for cakes.
And I can't wait.
I love cake.
Yo, Doc. 
What you doing?
Skyping back home.
Is that your girlfriend? 
Damn, she fine.
Doc. 
My boy.
That's my sister.
Goddamn.
Shoot, man. 
I'm speaking objectively here, you know what I'm saying?
All right, no, stop playing!
May I take a message?
Doc, is it all right if I have one of those first?
You eat it at your own risk.
They're very old.
So do you feel that you're making progress?
Yeah, yeah. 
Yeah.
I'm sleeping a lot better.
And then also around the firing range and everything when I first came back and hear the pop, pop, pop I'd get jumpy and it would mess with me a bit and a little bit of a setback.
But now it, you know doesn't bother me.
So I think that's progress.
So, what's the story with my status, doc?
I mean, are you gonna clear me for combat? 
Because....
Yeah, I feel good.
Let's meet again next week and we'll discuss it. 
Okay?
All right, thank you.
Thank you very much, doc.
Harris' girl is making the dude organise his entire wedding two weeks before we deploy.
I say the chick's busting his balls like nobody's business.
But he got two weeks to get it done because we're out.
So I just came by to visit you one last time before we leave.
And I brought Dad's five iron with me.
And you know what that means.
Me and the boys are gonna go out tonight, continue the tradition.
Have a good time, you know?
I'll see you soon, bro.
See you soon.
Motown, give me boots.
I'm going skiing.
Oh, that's how you do it, baby.
Here they come.
Don't mess this up, man.
They cannot know that you a virgin.
How do you know l-- Who says I'm a virgin?
We know you are. 
Look at your face.
What are you telling her?
Telling her what?
Oh, come on, you guys.
You're killing me.
That dog gonna hunt! 
Damn, Daktari, you can play, man.
We have courses in Nigeria, Imlay.
Shit. 
How am I supposed to know, man? 
It's an American game, right?
Adukwu's our Navy corpsman.
He's like a medic.
No, not like a medic. 
Medic is the Army. 
I'm a Navy corpsman.
Well, sailor, yes.
I came here to become a doctor.
Slow down.
That's like number five.
How many have you had?
No, I'm good.
-Now, this guy here, Mr. Lenihan...
-Hey.
...his mom signed so he could join up at 17.
And I look after him because this boy don't know his ass from a hot rock.
-Not on my truck, dude!
-Easy, now. 
Easy, buddy.
-Oh, yeah!
-Not on my truck.
-Toast. 
To Lenihan.
-To Lenihan!
Good luck, rookie.
Retreat, hell!
--emergency developing throughout NASA and the space community.
We now know that meteors will land off the coasts of eight different cities and that number could keep rising.
Evacuations now under way in Southern California moving the population back from the coastline.
But a lot of curious people are clamouring for views.
-What are you doing up so early?
-Lieutenant. 
Still gotta get used to that.
This thing right?
-Here. 
You want me to do it?
-lt's tricky.
They gotta be parallel to the deck.
That's the whole thing with these bars.
-Don't forget to call Mr. Gilliam, okay?
-Okay.
-Call me later.
-I'll call you later.
That's my baby. 
All right.
Let's go! 
Move!
Quick time! 
March!
Marines! 
into the trucks and report to your company! 
Let's go!
Move it! 
Let's move!
Move it!
-Load them up!
-Move it!
What's going on, first sergeant?
Meteors hitting off California now but they got the whole goddamn base being mobilised.
I'm bringing you back to the company, Mike. 
They need you.
First sergeant.
All hands on deck, staff sergeant.
-You heard we might be mobilising?
-Yes, sir.
Moving you up to squad leader.
It's a big responsibility, but you can handle it.
Thank you, sir.
Staff Sergeant Beck is being replaced by Staff Sergeant Nantz.
What do you know about him?
He's a very dedicated Marine.
Don't bullshit me, corporal.
What'd you hear about his last tour?
Just the grimy details that everybody else already knows.
But at the end of the day, you're our lieutenant and we take our orders from you, sir.
You're assigned to 1st Platoon under Second Lieutenant Martinez.
His platoon sergeant's on leave, so you're gonna have to suck it up.
Yeah, so, here's the lieutenant right up here, 1 o'clock.
He's a kid, Mike.
Right out of officer training school.
He's only been with us a month, but I think he's sharp.
It's just an evacuation, buddy.
He's in charge.
Just keep an eye on him, huh?
Just don't lose my paperwork.
-Lieutenant.
-Good afternoon, staff sergeant.
-Happy to meet you.
-Thank you, sir.
We're being called in to help with an evacuation? 
For these meteors?
I assume so.
Whatever it is, I'm happy to finally get out in the field.
At approximately 4:42 am Pacific Standard Time the meteors impacted....
Who the hell took my tortellini?
You got tortellini?
This some kind of drill?
Get ready, man. 
Get ready.
It's serious. 
Okay?
Meteors continue to fall off the coast of California, Ireland, Bay of Bengal....
Corporal. 
Corporal.
-Corporal. 
Corporal.
-Yeah?
It's probably just a training exercise.
No, man. 
They're shifting Nantz into our unit. 
Something's going on.
The guy wants out of the Marine Corps and now we're stuck with him.
-Stavs!
-You got tortellini?
I heard Nantz kicked ass his last tour.
He went into that compound alone and killed 10 insurgents.
-That's what you heard, Lenihan?
-Chill out.
Yeah. 
Johnson in Foxtrot told me that he was going on--
Don't worry about it.
-Let's go, this is serious.
-What the hell did I do?
Nantz got a couple guys killed on his last tour.
What?
That's the story.
Lockett's brother was one.
So I know you didn't know, but just don't-
- No, don't worry about it.
Looks like we're getting into some heavy shit.
It's been my experience, lieutenant, heavy shit is highly overrated.
Look, staff sergeant, let's just be clear.
I know your rep, know what you've done.
This is my platoon.
These are my men.
-Not gonna have a problem, are we?
-No problem, sir. 
She's all yours.
It appears our initial assumptions were wrong.
Listen up!
Once you get your weapon get your gear, get your munitions, move outside!
We got white chocolate rap from my man. 
That should finish the new mix?
National Guard troops have flown in to evacuate beach areas and we have word the military is now deploying.
That's us. 
That's us! 
That's us!
-Calling military for a meteor shower?
-l don't know why they're happy.
--a meteor that just hit the ocean.
Large plumes of smoke are coming up. 
Visibility is getting worse as we....
These objects were completely undetected until they entered our atmosphere.
NASA estimates that they are not hitting the water at terminal velocity.
They're slowing down before impact.
These objects are falling into the ocean in tightly packed clusters 10 miles outside of a major population centre.
Thermal imaging from the Hubble shows us that within each cluster is a central object much larger than the others.
Now, these central objects are all the same geometric shape.
They appear mechanical in nature.
This is not a meteor shower, Marines.
We are in Threatcon Delta.
That's right.
Come on. 
All units, gear up.
Be ready to move.
Combat situation.
It's what I've been training for.
I am told that one of the Coast Guard cutters has issued a mayday.
It is difficult to see, and-- Oh, my gosh!
There is just another meteor that just hit the ocean and it's the closest one yet, right behind those cutters.
Two or three meteors just impacted.
Shit.
Do you have any more information in the studio? 
Oh, my God.
Kate? 
Kate? 
Are you hearing us?
-Shut up, shut up, shut up!
-Kate, are you still hearing us?
Yes, Jean, I can hear you. 
Everyone, move out. 
Get out of the way.
What is that?
What is that in the water?
I can't really get a good look, but it appears there's something--
I'm looking through the people, trying to determine exactly what this is.
I don't even know.
It's like shadowy figures.
Maybe five, six, seven.
I can make out maybe eight figures.
-What the hell is that?
-Holy shit!
-Look at that!
-Stavs, you see that?
I'm gonna head back now. 
Everyone needs to get out of here right now.
I think that we've gotta leave, Jean.
I'm gonna head back now.
Oh, my God!
Go! 
Let's go. 
Go, go!
Corporal Grayston and Corporal lmlay are both expert marksmen as well as strong fire team leaders.
We also have PFC Lenihan, who is our second best marksman...
-...behind Lance Corporal Guerrero.
-What's your take on this, Specs?
I don't know. 
Extraterrestrial?
-Do you mean like from space?
-No, Imlay.
-From Canada.
-Always got jokes, don't you, Stav?
All right, first squad, line it up.
Bring it in. 
Let's go!
As you may have heard Staff Sergeant Nantz will be taking over for Staff Sergeant Beck.
We're lucky to have him aboard.
All right. 
Here's the situation, Marines.
We're facing an unknown enemy.
We don't know how strong their force is or what they're capable of.
But one thing we do know is that we're fighting for our land our families, our home and our country, goddamn it!
Whatever those things are, let's show them how Marines fight. 
Retreat....
-Hell!
-Two-Five!
-Retreat, hell!
-Let's form it up, let's go!
First in, last out, Marines!
Breathe, Lenihan. 
Breathe.
Your training will kick in.
Thank you, staff sergeant!
-Got something to get off your chest?
-No, it's cool, staff sergeant.
You got a silver star, my brother came home in a box. 
I get it.
All stations, this net.
Standby for sitrep.
Enemy elements have advanced beyond the beach.
Aliens? 
That's not possible, right?
We'll know soon enough, brother.
One-oh-one tank has been destroyed.
Company beyond the defensive line....
It's in case his head gets blown off, so they can identify his body.
Be advised, enemy have heavy assault weapons.
Firepower equal to high-explosive rounds.
Hey, staff sergeant! 
Promise me you won't let me be taken alive by some godless predator from another world, staff sergeant?
No promises in combat.
Stop screwing around and keep your head in it!
These units are falling tactically.
Their strategies are coordinated.
Do not underestimate enemy combat intelligence.
We are not evacuating civilians fast enough.
I say again, we are not evacuating fast enough.
All units be advised, there are friendlies behind enemy lines.
Semper Fi, 1-7 Actual, out.
You gotta take me to dinner first, baby.
Boys, hold on to something.
Things are about to get rough.
Let's go, let's go, let's go! 
Out! 
Go!
Move, move, move!
Form it up!
-What do we got, sir?
-All right, situation is as follows:
Most of Santa Monica's been cleared of civilians.
We got a defensive line at Lincoln Boulevard a mile from the ocean.
Air Force has got Warthogs and B-52s on deck.
At 1930 hours, they will pound the entire area from Lincoln to the ocean.
Shit.
We're levelling Santa Monica, sir?
We got an infestation of God knows what not of this Earth and we gotta hit them with everything and we gotta hit them hard.
They are a ground-force enemy only.
They have no aircraft, so the Air Force will tear them a new asshole and we will rule the air.
-You said "most civilians," sir?
-Affirmed.
Getting distress calls, sending squads out.
Golf, you take Santa Monica to Olympic.
Foxtrot, Olympic to Pico.
Echo, Pico to Ocean Park.
Lieutenant Martinez, I want you to break off a squad and a machine gun team.
Proceed west from Lincoln to a police station located here...
-...at Venice and Amarosa.
-Venice and Amarosa.
Police were overrun.
Got a distress call that civilians are still there. 
We don't know how many.
Just gather survivors, then you radio in.
We'll have helicopters in the area to evacuate you out.
Now, be advised, you got exactly three hours before our bombs drop.
And make no mistake, they will drop, with or without you.
Get those civilians, get the hell out of there and you kill anything that is not human.
Let's go! 
Let's get it done!
Captain, this is not a drill. 
You hold that line, you understand me?
Yes, sir.
--from the coastline into suburbs.
Golf company is overrun.
Lima company requesting immediate air support.
Civilians are being stranded behind enemy lines.
Hang on, One!
Fire in the hole!
Troops are amassing in every coast, along every major coastline.
The UN has called an emergency sitting in an attempt to establish a means for sharing resources and intelligence across the globe.
Watch out, go!
This way?
Where are we supposed to go?
Jesus Christ.
Marines, anything beyond this point, consider to be hostile.
All right, nice and easy.
Clear.
Hell of a way to earn your citizenship.
Shit. 
I'd rather be in Afghanistan.
Lieutenant. 
How many civilians we gotta get out of that police station?
I have no idea, Guerrero.
Just stay focused.
-What the hell's that? 
What is that?
-This is insane.
Yo, eyes open.
An unidentified enemy has breached our coastlines in a swift and militaristic attack.
At this point, there are many more questions than answers.
Right now, one thing is clear:
The world is at war.
Eyes open.
You see something, Simmons?
Can't see shit.
-Kerns, you see a cross street?
-Lieutenant, I don't see nothing.
Police station's about one klick northwest of here.
-Twelve o'clock!
-Hundred metres front.
-This is Echo 6, we need immediate-- 
-Turn your radios down.
-lt's just a dog.
-Just a little doggy. 
Come here.
-lt's just a dog.
-Dog.
-Dog.
-Dog.
What's his name, huh? "Glenn."
Kidding me. 
Who's the idiot naming dogs these days?
What do you wanna call him, Fido?
Watch out!
-Where's it coming from?
-l don't know.
Lenihan, watch your head!
On the roof!
Enemy fire! 
Eleven o'clock!
-They're on the roof! 
On the roof!
-Cover him!
Twenty-five metres!
Twenty-five metres!
-Lieutenant!
-Left flank, on the roof!
Covering, covering!
-We gotta move now!
-Lockett!
-Yes?
-Get me an exit down that alley!
Yes, sergeant!
Kerns, Motown, let's go!
Get up! 
Come on!
Falling back!
Let's go, come on!
Enemy fire! 
Watch your head!
-Where'd they come from?
-Fall back!
Enemy fire, keep your head down!
It's all over the damn place!
What do you see?
I don't know, man. 
I don't see shit.
How do we get out of here?
-Lieutenant, where's the exit?
-I'm working on it!
-Shit, we're boxed in!
-I'll take a position by the wall! 
Go, go!
-Move out!
-Ambush!
I don't have him!
I'm hit!
Cover me, Lockett!
-Man down, man down!
-lt burns!
Shit!
I got you, Guerrero!
Lieutenant! 
Lieutenant!
I've got you covered!
We have an exit!
Everybody, move out! 
Move out!
Move, move!
Staff sergeant, we got an exit! 
Come on, we're going! 
Come on, let's go!
Fall back, fall back!
Go, keep moving! 
Keep moving!
Lorenzo!
Move, move, move!
Keep moving, keep moving, keep moving!
I can't see shit!
Shit, shit, shit!
Imlay!
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
U.S. Marines, coming in!
U.S. Marines, anybody in here?
Kitchen's clear!
The kitchen's clear, lieutenant!
Get on that window! 
Are we clear?
Put the wounded in the kitchen!
Kerns, Lockett, secure the back of this house.
-Yes, staff sergeant.
-Staff sergeant, we're on it!
Doc, how long till they're able to move?
Ten minutes. 
Ten minutes, staff sergeant. 
Ten minutes.
You want me?
Come get some! 
I'm right here!
What do we got, Imlay?
I got nothing.
I can't see a goddamn thing.
-With this smoke, it's zero visibility.
-You're dead!
Stow that shit, Simmons!
You'll get shot before you're able to kill any of them.
Your orders, sir?
I led us right into that ambush.
-Mottola, anyone on command?
-No, sir.
-We need to find answers to get out.
-You're in charge, sir. 
Your orders?
Let's radio that evac to meet us.
Civilians or no, we gotta get these wounded out.
-Roger that.
-Hey, guys, guys. 
Where's Lenihan?
I didn't see him with us. 
Where is he?
-Lenihan?
-Lenihan?
Anybody got eyes on Lenihan?
-Lenihan!
-I'll go for Lenihan, sir.
Imlay, Harris, on me.
Let's get this shit out of here.
I'll package the wounded.
Rally on 10th Street.
Be prepared to move.
We're moving out soon.
Shit.
Mottorola.
Mottorola?
Oh, come on. 
Mottorola, you copy?
Lenihan, where are you?
Staff sergeant?
Jesus Christ. I had to turn my radio off. 
These things are everywhere.
We're coming for you.
What's your location?
I'm in the laundry room of some apartment complex.
It's like three storeys--
What colour is it? 
Lenihan. 
Lenihan?
Shit.
Lenihan.
Shit.
So smooth....
Smooth is fast.
Shit.
Oh, shit.
-Lenihan!
-Lenihan, lower that weapon!
What the hell--?
Keep on firing!
Jesus Christ!
What the hell is that thing?
It's not dead. 
They don't die. 
I've hit it a hundred times. 
They don't die.
Get separated from the unit again, I'll find you and shoot you myself.
Imlay, drop a grenade in that pool.
Let's move!
Come on, I got you. I got you.
Frag out.
Street's clear.
Get down, get down, get down.
-What's happening? 
What's going on?
-All right, we're good. 
Come on.
-lt's Lenihan.
-Yo, Lockett.
You owe me $5. I told you, a virgin ain't gonna die till he get him some.
Move to the police station?
-All right, let's move. 
Let's move.
-Move it. 
Move it out.
-Where'd that come from?
-Door's open at the bank!
Take care of him.
Where'd the shot come from?
-Kerns!
-Door's open on the bank! 
Let's move!
Come on, let's go! 
Move! 
Move it!
Stavrou, you got front. 
Stavrou, cover front. 
Harris, cover front!
Roof's clear, roof's clear!
I got it. 
I got it covered.
Harris! 
Find me where that shot came from, guys!
Imlay, get eyes up on that roof, all right?
-Cover the roof!
-Roof's clear, roof's clear!
Lockett, on me!
Did anybody even see where that came from?
Doc, how serious?
Third degree thermal burns on his neck and his face, sir.
You'll be surfing soon, Simmons.
Shit.
-Hostiles, 12 o'clock!
-Hostiles at 12 o'clock!
Staff sergeant, hostiles, 12 o'clock!
Prepare to fire!
Hold it, hold it!
Friendlies, sir.
-Shit.
-Friendlies. 
Let's get them in.
Get over here.
Move. 
Move to the back.
Let's go. 
Come on, get.
-What's your unit?
-40th, id.
Where's the rest of your unit?
Everyone else is either dead or missing.
I picked up Air Force here.
Tech Sergeant Elena Santos, Air Force.
61st Wing, intel, surveillance, recon division.
Tech sergeant? 
What the hell are you doing here?
We were tracking enemy transmissions about 12 klicks south of here.
They ambushed us like they knew our freaking address.
I'm the only one left.
I found these guys on the way to the safe zone at Santa Monica Airport.
You ready to use that weapon, tech sergeant?
With all due respect, staff sergeant, I didn't get this far off of my good looks.
-I'm ready for payback.
-Outstanding.
Lieutenant, bird inbound, 25 minutes, sir.
Roger that.
Let's get to that police station.
All right, let's get Simmons and move.
Let's go!
Cover our flanks, Mottorola!
To the right, in that building!
Watch your feet!
There's the police station.
Let's get those civilians and get back to the F.O.B.!
Gotta rock, gotta rock!
Come on, come on, come on.
I'll stay with our wounded, wait for the medevac.
I'll go for civilians.
Kerns, Dever, on me.
-Mags, mags. 
I need mags.
-All right.
Santos, when that bird arrives, I'll need your help on this stretcher.
U.S. Marines! 
U.S. Marines!
Door. 
The door.
-Elevator right.
-Clear!
Elevator right.
Second elevator, clear! 
No pulse.
Door left.
It's locked.
-What's your name?
-Harper.
-I'm gonna need you on this stretcher.
-Bird incoming, sir!
Roger that. lmlay, pop smoke!
-Door locked.
-Door left.
Radios off.
Move.
U.S. Marines! 
U.S. Marines!
-How many of you?
-Five of us, three kids.
Kerns, kids!
-Let's move!
-Let's go, let's go!
All right, let's get ready to move!
Let's get it up!
-Here we go! 
Let's move!
-Aye, sir!
We got room for four and that is it!
That is it.
-Get your wounded on! 
Move it!
-Oh, yeah, baby.
Come on. 
Come on. 
Get up. 
Get up.
Get him in. 
Hey, Guerrero.
I'll work on that mix for you!
I'm gonna need it, dude! 
You're gonna be fine! 
You're gonna be fine!
Give them hell!
-Oh, shit.
-Come on, man.
You just had to get out of the shit.
-You take care of yourself!
-l will.
I'll see you soon, partner.
-That's it.
-We have civilians coming out!
-We can't take them, we got no room!
-Make room!
We can't! 
Now, get back, sir!
Fall back.
Move back, move back, move back!
Wait! 
Kids, kids!
Get back to the police station!
Backtrack, everybody! 
Come on, back!
They have air power. 
Again, enemy has air support. 
We have a bird down.
Damn it!
Tango's heading northeast of our grid.
We've disengaged back into a police station. 
We have civilians.
I say again, we have civilians.
Lockett, Kerns, secure this door.
Nothing gets in, you understand?
We got a body. 
Do you think you could get rid of it so the kids don't see it?
What do you want?
Where should we go?
Dever.
Set up back there, okay?
Come on, you guys. 
Take the back.
Stay away from the window, all right?
Are there gonna be more choppers?
Did you guys call any in?
I'm sure they're gonna come for us.
They know where we are.
Shit.
You okay? 
You all right?
-I'm good. 
Yeah.
-You sure?
-You didn't get hit or nothing?
-No, I'm good, man. 
I'm good.
Man, they're gone. 
They're gone.
Everybody's gone.
Lenihan, Guerrero, Grayston.
Grayston. 
Grayston had kids.
Didn't deserve that.
Didn't deserve that!
He didn't deserve to go out like that!
Neither do you! 
You hear me?
You're gonna make it through this!
All right? 
You're gonna get out of here.
You're gonna marry Cherise.
And you're gonna be her problem because I'm done taking care of your sorry ass, you got that?
All stations, this net. 
Sitrep as follow:
Enemy aircraft number four fleets at this time.
Be advised, more entering battle space Los Angeles from ocean on bearing 2-niner-7-5-0.
They got air support too.
Knocked our bird right out of the sky.
So much for ruling the air.
There's no time for that, lieutenant.
Those bombs are gonna drop.
And we're in the blast radius.
Top of my goddamn class.
And I get out in combat in the middle of that shit? 
Goddamn it!
I already lost four of my goddamn men!
Four good men.
Who would go to hell and back for you, sir.
-Have you?
-Yes.
You're not the first to lose men.
You won't be the last.
Now, put that away.
You understand me?
Right now your men are awaiting orders.
Now, you can go left, you can go right.
I don't give a damn.
Just make a decision.
Lieutenant.
It's a no-go on the helo, sir.
Enemy aircraft is lighting it up.
Command says it's like nothing they ever seen.
We gotta find a way out.
We gotta get to that F.O.B.
You're right. 
We gotta move.
Let's get these people safe.
Lockett, Kerns!
I need you to set up an observation post on the roof.
We're gonna move by foot, so we gotta move fast.
Scan for hostiles, find the best route out of here.
All right, sir.
Lieutenant.
Officials are now saying any civilian within 10 miles of the coast should try to make their way to a military forward operating base, F.O.B.
This is the safest place that you could be right now.
Now, the military has set up a line of defence to try to protect civilians.
Take a look at you, make sure you're okay, all right? 
Good. 
Okay.
Just look at this. 
There you go.
-Water fountain is there, Mr. Rincon.
-Okay, thank you.
-No problem.
-Thank you.
-Joe Rincon.
-Staff Sergeant Nantz.
This is my son, Hector.
We all wanted to thank you for coming to get us.
Yeah.
Hey, Hector. 
We leave no man behind.
So you here when the police got overrun?
Right. 
Well, long as you're both okay.
Hey, you all right, man?
Yeah. 
Yeah, I'm good.
Okay.
If you-- lf you need him to do anything...
-...you know.
-I'll let you know.
Aye-aye, sir.
Aye.
Thank you.
We got two dozen hostiles about 300 metres out.
Lieutenant, we got two dozen hostiles 300 metres north, over.
It's like those things are on overwatch, just like us.
That one out front looks like the leader. 
Now they got leadership.
So do ants, Kerns.
You think those things get scared too?
Probably just like us. 
They're probably just grunts that get told to go fight.
Come on. 
Find us a way out of here, Marine, because we're sitting ducks.
They dragged them out of the house, into the street put them in perfect order before they shot them.
They shot them right in the head.
Chief, do we have any idea why this is happening?
Well, it's clear there has been no attempt at any kind of communication.
No demands, nothing like that.
So, obviously, they are here for our resources.
When you invade a place for resources you wipe out the indigenous population.
Those are the rules of any colonisation.
And, right now, we are being colonised.
Brave kids.
They're my nieces. 
My sister and her husband are away on vacation.
Thing is, they live in Arizona.
I see them once or twice a year.
And now I may be all they have left.
-You have kids?
-No.
Neither do I.
I used to regret that, but maybe it was for the best.
Of course, our planet's surface is 70 percent water.
So again, and I have to stress this, without certainty the leading hypothesis remains that their objective, their target is our water.
-Shit.
-There ain't gonna be nothing left.
-l think I got a way out of here.
-What'd you say?
Right here, look. 200 metres out.
-What's right behind that backside?
-Bus.
-Lieutenant, we got a bus.
-Roger that.
So the men on the roof saw a bus.
They think it could be operational.
Maybe we'd be better off on foot.
It's miles to the operating base and those bombs are gonna drop in an hour.
We gotta move fast.
Bus is a big target.
I made the call.
It's my responsibility.
Stavrou, Harris.
Lieutenant needs recon on a bus.
If it runs, get it back here.
-You know how to hotwire a bus?
-Stavrou can. 
He's from Jersey, sir.
Ladies first.
Two hundred metres.
Go down, there's the cars burnt out, there's a pickup truck.
Right back behind there.
We have a situation.
Y'all need to follow me.
Harris found it out here.
Y'all gotta see this thing.
Weapon looks like it's been surgically attached.
Talk about commitment to cause.
Shit.
-You gotta be kidding!
-Corporal. 
Corporal, hold it.
Let me shoot this thing, staff sergeant.
That weapon's hot.
Let me just shoot it.
-Doc.
-Yes, staff sergeant.
Oh, Lord, have mercy.
We need to know exactly where to hit this thing so we don't waste all our ammo.
Maybe I can help.
I'm a veterinarian.
Sure you wanna do this?
I was more sure when I was standing over there.
We gotta figure out how to kill these things.
Otherwise, we won't last another five minutes out there, okay?
Let's peel this back.
-Look at this, we got a organ here.
-Jesus Christ, look at that.
-I got another one.
-Me too.
Does it have some sort of cognitive mechanism? 
Anything?
There's no frontal lobe, no temporal lobe, no parietal lobe.
The cranial vault is unlike anything.
-Oh, shit.
-What?
-You see what I'm seeing?
-What?
The ones that were just on the roof aren't on it.
There's about two dozen coming out the door.
They're on the street heading this way.
-Lieutenant, we got movement up here.
-Roger that.
We have contact 300 metres out.
We gotta cut quick.
Lieutenant, we gotta move!
What do we do?
-Shit's hitting the fan. 
Gotta move.
-Staff sergeant.
Come on, how do you kill this thing?
Goddamn it, Stavs.
-I lost them.
-You lost them?
Lieutenant, they're gone.
Lieutenant, I don't see anything.
-We got a breach.
-Got a breach on the north entrance!
They're inside.
I'm gonna gather everyone by the doors on the south side.
We're right behind you.
What was that?
-Adukwu, you go with her.
-Yes, staff sergeant.
-Imlay, got an HE grenade round?
-Never leave home without it.
You cover that hall to the rear.
Buy me some time.
They start coming, you blast the hell out of them.
Hey, Harris.
Where's that goddamn bus?
Stavs. 
Stavs, we got an enemy scout.
Come on, let's go.
Yes! 
Yes! 
Yeah, baby!
Newark! 
Represent!
Lieutenant, we've got the bus, heading back.
Okay, guys, the bus is en route!
Bus is en route!
Thirty seconds till we move out!
Imlay, give me a sitrep.
I need an update on the breach.
Report back, over.
We're running out of time.
Move!
Contact!
They've breached.
This is our last shot.
Got it.
Right here.
That's gotta be it. 
It's dying.
That's how we kill this thing, to the right of where the heart would be.
-Got it.
-I got three more!
Let's get out of here.
Get them on the bus! 
Get them on that bus! 
Let's go, let's go!
-Get on.
-Get underneath.
You okay?
Heads up. 
Cover your sectors of fire.
Heads up!
Marines, concentrate firepower to the right of where the heart would be.
Yes, staff sergeant.
That's how we kill these things.
All right, remember your training.
We got a hostile warbird, thousand metres out.
Everybody keep your eyes up.
All buckled up back there, lieutenant.
Roger that.
It should be about six miles to the F.O.B.
I don't know, 25, 30 minutes.
If we stay on these side streets.
Air Force is gonna level this area in 40 minutes.
Get us to the forward operating base.
Fast.
What the hell is that?
Stavrou, stop the bus.
Everyone, get down.
Any station, this is Foxtrot-Two-November. 
Sitrep to follow.
Go ahead, Foxtrot-Two-November.
Enemy aircraft.
They're lighting up the sky heading east towards downtown Los Angeles.
Copy that.
They're tracking our signals.
Mottola, turn off that radio!
They're tracking our signals!
All radios off! 
Cell phones, everything!
Give me your radio.
Mottola. 
Give me your radio.
Where you going?
-Staff sergeant!
-Where the hell is he going?
-We gotta get off this bus, all right?
-Ten o'clock, lieutenant, 10 o'clock!
I see it, 8 o'clock, heading south!
It's getting closer. 
Hey, it's on my six!
A hundred metres!
Oh, my God.
Everybody, get down!
Holy shit.
-What was that?
-Is he all right?
-Did he make it out?
-Staff sergeant?
-There he is.
-Staff sergeant's alive!
-Yeah, he's alive!
-There he is!
That aircraft was unmanned, Iieutenant.
Drone.
That was some real John Wayne shit, staff sergeant.
Hey.
I can't afford to lose you.
Neither can these men, all right?
Yeah. 
They're your men.
All right, staff sergeant!
That's how you do it!
-That's retreat, hell!
-That's right.
Who the hell's John Wayne?
Everybody, eyes open!
Stay alert!
Thank you for that.
It's nothing.
What's that mean, "retreat, hell"?
During World War I, an officer from our regiment was ordered to retreat.
He said, "Retreat, hell.
We just got here."
You should have the doc take a look at that.
I thought you were a doctor.
Animals and aliens only.
I'll put it on my to-do list.
Thank you.
Excuse me, staff sergeant. 
Did you say that was an unmanned drone?
Correct.
They must have one hell of a command-and-control system.
If NORTHCOM didn't agree with you, I wouldn't be here.
Why?
My mission was to provide AIS with a strike package.
A strike package?
Yeah, coordinates for a missile strike on a command-and-control centre.
But the asset fell off the grid and we lost them.
All side streets are blocked.
Our only choice is to take the freeway.
All right. 
Well, it's your call.
Stavrou, get us on a freeway.
We don't wanna be in this area when these bombs start to fall.
Try to miss at least one of the cars, Stavrou.
Just keep driving.
Off ramp is one mile ahead.
Jesus.
Look out.
The ramp, it's gone, lieutenant.
All right, Robertson exit, half a click away.
Look out! 
Incoming, 12 o'clock!
-You okay?
-Harper!
Tank's drawing enemy fire!
It's a good time to move!
I'll suppress the fire, you take the civilians!
Secure this exit, Imlay!
Imlay, get me a defensive line on that vehicle!
-Move, move, move!
-Let's go! 
Come on.
-Let's go!
-Come on, stay down, stay down!
Just keep everybody calm.
We'll be right back, all right?
All right. 
Safety first, buddy.
Martinez, if we get the civilians to that helo, they take cover, rappel down.
I got a dozen up on the bridge.
They're moving down.
Lieutenant! 
Tank's out!
Nothing's stopping them now!
Staff sergeant, civilians won't make it to that helo without cover fire.
Lockett, Kerns, on me, let's go!
Let's move, let's move, let's move!
Get the civilians down, all right?
Move!
Come on!
About a 30-foot drop. 
Let's go.
Get behind the bus!
Now, now, now! 
Get behind it!
Kids first! 
Around the body, bring them down one at a time.
Roger that.
Imlay!
Get your team up on that garbage truck!
Staff sergeant, cover us up front!
Stavs, you're with me! 
On me now!
We're gonna run behind that helicopter and we're gonna rope down, all right?
The girls will be first.
I promise you nothing's gonna happen. 
Okay? 
Stay down!
Lieutenant, dozen hostiles, maybe more!
Four hundred metres and closing fast!
Cover, cover!
What the hell are you doing?
You guys need another gun.
Three o'clock. 
Up on the bridge, Santos. 
Up on the bridge.
Incoming!
Ten o'clock!
-Reloading!
-Aim for the leader!
Hell, you can take all the room you want.
Mottola, move, move, move!
Yes, staff sergeant! 
Come on, let's go!
Let's go, go, go! 
Run now, run!
Keep running! 
Don't stop, run!
Run, run, run!
-Get in there!
-Cover me!
-I'm going for the .50 cal!
-Hurry up!
Get some, Lockett.
-Shit.
-What the hell is that thing?
I'm engaging!
You'll be okay, all right? 
It's okay.
Listen to me. 
You're going to be okay.
I got you. 
I will not let anything happen to you, all right?
Shit!
Man down!
You're gonna be okay. 
Hold on, hold on! 
Keep going. 
Hold on!
Keep looking up!
Oh, God!
I got you. 
It's okay. 
It's okay.
Get the ant that's controlling that thing!
Lockett, get off your ass!
It's turning this way!
It's about to hit the fan, guys.
Get out now! 
Move!
Santos, come on!
-Come on!
-I'm stuck.
Go!
-What are you doing?
-Go!
Imlay!
Where's Stavrou?
Mottorola! 
How many down?
Two down, staff sarge! 
One to go!
Look at me, look at me. 
Look, look.
Be good, okay?
-It's gonna be fine, okay? 
You ready?
-Lieutenant, C-4!
Let's blow this sucker to hell!
Let's do it.
Kerns!
Covering!
All right, dough is good to go!
-Go!
-Covering!
Damn it! 
We've lost the detonator.
-You all right?
-Yeah, got the wind knocked out of me.
-Mottorola!
-Dad!
You're okay, Hector! 
You're okay.
Hold on!
-I need bandages from the first aid kit.
-Sir! 
Sir!
It's okay!
Oh, my God!
All right.
We gotta get you to a medevac.
Doc!
Oh, shit, man!
-We need some cover!
-Damn it, I'm out!
-Got another mag, Lockett?
-They kicking our ass!
You're getting pinned down, staff sergeant!
Marines, you're getting pinned down!
-We're not leaving you.
-Staff sergeant, get them out!
-Lieutenant, I am not leav-- 
-Get them out!
-No, I'm not leaving you!
-Get them out!
No! 
Not again!
I have a bag of C-4 on the bus.
Give this to my wife and get them off this goddamn freeway.
That's an order.
Yes, sir.
Right behind you.
Cover the lieutenant!
Hey, I'm out!
They're closing in!
Here we go.
This is Lieutenant William Martinez Echo Company, 2nd Battalion, 5th Marines. 
Hoorah!
We're still half a klick inside the bombing zone.
Move to live, Marines.
Did he just leave the lieutenant back there to die?
Sure looked that way.
And this is the guy in charge of us now?
Let's move.
Hey, those are our jets.
We're still in the fight.
All right, we're clear of the bomb zone.
Let's tighten this place down.
Bombs drop in six minutes.
Santos, Kerns, on me.
Let's see if there are any comms.
All right? 
Hardwire only.
-Corporal Harris, we clear?
-We're clear!
-Do you have a hard line in here?
-Over there.
Now, my son's an optimist.
When this first happened, he said, "Why don't we go try to talk to them?
Maybe they wanna be friends."
Hector? 
Hey.
We're gonna go get some food and water for your dad, okay?
It's okay.
And what'd you tell him?
I said:
"You know, if they're chasing and shooting us they're probably not good friends."
I should've followed directions and gone to the F.O.B.
I should've never stayed at the police station, but I was scared, man.
I made all the wrong decisions.
You trusted your gut, Mr. Rincon.
You made a call.
I'd do the same thing to protect my Marines.
-I had a situation my last tour.
-Yeah?
There was no right call. 
You went left or you go right, it didn't matter.
But you're alive.
Yeah, I survived.
But I wasn't supposed to.
Staff Sergeant Nantz....
You promise to save my son?
Staff sergeant, we have a hardwired connection!
Doc, keep him warm.
Sun is going down.
This will keep you warm.
We're estimating that 20 cities in 17 countries are now under full attack.
It's obvious the enemy is attempting to cut us off from one another.
Is there any more information at this time, Professor Stavert?
New data shows that they're using our water as their fuel and our ocean levels are already decreasing.
They are using it to power their ships, their machinery possibly their own bodies. 
It's the composition of our water that's unique.
It's in a liquid state. 
No other locations in our known universe have liquid H2O anywhere near their surface.
I just saw a field report that said they will use our sewage systems...
-...to follow our water to their ships.
-How'd you get that to work?
These things are everywhere. 
There's one off the coast of 20 countries.
They're calling it the command-and-control centre.
-That's the thing you were tracking?
-Yeah.
So you're saying that's the thing that's controlling the drones?
Yeah. 
And if we wipe it out, we take out their air power.
These bombs better work.
-Let's move it.
-Bring him through here.
-Set him down.
-How much time we got?
One minute.
Air Force about to lay some pain on those extraterritorial bastards.
-All right, Two-Five, retreat....
-Hell!
-Retreat....
-Hell!
Here we go.
Come on.
Let's fry these sons of bitches.
We get to the F.O.B. after these bombs drop, get ammo.
And some goddamn reinforcements.
Some goddamn tanks.
-Ten.
-Gotta be strong, okay?
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
Five.
Four.
Three....
Shit. 
Everybody, brace!
-They should've dropped.
-What the hell?
Wouldn't we have felt that from here if they'd dropped? 
We would've felt them.
Would've felt it in Nevada with that ordnance.
That clock right?
That's what I got.
Maybe it's a good thing. 
Maybe we turned the tide. 
That's a good thing.
You damn straight, Imlay.
We was kicking some ass.
Could they have taken out the whole Air Force?
This isn't happening.
Let's move.
Everybody, up, up. 
Let's move.
Come on.
We're in the home stretch, everybody.
We in the home stretch.
Now we know why those bombs didn't drop.
They wiped our forward operating base right off the map.
All clear, staff sergeant!
All right, let's bring him back here.
Hang in there, buddy.
Million-and-one odds we'd get here in the first place we get here and there ain't nothing.
I knew Nantz would never get us out.
-There were thousands of Marines here.
-Now it's just seven of us, Imlay.
You remind me of my older brother.
How's that?
He never smiles either.
Secure the front with Harris.
Imlay, anything?
Nothing.
We only got maps of Santa Monica.
We need something farther east.
They're all burned.
Follow me, Imlay.
All right, here's the battalion commander's hooch.
Looking for maps, anything with an extraction point.
Staff sergeant.
I'll be right back.
Found a tactical map, staff sergeant.
Shows where all the units were deployed.
-What the hell are all these red marks?
-Means they're gone.
-You mean the units got moved?
-Wiped out.
-All of them?
-All of them.
Oh, shit.
All right. 
One alternate extraction site is still operational.
That's eight klicks.
Staff sergeant? 
Staff sergeant.
Adukwu, plenty of weapons around.
Find yourself an M-16.
Mr. Rincon is dead.
Wake up, Dad.
Please help me right now.
Don't leave me.
I'm so sorry, Hector.
I'm sorry.
No.
Your dad tried so hard to stay with you.
-I'm sorr-- 
-I don't wanna be here.
It's okay, bud.
Your father was a brave man, Hector.
Hector, I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry, buddy.
It's okay to cry.
He loved you very much.
Listen to me, Hector.
I need you to be brave for me.
I need you to be my little Marine.
Okay?
We gotta be brave for the others.
Do you know why?
Why?
Because Marines don't quit.
Do you believe that?
Say it for me.
-Marines don't quit.
-Good.
I'm gonna get you out of here, Hector.
I promise.
Let's go see the girls, okay? 
Come on.
We are not losing one more of those civilians. 
Understand?
You getting us out too, staff sergeant?
Or are we expendable?
All right, Lockett.
You wanna go there, let's go there.
I commanded men and men died.
Kids. 19 years old.
The best men I ever led.
Do you think for one second I wouldn't rather trade places with them?
I know you think I got my men killed.
They're dead.
I'm here.
Like the punch line to some bad joke.
You think I like that?
Do you think a minute goes by that those faces aren't right here seared into my brain?
Dante, Thomas T. Corporal.
1-5-6-5-0-9-3-8-6.
Ambruster, William R. Private.
8-7-6-6-6-2-3-5-4.
Wharton, Jeffrey H.
Lance Corporal. 8-7-4-2-7-3-9-9-3.
Lockett Duane G.
Corporal.
1-5-6-8-7-0-9....
Five-five.
Your brother was an outstanding Marine.
He was my friend.
And I miss him every day.
And you remind me of him.
None of that matters right now.
Because our duty is to keep moving forwards, to keep fighting.
That's how we honour your brother and Lieutenant Martinez Corporal Stavrou Lance Corporal Mottola Hector's father who picked up a rifle and did what needed to be done. 
A civilian.
So we better damn well step it up.
Discard any lingering doubt.
Work fast, work as a unit, and we will prevail.
Let's figure out how we're gonna get out of this.
Imlay, you come with me.
Get to higher ground.
The rest of you, find some ammo and some vehicles.
Gotta be a few LAV's or armoured Humvees still operational.
Sorry, bro. 
You didn't deserve this.
You went down fighting.
Holy shit.
I wasn't expecting to see all this.
That don't look good.
Reinforcements.
Holy shit.
They already set up a beachhead.
All right.
If that evac site is still operational, I think we can get behind the line.
That's gonna be one hell of a ride.
Yeah, well, that's what we get paid for.
Everybody move to the LAV now! 
Go!
Any station, this net.
This is Foxtrot-Two-November.
We have 11 passengers.
Requesting evacuation at alternate extraction point Charlie.
Are there any birds in the air? 
Over.
Foxtrot-Two-November, this is Sierra 2-5. 
Orders are to pull back.
Get to extraction point Charlie by 0300 or we'll be gone. 
Over.
Roger that. 0300, not a minute more.
Out.
Imlay, ever see what a Bushmaster chain gun can do?
-Oh, shit, yes, staff sergeant.
-Get on it, son.
Let's do this!
-No lights, Kerns.
-Roger that.
Let's move.
Bushmaster is locked and loaded.
Give them hell.
Damn right.
Two minutes till that helo drops.
Everybody okay?
All right, Kerns, take a left.
I want you to go over three blocks, then you go about five blocks hang a right, and straight.
-That should get us to the evac site.
-Yes, staff sergeant.
-I'd hold on if I were you, Lockett!
-Copy that!
-We got hostiles.
-What's going on?
-Let's not wait around and find out.
-It's gonna be okay.
Got about 250 rounds, staff sergeant.
Know what they say if you hit a deer?
-Speed up!
-Damn straight!
-Come on!
-Y'all hold on!
We're gonna have to go right through them!
-You saw that?
-They're going down like bowling pins!
Kick it out!
Run that sucker over, man!
Santos, you okay?
I got that nasty stuff all over my mouth, man!
-It's not funny.
-You let him do you on the first date.
-Everyone okay?
-Yes!
Let's get us home.
Cease fire!
-Stay close, stay close!
-What are we doing?
Load them up! 
Our flight path won't be clear much longer!
You're in the middle of the shit, sergeant!
What happened to all our air?
Pulled back to save our assets!
They were blowing us out!
We're abandoning Los Angeles!
Let's go, Imlay!
Son, you okay?
All right.
Let's move! 
Move, move!
Come on, Harris, let's go!
Hold on!
-You all right?
-Everybody all good?
-Girls?
-Everybody okay?
Hold on tight!
What happened?
Pilot said something was playing hell with our power!
Staff sergeant! 
Nine o'clock!
Santos, you said you were tracking massive RF signals?
Could a concentration of them knock out power?
Yes, definitely! 
Why?
Could be their command-and-control centre!
Get me down there!
What?
I gotta recon that area!
No way! 
It's a suicide!
Damn it, we're the only ones left!
All the other forces have fallen back!
We can't land! 
May not have power to take off again!
This is a letter for Martinez's wife.
Will you get it to her?
Yeah.
Hover at 40 feet!
-Twenty seconds!
-Roger that!
Come on, Adukwu, let's get this off.
Staff sergeant, what the hell are you doing?
We're in the clear!
We're almost home, Imlay!
You're in charge now!
You get these civilians home safe!
You're the bravest Marine I ever seen, Hector!
No!
Everybody, take cover.
I told you to stay in that helo.
Civilians are free and clear.
We were worried about your ass.
I think the command-and-control asset is nearby.
Kerns, how many klicks to that blackout?
It's about five klicks, staff sergeant.
Five klicks. 
All right.
We're gonna use this overpass for cover.
If we take out those drones our military might have a chance to get back into this fight.
Santos where would you put a command and control asset if you wanted to protect it?
-Underground.
-Let's go.
Everybody, let's move. 
Come on.
Move, move, move.
Move.
They must've gone back up.
Just leads up to the street.
I thought they were leading us to the command-and-control centre.
Damn it.
Let's go. 
Back.
Holy shit!
Santos!
They know we're here now.
That's their command-and-control.
Everybody out now!
Move, move, move! 
Follow me!
Up here! 
Up that ladder, go!
Move, move, move! 
Up that ladder!
Let's go! 
Move it up!
Blow that grate, Imlay!
Move, move, move!
We're right over their command asset.
That's it, all right. 
Let's move the concrete slab, 1 o'clock. 
Let's move.
Fire in the hole!
That should give us a couple minutes.
Laser target, staff sergeant?
We don't have any more jets, though.
They can fire ground-to-ground missiles from Edwards Air Force Base.
We radio in a strike, paint the target with the laser.
-Aye-aye, staff sergeant.
-Hoorah.
Our best chance at radio reception is on top of that building but it's the most exposed.
I'll do it, staff sergeant.
I'll make the call.
Santos, you got those codes?
Air Force strike package coming up.
You get to high ground. 
Once you radio in, they'll track that signal.
Things are gonna get real hot.
So once you make that call, you get the hell out of there, all right?
You know what that means?
We're gonna have to hold those things off till the strike gets here.
Bingo. 
Marines we make our stand here. 
Let those bastards know who they're fucking with.
-Retreat....
-Hell!
Two-Five.
-Right of the heart, right?
-Right of the heart.
They're gonna be coming up from there. 
Take two.
Plant one there and the other one on the other side.
-Keep your head down, get it done.
-Doc, watch your back!
Watch your head! 
Watch it!
Any station, this is Foxtrot-Two-November, do you copy?
Foxtrot-Two-November, this is Yankee-Tango, over.
We have a priority fire mission. 
We've located an enemy command centre under grid 885-342.
We will be lasing. 
Code 1-2-0.
I say again, we will be lasing.
Code 1-2-0.
Copy that.
Time to target, three minutes.
Staff sergeant!
We got three minutes!
It's coming in three minutes!
All right. 
Let's paint this target.
Hell of a shot, Kerns!
Get your ass out of there!
Get out of there, Kerns! 
Shit.
-Shit!
-Kerns!
Shit! 
Shit!
Doc, Doc! 
Get to cover now!
Move, move!
Shit.
Contact! 
Twelve o'clock!
Covering up front!
-Go, go, go!
-Go on, get in there!
Shift fire left! 
Shift fire left!
Right there, right there!
Got it!
Sixty seconds left.
-Lockett!
-Shit!
Let's go!
Back in the fight, Santos!
-Need a little help!
-Covering!
Imlay, use your grenade launcher!
-I got it, Doc!
-Covering!
Where's that goddamn artillery?
Should've hit by now.
Doc, let's go!
-Doc?
-Imlay! 
Imlay!
Incoming!
Yes!
Santos, we got it! 
We got it!
Direct hit! 
Direct hit!
Staff sergeant, you did it!
Yes, we got it!
The strike package. 
It went through?
-It came through?
-Yeah! 
All right, Kerns!
It's over.
It's coming up. 
It's coming up.
They're trying to get away.
The goddamn thing can fly, staff sergeant. 
It's flying now!
I'll get you out!
We gotta protect the laser.
Come on. 
Come on!
Santos!
Son of a bitch!
-That hurt!
-Cover me, Lockett!
The drones are pulling it away!
We gotta take it out now!
Incoming Copperhead!
They're using the drone to protect the ship!
I'm running low on ammo!
Santos!
-How is he?
-He's hanging in there, staff sergeant!
Crazy bastard.
You should've left me there.
Covering!
Grenade!
-Staff sergeant!
-We are not dying here, Lockett!
You damn right we're not dying!
It's getting out of range!
I gotta take it down!
Doesn't have enough punch!
Save that shot!
Staff sergeant!
Lockett, you okay?
Harris, you're gonna be okay.
There's the last Copperhead.
Santos, take out that drone!
Firing!
-Yeah!
-We did it!
We did it!
I can't believe it worked!
Yeah!
Staff sergeant, you did it!
There's nothing controlling the drones anymore!
Marines, on me!
They're retreating. 
Advance!
You guys saved our lives out there!
Semper Fi, Two-Five!
-All right, Two-Five!
-Retreat, hell!
You kicked ass, staff sarge!
Welcome home!
-Move! 
Move! 
Move!
-Good work, Marines! 
Outstanding.
Your civilians are safe.
Word of how you brought their ship down is going out to every army in every city.
We're mustering up whatever troops we can get and going back in.
So get out of that gear.
Get some chow in you.
There's breakfast in the tent.
You earned it. 
Hoorah, Two-Five.
-Get some smoke, Imlay.
-Got you.
Got grenades over here.
Anybody need?
-Got frag rounds coming down.
-Imlay, I think you could use this.
-Got it. 
HE rounds.
-I need a couple more magazines.
-Very nice, very nice.
-Everybody got ammo?
Yes, staff sergeant.
What do you think you're doing, staff sergeant?
We already had breakfast, sir.
I'll be borrowing this, sir.
Carry on.
-Retreat, hell!
-Hoorah!
This is Bullpen 2-3. 
Who's with me?
Morning, Bullpen.
Dog Pound 2-1, on your left.
Good to hear a friendly voice, Dog Pound 2-1.
Liberty 1-1, Snake Eyes joining the fight.
Yankee-Foxtrot-2-1, we're on your six.
-Morning, Dog Pound 2-1.
-Eagle on your right.

[Beeps]
Ground call Eagles, NCR Street Gang.
heflewto redirect2-2-9coordinateswithsuspiciousobjects .
Audible.
Five arrested Shadow Base target
On the radar is to enter U.S. airspace
Check the target of civil or military?
Unknown. 
Interim targets have not been determined.
Are you willing to test targets with the naked eye and wait for the next command?
Audible.
Diverted flights immediately.
This is the NCR Street Gang
Eagle One and Eagle Two, Approach towards 0-2.
Hear, Eagle One.
Audible. 
Two Eagles is moving to 0-2.
Five Shadow Base, He is not the obvious?
[Noise] NCR Street Gang, Identify radar signals
The object was flying at a height of 5.000, the direction 0-2-9.
We've seen the goal.
Objectives identified in the direction 2-9.
Permission to open fire.
[Noise] We see a series of strange flying objects.
Identify them dangerous.
Conducted under the directive to allow clean kill.
Audible.
NCR Street Gang This is called Eagle One, Eagle Two.
Priority 1, you guys are allowed to open fire.
Clearly heard, the ground.
I'm preparing to fire.
Shooting, Fox Two.
Need 3 seconds to lock the system automatically target?
If possible, into a closer,
It will not be enough time to reprogram the missile.
Good idea, try it.
This is called ground NCR Street Gang Alpha.
Target is the enemy, it fired missiles against our
Repeat, NCR Street Gang.
They reprogram the flight of the missile, causing it to change targets.
Let's stand back a safe distance, Street Gang.
I repeat again.
Do not shoot any missiles on the part of the target.
Missiles were fired late.
Tell them to stop.
Her request was recorded, the pilot.
Recommend sitting idle, we'll shoot it.
We can not shoot it
Will only cause more innocent people died unfairly below it.
If he refused to cancel the missile on target.
She was ordered back immediately
If not, be disciplined for anti command superiors.
ICBMs (cruise missiles across the continent) has been reprogrammed.
ICBMs in its sights.
I will destroy them.
Switch to machine guns.
[Alarm blaring] E.M.P. barrier (Electromagnetic wave) is destroyed.
Drop in energy.
The faster he moves into position to fight!
Volunteers!
Volunteers!
Glide away games, the pilot!
Whoa!
Whoa, whoa. 
Sorry, kid.
Note you do not have schedules offline.
Yes, but, said Sgt -
Now is not the time to argue to me, Laughlin.
If you want to comment, Go to the army y.
This is the command.
He will be the first to take off. 
Clear yet?
Clear.
Listen, Arnstead.
He was ordered to intercept the enemy leader.
Students proceed to wipe out the enemy.
Now, the thing is still unclear what the hell
Is controlling the other spacecraft,
But we will not let them see tomorrow.
Clearly not comrades?
Yeah well, classified.
I do not know what you have to play kamikaze suicide tactics or not.
But he does not escape to the name Clearly have not heard?
Do not upset the Party and people.
I was ready to take off, ranked dear.
Arnstead, attaching colored chia iron birds of note to the sky,
Or should I also note down
Note the rock ass to camp.
Ready to take off, my ranking.
You quickly took an uncle of debt
Avoid the side, So she also took off.
She said "the debt" does, Solano?
Do not say "bird" was "the debt" offline.
You're saying he Arnstead, sparsely arranged.
Permission
Position is replaced him, standing.
Maybe he needs some time to change diapers themselves.
Notes may be heard, Arnstead?
Quickly move away,
If not I will give Solano
Note butt shot for bloom light.
Quick. 
Boot off.
Note you can listen up!
Come on.
Note that you reproach
Global Defense for military 
- Air Force
Take notes if you have not inched hips,
Then I'm down there
And to pay you a few slaps that each mixed
To regain honor for the team.
Take any necessary drivers.
Come on.
Come on.
Solano, her stay there.
Arnstead, I note one last chance.
Note, please put the plane into the runway.
I'm saying.
Notes have not heard?
Then his eyebrows stand out, Arnstead.
He is also a few rounds
In the diet roller for this command.
He dedicated it to the computer for special occasions,
Such as having a mental guy
Think it is a next life of Adolf Hitler,
But now he decided to bring you the open row.
I will go there
Crushed skull and fired the air, sprayed "chao"
Although I would be very painful
When you see "welcome" the eyebrow
Splash on the "bird" of him.
Showing!
Enemy attack! 
Run fast!
Her sad death...
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
Go! 
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
They are unhappy where you do not kill me.
Aah!
Go! 
Let's go! 
Let's go!
Move it! 
Move it!
Move it! 
Let's go!
Fighting!
Ceasefire.
Ceasefire.
I think he inhaled too much toxic smoke.
Commander.
We have to protect your teammates, gathering.
This place is injured.
Ambulance!
Whoa.
Retreat.
Beware!
Let's go.
Go. 
Go. 
Go. 
Go. 
Go. 
Go.
Go!
Move out!
Move it! 
Move it! 
Move it! 
Move it!
Beware!
Showing, HQ (headquarters) has announced preparation electromagnetic storm.
Close to where we are stationed.
At that time, all communication will be temporarily interrupted.
How long?
It is not clear, my ranking.
Classified, temporary basis in our recent
Designed to withstand electromagnetic interference.
If up to that
We can communicate more quickly resumed.
Remember, our opponents are not stupid now as the Soviet Union.
But what other information about the electromagnetic storm is not?
Classified, they said all electronic devices are affected
From the ground to the upper atmosphere.
They clearly do not ever recover to be contacted.
So now we have to do?
We must find a homemade radio,
Radio use lamps to create a vacuum,
It would not affect electromagnetic waves.
He types what the uniform, his soldier?
Capt. Pete Rodgers
Air Division No. 4.
The first time you where?
I'm still flying, folks out.
Command asked me to perform reconnaissance missions
Investigate the novelty of it.
Dubbed Operation Los Angeles.
He remembers the day he made on some tasks is not, kid?
Yeah sure, classified.
February 13, sparsely arranged.
So you know how much this year is not, kid?
Was not clear, my ranking.
Sorry, but I hope you do not have your fiancée, Captain dear.
Because if someone is waiting for you...
Shit,
He made a long task to 68 years.
In that task he received in 1942.
Yeah right, my ranking.
Enemy attack!
Move out! 
Move it!
Move it! 
Move it!
Hadron Stop.
Check the level of electromagnetic waves.
Yes, classified.
Loading, two minutes will last up to Electromagnetic storms.
Okay, I need a satellite phone.
This sparsely arranged. 
Ok.
Immediate notification to the Air Force commander.
We recently found Capt. Pete Rodgers
From the Air Force Division No. 4,
Missing after flight in 1942.
Do you understand?
Immediately inform my superiors.
Find an expert at self-operated radio.
Yes, classified.
Although space-time travel is not my expertise,
But does not require the head of a physics professor
I can confirm he is the key So that we can defeat them.
He found one yet?
Then, my ranking. 
There is a civilian
Create a radio expert.
Charlie Murphy name.
Where is he?
I'm looking right here, folks out.
HQ, HQ we need to address Charlie Murphy immediately.
HQ.
Touch on military lines,
Please join me in touch immediately urgent.
Showing, someone is blocking our signal.
Heaven! 
Mau announced they signal recovery!
Connect the signal immediately.
I repeat, This is a military channel.
HQ, this is 144.
We need to address Charlie Murphy immediately.
Electromagnetic storm is coming.
4, 3...
HQ, HQ, we need to address Charlie Murphy now!
HQ, I repeat.
2...
This is the 144th army.
1.
We need to address immediately Charlie Murphy.
Hadrons, Where are we now?
Come!
Her sad death ... 
You have an address yet?
No, dear rate.
But the commander of the new orders.
They asked us to escort this guy to the area immediately 7.
MJ-12.
Yes, standing. 
MJ-12.
Coordinates that way about 5 miles of us.
Okay, Hadron, according to Laughlin, Newman, the problem remaining.
Rodgers escort to L-7, okay?
Maybe we should go together, my ranking.
No, I have to stay with wounded soldiers this
To see what we have been digging in the thick of this garbage.
What are you guys waiting, waiting to invite you?
The commander said he heard it then.
Operations, hurry.
I do not want anyone to sacrifice
Clearly not for lack of vigilance.
Forward.
Laughlin.
He had found him.
I must protect his safety, not clear?
Well, my ranking.
Forward.
Classified, this way leads to Area 7.
No, this party is true.
But, my ranking -
I know he tried very hard, Laughlin,
But little luck,
Find your way is not the job Blinded by his direction as he.
Forward. 
Divided.
How?
Why so long, cowboy?
Hey, Solano.
We have tail!
Enemy planes.
He was a - uh, Three followed.
Where?
!
We hid under the fuselage there.
Hey, they stick like eels so.
What?
He does not understand why, small fish big fish belly sticking.
How now?
We still stick by him, Arnstead.
Her sad death...
We want to do?
Why not try asking them?
Arnstead.
Arnstead, hey!
Arnstead!
Answer me, He was what?
Arnstead.
Arnstead!
Arnstead!
Hey!
Arnstead!
He was wrong?
Arnstead, Where is he?
Arnstead. 
Arnstead.
Answer me
Arnstead!
Ahh.
Arnstead!
Arnstead, answer it.
I'm calling it.
Ahh.
Ah, heavens, no.
Yes. 
Here.
Here.
Very delicious dive.
Mmm. 
Yes. 
Mmm.
Whoo!
Yeah.
Or so.
Suits his style.
He found nothing?
Ranked, right here.
I do not 
- I do not know what this stuff is.
What the hell, One of them bombs U?
Maybe, but l-how that people die all so clean?
The wound is like being pierced through the body,
Penetrate armor or something like that.
Okay, look, we can re-cycle
His rear, And I hit turn off
Yeah.
We need to know the enemy situation
I like to stay, Protection for Rodgers.
If I have to sacrifice, so he will command me.
He will hide here safely.
Steel strength there.
Producing this stuff out long ago
Mommy -
No!
Ohh.
[Projectiles fire] Aah! 
Ohh.
My umbrella!
[Soldiers Yell] Go! 
Go! 
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
Golden! 
Who gave him a hero!
Get back soon!
Hey, look. 
Things to lure us closer
It wanted to kill us one by one.
We could not approach the former commander.
This, Newman, I am now the commander, clearly not?
No, I was not ready to die like Golden
Or as some other corpse first.
UNH!
We must destroy it!
When they were arrested,
I am confronted with things like that.
It is primarily a night,
But he had very close access.
Nearly any size?
Closer to him.
Well, I have this plan.
Lowered down. 
Lowered down.
Go. 
Go. 
Go. 
Go. 
Go.
Perhaps he should leave me out again.
Showing, for my hand.
Aah. 
Aah.
What the hell are you doing?
Death throws it!
The secret lies in the accurate time base.
I was quite as bait, right?
Do not say anymore, classified.
That he will be saved, right?
[Gasps] No problem. 
Just give this old man.
I'm not free to lead him forever.
The promise he will kill them all right?
Yes, classified.
I do not want to be reincarnated as you,
We have to see that ghastly dwarf all enslaved.
Will not, sir rated.
Never has it been, right?
Very good.
He then qualified for graduation.
Hey, you guys do not go straight HQ.
We do not know who sent the message.
Where we miss the sticky traps, why aliens.
No, we must follow in order.
Command? 
Sir sun!
They killed all the flood and clean!
He also calculated the order of who?
Newman, if he wants to go, feels free...
I will assume he had deserted.
But I emphasize that, if he has to go
They must surrender our weapons.
Hey, you two argued together here every day,
Or if he is remembered by his soldiers, try to complete tasks.
Choose to go!
What do you do?
Mother, dead, dead.
So be it.
Everyone on the road.
Solano aircraft there.
This kind of living fell how can this be?
No, nobody was killed outside Solano Solano,
Let's go!
Let's go! 
Let's go!
I will come to the rescue Solano.
I keep watching Rodgers.
Hey, stay here and head down.
Like the hero saving the beautiful women do you?
Just to make sure she does not "disappeared" while on duty only
Okay, so this
I will support.
She ran.
No need to remind.
Run!
UNH!
Okay, Laughlin.
To turn.
Solano!
Here.
Go! 
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
Fighting!
Solano: 
Aah!
- You okay?
- Yes.
Let me reiterate.
Where they are not so gentle.
Continued to run it.
Okay, Run.
Go! 
Go!
Go!
Go! 
Go! 
Go! 
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
Fighting!
Are you too slow?
Now I do?
Do not know, Solano.
Maybe I need a break.
Running all day then.
Away. 
For my umbrella.
For my umbrella. 
Away. 
Away.
Ah, heaven. 
Ahh.
God, I also have to find a new so
Um. 
Me.
Capt. Rodgers I came to welcome him to the commander.
And as far as you?
Tyler Laughlin lieutenant.
Capt. Karla Smythe, Super Squad number 12.
Good job. 
You guys only about a mile and a half deviate only.
Come on.
Stop!
Hiding away.
Inside.
Safety.
Let's go.
Aah!
OK, go.
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
Thoi Co go up!
Fighting! 
Do it!
Away. 
Do it!
Fighting!
Fighting! 
Fighting!
Do it!
Go!
Go!
Just run.
Go!
All the colors come in?
Move! 
Move! 
Move! 
Move!
All the colors come in?
Click here now!
Every run. 
Do not stop.
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
Move!
Let's go!
The area has a 7?
Yes.
This place is electric.
Yes, but only limited power.
Magnetic storms are not stars?
No problem.
But the big problem with this planet.
Sincerely thank her declaration.
The weapons he needs to be here.
Hmmm. 
Both people I know are dangerous weapon.
No matter what, the old fat?
Hey, do not count anyone provocative,
But we can not give up weapons again.
We are 14th in the basement.
Means that both miles above the reinforced concrete.
Italian she mean?
Nothing was reached here unless we tell it to.
I do not carry weapons.
Okay. 
Come on.
Anyway it's out of bullets then.
Loaded them away.
Yes.
Beware this is a weapon there.
I would stay to ensure they load enough ammo for us...
Depending on him only.
Colonel Mekin.
Capt. Rodgers.
Thanks. 
Thank you escort him back to us.
Galaway sergeant, the two men led to the break room.
Watch out what they need to take some to stomach it.
If we walk together, my ranking.
We are a team.
Which should fail?
Novak, get more canned food here.
Captain...
Real honor.
He has been missing for quite some time,
So that looks have not changed anything.
Welcome him home.
He is the commander here?
Yes, and I have few wants, "confided" to me.
I had a message for him.
Great.
Follow me to do the interrogation room,
We started it yet?
No, I need to report to him....
Captain,
We should chat
More comfortable in the air
Colonel, if he refused to drop their people that he was arrested,
They never stopped.
Do you understand?
They'll tear up this world to find out who they want,
And they will not be stopped...
Never.
We are not detained anyone.
Joked that he not play anymore.
They just sent me back to inform him of this.
They want people to their release.
Who?
They want to drop anyone?
Whom he called Kaor.
I understand their language u?
I know.
A little.
If they sent Rodgers here...
To give you her little friend a message.
I think we should hold this opportunity.
But you know, a while for him to see it...
He will never again be allowed to leave.
Mmm.
Nah.
Mmm?
Too many things.
Mmm. 
Delicious there.
Please be advised,
I still give it a bad idea.
But because she is the guardian of it...
I had to talk to the people in it.
Do it.
Often we have to block everybody here
And arrested the brothers and sisters to sign commitment
That no one is allowed to disclose anything to hide behind the door of this.
But with all that had happened up there...
Suppose it is not necessary anymore.
Left a job.
Did anyone bring some peanut butter pie no?
Things that the devil really liked this dish.
It only withstand light at this wavelength.
Karla,
She does not understand what it says?
I'm not sure.
Capt. Rodgers.
If you do not mind.
Slowly, Captain.
Do not shoot.
Aah!
Kaor.
It needs to breathe oxygen.
Alive.
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
Whoa. 
Do more than that?
Let's go! 
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
Hurry!
Okay, okay.
It's up to you.
Do not shoot!
Solano.
Aw, too bad shot Newman, peanut shells all right?
Aah. 
Sit there.
Lifted her up.
Come on. 
Let's go.
She okay?
Never mind.
No one worried about me ah.
What did it say?
Something about the mother spacecraft.
No, slowly, it wants to talk about its spacecraft.
It wanted him to drive its spacecraft.
It says that true?
Kaor.
You guys!
Go!
How things work?
Vacuum bulb.
What? 
She said playing you?
Roswell stealing technology from there. (Town or a UFO)
I can only say that.
Really crazy.
Tyler.
Yes.
On the floor there.
Delicious.
Use things like?
Point and shoot.
Good. 
I understand.
Hey, Tyler.
Huh?
Are you safe?
Come on!
Aah!
Come on, female superheroes.
Drove off.
Mind your own travel.
Whoo! 
I love this stuff already.
Heh. 
Success.
This time he did not slaughter it anywhere. 
Tyler!
Here.
I helm.
I caught it. 
I caught it.
Whoa.
Go, Tyler!
Fighting! 
Drive away!
Yes! 
Yes!
Where is it coffee?
Over there.
She joked with me?
Not.
This is the will of John Fred Kennedy (his ill-fated presidential Tip).
Mau out of here.
Run away.
Go. 
Go! 
Go!
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
[Weapon firing]
Move! 
Move! 
UNH.
Go! 
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
Come!
Go! 
Go!
Down! 
Down! 
Down. 
Down.
Okay.
Come on.
She drove it huh?
Just know the boot only, The rest is very blur.
Things I learned,
What he must study ten years.
Virtual reality screen.
Touch control.
I do not do it, It strange too.
Tyler.
UNH!
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Go. 
Go.
Okay. 
Okay.
Within 1 launch buttons, super-speed into space.
Or. 
Or real.
Karla:
We're back.
Tyler! 
500 meters!
UNH! 
[Gasps] Yeah. 
Yeah.
Good.
Okay. 
Okay.
Whoo!
Yeah. 
Our spacecraft.
No kneading.
Come on, Tyler.
Ohh!
Lowering them.
Tyler.
Come on.
[Sighs] Karla, why not help him drive, eh?
Each machine is programmed to separate a pilot
And only one.
That person was me, Tyler.
So, synchronization.
Do you watch a Avatar.
Come on.
Oh, yeah. 
Very well.
Heh heh heh.
Whoo hoo.
Okay. 
Okay.
These controls -
Brain by electromagnetic induction.
It is in his thoughts.
He just looked at the screen, and
Find out where to edit.
He found yet?
Not yet.
I just felt something.
I know I feel anything?
Prepare for butt kicked.
I do not think that we welcome ritual.
Okay, thanks to you all there.
UNH.
UNH!
Hey, uh, although the pilot did not want him,
But I suggest doing a few moves to avoid obstacles.
UNH!
UNH!
I think we're going to spend parts.
Slowly. 
I know how to open the shield.
Yes.
Aw, I have plans or hopes.
Sticking to something.
Do right away.
[Grunts]
I've always longed to fly with the speed of light.
Here. 
UNH!
Ahh.
[Gasping] Map misery, next time try to remember the warning when he has not heard anything new.
Mother spacecraft center.
Can not be private.
Forward to watching the finale does nothing.
Okay.
Hey, hey.
I'm waiting for.
I also want to kick some ass baby alien.
Ho!
Wait a minute, okay?
Okay, go.
Solano: 
Beware.
Ahh. 
What the hell is that?
Wait.
Solano, please help me find the bag
See if something can not kill this machine?
Yeah right.
Aah!
Yeah.
Mau go.
Ahh. 
Thanks.
They have a thousand names.
Yes, we do not anticipate this situation.
Whaah! 
Ohh!
UNH!
Aah!
Hah!
It does not hold long.
Aah!
I caught it.
Come on.
Go! 
Go! 
UNH.
Oh, my gosh.
Aah!
Solano: 
Aah!
No!
Tyler.
Tyler.
Throw away.
Throw away.
Hurry!
Do it.
Aah!
Aah!
No one escaped.
Aah!
Let's go.
Karla: 
Aah!
I support her.
We can not be flying out of here.
To sacrifice the ship only.
Slowly.
Unless we use -
Shield.
- Yeah shield.
Or.
End of that control.
Okay, see below copy controls.
Here you?
There is a screen anymore.
Okay, Okay, Tyler,
I say it this seems absurd,
But I try to relax
And feel the ship.
Is not?
Yes.
Okay.
Yes he does
Okay. 
Okay.
Shield open.
Increased extreme.
Uhh!
Heh.
How does she see?
Health.
Good.
Go - go.
Okay.

BATTLE LOS ANGELES (2011)
- An unprecedented meteor shower falling off the coast of Tokyo.
The entire city is mesmerised by this incredible sight.
Two hours after the first contact an unidentified enemy has reached our coastlines in a swift and militaristic attack.
Right now, one thing is clear:
The world is at war.
At 14:46 Pacific Standard Time 12 different locations across the globe were breached in a coordinated attack by an unknown enemy.
All breaches were along the coastline in what is a campaign of rapid dominance.
This is a textbook military invasion.
There are massive casualties in New York.
Defensive lines are being set up in Boston.
And at 13:15 Zulu time, we lost communications with San Francisco and San Diego.
Their status is unknown.
What we know is that we are the last offensive force on the West Coast.
We cannot lose Los Angeles.
We have five birds down two klicks west of CP Victory.
We're hit, we're hit! 
Tighten your asses, we're going down!
Command and control is down.
Civilians in need of support two klicks northeast.
Cables inbound.
Engage your sectors of fire, over.
Oh, shit. 
Shit, shit, shit.
Good morning. 94. 5 with the Surfrider Foundation Morning Surf Report.
Surfers, hard northeast conditions blowing out there the ocean slopping and chopping.
There is some size starting to build...
Come on. 
Come on.
- Morning, staff sergeant.
- Morning, sergeant.
Morning, staff sergeant.
- Morning, sergeant.
- Morning, staff sergeant.
Morning, staff sergeant.
Morning, you little prick.
You know what they say. 
You're only as old as you feel, staff sergeant.
That's what I'm worried about.
I can't feel a damn thing.
- To the Pacific for our next report, where a cluster of meteors is predicted to enter our atmosphere in the early hours tomorrow morning.
Go ahead.
They're expected to strik e miles from land, far into the Pacific Ocean.
- John.
- Oh, God.
What's up, Mike?
Hey. 
What happened to that picture of us in Iraq with that camel?
I mean, your girlfriend.
Hey, is this for real?
It's got your signature. 
I said, "That's gotta be a mistake. 
He can't write."
No mistake, John. 
I did my 20.
I know when to get out.
Come on. 
You got the box full of medals, a file full of commendations.
You can have them.
Seems you like interior decorating.
A Marine's got a shelf life, you know?
After that...
What? 
He spoils?
Something like that.
I'll finish my training assignment with these Marines.
Get them combat ready.
And then I'll be on my merry way.
You know, we could always use another lean, mean typing machine.
Shit, I ain't built like you, John.
Ugly, slow, soft.
God.
You had to make some tough calls there, Mike.
Especially that last one.
We all wish your men made it home.
Here we go.
You're expired.
Clear the shelf staff sergeant.
Everything I know is in here, John.
What typically would have been detected months, if not years, before surfaced in less than four hours.
These images giving some idea of the rate these meteors are travelling.
Scientists are abuzz, scrambling to try and understand it.
There's something just extremely uncomfortable about a man your size sniffing a flower.
What you want is some hydrangeas.
Popular wedding flower, come in green, blue.
What colour is the bridesmaids' dresses?
- Good question.
- You're amazing. 
Take a whiff. 
Smell it.
Yes, pretty girl?
For 300 more, she said we could have sprays of lilies.
Now, I know it's a lot, but it'd be so beautiful. 
What do you think?
300 dollars? 
Goodness gracious.
It's a no-brainer. 
You're only getting married once. 
Worry about 300 bucks?
- Thank you, Stavrou. 
Thank you.
- Yeah, no worries.
You know what? 
It's your day.
Do whatever you want.
I'm gonna hit you with something.
What are you doing?
Busting your balls.
Tomorrow we shop for cakes.
And I can't wait.
I love cake.
Yo, Doc. 
What you doing?
Skyping back home.
Is that your girlfriend? 
Damn, she fine.
Doc. 
My boy.
That's my sister.
Goddamn.
Shoot, man. 
I'm speaking objectively here, you know what I'm saying?
All right, no, stop playing!
May I take a message?
Doc, is it all right if I have one of those first?
You eat it at your own risk.
They're very old.
So do you feel that you're making progress?
Yeah, yeah. 
Yeah.
I'm sleeping a lot better.
And then also around the firing range and everything when I first came back and hear the pop, pop, pop I'd get jumpy and it would mess with me a bit and a little bit of a setback.
But now it, you know doesn't bother me.
So I think that's progress.
So, what's the story with my status, doc?
I mean, are you gonna clear me for combat? 
Because...
Yeah, I feel good.
Let's meet again next week and we'll discuss it. 
Okay?
All right, thank you.
Thank you very much, doc.
Harris' girl is making the dude organise his entire wedding two weeks before we deploy.
I say the chick's busting his balls like nobody's business.
But he got two weeks to get it done because we're out.
So I just came by to visit you one last time before we leave.
And I brought Dad's five iron with me.
And you know what that means.
Me and the boys are gonna go out tonight, continue the tradition.
Have a good time, you know?
I'll see you soon, bro.
See you soon.
Motown, give me boots.
I'm going skiing.
Oh, that's how you do it, baby.
Here they come.
Don't mess this up, man.
They cannot know that you a virgin.
How do you know I...
Who says I'm a virgin?
We know you are. 
Look at your face.
What are you telling her?
Telling her what?
Oh, come on, you guys.
You're killing me.
That dog gonna hunt! 
Damn, Daktari, you can play, man.
We have courses in Nigeria, Imlay.
Shit. 
How am I supposed to know, man? 
It's an American game, right?
Adukwu's our Navy corpsman.
He's like a medic.
No, not like a medic. 
Medic is the Army. 
I'm a Navy corpsman.
Well, sailor, yes.
I came here to become a doctor.
Slow down.
That's like number five.
How many have you had?
No, I'm good.
- Now, this guy here, Mr. Lenihan...
- Hey.
...his mom signed so he could join up at 17.
And I look after him because this boy don't know his ass from a hot rock.
- Not on my truck, dude!
- Easy, now. 
Easy, buddy.
- Oh, yeah!
- Not on my truck.
- Toast. 
To Lenihan.
- To Lenihan!
Good luck, rookie.
Retreat, hell!
- Emergency developing throughout NASA and the space community.
We now know that meteors will land off the coasts of eight different cities and that number could k eep rising.
Evacuations now under way in Southern California moving the population back from the coastline.
But a lot of curious people are clamouring for views.
- What are you doing up so early?
- Lieutenant. 
Still gotta get used to that.
This thing right?
- Here. 
You want me to do it?
- It's tricky.
They gotta be parallel to the deck.
That's the whole thing with these bars.
- Don't forget to call Mr. Gilliam, okay?
- Okay.
- Call me later.
- I'll call you later.
That's my baby. 
All right.
Let's go! 
Move!
Quick time! 
March!
Marines! 
Into the trucks and report to your company! 
Let's go!
Move it! 
Let's move!
Move it!
- Load them up!
- Move it!
What's going on, first sergeant?
Meteors hitting off California now but they got the whole goddamn base being mobilised.
I'm bringing you back to the company, Mike. 
They need you.
First sergeant.
All hands on deck, staff sergeant.
- You heard we might be mobilising?
- Yes, sir.
Moving you up to squad leader.
It's a big responsibility, but you can handle it.
Thank you, sir.
Staff Sergeant Beck is being replaced by Staff Sergeant Nantz.
What do you know about him?
He's a very dedicated Marine.
Don't bullshit me, corporal.
What'd you hear about his last tour?
Just the grimy details that everybody else already knows.
But at the end of the day, you're our lieutenant and we take our orders from you, sir.
You're assigned to 1 st Platoon under Second Lieutenant Martinez.
His platoon sergeant's on leave, so you're gonna have to suck it up.
Yeah, so, here's the lieutenant right up here, 1 o'clock.
He's a kid, Mike.
Right out of officer training school.
He's only been with us a month, but I think he's sharp.
It's just an evacuation, buddy.
He's in charge.
Just keep an eye on him, huh?
Just don't lose my paperwork.
- Lieutenant.
- Good afternoon, staff sergeant.
- Happy to meet you.
- Thank you, sir.
We're being called in to help with an evacuation? 
For these meteors?
I assume so.
Whatever it is, I'm happy to finally get out in the field.
At approximately 4:42 a.m. Pacific Standard Time the meteors impacted...
Who the hell took my tortellini?
You got tortellini?
This some kind of drill?
Get ready, man. 
Get ready.
It's serious. 
Okay?
Meteors continue to fall off the coast of California, Ireland, Bay of Bengal...
Corporal. 
Corporal.
- Corporal. 
Corporal.
- Yeah?
It's probably just a training exercise.
No, man. 
They're shifting Nantz into our unit. 
Something's going on.
The guy wants out of the Marine Corps and now we're stuck with him.
- Stavs!
- You got tortellini?
I heard Nantz kicked ass his last tour.
He went into that compound alone and killed 10 insurgents.
- That's what you heard, Lenihan?
- Chill out.
Yeah. 
Johnson in Foxtrot told me that he was going on...
Don't worry about it.
- Let's go, this is serious.
- What the hell did I do?
Nantz got a couple guys killed on his last tour.
What?
That's the story.
Lockett's brother was one.
So I know you didn't know, but just don't... 
No, don't worry about it.
Looks like we're getting into some heavy shit.
It's been my experience, lieutenant, heavy shit is highly overrated.
Look, staff sergeant, let's just be clear.
I know your rep, know what you've done.
This is my platoon.
These are my men.
- Not gonna have a problem, are we?
- No problem, sir. 
She's all yours.
It appears our initial assumptions were wrong.
Listen up!
Once you get your weapon get your gear, get your munitions, move outside!
We got white chocolate rap from my man. 
That should finish the new mix?
National Guard troops have flown in to evacuate beach areas and we have word the military is now deploying.
That's us. 
That's us! 
That's us!
- Calling military for a meteor shower?
- I don't know why they're happy.
- A meteor that just hit the ocean.
Large plumes of smok e are coming up. 
Visibility is getting worse as we...
These objects were completely undetected until they entered our atmosphere.
NASA estimates that they are not hitting the water at terminal velocity.
They're slowing down before impact.
These objects are falling into the ocean in tightly packed clusters 10 miles outside of a major population centre.
Thermal imaging from the Hubble shows us that within each cluster is a central object much larger than the others.
Now, these central objects are all the same geometric shape.
They appear mechanical in nature.
This is not a meteor shower, Marines.
We are in Threatcon Delta.
That's right.
Come on. 
All units, gear up.
Be ready to move.
Combat situation.
It's what I've been training for.
I am told that one of the Coast Guard cutters has issued a mayday.
It is difficult to see, and...
Oh, my gosh!
There is just another meteor that just hit the ocean and it's the closest one yet, right behind those cutters.
Two or three meteors just impacted.
Shit.
Do you have any more information in the studio? 
Oh, my God.
Kate? 
Kate? 
Are you hearing us?
- Shut up, shut up, shut up!
- Kate, are you still hearing us?
Yes, Jean, I can hear you. 
Everyone, move out. 
Get out of the way.
What is that?
What is that in the water?
I can't really get a good look, but it appears there's something...
I'm looking through the people, trying to determine exactly what this is.
I don't even know.
It's lik e shadowy figures.
Maybe five, six, seven.
I can mak e out maybe eight figures.
- What the hell is that?
- Holy shit!
- Look at that!
- Stavs, you see that?
I'm gonna head back now. 
Everyone needs to get out of here right now.
I think that we've gotta leave, Jean.
I'm gonna head back now.
Oh, my God!
Go! 
Let's go. 
Go, go!
Corporal Grayston and Corporal lmlay are both expert marksmen as well as strong fire team leaders.
We also have PFC Lenihan, who is our second best marksman behind Lance Corporal Guerrero.
- What's your take on this, Specs?
I don't know. 
Extraterrestrial?
- Do you mean like from space?
- No, Imlay.
- From Canada.
- Always got jokes, don't you, Stav?
All right, first squad, line it up.
Bring it in. 
Let's go!
As you may have heard Staff Sergeant Nantz will be taking over for Staff Sergeant Beck.
We're lucky to have him aboard.
All right. 
Here's the situation, Marines.
We're facing an unknown enemy.
We don't know how strong their force is or what they're capable of.
But one thing we do know is that we're fighting for our land our families, our home and our country, goddamn it!
Whatever those things are, let's show them how Marines fight. 
Retreat...
- Hell!
- Two-Five!
- Retreat, hell!
- Let's form it up, let's go!
First in, last out, Marines!
Breathe, Lenihan. 
Breathe.
Your training will kick in.
Thank you, staff sergeant!
- Got something to get off your chest?
- No, it's cool, staff sergeant.
You got a silver star, my brother came home in a box. 
I get it.
All stations, this net.
Standby for sitrep.
Enemy elements have advanced beyond the beach.
Aliens? 
That's not possible, right?
We'll know soon enough, brother.
One-oh-one tank has been destroyed.
Company beyond the defensive line...
It's in case his head gets blown off, so they can identify his body.
Be advised, enemy have heavy assault weapons.
Firepower equal to high-explosive rounds.
Hey, staff sergeant! 
Promise me you won't let me be taken alive by some godless predator from another world, staff sergeant?
No promises in combat.
Stop screwing around and keep your head in it!
These units are falling tactically.
Their strategies are coordinated.
Do not underestimate enemy combat intelligence.
We are not evacuating civilians fast enough.
I say again, we are not evacuating fast enough.
All units be advised, there are friendlies behind enemy lines.
Semper Fi, 1-7 Actual, out.
You gotta take me to dinner first, baby.
Boys, hold on to something.
Things are about to get rough.
Let's go, let's go, let's go! 
Out! 
Go!
Move, move, move!
Form it up!
- What do we got, sir?
- All right, situation is as follows:
Most of Santa Monica's been cleared of civilians.
We got a defensive line at Lincoln Boulevard a mile from the ocean.
Air Force has got Warthogs and B-52s on deck.
At 1930 hours, they will pound the entire area from Lincoln to the ocean.
Shit.
We're levelling Santa Monica, sir?
We got an infestation of God knows what not of this Earth and we gotta hit them with everything and we gotta hit them hard.
They are a ground-force enemy only.
They have no aircraft, so the Air Force will tear them a new asshole and we will rule the air.
- You said "most civilians," sir?
- Affirmed.
Getting distress calls, sending squads out.
Golf, you take Santa Monica to Olympic.
Foxtrot, Olympic to Pico.
Echo, Pico to Ocean Park.
Lieutenant Martinez, I want you to break off a squad and a machine gun team.
Proceed west from Lincoln to a police station located here at Venice and Amarosa.
- Venice and Amarosa.
Police were overrun.
Got a distress call that civilians are still there. 
We don't know how many.
Just gather survivors, then you radio in.
We'll have helicopters in the area to evacuate you out.
Now, be advised, you got exactly three hours before our bombs drop.
And make no mistake, they will drop, with or without you.
Get those civilians, get the hell out of there and you kill anything that is not human.
Let's go! 
Let's get it done!
Captain, this is not a drill. 
You hold that line, you understand me?
Yes, sir.
- From the coastline into suburbs.
Golf company is overrun.
Lima company requesting immediate air support.
Civilians are being stranded behind enemy lines.
Hang on, One!
Fire in the hole!
Troops are amassing in every coast, along every major coastline.
The UN has called an emergency sitting in an attempt to establish a means for sharing resources and intelligence across the globe.
Watch out, go!
This way?
Where are we supposed to go?
Jesus Christ.
Marines, anything beyond this point, consider to be hostile.
All right, nice and easy.
Clear.
Hell of a way to earn your citizenship.
Shit. 
I'd rather be in Afghanistan.
Lieutenant. 
How many civilians we gotta get out of that police station?
I have no idea, Guerrero.
Just stay focused.
- What the hell's that? 
What is that?
- This is insane.
Yo, eyes open.
An unidentified enemy has breached our coastlines in a swift and militaristic attack.
At this point, there are many more questions than answers.
Right now, one thing is clear:
The world is at war.
Eyes open.
You see something, Simmons?
Can't see shit.
- Kerns, you see a cross street?
- Lieutenant, I don't see nothing.
Police station's about one klick northwest of here.
- Twelve o'clock!
- Hundred metres front.
- This is Echo 6, we need immediate...
- Turn your radios down.
- It's just a dog.
- Just a little doggy. 
Come here.
- It's just a dog.
- Dog.
- Dog.
- Dog.
What's his name, huh? "Glenn."
Kidding me. 
Who's the idiot naming dogs these days?
What do you wanna call him, Fido?
Watch out!
- Where's it coming from?
- I don't know.
Lenihan, watch your head!
On the roof!
Enemy fire! 
Eleven o'clock!
- They're on the roof! 
On the roof!
- Cover him!
Twenty-five metres!
Twenty-five metres!
- Lieutenant!
- Left flank, on the roof!
Covering, covering!
- We gotta move now!
- Lockett!
- Yes?
- Get me an exit down that alley!
Yes, sergeant!
Kerns, Motown, let's go!
Get up! 
Come on!
Falling back!
Let's go, come on!
Enemy fire! 
Watch your head!
- Where'd they come from?
- Fall back!
Enemy fire, keep your head down!
It's all over the damn place!
What do you see?
I don't know, man. 
I don't see shit.
How do we get out of here?
- Lieutenant, where's the exit?
- I'm working on it!
- Shit, we're boxed in!
- I'll take a position by the wall! 
Go, go!
- Move out!
- Ambush!
I don't have him!
I'm hit!
Cover me, Lockett!
- Man down, man down!
- It burns!
Shit!
I got you, Guerrero!
Lieutenant! 
Lieutenant!
I've got you covered!
We have an exit!
Everybody, move out! 
Move out!
Move, move!
Staff sergeant, we got an exit! 
Come on, we're going! 
Come on, let's go!
Fall back, fall back!
Fall back, fall back!
Go, keep moving! 
Keep moving!
Lorenzo!
Move, move, move!
Keep moving, keep moving, keep moving!
I can't see shit!
Shit, shit, shit!
Lmlay!
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
U.S. Marines, coming in!
U.S. Marines, anybody in here?
Kitchen's clear!
The kitchen's clear, lieutenant!
Get on that window! 
Are we clear?
Put the wounded in the kitchen!
Kerns, Lockett, secure the back of this house.
- Yes, staff sergeant.
- Staff sergeant, we're on it!
Doc, how long till they're able to move?
Ten minutes. 
Ten minutes, staff sergeant. 
Ten minutes.
You want me?
Come get some! 
I'm right here!
What do we got, Imlay?
I got nothing.
I can't see a goddamn thing.
- With this smoke, it's zero visibility.
- You're dead!
Stow that shit, Simmons!
You'll get shot before you're able to kill any of them.
Your orders, sir?
I led us right into that ambush.
- Mottola, anyone on command?
- No, sir.
- We need to find answers to get out.
- You're in charge, sir. 
Your orders?
Let's radio that evac to meet us.
Civilians or no, we gotta get these wounded out.
- Roger that.
- Hey, guys, guys. 
Where's Lenihan?
I didn't see him with us. 
Where is he?
- Lenihan?
- Lenihan?
Anybody got eyes on Lenihan?
- Lenihan!
- I'll go for Lenihan, sir.
Imlay, Harris, on me.
Let's get this shit out of here.
I'll package the wounded.
Rally on 10th Street.
Be prepared to move.
We're moving out soon.
Shit.
Mottorola.
Mottorola?
Oh, come on. 
Mottorola, you copy?
Lenihan, where are you?
Staff sergeant?
Jesus Christ. 
I had to turn my radio off. 
These things are everywhere.
We're coming for you.
What's your location?
I'm in the laundry room of some apartment complex.
It's like three storeys...
What colour is it? 
Lenihan. 
Lenihan?
Shit.
Lenihan.
Lenihan.
Shit.
So smooth...
Smooth is fast.
Shit.
Oh, shit.
- Lenihan!
- Lenihan, lower that weapon!
What the hell...?
Keep on firing!
Jesus Christ!
What the hell is that thing?
It's not dead. 
They don't die. 
I've hit it a hundred times. 
They don't die.
Get separated from the unit again, I'll find you and shoot you myself.
Imlay, drop a grenade in that pool.
Let's move!
Come on, I got you. 
I got you.
Frag out.
Street's clear.
Get down, get down, get down.
- What's happening? 
What's going on?
- All right, we're good. 
Come on.
- It's Lenihan.
- Yo, Lockett.
You owe me $5. 
I told you, a virgin ain't gonna die till he get him some.
Move to the police station?
- All right, let's move. 
Let's move.
- Move it. 
Move it out.
- Where'd that come from?
- Door's open at the bank!
Take care of him.
Where'd the shot come from?
- Kerns!
- Door's open on the bank! 
Let's move!
Come on, let's go! 
Move! 
Move it!
Stavrou, you got front. 
Stavrou, cover front. 
Harris, cover front!
Roof's clear, roof's clear!
I got it. 
I got it covered.
Harris! 
Find me where that shot came from, guys!
Lmlay, get eyes up on that roof, all right?
- Cover the roof!
- Roof's clear, roof's clear!
Lockett, on me!
Did anybody even see where that came from?
Doc, how serious?
Third degree thermal burns on his neck and his face, sir.
You'll be surfing soon, Simmons.
Shit.
- Hostiles, 12 o'clock!
- Hostiles at 12 o'clock!
Staff sergeant, hostiles, 12 o'clock!
Prepare to fire!
Hold it, hold it!
Friendlies, sir.
- Shit.
- Friendlies. 
Let's get them in.
Get over here.
Move. 
Move to the back.
Let's go. 
Come on, get.
- What's your unit?
- 40th, ID.
Where's the rest of your unit?
Everyone else is either dead or missing.
I picked up Air Force here.
Tech Sergeant Elena Santos, Air Force.
61 st Wing, intel, surveillance, recon division.
Tech sergeant? 
What the hell are you doing here?
We were tracking enemy transmissions about 12 klicks south of here.
They ambushed us like they knew our freaking address.
I'm the only one left.
I found these guys on the way to the safe zone at Santa Monica Airport.
You ready to use that weapon, tech sergeant?
With all due respect, staff sergeant, I didn't get this far off of my good looks.
- I'm ready for payback.
- Outstanding.
Lieutenant, bird inbound, 25 minutes, sir.
Roger that.
Let's get to that police station.
All right, let's get Simmons and move.
Let's go!
Cover our flanks, Mottorola!
To the right, in that building!
Watch your feet!
There's the police station.
Let's get those civilians and get back to the F.O. B!
Gotta rock, gotta rock!
Come on, come on, come on.
I'll stay with our wounded, wait for the medevac.
I'll go for civilians.
Kerns, Dever, on me.
- Mags, mags. 
I need mags.
- All right.
Santos, when that bird arrives, I'll need your help on this stretcher.
U.S. Marines! 
U.S. Marines!
Door. 
The door.
- Elevator right.
- Clear!
Elevator right.
Second elevator, clear! 
No pulse.
Door left.
It's locked.
- What's your name?
- Harper.
- I'm gonna need you on this stretcher.
- Bird incoming, sir!
Roger that. 
Imlay, pop smoke!
- Door locked.
- Door left.
Radios off.
Move.
U.S. Marines! 
U.S. Marines!
- How many of you?
- Five of us, three kids.
Kerns, kids!
- Let's move!
- Let's go, let's go!
All right, let's get ready to move!
Let's get it up!
- Here we go! 
Let's move!
- Aye, sir!
We got room for four and that is it!
That is it.
- Get your wounded on! 
Move it!
- Oh, yeah, baby.
Come on. 
Come on. 
Get up. 
Get up.
Get him in. 
Hey, Guerrero.
I'll work on that mix for you!
I'm gonna need it, dude! 
You're gonna be fine! 
You're gonna be fine!
Give them hell!
- Oh, shit.
- Come on, man.
You just had to get out of the shit.
- You take care of yourself!
- I will.
I'll see you soon, partner.
- That's it.
- We have civilians coming out!
- We can't take them, we got no room!
- Make room!
We can't! 
Now, get back, sir!
Fall back.
Move back, move back, move back!
Wait! 
Kids, kids!
Get back to the police station!
Backtrack, everybody! 
Come on, back!
They have air power. 
Again, enemy has air support. 
We have a bird down.
Damn it!
Tango's heading northeast of our grid.
We've disengaged back into a police station. 
We have civilians.
I say again, we have civilians.
Lockett, Kerns, secure this door.
Nothing gets in, you understand?
We got a body. 
Do you think you could get rid of it so the kids don't see it?
What do you want?
Where should we go?
Dever.
Set up back there, okay?
Come on, you guys. 
Take the back.
Stay away from the window, all right?
Are there gonna be more choppers?
Did you guys call any in?
I'm sure they're gonna come for us.
They know where we are.
Shit.
You okay? 
You all right?
- I'm good. 
Yeah.
- You sure?
- You didn't get hit or nothing?
- No, I'm good, man. 
I'm good.
Man, they're gone. 
They're gone.
Everybody's gone.
Lenihan, Guerrero, Grayston.
Grayston. 
Grayston had kids.
Didn't deserve that.
Didn't deserve that!
He didn't deserve to go out like that!
Neither do you! 
You hear me?
You're gonna make it through this!
All right? 
You're gonna get out of here.
You're gonna marry Cherise.
And you're gonna be her problem because I'm done taking care of your sorry ass, you got that?
All stations, this net. 
Sitrep as follow:
Enemy aircraft number four fleets at this time.
Be advised, more entering battle space Los Angeles from ocean on bearing 2-niner-7-5-0.
They got air support too.
Knocked our bird right out of the sky.
So much for ruling the air.
There's no time for that, lieutenant.
Those bombs are gonna drop.
And we're in the blast radius.
Top of my goddamn class.
And I get out in combat in the middle of that shit? 
Goddamn it!
I already lost four of my goddamn men!
Four good men.
Who would go to hell and back for you, sir.
- Have you?
- Yes.
You're not the first to lose men.
You won't be the last.
Now, put that away.
You understand me?
Right now your men are awaiting orders.
Now, you can go left, you can go right.
I don't give a damn.
Just make a decision.
Lieutenant.
It's a no-go on the helo, sir.
Enemy aircraft is lighting it up.
Command says it's like nothing they ever seen.
We gotta find a way out.
We gotta get to that F.O.B.
You're right. 
We gotta move.
Let's get these people safe.
Lockett, Kerns!
I need you to set up an observation post on the roof.
We're gonna move by foot, so we gotta move fast.
Scan for hostiles, find the best route out of here.
All right, sir.
Lieutenant.
Officials are now saying any civilian within 10 miles of the coast should try to mak e their way to a military forward operating base, F. O.B.
This is the safest place that you can be right now.
Now, the military has set up a line of defence to try to protect civilians.
Take a look at you, make sure you're okay, all right? 
Good. 
Okay.
Just look at this. 
There you go.
- Water fountain is there, Mr. Rincon.
- Okay, thank you.
- No problem.
- Thank you.
- Joe Rincon.
- Staff Sergeant Nantz.
This is my son, Hector.
We all wanted to thank you for coming to get us.
Yeah.
Hey, Hector. 
We leave no man behind.
So you here when the police got overrun?
Right. 
Well, long as you're both okay.
Hey, you all right, man?
Yeah. 
Yeah, I'm good.
Okay.
If you... 
If you need him to do anything you know.
- I'll let you know.
Aye-aye, sir.
Aye.
Thank you.
We got two dozen hostiles about 300 metres out.
Lieutenant, we got two dozen hostiles 300 metres north, over.
It's like those things are on overwatch, just like us.
That one out front looks like the leader. 
Now they got leadership.
So do ants, Kerns.
You think those things get scared too?
Probably just like us. 
They're probably just grunts that get told to go fight.
Come on. 
Find us a way out of here, Marine, because we're sitting ducks.
They dragged them out of the house, into the street put them in perfect order before they shot them.
They shot them right in the head.
Chief, do we have any idea why this is happening?
Well, it's clear there has been no attempt at any kind of communication.
No demands, nothing lik e that.
So, obviously, they are here for our resources.
When you invade a place for resources you wipe out the indigenous population.
Those are the rules of any colonisation.
And, right now, we are being colonised.
Brave kids.
They're my nieces. 
My sister and her husband are away on vacation.
Thing is, they live in Arizona.
I see them once or twice a year.
And now I may be all they have left.
- You have kids?
- No.
Neither do I.
I used to regret that, but maybe it was for the best.
Of course, our planet's surface is 70 percent water.
So again, and I have to stress this, without certainty the leading hypothesis remains that their objective, their target is our water.
- Shit.
- There ain't gonna be nothing left.
- I think I got a way out of here.
- What'd you say?
Right here, look. 200 metres out.
- What's right behind that backside?
- Bus.
- Lieutenant, we got a bus.
- Roger that.
So the men on the roof saw a bus.
They think it could be operational.
Maybe we'd be better off on foot.
It's miles to the operating base and those bombs are gonna drop in an hour.
We gotta move fast.
Bus is a big target.
I made the call.
It's my responsibility.
Stavrou, Harris.
Lieutenant needs recon on a bus.
If it runs, get it back here.
- You know how to hotwire a bus?
- Stavrou can. 
He's from Jersey, sir.
Ladies first.
Two hundred metres.
Go down, there's the cars burnt out, there's a pickup truck.
Right back behind there.
We have a situation.
Y'all need to follow me.
Harris found it out here.
Y'all gotta see this thing.
Weapon looks like it's been surgically attached.
Talk about commitment to cause.
Shit.
- You gotta be kidding!
- Corporal. 
Corporal, hold it.
Let me shoot this thing, staff sergeant.
That weapon's hot.
Let me just shoot it.
- Doc.
- Yes, staff sergeant.
Oh, Lord, have mercy.
We need to know exactly where to hit this thing so we don't waste all our ammo.
Maybe I can help.
I'm a veterinarian.
Sure you wanna do this?
I was more sure when I was standing over there.
We gotta figure out how to kill these things.
Otherwise, we won't last another five minutes out there, okay?
Let's peel this back.
- Look at this, we got a organ here.
- Jesus Christ, look at that.
- I got another one.
- Me too.
Does it have some sort of cognitive mechanism? 
Anything?
There's no frontal lobe, no temporal lobe, no parietal lobe.
The cranial vault is unlike anything.
- Oh, shit.
- What?
- You see what I'm seeing?
- What?
The ones that were just on the roof aren't on it.
There's about two dozen coming out the door.
They're on the street heading this way.
- Lieutenant, we got movement up here.
- Roger that.
We have contact 300 metres out.
We gotta cut quick.
Lieutenant, we gotta move!
What do we do?
- Shit's hitting the fan. 
Gotta move.
- Staff sergeant.
Come on, how do you kill this thing?
Goddamn it, Stavs.
- I lost them.
- You lost them?
Lieutenant, they're gone.
Lieutenant, I don't see anything.
- We got a breach.
- Got a breach on the north entrance!
They're inside.
I'm gonna gather everyone by the doors on the south side.
We're right behind you.
What was that?
- Adukwu, you go with her.
- Yes, staff sergeant.
- Imlay, got an HE grenade round?
- Never leave home without it.
You cover that hall to the rear.
Buy me some time.
They start coming, you blast the hell out of them.
Hey, Harris.
Where's that goddamn bus?
Stavs. 
Stavs, we got an enemy scout.
Come on, let's go.
Yes! 
Yes! 
Yeah, baby!
Newark! 
Represent!
Lieutenant, we've got the bus, heading back.
Okay, guys, the bus is en route!
Bus is en route!
Thirty seconds till we move out!
Lmlay, give me a sitrep.
I need an update on the breach.
Report back, over.
We're running out of time.
Move!
Contact!
They've breached.
This is our last shot.
Got it.
Right here.
That's gotta be it. 
It's dying.
That's how we kill this thing, to the right of where the heart would be.
- Got it.
- I got three more!
Let's get out of here.
Get them on the bus! 
Get them on that bus! 
Let's go, let's go!
- Get on.
- Get underneath.
You okay?
Heads up. 
Cover your sectors of fire.
Heads up!
Marines, concentrate firepower to the right of where the heart would be.
Yes, staff sergeant.
That's how we kill these things.
All right, remember your training.
We got a hostile warbird, thousand metres out.
Everybody keep your eyes up.
All buckled up back there, lieutenant.
Roger that.
It should be about six miles to the F.O.B.
I don't know, 25, 30 minutes.
If we stay on these side streets.
Air Force is gonna level this area in 40 minutes.
Get us to the forward operating base.
Fast.
What the hell is that?
Stavrou, stop the bus.
Everyone, get down.
Any station, this is Foxtrot-Two-November. 
Sitrep to follow.
Go ahead, Foxtrot-Two-November.
Enemy aircraft.
They're lighting up the sky heading east towards downtown Los Angeles.
Copy that.
They're tracking our signals.
Mottola, turn off that radio!
They're tracking our signals!
All radios off! 
Cell phones, everything!
Give me your radio.
Mottola. 
Give me your radio.
Where you going?
- Staff sergeant!
- Where the hell is he going?
- We gotta get off this bus, all right?
- Ten o'clock, lieutenant, 10 o'clock!
I see it, 8 o'clock, heading south!
It's getting closer. 
Hey, it's at my 6!
A hundred metres!
Oh, my God.
Everybody, get down!
Holy shit.
- What was that?
- Is he all right?
- Did he make it out?
- Staff sergeant?
- There he is.
- Staff sergeant's alive!
- Yeah, he's alive!
- There he is!
That aircraft was unmanned, lieutenant.
Drone.
That was some real John Wayne shit, staff sergeant.
Hey.
I can't afford to lose you.
Neither can these men, all right?
Yeah. 
They're your men.
All right, staff sergeant!
That's how you do it!
- That's retreat, hell!
- That's right.
Who the hell's John Wayne?
Everybody, eyes open!
Stay alert!
Thank you for that.
It's nothing.
What's that mean, "retreat, hell"?
During World War I, an officer from our regiment was ordered to retreat.
He said, " Retreat, hell.
We just got here."
You should have the doc take a look at that.
I thought you were a doctor.
Animals and aliens only.
I'll put it on my to-do list.
Thank you.
Excuse me, staff sergeant. 
Did you say that was an unmanned drone?
Correct.
They must have one hell of a command-and-control system.
If NORTHCOM didn't agree with you, I wouldn't be here.
Why?
My mission was to provide AIS with a strike package.
A strike package?
Yeah, coordinates for a missile strike on a command-and-control centre.
But the asset fell off the grid and we lost them.
All side streets are blocked.
Our only choice is to take the freeway.
All right. 
Well, it's your call.
Stavrou, get us on a freeway.
We don't wanna be in this area when these bombs start to fall.
Try to miss at least one of the cars, Stavrou.
Just keep driving.
Off ramp is one mile ahead.
Jesus.
Look out.
The ramp, it's gone, lieutenant.
All right, Robertson exit, half a klick away.
Look out! 
Incoming, 12 o'clock!
- You okay?
- Harper!
Tank's drawing enemy fire!
It's a good time to move!
I'll suppress the fire, you take the civilians!
Secure this exit, Imlay!
Lmlay, get me a defensive line on that vehicle!
- Move, move, move!
- Let's go! 
Come on.
- Let's go!
- Come on, stay down, stay down!
Just keep everybody calm.
We'll be right back, all right?
All right. 
Safety first, buddy.
Martinez, if we get the civilians to that helo, they take cover, rappel down.
I got a dozen up on the bridge.
They're moving down.
Lieutenant! 
Tank's out!
Nothing's stopping them now!
Staff sergeant, civilians won't make it to that helo without cover fire.
Lockett, Kerns, on me, let's go!
Let's move, let's move, let's move!
Get the civilians down, all right?
Move!
Come on!
About a 30-foot drop. 
Let's go.
Get behind the bus!
Now, now, now! 
Get behind it!
Kids first! 
Around the body, bring them down one at a time.
Roger that.
Imlay!
Get your team up on that garbage truck!
Staff sergeant, cover us up front!
Stavs, you're with me! 
On me now!
We're gonna run behind that helicopter and we're gonna rope down, all right?
The girls will be first.
I promise you nothing's gonna happen. 
Okay? 
Stay down!
Lieutenant, dozen hostiles, maybe more!
Four hundred metres and closing fast!
Cover, cover!
What the hell are you doing?
You guys need another gun.
Three o'clock. 
Up on the bridge, Santos. 
Up on the bridge.
Incoming!
Ten o'clock!
- Reloading!
- Aim for the leader!
Hell, you can take all the room you want.
Mottola, move, move, move!
Yes, staff sergeant! 
Come on, let's go!
Let's go, go, go! 
Run now, run!
Keep running! 
Don't stop, run!
Run, run, run!
- Get in there!
- Cover me!
- I'm going for the.50 cal!
- Hurry up!
Get some, Lockett.
- Shit.
- What the hell is that thing?
I'm engaging!
You'll be okay, all right? 
It's okay.
Listen to me. 
You're going to be okay.
I got you. 
I will not let anything happen to you, all right?
Shit!
Man down!
You're gonna be okay. 
Hold on, hold on! 
Keep going. 
Hold on!
Keep looking up!
Oh, God!
I got you. 
It's okay. 
It's okay.
Get the ant that's controlling that thing!
Lockett, get off your ass!
It's turning this way!
It's about to hit the fan, guys.
Get out now! 
Move!
Santos, come on!
- Come on!
- I'm stuck.
Go!
- What are you doing?
- Go!
Lmlay!
Where's Stavrou?
Mottorola! 
How many down?
Two down, staff sarge! 
One to go!
Look at me, look at me. 
Look, look.
Be good, okay?
- It's gonna be fine, okay? 
You ready?
- Lieutenant, C-4!
Let's blow this sucker to hell!
Let's do it.
Kerns!
Covering!
All right, dough is good to go!
- Go!
- Covering!
Damn it! 
We've lost the detonator.
- You all right?
- Yeah, got the wind knocked out of me.
- Mottorola!
- Dad!
You're okay, Hector! 
You're okay.
Hold on!
- I need bandages from the first aid kit.
- Sir! 
Sir!
It's okay!
Oh, my God!
All right.
We gotta get you to a medevac.
Doc!
Oh, shit, man!
- We need some cover!
- Damn it, I'm out!
- Got another mag, Lockett?
- They kicking our ass!
You're getting pinned down, staff sergeant!
Marines, you're getting pinned down!
- We're not leaving you.
- Staff sergeant, get them out!
- Lieutenant, I am not leav...
- Get them out!
- No, I'm not leaving you!
- Get them out!
No! 
Not again!
I have a bag of C-4 on the bus.
Give this to my wife and get them off this goddamn freeway.
That's an order.
Yes, sir.
Right behind you.
Cover the lieutenant!
Hey, I'm out!
They're closing in!
Here we go.
This is Lieutenant William Martinez Echo Company, 2nd Battalion, 5th Marines. 
Hoorah!
We're still half a klick inside the bombing zone.
Move to live, Marines.
Did he just leave the lieutenant back there to die?
Sure looked that way.
And this is the guy in charge of us now?
Let's move.
Hey, those are our jets.
We're still in the fight.
All right, we're clear of the bomb zone.
Let's tighten this place down.
Bombs drop in six minutes.
Santos, Kerns, on me.
Let's see if there are any comms.
All right? 
Hardwire only.
- Corporal Harris, we clear?
- We're clear!
- Do you have a hard line in here?
- Over there.
Now, my son's an optimist.
When this first happened, he said, "Why don't we go try to talk to them?
Maybe they wanna be friends."
Hector? 
Hey.
We're gonna go get some food and water for your dad, okay?
It's okay.
And what'd you tell him?
I said:
"You know, if they're chasing and shooting us they're probably not good friends."
I should've followed directions and gone to the F.O.B.
I should've never stayed at the police station, but I was scared, man.
I made all the wrong decisions.
You trusted your gut, Mr. Rincon.
You made a call.
I'd do the same thing to protect my Marines.
- I had a situation my last tour.
- Yeah?
There was no right call. 
You went left or you go right, it didn't matter.
But you're alive.
Yeah, I survived.
But I wasn't supposed to.
Staff Sergeant Nantz...
You promise to save my son?
Staff sergeant, we have a hardwired connection!
Doc, keep him warm.
Sun is going down.
This will keep you warm.
We're estimating that 20 cities in 17 countries are now under full attack.
It's obvious the enemy is attempting to cut us off from one another.
Is there any more information at this time, Professor Stavert?
New data shows that they're using our water as their fuel and our ocean levels are already decreasing.
They are using it to power their ships, their machinery possibly their own bodies. 
It's the composition of our water that's unique.
It's in a liquid state. 
No other locations in our known universe have liquid H2O anywhere near their surface.
I just saw a field report that said they will use our sewage systems to follow our water to their ships.
- How'd you get that to work?
These things are everywhere. 
There's one off the coast of 20 countries.
They're calling it the command-and-control centre.
- That's the thing you were tracking?
- Yeah.
So you're saying that's the thing that's controlling the drones?
Yeah. 
And if we wipe it out, we take out their air power.
These bombs better work.
- Let's move it.
- Bring him through here.
- Set him down.
- How much time we got?
One minute.
Air Force about to lay some pain on those extraterritorial bastards.
- All right, Two-Five, retreat...
- Hell!
- Retreat...
- Hell!
Here we go.
Come on.
Let's fry these sons of bitches.
We get to the F.O.B. After these bombs drop, get ammo.
And some goddamn reinforcements.
Some goddamn tanks.
- Ten.
- Gotta be strong, okay?
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
Five.
Four.
Three...
Shit. 
Everybody, brace!
- They should've dropped.
- What the hell?
Wouldn't we have felt that from here if they'd dropped? 
We would've felt them.
Would've felt it in Nevada with that ordnance.
That clock right?
That's what I got.
Maybe it's a good thing. 
Maybe we turned the tide. 
That's a good thing.
You damn straight, Imlay.
We was kicking some ass.
Could they have taken out the whole Air Force?
This isn't happening.
Let's move.
Everybody, up, up. 
Let's move.
Come on.
We're in the home stretch, everybody.
We in the home stretch.
Now we know why those bombs didn't drop.
They wiped our forward operating base right off the map.
All clear, staff sergeant!
All right, let's bring him back here.
Hang in there, buddy.
Million-and-one odds we'd get here in the first place we get here and there ain't nothing.
I knew Nantz would never get us out.
- There were thousands of Marines here.
- Now it's just seven of us, Imlay.
You remind me of my older brother.
How's that?
He never smiles either.
Secure the front with Harris.
Imlay, anything?
Nothing.
We only got maps of Santa Monica.
We need something farther east.
They're all burned.
Follow me, Imlay.
All right, here's the battalion commander's hooch.
Looking for maps, anything with an extraction point.
Staff sergeant.
I'll be right back.
Found a tactical map, staff sergeant.
Shows where all the units were deployed.
- What the hell are all these red marks?
- Means they're gone.
- You mean the units got moved?
- Wiped out.
- All of them?
- All of them.
Oh, shit.
All right. 
One alternate extraction site is still operational.
That's eight klicks.
Staff sergeant? 
Staff sergeant.
Adukwu, plenty of weapons around.
Find yourself an M-16.
Mr. Rincon is dead.
Wake up, Dad.
Please help me right now.
Don't leave me.
I'm so sorry, Hector.
I'm sorry.
No.
Your dad tried so hard to stay with you.
- I'm sorr...
- I don't wanna be here.
It's okay, bud.
Your father was a brave man, Hector.
Hector, I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry, buddy.
It's okay to cry.
He loved you very much.
Listen to me, Hector.
I need you to be brave for me.
I need you to be my little Marine.
Okay?
We gotta be brave for the others.
Do you know why?
Why?
Because Marines don't quit.
Do you believe that?
Say it for me.
- Marines don't quit.
- Good.
I'm gonna get you out of here, Hector.
I promise.
Let's go see the girls, okay? 
Come on.
We are not losing one more of those civilians. 
Understand?
You getting us out too, staff sergeant?
Or are we expendable?
All right, Lockett.
You wanna go there, let's go there.
I commanded men and men died.
Kids. 19 years old.
The best men I ever led.
Do you think for one second I wouldn't rather trade places with them?
I know you think I got my men killed.
They're dead.
I'm here.
Like the punch line to some bad joke.
You think I like that?
Do you think a minute goes by that those faces aren't right here seared into my brain?
Dante, Thomas T. Corporal.
1-5-6-5-0-9-3-8-6.
Ambruster, William R. Private.
8-7-6-6-6-2-3-5-4.
Wharton, Jeffrey H.
Lance Corporal. 8-7-4-2-7-3-9-9-3.
Lockett Duane G.
Corporal.
1-5-6-8-7-0-9...
Five-five.
Your brother was an outstanding Marine.
He was my friend.
And I miss him every day.
And you remind me of him.
None of that matters right now.
Because our duty is to keep moving forwards, to keep fighting.
That's how we honour your brother and Lieutenant Martinez Corporal Stavrou Lance Corporal Mottola Hector's father who picked up a rifle and did what needed to be done. 
A civilian.
So we better damn well step it up.
Discard any lingering doubt.
Work fast, work as a unit, and we will prevail.
Let's figure out how we're gonna get out of this.
Imlay, you come with me.
Get to higher ground.
The rest of you, find some ammo and some vehicles.
Gotta be a few LAV's or armoured Humvees still operational.
Sorry, bro. 
You didn't deserve this.
You went down fighting.
Holy shit.
I wasn't expecting to see all this.
That don't look good.
Reinforcements.
Holy shit.
They already set up a beachhead.
All right.
If that evac site is still operational, I think we can get behind the line.
That's gonna be one hell of a ride.
Yeah, well, that's what we get paid for.
Everybody move to the LAV now! 
Go!
Any station, this net.
This is Foxtrot-Two-November.
We have 11 passengers.
Requesting evacuation at alternate extraction point Charlie.
Are there any birds in the air? 
Over.
Foxtrot-Two-November, this is Sierra 2-5. 
Orders are to pull back.
Get to extraction point Charlie by 0300 or we'll be gone. 
Over.
Roger that. 0300, not a minute more.
Out.
Imlay, ever see what a Bushmaster chain gun can do?
- Oh, shit, yes, staff sergeant.
- Get on it, son.
Let's do this!
- No lights, Kerns.
- Roger that.
Let's move.
Bushmaster is locked and loaded.
Give them hell.
Damn right.
Two minutes till the helo drops.
Everybody okay?
All right, Kerns, take a left.
I want you to go over three blocks, then you go about five blocks hang a right, and straight.
- That should get us to the evac site.
- Yes, staff sergeant.
- I'd hold on if I were you, Lockett!
- Copy that!
- We got hostiles.
- What's going on?
- Let's not wait around and find out.
- It's gonna be okay.
Got about 250 rounds, staff sergeant.
Know what they say if you hit a deer?
- Speed up!
- Damn straight!
- Come on!
- Y'all hold on!
We're gonna have to go right through them!
- You saw that?
- They're going down like bowling pins!
Kick it out!
Run that sucker over, man!
Santos, you okay?
I got that nasty stuff all over my mouth, man!
- It's not funny.
- You let him do you on the first date.
- Everyone okay?
- Yes!
Let's get us home.
Cease fire!
- Stay close, stay close!
- What are we doing?
Load them up! 
Our flight path won't be clear much longer!
You're in the middle of the shit, sergeant!
What happened to all our air?
Pulled back to save our assets!
They were blowing us out!
We're abandoning Los Angeles!
Let's go, Imlay!
Son, you okay?
All right.
Let's move! 
Move, move!
Come on, Harris, let's go!
Hold on!
- You all right?
- Everybody all good?
- Girls?
- Everybody okay?
Hold on tight!
What happened?
Pilot said something was playing hell with our power!
Staff sergeant! 
Nine o'clock!
Santos, you said you were tracking massive RF signals?
Could a concentration of them knock out power?
Yes, definitely! 
Why?
Could be their command-and-control centre!
Get me down there!
What?
I gotta recon that area!
No way! 
It's a suicide!
Damn it, we're the only ones left!
All the other forces have fallen back!
We can't land! 
May not have power to take off again!
This is a letter for Martinez's wife.
Will you get it to her?
Yeah.
Hover at 40 feet!
- Twenty seconds!
- Roger that!
Come on, Adukwu, let's get this off.
Staff sergeant, what the hell are you doing?
We're in the clear!
We're almost home, Imlay!
You're in charge now!
You get these civilians home safe!
You're the bravest Marine I ever seen, Hector!
No!
Everybody, take cover.
I told you to stay in that helo.
Civilians are free and clear.
We were worried about your ass.
I think the command-and-control asset is nearby.
Kerns, how many klicks to that blackout?
It's about five klicks, staff sergeant.
Five klicks. 
All right.
We're gonna use this overpass for cover.
If we take out those drones our military might have a chance to get back into this fight.
Santos where would you put a command and control asset if you wanted to protect it?
- Underground.
- Let's go.
Everybody, let's move. 
Come on.
Move, move, move.
Move.
They must've gone back up.
Just leads up to the street.
I thought they were leading us to the command-and-control centre.
Damn it.
Let's go. 
Back.
Holy shit!
Santos!
They know we're here now.
That's their command-and-control.
Everybody out now!
Move, move, move! 
Follow me!
Up here! 
Up that ladder, go!
Move, move, move! 
Up that ladder!
Up here! 
Up that ladder, go!
Move, move, move! 
Up that ladder!
Let's go! 
Move it up!
Blow that grate, Imlay!
Move, move, move!
We're right over their command asset.
That's it, all right. 
Let's move the concrete slab, 1 o'clock. 
Let's move.
Fire in the hole!
That should give us a couple minutes.
Laser target, staff sergeant?
We don't have any more jets, though.
They can fire ground-to-ground missiles from Edwards Air Force Base.
We radio in a strike, paint the target with the laser.
- Aye-aye, staff sergeant.
- Hoorah.
Our best chance at radio reception is on top of that building but it's the most exposed.
I'll do it, staff sergeant.
I'll make the call.
Santos, you got those codes?
Air Force strike package coming up.
You get to high ground. 
Once you radio in, they'll track that signal.
Things are gonna get real hot.
So once you make that call, you get the hell out of there, all right?
You know what that means?
We're gonna have to hold those things off till the strike gets here.
Bingo. 
Marines we make our stand here. 
Let those bastards know who they're fucking with.
- Retreat...
- Hell!
Two-Five.
- Right of the heart, right?
- Right of the heart.
They're gonna be coming up from there. 
Take two.
Plant one there and the other one on the other side.
- Keep your head down, get it done.
- Doc, watch your back!
Watch your head! 
Watch it!
Any station, this is Foxtrot-Two-November, do you copy?
Any station, this is Foxtrot-Two-November, do you copy?
Foxtrot-Two-November, this is Yank ee-Tango, over.
We have a priority fire mission. 
We've located an enemy command centre under grid 885-342.
We will be lasing. 
Code 1-2-0.
I say again, we will be lasing.
Code 1-2-0.
Copy that.
Time to target, three minutes.
Staff sergeant!
We got three minutes!
It's coming in three minutes!
All right. 
Let's paint this target.
Hell of a shot, Kerns!
Get your ass out of there!
Get out of there, Kerns! 
Shit.
- Shit!
- Kerns!
Shit! 
Shit!
Doc, Doc! 
Get to cover now!
Another fuckup.
Oh, come on.
♪ All the other kids with the pumped up kicks ♪
- ♪ You better run, better run Outrun my guns ♪
♪ All the other kids with the pumped up kicks ♪
I'm coming!
No one is going in or out.
Eyewitnesses say the vice president and his supporters... 
were almost inside the building- My God.
Oh, my God. 
Yeah? 
What?
What are you doing here?
You're Dana, right?
- Yeah.
- I'm Carrie Mathison.
I know who you are.
It's about your dad.
- Was he hit?
- No.
I saw on the TV that something- I know. 
I was there.
I saw it happen.
He wasn't shot.
But, Dana, I need your help.
Can I come inside?
You heard about Tom Walker?
Yeah.
- How he was turned against us?
- Yeah.
- Did he shoot those people?
- Yes.
Dana, listen to me.
Your dad told me that you are the one who understands him, who he listens to.
And this is very hard to say, but your dad is working with Tom Walker.
They're working together.
They are carrying out an attack right now.
What are you talking about?
He is with the vice president and other innocent people.
He is going to kill them if we don't stop them.
Okay. 
You have to call him and just talk him down.
All right?
This will get you to the Secret Service.
That'll connect you.
We don't have much time.
You can do this, Dana.
Okay.
Hi. 
Um, I'm at 331 9 Chapman, and it's- it's an emergency.
There's
- There's an insane woman-
No! 
No! 
Dana!
- Get out!
- Dana, please.
Get back inside!
Get out of my house!
Dana, please, get back inside.
- Get out! 
Please!
- Get back inside!
Get out of my house!
Dana!
You must have noticed.
Leave me alone!
Something strange, him acting off.
No, you're off!
Just call him and make sure.
Something is wrong with you!
God! 
Why are you even here?
I told you!
So we can stop him.
- Who's that with Dana?
- Just stay in the car.
- Leave me alone. 
Mom. 
Mom.
- What's going on?
She came here and she says that dad is working with Tom Walker!
Get in the house.
Call the police right now.
I already did.
Dana, please.
Please call him.
Get away from her!
Jessica, listen.
What are you doing, telling some crazy story to my daughter?
No, it's not crazy.
Tom Walker-
He has intentions to kill the vice president and his staff.
You have to believe me.
Believe you?
It's not too late to stop him. 
I told Dana she needs to call him.
You fucked my husband.
And now you need to call him.
He tells you to get lost, and-and now you're making up all this crazy shit.
You're not listening to me.
Of course I'm not listening to you.
Please, just call him.
You really don't want this happening.
Are we okay here?
No, we're not okay.
Okay, please.
You don't understand what's going on, any of you!
- Ma'am- 
- The world is about to end, and we're standing around talking!
Ma'am, come with us.
No! 
Get- Get off of me!
Come with us!
Get off of me!
Do not move!
Stay down!
Stay
- Stay there.
Ow! 
Shit.
You okay in there?
Yeah, fine.
We found the shooter's weapon abandoned in an apartment a block away.
It shouldn't be too much longer, we'll have you all out of there.
Great.
You sure you're okay?
I'm feeling a little sick actually.
You need a doctor or anything?
No. 
No.
That won't be necessary.
All right.
Sergeant Brody.
I got a call for you from your daughter.
She says it's an emergency.
Go on.
- Dana?
- Dad. 
Where are you?
Dana, I gotta call you back.
No, Dad, no.
There was-
There was this crazy woman at our house, the one that- that, you know, you were with, and she was saying all these things about you, and I just- I had to hear your voice.
Dad?
Dad?
Yeah.
Yeah, but, Dana, I-
Dad, she said that you were working with Tom Walker, that-that you're a terrorist.
- I'm not.
- I know, Dad. 
I know.
Of course you're not.
I-I wouldn't have believed her, because you would never do anything like that, ever.
Ever. 
I didn't believe her at all.
Dana, I'm here with a group of people.
Look, I've gotta go.
No, Dad, don't.
We're just, uh- We're in a holding area, and, um, you know, they're about to let us out.
So you're coming home?
Sure.
Tell me that.
Yeah, I'm coming home.
No, Dad, don't say it like that.
Dad, promise me.
You have to promise me that you're coming home, Dad.
Dad?
Dad, you have to promise me.
I need you.
You know that.
I'm coming home, Dana.
I promise.
Okay.
Thank you.
Copy that.
All right.
We're clear.
We're clear.
Nick.
You look like shit.
Come on.
What a fuckin' day.
Our thoughts and prayers go out to her family, as does this pledge:
Her murder will not go unpunished.
For this reason,
I stand before you today to officially announce... 
my intention to run for president of the United States... 
and to rededicate myself and this nation-
Yes, of course.
Yes. 
Anytime.
to the fulfillment of the promise-
That was the police.
They want to know if we want to press charges.
. ..fear, ladies and gentlemen.
Brody, are you listening to me?
- What did you tell them?
- That I would talk to you.
I'll take care of it.
This woman is sick.
There's something seriously wrong with this woman.
So whatever you decide,
I don't want to ever hear her name in this house again.
- I said I'll take care of it!
- Good.
I'm gonna go see if Dana's doing better.
Saul.
Mr. Vice President.
Give us, uh, five minutes?
Let's make it 1 0, be on the safe side.
Ten.
How's Mira?
Oh, great. 
Thanks.
No doubt you and David Estes have already huddled about this mess.
What are you playing at, Saul?
I call it "fuck the terrorists."
Try to remember where you are, huh?
I know exactly where I am, sir.
Are we on the same side?
Because... yourtone suggests otherwise.
I'm trying to find out what happened yesterday, why.
I'm trying to stop it from happening again.
And you think this redacted file will help you to do that?
I can't know anything until I see what's under all those black lines.
Trust me, Saul.
This is nothing but a turd.
Let it lie.
You were my boss for three and a half years.
Did I ever once let anything lie?
I'm saying this would be a good time to start.
I don't agree.
'Cause the other thing you might remember about me-
I'm a sentimentalist.
I like to hold on to things... 
for old time's sake.
Whoever told the American people these interrogation tapes had been destroyed was mistaken.
Coercion, cruelty, outright torture.
Makes for very unhappy viewing.
You gave the orders, William.
You gave the orders.
You're blackmailing me.
And you'll stay with us.
The girls have fixed up a room for you.
Little heavy on the flowers, but they're very excited.
Thank you, Maggie.
I told them that you'd need to rest, but not, you know, why, exactly.
Carrie?
Did you know he was here?
No.
Carrie, what are you doing?
There are criminal charges pending.
You shouldn't talk to him.
I have to.
Brody, I-
You broke into my house.
You terrified my daughter.
She's 1 6 years old, by the way.
Sixteen.
I'm sorry.
They asked me what I wanted to do about it- the police did.
What did you tell them?
Nothing yet.
It'll depend on you.
For the last time, Carrie,
I am not what you think I am.
I'm sorry.
You keep saying that.
It's not enough.
I know about your condition.
David Estes told me.
Carrie, you need to get some help.
I am.
And you need to stay away from me... 
and from my family.
You set up surveillance.
You watched me.
You pushed your way into my life, and for- for what?
Okay.
Fun?
It's crazy what you did.
You understand that?
I said okay.
What does that mean?
I-I understand.
I'll stay away from you.
You have my word.
Good-bye, Brody.
Good-bye, Carrie.
Home now?
The hospital.
Oh, fuck.
Is Abu Nazir in the target area or not?
We believe so.
You sure you want to see this?
What you've been hiding from me?
Yeah, I do.
We have 80% certainty on Nazir.
A ground assault is preferable, in terms of collateral damage.
But impossible in the time frame.
That's a school, sir.
Don't cloud the issue.
If Abu Nazir is taking refuge among children, he's putting them at risk, not us.
So, we're agreed?
Good to go.
It's our joint opinion the potential collateral damage... 
falls within current matrix parameters.
Good God.
Somebody actually came up with that language.
That was two years ago.
You reported to me at that time, yet you said nothing.
Because you would have stopped it.
Yeah.
None of this would have happened.
No dead children, no cover-up, no Carrie Mathison drummed out of the Agency.
Leave her out of this.
You don't think when she got a lead on Nazir- first one in over seven years-
it wasn't worth mentioning this drone strike?
Even in private to me?
Or does your career- on the coattails of the vice president- trump national security?
Really, I'm fascinated to know.
The world changed, Saul, right under your nose.
Answer the damn question.
I am. 
We're about projecting American power now, degrading Al-Qaeda militarily.
You want to play softball spy games, go join the Germans or the French.
I am this fucking close... 
to picking up the phone... 
and calling the New York Times.
No, you're not.
You know why?
Because telling the world we killed 82 kids on purpose... 
would endanger every one of your case officers in the field, not to mention every American soldier on the ground.
You would essentially be handing the enemy... 
the biggest recruitment tool since Abu Ghraib.
Gotta say, I'm impressed you had the balls to show up.
I'm impressed you're alive.
Care to explain?
We both got to the same place, Nick.
I just got there a lot quicker.
Now, you want to tell me what happened yesterday?
I don't answer to you, Tom, and I didn't come here to make excuses.
What the fuck happened?
I came here 'cause you got a direct line to Nazir.
Fuck Nazir.
My vest malfunctioned.
Okay?
Bullshit!
You fuckin' panicked.
Tom, maybe what happened yesterday was a good thing.
What if I had detonated that vest?
What would be different?
Ask yourself that.
Today, they'd have just replaced Walden with somebody else.
So the fuck what?
So?
It means I'm close... 
to the next president of the United States, Tom.
That puts me in a unique position.
Nazir?
You listening to this garbage, Nazir?
I am listening.
What do you want me to do?
Put Nicholas on the phone.
Nazir?
Is it true what you say?
Yes. 
I hit the switch, but nothing happened.
I meant about the vice president.
Yes, it's true.
At the very least,
I'd be able to influence policy at the highest levels.
Why kill a man when you can kill an idea?
That's what I'm thinking.
Nazir, are you still there?
I want to believe what you are saying.
But to help me believe,
I need a demonstration of your commitment.
Name it.
You did it once- or at least you thought you did.
There is a wild card in this new play.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Nicholas?
Yeah, I understand.
Then say good-bye, and tell Walker I need to speak with him privately.
He wants to talk to you.
It's done.
There were a million calls while you were out.
Press mostly, but the vice president's office too.
You okay?
Yeah, better.
And, Jess, I'm sorry that I was short with you before.
It's okay.
I'm surprised you're keeping it together at all.
Thank you.
For what?
Everything.
Excuse me, sir.
Excuse me, sir!
Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry, sir.
This is a locked ward.
I've got a pass.
It's here somewhere.
Looking for Pre-op.
It's across the hall, on the right.
Where'd you say?
On the right, second door.
Thank you.
Just a little sting.
How you feeling, honey?
Fine.
Take that thing out of her arm.
Saul.
Sir.
Out of my way.
It's fuckin' barbaric.
I won't allow it.
Gerald!
Saul, please.
I'm getting you out of here right now.
Right now!
Saul, stop.
Just listen to me.
This was-
I want to do this thing.
What?
It was my decision.
I told them to go ahead.
Your decision- to have shock treatment?
It's not Cuckoo's Nest, Saul.
They use ultra brief pulses now, and it's called electroconvulsive therapy.
I don't care what it's called.
They still attach electrodes to your skull, don't they?
Still jolt you into a seizure?
I need to do something.
I can't take this anymore.
Yes, you can.
You're the strongest person I know.
This will pass.
No, it won't pass.
It's only getting worse.
Carrie, please, there's alternatives to this.
You don't have to let 'em fuck with your brain.
My brain's already fucked.
Yeah? 
It's a brain I happen to love.
Is everything okay, Ms. Mathison?
Everything's fine.
You sure?
Thanks. 
Yeah, really.
What about the side effects?
Memory loss.
Well, it's only short-term.
It's usually temporary.
A lot of what's happened lately, I'd kind of like to forget anyway.
That's not even remotely funny.
Saul, I've made up my mind.
I'm grateful for the concern, but I just-
I can't live like this anymore.
It needs to stop.
Yeah.
Well-
You shouldn't feel all bad.
I mean, it hasn't been an unmitigated disaster.
You were wrong about Brody, but you were right about Nazir.
Tell me. 
The-The yellow?
His period of dormancy?
Yeah.
He was in mourning.
His son died in a drone strike, northern Iraq.
Which son?
Youngest.
Ten years old.
Along with 82 of his madrassa classmates.
Apparently, the vice president gave the order.
Ηow on earth did I miss that?
You didn't.
The record's been wiped clean, expunged, like it never happened.
Wow.
Thanks for telling me.
You deserved to know.
Saul, do you think there's any chance that I could appeal my termination?
No.
Dad.
What you doing up here?
Came out to fix the leak in the skylight.
With a beer?
That came later.
I never knew we had views.
The Schwartz backyard.
Nice.
Well-
Do you mind if I join you?
No, of course not.
You ready?
This is the anesthetic I was telling you about.
I want you to start counting backwards from 1 00.
1 00, 99, 98,
97, 96-
Ninety-five.
Issa.
Hey.
You're with me.
Issa, no!
Issa.
Issa. 
Issa.
- Nazir's son.
- Brody knew him.
Don't let me forget.
What did she say?
Nothing.
It's the anesthetic.
Everyone does it.
She's asleep.
Okay, we're ready.
Paddles on.
English 
- US 
- Placed SDH

It's Silverstone Saturday!
And all the best drivers are here.
Jamie Brooks in the Ferrari.
Peter Fossett in his Lotus.
And there's Stirling Moss.
They get away cleanly and Brooks sets the early pace.
But soon it's No.47 Duncan Palmer with Peter Fossett challenging strongly.
Final lap. 
Fossett makes a final effort going into Luffield.
But Palmer goes on to win in the Cooper!
Bad luck, Peter Fossett.
Bravo, Duncan Palmer!
It's fantastic!
What is it?
I don't know.
Eugh! 
That's horrible!
Midsomer Murders 
- Season 14, Episode 1 "Death in the Slow lane"
That's Haskins, the electrician.
Son's a bit of a tearaway.
Over charges on call-outs.
Oh, and that's a nice cafe.
Hello, Mr Douglas.
Good day to you, Mr Jones.
Benefit fraud.
Hello, Ben!
Oh, hello, Peggy.
I hear you're running the show now.
Well, actually - I did like that Mr Barnaby.
But, well... 
He wasn't really one of us, was he?
20 years. 
We barely got acquainted.
This is the new DCI Barnaby.
Cousin of the other DCI Barnaby.
Oh.
Well...
I must be off.
Oh, look at that. 
A 1929 Bentley.
4½ litre.
Identical to the one raced by Tim Birkin at Le Mans.
Hi, Jonesy. 
Won't be a sec.
Jamie Cameron.
Local businessman, councillor.
A bit useless but OK.
Beautiful lines.
Darnley Park is a girls' boarding school.
Run by a terrifying woman called Harriet Wingate.
Private school?
Oh, yeah.
No peasants here.
What's going on?
Concord D'Elegance.
It's a fancy car show.
Classic cars from all over the country.
Look at that. 
A 1600 MGA, 1960.
Are you interested in cars, sir?
Only if it's got a flashing light and gets me home quickly.
I got hooked four years ago.
They found one in the barn here.
A Cooper T45. 
In a terrible mess.
I was running the case.
Then I got involved in the restoration of the car.
I suddenly discovered this whole world of anoraks to join.
The case?
Oh, suicide.
Remains of this racing driver, Duncan Palmer. 
Been there since the '60s.
The DI was on holiday so I was running things.
Tom took a holiday?
Joyce threatened him.
Jones, dear boy!
Mrs Wingate.
And who's this?
DCI Barnaby.
Why didn't they give the job to this chap?
How can we help you, Mrs Wingate?
As you can see, we've got a car charity thing this weekend.
And our school being a charity.
Got Peter Fossett to come and judge!
Know him, do you?
No.
He's a famous racing driver.
And you would like us to keep an eye on things?
Yes. 
With a particular eye on the yobs from the Moorpark estate.
I know a girls' school is an irresistible magnet to young men.
Eh, Jones?
Ha ha!
Anyway, the other day, one of the fellows from the estate was found in the chapel cloisters.
A Thomas Brightwell, by all accounts.
Wouldn't say what he was doing there.
But I suspect he was trying to sell illegal substances.
What makes you think that?
That's the sort of thing those types do, isn't it?
I know his family.
We'll look into it.
Good boy. 
Oh, chocks away!
Governors' meeting.
Nice to meet you, Tom.
See what I mean?
Yes.
The suicide, Jones. 
Duncan Palmer.
Why here?
Nobody knows.
How did he do it?
Shot to the head.
The revolver was lying next to the car.
And the body wasn't found till 40 years later.
Yeah.
Hm.
Isn't she beautiful?
Perfect.
Just like you, dear girl.
All you have to do is look at the figures in front of you.
We are haemorrhaging cash and losing clients.
Er... 
Pupils.
Students. 
They're not clients.
This is a place of learning, not a dentist's.
Whatever. 
They just aren't coming to Darnley any more.
Then we have to modernise. 
Upgrade.
Harriet, Harriet. 
The banks, they don't want to know.
So what do we do?
It's on the table.
It has been for a year.
No!
The Education Department will take over our debts.
And turn it into a state school.
It would still be Darnley Park.
No! 
It would not!
Jessica, what do you think?
I'm afraid I have to agree with Jamie.
It's the figures, Mother.
Look at the girls that have come out of Darnley.
Cabinet ministers, MPs.
Academics, scientists.
This weekend, Kate Cameron, European businesswoman of the year is coming down.
What? 
You've invited my ex-wife?
Of ten years, Jamie.
Surely you're not still squabbling!
Oh, god.
The point I am making is... ..that we have never given in.
So are you really going to spend the rest of your lives hiding your heads in shame because you saw fit to vote it out of existence?
Well, are you?
Right. 
Let's have a vote.
Those who want to fight on, raise your hands.
Jolly good.
The place isn't too bad.
Only a handful of idiots.
Hello, Freddy. 
How's it going?
If you ain't got the footage, mate, it weren't me!
Card shopper. 
Does drama classes with Jessica Wingate.
Really?
Council funds a lot of arts programmes in poorer areas.
Is that good?
Oh, yeah.
There's some really fine actors and artists in Causton nick.
Liberal thinker, are you, Jones?
Definitely, sir.
Counsellors and cuddles all round, I say.
And Thomas Brightwell?
He's in with Jessica's lot too.
Comes from a duff family though.
You're the local. 
You take it.
Thomas, it's not a hard question.
What were you doing up at Darnley Park?
I was lost, weren't I?
Don't wind me up. 
A waste of time.
Peddling dope, were you, Thomas?
Are you kidding?
Selling drugs to school kids?
Do I look totally stupid?
Just passing through.
I didn't do nothing.
And that's it? 
All you have to say?
Yeah.
Are you done?
Stay away from that school or you're in big trouble.
What was the play?
What?
Guys And Dolls. 
I was Sky Masterson.
Directed by Jessica Wingate.
Yeah.
Maybe you were going to see her.
No. 
I wasn't going to see anyone.
Bye, Thomas.
3:24.
Sir?
Should we ever have to find out who he called the moment we left.
Oh, yeah, right.
Welcome to Darnley!
Harriet Wingate, my father Peter Fossett.
Mr Fossett!
Peter, please.
My pleasure.
Katie was telling me what an attractive woman you are. 
By golly, she was right!
Oh, yes, yes, yes. 
I know all about you racing car chappies.
Come along.
Let me show you round.
Excellent. 
I can't wait to see Duncan's old Cooper.
Kate! 
What are you doing here?
!
This is my weekend!
I'm not here for her!
I'm here to beat you to best in show.
Oh, you're such a number!
Aren't I, darling?
!
Just you stay out of my way!
Don't touch my car!
Nor you mine!
Hi, Mummy.
Very nice presents from Europe.
How did you do with the last lot?
That's it?
Market prices.
Got the key, then?
I think I should deal directly with your friend.
Why?
I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing. 
As your mother.
Are you sure you don't want a hand?
No, no. 
There's just a couple more bits to unpack and I'll be set.
I'm going to go back to school, help with the cars.
See you later, then.
OK.
Hello. 
You haven't unpacked much.
The thing is, I totally see Jones's point of view.
Ambitious lad, talented.
Now blocked by some old bloke dumped in his parish.
I'd be hacked off too.
So how do I handle it?
Slap him down?
Try and get him on-side?
Play it by ear?
Yeah, you're probably right.
The Robinsons have moved!
Yes?
Mr Barnaby?
I'm June Carter, three doors down.
I brought you a 'welcome to Causton' cake.
It's lemon drizzle.
Thank you. 
Most kind.
I could murder a cup of tea.
Or shouldn't one say that to a policeman?
!
Oh... 
Oh, no.
Sorry, it's um...my medication time.
Oh.
Sorry.
Thank you so much.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
Did you know Duncan Palmer well?
Yes. 
I knew Duncan.
He was my best friend.
Must have been a terrible blow to hear of his death.
It was bad enough when they found his car in Coniston Water.
But when they discovered him here...
All those years later.
I was confused.
Whole thing made no sense.
Mr Fossett.
Local copper. 
Jones.
It's a great privilege.
Mr Jones.
I also helped with the restoration.
Do tell!
The chassis was solid enough.
But when we hoisted the engine out, we found it was completely seized.
So we had to start from the bottom up.
Replacing parts from contemporary salvage job.
Who owns it now?
A tricky one.
When Mr Palmer died, he didn't leave a will.
So we're just sort of looking after it.
A pristine Cooper is worth about ã100,000.
Yes, thank you, Jones.
I must drag you away.
The other judge is here.
Hm?
Oh, er... 
Yes. 
Who is it?
I know most of them.
Yo! 
Yo! 
Wassup, my bitches?
I don't know that one.
The Doggy Dog man giving you some broom-broom cha!
Yo, Jessie! 
My main ho!
How you shaking, baby?
I'd like you to meet your co-judge.
Mother, Mr Fossett, this is Dave Dogboy Day.
You can call me Doggy.
How you been? 
You're going to have to give me the knowledge on this car stuff, man! 
I'm well keen, innit.
Oh! 
You got to give me the dope on this baby.
What are you playing at?
You suggested we get a local celebrity.
I meant a novelist or a weather forecaster or someone.
Where in god's name did you find this creature?
!
He's doing voluntary work at Moorpark with me.
He's also a well known DJ.
Jessica, I don't pretend to understand your perverse needs.
But I do not want our girls contaminated by the dross that crawls out of that estate!
Understand?
What's that?
Oh, isn't she a shocker?
!
I bet they didn't mean us to film them doing that!
A video diary is meant to be a true account of events as they are presented to you.
Oi! 
Charlie's Angels! 
In here now!
Does everyone dress like you in your village?
We dress all right.
Of course you do.
You're gorgeous.
We're very privileged to have you here.
I've got a new mission for Charlie's Angels.
You're to take this to my little povvo friend on the estate.
Ain't he got a screwdriver?
!
It's not a screwdriver.
It's a sword drawn from stone.
Excalibur-like!
Right.
And he's the young King Arthur. 
He must perform great deeds to win the fair Guinevere.
Fantastic!
Do you accept your mission?
Oh, yes, Charlie.
We'll be brilliant.
Bye-bye, then.
Come on, girls! 
In we go!
The thing about classic cars is they're as much a work of art as pictures in a gallery.
Yeah, I got your vibe, man.
It's like my mojo.
So preservation and provenance are equally important.
Yeah, whatever.
You give it to me, man.
About the knowledge.
Know what I'm saying?
Ice?
If I was handling questioning, I'd have followed up stronger on the Jessica Wingate line.
But he says we're not here to police the morals of the middle classes.
'Let them eat their skis, he says.
He's weird.
No wonder.
Look, our new DCI has a degree in psychology.
Well, pardon me for being such a thick prat.
His team also had the most successful serious crime clear-up rate in the southern counties.
For ten years in a row.
Yeah, well, he was in Brighton, wasn't he?
Fish in a barrel!
Why would a man stage his own death in the Lake District and actually do the deed down here?
Hm?
Mr Barnaby, hello.
Welcome to the neighbourhood.
Dandelion wine?
Thank you.
So you have to make sure their engines fire at first crack.
Right.
So you advance the ignition, or spark, as we call it.
You pump the accelerator to prime the engine.
You make sure that the handbrake is on and the car isn't in gear.
Then you cup the crank in your hand.
Don't grip it with your thumb.
Because when the beast starts, it could kick with a force that could break your bones.
One firm crank.
Hey, presto. 
We have lift-off.
That is cool, man!
Respect!
Yes, and respect to you too!
Thanks. 
Cheers.
I thought if I was going to get to know the place, I ought to start in the pub.
Nice to meet you.
So, a bit of a stitch-up, was it?
What?
You getting the job here.
Being a member of the Barnaby dynasty, like.
No, no.
I got the job through the normal channels.
And by sleeping with the commissioner.
That's a joke, ain't it?
Absolutely not.
That's a good 'un!
That's a good 'un!
You want a hand?
Who are you?
Dave Day. 
Dogboy Doggy.
The other judge with your old man.
Dear god.
Do you know anything about cars?
Not much.
Just doing my bit for the school charity.
How much do you want?
I'm sorry?
To give me best in show.
How much?
I can't take bungs.
It's for charity.
It won't start anyway.
You should get the spark just right.
Then you sort of tickle her into life.
Know what I mean?
Look, I have to attend a game of lacrosse.
Why don't you just get her started?
Me?
But guard her with your life.
These people are very competitive.
How long are you going to be?
Yo, Chas!
Yo, Chas! 
Is that you?
Oh, my days, it is you! 
What are you doing dressed up like a St Trinian girl?
Where's the party at?
Oh, my days.
You're still in school, innit?
You're a bad girl.
It's all right, it's all right.
Your secret's safe with me.
I won't say a word to no-one about nothing.
She said she was 25, Your Honour.
Well played, Charlie!
God, this takes me back.
I bet it does.
Darnley did so much for me.
Well... 
Maybe you could do something for Darnley.
I'd love to. 
But with my company on the verge of collapse, I can't spare a penny.
I was actually wondering if you'd like to be on the board of governors.
Me? 
Why me?
I need some support.
Strong girls together.
What about Jamie? 
Isn't he chairman?
Well, for the moment.
Wa-hey!
I'm your girl.
You always were.
What?
This is your sword.
Charlie says you've got to go and slay a dragon for her!
Or you won't be getting any.
She never said that!
That's what she meant though.
Of course I can't do it.
I haven't got the key.
She's my mother.
I do not steal off my mother.
Well, only big stuff.
Just do it, Thomas, or no sweeties.
Did you get it going?
No. 
I think it's um...
Plugs.
The gaps have to be 0.019.
Right.
I have to go out for dinner.
I'll be back about elevenish.
If you've got her going, who knows what will be in store for you.
Phones are quiet.
After five, sir. 
Villains are having their tea now. 
Get back to work later.
Right.
Evening!
What are you doing?
Trying to start your wife's car.
Ex-wife.
Whatever.
In the middle of the night?
She promised to give you one, has she?
What?
No. 
Honest.
I'm surprised. 
That's her usual way of getting what she wants.
No, really.
Just remember she likes to kill and eat her mates when she's finished with them.
I'll bear that in mind.
Right. 
Pump accelerator.
Advance ignition.
Check not in gear.
Cradle in palm of hand.
Say a little prayer.
You beauty!
I adore you!
I am going to shag your mistress!
Yo! 
Hello!
I'm just observing.
Looks like an accident.
Started the car in gear and got shafted by the crank handle.
Right.
Let's check for fingerprints, then.
Why?
Because that's what I want.
All going well, is it?
Fine.
Good.
Fingerprints, for some reason.
As I said, Peter, tragic accident.
It was me that showed him how to use that damn crank.
If I hadn't - You cannot blame yourself.
Can I get to my car, please?
Not yet, Mrs Cameron, no.
But I have to check it.
I'm sorry.
Where's the crank handle?
It's...
You can have it back later.
Don't touch anything you don't need to!
So stupid.
I beg your pardon?
You left a novice in charge of a five-litre tank!
He knew what he was doing!
He was a judge.
He was a local DJ!
I didn't know that.
Of course you didn't.
Stop it! 
Please!
A man has died here!
Sorry, Jessie.
You're right, of course.
It's not my fault.
Will you stop that, please!
Yes, please, girls. 
Come on.
Who's going to...do the judging now?
You're still going ahead with the event?
!
I'm sure that's what Mr Day would have wanted.
Come along, Peter.
It's the boarding school thing.
Leaves them unacquainted with normal human emotions.
Oh.
Psychology studies, is that, sir?
Common sense, Jones.
Look forward to reading your report.
Hello, girls.
Hello.
You take a lot of photos.
Oh, videos.
We have to make a video diary.
So you see everything that goes on, eh?
Oh, yeah!
Not that anything really happens round here.
Well, keep it up.
Oh, Jamie.
Hi, Jess.
Are you OK?
Yes.
Just a bit - I know.
It's awful.
He was doing really well in London.
But he always came back to help out.
And - And he was one of you.
Halfway decent people.
May I?
Oh, yes.
Ooh, you naughty girl.
Yes.
Oh, wait.
What?
I meant to tell you.
My mother was talking to Kate.
She wants Kate to help her save the school and oust you from the board.
What? 
Jess...
I was going to tell you.
But once you started... 
I'm sorry.
It's fine. 
It's OK. 
Women like them always find each other.
It's not your fault.
Did you get it?
I certainly did.
Good boy!
So are you going to keep your end of the bargain?
That's enough for now.
Oh, come on!
Uh-uh-uh! 
Peasants don't get their princesses until they've finished their daring deeds.
See you Friday night. 
Pick me up at the usual place around ten.
So you want to sign off on this, do you?
Accident?
The final's down to the coroner.
But they usually go along with what we tell them.
Why the fingerprinting?
Just being thorough, sir.
We found plenty of Doggy's. 
His fingers were oily from fiddling with the engine.
What about the prints on the gear lever?
There weren't any.
Sir?
Oh!
How did he put the car in gear without leaving any prints?
And, small point, you can't crank-start a car if it's in gear.
Yes, I know that.
I guess he must have got the car started.
Then put it in gear.
Set the throttle on slow. 
Wiped the prints off the gear lever.
Then ran back round to the front of the vehicle, dropped to his knees and let the crank handle run through his chest.
So it was either a really complex suicide or...
Someone else put the car in gear.
Now there's a thought.
It wasn't me!
The whole lot's gone!
Nobody else knew.
It was that dead Doggy bloke.
He was too stupid!
Do something.
Mrs Cameron! 
What are you doing?
That could have been involved in a crime!
You said it was cleared.
Would you stop that?
!
The presentation is this afternoon!
Let go!
What is going on here?
Jones?
The cause of Mr Day's death has not been fully verified as yet.
Has he cocked it up?
Mrs Wingate, this is now a criminal investigation.
In due course, we would like to talk to you. 
Meanwhile, thank you.
Whole family are Bolshies!
Jones, would you like to have a chat with Mr Fossett?
Yes, sir.
I have to do the judging.
That's OK.
We can talk as you go round.
Charlotte, I need to talk to your mother.
See you, Mummy.
Charming girl.
She's got balls.
Unlike her father.
What caused the break-up of your marriage?
What's that got to do with anything?
I like to look at the big picture.
When we first met, we were both mad about cars.
And Jamie was thrilled that the great Peter Fossett was my father.
It looked perfect.
But Jamie was never a real player.
He was too dumb.
He told me about deals he was involved with and then got miffed when I got in ahead of him.
How very careless of him.
Oh, yes, I know.
I'm a bitch.
And he was rubbish in bed.
Really?
Couldn't get it up.
Said I emasculated him.
So I had to...play away.
Well, thank you.
You wanted the big picture.
Not that big.
Oh, I do love the middle classes!
So quaintly moralistic.
What is your business?
I'm the only woman in the country running a major trucking company.
Contrary to my kind, I believe in hard work.
Doing all right, is it, this company?
Today? 
You're kidding.
Fuel prices, EU regulations, East European cowboys.
I'm hanging on by my teeth.
And this is an expensive hobby.
Life's expensive, Mr Barnaby.
We all have to pay for it somehow, don't we?
So you didn't know Mr Day before, then?
Did you know hat there were only six original Bugatti Royales ever made?
I have read that, sir.
However, by collecting spare parts from all over the world, they were able to build up a whole new one.
Of course, we weren't allowed to accept it as a genuine Royale.
Do you think that's some kind of metaphor for modern life?
Mr Day, sir?
He told me he came from this estate place originally.
Then when he'd made a few bob, he went back to help them out.
He was a thoroughly decent fellow.
That mudguard has more filler than a pork pie.
Honestly, they must think I'm senile.
Do you have any idea why Duncan Palmer ended his life here?
No, I don't.
But I do think it's an amazing coincidence that Duncan and his car should end up in a barn in my daughter's old school.
In fact, it would have been there when your daughter Kate was at the school.
Yes, you're right.
I never thought of that.
That's rather spooky.
I'm sorry, sir. 
I - No, no, no.
Just me being silly.
An English Country Garden
Kate is a ball-busting bitch!
All she ever does is stab people in the back.
And her bad points?
Ruthless corporate raider.
Look at the way she's mopping up her opposition in the recession.
Where is she getting the money for that?
Probably sleeping with a venture capitalist!
How does she get on with her father?
Ha ha! 
Those two, thick as thieves with their little secrets.
She was always saying I was nothing compared to Daddy.
That's how she judges everyone.
By their tangible successes.
Never mind their character or common decency.
And do you know a lot about common decency?
I'm learning.
Taking lessons, actually.
Gentlemen, here's a thing of great beauty. 
A real showstopper.
And the car ain't half bad either!
So let's give her the onceover.
Daddy going to give you first prize, is he?
If I ask him to.
Obvious bias.
I'll object. 
Make a fuss.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Gentlemen, here's a bit of a turn-up.
Kate Cameron has shown her true and decent colours by insisting that she rule herself out from winning best of show.
Because the main judge, me, also happens to be her father.
I think such a noble sacrifice deserves a round of applause.
What are you up to?
Mr Barnaby.
I don't believe it!
What's your problem?
I didn't want to see you here.
I'm not doing anything wrong.
I'm a member of the public looking at old cars.
I love old cars.
See that MGA? 
It's up for sale.
I might just get in there.
I'm watching you.
All afternoon. 
Wherever you are.
Girls.
This one was owned by the Sultan of Brunei!
Richest man in the world, he is.
So what do you do with your video diary?
Upload most of it onto the English Studies computer for assessment.
Not all of them!
Nerys!
So some bits are not suitable for general viewing, eh?
No, it's just...
She's a bit simple in the head.
I am not!
You're such an idiot! 
Come on!
Why do you have to open your mouth all the time?
!
It was a close one today.
We had a splendid array of fine classics.
Judging best of show was a very hard task indeed.
But we finally decided on one that was not only excellent in every way, but seemed to have captured the heart of the local community here.
A car that I knew when I was a young man.
A car that belonged to the best pal... ..a chap could ever have.
And even though it came here in a circuitous and seemingly tragic route, we have no hesitation in awarding best of show...
..to the Cooper T45!
I'd like to present the cup to the Causton restoration group.
You should join them.
Congratulations. 
Well done.
This Duncan Palmer thing.
I hate coincidences.
So did your predecessor.
Hm, right. 
He taught me, 'John, if it smells -
It's probably off. 
Yeah.
The estate, the school, what's the relationship?
Wary. 
Harriet hates the estate kids.
Jessica wants to encompass them.
Share the privileges.
She's not just trying to stick it to her mother?
There could be a bit of that.
And there have been rumours of more personal liaisons across the social divide.
Jessica?
Yeah.
Aye-aye.
Look at that! 
Little toerag!
Where is he getting the money?
Better ask him.
I will.
Are you coming?
I'm going to go through this again.
There's nothing in there.
I expect you're right.
See you later. 
Mother?
You stupid, stupid girl!
I don't think you should talk to me like that.
Watch this.
Wilson was ploughing through her class's video diaries.
When she came across this.
Thought I should see it.
Now I see why my own daughter was betraying me.
It wasn't enough that you should carry on with those ghastly creatures from the estate.
That's not true.
But you also had to conjoin with a hostile member of my own board.
This has nothing to do with you.
I love Jamie.
He loves me.
See?
Don't be ridiculous!
What would a man like him see in a woman like you?
In me?
In me, he sees someone who doesn't abuse and humiliate him.
The same thing as I see in him.
I don't know what you mean.
No.
You don't.
That's your problem.
You've never seen what you really are.
Well... 
You'll have to go.
I can't have you here after this.
The girls, the school.
Imagine the damage if this got into the gutter press!
He's not here.
How are you, Gran?
He's not here.
Have you see him today?
He's not here!
He's not there.
Oh, Nick the money.
You after him as well?
No.
Don't tell me he doesn't owe you.
Not a penny. 
Paid it all off.
Bought himself a fancy motor an' all.
So?
So he must be engaged in suitable employment.
Or is he dealing?
Or did his auntie leave him a gold mine in South Africa?
That's the problem with you people round here.
You think you're so smart.
Yeah, we heard you got passed over for the top job.
It's because I was too young!
We knew that.
It was only you that didn't.
Hm, usually photographed with a hat on.
Why do you suppose that was, Sykes?
Aha. 
That's why.
Look at that.
See? 
He was only 30, but half his hair was gone and the rest was ginger.
Maybe it was suicide after all.
My wicked old uncle used to say they're all sex-mad and bad-tempered.
Ah, now. 
See, she...
She would call herself auburn.
But we know, don't we?
Ah, Jones. 
Can I help?
Sorry, I thought you were talking to... ..someone.
I was talking to this dog.
He's a Sprechhund.
That's German for a dog you talk to.
Oh?
I discuss cases with him.
Sort of thinking out loud.
Yes. 
Yes.
You could always do that with a person, if you liked.
Hm, I suppose I could.
What did you learn at the estate?
Thomas has got a lot of money and seems to have done a runner.
So what do we make of that?
I am so sorry, Jess.
It doesn't worry me.
That's the way I like it. 
A-ha, a-ha!
Whatever happened to Miss Shrinking Violet of yesteryear?
I dumped her. 
For you.
That must have been about two weeks ago.
Golf club tie.
Midsomer Parva Cup day.
Who took this?
Some little horror from upper fifth.
They're doing a video diary project.
So what do you think of my plan?
Suppose she calls your bluff?
She won't. 
I know her.
We could do all the things we've talked about.
You've talked about.
Please!
The Robinsons have moved!
Yes?
Henry Parsons, rugby club.
How can I help?
Welcome to the neighbourhood.
I heard the old duck brigade had been round.
Thought I should present a more...normal side.
Oh. 
Right.
Well, come in.
Girls, inside.
Prep time.
What's gotten into her?
Probably some bit of rough off the estate.
I have nothing more to say to you.
Well, I have plenty to say to you.
I don't think that's wise.
First, I'd like to thank you for this DVD.
Which I have decided I am going to release to the local press.
Or maybe the national dailies.
You're not serious?
!
I am.
That would destroy you!
So? 
Who am I?
Nobody at all.
But you, Mummy dearest, are a well-known educationalist.
Chairman of the Headmasters' Conference.
Won't look too good in your world when they see that members of your staff shag the parents all over the premises.
Please don't be crude.
Sorry.
You won't do it!
Yes, I will.
I promise you.
Jessie, after your father left, I found it very hard -
Mother!
You won't even tell me who my father was.
So don't try that line of emotional blackmail.
It won't wash.
What do you want?
We want you to retire.
What?
!
That old racing car seems to be worth a surprising amount of money.
So we want you to sell it.
Assuming it's yours to sell.
And swan off to your place in Brittany.
Leaving Jamie and I to bring in the local education people.
And turn this place into a proper school.
For everyone.
Or you'll...
Yes.
I...just wanted to mould you in the Darnley tradition.
But it didn't suit.
Did it?
I'm so sorry, Jessie.
I'm sorry I got it so wrong.
So you don't play any sports, then?
No, I don't think so.
Chess? 
That's not...
You go to a gym?
Actually, no. 
No, not gyms.
It's just that there's a gang of us guys, you know, golfers, rugger-buggers, a few local businessmen, we kind of get together some evenings.
There's a group of... ..men.
Are you Masons?
No! 
No.
It's a bit more...
It's a bit more fun than that.
Oh.
Can I bring my wife?
She's a teacher, you see.
She's joining me at the end of the summer term, when she moves to Causton.
To live with me. 
Together. 
But she likes to get out and meet people.
You look amazing.
Yes.
What is it tonight, then?
The club where the royal prince is?
Eyebrows.
Are you going on the train?
No.
I have my little minder to take me.
Frock, please.
Oh, watch the hair.
I could kiss you myself!
Coat and bag.
Right, who's covering for me?
I am, me.
I'll be in your bed tonight.
I love that.
Good night, angels.
Night, Charlie!
She's amazing!
Just get in the bed.
Give us a lift.
You seem a bit distracted.
Something is puzzling me.
Like who broke the lock on your battery box?
Well spotted.
Maybe we should go back to the hotel.
Yes, Daddy.
Why not?
Charlie and her chum are scamming me.
They were just raking a bit off the top.
But now they've got very greedy.
It's the sort of thing I'd have done.
Naughty though.
Someone's going to get a bit of a slap.
You're not going to sleep, are you?
Not on your life.
Tracker rod from the steering column almost cut through.
First turn of the wheel, it shears off, causing total loss of steering.
Hence the poor boy not making the bend.
Where does this road go?
Right past Darnley Park.
Do you think he was headed there?
Maybe. 
Maybe going to see his drama coach.
Do you think so?
I told you there were rumours.
Mm.
Shall we go and ask her?
You ask her.
Why would Thomas be coming to see me?
I just thought, what with your connections to the estate, that...
That what?
That um... 
With all your good work there, maybe...
Oh, dear god.
Contrary to popular opinion,
I am not some desperate woman who'll get it wherever she can.
I didn't mean to imply - Of course you did.
I hear the snide stuff too, you know.
'Jessie's very friendly with the estate boys, isn't she?
'
Well...
Look at this.
That's me.
Ooh!
And that's my lover.
Yes, right, thank you.
Does he look like someone from the estate?
Ha ha!
Do you mind?
!
Murder inquiry, Miss Wingate.
Sorry.
I feel terrible.
I virtually told her she was a slag.
We can't always be sensitive, caring, and diplomatic.
Sometimes we're just woodentops.
Get this down to Bullock and get him to find out all about it.
Bullard, sir.
Thank you.
I'm going to have words with Harriet Wingate.
Your starter for ten.
What?
Who is he?
Duncan Palmer.
Who else is he?
I don't know what you're talking about.
It was the Sixties.
How many times have I heard that as an excuse for interesting behaviour?
He was very attractive.
But hopeless.
I could never have married him.
Did he ask you to?
Well...
Yes.
That's why he killed himself here.
He wanted to be close to me.
And his daughter.
Yes.
Does Jessica know?
We've never talked very well together.
She's always been a bit unlike me, has my daughter.
I bet.
But lately, she's taken a more positive line in her life.
In what way?
She's fired me from my own school.
No, no.
Down.
Down.
Ahem.
Hi, girls.
Hello, sir.
I've been looking at some of your class video diaries.
What did you find?
The rude bits.
Oh, god.
It's just a joke.
But it's what I didn't find that really interests me.
You're Charlotte Cameron's friends, aren't you?
Not so much her friends as her pets.
Scholarship girls, we are.
You mean she patronises you to death.
She's really nice to our faces.
But laughs at us behind our backs.
So... 
What else have you got?
Jessica is Duncan Palmer's daughter?
!
Yes, but I don't know if Jessica is aware of this interesting little snippet.
Are you going to tell her?
Oh, god, no.
Not police business. 
Personal stuff, I stand aside and let the bus go by.
That would explain why he suicided in the school barn.
Not necessarily.
Why not?
It's too pat, too neat.
What?
Tom Barnaby couldn't bear a death not being a murder either.
It does sort of undermine our raison d'etre.
But in this case...
DS Jones.
Sir, West End Central.
Can we confirm a Charlotte Cameron is one of ours.
What's she done?
Tried to sell cocaine to an undercover.
Tell them to keep her in isolation till we get there. 
No lawyers.
Is that legal?
Don't know, don't care.
Keep her in isolation until we get there.
What's going to happen to me?
What's going to happen to me?
You had a sizeable stash.
Dealer sizeable.
Of course, any co-operation will be taken into consideration.
Thomas Brightwell.
He made me take the stuff round the smarter clubs.
I had the kind of connections he'd never get near.
He threatened you?
Yes, that's right. 
He threatened me.
I'm afraid Thomas was killed last night.
In a vehicle accident.
Really?
I'm sorry.
Oh, god.
Was he coming to meet you?
Yes.
So why were you carrying the drugs?
Because of you.
He said you were always on his case.
He couldn't get caught carrying.
He said...
He said he'd cut my face if I didn't do what he said.
It's all right, Charlotte.
It's all right.
Poor kid. 
Still, family money, good lawyer, should see her right.
Are you serious? 
She is lying through her perfect little teeth.
Really?
Yes.
She seemed genuine to me.
Because she is a pretty girl.
You are a young man and your brains are still in your trousers.
Thank you, sir.
I, on the other hand, being a desiccated old goat, don't fall for that crap for one second.
Oh, good.
I don't know, Jonesy.
I don't know anything at all.
Honest.
What are you doing?
Answer my simple question!
Or I jump up and down.
All right! 
I was just kidding!
There's no need to get all Sweeney on me!
Talk!
All right.
There's very good stuff all over.
I'm not grassing him up because he's dead, but Thomas was definitely the man.
Thank you for your co-operation, sir.
But if the product was so good, why wasn't Thomas cutting it?
It's where he's getting the Class A is that I can't figure.
Oh, I'm as blind as a bat!
It isn't always the poor preying on the rich.
Sometimes the water runs uphill.
Sorry?
Lao-Tzu. 
He founded Taoism.
Not round here he didn't.
Via my place, please.
Uh-uh!
He hasn't had a walk for days.
Harriet, what the hell are you talking about?
!
I've changed my mind.
I've been wrong all these years.
Training thoroughbreds is easy.
The real challenge would have been to get amongst the mongrels and bring them up to the mark.
What patronising tosh!
You've been got at.
What's Jamie been saying to you?
Nothing. 
I haven't even spoken to him.
I've been talking to my daughter.
Who's having an affair with Jamie.
Two washouts together.
Don't talk about Jessie like that.
She's a fine girl.
You've given up, haven't you?
The great Harriet Wingate has finally folded her tent.
Or finally seen herself for what she really is.
I need to talk to Charlotte.
She's not here.
What?
She wasn't at breakfast.
One of the scholarship girls said she'd gone clubbing.
Again.
Harriet!
Ha! 
Don't look surprised.
She is your daughter.
This place really is falling apart!
Does he not walk?
Of course he walks.
He just doesn't follow.
And I can't find his lead to drag him.
Right, Sykes.
OK, find, find.
I wanted him to be a sniffer dog, but he says he has sinus problems.
Ow.
Right, let's pretend we have a warrant.
Ever seen the French Connection?
Gear in the rocker panels.
Let's hope these people were watching.
What the hell do you think you're doing?
!
Hm, nice.
I said - Mrs Cameron, your daughter has been arrested on drug-dealing charges.
She has told us everything.
I don't believe you. 
And I have nothing more to say without a lawyer present.
And I demand to be allowed to speak to my daughter.
OK.
We'll arrange that.
Then, if you could present yourself at Causton police station this afternoon, we can start the formal questioning.
Very well.
She didn't fall for that one.
If she talks to her daughter, they will turn up with fully synchronised stories.
I hope so. 
I like to give people all the rope they need.
Call Bullard. 
Get him down here with his spectrometer and cover every nano-inch of this beast.
Then go and pull Jamie Cameron's chain.
See if he's in it.
Yes, sir.
Sykes!
Thanks for bringing me the good news.
She's been bailed into her mother's care.
Were you aware of your daughter's activities, sir?
She's no daughter of mine.
Mrs Cameron would like to say that her daughter is totally innocent.
And that it was she, Kate Cameron, who inadvertently introduced the seized substances into her car.
So she admits to the presence of substances.
You said that your people had found traces.
Yes. 
I did.
Mrs Cameron did not know that the drugs were there.
And can only presume they were planted by Thomas Brightwell or one of his associates when the car was being shown in either Paris or Prague.
That Thomas got around.
My client presumes Brightwell removed the drugs from the car when it arrived here.
And then proceeded to bully Charlotte Cameron into introducing the drugs into certain London clubs.
So Charlotte and Thomas didn't conspire to cut Mrs Cameron out of the deal.
Charlotte was manipulated by Brightwell.
Who can't, obviously, deny or confirm any of this.
No.
And where does...
Charlotte's father... come into all this, Mrs Cameron?
Is...
Charlotte's father...
a part of the story?
Do go on.
Mrs Cameron would like to state that her family do not deal in drugs.
And that she would like all charges dropped against her and her daughter forthwith.
Forthwith, eh?
Can we go now, please?
Are you going to terminate the interview?
Um... 
In a tick.
Jones, why don't we bring our young friends in?
And the gizmo trolley.
Behind you, sir.
Ah, thank you.
It's all right, girls.
What's going on?
Who are these girls?
Nerys and Bethan.
They're friends of your daughter's.
I know them.
Let's have a look at what they've been doing with their video things.
We've transferred the material for your easy viewing.
Jones.
How are you going with that estate boy?
Gagging for it.
Keep it that way.
This was some time ago.
What Katy did next.
Today's mission, should you wish to accept -
Here's Charlie with her little angels.
Some time later.
Oh, yeah.
And finally... 
For now, at least.
Pretty much completes the circle.
Supplying, selling, and receiving.
And of course, our wee scholars have lots more.
But they do get a bit repetitive.
You are so dead!
Guess we weren't so stupid after all.
Snotty cow. 
Bitch!
And your mother's a prossie!
Yes, yes, thank you, girls.
Mrs Cameron, anything to add?
My client would like to consult with me in private.
It's got to be her!
Doggy Day recognises Charlotte from the London clubs.
Probably knew she was dealing.
So Kate has to shut him up to protect her daughter. 
One down.
Then Thomas and Charlotte steal a whole shipment from Kate's car.
Kate can forgive her daughter, but not some yob from the estate.
So she sabotages Thomas's car, which sorts him.
Motive, opportunity. 
Got her!
Why not?
Statistics, Jones. 
Psychology too.
What about their daughters?
Daughters.
Now daughters are another mystery within this mystery.
You know, when I told Jamie Cameron his daughter had been arrested, he denied her.
He said he didn't have a daughter.
Brilliant, Jones. 
Well done.
Thank you, sir.
And well done for digging up these magazines.
Especially this one.
Come on. 
We have to upset Mr Bullard again.
Duncan Palmer's skull wound.
The bullet enters on the right, low down.
Exits high left.
Totally consistent with a hand-held pistol shot suicide.
Mm, but somehow we have to encompass... ..this little news item.
Palmer was never keen on driving the Lotus X4 because, being a left-hander, he found the positioning of the gear lever more awkward than usual.
Right-handed head shot, easy-peasy, bang as per your photos.
But as a leftie... ..damn near impossible. 
Conclusion...
Precisely.
See you later.
How could you miss that?
Your case. 
How could you miss it?
DCI Barnaby. 
How are you today?
Good. 
I was wondering if we could meet up later.
Yes, I know the place.
Meet me where we first made love.
So you picked it, then.
Ages ago. 
Subconsciously.
But been a bit slow with the everyday brain.
Ah, there you go.
So, Duncan Palmer.
Not just your best man, but your wife's lover as well.
He was a total swine.
And when did you first realise that Kate wasn't your daughter, but Duncan's?
Not too hard to pick.
No red hair in my family.
Where's he gone, then?
I don't know.
Doesn't tell me.
Sits, thinks, charges off on his own.
Tells his dog more than he tells me.
You'd better let me down.
Oh, I will.
Pull this lever. 
Good night, Irene.
Good night.
Palmer also had an affair with Harriet Wingate.
He had a daughter with her too.
Did he really?
Mm.
Fertile little beggar.
Oh, but hang on. 
You knew all that.
Did I?
Yes.
That's why you killed him here.
I did?
You lured him.
With a fake message from the young Harriet.
What a romantic suicide.
Within sight of his one true love.
And then you had the fallback position of him disappearing in the Lake District.
Just muddying the waters.
But no-one found his body here.
So you kept quiet and carried on as normal.
Your wife died.
And your daughter... ..Kate... grew up and married Jamie Cameron.
Useless character.
Impotent and infertile.
Not a single working seed!
Ah. 
So where did Charlotte come from?
You'd have to ask Kate.
No, I wouldn't.
You told Kate that you weren't her real father, didn't you?
Ergo not a blood relative at all.
So?
So there would have been no genetic problem if Kate were to have a child by the man she also called Daddy.
That's a disgusting accusation!
But rather a fine posthumous revenge on Duncan Palmer.
He seduced your wife, who had his daughter.
So you slept with that daughter.
And lo, there was Charlotte.
Daughter, granddaughter.
And much loved in both capacities.
And that's why you had to kill again.
Starting with Mr Dave Doggy Day.
He was an aberration.
An offence to mankind.
An impertinence!
You took advantage of your own teaching.
Yo! 
Hello!
Aagh!
Foot down and impale him on the crank handle.
He could have exposed Charlotte.
He knew her from the clubs.
And Thomas Brightwell.
There was someone who really offended you.
Jumped-up nobody from the estate thinking he had the right to own a classic car!
An ill-gotten gains man.
How did you know that?
You were waiting for Doggy.
But caught Thomas taking the drugs from Kate's car.
He could destroy both Kate and Charlie.
So he had to be eliminated as well.
And your expertise certainly knew how to fix his wagon.
Literally.
He was no loss.
He was trash.
They're all trash!
Peter, you're a psychopath.
Oh, you really do want to die, don't you?
You've got to go some time.
I've had a good run.
Yes, that would cover your murders very well.
Oh, be quiet. 
I'm not stupid.
I can see an amateur psychologist at work.
Amateur?
How dare you! 
I've got a degree!
You're trying to bend my head around a post!
Well, you can't!
So shut up and prepare to meet your maker!
I don't believe in god.
I do!
Ahem.
Oh.
Have you killed him?
No.
Good.
Should I...
Get me down?
I should get some photos of the crime scene.
Not if you ever want to have children.
Tom said you were the right stuff.
Thank you, sir.
Of course, if word of my suspension ever gets out...
Oh, I don't suppose it will, sir.
Good.
Not while my career maintains its steady upward trajectory.

I'm Agent Rick Martinez.
Let me be the first to welcome you to the CIA.
And this is the story of America's great house of spies.
FAY:
You've heard of office politics?
Ours come with poison pills and guns.
ADELE:
Spy trap.
I knew this was going to be a fiasco.
I've been assigned to a special covert unit, conceived to go where others can't, and to do what others won't, whether the mission's authorized or not.
We each have our own special skill, Martinez.
I lead, Billy charms people,
Casey hurts people, and you translate.
We are the ODS, last of the old-school spies.
Chaos - 1x13 
- Proof of Life Sync and correction by Mlmlte
This intelligence could help bring wrongly imprisoned Americans home.
And you're basing this rather grandiose claim on what?
My asset. 
He has extensive contacts.
Which you can't verify.
That's why I am going into the field.
Blindly walking into the lion's den to face a man you've never met.
Whose trust I've been working to earn for the last six months.
Via e-mail.
Have you been tweeting him as well?
Sir, you know turning an asset can be a very delicate dance.
And one false step can land you on your face.
Dozens of Americans have disappeared all around the world all held by any number of political and criminal organizations.
I'm well aware of the problem of kidnapping for profit.
My asset has given them solid intel in the past.
He's the real deal.
If he can help reunite one family, isn't that worth the risk?
Is he ready?
We all have to go solo at some point.
There's very little downside if he screws up.
CASEY:
Which he probably will.
You kick the baby bird out of the nest too soon... splat.
HIGGINS:
Well... that's two out of three.
I'm gonna give you the go-ahead, Mr. Martinez.
Try not to... go "splat."
RICK:
Baby bird?
CASEY: 
As Higgins said, you do "tweet."
MICHAEL:
What's the problem, Martinez?
You got the green light.
Out in the field, turning his first asset.
They grow up so fast.
There.
That's the problem.
That felt like a parent-teacher conference in there.
I'm not a child.
I've saved your lives.
Probably.
How many more times do I have to keep proving myself before you guys stop treating me like the new guy and just start treating me like the guy?
Fair enough.
But if you're heading off to Bangkok, you need to go see the doc first.
Why? 
I've already had all my inoculations.
Oh, it's not about shots.
Let's talk about prostitution.
What?
Whenever our newer operatives journey to certain locales-- your Macaus, your Rio de Janeiros, your Bangkoks-- the Agency wants them to go in prepared.
You'd be surprised at how many fine young people go over there with the best of intentions only to find themselves falling prey to carnal temptation.
Whether it's massage parlors, sex shows or the infinite number of women, men and ladyboys ready to service your deepest desires.
I'm going to write you a prescription for antibiotics, purely preventative.
I want you to listen to me.
I am not curious about sex shows or ladyboys or anything other than my mission.
Fine.
You're not leaving here without a goody bag.
(elevator bell dings)
Congratulations.
I heard your first solo mission was approved.
Thanks.
Don't you want to see if I have my my milk money packed, too?
Excuse me?
I'm just kidding.
Just... everybody around here's acting like
I'm heading out the front door to my first day of kindergarten.
Well, if you've got some dinner money packed,
I could be persuaded to join you on a celebratory date tonight.
I wish.
It's only three hours until my flight.
Oh.
Uh... would you care to brief me on the particulars of this mission, Operative Martinez?
No, that's not me.
That's... the doctor.
(elevator bell dings) It's required.
Enjoy Bangkok.
I will.
But not that way.
Mmm.
Is that the money?
$10,000, like we agreed on.
Let me see it.
Where's the disk?
Money first.
Uh-uh.
You've seen what I've got.
All I see is a computer disk.
It could be filled with junk.
A chance you'll have to take.
You know, I try to think the best of people, I really do, but I had a feeling you were gonna pull something like this.
What is that?
It's blue dye.
You open this without the right combination, and the canister blows.
Then all you'll have is a bunch of worthless, ink-stained paper.
Now... the disk?
It's not junk.
The combination is 7-1-4.
(tires screech)
You set me up!
(tires screech)
Okay, up until 30 seconds ago, that looked flawless.
What the hell are you guys doing here?
!
MICHAEL:
Aw, relax, Martinez.
We wanted to provide a little backup just in case.
We just saved your ass.
You might want to show a tad more gratitude.
You got my ass kicked!
I was doing fine until you guys got here.
This is my asset, by the way, okay?
I'm supposed to be the point man.
I'm supposed to be the only man!
Too much turmeric.
All right, let's see what your maiden voyage yielded.
I still can't believe you guys did this.
Martinez, we are a team, okay?
It's what we do.
CASEY:
And this isn't about you.
We look for any excuse to come to Bangkok.
Excessive turmeric notwithstanding.
How much cash did you give the asset?
Ten thou. 
Why?
You might as well have flushed it down the toilet.
What are you talking about?
Look. 
There's names, photos.
It's loaded with intel.
Intel that's five years old.
That's Henrik Sundstrom.
Captured, released, retired.
What?
And that's Cappy Wilson.
He's been dead for a year and a half.
Died in captivity?
No. 
He fell down the stairs in his house.
I...
I don't understand.
You sold the family cow for a handful of magic beans, Jack.
Well, we're in Bangkok, the night's still young, right?
So get in and let's go on before the flight home.
(engine starts)
First time in Bangkok, Martinez?
Yes, sir.
I'd hate to think that long, long flight was a complete loss.
You know what I think about when I read a report like this?
That there's a hardworking middle-class American in this great country of ours that doesn't know it, but every dime of his or her taxes just went scooting down an alley in Thailand.
Sir... (knocking)
Ms. Carson, sir.
She says it's extremely important.
Sir?
Yes?
There's something on this that you need to see.
(tapping disk)
HIGGINS: 
Do we know who this man is?
Yes. 
He's a British contractor named George Kelling.
Kidnapped from his home in Mexico City.
His family paid the ransom, he was released.
But the person of interest is this man here.
We ran this through our facial recognition software.
(computer clicking)
It's Carson Simms.
Is that meaningful?
You could say that.
Carson Simms was presumed killed three years ago in North Africa on a mission.
But Kelling was kidnapped less than a year ago.
So Simms didn't die in North Africa after all.
Wait a minute.
This guy is one of ours?
Tell him.
You ever wonder why there was an empty desk in our office?
Carson was the fourth member of the ODS before you.
It's his desk that you're sitting at.
Is it true?
Is he alive?
Looks like.
Holy crap.
Carson Simms.
(laughs) I knew it.
Men like him, they don't go down easy.
Hot damn!
What happened exactly?
Oh, you don't know the story?
It's legendary, man.
The ODS were pursuing a major honcho on the global counterfeiting scene: 
Ernesto Salazar.
Tracked him to North Africa, set up a raid.
But the local government troops never showed up to support the operation.
And the last anyone ever saw of Simms, he was inside Salazar's warehouse when it went up in a ball of flames.
So why did it take three years to replace him?
Because he's irreplaceable!
I mean...
Oh...
Right. 
Sorry.
Hey, don't you worry there, chief.
I'll make a place for you.
I'm putting together a team of my own.
Blanke! 
Stop harassing Martinez.
That's our job.
(snaps fingers) Martinez.
(mouthing)
So, what do we know?
We know that if we can find Salazar, we'll find Simms.
So you think Salazar's been holding Simms hostage this whole time?
CASEY:
Of course he has.
There hasn't been a ransom.
Look, Salazar knows the trade value of a captured CIA operative, so he's sitting on Simms as some kind of bargaining chip, all right? 
It's like a "get out of jail free" card.
We need to pick up the scent somewhere.
And since Simms was last seen alive working a counterfeit case...
Doris Balshik.
The clouds part, and my world is a brighter place.
Can it, Scotty.
Oh.
Well, hello there.
Surprised and pleased to see you're still with us.
Why surprised?
Word is out that Carson Simms is alive, and everyone knows the ODS is a four-man operation.
(clears throat) So...
How was Greece?
You know, when a male operative seduces an asset to gain valuable intelligence, he's...
James Bond, but if a woman does the same thing, she's treated like a nymphomaniac.
Gender bias, plain and simple.
Double standard.
Tell me about it.
So, what could I do for you boys that won't get me in trouble with HR?
Excuse me.
You smell good.
MICHAEL:
Balshik, we were wondering if you've noticed an uptick in counterfeit currency moving overseas?
You know, the really high-end stuff.
None of that inkjet printer crap.
The gold standard.
Oh, you're looking for Salazar.
There has been some increased activity recently.
I've only got bits and pieces, but you can bet your boots the Secret Service boys have the whole picture.
The overzealous Boy Scouts.
Amen to that.
And good luck getting any info out of them.
They don't play well with others.
They don't know what they're missing.
(clears throat)
So you're telling us this cartoon is proof of life?
It's not a cartoon.
It's an enhanced high-resolution facial-recognition photograph.
(whistles)
These CIA guys, they really know all the big, fancy words.
Still looks like a cartoon to me.
That's Carson Simms.
I know it, and you know it. 
Uh-uh.
What I do know is the Secret Service is not going to jeopardize an ongoing mission to go chasing after some phantom you pulled off an old photo.
Who may or may not be dead, by the way.
(clears throat)
(sighs)
That is the latest robotic toy on the market.
Saw it in Singapore last month, and I immediately thought of you, Harris.
We don't have a lot of time to play with toys over here.
Play money, play toys?
I figured it was natural.
Besides, thought you were a robot guy, Harris. 
Come on.
I am.
You know, people laugh at robotic culture, but the truth is, robots deserve our respect.
Think about it.
They run our assembly lines.
They perform surgery.
They provide companionship.
The point is, you're not going to bribe me into changing my mind.
At least tell us one thing.
Is Salazar back in business?
You guys aren't getting it through your heads.
You guys blew it last time with Salazar.
This time, leave it to the grown-ups.
And what about Carson Simms?
What if he's still alive?
Come on, you guys are law enforcement.
You know how it is when one of your own is in trouble.
You take care of it.
Yeah, yeah, we get it.
Completely.
Say your guy's still alive.
He's been down there already, what, three years?
GRIGGS:
What's another six months?
Another six months of rotting in some cage, maybe getting tortured, is that what you're talking about?
HARRIS:
When we make our move to bust Salazar, we'll be sure to bring your boy home.
Safe and sound.
Disgusting.
I'm out of here.
You know, Harris,
I think I get why you feel such a connection to robots.
Damn spooks.
DORIS:
You hid the transmitter in a toy robot?
That's pretty genius.
Your idea.
I wish I could take credit.
Did we get anything?
Oh, yeah, your little robot friend sucked everything off his computer.
Case files on most of their ongoing operations, including Ernesto Salazar.
They've tracked him to Panama.
Of course. 
Free trade zone.
We can't touch him.
Looks like their plan is to peddle him traceable ink, then bust him as soon as he tries to circulate the bills.
Then I'd say we need to goose that process along.
Let me make a few discreet calls.
I'm sure I can arrange an introduction to Señor Salazar.
Mm-hmm.
And what do you need from us?
A plane ticket to Panama.
And... a traveling companion.
Sir, I told him...
HIGGINS: 
That's all right. 
My door is always open to our friends at the Treasury Department, even when they kick it open.
Your guys have crossed the line.
I'm guessing it has something to do with this cute little fella here, huh?
It's a device that tapped into our database.
(chuckles) Go ahead.
Yeah, have your laugh.
Keep sticking your neck out for your boys, it'll make it easier to chop it off.
I'd caution you to tone it down.
Well, since we're tossing out cautions to each other here, let me lob one your way.
We're the Treasury Department, but we're also the Secret Service.
And the President, well, he's kind of fond of us, seeing as how we protect him and his family.
This little ODS stunt is going straight to the White House.
You're going to feel heat like you have never felt before.
It's going to be their necks, or yours.
(door opens)
(door closes)
MICHAEL:
Heads up.
Well... thank God you made it.
I was afraid we weren't going to have a chance to say good-bye.
The Treasury Department knows that you hacked into their computers.
They're threatening to press charges.
Press charges?
Tell 'em to get in line.
HIGGINS:
Now this is serious.
You go down to Panama, and you are all guilty of interfering with the Treasury Department's current investigation.
Punishable by law.
Punishable by law?
What does that mean?
Like when you rip the tag off a mattress?
Pending legal action notwithstanding, if Carson's down there, Higgins, we're going after him.
We don't leave a man behind.
HIGGINS:
That's all very noble.
But you get on that plane, and there's a good chance that you won't be coming home.
Appreciate the heads-up, Director.
Frankly, I'm surprised by your concern.
It's not concern for you.
I've got a lot of asses I have to cover.
And if this thing blows up,
I'm not going to let you drag the Agency down with you.
DORIS:
I guess you want to know what happened in Greece.
I think we should stay focused on the mission at hand.
DORIS: 
Long story short, there was some trouble.
A man was involved.
But he's out of the picture now, so...
I'm open to whatever life has in store.
Good for you.
Oh, I know you're not interested right now.
That's cool.
But you never know.
Life's full of strange twists and turns.
Tell me about it.
If we bring back Simms, I would be rescuing my replacement.
Twists and turns.
They do make a cute couple, don't they?
I'm rooting for them.
You ought to think about coming over to Counterfeit.
I know it doesn't sound sexy, but you know what I can do with a few hundred mil in prime counterfeit?
Topple governments.
That's power.
You like powerful women, Martinez?
Well, I... am dating the Deputy Director.
I'll take that as a "yes."
Okay. 
It's on.
Cool your jets, hotshot.
Just keep your mouth shut and look pretty.
And don't forget.
I'm "Margarite."
Right.
Here we go.
Mr. Salazar.
It's a pleasure.
I'm Margarite.
Margarite!
Please.
Well, your reputation precedes you.
So if I tell you we're here to sell you quality ink, you'll believe it's as good as I say it is.
I already have a supplier, so I'm not sure why I should be talking to you.
Because we know something you don't.
Treasury's been surveilling your operation for some time now.
(camera shutter clicks)
What?
Think I wouldn't notice a couple of pasty gringos sweating through their cheap suits?
Besides, what can they do to me here anyway?
We are in a free trade zone.
Everything goes.
They're going to catch you this time.
We know who sold you your ink.
And so do they.
It's traceable.
Tagged with a radioactive element by Treasury.
As soon as those bills go into circulation, it's just a matter of time before you're extradited to the U.S.
Is that a fact?
Give us one of your bills.
(camera shutter clicking)
MICHAEL:
Amazing.
You'd never know they were Treasury Department.
Their dedication to the craft is remarkable.
They just blend right in.
(clicks tongue)
(speaking Spanish)
BOY:
Sí. 
Sí, señor.
(speaking Spanish)
Gracias, amigos.
(beeping)
(beeping)
How did you know about that?
Problem's turned up with a few clients.
The good news for you is we're wholesalers, of clean
Treasury Department-quality ink.
This is just a sample.
We have a brilliant chemist who makes it.
Only without the part where they trace the money back to you.
I'll need to test it.
I'll get back to you.
Margarite.
(speaks softly)
What the hell does he do anyway?
DORIS:
Oh, him?
He keeps me happy.
(all laughing)
(laughing)
(whispers):
Let's go.
You are a true artist.
It's all about getting in touch with your anti-American inner child.
(engine idling)
(people clamoring)
¿Que pasó aqui?
Esta bien.
No problemo, señor.
(handcuffs clicking)
(phone ringing)
Fay, what do you got?
The trace has been on the move for 15 minutes.
Where's it headed?
Northeast of the city.
Wait. 
It stopped.
Can you give us a location?
Coordinates 0845 north, 7840 west.
40 west. 
How about some satellite photos?
We'll get what we can right away.
Looks like a fairly rural spot.
All right, thanks, Fay.
Michael, the phone lines have been burning here all day.
A lot of chatter between Higgins and the Treasury Department.
Something about a blown operation down there.
Really? 
That's a shame.
Will you please be serious?
The White House is involved.
Word is someone's head is gonna roll for this.
And despite certain things I may have said during our divorce,
I really don't want that head to be yours.
It's nice to know you care.
Don't push it.
(cell phone beeps)
Ready?
Let's follow the ink.
Let me save you time and effort.
Your input and opinion on this matter have been duly noted.
I know the White House wants someone's head.
If there's anything I can do to mitigate this,
I'm happy to make some calls.
Ms. Ferrer...
You can't possibly be considering selling them out.
You're ambitious.
You see yourself sitting in this chair one day.
Tell me, what would you do in my position?
The right thing.
Take the fallout and protect my operatives.
Up to and including losing your job?
If that were the only way, then yes.
That's very noble.
Now let me tell you what happens after your righteous firing.
You're disgraced...
publicly.
Every decision that you ever made comes under scrutiny.
Every operative that you ever recruited is tainted... permanently.
You wouldn't just be sacrificing yourself.
You'd be sacrificing everyone that you've ever touched.
All to save four men.
So I ask you again.
You've been promoted tomorrow.
This whole mess is now your responsibility.
What are you gonna do, Director?
(sighs)
Here they come.
What did you find?
Four armed guards around the center building.
That has to be his printing operation.
RICK:
So where's Simms?
Guard's dumping somebody's leftovers.
There's our answer.
Let's go.
My God.
Carson.
You're a little late.
About three years and two months.
But I'm glad you made it.
Better late than never, eh?
(laughs) Come here, man.
How you doing, man?
I'm better now.
I thought you were dead, brother.
Easy mistake, easy mistake.
CASEY:
Well, we're here now.
I never doubted it for a second, man.
Ah!
Who the hell's that?
Don't tell me my replacement?
Come on. 
You couldn't wait for my body to get cold?
What did you want us to do, build you a bloody shrine?
Life goes on now.
Rick Martinez.
The pleasure's mine, kid, all mine.
All right, let's get you the hell out of here.
Man, am I glad to see you guys.
(dialing tones)
FAY:
Hello?
Hey, it's Michael.
We found Simms.
He's alive, Fay.
Michael, there's something you need to know.
We need an extraction.
Can you arrange for a chopper to pull us out?
It's a little hot down here.
Not as hot as it is here.
What are you talking about?
Congratulations on getting Simms.
I can arrange a helicopter to get him out, but as soon as you step foot in that chopper, you'll be in handcuffs.
What?
Remember what I said about heads rolling?
Well, the ax is swinging.
Higgins sold you out.
The Treasury Department has issued arrest warrants on the ODS.
Interference with a federal investigation, obstruction, theft of classified documents.
You still need that chopper?
I'm gonna have to call you back.
Seems like they're being a bit thin-skinned about all this.
Seriously. 
All we did was steal top secret information from a government agency and destroy a two-year sting operation.
So what are our options?
We do what we came here to do.
Carson, you're getting on that chopper and going home.
We're staying here.
We're gonna figure out how to proceed.
Yeah, forget that.
He's right. 
We're in hot water, not you.
Look, I may have been stuck in this rat hole for the past three years, but I didn't get a memo kicking me off the ODS.
Right?
MICHAEL:
Right. 
Okay, option two:
We take down Salazar's operation.
If we can shut Salazar down, turn him over to the Treasury and let them have the win, who knows?
Maybe we can barter our way out of this mess.
I like it.
How many guards we looking at, Carson?
Never more than four.
Shift changes at 8:00 in the morning, then again at lunchtime.
All right, that's doable.
But how do we destroy the printing presses?
We didn't pack our plastic explosives this time.
You don't need 'em.
The presses run on gasoline generators.
A couple of drums of fuel and the strike of a match-- phew!
-- it's Mardi Gras time.
Okay, got ourselves a plan.
(speaks Spanish)
(speaking Spanish)
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
(speaking Spanish)
(grunting)
(choking)
(grunting)
Whoa.
So, those Treasury boys really were on to something big.
There must be a hundred million dollars here.
SIMMS:
You're looking at more like a half a bil.
And this is where they make it.
Right here.
And there's the fuel.
BILLY:
All right.
Let the mayhem commence.
Let's spark it up and get the hell out of here.
We still need to get the printing plates.
Salazar keeps the engraved plates under wraps when they're not being used.
Without them, this is just a temporary setback.
He'll grab those plates and set up shop someplace else.
Let's make that all work for us.
Meaning?
When we burn this place down, that'll put Salazar on the run.
You can bet those plates will be running with him.
All right.
(soft grunt)
(lighter clicks)
You want to do the honors?
I would love to.
I missed you, Simms.
(laughing)
(flames roaring)
All right, let's go.
We good to go?
I'll take that as a "yes."
Burns just like real money.
(indistinct voice over P.A.)
Maybe he's not coming.
HQ confirmed he bought a ticket.
He'll be here.
(indistinct voice over P.A.)
You're good to go.
You're on, Martinez.
If you go out there, you'll be arrested.
What the hell are you doing here?
Same as you--
I'm trying to get the hell out.
They took Margarite.
There's nothing for me here anymore.
I have access to a private airstrip.
We can be in Costa Rica by sundown, but you have to come now.
And you're helping me out of the kindness of your heart?
No, I am helping you, because if they grab you, they will shut this whole place down, and I will be trapped, too.
Look at me.
It's now or never.
(whispers):
Let's go.
Where the hell are we going?
I have a car.
Just keep up, okay?
(grunts) Hey, Ernesto.
Long time no see.
You feeling a little helpless right about now?
That's how I felt.
For three years.
Three long years, my friend.
You know what that does to a man?
The guys are in parking.
We should go.
Come here. 
Give me a hand with this.
What?
Give me a hand!
What the hell are you doing?
I commend you, Rick. 
I do, man.
You really got what it takes to be part of the ODS.
Never doubt yourself.
Why are you doing this?
Three years of hell.
Consider this back pay, plus interest.
MICHAEL:
You think you know a guy.
How many bloody missions have we been on, mate?
And he goes and stabs us in the back like that.
Oh, boo-hoo. 
You think you're the first girls that ever got left at the dance?
What are you talking about?
The guy cracked.
Chain anyone to a pole for three years and they're going to lose it.
You trusted him, and he burned you.
Get over it.
How is that?
Strong enough?
It's fine.
MICHAEL:
Okay, Balshik, maybe none of us saw this coming, but it still leaves us with a small problem.
BILLY: 
Remember?
The whole wanted-fugitives without-a-country thing.
Come on. 
Do I have to spoon-feed this to you?
You've got everything you need to get out of this.
Salazar was holding Simms as his bargaining chip in case he ever got into a jam.
Well, you're in a jam now, and he's your chip.
Aren't you, Chippie?
We could turn Salazar into the Treasury Department.
Knock a couple of years off of our prison sentence.
But Simms still has the counterfeit plates.
Hmm.
Oh, I can get you those plates.
There are only so many places he can sell them.
It's like stealing a van Gogh.
You can't exactly walk into your local pawnshop.
DORIS: 
So, I put out word through my underground network that there's an interested buyer.
The smart move would have been to sit on the plates for a year or two, let things cool down, but given how long
Simms has been cooling his heels, you can bet he's gonna try to make up for lost time.
Margarite?
That's right.
You're a tough person to get a hold of.
MICHAEL:
So are you.
Oh, crap.
Indeed.
Hello, gentlemen.
I discourage you strongly against any impulse to improvise right now.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
You seem pretty quiet, considering what we just did.
You noticed.
You spend two months on the lam with somebody, you notice things.
Look, Martinez, our little...
interlude is coming to an end.
I don't know if I would call it an...
The point is, once we get back to our lives, all this is gonna seem like some crazy dream, so,
I just want to put myself out there one more time.
Look, Doris,
I think you are an incredible operative... and woman.
The way you set up the sting, the way you cooked up bats for us in New Guinea.
They were pretty good, weren't they?
The best I've ever eaten.
(laughs)
But the fact is I'm a one-woman kind of guy.
And that one woman for me is Deputy Director Ferrer.
I get it. 
I get it.
But when she breaks your heart, you run to mama.
(two chirps)
Hi.
What are you doing here?
Are you crazy?
There's still an arrest warrant out for you.
That's okay.
We've got a handle on it.
You've got a handle on it?
I need you to get this to Higgins.
He'll know exactly what to do with it.
And by tomorrow morning,
I'll walk through that front door like none of this ever happened.
Okay.
Well, there are probably safer ways of getting this to Higgins than sneaking into the CIA parking lot.
Probably.
I mean, it just seems like a big risk.
Mm-hmm.
Especially since this is all going to be cleared up tomorrow.
I couldn't wait till tomorrow morning to tell you this.
Tell me what?
I love you.
Get in the car.
What?
You've been MIA for two months.
I'm not waiting, either. 
Get in.
HIGGINS: 
It's time to put an end to this whole sordid affair.
You're aware that we have outstanding warrants on all these clowns, right?
My sworn duty is to take them into custody.
I thought we might make a deal.
You thought wrong.
You should hear the man out.
It's only polite.
First of all, three years of confinement has taken its toll on Operative Simms, so he has opted to retire from the CIA.
After receiving the counseling and medical attention that he needs and deserves,
Simms will move into a quiet life as a civilian.
We don't care about Simms.
Of course you don't.
You care... about your botched case in Panama.
And putting these jokers behind bars.
What if, hypothetically I could give you Salazar's counterfeiting plates?
You have the plates?
What if they were in my desk drawer, and I could hand them over to you right now?
Provided you cleared my men of all charges, of course.
How would that affect our negotiations?
Yeah, well, thanks to these guys, we don't have Salazar to charge, so sorry.
No deal.
All right, what if-- again, hypothetically-- there were a black site in Poland...
You got to be kidding me.
CASEY:
And what if, in the far northeast corner of that black site, there was a hut?
RICK:
A humane hut, mind you.
Way more comfortable than the squalor he kept his own prisoners in.
And in that hut was one Ernesto Salazar.
HIGGINS: 
Your whole case would be handed over to you on a silver platter with all the glory that comes with it.
If we could offer you that, Agent Harris, you think we could make a deal?
(dramatic theme plays)
Hail the conquering heroes!
Hello, Blanke.
Operative Martinez, returned from writing his own legend across the sky, to be handed down through the ages.
Blanke, did you take care of that thing that we discussed?
Oh, oh, I nailed it.
What thing?
BILLY:
We've been thinking, and...
I don't know, we've decided we might have been a bit harsh on you.
Hazing the new guy, all that.
So we thought we'd make a small gesture.
Come on.
Ta-da!
You took my desk.
I'm touched.
MICHAEL:
No.
We got you a new desk.
That old one belonged to Simms.
You deserve your very own, Martinez.
A desk that you can clutter to your heart's content.
With drawers on both sides that you can stuff with Post-its and paper clips and lightly-chewed coffee stirrers.
What I mean is, kind of desk you can grow old with.
Amen.
Where is his desk, Blanke?
Oh, it's not gonna be ready for six to eight weeks.
I mean, once you put the req in for the new one, they take the old one away.
(chuckling):
Don't ask me why.
It's just their policy.
I'll get you a crate or something.
Yeah, sorry about that, Rick.
(pats arm)
(sighs)
Hope you enjoyed this last episode, thanks for watching !
Sync and correction by Mlmlte

♪ Good morning, USA! 
♪
♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ Good morning, USA! 
♪
Aah!
♪ American Dad 6x12 ♪ You Debt Your Life Original Air Date on February 20, 2011
Anybody want a piece of this against my will?
I won't accuse anyone.
Okay, lady, you've had enough.
I want to hear it from him.
You've probably had enough.
You are too big to punch.
I did it perfectly.
Stan?
! 
What are you doing here?
You called me.
No, I didn't.
ROGER Stan, I'm at Shenanigans.
I'm super-drunk and about to get raped.
Come pick me up in 45 minutes.
Hey, I did call you and I sound great.
I should get voice-over work.
In a world where vomit comes out of my mouth...
Great, I tore my favorite suit saving your drunk ass.
Oh, please. 
You'd be so bored without me.
I would not.
You're annoying.
Driving you home from bars, cleaning up your messes, returning Somalian babies you've adopted.
Their little hands can get stuff out of my butt.
I don't know why I saved your life last night.
I should have let that bus kill you.
Wow, Dad!
You saved Roger's life?
I guess you guys are even now.
"Even"?
Yeah, you know, the life debt.
Oh, right. 
Yeah. 
It's true.
I understand, too, Hayley, but would you explain it anyway?
I love to hear things summarized.
Sure, Mom.
Years ago, Roger was a prisoner in Area 51.
He got loose and Dad was the one who found him.
Guards threw grenades into the room.
And Roger saved Dad's life.
Ever since then, Dad's owed Roger a life debt, and that's why he lives with us.
Hey, now that the debt's repaid, he can move out.
Klaus, the life debt may be why Stan invited me to stay here at first, but we all know he love me now and wants me to be here.
Nope, it's the life debt.
It's always been the life debt and now it's repaid.
I don't owe you squat.
Stan...
No.
No, it's true.
He doesn't.
And if that's how you feel, Stan, maybe I should just move out.
Maybe you should.
Fine, I'll move out today!
Great, see you.
You'll miss me!
I should have grabbed my fanny pack instead of that jerk.
Oh, fanny pack?
Finally-- yes, at Area 51.
When I met Stan, I was wearing my special fanny pack.
But it fell off and I had to choose between grabbing it or saving Stan.
Clearly, I chose wrong.
Oh.
Aren't you going to ask me what's so special about the fanny pack?
Okay.
What's so special about...?
That's personal!
Stay out of my business!
Oh, oh, no!
Tell Francine to stay out of my business!
And lunch today will be pizza and tater tots.
Tater tots!
All right!
Hey-a, friendos!
How's this sound?
"The Sci-Fi Club will meet Wednesday at 3:00.
"This week's topic:
the complicated relationship between black people and science fiction."
Sounds good.
Hey, here he comes.
Hey, Zack, could you announce our Sci-Fi Club meeting tomorrow?
Yeah... no.
But it's a club and...
Look, I decide what's worth announcing and stupid crap like that ain't it.
Wow, what a jerk.
Someone should put Zack in his place.
Yeah, his ego is out of control.
Like my blood sugar.
Thanks for letting me move in right away, Miles.
Hey, no problem at all.
Whoa, who is this dog?
!
Is this so we don't get boners in the common area?
That's my mother.
Ugh! 
I wouldn't even do coke off this picture.
Oh, who am I kidding?
I would and I'm about to.
Mama's boy!
Your neighbor's a mama's boy.
Yeah, I know.
Who's at the door, Todd?
It's for me, Mommy!
I love you!
What are you doing up here?
Oh, uh, just, uh, enjoying Roger being gone.
Oh, that's cool.
So, I guess neither of us came up here for any particular reason.
And soccer practice had been moved to the upper field.
Are you sure this'll work, Steve?
Snot, this strategy always works.
And congratulations to the badminton squad, who will be going to regionals.
Zack, will you announce our Sci-Fi Club meeting?
I told you, no!
But don't the students have a right to hear about...?
Those stupid sheep hear what I want them to hear!
I decide what gets announced and those idiots out there do what I tell them!
Zachary, for Pete's sake, the microphone is still on!
It worked!
People always forget the microphone is still on.
I always forget the stove is on.
Zachary, you've lost your announcing privileges.
Steve, I want you to be our new announcer.
Me? 
Uh, thank you, sir.
Here's your trophy.
I'm just kidding.
Can you imagine if you got this big-ass trophy just for announcing?
No. 
No, a trophy like this is for when you star in over 40 adult films in under two months.
That's how you get a trophy like this, son.
Sorry, things didn't work out with your new roommate, Roger.
I tell you, it's a cruel, cruel world out here.
Did you know I saw a man beat down another man today for a sandwich?
A sandwich, Francine!
This sandwich.
I wish I could just come home.
So come home.
We want you there.
Stan doesn't.
As far as he's concerned, the only reason I was living there was the life debt he owed me.
And now, it's repaid.
Forget about the life debt.
Stan's too proud to admit he misses you, but I know he does.
Hey! 
What if you offered to pay rent?
Then Stan would have a perfect excuse to take you back.
You know, that could actually work.
I don't mind paying a little rent.
All right, I'm coming home!
Hi, kids!
As soon as Stan sees my face, he'll realize how much he's missed me.
This isn't my feather boa.
It's beautiful, but it's not mine.
This has been inside someone!
A Travel Guide to Tokyo's Finest Defecation Clubs?
This stuff seems like it's mine, but it's not.
What is going on?
Stan, who the hell is this?
My new tenant.
Meet Andy Dick.
A plea-zure.
Oh, my God!
Another fey pansexual alcoholic nonhuman.
I've been replaced!
Egads! 
Who are you calling "fey"?
I have a son.
Bouncing, bouncing vodka Andy Dick.
Andy, if you need anything, just let me know.
Welcome to our home.
How could Stan think he could replace me with you?
You are so annoying.
I'm not annoying.
I'm a princess.
Oops, I sharted.
Stan's not going to put up with you.
You won't last two hours.
♪ ♪
Get in this car!
No!
Oh, God!
They're doing everything we used to do together.
These should have been my good times.
I've seen enough.
Drive me home, David.
I live right up here on the left.
What are you doing?
Oh, Andy thought it'd be funny to make me a melted cheese on work I was supposed to do sandwich on briefcase bread.
Stan, you're renting the attic to someone who's exactly like Roger.
Just admit you miss him.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Andy is nothing like Roger.
Look, I'm a firefly.
STEVE And lunch today is lasagna.
This concludes the announcements.
Have a great day.
Well done, Steve!
That's right, Snot, 'cause I'm the man!
Whatever I say goes.
I said Miss de Gaulle's French class was moved to room 215, and it is.
I see you, baby, shakin' that derriere.
That means butthole.
And, behold, I said lunch was lasagna, and they're eating lasagna!
Everything I say happens!
We've got to do something.
Steve is drunk with power.
The drunker he gets, the better I look.
Roger?
Sorry.
I-I'm looking for a friend.
I'd say you found one.
Boing!
Roger?
Oh, hey, Franny.
I was just catching some "Zs."
I got your message that you were staying here.
Roger, this YMCA stopped renting out rooms, like, 30 years ago.
What?
! 
I just put up all my pictures.
Oh, I wish you and Stan could just patch things up.
It's too late.
I've been replaced.
Good for you.
You can't give up, Roger.
Maybe you just need to remind Stan why you guys were once friends.
That's a great idea, Franny.
Tell you what.
Bring Stan to the zoo tomorrow.
That's where I've been pooing-- in the peacock hutch.
After he spends the day with me away from Andy, he'll remember how good we are together and he'll invite me to move back in!
I'll go talk to Stan right now.
I'll walk you out.
Let me run upstairs and change.
Uh-oh, storm's a-comin'.
STEVE Finally, the janitorial staff has a friendly reminder.
Please do not defecate in the urinals.
Don't forget to announce debate team practice.
Screw debate. 
Go away!
It's an official school team.
It's only a school team if I say it's a school team!
I do the announcements, and all those mongoloids and tampon-eaters do what I say!
Steven!
For Pete's sake, boy, the microphone is still on!
Snot, from now on, you're doing the announcements.
Yes, sir.
Brought down by an open microphone.
We had to do it, Steve.
You were out of control.
Like my cholesterol.
Jeez, Barry, you have a lot of health problems.
Enjoy that, fancy birds.
Stan, you're here!
Roger.
Damn it, Andy.
Can I put you down now?
But I feel so snug, Stan.
Ooh, this must be how baby kangaroos feel when they're on heroin.
What is he doing here?
Oh, Stan insisted on bringing him.
Mostly, because every time we leave him alone in the house, he has sex with the groceries.
Ugh, that guy is such an annoying, selfish jerk.
This is a disaster.
Why did Stan have to save my life?
I just wish things could go back to the way they were when he still owed me that life debt.
That's it!
What the hell are you doing?
!
Acting like a genius.
All I have to do is grab that ladder over there, lower it down, and save Stan.
He'll owe me a new life debt and I can move back in.
Don't worry, Stan.
I'll save you!
No, I'm supposed to save him!
No!
It's my life debt!
You're crazy!
You're so crazy! 
Aah!
Aah!
It's all right!
I'm okay!
Eww!
St!
Don't worry, Stan.
I'm going to take you to the hospital.
No, I need to save him!
Damn it, Roger!
Take him to a hospital!
Franny, we've been over this.
I can't take Stan to a hospital because then a doctor would save him.
To restore the life debt, I have to save him.
This is crazy!
Well, I think you're crazy.
See? 
Isn't that hurtful?
You son of a bitch!
I'm going to rip your throat out!
Oh, okay. 
It always ends with you being a potty mouth, so I'm hanging up.
Roger?
I had a crazy dream.
I was at the zoo and...
Oh, my God!
Don't worry.
I'm saving your life.
I've got a special salve that'll make your legs grow back.
We just have to get to my fanny pack in Area 51.
Area 51?
!
Roger, take me to a hospital!
I'm bleeding to death!
Which is exactly why we don't have time to argue.
We have to get you to Area 51 and there's not a moment to spare.
♪ ♪
Anybody have a giant pad of butter?
♪ ♪
We made it!
Now, use your CIA credentials to get us past the front gate and...
Stan?
Looks like it's up to me.
Identification, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Good-bye, sir.
That's a very nice bird, sir.
Sir, you're cleared to enter the base.
You don't have to keep showing me things you can do.
Steve, look, about yesterday...
No, you did the right thing.
Just be careful doing the announcements, okay?
The power of the microphone-- it-it... it changes you.
Don't worry, buddy.
No stupid announcements are going to change me.
I do the announcements!
I am the second coming!
I speak for God now!
Schmuley!
Barry, you're doing the announcements now.
Ah.
You , you're gonna do what I say or I will put my foot so far up your , you will rue the day you crawled out of your mother's !
Barry!
I made a swear.
All right, that's it.
We're not doing daily announcements anymore.
All of you just get out of here.
Damn kids.
Sometimes I think I should have just stayed in Peru moving coke.
Machado was a cold bastard, but he was good to his men.
And once you drew blood for him, you were set.
Hooch, blow, girls-- not women, girls.
Little bitty things.
Brian!
Oh, me!
Roger?
It's okay, Stan.
We're inside Area 51, and I think I know exactly where to find my fanny pack.
Just take me to a hospital.
Ugh, you are a broken record.
That must be where my fanny pack is.
I knew it.
Hello, beautiful.
Stay with me, Stan.
Roger?
I feel... better.
A lot better.
I feel like... 
Oh!
Don't worry. 
They'll grow to full size, but it takes a few hours, so you're going to have to do the baby leg thing for a little while.
Roger, you... saved my life.
And you owe me a life debt again.
Guess you'll have to kick Andy Dick out and let me move back in.
Scientists!
Hey, guys, I'm glad you're here.
We got separated from our tour group.
I'm safari man Hubert LeGrange and this is my sidekick Wheelbarrow Tim,
AKA Babylegs O'Hurlihan.
No, you're an alien, and that's your picture.
Damn it! 
Run, Stan!
Get 'em!
They're gaining on us!
Damn baby legs.
Can't turn.
Have to jump it.
Yes.
I think we lost 'em.
Roger!
Aw, crap, you saved my life.
Isn't that good?
No. 
That means we're even on life debts again.
I wanted you to owe me, so...
Never mind.
I'll look for another room to rent.
No, Roger, don't.
Look, I didn't even remember the life debt until Hayley brought it up.
I just didn't want to admit that I... 
like having you around.
What about Andy Dick?
You were doing a lot of cool stuff with him.
I saw you hold his nose until he spit out that Band-Aid he found on the sidewalk.
Andy Dick bugs the crap out of me.
You bug the crap out of me too, but, well... with you it's different.
And I want you to move back in.
Oh, Staniel, you love me!
Oh, man, I can't wait to move back home.
We just have to figure out how to get rid of Andy Dick.
Go get the pills, boy.
Punch it!
Smart throwing him those drugs.
Actually they were Tic Tacs.
Smarter.
Um, Stan, Andy Dick's running after us.
What? 
I'm going 55.
He's catching up to us.
Faster, Stan.
He's gonna get us.
Why didn't you give him real drugs?
You fool!
You've killed us both!
Oh, no, he's... passing us?
Oh, yeah, he's robbing a pharmacy.
We're okay.
We're gonna be okay.
Bye! 
Have a beautiful time.

[Radio static]
This is captain Jackson.
Status?
All quiet, sir.
Nothing to report.
All right.
Hold your positions till further notice.
[Growls]
Here he comes!
[Growls]
Engage the enemy.
[Growling]
This isn't working.
[Machinery clanking]
Hey, pops, what's the point of patching all this stuff up?
[Country music playing on radio]
What?
Half the stuff doesn't work.
The other half keeps breaking down.
I mean, you'd think a big oil company would let loose a few bucks, keep everything nice and tidy.
I think it's all that chemical gunk they keep pouring down the shaft.
That's what's mucking everything up.
You know, I hear that stuff literally eats away at the rock, disintegrates it.
Just having the stuff on the rig makes me nervous, let alone pouring it into the ocean.
[Whirring]
Ah, there they go.
They're getting ready to pour that gunk down the shaft again.
At the rate they're going,
I'm surprised they haven't busted clean through to China by now.
[Static on radio, alarm blaring]
Ah, there it goes.
Oh, man.
[Rumbling]
[Roars]
What's happening?
I don't know.
I think something busted.
Maybe we did break through to China.
Whoa!
Oh, God. 
We gotta get out of here!
Whuhh!
[Crew yelling]
I'm standing outside treymar industries, where there is much speculation today concerning the sudden collapse of their offshore oil platform nautilus, which was operating just 10 Miles from the California coast.
What information do we have to go on at this point?
Well, um... [Chuckles]
Our scientists believe that an underwater earthquake might have actually triggered the collapse.
At this point, obviously it's too early to tell, but seismologists have indeed confirmed that there was activity in that area.
It's obviously a terrible tragedy.
What do you think the impact of this accident will have on the ecosystem?
Well, Tracey, I'm by no means a biologist, but I firmly believe that there'll be little, if any ecological footprint as a result of this accident.
Given recent events, how can an assessment like that be made this early?
Suffice it to say I have it on very good authority.
Thank you.
Thank you.
This is Tracey read reporting from outside treymar industries.
Harvey scales:
* super shark
* super shark * super shark
* super shark
* as bad as can be * on the land and on the sea * * super shark
* I know he's bad
deejay: 
Good morning, cats and kittens.
This is dy-ynamite Stevens, and we gonna have the surf report right after the news.
But first I want to tell you about the big celebration.
It is gonna be sensational, and yours truly, dynamite Stevens, will be there.
We're going to have a big queen of the beach bikini contest, brought to you by the dockside bar and grill.
So, girls, we want to see you out there.
That's right, ladies.
I want you to be there or be bare.
Tyler.
Well, well.
Look what the tide brought in.
Hello, Greg.
It's been a while.
You look great.
You look the same.
Hi, Tyler.
Morning, cali.
Guys, it's summertime, and when school lets out, this beach is gonna fill up fast.
When I say you need to be here at 8:00, you need to be here at 7:45.
I'm sorry.
It won't happen again.
What's your excuse, Greg?
I, uh, just got into town yesterday.
I think I was a little jet-lagged.
All right, well, since you never worked here in the summer, you're in for a real treat.
I think I'm up for it.
Good. 
Greg, I see that you're certified and on the swim team.
You know, a lot of problems can be avoided if you just know how to talk to people.
I understand that.
I get on well with people.
See that you do.
Um, I want you to take the South beach past those rocks over there.
There's a lot of surfers.
Current's strong.
Please be careful.
Understood.
Cali, you and I are gonna take the, uh, north beach over there past the caves.
It's 8:25 right now.
Um, shift ends at 2:00.
Check back with me before you, um, leave, and turn in your walkies.
Everybody good to go?
Ready as I can be.
Me, too.
Let's go.
Greg is cute.
What school does he go to?
Sc.
How do you know?
He spent last summer here.
Ah. 
Is he and you...
No. 
No, we are not an item.
Good.
Think he's my type.
Everybody's your type.
Yeah.
[Camera clicking]
Man on radio:
Jill, pick up the horn, will you?
Jill.
Go ahead, Rick.
Is everything okay?
Yeah, everything's fine.
I think we found a lobster.
Well, what do you want me to do?
Get the lobster basket and drop it overboard.
Anything else?
Just look beautiful when I come back.
I'm working on it.
See you soon.
[Growls]
[Growls]
Hey, I think I saw a nurse shark up ahead.
Boy, I'd love to get a shot of that.
Let me get up there and see if he wants his picture taken.
Guess he's the shy type.
Maybe we can spot another.
Where there's one shark, there's usually another.
[Shark growls]
What the hell was that?
I don't know.
I didn't get a good look at it.
Might have been a whale.
Maybe it's just curious.
Or hungry.
Jill, come in.
Rick, you're interfering with my tan.
Something big just swam by us.
Do you see anything?
Nothing.
Are you almost done?
Yeah.
We're heading back.
[Static]
Uh...
Rick.
Rick, there's something wrong with the radio.
[Static stops]
[Growls]
Uh, Rick.
Come on.
[Growls]
Oh, God. 
Oh, my God.
Rick.
Rick! 
Rick!
Can you hear me?
!
Rick!
[Gasps] Rick, can you hear me?
!
Rick! 
Rick, there's a shark!
[Roars]
[Growls]
There's a shark!
There's...
Rick!
[Roars] [Screams]
[Calling]
Skipper Chuck.
I saw your ad in the paper.
Sorry about that.
I was just daydreaming about an angel.
Is this you?
That's me.
Welcome aboard.
Nice boat.
Only thing the wife left me.
So you live onboard?
Like I said.
How much to hire the boat?
I like that in a woman.
You don't mess around.
You get right to the point.
How much?
I guess that depends on where you're going.
I want to go here.
Isn't that...
That's right.
I want you to take me to where the treymar oil platform went down.
Whoa, whoa.
Take that back.
That entire area's off limits.
I can't go there.
I'm Dr. Katherine Carmichael, oceanic investigation bureau.
This badge'll get us past anyone who stands in our way.
Besides, I only want to go to the edge of the quarantined area.
How much?
I don't know.
100 bucks an hour.
3-hour minimum.
Wait.
Why me? 
Hmm?
Why didn't you just get the coast guard to take you out there?
They've got enough problems.
Cash work for you?
Make yourself at home.
Thank you.
Hey, doc.
Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?
Money talks, skipper.
That's what's wrong with the world.
Don't spare the gas.
Don't worry.
I got plenty of that.
Cali: 
So far, so easy.
Yeah, wait a week.
Change is coming.
Yeah. 
There will be more boys and more girls.
Who needs the competition?
Come on, cali.
What's sexier than a beautiful lifeguard in a styling red swimsuit?
Does make you stand out in a crowd.
Yeah, people take notice.
It represents authority.
Guys like that.
You think Greg could go for me?
Why don't you ask him?
I could never.
I wouldn't know what to say.
How 'bout, "you want to get with this?"
Shut up.
Besides, I saw the way he looked at you.
Okay, yeah, we had a thing last summer, but it didn't work out.
I'm over him, like so, so over him.
So just go for it.
Are you sure?
Look, it's your birthday this weekend, right?
Let's just start the party early.
We'll go down to the dockside, have a few drinks tonight.
I'll invite Greg, and you guys can get to know each other.
Would you? 
I mean, that would be great.
Consider it done.
[Chuckles]
[Growls]
[Growls]
[Roars]
Can we get any closer?
Doc, we're already at the edge of the quarantine area.
Badge or no badge, this is as far as I go.
I'm not about to risk my license or my boat for you.
I understand.
Besides...
There's nothing to see.
There isn't even an oil slick or anything.
Yeah, that is kind of weird there's no oil out here.
Just 'cause you don't see anything doesn't mean there's nothing there.
We can go now.
Aye, aye.
This is very impressive.
Now what can I do for you?
I've already told the authorities everything we know about the nautilus rig failure.
We have our own internal investigation ongoing, and there are also other agencies looking into it as well.
I know, and now I've joined the party.
So what do you want from me?
We've been totally cooperative.
Everyone else seems satisfied that we're doing everything we can, and there was no major oil spillage during the accident.
Oil isn't the only thing that pollutes the water.
What's your point?
The waters where the nautil went down are loaded with chemicals.
Well, that's to be expected when an accident like this happens.
A lot of people lost their lives in that accident.
Some of our very best men were on that rig when it went down, and some of those men were very good friends of mine.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Did you receive any radio communication from the rig as the accident was actually happening?
Yes.
What did it say?
It was pure panic.
I'd like to hear the recording.
There is no recording.
It was a live transmission to our land facility, which was not recording at the time.
Isn't that convenient?
So you're a, uh...
you're a marine biologist, correct?
That's right.
Deep-sea drilling executive's natural enemy.
Don't get defensive.
I was just curious.
Now, listen.
We're very, very proud of our environmental record.
I would like to help you.
I really would.
I happen to love fish.
Broiled or pan-fried?
Sushi, actually.
Me, too.
[Telephone rings]
Excuse me.
Yeah. 
This is wade.
Okay. 
Yeah.
Yeah.
Look, I-I'm sorry.
I have an important conference call.
That's all right.
I just have a few more questions.
Hang on.
How about you have an early dinner with me tonight or a drink?
I can answer the rest of your questions and maybe even prove to you that not every oilman is a moustache-twirling villain.
Drinks. 
Early.
Then we'll talk about dinner.
It's right on the beach.
You can't miss it.
There's a beautiful view from the balcony.
6 P.M.
You're on. 6 P.M.
All right.
Yeah. 
Wade here.
[Growls]
Quitting time.
[Growling]
There's Greg.
Cool your jets, Kelly.
You don't want to appear too eager.
Hey. 
How was your first day?
No complaints.
You in a rush to get out of here?
Me? 
No.
Why? 
What were you thinking?
Well, it's cali's birthday on Saturday, and we were thinking about starting the celebration a little early.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, like later this afternoon, 4:00, down at the dockside.
You want to join us?
Yeah, sure.
Sounds like fun.
Thanks.
Yeah, well, uh, guess I'll see you guys later then, huh?
Bye, Greg.
[Mocking] "Bye, Greg."
Knock it off, big shot.
Uh, I'm looking for Dr. Miller.
You found him.
Oh. 
I'm, uh, Dr. Carmichael.
What can I do for you, doctor?
Actually, I was hoping to speak with one of your patients.
The survivor of the oil rig accident.
You know, is this absolutely necessary?
That guy's been through a lot.
Heh. 
I understand your concern, doctor, but I wouldn't be here if it wasn't extremely important.
As the only survivor, he might hold the key to what actually happened that night.
Has he said anything?
No.
[P.A.] Paging Dr. sabin.
Dr. sabin, please.
Dr. Carmichael.
This is Mr. Jenkins.
Coffee?
Sure.
Thanks.
I wanted to ask you what happened on the oil rig.
What kind of doctor you say you were?
I'm a marine biologist.
I'm worried about what the nautilus disaster did to the ocean's ecosystem.
A fish doctor.
That's right.
Not one of those docs that studies your mind, makes people think you're crazy.
No. 
I'm not one of those.
I went out to the site, and I didn't find any oil in the water.
Do you know why that is?
'Cause we hadn't hit oil yet.
I mean, we were scheduled to three weeks ago, but we hit some kind of rock we never dealt with before, couldn't break through.
I did find a lot of unusual chemicals in the water.
You know I can't talk to you about that.
Really?
Why is that?
The company will have my head.
I'm not just a fish doctor.
I'm also an investigator with the oib.
You can either tell me what treymar was putting in the water, or we'll have your head before your boss ever gets to it.
Well, like I said, we hit some hard rock, harder than anything we ever hit.
That's when they started pumping the stuff down the shaft to break up the rock.
What was in it?
I don't know.
They never used it before last week.
They shipped it in from the plant.
It was some powerful stuff.
Is that why the platform collapsed?
I'll deny I told you any of this, but you being a fish doctor and all, well, maybe you'll believe me.
Something big came out the sea, something real big.
It jumped up, grabbed the crane...
And then pulled the rig right over.
If I hadn't gotten to that lifeboat, well...
I got lucky.
Heh. 
What was it?
I've never said this...
But it was a shark.
[Gasps]
A frigging giant shark.
[Nervous laugh]
Yeah, see, and the way you're looking at me right now, it's why I didn't tell those head doctors anything.
I don't want to be locked up in a loony bin.
You just went through a really traumatic experience. 
I mean, with all that was going on, don't you think you might have mistaken some falling machinery for something else?
[Laughs]
You know what, doc?
I'm just fooling you.
Hey, there's no such thing as a giant shark.
I was just telling what I thought you wanted to hear, you being a fish doctor and all.
I'm gonna go back to the room and watch some TV.
[Sonar pings]
[Ping]
This is USS Santa mira to San Diego command requesting satcom weather conditions.
Copy, Santa mira.
Stand by to receive satcom weather data.
10 degrees on the down bubble.
Aye. 10 degrees down bubble.
Steady as she goes.
[Aloha 'oe instrumental playing]
Mr. Stewart.
Aye, captain?
I understand that we're almost fully automated here and that you have nothing better to do than push a few buttons, but do you think you could play something a little more inspiring?
You're putting the crew to sleep.
Sorry, captain.
I guess I've still got Honolulu on my mind.
I understand.
Now, if you don't mind...
Yes, sir.
Stone-cold inspiration coming right up.
Thank you.
Another deployment.
Another round of drills, drills, more drills.
Don't start complaining, or we'll find a nice spot out in the persian Gulf for you.
[Country music playing]
Be careful what you wish for.
Yes, sir. 
It's just I'd like to experience something new, something exciting.
Well, we're having the chef's surprise for dinner tonight.
[Console beeps]
Captain, I'm getting something.
Identify.
I can't.
It's ahead of us, same depth.
Underwater Mountain range?
Can't tell yet.
Well, we better move it up just in case.
Two degrees on the up bubble.
Two degrees up bubble.
[Console beeps]
Make it five degrees up bubble.
Five degrees up bubble.
[Beeps]
It's rising with us, captain.
Might be something organic, some kind of drifting debris.
[Growls]
[Alarm blaring]
What the hell was that?
Did we hit something?
I don't know, captain.
Wrong answer, Carmichael.
Find out.
Aye, aye, sir.
Well?
It... i think it's some kind of seismic disturbance, a big one.
An earthquake?
Could be.
Captain, telemetry's coming in.
Undersea activity, it's off the charts.
No kidding.
General quarters.
General quarters.
All hands, man your battle stations.
Careful what you wish for.
[Roars]
Sound the collision alarm.
I have a contact.
What? 
Identify?
No corresponding signal.
No sound wave match.
Whatever it is, it's headed straight toward us.
Is it a sub?
No, sir, but it's almost as big as we are.
Status?
Five seconds.
All hands, brace for impact.
Son of a... [roars]
Acquire torpedo lock.
It's moving too fast and changing direction every second.
I can't get a lock.
Do your best.
Flood torpedo tubes one and two.
Flooding torpedo tubes one and two.
Well?
Got it.
Fire torpedoes one and two.
Firing torpedoes one and two.
[Beeping]
[Growls]
[Growling]
Target dead ahead and moving fast.
What the hell is it?
Whatever it is, it's coming back.
Dear God.
[Growling]
[Piano music playing]
Told you I had a nice view.
You weren't kidding.
Must have cost a pretty penny.
Ah, just one of the dividends of hard work.
Sure.
Look, Ms. Carmichael...
Call me Kat.
Kat?
Really? 
Kat?
Fish.
Kat fish.
Funny, but not original.
Why are you so hostile?
I mean, come on.
Do you actually think that when I was a little kid,
I wanted to grow up and be an oilman?
Okay, so what'd you want to be?
Cowboy.
[Imitates pistol]
[Laughs]
But you have to admit this pays a whole lot better.
Can I interest you in a lobster cocktail?
Lobster?
Caught right out here in the bay.
Oh. 
Uh, I think I'll pass.
Oh, you're acting like you think it might be poison or something.
It might be.
Let me show you something.
Nice kitchen.
Thanks.
This is a sample of water I took this morning from the site where the rig went down.
You're not gonna drink that?
Heh. 
No way.
Do you know what this means?
I have no idea what this means.
Why don't you tell me?
It means there's potassium feldspar in the water where the rig went down.
Okay.
Potassium feldspar is a mineral.
When mixed with acidic water, it hydrolyzes into kalinite plus quartz plus potassium hydroxide.
Yeah. 
Look, I'm just kind of a, uh, front-office sort of a guy.
I'm not a scientist.
What are you talking about?
It's a formula that's used to create a chemical weathering agent, something that breaks down rock surfaces, like those that form the foundation of your oil platform.
I'm still not following you.
[Chuckles] All right.
Let me see if I can put this together for you.
Please.
Your drill hit solid rock.
You can't break through, so you pour a hydrolyzing agent down the shaft.
To break through the rock, but you used too much, and it causes the foundation of your platform to crumble.
Hang on.
D-don't go to...
The platform collapses in a self-made earthquake, dozens of people die, and the poison's in the ocean.
And you're telling me that you can tell all that from one little test strip?
All that.
I think you're speculating.
And I think you're scared.
Goodbye.
Hang on a second.
I would never intentionally do anything to hurt that rig.
I had a lot of...
I know. 
You had friends out there.
I feel sorry for them.
You better get over here right away.
We need to talk.
Afc, this is Sierra Romeo one niner.
Sierra Romeo one niner, this is afc.
Go ahead.
Nothing to report, sir.
No sign of the Santa mira.
[Sighs] I don't get it.
A United States submarine just doesn't disappear.
This one has.
How much longer can you maintain your search?
30 minutes till bingo fuel.
All right.
Keep searching, and report back in 30 minutes.
Roger that.
[Beeping]
Hang on, sir.
I think I've got something.
Is it the Santa mira?
No, sir.
Well, what is it?
You're not gonna believe this.
Try me.
[Music playing]
Easy on the mai tais, cali.
Last time I checked, you weren't exactly a heavy hitter.
I'm just nervous.
You know how I get around boys.
Yeah.
I wonder where Greg is.
Oh, he'll be here.
He always did like to make a late entrance.
[Microphone feedback]
Yo, Felix, how'd it sound?
I want to do a test-out for the crowd.
100...
Oh, there he is.
99, 97, 9... wait.
I missed the 98.
98. 
Does it sound good?
Hey.
Looks like you guys got started without me.
Ah, sometimes it's hard to get a table here, so we got here a little early.
Yeah, I always liked this place.
You girls hang out here a lot?
It's the only place we can afford.
[Laughs]
Well, you and I had some good times here.
Do you spend all your summers at the bay?
Yeah. 
My, uh, grandparents are out of town, so I'm watching their place.
The, uh, lifeguard gig was just icing on the cake.
Lucky you.
Speaking of cake,
I, uh, got you a little early birthday present.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
But thank you.
Do you like it?
I absolutely love it.
It's handmade.
I got it down at the, uh, boardwalk.
So you, um, have the whole house to yourself?
Yeah. 
Just, um...
Me and the dogs.
Dynamite: 
Hey, everybody.
I'm dy-y-ynamite Stevens, ladies and gentlemen.
Whoo!
Aw, you must. [Laughs]
And I'm here at the dockside bar  grill and we are going to be hosting, cats, the queen of the beach bikini contest today.
Yes, it is.
[Whistles]
Yeah, man.
Whoo whoo!
Bring 'em up!
Yeah, you know what it's about!
I don't have to tell y'all.
Y'all know.
Ha ha ha! 
And we got the grand prize, which will be...
A free calendar shoot on the beach and a grand prize money winner of $1,000.
[Laughing]
Now let's find out who the most finest girl in this place is.
Let's bring that girl up here right now.
Girls, come on up here.
Let's see what you got.
Shake it and make it, girl.
You got to shake me!
Shake and bake.
No chicken.
This is sirloin, baby.
That's what I'm talking 'bout.
Yeah, 'cause she's happening.
Whoo!
Oh, my goodness. 
Uhh.
Whoo!
Lady in red! 
Whah!
What else we got?
We got somebody... this girl.
Whoo. 
I don't know if my heart can stand this anymore.
Baby, what y'all think?
Ah, show 'em your stuff, girl. 
You roll.
Whoo hoo!
We loves everybody, but somebody gotta go.
This one's beautiful, but we can't have too much beauty.
Thank you for coming.
And now let's see what else we got.
I need another young lady up here right now.
Now, this is serious.
I ain't playing around.
This is the big cham-pag-nee right here.
This girl's... she's all right.
We likes her. 
What about...
I need me another twirl up here right now.
Who's out here wanting to come up?
Maybe they can take over the contest.
I think they are playing my song.
What are you talking about?
If I can win that cash prize, my summer will be golden.
Crazy.
She's impulsive, all right.
Shy one minute.
Wild child the next.
Next we got up here...
Oh, come on, girl.
You gotta show a little something-something, girl.
You gotta... yeah, baby.
A little skin wins the yin-Yang.
Yeah.
She's all that and a bag of chips. 
Wow.
She looks pretty good up there.
You like her?
Yeah, she's nice, but, I, uh...
Like you more.
Baby, some hot and mustardy.
What do we still think about this lady over here?
Yeah. 
She's all right.
And then... whoo!
Well, all right.
You want her to leave, let's run it.
Thank you so much for coming out tonight.
Now we gonna move some over here.
I said thank you so much.
Who next coming in here?
Right now we need somebody else to come up on this stage.
Holy chalupa!
Wow!
Whoo!
Yabbo hubba hubba!
Free tacos for everybody!
Whoo hoo!
That's too much for me, girl!
Roger, I don't understand why you're so rattled.
I mean, you act as if this were the first time that any oil company was ever suspected of wrongdoing.
It's a cost of doing business.
Yeah, but it's not really suspected.
It's more like an accusation.
Of what?
Of using a chemical weathering agent?
Of causing your own platform to collapse?
Yes.
Nobody uses a chemical weathering agent for drilling purposes.
I did.
And whatever gave you an idea to try something like that?
Oh, hell, I don't know.
One of the engineers suggested it.
It didn't seem like it was gonna hurt anything, so I gave him the go-ahead.
And it worked?
Yeah, it worked great, worked too well.
Well, that may be something we're gonna have to look into later on, but right now, your job is to deny everything.
When caught cheating, deny, deny, deny.
I know.
I read the handbook, but... but she...
She knows.
Knows what?
I mean, you think that this dog-and-pony show with a glass of water and a slice of lemon is gonna prove anything?
You worry too much.
Ah... i don't know.
She seemed awfully sure of herself.
All right, look, Roger, if you're that worried, think about it.
The best defense is always a good offense.
Throw a little money around and see if you can't dig up something on this Dr. Carmichael.
Maybe there's a chink in her armor.
It's worth a try.
Ah, maybe you're right.
Finish her off before she finishes us.
Cali.
How could you?
I'm sorry.
It just happened.
But you're my friend.
Cali, he wasn't into you.
He only came because he wanted to be with me.
That's not true.
It is true.
I'm sorry, but it is.
You always get everything you want.
You get the job you want, the boy you want.
I didn't want Greg.
I was over him.
At least, I thought I was.
Like I said, it just happened.
Why can't I be more like you?
I wish I was dead.
[Growls]
[Screams]
[Screams]
Dynamite: 
All right, guys, these girls are working hard for you.
Let us know what you want.
That's it.
This one over there.
There you go.
And how 'bout this one?
Jazzy wazzy.
[Cheering]
And how 'bout this one? 
Wow.
Yeah. 
Let 'em know.
Thank you.
Let us see some stuff in here.
[Cheering]
Yeah, guys. 
Let me know what you think of these girls up here.
They're working hard. 
Whoo!
And this one right here.
Sirloin beef over here.
This is serious.
That's right.
And the lobster of the tail, and this one here.
Oh, my goodness.
That's good. 
The... whoa!
Come on!
Yeah!
Want to hear it for...
That's it.
And how about for this lady jazz over here?
And look at kylee. 
Whoo!
Get an eyeful?
Doc. 
What's up?
Hey, buy a guy a drink?
You've got plenty of cash.
You buy.
Bourbon, rocks.
What she said, Jake.
Bourbon, rocks.
You got it.
What's going on?
You busy?
Made a few house calls.
Somebody sick? 
[Laughs]
They're gonna be.
Dynamite: 
Lookity here.
That's what I'm talking about. 
Hey, there.
You see, captain?
Whoa.
Becky lebeau:
* your eyes...
See you tomorrow morning?
Tomorrow morning?
What for?
We're going fishing.
Uh, okay.
W-where are you staying tonight?
I live in my car.
Give me a double, Jake.
Now it's my turn.
Let me jump up in here.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, kits and cats and cats and kadoodles, we have already tallied up the votes, and all these ladies are beautiful.
Let's have a hand for everybody that was on the show tonight.
Bring 'em all out here.
They're beautiful.
Bring 'em all up here.
And keep those hands a-flappin' as I announce the winner.
Jazzy!
She's all right.
[Cheering]
Whoo! 
Aw, man!
I want to be in a symphony with jazz, baby.
Whoo hoo!
But everybody's good.
That's what I was talking about.
[Calling]
Where is everybody?
This is interesting.
This is very, very interesting.
Good job.
You did a great job here.
Yeah. 
You know, for a minute there, she almost had me.
Tell you what I want you to do.
I want you to go to the bank, and I want you to cash this check for me.
Bring all that money right back here to my office.
Big bills are fine.
Actually, big bills are better, more impressive.
Now scoot.
Oh, if only I had a moustache to twirl.
They never learn.
First the air and then the water.
Doc.
Got my fish finder plugged in to your laptop.
Want to come take a look?
Good work, Chuck.
You'd make someone a great assistant someday.
You know, I was thinking exactly the same thing about you.
After you.
You sure this is up and running?
Positive.
There's nothing on the scope.
Yeah?
Here.
Watch your hand.
There's not a single fish, no living thing.
It's impossible.
Now, I have never seen anything like that before.
I can radio one of my buddies and see if they got anything.
That's a good idea.
Do it.
Sea spray, sea spray, this is blue moon.
Over.
Sea spray, you out there, buddy?
This is sea spray.
What's up, skipper?
Yeah, Phil, I think my fish finder might be on the blink.
You guys got anything over there?
Not a thing, like all the fish are on vacation.
Same here. 
Stand by.
Chuck, I-I've got something.
Look at the size of that thing.
Is that a whale?
No. 
It's not.
And it's circling the boat.
Hey, Phil, you see what I'm seeing?
[Static]
Phil?
Phil, are you out there?
Chuck, come quick!
[Static]
Ah, that radio's going haywire.
W-what is...
Kill the radio.
What?
Do it.
Why?
Kill the radio!
Okay!
Go!
I am!
[Growls]
That thing was a monster.
That was the biggest damn shark I've ever seen in my life.
You sure that was even a shark?
Yeah. 
It was a shark.
Where you think it's gone?
I don't know.
I... but I think it was attracted to the radio waves, and in return, it was emitting its own plasmonic signal that...
That caused the radio to go crazy.
Whoa, whoa.
Plas-whatsit?
Plasmonics.
Certain fish are capable of sending out their own hydronic radio waves as a means of communication.
I mean, this guy lost interest in us when we stopped broadcasting.
So what do you want to do now?
Let's get out of here.
I hate sharks.
Dynamite:
Mermaids and mermen, this is dy-y-y-namite Stevens, booting out 50,000 watts on k80, the powerfulest radio station in America.
I just want to take a brief timeout to give a shout-out to our queen of the beach winner and the runner up, who are currently on the beach shooting their sexy, sexy photo shoot.
And, women, remember this.
Tan lines are for quitters.
Dy-y-y-nomite.
Okay, we got, uh, sun.
We got sand.
We got hot babes.
Let's shoot some film.
How's this?
That is beautiful.
Just like that.
Just, uh...
Different and better.
Like this?
Nice. 
Very nice.
Becky lebeau:
* it would be funny * for you to hurt me * don't do nothin' stupid with my love * * whoa, oh, oh * don't do nothin' stupid with my love * * baby, baby, don't you dare *
* don't you do it
* now, don't you go around * saying things * saying things * you don't want catching up to you * * ooh
* 'cause I know some birdies * * that love to sing
* and no one wants to * no one wants to * find out what I'll do * don't do nothin'...
All right, uh, Jessica, I need you to move in just a little bit.
Jazzy.
Yeah, I don't care what your name is, babe.
Just move in.
All right, get a little bit closer to Tammy there.
I love it.
Get a little closer.
Okay, are we doing it right?
You're definitely doing it right.
A little bit closer.
Put your faces together.
[Both giggle]
Just like that.
And lean in and give her a nice, wet kiss.
What?
I don't think so.
Oh, come on.
Get real.
All right.
Well, I tried.
Okay, uh, let's turn around and get a little sand in the background.
* once love goes, it's gone * * don't you let me go [static]
Girls, how hard is it to stand there and look pretty?
What is that?
Girls, come on.
It's a shark.
I don't care what it is.
Let's just get out of here.
Contrary to popular belief, sharks can't come on land, so as long as we stay out of the water, we're gonna be just fine.
Nothing to worry about.
Say cheese.
[Screaming]
[Growls]
I didn't expect to see you back quite so soon.
I'm glad you came by.
Guess we still have a few things left to discuss.
We do.
Why don't I go first?
There might actually be something to what you say about the rig using a hydrolyzing agent in the shaft.
Maybe we did go too far.
Now, I'm not saying I know who was behind it, but when I find out, I promise you there will be consequences.
Of that, I'm sure.
Yeah.
Little something else I learned.
You're not actually an oib agent at all.
Not even close.
In fact, they kicked you out over 6 months ago.
I took an extended leave of absence.
Not what it says here.
I don't care what it says there.
Really?
Now let's see.
It says here that you had a kid brother who was killed in the exvil oil tanker collision 2 years ago off Alaska.
It says that ever since then, you've been harassing oil companies, and it appears you're on some kind of a personal vendetta.
Should I go on?
Why not?
Great.
It says that you made a string of reckless accusations that placed the oceanic investigation bureau in a very embarrassing position that subsequently led to your termination.
They weren't reckless.
[Chuckles] Well, I'm sorry, but impersonating a government agent in order to harass and intimidate a civilian can wind you up in jail.
I'd have a lot of company.
Look, Kat fish,
I like you.
We don't need any trouble between us.
I don't believe the hydrolyzing agent caused the rig to collapse.
I think it was an earthquake, just like they said.
I truly believe that.
What's that?
It's money.
Look, I want you to take this money out into the world and do some good with it.
Okay? 
I want you to go to Alaska.
I want you to go to Japan.
I want you to go anywhere you want and weave your magic on some other environmental bad guy, 'cause believe me, I'm not the one you're looking for.
I wish I could believe you, but you'd lie about what you had for breakfast.
Not unless it was an endangered species.
Come on.
I did not destroy my own rig.
I believe you there.
The chemical weathering agent did cause the earthquake, and it did poison the water, but it didn't destroy the platform.
That's what I came here to tell you.
What?
Your rig was destroyed by a giant shark.
Not one of your oil buddies, but a real giant shark.
Thanks for the money.
That's one big-ass shark.
[Music playing]
Knee-deep in happy hour?
Did you know what that bastard called me?
What?
Kat fish.
Kat fish.
The nerve.
[Mouthing words]
[Mouths word]
Well, Kat fish, let's see you and me swim over to a table, okay?
Jake, you have any coffee?
Got some fresh.
Thanks, buddy.
Come on. 
Up, up.
You bet.
There you go.
Slide in.
Scooch around.
Scooch. 
Scooch.
There you go.
You good?
I'm a fake.
A fake?
I'm not really an agent for the oib.
I used to be one, but they fired me.
Now I just pretend to be one.
Is that so?
I got a little excited and ruffled some feathers.
Thank you, Jake.
No trouble.
Watch yourself.
Hey, don't leave this.
All right.
Thanks very much.
Watch yourself.
There's your bag.
See this young man?
Mm-hmm.
It's my brother Jimmy.
He's dead now.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
What happened?
Was it an accident?
He was on the exvil oil tanker when it went down.
Yeah, that was terrible.
Yeah.
Some might have survived, except for the sharks.
They said there were sharks everywhere.
Which explains why a marine biologist doesn't like sharks.
They're just like oil companies...
Mindless eating machines.
And I made a vow to myself that I would ruin everyone responsible for Jimmy's death.
Somewhere along the way, the lines got blurred just to what I could and couldn't get away with.
So they got rid of me.
But you're still fighting 'em.
I don't have anything to lose.
Except my dinner.
[Chuckles]
[Groans]
Unsubstantiated accounts are beginning to filter into the newsroom from surrounding beach communities.
They're reporting a new kind of shark, one that can walk around on dry land.
Oh, and one more thing, it's as big as a whale.
Apparently the new city ordinance that prohibits drinking on public beaches isn't having quite the impact local officials had hoped for.
This in spite of predictions that the upcoming fourth of July celebration is going to be one of the largest turnouts in the beach's history.
I don't care how many feathers you ruffle along the way.
You keep those troops deployed on every beach that I specified.
No one makes a move except on my orders.
No. 
No, I don't know if this is the real deal or not, but until I find out otherwise, we're gonna play this safe.
Colonel Caldwell.
Captain Marshall, anything to report?
One of the airborne units captured this photo.
So it is a shark.
Yes, sir, a giant shark.
All right. 
Let's go.
Captain Brody.
Status?
Standing by.
Good. 
Captain Brody, let's get some planes in the air.
Copy that.
Base, this is Charlie tango one taxiing to runway 17, ready for takeoff.
Roger that, Charlie tango one.
You're cleared for takeoff.
You're assigned flight pattern delta.
The remainder of your squadron will cover the rest of your grid.
You're ready to drop your payload as soon as you get the word.
Roger that, base.
We'll be ready.
You heard him, boys.
Stick to your assigned quadrant, and be ready.
This thing's a killer.
Roger that, skipper.
Let's keep our fingers crossed and hope we get lucky.
If it's still out there, they'll find it.
They say it came out of the water and walked on its fins.
It ate the queen of the beach.
[Chuck humming]
[Sighs]
Good morning.
What happened?
Well, you got dead drunk, and you passed out.
Where are my clothes?
Well, you threw up all over yourself, so I, uh...
Loaned you some of my stuff.
Uh...
We didn't...
No. 
No, we didn't.
Heh.
Didn't mean to be insulting.
I just...
Fair enough.
And you...
You weren't kidding about sleeping in your car.
I never kid.
Do you have my briefcase?
Yeah. 
It's right there above your head.
Heh.
That's a lot of money.
You peeked.
I peeked.
Couldn't help it.
Yeah.
It's a bribe from treymar industries to get me to go away.
Ah, I figured I was leaving anyways, so I took it.
Well, that is a very interesting ethical outlook.
Takes a lot of money to hassle the oil companies.
I figured they could help finance the crusade.
Oh, I, uh, washed your clothes.
Folded, too.
You're a pretty handy guy.
You'd be surprised.
We need to tell someone about the shark.
You know, everybody already knows.
It's all over the radio.
The army national guard has moved onto the surrounding beaches, and the public is being warned to stay clear, as a state of emergency has been decla...
Please, let's keep the radio off.
It's the one thing they don't know about, the radio.
Do you have my car?
Uh, yeah. 
Yeah, it's up in the parking lot.
Heh. 
Man, you're good.
I've been told.
[Radio beeps]
Sergeant Wilkins here.
This is captain Jackson.
Status?
All quiet, sir.
Nothing to report.
All right.
Hold your positions till further notice.
Yes, sir.
Wilkins out.
How'd you two get past the roadblock?
Dr. Katherine Carmichael, oceanic investigation bureau.
I have some important information you're gonna need to know if you want to kill this thing.
Okay. 
What do you got?
Have you spotted the shark?
Not yet, but it seems to like this beach.
We just don't know why.
I can tell you.
That right there, the radio tower.
That's what brings it here.
Radio tower?
It either loves it or hates it.
I'm not sure which, but it responds to radio waves.
That's crazy.
We've taken over the station temporarily for the emergency broadcasting system.
The transmitter just went back on the air five minutes ago.
That should be like ringing the dinner bell.
What are we gonna do if that thing comes back?
Pray.
Relax, roth.
We can handle this.
Morris, this is sergeant Wilkins.
You see anything?
All quiet here.
Not a fin or a flipper in sight.
All right.
Stay alert.
Hey, sarge, do you think that thing can really walk around out of water like they say he can?
I'd like to see it try.
[Growls] Whuhh!
[Rifle firing]
Fall back.
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
We need all our guys!
Hurry up!
Let's go!
It's here right now at cabo beach.
Reroute the airstrike.
Bring it in now.
Roger that.
Do it.
Copy that.
Proceeding to strike zone.
[Rifle firing on beach]
Come on, guys!
Light it up!
[Roaring]
Yeah! 
Fry his ass!
All right.
Way to go.
You need to contact the radio station, tell them to stop broadcasting.
This is captain Jackson.
Tell the men at the station to shut down that transmitter immediately.
That's right.
Cut it now.
This is Charlie tango one.
I am approaching strike zone.
Request instructions.
Permission to release ordnance granted, Charlie tango one.
Roger that.
[Chuckles]
Blow his ass up!
Let's throw another shark on the Barbie.
[Both laugh]
[Roars]
What the...
It flies.
That's bad.
I need a drink.
Let's get to it, gentlemen.
Gathered here are members of staff, government intelligence.
Let's get right to it, captain.
This is Dr. Carmichael.
She's an expert in marine biology.
She's already encountered this creature once on her own and lived to tell about it.
Her input could be crucial in devising our plan of attack.
This is my assistant Chuck.
Cheers.
Sharkskin, by its very nature, is tough and resilient.
And in the case of this particular specimen, it's almost armor-plated, bulletproof.
Conventional weapons have very little effect on it, except it did respond to being torched by the flamethrower.
Yeah.
How is that we've never seen anything like this creature before?
It has to be a prehistoric shark that's been extinct for millions of years, or so we thought.
Perhaps a variety of megalodon.
I suspect it's been in some kind of suspended animation.
So it's been what, hibernating?
In a manner of speaking.
Maybe the drill from the treymar oil rig broke through the rock into some kind of underwater chamber where the shark was preserved, but dormant.
It had a chance to take us out yesterday, and it swam away instead.
I have to believe it's because of the radio waves.
So you think it has something to do with radio sound waves?
I do believe that it responds to radio transmissions, and as the shark approaches, it emits its own plasmonic signal.
And what's a plasmonic signal?
It's a radio signal that some fish use to communicate with others.
In this case, it's a signal our shark sends out that interferes with other radio signals.
It makes the radio go haywire, okay?
It could serve as an advance warning, alerting us to an attack before it happens.
Exactly.
Now what about these reports that it...
Walks and flies?
Senator, there are at least four known species of fish that can walk using their pectoral fins, and there are several varieties of flying fish.
What we're seeing here is adaptive evolution, but on a much grander scale.
Bullets bounce off it, it walks around on its fins, and it flies. 
Really?
It's super shark.
Well, I think we might just have a little something that'll bring super shark down to earth in a hurry.
What is it?
Sorry. 
That's classified for the moment.
You'll all get to see it at the beach first thing in the morning.
Well, it had better work.
That beach has to be open by the time school gets out this weekend.
The local economy depends on it.
Now the clock is ticking here, people.
Dismissed.
[Waves crashing]
I don't think captain Jackson has anything up his sleeve that can kill this thing, not on the outside.
I don't know.
He seemed pretty confident.
Custer was confident.
I don't think they have any idea what they're facing.
So, what?
What do you suggest?
We attack it from the inside.
You mean like, uh, poison?
Poison or an explosive device.
You mess up anything on the inside, and it'll die, no matter how big it is.
Okay, look, I would just hate to see something happen to you. 
That's all.
Becky woo: * don't you, baby, don't you see? 
* * this is why...
I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you either.
You stick with me, and I'll make it worth your while.
I'm rich now.
And single.
That does sound pretty tempting.
* ...
About a thing * our love is like the sea
I'm not worried about the unit, Carter, and I think you're a great pilot.
You're gonna do fine.
I want you to wait till the shark comes to you.
Then give it everything you got, all right, son?
With pleasure, sir.
Push it.
Ah. 
Ohh.
There you go. 
Whoa.
Okay, careful.
Push. 
Push.
All right, good luck, Carter.
Thank you, sir.
Okay, care... careful.
Careful.
I promised Jake I'd get this back to the dockside bar in one piece.
So you lied.
Unh. 
Not yet.
Ohh. 
Okay.
That's it.
Morning, captain.
What's this all about?
Well, remember what I said yesterday about using the radio to better predict the attack?
Yes.
This is it.
You get the radio station to start broadcasting, and we listen to it through these speakers.
That way, we'll know the shark's coming.
Hope it works.
Hey, captain, what is that thing?
That's a special prototype tank designed to fight in the mountainous regions of Afghanistan.
It can literally walk across a hostile desert like an armor-plated camel.
A walking tank?
Walking tank for a walking shark.
Brilliant.
[Radio] Captain Jackson, come in.
Jackson.
Megatank is ready for deployment, sir.
Have it take up a position halfway between the lot and the water.
Then stand by for further orders.
Yes, sir.
This, I gotta see.
Would you look at that?
Capt. Jackson:
It's equipped with heavy artillery.
Hate to use it in a civilian area.
One stray shot...
Ah, we'll just have to be careful.
I'm sure the neighbors appreciate that, captain.
Kat, let's move this thing.
You ready?
Yo.
Watch your step.
Want to get that radio station broadcasting.
Is that thing almost ready?
Almost, captain.
Give me five more minutes.
Then have that station start pumping out some old-time rock-and-roll.
Well, we got dynamite Stevens at the station.
He can start broadcasting whenever we want.
Dy-y-ynamite Stevens?
Ah, that'll really make him mad.
He has that effect on me.
Captain, do you have an explosive device we can attach?
The shark gets close enough to swallow it, we might get lucky and give him one hell of a bellyache.
We've got some c-4 and a remote detonator.
I'll have one of my munitions men set it up for you.
Thank you.
Something better work.
[Music playing]
Dynamite: 
Hey, super shark, it's your old friend dy-y-y-ynamite Stevens with a handful of requests, brought to you by Uncle Sam.
So this is for all the soldier boys on the beach.
I hope this ro-ocks your world.
Singer: * you better believe it * * so tired, late tonight * the vision to see...
Come on, super shark.
Where are you?
This has gotta work.
Maybe he's gun-shy from getting his ass burned yesterday.
Maybe he had his feelings hurt.
That is impossible.
[Static]
[Growls]
Here he is!
Hurry up, captain!
Carter, heads up.
Target spotted dead ahead and closing fast.
Roger that.
[Roars]
Engage the enemy.
[Roars]
[Roaring]
Push him towards the c-4.
Maybe we can blow him up.
Carter, try to push it toward the speakers.
We got a c-4 charge set there.
I'm trying, captain, but it's not cooperating.
Kat: 
Be ready with that thing.
Carter, keep it in front of you.
If that thing gets any leverage from the side, it might be able to flip you over.
Like I said, captain, I'm trying.
This isn't working.
I told you that thing's tougher on the outside than any of us thought.
Faster, too.
All we need's one good shot, maybe the eyes.
Carter, go for the eyes.
If we can blind it, I think we can take it out.
All right. 
I'm gonna try to swing around to the left, line up a clean shot.
Motor's frozen.
[Alarms blaring]
Something's overheating.
I'm gonna have to abort.
Gaah!
[Garbled transmission playing]
[Roars]
Damn it.
Fall back!
We gotta regroup.
[Shark growling]
All right, Kat, get in the truck.
Get in the truck!
Keep the motor running!
Kat!
Get in the truck! 
Kat!
Over here, big boy!
Come here!
Over here!
Aah!
Come on! 
Get up! 
Get up!
Keep going to the cave!
I'll draw him off!
No!
Go! 
Just go!
Dynamite: 
Okay, super shark.
Over here, big boy!
Come on!
Music from the doctor, dynamite man.
[Growling]
Get over here!
[Music playing clearly]
The erotics:
* you're sitting there * snorting all your blow * how far are you gonna go? 
* * just one thing I want you to know *
* I'm gonna push you out the back door * * you push me * and push comes to death
[growling] * you push me * and you'll take your last breath *
* you push me...
Open up for mommy.
* push comes to death dynamite: 
And this one last ripping classic guaranteed to blow your mind.
Now you're extinct.
Dy-y-ynomite.
[Flames crackling]
Kat! 
Kat!
You did it!
Huh?
!
I said, "you did it!"
Wha... i can't hear a word you're saying.
It's the blast!
You were too close!
I feel like I just went to the loudest rock concert of my life.
It's okay! 
It'll wear off in a couple days.
You'll be great.
I can't make out a word you're saying.
I said you're one hell of a catch, Kat fish.
What'd you say?
I'll tell you later.
Come on.
Come on.
Tracey read: 
There has been much speculation in the community regarding the future of treymar oil and its offshore drilling operations along the California coast.
The oib recently hit treymar with a stiff $500,000 fine for using illegal chemicals just prior to the catastrophic failure of their offshore oil platform nautilus.
I'm standing here with Roger wade, director of operations.
Mr. wade, what is the future of treymar oil?
Well, we, uh, all learn from our mistakes, and, uh, treymar is ready and able to step up to the plate and begin the job of creating a new and independent source of energy.
We will rebuild the platform that was destroyed, and we're gonna start reconstruction as soon as humanly possible.
This time, we're gonna explore new regions even deeper than before, and I am certain that we will uncover even bigger and better sources of energy.
Who knows what we might find?
It's like Sarah always said.
"Drill, baby, drill."
Harvey scales:
* super shark
* super shark
* super shark
* super shark
* as bad as can be * on the land and on the sea * * super shark
* I know he's bad
* super shark * bon appétit, man * * watch out
* super shark
* he can jump, he can fly * he can almost touch the sky * super shark
* a whale of a killer * he makes jaws look like flipper * * super shark
* he's super shark
* huhh
* watch out
* super shark
* watch out
* watch out, watch out
* super shark
* super shark
* super shark * super shark
* super shark
* I know he's bad * huhh

( Theme music playing )
Hello?
And one of you two is joining my team.
Well, I would love to, but I'm defending
-Kirk Gibson's base-- 
-Bash, welcome aboard.
I'll have all the files sent to your office. 
Okay? 
Thanks. 
Bye.
Wish I could, but...
You know why she asked you, right?
'Cause she's done with you and tossing you like a dead battery?
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Guys?
I'm a real, live human being.
No, I mean I can hear what you're saying. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know if it's client-attorney privilege or whatever that is.
Good times.
Gentlemen, a word?
Blow us. 
We're busy saving Kirk Gibson's ball.
That's more than a word.
Yeah, but I like him.
He gets extra.
Guys, seriously.
Something someone sent me is now on the Infeld/Daniels server.
Porn?
It's complicated.
It's complicated porn?
Oh, maybe we underestimated you.
Why don't you let us take a look at it?
Look, I want to be a judge someday.
-No.
-Yeah, you do.
And I don't want this to be a vetting issue.
I need it off.
-Dude, talk to I.T. 
-I did.
Do you think that you two would be my first choice?
But if I use them, there's this whole process, and I need this to be outsourced.
Wow. 
Must be bad.
A crazy fraternity brother.
We know one guy who might be able to help.
Your honor, I'm not sure if you read our motion for summary judgment.
We're actually pretty proud of it. 
Yeah.
I don't know if you've noticed -- opposing counsel has not yet arrived.
Ah!
You know, I hadn't noticed that.
I was too busy being punctual and respectful of the court's time to even take a look at the tardiness of said counsel.
-But...
-Dude...
I think it was Cyndi Lauper
-who said respect -- 
-Dude.
-Dude, I'm lawyering.
-Dude.
Gentlemen.
Y-your honor, may I have a moment?
Sure. 
Why not?
I guess I've got all day.
I'm afraid to ask what happened to their first lawyer.
You got some blood in your teeth.
I contacted Greg and Colin and offered my services.
They accepted.
So, you went to work for a big firm, huh?
Thought you weren't gonna do that.
Well, it's a good fit.
After we're done,
I hope you don't regret that decision.
Summary judgment just got a little tougher.
Who is that guy?
That's Leonard Franklin.
My father.
Last time I guess was, yeah, the holidays.
Yeah, he reminded me where he went to law school
-with some Yale Christmas songs.
-Unbelievable.
You get a really cool case, and Leonard the impaler shows up.
Probably because I got a really cool case.
Dude, you okay with this?
-If you need any help...
-No, I got it.
-No worries.
- Jared.
I heard you had an unplanned family reunion in court today.
Oh, yeah, everything but the potato salad. 
It was fun.
I-I'm really sorry.
I wouldn't have put you on the case had I known.
Guys, I'm fine with this.
My dad's a lawyer.
I'm a lawyer.
Although he's a lawyer who literally spanked you.
-That's true.
- Peter, would you mind if I had a word with your partner in private?
Sure.
Listen, Jared, there's something that I want you to know.
Stanton, I know, all right?
Leonard Franklin took on the second-biggest union in the world.
Leonard Franklin re-wrote search and seizure.
Leonard Franklin was featured in "Wine Spectator" twice.
I got it.
Twice? 
That's absurd.
It doesn't matter.
To me, he's just the guy who wouldn't let me watch "Walker, Texas Ranger"
because it made "A mockery of the law."
Are you good to go with this?
Absolutely.
Hell, it might even satisfy a family-holiday obligation.
All right. 
Good luck.
I don't need it.
You know, if my father was Leonard Franklin and I was about to go up against him,
I'm just saying, I'd be working right now.
If my father was Leonard Franklin,
I would be working for Leonard Franklin.
Did Jared ever get that chance?
Yeah, and he turned it down.
Imagine working for your father, side-by-side.
It is a dream come true.
Uh, maybe in Pindaristan.
You really -- you should lock that door.
-Or at least close it.
-They're not here.
Yeah, I'm here for Pindar.
Oh.
Really?
Yes. 
I believe that Jared and Peter mentioned that I needed your help.
Oh, you're the...guy.
Yes. 
Because you are the expert in computer law.
Follow me, Mr. Karp.
I think I can help you with your problem.
We're just gonna do some research.
It was very nice to see you.
Carmen.
Mm.
So, every file leaves a unique bit count on the server.
I need a copy of the file.
I need to open it.
There's no other way?
Like control/alt/delete or...
No, there's no other way.
I was afraid of this.
This is a contract.
It will pay you $5,000 to remove the file from the server, provided you adhere to a gag order, which stipulates that if you ever discuss the contents of this file, I'll...
Just kill you.
What's on the file?
Sign.
Sign it.
Sign it, Pindar.
Not a great sleeper.
I have insomnia.
So I did a sleep study.
They hook you up to electrodes and test your rem, sleep apnea, the whole deal.
I didn't know they were videoing me all night, too.
I wanted the study to go well, so I relaxed myself.
Oh, you sing, too?
No. 
I relaxed myself.
Relax.
I'm not gonna say it again.
I still don't know what -- okay, I just got it.
They sent it to me, and now it's on the Infeld/Daniels server.
I need you to get it off.
It's not a big deal, Mr. Karp.
Occasionally when I can't relax,
I also rough up the suspect...
Till he orgasms.
Although, I don't always tape myself.
I guess I'm afraid that if my mom finds it, what's her rea--
Find it.
Destroy it.
Tell no one.
Good night.
-High fly ball...
-Oh!
Scully ...
To right field!
She is gone!
Oh, I still get goose bumps!
And I wish I could grow a 'stache like that.
I got to be honest.
Oh!
Now, see, the video doesn't show who actually caught the ball.
It almost shows the awesomeness of that moment -- almost.
You love this ball, don't you, Greg?
-Yes, I do.
-Yes, you do.
'Cause when Kirk Gibson rocked this out of the park on that day, this became more than a ball.
It became the beating heart of a people.
-Didn't it?
-Absolutely.
I mean, look at their faces.
Look at their faces.
-They are moved!
-Objection.
-Counsel is testifying.
-Sustained.
They are moved because those fans -- and I include myself and my client in this group -- believe that baseball is more than America's game.
It is our nation's unifying religion, and this ball, this ball...
It's our holy grail.
Reverend Franklin, is there a question?
I'm sorry, your honor.
Guys like Greg and I, we bleed red, white, and Dodger blue, right?
-Absolutely.
-Absolutely.
By the way, did the Dodgers get to the playoffs last year?
Uh...
-I don't know.
-You don't know?
But you love America's pastime... and the Dodgers... and this ball.
What kind of man doesn't know whether his favorite baseball team made the playoffs last year?
-Oh, that went well.
-It did.
I mean -- wait.
What just happened?
Well, we just successfully subpoenaed all the reality company's footage of you.
We're gonna use it to prove they've been maliciously depicting you out of context.
-Uh...
-You know, bad stuff making you look bad is bad.
-It is bad.
-It is ba--
Ronny, what are you doing, man?
Hey, I'm trying to get off your show, Lucian.
Yeah?
How's that working out?
Come on. 
Show up for work.
Your kids miss you.
My kids think I'm a jerk 'cause of you.
I don't think it's thanks to me.
-Really?
! 
Really?
!
-Come on.
Come on, big fella. 
Come on.
Driving home from the stadium, who maintained control of the ball?
I did.
I put it in my pocket.
They were fighting over it, like usual.
Do you remember what you said when you took it?
Yeah, something like, uh,
"When you stop fighting like a couple of nitwits and grow up,
I'll give you the ball back."
My clients have that exact same recollection.
Mr. Morrow, uh, are your sons, in fact, now grown up?
Well, uh...
-...
I guess.
-No need to guess.
According to the great state of California, being a grown-up starts at the age of 18 - for most people.
-Objection.
Argumentative. 
And lame.
-Overruled.
-So it seems that all three parties in this case recall
-making a verbal contract.
-Objection!
Your honor, opposing counsel knows full well verbal contracts don't really exist between fathers and sons.
Case law shows that contracts with minors are voidable only to protect the minor, and should such contract inure to the benefit of the minor, they are fully enforceable.
And I think that opposing counsel needs to brush up on Robert's Rules of courtroom decorum.
Really? 
Should I?
Who's Robert?
Okay, counselors, approach the bench, please.
Gentlemen, are we really gonna do this?
Your honor, opposing counsel is implying a binding contract between a father and son, even though I happen to know he himself broke such a contract to his son when he promised him a BMX bike if he went to Latin camp when he was 9.
Relevance, your honor?
None.
If you want to tell daddy that he didn't have any respect for you, you'll just have to wait until you're on your third eggnog, like the rest of the world.
This is not therapy for you to work out your issues.
This is court.
Now, you start acting like a lawyer, or you're done here.
Understood?
Yes.
Proceed, please.
Ooh.
What's with the books, buddy?
Daddy making you do your homework?
I want to beat him.
He thinks I'm this legal clown.
So?
Clowns can be badass.
Yeah. 
Pennywise from Stephen king's seminal "It" -- terrifying.
Insane clown posse.
Krusty. 
Huh?
Come on, man. 
We'll help you kick Leonard's ass with your big red clown shoe.
What happened today?
My dad somehow turned Duncan trying to control his sons from fighting in the back of a car 20 years ago into a legal contract.
You couldn't kneecap that argument?
I may have gotten a little emotional.
Come on. 
We all know family can make people crazy.
Hey, guys, this is the raw footage of Ronny that we subpoenaed from the reality show.
Okay. 
Is this it?
Well, there's 1,300 hours. 
They video-papered us.
-Oh.
-Go through it.
Try to find scenes that make Ronny look good.
I'd love to, but I'm busy.
I'm working for Mr. Karp.
Oh, yeah. 
Big case.
Surprisingly big.
Hey, why can't you help?
I will, but I want to help Jared first.
No, I'm good.
I don't need help.
They're brothers.
Find the pressure points.
Hey, you got a sec?
It's about your douchey dad.
Yeah, I guess.
So, Peter wanted me to go through the reality footage and find clips of Ronny that actually make him look good.
They don't pay you enough.
Agreed.
So, should the clips show footage of kindness or competence?
-Seriously?
-Yeah.
I'd settle for anything where he isn't a self-involved dolt desperately milking his 15 minutes.
Okay. 
Not a fan.
I prefer stars with some talent -- more than the ability to play "The star-spangled banner" with their armpit.
I get that.
But then again, I'd hate to see what people would think if a reality crew was following me around 24/7.
I'm sure they wouldn't catch you using your quasi-fame to score a free flat-screen.
I went through an awkward phase.
Not everybody can be perfect all the time.
Colin, would you call the mood of the crowd that night of game one electric?
Yeah, sure. 
Why not?
If that's the case, then why did you ask to leave the game in the fifth inning to go home to watch "Full House"?
That's not true.
I wanted to stay.
My brother wanted to leave.
-Oh, that's bullsh-- 
-Excuse me?
!
Sorry.
Well, lucky you stayed, or else you would have missed the home run.
It's your position that you both caught the ball at the exact same moment.
How did you even do that?
It rolled around.
We grabbed it at the same time.
Isn't it possible that you caught the ball first, even by just a fraction of a second?
Mm, well...
That would be a "no," dickwad.
You know what?
You speak out of turn one more time, Mr. Morrow,
I'm holding you in contempt.
No. 
We definitely grabbed it at the same time.
I see.
And which one of you should have grabbed Shelley?
Excuse me? 
Shelley?
Really, Eileen?
He didn't grab her.
He killed Shelley.
I didn't kill Shelley!
-Shelley was his turtle.
-Turtle?
What could this possibly have to do with the case?
Your honor, a little leeway?
Agreed.
Maybe your client should not have said "dickwad"
-in my courtroom.
-He is a dickwad!
He let his turtle escape, and then blamed it on me.
-You ran it over!
-Did not run it over!
-Gentlemen -- 
-Really?
!
Turtle shells just end up cracked all on their own!
It's a male turtle!
He names it "Shelley"!
Oh, you checked for its little turtle wienie?
Order! 
Order!
Shut up! 
Shut up!
All right.
Calm down.
Go ahead, Mr. Franklin.
Uh...
Yeah, I'm sorry, your honor.
I, uh...
You know, I don't like confrontation.
Sorry. 
All this unpleasantness, I've lost my train of thought.
Um...
Would you mind reading back the verbal agreement opposing counsel made binding yesterday?
"When you stop fighting like a couple of nitwits and grow up, I'll give you the ball back."
How would you folks describe what those two were just doing?
Your honor, I'd like this stricken.
My clients were manipulated.
Because they're nitwits -- fighting ones -- which I believe has bearing on our verbal contract.
I'm gonna agree.
The jury is free to consider
Mr. Morrow and Mr. Morrow "fighting like nitwits."
Well, of course you can have your picture taken with the ball, Jared.
That's going up on the wall, man.
Okay.
Of course, my firm may want actual payment.
Oh!
Would you guys excuse me for a minute?
Yeah, sure.
-I'll meet you at the corner.
-All right.
Okay.
You know, I think Duncan might be willing to give ball-visitation rights to his sons.
No, thank you.
My clients aren't interested.
Really?
Yeah. 
It's their ball.
See you in court tomorrow.
Hey, dad, you know what I'm gonna do tonight?
I think I'm gonna cuddle with Kirk Gibson's home-run ball.
See, Mr. Morrow said that if we won,
I could take it for a while, and I think we just won.
-Hey!
-Look out!
Today is what my dad would call perfect baseball weather.
'Cause for him it was always perfect baseball weather.
It was always a perfect day to spend with friends and family at the ballpark.
My father liked everybody.
He was always there to listen.
I hope you don't blame yourself.
-For what?
-For what happened.
I don't.
Good.
It's like a Greek tragedy.
Oedipus, Antigone -- it's all sort of inevitable.
What was inevitable?
That the boys get the baseball.
I'm the executor of the estate.
It's up to the children to pick one.
The majority of the children picked me.
He left them the ball?
No. 
But he died intestate -- no will.
-I know what it means.
-Then you should know the ball is part of Duncan's estate, which, without a will, automatically goes to his children.
They'll have to sell it, divide the proceeds.
Listen...
You showed some promise in court.
Oh, a little discipline, a little less sizzle, a little more steak,
-you could be a real lawyer.
-I won!
He wanted us to succeed in life...
It was good fun, son.
We'll do it again sometime.
There's no way I'm giving you that ball.
But he never let that pursuit of success get in the way of our...
-Right.
-Do it again!
Some road kill here.
Okay, so this makes you look good.
You dressed up as Spongebob to go trick-or-treating with your kids.
Yeah, and I painted that whole washing-machine box by myself.
Couldn't see a damn thing, though, and I walked into my neighbor's cauldron.
That's all they showed on TV.
It made me look like a drunk.
Oh, so you're saying that you weren't?
That's not the point, right?
It was a great episode.
Wow. 
She scares me.
Don't look her in the eyes.
This was on Perez this morning.
"Ronny's mystery hottie."
You are way out of your league on this one, buddy.
I know. 
That's kind of the point, though.
Every week, they put me with a mystery hottie, and they mock me 'cause I'm not hot.
And it's okay, except my kids see this, and I need my kids to respect me, 'cause I'm like their dad.
That's been blowing up on me all year.
So you got to do something about it.
Well, you're a public figure.
I'm not misidentified.
There's not much I can do.
Wow.
Well, better tell my kids.
-Uh, in that shirt?
-You're right.
Someone told me I was an autumn, and I argued.
I said, "No, no, I'm a spring." And now I got this on.
No. 
You look good.
You look good.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
I needed that. 
Thank you.
Excuse me, ma'am.
You wanted to see me?
We're trying to find the baseball, counselor.
Okay.
Do you know where it is?
I have no idea.
-Really?
-Yes, really.
Stop looking at me like I'm lying about denting your Jag.
You did lie, and it wasn't a dent.
-It was an old Jag.
-And moments before Mr. Morrow's demise, you told me you were going to "cuddle" with the ball.
You know, I can say that and still sound cool.
We also saw you with the ball in court.
If you have it and don't release it, you will be held in contempt.
I don't have it.
This morning,
Jared said to me, "No way I'm giving you that ball."
Is that true?
All right.
I think...
Oh, God. 
If I have to look at one more video of Ronny in a mirror trying to find an ab,
I seriously might kill somebody.
You can't afford the assault charge.
Where's that waiver that Ronny signed?
Ah, thank you.
This is Peter Bash.
Hey, Eileen.
I'll be right there.
Uh, Jared needs my help.
We're due in court in a couple hours.
-Burn the DVD.
-I don't think making a Ronny glamour reel is gonna work.
We're gonna try something else.
I mean, I'm sure your dad's proud of you, right?
Exactly.
Why wouldn't he be?
You know, you're a good listener.
That's a quality you don't find in a lot of people, and you have that.
I'm sure you have other skills, but you're a good listener.
-Hey.
-Hey!
I'm sorry I didn't call right away.
I wanted to hang out with some scumbags who weren't lawyers for a while.
Eileen called me and told me your dad threw you in jail.
-Second time, actually.
-That's right.
I think he's starting to like it.
Well, she's got something to tell you.
Oh. 
Excuse me.
I know where the ball is.
Where?
With my father.
In heaven?
I buried him with it.
He always said he wanted to be buried with his wooden chest.
It held all the things he loved in it.
It had my mother's locket, their love letters, the little silver fish they got together in Mexico.
Your honor, there is only one clear course of action.
Do not say dig him up.
I would never say that.
I would say "exhume" or "disinter."
Oh, my God.
As executor of the estate,
I have a fiduciary responsibility to secure its assets.
Really?
Should we "exhume" his suit?
His shoes?
If they had a market value of half a million dollars,
I would say yes.
That ball is not safe in the ground.
I'm sorry.
Your honor, is Mr. Franklin making a grave-robber argument?
Because unless this is Transylvania --
I wish I was in Transylvania.
Your honor, in Supreme Court decision Dougherty v. Mercantile Trust,
Justice Cardozo stated,
"The dead are to rest where they have been lain."
Hmm. 
That is a sound, reasonable legal argument.
Thanks.
But Dougherty goes on to say,
"Unless reason of substance is brought forward for disturbing their repose."
Dig him up.
Whoops.
I got to get to court.
Your dad's a dick.
Hey. 
That's my dad you're talking about.
Hanna, we're good?
DVD's in the player?
-Yeah, but -- 
-Mr. 
Bash.
Can we please light this candle?
Yes, your honor.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Ronny Streppi has been presented to this country as "The Douchey Dad."
We're gonna show you a different side.
But it's still good.
12-second rule.
All right, guys, losing my drawers here.
Here you go.
Just like a good dad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There you go. 
Here you go.
That dog is smarter than those kids.
His son -- that apple doesn't fall far from the moron tree.
Seriously, this family gives white trash a bad name.
The dog's like, "Hey, get me out of here.
I'd rather live with a homeless guy. 
Ruff!"
And her? 
Might as well put a tramp stamp on her right now.
How long till she twirls from a pole?
Okay, wait.
Put your head back and pinch it like this.
Look, I've been in a few fights, all right?
I think we can agree that, uh, Ronny became understandably agitated.
And assaulted me in court.
Hey, you're a moron, Ronny!
You got something gross on your nose.
You actually do.
You getting this?
But an entertaining moron who's gonna make me rich.
Our client just committed a felony in front of a judge.
I didn't go to a top-ten school, but I think that's bad.
Maybe not.
And there it is.
You found the file.
Yes.
If we make the server think it's corrupt, it will be over-written to protect the whole sector.
Awesome.
So just enter your access code, and the file will be destroyed.
And your file is...
That's unexpected.
What?
Infeld/Daniels must have a very up-to-date I.T. Department.
Look, I don't know what you're talking about.
What are you talking about, Pindar?
A cyclic redundancy check.
Basically, it protected the file...
By redundancy.
Redundancy to who?
To me? 
To you?
To the rest of the firm?
Well, definitely to me and you.
But also a few circuit court judges.
This is not my fault!
It's so hard to keep up with -- just 'cause I'm Indian, you -- I'm more of a Mac guy!
This is what you do.
You craft an e-mail to everybody who got your masturbation video, and you say, "My computer was hacked.
"There's a virus on it.
Please don't open.
Destroy this file."
There's one.
Why would -- that didn't fix anything.
Look at that.
The Williams family.
One, two, three generations all buried together.
There is a hell.
Don't be angry, Jared.
Seriously?
You put me in jail.
I was performing my legal duty as an executor of an estate.
Keep telling yourself that.
Let me ask you -- why did you become a lawyer?
Are you kidding?
Look around. 
This is sexy.
Always the jokes.
Aside from the opportunity for three more years of school...
I wanted to help people.
Not follow in the old man's footsteps?
Sorry.
Still, you're a lawyer.
Yeah, but for me it's not about winning.
It's about getting the right wins.
And I guess beating the old man someday is one of those wins.
Yep.
It's amazing.
It took a damn baseball to get us to this.
It's Kirk Gibson's home-run ball, dad.
It's huge.
I should have been there to see him hit it out of the park, but we had to leave in the seventh.
Do you remember?
I never tell anybody that.
Sometimes leaving a game early is what good lawyers do.
So you can sneak away from mom?
Go see your girlfriend?
I was 10.
I wasn't an idiot.
No.
You weren't.
- Here it is.
-Open it.
I need to make sure the ball is inside.
Chain of custody.
What is that?
"To be opened in the event some bastard digs me up."
Oh, it's for you.
Why didn't you tell us about the envelope in the box?
I didn't know about it, your honor.
But that's his handwriting?
It is.
All righty.
Let's see what it says.
"I, Duncan Morrow, am the sole author of this document,
"which, if you are reading, means someone dug me up.
"Should any of my children have had a hand in that,
"they forfeit all rights to my Kirk Gibson baseball,
"which I hereby bequeath, first,
"to any of my heirs who did not want to dig me up,
"second to the Baseball Hall of Fame, third to the..."
It goes on and on, but...
I think we have a winner.
I'm sorry you had to spend a little time locked up.
You know, personally, I find it kind of centering.
I spoke to the judge.
You're a first-time offender.
You'll get six months' probation, Max.
Why is that good?
Your network contract.
The morality clause.
"The services of any contestant charged with an assault is immediately terminated."
Dude, you're off the show!
No way! 
No way!
Oh, my gosh!
I get to see my kids. 
Okay.
-Oh, is it Thursday?
-It's Thursday.
'Cause I know a place that has free fish tacos for the kids, 2-for-1 well drinks for Daddy-O.
Bye.
That was a very Franklin-and-Bash move in court.
Really?
I'd say it was very Hanna, but I don't name courtroom maneuvers after myself.
Then you have no future with Jared.
Jared!
So I'll see you in a few months?
Christmas?
Um, you know, dad, actually, I'm probably gonna stay --
No, I'm talking about appeal.
All of this is predicated on the ball being a part of Duncan's estate.
But ownership of the ball is still in dispute.
You know, there are easier ways to see me.
Are there?
Probably not.
You know, I think I just figured out why you're so tough on me.
Because I want you to do well?
No.
'Cause I think deep down, whether you know it or not, you want me to be better than you.
Boy's got potential, Stanton.
Why we hired him.
Yeah. 
Just, uh, try not to screw him up.
Well, if you couldn't do that with your bullshit,
Leonard, I suspect the lad's impervious.
See you, son.
You know my father?
Why didn't you tell me?
Look, I was going to tell you at the courthouse the other day, and then I saw you ready to take on your father with typical Jared Franklin aplomb, and I thought, why burden you with this extraneous information?
It's like when you're skiing down a glacier.
You know, you're not thinking of the crevasses.
When I was in Patagonia, for instance --
I got to tell you -- that's awesome.
But j-just tell me...
Did your relationship with my father have anything to do with you hiring me?
No.
I hired you because you and your partner make a wonderful addition to my firm.
Oh, yeah.
Your whole team. 
Real pros.
Oh, Mr. Karp.
I got your e-mail.
Oh, just ignore that.
I got hacked.
Well, I did set my spam filter for you.
Unless, of course, you were thinking of me.
What was all that about?
I think she's crazy.
Infeld didn't tell you how he knew Leonard?
-Nope.
-But there's history.
Yeah. 
For sure.
They definitely do not dig each other at all.
Something happened.
What?
Well, you drive on the wrong side of the road, put milk in your tea, like colored money.
Say, "Well done, boys."
Infeld boned my mom.
That's what you're going with?
Well, I'm saying, you know, it was the '80s.
Your dad was fooling around.
Your mom -- she needed the attention.
I couldn't be there for her all the time.
Let me ask you this.
Would you want Infeld to be your dad instead of Leonard?
Come on, man, I'm eating.
All right?
We're here celebrating, okay?
Let's change the station.
That was inappropriate.
I'm sorry.
-This is a good day.
-Thank you.
All right, you get to have sex with Heidi Klum.
Okay! 
But?
But your mom has to have sex with Infeld.
Man, thanks!
I got to believe he is freaky.
♪ ...
Become a monster ♪
Yeah, that's true. 
Yeah.
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, who said that? 
♪
I call this the Peruvian swing bar.
♪ Who said that? 
♪
♪ Who said that? 
♪
♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

The last time I lived with a man?
Uh, it was with Derek in a trailer in the woods, way...
Deep in the woods, like... 
like with woodland creatures.
Okay?
The shower was about the size of a toilet, and I got poison Ivy on my...
Yeah, I got poison Ivy.
Yeah, it was a...
Failed... experiment in pushing my own boundaries.
♪ ...
Tastes like sunshine ♪
♪ baby, but your eyes ♪
But in some ways, I'm...
I'm proud of that chapter.
♪ And the breeze takes us ♪
I fought for love.
I got poison Ivy and...
You know, I lost.
But I really fought.
Are you afraid now to lose again?
♪ Da da da da da ♪
Oh. 
Oh.
Wow.
Oh, that's good stuff.
Ah, jeez.
I like living together.
I like it, too.
All right. 
Come here.
Mm.
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm.
- No, Sam.
- What?
- We have to go to work now.
- Ugh. 
Come on.
I'm the boss now.
No, you ain't the boss of me.
- You...
- I am, too.
No, hey.
I'm the boss. 
Now.
- Wait. 
M-
- Okay.
- Come on.
- We have a business to run.
- Wait. 
Where you going?
Sam. 
Ahh!
- I got you.
- I have to go to work.
Mnh-mnh.
Mm.
Mnh-mnh. 
Mm.
Mm.
What are you doing?
You are not the boss in here.
Oh, okay.
I like...
I like not being the boss in here.
Mm.
♪ And your mouth tastes like sunshine ♪
♪ baby ♪
♪ but your eyes are all cool ♪
Huh. 
Looks like Amelia's housewarming party's
- finally over.
- Mm.
♪ And everything matters for a second as we fall ♪
Sam.
Tell us why you'd like to work for Oceanside Wellness group.
I saw the posting, and to be Frank,
I'm a little surprised to see you guys are still open, you know, given all the bad press with the medical board.
Well, those accusations have been somewhat exaggerated.
Somewhat?
Either they're investigating you or they're not.
Okay, well, would you consider yourself a team player?
Team player?
I'm not a big fan of sports, if that's what you're asking.
Can you tell us why you decided to become a doctor?
Well, back then, we called it a career path.
Uh, you had a choice-
- Lawyer, doctor, or dentist.
Who wants to have their hands in someone's mouth?
Your resume is a bit confusing.
What year did you graduate medical school?
2006.
Fast-tracked it in 3.
My endocrinology residency, did it in four.
This is really good coffee.
Do you guys make this in-house or send out?
- Uh, that's in-house.
- That's good.
That's a perk.
I like perks.
What's the parking sitch?
I hate dings.
- Anyone here golf?
- We'll be in touch.
Thanks for coming in.
We'll get back to you.
They can't all be that bad.
Huh. 
You wouldn't think so.
One guys asked if he could bring his cat to work.
He sounds like a keeper.
I feel optimistic.
You know, we've got a lot more people to interview.
- We'll find someone.
- Good morning, beautiful people.
- Uh-oh. 
Look who's here.
- Hey.
Well, isn't this a nice surprise?
- You're looking well.
- And feeling well.
- I'm ready to go back to work.
- Uh, no caffeine, Pete.
- Stick with the decaf. 
- I thought we agreed it was a little early.
Oh, well, what can I say?
I am sick of daytime television.
Quadruple bypass is no joke, Pete.
- You sound just like Violet.
- She's right.
Thank you.
Well, maybe you give it another week.
I'll ease into it.
Uh, okay.
Well, as long as you stick to the agreed upon rehab protocol.
You know, that graft site is still healing.
You don't want to stress the suture line.
Just don't overexert yourself.
Got it?
- Got it.
- Okay.
Are-- are you already interviewing for Naomi's job?
Oh, well, empty office doesn't bring money in.
D-don't worry. 
We haven't found anybody yet.
No, no, it's not that.
I just thought, maybe I could help with the hiring.
I'm-
- I'm-
- I know I am not seeing patients yet, but I don't know, if you need somebody to vet the resumes or do a psych breakdown or...
You know, Lucas is with the babysitter, and I'd kinda rather be here than at home.
I don't have a problem with it.
You've been suspended from seeing patients,
- but it doesn't mean you can't help out around here. 
- Enjoy.
Thanks.
Great.
Great.
You're late, Dr. Freedman.
You try sneaking a 32-inch television past the nurses' station.
Popcorn is for later.
What are we watching?
No, wait. 
Let me guess.
Uh... "The Little Mermaid."
We watched that already.
Cartoons was last month's theme.
This month, it's all about the musical.
Right?
So tonight's feature...
You can tell 'em.
"Oliver!" It's a musical with real live people.
And starving, begging orphans.
It's very uplifting.
Dr. Freedman, here are the labs.
Thank you.
I am going to talk to your folks outside, okay?
Do not eat my popcorn.
These are the results from Kerri's last blood smear.
It's not good, is it?
I knew it.
There's no weight gain.
Her face is still so pale.
Let him speak.
Her leukemia's back.
But... you said my bone marrow was a good match.
It is. 
Um...
Sometimes a good match just doesn't work.
Okay.
So what are our options?
There's only one.
It's a cord blood transfusion, and... quickly.
When Kerri was born, we...
Money was tight.
We weren't sure we'd ever need it.
That wouldn't help.
The genetic marker for leukemia is already in Kerri's blood, so we need the cord blood from another child who's a match.
- Where do we get it?
- Most hospitals, including St. Ambrose, have a cord blood donor bank.
We'll start looking.
You two certainly started your day off right.
And that's my cue to leave.
Here.
- Yeah, I got it.
- See you.
He does know I'm a grown-up, right?
Well, we're just not used to having neighbors with noises.
Noisy neighbors who have parties at--
When did I become the nosy landlady?
Scary.
But it is still your place, and that party last night was just a little housewarming.
Not gonna be a weekly occurrence.
Mm-hmm, just be careful, you know, with all the partying.
I'm not drinking, if that is what you're asking.
- Not a drop.
- Mm-hmm.
I was the happy, sober hostess last night.
Scout's honor.
I believe you.
And what about that guy?
Javier?
Mm-hmm.
He's a painter.
Ooh, an artist.
That's sexy.
He does houses, but you should see his six-pack.
Javier.
Computer won't go any faster with you hovering, Coop.
Just making sure you have Kerri's information right.
I do, and if there's a cord blood match, we'll know in a second.
Search again.
Cooper-- Somewhere in this country, there's gotta be a match for this little girl.
Move over. 
Let me search.
I've checked the public donor banks. 
I'm sorry.
But there's no match.
Check the private ones.
Come on, Charlotte.
You're chief of staff.
You have the authorization to do the search.
That cord blood isn't for the public.
The families are saving it in case they need it.
99% of cord blood never gets used.
It just goes to waste.
And what about Kerri?
She will die without this blood transfusion.
I know she's special to you.
But as chief of staff, there are a thousand Kerris out there who want me to break the rules.
I can't do that.
We have a cooperative practice.
Nothing wrong with a little cooperation.
So that would work for you.
I can make anything work with the right people.
Okay, then.
Thank you... for coming in.
You have our number.
Who's next?
Dr. Jake Reilly.
Jake Reilly MD.
You know what?
I-I think I'm gonna, uh, sit this one out.
Why? 
This guy actually sounds pretty great.
Yeah.
Duke medical school, time at Johns Hopkins.
Double board certified with a fellowship in reproductive endocrinology.
I have a lot of work to do.
You guys can finish up, huh?
No, no, no.
He's already here.
Let's just get this over with.
Sit down. 
Sit down.
Thank you.
Have we met before?
We absolutely have met before.
Um...
I got it.
Intramural basketball.
- Intramural hoops. 
Yes, exactly.
- Basketball. 
Yeah.
Wow.
- That's a long time.
- You two know each other?
Yeah, uh, undergrad at Georgetown.
You guys used to kick our asses all the time.
We did.
I'm sorry about that.
I played field hockey at Emerson.
Well, all right.
So, uh, it says here that you are double board certified in general surgery and OB-GYN.
They're fairly divergent disciplines.
What, you just couldn't choose?
Addison--
Not at all. 
Surgery is the hardest of the specialties in terms of pure skill.
I'm sure as a fellow surgeon, you would agree.
But obstetrics, it's all about caring for the patient.
And fertility in particular, it, uh...
It requires a hands-on approach in a different way.
I could do both so I did.
Well, we're looking for team players, not superstars.
Well, look no further, really.
I mean, I love the team approach.
In fact, I'm really happy to hear you say that you're not moving away from it.
What does that mean?
Frankly, I-I know about your problems with the medical board.
Everyone does.
I understand the instinct to hunker down and play defense, but...
You already gave them Dr. Turner as a scapegoat.
You don't need to do any more.
Well, unfortunately, the medical board doesn't agree.
Well, that might be because they don't have every side of the story.
What do you mean?
If I were you guys,
I would start to play a little offense.
Okay, offense, defense.
You know, I-
- This is a very real threat that requires a real solution, Dr. Reilly, not some sports cliches.
What I was going to say is be smart.
I mean, you're all under suspicion, right?
So take yourselves out of the process.
Spend five minutes, find out-- find out who left the board most recently, because I guarantee you, they're back in the private sector and they're for hire.
So you bring them on as a consultant and you share with them all your success stories on how you guys work together, how you share patient information--
Everything you're doing that's bringing the board on top of you right now.
You give them all the ammo you can find--
Files, letters from patients, pictures of healthy children, anything you can find-- and then let them sell it back to their friends on the board.
Everyone wins, right?
Oh, and the, uh, consultant's also going to tell you to change the name of your practice so...
You might start thinking about that now.
Oh!
I'm so sorry.
You all right?
Yes.
You're Dr. Violet Turner, right?
Yes. 
Have we met?
Uh, no, actually.
But I-
- I've read your book.
Very impressive.
Yes, my book.
I always forget that my picture's on the cover.
Well, you should be very proud of it.
I mean, it takes a lot of courage to put it all out there, and you did.
And there's no telling how many people you've helped.
Thank you.
Uh, Dr. Jake Reilly.
I just interviewed for a job here.
Yes. 
Yes, I just-- I just read your resume.
Equally impressive.
Oh, thanks.
Maybe you can put in a good word for me.
Hey.
I know you guys are busy interviewing, but I-I just met one of the candidates out there.
Dr. Jake Reilly.
Wow. 
What a good guy.
Deep thinker. 
It really feels like he'd be a good fit.
I'm just sayin'.
Hey, come on in.
Have a seat.
Oh, hey, Addison.
Hmm?
Come with me.
What's wrong?
I'm gone for a month, and you turn my office into a storage closet?
- I've been going through this stuff all day. 
- I'm sorry.
Half these boxes aren't even mine.
I mean, how do you expect me to see patients?
I know. 
I'm sorry, Pete.
Violet said you weren't gonna be back for three weeks, so I--
Did she also tell you that she put in shower bars because she's afraid I'll slip, or that she lays out my vitamins like I'm 10 years old,
- or she checks that I'm breathing every 15 minutes? 
- No. 
W-
- Pete.
- Here, let me help you with that.
- No, I can handle it.
- Pete. 
Pete-- 
- I can handle it.
Respectfully...
I run this place now.
So if you pick these up and tear out your heart stitches and bleed all over the floor of my practice, it's gonna piss me off.
I mean, you want to come back to work early?
Fine. 
But don't be a complete idiot about it.
I will have these cleared out by the end of the day.
Charlotte's the chief of staff.
You can't expect her to break the rules
- just because she's your wife.
- Sure I can.
You know that if it was Pete asking, you would do it.
Well, Pete would never ask because that would involve communicating with me.
You and Pete are not speaking?
Yes, we did at the beginning...
After the heart attack.
But no, for the last few weeks, he barely looks at me.
And then when he does, he's never smiling.
I don't know, I'm beginning to think that his early return to work has less to do with work and more to do with getting away from me.
Yeah, probably.
- Wow.
- What?
I don't know.
I guess I was just kind of hoping for...
"Don't be crazy, Violet.
Your husband loves you."
Of course he loves you, but he also hates you.
I mean, he's been laying on his ass for a month, totally dependent on you.
Okay, so you're saying that he's emasculated by his condition and he's projecting that on me.
No, those are big shrinky words I wouldn't use.
What I'm saying is...
Look... 
From what I hear, this morning, in front of all of his colleagues, you pulled a chair out for him, and you told him what kind of coffee he can drink.
I'm worried about him.
I know, but you gotta ease up on the Florence nightingale routine, 'cause unless it comes with a naughty nurse's outfit, he's not gonna like it.
Hey. 
Did you find anyone good?
Uh, yeah, a few, but, uh, front-runner is still Jake Reilly.
You don't like him.
No.
Yes.
Jake is the Fiji guy.
I mean...
Almost-Fiji guy.
Oh, you mean at the airport?
- Yes.
- Wow.
Yeah, so if you can find anything on his resume that is sketchy, shady, or in any way questionable, please tell me, 'cause right now,
I'm the only one in the office who doesn't like this guy...
- And I'm starting to run out of excuses. 
- Okay.
Well, uh...
He is not a member of the, uh,
American Society for Reproductive Medicine.
- You're not serious.
- I don't know.
Naomi used to talk about it.
It's not on his resume.
It's his only shortcoming.
Really?
I'm sorry.
Does Sam know?
No, and I have no intention of telling him.
We were broken up. 
All I did was go to the airport.
I kissed him once.
Actually, more than once, but I... did not go to Fiji, and that's what counts.
You know, and Sam and I are great.
So why can't we hire him?
Dr. Freedman?
Hi, sleepyhead.
All right. 
You ready to watch this movie?
You okay?
I... 
I'm a little tired.
Can we watch it tomorrow?
You sure?
Okay.
I can't watch it tomorrow, but I can come Saturday.
Okay.
Okay?
Will I still be alive?
Bingo.
I know it's a lot to digest, but Kerri does not have a lot of time.
This disease, it's like a cancer?
Yeah. 
It is cancer, but, um, of the blood.
Oh, she's so young.
With all due respect, Dr. Freedman, what does this have to do with us?
Well, when each of your boys was born, you decided to keep and store their cord blood.
And according to our database, your oldest son-
- Kip-- is a perfect match for Kerri.
Um, the cord blood bank-
- It's supposed to be confidential.
Who gave you permission to look at our records?
I'm gonna go shoot some hoops with Gary and Lee.
Make sure you're home for dinner.
Okay.
Is that Kip?
That's Matt.
Kip died in a car accident when he was 6.
But we've kept his cord blood in case Matt ever needs it.
Oh. 
I'm sorry for your loss.
Um... but Matt is a teenager now.
So?
Well-
- At his age, the odds that he would need cord blood are miniscule.
It's easy to talk about odds when you haven't lost a child.
And I can't imagine how painful that's been.
But you do have the opportunity to spare another family the grief that you've been through.
Here's my chip.
30 days sober.
Good for you.
So now there's no more excuses why my name keeps disappearing from the surgical rotation every week.
I'll think about it.
But you let me do Pete's surgery, and I saved his life.
I told you, it was a onetime exception.
Thank you.
Now it's time to get back to saving yourself.
I haven't had a drink in a month.
So you say.
What do you want me to do to prove that I'm sober, take a breathalyzer?
You want me to pee in a cup?
You cut into a patient's head after you'd been drinking.
And both that patient and Pete survived because of me.
What if the next one's not so lucky?
Mm.
Wow.
What's that for?
You're doing a great job.
You're not throwing around your authority.
You're not rubbing it in anyone's face.
You're just being you...
And I like it.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
So are you just gonna stare at that coffee or you gonna pour it?
Well, there's all these studies about caffeine and getting pregnant.
And I've already had two cups today, so... 
I guess I'm just staring.
Okay.
Look, I'm gonna be...
I'm gonna be going off...
Birth control, and, um, I mean, I know the odds of me getting pregnant by mistake are roughly a cajillion to 1, but I...
I'm gonna need you to start wearing condoms.
- You're serious?
- Yeah, look,
I want to have a baby, you don't want to have a baby.
It means I can't use your sperm so, yeah.
I mean, come on, you get it, Sam.
Condoms?
There's a debate happening inside my head.
You wanna hear both sides?
Uh...
Okay.
Well, one side says that you're hiding in here because you're avoiding me personally.
And the other side says that you're hiding in here to avoid the entire world.
You know Charlotte still has me benched from surgery?
Are you getting help?
Are you clean and sober?
Because Charlotte isn't generally unreasonable--
Charlotte's a bitch, Sheldon.
She's a bitch and she's a control freak and she's a turncoat.
A turncoat?
In AA, the old-timers tell you to keep your mouth shut at work.
They tell you not to break your anonymity to anyone, especially if you are a doctor or a lawyer or a pilot or anything where anyone could use your admission of addiction against you.
They tell you to keep your mouth shut, even if you have been sober for 20 years, because people don't understand.
I didn't listen.
I opened my mouth.
I opened my mouth because Charlotte needed me to open my mouth.
After her rape, she needed me.
Look, one in ten people is an alcoholic or an addict.
And only one in ten of those people even tries to get help.
I have been sober for years, and I am sober again.
But do I get any credit from Charlotte? 
No.
Because I made the mistake of helping her when she needed me and because I had a few drinks over a month ago,
I am benched-- No credit, no gratitude.
So the answer to your debate, Sheldon, is everyone.
I am in here hiding from everyone.
So you're gonna feel a little bit of warmth as the medicine goes in.
That feels weird.
Yeah, it should go away in just a minute.
I'm going to get better now?
Well, that is the idea.
Cooper.
I saw your name on the procedure list.
What are you doing?
Giving Kerri a chance to live.
But where'd you get the cord blood?
Oh, a donor match came through the registry.
Consent form's on your desk.
I'm glad it all worked out.
Amazing, right?
There's a word for this, you know, you and I running into one another.
Yeah, the word you're looking for is "nerve."
The nerve of you coming into my practice wasting my time when clearly, you have ulterior motives.
Whoa. 
H-hold on a second.
You-- you-- you think I came in for a job interview just to get you to go out with me?
It's very convenient.
Actually, it is.
Your practice is already affiliated with St. Ambrose, which is where I see most of my patients, not to mention, you're only a 15-minute walk from my house, so... you'll be helping me to reduce my carbon footprint.
- That's rich. 
- Look, I hate to burst your bubble over there,
Dr. Montgomery, but, uh, I'm a catch.
And so humble.
All I'm saying is that there are plenty of beautiful, intelligent women out there that I could be with if I wanted to be.
I mean, do you really think that I tracked you down, pretended to be interested in a job, put myself through the interview process just to get a date with you?
Though I will say, having a friendly face around here is a selling point.
Oh, we are not friends.
I was talking about Sam.
Oh, it was intramural basketball.
It's not like you two climbed Everest.
Hey.
- Hey.
- How's it going with the hiring?
Oh, well, we found a guy we like--
Amazing credentials, a great work history.
And?
And Addison doesn't like him.
Well, since when does she make the final decisions?
I know there have been some changes around here, but we're still a cooperative practice, right?
Officially, no.
Officially, we all work for Addison and answer to Addison.
Well, yeah, we agreed to that to keep the doors open.
We agreed to that for the medical board.
I mean, we had to make changes on paper. 
I get it.
But does that mean we don't make decisions together anymore?
- Because if that's what it means-- 
- Wait. 
Pete, Pete, take it easy.
No, are you guys just gonna roll over and let her push us around?
It's just like with the boxes.
She doesn't respect any one of us.
Someone didn't get enough sleep last night.
I don't think sleep is the issue.
Well, he's had major heart surgery.
There's no way his body's 100%.
I wasn't talking about his physical health.
It's only been a month since his heart attack.
And not only is he dealing with mortality issues, but he's in emotional overload.
You know, fear, depression, guilt-
- They're all colliding.
Well, no wonder he's so frustrated.
It's not just frustration.
He's angry.
It's a typical response.
So what do we do?
Cut the guy some slack, give him some space to work out his issues, and in time, he'll-- He'll find his equilibrium.
Hey.
Hey. 
What's happening?
What's the, uh, inside scoop on the hiring situation?
Still doing interviews, checking references.
You know how this process works.
Yeah, don't sweat it. 
You'll know when you know, right?
Listen...
I'm gonna go grab a beer later on with some of the doctors from the practice.
You want to join, meet a few of 'em?
Sounds good.
Cool.
I'll check you later.
How dare you people do this to us!
- And you are?
- Robert Weston.
You used my son's cord blood without my permission.
We have your signed consent.
That's not my signature.
Well, there's been a misunderstanding.
I told Dr. Freedman that he couldn't use Kip's cord blood.
But after he left our house,
I was concerned, so I called the hospital.
It turns out, you used it on a patient.
That is not your blood to take.
You need to believe me.
I'll deal with this and Dr. Freedman.
So will my lawyers.
Hey.
We let you into our home, listened to you plead your case,
- and what did it get us?
- I understand, you're upset.
And-- and what I did, you have every right to think I'm a terrible person.
But if you knew Kerri, this beautiful little girl whose life you saved, you would understand why I did it.
You stole from us.
You stole the only thing that was left from our dead son.
And now you've given it away.
We can never get that back.
I was just about to call you.
Look at this.
Kerri's blood count-- There is no evidence of any abnormal white blood cells.
It's working.
How great is that?
Did you really think you'd get away with it?
Charlotte--
I checked my computer.
You used my password to access our private blood bank?
Will you let me explain this--
Do you realize what you've done?
I saved this little girl's life,
- which is the right thing to do-- 
- Don't you dare.
I was not gonna sit back and watch her die.
We've been through this, Cooper.
You don't get to make up the rules every time a patient needs your help.
We're all doctors.
We all love our patients.
Charlotte, don't--
You broke the law and you broke my trust.
You're a doctor, and you're an adult, and you're my husband, and you didn't act like any of those things when you made this decision.
You have no self-control, and I am tired of it.
♪
♪ gee, I know, I know, I know I've been bad ♪
So you're a dad, huh?
Good for you, Sam.
Yeah.
He's a granddad.
Man, can you believe that?
What about you, any kids?
Never had the time to make any.
Me neither, but we love to try.
Wow. 
Someone's not pacing themselves.
Self-control is overrated.
I'll drink to that.
I like you.
I like him.
Why haven't we hired him yet?
You know why. 
We have to do our due diligence
- to the other applicants.
- Yeah, right.
You sound like a guy in the know, so what do I gotta do to get this guy on board?
Well, I would start with this guy's girlfriend.
Mm. 
All right. 
That's it.
You're cut off.
Ooh. 
Oh.
I have to take a leak.
Addison--
Addison's your ticket.
♪
- Dr. Montgomery is your girlfriend?
- Yeah.
Yeah, we don't have a nonfraternization policy at the office, so...
Well, she seems great.
You're a lucky guy.
Thank you. 
Thank you.
♪
I've left messages for the Westons.
I'm hoping to talk to 'em before I need to bring this to the board.
Yeah, I'll keep you informed.
Oh, hey, you have a minute?
I have had it up to here with doctors playing fast and loose with the rules.
I got surgeons sticking scalpels in people's brains while drinking and doctors stealing cord blood, so unless whatever it is you have to say can change that,
- now is not a good time.
- I don't know anything about cord blood, but as far as one particular surgeon who drank on duty,
I...
Amelia is an excellent surgeon.
Her skill is not in question.
No, I know.
Only her sobriety.
- I'm not talking about this.
- Okay, then just listen.
Look, I know what Amelia did was wrong.
But you care about her, which means at some point, you're gonna have to stop punishing her and start forgiving her.
I'm the chief of staff. 
I can't make exceptions to the rules just because I care about someone.
I'm not saying you should, just... do it by the book.
Let her take the test, check to see if she's still drinking.
She's an addict, Sheldon.
Maybe.
But if this were any other surgeon, would you be holding her to the same standard?
♪
♪ I'm meant to be free ♪
- Hey.
- Hey.
Mwah.
You're late. 
Boys night out must have been fun.
Yeah, I wanted to make sure Coop got home in one piece, so I had the cab drop him off first.
That drunk, huh?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah?
But he had a good time, though.
I had a good time.
Jake had a good time, too.
Wait, Jake went?
Yeah, I invited him.
He's cool.
I think that you're wrong about him.
I know that you don't think he's a good fit for the practice, but he's a good doctor.
He's a skilled doctor.
And we all work long, hard hours, and to have someone around that everybody likes
I think is a good thing.
I know, I know that you miss Naomi.
I miss Naomi, too.
But I think that you're wrong about him.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Can we stop now, talking about Naomi and...
Sure.
Jake?
Mm-hmm.
Mm.
Mm. 
Did you-- Did you buy some condoms?
You know I don't like to wear those.
I know, but this is not--
This is not about fashion, Sam.
Okay, okay.
I'll be careful.
I'll be careful.
I'll be real careful.
No, no. 
Come on.
We're not in high school in the back of my parents' Mercedes, Sam.
You know...
No glove, no love.
I'm serious.
Hey. 
Wow.
That's a lot of pills.
He's gonna have to take them every day for a year.
A year.
Scary. 
The whole thing must be terrifying to both of you.
Uh, it's not terrifying, Sheldon.
It's, um...
Life-altering, totally and completely.
This kind of thing changes everything.
Will you talk to me about something else?
Really? 
Because the reason I came in here is to talk about Pete and the fact that I don't think he's ready to be back here.
You think you're saying anything that I don't know?
You think anything else occupies my mind right now except the fact that he should not be here?
Okay. 
Something else.
Uh, did you know that Sam and Addison moved in together?
And she still wants to have a baby?
Well, she thinks she's gonna compartmentalize Sam and her pregnancy plans and--
Okay, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait. 
Okay.
So...
So she wants to have a baby, but not with Sam, who happens to be the guy that she's living with and sleeping with, and he doesn't want to have a baby, so she's gonna have one with a sperm donor?
And she's gonna deal with IVF and hormonal fluctuations, and then at the same time, she's taken over the practice, so she's gonna have to run this place and handle all of us and...
How did you let this happen?
Me?
Well, I was home with Pete.
You couldn't have weighed in?
You couldn't have advised against this catastrophic decision that's ultimately going to affect everyone who works here?
No, this is a hazard of our trade, this thing where we always think six steps ahead.
I mean, our friends make decisions, and we're shrinks, so our brains automatically analyze those decisions and project psychologically based eventualities, most of which come true, and we-- we can't control that.
But maybe we can control this or at least influence it.
The only thing we can control is whether or not we say what we're thinking to our friends.
And when we weigh in, you know what happens?
What happens is, they do what they're gonna do anyway because they're in love and because people are flawed and because human beings require pain
- in order to learn and grow-- 
- So you don't think there's anything that we could say to them to help them?
When you say every shrink thought that you ever had out loud, you become the "I told you so" friend.
Doesn't help anybody.
Excuse me.
Dr. Montgomery.
You don't want me to join the practice because Sam is your boyfriend, right?
How did you-- Who told you?
It doesn't matter.
Did...
Did you say any--
No, I didn't say anything about Fiji.
Thank you.
And just so you know, when you invited me,
Sam and I, we were-- We were broken up.
Just forget it, okay?
That-- that whole thing.
That whole thing?
This is awkward for me.
You have to understand that.
I'm not using you as a fertility doctor despite the fact that you're the best in the city.
That should tell you something.
Addison, believe me when I say this--
I like your practice and the people in it, and that's all.
And if you hire me, I will never, ever hit on you.
I won't even look your way.
Oh, and, uh...
I joined the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, so you're fresh out of excuses.
It's decaf.
Great.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's time for your meds.
How are you?
Mm. 
Fine.
I mean, I can see that you're physically fine, but I was just wondering, how does it feel to be back at work?
- Because, uh, I was talking to Sheldon-- 
- You wanna know how I feel?
You want to know how I honestly feel?
I feel like I can't get away from you.
I feel like you're smothering me.
Isn't it enough that you're my wife and my nursemaid?
You want to be my shrink?
Go home, Violet.
Go home and be a mother to our son, because I don't want you here!
And you don't have patients.
You don't have a license.
You have no business here, Violet.
Go home!
I know it must have been difficult coming in here.
You were certainly persistent.
Well, I thought it might be helpful to explain the new protocols we've put into place to prevent something like this from happening in the future.
Is that supposed to make us feel better, that you worked the kinks out of the system?
- Robert, let's just hear her out.
- No.
This was a mistake.
Dr. King?
Dr. King, I-I just wanted to say thank you for everything you've done for Kerri.
Uh, do you have time to see her?
Well, I was showing the Westons out.
As soon as I'm done...
You're the parents.
Oh, my God.
I can't thank you enough.
What you've done for-- for my family,
- uh, for Kerri-- 
- How-- how is she?
She's, uh...
She's getting better.
I don't even remember the last time I said that.
You know, I-
- I'm sure she'd love to meet you.
Please.
Come on.
How did you--
Had nothing to do with me.
I was just walking the Westons to the elevator.
They ran into each other.
You know, the elevator's actually--
You were wrong, Cooper.
Breaking into my computer, stealing that cord blood--
Regardless of the outcome, you were wrong.
You better pray Matt Weston never needs that blood, because you're not God.
It's not your job to play God.
Charlotte--
I made this go away because I love you.
But if you ever screw with me again, if you ever cross me like this,
I'll report you to the cops and let 'em throw your sorry ass in jail.
The fast one.
Which one is faster, truck or car?
The truck go...
Truck.
Yeah.
So, um...
I-I don't know what my job is anymore.
As a doctor, your wife...
I...
I don't know what my job is, but, uh, but you're right that, um, that I can't be your therapist.
So... that means that, uh, you really need to get one.
'Cause you were mean.
You were really mean.
And I will be your wife and I will be your nursemaid, as much as neither of us likes it, but...
I'm not gonna be your punching bag.
So...
You need someone to talk to about whatever it is you're going through.
You need help.
Okay, buddy.
It's bedtime.
Want me to carry you?
Night-night, daddy.
♪
- Can you say night-night?
- Night-night.
Night-night.
♪
♪ dig a pit and put your bones below ♪
What is that?
A breathalyzer.
Blow into it.
What?
It was your idea.
You want to be on next week's surgical rotation, right?
♪ ...
Telegraph ♪
♪ with an epitaph in tow ♪
♪ Who's got the time ♪
♪ Before they die? 
♪
You're back on the schedule.
♪ You've got... ♪
Thanks.
♪ Some nerve ♪
I was gonna go to a meeting on my way home.
Headed to one myself.
There's one near ocean park.
If we left now, we could--
Thanks, but I'd rather go solo.
♪
♪
Hey, sorry I'm late.
Mm.
I picked up some dinner on the way home.
Oh, good. 
I'm starving.
- Hey.
- Hi.
♪
Um, so I hired Jake.
Really?
Yeah. 
I thought about it, and, uh, it's the right thing to do.
Hmm. 
Oh, uh...
I picked those up.
Mm-hmm.
Sam.
I thought about it, and it's the right thing to do.
♪ You've got some nerve ♪
Mm.
♪ Leaving your words behind ♪
Oh. 
Do you hear that?
I don't hear a thing.
I know.
No music.
Mnh-mnh.
No party, no hot guy stumbling home.
Amelia must have had a long day.
Finally, some peace and quiet for us tonight.
Mm. 
Mm.
Mnh-mnh.
♪
♪ you've gotta a mouth to feed ♪
♪ and minds to read ♪
♪ hearts that bleed ♪
♪ so let your body need ♪
♪ somebody ♪
♪ like you belong to me ♪
I cheated on Derek.
That's why he moved to the woods.
I slept with his best friend, he caught us, he physically removed me from our apartment in Manhattan...
And he moved to the woods.
But I didn't cheat on Sam.
No, I met Jake when Sam and I were broken up.
So there's nothing to confess.
There's no reason to be scared.
I don't want to lose Sam, but...
No, I'm not scared.
I'm...
Wow.
Okay, I may be delusional, but...
I swear to God... ♪ Leave your words... ♪
For the first time in a long time... ♪ Behind ♪
I'm happy.

Flight 1171 has landed from Bangkok.
Please exit at gate 3.
Thank you.
A FILM BY VERONICA KEDAR
Hi.
SIVAN LEVY
It's nice to meet you.
VERONICA KEDAR
I'm not very good with new people, but I'll do my best.
ROMI ABOULAFIA
My name is Joe and I grew up in New York.
My parents moved to Israel when I was a kid.
God knows why and I stayed here.
So this is me back in Tel Aviv.
The city I hate in a country I have nothing to do with.
I dream of getting the fuck out of here one day.
but...
I also know that no matter where I'll go
I'll always feel fucked, so...
I just stay.
- PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL -
EDITED BY DANIEL KEYSARY
MUSIC BY DAPHNA KEENAN
ARTISTIC DESIGN BY MARINA GOREVICH
WRITTEN BY VERONICA KEDAR  STAV DAVIS
I missed you, honey.
Your dad and I ordered your favorite meal.
Thank you, mom.
A Quassam Rocket landed an hour ago next to a kindergarten in Sderot.
A six year old was wounded and taken to a hospital near by.
I played this for a polish couple in the back.
They asked me who the singer is.
So I told them it's Paul Anka.
They said 'no way'.
I told them 'it's Paul Anka'.
Paul Anka? 
We don't know him.
Later I got it.
They were polish.
They thought he was a polish singer, Paul Anka.
Sderot and the Gaza strip have been under attack for the past eight years.
Besides the trauma, the residents have also been physically hurt.
We spoke to a young mother.
Tom...
Tommy...
Look at him.
A seven year old afraid to leave his bed since the IDF started the attack.
He wets the bed...
You shouldn't be listening to this.
Dad is on his way.
Is he bringing Fred?
Why are you being weird?
Honey, Fred...
No, mom...
He ran away.
But he's not good with roads.
He'll get run over.
I'm sorry, honey.
Who let him out?
- Belle, no one did it on purpose.
Who?
Who!
?
No wonder he ran away.
Belle, where are you going?
Hello.
Hello.
Hold on...
Yes, yes.
My friend just got back from abroad with presents.
Fine.
Yes, yes. 
In a minute.
Sure, honey. 
Fine, I'll...
We'll talk about it later.
Bye.
Watch it. 
I have to pee.
Pee here.
- No, I'll pee at home.
Okay.
Well...
Did you get me some Thai-Fun?
- Yes.
Here you go.
Lets go open it.
This is me.
These are my parents.
This is where we live and these...
- Good thing you're not shooting him.
...are the Quassam Rockets.
- I would if I could.
Wait, do you still have my gun?
Yes. 
Don't worry.
He's safe in the microwave.
Come on.
- Fine, fine. 
Go already.
I'll get the package ready for tomorrow, for Eilat.
What Eilat?
What do I look like to you?
A dealer on her way to Eilat.
That's what you are.
No, no, no...
Come help tonight at the 'Dark Eighties?
I'll be there at eleven and arrive depressed.
You have nine new messages.
Hey Joe, it's Matan.
I've been calling for two weeks.
Why aren't you answering?
You haven't returned my calls and thats...
I just want my stuff back.
Call me.
Quiet.
Hello.
Who the fuck and what the fuck?
Get out of my bathtub.
Get out of here!
I'll call the police!
This is my apartment.
- Yours?
Yes. 
That's my tub and my razor and my apartment.
Who are you and what... hold on.
What a relief.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know you live here.
Don't get mad at me.
I'm not mad.
I mean, I am.
I just don't understand how you got in.
Through the window.
From a distance it looked open but then I came closer and saw it was closed and I really wanted to come in.
Don't get mad at me.
I'm not good with windows.
That razor blade is filthy.
You can catch diseases from it.
It's fine, really.
I was going to commit suicide.
Oh, I thought you were just shaving your veins.
Are you being cynical?
Yes.
Okay.
Alright, I have to take a shower and go.
So may I?
Do you mind?
Can I come with you?
- No.
But I have nowhere to go.
- Don't you have a family?
Friends, cousins, anything?
Give me that.
I'm going soon.
So should you.
If you don't take me home with you, I'll kill myself.
That's not my problem, okay?
- Yes it is if you're the last person I spoke to before I did it.
I'm not kidding around.
After I kill myself, you'll think of this conversation every night and you'll dream of me in your worst nightmares and I'll be the greatest tragedy of your life.
- Hold on, okay?
Hey, hey...
Honey, you didn't pay.
Hey, where are you going?
She'll pay.
You're not coming over.
You have one new message.
Fuck off.
- Hi, Joe. 
I'm getting sick of this.
You fuck off and you...
are not coming over.
You worked hard all week, now come rest in our home.
We'll just sit over coffee, we'll talk about nonsense.
I will not go to sleep tonight.
Tell me you're happy, tell me you're enjoying the everyday life.
Your happiness is almost my happiness.
I will not go to sleep.
Tonight.
Take all of my blanket, even if I'll get cold.
All the movies in the world are colored in black and white.
No one will disturb us.
Hey Joe.
Have I told you how sexy you are when you screen my calls?
She's screening my calls.
She keeps screening my calls, that bitch.
Matan, let it go.
Pick up your things tomorrow.
She doesn't want to see you, okay?
I want to see you.
I just... 
I just want to get some things from our apartment.
Her apartment.
- Our old apartment.
Why am I going crazy over this?
I'll just go there.
Did you tell her?
Tomorrow.
I swear, okay?
- You're a fucking liar!
No, really. 
Tomorrow.
Bye.
She'll kill you.
It won't be a first.
A Quassam lands in Annael's room and destroys everything inside...
A 'Pink Bitch' pack and make it fast.
Really fast or really really fast?
Come on, come on.
Really, come on.
On the fifth day of the operation, the IDF bombs Gaza and more Quassams land in Sderot.
The anxiety, the fear...
Honey!
Your wallet.
Hi Joe
I can play games too.
I love you.
I'm going crazy, why don't you answer?
I still have some things at your place.
I think I still have feelings for you.
I've been calling for two weeks.
I think I'll drop by to pick up my tapes.
Are you home tonight?
Where are you?
I really want to see you, Joe.
I forgive you for everything.
I think I'll drop by to get my stuff.
Where are you?
Why can't you answer?
I miss you so much.
I really want to see you, Joe.
I really want to see you, Joe.
Which do you want, babe?
A tongue or a lighter?
You're not Joe.
Give it.
Give it.
Give it.
Hey.
What's going on there?
- What?
I heard screaming from your apartment.
Quiet, Happy!
No way.
What do you mean 'no way'?
I know what I heard.
I'm not crazy.
- No one said that you're crazy.
It's probably the TV.
The TV?
- Yes.
The TV? 
Are you kidding?
You think I don't know what I heard?
Look at Happy.
She's hysterical.
She's having an anxiety attack.
It's a home theater sound system.
It sounds very real.
'Sound system'.
Ever since you moved in there's been trouble.
Noise all the time.
Upstairs, downstairs.
Like a circus.
Like a zoo.
It's disgusting.
Hey, whatever your name is.
Are you okay? 
Was he here?
Don't be mad at me.
I took some food from your fridge.
- Hebrew, girl.
Did you he yell at you?
A tongue or a lighter.
Fuck.
Don't be mad at me.
Tell me you're happy, tell me you're enjoying the everyday life.
Your happiness is almost my happiness.
I will not go to sleep.
Tonight.
You have no new messages.
This is me.
These are my parents.
This is where we live and these are the Quassam Rockets.
This isn't a war.
This is our reality.
Joe, right?
I'm Belle.
How come your name is Joe?
Do you want a cigarette?
Come on, smoke.
You like smoking.
What's wrong with you?
Staring won't help us.
Don't be mad at me, okay?
You were stuck on a bad channel, I'm sorry.
It's better this way, isn't it?
It's better like this, right?
We need something like that.
Right, it looks new new and barely used.
We're not buying a car for fun.
- For the guy you killed.
We both killed him by accident. 
You were there.
Why are you angry?
- I have no way of dealing with this.
Here, I'm helping you.
- You're helping?
You fucked me over.
This is both of our faults.
Couldn't you kill yourself at your parents' house like a normal person?
Do you want me to go?
No. 
Don't go.
Are you selling?
Do you see a sale sign?
I'm selling.
Interested?
In what?
Get out of my car.
I have something for you.
Really?
What about your friend?
Is she included?
Leave the engine running.
Well, come on.
I'm waiting.
Excuse me.
I had to.
You said you're not selling.
You can get mad if you want to.
Where are the keys?
Come on 
- Lets go.
What?
You drive.
I don't have a license.
Neither do I. 
- You're kidding.
No.
No, no, no.
- Come on. 
Can't you...
You're a drug dealer.
- But you're from France.
Give me back my keys, you bitch!
- Run! 
Run!
Fuck you, you fucking whore!
You slut, I'll find you and I'll fuck you up!
No!
Son of a bitch.
It's not nice to act this way.
It's open.
- SUPERINTENDENT TZEDEK -
What's up, Abigailgail?
What's the soup of the day?
- Pasta.
Any cocaine?
Is that all I am to you, Tzedek?
Tzedek.
Tzedek.
Tzedek, stop.
I told you I'm seeing someone.
If there's something I'm good at as district head officer it's to smell a good lie and you're a fucking liar.
I didn't say it was something steady.
But it's enough for me to not have sex with you on the couch.
Who needs the couch?
Look at this beautiful wall.
Not on the wall either.
You haven't paid up in a while, a girl's got to eat.
And a guy's got to fuck.
Hello.
Matan's machine is broken.
This is his refrigerator.
Leave a message and I'II hang it on myself with a magnet.
Great. 
Matan.
You haven't called since you went to Joe's.
I really hope you didn't make a mistake.
Mistakes will cost you, Matan.
I'm sick of your little games, you hear me?
If you want to, you want to and if you don't then don't.
I'm sick of this already.
I'll fucking kill you over this, you hear me?
I'm sick of your games.
I'm not a toy, Matan!
I'm not a toy, okay?
I'll fucking kill you.
You hear me?
What are you doing?
Great.
Where is he?
- What? 
You heard?
What?
- I need your help.
You slept with him.
- What are you on about?
We're together.
I love him. 
I truly love him.
Great. 
I'm very happy for you.
Tell me about him when we meet, okay?
I was so afraid to tell you.
Listen, I need you to come over with your van.
No, I'm in the middle of something.
In the middle of what?
I'm crying.
Abigail.
Fine, I'll come over.
I'll leave in a minute.
Okay, we'll talk about him on the way.
I'll take your mind off things, okay?
Bye.
What are you doing?
I heard my six year old daughter tell her friends in first grade
"When I die, will you put flowers on my grave?"
He's really heavy.
- He always was.
...about wars and Quassams and arabs that want to kill her every day.
Fuck.
There is nothing worse than a broken heart.
We spend our lives thinking that we finally understand it.
Each time our heart is broken it feels like the very first time.
Hey, where are you?
Are you coming?
Come on already, I'm waiting for you.
Is that a dead body?
But it's covered with blood.
She's on her way.
I know it's a bad idea for you to tell me, but I need you to tell me.
Can you tell me who it is?
Before I tell you, I just want you to know mistakes happen, okay?
Things happen.
Even things like this.
Things get out of hand.
You just...
This was obvious.
I knew this would happen.
It was inevitable.
I knew the minute he comes over, it would happen.
What? 
Is that how you see me?
- I guess so!
I guess...
I guess that's how I see you.
- No.
No, no, no.
I didn't want this to happen, it just happened, okay?
I re-run it in my head.
- Just happened.
I came home and he was lying there...
I don't want to hear the details.
You think I want to hear about it?
- You asked me, so I told you.
Just tell me what he said.
A tongue or a lighter.
What did you say?
A tongue or a lighter.
Who's under the sheet?
I thought you understood.
- Joe, who's under the sheet!
?
You know who it is!
Can we drive?
I feel uncomfortable.
What did you think we were talking about?
About you sleeping with Matan.
Why would I do that?
Because you don't know I'm sleeping with him.
What?
!
- What did you think I was talking about?
I don't know.
About that officer of yours.
Shut up already.
I'm cold.
Joe?
What?
Are those the sheets I asked you to wash when my machine broke down?
Yes.
Great.
What?
- Great.
Thanks a lot.
Why'd you break up?
I slept with someone taller a stronger and he also smelled better.
That's horrible.
Why?
It's hard to resist temptation.
You know how it goes.
No.
I would never cheat on my girlfriend.
Girlfriend?
With a vagina and everything?
- Yes, it comes with the legs.
Yuck.
Are you still...
Yuck?
She left.
She said I depress her and then I only depressed myself
and then they sent me to the happy house.
Because you like vaginas?
- Because I tried to kill myself.
Did you really think you'll die?
It didn't matter.
I wanted something red that I can control.
No one can overpower me when I'm in the bath tub with my skin out.
Yuck.
Feeling any better?
No.
But we have to go.
There's a party.
- What party?
A ladies, coke and pills party.
Sales in the rest room only.
Okay, Joe?
Because these ugly dykes stick cameras everywhere and then post everything in their blogs and the whole world jerks off to it including the police.
Got it?
Good. 
Next.
Come on.
By the way, who is that?
She tried to kill herself in my bath tub.
Why doesn't anyone attempt suicide in my tub?
What?
Making friends?
Are you jealous?
- Just curious.
Tzedek, it's Abigail.
- My wife is beside me!
Tzedek, listen to me.
- Why are you calling so late?
Something horrible has happened.
Does it really disgust you?
No, it gives me a pleasant nausea.
God save me from this song.
If you weren't so cynical you'd be crying by now.
If I weren't so cynical I'd probably attempt suicide and end up institutionalized.
Do you want to dance?
Dance...
So... what's up?
Do you want to dance?
The girl with grey T-shirt.
What about her?
- Is she looking at us?
Yes.
- Good.
Did she dump you?
- Yes, that russian whore.
She don't even know how to say 'I love you'.
How does she say it?
- I'm in loving for you.
That's beautiful.
That's beautiful.
I want her dead.
The girl I was sitting with?
Is she back?
Who?
The girl I was with.
Is she looking at us?
There no one there.
Where were you?
You're not good at disappearing, are you?
Unlike you.
Where were you?
I think it's best if we split.
There's a better chance of us getting caught, if we stay together.
So I think you better go home.
Why are you like this?
- I'm not your friend, Belle.
We had a mutual problem and we fixed it and... that's it.
How much?
Between 100-150 kilos but I'm working on it.
For the room.
- Oh, the room.
The room is 250.
You girls are charming. 
Really.
I haven't seen two charming girls like you in a long time.
Cousins? 
Sisters?
Lovers.
This is where we live and these are the Quassam Rockets.
This isn't a war.
Fuck off.
- This is our reality.
Right after this, updates from Sderot and how to give our kids their childhood back despite the Quassam Rockets.
I'm turning this off.
Don't you care what's going on in your country?
- This isn't my country.
The water is great.
- Good.
What's wrong?
This song is really getting to me.
Why are you crying?
I'm crying because if I hadn't gone out for cigarettes this would have never happened.
We're fucked, Belle.
We're really, really... fucked.
Can you turn this shit off?
I can't handle it.
What... what... what are you doing?
I'm also crying.
But why are you crying?
This is all my fault.
It really is sad.
So...
So why did you kiss her?
Who?
That girl from before.
At the club.
She asked me to. 
She wanted to make some girl jealous.
Me?
No. 
Her girlfriend who told her
'I'm in loving for you'.
That... that...
That's beautiful.
That line.
It's a beautiful line.
Score.
I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd get jealous.
I mean I hoped you'd be.
But I didn't...
I didn't really think you could get jealous.
So I got a little jealous.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
You have to be gentle.
Okay.
So...
How do we do this?
Should I stop?
- No.
Lets do it some more.
Open up, please.
It's the police.
Happy?
So you just got here?
Yes.
and you're drunk?
Totally.
There was a fight in the parking lot.
Some arguement.
A man was stabbed to death.
Oh, no.
We're looking for someone who saw or heard anything.
Well, it's not us. 
See...
We would love to assist the police, but... we didn't do anything.
I mean, we didn't hear anything.
Asi, Asi.
Hello? 
Asi?
Excuse me for a second.
Yes, Shlomtzi.
Did you find anything?
No. 
But forget it.
're ow looking for two females.
One wearing skinny jeans and a Doors shirt.
The other wearing a green dress and high heels.
A bit full.
- Full?
One of them has a heart tattooed on her hand.
What did they do?
- Drugs and murder.
Listen, Asi.
Tzedek is calling for me.
Don't be mad at me.
Where could she go?
Try to think.
Think...
- I don't know, Tzedek.
I don't know.
- Okay.
Where does she live?
On Ha Mahoga Street.
Great.
Shlomtzi.
Send a unit to Ha Mahoga Street.
Yes.
Anything else?
Yes, you know what?
She told me she dumped the body in the 'Yarkon' stream.
People are disgusting.
Repulsing.
Why in the stream?
Why in there?
You know how filthy it is?
- Tzedek.
Do you know how much garbage there is down there?
Lets focus on our goal, okay?
Give me a break.
Double.
Okay.
Hold on.
Yes.
Why?
Yes. 
I'll be right there.
What was that?
Blood in her apartment.
Bullshit. 
Come on.
Lets make a toast.
- No, no. 
I...
It's good for you. 
Lets make a toast.
- Thanks. 
But I feel sick.
Abi, drink up. 
It's good for you.
- Stop it. 
I just told you I feel sick.
I'm about to throw up.
A woman was killed this morning by a direct quassam hit in her home.
Hello!
You see?
I told you he's not dead.
The parents, living in Paris, were notified this morning.
And now Sport updates.
I hope you don't take this personally.
We are not going to hurt you.
We just...
We just want to talk to you, okay?
Fuck you!
We're in trouble and we don't know what to do.
What's your name?
Fuck you too!
The both of you!
You better release me if, you know what's good for you.
Listen, I know you don't want to help us.
But what are the odds of you understanding us?
Zero point my dick!
Belle.
What's so funny?
What do you expect to do when I'm tied to a Jacuzzi?
Release me, this is the last thing I need right now!
And how do you think I feel?
Do you think I'm enjoying this?
Do you think I'm having fun?
Come on.
What now?
Stop it! 
Release me!
I swear on my mother's grave I'll kill you and I'll fuck you
I'll break you, you whore.
Two lesbian bitches that fuck all day...
To zero point his dick.
You whores, you sluts.
Fuck, fuck, fuck your mother
I hope God shits on you.
I bet you he's single.
Release me!
- Of course he is.
You're fucking crazy.
No, it won't work like this.
You must consider... a make-over.
Burn in hell, jerk offs.
I spit on you, whores.
I spit on you.
Abigail, it's Joe.
Joe, baby.
Where are you?
I'm on my way to Eilat.
I want to spread the stuff.
What stuff?
- The drugs.
What's wrong with you?
Don't you want to drop by?
I'm...
I'm a little... lonely.
I'm already on the bus.
Why do you sound weird?
On the bus. 
Okay.
Abigail, are you alone?
Alone? 
No, why alone?
Who could I be with?
What?
You can drop the search.
She's in Eilat.
Sister, I was here.
I know.
She has one leg and... only one finger in the other leg.
- One finger only?
Yes.
- No.
Isn't it too dangerous?
I guess if God wanted us dead, he would have killed us by now.
Right?
Don't worry.
It's the city of refuge.
Go on, drive.
We're waiting for Abigailgail.
She's joining us?
Of course.
She's the key witness.
I don't...
I don't recall witnesses driving around wit us last time.
Why do we need to hang out with her?
Doesn't she have a cell phone?
She has a cell phone.
Everything is fine.
Good. 
We can reach her on the phone, you know.
What's wrong with you?
- What's wrong with me?
I don' trust her.
She not trustable.
She's trustable. 
It's fine.
Don't worry, Shlomtzi.
Believe me.
Take some valium.
Everything will be fine.
Okay.
This conversation is over, okay?
Okay.
I heard you.
You don't have to tell me twice.
I understand your point.
There's no use discussing it furthermore.
I got you.
Completely.
I caught the drift.
Fine.
End of discussion.
End of discussion.
End of discussion.
End of discussion.
Is she sitting here?
Or am I?
There's no one around.
Right, there's no one around.
[QUASSAM ALERT] COLOR RED
Feel this.
Here too.
Are you sure she said Eilat?
Shlomtzi.
Any news?
Tzedek, I don't know how to break it to you, but we're morons.
Key witness!
- THE FALAFEL KING -
Are you lesbianating?
What?
- Are you lesbianating?
The stage of which the straight girl's horniness an hour after her first lesbian act, is directed toward girls.
The lesbianation stage.
Bon Apetite.
Cool. 
Can I sit with you?
I usally don't eat so much.
It's just that ever since they closed the Egypt border
I can't score any, get it?
So I eat.
Sorry for all the...
That's me, you know.
What are you into?
Anything you have works for me, honey.
It's so nice of you to ask.
I think I...
I think I can fix you up.
Great.
You wanted clothes, you got it.
Sweetness.
Cool.
So you live here?
Yes.
Every time the alarm goes off me and my friends come down here have a few puffs and chill out.
Yeah, it's cool.
During the day I'm at the Falafel.
Eating.
Want some?
No?
No?
Well, how much is it?
No, no.
It's free. 
I quit.
It's all yours.
You... 
They should call you Goldie.
Your heart is like a gold mine.
With gold, you know?
And you... you're so hot.
If I could get up, I'd bang you on the wall.
You're so hot, you know?
By the way there's an open mic night tonight.
It will be... drop by.
It will be cool.
Maybe. 
We'll talk.
- Cool.
Take this, alright?
Can't you catch?
You little smurf.
I can't take a car from you.
What car?
What's wrong with you?
Who talked about cars?
Did I say anything about a car?
You see?
Driving is easy.
I love it here.
Everyone's calm.
Too bad there's no radio.
What will they talk about on the radio?
About nothing happening in Tel Aviv?
Fuck.
What does he want?
I'm not in the way.
Should we pull over or keep going?
There's no cliff, Belle.
If we keep going, we'll get to 'Netivot' and that's not a good place to end up in.
Hi girls.
Hi officer.
Hi.
Were we driving too fast?
Were we driving too weird?
Did we do anything to anyone?
Isn't this Chubby Yoni's electric scooter?
Yes.
He gave it to us.
Really?
Just like that?
- I used to go out with him and she used to go out with him before I went out with him.
I hope this happened long ago, eh?
Well, I'm not here to arrest you for murder or anything.
Have you been invited to our open mic night?
Yes, we heard about that.
We're trying to get back to buisness.
Okay.
Thanks a lot.
Drop by.
- Thanks.
Fuck, he scared me.
Are you alright?
You look a bit catatonic.
I want to live!
Wouldn't it be nice to pack everything.
To get on a plane to Paris.
There everyone speaks french.
In the general lines
I take all the moments
Hi.
Hi.
Bushmills, please.
'Bushmills, please' on it's way.
and throw everything out the door.
"VACANT APARTMENT WE ESCAPED TO TELAVIV"
Thank you.
Can I have details about the ad?
Enjoy.
We have an apartment.
- Hi girls.
Thanks for coming.
- Hi.
An apartment.
- An officer.
An apartment.
An apartment.
How can you do this to me?
Look, Abigail.
Blood in the van.
Your sheets.
The pink ones.
The cell phone messages.
There's an explanation.
- An explanation.
Fine, I get it.
He wasn't there for you.
He preferred your best friend, his ex.
Believe me
I'd rather throw her and her crazy friend in the slammer and fuck you on the couch.
But it's not possible.
- Tzedek, they fucked me over.
They fucked me over.
Can't you see that?
I didn't do it.
I didn't do it.
I just helped them dump the body to the stream.
- You're so kind, you know that?
You're so kind.
- Tzedek.
It's me, me.
You know me.
Could I do something like this?
No, really.
How could you do this to me?
I loved him.
Look, I came in the middle of the night.
I sent a chopper and sent people and all this all this for you.
Tzedek, I really appreciate it.
And then I suddenly see it.
All of a sudden it pops into my head.
You took my trust stabbed it in the back, poured hot water on it and fucked it's sister.
How do you think that makes me feel?
Hi.
All right.
If you want to vote for Tami order a Red Bull.
If you liked Arik order a beer.
To vote for off-key Yoni get a burger, fries, a diet coke and a life.
Meirav, for my mom's sake...
Lets not get into your mom.
It's too crowded there.
Who wants to go up?
May I?
Cool.
You're so sweet.
So sweet.
Sderot resident, Eli Levy, commented on the damage to his property.
"If a Quassam rocket landed in Tel Aviv things would be different."
A VERONICA KEDAR FILM
PRODUCED BY VERONICA KEDAR  AMIR FISHMAN
SCREENPLAY VERONICA KEDAR  STAV DAVIS
CINEMATOGRAPHER RON HAIMOV
EDITOR DANIEL KEYSARY
ORIGINAL SCORE DAPHNA KEENAN
I hate it when it happens during sunset.

How many times have I warned you your hatred would cost you your faith?
The hostage has now been identified as Erica Evans.
I have no illusions I'm gonna walk out of here alive.
- You and Fierro must.
- You want me to leave?
- Prove me right about you, Erica.
- You betrayed your friends.
I can never forgive you.
I have an assignment for you. 
Bring this within 100 yards of Eli Cohn's building.
If you had stopped the Fifth Column, then maybe Dad would be alive!
Tyler.
I can't tell you how sorry I am about your father's death.
Thomas tells me you've adapted nicely to life on the mother ship.
You've embraced the pilot training program.
Yes. 
Everything's been great up here.
Thank you.
Before one can begin deep-space flight all pilots must take one final physical examination.
A formality, of course.
It all starts here.
The examination will assess Tyler's DNA to assure he's medically ready.
Have Joshua report back with the results.
- Yes, my Queen.
- Finally, everything's falling into place.
Eli Cohn and Fifth Column have been obliterated.
Marcus will recover from his injuries.
And Concordia moves forward.
Landing sites for breeding ships can begin construction.
And with Tyler aboard, we can begin the next phase of interbreeding.
I'm surprised you didn't bring a hatbox.
Heh. 
Don't worry, I won't crowd your closet space.
I'll leave plenty of room for all your cool black T-shirts.
- Yeah.
- Look, Hobbes thanks for the offer to let me stay here.
It's only temporary until I can find a place.
Twelve years in the church, my whole life fits into two duffel bags.
What's the over-under on you killing each other within the week?
Erica, I've been trying to reach you.
- You okay?
- I'm fine. 
Thanks.
Have you talked to Tyler?
Not since Joe's funeral.
He's on the ship.
Won't return my calls.
I don't wanna talk about it. 
I'm sorry.
Who the hell's that?
That is Fierro. 
Eli's man.
I asked him to meet us here.
You gave him my address?
We need to trust this guy.
He's our only conduit in the army we need to take Anna down.
You are still on bereavement leave.
Are you ready to jump back into this?
Anna wants a war?
I'm gonna give her one. 
Let him in.
John Fierro, this is Kyle Hobbes, Jack Landry. 
My top lieutenants.
Good to meet you.
Well, I walked through fire with Eli.
If he trusted you, so do I.
I'm glad to hear it.
Because I'm ready to assume leadership of the Fifth Column as Eli requested.
There's a group of trusted lieutenants from around the world.
Eli relied on them.
In the wake of his death, they're gathering in Bangkok.
You need to be there.
Fake IDs have gotten me in and out of the East a time or two.
I guess we're going to Bangkok.
How do we get started?
Vitals are excellent, but his phosphorus levels are not as high as they need to be.
Red Rain should have infused him with phosphorus for interbreeding.
Every human's biology is unique.
Tyler's body appears to be rejecting the surge of phosphorus.
Administer a concentrated dose to him.
I cannot guarantee Tyler will absorb enough to make him viable.
We may have to alter our plans.
Have the backup candidates been tested?
Rafael, a young man from Barcelona.
He is our most promising.
Arrange for Rafael to visit with Lisa.
What if she rejects him?
Lisa will breed with whomever I tell her to.
Tyler, you're gonna be a great pilot.
Really? 
I passed my physical?
Yes.
In fact, Thomas says you're ready for your first overnight flight.
Thank you. 
Thank you so much.
Go get ready.
Tyler, I'm counting on you.
It'll be easier to explore Rafael's potential with him out of the way.
Administer phosphorus injection to Tyler. 
See how he responds.
And if his levels remain low?
Then unfortunately for him he is no longer of use to us.
We respected Eli.
But his decision to hand over leadership was unilateral and unnecessary.
We already have many plans in motion, Agent Evans.
Including a strike to avenge Eli's death.
The suicide bombings, the attacks against innocent humans you're throwing pebbles at a giant.
- I told you this was a waste of time.
- Stop.
If we are going to defeat the V's, we need to change tactics.
Eli died at the hands of the Visitors because his plan didn't work.
We are going to bring this war to Anna.
I have contacts on her ship.
Access that you don't have, that you will never have.
Eli chose her to lead.
We owe it to him to give her a chance.
Present us with a plan. 
If not, leadership will pass to someone who's already proven their worth.
Tyler's very excited about the pilot training program.
He leaves on his first overnight trip tonight.
All of your plans are coming together.
Tyler hasn't spoken to his mother in over a week.
We are finally becoming his family.
In the meantime, I have an assignment for you.
While Tyler is away, you will meet a young man named Rafael.
I want you to entertain him.
What about Tyler?
If he senses my disloyalty to him, it could upset everything.
My plans for Tyler are none of your concern.
You will entertain Rafael.
Don't question me again.
Hi. 
How'd the meeting go?
Eli Cohn's lieutenants don't think I have what it takes to lead them.
We've fought this war on our own before, Erica.
It's bigger than us now, Jack.
If we're going to defeat Anna, we need an army to do it.
How do we do that?
Why are the Visitors here?
If we know what Anna wants, we'll know how to stop her.
Well, we know they want us for breeding.
- But we don't know what that means.
- The live-aboards.
When I interviewed her last week she said the next batch to come up will be the last.
If Anna's stopping live-aboards...
It means she got whatever she needed. 
Question is what?
There might be someone who can help us find out.
Anna's daughter, Lisa. 
She's a friend.
Anna's daughter is working against her?
Anna can never find out.
Get to Lisa. 
Tell her I sent you.
Sid, where are you on the research?
- I reached the scientific community.
- And?
There were cases of boys with part of their DNA missing.
So far, all the ones I've found died as infants.
Keep looking. 
We need to find everything we can about the other boys.
What did Eli tell you about his son's death?
Well, he had me investigate it.
So I started with the doctor who delivered him, Avner Nizani.
Were you able to find Nizani?
He's dead. 
But I kept digging, looked into his practice.
All the babies he delivered 18 years ago, an unusually high number of them died.
Cause of death was listed as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
It's possible those babies died because their DNA was messed with.
They wouldn't have checked for that.
I found a common link between the babies who died.
All their mothers suffered from preeclampsia.
Many of the mothers also were treated by the same specialist, Dr. Veena Rai.
I know her.
She treated me.
- I looked everywhere.
- You couldn't find her?
- No. 
How did you know?
- I couldn't either.
But I reached out, I enlisted help from Eli's contacts around the world.
- Any luck?
- Yeah. 
There's a cop in Hong Kong.
Thinks he's found Dr. Rai.
If it is Rai, she might know what the Visitors did to those boys. 
And why.
I want to talk to Dr. Rai.
We're going to Hong Kong.
Leave us.
Rafael is en route from Barcelona as you requested.
According to his file, his phosphorous levels are ideal.
Joshua, you're one of my most trusted advisors.
What I'm about to ask you requires the utmost discretion.
I'm beginning to sense a weakness in Lisa.
It's possible she is experiencing human emotions.
What can I do to help, my Queen?
Lie to her.
Tell her your memory is returning.
That you recall what it's like to experience human emotions.
Whatever she says or does report to me directly.
It's taken a week for you to decide you can trust me?
I would have come sooner, but my mother watches my every move.
You're under a great deal of pressure as future Queen.
What's troubling you, my dear?
A while ago, my mother instructed me to get close to a boy named Tyler.
Now she's ordered I get close to someone else.
Why would she do that?
Another boy?
Anna must be changing her plans.
You care for this boy, Tyler, don't you?
No. 
Our species is not supposed to have human emotion.
Embrace them, Lisa.
I had to learn the hard way.
Emotions can give you power unlike anything else.
- Lf my mother ever knew, she'd...
- Throw you down here like she did me.
That's why she can never know that you have feelings for Tyler.
For any human being.
What about the other boy?
I don't want to be with him.
You shouldn't have to, Lisa.
But you must protect yourself.
You must convince Anna that you are the loyal and obedient daughter she expects you to be.
Your safety, and our survival, depend on it.
Lisa.
- Chad Decker, WNT News.
- My mother speaks very highly of you.
I've been meaning to talk to Anna about doing an exclusive interview with you.
What it's like being the V First Daughter.
It'd be a great piece.
Whatever my mother wants.
Erica Evans says you might be able to help me.
And why would Mrs. Evans say that?
Because I'm working with her.
I don't know what you mean.
I know the truth, Lisa.
You helped Erica destroy Anna's soldier eggs.
You want to stop your mother, just like I do.
What do you want from me?
I know the live-aboards have been tortured.
You need to help us find out why.
Lives depend on it, Lisa. 
Please.
Lisa, may I have a word?
Joshua, what are you doing here?
As you know, when I was shot, my memory was wiped clean.
Lately, some of it has started to return.
I only remember fragments but I do remember being Fifth Column.
And feeling human emotion.
These memories seem so real.
I want to talk about them.
And I remember that I once did.
With you.
Obviously you remember wrong.
Of course, my Queen.
Forgive me.
Are you kidding? 
Hong Kong cops never heard of a donut shop?
Chicken feet are a delicacy.
You've tracked down someone Eli was looking for.
A Dr. Veena Rai.
Is this who you're looking for?
That's her.
She took a long time to find.
She's living under an assumed name here in Hong Kong.
- Maybe we should pay her a visit.
- Rai lives in a highly secure building.
Police are wired into apartment security.
I can't shut the system down.
I can. 
Hacking is my specialty.
Well, it's one specialty, anyway.
You'll only have a very short window.
The system does internal checks every 15 minutes.
Sounds an alarm if anything is amiss.
Just get us in. 
We need to find out what Rai did to my son.
Hong Kong P.D. Will never know we were there.
Careful.
- So?
- Yeah.
We'll go on Chiang's signal.
All right. 
We're in.
- Yeah?
- Erica. 
We've tapped in.
The monitors will go on a loop.
You've got 15 minutes before the system automatically reboots.
Good to go.
Now.
Let's go.
- Who do you think you are?
- Unh!
- I trusted you.
- Who are you?
You treated me. 
Me and my baby.
Eighteen years ago.
- You were to take care of us.
- You're making a mistake.
I don't know who you are.
Please...
Get her hands.
No.
She's a V.
Let me be very clear.
I am going to skin you slowly from neck to tail until you tell me everything that you did to my son.
And I'm going to keep you alive so that you feel every cut.
Tell me where your safe is.
- Where? 
Where?
- Unh.
The bedroom.
- Show me.
- Come on. 
We gotta move.
It's up there.
Not that one, sweetheart.
The lizard's safe.
Right. 
What's the combination?
We gotta move.
Okay, I need tools. 
Power drill, flashlight, whatever you can find.
Hurry, cops will be here soon.
- Flashlight.
- I've got the drill.
Gonna raise the pressure on the inside till it's higher than the outside.
Trick is not blowing up the contents in the process.
Pretty quick to slice and dice back there, Evans.
- How'd you know Rai was a lizard?
- I didn't.
- I like this new you.
- Heh.
- Impossible.
- Detcord.
I never leave home without it.
Good thing.
- Got that flashlight?
- Yeah.
Thank you.
- Here, your hands are smaller.
- Yeah.
- Obviously.
- Keep going, keep going.
- All the way in.
- Yeah, I got it.
Keep going. 
Like half an inch.
That's good. 
That's good.
- I'll let you finish.
- I'll take it from here, yeah.
It's a holo device.
We found one in Malik's safe.
Go.
It's okay, we've got two minutes.
Thank you.
Jack.
Just hear me out, okay?
What are you gonna say, Ryan, huh?
You lied to us.
- Betrayed us.
- I never gave your names to Anna.
Your actions killed dozens of people.
- Erica's ex is dead because of you.
- You don't think I know that?
Anna had my baby, Jack.
Okay, I made a mistake, but there was nothing else I could do.
No, Ryan. 
You could have told us the truth.
We didn't even know you survived the bombing.
I have to get my baby away from Anna.
I need help.
You know, of all the people I thought you would be the one that understands.
Everybody needs a second chance.
I'm not a priest anymore, Ryan.
It's not my job to absolve you.
Rai visited the same cities over and over for 19 years.
There's 29 boys here.
In 29 cities.
Each one has a mother ship parked over them.
They're there because of those boys.
Oh, my God.
Tyler's not the only one.
- Lf Anna has others...
- That means that Tyler my son, is expendable.
We'll figure it out, Erica.
We'll figure it out, we'll stop her.
And we'll keep Tyler safe.
Any idea what these are?
Prenatal vitamins.
I took those when I was pregnant.
What? 
Why would a doctor keep prenatal vitamins in a safe?
They wouldn't. 
Unless they were trying to hide something.
What the hell was that?
Welcome back.
I thought you were done with the priest routine.
Well, it doesn't work like that.
Wherever I walk, he walks.
Try to keep him contained to your corner, all right?
Why? 
Are you afraid of what he's going to find in yours?
So, uh, how'd it go in Hong Kong?
We found prenatal pills with these freaky metal bugs inside them.
Science boy is taking a look.
Also, seems that Erica's kid isn't the only one that Anna's keeping her eye on.
There are 28 more.
Really?
Erica.
We'll be right there.
Thank you.
Chad Decker.
Chad.
I found out why my mother wanted the live-aboards.
I'm sending you information that will explain it all.
Come here, look at this.
They programmed these things to go after DNA with a Y chromosome.
That's why the pregnant mothers and baby girls weren't affected.
We know what they did, and how they did it, but we still don't know why.
They created empty space in the DNA to put something in, but what?
I think I might know.
Lisa came through.
She downloaded the live-aboards' medical files.
Anna isn't choosing these live-aboards randomly.
She's inviting people up to the ship who are exceptional.
Genetically exceptional.
"High fertility. 
Elevated immunity.
Longevity." And this part:
"Gene extraction complete."
Dates must be when they put the live-aboards into the needle machine.
- Stealing DNA from live-aboards?
She's not just stealing any DNA.
She is harvesting the best of the best.
That's awesome.
I mean, definitely not awesome.
But it explains something that's been driving me crazy.
All right.
This is from Alpha, the V skeleton I found.
His DNA is a hundred times more complex than normal DNA.
But then there's this.
This is Malik's DNA.
It's one thousand times more complex than Alpha's.
- Weird, right?
- Yeah. 
Okay, so?
The genetic evolution from Alpha to Malik should have taken 5000 years.
The V's did it in 50.
Give it to us in English, Einstein.
This explains why the V's didn't just annihilate us.
They need us alive.
They're stealing the best of our DNA.
They're using us to fast-track their own evolution.
Rafael has arrived.
Did you approach Lisa like I asked?
I did.
She gave no indication she has ever felt human emotion.
She could be testing you.
You may be right.
I saw Lisa looking through medical files.
What files?
I don't know.
She does not know that I saw her.
I was told this is where I could find Lisa.
You must be Rafael.
I didn't know you had arrived.
Yes, a short time ago.
This ship it is quite impressive.
You have only seen a small part.
Once I show you the rest you'll never want to leave.
You're very handsome.
I can't do this. 
I'm sorry.
You have to go.
Why did you send him away?
You directly disobeyed my orders.
I am tired of being told what to do.
I demand you tell me what your plan is for me.
How dare you talk to me like that?
You want to strike me, don't you?
Yes, I do.
Then what's stopping you?
I didn't mean it.
I'm sorry, Mother.
Don't be.
It's your breeding skin fueling the aggression you need to become Queen.
But you're not Queen yet.
And until you are, you will do as I tell you.
The problem with Lisa may be more serious than I first thought.
We cannot proceed with interbreeding without Lisa.
There's something I need to show you.
A queen egg?
I had it preserved.
The last of my clutch.
If Lisa proves disloyal, she can be replaced.
This egg is my only alternate to interbreeding.
The very survival of our species may depend on it.
Can you hatch it safely?
- Yes.
- Then begin the process immediately.
But it will take years for the new Queen to reach maturity.
Our accelerated growth experiments have not proven successful.
Then run more.
The children from your final clutch have all matured.
The only option would be...
The hybrid baby.
At birth, she did appear more Visitor than human.
Our skin, our tail, our claws.
Do it.
Such experimentation could result in the hybrid's death.
Then she'll die serving her Queen.
It's possible the Visitors have been doing this all across the universe.
Consuming the best of every life form they encounter to create a superior master species.
- Now they're doing it here on Earth.
- And these boys fit in how?
Each of the 29 boys is missing a part of their DNA.
There's a void. 
We believe that the V's plan to fill that void with a mixture of genes they've stolen.
What happens after they insert the new DNA?
I'll find out.
In just two days, working with my team I have uncovered a vital part of the V's plan.
Imagine what I could do with an army.
What you've discovered is most impressive.
What's next?
Before I tell you, I need to know that you trust me unequivocally as leader of the Fifth Column.
We're ready to follow you, Agent Evans.
All of us.
Anna is about to welcome the final group of live-aboards onto the ship.
We suspect that once she gets their DNA she'll have what she needs to move on to the next part of her plan.
We're going to stop that from happening.
Tyler is proving to be quite a capable pilot.
Good. 
Joshua, check Tyler's phosphorus levels immediately.
I am hopeful we can move forward with him.
How did Lisa respond to Rafael?
Not as well as I would have liked.
I convinced him to stay on the ship for now.
However, Lisa must be dealt with.
Joshua, how are we progressing with my backup plan?
We've initiated the experimentation as you requested.
Perhaps you'd like to see the results for yourself.
The hybrid survived the aging experiment.
However, there was an unforeseen side effect.
Her maturation has strengthened her immune system.
Her body seems to have healed itself of its chronic pain.
That means we no longer have leverage over Ryan Nichols.
Where's my daughter?
Look at you.
Mommy.
Welcome back, Ryan.
Eli Cohn is dead and the Fifth Column have been neutralized as a threat.
As a reward, you get to spend a few hours with your daughter.
Thank you, my Queen.
Excellent work, Joshua.
Ryan's cover has been compromised within Fifth Column.
He is no longer of any use to us.
Arrange to have him eliminated.
Quietly.
Oh, man, there is nothing like that. 
I mean, nothing.
Tyler.
- I missed you.
- I missed you too.
But I have to take a shower. 
Thomas is teaching me how to download my report.
Tyler, you can't keep running away from me.
What are you talking about?
I know you're holding in your emotions.
But your father just died.
It's okay to be sad.
To feel.
You don't get it, Lisa.
I don't want to feel anything anymore.
I just want to be a shuttle pilot and forget about my past.
You were right.
I do care about Tyler.
He's the one I want to be with.
I'm no longer sure he wants to be with me.
I'm sure you will figure it out, my dear.
I will help you.
I am so grateful that I found you.
You're the only one that understands what I'm going through.
I learned a long time ago what you have already seen.
And what your mother refuses to recognize:
The good in human emotion.
Tyler used to care, he used to feel.
Now I'm no longer sure.
I disobeyed her today.
I couldn't control my emotions.
Now I'm worried she suspects I've changed.
You're on very dangerous territory, my dear.
Your mother must suspect nothing.
Trust no one on the ship.
No one but me.
And you must keep my presence a secret.
I won't tell anyone.
I promise.
I know you are afraid, my dear.
But everything will be okay.
Why are you doing this?
Because your mother never did.
What's this?
I'm all alone up here.
It's so we can always be in touch.
And not risk my mother finding out.

Previously on V...
How many times have I warned you your hatred would cost you your faith?
The hostage has now been identified as Erica Evans.
I have no illusions I'm gonna walk out of here alive.
But you and John Fierro must.
You want me to leave?
Prove me right about you, Erica Evans.
You betrayed your friends.
I can never forgive you.
I have an assignment for you. 
Bring this within 100 yards of Eli Cohn's building.
If you would've stopped the 5th Column, then maybe Dad would be alive!
I can't tell you how sorry I am about your father's death.
Thomas tells me you've adapted nicely to life on the mother ship...
That you've embraced the pilot training program.
Everything's been great up here.
Before one can begin deep space flight, all pilots must take one final physical examination.
A formality, of course.
It all starts here.
The examination will assess Tyler's DNA to assure that he's medically ready.
Have Joshua report back with the results immediately.
Yes, my Queen.
Finally, everything's falling into place.
Eli Cohn and the 5th Column have been obliterated.
Marcus will recover from his injuries.
Concordia moves forward.
Soon, the landing sites for our breeding ships can begin construction, and with Tyler aboard, we can begin the next phase of interbreeding.
I'm surprised you didn't bring a hatbox.
Don't worry.
I won't crowd your closet space.
I'll leave plenty of room for all your cool black t-shirts.
Look, Hobbes...
Thanks for the offer to let me stay here.
It's only temporary until I can find a place.
Twelve years in the church, and my life fits into two duffel bags.
What's the over-under on you two killing each other within the week?
I've been trying to reach you.
You okay?
I'm fine. 
Thanks.
Have you talked to Tyler?
Not since Joe's funeral.
He's on the ship.
He won't return my calls.
I don't wanna talk about it. 
I'm sorry.
Who the hell is that?
That is Fierro... 
Eli's man.
I asked him to meet us here.
You gave him my address?
We need to trust this guy.
He is our only conduit to the army we need to take Anna down.
You are still on bereavement leave.
Sure you ready to jump back into this?
Anna wants a war.
I'm gonna give her one.
Let him in.
John Fierro, this is Kyle Hobbes, Jack Landry...
My top lieutenants.
Good to meet you.
I walked through fire with Eli.
If he trusted you, then so do I.
I'm glad to hear it, because I am ready to assume leadership of the 5th Column, as Eli requested.
There's a small group of trusted lieutenants.
Eli relied on them.
In the wake of his death, they're gathering in Bangkok to strategize.
You need to be there.
Fake IDs have gotten me in and out of the East a time or two.
I guess we're going to Bangkok.
How do we get started?
His vitals are excellent, but his phosphorus levels are not as high as they need to be.
Red Rain should have infused him with enough phosphorus for interbreeding.
Every human's biology is unique.
Tyler's body appears to be rejecting the surge of phosphorus.
Administer a concentrated dose to him.
I cannot guarantee Tyler will absorb enough to make him viable.
We may have to alter our plans.
Have the backup candidates been tested?
Rafael, a young man from Barcelona.
He is our most promising.
Arrange for Rafael to visit with Lisa.
What if she rejects him?
Lisa will breed with whomever I tell her to.
You're gonna be a great pilot.
Really?
I passed my physical?
In fact, Thomas says you're ready for your first overnight flight.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Go get ready.
I'm counting on you.
It'll be easier to explore Rafael's potential with him out of the way.
Administer the phosphorus injection to Tyler and see how he responds.
And if his levels remain low?
Then unfortunately for him... he's no longer of use to us.
Season 2 Episode 7 Birth Pangs
Les Lézards
We respected Eli, but his decision to hand over leadership was unilateral and unnecessary.
We already have many plans in motion, Agent Evans, including a strike to avenge Eli's death.
The suicide bombings?
The attacks against innocent humans?
You're throwing pebbles at a giant.
- I told you this was a waste of time.
- Stop.
If we are going to defeat the V's, we need to change tactics.
Eli died at the hands of the Visitors because his plan didn't work.
We are going to bring this war to Anna.
I have contacts on her ship... access that you don't have...
That you will never have.
Eli chose her to lead.
We owe it to him to give her a chance.
Present us with a plan.
Otherwise, leadership'll pass to someone who's already proven their worth.
Tyler's very excited about the pilot training program.
He leaves on his first overnight trip tonight.
All of your plans are coming together.
Tyler hasn't spoken to his mother in over a week.
We are finally becoming his family.
In the meantime,
I have an assignment for you.
While Tyler is away, you'll meet a young man named Rafael.
I want you to entertain him.
But what about Tyler?
If he senses my disloyalty to him, it could upset everything.
My plans for Tyler are none of your concern.
You will entertain Rafael.
Don't question me again.
How'd the meeting go?
Eli Cohn's lieutenants don't think I have what it takes to lead them.
We fought this war on our own before, Erica.
It's bigger than us now, Jack.
If we're going to defeat Anna, we need an army to do it.
How do we do that?
We start by asking the big question.
Why are the Visitors here?
If we know what Anna wants, we'll know how to stop her.
We know they want us for breeding.
But we don't know what that actually means.
The live-aboards.
When I interviewed Anna last week, she said the next batch of live-aboards to come up will be the last.
If Anna's stopping live-aboards...
It means she got whatever she needed.
Question is, what?
There might be someone who can help us find out...
Anna's daughter Lisa.
She's a friend.
Anna's daughter is working against her?
Anna can never find out.
Get to Lisa.
Tell her I sent you.
Where are you in the DNA research?
I reached out to the global scientific community.
And?
Seems there were cases of other boys with part of their DNA missing, but so far, all the ones I've found died as infants.
Keep looking. 
We need to find everything we can about those other boys.
What did Eli tell you about his son's death?
He had me investigate it.
So I started with the doctor who delivered him... 
Avner Nizani.
- Were you able to find this Nizani?
- He's dead.
But I kept digging, looked into his practice.
Turns out all the babies that he delivered 18 years ago...
An unusually high number of them died.
The cause of death was listed as sudden infant death syndrome.
It's possible that those babies died because their DNA was messed with.
They wouldn't have thought to check for that.
I found a common link between the babies who died...
All their mothers suffered from pre-eclampsia.
Many of the mothers also were treated by the same specialist... 
Dr. Veena Rai.
I know her.
- She treated me. 
I looked for her.
- But you couldn't find her?
- How did you know that?
- I couldn't either, but I reached out.
I enlisted help from Eli's contacts around the world.
Any luck?
There's a cop in Hong Kong that thinks he's found Dr. Rai.
If it is Rai, she might know what the Visitors did to those boys and why.
I wanna talk to Dr. Rai.
We're going to Hong Kong.
Leave us.
Rafael is en route from Barcelona as you requested.
According to his file, his phosphorus levels are ideal.
You're one of my most trusted advisers.
What I'm about to ask you requires the utmost discretion.
I'm beginning to sense a weakness in Lisa.
It's possible she's experiencing human emotions.
What can I do to help, my Queen?
Lie to her.
Tell her your memory is returning...
That you recall what it's like to experience human emotions.
Whatever she says or does, report to me directly.
It's taken a week for you to decide you can trust me?
I would have come sooner, but my mother watches my every move.
You're under a great deal of pressure as future queen.
What's troubling you, my dear?
A while ago, my mother instructed me to get close to a boy named Tyler.
Now she's ordered I get close to someone else.
Why would she do that?
Another boy?
Anna must be changing her plans.
You care for this boy Tyler, don't you?
Our species is not supposed to have human emotions.
Embrace them, Lisa.
I had to learn the hard way.
Emotions can give you power unlike anything else.
- If my mother ever knew, she'd...
- Throw you down here like she did me.
That's why she can never know that you have feelings for Tyler...
For any human being.
What about the other boy?
I don't wanna be with him.
You shouldn't have to, Lisa.
But you must protect yourself.
You must convince Anna that you are the loyal and obedient daughter she expects you to be.
Your safety and our survival depend on it.
Chad Decker, WNT news.
My mother speaks very highly of you.
I've been meaning to talk to Anna about doing an exclusive interview with you...
What it's like being the First Daughter.
It'd be a great piece.
Whatever my mother wants.
Erica Evans says you might be able to help me.
And why would Mrs. Evans say that?
Because I'm working with her.
I don't know what you mean.
I know the truth, Lisa.
You helped Erica destroy Anna's soldier eggs.
You wanna stop your mother... just like I do.
What do you want from me?
I know the live-aboards have been tortured.
You need to help us find out why.
Lives depend on it, Lisa.
Please.
May I have a word?
Joshua, what are you doing here?
As you know, when I was shot, my memory was wiped clean.
Lately, some of it has started to return.
I only remember fragments, but...
I do remember being 5th Column.
And feeling human emotion.
These memories seem so real.
I want to talk about them.
And I remember that I once did... with you.
Obviously, you remember wrong.
Of course, my Queen.
Forgive me.
Are you kidding?
Hong Kong cops never heard of a doughnut shop?
Chicken feet are a delicacy.
Fierro told us you've tracked down someone Eli was looking for...
A Dr. Veena Rai.
Is this who you're looking for?
That's her.
She took a long time to find.
She's living under an assumed name here in Hong Kong.
- Maybe we should pay her a visit.
- Rai lives in a highly secure building.
The police are wired into apartment security.
I could give you access, but not shut the system down.
I can.
Hacking's my specialty.
It's one specialty, anyway.
You'd only have a very short window.
The system does internal checks every 15 minutes.
It sounds an alarm if anything is amiss.
Just get us in. 
We need to find out what Rai did to my son.
The Hong Kong PD will never know we were there.
Careful.
That was subtle.
We go on Chiang's signal.
All right. 
We're in.
Erica, we've tapped in.
The monitors will now go on a loop.
You've got 15 minutes before the system automatically reboots.
Good to go.
Now.
Let's go.
Who do you think you are?
- I trusted you.
- What?
You treated me...
Me and my baby, eighteen years ago.
- You were supposed to take care of us!
- You're making a mistake!
I don't know who you are!
Get her hands.
She's a V.
Let me be very clear.
I am going to skin you slowly from neck to tail until you tell me everything that you did to my son.
I'm gonna keep you alive so that you feel every cut.
Tell me where your safe is.
Where?
Where?
The bedroom.
Show me.
Come on.
We've gotta move.
It's up there.
I like that one.
The lizard's safe.
Rai, what's the combination?
We got to move.
We're gonna need tools...
Power drill, flashlight, whatever you can find.
Hurry.
Cops will be here soon.
- Flashlight!
- I got the drill.
Got to raise the pressure on the inside so it's higher than it is on the outside.
Trick is not blowing up the content in the process.
Pretty quick to slice and dice back there, Agent Evans.
- How'd you know about Rai?
- I didn't.
I like this new you.
- That's very Mission: 
Impossible.
- Det-cord...
- I never leave home without it.
- Good thing.
Got that flashlight?
Here, your hands are small.
Let's jam it into that thing.
Now keep going.
All the way in...
- I got it.
- Keep going.
Like, half an inch exposed.
Good.
I'll take it from here, yeah.
It's a holo-device.
We found one in Malik's safe.
Go.
We've got two minutes.
Just hear me out, okay?
What are you gonna say, Ryan?
You lied to us.
- You betrayed us.
- I never gave your names to Anna.
Your actions killed dozens of people.
- Erica's ex-husband is dead.
- You don't think I know that?
Anna had my baby, Jack.
I made a mistake, but there was nothing else I could do.
No, Ryan.
You could have told us the truth.
We didn't even know you survived the bombing.
I have to get my baby away from Anna.
I need help.
Of all the people, you would be the one that understands.
Everybody needs a second chance.
I'm not a priest anymore, Ryan.
It's not my job to absolve you.
Rai visited the same cities over and over for 19 years.
There's 29 boys here.
In 29 cities.
Each one has a mother ship parked over them.
They're there because of those boys.
Tyler's not the only one.
- If Anna has others...
- That means that Tyler...
My son... is expendable.
We'll figure it out, Erica.
We'll figure it out, we'll stop her...
And we'll keep Tyler safe.
Any idea what these are?
Prenatal vitamins.
I took those when I was pregnant.
What?
Why would a doctor keep prenatal vitamins in a safe?
They wouldn't, unless they were trying to hide something.
What the hell was that?
Welcome back.
I thought you were done with the priest routine.
Well, it doesn't work like that.
Wherever I walk, He walks.
Try to keep Him contained to your corner, eh?
Why? 
You afraid of what He's gonna find in yours?
- How'd it go in Hong Kong?
- We found prenatal pills with these freaky metal bugs inside them.
Science boy's taking a look.
Also, seems that.
Erica's kid isn't the only one that Anna's keeping her eye on.
There are 28 more.
Really?
We'll be right there.
I found out why my mother wanted the live-aboards.
I'm sending you information that will explain it all.
Come here.
Look at this.
They must have programmed it to go after DNA with a Y-chromosome.
That's why the pregnant mothers and baby girls weren't affected.
We know what the V's did, but we still don't know why.
They created empty space inside the DNA to put something in.
- But what?
- I think I might know.
Lisa came through.
She downloaded the live-aboards' medical files.
Anna isn't choosing these live-aboards randomly.
She is inviting people up to the ship who are exceptional...
Genetically exceptional.
"High fertility.
Elevated immunity.
"Longevity." And this part...
"Gene extraction complete."
Those dates must be when they put the live-aboards into the machine.
She's stealing DNA from the live-aboards.
She's not just stealing any DNA.
She is harvesting the best of the best.
That's awesome.
I mean, not awesome.
But it explains something that's been driving me crazy.
This is from Alpha, the V skeleton I found.
His DNA is a hundred times more complex than normal DNA.
But then, there's this.
This is Malik's DNA.
It's 1,000 times more complex than Alpha's.
Weird.
Qo?
The genetic evolution from Alpha to Malik should have taken 5,000 years.
The V's did it in fifty.
Give it to us in English, Einstein.
This explains why the V's didn't just annihilate us.
They need us alive.
They're stealing the best of our DNA.
They're using us to fast-track their own evolution.
Rafael has arrived.
Did you approach Lisa like I asked?
I did.
She gave no indication she's ever felt human emotion.
She could be testing you.
You may be right.
I saw Lisa looking through medical files.
What files?
I don't know...
But she does not know that I saw her.
I was told this is where I could find Lisa.
You must be Rafael.
I didn't know you had arrived.
A short time ago.
This ship...
It is quite impressive.
You've only seen a small part.
Once I show you the rest...
You'll never want to leave.
You're very handsome.
I can't do this.
I'm sorry.
You have to go.
Why did you send him away?
You directly disobeyed my orders.
I'm tired of being told what to do.
I demand you tell me what your plan is for me.
How dare you talk to me like that?
You want to strike me, don't you?
I do.
Then what's stopping you?
I didn't mean it.
I'm sorry, Mother.
Don't be.
Your breeding skin's fueling the aggression you need to become Queen.
But you're not Queen yet, and until you are,
you will do as I tell you.
The problem with Lisa may be more serious than I first thought.
We cannot proceed with interbreeding without Lisa.
You need to see something.
A Queen egg.
I had it preserved.
The last of my clutch.
If Lisa proves disloyal, she can be replaced.
This egg is my only alternate to interbreeding.
The survival of our species may depend on it.
Can you hatch it safely?
- Yes.
- Then begin the process immediately.
But it will take years for the new Queen to reach reproductive maturity.
Our accelerated growth experiments have not proven successful.
Then run more.
The children from your final clutch have all matured.
The only option would be...
The hybrid baby.
At birth, she did appear more Visitor than human...
Our skin, our tail,
- our claws.
- Do it.
Such experimentation could result in the hybrid's death.
Then she'll die serving her Queen.
It's possible the Visitors have been doing this all across the universe, consuming the best of every life-form they encounter to create a superior, master species.
Now they're doing it on Earth.
And these boys fit in how?
Each of the 29 boys is missing a part of their DNA.
There's a void.
We believe that the V's plan to fill that void using a mixture of the genes they have stolen.
What happens after they insert the new DNA?
I'll find out.
In just two days, working with my team,
I have uncovered a vital part of the V's plan.
Imagine what I could do with an army.
What you've discovered is most impressive.
What's next?
Before I tell you, I need to know that you trust me unequivocally as leader of the Fifth Column.
We're ready to follow you, Agent Evans...
All of us.
Anna is about to welcome the final group of live-aboards onto the ship.
We suspect that once she gets their DNA, she'll have what she needs to move on to the next part of her plan.
We're going to stop that from happening.
Tyler is proving to be quite a capable pilot.
Good.
Check Tyler's phosphorus levels immediately.
I'm still hopeful we can move forward with him.
How did Lisa respond to Rafael?
Not as well as I would have liked.
I convinced him to stay on the ship for now.
However, Lisa must be dealt with.
How are we progressing with my backup plan?
We've initiated the experimentation as you requested.
Perhaps you'd like to see the results for yourself.
The hybrid survived the aging experiment.
However, there was an unforeseen side effect.
Her maturation has strengthened her immune system.
Her body seems to have healed itself of its chronic pain.
That means we no longer have leverage over Ryan Nichols.
Where's my daughter?
Look at you.
Mommy!
Welcome back.
Eli Cohn is dead and the Fifth Column have been neutralized.
As a reward, you get to spend a few hours with your daughter.
Thank you... my Queen.
Excellent work, Joshua.
Ryan's cover has been compromised within Fifth Column.
He is no longer of any use to us.
Arrange to have him eliminated... quietly.
There's nothing like that.
I mean, nothing.
I missed you.
I missed you, too, but I have to go take a shower, because
Thomas is gonna teach me how to download my flight report...
- You can't keep running away from me.
- What are you talking about?
I know you're holding in your emotions.
Your father just died.
It's okay to be sad, to feel.
You don't get it, Lisa.
I don't want to feel anything anymore.
I just want to be a shuttle pilot and forget about my past.
You were right.
I do care about Tyler.
He's the one I want to be with.
But I'm no longer sure he wants to be with me.
I'm sure you will figure it out, my dear.
I will help you.
I am so grateful that I found you.
You're the only one that understands what I'm going through.
I learned a long time ago what you have already seen, and what your mother refuses to recognize...
The good in human emotion.
Tyler used to care.
He used to feel.
Now I'm no longer sure.
I disobeyed her today.
I couldn't control my emotions.
Now I'm worried she suspects I've changed.
You're on very dangerous territory, my dear.
Your mother must suspect nothing.
Trust no one on the ship, no one but me.
And you must keep my presence a secret.
I won't tell anyone.
I promise.
I know you are afraid, my dear.
But everything will be okay.
Why are you doing this?
Because your mother never did.
What's this?
I'm all alone up here.
It's so we can always be in touch and not risk my mother finding out.

- On this episode of pawn stars...
- Take a look at my abraham lincoln etching.
- Autographed at the bottom.
That's incredible.
But first hint on anything this age is,
Why do we have black ink there?
- Right.
- And I'm not saying this is fake.
I'm just saying it could be.
- I have a badge from the old dragnet series.
- This was one of the very first police shows.
- There are no more of those badges anywhere.
- ¶ dum-de-dum-dum, dum ¶ [laughs]
- It's a parade cannon
Used by civil war soldiers.
- I really want to hear this thing go boom.
- It produces a substantial report.
- So it's loud.
- Extremely loud.
- I'm rick harrison, and this is my pawn shop.
I work here with my old man and my son, big hoss.
Everything in here has a story and a price.
One thing I've learned after 21 years,
You never know what is gonna come through that door.
Hey, how's it going?
- Hi.
Very good.
- What do we have today?
- I have a badge from the old dragnet series.
- ¶ dum-de-dum-dum, dum ¶ [laughs]
- I came to the pawn shop today
To try to sell my vintage dragnet badge.
I'd like to sell it today because it stays in a drawer.
I'm hoping I can get $500 for it.
I really don't want to sell it
If I can't get at least $350.
- So how did you get it?
Just the facts.
Just the facts, ma'am.
- Okay.
- [laughs]
- I was eight years old.
My uncle worked on the show as a member of the crew.
I believe it was given out
As a lapel pin for people to wear.
And he gave it to me.
- Okay.
I loved it when I was a kid
Because to a kid, it seemed so real.
- It did.
- "the names have been changed
To protect the innocent," you know.
This was, like, one of the very first police shows.
Dragnet was groundbreaking.
It started off on the radio in the 1940s
And was on and off tv until the early '70s.
It was based on real- life police cases,
And it set standards still used on cop shows today.
You know if they gave out full-size badges
Or anything else like that?
- Never heard of it.
Can't find any.
Can't find this one.
There are none of these in existence
Except the one you're looking at.
- That's pretty amazing.
The other cool thing is, it actually looks
Like it's made by a badge company.
There's a few big badge manufacturers
In the United States,
And I think they probably went to one of them
To have this made.
A lot of old tv shows had stuff you could send away for,
But this is way different.
It was only given to staff members,
So it's much more rare.
I've never seen one before,
And I'm thinking collectors of tv memorabilia
Will definitely be interested.
What'd you want for it?
- I'd like to get $500.
- $500 is not gonna happen.
I'll go 300.
- Could we do 400?
- If you had a large one,
There probably wouldn't be a problem.
- They didn't make that in a large size.
- I know, but the problem is, really small things like this
Are a much tougher sell because they're harder to display.
I'll go $350.
- There are no more of those badges anywhere.
- What do you think, chum?
- I mean, there's probably not as many dragnet fans
As there was 20 years ago.
- $350 for it.
That's the best I can do.
- We got a deal.
- All right.
$350.
All right, you want to write it up, chum?
- Sure.
Let's go right over here.
- Okay.
- This badge is cool.
But I think chum got it right.
The market for dragnet memorabilia
Is only gonna get softer.
- What is this?
- I think it's a mandolin.
- I've never seen one like this before.
- That's metal, corey.
- Yeah, it's metal.
- Looks like it's been run over by a truck.
[air horn blasts]
- I decided to come to the pawn shop today
To sell my old mandolin.
It's very beat up.
I'm not sure if it's worth anything,
But I have no need for it,
So I'm gonna try to see how much I can get for it.
- Where'd you get it?
- I actually found it in a basement
Of an old home back in new jersey.
- I've seen wooden mandolins.
I've never seen a metal one.
- You ever hear of national?
- Not really.
Mandolins are used largely in country western, cajun music.
Mandolins was used in europe back in the 1700s,
And they were a big deal in america
When bluegrass music got popular.
- When I found this in the basement,
You know, I figured it had some value
Because I know a lot of people collect these older instruments.
- I'm just worried about the condition of it.
I mean, it's all there.
It just, I think, needs to be a little restored.
- Yeah.
All the key things has been replaced
With little bits of wood.
Needs a lot of tender lovin' care.
- So what are you looking to do with it, man?
Pawn it, sell it?
- I'd like to sell it.
- You got a price in mind
Of what you're looking to get for it?
- Um, you know,
I have no idea what it's worth.
- That makes two of us.
Let me get somebody down here to give us a price for it.
- That'd be great.
- I can't say for sure
This mandolin is actually worth anything,
But it's different enough
To have somebody come take a look at it.
- From time to time, I get a call from this guy
Who collects cannons.
We've never made a deal, but he just called me again
And promised me I would love this one.
So corey, chum, and I are gonna go meet him
Out at the gun range.
So what do we got here?
- It's an antique parade, or saluting, cannon.
- I'd like to shoot a potato out of it.
- [chuckles]
- I called the guys at the pawn shop today
To come down and see my antique parade cannon.
This cannon, I actually keep it in my house,
But it is a little bit on the large side.
I've done a lot of research,
And I'm pretty sure it's worth $60,000.
- Can you tell me anything about it?
- This is obviously a breech-loading cannon.
You insert a cartridge in it that's preloaded with powder.
And it was used by the civil war soldiers after the war
At a g.A.R. Post.
Do you know what that is?
- Yeah, the grand army of the republic.
- This was their cannon that they used in memorial parades
To salute the civil war soldiers,
And it produces a very nice, substantial report.
- So it's loud.
- Extremely loud.
- The grand army of the republic was a veterans group
That started right after the civil war.
They were just a social group when they started,
But they grew into one of the most powerful organizations
For veterans.
So where did you get this thing?
- I bought it from a museum that was deacquisitioning some items.
- Okay.
Did they have any paperwork or anything else
When you bought it?
- Eh, not really, to tell you the truth.
- Is the carriage original, and the caisson?
- Everything is all original.
- This is an amazing old cannon.
You rarely see one of these in private hands,
And collectors go crazy for 'em,
But I hate that he's got no paperwork for it.
You have to be really careful about stuff like this.
So why did you want to sell this thing?
- My neighbors are getting pissed.
- Okay.
[chuckles]
Let me call up a buddy of mine.
Let me get him down here, have him take a look at it.
If everything's legit, maybe we can do something.
I really want to hear this thing go boom.
- Oh, you'll love it.
All right.
Let's do it.
- Let me go give my buddy a call.
- He's bringing an expert.
Well, that's good.
Maybe he can alleviate his concern,
And he can pay.
- Is this thing even worth anything?
- Yeah, it is, especially with the hawaiian motif
That's on this one.
But sounds like there might be something loose in it.
- Yeah, it looks like it's been rode hard and put up wet.
- Yeah.
- I want to make sure, if I buy this thing,
The feds aren't gonna be running through my door
And throwing' me in cuffs.
- I need to look at certain aspects of this.
This is an issue.
- You ever ran this thing past the atf?
- Not really, to tell you the truth.
- Hey, how can I help you?
- Hi, um...
I was wondering if you wanted to take a look
At my abraham lincoln etching here.
- That's not an etching.
That's a print.
- Okay, my abraham lincoln print.
- Okay.
- I thought abe was bald.
- Why would you think that abe lincoln was bald?
- 'cause he always wears that top hat.
- It's a stovepipe hat,
And he wasn't bald.
- Ooh, excuse me.
- [sighs] okay.
- Come to the pawn shop today to see if I could sell
My abraham lincoln print.
The reason I want to sell it today
Is, I've had it for so long
And not really done anything with it.
I don't really know how much it's worth,
But with it being abraham lincoln,
There's a chance that it could be worth a lot of money,
And that would be pretty exciting.
- So you have a print here of abraham lincoln
That's autographed at the bottom, "a. 
Lincoln."
We have oxidation around the edges of the paper here,
So you can tell that it's pretty old.
- Mm-hmm.
- Lincoln died in 1865.
- Right.
- People have been putting up pictures of lincoln
For over 100 years.
Everyone points to him as an example
Of what a president should be.
I mean, the guy helped end slavery
And guided us through a civil war.
He's earned a place of respect in history.
You got something really interesting here.
In 1865, they still used lamp black, iron filings.
It was a weird combination for ink, okay?
After 60, 70, 80 years,
Those iron filings began to rust.
- Okay.
- That's why, when you look
At old documents and things like that,
All the letters are no longer black.
They're orange.
- Okay.
That's interesting.
- First hint on anything this age is,
Why do we have black ink?
- Right.
Right.
- All right?
You every hear of joseph cosey?
- No.
- He could forge just about anything.
Joseph cosey was one of the most famous forgers
In american history.
Cosey faked everyone from benjamin franklin
To george washington
And sold them to big- time collectors.
He even forged a copy
Of the declaration of independence.
This is something that was done,
I believe, 1920s, 1930s.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
He did a great abraham lincoln signature.
Okay, I mean, it was identical,
Except for, for some reason,
He always lined up the "a" with the "lincoln."
Abraham lincoln's "a" was always below the "l."
This is lined up perfectly.
- Okay.
- So if you ever see the "a" lined up with the "lincoln,"
It's joseph cosey.
- So, I mean-- it worth anything?
- Believe it or not,
The forgeries by cosey are worth a little bit of money.
- Really?
- Because it was by a famous forger.
But...
What you have here is a copy of a forgery.
And I know that because one of my guys actually bought
One of these a few years ago, and I had it checked out.
- So is it worth anything at all?
- Nope.
- Yeah, [bleep].
- I mean, 'cause you don't even have the forgery.
- Right.
- You mean this is a copy of a copy?
- It's a copy of a forgery.
- It's not even the real forgery.
[laughter]
- All right.
Thanks for bringing it in, man.
- Thank you.
Appreciate it.
Unfortunately, he wasn't able to make me an offer,
But I think it's gonna be a real interesting conversation piece
From this point on.
- Earlier, a guy brought in a mandolin
That looks like it's made completely out of metal.
It's a new one to me, so I called my buddy jesse down
To come take a look at it and see what he thinks.
What is this?
- Oh.
Well, it's obviously a mandolin.
And, uh...
It's in pretty rough shape.
- It looks like it's been rode hard and put up wet.
- Yeah.
I work at a vintage guitar store here in las vegas
Called cowtown guitars.
Every time the guys get any kind of weird instrument in,
They give me a call, and I try to help them out.
- So why'd they make it out of metal, man?
- They made 'em out of metal
So they could put this cone inside of here
And make it louder than the acoustic instruments
So it could be heard over horns
And all that stuff in a big band.
It's probably one of the last metal body resonators
That you see from the '40s because of the war effort.
They stopped making them out of metal.
And before there were amplifiers,
They tried this resonator technology
That they used in these to make them loud enough.
It's pretty rad.
This one is probably a late '30s, early '40s.
They were actually a pretty popular instrument.
Had a pick guard on it.
It was probably tortoiseshell, and it's long-gone.
It's really, really tarnished, but... [strums chords] the cone is still intact.
And the little piece of wood here
Called the biscuit,
Which makes it resonate off the cone,
That's all still there.
- I mean, is this thing even worth anything?
- Believe it or not, yeah, it is,
Especially with the hawaiian motif that's on this one.
It's a style.
- I didn't even know there was any motif on it.
- Yeah.
[laughs]
In this condition, this one, I would say,
Is worth about...
About 1,000 bucks.
- Wow.
That's--that's great.
- Are you sure, man?
This thing looks beat.
- It's a vintage national.
I mean, that is the company to have.
- Would it be worth having it restored?
- Yeah, you know.
If it was in really good shape,
You'd probably pull close to $3,000 out of it, easy.
- Wow.
Thanks for coming down.
- No problem.
- Appreciate it.
- Any time, guys.
- It looked like it had been through a war
And left at the bottom of a swamp,
But because of what it is,
And it actually being complete and still working,
It was actually still worth some money.
- And you heard jesse say
I'm gonna have to put some work into it.
I'd like to offer you around $300 for it, man.
- Um, I mean, he did say it's worth $1,000.
- He did say it's worth $1,000.
I'm gonna put it on my shelf, I'm gonna ask $999 for it,
And I'm gonna let someone
Beat me all the way down to $800.
- Would you do $500?
- You wanna do $500?
- Yeah, go ahead.
Let's do it.
- All right, man.
Let's go do some paperwork real quick.
- Okay.
Very good.
Thank you.
- I still can't believe this thing
Is actually worth 1,000 bucks,
But I guess I'll just have to wait and see
Till it's actually restored.
- Earlier, I checked out an antique parade cannon
That looks awesome,
But there's no paperwork.
So I asked my buddy sean to come out
And see what he could tell me about it.
- Hey, sean.
What's goin' on, buddy?
- Today rick called me out to the middle of nowhere.
And this thing be better worth it,
Because this was a long drive.
Holy, shh...
[bleep].
- How you doing?
- Check out this badass cannon.
- Yeah.
So what research have you done about this?
- Well, the first owner would have been the g.A.R. Post
And the sons of veterans.
They had it built for them for the parades.
- Civil war veterans, they would want to have g.A.R. Conventions,
Grand army of the republic,
And all the veterans would gather with their families,
And they would fire one of these big cannons
Out of respect for their fallen soldiers.
And you've fired it?
- Yeah, I have fired it.
- I really want to hear this thing go boom.
- Let's burn some powder.
[laughter]
- Awesome.
- Let's go.
- Let's load this thing up.
Your cannon, your honors.
- All right.
I'm gonna put the cartridge on.
- Okay.
- Screw off this collar,
Put it around the cartridge,
And then screw it onto the breach,
And that also acts as a shell extractor
When you want to remove it from the cannon.
There.
It goes in like that.
And it will lock in position.
And you need that lanyard.
Stick it on here.
And it's ready to go
When you pull the lanyard.
Then she's gonna let loose.
- Guys, make sure your earpieces are in,
And it wouldn't even hurt to put your hands over your ears
On top of that when this thing goes.
All right, you guys, need to get back.
- Okay.
- Three, two, one.
Fire!
- Me, corey, chum, and sean are out at the gun range,
Checking out an antique parade cannon,
And as part of the inspection, we're actually gonna fire it,
And if all goes well, I'm gonna try and buy it.
- Three, two, one.
Fire!
[cannon booms] [laughter and applause]]
- That was awesome.
- Yeah!
- Sweet.
That boom knocked my glasses off my head.
- I felt a shock wave hit me.
It was amazing.
The guy was right.
Now that I've seen it fire, I'm hooked.
It'll look amazing in my showroom...
If I can make it fit.
My big concern is, is it legal to own this thing?
- Absolutely.
You definitely have to know what you're buying.
- I can buy any cannon made 1898 and back,
And there's no federal paperwork.
An antique firearm,
The government doesn't care about them 'cause no one's going to war with these things.
But 1899 and forward, there can be some problems.
I want to make sure, if I buy this thing,
The feds aren't gonna be, you know,
Running through my door and throwing me in cuffs.
- Absolutely.
All right, so I need to look at certain aspects of this
To determine, hopefully, when that barrel was made.
So what research have you done about the plaque?
- You know, all it says is "rickett's battery"
And the camp number, 40.
- Okay.
Down at the bottom, it looks like "s-e-p-t,"
For the abbreviation of the September.
I see a curl down here with a "3."
And it's actually...
"1903."
- I can't buy any guns made after 1898,
So this looks like a total bust.
- September of 1903, this was dedicated,
But...
Just the pure fact that this was applied to this barrel
Doesn't tell me without a shadow of a doubt
That this was made in 1903.
The overall form of this might be 1890s.
This is where it becomes a real gray area
When it comes to the law,
That this is okay in nevada.
- All right,
So it's something I would definitely love to buy,
But until I know everything for sure,
I can't even make an offer.
- Okay.
- I would love to buy this cannon,
But unless he can track down some documentation
Proving when it was made,
There's no way I can touch it.
- Earlier, I dropped off a steel mandolin
With my buddy jesse so he could polish it up.
He called to let me know that he's all done,
And he's even gonna drop it off at the shop.
What we got?
Oh, man, that looks awesome.
- Done.
Yeah, you can actually play it now.
This mandolin had to be restored.
When I got it, it was in pretty rough shape
And really rusted and tarnished.
It's impossible to sell a stringed instrument
When you can't play it.
Put a lot of work into it.
It's actually a really well-playing instrument
And sounds really good.
- God, it doesn't even look like the same thing.
- It's just beautiful.
- It came out pretty good.
- It came out nice.
- So what all did you do to it, man?
- Well, we had to clean it up.
You remember, it was really tarnished.
You could hardly even tell that it was chrome or shiny at all.
So we cleaned it and polished it.
We had to replace the pick guard.
Tracked down a real piece of italian lucite,
Which was really nice.
We had to put new tuning buttons on the original machines.
We had to clean the headstock up.
We had to clean the frets, restring it, obviously.
We got it all playing.
- Yeah, it came out nice.
It's got the motif on the back too.
- Yeah, you can actually see it now.
- Yeah, you can see it now.
You couldn't see it before.
- Yeah.
You know, you can tell that somebody
Had left strings on it for a long time.
The biggest thing you can do is loosen the strings.
As the wood takes in moisture and lets out moisture,
The guitar moves, and if the strings don't,
It tends to break things, crack things,
And stuff like that.
- Hey, rick!
Come here and look at this, son.
Jesse outdid hisself.
- Oh, that is nice.
- The key thing now is, you can actually play it,
Which makes it to where you can actually sell it.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Can you play it?
- Well, I can give it a whirl.
[laughter]
- Give it a shot, jesse.
[bright string music]
¶ ¶
That's about as-- [applause]
That's about all my mandolin playing you get.
- All right.
Mandolin sounds good.
Now put a price tag on it,
And let's sell it while we're still young.
- I paid 500 bucks for it.
What'd it cost me to get it fixed?
- You know, 150 bucks to get it cleaned up and strung up
And everything.
- Cool, so I got $650 in it.
What do you think it's worth?
- You can probably get two, a little over two probably.
- $2,000?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Okay, sweet.
- Yeah.
- Jesse, we really appreciate it.
- Thanks a lot.
- Have a good day.
Rick, you're not the only one
That makes money around this joint.
- Just most of it.
[laughs]

Thank you for your help.
This bag...
smells like feet!
We need to hurry, the guard could be back at any second.
Listen, I know you said that you wanted me to see Nadia, and I know that I said I'd be mature about this entire thing, but I just... 
I don't really feel it's all that necessary anymore, so--
Look, if someboby that I slept with and care about told me they had a girlfriend in a coma, trapped inside a top secret facility run by a society of uber-humanoids called the Fae--
I'd think it was a blow off.
I really need you to meet her.
Okay.
Wow!
She's so pretty.
Even...
like this.
Can't imagine what she must look like when she's up and walking around.
She has the most beautiful smile.
You know, ever since we got a lead all I can think about is finding a cure for her--
Well--
I guess the only thing left to do-- is figure out what this nail means.
The Morrigan never said anything else--
How the nail could "save" her?
No, and I get the feeling that even if she did know something, she'd take too much pleasure in torturing me to ever tell me.
Thank you.
For letting me see Nadia.
We'll figure this out.
I promise.
Farewell and adieu--
Fair Spanish ladies--
Hey!
What the hell do you think you're doin'?
!
Ugh!
Life is hard when you don't know who you are.
It's harder when you don't know what you are.
My love carries a death sentence.
I was lost for years.
I won't hide anymore.
I will live the life I choose.
Wait, your husband was kidnapped?
Christoph died less than a week ago.
Donovan went to the cemetery this morning, the grave was dug up and his body was gone.
They desecrated his grave--
His memory.
What kind of a sick animal could do such a thing?
Did you or Christoph have any issues with anyone?
Any enemies?
Everyone loved Christoph.
Donny's my oldest friend, so--
I need you two to help me.
Please, find out what happened.
Of course. 
Anything, you know that.
Yeah, I just have to get out of a security detail.
It's not a biggie.
This is him--
Do you have any idea what he was wearing when he was, uh--
Taken.
Leotards, tights and slippers-
Excuse me?
Christoph was one of the finest dancers in the world.
He was buried the way he lived.
I never got a chance to say sorry--
He just wanted me to be present--
Not work, but I yelled--
I made him drive to the theater by himself--
It took them 3 hours to get his body out of the wreck--
My partner was knocked out cold--
The sky started to fill up with dark clouds, there was a storm brewing--
A storm of thunder, lightening--
And Hale--
But then, the Behemoth let out a mighty howl.
He was ready to rock, so I looked that fool dead in the eye-- He only had one eye-- and I sang him to sleep until he was sucking his thumb like a kitten 'bout to wet the bed.
Yeah, I mean, what can I say, ladies?
I got a job to do, so I do it.
Hale!
Heeeey-- What's up, man?
I was just telling my friends here how we took down that Behemoth that time.
Oh yeah, that was back in the day.
We were lucky to have this, uh--
Sexy, singin' superstar along.
Hey, did I tell you about the new security detail I just pulled?
What?
What detail?
The Glaive.
The Glaive!
My man, Dyson,
Protecting the Attorney General for all Fae kind.
The only problem is I can't do it.
Trick needs me to do something else.
So, I need to find someone, uh--
Smart, tough, competent, sexy wouldn't hurt--
Hey, ladies, you know anybody by that description?
Do you know anyone with that description?
I don't know, man, it's a big committment, twelve hours.
I'm your man.
Who else you gonna trust with The Glaive?
I don't know--
People say Sirens are sexy ladies sitting' side-saddle on a rock singing folks to their death, but uh--
He knows I'm as tough as they come! 
Yeah!
Right?
You know, I don't know.
Looks like you got your hands full here--
I don't wanna take that away from you--
I think--
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa--
Come on, man.
Why you playin'?
You want this?
Yes!
Alright, you got it!
Alright!
Okay--
Oh, and here she is--
Whoa, whoa, whoa--
I thought the Glaive was older--
What is she like a Fae Doogie Howser or something?
Well, the detail's not for the Glaive, per se, it's for her daughter, and--
She comes with instructions.
I bet--
Dyson.
Tori.
Good luck!
"No booze, no boys, no rap music, no coffee--"
Got it.
Are you as boring as Dyson?
Excuse me?
Imagine coming to lay flowers and the man you love is gone--
I smell something.
♪
Here--
I'm no grave digger, but aren't they supposed to go in the ground?
It's a hunting kill.
Shot to the head, throat's been slit to drain the blood before the heart stops so the meat doesn't spoil.
Never take me hunting.
Strange, though--
They've only taken the sweetbreads.
The delicacies--
So, we're looking for a flesh-eating Fae foody?
Or his butcher.
Cheenoo.
Who's Cheenoo?
Not a who.
A what.
It's a type of Fae that only eats human flesh.
And you wonder why I never aligned myself with a clan--
Can't wait to meet this guy.
And the behemoth lets out a mighty howl--
And he starts running, he's ready to get down--
Omigod--
I was timing that entire dumb story to see how long it would take you to realize that I actually didn't care what you were talking about, but now, even that's boring.
Hey!
Is there anything in the Fae world that can get that new doggy smell off tights?
What brings you down, Little Momma?
I was helping my cuz with his pit bulls at the doggie dentist--
Dude, there is not enough suction in that little tube for dog slobber--
And now I'm thinking, why not hook up with my bestie
Succubus our way into the spa so momma can score herself a little rinse.
Who's this?
Big security detail I'm doing.
Very high profile client.
He's babysitting for my mom.
And he won't let me do anything fun at all.
It sucks.
Hale , does the trust fund Fae-by speak the truth?
I have very specific orders that I have to follow to the letter.
I'm not allowed to do anything.
You see this?
I'm telepathic so I don't need a cell phone.
But my stupid mom makes me wear a stupid tracking bracelet so she can track my whereabouts all the time.
That is a raw deal.
Yeah and when my stuff was gettin' messed up like that
I hit the road and I ain't never look back.
Oh-- Easy, Kenz--
What kind of Fae are you?
Light or Dark?
I'm not Fae, I'm human.
And you just come and go as you please?
I guess technically my BFF, Bo, claimed me but, yeah, I call my own shots, sista.
That is so cool.
I've never met a claimed human that's just allowed to run free.
I'm so jealous.
Hey, hey, look, look--
I'm not saying that some of these rules aren't ridiculous and I'm not saying they're fair, Tori but this is important--
How important is it to ruin a young woman's chance at freedom?
The Glaive's instructions were clear.
Tori is not to drink or have fun of any kind.
I got a list!
Hale, bubby-- I got this.
I got this and I have your best interests at heart.
Trust me!
I understand the lady in captivity dealio.
We're just gonna have some fun,
Tori's gonna have a lovely time and Detective Hale is gonna come out looking like a hero!
Please, Mr. Hale, sir?
Please! 
Please, please, please, please--
Okay.
A little fun.
But Kenzi, you have to be smart about this.
And responsible.
Dude! 
Those two words are, like, both my middle names.
And I'm not even drinking this month.
I'm on a cleanse.
I am so your fairy godmother.
♪
Ahhhhh!
Well, goodness--
You almost scared the life out of me.
Christoph, relax-
You're in such exalted company.
The finest lady marksman in the Old West--
A five-star General--
Genius, of the Italian kitchen--
I want to see my husband!
Don't be scared, dear boy--
I am a huge fan of yours.
And soon I'm sure you'll be a big fan of mine.
Isn't that right, everyone?
♪
The fates have smiled upon me--
And now-- you will dance again.
♪
How you doing, Gary?
You been down to the cemetery lately
You got a lot of nerve coming here, Wolf Boy.
You so much as lay a finger on me, and I'll eat it right off your Light Fae hand.
Hey, man--
I'm just here to borrow some sugar.
This is Bo's deal.
Do you know Bo?
She's unaligned.
Which means she's got the right to do whatever she wants to you.
Oh, and uh--
She's got a pretty wicked temper.
We used to date.
What happened to your finger there, Gary?
You not so good with the meat clever?
Oh, you know what they say--
Sometimes a flesheater's just too tired to get out of bed, go to the fridge--
Know what I mean?
Gary--
What do you know about a Groundskeeper?
I run a respectable and legal--
Organic human-meat butcher shop.
Are you having an office party?
Is your Dark Fae son coming of age?
Looking for something special and easy to eat for your buffet table?
Well, look no further than Gary's Meats!
We got chops, liver, ribs, eyeballs, loins--
The Groundskeeper was murdered, Gary, he had a family.
Humans are chosen by "farmers".
Now, these farmers watch and monitor these humans their whole life--
Living habits, eating habits, etc.
- Get dressed. 
You're coming with me.
- Hold it. 
He's mine.
You'll have to take a number and wait.
Or call ahead. 
Everybody wants to arrest him this time of year.
- Arrest me? 
What for?
- You're a Communist!
- He's a Fascist!
- I'm not either! 
I'm nothing.
We'll vouch for that.
I've got a list of 17 left-wing organisations and charities you've contributed to.
I never gave a dime to charity.
I believe every man has the right to be poor.
Doesn't explain the Communist front groups.
Those are just a front for these.
There's a new front moving in.
This shows your radical right-wing activities, from being an usher at a Bund meeting to pledging 25 dollars to a Martin Bormann telethon in Argentina.
- There's more here, Comrade Burns.
- What?
You're entitled to one phone call to the Kremlin.
Do you deny that last month in Tokyo you attended a performance of the Russian ballet?
- What's wrong with going to the ballet?
- That's how you people operate.
Today you're dancing in Tokyo, tomorrow all over Washington.
You gotta keep on your toes with the Russian ballet.
How about this little item?
Running a linen laundry for the Ku Klux Klan.
I never! 
It's a lie. 
They're all lies!
- Somebody's lying.
- That's right, and we know who it is.
It's us.
You two were so intent on finding some breach of security, some leak.
You guys are self-leaking.
Trying to protect yourjobs until you get to the old spies home.
- You could do ten years for this.
- For simple doctor's file doctoring?
You can't arrest us.
We got a run-of-the-war contract.
Choppers! 
Choppers, sirs.
Incoming wounded.
Fellas, it's been both a privilege and a nightmare meeting you.
Trap, I owe you one.
You really hit me below the belt.
Come see me. 
I do hernias.
Let's get to work, Frank.
Say "Sieg heil" or "Ochi chornye" to the nice gentlemen.
You've slandered one of the finest Americans since my father.
- Buy you a cup of coffee, Sam?
- Why not?
The following is ajoint surveillance report, CIA, G2, relative to personnel investigated, MASH 4077th.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce.
Captain John McIntyre.
Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake.
Major Margaret Houlihan and Major Frank Burns.
Corporal Radar O'Reilly.
Final recommendation MASH 4077th:
Strongly suggest continued observation.

I like it...
More, darling, more.
Time's over.
Is this enough... for 15 minutes more?
Ok...
Come on...
What will you do to me?
"Napoleon's offensive"
or "the taking of Sodom and Gomorrah"
No, I'd like "the 8:47 train"
Too long, I'm exhausted.
Give me my money back.
Ok.
Take it.
I'll give it to you if I can clean you.
Ok.
Oh, sweet.
You didn't say that before.
Is always the same.
Do you know what I do for a living?
But I'm not a Gigolo.
I'm a stud who pleases women who can afford it.
So?
There are call girls.
Why not a call boy?
Look at her.
Three hours and she still wants more.
I'm tired...
Ah, I almost forgot...
My name's Gerard Casanova.
My phone number is seven million.
or 70 00 000, if you like.
Ladies...
I'm totally yours.
SEXUALLY YOURS
What's up, Mr Gerard?
-Keeping on.
Still in the importing business?
-More than ever.
What are you importing?
Pleasures.
Always joking!
I put a lot of love in to my work.
You must be tough in business?
More than that, extremely tough.
You're table is ready, Mr Gerard.
-Take me there, Maryse.
I need strength.
Yes?
It's me.
I understand, ma'am, but I don't work by night.
Why?
I hate the extra hours.
Triple? 
so...
Nine hundred?
Nine Hundred francs?
Sure.
Do you have my address?
Perfect.
I'll be waiting.
It's urgent.
My name is Marie-Layre Vermanstein.
My husband doesn't work anymore, my lover doesn't satisfy me anymore.
I want surprises.
Do you have any for me?
Oh, lovely...
I didn't get scammed.
I want something great, something never seen before.
I make the rules, I do what I want.
Yes, treat me like a pleb.
Whisky or Beaujolais?
Beaujolais, my athlete.
I love plebs.
So strong, so muscular...
You're going to break my neck.
Imbecile.
Are you impressed?
I bet you are.
Make a phone call.
-Who?
Your husband.
-What do I tell him?
Whatever you want.
-Did you want something sensational?
Yes.
-You'll have it, now, obey.
Is that you, Leon?
Yes, who are you?
I'm your sweetheart.
Good, where are you?
I'm in...
Where?
In paradise.
What are you saying?
Again...
What are you doing?
I'm watching wrestling on TV.
Why do you scream?
Are there more people?
Yes...
Don't get tired, sweetie.
So...
See you, Leon.
I'll be waiting, see you sweetie.
Have...a good time.
Mr Gerard!
I have to talk with you.
-I don't talk with young ladies, even if they are as gorgeous as you are.
-I need you.
I don't.
I need sexual help.
I don't do that.
-Yes you do.
Do you know?
-Yes.
I've heard about you at the bar.
Two women I know love your skills, but not your prices.
I noted your address and followed you.
So, you're a virgin and don't want to be the inexperienced friend anymore.
No, I've had sex with boys.
With several?
-Well, you know, college.
Haven't you waited for sexual education?
Days are too long, and our skirts too short...
What do you want from me?
-An orgasm.
Your adventures aren't enough?
Boys talk too much,
And collect girls as stamps, but they enjoy their motorcycles more.
If I were in their place, I'd ride you.
That's what I'm asking for, I've saved 350 francs.
Don't talk about money.
-Yes, business is business.
I offer my body and money for your experience.
One for the other.
Girls today have no morals.
I don't ask for your opinion, just your action.
Ok
Tell me the day and hour.
Saturday, half past five at your place.
Ok.
I don't want to be a simple number in your address book.
I have a name:
Céline.
Nice name. 
Céline.
Until saturday, Gerard.
Wait for me.
Laveay's room?
-212, it has a bathroom.
How much?
-125F including breakfast.
Too expensive.
We have rooms with just a lavatory for 55F.
No!
My wife would be upset and that is more expensive.
How many days?
-Two.
Ok, they will bring your luggage up.
-No! 
I'll do it.
Just to save the tip!
You'll have more money for your vices.
Thanks for the info.
- Gerard is the more popular in Paris.
I'll call you when Maxime leaves.
What do you recommend...
for fun?
Advice is expensive now.
I'll do it by myself, then.
I'm going, I will be back late.
-When?
At dusk.
Who get's bored without her hubby?
I'll think of you.
-Travel makes you horny.
Yes.
Hello, give me 700 00 00.
I'll wait, thanks.
Laveay's room?
-212.
The elevator is to your right.
Gerard?
-Germaine?
Yes, come in.
I'm from the countryside.
From Montelyçon.
My husband works in textiles.
It's the first time I've cheated on him.
I'm nervous.
Don't worry, you will be relaxed with me.
For my services it's... 400F for half an hour, taxi included.
Cabs are expensive in Paris.
-Being quick has its rewards.
Prepare yourself, beautiful lady and wait in bed.
Ok, Mr Gerard.
-Be cool.
It's better for what we'll do... honey.
Yes, honey.
-I'll be back.
I'm afraid.
If you keep like that, I'll call the police.
A movie kiss, would you like it?
Marlon Brando style, Ok?
Open up! 
It's me!
-My husband!
What do I do?
Get under the bed.
Hurry.
The meeting was cancelled, I've lost the whole day.
well...
Not the WHOLE day...
Were you waiting for me?
-Yes, my love.
I will be back soon.
Germaine! 
You took care of everything.
Now he thinks he's Tarzan?
What a jerk!
I've never desired you like this...
You're so hot...
I like this...
It's never been like this!
I'd have to pay you!
He thinks I'm a whore.
What a pig...
HOW TO BE SUCCESFUL IN BUSINESS WITHOUT GETTING TIRED.
I like the effort you put in to this!
He likes the effort I put in to this...
You're so wild!
I've found my wild beast.
Ah, the women of Paris.
Ah, the women of Paris.
Ah, the women of Paris.
Do you have a cold?
-No.
Does he want to break a record?
I don't like his sweat.
It turns me off.
Now my make up!
The eye liner is running.
Can't see anything.
Now she closes her eyes, she's satisfied!
I'm a talented wild beast in bed.
Those are all mine.
-Yes.
Nice ones...
Lovely ones...
Yes.
We're better here than getting bored at Louvre.
Yes.
Yes.
I don't want more sex, to have to pretend, he's looking.
All night long.
I'll make love to you all night long.
Won't we have dinner?
-No.
We'll save money too.
Did I hurt you?
-Did I hurt you?
Not at all, and you?
-Neither.
Who screamed?
We did, honey.
Of pleasure!
You know what I'd like?
-No.
A foursome.
Like in the movies?
-Those things happen only in movies.
At hotels too.
You'll see.
Whisky, as usual?
-No, soda.
Difficulties at work?
-Not at all.
More work...
less alcohol.
I can help you if you need any help.
Let's give it a try.
-I don't know about imports, but...
I'm clever.
Too many tips?
-Kinda.
But your work is not like mine.
-Who knows?
Maybe you are more expert than me.
-Don't laugh.
You need three basic skills for my job:
A nice face,
Lots of charm,
And a big...
Really?
For female customers?
Exactly.
But not for everyone.
Only for those who pay.
I'll tell you.
No!
Breaking something gives you luck.
-Do you think so?
Yes. 
If you work with me.
A whisky to close the deal?
-Two, another for my assistant.
Let's celebrate!
The important thing is...
-Is...
Is there.
Oh, this...
Not bragging, but I'm a good size.
My lovers have been pretty satisfied, take a look.
They are easy to please.
Well, all of a sudden... it's like...
Like a little boy's.
Wait a minute, I'll be back soon.
Come with me.
-What's up?
Come.
What a lovely place.
-Gerard!
Tina!
-What's up?
Good, and you?
There's no way to get an appointment with you.
You always call me at the last minute.
You should take care of a good customer like me.
But you have one man already...
-Him? 
He's not worthy.
He's a parasite, I think he's gay too.
So what?
-Leave him, come on.
Do it good, Janine, my career depends on this.
I gave you 10.000F.
Yeah, yeah.
Stop Janine, stop! 
Or my erection will go down!
Impossible this week, next monday?
Must be in the morning.
-Perfect, honey.
Tina, 11:30.
Ok?
Is it good now?
So good, you'll start tomorrow.
Just to be sure, let's see what an expert says.
Look, Tina.
I need your opinion.
Not bad at all!
Not like yours, honey, but pretty close.
Who is he?
-My assistant.
Can I meet the disciple while waiting for the teacher?
Paying before or after?
-During...
Yes?
No, i'm not Gerard, I'm his partner.
His body double, But I can be the main role too.
Yes... 
I'm cute ma'am.
Yes, very strong.
1.90 Metres.
90!
Yes!
A real tarzan!
Ok...
Robert.
My name's Robert.
Wait, I'll take note.
Baroness...
Desieux...
Foch Avenue.
Five o'clock.
Ok, see you, Baroness.
Yes, this afternoon.
Who was it?
-A Baroness.
Who?
-Desieux.
Who's...
-For me.
Nice, a good start.
-Yes.
I'm happy.
-Let's celebate.
Bring a whisky.
With a straw.
-Here you are.
You'll be lucky again.
Your appointments:
Two o'clock, that pharmaceutical girl at Straw Street.
I almost forgot it!
Half past five, Miss Céline.
Here's a little present.
Is that how you call it, right?
Yes.
Where may I get undressed?
Are you in a hurry?
-I don't want to waste your time.
Champagne or whisky?
Coca Cola 
-I don't have it.
Nothing, then.
Don't you want to get in the mood?
-For what?
I'm a natural girl who doesn't need artificial means.
Whatever.
I need something hard, serious and virile.
I want to be yours with my head clear.
Don't you have something happier?
-Vivaldi's not sad.
But David Bowie is more modern.
Claude François?
-I said modern, not dumb.
You have music for old ladies only.
What's the matter, how dare you?
My lips are reserved for love.
You are rude.
I'm getting nervous.
If you don't like my methods,
If I can't touch you and if you want to give me lessons, keep your feelings and get fucked by someone else!
That all?
For now... yes.
This is sad.
I was liking it.
Don't try to seduce me.
That is my job.
Not the customer's.
What's wrong?
You're getting naked, I'm doing the same.
You think I could...
without warning?
You got me nervous.
It's your job.
Paying or not, a man is a man.
In order to do his job and make a woman happy, he needs to be horny.
If you know what I mean.
In other words, you can't get a boner.
Well, no!
The snail is in his shell.
Get dressed and get out.
Are you asking me to leave?
-If I can't do anything, yes.
What shall we do?
Invite me to dinner.
Your name?
-Mr Robert.
Mr Ro... bert what?
Just Ro...bert.
Yes?
Just Mr Ro...bert.
Get out, dumbass.
Baroness.
Come to the point.
Kiss me.
Yeah? 
In public?
So funny!
Come on, obey...
So, did Gerard tell you I want something special?
Yeah... 
I'm aware.
-Perfect!
Undress and come back when you're ready.
Ok.
It's a nice place, not like a college dining hall.
It's not like my regular diner neither.
Do you dine alone?
-Most of the time.
You know so many women, I thought it was different.
After spending the whole day with customers, dinner with a girl would be hellish.
May I go?
-Don't leave.
Hope will go with you.
This date will be expensive, Mr Seducer.
I have money from other women.
What a funny costume.
Are we going to a fancy dress ball?
-Shut up or I'll hit you.
Why are you laughing?
-It's funny.
Come close, impertinent.
-yes.
Take your hat off when talking to me.
On your knees.
-Knees?
Obedience is the first virtue of a man.
They said so at military school, but the officer didn't have a body like yours.
Do you like it?
-Not much.
Sadly, you'll get more.
Shut Up!
Scum!
Did you call me to make love or to insult me?
I thought you was lovely.
-Men deserve to be punished.
What a load of crap.
Enough!
-I'm leaving.
Get out of the way, sucker!
I see stars...
What's your partner do?
-The same as me.
Eating?
-Tasting.
May I ask you something?
If I can answer, shoot.
Why does a young, good looking man like you, prostitute himself?
Apart from money.
-Money is a key element.
If you do it just for money, you make me sick.
I love women who give me the money.
If you're blaming me, I have some mitigation.
What?
-My last name, ancestry.
You can't be Casanova's offspring without having his genes.
It's not an easy name.
I spent my youth surrounded by luxury.
When I was 20 months old, women already loved me.
I was lucky to be born in a bourgeois and wealthy family.
They spoiled me all day long.
My mother, my babysitter, my aunt.
Isn't he cute?
-An angel fallen from heaven.
-They flattered me.
Look at this body.
that chest.
That bottom.
I already turned them on.
It was hard to say no.
Being that young?
-You bet.
Looks like his father.
-And Uncle Rémi.
How do you know that?
-I can imagine.
What a long dick.
Huge!
Maestro!
I'm afraid now.
-You won't need any other.
Presumptuous!
When she gave me baths, my babysitter got hot.
From the thrill or the heat, I don't know.
I was a lucky boy.
20 months old and dancing with women.
You wasn't dangerous.
No, but I danced naked with a girl!
And why did you start asking for money.
-I'll tell you.
Every night, the same.
It's annoying.
I can't help it, Mr Gerard.
I can't go to bed without seeing your beautiful cock.
Seen enough?
-No.
It's so cute.
I'll tell my parents about this!
-Please, don't.
What can I do for your silence?
Nothing.
Your parents aren't very generous.
And that's how it all began.
Thanks.
Oh, thanks.
And she was thankful too.
A woman paying a man, that's not right.
It doesn't matter.
-I'm just a little boy.
Move your fingers, sweetie.
Yeah...
Come on.
More...
Yeah...
Oh, yeah...
Come on.
Like that.
Am I pretty?
-Yes.
Fuck me.
Fuck me with all your strength.
Yes, harder, sweetie, harder.
What's your verdict?
Not guilty,
But please quit that sinful business.
Till when?
Until you really love me.
Want more?
Take a breath.
I've really enjoyed paying you.
Can you take the handcuffs off?
-I can't feel my wrists.
Five minutes only, then we'll start again.
I start now.
No! 
I don't...
I like it!
Harder!
You make love so good.
Love?
You're cute.
Strong.
Virile.
Nobody has made love to me like you do.
Hail vikings!
I'm leaving.
-No, stay!
I'll give you my life.
-I have enough with mine.
My fortune.
-Now we can talk.
Will you be back?
-Yes, to console you.
Will you beat me?
You can book a hospital room!
I like him.
Your c-clothes, sir.
Thank you.
Come with me, I have a nice present for you.
Why?
For doing the same to her.
-You too?
Yes.
20 years being her butler, I've aquired her manners.
I need to be dominated.
Are y-you ok?
What are your tastes?
Slap-p-ping and b-beatings.
Where?
In the f-face
Wow.
Didn't you forget something?
-Yes.
The tip!
Let's have a drink.
-Cool.
In a bar?
-No, somewhere else.
Where?
-Wherever you want.
Where are you going?
-Shopping.
Are you joking?
-I wouldn't dare.
Where do you come from?
-I don't come from, I get inside...
ID.
ID!
Just what I thought.
No ID!
What's in that suitcase?
That suitcase!
My ID!
Are you a wrestler?
-No, bartender, its written there.
Dangerous job.
-Depends on the day.
Where do you live?
-22 Cop Street.
Does it exist?
-Yes! 
Look, district 6.
Are these your working clothes?
No, I'm coming from a costume party.
Where?
-At...
Who's?
Who's?
My lover's.
Is that true?
-I swear it, on your hat.
You can go.
I'll stay here.
Go upstairs, I live on the fifth floor.
I know, but I live here.
What?
Yeah, that's right.
Did you think I'd be yours for a small dinner and a walk?
i can't believe it.
I'm a lady and I will only give my body when married.
I've heard a lot of things, but this...
You have a lot to learn from women, honey.
Specially from the ones that don't pay.
Nice dreams.
If you think about me, don't forget where I live.
Third floor.
Casanova, my ancestor.
Give me some advice.
Go to bed.
-Thanks.
How was your first experience?
I quit in the first round.
very funny.
very funny.
Hey...
A woman named Olga called.
She was upset.
She waited for you at ten.
It's midnight and she's still waiting.
Shit! 
I forgot that one.
You can't be at the wedding and baptism at the same time.
What do you mean?
When in love, no one else exists.
Doors will be open and lights off, as usual.
She wants fun in the dark.
-I know, she's a maniac.
I've know her for 6 months, and still I can't see her face.
Maybe she's a ghost.
-Maybe!
Bye, Dracula.
Later, big boy.
Big boy...
My jaw.
Is that you Gerard?
-Who else? 
Forgive my lateness.
You are here, that's what's important.
Come, come sweet.
You have changed your perfume.
It's from India.
Do you like it?
Aphrodisiac.
Makes me want to make love.
Me too.
You are my sheik.
Yes...
Yes...
Gerard...
I like it...
Yes...
Yes...
You always give me orgasms.
And with your customers?
A few times.
We're like each other.
We like love for love, body for body.
What bothers me is the face.
Maybe you're right.
I'd like to touch your face with the lights on.
No.
Never.
Light kills illusions.
Olga,
Aren't you happy?
It's not that.
I hate seeing the face of men while making love.
And after?
I whish I could evaporate, as if nothing had happened.
Are you Ok?
I'm coming...
I'm coming.
Why are you dressed like that?
I'm your employee, for good and bad.
Morning is not the best time of the day.
Have breakfast with me.
Sorry sir, I've already had breakfast in the kitchen.
Are you joking?
I'm happy!
I feel alive at last!
And that suit?
It will give us distinction when opening the door, since you have elegant customers.
What's for today?
A quiet day. 
Appetizer and dinner here at 7 o'clock.
And you?
Same plan.
I have an appointment with the owner of the Salivert shops.
A heavy customer.
-Yeah.
I hope I can respond.
You'll take care of my guest, too.
It's not going to be easy.
Difficult situations are your forte.
I'm a slave, sir.
Well paid.
Cool.
-I'll take some air.
Let's get everything ready.
You forgot something.
-Good evening, sir.
-Hey, buddy.
What do you want?
To talk to Mr Casanova, is he here?
No, but you can leave a message, we're like suit and shirt.
I'm the shirt.
And this?
-Nothing but a uniform.
I hate to talk with servants.
Yes.
What do you want?
My bosses are rich.
They have lots of money.
Two women...sisters.
One's 30, the other is 32.
They are beautiful.
With beautiful bodies.
Come on, hot girls.
Their names are Mathilde and Gilberte.
These lovely girls want to taste forbidden pleasures.
Yes.
Cool, do you know our rates?
300F.
-Each.
This sunday.
-Will cost the double.
In the countryside.
-Will be triple.
If we add location and transport, it will cost 5000F.
Expensive, but I guess they'll be Ok.
10 per cent for me?
Of course.
Greetings to Mathilde and Gilberte.
-In your name.
Everything's ready.
Hurry up, they will be here in 15 minutes.
And your customer?
She's here in my room.
Didn't you cancel the appointment?
-It was impossible.
I'm so beautiful that everybody wants me.
Ok, I don't think I forgot anything.
Alice, my customer has been a widow for 4 years.
She comes every two months and pays really good.
Everything must be perfect.
-She's a complicated woman.
She comes here to see me play a role:
Being her husband in their last night of love.
She has never been in love again.
She pays for a performance.
I don't think I like that.
-Don't be a fool.
Open.
Men like us are meant to be hard to reach.
Mr Clermont's widow.
Gerard, honey...
Kiss me.
Take a seat, my dear lady.
Call me Alice, as my husband did.
I promise I will honour his memory.
-I count on that.
Would you like a drink?
-A cocktail.
What's Robert's advice?
Chihuahua:
Aquavit, vodka, cloves and a bit of Angostura.
So strong that it brings the dead back to life.
Save your comments.
I'll be as mute as a tomb.
Excuse me.
Stop screwing things up.
I won't talk.
Gerard, dear. 
Don't leave me.
Sir...
This bottle is dead.
I'll add gin.
Where are we going to travel today?
Austria, Morroco and Russia.
How long will it be?
Endless, just like our love.
I'd like to be in Russia.
May I leave?
I beg you, please.
Yes, sir.
Delicious.
-Lovely.
I need you, I want you...
You'll have me, you will...
Who will give Janine some caresses?
Who?
-Me!
And who will give Roberto some money to buy sweeties?
Me! 
Me!
If my mother could see me now...
Attention...
Large asparagus from Argentina.
And tyrolese sauce.
Thanks.
-Bravo.
Hope you like it, sir.
You turn me on with that costume.
Those thighs...
Who will have these thighs?
-My pants.
This is hot.
I think you'll give me lots of surprises.
These brand new shoes.
Let the game begin.
I love your toes.
What's this?
It's exhausting.
Does she want to pee or poo?
No, she wouldn't open her mouth like that.
Nice trick, I'll remember that.
And what do you do with her ears?
No, this...
Do I bring the next dish?
Or do I make the bed?
Next dish.
Am I the favorite of the harem?
Fuck me...
Fuck me...
Fuck me...
I've to see to the couscous.
My country's couscous.
I'm not hungry, let's have the dessert.
Did you hear, Ahmed?
-I'll put it back in the can.
Bring the dessert, hurry.
-Yes, sir.
Oh, today or tomorrow?
Shit!
This girl is hot.
He's cute, expensive but cute.
His skin is so smooth, and smells so good.
What's he waiting for?
Let's start...
Caress first.
Original, but not so much.
I'm hot.
I'm hot.
Now this is good.
I could have been a gynaecologist.
Come...
Is this the famous "warrior's break"?
Not bad at all.
She's not bad, she could have my job too.
Yeah, laugh...
I want to see you in my pants.
Good.
Women want everything.
In a classic position, I play something classical.
You deserve it.
-Shut the fuck up.
"You abandoned me, I'm in the bathroom, Janine"
Are you alone?
-Janine's in the bathroom.
Alice too.
What's up?
-Come here!
Who is it?
-Open.
Come with me.
Sad, they had interesting ideas.
No...
-Open!
Always me...
Good night.
Sir, is Alice Clermont here?
-Yes.
I'm here to pick her up.
But...who are you?
Henri de Clermont, her husband.
Don't worry dear, it will be a great day.
You'll see those eyes...
Don't worry dear, it will be a great day.
You'll reach the sky...
Don't worry dear...
If they call me, I'm on holiday.
And I'm in a slimming clinic.
So good...
See you, exploiter.
Don't worry dear, take your panties off.
I'll show you paradise.
Hi, dear.
I'm going to the woods.
-I'm going with you.
I lied.
There's no surprise coming from a woman.
I wear pants at college and never made love.
I don't like young men.
But you have saved enough money to have a great time with me.
That's a lie too.
I've been living here for 3 years, and I see you everyday.
I'm in love with you.
I've never seen you.
-That's why I made up this role.
I pretended to be a customer, and you noticed me.
You're a strange little girl.
-Hold me tight.
Don Juan, the nice gigolo falls in to a young lady's arms.
Biologically, I'm already a woman.
Aren't you disgusted about my job?
You'll leave your filthy job to get married to me.
I'll take you at your word.
I hope you will.
As soon as possible.
Do you really like me?
I love you.
And you?
I waited for you, but with no hope.
And your job?
I'll quit tomorrow.
It will be my last piece of work.
In the countryside.
Promise me.
-I swear.
For?
For our love.
Hurry!
Come and get us!
Hurry!
Sportsmen are such a turn on.
I like love, come and get us!
Who's going with Gilberte?
Who's gonna fuck Mathilde in the woods?
We will.
In lousy conditions... 25 Kilometers...
Riding these bikes like assholes!
If I knew this...
-It's all your fault.
Don't get angry, Gerard, your blood pressure...
I ride customers, not bikes!
Cheer up, today you're going to have both.
Very funny.
Say hi to the champ!
Come on!
You're a couple of bums.
Faster!
Stop, I can't go on any more!
Stop!
I stop when I want!
Stop!
Stop!
My God, I hope he's alright...
Poor thing...
Are you ok?
-My leg hurts.
Ernest, stay with Robert.
Gerard...
Gilberte and I are going to pick some flowers.
-How do you feel?
-I'm in perfect shape.
I was a paratrooper for 3 years.
Go with them.
No way, let Gerard do the work.
It's not fair.
-He deserves it for yelling at me.
So, I'll pay you half of the price.
-if you do, forget your 10%.
And you'll get a punch, too.
Maybe you didn't know, but I was a boxer.
Me too!
-Oh, yes?
Do you want the same as your sister?
Yes, we like it that way.
We don't want to get pregnant.
And the pill?
-Makes us fat.
Fat?
Hurry up.
Do you recant yourself?
-No!
If you don't, I'll speed up.
No, you are an asshole!
A big asshole!
You asked for it!
No!
Who's the asshole?
Me! 
Me!
Who's the big asshole?
Me! 
Me!
Who's goning to be sorry for thinking that I'm an asshole?
Me.
Me again.
Are you ok with me asking for my part of the fee?
Sure, you will get it.
Yes! 
Yes! 
Yes! 
Yes!
Was the wait too long?
-It was great!
Cut the crap:
The money.
Why are you laughing?
Because this is all a farce, nothing is real!
There's no castle.
I'm not a real driver.
I'm Carrousel's doorman.
These bills are fake.
And regarding Mathilde and Gilberte...
They are not women!
They are transvestites!
What?
!
We did it pretty good!
These women are...
-Yes, and me too!
Gerard, I've something tell you tonight.
One moment, please.
Thanks.
When will you get married?
-As soon as possible.
Shut up or I'll beat you.
-Oh, yes, my Hercules.
Not here.
This is happening to me.
Don't worry, I'll find another one for you.
Thanks, Henri.
Now that he has left me, you can start working.
I won't maintain you without working.
Now? 
In bed?
I want to do my labours as a husband.
At last!
A customer?
-I don't think so.
Business is finished,
Forever.
I'll open it.
Yes?
Is here.
It's me.
I'll call you as we arranged, but don't know what to say.
You ask the questions, I'll do the answers.
I'm lost.
Ok, Mr Roland.
Tomorrow at Four o'clock, Foch Hotel as usual.
Yes dear, I'll wear my boots and black stockings.
See you tomorrow, dear.
You too...?
Yes, my love.
Since you quit doing business...
One of us has to work to make a living.
-ENGLISH SUBS EXCLUSIVELY FOR CG- 
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Improved by suckmysound ;) -

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See you after college
Who knows who will win this jackpot
Don't be silly
I'm speaking to you
Aren't you ashamed of teasing girls like this?
What do you mean
Don't act
This flower is the proof of your mischief
What do you want to say ln future if you throw flowers you'll get stones
I don't have the time or habit to throw flowers at girls
There are many fools in the college
Go try them I'll complain to the principal about you
My name is Bhatnagar MSC Final
You can also tell him I slapped you
Will you slap me?
Of course, you are disturbing my studies
Go away or I'll hit you
So it's you
You let the most beautiful and richest girl in college go
So you were being naughty l threw flower at her worshipped her
You should have worshipped openly
Why did you trap me ?
Because I don't stand a chance with you
You are the college hero
You are top in studies and sports
But there is one thing missing
You don't trap anyone and don't trap yourself I don't like such jokes
College may be a play ground for you lt is the foundation of life for me
You are angry unnecessarily
What's the idiot written in this I'm talking of that idiot Kamal
Forget him I can never forget him
What are you saying ?
You are very lucky lt's no ordinary thing to talk with Kamal
He doesn't even look at girls
One day he'll look at my shoes
He may be a hero
But I'll teach him a lesson I'm changing your name right now
Mrs Sunita Bhatnagar
She is a Miss I'll take time to be Mrs
The electricity is cut off again
We'll complain to the superintendent
The fatso is here
The light went off again
Why don't you do something ?
What should I do I've complained several times
We are afraid to stay in darkness
We can neither write or read
Light a candle in every room
Tonight make do with a candle
Tomorrow we'll speak to the principal
Make do with a candle
If today I say
This flower is proof of your mischief ?
You have come till here
How dare you enter the girls' hostel?
Misunderstood again I'm not chasing you, you are not worth it
I've come here with the permission  of the principal
The man who threw flowers at you is Suresh
Who is this Suresh ?
The romeo of our college
He always teases girls
That means I was mistaken
Of course
Did you find anything ?
I've found loose wires
That's why there are sparks
Did you find anything ?
We'll have to change your line I mean we'll have to change the wiring   all through to the room
You go bring the wires
I'm finished, I'm ruined
What enmity did you have with me ?
What happened ?
My Lallu is under your car
And your car is on top of my Lallu
My dear Cock is killed
You are shouting for the sake of a cock ?
You are calling it ordinary 40 of my hens have become widows
What is it you want
Give him back his life I cannot do that
You can take, you must also give
Or I'll see you in court
There is no 302 in case of animals
Take out 100 from it
Take it 202. 
Come on give it
As if father has come
Be ashamed
You take the money
Why didn't you tell me before
That you're the captain of the cricket team ?
Go and take the cock with you
But this time I've brought the full amount 125 rupees and pack it lt's 17 5 rupees this time
Tax increases in one night
You talk of 15 days
Keep it and pay me later
He's jealous
Don't waste time someone will come
Yes. 
Your master. 
What were you doing ?
I had seen a movie
You are always thinking of films
Did you bring my clothes from the laundry
Did you wash my pants and check the pockets?
There was a handkerchief I washes it as well
Here is one rupee
Keep this coin I will see a movie
Rascal. 
Bring a hot cup of tea I'll just bring it
One man had come
Why did you send this ?
Because you needed it
How did you know ?
I was in the shop when you were buying it
But you didn't see me
Why are you making fun of me
By doing me this favour I heard
You are the daughter of a rich father
Do you have a habit of buying   people's helplessness ?
You've misunderstood me I treated you badly twice before I wanted to beg pardon but didn't dare
I wanted to give you something to please you
But didn't know I'll have to hear so many taunts I didn't mean to hurt you
No, you really mean it lf you really don't want to hurt me -
- then accept my gift
There are some things a man   can never forget
This is one of them lt will be an obligation upon me I had to take a ticket
For what movie ?
Not movie, but train
Father wrote that there is trouble about the land
Which village is that ?
Chandanpur. 
You may have heard of it lt's a 3 hour journey by train
And 2 hours 30 minutes by bus
So it must be about 200 miles away lt might be more than that lf the train is late
The bus leaves
Then one has to wait 2 hours 30 minutes
What's the use of wasting time lf l take you in 3 hours   by car. 
And listen before you refuse I've seen every big city in India I would like to see a village lt's an excuse for another favour I'm very fond of touring villages
Why doesn't it start ?
No. 
The tank is full
Something else must be wrong
I found the defect
The stone pierced the tank
What will happen now ?
Close up the car and we'll walk
Walk ? 
How Long ?
Six to eight miles lt may be ten lt's a question of the machine
You wait in the car. 
Close the windows I'll arrange for fuel and a mechanic
Don't go leaving me
You are a coward
Take, wipe your head
Why is there a "G"
It should have been an "S" l didn't notice
You have sharp eyes
O.K. I'll take the G for God
The rain is increasing
You weren't scared this time I wasn't alone this time
I was frightened that time
But I know "App" means distance
Which is better
Distance or closeness
What do you want ?
You cannot give me what I want
Should I tell you the truth
A hot cup of tea
Drink it
Why don't you drink ?
Go ask the lawyer
The date of the law suit
May you live long
You were to come yesterday
The car broke down on the way
Who is she?
Sunita, my class mate
So she came along with me
You are shouting as if
Dhondu has gone to Kathmandu
Where is he ?
I am as I was
But you've become two
She is our guest. 
Hurry up and take the luggage
is Sunita in your class ?
No. 
She's in her first year Very junior to me
We study in the same college I thought it was something else
That you liked her and brought her to show me
There is nothing like that
But the girl is very nice I want a daughter-in-law like her
Then forget Sunita
She is the daughter of a millionaire ln marriage a family comes   before money
He may be a millionaire
But he only wants his daughter
To have a good husband
Whose marriage are you discussing ?
I was telling Kamal
The sooner one gets married, the better
After your studies
Your father too will be worried about this
What are you thinking of ?
I've come to the village for the first time I wish to stay here forever
You haven't seen anything yet
Our village is a little heaven ln the morning when the sun rises
Behind the hill, across the river
Where are you going   all alone ?
She wants to go to Bombay
Stay for a few more days
She has to take her car on the way
Then reach college in time
Or her studies will suffer
But you must come again ls there anything special
Between us, I don't know why
The girl became so close in one meeting -
- your letter is finished
But it won't reach there
A 5 paisa stamp is not available
Have you got it ?
I have to post this letter by morning
Where will I get a stamp ?
Gita's writing table is like   a post office
She writes letters to Dharmender all night
Mr. Kamal Bhatanagar
You must meet Guruvar Sahib
You must ask about his health
Sunita's letter has come
But she has written this   to her own father   whose address is on the envelope
The address is mine lt means the letters have been mixed up
The letter to you must have gone to her father lt's all useless
Nothing worth reading
Let me see it
Dear Daddy, Today I've a special thing
I met his father too a very good man I'm sure you both will like Kamal
You said this was useless
A daughter-in-law like the moon   will come to my house
What are you staring at ?
We'll white wash the whole house
And put curtains on doors and windows
Also repair and polish the chairs ls a minister coming to this house
Not a minister, but a daughter-in-law
May I say something ?
You are making a castle in the air
This letter didn't reach her father
But the letter which has gone to her father
That will bear fruit
Daddy, you sent a cable
"Come at once." So I came
Don't talk to him
You have been brought here
So that when he sees a young daughter   he might feel ashamed lt's my misfortune after 25 years -
- of marriage I know your father
What happened ?
At this age, your father got a love letter
It's good the letter came to me
Or he would have fooled me all his life lt cannot be so
Then read it yourself
What is all this
So the boy's name is Kamal
The name is nice
What do you think ?
I knew this matter will make you laugh
What are you saying ?
We have only one daughter
We always wanted her to be happy
And what she has written in her love letter l did not know that this letter has come here
The letter l wrote to you
You must have written that there ls a boy in college whom you like very much
And you want to marry him
You told me you will explain to her
What is there to explain ?
Our daughter is educated
She knows good and bad lf l say something
What do you want to say
You chose this boy and he must be good I and your mother are worried
You have never been wanting anything
You have everything
One or two thousand is your monthly expenditure lf you married me to a millionaire   who would be poor after marriage
The matter is closed
When I married I was not a millionaire
One should have love
They are farmers and I met them
Now we will meet him
When did you come ?
You were busy playing
So I sat quietly
Man must do something
But what brings you here
You arranged for a job in your company
That is fixed
But accommodation is given after one year   of service
But you are alone. 
Stay with me
There is a small problem I'm getting married
What ? 
Congratulations
Therefore I need a house
The house in front is empty
I want your company I'll get a good friend and a good neighbour
Come. I'll show you the house
The key is with Kanhaiya Lala
The foreman in our company I'll introduce you to him. 
He also lives here
I'm your father
See what I do
Who is it ?
This is Kamal
Now he works in our company
He'll live in the bungalow
The sun hasn't set yet
And you began drinking ?
What else can I do ?
It's Sunday. I don't know when the sun rises
That means you've been drinking since morning
Morning or night
This is life
O.K. You enjoy yourself Where is the key ?
She has gone out I meant the key of the house I thought you meant my key
You should have cabled I would have come to the station lt would have just been an inconvenience
This is Mohan
The house and the job thanks to him
If you need anything
Telephone for you
There must be an urgent call lt's said the lock of a new house   should be opened by the wife
What is the matter ?
Master has brought a new wife
Another one trapped
Aren't we also a handsome couple ?
I've told you not to drink so much
But you just won't listen
Your heart is beating so fast
Mine or yours ?
Both
What is the matter
Do you remember the time you married I'm cursing the day in which
So many years have passed since then
We couldn't become parents
Come on get up I'll tell you just now. 
Get up I'm up. 
Now tell me
When I was coming back I saw
What did you see
The master who is newly married
What were they doing ?
He and his wife
To his wife I won't tell
He caught his wife like this
Then what happened ?
I'll go ask him
Where are you going ?
is this a thing to ask about ?
Ask your heart
My heart is saying   a child will soon come to this house
Won't you drink any more today ?
I feel like drinking you
See, someone is outside
Who's this so early in the morning ls Kamal there ?
Go tell him I'm not well l have a headache, say something
How can I go like this ?
Go on
Has Kamal got up yet ?
Yes, but he's lying down
He's got up but still lying down ?
He's got a headache
Does he have fever ? 
Let me see
Not feeling well l have a severe headache I'll have some medicine and be alright
Why not see a doctor ?
You have to go to the office on Monday
Yes, I have to
The Company doctor lives here. I'll fetch him I'm dying lf the doctor comes then
You made the excuse now you suffer
Doctor will give you an injection
You will wait for him, I'll bring tea
Will he give me a big injection ?
Where is the patient ?
He is here
Sit down. I understand your problem
Did you drink last night ?
No. I don't drink
How is the pain ?
Blood pressure is low
Are you a doctor for dogs ?
Not at all
What is it, Doctor
Everything normal
Bring it this side
What disease do I have ?
I'll tell you lt's too bad to go to extremes
When did get you married ?
Seven days ago
What do you want to say ?
For your health, eat 3 days   and fast 3 days
What do you mean ?
Living with your wife, you've to be reasonable
How can this be ?
Very simple. 
There are 6 days in a week
Thursday, Friday and Saturday
For your enjoyment
The rest you'll have to fast
You forgot Sunday
That is a holiday
Complete rest
Remember my advice
How are you ?
Idiot. 
He gave me a big injection
Do you know what he said ?
Today is Saturday. 
My life is made
What is this madness ?
Let me go
The doctor told me
Has my wife left the key with you ?
Are you going out ?
As it's a holiday, let's have our meal out
What will you do at home the whole day ?
Come with us l would have come but I   have to go to a meeting in my club
What happened ?
The programme was for us only
Why did you invite Mohan ?
We wouldn't have been disturbed
He didn't have the key to his house
So I called him
But I don't like it I won't do such a thing again
Please bring 2 ice creams
And have one yourself
We'll sit here
What will you do here ?
Don't you remember what the doctor said ?
Today is Sunday
Then the ice cream is cancelled
Aren't you going to the office ?
It's still early
Why are you bothering my sleep ?
I was dozing off, you played the sitar I'll throw it out one day I have only one sitar left
Let it remain mine lf the sitar is yours   why did you marry me ?
You are angry in the morning
You sleep, I'm going to the office
I'm your wife just by name
Why don't you divorce me ?
For fear of being disgraced
You have everything here
Even as a wife you have complete freedom lf you keep away from me I have a right to amuse myself
For amusing yourself you have   disgraced yourself before marriage
That's why your father did not   find any boy except me
What is this nonsense
Your father would have been ruined lf my father had not helped lf he has only bargained
To save me father I had to marry you
But you are like a disease   with which a man can neither live or die
How is it
In the morning when a wife   makes breakfast for her husband lt's a happy life, good wife
What else can one want ?
How is Mohan's wife ?
Very bad temper I just went to the garden
Absolutely lost in himself
She came and started shouting at him lt is one's fate
Mohan is a nice man
Seeing him playing the sitar I think he has an artistic mind
The wife of such a man
Should be lovely and cheerful ln the days of our honeymoon
Where did this Mohan come in ?
Bring tea
You'll get tea in the morning
Milk with breakfast
Children drink milk
You are as naughty as children
Why ? 
What did I do ?
You tease me a lot. 
Come on, drink it I won't drink it
Will you drink it or not ?
I will, but not like this
Then how will you drink ?
The way a baby drinks from a bottle
Let me go
You can only think of one thing
Some car has come I have asked for it lt will be with us the whole day
We'll roam from morning to evening
Hurry and get dressed I'll hit you
You are looking lovely
Really
Do you know what I want ?
I want to hide you in my eyes
And close the lids
So no one else can see you lf someone snatched you away, then
It won't be so
Where did this cigarette come from?
You have left it
Some came and went quietly
Keep this door and the back door closed
What did you ask God for ?
A daughter
Why didn't you ask for a son?
Sons are all rascals lt means you too
A son forgets his parents when he grows up
But a daughter also loves and remembers
May your prayers come true
Today is Shivatri
Take the offering
It's time to go
Slavery begins this day
Have some sweets and go
What happened I forgot something important
What is that
Shall I bring betal leaves ?
Didn't you understand ?
Go away
You've become very naughty
You are very stubborn
is Mohan's set ready lt will take 10 minutes
Rascal, what are you doing here ?
I work in the sales department
Since 6 months I joined it just now
I'm very angry with you and Sunita
You both forgot your college friend
You got married but didn't inform me
We got married in a hurry
And I didn't have your address
But now I know everything
You cannot escape
When are you giving a party ?
On this Sunday
O.K. Come on Sunday
What do you mean
You must call the whole staff
Are you all free on Sunday evening ?
Mr. Kamal is giving a party
Tea and soft drinks won't do
You must serve whisky
Where will I get whisky from ?
Don't worry. I'll bring it
It's all pure orange lt's Black and White
Give me some from the White
Don't mention the name of the wine
What do you want? 
White or black ?
Neither. I'm just looking at your moustache
Do you like it very much ?
Yes. I like it very much
Come here. 
Take it
Keep it safely
What do you mean ?
You are afraid of your wife
Please give him permission to drink
Or the whole party will be spoiled
When they want you, you may   forget them. 
What do you say ?
Drink
No need for formalities lt's just a small gift
One doesn't always get the chance
To present gifts
You are right
Take your sitar and let us listen   to something beautiful
But I only play the sitar
Who will sing ?
I'll arrange for that
We only have to request sister-in-law
No. I cannot sing
Don't refuse I'm telling the truth. I've left singing
When everyone asks then sing
Sing for me I'm telling you, I'm not in the mood
For my sake
Music is the gift of God lt is to give to others I will not request from you lf there is magic in the tune of my sitar -
- you will definitely sing
Stop it. 
People will laugh
People are applauding my Sunita
Why shouldn't I ?
What is this ?
Suresh, don't go. 
Let's have a drink
What was the need to drink so much ?
Shall I tell you ?
I was lonely in the party
You were lost in the song
People were lost in listening
Sitting far away I was watching people
Who were watching you
Don't ever touch whisky again
How is your prevailing mood ?
Today you have come early
The time is over
Then your watch is wrong
Who knows right and wrong I'll be a bit late this evening
Some students have called me for tennis
They'll say he has become the slave of his wife, if I don't go   will you mind ?
Friends have some claim on you
You can go to the club daily
Alright. I will
Have you forgotten
You kiss I'm getting late. I must go
Let's have another game
What is it ? 
You look worried lt's nothing
You haven't played well today
What is the matter ?
Mohan didn't come to play tennis
Till today he never failed to come
He left the office early
The girl said I forgot to tell you something
This is my husband
Oh. 
He's come
He just told me a joke I nearly died laughing
Tell it once more
A joke is not funny if repeated
Today you did not come to play tennis
Everyone was waiting for you I had to go to a party I came home early, my wife was out
The house was locked
This house is also yours
So I came here lt's good you were at home
Or I would have been very bored I'll bring coffee
You are spoiling my habits I just had two cups
Then one more won't harm
One coffee for Mohan and one tea for me
is it still early for your party ?
Shall I go and change ?
Mohan has gone. 
His wife has come lt's so beautiful lt's surely my Sonu's choice
No. lt's Mohan's choice
He presented it to me
The choice of artists are strange
Do you like it ?
Do you like it ?
Very much
Other people have given me presents
But I like this the best I've got milk on the stove lt might boil over
You have come home so early
Didn't you go to play ?
What were you doing ?
I was just cleaning the house
Why is the door open
To throw out the dirt
You should shut it before night fall
You seem worried
What is the matter
Why are you checking every room
Had someone come to see me ?
No. 
Yes. 
Mohan had come
He had to go out
He wanted a bag so I gave him yours lt's good our things are useful   to our neighbour
Who broke this glass ?
May I come in ?
Where is Kamal I have to talk with him
His friend's condition is very serious
He's gone to see him
He'll be back tomorrow
That's why in the office   he seemed a little worried
Am I disturbing you ?
No. I was getting bored I was just reading
What will you drink I'm in a hurry
There's a programme of Ravishankar
The committee sent 2 tickets
As usual she's gone to the movies
She's busy in her world
Come with me
We'll be back by 10 o'clock
Wait, I'll get dressed
Who is behind the curtain ?
Who are you ?
You were at your friend's
How come you are here ?
What is the meaning of keeping an eye on   me at midnight
What do you have to do with Mohan ?
You have so much sympathy in your heart I know you both meet in my absence
The world knows, Mohan's wife   does not love him
And you are making up for that
This evening you went with him
Where did you go ?
Now I know the reason for your frigidity I could never think that you would doubt me
I'm feeling ashamed of myself
What did I see in you ?
Why did I love and marry you ?
You did not answer my question
What relationship do you have with Mohan ?
Do you want to know ?
I won't tell you
But from today I have no   relationship with you
If you leave the house like this   my suspicion will prove correct
It doesn't matter I'm going away from your life forever
In my absence there is none to welcome you
I came to meet you both
Knowing that I'm not at home
Sunita told me you went out somewhere lt would be better if I had gone
You two would have freedom
What do you mean ?
I would never have got a friend like you
You did so much for me
You got me a job and a house lt's a friend's duty to help a friend
To play with his honour To burn his house
What is this nonsense
Today you slapped me I forgive you   because I'm your friend
Suspicion has made you lose your senses
But the day you come to your senses
You'll regret this
What happened, daughter ?
Now I will never go there
You've quarrelled with our son-in-law
You ? 
That means your daughter reached home
You should be ashamed of   treating Sunita in this way
Not me but your daughter who took advantage of my love
You are blaming her falsely lf this is false, why did she leave the house?
Why didn't she answer my question ?
You misunderstood
That's why I've come to make you understand I don't have any time
My father is ill. I have to go to the village
What would you have done   if you were in my place I would face it I'd remove this misunderstanding
But I'd never leave my house
You are innocent. 
Why are you afraid ?
Go back to Kamal
Never. 
Sunita will never go there
Nowadays men and women are equal
Whoever makes the mistake should suffer
But in our society   no one sees the mistake of the man
The wife is always blamed and punished
Sunita has lost Kamal's faith
She'll never be happy with him
Every couple quarrels
But they make up afterwards
You are right to be angry with Kamal
But don't let this go further lt's the question of our daughter
A father cannot see the   destruction of his own daughter
Then go and see Kamal   make him understand I have already met with him
He insulted me and went to his village
He doesn't care for Sunita I've decided that if he does not apologize -
- she won't return to him
Someone is here to see you
Who are you ?
Kamal's friend and neighbour
What is your name ?
Sunita must have told me about you
Like her I am too   a victim of this misunderstanding
Why don't you try   to explain to your friend ?
I didn't get the chance
When I met Kamal after Sunita left
He slapped me
Did Kamal slap you ?
He is not in his senses
He's a very good friend
So I didn't take offence
Then why did you come here ?
To request Sunita to tie   the Rakhie on my hand   so Kamal can remove his doubt forever
The man who doubts   his wife and his best friend   can also insult.
Anyhow they should be reconciled
There is no hope for that
Sunita cannot prove her innocence
Thinking carefully I've come to the   conclusion that confrontation is necessary
Tomorrow I'm sending him a notice
That is the only way
So he must be forced to come here
From this notice it's clear   your wealthy father-in-law   wants a divorce for his daughter
Putting the blame on you
What should I do ?
In my opinion we should fight -
- demand an answer to your question   right in the court
Or there is only one way
Apologize to your wife
Never. I haven't done anything   l'm fed up with all of this
I'll proceed with the matter
What happened ? 
Why didn't you have tea ?
Kamal's lawyer's notice has come
What is it ?
I just threatened him
The matter is going to the court
After receiving the summons
Sunita is absent   and has not sent anyone lt's clear that there is no answer   to Kamal's summons I can give such an answer
That Kamal and his lawyer will remember always
Then do something
What can I do ?
It's an insult to go to the court
I curse the day when Sunita chose Kamal
Sunita has not come to court lt proves that she has no answer   to the lawyer's evidence   the court accepts the statement   of the lawyer   and decides that a divorce should take place
It's a lie, a lie
For which sin is God   punishing me so cruelly
Now what is left for me in this world
God knows what would have happened   if I had not come I would have got my freedom
Forget whatever happened
How can I forget
My love, my lost life
How can I forget
I have examined Sunita very carefully
Her condition is very serious
What do you mean ?
If she cannot bear the shock she received -
- What do you mean ?
It's possible she'll become insane
We leave our daughter in your hands
You know we have only one child
Cure her in any way I'll do my very best I'll consult a specialist
The rest is in Gods hands
Save Sunita somehow
Can I see her ?
How are you daughter ?
Won't you talk with your mother ?
Do you know, mother
Love and death are alike
Now you've begun smoking
Why is your hand trembling ?
There are always ups and downs in life
But man should continue working
This is your employment report
Last month you did nothing lf this continues I'll try in the future
A complaint is of no use I just called you for that
Be patient and work carefully
You I thought today I'm caught
How did you come into my house ?
From Mohan's house I couldn't come from the front door
So I had to do so
Why do you go quietly   in the darkness like a thief
What is the use of keeping this from you I go to meet Mohan's wife
He who lit a fire in my house   his house is not safe
Think what you like
But you yourself lit the fire I know Sunita and Mohan
Their relationship is like brother and sister I'm telling you the truth
Think what you like
But you yourself lit the fire I know Sunita and Mohan
Their relationship is like brother and sister I never thought you will doubt me I'm ashamed of myself
Today you slapped my face I forgive you because you are my friend
Suspicion has made you lose your senses
What is the matter ?
Forgive me, Mohan I misjudged you I insulted friendship
A mistake between friends   is like a gift I know you are so big-hearted
That's why I came to you
Today I discovered what I lost
How did you remove the misunderstanding
Due to Suresh
There is no need to say anything further
Everyone has his misery
Some get it without asking like me
And some ask for it like you
Why are you here ?
I'm here to repent
To apologize for my mistake
To Sunita
I've been very unjust to her
You have come to late
Where is she ln her house
- with her husband
And she is very happy
But how can this be
You lost the right to ask this   the day you divorced her
My daughter's heart was broken
And she tried to commit suicide
It affected her mind
There was a possibility of insanity
Specialists saved her
But she needed a husband's love
It was fortunate for her   to find a good man for her   who knew everything and accepted her
Do you know what she said   when she heard of the second marriage ?
It's better to die
Her mother also was against it
But it was the question of a young daughter I don't want her to suffer -
- her whole life for your mistake
Such a cruel punishment
For my mistake lf instead of my daughter   it was your daughter or sister   what would you do ?
The same which you do ?
Now you have no claim to Sunita
You shouldn't even take her name
But it will be in my heart
But tell her of my desire to -
- beg her for forgiveness   will remain till my last breath
Hurry up. 
They must be coming
Where is Kanhaiyalal ?
He's lighting the candles 1 2 3 4 5
Fifth is burning correctly I'll put you on
Who are you ?
Should I tell you ?
How can this burn ? 
There is no oil
There is wine in it lt's not my fault
Both bottles are alike
Take him home
What is the matter ?
He's not in his senses
He's pouring wine instead of oil in the lamps
Now nothing can be done
You've come ? 
Where is sister-in-law ?
What happened ? 
Why are you silent ?
She's gone far away
She's gone forever leaving me
If you should see this advertisement   then come to me immediately
Someone is thinking of you, Mohan
What happened
Loafer...idiot
I'm not a thief
No ? 
I'll teach you a lesson
You dared enter my house to steal I'll teach you a lesson
What happened ?
What is the matter, Mr. Joshi ?
This thief entered my house lt's good that my wife saw him   or he would have stolen everything
His face is like an angel
But his work is of a thief
Hold him, I'll call the police
What are you looking at ?
Where had you gone ?
Do you know him, Mohan ?
He's my friend   whom I sought for a long time
He used to work in our factory   and lived in this house I made a mistake I forget everything but remembered now
I had advertised in all the newspapers   for you to come
You came at the right time
Tomorrow would have been too late
Do you trust your fate ?
I don't trust myself
I'm of no use to anyone
Why did you call me ?
To give you good news
Ekta is getting married on 7th February
My husband insisted I write to you
You will be surprised to know
When I left Kamal's house I was pregnant
- he would have doubted his own child
No one knows this except father and my husband
Today I have to tell you
Because Ekta wants her father's blessing   on the occasion of her marriage
So you must bring Kamal
Let him read this letter l hope he'll give Ekta his blessing
Yours, Sunita
Today is 7th February
That's why I said tomorrow would be too late
It would be better
There is little time, come with me
No, I promised her father I would never enter her life again
You must come to bless Ekta
Maybe my blessing   would be a curse on her
The man who gave an unknown child his name
I won't show him my face
You have been punished enough
You'll never get such a chance   for repentance
Don't let it go
So you have come
Sunita and Harish asked so many times
Sorry, I'm a little late
Come in, Excuse me I couldn't reach in time
Meet Ekta's Uncle
Congratulations Congratulations
Mohan, are you alone ?
I met Kamal. 
He is coming
That is very good
Now you come I've been waiting for you
At least be serious today   because you are a bride
And every bride must be shy
Those are all old customs
What present did you bring for me ?
I've brought you such a present   with which other presents are incomparable
Have you brought the moon and sun ?
They are nothing compared   to what I brought
What is it ?
You have no claim on Sunita
You shouldn't even take her name
Why did you come here ?
To show in front of the world   that Ekta is your daughter
So the man who gave her his name
Who fed her
Should be disgraced
Today is Ekta's marriage
Do you want to disgrace her in front   of everyone ?
You ruined Sunita's life
Now do you want to spoil her daughter's life ?
Go away from here
Bless her
May you live long
Always be happy
Congratulations Congratulations
My child. ls she alive
Mummy, this man saved me
I thought him someone else
But he saved my life
Touch his feet and take his blessing
He is your father
No. 
Don't touch my feet I'm not worthy to be your father I have no relationship with you
May you live long
May you always be happy
Hugging you I forget my miseries
My soul is at peace
Now I have just one desire
You came to repent   by blessing your daughter ls this your repentance ?
What the eyes see   is only a mirage

[ Man ] Look, it's falling down!
- [ All Screaming ] - [ Man ] Hurry!
Sorry to crash the party, but Cassandra's coming with me.
[ Cassandra Struggling ]
Party's over.
[ Woman ] Quickly! 
Quickly!
Come with me!
Hercules!
[ Woman ] Hurry!
[ Yelling ]
[ Gasps ]
Oh, no, I'm blind!
I swear from now on I'llsingin the shower instead.
[ Phone Ringing ] I'll--
Who is this, and why are you calling me at... 6:02 a.m.?
Rob. 
Rob, it's me, Eric.
Oh, thank goodness you're not dead.
What was your first clue?
Well, we heard you had an earthquake last night.
It was all over the news here.
Didn't you feel it?
Eric, I'm a producer.
I don't feel anything.
Glad to hear it, 'cause, Rob, apart from the fact that it's still raining,
I got some bad news.
[ Gibberish ]
What?
[ Grunting ]
[ Phone Ringing ]
This'd better be good.
[ Man On Phone, Indistinct ]
Oh, Rob, I was just thinking about you.
[ Rob On Phone Continues, Indistinct ]
No, my weekends wouldn't be complete... without a little taste of Tapert.
[ Rob On Phone, Indistinct ] What?
[ Man Chuckles ] [ Grunts ]
[ Yells ] Get me down! 
Get me down!
Where'd he go?
Shut up!
Howdy.
[ Gunshot ]
Hey, boys.
[ Grunts ] You can't use traps in paintball.
Paintball ain't just a game, soldier.
It's a metaphor for life.
It's survival of the fittest.
Search and destroy.
Kill or be killed.
These are a few of my favorite things.
[ Phone Rings ]
Able Baker Charlie Niner Niner.
Identify yourself, c'mon.
[ Woman On Phone, Indistinct ] Liz. 
You on a secure line?
[ Indistinct ] Uh-huh.
I'll be right there.
[ Elvis Presley ] dd Viva Las Vegas dd dd Viva Las Vegas dd dddd [ Continues ] [ Man ] Snake eyes.
Better luck next time.
[ Woman On P.A. ] Mr. Bond, your baccarat table is ready.
Mr. Bond, your baccarat table is ready.
Where's lady luck when I need her?
dddd [ Continues ]
[ Woman On P.A. ] Mr. De Niro?
Call for you, Mr. Coyle.
Oh, there you are.
Say, I've forgotten my phone number.
Can I use yours?
Drop dead, you geek!
dd It cost me my very last dime dddd
[ Woman On Phone, Indistinct ] Vinny, I told you please don't call me here.
I'll have the money for you by next week.
I'm sorry. 
I just can't get it together.
[ Yelling On Phone, Indistinct ]
Oh, Liz, hi.
How are ya?
[ Indistinct ] The office? 
Now?
Wait a minute.
I got a better idea.
Why don't you come over to my place?
I got a new water bed.
We could play submarine.
[ Dial Tone ] Hello?
For the last time, Jerry, nobody's bugging the office.
Thatis exactly what they want you to think.
You know who loses with these weekend meetings, people? 
Me.
But you called the meeting, Rob.
Don't change the subject.
All right, let's get started.
Wait a second.
Who's missing?
[ Intercom Beeps ] Melissa, is this thing working? 
Hello.
Rob, how nice to hear from you.
Coffee? 
Tea? 
Prozac?
[ Dial Tone ]
Where the hell are Alex and Bob?
I'll find out.
You know that's what I love about you, you're always-- [ Disconnects ] beha--
[ Intercom Beeps ]
[ Thud ] [ Groaning, Whimpering ]
Hello.
Rise and shine, losers.
Oh, Melissa, hello.
Everyone's waiting for you in the conference room.
Wha-
- They need our help?
Okay, okay.
We'll be right there.
Bob, wake up!
Wake up!
Now's the time to show our stuff.
[ Monkey Squawks ] [ Yells ]
[ Clears Throat ] Hi, everybody.
[ Whispers, Indistinct ]
Bob says "Hi" too.
[ Yawns ]
When are you two losers gonna get your own apartment?
Hey, this is our first job in Hollywood.
We want you all to know we're here for you 24 hours a day.
- Is that a good thing?
- Well, you know, I was just telling Bob that-- 
- Cut it out.
- Shut up, the both of you, and sit down.
Now, I have a fishing trip planned today. 
The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can leave.
Now then, we got a problem, people, and it's not pretty.
Our bread and butter, the big cheese, the top banana has vamoosed.
Oh, for cryin' out loud, people,
Kevin Sorbo has disappeared.
[ Man Narrating ] This is the story of a time long ago, a time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering.
Only one man dared to challenge their power--
Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen, a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera, the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil, wherever an innocent would suffer, there would be... 
Hercules.
- [ Screeching ] - [ Roaring ]
Hail!
[ Shuddering ] What do you mean Kevin Sorbo's gone missing?
No star, no show.
No show, no paycheck.
No paycheck, no kneecaps.
I got debts!
Well, he was supposed to arrive in New Zealand this morning, but he didn't show.
I propose we send a recon team, Tapert.
Back in Korea, we had a saying:
You never leave a man behind.
When were you in Korea?
I was there for the Olympics, missy!
It was hell.
Melissa, it's Rob.
I told you not to call me here.
Send Davey in here on the double.
You wanted me, boss?
[ Glass Breaks ]
Davey, I'm gonna give you one last chance to prove you're not a moron.
Gee, thanks.
I don't care if you have to go around the world, young fella,
I want you to find Sorbo and find him quick, you understand?
Melissa, book him on the Concorde, but make sure he flies coach.
- Davey, don't screw this up.
- Count on me, boss.
I won't let you down.
[ Grunts ]
He's a dope fiend.
I know it.
And what if he doesn't find him?
Then I'm gonna be hobbling all the way to the unemployment office.
Not necessarily.
[ Spits ]
When the going gets tough, the tough get goin'.
- [ Yells ] - [ All Gasp ]
Now, a good soldier always carries an extra pair of socks, a can opener, a cap of cyanide.
But a great soldier-- That's right.
A great soldier never gives in, no matter what the odds.
Is he insane, or am I crazy?
Which question would you like me to answer first?
I suggest we base this story around another character.
Like who?
Like Ares-- God o' War.
Why, I remember the time Ares framed Hercules for murdering his wife.
The plan was so simple.
It verged on genius.
[ Laughs ]
There he goes!
Gotta hand it to you, Strife.
This has worked out better than I could ever have imagined.
- It's been fun.
- [ Twang ]
[ Humming ] And when all else fails, the God of War is one lean, mean, fightin' machine.
[ Laughs ] Jerry, great idea.
All right, everybody.
Get to work.
I'm going fishing.
Hey, you are not actually going to listen to that psychopath, are you?
- No offense.
- None taken.
All right, Liz, spit it out.
The fish are jumpin'.
Well, why not do a show about a woman we can all look up to?
You know, a woman of the '90s.
A woman who takes matters into her own hands.
Oh, wake up, Liz.
We can't afford Margaret Thatcher.
No, I'm talking about...
Callisto.
[ Liz ] When it comes to making Hercules suffer, well, Ares isn't even a close second to Callisto.
And remember that time she poisoned Herc's family?
Surprise.
You've never witnessed the effects of Xanthalian venom before, have you?
- It affects the mind.
- What do you want?
Safe passage through the Labyrinths of the Gods to the Tree of Life.
One bite of the fruit cures any illness.
- And a whole one makes you immortal.
- [ Kiaiing ]
[ Liz ] And when it comes to trading blows,
Callisto does it with a smile.
Oh, you're gonna die on your birthday.
How convenient.
[ Laughing ]
No!
Blow it out and make a wish.
[ Kiaiing ]
Hey, great idea, Liz.
All right, get to work everybody.
I'm goin' fishin'.
Oh, hey, wait.
Uh, excuse me.
What? 
What?
Um, aren't Ares and Callisto both bad guys?
Brilliant. 
So?
[ Whispering, Indistinct ]
Okay, well, um, don't they need a good guy to fight with?
I mean, without Hercules, they won't have anything to do.
[ Chuckles ]
Dumb blonde!
Hey!
You know, I-I hate to admit it, but they got a point.
You know, I am really getting tired of people telling me what I can't do.
Can someone please tell me what Icando?
- [ Whispers, Indistinct ] 
- What now?
Uh, Bob has to go to the bathroom.
Oh, all right, all right.
Take a break.
And we have confirmed there are, in fact, six people trapped inside the apartment building.
Rescue teams are on the scene--
[ Coughing ]
Hey, Melissa, there's something I've always wanted to ask you.
Do you sleep on your stomach?
No.
Can I?
[ Scoffs ] Paul, I'm wasting my life in a dead-end job, while I watch the rest of the world pass me by.
Now why would I want to make things worse by dating you?
[ Blender Whirring ] I know you don't mean that, baby.
Hey, why don't you let me take you to Vegas?
I can teach you how to play roulette.
[ Whirring Stops ]
Make it Russian roulette, you got yourself a deal.
Paul. 
Get the hell away from Melissa.
[ Clicks Tongue, Whistling ]
Your shake. 
Enjoy.
Ah, no thanks.
You can have it.
I've changed my mind.
Get Eric on the phone, will ya? 
And fix me something I can chew.
And now with my new army of lava people,
Hercules will never...
screw with us again.
Cut! 
Cut! 
Come on!
Cut it, everybody!
Listen. 
I know this ain't Shakespeare, Patrick, but "screw with us"?
Come on.
Gimme a break, will ya?
Now who's on the script?
[ Chattering ]
[ Rob ] I'll take mine well done, Melissa.
[ Melissa ] It's sushi, Rob.
You eat it raw.
[ Line Ringing On Intercom ] Hello.
Ah, Eric.
Any word on Kevin?
No, no, nothing yet.
[ Liz On Phone ] Why are you whispering?
Well, I told the crew Kevin's running a little late.
If they find out he's missing, I could have a panic on my hands.
These people have families to support.
[ Rob On Phone ] Families, schmamlies.
Come on, Eric.
Aren't we all one big family anyway?
Well, look, just stall them as long as you can.
[ Stammering ]
- Ah-choo!
- Gesundheit.
You're welcome.
Eric, buddy, I don't want you to worry about a thing.
I got the greatest staff in the world working on this problem even as we speak.
[ Zipper Unzips ]
Mm-hmm. 
Mm-hmm.
dddd [ Whistling HerculesTheme Song ]
dddd [ All Whistling HerculesTheme Song ]
dddd [ All Humming HerculesTheme Song ]
dddd [ Humming Continues ] dddd [ Trumpet Sound ] dddd [ All Vocalizing HerculesTheme Song ]
dddd [ Vocalizing Continues ] [ Phone Ringing ]
Renaissance Pictures.
[ Woman On Phone, Indistinct ]
Oh! 
Oh, that's wonderful news!
[ All Flush ]
You tell him we're looking forward to seeing him soon.
Yeah. 
Bye-bye.
Oh, my God!
The head of the studio's on his way over here now!
The head of the studio's coming!
[ Beeps ]
[ Computerized Voice ] Red alert! 
Red alert!
[ Melissa ] Gloves!
The head of the studio is on his way.
Apron!
Estimated time of arrival-- one minute, 57 seconds.
Jacket! 
Rose petals!
- Right.
-One minute, 36 seconds.
-One minute, 35 seconds.
- Polish! 
Dust! 
Vacuum!
Pictures erect!
Sparkle! 
Shine!
He's gonna fire us all.
I'm a dead man.
I'm a dead man!
Bring him on, baby!
Shut up, the both of you!
Nobody's getting fired.
The studio doesn't know Kevin is missing, and it is going to stay that way.
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
[ Cash Register Bell Dings ]
Mr. Hollinsfoffer, it's always a pleasure to have you here, sir.
Say, you're a pretty good liar.
Are you an executive?
I'm Mr. Tapert's assistant.
Come see me in my office Monday morning.
We need more people like you in management.
Oh, B.S., how nice to see you again.
It hasn't been long enough.
What the hell is everybody doing here on a Sunday anyway, huh?
Say, is it Sunday?
We were so busy, we-we-we didn't even notice.
That's what I wanna hear!
Like I always say, weekends are for Communists.
- Look what happened to them.
-[ Golf Club Whooshes ]
[ Rob Grimaces ]
[ Laughs ]
[ All Laughing ]
[ Coughing ]
[ All Laughing ]
By the way, what's with the rubber pants?
Oh, well, they're the new rage, B.S.
All the kids are wearing rubbers these days.
Isn't that right, Liz?
Yeah, yeah.
And if they're not, well, they should be.
Make note to self:
Buy 12 pair of rubber pants.
Hmm. 
Thanks for the tip, Tap.
[ Laughs ] [ All Laughing ]
[ Coughing ]
Anytime, B.S. Say hello to the wives.
[ Golf Club Whooshes ] Why am I here?
Oh!
During the earthquake, a chandelier fell down, hit me on the head.
It was then that I had a vision.
A new direction for the show.
Hercules: 
The Musical!
Huh? 
LikeLa Cage Aux Folles only better, bigger, brighter.
- Goes something like this.
-[ Monitor Beeps ]
[ B.S. ] You start with your basic damsel in distress.
Stop wasting your time.
You need a partner to enter the contest.
No one's crazy enough to dance with you.
[ B.S. Narrating ] But guess who comes along!
I'll be your partner.
[ Man ] Where'd he come from?
[ B.S. ] All we need now is a dance teacher.
The kind of gal who can teach him how to shake a tail feather.
dd Honey, if you try dd d dd I know you'll reach the sky d dd Just learn to spread your wings and fly dddd
[ B.S. ] When it's time for them to strut their stuff, they set the dance floor on fire.
] dddd [ Rumba
dddd [ Continues ]
Get them off that dance floor now!
Come on!
[ Clacking Sound ]
Brilliant.
Real showstopper, B.S.
You said it.
Yeah, they'll love it in Cleveland.
If they knew what they liked in Cleveland, they wouldn't live there. [ Spits ]
[ Intercom Beeps ]
Yeah, what is it?
Rob, it's Davey.
I haven't been able to find Kevin yet, but, uh--
Yeah, don't worry.
I'm on to a new lead on where he might be, you know.
Oh, Davey.
How nice to hear from you.
Thanks for calling.
- Enjoy the rest of your vacation.
- Uh-uh, but, uh--
Say, what did he mean, "find Kevin"?
Oh, not "find Kevin." "Find... heaven."
He's on a religious quest.
- Isn't that right, Liz?
- You betcha.
Davey hasn't been the same since he saw George Burns's face on a tortilla.
[ Laughing ]
It's no use.
He knows.
It's true! 
It's true!
Kevin Sorbo's gone missing.
Oh, please, don't fire me!
Please! 
I throw myself on the mercy of the studio.
[ Yells, Groans ]
You lied to me.
I never said Kevinwasn'tmissing.
Oh! 
You never said hewasmissing.
You're fired!
You can't fire me.
I quit.
You can't quit.
I fired you!
Oh, come on, guys.
We're all friends here.
[ Groans ]
I'm blind. 
Mommy?
[ Groans ]
You, you, you, you, you... and you are all fired!
[ Liz ] Thanks, Paul.
[ Rob ] Well, it was fun while it lasted.
[ Liz ] MaybeSinbadis hiring.
Nice poker face, you sniveling coward.
Hey, wait a minute.
That's it-- poker face.
We bluff.
What are you talkin' about?
Our show may not have a star, but the audience doesn't need to know that.
Earth to Paul.
Once they turn on their TV set, they'll see-- no Hercules.
Yeah, but what if that is the story.
You know, like, maybe Hercules is caught up... in this-- this big... vortex.
Remember that vortex that led to a parallel world, where everything was backwards?
Ares, this is, uh, a new look for you.
What did you expect?
I am the God of Love.
It wouldn't kill you to let it all hang out.
Please, no.
It's not ladylike.
Aphrodite's shy. 
Wow.
[ Laughs ] Nowthatis funny.
What is this?
You promised me an execution.
I did, didn't I?
[ Gasps ]
[ Paul ] And Hercules had to fight his evil twin, the Sovereign.
Run, Iolaus!
[ Sovereign Growls ]
No!
[ Paul ] Well, why can't we stick Hercules in the vortex too?
So, while Hercules is trapped in the vortex, all the other characters have to run around and help each other... to-- to protect the world from the Sovereign.
You idiot!
Kevin Sorbo played the Sovereign.
[ Sobbing ]
[ Rob ] Where do you think you're going?
Hey, Hollinsfoffer just fired us, remember?
Good point.
I'm goin' fishing.
[ Snaps Fingers ]
-Nice working with ya.
-Right. 
See ya.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Back! 
Back! 
Back! 
Back! 
Back!
Nobody's going anywhere.
Somebody has to handle this.
- You're all rehired.
- [ All ] Whoo-hoo!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to call an emergency meeting with the board of directors.
And I expect this to be taken care of by the time I get back.
Hat!
I'm outta here!
Eric is on the line.
[ Overlapping Chattering ] Yes, Eric, go ahead.
Did Kevin show up yet?
I was gonna ask you the same thing.
I think the crew's getting suspicious.
They know something's up.
If they found out I lied to them, I'm dead! 
Dead!
Just keep your pants on.
But for God's sake, don't zip 'em up too fast.
It's a killer.
[ Gasping ] [ Woman ] Somebody's gotta lower that light.
I've got a little problem with one of the extras.
Okay, everybody, that's lunch!
[ Bell Rings ] Gotta go!
Well, fellas, I'm afraid we're gonna have to face the ugly truth.
It's time to find a new Hercules.
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
What's the matter, somebody's puppy die?
Ooh, tall, dark and handsome.
I miss ya, Jer.
A hard man's good to find these days.
Well, I told you, Beth, relationships are for the weak.
A week, a day.
I'll take an hour.
Truth is, I only need a couple of minutes.
How is Captain Happy, hmm?
- Have mercy.
- Look. 
Can we just get started already?
[ Beth ] All right. 
But don't get your hopes up.
It's not easy to find qualified applicants on such short notice.
Everyone, this is Johnny Pinko.
Say hi, cutie pie.
Shh. 
Save it.
Johnny here's my gardener.
He trims my hedges twice a week.
You should see the size of his weed whacker.
Okay, studly?
Sure, but I just got one question.
[ All ] What's my motivation?
Let me explain.
Hercules has just met up with his old flame, Nemesis.
And she's got quite a surprise for him.
And you saved his life.
And this would be Evander.
Yes, it would-- Evander-- our baby.
[ Evander Gurgling ] Shh!
Our baby?
[ Beth ] But Nemesis has a secret, and she's too ashamed to admit the truth.
He's my son.
You don't wanna try me.
[ Beth ] But it doesn't matter to Hercules, who promises he'll always look after Evander.
I'll be back to see you every chance I get.
And before you know it, I'll be teaching you how to wrestle.
And throw the discus.
You don't know it now, but one day... you'll realize you're different.
And you'll wanna be like everyone else.
But you never will be.
You're special.
You're very special.
I will always be there for you.
[ Evander Gurgling ] Always.
Sock it to us, Pinko.
And make it good.
One moment, please.
Mm-mm-mm.
Evander, I'll be back to see you every chance I get.
Before you know it, I'll be teaching you how to wrestle, how to-- how to throw the discus.
Huh? 
It won't be an easy life to live, but I'll be around to help.
You know?
I will be there.
[ Sobbing ]
Whoo, yes!
Oh, yes!
Oh.
[ Laughs ]
- Pretty good, huh?
- [ Groans ]
[ Sean Connery Imitation ] Evander, I'll be back to see you every chance I get.
[ Gurgling ]
d dd Hey, Evander I'll be back to see you every chance I get ddd d dd Before you know it I'll be teaching you how to wrestle and throw the discus d dd Well, it won't be an easy life to live dddd
Well, if we ever make a show calledRejects, we'll know where to look.
Beth, what are you doing to me?
I've seen better actors in a puppet show.
What do you expect?
You should have told me when you knew Sorbo was missing.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's not my fault, okay?
It's these damn writers.
I thought they'd have something for me by now.
C'mon, say that again.
Please.
You want a piece of me, tough guy?
You'll have to go through Liz.
Ten bucks on Liz, first round.
Come on!
Would you guys quit it?
I mean, come on!
Now, look.
We're all working on a hit show here.
And no matter what happens, nobody can take that away from us.
Except Kevin Sorbo.
Yeah. 
We have Davey on line one, and Eric on line two.
Yeah.
Yeah, go ahead, Davey.
Kevin Sorbo's not in Spain, man!
Davey, just slow down.
Take a breath.
I can't slow down.
My life depends on it, you know?
You see? 
Now that's the kind of commitment I look for in my employees.
Now, if you folks had been working as hard as Davey here, I'd be fishing now.
Davey, remind me to give you a raise.
- [ Bulls Bellowing ] - [ Yells ]
- Go ahead, Eric.
- Yeah, the crew found out!
Eric, calm down.
I can't understand you.
I tried to pretend I was Kevin, but for some reason it didn't work.
Oh, the horror!
Get off me!
I made you people!
Hey, you tell those idiots down there to behave, or they're all fired.
No! 
Oh, tell my wife I love her!
Tell my son what a great man I was!
[ Screams ]
[ Thud ] [ Dial Tone ]
We lost him.
We're next.
When the board finds out, they're gonna feed us to the mechanical shark in the amusement park.
[ Sobbing ]
Somebody's gotta stop this insanity!
Liz!
-[ Paul Grunts ] -[ Beth ] Too ugly.
Too blonde.
No. 
No.
No. 
No.
I brought smelling salts.
No, thanks, Melissa.
I'm trying to cut down.
Oh, hey, while you're here, take an inch or two off the top, will ya?
- I'm getting a little shaggy.
- Oh, can I?
Well, that would be the frosting on the cake of my day.
Officer, they said they were 18.
[ Clears Throat ] What happened?
Aftershock. 
You slipped and fell on my fist.
Oh.
[ Sighs ]
All right now, people, we're back to square one.
How do we have a Hercules episode without Hercules?
[ Mouthing Words ]
-[ Jerry ] Well, sir-- 
- What about young Hercules?
Go on.
Well, he was a teenager once, wasn't he?
I mean, when did he first meet Iolaus?
And what was the first monster he killed?
And how long has he been wearing those pants?
Hercules has always been a do-gooder, but remember that Iolaus was a thief.
Don't worry. 
I'll take it.
Mine! 
Mine!
Maybe they weren't always such good friends.
After all, boys will be boys.
And remember, balance is the key.
Ooh! 
Ooh!
Looks like Hercules is a little off-key.
Balance... is... key!
[ Melissa ] Maybe he was even a little too cocky for his own good.
Guess I beat Ares' security system.
[ Screeching ]
That is a big snake.
[ Melissa ] It would be just like The Wonder Years, but with giant snakes.
[ Popping Noise ] We're saved!
Melissa, you're a genius!
Excuse me. 
I'd hate to be a party pooper here, but we'd have to recast the entire show, and we haven't even found one decent actor today.
Well, Skipper's got a point too.
[ Clippers Buzzing ]
Oh, but it'll make a great spin-off.
Melissa, remind me to give you next Sunday off.
- [ Mouthing Words ] 
- Coming through.
The board of directors are animals.
They want blood.
If we don't come up with something by 5:00, the show is canceled.
What?
Hmm.
[ All Laughing ]
Oops.
[ Beth ] What? 
Bernie, speak English.
Are you telling me he'd rather do a hemorrhoids commercial?
Fine. 
Fine. 
Then I'm sure he'll enjoy sticking it where the sun don't shine!
Don Knotts won't do it.
Well, keep at it, Beth.
I don't wanna see your face around here... until you find me a new Hercules.
What are you gonna do?
It's almost 5:00.
[ Sighs ] Actors.
I wish we could do away with them altogether.
Say, that gives me an idea.
[ Rob ] What if we turned the show into a cartoon?
Why, we could have a bunch of 'toons doing all the things... that made this show the money-making machine that feeds us all.
I... never... quit!
Bah!
[ Hercules ] Now drop him!
[ Yelling ]
[ Laughs ] Cartoons. 
It's perfect.
They're never late, they don't complain, and they won't ask for raises.
Hello! 
Am I the only one in this room getting oxygen?
You still need Kevin's voice.
No Kevin, no cartoon.
- [ Mocking ] 
- Well, this is pointless.
We should surrender while we still got our dignity.
[ Sobbing ] We're ruined!
I gotta get outta town!
Quick!
Whoa! 
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Whoa!
Now, we have an idea.
Go on, tell 'em.
You're gonna love this.
[ Man Narrating ] This is the story of a time long ago, a time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering.
Only one animal dared to challenge their power--
Chimpules.
[ Chittering ]
Pretty great, huh?
- Let me get this straight.
- Yeah.
You guys sit there like vegetables for six months, and the first idea you come up with is Chimpules?
Well, we were saving it for the right time.
How the [ Bleep ] did they get these jobs?
- Liz hired them.
- I used to babysit for them in high school.
I didn't realize they'd turn out to be such idiots.
Okay, okay, look.
We didn't go to film school for nothing.
And we've been working on this idea, day and night.
And frankly, I think--
No, Iknowyou guys are jealous of our talent.
And you know what?
It's not fair.
It is not fair!
Not fair! 
N-
- Ow!
I've had it with you!
Die! 
Die!
Ow, my eye!
Get your finger outta my eye!
Excuse me.
The board of directors are on the line.
They'd like an answer.
[ Fighting Continues ]
Rob, I've been in this business 20 years.
And I think it's safe to say... this is the worst staff in the entire history of television.
I'm gonna gouge your eyes out!
[ Beeping ]
[ Computer Voice ] Smoke detector.
Please evacuate building in an orderly fashion.
This is not a drill.
That's it.
Little Jerry ain't foolin' around no more.
Oh. 
Melissa, get me a towel, will ya?
My hair is melting.
Use my diploma, you dummy.
It's not doing me any good!
Mr. Hollinsfoffer, I hope this doesn't reflect negatively... on my situation.
[ Yells ]
No!
Like that, huh?
Do ya?
Ooh!
Yeah, I like it!
[ Oxygen Hissing ]
Hi.
[ Jerry ] Die! 
Die! 
Die!
[ Crunch ] Goddamn!
Is this a bad time?
[ Cocks Gun ]
[ Ares ] Oh!
This is a great day, indeed.
You said it, Uncle.
Causing that earthquake was a stroke of genius.
I knew my brother couldn't put his show above innocent lives.
Mud slides, fires, earthquakes.
I'll bet he's had quite the busy day.
Oh! 
Nice.
And now... with these mortals about to, uh, kill each other,
[ Chuckles ] the show's as good as canceled.
Yes, pretty soon my brother's "legendary journeys"... will be but a distant memory, and I'll be able to watch Millenniumin peace.
I missCop Rock.
Oh, I'll sing something for you.
No. 
I do not believe this!
You can't have rescued everyone in the city by now.
It looks like you've underestimated me again, dear brother.
But then, what else is new?
- You are pathetic.
- Pathetic.
Pretending to be a mortal-- this-this Kevin Sorbo character?
And you know what Dad thinks about actors.
Wait, wait, wait.
Since when did you start caring about what Zeus thinks?
Besides, the, uh, world isn't ready for the truth.
This is not over, Hercules.
We'll meet again.
Hmm. 
Have your people call my people.
We'll do lunch.
[ Arguing Continues ]
- Kevin Sorbo.
-[ Liz ] Kevin!
- Am I interrupting anything?
-[ Paul ] Oh, we're saved!
Thank God!
[ Groaning ]
[ Liz ] We've been so worried.
[ Laughs ] Kevin, I-
- You're--
[ Sobbing ] Oh, Kevin!
Can you ever forgive us?
We thought we could do the show without you.
- Boy, were we wrong, huh?
- It's been a long day.
It's true.
There's only one Hercules.
You're telling me.
Uh, by the way, Kevin, where in the hell were you all day?
Oh, I, uh, I got stuck in traffic.
Hmm.
Hey, after all, I'm only human.
[ All Laughing ]
[ Rob ] Kevin, we wanna talk to you about--
[ Chattering ]
On the brighter side, after one of the most destructive earthquakes in recent memory, we're happy to report there have been zero casualties.
All thanks to a mystery man... who performed miraculous rescues throughout the Southland.
If you're watching, whoever you are, the City of Angels owes you a debt of gratitude.
Thank you and good night.

We are met to bid farewell to one who lived amongst us.
It has been said of the ape that his days are like grass.
Like a flower of the field, he flourishes ripening in fullness and is gone.
Rest forever, Lucian father of Fauna.
Why? 
Why? 
How could they do it?
Them animals, Fauna, just animals.
They don't know any better.
I hate them.
I hate them!
We will capture them, Fauna.
I make this promise to you on the grave of your father.
The humans will be captured and punished for what they have done.
A hundred humans for every ape.
They hide their killers.
They will lie for their killers.
The time has come, Perdix, for apes to unite, drive the humans out!
No!
This will be handled within the law.
And I am the law!
It's a nice, friendly community you have here, Jasko.
They're doing this all because one ape was killed.
The killing caused the kettle to boil over.
The apes here hate humans.
There's too many of us.
These dragoons, as you call them, surely they're illegal.
I mean, even ape law forbids such action against humans.
Perdix and Zon, well, they try but they can't be everywhere.
Come on, something, anything, jump on that hook.
Galen, why don't we teach you how to fish?
Oh, no. 
The only thing I like less than fish is the water they swim in.
Look!
Dragoons. 
Let's go!
Clear out, human!
This is my home!
Then watch it burn!
No, don't! 
No, don't!
Let that be a lesson to all humans!
Oh, boy!
Oh, it's so senseless!
Why? 
Why? 
Why?
I could make a guess.
We've seen this kind of thing before, another time, another place.
It almost makes me ashamed to be an ape.
Isn't there something we can do about it?
For openers, we can look for the killers.
This whole thing started when that ape girl's father was murdered.
Maybe she could help us.
I'll talk to her.
Who is it?
Who's there?
We are strangers but we wish you no harm.
You are apes?
I don't think there is any doubt that I am an ape, a chimpanzee. 
Why?
I'm sorry, but for a moment I was afraid you were humans.
Surely you're not afraid of humans.
They killed my father.
I'm sorry. 
But I didn't know that they killed apes.
They're savages, and I hate them!
I shall always hate them for what they did.
My name is Phoebus, and these are my friends Alar and Pargo.
I am Fauna.
- Where are you?
- We're right here.
Your voice sounds familiar, which one are you?
I'm Pargo.
I don't think you've ever met me.
I'm from a very distant place.
Yes, we've been traveling for a long way.
You must be tired and hungry, then.
Won't you come to my house and rest? 
I have food and drink.
- Do you live alone?
- With my Uncle Sestus.
He's gone to the village for supplies, but he will be back by nightfall.
Well, we don't have very much time to spare, but we are very hungry.
Good. 
Follow me, then.
I hope you will stay to see Uncle Sestus. 
You will like him.
You will be notified when we raid again.
See you, Sestus.
Please sit down and be comfortable.
May we help you with something?
Because I am blind?
No, don't be silly.
I manage quite well.
Being unable to see has really changed very little.
I know the farm and most of the area around for some distance so well that I don't really need my eyes.
Of course, there are some things I miss:
Setting of the sun colors of the flowers and reading.
Reading most of all.
My father collected books and though I read them all before I lost my sight he used to sit and read them to me over and over again.
Every night by the fire, my father would...
I'm sorry, Fauna.
Those humans?
Do you know who they were?
No one knows.
My uncle Sestus was going to meet my father and saw it.
But he was too far away to help.
How did it happen?
There were two of them.
They had come here asking for food, and my father gave it to them.
He tried to be friends with them.
Uncle Sestus warned him that humans were treacherous but he wouldn't listen.
Then later, down by the sea they attacked my father, and they killed him.
What about your uncle?
Did he get a description of them?
How tall they were, their hair, or what they were wearing?
No, it was dark.
He saw very little.
Besides, how can you tell one human from another?
When I could see, they all looked alike to me.
I have the same problem.
- Pargo. 
Pargo, where are you?
- Right here.
I'm sorry, Fauna.
I'm afraid I spilled the milk.
It's all right. 
I'll clean it up.
Pour yourself some more.
Uncle Sestus!
Fauna, I think there's something we better tell you.
- What? 
What is it?
- You said you miss reading most of all.
Well, we share the love of books with you.
It's gotten us into trouble with the Ministry of Knowledge.
Trouble? 
What kind of trouble?
There's some books we didn't know had been banned and the police found them in our house.
They were punishing you for reading?
Actually, it was the ideas in a book that people felt challenged their way of life.
But surely it can't be against the law to think?
Your uncle might not be as understanding as you are.
- So we better leave.
- We're gonna go.
I'm afraid Uncle Sestus doesn't quite feel the same as I do about books.
He and my father used to quarrel about them.
I have an idea.
A place where you can hide safely and rest. 
It's not far from here.
- I don't think that's a very...
- Please!
Please, let me do this for you.
It would give me so much pleasure.
They're still here.
I haven't needed these for a long time.
I used to come here with someone I grew up with someone I cared for very, very much.
It was our secret place where we could laugh and hide and shut out the grown-up world.
He left when I became blind.
- Pargo?
- I'm here, Fauna.
Your voice reminded me...
It sounded so much like his.
I wonder... 
May I touch your face?
It would help to know what you look like.
It's just as I thought.
A strong, handsome face.
You'll be safe here.
I'll come back in the morning with food after Uncle Sestus leaves for the village.
Will you stay? 
Please.
I'll stay.
And thank you, Fauna.
Man, that was close.
I didn't like doing that.
I don't think it's right to deceive her.
Yeah.
And we still came up empty.
She has no idea who the killers are.
Except they were humans.
If only we could find them.
Yes, I know, Galen.
I feel sorry about her father.
We have to stop the dragoons.
And solve a local murder mystery.
Hey, the dragoons are local killers, right?
- They're homegrown.
- Right.
The two humans who killed Fauna's father could be homegrown too.
You can bet that some ape's gonna find them and gun them down.
It's open season on humans.
And who's gonna stop the apes?
Okay, so we zero in on the dragoons.
Try to get to the leader. 
If we get him, the whole thing could fall apart.
That doesn't make any sense at all.
If you do find a member, do you expect him to be the leader?
No, Galen.
Somebody joins the dragoons infiltrates and gets the scoop on everybody?
And who is this somebody that gets the scoop on every...?
Me.
Stop!
Oh, stop!
Please. 
Stop! 
Please!
What is it? 
What's the matter?
I've been attacked by two humans.
They stole my horse.
What sort of a district is this?
Have you no law?
I understand your anger, but don't shout at me.
I'm sorry.
I didn't steal your horse.
I am sorry, but you see I came here to find a farm and to settle down.
Well, this is a good district, although we do have problems with humans.
We are solving those problems.
I'm sure.
Please, is there a village near here where I can report this to the police?
Climb up. 
I'll take you there.
Thank you.
That's wonderful.
You know, I never knew there was so much ham in an ape.
Pete!
Dragoon?
Who knows? 
Maybe.
We could follow him, maybe learn something.
Wait! 
No we, me.
Fauna's expecting you back at the cave.
We don't want her to get suspicious.
A few weeks past, my brother was murdered by humans.
Really? 
Well, I certainly hope those humans were dealt with.
Haven't been caught yet.
I sometimes wonder if they ever will.
You and I have that in common.
A similar thing happened where I lived.
We knew how to deal with those...
Sorry, I was pledged to secrecy.
You don't think that I'd ever say anything to hurt an ape or help a human?
Well, really, a group of us apes got together and we ran those humans off and burned their houses and we even killed a few.
Did you really?
We certainly did.
I can tell you, we haven't had any trouble with humans since then.
Good. 
Very sound.
You know, Phoebus I think you will enjoy meeting some special friends of mine.
Hello, Fauna.
Pargo?
Yeah.
Alar is not here? 
I brought food.
No, no. 
He and Phoebus went off to get some water.
I am glad. 
I enjoy talking with you.
Yeah, well...
Yeah, me too.
Pargo?
Yeah?
Could you tell me about the books you've read?
Could you tell me some of the stories?
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah, well, there was this one I always used to like.
It was a story about this...
About an ape who was stranded on this island in the middle of this tremendous ocean.
Now, his name was Robinson Crusoe.
A toast to our dragoon to be, Phoebus!
To Phoebus!
To all apes!
To all apes!
To all dragoons!
To all dragoons!
Congratulations, Phoebus.
You are soon to be one of us.
You don't know how pleased that makes me.
At the meeting tonight, you'll get our leader's final approval.
And then I will be a full-fledged dragoon.
A brother to all of us.
Afterwards, you will ride with us while we raid on the humans!
Easy, boy. 
Easy, boy.
Easy, boy. 
Easy.
Hey, Alan!
Pete!
How'd you do?
Our friend led me to the dragoons' meeting place about a mile from here.
Nice. 
Now, if Galen clicks, we're in business.
- Look at this.
- What is it?
A journal written by Fauna's father.
She never knew what was in it.
So she asks me to read it to her.
I stop when I get to the part that he's meeting with humans in secret.
Humans that he liked.
They were buddies.
- They liked him too.
- Yeah.
He knows the apes are afraid of humans and hate humans.
But he's meeting them in secret to teach them and share his knowledge.
It doesn't make sense. 
No human is gonna harm the only ape who's trying to help them.
I wonder if Sestus could be mistaken.
What if her father wasn't killed by humans?
Yeah, mistaken or lying?
Come on.
My niece, Fauna, will see to you.
Tell her that you'll be staying with us, and I'll be back shortly.
- Fauna. 
That's a pretty name.
- She's a gentle girl. 
She's blind.
And, Phoebus, she knows nothing of my activities.
I'd like it kept that way.
Of course, of course.
When I return, I'll bring a horse for you. 
You'll be needing it.
- Hello.
- Phoebus?
Yes. 
Here, let me help you.
Did you get your water?
Water?
Yes, Pargo said you and Alar went to get some.
Water, yes.
I think that's finished.
There.
You were with Pargo?
At the cave.
He told me a story about an ape named Robinson Crusoe.
He has a way with females.
I think I love him.
Isn't that kind of sudden?
I know he reminds me of someone else, but it isn't just that.
There's a warmth in his voice.
A gentleness all his own that makes me feel more alive than I've felt in a long time.
Fauna you must be careful.
You can't trust a love that comes so quickly.
Is time any guarantee that a love will be binding?
Phoebus, I know it's asking a lot for him to love someone who is blind but do you think it's possible?
- Do you want an honest answer?
- Of course.
No, I do not think that it is possible.
I can do anything that a female with sight can do.
Except to recognize the truth.
He is not an ape that you can trust.
I don't believe you.
You're the one not to be trusted!
You're supposed to be his friend yet you speak of him as an enemy.
- He is my friend but I know him.
And I'm...
I'm very concerned about you.
I don't want to hear any more from you.
Leave me alone.
Go away.
Galen, any luck?
You were right.
Sestus not only knows about the dragoons, he is one of them.
Now, what do you know about that?
I've won their confidence.
I am being brought up for membership at a special meeting later today.
Hey, good work, Galen.
Yeah, well, we know you could pull it off.
We all have a great deal to be proud of.
Isn't that right, Pete?
I can't take any credit.
I haven't done anything.
Oh, but you have.
- You have indeed.
- What's eating you anyway?
I'll tell you what's eating me. 
I think you should stay away from Fauna.
I'm sorry, Galen. 
I don't understand.
She is in love with you!
- What do you mean, she's in love...?
- She told me.
She asked me if I thought you could be in love with her.
Well, that's ridiculous.
Ridiculous? 
It's tragic!
Can you imagine what it'll do to her when she finds out you are human?
Wait! 
You're the one who made her think I was an ape.
I didn't think you'd get involved with her.
- I'm not involved!
- Come on, knock it off, both of you!
What happened, happened.
Nobody planned it.
Galen, I don't wanna hurt her any more than you do.
I'm not going to. 
I'll go talk to her.
Pete.
What?
Be gentle with her.
Yeah.
Hi, Fauna.
Yeah, it's me, Pargo.
You shouldn't be here.
Yeah, well, I had to talk to you.
Did Phoebus tell you what I said to him?
Look, Fauna...
It's all right.
It's all right if you don't care for me.
I understand.
It's too soon. 
Perhaps in time, you will and then...
Look, I think you're very lovely and gentle.
There are things about me that you don't know.
- Now you sound like Phoebus.
- You should've listened to him.
You tell me.
You tell me what is so wrong about you that it surpasses what is wrong with me.
Wait a minute.
This reminds me of a story my mother used to tell me when I was very young.
Tell me.
This is a story about an old, blind man named Isaac and his two sons, Jacob and Esau.
Esau was a hunter.
He was strong and hairy, and his father idolized him.
Old Isaac was very sick and on his deathbed, he gave Esau his blessing which was a big thing in those days.
Now the other son, Jacob, had very soft, smooth skin.
And he wanted his father's blessing as well so he pretended to be his brother Esau by covering his hand with a piece of goatskin.
And Isaac was fooled into thinking that he was touching Esau.
And he gave Jacob the same blessing.
I'm not sure that I understand the meaning of your story.
It was a deception, Fauna born out of desperate need, but not meant to harm anyone.
But you couldn't deceive anyone, Pargo.
I have touched your face.
It is strong like Esau's.
If it was soft and smooth like Jacob's I should fear and despise you.
Fauna, you must understand that there is nothing between us and there can never be.
My friends and I are going to leave here today and you'll never s...
And you will never hear my voice again.
No.
Goodbye, Fauna.
Hold it! 
Hold it! 
No yelling.
Take it easy, Perdix. 
We just want to talk to you. 
We need your help.
Our friend's going to a dragoons meeting.
- We'll take you there to get them.
- Our friend's gonna be in big trouble so we're not asking you, Perdix.
We're telling you.
I'm not Perdix.
Are you looking for me?
As leader of the high council, I now call the dragoons to order.
If there are no objections we will not list the grievances voiced by the humans on our last raid.
It seems these humans are now dead.
I understand we have a new prospect who wishes to join our ranks.
Will he please stand?
- Your name?
- Phoebus.
Who vouches for Phoebus?
I, Sestus!
Sestus, good.
Are you, Phoebus, familiar with the goals of the dragoons?
Oh, yes!
To drive all humans from our land.
- And the humans who refuse?
- Death to them!
Death to them all!
It appears Sestus has brought us a worthy prospect.
Let us take a vote!
Aye!
Welcome, Phoebus, brother dragoon now and forever.
Our next raid!
Our next raid will be on the human shepherd, Rico.
We meet tomorrow at midday. 
Agreed?
Agreed!
And, Phoebus you, you will have the honor of killing him.
Thank you very much.
Until tomorrow!
No, wait!
Excuse me, I just...
I'm really not very used to this yet.
Is it over?
- Of course.
- So soon?
We have no further business to conduct.
I have something to say.
You know, those two humans who stole my horse and attacked me.
- I saw them.
- Where?
Actually, it was quite near here.
Near my farm? 
I don't believe it!
They were passing through.
In fact, I'm sure they were heading for the beach.
Why don't we go down there and find them?
At night?
I hardly think they're gonna wait until morning.
It's impossible to search the caves and the cliffs in the dark.
At first light, we meet on the beach at Sandy Point. 
Agreed?
Agreed!
Don't worry. 
We'll get them.
I promise you.
And you can kill them instead of Rico if you wish.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Is anything wrong, Phoebus?
Oh, no, nothing could be better. 
Nothing.
Come, I'll take you back to the farm.
Do you mind if I stayed here for a while? 
I mean, it's such a very very special night.
It's such a very special place for me.
I would like to enjoy it alone for a while.
Of course, of course.
I've listened to everything that you have to say and it is clear to me you are lying.
- Come on, Perdix!
How can you be sure if you don't check our story?
You could not know about the dragoons' meeting place.
Even I have not been able to learn that.
Why would we come here to lie?
It's too easy to disprove.
I will put you back in your cells and go to this meeting place that you speak of.
If the dragoons are there, you will be released.
They're not there now, Perdix.
They were last night.
First they're there, then they are not there.
I will decide whether to execute you at once or advise Urko before shooting you!
Oh, well, that's a great pair of options.
Back to your cells.
Move!
Here, take his gun! 
Just get back!
You, against the wall, carefully.
Who are you?
I am wearing this mask so you won't find out. 
Now, why would I tell you?
I'll find out! 
I'll track you down if it takes 10 years.
I hope you find something better to do for the next 10 years.
You can start by capturing the dragoons.
But you are a dragoon!
It's a long story.
My horse is out back. 
The dragoons will be at Sandy Point.
- Got it.
- Take him, and we'll meet you there.
Perdix, we're going for a little ride.
Outside, nice and easy.
Where have you been?
I remember that our plan called for you to bring Perdix to the meeting.
He changed our minds.
Wait. 
Wait. 
Wait.
Now, you said you wanted the dragoons.
Let's see if you're more interested in them than you are in killing me.
Come on. 
Come on!
There's no one in there!
More caves further back on the beach.
All of you, throw down your weapons.
- Throw them down!
- No!
Don't be a fool, Zon.
You're the fool, Perdix.
A fool not to side with us.
All right, turn your back.
Let us kill humans!
We have 10 weapons to your one!
Are you willing to die to save humans?
Are you willing to die to kill me, Zon?
We've gone too far, Zon.
Shut up, Sestus. 
We set out to do something, and we'll finish it.
I will shut up as far as humans are concerned, but not apes!
I'll kill anyone, human or ape, who tries to stop us!
Fauna. 
Fauna, it's all right now.
It's all right.
Pargo? 
Pargo, is that you?
Yes, Fauna.
No, you're not Pargo.
You're human.
It was a deception born of desperate need, Fauna, not meant to harm.
Get away!
Get away from me.
Fauna, Fauna! 
Fauna.
This is your uncle. 
It's Sestus.
Nothing to be afraid of.
But he's human! 
He's human!
He's not going to hurt you.
Get him... 
Get him away.
Get him away!
He tricked me. 
He tricked me like the others tricked my father!
They're treacherous!
They're like animals, and they must be treated like animals.
Fauna, now listen to me!
This human saved your life.
He risked his own life to save you!
No, I hate him! 
A human killed my father! 
He killed him!
Fauna, it's Alar. 
Listen to me, please. 
Listen.
I don't know if a human did kill your father.
But if it happened, that doesn't mean that all humans are bad just like all apes aren't good.
This Alar speaks the truth.
It was not a human that caused your father's death.
- Shut up, Sestus!
- What are you saying, Sestus?
I hated and feared humans, as you do now.
But your father was different.
He didn't fear the humans.
He trusted them.
That night, I was with Zon.
No, Sestus!
We warned your father, but he was stubborn.
Zon became angry.
There was a fight.
Zon hit him. 
He fell and hit his head on a rock.
Zon said we were both responsible for his death.
Fauna, I couldn't bring myself to tell you the truth.
Sestus is a coward.
What difference does it make who killed Lucian?
The humans are still our enemies.
We must drive them from our lands!
Kill them.
Kill the humans!
Well, listen to me.
Listen to me! 
Kill them!
Kill them! 
Do you hear me?
Listen to me.
Kill them! 
Kill them!
Give me your pistol, Zon.
Let's go.
You're welcome to stay on at the farm.
Thank you, Sestus, but we gotta be moving on.
Fauna...
Look, I...
Fauna, I'm sorry. 
I hope you forgive me for deceiving you.
I just don't understand how I...
How I could have thought I loved a human.
Goodbye.
Subtitles by SDI Media Group
[ENGLISH]

Forever?
"Forever" is a word for children.
The tallest candle burns to an end.
Even the stones which form our temple walls built to last 1 000 years will grind down under the attrition of time.
A thousand years.
Yet, even in the time I have been master of monks here at Honan there have been occasions when it seemed like the end would come far sooner.
Strike block.
Ready strike.
Strike.
Strike.
Strike.
Take heart, Shaolin!
-Strike.
-Tamo, the brave wild one is here.
Cross-stance, strike.
Hammer fist, strike.
You are Shaolin?
Yes, we are Shaolin.
I am Tamo of Cold Mountain.
I am Caine.
You see I've broken your door?
Yes. I see.
-You did you not hear me knocking?
-l heard.
You did not come?
My attention was focused on my master.
You speak of Chen Ming Kan?
-No.
-l speak of Master Hake Tao.
He is no master here as long as Chen Ming Kan lives.
-He lives.
-Then take me to him.
I have business with him.
Master Kan has no time for itinerant beggars.
And I have no time for idiots.
Move out of my path, boy.
Kwai Chang, move out of the way.
I will teach this beggar a lesson.
Your tread must be light and sure as though you path were upon rice paper.
It is said a Shaolin priest can walk through walls.
Looked for, he cannot be seen.
Listened for, he cannot be heard.
Touched, he cannot be felt.
This rice paper is the test.
Fragile as the wings of the dragon fly, clinging as the cocoon of the silk worm.
When you can walk its length and leave no trace you will have learned.
-Yes?
-There is a man in the courtyard, master.
He says his name is Tamo.
Tamo.
I know of this man.
What is he like?
Like no one I have ever seen before.
What does he want?
He wants you.
He asked for me by name?
Yes, master.
A challenge?
I do not believe so.
Though Master Hake Tao was of that opinion and fought him in your stead.
How badly was Hake Tao injured?
He is defeated.
Tamo of Cold Mountain?
His reputation precedes him.
Braggart, bully, boaster badly in need of a lesson in manners.
Tamo?
Bag of wind.
-Are you there?
-Who is this fat old man?
Can he not see?
My name is Po.
I am a master here at Honan and I can see you well enough now that you speak.
I have no wish to fight a blind man.
Keep talking.
Your mouth gives me eyes.
Do you wish to fight me?
If you would be so kind as to strike the first blow.
-l will not.
-But you are the challenger.
You are the offender.
So be it.
Enough!
-Who speaks?
-Chen Ming Kan speaks.
I have a thing to tell you, Chen Ming Kan if you will agree to hear me.
I will hear you.
Leave us.
Your young master mistook me.
I challenge no one.
I come as a messenger from the Fukien Shaolin and what's left of them.
What should be left of them?
-You have heard nothing?
-Nothing.
Then there is much to tell.
Please, come in.
What I have to tell is for all the monks.
That is for me to judge.
Our visitor is Tamo, the hermit.
He lives alone on Cold Mountain in the high range of Chiu Lien.
He has come to us with news of our brother monks at the Shaolin monastery in Fukien.
I ask you to hear him.
Shaolin of Honan Province earlier this year, Mongol hordes met and defeated the best of the Imperial Dragon Guards.
Upon hearing this, your Fukien brothers joined the battle and put the Mongols to rout without suffering a single casualty.
The emperor was grateful but his advisors were fearful of the power of the Fukien Shaolin.
Lies were invented, and liars were paid to tell them.
In due course a warlord was sent to destroy the Fukien temple.
And with the aid of a traitor and the big cannon of the warlord the temple was destroyed.
Only five Shaolin survived and escaped.
Three of them were old men seriously injured.
The other two were young and unharmed.
Di Sum Si, the master monk?
He is dead.
Where are the survivors?
They are at my cave on Cold Mountain.
How does this happen?
One of the survivors is a student of mine led the others to my cave for sanctuary.
Who is this warlord that has destroyed a Shaolin temple with a cannon?
His name is Sing Lu Chan.
Does he know where the survivors are hiding?
No, he does not.
But he keeps searching for them.
And what do you seek here?
I seek nothing but your answer.
The five seek sanctuary here.
What will the warlord do if we provide refuge?
If he knows the survivors are here he will attack, but of course, that changes nothing.
Because you are all Shaolin, are you not?
Anyone else wish to speak?
Then we must decide.
Whatever we decide will be decided by vote.
Shall we, no matter how great the danger give sanctuary to our Fukien brothers?
Those who so desire.
It remains only to determine who shall go to the rescue and who shall remain.
May I offer a suggestion?
Certainly.
It should be a small force, not more than six.
With your permission, reverend master, I will go.
You have your six.
Tamo does me honor.
I do honor to myself.
It would take six ordinary mortals to knock Tamo down.
Of course, I am 77 years old and past my prime.
Master Po sympathizes, I am sure.
He is 83.
For the return journey I will need someone else to be my eyes.
Yes. 
For your companion, Kwai Chang Caine.
Then it is decided, Tamo.
We, the Shaolin of Honan owe you great thanks.
Don't thank me, Shaolin.
The chances are excellent that, through my coming you will all have a violent death before the month is out.
It is Tamo.
We will keep out of sight.
Follow him to where the others are hiding.
Are we passing through a village, grasshopper?
No, master. 
There is no village.
I feel eyes upon us.
There is no one.
There are troops of Warlord Sing Lu Chan in the bluff behind us.
They know me. 
Don't look.
They will want to follow us to the mountain?
They will try.
We will discourage them.
The master and the disciple followed Tamo the man of Cold Mountain, up into his mountain.
It was as Tamo had said.
Troops of the warlord were lying in wait hoping to be led to Tamo's lair.
But the wily Tamo conceived a plan.
He asked the master and the disciple to lend him their outer garments.
And when the warlord's men found the three peacefully at their meditation he ordered them destroyed.
The soldiers advanced ready to cut the defenseless monks to pieces but all they found were hats and coats and bales of straw in between.
Master and disciple were safely up the mountain.
What is it, grasshopper?
Two graves.
Two graves that were not here when I left the mountain.
My cave is over there.
I will go first.
Our brother, Pei Fu, died last night.
We are about to bury him with the others.
We saw the graves outside.
Who are the dead?
Master Yung.
-Sifu Yee -l knew them.
May they find peace.
This is Master Po and Kwai Chang Caine of the Honan Shaolin.
I am Kang Li.
of the Fukien Shaolin.
This is Nan Chi.
We are honored.
It is true, then, all the rest are killed?
It is true.
We alone survive.
And we are told, this was done by the warlord called Sing Lu Chan?
Yes.
We must not delay.
Soldiers tried to follow us here.
We will bury Pei Fu.
Then we will go.
You are returning with us, Tamo?
To the bottom of the mountain.
Until you are clear of the soldiers.
As they buried their dead and went to the bottom of the mountain what they could not have known was that the warlord's Captain Shun Low would be waiting, ready to destroy them.
It is Shun Low, Warlord Sing's first officer.
An evil man.
-ls there another way down?
-No.
Can we conceal ourselves?
We can try.
Back.
Back.
-Kwai Chang Caine?
-Yes.
How many Shaolin are there in the Honan Temple?
More than 200.
There are over 1 000 men under the warlord's command.
Even now, after the battle at Fukien?
He used to have 1 800 men.
A high price to pay for his anger towards me.
Why is he so angry towards you?
Because I defied him when he made ready to attack the monks.
Because I escaped from his house and went to Fukien to warn the monks.
You escaped from his house?
What is the warlord to you?
Nothing.
It is what I am to him.
What do you mean?
He wishes me to be his wife.
You are a girl.
How else could I be a wife?
You thought I was a man.
Caine! 
Nan Chi! 
We must hurry.
The way you are dressed.
You noticed only the way I was dressed?
Not my manner, my gait?
You've been at the temple too long.
One cannot see clearly in this thin air.
You could not have been at the temple long.
Less than a week.
Then you are not kung fu.
Not of the temple, no.
But in the internal ways of Tamo, I've been training five years.
Your parents permitted this?
They did not know of it.
After the death of my parents, I was left in the care of servants.
Why do you not stay with Tamo?
I intrude upon his solitude.
And I do not wish to be a hermit.
You wish to be Shaolin?
I wish to be free of the warlord.
I might want to be a wife.
But not to this man.
What if I did wish to be Shaolin?
The training requires great strength.
I was not speaking of the training.
Of what then?
Of being accepted to your temple.
To my temple?
A girl?
Caine! 
Nan Chi! 
Take cover!
They are upon us!
Seize them.
Fall back. 
Fall back.
Keep them in sight!
We regroup and come back with more men.
They're on the run!
-Master Po.
-Yes.
They will attack again with more men and try to surround us.
Well, is there a way to prevent them?
Here, where the trail ends between these two rocks we can prevent them.
Caine.
Take Nan Chi and Kang Li back to the Shaolin Temple.
I must stay with Master Po.
Go along, grasshopper.
Tamo's plan is best.
I will return with Master Po when all this is finished.
-But we cannot run away.
-We will not.
You will do as you are told!
We cannot run ahead of Shun Low's horse all the way to the temple.
Certainly not Master Po nor I.
We are too old and too fat and much too dignified for running.
We will fight here.
That will give you time to get ahead.
-But, Tamo-- 
-One more word and I will knock you down.
Go!
Come.
We should not leave them.
We have no choice.
We can conceal ourselves until we are out of Tamo's sight.
Then when Shun Low comes, we can come back and fight.
-We cannot do that.
-Why not?
We are Shaolin.
-They are going?
-They are gone.
It is well. 
For the soldiers are upon us.
-What is that?
-Behind you, my friend. 
On top of the rock.
Tamo! 
Surrender, or I will kill your friend!
I surrender!
Bind him!
You must find a larger rock.
The warlord will be pleased.
Please.
If I survived a massacre, surely I can cross a stream.
I am sorry, Kang Li.
I'd be pleased to receive assistance from a Fukien Shaolin.
And a Honan Shaolin.
Meanwhile, the warlord took to the field in force.
For he was determined to spare nothing in his efforts to recover the woman he felt was his.
My fourth wife, the only woman I ever loved she died of adultery.
She got in the way when I shot her lover.
Nan Chi looks so much like her.
And she will be a Shaolin nun if we don't find her.
I don't understand how everything could turn out so badly.
Sir.
I have captured the mad hermit, Tamo.
This is excellent, captain.
Another medal shall be awarded to you for a fine piece of fieldwork.
Quickly, pour a cup of wine for the captain.
Now then, where is Nan Chi?
Despite aggressive pursuit, she escaped with a large force of religious outlaws.
Moron.
lncompetent.
Where is this wild man, Tamo?
Sir, the patrol is bringing him in with another.
What other?
An old woman, perhaps?
No, an old man.
A blind one.
Wonderful.
Who is he?
He will not give his name.
Who will not give his name?
There is no such thing as "will not"  if you have tortured him properly.
I did torture him with exquisite care.
I dragged him here behind my horse.
Yet, he will not speak.
Probably Shaolin.
He will not say.
He does not have to say.
Bring him here before I kick you.
I send him for my woman, and he drags back a blind monk.
The blind dragging the blind.
Well we'll persuade this blind monk to tell us where Nan Chi has gone.
Here is your refuge.
You need only present yourselves and you will be welcomed with love.
-Where are you going?
-To Master Po.
I will go with you.
Your master has said he will knock you down.
He would.
Go to the temple with Kang Li.
Kwai Chang.
Do not die.
Master Kan! 
Master Kan!
What have we here?
I am Kang Li once of the Fukien temple.
You are not alone.
No.
This is Nan Chi.
You are welcome here.
I am Chen Ming Kan.
Where is Master Po?
He stayed behind with Tamo to fight the soldiers.
And Kwai Chang Caine?
Just now started back to his master.
Very well.
Come with me.
Master Kan.
You must send a force after Kwai Chang Caine.
And the others?
Of course.
Whatever has happened has already happened.
We will wait to hear the outcome.
If Master Po and Tamo have been killed or taken prisoner we will know of it soon.
Then we may only wait, master?
Yes.
Kang Li, you are Shaolin and welcome.
Nan Chi, you are welcome to join the community.
Whether or not you will be admitted to training as a monk will depend entirely on how you conduct yourself.
I might wish to become Shaolin but I would not be acceptable as a monk.
Perhaps you should let me be the judge of that.
Yes, master.
But I think you should know that I am a girl.
I know something of the nature of this Tamo.
He has a record of half a century of assorted tortures by the army and the navy.
And he has never revealed anything.
But then, he's a maniac.
A man who lives with wild animals in a cave.
It's the fat one that doesn't make sense.
I don't understand the nature of this priest.
He allows his body to suffer such abuse just to hide one girl from me.
It would give me great pleasure to shoot them both.
But for now, we need them.
Perhaps if I described additional torture to the fat one.
Don't you know that the minds of these priests are even more stubborn than their bodies?
If you cannot even bend the part of one how do you expect to break the other?
The Warlord Sing knew the value of his two prisoners.
All his precautions were as nothing against a daring and skillful young Shaolin monk determined to save his master.
Po.
I hear you.
Why has he not killed us both?
He will, Tamo, he will.
That is monstrous.
To die?
To die is nothing.
To give him the opportunity of killing us both.
That is monstrous.
My death will not give him nearly so much satisfaction as it will me.
Does not being able to see make you weary of life?
No.
It is being able to hear.
What do you want?
General Sing wishes these prisoners to be executed.
-So?
-You are to release them into my custody.
Your custody? 
These two?
They will hand you your head.
Then you may accompany me.
Who are you, anyway?
I have never seen you before.
-Grasshopper?
-Yes, master.
-Are the soldiers in the woods around us?
-Yes, master.
-We are surrounded?
-Yes, master.
Are the horses still attached?
-Yes.
-Good.
Then we will take the cart.
Excellent. 
Excellent.
We are skilled, we Shaolin, in the arts of silent and invisible action but we know too when it is time to abandon these skills.
And so the young Shaolin monk, wise in the ways of our order took his prisoners and walked them boldly through the heart of the enemy camp under the very nose of the captain of the warlord's forces himself.
Master Kan, I beg a word with you about what you said last night.
That I might be admitted here as a Shaolin.
I have given serious thought to the training knowing very well it would depend on my conduct here as you have said.
You are female.
Yes, master.
Why did you not make this clear to me last night before I spoke?
Forgive me, master.
But it did not seem so important a thing...
It is a very important thing to me.
And to me.
There is no place for you here, my child.
You mean you will not even consider me?
That is exactly what I mean.
You cannot refuse me.
I am the master of monks here.
You are master of Shaolin here.
I am Shaolin.
I have been accepted as Shaolin.
You have accepted me, made me welcome and I have accepted this as a place of sanctuary.
You cannot now deny me this place simply because I am a girl.
You are also of mixed blood.
And what of Kwai Chang Caine?
We made a single exception in that case.
Make another.
We have neither the inclination nor the facilities to accommodate nuns at this temple.
Then that is a deficiency you now have an opportunity to remedy.
I do not regard it as an opportunity and I certainly do not regard you as a remedy.
Every Shaolin has the right to demand and receive a trial of the merit of his cause by combat.
-Do you deny this?
-l do not, but--
Then I challenge you, Master Kan, to such a trial.
Nan Chi I acknowledge your right to a trial of this issue by combat and I submit my judgment to such a trial for either confirmation or reversal.
I plead, however infirmity of years and for this combat I beg to exercise my privilege of appointing a champion to fight you in my place.
I appoint as my champion when he returns Kwai Chang Caine.
You think he will return, then.
I have every confidence in that young man.
Captain, one of our men was found in a thicket.
Give him 30 strokes.
But, captain, he is naked.
Good, the punishment can begin now.
Sir, he is unconscious.
Where are the prisoners?
The prisoners?
Sir, I was told the cart was taken away.
What? 
Who took it away? 
Where?
One of our men was seen driving it.
That's what I was told, sir.
One unconscious soldier in the thicket, naked and another driving a cart.
Where's your mind?
The cart is in the hands of a priest!
-Get ready to follow.
-Yes, sir.
Master Po, did they hurt you?
How can they hurt me, grasshopper?
Only this poor body.
With the warlord's forces almost upon them and Master Po grievously injured the circumstances called for desperate measures.
But the man from Cold Mountain had lived his life by heroic, larger-than-life actions and was willing to die by one too.
Faster!
Faster, you fool.
He has driven off the cliff.
He did not even try to stop.
He gave his life for us, deliberately.
They must be dead.
They couldn't have survived that.
I thought I would never see you again, my friend.
I am safe. 
Tamo is lost.
-Dead?
-lt is because of him that we are safe.
Help Master Po to my quarters.
You must have a tale to tell.
Kwai Chang.
-We must fight.
-Why?
If I am to have the choice of remaining at the temple, I must defeat you.
You cannot fight me.
Why not?
Because you are a girl, and I am--
An offensive idiot.
-We must fight at once.
-l cannot fight you.
-Are you afraid of me?
-No.
Then prepare yourself.
This is ridiculous.
Master Kan! 
Master Kan!
The enemy is here!
At the gates! 
Sound the alarm!
The enemy is here! 
Sound the alarm!
Master Kan! 
Master Kan!
Greetings, Chen Ming Kan.
I am Sing Lu Chan.
Give me my woman, or I'll be forced to take her from you.
I've sent for my cannon.
You may have heard what it did to the temple at Fukien.
From one half mile, it is capable of scattering all of you into many directions.
When it arrives, I will position it to, perhaps right over there.
Give me my woman.
Give me Nan Chi!
I cannot.
She is a guest here.
She has asked for sanctuary.
It has been granted to her.
Take a little time, Chen Ming Kan, and think this over.
If you do not give me my woman I will rearrange your temple so that you'll never again be able to grant sanctuary to anybody!
You will have no temple.
No walls, no roof, no chambers.
Nothing!
Only your solitude.
Everlasting solitude!
The master, the disciple, the man from Cold Mountain all had been through much to bring the survivors of the Fukien Temple to safety here at Honan.
But the warlord had traced them here.
And the hardships, the terrors, the dangers they had gone through were as nothing to what we would all have to face.
As the warlord labored to make good his threat to turn the Honan temple into a pile of rubble.

You see, Kwai Chang, how it is light and delicate for grace and for speed, like a floating wind.
-lt is as you described it, Huo.
-And it is also strong. lt will not falter.
I congratulate you, weapon maker.
None other could have fulfilled the task so well.
And you, gracious apprentice to the Shaolin weapons master I compliment you on such precision in your design.
-Tell me about the metal.
-A fusion of many to make one with a strength that can never give way. 
Unless....
Unless?
The man who wields it himself gives way?
-Are you speaking of me?
-Any man can be broken.
How?
By a strength outside greater than himself or a weakness inside which he cannot understand.
I challenge you all to a fighting match!
A purse of silver for anyone who can stand against me.
Over there, a lady, my sister see how she disapproves.
Where are the men among you?
I accept you, all six of you at once.
Shaolins!
I have been waiting for you.
I have a message for your master, Chen Ming Kan.
Tell him I will be at his temple gates within the week to challenge him to a ritual combat to the death.
Your tread must be light and sure as though your path were upon rice paper.
It is said a Shaolin priest can walk through walls.
Looked for, he cannot be seen.
Listened for, he cannot be heard.
Touched, he cannot be felt.
This rice paper is the test.
Fragile as the wings of the dragonfly, clinging as the cocoon of the silkworm.
When you can walk its length and leave no trace you will have learned.
Did you not think it strange, our meeting with the champion?
I think he fought those who can easily be defeated.
He knew we were Shaolins.
As did the weapon maker and perhaps all of the village.
You do not fear for Master Kan?
I wish I had his strength.
You feel you do not?
Do you ever crave that which you may not have?
I am a man. I have desires.
Many?
-Can you speak plainly?
-At the weapon maker's you said there is a weakness within a man which he cannot interpret.
When a man feels there is something inside of him that cannot easily be explained.
It does not need to be weakness.
In the hut, we spoke of weapons and men...
-...and giving way.
-l know.
Perhaps we should talk about it at another time.
You have performed with great skill, Kwai Chang.
It is the skill of Huo that has made me so lucky in the contest.
Disciple Huo has designed a weapon that is unlike any I have seen.
It seems to win almost without need of one to wield it.
I knew Huo was your finest apprentice.
Yet, I did not know he possessed such special skills.
Tell me of your design.
With your permission, Master Kan.
It was Kwai Chang who first used it and proved its value.
The weapon maker told me it will not give way.
Because of the many metals in it, it has a oneness of power.
Yet, it is light, easy to wield as a bamboo staff because of its lightness in weight and the grace of its design.
-lt will not give way.
-Chen Ming Kan, I'm returned!
You have promised me an answer!
I must hear it.
I have a message for Chen Ming Kan!
-ls this the man you spoke of?
-Yes, master.
I do not know his voice.
He is a stranger to you.
-Yet, you expected him.
-Yes.
Why?
Forgive me, master, I have no answer only a feeling.
Why do you keep me waiting?
Come.
Let us speak with this loud voice.
Must I tear down this gate?
Shaolin, do you hear me?
Why do you treat this man as an animal?
I have a message for Chen Ming Kan.
I am Chen Ming Kan.
Yes, I see that you are. I am Yi Lien.
I challenge you, venerable, to ritual combat to the death.
I cannot honor your challenge.
You must tell me why.
You are before the gates of a Shaolin temple.
And there are no reasons for which your ears are worthy.
I ask that you reconsider.
This land abounds with worthless flesh who suffer in waiting for the next world.
For each day you refuse to meet my challenge I will relieve one of them of their waiting.
I will return at the end of this day.
This thing that is less than a dog you, Chen Ming Kan will be the reason for its life or its death.
We have never acceded to threats before.
If we yield now to this outrageous demand we place ourselves at the whim of every passerby who wishes to test his strength at our expense.
This matter must surely be for civil authorities.
How can it be our responsibility to deal with such a madman?
Who is this man?
We know nothing more than his name.
Would it not demean us to send even our lowest disciple to stand against his challenge?
May I be permitted?
Please.
What I have heard here is truth of a kind.
The circumstances, the challenge, are abhorrent to our very natures.
We neither know this arrogant, cruel man who stands before our gate nor where he comes from, nor who has trained him.
But it does not matter. lt is of no concern who sends this challenger.
If he himself is not a demon, then he is controlled by one.
His actions, to take human lives to get what he desires is proof enough of that.
We have no choice here.
We must meet his challenge.
Each of you has communicated generously.
I am grateful for your counsel.
The challenge will be accepted.
-You cannot mean you'd fight him yourself?
-No.
Ho Feng, whom do you judge among your students to be most proficient in all skills?
-l will make a decision quickly.
-Please.
You have something more to say, my friend.
It is you who should speak.
is it I who brings this challenger to our gate?
Reach into the past.
My mind, my heart, are open.
I see nothing to link me to this man.
What do you feel?
Help me, old friend.
The one at the gate you call a man he is less than a man and more than a man.
Fingers of power, like evil tentacles, reach behind him and before him.
Those before him reach out for you.
If it is written then it will be so.
The path that will free me of the evil is unclear.
Master I have seen something which I can no longer hold back.
-Tell me.
-There is a palace as lavish as the estate of the Mandarin.
There is a man in a red silk robe.
Disciple Huo and I, when we were in the village I felt the challenger expected us.
There was no natural way he could know we would come.
It was then, after the defeat of the six men in the street that I first saw.
We will speak of this again.
Meanwhile, a disciple must be chosen to meet this challenger who has these powers.
Do you not wonder who it will be?
I will know when it is time.
-Do you fear that you might be chosen.
-No.
Someone else?
Disciple Huo.
He is troubled and suffers greatly.
Huo is the weapon master's apprentice, as able as any.
I believe he may be unable to harm another and feels that a weakness.
Then perhaps it is time for him to learn the truth.
Master, look, the challenger.
Hear me.
I am returned. 
Chen Ming Kan!
You have promised me an answer.
Chen Ming Kan, the day is nearly over, and I must have an answer.
I here restate my challenge.
Ritual combat with you, venerable, to the death.
We ask that you reconsider...
-...that this contest not be to the death.
-l reconsider nothing.
Under the circumstances you have set up...
-...we must accept the challenge.
-lt is well.
You cannot expect to meet with a master until you have first faced a student.
I want the master.
Then you will first face the student.
Bring him to me.
Disciple Huo, step forward.
You bring me the child I first saw in the village.
It is like a morsel before the main meal.
I thank you.
-When do we begin?
-Tomorrow is the day.
-Why not today?
-There are no fights to the death here.
Since you have insisted and threatened us with the death of many we have been forced to arrange for it.
It will take a new day to prepare.
I do not wish to die, my brother.
I now believe it is this fear of death which is the weakness within me.
None of us wish to die, Huo.
Honor at the risk of death is not a part of the Shaolin tradition.
This weakness you fear is not real.
Trust in the masters.
They have reason for choosing you.
Trust them.
They are wise.
-Who are you?
-Please, I have come for help.
-How can I help you?
-This challenger, Yi Lien he is my brother.
-Are you warmed?
-Yes, ancient father.
Disciple Caine tells me you are related to the man at the gates.
I am Lady Mei Wu, his sister.
He is the son, and I am the daughter of Duke Ch'ao.
I have been following him for weeks so that I might convince him to come home.
-And he will not?
-No.
How may we help you?
I beg that you spare his life.
Yi was the one who issued the challenge.
It is he who insists on combat to the death.
I know that this cannot be my brother's true wish.
He is gentle.
He has always placed great value on life.
It seems he values it no more.
He has been changed by an evil one.
-Who is this evil one?
-l do not know his name.
I have only seen him once through the gates of his palace when I followed my brother there.
Tell me of this palace.
It is very grand, isolated, hidden away with flags flying from its turrets, like the banner that my brother carries.
Where is this palace?
It is not far from here, perhaps half a day's ride.
Master, I know this place from my vision.
I can take you there, in the light.
Start now.
But it is dark now.
In a matter of hours, it will be light.
Do you wish your brother's life to be spared.
It has been my only thought.
Start now.
Master, how much time is there?
No one can say for certain.
Perhaps time has already run out.
-ls everything ready?
-Yes.
Has the right choice been made?
Disciple Huo is skilled beyond any in the use of the lance.
And with his newly designed weapon, he will be even stronger.
But will it be enough?
Enough of this preparation.
We are, all of us, tired of this waiting.
Where is everyone?
-Where are the priests?
-They are about their tasks.
Then you do me no honor here.
There will be no audience.
This is not a village street.
Here, two will fight for mastery, not acclaim.
It is past the appointed hour.
I am ready.
Let the contest begin.
If you wish to stop, I will go on alone.
No. 
You will not be able to find the palace and I will not rest until I know that my brother is safe.
-You will think me foolish.
-Why?
I envy your brother for having such a sister.
-And yet-- 
-And yet?
If I were your brother I could not-- 
-Could not?
-Forgive me, I may not say it.
-Yet I might like to hear it.
-Perhaps in a different time at a different place.
-Your name?
-l am Kwai Chang Caine.
Disciple of the Shaolin Order.
We have looked toward each other before.
-You know who I am?
-Not your name not who you are but I know you are the force behind Yi Lien.
I am the force.
Know, too, that I am the force which will be behind the death of your Master Kan and the destruction of your Shaolin temple.
You convene the Circle of Seven without any knowledge or permission of Master Kan.
-lt is necessary.
-Why?
Because the temple itself is in grave danger.
From the challenger who fights outside?
He is the instrument of that danger.
Even if he defeats disciple Huo which I admit, at this moment, to be likely surely, any of us could end the danger.
You see the flower but not the root.
Where is this root I cannot see?
In another place, from another time.
It is a root that dips deeply into a poisoned well and even now, the poison threatens not only ourselves but everything that we hold sacred.
Why cannot Master Kan be told?
Because he himself is so deeply enmeshed within that root he will be the first to feel the poison.
Let yourself feel the evil aura that reaches out for us.
In the courtyard below, two champions contest.
But the real battle is taking place even now at a place which may be protected even beyond our reach.
It will take all our strengths, and perhaps that will not avail.
I send my champion to Chen Ming Kan.
He sends me his.
-Where is the Lady Mei?
-The Lady Mei?
She is here.
Then find her.
It is enough that I have found you.
You found me?
Through the black horse.
Which brought you to me.
After first trying to destroy me.
You think I could not destroy you where you stand?
Then why do you not?
You are an ant that crosses my path.
Where does your path lead?
To one bigger than you.
-Master Kan.
-He.
Why do you seek to destroy him?
Years before your birth I fought in combat with a monk like you.
My master.
My enemy.
Why?
He interfered in an affair that was not his own.
He does not speak of it.
He will not speak of it.
Perhaps because, to him, it is of no consequence.
-You dare-- 
-To speak the truth?
Yes.
What do you seek to gain, young monk, by this conversation?
My name is Kwai Chang Caine.
What does it matter?
You have remembered the name "Chen Ming Kan."
Now you will remember mine.
Effrontery from a child.
Listen, child, and I will tell you what will happen.
I control the champion who is even now on the verge of defeating your friend.
I give him more-than-human strength and power.
Yi Lien! 
Do you live by no code?
I will adhere to your rules.
But it will only prolong the time before the disciple is finished and the time of your death.
This more-than-human strength will destroy his human body.
Then he will die.
But not before he defeats your champion.
And when it appears your champion is about to die another will die in his place.
Your noble Master Kan.
Master, I cannot win this match.
In saying so have you not already lost?
This man seems to be driven by a force I do not know.
He has a strength I have never seen.
There is more to this combat than physical strength.
It has been said that the lance can never give way but that a man can be broken.
-How?
-By a strength outside which is greater than himself by a weakness inside him which he cannot interpret.
Do you forget that your spirit is stronger than the flesh?
It can defeat the power of another, no matter how great.
There is no failure, no defeat no weakness within you only that which you allow to settle in your own mind.
Draw upon the strength of your spirit.
With the death of its master, your temple will deteriorate.
Master will turn against master disciple against disciple.
And at the end there will be nothing but ruins.
I can stop it.
How?
With this.
Use it. 
But which one is me?
Try again, young monk, but be careful for you may hit the wrong target.
Even as you hesitate my champion does his work in your temple courtyard.
Poor little monk.
You must choose quickly for in another few moments, it will all be over.
Forgive me, master for bringing violence to so holy a place.
It is over.
How can this be?
His power is broken.
Things are seen as they are.
I will be forever grateful for what you have taught me.
It was a truth, disciple Huo one among many.
What you believed to be inner weakness existed in your mind alone and in no other place.
You performed with great skill when it had to be done working with others to prevent destruction here.
Masters I do not understand all that has happened.
No one knows all.
We were challenged by a festering anger.
The challenge was accepted.
And in the end the seeds of hatred destroyed themselves as they always do as they always will.
Battles are waged on the earth and in the heavens within the mind and within the soul.
This battle has been won.
See?
It did not give way.
And the man who wields it he did not give way.

Move over!
So long, Buddy!
Get out of my way.
Want to overtake me!
This will teach you!
Is that you?
I'll kill you!
...
Come on, pull out. 
Come on!
Come on baby! 
Come on.
Get out of my way!
Oh yeah?
Number three Big Ben right behind the Kid.
I am coming through!
The race is finished by the numbers one and three!
Kid still has the belt on!
Ben gets out and goes all the way!
Kid goes through the windshield.
Kid recovers and are at par!
They are tied! 
They are tied!
Hey... beautiful thing.
The kid... he is still inside?
Yeah.
What's up?
I'm being precautious.
You what?
I just don't want you to take the buggy before we decide whos it is.
Hey I dreamt the same thing about you.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I dreamt that you took the key out of the ignition went over to your strongbox, ...put it in closed it all in the locker.
Right?
Do you wanna play high card?
Aces high.
Whoever wins gets the buggy.
Listen.. you are not driving my tail.
Do you think I'm a cheat?
You are damn straight.
Hmmm, I'll arm wrestle you for it.
- That because you afraid I'm too strong, huh?
- Yeah.. you're damn staright.
There is no need to hate each other.
It is very easy...
I get the keys to the buggy...
When you feel like to steal it, you come to me.
Hm thats fair.
- Who wants to hang around here?
- Who wants you to hang around here?
Do not fight, muchachos!
I have a marvellous idea.
It would be marvellous.., ...but I can't remember it.
Hey you guys. 
Can I have a try?
Make way for the big man.
How about a beer and hot dog contest?
How is that?
You drink a beer, eat a hot dog.
Whoever quits first pays the bill lose the buggy.
Okay. 
Where?
Over there Looks like a qiuet, cozy place.
- Hey who's the girl?
- How should I know?
You live next door to the park and you don't know?
If you forefeit, then I win...
A vanilla sundae, a be havy on the whipped cream!
Good for indigestion.
Try it sometime.
Stop that.
Clear! 
Get back!
The park is closed...
I mean closed!
Next one to move...
You knew they were going to throw that?
No. 
Just that the cigars bother me.
Nice quiet place, huh?
Well it is on weekends.
Hey. 
You are right behind.
Do you think we outta clear out of here?
Okay.
But then I win.
Get out or I'll smash it.
No. 
No, Don't smash it.
Do you give up?
You know the story of the tortoise up against the hare?
Lets continue some place else, huh?
- You know what a tortoise is?
- It is a turtle.
No it's like a bullfrog.
Well... we will pay the bill later
I do not want to hurt the establishment.
After all, the food is not THAT bad.
Yeah, but the service is a bit shabby.
- Where do you wanna go?
- You 're the driver.
Columbia beer parlor?
No. 
The hot dogs are too small.
- How about the the bar San Diego?
- Beer is too hot.
Where?
Los Caracolles.
It's a nice place.
You took the words right out of my mouth.
Get out or I'll smash ye!
I beg your pardon?
I said, get out!
What for?
If you don' come out I got to splat the car.
But why do you have to splat the whole car?
Because I gotta...
What did he say?
He said he gotta..
Now.. does that sound like a reasonable answer?
Sorry for your car.
Sorry about YOUR car.
When I say pull off a good job...
I mean pull off a good job.
Right, Boss!
I mean no bangling, right?
Alright, Boss!
Get out. 
All of you!
Well Doctor? 
Do you approve?
This is a waste of time.
I told you over and over again... being evil is a virtue
but you must use it properly.
You know very well that I am bad number, Doctor.
Really quite bad!
I'm so bad that I even give myself the creepy boo's.
You have a long way to go.
You're afraid of being truly evil.
Thanks to you Doctor, I have been quite naughty.
I am very sorry, Senor.
Next time.. watch where you put your feet, you oapf!
These infantile pranks gives you false delusions of power.
You must be more truly wicked, if you want REAL delusions of power.
It was an accident! 
Accident...
Here you witnessed the law of the jungle.
When you trip off the waiter, because as you are the boss, everything is honky dory.
But when I trip off the waiter because I'm not the boss I get stipa dini.
I should hope so.
After all, Doctor I AM the king around here.
The king around here? 
The king of what, The king of this..chicken coop?
King of a few measly protection rackets,
That's small potatoes!
With my professional guidance, to the deep recesses of your psyke .
You can really hit the big potatoes.
Do you know why I told you to knock down the beer house?
So be it. 
To frighten the boobs ...into paying the protection money...
Now...
You will listen to my plan.
You must frighten the people, into leaving the amusement park.
And on this site.
Build a appartmnent house.
Appartment house...!
A skyscraper.
The biggest in the world.
Oh bully bully..
And that will be all mine!
Yours and mine too.
- Yours too?
- I'll get the take the penthouse, huh.
Relax, what's eating you?
You're honking up your fee, aren't you Doctor?
Hardly!
You know that I deserve it.
With my psychology you will have more lick in yout feet.
You are King of the Castle...
and you are filthy rich.
And I am 10% filthy rich.
I do not understand, It never happened before.
It was destiny.
One thing I can't stand is a bully.
A bully!
How about a pain in the neck.
The guys who wrecked our buggy were bullies .
You don't say...
- You know what?
- No, I couldn't care less.
Do you know what? 
I'll tell you.
Since the buggy is gone, why do not you take your truck, and roll out of here?
Okay, I going.
I am going straight to the bullies..
And ask them for a brand new buggy.
A brand new buggy!
I am going.
- What are you waiting for?
- For you.
You're not studying, the chorus are not taking to you.
You sound like a bullfrog.
Why aren't you coming?
Too much trouble... trouble job job.
But... 
If I get the buggy back, it's all mine.
Get the buggy from them.. fat chance.
It is all mine?
- I have to study my part.
- Then it is all mine.
- Hey but you do not know who wrecked the auto.
- I know, I know.
Real mean guy.
Very... very mean.
- May I have the pleasure?
- The pleasure is all yours.
Boss!
Those two guys from this morning were trying to get in, but...
I kicked them out...
Relax, we will be right back for the next dance.
- Get rid of them!
- Relax.
Don't bother.
We're leaving anyway, after a word with you.
- We wanna have three words with you.
- Four.
- Why four?
- We want our buggy.
Yeah, thats four words:
We want our buggy!
Buggy? 
What buggy?
The car you wrecked us?
Now.. you shouldn't have done that, sir.
We were very attached to it.
Do you realize who you are talking to?
He means well, it'is just that he is allergic...
Tell him.
I don't think you know who I am.
You're the guy who wrecked our buggy.
Your are gonna buy us a new one.
Right, Boss! 
Sorry!
This here is our name and address.
We want it just like it was.
A brand new dune buggy.
You may have the courtesy to to deliver it at home.
You got until noon tomorrow.
Otherwise?
- Otherwise we get mad.
- Heh, we'll get mad.
Oh by the way do not forget...
Not just any dune buggy.
It gotta be red with a yellow tarp.
Your're not thinking off giving in to them?
You got the psychology all mixed up.
Listen to the wisdom of this Professor Freud!
These two here are just kids they are undergrown men they think you're their father figure.
You are the father they want their little toy back.
They want their little dune buggy.
And is daddy going to give them back their little dune buggy?
You must be the strong father.
You slap tkhem, you slap them, you slap them good,
Then you will have two nice obedient children.
Attila, get them!
Did you have to wave to him?
I was only being polite.
Boy she was realy dirty, wasn't she?
Yeah, I don't have time to clean it.
I don't think they got the point that we want our buggy back.
So we have to set them straight.
It think he got the point this time.
Hey.. 
I said I think he got the point this time.
- What do you think?
- I doubt it.
- What do you think of a drink?
- Oh yeah.
Your change.
Try your strength, senor.
- I don't get nothing?
- You didn't make it go around.
Choose your prize senor.
That's a lot of muscle, I wont be easy to get your point at last.
That guy got muscle.
Try your strength!
A prize for each round.
- Want to try, senor?
- Yeah.
Six! 
I got no more prizes!
- I say he got the point.
- I say he didn't.
When I say he got he got it.
You got it?
So why are we tailing him?
I'm not tailing him, I'm following you, you idiot.
Incidentally, what am I following you for?
Two guesses...
I've got it.
After you. 
The running surfaces have 6 grooves to keep dead on track.
Then they're 21/2 meters long, much longer and heavier than ordinary skis.
Wax is then ironed on.
Early on March 14th, Walter Steiner leaves Wildhaus.
This is the house he lives in.
Steiner is well-prepared for the only ski-flying this year.
There are only 4 to 5 ramps in the world big enough to warrant talking of ski-flying and not ski-jumping.
We have now arrived at the giant ramp in Planica.
Today is March 15th, first day of training.
However, the organizing committee has decided this training may count for the competition, if conditions on any competition day are bad.
The weather counts for a lot here, of course.
It has begun snowing, but there's very little wind.
We've got two super high-speed cameras on the job.
They take slow-motion pictures that slow the action down 10 or 20 times.
Looking at the starting list we have here, it's surprising that there are no Soviet jumpers, nor any from Japan.
Of the East German jumpers, usually top favorites in these events,
Aschenbach and Kampf are absent.
But world-record holder Wosipivo is here, and I think we might possibly see a new world record during training even or a new ramp record, since they've set the start fairly high up, and it's not known how the farthest will jump.
Walter Steiner was nervous before his first practice jump because he heard on the loudspeakers that mediocre jumpers before him were managing fairly long jumps.
He decided on caution jumping at half-strength.
Steiner's first practice jump, 1/20 speed.
Steiner sails past all the marks.
He lands in the run-out section.
Confusion in the stadium, because they can't announce the distance immediately.
It must be a new ramp record!
You jumped further than the critical point.
I soon realized I was going too far, but I didn't jump all out, and-
Congratulations!
Up there, I felt like giving up.
But I realized if I let things go,
I'd fly farther and come down with a bump.
You see, that's where they're measuring.
The distance signs won't go that far.
169 meters!
That's a record for this ramp, and it equals the Oberstdorf world record flight, though this ramp in Planica is smaller.
It was going too far from the start I realized at once.
But, still, I'm glad I stayed on my feet.
I didn't think I'd make it.
Do you think tomorrow will see even longer distances?
No, I hope they'll be more careful now.
Is this really too far for this ramp?
Yes, it's too far.
Otherwise they'd have distance markers if it wasn't too far.
But they're bound to shorten the run now.
Yes, that's for sure.
I sensed it.
When an American- they're not bad jumpers- but still, if they get up to 140 meters or even farther, to 150 meters, that's enough for this ramp.
And then let me come down!
But I thought last year on the small one, it was getting too far and said so.
Then I jumped badly and almost felt a fool.
This year, I thought, "Give it a try!"
I worked, thank goodness!
Before the second day's practice, the jury shortened the run one section so as not to endanger the jumpers.
Yet still, Steiner was afraid he'd sail down onto the flat even with the shorter run.
We couldn't really see what happened.
He seems to have had a bad fall, and I heard the loudspeaker saying he'd jumped 179 meters.
I'll try and find out what happened.
There was a moment's total confusion because Steiner wasn't visible from the run-off tower where I was standing.
All we could assume up the tower was that this was the end of our film on the second day's practice already.
I thought, "That's it!"
Is he injured, or could he still walk?
We couldn't see properly from up here.
He hurt his side a bit, but it isn't bad.
But he's not sure whether he'll go on jumping.
I don't think it's too bad.
He isn't even concussed.
Up here, the run is being shortened again.
These pictures were taken just after the fall by one of our cameras.
Steiner was taken to hospital badly shocked.
Later, he told us the fall had made him lose his memory for a moment.
His distance, 8 meters above the world record, but not counted because of the fall, was told to him 5 times, but he kept asking about it.
He also tore his starting number off and later didn't know why.
Will you be jumping?
I'm all right, but they won't believe it.
You've now exceeded all expectations.
Will you still jump?
I'll have to see If you have any trouble with that eye later on.
You'd better come back for some ointment, but not now.
Are you jumping?
I don't know.
I have to think.
Got to think things over.
My mind's not too clear.
Steiner didn't want to show it, but it was quite noticeable he wasn't yet too steady on his feet.
After all, his head had struck the ground at 140 kilometers per hour.
We'll be showing the 177-meter flight in slow motion.
The sound you hear was recorded a minute later on the spot in a cabin that was too dark for filming.
I tell them something, and they laugh at me and say I brood too much.
They say there's no need.
Things would be okay if they listened to one man, and that's me.
I have a right to talk that way.
But as soon as I open my mouth, they say I brood and talk rot.
So I have to prove it, but proving it isn't so funny, not funny at all.
Yes, I proved it in Oberstdorf.
But they didn't even believe it there.
They keep saying I brood too much, meaning I have to break my skull before they believe me.
It would be too good to be true!
Well, we'll see.
Maybe they'll listen this time.
But probably they won't listen till I give up ski-flying.
We didn't find Steiner till 20 minutes later.
He'd gone off alone to the woods.
This was his great moment of crisis.
He later said people expected too much of him trying to force him into a new world record or see him bleed.
He said, "I feel I'm in the arena with 50,000 people waiting to see me crash."
Nevertheless, he ascended the run-off tower a third time, but he didn't know whether he would really jump.
The question was whether he would ever be able to jump again.
Steiner did a third jump after all.
166 meters, again beyond the critical point, again breaking the old ramp record.
Why did you jump so soon after your fall?
Is it psychologically important?
Yes, if I hadn't jumped again, I believe I'd have been pretty afraid,
I mean, felt too much respect for ski-jumping.
As soon as I had a good jump just afterwards,
I knew things were okay.
That was what saved me.
Today is Saturday, March 16, 1974.
It's the first day of official competition in Planica, and they'll be starting in about an hour.
As I see, there's a problem.
It froze over last night, and today the run-down must be extremely fast.
Even yesterday they started right down, and the run can't be shortened any more.
The worries about Steiner started all over again.
Thank God, the sun soon came out and softened and slowed down the track.
Improvised field kitchens filled the valley with smells of onions, garlic, and cevapcici.
50,000 spectators turned up, and it all looked a bit like a great pilgrimage.
People had seen Steiner's astounding flights on TV the day before.
Steiner, Switzerland, will voluntarily start a section further down so as not to throw the whole series out of gear.
Walter Steiner, as far as I know, did something never before attempted.
He started one section lower down than the other competitors.
He'd certainly have crushed the competition because his incredible superiority would have caused such a shortened run that nobody would have done over 130 meters.
If the others did 140, he'd do 170 meters.
Mr. Steiner, why did you start lower down?
Well, if anyone else hits the 140 mark,
I have to reckon on flying too far, judging from yesterday's results.
And it's scandalous that they didn't shorten the run today and even lengthened it two sections.
It's inadmissible.
Yesterday they let me jump too far four times.
That shouldn't happen.
It's scandalous of those Yugoslav judges up there, who are responsible.
Today it was wet, and I had to reckon on it being a nervous strain to start lower down, but I had to.
I couldn't take the risk.
But it makes no matter.
I want to ski-fly.
And this was the first time I needn't be afraid.
Autograph, please!
Sunday, second day of competition.
Steiner has a magnificent overall lead.
What about the speed now?
It's now normal.
It's enough.
It's enough.
I really had a terrific jump there.
You got 20 marks three times.
I don't think that's ever been done before.
It may have happened once, but not to me.
Not in your lifetime it hasn't.
Not with me in any case.
Steiner's flight of 166 meters was probably the most perfect ever recorded in the history of ski-flying.
After this jump, once again, too far for the ramp, they even tried to speed up the ramp once more by protecting it with silver-foil from the sun.
In addition, they lengthened the run and pressured Steiner to try one last time.
He did, but shortened his run by two sections.
Yes, they almost stung me up, surrounding me and saying the whole Yugoslav people would despise me if I didn't jump, and they'd do all they could, and what they did is, started two sections higher up.
I hope the Yugoslav public is now satisfied at least.
How far would you have jumped if you'd jumped from the normal height?
It has to do with thermics.
The jump I've just made wasn't ideal.
I think at 111 kilometers per hour, you could reach 180 meters without difficulty.
Despite voluntarily cutting down his run,
Steiner won the competition with a lead never before achieved in ski-flying.
I once had a young raven.
That was really something.
It was still practically unfledged.
I reared it on bread and milk, and when it could fly, it used to meet me or saw me coming on my bike from far off.
I whistled, and it flew onto my shoulder and came home with me and stayed till I fed it.
Sometimes it waited at the roadside when I came from school.
Suddenly I heard it cawing.
I looked around and saw it was my raven.
And he came flying straight to me.
Unfortunately, he kept losing more and more feathers.
Maybe it was the food it ate.
The other ravens plagued it.
The row started early in the morning.
They cawed.
He tried to flee, of course, couldn't get away, and fell down.
So I'm afraid I had to shoot him.
It was a torture to see him being harried by his own kind because he couldn't fly anymore.
I ought to be all alone in the world, just me, Steiner, and no other living thing.
No sun, no culture, myself, naked on a high rock, no storm, no snow, no banks, no money, no time, no breath.
Then, at least, I wouldn't be afraid.

"The cries..
"of the seagulls.
"The great...
"silence.
"The great silence...
safe and comfortable. "
My arse.
"When she was...
"fairly...
"near... '
Comma.
"He recognised Claire. "
I don't believe it.
You won't believe it.
I wrote something silly.
Pardon?
It's incredible.
The beach, the sea, the gulls, my hero walking... and he meets my heroine.
I stopped there.
Verging on depression.
It's impossible, writing such stuff.
It doesn't exist.
But it does exist.
You're proof. 
Thank you.
You're a writer?
Not really. 
I write TV soaps.
Bang! 
That's me!
I'm as much like a writer as the Louvre is like a phone box.
I'm paid union rates of 120 francs a minute.
Imagine Shakespeare writing Hamlet for FF 120/minute?
You watch TV?
- Never.
- Good. 
We can remain friends.
The fact,
You share with Claire, my heroine, that you're walking alone on a beach in winter.
But...
Claire had a reason to. 
Do you?
Claire was strolling on the beach because... she's just had a primary infection.
The man she loves sent her to rest on the coast.
And you?
- Did you have an infection?
- No.
And Claire's a dental surgeon.
She's engaged, marrying soon.
I'm already married.
At the end of the episode, Claire gazes at Ralph my hero, and gives him her phone number.
Hey!
Damn.
Do you come here often?
Be nice and leave me alone.
I came into your car like you came into my life.
I haven't written for 3 days.
No. 
Wait. 26 minutes.
I lost 26 minutes of soap because of you.
You owe me 3000... francs.
Ah, no. 
No, no.
But in fact, I left
I left my heroine sick and shivering on the beach.
Hose's still there.
So if you don't... want Claire to catch cold and you do want millions of TV viewers to catch my eighth episode, give me your number.
I'll produce 52 minutes in a day.
And dedicate it to you.
What's your name?
Why?
For the announcement.
Peggy.
Peggy.
I'll write on the screen:
"But for Peggy, this episode wouldn't have happened. "
Is your husband here?
I'm divorced
Better, but not much.
I can't quite build your character.
Help me out here because
You didn't have infection, and you're not a dentist.
What are you doing in Nice in winter?
Can't I call you somewhere?
Be nice. 
Get out and leave me alone.
OK.
But I'll lie in the gutter, and cry.
Don't be silly.
All right, then.
But I'll lie in the gutter.
Are you all right?
Yes. 
Why?
What are those two cows on about?
88... 10... 01.
See you soon.
88-10-01, 88-10-01...
Miss Lister.
- Who's asking?
- François Rollin.
You are to wait in the sitting room.
François...
Yes.
I'm upstairs. 
Come up, if you like.
Hello.
Isn't he sweet.
He closed the gate on my foot.
They make good ones in plastic nowadays.
Tell me... where did you find him?
For his age, he stands on his hind legs very well.
Does he bark at night or is he calm?
He knocked on my door last night.
No!
I could hearing him breathing.
He waited there for an hour.
And?
I didn't let him in.
You have to sack him.
Shall we go?
I've a soap on Europe 1 at the moment.
This is it:
The Loves of Cardinal de Richelieu.
It was I who...
I loved you from the start.
That's Richelieu.
Me too, Armand du Plessis.
With Splash,
Super activated washing powder with gamma rays...
I told them not to mix detergents and Richelieu.
but it seems they pay for the soap.
And me too.
What if I told you I'd never sleep with you?
Would it be that fun?
Don't say that.
What I like about you is you use humour not hands.
OK.I get it.
No matter. 
Can we be friends?
I'll wait as long as it takes.
We'll sleep together tomorrow.
We're being followed.
You don't have to drive so fast.
Easy. 
There's no one there.
The car, look out!
The bike!
Truce...
The truck!
Road hog! 
Scum!
Were we really being followed?
I want to go home.
Right.
I'd like to see you again...
Tomorrow evening.
"Peggy, last night a man was at your house.
Was he:
One: your husband?
"Two: a lover?
Three: the plumber?
"Strike out those that don't apply
"And call me soon,
I miss you,
"Signed: 
François. "
You're stupid.
It's just my lawyer. 
He saw to my divorce.
François, I'm sorry.
I can't dine with you tonight.
Don't ask me to explain. 
It's impossible.
I'll call you, I promise.
Miss Lister,please.
Albert!
Let Mr Rollin in.
please.
What have I done to you?
I've been waiting 3 days.
When I call, they say you've gone out.
We meet, we're inseparable, and then you vanish.
Don't laugh, Peggy. 
It's not good.
No. 
I'm sorry. 
It's not at all good.
Why a glass of water?
Why not?
I'm not really thirsty, but..
Why the silence?
Tell me what's going on, Peggy.
I can't.
Come on, let's go for a spin.
Did you think of me?
I thought of you all the time.
Yes, I did.
That's silly, then.
We think of each other but don't see each other.
Shall we go?
No. 
Not now.
Later.
Right.
I'll pick you up in an hour.
No, I'll pick you up at your place.
The key's in the lock.
Wait for me if I'm not in.
François,
I'm glad you came.
Go and work now.
Mr Francois Rollin, please.
Yes.
Miss Lister sent me.
What?
Miss Lister sent me!
Please come in!
What's it about?
Miss Lister couldn't come herself.
She sent me to drive you to counsellor Rilson.
- Her lawyer?
- Yes.
Oh.
I'll tell Sir.
Whom should I announce?
Mr Rollin.
François Rollin.
Would Sir wait an instant?
Mr Francois Rollin is here.
If Sir would be so good as to enter.
Mr Rollin?
Marc Rilson.
Miss Lister's lawyer.
Delighted.
My brother Denis
Mr Rollin.
Do sit down.
Would you like a drink?
No, thanks.
Isn't Miss Lister here?
Denis, leave us for a minute.
Sorry to have brought you here.
but I wanted to speak to you about Miss Lister.
These last 5 years, anything that remotely affects her concerns me directly.
Just what do you know about her?
What?
Has she spoken about herself?
her life ? 
her past?
I don't understand.
She didn't tell you I looked after her business?
Yes. 
You settled her divorce.
Divorce?
She's not divorced?
Miss Lister has been very ill,Mr Rollin.
She's convalescing now.
Ill?
She's in perfect heath.
A few years ago, she married a junkie who shared with her his taste for drugs.
Her addiction triggered a neurosis whose psychological after-effects are still with her,
In particular... her understandable disgust for men.
She has been on several detox courses.
But we don't know if she'll recover.
What is all this?
It's hard to believe, but I can show you her psychiatric file.
I overheard a little of your conversation.
There's one thing my brother omitted to tell you...
I doubt it's in her file.
It's that he loves her and wants to marry her.
Denis is also forgetting a detail:
Mr Rilson is already married.
I am Mrs Rilson.
Whoa...!
Right. 
Could you take me back?
I didn't lie to you.
Miss Lister has been very ill.
You must leave her alone,Mr Rollin.
Have you fixed a wedding date?
I didn't want it to come to this.
To what?
She's not divorced, she's a widow.
Her husband was murdered.
What?
She murdered him.
Yes.
She was acquitted after a medical enquiry.
But that doesn't mean she's cured.
Can I go?
- Steig.
- Yes, sir.
Take Mr Rollin home.
Very good, sir.
- Drop me at Miss Lister's.
- Very good, sir.
That's absurd.
You believed him?
Well... 
I don't know.
Why did you come back?
To find out the truth.
I told you the truth.
I'm a widow. 
My husband is dead.
You said you were divorced.
Because it was simpler
I don't tell my life story as easily as you.
And I'm not paid 120 francs a minute for melodrama.
OK,then.
I slit my husband's throat.
Blood on my hands.
You don't belong here.
Look, Peggy. 
I don't know...
I'm not to blame here.
Of course.
It's child's play.
Shit!
Of course, it's an infantile tactic.
He wants to separate us.
Why else would you send him to him?
Oh,I'm stupid.
But he's easily believed.
And the staging... 
It was incredible.
I couldn't write anything like it.
He had everything:
the chalk, the billiard cue, the icy stare, the neurotic wife, the degenerate brother...
Mummy Dracula, Uncle Frankenstein and their youngest.
Peggy, this isn't serious.
Her lawyer is the villain in the movie
And besides he wants her to marry him.
It's nothing. 
Just a draught.
Take me away.
Please. 
I don't want to stay here.
But why?
I'm scared.
He tried to get in my room again.
I constantly hear him breathing at my door.
Take me away.
I'm scared.
Hey,relax.
We'll find you a flat.
You're right, this big house is sinister.
Why did you choose such a place?
Marc rented it for me.
Oh,Marc?
My lawyer,counsellor Rilson.
When my husband died, he saw to everything...
He's never asked for a thing in exchange.
The sea's lullaby, the sun to wake you..
The gulls will say hello.
You'll love it here.
How much is it?
The 7th floor is just 1500 francs, and the 12th:
2000 francs.
It's a higher floor.
The prices are higher.
It's normal.
- Phone call for you.
- Be right there. 
Excuse me.
Hello..
Yes. 
Of course.
That's right.
Yes.
Right.
OK.
Look at the terrace..
I'm sorry, the flat on the 12th has just been taken.
- And the 7th?
- Rented too. 
Just now.
- What else do you have?
- Well, you know...
At the first sign of sun, the owners come.
You can't blame them.
- Sorry, I've nothing else.
- Come on.
Calm down, Peggy
Look, no one's following us.
You're not in danger now.
I am. 
I know we're being followed.
Since he got him out of prison, he's devoted.
- Who?
- Steig,his chauffeur.
He'd do anything for him.
Hope someone's in.
FLATS TO LET
Offices in show flat,3rd floor.
It's brand new, anyway.
100 francs says small, fat and a moustache.
Or bald with a plastic raincoat.
Or a dwarf with a red beard.
Anyone there?
Nobody.
I'm sure it's brighter in the daytime.
You'll be fine here.
Just fine.
Well, we can't hang around all day.
It gets complicated
Lighter.
Ow.
What's wrong with these buttons?
We're going back down.
What do you know!
This lift has got a mind of its own.
Dynamic,young,mischievous.
Keep the button pressed.
I'll put on the light.
Press.
I'm looking for the timer.
But I can't find it.
I've found it.
I press the button and... no light.
We'll have to ask for a rent reduction.
Here we are.
I've found the timer.
Francois!
Francois?
What's happened to you?
Are you hurt?
I was attacked.
Attacked?
- Long ago?
- Where is she?
Peggy!
Are you looking for someone?
Peggy!
He won't bother you now.
I think he's understood.
But there's a problem. 
She was very scared.
Excuse me, it's noisy.
I don't know. 
She disappeared.
You have to find her, Albert.
Call me when you have news.
Night has just fallen, we come upon an ambush.
I've been hurt...
I beg your pardon?
Marc was amazing.
He carried me for 2km.
Guns going off everywhere.
The gunfire raged on
I had 14 fragments in my leg. 2 kilometres.
You were 10 kilos heavier then!
In any case, time seemed eternal to me.
To me too.
Listen to the veterans!
Better than being discharged.
We'd all have been better off being discharge.
Excuse me.
The weather was awful.
Peggy, dear.
He touched me.
I'm scared..
I'm dirty.
He touched me with his dirty hands.
Yes?
Put him on.
She's at my place.
She was attacked. 
And scared .You could have defended her.
I told you to leave her alone, Rollin!
It was Steig.
It was Steig.
He's been tailing me for 2 months.
It's your fault.
Come along, now.
I ripped his eyes out. 
I hope he's blind.
It was Steig.
It was!
- Steig!
- No.
Steig has no reason to attack you.
He's there to protect you.
I trust him implicitly.
Come in.
Sir?
Thank you,Steig.
See? 
Anyone could have attacked you.
Marc?
They are waiting.
- I'll take you home.
- No.
- Why not?
- I'm scared.
No. 
Albert's there.
- That's who I'm scared of.
- No.
No. 
Albert,Steig,... you see evil everywhere.
The person who attacked you will regret it.
Nobody will lay a hand on you as long as I'm alive.
Don't you trust me?
There, Peggy?
- Can I come in?
- No.
We'll talk tomorrow.
I need to sleep.
- Do you want me to stay?
- No.
I'm much better.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
What exactly happened?
Please, not tonight. 
I'm tired.
- But I...
- Don't keep on.
I'll call you.
She's scared in this house.
I told you to leave her alone.
It's up to her to tell me.
Albert.
Ow!
What the..
Miss.
Miss.
It's Miss Lister.
Hello, Peggy?
It was him in the parking lot.
His face is scratched.
I can hear him behind the door.
I've locked myself in my room.
I can hear him.
I can hear him breathing.
Come!
Come quick. 
Quick!
Come quick. 
Quick!
Quick!
Stay there, Peggy. 
I'll be right there.
Steig.
Peggy...
What's going on?
Albert attacked us. 
It wasn't Steig.
His face is bloody
He's been scratched.
I don't want to go back there.
You won't go back there.
You can move in here tomorrow.
Is that better?
I don't want to go back.
I told you, move in here.
Wait.
wait,
I'll lend you some pyjamas.
They may be a little large...
But nice pyjamas.
When you arrived,
I was dreaming that a rhinoceros was...
What have I done with my pyjamas?
Quick, the door. 
It's him
Lock the door!
- Shall I see?
- Don't leave me.
Just a glance.
It's nothing!
Just a couple.
She's old and disgusting.
Always bringing young boys back to her 3rd floor flat.
What are you doing in your corner?
Let's sort this out.
I've lost my pyjamas. 
I'll find them..
There!
A little shirt will do.
Come here.
You take my bed.
I'll sleep in the armchair.
I'll sleep in the armchair.
But don't be afraid.
It's nothing.
It's a nightmare.
It'll all be forgotten tomorrow.
It's true, you know. 
It's vast.
You can buy thousands of hectares, there's nobody there.
We can settle on a farm
And live there, totally alone.
They're good. 
Here.
It's funny.
When I was little, I thought they walked upside down.
It's the other side of the earth.
You want a grapefruit juice?
A farm must be marvellous.
Living alone. 
Nobody there.
Australia must bore you stiff.
I'd rather be bored stiff there than tired of life here.
Oh... 
That's great.
I'll note it down.
"Bored stiff in Australia...
Tired of life here. "
I'll work that one in.
OK,then.
We'll go to Australia and live upside down.
Like this.
Hello?
It's me.
Hang on. 
I'll put counsellor Rilson on.
Sir.
I know she's with you,Mr Rollin.
They found the body of her gardener
The police were tipped off anonymously.
It's a murder
She must return home.
- Miss Lister lives here 
- I'll go with here.
They'll ask you questions.
Above all, don't panic.
That bastard tried to rape her last night.
A motive to send her to prison.
Hello, Miss Lister.
commissioner Garnier.
Do you have a minute?
She spent the night with you.
None of your business.
I'm not asking, I'm telling.
You're her alibi, fool.
Stop insulting me.
Stop being dramatic.
This chat is a formality.
It's more than a chat. 
It's a hearing.
And more serious than you imagine.
Damn!
Do be careful.
Sorry, sir.
Mr Rollin?
Miss Lister says she spent the night at your place.
That's right.
You'll have to drop into the office this afternoon
And don't leave the area without telling us.
What does it means?
Why are we being treated as criminals?
That's a good question,Mr Rollin.
I did warn you.
She murdered her husband
You wouldn't believe me.
I even made you laugh.
She told me everything, you know.
Frankenstein, Dracula...
Melodrama exists in life.
You're paid to know that.
Why did you lie to me?
Because I want to keep you.
Come on, I'll take you home.
Let's go.
With a case!
A brown skirt.
It doesn't suit me at all.
Three pullovers.
A coffee-coloured slip...
Yes?
I must take you to the station.
To record your statement.
I'll come too,commisaire.
Of course,counsellor.
Take my car.
We'll meet at your place.
Francois?
I've done nothing wrong.
And I love you.
Do you really need to take her?
I won't keep her long. 
I promise.
She doesn't need this.
Questions, police...
And I'm the police?
She's in good hands. 
Don't worry.
It'll all be fine, Peggy.
Why did you go to him?
What?
When things are bad, you usually come to me.
Why did you go to him?
The last episode was filthier than the one before?
Well good..
That's because I met my heroine on a beach.
No, I'm serious.
I met this lovely woman and ever since...
I've been shut in lifts, beaten up, and everyone around me is being killed.
No, I'm not drunk.
I'm as sober as a judge.
Yes,yes,yes.
And she has the most attractive lawyer in Europe.
If I met him in a dress, I'd marry him.
Oh. 
Excuse me, it's her. 
Call you back.
I'm Mrs Rilson. 
We have met before.
Oh,yes... 
Indeed.
I'd like to talk to you.
May I come in?
Of course.
I want to understand.
Good. 
So do I.
My husband won't enlighten me, of course.
He never says much about this business or his affairs.
But perhaps you...
Have you slept with her?
Pardon?
No. 
Definitely not.
Nobody's slept with her..
Not you, nor him.
Denis, my husband's brother tried a few months ago.
One night, he went into her room
He left her room with his arm bleeding.
Five stitches.
She's a mad criminal, terribly dangerous.
She is!
And everyone loves her...
How does she do it?
Tell me that.
Why did you come to tell me this?
I'll give you some advice.
Take her far away, as soon as possible.
So you get your husband back and everyone's happy.
Isn't it?
I don't know.
If she stays, everyone will be very unhappy.
Including you.
Take her away.
Sir.
I've come for Miss Lister's luggage.
- Did she ask you to?
- No, counsellor Rilson did.
I don't care what he says.
This is my home, and you can clear off.
- Give me that!
- Don't make this harder...
Get out! 
Out,fatso!
Stop it,Steig!
I was wrong.
You can do nothing against him.
He won't let her go.
Go...
Stop!
The little whore is here.
Would you like a drink?
An orange juice.
Hello, Miss Lister.
Where should we put your luggage?
My luggage?
Yes,Peggy,I sent Steig for your things.
You could have told me.
You don't need him now.
You shall live here.
In what room?
- I owe him an explanation.
- Why?
Do you want to phone him?
No, Marc.
You've always let me decide for myself.
I'd rather go to his place.
Shall I come?
No. 
There's no need.
- Shall I take you?
- No, thanks.
Sir, Miss Lister has gone.
I know,Steig. 
Thank you.
Mr Denis left right afterwards, following her.
I saw them go.
Denis has been looking for revenge on Miss Lister.
And you.
Peggy...
Where is she?
She took her cases and left.
- Where?
- Your place.
They all went to your place:
Husband,brother,chauffeur...
I warned you of trouble.
I'm afraid I was right.
Here.
I made some coffee.
Would you like some?
Yes.
Mr Denis Rilson is at your place.
Dead.
Murdered.
Bring a few essentials with you, Mr Rollin.
Last night at 7pm, you called on Mr Rilson and saw Mrs Rilson.
Yes.
Mrs Rilson denies seeing you.
She's lying.
I went to fetch Miss Lister, last night at 7pm.
Mr Rilson and his chauffer... almost ran me down.
Neither of them remembers.
Mr Rilson is trying to nail me.
But you can't believe I killed his brother.
You got there before me.
There are early indications that... the crime was committed an hour before I arrived.
You could have murdered Denis Rilson, left and come back an hour later.
commissioner,you received an anonymous call,
Mrs Rilson destroys my alibi...
Come one. 
It's a frame-up.
The dagger, the murder weapon... belongs to you.
The dead man was at your place
There's a tie.
How long will I be here?
Between 24 hours and 40 years.
- I want a lawyer.
- What?
I'll call counsellor Rilson.
Pardon?
You asked to speak to me,Mr Rollin?
The only way out for me is to accuse her.
I can also say what your wife told me
Which is?
Denis's wound and the stitches.
I can also say Peggy had come back when the crime was committed.
You've dropped me in it.
Now get me out.
This is far more risky for her than for me.
This is blackmail.
And you, perjury, you denied my alibi.
You want her back?
Me too.
Where will I get you?
I was wondering the same about you.
Mr Rollin, you are free.
Mrs Rilson's memory returned?
Mrs Rilson confirmed certain points of your statement... that clear you of any guilt.
I'd like to see Miss Lister.
Can you tell me where?
Why?
It's personal.
She's with counsellor Rilson.
I'll come with you, if you don't mind.
Why?
Professional reasons.
I'm a police commissioner.
I've two bodies and no killer.
Peggy...
Yes?
We have to leave now.
Come on.
I want to say goodbye to Francois.
We've no time to lose.
He wouldn't understand that I'd just leave like this.
I beg you.
I'm scared, Marc.
Scared?
Scared of what?
I don't want to go back to hospital.
That's out of the question!
You'll never go back to hospital.
You're cured now.
We'll go away together.
both, far away.
The other end of the earth
- Where they walk upside down?
- Yes.
Where they walk upside down.
Where there are no barriers.
Where nobody knows us
Come in.
Mr Rollin and the commissioner are here.
Good morning, counsellor Please excuse our unheralded arrival.
Without warning.
Where are you taking her?
Where she can rest. 
She needs it.
I'm sorry, but I need her.
What's going on commissioner ?
My investigation is going on, and I need to be able to confront all the witnesses.
As long as I haven't found the murderer,
I'm compelled to ask you all to stay.
And, of course, I must ask a few questions to...
Miss Lister.
What with the condition she's in ?
That cannot be avoided.
Or it must be acknowledged that her physical condition prevents her from answering a normal..
interrogation
Nonetheless you'll grant me that two murders in one's circle of friends may justify many depressive conditions.
I might just ask her a few questions here, then
Yes, it will prevent the anguish of official dealings.
Don't leave me, Marc.
I'm here, my dear.
You left here at 6pm yesterday in a car, to visit
Mr Rollin's house, in Antibes,
We'll forget your meeting with Mr and Mrs Rilson, though it didn't go very well.
Miss Lister!
You left this house and headed towards Antibes, closely followed by Mr Denis Rilson.
counsellor Rilson himself soon after set off in the same direction.
You arrived in Antibes around 7pm,
The time at which Mr Rollin was arriving here.
Around 7.15pm,
Mr Rollin's neighbour saw you on the stairs.
It all points to you visiting Mr Rollin.
And at the same time,
Mr Denis Rilson's car...
Eric!
I killed my brother Denis.
And Albert, Peggy's gardener.
I'm at your disposal, commissioner.
It's a dead end, Marc.
You can't do anything for her.
Blood was found on her clothes
I'll get the lab reports tomorrow and she'll go back to hospital.
For life...
You shouldn't have done that.
She's beyond help.
She's free because of you.
Give me 24 hours, Eric.
What?
I need 24 hours.
I'll sort everything out.
I can't do that, Marc.
Really.
Eric, please.
Damn!
Thanks, Eric.
Not too tired?
We'll soon be at the hotel.
When we're married, it'll all be in the past.
You'll give me children, I'll give you soaps.
Our children will watch my soaps, and my soaps will feed them.
Steig?
Where are they?
I'm tailing them.
They're headed for Turini Pass.
- Where?
- Turini Pass.
I'm on my way.
Turini Pass.
Ah, commissioner!
News about counsellor Rilson's disappearance.
Oh.
We've traced a conversation between his car,
Cadillac 7185 LG 06.
and the Villeneuve-Loubet phone box.
Hello?
You recorded the conversation in the Cadillac?
Right.
Turini Pass?
Call the police station at L'Escarene.
TURINI PASS.
Number 9.
Our nicest room.
Thank you.
What name?
Mr  Mrs Francois Rollin.
OK?
Not too tired?
I'm OK.
Please come this way.
The chef has left, but rest assured we'll spoil you.
You can eat by the fireside in your room.
A lover's repast.
Fancy a drink?
No.
Hungry?
No.
You mustn't be sad.
He wanted to paint you as a sick criminal.
Put him out of your thoughts.
Shall we order champagne?
To celebrate your being well.
Because... you're well now.
Hello, reception?
Can you bring up some champagne?
Yes. 
That's perfect.
Thank you.
Peggy!
You're trembling.
You're crazy!
I came looking for you Peggy
it's over, don't worry.
I'm here.
I'm here.
Come here, come...
We have to hurry.
We don't have much time.
No, Steig.
Thank you.
ORIENTATION PANEL
Look, Australia.
it's there at last...
I'll take you.
Let's both leave.
We'll buy a farm, an immense one... we'll be alone, for thousands of kilometres...
We'll have to learn to walk with our heads down.

THE PLANET OF THE APES 1x04 "THE GOOD SEEDS" Subtitles by subXpacio.
They were here.
The tracks are fresh.
I don't see them.
If you could, it'd be too late.
- Come on.
- Hey, uh-
Galen can't keep up.
His tail's dragging,
Chimps do not have tails.
And I'm all right.
Sure you are, you're Iron Man.
Excuse me
- Iron Ape.
- And Michigan's great running back?
- That was a while ago.
Like about 2,000 years, give or take a century.
Let's move out. 
There's no telling how close Urko's men are.
Let's try to make that forest before dark.
Coming. 
Mother.
Sack time, huh?
Let's check in here, I'm ready.
No way, baby.
This is our chance to get clear.
We know what direction we're going in, they don't,
There's nothing in any direction.
What difference does it make?
You can tell direction by that?
I mean, without the stars?
Yeah, it's called a compass.
That needle always points north.
And that cloud cover's a big break.
Urko's men won't know what direction they're going in, so they'll go in circles.
- We can go straight on.
- Compass?
- Is it witchcraft?
- Witchcraft? 
No.
It's handicraft.
I made it.
Next handicraft class.
make me a trail bike, twin jet.
You got it, Come on,
Through here.
They've been this way.
Clouds.
Blasted clouds!
Forbidden to travel without the stars.
Nothing's forbidden when you ride for Urko.
Then how come the spirits have pulled our horses' tails in a circle?
All right, All right!
We'll camp here.
Make a fire!
And stand watch to see if it chases the clouds.
If not, we're going on until we catch them!
Why didn't I buy that nice little bar in Jersey City?
Come on. 
We're following the, uh, uh... handicraft. 
Come on!
- Galen. heads up!
- Take it easy. 
It's rough in there.
Galen!
Take it easy, Galen.
Don't move.
Don't move.
Lie still, man.
- Tourniquet, hurry.
- I'm-I'm sorry.
- Great.
- Don't worry about it.
I always make tourniquets for my friends.
Take it easy, Galen.
We have to stop this bleeding first.
It was dark.
I fell.
No kidding.
Next time, wait for the lights to change.
We gotta keep moving.
We're sitting ducks.
- Hey, wait a minute.
- What is it?
It's a farm.
It looks isolated.
This could be it, Pete.
Show me a couple of nice, smelly ol' tractors, and it's home sweet home.
All right, saddle up.
Let's move on.
I'm beat, I don't care if this farmer doesn't have a daughter.
Anybody in there?
Anybody inside?
You get away from here!
Now!
I'm warning you.
We have clubs and corn knives.
We need help.
Our friend's been hurt.
We don't help humans.
Oh, dear!
Terrible!
He needs help.
Wait.
Who are you?
My name is Galen.
These are my friends.
- His tired friends.
- You're their prisoner. 
They captured you.
No. 
No, no.
P
- Please help us.
Are you rich?
They're your bonded humans, right?
No!
Put that thing away and help him, will you!
Now look, we're no danger to you.
Get him inside, I'll see what I can do.
Ask your questions later.
Can't you see he needs help?
Don't direct me, wife!
I'd already made up my mind.
But not you two!
Anto and I will carry him.
You two can wait in the barn.
And don't touch anything, or don't steal anything... or I'll put the patrol on you.
You just take care of him.
Man. 
I could sleep standing up.
Leave a wake-up call for February.
What year?
- Ow! 
Hey! 
Take it easy, Sarge.
- Get up!
- I didn't even hear reveille.
- Thanks for waking us up.
Why did you sleep so close to the cow?
- If she doesn't object, why should we?
- We're not gonna hurt your cow.
Humans are a curse to cows!
Everyone knows that.
Live and learn.
Five years I've waited for a bull calf.
My own ox to start my own farm.
and nothing but female calves.
Heifers...
for the landlord!
Put the stabber down, pal.
This could be your lucky year.
Wait a minute, I don't understand.
Ah, you understand.
When a son becomes of age, he has to wait for a bull calf to be born... before he can start his own farm.
Five years I've waited.
And the signs were against me,
Nothing but female calves,
This year, I knew the signs were right.
Until you came.
You hear?
You're a bad omen!
If you've put a curse on her.
I may kill you.
- Now, wait a minute- 
- Remove the curse. 
Go away today.
Hey,you two, Galen's asking to see you,
He's awake,
Wait,
It's bad enough having humans in the house, but wash first.
There's a smell about you.
Well, nobody's perfect.
Oh. 
You know, you really are wonderful.
I feel so much better.
Have you done this before?
I once trained to be a nurse.
- Until I met Polar.
- Hah!
A city. 
No place to raise a family.
- Or even visit.
- Someday.
Always the same answer.
Anto needs his bull calf.
Remus's hardly out of rompers, and Jillia hasn't even sought out a husband.
Daddy!
You won't be able to stand on this for some time,
- How long?
- Oh, several days at least.
I can't have those humans around here!
It's dangerous!
They've been known to kill cows just for the meat,
Virdon and Burke are not going to kill your cows.
Where are they from, those humans?
You simply must let them stay.
- They'll work for their keep.
- Work?
Of course they'll work.
That's what they're for.
Well?
I'll see.
He means well.
- You'll see.
- Thank you.
Did you send for my friends?
How can you keep calling them friends?
I think we're gonna have to stand inspection.
You ready?
Oh, uh, I've made up my mind.
You can stay until your friend is well or able to walk.
- No!
- You heard my decision,
All right.
But the cow is my say.
They stay away from the cow.
Uh, he's right about that.
The cow is his say until the calf is born,
Anything you say.
But you'll work...
every day.
just as though I could afford you.
- You got a deal.
- Just as though I owned you.
I get one of'em.
One of them's mine.
We'll see.
The mounted patrol! 
Are you sure you're not escaped bonded slaves?
I give you my word.
We are free humans.
- You will work for me?
- Yes, yes.
All right.
Go in the back and hide.
I'll talk to him,
Yes?
I'm looking for escaped bonded slaves.
Have you seen any?
- Humans?
- Of course humans. 
What else?
We know nothing of bonded humans.
- We're just poor tenant farmers, 
- Yes, we can't help you,
If you see any, report immediately.
- Failure to do so carries a severe penalty.
- I understand.
Are you dumb?
Do you understand?
Yes, I understand.
If you see a stray human, report at once.
Ah, yes.
Your name?
Polar.
I wonder if there's a reward.
Didn't look like one of Urko's men.
Don't kid yourself.
He's some kind of a local patrol, but they're all Urko's men.
Don't tell me your troubles.
We've got enough of our own.
Rocks!
There's no end to them.
The earth seems to keep breathing them up.
How do you know?
I lifted half the rocks in Jackson County when I was a boy.
You keep talking strange.
There's no such place.
There was.
It's a bad field, but we need it- every foot.
It's gonna get worse every year, you keep plowing like that.
- What?
- Come here, I'll show you.
Here, look.
Every time you plow up and down a hill, the way you're doing there.
whenever it rains, it's gonna wash off more of your topsoil... and gullies are gonna start to form, and they'll get deeper and deeper.
And they steal your land because you have to work around them,
Playing in mud?
But, if you plow around the hill instead, like this-
You see?
Then when it rains, the furrows hold the water.
It won't run off with your rich topsoil.
- And there are no gullies, See?
- Look, Anto, it's true.
It's foolishness. 
Everyone knows that plowing down the hill... gives the ox rest from plowing up it.
Foolishness!
Where did you learn this?
My family owned a farm when I was young.
We'll plow around like he says.
Then he'll plow around, 'cause I'll have no part in it.
Don't mind him.
He's worried about the bull calf.
Nothing else on his mind.
You lied, didn't you?
No, no, you'll see.
Take the ox-
About your family owning a farm,
Only apes ever own farms.
Then only the rich ones who have friends in the government.
No! 
No! 
No!
Stop!
- I order you to stop.
- What's your problem, boss?
That's the wrong kind of fence.
You show me a bale of barbwire, I'll build you a proper one.
But right now, this is the best I can do.
Poles, set up and down.
Stuck in the ground, like- like these.
Come on, Remus. 
You knock yourself out putting' up a stick fence like this.
Then the first time ol' Bessie rubs against it, it falls in.
Take a nice rail fence, like this.
Locked tight, bull strong.
Last you a lifetime, and it's pleasing' on the eye.
Fences never last long.
They're not supposed to.
That's where you're wrong.
Lieutenant.
I'm not wrong.
I'm in charge.
Uh, this kind of fence grows on you.
And say you want to move it.
Polar wants it over there, say.
All you do is take it apart and put it back together.
- Is that right?
- Would I lie to a nice ape like you?
Hmph.
Hmm, I've decided.
- It's a good job.
- Thank you, boss.
Back to work.
Yeah.
Who taught you to build a fence like that?
- Abraham Lincoln.
- I'd like to meet him.
So would I, Massa, so would I.
Five years you let them get away.
We could not follow them at night, sir. 
The clouds.
Virdon, Burke and that traitor Galen-
I suppose they can see through the clouds to the stars.
- How long?
- Four days' hard ride, sir.
This is all farm country.
Tenant farms.
- A few plantations, 
- Yes, sir.
They could steal horses.
It's death for a peasant or human to ride a horse there, sir.
Yes, I know that!
- Could you find your way back again?
- Yes.
But it will be slow.
The weather is covering the stars again.
Then the gods will guide us,
These humans are dangerous.
They stir up trouble!
They think they're as good as we are.
Make an ox pitch hay into the barn?
Isn't that enough to convince you he's not right in the mind?
Wait. 
Watch.
Okay, ready.
Work is meant to be work, and hay is meant to be pitched... by the forkful.
Drive the ox ahead.
Go ahead.
Ho, there! 
Ho!
Oh, that's good!
That's very, very good!
It's not bad for a guy who doesn't have all his marbles, right?
- Show me how to make the trick work?
- Sure, It's easy,
You saw. 
That's better than forkin' a whole load full of hay.
You see. 
She must've already eaten some hay that fell in here... from that evil device.
She's dying. 
I know it.
They're a curse.
I told you!
Anto makes a strong argument.
- How soon is she expected to calf?
- Three weeks, I think.
I think your calendar's a little off.
More like two or three days.
She'll be off her feet for a while. that's all.
It's a lie!
Throw them all out now, or she'll die.
Your cow is not going to die, Anto.
We can't leave here until Galen's able to walk.
By that time, your cow will be a mother, and we'll be on our way.
No, I'm the eldest.
The cow is in my charge.
Have we shown you anything evil yet?
Tell me, Polar.
If we have, then send us away.
The farm seems to profit from them.
You can stay.
But if anything happens to the cow... as Anto fears, your fate will be up to him.
- What good'll that do?
- Enough!
Then it'll be too late.
Maybe not.
Where's Anto?
I think he has some things to work out of his mind.
Remus, I thought you were shelling corn for seed.
- I am.
- Burke should be doing it.
Have a heart, We didn't discuss coffee breaks, but it's part of the deal,
Remus will shell the corn.
It's the job of the youngest son to prepare the seed,
Here. 
Always use the best ears for seed, not the smallest.
Did you hear that?
The best ears are for feed and flower.
The little ears are for seed.
Oh, I see.
Well, uh, then I guess it's the bad spirits... that have been making the stalks in the field... smaller and smaller every year,
Virdon used to be a farmer when he was young.
Not much of a farmer.
Wasting big corn on seed?
Tell me something, Remus.
Do you expect to be big and strong like your father someday?
Of course.
Well, that's because Polar is good seed,
If your father were small and weak.
then you probably wouldn't grow big enough to handle a calf.
let alone an ox,
See, every year, if you use the biggest, best ears for seed, then your crop will get bigger and bigger.
It will, I promise you.
I can remember sitting around a fire something like this... with my own son, and telling him the same thing,
Chris.
I wonder how he is.
I wonder what-
Is something the matter?
Well...
they have feelings too.
just like us.
Now, you hush.
Why are you so interested in a runaway, bonded human?
You couldn't afford to buy one.
I just wondered if there was a reward for helping you find one or two.
Reward? 
Why?
Do you know where some are?
I thought maybe you could tell me what they look like.
All humans look alike.
You know that.
Maybe I'd go hunting for them... if it'd pay enough to buy a new bull calf.
You farmers are all the same.
You wanna get paid for doing your duty?
There's no reward!
Now, move on.
unless you want to be arrested for loitering around horses.
The returning of slaves should be worth something.
- Who was that?
- Some backcountry farmer.
Thinks we ought to be giving a bounty on humans this year.
He looked familiar, I've seen him before... in the past few days.
Yes, Polar's farm.
He was looking for bounty, you say?
Perhaps Polar's farm needs to be... watched more closely.
She'll die.
Then what'll I do?
Wait for another heifer to freshen?
Another three, four years?
virdon says she'll be all right,
He's turned your mind with clever talk and tricks.
This cow is dying from their curse.
She started dying the day they walked in here carrying that.
that human-lover Galen.
I'll have a talk with them.
Galen can stand.
I've seen him.
They are staying so the cow will die.
I tell you!
Humans burn the flesh and eat it.
You've heard tell of that!
You say Galen can stand?
Hello.
Not too much at one time.
Mother says you'll break open the wound.
Oh, no, no. 
The pain has turned to itching now. 
That's very good.
Won't Virdon and Burke be surprised when I just walk right in on them?
- Not quite yet.
- Why?
Well, I mean-
Well, I don't quite understand you, anyway.
- You must've come from a good family.
- Well-
Now you're running with humans... who have filled your mind with mad ideas.
They're not mad ideas.
And I can't tell you any more.
so you just stop asking, huh?
Why don't you just let them go on?
Well, you see, um.
I can't.
And that is just another way of you asking exactly the same question.
Just like the female.
I thought you might never notice.
So you see?
What'd I tell you? 
It's-
It kind of goes- And then it's one of these-
Virdon, tell him what you're- No. 
Wait.
I remember. 
It's- It's our very own windy mill.
Windmill.
- That's what I said. 
Isn't it wonderful?
- What good is it?
This is the power unit to your irrigation system, Polar.
I don't understand.
When Virdon finishes the wheel, it goes up there and the wind makes it turn.
We pump water out of the ground and onto that dry field, where you need it.
You see? 
Making oxen lift hay that should be pitched.
And now conjuring up the wind to make water pour where it shouldn't.
It's unnatural!
No wonder the cow is dying!
Tell them!
Anto says he's seen your friend Galen stand.
If this is so, you must go,
It's true.
He can stand.
They can't go now, not until they finish so I can see it work.
It's not for you to say.
The youngest has no say.
I do have a say.
I have a say.
Anto's only worried about a bull calf,
Wait till your time comes to worry.
- Please!
- Stay! 
Leave! 
Stay!
Go! 
My mistake was being a father.
Do what you want!
No, I just live here.
That Anto is not one of my favorite apes.
Yeah, he could be trouble.
That mounted patrol was looking for escaped laborers.
but he didn't look too fussy about who he picked up.
See, the gods have been with us.
We've made excellent time.
Yes, but the horses, they need rest.
We ride!
I stood for several minutes today without this.
What's the big secret?
I thought we were friends.
- I wanted to surprise you.
- Well, lovable Anto... is chomping at the bit to get us out of here.
Apes do not chomp at bits.
Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.
He's anxious.
Better.
I think we'd better accommodate him, He could turn us in,
We ought to help out that cow, Give her Epsom salts and get this thing moving,
If that calf isn't a bull, then we could be in bigger trouble.
If that cow dies, Anto is entitled to kill you.
I'm glad he knows his rights.
Just give me a couple more days, I'm healing fast. 
See?
We could carry you again, Galen,
But the minute we leave here.
Urko's gonna pick up our trail.
- If we could get ahold of some horses- 
- Uh-uh.
I take it this isn't horse country?
No. 
Only landed apes and police are allowed to have horses.
Farmers have to walk or ride oxen or cows,
Nice arrangement.
Keep 'em poor and busy.
Then that's it.
We're stuck.
All right, we sit it out.
See whether Galen here or that cow makes it first.
I can hardly wait.
Whoo! 
Oooh!
I don't mind being a peasant just so long as I have all the conveniences of the rich.
Well, even the rich don't have showers in this world.
As long as you're adding conveniences, maybe tomorrow you can put in hot water.
How about a massage parlor, a sauna bath and a gym?
- Will that make you happy?
- Yeah, for openers.
Whoo! 
Oooh!
It's her time.
The tolling of the bell.
She's dying.
She's dying,
Trouble, Doc?
- If I can remember what the vet used to do- 
- Try hard.
I got a feelin' we don't want to lose this patient.
- Dying. 
Dying.
- Anto, look.
Anto, look.
Listen to me!
Your cow is having a premature birth.
She's suffering because the calf is turned.
Do you understand me?
Do you?
You! 
You've done this!
Wait! 
The cow is not dead.
You can't claim a life yet.
The cow doesn't need to die, I can help.
The calf has gotta be turned around,
Oh, no. 
You've worked your last trick here.
When she dies, you die.
Anto, stop!
Come on in,you human lover, and see what you've done!
Blame me, then.
It's my wound that brought us here.
- We'll all leave now!
- I'm packed and ready, I'll tell you that.
Anto, there's nothing they can do.
No one will leave... until this is all over, one way or another.
Toll the bell, Remus,
It's probably too late, but toll the bell.
Polar, talk sense to him!
Say the word, and I'll commit a clipping penalty that'll get us 15 yards.
- What are you saying? 
- I'm talking about a five-legged race with Galen,
No way, Our best bet is with the cow,
Speak so I can understand.
We're inches from becoming shish kebab.
Let the cow find another doctor.
Anto, there's nothing they can do!
You're right. 
Because if they try anything. 
I will kill them.
- All of them!
- Anto. 
I can help the cow live.
I've seen doctors do it a dozen times.
No.
Polar, do you want your cow to die?
At birthing time, the fate of the cow is in the hands of the oldest son.
- I have no say!
- Who says you have no say?
Those are old words passed down for so long... from our fathers'fathers, we don't even know if they're right!
Be still! 
Don't say such things in front of the young ones!
No, I won't be still. 
It's Jillia and Remus that I'm thinking of.
Anto, listen.
You have seen these humans... show us how to stop the rain from washing the hills away,
And you have seen them create cropland from dry fields.
Please, Anto, You want that calf,
And the bell asks that it be a bull.
Let him help you.
No, you won't touch the cow.
Give me a reading on the odds.
You sure you know what you're doing?
No. 
But I know that cow will die if she doesn't get help.
Remus, do you trust me?
Just play along.
I like the odds better your way.
Get ready to operate, Doc.
Back away!
All right, Anto. 
I've got a knife.
Drop the fork or your brother's never gonna live to see your baby bull born.
- He's not fooling! 
Do what he says!
- You heard him. 
Drop the fork.
Anto!
Anto, do as he says!
If you want it to be a bull, ring the bell.
You won't get away.
'Cause when this is over, if I don't kill you, the police will,
'Cause I won't lie to them again.
Okay, sweetheart.
I'm gonna do my best for you.
I want you to do your best for me,
Nice work. 
Remus.
We make a heck of a team.
- Can I go watch?
- Well-
You can watch.
I get a little queasy in operating rooms.
You can tell me all about it later.
Not too much detail.
Go ahead.
You think he can do it?
Instruct a cow in the birthing of a calf?
Well. he's made an eagle that can see directions, even on a cloudy night.
Yes, I would think that he could direct a baby calf into the world.
What's the score?
It's worse than I thought.
How bad is that?
It's about twice as bad.
Just a quiet little bar in Jersey City.
A little bell over the door.
Mounted patrol from some outpost.
- Sir.
- I'm Urko, headquarters.
Sir.
Your horses are lathered.
For what reason?
Escaped bonded humans. 
Patrol thinks he spotted them at a farm near here.
- Standing under a stream of water.
- How far?
- We're almost there.
- We're hunting two escaped humans... and a defector, enemies of the state.
- Sir. 
I doubt- 
- If there are doubts. 
I will have them.
- ...after we have a look.
- Yes, sir.
Lead the way.
Anto, come have a look!
You hit a jackpot!
Twin bulls, straight across!
Oh my!
When you said "twice as bad"- 
- You're a genius, Alan.
- Thank you.
I'll never knock a farm boy again.
Twins!
Two bulls, Anto.
That, uh.
bell ringing really did the trick,
Police!
All kinds of police!
Hide up there. 
Quick, outside.
Anto, come on.
- Polar?
- That's Polar.
Why do you come riding through here?
You make enough thunder to shake the turnips from the ground!
Shut up, female! 
You're hiding escaped bonded humans, Polar.
No, that's a lie.
He was here before.
- Silence!
- He was standing under that thing.
One of them was standing under there in a kind of rain.
What's so funny, farmer?
You won't laugh with Polar hanging on the end of a rope.
It was me! 
He saw me!
We're a poor farm family.
Would you deny us... what little fun we can make for ourselves?
Look. 
See?
I make the family laugh!
White, like a human. 
See?
And then I walk around like a straight-necked goose.
Like a human. 
See?
Ahh! 
I'll have some meat!
I'll have some meat!
I'm gonna cook it good!
Ahh!
Don't you see?
This is what he saw.
My room for taking my makeup off.
Fool!
Search the barn,
Eyes that deceive once can deceive twice.
A clown, hey?
We'll see.
No humans here, sir.
Two brand-new calves.
They would've been eaten if there were humans around.
Demote that patrol.
He's made fools of authority.
Yes, sir, Idiot!
Virdon, I'm
- I'm sorry for how I acted to you in there.
I just couldn't believe.
Thank you very much,
Anto, I saw what you did out here, and, uh.
if I hadn't seen it myself.
I wouldn't have believed that either.
I'd say we're about even.
Will you show me what I must do just in case someday when you're not here?
Just ask me, Anto. 
I know.
I watched the whole thing.
I put some bread in there.
Oh, thank you. 
Zantes.
Be careful of your leg.
I don't want you to come back here...
- ...
laying around for, for me to wait on.
- Oh?
- Where will you go?
- Well, we don't really know.
West always seemed a good direction.
Maybe we'll try it again.
Thank you, Virdon.
I'll never forget you.
It'll be a long time before I forget you too, Anto.
I named the bulls,
One Burke, the other Virdon.
Hey! 
Just watch the heifers around the one named Burke.
Bye.
- Good-bye.
- Bye.
So long.
- What is this?
- A windmill.
Where does it come from?
- I made it.
- He's a very bright boy.
If you were bright, old farmer.
you'd keep him at work in the fields.
not building these toys to play in the wind.
Next spring we'll plant that new field they made for us.
Good, rich earth.
And I'll plant the best seed, like Virdon said, huh.
Yes, we'll try it.
The best seed this time.
Uh, if there's no objection.
I think we should go that way.
Does it matter?
Everywhere we go there's apes.
- Yeah.
- Some good, some bad.
Come on.
Subtitles subXpacio

Attention, all surgical personnel... report to operating room.
Incoming casualties arriving by chopper, ambulance and jeep.
It's gonna be a big one, folks.
How do I know you mean it?
I haven't been in love in two or three days.
Right after this shift, huh?
I know a tent with a gypsy violinist... and a fortune-teller who reads army boots.
- I've got nothing to wear.
- Now I know I'm in love.
We got customers.
You didn't get home last night.
Where were you?
There's ten bucks for anyone who can tell me.
You certainly were feeling no pain at the club.
Why? 
Just because he tried to eat the cherries out of a slot machine?
I didn't. 
Embarrassing.
Not at all. 
At closing time, you slipped a nurse over your shoulders...
- and left like a perfect gentleman.
- Terrific.
I just want you to...
You got this, Radar?
I don't wanna run out of anything. 
Pierce, Mclntyre.
- I checked Supply, sir. 
It's gonna be a big one.
- It's gonna be a big one.
- They're sending extra blankets.
- We need extra blankets.
- I've cleared the roads for the ambulances. ... 
locals off the roads.
- We don't wanna block the ambulances.
- I'll get on this.
Let's get on this right away.
Looks like this kid was playing beanbag with a hand grenade.
- Gimme a ten blade.
- Number ten blade.
Got a repeater here. 
These look like your stitches, Hawk.
If they look like stitches, he isn't mine.
Pierce, you need a modesty transplant.
- Clamp.
- Clamp.
Got enough thumbs over there, Colonel?
Send a case of thumbs to that table with my compliments.
I don't happen to think that's funny, Captain.
How'd you like to step outside, lady?
- May I have your attention, please?
- Stop bleeding for a minute.
My personal tortoise-shell scrub brush... given to me by my lovely mother... with my initials in gold leaf, is missing out of the scrub room... again!
Did you look in your last patient, Frank?
That's how most of your stuff leaves here.
Oh, very comical.
If I had a sleeve, I'd laugh up it.
- Colonel, Major Burns is being abused again.
- Cut that out, Frank.
- How many wounded we got out there, Frank?
- Thirty, forty. 
More comin'.
Come on, Ginger. 
Move it, honey. 
Checkout time is 3:00.
Easy.
- What do we have here?
- Ethiopian soldier.
Boy, did he take a wrong turn.
Multiple fragment wounds. 
Okay.
Margaret, you're fantastic.
Fits me like a glove.
Looks like a long session, sir.
Would you like to have the sound from the movie piped in?
That's good thinking. 
Klinger, take that dress off at once!
Not in front ofTrapper.
He's a married man.
You're gonna be fine, fella.
That's easy for you to say.
Uh, here's some coffee, Hawkeye.
And your razor.
Uh, we used all the hot water on the instruments.
Radar, when this is all over... the two things I'm gonna miss the most are you and dysentery.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Anything else you want me to get you while I'm on the get?
Bring me a Maine lobster, about a three-pounder... some drawn butter, bedspring French fries... and a liter of the house white wine.
Make sure you don't bring it from the lab.
Will that be all?
Yeah, that should about do it.
Send the bill to MacArthur.
He can deduct it as an entertainment expense.
Yeah, okay, well, I gotta get goin'.
Uh, some, uh, personnel is donating blood...
- and I promised the donors doughnuts.
- Run along, Andy.
How we doing, Chief?
So far, two thoracotomies, a bowel resection...
- a splenectomy...
- And a partridge in a pear tree.
I must have used a half a mile of silk in there.
Hey, I don't want to be a back-seat doctor... but you know you dropped your hardware three times?
What, are you keeping score, hotshot?
- Doctor. 
Doctor.
- Uh, the Ethiopian, sir.
He wants to say something to the doctor.
I think he's thanking you.
Well, that's Haile Selassie of you, sir.
Keep him warm.
That's got to be the nicest fee I ever got.
- How long have you had this?
- Had what?
I just get cramps, in there.
Don't you ever?
Oh, are you kidding?
I'm the cramp champ.
I'm the camp cramp champ.
- I can tell the onset of arthritis.
- Arthritis?
Yeah, you remember, from medical school?
"Arthritis. " Came after "acne. " Right before "arrangements for time payments. "
It's just fatigue.
It comes and goes.
Henry, this could be your ticket home.
I'll sign the diagnosis, we'll stick it in your belly button, and you're off.
Pierce, I'll level with you.
I've got a great practice back home.
They all come to see me.
I'll bet there's no one in Bloomington, Illinois, that I haven't seen naked.
But, uh, it's routine.
- Cookbook medicine?
- Yeah.
Yep, but this place... this place, which has all the attraction of a lanced boil... has given me the opportunity to do more doctoring... than I can do in a lifetime back in the world.
Wars don't last forever, Henry, only war does.
One day you're gonna have to go back home and die in your bed in Bloomington.
I've done that several times.
One extra brandy at the club, and I have to leave an I.O.U. On my wife's pillow.
I must say, senora, that's the best meal I've ever eaten.
It is the least I can give you for an afternoon of great emotion.
You followed your star yesterday.
You were inspired.
Hmm.
Who wouldn't be inspired?
- I'd seen you. 
I wasn't bad, was I?
- What is that?
Blood and Sand. 
Tyrone Power, Rita Hayworth.
The Frank and Hot Lips of old Seville.
Father, over here.
You got the I.V.?
- Yes, Trapper?
- He wants to write a letter before we put him under.
- Go ahead, son.
- Are you a priest?
- Very much so.
- That cross doesn't mean there's a railroad ahead.
It's to my wife, Mary Ellen.
Okay?
You're the only one I ever loved, honey.
That girl in Tokyo didn't mean a thing to me.
It was just one of those things.
Go ahead.
Same goes for that girl in Okinawa.
And those two in Honolulu.
When did you find time to get wounded? 
Bye-bye.
Don't send it, Father.
He's gonna pull through.
- Unless his wife gets that letter.
- Right.
Can we turn that hogwash off?
Yes, sir.
- Uh, Colonel?
- Yo.
The cook says since everyone's gonna be in here tonight... should he make cold food instead of hot?
- His hot food is usually cold enough for me.
- Hot food, cold food, movies.
- Retractor.
- Retractor.
So unprofessional in here.
I protest all these distractions!
Hear, hear! 
Mostly I protest the wearing of falsies in the O.R.
I wish you'd cut it out, Frank.
You're driving me crazy.
- Don't let him razz you, Frank.
- Oh, shut up.
- Frank!
- It's not an easy job, taking out a man's kidney.
Trap.
Put a pressure dressing on this, babe.
Do we got X rays on this?
Let's see the kidney, Frank.
This kidney's none of your business.
I don't come to your table and mess with your organs.
Frank, look at the X ray.
This guy's only got one.
One kidney? 
I...
Well, he was so messed up.
We were in such a hurry.
Nobody told me they took X rays.
- I could've killed him.
- Thank you, Doctor.
Just happened to be in the neighborhood.
Whattaya mean, "No pulse"?
What I said, Doctor. 
No pulse.
How did that happen?
He was doing so well.
- What's wrong?
- Get me a heart needle and some Adrenalin!
Come on. 
Come on!
- No dice.
- Adrenalin, Doctor.
- Are you ventilating him okay?
- Yes, Doctor.
Still no pulse.
You're losing him.
The hell I am. 
I'm not gonna let somebody screw up my batting average.
Give me a scalpel.
Stand by with a rib spreader.
- What are you doing?
- I'm gonna try some open-heart massage.
- We've never done that!
- Neither has he. 
Rib spreader!
- Rib spreader.
- Get them apart for me.
Pierce, you are one cool cucumber.
Here we go.
Clamp. 
Sponge.
Clamp.
Sponge.
Come on, honey. 
Move it.
I'm getting something.
Sixty over forty.
Come on.
You can do better than that.
I'm getting a pulse.
It's stronger.
- It's beating on its own.
- Ninety-two over sixty.
- Bingo!
- You did it!
That's my bunkie.
Taught him everything he knows.
I'll finish for you, Pierce.
Okay. 
Thanks, Henry.
Thanks, everybody.
That was the most fantastic thing I ever saw. 
Clamp.
- Henry, I gotta talk to you later.
- Anytime.
If I'm gonna do this kinda work, I gotta get more money.
That's a little closer than I like it.
I hope we're givin' it to 'em good, those little yellow Reds.
Frank, you better take two yellow reds and go to sleep.
Oh, you like getting shot at, Dr. Goody Two-Shoes?
I just don't know why they're shooting at us.
All we want to do is bring them democracy and white bread... transplant the American dream:
Freedom, achievement, hyperacidity... affluence, flatulence, technology, tension... the inalienable right to an early coronary... sitting at your desk while plotting to stab your boss in the back.
That's entertainment.
Pierce, you are certifiably insane.
Gee, I can't understand why.
Here I am, 20,000 miles from home, working as an extra in a war movie... with this guy's blood dripping into my boot.
Nurse, you wanna do something about that, or must I kiss you into submission?
- Right away, Doctor.
- That's not insane-making, Frank.
Neither is bedding down every night with a flea circus... or eating food prepared by a cook who used to make box lunches for kamikaze pilots.
Or getting so bored out of my skull...
I put on my dress uniform for a trip to the latrine.
Will you watch your language?
There are nurses present.
Oh, forgive me. 
I'd like to offer the nurses a blanket apology.
Or even better, I'd like to offer them a blanket invitation.
- Smut merchant.
- Oh, pipe down, Burns.
Oh, sure! 
Always!
You jump all over me, but he can say what he wants, and he gets away with it!
- Colonel's pet, that's what you are!
- I'll get you at recess!
Colonel, did you see that?
Do you mind, Major? 
I'm trying to sew my glove into this patient.
Close for me.
I'm going to take five.
- Make it ten.
- Years.
And take Mclntyre with you.
Klinger!
- Sir?
- Let him sleep outside. 
We can use the table.
Which one of you's gonna tell him he's not the champ anymore?
You're a pistol.
We need some more sponges here, Margaret.
- We're running low!
- My mother's name was Margaret.
That's funny.
It was my father's.
Orange juice, anyone?
Freshly "squozen. "
- Thanks, Radar.
- Klinger, get over to the mess tent.
All the guys are givin' blood.
Blood! 
I must give blood, or die!
Mclntyre... 
I want to thank you for helping out on that kidney.
Anyone for orange juice?
Over here, boy.
TheJournal up yet?
Huh?
Just pour that in any part of me.
Uh, juice, sir?
Just a minute, Radar.
- Wow.
- See what happens when you play with guns?
You okay? 
You look beat, sir.
I feel like death on a soda cracker.
How are we doing?
Well, we're running out of gowns, towels and 3-0 silk.
Only thing we got plenty of is wounded.
Scrounge, Radar, scrounge.
...and what I don't understand is... why do people take an instant dislike to me?
It saves time, Frank.
Well, we got along fine, for the first two weeks.
Exactly, Frank, and that time was absolutely wasted.
But, deep down, there's no real hatred, is there?
Deep down? 
No.
It's just that you're a joyless person, Frank. 
You're D-U-L.
I'm from a very strict family.
We weren't allowed to talk at meals.
We couldn't even hum.
Anybody who hummed got a punch in the throat.
- That's terrible.
- I think that's why I became a snitch.
So I could talk to somebody.
You were a snitch, Frank?
I'd squeal on anybody.
Once, in school, I caught my best friend smoking.
I didn't report him. 
Later I snitched on myself for not snitching.
Gimme a break, Frank.
I'm very tired.
I'm hearing you through the wrong end of the binoculars.
All I'm asking is for you and Pierce to let up razzing me.
- Okay, Frank.
- Friends?
Friends, Frank.
No more hostility.
No more hatred. 
Friends.
Now, shut up, Frank, or I'll kill ya.
Attention, all personnel.
Over 3,000 tons of scrap paper fell on General MacArthur... in his homecoming parade in New York City.
I hope some of it was in bundles.
Just like you to malign... one of the top ten generals in American history.
Margaret, the man was starting up with Red China.
You've got a point there, Hawk.
I suppose you could run the war better than a five-star general?
The Daily News only gave him four.
What do we got here that we could do without?
Business girl. 
She got caught in some cross fire.
Nurse told me she found $20,000 on her.
I think I'm in the wrong business.
- Clamp.
- Hi, Henry.
- Hello, Sidney.
- When are you guys going to be through?
- Hold it.
- Yes, sir?
Rad... 
We need more silk, Radar.
- We're all out, sir.
- All right.
In my tent, under my bed, next to the milk bottle... there's a package of sewing thread.
- Lorraine sent it to me. 
Go.
- Yes, sir.
Colonel, ordinary thread for stitches?
It's either that or use the stapler in my office, Major.
I gather our poker game is off.
Major Freedman.
The psychiatrist.
Remember me, sir?
Corporal Klinger?
Remember you? 
I had to buy an extra cabinet for your file.
How 'bout it, sir?
Any chance for a psycho?
Klinger, there's 17 other guys wearing dresses ahead of you.
And some smart stuff.
No, wait. 
Something new.
I'm beginning to wet the bed.
Anything?
- Get yourself a pair of rubber bloomers.
- Corporal?
- Clean towels.
- Yes, ma'am.
Well, I'll see you guys next week, then.
- Ho, Sidney. 
Where you running?
- Scrub up.
You kidding? 
I haven't washed my hands since I became a psychiatrist.
Only his mind gets dirty.
Margaret, scrub Dr. Freedman for surgery.
Medical school was a long time ago.
Last surgery I did was a boil on my kid's toches.
This way, sir.
Psychiatrist! 
Hmph! 
I have a few ideas on that subject.
Keep talking, Frank.
I could use the sleep.
Sex! 
Sex! 
Sex!
#The boys are marching ##
That's all they think about.
I happen to believe there's more than just sex between a man and a woman.
Right. 
There's smoking in the dark afterwards.
- Here's the thread, sir.
- Good.
- Goman, get it sterilized.
- Yes, Doctor.
Radar, check on the generator.
We need more juice in here.
You all right? 
You look pale.
- I gave blood twice today, sir.
- You're not supposed to do that.
I fell asleep in the mess tent, and two guys siphoned me.
Simmons, close here.
I gotta take a shower.
- Father, what is it?
- Oh, these things happen.
He fell off his high heels.
- Thanks, Father.
- I'll look after the towels.
Fourteen ninety-five.
- All come back to you, Sidney?
- I just hope it doesn't all come up on me.
Get that, will you, Ginger?
Sorry, Doctor.
Welcome to the club. 
It stains right, through. 
I never wear underwear.
That's more than I need to know.
That's better.
You may think I'm kidding, Sidney... but if you ever want to stop being a doctor, you could become a doctor.
This one's ready for post-op.
- Hawkeye?
- Not now, Radar.
I'm teaching this new man here malpractice.
Sir, I just had a talk with a nurse.
I hope you straightened her out.
You remember that open-heart massage patient before?
Yeah?
She told me to tell you that, uh, he didn't make it.
A few minutes ago.
Sorry, sir.
Damn.
Damn.
Damn it.
I've got some bleeding here.
Should I clamp it?
I thought I got to him in time.
- Clamp it.
- Thanks.
Hawk... he was gone once.
You bought him four hours he never would have had.
I've read all the procedures.
It's worked.
Maybe I should have stayed with him in post-op.
We needed you here.
You want to get back in the game?
I'm not ready to solo yet.
Tsk.
I really thought I'd pulled it off.
Some patients insist on dying, Hawk.
You knew that going in, but you had to be a doctor.
I never had any choice.
It's all I ever cared about.
It's all I ever wanted to do.
Sometimes I think I'd be more useful as a cocktail waitress.
You haven't got the legs for it.
Let me finish this myself, will you, Sidney?
Good idea.
Occupational therapy.
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice:
Pull down your pants...
and slide on the ice.
See you Thursday.
- Pierce, I need you.
- Two seconds.
One would be better.
Irrigate that area for me.
I'll be right back.
- What is it, Henry?
- Look at this.
- Oh, God.
- It's at least eight hours' work.
His liver's gone.
There's a dozen kids outside that can be saved.
He'll take two surgeons and who knows how many units of blood.
And what's worse, he'll never make it!
And meanwhile, we may lose some of the others.
Pierce, I have a lot of trouble with this kind of decision.
Henry, he never should have been brought in here in the first place.
Orderly, help me with this man, please!
- I smell something burning.
- We got hamburgers!
- And coffee!
- Over here, miss.
- Ma'am.
- Pardon me, Father.
- Father?
- You want coffee?
I don't care what anyone says. 
Something's burning.
Fire!
Get the oxygen out of here!
Ingmar, get this guy over here!
The wiring's overloaded!
Cover 'em up!
Get outta here! 
Let us out!
Gimme another one of these!
Get that one out first!
Hold it! 
Hold it.
I got it.
Great thinking, Trap.
- You could have blown us up!
- How did you know that wasn't alcohol?
Hey, look, I'm sorry!
Maybe you'd like the fire back!
- I was merely pointing out...
- You could have blown us up!
Wait a minute. 
Come on, folks.
The war, remember?
Of course. 
It was in all the papers for a while.
- Who wanted mustard?
- Get this man back here.
Okay, everybody.
Get over here.
Attention, attention.
All personnel may stand down.
Armed Forces Radio reports that General Mark W. Clark... has just been appointed commander of the U.N. Forces in Korea.
General Clark succeeds General Ridgway... who succeeded General MacArthur.
And that's the news, generally speaking.
No one's succeeding us at all.

Everybody up!
Everybody up!
Let's go!
Yes?
Reveille, sir.
Boodle Boy reporting with morning coffee, sir.
Come in.
Cook hopes the coffee is strong enough and to your liking, sir.
Mmm-hmm.
Um, Miller, isn't it?
Jonathan B.?
Yes, sir. 
It will be my pleasure to serve the Colonel... as Boodle Boy for the next duty period, sir.
Some problems with geometry, Miller?
Yes, sir, but my grades are better this quarter, sir.
Work on them, Miller.
Geometry is logic.
And logic is the battlefield of adulthood.
Yes, sir.
Dismissed.
Thank you, sir.
Miller!
Sir?
What is today, Miller?
Sunday, sir.
I mean Founder's Day, sir.
A very special day, wouldn't you say?
Yes, sir.
Then how do you explain those shoes, Miller?
Those shoes are a disgrace.
Following this morning's ceremonies... you will report to my office for discipline.
Yes, sir.
Dismissed.
Good morning, Colonel.
One moment, please.
Have Captain Loomis report to my office immediately.
I believe he's in charge of color detail, sir.
Oh, yes. 
In that case, immediately after the ceremonies.
Yes, sir.
The ceremonies commence at 10:00 am. 
Thank you.
Naturally, our guest of honor from Phoenix will be late.
Naturally.
Find it difficult to understand that only two generations... separate the founder of this academy from Mr. William Haynes.
Yes, sir.
Let me know when he arrives.
Yes, sir.
Colonel in?
He's on the phone, Mr. Haynes.
Would you care to wait out here?
No, thank you, love.
Have it ready.
I'll be over to check, thank you.
Nice to see you again, William.
Colonel.
Have a good trip?
Let's skip the amenities, Colonel.
You called again last week.
You asked me to think it over carefully.
I have.
Beginning with the fall term...
Haynes Academy becomes a coed junior college.
I see.
I wonder if you really do, Rumford.
This academy can handle 6,000 boys.
This year the enrollment's barely 1,100.
We've lowered our so-called standards, and still they stay away.
The truth is... nobody wants to play soldier anymore.
The war's over.
It's never over, William.
There are too many people set on destroying our country.
And that is why institutions like this academy... cannot be allowed to die.
You know the incredible thing about you, Rumford?
You really believe those clichés.
What do you believe in, William?
That plastic world of advertising that you fit into so snugly?
It is people like you, William... that have made our country a moral junkyard.
It's no secret, Rumford...
I don't like you.
I didn't like you when I was here as a cadet.
I can understand your bitterness, William.
You were a poor cadet.
You lacked character.
In fact, you lacked every quality... that made your grandfather a great man.
You still do.
You know, it's going to be a ball throwing you out of here.
Your coed school hasn't arrived yet, William.
What the hell are you going to do about it?
The board of trustees doesn't give a damn about your opinion any more than I do.
Just a moment, William.
I'll be right back.
What's the matter, Colonel?
You always have an answer for everything.
Miss Brady, would you file this for me, please?
Yes, sir.
You know, William... you remind me of a story about Stonewall Jackson... when he had to dismiss an incompetent from his staff, and he said:
"Here is a man so lacking in leadership...
"that he can accomplish nothing unless he is led by the hand like a child. "
What's your point, Rumford?
You think I can't get along here without you?
I don't think you'll be able to find your way to the latrine... without my help.
You're sick.
You're really sick!
You're so used to playing God... you figure nothing's going to work without you.
You've been an honored guest at Founder's Day every year for the past seven years... but I think you don't deserve to be on the premises.
You couldn't find the parade grounds without my help, William.
Who in the hell needs you for anything?
And now I suppose... you'll want to preside at today's ceremonies?
You're damn right I do.
You're finished anyway, so it might as well end right now.
Oh, I don't have to take that, William. 
Do as you please.
But I would prefer that Captain Loomis presided.
Not a chance.
Miss Brady... kindly inform Captain Loomis... that Mr. Haynes will be presiding over the ceremonies today.
Looks like the great warrior can dish it out, but he can't take it.
That was a French 75 millimeter.
Maybe 50 years old.
World War I.
And you say it's fired every day?
At sundown.
I guess it was just a matter of time.
What's that, Captain?
An old gun like that. 
Something like this was bound to happen.
Tragedy.
Nobody's fault, Colonel.
The old gun just gave out.
It was an accident, pure and simple.
Hey, Corso.
Excuse me.
Hey, you, mister!
You better hand that over to the police.
I'm gonna do that, sir.
This is a restricted area.
You better leave.
Officer.
You may wish to detain this man.
He refuses to leave the area.
This man is Lieutenant Columbo, sir.
He's in charge of the investigation.
Is he?
Yes, sir.
Lieutenant.
Lieutenant, this is Colonel Rumford... commandant of the academy.
How do you do?
Colonel Rumford, sir.
Morgan.
The chaplain has asked me to tell you... that all the men are assembled in chapel as ordered, sir.
Very well.
We located the victim's car.
Here's the keys.
Thank you.
Through there.
Great.
Can you believe it?
Getting calls all the way out in Westlake... wondering about that noise.
It must have been pretty loud, huh?
Of course, it was loud.
The gun did blow up.
Well, no more to do around here.
Damned shame about Haynes.
I remember him, nice fella.
You fellows gonna wrap it up?
What's to wrap up?
I do this, and we're finished.
What's he up to?
Would you excuse me a minute?
Attention!
Seated!
Mr. William Haynes is dead, gentlemen.
The last of a proud line of patriots.
A man who deeply loved this academy... and everything that it stands for.
I shall miss him, as I know you will.
But we must not allow this tragic accident... to divert us from our purpose.
We must be certain... that his untimely death... will spur us all... to greater determination and dedication.
The rest of today's activities are cancelled.
The chaplain will now lead you in prayer.
Gentleman, please rise.
Let us pray.
Oh, merciful God... thou who art the Creator... and Sustainer of the universe... strengthen us as we stand...
Excuse me, for interrupting, sir.
Yes, what is it?
I just want to ask one question.
Sir, when you fire a cannon during a ceremonial occasion...
I know that you don't use a regular charge.
You use a...
A blank charge.
What is in a blank charge, sir?
Sodium nitrate and cotton wadding.
Cotton wadding?
...in the name of the Father... and of the Son... and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.
I found this darn little hair out there.
Hair?
Yeah, I found this...
Actually it's not a hair, I called it a hair because it's so thin.
Actually, it's a...
Well, I got it right here.
Gentlemen, this concludes our service.
Actually, it's a thread.
You see that?
That's thread.
I didn't know what this thing was doing in the cannon, you see.
That's why I kept looking around out there. 
You saw me.
You must've thought...
Excuse me a moment, please.
I was crazy.
Chaplain.
Very nice service.
Thank you.
Yes, sir.
What was it?
Well, that's what I was trying to find out... and I kept on looking, and, you know, I found this.
See this little piece of material, huh?
Since I didn't know what this was doin' in the cannon either... so I kept on looking and...
I found...
I got it here somewhere.
You won't believe where I found this.
This was underneath the patrol car.
Cop pulled away, and there it was.
This piece of cloth.
So I get from the hair to this piece of cloth... and then I figure, well, maybe this is part of a ceremonial charge.
But now you tell me you use cotton wadding, so I don't know what it is.
Do you know what this is, sir? 
No idea.
Doesn't look like clothing to me.
Awfully big for a handkerchief.
Well... let me ask you something.
Jeez, I hope this doesn't sound foolish.
Is it possible that a cloth like this left in the gun... could have caused the explosion?
If anything blocked the barrel... it would cause the explosion to back up... and blow the breech.
Thank you very much.
Well, I'm sure there must be somebody here at the academy that can identify this.
If not, I'll take it into the lab tomorrow. 
Thank you very much.
Just a minute.
Let me see that again.
It could be a cleaning rag.
A cleaning rag? 
A rag used to clean the cannon?
Yes.
Oh, well, thank goodness.
What a relief.
Appreciate it.
You know, it's like when you misplace your car keys... you can't rest till you find them.
Sir!
Excuse me.
You know, maybe the old gun is not to blame.
I mean, maybe someone was cleaning the cannon... and they just forgot and left the rag in there.
That's unlikely to happen here.
Is there someone in particular in charge of cleaning the cannon?
We have a cadet assigned to that detail.
I don't recollect his name at the moment.
But if you care to step over to my office...
I could check it out for you.
If you don't mind a little walk.
My wife says I need the exercise.
This is Lieutenant Columbo, Miss Brady.
He's investigating our accident.
I want the staff informed... that he is to have their full cooperation.
Yes, sir.
Cadet Miller reporting as requested, sir.
Better, Miller.
Much better.
Thank you, sir.
But in the circumstances, I'm going to put you on probation for two weeks.
Thank you, sir.
And I want you to report each day with those shoes shined like glass.
Yes, sir.
Dismissed.
Thank you, sir.
Where is Captain Loomis, Miss Brady?
I notified him, sir, but I suppose, considering the accident... it slipped his mind.
Notify him again, will you?
This way, Lieutenant.
Yes, indeed, sir.
Let me check that duty roster for you.
He thought you were going to hit him.
What's that?
The boy out there, he thought you were going to hit him.
My bark is sometimes worse than my bite, Lieutenant.
He's my Boodle Boy.
A sort of orderly that brings me coffee each morning after reveille.
I suppose at 6:30 in morning it's difficult to think about shined shoes... but if they don't learn self-discipline now... they never will.
Let's see, the week of the...
What was that that you called him, sir?
A boodle...
Boodle Boy.
Seventh gun cleaning detail.
Springer.
Is that a boy that you're familiar with?
It's Cadet Springer. 
He's been suspended twice already.
He has more demerits than I can count.
Well, what do you think, sir?
You think he's the type of boy that, you know, his mind is somewhere else?
He could forget, leave a rag in a gun.
If anyone were capable of such an irresponsibility... it could be Cadet Springer.
Maybe I'd better go talk to him.
Come in.
Oh, sorry, sir.
I can come back.
No, let's talk now, Loomis.
Are you aware you have a serious problem at Pershing Hall?
I'll step outside.
Stay right where you are, Lieutenant.
Someone over there is fermenting hard cider at Pershing Hall.
Are you aware of that, right under your nose?
No, sir.
Possession and use of alcoholic beverages is a serious infraction.
Yes, sir.
Does the Colonel have any idea who might be responsible?
If I did, I wouldn't be asking you to look into it, would I?
No, sir.
That's all.
Of course, sir.
I guess boys will be boys.
Boys will be boys, Lieutenant.
But someone's got to turn them into men.
Yes, sir.
Where would I find this Cadet Springer?
Pershing Hall, I believe.
Which way is that?
Out the main entrance... to the south parking lot... across the courtyard toward the recreation building... and then right toward the chapel.
Turn left just before you get there.
It's three buildings down on the left hand side... over by the main gate.
Thank you very much.
Certainly.
How do you get to Pershing Hall?
Well, you should be able to find it on this.
We are here.
Pershing Hall is here.
Everything is marked.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
Hey, Sarge, how long are we gonna hang around?
It's Sunday, you know.
Yeah, what are we waiting for?
What do I know? 
He just disappears, I don't know where he is.
Oh, Lieutenant!
Lieutenant!
Is there anything else you want us to do?
No.
Can we go back to town?
Yes, I have my own car.
Haynes' wife has been notified.
She's flying in this evening to claim the body.
Very good.
I got Haynes' personal effects.
I'm going to put them in my car and take them back with me.
Clean shirt, underwear, socks... and what looks like a blueprint.
What have you got there?
Do me a favor, will you? 
Put this in my car. 
Tell him what you got there.
Overnight bag, clean shirts, underwear, socks... and what looks like a blueprint.
That's the blueprint?
I think it's a blueprint.
Just a moment.
What is it?
It's not identified.
I don't know how to read these things.
Well, neither do I.
It says locker room.
Maybe it's a new gym.
Yeah.
Maybe it's a new gym.
Where's the other pages?
That's all there was.
It says page three of three.
And I see some staple holes here in the corner.
That's all there was.
Would you put this in the back of my car?
Thank you.
Can we go now?
Certainly.
Cadet Springer?
Yeah?
My name is Columbo.
Lieutenant Columbo.
Oh, that's all right, son.
Listen, I'm sorry to bother you, son.
I thought maybe you could help me.
This will only take a second.
You got any idea what this is?
It's a piece of a cleaning rag.
To clean what?
A cannon. 
A gun.
How do you know?
Well, feel it.
It's got gun oil on it.
Well, you're absolutely right.
Well...
I tell you the reason I ask that is because...
I found that rag... on the parade grounds after the cannon exploded.
So?
I also found out that you were assigned to the gun-cleaning detail.
Well, I didn't leave any rag down the barrel of that cannon... if that's what you're trying to say.
Well, there's a simple fact here.
If that rag was in the barrel of the gun... it had to get there somehow.
Mmm-hmm. 
Well, that makes sense, but I didn't do it.
What's the name of that cannon?
Old Thunder.
Old Thunder.
I'd like to get that name.
The colonel, he's pretty tough, isn't he?
I guess so.
You two get along okay?
Why do you ask me all this?
Why don't you ask him?
Well, I'll tell you what he said.
He said you get a lot of demerits.
Well, that's right.
The colonel and I have a few problems with each other.
What did you do wrong... that he stuck you on the gun-cleaning detail?
Well, actually, cleaning that cannon... is supposed to be some kind of an honor duty.
Wait a minute.
That's a reward?
Yeah.
So who assigned you to that?
The colonel.
How often do you clean the gun?
Every night.
Even when it's not fired?
They fire it every night at sundown.
So you cleaned it last night?
Listen, I didn't leave any rag in the barrel of that cannon.
I couldn't have.
Is there anything else that you'd like to tell me?
No.
Lieutenant Columbo, sir?
When you're through, sir... the commandant has asked me to extend his invitation to join him for supper, sir.
Well, I think I'm through now.
Thank you very much.
Maybe we can talk again some other time.
I hope you don't mind, sir... but I'm due on guard inspection.
Just follow this path till you come to Sheridan Hall.
Take a right, and then a left in front of the transportation office... and the mess hall will be just in back of it.
Thank you very much.
Yes, sir.
Excuse me, fellas, can you tell me where the mess hall is?
The mess hall?
Can you tell me...
Is the mess hall this way?
I'm sorry.
I just want to know, can you tell me is the mess hall in this direction?
Excuse me.
Is the mess hall this way or that way?
I'm looking for the mess hall.
Plebes are not allowed to talk, sir.
Oh, uh, well, look... could you just point with your finger?
Is it that way?
It's that way, sir.
Thank you very much.
Excuse me, I'm late.
I got a little lost, sir.
Yes. 
Allow me to present...
Cadets Lambert and Moore.
Good afternoon, sir.
Good afternoon.
Care to join me?
Yes, sir.
Good afternoon.
Cadets.
Take his coat.
Thank you.
I...
I gather they found you at Springer's quarters, right?
Yes, sir.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, sir.
I hope you don't mind my asking... why are they being punished?
Lambert.
Sir.
Explain to the Lieutenant.
Yes sir.
Sir, the cadets eating in this fashion are not being punished, sir.
They're first-year cadets called plebes, sir.
The method of ingestion is often called eating a square meal, sir.
Thank you very much.
Gentlemen, permission to leave the table.
Yes sir.
Thank you, sir.
Pleasure to meet you, sir.
Pleasure to meet you.
Tell me, Lieutenant... you had your little talk with Springer?
Yes, sir.
Satisfactory?
No, sir.
Oh, why was that?
Is the enrollment down here at the academy, sir?
Beg your pardon?
I say, is the enrollment down here?
A little, lately.
I only ask because I see so many empty tables.
There are not so many people who want to be soldiers these days.
Would you pass the bread, please?
Why was your talk unsatisfactory?
There were a couple of things that bothered me, sir.
Let me ask you, sir.
He was a delinquent cadet.
Why was he assigned to an honor detail?
We have a policy here, you see, Lieutenant.
With rebellious cadets... we try punishment, and we try discipline.
And as you know, Lieutenant... the best men are not always the most docile.
In the case of a cadet who's got character and promise...
I find that an honor detail sometimes works wonders.
But it was you that made the assignment?
Oh, yes.
Don't take this wrong... my next question.
I have to ask you to...
When I inquired this morning... why didn't you remember that you had made the assignment?
Oh, yes, I can help you there, Lieutenant.
You see, I remembered that I made the assignment... but I didn't remember that he was still on it.
You wouldn't have any way of knowing this, Lieutenant... but these details, they last about three weeks... and he could have been replaced.
Oh.
Oh, fine.
Well, thank you very much, sir. 
That does explain it.
My pleasure.
You have to forgive me.
It's not me, it's my mind.
It's very slow, and I have to pin everything down.
I can understand that.
Would you pass the butter, sir?
If I pass the butter... will you promise to explain to me why the conversation was unsatisfactory?
Actually, sir, I'm putting on weight... and I'm trying to cut down on my butter.
Don't take that the way it sounds.
I'm going to tell you why the conversation was unsatisfactory.
It happens to be true.
At home, we don't have butter.
My wife, she uses margarine, but I gave that up.
I don't want to press you by the way.
If you don't want to tell me, I understand.
Oh, no, sir.
No, I need your help.
I know you do.
I mean, you're not an outsider here, sir... and this is of vital interest to you... and you have a right to know.
Certainly.
I don't think the boy is telling the truth.
You mean, he denied leaving the rag in the gun?
Yes, sir.
He denied it categorically?
Denied it totally.
Well, in that case, why do you choose not to believe him?
I do believe him.
Do you?
About that.
I see.
I'm not being clear, I know that.
The problem is, it's yes or no.
I mean, about believing him.
In other words...
Let's see if I can get this straight.
He's holding something back.
He's not telling the whole truth.
You see, that's on the one hand.
That's why the conversation was unsatisfactory.
However, on the other hand... about when he denies leaving the rag in the gun... that I believe.
Oh, Lieutenant... now I've got a problem.
I'm beginning to think like you, you know.
Springer was on the gun-cleaning detail, correct?
Yes, sir.
Springer was the last one to clean the gun.
And Springer has a history of carelessness.
Now in view of these facts, Lieutenant... can you explain to me why you believe him?
Because he identified the rag so fast.
In other words, I asked him what this rag was... and immediately he just touched it, and he said it was a cleaning rag.
No hesitation.
That's so...
Attention!
Beware of an excess of compassion, Lieutenant.
I have no desire to destroy this young man any more than you do.
But he was guilty of negligence... and his carelessness cost a man's life.
And irrespective of whatever action you choose to take... he is going to be severely disciplined... right here, at Haynes Military Academy.
Captain Loomis.
Sir.
What's the progress on this cider incident?
I'm still looking into it, sir.
A word to the wise, Loomis.
Beware of a misplaced sense of justice.
The culprits in this case, they do not know what justice is.
You're allowing them to walk all over you!
Now get it moving!
Excuse me, Lieutenant, I've had a hard day.
I'll think I'll retire to my quarters.
Yes, sir.
You won't take any of that personally, will you?
A difference of opinion between men.
It sometimes happens.
Yes, sir, I'm glad you said that. 
Thank you very much.
Oh, there is one other thing.
Well, would you care to walk with me?
Perhaps we could discuss it on the way... if you've finished your meal.
Oh, absolutely, sir.
I always have a light supper.
Johnson is to report... first thing to my office in the morning.
This morning when I first got here, I was speaking to...
What's his name?
Gee, if I don't write everything down, I forget it.
One of your officers, he speaks very slow.
Oh, Captain Bartlett.
That's sounds right, sir.
I think it was Bartlett.
Good man.
Do you have a Barrett?
What's the difference?
The fact is, he was telling me that... you personally fire the gun... on these special occasions.
Three times.
Opening Day, commencement ceremonies, and, of course, Founder's Day.
And what about in the evening, sir?
What do you call it?
Retreat?
We have a junior officer assigned to that... and he works on a day-to-day basis.
I see.
So you only fire the cannon three times a year?
That's correct.
This is a very delicate subject, sir.
That's why I hesitate to bring it up.
I don't want you to overreact.
Then get on with it.
I know that you believe that Cadet Springer... while he was cleaning the gun, carelessly left the rag in there.
But if you could suppose for just a moment... that somebody else put the rag in the gun.
Do you know, sir... what the implications of that are?
The implications are that somebody was trying to kill you.
I don't know what the hell you're talking about now.
If someone is cleaning a cannon and they leave a rag in it... then it's an accident.
But if it was not Springer... and someone was not cleaning that cannon... and they put a rag in it... then it was deliberate.
That's true.
And if it was deliberate... and it was planned for Founder's Day... one of only three days of the year that you fire the cannon... then, sir...
I don't like to say this... but obviously you were the target.
That's ridiculous.
It's ridiculous to speculate.
I shouldn't have brought it up. 
I knew it would upset you.
I think you're working too hard, Lieutenant.
Everything is not a murder, you know.
In your business, accidents do happen, you know that.
People get hit by cars.
A boy could leave a rag in a gun.
You're probably right, sir.
Too long in homicide.
Always think the worst.
Now I can imagine that.
Oh, sir, would you do me a favor?
Yes, certainly.
My wife, she's up in Fresno.
She's visiting my mother-in-law.
If it wouldn't be too much trouble... don't want to put anybody out... do you think I could spend the night here?
No trouble at all.
I'll have them prepare one of the guest cottages for you.
I'd prefer the barracks, if it'd be all right?
You know, be with the kids, life, you know.
Yes, it could be educational for you.
Why don't you stay at Pershing Hall?
Could have another little chat with Mr. Springer.
Wonderful.
I'll get someone to escort you.
That won't be necessary, sir.
I know where it is.
Besides, I have to pick up something in my car.
I'll tell Captain Loomis to expect you.
Still investigating, Lieutenant?
Oh, nothing important. 
Just a couple of little things.
Well, when you get finished, how about giving me a hand?
Case of the sinister cider.
You know, I wanted to ask you about that. 
I don't understand.
When I was a kid at camp, we always had cider.
This is the hard stuff.
Some of these kids, they bottle it up... and they let it ferment in the night air.
When I was a kid, it was panty raids.
Oh, Morgan.
Sir.
Would you check Room 2245 for Lieutenant Columbo?
See that he's made comfortable.
Yes, sir.
Do you have a match?
I don't smoke.
I don't see Springer.
The colonel has placed him on punishment detail.
Because of the cleaning rag.
You know...
Cadet Springer denies leaving the rag in the gun.
Springer was responsible for the gun.
That's sufficient, Lieutenant.
I'll leave you in Morgan's hands.
If you need me, I'm quartered upstairs.
Lieutenant.
I hope this will be satisfactory, sir.
If not, we have plenty of others.
Do you have a match?
No, sir.
I don't smoke.
There's a fresh toilet kit in this chest, sir.
Towels are in the closet.
If there's anything else, please feel free to call.
I didn't expect a room like this.
Problem, sir?
No, these rooms are not what I expected.
What is it? 
Morgan?
Yes, sir.
You know, I was in the army myself, Morgan.
We used to have one big room.
Upper bunks and lower bunks.
Fifty guys, and half of them were snoring... and the other half, they were writing letters.
So there was no privacy.
Now, this is...
Well, granted it's not a dance hall... but it's private.
I mean, if I had this when I was in the army...
I could've enjoyed it more.
I'm not sure "enjoy" is exactly the word you had in mind, Lieutenant.
Listen, if you need anything, let me know.
I wanted to ask you, Morgan... about your new gym.
New gym, sir?
Yeah, I understand you're building a new gym here.
That's the first I've heard of it.
The gym we've got is pretty new anyway.
It's only about seven years old.
No kidding?
No, sir.
Well, I guess I'm mistaken.
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
Yes?
Officer Corso?
Yes?
This is Lieutenant Columbo.
Who?
Lieutenant Columbo.
We met today at the Military Academy. 
Do you remember?
Lieutenant, it's 3:00 in the morning.
Yes, I hate to disturb you at this hour... but you said something today that has been bothering me.
You know, I couldn't sleep because of it... and I finally went off.
And now it just woke me up.
What are you talking about?
Those people out in...
Where did you say that was? 
Westlake?
They reported hearing the noise.
Isn't that what you said?
Yes.
But, you know, they fire that cannon every day.
How come they never heard the noise before?
It was a very loud explosion.
I know, that's what's been bothering me.
Why is it so loud?
Lieutenant, the gun never blew up before.
I see.
Well, I'm sorry I woke you.
I'm sorry, too.
Listen, go back to bed and get a good night's rest... and thank you very much for your help.
Sure.
On your feet!
Let's go!
Formation in 30 minutes!
Let's go! 
Everybody up!
Come on!
Let's go!
Let's go.
Up!
Up and at 'em, trooper.
Let's get with the program.
Everybody up.
Let's go, let's have it.
Formation in 30 minutes.
Let's go.
Morning, sir.
Sleep well?
I slept good.
It wasn't the sleeping, it was the waking up.
The kid scared the life out of me.
Do you have an extra pair of socks?
Socks, sir?
Yeah, clean socks?
No, sir.
I usually do my laundry on Monday night, so...
I wouldn't be able to have a fresh pair for you until tomorrow.
But meanwhile, I'll check into it for you, sir.
Yeah, I think I saw something like that on Cadet Springer.
That thing hanging around your neck.
What is that, like a good luck charm you fellows wear?
No, sir, that's a pledge ring.
Some of us have girlfriends over at Valley Stream.
Valley Stream is a girls school, and that's a girl's ring.
Yes, sir.
You know, come to think of it... we had something like that in high school.
I gave a girl named Teresa an identification bracelet.
I got it for my birthday.
Yes, sir.
You know, I ran into her.
Oh, it must've been about eight years ago at a wedding.
So she told me, she said she's still got it.
Well, I was pleased.
I'll let you know about the socks, Lieutenant.
Platoon, halt!
Carry on, mister.
Carry on.
Yes, sir.
Good morning, sir.
I wanted to get over to see you in your office.
I saw you standing over here, so...
I just thought I'd have to tell you as soon as possible.
Tell me what?
I suppose you saw the fellow I was talking to over there.
What fellow?
Sgt. Kennedy, ballistics, sir.
You see, I had this problem with the noise of the explosion.
Too loud.
Noise?
Well, you know, they heard it way out in Westlake.
It's eight miles.
They've never heard the cannon go off before and, of course, that bothered me.
It woke me up.
It was 3:00 in the morning.
Well, that's a long story.
I don't wanna get into that.
The fact is that I called this fellow Kennedy and I asked him... to check out something for me.
Regarding the accident?
Well, let me tell you what he found.
I have it right here.
He took little pieces of metal... from the breech of the gun and he had them analyzed.
Taken into the lab.
It's not good news.
In what respect?
Minute traces of a...
"g", "e", gelignite.
Is that the right word?
Gelignite.
Gelignite.
A gelignite called C4.
May I see that?
That's a very powerful explosive, Lieutenant.
We don't use it here.
But that's the point, Colonel.
You see, you don't use it here.
Somebody had to alter the shell.
You understand?
That with that much noise... and that kind of force... that somebody took the powder out of the blank charge.
That...
Sodium.
Nitrate. 
Sodium nitrate.
Yes, sir. 
They had to take that out and put this other stuff in.
That's not an accident, Colonel.
Now we are talking about murder. 
Pure and simple.
You really think so?
I'm certain of it, Colonel.
Then it's a very serious business.
If such a thing were proven... it would be a black mark on the history of this academy.
You better get this investigation moving along.
Clear it up, man.
That's easy to say.
It's hard to do.
You see, the problem is, Colonel, I don't have any leads.
I got that boy Springer... and I do intend to go back to him.
I want to check his file.
However, you do know how I feel about him.
I'll talk to Miss Brady... and make sure that all files are made available to you.
As you see, it's a busy day.
Anything else I can do for you?
I'd love a fresh pair of socks.
Where are you staying?
Pershing Hall.
They'll be right over.
Size 10 and a half, 11.
On your feet.
How long have you been on this?
Yesterday and today, sir.
Oh, yes, I remember.
I had to do it in my time.
You've talked with Lieutenant Columbo?
Yes, sir.
What's your opinion of him?
I have no opinion, sir.
He's not satisfied with your explanation.
The situation is a little more... complicated than we had expected.
In fact, there is a distinct possibility... that you may be charged with murder.
Now, hear this.
We have had our differences from time to time... but I still think you'll make a good soldier.
So I can assure you... that you can rely on me and the academy... to stand behind you.
Understood?
Carry on.
Everything is in strict order, Lieutenant.
I'd appreciate your keeping it that way.
Oh, absolutely, ma'am.
I realize how people feel about... keeping their records neat and clean.
I can assure you I won't disturb anything.
Incidentally, this is in terrific condition.
Thank you.
That was a terrible thing that happened here yesterday, wasn't it?
I guess you must have known William Haynes pretty well.
No, I rarely saw Mr. Haynes.
Wasn't he the chairman of the board?
Mr. Haynes' contacts with the academy... were infrequent and generally negative.
And I had as little to do with him as possible.
I see.
Holy cow, look at this.
Yes, what is it, Lieutenant?
I see where Cadet Springer was caught sneaking off... the academy grounds six times.
Well, that was last year.
He was seeing a girl.
What does that have to do with anything, Lieutenant?
I do have work to get through.
Sorry, ma'am.
Everything is back in order.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Can I ask you something?
Was my cigar bothering you?
Just a little.
I should've known.
Can I ask you another question?
It's only going to take a minute.
The dispute between the colonel and Mr. Haynes yesterday... it's my understanding it had to do with declining enrollment.
Is that what you understand?
I don't know what the argument was about.
I do know that Mr. Haynes was rude and arrogant.
Well, then you did hear the argument?
Just a little.
The colonel brought me out something to file... and left the door ajar.
But I can assure you... that Mr. Haynes did all the provoking.
Can you remember anything specific that was said?
Yes.
Yes, one thing I'll never forget.
The colonel suggested to Mr. Haynes that Captain Loomis preside at the ceremonies.
Now, if Mr. Haynes had listened, he'd be alive today.
So, in a sense, it was William Haynes' temper that killed him.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
Excuse me, sir, can I help you?
This is the gym?
Yes, sir.
I mean, this is the only gym?
Yes, sir.
Excuse me, sir.
Which way is north?
That way, sir.
Trying to figure something out.
That's north, right?
Yes, sir.
So if that's north, then that's east... then there should be a door there.
Right there.
But there is nothing there but a wall.
Yes, sir.
That's a wall, sir.
I'm right, there's no door there.
That's no door, sir.
But this is crazy.
I was inside.
The locker room is here... and the pool is here.
But where's this door?
And where's the other gym?
Sir, there's no other gym, sir.
Thank you very much.
Yes, sir.
Company, ten-hut.
Fall out.
Lieutenant.
We've got a problem.
Roy Springer.
He's gone.
What do you mean, gone?
Well, we've searched the campus, and he's not here.
The colonel thought you ought to know in case... you wanted to issue an All Points Bulletin.
I certainly do.
I'll do that immediately.
Thank you.
When was he seen last and where?
About an hour ago, in MacArthur Hall.
Miss, excuse me.
Yes?
I'm looking for a girl.
I'm sorry. 
I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.
No, ma'am, I'm not a stranger.
I'm a police officer, and I'm looking for Susan Gerard.
I've read her file.
She went to school here... last year or this year, I'm not sure.
Susie?
Sure, Susie goes here.
Could you tell me where I could find her?
Sure. 
She's on that bus that's just pulling out.
Miss, can you tell me what she looks like?
Say, are you sure you're a police officer? 
Absolutely.
Sure doesn't look like a police car.
If you could just give me a rough idea.
Is she tall? 
Is she short?
Is she blonde? 
Brunette?
Well, she's kind of average, I guess.
Blonde. 
She's wearing a red sweater.
Thank you.
Hey, are you sure that badge is real?
I hope you like cheese. 
It's all they had in the machine.
It's terrific.
It's great.
Listen, I managed to scrape you about $20, if you need it.
Well, I don't need it.
I think I'm just going to try and bum a ride up north.
I guess. 
Maybe I'll stay with those guys in San Francisco.
Roy, don't you think you ought to stay?
No. 
I mean, I know you didn't do it, but...
Somebody's trying to set me up.
Who's trying to set you up?
How do you know he didn't do it?
Colonel Rumford.
Lieutenant Columbo is waiting in your office... with Cadet Springer.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Lieutenant.
Mr. Springer.
Sir!
Colonel, Cadet Springer...
I'm gonna talk for you for a moment, Roy.
Cadet Springer has decided to return to the academy.
I'm delighted that he is safely home.
Do you have any charges against him, or can I discipline him now?
I have no charges.
I'm happy to hear that.
However, there are certain facts that we feel you should know.
I will welcome any information that would clear up the situation here... and we can get this place back to our normal routine.
In that regard, sir... the boy has been no help as far as who did it.
I mean, he has said nothing that points to anybody else.
You are satisfied that he didn't do it.
I'm sure you will be, too.
Mmm-hmm.
Roy.
Do you have something to say to the Colonel?
Sir, it's impossible for me to have left that rag... in the barrel of the cannon, sir.
Tell him why, Roy.
Because I didn't clean the cannon the night before the ceremony, sir.
Why not?
I was off campus, sir.
Where?
I would rather not say, sir.
I'm sure you wouldn't.
The fact is he was off campus.
He was?
Yes, sir, he was.
And there's a second party that will verify his story.
So he has a good alibi?
It's not an alibi, sir.
That's a fact.
Very well.
Mr. Springer... pending investigation of this serious infraction... of the rules of the academy... you are going to be confined to quarters until further notice.
Dismissed.
Yes, sir.
What do you think of him?
I was thinking of you.
I know you don't like flattery... but if you can stand it for just a moment...
I think it's a wonderful thing you did with that boy.
I'm flattered.
I know it didn't turn out that way... but you told him to stand his ground, and you'd back him up.
He told you that?
Yes, sir.
What would you like to do next?
I keep thinking about this file.
What it says.
"This is a very obstinate young man...
"strong-willed and opinionated.
"It's as if he goes out of his way to take a contrary position.
"Tell him that snow is white, and he'll say that it's black.
"In this sense, his reactions are very predictable. "
Springer.
Springer?
No, sir. 
This is not Springer's file.
No, this is one of your old files.
This is William Haynes' file.
That's interesting.
What's interesting, sir?
That at age 16... their characteristics should have been so similar.
But Mr. William Haynes grew up to be a man without convictions.
I have higher hopes for Mr. Springer.
When I think of Haynes and Springer... and I think about this file... the fact that their reactions are predictable...
I find something else interesting.
See, I'm a cop.
I got a different problem.
I got to catch somebody.
Who has keys to the arms room?
The arms room?
Yes, sir. 
The criminal had to get into the arms room... to change the charge in the casing.
In order to do that, he needed access to keys.
How many sets are there?
Three.
Springer has a set, the officer of the day... and I have a set that will open every lock on the campus.
Well, we know Springer wasn't on campus at the time.
So maybe somebody took Springer's keys... or they took the keys of the officer of the day.
Or maybe they took your keys.
Impossible.
I think that the night before we had a staff meeting that went to... 2200 hours and then I retired to my quarters... where I slept soundly... until I was awaken by my Boodle Boy at 6:30.
Left staff meeting at 2200 hours.
What time is that?
10:00 pm your time.
10:00 pm.
Went to your quarters, slept soundly until Boodle Boy... woke you.
6:30.
During that time, could anybody have gotten your keys?
I always lock up before I turn in.
So that means it either had to be Springer's set... or the set of the officer of the day.
Maybe we're looking too hard at the cadets.
Maybe we ought to be looking at an expert in guns.
You know, explosives.
Well, this is a military academy, Lieutenant.
And as you know, the military do, from time to time... deal with guns and explosives.
We have a number of experts right here on campus.
Would you put yourself in that category?
Very definitely.
Question is who would have a strong enough reason to kill you.
You know somebody who has a grudge against you?
Possibly.
I don't pretend to be beloved.
Can you think of a specific person?
Not off-hand.
Now, think back, sir.
Go way back during the war.
Disgruntled soldier under your command?
A rival?
Jealously over a woman?
No.
Some mentally deranged person?
Nobody.
Nobody in the past, nobody in the present.
That adds up to nobody.
Maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe nobody's trying to kill you.
You know, I've been wrong before.
You know, you can get too complicated.
Bill Haynes was blown up.
Let's keep it simple.
Somebody was trying to blow up Bill Haynes.
What are we beating our brains in for?
At least that way you can sleep easier.
Would you like to try one of quality, for a change?
Well, thank you very much.
Will you join me?
I didn't know you use them.
One a day.
Well, they feel very good.
And they smell very good, too.
Maybe you can use this.
Do you have a first name?
I do.
My wife is about the only one that uses it.
We have similar jobs in a way.
I wear a uniform, you wear a...
I suppose you could call that a uniform.
I used to tell my cadets, you know, all the time... sometimes it's harder to be... a slob than to be neat and tidy and clean.
It's the wars, you see, the wars of nations.
When that stops, hang up the uniform.
I'll hang up my uniform.
I'll go and take care of my backyard.
I got some roses.
White roses.
And I suppose that when people stop abusing each other... you'll hang up your uniform.
This is a first rate cigar.
You have a light?
You didn't really try it yet.
What you were saying...
I talk about that kind of thing with my wife.
She reads a lot.
Excuse me.
Yes.
Mr. Tate for you on line 23, sir.
And Captain Loomis is waiting to see you.
All right. 
I'll take the call on 23 and have Captain Loomis wait.
There's something I want you to see. 
I'm going to get it.
I'll be right back.
Wednesday afternoon. 4:30.
Yes, that will be fine, Mr. Tate.
Let's meet outside the chapel.
Colonel Rumford?
I didn't realize you were alone.
Excuse me for intruding.
I was at your office, Miss Brady... she said you were on an inspection.
I am.
Oh, I thought this was a vacant dormitory.
It is.
I see.
But it will change.
Maybe not this year.
Maybe not next.
But it's going to change, mister.
You can put your money on it.
No more reluctant mama's boys.
No more 4F's, no more Section Eights.
This country is going to have the best damn army in the world.
And Haynes Military Academy will be a part of it.
In that regard...
I wanted to ask you about this blueprint.
Blueprint?
I found it in Mr. Haynes' car.
I'd like for you to take a look at it.
I got to tell you, sir... that I was really confused by this.
I mean, I thought you were building a new gym and...
Of course I couldn't figure out why you were building a new gym... if the enrollment was down and the one you got is only seven years old.
Of course, then it hit me.
This is the same gym only with some renovations.
I didn't authorize any changes.
But Mr. Haynes did.
Or at least he was thinking about it.
But here's the thing.
This locker room, sir, right here.
Do you see that?
I see it.
I've located the showers and the sink... and the stalls.
I mean, I don't want to be indelicate, sir.
But if this is a boys locker room, there's something missing.
You get my point?
No urinals.
That's it, sir.
And when I saw this, it occurred to me that... gee, maybe Mr. Haynes had the idea of permitting girls to come to this school.
William Haynes had some very strange ideas, Lieutenant.
That was one of them.
He used to... run it up the flag pole from time to time, as they say.
Some crackpot scheme for turning this into... a coed junior college.
But it never got further than talk.
Just talk.
Well, you're probably right, sir... but still in all with the board of trustees meeting coming up this week...
I think Miss Brady just mentioned something like that.
I can assure you that if Mr. Haynes had brought up... the subject of a coed school... it would have been turned down flat.
You're certain about it?
Absolutely.
I'm in close touch with every single member of the board... and I have their complete confidence.
In that case, sir...
I guess it wouldn't be necessary for me... to personally check that out with each member of the board?
You'll do what you have to do.
Fall out of there!
Inspection.
Move out, inspection, come on!
Everybody, let's go.
Inspection!
What's happening?
Snap inspection.
All right, gentlemen, attention!
Come on, move it!
It's 3:00 in the morning.
All assembled, sir.
Gentlemen, I realize... that it's early in the day... and this may take some hours.
Hours?
But someone in this dormitory... is fermenting cider.
And no matter how long it takes...
I intend to find the cider... and punish the culprits.
Understood?
Sir, yes, sir!
Understood?
Yes, sir!
Nothing, sir.
Nothing, sir.
Nothing, sir.
We're not lucking out on this, are we?
Nothing, sir.
This is the last room, sir.
It's almost 0400 hours.
The latrine.
Sir?
Search the latrine.
Yes, sir.
Nothing, sir.
Captain.
Sir?
Check.
Sir?
Check the vent.
Check the vent!
Yes, sir.
Anything?
Anything?
Nothing, sir.
Nothing?
Nothing.
They won't get away with this, Loomis.
Everyone here... is on report!
Carry on.
Yes, sir.
Dismissed!
Dismissed!
Hey, clown, what are you doing? 
I thought he found it.
I don't understand it either.
He was looking right at it.
Maybe it's not there.
Of course, it's there, dummy.
I put it there myself.
Maybe somebody else took it.
You going to turn us in, Lieutenant?
No.
But I do want you to do me a favor.
I want to know all there is to know about this cider.
Who, where, and when.
Yes.
Captain Loomis, sir.
Forgive the hour, sir, but it's urgent.
Meet me in the flag pole area... at the parade ground immediately.
It's about the cider, sir.
Cider?
Yes, sir.
It's about the cider.
I think I've got it.
All right.
Is that it, sir?
That's it.
Whoever's in that room, have them fall out and form here.
Go to it.
Yes, sir.
On the double!
Yes, sir!
Have the whole second floor fall out!
Yes, sir!
Do you hear me, Captain?
Yes, sir!
The whole second floor!
Yes, sir!
Do you hear me?
Hey, mister!
Don't touch that!
Don't move till Captain Loomis arrives!
Anyone else in there with you?
No, sir!
You better be right!
What is it, Colonel?
What's happened?
The cider, Lieutenant.
The elusive cider has finally materialized.
I knew it would.
Where'd you find it?
There! 
Up there!
Where are you pointing, sir?
Where are you pointing?
Second floor, fourth window along.
Holy cow, you're right.
There it is.
I gotta say this for you, sir, you never gave up on it, did you?
You got a pretty good pair of eyes.
It's my job to be observant.
So that's how you knew about it. 
You saw it before?
Yes, of course.
When was that, sir?
Gentleman, I'm waiting!
I said when was it that you first spotted the cider, sir?
During last week.
Wednesday or Thursday?
I suppose so.
I'm surprised that you didn't start your investigation the moment you saw it.
That seems to be the way you do things.
Right away.
No delays.
Gentlemen!
You're slow!
You're very slow!
Was it during the day or night, sir?
Hmm, what?
I said can you remember if it was during the day or the night?
Day, of course.
All right, Captain.
Who was it?
Morgan, sir.
Morgan, step forward.
All cadets remain where you are.
Lieutenant.
What the hell is going on here?
That was a lie, Colonel. 
It couldn't have been during the day.
Whoever was involved in the manufacture of liquor... please raise your hands and say, "Me, sir. "
Me, sir.
Was the liquor ever hung out during the day?
No, sir.
Captain Loomis.
Ten hut!
Colonel.
It couldn't have been during the day.
Then it must have been night.
Logic, Lieutenant. 
Logic.
Wednesday night?
Thursday night?
During the week.
No, sir, it was Saturday night.
The night before the explosion that Mr. Haynes was killed.
I wasn't out Saturday night.
Was the cider ever hung out Wednesday or Thursday evenings?
No, sir.
Friday nights?
No, sir!
When was the first time that the cider was hung out?
Saturday night, sir!
Then I'm mistaken.
It must have been Saturday night.
Could you be more specific?
Was it closer to 10:00 or 2:00, or was it later?
Maybe daybreak.
Early Sunday morning like 6:30.
It was impossible to be daybreak... because as you know, Lieutenant...
I was in my quarters asleep... until 6:30 when my Boodle Boy awakened me.
So either you saw it after 6:30 when you got up... or you saw it earlier before you went to bed.
One or the other.
Obviously.
Who's responsible for bringing in the cider early Sunday morning?
Right here, sir.
What time was that?
6:25, sir.
How do you know it was 6:25?
I had to bring it in before reveille... otherwise everybody would see it, sir.
So you couldn't have seen it after you got up because it was no longer there.
And you didn't see it earlier because it was too dark.
I'll tell you when you saw it.
Between 6:15 and 6:25.
During those 10 minutes.
Not a minute earlier, nor a minute later.
Before 6:15, it was too dark.
Daybreak came at 6:15.
And the cider jar became visible.
And it was visible until 6:25... when it was pulled in the window.
And not only did you see it at that specific time, Colonel... but you had to be standing in one specific place.
That's right, sir.
You see, you can't see the window from here. 
The trees cover it.
That's the only place that you can see the window.
You have to be standing directly in back of the cannon.
Should I go on?
Done a very nice job.
You know, I very much wanted to identify that rag immediately.
But I couldn't get it out.
But don't you expect me to be contrite, Lieutenant.
It had to be done.
And I'd do it again tomorrow.
Have you finished with my cadets?
Yes, sir.
Give me a moment.
Gentlemen, I hear reveille.
That means that you have precisely 24 minutes... in which to report to the mess hall for breakfast, correctly attired.
Shoes shined, buttons polished.
Any questions?
No, sir!
Immediately following breakfast... those responsible for bringing cider on this campus... will report to Captain Loomis for disciplinary action.
Captain, dismissed.
Fall out!
Now, let's go. 
Come on.

This film is a homage to Dr. Artur Alves Nogueira born in 1892 and died in 1946.
We gathered aspects of his activity in the coastal coffee region better known as the 'Scorpion Zone'
Where even today traces of his passage remains in the folk memory.
It was based on oral testimonies and documents filmed by Dr. Artur himself, recently released by his widow, Mrs. Grimanesa Le Petit.
At 20, he goes to Europe to study medicine at the Sorbonne.
Son of a rich ambassador, his fate seemed to be a regular worker.
No remarkable fact suggested the astonishing career he'd have after returning to Brazil.
Here, in a few years he'd become the center of phenomena and social fanaticism similar to the Indian messiahs of the colonial period.
In 1922, when Modern Art Week broke out in Sao Paolo, he was just a graduate living in Paris.
His bohemian nature led him to attend the artistic avant-garde, becoming a personal friend and doctor of Picasso, Aragon, Éluard,
Max Ernst and André Breton.
Andre Breton would also include his advice in the Surrealist Manifesto of 1924.
In 1925, he returns to Brazil.
He arrives with European eyes.
Desirous of certain risks in his career he waives an office in Sao Paolo and installs himself as a GP in Rosária do Oeste and in the turbulent coffee region, where, of 600 houses,
100 were brothels.
Fighting against the hostility of a human and natural environment he soon becomes famous as the only surgeon of the region, under the control of Col. João Pinto.
He brings stories from Europe, cubist prints, post cards and devices.
The exoticism of his mild manners gives him a great personal magnetism, making it easier to make friends and influence people.
He introduces the movie camera and for twenty years he records episodes of daily life.
Some of these movies are included in this film.
Privately, he considered his job there a self-flagellation in tropical America.
About the Scorpion Zone...
There's no registry of all economic units.
According to the Colombo report there's an odd overlapping of coffee and sugar cane cycles with gold mining and cattle.
About 80% of the population migrates in the harvest season searching for work.
In the local mythology, the gods have a migratory feature, occupying successively various paradise points.
Col. João Pinto owns 90% of the land and, in the village, is the owner of the grocery store, of the bakery lottery pharmacy, the restaurant the snooker's house barber shop main church cooperative building
the bank and dozens of homes.
Dr. Artur began to collect detailed biographical info about 74 messiahs of the region.
There were hundreds of movements of mystical liberation which reached a quasi-endemic situation.
Land of election, of messiahs and prophets between the cabocla population, they, in the last three centuries, provoked the migration of entire cities from one Zone's extreme to another.
The messiahs interpreted omens and protected men from the attack of natural elements.
They enchanted the hunt and distributed magical power to the needy.
Central Theme:
The search for paradise, a land without evil.
There, the archaic societies would recover their lost traditions.
And would attend again to the creation of living creatures, of islands and tides, of solid lands, of human groups and their institutions.
In Paradise, a supernatural currency was running without heads, or tails.
Money
I want money.
Dr. Artur, very early would begin to suffer physical and mental mutations, leaving the world of work he had built so slowly.
But first, let's examine his daily life.
He made a point of eating like the natives.
Having for lunch two crabs, turtle muscles and eggs, roasted lizard,
Macajuba coconuts, half-rotten buriti fruit, served with a tasty mush of locusts.
At municipal parties
Dr. Artur had to get used to eating the human meat of the enemies, who, before dying, were required to say
"I, your food, am coming"
Human meat was sweet and soft.
The natives didn't have in their language:
F
L
R
So, they couldn't understand the terms
The Faith
The Law and Royalty
Women gave birth alternately to children and small animals.
He was at his creative peak.
In a small pharmaceutical lab he modified the formulae of drugs adapting them to local conditions.
The Precious Dye the Oriental Tonic the specific 'Fatty'
Bristol Pills
English Water
Celestial Balsam and Capivarol, the most famous.
He read from Aristotle and the commentaries on the Koran to the Revue de Médicine Tropicale
He synthesized the famous pills of Dr. Artur of multifunctional activity:
Digestive, calming, purgative, laxative and antiphlogistic.
One day, the idea of an almanac comes to edit a copy of an almanac like Bristol or Capivarol about the Dr. Artur Pills
The rancher João Pinto, business partner ensures the production, distribution and continuity of the work.
His grandson had been cured by the pills.
An archive of letters from ordinary folk about the cures.
For example:
It is fulfilling duty and gratitude that I come to bring to your Lordship this knowledge.
I suffered horribly for nine months, severe pains in the stomach and chest, even to the point of having a consultation for an operation.
Already exhausted, physically and financially,
I let everything run to chance.
One day, reading in the almanacs of this wonderful product,
I decided to try it.
The results were astounding.
Another typical letter:
I must tell you, in the whole world there's no other drug so prodigious, and I swear, anytime, if required, that the Dr. Artur Pills are made by a holy miracle.
I'll always be an admirer and propagandist.
Another letter:
Due to the overwork that my job requires from me
I was struck by a general weakness so profound that I thought death was at hand, making me crazy, without hope, etc, etc, etc and etc
Dr. Artur Hyper-Medicalized the Scorpion Zone, which involved him in a mesh of conspiracies aiming to de-medicalize it.
In the Scorpion Zone, everything is quicksand.
He collaborated in the violent newspapers of the Zone
'The Mirror of Justice'
'The Voice of Reason'
'Letters to the People'
'The Two Liberal Buddies'
'Dr. 
Bloodhound'
'Nurse of the Nutters'
'The New Censor' and 'The Rocket'
Some of them in the Tupi language.
There is little information about his marriage to Grimanesa Le Petit or, rather, which obscure alliance Dr. Artur wanted to make?
Led by her, he founded a rich girls' school
Whose ad said:
"We teach English, French and good manners.
Further:
to make fabric flowers, bead work, candlestick supports, sewing for both sexes.
As well as to play the piano and pan pipe of 13 pipes.
The pupils will have their hearts nourished by love and virtue so that they can dictate the day of their parenthood.
Dr. Artur was happy, felt himself an innovator, but unknown forces began to sabotage his love life.
In the beginning, it was only a simple inability to act aggressively.
He spoke to himself as he would to an almanac reader
"This soft nervousness, this little headache which torments him all those black ideas which bother him, suggest that his intestines are in need of a corrective"
But on April 25th strange symptoms started coinciding with unexpected atmospheric phenomena.
Needles in the body, cold sweats, anxiety and intense diarrhea in the morning.
He immediately loses his ability to distinguish the 13 flavors of coffee.
Crossing the sky of the Scorpion Zone the same comet to which, in 1577, the loss of El Rey Sebastian is attributed.
The astronomer Palatare Navarra y Rocafur comments:
This comet becomes worse each year.
The following week, Dr. Artur worsens generalized tremors, gripes, loss of senses and a state of shock, painful cramps and vertigo.
He misinterprets his symptons as abuse of "Spanish Fly"
that he has eaten as the elixir of youth.
May 1 was the eclipse of the sun
Father Diogo Laines reports:
Dr. Arthur, seeing something so noble as the darkening of the sun against every natural order, explained:
Either God is delusional, or the world machine is crumbling.
Late in May, the symptoms reaches their apex.
Visual disturbances, the so-called 'scintillating scotomatas'
Retention of urine for 24 hours.
Blood from the nose and gums.
A voice tells him:
Defend yourself, or you'll be annihilated.
Amazing growth of hair.
Psychical excitation, resulting sometimes, in intense erotic delirium.
When detained at home he rips all nearby objects.
Frequent bouts of self-mutilation, trying to bite his own buttocks, where, he said, the harmful virus was inoculated.
Some men have to listen carefully although things still don't make sense.
It is unique characters, like Dr. João de Laparilla Duque author of The Warnings of Mrs. Truth
Gaspar Barata de Mendonça, expert on rituals of mummification
Elesbão das Chagas
Corroded by ideas and blue-blooded worms
Plutarco Benimou, mystic, small industrialist.
On July 10 arises the turning point.
At midday
Dr. Artur was inspecting the village with his movie camera amid hallucinations of Euclides da Cunha.
Beasts wrapped in bloody bandages, broken arms in slings crooked legs, feet deformed by swelling, pierced with thorns, breasts sewn with bullets or knitted with knives.
All the traumas and all the miseries.
At five in the afternoon
It was just five in the afternoon.
A boy brought the white sheet at five in the afternoon.
A basket of lime made ready at five in the afternoon.
The rest was death and only death at five in the afternoon.
The wind blew the cotton wool away at five in the afternoon.
And oxide scattered nickel and glass at five in the afternoon.
Now the dove and the leopard fight at five in the afternoon.
And a thigh with a desolate horn at five in the afternoon.
The bass-pipe sound began at five in the afternoon.
The bells of arsenic, the smoke at five in the afternoon.
Silent crowds on corners at five in the afternoon.
And only the bull with risen heart!
at five in the afternoon.
When the snow-sweat appeared at five in the afternoon.
when the arena was splashed with iodine at five in the afternoon.
death laid its eggs in the wound at five in the afternoon.
At five in the afternoon.
At just five in the afternoon.
A coffin on wheels for his bed at five in the afternoon.
Bones and flutes sound in his ear at five in the afternoon.
Now the bull bellows on his brow at five in the afternoon.
The room glows with agony at five in the afternoon.
Now out of distance gangrene comes at five in the afternoon.
Wounds burning like suns at five in the afternoon, and the people smashing windows at five in the afternoon.
At five in the afternoon.
Ay, what a fearful five in the afternoon!
It was five on every clock!
It was five of a dark afternoon!
At 11pm he announces to his friend Gonsalo Anise Bandarra
"I saw Satan fall from heaven like a lightning bolt"
Evidence: 
He displays his back covered with third degree burns with the formation of scabs.
And a pine tree charred and still smoking.
On the shadow of this pine, on May 21, 1888 rested Dom Pedro II,
the imperial family and the imperial entourage, on their way to Curitiba.
It was the last warning.
Dr. Arthur left home and country to preach under the most harmful weather in the Torrid Zone.
And he had the dramatic revelation of his true name:
'Oberá' which means: 'Splendor'.
In his files and recorded tapes he reviewed the history of his precursors in the region.
A supposed São Laurenço who preached imminent universal combustion and organized shows with five thousand settlers confessing in the public square.
El Corregedor, who forced Indians to worship him at the weekend against the wishes of his wife.
His saliva was a powerful ally in the fight against malaria.
He taught the perforation of the nose to eliminate maternal blood, focusing on men.
He was hanged
Dr. Arthur crosses this initial period amid visions.
His fixed idea is:
"The 2000 will not come".
He travels through thought to the land of the illustrious dead and shows an old Europe for generations without vigour.
A specter is haunting Europe
The 2000 will not come.
Only the chosen ones from The Scorpion Zone will escape the ultimate night.
The order is:
Give up all that the foreigner brought.
Nylon thread, cosmetics, canned food, the combustion engine.
To preserve tradition
European food is prohibited.
It produces a diabolical body weight.
The body must be preserved through starvation, until its lightness finds the path to heaven.
His father, The Sun, sent him a daily newsletter with instructions for the government of the world and the restoration of empire.
Dr. Artur memorized everything.
Technical details about the coming flood.
Schedules for the pursuit of earthly paradise.
Fact sheets about present and future foreign kings to overcome.
And a pilgrimage route to the land without evil which the Guaranis have sought since the 16th century.
One of the oldest messianic thefts known happened in 1549.
3000 Tupinambás fled a Jesuit imprisonment in Bahia
Guided by two shamans who claimed to be the creators of sky and thunder.
They tried to cross the South American continent.
The shamans staged dances and prescriptions.
Strict rituals aimed at preserving the culture preserved.
They healed the sick and bald, explained the filigree of the doctrine.
The Indians were dying along the way
They sought the land of heroic immortality.
and everlasting rest.
13 years later, in Xaxapóias, Peru 250 survivors are trapped.
Dr. Arthur made no effort to attract the cangaceiros and fanatics.
He preferred to play with time because time is the key to strategy
He settled on the river in Cari which housed four parishes, protective of lepers.
It was the period of inner purification.
He would be accompanied by a black slave with whom he claimed to have a daughter.
With Lucifer he called himself the Pastor and Captain of the blind nations.
He sends his double, Fortunato Xumbergas, to the sky to extinguish the meteors.
- When you were born?
- July 8
- How many years have you attend the troupe?
- 38 years with Bola Preta's troupe
- And why come out with this fantasy?
- It's a tradition now!
- I've been the standard-bearer of Bola Preta for 25 years...
- And now I'm a clown!
- Very well!
He encourages the Indians to stop working so the plants, henceforth, grew alone, the arrows will hunt animals automatically.
He promises many spicy enemies to devour.
Enemies' rifles will spit water.
When visitors asked him how the people of Europe are, he said:
They are aerial monsters, hairy, with their heads pierced, blurting out tobacco smoke.
They are footless, their nails are a meter in length, they have a velvety body, like bats.
Five years go by.
We find him as Adam putting, into Hebrew, the proper names of all the animals, renaming 15,000 adults.
He healed the sick by shamanism, by blowing on them, and was helped by women whose profession was to suck and lick the aching parts.
He revived the forbidden cult of Jurupari.
With flagellation rituals and the consumption of strongly alcoholic drinks.
Possessed by the gods, some inexperienced sectarians offered themselves in sacrifice by throwing themselves off cliffs in a conspicuous suicide.
The itinerant notary Tutimosis Loposiana, tells that such was the zeal of Dr. Arthur in converting souls that walking from one part to another special measures were necessary to alleviate the traffic of pilgrims in the foothills of Sierra de Ibiapaba.
He assimilated Christ as a civilizing hero of the Tupani type.
And the saints, the sorcerer-healers believed to promote a truly national syncretism.
His hidden desire was to walk through the sky as his contemporary did,
Bartolomeu de Gusmão.
One day the immigration began
The band sought to retrace a centenary rout of Guarani messianism.
The Direction: 
Santa Cruz, north of the Scorpion Zone
In his cohorts they sowed maps of uncharted territories with names of the positivist calendar.
Dr. Arthur went ahead dressed in white and was carried on crossed swords.
40 concubines, chosen from amongst the most healthy surrounded him, singing licentious songs.
He claimed that the statues adored by Christians were disguised statues of his wife, Grimanesa Le Petit.
About her, says Euclides da Cunha, who knew her personally:
Scary megaera, rebarbative witch, the most hideous old woman of these hinterlands, frightening picture of voracious motherhood.
One of her feet is human, the other, animal.
Dr. Arthur wanted his love story on an epic scale.
But he went into secret negotiations with his mistress,
Dorotéia de Gracia Tavarela D'almira, author of the book:
Maxims of virtue and beauty by which Diófanes, Criminéia and Emirena,
Prince of Thebes defeated the hardest moves of doom by imitating the wise Fenelon on his journey to Thelema.
The walk was long, even fatiguing.
The group would still stop to dance, sing and fast, following the ritual in detail.
At times, until the total annihilation of their forces.
On the way, once, they stumbled upon the corpse of a woman strung up, hanging from a tree branch
Dr Artur says:
The gods have made all the trees to give fruit.
Sometimes, to distract them, he'd tell trite jokes from his old almanac like the ones of "professional diseases"
Lawyers have "forumculosis"
Farmers have milk leg
Dancers, pernicious 'akneemia'
Warehouse Clerk, loss of weight
Sailors, 'searrhosis' of the liver
Public officials, sleeping disease
Hunters, elephantiasis
Grammarians, conjunctivitis
Miners, 'coalera'
Jockeys, galloping TB
Players of Billiards, 'biliary' calculations
Sextons, 'bellagra'
Drivers, 'taxicardia'
Soldiers, gunner-ear
Painters, yellow fever.
Dr. Arthur began to demand unconditional worship.
This would tend to hasten the advent of the golden age.
A critical review of Brazilian culture.
During the journey they practiced abortion and infanticide
They would involve themselves in wild discussions on how to interpret The Last Supper.
When crossing rural properties
Dr. Artur needed to unite certain pilgrims who wanted to kill and eat all the baptized children they met en route.
Arriving in Santa Cruz, just to impress, he gives order to construct a shack carpeted with red velvet, with sinks of crystal, alabaster figures and fragrances.
Fifteen maids struggled to clean and take care of the relics.
And the indexing of relics huh?
It has to be a section without emphasis.
Part of the crown of thorns
A piece of wood from The True Cross, the slipper of The Virgin, a bonnet of St. Mary Magdalene.
He ordered supplies in the capital.
Bullets, kerosene, sewing needles, fabrics, coffee, sugar, rum, dried vegetables,
dried beef, flour and soap.
He sold, assisted by a primitive marketing team 1,420 barrels of chestnuts,
300 leopard skins, 30 monkeys,
and 600 parrots already knowing a few french words.
I go straight to the hot spots!
His powers increased.
He believed that he could provoke flooding and the rupture of dykes.
Paralyzing his enemies, disabling them from eating or sleeping
Sometimes he blocked their bowels, thereby impeding them from evacuating.
The power to bring together river banks for crossings and escapes.
The power of drying lagoons and rivers, whose waters'd retreat respectfully under his orders.
He had the power of giving human form to the trunks of trees, to please the fantasies of children.
And the power to freely change his sex, to please his own fantasy.
As the messiah of the Chaco he could describe scenes occurring several miles away, as if he was watching a movie.
He claimed to have captured Halley's comet and the drought of 1910 in a vase, so he'd release it at the right time.
to destroy the Christians.
His miracles were growing.
There were so many candidates that the proposals for salvation had to be referred in a sealed envelope.
He acquired rights:
The right to steal, to rape.
The right of prey.
The inhabitants paid agricultural tributes in exchange for material and spiritual protection.
Alongside were served 30,000 daily soups.
But the Devil was not satisfied with certain excesses, inadmissible within their moral and legal standards.
And then the hostilities against Dr. Artur began.
Under the direction of a Franciscan with abscesses, intestinal worms and pustules on his face,
The 'Neophytes', catechumens from the mission near Abapa gave the first skirmishes against the troops of Dr. Arthur.
Result:
80 pilgrims die beheaded by ax and 580 deserted.
On January the first
The obscure St. Zataualpa receives sudden divine inspiration and shouts that Dr. Artur is nothing but a carnival king.
He establishes a mysterious brotherhood of vigilantes.
Then begins
The Holy War of the Scorpion Zone.
Accompanied by 50 Gaúchos immunized against bullets,
He invades the hideout of the treasure accumulated by the Nogueira family and in a burst of xenophobia he captures and burns alive all the women and children.
Colonel João Pinto enters the war against his former partner, launching himself, an edition of the almanac, exposing Dr. Artur to ridiculous anecdotes and denouncing the illegal practice of witchcraft.
And this coincides with the great stock market crash in New York.
A climate of despair and demoralization.
Don Tomé de Alarcão, registrar of Calicut, measured Nogueira's zone of influence.
Rio Vermelho village:
Isolated groups of archers killed the mayor while the shops are invaded by crazy chavs with knives and sticks.
São Pedro do Sabóia village:
founded by Mendes Sá in 1558, plagued by smallpox.
People try to save the smuggling of Japanese electronics.
Santiago village:
occupied by hungry cannibal Princes, who, in the absence of human flesh eat the forbidden turtle and have their livers explode.
Bom Jesus de Tataquara village:
Depreciation of acrylic objects, illuminated signs, residential complexes in the jungle.
The poet mayor is electrocuted by his electric typewriter while writing a sonnet on the Paulo Afonso Falls.
Against Dr. Artur the blood cortege is made, leaving the convent of the barefoot.
The Viceroy went unshod with a rope around his neck and the lady Viceroy asking God for mercy.
His courtiers, with bones and bits in their mouths and daunting blood penitences.
The gentlemen and plebeians followed, with the clerks, their shaven heads covered with ashes, and robes of sackcloth and herbs.
For his part, Dr. Arthur makes the sacrifice of a loom whose ashes are spread by the wind to cause the dispersion of enemy gatherings.
In his mouth, a piece of rock crystal.
Malaria, tuberculosis and alcoholism raged in Santa Cruz.
On the last day he was caught explaining to Indian boys that in the Tower of Babel there were 72 languages while in the Babel of the Amazon River over 150 are already known.
He hung on a tree eating raw and disgusting meat, a dog's ear, snake's tail and slugs.
He cried... eyes so swollen that they looked like two breasts.
Robledo López, a mestizo sucks a feather from a bird from paradise and becomes invisible, managing to escape the area to bring information to the Earl of Ficalho and to the noble Marquis Don Luiz de Souza de Telo Menezes,
who tightens the enclosure.
Four old men I met in 1955 survivors of the Ivú region and who had been supporters of Dr. Arthur, tell that his wife, Grimanesa Le Petit, of whom the couple was the only stable reality, disguised by a mechanical head
with beard, mustache and moving chin, invented by the famous Venetian Bustefanini, in a fit of jealousy, which had nothing to do with the struggles, killed her husband with 35 bullets to the head, a number which suggests that she was helped by others.
In February, in the middle of Carnival his corpse is revealed.
Lying in the cottages near to Matara.
Under a small layer of earth, the sad sudarium of a sheet is revealed, the body of the infamous and barbarous doctor.
It was hideous.
The head tormented with a crown, hands and feet with spikes the back with lash marks.
His hair was plucked, the skin abraded, veins ripped, and nerves stretched.
Bones disjointed, the blood, shed.
He was carefully unearthed, and then photographed.
They decided to cut and store his head, so many times damned.
They brought that skull to the coast for science to have the last word.
There, in the relief of his cerebral convolutions scientists have found the essential lines of Crime and Madness.
Subtitles: neither

[Music playing]
NARRATOR: 
I learned to fly a plane.
I lost interest in it.
Water skiiing.
I lost interest in it.
But, uh, this is something you don't conquer.
Anything that can fight to the death
And not utter a sound, well.
The person that puts the most and works the hardest
Is supposed to win.
And usually that's the way it comes out.
The drive in it is to be the best.
[Chickens clucking]
We call it sharpness.
When you can hit that peak.
When that bird is at his best, then he'll win for you,
Because you make your luck.
I can pick out the best bird by his conformation,
His bone structure.
But I can't look into his heart and tell you how game he is.
[Radio stations playing]
You know what you said in your sleep last night?
You said, Randy, you mother.
I'm gonna kick your shit ass clear across this room.
You remember that?
Who's Randy?
You can't fool me.
If you can talk when you're asleep,
You can talk when you're awake.
I just want you to know I know it.
[Chickens clucking]
[Cock crowing]
[Chickens clucking]
[Chickens clucking]
That's some mighty Sandspur, huh.
Well, what kind of money we talking about this hack?
What, $100?
Shit.
I figured on taking you for at least $1,000.
I'm risking my $200 ace against you $100 bet.
Uh, I don't know.
I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll put up another $900
Against your car and trailer.
Even money.
[Cock crowing]
That's the car and trailer plus the $100, OK?
I'll catch you later.
FRANK (VOICEOVER): 
When I was doing to Sandspur's bill
Wasn't exactly illegal, but I didn't feel too proud about it.
Only wanted to boost the betting odds by making the gamblers
Think that Sandspur's bill was cracked.
$750.
They want this all on Sandspur.
Forget it.
You know I can't get a four to one bet.
Cracked bill?
Hell.
Now I don't know who to bed, you or Burke.
Maybe I'll be able to get some out.
Five pounds, two ounces, even.
You handling Jack?
No, Ralph's going to handle him.
He's about half pounds over, you're going
To have to cut away, Frank.
Uh he can have the half pound.
He can have shit, you know there's no two ounce leeway.
Official SCT hack.
What I meant was, uh, it don't make no never mind to me.
It makes a difference to the better, Jack.
Five two, even.
See that, Jack?
He's got a cracked beak.
Yeah?
Well if I'd known he had a cracked bill
I'd give you some odds.
Who wants to call it?
Tails it is.
That's a short guess.
Set him low and outside there.
What was that?
[Banjo music playing]
FRANK (VOICEOVER): 
Burke was a long gaff man,
But I preferred the short heels.
Sandspur was a cutter and all the best would short gaffs.
I mean David was used to long, three-inch heels.
By me winning the toss, I'd given Sandspur
A slight advantage over little David.
Ladies and gentleman, this is an extra hack between Mr. Jack
Burke, Burke's Farm, Mr. Frank Mansfield, Mansfield Farms,
Decatur.
The official southern conference hack, no time limit, no draw,
Both birds with short gaffs.
Mr. Ralph Hansen will handle for Mr. Burke.
[Crowd shouting]
That's enough.
[Crowd shouting]
Handle.
[Crowd shouting]
Get ready.
[Crowd shouting]
Hit.
[Crowd shouting]
Handle.
[Crowd shouting]
Get ready.
[Crowd shouting]
Handle.
That broken beak lost your bird his pecker power, Frank.
The winner is Mr. Burke.
[Crowd cheering]
[Cheerful music playing]
Well, got it all down, Frank, yours and mine, three to one.
Great Sandspur, game but lame.
You ought to give up this shit, Frank.
Well, don't look for me in Milledgeville this year.
I was getting ready to wash them.
[Gasps]
[Knock on door]
I never heard of anybody so mean they'd take a family's
Mobile home away from them.
Now, little lady, we made a bet,
You see, and we shook hands on it.
Nobody shook my hand.
What about me, what happens to me?
No, I don't know about that, Frank.
I got, I got me a lady friend up in Kissimmee.
Uh, little, little David'll meet
Any challenges, any five two challenges
You want to show against him.
Only put your money where your mouth is in Milledgeville.
[Cheerful music playing]
Frank!
Please take me with you.
Please Frank.
How will I staying with old Mr. Burke?
He must be 40 years old.
[Cheerful music playing]
FRANK (VOICEOVER): 
I felt sorry for her in a way.
But I didn't worry about her.
She was pretty and young.
A good lay.
Hell, she'd get by anywhere.
Piss on her and the horse she rode in on.
[Cheerful music playing]
That's an old trick you tried today, Frank.
I've done it myself and I've gotten away with it, too.
The trick, you see, is not to cut the groove too deep.
If you cut too deep, it's liable to cost
You your car and trailer.
Two years ago, this medal could have been in your hand.
But you had to shoot your mouth off and lose
The bird you needed to win.
I've got the finest five pound chicken alive, Jack.
Right here in my hands.
The very finest.
You want to know something, boy?
I am the finest trainer and conditioner in the whole world.
And my bird here, he can beat anything you got to show, man.
Anything.
Anything.
Hey listen, I'm, I'm getting tired of listening to you
Brag, Frank, goddammit.
Why don't you put some money where your mouth is right now.
C'mon, Frank's just talking.
Jack, it's 2 o'clock in the morning.
No, no, no, no, wait a minute, he's
Been doing all the god damn bragging, let's see
A little action now, all right?
No, we're going to find out right now, OK?
$200, flat out, no odds.
$200? 
$200 even, OK, give your money to Lucille.
All right Lucille, keep the change, sweetie.
[Chicken clucking]
You ready?
Do it, let's go.
OK, bill them up.
Get ready.
Hit them!
[Sinister music playing]
Jack wins, Frank.
Have you got another five pound rooster you
Can use in the derby tomorrow?
It's too bad, Frank.
Now you'll have to withdraw from the derby,
Which means you ain't got a fighting
Chance for the medal this year.
You got two little faults, Frank.
You drank too much and you talk too much.
FRANK (VOICEOVER): 
Yeah.
I ought to keep my mouth shut.
I am.
I'm going to keep my mouth shut until I win that medal.
I'll tell them to stick it up their ass.
All those sons of bitches.
It's 5:30.
You gonna sleep all day?
Come on out the yard.
We can have breakfast later.
[Cock crowing]
[Cock crowing]
Except for these battered greys,
White Lightning here's the only game cock I've got left.
Haven't fought him yet.
Just about everything I've ever learned about breeding's
Gone into this one.
And when the time comes, he'll out cock and out shuffle
Every game cock in the South.
FRANK (VOICEOVER):
If a cock's legs
Hang down in perfect alignment with his body,
He's a close hitter.
This cock's legs were perfect.
You want this chicken, Frank?
He's yours, then.
For $500.
I know the price is unreasonable.
But pay me, and you can take him.
I wouldn't be selling him if I hadn't promised
Martha I'd quit cock fighting.
He's yours when you bring the money.
Go out and have some breakfast, and I'll drive
You down to the bus station.
[Cheerful music playing]
FRANK (VOICEOVER):
Where did want to go?
The lease on my Decatur farm had two more years to run,
And it was all paid up.
But without any game file and, uh,
Without any funds to buy any, wasn't
Any point in going out there.
First thing I had to do was get some money.
Frank!
You devil.
You would have to catch me looking like this.
Well, stop grinning like an ape sit down, I'll feed you.
Coffee's all ready.
You may have lost your voice, but you can still write.
We haven't heard from you in six months.
Well if it ain't the junior bird man.
Welcome home, bubba.
How long you gonna stay?
The, uh, enigmatic response Frank.
I suspect, uh, you've come home to collect
That honest debt I owe you?
Too bad, bubba, because I have a hard time raising $25,
Let alone $2,500.
But it's your house, so, you're welcome to stay
As long as you like.
Would you like a job, honey?
Uh uh.
FRANK (VOICEOVER):
my old room was
At the end of the front hall next to the bathroom.
Nothing had changed much in two years
Except for all the junk that had been stored in there.
Things sure have a way of getting
Out of place after a time.
Frank, you busy?
There's somebody here to see you, Frank.
And I bet you can't guess who.
At least you could put your shoes on.
He's on his way.
Still his gentle, warm-hearted self.
Come on in the kitchen, Randall.
What for?
[Car honking]
She's pretty quick on the horn, is she all right out there?
She's fine.
[Music playing]
[Car honking]
It's just mama.
It's the nurses' day off, I have to drop her by Mrs. Roswell's.
When I mentioned your name, you should have seen her face,
She got all excited.
I know she remembers.
Frank!
My goodness, what do you think I am, the welcome wagon?
I haven't seen you in six months,
And you expect... 
I don't know what you expect.
It's hard to get inside of a stone wall's head.
Francis said there was a chance you
Might decide to stay this time.
Is there any truth to that wild rumor?
Joe Lee asked me to marry him.
Got myself a piece of land.
Joe Lee gets me, he's getting a bargain.
[Music playing]
I told him I'd give him and answer.
[Music playing]
[Car honking]
You hungry?
Want to get a hamburger or something?
Was getting kind of hungry myself.
Mama?
You remember Frank, he was one of your favorites.
He was everybody's favorite.
I ever tell you about Johnny Erwin?
Boy who peed on the wall in study hall?
Teacher wouldn't let him go the bathroom.
So he kept raising his hand, saying, teacher, I
Can't hold it, I ain't kidding.
So finally, she wouldn't let him go to the bathroom
After 30 minutes, and he just got
Up, walked back to the corner, and peed on the wall.
She took him down to the principal's office,
And Mr. Tomlin says, son, you are expelled.
And he says, I don't give a shit, I'mma join the Marines.
He did!
He jumped, he jumped in his '52 Chevy,
And started out to San Diego, and then
When he got to New Mexico, he ran into a bridge post
And killed himself.
He never would have made Marine, anyway, I maintain.
I think it was suicide.
You know what it proves?
The value of self control.
If he hadn't had to pee, he'd be alive today.
Just like you and cock fighting.
Something over which you have absolutely no self control.
I want.
I want to get married and have children.
I wanna have them here where we both have roots.
I'm not going to marry you and live some old game
Cock farm in Decatur.
I'm not going to wait for you forever.
I waited long enough.
[Music playing]
[Car honking]
Jake, would you please tell me what's going on here?
Good morning, Mr. Mansfield, we're here to move your house.
Frank, what's happening?
Randy!
What's going on?
What are they doing?
They've come for the house.
Frank sold it.
Well he can't do that.
Can he?
You better call you daddy and tell him he's having company.
[Playful music]
Put it away.
No game cock's worth $500.
I'm sick of game fowl anyway.
Let's go get your rooster.
Those two battered greys are in fine feather again.
You can have the hen, too.
Can't you wait till Frank finished his breakfast?
I'm not rushing him.
I can get you a good deal on a dozen Melhorn blacks,
If you're interested.
[Playful music]
I got the wire.
Mr. Omar, he helped me get the Melhorns last night
From the Express Depot.
White Lightning.
Mighty pretty bird, Mr. Frank.
He's soft now, but he won't be long.
[Cocks crowing]
Those Melhorn blacks look awfully good, Frank,
But we had to water them at the station.
The baggage people must be afraid to water chickens
En route.
This here ace I don't know about him.
[Chickens clucking]
Yeah, I can see his high spurs, but he's an ace cock.
That is one game chicken.
I guess I'm pretty good, huh Frank?
Nothing else to do, I reckon.
I don't know, Buford.
That was a $75 rooster with two wins already.
I'd have pitted him in the [inaudible] pit first.
He'd be tough all right.
But Mr. Frank, he say when a bird got high spurs like that,
He miss more than he hits.
So?
When did he tell you that?
There's a lot of things I don't like about cock fighting,
But it's a business.
You're either in or you're out.
And I'm all the way into cock fighting.
Frank, you and I need each other.
Why don't we form a partnership, just for the season.
Wait, before you answer me, think it over for a day or two.
If you conditioned and handled, and I took
Care of the business details.
Well let it go for now.
But bear in mind, I'm filthy with capital.
Well, no matter what you decide, why don't you
Come over for dinner tonight.
I'll take that high-spurred rooster home with me.
Tonight you and I'll feast on stewed
Melhorn black and dumplings with a bottle of Pouilly-Fuisse.
Stewed chicken for two, $37.50 a plate!
[Laughing]
[Cock crowing]
Farmer says I gotta get a young rooster in here
And shake up these hens.
So the old rooster hears him say that.
Farmer drops a young rooster in there we're and the old rooster
Says I gotta tell you something about staying in condition.
He says, c'mon with me.
He says, we're going to run around this cockhouse about
Three times.
You've gotta stay in condition if you're
Going to take over this barnyard and take care of these hens.
He said, I'll show you something.
Then well she says OK.
He says, now you follow me.
First we'll crow, we'll wake up the farmer, c'mon.
He says, OK.
So he goes [imitates cock crowing]
Like that, and the young one goes [imitates cock crowing]
The farmer wakes up and he's looking out the window
And the old rooster keeps raising like that.
He's looking back over his shoulder
And the young rooster is six paces behind him, see.
And the old farmer takes one look, and he picks up a shotgun
And he goes, blam!
And he knocks off the young rooster.
And he goes, dammit.
That's the third faggot rooster I had this week.
[Laughs] Whaddya say, Frank?
Partners?
For the season?
Partners!
Oh, baby.
You'd better stay out late tonight because we got
An early start in the morning.
[Cheerful music]
FRANK (VOICEOVER): 
Like people, every game cock
Has to be handled differently.
You know, a chicken's brain's about the size of a BB,
But within those brains, there's an infinite variety
Of character and personality traits.
The game cock is the most stupid creature on earth,
And the most intelligent fighter.
I ran the cocks.
The game cock has to fight fast.
And the running strengthens his legs.
I ran them 20 times the first day, 30 second, increasing the number of runs 10 a day
Until they reach 100.
Now he can run like a striped-ass ape.
[Cock crowing]
Well if all that doesn't bother him,
He can fight in Times Square on New Year's Eve.
How you getting along with Frank since he stopped talking?
Hell.
I like him better now.
Before his big mouth lost him the cock
Fight of the end medal?
He was on to my tail all the time.
Buford do this, Buford do that.
Now he do what he has to do and I do what I do.
Everything's nice and quiet.
[Chickens clucking]
[Crowd shouting]
MAN: 
Hit him where it hurts!
[Crowd shouting]
MAN: 
He'll never make it now
REFEREE: 
Get ready.
Hit.
MAN: 
Kick it up!
Get Ready!
[Crowd shouting]
[Crowd shouting]
My cock was bored, how could he be a runner?
A runner's a cock that runs, Omar.
Pete wins, dammit.
Y'all's cock left the pit.
Pete.
He was confused.
He wanted to get back to the pit,
He just forgot where it was.
You heard what the referee said.
Yeah, I heard him.
[Crowd chattering]
Mr. Mansfield?
Saw you 52 up on the board.
Our roosters won two fights this year.
[Chickens clucking] Least the guy I bought him from
Said he won two fights.
I'd like to bet you $25 even money.
Hm?
[Chickens clucking]
You got yourself a bet, son.
You're going to have to fight him short heel.
Got a pair?
I ain't got no heels.
Yeah, no problem, I'll lend you a pair.
Want me to heal them for you?
No, I don't need nobody to heel them for me,
I heel lots of birds.
This here's and extra hack.
Mr. Mansfield's white against Junior's grey.
Both birds weigh 5.2, fighting in short heel.
Bill them up.
[Crowd shouting]
That's enough.
Flush your birds.
Flush her one time.
Flush her.
On your score.
Hit!
[Crowd shouting]
[Cock crowing]
Foul!
[Shouts]
Whaddya mean, foul!
You stuck your finger up that cock's ass!
I was told if you stick your finger up there
And rub his balls a little bit, then it
Puts some life in your chicken.
Will, tell me something.
You still got access to FBI files?
I'll tell you how the FBI feels about me.
Recently, they took my name off the roster of ex-agents.
So now, not only am I not an agent, I'm not even an ex-agent.
Is it possible to kill somebody and make it look like a heart attack?
Sure. 
They got a pill for it. 
PEP.
- PEP?
- Pulmonary Embolism Pill.
It creates an embolism, but the actual cause of death is biochemical.
The man ends up looking like his heart attacked him.
- What do you know?
- I don't know.
Come on, what do you know?
What I know is I need a good alias and a good ID.
What kind of ID?
- I've gotta be a hostile misfit.
- For that, you don't need an ID.
- Still got friends on the El Monte force?
- Before we get to El Monte...
The minute you know what's going on, I wanna know. 
Promise me.
I promise.
All right, I think I got a guy for you.
Sunshine Homes hired me to investigate him when he was doing a night-watchman job for 'em. 
He's a real nut.
- Richard Partun.
- Richard Partun?
Get a fake ID for him, too.
Make it look like he's hiding something.
If they investigate the first, they'll be less careful on the second.
You should look like a guy who's ashamed of something.
- Let's make him a weenie wagger.
- A weenie wagger?
Anybody would be ashamed of that.
Besides, you look a bit like a flasher.
Hold on to your neighbour,  it's happy hour in Salmontail. 
We're here to play a little music and have a lot of fun. 
This boy goes into a bar down in Texas, see.
He goes up to the bartender and he says, "Give me 12 bourbon and waters."
The bartender goes, "That's a lot of bourbon and waters." He says...
No, I'll catch it.
- Think your date just come in.
- I think you're terrible.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- My name's Gale. 
What can I fix you?
- I...
How about a Martini?
You know what they say about Martinis?
A Martini is like a woman's breast - one ain't enough and three is too many.
- That's an amazing joke, Gale.
- Yeah, it is. 
What can I get you?
- Just a glass of milk.
- You're the healthy type, huh?
How are you?
Can I buy you a drink, Miss?
For a moment, I thought you were a man.
- But you aren't, are you?
- No, I'm a girl.
Why don't you go over there and tell those people, real loud?
Don't touch me unless you love me.
I told you to go over there to that table and tell those people who you really are.
You don't want me to ask you again.
Come on, get up. 
I'll buy you a drink.
Come and sit down. 
You're all right, son.
You wouldn't be offended if I call the police?
No, but you don't have to call far, because Red's a deputy.
I'm the sheriff.
You got some interesting ideas about law enforcement.
Shoulda stopped the fight. 
I would have, but I dearly love seeing Red get stomped.
- He's your deputy?
- He's my sister's boy.
He's so damn mean, he can't get along with anybody.
He's a real turkey. 
You move his plate five inches, he's gonna starve to death.
He's all right. 
He does that all the time.
This is Gale, this is Shirley.
You met Red.
Now, where you from, son?
Jesus.
Your friend Austin Tucker's long gone.
Did he think that Bridges' drowning wasn't an accident?
- I don't know. 
What do you think?
- That's the river, that's the dam.
Open that dam and that water comes down like a wall.
If you're standing where Bridges was, you're gonna drown.
Isn't there a warning system or does the power company love a surprise?
They got sirens and bells and signs all over the place and they got a watchman.
- There might be just something there.
- Where?
The watchman. 
Buster Hinton.
Nah! 
Hell, I've known Buster for a long time.
I got no reason to doubt him.
No, go ahead.
This might not have anything to do with anything, but old Buster showed up with a brand new shotgun.
- Maybe we ought to talk to him.
- I'd like to do it kinda casual.
He's up at the dam in the afternoons.
I'll take you to where it happened.
You could do some fishing.
- Come up with anything?
- Nothing but fish. 
You?
I've found out a couple of things, but...
Here, I've brought you some lunch.
You are aces with me.
Look at this! 
What did you find out?
- That's the warning, huh?
- Yeah, that's it.
Bridges couldn't hear that?
My mother could've heard it and she's dead.
LD, what's the news on your friend Buster?
Actually, there is no Buster.
Yeah? 
Gale! 
You want LD?
Drowned in what?
The car's right out front.
You gotta be kidding.
Who found the body?
Charley, somebody's broken into LD's house and stole his car. 
Get to the intersection and cut him off. 
OK, Red, we're on our way. 
We got him cut off. 
You've been drinking again, haven't you?
Tell the truth, Joe.
Come in, Stanley.
The thought of covering that council meeting was too much for you, wasn't it?
Close the door.
Somebody's systematically knocking off witnesses and you don't care.
Sure I care. 
I care about my kids' future, this newspaper, my golf handicap.
I've even been known to care about you, you ungrateful bastard.
Drink your coffee.
Here. 
Take it! 
Shit.
Joe, what evidence have we got?
A girl who died of pills and booze, a sheriff you say tried to kill you
- And the poor bastard drowns.
- I got a bank book with $107,000 in it.
- The police are after me.
- Why is there no APB on you?
I checked. 
They say it was an accident.
- They don't wanna answer questions.
- You're damn right.
Sheriff LD Wicker and two deputies were indicted three months ago on a utilities scandal.
It was in every paper in the North-West.
He knew you were a reporter, but it wasn't any national conspiracy he was covering up.
Remember catching the state senator's bagman and it was his nephew's bookie?
You're gonna make a real horse's ass of yourself.
He didn't know I was a reporter. 
I didn't tell him, I didn't give him my name.
- Did you register at a hotel?
- Yeah, under a phoney name.
Boy, you amaze me. 
You go expecting these things to happen and they do.
Just advance me two weeks' salary.
- For what?
- I gotta find Austin Tucker.
If anybody knows about this, he does.
I won't advance you a dime.
I don't care if your self-serving ambition gets you the Pulitzer prize.
I'm not gonna have anything more to do with it.
- Joe...
- Can't help it.
I know.
Good shot. 
Good shot. 
You got a point.
Not bad, Riggsy.
- That's good. 
Hey, babe, you're all right.
- Winning, huh?
Winning? 
I'm beating the shit out of him.
I'm Schwartzkopf, this is Riggs.
Harry Nelson. 
The Psych department gave those vocational tests to you?
I'll go and get those tests.
We establish a centre for the study of violence, they send us every nut in town.
- They get mean?
- Yeah. 
Vicious.
One of them bit the ear off a colleague of mine.
It was OK, though, we sewed it back on. 
Most of it.
I'm glad about that.
I'm not sure whoever made this knew what they were after.
How you doing, Ernie?
It seems to be directing at trying to pull out anger, repression, frustration, stuff like that.
Could it pick up potentially homicidal characteristics?
You mean a killer? 
Yeah, sure.
Would you be willing to go through it and tell me what answers would come from a highly violent personality?
Yeah, but it probably wouldn't do much good.
This stuff's pretty sophisticated.
It's a lot different than my stuff.
It's not any better, but it would be a difficult...
Fuck it. 
We'll let Ernie take it.
He'll blow 'em right off the graph.
He hacked up his great-aunt and killed two ticket-takers.
Ernie?
Come here, boy.
I'd like you to meet somebody.
What's your name again?
Nelson. 
Harry Nelson.
Harry Nelson, Ernie.
Joe Frady? 
Looking for Austin Tucker?
D'you wanna see him?
Leave your car here.
- I have to do a skin search.
- A what?
You're gonna strip and I'm gonna search you.
- Are you out of your fucking mind?
- That's the way Mr Tucker wants it.
And if I don't see you, you don't see him. 
All right?
All right, Mr Frady, who sent you to look for me?
- Nobody sent me.
- Now, look...
I've come 1,300 miles to get a straight answer to that question.
- My life is in danger just being here.
- Who really sent you?
- Nobody sent me.
- Keep your voice down.
Nobody sent me. 
I'm a writer...
Stop acting like you're on The New York Times.
You're a third-rate journalist from Oregon or wherever the hell you're from.
You've been asking about things you know nothing about.
There were two attempts made on my life.
I don't know what you want, but if it's money I'll give you $10,000 to keep me out of it.
You don't mention my name or come looking for me.
All I want is to stay out of it.
Money means nothing to me. 
This story's gonna mean more to me than $10,000.
Fella, you don't know what this story means.
We better talk.
Have you seen this photograph?
It was taken on the Space Needle that day.
There's me, Lee, Bridges...
You know that man?
- The waiter?
- Yeah. 
You know his name?
- No, why?
- Just curious.
Lee, Bridges, Joy Holder. 
Lutz.
Herbie.
Who would have thought?
Sorry, Bill, I didn't mean to scare you.
You're supposed to be dead.
Goddammit. 
You could have called me.
I was scared shitless they'd think I was still alive.
- You mean nobody knows?
- Nobody but you.
- Hey, Bill, what's that?
- Tomorrow's lead.
I'm demanding a reopening of the Carroll investigation.
- Who are you calling?
- The police, FBI, CIA, somebody.
Bill... don't do it.
You suggesting they're involved?
Or that they covered up?
There is a bureaucratic tendency to cover up mistakes, but I got no reason to think any governmental agency was in on it.
Or if they were, that they knew it.
You don't have to infiltrate the whole agency.
It's not only to do with the Carroll assassination.
Whoever's behind this is in the business of recruiting assassins.
Recruiting assassins?
I think I got some of their entrance exams. 
If I'm right, I'm gonna enlist.
If you print anything now, I'll be exposed.
You alone can uncover what all the agencies couldn't?
Maybe. 
I'm just asking you not to print anything until I get more evidence.
You'll blow my chance to find out who's behind it.
- What do you expect me to print?
- My obituary.
I wanna pre-date a will, name you as executor.
Pick up my things, give them to the Salvation Army.
Make a big show out of it.
I'm dead and I wanna stay that way for a while.
It's about $340. 
It's all I've got here.
You're gonna need the money.
Hope you know how to take care of yourself.
I hope you do. 
You're gonna be the only person who knows what I'm doing.
- Who is it?
- Richard Paley? 
- Who is it?
- Are you Richard Paley? 
Who?
Who wants him?
Congratulations.
You had some very interesting scores on the first series of tests for Parallax.
- Testing for what?
- The Parallax Corporation.
You did apply for our training, didn't you?
Oh, Christ, that.
As you know, Parallax receives demands from all phases of industry.
Demands for unusual personnel.
If you qualify, and we think that you can, we're prepared to offer you the most lucrative and rewarding work.
- What do you get out of it?
- We receive a sort of finder's fee.
As I said, the jobs are difficult to fill.
- How tall are you?
- Six-two.
- What kind of jobs you talking about?
- Whatever you're cooking is burning.
You might as well come in.
I'm Jack. 
Jack Younger.
But we like to be on a first-name basis with potential candidates.
You look taller than six-two.
What does my height have to do with anything?
Put some ice on it.
It'll stop the sting and the blister.
Your tests suggest that you have remarkable talents.
- What do you mean by "talents"?
- You have difficulty holding on to a job.
I just don't like to take a lot of shit, so people say I got antisocial tendencies.
Has it ever crossed your mind that it's everybody else's problem that they don't get along with you?
- Why?
- The very quality that gets you in trouble makes you potentially invaluable.
- What's that?
- Your aggressiveness.
I don't wanna intrude on you while you're eating.
Get in touch with me personally if you'd like to go further.
It's been a pleasure, Richard.
Welcome to the testing room of the Parallax Corporation's Division of Human Engineering. 
You will now please cross to the chair. 
And you will sit down. 
Make yourself comfortable. 
Be sure to place each one of your hands on the box on either side of the chair,  making sure that each one of your fingers is on one of the white rectangles. 
Just sit back. 
Nothing is required of you,  except to observe the visual materials that are presented. 
Be sure to keep your fingers on the box at all times. 
All right. 
We hope you find the test a pleasant experience. 
Will you please proceed to our offices? 
Thank you for your cooperation. 
Senator, here's an editorial even you can't figure out.
Your drink, Senator Gillingham.
This comparison between you and Carroll is nonsense.
Sorry, sir, you'll have to go back to coach.
Point is, he doesn't like Hammond any better than he likes you.
Your name, sir?
- Paley. 
Richard Paley.
- Is that P-A-I-L-E-Y?
- No, it's P-A-L-E-Y.
- Will you be returning with us?
- Is Denver your final destination?
- Yeah.
That'll be $68.64.
$68.64?
Out of $70.
- What would you like to drink?
- Just a Coke.
Excuse me. 
Ma'am?
Would you like something to drink?
Attention. 
Due to technical difficulties,  we will be returning to Los Angeles. 
We regret any inconvenience this may cause you. 
Passengers disembarking from Globe Airlines flight 451 will be met by airport security. 
We regret any further delay that may be caused by the investigation. 
All efforts will be made to have you airborne again quickly. 
Passengers disembarking from Globe Airlines flight 451 will be met by airport security. 
We regret any further delay that may be caused by the investigation. 
Hello.
We've already received an offer for your services. $25,000 a year.
- Who from?
- Manufacturers Intelligence Group.
Never heard of them.
They work out of the Hammond building in Atlanta.
- What do they want me to do?
- Work in their security programme.
- Sounds good to me.
- Good.
Just one more thing.
What's that?
Who are you?
- Who am I?
- You're not Richard Paley.
Your service records don't check.
They don't?
There was a Richard Paley in the 1 st Air Cavalry, but he's dead.
- Gee, I'm sorry to hear that.
- So were we.
Who are you?
I don't have to tell you. 
You're not a cop.
I was getting attached to you.
I wouldn't step outside that door.
We simply have to know.
All right.
My name's Richard Partun.
Why did you want us to think you were Richard Paley?
I needed a job. 
I got into a little difficulty in El Monte a couple of months ago.
What kind of difficulty? 
It's important.
I was drinking in this bar and...
I used to drink a lot.
Next thing I know, I'm running around a laundromat with no clothes on.
Some old lady claimed I was trying to...
- You know, molest her.
- Were you?
I don't know. 
I don't remember what I was doing there, nothing.
All I know is that they arrested me for...
indecent exposure.
A thing like that follows you around.
Try to get a job, you're a sex offender.
- I'm no sex offender.
- No, I'm sure you're not.
I think they put something in my beer that made me take off my clothes.
If that's all there is to it, we'll check it out with the El Monte police.
It'll be no problem... 
Richard.
I've tried to be a friend to you, haven't I?
At Parallax, I've found that people who have had real trouble in their lives, so-called antisocial people, if I can earn their loyalty, I can give them a sense of their own worth.
That's very rewarding, believe me.
I honestly think, with your nature, you're more reliable for security work than any semi-retired ex-FBI agent they can come up with.
In a risk situation, I believe you'll go right down the line.
That's something money can't buy.
You're invaluable, Richard.
- ... ex-FBI agent they can come up with. 
- Oh, come on, Frady.
... I believe you'll go right down the line. 
That's something money can't buy. 
You're invaluable, Richard. 
Come in, Stanley.
There you are.
You're new, aren't you? 
Thanks.
It must have been 5.30.
That's when I come to clean the office.
- There he was.
- All the signs of a massive coronary.
- D'you know if he had a heart condition?
- I don't know.
Trusting man. 
He didn't even lock the drawer he kept his money in.
I'm very pleased with you.
Tomorrow, you'll meet with the other member of your team, Ben Harkins.
He'll have your assignment.
I just...
What name am I supposed to use?
Richard Partun.
Don't worry, he knows all about you.
Good.
Good afternoon. 803, isn't it?
The guy that just checked in, is his name Ben?
I can't remember his last name.
Harkins. 
It's Mr Ben Harkins.
816, right down the hall from you.
Ben Harkins, please. 
Ben Harkins.
Ben?
I got a message for you from Jack.
Don't unpack.
There's been a change in plans.
How much money you got left?
- I don't know, maybe $700.
- There'll be another $200 at the desk.
Go back to the airport and take the 510 American to Honolulu.
- Honolulu? 
- Not bad, uh?
When you get to Honolulu, take the first flight to Maui.
When you get there, rent a jeep and drive to a hotel called the Hana Ranch.
- Yeah, Hana Ranch. 
Got it?
- Right. 
- Is Jack Younger here?
- Mr Younger isn't here.
Richard Partun was here. 
The guy he sent me to meet didn't show up.
People, let's work now.
Would you please check your cards for sequence?
Check your cards carefully for sequence.
Work smoothly and it'll be a clean, clear picture.
I'm gonna give you a warning, "One, two, three" and a command, "Pull".
Get your concentration here.
Make a good, clean, sharp picture.
Here we go.
All right. 
And one, two, three, pull!
One, two, three, turn!
One, two, three, lift!
Applause, applause. 
Here he comes.
Here's the man himself, Mr Hammond.
- Quite a surprise.
- Nice to see you.
This is Pat Fairfield, Student Body President.
Marilyn Puttnam, Student Federation President.
The youth is rallying, sir.
We're at that point where you'll be coming in.
- If you would make your entrance.
- What I'm here for.
- Where do I enter?
- Round the table, up the stair.
- Right to the speaker stand.
- OK.
Card people, we have a tape of the address Mr Hammond's going to deliver.
We're gonna run that so you can learn your cues.
I'll be giving cues for applause.
When he comes in, greet him for everybody here.
Here he comes, making his entrance.
Let's hear it! 
Come on!
That's the man we're working for, the man people are coming to see.
This is gonna be on television.
Wanna thank you kids for being here, and the band. 
See you tonight.
Thank you. 
I am proud to be here tonight. 
I can think of no occasion that has given me more pleasure. 
We all ache for the chance to be proud again. 
I promise you I will not stop,  I will not falter,  till that march has reached its destination. 
Until, like Moses, I've returned to you the promised land of liberty our forefathers created. 
I cannot take the honours you bestow on me as a personal tribute. 
You are here to honour me not as a man but as a representative...  ...they're all talking about Jack Nicklaus, Palmer.
Our cause must become the country's. 
I am proud... 
Our cause must become the country's. 
My life has been blessed with success,  but that is not why you are here. 
My life has been blessed with... 
There he is! 
There he is!
I see him!
Ladies and gentlemen, you've been invited here for the announcement of the inquiry into the death of George Hammond.
A complete transcript of the investigation is in preparation.
This committee has spent six months of investigation, followed by 11 weeks of hearings.
After careful deliberation, it has concluded that George Hammond was assassinated by Joseph Frady.
An overwhelming body of evidence has revealed that Frady was obsessed with the Carroll assassination.
And in his confused and distorted mind seems to have imagined that Hammond was responsible for the senator's death.
He was equally convinced that Hammond was plotting to kill him.
It is for those reasons that Frady assassinated him.
Although I'm certain that it will do nothing to discourage the conspiracy pedlars, there is no evidence of a conspiracy in the assassination of George Hammond.
Those are our findings.
The evidence will be available to you as soon as possible. 
Thank you.
This is an announcement, gentlemen.
There will be no questions.

This film was awarded the Prix Louis Delluc
The Watchmaker of St. Paul
We would like to thank Mr Louis Pradel, Mayor of Lyon, and the municipal and prefectorial authorities for facilitating the shooting of this feature, entirely filmed in Lyon.
Election special, the time is 8:48.
The Ministry...
Hey, shut up for God's sake!
Hey.
Come eat.
This damned transistor, it never works when you need it.
The French voted like idiots, you'll see.
Always pissed off.
Because I was at the whores' demonstration at the Place des Jacobins.
They were simply asserting their right to work, like everyone else.
Were they brandishing their work tools?
No, that's not the word.
Those ladies are discreet.
Hey, the UDR has over 300 seats.
The left has joined forces.
The idiots. 
It pisses me off.
Don't get so upset.
Communist mayors are okay, so long as they have a right-wing government.
You're right.
The communists are scared shitless.
You should know since you're a member.
What did your whores say?
Nothing, except for one. 
She shouted, "The arse is for everyone!"
- They shut her up.
- I knew one. 
She said...
Wait, I'm not finished! 
There were a good thousand of them from Lyon.
The atmosphere became increasingly cordial despite all the CRS vehicles.
All of a sudden, a CRS commander shouted, "Everyone on the pavement!"
- That's not true!
- That's what he should've said.
- And did they go there?
- Everyone did.
Except for the whores. 
Because that day, the pavement wasn't theirs.
They have a strong sense of professional responsibility.
- All done, chef.
- Thank you.
Thank you. 
It was so thoughtful of you to wait for me. 
Give me my beef.
- So it's working now?
- Yes, it was nothing.
This salad could use some more onion.
I love onion because it gives you good breath.
That's the benefit of being single.
You can eat onions.
This one's good. 
Thank you.
- To your health.
- To yours.
This one's better.
Ah, that's nice.
To France.
It's getting better and better.
- I think France is doing well.
- First, the elections.
It's shit!
The latest poll says 54% of French people are in favour of the death penalty.
So we're divided on the death penalty.
Those people get overlooked. 
We have to do something. 
I'll found the ATVDP.
- The ATV what?
- What's that?
He founds something new every week.
The ATVDP, the Association of Television Viewers for the Death Penalty.
Pretty good, isn't it?
The sole objective is that capital executions be televised.
It would air right before Guy Lux.
- With the family all around.
- And songs?
And songs, too, so the whole family would be there. 
Thanks.
There's one thing. 
In the morning, at dawn, there isn't enough light.
We'll change the schedule around.
Or it could be pre-taped, like football.
- In colour, then!
- Of course!
If there's one programme that should be in colour, it's that one.
I could have expected that kind of sensitivity on your part.
But wait! 
We need people on death row!
Well, yes. 
That's one opinion.
We'll make some up, then.
To host it, we need someone serious, someone with a middle-class air about them.
I think Léon Zitrone would do.
Great idea. 
He's a good host.
But proper. 
Nice appearance.
Serious and grave.
With a touch of humour in his eye.
- In his left eye.
- No, definitely the right one.
I think he's right.
But not Michel Droit. 
That's his right.
Who the hell wants potatoes?
All right, bye.
Goodnight.
- Goodbye.
- Are you happy you came?
- Hey, Michel, you're gaining weight.
- No, it's my son's.
- I recognise that. 
It's from Switzerland.
- Yes.
Look what kids are doing for fun.
They'd be better off working.
They work.
- They'd be better off not doing bugger all.
- It's hard not to do bugger all!
And they get paid more.
- He's right about that.
- Are you coming with me?
- No, I'll go back on foot with Antoine.
- Goodnight, Michel.
Sleep well on those elections.
- See you, Johannes.
- Bye.
Bernard told me a great story.
Immigrant workers were striking in Saint Etienne.
So of course, they called in the CRS.
But their radio was plugged into the same wavelength as the church mikes.
You know what they heard in the middle of a Sunday sermon?
"Car 9 calling 623. 
We're approaching the factory. 
Do you read me, Eugene?"
- That's not true.
- Yes.
And during the Elevation, crack!
"Prepare the grenades!"
- And did the CRS hear the mass?
- I don't know.
What a pity. 
That would've been great.
Why are you pushing that?
There are no cars or anything.
I don't want to be in breach of the law.
- Are you Swiss or what?
- No, but I am a watchmaker.
- How's Bernard doing at the trade school?
- Not great.
It's too bad he left high school.
You should've stopped him.
If you think he asked for my opinion...
High school is a step up, after all, isn't it?
- A step up from what? 
His father?
- Stop talking nonsense.
Come on, let's go.
See you later. 
My car's over here.
- You don't want to grab a drink?
- No, I'm tanked.
All right. 
Bye, Antoine.
- Sleep well.
- Cheers.
- Goodnight!
- See you tomorrow if you stop by.
Shut up!
Hi, colleagues. 
How are you?
- Hello, Mrs Freudenie. 
How are you?
- I'm well, thank you.
- Mr Descombes?
- Yes, that's me.
Officer Bricard.
Does the van with licence plate number 5763 Y 69 belong to you?
- Yes, why?
- Did it disappear?
No. 
When I got home last night, it wasn't parked out front.
I figured my son must have taken it.
Has there been an accident?
Sort of. 
You son is not hurt.
That's all I can tell you.
Well, that's good.
We should still let them know we're here.
Is that you, Commissioner?
Yes, we're at his place.
He doesn't seem to know what's going on.
We'll bring him over.
All right. 
Are you married?
I was.
- Can I take a look?
- Go ahead.
No. 
At the flat, please.
Okay. 
It's a little complicated, so follow me.
- Your son's bedroom?
- Right there, on the left.
- Go take a look.
- Why?
- I'll have to ask you to come with us.
- Why? 
Is it about my son?
No. 
They said they needed you to identify the van.
That's no good because I'm expecting the plumbers this morning.
- Leave the key with the concierge.
- There isn't one.
Leave it with a neighbour, then.
You have to come.
You're in Vienne, sitting in traffic for two hours. 
You want to sell your car.
According to the latest poll, 89% of French people are happy.
Are you?
You can't tell me anything?
Pardon me?
I said, you can't tell me anything?
They sent us to fetch you.
I don't know any more than that.
Look, it's my van.
Hey, stop the car, for God's sake!
Don't worry. 
We'll come back with the Commissioner.
Never say that. 
Definitely not.
Never again...
- There's no question about it.
- There are worse ideas.
No, never.
I told you I didn't want that son of a bitch involved.
A car was stolen near here. 
You'll have to make do with this. 
Mr Descombes?
- Commissioner Guiboud. 
Coffee?
- No, thank you.
Madam, bring the gentleman a coffee.
We found your van.
It was abandoned not far from here.
I know. 
I saw it on the way here.
What happened to my son?
Later.
You had dinner last night with friends.
Your son wasn't there when you got home.
He had run off with Miss Torrini.
- Do you know Miss Torrini?
- No, not at all.
What happened?
You're not drinking your coffee?
No, thank you.
All right. 
Let's go, Mr Descombes.
- They got a flat tyre, as you can see.
- Yes.
I should have changed the tyres a long time ago.
No. 
It's better if you're seated for what I'm about to tell you.
Your son killed a man.
What does that mean?
He killed a man not far from here.
We don't know why.
Razon, the victim, was an important bloke at the factory where Miss Torrini worked.
A witness saw them set fire to the car and took down the van's licence plate number.
You're as far as we've gotten.
It wasn't difficult.
A car's been stolen in the area.
I have people looking for it.
Now you know as much as I do.
- It's not true.
- There's nothing else you can say.
Looking for a black Citroën DS 19, licence plate number 4217 AS 71. 
Stolen by two individuals, armed and dangerous.
Seventy-one. 
That's Saône-et-Loire.
- You care to talk to me about your son?
- No.
Fasten your seatbelt.
- Why?
- All right, don't fasten your seatbelt.
I'll leave you here.
You can take the tram.
Mr Descombes!
Do not leave Lyon.
You remain at the disposition of the law.
Excuse me, sir.
Would you mind giving me your seat?
I really need to sit down.
Thank you.
- Mr Descombes.
- Go ahead.
All right.
Bricard, tell me about this Razon character.
He was lying naked by the shower.
There was water on the ground.
He must have heard a noise.
Razon didn't have time to react.
He shot him right away.
He or she. 
Let's take a look.
- They enter the bedroom. 
They do what?
- They wait.
She worked at the same factory as Razon.
They see the clothes here, on the sofa. 
They search them.
- Did you search them?
- Yes, some envelopes, cigarettes.
Thank you.
- No wallet?
- No.
- Razon had a gun. 
Did you find it?
- No.
Judging by the bullet analysis, we can determine that it was a revolver still used in the army.
The killer must have found it here and taken it along with the wallet.
- I work well with you.
- You never agree with me.
Precisely.
I don't know what it is. 
It's odd.
It's a poem.
By Claudel, I'd say.
"The will of God is suddenly vertical and severe"
Yes, it is Claudel.
I said it before seeing the name.
What's more, it's a poem in praise of the parachutists of Indochina.
"Champion of the ocean, gendarme of God"
You can expect anything from Claudel.
"Saint Breton, Saint Brutal, blasted colonel
"And serviceman". 
Madness.
And this was in his pocket.
He's a former paratrooper from Indochina and Algeria. 
He had artistic tastes.
His home is nothing like a working man's home.
Firing a submachine gun may be a manual job, but he wasn't like a worker at all.
Do they give workers the right to carry a weapon and a revolver?
If they do, they become cops.
He was a special kind of cop.
A factory cop.
Take one from the front, too.
A bird's- eye view, so we see the seats.
The carcasses that remain of the seats.
It's lucrative. 
It's a sob story.
And don't forget to capture the steering wheel.
Open the door, too.
- There's the Commissioner.
- So, Costes,
- always where it's at?
- That's the news business.
So why didn't they try to flee with this one?
Instead of taking their old van that they had to abandon later.
They preferred to burn it.
Burning cars is fashionable.
- I don't want to say the word "leftist"...
- You said it.
A simple hypothesis that doesn't lack interest. 
I won't be the only one to do it.
This sort of crime on the night of the elections. 
It's a piece of cake.
Unless it was a simple case of criminal morals.
- The burnt car is good for you.
- Of course.
That's what will make them unappealing.
- Is Descombes' flat over there?
- Yes.
Were you sleeping? 
Did we wake you?
- What time is it?
- 11:30.
Yes.
My name is Costes. 
I'm a journalist.
I know you and your son are still on good terms.
You've always had a good relationship.
It's easy to talk about, when you only have good memories.
You think?
We'll try.
I won't keep you long.
No, listen.
- Be kind, not today.
- Yes, today.
People are interested in him today and are forming opinions of him today. 
The opinion they form of him is important.
That may be, but I'm not myself today.
My head is empty.
I don't know where I am.
I don't know what I've done since yesterday.
We're not talking about yesterday, but about older memories.
You'll see, it'll come on its own.
Is this his room?
Yes.
And this is where you came to sleep?
No, I didn't know I'd fall asleep.
Mr Descombes, could you come here a moment, please?
Go on, you're lucky enough to have the plumbers come by, so take advantage of it.
- Are we taking pictures?
- Maybe later.
The killer's bedroom.
What's that?
It's a family heirloom.
It dates back to the times when people made contraband matches.
My grandfather's brother put it together for that purpose.
They would put a small fir tree log there and then cut it this way without going all the way to the end.
Then they would put it in the other way, like so, and it would make a little bush of a hundred matches.
They would dip that into the sulphur first, and then into the phosphorous.
It was worth one sou.
Or five years if they got nabbed.
- Your great-uncle was nabbed.
- Yes.
Yes, because...
He had phosphorous on the soles of his shoes, and it set off sparks when he walked.
The police spotted him and put him in prison.
There's no point in writing that down because his daughters still live in Ardeche.
I won't mention it, Mr Descombes.
Although that brave smuggler does deserve all of our sympathy.
An outlaw. 
It's fascinating for a child.
It's like a folk tale.
- Was he the family hero?
- No.
You're placing too much importance on it.
There are no heroes in the family.
In any case, I don't think Bernard likes heroes much.
Mr Descombes, you're a widower, correct?
No, I'm not.
My wife is dead, but we were already separated.
I'm a widower all the same, I suppose.
I was as sad as a real widower.
- All right, Mr Descombes, goodbye and...
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, Mr Descombes.
- Goodbye.
Thank you.
- I'll stop by the store.
- Okay. 
Don't worry about it.
Excuse me, does Mr Descombes live here?
- Yes, but if it's not urgent...
- Yes, it is urgent.
- What do you want, madam?
- A short interview.
I have nothing to say to you.
You're closing the door on a friend.
- Are you a journalist?
- Yes.
I've seen too many journalists.
- Millions of people read my newspaper.
- I don't care.
Your son is among them.
They don't know what happened.
They found a dead man, but who's to say that he didn't attack your son?
What proof is there that your son killed him? 
He wasn't alone.
Picture him listening to the radio in his car.
What does he hear?
A hostile voice, bringing charges against him that may be false and to which he can't even respond.
Don't you think he'd be happy to hear his best friend's voice?
You've heard those appeals before.
They can be very moving.
What do you want me to say to him?
I don't even know who my son is any more.
I won't say the words I used to say.
They won't work any more.
I wouldn't even dare talk to him right now.
They're after him, they could kill him.
What do you say to a man in that situation?
Even if it is your son. 
What would you say?
There must be something you want to say, even if you don't know how. 
Tell me.
Yes, that he evades the police.
- You think that's what he expects from you?
- He expects nothing from me.
If he had expected something from me, he would've confided in me. 
It's too late.
No. 
Now's the time to tell him what you think without admitting to anything.
He has to give up. 
He has to surrender to the police before it's too late.
Before they shoot him.
They'll shoot him without warning.
They think he's armed. 
They, too, are afraid.
But they have nothing to lose by killing him.
Do you know what I think?
I think he's waiting for you to tell him to surrender.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Yes, I'm waiting.
What do you want me to do?
Razon with a "Z", miss.
Don't mess up the dead man's name.
She's such an idiot!
...have to confess to everything.
I don't give a damn. 
You have to deal with it.
It's not my business.
Hello? 
Traffic police?
- No, not the Guibert butcher shop. 
I know.
- The "Descombes son" file.
- Have you seen the film La Grande Bouffe?
- No.
Normally, there's nothing more innocent than food.
In that movie, food is disgusting.
It gets lower, it's worse than obscene.
- They should ban it.
- Especially in Lyon.
And what does that prove?
That he was against the war or that he had a thing for naked little girls.
There are also some subversive slogans.
- There are even more in my son's bedroom.
- Because he's a leftist?
No, because his father is a cop.
I do not like war because war happens in the countryside and the countryside bores me.
All right, then.
Everything is in order.
- Yes, thank you.
- Oh, no.
They shouldn't have removed them. 
An unfortunate move by a subordinate of mine.
And a notebook they took from his desk, and that I want to return as well.
It's mostly notes about movies.
And the tragic argument he had with his girlfriend over a movie they watched.
Are you interested in seeing what the girl looks like?
I haven't had the time to think about it.
I have a photo of her taken at a shooting gallery at a funfair.
Does seeing her have an effect on you?
- It's the rifle that has an effect on me.
- Yes, it's unpleasant.
- When one knows.
- And nothing erases that impression of her.
She has her role in this business, an important role.
She's the source of it all.
That's how I feel, anyway.
She was accused of theft at the factory.
Razon surprised her during lunch hour.
In a workshop. 
He searched her and found two radios on her.
- I don't like this Razon guy.
- Your son didn't like him, either.
And she liked him even less.
- She said he hit her. 
It's possible.
- And even probable.
And that's where it ends.
Except that Liliane was fired.
And the girl took your son to Razon's flat.
She initiated all this business.
She asked him to punish Razon.
He's a kid, he obeyed.
If only we could talk to him, tell him he can still stop this.
What complicates matters is that he's armed now.
I know what you're going to ask me.
To talk to him over the radio.
And tell him to give himself up. 
Is that it?
- You've thought about it.
- It's done.
- A journalist conned me into doing it.
- What do you mean, "conned"?
Because if the police had asked me, I wouldn't have done it.
And it turned out to be the police all the same.
Did you hear that?
Leftist.
Rubbish.
And the girl, a slut leading Bernard around by the nose. 
Where'd the cop get that from?
And the woman, that journalist.
"Mr Descombes, make an appeal.
You'll see."
As if that's all he was waiting for to surrender.
All those people talked to me about was his cowardice. 
What idiots.
Well, you were wrong. 
Just tell yourself he didn't hear your little speech.
Give me that.
I hope.
In any case, he'll do whatever he wants.
He only ever did what he wanted to.
- This bloke Razon is a bastard, isn't he?
- That's obvious.
What do you want me to say?
It's just that this could become a political story.
Do you think that would be good for Bernard?
I don't know, it depends.
I'm asking you what you think!
- Eat your salad.
- No, I'm not hungry. 
You have it.
- Are you following me now?
- No, I was passing through here.
Buying carrots, I suppose.
You don't actually think my son would come to the market with me?
Don't get upset. 
If there's any news of your son, you'll hear it from me.
- You have news?
- Yes.
They were seen in a little village in Ardeche called La Pervenche, 10 km from Privas.
There's a hostel there run by a woman named Marie-Louise.
They spent two leisurely days there.
People thought they were lovers.
- They are lovers.
- Aren't we all.
To think I was sending him that message at the time...
In any case, they didn't hear it.
They had other things to do.
In the end, it's not bad news, neither for you nor for me.
They like to stay in bed too much.
I might need you in a few days.
Why?
If they barricade themselves, I'll ask you to come with me.
You're not obligated to shake my hand, but I'll extend it anyway.
I have nothing to reproach you for, for the time being.
I'll see you one of these days.
The later, the better.
So?
That chap would sell his shirt and his shop to help his son escape.
- Nothing on the wiretap?
- Nothing. 
Oh, yes, a woman.
A wristwatch saleswoman.
There's no reason for the bloke to ring his father and say, "Hi, Dad, how are you?"
If your son did something like that, would he ring you?
- How old is your son?
- Seven.
You can rest easy for a little while.
Bricard.
- Oh, hello.
- Hello, sir.
We're not here to buy anything, sir.
We're here to talk to you about Liliane.
Liliane Torrini.
Do you know my son?
No, but we know Liliane well. 
We don't want anything bad to happen to her.
And?
Most importantly, we knew Razon, the bloke that was killed.
So if it can be of use to you, we thought...
Yes.
Well, I don't really see how.
He was a nasty person, a jerk.
I know all of that.
I'm surprised, because they don't mention that in the newspapers.
He was always an arsehole to us.
A real swine.
Blokes like that... 
I'm not saying they should be killed, but there shouldn't be any.
He drove into a picket line one day, hurting two cops. 
There was no investigation.
And there's one thing in particular that we should tell you.
He chased after Liliane. 
Relentlessly, too.
Anyway, he picked on all the girls.
But it was more serious with Liliane.
So she had to defend herself...
I'm convinced that's the reason he fired her.
- They told me that Razon had...
- The story about the radio?
- But Razon was the sole witness.
- Yes. 
Watch out.
And did my son know that?
I didn't say that, sir. 
I don't know your son.
She told me about him once.
- Liliane spoke to you about my son?
- She told me his name, that's all.
Nothing you've told me is a very big deal.
- Would you like to come in for a minute?
- No, thank you.
We have to get back to work.
We're in a hurry.
Anyhow, thank you for coming to tell me that.
- You know, it's in our own interest.
- Okay, thank you.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
Michel! 
Come here!
Yes, coming!
Burn rubber, it's fine.
That way.
I'm going to corner that swine!
- Arseholes!
- Bastards!
- Jerks!
- Scoundrels!
- You'd like to hit him, wouldn't you?
- You and your obscene posters!
Arseholes, scoundrels!
Now you're worried, eh?
Now you're getting it.
That'll teach you to mess with me.
Get lost, arseholes!
Scoundrels!
The swine!
- How is the water?
- Oh, my God!
The swine.
God, that felt good.
Who were those blokes?
- Razon's friends, of course.
- Shit.
Employer militia. 
They're called vigilantes.
I didn't know there was such a thing.
Officially, there isn't. 
But there's the proof.
What do we do?
Should I press charges?
Now's not the time.
- Mr Gaucher. 
My neighbour, the glazier.
- Hello, sir.
- People learn of things quickly, I see.
- No, but they hear them.
God, look at this.
Let's get a drink.
- Was Bernard arrested?
- No, not yet.
You scared me.
When you asked to meet me here and wouldn't talk to me on the phone,
- I thought Bernard had been killed.
- That's the stuff of movies, Mr Descombes.
Most arrests go off without incident.
We'll get them easily, you'll see.
DEAD
France is a strange country, Mr Descombes.
Fifty million inhabitants and 20 million informers.
Nothing too serious.
Bernard ran away at the age of twelve?
Yes, that's right.
- And you didn't call the police?
- No.
Was he gone for a long time?
Long enough, yes.
He went to Belgium, to Namur.
To see a woman who cared for him after his mother left.
She stayed with us for six years.
I let her go afterwards because he didn't need her any more.
I didn't know he still thought about Madeleine.
That's her name, Madeleine.
He never talked to me about it.
And if he had asked you to take him to Namur to see her?
It would have made me very happy.
Maybe he didn't want to make you happy.
Maybe he wanted to be alone with her.
I'm well aware of that.
Do you know what Bernard was lacking, Mr Descombes?
- Madeleine, of course.
- Madeleine or... another woman at the house.
So I've been told.
That woman, Madeleine... 
Madeleine what?
Fourmet.
- Does she still live in Namur?
- I don't think so.
- Why? 
Do you think Bernard...
- No.
I don't think anything.
She left Namur, but I don't know where she lives now.
- He was no longer in touch with her?
- He didn't tell me.
That blasted dog.
Come on, Wolfgang, let's go.
Wolfgang. 
That's his name, oddly enough.
In any case, you didn't want to share your son.
My profession allowed me to keep him with me.
He had so much fun.
The magnifying glass, the small tools, the coils, it was like a puzzle.
It's difficult, it goes slowly and then, all of a sudden, there it is, it works.
He thought I did it for fun.
Sometimes, when I would go to churches or town halls to repair the big clocks...
The big ones, they never work.
I would take him with me in my van.
We ate on the road. 
We got home late.
Had there been a woman at the house, she would've spent all her time waiting for us.
You could have left him from time to time.
That would've deprived us both of a great deal of joy.
He really liked being with me.
It's too bad that cops don't take their kids to work. 
It could lead to early callings.
He was also very skilled with his hands.
A lot more than me, for that matter.
That's why I wasn't surprised when he left high school to go to trade school.
Trade school?
What would he have done after leaving trade school?
He did leave, Mr Guiboud.
My son is getting ready to join the police force. 
And if he can...
It's the best that I could hope for him.
My wife had left three months before.
It was the dead of winter.
It was very, very cold.
Suddenly, a little boy approached me.
He looked at me and said,
"You've changed so much!"
And then he left right away.
I guess he had nothing else to say to me.
I didn't recognise him, I'd never seen him before.
I didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl because he was all bundled up.
I ran after him to ask him... and he said, "A boy."
He seemed surprised by my question.
- You have to admit it was stupid.
- Oh, no.
If it's a girl, it's more painful.
And if it's a boy, it's more mean.
I was sitting on the tram once, across from a young boy. 
He said, looking at his mother, "That man smells bad." It was my cologne, but it was embarrassing, regardless.
You had an encounter with a mean boy.
No, I didn't see anything mean about it.
No, I was very happy.
I was happy that a small boy had crossed the street to tell me, "You've changed so much."
It's extraordinary. 
It's not mean, quite the opposite.
- A young boy who comes all by himself...
- It's nerve.
No! 
To come and tell you something that surprised him and that he wanted to share.
Get it?
I don't think anyone ever loved me the way that boy did, even if it lasted only a minute.
You must lead a happy life, Mr Descombes.
I was only really sad twice.
And this time around, I'm beginning to gain the upper hand.
You can come get your van whenever you like.
- I'm not in any hurry.
- Well, we're not a storage facility.
- I'll get it and I'll burn it.
- It runs in the family.
I'm bringing back the dog.
- Is she awake?
- Yes.
- You're not coming in?
- No, please tell her that her father came by.
Hello Madeleine.
Well, they'll definitely come see you.
What should I say to them?
Well, I told them that you raised him when he was very young.
And I told them about Namur as well.
So you can tell them that.
Why? 
Does it bother you?
No, it's just that...
What? 
Do you know something?
Well, a little bit.
I was wondering if I should talk to you about it.
I got this the day before yesterday.
"We send you our love from Saint Etienne."
Why "we"? 
Do you know the girl?
A little.
- I don't.
- Really?
That's not good.
Why didn't he introduce you?
I don't know.
Maybe he was afraid I wouldn't be happy.
But why?
Is the girl no good?
I thought she was all right. 
Rather nice.
- Did she come here?
- Yes.
- Often?
- No. 
Twice, I think.
Once this winter. 
He brought her here.
It was snowing.
He mainly wanted to show her the garden.
He liked this garden.
The house, too, but mainly the garden.
You know how it is, kids need gardens.
This one won't last for much longer.
Yes, I know.
They're going to demolish the house.
To build a hospital, it seems.
Yes.
You see, he never even told me that he visited you.
And yet, he wasn't secretive.
Although now, who knows what to say?
What do I do with it?
Tear it up, Madeleine. 
And burn it.
- All in all, you knew him better than me.
- Don't say that, Mr Descombes.
In the beginning, maybe.
But not since he left with you.
He didn't talk to me. 
Obviously.
One day he said, "There's no better man than my father.
"Everybody loves him."
Everybody, but not Bernard.
You still have it, your first prize.
That was second.
Yes, I sang a little at those contests down there.
But...
What else did he say to you about me, about him and me?
I don't know any more.
Yes. 
One day he said... 
It really struck me.
He said, "My father is too kind to a boy like me."
What did he mean by that?
I don't know.
Perhaps that you're not supposed to be kind to a grown boy.
Yes.
- In short, he blamed me.
- No, that's not it.
- Look, I'm the one who's reproaching you.
- No, come on.
If there's anyone to reproach...
And you, you haven't received any news?
No.
- And the police?
- They haven't, either.
- All the better.
- Yes, all the better.
You know, maybe he didn't have a choice.
We must propagate the imperfect subjunctive within the lower classes
A demonstration organised by various leftist movements was held near the factory where Liliane Torrini worked.
The police were forced to charge.
The two young killers are still on the run.
Young Bernard's father did not want to respond to our questions.
He is still anxiously awaiting a reply to his moving appeal.
It's normal that youth would behave in this way, considering the liberties they're given.
I'd throw them all into the army.
They killed a bloke.
Maybe they had their reasons.
But to burn his car...
The ORTF is interesting.
And would you like to top the meal off with tripe or pig's feet?
One of each.
One of each, yes.
The CGT condemns the presence of armed persons at the workplace.
Once more, it regrets the unrest created in the factory, because of a crime that may have been instigated by certain irresponsible organisations.
The CGT advises calm and counts on the discipline and awareness of the workers.
I'm here in the name of the UDR to bid a final farewell to our friend Razon and pay homage to the memory of an honest man.
Did you know that Mr Descombes was back there?
- He's here?
- In the back.
... in Indochina and Algeria.
One of those Frenchmen we are proud of.
I didn't know you were here.
You should have come with me.
So I could listen to that with you?
Your friends are swell.
I had nothing to do with it.
Idiots, all of them. 
They're talking nonsense in the streets, I'd like to...
But your friend at the CGT, I won't forget him.
Excuse me, but he spoke for himself.
That's all.
- Can I get you anything, Mr Rainier?
- No, thank you.
- Besides, I barely know him.
- He spoke for himself? 
None of you do that.
He just about called him a leftist.
Just like those newspapers you hate.
- I said nothing of the sort.
- But you thought it. 
He's being humiliated.
- Bernard liked you a lot, you know.
- So did I, for God's sake!
- It's all right, don't get angry.
- I'll get angry if I want!
And what then? 
Since you brought it up.
Leftist or not, what do you know about it?
What do you know about poor Bernard?
- Me? 
I know everything.
- He never told you anything. 
So, what then?
Shit!
The father of the killer, madam.
ALL COPS SHOULD BE SHOT
The time is now 9:00.
Roger Pellerin at the mike.
Exceptional tiercé at Vincennes.
Weekend killer. 
Over 200 dead.
The young killers from Lyon are still are on the run.
Lip: fifth week of the strike.
Beef on the rise.
Your son has been arrested.
But don't worry, there was no damage.
- Where?
- The Island of Bréhat.
- Bréhat?
- On the northern coast.
They were stupid enough to leave their car parked across the street.
- Have you been to Bréhat?
- No.
We were actually planning to go there on holiday last year, but no.
They were taken to Saint-Brieuc. 
There's a train tonight with a change-over in Paris.
- What time does it depart?
- At 7:24.
Okay, thank you. 
I'll have time to finish this.
May I?
Now that we're moving, we can...
Where are you in the train?
- Car 14.
- I have a T2.
A sleeper in second class, there's an open seat. 
Will you come join me soon?
Why?
So we can travel together.
Waiter!
None for me, thank you.
Let's see what the chef is threatening us with.
"Duplantin." Because they sign for their crimes, too.
A stream of hors d'oeuvres, Curnonsky loin of veal...
The leather lead that led the poor veal to the abattoir.
- Crepes with jam.
- You and your fucking jam!
I wonder what state my son is in.
Don't start imagining things.
- They may have...
- Worked him over?
No, don't worry. 
He confessed everything.
Even if he did confess, everyone knows how things work at your police stations.
Yes, sometimes people do get hurt a little, to make them talk, or to scare them.
That's for the Arabs.
If your son was Algerian or a long-hair, I'm not saying...
But you know, chaps soaked in blood billy clubs... 
All of that.
It's the stuff of movies.
We have simpler methods.
A couple knocks to the head with a phone book. 
That's enough.
The bloke talks.
And it doesn't leave any scars.
But...
It's in prison that he has to be careful.
- You're not hungry?
- No.
- May I?
- Yes, go ahead.
You're not expecting him to fall into your arms.
I'm not expecting anything.
The worst part isn't seeing your son between two gendarmes, it's seeing the way he looks out at you.
I like you a lot, Mr Descombes.
You're right. 
How will he look at you?
That's another reason I want to see your son.
We don't understand our own kids, so we try to understand other people's kids.
I deal with professional killers and gangsters. 
It's my job, but I don't care.
Your son's story is more important.
Primarily because it's not unique.
I wonder what they've done to them, to the kids.
- Are you armed?
- Always when I'm on duty.
You have a dirty job.
People tell me that all the time.
INVESTIGATING ROOM NO. 1
He's in there.
Both of them are. 
Wait one moment.
Hello, is this Lyon?
Yes, he is. 
I'll transfer you.
You have Lyon.
Miss, was that about...
I can't tell you that, sir.
Thank you.
Well, it's not getting any better.
- Bernard isn't there?
- They left again.
- Where'd they go?
- There's another exit.
They don't want me to see him?
Is he banged-up? 
Is that it?
No.
They're afraid to let me see him.
And you won't tell me anything, of course.
If something happened to him...
Listen, he doesn't want to see you.
That's all there is to it.
What do you mean he doesn't want to see me?
He told you that?
He told me that.
But why? 
Did he say why?
Is it because I came with a cop?
You shouldn't have come.
You're starting to piss me off.
Thank you, sir. 
You're early.
I can't wait in your car?
I have one more run to make, but I think they'll be here soon.
Thank you.
- You're early.
- Yes.
- I'll make coffee. 
Shall I bring you a cup?
- Thank you.
It's going to be a bumpy ride.
You're not afraid of flying?
I don't know, it's my first time.
Really? 
You might be the only one.
It's already come here.
No, that would surprise me.
Come on, let's go.
- Here's the coffee.
- Thank you.
I'll get the sugar.
Wait for me.
- Here you are.
- Thank you.
Would you like anything else?
No, thank you.
Hi, Dad.
Flight to Lyon now boarding.
Let's go.
Fasten your seatbelts.
Listen, I understand that a son wouldn't want to see his father, especially in circumstances such as these.
But a father can see his son, right?
- You'll see him, Mr Descombes.
- Oh.
Were you able to arrange something?
You'll see him at the judge's office.
We don't have to ask for his opinion on that.
The judge is a woman.
Yes. 
She's good. 
You'll see.
- Thank you.
- But wait.
It's not a visit, but rather a confrontation.
A lot of things are dependent on it,
- and dependent on you.
- Dependent on me?
Mr Descombes, your son's position is absurd.
Here it is.
"I killed that man because he was a swine."
This Razon chap may have been a swine, but that's no reason to kill someone.
So we have to apply a certain meaning to the word "swine,"
political or social meaning, for example.
Choose whatever you want. 
I don't care.
But since he said it.
I plead passion.
And if there isn't any, I'll make it up.
As for politics, your son has no clue.
So I want this to be a crime of passion.
- And I need your help. 
Excuse me.
- Go ahead.
Hello. 
Hi, my friend.
Wednesday, if you like.
I'd prefer 4:30.
Okay, perfect. 
Wednesday at 4:30. 
Goodbye.
Okay. 
Passion.
Do you know of anything that could support my defence in this sense?
Well, there's the fact that Razon gave the girl the boot.
Yes, I know. 
Trivial.
I need something better than that.
I don't know... 
Razon treated the young woman poorly, very poorly.
She was reckless enough to tell your son.
That explains things.
You told me that two of Miss Torrini's friends came to see you, correct?
Yes, yes, but my son doesn't want anyone to talk about it.
I don't give a damn what he wants, I'm here to defend him!
I'm sure they have some interesting things to say.
- Who are the girls?
- I don't know.
Well, figure out how to reach them.
It's crucial for the passion angle.
Okay.
- Okay, I'll try.
- Good answer.
In exchange...
- Will this work?
- As a down payment, yes.
In exchange, here's a recording
- of the first interview I had with your son.
- Oh.
Yes, I was able to.
Your son agreed to let you listen to it.
If you don't mind, I'd prefer to listen to this at home.
Very well, then.
- Do you have a tape player?
- Yes.
My son's, actually.
- Have a good evening, Mr Descombes.
- Goodbye.
Listen, I told you that Razon represented everything that I hate. 
So I killed him.
Did he do any harm to you, specifically?
If he had done me harm, I wouldn't have killed him.
To your friend, then? 
He had her axed.
- You don't kill a man for that.
- Then why do you kill?
I didn't want the same people to keep getting away with things.
And why that day in particular?
I was going away for a long time. 
I thought, "If I don't do it now, I might never do it."
Was she in agreement?
Let's say it was my wedding present.
It will be hard to plead that.
I'm not disagreeing with that.
Did you think of your father in all of that?
At the time, no. 
But later, yes.
So why did you refuse to see him?
It wasn't the right time.
Are you part of the leftist movement?
No, I have nothing against it, but I'm not part of it. 
Neither is she.
- Liliane is dealing with it the best she can.
- I'm not surprised.
That girl is great.
All right, that will be everything for today.
- Hello.
- Hello, Mr Descombes?
- Yes, it's me.
- You'll see him.
You'll see him the day after tomorrow at 11:00 at the judge's office.
Second floor. 
Office 109.
- All right.
- Have a good evening, Mr Descombes.
Thank you, sir. 
Thank you.
Mr Descombes, is it all right with you if I record our conversation?
- lf you like.
- I have the judge's and the clerk's approval.
You know, I was cornered into doing that message on the radio.
- I wasn't the one who...
- I never even heard it.
- Really?
- We heard about it later.
Liliane and I didn't listen to the radio in the car.
We talked.
Well, I said, "I don't hold it against you."
They told me.
Why Bréhat?
I don't know.
I thought of Bréhat from the beginning.
You have nothing else to say to me?
Neither do you, apparently.
Anything I could say to you would only hurt you.
Yes, there is one thing.
I'd rather you didn't come to the trial.
Well, I'm going anyway.
If you want.
It seems that you'll be seeing psychiatrists.
- Don't count on them.
- No, I'm not counting on them.
Hello, sir.
Take your seats.
- Hello, madam.
- Hello.
I'm listening.
Madam, I believe that I can present very interesting testimonials.
Mr Razon was a man who would readily attack women at the factory, and would sometimes even go so far as to abuse them.
Consequently, there is a side to this case, a passionate one, let's say, that may shed some light on the matter.
A passionate side? 
Nonsense.
Mr Descombes, it's up to you to convince your son!
Talk to him! 
It's now or never. 
Please.
What exactly do they want you to say to me?
Nothing.
If you don't want to help me, I have every reason to drop the case.
All right, I'll try to figure something else out.
I don't like your pink shirt.
Chicken 5.95 F
TRY OUR SAUSAGES
- And for you, sir?
- Three small Beaujolais, please.
- That'll be 4.20 francs, sir.
- Thank you.
- Anything else?
- That's all, thank you.
- Shall I fold it down for you?
- No, thank you.
- Hi, I'll have a saveloy, please.
- Truffled, sir?
- No.
- 2.20 francs.
With some pistachios, perhaps.
With pistachios?
It's our wedding anniversary.
- I'd like to talk to you.
- 5.20 francs.
I'll be back after I pay for this.
- Do I pay you?
- Yes.
- Thank you. 
Goodbye, sir.
- Goodbye, miss.
Hi, Victor.
- Two saveloy salads, please.
- Yes.
Hi, sir.
Thank you.
Perhaps there's something Bernard doesn't want to say?
If he doesn't want to say it, he won't.
Perhaps Razon had some connection to Liliane?
I believe so.
He had her kicked her out of the factory.
No, I wasn't talking about that kind of connection.
That kind of connection wouldn't provoke what they call a crime of passion. 
No.
I'm thinking of something more serious.
Something he doesn't want to say.
And that he especially doesn't want others to say.
He said he killed him because he was swine.
That's enough for me.
Not for me.
Swine can mean a lot of things, right?
All right, an example. 
Thank you.
Razon catches the girl stealing. 
Being who he was, she has to sleep with him.
or else he'll have her fired.
Willingly or using force.
Using force, perhaps, but I don't know.
Or willingly. 
Either way, it's rape.
Which wouldn't prevent him from axing her afterwards, for that matter.
Because he thinks she won't say anything.
Except the girl talks.
And to whom? 
To your son.
Which was a very bad idea, incidentally.
No, it's not that kind of story.
And what do you know about it?
I'm thinking about the visitors you had two days after it happened.
Liliane's friends. 
I'd like to find them.
Don't count on me.
I don't know their names... 
I wouldn't even recognise them on the street.
If you won't help me...
My son doesn't want anyone talking about that.
Yes, well, I understand that it's not very pleasant to have people saying that your girlfriend was raped.
Except considering the position your son is in, he should talk about it.
He doesn't want to say it.
Neither do I.
Do you know what awaits you?
There won't be any extenuating circumstances.
And?
It seems as though you'd like to turn it into a political matter, is that it?
My son will decide.
I don't agree with you, Mr Descombes, as you can imagine.
But I like you, regardless.
I'll look for those girls.
And if that can be of service to your son, don't thank me.
I'm not doing it for him.
- You're not leaving, are you?
- Yes.
- I'm going home.
- See you later, then.
Why "See you later"?
We'll never see each other again.
Keep the change.
- You're coming to get him?
- Me, too.
Well, we won't go there in a procession.
Do you have your car?
- All right, so you two go.
- Yes, see you tonight.
- Would you like for me to take you?
- Yes.
- Have you eaten?
- Yes.
Mr Descombes, I want to be sure that I heard you correctly.
Could you please repeat that?
I stand in complete solidarity with my son.
Mr Descombes!
Over here!
Mr Descombes!
Hey!
You'll miss the programme.
On the telly, you idiots!
On the telly, for God's sake!
Would you like to walk for a while?
I left before the ending.
Twenty years for the boy, five for the girl.
That's a lot for a crime of passion.
Otherwise, it's normal.
I was watching him when you made your statement.
You have no idea.
It's as though he understood.
You're quite different, aren't you?
You were the same back there, though.
I can't even say that he smiled. 
It was...
It was like he was smiling, but without smiling.
Twenty years. 
Good God.
They made him pay for the way he spoke to them.
They didn't let him speak for very long, though.
I know.
They cut me off, too.
They judged him like a terrorist, but they did everything they could to ensure that the trial didn't actually become political.
I wanted to say loads of things to them.
I wanted to say that when you can no longer breathe, you end up breaking windows.
We're choking, my friend.
We're choking in this blasted country.
In this climate of cowardice, this satisfied comfort that people maintain using all means possible. 
Shit!
You should have told me that before.
It would have done me good.
I know.
Maybe you didn't believe it the way you do now.
I'm going to tell you something, Michel.
When it happened, I told myself I was happy that I didn't have any kids.
But after seeing the two of you, especially you, in front of all those honest people,
I thought there was no one else in the room besides you two.
Sit down.
Sit down!
- Are you all right?
- Yes.
Listen, I received an invitation...
It's not going to be very convenient to talk here, is it?
Don't shout. 
Articulate.
We're not used to it yet.
I saw Liliane.
She's decided on a name for her girl.
If it's a girl, that is.
- Sylvie.
- Sylvie?
That's not bad. 
And if it's a boy?
Well, I don't know. 
Maybe Michel?
What do you think?
Will you marry Liliane?
I don't know.
That depends on her.
I don't really see the benefit of it, being in prison and all.
I could look after the little one, don't you think?
Why not?
You're used to it.
Not all alone, though.
With the help of Liliane's parents.
I'll help them until the girl gets out.
And then...
- Do you think they'll go for it?
- Yes, I think so.
You see? 
It's getting easier to talk.
Finally, we only hear what we want to.
I remembered something last night, something I've never told you.
It was the beginning of the last war, in 1940.
At the time of the debacle.
We had withdrawn to a place, a little village called Limace.
In the morning, we were bombarded by aeroplanes that hit the house where the general has been sleeping.
The general had bailed, of course.
He came back afterwards and he asked us to get the violin he had forgotten in his room.
I mean, everything was in flames.
It was dreadful. 
I refused.
He took it very badly. "It's an order," he said. 
So there it is, refusal to obey orders in front of the enemy.
Council of war. 
I don't know what came over me. 
I gave the general a good blow.
It was a good blow!
And there were witnesses, my friend.
It was good for me.
And afterwards, it was a complete mess.
Everyone bailed.
During the entire occupation
I was never at ease.
I thought about it the whole time.
I don't know why I told you that.
I also wanted to tell you that two of Razon's friends came by and threw petanque balls at the shop. 
They smashed the window.
Antoine and I chased after them.
I threw one of them into the Saône.
All right, bye! 
Bye!
When Michel went back to see Bernard, the workers had finished repairing the prison roof, which had been devastated in the last riot.
The train station and the city were almost deserted.
In Vienne, there was a traffic jam 20 km long as usual, and over 100 dead on the roads.
It was almost the 15th of August, the feast of the Assumption of the Virgin, the patron saint of Lyon.

Angel of the Night
One ticket, please.
Thank you.
Good Afternoon.
Miss Ana? 
Please.
Thank you.
- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon. 
Please come in.
This way.
Excuse me, Madam?
Wait a minute.
Please, this way.
Excuse me. 
This is the lady.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
- What's your name?
- Ana.
I thought the agency would send the same girl. 
She was nice.
She is traveling.
This is the deal, baby.
The teacher of the kids is in hospital.
She is very old and she gets worse every day.
I don't know what to do about her.
I have to go to a reception in Rio today.
And two others, Saturday and Sunday, in Brasília.
Those parties of the queen.
You must have read she's here.
I know.
I don't want to leave the kids without someone in charge.
Beatriz lives nearby but she can't sleep here.
She has a husband, children and her own problems.
And the other girls don't know how to deal with the kids.
They don't stay awake.
They're irresponsible.
Also, on Saturdays they want to hang around and have fun.
Anyway, I can't trust them.
I've called your agency many times.
I got used to this service when my husband was in the USA.
It's very good. 
The kids always have more respect for someone they don't know.
- Have you graduated, like the other girl?
- Not yet. 
I'm still studying.
- What? 
Psychology?
- Yes.
Good. 
Then I'll feel more at ease.
Coffee, Beatriz.
You'll have to pay attention to something.
Marcelo sometimes has sleepwalking episodes.
If that happens, don't do anything.
Just go after him, he will get back to his bed eventually.
If he falls, you'll hold him.
Just that. 
He'll go back to his room.
There's something else...
Ah, wait a minute.
Coffee for the lady, please.
Beatriz will give you the girl's medicine.
She must take it at 8:30.
And sometimes she gets sick, you know.
Hello, Silvia! 
It's me.
I'm in a hurry. 
It's completely crazy.
I will dress and be right there.
Both? 
How did you know that?
It's impossible!
What? 
Yes, we will drive right to Brasília.
Cuz Rodrigo hates airplanes.
He's a coward.
Oh, we'll sleep a little during the journey.
Dr. Rodrigo's baggage.
Wait, son.
It's Marcelo, he's here.
Well, it will be fun then.
Rodrigo hasn't mentioned that.
No, thank you.
I hope they haven't invited those tacky people. 
That was awful!
I don't know how such things happen.
Why is there a festival? 
Anyway...
Ah, it's possible...
Wait a minute, Silvia.
Son, let mommy answer the telephone now, please.
Hello? 
Ah, it's you.
Nice, I wanted to talk with you.
Silvia is going too, now listen...
What will you wear?
Well, I'll dress in black.
Black works for me.
Hello, Silvia? 
Wait a minute, I'm talking on the other line.
No, it will take just a minute.
Beatriz, take the girl to her room.
Later you can see the house and play with the kids.
Beatriz will inform you if there are any problems.
- I'll talk to you tonight.
- Alright.
Hello? 
Yes, you can talk now.
This is your room.
Telephone. 
Water.
- This is your bathroom.
- Thank you. 
- Excuse me.
- Good afternoon. 
I am...
- I know.
- Have you talked to my wife?
- Yes.
- Do you want to sit down?
- No, thank you. 
Excuse me.
- Do you need something?
- No, thanks.
- What's your name?
- Carolina.
My name is Ana.
And we will play a lot together.
Now!
Don't forget to pay the bills.
And send the telegrams.
Ah, you also need to pay for having the gate fixed.
- I will call you today to see if it's all right.
- Ok.
Hi kid! 
Bye. 
Stay cool. 
Beatriz will write down everything you need to know.
Let's go, I'm late.
- Bye, dad!
- Bye! 
See you later.
Behave, ok? 
Bye!
I'll call you soon.
Don't forget to bring the stuff from the supermarket tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow at 7:30, right here.
- Where do you live?
- In Rio.
- Where in Rio?
- Far off.
- Is it cool, there?
- So, so.
- Do you go to the beach?
- Not much. 
I can't.
- Why not?
- I have to work.
Work on what?
I'm a teacher.
And I do research, statistics.
What?
When you finish serving you can go.
Where's your sister?
She's watching TV.
She has to take this medicine at 9 o'clock. 
Please, don't forget.
Ok, I'll remember.
Lady, it's time for me to go.
Can you come here for a minute, please?
I want to introduce you to the night watchman. 
He must be coming in a few.
Cool!
- Take care of the kids.
- What do you mean?
The kids are fragile...
- ...brittle.
- They don't seem so.
Mr. Augusto.
- Augusto, get me!
- Come here! 
Hold on!
- Faster, go!
- You are heavy.
That's enough. 
Let's go.
Good night.
This is the girl who will take care of the kids, Mr. Augusto.
- Good night.
- Good night.
She has all the instructions, but if she needs something you can help her.
Yes Madam, no problem.
Hi!
I'm at your service.
Good night then. 
If there's a problem, Mr. Augusto knows where I live.
It's right after that house covered with ivy.
Tomorrow at 7:00 I'll be here.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- See you later, Mr. Augusto.
- Good night, Mrs. Beatriz.
It's time for bed. 
Let's go!
- If you need something , I'll be outside.
- Thank you.
Good night.
Will you stay with us forever?
I can't stay forever.
Why?
I have lots of things to do.
What?
Work... 
Study...
Statistics?
Miss... 
Is everything alright?
- All right.
- Hi, Augusto!
Time for bed. 
Let's go.
Go to sleep.
- See you tomorrow.
- Good night.
- Can you tell us a story?
- No, no!
- Why?
- It will be the same bullshit as always.
Let's play chess?
We can play tomorrow.
Now let's sleep.
- Hi.
- Ah, it's you.
- It's good here.
-It's very good for me.
I spent months in the middle of the noise and dirt.
Sometimes I forget there are places like this.
With me it's the opposite.
I think I forgot about the rest of it.
And I don't even want to remember.
I would like to live here.
In a place like this.
- I've lived here for 23 years.
- 23 years? 
That was when I was born.
Those trees... 
I planted many of them.
I used to be a gardener.
But then I got sick... 
Very sick...
And then the boss put me as a night watcher.
And is it better?
At first the night made me feel bad
Now I'm used to it.
I used to have... chills...
I sweat all night...
Sometimes I wanted to cry.
And it wasn't fear. 
It was some kind of sadness... 
I can't explain.
I'm fine now... but I always get eager before dawn.
Now the time passes quickly.
I keep walking through the garden, thinking...
And it seems like it's my garden.
But I don't like the house.
I always say my boss' grandfather built the wrong house in the right place.
I prefer my little house 1000 times.
It's fine for me, my wife and the kids.
I don't even bring 'em here.
- But it's a beautiful house.
- It is. 
But it's not "friendly"... like this...
I already spent 3 months without entering the house.
Just patrolling outside.
Hello? 
Hello?
Who are you?
What do you want? 
Hello?
- Do you need something?
- No. 
I'm just taking some air.
I'm making some coffee in the kitchen.
Do you want some?
No, thank you.
It's fresh coffee. 
Come in.
I use to bring my coffee in a thermos flask. 
But now it's broken.
And while I don't buy another one,
Mrs. Beatriz told me to use the kitchen to make coffee.
- Do you want some?
- No, thanks.
It's bread with cheese and guava paste. 
Take some!
My wife always gives me much more than I can eat.
- You seem to be nervous.
- No. 
I'm just tired.
- Why don't you rest?
- I need to study.
I have to finish some work for college.
I'll finish it while I'm here.
- Excuse me.
- Sure.
If you need something, just call me.
What happened?
Are you alright?
There's someone calling.
It's the second time.
It's an awful voice...
- Saying things...
- What they say?
That they'll kill me.
Today.
It's a silly joke. 
They used to do it all the time around here.
I don't know... 
I don't know...
It's an awful voice!
The first word I heard made me shiver.
I was frightened even before I understood anything.
It was awful!
This is strange. 
I don't know what's happening to me.
Forget about it, lady.
You're right.
It'llbe better if you try to rest for a while.
Yes...
I must check the kids.
Come here!
What are you doing here?
This is my place. 
I come here when I don't want to be found.
It doesn't scare you?
Sometimes. 
But I like being afraid.
It's good to stay in the dark waiting for the fear.
Do you want to see it?
Listen... 
When everything is quiet, the chills come.
That's enough.
Let's get out of here.
Come.
Right, now go to sleep.
Hello?
Hello? 
Hello?
Someone laughed and hang up.
Who lives in that house?
It's closed. 
The family lives in Rio, they only come in summer.
The servants live there.
I know what you are thinking, but they're decent people.
What are you doing there?
I can't sleep. 
I want to play.
No way! 
Go to your bed!
Can I play with my scooter?
At this time of the night?
Please?
Hold it!
Hello?
Ah, yes... 
Sure!
Yes, Mrs. Raquel.
She is right by my side. 
Ok.
I'll give her the phone.
Good night.
Good evening, Mrs. Raquel.
Yes, it's all right.
We're in the living room.
The boy woke up and asked...
- Be quiet, Marcelo!
- No, he's going back to his bedroom.
You can keep calm.
Ah, you will call again.
Right. 
You can call anytime.
Ok. 
Good night Mrs. Raquel.
Forget about this joke and try to rest.
Nothing ever happened in this house, and it won't, with the grace of God.
Stay cool because I am here.
Besides...
I am ready.
Come!
You can't get me!
Marcelo?
What's wrong, Marcelo?
Marcelo?
It was just a joke.
Let's go to sleep, Marcelo.
- Good night, Augusto.
- Good night.
Sleep, Marcelo.
And try not to wake again.
You too. 
Go to sleep.
Marcelo! 
What's that?
- You little bastard!
- It's a joke! 
Just a joke!
Go to your room, go!
Lets go. 
Sleep, Marcelo.
And don't wake again, alright?
- Who told you to do this?
- Nobody, I just wanted to scare you.
I'm sorry. 
I was just kidding.
Sleep.

- Monsieur...
- Huh?
- Aidez-moi.
Aidez-moi.
Christ. 
Hang on, love.
All right, darling, come on. 
I've got you.
Come on, round the other side.
We can't stand about in this.
Soon have you in the dry.
Hang on. 
Here we go.
Ah, that's it.
There you are.
What happened, then, love?
Some bloke, was it?
Hmm? 
Come on, you can tell me.
Back there, he give you a lift or something, did he?
Shouldn't do it, you know, love.
Not out here in the wilds.
Please... 
I'm cold.
I'm not surprised.
Look at that dress you're wearing, eh?
What is it you've got on? 
Looks like a bloody bit of sacking or something.
You been to a fancy dress ball?
Bloody hell.
Who did that to you, love?
He deserves to swing for that, whoever he was.
Don't you worry.
He won't get away with it.
I'm gonna drive you to London.
Don't you worry, you're going straight to the law.
Some of these blokes, makes you wonder how their minds work. 
Gives you the creeps.
- Where... where is he?
- What, love?
He will come. 
So funny...
M... 
E... 
D.
I will not... 
I will not run away.
Why don't you take it easy, love?
You're all right with me.
Why not try and have a sleep, eh?
Mmm! 
Oh, no, it goes to my head!
- Ann-Marie, come and look.
- What is it?
- What are they doing?
- We're about to unveil you.
Let's have a look.
- The action still of the year.
- What have they cooked up?
- Where did you get it?
- Jo got it from the Evening Standard.
I love that expression.
Priceless, isn't it?
Priceless.
And look at these two old dears.
- Isn't that you behind the car?
- Yeah. 
We'd just finished the session.
Didn't you see it in the papers?
None of them mentioned the product.
They're getting smart.
Sony, they fined us.
Me and Ann-Marie, £10 each.
What for?
Behaviour likely to use a breach of the pea. 
What a charade.
The clients liked the pictures, though.
Yeah, but she was great, she really looked fantastic.
- Where's she gone?
- I don't know.
Ann-Mariel Have a drink - your flatmate's drinking you under the table.
Leave her, Ted, I think she's embarrassed.
What about? 
Not this, surely.
She's a bit touchy about her parents finding out. 
We ought to stop teasing her.
- I don't blame you.
- I'm sorry?
Oh. 
It's all right if they are amused.
It all seems a bit childish to me.
And rather tasteless.
Though I wouldn't say that to anyone else.
- May I get you a drink?
- No, thank you. 
I have enough.
Come and sit down. 
Tell me who you are.
- Ted.
- Yeah?
- Who's that?
- Who's what, my love?
I'm getting a bit bleary-eyed.
That dish chatting up Ann-Marie.
God knows. 
Something Jo picked up.
What?
- He walked in the office just before it closed and offered our lovely lady an idea for a feature.
She took a fancy to him and invited him to stay. 
Not like her, is it?
- Hmm. 
He must have a fatal charm.
- Or something.
Yes, well, we'd better find you a little friend of your own, my darling.
Come and meet some of my eligible fellow slaves. 
See if we casn sober'em up.
Gentlemen, let me introduce you to the lovely Julia King.
There's an article on 12th-century ceramics and an Ezra Pound poem between a huge Negress in chains and Warhol on the loo.
- What are you reading?
- Escort.
Ted thrust it into my hands when I left the party, said I ought to gen up on men's tastes.
I don't think they know about the men's tastes.
That's the secret - they don't.
They just tell them what they think they ought to have a taste for.
- And when's your rt arriving?
- I am to meet him. 
I must hurry.
- The one that chatted you up at the party?
- Chatted me up? 
Yes.
- He's a fast worker.
- Mmm...
- He is charming. 
He is different. 
You know.
- I see.
- May I borrow your minor? 
Mine's broken.
- Go ahead.
- Hey, you're still wet.
- Am I?
He's a writer, isn't he?
- Is he?
- Didn't he say?
He said so little. 
We talked about me.
- What's his name?
- Mark. 
Er, Mark Desade.
And when am I going to meet him?
Julia! 
You have Tony.
Yes, I have Tony. 
He'd better remember to bring wine.
He will not take you out tonight?
We thought we'd eat in for a change.
You should get him to take you somewhere nice to eat.
- What, with the whole place to ourselves?
- Oh, I see.
Madame asked me to me down and show a dress to a client.
I think I look nice in the dress and madame let me model a little.
Then I go to Panama for a few months then I meet Julia, who say I should go to work for her boss in London.
So I go to London where I do much photographic work.
And that is my life.
- Why are you so nervous?
- Nervous?
I? 
What do you mean?
Something in your voice, your eyes I think you're afraid of me.
Oh, but no. 
I am a little... excited, that is all.
Why should I be afraid?
Why not? 
You are alone with a man who you don't know.
And we all fear the unknown. 
It's natural.
But I do know you. 
And I like you.
Why, even at the pally, you were the only one who really understand. 
This is true, Mark.
Let me show you something.
- Comment?
- A little experiment to prove what I say.
You'll find it interesting.
Just close your eyes.
- Ohhh...
- No, me on, close your eyes.
But promise to keep them closed all the time.
OK.
- Are they closed?
- Oui, monsieur.
Good. 
Now I want you to imagine something.
Can you remember the way the table is laid out?
Do you remember the knives by the plates?
The steak knives with the serrated edges?
Do you know serrated?
A dozen razor-sharp little notches on each blade.
What sharpness.
They go through steak just like that.
Now I'm picking one up... and I'm looking at it.
I daren't even touch it with my finger because the slightest pressure would make a cut.
I'm going to bring the knife closer to you.
I'm reaching out across the table and I'm holding the knife very close to your face.
The blade has the finest, thinnest cutting edge imaginable.
It's almost touching your fa.
If you were to move your fa just one eighth of an inch it would slice through your cheek just like...
Only an ice cube.
- But I felt... 
I felt...
- What?
- The blood.
- You thought I would cut your fa.
But anybody would, mm.
I'm sorry. 
I shouldn't have done it.
It was only a joke.
- Will you forgive me?
- I was so frightened.
It's only a joke.
- Where do these go?
- In that drawer.
There's all these saucepans yet. 
Leave it.
- No.
- Let's leave it.
- Why?
- Because I want to...
"To get back to my wife".
Oh, that mas nasty. 
I'm sorry.
Let's do it before Froggy gels home.
She won't be beck yet.
She's got a big yearning for that writer.
- Who's he?
- Some dishy number from the Escort pally.
- Hey, what's this?
- What's what?
- It's a fuse!
- Tony.
I can't fix it, I'm useless with my hands.
You're kidding.
- You'll have to pay for that.
- But not for this.
Thank you.
What for? 
The kiss or the dinner?
Both. 
Everything.
It has been so wonderful.
I have enjoyed it so much.
What an unusual ring.
Let me see. 
What does it say?
M... 
E... 
D.
Mark E. Desade.
Mark E. Desade.
- What's the matter?
- Oh...
It just sounds a little like something else.
Mark E. Desade - the Marquis de Sade.
You know.
No. 
Who is he?
Nobody. 
You coming in?
Won't we disturb your flatmate?
No. 
She has her room and I have mine.
No. 
Not tonight.
I must do some writing.
But... won't I see you again?
- This weekend, if you're free.
- Oh! 
Yes, please!
I'd like to take you to visit my parents, meet my mother.
Oh, Marky, you are so funny.
And so old-fashioned!
I thought you didn't like me.
- I'm sorry.
- No, it is nice.
I would like to meet your mother but perhaps she wouldn't like me.
You're French.
She likes the French?
Then we shall be very happy.
We could drive down on Friday.
It is a long way, non?
Quite. 
It's a date, then?
Yes, it's a date, 'Marquis de Sade'!
- Where are you off to?
- Oh, Julia, the photographer made me work an extra hour and I am late.
- He is hero and lam not ready.
- Who's here? 
Where are you going?
- I'm going away for the weekend.
Oh, yes, to meet somebody's mum.
Was that the writer, the male model or the producer?
- Yes, yes.
- Well, that answered my question.
- Did you gel her a present?
- We will slop to buy something.
Goodbye, Julia. 
I must hurry. 
Goodbye.
Have a nice time.
Oh, this is so beautiful.
Is it a long way to your mother's, Mark?
Where does she live? 
Mark?
Mark, drive a little more slowly, please.
Im... 
I...
- Yes?
- I'm a little frightened.
Mark, we will slop to gel the present, won't we?
You haven't forgotten?
There's still a long way to go.
But I want to buy your mother something nice.
Mark, have I upset you in some way?
Please tell me.
Where are we, Mark?
Why did you do that? 
It is dangerous, no?
Do what? 
Go to sleep, Ann-Marie.
Stop asking questions.
Are we here, Mark?
- Is this your home?
- It looks so big.
Wail here.
Madame Desade?
- You're late.
- I, er...
Are you coming?
Where is Mark? 
Monsieur Desade.
I have me to...
- You French?
- Yes.
In there.
Well, good night, I guess. 
Mm?
Take off your clothes and leave them on the table, all of them. 
And your shoes.
- Is something the matter with your hearing?
- What?
There seems to be.
You are both deaf and insolent.
Who are you? 
What is this place?
Where's Monsieur Desade?
There are two easy rules in this institution.
- Institution?
- Shut up.
Instructions are to be obeyed and each officer must be addressed as madam.
I should not be here.
I should not be here... what?
- I don't understand.
- You are not in this room to understand.
You are to be bathed before putting on your uniform.
- Now get your clothes off.
- I will not.
This is not where I should be.
I will go to find Monsieur Desade.
- No!
- Now...
Now then, we will continue the customary reception routine.
Sin you are not willing to undress, you will have to be stripped. 
Bates?
No, please. 
Let me go, I will do it.
- Please, tell me...
- Silence.
Now undress behind the screen.
Hurry up, we haven't got all night.
When you've finished, report here.
Put your clothes on the table.
Do as you're told.
One trouser suit, suede with cap and belt to match one pair of panties, black one blouse, black... and one pair of shoes.
No, no, and those.
What?
- Madam...
- The watch and the ring.
And the cross.
Sign at the bottom.
Thank you, Bates.
In there.
Under the shower.
Wash yourself properly.
All over.
It is cold!
Wash yourself or someone will do it for you.
I think Monsieur Desade plays tricks on me, yes?
You are detained at Her Majesty's pleasure.
But I have done nothing wrong. 
I have me to visit Monsieur Desade's mother.
Where is Mark? 
Where is he, please?
Mark? 
Mark!
Your name is Ann-Marie de Vrney age 19, born in Avignon, France, but resident in London.
Your occupation is... modeling.
- Yes, but I...
- You are here to serve semen according to the proper moral and disciplinary standards for conviction of a serious charge - for exposing yourself unclothed without shame for monetary gain, to a photographer, in public, on the eleventh day of April last.
For which outrage against public decency a corrupt and permissive London court fined you ten pounds and discharged you.
Then I am free.
Why am I here? 
Where is Mark?
Please, I want to see him.
- Why are you...?
- Speak when you're spoken to!
- Who is this?
- Ann-Marie de Verney.
- Ann-Marie...
- De Verney.
Er, de Verney.
When I me into court, you were asking, if I am not mistaken why you were in the dock.
I propose to enlighten you.
This court, my dear young lady exists outside the statutory laws of this land.
It is a private court.
We are constituted here by private charter within the walls of this fine, historic building that mas once a county jail to pass what we regard as proper sentence on depraved females of every category with whom the effete and misguided courts of Great Britain today have been too lenient.
- Immorality and...
- I have done nothing.
I'll not warn you again and must not be tolerated.
We do not countenance here reformers, prison welfare visitors, or chaplains.
We do not provide comfortable looms with chintz curtains and televisions.
This, young woman, is a real prison, a proper... er... proper...
- House of correction.
- A proper house of correction! 
Mmm...
During your NT-
Errr... during your stay here the length of which will be determined by your conduct, any attempt to escape, any disturbance you may create any refusal to obey the orders of Mrs Wakehurst,
the governess who sits here with me, or the members of the staff will meet with prompt, persuasive and painful punishment.
We trust that when the time comes for you to leave you will be a more fit person to talus your place in society.
And may God bless you.
No...
No!
Move the prisoner, Walker.
Bates, remain here with me.
Non!
Enjoy displaying your naked body in public, de Verney?
Do you get a thrill out of it?
I think you pretend to be terribly blasé about it but you'd talus any opportunity of having a man leer at you.
I'm fight, aren't I?
You'd think I wouldn't guess that.
I can read you like a book.
- That's your bunk. 
Get... up!
You will lie on it until otherwise directed.
We're the only people who can help you, de Verney.
There's nobody to flaunt yourself at here.
Nobody to tease.
I'm going to make you ashamed of your body.
I'm going to see to that personally.
Talking is at all times strictly forbidden.
Except when answering a prison officer.
- How many are here?
- Shhh.
But she has gone.
Please, tell me why.
All fight, Bates. 
But there are too many vague suspicions in your reports.
There's no smoke without fire. 
It's probable the Vaughan girl is smuggling food.
- Bring me evidence tomorrow 
- Yes, madam.
Ah, Walker. 
I intend to relieve Justice Bailey of some of his responsibilities.
There seems little point in going on reporting new prisoners to him.
He remembers nothing, ifs a waste of time.
In future, bring the details to me alone.
- Yes, madam.
- Good.
Is everything under control?
Yes, madam, I think so.
- Think so?
- De Verney could be a problem, madam.
She will not be a problem, Walker She will not.
I do not want a repetition of what happened before.
If there are problems, Walker - and you, Bates - 
- I shall want to know the reason why.
- Yes, madam.
Good.
Oh, Walker...
I want Bates here with me tomorrow.
We haven't finished the inventory.
You go into town and gel the provisions.
Yes, madam.
- Good night.
- Good night, madam.
- Margaret?
- Yes?
- Would you like a drink, my dear?
- I'll do it.
I told Walker and Bates that I shall be handling new admissions in future.
Make things easier for you.
I find it very difficult to tell the king from the queen. 
They feel exactly alike.
I dare say one is taller than the other.
- Do you hear me, Desmond?
- Yes, my dear.
What was the name of the girl I sentenced today?
Oh, you've been told three times already.
She reminded me of the Hansen girl, Claudine Hansen.
She was French too.
That was a long time ago.
A long time? 
Oh, no. 
Five years.
It's nearly 30, Desmond.
30 years? 
It couldn't be I remember it distinctly.
It was 1946. 
You were a High Court judge and I was in charge of Coswell Grange.
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
Oh dear, is it that long ago?
It seems so clear.
I can remember your very words on the telephone.
'Desmond, you've got to help me.
It's all gone wrong.
"They're blaming me for the girl's suicide " That's what you said.
Yes, you can remember that, can't you?
You can remember things from 30 years ago but not things that matter.
You can't remember that you failed to get me reinstated.
I was doing my duty.
The stupid girl was unstable.
But you can't remember that, or the days of the week or the names of prisoners you met five minutes ago.
What did you do that for, Margaret?
I'll never remember where they were.
There are pieces all on the floor.
Desmond, I'm convinced that no useful purpose is being served by your remaining in office at this prison.
Don't speak to me like that, Margaret.
While you remain here, so will I.
It is no more your prison than it is mine.
We started it together because we believed in the same things. 
And we still do.
Justice for those on whom justice has not been served.
But justice must be seen to be done.
You pitiless woman.
Do you think I am blind from choice?
Do you think that for one minute in 25 years I have become reconciled to this miserable darkness?
You have no feelings, no idea of how I suffer.
No more than I do, I'm sure.
At least I'm spared the anguish of gazing at your poor tormented face.
If thine eyes offend thee, pluck them out.
- Margaret?
- Pluck them out, I say.
Sorry, madam, I thought you were about to fall.
I thought I'd steady you. 
I'm sorry.
It's all right, Walker. 
It's quite in order.
Well, don't stand there, woman.
You may retire if you wish.
Leave the knife, will you?
Thank you.
My God, it's like a prison at home.
I must go, I'm expected.
I don't want to sound corny, but you can't go on like this.
I know, I know.
- Don't look at me for advice 
- You're a good adviser.
- That's what Ann-Marie always says.
- Yeah, wall, great minds.
Would I be fight in saying that you fancy her a tiny little bit?
I've only bumped into her a few times.
Times enough.
What about you and that gigolo that picked her up at that party on Tuesday?
You must be joking. 
I only saw him on.
- Across a crowded room...
- Yes. 
I don't even know his name.
- You keep on talking about him.
- He was attractive. 
I mean, really.
But I find myself worrying about everyone she goes out with.
- Why?
- Well, she's young. 
She's, what, 19?
And it was me that got the agency to bring her over here.
- I feel responsible for her.
- Well, don't.
I'm sure she can look after herself.
- This is the girl.
She takes food from the tables to her ll.
Why should she do a silly thing like that, an intelligent girl like Vaughan?
Why did you do it, Vaughan?
Hmm? 
Don't we feed you well enough?
- Well, me on, tell me.
- Don't we feed you well enough?
- Yes, madam.
- Then why do you steal?
- I can't help it, I gel so hungry.
So we don't feed you enough, then?
You don't know what you're talking about, do you?
- Third time, isn't it?
- Yes, madam.
What is this noise?
A fine way to start the day.
I caught the Vaughan girl, madam, stealing.
Selfish and despicable.
By taking this communal bread to satisfy your gluttony, you deprive others.
- I will not tolerate stealing.
- Third time offender, madam.
- Really?
- You know what this means?
- No!
- Take her away.
- No! 
No!
No! 
No!
This is the only way we can talk.
Look down towards that end of the corridor I'll check this end.
If you see or hear anyone coming, anyone at all get over to the Bible sharp. 
OK?
Yes.
I'm in for shoplifting, so-called. 
You?
Well, I am a model.
I did some, er, nude work in Kensington Gardens
- And they fined me.
- Pretty typical.
But how did they bring you here?
Same way as you, dear.
- Mark.
- He's Wakehurst and the judge's son.
- Shut up, you silly c.
Look down the corridor.
I don't believe this is happening.
Take it from me, they're all mad, every one of them.
We just have to go on playing their game of prisoners and warders.
The risk just isn't worth it.
But when the people leave here, surely they must go to the police.
Oh, you don't gel it, do you?
Nobody leaves here. 
Nobody.
You just try and do as you're told for as long as you can.
They give you three chances.
The first time you step out of line, they put you in solitary for two weeks.
The second time, they flog you.
And the third time, you're finished.
- They hang you.
Oh, God, no.
Like Karen this morning, it was her last chance.
You mean... you mean... they will hang her?
Tomorrow, most likely.
No, this cannot be.
- It will be.
- No.
They'll probably kill me too, love.
We must save her.
- Come in.
Vaughan's death warrant, madam.
Yes.
Yes, that's all in order.
I'll sea that it's passed on to Justice Bailey as usual.
Execution is set for dawn tomorrow.
See that the scaffold is prepared.
I'll inspect it with Walker after lunch.
Miss Walker is on rations duly this afternoon.
Yes, of course. 
Then it will have to be you.
Oh, thank you, madam.
I won't do it again.
I promise I'll never do it again.
I'll eat one meal a day.
Bread and water.
I'll be whipped.
Just tell her I'll be whipped.
I'll do anything. 
Please, I'll do anything.
Sit down!
I don't know. 
I don't know, Ann-Marie.
It would be my second time.
If we fail, you will be whipped, yes, and I will be put in solitary confinement.
This is know. 
But we will not fail.
We will save Karen.
We must save Karen.
Then she will save us all.
Walker does the flogging, and I don't think I could take it.
We must look for the first possible chance.
It could be sooner than we think.
It's Walker going into town to buy stuff for the week.
That's lucky. 
Usually Bates goes.
Look, she's handing over the hays.
She'll be gone about an hour.
Oh, what are we even talking about it for? 
It's hopeless.
But we try. 
Yes?
If anything goes wrong
- Please, Claire.
- All fight, we'll do it.
Standing about, eh? 
Taking it easy?
You'll be in trouble if them Bible passages aren't learnt.
First offender, aren't you?
Tonight you'll be...
Miss Walker!
- It's no good, Batesy, she's miles away.
O Lord our God, we thank Thee for this mercy that having graced ourselves with Thy food we may make it our meat and drink to do Thy gracious will.
- Through Jesus...
- I have work to do.
If Walker returns, tell her I am with Bates.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord. 
Amen.
- Now we must find the death cell.
- We must be quick.
Bates-
Ohhh...
Bates!
Bates!
Bates?
Ba...
- We're in the wrong part of the building.
- We must be quick.
Here! 
Here!
- Come on, quick.
- No, I'll be caught. 
Please leave me.
- We have the hey. 
We're going to be free.
- No, we'll never gel away from here.
You're not going to disrupt my prison!
Not again, Hansen, I shan't let you disrupt this prison.
Cross me again and I'll finish you.
- All right, Walker?
- Everything's ready, madam.
You're gonna cop it this time. 
You're gonna be sorry for what you done to me.
- Sign this, will you?
- What is it?
- Karen Vaughan's release.
- Oh, good, good.
- Er, where do I...?
- There.
- When is she leaving?
- Now.
Oh, that's most encouraging news.
She's learnt her lesson, I am sure.
May I see her before she goes?
No, she's just on her way out.
Bring the prisoner.
- You're a sadist.
- I know, I know. 
I'll tell her tonight.
What do you think she must feel like?
If you want me to tell her tonight, I will.
It's not a case of what I want, it's your decision.
I made the decision, I've just got to carry it out.
- What are you doing?
- Sony, I was just checking something.
I was right. 
Ann-Marie went away on the 27th. 
Nine days she's been away.
- Not all that again.
- It's strange.
She hasn't phoned or written. 
It's funny.
She's having an affair.
Would you phone if you were away with me?
- Course I would.
- Thank you.
- Don't worry about it.
- I think I ought to tell the police.
Julia, you're behaving like a Jewish mother.
It can't do any harm. 
We n ll in on the way back to the office. 
Please.
Well, you can do it, I'm not. 
Come on.
- Well?
- Well, we'll do our best, madam.
She wasn't found mutilated in a pond, then?
- No. 
I felt a bit of an idiot.
- What?
What could I say?
Her name's Ann-Marie de Verney and she's somewhere in England.
Mark! 
Mark!
- What is it?
Mark Desade. 
The one from the pally.
- How could I forget?
That's who she's gone away with. 
I can ring up the agency and gel his address.
- Simple as that.
- Sounds suspiciously like spying to me.
OK, Ted, thanks a lot. 
That's all right. 
Bye.
- Well, I didn't imagine it.
- What?
You wouldn't believe this, but nobody at that party knows anything about Mark Desade not even Ted, though he was pissed.
I don't like it, Tony, I really don't.
Well, I've got my own problems to sort out tonight. 
Wish me luck.
Good luck.
And David executed in judgment and justice onto all his people.
You've got until six to learn it properly. 
You too, Jennings.
You will be asked questions.
- Take them to their cells.
- Get along.
- You OK?
- Think so.
- Hows Ann-Marie?
- Don't know. 
Another four days to go.
Did I hear talking?
- Damn!
That girl's intimidating me.
- Which girl?
- Which, what, why, whom. 
Hansen.
- Hansen?
- Oh, de Verney.
I fail to see how, my dear, if she's undergoing solitary confinement.
Because she's French, and she's a troublemaker.
If not for her, I'd still be at Coswell Grange, so would Walker and Bates.
Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.
I see only facts.
- You and me and this prison and the danger ifs in.
De Verney will destroy us, Desmond.
I know it.
We must get rid of her as soon as possible.
Get rid of her?
Get rid of her.
But she has committed only one offence We may yet be able to save her.
Ann-Marie?
Oh, don't touch me.
What have they done to you?
I must gel you away from here.
Why? 
You brought me here for your mother and father to torture me.
No, that's not true.
I brought you here, yes, but I didn't know.
Oh, Ann-Marie.
I don't know where to start.
Let me try to explain. 
Please.
A long time ago.
My mother was a prison governess, one of the youngest in the country.
There was some trouble, reports of brutal treatment, and a girl died.
Anyway, there was an inquiry. 
I don't know much about it but somehow my father he was head of the prison commission - he got her exonerated.
But she was dismissed from the prison service.
My father left his wife and bought this place for my mother just like people buy railway stations or windmills to live in.
They set up home together and I was born a year later, 1947.
I think I was bit an embarrassment to them, being illegitimate and I was sent to boarding school and than university.
I'd come to visit them every six months.
Then I found they'd got these crazy ideas about the courts being ineffective and the country going to rack and ruin.
They said they can do something about it by lecture young offenders on the principles of right and wrong.
They'd find names reading in the newspapers and asked me to find them and bring them down.
I thought it would all be a bit of a joke with my father seating and quoting the Bible at them.
I warned them they'd get into trouble sooneer or later but it seemed to make them happy.
And the months went by and nobody complained so I went on doing it.
I thought they must actually be doing some good. 
I never knew.
Until today.
This part of the building has always been locked, deserted.
I found out everything.
I can never forgive myself.
Never.
For what I've done to you.
For what I've done to all of them.
All of them.
I... 
I can never forgive you, Mark.
But you must go to the police now.
But they're insane. 
Don't you see that?
They're not criminals, they need treatment.
They should be locked away where they can do no further harm.
But I must gel you away from here as soon as possible.
- What about the other girls?
- They as well, one at a time.
This evening, I will unlock your door.
I'll have some transport waiting for you, than after you're all gone, I'll...
I'm sorry, Ann-Marie.
Perhaps one day you'll...
I was going to say perhaps one day you'll understand but that's stupid.
May I kiss you?
Thank you,
What for? 
The kiss or...
Everything.
How fortunate I was passing.
- You thought I overdid it, Bates.
- No, madam.
I was told to make her remember it.
I've seen the look in Mrs Wakehurst's eyes.
The girl won't last the week.
She may not.
It's getting late. 
I don't think there's anything else we can do.
- I'm not giving up.
- Julia, what else is there?
Mark Desade doesn't exist.
There's nobody else to phone.
The NUJ have never heard of him and he gave Jo phoney references.
- And an unobtainable phone number.
- Right.
- You're not going to find him.
- Why go to all that trouble?
- Why pretend he was a writer?
- He was a gatecrasher with a phoney name. 'Mark Decade'!
No, it's more than that.
First he makes sure no one can trace him, then he disappears with Ann-Marie.
You don't know that he's the one she went away with.
No, I don't know. 
Am I being silly?
No, just being you.
Where is your uniform, de Verney?
Uniforms must be worn at all times.
Where is Claire, madam?
She mas a bad influence on you, de Verney. 
We had to move her.
I... 
I was so afraid.
I thought I was going to die.
I think you are dying, de Verney.
Little by little.
First we will kill your vanity.
Then the rest follows of its own accord.
But not yet.
Not tonight.
De Verney?
Ann-Marie. 
Ann-Marie.
Shift, now.
Where are you going with that?
Who's Mummy's little teddy, then, eh?
Oh, you're a good boy, aren't you?
- Please, Estelle, we'll all be flogged.
Shut up!
It's our only chance to get away Wakehurst wants her dead.
Eight, nine, ten.
All right - now! 
Now!
No, no!
She may be inside.
She's out here.
Madam!
It's impossible, she couldn't have done.
Go on, Bates.
- Hang on, love.
All right, darling, me on. 
OK, I've got you.
Come on, round the other side.
You can't stand about in this lot.
That's it. 
Soon have you in the dry.
- Hang on.
There we are. 
That's it.
Can't you say anything?
Can't you say anything?
Can't you say anything, darling?
How are you feeling?
- Can't you say?
I'm taking you to the hospital.
Where?
Hey! 
Hey. male!
- Do you know of any hospital round here?
- Er, hospital?
I think I passed one back there. 
Hospital, nursing home, something like that.
- Anything the matter?
- Yeah.
I've got a girl here not feeling too good Whom is this place?
Keep going a couple of miles, it's on the left.
- Right, cheers.
- Cheers.
There you go.
Hello?
- Spooky bloody place, this.
Er, I'm sorry to trouble you, lady, somebody told me this was a hospital.
- I'm afraid it isn't.
- Well, listen, I...
I wonder, could I use your telephone?
I found a girl on the road, she's in a bad way.
This is a private clinic but... it looks very serious indeed.
I think you'd better bring her inside.
Sure. 
Thanks a lot.
Poor child. 
Did she... 
Did she tell you what had happened to her?
Couldn't gel any sense out of her.
She was babbling, delirious, but she never said a word.
- That's why I was worried.
- I'm sure. 
Are you all right?
- Yes, I've got her.
- This way.
Is this yours?
Here, careful. 
Her backs red raw.
- Walker?
- A girl, madam.
She was found... er... where?
About five or six miles down the road.
This gentleman found her. 
He has no idea what could have happened to her.
She must've been beaten up by some pervert.
Good gracious.
How lucky you were to find us.
Well, erm... you must, erm...
Well, we must prepare a bed for her immediately.
She's not really bad, is she?
I think she'll be all right, thanks to you.
We'll put her in ward three.
Will you see to that at on?
Please?
- And than we must phone the police 
- Yes, madam.
Well, I expect we've held you up long enough, haven't we?
Oh, no, no, no, that's all right.
I just wanna make sure she's OK.
She'll be all right, Mr, erm...?
- Kind.
- Kind? 
Oh.
Kind in name and nature.
Don't worry, Mr Kind, just leave your address with one of my nurses.
I'm sure the girl will want to contact you when she's better.
Oh, please forgive me for not coming to the door.
I must go and prepare a bed for her.
A good night's sleep will melee all the difference.
Yeah.
Yeah, OK. 
Cheers.
Night.
I'll, er... hear from you, then?
Yes.
Yeah.
Funny old place, this.
It's old.
Yeah.
Cheers, then.
Goodbye.
- You thought you could outwit me.
I suppose it was Claudine Hansen who taught you to creep up behind people and attack them.
- You've burned your boats this time.
- Hasn't she, Walker?
- She's beyond redemption.
- Quite beyond, quite beyond.
Prepare the death ll.
She'll be executed tomorrow.
'Ello, lads, how's it going?
- All right, Jack? 
Going north?
- Yeah.
You're lovely.
Ban, two eggs, sausage, chips, large coffee, four lumps, delivery to my place later, eh?
- What you got on?
- Nothing, I'm picking up.
'Owned rocks Spurs', eh?
Two in the first half and another five minutes from time.
- That's funny.
- What's funny?
That is. 
I know that bird.
Yeah, that's her fa all fight.
- What is it?
- No. 
No, it can't be.
- What's up with you?
- I thought I recognised her.
Your missus, is it? 
Making a bit on the side?
Jack! 
Tea, sausage and chips.
Right.
I think Jacks fancying a bit of the extramaritals.
Come on, you lot, let's have some room.
- On, bloody...
- Watch it.
- I'll gel a cloth.
- It's only a newspaper.
It's gone all over your friend.
Lot's have another look.
Yeah, help yourself. 
Do you really know her?
I picked this girl up last night.
- Yeah?
- She'd been beaten up.
I drove her to some clinic a couple of miles outside of Penlaunce.
I let her there to be taken care of.
Yeah, well?
Unless I'm going blind or soft in the head, this girl is her.
- Go on.
- I'm certain of it.
Where you going?
I'm gonna phone this paper for her name.
Well, this kid was in a bad way last night.
She was babbling, only half-conscious.
Supposing they can't identify her?
Find out the name, next of kin.
I reckon the paper will know who she is.
Get in touch with the people and tell them she's in dock.
It's not your problem, Jack.
Oh, I know.
But you just can't leave it, can you?
- Oh, Christ.
- Hello?
- The deed is done.
- So I'm gonna need a bed.
- What do you mean?
- Sony, that's marvelous.
- Is it a chore?
No, it's not that.
Ann-Marie's been found in Penlaunce.
She's had an accident but she's OK.
A lorry driver took her to a clinic.
- How?
- He saw her in the paper, phoned the paper, who phoned the agency.
Where?
- I don't know, I couldn't find the number.
He didn't know the name of the place.
I was on my way to catch a train to see her.
I'll be back tonight.
Come round after work, I'll leave a hay under the mat.
- See you later, Tony.
- Bye.
Oh. 
Could you tell me where the clinic is?
- The what?
- Apparently there's a private clinic here.
A big old building, about a mile from town.
There's a place up there, high wall around it.
- Yes, that's it.
- I don't think it's a clinic.
I think so. 
Thanks a lot.
Thought it was the old jail.
Is this the clinic?
Who do you want?
I believe a girl named Ann-Marie de Verney was brought here.
- I wondered if I could see her.
- There's nobody of that name hero.
This is a clinic? 
I was told it was.
Wail there, would you?
Since you asked so nicely.
- Do sit down.
- Thank you.
- I'm sorry, I wasn't told your name.
- It's Julia King.
I'm afraid I've used you a lot of trouble.
I'm not even sure if I'm in the right place
I couldn't ascertain whether this mas a clinic.
It is, yes, but private patients only.
I think the lorry driver I spoke to was sure he brought Ann-Marie here last night.
Last night?
Oh. 
What does your friend look like?
Young, long fair hair, about five foot, pretty.
Oh, but surely that was...?
What was her name?
Phillips. 
The Phillips girl.
Now I wasn't here myself last night but I think a girl was admitted.
Nurse, er, Johnson dealt with it.
Er, yes, here it is. 
Rosemary Phillips.
Mmm, usual thing, hitchhiking, attacked on the road.
She wasn't hurt badly.
Yes, that mas the girl I saw this morning Her parents collected her.
- She didn't have a French ant?
- Oh, no. 
Quite obviously another girl.
It seems as though I've me all this way for nothing.
- Not too far, I hope.
- Yes, London.
How maddening.
May we drive you to the station?
No, thank you. 
I'm grateful for your help.
I'm sorry you had such a long journey.
Never mind. 
Oh, there is one thing.
Could I ring my boyfriend?
He might pick me up at Paddington.
- I don't think the phones...
- I'll pay, of course. 
It's long-distance.
- Why not?
- No reply.
Hello?
Oh, Julia. 
Yes, I've just got in.
Dead end. 
Yes, I thought it mas too good to be true.
- Still, I'm coming back now
Mark!
Trouble, Tony! 
Terrible trouble! 
Help me!
The clinic...
Julia? 
Julia!
- Hello?
- You have abused your privilege.
- Where's Ann-Marie? 
I want to see her.
Do you now? 
Well, then, you shall.
Well? 
Do you want to see her or don't you?
- Ann-Marie?
Cut her down! 
Cut her down!
For what purpose?
She's been dead for some hours.
How did it happen?
Now, really, my dear.
What's been happening here?
What made her do it?
Young woman, you appear to be fully aware. 
This is a prison.
Those locked in it are criminals.
De Verney did not commit suicide, she mas justly executed for breaking the law.
You mean you've... you killed her?
I do not propose to enter into a discussion.
- You murdered her!
- Quiet.
- I'm going for the police 
- You will not!
You challenge my authority to overthrow me as governess? 
You must be insane.
You'll be tried for conspiracy.
Lock her up and prepare the courtroom.
Conspiracy... conspiracy.
There can be only one penalty.
Let me go, damn you!
Get your hands off me.
You misunderstand.
We only want you to keep your mouth shut.
I'm not giving you that satisfaction.
- I'll stand here and scream the place down.
- Walker!
- Get on with it.
- This is wrong, Margaret.
Gel on with it or I'll do it myself.
Julia King, you are charged with conspiring to pervert the course of justice.
How do you plead? 
Guilty or not guilty?
That woman is a murderess! 
She killed Ann-Marie de Verney in cold blood.
Shut her up, Walker.
- What did she say?
- Pass semen, Desmond.
She's a dangerous psychopath and must be hanged.
Excuse me. 
Is there a... clinic round here?
A private clinic, something like that?
Not that I know of, no.
OK, thanks.
Is there a clinic round here, a hospital?
No, no.
Prisoner at the bar, have you anything to say before I pass sentence?
- This is a travesty, a travesty of justice.
All right.
Let her say one thing. 
One thing only.
I'll play your game.
I want to see my lawyer.
- Denied.
- That's illegal!
I won't be tried without...
Condemn her, condemn her.
Julia King... you have been convicted of conspiring to pervert the course of justice.
Get her! 
Get her back!
The verdict of this court is that you be taken from here to a place of execution where you will be hanged by the neck until you are dead.
And... may the Lord have...
mercy on your soul.
You won't gel rid of me a second time.
Oh, no, I'll see to that.
I was told there's a clinic in this area.
Do you know where it is?
- You mean a hospital, like?
- Yes.
- I don't think so. 
Henry?
- Mm?
- Is there an hospital round here?
- Don't know.
There might be. 
What about that woman that comes in every week?
- She's got a nurse's uniform.
- What woman?
The one who gels the big order every Saturday.
- Her? 
Oh, lor.
- What did you say?
She always wears a sort of grey tunic but...
- Where does she me from?
- I don't know.
She drives in from that direction.
I thought she might come from that big old place on the right going up.
Hey, but that's only a guess though.
Margaret?
I'm going to gel you, Hansen.
You think I'm going to let you pay this time...
I'm going to get you, Hansen.
You think you're going to pay me but this time you're not.
I was the only one who saw the rot the disease at Coswell Grange, wasn't I?
But they wouldn't listen, though.
And they didn't see it.
Girls.
Filthy, depraved animals.
Treating it like a holiday hotel.
And than running out to commit more crime, pollute society.
And laughing at me, all of them.
And Hansen.
She laughed.
But I made the punishment fit the crime taught the animal to obey.
Suicide, they said.
They didn't know, though, did they?
Do you hear that, Hansen?
I will not be dismissed.
Are you laughing at me now, Hansen?
I'm going to slop you laughing when I find you.
- Margaret?
Margaret.
What have you... done?
Mark...
I found her.
I didn't do il.
Mummy didn't do it.
Mummy wouldn't do a thing like that.
She loves you.
Please get up. 
Nothing's happened.
- Quick, madam.
We're getting out.
Where is she, Bates?
- Bring her to me
- We must go, madam.
Jesus Christ.
Do you mind if I ask you ladies a couple of questions?
Margaret? 
Margaret!
- Oh, dear Lord.
M... 
Margaret.
Oh, God...
If there be a controversy between men and they come to judgment that the judges may judge them then they shall justify the righteous and condemn the wicked.
And it shall be if the wicked man be worthy to be beaten that the judge shall use him to lie down and to be beaten before his face, according to his fault, by a certain number.
Forty stripes he may give him and not exceed lest, if he should exceed, and beat him above these with many stripes then thy brother should seem vile unto thee.

- Monsieur...
- Huh?
- Aidez-moi.
Aidez-moi.
Christ. 
Hang on, love.
All right, darling, come on.
I've got you. 
Come on, round the other side.
We can't stand about in this.
Soon have you in the dry.
Hang on. 
Here we go.
Ah, that's it.
There you are.
What happened, then, love?
Some bloke, was it?
Hmm? 
Come on, you can tell me.
Back there, he give you a lift or something, did he?
Shouldn't do it, you know, love.
Not out here in the wilds.
Please...
I'm cold.
I'm not surprised.
Look at that dress you're wearing, eh?
What is it you've got on? 
Looks like a bloody bit of sacking or something.
You been to a fancy dress ball?
Bloody hell.
Who did that to you, love?
He deserves to swing for that, whoever he was.
Don't you worry.
He won't get away with it.
I'm gonna drive you to London.
Don't you worry, you're going straight to the law.
Some of these blokes, makes you wonder how their minds work.
Gives you the creeps.
- Where...where is he?
- What, love?
He will come. 
So funny...
M...
E...
D.
I will not...
I will not run away.
Why don't you take it easy, love?
You're all right with me.
Why not try and have a sleep, eh?
Mmm! 
Oh, no, it goes to my head!
- Ann-Marie, come and look.
- What is it?
- What are they doing?
- We're about to unveil you.
Let's have a look.
- The action still of the year.
- What have they cooked up?
- Where did you get it?
- Jo got it from the Evening Standard Press office.
I love that expression.
Priceless, isn't it?
Priceless.
And look at these two old dears.
- Isn't that you behind the car?
- Yeah. 
We'd just finished the session.
Didn't you see it in the papers?
None of them mentioned the product.
They're getting smart.
Sorry, they fined us.
Me and Ann-Marie, £10 each.
What for?
Behaviour likely to use a breach of the peace. 
What a charade.
The clients liked the pictures, though.
Yeah, but she was great, she really looked fantastic.
- Where's she gone?
- I don't know.
Ann-Marie. 
Have a drink - your flatmate's drinking you under the table.
Leave her, Ted, I think she's embarrassed.
What about? 
Not this, surely.
She's a bit touchy about her parents finding out. 
We ought to stop teasing her.
- I don't blame you.
- I'm sorry?
Oh. 
It's all right if they are amused.
It all seems a bit childish to me.
And rather tasteless.
Though I wouldn't say that to anyone else.
- May I get you a drink?
- No, thank you. 
I have enough.
Come and sit down. 
Tell me who you are.
- Ted.
- Yeah?
- Who's that?
- Who's what, my love?
I'm getting a bit bleary-eyed.
That dish chatting up Ann-Marie.
God knows. 
Something Jo picked up.
What?
- He walked in the office just before it closed and offered our lovely lady an idea for a feature.
She took a fancy to him and invited him to stay. 
Not like her, is it?
- Hmm. 
He must have a fatal charm.
- Or something.
Yes, well, we'd better find you a little friend of your own, my darling.
Come and meet some of my eligible fellow slaves. 
See if we can sober 'em up.
Gentlemen, let me introduce you to the lovely Julia King.
There's an article on 12th-century ceramics and an Ezra Pound poem between a huge Negress in chains and Warhol on the loo.
- What are you reading?
- Escort.
Ted thrust it into my hands when I left the party, said I ought to gen up on men's tastes.
I don't think they know about the men's tastes.
That's the secret - they don't.
They just tell them what they think they ought to have a taste for.
And the poor suckers believe them.
- Talking of escorts... when's yours arriving?
- I am to meet him. 
I must hurry.
- The one that chatted you up at the party?
- Chatted me up? 
Yes.
- He's a fast worker.
- Mmm...
- He is charming. 
He is different. 
You know.
- I see.
- May I borrow your mirror? 
Mine's broken.
- Go ahead.
- Hey, you're still wet.
- Am I?
He's a writer, isn't he?
- Is he?
- Didn't he say?
He said so little. 
We talked about me.
- What's his name?
- Mark. 
Er, Mark Desade.
And when am I going to meet him?
Julia! 
You have Tony.
Yes, I have Tony. 
He'd better remember to bring wine.
He will not take you out tonight?
We thought we'd eat in for a change.
You should get him to take you somewhere nice to eat.
- What, with the whole place to ourselves?
- Oh, I see.
Madame asked me to me down and show a dress to a client.
I think I look nice in the dress and Madame let me model a little.
Then I go to Panama for a few months then I meet Julia, who say I should go to work for her boss in London.
So I go to London where I do much photographic work.
And that is my life.
- Why are you so nervous?
- Nervous?
I? 
What do you mean?
Something in your voice, your eyes I think you're afraid of me.
Oh, but no. 
I am a little...excited, that is all.
Why should I be afraid?
Why not? 
You are alone with a man who you don't know.
And we all fear the unknown.
It's natural.
But I do know you. 
And I like you.
Why, even at the party, you were the only one who really understand.
This is true, Mark.
Let me show you something.
- Comment?
- A little experiment to prove what I say.
You'll find it interesting.
Just close your eyes.
- Ohhh...
- No, come on, close your eyes.
But promise to keep them closed all the time.
OK.
- Are they closed?
- Oui, Monsieur.
Good. 
Now I want you to imagine something.
Can you remember the way the table is laid out?
Do you remember the knives by the plates?
The steak knives with the serrated edges?
Do you know serrated?
A dozen razor-sharp little notches on each blade.
What sharpness.
They go through steak just like that.
Now I'm picking one up... and I'm looking at it.
I daren't even touch it with my finger because the slightest pressure would make a cut.
I'm going to bring the knife closer to you.
I'm reaching out across the table and I'm holding the knife very close to your face.
The blade has the finest, thinnest cutting edge imaginable.
It's almost touching your face.
If you were to move your face just one eighth of an inch it would slice through your cheek just like...
Only an ice cube.
- But I felt... 
I felt...
- What?
- The blood.
- You thought I would cut your face.
But anybody would, mm.
I'm sorry. 
I shouldn't have done it.
It was only a joke.
- Will you forgive me?
- I was so frightened.
It's only a joke.
- Where do these go?
- In that drawer.
There's all these saucepans yet.
Leave it.
- No.
- Let's leave it.
- Why?
- Because I want to...
"To get back to my wife."
Oh, that was nasty. 
I'm sorry.
Let's get on with it before Froggy gets home.
She won't be back yet.
She's got a big yearning for that writer.
- Who's he?
- Some dishy number from the Escort party.
- Hey, what's this?
- What's what?
- It's a fuse!
- Tony.
I can't fix it, I'm useless with my hands.
You're kidding.
- You'll have to pay for that.
- But not for this.
Thank you.
What for? 
The kiss or the dinner?
Both. 
Everything.
It has been so wonderful.
I have enjoyed it so much.
What an unusual ring.
Let me see. 
What does it say?
M...
E...
D.
Mark E. Desade.
Mark E. Desade.
- What's the matter?
- Oh...
It just sounds a little like something else.
Mark E. Desade - the Marquis de Sade.
You know.
No. 
Who is he?
Nobody. 
You coming in?
Won't we disturb your flatmate?
No. 
She has her room and I have mine.
No. 
Not tonight.
I must do some writing.
But...won't I see you again?
- This weekend, if you're free.
- Oh! 
Yes, please!
I'd like to take you to visit my parents, meet my mother.
Oh, Marky, you are so funny.
And so old-fashioned!
I thought you didn't like me.
- I'm sorry.
- No, it is nice.
I would like to meet your mother but perhaps she wouldn't like me.
You're French.
She likes the French?
Then we shall be very happy.
We could drive down on Friday.
It is a long way, no?
Quite. 
It's a date, then?
Yes, it's a date, 'Marquis de Sade'!
- Where are you off to?
- Oh, Julia, the photographer made me work an extra hour and I am late.
- He is here and I am not ready.
- Who's here? 
Where are you going?
- I'm going away for the weekend.
Oh, yes, to meet somebody's mum.
Was that the writer, the male model or the producer?
- Yes, yes.
- Well, that answered my question.
- Did you get her a present?
- We will stop to buy something.
Goodbye, Julia. 
I must hurry. 
Goodbye.
Have a nice time.
Oh, this is so beautiful.
Is it a long way to your mother's, Mark?
Where does she live? 
Mark?
Mark, drive a little more slowly, please.
I'm... 
I...
- Yes?
- I'm a little frightened.
Mark, we will stop to get the present, won't we?
You haven't forgotten?
There's still a long way to go.
But I want to buy your mother something nice.
Mark, have I upset you in some way?
Please tell me.
Where are we, Mark?
Why did you do that?
It is dangerous, no?
Do what? 
Go to sleep, Ann-Marie.
Stop asking questions.
Are we here, Mark?
- Is this your home?
- It looks so big.
Wait here.
Madame Desade?
- You're late.
- I, er...
Are you coming?
Where is Mark? 
Monsieur Desade.
I have me to...
- You French?
- Yes.
In there.
Well, good night, I guess. 
Mm?
Take off your clothes and leave them on the table, all of them.
And your shoes.
- ls something the matter with your hearing?
- What?
There seems to be.
You are both deaf and insolent.
Who are you? 
What is this place?
Where's Monsieur Desade?
There are two easy rules in this institution.
- Institution?
- Shut up.
Instructions are to be obeyed and each officer must be addressed as Madam.
I should not be here.
I should not be here...what?
- I don't understand.
- You are not in this room to understand.
You are to be bathed before putting on your uniform.
- Now get your clothes off.
- I will not.
This is not where I should be.
I will go to find Monsieur Desade.
- No!
- Now...
Now then, we will continue the customary reception routine.
Since you are not willing to undress, you will have to be stripped. 
Bates?
No, please. 
Let me go, I will do it.
- Please, tell me...
- Silence.
Now undress behind the screen.
Hurry up, we haven't got all night.
When you've finished, report here.
Put your clothes on the table.
Do as you're told.
One trouser suit, suede with cap and belt to match one pair of panties, black one blouse, black... and one pair of shoes.
No, no, and those.
What?
- Madam...
- The watch and the ring.
And the cross.
Sign at the bottom.
Thank you, Bates.
In there.
Under the shower.
Wash yourself properly.
All over.
It is cold!
Wash yourself or someone will do it for you.
I think Monsieur Desade plays tricks on me, yes?
You are detained at Her Majesty's pleasure.
But I have done nothing wrong.
I have come to visit Monsieur Desade's mother.
Where is Mark? 
Where is he, please?
Mark? 
Mark!
Your name is Ann-Marie Di Verney age 19, born in Avignon, France, but resident in London.
Your occupation is...modeling.
- Yes, but I...
- You are here to serve sentence according to the proper moral and disciplinary standards for conviction of a serious charge - for exposing yourself unclothed without shame for monetary gain, to a photographer, in public, on the eleventh day of April last.
For which outrage against public decency a corrupt and permissive London court fined you ten pounds and discharged you.
Then I am free.
Why am I here? 
Where is Mark?
Please, I want to see him.
- Why are you...?
- Speak when you're spoken to!
- Who is this?
- Ann-Marie Di Verney.
- Ann-Marie...
- Di Verney.
Er, Di Verney.
When I came into court, you were asking, if I am not mistaken why you were in the dock.
I propose to enlighten you.
This court, my dear young lady exists outside the statutory laws of this land.
It is a private court.
We are constituted here by private charter within the walls of this fine, historic building that was once a county jail to pass what we regard as proper sentence on depraved females of every category with whom the effete and misguided courts of Great Britain today have been too lenient.
- Immorality and...
- I have done nothing.
I'll not warn you again and must not be tolerated.
We do not countenance here reformers, prison welfare visitors, or chaplains.
We do not provide comfortable rooms with chintz curtains and televisions.
This, young woman, is a real prison, a proper... er... proper...
- House of correction.
- A proper house of correction! 
Mmm...
During your stay--
Errr...during your stay here the length of which will be determined by your conduct, any attempt to escape, any disturbance you may create any refusal to obey the orders of Mrs. Wakehurst,
the Governess who sits here with me, or the members of the staff will meet with prompt, persuasive and painful punishment.
We trust that when the time comes for you to leave you will be a more fit person to take your place in society.
And may God bless you.
No...
No!
Move the prisoner, Walker.
Bates, remain here with me.
No!
Enjoy displaying your naked body in public, Di Verney?
Do you get a thrill out of it?
I think you pretend to be terribly blasé about it but you'd take any opportunity of having a man leer at you.
I'm right, aren't I?
You'd think I wouldn't guess that.
I can read you like a book.
- That's your bunk. 
Get... up!
You will lie on it until otherwise directed.
We're the only people who can help you, Di Verney.
There's nobody to flaunt yourself at here.
Nobody to tease.
I'm going to make you ashamed of your body.
I'm going to see to that personally.
Talking is at all times strictly forbidden.
Except when answering a prison officer.
- How many are here?
- Shhh.
But she has gone.
Please, tell me why.
All right, Bates. 
But there are too many vague suspicions in your reports.
There's no smoke without fire.
It's probable the Vaughan girl is smuggling food.
- Bring me evidence tomorrow 
- Yes, Madam.
Ah, Walker. 
I intend to relieve Justice Bailey of some of his responsibilities.
There seems little point in going on reporting new prisoners to him.
He remembers nothing, it's a waste of time.
In future, bring the details to me alone.
- Yes, Madam.
- Good.
Is everything under control?
Yes, Madam, I think so.
- Think so?
- Di Verney could be a problem, Madam.
She will not be a problem, Walker She will not.
I do not want a repetition of what happened before.
If there are problems, Walker - and you, Bates - 
- I shall want to know the reason why.
- Yes, Madam.
Good.
Oh, Walker...
I want Bates here with me tomorrow.
We haven't finished the inventory.
You go into town and get the provisions.
Yes, Madam.
- Good night.
- Good night, Madam.
- Margaret?
- Yes?
- Would you like a drink, my dear?
- I'll do it.
I told Walker and Bates that I shall be handling new admissions in future.
Make things easier for you.
I find it very difficult to tell the King from the Queen.
They feel exactly alike.
I dare say one is taller than the other.
- Do you hear me, Desmond?
- Yes, my dear.
What was the name of the girl I sentenced today?
Oh, you've been told three times already.
She reminded me of the Hansen girl, Claudine Hansen.
She was French too.
That was a long time ago.
A long time? 
Oh, no. 
Five years.
It's nearly 30, Desmond.
30 years? 
It couldn't be I remember it distinctly.
It was 1946. 
You were a High Court judge and I was in charge of Coswell Grange.
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
Oh dear, is it that long ago?
It seems so clear.
I can remember your very words on the telephone.
"Desmond, you've got to help me.
It's all gone wrong."
"They're blaming me for the girl's suicide." That's what you said.
Yes, you can remember that, can't you?
You can remember things from 30 years ago but not things that matter.
You can't remember that you failed to get me reinstated.
I was doing my duty.
The stupid girl was unstable.
But you can't remember that, or the days of the week or the names of prisoners you met five minutes ago.
What did you do that for, Margaret?
I'll never remember where they were.
There are pieces all on the floor.
Desmond, I'm convinced that no useful purpose is being served by your remaining in office at this prison.
Don't speak to me like that, Margaret.
While you remain here, so will I.
It is no more your prison than it is mine.
We started it together because we believed in the same things.
And we still do.
Justice for those on whom justice has not been served.
But justice must be seen to be done.
You pitiless woman.
Do you think I am blind from choice?
Do you think that for one minute in 25 years I have become reconciled to this miserable darkness?
You have no feelings, no idea of how I suffer.
No more than I do, I'm sure.
At least I'm spared the anguish of gazing at your poor tormented face.
If thine eyes offend thee, pluck them out.
- Margaret?
- Pluck them out, I say.
Sorry, Madam, I thought you were about to fall.
I thought I'd steady you. 
I'm sorry.
It's all right, Walker.
It's quite in order.
Well, don't stand there, woman.
You may retire if you wish.
Leave the knife, will you?
Thank you.
My God, it's like a prison at home.
I must go, I'm expected.
I don't want to sound corny, but you can't go on like this.
I know, I know.
- Don't look at me for advice 
- You're a good adviser.
- That's what Ann-Marie always says.
- Yeah, well, great minds.
Would I be right in saying that you fancy her a tiny little bit?
I've only bumped into her a few times.
Times enough.
What about you and that gigolo that picked her up at that party on Tuesday?
You must be joking. 
I only saw him once.
- Across a crowded room...
- Yes. 
I don't even know his name.
- You keep on talking about him.
- He was attractive. 
I mean, really.
But I find myself worrying about everyone she goes out with.
- Why?
- Well, she's young. 
She's, what, 19?
And it was me that got the agency to bring her over here.
- I feel responsible for her.
- Well, don't.
I'm sure she can look after herself.
- This is the girl.
She takes food from the tables and takes it to her cell.
Why should she do a silly thing like that...
an intelligent girl like Vaughan?
Why did you do it, Vaughan?
Hmm? 
Don't we feed you well enough?
- Well, come on, tell me.
- Don't we feed you well enough?
- Yes, Madam.
- Then why do you steal?
- I can't help it, I get so hungry.
So we don't feed you enough, then?
You don't know what you're talking about, do you?
- Third time, isn't it?
- Yes, Madam.
What is this noise?
A fine way to start the day.
I caught the Vaughan girl, Madam, stealing.
Selfish and despicable.
By taking this communal bread to satisfy your gluttony, you deprive others.
- I will not tolerate stealing.
- Third time offender, Madam.
- Really?
- You know what this means?
- No!
- Take her away.
- No! 
No!
No! 
No!
This is the only way we can talk.
Look down towards that end of the corridor I'll check this end.
If you see or hear anyone coming, anyone at all get over to the Bible sharp. 
OK?
Yes.
I'm in for shoplifting, so-called. 
You?
Well, I am a model.
I did some, er, nude work in Kensington Gardens
- And they fined me.
- Pretty typical.
But how did they bring you here?
Same way as you, dear.
- Mark.
- He's Wakehurst and the judge's son.
- Shut up, shut up...they'll hear you...
Look down the corridor.
I don't believe this is happening.
Take it from me, they're all mad, every one of them.
We just have to go on playing their game of prisoners and warders.
The risk just isn't worth it.
But when the people leave here, surely they must go to the police.
Oh, you don't get it, do you?
Nobody leaves here. 
Nobody.
You just try and do as you're told for as long as you can.
They give you three chances.
The first time you step out of line, they put you in solitary for two weeks.
The second time, they flog you.
And the third time, you're finished.
- They hang you.
Oh, God, no.
Like Karen this morning, it was her last chance.
You mean...you mean...
they will hang her?
Tomorrow, most likely.
No, this cannot be.
- It will be.
- No.
They'll probably kill me too, love.
We must save her.
- Come in.
Vaughan's death warrant, Madam.
Yes.
Yes, that's all in order.
I'll see that it's passed on to Justice Bailey as usual.
Execution is set for dawn tomorrow.
See that the scaffold is prepared.
I'll inspect it with Walker after lunch.
Miss Walker is on rations duty this afternoon.
Yes, of course. 
Then it will have to be you.
Oh, thank you, Madam.
I won't do it again.
I promise I'll never do it again.
I'll eat one meal a day.
Bread and water.
I'll be whipped.
Just tell her I'll be whipped.
I'll do anything.
Please, I'll do anything.
Sit down!
I don't know. 
I don't know, Ann-Marie.
It would be my second time.
If we fail, you will be whipped, yes, and I will be put in solitary confinement.
This I know. 
But we will not fail.
We will save Karen.
We must save Karen.
Then she will save us all.
Walker does the flogging, and I don't think I could take it.
We must look for the first possible chance.
It could be sooner than we think.
It's Walker going into town to buy stuff for the week.
That's lucky. 
Usually Bates goes.
Look, she's handing over the keys.
She'll be gone about an hour.
Oh, what are we even talking about it for? 
It's hopeless.
But we try. 
Yes?
If anything goes wrong.
- Please, Claire.
- All right, we'll do it.
Standing about, eh? 
Taking it easy?
You'll be in trouble if them Bible passages aren't learnt.
First offender, aren't you?
Tonight you'll be...
Miss Walker!
- It's no good, Batesy, she's miles away.
O Lord our God, we thank Thee for this mercy that having graced ourselves with Thy food we may make it our meat and drink to do Thy gracious will.
- Through Jesus...
- I have work to do.
If Walker returns, tell her I am with Bates.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord. 
Amen.
- Now we must find the death cell.
- We must be quick.
Bates--
Ohhh...
Bates!
Bates!
Bates?
Ba...
- We're in the wrong part of the building.
- We must be quick.
Here! 
Here!
- Come on, quick.
- No, I'll be caught. 
Please leave me.
- We have the key. 
We're going to be free.
- No, we'll never get away from here.
You're not going to disrupt my prison!
Not again, Hansen, I shan't let you disrupt this prison.
Cross me again and I'll finish you.
- All right, Walker?
- Everything's ready, Madam.
You're gonna cop it this time. 
You're gonna be sorry for what you done to me.
- Sign this, will you?
- What is it?
- Karen Vaughan's release.
- Oh, good, good.
- Er, where do I...?
- There.
- When is she leaving?
- Now.
Oh, that's most encouraging news.
She's learnt her lesson, I am sure.
May I see her before she goes?
No, she's just on her way out.
Bring the prisoner.
- You're a sadist.
- I know, I know. 
I'll tell her tonight.
What do you think she must feel like?
If you want me to tell her tonight, I will.
It's not a case of what I want, it's your decision.
I made the decision, I've just got to carry it out.
- What are you doing?
- Sorry, I was just checking something.
I was right. 
Ann-Marie went away on the 27th. 
Nine days she's been away.
- Not all that again.
- It's strange.
She hasn't phoned or written. 
It's funny.
She's having an affair.
Would you phone if you were away with me?
- Course I would.
- Thank you.
- Don't worry about it.
- I think I ought to tell the police.
Julia, you're behaving like a Jewish mother.
It can't do any harm. 
Can it?
We can call in on the way back to the office. 
Please, just for me.
Well, you can do it, I'm not. 
Come on.
- Well?
- Well, we'll do our best, Madam.
She wasn't found mutilated in a pond, then?
- No. 
I felt a bit of an idiot.
- What?
What could I say?
Her name's Ann-Marie Di Verney and she's somewhere in England.
Mark! 
Mark!
- What is it?
Mark Desade. 
The one from the party.
- How could I forget?
That's who she's gone away with. 
I can ring up the agency and get his address.
- Simple as that.
- Sounds suspiciously like spying to me.
OK, Ted, thanks a lot.
That's all right. 
Bye.
- Well, I didn't imagine it.
- What?
You wouldn't believe this, but nobody at that party knows anything about Mark Desade not even Ted, though he was pissed.
I don't like it, Tony, I really don't.
Well, I've got my own problems to sort out tonight. 
Wish me luck.
Good luck.
And David executed in judgment and justice onto all his people.
You've got until six to learn it properly. 
You too, Jennings.
You will be asked questions.
- Take them to their cells.
- Get along.
- You OK?
- Think so.
- Hows Ann-Marie?
- Don't know. 
Another four days to go.
Did I hear talking?
- Damn!
That girl's intimidating me.
- Which girl?
- Which, what, why, whom. 
Hansen.
- Hansen?
- Oh, Di Verney.
I fail to see how, my dear, if she's undergoing solitary confinement.
Because she's French, and she's a troublemaker.
If not for her, I'd still be at Coswell Grange, so would Walker and Bates.
Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.
I see only facts.
- You and me and this prison and the danger it's in.
Di Verney will destroy us, Desmond.
I know it.
We must get rid of her as soon as possible.
Get rid of her?
Get rid of her.
But she has committed only one offence We may yet be able to save her.
Ann-Marie?
Oh, don't touch me.
What have they done to you?
I must get you away from here.
Why? 
You brought me here for your mother and father to torture me.
No, that's not true.
I brought you here, yes, but I didn't know.
Oh, Ann-Marie.
I don't know where to start.
Let me try to explain. 
Please.
A long time ago.
My mother was a prison Governess, one of the youngest in the country.
There was some trouble, reports of brutal treatment, and a girl died.
Anyway, there was an inquiry.
I don't know much about it but somehow my father he was head of the prison commission— he got her exonerated.
But she was dismissed from the prison service.
Myfatherlefthis wife and bought this place for my mother justlikepeoplebuy railwaystations or windmills to live in.
Theysetup hometogether and I was born a year later, 1947.
IthinkIwas bit anembarrassment to them, being illegitimate and everything andI wassenttoboardingschool and then university.
I'dcometo visitthem every six months.
ThenI foundthey'dgot  these crazy ideas about the courts being ineffective andthecountrygoing to rack and ruin.
Theysaidtheycan dosomething about it by lecture young offenders on the principles of right and wrong.
They'dfindnamesreading in the newspapers andaskedme to findthem and bring them down.
Ithoughtit wouldall be a bit of a joke with my father sitting up all night and quoting the Bible at them.
Iwarnedthemthey'dget into trouble sooner or later but it seemed to make them happy.
Andthemonthswentby and nobody complained soI wenton doingit. 
Ithoughttheymustactuallybe doing some good. 
I never knew.
Until today.
This part of the building has always been locked, deserted.
I found out everything.
I can never forgive myself.
Never.
For what I've done to you.
For what I've done to all of them.
All of them.
I... 
I can never forgive you, Mark.
But you must go to the police now.
But they're insane. 
Don't you see that?
They're not criminals, they need treatment.
They should be locked away where they can do no further harm.
But I must get you away from here as soon as possible.
- What about the other girls?
- They as well, one at a time.
This evening, I will unlock your door.
I'll have some transport waiting for you, than after you're all gone, I'll...
I'm sorry, Ann-Marie.
Perhaps one day you'll...
I was going to say perhaps one day you'll understand but that's stupid.
May I kiss you?
Thank you,
What for? 
The kiss or...
Everything.
How fortunate I was passing.
- You thought I overdid it, Bates.
- No, Madam.
I was told to make her remember it.
I've seen the look in Mrs. Wakehurst's eyes.
The girl won't last the week.
She may not.
It's getting late. 
I don't think there's anything else we can do.
- I'm not giving up.
- Julia, what else is there?
Mark Desade doesn't exist.
There's nobody else to phone.
The NUJ have never heard of him and he gave Jo phoney references.
- And an unobtainable phone number.
- Right.
- You're not going to find him.
- Why go to all that trouble?
- Why pretend he was a writer?
- He was a gatecrasher with a phoney name. 'Mark Desade'!
No, it's more than that.
First he makes sure no one can trace him, then he disappears with Ann-Marie.
You don't know that he's the one she went away with.
No, I don't know. 
Am I being silly?
No, just being you.
Where is your uniform, Di Verney?
Uniforms must be worn at all times.
Where is Claire, Madam?
She was a bad influence on you, Di Verney. 
We had to move her.
I... 
I was so afraid.
I thought I was going to die.
I think you are dying, Di Verney.
Little by little.
First we will kill your vanity.
Then the rest follows of its own accord.
But not yet.
Not tonight.
Di Verney?
Ann-Marie. 
Ann-Marie.
Shift, now.
Where are you going with that?
Who's Mummy's little teddy, then, eh?
Oh, you're a good boy, aren't you?
- Please, Estelle, we'll all be flogged.
- Shut up!
It's our only chance to get away.
Wakehurst wants her dead.
Eight, nine, ten.
All right -- now! 
Now!
No, no!
She may be inside.
She's out here.
Madam!
It's impossible, she couldn't have done.
Go on, Bates.
- Hang on, love.
All right, darling, come on.
OK, I've got you.
Come on, round the other side.
You can't stand about in this lot.
That's it. 
Soon have you in the dry.
- Hang on.
There we are. 
That's it.
Can't you say anything?
Can't you say anything?
Can't you say anything, darling?
How are you feeling?
- Can't you say?
I'm taking you to the hospital.
Where?
Hey! 
Hey. mate!
- Do you know of any hospital round here?
- Er, hospital?
I think I passed one back there. 
Hospital, nursing home, something like that.
- Anything the matter?
- Yeah.
I've got a girl here not feeling too good.
Where is this place?
Keep going a couple of miles, it's on the left.
- Right, cheers.
- Cheers.
There you go.
Hello?
- Spooky bloody place, this.
Er, I'm sorry to trouble you, lady, somebody told me this was a hospital.
- I'm afraid it isn't.
- Well, listen, I...
I wonder, could I use your telephone?
I found a girl on the road, she's in a bad way.
This is a private clinic but...it looks very serious indeed.
I think you'd better bring her inside.
Sure. 
Thanks a lot.
Poor child. 
Did she... 
Did she tell you what had happened to her?
Couldn't get any sense out of her.
She was babbling, delirious, but she never said a word.
- That's why I was worried.
- I'm sure. 
Are you all right?
- Yes, I've got her.
- This way.
Is this yours?
Here, careful. 
Her back's red raw.
- Walker?
- A girl, Madam.
She was found...er...where?
About five or six miles down the road.
This gentleman found her. 
He has no idea what could have happened to her.
She must've been beaten up by some pervert.
Good gracious.
How lucky you were to find us.
Well, erm...you must, erm...
Well, we must prepare a bed for her immediately.
She's not really bad, is she?
I think she'll be all right, thanks to you.
We'll put her in Ward Three.
Will you see to that at once?
Please?
- And than we must phone the police 
- Yes, Madam.
Well, I expect we've held you up long enough, haven't we?
Oh, no, no, no, that's all right.
I just wanna make sure she's OK.
She'll be all right, Mr., erm...?
- Kind.
- Kind? 
Oh.
Kind in name and nature.
Don't worry, Mr. Kind, just leave your address with one of my nurses.
I'm sure the girl will want to contact you when she's better.
Oh, please forgive me for not coming to the door.
I must go and prepare a bed for her.
A good night's sleep will make all the difference.
Yeah.
Yeah, OK. 
Cheers.
Night.
I'll, er...hear from you, then?
Yes.
Yeah.
Funny old place, this.
It's old.
Yeah.
Cheers, then.
Goodbye.
- You thought you could outwit me.
I suppose it was Claudine Hansen who taught you to creep up behind people and attack them.
- You've burned your boats this time.
- Hasn't she, Walker?
- She's beyond redemption.
- Quite beyond, quite beyond.
Prepare the death cell.
She'll be executed tomorrow.
'Ello, lads, how's it going?
- All right, Jack? 
Going north?
- Yeah.
You're lovely.
Bacon, two eggs, sausage, chips, large coffee, four lumps, delivery to my place later, eh?
- What you got on?
- Nothing, I'm picking up.
"Owner Rocks Spurs,'' eh?
Two in the first half and another five minutes from time.
- That's funny.
- What's funny?
That is. 
I know that bird.
Yeah, that's her face all right.
- What is it?
- No. 
No, it can't be.
- What's up with you?
- I thought I recognised her.
Your Missus, is it? 
Making a bit on the side?
Jack! 
Tea, sausage and chips.
Right.
I think Jack's fancying a bit of the extramaritals.
Come on, you lot, let's have some room.
- Oh, bloody...
- Watch it.
- I'll get a cloth.
- It's only a newspaper.
It's gone all over your friend.
Let's have another look.
Yeah, help yourself.
Do you really know her?
I picked this girl up last night.
- Yeah?
- She'd been beaten up.
I drove her to some clinic a couple of miles outside of Penlaunce.
I let her there to be taken care of.
Yeah, well?
Unless I'm going blind or soft in the head, this girl is her.
- Go on.
- I'm certain of it.
Where you going?
I'm gonna phone this paper for her name.
Well, this kid was in a bad way last night.
She was babbling, only half-conscious.
Supposing they can't identify her?
Find out the name, next of kin.
I reckon the paper will know who she is.
Get in touch with the people and tell them she's in dock.
It's not your problem, Jack.
Oh, I know.
But you just can't leave it, can you?
- Oh, Christ.
- Hello?
- The deed is done.
- So I'm gonna need a bed.
Did you see me? 
When they hear what I'm doing to old Baccala...
They'll line up to kiss your tail longer than a two-dollar window at the track.
Bad bet.
At Baccala's funeral, they line the streets, hats off.
- Only it ain't for Baccala. 
It's for me.
- Yeah.
Riding in an open convertible right behind the hearse.
- Yeah.
- Kid Sally Palumbo, new boss of the outfit.
- Yeah.
- All right. 
Right.
- Let's count the moneys.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God, meat.
- Oh, crap.
Hey.
- He's eating the freaking money.
- Thanks a lot.
In an exclusive interview with M.E. Landsman  veteran underworld reporter  Sergeant DiNardo of the NYPD Organized Crime Special Attack Unit  pointed out that the murder victims had police records.
- Shit.
- Gesundheit, dear.
Do you know how many people die from rat bites and tenement fires?
- No, dear.
- I am up half the night doing something about the ghettos.
What hits the headlines?
Hoodlums who spare us the expense of burying them.
What? 
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm listening to this thing in Brooklyn.
Isn't that terrible?
Get me Commissioner McGrady.
- This is the mayor.
- Of course, dear.
Can you believe it?
He called before breakfast.
Who is it, Moe Landsman?
Listen, if they wanna shoot each other up God bless them all.
Can't they do it in Jersey?
It's this punk, Sally Palumbo.
He's pushing Baccala.
Well, get on it.
Get the mayor off my back.
You no take no bullshit.
- What could I tell you?
- What could I tell you?
- What could I tell you?
- I don't understand.
- What?
- I don't understand.
- What?
- I don't under...
- What? 
What?
- I don't understand!
- You mean you don't wanna talk.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
About your brother's business.
I don't know.
It doesn't seem fair.
Nice girl like you...
You got a right to know what kind of murdering bastards you come from.
That's Kid's sister.
Would you believe, a college student?
She's a pretty girl.
The media will be pleased.
- Now, there she comes.
- She's coming.
There she is. 
There's Angela.
Coming down the steps.
See if I can interview her.
Have you ever been arrested?
We just wanna hear the other side.
- I want to interview you myself.
- Are you gonna be there with him?
Angela. 
Angela.
Kid Sally Palumbo's kid sister, Angela, isn't saying anything.
Typical of the kind of reception we've had from these people.
We're going back inside, Sandy.
You don't keep anything to eat?
No.
Get dressed.
I mean, I can't leave you here like this.
Come home and get something to eat with me.
Home?
Oh, and if anybody asks you, remember you ran into me after school, okay?
The Brooklyn police rounded up the Kid Sally Palumbo gang  in a lightning midnight raid  in what crusading Brooklyn DA Goodman described  as an all-out war to free the city of Mafia control.
In the rain, during the early hours of the morning, our TV camera caught  these rare shots of Angela Palumbo, a student at NYU, sister of Kid Sally  sometimes rumored to be the link between the Palumbo gang  and underground campus terrorists.
I make him watch while I shoot her. 
Punk.
Kid Sally's comment to the media was eloquent though illiterate.
His lieutenants had little more to add to what their captain had said.
Hey, where's me?
- Oh, there I am.
- Way to go, Beppo!
You were very good.
The only extended statement  came from the long-time matriarch of the waterfront Mafioso  Big Momma Ferraro, grandmother of Angela and Salvatore Palumbo.
Come on, come on, let's go.
I told him good.
You rotten, maligno bastard.
You Jew, son in a bitch, monkey cop.
You * * * * * * * *!
I no say "bleep." Is a lie.
I no say "bleep." I say, "You, you're sucker!"
I know, I know.
Where you been?
This is Mario Trantino.
He's one of the boys who came here for the bike race.
- How do you do? 
Pleased.
- Pleased, pleased to you.
How do you do, please.
You sit.
I change. 
I'm gonna change.
That guy is a fake priest on a make for your sister.
- Who fake priest?
- Where's Ezmo the Driver?
Me and him seen him in his priest suit by Dominic's.
We could've touched him.
- Priest, huh?
- Hey...
What's going on here?
Call Angela.
- Mama, please, please. 
Angela.
- I got him, I got him.
Come on, come on.
Give me his hand.
I cut off fingers a priest gets anointed.
Hold his hand.
Pull his fingers out.
- You leave hand there.
- Someone call the police.
Stop it.
No, no, no.
Put it on the table.
No, no. 
Please, please. 
No, no.
I never touch.
On my mother's grave, I never touch.
That means he touch.
Put it on the table, and I cut it off.
Look, look, look.
I get money for church orphan.
Look, I got the name.
Dominic Laviano, he give me name.
Baccala. 
He give me name.
Hold it. 
Hold it.
- You got money from Dominic Laviano?
- Yeah, I send to Catanzia.
This Baccala you are close?
Dominic Laviano, he fix to meet.
This is a good boy, Angela.
Calabrese ain't Sicilian, maybe, but it's good blood.
Sit.
Dominic Laviano fix you to meet Baccala?
Good.
- You meet.
- I meet.
- You meet, we shoot.
- I no meet.
Wait.
Listen, no shoot.
- What?
- Kidnap Baccala, get the moneys.
- He's got?
- A whole roomful.
- Forget the money. 
Shoot.
- Get the moneys, then shoot.
Okay.
- You meet?
- You meet.
We no shoot.
You no meet, we shoot you.
I meet.
We need license plates and new sign for truck clean guns and nice white coats for deliver fish.
You hear me, Salvatore?
All these details drive me crazy.
- Is detail make sauce...
- Make the sauce rich, I know.
Look, stealing license plates is Beppo the Dwarf's department.
Stealing guns department is Junior and Jerry the Booster.
And Big Jelly takes care of everything I forgot to mention.
All right? 
Now you know what to do.
So go do.
Or do I gotta do everything myself?
I've gotta relax so I can think clear.
That's my department.
We snatched the bartender.
They're expecting you to fill in.
Your name's Scuderi. 
Here's 500.
A thousand more in three days.
Here's the Mickeys.
Make sure Baccala's guys drink them and make sure they're out cold when we get there.
It better be right, baby.
Three, three.
Can I help you fellas?
Not right now.
Oh, here's the padre. 
He's coming. 
Yes.
Hi, Padre.
This is my good friend, Baccala.
I mean, Signore Anthony Pastrumo Sr.
- This here is...
- Don Mario Trantino.
Don Mario Trantino.
Please, sit, Padre.
Well, now I will bless this table and all who eat at it.
- Amen.
- Amen.
Now...
- You say one prayer more.
- Certainly, certainly.
You say a prayer that all peoples who don't like Baccala will get cancer.
- You like shrimp and clams oreganata?
- Yes, yes, we like.
- You like?
- Oh, yes, I like.
- Then we have spaghetti alla Carbonara.
- All right, all right.
- Then we have veal alla Marsala.
- Good.
- Good?
- Good.
- And for vino...
- Soave Bolla.
Soave Bolla.
How about you boys?
- No.
- Better chill another one, huh?
- You hear my confess?
- Oh, yes, yes.
When you hear this confess you give me absolution.
Oh, absolutely, absolute, yes.
Now, if in this confess, I no tell you everything you still put me in heaven?
Guarantee?
A man of such bearing no tell.
This don't mean you lie.
You know, maybe you just forget, huh?
Young priests, they're the best.
They're the best.
These old geepos, they say, "Baccala, you go away."
Besides I just peek up this little girl's dress.
I no touch.
Oh, well, you are a man of honor.
Fish.
These bullets sure fit tight.
For bullets.
Those bums are still sitting in the window.
What the hell's he doing?
Hey.
Give me a screwdriver.
- Hey, give me one too.
- Right. 
Right.
All right, punks. 
Now, bottoms up.
Come on.
Bring the glasses down to the bar slowly.
Keep your hands on the bar.
And no tricks.
Why don't you watch where you're going.
- Hey, get rid of her.
- Go bother someone else, lady.
- When I finish.
- Come on, we're working here.
- Come on.
- Black bitch.
- Yeah.
- Nigger whore.
- Yeah.
- Fat cop.
You know, you should've been a cop.
Yes.
Because your father is a police dog, you fat mother...
No, no, no!
A miracle!
- What happened?
- The freaking gun broke.
Damn.
Move over.
Shoot him in the teeth.
Don't shoot.
I wanna have some fun with this one.
A miracle!
Oh, I love you.
A miracle, yes! 
Fantastic!
Fingerprints. 
I want it clean, I want it neat, I want it thorough.
- Witnesses?
- Yeah.
- A miracle. 
What can I tell you?
- You didn't recognize Palumbo?
No, I swear before my confessor.
And you, Father?
What could I tell you?
What they're trying to tell you is they know confessions are privileged.
- Look...
- We was in the little boys' room.
We was in the little boys' room.
All right, what did you see?
See, what?
What I can see like this?
You think I got eyeballs in my asshole?
Give me a piece of rope.
I'm gonna get something out of this freaking day.
Come on.
He's having a freaking heart attack.
- Freaking rat lion killed him.
- Just when we were gonna say something.
This guy was never any fun in his whole life and he just proved it.
Well?
I just got the most incredible idea how we could do it so as Water Buffalo would enjoy it himself even.
He's gonna be the first guy to ever come off the Verrazano Bridge.
Thank you.
And God bless you, my children.
Hot damn, that little priest's a real pistol.
Hey, I made a miracle.
I made a miracle.
- I know.
- Oh, no, I did. 
I did, you know.
- I know.
- No, I was so scared I was praying.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I was praying to Saint Christopher.
- Then I remember he's no saint.
- Yeah, but he made a miracle.
Oh, yeah. 
And also, you know, Baccala is going to give me lots of money.
- Oh, sure.
- Yeah, no, no.
See, because he tell me a secret telephone, you know?
Oh, listen, Mario. 
Listen.
Big Momma said, "No play the priest no more."
Take care.
If Kid Sally knew, Baccala, the FBI, or immigration...
My greenhorn, if they don't kill you, they'll send you home.
So look, you come too.
You know, tomorrow, Baccala he going to give Mario a whole room full of money, you know.
So tomorrow, we go back to Italy we become rich, we become famous American turista, huh?
I wish.
Maybe. 
But I don't know.
My greenhorn.
God knows what you really know.
Did you bring the priest's clothes with you from Italy?
No.
Leased?
I leave a home that's no home.
I come here for a race that's no race.
What do I do? 
You know all I want.
Money.
No, no, no. 
To stay.
You know, you have eyelashes as long as a girl's?
I wonder what a room full of money look like.
Like a bank.
- Hey, you guys all right?
- He just drank too much.
What could I tell you?
It's out of my jurisdiction.
I don't know if it belongs to the harbor patrol  or Staten Island or Manhattan.
I don't know.
Hello?
No, this is his wife.
It's up to the mayor now.
This drops it squarely in the lap of Gracie Mansion.
Oh, Mr. Goodman, could he call you back, please.
Well, well, he's in the bathroom.
Throwing up, I think.
Wait. 
Listen, go back.
- Wait. 
I come soon, eh?
- I can't.
There's so much trouble.
I have to go home. 
I have to.
- No, no. 
Go home no more.
- I don't know.
I don't want you with the trouble.
Nevermore.
Wait.
You buy something if you need, okay?
- Hey, I'm taken. 
I'm taken.
- Hold it, Mario, police officers.
Come on, Mario. 
Come on.
After weeks of bloodshed on the streets of New York  the mayor is about to bring the forces of authority into action against the Mafia.
Tactical units of the Police Department are converging on a small street  on the South Brooklyn waterfront.
Somewhere on that street, the infamous Kid Sally Palumbo Gang is lying in wait.
The gang, which declared war on the streets of Brooklyn  against the forces of gang boss Anthony Pastrumo, a.k.a. Baccala.
Somewhere on that street is Sandy Vanocur  ready to describe the day to you.
It's a beautiful day for the raid here on the South Brooklyn docks.
In the background, you can see the Verrazano Bridge where Water Buffalo was first buried.
Marshall Street this morning looks like a Western street on a television-studio backlot just before the final shootout.
Crusading DA Goodman had scheduled the raid on Kid Sally's headquarters for 9:00 but one major television network has been held up.
Gallagher, our watches still running?
Yep. 
Yeah.
- Will you give us a break? 
Back up.
- No, no, that's all right.
You know, if we wait much longer, Baccala will beat us to it.
Goddamn it, I got a lunch date with the mayor.
I was hoping to hand him Palumbo's head on a platter.
They're coming now.
Oh, thank God.
Let's get this show on the road.
All right, men, don your equipment.
Keep yourselves separated.
Let's move!
It's clearing up here and the rains seem to have washed away some of the shipyard smog.
I think we're just about ready...
Yes, yes.
The police juggernaut is moving in.
Assistant Chief Inspector Cornelius Gallagher will probably carry the ball for the police but we don't have any inside information from the Kid Sally group.
I have here a warrant for the arrest of Salvatore, a.k.a. Kid Sally, Palumbo Mrs. Catherine, a.k.a. Big Momma, Ferrara and 55 John Does.
I command all those mentioned by name to surrender peacefully or be prepared to face the consequences.
Here, you better have this.
Don't move! 
Don't move!
All right, don't move!
Don't move! 
Hey, don't move!
Don't move. 
Stay right there.
Don't move. 
Put your hands up.
Don't move. 
Don't move.
Don't move. 
Don't move.
Didn't your mother teach you to knock?
- Advise them of their rights.
- Rights?
- I wanna see the DA.
- I'm the DA.
- You don't look like a DA.
- All right, come on, come on.
Come away, Kid.
Let's go, come on.
For the sake of our viewers, I wonder if we could have a repeat of you charging in the office without your mask.
- This way, people could see who you are.
- Oh, right on.
My name is not John Low, dummy.
I wanna see my lawyer.
Tell me, what is that?
Marijuana. 
I'm allowed.
I'm a high school student.
Carry me, daddy.
Anytime you're ready, Mr. Goodman.
Palumbo!
Palumbo!
Go get him, Sally.
Kid Palumbo.
What's the matter?
Come here, you bum.
Let's go, come on. 
Let's get up.
Let's go.
Come on, attaboy. 
That's right, go on.
All right.
- Did you advise him of his rights?
- Of course.
- You don't want a lawyer?
- I don't know.
You can make one phone call.
- Mr. Baccala. 
I want to call.
- Later. 
Later.
He's attending a funeral at the moment.
You got a passport?
Do you want the sister as a defendant?
You're goddamn right I want her.
She's great for the media.
I might even be able to link her up with student violence.
All right, you got her.
Put him in front of the grand jury.
I'll have to offer him immunity.
You can pay his fare home as far as I'm concerned.
You're in serious trouble, Mario Trantino, do you know that?
Inspector Gallagher here wants to put you in jail.
Jail.
- Me? 
For what?
- Impersonating a priest.
Conspiring to commit murder, grand theft, perjury, you name it.
What must I do?
Tell the truth.
That's all.
Mario you like America?
- Wanna stay?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, that's what this country stands for.
It's a place where people can speak the truth without fear.
One nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all.
Yeah.
Mario you know what a grand jury is?
- No.
Well, the way it works is, we'll go into a room where nobody can see you and you tell the jury the truth.
- Who know what I say?
- Nobody.
You, me, and the jury.
Grand jury testimony is secret.
- Like a confession is privileged?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, pretty cute.
Hey, what about Angela?
She get into trouble?
Did she help plan the murder?
Let me be frank.
If you agree to do this we have a right to expect complete honesty.
Don't we?
- Hi.
- Who?
- You know.
- Let's go.
Mario.
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
This is Mario Trantino a professional bicycle racer from Catanzia, Italy.
Mario, do you know Angela Palumbo?
No, no, relax. 
Answer in English.
What are you saying to me?
Ladies and gentlemen, he speaks English perfectly well.
Well, he said "mother." I know that.
I thought this was to be a cooperative witness, Mr. Goodman.
You can go home now. 
No grand jury.
- Why?
- I guess somebody changed his mind.
- Who?
- My guess is your boyfriend.
What's that supposed to mean?
Your boyfriend refused to testify against you.
He got thrown out of the country.
Five o'clock... out on the first plane.
And Goodman lets you go. 
Figure it out.
Is there a Mario Trantino on a Rome flight today?
- Trantino?
- Trantino.
No, I'm sorry.
Why don't you check with Pan Am?
- Pan Am?
- It's over there.
- Excuse me?
- Yes, sir. 
Just a minute, please.
Is there a Mario Trantino on a Rome flight today?
- Trantino?
- Trantino.
Just a moment.
Nobody sees this guy.
Mario.
Look, why don't you go to the observation deck?
And don't say I said anything.
Another day in the city of New York:
One full-grown male lion loose on the streets  a successful raid by New York's Finest  a grand-jury hearing, and the deportation of an Italian bicycle rider.
Go start the car.
This morning, the entire Palumbo mob  pleaded guilty to conspiracy to murder Brooklyn.
They were sentenced to a year apiece in jail.
Oh, my, Hail Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners. 
Amen.
Subtitles by SDI Media Group
[ENGLISH]

ETERNAL GLORY TO THE FALLEN IN THE BATTLES OF THE GREAT PATRIOTIC WAR
MOSFILM
The latest news from the north-eastern France, the Ardennes area.
Watch some newsreels captured by the Fuhrer glorious soldiers.
The sequence shows the advance of American mechanized columns.
They moved by the mountain roads in the hope of an easy victory.
But the great German Army struck an unexpected blow at the arrogant Americans.
80,000 of them have been taken prisoner.
The enemy has been thrown off 120 kilometers back.
Our troops are advancing deep into France.
If we are to believe these German newsreels, the situation of the Allies in the Ardennes is critical.
The Anglo-American troops are at the verge of catastrophe.
It's General Eisenhower's great desire and need to know what you plan to do, as this obviously affects all his and our major decisions.
I shall be grateful if you can tell me whether we can count on a major Russian offensive on the Vistula front, or elsewhere, during January, with any other points you may care to mention.
Winston Churchill.
A delicate and cunning appeal for help.
The circumstances force them, Comrade Stalin.
How is the preparation for an offensive going?
On the direction of the main blow we have already concentrated all the breakthrough armies.
Nine thousand tanks, nine thousands airplanes, seventy thousand guns and 180 rifle divisions.
When can we begin?
Front Commanders Zhukov, Konev and Rokossovsky believe that the optimal time for an offensive is late January.
Late January?
And if we take Churchill's request into account and speed up the start of the offensive?
We'll have to do without the actions of our aviation.
Fogs, bad weather.
A breakthrough without air support...
Comrade Antonov, inform Zhukov, Rokossovsky and Konev about the new date of the offensive - January 12.
On January 12, 13 and 14, 1945 the armies of the 1st, 2nd and 3rd Byelorussian Fronts,
the 1st and 4th Ukrainian Fronts, assisted by the ships of the Baltic Fleet and the Ukrainian partisan units, had assumed an offensive in the general direction towards Berlin!
LIBERATION
Film Four THE BATTLE FOR BERLIN
Screenplay by Yuri BONDAREV
Oskar KURGANOV Yuri OZEROV
Directed by Yuri OZEROV
Director of Photography Igor SLABNEVICH
Production Designer Aleksandr MYAGKOV
Music by Yu. 
LEVITIN
English Subtitles by Tatiana Kameneva
Chief Military Consultant Army General S. SHTEMENKO
Cast:
Zhukov 
- Mikhail ULYANOV Konev 
- Vasily SHUKSHIN
Tsvetayev 
- N. OLYALIN Zoya 
- L. GOLUBKINA
Orlov 
- B. ZAIDENBERG Yartsev 
- M. NOZHKIN
Dorozhkin 
- V. NOSIK Vasilyev 
- Yu. 
KAMORNY
Neustroyev 
- V. KORENEV Berest 
- E. IZOTOV
Stalin 
- Bukhuti ZAKARIADZE
Roosevelt 
- S. JASKIEVICZ Churchill 
- Yu. 
DUROV
Antonov 
- V. STRZHELCHIK Sokolovsky 
- M. POSTNIKOV
Rokossovsky 
- V. DAVYDOV Chuikov 
- I. PEREVERZEV
Rybalko 
- D. FRANKO Katukov 
- K. ZABELIN
Lelyushenko 
- A. AFANASYEV Bogdanov 
- S. LYAKHNITSKY
Malinin 
- G. MIKHAILOV Galadzhev 
- L. DAVLATOV
Shatilov 
- A. ROMASHIN Rudenko 
- L. PRESNETSOV
Hitler 
- Fritz DIEZ Goebbels 
- H. GIESE
Keitel 
- G.M. HENNEBERG Krebs 
- H. KRUGER
Eva Braun 
- A. WALLER Himmler 
- E. THIEDE
Bormann 
- I. PAPE Guderian 
- H. KORBS
Wolfe 
- J. KLOSE Magda Goebbels 
- Yu. 
DIOSHI
Willi 
- G. STAIGER Narrator 
- A. KARAPETYAN
The flank blow of the 1st and 2nd Guards Tank Armies had shaken all the German tactical and operational defenses and forced the enemy to begin to withdraw his troops from Warsaw.
On January 17, the units of the 1st Polish Army had entered Warsaw.
Commander of the 1st Byelorussian Front Marshal Zhukov
Artillery attack! 
Turn right.
go into the gates!
Let's Comrade Marshal.
There must be a HQ here.
Chief of HQ of the 745 Rifle Regiment Major Orlov.
Where's the regiment commander?
The regiment commander is resting, Comrade Marshal.
Wake him up.
Yes, Comrade Marshal.
Comrade Lieutenant-Colonel!
Comrade Lieutenant-Colonel, get up.
Comrade Lieutenant-Colonel.
- Comrade Lieutenant-Colonel, get up.
- What's up?
- Your name?
- Lieutenant-Colonel Korkin.
Report the situation.
The situation...
The battalion is attacking, displaying mass heroism.
Where exactly?
Where are the attacking?
On the western outskirts.
Here's the chief of headquarters.
- May I report?
- Go ahead.
The enemy is holding defenses at the flour-grinding factory.
Two attacks of the 1st and 2nd battalions have been beaten off.
The 3rd battalion is gathering at the cemetery to attack the factory.
All is clear.
From this day, you, Major, will be the regiment commander.
And you, Lieutenant-Colonel, will be his deputy.
I think it will be fair.
First Tank Army
Move forward as swiftly as possible.
Don't engage in battle with small garrisons.
Commander of the First Tank Army Lieutenant-General Katukov
Only forward!
Now the moment has come when we should propose to General Eisenhower to enter into an armistice for 100 days.
This will allow us to concentrate all our forces in the east and inflict the Russians a devastating blow between the Vistula and the Oder.
Through Zurich, we've established contacts with Allen Dulles.
He represents Eisenhower's HQ.
I know.
They'll demand we surrender all France, Belgium, Holland without a fight.
I cannot agree to that.
We shall prove to them... that we're still capable of inflicting devastating blows.
Guderian, report on the situation between the Vistula and the Oder.
On the Eastern Front between the Vistula and the Order, there have been serious changes.
What do you mean, Guderian?
My Fuhrer, today, the Russian 1st Tank Army has approached the Oder south of Kustrin.
Just 60 kilometers from Berlin?
This is treason!
Betrayal and treason!
For 150 years an enemy soldier has never set foot on German land.
For 150 years, Guderian!
My Fuhrer.
My Fuhrer, I propose to strike a counterblow in Pomerania.
A counterblow?
Show me.
Well create powerful striking force in Pomerania and attack Zhukov's army from the flank.
Keitel.
You said we need an armistice in the west in order to concentrate all forces on the Eastern front?
Yes, my Fuhrer.
Himmler, who will be negotiating with Dulles?
General Wolfe.
SWITZERLAND
A war can be compared to a flight in foggy weather.
The most dangerous moment is landing, the finale.
What's awaiting you in the finale, Mr. Dulles?
Bolshevism in Europe?
The Russian troops are only 50 miles away from Berlin, and the Americans are 500 km away.
It is along this path that we can seek and find common interests.
So the General Staff has confirmed our decision.
In the next six days, to consolidate the gains, bring up the lagging rear echelons, replenish supplies up to two refills of fuel and two ammunition establishments, and by sweeping assault capture Berlin on February 15 or 16.
So...
Capture Berlin in 15 days.
All right.
Prepare an order to the front's troops.
Yes, Comrade Commander.
May I report the new information about the enemy?
Report it.
According to our air reconnaissance, in Pomerania there has been spotted the movement of major tank and motorized forces of the enemy.
The army intelligence reports that the 2nd and 11th Armies, operating against our right flank, already comprise 16 infantry and up to 7 tank divisions.
- Is that all?
- That's all, Comrade Commander.
What is the situation in the area of Kustrin?
I've lust come from there.
Berzarin's troops are persistently fighting for the Order bridgeheads.
The divisions have up to 50 percent of manpower left.
The Germans are counterattacking all the time.
Their aviation is especially fierce.
And where are our fighter aircraft, General Rudenko?
Comrade Commander, the Germans take off from Berlin's airports, which, have concrete runways, and our aviation is based on airfields which are bogged from rains.
Each fighter's takeoff entail great risk.
General Oryol, how many tanks do you have in our tank brigades?
On average, about 40, Comrade Commander.
And many brigades have only 15-20 tanks.
Reinforcement is going too slow!
The repair bases are lagging about 500 kilometers behind.
The 20 days of such swift thrust are telling on men, too.
Our political officers go along with the vanguard units, inspiring soldiers to heroic deeds.
The soldiers actually display miraculous bravery.
But, nevertheless, I must tell you Comrade Commander, that the troops need a rest.
You can go, Comrade Generals.
Yes, Georgy Konstantinovich.
The situation is extremely critical.
Our troops are fighting at the limits of human possibilities.
And the Germans are pushing to Moscow.
The have only 30 km to cover.
Judging by the character and strength of the blows of German groupings, don't you think that the enemy is getting exhausted?
Look how stretched-out his troops are along the frontage.
They've lost their ability of penetration.
Their rear echelons dropped behind.
Now is just the right time to strike at their flanks.
May I, Georgy Konstantinovich?
I prepared an order to the troops about the Berlin offensive.
There will be no Berlin offensive,
Mikhail Sergeyevich.
That's right, Georgy Konstantinovich.
I knew you'd make that decision.
What do you suggest?
I've invited General Katukov, Commander of the 1st Tank Army.
He's here, in the reception room.
- Call him.
- Yes, Comrade Marshal.
Good morning, Comrade Marshal.
What are your plans, tank-man?
My plans are to take Berlin, Comrade Marshal.
Seventy kilometers - just two days' marches for my army.
All right, come to the map.
Imagine that you're in Guderian's place.
You have 23 divisions, 7 tank and motorized ones among them.
Zhukov is advancing to Berlin.
Rokossovsky in 150 km behind him in Pomerania.
General Katukov, what would you have done if you were Guderian?
I would have tried to cut off Marshal Zhukov's advancing army with a tank strike from the north.
Right.
Right.
This is the only chance for Guderian.
And now listen to my order to the 1st Tank Army.
I order... to leave your positions on the Oder in charge of the neighboring units
and move by forced march northward to Pomerania.
To the area of Arnswalde.
Yes, Comrade-Marshal.
General Headquarters!
YALTA February 4
The Soviet Army is continuing its successful offensive along the 700-kilometer frontline.
The troops of General Chernyakhovsky are attacking Konigsberg.
The troops of Marshal Rokossovsky are cutting off East Prussia from Germany's central regions.
The troops of Marshal Zhukov had reached the Oder.
The troops of Marshal Konev are advancing to Breslau.
The likely actions of the enemy:
the Germans will be defending Berlin, lor which they'll try to halt the advancement of the Soviet troops on the line of the Oder River.
Here they're organizing defenses at the cost of the reserves transferred from Germany, as well as from Western Europe and Italy.
On the Soviet front there may appear additional 40 or so German divisions.
This situation is favorable or the Allied forces to go to the offensive.
Perhaps General Marshall, as Chief of General Staff of the American Army, will tell us about the operations being prepared in the West?
In the last few days Eisenhower has regrouped his forces.
At the present the 25th Army Group and the 9th American Army are preparing to attack.
If we're successful in our offensive operations, we can move our forces onto Dusseldorf, and then onto Berlin.
How far are your troops from Berlin now?
About 600 miles.
And our troops?
Sixty kilometers, Comrade Stalin.
The time has come for us to coordinate our military actions.
Gentlemen, the time allotted to you is up.
I hope we were sincere when you spoke about the coordination of our actions.
Have you any doubt about it, Mr. Marshal?
Yes, I have, Mr. Roosevelt.
To be straight, it's, about contact with the enemy behind our back.
And not only a contact, but an agreement.
I would even call it a conspiracy.
A conspiracy?
With whom?
With Hitler's agent.
I'm afraid you're using unconfirmed information.
This is Allen Dulles.
And this is Hitter's agents General Wolfe.
I can assure you that is meeting was of a purely tentative character.
And yet, behind our back.
We should not lose trust in each other because of that.
As long as we're alive, we have nothing to be afraid of.
We shall not allow any dangerous differences to stand between us.
But in some ten years, or maybe even sooner, we'll be gone.
A new generation will come, which will not have the experience
of what we have gone through.
What will happen then?
I think we've gathered here to secure peace, at least for the next 50 years.
Or maybe I think so because I'm too naive, Mr. President?
That's actually so, Mr. Marshal.
Well, then.
The most important condition or preserving a lasting peace in the unity of our three powers.
If the Russians take Berlin, it will create great difficulties in the future.
I believe we should advance to Berlin as rapidly as possible.
The 1st Byelorussian Front had turned its troops northward, repulsed the enemy counterblow in Pomerania and, having overrun the German resistance,
went into an offensive on March 1 with tie forces of the 1st and 2nd Guards Tank Armies, the 3rd Shock Army and the 1st Polish Army in the direction of the Baltic Sea.
Well, artists, enjoying yourselves?
Art belongs to the people.
And where's our commander?
There he is, bicycling.
You see, I'm mastering new equipment.
Captain Vasilyev, commander of the tank company.
I'm lieutenant Dombrowski, battalion commander of the Polish division.
My task is to attack along with our tanks.
That's the hitch.
We got a task, but no fuel.
We've taken the village, but what's next...
You got no fuel?
Wait.
Pelka!
He says he saw cisterns 3 kilometers away from the highway.
Look, lieutenant, lend me your scout.
- You're welcome.
- Dorozhkin.
Get on the bikes and check it.
I'm saying that he got no lady yet, but already got a ladies' bicycle.
I need to go ahead.
Catch up with me.
We'll catch up.
There it is.
Well? 
What?
C'mon, give me your mess-tin.
Come on, give it.
- What do you need a mess-tin for?
- Give it here, I said.
We tank-men always taste fuel.
Death to fascist occupants.
Well, will it do?
It'll do. 
Try it.
- I don't know anything about fuel.
- You'll know this one.
I'm not a tank, am I?
It tastes like alcohol.
We'll have to look somewhere else.
The tanks can't go on that.
- Shall we take another shot?
- Yes, another shot.
Proletarians of all countries, unite!
Let's sing, shall we?
Yes, yes.
National difficulties.
Yes, it doesn't work.
That's ours!
Girls, they're ours!
Oh, my God!
- Where're you from?
- From Smolensk. 
From Poltava.
There're the French here, and the Czechs.
Come on, girls, come out!
Don't cry, dears, don't cry.
All right.
Paris. 
So it's Paris.
I see, De Gaulle.
Our dear brothers, you've come at last.
We thought it'd never happen.
Girls, girls, mademoiselles, wait.
All right, come out, Europe!
Rot Front!
- Ah, Spain?
- I'm Germany.
- What do you mean, Germany?
- I'm a German, comrade.
I'm no comrade to you.
Hitler is your comrade.
We're antifascists, antifascists, antifascists.
He's German antifascist, understand?
Well, I got it.
You can tell he's an antifascist.
Everybody who gained alive must devote his life to the struggle with the worst enemy of all mankind - fascism.
Rot Front!
Let's ask the Red Army sergeant to say a few words.
You have to speak.
- Me?
- Yes, yes.
Well, I can.
Comrade antifascists, former prisoners.
Go home.
Home.
That's all.
Here it is.
- What?
- Fuel for the tanks.
Halt!
Halt!
MOSCOW April 1
Good morning, Comrade Stalin.
Good morning, Comrade Stalin.
Are you aware of the resent situation?
By the information we get on our fronts, we know the situation.
You know nothing.
Comrade Konev.
Read the report of the Intelligence Department.
According to our agents' information, the Anglo-American Command is preparing an operation for capturing Berlin, with the aim to take it before the Soviet Army.
The main grouping is under command of Field Marshal Montgomery.
The direction of the main blow is planned to be north of the Ruhr, by the shortest way that separates the main grouping of the British troops from Berlin.
The possibility of the Hitlerites letting the Allied forces through to Berlin can not be ruled out.
So, who is going to capture Berlin?
We or the Allies?
The Berlin operation that we are entrusted to mount cannot be compared to anything else.
At the approaches to Berlin, we have to smash four German armies, no less than a million soldiers.
We have never before taken such a major, strongly fortified city as Berlin.
Its area is vast, each street, alley, house, canals, bridges - everything is a component element of the general defense of the city.
A continuous system defenses stretches from the Oder to Berlin.
The Front Command has decided to attack the enemy with such great force so that overwhelm and shatter him to the very foundations.
We have concentrated 22,000 barrels of artillery and mortar, 4,000 tanks and self-propelled guns,
5,000 aircraft.
You can understand yourselves how powerful this blow may be.
But in order to utterly stun and demoralize the enemy, we propose to launch that blow at night, two hours before dawn, under the light of 140 anti-aircraft searchlights.
May I, Comrade Marshall?
Please.
During the entire war, we have never begun major offensive operations at night.
This is due to the complexity of directing the troops.
And the searchlights...
The enemy artillery will at once neutralize them.
May I, comrade Marshal?
Please.
I believe that an attack with searchlights won't be very effective.
The enemy will see only our attacking troops.
Who else believes so?
I do.
Then let's have a break.
And, please, in two hours everybody be at the training ground.
- You got everything ready?
- Everything's ready.
Good.
Shall we repeat it, or everything's clear?
My Fuhrer, I must inform you that our counterstrikes in Pomerania and Hungary have been beaten off by the Bolsheviks.
General Dietrich's 6th Panzer Army failed to thrust its way to Budapest.
Dietrich, you've surrendered Hungary, and now you're ready to give Austria to the enemy, too!
My Fuhrer, the 6th Panzer Army...
Enough, Dietrich! 
I'm depriving you of all your decorations!
Gunsche!
Strip him of all decorations!
Get out of here!
Guderian, this is the result of your strikes in Pomerania and Hungary.
You need a rest, Guderian.
I appoint General Krebs the new Chief of the General Staff.
Bormann, tell Himmler to send all cowards and traitors to the gallows!
Not only Germany's fate is being decided on the Oder, but of all Europe!
My Fuhrer, congratulations.
Roosevelt is dead.
The predictions of your horoscope are coming true. 
Here comes our fortune!
Pass on this news to everybody!
Immediately!
Champagne for all!
Roosevelt is dead!
More light!
Give us more light!
April 16
Battalion!
At the enemy trenches, with fragmentation shells, sight 120,
deflection 50-20 volley fire!
Fire!
Commander of the 1st Ukrainian Front Marshal Konev
The front's troops have breached the enemy defenses.
Rybalko's and Lelyushenko's tank armies have gained operation space.
While Zhukov's still having difficulties.
He's still breaking through the defenses.
But couldn't we shift Zhukov's tanks and engage them in the breakthrough to Berlin via your front?
Comrade Stalin, it will take much time and create confusion.
Moreover, it's not necessary.
We ourselves can turn both our tank armies onto Berlin.
All right.
I agree.
- Put me through to Rybalko.
- Yes, Comrade Marshal.
That's why people say that the tank generals can't get in the turret.
This must the fifth glass you're drinking, Pavel Semyonovich.
Are you counting?
I'm "Thunder".
Pavel Semyonovich, Marshal Konev's on the line.
Yes, Comrad Marshal?
What are you doing, Pavel Semyonovich?
Fighting for Friedrichshain.
We got new tasks.
What? 
What?
Wait a second, Mikhail Stepanovich.
Tell them to stop firing, the won't let us talk.
Yes, Comrade Marshal.
I order to turn your tank army onto Berlin from the south.
- Is it clear?
- Clear, Comrade Marshal.
Push on to Berlin.
To Berlin!
Yes, turn the army to Berlin!
That's a real job!
Lelyushenko.
Commander of the 4th Tank Army Colonel-General Lelyushenko
Yes, "Maple" is listening.
Comrade General, the Front Commander is on the line.
Yes, Comrade Marshal.
Yes.
Yes. 
Yes.
I got you.
Yes, Comrade Marshal.
Comrade General, is the vermin who was rifle shooting from the loft.
Why were you shooting, son of a bitch?
How old are you?
Fifteen.
You got a mother?
Take him home.
Let his mother give him a thrashing.
Yes, Comrade General.
We received the orders to turn the arm onto Berlin.
BERLIN April 20
Gentlemen, I want to introduce to you my friend Eva Braun.
She lived in seclusion and, perhaps, in safety.
But in these difficult days, she preferred to share my fate.
My Fuhrer, happy birthday!
I'm happy that we all, our old guard, are with you, as always.
Thank you.
My Fuhrer, congratulations from your faithful SS troops.
On that day, as usual, they're marching in your honor, only not on the parade-ground, but under the enemy fire.
My Fuhrer, I'm happy and proud that at this historical moment
I'm here with on in Berlin.
My Fuhrer, today the Reich's movie theatres are screening the film that had been made before the war for our 50th birthday.
Perhaps we, too, will mark our celebration by watching that historical film?
My Fuhrer, the Russian artillery is firing at the Reich Chancery.
My Fuhrer, I have to be at the Aviation HQ.
Goodbye, my Fuhrer, I'll keep in touch with you.
I'm leaving to be with General Wenk and free Berlin together with him.
On April 21, the troops of the 1st Byelorussian Front burst into Berlin
Slop!
We've been hit, Comrade Captain!
The caterpillar tread!
Damn it!
Such a nuisance.
- How long will it take to repair?
- At least an hour.
A break for lunch, Comrade Captain.
Dorozhkin, go find out about the owners.
Calm them down, and all that stuff.
Halt!
Soldier greetings, father.
Not verstehen, father.
Put your hands down.
Calm yourself.
I was just speaking to you in your language, in German.
Put your hands down, I said.
Stay calm.
Everything is all right.
Dorozhkin, where're you?
Comrade Captain, your order has been carried out, I calmed the owners.
Yes...
I can see they're not very happy.
We're sorry, but we have to stop at our place.
Fine Russian appetizer, father.
What do you think?
What did he say?
Shall we drink or not?
Wait.
Just a minute.
Forcing a water obstacle.
That's not it, damn it.
Hands up!
Hello.
Health.
Your health!
Your health.
Ma'am.
Actually, I don't drink.
But 100 grams for the ladies.
You must.
Excuse us, we have to step out for a minute.
Well, what is it?
The seem to be attacking.
Come on!
On April 25, the 4th Tank Army, outflanking Berlin from the south, had entered Potsdam.
On the same day, outflanking Berlin from the north,
Bogdanov's 2nd Tank Army was swiftly advancing to link with the 4th Tank Army.
Commander of the 2nd Tank Army Colonel-General Bogdanov
Stop!
Stop!
Why did you stop the attack?
Why did you stop?
- Where's the battalion commander?
- Killed, Comrade General.
I'm the battalion's political officer, Lieutenant Kruglikov.
The Faustpatroners are firing from behind the fence.
Maybe we'll send the infantry ahead to drive the Faustpatroners out?
Faustpatroners, Faustpatroners...
Where can I get infantry for you?
Listen.
I shall wait.
I'll wait here until you deliver the infantry to me.
Find it wherever you want, but get it here! 
Is the task clear?
Are you from students, political officer?
- Where do you come from?
- From Moscow, Comrade General.
I student at a technical school, but didn't finish it.
Well, never mind.
Soon you will finish it.
Or maybe you want to be a general?
- Comrade General, the sappers.
- Comrade General, the Polish infantry.
Comrade General, a sapper platoon.
Platoon commander Sgt. Ryazhentsev.
Listen, Sergeant, and you, Lieutenant.
You see that my horses have stopped.
The Faustpatroners are ahead.
Shake them the devils so hard that they'd remember us even dead.
- We'll try, Comrade General.
- Is that clear?
- Yes.
- Do it
Get up guys!
Forward!
Forward.
Guys.
Believe me, it's a real zoo.
Don't fire.
Don't fire.
The antelopes!
Oh, my goodness!
Just look!
Why?
Follow me!
Where are you looking?
You're going to wring you neck.
The lions.
- Shall I fire?
- Don't fire at animals.
Fire at those who has two legs.
We let the lions go through us.
- What do you mean, through us?
- We'll ignore them.
That's really something!
Just look at him.
An imperturbable philosopher.
He's seen it all, he knows it all.
- Has lived 300 years.
- Yeah...
Sergeant, come here.
I'm on my way to a medical station due to a wound.
Commander of the sapper platoon Sergeant Ryazhentsev.
- And what's this?
- Germans have wounded her.
When we had beaten off the Fritzes from the zoo,
I heard someone crying.
Then I spotted her running about the bushes. 
She let herself be caught.
Her eyes are just like a human beings.
We shared my medical kit.
Please, let me take her to the medical station, or she'll die here. 
It's a pity.
All right. 
Tell them Marshal Konev gave his permission.
They're said to be our progenitors.
- Yes, yes.
- That's right.
End of Film Four

Who are you? 
What are you doing here?
Bring him on deck!
Nicolas Philibert discovered America on April 12, 1787 in Charleston, South-Carolina.
He crossed the Atlantic on a ship of the Indian Trading Company.
Nobody ever learned, why he left France.
Without papers, without money, he was thrown into jail.
He stayed there for 8 days.
5 years later he was in the country, that once received him so hostile a much romanticized man.
(Music)
(Narrator) He was about to marry Magreth Davison, the only daughter of Arthur Davison, the richest man in South-Carolina, king of grain trade. 
Who exported grain to all 4 corners of the earth with his more than 80 ships.
That day, everybody presented himself as friend of Nicolas, as did his 12 competitors, who hoped to marry the the beautiful heiress and were rejected by Arthur Davison.
The mighty shipowner preferred him,
Nicolas Philibert, to everyone else.
Him, who started 5 years ago as a night watchman in his kingdom and had become his right hand.
(English)
This man is already married!
Go on!
- But I...
Ignore him, he's just jealous.
Come on, Reverend, we're wasting time!
Are you married or not?
- No, yes, what's the difference?
It was 7 years ago in France, that doesn't count any more.
So, go on, Reverend!
- Is your wife dead?
Sure! 
Why not? 
She could be dead.
This marriage does not correspond with the rules of the church!
Reverend!
You can't do that to me.
I built this church.
I built your house.
- No, I can't do this!
What do you want from me?
- What do you expect?
I need the divorce papers.
- Divorce? 
Are you serious?
There are no divorces in France.
- Don't you read the papers?
They had a revolution over there.
They have a republic now.
Thank you. 
I know that.
- First thing they introduced, were divorces.
- Divorce is possible?
That's right.
(Narrator) 2 weeks later, Nicholas Philibert was aboard the Flying Fish, a grain freighter heading for France.
Grain and ship blonged to the company of Arthur Davison and Nicolas took it upon himself, to sell the cargo at this opportunity.
Mr. Philibert.
- Pardon.
(Music)
France, one should find a new name for it.
Our beloved fatherland, a free country after a thousand years of tyranny.
At last, equal rights for everyone.
brotherhood and virtue.
But where is Nantes?
- Over there, behind the bay.
10 miles in front of the coast.
- You've been here before, haven't you?
I was born here.
- Oh? 
And your family still lives here?
My wife.
- You are very lucky then, and you didn't tell me anything.
Return to the fatherland and to the beloved wife, what an experience.
How wonderfull it must be, to find the people in one creature.
- I come to get a divorce.
A divorce? 
Congratulations.
The insoluble marriage was madness, which had to be abolished.
You love each other and love wears off.
But from now on the law prevents, that hate eats our hearts.
I believed you wanted to sell grain?
- I can do both.
Yes of course, but...
- Huhu! 
Papa!
They will fall to their deaths.
- Call the children down!
I can't command them.
- But they are your children.
Their instincts shall unfold freely.
- But they are no wild apes.
Look , what do you have against apes?
Didn't you read Jean-Jacques Rousseau?
No, why that?
- Everything on Earth is good and right, as long as you leave it in its natural condition and do not spoil it by the lies of fine way of life.
Oh, look. 
They send a delegation for our welcome.
Hail to you, brother and liberator, conqueror of despotism!
Hail to you too!
Pride and adornment of humanity!
I thank you, dear friends!
Long live the republic!
And your glorious, young power!
Starboard and full power!
- But we wanted to go to Nantes!
No, forbidden! 
Turn around!
- Why that?
We are at war with England!
But we are Americans and we bring you grain!
What?
- We have grain!
(Music)
(Unintelligible)
Room, citizens! 
Room! 
Make Room! 
Stand back!
Spit on him, the pig!
- Look at is suit!
Down with England!
Death to the English!
- This is an American!
What does he want from us?
- He brought grain.
He brought grain!
He brought grain! 
Long live America!
Hurra!
My hat! 
My hat!
Close it! 
Close it! 
Close the grate!
We want the grain!
Attack the assembly!
We want the grain!
Sit down! 
Everybody on their place!
The assembly has not been finished.
You should sit down!
(Unintelligible)
Here they are!
- We are hungry!
Fresh bread!
Let the ship with the bread in.
We are hungry!
- But the port has been closed!
I have orders and must execute them.
- Then go and get a representative!
Give us the grain!
- Grain!
The grain! 
What grain?
- From the American! 
From that one!
His ship is in front of the port.
- Let him in!
You have a ship?
- Yes, the Flying Fish, Company Davison!
With a cargo of grain?
- 50 tons.
(People) Grain!
- Sit down, please.
Who are you?
- Nicolas Philibert.
You're French? 
And you come from America?
- Yes.
English Colony, shelter for the tyranny.
- But we abolished it.
We? 
That was 15 years ago. 
I hope you don't confuse us with them.
The kings were nothing but criminals.
I still see this vermin, the profiteers and enemies of the people.
I rob them, wherever they may come from.
No! 
This man brings us grain!
- You don't say.
You poor fools. 
As gullible as children, like children in front of the wolf, there's no trick that's not up their sleeves, the enemies of the republic.
How can you know that this grain is not poisoned? 
Yes, poisoned.
I am sure. 
This is a trap.
They will do everything, these rascals.
They are everywhere and they besiege us.
The british rule the sea and the royalist rascals lie in ambush.
They are even within our walls, yes, even here I see them.
But be warned- there is justice.
I will wear her name. 
Merciless.
You better not forget that.
And what with the grain, citizen?
- Throw it into the sea!
Oh, you still doubt me, do you?
Good, get me a sack of that grain.
Then cook a mash of it and give it to the dogs. 
The poor cretures, you will see how they will perish.
- And him?
H will wait here!
(Music)
Hey, Nicolas!
Don't you remember me?
Simon, you are a soldier now?
- Nationalgardist. 
Und du, wieder hier?
Yes, as you can see.
- When have you arrived?
Right now.
- Nicolas, don't run away!
Who is that?
- Philibert, don't you remember?
It was 5, 6 years ago. 
Before the revolution.
He duelled with an aristocrat.
A baron, who wanted to have his pretty wife and he killed him, the baron.
But after that he had to disappear.
He jumped on the first ship and was gone.
And his wife?
- The matter went to her head.
She only likes aristocrats now.
- Is she an aristocrat too?
No, no,she is the daughter of Gosselin.
- Attention, this is all lopsided.
Can't you see? 
That will fall down.
Come on, hold tight!
Come on, try harder, boy!
- But I'm trying hard!
Oh, my God.
- Take care!
Take care, Nicolas is back.
This will be a disaster again.
- But it doesn't look so bad.
- If you've seen him with his poor wife always quarreling and fighting.
- Did Gosselin suffer it?
He is nuts about him.
Maybe, because he found him as a baby in a basket. 
Over there he lay, in the lane, on the day of St. Philibert.
So he is an orphan?
- Yes, he grew up with Charlotte, and later she became his wife.
Business looks bad.
Nothing is what it used to be.
But still my cellars are full of wine and I just sell it as good as I can.
And Charlotte?
- Silence! 
Quiet, not a word!
Don't speak of her! 
After all you, don't know what happens in the city.
This is not very funny at the moment.
You get my drift.
She caused me much harm, you know.
- Good day, Nicolas.
This is Lucas. 
Don't you recognize him?
- Of yourse. 
Hey, how's life, Lucas?
Lucas! 
He' deaf like a nut.
Now, where was I?
With Charlotte.
- Yes. 
You have to find out.
You stabbed the Baron and 6 months later she fell in love with a Marquis.
the Marquis de Geron.
She is just megalomaniacal, you know, like the prophecy of the gypsy...
And, is she here?
- Who, Charlotte? 
In Nantes?
Are you mad? 
All the upper class people disappeared in'89.
She's gone, together with her Marquis.
- And whereto?
How should I know? 
I have no idea.
I haven't heard anything for 4 years.
You haven't by any chance come back, in order to see her again?
But yes.
- For what reason?
I want to get a divorce.
- You don't say!
You want to get a divorce, oh!
Nobody would have dared this in my time.
Monsieur Gosselin!
- Yes!
What's up again?
Wait here.
Hey! 
Hey! 
Because of your wife.
- Yes?
I know somebody who can tell you where she is. 
- Who?
The sister of the Marquis.
Yes, the one, your wife is living with.
Marquis de Geron. 
He has a sister and she is still here. 
I see her from time to time in the city.
I know that she visits a house, quite near me.
- You're not deaf, are you?
That depends.
- Come on, I'll show you where the house is.
Let me go. 
I have to work.
- Come on! 
Get going!
Let me go! 
Let me go!
I kew that he is with you!
All hell is breaking loose in the Town Hall.
We locked him up in a writing room and when they came up to get him, he was gone. 
Out of the window.
That looks like him.
Oh great, for the second time!
There is the house.
They are upstairs, you are being expected.
(Music, Singing)
once again.
Yes.
(Singing)
Ah, at last.
(Singing)
Now, you!
Well, come on.
(Wrong Singing)
Reading notes never was one of my strengths.
- Who sends you to me?
But I was told...
- Where are your manners?
Who opened the door for you?
- Slowly, my dears!
Now, tell us who you are!
- Put the knife away first, Then I'll talk.
There you go, here he is!
- Nicolas, what do you do now?
For an hour I've been searching everywhere.
You're not interested in your ship anymore?
I'm coming.
Who lives here?
I'm asking you, who owns this house?
What?
These dogs, they really dig ins.
There he is, our saviour.
The benefactor of the french people.
Come into my arms, friend from America.
Your grain is excellent.
Bring his ship into the harbour.
Now get lost, you already ate too much.
This is property of the people.
Away, you mongrels! 
These bastards!
Take them away! 
Now!
What's wrong, Simon? 
What bothers you?
So, dear friend, you come with me.
Soon our celebration of saneness will begin and you will be the hero of the celebration, apart from me, of course
(Music)
And, what do you think? 
I already told you, the day would come. 
Now you see, we made it.
What did you do all the time?
- Business.
You're not ashamed?
- Without trade the world would not exist.
Say, for the way back, did you already accept cargo for your ship?
Not yet.
- Don't keep on searching 
- I have what you need.
I fill your storage with muscatel wine.
And if the Americans don't like white wine,
I have Bordeaux too and everything you could ever want. 
We'll make a fortune.
Who is that?
- The goddess of reason.
No, I mean her.
Who is this? 
Do you know her?
Oh her, that is Pauline de Geron, the sister of the Marquis.
If you want to learn anything about Charlotte, you have to ask her.
Thank you, I already thought as much.
Oh you beast! 
Give me that.
You'll pay for that!
Rascal! 
You, a traitor too!
Don't let him get away!
Let me go!
Faster! 
Get him!
Come on, everybody over here!
Man all exits!
Make room!
To the Guillotine with the traitor!
(Unintelligible)
Please, let me explain.
- Silence! 
You only make your situation worse!
You at least have to let me speak!
Your bearing is that of a monarchist, your voice that of a rebel and your gaze is shrewd, like the one of an intrigant. 
For the last time, tell us the names of your accomplices!
- I don't have any accomplices!
There, do you hear citizens, the cheek.
How dare you to humiliate the dignity of this court, instead of admitting your guilt.
You helped her escape.
We have any number of witnesses.
- But I didn't even know her.
I only arrived yesterday.
- Yesterday. 
He admits it.
Yes, you are an agent of the aristocracy.
- What, me? 
I, who killed the first aristocrat, 4 years before the revolution.
You hadn't even assaulted La Bastille, when I had already killed a baron.
let your lawyer speak!
There is no punishment too hard, for such a despicable criminal, like my client.
- You rascal!
Thank you, you did your duty.
Citizens, Jury?
Sentenced to death. 
Next one.
You are all absolutely crazy.
Should Philibert be executed?
What will the Americans say?
Let them. 
We will get along without them.
- And the people? 
Are they supposed to starve?
You're getting on my nerves!
- There, here is my resignation.
Stop! 
Stay! 
Simon!
Come back, you hear?
Ach, stubborn like a donkey.
- Here!
What else is there?
- The resignation of the Citizen's Council.
(Music)
Not a nice view, huh?
But stil not everything is lost.
Look left, around the corner!
Do you see the window?
Too high!
(Whispering)
Lavier, Edmond!
Vaguz, Julienne!
Philibert, Nicolas.
(Thrilling Music)
Henri?
- Let him! 
Come!
Stop! 
No, not through here.
Come quick!
Don't go away,
I'll return tonight.
Where is your american friend?
He has to be quick,
I don't have time.
- Nicolas Philibert! 
Nicolas Philibert!
What's wrong?
- He must be here, call again.
Nicolas Philibert!
- Everything is in order.
Nicolas is saved.
When does your ship leave?
- Tomorrow morning.
And where is it?
- We have to go to the mouth of the river.
Me a royalist, you're very wrong here.
I was a member of the parliament, yes, me. 
And I was among those that assaulted the Bastille.
I was the author of the declaration of Human Rights, together with Mirabeau.
But you can't understand that.
In the beginning everything was clear and easy.
And then it became difficult, my people abstained. 
Oh well, my friend, the beginning is always the best.
They claimed, I had enriched myself with property of the church, just because I bought a small monastery.
But tell me, who didn't buy anything in the year 90? 
They all helped themselves.
Look at that, the ring of an archbishop.
You know, these were all just conspiracies, only intrigues, Envy and jealousy.
Come!
Friends of the King. 
Royalists.
Protect us, Monsieur. 
We mean no harm, we are refugees.
But...
There! 
Catch him!
- You son of a bitch!
Bind him! 
Hands on the back!
Your last moment has come, you murder of the king!
He is a blue one, a spy!
The lantern!
Go! 
Go, you are free!
Go, run!
Give me the ring!
Come on!
Stop! 
There they come.
Oh, it's you. 
Oh Monsieur, Monsieur, you are not injured?
Hallo!
Henry!
It seems to be our fate that we meet again.
Are you frightened?
My sister informed me about your heroic deed in Nantes. 
You saved the most precious thing that I have.
- Your sister?
I am the Marquis de Geron, your servant.
Demand of me what you want.
Where are we going?
- To my brother in Grandchamp, his quarter is there.
They are all on our side, from Cholet to Fougères.
In a month we have 100.000 men and conquer Nantes. 
In half a year the white flag will flutter again upon Notre Dame and the republic is forgotten.
(Music)
Come, my dear!
Look!
This noble man is my saviour!
Oh, my son.
The Lord may bless you for your heroic deed!
What a bold young man.
- Please allow an old
Chevalier de St. Louis...
You warm my last days.
(Music)
You are unrhythmic, dear.
(Music)
Good evening.
- Do they know who you are?
Not yet.
- Don't say a word, I implore you.
How long have you been here?
- 10 minutes.
In France?
- 2 days.
Why did you come?
- To see you.
Charlotte, this is the man, who saved Paulineda's life.
I don't even know your name.
- That's right. 
What is your name, Monsieur?
Didn't I tell you?
- No.
Because you didn't ask me yet.
- Oh well, now I'm asking.
Then I will tell you my name.
The excitement was too much.
- Do you have smelling salts?
Please, Monsieur.
- No,look. 
What is this?
Brandy.
- No alcohol, bring cold water.
Are you a doctor?
- No, but I'm used to this.
Move a little to the side.
- Not here, let's take her away.
Saint-Aubin, help us!
Quick.
- Where?
Upstairs.
- Good.
You just keep on stepping on my toes.
- Shut up, help!
Head down and away with the pillows.
Put that under her legs.
They must lie high. 
And cover her, she needs warmth, that's good.
It's getting better, let me.
- Go, that's enough.
I will bring a glass of water for you.
- No, monsieur, thank you, that's not necessary.
- I only wanted to help you.
Let me be.
- She's recovering.
Yes, she's resting. 
That's all she's doing, while I struggle along.
Try to keep composure.
- Don't touch me.
Don't call me Pauline.
And stop following me with your lowly wishes.
Go away!
Why?
- Because you're being asked.
What was your name?
- Bastillac.
Gascogner?
- Yes, as you can see.
And your accent?
- Lost.
Get lost now!
Go away! 
Go!
You are very hot.
- I am cold as ice.
I will get a doctor.
- No. 
This is from the dance.
I know what you miss, a forest, a horse and a wild hunt.
Do you believe that?
- You're losing your color, because I'll keep you locked up.
But now you will accompany me and use a weapon. 
It's yours!
- But I faint when I see blood.
You can shoot birds. 
I know, you will fight well.
What is it?
- No, I'm begging you. 
No.
No. 
Henry.
She's trying to attract attention.
I despise her.
I'd kill her if I could, but I don't want to hurt him.
Who is she?
- A girl of the lower classes. 
She wants him to marry her. 
For 8 years.
- And she's still unmarried?
She was married.
- To whom?
A good for nothing. 
He is dead.
Indians in America ate him.
Oh, I forgot something.
I still have something for you.
Yes?
(Fanfare)
The prince!
- My God.
(Jubilation)
Monsieur, you are earlier than expected.
- Is that an accusation?
No. 
Wie were just not prepared.
- Oh, what's the difference.
I sleep on a hard mattress, like we all do.
- Oh, Monseigneur.
But, please.
What a joy to see you again.
- Welcome, Monseigneur.
Which way did you take?
- We went all across Segret.
Huhu!
- No, not now.
Good.
What did you want?
- Wrong moment.
6 years ago you disappeared and now you suddenly reappear and sulk.
I live a new life without you.
- Yes, I heard you're a widow now.
What should I do? 
It was the easiest way.
- At least I was eaten by savages.
Says who?
- Pauline.
Oh, the slut. 
I'll scratch her eyes out.
In immovable devotion to our ancestors, our lilies and the Holy Church, for God, for the King.
Are you crazy?
- I'm tired.
Get up. 
Come, you have to disappear, Henry will be back any moment.
I'll tell him that I'm not dead.
- Oh no, you have no right to do that.
By the way, I was at your father's.
- Ah yes. 
And what did he say?
He is broken, for 4 years.
- And all because of me?
Tragic.
- What does he look like?
No hair, no teeth, a wreck.
- Oh, my God.
Yes, it's a terrible sight.
And how much he loves you.
Oh. 
Get out of here!
Come, clear off now!
Oh, in a stable.
May I request you to follow me.
I am sick of this hide and seek!
- Please, don't.
No, no!
Marvellous.
- We received 800 pieces of them.
This will be a real massacre.
Sheffields, I'd bet on that.
Oh yes. 
The Count Darton will have a thanksgiving service read for 9 days.
I have to speak to you.
- Henry!
What's the matter?
- The controllers want to go.
Come. 
There are horses behind the church, take one and disappear, please.
Tell them, I'll come. 
Excuse me?
- Yes, go, I'll wait here.
Where are they?
- They are already on the move.
Oh, Madame, there you are.
Did someone hide you?
Hidden, why this?
- Because I came.
No. 
I ask you, Monseigneur, no.
please don't come up here.
What a strange behaviour?
What is this supposed to mean?
I beg you. 
Why so stubborn?
Did I hurt you?
- No, that's nothing.
To suffer for you is my pleasure.
I have to speak with you.
A lady like you in these surroundings, how can he dare. 
In the stench of cows, what a lout. 
I admire you, for your endurance. 
What's wrong, are you searching for something?
- You're bleeding.
Take her.
You still love him?
Who?
- Na, Geron?
But yes.
And when will he marry you? 
Oh no.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
He cannot decide.
But I, Madame, I am determined.
You remember what I told you in Rennes.
- That was so long ago.
The promise is still valid. 
I offer you my name and a bright future,
Say yes ynd you are my wife.
What can you expect from Geron?
H treats you like a courtesan.
He will never marry you.
I believe he will marry me.
- And when?
Tomorrow morning! 
In the village chapel.
Do me the honor of being our best man.
Oh, my beloved. 
She has to lie down. 
Let her go.
I am here, Charlotte.
No alcohol, are you crazy?
You frightened her.
- No, that was you.
She needs vinegar. 
And pepper.
- Ach. 
Let me do it.
Ow, you're hurting me, what's wrong?
- But... 
I only wanted the best.
It smells like something's burning.
Fire! 
Quick, help him!
- Where is water?
Back there!
Requiem, quick, come up!
You're needed.
In God's name, what's up?
Come quick, your elixir.
You will see, his medicine works wonders.
- Oh, no.
Go ahead.
What's wrong now?
- The good news was too much for her.
Your brother will marry her tomorrow.
- What joy.
Madame Princess, Madame La Marquis, Monseignieur, your Highness,
Yes.
- Oh, there you are.
I can't stand it here anymore.
- Neither can I.
Let's go. 
Let's follow de Charet and fight together.
Oha, fight?
- Yes. 
I can become your wife too.
I think, this is not the right moment.
Mademoiselle. 
Mademoiselle, I insulted you, please don't be angry with me.
I am not quite myself.
- Monsieur, you feel the same way?
Everyone's got his own problems.
If you knew what my brother intends to do.
Tomorrow with this ugly hag.
Everybody believes in someone...
- It si terrible.
It is natural.
- I tell you everything about me and I don't know anything of you.
- I will tell you everything later.
My, friends, you all know why I came to you tonight.
I was in London 10 days ago and I spoke to the brother of the king.
He gave me a letter that is adressed to everyone of you.
"Loyal and devoted subjects..." 
- We can't have a big celebration then.
I will read a silent mass..
- No, I want a high mass.
We have no organ.
- Take a bagpiper.
Madame, this wedding ceremony will be the most beautiful experience of my priesthood.
You don't like it?
- The ring of our archbbischop!
This is my bridal present.
- Tell me, Geron, allow me, to continue?
- Silence!
"Loyal and devoted subjects, night has fallen on our palaces and cabins, but God will see our lilies bloom again.
The first light of day has risen...
The first light of day has risen on the borders of our kingdom.
Europe's rulers come to help us, the republic sways under their blows, the Prussians stand in the Alsace, the Spaniards are over the Pyrenees, but you, the fighters from the Bretagne, you will deal the deadly blow
against the desecrators of throne and altar.
The fighting spirit of your deeds promises us further success. our victory is certain, your duties are clear.
March to Nantes and conquer the city.
Provide a harbour base to the english fleet."
No!
- You have an objection?
I have enough now, thank you very much.
- You insult our prince?
You better take care of your sister!
- What does this mean?
Say that again!
- Ask Pauline, what she did just now with this adventurer in the garden.
With this Monsieur Bastillac.
Henry!
One moment. 
Here is my glove!
- Keep it!
I expect your seconds.
- Let me be!
He is worthy of mine, more than others.
Heaven sent him to me.
When you marry this woman tomorrow, I'll throw myself into his arms, he can do with me what he wants.
Pauline!
- Henry!
Geron! 
Finish this now!
This man loves his sister more than you do, even a blind man can see that.
And you want to marry him?
Don't do it. 
Still there is time.
- A nobleman never evades a challenge.
- Shut up!
Draw!
- Your sword is in the service of your king and not in your own.
Stop these childish games!
Let me go!
- Listen!
Got to your Pauline!
- That doesn't mean anything.
Do you think I'm stupid?
Oh, Madame, there you are.
It has been decided.
I take you with me.
- You're joking, right?
I never was as serious.
The hour has come.
The gypsy prophesied, you will become a princess, thanks to me.
Oh, let go of me!
What are you thinking? 
You!
Monseigneur. 
What did you do?
You have to escape.
Stop dreaming. 
Your princes, your magic, dead for all time.
Besides, you love none of them both.
- But yes.
Whom?
- That is my business, I think.
Draw, Monsieur.
Don't you have a sword?
I am ready, citizen!
- To the arms!
En garde!
He's mine!
Kill him!
Stop him!
I love only you.
- Henry.
I always thought of you, even when I was with her.
Why didn't you tell me?
We're lost.
I thought, a woman of the people would not make you jealous.
I am afraid, Henry. 
We have to separate. 
Take her as your wife.
You want it?
- I will go with Bastillac.
Oh, no.
- Yes. 
It has to be.
Give him my hand in marriage.
- No, you are crazy, let me go!
No, I don't want to! 
I don't want to!
You let go of me, do you hear!
Charlotte, stop this!
- I want to go back!
There he is, get him!
- Now we have him!
Dwon with that pig!
- Attack him! 
Grab him!
He hit our prince!
He called him a citizen, he is a republican spy, I knew it at once. 
Grab him!
A blue one!
- There he is!
Get him!
Down with the pig!
- Beat him to death, the blue one!
Now, finish him!
After him, stop him!
Leave him to me!
Henry! 
Stop! 
please, don't, stop!
I'm begging you!
You killed him!
- I hope so. 
One shot less.
But this is Nicolas, Nicolas Philibert, he is my husband.
And you killed him. 
You murderer!
I hate you! 
I hate you!
We got him!
Here, I got him!
- Get out, you devil.
Now we have you by the collar.
Let him go! 
Let him go!
Cowards, let go of him!
Madame, he is a republican.
- Right he is!
Hold her tight, you fools!
Catch her!
Come on, after her!
- Don't let her get away!
Bastillac, do you know who that is?
Das ist Philibert, the murderer of the baron.
They can't be far away yet.
- There are two. 
Stop them!
Where are the two?
- Escaped.
We have to go back.
- Release the dogs!
(Music)
What's it?
- Nothing. 
And you?
Nothing. 
They have escaped.
- They can go to the devil.
Back! 
We're going home.
We can't let go of each other.
- Yes, I knew that.
aAnd if we die tomorrow?
- That makes no difference. 
We stay together.
Do you remember the first time that we slept on a tree?
In the garden of your father.
You have been 8 years old.
You did everything that I wanted you to.
- Did I change?
Turn around. 
You're all dishevelled.
What is that?
- Oh, nothing. 
No, let go.
Show me.
Who is this?
- The daughter of a businessman,
Arthur Davison. 
That is, Arthur is the name of her father,
Her name is Margret. 
I have to...
- No, I'm not angry at you.
A man cannot stay alone.
- You haven't been alone either.
Unfortunately she looks a bit stupid.
Well, you know, this girl...
this woman... well, this young girl,
She's not married yet.
- She wanted to marry.
Yes, but she can't marry someone, who is already married.
That's true.
- You see.
Keep your head still.
- Who keeps still in these times?
Everything is in motion. 
Even love, in former times, you had to stay together, even if you did not like each other.
Today, there's divorce.
What is that?
- Some kind of new law, you know.
You go to the Town Hall, sign a paper, and the marriage is rescinded, settled.
But that is idiotic. 
A white hair.
- What I wanted to tell you...
Now you're beautiful again. 
Kiss me!
Um, as I was saying, Margret...
- The daughter of Arthur?
You mean, she wants to marry you?
- Oh yes. 
How did you think of that?
Since we are just about it, I thought, we two, I mean, we could... well, in a word...
Shouldn't we get a divorce?
That is why you came back?
- Yes.
And you are telling me this right now?
- What time would be better?
Tonight you wanted something else.
- Indeed.
Don't touch me, you mean bastard!
You are still a lying, cheating cad.
With you, I ruined my whole life.
my childhood, my whole youth.
Who was round me all the time?
Who followed me everywhere?
Always between my legs.
- You wanted that yourself.
And even if once I find a friend, what happens, you kill him.
Me?
- Did I kill the Baron?
He provoked me! 
This is enough now!
Have you finished with your insults?
You shameless womanizer! 
Now you can search for her, your little stupid girl.
Give it to me! 
You will pay for this! 
Come here!
Help!
What's wrong?
- Listen, your highness!
Get gone, I don't want to see you again!
Go back to your America!
That I will do and right now.
-Go and marry your rich heiress!
And you your dusty wigs!
Monseigneur, what luck.
Ah, Madame, what a marvel.
I did not dare to hope anymore.
Reacue me of this good for nothing, I never want to see him again.
Of whom?
- Of him!
Is he still there? 
With pleasure!
- No!
You don't seem to know what you want.
- She never did, she always was like this.
I'm aiming.
- I just want to get rid of him, so that I can live.
- With me?
I'm getting a divorce.
- The divorce, a good law.
We have to keep it. 
We turn back!
- Nobody asks for my opinion?
I don't want to.
- But you wanted to!
Yes, but not like this.
- Oh, he is so stubborn.
Requiem! 
Now a liquor.
- The dreamland stuff?
Yes, and plenty.
The divorce office?
- Line up like everybody else.
A disabled person.
- It's his right too.
He's woken up.
- But no. 
Look.
Today it's even more than last week.
I'm already doing it for the third time.
This is my third divorce, since Christmas.
Isn't that a proof of my love, to throw myself into such dangers?
What a dirty little conspiracy!
I never will suffer treason!
Lock the doors! 
Man the exits!
and get rid of this complainer.
Throw them all out and quick!
You heard it, that's it for today!
Nothing left to do. 
Go home!
Hey, I'm not lining up here for nothing!
No use anymore!
- This is the end for today! 
Go home!
No, I'm sorry, that's it for today.
No, we close now
We bring a critically ill person.
- Come tomorrow. 
Hey, what does this mean?
All right, but this is the last one!
- Thank you.
Ok, this is it.
- Day of marriage?
February 14, 1786.
- You mean 8. 
Ventôse 1786?
Yes.
- Good luck, don't get sentimental.
The next, please.
The last ones, quick, let's hurry up.
Philibert, Nicolas Albert Marie and Gosselin, Charlotte Julie Clarisse.
Gosselin, you?
- Yes.
Philibert, you?
- No, him.
What's wrong with him?
- Vary sick.
The legs?
- No, the head.
Should I give him another sip?
- Not here, my friend.
Well, I can understand you.
To live with him is not funny.
Don't.
- I find it funny.
Citizens, you have decided, to break the bonds, that bound you both?
- Yes.
And your husband?
- Write yes.
But he has to say it.
- Come on, say it.
Now he said it.
- So, what?
Write yes, he said yes.
Go on, write it.
- Today the citizens...
Take cover!
- Onward!
This rabble! 
I will crush them!
I felt it, that it would come.
This is a conspiracy. 
Fire!
Shoot them down! 
Come, give me, give me, give me a gun!
I shoot them down.
- Surrender, you are arrested!
Come and get me, damned son of a bitch!
Ah, there he is, the soul of the conspiracy.
He is to blame of it all! 
Like a rat he crept out of his hole.
Nicolas.
- Hands off!
What are you doing?
- Hands up! 
Come on!
Come on!
Come on, the divorce!
quick, give me the papers!
There have to be two.
- You, over there, come here.
Me?
Well, what's up? 
Yes or no?
- Nobody ever appealed to an honorable... heart in vain. 
My honorable friend, you know it, you will testify before the tribunal. 
And should they belive that I will tremble with fear, they are wrong.
You are free, I grant you pardon.
You will testify for me, you will bear witness of what an upright man I am.
You laugh, how wonderful.
Your humour encourages me. 
Yes!
We will make it, nothing is lost yet!
I arrest you in the name of the law.
- What kind of farce is this?
An order of the welfare committee.
You will answer to the Convent in Paris
Answer.
- That's not true, is it?
I thank you, courageous citizens!
You helped to eliminate an enemy of the people.
- The convent will judge him!
Long live Robespierre!
Monseigneur.
- Silence!
This is the prince. 
I was his bondsmaid.
- But you're mistaken, Madame.
You hear? 
Now he calls me Madame.
In the past he treated me differently.
He gave us beatings.
- Shut up, you slut!
Up, quick! 
Retreat!
Yes, this is good. 
Over here!
Come on.
Yes!
Charlotte, my dear!
(Music)
Be quiet. 
Everything's fine.
- I was at the gypsy's.
Oh, she and her prophecies.
- But she was right.
She said to Charlotte:
"You will be a princess."
Oh fine, then she'll be a princess now.
Ir was planted into her head.
Calm down. 
You will see, everything is fine.
Look.
Where are we?
- You must not get up.
Where are we going?
- To America. we have already set sail.
And you?
- I go with you. 
I would like to see,
Don't be depressed.
You don't have any sorrows anymore.
Everything's settled. 
Your grain is sold, in 8 hours everything was gone.
And they paid in gold, oh yes.
in bright gold pieces, no paper money.
And how much?
- Now you wake up, huh? 
7.000 pounds and this is not all. 
I loaded all my wine.
450 barrels red and 800 white. 
With such a business, I better go myself.
You introduce me to Mr. Davison.
In-laws have to understand each other.
Davison, Margret.
- But yes, that is in order.
You will marry your fiancée.
Ynd you will be rich. 
Look at this.
What is it?
- Your divorce certificate, signed and legal.
The paper, quick, catch it!
Catch it, quick!
Come on! 
Jump!
It must not sink! 
No!
Oh, merciful God.
Where do you go?
I must go back and start again.
- Stop! 
Stay here, Nicolas!
Are you mad!
Nicolas!
Come back! 
Don't be stupid!
He's still in love with her.
They will never get away from each other.
(Music)
Say, where have they all gone?
- To the Chateau de Charet.
Is the prince among them?
- Neo, he's travelling someplace else.
He's breaking through to the emigrants, to the Prussians. 
To Koblenz.
The French are everywhere down there, You will become acquainted with all of them.
Every day there will be balls and celebrations.
I will introduce you to the prince, he's playing an excellent Domino.
- I am cold.
I will buy a beautiful house, with an porcelain oven from Meissen and a garden, that goes in steps down to the Rhine.
- Will we live beside the Rhine?
Oh yes, you just wait.
There it is.
They will have a boat. 
And domestics, who serve them Chocolate.
And is it still very far?
- Now we are here, which means, 3/4 of the way are behind us.
The day after tomorrow we are saved.
Relax a little.
Go to sleep.
- If only I could.
You know, what once was prophesied to me?
- That you will be a princess...
It's astonishing, yes.
- And it is the same with Nicolas.
She told him: "You will make your fortune in a new world, where you will be rich and famous."
In a yellow carriage?
They passed by here last night.
They went on to Montague.
Hopp!
(Music)
Come on, boys, get up!
- Come on, on your feet!
Hey, stop this!
- Hey, up with you!
Hey, slowly my friend!
Not quite so fast.
We have been marching for a week.
- Where do you want to go?
To Sauverne.
- Where they fight? 
Are you volunteers?
Of course. 
Aren't you?
- Hey!
Hey!
Don't you believe that the battle is over before we even arrive?
Do you know where he is from? 
From Bajonne.
- You?
From Paris. 
And where are you from?
- From America.
I don't know what's so funny about it?
- If it's true, you surpass us all.
From America, to fight for us.
Let me hug you, brother.
Long live the republic!
Citizens, Soldiers, listen. 
The whole world looks on you, on this country.
You will not fight against foreign people, but against the tyranny that chains them.
Still the kings of Europe talk down to us in the language of the aristocracy.
Let victorious battles be our answer!
Citizens, Soldiers, the peoples...
Stop! 
Come on!
- No, don't, we go on.
Let it be!
- Hands off, my friend!
Listen closely my boy, you keep to it, you understand?
Come on, hurry up a little.
- The clothes merchant, that's you?
Yes.
- where do you want to go?
Straßburg.
- You'll never get there, the Austrians are in Sauverne.
- But we have to go back home.
He can't expect it to get to the front Nobody can slow him down.
Do you know where he's coming from? 
From America!
- You see it, citizens.
They come to us from all over the world.
We will ot remain alone.
All nations extend us their hands.
Vive I'Amérique!
Long live the friends of the republic!
Hurra to the Americans!
Praise him!
What's up?
- There, Nicolas!
Oh no, you're dreaming.
He is still there.
- This is all your nerves.
So get a grip on yourself, soon the nightmare will be over.
Taumbure?
- That's me. 
I thought, you would not come.
- Mount, we have to go on.
(Singing)
Drive faster!
The Austrians?
- 2 miles ahead of us.
Yesterday we could have outflanked them, but today this is impossible anymore.
We must go directly there, break through the french lines.
Stay in cover, you can never know!
(Singing)
What's up?
- There he is, right beside us!
But this cannot be true.
- Oh, Charlotte, a surprise.
Hey, man, this is my wife.
What are you doing here?
And you?
- I'm going to a wedding.
To whose wedding?
- My own.
He has become mad.
- Get lost, leave us in peace!
Do they want to go to the austrians?
- She wants to go to the emigrants?
Whether you want to go to the emigrants?
- You are funny, you and your America.
- That's over, I'll stay here, in our France. 
Who will abandon the republic?
Everybody has to help.
Am I right, citizens?
Come on now, Requiem!
- Faster, you beasts!
I lost it, it's swimming in the water.
Quick, come!
Help, Monseigneur.
You despicable scoundrel! 
You miserable rascal!
And don't take advantage of my situation!
Hands off! 
Let go or I'll bite.
Come on, try it!
- You swine You brutal bastard!
Charlotte, stay here!
Don't be stupid,
We already lost enough time.
- Why doesn't he let me in peace?
Because he loves you, Madame.
- Monseigneur, you are back again!
Shoot him!
- No!
No!
Madame.
Nicolas! 
Caution!
Come, quick! 
The gun!
- Get going!
Faster! 
Faster!
And your wife?
- You can keep her.
Oh, no! 
I don't want to!
- Oh, stop it!
I'm begging you, Madame, paople are watching.
- Stop staring, will you?
I have nothing to do with you.
- But you belong to us.
We will marry.
- Never!
Charlotte!
Emperor, what does it mean, the Emperor?
- I will tell the Emperor.
Good, go to him.
- I will, tonight.
You bastard, if you do that, I will... wait!
What do you wnat to tell him?
- Oh, you will see.
You will see something else.
- You despicable scoundrel, you!
I will... (Narrator) 15 years later the prophecy of the gypsy was fulfilled.
She told Charlotte:
"You will be a princess."
And to Nicolas: "You will make your fortune in a new world."
In the year 1809 General Philibert was appointed prince by Napoleon.

'Liftoff complete.
Onboard read-out is go.'
'Roger.
You are clear for EO. 
Out.'
'Lunar Module to Control:
separation A-OK.'
'This is Lunar Module to Moonbase Control.'
'Have visual contact.'
'Roger, Lunar Module.
Have you on track for auto landing.'
'The Lunar Module with Colonel Freeman on board is docking now.'
Hello, Gay! 
Shall we start?
- Hello, Nina!
- Hello, Colonel!
- How's everything going?
- Fine.
- How are things, Joan?
- Fine, sir.
- Is that your report?
- You'll find everything's in order.
I'm sure I shall.
Shall we continue?
The spares situation might need reviewing.
- I'd like the level up 20 per cent.
- Funny you should say that.
Straker asked me to get your ideas on the subject. 
He had the same idea.
- Hi, Colonel!
- Hi, Lew!
What times are you making on the Interceptor launches?
- About 125 seconds flat.
- That's pretty good.
Well, that's it for this month.
- I'll report a clean bill of health.
- Fine.
'I have a possible sighting.
'Will relay details of speed and trajectory.'
'I have a trace bearing.
'062-415 green.
Confirm sighting. 
Yellow alert.
'I repeat, yellow alert.'
Good luck, Mark.
OK, let's go!
'UFO has entered area blue 634.
'Interceptors are in position, awaiting confirmation.
'Will compute attack coordinates and missile firings 'as soon as possible.'
The next sweep should tell us.
'Red alert. 
Red alert.
'Confirm Unidentified Flying Object.'
This is Moonbase Control.
Red alert.
'Red alert. 
Interceptors, immediate launch.'
Interceptors, immediate launch.
Interceptor 3:
R-checks A-OK.
Interceptor 2:
R-checks A-OK.
Interceptor 1. 
R-checks A-OK.
Switch to radio link 4, onboard computer waveband 066.
'Confirm speed 0,SOL 8.'
Bearing?
- 342-047.
- That's it, don't lose it.
Base to Interceptors.
Have the UFO on positive track.
Speed SOL 0,8.
Speed SOL 0,8.
'Bearing 342-047.'
'UFO maintaining course.
'Predict Interceptors in range 51 seconds.'
Control to leader: get onboard computer for the autocount.
Roger. 
Missile launch:
5 seconds.
4, 3, 2,
1, 0.
Have visual contact with explosion.
Detonation positive.
Did they get it?
- I still have a contact, Lieutenant.
- Double-check.
Positive.
'Predict UFO on collision course with Interceptors.
'Impact: 32 seconds.'
'Interceptor 2, alter course to 024-201.'
'Impact: 14 seconds.'
Interceptor 1 to Base.
Request new course.
'1 to Base.
Request new course!
'
Control to Interceptor 3.
Alter course to 124-186.
'9 seconds.'
Interceptor 1 to Base.
Request new course.
Interceptor 1, alter course to 024-218.
It's too late, Lieutenant.
Come in, 1. 
Come in, 1.
'Impact confirmed.
Interceptor 1 destroyed.'
Why, Alec?
- You've read the report.
- Yes.
An astronaut killed, a UFO through the outer defences.
The report tells me what happened, I want to know why.
I don't really know.
- Alec, I know you better than that.
- Things happened so fast.
- Meaning?
- I can't be sure.
I'll settle for an educated guess, Alec.
The error could have been human.
A decision was taken, it could have worked, but it didn't.
Right.
I want the 2 surviving astronauts and Lieutenant Ellis back here on the next moon flight.
Right.
Oh, what happened to the UFO?
We lost it in a radar blind spot.
But one thing's certain:
it landed.
Landed? 
Where?
Just about the worst place possible.
Somewhere in an area of 50,000 square miles in northern Canada.
Everything we got that flies is out looking for it.
Have completed grid search.
Nothing to report.
'OK, skiper.
See you in one hour.'
No, I'm going around again.
It'll stay light long enough for one more run.
It looks a long way off, doesn't it?
Might as well be at the other end of the universe.
Has anyone seen Lieutenant Ellis?
- She's in Central Park.
- Thanks.
There's a lucky one who'll be back on terra firma tomorrow.
If by terra firma you mean Straker's carpet, rather them than me.
Gay, we all took the same chance.
Ken was unlucky. 
These things happen. 
Nobody's to blame.
Don't give me that crud, Masden.
Find it!
If you need more aircraft, appropriate them.
Yes. 
Yes, I'm giving you the authority.
Yes. 
Right. 
Right.
- What now?
- 'The Moonbase personnel are here.'
Send them in.
- Now, look, Alec...
- I know, I know.
- You want that UFO located.
- Yes.
Bradley, Waterman, Lieutenant Ellis...
I assume you know why you are here?
I'd like to say something, sir.
As Interceptor leader,
I want to accept complete and sole responsibility for what happened.
Very gallant.
Yes, that's a very brave gesture.
But out of line.
I know what happened, now I want to know why.
You people were selected because of your outstanding character, as well as intellect.
What went wrong?
Anything from those satellite shots?
- No, sir.
- Well, keep looking.
It's got to be there somewhere.
'Have relocated UFO in area blue.'
- Straker.
- 'We've picked it up.'
Great. 
I'll be right there.
Thank you, Greenland.
- Where is it?
- Crossing the Atlantic seaboard.
Speed is down. 
The Interceptors must've damaged it.
- Alert Sky 1.
- Right, sir.
'SHADO HQ, skipper.
They've located the UFO.'
Be right there!
I've got the UFO's fix. 
If we steer 042 we meet in 18 minutes.
Right. 
Alter course to 042!
Give her everything she's got!
Maximum speed!
Lieutenant Ellis, Waterman, begin the computer test while I interview Bradley.
Right.
- Cigarette?
- Thank you.
Nervous?
No.
There's no need to be. 
This is all quite confidential. 
Please sit.
There.
Before we start, I'd like to get one thing straight.
I've no liking for you blacks.
Have you ever heard that phrase on Moonbase?
No, never.
You didn't seem surprised when I said it.
I assumed you didn't mean it.
Good. 
Good.
This time we'll get it.
Range 800 miles, sir.
Closing.
- Launch stations.
- Launch stations!
- Liftoff stations.
- Yes, sir. 
Good luck.
Right. 
Stand by for liftoff.
Levelling off at 10,000.
Roger. 
Sky One airborne, sir.
Thanks.
Word association. 
Ready?
- Father.
- Mother.
- Hot.
- Cold.
- Geometry.
- Variable.
Yes, of course.
You were a pilot before an astronaut.
- Apple.
- Teacher.
- Sun.
- Moon.
- Tree.
- Pine.
- Hate.
- Love.
Love.
'This is SHADO Control.
'UFO 48 miles from your present position.'
Thanks, Control.
I have it on the scope.
Have visual contact.
Closing for attack.
Sky 1 reports a hit but UFO has turned and is still airborne.
Signal all radar stations.
Tell the commanders if they lose it this time, they'll answer to me.
Get some rest, Alec.
You look tired.
SHADO Control to all radar tracking stations.
UFO has been hit, but is still airborne.
- Did he say anything else?
- No, just that I'd been cleared and I'm on the next flight back to the moon.
And us?
He's the one who needs looking at.
'Don't worry, he can't hear in that glass case.'
Tell me something. 
Does SHADO have anyone checking him out?
If they did it would probably be a computer.
Lieutenant Ellis, will you come in, please?
Please sit down.
- Coming down, sir.
- Great.
When it lands, let me know its exact position.
Oh, have a seat, Alec.
I don't believe it!
- Oh, that's for you.
- Thanks.
Well, the UFO has landed, but this time, we know where.
Exact position?
Close enough to Lexfield Air Base for you to be there by first light.
- Fine.
- I want them, Alec.
I want them alive.
I'll do what I can.
You'll be the Field Commander.
I'll monitor the operation from here.
Central Control will give you all the details, but the Transporter will be ready for takeoff at 2100 hours.
- Fine.
- Oh, one more thing, Alec.
Dr Shroeder has finished with the Moonbase personnel.
His report is quite clear.
I'd like you to handle that, too.
- I'll do it before I leave.
- This is the way I want it done.
- 'Mahogany.' - 'Table.'
- 'Grass.' - 'Green.'
- 'Laugh.' - 'Cry.'
This is an interesting reaction.
Watch this carefully.
- 'Sunrise.' - 'Morning.'
'Black.'
'Black.'
'Bird. 
Blackbird.'
'Blackbird.
Ah, yes, yes. 
Good.'
A 2.04 second delay.
You could see her mind racing.
She was consciously avoiding giving the standard answer: white.
Look at the stress factor at that point, 5 times normal.
And your conclusions are based on that?
They're based on 8 hours of exhaustive tests, 20 years of experience and the computer's conclusion.
That example was one even a layman might understand.
I'll leave you to it.
Come in, come in.
Sit down.
I won't waste time with the details of this report because you'll be given copies.
But I'd like to read its conclusions.
"1) Taking into account the circumstances at the time, it was clearly the duty of Lieutenant Ellis to decide the type of evasive action to be taken."
"On that count, Lieutenant Ellis is cleared, provided the decision was in no way influenced by emotional factors."
"2) The three personnel concerned took standard psychiatric and psychocomputer tests with the following results."
"Astronaut Lew Waterman, clear on all counts."
"Astronaut Mark Bradley, emotion count .48 paranormal, clear on other counts."
"Lieutenant Ellis, stress factor 1.28 paranormal."
"Emotion count .35 paranormal, clear on other counts."
"3) These results are attributed to an emotional attachment between Lieutenant Ellis and astronaut Bradley."
It ends with a recommendation as to what action should be taken.
We'll just hope this thing sorts itself out.
Straker's given you separate postings. 
Bradley,
- you'll report to Moonbase.
- And me, sir?
SHADO Headquarters, earth.
Everything's fine with the Air Force, you'll get their fullest cooperation.
- I'll be on my way.
- Oh, Alec...
- Who are you taking?
- Does it matter?
No, except that I hadn't seen the list of personnel.
- Mark Bradley and Lieutenant Ellis.
- Your decision?
My decision.
Without the aid of a computer.
They'll be back inside 3 days to take up their new postings.
The Transporter's just landed at Lexfield, Canada, sir.
Fine, fine.
'SHADO Mobiles 1, 2 and 3, proceed to search the area.'
'This is Control.
In position on airfield perimeter.'
The other Mobiles are on their way, sir.
Good.
SHADO Mobile 1 to Control.
In position.
- 'Roger, 1.' 
- No visual contact.
- 'SHADO Mobile 2 in position, sir.' - 'SHADO Mobile 3 in position.'
- All three Mobiles in position, sir.
- Good.
- Send one in.
- Which one, sir?
The one in the best position.
Standard procedure.
Control to SHADO Mobile 3.
- 'Close in for final assault.' 
- Roger, Control.
They should be able to see it any second.
There it is!
- Have visual, 300 yards ahead.
- Any sign of movement?
No, nothing. 
We're going in closer.
'Right. 
Take it easy.'
- SHADO Mobile 3 under attack.
- Head back to the ridge.
We're still under fire...
SM 3, can you hear me? 
Come in, SM 3.
Radio and tracking link negative.
They must've been hit.
Send the next one in.
I know the risk. 
Send it in.
This is Control to SHADO Mobile 1.
Close in on UFO.
'Roger.'
This is Colonel Freeman.
Assume SM 3 is non-operational.
'Stop just below the ridge and proceed on foot.'
- I repeat, proceed on foot.
- 'Understood.'
OK, let's go.
Roger.
Backup forces in position and standing by, sir.
OK, fan out.
250 yards from UFO. 
Closing in.
They're closing in, sir.
Take cover!
Keep down!
Look out!
The UFO, sir!
Get down!
- Hello, Mark.
- Hi.
Quite a day!
Yes, they're flying the alien back to HQ now.
- You all right?
- I'm fine.
Mark, there's something I must tell you.
After Mobile 3 was hit, Freeman told me to send another one in.
Mobile 2 was in a better position.
It's OK.
I was glad of the action.
Don't you understand what I'm saying?
I risked your life to prove a point.
You did it to prove that Straker and the computers were wrong.
Well?
Much the same situation we've experienced before.
The alien was breathing a liquid containing a bioaquaphilic compound, imparting the usual green tint to the face and neck.
The hair was unaffected and the eyes have protective shells.
We've reverted the respiration to normal atmosphere.
- Successfully?
- 5 hours is not enough to tell.
It's long enough to tell us if we're dealing with a young alien.
Past experience has shown that once they breathe our atmosphere, they deteriorate to their true age.
I want to see if I can get anything out of him. 
How soon can he be ready?
We're crossing new physiological frontiers. 
How can I say?
Well, I...
I suppose he's as ready now as he'll ever be.
Right, Doctor.
He appears to be humanoid and highly intelligent.
The biosensor tells us his eyes and ears are in excellent condition.
Computer reports indicate he's in perfect health.
There must be some way we can communicate.
You've been interrogating him for 43 minutes. 
How much longer?
Why?
We must remove the compound from his hair to assist oxygen absorption.
All right, all right.
Now, let's go over it once again.
The answers are needed to certain questions.
I'm asking you to cooperate.
It's no good, Alec. 
He either can't or doesn't want to understand.
There's no alternative.
I'll try one of the new anodynes to break down his resistance.
Which do you recommend, Doctor?
GL-7 is the most effective in my experience but...
- but in this case...
- Well?
I can't guarantee the results.
It could be dangerous.
- How dangerous?
- Who knows?
But the decision and the responsibility must be yours.
Your reactions are all right, you heard that clearly enough.
All right, Doctor.
Now, the drug will lower your resistance, it's no use fighting it.
You must help us. 
You must cooperate.
Pulse rate increasing.
Still increasing.
Hold him. 
Hold him down!
- Drink, Alec?
- No thanks.
I'd like you to accept this.
We've worked together a long time, Alec.
- Maybe too long.
- Can't we talk about it?
There's not much to say.
It's a difference in temperament.
You think I wanted him to die?
It was a calculated risk.
It's not only that.
You make all your decisions based on cold logic. 
Computer predictions.
1984. 
I wonder what it's going to be like in 20 years' time.
Will the computers take over completely?
Why don't you ask them?
They have all the answers even now.
We build them, program them and they tell us what we're going to think before we know ourselves.
You'd better make that phone call.
I'll sleep on it.
Straker.
It's for you, Alec.
Freeman.
When did you find this out?
You know what it means, don't you?
Right. 
No, no.
No, leave that with me.
Yeah. 
Bye.
- Mark Bradley.
- Important?
He thinks it is.
Well, it looks like you were right.
You and your computers.
Oh, by the way, Alec.
Would you tell Lieutenant Ellis and astronaut Bradley to return to Moonbase immediately and assume their normal duties?
- The report didn't recommended that.
- Not the first report, no.
But this report analysed the flight paths, and it shows that, had normal procedure been followed, we would have lost all three Interceptors.
You mean her decision wasn't influenced by emotion.
You tell me.
See you.

# How will you make it on your own #
# This world is awfully big #
# And, girl this time you're all alone #
# But it's time you started living #
# It's time you let someone else do some giving #
# Love is all around #
# No need to waste it #
# You can have the town Why don't you take it #
# You might just make it #
# After all #
# You might just make it after all ##
- Things a little slow today, Murr?
- Yeah.
- How would like an exclusive story?
- I'd love it.
My fan club is having its annual Ted Baxter Bridge Tournament tonight.
Oh, that's exclusive, all right.
Last year they couldn't find a fourth.
- Mar, would you like to play?
- I would. 
I'd like to.
But I've got an aunt from my hometown coming in. 
I'm gonna take her to dinner and a movie.
Well, why don't you bring her to a TV show?
I don't think there are a lot of famous TV shows done here in Minneapolis.
Wait a minute, Mary.
I think you're missing Ted's point.
I think she'd find it inspiring to watch a topflight newscaster in action.
I mean, not just reading the news, but the inside stuff...
wardrobe, makeup, the way I make that fist before I go on.
- You know, all that inside stuff.
- Uh-huh.
- Mary, did you finish that letter?
- Yes, sir. 
I'll get it for you.
What are you doing here?
Just trying to keep up the troop's morale, Lou.
Does he really believe that?
Incredible.
- Here it is, Mr. Grant.
- Oh, thanks. 
Fix me a drink, will ya?
[Muttering] He can fix his own drink.
I'm not a bartender.
- What did you say?
- Nothing, nothing.
[Shouts] Murray!
Mr. Grant, there is an intercom.
Yeah, I know. 
But I figure this way, it's more personal.
Did you write up that story, the South American revolution?
Yeah, I have a standard story.
I just fill in the name of the country, the names of the generals, et cetera.
- Mm.
- [Sniffing]
Yes, I know. 
I'm going home and change my dress before I meet my aunt.
You better. 
You smell like a distillery.
[Chuckles]
A great distillery.
Help!
- Mary, did you just call for help?
- Yes!
- What is it? 
What's the matter?
- My... 
My clothes!
Oh, I see what you mean. 
You smell like you've been dancing with Dean Martin.
No! 
Not these clothes, those clothes. 
My closet.
- Oh. 
Is it safe?
- Yes.
Mary, I heard you yell for help.
I would've come sooner, but I had something in the oven. 
What's wrong?
There's something in Mary's closet.
There's nothing in Mary's closet.
- Where are your clothes?
- Gone! 
Everything in the closet is gone.
Mary, call the police.
Right. 
I've got to call the police.
I hope they get here in a hurry.
My poor aunt is waiting for me on a street corner.
- Let me handle this. 
If you want the cops fast, I can get 'em here fast.
- Great.
Hello, police. 
There's a man with a gun trying to get into my apartment.
- Rhoda!
- Mary Richards, 119 North Wetherley, apartment D.
- Rhoda, you can't...
- Hurry! 
He's coming in!
He's pulling the phone out of my hand!
[Screams]
Well, they should be here shortly.
Rhoda, I don't think you should've done that.
Oh, they don't mind.
They get calls like that all day long.
Oh, I can't tell you how creepy I feel... to know that there was some stranger in here... breathing heavily and pawing at my things with his hairy arms.
- How do you know he's got hairy arms?
- Oh, I just know.
- What did he take, Mary?
- Everything. 
All my clothes. 
Everything.
Even my brand-new cape that I haven't finished paying for yet.
[Phyllis] It won't do any good to get angry with him.
Criminals are misunderstood enough to begin with.
Yeah? 
Stealing my cape is not gonna help him in his quest for understanding.
Especially if he wears it.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
- Whoever did it was drinking heavily at the time.
- No, Phyllis. 
That's Mary.
And this is it.
I haven't got a thing to wear.
That's probably the first time a woman has ever said that and it's really been true.
- I'll loan you something.
- You can borrow a dress from me.
Oh, thank you.
You are both so thoughtful.
Yes, Rhoda, that's very thoughtful of you, dear, but Mary and I have the same taste... good.
Nothing!
Nothing, nothing.
- Nothing.
- [Rhoda] That was really rotten.
[Phyllis] Poor Mary. 
It's all right.
We're gonna get something for you.
[All Chattering]
- Excuse me.
- [Mary] Oh, thank goodness.
- Where is he?
- [Mary, Phyllis] Who?
- You made a phone call?
- I did not.
- Who made the phone call?
- She did.
- She dialed.
- Who lives here?
- [Phyllis] She lives here.
- I live downstairs. 
She lives upstairs.
- Officers?
Listen, you can put the guns away, because about the phone call, actually, we were just, uh, kidding about the gunman part.
You were kidding about a gunman?
Hey, fellas, let's look at the positive side.
True, there's no gunman.
But there was a robbery.
If there was no gunman, why did you say there was a gunman?
She wanted you to come quickly.
What else you girls do for laughs?
Turn in false alarms?
- [Sniffing] 
- Oh, that's me over here.
I wasn't drinking it.
I just spilled it on my person. 
Uh...
- Would you like to see the scene of the crime?
- Tully, see what's missing.
- It's right in here.
- Yeah, I'll check.
Officer, I'm Phyllis Lindstrom, and I'm aware that all over the country... there is controversy concerning the police.
I just want you to know that I have an open mind.
- That's nice.
- Jackson, there's certainly a lot missing in that closet.
Oh?
Could I have your name, please?
Yes, sir.
It's Mary Richards, and I am the rob-ee.
Victim.
- Rhoda Morgenstern. 
I'm her friend.
- Officer Tully.
I'm Phyllis Lindstrom.
I live downstairs.
Nice to meet you.
We met in the closet.
This is OfficerJackson.
If we're through with the introductions, would you girls like to sit down?
I'd like to ask Miss Richards exactly what happened.
- Miss Richards, exactly what happened?
- I was robbed.
Somebody came into my apartment and stole all of my clothes.
And my TV!
At least they didn't take your records.
That's right.
At least they did not take my records.
But they took my stereo.
Oh!
Aw, gee, that's too bad.
What time did this happen?
I don't know.
It must've been while I was at work.
Oh, then you weren't robbed.
- I wasn't?
- You were burglarized.
Oh! 
That's a relief.
Officers, continue your questioning.
- Mary, I'm gonna get you a dress.
- I'll get you a better one.
When did you first realize that there was a robbery?
- A burglary!
- When I came home about ten minutes ago... and looked in my closet and noticed that there was nothing in it.
- Is there anyone you suspect?
- No.
Jackson. 
No suspects.
This next question that I am going to ask you, you may think it's a very personal type of question.
But for those of us who have taken the exam to be a detective, as we know, it has to be asked.
Does anyone else have a key to your apartment?
No.
I didn't think so.
Jackson!
There's something very intriguing about this case.
Yeah, I wonder what.
Leave the detecting to the detectives.
- I want to talk to you for a minute.
- Excuse me. 
Just be right...
Do you always have to put me down in front of people?
- Only when you start acting like Ironside.
- You're acting like Ironside.
Officers, I do hate to seem to be rushing things, but I really have to get going.
It'll just be a few more minutes.
Jackson, why don't you check the window sash?
- Mary, here's a dress for you.
It's brand new, never been worn.
- Oh, Phyl...
Here it is. 
It has 10,000 miles on it, but it's just back from the cleaners.
- Right. 
Come on.
- Oh, but...
That's the breaks, Phyl.
- Tully, come on!
- Would you wait a second?
I want to see how she looks in it.
Officer Tully, you know, Bess...
that's my daughter...
Oh, OfficerJackson should be here.
He would appreciate this.
Bess came home from school the other day and she said,
"The... 
The policeman is our friend."
That's very nice.
I'll tell OfficerJackson.
You know what I said to Bess?
I said, "Bess, you're absolutely right."
Gives you an idea of the fantastic conversations they have at her house.
Well, one thing's good... 
Mary won't have to worry about being robbed again.
Oh, that's not necessarily true.
You see, many times they come back to the same place.
Do me a favor.
Don't tell Mary that.
I heard!
- Is that true?
- Oh, you look terrific.
- That's a great color for you.
- Thank you.
- Is that true what you said, that they sometimes come back?
- Oh, seldom, very seldom.
And if you need any help, just call and ask for 1636.
All right, extension 1636.
- No, no. 
Badge 1636.
- Badge.
- I don't have an extension.
- Oh.
- Nice meeting you girls.
- [Rhoda] We'll have to do this again sometime.
- Bye, Mary. 
Uh...
- Thank you.
I hope your aunt doesn't think that's a maternity dress.
- Hi, Mr. Grant.
- [Grunts]
Thank you for giving me the extra half hour.
I think I got some really good dresses.
- Anything big happening around here?
- Nothing.
The biggest story of the day is that somebody talked at the Paris peace talks.
I never realized what a hassle being robbed could be.
The man at the insurance agency...
- acted as though he thought I did it.
- Did you settle a claim yet?
- Yeah, I signed yesterday and got the check today...
- Eh?
for about 20% of what my clothes were worth.
- At least they paid off quickly.
- Yes, and then they canceled my policy.
That figures. 
They love ya as long as you never have a claim.
- Hey, Mar, did you buy some new clothes?
- Oh, yes.
Oh, I bought a sport coat that color.
Brings out my eyes.
Which one?
The blue or the pink?
Start writing'. 
Red China just signed a mutual defense pact with Albania.
Albania? 
That's the capital of New York, isn't it?
Well, I've got to go watch a show on educational television.
Sesame Street.
That reminds me, there's some really great television on tonight.
And I won't be able to watch it.
They stole my TV.
- You can come over to our place and watch it.
- Oh, thanks, Murray.
No, I guess I'll just stay home and have a good time listening to my records.
[Rueful Chuckle] No.
No, I'll just stay home and have a good time cleaning my oven.
Help!
[Siren Blaring]
We'll get whoever did this, I promise you.
[Sniffling, Quavering] That's what you said the first time.
Being hysterical will not do you any good.
Well, being calm didn't do me any good either.
Everything'll be all right, Mar... 
I...
You coward.
- We'll need a list of what's missing.
- Everything!
A pattern's beginning to emerge.
Yes! 
The pattern is, this guy keeps coming back and robbing me!
- Burglarizing.
- Oh!
Whatever you call it, when is he gonna stop?
I think he's about finished.
Well, you still have your lamp, your sofa and that "M" thing.
Wait a minute, fellas.
If this kid gets hit again,
- the Red Cross is gonna have to come in with coffee and doughnuts.
- [Phyllis] Hi.
I saw the police car downstairs, and I wondered what happened.
- Oh, Mary, your apartment. 
Oh...
- I know.
You.
It's your job to protect... innocent citizens from things like this.
Look... 
Look at that poor girl.
What kind of a police department do we have here anyway?
We're doing our very best, Phyllis.
Did you notice any strange people around here today?
Just the usual.
Wait a second. 
Wait a second.
As I was leaving for my Esperanto class,
I saw a big truck parked right out in front.
I didn't think anything about it at the time.
Can you describe this, uh, big truck?
Uh, yes, Officer.
It was a, uh, a truck.
- Big.
- Phyllis, please try, because the only hope of getting my things back is if you can remember.
- So, Phyllis, if you could...
- It was blue.
- Good, good.
- Or was it green?
I don't know.
I didn't see it.
I guess it was blue-green... sort of an off-blue-green.
Not unlike the color of my new hostess gown.
Why don't you give them a swatch?
Was there anything else you noticed besides the blue-green?
- Uh, that and the license number.
- The license number?
- You wrote down the license number?
That's terrific!
- No, I didn't write it down.
- I remembered it.
- You remembered all those numbers and all those letters?
- I just have one of those minds.
- She does. 
She has one of those minds.
All right, all right.
What's the number?
B-B-7... 7-7-7-7-7.
Good. 
I'll put in an alert for this big truck.
Jackson, put in an alert for that big truck.
A major clue.
To have a license plate and the color...
- Great!
- We're really making headway.
Officer Tully, I want to apologize for acting so emotionally before.
- You're doing a great job. 
Thank you.
- Thank you.
Well, you know, when you're studying to be a detective, you kind of get a sixth sense for these things.
- Mary, you know what you need, kid?
A good night's sleep.
- Yeah.
- Why don't you stay at my place?
- You're welcome to sleep at my place.
- Or even stay at...
- Don't say it.
I am on duty here.
[Siren Blaring]
Why can't my partner learn to use the horn?
Just a little beep.
That's all you need.
Oh, I can't forget the old superstition... about bad things coming in threes.
I walked into my apartment last night, I looked everywhere, even the refrigerator.
- A little bit of paranoia is a character developer.
- Oh!
I haven't slept more than a couple of hours the last few days.
I keep thinking he's gonna come back and steal my sofa too.
Look, Mar, I don't know if you can use any of this.
- We've had it around for quite a while.
- Oh, Murray!
They're practically antiques.
- This is an alarm clock.
It's so old, it has Roman numerals.
- Oh, Murray!
Here is a waffle iron, in case you have any waffles you want to iron.
Oh, that's great.
Murray, that's so sweet.
Thank you.
- Well, it was all Marie's idea.
- Ah!
- Morning, Murray.
- Morning, Lou.
- Good morning, Mr. Grant.
- Mary.
I don't like the coffee it makes.
Maybe you will.
Will you look at this? 
This pot has never been used. 
He bought it for me.
Well, don't tell anyone.
You'll ruin his image.
Heigh-ho, everyone.
I think you can quit worrying.
The third bad thing just happened.
A little something to help you rebuild, Mar.
- It's for your kitchen.
- Oh, Ted!
- It's an ice crusher.
- Oh, Ted, that's sensational.
I've always wanted an ice crusher, but it's the kind of thing... you never think to go out and buy for yourself.
[Ted Chuckles]
Thank you.
Is it electric or manual?
All right. 
So it isn't one of those big, electric fancy ones.
- What's wrong with that?
- Calling that an ice crusher... is like giving someone a match and calling it a barbecue.
Here, Mar, I'll show you how it works.
You put an ice cube in your hand, and then you strike it like this and voila.
- [Chuckles] 
- I've always wanted to know what "voila" meant, and now I know.
It means, "I've got a handful of crushed ice."
- You're some joker!
- Thank you, Ted.
- The last of the big spenders.
- Come on. 
It's the thought that counts.
I know, and he has cheap thoughts.
[Phone Rings]
Newsroom, Mary Richards.
Uh, Larry?
Larry, Larry...
Larry Tully.
Officer Larry Tully.
Well, I'm fine, thanks.
You did?
Oh, that's great.
Yes, thank you.
Yes, I'll be right there. 
Good-bye.
That was my policeman, Officer Larry Tully.
They think they got the guy who did the robbery.
I have to go to the police station.
Hey, that's great.
Now that you know the guy's been caught, maybe you won't be so nervous.
Oh, come on, Murray.
I was never really nervous.
All right, let's see here.
Uh, Richards, Richards...
- "Mary Richards, breaking and entering." 
- Yes, that's me.
Tully said that if you got here before him to wait.
- Would you like a magazine?
- Oh, thank you very much.
Uh, don't he look like a nice fella?
Wanted for murder, assault and armed robbery.
Triple threat.
You just can't tell anything about anybody by looking at 'em.
Mm. 
True.
You know what I do every morning?
Get up and go over the park and sit on a bench.
Ever since I was a little kid, I've seen old men sitting' on park benches.
It's kind of boring, but I figure it's my obligation.
That's very nice.
- What are you here for?
- Robbery.
- Really?
- No. 
No, I was robbed... uh, burglarized.
Eh, that's bad.
A lot of that going around.
Especially in my apartment.
Huh! 
Happened to me twice.
Hm!
I've been mugged 13 times.
Well, you certainly don't look it.
Oh, I guess I'm just mug prone.
Course, hanging around the park doesn't help.
You'd think those muggers would go to a nicer neighborhood,
- so they could make a better living.
- [Laughs] Yes.
Tell me, have you ever been to one of these identifications before?
Thirteen times.
You just go in that room over there, and they line the guys up.
It's better than sittin' on a park bench.
Yeah. 
I'm gonna have a pretty difficult time identifying this man.
- How come?
- I've never seen him before.
That'll make it tough all right.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Oh, hi, Jerry.
- Hi.
- Well, what do you think?
How do you like it?
- What?
Oh, congratulations.
You made detective.
No, it's just a new suit.
Oh, well, you certainly should be a detective.
- Thank you.
- Uh, do I have to see the burglar?
- No.
- Oh, good.
One thing...
Did he have hairy arms?
- Yes.
- I knew it!
Now, we just want you to identify some of your things.
- You got my things back?
- Well, we think so.
How did you do it?
That's terrific.
Well, Jackson and I had just come on duty, and we were cruising when we spotted the truck.
And you recognized it from Phyllis's description?
No, they had changed the license plate, but there was still something suspicious about it.
They were trying to make people think they were one of those charity groups.
Well, that certainly was pretty tricky of them, wasn't it?
Well, it would have been, except for the name they had printed on the truck... the Salvation Navy.
- Stupid, stupid people.
- The worst!
- Well, I think you did a wonderful job.
- Thank you.
You know, this man is a wonderful policeman.
- He really should be made detective.
- I'll see what I can do.
- He's the same rank as I am.
- Get the receipts for everything she takes.
- Right.
- My TV set!
- Your alleged TV set.
And my alleged clothes!
Oh, great!
- The rest of the stuff is down at the warehouse.
- Oh!
- Hello, Miss Richards.
- Oh, hello, OfficerJackson.
Did Officer Tully tell you you'll have to leave one of your dresses for evidence?
- No.
- Oh, yes.
Oh. 
Well, here.
Uh... 
No, that's my favorite.
I wanna wear that tomorrow. 
All right.
- This one.
- You know, I like that one.
- Do you like that one? 
Yeah.
- It's nice.
[Both Scream]
[Gasps] Phyllis!
Mary, I'm sorry to startle you.
I just came up to get my dress.
I need it for tonight.
- How did you get in?
- Oh, well, I used my nail file.
Mary, your lock is really easy to pick.
No wonder you're getting knocked over so often.
Phyl, couldn't you have waited until I got home?
I didn't know how late you'd be. 
Lars and I are going to the SCARD convention.
Phyl, uh...
[Chuckles] what-what is, uh, SCARD?
- SCARD. 
S-C-A-R-D.
- Uh-huh.
SCARD... the Society of Concerned and Responsible Dermatologists.
Lars is speaking on the social implications of dandruff.
- That certainly sounds exciting.
- Would you like to come, Mary?
I've got an extra ticket.
- No, no. 
No, I've got a date.
- I'll get you two tickets.
- It's a double date.
- I'll get you four tickets.
Actually, Phyl, uh, the four of us are, uh, going to a large dinner party, so...
If you really want 'em, I can scrape up 50 tickets.
Phyl, there are 52 of us.
So, have a good time.
Tough luck, Mary.
[Mews]

[SIREN WAILING]
[Music]
[RINGS DOORBELL]
MAN: 
Miss Eady?
Mr. Christie?
Come in, do.
Blessed blackout.
Well, we'll have a nice little cup of tea first. 
Come in the kitchen, it's cosier in there.
Oh, that'll be lovely.
Well.
I've only just brewed up.
Mrs. Christie's out, is she?
She's, uh... 
She's away, up in Sheffield at her sister's.
Oh, sit down, Miss Eady, do.
Thank you.
Do you, uh...?
Do you take sugar?
No, thanks.
No.
Thank you.
Well, now.
It's been bad, has it?
The bronchitis?
At nights.
It's been bad at nights.
Mm-hm.
Keeps you awake, I daresay?
Yes.
Well, this is the stuff for you, Muriel.
You don't mind if I call you Muriel, do you?
No.
No.
It's very good of you to go to all this trouble.
Oh, not at all.
All my doctor does is keep giving me this cough mixture.
Well, there.
Not many of them know about this stuff.
Oh, it smells just like friar's balsam.
Uh, well, yes.
That's in it. 
It's a mixture.
What we call a compound.
I see.
Now, here's the little mask that goes over your face.
Oh, have you finished with your tea?
Yes, thank you.
Fine.
And when it's over your face, you must breathe deeply, so you take in all the vapours, you see.
You may feel... just a bit dizzy.
What's that for?
Uh... 
That's the extractor.
It gets rid of what we call all the waste products.
Now then.
You put the mask over your face.
Lean your head back.
Lean right back.
Shut your eyes.
Olose your eyes.
That's it.
Shut your eyes.
Now then.
Start your breathing, then.
Breathe quite deeply.
Breathe.
[BUBBLING]
Breathe.
It smells a bit funny, Mr. Christie.
Yes. 
Do you feel a bit dizzy?
I do, a bit.
Yes.
Well, that's all the goodness taking effect.
Breathe, Muriel.
Breathe.
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
No, Muriel. 
No, no, no!
Breathe, Muriel.
[MUFFLED SCREAMS] No, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
[SCREAMING FADES]
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
[WHIMPERING FAINTLY]
Breathe.
Breathe.
[BUBBLING STOPS]
Muriel?
Muriel.
Oh, Muriel.
Muriel.
Muriel.
[DOG BARKS]
[DOG BARKS]
[TRAIN PASSING]
[BABY CRYING]
Ring the old bell, then, shall we?
[RINGS DOORBELL]
It's not a bad district, is it?
It's not bad.
Come on, come on.
Yes?
We've, uh... 
We...
Um, we've come about the flat.
To see it?
We just want to look it over, you know.
See if it's suitable.
Yes, well, you better come in.
Oh, that's my wife, Mrs. Christie.
They've come about the flat.
I'll lead the way.
[BABY CRIES]
I'll look after him.
The baby. 
While you're looking at the flat, I'll hold him.
He'll be all right with me.
What's his name?
Geraldine.
She, I should say.
Yes.
CHRISTIE:
Mr. Kitchener occupies this floor.
It's up one more.
TIMOTHY: 
Just the two rooms, is it?
Uh, yes.
Well, it's not what we're used to, you understand.
We used to have this mansion flat overlooking the river.
But we had to move out.
Tim?
Oh, gas, is it?
Yes, it works out less of an expense.
That's what we find.
Oh, well, we're not too worried about the money.
The job I do, we don't have to.
Oh, we'll take it.
Oh. 
Oh, Tim, I don't know.
Well, do we get use of the garden?
No.
Well, I mean, just to put the baby out.
Well, I'd like to help you, but...
It's a question of the lease.
Once you surrender the right of way,
I mean, it can take an act of Parliament, these cases.
Oh, Tim.
I don't know.
There is another couple, very keen.
Irish, as a matter of fact.
No, we'll take it.
Well, you're doing the right thing.
Right. 
Now, are you and Teddy going to have a nice sleep?
There's a good girl.
[CRYING]
Now, you have a nice sleep.
[GASPS]
Mr. Christie.
I thought you might like a...
You did make me jump.
Little cup of tea.
Well, I've just had one, actually.
Well, that's all right.
Thank you.
[TRAIN PASSING IN DISTANCE]
It's nice up here now.
Yes, it's not bad, is it?
I was in the police during the war, you know.
Were you?
We had a lot to do with medical stuff then.
Consulting.
I'm always on hand for advice, Beryl.
If you...
[DOORBELL RINGS]
WOMAN:
Has Beryl gone out, Mrs. Christie?
MRS. CHRISTIE:
I don't know.
WOMAN: 
I'll go up.
Beryl, it's me.
[DOOR CLOSES, FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Oh, I was looking for Beryl.
She's, uh...
Oh, I thought it would be you, Alice.
I got you all the stuff for tea.
Oh, thank you.
Alice, this is...
Who was that?
That was, um, the ground floor.
[VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO]
Am I late?
[TUNES OUT STATIC]
My tummy's been playing me up again today.
Oh, Reg.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Tim? 
Tim.
Might I, um...?
Might I have a word?
Mr. Christie, why sure.
There was a gentleman at the door for you today. 
He left this.
Uh, what's it say, Mr. Christie?
Oh, yes. 
I forgot.
Well, there's no need to read it anyway.
It's about the payments on your furniture.
You're six weeks in arrears, apparently.
What? 
Not paid, you mean?
No.
I didn't mention it to...
Beryl or worry her with that.
She has the money, Mr. Christie. 
She has it every week.
I gave him 10 shillings out of my own pocket.
I don't want this house getting a name, Tim.
Oh, that damn girl!
All right, don't you worry, Mr. Christie. 
You'll get that money back.
I'll be getting a new job shortly, I shouldn't wonder.
They've asked me if I want to train as a manager.
Or as a managing director.
Um...
Or something, you know.
Yes. 
Won't you have to learn to read and write for that?
Oh, no, no, no.
You have secretaries.
Things like that, see?
Yes.
Well, as long as I get my 10 shillings back.
Oh, that damn woman!
Oh, and, Tim.
There was a young girl in and out of here all day.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Christie.
[VIOLIN MUSIC CONTINUES]
What's the matter?
Oh, hello.
Hello, little one.
What you been doing today then, eh? 
Hm?
Where's Beryl?
She's having a bit of a lie down.
She's not feeling too grand.
Oh?
What's all this, then?
I'm all right.
I'm just having a lie down.
Now, what's all this about the furniture money, then?
The what?
You know bloody well what, so don't give me all that.
The man was here.
Six weeks, it hasn't been paid.
And I slave my guts out for that money, my girl.
So do I.
Four pounds 10 a week to feed you, pay the rent and all the instalments, and buy everything for the baby... and another one on the way.
Yes, that's right.
Another one on the way.
Oh, we...
We can't have another kid yet.
Well, that's exactly what we're going to get.
Unless I do something about it.
Do something?
Do what?
Oh, never mind what.
She wants to go to bed now.
Do what?
!
Tim, there are things you can do.
Oh, no, you don't, my lady.
Well, it's my choice, isn't it?
Anyway, I've done it.
I've taken some pills.
What do you think I'm lying here for?
Well, you didn't even ask me!
You didn't even tell me!
Ask you! 
Do I have to ask your permission?
Yes, you bloody do!
And does she know about this?
Now, leave Alice out of this!
You knew about this, didn't you?
No.
Leave Alice alone.
She's staying here tonight to look after me.
Oh, no, she's not. 
I know her sort.
What's that meant to mean?
Never you mind. 
I've met your sort before. 
Don't you worry. 
Leading her along!
No!
[BABY CRYING]
Tim, now look what you've done!
Get out, and leave Alice alone.
I wouldn't touch her with a bloody barge pole!
Beryl, I think I better go.
No! 
He can sleep in the kitchen...
I'm not sleeping anywhere, so don't you fret. 
And I'm not coming back, so don't expect me.
Good!
Bloody old cow!
I'm not the sort of man who can make do with just one woman.
No? 
Go on.
No. 
It's in the family, see.
I mean, you take my brother.
He's paying out hundreds a year in alimony. 
Well, thousands.
Mind you, I'm fly. 
What do you think I got waiting for me when I get home?
The rent collector?
Rent collector. 
He's a bit of a humorist, isn't he, our Wally?
All tucked up nice and warm in bed with the wife.
That's what I said, the rent collector.
I'll bloody hit you in a minute!
Go it, Taffy.
No, there's two of them, see.
There's Beryl and this other little dark one, Alice.
Just lying there waiting for it, crying out for it.
Three in a bed, eh?
How about that?
You can have my old woman if you like.
That will make up the set.
Thanks very much, bub.
I'll take you up on that one day.
I've got enough to be going on with, ta.
Oh, well, if you're travelling around like me, you know, it's Brighton one day and Birmingham the next.
You usually manage to pick up a bit on the way.
That's not all you'll pick up if you go on like that.
Oh, no, no. 
These aren't scrubbers like you might get, man.
Oh, no. 
These is ladies.
Rich ladies. 
Well, you know, get bored. 
They're wanting a bit of fun.
Elegant but, uh... passionate.
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Come on, you. 
Out.
Tim?
Out!
Beryl wants me here.
She may need me here.
I don't bloody need you here, and it's my bed!
Don't wake her, Tim.
She's tired.
Well, I'm tired too.
I'm tired of having you around, so come on, you bloody get out!
[BABY CRYING]
And you just bloody leave us in peace!
And you get back in bed and keep out of it.
Just get on out of here!
ALICE:
Tim, just for the night.
She may not be well.
And whose fault is that, eh?
Tim, be quiet!
Go on, out! 
Hurry out!
Let go of Alice!
You take your hands off me.
BERYL:
Don't you touch me like that!
I have my bloody rights, haven't I?
!
Don't touch me!
What is it, Reg?
That's the Evanses again.
BERYL:
Get off, Tim!
Get off me!
Give that bloody here!
[SCREAMING]
TIMOTHY:
Take your hands off me!
[GLASS SHATTERING, BABY CRYING]
You bloody touch me again, I'm throwing her out!
Don't be so bloody silly!
It's my bloody house, isn't it! 
I've got rights in my own bloody house!
Now then, now then, now then.
What's all this about?
It's all her, Mr. Christie!
Calm down. 
You just calm down.
Well, it's just because I've got Alice staying here a night.
Staying the night?
In my bloody bed!
And I'm meant to stay on the bloody floor, in the bloody kitchen!
All right. 
All right.
There's no need for language.
This is an apartment for two persons.
That's quite clear in the lease.
What lease?
The statutory regulations.
Well, Alice is just staying with me because I'm not well.
Never mind about that.
I know the law. 
Now then.
You can't be guaranteed security of tenure if you're overcrowded.
That is a regulation.
That's right, my girl. 
You put your shoes on and go about your business.
Why should she?
It's all right, Beryl. 
I'll go.
Any more of this sort of behaviour, and out you go, both of you.
[BABY CRYING]
I just want a bit of peace, Mr. Christie.
All right, then.
Beryl.
Beryl, if you're not well, you shouldn't be larking around at this time of night.
You should see a doctor.
[YELLING AND CHATTERING]
BOY:
Come on.
Lovely day today, Mr. Christie, ain't it?
Very nice, yes.
BOY:
Come on!
Come on!
[DOG BARKING]
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Oh, hello, Beryl.
How are you today?
Oh, I'm fine, thank you, Mr. Christie.
Have you been to see the doctor yet?
The doctor?
Oh, uh... 
No.
Mm.
Well, won't you come in a minute? 
I've...
Well, I've got the...
I've just put the kettle on.
Oh.
Well, sit down, Beryl, do, in the... deck chair.
Well, now.
What is all this trouble between you and Tim?
And don't try and tell me there isn't any trouble.
No.
You're very young, you know.
Inexperienced.
And things which may seem... great problems to you may seem simpler to an older head, you know.
But it's just that I'm going to have a baby.
Yes, I see.
Tim, I suppose... is none too keen on this, uh... addition to the family.
No.
Well, I'm not either.
I took some pills yesterday.
Pills?
Yes. 
They didn't work though.
You see, Mr. Christie, Tim only gets 7 pounds a week.
Well... we can't afford another baby now.
No, I understand that.
I, uh...
I do know people, medical people, who could help you out.
But that would cost money, wouldn't it?
Yes. 
That's...
That's true.
Yes.
That's true, I'm afraid.
They are very eminent men, one particularly I have in mind.
I used to assist him in his earlier days.
Studied with him.
It's quite a simple matter.
You... 
You mean you know how to do it, Mr. Christie?
Oh, yes.
Oh, that's not a problem.
I've seen it done a hundred times.
Terminations, we call them.
Had to learn about that in the police.
Well, I suppose you couldn't...
Oh, I...
I know it's against the law and everything.
Oh, no, that's...
That's all right.
As long as nobody goes telling tales out at school. 
Sugar?
No, I wouldn't...
It's the moral question that concerns me.
I wouldn't tell a soul, Mr. Christie. 
Honestly.
The taking of life.
No matter how rudimentary.
Well, it's not, really.
I'd be ever so grateful, Mr. Christie.
[TRAIN PASSING IN DISTANCE]
All right, I will.
[STAMMERING]
It's such a weight off my mind.
Honestly, Mr. Christie.
Honestly.
Well...
W... 
When do you think you could...?
Well, do you think you could...?
Well, you have a word with Tim tonight.
Yes.
And, uh...
Perhaps we'll be able to fit you in tomorrow.
Yes.
[FACTORY WHISTLE BLOWING]
What you doing here, then, Beryl?
Now then, now then.
I thought we'd go to the pictures.
Oh, did you, then?
Yes.
Now, Mrs. Christie's looking after Geraldine.
And you and I are going to have a night out, okay?
Well, all right, then. 
Come on.
[BELL RINGS]
BERYL:
Oh, the bus!
[SINGING "I'LL TAKE YOU HOME AGAIN, KATHLEEN"]
Ta.
Here's how.
Did you like it? 
The film?
Oh, it was all right.
Didn't see too much of it.
I like Gregory Peck.
Ah, he's okay.
You know, you're a bit like him, to look at.
Good God, girl, you've hardly had one drink.
No, no, you are.
He's about 7-foot-3 for a start off.
I know. 
But just around the eyes, you look like him.
Mr. Christie was talking to me today.
What? 
About last night?
Oh, no. 
He was...
He was okay about that.
He, uh...
Well, he said he might be able to help us.
Huh?
About the baby, you know.
Oh?
What's he think he can do?
Well, he's had experience of things like that.
You mean... getting rid of it?
Termination, it's called.
Oh, I...
No, I don't know about that, Beryl.
No, no. 
I don't think he wants money or anything like that.
That's not what I mean.
Tim.
We can't have another kiddie now. 
You know we can't.
Well, I...
I know I could always get a... bigger job, pays more cash.
You know, I could go to night school. 
Get qualified in something.
What's he do, anyhow?
I don't know.
[SNIFFS]
[PIANO PLAYING]
Yeah.
All right, then.
Hey, mind the beer, girl.
[BABY GURGLING]
Tim.
Will you tell Mr. Christie it's all right when you go down the stairs?
I don't like it, Beryl.
Oh, Tim.
You can't go back on it now.
Okay, okay.
Mr. Christie?
Mr. Christie?
Oh, there you are, Mr. Christie.
Oh, Tim. 
Come in, come in.
Look, Mr. Christie, Beryl's been telling...
Shut the door, will you?
Do you mind?
Oh, no.
Tim...
I dislike this business as much as you do.
Well, I don't know, Mr...
It's just that I happen to have, uh, picked up this knowledge whilst I was in training as a doctor, before the war.
Oh, I didn't know you did all this medical stuff.
Oh, yes.
Yes, yes. 
Unfortunately, my training was interrupted by a motoring accident.
And, um... 
Then the war came and...
Well, that's most...
I was browsing through some of my, uh, medical texts before you came in, as a matter of fact.
Perhaps you'd like to, uh...
Um...
Yes, well, I... 
I don't know about all this stuff, see.
No. 
No, no.
But how do you, uh...?
I mean...
How do you actually do it?
Well, that's something only doctors and myself know about.
It has to be secret, you understand. 
I mean...
We couldn't have every Tom, Dick and Harry going around doing it, could we?
No, I understand that, but...
I won't conceal the dangers from you, mind.
The, um...
The, uh, stuff I use...
One in 10 might die from it.
Die?
Well, yes, that's an acceptable medical risk. 
That's understood.
Mind you, they probably use too strong a dose.
If only you and, uh...
Beryl had come to me earlier, I could've done it without any risk at all.
L...
Oh, I don't know.
I don't know, Mr. Christie.
Well, Tim... if you haven't got complete confidence in my ability...
No, no, I...
I trust you, Mr. Christie.
Of course I do.
All right, then.
Good lad.
Right, well, you... cut along to work, otherwise you'll be late.
And, uh, Tim, remember... we've never lost a father yet.
No?
Well...
Thank you, Mr. Christie.
[GLASSES CLINKING]
Ethel?
Ethel.
Hm?
Ethel, I want you to go to the office for me, will you?
See Mr. Steadman.
Tell him my back's been playing me up, and I shan't be in today.
Oh, Reg, are you going to the doctor?
No. 
No, I'll be all right.
I'll phone from the corner.
No, you'd better go.
They'll want these bills of lading and invoices right away.
Go and get your coat on.
All right.
[###]
[BREATHING UNEVENLY]
I'm ready, Reg.
Tell him I ought to be better tomorrow.
All right.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[RINGING CONTINUES]
Yes, what is it?
Mr. Christie?
Yes.
Ah. 
Builders.
"Repair roof to outhouse, re-plaster where necessary and make good."
Now? 
It's not convenient.
You are Mr. Christie?
You complained to the landlord about this outhouse.
Well, I... 
I need to be informed in advance.
But look, mate, I just take my orders from the owners.
It is just the, uh, the washhouse, is it?
Just the outbuildings.
Yeah.
Yes, well, you better come through.
Now...
Thank you very much.
I was just having a cup of tea.
Oh.
It's, uh... back up here, on the right.
This is it.
The washhouse.
Right.
All this lot will have to come down, for a start.
How long will it take?
Oh, shouldn't take more than a couple of days.
[THUNK]
Be careful.
Do you mind?
Yeah, mind the paintwork, mate.
And the priceless antiques.
BERYL:
Mr. Christie?
Are you...?
[WHISPERS] I've got the builders in.
Well, it doesn't matter.
[FOOTSTEPS CLIMBING STAIRS]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[DISTANT SAWING]
Ahem.
Oh.
Here we are, then.
Brought you a little cup of tea.
Oh. 
Thank you.
What are they doing, the builders?
Oh, they... 
They won't disturb us.
Baby asleep, is she?
Oh, yes, she's in the other room.
Right, well, we can manage in here then.
Just drink your tea and relax.
Is it going to hurt?
Just a little twinge, but we can help that.
Open the window for me 6 inches, will you? 
And... perhaps you'd better pull down the blind.
Fast asleep.
Right.
Just pass me my bag, will you?
Ta.
Oh, what's that for?
Just a whiff of gas.
Gas?
Like at the dentist's.
Take away those little twinges.
But that's poisonous, isn't it?
Oh, now.
Not the way we use it.
Something we had to learn during the war for bomb victims that needed urgent surgery.
It's a chemically compounded filter, you see.
The liquid.
Takes out the carbon monoxide, or CO-2... as we call it.
There.
Right.
Right. 
I'll just get scrubbed up.
There isn't any cutting, is there?
Oh, no, no.
No, no.
Ta.
I'm ever so nervous, Mr. Christie.
Oh, there's no need to be, no need at all.
Do you, um, have, uh... undergarments on?
Yes.
Well, just slip them off, will you?
Oh...
Should I take my dress off?
No, no, just the, um...
And then lie down on the quilt.
Right down?
Yes, just lie down and relax.
You ready?
Yes.
That's a good girl.
Now, just a little whiff of the gas.
You've, uh, had gas before at the dentist, have you?
Well, you know what it feels like, then.
You'll feel just a little bit dizzy, I expect.
Right.
Now, breathe deeply.
Breathe... 
Just relax, breathe deeply, close your eyes.
Olose your eyes, that's a good girl.
That's a good girl.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe, Beryl.
That's it.
[BREATHING UNEVENLY]
That's it.
[MUFFLED GASPING]
No. 
No. 
No, no, no, no. 
Quiet! 
Quiet!
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
Be quiet! 
Be...
Be quiet! 
Quiet!
No, I don't want to!
Please! 
Please!
Don't make me hurt you!
No! 
No!
No!
Please!
Oh, Beryl.
Oh... 
Beryl.
Oh, Beryl.
Oh, Beryl.
[KISSING]
[PANTING]
[WHISTLING]
Howdy dowdie do?
Hey, come on, come on.
Beryl!
[TRIES HANDLE]
Beryl?
[HANDLE TURNING]
Beryl?
[HANDLE TURNING]
If you don't want to see me, you've only got to say so.
[HANDLE TURNING]
Beryl?
[###]
[BABY CRYING]
Mummy.
Mummy.
[CRYING]
Oh, hello, Mr. Christie.
It's bad news, Tim.
It didn't work.
[SNIFFS]
Oh.
Well, where's Beryl then?
She's upstairs on the bed.
Oh, Tim.
Lying down.
Go on up.
I'll come up with you.
Beryl?
What...?
She's got blood all down her chin.
That's the concussion, I'm afraid. 
She would struggle, you see.
Concussed her head against the bed head.
It's got sharp corners, that bed head.
Beryl?
She's not alive.
I told you it was bad.
But you... 
You never said...
One out of 10 die of it. 
I told you that.
Oh, Christ.
I'm sorry, Tim.
These things happen, though.
She should have approached me earlier.
Oh, God.
And she was only young.
Yes, it's a terrible thing.
But she'd have had to be in hospital by now, anyway.
Doctors couldn't have helped her even.
Her tummy was septic poisoned.
All those pills she'd been dosing herself up with.
Oh, God. 
Oh, God.
[BABY CRYING]
Those damn pills!
Don't... 
Don't wake the baby, Tim.
What am I going to do?
Come with me, come on.
Come on.
Sit down.
But you'll get the doctor?
Doctors can't do much now, I'm afraid, Tim.
Well, we gotta do something.
The police or something.
Yes, you may be right.
Well, that's what I think anyhow.
It'll be criminal manslaughter for me, of course.
Oh, God, I don't want to get you into trouble, Mr. Christie.
No, I'm not just thinking about me so much.
I'm not the only one involved.
You knew all about it, didn't you?
Well, of course I knew about it.
Well, don't get huffy with me, my lad.
You knew about it, that's the point.
You're an accessory before the act.
Well, I done nothing.
Oh, God, I done nothing.
But you knew about it, Tim.
You consented.
That's all they'll want to know.
All right, all right, then, I'll...
I'll not tell them nothing.
I'll just say I don't know nothing and just keep clammed up.
[BABY CRYING]
You'd better go and see to the baby, you can't leave her crying like that.
Poor old Tim, eh?
I could get you out of this, if only you didn't keep talking so silly.
I just don't know what to do.
Well, we could keep quiet about it, couldn't we?
She's just lying there.
Well, there are ways of... disposing of bodies.
What? 
Not be buried, you mean?
No proper service?
What good would a proper service do?
Well, she'd want it, that's what.
And me too, I want... 
I want it.
You want it?
She'd want it?
You want to be hung?
Is that what you want?
You better see to the baby's supper. 
She'll be crying for it in a minute.
They don't hang you for manslaughter, anyhow.
No.
They do for murder, though.
They'll just think you killed her in one of those fights of yours.
She's got that knock on the head.
The whole street knows about the fights you have all the time.
The police know, even.
What do you mean? 
I didn't...
I mean, you start going to the police or whatever, and I'm going to have to deny I had anything to do with it.
Oh, they'll know.
They'll know from the operation you did.
Oh, no, my lad.
There are no visible signs, not the way I do it.
All right, then. 
All right, I'll tell them and then they'll know.
Who do you think they'll believe, Tim?
Everyone around here knows the stories you come out with about your father being an Italian count and everything.
Oh, it's just storyfying, everyone knows that.
Anyhow, he was an Italian, my father.
Well, he may not have been a count, I don't know about that.
An Italian named Evans?
That's just a name he used so as people wouldn't know who he was.
Well, he was in this secret business, see? 
Well, that's why we were so rich.
He had all his money in shares and everything.
Only he lost it, because he was killed in the war.
So who are the police going to believe, eh?
You?
Or me, that was a special constable for four years?
Well, me, of course! 
Me.
All right, then, Tim.
Well, you go to the police and tell them. 
Go on.
Off you go.
All right, I will too.
Well, they'll have to believe the truth.
Well, go on then, if you're going.
Well, I can't go now, can I?
I've got the baby to feed and everything.
I'll do that. 
I'll do that for you while you're gone.
Well, you tell me.
Tell me what to do and then I won't go.
No, no, you've got to do what you think's right.
Well, let's just shut the door and talk, eh?
All right.
You're gonna be guided by me, hm?
Yes, okay, Mr. Christie.
Right. 
Sit down.
Now, first of all, there's Beryl.
I'll look after that.
I'll, uh...
I'll dispose of her.
I'll wait till I get a chance.
You know the, uh... the big manhole cover by the front door?
Lay her to rest there.
Oh. 
Oh, God.
This is no time for you to break down.
Yes, I know, I know, I'm sorry.
It'd look better if you went away for a bit. 
Right away, tonight, out of London.
I don't...
Listen to me.
Then I could tell people that you and Beryl had gone away together.
And what about the baby?
Geraldine?
Oh, she'll be all right.
It's very lucky, as a matter of fact.
There's a young couple over at Acton I know who'll look after her for you.
East Acton, to be precise.
They can't have any of their own, so it's handy, really.
So you just, uh, leave all her things packed up, and I'll get them to come over and collect her in the morning.
But I'll be able to have her back, won't I?
I mean, when...
When all this has blown over?
Oh, yes, yes.
Yes, I daresay.
Right, then, you get the baby fed.
Oh, God, Mr. Christie.
And she was only young.
If she'd come to me earlier...
[RUSTLING AND THUDDING]
[CHRISTIE PANTING]
Come and give me a hand.
Grab her, grab her legs.
Let her down, let her down.
We'll put her in Kitchener's place.
The old man's in hospital.
He won't be back for days.
She'll be all right in there for tonight.
Take this.
What's this?
Wedding ring.
Sell it.
It'll make her less easy to identify, if they do ever find her.
Oh...
Now, you get packed, and then get a night train anywhere, and I'll get those people over from East Acton first thing in the morning for the baby.
[BABY CRYING]
You'd better go and finish feeding her.
Yes, Mr. Christie.
[CRYING CONTINUES]
Go on, go on.
[FLOORBOARDS CREAKING]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[BABY CRYING]
[CRYING CONTINUES]
[TRAIN ENGINE CHUGGING]
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]
[CLOCK CHIMING]
Hello, Auntie Vi.
Tim.
Well, what are you doing down here?
Come in, come in.
It's Tim.
Tim, boy. 
What are you doing in this neck of the woods?
Sit down, Tim, take your coat off.
Well, me and the boss is, uh, touring round, trying to find new branches, only the car broke down in Cardiff.
There's tea. 
Fresh brewed, Tim.
You still like egg and fried bread?
Oh, smashing.
Uh, it'll be a few days, the car.
The big end's gone, they said.
How's Beryl?
We can put you up on the settee in the back room if you like.
Thanks, Auntie.
How's Beryl and the baby?
Oh, fine, fine.
They've gone to Brighton for a bit to stay with Beryl's father.
I've just been upstairs.
He's gone.
Tim?
Packed up and left.
His clothes and everything.
Scarpered.
And that's not the worst part.
What's the matter, Reg?
You know what he's gone and done?
What?
He's killed the baby.
I don't believe it.
I'm telling you, strangled, if you must know, with his tie.
He'd never do that.
Never mind what he'd never do.
It's what he's done.
He worshipped that child.
When I think of all the things...
Reg, what are we going to do?
Nothing.
[THUDDING]
[DOG BARKING]
[GRUNTING]
Hey, see what I bought Geraldine in Cardiff.
Did you go into the garage about the car?
Oh, yes, yes, they say it'll be a bit.
They'll let me know.
There.
Woolworth's, I got it.
Oh, it's lovely, Tim.
Tim, your uncle and I wrote a letter to Mr. Thorley on Monday.
Thorley?
Beryl's father.
What do you want to write to him for?
We got a telegram this morning.
He said he hasn't seen Beryl and the baby since the summer.
What do you want to go poking around for?
But where is she, Tim?
What's happened?
I don't want to talk about it.
And none of your business anyhow!
She's...
She's gone off.
Gone off?
With some fellow.
I don't know, do I?
In a car.
But what about little Geraldine?
Look, just stop asking questions at me, will you?
Now, then, Tim...
Don't you "now, then" me.
She's gone off with some rich fellow, and that's all there is about it.
Oh, Tim, we're only...
Never mind that!
She's not that sort of a girl, Tim.
Well, I'm going out.
I'm bloody going out!
[TRAIN ENGINE CHUGGING IN DISTANCE]
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]
Yeah, I think that's the number.
Yeah, that's okay.
There's the record card.
Ta.
I...
Yes, sir?
Is there an inspector or sergeant or somebody here?
There's nobody available at the moment, sir.
Can I help you?
I'd like to have a bit of a chat with you, alone, like.
All right.
Excuse me, sir.
Well, now.
I want to give myself up.
I've disposed of my wife.
Now, wait a minute.
Do you realize what you're saying?
Oh, I know what I'm saying.
I can't sleep for it.
I want to get it off my chest.
She was expecting, see.
And we have one already.
Anyhow, I met this fellow in Ipswich.
He just come up to me in a café and give me this bottle of stuff.
Well, I told her not to take it, but she said she was going to anyhow.
So I come home from work, and there she is, dead.
She had the empty bottle beside her.
And I didn't know what to do, so I got...
I didn't know what to do, so at 2 in the morning, I got her downstairs, and I opened the drain outside the front door, and I put her body down the drain.
And then I come down here.
Do you want to make a statement, in writing?
The doctors had some hand in it.
I took the week off to see her through.
You just wanted to put your feet up and smoke those awful cigars.
And when she's up to it, we'll try again.
We do appreciate your good wishes, though.
Are we gonna spend the whole day out here?
Lead on, Mother.
Ready, boys?
Women's health class.
St. Theresa's Hospital.
Free to all.
Women's health class.
St. Theresa's Hospital.
You get a cut of the card game, a cut of the fence, a cut of the booze.
What's to give?
It's a sideline.
"We." "We."
Have a look around.
There's just you and me.
I have partners.
No.
With your partners.
Gonna look very cheap.
Mr. Doyle.
Why am I talking to you?
'Cause you called me.
- But why am I calling you?
- Uh...
Why is that even occurring?
If I had my liquor on the timely basis your employer promised, if, in fact, I could reach your employer, who now seems to think acceptable business practice to disappear for days on end, this conversation would not be taking place.
And that would make me... very happy.
Yeah, I understand.
- Listen, Mr. Rothstein.
- I want what I paid for.
- I want it now.
- Okay, sir.
And I don't ever want to find myself chatting with you again.
- Of course.
- Is that clear?
You'll have it by tomorrow morning.
That Rothstein, warm as a lizard.
- What did he say?
That he's expecting his delivery.
And what did you tell him?
That it's coming.
What do you think?
What do I think?
That you're a fucking idiot.
Watch your step, Eli.
I'm your boss.
Nucky explicitly said to avoid Tabor Heights.
I heard. 
There's no way to use the back roads.
Not till May at the earliest.
So hold off making the delivery.
And get your brother's foot up my ass? 
No, thanks.
I'm telling you not to do this, Mickey.
I'm not doing nothing.
They are.
You're straight through to New York.
Gas up in Tabor Heights and that's it.
You stop for nobody.
Not even the law.
Tonight is my night.
Hey.
- He's got a gun.
Easy!
Stop!
Oh!
You want to pick on people who can't defend themselves?
Huh?
Pay for his funeral.
What are they saying?
I think they're wrapping it up.
They're gone.
Nearly shit your breeches there, didn't you, son?
Heck, I wasn't scared.
I was.
Okay, I was, too.
There'll not be a peep from me.
He always this much fun?
You should hear him on the phone sometime.
- Canoodling with his girlfriend.
Well, I got bacon and eggs in the icebox.
I can fry 'em up if anyone's hungry.
Maybe they left a bottle upstairs.
Here we are.
Come on.
Hey, fellas.
Ready to make some dough?
Don't make a move until Gyp says so.
You're gonna help us block the road.
First shot, then you move.
Just keep the road blocked.
- Don't be yellow now.
- Down in the shadows.
Rothstein's shipment is on its way.
By which route?
Tabor Heights.
Word came back it's clear.
Did anyone wonder where we were for the last 24 hours?
If they did, they were quiet about it.
Well?
You see this?
See what?
There's nothing here.
That's my point.
We've both got empty hands.
What's that say to you?
Find a better hideout?
Mr. Thompson, you got to admit I'm pretty good at this.
I wouldn't go boasting about it.
Yeah, and I could say I'd never do it again, but you wouldn't believe me, would you?
Probably not.
So... so how's about I come work for you?
How would that go, Rowland?
Well... put me behind the wheel, box of shotgun shells, just let them try stealing then.
He doesn't like me.
Can you blame him?
Ain't I cool in a tight spot?
You'll do.
I know all the roads around here.
Best places to lie low.
Best places to keep your stash.
They won't ever catch me.
We caught you, Rowland.
Okay, but it wasn't easy.
And Waxey Gordon, he ain't nearly as smart as you.
You could take as much of his booze as you'd like.
It's apples off a tree.
Just tell me what you want to do.
You've sure got a lot of moxie.
How else are you supposed to get ahead?
I thought you didn't smoke.
Did I say that?
- How old are you really?
- 19.
So legally I'm allowed to drive.
Isn't that better?
Have one of mine.
- Mr. Kessler.
- Who's Mr. Kessler?
He's Mr. Thompson's driver.
I thought you were letting him go.
Why would you think that?
I misunderstood.
As long as you understand now.
Stop!
- Is that Eli?
- Looks like it.
Fuck that.
Mickey said don't stop for nobody.
- Stop!
Stop!
It's an ambush!
Wait!
Wait!
Stop!
Stop!
It's an ambush!
It's a fucking ambush!
It's a fucking ambush!
Come on.
Oh, right there.
Right under his coat.
Look at this.
You want that?
Where we dumping these?
Boss says dig a pit in the woods.
That'll take all night.
Get the podunks to do it.
Jeez, this one crapped his pants.
I need a wallet.
Which one of them waitresses do you think is cuter?
The little one with the bobbed hair.
I'm gonna fuck the redhead.
Hey. 
Hey.
Shh.
Look.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Here we go.
Come on.
♪ Nights are long ♪
♪ Since you went away ♪
♪ I think about ♪
♪ You all through the day ♪
♪ My buddy ♪
♪ My buddy ♪
♪ Nobody quite so true ♪
♪ Life is a book that we study ♪
♪ Some of its leaves bring a sigh... ♪
Nucky.
♪ There it was written, my buddy ♪
♪ That we must part, you and I ♪
♪ Buddies through all of the gray days ♪
♪ Buddies when something went wrong... ♪
I have to talk to you.
We've had our conversation.
This is about something else.
And you're gonna need to hear it.
♪ Miss your voice ♪
♪ The touch of your hand ♪
♪ Just long to know ♪
♪ That you understand ♪
♪ My buddy ♪
♪ My buddy ♪
♪ Your buddy misses you. ♪
Good night.
♪ Life is a book that we study ♪
♪ Some of its leaves bring a sigh ♪
♪ There it was written, my buddy ♪
♪ That we must part, you and I ♪
♪ Nights are long ♪
♪ Since you went away ♪
♪ I think about you ♪
♪ All through the day, my buddy ♪
♪ My buddy ♪
♪ Nobody quite so true ♪
♪ Your buddy ♪
♪ Misses you. ♪

Man: 
Ladies and gentlemen, Tom Kane!
- ( Gunshots ) 
- Man ♪2: 
Shots fired! 
Get me an ambulance now!
- ( Sirens blaring ) 
- Ron: 
At 4:38 this afternoon, an assassination attempt was made, and Chicago Police Department is pursuing any and all leads as we speak.
- You need to do something!
- What kind of man sends his own daughter to jail?
Don't you fuckin' dare to judge my actions.
Ian: 
If you wanna get back at him or make him pay in any way, you can't do it from the bottom of a glue tube in county jail.
Rick: 
Kane explicitly forbade you from speaking to press.
This is a gift from the gods.
We'd be crazy not to squeeze it for all it's worth.
Seems that Dr. Harris didn't disappear after all.
What?
Am I imagining things or did you call me two weeks ago from Arizona?
- I was on sabbatical.
- Sabbatical or exile, Dr. Harris?
The Lennox Gardens vote is on.
Would a promissory note towards your reelection campaign help our cause here?
Mona: 
What in God's name happened to you?
You're not standing here but for my generosity.
We can talk off the record, I hope?
Do you know anything about Kane seeing a Dr. Ella Harris?
I don't understand.
Are you saying he's sick?
Muscle rigidity, whole-body tremors... it's progressing.
- Tom: 
Hallucinations have been minimal.
- Boss?
Dr. Harris:
Mr. Mayor, you have to know your best days are behind you.
Mayor Kane cannot have such unchecked power.
( Chamber murmuring )
I thought I taught you a lesson.
Change... whether we have the wherewithal to make it.
For on my watch at Lennox Gardens, mistakes were made.
Motion to vote.
There's a community there, not just a record of administrative blunders.
It won't go away with an architectural face-lift.
I wanna make sure this project turns out right.
- Perhaps you should come work for me.
- What?
- Tom?
- Who let him in to see my wife before I do?
Ian: 
I spoke with the warden and parole board about the possibility of house arrest for Emma.
They seemed willing to consider it in light of family circumstance.
Doctor: 
The ballistic trauma caused a severe pulmonary laceration.
- Did...
- What?
Did you do this to me?
( Theme music playing )
Boss 2x03: "Ablution" Original air date on August 31, 2012
♪ Satan, your kingdom must come down ♪
♪ Satan, your kingdom must come down ♪
♪ I heard the voice of Jesus Christ ♪
♪ Satan, your kingdom must come down. ♪
( Vocalizing )
( Footsteps approaching )
( Organ music playing )
Priest: 
Have mercy on me, God, in Your kindness.
In Your compassion, blot out my offense.
O wash me more and more from my guilt and cleanse me from my sin.
My offenses truly I know them;
My sin is always before me.
O see, in guilt I was born, a sinner I was conceived.
Morning, sir.
A fucking nightmare, this thing.
Hopefully you won't have to wear it much longer.
- How's Mrs. Kane feeling?
- Improved.
- Budget projections.
- On your desk.
- My daughter?
- The sheriff will drop her off at 7:00.
I've cleared your evening.
She's been authorized for visits to her NA meetings and I've emailed you the contact information of her parole officer Dave Hoffman.
I thought you might like to speak with him personally.
He'll be in charge of her monthly tests.
When can I expect to hear from the Superintendent of Police?
- Man: 
Morning, Mr. Mayor.
- It appears the Cook County State's Attorney will be point on the shooting investigation, given its high profile.
Doyle.
When's he coming?
He said he's available later this afternoon, but would prefer to meet at his office.
( Chuckles )
Here.
( Laughing ) 10 minutes.
Doyle:
"You're a disease.
If I see you on the street, I will fuck you up.
I will fuck your daughter.
I will fuck your wife."
So you have reason to believe that she might have been the target?
Not yet, no.
It's possible, though.
"You're a parasite of lies and I am your worst enemy."
Hundreds of these.
And all have been dealt with by the proper authorities.
So unless you're telling me that you have proof that one of those troglodytes shot my wife,
I implore you to get to your point, Jeff.
My point, Tom, is that you're not exactly short on enemies.
There was a time, was there not, when I could count you among them?
You were cleared.
I repent.
I've moved on.
Have you?
The ultimate objective here isn't merely prosecution, it's conviction.
Whoever did this cannot, on my watch, get off on a technicality.
- Time must be taken...
- My wife nearly died.
And while she relearns how to breathe,
I'm a prisoner in my own home, shuttled to work every day by armed guards, strapped into a vise every time I wanna step outside, and you have the gall to sit there, reciting the ramblings of the deranged.
Why hasn't the shooter been found?
Lack of physical evidence at the scene and the inordinate number of people who hate you personally or hate what you do politically.
We're exploring all we can as quickly as we can.
That said, if there is anything that could have bearing... moves you've made, conflicts, entanglements... it would help to hear them.
Conflicts, entanglements, moves... you've just described my job.
And in 20 years, no one's ever shot at me for it.
Well, now someone has.
( Heart monitor beeping )
( Gasping )
( Crying )
God damn it.
I don't anticipate any hardball questions coming to you, but if they do...
I pivot back to you...
strength, character, courage.
Relax, Ben.
We've been here before.
- This is national.
- It's still a camera.
You think the kids are up for this?
They're the whole reason we're doing it here.
Do we really need to go over all this again?
No.
You look beautiful.
Treasurer, Mrs. Zajac.
I'm Sandra Klein.
- Sandra. 
Ben, please.
- Maggie.
- I love that suit.
- Thank you.
You look great.
You feeling okay?
I hope this hasn't been too disruptive.
Well, I admit I was a little resistant to having my home taken over, but it's been pretty painless.
I'm glad to hear it.
So, we'll start with the two of you,
- then cut and bring in the kids.
- Sounds good.
Maggie, can you talk about what you were feeling in the moments surrounding the shooting?
You can't really put it into words, the feelings.
It all happened so quickly.
I heard a crack.
Mrs. Kane fell, and then Ben was on top of me.
Sandra: 
Did he say anything?
Do you remember?
( Voice breaks ) "You're safe."
"You're safe."
- Sorry.
- Sandra: 
Don't be sorry.
- Do you need a minute?
- No.
( Chatter )
( Car horn blaring )
- Feels light.
- Shit's slow.
Sounds like a personal problem.
Yeah, well, we all got problems.
Them Radiohead, beanie-wearing motherfuckers get to rolling...
Is that right?
What I hear...
the mayor got plans.
Look at you.
Young nigga get himself a suit, reads the paper, and suddenly he's wise to how shit works.
All I'm saying is if you think your cut light now...
Son, your time will come.
Meanwhile, don't go trying to get in shit that ain't your domain.
You know what I mean?
( Car engine starts )
Darius: 
Hey, T.
- Hey, let's see if this...
- T.
Damn, coz.
Hey, man, I need a place to crash, man.
You need a motherfuckin' bath.
- Bad.
- Yeah, that, too.
What about your girl?
- What about her?
- She out.
She didn't call you?
Pssh.
I mean, you know, she not exactly reachable.
Man, man...
but listen, man, you gonna help me or not, man?
What the fuck you done got yourself into now?
I just need a place to crash.
That's all, man.
- And this is with, what, 20% Section Eight?
- ( TV playing )
- 15.
- We need to look at upping subsidized housing to 25%.
- If we tie it to a work requirement...
- That's not viable.
25 triggers additional funding from HUD.
That coupled with additional cost-cutting measures...
Ian: 
The number McGantry came in with is reasonable.
And that conclusion's based on?
This report from the Community Development Commission and this one here from City Planning.
Sir, there's no reason not to move ahead with the proposal as is.
"Nothing is irreparable except a willing capitulation to the status quo."
Your words, sir.
And this is exactly that.
Now, if you wanna go that way, fine, but then I can't see any reason for me to be here.
Your alternative?
Open up the project to competitive bids.
Make it clear to the usual suspects there will be no skim, no graft, no ghost hires, then use the savings to better the community... a health clinic, a technology center.
There's no tax revenue in a health clinic.
And what's the point in rehabbing the place if it's just gonna stay a ghetto for poor people?
These sorts of projects raise people out of poverty, which broadens the tax base.
Competitive bidding is a declaration of war against McGantry, who just happens to be the single largest contributor to the mayor's PAC.
And those usual suspects?
They're the same people pulling votes for us on election day.
You think they do that out of the goodness of their hearts?
Thanks for that.
Maybe when we're through here, you can explain how to play Tic-tac-toe.
Sir, displacing the residents of Lennox Gardens will affect your support in the African-American community across the board.
And votes aside, the city's budget has been running at a deficit for near a decade now because of projects like this one.
Something has to give.
I'm not suggesting that we open all projects citywide to this process.
I'm talking about one project, doing this one thing differently.
And if it works, maybe you've got a new way forward.
( TV continues )
- ( Volume increases ) 
- Sandra: 
Do you remember what ran through your mind in the moment you heard the shots?
I can't say there was much thought involved.
It was a gut instinct, really, to protect my wife.
- ( TV turns off ) - ( Remote clatters )
Is there some misunderstanding about this campaign?
Some belief that it actually bears autonomy?
- No, sir.
- Good.
I'll talk with McGantry about cutting costs.
In the meantime, bump up Section Eight to 25%, see what that gets us.
Yes, sir.
Hey.
Hey.
You look good, relaxed.
So, look, I'm...
I have a lot that I need to apologize for, and I'm grateful you're giving me a chance to...
What do you want, Ben?
I want you back.
Rick knows the drill.
You'll be fine.
I fired him.
The guy's got his head up his ass.
No idea how to run a competitive race.
- Have you been watching the numbers?
- No.
Mm.
Walsh is making a play for Cook County.
Twice as many events in town in the last few weeks than the whole of her last run.
She's within five.
I'm out of the game.
You're quitting?
Everything?
I don't believe you.
Believe what you want.
Yeah, there's no way you'd walk away.
It's who you are.
How are your kids?
They're fine.
They're great, actually.
Come on.
You can't tell me you don't miss it.
Don't call me again.
It's been awfully quiet without you at home.
It'll be nice to have some life in the house again.
How was the meeting with Doyle?
No need to concern yourself about that.
Just focus on getting better.
Any idea who the shooter is?
No, not really.
It's not likely that you were the target.
You're safe here.
- And you?
- Just a precaution.
They've stepped up my security.
No need to worry about me.
- How can I not?
- I'm fine.
Emma's coming home tonight.
I've arranged for house arrest.
- ( Grunts ) 
- Putting her in her old room.
When was this decision made?
You'll need help when you return.
She can provide that for you.
Giving her an opportunity to contribute to the family could be a good thing for all of us.
I'd suggest you temper your expectations, Tom... about everything.
Emma...
Thank you.
( Door slams )
( Rummaging, thudding )
- Emma, I've got your...
- ( Glass shatters )
( Sighs )
Well, somebody has to have an in at Doyle's office.
- Yeah?
- I need your okay.
- What?
- Garfield Ridge community meeting on the Lennox Gardens relocation.
Yeah?
This my only option?
No, but that's the best one.
- ( Knocking at door ) 
- Yeah.
CPD released the file on Ezra Stone's murder.
- Well, it's about damn time.
- Man: 
Can I get a yea or nay on this before you fall down the rabbit hole again?
Yeah. 
Sorry.
Wait, hold on.
Is this even the same meeting?
- Same neighborhood.
- Oh, you're killing me.
- Go with Driscoll.
- You sure don't like selling newspapers, do you?
Fine. 
Fuck.
Use the screamer.
- Get out.
- Forced entry.
Place was ransacked, showed signs of a struggle.
Shocker of all shockers... looks like it's a botched burglary.
( TV playing )
( Changing channels )
( TV turns off )
( Distant chatter, car horn honking )
Honey?
I answered your phone by mistake.
- Sorry about that.
- Who is it?
She wouldn't say.
She has an accent, though.
This is Kitty.
How's our girl?
On her feet.
She'll be home soon.
I miss our meals together.
I'd like you to take a look at the numbers on the Lennox Gardens project.
Your proposal.
Why don't we get right down to it, then?
It's a little higher than it needs to be right now.
I wasn't aware it differed that greatly from any previous proposal we've ever submitted to your office.
Which is the problem.
We hire the subcontractors you tell us to.
Maybe you should take this up with them.
I will.
But let's not pretend that your costs aren't inflated as well.
Wouldn't dream of it.
Listen, I'm sure we can find an acceptable compromise.
Say, instead of cost plus 50, maybe cost plus 20?
You know, I've always admired your ability to separate the business from the personal.
This isn't.
Well, I'm glad to hear that.
It would be unfortunate if our symbiosis were threatened by petty matters, no?
Unfortunate indeed.
Excuse me for a minute.
Sir, I don't mean to bother you.
I just wanted to say we're real happy that Mrs. Kane is going to be all right.
We were all praying for her.
Thank you.
That's very kind.
I'd shake your hand if... but...
- Right.
- Good luck to you.
You, too.
Did you get it out?
Look, I'd rather it not come to this, but if you're unwilling to work with me,
I can open up the process to competitive bids.
So, this is about the reelect?
It's about a new approach to a unique case.
It's a run-down housing project, Tom.
I hope this isn't some posttraumatic search for absolution.
The riots in the Gardens were a tragedy, but they were 20 years ago.
I need a lower number.
I'll have my guys take a look at it, see if they can work something out.
( Bell dings )
( Button clicks )
( Bell dings )
You know the Gardens aren't coming down without a fight.
It's gonna get ugly.
Too many people got too much to lose.
But you know all about that, don't you?
You know what I know?
You and Kane are cut from the same cloth.
Only real difference... you're powerless to get a damn thing done.
( Bell dings )
( Crying )
Pssh.
Darlene!
Come get this damn kid.
All right, coz.
Here you have it.
Welcome home.
Yeah, you're welcome.
She's all yours.
Lock up.
Sir.
How was lunch?
Sorry?
Competitive bids.
How long will it take?
Ian on computer: 
I can pull together a list of development firms,
- start making some phone calls.
- Mona: 
I got it.
Too much work for one person.
Might as well divide and conquer.
- I said I've got it.
- Look, I can be an asset here.
I spent two years with Ted Schachter before Driscoll's office.
I've seen your resume.
If I'm being kind, it seemed embellished.
And speaking of Driscoll, she's all over my call sheet and the mayor's.
If you're not gonna sack up and tell her yourself, I'll have to.
Please excuse me.
Gwendie:
Miss O'Neil.
- ( Door closes ) 
- Sorry about the logistics of the meet.
- You know how the trail can be.
- Not a problem.
- Kitty, thank you so much for taking the time.
- Senator.
- Anything else you need, ma'am?
- No, thank you, Gwendie.
Have a seat.
( Sighs )
So, she's headed back to Springfield to manage my Senate seat, and I need some heavy hitters out here on the trail.
Okay, just to be clear with you,
I'm not interested in providing oppo research for you or anyone else.
I don't know what happened with Kane, and I don't care.
Your past has no bearing here.
Right, but my crossing the aisle would be political suicide.
Let's be frank.
Social issues aside, it's pretty much a race to the middle these days.
I'm confident any ideological concerns you may have can be worked out to our mutual satisfaction, because unlike most men I know, I'm open to new ideas.
You just need a fresh start, Kitty.
I'm offering you parity.
This is a team, not a fiefdom.
You'd be a partner, not a servant.
Just tell me you'll consider it.
He had his checkup.
The doctor's waiting for you.
Thanks.
Take a deep breath.
( Breathing deeply )
How've you been feeling?
Well, considering.
Any physical symptoms?
Tremors?
Muscle rigidity?
Not since that night at the hospital.
When you skipped a dose?
Yeah.
Well, that's good news.
Stress tends to exacerbate the symptoms, but I'm glad to know we're keeping them at bay at this dosage level.
- And what about your personality?
- ( Slurping )
Any shifts?
Usually I'd speak to family members about this, but under the circumstances...
Yeah, hardly the proper time to gauge that particular symptom, don't you think?
- Still.
- ( Slurping )
Same old prick I've always been.
Any hallucinations?
As a matter of fact...
- You're having one now?
- ( Slurping )
Pardon?
Auditory or visual?
( Slurping )
Both.
Do you feel they're hindering your ability to function?
Tell her the truth, Tom.
You're losing your damn mind.
Nothing I can't handle.
Ian: 
I'm not here to make your life difficult.
- Yeah? 
Then why are you here?
- Mayor Kane has concerns.
- I'm here to express them.
- Yeah, and you've done that.
So what now?
I'm supposed to clear every word through you?
You are.
( Scoffs ) This is insane.
I'm not sure how things worked with my predecessor, but my voice is the voice of the mayor.
- Wow.
- I'm sure we can come to some sort of compromise.
There's none to be had.
The mayor's support is contingent on this new protocol.
What does he expect?
I've been iced out since the primary.
Then we get traction and you waltz in here with your fucking protocol?
I have a race to win.
I don't have time for this shit.
Kane's gotta make up his damn mind... in or out.
This after-the-fact bullshit...
this isn't gonna fly.
I think what Ben means to say is that we are grateful for the mayor's support.
Whatever we can do to further his agenda, we are happy to do.
Ben spent a fair amount of time at the Housing Authority.
- Maybe he can be useful...
- I'm sorry.
I'm not clear what you have to do with any of this.
She's my campaign manager, and you're gonna deal with her from now on.
If you'll excuse us.
Apologies.
I wasn't aware.
None necessary.
- Ian: 
We'll be in touch.
- Mm-hmm.
Are you sure?
You don't want the job?
Fuck, it's us against the world.
We might as well make it official, right?
I'm gonna tuck the kids in.
You've got fund-raising calls to make.
Mona:
This is the most promising...
Young and Mortensen.
In addition to all the requirements, they've included Silver Level LEED certification.
- What about McGantry?
- Nothing new from them yet.
If you'll notice, Y and M were able to cut costs in a number of key ways.
What's your take on the kid?
Who?
Mr. Ian Todd.
Oh.
Um, he's eager, driven.
Green, though.
He has a lot to learn, certainly smart enough to do it if he cares to.
An interesting background.
Work in the private sector.
Could be useful on a project like this.
He'll fit in.
I wonder what it's like to take the shape of the space you're in.
Not enough water in the world.
This project's certainly more complicated than anything he's dealt with.
Might not be the best proving ground.
I've gotta get a new number from McGantry.
Keep the kid in the loop.
He's got potential.
Doyle: 
Is there some reason you neglected to mention him?
( Sighs )
Truth be told, I forgot about it.
It seems your security team forgot as well.
There's no report of this altercation on file.
Do you know who the gentleman in the photo is?
He is an acquaintance of my daughter's.
I'm assuming there's estrangement there, particularly after her arrest.
Do you have reason to believe she or anyone in her life would be interested in doing you harm?
He was concerned about her well-being.
I bring this up to you only because if there is some underworld element in play here, we should be made aware.
I can't imagine he had anything to do with it.
Well, we'd still like to identify and interview him.
As I said earlier, it's essential that we shine a light into every corner.
The shots came from 700 yards away, and you bring me a two-bit drug dealer.
Fucking embarrassing.
You can see yourself out.
( Sighs )
Come in.
- The prodigal one.
- Not exactly.
Don't hover.
Horror show in here.
I'm clearly lost without you.
I doubt that.
Hmm.
See this shit?
Isn't this from that meeting last year about the blizzard response?
I yelled at some son of a bitch over at the "Sentinel," but it doesn't matter.
They've printed a retraction no one's gonna read.
- ( Sighs ) 
- Damage done.
So, you're here to make it official?
You had to know it would come to this.
Should never have let you go, tenacious as you are.
Can't begin to tell you how grateful I am.
Not sure how I can ever repay you.
Mm, Kane's right-hand man?
I'm sure we can think of something.
And betray the mayor's trust?
Sure, that's likely.
Whoo.
Tom:
How are you feeling?
- ( Sighs ) - ( Glass bangs )
Emma,
I know this situation is not your ideal.
I'd like to think we could at least...
Emma, please.
- I need to talk with you.
- Well, I don't wanna hear it.
It's about your friend, the one from the clinic.
He's a person of interest in the investigation.
What, Darius?
Why would they even think that?
Well, he came to see me, before.
What did he say?
He wanted me to get you out.
Do you love him?
Emma, please, I have to know.
I have to know what you told him.
I have to know what he knows about me.
You.
Well, Darius doesn't know anything.
But me?
Ha, I knew better.
I am so stupid, so unbelievably stupid, to trust you.
This house is a prison, and don't you dare try to pretend otherwise.
My dear.
Babe.
Hello.
- I wasn't expecting you, was I?
- No.
I'm sorry.
Will you indulge the intrusion?
Glad to see you looking so well.
A woman of your fortitude...
I had no doubt you'd make a speedy recovery.
Long road ahead yet.
Well, I hope it's not too long before you can resume your duties.
I don't have the rapport with your husband that I do with you.
A man's ego can be cumbersome, but I have faith the two of you will warm to each other in time.
Well, I'm not sure we have time.
Did you know he's opening up the Gardens to a competitive bidding process?
I'm choosing not to concern myself with these matters at present.
I'm sure you can understand why.
Yes, of course.
It's for appearances only, I assume.
- ( Sighs ) 
- That's what it seems, anyway.
But some reassurances would be appreciated.
You're going to have to talk to my husband about that.
Of course.
Is this a fucking joke?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is exactly the same shit
McGantry sent over weeks ago, is it not?
Mostly, yes.
He removed a line item for courier fees.
- Saved a couple thousand.
- Courier fees.
Insatiable son of a bitch thinks he can just...
I always loved how clean it seemed when the snow would fall.
But it's spring now.
So wash it all away.
Yes, that's right.
Sir?
Soon it'll be summer, then fall, then it's 10 years later.
These people have waited long enough.
Your guy...
this Young and Mortensen.
- Mona: 
Yes, sir.
- Think they can actually hit that number?
Assuming you can deal with the subs.
Pull the trigger.
Ian's not wrong.
A reversal like this...
there will be blowback.
We should set some meetings for the aldermen whose contracts are affected.
Ortiz'll squawk the loudest.
Start with him.
Ian: 
What about Moretti?
You want me to brief him?
- I'd rather handle that.
- I'll make the announcement.
Mona, can you give us a minute?
Yes, sir.
- ( Door opens ) 
- And close the door, please.
Sit.
How are you and Mona getting along?
Fine.
You weren't on board, moving away from McGantry.
I'm wherever you are, sir.
- I want you on Mona.
- Sir?
Paying close attention.
- Do you have concerns?
- Quite the opposite.
- I think you can learn a lot from her.
- Of course.
I'll study her closely as long as she's here.
- Meaning?
- Oh, I just figured she was...
A perfect way to position yourself for a run is all I meant.
Figured she'd want to take on Ross next year.
I hired you both for a reason.
Never question my judgment.
That's all.
J-Just a minute.
- I heard you were out.
- Sorry I didn't...
- No.
- It's been hard.
It's cool.
It's cool.
I'm glad to see you, though.
You, too.
I've been worried.
I could tell.
Shavon... that was you?
She took care of you?
- Thanks.
- Okay.
You shouldn't be here.
( Scoffs )
I see how it is.
You do? 
How is it?
Back in Daddy's house, trying to be a good girl.
Don't be like that.
I got nothing left because of you.
Do you get that?
I know. 
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Listen, you have to get out of Chicago.
My father, he doesn't allow loose ends.
Now I'm a loose end?
- Look, I know this is all my fault.
- Wow.
I should...
Listen, you just...
you have to go, please.
Come with me.
I can't.
Why not?
Please, just...
just go.
( Over TV ) I'm Ben Zajac, and I approve this message.
Announcer: 
Paid for by "Zajac for Illinois."
- Sir? 
Lunch.
- Oh, great.
You know what? 
You can just put it right there on the table.
Woman:
Oh, I love this one.
You look so distinguished.
Everybody thinks so.
Yeah? 
Everybody?
I posted it on Facebook.
( Both laugh )
- Well, thank you for that.
- Of course.
Well, enjoy your falafel.
- Hey, Patty.
- Yes, sir?
What do you want?
- Me?
- Mm-hmm. 
Yeah, you.
Come on in.
Close the door.
Have a seat.
You've been working so hard lately.
What is it you're hoping for if I win?
When you win.
( Chuckles ) Yeah, that, too.
I don't know.
Handle correspondence maybe?
I mean, I wanna go to grad school eventually, but I'm still trying to figure...
( Giggles )
I can't tell you how long I've been thinking about this.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
( Zipper zings )
Ooh, there you go.
Kitty:
God, you're relentless.
Some say that's my most endearing quality.
Some who?
Well, you, I was hoping.
This all seems on the level.
Except there isn't a shred of police work done after the initial report.
But don't you think Kane would be pushing the PD on this?
I really don't know.
You should probably ask someone who works for him.
I'm asking you.
I don't know...
it feels wrong.
It doesn't feel wrong to you?
I don't know what you want me to say.
These things happen.
- ( Heart monitor beeping ) 
- These seemingly random things.
Now I'm going to insert the cannula.
Kitty: 
I understand wanting to find meaning in it all, but sometimes it's just what it seems to be... a mistake, an unfortunate event.
Doctor: 
You may feel some slight cramping when the suction starts.
Kitty:
Sometimes you just... you just have to let it go, move on.
Nothing there, Sam.
Well, you look really nice.
Thanks.
New job, actually.
First day.
I gotta go.
New job?
Who for?
Walsh.
Wait. 
What?
Are you... wait a second.
That's... how the hell did that happen?
I gotta go.
Okay, but this isn't...
I'm not done with you.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, really.
( Scoffs )
I'm gonna call you.
As long as it's not about Stone.
Tom: 
I'd like to thank you all for coming on such short notice.
- ( Cameras clicking ) 
- I have a brief statement.
Today, it is my great pleasure to announce that we've taken a substantial step forward on the road to a revitalized and reimagined Lennox Gardens.
From the start, I have been determined to approach this project from a new perspective.
Come clean, Tom.
Wash it all away.
To that end, we have employed the development firm of Young and Mortensen.
Creative and driven, they have offered a vision more compelling than my wildest dreams could have conjured.
They are efficient and committed, and I look forward to a long and fruitful relationship.
We're gonna slow this train down to a motherfuckin' crawl.
Tom: 
It is no secret the fabric of this city is woven with threads of venality and honor alike, but I will offer this message to those who would seek exorbitant profit from this project... an honest day's work
will garner an honest day's wage, but avarice will not be tolerated.
Greed stops here.
It is a new day for Lennox Gardens.
Spring has come to Chicago.
- Thank you.
- ( Reporters clamoring )
( Sniffs )
- I don't know what to think.
- Can't Jason have my peas?
- I don't want them.
- Jason has his own peas.
But this is a good thing, right?
What you wanted?
( Keyboard clicks )
Did you see his press conference?
- Bor-ing.
- Don't be rude.
Jason, eat your peas.
You think he's good for it?
I want to, obviously, but... there are these moments where he seems elsewhere.
( Phone ringing )
At first I thought it was some sort of test, like he was playing me or something, but... but now I think he might be legitimately shaken by all this.
- ( Ringing continues ) 
- Sean: 
Before I forget, the gas company came out.
Something with the main line. 
We had to clear the house for a couple hours.
Mona:
But they fixed it, right?
Alissa: 
Can we talk about kid stuff now?
Mona: 
All right, bitsy, your turn.
- Today I blocked three kicks.
- Mm!
- Sam only blocked one. 
She got scored on, too.
- ( Ringing continues )
Hello?
Who?
Thanks.
They got him, Stoney... the man who shot her.
They got him.

Polish Television presents
starring
The Time of Honor season 5 previously...
-Forget it.
What are you hiding there?
Bronek...
I'm going back to acting.
So we have our Aniela.
Tomorrow you're being posted to Warsaw, one floor above me.
Major, was that order genuine?
To lay down our arms?
Yes. 
We meet here in a week.
I won't inform you again.
-If I don't come you know what to do.
-We're going home from a camp.
OK. 
Hop in the back.
The note on the wall episode 55
Wake up, back there.
Get those bikes out.
Wake up!
-Bolek.
-That's your lot.
We can't take you any further.
-Where are we?
-That's the River Olza.
Before the war it used to be Poland.
It still should be then.
Is he always so gabby?
-Thank you.
-Forget it.
I mean it. 
I really mean it.
-Sure. 
Take care, boys.
-Thank you.
God bless.
Or whatever you believe.
God bless.
-Hello.
-Hello. 
Where to?
-We're going home.
-Where from.
-From a camp.
-Got your papers?
There you go.
Polish, I mean in Polish.
-But we're coming back from Germany.
-Go to Cieszyn. 
They'll decipher it.
We'll sort it now. 
Jan Markiewicz.
Father 
- Jan. Mother 
- Roza.
-Born in Warsaw, in 1920.
-They'll decipher it in Cieszyn.
Corporal, you taking the piss?
Corporal sir, it's all clearly here.
-Boleslaw Pustulka from Radzymin.
-Where?
-Radzymin. 
Is that a problem?
-What street?
-Kreta St. 
-And I live in Wawelska St.
-Jan Rybka. 5, Wawelska St. 
-Boleslaw Pustulka, 20, Kreta St.
Sit down boys.
Fancy a smoke?
Because of the political situation,
I order you to lay down your arms and return to normal life.
Signed Colonel Rzepecki, Armed Forces Delegation for Poland.
It's official, so I had to read it.
Anyone who wants to may leave, no questions asked.
The Armed Forces Delegation has given us the right to lay down our arms.
Who wants to leave?
Thank you.
I don't know how long it will last, but I don't think we should give in.
We should try to strike.
To make ourselves known.
Where we aren't expected.
In 5 minutes we attack the Militia.
Hello.
-I'd like to talk to Mr Korytowski.
-Who?
Kazimierz Korytowski.
-I understand he's employed here.
-Ah, you want Comrade Zawisza?
I beg your pardon?
I'm glad you came.
Come with me.
That's your recruitment slip.
Take it to the Personnel Department.
-Thank you.
-Wait a moment.
This is for you.
Real American chocolate.
-Give it to a child.
-I have to see Wanda, help me.
Kazimierz,
I told you.
I don't even know if Wanda's alive.
You don't believe me.
Report for work on Monday at 8 am.
Thank you.
"Why tell me what I know?"
"I know men are a race of crocodiles."
"Why tell me what I know?"
"I know men are a race of crocodiles."
"I know men are a race of crocodiles."
-Open up, they're going to Poland.
-Thanks.
See you later, brother.
It's Poland, brother.
-What's the matter with you?
-I felt the need to kiss it.
Get up.
Quite a tough welcome from Poland.
Let's go. 
Come on.
Wait.
-Come on.
-Wait!
Let's see who's first, mate.
I know you.
How many inside?
Two. 
Pietrzak and Kostecki.
They're eating.
I wanted to eat but...
Pietrzak made me keep guard.
Weapons?
Laughable. 2 pistols and a rifle.
Go ahead and attack.
But could you just knock me about a bit?
For appearances.
I don't want to lose this job.
-Is that OK?
-Sure.
Hands up.
I said hands up.
Where are your weapons?
-Is that it?
-There's only 3 of us.
-What you eating?
-From the Yanks.
I see United Nations relief is going where it's needed.
-I didn't ask for anything.
-But we're asking.
Take it all, men.
We'll try a little walk tomorrow.
-No, I'm too weak.
-Just to the door and back.
It'd be like Berlin to Warsaw for me.
Remember?
Frau Fischer said the same.
And you had her dancing around the garden again.
Frau Fischer...
This war's messed everything up.
-The major says you want to go back.
-He says too much for a doctor.
Where do you want to go?
Back home, to Breslau.
They're saying...
They say it's going to be Poland.
I know.
I can't go with you, Otto.
-I have to go to my boys in Warsaw.
-I know.
Eat.
Coffee, gentlemen.
Genuine coffee.
Yes, it was worth it.
Do you have your doubts, Ruda?
-It looked like a robbery to me.
-What do you mean?
They stole it. 
Not us.
-You mean we robbed the robbers?
-It was for us, not them.
-It's ours.
-I feel better already.
-Ruda, what's up with you?
-What's up with me?
Ask what's up with us.
What are we doing in this forest?
-If you don't like it you can go.
-It isn't so easy.
I can't.
I can't live back there and it's getting worse here.
Gentlemen.
Everybody out.
-Where are we?
-We've arrived.
Jesus Christ, he's right.
Just don't get on your knees again.
Express service, eh?
8 hours from Katowice.
-I can take the two bikes, then?
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
-All the best.
Home.
Nothing smells like our chimney.
Still standing.
-Maybe go by yourself.
-Are you crazy? 
You're staying.
-Don't think it's such a good idea.
-Best one of the whole war.
How do I look?
-Your boy might get a fright.
-Come on.
Jadzia, it's me.
Bolek...
Bolek!
-My boy.
-Don't cry, Daddy's home.
Janek, come in.
My best friend.
-Saved my life in the Uprising.
-Thank you.
I think that's enough.
Come in, please.
Watch out, you idiots.
Maidens' Vows
Well, I never.
-Is it you?
-Yes.
-Disappointed?
-No, just surprised.
Shall we sit down?
Let's go to my room upstairs.
This gentleman has come to see me.
Wanda Ryszkowska work here?
-What do you mean?
-Does Wanda Ryszkowska work here?
Yes. 
But the way they work here's enough to make a chap feel queasy.
-She came once and then vanished.
-But she's on the poster.
She just vanished, sir. 
Comrade.
Vanished into thin air.
She missed the rehearsal yesterday.
Everyone was waiting for her.
-When's the next rehearsal?
-I beg your pardon?
Are you deaf?
When's the next rehearsal?
-This afternoon.
-Right.
Marta, may I?
-Hello.
-You have five minutes.
Go on then.
You have something to say?
Yes.
Since we met I can't stop thinking...
Do you believe in all this?
-What do you mean?
-All this propaganda?
I don't spread propaganda.
Is it normal to be surrounded by Russian communists?
Do you know them?
Why talk like that about them?
For God's sake, Celina!
Don't you see it?
Don't you see those posters, those mugs stuck up all around?
Are you talking about Dabrowska, who we're publishing?
Do you read the newspapers?
-We don't publish any here.
-Well someone does.
Someone writes those bloody lies.
Don't you feel responsible for what we fought for?
Responsible?
I did what you thought was right.
My father, the commander and you.
All brave and virtuous.
And nothing came of it.
Warsaw's a ruin, my friends are dead, and you lecture me?
Shouldn't we think about that?
-Perhaps we were wrong.
-What about faith?
-Faith in whom?
-In friends, Celina.
Fine coming from you.
-It's not about us.
-I know it's not about me.
Let's not get worked up.
I have to get back to work, to my propaganda.
I'm editing The Magic Mountains.
-You're leaving.
-Yes, sir. 
When? 
-Right now.
There was an attack on the Militia in Zarnowiec. 
Investigate it.
-Colonel, this afternoon I was...
-I have my reasons.
It's was a gang from the forest.
I think it was one of our saboteurs.
Leave immediately.
Yes sir.
Are you looking for someone?
-Sister Jozefa.
-What's it about?
-It's personal.
-This is a hospital,
-not a place for personal business.
-I'll be outside.
Wladyslaw.
Come here please.
May I?
There are dressings,
sulphonamides, disinfectants and American vitamins.
-Thank you, sister.
-The army get all the antibiotics.
Be careful of that woman.
She likes to run to the major.
I'll be careful.
Thank you again, sister.
That'll do us for a while.
-Sent a letter to your mum?
-Where to?
What do you mean?
I left word for you.
But I haven't looked in a month.
Your mother's alive.
She's in a German work camp.
The Americans liberated her.
-How do you know?
-The Red Cross sent a list.
Do you hear?
Your mother's alive and well.
There's a mission going tomorrow.
You could write something.
Hi.
-I was afraid I wouldn't make it.
-A few more days
-and I'm sorted.
-And then what?
To Sweden and then Argentina.
Ernest, take me with you.
I've saved some dollars.
Just you?
Just me.
I'll try and arrange it.
Same place next week.
Could these fingers be improved?
Of course.
Caught us napping, the bastards.
It was supposed to happen a week ago,
-the army were waiting.
-Maybe one of yours squealed.
No chance, sir.
I mean comrade.
We're all pre-war communists.
-They uncovered our mole.
-How do you know?
Because they left us that.
-I think it was to tell us something.
-Tell you what?
That all grasses better watch out.
Really?
What did they take apart from arms?
Comrade commandant, reporting...
KaroI?
Is it really you?
My comrade!
Karol.
We know each from the underground.
From the People's Army, right,
-KaroI?
-That's right.
What's so funny?
Go on.
"I'll never forget our love, an invincible bond."
"Flee."
-"Flee?" -"Uncle's on the warpath."
Wanda, it's a comedy.
-You put so much sadness into it...
-Maybe that's how it should be.
-It's the first post-war production.
-Exactly. 
Post-war. 
After the war.
People want to relax.
Help them to forget.
That's why they'll come.
Try it one more time. 
Wanda, play it gently, with your fingertips.
-Well?
-Fine, I wasn't tailed.
Not so good in there.
Crawling with secret police.
Krawiec didn't come.
Arrested.
Arrested.
Send all the boys home.
They're to cut all contacts.
We'll find them if necessary.
And you should disappear for a while.
What about you?
I don't think I have a choice.
No goodbye for an old comrade?
Wozniak.
-Why that pantomime?
-Well, a security service captain.
-Major Halbe would have been shocked.
-Listen.
You listen.
We're all in the same boat, but I've got it tough, and you're in clover.
I also want to get on in life.
-What do you want?
-To join the Security Service.
-I want officer's training.
-You, an officer?
Karol. 
This country will get the elite it deserves.
Farewell, comrade. 
Back to Warsaw.
Let's go.
Feeling refreshed?
My head hurts a little.
-Have I slept the whole day?
-You bet.
What about you?
Had some catching up to do.
Jadzia did too.
Hungry? 
There's bread and sausage, but no more vodka.
Just as well.
Follow me,
I'll show you something.
Sleep well?
-Not so sure.
-My Jadzia, total emancipation.
Set up this pressing service herself.
-Got a big order from the town hall.
-It came just like that?
No, but at least there's business.
First-class stiffness.
Starched, not rinsed.
Where are you off to?
Take a look.
-There are loads of orders.
-No, I'm no expert.
-Me neither, but we can learn.
-Bolek...
-What?
-I'll find something else.
Listen we always said we'd start a business together.
Here it is.
-People say various strange things.
-What will you do then?
I have to find my family first.
-Hello.
-Hello.
Pencil and paper, please.
They you go.
5 zlotys.
-I don't have any change.
-What now? 
What are we going to do?
Take that as well.
I'm looking for Lena Sajkowska and her child. 
Janek M. Radzymin.
Romek Sajkowski.
-I think I know you.
-I doubt it.
-Your mug looks familiar.
-Get away.
A senior officer, eh?
-Impossible. 
I wasn't in the army.
-Whatever.
Save it for your interrogation.
Some advice, since you're lying.
Make up a detailed story or they'll shoot you at once.
You won't last till your trial.
Do you know they'll hang us where we served?
If you were in Russia, you'll go to the Soviets;
in Poland, to the Poles.
You were in Poland, I remember.
Krakow and Warsaw?
I worked on the Berlin railway.
The railway, you say?
You'll feel at home when they transport us nach Osten then.
As the Fuhrer used to say:
"Nach Osten"!
-Looking for someone?
-Yes.
My brother. 
Romek Sajkowski.
He lives here. 
Do you know where?
-What's his first name?
-Romek.
Ask there. 
Some new people have moved in with them.
I knew everyone. 
There was no Romek.
But now...
Thank you.
Hello, I'm looking for my brother.
Romek Sajkowski.
I know he lives round here.
-Do you know where?
-Romek? 
No. 
Maybe higher up.
Maybe Dziunia's boy up there?
-No, he's only three. 
Can't be him.
-No, he's 20.
-Slim, brown hair.
-No, there's no one like that here.
-Thank you. 
I'll ask higher up.
-Unless you mean that Jew boy who sleeps in the cellar.
But he only comes back at night.
Not that Jew boy, right?
How do I know you're not lying?
I know the results of lying.
Truth and lies end up the same here.
Comrade lieutenant, he's talking about some buried gold.
Says he'll only tell an officer.
The door.
-What's with this gold?
-I work for a bank in Breslau and I know...
I can point out the place where an SS regiment hid our gold reserves.
What do you want in exchange?
Nothing.
Just don't turn me over to the Poles.
-Guilty conscience?
-No.
I don't have a guilty conscience.
I just want to stay in Germany.
It's...
I'm sorry...
It's here somewhere.
That's the American zone.
But that shouldn't be a problem for you, should it?
Take this.
-Why so late?
-I had a few things to do.
Everyone has, don't they?
You summoned these boys for an 8.00 am muster, didn't you?
They trust you. 
You're their leader.
You're responsible for them.
They trust you.
-Where's Ruda.
-She stayed.
-What do you mean?
-I don't know, she didn't say.
I tried to explain to her.
She needs a few days.
Sure.
-Michal?
-I don't want to talk to you.
Mother's alive.
She's in Germany.
Who told you?
Sister Jozefa.
A list of survivors came from the Red Cross.
She's alive.
Tell me something.
Well?
-She's alive.
-Can we write to her?
-I already have.
-What did you write?
-That we're alive.
-We're alive, Wladek.
After all this time and this war.
We're alive. 
That's it.
-That's all?
-And I told her not to come back.
What? 
What did you say?
Wladek.
Something's coming.
-Please let us through.
-Pass.
-It's a matter of utmost importance.
-You won't get in without a pass.
Maybe we can sort this out?
Don't shoot!
I'm Lars Rainer.
Chief of the Gestapo in Warsaw.
I want to talk to your commander.
I have important information.
I knew you'd find me here.
Lena's dead.
Your baby too,
What do you mean?
She's dead.
I saw her go into a house which collapsed on top of her.
I saw it.
I didn't see my father die, I abandoned him.
I didn't see my mother die, I abandoned her.
But I saw my sister die.
I saw it.
That's it.
That's it.
Do what you like with it.
No!
in the next episode...
-The war's not over.
-Where you going?
-To Warsaw.
-Is he going too?
-The Hun's going home.
You want to meet people, enjoy life.
For me nothing has changed.
I might be arrested any moment.
-I was afraid you wouldn't come.
-I can't believe
Zawisza's never afraid.
English version: 
DubbFilm Translation: 
David French
Subtitles: 
Michał Kosiba

Dear Journal, it's Christmas again... that time of year when parents aren't arrested for forcing their children to sit on an old man's weirdly hot lap.
That magical season when five seemingly separate storylines are cleverly sandwiched between commercial breaks, and then tied together at the end like a beautiful bow.
Like that movie Love, Actually.
Which I don't think anyone really cares for, and yet it is constantly on cable.
Whoa... hey, dude, are you all right?
Whoa, wh-wh-what happened to your face?
I fell, okay?
The stupid janitor didn't put salt on the ramp, like he's supposed to, and my wheels don't have chains, so I slipped backwards and tipped over on the ice.
It's fine. 
It's nothing.
No, no, no, no...
hey, hey, hey.
That's not nothing.
That's some pretty serious road rash.
Let me take you to the nurse's office, all right?
You hit your head pretty hard.
I'm going to go call your mother.
Lay down till she gets here.
Want me to help you get up on the cot? 
No.
I don't want anybody to help me with anything.
I'm tired of being so helpless,
I'm tired of everybody pitying me, and I'm tired of being in this damn chair.
Anyone could have fallen on the ice, all right?
Yeah, but they could've gotten back up, instead of laying there screaming for help until some freshman girl showed up.
Dude, don't bite my head off.
But you need some rest, so I'm going to help you out, all right?
I just wish I was never in that dumb chair.
I know, buddy. 
I know.
Tina!
Look.
Can you believe it?
Believe what?
Why are you stuttering again?
She never stopped because you never became friends.
Rory?
!
What are you doing here?
And talk slowly, so I can understand you.
I'm your Christmas guardian angel.
And I've granted your wish.
Your car accident never happened.
You were never in that dumb chair.
That's insane.
Don't believe me?
Ask Becky.
Merry Christmas, stud.
Want to fool around?
I can't get pregnant.
What? 
No.
Becky's the school slut now.
No one treats her with any respect.
But I do.
I took her on a date.
No, you didn't.
You were too busy throwing losers in Dumpsters to give her any attention or treat her with kindness, and as a result, she never learned any self-respect.
Hey! 
Hey, Kurt!
Nice cape!
Who are you supposed to be... 
Super Homo?
What are you guys doing?
Just having some fun with Little Lord Gay Boy.
But you guys aren't straight douche bags.
You sang Lady Gaga songs.
Keep telling those dirty lies, and we'll break your friggin' legs.
Kurt, didn't you graduate?
I should've, but I couldn't bear coming to school more than twice a week, because of all the bullying.
All the homeschooling set me back a year.
What does Blaine say about that?
Who's Blaine?
Mr. Shue, thank God you're here.
We need to call an emergency meeting of the glee club.
What glee club?
I couldn't get enough of you brats interested to get that lame idea off the ground.
Will, I need your paycheck before you blow it all on booze and flannel shirts.
Sheets and Things is having a big Christmas sale, and we desperately need an air purifier for our moldy garbage heap of an apartment.
That's a doll.
Shh!
He's so drunk he doesn't know the difference.
You're cute.
Where's Miss Pillsbury?
In Hawaii.
With her dear, sweet husband Coach Tanaka.
It's a match made in heaven, right, honey?
That's right.
Rachel?
What are you doing here?
You live in New York.
You go to the most prestigious drama school in the country.
Well, I am gonna be in the Lima Community Players' production of The Music Man.
Tell me you're at least playing Marian the Librarian.
No, that's the lead.
I'm just in the chorus.
Excuse me.
Rachel... what's going on?
Let go of me!
What happened you?
What happened to all of us?
- Hey!
- No!
Rory! 
Rory, where are you?
What's wrong?
Everything.
How can everything be so messed up?
You weren't in a wheelchair, so you were too busy playing football to join Glee.
It turns out... you were the glue of Glee, Artie.
The quiet, steady, beating heart of the group.
No glue... no Glee.
I can fix this.
I can.
I'll get them all back together.
Just you watch, I'll fix it.
You're probably wondering why
I've asked you all to meet me in the choir room.
This is Coach Sue's craft room.
Well, in an alternate universe, it was the choir room.
I had a dream about that once.
I know.
And it was a place that always made me feel safe.
And I know it did for a lot of you, too.
That's 'cause we danced together, we sang together, we took turns up here.
Like Finn said, it's about the love of the music.
Dude, are you high?
I never said that.
Why don't you just show us what you mean?
♪ Feliz Navidad ♪
♪ Feliz Navidad ♪
♪ Feliz Navidad, prospero año y felicidad ♪
♪ Feliz Navidad ♪
♪ Feliz Navidad ♪
♪ Feliz Navidad ♪
♪ Prospero año y felicidad ♪
♪ I wanna wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ I wanna wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ I wanna wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ From the bottom of my heart ♪
♪ Feliz Navidad... ♪
♪ Feliz Navidad ♪
♪ Feliz Navidad ♪
♪ Prospero año y felicidad ♪
♪ Feliz Navidad ♪
♪ Feliz Navidad... ♪
♪ Feliz Navidad ♪
♪ Prospero año y felicidad ♪
♪ I wanna wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ I wanna wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ I wanna wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ From the bottom of my heart ♪
♪ I wanna wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ I wanna wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ I wanna wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ From the bottom of my heart. ♪
That was so gay.
Is that mine?
No.
It's Quinn's.
Without the encouragement and support from you and her friends in Glee,
Quinn was never able to walk again after her accident.
Wait a minute, if there was no Glee Club, there was no Finchel wedding for her to drive to, so...
Quinn texts and drives in every timeline, Artie.
Okay.
Why isn't she in it?
She died.
How?
Of a broken heart.
Much like her body, her spirit never recovered.
Come on, dude, you mom's here.
You know, I could use some help here.
Come on, grab onto me.
Sorry, Artie.
I know it really sucks being in this chair sometimes.
For better or for worse, this chair is a part of me.
It's made me who I am.
Well, if you're not going to come to Lima, then my dads and I insist you come with us to the Rosie O'Donnell Gay Holiday Cruise.
It's going to be so much fun.
There's even going to be a Jessie Tyler Ferguson look-alike contest.
Well, in that case,
I'm definitely gonna have to pass.
Honey, uh...
And besides, there's really no reason to go to Lima, anyway.
My dad and Finn and Carole are visiting Carole's sister in Zanesville, and she always has too much eggnog and blacks out.
Happy holidays!
Well, what about Blaine?
I talk to him.
But, you know, he knows that I'm saving my money for NYADA now.
And it'll be good to just have some time for myself, you know, and think about things and...
Can you get that?
Okay, what do we need for this tree?
It's just hopeless...
Dad!
Burt?
Season's greetings!
Oh, my God!
Well, I got a tree...
you need one?
Come in!
Okay, all right.
I got it, I got it.
Okay, you can let go now.
Okay.
Come on, let's go look at it.
Oh, it's perfect.
Yeah, well, I couldn't imagine you guys celebrating Christmas without a real tree.
You know, his mom used to always buy the tree.
I'd always tell her to wait till I got home from work, but she never could.
And then, the first Christmas after his mom died,
I totally forgot about it.
That is, until
I saw little Kurt hanging his own special version of a Christmas ornament on his window shade Christmas Eve.
My mom's perfume bottle.
Oh, I always loved the way she smelled.
So I pull him out of bed,
I throw a coat on him,
I drive straight through a snowstorm, right down to the Christmas tree sale.
It was the first time he smiled since his mom died.
Okay, no tears on Christmas Eve.
This box is full of happy memories, as well.
Like our Christmas trip to Dollywood.
Oh, yeah.
That one I like.
That trip was for me.
Oh, and this redneck NASCAR trip, that was for you. 
Hey, this is a nice ornament.
Let's hang them.
All right, well, I wish I could stay, but can't really be late for a cruise, so...
Oh, hold on. 
You got to open this before you go.
Uh, happy Hanukkah, merry Christmas.
It's for your first New York holiday season.
Hang it together.
Thank you.
And then you can go.
Okay.
Kurt, okay, this, to our very first.
New York Christmas.
Ha. 
I never thought I'd see this day.
Us walking down the streets of New York, right after seeing a live Broadway musical.
Well, the Rockettes might have better legs than me, but they can't touch my "Single Ladies" performance.
That was the best musical I've ever seen.
Ah, it's freezing!
I think it's time to check off another.
Hummel family tradition:
Hot chocolate.
Kurt, I have something to tell you, and I came here because it's the kind of thing
I want to tell you face-to-face.
Don't like the sound of that.
Look, I'm just going to come out and say it because there's no... good way to say it.
Uh, I have prostate cancer.
Feel like I'm going to be sick.
No, no, hey, hey, look at me.
Do I look like a guy who's dying?
We caught it early.
You know, local stage, no spreading.
Cure rate's nearly 100%.
For healthy people, Dad.
You've already had a heart attack.
The heart attack is what, you know, made me get checkups twice a year.
It's just really scary to think that when I finally reach my destiny, that you won't be around to see it.
Hey.
I will be there.
I promise.
Look, can I just give you one piece of advice while we're still talking father to son?
This is three times I've had to stare death in the eye.
And you know the one thing I took away from all that?
You have got to hold the people you love close to you no matter what.
Dad, you okay?
Do you need a pillow or tea, water?
No, Kurt, stop.
Come on, let's focus on happy things.
Like our Christmas traditions.
I am looking forward to watching basketball on Christmas Day while you pretend you watch with me.
You mean while I secretly read Vogue?
That was never a secret.
No, like our other Christmas traditions.
Like on Christmas Eve, where we each exchange one gift.
My favorite part.
All right, you first.
Ah, I saw that.
Nice.
I know it's cheesy, but thought you'd like it.
Screw cheesy. 
I love it.
In México, they would call me Señor Queso.
Look at this. 
Ah, man.
I love it, man.
You are going to kick ass at that school.
That's the plan.
All right, my turn.
Okay, so my gift to you is really big.
It's too big to put under the tree.
Curiosity piqued.
Okay, so you can pick it up at this address, and, you know, if you don't like it, you can return it.
Package for Kurt Hummel.
Blaine?
Surprise.
Your dad called me out of the blue and wanted to fly me out here just so I can see that look on your face, and it's pretty priceless.
Actually, he told me everything, and I promise, I'll keep an eye on him for you.
But the reason why I'm here is because he didn't want us to miss out on another important holiday tradition.
Our Christmas duet?
You are happy to see me, right?
Yeah, yeah. 
Always.
Come on.
Get your skates on.
It's almost midnight.
Hurry up!
♪ I'm dreaming ♪
♪ Of a white Christmas ♪
♪ With every Christmas card I write ♪
♪ May your days, may your days, may your days ♪
♪ Be merry and bright ♪
♪ And may all ♪
♪ Your Christmases be white ♪
♪ I-I-I-I'm dreaming ♪
♪ Of a white Christmas ♪
♪ With every Christmas card I write ♪
♪ May your days be merry ♪
♪ And bright ♪
♪ And may all ♪
♪ Your Christmases ♪
♪ Be white ♪
♪ I'm dreaming ♪
♪ Of a white Christmas. ♪
Listen. 
Hey.
It's midnight.
It's Christmas.
Officially.
No matter what, no matter where, even if we're not together, we're always going to be there for each other.
Oh, hey, Puckerman, yo.
You going African, or are you more Hebrew for the holidays?
Yeah, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa?
Which is it?
Kwanukkah!
Hey!
Hey! 
One Puckerman just ate your lunch.
What do you think's going to happen when we unload two barrels of Puckshot into your ugly mugs?
What are you looking at?
What are you doing here?
Just scoping out some chicks, doing a little research for my screenplay.
You're a screenwriter now?
In L.A., you're nobody unless you're somebody in the movie business.
I'm almost done with my first script.
It's sci-fi, but it has a high school element.
Wow. 
That sounds really cool, actually.
Well, if me being totally honest,
I also came back to talk to you.
I'm worried about you, dude.
Well, I'm fine.
Fine doesn't get into fights in the hallway.
Think what you need is a little mentoring from your big bro.
Come spend a few days in La La Land with me.
Let's do Hanukkah together.
All you need is some cash for gas and burritos.
My hog has a sweet sidecar.
Wait.
You... you want me to ride all the way to California in a sidecar?
Where's your sense of adventure?
Noah Puckerman.
There should be a drive-on for us.
That's what they call a pass that you get when you're allowed to drive on to the lot.
It's a technical term.
So, who's your meeting with?
Is it about your screenplay?
I'm just here networking today.
Played with the sweater puppies of one of the assistants of one of the guys who produces one of the NCISes, and she got me the pass.
Wow. 
You really are making things happen.
It was inevitable.
If you're in Hollywood and you're a Jew or a gay, you basically got it made.
What are you doing?
I told you... networking.
We need to let all the bigwigs here know who we are.
Or, more specifically, what we are.
♪ Oh, Hanukkah, oh, Hanukkah, come light the menorah ♪
♪ Let's have a party, we'll all dance the horah ♪
♪ Gather round the table, we'll give you a treat ♪
♪ Sevivon to play with and latkes to eat ♪
♪ And while we are playing ♪
♪ The candles are burning low ♪
♪ One for each night, they shed a sweet light ♪
♪ To remind us of days long ago ♪
♪ One for each night, they shed a sweet light ♪
♪ To remind us of days long ago ♪
♪ Oh, Hanukkah, oh, Hanukkah, come light the menorah ♪
♪ Let's have a party, we'll all dance the horah ♪
♪ Gather round the table, we'll give you a treat ♪
♪ Sevivon to play with and latkes to eat ♪
♪ And while we are playing ♪
♪ The candles are burning low ♪
♪ One for each night, they shed a sweet light ♪
♪ To remind us of days long ago ♪
♪ Oh, Hanukkah, oh, Hanukkah, come light the menorah ♪
♪ Let's have a party, we'll all dance the horah ♪
♪ Gather round the table, we'll give you a treat ♪
♪ Sevivon to play with and latkes to eat ♪
♪ And while we are playing ♪
♪ The candles are burning low ♪
♪ One for each night, they shed a sweet light ♪
♪ To remind us of days long ago ♪
♪ One for each night, they shed a sweet light ♪
♪ To remind us of days long ago ♪
♪ One for each night, they shed a sweet light ♪
♪ To remind us of days long ago. ♪
Happy Hanukkah!
I can't believe that this is where you live.
No, I'm just renting.
I think if I buy, I'd want to be up in the hills.
One of those houses they shoot porn in.
Excuse me.
Aren't you the guy who cleans our pool?
Yeah, Mrs. Cross, hey.
I thought you were in Hawaii for Christmas.
Yeah, we came back early.
You have five minutes till I call the police.
Dude, why did you lie to me?
I didn't think you'd be impressed by my apartment in the Valley filled with Ikea furniture
I never figured out how to put together.
So all that screenwriter stuff...
is that just garbage, too?
Figured it was my only chance to convince you to come move out here with me.
I'm a sophomore, man.
I mean, I had to lie to my mom and tell her I was going on vacation in Fort Lauderdale with Ryder and his family just to get out here for this.
I'm a mess out here, dude.
It's lonely.
I've got no friends.
It's impossible to meet people 'cause you spend the whole day in your car.
Why didn't you just tell me that?
We are family.
I mean, I would've understood.
That your big brother is a loser?
Let's go back to Lima.
If we leave this afternoon, we'll make it back by Christmas Eve.
If I go back, my mom's gonna make me go to Breadstix for dinner on Christmas Day while my sister hangs out with her Christian friends.
Cool. 
I'll go, too.
And I'll invite my mom.
My mom hates your mom.
Your mom hasn't ever even met my mom.
You feel lonely, you want this feeling of family.
Fine, then let's you and I... we'll make it happen.
Thanks.
How great is this lasagna?
I saw you once, you know.
I came into that diner you were working at after he told me about you.
You waited on me.
Acted like you had no idea who I was.
I didn't.
He never told me he was married.
He did not wear his ring when we were together.
Is that how you make yourself feel better?
Stop it.
He split on both of you.
You spent all these years hating each other, keeping me and my brother apart, and for what?
To spite some jerk who never loved any of us?
Puck's right.
We all have one thing in common:
He ran out on all of us.
This week with Puck was... ridiculous, but it felt different than being with a friend.
We're a family. 
Okay?
A pretty messed up one, but still a family.
Your father really was an ass.
An epic ass.
So let's drink a toast.
Yes, let's.
To the power of the holidays, to new traditions and to an epic ass that did one thing right:
He brought us together.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Merry Hanukkah, dude.
Right back at you, bro.
Hi, Marley.
Here's a Rolex.
Merry Christmas.
Hi, Ryder.
Here's a three-week vacation to Saint-Tropez.
What?
Enjoy.
Boop.
What's this?
Those are the keys to your brand-new 2013 Toyota Camry.
Brittany, what are you doing?
Um, well, last week, I decided to watch a documentary about the Mayan Apocalypse, which arrives on December 21, 2012.
So I decided to cash in all my savings so my friends and I could enjoy what's left of our lives to the fullest.
Enjoy.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Hey, Brittany.
Um, can I ask you a question?
Yeah, not if you're gonna tell me that the Mayan Apocalypse isn't real.
'Cause the documentary I watched was on the History Channel, involving real actors portraying real events.
No, listen.
I believe it, too.
Fact.
2012 is the year that Kim Il-Sung, founder of North Korea, would've turned 100.
Divide 100 by ten, the percentage of Americans that believe the world will end on the 21st of December, and you get ten...
Mexico's rank in the world as a tourist destination... whose president expects the Mayan Apocalypse to attract 52 million people to his country.
It's all right there.
All anyone has to do is look at the numbers.
I'm terrified.
And we need to purify ourselves for the last day of b'ak'tun, the 144,000-day cycle of the Mayan Calendar.
Totally. 
We need to tell everyone we know how we really feel about them.
You guys, welcome to the first meeting of the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse Club.
Wait, that's what this is?
Don't worry, it's also the last meeting.
Because we're all so close,
Sam and I wanted to bring you here so we could finally tell you our true feelings about you.
Tina, acting is a pipe dream for you, and your decision to pursue it as a career is both irresponsible and shocking.
Joe, you haven't really made much of an impression on me, and I don't really know what your deal is.
Wait a second.
This is the worst club ever.
We're not gonna just sit here and let you insult us.
I wasn't gonna insult you;
All I wanted to tell you was that I think you're delightful.
Guys, you can't leave yet;
You're gonna miss the best part!
Okay, merry Christmas to you two.
Guys, we're not even gonna make it to Christmas!
I can't believe how naive they are.
I know.
Some people just can't face the cold, hard fact that this earth is really just the back of a giant crocodile that's destroyed and recreated every 500 years.
Well, at least we have each other.
Yeah.
And since the world is gonna end before Christmas, in the meantime, this will have to do.
♪ Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock ♪
♪ Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring ♪
♪ Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun ♪
♪ Now the jingle hop has begun ♪
♪ Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock ♪
♪ Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time ♪
♪ Dancing and prancing in jingle bell square ♪
♪ In the frosty air ♪
♪ What a bright time, it's the right time ♪
♪ To rock the night away ♪
♪ Jingle bell time is a swell time ♪
♪ To go gliding in a one-horse sleigh ♪
♪ Giddyap, jingle horse, pick up your feet ♪
♪ Jingle around the clock ♪
♪ Mix and a-mingle in the jingling beat ♪
♪ That's the jingle bell rock ♪
♪ Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock ♪
♪ Jingle bell chime in jingle bell time ♪
♪ Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun ♪
♪ Now the jingle hop has begun ♪
♪ Giddyap, jingle horse, pick up your feet ♪
♪ Jingle around the clock ♪
♪ Mix and a-mingle in the jingling beat ♪
♪ That's the jingle bell, that's the jingle bell ♪
♪ That's the jingle bell rock ♪
♪ Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock ♪
♪ Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell ♪
♪ Rock. ♪
Whoo!
Yes!
And here's another rock.
Brittany, before the world ends, will you marry me?
Are you sure you're qualified to marry us?
You betcha, kiddo.
I went on a Mayan Church Web site and I got ordained... if you're really serious about doing this.
Yeah. 
I want Brittany and I to meet Q'uq'umatz, the feathered snake god, together.
Put your hands here.
Brittany, I've always thought you were super hot and really smart, but what I didn't know was that you were going to end up being my soul mate.
Who knows what the future holds for us?
Probably tsunamis and horrible sea monsters.
But now I'm not worried about that, because I have you.
Sam, when you first joined the glee club,
I didn't notice for a while.
It wasn't until you did a Rich Little impression and then told me it was a Rich Little impression and explained who Rich Little was that I just... 
I knew you were special.
And I can't tell you how excited I am to become your Mayan star-wife.
You may kiss your bride.
It's December 18.
Three days till the end.
Let's make this time count.
Brittany.
It's December 22.
We survived the Mayan Apocalypse.
You know what this means?
The world didn't end.
We're also married.
You know, I hate to ask you something during your midday ritual of devouring an entire animal carcass, so here goes nothing.
What's going on here?
It's the faculty and staff Secret Santa!
And you really couldn't swallow first, could you?
Millie Rose.
Who the hell's Millie Rose?
She's a sweetheart.
She works in the cafeteria.
She's a big lady, and I think her daughter's in the glee club.
How about this one?
Becky, it's a beautiful sweater from Benetton.
Epic fail!
I already got one of these, Coach!
Get me something I don't already have!
Like what?
Like a hot date!
Or a snowmobile!
Oh, Becky, you're not the only person I have to shop for.
I got to get something for that hideous wad of a lunch lady, who somehow was able to squeeze out a ravishing, golden-throated, raven-haired beauty from those monstrous, gaping loins.
What do you get the woman who's eaten everything?
Just to be clear, no presents this year.
That money is going to a therapist who specializes in eating disorders.
We're not playing around here.
I know, Mom.
I know this is serious.
I have a problem, and I want to get better.
Besides, we don't really need anything.
Not even a tree?
Marley... a tree is $50, and a session with Dr. Goodsitt is $200.
I don't need to tell you that I don't make a lot of money.
I will be damned if I waste a penny of it before my daughter is healthy enough to realize what a beautiful miracle she is.
Sorry.
If you want to give me a gift, sing me something.
Deal.
♪ The first Noel ♪
♪ The angel did say ♪
♪ Was to certain poor shepherds ♪
♪ In fields as they lay ♪
♪ Noel, Noel ♪
♪ Noel, Noel... ♪
♪ Born is the king ♪
♪ Of Israel. ♪
That, right there, is the best Christmas gift I have ever gotten.
Well, Becky,
I feel absolutely horrible.
I've become selfish and spoiled, and incredibly out of touch.
Look at this tree.
Yes, it has a stark beauty all its own.
But did I really need to cut down a 7,000-year-old bristlecone pine just to hang ornaments on it?
It just seems frivolous.
Becky, I just made a call to a guy in the antiquities business.
He's got contacts in the luxury toothpick market.
You and I are gonna sell him this tree, and we're going to give the proceeds to a very important cause.
Marley? 
Marley!
Marley, get down here, sweetie.
Oh, my God.
I know.
Yeah, the back door was jimmied open,
I was gonna call the police, and then I saw all this. 
Mom.
Look at this sweater.
It's... 
I think it's from Benetton.
Oh, sweet Lord...
I am gonna pass out. 
Marley...
Oh, my God.
Marley, there's $800 here.
Oh, my God.
Merry Christmas, Mom!
Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
We should probably still call the police.
I actually think I knew it was really over when he tried to pick up on my sister... at her baby shower.
Aw, look at 'em.
Laughing, trading war stories about us kids.
It's a true Hanukkah miracle.
You know, I'm really gonna miss you when you go back to L.A.
I was thinking about that.
I mean, I'm a screenwriter.
I can write anywhere.
And I'm sure most of my pool-cleaning clients in Lima would take me back, so...
So you're moving back home?
L.A. is great, but... someone needs to look after you and our moms.
So we're not actually married.
There aren't actually any Mayan church Web sites.
The Mayans were wiped out 500 years ago by the conquistadors and smallpox.
That's like chickenpox, but smaller.
Look, when I heard the two of you were getting engaged,
I thought to myself, these kids are two... special kids.
The last thing we need is another teen tragedy of marrying too young, popping out a couple kids before you're 20 and ending up with your faces blurred out on an episode of Cops.
I'm happy to have more time with Sam.
I just... 
I feel empty since the world didn't end.
Yeah, like everything was just so energized for those few days, and I felt so close to everyone, and...
It... it was really awesome.
I just miss that feeling.
Hey, look at my phone.
Huh. 
I got a Google alert about the Mayan calendar.
It says, uh... some archaeologist named Indiana Jones found a new Mayan calendar today.
That's remarkable.
Dr. Jones said that the new end of the world date is September 27, 2014.
That gives us like two whole years of giving love and brutal honesty to everyone we know.
So, who's winning?
Celtics.
Celtics.
Okay, I tried.
Ah... 20 seconds.
Oh!
Pay up, Anderson.
You may have dated him, but I raised him.
I know my son.
Aw, you couldn't have just toughed it out for just a few more seconds, Kurt?
No.
Just a few more seconds.
So... graduating...
Plans for the future?
Uh... well...
I haven't talked about this with Kurt, and I wouldn't do anything to make him uncomfortable, but I was thinking about applying to NYADA.
Would that be okay?
I think that'd be great.
Me, too.
Could I talk to you for a second, Coach?
I wanted to say thank you for what you did for Marley and me.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
I had nothing to do with the making of that film.
I bribed Becky Jackson with candy, and she told me everything.
You're very generous, but, um...
I'm afraid I can't accept this money.
Well, you and I both know how hard it is to be a single mother.
So take the money, and make sure that daughter of yours gets better.
Is that understood?
Now, if you'll excuse me, please sideways-step yourself the hell out of my office.
Uh... would you come with me?
Marley wanted to say thank you, too.
Does this involve the glee club singing a Christmas song in the auditorium with snow falling on an elaborate winter scene?
Yep, okay. 
This is exactly what I just described.
Coach Sylvester, I wanted to thank you for what you did.
So I called Artie, and he helped pull all this together.
Well, it's a testament to how little you know me if you think this is something I would enjoy.
♪ Have yourself ♪
♪ A merry little Christmas ♪
♪ Let your heart be light ♪
♪ From now on our troubles ♪
♪ Will be out of sight ♪
♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪
♪ Make the Yuletide gay ♪
♪ From now on ♪
♪ Our troubles will be miles away ♪
♪ Here we are as in olden days ♪
♪ Happy golden days ♪
♪ Of yore ♪
♪ Faithful friends who are dear to us ♪
♪ Gather near to us ♪
♪ Once more ♪ ♪ Once more... ♪
♪ Once more... ♪
♪ Through the years ♪
♪ We all will be together ♪
♪ If the fates allow ♪
♪ Hang a shining star ♪
♪ Upon the highest bough ♪
♪ And have yourself ♪
♪ A merry little Christmas now ♪
♪ Faithful friends who are dear to us ♪
♪ Gather near to us ♪
♪ Once more ♪
♪ Through the years ♪
♪ We all will be together ♪
♪ If the fates allow ♪
♪ Hang a shining star ♪
♪ Upon the highest bough ♪
♪ And have yourself ♪
♪ A merry little Christmas ♪
♪ Now. ♪
Merry Christmas!

Previously, on Hell's Kitchen...
It's the blue menu versus the red menu.
Your stations, your menu, my standards.
As the red team prepped for dinner service...
What is she even doing with two hours for these mussels?
Two and a half hours now.
The chefs had a problem with Barbie's attention to detail.
Barbie, I'm a lot bigger than you, and I'm moving 10 times faster than you.
But once dinner service started...
You're preparing fresh garnish in a dirty pan!
It was Tiffany's carelessness...
Oh, my God, are you kidding me?
That infuriated chef Ramsay.
Why can't you get clean pans when they're standing in front of you?
And the sous chef Andi...
You have such a attitude.
Why don't you take a walk?
Have fun.
In the blue kitchen...
It's one and then two, one and then two.
I just told ya.
Two, and then two.
It's two...
Clemenza was completely flustered.
I have the other sea bass.
You lying bastard.
I will nail you to the post.
...And Robyn...
Just touch that.
Just touch it.
Mushy.
Couldn't figure out Justin's dish.
Are you blaming me for that?
I am kind of blaming you, bro.
You set me up for failure.
And on a night when they were cooking their own menus...
Stop! 
All of you!
The red team... and the blue team...
All of you, come here!
Struggled throughout dinner service.
Every table... stop, start.
Stop, start.
Stop, start, stop, start!
Get out.
Tonight was the most shocking dinner service yet.
There will be no winning team.
During deliberations...
You set me up for failure, bro.
And ask for help.
And I asked you for help, and you denied it.
Robyn was in the middle of the drama once again.
Robyn cannot take responsibility for herself at all, she's a child.
In the end, the blue team nominated...
Robyn.
And...
Clemenza.
The red team nominated...
Barbie.
And...
Tiffany, chef.
I love Tiffany to death.
It's really hard to see her up there.
But even after a passionate plea...
I feel so bad.
I just want to prove to you that I can do it.
Tiffany...
Please give me your jacket.
Was sent packing.
Good night.
Thus ending her dream of becoming head chef at Gordon Ramsay's Steak at Paris, Las Vegas.
♪ Fire ♪
♪ unh ♪
♪ when you shake what you got ♪
♪ and, girl, you've got a lot ♪
♪ you're really something, child ♪
♪ yes, you are ♪
♪ the way you walk and talk ♪
♪ really sets me off ♪
♪ and I'm so excited ♪
♪ the way you swerve and curve ♪
♪ really wrecks my nerves ♪
♪ 'cause I'm smokin', baby, baby ♪
♪ woo, woo, woo ♪
♪ the way you push ♪
♪ push ♪
♪ lets me know that you're goo-oo-ood ♪
♪ you're gonna get your wish ♪
♪ oh, no, fire ♪
♪ what I said, child ♪
♪ fire ♪
♪ fire ♪
And now, the continuation of Hell's Kitchen.
Get out of here.
Yes, chef.
Tiffany went home 'cause she needed to.
One by one, they're dropping like flies, and I'm still here.
It sucks that my best friend just left.
Tiffany. 
That's my girl, dude.
Straight up.
Oh, this is so difficult.
That was my dude, man.
I know, it sucks.
It sucks.
She helps me so much.
You all just don't even know.
Tiff should not have gone home.
It should've totally been Barbie's funky ass, because she is not a team player.
But now I gotta bang it out for Tiff.
I'm gonna get that bitch outta here.
Barbie's gonna be gone.
I'm gonna beat this bitch's ass, dude.
I know, I hear ya.
Now that Tiffany's gone,
I feel like things are square between Kimmie and I.
She's definitely not happy that Barbie's still here.
I'm just glad that it's not really me.
But let them deal with it.
I'm not on red team.
I don't give a anymore.
I care about myself and the blue team.
For real, Kimmie.
Things are gonna be a'ight.
Oh, yeah.
I'm here to win.
I'm about to take the reins of this team, whether they like it or not.
After a tumultuous dinner service, the chefs are more anxious than ever...
Let's do this.
To see what chef Ramsay has in store for them today.
Oh, .
I see this giant map.
California's got avocados, Texas has got some ribs,
Idaho's got potatoes...
Something's gonna happen.
I don't know what, but I know something's gonna happen.
I had the pleasure of traveling across the United States, and through my travels, I've been able to see.
Maine lobster, Maryland crab, Wisconsin cheese... delicious.
Clearly, each region has a state cuisine.
And our next challenge is all about an American cuisine that I've learned to love in a big way.
And that is...
Southern cuisine!
Yeah.
Yeah!
Yeah!
♪ Well, this little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
♪ hey, this little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
♪ hey! 
This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
♪ let it shine, let it shine, let it shine ♪ * gonna let it shine *
♪ gonna let it shine ♪ * gonna let it shine *
I was getting down with this choir.
I'm from the South, so just seeing that brought me back home.
It was amazing.
♪ Let it shine ♪
♪ Let it... ♪
♪ shine ♪
Wow.
Yeah.
Thank you, miss Sylvia.
And the St. James Southern Voices of Victory.
Kimmie, you look at home.
Oh, that was so at home right there.
I asked this lovely group here today.
Because gospel music has its roots in the South, and today, each of you will be reinventing a classic Southern dish.
I'm a little worried, 'cause Southern cooking isn't really my style.
Yee-how!
But I got Kimmie next to me, like, going crazy.
Maybe this is Kimmie's time to carry the team.
Now...
As you can see, our wonderful choir are holding fans with their names on.
We have blue fans, and they have a Southern entree on the other side of that fan.
And purple fans have a Southern side dish.
Clear?
Yes, chef.
Barbie, who would you like to go up against in the blue team?
Clemenza, chef.
Both of you, step forward, please.
Come on, Barbie.
Clemenza is definitely a competitor.
He's been strong during the challenges, and I want to prove it to myself and to chef that I can take down Clemenza.
Barbie, pick a name.
Lady Ro.
♪ Catfish ♪
Yes!
Clemenza.
Sharon.
♪ Collard... ♪
♪ greens ♪
Catfish and collard greens dish.
That's going head-to-head.
What the is collard greens?
I'm baffled at this point in time.
In New York, we don't have collard greens.
Brian, who would you like to go against on the red team?
I'll take Kimmie.
Yeah!
Oh, yeah!
I'll take it.
I'm going big.
I want Kimmie because this is her style, and I want to beat her at her own game.
I want to beat the best.
Brian, you're picking first.
I will take...
Kenny!
♪ Pork chops ♪
Let's go with Kimmie, please.
Uh...
Christy, give it to me.
♪ Grits ♪
Yes!
Grits. 
I'm so stoked.
Ain't nobody got grits like mine, lemme tell ya.
Brian, you're gonna get reamed, dude.
Like, I'm gonna ream you.
Pork chop and grits.
Ooh-hoo.
Brian, good luck on that one.
Next up, Christina goes up against Justin.
For their entree, Christina selects... ♪ Fried chicken ♪
Nice. 
Thank you.
Thank you.
And for their side, Justin selects... ♪ Mac and cheese ♪
Oh, , that would've been nice.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, guys.
Okay.
Up last are Dana and Robyn.
Off you go.
Their entree will be... ♪ Meatloaf ♪
Thank you.
With a side of... ♪ Sweet potato ♪
Okay, good.
Back in line, please.
Well done.
Thank you so much.
Amazing.
Thank you so much.
Brought me home.
Okay.
It's now time for the Southern cuisine battle.
You will have 30 minutes, and your time starts...
Now...
Off you go.
In the Southern cuisine challenge, chef Ramsay is giving the chefs 30 minutes to reinvent a classic Southern entree and side.
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
Oh, I wanna do a hushpuppy.
He's looking for Southern flair...
Any chili powder?
Oh, there's your cajun seasoning.
Yeah.
With fine-dining finesse.
Kiss my grits.
All right, ladies, let's bust it out.
Ma, the meatloaf!
I don't know how I'm gonna reinvent meatloaf, but I better figure it out real damn quick.
Stupid meatloaf.
Is the fryer on?
Clemenza?
Yes.
Don't hate on me for breaking down this chicken like .
I never, ever make fried chicken, ever, ever, ever.
I definitely have my work cut out for me.
Anybody have any ideas for me?
While Justin pounds away, contemplating what to do with his chicken, over in the red kitchen,
Christina is considering her options as well.
I don't know if I should go skin-on or skin-off.
Skin-on, dude.
It'll be crispier, no?
Yeah.
I'm indecisive about leaving the skin on the chicken.
Typically, I would leave it on, but then I'm thinking, okay, the amount of time I have, is it gonna crisp up in the fryer?
I'm not real sure.
Did you put an egg in it?
In the fry... in the batter?
Yeah.
How many times have I ever cooked grits? 
Zero.
I've never made grits.
I don't know how to make them.
So I'm reading the box.
Three cups...
Four cups...
I don't even... this is...
some of this is in French.
Um, I don't understand.
Oh, you better get those on, bro.
Oh, I'm gonna get murdered on these grits.
Come on, Kimmie, this should be you.
Yes, chef.
I have to shine on this challenge.
I have to.
90 seconds to go.
Yes, chef.
Okay, it's time to go.
Please cook.
Robyn, make it count.
I know chef Ramsay... 
He always says I don't use enough spices.
So I decide I'm gonna put some nutmeg in there, some cinnamon...
I need salt.
And, of course I put the salt in there. 
I want to taste it.
30 seconds to go.
Yes, chef.
Damn.
I dropped my skin off.
I'm shaking so bad that I'm, like, knocking skin off of the chicken.
I just hope that I didn't ruin it.
Christina.
Yes, chef. 
I'm coming.
Five, four, three, two, one.
And serve.
To judge this challenge,
I've invited the editor and chief of the most critically-acclaimed food site on the Internet.
Please welcome Tanya Steel from Epicurious.
What? 
That's crazy.
Like, Epicurious is huge.
I'm like, how many forks is she gonna give my dish?
Let's start off with Clemenza...
Yes, chef.
And Barbie. 
Let's go.
Come on, Barbie.
Come on, Clemenza.
Barbie and Clemenza lead off the Southern cuisine challenge with their take on catfish and collard greens.
I did blackened catfish with bacon-braised collard greens.
Visually, I think it's very attractive.
And this is beautifully fried.
Thank you.
Great start.
Well done, Barbie.
. 
You know, she's getting some good compliments here.
Now I'm a little worried.
Clemenza, please.
We have New York-style catfish poor boy, also some bacon-braised collard greens.
Collard greens are very nice.
The bacon really comes through.
Catfish, I think, could've been cooked a little bit more.
It's a little bit undercooked.
Really? 
I looked at it, I didn't see what she was saying.
She should've had an orgasm in her mouth.
'Cause that was a beautiful sandwich.
Was there one dish in your mind that has an advantage?
Barbie's dish.
Yeah, Barbie.
Barbie.
Congratulations.
One-nil, to the ladies.
Yes!
I got a point for the red team!
And I beat Clemenza.
Whoo-hoo.
Next up, pork chop.
Kimmie and Brian, let's go.
I got a bangin'-ass plate, man.
I know Brian's about to go down with my plate.
Uh!
I have an oregano, panko-crusted pork chop.
The grits have cream, sauteed bacon...
Mm.
Monterey Jack cheese, and Swiss cheese as well.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Sounds incredible.
But, I mean, visually, looks slightly dull, anything else that came to mind, or...?
No, I just... that's how we eat it back home.
Of course, chef Ramsay always gives me criticism on my plating.
Dude, just taste the .
Wow.
The grits are delicious.
One of the best grits I've ever had.
I could eat just buckets full of that.
Pops in the mouth.
They loved Kimmie's dish.
So I've got my work cut out for me.
Brian, please.
What we have here is a Southern rubbed bone-in pork chop.
It's on top of buttermilk, brown sugar grits.
That's a very beautiful plate.
It just looks so appetizing.
Okay...
Oh, my God.
Undercooked.
Damn. 
What a shame.
Please don't eat that.
You cannot serve raw pork.
I almost honestly thought of grabbing the plate and throwing it against the wall.
I'm so ashamed of what I put up there.
Um, Tanya, I think I know which way you're going.
Yeah. 
Kimmie.
Good job, Kimmie.
Good job, Kimmie.
Kimmie, you made grits glamorous. 
Well done.
Thank you, chef.
Everybody loves my grits.
They're just amazing, like, how can you say no to grits from a Southern bitch?
With the red team up 2-0...
Next up, the battle of the fried chicken. 
Let's go.
Christina has a chance to clinch the victory.
I made a bacon gravy mac and cheese, and then a little fried kale chip on top.
What happened with the batter?
The batter's soggy.
What a shame.
'Cause you think of fried chicken, you think of the coating.
Exactly.
But her soggy chicken leaves an opening for Justin's buttermilk fried chicken with lobster mac and cheese.
Mm.
Mm.
Wow.
Wow, wow, wow.
That mac and cheese is beautiful.
Red or blue?
I think Justin.
Blue.
Thank you very much.
Good job.
Justin's tasteful dish keeps the blue team in the game.
2-1.
Last battle.
It is the meatloaf.
With the red team leading by one,
Robyn must get the point over Dana to force a tiebreaker.
I have an open-faced meatloaf sandwich.
I also made a sweet potato puree.
The nutmeg really comes out in this. 
Yummy.
Thank you.
Yes!
Didn't think I had that in me.
Mm.
I've got a huge hit of salt, though.
I need salt.
And it's a shame, because it looks fantastic.
Sorry, chef.
Damn, dude.
Hopefully Dana's dish sucks.
Dana, please.
What I have for you is a bacon-wrapped mini meatloaf.
You have the sweet potato puree, and a little bit of honey for some sweetness.
Visually, I mean, it's a very posh-looking meatloaf.
It is very posh.
Doesn't look posh to me.
It looks like two balls wrapped in bacon.
Oh, my God, that puree is so incredibly good.
I know I'm getting the point.
That meatloaf sandwich ain't got nothing on my mini meatloaves.
I can taste the meat.
A little overpowering.
A touch too much lamb in there.
Slightly gamy, isn't it?
Red or blue?
Bearing in mind, if it's blue, it's a draw.
We go to the strongest dish in each team.
If it's red, they win 3-1.
Oh, wow. 
It's down to you.
Please.
Boy, this is kind of hard.
In today's Southern cuisine challenge, the red team is up by one.
Boy, this is kind of hard.
A point for Robyn's meatloaf sandwich will force a tie, but a win for Dana's mini meatloaves will clinch the victory for the red team.
I have to go with my heart.
Red.
Yes!
Ladies, congratulations.
Yeah!
We finally won a reward!
We are off of our losing streak!
We are off!
Tanya...
From the winning team, which dish sticks out in your mind as the best?
I have to say, I think I'm gonna go with the meatballs.
Congratulations, Dana.
Your recipe and dish is gonna be featured on Epicurious.
Oh, my God.
And that is the most visited food site on the Internet.
Nice job, Dana.
It sucks. 
I was so close.
Red te, because you've won the challenge, you're also going to participate in a photo shoot with me and Tanya.
After the photo shoot, you'll be having the most amazing lunch at the beautiful Four Seasons in Beverly Hills.
Aah!
Wow.
We're going to Beverly Hills for lunch.
I'm so excited.
I'm hungry. 
I'm so hungry.
Tanya, thank you, my darling.
Thank you so much.
See you at the photo shoot.
Ladies and gentlemen, please.
Ladies...
Prepare to get pampered, because I have photographers arriving.
Get upstairs, and get changed.
Yeah, let's go.
Thank you, chef.
Yeah!
Whoo!
Blue team...
Your day will not be so easy.
You'll be prepping both kitchens ahead of tonight's dinner service.
And it's not an ordinary service.
It's an entire new menu.
A fine-dining take on Southern cuisine.
Also, we're making fresh bread, and hand-churning butter.
Oh, no. 
I really honestly don't want to do punishment.
You churn the butter, I'll eat the butter.
You know what I'm saying?
Everybody grab a churn, grab a stool, grab some cream, and start churning.
Ugh, making butter by hand.
You need to get this clay pot, and pour some milk in there, and move this stick up and down.
And it takes, like, forever.
I feel like the Amish.
We are Amish right now.
Bye, guys.
Oh, my God, they're making them churn butter.
Check you ladies out.
The red team cleans up pretty nice; 
They were looking good.
Come on.
While the blue team churns up a sweat...
Push, guys, come on, push.
The red team gets ready for their close-up.
I am so ready to finally get a little glammed up in Hell's Kitchen.
Feels good to be winning again.
Oh, my God.
I'm a total tomboy.
I don't wear makeup, I don't do my hair.
I don't need it.
I have natural beauty.
I don't need this glob of on my face.
But what the .
I'll do it.
Holy mackerel.
Look at this.
Don't they look amazing?
Like Charlie's Angels from the catering world.
Kimmie, you look great.
Thanks, chef.
Everybody just look at me.
Big smiles, everybody.
Look at Dana's face.
Like she just found a boyfriend for the first time.
The photo shoot was a lot of fun with chef.
He's really funny.
He kept us laughing so we were all smiles for the camera.
Awesome.
Bye, guys!
Make some yummy butter!
It's time to roll out.
While the red team heads off to the second part of their reward, the blue team...
Churning it fast, so we can get out the butter.
Is still laboring over the first part of their punishment.
If you lift the stick up, you'll feel it getting heavier and heavier.
Yeah, I feel it getting hard.
I'm almost there.
Come on, don't stop.+
I'll never churn my own butter ever again.
It is the worst thing in the world. 
It sucks.
Every inch of your arm hurts, and that's why people don't do it.
I am butter.
We got a lot more butter coming.
Butter, butter, we love butter.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, ho-ho.
That looks so good.
Let's dig in, ladies.
The Four Seasons is amazing.
The five-star service, the food.
It just feels great to get wined and dined.
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
I kind of feel like a queen.
My sweet potatoes were bangin'.
I'm kind of a big deal, dude.
That's really nice. 
Ooh.
Dana talks a big game.
And she's definitely full of herself.
And I'm tired of it.
Why are you staring at me?
Awkward.
Lotta balls.
Lotta balls, man.
Yup.
Churning butter was definitely hard, but now to roll
4,632-million little one-ounce balls of bread and bake them is just annoying.
Clemenza, stop eating it.
Relax.
No, don't tell me to relax.
That's why we keep losing.
Well, hey, hey, hey.
Hi, guys.
Come on this side, and you can play with my balls.
No, thank you.
Let's go, ladies.
All right, guys.
Girl, we got this.
I'm feeling confident about the red team in our ability to put food out tonight.
The blue team is looking like they're pretty tired, so as long as Barbie can check her bitch attitude at the door, we're gonna rock dinner service.
Let's go, ladies.
Yes, chef.
It's just moments before the doors open for a special dinner service featuring Southern cuisine.
Come on up, blue team.
Quick. 
Quick.
And chef Ramsay wants to make sure the chefs are ready for the challenge that lies ahead.
Okay.
Tonight, for the first time in Hell's Kitchen, we are doing the most amazing
Southern cuisine menu.
How unique is that?
Excited?
Yes, chef. 
Good.
At this point in the game, we should not be making careless mistakes.
Yes, chef.
Let's go, guys.
Everything's set up for you.
Kimmie...
If there's one person that should be absolutely key to the success of the red team tonight, it should be you.
Yes, chef.
I feel like there's a lot of pressure on me because I'm from the South, i'm the only one in the house from the South.
I mean, it's...
it's a lot of pressure.
This is what you pride yourself on, this style of cooking.
Yes, chef.
Try to inspire your team.
At this point, I'm slowly starting to freak out.
I'm nervous.
I have to shine.
I have to.
Kimmie, you can do this.
Let's go, Kimmie.
How long, Kimmie?
Oh, my God.
Hell's Kitchen is just moments away from opening for the first-ever Southern cuisine night...
Let's go, Kimmie.
Yes, chef.
This is what you pride yourself on, this style of cooking.
Yes, chef.
Try to inspire your team.
And one chef is feeling the pressure more than anyone else.
Kimmie, you can do this.
Kimmie, you're good?
Oh, my God.
I'm super stoked for tonight, 'cause this is what I do every day of my life.
But yet I'm nervous because I know chef Ramsay's gonna be watching me hardcore tonight.
So I'll just have to be ready and be on my game.
Uh, James.
Yes, chef?
Let's go, please.
Open Hell's Kitchen.
Yes, chef.
Tonight's diners arrive eager to sample chef Ramsay's Southern-themed cuisine.
Can I try the watermelon salad?
The pecan-crusted catfish.
And the fried chicken.
The special menu will feature a crab cake appetizer, a catfish entree, and, of course, the Southern staple of fried chicken.
Salud.
To a good meal.
Here we go, ladies.
Four couples waiting, table 30, two crab cakes, one shrimp, one watermelon salad.
Yes, chef.
How long?
Five minutes, chef.
Let's go.
Crab cakes? 
Come on. 
I mean, what could be easier than that?
Crab cake, where are they?
They're coming, chef, right now.
Let's go.
Yes, chef. 
They're walking.
Dana...
They're cooked nicely, Dana.
Thank you, chef.
Service, please.
With Dana getting the red team off to a solid start...
Shrimp salad's ready.
All right. 
Let's go.
A steady stream of appetizers makes its way to the dining room.
Go, please, John.
This is excellent.
This is really, really good.
Impressive.
Meanwhile, in the blue kitchen...
An order.
Two oysters, two crab cakes.
Yes, chef!
Chef Ramsay is looking for Justin on appetizers, and Brian on fish to match the excellent start in the red kitchen.
How long?
Two minutes, chef.
In the past, I up on the fish station.
But I'm going to show the oysters I'm big daddy.
Game on.
Crab cakes behind you.
Oysters, where are they?
Walking.
Come on!
They're cooked to .
I mean, it's like a ball of snot.
Blue team, hey, come here, you.
All of you.
Just touch them.
Touch them. 
Touch them.
Look how cooked they are.
It's like they're bullets.
Solid bullets.
They look hard, overdone, not attractive whatsoever.
It looks like something a rabbit out.
Speed up!
Dropped more right now.
Damn it.
Why did I do that?
Uh, you idiot, Brian.
Idiot.
Oysters walking.
Here, chef.
Brian...
They're perfect.
Thank you.
Uh, thank God.
Good, good, good, good.
Everything's okay.
Service, please.
But from now on, I need to whip ass.
All day, all night.
Whip ass, all the time.
Come on, keep it up.
The blue team has recovered from Brian's stumble on oysters.
Mmm!
And the red team...
Go, please.
Has completed their appetizers with ease.
Two catfish, two chicken, two meatloaf.
Now, Kimmie on fish, and Christina on meat, are looking to do the same on entrees.
How long?
How long you need?
I need four minutes.
Four minutes is good for me.
We're all communicating...
Barbie, are you with her?
Yes.
And now it's my time to shine, so I'm about to rock this .
Garnish, chef.
Chef, walking with two chicken.
Catfish.
Walking now, chef.
Let's go.
On your back, on your back.
Come on, let's go.
burnt.
me.
Our first table, do you know what I mean? 
Yeah.
Kimmie.
Uh, that's burned there.
Yes, chef.
That's burnt.
Got you in three minutes, chef.
That's burned.
Got you in three minutes, chef!
Give me your best!
Yes, chef.
Catfish.
It's not that hard.
And you supposed to be from the South.
You cannot cook. 
Period.
This is up.
It's all right, Kimmie, push through.
Come on, Kimmie, please!
I got the refire coming right now, chef.
While Kimmie starts over on her first order of catfish...
The blue team...
An order. 
Entree.
Three catfish, one chicken.
Yes, chef!
Has also moved on to entrees, led by Robyn on meat, and Brian on fish.
How long on the catfish, Brian?
Three minutes.
Dinner service started off rough, so now, I'm just trying to do anything I possibly can to make everything go smooth.
Catfish. 
It's ready.
Behind.
Garnish. 
Come on, you.
Right here, chef.
Comin' in. 
This pan's hot.
Right here, chef.
me.
Burnt one side.
Hey, all of you, come here!
Yeah, come here.
Look. 
No color, and look, burnt.
Really, dude?
It's a piece of fish.
Like, I mean, come on.
Step it up a little bit.
Come here.
Just take a bite of that.
Just take a bite.
Eat it, you .
How does it taste?
Tastes like fish, chef.
Excuse me?
Smart ass.
You want to be funny now, do you?
No.
Yeah.
You're such a .
Brian, really?
Right now is not the time to crack jokes, bro.
Get out.
me. 
Get out.
in' idiot.
Serious, man?
It was a mistake of epic proportions.
I did not mean to be a smart ass.
"Tastes like fish." What a .
Just the first thing that came to my head.
What are you doing?
Go back in there and fight.
Chef Ramsay wants a fighter.
He doesn't want somebody to be a wimp.
No. 
He doesn't want someone to crack.
No, I'm not.
So get back in there, and fight.
Thank you.
I'm not gonna let chef Ramsay down, there's no way.
I'm gonna jump back on my station and fight.
What do we got working?
Hey, you. 
Hey, come here, you face.
What're you doing here?
I'm not done!
Don't shout at me.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna ask you one more time.
You give me a answer, that jacket's coming off, and you're going through that door, home.
Yes, chef.
How did that fish taste?
Yeah, so why'd you give it to me?
Burnt.
I didn't see the bottom, chef.
I didn't see the bottom.
It's not gonna happen again.
While Brian may have talked his way back into the kitchen, the blue team has completely stalled on entrees.
And diners are getting very hungry and very unhappy.
Meanwhile, in the red kitchen...
Two catfish.
How long?
A minute and a half, chef!
Kimmie makes a second attempt at her initial order of catfish.
Dana, did you get that fish spatula back?
I gave it to you.
Two chicken.
This is ridiculous without a fish spatula.
Kimmie, urgently!
Coming now, chef, coming now.
This is up.
Whoa.
You okay, Kimmie?
Face is on fire, dude.
The oil popped up outta the pan, burnt one side of my face really bad.
Dying on two catfish.
Walking now, chef.
But I gotta make sure that this fish goes out right, or I'm .
There you go.
Good. 
Let's go.
Good job, girls, good job.
With Kimmie's catfish making the grade...
Service, please.
Entrees are finally making their way out to excited diners.
Catfish is really good.
Meanwhile, in the blue kitchen...
Two catfish, one chicken.
How long?
Two minutes, chef.
Chef Ramsay is hoping Robyn and Brian can successfully deliver their first table of entrees as well.
Come on, Brian!
Yes, chef.
Are you walking with garnish?
Yes, one minute.
One minute?
Sometimes my brain gets the best of me, but I don't make the same mistake twice.
So, now, I better have a good piece of fish.
Or I'm in deep .
Catfish is ready.
Cat go with the chicken?
Yes.
Josh, help me walk garnish up, please.
Let's go.
Excuse me.
Right behind.
Good. 
Let's go.
We got it now, guys.
We've had a rough start, but now we're rockin' and rollin'.
me.
The chicken is raw.
All of you!
All of you!
That's you, you !
Chicken. 
It comes up.
Raw.
Raw!
Robyn, really?
It's pink, it's still bleeding.
Come on, get it right.
Robyn, really? 
Really?
Raw!
It's an hour into dinner service, and thanks to Robyn...
Chicken. 
It comes up, and it's raw.
Raw!
The blue team's entrees are stopped once again at the pass.
Hey, comedian.
Crack a joke now.
I dare you.
I have nothing funny to say, chef.
Start again.
Blue team needs to wake the up.
Listen, do you need help right now? 
Let me help you.
Yes.
Clemenza, how long?
Gimme two minutes.
I had to redo all your garnish twice.
I just need a time, I don't need an explanation, please.
I need two minutes, that's what I need!
Thank you. 
That's it.
That's all I need to hear.
I don't need your sarcasm either.
While the blue team seems to be falling apart... tell me you don't need an explanation.
Get some chicken, and make sure it's cooked.
I know.
Back in the red kitchen...
Three catfish, one chicken away.
How long?
I can walk on two chicken.
I can walk on two catfish.
Are you good on garnish, Barbie?
I'm good.
The women seem to be coming together on entrees.
Barbie!
Garnish. 
Let's go.
Yes, chef.
Because of Kimmie, we got behind.
Walking.
Walking with chicken.
So, now, everybody has to be on point.
And I'm gonna make sure that one of those people is me.
Hey, all of you, stop.
Taste that.
me. 
Really?
Just taste it.
Taste it.
And tell me what it needs.
Ugh. 
Salt.
We can't season food.
Just look at the state of you.
Barbie, she up again, like she has in eight other services.
Barbie, go home.
We don't want you here.
I'm taking the mac and cheese on this side.
Dude, finish what you're doing.
Okay.
While the red team suffers another setback on their second table of entrees...
Could we get past the second ticket tonight?
In the blue kitchen...
Three chicken, one catfish.
How long?
Chef Ramsay is still looking for some form of an update.
Any news? 
Uh...
Any, uh... any time?
Yeah, it's coming right now, chef.
One chicken's coming.
I need to bounce back for my team.
I'm better than raw chicken.
Much better.
I'm not gonna be the weakest link.
I mean, me.
Hey.
Really?
You, you, you, you, come here.
Hey, look. 
Raw.
Do I really have to serve that?
Madness!
Get out.
Don't kick them out, chef, just kick me out.
Listen.
Yes, chef.
Don't you dare tell me what to do.
Yes, chef.
You, you, you, you, off.
!
hate this damn chicken.
Get out!
We are here.
It's gonna be a while till we see any food at our table.
Right.
We gotta do the walk of shame again.
I'm embarrassed, I'm mortified.
I don't want to go.
You... you panicked.
That's the problem.
You were just...
You were all over.
You got me nervous.
With diners waiting, and no chefs in the blue kitchen, chef Ramsay is desperate to get some good news in the red kitchen.
Two catfish, two chicken.
How long?
How long you need, Christina? 
Talk to me.
Yeah, I'm ready.
Walking with garnish.
Walking with chicken.
Walking now.
Chef Ramsay is, like, really pissed off right now.
So, we gotta bring it.
If not, we're screwed.
Come on, guys.
Stop.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Oh, .
I could cry.
I could just...
I could just cry.
!
Stop!
Come here, you.
Let me show you something.
I've got raw...
Raw catfish there.
Oh...
Then there's burnt there.
What're you thinking, Kimmie?
This is not happening. 
No!
You, you, you, you, get out!
You're a disgrace!
!
Hey. 
There. 
Touch.
That's the raw bits!
Yeah, I see it, chef.
I see it.
disgrace!
Get out!
Both teams got off to a commendable start, but nearly two hours into dinner service...
Get out!
The blue team has completely melted down.
We're never gonna get fed here tonight.
And now Kimmie's catastrophic catfish...
Raw!
Has chef Ramsay completely frustrated.
Get out!
You're a disgrace!
Get out!
We didn't complete service because of that fish station.
It was supposed to be Kimmie's time to shine.
Like, ugh, I don't get it.
I don't unders... mm.
You too?
yeah, we did.
And it's all my fault 'cause I'm from the South.
Right?
This is my first service that I up this bad.
This is the first service I up.
And I know there's a lot on my shoulders, 'cause I'm from the South.
Come on. 
Don't worry.
We know you got heart.
I had a lot of pressure on me.
I just feel like I fought.
And I'll fight to stay here because I know I deserve to be here.
After a horrific service, chef Ramsay has sent chef Scott...
Where is everybody?
Right here, chef.
To gather the teams.
I need everybody right now.
Downstairs, let's go.
Yes, chef.
I don't know what's going on.
Chef Ramsay might send every one of us home.
Yep.
Yep.
Stay there. 
Stay there.
Trust me, Scott, Andi, and I will finish the service.
Let me tell you that.
That was shocking!
I can't take anymore.
Do me a big favor...
Each of you.
Have a good chat.
Based on tonight's service, come up with one individual from each team that should be leaving Hell's Kitchen tonight.
And I hope to hell all of you are feeling like .
Yes, chef.
Pathetic.
All of you, upstairs.
Get out of here.
Dinner service was disgusting, once again.
Just dumb mistakes.
It's really frustrating.
We need to figure out who's the weakest link on the team.
That's the bottom line.
Coming up raw chicken.
Raw chicken.
Twice.
Honestly, between you and Brian tonight,
I was going ballistic.
I wanted you to get out of dinner service 'cause honestly, I can put up so many times
I've been put up so many times over the last couple of nights... face, shut the up for a second.
What?
I just want to say yes.
Tonight I sent out raw chicken.
But I didn't get kicked out of the kitchen.
Brian did.
damn it.
While the blue team debates their weakest link,
Christina...
I'm voting for Kimmie.
Has made a quick decision.
We couldn't get any further into the night.
I understand that, but I got oil splashed in my face.
And did I leave?
No, I kept cooking.
This is the first time I've messed up in service.
And Barbie slacks off and up all the time.
She's not consistent.
Barbie should be the next to go.
I'm gonna vote for Barbie.
She doesn't communicate with anybody, and she always brings us down, dude, just sucks.
No, this heifer didn't.
I know Kimmie's not gonna vote for herself, but she knows she's wrong.
Whatever.
The catfish brought the kitchen to a screeching halt, not the kale.
So I have no words for Kimmie, 'cause I'm not leaving tonight.
I'm sure of that.
My thing is this...
And I'm struggling with the fact that I have to think about, like, who I would want on my team, and I think that Kimmie's a better team player.
But if I vote for Barbie, then we're in deadlock.
I don't know what to do.
After a dismal service, where all of the chefs were rejected from the kitchen, chef Ramsay has asked for just one nominee from each team.
What a disappointment.
On a night when we were doing simple Southern cuisine...
It all went South.
Congratulations.
Dana.
Yes, chef.
Who is the red team's nominee?
The red team's nominee is...
Kimmie, chef.
Kimmie.
Why?
We couldn't move forward because the fish just halted everything.
Blue team.
Justin.
Yes, chef.
Who is it, and why?
Robyn, chef.
She couldn't focus on the dish, and it was one raw chicken after the next raw chicken.
And it just seemed like things were all over it.
Robyn, Kimmie, step forward, please.
Uh, Robyn.
Yes, chef.
Why should you stay in Hell's Kitchen?
I'm not ready to go, chef.
I'm not ready to go.
I lost focus 'cause of the chicken.
It me tonight, chef.
The chicken didn't you, you the chicken.
Kimmie, if there was one service that I really thought you were gonna shine, it was tonight.
What happened?
The catfish, chef, I just...
I lost control of it.
But this is the first time I've been up for elimination, i've been fighting, I'm here to fight, and I don't think I deserve to go home, chef.
And do you think you're better than Robyn?
Yes, chef.
I think I have more passion than her.
I have more drive than her, I have more fight-back than her, and I think I can cook better than her.
And do you think that you're better than Kimmie?
Yes, I do, chef.
I'm letting my head me up, chef.
This is a competition.
Not therapy.
I know it's not therapy.
I want to be your head chef.
That's why I came here.
I want to stay here so bad.
I'm not ready to leave Hell's Kitchen yet, chef.
I'm not.
This is a very difficult decision for me.
Let me tell you.
And so far, the hardest one.
The person leaving Hell's Kitchen is...
Robyn...
Back in line.
Kimmie, gimme your jacket.
Young lady, you're not ready for Gordon Ramsay's Steak.
I'm sorry.
Big heart, love the passion, but you are not ready.
Thank you.
I love you guys.
Love you, Kimmie.
I'm disappointed in myself.
It was not my time to go, by any means.
Definitely Barbie should be going home right now.
You know, she's been up five or six times.
This is the first time I've ever been up there.
And I have so much fight, and I've learned so much.
And I thought I was going to the top,
I thought I was gonna be his head chef, and I guess I just didn't accomplish that.
All of you,
I am so pissed off.
What a embarrassment.
I've got one important question for you all.
Are you ready to fight back?
Yes, chef!
Show me. 
And hurry up.
Get out of here.
I need to focus on myself now, and protect myself, because you know what?
The only person I really trust here is me.
Mac and cheese and fried chicken.
I mean, do me a favor.
Robyn definitely has a lot to prove.
She's gotta bounce back next service.
She's gotta be flawless.
Otherwise, she's going home.
At this stage of the game, I'm not scared of anyone.
I've had to watch my back since this entire competition started.
I'm not gonna stop now.
11 people down, 6 more people to go.
As a woman from Memphis, tonight's Southern cuisine menu should've been an easy walk in the park for Kimmie, but it turned out to be a difficult uphill battle, and that is why it was her time to go.

Previously on Royal Pains...
Evan and I have reached an impasse in our differences over Hankmed.
So, we've decided to... suspend our partnership.
- Hank quit.
- It's not that simple.
But not to worry.
I'm gonna keep Hankmed running.
With the help of my new doctor.
Okay, make it 10%, and you got yourself a concierge doctor.
Dr. Sacani...
Wow. 
Impressive.
Gentlemen, welcome to Hankmed 2.0.
Hank, the park is full of people.
Evan.
Evan.
Evan Lawson!
Ernie, Ernie!
Hey. 
We're all okay, Jill.
Just scrapes and bruises.
Have you seen Evan?
He was at his booth just before the explosion.
I'm gonna take Ernie to triage, all right?
Be careful. 
Good luck finding him.
Oh, you gotta go the other way.
We're still working hot spots down there.
- I'm a doctor.
- Been a propane explosion, we haven't secured all the tanks yet.
- The park isn't safe.
- I still want to help.
All right, give him your jacket.
- Thank you.
- Go.
I'm a doctor.
My name is Hank. 
Where's the pain?
No, I'm... 
I'm not in pain.
I can't find my shoe.
Oh.
All right, take off the other shoe, and go.
It's not safe here.
She seems okay, just a little disoriented.
- Yeah. 
Come on.
- What happened?
Evan?
- Evan.
- No, Tim.
Listen, we're gonna get you out, Tim.
There's a man stuck in here.
Aah!
I'm a paramedic. 
I'm here to help.
Okay, I need an inflatable tourniquet.
Just gimme the BP cuff. 
I can use that.
Okay, we got hemostasis. 
Good.
I need trauma shears. 
Good.
And an intraosseous line kit, and an IV setup with normal saline.
And get a rotary saw.
Listen to me, Tim, you're losing blood.
You need IV fluids, and the only vein I can get to is in your arm, but your arm is broken.
I need to go through the bone in your leg.
It's gonna hurt, but it's gonna save your life.
Okay, gimme the IO. 
Good.
Okay. 
Tim, get ready.
You're gonna feel some pain.
I'm advancing through the periosteum.
Okay, Tim, we're almost there.
Removing the trocar.
10 CC syringe.
Okay, I'm aspirating.
Okay, good, we've got blood returned.
Gimme a 10 CC flush. 
Thank you.
Okay, we're there. 
Gimme the line.
Okay, good.
We got flow.
Okay, good, we're ready.
Cut the pipe and get me the airbag.
Hoist it.
Okay, good.
All right, good. 
I need a phily collar and a longboard.
Good. 
Put the longboard right there at his feet.
All right, Tim, I'm gonna stabilize your head, and apply the collar, don't move.
All right, let's log roll him.
One, two, three.
- All right, all right.
- Okay, good.
- Let's slide the board in.
- Got it.
All the way in.
One, two, three.
All right.
Good. 
All right, let's pull him out.
Let's go. 
Pull, pull, pull.
Easy, easy, easy, watch his head.
- Keep pulling'.
- That's it.
'Scuse me.
Okay, I got a radial pulse.
Your blood pressure's stabilizing, you're gonna be okay.
Let's get him to the hospital.
I thought your being here, your coming home finally, meant that you had changed your mind, that you are ready to follow your father's wishes.
You know that I can't do that.
I want us to have a relationship.
Like we used to.
I miss you so much.
Your father wouldn't understand, he'd be furious.
He wouldn't have to know.
No. 
It's not right.
Those are the types of lies that got you into this position in the first place.
Is this what you want, mum?
Please don't ask me to go against your father's wishes.
If it is the only way that we can have any contact, then wouldn't that end justify the means?
No. 
It wouldn't.
I'm sorry.
Hey, Ernie, you good?
- Good.
- Evan's over there.
Evan, are you okay?
- Evan, were you burned?
- Hank.
Wha... 
I can't... 
I'm s... 
I can't hear... there's ringing in my ears.
I can't hear anything.
Okay, uh, where's the silvadene?
He doesn't need silvadene.
Here, look closer.
Ink and glue.
Non-permanent tattoos.
He fell face-first into a pile of 'em.
Temporary tattoos?
Oh...
Evan, you're okay.
Still ringing.
Right. 
Ringing is good.
Yeah, and there's no perforation of the eardrum.
Oh. 
Uh, good. 
He's... he's my brother.
- I don't believe we've met.
- Oh, uh...
Jeremiah Sacani.
You new to Hamptons Heritage?
I'm new to Hankmed.
And you are?
Hank.
What?
Royal Pains 4x02 
- Imperfect Storm Original air date June 13, 2012
Thanks for the lift.
Especially since you must be exhausted.
Yeah, I'm just glad everyone seems to be okay.
Surprised at how okay Evan is.
It's been a little more than one day, and he's hired two doctors.
I don't know whether to be resentful or impressed.
Well, you guys did agree to go your own ways.
Yeah, I just didn't think he'd move this fast.
Maybe he feels like he's got something to prove.
Hm.
Was that someone on your porch?
Hank, there have been a few break-ins in the neighborhood.
Hello.
Luke?
Luke, is that you?
Hi, aunt Jill.
What're you doing here?
I had nowhere else to go.
Okay, now with both eyes, do you still see two fingers?
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
Who gets kicked out of chess camp after one day?
No, I'm sorry.
Who gets kicked out of chess camp for fighting?
You know, things happen.
Luke, you've never been in a fight in your life, and now some kid punches you?
And what happened to him?
Does it matter, aunt Jill?
But they kick you out without even a call to your father or me?
Okay.
I'm gonna call Ernie to let him know that Luke is okay.
Don't worry. 
I'll calm him down.
Okay, now follow my fingers with your eyes.
Left, right, down, up. 
How many now?
Still two.
Okay, good.
While the guy landed a pretty nice shot, you have no evidence of a blowout fracture, or any serious eye injury.
You may have periocular swelling and discoloration, but your eye should be fine.
You... you still have that cold?
It's my chronic sinusitis.
Are you taking anything?
Over-the-counter stuff. 
Why?
Well, your pupils are dilated, you're trembling, and your heart's racing.
What's the medicine called?
I don't know.
"Cold and sinus" something.
I take it every four hours.
Okay.
What, you don't think I'm on drugs, do you?
Look at me. 
I go to chess camp.
Dude, you got kicked out of chess camp.
Just fill this up.
You're totally wasting your time.
And my urine.
Urine already is waste.
Fill it, grand master.
I'm not suggesting you guys memorize my manifesto, or, um, mission statement.
Okay, good. 
It's 16 pages.
Uh...
I see a couple of run-on sentences here.
A, uh, dangling participle, and, uh, right here... is a, uh, split infinitive.
Ah-ha.
Well, Jeremiah, I promise you that, uh, what it lacks in good grammar it more than makes up for in vision, and in passion.
Guys, look at this. 
Look at me.
I left this Hankmed tattoo on my face just to show how passionate I am.
You couldn't get it off, could you?
- Try rubbing alcohol.
- Or acetone.
Okay, thanks, guys.
This is actually a waste of your talent, so why don't we just get back to our business, shall we?
Good.
Since Dr. Sacani needs to familiarize himself with the files of Hankmed retainer patients, Dr. Van Dyke is gonna handle all house calls for now.
I made schedules, they're in the binders, under... under "schedules."
Hey. 
Uh, morning.
Hey, yeah.
You know Dr. Van Dyke, and you met Dr. Sacani.
I did.
Evan, uh, when you're done with your meeting, can we talk?
We, uh... we just finished the meeting.
So, uh, yeah.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
Good talk.
You know, Evan, it occurs to me that your brother is a doctor.
Yup.
Whose name is Hank.
That's right, Jeremiah.
Uh, it's actually a long story, which I will tell you.
Um... at another time.
Just thought we'd get, uh, an early start.
You know, uh...
Listen, last night...
what happened out there, what almost happened to you, it gave me some much-needed perspect...
I'm sorry, is that tattoo still on your face?
I know. 
Rubbing alcohol or acetone, right?
Yeah, those are good, or something a little gentler.
Come here, sit down.
- I'm afraid.
- Don't be.
- Olive oil?
- Yep, that's right, my friend.
Okay, and... there you go. 
Good as new.
All gone.
Thanks.
It was hard to take you seriously.
So, um, as I was... as I was saying... while business is important, nothing is more important than us.
I'm just so happy you're okay.
Thank you.
And yes, I completely agree.
Whatever happens work-wise, we can't let that get in the way of this.
No, we can't.
Who says we can't divide our old business in an equitable and civil way?
- Yeah.
- Right?
Yeah, like a...
like a really friendly divorce.
- Yeah.
- You know, where the couple
- stays best friends.
- Exactly!
Oh, my God, this is awesome.
This is equitable and civil?
- Yeah!
- I love it. 
Okay.
- Okay.
- Um, let's do this.
- Yeah.
- Right now.
- Sure.
- All right.
Here we go.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Let's talk assets.
Okay, let's talk assets.
I'll take all the business clients.
Only because I imagine you want to take all the individual clients.
- Yeah, sure, that sounds fair.
- Good. 
Yes.
Check, check. 
This is so easy it's crazy.
I knew it would be. 
What else?
I would like to keep the name "Hankmed."
Huh.
If that's okay.
Sure.
And I'd like to keep the name "Hank," if that's okay.
That is so yours. 
Okay, check. 
Wow.
Uh, speaking of checks, I'm gonna put together the nicest, fattest severance package for you.
Oh, thank you, but that won't be necessary.
One second.
Hankmed, how can I make... y... oh, actually, he does not work here anymore.
- But how can I...
- Um...
Yes. 
Hold on one sec.
Some woman said she saw you at Harborfest last night, that you helped her with her shoe?
Right, yes, so, I guess that makes her...
A pre-existing individual patient, okay.
Here you go.
Hello, this is Hank.
Uh-huh.
Okay, sure, yeah, I'll see you then.
- You know what that was?
- What?
That was us surviving our first "mine or yours" call.
- Yes, it was.
- Oh, my God.
This is the best idea ever.
I'm so happy I didn't blow up last night.
Yeah, me too.
It is so great to see you two back together again.
Divya. 
Yeah. 
Equitable and civil.
Okay.
Well, I had a personal matter which kept me up so late that I overslept, so, I apologize for...
- Did you just text me?
- Yeah.
Yes, I know I'm late.
I was explaining t...
I'm not making excuses. 
I...
I am not! 
I... stop texting me!
I told you that I had a long night.
When I got your text, I thought it was a typo.
Since when do we have Hankmed meetings so early in the morning?
Wait a minute, I'm sorry.
You texted Divya about your staff meeting?
Why wouldn't I?
You guys aren't back together again.
No. 
Well, to start, she's my physician assistant.
- I am?
- No.
Divya works for Hankmed.
I do?
Don't you think that maybe one of you should consult me about what I want?
Of... of course we should.
Of course we should. 
Sorry.
Tell him, Divya.
Yes, tell me that you work for me.
Actually...
I won't be working for either one of you.
Come here. 
Come on.
Hi.
Hey.
Come on.
Today, I'm the luckiest girl in Easthampton.
I don't even have a colorist I've got confidence in out here, let alone a doctor.
And then I find a brochure folded up in the back pocket of my shorts with your number.
Oh, you want some lemonade? 
It's homemade.
Uh, no, thanks.
- This is quite a house.
- Oh, yeah.
My family and I used to come here when I was little.
Haven't been back since, but some of my favorite memories took place under this shingled roof.
So, when I saw it on the market this spring,
I just snatched it up.
We'd spend the summers here, all ten of us,
I'm... 
I'm the baby.
Six brothers, one sister.
They used to all kind of take care of me.
- Come on, baby.
- Hey, now.
But now they're just spread across the universe.
The universe?
Oh, um, I have a brother who paid to go to a space station on one of those Russian rocket ship things.
Ah.
Yeah, but this is the best place for a big family reunion, especially since we don't reunion much.
But, uh, with this house, I'm gonna change that.
Everyone's coming this summer.
I can't wait.
That's great.
Uh, so, this whole thing is yours?
Well, for now, but I've got a lot of friends.
Whoa.
I was gonna rescue one, but then I saw them all looking at me with those sad little eyes, and, I mean, I couldn't just pick one,
- so, I... 
I took them all.
- Yes, you did.
But all my friend-friends are back home.
So, what seems to be the trouble?
Okay, well, I've been an absolute wreck after what happened last night.
Between the smoke, and the fire, and God knows what else was burning, I...
I... 
I can't even imagine how many toxic fumes I inhaled.
Okay, well, let me take a look.
No singed nasal hairs.
I feel like my insides are corroding.
Really? 
Okay. 
Um...
Open up.
- Say, "ah." 
- Ahh...
Okay, your throat's clear.
Lean forward, please.
Breathe in and out.
Again.
Well, lungs clear.
And no evidence of respiratory distress.
That's good news.
No, I... 
I know you're the doctor and all, but I... 
I would feel a lot better if I got a chest CT.
Hollister, based on what I just saw, a CT isn't necessary.
Well, people do it all the time on Grey's Anatomy.
Yes, but those people have serious, fictional medical problems.
You, on the other hand, are fine.
Okay, well, either I've got something you've missed, or I've just wasted your time.
That's my job. 
Think of me like one of your dogs.
I come when you call.
Well, then you're not like my dogs at all.
You don't have to leave.
Um, actually, I was reading at your booth at Harborfest about retainer clients.
How does it work, exactly?
Oh, right, uh, well... why don't I give you an agreement, and you can read all about it?
Of course, the one thing I don't have in my bag.
Um, you know what?
I'll just have my business partner person get back to you with one, okay?
Uh, what's their name?
Uh, I'll just drop one off myself. 
Okay?
I'm sorry about all the craziness with Evan, and Hankmed, and you getting caught in the middle.
Thank you for saying that.
And thank you... thank you for the flowers.
Wow.
That's quite a... a... who gave you those?
Me.
Of course he did.
Yours are, uh, adorable, though. 
Really.
Thank you.
It's nice to see, with everything you guys have going on, that you are thinking of me.
But I have things that I need to sort out as well.
Which is what I was trying to do until you showed up at my house.
Uninvited.
Right, sorry. 
We'll get going.
Yeah. 
You have your own life, so...
Well, we're here, um, though.
We would love to figure out the P-A of it all.
I can't work for both of you.
I have tried doing two jobs before, and we all know how that worked out.
Yeah, but we both want to work with you.
Yeah.
So, you gotta pick one of us.
Me or him. 
Or me.
Come on, guys.
I mean, that's an impossible choice.
Fine. 
Fine, fine.
If I have to pick one...
I'll need more time.
Of course, of course.
And look, if you want to talk about your own stuff...
I'm here. 
We're both here, I guess.
And in the meantime, we promise to leave you alone to make the right choice.
Mm.
Guys!
Right, sorry.
- We're on our way.
- We're on our way.
Good girl.
Wow. 
Those dogs have a nice life.
They didn't always, but they deserve one now.
I'm sorry, who are you?
Evan R. Lawson, CEO of Hankmed.
You called. 
How can I help you?
I... 
I called Hank, hoping he may have changed his mind about a chest CT.
I've been coughing.
Yes, that's actually my number now.
He probably changed his, but I can tell you he does not change his mind.
I work for Hankmed, though.
It's a different concierge medicine business.
So, there's a "Hank," and a "Hankmed"?
Yes, it's a long story, but was there something not done to make you feel better today?
You know when you know something's wrong, but the people who are supposed to know don't?
You need a second opinion.
Well, Hollister, you could be the healthiest person I've seen in a long time.
I was afraid you'd say that.
Uh, yes, I can see why that would be disappointing.
So you can't give me a chest CT?
- Well, I could, but...
- Hank... thought it was unnecessary.
Yeah. 
Makes sense.
Um, Hollister, listen, the radiation from a chest CT may be extremely minimal, but it does exist, and you'll likely get the same diagnosis.
Also, it's very expensive.
How expensive?
I mean, not as expensive as a full-body CT, of course...
Wait, there's a full-body CT?
I can't believe they got this machine here so fast.
Yup. 
Money moves mountains.
Welcome to concierge medicine.
Full-body CTs are awesome.
I feel better already.
That's great. 
We're very happy for you.
Only this isn't a treatment, it's a diagnostic tool.
Well, whatever it is, it's working.
Good.
How is it working?
It's not.
So, she's... she's crazy?
She wouldn't be the first person to be cured by a test.
Sometimes patients just need to feel like the doctor's doing something.
Placebo effect.
So, Ernie, how is it having Luke back?
Considering I didn't want him in chess camp in the first place, I'd say I'm taking it pretty well.
Well, we know you're taking that part well.
- What about the other part?
- Oh.
When I called the camp to find out what happened,
I got a little surprise.
Guess who didn't get kicked out.
Turns out he ran away.
Really?
Did... did Luke say why?
Yeah, he wouldn't talk about it with Ernie or me.
Kid never tells me anything.
Well, I need to give Luke his test results.
Maybe he'll talk to me.
Yeah, good luck with that.
And the results?
Everything's normal.
Good. 
Good.
Well, I guess I'm done here. 
Thanks, doc.
And I will, uh, see you guys later.
- Okay.
- Bye, Ernie.
I am so relieved to hear that Luke's test came back okay.
- Yeah.
- I wish...
I could give your business the same clean bill of health.
I thought you were gonna get me a new business number, some interviews...
Well, I did, but Hank,
I've also been going through the books, and you have bigger problems than staffing.
If you don't get some capital soon, you're not gonna be hiring anyone.
It's that bad?
Well, Hank, remember, you're building a brand-new business.
You have to buy your own equipment, build an infrastructure...
You need a steady flow of new patients like Evan used to bring in.
Your new business has no money.
Okay.
You can do this.
You can do this.
Hi, this is Hank. 
Well, Dr. Lawson.
Dr. Hank Lawson.
I... 
I... 
I... 
I... 
I...
I have a new phone number. 
Yes, I do.
And, uh, when... when you get this message, you can... you can just call me back on that new phone number because... because I have some exciting new programs.
They're exciting, and they're new, and you are gonna wanna hear about 'em so much that you're gonna call me back to find out about them.
Uh, so, that...
that new phone number is 6...
Yes.
10:00 sounds great.
Yeah. 
No, no, we're gonna leave a little extra time, since you're my new patient.
My pleasure.
Good morning, doctor.
Hi, Evan.
Come on in.
Here you go.
Th... no, no, no.
These are... these are your copies of the corporate retainer client files.
Oh, I got 'em.
You... memorized all the files?
Yes.
So, if I asked you which patient had a tuberculosis scare, but it turned out to just be a rash... 987-67-2104.
What?
I memorized the patients' social security numbers.
See, there are a lot of Johns and Davids and Marys, but each one of them has their own unique identifiers.
Right.
But they're not gonna want to be called by their own unique identifier.
They're... they're gonna want to be called John, David, or Mary.
I see.
In that case, this will take more time.
Yeah, well, you really don't have to memorize...
Hey. 
How's it going?
Good. 
Just breaking in the new staff.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
That is some doctor you hired.
Okay.
The man's new to concierge medicine.
He will get his sea legs.
He needs a little time, that's all.
No, no, I wasn't criticizing him.
I looked Dr. Sacani up online.
I wanted to make sure he was legit.
Top of his class at Johns Hopkins.
Johns Hopkins, yeah.
Published a groundbreaking study
- in The New England Journal.
- Groundbreaking.
His resume's impressive.
His resume is impressive. 
That's right.
Can't wait for our patients to meet his resume.
Your eye's gotten a little more black and blue, but that's normal.
Okay, Hank, it is really hard to see the board with that thing in my eye.
Oh, I'm so sorry my exam is interfering with your chess game.
I'm done. 
Now, how 'bout you tell me what happened?
- Oh, I nabbed your bishop.
- Thanks. 
I meant at camp.
It's your move.
Luke, your aunt's worried about you.
And so am I.
Okay.
Okay. 
There was this girl.
Last month, she asked me to take the SATs for her.
You know that's illegal.
Yes, officer. 
Your move.
How'd you even take them for a girl?
Her name is Alex.
But the day of the test, I wanted to back out.
- I got really nervous.
- Hm.
But then Alex convinced me to do it.
She did? 
How?
So, I took it.
But during the test, my mind went blank; 
I forgot everything.
Must've been the nerves.
Totally screwed up.
And when Alex got her scores, she was pissed.
She cornered me at chess camp, and well, uh... bam.
You said that when you took the test for the girl, you were really nervous, do you get nervous a lot?
No, not usually. 
I also don't usually break the law.
Your move.
You seem really nervous right now.
And your blood pressure's high.
For a kid your age, that's unusual.
I'm gonna take some blood.
Your move.
Luke, I want to make sure your kidney function's normal.
- Okay, but...
- I know, okay? 
My move.
She just said, "symptoms."
She didn't say what they were.
Well, isn't that why we're here?
To find out?
You don't think Hankmed 2.0 did something that, uh, made her sick, do you?
Don't know. 
What did Hankmed 2.0 do?
So she wanted a chest CT.
Okay? 
Hank refused, but then we did it.
Actually, we gave her a full-body CT.
And now she's sick.
I doubt a CT made her sick.
But I can't say anything for sure
- until I've seen the patient.
- Good.
This isn't an emergency, is it?
Technically, no.
- But it's...
- Evan.
I don't appreciate you doing this to me when you said you'd give me time.
I know, Divya, I'm sorry.
I... 
I... 
Hank said no, Van Dyke said yes,
I didn't know what to think.
I needed another opinion from someone I trust.
And it's just this one patient.
I promise you I'm not gonna talk about business at all.
Unless, of course, you've decided you do want to work for me, at which point we can talk...
So, tell me what's going on.
Um... nausea... bad, stomach-turning, thought-of-food-makes-me-sick nausea.
I was throwing up all night, and I was alone, so it was really scary.
I could imagine.
The radiologist confirms that your CT is clean.
Um, okay, well, the thing is I was there during the explosions with the smoke...
Oh, Hollister, Divya has your history.
It was just the other doctors asked.
I'm sorry that you had to describe your symptoms to three different people.
You should have more continuity of care than that.
I don't mind repeating myself.
Actually, it's really nice to have company.
My family was supposed to come visit for Memorial Day weekend.
A big reunion, but, uh, they couldn't make it.
Some of my siblings are still trying to visit, though.
Busy lives.
Divya, hey.
Look...
I get it.
You're caught in the middle.
It's not fair to you.
And I'm sorry.
I really am.
Thank you, Evan.
You've got to understand.
You and Hank are family.
You're the only family I have right now.
And I can't do anything to mess that up.
I lost one family; 
I won't lose another.
I understand.
And you're family to me too.
Which is a giant part of why I can't do this without you.
Jill, it's me.
Luke broke into my house, and he's acting really strange.
I need you to help me get him to the hospital.
He won't listen to me.
I didn't know it was her, Hank,
I totally thought somebody was breaking in.
Someone did.
I didn't want you to get robbed.
There have been a lot of robberies around here,
- right, aunt Jill?
- Yes, Luke, there have been, but...
What were you doing here in the first place, and not at home?
It's not safe there. 
There are so many noises and lights.
Okay. 
What's wrong with him?
I think he's become hypervigilant.
Luke, you're burning up.
I'd like to take your temperature.
I'm hot because the damn computer has got rook and pawn versus rook.
And it's really hot in here.
Okay, come here.
106.
Okay, forget the game.
We have to get you to the hospital.
No way, not until I finish this.
I should've won five moves ago.
- Hey.
- Don't touch me.
Luke!
- Luke, forget about the game.
- What game?
Chess. 
Luke, you don't remember?
Aunt Jill, my mind... is blank.
Luke, try to remember.
Is it the same kind of blank that you felt when you took the SATs?
I don't know. 
Yeah, I guess.
You were nervous then, and you were nervous about going to camp.
Did you take anything?
The girl, Alex, who convinced you, did she give you something to calm your nerves?
Yeah, maybe Alex gave me some of her mom's antidepressants.
How long ago did you take your cold medication?
I don't know.
Over an hour.
Okay, we need to try to stop the effect of the cold medicine in his system.
I've called 911. 
They're on their way.
If we don't get it out of his body now...
What?
Here.
Rip this up into thin strips, okay?
Okay.
Antidepressants will stay in his system for weeks.
Sorry, Luke.
If I'm right, the combination of those pills with the cold medicine he just took set off a serotonin storm in his body.
It explains the fever, agitation, hypervigilance...
- And his elevated BP.
- Exactly.
- Can I have the charcoal, please?
- Yeah.
That latest dose of cold medicine was the gasoline on the fire, so, we've got to get the charcoal in to get the gasoline out.
Come on, Luke. 
Stay with us, bud.
We're gonna get you to the hospital right away.
It's hard to breathe. 
The pain...
Your blood pressure is low.
Something's wrong.
Yes. 
I just don't know what.
Please don't leave me!
I wasn't going to go anywhere.
I was just getting my phone to call Hank.
I'm so scared. 
I just want my family here.
I don't have anyone here.
I'm here, and I'm not gonna go anywhere.
- I promise.
- Okay.
- Divya?
- Hank.
Thank God you're here.
Her BP is dropping, she's having shortness of breath, and acute abdominal pain.
I'm just gonna have a listen.
No bowel sounds.
Your intestines aren't working to transport food.
Her CT was clean two days ago.
There was no obstruction.
I didn't give her a CT, did you?
Van Dyke did.
Oh. 
Well, now she actually needs one.
We're gonna get you to the hospital.
Okay.
Okay.
This clean one is from two days ago, this one they just took here.
Here, you can see there's fat stranding.
It's most likely caused from Hollister being near the explosion.
Okay, thank you.
We'll start prepping her for surgery.
Thank you for showing up when you did.
Yeah, I wasn't expecting to find you there.
Does this mean you decided to work for Evan?
No.
No, no, Hank.
I was doing Evan a favor.
A temporary favor.
Okay.
I was happy to see you at Hollister's today too.
It felt right.
Made me realize I don't wanna do this without you.
I can't.
Check.
And... checkmate.
Oh, this is getting demoralizing.
Getting?
Oh.
I'll be right back.
- 'Sup, grand master?
- You want a piece of me, doc?
Uh, as much as I'd like to whup you,
I'd never take advantage of a recovering patient in a hospital bed.
You're a smart man. 
The kid's lethal.
And getting a little smarter himself.
Thanks, doc, for helping Luke come clean about taking that test.
Yeah.
It sounds like you learned your lesson about cheating.
You got nothing out of it but a black eye from a girl.
Dad, I didn't do it for nothing.
- You telling me she paid you?
- Not exactly.
This seems like a perfect time for a father-son chat, so, good luck.
Bye, Luke.
Jill?
Hey, hey, hey. 
What's wrong?
My job fell through.
My team just called from Uruguay to tell me
- that I've been replaced.
- What?
They gave my position to someone else.
I resigned from the hospital,
I sold my house.
Hank, I am so screwed.
Knock, knock.
- Hi.
- Hi.
How's my favorite patient doing?
Aww.
You didn't.
I did.
Well played, Henry.
You're starting to think like me.
Am I missing something?
It's much better that way, trust me.
We were just explaining to Hollister that the concussive force of the propane explosion struck her just right to damage a hollow organ.
Like my ear?
Exactly, but in this case, it was Hollister's small intestine.
Mm-hmm.
The pressure of the blast probably damaged several vessels in the bowel, which led to edema and tissue breakdown.
It's called shock bowel.
That will make for the grossest status update ever.
You will be in here for a couple of days, but you will make a full recovery.
You really don't take good news well.
No, it's just... my dogs. 
Who's gonna take care of them?
Well, didn't your sister Julie get ahold of you?
My sister? 
No.
Well, I called her to tell her what happened, and she said she was getting on a plane to see you, and, uh, help.
Yeah, Julie says a lot of stuff, but it doesn't mean it's always true.
I'm sorry.
We'll help you find a dog-sitter.
Or take care of whatever you need.
You guys... you're amazing.
I don't know what I would've done without you three.
Well, what you need to do now is rest.
No, wait, you guys don't have to go.
Please stay.
You need to rest.
And I'm always just a phone call away.
And so is Hankmed 2.0.
Right, whoever you'd like to call, we'll respect the decision.
Exactly, your health is obviously
- the most important thing here.
- Most important thing.
- As well as your dogs.
- Guys.
Really? 
Really?
It's okay. 
I already know who I'm hiring.
You do?
I'm retaining you both.
Uh, look, two... two concierge doctors kinda sounds like one too many.
Yeah.
Well, how could I possibly choose?
Besides, they always say to get a second opinion, and with the both of you, I always can.
- Hollister?
- Julie?
We came the second we got the call.
Oh...
What did the doctor say you have?
Let's just call it...
"ew."
Hi.
Sorry to interrupt, but we have got a thing that we have to go and do.
- We have that thing with the...
- That thing.
Thank you, guys.
- Bye, Hollister.
- Buh-bye.
How have you been?
- I haven't seen you...
- Excuse me.
Hankmed 2.0. 
Just remember.
- Evan.
- Got it.
Sorry about that.
God.
You'd think she would've had the decency to pick one of us.
Actually, I think it's kind of inspired.
I mean, why pick one Lawson if you don't have to?
Are you... are you saying what I fear you're saying?
Gentlemen. 
I have decided that I am going to work for both of you.
But, 50-50, down the middle.
I'll drop off a master schedule for both of you to follow in the morning.
Until then.
But Div...
- That's not a choice.
- That's not a choice!

Episode 8 Old Wounds, Fresh Blood
Incredible.
Lucius being defeated by Blade is an outcome that we had not foreseen.
Daywalker's power is formidable.
Blade and all those who turn against us must be killed.
-Calm yourselves, please.
-But...
We of the High Council are the chosen pure-bloods.
There is no need to be concerned about the doings of impudent, inferior beings.
Let's have Blade and Deacon Frost fight a great battle.
When they get tired, that will give us sufficient time for us to make our move.
If we can get them to fall together, we'll kill two birds with one stone.
No, we should nip danger in the bud as soon as possible.
Between Blade and Frost's Existence, we're facing enemies on two fronts.
That's a bit of an overestimation.
The dirty half-breed and his ilk are no match for us pure-bloods.
Your ideas fly in the face of danger.
Why do you say it like that?
Are you insulting us?
Open your eyes and take a good look around!
Have your 400 years of wasted life dulled your thinking?
This is exactly the problem of senility.
Shut up! 
What the hell do you 200-year-old children know about anything?
-What did you say?
-Enough, gentlemen.
It's just as Lucius Isaac's final report states.
If Existence has begun preparations for a war against us, we should try to wedge them apart.
But for the span of a few thousand years, we of the High Council have continued to reign as superiors to all kinds throughout the history of darkness.
Eternity has been bestowed upon us.
There is no change upon that fact.
And it will never change.
-I'd better be off.
-Please, be careful.
Daddy? 
Where are you going?
Alice, don't you worry, now.
I'll be back before you know it.
Damn!
I sense something...
Northwestern Vietnam
Logan was right, but we never expected that we'd be the ones who got chased.
-Let's separate here.
-What? 
That's out of the blue.
Come on, it's just a scratch. 
I'm good to go.
Why don't you head back while I draw the ninja away?
You can't defeat them with your skills.
It's not like I'm the only one who got hurt!
By morning, I'll be fully healed, but you won't be.
Razor, stay with her.
So much for being a team, huh?
So I guess that's it.
I'm nothing but dead weight to you now.
The worst part is I know you're right. 
The last thing you need is for me to slow you down.
Razor. 
Come on, boy.
Wait.
But this was your mom's.
Do me a favor? 
Try not to lose it, okay?
If you come with me, you'll only get hurt.
For now, it's better to be separated.
You son of a bitch!
You should have said so from the beginning.
All right. 
I'll return it when I see you again, because it's important to you.
Take care, partner. 
See you around.
They're coming back.
Hurry up.
Eric.
I see you're awake now.
Don't stare at me like that.
I helped you when you were left for dead in the jungle.
Great blade, huh?
Best of all, it's well-maintained.
I was able to see how you fought.
You're the vampire hunter, Blade, aren't you?
What are you going to do with me?
I thought so.
That's not what I'm gonna decide now.
You're with them.
Part of the Existence organization.
Actually, they're a nuisance because they chase me everywhere.
A stake made of silver.
It's useless for a vampire like you.
So you noticed?
Whatever.
It's not like I had any choice in the matter.
Name's Stan Davis. 
Sergeant Major, United States Marine Corps.
My unit was stationed near here towards the end of the war.
I don't suppose you've heard of the V-Project?
-No, never.
-Not many people have.
It's a long story, and not a pretty one.
Daywalker, I want you to hear us out.
Us?
I'd been transferred from my unit and assigned to Special Ops.
So it was no surprise when my C.O. told me I'd been selected for a special assignment.
Saigon
I was young and naive.
I believed we'd bring world peace once we'd won the war.
I could endure anything for my country.
The V-Project.
The army gave soldiers injections the CIA had acquired from A.I.M.
It was unbelievable stuff that would create an invincible force capable of turning the tide of the war.
That very medicine was vampire blood.
To prevent us from disobeying orders, they implanted us with brainwashing microchips developed by A.I.M.
The Vampire Unit's track record was the stuff of legends.
But the end came suddenly.
We were completely wiped out by friendly fire bombing by the Air Force.
Afterwards, those of us who regained ourselves dug the chips out of our heads with our knives in order to escape their control once and for all.
Once we had the brainwashing chips out, we returned to base.
All the evidence of this diabolical plan was completely whitewashed.
This was also after all the generals had left.
We were all made to look as if we had been lost in the war.
The only thing that we could confirm from the few remaining documents was the number of people we killed by sucking their blood.
We knew that as the Vampire Unit, we would never return home, so we lost all hope.
Eventually, my comrades began to curse their own fates.
One by one, they disappeared into the morning sun.
So the Vampire Unit completely disappeared, leaving only me behind.
To live or to die?
I still don't know the answer.
Are you suffering from blood-sucking withdrawal?
Yeah, it's pathetic.
So now,
I'm clinging to life with these plasma bags I steal from town.
Deacon Frost is gathering all the vampires in Asia and is planning on creating a mighty army.
They want to add you to the collection, right?
I will never become someone's tool again.
But you might get hungry for blood and attack people again.
It was the same with me.
But I'll never be like that again.
That's why I chose this way of life.
So that's the difference between you, Daywalker, and the other vampires?
What are you doing?
I probably survived so that I could meet somebody like you.
I am a vampire.
If you want to kill me, then kill me.
If I die, the V-Project will disappear with me forever.
Blade, I have a favor to ask you.
What's that?
Stay back, you fools.
Can't you see you're outmatched?
It's been a long time, Eric.
But you go by Blade now, do you not?
Mikage Kikyo. 
Don't tell me you sold your sword to Existence?
Why not? 
They met my price.
That's why I'm able to meet you like this.
-You know this guy?
-From way back.
We studied swordsmanship under the same master.
I have something to say to Sergeant Stan.
I am Mikage Kikyo.
I have a message from Deacon Frost.
We would like to welcome you as a comrade of Existence.
I have the full intention of taking you back to him at all costs.
I refuse.
I have buddies I must continue to mourn.
-Mourning is laughable.
-What?
There's no tomb for a vampire who turns to ashes.
How long do you intend to hide in this jungle and waste your life?
I wish I could say that I respect your dedication to principle, but I'm afraid it's beyond my comprehension.
I don't care. 
Get out of here.
If that's the case, this means war.
I was ordered to kill you if you resisted.
I suppose it's of no use for me to say, "Don't intervene."
Don't side with this man.
Whatever the reason is, Kikyo, if you stand for Deacon Frost, I will kill you.
Think you can?
I've been looking forward to this.
Which Yagyu-style swordsman shall prevail?
Let's get back to where we left off!
International Economics.
But you didn't come here to study, did you?
Haven't they started with the terms already?
Yeah.
I'm looking for a holiday flat for my father.
Ah. 
I see.
And you?
What do you do for living?
I'm a photographer.
Ah, cool.
Have you been seeing other rooms?
Yes, but I haven't decided yet.
You know what... for my sake, you can have the room.
Really?
We've also got a roof terrace!
- Wow.
- Not bad, eh?
I just found a roommate.
I don't know, I've had a good feeling about him.
Why don't you come around for dinner tonight and have a look at him!
Do you think he's coming?
I can't wait to see him!
Wait, someone's coming.
Tell me something about your play.
Well, it's about a couple.
She's a gallery owner and he's a police officer and...
Hello, good evening!
This is Nick.
This is Lilli, a friend of mine.
This looks delicious.
Do you wanna eat something?
No, I didn't mean it like this. 
I've already eaten.
But there's enough. 
Come on, let us invite you!
Alright.
So, Phillip told me, you are looking for a condominium here in Berlin?
!
Well, not for me. 
I'm looking for one for my father.
He's looking for a flat, which he can offer to sublet.
For a lot of money...
Yes, for a lot of money.
I don't think Berlin will remain as it is now.
The gentrification can come really quickly, I reckon.
It is here already.
You just need to go to Neukölln or Kreuzberg.
But the tourists are good for the city, tho.
You think so?
I think they bug.
Well, probably it's the first time that berlin became an international city.
I mean, a few years ago, the only dialects you heard, were only German dialects.
For that matter, I prefer the "broken English" you can hear everywhere now.
There is always advantages and disadvantages... and what are you doing here in Berlin?
I'm an actress... well, I'm learning how to be one.
That means I shouldn't believe, what you are saying...
so you are just pretending?
Or is this just a prejudice?
This is indeed a prejudice.
Good actors do not pretend.
What are they doing then?
They show how people really are, behind all their facades and masks.
Yes, beautiful. 
Maybe the chin a bit down.. .
that's almost too much...that's it...
Thank you very much, that was great!
- Thank you, bye!
- Bye!
Hey, are you working?
Yes, hey!
May I have a look at some pictures?
Do you only take pictures of men?
Hmhm. 
Only men.
But I do have a girlfriend, if it calms you.
Is it Lilli?
No, it's not Lilli.
My girlfriend is in Nicaragua at the moment.
- Do you wanna see her?
- Sure.
Here, have a look.
Ok.That's enough.
May I take some pictures of you?
I don't know, I'm a bit shy when it comes to those things.
I don't have a problem with it.
But, maybe I do.
I do my work out in a gym, down the street.
Do you want to come with me?
Yeah sure.
Try hard!
This one I like the most.
That's a good choice!
Can you send the picture to this address?
Yes, of course.
Hey Phillip, it's Nick.
I'd like to surprise Lilli.
Can you tell me where her drama school is?
Oh come on, we have an appointment tonight anyway.
Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find Lilli?
She's dancing, upstairs.
What are you doing here?
I wanted to surprise you.
Why are you only taking pictures of men?
I know them better.
I know why they are looking the way they are looking.
And how to take a man's look.
When it comes to women, I only see what I want to see.
Do you think I'm attractive?
I can see that you are attractive, but I don't feel it.
It's something more abstract.
I see it like a flower, or a sunset.
Like, this way.
...beautiful as a flower...
Doesn't sound really straight to me, to be honest.
Def chest!
You think so?
Hmhm. 
I think so. 
It's nice.
You look good, too.
But too thin!
Yes, but... buff.
Ok. 
He's leaving, but why doesn't he say good bye to her?
Stefan, you tell her.
I don't know, either.
Ok, again:
These two have been separating themselves from social standards and conventions, they don't say "goodbye"
or "hello" or "thanks" to each other.
They just leave without saying anything.
These two are two human beings in delusion.
Ok.
Ok?
!
I don't understand why he's leaving now, after they just fell in love with each other.
And I think you do understand pretty well why.
You just don't want to.
No, I really don't understand.
He can't stand his dependence.
It's almost killing him.
Therefore, he's killing his love.
That's atrociously. 
He is a total psycho.
Just an ordinary man.
Well, I don't know. 
I wouldn't say it's ordinary, though!
Stefan, can you come here for a second, please!
And what am I supposed to feel now?
Your turn.
(Spanish) Do you know the way to the Brandenburger Tor?
Sorry! 
Something important. 
I have to go!
Again?
It's important.
Call you tomorrow.
Nick!
Nick, is it you?
What if I'm not?
Don't drink too much!
Thanks.
Urgh, that one was bitter!
Man, that's a good reason to get jealous, when I see you two "turtledoves"
Girls, I will go swimming.
Hey mate, just wait.
I think you need a beating.
...but from the beginning, I had the feeling, that there was something dangerous in this love.
A fire, a poison.
But the most dangerous thing about it was, that it was too strong.
The feeling of getting too dependence on each other, became stronger and stronger.
And then, they realized, that this love got more and more dangerous, even for their lives...
What happened?
There was a branch or something.
Come on up!
Do you feel dizzy?
Come with me!
Nick?
!
Hey Phillip!
I've got something for you.
What is it?
- A gift.
- A gift?
What for?
Well, it's quite embarrassing, but you saved my life.
Bollocks.
You did. 
Somehow.
I'll try it on.
Can you hold it?
Do you like it?
Yeah.Thank you.
What are you gonna do now?
Nothing's planned. 
And you?
Actually I don't like guys like you.
What kind of guy am I?
That kind of tourist, you don't like.
You are coming to Berlin, buy an apartment for your father and ruin the city.
If I don't buy this apartment, someone else will. 
Money rules!
Tell me something about you.
What should I tell you?
Just get to know me.
Do you think, you are going to know me better, if I'm telling you something about my childhood?
Yes, I do. 
Is it so stupid?
Shall I put the helmet back here?
Do you wanna go shopping?
Just groceries. 
I want to invite you two for dinner tonight.
- See ya!
- Bye.
Can?
Can?
Get up, herds someone who wants to get fucked properly...
Can?
Can!
Do you know anything about the time of death, yet?
It's about two, two and half hours ago.
And the cause of death is?
Can't say anything about it, yet.
Do you know, what she did for living?
There is some information, but nothing concretely.
Did you inform the relatives?
Yes, of course.
The prime suspect is downstairs, in the park.
Ok, thank you.
What's your name?
Can. 
Can Arslan.
- Can?
- Yes, that's my first name.
Someone could hear your girlfriend screaming out your name at the time the crime occurred.
What?
A woman's dead body was found yesterday afternoon in Berlin-Kreuzberg.
The motive is still nondistinctive.
Her 28-year-old boyfriend is strongly suspected and was arrested and brought to detention before trial in the afternoon.
The police investigates.
I'm starting to have gently feelings for Lilli, and also for Phillip I feel a close affection.
I'm happy to be with them, because they make me forget who I am and what I've done.
Both are very innocent with their affection.
The stronger my feelings are getting for them, the closer comes their hour of death.
I will wait and enjoy it as long as I can, before I will kill them in the most beautiful and poetical way, one can ever think of.
What I wanna do is, when I catch his arm, I'll snatch my foot behind his back.
Legs around his head -push together- turn your arm oven.
And close it the same way you did it before.
And now: knees together.
The weather is bringing me down, somehow.
I like rain in summer.
Did you fall in love with Lilli?
Hmhm. 
I think so.
Are you jealous?
Jealous? 
On who?
Come on, let's go!
Hey, you're hurting me!
Sorry!
Do you love me?
Hmhm.
What do you mean with hmhm?
!
I'm tired.
- Why?
- Well, from doing sports, you know.
But I don't want you to be tired!
Wake me up then.
Ouch!
...and action!
Coward 
- Lilli, it's coward!
Why is she hooking up?
I beg your pardon?
!
What are you hiding from?
I don't know. 
Maybe from you.
From me?
From what you want from me.
What do I want from you?
I don't know. 
Definitely something.
What about you?
Do you love me?
I like to sleep with you!
That's not love, that's sex!
I like to smell you!
That's no love, either!
I like your croaky voice...
My voice is not croaky!
So what 
- I don't care!
Nick.
Nick.
God.
What's going on?
We examined in every direction, but we couldn't find anything.
Not even on the x-ray photographs.
Probably, it was just a burst of a blood vessel.
Something like this can happen, and often it looks worse than it is.
But the whole pillow was covered in blood!
As I mentioned before, we examined in every direction.
There was nothing to find.
I think you can go home now and try to keep yourself from worrying.
Your skin is so beautifully soft.
Why do you sound so sad?
I don't know.
There is always one reason, why someones sad...
What reason?
That everything comes to an end... this is why someone's sad...
I'd like to have Phillip lying here with us.
Then he could cuddle with us.
You don't know, if he would like to.
I think he'd like it.
Am I not enough for you?
Of course you are.
The summer is already over, isn't it?
Hmhm. 
I think so.
Shit!
When are you leaving?
Next week. 
Or in two weeks, at the latest.
Come here!
Come on! 
I need to leave.
I'm going downstairs. 
I rent a DVD.
Are you coming?
I'll be with you in a moment.
Oh man, you scared me.
Sorry for my behavior. 
I didn't mean to start something!
...and thanks, that you took it so calmly.
It's alright.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Are you ready?
Yeah, let me just put on my jacket, then we can leave.
What's going on?
Nothing. 
I just got a headache.
Did you bleed again?
No, everything's fine.
We can stay, if you want to.
No, let's go. 
Everything's fine.
Where's Phillip? 
Is he here?
No, Phillip just left.
Nick, I've been thinking a lot lately...
This is not how good conversations start.
You were right, that day.
I was right, about what?
That I don't love you.
I thought we were just flirting.
It wasn't a flirt for me, though.
The whole time I was asking myself, if you love me.
And so I forgot to ask myself, if I love you.
And when you asked me, I realized, that I don't love you.
Are you totally nuts, or what?
Well, sweetie - you wanna have fun?
- Yea!
- Then come.
'Delete? 
Yes.'
'Sublease contract'
'Hello Lilli. 
I'll be gone for a few days.
Will contact you when I'm back. 
Phillip'
Stefan, it's your turn!
This is so horrible!
What are you doing here?
I was waiting for you!
Come inside!
Close your eyes.
Yes, hello. 
It's Tom Ripploh speaking.
I would like to know what time the trains to Paris are departing today.
The colleagues just found a dead body at Schlachtensee.
Thank you.
This could be the lodger.
It is him.
How do you know it?
Female intuitive powers.
Also the woman.
This was the same killer.
At least, she was strangled, too.
We found a diary, too.
Are you going to the premium fair in Paris, as well?
No, I'm looking for a flat in Paris.
I've got the feeling, we know each other. 
We might have seen each other at another show?
!
Possibly...
- My name's Tom!
- Peer, hi!
Emma!
- Well, let's have a look at what time the train departs?
- Ok!
Subtitles: 
Thary Plast IC

Previously on "The Mentalist"...
Hey, Patrick. 
Lorelei.
Perhaps we can see each other again.
I do what Red John tells me to do.
Accept his friendship.
It's that easy?
Sure. 
And you'll need to bring him a gift.
What kind of gift?
Teresa Lisbon's dead body would be the perfect thing.
(Laughs)
Good luck, Teresa. 
Love you.
Well, the question remains, why did Jane do this?
Orders from Red John?
I don't know what to think.
I want arrest warrants prepped for every single member of that CBI team, dead or alive.
FBI! 
Nobody move!
CBI! 
Don't shoot!
We're CBI agents!
You're making a terrible mistake.
Get out.
Got the gift?
Red John in there?
Mm-hmm.
Our fake deaths were a ruse to trap Red John, and it worked.
(Red John) What if you and I were friends?
Imagine the life we could lead.
Go to hell.
You're gonna break down and you're gonna tell us everything you know about Red John.
You're gonna sing like a bird.
No, lover. 
I won't.
Yes, you will.
(Kisses)
(Whispers) Yes, you will.
(Door closes, footsteps approach)
(Lisbon) We're up.
What?
We have a case.
Now?
You can't talk to her yet anyhow.
I'll be right there.
(Door closes)
(Birds chirping)
(Police radio chatter)
Hey. 
You can't leave your car there.
(Police radio chatter)
Hey, boys.
You the responding officer?
Uh, yes, ma'am.
What have you got?
A 9-1-1 call came in from this location. 7:33 p.m.
But, uh, nobody spoke.
Door was unlocked, and, uh, this is how we found 'em.
This is Rex Lango and, uh, Callie Karlsen.
They both worked together at the hotel convention center.
Uh, this is her place.
Mm.
So the door was already open?
Yes, sir.
I figure the marks and bruising on the neck indicate strangulation and, uh, he got clubbed to death with the bottle, ah?
Yes. 
Nice analysis there, Yannick.
Couldn't have killed each other, could they?
Unlikely. 
She'd have to be conscious and active to hit him with that bottle.
Check out the lipstick on his cheek.
Yeah, so it's your classic love triangle.
Third wheel comes in, finds these two kissing, whacks the rival with the bubbly, chokes out jezebel here.
Yeah, that's pretty much what I...
Uh, figured. 
Yeah.
(Clears throat)
Jane? 
Thoughts?
Well, the champagne's an excellent vintage.
Callie didn't have a steady boyfriend.
Uh, no spare toothbrush.
She believes--poor soul-- in a benevolent universe, and she, uh, comes from money.
Money? 
She works in a hotel.
(Lisbon) Seen enough.
We're out of here.
Let forensics do their job.
So, uh, if you need me, you know where to find me.
Thank you, officer Yannick.
You're welcome. 
My pleasure.
(Tires screech)
(Yannick) Anytime.
What are you guys doing here?
What are you doing here?
Hey. 
Hey, Teresa.
What's up? 
You're all under suspension, aren't you?
We were told to cover your calls.
Suspension? 
What?
Who are you guys?
FBI. 
Walk away.
(Scoffs)
You didn't hear? 
The suspensions have been lifted.
The brass made a deal.
Yeah, we heard that they were talking.
They put a lid on the whole thing.
It's business as usual.
Suspension's lifted.
So you guys don't need to be here.
Look, I'm sorry for the mix-up.
Wait. 
Wait.
You mean to tell me that after the monumental crap storm you guys created, they're just gonna let you walk away?
I'm stunned, frankly.
I understand.
I mean, you destroyed the career of a fine FBI agent.
You--you caused the death of your own boss.
And this one?
This one's got assault, narcotics, and fraud charges against him.
Dismissed.
Part of the deal. 
Phew.
How'd you get such a sweet deal?
Uh, we got a deal because, uh, it was the FBI that messed up, not me or the CBI. 
The FBI.
(Cho and Rigsby) That's right.
That's incorrect.
Oh, touche.
We were this close to catching Red John before you blew it.
And even in spite of your interference, we caught Lorelei Martins, so she's our--
She's our suspect, and we want her back.
You're not getting her.
Oh, we'll see about that.
We'll see.
"We'll see"?
Your inarticulate rage is understandable, but it's misplaced. 
You should probably just calm down.
You calm yourself down.
I'm not angry.
No? 
Your temples are pulsing like some weird undersea creature.
If that's not anger, you should see a doctor.
(Lisbon) Jane, stop.
Okay, I'm going.
Nice to see you.
Watch this one.
He's a hothead.
I am sorry.
He does that.
I'm not angry.
I believe you.
I just think you people should be in jail, not out working cases.
That's right.
But we're not in jail.
We're here, so keep moving.
Or else what, you're gonna make us move?
If you like.
(Laughs) Then go ahead.
Make me move.
All right, that's enough.
You're both being childish.
Take your hands off! 
Get off me!
Hey! 
Hey!
Whoa. 
Whoa. 
Whoa. 
Whoa. 
Whoa.
Whoa. 
Whoa. 
Whoa. 
Come on.
Hey!
Come on!
(Man) Get your hands off me!
Break it up!
(Yannick) Come on.
Sorry.
Come on, people.
Oh!
(Lisbon) Come on!
I'll see you back at the office.
(Yannick) Guys, come on.
Stop it!
Get off! 
Get off! 
No! 
Hey!
♪ The Mentalist 5x01 ♪ The Crimson Ticket Original Air Date on September 30, 2012
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Welcome back.
Thank you so much.
I could not be less happy to be back.
And, uh...
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for, uh... fixing things.
Yes, sir. 
We-- you know, I thought I had, as you say, fixed things, and now I discover that you and your FBI counterparts have been fighting...
at a crime scene?
Sir, it was--
If I can persuade the FBI to forget this latest incident, you, Jane, are down to your very last chance.
A-and you are only granted this chance because to get rid of you now would be evidence of the scandal we are trying so hard to conceal!
Looking on the bright side, we have Lorelei Martins.
She can lead us to Red John.
She knows who he is.
California's most notorious serial killer, caught on your watch.
Well, that remains to be seen.
But until I negotiate an arrangement with the feds, you cannot talk to her.
That's the deal!
I understand.
But here's the thing.
The FBI can't have her.
In a half an hour, I have to stand up at a press conference and lie to the people of California in order to protect you, and you are arguing with me now?
!
They can't have her.
(Scoffs)
I will do my best to keep her, but you have--
I promise, uh, there'll be no more trouble from me.
I-I won't say a word at this press conference.
You're damn right you won't say a word, 'cause you won't be there!
Hmm.
(Bertram) Alexa.
Hi. (Chuckles)
We still have a deal, right?
I'd rather eat spiders, but, yeah, we still have a deal.
Good, good.
God, you look fabulous, by the way.
Camera ready.
Is--is my tie straight?
You understand, Gale, this matter doesn't end here.
You have to give us Lorelei Martins, or there'll be consequences down the line.
Consequences for whom?
It was your agents that killed the best chance we've had yet of catching Red John.
It was your Agent Darcy that killed Wainright.
Tragic outcome in a deadly force situation.
Agent Darcy is devastated.
She's had a nervous collapse, in fact.
Your people committed deliberate crimes.
Well, that's debatable.
Look!
We have agreed to a cover-up.
That's the deal.
If you're saying now that... (Chuckles) you're gonna dig this all up again unless I do your bidding, then no deal.
No, let--let's tell the truth right now.
An FBI agent shot and killed a CBI agent in the midst of a botched operation.
It'll be a huge scandal, we'll probably lose our jobs, but I'm sure we'll both feel better for it.
I am very proud to tell you that last week, in a joint FBI/CBI sting operation of great complexity and danger,
Lorelei Martins, a close associate of notorious serial killer Red John, was arrested.
Tragically, in the course of that operation,
CBI Special Agent in charge Luther Wainright was shot and killed.
Gale?
(Inhales) Luther Wainright was a good friend, a valued colleague, and we all mourn his passing deeply.
He's a hero.
As part of the sting operation, one of our operatives, Patrick Jane, had criminal charges fabricated against him in order to go undercover, and we apologize to the public for that deception.
Today, the story is of the great job done by these two teams of consummate professionals working together in harmony.
(Bertram) Questions?
This working in harmony business is very hard to believe.
There's a very long public history of disharmony between your two bureaus.
That's why they call it history, Josh.
It's in the past.
Exactly.
What we're celebrating today is the dawn of a new era.
Just this morning, these two teams began work on another case together.
A double murder in Dupont Gardens.
Best of luck on that one, guys.
Go get 'em.
(Camera shutters clicking)
Let's call it a truce, shall we, guys?
I mean, we're all grownups here.
Yep, sure.
Yeah.
Nice place.
It is.
This is like a bad date.
I wish these bozos would just vanish.
Wow. 
Four cops.
(Chuckles)
Must be a red ball, huh?
A red ball?
Well, that's what you guys call an urgent case, right?
All murder cases are urgent.
Yes, of course. 
I-- (Sighs)
I would never imply otherwise. 
I-- what can you tell us about Callie and Rex?
Um, Callie has been with us two years as a housekeeper.
Reliable. 
Always upbeat.
Really, uh, just a lovely girl.
Well, a woman, that is.
Uh, Rex Lango I don't know so well.
He's only been here a couple weeks and, uh, works over in tech support.
But he seems like, you know, a good fellow.
He--uh, punctual.
Were they friends? 
Lovers?
Uh, well, I wouldn't know.
Um, you know, you should check with their workmates.
Yes, me and Callie were friends.
She was such a good, kind person.
Poor thing.
Oh, my God.
Did she have any boyfriend troubles that you know of?
Nuh-unh. 
Men were always asking her out, but she would always say no.
Was anybody bothering her?
Not that she told me.
What was her relationship with Rex Lango?
None, I don't think.
Hmm.
What about Mr. Norris?
Did he have a thing for Callie?
Oh, you think Mr. Norris?
He would ogle her.
But he did that to all the women-- ogle them and, you know, cop a feel sometimes.
He always asks people out, but nobody says yes, because he had a girlfriend once who worked here, and they broke up, and he fired her butt so fast.
Hmm.
You think he did this?
Did you get anything useful?
Nope. 
You?
Nope.
Be right back.
Nah, nothing useful.
Uh, excuse me.
Mr. Norris?
Uh, thank you so much for your help in the investigation.
I just have a couple more questions before we go.
Yeah.
Um... how many employees are you responsible for here at the hotel?
I supervise 210 employees.
Wow. 
That is a lot.
Yeah. 
Have you ever seen your mother naked?
What?
! 
No!
well, we'll leave that alone for a moment.
Let me ask you this.
Have you ever looked at Callie Karlsen in a sexual way?
No!
I mean, you know, she's an attractive...
Woman.
Sure.
(Sighs) I didn't look away.
So, yes, you looked at her sexually.
Uh, have you touched her?
No!
Why are you shielding your right side?
Are you hiding something?
Hiding? 
I'm not hiding anything!
Something. 
Your--your inside jacket pocket is making you nervous.
No!
What do you have in there?
Uh, w--nothing. 
Oh. 
Okay.
A wallet.
Wh-why are you wanting to hide your wallet from us?
I don't. 
It's just a wallet.
Hey, you can't do that.
It's a gray area.
Okay--there's nothing in there.
Well, lookee here.
That's our girl, isn't it?
Couldn't resist a souvenir, huh?
Okay. 
I have never seen that before in my life.
Really? 
Has this wallet been out of your possession recently?
(Sighs) No, but--I swear, I-I've never seen that before.
I swear to God.
Well, I tell you what, Mr. Norris.
Why don't we talk some more downtown, see if we can solve this mystery?
No. 
No, no, no. 
No, no.
I've got a hotel to run.
I cannot-- Whoa, whoa, whoa! 
Wait a second.
He's our suspect.
Looks like he's ours to me.
Oh, no. 
That's not fair.
(Handcuffs clicking)
Fair? 
What are you, seven years old? 
Fair!
Tell you what.
You give us Lorelei Martins, we'll give you this guy.
That's fair.
No? 
Okay. 
Bye-bye.
Bastards.
Hey, no need to be so grumpy.
You got your wish.
You wanted them to vanish?
Vanished.
(Patrick chuckles)
What is so funny?
They took our suspect.
No, they took their suspect.
Norris isn't our man?
Small hands, addicted to routine.
No way a man like that strangles a woman on impulse.
But the photos in his wallet-- Planted.
I took them from Callie's apartment for just such an occasion.
You know full well that is illegal in 20 different ways.
Oh... (Scoffs) What about your promise to Bertram?
I had my fingers crossed.
Didn't you wish for Mancini and Smith to just disappear?
Well, voila, your wish was granted, like magic.
Now we can focus on catching the real killer while the FBI's dealing with Norris.
That is not the point.
(Lisbon) We're supposed to be rebuilding our relationship with the FBI.
Rebuilding trust.
Trust is not an option.
Red John has a friend inside the FBI.
If they get hold of Lorelei, she will die or escape.
Oh, God, here we go.
How do you know that?
Red John told me.
Well, he was lying, of course, to muddy the waters.
Why would he tell you the truth?
Because he knows we'll assume he's lying.
And he knows we'll begin to suspect the truth anyway.
It's a double bluff to conceal his friend.
(Elevator bell dings) Or he's lying and he has no friend in the FBI.
Why are you so determined to believe that?
Because I would like to feel solid ground under my feet.
I would like to trust somebody or something.
You know, you, with your wheels within wheels-- you're driving me nuts.
Hey, boss.
Hey, Grace.
Where are we with Karlsen and Lango?
Uh, looked into the phone records.
No calls in or out for Lango that evening.
Callie Karlsen called Nicola Karlsen at 7:15, 18 minutes before the 9-1-1 call.
Hey, boss. 
Where's the FBI?
They are pursuing other inquiries.
Sweet!
Listen to me.
The FBI is a fine organization, and they are our partners.
We need to work with them.
They deserve our respect and our trust-- am I clear?
Yeah.
Did you contact the sister?
Yes. 
She lives out in Boone.
She was out of contact for two days at a swap meet in Tahoe.
The local sheriff gave her the news.
What's her story?
Oh, the Karlsen family used to own half of Alameda county.
Lost it all in the crash of '06, parents died a year later-- highway collision.
Nicola is the older sister.
Single mom, two kids.
Jewelry designer is what it says on her I.R.S. forms.
What about Lango?
Moved to town from L.A. six months ago.
No rap sheet on him.
No relatives or friends nearby.
We went through his apartment.
Nothing.
Bare bones.
Mattress on the floor.
Running from something, maybe?
Keep digging on Lango.
It sounds promising.
Jane and I will go talk to the sister.
You two go and canvass the crime scene like you should have instead of fighting with the FBI!
Yes, boss.
Yes, boss.
(Speaking inaudibly)
(Clears throat)
Hey, Yannick.
Agents.
Thanks for your help.
No problemo.
Just don't hit me, okay?
Funny.
Hey, no offense, but...
I never saw that before.
Law enforcement agents fighting it out in the street?
You guys are hard-core, man!
(Laughs) Ha.
Yes. 
Uh, so, anyway, we started canvassing already.
Nothing useful so far.
Let's check out the rest of...
Yeah.
(Speaking inaudibly)
All right. 
Thank you very much for your time. 
Appreciate it.
(Speaking inaudibly)
Saw a young fellow over there-- same one they've been showing on the TV-- got beat to death.
And you saw just one man?
Rex Lango?
Yes, sir.
Knocking on her door about 6:30.
We were sitting out in the sun, then we came inside.
Did you ever see him around here before?
No, first time.
She didn't have visitors much.
And then later we heard a scream from over that way, just a little short one, like, uh, "aah!"
And you weren't concerned?
Well, no. 
At the time, I thought it was, you know, passion.
I said to Bucky, "good for her.
That Karlsen girl got a boyfriend at last."
And what time was this?
I know what time it was because we were checking our lottery tickets on the TV.
It was 10 past 7:00.
Here's me thinking her luck had changed, when really, she was dying.
(Clicks tongue) Poor girl.
I'll be right back.
(Clears throat) (Car doors close)
Hi. 
Um, you must be the CBI.
We're very sorry for your loss.
Uh, girls, could you maybe take the boys to your place, watch some TV or something?
I was at a crafts fair in the Sierras.
The hippie geniuses in charge picked a place with great vibes and no cell phone reception.
(Callie, panting) Nic!
Call me as soon as you can!
I didn't get that call till last night when I came home.
Then I called her, and called... and called, and then the sheriff came by this morning.
(Clears throat)
Nicola, tell us about your sister.
To be honest, we haven't found a motive yet.
Who would want to hurt Callie?
I mean, she was a warm, happy spirit.
Everybody loved her.
Did she have any failed relationships in her past?
No.
What about feuds with neighbors or financial disputes, maybe somebody who felt burned when your family's business went under?
We paid off all the debts.
All of them.
That's why I'm here doing this, a-- and Callie was cleaning rooms instead of going to college.
Wow, you make some beautiful things here.
Thank you.
Do you know Rex Lango?
(Inhales) Is that the man who died with her?
No, I've never heard the name before.
Well, it seems that, uh, Callie and Rex were, uh, about to drink a very nice vintage champagne--
1975. 
About, uh, 500 bucks a bottle, I'd guess.
At least.
That was the last from my dad's cellar.
There's no way Callie'd take it out of the fridge herself.
She'd been saving that bottle for years for a special occasion, like a talisman.
She would have told you if there was a relationship brewing with her and Lango?
Yes. 
Absolutely.
We're very close.
Callie was not interested in finding a man.
She wanted to go to college first and get her career going.
And what kind of career did she want?
(Exhales) She had all kinds of big hopes.
She was the optimist of the two of us.
She always said our luck was gonna turn somehow.
(Chuckles) I always said... (Voice breaking) "Don't hold your breath."
(Phone rings)
Oh, sorry.
Excuse me.
I have to takes.
Hello?
There's good news, Jane.
The FBI folded on Lorelei Martins.
She's all yours.
Folded? 
Well, that's not like them.
You want her or not?
Yes. 
I'm on my way.
(Breathes deeply)
Uh, we need to go soon.
That's all for now, Nicola.
Mm.
But I want you to know we're gonna do everything we can to bring whoever did this to justice.
Yes, we sure will.
I don't really care who did this.
Justice for them won't help Callie or me.
(Sighs) That was rude.
I'm sorry.
It's your job. 
I'm sure you do it very well.
No apology needed.
You make a very valid point.
Can I ask you--how much is this particular one?
What are you thinking?
She's ready to crack.
Nicola?
Lorelei.
I meant, what are you thinking of the case we're working on now?
Well, that one's a puzzle isn't it?
What the hell is the motive?
I don't think it was the sister. 
I like her.
So did you buy that bracelet for Lorelei?
No, just a whim.
Mm.
I liked it.
When I talk to her, I need to be alone.
You will be.
I mean, with nobody watching or listening.
I need to be able to tell her truthfully that we are alone.
Okay.
Thank you.
Just be careful.
Don't get pulled into her game.
What game is that?
I don't know.
You tell me.
Well, I'm supposed to tell you a game that you're thinking of?
Okay. 
Uh, you're thinking of, uh, Twister? 
(Chuckles)
Go ahead. 
Laugh.
But she's practically the first person since your wife that you've, you know...
Ohh.
It wouldn't be surprising if you had feelings for her.
She's a stepping stone to Red John.
I knew that from the beginning.
I don't have any feelings for her.
(Footsteps approaching)
Hello, Patrick.
Lorelei.
Is it just us, or are your friends listening?
(Patrick) It's just us.
We're alone.
(Lorelei) Good.
It's much nicer that way.
Sorry I didn't come to visit you sooner.
I've been a little busy with a case.
It's okay.
I've been enjoying the peace and quiet.
Is there anything you need?
I'm fine.
Never mind about me.
How are you?
Back to solving crimes, huh?
Yeah.
Mmm.
Why do you bother?
You're trying to hold back the tide with a broom.
What good are you doing?
I think... you do it to be close to Teresa Lisbon.
I think you're a little bit in love with her.
Heh. 
Heh. 
Hmm...
I-I do it to, uh... pass the time.
What good are you doing?
Not much in here.
But I'll be out soon enough.
How and when is up to Red John.
You think he'll get you out of this?
He'll kill you.
It's easier.
That's okay, if that's what he wants.
You're that far under his control?
He'll kill you as well if that's what he wants.
You just can't accept the fact.
I can make you a better offer.
No killing.
I can get you out of here now-- today, if you want.
I can get you money, a new identity, uh, set you up with a new life far away from here.
You can do that?
Yes, I can.
I can do anything you want if you give me Red John.
I want... your trust and friendship.
You have that.
I don't believe you.
How can I make you believe?
Kiss me.
What does that prove?
(Giggles and sighs)
First you say you'll do anything I want, then you refuse the first thing I ask for.
You're very complicated.
Let me get you out of here.
I need time to think.
Not for long.
I don't know how much longer we're gonna get to keep you here.
We'll talk again this evening.
(Elevator bell dings)
What are you? 
Huh?
Crazy?
Excuse me?
I told you to be careful.
I told you not to go over the edge.
And I told you not to listen.
Don't be childish!
I am not your girlfriend.
I am an officer of the law.
How could I not listen?
You kissed her.
You offered to help her escape.
And I would ask her to marry me if I thought she'd buy it.
I was playing her.
She's playing you.
We should have given her to the feds.
Um... 
M.E. sent his report on Callie and Rex.
Confirmed it's not possible they killed each other.
And Callie had a small white feather lodged in the back of her mouth.
A feather, huh?
Like from a pillow?
Right.
Which suggests Callie was strangled by hand and suffocated with a pillow, probably in that order.
Why two methods?
Two different people?
Or the killer wasn't strong enough to complete the strangulation.
Right.
A woman?
Women can strangle people.
Oh, believe me, I know I could.
Where's Cho and Rigsby?
I got a line on Rex Lango finally.
Changed his name.
Used to be Erzat Lonagul out of Bakersfield.
Cho and Rigsby drove down there to speak to his family.
(Breath quavers)
Nobody could say his name, so he changed it to Rex.
He was gonna be a big businessman, and he thought that sounded rich.
Rex Lango.
Was there any particular business he was interested in?
You know, he was good at computers.
But he didn't know yet exactly.
The Internet, robots, or whatever.
(Water splashes)
Any brushes with the law?
Shady friends?
No. 
My cousin was a good man.
Ah!
He was a good man, and he's gone now, so be nice.
He was a bum!
He was not.
He nearly always had a job, and he was never in trouble with the law.
Is that a bum?
(Scoffs)
He was never in trouble because he was too sneaky!
The kid was stealing candy and quarters from before he could walk.
And then he would lie to your face like a rug seller!
He was a dog to the women always!
A bum!
(Clicks tongue and scoffs)
Dishonest, greedy, selfish womanizer.
Yeah, but not a criminal.
Just a sleaze.
He left Bakersfield two years ago to avoid a paternity suit.
They had no idea he was in SAC.
Last they heard, he was in L.A.
Hmm. 
That's interesting.
So like I said, it's a love triangle.
But we've got no jealous boyfriend, and I can't see Callie dating a sleaze like him.
And she logged no calls or texts to him, right?
Nope.
I'm waiting for her e-mail records.
I couldn't get them direct from her P.C.
The hard drive is fried.
Oh. 
Well, that's why he was there.
He was in tech support, right?
So he offers to fix her computer. 
How could she refuse?
And then what happened?
I don't know.
I gotta run. 
Lorelei's on her way up from holding.
Wait.
We still haven't resolved our issue.
I don't think you should be talking to Lorelei.
You're too close.
Well, I disagree.
I could put a stop to this right now.
One word to Bertram about what you've been--
Please don't do that.
I know I can turn her.
I know I can.
And I promise you I will be careful.
(Mouths word)
Thank you.
(Elevator bell dings)
Hello.
Hey.
Stand down, man.
I'm taking charge of this prisoner.
I'm sorry. 
What are you talking about?
This is a federal judge's warrant transferring custody of Lorelei to the FBI.
No, no, no. 
You can't do that.
Back off.
No, don't touch me.
Stand down.
(Elevator bell dings) Don't let them take me. 
Patrick!
Wait, wait! 
You can't just touch me!
Patrick!
(Elevator bell dings)
There isn't a choice.
We have to get her back.
Jane, the FBI outfoxed us.
Th-they only pretended to give up Lorelei while they were preparing the warrant to take her.
We should have known they wouldn't fold.
Just deal with it.
I-I'd have to strong-arm a judge and the FBI into an arbitration hearing, and even then...
Well, do it.
The FBI know how to interrogate people.
They'll do a fine job.
They will either kill her, or she'll escape.
And we will lose our best chance-- the best chance we have had of getting to Red John.
Kill her? 
Uh, what--why?
The--the FBI?
D-don't be ridiculous.
Red John has a friend high up in the FBI.
Oh, please.
Now how do you know that?
He told me.
Well, there you go.
If we don't get her,
I will blow this whole cover-up wide open.
The truth of Wainright's death, all over the news.
If you do that, this whole deal collapses, and you go to jail.
I don't care.
You call a hearing, or I will be very glad to sing like a bird.
(Tapping)
(Clears throat)
Well, I've studied all the documents in this matter and it is very clear to me that all of you people are lying through your teeth.
Judge--
No, I don't want to know.
Whatever sordid errors you're all conspiring to cover up,
I don't want to know.
The sole purpose of this meeting is to decide who is best equipped to have custody of Lorelei Martins.
I will decide in favor of whichever side irritates me the least.
I will tolerate no misbehavior of any kind.
Proceed with care.
Your Honor, I would ask you to simply to look at the record of Patrick Jane.
Red John killed his family.
Lorelei Martins is a close confederate of Red John.
How can this man possibly treat her with the clarity and the objectivity required?
He's not a trained professional.
He's a vigilante.
And that alone should disqualify the CBI from custody in this matter.
For many years, I have been pursuing Red John.
I know this case better than anybody else.
These people, they don't know how to make Lorelei Martins talk.
I do.
If I may interject, Miss Martins tells us that she has had sexual relations with Mr. Jane.
That may be the source of his confidence.
Is that so?
Yes, it is.
We have a relationship.
Uh, that's a good thing.
That's how you turn people.
I'd expected a denial, to be honest. (Chuckles)
Do we need to continue?
Um, that does tend to disqualify you, Mr. Jane.
So, um, if you have nothing further-- she's already given me valuable information.
Let's not stop me now.
Valuable information like what?
With all due respect, this is not the time or the place to share the details.
If you want to see Lorelei Martins again, this is both the time and the place.
She told me that all Red John's friends... have a secret sign they use to identify each other.
And what is it?
Go on.
They carry a glass bead in their pocket-- blood red, the size of a pea.
Lorelei showed me hers.
That's it? 
Un-provable trivia?
It proves she trusts me.
It proves nothing.
Can we stop this farce now?
It is a bit thin, Mr. Jane.
Is that all you have?
No.
(Chuckles) Not at all.
Well?
Red John has an accomplice... inside the FBI.
Come on.
(Laughter)
Judge, this man is just spinning fantasies now.
Yes, you would say that.
I saw you.
What do you mean by that?
When I mentioned the glass bead, you suddenly looked very guilty and you glanced at your right-hand jacket pocket.
What's in there, Mancini?
This--this is the same thing that you did to Norris.
Son of a bitch-- Agent.
What's in your pocket, Mancini?
There's nothing--this is a childish trick, Your Honor.
Th-this man has just planted a bead on me.
Uh, let's be clear.
I have not touched you.
Everybody in this room has seen that.
But you're saying that there is in fact a red glass bead in your pocket.
Is that what you're saying?
No! 
(Stammers) You're putting words in my mouth.
Show us what's in your pockets, Agent.
You don't understand-- Show us!
He planted it.
He planted it!
But he didn't touch you, did he?
He-- you son of a bitch!
(Sighs)
Ah, well done. 
Good job.
When do we get her back?
Uh, judge says we can pick her up at county jail tomorrow.
Did, uh, Mancini really throw a bottle at you?
Yes, he did, and then he proceeded to chase me through the state house, but failed to catch me.
Congratulations.
Another mortal enemy made.
You should be very proud.
Uh, meanwhile, we've got a case to solve.
Well, let's get busy then, boss.
(Sighs) So let's just assume that Rex was at Callie's apartment to fix her computer.
What happened next?
How does that escalate to a double murder?
Well, maybe the computer is key.
Maybe there was something important on the hard drive.
She cleans hotel rooms.
What could be important?
How does that connect to her lipstick on his cheek?
He couldn't fix her computer so they made out instead?
Well, there are other reasons for kissing someone.
Celebration, for instance, hence the champagne.
What would they be celebrating?
Well, maybe the kiss was,
"thanks for trying to fix my computer."
So who's the third person here?
What are we missing?
(Sighs) Sorry I'm late.
They're setting up a stage for the state lottery prize presentation at the capital.
Traffic on L Street was crazy.
(Sighs) They should do that at Raley Field or someplace where they have parking.
(Lisbon) Uh, when did computer forensics say they'd be done with Callie's hard drive?
(Van Pelt) End of the week, but-- Got it!
What?
Callie's sister--Nicola.
You have a phone number?
(Amplified voice) Ladies and gentlemen, friends, it is my very great pleasure to introduce to you at this time the lucky winner of this year's biggest lottery jackpot.
Please welcome to the stage a young woman who is now worth $56 million--
Valerie Whittaker.
Come on out here, Valerie.
(Laughing) Hi.
Hey. 
Oh-- there you go, Valerie.
Wow!
Congratulations.
(Laughs) Thank you!
(Amplified voice) Thank you so, so, so much.
I'm so blessed.
Thank you.
Valerie, how you feeling?
Oh... (Laughs) I'm just in shock.
It's like a movie.
Any plans for the money?
Not yet.
Ah. 
I'm gonna take a flier.
Do you happen to know a Tom Yannick of the Sacramento Police?
No.
Are you sure?
'Cause I'm pretty sure.
Who else would have had the opportunity, a random intruder?
Unlikely.
Tom Yannick.
He's not your boyfriend then?
Huh-unh.
Okay. 
Just a moment.
Valerie, this is Nicola Karlsen.
She's Callie Karlsen's sister, the woman that was brutally murdered for the lottery ticket that won that check you're holding there.
Would you tell her you don't know Tom Yannick?
I-- Aha!
You told me nothing would go wrong!
Shh! 
No! 
Stop, stop!
Thomas Yannick...
(Mutters) you're under arrest for murder.
Yes.
This doesn't belong to you.
We're gonna have to get the name changed.
Do you have a... marker, pen?
Callie was checking the lottery numbers while Rex tried to fix her computer.
She won $56 million.
(Screams and laughs)
She kissed Rex, got the champagne out of the fridge, then she called her sister.
Then greed got the better of Rex, and he tried to strangle Callie so he could steal the ticket.
(Argruing) But she killed him instead with a champagne bottle and called 9-1-1.
Then half-strangled and in shock, she fainted.
And that's where you come in.
You found the two of them, and you saw the ticket.
You put 2 and 2 together-- quite the detective.
So you killed Callie.
You think about it for a while, or you just go for it?
I-I thought about it for a while.
(Sighs) I felt bad for her.
But $56 million, man.
Yeah.
Well, you should have thought about it a while longer.
(Door opens)
Thank you.
(Grunts)
Thank you, thank you.
You are such a good man.
Mmm.
(Mouths word)
Thank you. 
Mm.
Sorry to interrupt, Nicola, but Jane and I have to pick up a prisoner.
(Sighs) Thank you.
Pleasure.
(Cell doors buzz)
(Sighs) Come on!
What is taking so long?
Relax. 
She'll be here.
Look, I-I'm sorry, by the way.
For what? 
There's a long list of possibilities.
Yeah, well, this is more of a... general purpose apology.
Use it for your top issue.
Thanks.
Who's this?
(Female guard) 5467B.
That's not her.
There's been a mistake.
There's no mistake.
Her paperwork's all in order.
It's the only Lorelei Martins we got.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Well, she's gone now.
Oh, that's a shame.
Nothing for me, Mr Carson?
No, Anna.
Once again, I'm afraid, there's nothing for you.
Come on.
I've enough on my plate without going into details.
You're co-owner of this estate.
You have to get into detail.
Not to challenge Robert, surely? 
No, but you have to pull your weight.
That's all I'm saying.
How is Bates? 
I've not seen him for a while, sir.
Oh? 
Why's that?
I'm not quite sure, sir.
They've stopped his visitors.
Has he given you a reason?
He's not written in quite some time now.
And you don't know why? 
No, but I'm certain I will before too long.
Mrs Crawley, how may I help?
I'm sorry to push in on you again.
I didn't have time to come down before dinner and now we're on our way home.
Oh.
Mrs Hughes, you know I went to see Ethel Parks?
I do, ma'am. 
She wouldn't speak to me then but she has since sought me out and asked me to deliver this letter in to your hands.
When we last spoke of her, you seemed to think she'd fallen into bad ways.
I'm afraid that's the case.
She's been working as a prostitute.
My, my. 
That's not a word you hear in this house every day. 
No.
But I think it also shows the measure of her misery.
Ethel has been driven into this, of that I have no doubt.
If only she would allow me to help her, but she won't.
If this letter can give a clue as to how I may help, please let me know.
I will, ma'am.
Your sentiments do you credit, but I suspect she will be too ashamed to face how far she's fallen.
Good night.
Good night, Mrs Crawley.
So, am I to answer to you both?
Of course not.
What Lord Grantham means is that I've made an investment in the estate. 
That is all.
Otherwise, nothing has changed.
Very good.
Can we bring the staff back up to snuff?
I believe we can.
Mrs Hughes is short of a house maid, Mrs Patmore wants a kitchen maid and I need a new footman.
Do you really?
I sometimes feel the world is different than it was before the War.
I would like to return to my duties as a butler, sir, but if you prefer I continue to do the work of a second footman in addition... 
Mr Crawley does not mean that, do you?
Certainly not. 
That is good news.
It's too late to get into shape before the dinner for the Archbishop of York, but it'll be the last time you'll have to fudge it.
I'll do my best with an added spring in my step.
Why don't you have breakfast in bed?
Because I'm not married.
Yes, but now that... 
The others are, what difference would it make?
You know what I mean.
I prefer to be up and about.
Tennessee is going to ratify the 19th Amendment. 
Meaning?
All US women will have the vote.
Which is more than here.
They almost do.
I don't have the vote. 
I'm not over 30 and I'm not a householder.
It's ridiculous. 
You should write to the Times.
Maybe I will.
Ask your mother if she needs any help with tonight's dinner.
There's nothing so toffee-nosed as a prince of the Church.
Put him next to your grandmother.
She'll handle him.
Oh, Anna. 
You'll be happy to hear as soon as we take on a new house maid you'll be a lady's maid to Lady Mary at last.
That's nice, Mr Carson. 
Thank you.
I thought you'd be more pleased.
No, I am pleased, really I am.
I've just got a lot on my mind.
Sorry.
I've also advertised for a new footman.
He'll be second footman, won't he?
As to that, I will not pronounce at this stage. 
Try to find a man with something about him.
I want the house to be properly represented.
Is that aimed at me?
If the cap fits, wear it.
You're very quiet.
You'll never guess what.
I've had a letter from Ethel.
She wants to meet me, but she won't come here.
What for? 
And why not?
She'd be uncomfortable.
Why, particularly?
Never you mind.
I think I'll ask Mrs Crawley if we can meet there.
Heaven knows what Ethel wants of us this time.
Cora said you were looking for me.
I've stolen the nursery as a sitting room.
This is the paper, unless you hate it.
Oh.
Is that all?
Why? 
What did you think it was?
Cora said you'd been to the doctor earlier.
I wondered why.
To find something for my hay fever.
What will we use for a day nursery should the need arise?
I think we can worry about that a little further down the line.
Oh, thank you, my dear, that's very kind.
How much do I owe you? 
A guinea.
A guinea?
For a bottle of scent?
Did he have a mask and a gun?
How are you? 
All right, I suppose.
I worry about you.
That sort of thing is so horrid.
Being jilted at the alter?
Yes, it is horrid, multiplied by about ten thousand million. 
Well...
You must keep busy.
What with? 
There's nothing to do at the house, except when we entertain.
There must be something you can put your mind to. 
Like what?
Gardening? 
No, you can't be as desperate as that.
Then what? 
Edith, dear, you're a woman with a brain and reasonable ability.
Stop whining and find something to do.
I'm going out, Anna.
I've told Mrs Patmore.
I think everything's under control for tonight.
What's the matter? 
Nothing.
Except...
I haven't had a letter from Mr Bates in weeks.
I worry... 
I worry that he's being gallant and trying to set me free, that he wants me to make a new life without him.
I doubt it very much.
Then why would he be silent like this and stop me visiting?
Obviously, I don't know why, but I do know there'd be a good reason.
Do you really think so?
I'd swear to it.
They know you tricked them.
Who knows what?
Mr Durrant's a dealer on the outside.
What's that to do with me?
He's working for your cellmate.
You punched Craig so they set you up, but you hid the stuff, turned the tables on them.
Now they're angry.
And what can they do?
Tell you what they can start doing.
Durrant reported you to the governor for violence.
You're officially a dangerous prisoner.
The governor won't fall for that.
When's the last time your wife came?
How many letters have you received lately?
Thank God. 
What a relief.
I thought she'd given up on me.
Don't thank God till you know what else is in store.
Stop talking!
Go on, then.
Tea spoon, egg spoon, melon spoon, grapefruit spoon, jam spoon,...
Shall I tell you?
All right.
The bouillon spoon.
I thought soup spoons were the same as table spoons? 
So they are, but not for bouillon, which is drunk from a smaller dish.
Off you go now, I must get on.
You're taking a lot of trouble with Alfred.
I feel quite jealous.
I don't know why. 
He asked for help.
You never did.
It's very hard to begin.
Well, find a way, we all have lives to lead.
Could you write to the Bryants to say I want them to have Charlie?
We've already been down this path to no avail. 
I know.
and I know I said a mother's love was worth more than they had to give, but I said it for me, not for him.
My dear, you mustn't do anything until you're absolutely sure.
Mrs Hughes said we all have lives to lead, but that isn't true.
I've got no life.
I exist, but barely. 
We know the route you've taken.
It's good of you to have me here.
I work with others like you to rebuild their lives.
Can't we work together to find a way for you to keep your son? 
With his grandparents,
Charlie can build a life that is whatever he wishes it to be.
You and I working together could never offer him that.
You want me to write to them again.
But leave it vague.
Say Ethel would like them to keep in contact with their son.
I won't change my mind.
Nevertheless, that's what I'll do then they'll be no disappointment.
If you'll forgive me, we've a big dinner tonight.
Good day, ma'am. 
Ethel.
Ethel has had a very hard time of it since she left us.
She's had great difficulty making ends meet.
We know how she solved that problem.
Give my regards to Mr Molesley.
Until we meet again, my dear.
I had a coat.
It's there.
You will help Miss Parks.
Please, Mrs Bird.
Some manners wouldn't go amiss.
I do not believe it's part of my duties to wait on the likes of her.
I'm sorry, but that's what I feel.
I don't want to sound anti-Catholic.
Why not? 
I am.
Not in any real way, I'm sure.
I don't want thumb screws or the rack but there's something of Johnny Foreigner about them.
I've no time to talk but tell them I'm all right.
I'm out of the flat, they haven't stopped me.
Who hasn't stopped you?
Sybil?
'Hello?
'
What's wrong? 
I've just had the most peculiar conversation with Sybil.
She kept on about being out of the flat and nobody had stopped her and...
Stopped her from doing what?
I don't know. 
She suddenly put down the telephone.
Dinner is served, My Lady.
Do you find the War has driven the people back into the churches or further away than ever?
Behold, I stand at the door and knock.
Someone sounds very angry.
Or very wet. 
Or both.
Do you any have luggage, sir? 
I barely have the clothes I stand in.
Where are they? 
They're in the...
Tom! 
What's happened? 
Where's Sybil?
I had to get away, leave her to follow.
I made arrangements.
She'll be on her way now.
Why are you here?
Why must she follow you alone?
I can explain.
There's a dinner going on but I'll tell them you're here. 
No, don't.
No-one must know. 
I'll tell you it all when they're gone.
What's the matter?
Tom!
Get some dry clothes of Matthew's.
I'll come when the coast is clear.
Would you ask Mrs Hughes to sort some food out for him? 
Yes, My Lady.
An idiotic man delivering a village pamphlet. 
Can you imagine, in this weather, at this time of night?
It's Branson. 
He wouldn't come in.
Why not?
Is Sybil with him?
What's going on? 
She's not here but apparently she's coming soon.
He'll explain when our guest has gone.
Something to look forward to.
Other men have normal sons-in-law who farm or preach or serve their country.
No family is ever what it seems.
Do you think he's on the run from the police? 
Don't be daft.
He hadn't the money for a taxi from the station.
Maybe he fancied the walk.
Yes, he probably loves a night walk in the pouring rain.
What room is he in?
I'll take that, thank you.
So there'll be no more gossip on that subject tonight.
They turned everyone out of the castle,
Lord and Lady Drungore, their sons and servants, and then they set fire to it.
What a tragedy. 
Well, yes and no.
That house was hideous, but of course, that is no excuse.
No, it is not.
What was your involvement?
Who says I was involved? 
You know a lot about it if you weren't.
Why are you running away?
And what's Sybil's part in this?
She's not involved. 
They think I was part of it, one of the instigators.
The police are looking for you?
I couldn't go home.
If they took me, I wouldn't get a fair hearing.
You gave them Sybil while you saved yourself?
I don't think they'll hold her, but if they do,
I'm ready to go back and face the consequences. 
You'd better be.
You must see the Home Secretary.
And say what? 
The police say he was there, he says he wasn't.
I didn't say I wasn't there.
Why were you?
For the fun of seeing private property destroyed?
Those places are different for me.
I don't see charm and gracious living.
I see something horrible.
It's a jungle castle, I rather agree. 
Mama, you are not helping.
But when I saw them standing there with their children, all of them in tears watching their home burn,
I was sorry. 
I admit it.
I don't want their type to govern Ireland, I want a free state, but I was sorry.
Never mind that.
What's happened to Sybil?
We agreed that I should leave at once and that she'd close the flat and follow.
I got the last boat so she won't be here before tomorrow. 
Good God!
You abandon a pregnant woman in a land that's not her own while you run for it?
! 
You have to go to London, for Sybil's sake.
You have to see Mr Short. 
I don't have to do anything! 
I... 
Go to bed!
I'll give you my answer in the morning.
Of course, she married beneath her.
Says the Habsburg Archduke!
What if he has to go to prison?
What then?
That's enough of that, thank you, Miss O'Brien.
Bedtime, I think.
I'm going up. 
Good night.
I'll try to keep them quiet, but to be honest, I knew it would happen.
I knew he'd bring shame on this house.
It sounds as if he's on the run from the police and that Lady Sybil is languishing in a dungeon in Dublin.
Let's wait and see what the morning brings.
What in God's name is it?
An electric toaster. 
I've given it to myself as a treat.
If it's any good, I'll suggest one for the upstairs breakfasts.
Is it not enough that we're sheltering a dangerous revolutionary?
Could you not have spared me that?
You've always had that.
Hello.
Can we help you?
I'm here to see Mr Carson.
Who's this?
Jimmy Kent, at your service.
I'm Mr Barrow, His Lordship's valet.
I'm hoping to be His Lordship's footman, which is why I'm looking for Mr Carson.
What's the matter? 
Have you all been turned into pillars of salt?
May I help? 
I've come for the interview.
I see.
Well, if you'll wait there.
I want to make it clear that whatever I do, it's for Sybil and not you.
I find your actions despicable, whatever your beliefs.
You speak of Ireland suffering, and I don't contradict you, but Ireland cannot prosper until this savagery is put away.
Yes, but you must keep Tom out of prison. 
I'll go to London today.
I'll arrange an interview. 
I won't come home till I've seen Short.
Thank you. 
I know it's right. 
For him. 
And for Sybil and this family.
I suppose so. 
Let me know if Sybil gets in touch.
She won't. 
She won't give them anything to trace her by.
What a harsh world you live in.
We all live in a harsh world, but at least I know I do.
I see you've been working for the Dowager, Lady Anstruther.
Yes, but she's closed up the house and gone to live in France.
She begged me to go with her but I didn't fancy it.
I didn't think I'd like the food.
She begged you, did she?
You know what women can be like.
Not, I suspect, as well as you do.
Is it safe?
Right, Charlie, let's put your hat on.
Make you look nice and smart.
Be a good boy for Mummy, yeah?
Yeah.
Come on.
Thank you for letting us come.
Why have we come? 
To hear more guff about a mother's love? 
Mr Bryant, that's not fair. 
Isn't it?
We know what you are now, Ethel.
We know how far you've fallen.
I didn't want Mrs Bryant to be in the same room as you. 
He means...
How do you know? 
It's not hard to find out about a woman like you.
I could give you a list of your clients.
You've had me followed?
Didn't you think we'd keep a check on our grandson?
We're not judging you.
I'm judging her.
I judge her and I find her wanting.
Ethel, we've decided to offer you some money, to make things easier so you won't have to...
Unless you don't want to give it up.
Well, that's very generous, isn't it, Ethel?
It throws a different light on things.
Oh, there's Mrs Bird with the tea.
Would you like to help me, Ethel?
Look what I've got for you.
A teddy. 
That's right.
Should I not take it in, then?
I can do that.
I'm sure I don't need your help.
Thank you, Mrs Bird.
Ethel, you don't have to do this.
You have a choice. 
You mean I should take money from that man?
It won't be much.
Enough to keep us from starving.
Even if Charlie doesn't go to a famous school or university, you'll be there to give him love.
Yeah. 
I suppose Mr Crawley went to a famous school and university.
I see.
Thank you, Mrs Crawley.
When do you want it to happen?
Tomorrow night.
Want Mr Durrant? 
No.
Not him.
Tell Turner, he's straight.
Don't tell him till the afternoon.
Why are you doing this?
Why are you helping me?
I can't stand Craig.
You do that very neatly, my dear.
I was trained by Mrs Hughes.
She was a good worker, even though things haven't gone so well lately.
I hope that you can accept our offer, Ethel, and that we can be friends.
We both wish you well, don't we?
I don't wish you ill. 
I'll say that.
I can't accept your offer.
And we won't be friends.
What?
Not even for Charlie's sake?
I think you love my son, Mr Bryant.
I don't think you're a nice or kind man, but I believe you love my boy.
So you'll be pleased by what I've come here to say.
Any news while I was out?
No. 
Perhaps the Home Secretary won't see him.
Papa will pull some strings until he does.
A-ha, you've started on the Augean task. 
How are you getting on?
Not badly. 
I'm beginning to get a sense of how it works.
It's probably best you tackle it by yourself.
Ah, Carson. 
May we please have some tea? 
Oh, of course, My Lady.
Anna said you're interviewing footmen today. 
That is correct.
Have you chosen the lucky winner?
Not yet. 
There were two candidates when it came down to it.
One was steady but not much else, but the ladies downstairs want the other one.
Why is that?
I don't know precisely, unless it's because he's more handsome.
Of course it's because he's more handsome.
Do pick him and cheer us all up a bit.
Alfred's nice, but he looks like a puppy rescued from a puddle.
This new one seems very sure of himself.
You can manage that, can't you?
I suppose I could, sir.
It's settled, then. 
Tell the maids they can buy their valentines.
So be it, My Lady.
But Alfred is very good, you know.
He's very willing, even if he is Miss O'Brien's nephew.
Clearly, nothing worse could be said of any man.
He'll want to say goodbye.
I give you my blessings for your whole life long, my darling boy.
You won't remember that, or me, but they'll stay with you all the same.
Let's not make a meal of it.
Mummy...
I'll write to you.
I'll never see my son again.
Never is a long time, Ethel, but you were right, he does love Charlie, and not just for his father's sake.
I must be going.
I'll say goodbye.
You've done a hard thing today, Ethel, the hardest thing of all.
You don't agree, do you?
I don't want to make you doubt now that it's happened.
You've done the right thing for the boy, Ethel, whatever Mrs Crawley may say, begging your pardon, ma'am.
Perhaps you're right. 
I am, until we live in a very different world from this one.
Well, then,
I should be away.
What chance is there for a woman like her?
She's taken the road to ruin.
There's no way back.
Stand up! 
Against the wall, the pair of you.
What you looking for?
Just keep quiet.
Mr Turner. 
Well, well.
A very mysterious package, I don't think.
Craig, what do you call this?
I don't know. 
I've done nothing.
You'd better come with us, Craig.
You'll be sorry.
Oh, thank God!
I'm so sorry.
It's all right.
They didn't try to stop me.
It doesn't mean they won't come after us, unless Papa can persuade them otherwise.
How could you have left her to fend for herself?
It wasn't like that. 
We thought this might happen and decided what to do.
The question is what now? 
You must not travel before the baby's born.
Tom wants it to be born in Dublin.
He won't hold you to that now.
Won't this be the first place they look?
How could you be part of it?
The Drungores are like us.
She came out with me, she was Laura Dunsaney then.
How could you dance round her burning house? 
It's horrible. 
He didn't and isn't dancing now.
Come in.
Telegram for you, My Lady.
Your father's coming home.
He's seen Mr Short.
What happened? 
He doesn't say, only that neither of you is to leave Downton.
You're back.
I am.
Anything happened here?
There's a new footman.
Came today. 
How was London?
Quite fun as a matter of fact.
Has the firebrand been saved?
That's not for me to say, is it, Mr Molesley?
I'd better take these upstairs.
You got the job, then?
I'm on my way, Mr Barrow.
They say you were a footman once.
That's right. 
Can I come to you if there's anything I need to know?
Certainly. 
Why not?
Never go back to Ireland?
Impossible. 
You'll be put in prison.
It's the best I could manage.
Surely they need proof to ban a man from his own country.
They have more proof than Tom will concede. 
Is that fair?
He's admitted to being there. 
He's told you. 
But he didn't tell me he attended meetings where attacks on the Anglo-Irish were planned.
I was always against any personal violence, I swear it.
So at least we can sleep in our beds.
Maybe, but you weren't against the destruction of property.
That was worse than I expected.
What was the deal you made with the Home Secretary?
They don't want to make a martyr of him.
With Sybil they think they could have another Maud Gonne or Lady Gregory.
Lady Gregory. 
Countess Markievicz.
Why are the Irish rebels so well born?
Whatever the reason, I don't want Sybil to join their ranks.
Mercifully, nor do the Irish authorities.
If Tom can stay away, they'll leave him alone.
I can't be kept away from Ireland.
You'll be arrested the moment you touch dry land.
Now, then, do what Mr Carson tells you.
I know what I'm about.
Are you all right, Alfred? 
Yes.
Shouldn't I be carrying the pork and you the veg? 
I'm first footman.
Never mind that, go.
Isn't Alfred first footman?
That's for Mr Carson to decide.
By heck, it's nice to think we're running at full strength again.
Really? 
I'm running at full strength with no-one to help.
All in good time, Daisy.
All in good time.
What do you mean you wrote to a newspaper?
No lady writes to a newspaper.
What about Lady Sarah Wilson?
She's the daughter of a duke.
She's a Churchill.
The Churchills are different.
Have we no Churchill blood?
Granny's right.
Can somebody write that down?
It's good to have strong views but notoriety is never helpful.
I've sent it now.
It won't be published.
Thank you for the vote of confidence.
This is our new footman, Mama.
What do we call you? 
Jimmy.
James, Your Ladyship. 
This is James.
Welcome to Downton, James.
Thank you, My Lord.
Well done, Carson.
That must've cheered up the maids.
He looks like a footman in a musical review. 
Poor Alfred.
We mustn't allow him to be overshadowed. 
Quite right, My Lady.
Hard work and diligence weigh more than beauty in the real world.
If only that were true.
I've never been James in my life.
I was Jimmy to Lady Anstruther.
I don't care if you were Father Christmas.
You're James now and will stay James while you're at Downton.
He thinks he's the big cheese, make no mistake.
That's because he is.
He's nice, that new bloke, isn't he?
Why do you say that?
Oh, only an impression, that's all.
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed.
Can you tell the others?
Tomorrow, we'll make some plans.
I don't know how.
You've lived out of Ireland before, surely you can again.
Ireland's coming of age, I need to be part of that, but I know what you've done for me, kept me free, and I am grateful, truly.
Poor chap, I'm sure he is grateful.
No, he's not.
He says it to keep the peace with Sybil.
But I only rescued him for her sake so we're even.
Did you get a chance to look through the books they brought in?
As a matter of fact, I did. 
Could you make them out? 
I think so.
I was waiting for a good moment to discuss them. 
Oh?
Yes. 
There were some aspects of the way things have been done
I wasn't quite sure about.
You sound like Murray.
Do I? 
He's always going on about how we should overhaul this or that.
Nothing's ever right for him.
Well, I hesitate to say it...
We should let them get in here.
We can talk about it another time.
These came for you, Bates.
When? 
When did they come?
They came when you were out of favour.
Now you're in favour again.
Why? 
What have I done?
Just watch out for Mr Durrant.
You're not a favourite with him.
What...
Are you going to take that over me?
I was just making myself some toast.
You have to set the number on the dial and I set it too high but I've got the hang of it now.
Would you like a piece?
I thought Mr Branson might try to burn the house down but I didn't think you would.
No?
You should never take anything for granted, Mr Carson.
No, no, no. 
Not now.
You never told me you went to those meetings.
I never told you I didn't.
What else haven't you told me?
All I know is I can't stay here, not for long.
You must, and so must I.
And you must let the baby be born here.
You're very free with your musts.
I will not be free with our child's chances.
We need peace and safety.
Downton can offer us both.
God in heaven! "Earl's daughter speaks out for women's rights"!
What? "In a letter to this newspaper today
Lady Edith Crawley, daughter of the Earl of Grantham, condemns the limitations of the women's suffrage Bill and denounces the Government's aims to return women to their pre-war existence."
You said they wouldn't print it.
That's most impressive.
Don't say you support her?
Of course I do, and so do you, when you've had a chance to think about it. 
So I should hope.
What do you think, Carson?
I'd rather not say.
Anna... 
Yes?
There's quite a packet of letters arrived for you earlier.
Are they all from Mr Bates?
It looks like it.
Why so many at once?
I neither know nor care, just as long as I've got them.
Thanks for sticking up for me last night.
It won't make any difference.
No, but it's good to know you're on my side.
I am on your side, Alfred.
In fact, there's something I've wanted to say.
You've got my attention. 
Well...
Here we are, Daisy. 
I'd like to introduce Miss Ivy Stuart, the new kitchen maid. 
And this is Daisy, my assistant cook.
My, aren't you a sight for sore eyes, Miss Stuart!
That's enough of that. 
Alfred's a footman, so don't listen to him.
Shoo!
Tell me if you need any help.
Sorry, Daisy, what were you saying?
Nothing. 
Don't matter now.
I hope we're going to get on.
We don't have to get on, we have to work together.
A situation has arisen and I'm not quite sure which way to turn.
Obviously, if you've turned to me.
Robert won't discuss the matter and Mary is affronted by the very mention of it, but given that I've sunk my own fortune alongside everyone else's into... 
Into Downton.
..I feel a duty, apart from anything else, to do what I can.
About?
Downton is being mismanaged, cousin Violet, and something must be done.
The thing is how do I do it without putting people's noses out of joint?
Oh, my dear. 
Oh, I doubt there's a way to achieve that.
You must do what needs to be done, of course, but...
I think I can safely say a great many noses will be out of joint.

- Nothing for me, Mr Carson?
- No, Anna.
Once again, I'm afraid there's nothing for you.
Come on.
I've got enough on my plate, without going into every detail.
You're co-owner of this estate.
You have to get into the detail.
Not to challenge Robert, surely?
You won't have any reason to.
But you have to pull your weight.
That's all I'm saying.
How is Bates?
I've not seen him for a while, sir.
Oh'? 
Why is that?
I'm not quite sure, sir.
They've stopped all his visitors.
Has he given you a reason?
Well, he's not written in quite some time now.
And you don't know why?
No. 
But I'm certain I will, before too long.
Mrs Crawley, how may I help?
I'm sorry to push in on you again, but I didn't have time to come down before dinner and now we're on our way home.
Oh.
Mrs Hughes, you know I went to see Ethel Parks?
I do, ma'am.
Well, she wouldn't speak to me then, but she has since sought me out and asked me to deliver this letter into your hands.
When we last spoke of her, you seemed to think she'd fallen into bad ways?
I'm afraid that's the case.
She has been working as a prostitute.
My, my.
That's not a word you hear in this house every day.
No, but I think it also serves to show the measure of her misery.
Ethel has been driven into this, of that I have no doubt.
If only she would allow me to help her, but she won't.
If this letter can give you any clue as to how I might be helpful, please let me know.
I will, ma'am.
Your sentiments do you credit, but I suspect she will be too ashamed to face how far she's fallen.
- Good night.
- Good night, Mrs Crawley.
So, am I to answer to you both?
Of course not.
What Lord Grantham means is that I have made an investment in the estate.
That is all.
Otherwise, nothing has changed.
Very good.
And can we bring the staff back up to snuff?
I believe we can.
Mrs Hughes is short of a housemaid,
Mrs Patmore wants a kitchen maid and I need a new footman.
Do you, really?
I sometimes feel the world is rather different than it was before the war.
I see. 
I would like to return to my duties as a butler, sir.
But if you prefer that I continue to do the work of a second footman in addition...
Mr Crawley does not mean that at all. 
Do you?
- Certainly not.
- Well, that is good news.
I suppose it's too late to get into shape before the dinner for the Archbishop of York, but it'll be the last time you'll have to fudge it.
I will do my best for the Archbishop, with an added spring in my step.
Why don't you have breakfast in bed?
Because I'm not married.
Yes, but now that...
Now that both of the others are, what difference would it make?
- You know what I mean.
- I prefer to be up and about.
Tennessee is going to ratify the 19th amendment.
Meaning?
All American women will have the vote.
Which is more than they do here.
Well, they almost do.
I don't have the vote.
I'm not over 30 and I'm not a householder.
It's ridiculous.
- You should write to The Times.
- Maybe I will.
Ask your mother if she needs any help with tonight's dinner.
There's nothing so toffee-nosed as a Prince of the Church.
So make sure you put him next to your grandmother.
She'll know how to handle him.
Oh, Anna, you'll be happy to hear that, as soon as we take on a new housemaid, you will be a lady's maid to Lady Mary, at last.
That's nice, Mr Carson. 
Thank you.
I thought you'd be more pleased.
No, lam pleased. 
Really, I'm...
I've just got a lot on my mind. 
Sorry
I have also advertised for a new footman.
He'll be second footman, won't he?
As to that, I will make no pronouncements at this stage.
Try to find a man with something about him, Mr Carson.
I don't like to feel the house isn't being properly represented.
Is that aimed at me?
If the cap fits, wear it.
You're very quiet.
You'll never guess what.
I've had a letter from Ethel.
She wants to meet me, but she won't come here.
What for?
And why not?
I think she'd be uncomfortable.
Why, particularly?
Never you mind.
I think I'll ask Mrs Crawley if we can meet there.
Heaven knows what Ethel wants of us this time.
- Cora said you were looking for me.
- Yes.
I've stolen the nursery as a sitting room for us, and this is the paper.
Unless you hate it.
Oh.
Is that all?
Why? 
What did you think it was?
Cora said you'd been to the doctor earlier.
I wondered why.
To find something for my hay fever.
And what will we use for a day nursery, should the need arise?
I think we can worry about that a little further down the line.
Oh! 
Thank you my dear, that's very kind.
- How much do I owe you?
- A guinea.
A guinea?
For a bottle of scent?
Did he have a mask and a gun?
How are you?
All right, I suppose.
Yes, I worry about you.
That sort of thing is so horrid.
Being jilted at the altar? 
Yes, it is horrid.
Multiplied by about 10,000 million.
You must keep busy.
What with?
There's nothing to do at the house except when we entertain.
Well, there must be something you can put your mind to.
Like what?
Gardening?
Well, no, you can't be as desperate as that.
- Then what?
- Edith, dear, you are a woman with a brain and reasonable ability.
Stop whining and find something to do!
I'm going out, Anna.
I've told Mrs Patmore, and I think everything's under control for tonight. 
But...
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
Except...
Well, I haven't had a letter from Mr Bates in weeks.
I worry...
I worry that he's being gallant and trying to set me free, if he wants me to make a new life without him.
I doubt it very much.
Then why would he be silent like this, and stop me visiting?
Obviously, I don't know why, but I do know there'll be a good reason.
Do you really think so?
I'd swear to it.
- They know you tricked 'em.
- Who knows what?
Mr Durrant's a dealer on the outside.
What's that to do with me?
He's working for your cell mate.
All I know is that you punched Craig, so they set you up, but you hid the stuff they'd planted and turned the tables on them.
Now they're angry.
And what can they do?
I'll tell you what they can start by doing.
Durrant's reported you to the Governor for violence.
You're officially a dangerous prisoner
The Governor won't fall for that.
No? 
So when was the last time your wife came to visit, eh?
How many letters have you received lately?
Thank God.
What a relief.
I thought she'd given up on me.
Don't thank God until you know what else they've got in store for you.
Stop talking!
Go on, then.
Teaspoon. 
Egg spoon.
Melon spoon. 
Grapefruit spoon. 
Jam spoon.
Shall I tell you?
All right.
A bouillon spoon.
But I thought soup spoons were the same as tablespoons.
And so they are. 
But not for bouillon, which is drunk from a smaller dish.
Off you go now.
I must get on.
You're taking a lot of trouble with young Alfred, Mr Carson.
- I feel quite jealous.
- I don't know why.
He asked for help.
You never did.
Hmm.
It's very hard to begin.
Well, find a way, Ethel.
We all have lives to lead.
Could you write to the Bryants?
To say I want them to have Charlie.
We've already been down this path.
- To no avail.
- I know.
And I know I said a mother's love was worth more than all they had to give.
But I said it for me, not for him.
My dear, you mustn't do anything until you are absolutely sure.
Mrs Hughes said we all have lives to lead, but that isn't true.
I've got no life.
I exist, but barely.
- Ethel, we all know the route you've taken.
- It's good of you to have me here.
All I mean is, that I work with others like you, to rebuild their lives.
Can't we work together to find a way for you to keep your son'?
With his grandparents, Charlie can build a life that is whatever he wishes it to be.
With all respect, ma'am, you and I working together could never offer him that.
You want me to write to them again?
But leave it vague.
Say that Ethel would like them to keep in contact with their grandson.
I won't change my mind.
Nevertheless, that's what I'll do.
Then there'll be no disappointment, whatever comes.
Now, if you'll forgive me, we've a big dinner tonight.
Good day, ma'am. 
Ethel.
Ethel has had a very hard time of it since she left us, Mrs Bird.
She's had great difficulty making ends meet.
And we know how she solved that problem.
Give my regards to Mr Molesley.
Until we meet again, my dear.
Oh, I had a coat.
It's there.
You will help Miss Parks, please, Mrs Bird.
Some manners wouldn't go amiss.
I do not believe it is part of my duties to wait on the likes of her.
I'm sorry, but that's what I feel.
I don't want to sound anti-Catholic.
Why not? 
I am.
Not in any real way, I'm sure.
I don't want thumbscrews or the rack, but there always seems to be something of Johnny Foreigner about the Catholics.
I've no time to talk, but tell them I'm all right.
I'm out of the ?
at.
They haven't stopped me.
Who hasn't stopped you? 
Sybil?
Hello?
What's the matter?
I've just had the most peculiar conversation with Sybil.
She kept on about being "out of the flat" and nobody had "stopped her" and...
What do you mean no one had stopped her?
Stopped her from doing what?
That's just it. 
I don't know.
She suddenly put down the telephone.
Dinner is served, milady.
Tell me, Doctor Lang, do you find that the war has driven the people back into the churches or further away than ever?
Behold, I stand at the door and knock.
Someone sounds very angry.
Or very wet.
Or both.
- Do you have any luggage, sir?
- I barely have the clothes I stand in.
- Where are they?
- They're in the...
Tom? 
What's happened'? 
Where's Sybil?
I had to get away and leave her to follow, but I'd made all the arrangements, in case.
She'll be on her way by now.
But why are you here?
And why must she follow you alone?
I can explain.
There's a dinner going on but I'll go and tell them that you're here.
No, don't.
No one must know.
I'll tell you it all when they're gone.
What's the matter?
Tom!
Go upstairs and find some dry clothes of Matthew's.
I'll come for you when the coast is clear.
Would you please ask Mrs Hughes to sort some food out for him?
Yes, milady.
An idiotic man delivering a village pamphlet.
Can you imagine?
In this weather and at this time of night?
It's Branson. 
He wouldn't come in.
Why not? 
ls Sybil with him?
What's going on?
She's not here, but apparently she's coming soon.
He'll explain what's happened when our guest has gone.
Something to look forward to.
Other men have normal families, with sons-in-law who farm or preach or serve their country in the army.
Maybe they do, but no family is ever what it seems from the outside.
Do you think he's on the run from the police?
Don't be so daft.
Well, he hadn't got the money for a taxicab from the station.
Maybe he fancied the walk.
Yes, that's it.
I should think he loves a night walk in the pouring rain without a coat.
- What room is he in?
- I'll take that, thank you, Daisy.
So there'll be no more gossip on that subject tonight.
They turned everyone out of the castle,
Lord and Lady Drumgoole, their sons and all the servants and then they set fire to it.
What a tragedy.
Well, yes and no. 
That house was hideous.
But of course that is no excuse.
No. 
It is not.
- But what was your involvement?
- Who says I was involved?
Well, you seem to know a lot about it if you weren't!
And why are you running away?
And what was Sybil's part in all this?
She's not involved, not at all.
But they think I was part of it.
They think I was one of the instigators.
So the police are looking for you?
That's why I couldn't go home.
I knew if they took me, I wouldn't get a fair hearing.
You mean you gave them Sybil while you saved yourself?
I don't think they'll hold her, but if they do, then I'm prepared to go back and face the consequences.
You'd damn well better be!
- You must see the Home Secretary.
- And tell him what?
The police say he was there.
He says he wasn't!
I didn't say I wasn't there.
Why were you?
For the fun of seeing private property destroyed?
Those places are different for me.
I don't look at them and see charm and gracious living.
I see something horrible.
With Drumgoole Castle I rather agree.
Mama, you are not helping.
But when I saw them turned out, standing there with their children, all of them in tears, watching their home burn,
I was sorry. 
I admit it.
I don't want their type to govern Ireland.
I want a free state.
But I was sorry.
Never mind that. 
What's happened to Sybil?
We agreed that I should leave at once and that she'd close the flat and follow.
But I got the last boat, so she won't be here before tomorrow.
Good God Almighty!
You abandon a pregnant woman, in a land that's not her own?
You leave her to shift for herself while you run for it?
You have to go to London, Robert.
For Sybil's sake, if not for his, you have to see Mr Shortt.
I don't "have" to do anything!
- I never meant...
- Go to bed!
I'll give you my answer in the morning.
Of course, she married beneath her.
And who are you, then, a Hapsburg archduke?
What if he has to go to prison? 
What then?
That's quite enough of that, thank you, Miss O'Brien.
Bedtime, I think.
- I'm going up.
- Good night.
I'll try to keep them quiet, but, to be honest, I knew it would happen.
I knew he would bring shame on this house.
It sounds as if he's on the run from the police and, for all we know,
Lady Sybil is languishing in a dungeon somewhere in Dublin.
Let's wait and see what the morning brings.
What in God's name is it?
An electric toaster.
I've given it to myself as a treat.
If it's any good, I'm going to suggest getting one for the upstairs breakfasts.
Is it not enough that we're sheltering a dangerous revolutionary, Mrs Hughes?
Could you not have spared me that?
Hello.
- Can we help you?
- I'm here to see Mr Carson.
Who's this?
Jimmy Kent, at your service.
I'm Mr Barrow. 
His Lordship's valet.
And I'm hoping to be his Lordship's footman.
Which is why I'm looking for Mr Carson.
What's the matter?
Have you all been turned into pillars of salt?
May I help?
I've come for the interview.
I see.
Well, if you'll, er, wait there.
I want to make it quite clear that whatever I do,
I am doing it for Sybil and not for you!
I find your actions despicable, whatever your beliefs.
You speak of Ireland's suffering and I do not contradict you.
But Ireland cannot prosper until this savagery is put away.
That's all very well, Papa, but you must keep Tom out of prison.
I'll go to London today.
I'll telephone Murray and ask him to arrange an interview.
I won't come home until I've seen Shortt.
Thank you. 
I know it's right.
- It's right for him.
- And for Sybil and for this family.
I suppose so.
Let me know if Sybil gets in touch.
She won't.
She won't want to give them anything to trace her by.
What a harsh world you live in.
We all live in a harsh world.
But at least I know I do.
I see you've been working for the Dowager Lady Anstruther?
Yes. 
But she's closed up the house and gone to live in France.
She begged me to go with her, but I didn't fancy it.
I didn't think I'd like the food.
I see. 
She "begged" you, did she?
You know what women can be like.
Not, I suspect, as well as you do.
Right, Charlie, let's get your hat on.
Make you look nice and smart.
- Be a good boy for Mummy, yeah?
- Yeah.
Come on.
Thank you for letting us come.
And why have we come?
To hear more guff about a mother's love?
Mr Bryant, that's not fair!
Isn't it?
We know what you are now, Ethel.
We know how far you've fallen.
I didn't want to let Mrs Bryant in the same room as you, but she insisted.
- What Mr Bryant means...
- How could you know about me?
Do you think it's so difficult to find out about a woman like you?
I could give you a list of your clients.
You mean you've had me followed?
What?
Didn't you think we'd keep a check on our grandson?
We're not judging you...
"m judging her.
I judge her and I find her wanting
Ethel, we've decided to offer you some money.
To make things easier.
So that you won't have to...
Unless you don't want to give it up.
Well, that's very generous, isn't it, Ethel?
It throws a different light on things.
Oh. 
There's Mrs Bird with the tea.
Would you like to help me, Ethel?
Charlie, look what I've got for you.
- A teddy.
- That's right.
Should I not take it in, ma'am?
- I can do that.
- I'm sure I don't need your help.
Thank you, Mrs Bird.
Ethel, you don't have to do this.
You have a choice.
You mean I should take money from that man?
It won't be much.
Enough to keep us from starving, but not much more.
But even if Charlie doesn't go to a famous school or university, you'll be there to give him love.
Yet I suppose Mr Crawley went to a famous school and university.
I see.
Thank you, Mrs Crawley.
When do you want it to happen?
Tomorrow night.
- But not Mr Durrant?
- No.
Any other warder but him.
Tell Turner about it. 
He's straight.
But don't tell him 'til the afternoon.
Why are you doing this?
Why are you helping me?
I can't stand Craig.
You do that very neatly, my dear.
I was trained by Mrs Hughes.
She was a good worker.
Even though things haven't gone so well lately.
I hope that you can accept our offer, Ethel, and that we can be friends.
Because we both wish you well, don't we, dear?
I don't wish you ill. 
I'll say that.
I can't accept your offer.
And we won't be friends.
What? 
Not even for Charlie's sake?
I think you love my son, Mr Bryant.
I don't think you're a nice man, or a kind one, but I believe you love my boy.
So you'll be pleased by what I've come here to say.
Any news while I was out?
No.
Perhaps the Home Secretary won't see him.
Papa'll pull some strings until he does.
A-ha. 
You've started on the Augean task.
How are you getting on?
Not badly. 
I'm beginning to get a sense of how it all works.
In a way, it's probably best you tackle it by yourself.
Ah, Carson. 
May we please have some tea?
Of course, milady.
Anna said you were interviewing footmen today.
That is correct.
Have you chosen the lucky winner?
Not yet.
There were two candidates when it came down to it.
One was steady, but not much else, but the ladies downstairs want the other one.
Why is that?
I don't know precisely, unless it's because he's more handsome.
Of course it's because he's more handsome.
Oh, do pick him, Carson, and cheer us all up a bit.
Alfred's nice, but he does look like a puppy who's been rescued from a puddle.
Well, this new one seems very sure of himself.
You can manage that, can't you?
I suppose I could, sir.
Well, it's settled, then.
Tell the maids they can buy their valentines.
So be it, milady.
But Alfred is very good, you know.
He's very willing, even if he is Miss 0'Brien's nephew.
Clearly, nothing worse could be said of any man.
You'll want to say goodbye.
I give you my blessings for your whole life long, my darling boy.
Yes.
You won't remember that or me, but they'll stay with you all the same.
Let's not make a meal of it.
- Mummy.
- Come on.
I'll write to you.
I'll never see my son again.
Never is a long time, Ethel.
But you were right.
He does love Charlie.
And not just for his father's sake.
Well, I must be going. 
I'll say goodbye.
You've done a hard thing, today, Ethel.
The hardest thing of all.
You don't agree, do you?
I don't want to make you doubt, now that it's happened.
You've done the right thing for the boy, Ethel.
Whatever Mrs Crawley may say.
Begging your pardon, ma'am.
Perhaps you're right.
I am, until we live in a very different world from this one.
Well, then.
I should be away.
What chance is there for a woman like her?
She's taken the road to ruin.
There's no way back.
Stand up. 
Against the wall, the pair of ya!
- What are you looking for?
- Just keep quiet.
Mr Turner.
Well, well, a very mysterious package.
I don't think.
Craig, what do you call this?
I don't know. 
I've done nothing.
You'd better come with us, Craig.
You'll be sorry.
Oh, thank God.
I'm so sorry.
It's all right.
They didn't try to stop me.
But it doesn't mean they won't come after us, unless Papa can persuade them otherwise.
Tom, how could you have left her all alone, to fend for herself?
It wasn't like that. 
We thought this might happen and we'd decided what to do.
The question is, what now?
You mustn't travel any more.
Not before the baby's born.
But Tom wants it to be born in Dublin.
He won't hold you to that now.
Won't this be the first place that they look?
How could you be part of it?
The Drumgooles are like us.
She came out with me.
She was Laura Dunsany then.
How could you dance round her burning house, Tom? 
It's horrible.
He didn't dance and he isn't dancing now.
Come in.
A telegram for you, milady.
Your father's coming home.
He's seen Mr Shortt.
And what happened?
He doesn't say.
Only that neither of you is to leave Downton.
You're back.
I am.
Anything happened here?
There's a new footman. 
Came today.
- How was London?
- Quite fun, as a matter of fact.
Has the firebrand been saved?
That's not for me to say, is it, Mr Molesley?
Now, I'd better take these upstairs.
You got the job, then?
I'm on my way, Mr Barrow.
They say you were a footman once.
That's right.
So can I come to you if there's anything I need to know?
Certainly. 
Why not?
I can never go back to Ireland?
That's impossible!
If you do, you'll be put in prison.
It's the best I could manage.
Surely they need proof, to ban a man from his own country?
They have more proof than Tom will concede.
Is that fair? 
He's admitted to being there.
He's told you so himself.
But he did not tell me that he attended Dublin meetings where the attacks on the Anglo-Irish were planned.
I was always against any personal violence.
I swear it.
Oh, so at least we can sleep in our beds.
Maybe. 
But you were not against the violent destruction of property.
I've told you. 
The sight of it was worse than I expected.
So what was the deal you managed to extract from the Home Secretary?
They don't want to make a martyr of him.
And with Sybil, they think they could have another Maud Gonne on their hands, or Lady Gregory or worse, if they're not careful.
Lady Gregory, Countess Markievicz, why are the Irish rebels so well-born?
Whatever the reason, I don't want Lady Sybil Branson to join their ranks.
Mercifully, nor do the Irish authorities.
If Tom can stay away, they'll leave him alone.
I can't be kept away from Ireland.
You'll be arrested the moment you touch dry land.
Now then, do what Mr Carson tells you.
- I know what I'm about.
- Are you all right, Alfred?
Yes, but shouldn't I be carrying the pork and Jimmy the veg? 
I am first footman.
- Never mind that. 
Up you go.
- I think Alfred's right.
- Isn't he first footman, like he says?
- That's for Mr Carson to decide.
By heck it's nice to think we're running at full strength again.
Really? 
I'm running at full strength and always have been with no one to help me, neither.
All in good time, Daisy. 
All in good time.
What do you mean you wrote to a newspaper?
No lady writes to a newspaper.
What about Lady Sarah Wilson?
She's the daughter of a duke, and she worked as a war journalist.
She's a Churchill.
The Churchills are different.
Have we no Churchill blood?
I think Granny is right.
Can somebody write that down?
It's good to have strong views, but notoriety is never helpful.
Well, I've sent it now.
It won't be published.
Thank you for the vote of confidence, Papa.
This is our new footman, Mama.
- What should we call you?
- Jimmy.
James, your Ladyship.
This is James.
- Welcome to Downton, James.
- Thank you, milord.
Well done, Carson.
That must have cheered up the maids.
He looks like a footman in a musical review.
Poor Alfred. 
We mustn't allow him to be completely overshadowed.
Quite right, milady.
Hard work and diligence weigh more than beauty in the real world.
If only that were true.
I've never been James in my life.
I was Jimmy to Lady Anstruther.
I don't care if you were Father Christmas to Lady Anstruther.
You are James now, and you will stay James while you are at Downton.
He thinks he's the big cheese and no mistake.
That's 'cause he is the big cheese.
He's nice that new bloke, isn't he?
Why do you say that?
Oh, only an impression, that's all.
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed.
Can you tell the others?
Tomorrow we'll make some plans.
I don't know how.
You've lived out of Ireland before.
Surely you can again.
But Ireland is coming of age now and I need to be part of that.
But I know what you've done for me.
I know you've kept me free.
And I am grateful. 
Truly.
Poor chap. 
I'm sure he is grateful.
No, he's not.
He says it to keep the peace with Sybil.
But then I only rescued him for Sybil's sake, so I suppose we're even.
Did you get a chance to look through the books they brought in?
As a matter of fact, I did.
- Could you make head or tail of them?
- I think so. 
Yes.
I was waiting for a good moment to discuss them.
Oh?
Yes, there were some aspects of the way things have been done
- that I wasn't quite sure about.
- You sound like Murray.
Do I?
He's always banging on about how we should overhaul this or overhaul that.
Nothing's ever right for him.
Well, I hesitate to say it...
Come on. 
We should let them get in here.
We can talk about it another time if you really want to.
These came for you, Bates.
When?
- When did they come?
- They came when you were out of favour.
Now you're in favour again.
Why? 
What have I done?
Just watch out for Mr Durrant.
You're not a favourite with him.
Oh, my...
Oh! 
Are you going to tip that over me?
I was just making myself some toast.
You have to set the number on the dial and I had it up too high, but I've got the hang of it now.
Would you like a piece?
I was worried that Mr Branson might take it into his head to burn the house down.
But I didn't think that you would.
No? 
You should never take anything for granted, Mr Carson.
No, no, no, no, not now!
You never told me you went to those meetings.
I never told you I didn't.
And what else haven't you told me?
All I know is I can't stay here.
Not for long.
You must.
And so must I.
And you must let the baby be born here.
You're very free with your musts.
But I will not be free with our child's chances.
We need peace and safety.
Downton can offer us both.
God in heaven!
"Earl's daughter speaks out for women's rights."
What?
"In a letter to this newspaper today,
"Lady Edith Crawley, daughter of the Earl of Grantham,
"condemns the limitations of the women's suffrage bill
"and denounces the Government's aims to return women to their pre-war existence."
You said they wouldn't print it.
Well done. 
That's most impressive.
Don't say you support her.
Of course I support her, and so do you, really, when you've had a chance to think about it.
So I should hope, anyway.
What do you think, Carson?
I would rather not say, milord.
Anna?
Yes.
There's quite a packet of letters arrived for you earlier.
Are they all from Mr Bates?
It looks like it.
Why so many at once?
Oh, I neither know nor care, just so long as I've got them.
Thanks for sticking up for me last night.
It won't make any difference.
Oh, no. 
But it's good to know you're on my side.
I am on your side, Alfred.
In fact, there's something I've been wanting to say.
You've got my attention.
- Well...
- Ah, here we are, Daisy!
I'd like to introduce Miss Ivy Stuart, the new kitchen maid.
And this is Daisy, my assistant cook.
My, but aren't you a sight for sore eyes, Miss Stuart?
That's enough of that.
Alfred's a footman, so you'll know enough not to listen to a word he says. 
Shoo!
Tell me if you need any help.
Sorry, Daisy. 
What were you saying?
Nothing. 
It don't matter now.
I hope we're going to get on.
We don't have to get on.
We have to work together.
A situation has arisen and I'm not quite sure which way to turn.
Well, obviously, if you've turned to me.
Robert won't discuss the matter.
And Mary is affronted by the very mention of it.
But given that I've sunk my own fortune, alongside everyone else's into...
Into, into Downton.
I feel a duty, apart from anything else, to do what I can.
About?
Downton is being mismanaged, Cousin Violet, and something must be done.
The thing is, how do I do it without putting people's noses out of joint?
Oh, my dear, oh, I doubt there is a way to achieve that.
I mean, you must do what needs to be done, of course.
But, oh, I think I can safely say a great many noses will be out of joint.

Subtitles by DramaFever
Don't look so upset.
Youth is full of ups and downs.
-We just followed our passionate hearts.
-They want us to bring our parents in.
Isn't your mom expecting the baby in two days?
They just can't control themselves.
You guys stay out, I'll take all the blame.
Acting cool...
With your grades, it won't work.
-I'll take care of this.
-No.
Any way you look at it, I should be the one to go.
Look at all you...
Let's all go together.
I'll get the first beating.
Good.
The title is, "Who Picked the Fire Red Rose?"
You punks watched an adult movie?
How brave of you.
So...
Who picked the rose?
I watched it to learn English.
Where are you from?
You punk!
Who started it?
!
Who suggested watching it?
!
Come out!
You're not going to admit it?
Die together, live together.
Is that it?
Some loyalty.
Who's the instigator?
Who is it?
!
It was me.
I did it.
What do you want?
Yes.
He did it.
I'm sure he did it.
I wish he hadn't done it.
You heard?
Get down in push-up position!
Yes, sir.
By the way...
You don't remember seeing me in Pusan?
I was born and raised in Seoul.
Really?
You look so familiar.
-What does your dad do?
-Teacher, Jung Rok is running away.
Running away?
!
You!
Stop right there!
Then and now, we don't remember who picked the fire-red rose.
In our friendship, I was the only instigator.
Gentleman's Dignity
Episode 4
What did you say to Se Ra?
The kid left without saying anything.
What kid?
You've seen a kid with a B-cup bra size?
Is it my fault she's a brat?
How can you call her a brat?
What did you say to Se Ra?
I know you don't like Se Ra, but she's much older than you.
And she's someone that I love.
You can at least be respectful.
Fine.
I'll be careful.
Ask her what I said to her.
-I want to start a one-sided love.
-With who?
-You.
-You who?
Me?
With me?
I won't take no for an answer.
So you plan on developing a crush on me... and you're telling me that to my face?
It's sort of like a presentation.
I'm laying out the details and descriptions of my crush.
If you're curious about anything, feel free to ask me.
Are you Seo Yi Soo?
I'm supposed to meet you today.
Hi, I'm Seo Yi Soo.
That's how she acts towards other guys...
It's good to meet you.
But...
Oh, he is...
I'm still here from her first blind date.
Candidate #2 should make plans to meet another day.
Kim Do Jin...
I can't understand this situation.
You're mistaken.
I'll explain everything...
You may be mistaken now, but if you see the next situation, you'll understand.
It's a stereotypical situation.
Let's go.
Why are you doing this?
You get bored once every season?
Se Ra planned this meeting.
What am I going to tell her?
She knows him well.
So why didn't you tell her the truth?
That you can't go on a blind date.
Because you like her boyfriend, Im Tae San.
You're going home, right?
Why are you doing this to me?
I told you the reason twice already.
You keep forgetting.
I don't think it's something you can easily forget.
Are you having fun playing around with me?
I let it go because I felt sorry and because you knew my secret...
I'm not a forceful little kid who would do this for fun.
What's wrong with a forceful little kid?
It's better than a selfish man.
I read that you don't believe in marriage because you don't want to share your money with the family.
And you want to have a crush?
You think that's easy?
Was it a good article?
The picture came out nice?
You could totally see the wrinkles around your eyes.
You must have looked at it very carefully for a long time.
Searching through an architectural magazine...
You must have some feelings for me.
Why are you denying it?
I didn't search through it.
It was just coincidence.
You mean it was like fate.
See? 
You're always kidding around.
No sincerity.
Just because I'm smart and handsome, you think I'm insincere?
-You take classes for public speaking?
-Not everyone can give a presentation.
So you're really going to start your one-sided love with me?
What if I say no?
Why would you say no?
I'm not asking you to invent anything.
Did you like Tae San with his permission?
-I don't show it on the outside.
-Is that why you got caught?
That's...
Forget it.
I'm going.
See you next season.
Your phone is on.
How come you're not picking up? 
I'm getting worried.
You left without telling me anything. 
Are you out drinking with friends? 
Call me when you see this message.
I'll go pick you up. 
Why are you walking home?
You didn't meet Do Jin?
I saw him for a minute.
Se Ra's not in yet?
I think she's drinking somewhere.
I want to drink, too.
Was it two strikes, two balls?
Or was it two strikes, three balls?
Oh... 
I can't remember.
So what happened?
That's when the batter grumpily said this:
"It doesn't matter.
I'm going to strike out anyway."
"Let's just play ball."
This reminds me of the first day that you came to umpire.
It was the beginning of summer.
You remember that?
I'd never seen an umpire that sweated more than the players.
Oh, I see...
You should forget those kinds of embarrassing moments.
You were pretty.
A woman who's as crazy about baseball as I am.
That's hot.
Is Do Jin the 20 second man that you mentioned to Se Ra?
No?
Then who?
You alone like him?
Someone we know?
Do Jin knows, but you probably don't.
Do Jin knows?
He found out.
Even after he knows, he still went to see you.
He really must be interested in you.
What?
I'm sorry, but I have to go.
I'm going to have to use the store driver.
I think I know where Se Ra may be.
I'll call for a cab...
No, I'm okay.
You can go.
I hope you can find Se Ra.
Thanks.
Get home safely.
Put on my tab.
I didn't want to interfere.
So I waited here quietly.
You weren't keeping an eye on me, worried that I would go meet another guy?
The way you talk...
What happened?
Why aren't you picking up the phone?
Hello.
Pro Hong, it's so hard to see you these days.
We didn't treat you well here at the golf range?
-You're not going out to the tournament?
I am.
Let's go out to the field one day.
It seems like your shoulder is up a bit too much.
You got even prettier.
Call me.
Don't start anything.
He's the owner here.
I'm the owner of your shoulder.
Excuse me.
If you have interest in any part of Pro Hong's body, please call me.
Her shoulder, her eyes, everything from her head to toe, belong to me.
Your boyfriend is an architect?
Recently, I just built a building.
If I knew, I would've asked for your help.
-Oh, I know this building.
-Maybe the building's too grand for your scale?
We don't deal with this type of construction.
You gave 5 billion won as tip.
I'm sure that was all your father's money.
Don't worry.
You only have to be careful when it's your own business.
Should we drink something?
-I didn't do anything wrong.
-I know, you did well.
I like it when you do that.
So fearless.
You look sexy.
I seem to be getting sexier than you these days. 
You need to catch up.
Okay.
What happened with Me Ah Ri?
She did something?
No, I did her wrong.
She didn't say anything?
I yelled at her, so I think she felt bad about what she did.
I don't think Me Ah Ri will ever like me.
Don't try too hard.
Look.
These are the women in my life.
There are three lines.
You have three women?
This is my mom.
This is Me Ah Ri.
This is Hong Se Ra.
Don't worry about what Me Ah Ri says.
I don't know if we'll get married, but you're one of my love lines.
You'll always be a part of me.
You know it's our 1 year anniversary soon?
What do you want?
Don't ask for any shoes, bag, ring, necklace, or any other luxurious items.
-I knew you wouldn't get me anything shiny.
-You're the only shine I need in my life.
Go get washed up.
You're a little less shiny than usual.
You should've come earlier.
Tae San was here.
-By himself?
-No, with our coffee shop customer.
(Singing CN Blue 
- Intuition) 
How did you know I was here? 
We're not supposed to meet until next season.
-She drank all this?
-It's her 2nd bottle.
It's not good for her...
I hope she comes often.
-You should get going.
-You know him?
But I've seen someone that looks exactly like you.
-At a cafe.
-I'm sure he was unforgettably handsome.
No, he was a grease-ball.
She must be drunk.
Should I call a cab?
I'll take care of her.
Can you walk?
Seo Yi Soo?
I'm sending you my compliments.
Right...
The punishment.
You're still getting punished?
Water...
Water...
Where's the door?
You missed the timing.
Even without screaming, you look totally chaste right now.
Where am I?
I was just at the bar with you.
That was 5 hours and 10 minutes ago.
This is a hotel.
Then, for 5 hours...
I looked at you.
-Did you?
-I'm sorry if you were hoping otherwise.
But I don't do anything without the partner's consent.
Reaction is very important to me.
Re..
What?
Since you regained your consciousness, I'm going to ask for your consent.
What do you think?
Stop.
You didn't do anything well.
-Are you talking to me?
-Of course, I'm thankful you took care of me.
But, this is not right.
It's not like you don't know where I live.
If you were going to take care of me, you should've brought me home.
Why would you come to a hotel?
What man will take a drunken woman safely back home?
Especially a woman he has a crush on.
Hey...
You lured me first.
You said you don't like sad goodbyes.
-You don't remember?
-I said that?
Please don't go, go, go.
I don't like sad good-byes. 
I love you.
Please come back to me. 
Step by step...
1,2,3... 
I will erase you with time. 
Step by step.
1, 2, 3... 
Day by day, it'll be painful. 
It's so painful.
Really...
Come this way.
Stay here.
I'll be back with water.
-Do you remember?
-No, not at all.
I don't remember anything.
Why?
Are you that forgetful?
You can't remember anything.
How did you pass the teacher exam with that brain of yours?
Should I write down everything on your body, so you can remember?
-Perhaps.
-You don't think I can do it?
Yes, I swear we won't have anything to do with each other anymore.
-You shouldn't swear anything.
-I'm going.
Do you know where my bag is?
I told you not to swear anything.
-There's nobody passing by now?
-No.
But there is somebody coming this way.
Passing by, coming by... 
I told you to let me know when there's no one around.
This is a new experience for me.
I've never left the hotel without doing anything.
Is someone around or not?
I found a middle-aged woman likely to be suspicious of you.
She's your next door neighbor.
Amen.
Did she pass?
Not yet.
Another one came out from the house in front of yours.
Another one from next door.
Is there a big sale going on today?
Hey...
What time is it?
-10 AM.
-Yi Soo didn't come home.
That's not what's important.
Should I leave through the window?
Why did you fall asleep?
You should've woken me up.
-Are we having an affair?
-Forget it, go back to sleep.
Why today?
Socrates believed that virtue is knowledge and vice is ignorance.
He believed this kind of life was happiness, and an ethical life.
So you're saying it's ethical to covet your friend's boyfriend?
What about drinking with a guy and going to a hotel?
What's wrong with her?
I'll be holding one-on-one conferences.
Come see me in your number order.
You didn't fill in your future career goal.
There's nothing you want to be?
When I was your age, I had more than 10 things.
What did you want to be?
Teacher, singer, author, baseball player, racing model, etc...
A racing model?
You saw me when I was 19?
At your age, anything is possible and achievable.
Even if it looks impossible, it doesn't matter.
-There is one thing.
-I told you. 
What is it?
Tell me.
I'll write it in for you.
Ethics teacher's young husband.
Kim Dong Hyub!
Fine.
Then...
-Government worker's husband.
-You...
Hey, if you want to marry a government worker, you have to at least go to college.
But I'm handsome.
Drink it.
Don't space out during class time.
He's making me age.
ChoiYoon.
That girl...
Im Me Ah Ri.
ImTaeSan.
What?
Why am I not here?
Hotel?
Are you playing around with my brother and Do Jin?
He's not even interested in me.
That's true.
So what did you do at the hotel?
What do you mean what?
We did what everyone else does.
-Really?
-Yeah.
I threw up.
You got him.
You threw up.
Sir, let me get this.
-You're making a bag?
-Yes, it's Yoon's birthday soon.
Oh, right.
I have a gift for you.
Your gifts are not welcoming. 
The incident that happened after eating your chocolate...
That incident is still clinging onto my ankles.
Take a look first before saying anything.
I cut this out when I was cutting out Yoon's picture.
You think I'm 16?
He's so young here.
You're right.
Yoon has sad yet beautiful eyes.
If he was a season, it would be the rainy, monsoon season.
If I knew you were so expressive, I'd have pushed you to become a poet.
I'm going to go to an uninhabited island with Yoon.
I'm going to ride a bicycle wearing a blue dress.
I'm going to make him fall for me.
You think there's a bicycle on an uninhabited island?
Your thinking is so rash.
You don't know...
I have a really meticulous plan.
What's that plan?
I'm here to sue Im Tae San.
Im Tae San is forcing me, his sister, to like his girlfriend.
I'm suffering serious psychological stress as a result.
I'm a lawyer working for Hwa Dam.
I'm suing Hong Se Ra.
Hong Se Ra is dating Im Tae San.
She looks like a nine-tailed fox...
We have a court case at 2, right?
What're you doing after?
Should we go for a drink?
I know a good place.
-I'm suing Seo Yi Soo.
-Why Ms. Seo now?
She punished me with 100 squats for a petty reason.
She mistreated her student...
Fine.
Let's start the case.
I charge 500,000 won every hour.
Oh, I should've thought more about it.
Good-bye.
What is it?
What?
The car starts shaking when I speed up.
-Are you going on a field trip tomorrow?
-A field trip?
It's not just your car that's shaking.
You look like you're shaking, too.
-You have good news?
-What good news...
Is it ready?
Did you find a studio?
Yeah, I did.
Where is it?
It's close to my office.
It must be finished.
Sir, the inspection is finished.
But the rear wheel should be changed.
Really?
-I didn't know.
-You should change it to the one my Betty has.
That one.
There's good traction on rainy days.
So when you're driving on rainy days, what part of Me Ah Ri's the prettiest?
Her eyes, nose...
You...
Oh...
She has pretty eyes and nose.
-And?
-I'll get them changed since I'm here already.
Okay.
Please wait a minute.
What else is pretty?
Her lips?
They used such good paper to print this...
-Don't you have something to apologize about?
-Me? 
For what?
Why did you go on the blind date when you have a man?
Do you know how badly I felt when I met the guy I set you up with?
He said some guy took you out by the hand.
Sorry for putting you in that position.
I didn't expect it either.
You don't even have anyone to drink coffee with.
You didn't foresee this coming?
Who is it?
You spent the night with that guy, too?
Don't ask me.
I'm not going to answer.
I'll get it.
Are you expecting a package?
Where's the dumbbell?
I'm going to work out.
In my room.
Who is it?
836?
Who sent me this?
It's for me.
Really?
What is it?
I don't know...
It's so pretty.
You've got skills.
Getting brand-name shoes.
Brand-name?
You've got no manners.
That's a limited edition.
It's worth 1,300,000 won.
-What?
-She doesn't even know the worth.
This guy...
Seriously...
I'm dying to know.
Who is it?
Why isn't he picking up?
Maybe it's not him.
It's gotta be him.
I'm going in for a minute.
What's going on?
It's not even time for lunch yet.
Why aren't you picking up the phone?
I called you so many times.
This...
You sent it, right?
You should wear shoes, not carry them.
They don't fit?
What's the meaning of this?
-I can't take this.
-Why not?
I just wanted to do something special for my crush.
Who spends 1,300,000 won on their crush?
You should spend less than 100,000 won if you don't want to overwhelm the recipient.
This is just showing off money.
I call it sale of merchandise.
Also a gift.
Fine.
I understand.
Eun Ji!
What?
What size shoes do you wear?
245.
I can give them to her, right?
Shoes?
Who is this?
She's my crush, Seo Yi Soo.
Crush?
I'll try them on.
-You're done here, right?
-Who is she?
Who do you think?
Don't get mistaken.
I don't have a younger sister.
She's not my relative either.
Is this the attitude of someone with a crush?
If I have a crush, I can't sleep with anyone else?
-You think you make sense?
-Why not?
What?
Are you going to sleep with me?
-Are you crazy?
-Why are you getting so mad?
You like someone else, too.
You want me to be faithful just to you?
For your info, this condo has a free delivery service.
Next time, you don't need to make the trip up.
Sorry.
I had a visitor this morning.
It wasn't a visitor that stayed over from last night?
I had that, too.
-Where's Yoon?
-I told him we were too busy to meet up.
-We're leaving him out?
-He deserves it.
-He left my house, and moved in with his in-laws.
-He didn't get his own studio?
That's why we are here.
His mother-in-law called last night.
She wants us to convince him.
You still think Yoon's the smartest one?
He's definitely the warmest one.
What do we do about him?
Mother, your cooking is going to make me fat.
Don't worry about dinner.
I have plans to see friends, and there's also a work gathering.
I know.
It's difficult.
-What?
-It's difficult to cook for my son-in-law at this age.
I'll be good to you.
What more can you do?
You were more than good to me.
I don't want to see you around anymore.
I'm being thick-skinned, but I'll use this house and return it when I die.
-Mother.
-It's been 4 years since Jung Ah left.
-Please don't do this.
-You're still young.
I was really grateful to you.
But stop being my son-in-law now.
You should go to sleep.
Your friends came and took everything.
I helped, too.
There's no room here for you.
Was Jung Ah always this pretty?
When they were dating, I reserved rooms for them numerous times.
He's so faithful.
4 years is a bit too much though.
This is my style.
-You're here.
-Whose idea was it?
-It was his.
-His idea.
-You trust me, right?
-I'll kill you.
Where should I put this?
-It's almost finished, so let's go out.
-Where?
Don't you know there's only one of everything in this house?
He's been living here alone for 6 years.
Everything is so nice these days.
-You want one?
-As dowry?
-No thanks, I just need you.
-I know you should be grateful to have me.
The design keeps changing.
Everything at home is so old-fashioned.
Should I get you one?
Thank you!
Oh, Hae Ju!
Is today a special day?
Is it our anniversary?
No...
Your birthday?
That passed...
These days, nothing satisfies my hunger.
Sit.
Yes, ma'am.
I'm sure you have no appetite.
I'm sure...
You're eating too many snacks.
What do you mean no appetite?
I could even digest steel.
-You're going to eat it?
-Eat what?
You don't know?
What're you talking about?
Are you dumb?
What?
Are you crazy?
Spit it out!
Min Sook, I love you.
Love?
You swallowed that, and what?
Love?
!
My heart is breaking.
I'm sick, honey.
No, you're not, honey.
Honey.
Do you know something?
You're inside me.
Shut up!
I will.
An educated man like you...
How can you get caught every time?
-You even have so much experience.
-Min Sook really is something else.
How can she find that ring every time?
This ring is so much trouble.
-You saw Hae Ju again?
-Hae Ju?
The girl that dumped him for the accountant?
Baek Hae Ju?
See?
Yoon's the smartest.
You did no good...
Let's find the ring first.
You want a pot or newspaper?
-Who's going to look through it?
-The one who made the poop.
-That's not fair.
-Shut up and listen.
You must keep the peace in your family.
Why?
Because your family's peace is our peace.
Furthermore, it's peace for the 70 members of Hwa Dam family.
-And peace for the 20 employees of our law office.
-What about my happiness?
Not important.
If your marriage ends up in a divorce, Tae San and Do Jin will become war casualties.
I'll become a war victim, and you'll become a war orphan.
-You understand?
-I understand.
So you must be responsible, and poop quickly.
-What're you doing?
-Getting ready to wipe your poop.
With that paper?
-Resolution.
-Park Min Sook, Choi Seo Si, Jung Sang Suk...
As Lee Jung Rok's good friend, and Park Min Sook's lawyer...
He complained often of the troubles in marriage...
I, Kim Do Jin, will not pick up Lee Jung Rok's phone calls after 10 pm.
I found the ring.
You rotten...
Don't come near.
Get him.
Let's feed it to him again.
-Come here.
-Why?
Jung Rok, Do Jin, Yoon, Tae San.
April 1993.
Rok's store.
Seoul, Kang Nam. 
Non Hyun town #97.
Lee Jung Rok.
My sunglasses and my face, aren't they both so good looking? 
If you're curious about my looks, come visit my cafe. 
Welcome all women. 
You think you're cute?
Thank you for the files. 
We have similar taste.
Is it him?
As you know, my professional golfing career will soon end.
My prime was the few years I had in my early 20's.
I don't want that to be everything in my career.
I understand how you feel, but this season will be difficult.
It's difficult, but not impossible.
I'll give you twice the money.
-Pro Hong.
-Yes.
What do you want to get from me?
Practical assistance or psychological assurance?
Of course, it's both.
What I think you need is more practice, not a top-notch staff.
I keep catching you at the wrong moments.
Can't you see I'm in the middle of a conversation?
That's the problem.
-Sorry, I'll call you later.
-Okay.
-You're mistaken.
-Really?
Who is he then?
Friend, classmate, colleague?
And you think that's okay?
My brother may be understanding, but I'm not.
If you're going to do this to my brother, you should just break up with him.
I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I was having a meeting with a caddy I want to work with.
It's the truth.
That caddy told me I should practice more instead of hiring a top-notch staff.
-That's true.
-Exactly.
Then I'll be going to practice.
Thanks to you, I lost my chance to surround myself with top-notch staff.
Can't you come home earlier?
-Tae San.
-What?
How important am I in your life?
More important than myself.
Why?
If Se Ra and I both fall into water, who will you save first?
-I'm the only one there?
-Tell me!
You're a good swimmer.
That's why we got you swimming lessons starting at age 4.
-Then you'll save Se Ra?
-She majored in physical education.
She runs 100 m. in 14 secs.
You don't think she can swim?
So who would you save?
It's true you're more important to me than myself.
But you and Se Ra are in different categories.
You can't be compared.
You're getting on my nerves!
That punk...
Why?
Why're you upset now?
She's my crush, Seo Yi Soo.
A crush?
-Are you going to sleep with me?
-Are you crazy?
Why are you getting upset?
You like someone else, too.
You expect me to be faithful just to one woman?
I'm going crazy...
Who are you?
Who are you?
Relax.
He's my friend.
It's good to meet you.
I'm Kim Bup Rae.
He's really just a friend.
He came past midnight with a bottle of wine.
Time just passed by.
I was going to tell you, but you were sleeping.
Even more than me, what're you going to tell Tae San?
Put yourself in his shoes.
If Tae San brings over a female friend to sleep at his house, you can be understanding?
Of course not.
But as long as I don't know, it doesn't matter.
He won't know about this either.
Right?
You...
You treat Tae San so poorly.
What?
Good morning.
Get dressed. 
Do Jin's on his way over.
Get the door for him. 
-The reason is a secret.
-Kim Bup Rae!
-You gotta go, someone's coming over!
-Who is it now?
Tae San told me to come.
He'll tell you the reason later.
I got his text message.
-Aren't you going to introduce him?
-What?
Your friend...
Say hi. 
This is Se Ra's boyfriend's friend, Kim Do Jin.
Nice to meet you.
I'm her friend.
Yes, nice to meet you.
I was dropping something off.
I'll get going.
Bye.
I'm going to walk him out.
Come in.
Would you like coffee?
You must be taken aback.
Sorry.
I'm really not a bad guy.
-I'll get going.
-Okay.
You should talk to Se Ra later.
Get home safely.
You must not be that close to your friend.
-Don't tell Tae San.
-You keep forgetting.
I'm not a gentleman.
So you're going to tell him?
Why're you laughing?
What's so funny?
A guy who sends his crush expensive shoes when he already has a girl?
Or me?
For trying to protect my friend's love.
You seem angry, but will you listen to my explanation?
You should've explained before I left your home that day.
-She's someone I spent the night with.
-You don't think I know?
In that situation, you wanted me to leave her there and go after you?
I'm not young enough to blindly dash for a woman who's not interested in me.
I may not be warm, but I still have my own ways.
That was my way of being considerate and thoughtful to both.
I guess it was. 
I hope you can be considerate to Se Ra as well.
What did Do Jin say?
You think he knows?
Do you think I got caught?
-You're worried?
-Of course.
So why would you do such a thing?
-What can I do in that situation?
-Why do you have to be so considerate for another man's situation.
I guess if it was a special man, it would've been more fun.
-How can you...
-Please stop.
I've heard enough.
If you don't want to break up with Tae San, you should be more careful.
I'm not scared of breaking up, it's just annoying to fight.
I'm going back to sleep.
I guess it was. 
I hope you can be considerate to Se Ra as well. 
We've already finished the negotiation.
From 1st to 8th floor, you have to make the changes to the north-side windows.
Show me the papers as soon as they're ready.
Did you see the plans?
Just confirm it for them.
Team Captain Choi spent 3 nights on that.
The client even brought a picture.
He doesn't like angles. 
He prefers curves.
It's for a gallery.
They'll be hanging up artwork.
It's too much curves. 
It's so round, they won't be able to nail anything in.
-Call Team Captain Choi to the meeting room.
-Yes, sir.
Isn't it enough that the client likes it?
This.
It's Se Ra's kitchen measurements.
You didn't say anything to Se Ra, right?
I have a game this weekend.
I'm going to ask her to come.
I'm so good these days.
You told me that Seo Yi Soo is a good woman, right?
Yeah.
Then why are you dating Hong Se Ra, and not her?
Yi Soo is Me Ah Ri's teacher.
And she's an umpire I look up to.
To me, Yi Soo is not a woman.
She's a human.
Oh, right.
I heard there's a man she likes.
She said you know.
Who is he?
-She told you to ask me?
-No, but who is he?
Someone I know?
I don't think so.
-I'll be in the meeting.
-Just confirm it.
Let's make some money.
It's me, Min Sook.
Have a seat.
I wanted to see you today because...
It seems I made a big err in signing rental contracts with you.
You're best friends to somebody who may become my ex-husband.
When does the rental contract expire for Hwa Dam architectural office and the law firm?
-He's not our best friend.
-He was just a high school classmate.
It's been awhile since I've erased him from my heart.
Resolution. 
1. 
From this point, I, Kim Do Jin, do not know Lee Jung Rok. 
I will give legal consultation for plaintiff, Park Min Sook. 
And fully support her... 
I am expressing our earnest hearts and loyalty to you in writing... 
Since you're all on my side, I'll give you one more chance.
How could he take everything?
This is it!
Yoon!
I know you're busy.
You left something behind.
I'll bring it for you.
Where are you?
I'm not lying.
You may die without this.
What did I leave behind?
You can't even say hi?
-You have something to say to me?
-I lost 15 kg.
You know you still haven't told me that I got prettier?
-You looked better before.
-No way!
When you used to tutor me, you used to call me Miss Piggy.
-Don't you remember?
-I do.
Then how can you say I looked better before?
At least, I'm not a piggy anymore.
Right.
You just look like a skinny Miss Piggy now.
What did I leave behind that was so important?
This is yours, right?
I may exaggerate, but I don't lie.
-That's not mine.
-You're lying.
This is yours.
It's the only one that looks different.
That belongs to the Chinese restaurant.
You were so happy that you found that?
Why didn't you return this?
!
-What did you just do?
-You should get going.
I have to get ready for the game tomorrow.
Did you just do this to me?
Because you like me?
Get home early. 
In the dark, someone may mistake you as pretty and kidnap you.
What do I do?
I'm late.
Take this.
Why are you going through all this trouble?
Ugly uniform, a mask that covers your face, burning heat...
You're crazy.
That's true.
Tae San will be happy that you're here.
I wasn't hitting well today.
It was getting frustrating.
I'm going.
See you later.
Hey...
Why do I have to do this?
Seriously!
Why is this here?
Turn.
Out!
Go back!
-Tae San's up.
-Oh, I see.
Good luck!
836?
Are you feeling sick?
No, I just realized...
Those two look good together.
Subtitles by DramaFever
From now on, I'm...
Is it your pride?
What're you doing?
I can't have a crush.
You don't want me to meet other girls.
And this is the result of you not even letting me touch you?
If you ask me what my sins are...
Meeting her, loving her, and leaving her alone every night is my sin.
I'm young, pretty, and the only daughter of a rich family. 
I can't understand you.
-Nice seeing you again.
-I know I'm pretty, but I have students your age.
-You punk, how can you crash into a car?
-My passion led to a car crash.
What're you talking about?
That doesn't make sense.
Yi Soo's 20 second man was you.
And it still is.
I know it was a mistake.
But it's so vivid.
If that's the problem, let's do this.

Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Hey, don't be so distressed.
Youth would not be youth without wavering turbulence.
No matter what, we were only obeying the commands of our youthful hearts.
The problem is our parents are being notified.
Isn't your own mother due to arrive the day after tomorrow?
That day will be the most horrific since the country was founded.
You guys just wait.
I'll shoulder the blame alone.
Stop trying to play cool.
With marks like yours, you don't stand a chance.
I will handle this matter.
That's enough.
If I'm not going to hell, who will?
I am the cause of all this. 
I'll go.
Look at you all, each trying to shoulder the blame.
We're all going to go suffer the punishment together.
I'll take the lead.
We'll fight through this together.
All right.
What is the question at hand?
Who has plucked the red rose?
This pack of young minors dare to go watch adult movies?
What nerve you all possess.
All right, so exactly who was the one who picked the red rose?
I was only using the light of the screen to memorize English phrases.
"Where are you from?"
Don't talk nonsense, you rascal!
Who was the mastermind behind all this?
Who was the first to suggest watching it?
Step out.
What is this? 
Not admitting to it, are you?
All for one and one for all is it?
Well, well, well, how loyal of you all.
Who was the instigator?
Who was the one behind all this?
It was I.
It was by my suggestion.
And what are you?
Yes, it was his suggestion.
It was him. 
There's no mistake.
It was him, I regret to say.
Do you hear that?
What are you waiting for? 
Kneel!
Yes, sir!
By the way, do you remembering seeing me in Busan?
I was born and raised in Seoul.
Is that so? 
You look so familiar.
What does your father do?
Teacher, Jung Rok is attempting an escape.
Trying to escape?
Hey.
You get back here!
You are terrible friends!
Even now, we still cannot remember exactly who was the one who picked that red rose.
However, friendship is built upon unity.
The leader, of course, was me.
A Gentleman's Dignity
Episode 4
What exactly did you say to Se Ra to make that child leave without even saying goodbye?
Child? 
What child has B-cup breasts?
Im Me Ah Ri!
That girl got mad and ran off on her own.
What does it have to do with me?
You spoiled girl.
She is your future sister-in-law, what girl?
Exactly what did you say to Se Ra?
Fine. 
I know you don't approve of Se Ra.
But no matter what, she's still older than you plus she is the one your brother likes.
Don't you think you owe her some respect at least?
I understand.
I'll take care to do so from now on.
As for what I said to her, you can ask her yourself.
I've decided to try loving from afar for once.
Loving whom from afar?
You.
Who?
Me?
Love me?
There is no room for rejection.
So what you're saying, is that you intend on harboring a secret love for me even though you're right here before me, telling me all about it.
You can say that it's a type of presentation.
The concept of one-sided love, based on inner personality, appraisal, height and weight, etc.
Please don't hesitate to voice any questions you might have.
Miss Seo Yi Soo...?
We'd arranged to meet today.
Hello. 
I am Seo Yi Soo.
So this is how you are, towards other men.
I'm glad to meet you, however...
This is...
This first round of blind dates has not yet ended.
Candidate #2, please wait for the next opportunity.
Kim Do Jin!
These circumstances are quite difficult to accept.
Of course, it's reasonable that you would misunderstand.
Afterwards, I will provide a full explanation-
A situation such as this may easily result in misconceptions, but once you witness what follows next, you will find sudden enlightenment.
It might become slightly awkward for you.
Let's go.
What do you think you're doing?
Do you feel a periodic boredom every season and decide to do something on impulse?
This meeting was arranged by Se Ra.
How am I to explain myself to Se Ra?
How is Se Ra to explain this to that man?
She said that man is her senior.
You ought to have been open with the truth in the first place.
Told her that, I can't go on a blind date because I've been secretly infatuated with your boyfriend, Im Tae San.
You're going home, right?
Why are you doing this to me?
I've made the reason known to you both last season and not thirty minutes ago, yet you continue to forget.
It was not a forgettable confession.
Is there a point of all this?
Does it amuse you to beguile me so?
Because I was at fault, I've let you take the advantage over me and have tolerated you until now, but...
I am not the type of person who would go to such lengths to jive you as a vivacious youth would.
What's wrong with being a vivacious youth?
It bets being a self-centered single man who believes in retaining bachelorhood for his own self-interest.
I heard you prefer to stay single because you didn't want to have to share your wealth with a wife and children.
And then what was it that you said afterwards?
That everyone is capable of unrequited love?
Do you truly believe that it is so easy a thing?
Did that magazine praise me well?
How did the pictures turn out?
The wrinkles beneath your eyes were very clear.
Well it seems as though you must have studied it very many times.
That you will study so seriously an architectural magazine I can't even be bothered to read says that you can't be completely disinterested in me.
So why do you persist in defending your hatred of me?
Who... who's studied it so carefully?
I only caught a passing glance of it.
More like by destiny's intervention.
You see? 
You see? 
You see?
All day long, all you know to do is to fool around.
There's not a touch of sincerity in your words.
In a man such as myself with both talent and beauty, do you believe that I would be incapable of sincerity?
Have you joined a speech making class or something?
Not everyone can give a good presentation.
So you are obstinately, unwaveringly determined to entertain this unrequited love for me?
And if I refuse you?
Why should you?
It's not as though I am demanding any response to my affection for you.
Besides, is it with his permission that you like Tae San?
Yet I have always been discreet about it.
So discreet that you were found out by me?
Well that's because...
That's enough.
I'm leaving now.
Until next season then. 
Goodbye.
The number you have dialed is unavailable.
Your phone is obviously on, so why are you not answering my call?
It's worrying.
Suddenly running off with dinner half-finished, and now not even answering your phone, how will this do?
Has something happened that required your immediate departure?
Call me back once you see this text message. 
I'll come get you.
Why did you walk back?
Did you not meet Do Jin?
I saw him for a bit.
Se Ra hasn't returned yet?
She's probably off drinking somewhere.
I would like a drink too.
What to do?
Was it two good shots and two bad shots?
Or was it two good shots and three bad shots?
What was it?
What am I to do?
And then what happened?
And then, the batter at the plate said in a fit of rage,
"No matter if it was two good and two bad, or two good and three bad,
I will use my body to block it, so just call the play. "
Hearing you say this reminds me of the first time you were umpire.
That time you were the second base umpire.
I remember that it was early summer.
You still remember?
That was the first time I saw an umpire sweat more than the players.
Ah, is that so?
It's only polite to erase from your memory, a woman's embarrassing moments.
You were very pretty then.
A woman who is as crazy or even half as crazy about baseball as me is definitely pretty.
By the way, the man you fell for in twenty seconds that you mentioned to Se Ra... is it Do Jin?
No? 
Who can it be then?
Is it unrequited on his part?
Are we acquainted?
Kim Do Jin is, but Tae San, you probably don't know him.
Does Dol Pal know him?
I was discovered by Kim Do Jin.
That he still went to you even with that knowledge says that his curiosity is gradually becoming sincerity.
What?
I'm so sorry, but I need to leave now.
Please call one of your designated drivers for me.
I think I know where Se Ra is.
I'll have them call you a taxi.
It's all right. 
You go on ahead.
I hope that Se Ra will be present wherever you're going.
Thank you. 
Be careful on your way back.
Put it on my tab.
I was worried that I would disturb you, so I waited here quietly.
I'm a good boy, aren't I?
So it's not because you were worried that
I would go meet another man afterwards?
How nicely you speak.
What's going on? 
You weren't answering your phone.
Hello, Director.
Pro Hong, why have we been seeing so little of you this past while?
Is our golf club not to your satisfaction?
Are you going to be participating in the CJ Open?
Of course I am.
Once the opening games schedule is set, come for a round of practice.
While you were practicing, I noticed that your shoulder was a little high.
You've become prettier too. 
Call me some time.
Don't make a fuss.
He's the owner of this golf club.
And I'm the owner of your shoulder.
Excuse me.
The next time you have any business with Player Hong's body, please contact this number first.
As for the shoulder you've just touched and the set of eyes you've just met,
Player Hong, from head to toe, is mine.
So you have an architect boyfriend.
Not long ago I purchased a building.
If I had known about you, I would have contacted you about it, Director Im.
Ah, so it is this building.
The scale is not small. 
Rather beyond your ability is it not?
We don't handle this type of construction.
I heard you gave them a bonus of five million, although it was surely no loss out of your pocket considering it was your father's money.
No need to fret.
Just focus on running your own business.
Do you want something to drink?
I've done nothing wrong.
I know. 
You did very well.
I like you best when you're like that.
Acting impulsively without apprehension.
It's sexy.
It seems that recently, I've been much sexier than you have been.
You ought to put forth more effort.
All right.
What's going on between you and Me Ah Ri?
Has she said something that's upset you?
I was the one who made her angry.
Me Ah Ri didn't say anything to you?
My voice got rather loud.
She seemed to realize that she was in the wrong.
I'm not confident that I can make Me Ah Ri warm up to me.
We won't easily surrender to each other.
So don't be so troubled over it.
Watch closely.
It is said that these lines tell of the women in a man's life.
There are three lines.
So you have three women in your life?
This is my mother. 
This is Me Ah Ri. 
And this is Hong Se Ra.
No matter what Me Ah Ri says, don't let it stay in your heart.
Although I don't yet know if you will marry me, one of the three lines of my hand belongs to you alone.
A line that I will hold tightly onto for a lifetime.
Aren't we soon approaching our first anniversary?
What kind of a present do you want?
Anything outside of those extravagant luxuries like shoes, bags, rings, or necklaces, etc.
I knew it wouldn't be any shiny trinkets.
I'm satisfied with having you as the only shine in my life.
Go shower quickly and hurry out. 
Your shine's rather dimmed at this moment.
You should have come a little earlier. 
Tae San was just here.
Alone?
No.
He was with a regular customer of our coffee shop.
A young lady.
Please don't go go go. 
Please don't leave me all alone.
Just once would be all right. 
Please turn back one more time.
Please don't go go go. 
I loathe sorrowful farewells.
I love you. 
Please come back to my side.
How did you know I was here?
Didn't we agree to not meet until the next season?
She drank the whole bottle?
It's the second bottle.
It wasn't anything good either.
I hope she becomes a frequent guest here too.
Let's go.
The two of you are acquainted?
I've seen someone who looks exactly like you before.
At a coffee shop.
I'm certain that he is the guy with the irresistible charm.
No, he's too flirtatious.
She's drunk too much. 
Shall I call a cab?
I'll take care of it.
Can you still walk?
Seo Yi Soo.
Annoying.
How irritable.
Upon your crime riddled back, an angel is delivered.
Ah, crime.
What crime? 
How long must I suffer the punishment?
Water.
Where is it?
The timing is passed. 
Even without screaming your facial expression exhibits your surprise well enough.
How can this be? 
Why am I here?
I was just at the bar with Tae San.
The bar, is already five hours and ten minutes in the past.
This is a hotel.
Then... for an entire five hours...
I only watched.
You wouldn't have...
If I have kept you in anticipation, I offer my deepest apologies.
I have no interest in any sexual conduct without the consent of the other party.
That's because I place great store in the opposite party's reaction.
Re- what?
But now that you've recovered your senses,
I would like to inquire about the possibility of your consent.
What do you think?
That's enough now.
What exactly have you done?
Are those words directed at me?
Of course. 
I am grateful to you for taking care of me.
Yes, it is gratitude I have for you, but that still doesn't excuse your actions.
Did you not know my home address?
Or were you not aware of how to get there?
Since you were escorting me anyways, it should have been to my home.
What did you bring me to a hotel for?
What man of the world would see a drunken girl home just like that?
Moreover, the girl with whom he is enamored with?
Excuse me-
You were also the one seducing me first.
Wasn't it, 'I loathe sorrowful farewells'?
You don't remember that?
I said that?
Please don't go go go. 
I loathe sorrowful farewells.
I love you. 
Please return to my side.
Step by step. 
One, two, three...
Time will erase you from my memories.
Step by step. 
One, two, three...
Every day will be of pain...
How painful the hurt...
Come sit here.
Stay. 
I'll go buy some water.
Has your memory returned?
No. 
Not at all.
I can't remember a thing.
What is it?
Are you suffering from dementia already?
Why are you unable to remember a thing as soon as I ask?
With a brain like that, how did you manage to pass the examinations for a teaching certificate?
Need I imprint the course of your last few hours upon your body?
I'll prefer it in italics.
You think I wouldn't do it?
Yes.
Because after today, there will be no chance of our meeting again.
Don't be so certain.
Well I'll be leaving first.
By any chance... have you seen my purse?
I told you not to be so sure.
Is anyone passing by anymore?
No.
Someone's coming though.
Coming, going, and any living being who walks upright, include them all, all right?
I am utterly confounded.
This is the first time I've left a hotel without having done anything.
Seriously... 
Is there anyone out there?
I've just spotted a middle-aged woman who would surely judge a woman returning home at dawn.
She's stepping out of the front door of the next house.
Amen. 
Has she gone yet?
Not yet.
There's another one from the house across the street.
Another from the next house as well.
Is there a sale going on at a nearby mall today?
What time is it?
I should go.
Yi Soo stayed out all last night.
That's irrelevant.
I'm leaving through the window.
How would it look if we left together?
It's not as though we're having an affair.
It's all right. 
You sleep some more.
Why, on the one night I don't come home...
Based on this thinking,
Socrates remarked that knowledge is virtue, ignorance a vice.
As such, when one's lifestyle reflects this, one simultaneously achieves both a happy and ethical... 
life.
So that's to say, coveting a friend's mate also results in an ethical life, is that right?
What about drinking with a man who is not your lover and visiting hotels together?
What's up with her?
Beginning today are the individual sessions.
Come by according to your student numbers. 
Class dismissed.
Your future goal selection has been left blank for the past two years.
Is there nothing you want to do?
When I was your age, there were some ten or so things I wanted to do.
What did you want to do?
Be a teacher, singer, novelist, baseball player, racing model, etc.
Racing... model?
Did you see me when I was nineteen?
At your age, everything is in the realm of possibility.
Anything can be your dream.
Even if it seems impossible, it doesn't matter.
There is one thing...
You see? 
What is it? 
Tell me all about it.
I'll write it on your form in italics.
To become the Ethics Teacher's young husband.
Kim Dong Hyub!
All right.
Actually... it's a government employee's spouse.
Really now...
Even if you want to be the spouse of a government employee you'll still have to graduate from college first at least.
I'm very handsome though.
Drink it.
Don't blank out in class again.
I'm aging...
Im Me Ah Ri... that girl...
What is this? 
Why aren't I in here?
A hotel?
Teacher, are you managing your fishing grounds between my brother and Do Jin now?
What use is there in managing empty fishing grounds?
They are both swimming in other pools, so what is there to manage?
That's true.
So? 
What did you do at the hotel?
What else could I do?
I just did what anyone else would do.
Really?
Yes.
I threw up. 
I threw it all up.
You've got me good.
So it was an introduction, development, turn, and 'vomit'.
Please give me five pyeongs of each of these fabrics.
Sure.
Are you making a bag?
Yes, it's almost Yoon's birthday.
Right! 
I have a present for you.
I don't have much cause to be excited about it.
The last time I ate the chocolates you gave me left me in so unthinkable a state that even now hell is still tugging on my heels.
Just wait till you've seen it.
I cut it out while I was cutting Yoon's photo out.
Seriously.
Am I still sixteen?
They look so young, don't they?
Yes.
Yoon's eyes bear such a depth of sorrow, but are still so beautiful.
The season that belongs to Yoon, should be the season of rain.
If I had known that you can be so sentimental, I would have had you go write poems.
I must get stranded alone with Yoon on a deserted island.
Wearing a flowing blue dress, riding bicycles together...
Then just like that he will fall deeply for me.
What kind of deserted island has bicycles?
Why aren't you able to think things through thoroughly and meticulously?
That's because you don't understand.
I've already designed the perfect plan to ensnare him.
And what would that entail?
I want to sue Im Tae San.
Im Tae San has repeatedly attempted to coerce I, his sister, into liking Hong Se Ra, the woman he is attracted to.
Hence, I, who am living beneath the same roof, am suffering considerable mental distress at his hand.
Unfortunately, I am the consulting attorney for the Hwa Dan Architectural Firm.
I intend to sue Hong Se Ra.
Hong Se Ra, romantically involved with one Im Tae San, has a face that resembles that of a fox demon.
The nine-tail fox demon.
The trial begins are two o'clock today.
What are you doing afterwards?
How about a drink?
I know a place that's quite good.
I need to sue Seo Yi Soo.
What has Teacher Seo done now?
For an arbitrary reason, she had me do, as punishment, one hundred squats.
I have strong cause to suspect that she is overstepping her bounds against I, a former student of hers.
All right then. 
I will prepare the litigation.
By the way, my hourly fee is five hundred thousand.
I have been too rash. 
Goodbye.
What is it?
What?
Ah.
The car was shuddering while I was on the road.
Do you have an outing tomorrow?
An outing?
It seems the car isn't the only one shuddering. 
You're trembling too.
What's going on?
What can be going on?
Is it ready yet?
Have you found an apartment yet?
Yes. 
Of course I have.
In what location?
In close proximity to the office.
I think it's ready.
Sir, the repairs are complete.
However, the rear tire on the driver's side is severely worn out.
Is that so? 
I haven't noticed.
Change it to one of ours.
This kind. 
It's proven to handle itself well on wet roads.
So when you're driving on rainy days... 
Which part of Me Ah Ri is prettiest?
Her eyes, nose...
You...
So Me Ah Ri's eyes and nose are pretty. 
What else?
Since I'm already here, I might as well change it. 
Please change it for me.
Yes. 
Please wait here.
All right.
What else is pretty about her? 
Is her mouth not pretty?
Why did you print this on such nice paper?
Have you nothing to apologize to me for?
Me? 
For what?
Why did you agree to go on a blind date when you already had a man?
Do you know how awkward it was for me yesterday when I met the senior I introduced you to?
He said you ran out with a man hand in hand.
Ah. 
I'm sorry. 
I've put you in a difficult position.
I didn't expect something like it to happen.
Having a cup of coffee together is no abnormal thing.
What kind of man can't accept even that? 
Who is he?
Were you with him too when you didn't come home for the night a few days ago?
Don't bother asking. 
I won't say.
I'll get the door. 
Did you order takeout?
Where are the dumbbells? 
I need to work out.
In my room.
Who is it?
836?
What's in the package?
It's for me.
Is that so? 
What is it?
I don't know.
Whoa! 
It's so pretty.
Not bad, Seo Yi Soo.
One night out and you receive a pair of brand name shoes.
Brand name?
Its recipient is so unworthy of the gift.
This is a limited edition. 
With a value of thirteen hundred thousand.
What?
If you don't even know its value, how can you appreciate it?
This man...
Curiosity will be the death of me.
Who is it?
Why isn't he answering?
Might it not be him?
By my conjecture though, it should be him.
I'll... just come inside.
What is it? 
It's not even noon.
Why aren't you answering my calls?
Do you know how many times I've called you?
This.
Were you the one who sent it to me?
Shoes are meant to be worn, not carried.
Are they not the right size?
What is the meaning of this? 
I cannot accept it.
Why not?
It was to win the favor of the girl I admire that I sent it.
Who sends the object of their one-sided love a gift worth thirteen hundred thousand?
Under normal circumstances, it should adhere to a hundred thousand upper limit to avoid pressuring the recipient.
A gift such as this can only be viewed as an ostentatious show of wealth.
I would call it consumption, a purchase, or more simply, a present.
All right. 
I understand.
Eun Jae!
What is it?
What size shoes do you wear?
245cm
It's fine if I give it to her then, right?
Shoes?
Who is this?
My unrequited love, Miss Seo Yi Soo.
Unrequited love?
I'll go try it on.
Are you done here?
Who is she?
Who do you think she is?
Oh, don't misunderstand.
I don't have any sisters.
Nor are we cousins, relatives, or related by blood in any way.
Is that the manner in which you speak to the object of your so-called love?
A man with an unrequited love for you, cannot sleep with other woman?
You actually have the nerve to ask that?
Why not?
What?
Do you want to sleep with me?
Are you insane?
Then what are you so angry for?
You are in love with another man, yet you expect me to maintain a pure and singular love for you?
For your future reference, this building has an unmanned delivery system in place.
So that's to say you won't need to come up here personally next time.
My apologizes. 
I had a client come in early this morning.
Haven't you been with that client since last night?
Of course. 
The client who was there all night was also present.
Yoon?
We lied saying that everyone is busy and can't meet up.
So Yoon is the outcast today?
He deserves it.
It seems Yoon has moved to his mother-in-law's since leaving my house.
Wasn't it to a new officetel?
Would we be here if it was?
Yesterday, Yoon's mother-in-law came by to see if we could help persuade Yoon.
Is Yoon still the smartest of us all?
He is undeniably the warmest among us.
What are we going to do about him?
Thanks to you, mother-in-law, I am going to gain weight.
You work too hard as it is. 
You needn't spend so much effort on my dinner.
I often meet my friends for drinks, or company dinners.
Yes. 
It is quite tiring.
I'm sorry?
At my age it is quite tiring to prepare a meal for my son-in-law.
I will do better.
How will you do better?
You have already done far more than necessary.
I no longer wish to see you anymore.
It is shameful of me to ask, but please allow me to live out the rest of my days in this house before I return it to you.
Mother-in-law.
Our Jeong Ah has already been gone four years.
Please don't speak so.
Forty years of age is still considered young for a man.
Thank you for all you have done, my son-in-law, but from now on, please don't be my son-in-law anymore.
Goodnight.
Your friends have already come by and moved everything out.
I helped as well.
In this house, you no longer have a room to call your own.
So Jeong Ah was this beautiful.
When they were dating, I even rented hotel rooms to them many times.
To call his love pure would be no exaggeration.
These four years of devotion have been an illness. 
A disease.
This is my style.
You're here?
Whose idea was it?
It was his idea.
His idea.
Don't you believe in me?
Are you looking to die?
Where do you want this?
Everything's pretty much unpacked. 
Let's head out.
Where to?
Don't you know that this house only has one set of utensils?
Kim Do here is a single middle-aged bachelor.
There's been some new models out recently that are quite nice.
Do you want me to buy you some?
Are you preparing your wedding dowry?
Forget it, all that matters is your body.
That's true. 
I am a proper maiden.
The designs have changed so quickly.
Everything at home is outdated.
Shall I buy you new ones?
Thank you!
Hae Joo!
Is today a special occasion?
Wedding anniversary?
That's not right.
Your birthday?
It's already past.
Recently, no matter how much I eat I still feel hungry.
Sit down.
Yes.
No appetite?
Of course not, considering how often you 'snack'.
Why would I have no appetite?
I'm so starved I can even eat the metal chopsticks.
You're going to eat it?
What?
Are you really asking because you don't know?
What are you saying?
Are you on some entertainment show?
What?
Are you insane? 
Spit it out!
Park Min Sook, I love you.
Love?
You've even swallow it down and you still call it love?
My chest is going to burst.
It hurts, wife.
No it doesn't, husband.
My wife, do you know?
Inside me, is you.
Shut up!
All right.
This experience ought to be engrained in your memory by now.
How do you manage to keep getting blatantly caught?
Is your experience worth so little?
Your wife is quite amazing too.
How does she manage to find that ring every time?
This really, truly, is the ring.
You!
Did you meet with Hae Joo again?
Hae Joo?
The one who dumped him for an accountant.
That Baek Hae Joo?
You see? 
Yoon is the smartest.
And what's that good for?
What we need first, is to recover that ring.
Chamber pot or newspaper. 
Choose.
Once it's found, who's going to be the one to get it out?
Obviously it should be the one defecated it out.
Who says?
Shut up and listen.
The peace within your family must be secured. 
Why?
Because your family's peace is our peace.
One step further, it is the peace of the seventy employees of the Hwa Dam Architectural Firm.
As well as the security of the twenty employees of my law firm.
And what of my happiness?
Unimportant.
If your "Just Married" ends up as "The War of Love", the casualties will be Kim Do Jin and Im Tae San.
In addition will be Choi Yoon, the refugee, and the war orphan, Lee Jung Rok.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Understand.
Therefore, you need to shoulder the responsibility.
Get defecating.
What's that for?
Isn't it obvious?
To wipe your behind.
With A4 paper?
Declaration of Resolution:
Park Min Sook, dearest sister-in-law...
I, Choi Yoon, may be the bosom friend of the accused, Lee Jung Rok, but I am also the legal counselor of the plaintiff, Park Min Sook.
For the tortuous turbulence of your married life, I offer my deepest condolences.
I, Kim Do Jin, after 10pm, will no longer answer the calls of stranger Lee Jung Rok.
I've found the ring.
What a stench!
Don't you come over here. 
Stay away.
Seize him. 
We'll stuff it back down his throat.
Come here. 
Come here.
Why?
Get back over here!
Never!
April 1993. 
Jung Rok, Do Jin, Yoon, Tae San.
Rok's Store. 
Seoul _.
Both the sunglasses and this face are handsome, right?
If you're interested in these shades, come to the cafe on the first floor at _ for a close and intimate look.
Ladies privilege.
He plays cute.
Well received.
We have similar tastes. 
Are you the one?
As you well know, my days as a professional are numbered.
The golden first years of my debut at twenty years of age...
I don't intend for it to be the extent of my career.
I understand your mindset.
The next season perhaps, but this season is quite out of the question.
It is merely difficult, not impossible.
The pay you now receive, I can double it.
Hong Pro.
Please speak.
Offering me these conditions, what do you hope to gain?
Is it practical assistance, or the security that comes with having a professional caddy at your side?
Both, of course.
In my opinion, what you are truly in need of, is not an impressive staff roster, but increased practice.
You seem to enjoy getting caught at the scene of the crime by me, don't you?
Can't you see that I am in the middle of a conversation?
That's the problem, isn't it?
My apologizes. 
I will contact you at a later time.
All right.
You've misunderstood.
Is that so?
Then who was he?
A friend? 
Classmate? 
College?
Would those kinds of relationships make it all right?
Perhaps my brother is able to understand your acting like this, but I loathe your actions.
If you intend to continue fooling my brother so, why not be generous and just cleanly break it off now?
Your behavior is despicable.
I'm sorry to disappoint you, but the person I was meeting was to be my caddy for the upcoming season.
It is the truth, regardless of whether or not you believe me.
That caddy just told me to abandon attempting to surround myself with impressive staff in favor of more practice.
Well, he's said nothing that isn't the truth.
Exactly.
So I am going to go practice now.
Since I've failed to recruit an impressive staff thanks to a certain someone.
Can you not come home any earlier?
Oppa.
What?
In your life, how important am I?
More important than myself. 
Why?
Then if both I and Se Ra were to fall into water simultaneously, who would you save first?
Would I be the only person there?
Answer me!
Your swimming skills are formidable.
It was to enable you to save yourself in situations like those that you were sent to youth sports clubs since you were four.
So you're saying that you would save Se Ra?
She graduated from a College of Physical Education.
She can sprint a hundred meters in fourteen seconds.
Would she be incapable of swimming?
I'm asking who you would choose to save!
To me, you are indeed more important than my own life, but Se Ra and you are in completely different categories.
How can the two of you be compared?
You're detestable!
This child...
What is it?
What's your problem now?
My unrequited love, Miss Seo Yi Soo.
Unrequited love?
Do you want to sleep with me?
Are you insane?
Then what are you so angry for?
You are in love with another man, yet you expect me to maintain a pure and singular love for you?
I'm going to lose it!
Who are you?
Who are you? 
Who?
Relax. 
Relax.
He's my friend.
Nice to meet you.
My name is Kim Beum Rae.
We're really just friends.
Yesterday, he arrived after midnight with a few bottles of wine, we had a few drinks, and things just ended up like this.
I wanted to tell you, but you were asleep.
I'm just one side of this.
Once Tae San finds out, what are you going to do about it?
Reverse the situation.
If Tae San allowed a girl to sleep at his place and said that they are only friends, would you understand?
Of course not, if I knew.
But if I didn't know, then it wouldn't matter.
And Tae San won't find out about today...
Right?
You really...
You are such a bad woman for Tae San.
What?
Are you having a good morning?
Get dressed. 
Do Jin will be there soon.
Open the door for him.
The reason, is a secret.
Kim Beum Rae, you need to leave right now.
A guest is coming.
Who else is coming at this hour?
Tae San asked me to come over.
He said he'll tell you the reason himself later.
I received his text message.
What are you doing?
Aren't you going to introduce him?
Oh?
Your friend.
Introduce yourself.
This is Se Ra's boyfriend's friend, Kim Do Jin.
Nice to meet you. 
I'm a friend of hers.
Sure, Seo Yi Soo's friend.
A pleasure.
I'd just come to deliver something to her.
I'll be leaving now.
Goodbye.
I'll see him out.
- Will.
- For our share, Mum.
Dad left us nothing.
He left us nothing.
You... 
You've got no idea what you've done.
Just... pull into the next driveway.
Stop here.
Be back in a sec.
- What are you doing here?
- I need your help.
No.
It's David.
Please, Cliff.
He's in the car. 
He's injured.
I wouldn't have come otherwise.
Keep watching him for the next few hours.
I've got to go out.
Keep checking his temperature every 15 minutes and if it isn't dropping in the next hour, call me.
Thanks, Cliff.
Once David is stable, you've got to find somewhere else to go because you can't be here.
Cliff.
Look, I know I owe you an explanation.
The stuff on the news isn't true.
We're innocent.
Chelsea and I got caught up in some...
It was a crime that...
- There's a dirty cop and...
- What? 
That's it?
That's what you want to talk about?
You've been gone 15 years and then you show up and that's what you want to tell me?
No, I... ♪ I feel the weight of the world
♪ Like it's bearing down
♪ And I hardly sleep
♪ 'Cause there's so much to worry about
♪ With everyone looking for something
♪ To pin their hopes on. ♪
Chelsea, if you're seeing this, I love you.
I don't know where this is coming from, but I am here for... ♪ Where do we run to. ♪
You guys hungry?
♪ When everything, everything's crazy
♪ Who's gonna save me?
- Hi.
- Hey.
Can I help?
- Yeah, you can open that.
- Sure.
He's still sleeping.
Good. 
It's what he needs.
Here.
- Glasses?
- I think they're over...
- Over there.
- OK.
- No, no, no I've got...
- No, I've got this.
Just two.
You don't want any?
- I don't drink.
- Sorry.
- What?
- You're cooking.
Yeah, I worked in a kitchen.
- She was a chef.
- I was a cook.
She was going to open a cafe at one point.
- Really?
- Yeah, well, it was a stupid idea.
Did you like it? 
Being a cook?
Yeah, I did.
It's funny, it's kind of creative, you know.
The chef who taught me, he was pretty patient.
Why did you stop?
Had to move.
You had enough?
Try and get some more rest.
You remember those dumb fetes?
Everyone had to bring a flan.
Old Mrs Pines, you remember her?
She used to screw up her face every time she had to judge them.
Yeah, well, she never forgave you for using pre-made pastry.
That's right.
I remember being really late that day.
We'd run out of baking powder, so I drove in to town covered in flour, David in the back.
I was in the supermarket when I saw a mate of Jackson's.
Kurt McRae.
No idea why he was there.
But he looked at me and then he looked at David.
And all I...
All I could think was they're going to come for David.
I couldn't breathe.
I just got in the car and I drove.
And I kept going.
- I wanted to call you.
- Yeah, well, why didn't you?
Because I was ashamed. 
I still am.
Bullshit!
You were safe here until you sabotaged us like you sabotage everything.
Your dad looked pretty worried on the TV.
I think he cares about you more than you know, Chelsea.
It's all for show. 
It was exactly the same when my mum got sick.
He's...
He was the perfect, grieving husband in public.
What did happen to your mum?
She had Huntington's disease.
It eats away at your reasoning and then your body.
And then...
They only diagnose you because you start acting strange.
It's a 50-50 chance that I have it, too.
There's no cure.
Why didn't you tell me?
Because I don't want you to feel sorry for me, Lola.
My whole life, everybody's treated me like I was this very fragile porcelain doll.
But since I met you, I feel like I can do things.
I can actually live my life.
I'm...
That's why I'm here.
Maybe that does make me a little bit strange.
Hey, you are not strange.
You're a strong, courageous, unique, young woman.
OK?
I know who you are.
I still think you should call your dad in the morning.
Just to stop him worrying.
- Goodnight.
- Night.
Babbage.
- Hi, Dad. 
It's me.
- Chelsea, thank god.
- Are you alright?
- Yes, I'm fine.
Actually, I'm really good.
- Where are you?
- New Zealand.
Yeah, well, I know that.
I'm here, too.
Chelsea, tell me where you are, I'll come and get you.
- No, I can't. 
Not yet.
- What do you mean not yet?
This isn't a game.
- You're in serious trouble.
- Yes, I noticed that.
Chelsea. 
It's pretty clear that you're not well.
- How is it clear?
- Well, normal people don't act the way you are. 
Normal people don't rob shops, they...
No, actually, normal people do it all the time. 
I am fine.
Chels, I've got a plane in Queenstown.
I can fly you over to Australia, we can surrender to the police in a civilised way.
Civilised? 
What... 
What a bizarre thing to say. 
You...
Chels? 
Chels?
- That's her number.
- I'll start the trace.
Address is Old Mill Road, north of the lake.
It's a farm 30kms from here.
Wait for my orders.
No-one is to make contact until the Armed Offender Squad arrive.
Wait for AOS. 
Over.
Don't worry, Mum.
I'll make this right.
How are you going to do that?
I'll talk to Morrison then.
And I'll tell him.
I'll tell him we're no threat.
That's the thing, Will.
I still am a threat to him.
AOS will be here within the hour.
Before the Armed Offenders Squad arrive, just let me try and talk to him.
Move along the fence line.
If you see any danger, ...you drop them.
- Yep, OK.
We wait here for Armed Offenders Squad.
Don't get within line-of-sight.
Just secure the back of the property. 
Yes, sir.
Hey.
Thanks.
You sleep alright?
Yeah, yeah. 
Thanks for the clothes and for letting us stay.
You know when you ran, you said it was because of the guy in the supermarket.
But I think it was because you were afraid of me.
I was never scared of you, Cliff.
You were scared of what you felt.
Scared it made you weak.
- Hello.
- Chelsea, it's me.
Will?
- Are you alright?
- Yes, I'm fine.
- Did you find your mother?
- Yeah, she knows something, Chelsea.
Something that's going to help us get Morrison.
- Well, what is it? 
Where are you?
- You have to meet me, alright.
So tell me where you are and I'll come and get you. 
Hey, hello?
Chelsea, are you there?
I would've gone anywhere with you, Lolly.
You only had to ask.
I couldn't.
You got your whole life here.
That meant nothing compared to you and David.
A life in hiding is only half a life.
Well, I've lived half a life.
I dated, but it wasn't you.
I even got married and it lasted all of two years because I kept watching that bloody gate every day, just hoping.
I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry.
Stay.
- Cliff.
- Just stay.
I can't.
Lola! 
The police are here.
One thing! 
You were asked to do just one thing, stay out of sight.
Dixon here.
Where the hell are AOS, over?
Hinkley, move down the north side of the property, block the back.
We'll cover the front.
Now, no-one uses their weapons unless we give the order.
Is that understood?
Copy that.
I'm going out there and I'm going to talk to them.
No, no, no. 
Please don't.
I don't know.
- No, Chelsea!
- What?
Hello?
Chelsea, this is Detective Levine.
- Josh?
- I'm outside.
What are you...
What are you doing here?
Well, talk to me Chelsea.
What are you doing?
What's happening in there?
You know, we're just...
We just had breakfast.
Keep away from the window.
Listen, Chelsea. 
You're acting recklessly, OK.
And there are a lot of guns out here.
Well, that's stupid because we haven't done anything.
Here. 
Tell them to move away from the house.
Lola, you're surrounded.
Now, we can do this peacefully, but you've got to help me.
You think I killed Ray Stanton, don't you.
I understand if it was self-defence.
Self-defence?
Lola, there are more police on the way.
Come out, very slowly, with your hands raised.
Lot...
- What?
- More cops are coming.
Then isn't this the time to stop?
What are your other options?
- No!
- I don't know.
Maybe Cliff's right.
Will said that his mother knows something about Morrison.
He was trying to tell me on the phone.
- Something that could help us.
- Well, what?
Well, I don't know.
The police arrived.
We have to find Will, now.
Please, it could be our last chance.
We have to try it.
We have to go.
I'm not going anywhere without David.
I'll be alright.
I've done nothing wrong.
I don't want you to go to jail so if there's a chance, you have to take it.
Mum, you don't need to protect me anymore.
The cops have blocked us in on both sides.
There's no other way out.
Alright, can you just try Will again?
Look.
What's he doing? 
David!
Just keep your hands in the air.
- David, no.
- No, no, no, no, no, don't. 
Stop.
He's doing this for you.
So, if there really is a chance for all of this to stop, then you need to go.
- No.
- It's OK. 
It's OK.
I'll look after him.
- Please, Lola. 
We have to go now.
- It's OK. 
He'll be safe.
- I promise you.
- Come on. 
- Thanks.
Male suspect coming to the front of the house from the north exterior.
Suspect refuses to stop.
Stop! 
Stop right there!
If you don't stop we will shoot you.
You keep your hands where I can see them.
Get down on the ground now!
I've got this one more time.
- Stop! 
Get down on the ground!
- Lower them.
Fellas, lower your weapons!
Lower your weapons!
It's David right?
David, stay where you are.
David, do you understand me?
These officers are armed and will shoot if necessary.
Now stay where you are.
David, I'm going to need you to kneel on the ground for me. 
OK?
Mate, get down.
She's innocent.
We can talk about that when you're down.
You, out!
Where are the others?
Get down! 
Move!
It's OK, David.
Just do as she says.
Cuff the suspect.
Secure the perimeter, check the house, and find the others!
OK, I'm pretty sure this forest backs onto the main road.
How far?
How far is it always, Chelsea?
Far.
Synced by nkate

[sirens wailing in distance] [light instrumental music] [toothbrush rasping] [knock at door]
Rachel, my God!
You get younger every time I see you.
Oh, shut up!
Mm, nice.
Always the best for you, darling.
Um, I'm sorry.
I should have told you on the phone when we set up the appointment.
Um, my fee has gone up.
Well, after all this time, you should know you're worth every penny.
- I want to see you.
- Yes.
- Show yourself.
- Yes.
Harold, make yourself known.
Rachel's here. 
She wants to talk to you.
He's here.
[chuckles]
He wants you to know he thinks the new haircut is hot.
[laughs] 32 years we're married.
Now that you're dead, you like it short.
Harold says he was stupid.
- He hated change.
- God, Harold.
Not a day goes by I don't miss you something awful.
He doesn't want you to grieve him forever.
He wants you to be happy.
I-I need to tell you something.
I'm seeing someone.
He's listening. 
Go on.
We're taking it slow, but...
I'm happy.
He wants to know who it is.
It's Kevin.
[dramatic musical sting] [ghostly whispers] [shivering]
Well, perhaps we should take a break.
[breathing heavily]
Or just stop altogether.
- [gasps] - [glass shatters] [whooshing]
No.
[ghost growling]
You are not to cross.
What's wrong?
Stay back. 
You stay back.
[gagging] [gulping and panting] [whimpers] [labored breathing] [distorted voice] My partner? 
My friend?
- Harold?
- You had to go there?
- [ring clatters] 
- Oh!
Since when?
- Did you wait till I...
- No, it's nothing like that!
What's it like then?
Does he like your hair like that?
- No!
- Get out of my body, Harold.
Ahh! 
[whimpering] [distorted voice] Sit!
- Oh! 
No!
- You can be with me.
We can be together again!
[crying]
I'm not gonna let you hurt her!
I'd rather end it!
You don't get another go-around, Harold.
[grunting] Get... the hell... out now!
[whooshing] [mirror shard clatters]
[panting]
[exhales] Well, I guess Harold still hates change.
[inhales, exhales] [bluesy guitar music]
♪
Ah.
[phone vibrating]
You can't run from me, Manfred.
I'm not running. 
I'm paying you back.
- I just need time.
- Too late. 
I will find you.
Gotta go.
["Lonely Boy" by The Black Keys] [upbeat rock music]
♪
♪ Well, I'm so above you ♪
♪ And it's plain to see ♪
♪ But I came to love you anyway ♪
♪ So you tore my heart out ♪
♪ And I don't mind bleeding ♪
♪ Any old time to keep me waiting ♪
♪ Waiting, waiting ♪ [laughing]
Hey, Grandma.
You look terrible.
Look who's talking.
Don't tell me. 
Another hijacking?
Only a second. 
I ended it quick.
Couple of pills, headache's gone.
This move will be good for you.
You need to settle down.
You need a home.
I need to disappear.
I can't think of a place better to disappear to.
You'll be safe in Midnight.
That'd mean a whole lot more coming from someone who wasn't dead.
[laughing]
♪ I'm a lonely boy ♪
♪ Oh, whoa, oh ♪
♪ I got a love that keeps me waitin' ♪ [hawk screeches] [instrumental music]
♪
Mr. Snuggly, just wait a minute.
I'm almost done.
[cat meows]
♪ [scoffs]
♪ [engine turns off] [engine revs]
A musician.
Pawning a... trumpet?
That's it. 
You nailed it.
[sighs]
[mysterious music]
♪
- Don't cry.
- [crying]
- It won't be long.
- I don't want to die.
You'll be an angel up in Heaven with God.
We cast you out, every unclean spirit... [screaming]
- Every legion!
- Wonders...
My own children leave me here to rot!
Go to hell!
Company pull!
[men shouting, gunshots]
- Attack!
- [screaming]
Hey.
You must be Manfred.
You made good time from Dallas.
No traffic the last five hours.
No, there isn't.
I'll show you your new home.
Come on.
The last tenant left the furniture.
If particle board bothers you, you're welcome to come by the shop.
It's f... it's fine.
I like newer things.
RV out front suggests otherwise.
[scoffs]
Hey, I gotta come clean, man.
I checked you out before renting the house.
I hope it's not a problem.
That you're a psychic?
No, just the opposite.
I was gonna offer you a month's free rent if you could help me out.
My fiancée, well...
Aubrey, she... she walked out.
And she's not returning my calls...
Let me stop you. 
It's...
It's not real.
I tell people what they want to hear.
I'm just really good at reading people.
That's all it is.
Well, no harm in asking.
You got the place for a month.
You need it any longer...
I know where to find you. 
Thanks.
Mm-hmm.
[mellow folksy music]
♪
_
[indistinct chatter] [bluesy rock plays]
♪
Does this look like a Walmart?
No. 
I don't provide crayons.
Amuse your own children.
♪
I'd like to place an order to go.
You're Manfred. 
Bobo said he had a new tenant.
I saw your RV, nice ride.
I know. 
Real chick magnet.
I'm Creek.
I live behind the Gas  Go with my dad and little brother, Connor.
- Cool.
- Follow me.
- Where?
- The Midnighter's Room.
It's where we sit.
Except the Rev. He eats alone.
Now that you live here, you eat with us.
So if Midnighters eat there then...
The rest of the folks are ranchers, folks from Davy.
- Well, I don't want to bother.
- You're not.
It's usually more crowded.
Folks are getting ready for tomorrow.
It's the Annual Fall Picnic. 
You should come.
Well, if you'll be there.
You meet your neighbors yet?
Sort of. 
You're the non-musician.
That's Olivia.
Lemuel Bridger.
You eat beef?
Wouldn't have moved to Texas if I didn't.
- Do you trust me?
- No.
But I'll let you pick out my dinner.
You'll like it. 
I promise.
Don't let her father see you looking at her like that.
I didn't mean any offense.
- If I'm interrupting...
- You're not.
[bluesy rock music continues]
♪
I live under the pawn shop, work the night shift.
That's very nice.
He's hot. 
And he's real interesting.
He's interesting because he's here.
No family, no friends.
He's running from something.
Then he'll fit in just fine.
- Apologies.
- For what?
[dramatic musical sting] [wheezy breaths]
[rasping breaths] [panting]
It's been a while since I've eaten.
I'm weak, and I was worried.
They look like they could be trouble, so I leeched energy.
Leeched? 
What are you exactly?
Vampire's one word for it.
Seriously?
Holy... 
What the hell?
I'm beginning to take offense.
Frankly, I'm less frightening than those sons of Lucifer.
Here. 
You'll feel better.
Told you.
[chuckles]
What's so funny?
Usually I'm the freak in the room.
So, uh... none of this neck thing?
Oh, that's always on the menu.
Madonna's pot roast special.
See, I told you you'd like it.
So, if you want, I could stop by your place tomorrow and we could go to the picnic.
I'm not sure. 
I had a big day of driving...
I'm spent.
You'll feel better in the morning.
I'll have to miss it, but you should go.
Midnight... is very different in daylight.
♪ I'm gonna need someone to help me ♪
♪ I'm gonna need somebody's hand ♪
♪ I'm gonna need someone to hold me down ♪
♪ I'm gonna need someone to care ♪
Fiji, why don't you jump him already?
That's not what I was thinking.
Yeah, I know what you were thinking.
I was admiring his cooking techniques.
And don't make that dirty.
- Why did she bring the new guy?
- 'Cause she's lonely.
Don't worry. 
I made him cookies. 
Sand tarts.
If he had bad intentions, he'd be tossing those cookies as we speak.
Did you poison our new neighbor?
It's not poison if he doesn't have poisonous intentions.
- [laughs] 
- Rasta!
What is that stupid dog going on about?
- Rasta! 
Quiet.
- Rasta, what is it?
So you want me to get you something?
Oh, we'll come meet you in a second.
So what do you think?
You happy you came?
Yeah, you were right to get me out.
Gives me a new perspective on...
- [Fiji screaming] 
- Fiji!
[indistinct shouts]
What's wrong?
It's okay.
[dramatic music]
♪
I need to report a body. 
She's in the river.
No, she's definitely dead.
- [flies buzzing] 
- She's all bloated.
No, I know her. 
That's Aubrey.
Aubrey Hamilton.
[woman crying]
Deputies will be coming by your homes over the next couple days to get your statements.
I don't want anybody leaving town without calling the department, getting our permission.
Understood?
[indistinct murmuring]
Haven't seen you before.
Uh, I'm new.
Just moved to Midnight.
You, uh, you live here?
Heck no. 
I live in Davy.
Work with the Roca Fria County Sheriff's department.
Midnight's just in our jurisdiction.
Why Midnight? 
Why would you move here?
Uh, it's, um, quiet.
- And cheap.
- A reason for that.
Truth is, I'm surprised this kind of thing hasn't happened before.
- Kind of thing?
- Occult murder.
You know, the kids in Davy, they dare one another to walk Witch Light Road on full moons.
It's got a bit of a ghost town vibe, but people seem nice.
Do they?
Some folks say she's a witch.
Or a lesbian.
Could be both.
Well, I wouldn't be surprised to find a skin suit in that pawn shop.
Her next of kin?
Me, I suppose. 
She's got an aunt.
Raised her after her parents died.
I-I don't know her name.
So she was gone for two weeks.
You didn't report her missing.
- I thought she walked out.
- Forgot her stuff.
Well, she didn't have much stuff.
- Couple suitcases of clothes.
- Why'd she leave?
Well, we fought. 
And, uh... and I got mean.
You know, and I... 
And I-I told her to get out.
But, Sheriff, I didn't intend for that.
- Poor thing.
- He better shut up before he says something he can't take back.
[police radio chatter]
Even dead, the bitch is trouble.
[water dripping]
[shivering] [eerie music] [flies buzzing]
♪ [dramatic musical sting] [gasping] [water splashing]
♪
Aubrey, you don't belong here.
I didn't give you permission.
Go away. [whimpering]
Go away!
[water splashing] [gurgling]
♪
_
If it means you go away, fine, but my way.
Precautions in place.
[gurgling, mumbling]
Bobo Winthrop, I love you.
Well, I'm here with my beautiful girlfriend and I was hoping that you would do me the honor of becoming my wife.
Aubrey, marry me.
- Yes, I'll marry you!
- Yes?
Yes, I'll be your wife! 
Yes!
- She said yes!
- Look, look!
It's so beautiful.
Honey, you are the most beautiful girl
I have ever laid eyes on and thank you for making an honest man of me.
Oh, fits perfectly.
[both laughing]
- All righty.
- [both laughing]
I love it!
[soft clunk]
I brought you breakfast.
I can't eat.
How about I keep you company then?
We don't have to talk.
I'll just sit here.
That'd be nice.
[crows cawing] [instrumental music]
♪
[water bubbling] [dramatic musical sting]
Taking holy water?
Yeah. 
Yes, I-I am.
- Reverend, I'm...
- Manfred.
I know who you are.
Sunday service starts at 8:00, if you're interested.
- She wanted four kids.
- Four?
I told her she was crazy.
But, you know, I'm open to compromise.
- Of course.
- We could get a dog.
[both laughing]
- [clears throat] 
- Sheriff Livingston.
- I need to talk to Bobo.
- Okay, um, I'll go.
No, could you stay?
Yeah.
We got the coroner's preliminary report.
Single gunshot to the abdomen.
But the official cause of death was drowning.
Who would do that? 
Who would hurt her?
Aubrey wasn't... who you thought.
Her real name... 
Aubrey Hamilton-Lowry.
What are you talking about?
That doesn't make any sense. 
She was engaged to me.
She was married five years ago.
Sons of Lucifer.
So a white supremacist?
Name's Peter Lowry.
He just got out of Beaumont Federal.
Served three years for assault.
Let me guess. 
You can't find him.
He's Sons of Lucifer. 
He's protected.
He's got reach.
You Midnighters, you like to take care of things yourselves, but in this case, don't.
If he shows up here, you call us.
Understood.
[tense music]
♪
[exhales]
Don't be coy.
[whooshing] [water bubbling]
Stay on that side.
[gurgling]
What is it you need to tell me?
♪
Hey, whoa, whoa, slower. 
Slower.
♪
P.
E. C. A.
D.
O.
S.
Pecados.
[screaming]
A friend of yours?
[gunshot]
I was wrong. 
Made a mistake.
I don't want to die.
[sobbing] [woman screaming]
No, I called for Aubrey, not the rest of you.
You're all unwelcome in my... [sinister growling]
[indistinct chanting]
This is my home.
You have no right...
Die.
I made a mistake! 
I don't want to die!
[screaming]
[flies buzzing] [eerie music]
♪
[Western rock music]
♪
I didn't see you at the picnic.
I don't eat barbeque.
Did you know Aubrey Hamilton?
Came in and prayed from time to time.
But she wanted to talk to God, not me.
She was a sweet girl.
Even though she pretty much lied to you about everything?
Well, what I meant was...
I thought she was sweet until I knew she was duplicitous.
Well, the crime scene was, uh, ritualistic...
Animal remains, bones.
I thought that was curious.
Curious, no.
It's wicked and sad.
Witchcraft. 
That's your thing, right?
Wicca.
Lot of animal sacrifices in that Wicca?
Bundy and Dahmer, Son of Sam...
All of them started out with critters before they killed people, and not a Wiccan in the bunch.
She'd always come in with some Pinterest board.
Stripper trendy was her aesthetic.
Okay, so when she did come in, did she ever confide in you?
Talk about Bobo?
You mean, like girl talk?
Aubrey didn't talk.
She liked how I did her nails.
Damn it.
[edgy music]
♪
Hello again.
I need to take your statement, Mr. Bernardo.
She didn't approve of our lifestyle.
Didn't like the fact that Chuy was Mexican.
So it was safe to say that you didn't like the girl?
She judged me, I didn't like how that made me feel.
So I didn't judge her.
The Christian way, right?
I just moved here.
I have nothing do to with any of this.
I'd like to take a look around, if you don't mind.
Uh, actually, I do mind. 
I mind a lot.
- Why?
- 'Cause you're acting weird.
And you lie to people for a living.
[fly buzzes]
I don't. 
I can prove it.
Does "Pecados" mean anything to you?
Now, I've heard of departments consulting with psychics.
I never put much stock in it.
My grandmother did it all the time.
I got a Magic 8-Ball.
Maybe I should shake it, figure out who stole Levi's Subaru.
[laughs]
Hey, we got something!
Could your 8-Ball do that?
[tense music]
♪
I already have consultations scheduled in Phoenix...
Cancel them.
You're part of this investigation.
Don't leave town.
[cat purrs]
You said I'd be safe.
Well, I thought you'd lay low, not conjure up angry ghosts.
I conjured one ghost.
Not a crowd of 'em.
Certainly not whatever that was under that floor.
Midnight's not the same as most places.
Which is why I need to get the hell out as soon as... possible.
- Olivia.
- You okay?
- I-I heard voices.
- You did.
Me. 
On the phone.
- Oh.
- So, uh...
I'm surprised. 
I thought you were avoiding me.
I was. 
Till now.
- [knocking at door] 
- Coming.
It's late.
I know. 
I'm sorry. 
I'm worried...
- [thud, muffled grunt] 
- What was that?
[muffled groaning]
Olivia, deal with your anger issues.
Ugh, help me get him up.
Why exactly is he naked?
I was checking for wires, GPS trackers.
We live such different lives.
This is unexpected.
Oh, well, now that you're done sleeping in, how 'bout some help?
Ahh!
Looks like I'm just in time for the fun.
Hundreds of Podunk towns in Texas.
- Why ours?
- Luck, I suppose.
Do you work for the police or any law enforcement agency?
- No.
- Were you sent here
- to find someone?
- No.
- Did my dad send you?
- Y-your dad? 
No!
I'm getting bored and hungry.
Okeydoke, this could go sideways real fast.
I don't want that. 
You don't want that.
I'm good either way.
I'm here 'cause my grandma got a feeling.
A psychic feeling that I'd be safe here.
Her reads are usually spot-on but Xylda's also a pathological liar, so there's that.
Xylda? 
Gypsy Xylda?
- You... you know my grandma?
- I do.
- How's she doing?
- Dead.
Going on a year now. 
Throat cancer.
After a run-in with someone who tried to kill me,
Xylda said I should hide here.
Who are you hiding from, and why do they want you dead?
Really wants Xylda dead, but it's too late for that.
I guess I'm the only one left to get payback from.
Who'd want to hurt Xylda?
She ran scams, removed fake hexes, curses, stole and spent more than $2 million.
Still doesn't explain why he's so chummy with the sheriff.
They showed up my door.
I didn't want to give them my secrets.
So I gave 'em Aubrey's.
I-I'm done with the questions and getting punched in the face, thank you.
So either end it already or let me get dressed.
Untie him.
- He's one of us.
- [sighs]
Midnight has been a haven for people like us for centuries.
Some, like Xylda, stop for a bit and move on.
Others, like us, make this home.
Wait, everyone here is..
- What are you?
- None of your business.
Olivia's a friend.
Her, Bobo, human, but open-minded.
Your grandma wasn't wrong.
If you can stand the summers and the neighbors,
Midnight is pretty safe.
As long as we're quiet, cops and regular folks tolerate us, but...
The bitch dying isn't quiet.
And with the police and media digging, torches and pitchforks aren't far behind.
Question: you said people like us are drawn here.
What's so special about this place?
Oh, well, Midnight sits on powerful mystical energy.
The veil between the living and the dead is awful thin here.
- Oh.
- Oh, what?
Oh, I get why Xylda liked this place so much.
You want me to get some salve for your face?
No, I just want to go home.
Of course. 
Apologies for the little misunderstanding.
This is usually a quiet and peaceful town.
[upbeat dramatic music]
♪
Looking for me?
So you killed Aubrey because you found out the truth about her?
You're not welcome here.
'Cause we know the truth about you.
Where'd you hide the weapons, the money?
They don't belong to you. 
Tell me that... maybe you live to see sunrise.
I think you misjudged the situation.
- [scoffs] 
- I don't care either way.
[gunshots] [screaming]
I didn't ask for your help, man.
Well, this isn't just about you anymore.
Aubrey is not worth dying for.
Now you go on home.
It's my shift anyway.
[muffled grunting]
You're welcome.
- Can you deal with that?
- Sure.
[screaming] [groaning]
I need a word.
Ahh!
I'm gonna make you the same offer you gave my friend.
If you tell me who sent you, then you get to live to see the sunrise.
You want a war, old man, you got one.
God forgives. 
The Sons of Lucifer don't.
Aah!
My brothers are gonna come through and burn this damn place to the ground.
- It's getting late.
- Aah!
No sunrise for you, but a warm dinner for me.
Aah!
- Hey.
- Hey.
[country western music in background]
♪
What in the world happened to you?
I wish I had some sexy story to tell.
It's just, uh... me, a box, and a high shelf.
Uh, a heavy box, apparently.
Very.
Haven't seen you since the picnic.
You, uh, you okay?
I can't stop thinking about it.
That be all for you today?
Uh... yep.
Take a break, honey.
Great. 
Thanks, Dad.
What were you talking to her about?
Being... neighborly.
Pleasantries.
That better be all.
[cash register dings]
That'll be $12.50.
[eerie music]
♪ [liquid dripping]
♪
[phone vibrating]
Hello?
I know you're in Texas.
You were in Dallas.
I'm getting closer.
[sighs]
[knock at door]
- Hey.
- Hey.
I stopped by your house, but...
Uh, yeah, lot of flies, bugs.
I'll talk to Bobo if I decide to stay.
Oh.
Well, I just wanted to apologize for before.
My dad's weird and I didn't want to get into a thing with him, so if I was cold to you, that's why.
Yeah, no apology necessary. 
We're good.
Oh, good. 
I'm glad we're good.
Uh, well, since you came all this way, you want to have a beer?
I guess, yeah.
I gotta admit, this place is nothing like I thought.
Yeah, it's its own thing.
- Makes for good stories, though.
- Stories?
- You a writer?
- I write, but no.
I'm not a writer.
Someday, I'll go back to school.
Once Connor's out of the house 'cause my dad would be real tough solo.
Yeah, that, uh, can't be easy for you.
He wasn't always like that.
After Mom died, he changed.
It's why we're here.
He didn't want to live anywhere that reminded him of her.
Going to high school in Davy sucked.
I was known as the chick who lived with freaks.
Okay, fine.
Not that far off. 
Doesn't matter.
After all this time, they're family.
I know what Lem is.
He's not the only one with secrets.
Like Joe, from the tattoo parlor, he watches over everyone.
[grunting]
You can always count on him to help.
I wonder what brought him and Chuy to this place.
Bobo never talks about family or where he came from, but he's sweet and kind.
And you will never meet a more honest person than Bobo.
The Rev, I still haven't figured him out.
I've seen him pull a gravestone out of the ground with one hand and he's completely obsessed with his pet cemetery.
I know Fiji's more than just a New Age cat lady, but she doesn't have a mean bone in her body.
Rev's gearing up.
Case you didn't notice. 
I'm busy.
Ah.
Whatever you're doing there, won't do no good.
I'm telling ya.
Aubrey left a heap of badness in her wake.
Rancid smell of burning hair won't change that.
Yeah, keep waving them feathers.
You can leave now.
[purring] All right, I'm going over there.
And then there's Olivia.
She's got more secrets than anyone.
I understand it's a lot of money.
Well, I still need to pass.
[sighs]
Thanks.
Just checking. 
How'd the disposal go?
Good. 
No one will find the body.
So... who was on the phone?
Job offer. 
A simple hit.
Nice payday.
But since I have to call the police every time I want to leave town,
I had to say no.
You seem angry.
That's an understatement.
Perhaps I can take some of that from you.
I was wondering when you'd ask.
♪ [heartbeat thumping]
[heartbeat slows down] [moans]
Midnight's weird, but it's home.
Yeah, never lived in any one place for very long.
- There.
- Thanks.
Well, you fit in pretty well here.
- You saying I'm weird?
- You are.
I Googled you, Mr. Psychic.
[scoffs] It's a family business.
I come from a long line of gypsy fortune-tellers.
Yeah, you have the caravan to prove it.
Yep.
So are you for real?
Sometimes it's real.
Lot of times, it's theater.
Do you want to give me a reading?
- No.
- Tell me my future?
[sighs] Okay.
Um, I'll go old-school.
- Just give me your hand.
- Okay.
[soft pop music in background]
♪
Your life line's long, varied.
Will be an interesting life.
You're, uh... 
You're going to see the world.
Uh, and here, you'll meet your soul mate.
Ah, you may already have.
Someone who... sees how special you really are.
That's the theater part, right?
Busted.
[both chuckle]
Well, if you were gonna kiss me, now would be a good time.
♪
[ominous music]
♪
Bobo Winthrop, you're under arrest for the murder of Aubrey Hamilton-Lowry.
I didn't kill her!
You have the right to remain silent.
- I did not kill her!
- Anything you say... can and will be used against you in a court of law.
- No, no!
- You have the right to an attorney.
If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you.
Now do you understand these rights as I've explained them to you?
It's not my first rodeo and I am telling you,
I did not do this.
We've got evidence that says otherwise.
- Back up. 
Back up!
- Let him go!
- No!
- Please!
Back off.
- Everybody, go home.
- [gun cocks]
He would never kill her. 
He loved her!
More than she deserved!
Look, we have identified the murder weapon.
It belonged to him.
You've already decided he's guilty.
I don't trust you with our friend.
Yeah, well, I don't trust you either.
You don't want to start a war.
- Clear the road.
- He's not going anywhere.
- Neither are we.
- Go home!
Just clear the road!
Go home.
[crowd murmuring] [engine turns over] [car rattling, crunching]
She's doing this.
That's crazy. 
It's an earthquake or something.
[dramatic music]
♪
She a witch. 
I told you she's a witch!
There's no such thing as witches, Gomez.
Then what is happening?
Fiji, not this way.
This won't help him.
And tomorrow's a full moon.
I'll be unavailable for a few days.
We have got to be smart about this, Fij.
Not angry.
I'll help.
However I can.
And I think I can.
[cries] [metal creaking] [siren whoops randomly]
Okay. 
I'ma crank the car.
Hurry up.
- We're gonna get out of here.
- Hurry up!
♪ They're shutting down all the exit lanes ♪
♪ Means one thing ♪
♪ Trouble's coming ♪
♪
♪ Maybe it's just me ♪
♪ All the midnights of madness ♪
♪ The darkness that crashes and screams ♪ [growling and rumbling]
♪ Trouble's coming ♪
♪

(swishing wine)
(gentle piano music playing)
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- That's the one.
- Yeah?
- Uh-huh.
- Thank you.
Jimmy, I got to tell you, this place is awesome.
How'd you find it?
Oh, that's a funny story, actually.
I was driving to work...
Eh. 
You don't have a job.
Okay. 
Fine.
I was driving to the store, and this...
Well, now I feel like you're lying.
- Hey, could you just listen, please?
- Okay. 
Yeah.
All right. 
Fine. 
I'm driving somewhere.
Okay. 
Good enough.
- And this greasy goombah...
- Okay. 
Geez, Jimmy.
It's an Italian restaurant.
Lower your voice.
Oh, sorry.
Okay. 
This greasy goombah
- cuts me off out of nowhere, right?
- Yeah.
Okay, so I start following him.
And I'm yelling at him to pull over, right?
Then he pulls into a parking lot.
I jump out. 
I grab the tire iron.
- I'm gonna tune him up.
- Hmm.
And then it hits me.
This smell.
And I'm like, "That's good.
- That's, like, real good." 
- Oh.
So I forget the goombah, and I run in here, and I put my name down with the doorwoman.
- The hostess?
- I don't know, Mick. 
The broad in the front.
Oh.
Well, that is, uh, yeah.
- That's quite a story. 
Okay.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
All right. 
Well, uh, look, regardless of how we got here, I'm having a really good time.
It's really nice of you. 
Thanks.
Yeah? 
Well, you know, still got a little speed on my fastball.
- Guess so.
- Yeah.
For the lady, the spaghetti bolognese.
Thank you.
- And for you, the veal scalloppini.
- Geez.
Yeah.
- Buon appetito.
- Wow.
Buon appetito.
Oh, my God, Jimmy.
Do you see how beautiful my spaghetti is?
Yeah, I've never seen anything like that in my life.
You know what? 
I don't care if it's douchey.
I'm-a take a picture of this spaghetti.
- Yeah, document it. 
Yeah.
- I'm not judging.
I'm going to.
Yeah.
Get it real good.
Say "cheese."
(gasps) Oh!
Mick.
- I'm so sorry. 
I'm so sorry.
- What the hell?
!
I thought it would be funny and ruin the photo, okay?
How was that funny, Jimmy?
!
I was gonna scramble the noodle, flip a meatball or something.
- What?
- I didn't mean to ruin the dress or the night, okay?
- Turn around!
- (groans)
- I'm sorry.
- All right. 
You know what?
Just get up. 
We're going.
No. 
Stop, stop, stop. 
Sit down.
- I am leaving now.
- Hey.
That's $40 worth of spaghetti.
Well, enjoy your date with your spaghetti.
I'm taking the car and going home.
Okay, Mick, come here. 
Sit down! 
Mick.
Come on. 
S... 
Ah, screw it.
Oh, that's hot!
Hot! 
Hot! 
Oh! 
Oh!
(muffled grunting)
(choking)
Mick! 
Help!
- Seriously?
- (gasping)
Will someone do something?
- (patrons gasping) 
- You okay?
There you go.
Did you have that in your hand the whole time?
A gentleman never abandons his drink.
(sighs)
Teddy Grant.
Mm.
We're through, Jimbo.
Then he invited me to dinner on his boat.
(chuckles)
There's nothing more suspicious than a man who can't live on land.
Well, I'll make do. 
Jimmy used to live in a car.
Ooh, bum to a pirate. 
You're really moving up in the world.
You're dating a pirate?
- Does he have a hook?
- No.
He doesn't have a hook, Ben.
Because he's not a pirate.
Teddy Grant is a very sexy, sophisticated gentleman.
What? 
Hold on. 
Teddy Grant?
Yeah. 
Why? 
What's wrong? 
Is he a diddler or something?
That's dude is the heir to a family in Greenwich that has been around since the Revolutionary War.
That boat is a 90-foot yacht.
Ah! 
Really?
Is it a joke? 
Are you joking?
This isn't time for jokes.
He is insanely out of your league.
He's not out of my league.
What are you talking about?
Eh, he's old money, I'm new money.
You're no money.
ALBA: 
Well, I'm just happy you finally find a man you deserve.
You wasted too much time
- on that trash bag, Jimmy.
- Yeah.
(phone buzzing, Chip groans)
This number keeps hammer-calling me.
What?
!
Wait a minute.
Hello?
You guys, it's Mom and Dad!
- BEN: 
Mommy!
- What? 
Dad!
- Mom?
- Poodle!
Dad.
- Hey, Dad, can you hear me?
- (static crackling)
CHRISTOPHER (distorted): 
Be still, Fernando. 
We shouldn't...
- POODLE: ... disgusting.
- Daddy!
Mother!
Chip, shut up! 
We can't hear them.
POODLE: 
Shouldn't even be...
CHRISTOPHER: 
Plain at the...
POODLE: 
Go bag in the... (beep)
They're safe!
They called us to let us know that they're okay.
SABRINA: 
They didn't call us, you idiot.
That was a butt dial.
Okay. 
It has to mean something, because my number was in their phone.
You know what it means?
It means that they could've been calling us this whole time, but they haven't.
How do you call somebody with your butt?
Okay, Benito, come on. 
I think we go somewhere else.
Thanks, Alba.
All right. 
Guys, listen.
I recognize that this is a really big deal.
But I got to figure out an appropriate thing to wear for a boat date.
Okay, Benito.
Don't pay any attention to them.
How about if I put on a fun time kid's program?
(gasps) Annoying Orange! 
Annoying Orange!
- Annoying Orange!
- Yeah, that is definitely annoying.
Okay. 
Here you go, Benito.
Go on.
There you go.
Okay. 
Hmm.
♪ ♪
TEDDY: 
So here's a bunch of dials and switches.
But I'm not gonna bore you with what they all do.
Do you know what they do or you got a guy for that?
I know exactly what they do.
I'm just kidding. 
I got a guy for that.
(laughs)
And this is the bedroom.
Hmm.
(chuckles)
Mm. 
Ooh!
- You okay?
- Yeah.
I just get a little seasick sometimes. 
It's fine.
I have something for that.
- Oh, yeah?
- You know, when you spend as much time on a yacht as I do, you tend to become immune
- to those things.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm. 
Oh.
- I can get you some water.
- Thank you.
You know, I've got to say, I've never seen anyone get seasick on a docked boat before...
Whoa! 
No!
Hmm?
You just drink that whole thing?
I mean, there's a little bit left in the bottom if you want it.
No. 
No. 
You're only supposed to drink a capful of this thing.
Do you want to sit down?
Oh, no.
Don't you worry about me.
I can handle my medicine.
(cackles)
Oh, hello, sir!
Where did you come from?
(laughs) This guy'll be like,
(high-pitched voice): "I miss my family! 
Put me back!"
- Well...
- Oh, God!
It's so gross, though, you know, when you touch it.
- Ooh!
- Uh, you know, I could,
I could hold off, I could hold off for a minute.
Maybe you should hold off a minute.
(both laugh)
- Believe this guy?
- Okay, okay.
(laughs)
Hey, can I tell you a secret?
Okay. 
Here's my secret.
Okay.
Normally, I'd be all over this deck, just riding your brains out.
But I like you. 
I think there's something sweet about you.
And so I want to take it slow. 
Okay?
Okay. 
Yeah. 
Slow, slow... 
Okay.
- (laughing): 
You don't need that.
- Yeah. 
No, I do, I do, yes.
Slow is good. 
Slow is really...
- Why don't you have a seat?
- Yeah! 
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 
I'll take this.
Um... 
I'll take this guy.
Look, um...
Mickey, I like you.
And... and I want to let you know that
I'm... 
I'm going away for a bit.
Yeah.
I'm, I'm going to America's Cup.
It's a sailing race.
Yeah. 
Look, I leave in three days.
- I'm gonna be gone for a couple months.
- Okay.
Okay. 
Okay.
Yeah. 
Um...
Me, too.
Should I get you some water?
Mm-mm!
I'm good.
- You good?
- Yeah.
- All right, I'm gonna get you some water.
- It's good. 
No, no, no!
- No. 
All's good.
- Yeah?
You know what? 
I'm just gonna take a quick mosey around, find the place where ladies go pee-pee.
I'll be back in one second.
- It's actually inside.
- Uh... (screams, water splashes)
- Oh, my God.
- (screams)
Mickey, are you okay?
Oh, uh, whoopsie. 
Oh.
Oh, you guys.
I made a real ass out of myself.
And he's leaving in three days.
No. 
Do not give up, Miss Mickey.
You cannot got back to Jimmy
- and his smells.
- I can't wait till Mom and Dad get back home so I don't have to listen to these inane conversations anymore.
They are not coming home.
How can you say that?
Hey, guys, come on. 
We got to stick together.
I know this is a really tough situation.
It's not a tough situation.
It's very straightforward.
They're not coming back. 
Okay? 
(scoffs)
What are we even talking about?
You know what? 
I'm moving into their bedroom.
- No frickin' way.
- Well, hold... hold on.
Don't go crazy. 
You're not moving into my bedroom.
(laugh) Oh. 
Obviously not. 
Your bedroom is gross.
I'm taking the master.
I thought I was in the master.
(laughing): 
Oh! 
Mickey.
This is the master.
MICKEY: 
What?
! 
Where has this been?
SABRINA: 
Well, maybe you should broaden your horizons beyond your bedroom and the refrigerator.
Oh, I'm-a rip Teddy to shreds in here.
Nobody's ripping anybody to shreds in here.
Okay? 
Get away from that! 
Put that down.
And take your frickin' shoes off.
Or what? 
You'll tell Mom?
I'll take them off for you.
Why don't I just tell Mom myself? 
Hey, Mom?
I'm getting mud all over your carpet. 
Do you mind?
Oh. 
Guess not.
Don't touch that drawer.
Okay? 
Don't touch her jewelry!
Don't even look at it. 
You're playing a dangerous game, woman.
Oh, is Little Orphan Annie getting mad?
Oh, oh.
Okay. 
Okay. 
Okay. 
Everybody relax.
We don't need to scream at each other in front of your brother.
(dramatic music playing on tablet)
(woman screaming)
I've had about enough of this.
You guys are trespassing.
You know what? 
He's got a good point.
You guys are trespassing. 
Please go.
Yeah. 
That's cute. 
I'm the oldest Pemberton.
This room is mine.
Well, I'm your leader.
So this room is mine.
Yeah. 
Well, I'm the man of the house, and I say no one gets it.
You already have a room.
Hmm, my room sucks.
I'm gonna take this one.
Well, Mom and Dad are coming home, and I can prove it.
"Well, Mom and Dad are coming home, and I can prove it."
I'm serious. 
I have hard evidence.
What are you talking about?
I record all my phone calls.
What?
Creepy.
Is it? 
Is it creepy to be ahead of everybody at all times?
- Yeah.
- Definitely.
No.
All righty.
Okay.
How much time did you spend on that?
More time than you've spent on anything in your life.
First, we will listen to this call as a group.
Second, we will isolate each and every noise
- that we hear.
- Oh, my God. 
Just play it.
CHIP: 
If I don't get that sports channel bundle,
- I'm suing your family...
- Okay. 
All right.
All right, that's different. 
That's different.
Let's, um...
Let's refocus.
Okay?
- SABRINA: 
Mom?
- MICKEY: 
Poodle.
CHIP: 
Dad.
- CHRISTOPHER: 
I will...
- CHIP: 
Hey, Dad, can you hear me?
CHRISTOPHER: 
Please tell Fernando we...
CHIP: 
Daddy! 
Mother!
SABRINA: 
Chip, shut up.
We can't hear them.
POODLE: 
We shouldn't even be...
- CHRISTOPHER: 
Plain at...
- (goose squawks)
POODLE: 
It's... go bag in the...
Okay.
So what did we hear?
I heard a sad little boy whose mommy doesn't love him.
I heard the honk of a goose.
I think it was the honk of a horn.
You're actually both right.
There was a goose honk and a foghorn.
Also, the words "Fernando," "plane," and "go-bag."
Now, I did some research, and most of the world's major ports with native geese are in South America, which lines up with Fernando.
And where did Mom and Dad go on their honeymoon?
Chile.
So you think Mom and Dad are in Chile?
No. 
But they were.
But between go-bags and plane,
I think Fernando smuggled them out of Chile and is bringing them home.
MICKEY: 
Okay.
I guess that settles it.
I'm moving into the master.
So I think this new bedroom will be a good thing for you and ocean man Teddy.
I don't know, Alba. 
I told you,
I went full beast mode on our date.
I'm not sure he's into it.
But you've come so far from that tragedy man Jimmy.
You must try.
You really hate Jimmy, huh?
He is dog.
All right. 
Well, I don't know what you want me to do.
You need to bring Teddy up to the boom-bang room, and you need... just... and... and then... and then...
Oh... (teeth clatter)
You know, seal the deal.
- Yeah. 
I want all of that.
- Hmm.
But I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
- He hasn't called me.
- Well, then, call him.
Me call him? 
Have you lost your mind?
Oh. 
I know, I know.
You can, uh, by accident, call him.
You know, you put the phone by the butt.
It makes the call.
Like Christopher and Poodle did.
The old butt-dial.
Butt-dial, yeah.
Hmm.
I don't know, Mickey.
This is a bit intense.
Okay, maybe this is not the time to be subtle.
It's too late now. 
Just come on.
Thanks again for waxing my bikini line, like you do every single week, Marta.
Sure. 
You are my favorite waxing client.
You make this job an absolute joy.
Oh, by the way, how did the date go?
Well, not great. 
Thanks for asking.
I think I was just really nervous.
It didn't help that I was so exhausted from all those Kegels.
Sure. 
Well, your hard work has paid off, because in over 30 years in this business,
I have never seen a more perfect downstairs on a lady.
Hm. 
Thanks, Marta.
It is so soft, and young and supple, like the neck of a turkey.
Ooh... ooh...
I... 
I mean, it's just that I wish Teddy could find it in his heart to give me a second chance.
That's mine! 
That's mine! 
(coughs)
I swallowed a frog. (clears throat)
I wish I could... 
Teddy could find it in his heart to give me a second chance. (whispers inaudibly)
Anyway, uh, thanks for letting me pour my heart out to you, Marta.
I love you equally as a friend and an employee.
Sure. 
And I love listening to your many, many problems.
I... 
I want to squeeze you around your neck until you can't breathe anymore. 
I just...
So you thought saying that it resembled the neck of a turkey would be...
They are majestic animals.
I can't even wrap my mind around what that means.
In my country, it's a real high compliment.
- Is that what... 
Oh!
- (cell phone ringing)
(screams) Oh, oh!
Shut up! 
Shut up! 
Shut up! 
Shut up!
Hello?
Oh, hey, stranger.
(laughing)
God, I'm still so embarrassed about the butt dial.
Sorry about that.
It's a shame I'm going so soon.
Yeah. 
It really is. 
It really is.
I think we're just gonna have to kick things up a notch.
What happened to taking things slowly?
Oh, that? 
No.
That was, that was so stupid.
I said that forever ago, when I was young and dumb.
But I'm not that anymore.
Now I'm old and wise.
Hmm, no, not old.
(laughs) I'm wise.
And young and hot.
Guess what?
What?
I just got dibs on a brand-new master bedroom that I didn't even know existed.
I don't know what that means, but... 
I'm in.
Oh, come on.
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Settling in. 
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I forget to take my shoes off?
(yells)
Oh... my God!
Show some respect!
(grunting)
Idiot.
- (grunts) - (yells)
(glass shatters)
No face shots.
(screams)
(grunts)
That was my face, you... (grunts)
(grunting)
(slow, distorted shouting)
(grunting)
- I'm going to kill you.
- I'll kill you more.
(slow, distorted grunting)
(slow, distorted grunting)
SABRINA: 
You like that?
Remind you of Mommy, Chip?
(muffled): 
Alba! 
(screams)
(muffled): 
Alba! 
Alba!
(muffled): 
No! 
Come back!
That's right, come here.
(muffled screams)
(grunts)
(groans)
- (screaming) - (yelling)
Well, if it isn't the two little pigs.
They wrote a story about you guys.
That's the three little pigs.
Oh. 
Well, you're the expert.
Who are they?
Why, are you jealous?
(laughs)
(grunts) Oh!
- (grunts) - (glass shatters)
Hey, hey! 
All right! 
Stop it!
What are you doing?
Okay, Chip. 
Chip. 
What the hell?
- Hey, you guys stop it right now!
- Oh, my God. 
No.
- (grunting)
- Whoa, hey, knock it off.
- Walk away!
- I'll kill you!
(slow, distorted shouting)
(grunting)
(yells)
CHIP: 
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, I think I killed her.
(screams): 
Sabrina!
(high-pitched crying)
(slow, distorted shouting)
Oh! 
Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay.
No, no, just... (screams)
Oh, no. 
What did you do?
I didn't mean to do it. 
I didn't mean it!
- Pull it out!
- Alba!
No, no, no. 
Bed, bed, bed. 
Go away.
You get out of here.
You shouldn't see this.
(whimpering)
(both screaming)
(screaming)
- Cool.
- (screaming continues)
Okay, I think he'd like me to travel with him.
So I can operate... 
I can operate this, I can do it.
Okay. 
You are really...
Get that woman away from me!
Uh, just call me. 
If they...
- Uh...
- (whimpering)
- If they give you a glass eye, you just...
- Get away!
- Get away!
- Okay. 
Okay. 
I'll wait for you.
Sorry. 
All right, good luck. 
You call me.
- We'll do a rain check. 
Okay?
- (Teddy cries out)
(breathing heavily)
(phone buzzing)
Damn it, they called again when we were fighting.
Oh, just play it.
(phone beeps)
- (passionate moaning over phone) 
- Oh, my God, is that... ?
Fast forward. 
Fast forward.
POODLE: 
Oh, so overweight.
CHRISTOPHER: 
Well, you're an alcoholic.
Is that to-go bag with that salad still in the fridge?
POODLE: 
Oh, God. 
You just ate a pizza.
CHRISTOPHER: 
Well, it was very plain.
I'm calling downstairs to the front desk.
POODLE: 
Can't you just leave them alone?
CHRISTOPHER: 
What are you talking about?
- Fernando loves me.
- (phone beeps)
Maybe they're trying to tell us something in code?
Chip.
Why couldn't they just call and tell us that they miss us?
You know what? 
Screw them. 
Okay?
I'm here.
You're right. 
Screw them.
You should take the room.
Nah, I'm good.
Hey. 
You looking for Chris and Poodle Pemberton?
This is a direct line. 
Enjoy.
(dramatic music, screaming)
Ben, are you watching Alien?
Oh, come on, man.
Aliens is a way better movie.
- I didn't know.
- (scoffs)
Jimmy, we're watching Aliens. 
I'll show you.
Give me that.
That is gonna put me in a weird space, but okay.
You'll be all right.
All right, you guys.
- Here.
- Thanks.
(grumbles)
CHIP (recording): 
Hey, Jen. 
It's Chip. (chuckles)
Just calling to see what's up.
MAN (recording): 
Chip, this is Jennifer's dad.
- This is the 76th consecutive day you've called her.
- Oh.
- It's getting scary.
- (both chuckling)
I need you to never, ever call again.
- Mm.
- (phone chimes)
- Incoming call.
- Okay.
Ignore it and trace the voice mail.
(beeps)
CHIP (recording): 
You've reached Chip Pemberton.
Please leave a message.
CHRISTOPHER: 
Hey, buddy. 
It's Dad.
I've got to make this fast.
I'm so sorry we haven't been in touch, but it's very dangerous for us to call.
Look, I wish I could be there for your lacrosse games.
I hope that bonehead coach is giving you the playing time you deserve.
Anyway, I need you to be brave for me, son.
We don't know when we can come home, but your mom and I care about you kids more than anything.
We'll fix this, Chip.
- We love you.
- Mm.
- Did you get it?
- (beeping)
Got 'em.

Previously on "Workin' Moms":
Frankie, no.
I'm going to take a bath. 
Alone.
Marvin: 
I haven't introduced myself since you returned.
I'm Marvin. 
I'm the new manager.
Kate: 
Frankie, listen to me, okay?
I know you're scared,all right? 
I'm scared.
What? 
You've always got your shit together, man, you're like a cop.
I know what you're up to at work, okay?
- I'm not an idiot.
- Jenny: 
Ian!
Probably let you two duke it out right here and now.
- [Gunshot] I'll kill you.
- Oh.
Anne: 
Lesbian, I stick to lesbian porn.
- Jenny: 
Really?
- Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I'm not a lesbian, obvs, but...
I just find it it's the only kind of porn that doesn't look like someone's getting hurt.
You know? 
Frankie? 
You know what I mean, right?
- I don't watch porn.
- Really? 
At all?
Yeah. 
No, would always seem like such a weird thing to do.
You know, watching strangers have sex?
It's like watching somebody go to the bathroom.
Hm.
Sometimes it's exactly what the doctor ordered.
Oh, for sure.
Sometimes you can even use it like Pinterest, for sex.
What do you mean?
Like you see them doing something, and you're like yeah, I should try that sometime.
What kind of stuff?
Like positions to try or like the odd haircut.
Sometimes even elegant nail art.
Uh-uh, porno sex is no place for long nails.
I use porn to get ideas for sex noises.
Yes! 
Whadda you got?
Oh really? 
Okay uh...
[High-pitched] Oh no, no, no, no...
[Faster] No, no, no, no.
Oh. 
Oh. 
Yes, no!
[All laugh]
What was that? 
A wounded animal?
Uh sorta, it's like a bunny girl.
- Bunny?
- Girl?
Yeah, but don't worry, it's animated, so.
Wait, your porn is a cartoon?
Yeah, it's anime, so yeah, it's like fancy.
It's called Hentai.
It's Japanese, right?
So like all the women are super subservient.
They'll be like, an obese bus driver, and he's yelling at a girl to get off his bus.
But she won't go.
So he gets all worked up, and then they just do it.
Or like uh... a bunny girl will run into a wolf man in the woods.
I'm sorry, an obese bus driver?
Alicia: 
The girls, like are they children?
Oh God, no. 
Jesus, Alicia, they're of age.
They're women.
They're just meek, subservient women.
One could say that they have the minds of a child, but the bodies and the hormones, of fully-developed Japanese women.
Yeah.
You got some problems.
♪
I mean, like it was low and saggy, but this guy... he was so old and proper. 
Mm.
Kept looking at me like I was a disappointment to him.
It was hot.
Hello?
Is that Marvin?
Yeah.
Has he responded to your comment yet?
- No.
- Of course not.
What do you mean?
You wrote 'I love pants'.
What is he gonna say to that?
So what am I supposed to write?
Get outta my way.
Hm. 
What are you doing?
This is how you start an affair.
No, I don't want to start an affair.
Shut up. [Keys clack]
Delete that. 
How do you... oh my God.
Speak of the devil.
- [Nervous exhale] 
- Jenny.
- Hi, Marvin.
- Hey, Marv.
Uh, could verify this code for me?
Just wanna get it back to me when you're done?
- Okay, thanks. 
Hey.
- Yeah.
Do you think Gary ever gets laid?
Gena, delete that. 
Right now.
I'm gonna leave that up to you. 
I gotta go.
Gena! 
Shi...
So, to properly evaluate both of you, we have to factor in things like client revenues, and margins and outcomes.
Once we have all of that collated, we can figure out who's best to send for Montreal.
- Sounds amazing.
- Uh, I'm sorry, should I be concerned that I haven't been here for the last nine months?
I mean, our last years haven't exactly been neck-and-neck.
No, of course not.
We'll factor all that in when we do your evaluation.
- Okay?
- Okay. 
Really though?
It just, uh, it just feels like my recent numbers are gonna pale in comparison to Mo's.
He just said they'll take that into consideration.
Thanks for the comfort, Mo.
I just...
Look, Kate, if you're at all concerned about this, why don't you put together a portfolio of all your top accounts over the past few years.
- Oh really?
- Yeah.
Oh, that would be great. 
Thank you so much.
Absolutely. 
You know I've always had a soft spot for you.
Thank you, Richard.
Mhm. 
By 5:00 today, okay?
- Wait, five?
- Yup!
♪
♪ Here, kitty kitty kitty ♪
♪ Where did you go ♪
All right.
♪ I know there's plenty of dogs down music row ♪
♪ I need some Jack some Johnny some Emmylou ♪
♪ And the ghost of the man in the blue suede shoes ♪
♪ Well, he was dancing all the way to the grave ♪
♪ He said, Shake baby, shake, baby shake shake shake ♪
♪
♪ That's all right mama ♪ ♪ We'll be just fine ♪
♪ 'Cause the wings get dirty ♪ ♪ Don't mean they don't fly ♪
♪ It's all right, baby we'll be just fine ♪
♪ Hold your head high don't be denied ♪
♪ 'Cause the bees left the trees ♪
♪ Doesn't mean there ain't honey inside ♪
♪ 'Cause the bees left the trees ♪
♪ Deson't mean there ain't honey inside ♪
Angry bus driver...
[Speaking in Japanese]
[Clicks mouse]
You really gotta get curtains.
[Sighs]
♪
♪
Can I help you find something?
Yeah, my libido. [Chuckles]
[Coughs] Uh, I just had a baby, and I mean, I got kinda depressed and you know like, postpartum or whatever, and then my friend, Anne, who's also kind of my shrink,
she put me on some drugs and she's like you gotta, you know, reawaken that sex drive.
I'm like, knock, knock, are you even in there?
[Clears throat] My sex drive, I mean.
You know what, I am just gonna grab this and go.
That is a tool meant to help with penis enlargement.
Is that what you're looking for today?
- No.
- Come, let's talk.
[Frankie sighs]
So, you're a professional sex guy.
How do you keep it hot? 
Like, toys?
Lube?
Orgies?
My solution will not be your solution.
Your challenge is unique.
It's like Rumi said,
"The wound is the place where the light enters you."
So the wound is my vagine, and the light is a strap-on?
[Sighs]
Sometimes sex is not about sex.
The most exciting part about sex for me, is my partner.
Or sometimes it's just a little kiss, or a backrub, or a cuddle.
That's so beautiful, man.
You're really great to talk to.
Wanna go grab an omelette or something?
Thank you for the warm invitation, but if I went for every omelette or frittata that was offered me, I would be the egg man.
[Chuckles]
- [Jenny sighs] 
- Hi, Jenny.
Marvin, hi.
You're looking extra good today.
Is... is that a new shirt?
Uh, it's-it's my father's. 
I mean, it was-was my father's.
My mother gave me the contents of his closet after he died.
Oh, well, your dad must have been one sexy guy.
- Oh God.
- [Milk spills]
What a mess.
Oh, the whole floor is wet.
[Sighs]
[Groans] Oh, I'm just so clumsy.
Oh, there's so much milk here.
Um... 
Jenny,
I think it's best that you stay off Facebook while you're at work.
Uh, of course. [Sighs]
[Embarrassed exhale]
- It's just that uh...
- Is that my soy milk?
Wh-wha...
- No, no it's not your soy milk.
- What a mess.
Relax, Gary, it's just some milk.
- No, I meant you.
- Excuse me?
I was just processing some of your code, and there was a bunch of errors in it.
And then I come in here, and there's milk all over the place.
It's not all over the place.
Can you just... can you just go?
I don't need an audience.
No, you need a mop. 
And a clean pair of pants.
Woman: 
Why can't I walk through a fuckin' drive through?
What if I couldn't afford a fuckin' car?
- Mother fucker!
- [Cars honk]
What? 
You're afraid you're gonna be turned on?
- I'm helpless? 
How about this?
- Man: 
Hell no!
What about these? 
You like those?
Man: 
Will you get out of here with that shit!
[Clicks off the TV] And that is all over the news
My daughter looks up to her, actually.
Watches her show all the time.
Well, it's classic child star meltdown.
It's a rite of passage, kind of like shaving.
No, this is a lot worse than peeing in a mop bucket or something. 
It's...
Why, because God forbids she has a sex drive?
She's acting like she is a sex drive.
This is bull to the shit.
What is up with you today?
Ah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 
I just...
I got shamed at my Mommy and Me group
- for admitting I watch porn.
- What?
No one should ever be shamed for watching porn.
Thank you, Mo. 
Like, you watch porn, right?
Uh yeah, I'm a dude.
Why not ask me if I eat food, or breathe air?
- Nice.
- He does all that shit.
- Does a dog eat dog food?
- Yes.
Do I eat meat? 
Do I shit every four days?
Uh yeah, I watch that shit, too.
Shut up.
What kind of porn do you watch, man?
- I don't know, hot chicks porn?
- Nice.
Yeah, but like what category do you watch?
Big breasts? 
Babysitter?
Asian? 
BDSM? 
Mature?
What's your thing?
You know, Kate, this is the kind of conversation you could frame as sexual harassment.
Even though you're starting it.
Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Richard.
I'm not trying to make anyone feel awkward, I'm just curious.
Like when I told the moms what kind of porn I watched, they looked at me like I was a human centipede.
- [All chuckle] 
- Butt to mouth, mouth to butt.
We all know what that is Kate, yeah.
- Okay.
- I'm sure you're a real sicko.
What are you into?
Bathtub and candles porn?
[All laugh]
Actually, I'm into Hentai.
It's animated...
What, it's a cartoon?
You watch this with your son?
Oh God, no. 
No, no, no, it's, it's hardcore.
Lots of fun, yeah.
Yeah, it's like a submissive girl, legal age of course, who succumbs to her oppressor.
She's scared, but then you know, she gives in.
It's like a bunny girl and a wolf man, right.
Or... 
like an angry coach.
Climb that rope.
Got a short-ass skirt on, he knows it, she sees it.
He's not taking no guff.
Good God.
[Awkward cough]
[Awkward silence]
Come on, guys, I know you watch this stuff.
Mo, you know what I'm talkin' about, dirty dog, Mo?
Dirty old dog. [Barking]
Ralph? 
Ralphie?
Kate, Ralph is battling testicular cancer.
Ralph, I'm so sorry, I did not know that. 
I...
Guys, I don't know,
I just thought you'd be into similar stuff.
You know, like sexy Asian schoolgirls, like oh no.
Foster! 
What is wrong with you?
Let's hope there's never any Hentai in your portfolio. 
Hmm?
Meeting adjourned.
But we didn't do any work.
- Do you watch that stuff here?
- No!
No?
You better clear your browsing history.
How do you...
Oh, hi.
This won't be awkward.
- Jenny...
- What?
Jenny, look at me.
- You like that?
- Oh, fuck no.
Oh my God, I thought that's what you wanted.
A finger in my mouth?
Sorry, it's just that your post was really forward.
Yeah, well that was a mistake.
Oh. 
I'm sorry. 
I just... did you or did you not want me to come on to you?
Marvin, get a hold of yourself.
This was just some harmless office flirting, and I'm married. 
So...
Oh my God, what is wrong with me?
No, you're supposed to disregard my feelings and take what you need.
Wait really? 
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Oh, forget it.
Hey there.
Hi.
- Rough day?
- Oh, you have no idea.
Do you think I'm sexually fucked up?
Okay, um... should I be concerned that the first thing that you ask me when you get home from work is if you're a sexual weirdo?
No, of course not.
And if you were sexually effed up, wouldn't that mean that I was too, by like proxy?
Oh, forget it.
Uh, no way. 
What's going on?
It's just...
I told the Mommy and Me group about the kind of porn I watch, and they looked at me like I had a penis growing out of my forehead.
And then when I told my coworkers, they looked at me like my... like my forehead penis was deformed.
Can we stop talking about your forehead penis?
I've had sex with a lot of women...
- I'm sorry?
- And you are like the least screwed up in the most ways.
If anything, you're boring.
Thank you.
Kind of turns me on that you watch porn, though.
Maybe we could watch together.
It just might be kind of weird, because the porn I watch is kind of weird.
Kate, I'm a man. 
I've seen porn.
Okay. 
If you promise not to look at me like I've got a penis growing out of my...
I promise.
Meet me in the bedroom,
I'll bring the wine, you leave your pants.
Also bring the baby monitor.
- Okay. 
All right.
- [Kate giggling]
♪
So I see this guy walking down the sidewalk, right, with his grocery bag, and the bag rips, food goes all over the sidewalk, right. 
Apples everywhere.
And then I notice, this guy's only got one arm.
So I say to the guy, "Hey man, let me help you out,"
So I gather his stuff together,
I send him on his way.
And for a minute, I feel like a hero.
Then I'm like, what is a hero, you know?
I was in that...
Jenny? 
Jenny, are you listening?
Uh yeah, there were apples, and you were a hero.
[Chuckles] Well, I don't know. 
I mean yeah,
I guess it was kind of cool of me. 
But... it's what anybody would have done, you know?
It was like the right place, at the right time, and Zoe was watching. 
I feel like subconsciously may have picked something up.
How much nautical decor can one person have?
These guys have too much.
These were actually the centerpieces for their wedding, and I like them. 
They'll look good.
I think she'll love it. 
And if she does start to complain...
Don't. 
That tickles.
Frankie! 
What the hell?
- Giselle, we need to connect.
- About what?
I want to watch my show.
Man: 
This is perfect. 
Come here.
[Woman laughs] It looks so great.
- Man: 
You guys nailed it.
- [TV clicks off]
What are you doing? 
They made the fridge invisible, and now they can't find it.
Okay, we have let this go long enough.
Okay, we need to talk.
You know, like we need to like, hug, and, and, and, and communicate.
Did Anne give you more drugs?
No, no, no, it's just - it's just the wound is where the light enters my pain.
- What?
- [Frankie sighs]
Giselle, I'm freaking out here, okay.
I'm going to counsellors, I'm going to sex stores, and meanwhile, you're just putting your head in the everything's okay sand, and just...
Frankie...
You've got my attention.
Okay well, I've had a really hard day.
- Mm hmm?
- I burnt the dinner.
I love you.
[Hentai video] Girl:
Please, I'm so sorry.
Man: 
You pretend that you are scared but you are searching for something.
Girl: 
No. 
Yes. 
I am so embarrassed.
- Man: 
Silly girl. 
I will give you...
- [Clicks stop]
Um, she was a bunny, I get that,
- but what was he supposed to be?
- A wolf. 
He was a wolf.
- Right, sure.
- Hmm.
Hmm.
You think I'm royally effed up.
I'm just confused.
Are you trying to tell me something with this?
Oh my God, no. 
Mhm.
I mean, I always try to treat you like an equal, but this makes me think you want to be like submissive?
- No.
- Like, do you want me
- to shame you?
- I do not.
Do you want me to dress up as a wolf and shame you?
I... 
I do not.
I just I...
I just have to be so strong all the time.
- Right. 
Yeah.
- You know?
And so sometimes it's just fun to imagine that I'm like a... a small bunny, in a very small skirt, who's wandered into a petting zoo type of a situation.
And all these hands are on me, and there's only one way to get out, and that's to be brutally shamed... through sex.
But I... as a real-life human woman, do not want that.
[Big exhale]
Does that make sense?
I think so.
Okay just, I have to say,
I feel like I really regret inviting you
- into my shame closet.
- No, no, no, no.
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
- I have quirks, too.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Like what?
- When I was in college...
- Mm hmm.
I was hanging out with this weird group of guys.
I like it.
And this one time, we cornered a sheep and had sex with it.
- Wha...?
- [Chuckles]
[Laughs] Oh my God, Nathan!
Holy shit, you asshole.
No, we never had sex with a sheep.
But when I was 12,
I jerked off while I was thinking about my cousin.
- Which cousin?
- Teresa.
Ugh, Tere... disgusting.
You know what, let's just stay out of each other's shame closets.
- Okay, bunny.
- You think I'm a sicko?
No, no.
I think your porn is not my porn.
You are my porn.
Hm, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me.
If that's true, that's sad.
Makes me really horny.
♪

[theme music playing]
The general talked about killing the president.
That, along with Conway's outburst on the plane-- 
-That sounds worse than it was.
-No, that sounds exactly as bad as it was.
What's surprising to me is... the campaign couldn't get their hands around this.
I mean, Harry Marshall is as good as they come, but--
First they denied, and then they equivocated--
I mean, that's just, like, ridiculous.
You just come out, "I apologize. 
We misspoke."
Everybody knows the drill here.
And it's not like the Republicans rushed in to save the day either.
-Uh, off message throughout.
-[Van Jones] They got quiet.
Which I will never understand.
Will Conway was a rising star in the party.
Look, it's hard to compete with the Underwood machine.
Oh, God. 
Let's not do the whole "black helicopters" crazy stuff.
-[chuckling] 
-It's ridiculous.
Look, we need to accept Underwood won the election.
People need to accept the outcome and move on.
I'm gonna agree with Van.
I think we need to take a moment to appreciate the Constitution.
-It bent, but it never broke.
-That's right.
And in the end, as we all know, it came down to the Electoral College.
[Frank over cell phone] You don't have to say the words, Governor.
I think I do.
Congratulations, Mr. President Elect.
-There's no script for this one?
-Country first, sir.
I'm glad to hear you say that, Will.
I want to start to help the country heal again.
Are we done?
We are done. 
But Will...
I would very much like to show the country that our two parties can work together.
So I was hoping that you might consider becoming my transportation secretary.
I think it would send a powerful message if you agreed to join my cabinet.
You think I'd... make a good...
transportation secretary?
Oh, yes.
That's what you give the congressman from nowhere.
I'll be declining.
Well, I'm so sorry to hear that, Will.
And I wanted to wish you the very best.
You and your wishes can go fuck yourselves!
-[line disconnects] -[button clicks] [reporters speaking indistinctly on TV]
What do I do now?
[reporter] ...everyone thought it would happen.
No one thought that Underwood would win again...
I don't know.
[inhales deeply] Acknowledging defeat is never easy.
Doing it in public [clicks tongue] is a living hell.
-Well, at least the cameras like him.
-[chuckles]
Do I look satisfied?
You look somewhat satisfied.
-Good.
-Not good. 
Francis, enjoy this moment.
-You deserve it.
-You mean "we."
We made it to the other side.
Yes.
But what is on the other side?
Victory.
With a whiff of defeat.
It's taken a long time to get here, but we're here. 
Cheers, Francis.
Everything gets easier from now on.
Mmm.
They're ready for you.
-Hannah.
-I don't want to go.
-Hey.
-No.
[Hannah sighs]
Fine.
I'll do it on my own.
I'm gonna say, this is a crucial moment.
For both of you. 
How you handle tonight.
The party abandoned me. 
Your party.
I'm not the Republican Party, Will.
I work for candidates.
I worked for you.
Listen, you lost.
But more than half the country still considers you their president.
This is what's required.
Go down there, give your speech.
Concede.
[sighs]
[sighs]
As I accept all of your letters of resignation and dissolve my old cabinet,
I wanna welcome each and every one of you to my new cabinet.
-Congratulations, Mr. President.
-Thank you, Cathy.
And I especially wanna thank my wife.
Madam Vice President... thank you for your unending and unwavering support.
Your steady hand kept this country running this past month.
I owe her more than I can possibly fathom.
And she owes me.
Not true. 
You were with me all the way.
I would like to make my first 100 days as the duly elected president as productive as possible.
Of course, there are many challenges.
Shoring up the economy, securing our nation from ICO and reducing unemployment.
But the biggest challenge that we face, and the one that I'm going to need all of your help on, is reuniting a country that has never been more divided than it is today.
I believe we can meet this challenge, and that's where I'm gonna need all of your help.
So let's let the healing begin today and let's make history together.
I thank you all for your continued service.
Now let's get back to work.
[indistinct chatter]
[Doug] I need a minute.
I think we should see what we can do about making Usher persona non grata.
I don't think that's wise to start a war.
We've just won the White House.
This is exactly when we should strike.
This is a moment that we have the political capital--
Usher needs to be managed carefully.
Mr. President?
Take a breath, Doug.
We've only just landed on our feet here.
Sir, Madam Vice President, this is the type of person that we used to crucify in the House.
Yes, but we're not in the House now.
We're here.
We have a full term ahead of us.
There's gonna be a great deal that we're gonna be able to accomplish, the three of us.
I appreciate that, sir.
But Mark Usher will become a problem.
Well, everyone becomes a problem, eventually.
-[door closes] -[Doug] LeAnn's out.
What?
[door closes]
Why?
She screwed up.
Well, is it something I need to get ready for?
The Underwoods want this handled indirectly.
So what exactly are we saying?
She's being pushed out.
Okay, but the campaign's over.
Is it necessary to say anything?
We need to distance this administration from her and her work. 
Her tactics.
So it needs to be a leak.
Reach out to the people who don't like us.
They'll be prime to go with it.
Okay, so when we respond...
-On the record or...
-On.
What did she do?
She showed some very poor judgment.
I'm trusting you to be discreet.
We won, Seth. 
Changes need to be made.
[Kate] You know I'm off politics.
Surprised you reached out to me.
[LeAnn] You're a highly-respected journalist.
Just here for the inauguration and the parties.
Hmm.
So I imagine you've heard that I'm on the outs.
They're not telling the whole story.
So what happened?
An acquaintance of mine stole classified documents from the NSA and took off to Russia.
They're blaming me for it.
What did this acquaintance take?
That's just the thing.
I have no idea.
If you could find him, talk to him, he would tell you that I had nothing to do with this.
[sighs]
Who is he? 
What's his name?
Aidan Macallan.
He'll talk to you.
He respects you.
Tell him that I'm okay.
That I'm going to be okay.
I'm a firm believer in boots on the ground.
Well, we're there for the oil.
Let's not pretend.
Oh, I'm not denying how crucial it is to protect the oil supply.
But it's in the world's best interest that we're the ones keeping an eye on it.
-On the world or the oil?
-Both.
Oh. 
Well, that explains your strong interest in Antarctica.
I do focus on things and people.
I tend to get attached, but I think it makes me better at what I do.
And what are you focused on now?
Petrov. 
Ahmed Al Ahmadi. 
To begin with.
[door opens]
Oh, I'm... 
I'm sorry.
I just...
Uh... 
I'll run this by you tomorrow.
Yes, tomorrow.
Sorry for the interruption.
[door closes]
He's one of our speechwriters.
Tom Yates has quite a reputation.
Well, if his books are any indication, he has lived quite a life.
My father wore striped socks.
Do you think the president will be sympathetic to our agenda?
"Our agenda"? 
That's very presumptuous.
Well, there are regions in the world that are important to our national security and they have to be protected.
Would you like to join us at the inaugural ball?
Oh, no, I can't.
Something terrible always happens when I go to a party.
Uh, by the way, my husband is not managed by anyone.
-That's not what I'm asking.
-Isn't it?
I'm asking for your help, Madam Vice President. 
That is all.
Evening.
Oh, my God. 
Come in.
I'm sorry. 
Sit down, sit down.
Aren't we working out tonight?
Oh, I just don't think I'm gonna have the time for it.
-[stammers] But come sit for a minute.
-If you're too busy, I understand--
No, no. 
Join me for a minute.
I want you to hear something.
"This is the dawn of a new era.
It's a time for peace.
A time to respect the past and embrace the future.
A time..."
Time to what?
"A time to hear all the voices.
For there is nothing more lonely... or terrifying... than feeling unheard."
-What do you think?
-It's interesting. 
I like it.
-This is for...
-My inauguration, yes.
Where does it go from there?
What do you say?
Uh, uh...
"America, I hear you.
Whether you voted for me or not, I hear all of you."
Now, what do you think my great-great-great-grandfather would think of all this?
-Awesome.
-[chuckling]
-In the original sense of the word.
-Yeah.
How long you in town for?
Leaving tonight, actually.
I thought you were here for the inauguration.
-I got a tip I have to move on.
-Mmm. 
What's the tip?
-Mmm-mmm.
-[chuckles]
We used to have a rule about shoptalk.
-Did we?
-Mmm-hmm.
Fair enough.
What's your read on LeAnn Harvey?
That she's hard to read.
That's what I like about her.
-You trust her?
-[chuckles]
Kate, come on.
[sighs]
You look tired.
I'm working eight days a week.
I mean, you always looked tired, but now you look tired in a... not sexy way.
[chuckles]
Sorry to disappoint.
I actually have to get back there in a minute.
Oh, it's little late to head back to the office, right?
I've been there since last Tuesday.
Honestly...
I know this sounds weird...
There's no place I'd rather be.
The way you say that sounds so... rote.
I don't know...
What am I supposed to say to that?
I just want to know how you're doing, that's all.
I'm just asking about you, this person I'm sitting with.
Where'd you go, Tom Yates?
-Hi.
-I was looking for you.
Not very hard, then.
I need to talk to you.
Okay.
I'm done.
With the speechwriting, I don't want to do it anymore.
I want to get back to some other stuff I was working on.
No offense. 
I mean, I know writing speeches is writing... but it's not what I really wanna do.
Okay.
You sure?
Yes.
We'll transition you out.
But you'll need to have a reason to be here.
Special advisor? 
Are you kidding me?
-There's speculation that he's already-- 
-It's not speculation, Seth.
People know that Mark Usher is working for us in some capacity.
-I mean, isn't that enough?
-Clean up this release.
Uh, reaching across party lines, that sort of thing.
-And get it ready, just in case.
-[Seth] Of course.
That's it.
I know you're not happy about this.
-What has he done to earn the title?
-This is not about him earning anything.
He's already getting classified memos.
Why does she want this?
"She"?
I'm sorry. 
The vice president.
What she wants is for this administration to succeed.
And what I want is for you to befriend him. 
Get to know him.
We want him to think he's managing us while we're busy managing him.
She has been pursuing Francis Underwood for a long time.
-I don't wanna talk to her.
-Aidan...
How does she even know I'm here?
Miss Baldwin is a very good journalist.
[chuckles] Yeah, going public will not help you, or me.
You'll tell her how you manipulated the American mood, hmm?
-How you helped steal an election.
-That would be it for me.
You're a valued guest of the Russian state.
I want my passport back.
An American passport is the last thing that will keep you safe.
I'll take my chances.
This will make you famous, hmm?
A whistle-blower.
I don't wanna be famous.
But you do want to be free.
[Doug scoffs]
You spent $15,000 at The Capital Grille?
What the fuck are you eating?
-This is Romero using the House Ethics-- 
-It's a liability.
And you should know better.
How did you not disclose this, Terry?
I want to pull him off his committee assignments.
Put him on Science.
See how he likes NASA briefings.
I'd like to hold off on that.
Romero's about to become an ally to the president.
And why's that?
Because he was able to find out about your tab.
It's because he's relentless.
Because in four years, 35% of the vote in Arizona will be Latino.
Because he's the future.
This is how it starts.
I gotta get back to the Hill.
You know, Doug... you and I, we've been around long enough to see the guard change.
And it changes because the people at the top forget how they got there.
Romero's trying to change the guard, Doug.
And we are the guard.
If Congressman Womack has nothing to hide, he has nothing to fear.
[Doug] We all have something to hide, Congressman Romero.
It's time for a change in the leadership.
The president would like to be a friend to you, but you're making it very difficult.
We can guarantee the immigration ban will be lifted in the next week.
Come on. 
Are we doing this again?
You offer me some racist gesture.
And I, what? 
I'm a friend forever?
Ban isn't even sustainable.
What matters to you?
-The president's attention.
-You have it.
-His full attention-- 
-You know, that's enough.
What is it that you really want?
I want Medicare coverage bumped up to where it was.
There are retirees in my district.
We're here now because you want a bump in Medicare?
Come on, Congressman.
And two seats to the inauguration.
-We are two days out.
-On the dais.
You are going about this entirely wrong.
You came here. 
You asked me.
I'm telling you.
I want to be there when Francis Underwood says to me that there will be an increase in Medicare.
He does that, I'm his friend.
Well, I think I speak for the president when I say that's not going to happen.
Mr. Stamper, I really appreciate all the work you do for him, but you and I know that my bloc is growing.
All I'm looking for is a line in his address.
Two seats and a line.
-The balls on him.
-[Doug] I told him it was highly doubtful.
-I can get back to him with a firm no.
-Or you could give him a line.
His promises are unreliable.
Look, I know Alex.
We met on Conway's campaign.
Once he's in, he's in.
Sir, we have to be very careful with what we're giving away.
He's capable of giving this administration an enormous amount of grief.
He's asking for a gesture.
Oh, I'd say it's a little more than that.
I completely agree. 
He's going after the people who got us here.
He's not wrong, is he?
There are some in leadership whose time has come and gone.
Look... 
I'm just here to make sure your four years turn into eight, but... it's up to you, of course.
But we're talking about two seats...
one line...
Give him what he wants.
[Mark] Alex.
Tilda. 
It's lovely to see you.
-How are you, Congressman?
-Oh, I'm fine.
It's good of you all to be here.
It's a big day.
Listen, why don't the two of you take my seats?
Oh, thanks, but we're already on the aisle.
I insist.
You'll be right in the president's line of vision when he... says what you want to hear.
Please. 
I can be anywhere.
Okay.
-Thank you, Mark.
-Sure.
[chief justice] I, Francis J. Underwood, do solemnly swear...
I, Francis J. Underwood, do solemnly swear...
That I will faithfully execute...
That I will faithfully execute...
The office of President of the United States.
The office of Pres-- Yes, here we go again.
Secretary of State. 
That's what I wanted.
That's all I wanted.
That's what I was promised.
And now, here I am, President of these United States.
You made this bed, America.
You voted for me.
Are you confused?
Are you afraid?
Because what you thought you wanted is now here.
And there you are, staring back, slack-jawed, bewildered, wondering if this is what you actually asked for.
This democracy, your democracy, elected me.
And if you think it was hard getting here, you're beginning to understand what I'm willing to do to stay.
I look across at this crowd gathered today and I know that these are not my supporters.
I'm looking at people who are waiting, with a smile on their face, for their turn.
And the most vicious among them are the ones who are smiling and clapping the hardest.
Power is a lot like real estate. 
Remember?
-[chief justice] So help me God.
-So help me God.
[crowd cheering]
America, I hear you.
I hear all your voices.
I hear your struggles, your concerns, but most of all, I hear your hope.
Opportunity and security is what we all want.
And in my first 100 days, I will reach across party lines and devote my administration, your government, to securing them.
For too long we have ignored our seniors and the healthcare they depend on.
That is why I am committed to fixing Medicare before I devote one more dime to the program.
AmWorks was only the beginning.
We have to learn to live without entitlements, because we are not an entitled people.
I believe in your sweat.
I believe in your hard work.
And a job, that's what I'll promise you today.
[crowd cheering and applauding]
[Mark on phone] You couldn't give him one line?
We give no quarter to those that are disloyal.
The message sent today wasn't just for him.
-Alex feeds off of retribution.
-So do I.
-Is he worth the fight?
-There is no neutrality.
I expect total loyalty or you are an enemy.
Understood, Mr. President.
[button clicks]
What are you thinking?
[clicks tongue]
♪ Let mortal tongues awake ♪
♪ Let all that breathe partake ♪
♪ Let rocks their silent break ♪ [chuckles]
I have a soft spot for that patriotic stuff.
Please spread your arms and legs.
Excuse me?
Otherwise, there is no interview.
And if you would please take off your jacket.
-I'm a journalist.
-I know.
I read you when I was living in London.
-So I'm not a spy.
-I know you're not a spy.
Does anyone even use that word anymore?
So the interview won't be happening here.
-Uh, we agreed-- 
-We need to move you to another location.
Oh, and I'm sorry, you cannot use your own crew.
-That's unacceptable.
-Then the interview will have to wait.
We cannot trust your people.
And you wouldn't want to endanger Mr. Macallan, would you?
Are you coming, Miss Baldwin?
And your cell phone needs to stay here.
-[man speaking Russian] 
-Thank you.
You have a lot of support out there, no matter what the president did or didn't say.
There are people eager to work with you.
I should tell you...
I'm encouraging the Republicans to restart the Declaration of War Committee, to investigate the president.
That's bold.
-I'm not trying to impress you with that.
-It's risky.
You don't want an enemy in the White House.
-But you're in the White House now.
-[chuckles]
And you're what to me?
Why don't you let me help you?
Everybody doesn't have to lose for you to win, right?
[Seth] Is Sean Jeffries there?
-Who's calling?
-Who's this?
I work for Tom Hammerschmidt.
I don't understand why I was transferred to you.
The receptionist is a friend of mine.
I know him. 
She knows him.
Well, I've been trying to reach him all day.
I can take a message.
-No, I'll try him later.
-Look, he doesn't work here anymore, so...
-I'm his girlfriend.
-That's all right.
-Who is this?
-Don't worry about it.
[line disconnects]
Hey, it's Seth Grayson.
I've got something for you.
LeAnn Harvey, she's being pushed out.
Yeah, she's out.
Yeah, well, you're the only one that's got me telling you at this point.
Okay. 
I'm writing the release right now.
All right, bye.
[sighs]
Hey, it's Seth Grayson.
Yeah, I got something for you.
Kate Baldwin's people were ready to go, but the FSB replaced the crew.
You have something on your tooth.
[LeAnn sighs]
Do we know where they were going?
No, but they're still being tracked.
Kate Baldwin was never supposed to talk to him.
-This interview cannot happen.
-We still have time.
No, we don't.
We need to go in.
And there might be some unforeseen consequences.
I don't think Aidan would reveal anything that would endanger me... or anyone else.
How far back do you and he go?
Far.
That's all.
I'm sorry it has to end this way.
I don't need your sympathy.
You almost ready?
God damn it. 
I can't find my "F." Someone must have stolen it.
I'm sure it will turn up somewhere.
Tom, you look very handsome in a tuxedo.
I act like a man that can wear a tuxedo and suddenly I'm a man who can wear a tuxedo.
-[chuckles] 
-This should do for now.
-I just saw that Eric Rawlings arrived.
-Yes.
Tom, we'll meet you downstairs in just a few minutes.
Sure.
Stamper tells me that we'll have a bead on Macallan's location in about an hour or so.
I just spoke to Jane Davis.
Her contacts are ready and waiting.
-We'll have distance, Francis.
-We'll owe her.
You look very beautiful. 
Presidential.
You look beautiful. 
Vice Presidential.
[Tom] Here we are.
The night of Zoe's death.
Who does that look like to you?
Just another white guy waiting for the train.
Look closer.
I know who you think it might be, but...
I'm really not sure.
[breathes deeply]
Yeah, shut that door.
Gerald Ford's son used to sneak up these stairs to go to the roof, play Led Zeppelin to his friends.
[Eric] Teenagers are teenagers, doesn't matter where.
And this... is where Viktor Petrov put out his cigar.
-That guy seems like a real piece of work.
-Oh, believe me, he is.
So are you.
No, I don't know about that.
-What are you doing?
-Oh, I'm sorry.
And what are you sorry about?
I thought you wanted something that you don't.
So what is it that you think I wanted?
[stammering] We can go back up. 
I'm...
I'm really s--
You know, they say the most vulnerable part of the human body... is the throat... and that you never really know how you feel about somebody... until they have their hands around your throat.
[softly] So tell me.
How do you feel now?
Congratulations, Mr. President.
[Eric moaning] [man speaking Russian]
Before I forget, LeAnn Harvey wanted me to say hello.
How is she?
Well, she wanted me to tell you that she's... she's all right.
She's gonna be all right.
[stammers] What does that mean?
She's, um, taking a leave of absence.
Well, that's what they're calling it, but it... it seems that she's being pushed out of the administration.
-Mmm-hmm.
-She's the one who told me you were here.
Suggested I talk to you.
LeAnn hired you, isn't that right?
Friend of the family?
[breathing heavily]
Uh...
Yeah, um, are we starting the interview now?
No, no. 
We're just talking.
But we should be ready soon.
[stammers] I'm sorry.
Can I, uh... 
Can I just have a second before we start?
-[Kate] I think so. 
Sure. 
Um...
-Okay.
Um... 
Yeah. 
I'm...
I'm gonna need some air.
No, I just... 
I just need a second, okay?
Of course. 
Get some air.
Okay.
[man 1 speaking Russian] [continues speaking Russian]
[laughter, indistinct chatter]
[man 2 speaking Russian] [continues speaking Russian]
[Aidan] Hey, hey, hey. 
I want your phone.
I need your phone. 
Take this.
One call.
One.
[cell phone vibrating]
Hello?
[Aidan] LeAnn, it's me.
My God, Aidan.
I know you're in trouble.
Here's the plan.
All right. 
Get a pen.
Write down this number.
He... he's a lawyer.
He can get you out of the country.
Once you're in Russia, I can protect you.
I'm sorry.
Why?
Oh.
[sighs] How long do I have before they come and get me?
They're right outside.
And if I run?
Uh, people will get hurt.
You don't want to do that.
I like Texas.
Maybe it's the sun or the dust, but people kind of squint when they say hello.
I always liked that.
I never should've left.
You've always been very good to me.
I liked your mother.
I liked her a lot.
I'm really sorry.
Don't be.
There's a guard on the second floor working with us.
He'll escort you to a corner where a cab will be waiting.
Someone will open the door. 
Just... get in.
So you don't miss Texas?
No, I do.
[Mr. Barnes over phone] I'm trying to find some peace with this and you're not helping.
-[Tom] Just a couple more questions.
-I'm moving, you know.
-I got a new job-- -[stammers] Mr. Barnes?
They ruled your daughter's death an accident.
I am starting to doubt that.
-Could we just go over one or two more-- 
-You know what?
I just can't keep doing this.
-Stop calling me, please.
-[phone beeps] [line disconnects] [speaking Russian]
[continues speaking Russian] [in English] The interview will not be happening.
Someone will escort you back to your hotel.
[speaks Russian] [jazz band playing]
Mr. President.
I hope I'm not too late to the party.
I'd say you were just in time to make your grand entrance.
Well, when all this started, I don't think I imagined myself
-standing here with you tonight.
-[chuckles]
-Congratulations, Mr. President. 
Again.
-Oh, thank you.
-[chuckles] 
-Um, should I wait for you?
No, no. 
I'll see you inside the party.
So... how's Romero?
Well, Romero wants to get the Republicans to restart the Declaration of War Committee.
What a lovely inauguration gift.
Don't tell me you're surprised.
I'm not.
I'll see you inside. 
Get a drink.
Well, don't you look stunning.
It's been a long night, Frank.
-I need to get home.
-Oh, come on. 
Do me the honor.
Not tonight.
[music continues playing in distance]
[sighs]
[woman chuckles] No, absolutely.
-Doug! 
Don't you look good.
-Thank you, Madam Vice President.
-Have you seen Francis?
-Not for a little while, no, ma'am.
Well, the party's breaking up.
I want him to say goodbye to people.
-Yes, ma'am. 
I'll let him know.
-Um, Doug?
I have a question for you.
Just a small thing.
-What is it?
-Why weren't you at the beheading?
-What?
-The night James Miller was beheaded.
We were all there, the four of us.
Francis, Tom, LeAnn and myself.
Why not you?
You see Francis, tell him I'm looking for him.
Yes, ma'am.
-I thought you got lost.
-No. 
I just needed a break.
-Shall we bid our guests farewell?
-No, the night is young.
Look what I found.
[sighs]
They're restarting the committee.
I thought we killed that committee.
[scoffs] Nothing ever really dies in the House.
It just plays in front of a smaller and smaller audience.
-This is serious.
-I know.
But let's enjoy the rest of the party.
-[band stops playing] -[guests applauding]
Hey.
What do you do here?
I work for them.
[speaking indistinctly]
The president asked me to make sure that you get home safely.
-I have a car for you.
-I thought I'd stay a little while longer.
The president has an early morning tomorrow. 
Right this way.
[breathes deeply]
[Frank] The tour guide?
-What?
-Yes.
WTF. 
What am I supposed to do about the tour guide?
The press briefing room, Tom, really?
[exhales deeply]
I didn't think anyone would care.
Well, should I... keep her on or let her go?
I mean, it was rather unprofessional on her part.
She's good at her job.
Tom... don't cheat on my wife.
[sighs]
[indistinct chatter]
Mr. Barnes?
Do you want to get a coffee somewhere away from this?
I keep thinking about what you said.
I found this with her things.
It was Father's Day... the last time I heard from her.
We weren't close.
I was surprised she called.
I mean, I was happy, of course, but...
Can I hold on to this?
I didn't know... that she was in trouble.
When the police asked if I thought she was suicidal, I said, "Maybe."
I didn't know her, really.
[Tom] Neither did I.
I'll look into this.
Okay.
Thank you.
Politico. 
Five minutes on Morning Joe.
-Was a press release really necessary?
-You're taking a leave.
The press release said that you were taking a leave to consider your career options.
This has to look real. 
You know that.
What if they need to meet with me?
Then they'll meet with you.
[scoffs]
I could have security escort you out.
[scoffs]
So since Usher is special advisor now, where does that leave you?
Like I said, they'll call you if they need you.
I can be a friend to you, you know.
-It doesn't have to be like this.
-I don't have any friends.
[Davis] I landed him at the Jordanian Embassy in Paris.
When do we plan to get him out?
Well, as I understand it, you don't yet know what Mr. Macallan may have told President Petrov.
[Frank] I want Macallan back here sooner rather than later.
It's better if these things don't happen on American soil.
-Yes, but I make those decisions.
-Of course, Mr. President.
And rest assured, neither of your fingerprints are anywhere near this.
-[door closes] -[sighs]
So what do we do about LeAnn?
She's been involved in election fraud, for Christ's sake.
She's made a lot of mistakes.
-Yes, but lots of people have.
-Yes, but some people run their course.
It's hard to know who to trust these days.
Isn't it?

It's like watching a mummy unwrap itself.
I mean, how long can this go on for, really?
Oh, she'll... she'll get there.
Oh, nope, nope, she's going
- in the wrong direction now.
- Come on, Myrtle.
Oh, this could take a while.
Ugh, can we, like, get some coat hooks or something?
Well, before we do that, can we fix this drip?
Or, like, at least get a new bucket?
Oh, I would love to fix that, but, no, corporate only gave us $15.00 for break room repairs, and we blew through that on the bat traps.
Speaking of corporate, this memo just came through:
"This time of year, many of us suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Look out for the following symptoms of depression..."
Pfft! 
Who would get depressed here?
- "Listlessness..." 
- Come on.
- "Irritability..." 
- You wish.
- "General discontent..." 
- No way.
- "Apathy..." 
- Give me a break.
"Above all, remember Cloud 9 cares.
This memo clears parent company of any liability for employee suicide."
Hmm, Cloud 9 really does care.
Well, they did send a letter.
[Upbeat Music] 
- Hey.
- Oh, hey, Dina, what's up?
So are you just planning to avoid me until one of us quits, or...?
No, no, no, no, it's just, you know, I've been busy.
You know, different shifts, whatevers and etceteras.
Look, Dina, the time we had together was special, but, as a child of divorce...
Oh, believe me.
I have absolutely no interest in pursuing this.
I mean, do you have any idea the kind of men I've had?
Sky diving instructors, hand models, two of the original members of Fine Young Cannibals.
- Come on.
- Okay, well, great.
So just a one time thing then.
Oh, yeah.
Just don't be weird, and things will be fine.
Okay, I won't be weird, lady who has multiple birds.
♪
- Sandra's up.
- All right, Sandra!
[Cheers And Applause]
- Am I doing this right?
- Yes, but pace yourself.
Okay. 
I can't believe you guys do this every year.
Well, corporate tells us to clean out Lost and Found every January, but they never tell us how.
We used to give it to charity, but then Goodwill told us not to leave our trash on their loading dock.
Hurry up, Sandra. 
It's not like you're gonna find a man in there.
Please, hold on, last year I ended up with a broken comb.
I just need one second.
Boo! 
Three, two, one.
- Ah!
- And Sandra's got
- an old pair of dentures, yes!
- [Applause]
A lot of good stuff in there this year.
Oh, hey, uh, Tate, you're basically a doctor, right?
Even better, I'm a pharmacist.
Doctor to the doctors.
Oh, close enough, anyway I...
Do I regret not going for the big M-D?
Not usually, sometimes.
Yeah, when I'm laying in my tanning bed alone with my thoughts... sometimes.
Hey, anyway, um, I wanted to ask you a question.
- Sure.
- Okay, I always thought depression was this thing that housewives invented so they could take extra naps, but you don't think that people around here could have it, do you?
Well, there are lots of employees here on antidepressants.
What? 
Who?
Glenn, you know I can't tell you that.
Well, how many?
[Clears Throat] About 20.
13 women, 7 men.
Now, I can't give you names, but it's mostly the uggos.
Doesn't really narrow it down.
You know, I do volunteer work at this children's ward, and there's a guy who dresses up as a clown and goes around cheering up the kids.
Maybe that would work?
They say laughter's the best medicine.
The best medicine is penicillin.
At least it used to be.
With all these superbugs now, we might all be dead in ten years, so I guess laughter's as good as anything.
Okay.
All right, ticktock, come on.
I think I saw a stuffed giraffe in here, and Harmonica loves giraffes, so, uh, ooh!
And it's a wig.
Ooh, I can't give this to her.
She'll think I'm slamming her for being bald.
Ooh, oh, it's a VHS copy of "Murder, She Wrote,"
seasons three, episodes seven through nine.
Oh, God. 
Cargo shorts?
A journal.
All right, what do we got here?
A lot of boobs.
There you go girl, oh, yeah! 
[Cheering]
- Ooh.
- Hey.
- Ooh.
- Oh, a purse.
- Oh, look at this.
- Ooh.
- [Toy Squeaking] 
- You could swap.
There's a squeaker in it, too.
How cute is that?
- Ooh.
- Why?
Ahh, there it is. 
My birds love these.
Okay. 
Wow, that actually looks really nice.
Someone left that here?
Ooh, this kind of works on me.
Yeah, it's great, if you wanna wear a man's jacket and look like a man.
Hey, everyone, look at that man wearing that man's jacket.
Get used to it 'cause you're gonna hear it a lot.
Hey, Mateo, would you like to swap this leather jacket for your cargo shorts?
What? 
No.
Are you sure? 
'Cause I don't care.
But, you know, if...
if you want, I mean, yeah.
If you're gonna be a little bitch about it.
Thank you so much.
Okay, who's next?
♪ I'm not leaving now, honey, not a chance ♪
["Kids In America" By Kim Wilde]
♪ Hot-shot, give me no problems ♪
♪ Much later...
Hey, Cheyenne.
How you doing?
Just a little down, you know, some days you get the giraffe, and other days you get the wig.
That's so true.
But hey, what is your favorite animal, hmm?
Ooh, a peacock.
A peacock.
Okay, that's... that's ambitious.
I know how to do a dog, so...
Okay, dog.
No, no, you said peacock.
One peacock, coming up.
- [Balloon Snaps] - [Screams] Ow!
My eye! 
Ow, ow, ow!
Oh, oh, no, no, I did
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Hey, Janet. 
What's your favorite animal?
A clownfish...
Okay.
Riding a bicycle.
Hey, Dina, uh, I can't work on Thursday, but Brett said he'd cover for me, so could you change the schedule?
Oh, boy, here we go.
Cue Garrett being weird.
What? 
No, I'm just...
I can't work on Thursday, so...
Do you even hear yourself right now?
Wow.
No, you were supposed to cancel dinner with your parents.
No, Adam, I can't keep doing everything for you.
No, I'm not yelling, I am whispering.
Okay, you know what? 
I can't talk about this right now, I'm at work. 
Good-bye.
Amy, I have an important question.
Might I borrow these this weekend?
I'm attending the opera.
Um, yes, all you need now is a T-shirt with Bugs Bunny dressed like a cholo, and you're ready to go.
[Laughs] Oh, you know what?
I think you left some stuff in your pockets.
Yeah, here we go.
Here is your old end of a joint.
Enjoy.
Yes, I've been looking for that.
Here's your halffilled tin of dip, didn't know you were a dipper.
Yeah, don't even talk to me before I dip.
Fliers for sexy escorts.
Gross.
This one says, "Carerra is gymnast."
So you might wanna keep her at the top of the pile.
An old receipt, and, uh, here is your... giant wad of cash.
Seriously?
Oh, yeah.
I'm the bad boy of my friend group.
- Silly string attack!
- No, what are you doing?
- What?
- This stuff stains.
I'm so sorry. 
I was just trying to brighten your day.
Here.
I forgot it was gonna do that.
Nine hundred and six dollars.
Somewhere in St. Louis, there's an overweight stoner who can't pay his escort.
What are you gonna do with it?
I don't know, I mean, I guess I'll pay some bills...
- Mm-hmm.
- And then my sister needs a new windshield, and my mom's crisper drawer
- in her fridge is broken, so...
- [Snores]
So sorry, I-I get that your mother's fridge is super exciting, but I meant what are you gonna do for you?
I don't need anything.
No, it's not about need.
This is not about need.
This is free money. 
This is your chance to get you something.
So I want you to close your eyes...
do it... and I'm gonna ask you a question, and I want you to say the first thing that pops into your mind.
Stop laughing.
Take this seriously, okay?
Okay, I'm sorry,
I just keep having this mental image of you doing that cliché where you get me to magically discover the one thing I never knew I wanted...
so dumb.
Okay, my mind's clear.
Well, now you ruined it, so you're never gonna know what you want.
Okay, look, if I were gonna splurge on myself, there is this really fancy spa that I drive by every day on my way to work, and I have imagined what it would be like to, like, go in there and be like, do it up.
Yes! 
You be selfish.
This is your moment.
Yeah, I'm going to.
Good, I'm glad I could help.
You didn't really do that much, but...
Anytime.
Okay.
[Ragtime Music Plays]
Huh? 
Come on, huh?
I guess it's starting to work.
Maybe if you go a little faster?
Yeah, I can go faster, sure.
Yeah, the fog's definitely lifting now.
Oh, good! 
Good, good.
- Whew! 
Sorry, 'cause...
- [Music Stops]
I need to take a little break.
Oh, yeah, fine, just stop.
Just make it all stop.
No, no, no, no, no, I-I'll keep going.
Here we go, okay.
Ahh, having a good time.
[Ragtime Music Continues]
Stop smiling at me.
I'm not smiling at you.
Oh, grow up.
♪
Come on, I'm going faster, see?
Fast as I can.
Hey, come here and check it out.
Salt scrub, essential oils, deep tissue rub-down.
For 900 bucks, they basically treat you like a brisket.
For 900 bucks minus the 80 or so I may have given to Cheyenne for diapers.
You suck at being selfish.
Look, $820.00 is plenty to have a nice day at the spa.
And every single penny of that money is going to this girl.
Amy found $900.00!
What should we all do with it?
[All Exclaiming]
In retrospect, perhaps I shouldn't have told her how much we found.
You should've just fixed your mom's crisper.
- [Overlapping Chatter] 
- I don't remember.
[High-Pitched Voice] Hey!
No monkey business at work.
[Normal Voice] Yeah, you have to tell me if you're smiling.
I'm not.
[High-Pitched Voice] Well, I bet I can cheer you up, or I'm a monkey's uncle.
Oh, well, I guess the thing that's really concerning me is my boss.
He's got a lot of problems.
What? 
That's bananas.
Yeah, uh, actually, none of his employees respect him, retail's dying, yet he works at a crap store, he tried to be a deacon at his church like five times, but they just don't want him.
Oh, and for the record, that whole banana thing?
That's actually a myth.
Yeah, most monkeys live and die without ever having seen a banana.
Their lives are short, violent, and horrifying.
Dina?
Are you there?
Well, I would return the money if I knew whose it was, but there was no ID.
Although we did find weed, dip, porn, and a receipt for an Arizona iced tea, so we know it's somebody with class.
Was the iced tea raspberry or regular?
Does it matter, Sandra?
No. 
Sorry.
So do we all just split the money?
Well...
Yo, I say we take this money to the track, double it, then double it again, double it again, then lose it.
Guys, guys, hold on just a second.
So Amy found the money, and Amy's always wanted to get a massage at this day spa.
So we're all just gonna go get massages?
- That's...
- He's got a point though.
We should treat ourselves to something nice.
No.
Well, since Amy grifted me, can we at least use some of the money to buy coat hooks?
Oh, and some lamps because these fluorescent lights got people looking like Tilda Swinton.
Ooh, and Amy, you can finally get your bucket.
But, guys, these are...
there are all great ideas, but, um, Amy found the money, so maybe Amy should be able to do with it as she pleases.
Right, and, um, what I wanna do with it is...
Fix up the break room.
[All Cheering]
Yo, this is gonna be dope.
We're gonna get all these lamps.
- What?
- I get a new bucket.
- A bucket?
- Yeah, a new one.
Hey, look, I just wanted to clarify about earlier when I was smiling, I wasn't.
I mean, I wasn't smiling at you.
See, I was pretending to smile because Glenn is, like, trying to make people happy, and, like, was doing, so I was...
Look, point is, I wasn't being weird.
Right, okay, so you accidentally smiled at me, then let your neuroses build up to the point that you had to track me down in the dressing rooms to explain it away...
like a normal person.
Oh, no, I just...
what... what I was doing...
Is this your first time?
Is that what this is about?
No...
Listen, it's nothing to be ashamed of, okay?
You're actually the third v-card I've taken.
And don't you go falling in love with me.
[Laughs]
What?
Ooh, a panini press!
We could have hot sandwiches.
Uh, okay, yeah. 
Put it in the cart.
What? 
I love hot sandwiches.
- Ask anybody.
- I just thought that the rest of the money was gonna go to this gal.
It is because what makes me happy is seeing other people be happy.
Oh, really? 
Great, because I would be so happy if I had a psychedelic lava lamp.
Then you should have it.
Great, that's... okay, thank you.
You know what? 
This is gonna look really nice with my brand-new framed photo of Ronald Regan.
That too.
Fantastic, do we sell above-ground pools?
[Upbeat Music]
♪
Uh, hey, don't get up.
Uh, are you the one I'm supposed to talk to about changing the water cooler in the pharmacy?
Nah, man.
Oh, I'd do it myself, but not waterproof.
It's heavy though, you wanna try it on?
Nah, I'm cool.
[Laughs] Don't be shy. 
My other one's better, of course.
Wouldn't wear it here.
Way too expensive.
What it do, Pikachu?
Ugh.
Well, that was weird.
No, it wasn't weird.
It was completely normal.
Everything... 
I'm chill, man.
Okay.
Hey, excuse me, uh, my son is taking dishes off the shelves and smashing them on the floor.
Can you, uh, stop him?
I don't want him to think of me as a bad guy.
Um, let me find someone to help you with that.
Where is everybody?
[Soothing Music]
♪
[Drill Whirring]
This is the best day of my life.
You just had a baby.
What ya doing there, buddy?
Hi.
Oh, you're... oh, okay, uh, here, hand me one.
I got ya, I got ya. 
Thanks... ooh!
[Grunting]
This is real heavy.
You going somewhere?
Oh, you're taking the stairs.
Uh, I'm gonna take the elevator.
Mommy, look!
I know, he's taking the elevator.
No, he's just bending his knees.
- Come on.
- Hey.
Anyone could tell that's what he was doing.
Cranky mime.
[Plates Shattering]
Ooh, that's nice.
Oh, hey, Tate, can I get a turn on that?
There's a sign-up sheet.
Oh, it looks like you've signed yourself up for the rest of the day.
Well, there's no rule against it.
I'm not gonna apologize for taking advantage of a loophole.
Makes me smart.
Tate, get your ass out of my chair.
What? 
It's all of our chair.
No, actually, I bought the chair with the money I found because I wanted everybody to be happy, including me.
So get out of my chair before I pull you out by your greasy, little hair plugs.
All right, all right, I'm getting up, you psycho.
Thank you.
And threatening a pharmacist, by the way?
That's a felony. 
Probably.
Oh, this is so nice.
I'm relaxing now.
I see that.
Guess what. 
I found the guy who lost the $900.
[Groans]
[All Grumbling]
Whoa, it looks great in here.
So I read the date of the receipt for the Arizona iced tea and remembered that I had sold it seven months ago.
Right, 'cause you have that awesome memory where you don't forget anything.
I have highly superior autobiographical memory,
- like Marilu Henner.
- Oh.
Anyway, I remembered selling the same man a pack of tube socks back on March 29th, so I searched the loyalty card database and there he was.
Stuart Mitchell.
Thank you so much for calling me.
I work with my church counseling at-risk youth, and this was the money I'd gotten together to organize a field trip to Peru.
I'm sorry, I just think it's a little suspicious that you have this perfect excuse planned out for why you needed the money, and it just so happens to make you look like a nice guy.
Yeah, if the shorts are really yours, what else was in the pockets?
Oh, um, I think that day I'd taken away a bit of a joint from one kid, and some dirty pictures from another one.
Nice.
Then why don't you explain the dip, huh? 
What about the dip?
I use dip.
That checks out.
[Sighs]
- It's a good try.
- Thank you.
Can I just say?
You guys have a really nice break room.
- We did.
- Sure did.
I know this is a weird time, but my birthday's on Friday, and it's gonna be at Dave and Buster's.
[Scattered Groans]
I'll just email you the details.
Hey.
Hey.
What's wrong?
Nothin', I'm cool. 
Just chillin'.
So weird.
You're the weird one!
You're so weird that nobody even can tell how weird you really are 'cause you make weird normal!
If there was a day that you acted normal, now that would be weird, right?
Right? 
Oh, oh, okay.
I'm the crazy one?
Maybe so. 
I am yelling in public, which is not something I normally do, completely out of character, possibly a little crazy!
Can I help you, Turtleneck?
You need some help?
Now, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my car listening to yacht rock and eating two Take 5s to calm myself down!
Whoo!
[Scanner Beeping]
[Bells Tinkling] [Playing Accordion]
You know, some days you get the giraffe, some days you get the wig.
I'm sorry?
It's an expression.
You haven't heard that?
Okay.
I mean, I did everything I could.
Just some people just don't want to be cheered up.
Maybe it's just the time of year.
Adam's sleeping in the basement.
Yeah.
I told him I wasn't happy.
I don't know what I expected him to say, but he said, "I'm not happy either,"
which is definitely not what I expected him to say.
And, so, we talked about it, and then we yelled about it, and then we just stopped talking.
And now it's all weird and tense and Emma's all upset and it's just... it's miserable.
- [Scanner Beeps] 
- Amy, I am so sorry.
[Bells Tinkling]
Do you want a balloon animal?
[Chuckles] No, thank you.
It is kind of nice to talk about it though.
Well, talk away.
[Pats Hand On Box]
[Laughs]
Okay.
- [Horn Honks] - [Laughs]
[Both Sigh]
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I don't even know where to start.

Legal highs - they're the drugs that have been causing havoc for nearly a decade.
- Police! 
Police!
- Police!
People thought because they were so-called legal highs as opposed to the dangerous substances that they were, that it was legitimate to take them.
Linked to 204 deaths in 2015...
It was only, like, a 10% chance of survival.
They thought she'd be brain damaged.
..they've devastated life after life.
I started dabbling in it and then I ended up hooked on it and then I lost everything.
Death comes to mind when I hear the word "legal high".
Britain has the largest legal-highs market of any country in Europe.
In May last year, the government passed a law banning them, hoping to stop a problem that was getting out of control.
Jack's been identified via CCTV and suspected of dealing and selling new psychoactive substances.
But is it working?
We spent six months in one of the UK's worst-hit areas to find out.
'I'm in Newcastle, where they've had a real problem 'with what used to be known as legal highs.
'The North East of England has the highest death rate from drugs 'in the country.'
Tell me what you know about legal highs.
From powders to pills to stuff you smoke, there are 640 varieties of legal highs globally.
They're officially known as novel psychoactive substances, and mimic the effects of traditional illegal drugs, such as cocaine and cannabis.
They can be stronger, a lot cheaper, and sometimes more dangerous.
So, this is Northumberland High Street, which is obviously our main shopping area.
What we began to get is complaints from shop owners and businesses, saying that they were being affected by the state that people were in, who were under the influence of lethal highs.
Early last year, the city experienced the worst problems with novel psychoactive substances - now known as NPS.
Individuals were seen being sick in the streets, haemorrhaging, actually having blood from their ears and nose, they were having seizures and fits.
To try to deal with the problems of people collapsing in the city centre, the police, council and ambulance service in Newcastle got together to form a taskforce.
At the height of the NPS use, there was large congregations, some of them really vulnerable young people, who would hang around this area into the late evenings, also dealing in NPS products in this area.
There used to be a lot of legal-high users that used to bother the old people, the children, myself.
What are your views on legal highs?
What, mine? 
Don't take them because they're bad for you.
They kill you.
And have you seen people under the influence of legal highs?
- Aye, I have.
- What have they been like?
They've been lying on the floor, or been lying on the benches.
You know what I mean?
- They just lie there and they don't talk or nowt to you.
- Mm-hm.
And you just think, "What's wrong with you?"
They'd come over to you with a really drowsy look on their face and you couldn't understand a word they were saying.
It's horrible!
Nationally, until May last year, you could buy legal highs across the counter in some shops and newsagents.
But before that, Newcastle was already closing these shops down.
I remember smoking it and...
I remember having three draws of it, and I remember waking up four hours later on my bed and then thinking, "Yeah, that's good.
"That makes me forget about all my problems."
Paul is 30 and is in and out of homelessness.
He's been addicted to legal highs for several years.
I was getting recognition and reward points for the top salesman.
I had a nice house, the most beautiful girlfriend ever.
I had a scooter.
I had everything I could have ever hoped for.
12 months later,
I've lost everything.
250... 300.
Is it like heroin, mate, where all your money goes on that?
30, 40, 50, 60, 70... 380 quid's worth.
Would all your money get spent on that?
Not all of it, but a high portion of it, yeah.
So there's not much difference between that and heroin addiction, really, is there?
Other than I would be more desperate for that
- than I would be for heroin.
- Yeah?
Yeah.
But the difference is, I wouldn't set about somebody for heroin.
I would set about them for that.
You're not a violent person, are you?
- You know that.
- Yeah.
- But when I'm going through withdrawal and I'm not myself, and my brain's not right because of the psychological effects of legal high...
You know.
This was where I used to stay when I was homeless, normally off to the side, over here, in bushes, in a little tent somewhere.
At 18, Chantelle became homeless and started taking legal highs.
They blocked everything out.
They just made you feel like you had four walls around you and forget about your surroundings, where you were, forget about everything that I was going through.
I ended up doing shopliftings and doing crime and that and stuff I'd never, ever even dreamt of doing before, and then that's when I realised I didn't want it no more.
But once hooked, it's a hard habit to break.
The Psychoactive Substances Act was introduced in May 2016.
It banned the manufacture, supply and sale of legal highs across the UK.
What the act did was got rid of the semi-legitimate sales of these items, both on the internet and on head shops, so they're no longer freely available in that way.
Armed with these new powers, Northumbria Police is targeting dealers selling what they've nicknamed "lethal highs"
on the streets of Newcastle.
Over the next two days, we're looking to arrest and disrupt those concerned in the supply of NPS under the Psychoactive Substances of Act 2016.
So this is the address here.
If you look, there's a side door, and that's where we're looking to hit.
And basically we're going to be looking for any evidence that relates to the sale of NPS, so any mobile phones, any laptops with any correspondence on, any packets of NPS, and so on.
OK, folks.
I don't need to remind you of the dangers of lethal highs.
You've seen yourselves the immediate effects on users, the effects on our city centre and the community we serve.
We're going with two vans this morning.
Obviously, we've got a warrant to enter the premises.
And it's all about getting to the premises quite early and securing the premises.
Police!
- Police!
- Police!
- We've a warrant to search these premises, OK?
- Police!
The police found the man they were looking for and took him to a cell at Forth Banks police station to be questioned later.
The next day, the police intercepted a parcel of legal highs at the house.
What we've got here are approximately 120 bags of lethal highs which were delivered, funnily enough, to the property this morning whilst officers were still there.
Street value of those is probably, I don't know, maybe £1,500, something like that. 
They pay approx £3, £4 a bag, and they sell them on for about £12 to £15, so about three times the money paid out.
A lot of them are imported from China, but these have come from within the UK.
Fingers crossed, we'll be able to locate the source of this and then, as I say, it just moves up the chain and keeps going until we can find the one at the top.
How do people get it? 
Who are they getting it from?
How much does it cost you now?
With the shops closed down, deals are now taking place on the streets.
You can clearly see him, he's got about six or seven lethal high sachets in his hand, and they're all just queuing up with their coins in their hand.
Sergeant Percival and his team are tracking a street dealer.
This is the guy we're going to do the warrant on?
It's him, yeah.
Clearly dealing, like?
- Clearly supplying.
- Yeah.
The suspect, Jack Lockhart, is seen dealing around the city centre.
The team heads out to try and arrest him.
On arrest, police found cash, legal highs and several mobile phones.
Mm-hm.
What, sorry?
Mr Lockhart is charged with six counts of supplying, and under the new Act could face up to seven years in prison.
His will be the first novel psychoactive substances case
Northumbria Police take to court, and one of the first such cases nationally.
Paul's visiting Mick, a drugs support worker at Lifeline, an organisation that aims to help people with drug addictions, and a partner in the taskforce.
Getting better, getting there. 
Day by day.
As the types of legal highs are always changing,
Paul gives Mick his empty packets, so he can keep up to date with the most popular ones.
And if I just show you the back of the packets, it says,
"Harmful if swallowed, causes serious eye irritation,
"skin irritation or respiratory irritation."
It actually warns you to call your poison clinic.
Death comes to mind when I hear the word "legal high", because pretty much all my friends have died through smoking legal high.
At the peak of legal high use in Newcastle, there were hundreds of calls to the ambulance service, as people collapsed in the city centre.
Since the Act, the numbers have fallen but some faces are very familiar.
It's only early evening and we're already aware of two patients around the department who are here with legal highs.
You just get a feel here for how regularly we see people.
So this is just the attendances in the last few months, and all, we know, related to legal highs.
This patient has been back to AE time and time again.
The paramedics tend to bring in the packet if they find it.
In effect, it doesn't help us a lot, because we still don't know what the chemicals are, but we can spot trends.
Currently, this one seems to be more sedative, in that we're not experiencing any problems, you know, he's quite settled, he's quite sedated, quite sleepy.
People who use synthetic cannabis like Spice are 30 times more likely to go to AE than cannabis users.
But in terms of deaths, heroin kills far more people.
Again, just a legal high.
Looks like someone who isn't known to us.
We're going to get a feel for what's going on, see how he is.
I think there's no great concerns, apart from the fact that he's slightly sleepy.
So plans. 
What are we going to do with him?
Give him a bit of fluid. 
Blood pressure is tiny bit on the low side
- and then just keep an eye on him.
- OK.
With NPS, it's almost a revolving door, that we see people, we attempt to impact, but we really get very little opportunity.
My personal experience is that, really, once they're recovering, they just want to be out the door.
When I go into AE, they do all the standard tests, but they just put me on a drip and they just know.
It's a case of, "We'll flush you out and send you out
"and see you tomorrow or next week
"when you come back in in an ambulance."
Over half a million young people aged 15 to 24 have experimented with these types of drugs at least once.
Deaths linked to legal highs have tripled in recent years, and it's mostly young people who are being affected.
'I've come to meet Sharon, who lives in Morecambe.
'The North West has the second-highest rate 'of drugs-related deaths in the country.'
What do you do for fun around here?
There's nothing really to do round here.
I don't know, it's quite deserted, and nothing really much to do.
'A year ago, at the age of 15,
'Sharon had a nightmare of an experience with legal highs.'
How would you describe yourself?
Well, now I'm a better person.
I'm more... 
Well, wiser and more grown-up.
I used to be a bit of an idiot.
I'd take drugs and think it were funny.
What type of drugs?
Cannabis the most.
I wouldn't want to do more than that, but legal highs came out and then everyone else started taking them.
She went to a party and that night was given a joint.
After I smoked a lot of it, I started to feel not like myself and it just sent me loopy.
It's like someone's squeezing you.
It's like a suffocating sensation, but you can breathe fine, but you're panicking because you don't know exactly what's going on in your body.
Sharon came home the following evening earlier than expected.
For her mum, Cheryl, it's something she'll never forget.
Told her to be in for ten o'clock, but she was in at half past eight.
Gone straight up to her bed, which isn't like Sharon, but I thought, "Oh, she must be knackered from the night before.
"I wonder what she's done."
I was running home.
I can't remember why I was running, but I can feel my face going like that...and my head started going into the pavement.
The pavement felt like it was that far away from my head and I was sinking, like that, and I was running and I am going down and down, like that.
I ran up the stairs, because I knew if my mum saw me like this,
I was going to get absolutely shouted at and get into trouble, so I ran upstairs and went to bed.
What did you feel like when you were lying in bed?
Literally, I could feel my heart slowing down.
I could feel it all through my body, my heartbeat's going, "Boomph, boomph, boomph, boomph."
I've gone and sat downstairs with my mum and dad and an almighty thud hit.
Luckily for me, she'd fallen out of bed.
If she had not fallen out of bed, she would be dead.
What did you think was happening at that point?
At first, I thought she were messing about, until I saw her face and I was screaming, "What have you taken?"
And she couldn't even slur two words together.
We laid her out on the floor while we waited for the doctors to arrive, and the ambulance, and she just stopped, she stopped moving, stopped breathing.
- What did you think was happening?
- I thought she was dead.
- Sorry.
- That's OK.
My little baby was sat there dying.
There was blood coming out of her mouth.
She just stopped.
Sharon was rushed to hospital with her mum, where doctors battled to save her life.
All I could hear was the machine where they restart your heart going, because her heart had stopped.
They got it going again and then it stopped again.
They fought for her that night.
And it...
No mum should have to see what I saw that night.
What did the doctors say when she got to the hospital?
It was only like a 10% chance of survival.
They thought she'd be brain-damaged.
They told me to get the family and prepare for the worst, because they didn't think she'd pull through.
Cheryl was eventually able to see her daughter just before she was taken up to intensive care.
I went round the corner to see her, hooked up to all these different things, and they informed me that this tube in her mouth was breathing for her, cos she couldn't breathe.
She wasn't there, it wasn't my baby.
Why are you so upset now, looking at this?
Because I can't believe, just looking at that...
I didn't see that side of the story.
And it's over something so stupid and so little.
Does it make you think about your family and how they had to deal with it?
I just feel really guilty, because...the one thing I smoked,
I caused so much harm to myself and to my family.
How long was she in a coma for?
Two days, three hours and 45 minutes.
Can you remember waking up in hospital?
Erm...
Kind of.
I remember having all these tubes coming out my mouth and things all over my arms, and all my family stood around me crying.
I was like, "What's going on here?"
What did you want to say to her here?
As bad as it is, I wanted to hit her.
I wanted to smack her for being so stupid.
And then your heart breaks, because that's your baby.
And I'd have to go home and tell her little brother that big sister wasn't coming home any more.
In Newcastle, people who work with addicts can often be confused about how best to help them, because of the sheer range of legal highs.
We've gone back to very simple messages saying, actually, as a workforce, you know the 90% of this, you know how to respond to drugs and their effects, so we need to do that in the same way.
You don't necessarily need to know the compounds, the chemistry make-up, you just need to understand what the substance is mimicking and then treat.
And give harm reduction advice accordingly.
For users of these drugs, it's not just the effect that's being mimicked, it's also the withdrawal.
The rattle...
Forget about heroin, forget about Trainspotting, it doesn't have a patch on it.
This was the most ruthless detox
I have ever been through in my life.
You're sick, your belly... twists up like a knot.
And you're like...
It goes in, so you're cramped over like that.
And you're retching, you're retching, but you can't eat.
If you want to be in a position where you've got...
..fluids coming out your nose, in your body you could think of.
It's like bile that you're bringing up, or phlegm.
And then you've constantly... 
You've got diarrhoea, constantly on the toilet.
Or the cold sweats.
And I mean, you drip, you can see the drips, sweat dripping off you.
It's horrible.
You sweat like a waterfall.
You get hot and cold flushes, you're fatigued.
It just goes on and on and on as if it's never going to end.
It takes a good few weeks to get off them, it doesn't take a couple of days. 
Like, people say...
Like, the first three days, yeah, fair enough.
But it's still hard after that. 
It is.
Because you're always going to know you can get it.
So, in your mind, you've got say, "No, I don't want that."
You've got to be focused on it. 
You've got to be a strong person.
It's September, and the police have some news about their NPS arrests.
In particular, the street dealer Jack Lockhart.
The updates we have so far is one male has been charged and is due in court.
In the case involving the raid we saw earlier, the police are still waiting for the results to come back from the Home Office lab.
The seized drugs were sent for testing, which has delayed the case.
Without being able to prove the drugs are psychoactive, they can't move forward.
That's taken some time, because this is quite new, so the government and the Home Office are currently going through the process of testing all the lethal highs that have been seized to say whether or not they're psychoactive as such.
Our thoughts are that they will be, but we have to have that confirmed prior to any sort of charge.
Determining whether something is psychoactive is a two-stage process.
First of all, the substance has to be identified through the normal forensic providers and then the second stage is for scientists to say it's psychoactive.
So, there is a delay, because they've then got to go through that second stage.
However, the Home Office scientists have been working through the most commonly available substances.
And if some new substance that's not been seen before in the UK materialises, then clearly that's got to go through the same process.
However, some legal and scientific experts doubt that it will be possible to prove a new substance is psychoactive with lab tests alone.
I have to make it clear I'm a lawyer not a scientist, but what I've been told by the scientific community - there is only one way to tell whether a drug compound is psychoactive in its effect or not,
and that's by way of human clinical trials.
One might be able to draw comparisons between the drug in question and like substances, but until the drug is actually consumed by an individual, it's actual effect will not be established.
So, if a defendant pleads not guilty, will a lab-based test of psychoactivity in a new drug stand up to scrutiny in court?
We asked the Home Office for an interview, but they refused.
Instead, they told us...
"The use of test-tube tests to show a substance is
"capable of producing a psychoactive effect is in line with advice
"from the government's independent experts,
"the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs."
Police Constable Joyce is off to court for Mr Lockhart's case.
It's going to be a real sense of achievement, really.
I think there's only been one or two other court cases in the country, so this is one of the first.
So, yeah, it'll be interesting to see what the outcome is.
The street dealer pleaded guilty to supplying NPS on five charges.
But he won't be going to prison.
The result from the court is that he's been given a 12-month community order, he's been ordered to do 40 hours of unpaid work, and he's also been sent on a rehabilitation course, as well.
So I am slightly disappointed with that result.
This is because me and my officers know the really lethal effects that NPS can have on individuals who take it and also on communities, as well.
So for Jack to receive this sentence is a particularly disappointing one for us, after the work that has gone into it.
Nationally, there have been nearly 500 arrests under the Psychoactive Substances Act, but only a handful of convictions - one of those being Mr Lockhart's.
For Newcastle alone, more than 16 cases are backlogged in the system.
And all because of this issue around proving whether a drug is actually psychoactive or not.
This is an Act with so many areas of ambiguity and uncertainty,
I've got no doubt it will throw up many issues, which will require clarification and examination by the courts.
I take the view that the Act was passed in too much of a rush and it would have been better had the government just slowed down a little bit, taken stock of the situation and drafted a rather more coherent piece of legislation.
12 months ago, Newcastle city centre was experiencing scenes like these.
This is Newcastle's main shopping street and, as you can see, things have gotten a lot better.
But, without a doubt, if you look hard enough, you'll still find users here and you'll see the same in other cities around the UK.
And you're most likely to find them amongst the country's marginalised and homeless communities.
Do you think it's got any harder for people to get it now?
How often do you do it?

Previously on Outsiders...
Was a white boy in here with you?
I have cancer.
There just hasn't been a good time to tell you.
You know...
I am Morgan, and we are the Kenna.
We were told that your man had passed.
You have no right to ransack it.
We will find somewhere else.
Better make it a home than let it fall to ruin.
We blocked access to the town.
Each man is going to survey a stretch of woods.
The roads we can't close, we post guards.
So no more Farrells coming down here disturbing the peace...
Shit!
I'm just lookin' for somebody.
I'm lookin' for my Fa.
Well, if he was dead, the coroner would've taken his body to the morgue.
I'm headed that way if you want a ride.
Give me two minutes.
You know you got a wild animal in your truck?
Drop that! 
Drop the knife right now!
Put your hands behind your head.
Tell us what you did with the gun.
What gun?
The one you used to kill Breece Dobbs.
I didn't kill nobody.
Bail is denied.
Found you in the middle of the road.
I've got big plans for you.
Stitch him up.
He asked for a circle.
Yeah, and he don't deserve one.
Not for you to say!
No, it's for me.
Get him up.
Get him cleaned up and get him to a bed.
He'll get his circle first light.
Take him to Li'l Foster's.
He's not to leave the house and be eyes on it.
Okay.
Take me to my own bed.
We are.
What's he want a circle for?
I reckon to stake his claim to bein' Bren'in.
She ain't gonna let that happen, not after everything he's done.
Look, we may be bound by law.
She only took the oath on account of he was dead.
G'Winn is my Bren'in.
If he tries to harm one hair on her head,
I'm gonna cut him down myself.
You sure this is a good idea?
He has the right to a circle.
What come out, come out.
What the hell?
They call themselves the Kenna.
Said they came up from shadowside a day ago.
Why'd they burn my things?
Here.
Hey, you do this?
Answer me. 
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Foster Farrell.
All apologies, sir.
We were told thou had perished.
So you take my house?
And you torch my belongings.
The burning' was meant as a purification, a blessing in your memory, sir.
Well, get outta here, and I don't care who you are.
I am Morgan.
And hear me say I am happy to see you alive.
Get yourself gone.
As you wish.
Okay. 
That's enough TV.
Upstairs now.
Wash up and homework, then bed.
You heard your dad. 
Now go.
I don't have any homework.
Hey, and, Hilda, I saw you kissin' that cat before.
I don't want you doin' that, okay?
He hasn't had his shots.
That cat pisses me off.
I think it's doin' the girls some good.
Gettin' their mind a little bit off... everything that's happened.
When you gonna tell them?
When the time is right.
Yeah? 
When's that gonna be?
- I don't know.
- I know this is hard, but you can't just walk around pretendin' like it's not happenin'.
You have to face it.
I know what's happening.
Yeah? 
What's that?
This cancer, it's a message... from God, and he's showin' me the path that I have to travel.
Well, what-what path is that?
That I have to be of use with what precious time that I've got left.
Well, I mean... regardless of whatever, you know, celestial message you're receiving', there's still practicalities to take care of.
There's treatment.
There's gonna be the childcare while you're...
And that's gonna be expensive.
Yeah, I know it is.
I'll take care of it.
Hmmpf.
I will take care of it.
They ain't gonna move.
Stubborn one?
Well, boy, you'll learn.
Hey, you're gonna hurt yourself.
Medical ain't no better.
What's wrong with you?
I killed my mother.
I killed Lady Ray.
I took the oak in a manner impure.
And the punishment for this, for all that I've done, be banishment.
You are the rightful Bren'in.
My fate is in your hands and the elders.
So whatever comes... give mercy or no...
I will accept.
The proper punishment is accepted.
If the Bren'in agrees, you, Foster Farrell VI, are banished.
Yeah!
Bren'in, what say you?
The Bren'in will think on it and render a decision at a later time.
Well, wait a minute. 
Wait!
After all he's done...
not just to Lady Ray, but to me, to you, to all of us...
That is my word!
The circle is complete.
Thank you all.
All right, take your time, take your time.
There you go.
Hey!
- Hasil.
- No, don't speak.
You know, one of the happiest days of my life was the day that I heard you were shot dead.
The only thing that made me sad was that I didn't get to bury you.
Well, maybe you'll get your wish... soon enough.
No, you see, that's not our way.
It's what I deserve.
Maybe Asa'll come around and finish the job.
Asa?
Asa's dead, Foster.
And yet, here you stand.
Funny how things turned out.
You know, the only thing that gives me hope in this life is that I'm never gonna have to see you again.
He's right.
Asa's gone.
That boy got himself mauled up bad by somethin'.
Hasil, Barnabas, they found him in pieces.
Where?
I truly... truly wanted to say my sorries for what I done to you.
He tried to kill you, Foster.
Let that lossie rot.
You be careful what you say about my boy.
Bren'in.
- Kenna.
- I wish to apologize.
For what?
For any trouble I might have caused by taking that house.
I told you to take it.
Speak your mind.
It's not another mouth you need, I reckon, but an ear.
He surprised me.
I mean, bein' alive, and also admitting to what he'd done.
I wasn't prepared for that.
- So, it's true?
- Yes, it's true.
He killed his mother.
Did other things besides.
He's the one that hurt you.
He hurt us all.
And by his confession,
- you think he's changed.
- No.
The trouble is, there are some who are sympathetic to him.
And by confessing', he makes me look like the monster if I punish him.
There are also those sympathetic to you, stinging still from the damage he done, I imagine.
They won't want you to go softer, I'm certain.
And bein' a woman leading' men, I'm afraid that you will.
Well, you never saw our Lady Ray.
So, you say banishment?
Banishment, man can come back from.
There's only thing sure as sure can be...
Farrells don't kill Farrells.
Then I don't envy ye, Bren'in.
The needle, you have to thread it.
Still can't believe you crashed it.
Big metal doohies came up out of nowheres.
Anyways, we got bigger problems now.
Yeah? 
Like what?
Big Foster.
Think G'Winn's gonna let him stay?
Don't know.
Well, we can do your intake today if you'd like.
- Today?
- If you can get here.
We're a few hours from Blackburg.
Yeah. 
No, I can.
Um, just put me down. 
I'll be there.
Okay. 
We'll see you at 3.
Thank you.
Bye.
Hey, um, Yolanda's mother's car is in the shop, and, she's been takin' the bus.
So can I use yours?
Just to get to work?
Yeah.
It ain't but 15 minutes from the Mini Mart.
I expect you walkin' back through that door at 5:15.
Yeah, okay.
Hey...
I just worry about you, that's all.
You earn trust and you get trust.
I know I'm required to.
It's on its way.
What else do you want me to...
Of course, I want to. 
He's my son also.
I get there as often as I can, Stewart.
I'm here doing a job.
It's a good thing one of us has one.
Otherwise there'd be nothing for him at all!
Good-bye.
Wade, come on in.
What can I do for you?
Well, I have a... a problem.
I was just hopin' to clarify something' with you.
Okay. 
You know what, I think we should each just feel free to go ahead and remain in the roles that Mr. Meyers has laid out for us.
No. 
I mean, I ain't thrilled about that, but, I was...
I was lookin' at how you provide healthcare for employees and spouses.
It seems that generally that's the case, but, Breece Dobbs, seems he wasn't covered.
I don't understand.
Ledda's... she's sick.
It's my sister, and she was Breece's wife.
God! 
Of course.
Here, come sit down.
Is it serious?
Um, yeah, it's pancreatic cancer.
Wade, I'm so sorry.
How sorry?
I don't control who gets healthcare.
That kicks in after a certain number of months, and Breece wasn't here long enough.
They got two kids.
Really?
Are-are you serious?
Are you just goin' back to work?
Hello? 
I mean, what are you doin'?
You just gonna ignore me?
Well, would you look at that.
Looks like I was wrong about when Breece started here.
Looks like he is eligible for insurance after all.
What are you talkin' about?
I have to point out this little clerical error to the benefits department back in Roanoke, but then your sister should be covered in a couple of days.
I think the phrase you're searching for is "thank you."
Yeah. 
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
Earl!
Earl!
Don't act like you can't hear me, Earl.
I see ya there.
What is it, Virgil?
I told him he was gonna give before the bars did.
Shit!
Hey, Ron, got one for the infirmary here.
Take him to the infirmary.
I don't think I can handle this one on my own.
He's a little big.
Rule 12.
He's not even supposed to be in the prison.
Ain't convicted yet.
Why ain't he in the county jail?
Overcrowdin'.
Hey! 
Code red! 
Code red!
If you're headed where I think you're headed, we're goin' in there with you.
No offense, you're both strong of heart.
But I'm gonna need strong in other ways.
What?
She doin' with her medicine?
Where's Li'l Foster?
He ain't come to see me yet.
I sent him to find your body.
We didn't know it was somehow still up walkin' around.
Well, lostie took his best shot.
My boys, they say that he run off and then got hisself dead.
That true?
- It's true.
- You sure?
'Cause he was dead the first time when he shot me.
I'm sure.
Show me.
Stitches worse than the wound.
You do that yourself?
No. 
They were done to me.
In a house of horrors, the likes of which I hope you never see.
You come to heal me?
I don't want it on my head you dyin' alone in the woods.
Hey, leave us.
Go.
I forgive you for what you done.
You forgive me?
Did what you had to.
What you thought was right for the clan.
And that's how I know that you are the rightful Bren'in.
One way, leastways, 'cause my boys also told me how you faced them lawmen down, your way.
Better than my way woulda been.
See, bein' Bren'in, the power of it, and the-the desire for it, changes ya.
Changed me.
Changed me for the worse.
Seems like it's changed you for the better.
Well, somethin's changed in me for the better, too.
That funny?
You weren't gone but a week.
That's not even enough time for a caterpillar to make a cocoon, let alone come back out a butterfly.
This change was growin' in me.
Long before I went away.
Can we talk? 
In private?
Stay just outside.
I love you, G'Winveer.
I long have.
And I know that I ain't worthy of you yet, I know that.
But I hope that by admitting' what I done and takin' what comes, I can begin to be.
You'd say anythin' to get what you want.
That's what I know.
Then I won't show you by what I say.
I will show you by what I do.
Get it on tight.
Gather every gun we got.
Bring 'em all to me.
How far does it go?
Well, that way, it goes clear to Crow Rock.
That way, don't know.
Came to find you.
It could be a problem next time we need to go on a run.
Won't be doin' no more runs.
We're relying' too much on down there.
We need to get back to the old ways.
You know, it could cut us off from our own lands, too.
Good fishin' down at the falls, deer in the old woods.
Okay. 
Walk the edge.
See how far it goes.
But, Hasil, don't be startin' any trouble.
Stay on our side for now.
The law of the mountain says all this is ours.
We're straying' from that completely.
You got somethin' to say, cousin, say it plain.
That man, he almost killed us all, and now you think about lettin' him back in.
If you think I'm the only one that's got a problem with that, Bren'in, then you foolin' yourself.
I hear you.
I'm just threading' the needle is all.
I need you to trust me.
Find out all you can about this here fence.
What happens if it goes all the way around?
We ain't trapped up here.
They trapped down there.
Like I said, without an oncologist exam, all I can give you is the ballpark figure.
Yeah, that's fine.
And she does have insurance.
Yeah. 
We don't have all the paperwork, but, yeah, she does.
That's good of you, to take some of the pressure off her.
Yeah, well, family.
You'd be surprised.
Okay.
So it looks like, with everything, she'd be looking at about $135,000 all in.
Okay. 
And, and the co-pay?
I mean, minus the insurance.
No, no, no. 
I know...
Just $135,000 is the co-pay.
What the... how's anybody supposed to pay that?
- I mean, that's a death sentence.
- Sheriff!
How's it feel to work for a system like that?
Work for a system that kills people?
Might not be pullin' the trigger yourself, you might as well be.
Sorry.
You're just doin' your job.
Emelye, I come to you...
You said you're sorry in the circle, Foster.
Bren'in is strong.
She will make her decision on her own.
She's gonna banish me.
It's her only choice.
What is it you want then?
My mother.
She used to tell me stories, dark tales to scare me.
And?
Stories about this... this mountain... and that the-the natives here, the Cherokee, they called it Blood.
The ga-ha-gedane.
Blood Mountain, they named it, yes.
Well, these scary tales she told, they were of a clan, a cult of thieves, evildoers, of witches.
She said they were called the Kenna.
Yes, I heard those stories as a girl myself.
Fairy tales, I believe they are called, Foster.
And so, these Kenna, you don't fear them?
Would you if they were men?
You fear all women, don't you?
No, I fear... for our clan, is all.
Now I felt that I should speak my mind to you.
'Cause in the past, I disrespected you and the elders, and if I am allowed to stay, that will change.
So, Sally-Ann, you are here because you're thinking about terminating your pregnancy?
I-I don't know. 
Maybe.
I mean, I just... 
I just wanted to know it works, I guess.
All right. 
Do you know about how far along you are?
Less than two months.
Okay. 
Well, we'll do a physical, and if you're in your first trimester, a chemical abortion is an option, and that's a pill.
Now state law requires that I give you some information, and it's about alternatives like adoption.
No, no, no. 
Nobody can help.
You know what, I get it. 
I understand, although state law requires that I have to give this to you, and then we have a 24-hour waiting period before we can proceed.
- I can't come back tomorrow.
- That's all right.
Just come back when you can, and in the meanwhile, let's go do a physical and take another pregnancy test, just to be sure.
How much is the pill?
It's $800.
Is there another way?
There is, Sally-Ann, but that's $2,000 or $3,000 and we wouldn't be able to get you in for another couple months.
We're the only clinic for 200 miles.
Everyone else has been shut down.
Is there another place that I can go?
Can you get yourself to St. Louis or Ohio?
You might be able to find more affordable options.
I can't!
I-I ain't been too good with the upkeep of the place, but, it's a good house and, um, it gets, um, pretty good light, some mornings.
I can, throw the furniture in if you think that'll help.
No, I think unfurnished is the way to go here.
I mean, if you're looking to drive up the price, you could repaint or re-do the kitchen, the bathroom, the other rooms.
Really? 
'Cause I mean, you know,
Auntie Ray picked out a lot of this stuff.
I mean, the cabinets and the tile.
I mean, she had a pretty good eye.
But, you know, you're the expert.
Whatever you think will help.
You know what, it's probably fine.
That would just be puttin' money out in the hopes of gettin' more back, and, well...
What do you think I'm gonna get for it?
$15,000, maybe $18,000.
Ordinarily I wouldn't even do this.
No commission.
I'm here as a personal favor to you, Sheriff.
Well, thank you. 
Whatever we can get.
All right.
All right. 
Is that all?
We got one more load.
- All right. 
Well, go.
- Come on.
Sorry.
Still alive.
The house is yours, once and future.
I come on other matters.
Speak.
Me and mine got here not days ago.
We're new to your clan.
Sometimes it's the freshest eye that can see the most clear.
Hmmpf. 
What do you see?
That G'Winn. 
She's a young one.
In years, maybe. 
Old in spirit.
I've seen the looks on some faces when she speaks, and on those same faces when you come back.
There are some don't think she's up to leading'.
Think you are.
Well, G'Winn is stronger than she looks.
You can take my word on that.
Strong as you?
Who are you?
Just one who's joined my people to yours and worries for the fate of both in the tryin' times to come.
So, you're plannin' on bein' here a while then.
We have no other place to go.
Well, you are meddling' awfully high, awfully soon, for someone with no place else to go.
You're right.
You and yours, you got here not days ago.
You're new to our clan, but sometimes the freshest eyes, they don't see shit.
You love her, and that love is at war with another feelin'.
Which is the stronger?
I wonder.
That's good right there.
- Millie.
- How's it goin', Sheriff?
Same shit, different day.
Just, um... just these.
What do I owe you for that?
$32.65.
$32... $32.65?
It's just a little bottle, not even the real one.
No, that's your total, for the ibuprofen and your prescription.
What's the prescription?
Your OxyContin.
The hospital called it in.
Yeah.
I've been waitin' for you to come in.
Assume that's what you're after.
No.
- Okay, then. 
I'll...
- But...
Yeah. 
I'll... 
Yeah, I'll take it.
- You sure?
- Yeah. $32.65?
Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Sit tight, Farrell.
We're gonna have plenty of time to break you.
Come on guys, let's get them Farrells.
Stay back. 
I don't wanna shoot ya!
Get on!
Are you sure you wanna do this?
It's the only way.
Let's go.
He said all the right things.
Aloud.
What insight?
Darkness... 
like I thought.
Could be he's tryin' to change for true.
Or it could be he's waitin' 'til he's not so frail to show his colors.
- Bren'in.
- Foster.
Leave me.
It's gonna be steep even with the insurance.
I'm gonna sell the house.
If I do a bit of work on it, it'll drive up the value, and, you know, we can pay the whole thing off in installments, cut a few expenses, and, I'm more than willin' to take on a night job.
Maybe I can do somethin' in security.
Wade, listen.
- I'm not gettin' treatment.
- What?
I appreciate all that you are tryin' to do.
I don't care if you appreciate it or not.
You're gettin' treatment.
No. 
I'm not puttin' myself through it.
Or my kids.
It's months of pain and humiliation just so I can die anyway and leave you all in the poorhouse.
Do you have any idea what the alternative is?
Do you even know what you're sayin'?
Sh-h-h-h!
- Do you realize?
- Sh-h-h-h! 
Sh-h-h-h!
God has a plan for me.
I've seen it, and he's already showing' me that I'm doin' the right thing.
What about your kids?
He's got a plan for them, too.
And for you.
What's goin' on? 
Where you been?
This one took a tumble during patrol the other day.
Just went to get it back.
That's all.
And they won't come?
Look like they put up a fight.
It was in the wrong hands.
Hasil, I asked you not to start any more trouble.
I told you you needed to stay on this side of the fence.
What, more than we need these wheels?
Fightin' is what's gonna bring them back up here.
Yeah, and I didn't know
I was gonna have to fight when I went for it.
The fight came to me.
All right. 
Look, you give me responsibilities, and I'll take this serious.
I'm just tryin' to help.
Now you asked me to trust you, and I do.
So, trust me.
Dad?
- Yeah, I'm in here.
- Dad?
Yeah, Caleb, I'm in here.
Are you okay?
Yeah. 
Yeah, I'm okay. 
What's the matter?
Nothin'.
I was just worried you were sick.
No, I'm not sick.
I'll be out in a minute.
Okay.
Hey, I'm sorry. 
I was at work, and Mitch said that we had to do inventory, and it was like 5:05 and by the time I...
What's this?
Goddamn pregnancy test.
Get out of the car.
I was tryin' to deal with it, okay?
I thought I told you to stop seeing' him.
I didn't go see him.
I said I was tryin'...
Stop lyin' to me! 
You've been lyin' the whole goddamn time!
- Would you just listen to me.
- Get outta the car.
Come on! 
Hey!
Hey, don't you drive this car!
Don't drive my car! 
I'm driving, okay?
Hey, don't you... 
Don't you...
You don't come back then!
You leave like this, and you don't come back!
Li'l Foster back yet?
Not yet.
It's not like him to lose a trail.
If he's not back soonest, we'll look.
But I'm here about you. 
You're right.
Banishment's the proper sentence for what you've done, only the mountain already banished you, put you through some kind of hell down there from what you said, and then brought you back.
You know, Lady Ray used to say when you're most sure what the mountain wants, it makes you fools.
Where'd you get that?
It come to me.
When they came up here, we scared 'em off, but that won't be the last of it.
Now they're buildin' a fence, and I don't know for why.
Somethin's comin', Foster, and I don't trust you.
I don't, but a Bren'in needs certain tools, and I may need you for what's comin'.
It would be my honor to serve.
Heal up.

- Good.
Good.
- Honestly buck it's a little embarrassing.
I mean we called the number.
They said if there was ever a problem we should call the number, and well we called it.
- And?
- A series of clicks and buzzers.
- A series of-  clicks and buzzers.
That's what we got, which-  couldn't even leave a message.
- No message possible.
So we thought-  we thought get buck back in here, after all he vouched for him.
- Well now, let's be, let's call a spade a spade.
I don't know him, don't vouch for him.
I was just a conduit for information.
Like you said "buck we tried all the normal channels,
"and we just need a bridge loan to--"
It was last year for Pete's sake.
I met him at the shriner's.
- Sure, okay then.
Everything went great when we met with the broker, mr ehrmantraut, if I'm not a  right, Rick ehrmantraut.
I got his card in my-  and now we're in the black again, so we called the number to arrange payback and clicks and buzzers.
- Maybe there's another number, we're thinking.
- Another number where we can at least leave a darn message.
It's a lot of money.
- And it's just sitting there on the books which-  can't have that.
Well, that's easy.
( phone chiming )
Well, gotta take this call.
Hello?
Yeah, this is Paul-Louis.
Hey, Paul-Louis.
This is Hannah.
We met a few months ago.
I was writing the article about the surf camp.
I threw up in your bed.
You said I had, like, a lot of pubic hair.
Oh, Hannah!
( chuckles )
Hey, what's up, girl?
Hey, yeah, I just wanna preface this by saying this is a real no-pressure sitch.
You know, I'm just kind of doing my moral and ethical duty to keep you informed and let you know that I'm pregnant.
From when we had sex.
So, from the sex we had, I got pregnant and I'm gonna be having that child.
Whoa.
Uh, whoa.
Okay, what do you need?
Uh, need?
I don't need anything.
No, I know you're at the beginning of, like, a very exciting and illustrious water skiing career, and I'm not interested in creating any problems for you.
Wow.
Wow, ooh, are you serious?
( chuckles )
( exhales )
That's really kind of you.
That's so cool.
Uh, because I'm not really ready to... to have a kid.
And I feel like a POS telling you to get an abortion or whatever.
I mean, that's not my place.
( stammering ) That's... that's not fair.
I'm not, um...
Um, well, thanks for telling me, I guess.
Yeah, everyone said it was, like, so important.
Now I feel like maybe it was a mistake.
Oh, no. 
No.
Hey, you know what?
I don't even believe in mistakes.
I really don't.
Uh...
Okay.
No, cool.
Well, uh... well, good luck.
Absolutely. 
I'll definitely keep you in the loop if anything major goes on.
Or I don't have to.
It'll only be if that was something you wanted.
Cool. 
Cool.
Um, hey, you know a name I always thought was cool for a boy was Grover.
Uh, okay. 
So, all right, I'll go now.
Unless you want to talk more.
I mean, I don't want to be a dick about it if you wanted...
No, no. 
I got out everything I needed to say.
Thank you.
Well, be good, Hannah.
Dill: 
Sounds like he didn't have much to say.
Sounds like he dismissed you... the way I dismissed Elijah.
No, it went perfectly.
He doesn't want a kid, so he's not gonna bother me, so that's what I wanted.
I wanted it to be easy and it was easy, so I guess it's just a little sad...
- Shh.
- How easy it was.
Shh.
It's okay.
I guess I just thought I could be this, like, brave, cool, young mom with, like, tattoos and, like, a whole, like, you know, cool approach to things,
- and now I'm just feeling...
- ( sobbing )
What are you crying about?
It's just...
It's just...
It's just the same shit.
You know, sweetie?
It's... we're just...
We're just children.
We're just... we're just naked children.
( crying )
( both sobbing )
Reviewing that part one last time.
It's window, front, one, and, look, two, up, three, and four, five, double pirouette,
- then jump.
- ( mouthing ) Jump.
Great! 
Music.
( music playing )
- Woman: 
And five, six, seven, eight!
- ( whistle trills )
( both laughing )
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ Come on, yeah, babe. ♪ - ( whistle trills )
( squeals ) So good!
Nice!
Really great stuff, guys.
Let's bring the basketballs in.
( music resumes )
( whistle trills )
Oh, sorry, sorry!
Oh, G...!
Man:
Yeah.
- Men: 
Yeah! 
Whoo!
- Why?
!
- Oh!
- Sorry!
Yeah, still counts.
Whoo!
- ( chuckles ) 
- Hold your nose up.
- ♪ Yeah, babe. ♪ - ( music ends )
( sighs ) 
- Ugh, man, you stunk up the joint.
I know.
The last time I touched a basketball was the sixth grade where, then, I literally only touched it.
Then why the fuck you try out for a basketball musical?
Because I thought the whole point was white guys aren't good at basketball.
Hey, what you doing now?
You wanna go to Starbucks?
I get 30% off all snacks that aren't seasonal.
- Do you work at Starbucks?
- No.
( chuckles )
I wish I was younger so we could hang out and it's not weird, but it feels weird.
( chuckles )
I'm sorry.
Plus, I have to go back to my apartment and make sure my ex-boyfriend didn't kill himself, so.
He's still at your house?
Yes, but only because he's hiding from the "Daily Mail" or whatnot.
Bullshit.
Dudes can go anywhere.
There's nothing but places to hide in this city.
He loves you.
Rawr!
- No, no, no.
- Yeah.
I'll see you at another audition, huh?
Or maybe at rehearsal.
- ( scoffs ) Yeah, okay.
- Hey!
I might get cast in this show.
I nailed the first two parts of that audition.
And then how hard can it be to...
To spin a fucking basketball on your finger, right?
I can learn that.
I could learn a new skill.
Reese Witherspoon learned how to sing for "Walk the Line,"
and she won a goddamn Oscar.
I can do this.
Because you know why, Athena Dante?
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
I'm really, really fucking talented.
I'm as talented as you say you are.
That's how talented I am.
Exactly.
That's how you gotta be, man.
It's never too late.
Fuck you.
I'm not that old.
Too old to be going to open calls.
You little bitch.
- ( TV playing ) - ( both laughing )
You don't think it's gonna be so good, the baby's talking,
- but it's just like...
- Mm, Kirstie...
Honey, how'd it go?
Dill got us eight pizzas. 
The pepperoni's in the bathroom.
Why are you still here?
I'm here 'cause I have something to say to you.
( sighs ) There's nothing like a public shaming to make you realize what's really important.
I cast you aside when all you wanted to do was love me.
It's funny, I thought I came here to hide out, but I think for the first time in my life
I'm ready to stop hiding.
- Elijah...
- Oh, okay.
All right, um...
( chuckles )
Dill, just save it for somebody who cares about current events.
Okay?
You came here to fuck with me.
That's why you came here, to fuck with me the same way that you fuck with everybody.
But guess what. 
You can't fuck with me anymore, okay?
I'm "unfuckable" now.
So, yes, you might've thrown me a little bit when you showed up, but not anymore.
'Cause I...
I took my ball, and I marched down that court, and I fucking dunked it.
Those are sports terms and I'm using them because I am my own teammate now.
Me.
Bam.
So... good luck with your white baby.
( TV continues playing )
Elijah: 
Dill, could you please bring a pizza in here?
Hey, Desi.
It's Marnie.
Um, I just wanted to let you know that I'm assuming responsibility for my own life.
And don't worry about sending me any money for rent because I will be moving in with my mom.
Um.
You don't owe me anything and I'm really sorry that I thought you did.
Okay, um, I genuinely hope you're doing well.
Bye.
( phone buzzing )
( scoffs ) Fuck you, Mom.
This is Elijah Krantz.
Elijah, hi.
- Um, it's Tony and Patty...
- Patty and Tony!
From the soon-to-be hit musical "White Men Can't Jump!"
- Yeah.
- So, I'm just gonna cut right to the chase.
You cannot dance for shit.
- We don't give a fuck.
- Patty: 
No, I don't care.
I don't care. 
You have an element, this essence, and we really would like for you to come in and read for our producers.
- Just read the scene.
- Tony: 
Read the scene. 
No balls.
Patty: 
Mm, and the way you sang?
Beautiful.
Just tell them you forgot your ball.
Tony: 
Absolutely no balls.
We'll see you soon.
Woman: 
All righty, so Dr. Kruskal will see you in a few minutes.
Thank you.
♪ I've got a million-dollar secret ♪
♪ Can't tell you what it is ♪
♪ I'm keeping it to myself ♪
♪ Won't give it away ♪
♪ I've got a million-dollar secret ♪
♪ Hope I have the courage to keep it in ♪
♪ Won't give in and just give it away ♪
♪ If you really wanna know, baby ♪
♪ Come a little closer ♪
♪ And I'll whisper in your ear ♪
♪ If you really need to know, baby ♪
♪ Come a little closer ♪
♪ And I'll whisper in your ear ♪
♪ Maybe I'll have forgotten what I was gonna say ♪
♪ But come a little closer ♪
♪ Let me whisper in your ear anyway ♪
♪ Mm-mm ♪
♪ Anyway ♪
♪ Mm-mm ♪
♪ You can ask over and over ♪
♪ But I'm not ready to tell ♪
♪ 'Cause I'll have all your attention ♪
♪ This feeling is suspended in air ♪
♪ And I can keep it as long as I've been meanin' ♪
♪ Have all your attention ♪
♪ As long as it's a mystery... ♪
Synchronized by srjanapala

They're in this cocoon, but they wake up and it's like a primordial soup.
- Soup, I know.
- And their mouth is the butt...
- Please stop.
- ...and the butt' the mouth, which is...
I know, I already know!
I just don't want to hear it again, no offense.
I... um, you're driving me nuts.
I'm excited!
I've never been to a mansion before!
Well, it's not a social visit, all right?
My sister sucks.
Hey, okay. 
That's your sister.
Yeah, you despise your sister.
Yeah, well, 'cause my sister's a locksmith.
She lives in a box.
Your sister's a freakin' millionaire.
Well, no, she married a millionaire, there's a big difference.
Oh... baby got a big old butt!
That's gasoline.
What?
Oh, my God!
Why do you have gasoline?
Well, I'm not gonna pay Greenwich prices.
So you keep it in a juice jug?
!
Yeah. 
You spit all over my dash.
What'd you want me to do with it?
I don't know, deal with... here we go.
- Cop, cop, cop! 
Put the gas away.
- What happ...
- Why?
- I got this.
- Why, why?
- I got you, I got you.
Howdy.
Everything okay here?
- Security.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
We're fine, not that it's any of your concern.
- You guys lost?
- No.
My sister lives here.
Okay.
Stay out of trouble.
Will do, Officer.
What the hell was that?
- Well...
- Guy treats us like a bunch of lowlifes?
Yeah, welcome to Greenwich.
Yeah, I should have spit on him.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Jimmy, where you going?
To the barbecue.
Oh, no.
No, you're not coming in with me.
Why not?
'Cause your embarrassing.
You embarrass me.
I'm embarrassed of you.
Then why the hell did I just drive up here from Rhode Island?
So I can drink.
Uh, just pop on the game.
No! 
I'm not gonna sit out here like some goon and...
Whoa, uh, ninth, go, go.
Here comes the pitch.
Everyone, shut up.
Swing at crap!
Can I bum a smoke, please?
No.
Well... okay, fine. 
I'll kick you a dollar.
It's okay, I already have a dollar.
Thank you, though.
Well, it's just kind of customary to help out a fellow smoker in need.
I get the sense that you're in need a lot.
What's your problem?
I don't have a problem.
You do.
Otherwise, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
- Sorry to bother you.
- It's okay.
Intercepted.
Are you serious?
Bitch!
Bitch.
Relax, Mom. 
It's only cider.
Hello, everyone.
I'm Chip Pemberton.
I live right up there.
In the spirit of Labor Day, let's give it up to the real laborers, the caterers,
- the valet, and...
- Hey, there.
- Oh, my God. 
Mackenzie.
- What?
Hi. 
What are you, um, wha-what are you doing here?
Well, you invited me.
But we invite you every year and you never come.
- Huh.
- Mackenzie, wow.
Christopher.
What has it been like, eight, nine years?
- Oh, I got to get this.
- Whoa. 
No, I can't... okay.
Uh, Liz, look.
Um, this is my sister, Mackenzie.
- Oh, this is the sister.
- Yes.
The sister?
What are you? 
You're the...
- Neighbor.
- The neighbor?
Well, I'll let you two catch up.
- You don't...
- Poodle, call me.
- Mm-hmm.
- Good luck.
Okay.
Did she just call you Poodle?
It's cute, right?
- Poodle, huh?
- Yeah.
All right.
- You look nice.
- Thank you so much.
Yeah.
What'd you do to your... you did something to your face?
I did, yeah. 
I upgraded a bit.
- Uh-huh.
- Mommy?
I got a nosebleed.
Oh, gross.
Get-get... 
Alba, could you...?
Oh, yes, Ms. Poodle?
Oh, okay. 
Estás bien.
- Vámonos, Benito.
- Gracias, Alba.
Ay, vamos a limpiar.
They have their own little secret language.
So annoying.
And you should see Sabrina.
Oh, my... oh, there she is.
Sabrina, look, it's your Aunt Mackenzie.
Sabrina.
Wow. 
Aunt Mackenzie.
I haven't seen you since you were young.
Sabrina's going to Yale next year.
I got into Yale, that doesn't mean I'm going.
- Well, you sh...
- That's probably a good call.
Cute.
Remind me, what do you do again?
You know how it goes.
Just kind of in between things.
I don't... but good luck with your things.
Thank you.
- Isn't she amazing?
- Oh, she is.
I am amazed.
- So, listen, 
- Yeah?
Poodle.
Um, I wanted to give you an opportunity
- to invest in my future.
- There it is.
This is the Mickey that I know.
- What are you talking about?
- I was half your age when I settled down.
Settle down? 
You got knocked up by some rich guy when you were working as a stripper.
I was waitress at a strip club.
You were a topless waitress.
Okay. 
And that's even worse, it just means you couldn't dance.
Hey! 
I am a great dancer.
FBI!
We have a warrant for the arrest of Christopher and Pamela Pemberton for fraud.
...checks the runner at first.
Who was that?
That ball is laced into the gap...
What?
!
- Watch the shoes.
- Oh, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, hang on.
- That's my sister. 
Poodle!
- Hi.
- What the hell?
- Yeah, I don't know.
Listen. 
I need you to watch the kids tonight.
- Your kids?
- Yeah.
No, no, I-I'm a bad choice for that job.
Oh, no, no. 
You just need to get them to school in the morning, okay?
- Hey. 
- This whole thing is a huge misunderstanding.
Have that neighbor lady, the one with the hat?
Absolutely not. 
I'd never hear the end of it.
Uh, babysitter? 
Don't you have a babysitter?
Ooh, I know! 
Get one of those guys outside the hardware store to-to do it.
- They'll do it.
- Damn it, Mickey.
My hands are kind of tied right now.
Okay, watch the hair.
Listen, just act like their aunt for one day and I'll get you the money that you need, okay?
And don't ruin them!
Uh...
So... your parents are safe and they just wanted to see if I could spend a little time with you guys while this whole thing gets sorted.
It will get sorted, okay?
And when it does, those FBI pigs will be the ones rotting in jail.
Mommy and Daddy are in jail?
Don't worry, Ben.
The scales of justice tip in favor of the wealthy.
If we throw enough money at this thing,
I'm sure it will go away.
And then we'll sue their asses for defamation,
- okay?
- Okay.
Okay.
So, I have an idea. 
Ooh!
Why don't we all just hunker down and play poker all night long, until this whole thing blows over?
That's not gonna work for me.
Yeah, I'm gonna go to this fund-raiser for Planned Parenthood.
Probably crash at my friend's place, go to the city tomorrow.
So just don't expect to see me too much.
You know, we probably won't see each other at all.
But hey, let's catch up again in ten years when you need another loan.
Listen, Sabrina, I got a lot riding on this gig, so can you do me a favor and not be a big, giant, pain in the ass, please?
Maybe you don't know this, but Planned Parenthood provides health care to over three million women in this country.
Oh, sweetie, I know all about Planned Parenthood.
I should have one of those punch cards that gets you a free sub every ten visits.
Gross.
No, I just meant...
I-I never got, like... uh...
I just had a bunch of bacterial infect... you know what?
- Ew.
- The point is, you want to make a difference?
Go out on the front line, right?
Chain yourself to a redwood, light yourself on fire.
Just not tonight, understood?
I'm sorry, were you saying something?
I was distracted by how uneven your eyebrows are.
My Uber's here, so I'm out.
I'll be home whenever.
Cool.
What are you drinking?
Oh, just some absinthe.
Want to take a ride?
Seriously?
You're not driving.
Sure, what the hell?
Okay.
Yes!
Listen.
I feel like we got off on the wrong foot, and I know that you're going through a lot right now, um, with your parents and...
Oh, I don't care about that.
Oh.
Okay, well, whether you do or you don't...
I don't.
All right, well, the point is,
I'm your aunt and I want to be the cool aunt.
I want you to come to me with boy problems.
Or girl problems. 
I don't assume.
What do you say?
Can we start over?
Please?
Yeah, okay. 
Why not?
Mm-hmm.
Um... 
I just, like,
I'm really happy that we're talking, and, I don't know,
I just feel like... there is something that I wanted to say to you.
Yes, anything, please.
I know you think you're pretty clever with this little plan to drink me under the table.
But you see, there are two problems.
You're not.
And you can't.
Peace out, Mackenzie.
Uh-oh.
Something the matter?
No, I'm good, I just felt kind of funny for a second.
Oh, man.
Funny how?
Funny like you just drank six different types of sleep medication funny?
What?
You got straight played, homie.
No, but you took it, too.
- I...
- I don't want you to worry about me.
I can handle my 'Quil.
Why'd you do that?
Because I own you.
- What?
- Night-night, princess.
Let's get you into your jams.
- No.
- Come on, I got you.
- No, wait! 
Wait.
- Come on.
Hold on. 
Upsy-daisy.
Keys. 
Alba.
I need some car keys, the kids are late.
Oh, the kids go to school already.
Ms. Poodle likes to sleep in, too, so I took care of it.
Oh.
That was easy.
You want me to make you breakfast?
Well, I mean,
I don't want you to not make me breakfast.
All right, so what's the deal with that pool?
Is it heated?
Oh, I don't know.
I never tried.
You're telling me you're here every single day busting your hump, these entitled monkeys don't even let you get wet?
Oh, I cannot swim.
That's not the point.
The pool's a metaphor.
No, you're getting boxed out,
- and I don't like that.
- Oh.
I'll tell you what, as long as I'm here, you and me, we're equals.
Yeah?
Oh, yeah, in fact... pull up a chair, we're eating breakfast together.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.
I mean... you got to cook the food first.
- Oh.
- But after that, equals.
Oh.
- Yeah, that one'll be fun.
- Okay.
Here come the shoes.
Come closer, I can't reach it.
Trust me.
No! 
Come on!
No!
Oh, man.
You are a bummer.
Yep.
- Catch it!
- Oh, what? 
I don't want it.
All right.
Whoa!
What's the matter with her?
I think she's dead.
She's not dead, I can see her breathing.
Oh, hey.
You guys are home.
Cool.
What's everybody thinking for dinner?
We just ate breakfast.
You were like this when we came home from school yesterday.
Huh?
Well, where's Alba?
Help!
Somebody!
Oh.
All right, well, uh... good morning.
What's that crap on your head?
An owl, it's our mascot.
We're unveiling a live one today at assembly.
It's gonna be awesome.
It's not gonna be awesome, it's sick.
He's gonna be trapped in a cage while a bunch of morons poke him and feed him gummy bears.
Ugh! 
Change the record.
This song sucks.
How would you feel if someone ripped you off your barstool and threw you in a cage?
I cannot count the number of times
I've been ripped off a barstool and thrown in a cage.
Cool story.
We're gonna head out, okay?
Give my regards to the groom.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
How about I drive you guys?
Should probably get out of the house.
Yesterday kind of got away from me.
Get in there, you bastard.
Let's do it. 
Ugh!
There. 
Here we are.
Bye, Sabrina.
Have a great day, I love you.
Auntie loves you all day long.
- Morning, Chip.
- Hey, Steffi.
- How's it going?
- 'Sup, Chippy?
How are your folks liking the clink?
Oh!
Freaking Geno Pinero!
I hate that guy.
Yeah. 
Well, do something about it.
Like what?
The guy is a maniac.
He stuck a garden hose up Danny Clerkin's butt and the water shot out of his nose!
Okay.
Well, that didn't happen, but I am delighted that the rumor exists.
Look, pal, next time he gives you crap, yank his pants down and point at his tiny pecker.
That'll do it.
You're insane, okay?
He-He'll pound me.
No! 
Humor trumps violence.
Trust me, girls want the funny guy.
Mackenzie.
- Ah! 
Oh.
- I thought that was you.
Liz, Poodle's friend.
- Mm-hmm.
- How are you managing with the kids?
Sabrina can be a bit of a handful.
Sabrina?
No, she's been very helpful.
I don't know how I'd manage without her.
Well, I got to run.
Make sure you get some sleep, you look tired.
- Bye, hon.
- Bye, hon.
That woman is a real see you next Tuesday.
What happens on Tuesday?
Tacos.
Two-dollar drink specials.
What are you still doing there?
I miss Mommy and Daddy.
Well...
I'll tell you what, kid.
Why don't you pop on up front?
You are playing hooky today. 
Come on.
But what if I miss something important?
Like what? 
How to roll your boogers between your fingers till they disappear?
Buckle up.
I am hungover.
What's hungover?
Well, you know, it's, like... you know when you eat a whole bunch of candy?
Sweet stuff, and at the time it feels great, but then the next day you got, like, a tummy ache?
Uh-huh.
That's hungover.
Have you tried pooping?
Sometimes that makes my tummy feel better.
I have not. 
But I will definitely take that into consideration. 
Thank you.
Uh, hey, Ben, you hungry?
You, uh, feeling like having some ice cream?
I can't. 
My mom says I'm allergic.
Yeah, well, I got news for you, pal.
Your mom is just projecting her own eating disorders onto you.
What's projecting?
Great question.
Projecting, that's, like, when something's wrong with you, but you think something's
- wrong with somebody else.
- Hey. 
Fire!
- What? 
What?
- Fire! 
Help!
Oh, yeah. 
Somebody get that.
Hey! 
Here you go, buddy, dig in.
Why didn't we pay for it?
I don't have any money.
Why not?
Some people have less money than others.
Why?
Look, pal. 
I'm not gonna just stop the whole day and explain the ins and outs of the economy to you, all right, now?
'Cause it's boring, okay?
And also 'cause I don't totally have a firm grasp on it myself.
Well, I would have paid for you.
You are so sweet.
Now, don't you go breaking your piggy bank open.
Is that... is that a Black Card?
Sabrina?
What's up?
What is that gross bird doing in this house?
I stole him from school.
I just couldn't watch him
- be treated like that anymore, you know?
- Oh, yes. 
Yes.
I'm sure he's much happier here listening to thumping techno with your moron friends.
Control your animal!
Relax. 
I'm gonna liberate him in a wildlife preserve near Stratford.
Are you insane? 
Take him back to school right this second, before you get busted.
Oh, great!
What happened to you?
I'll tell you what happened.
I tried to trump violence with humor, and violence won by a landslide.
Well, clearly you didn't do it right.
Did you remember to laugh at his tiny penis?
That part's pretty important.
It was humongous!
I'm lucky he didn't beat me with it.
Okay. 
I... uh, go put a steak on your face or something, I don't know.
Sabrina, can you please try and think for a second?
You're the one who told me to get out on the front lines.
Well, I don't... 
I give terrible advice!
- Everybody knows that.
- Look at me!
I'm grotesque.
- I'm gonna sue his ass.
- For what?
Battery.
And then I'm going to sue the school for negligence.
Okay. 
Pipe down, all right? 
You're not gonna sue your way into this girl's pants.
Oh, yeah? 
Watch me!
Now what?
What do you want?
Just checking in. 
You don't strike me as much of a cook,
- so I brought you a casserole.
- Oh, you are so, so sweet.
Oh! 
Shoot.
You did that on purpose.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my, what did you
- do to him?
- No. 
I didn't do that.
He got pounded at school for checking out some kid's wiener.
Because of you!
Now Steffi thinks I'm a joke and Geno's got the raddest freaking dong in school.
Okay.
Mickey, can I have some more ice cream?
Oh, oh!
That's it. 
I'm calling the cops.
Why don't you call the cops from your house?
Get your hands off me. 
Lady, I haven't even begun to put hands on you.
- Afternoon, ladies.
- Oh, you again.
- Is everything okay?
- Officer, this woman assaulted me.
Number one, that is ludicrous. 
Number two, this man is an officer of nothing.
She's a danger to these children.
- The kids are fine.
- They do not look fine.
You know what? 
Why don't you both get
- out of my house?
- It's not your house.
Can I see some identification?
I'm not showing you dick. 
Sabrina?
Don't you go anywhere. 
I am not done talking to you.
- Do you live here?
- Yeah.
Who is this?
No idea.
Okay, ma'am. 
Why don't we step outside until we figure this out?
You are not even a real cop.
You've got a cloth badge.
Don't make me detain you.
With what? 
You have no gun.
No, I have a Taser.
Bitch, I hope you brought two, 'cause Mama's got a real high tolerance.
Okay. 
Here we go.
Oh, no! 
Oh!
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!
- Oh! 
Are you okay?
- I doubt it.
This is all your fault.
I'm calling the real police
- for this...
- Oh! 
Oh!
Whoa! 
Alba!
Are you serious?
That was unbelievable.
I don't like these people, but I like you.
So, go stop Sabrina, and don't worry,
I will clean this up.
Y-Yeah. 
Yeah.
Just to be clear, when you say clean it up...?
Oh, I take 'em home, make sure they're okay.
- Okay. 
Good, good, good. 
Thank you!
- Mm-hmm.
Sabrina, it's me!
Aah!
Listen to me, you can't just steal owls.
Uh, if you free this owl,
I will murder another one, just to even the score.
So, know that!
This is an insane message. 
Call me back.
Sabrina, where are you?
!
Sabrina, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm cool. 
I'm at this loft party in SoHo.
It's all right.
Then what am I doing at the wildlife preserve?
Pop the trunk.
No, Ben. 
Give me the matches.
Please stay out of my purse, okay?
Hello.
Hey, sis, it's me.
Where the hell are you?
Oh, uh, we had to flee the country.
What? 
I thought you said it was a misunderstanding.
- It was. 
It is.
- Well...
It's complicated. 
Listen.
I need you to watch the kids a little longer.
No. 
No. 
Nope. 
No, I'm not gonna do that.
I already did my time.
No, my answer's no.
Uh, sorry, Mick, no, yeah, you-you're breaking up.
- I can't hear you.
- Oh, no, no, no.
I know what you're doing. 
Stop it. 
I can hear you just fine.
- Tell the kids Mommy loves them.
- No, Poodle. 
No.
- I'll be back soon. 
All right.
- Poodle, no!
- Can't hear you, hanging up, gotta go.
- Don't you hang up the phone.
Hello? 
Hello?
You okay?
You don't look so hot.
I mean, you never look great, but right now you look, like, actively bad.
No. 
I'm fine, Sabrina.
Thank you for your concern.
How are you?
I'm awesome. 
This chicken is fantastic.
Oh, sweetheart.
That's not chicken.
Hmm.

♪ We ♪
♪ Are the crystal ♪
♪ Gems ♪
♪ We'll always save the day ♪
Steven: ♪ And if you think we can't, we'll ♪
♪ Always find a way ♪
♪ That's why the people ♪
♪ Of this world ♪
♪ Believe in ♪
♪ Garnet ♪
Amethyst: ♪ Amethyst ♪
Pearl: ♪ And Pearl ♪
And Steven!
*STEVEN UNIVERSE* Season 04 Episode 16
"STORM IN THE ROOM" Synchronized by srjanapala
Steven: 
Thanks again for protecting Beach City while I was gone, Connie.
No problem. 
And now that you're back from space,
I officially relinquish control of your bed to you.
Thank you for keeping it warm, sir.
[ Both laugh ]
I hope your dad liked the new car wash sign.
He loved it.
I'm sure it'll look great when the Gems are done putting it up.
I hope they're back in time for me to say bye.
Uh...
It might be a while.
You wouldn't believe how many of them it takes to screw in a light bulb.
I wonder where my mom is.
She should have been here to pick me up by now.
[ Ringing ]
You've reached Dr. Maheswaran.
Please leave a message, and if you're one of my patients, you shouldn't have this number!
She's not answering.
Well, look on the bright side!
Now we can hang out a little longer.
I'm sure she'll show up eventually.
I don't want to impose.
I mean, you must have a lot to think about after your space adventure.
You almost lost your dad, and all that stuff about the diamonds and your mom...
I'd understand if you need some space.
Nah, the last thing I need right now is more space.
Okay.
So what do you want to do?
The last word is a noun.
Um, multi-hulled watercraft.
Okay, here it goes.
"The wiggly baker baked some new wacky pastries.
There were snail puffs, lawnmower pies, and entropy muffins."
[ Ringing ] "Everyone was so fuzzy that they ate everything...
Even the cheesecake shaped like a multi-hulled watercraft."
[ Laughs ]
This is really weird.
My mom always answers her phone.
Hmm.
Oh. 
How about I give you a ride home on Lion?
It's not getting home I'm worried about.
What if she shows up here and we're gone?
We should probably stay put until she comes.
Well, while we're still waiting, how about another weird word game?
Okay.
All right, let's see what we got here.
First one is an adjective.
Accidental.
Accidental.
And the next one's a noun.
Mishap.
Mishap.
Adverb?
Unexpectedly.
Past tense verb?
Crashed.
Noun?
Explosion.
Wow, you're really worried about your mom, huh?
Yeah. 
It's just she's never late for anything.
[ Inhales ]
[ Exhales ]
[ Gasps ] Dr. Maheswaran: 
Hello?
I'm coming in.
Connie!
Mom!
[ Door closes ] Mom, what happened?
I kept calling, but you weren't answering.
I was starting to freak out.
[ Sighs ] Well, surgery went long, and then I had to cover for Dr. Stromberg, again.
My phone died, and I suspect one of my patients stole my charger and...
[ Sighs ]
I'm so sorry, Connie.
It's okay, Mom.
Everything's fine now.
Thank you for letting Connie stay late.
Night, Steven!
Night, Connie.
So he's back from the spa, huh?
No. 
I said space.
Huh.
[ Sighs ]
[ Beeps ]
[ Grunts ]
Aw, that's nice.
[ Thunder crashes ]
[ Screams ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Sighs ]
You know, sometimes I wonder if it's even you up there... smiling all day and night.
I just want to know the real you.
Not the you that everyone tells me about.
I just want to know the truth.
[ Whirring ]
Uh...
Hey, room.
It's been a bit, huh?
Is that a new cloud?
[ Chuckles ]
Uh...
So...
I suppose you're wondering why I'm here.
I know nothing in here is real, but... but I want to see my mom.
Hello, Steven.
Um, it's...
It's nice to meet you.
[ Laughs ]
It's nice to meet you, too.
[ Chuckles ]
Um, sorry.
This is a little weird for me.
That's okay.
So what do you want to do?
Oh, uh...
I guess I hadn't thought that far ahead.
[ Chuckles ] Do you like video games?
[ Sound effects blare ]
So, tell me about this game, Steven.
Well, I guess it's an arm-wrestling simulator, which is spin-off of a fighting game, based on a show about a lonely swordsman that I like.
It's kind of weird and hard to explain, but that's why I like it.
That sounds just marvelous.
[ Grunts ]
K-O!
Yeah, I won!
Yay, you won.
What else do kids do with their parents?
[ Soft music plays ]
[ Panting ]
[ Grunts ]
Nice catch, son.
This is fun.
Or would baseball be better?
Steven, all sports are beautiful.
Each sport is a unique experience.
The adrenaline, the glory, the sheer feats of athleticism.
Each one so complicated and yet exactly the same.
Whoa.
Hey, Steven!
You know, I've always felt like something was unusual about my adolescence.
Maybe this is what I've been missing... football.
[ Screams ]
[ Both laugh ]
Touchdown!
Steven...
I've been, uh, thinking about you... a lot lately... 
More than usual.
Is that so?
Yeah, well, for my whole life,
I've been hearing stories about you.
About how amazing you were, that you were so kind and loving.
And every time I'd see the painting of you hanging in the temple, I'd be inspired... and reminded of how much I had to live up to.
I, uh...
I've even thought about dyeing my hair pink... more than once.
[ Chuckles ] There's nothing wrong with your hair.
It's wonderful just the way it is.
Wonderful in every way, just like you.
Wow.
This is nice.
It's... it's really nice.
[ Voice breaking ] I... 
I should have tried this a long time ago.
But, Steven, don't you realize?
We've been together this whole time.
Oh.
[ Laughs ]
That's... that...
That's right.
[ Sniffles ] Oh.
This is the first time we've hung out together.
I got to capture this moment.
There's nothing here but me.
I'm just talking to myself.
You're not my mom.
I'm not?
This is how I want you to be, but I don't know if this is who you really are.
I've learned things about you, things you wanted to keep secret.
You locked Bismuth away inside Lion because she wanted to shatter Gems, and you never told Garnet or Pearl.
But then you shattered pink diamond.
Now all of Homeworld has it out for Earth and the Crystal Gems and me!
You put us all in danger, and you just disappeared!
[ Thunder crashes ] Aah!
Whoa. 
Whoa.
Aaah!
[ Grunts ]
I finally know the truth.
I know what you are.
You're a liar!
I thought you never wanted to hurt anyone, but you hurt everyone!
How could you just leave Garnet and Amethyst and Pearl and... and Dad?
They don't know what to do without you!
Maybe they didn't matter to you as much as hiding from the mess you made!
And that's why I'm here, isn't it?
Did you make me just so you wouldn't have to deal with all your mistakes?
[ Sighs ]
Is that all I'm here for?
Steven, you know that isn't true.
In the tape I left you, I told you how much
I wanted to have you and let you exist.
Do you think what I said to you in the tape was a lie?
No. 
I'm sure...
I'm sure you meant it.
I get it.
I know you didn't want me to deal with your problems.
But you're a part of me now, and I have to deal with what you left behind.
Greg: 
Hey, Shtu-ball!
Guess who's back in jean shorts.
And guess who also got you a pizza.
It was me!
Dad!
Amethyst!
Garnet!
And Pearl, too?
They were all out of pepperoni, by the way, so I just got you mushroom.
I hope that's all right.
It's perfect.

[audience cheering]
Driving in a car is dangerous.
When you get behind the wheel or in the passenger seat, you're risking your life.
To minimize that risk, we wear seatbelts.
This is proven technology.
And there are regulations around the world about this.
And I know what you're thinking, "Really, Bill?
-A prop gag, that's it?" -[audience laughs]
Today's show is all about safety.
So, I thought we'd start with this.
[grunts] [audience laughs] [theme music playing]
♪ Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill ♪
♪ Save the world Save the world ♪
♪ Save the world ♪ [audience cheering]
Welcome. 
Welcome to the show.
I'm Bill Nye, and I'm here to save the world.
[audience] Yeah!
A few moments ago, I used a seatbelt to demonstrate a safety fundamental that, believe it or not, was once controversial.
I presume you all made the obvious connection.
Today, we are talking about vaccinations.
And how they prevent bad things, just like seatbelts do.
No kidding.
Vaccines are to germs as seatbelts are to car wrecks.
Well, seatbelts work, they save lives.
The science is settled.
Vaccinations work, they save lives.
That science is settled.
Both are for the public good.
We've known this about vaccines since the 1790s, when Edward Jenner made vaccines that worked pretty well.
That means we've had vaccines longer than we've had Frisbees.
[audience laughs]
Here's how they work.
They have an angle of attack and that produces lift, and the spin stabilizes them.
Just like the tail...
-on a, uh, airplane.
-[audience] Ooh!
Nice catch.
[audience laughs]
Here's how vaccines work.
We study a germ, that is a bacterium, or a virus.
We call this particular one Gary.
[audience laughs]
Next, we study the outside of Gary the Germ.
And let's say, like the pattern on this envelope, it's recognizable as Gary.
Then inside, you'll find the germ's guts.
Maybe inside this one.
[audience laughs]
You'll find the germ's guts.
[audience laughs]
Vicious bits of molecules that can make you sick.
So, to make a vaccine, scientists take the bug and modify it so that it can't hurt you.
Then by placing it in your bloodstream... like this, your white blood cells learn to recognize that germ.
And when they do,
-they attack it.
-[prop squeaks]
[Bill growling] [audience laughs]
[audience cheering]
Destroy it!
[laughs maniacally]
Ahem. 
Sorry.
[audience laughs]
When they come across the actual infecting form of this germ, they remember it, and they shred it.
Take that, Gary.
[audience laughs]
Oh, yes, my friends.
I want you to not get sick.
But the main reason I want you to get vaccinated is to protect me.
[audience laughs]
So, I don't get sick.
This is called the paradox of protection.
If everyone around you is vaccinated, indeed, there is less chance that a troublesome germ will infect you.
So, you think, "Hey, I don't need to get vaccinated."
But what if a big, bad, tiny germ... [audience laughs] infects you?
There's an excellent chance that germ will mutate into something new.
Then our current vaccines will no longer work against this new bug that you helped create.
Thanks, Typhoid Gary.
[audience laughs]
Now, say you believe you have the right to not wear a seatbelt.
There was a time when some people didn't trust seatbelts.
They thought they caused more harm than good.
We now know that's just not the case.
Now, suppose you wanna leave your kids unbuckled.
Not cool, negligent, illegal even.
Okay. 
Well, what if you don't wanna get vaccinated, can you have your kids left unvaccinated?
You see where I'm going here?
Many countries have laws that require seatbelts.
So, should we have laws that require vaccinations?
I'm not kidding about this, people.
It's serious.
I went to school with a kid who had polio.
Let me tell you something.
You do not want polio.
You do not want your friends to get polio.
Unless you're in Afghanistan or Pakistan, there's virtually no chance you will ever get polio.
Because now, due to vaccines, the disease has been nearly eradicated.
We are all protected. 
It's what we do.
But it wasn't always that way everywhere, as our correspondent Emily Calandrelli shows us.
Oh.
Wait.
[audience laughs]
[Emily] Victory has many looks.
Many faces.
On athletic fields and battle fields.
In backyards and on the world's biggest stages.
Humanity celebrates its victories in similar but different ways.
In India, which has been waging war against polio for a quarter century, victory is written on the faces of every child who gets vaccinated.
Polio is an infectious disease that attacks nervous system.
And it causes paralysis within hours.
This leaves children deformed pretty much for the rest of their life, and sometimes can kill them.
As long as there's even one child in the world that has polio, every child is at risk for polio.
[Emily] India is a huge country.
What were the challenges of taking on such a daunting task here?
For vaccination, we have to reach children under five, and there's 170 million children under five.
Why was it important for you to bring your son here today?
[in Kannada] For the polio vaccine, we've come to the clinic.
Now, when you were growing up, did your parents worry that you might get polio?
[in Kannada] Yes, they had that fear.
[Emily] In the early 1990s,
Polio was at crisis levels in India.
More than 150,000 children per year were paralyzed by the disease.
The Indian government went on the offensive, launching nationwide vaccination programs aimed at immunizing a staggering 172 million kids twice a year.
Thanks to these incredible efforts, India is now polio-free.
But Indians must now face the legacy of the disease they have conquered.
Everybody in India knows somebody with polio.
Whether it's an aunt or uncle or family member, they have a living memory of polio being a real and dangerous threat.
[Emily] I met a successful IT professional who was paralyzed by polio, and is now confined to a wheelchair.
[Emily] Many Americans think vaccines aren't necessary.
What would you say to them?
They should at least see people who are affected by polio... how they are suffering, what other problems they are facing.
And then they will come to know what is the importance of vaccination.
[children chanting and laughing] [audience cheering]
Pretty cool.
So, how--? 
Okay.
Hundred and seventy-some million people got vaccinated?
-[Emily] Yes.
-How did they organize such--?
It's a Herculean effort, right?
This is the second-largest most populated country in the world.
-[Bill] So dense, too.
-It's so dense.
The Indian government must've been strongly motivated.
There are so many hands involved.
There had to be.
So, Rotary International, UNICEF, the Indian government--
They all had to contribute to make this work.
-Who paid for it? 
This is just a-- 
-The Bill  Melinda Gates Foundation.
They invested over $400 million into it.
[audience applauds]
-Yeah.
-So--
Running the numbers-- 
-You're a mechanical-aerospace engineer.
-I am. 
Yeah.
-[audience cheers] 
-Just, uh...
Just thinking out loud.
You got 170 million, in order of magnitude.
That's 200 million, and 400 million--
That's only two bucks a person.
Yeah. 
So, they're just little drops, what they're giving out, the polio vaccine.
You saw, it's just a little drop in a baby's mouth.
The kids there get four doses up until they're six years old.
They have to keep coming back and getting these doses.
-They get them for free.
-Was there a resistance?
Did people say, "I don't want needles"?
Well, you know, the people I spoke to, that was such a thought that was so far from their mind.
Not wanting a vaccine, uh, was a ridiculous idea to them.
'Cause to them, it's literally a life-saving medicine.
Because polio is such a recent memory for them.
The last reported case of polio in India was in 2011.
So, it's still very scary for them.
What is it gonna take? 
There's still a few places where you can get it, right?
Right. 
So, there's still three countries left in the world that have it.
Afghanistan, Pakistan and Nigeria.
These countries really need to step up their game with their vaccination programs.
But those places--
At least Afghanistan and Pakistan, they've got wars going on.
-Which has gotta complicate things.
-I'm sure that it does. 
Yeah.
It takes resources to eradicate a disease like this.
It takes resources to bring these vaccines to kids all around the country.
So, it's gonna take money.
It's gonna take time, and a lot of organization.
-Emily Calandrelli. 
Thank you.
-Thank you.
[audience cheering]
[Bill] Thank you.
In many parts of the world, parents are skeptical of vaccines.
So, here to discuss this is our panel of experts.
[audience cheers]
Oh, sorry.
[audience applauding]
[audience laughs]
We're starting here with Kristen O'Meara, former anti-vaxxer parent.
And you changed your mind after three children got the rotavirus.
-Is that right?
-Mm-hm.
Dr. Jennifer Reich. 
Professor of Sociology at the University of Colorado, Denver.
Yup.
Author of Calling the Shots:
Why Parents Reject Vaccines.
And Dr. Lanre Falusi.
Pediatrician in the Washington, D.C. area--
Go, Nationals.
And former president of the D.C. chapter of the American Academy of Pediatrics.
Thank you so much for coming.
Thank you.
[audience cheering]
So, of course--
I don't need to know, but I wanna know.
Why do parents choose to not get their kids vaccinated?
Jennifer.
A quick answer for a long question.
I spent about a decade talking to parents trying to understand that choice.
The evidence in science seems really clear. 
Vaccines prevent diseases.
Many parents now have never seen a lot of the diseases that we're vaccinating against.
And so, what I hear from parents is that they really believe that they should be doing their own information gathering.
And in the end, they really feel like they're experts on their kids.
And the claims that vaccines are really necessary are starting to feel less compelling as they've never seen these diseases in their lifetime.
So, people wanna gather their own information.
-[Jennifer] Mm-hm.
-Uh...
Is that what happened with you, Kristen?
Yeah, I felt like I had the responsibility to do the very best that I possibly could for my kids.
How old were they at the time when you were thinking these thoughts?
I've got a set of four-year-old twins and a six-year-old.
So, when my six-year-old was-- Before she was born--
When I was pregnant with my very first child, was when I was really, um, feeling it necessary to investigate.
I knew I'd heard some things about, you know, "Vaccines are dangerous.
There's all these scary ingredients in them.
Don't trust what you hear because, you know,
Big Pharma is paying for the studies and you can't believe what anyone says about it."
So, I felt like it was my duty to make the very best choice I could for my kids
-and so I decided to research on my own.
-[Bill] But something happened?
-So, something happened?
-Yeah, they, um--
When...
In 2015, in March, we all came down with rotavirus, which is, like--
What is that? 
Like the flu times three?
It's like stomach flu on steroids.
So, like, the typical stomach flu that you would get would be norovirus.
Um, rotavirus is... much-
- Like, you know.
You know that something is up.
It's worse.
It's many, many days of misery and unpleasantness.
And when I realized that that's what they had, and I knew that there was a fairly recent vaccine for rotavirus,
I thought, "Oh, my gosh.
Maybe we didn't have to just suffer through this."
So, let me ask you this.
What is all the fear about autism?
So, that, thankfully, has been debunked.
The one study that purported a connection between autism and the measles, mumps and rubella vaccine has been debunked.
-The physician who created that study-- 
-He's notorious.
Exactly. 
It's been notorious.
-His medical license has been revoked.
-That's a big deal.
His paper was revoked. 
It's a huge deal.
And the scientific community has, really, over years and years, and thousands and thousands of patients, has shown that there really is no data to support any link between autism and any vaccine.
-[Bill] What about--?
-[Jennifer] One thing I'd add...
Please.
The number of parents who opt out of all vaccines is really quite small.
What's important to think about though is we know that as many 20 percent of parents are not following national recommendations for vaccines.
And because parents see themselves as experts, they're designing their own schedules often.
You see that in your practice, probably too, right?
That parents are coming in and really picking and choosing in a cafeteria style manner, which is raising very different kinds of questions about public health.
And the risk of these sort of "alternative schedules"
is that children do remain unvaccinated and unprotected for longer.
They're more vulnerable to these diseases that could've been prevented.
I think the question of vaccine-hesitant parents, in my research, is it raises important questions about where parents weigh information, who they trust, how we're communicating science, whether the parents trust the science that goes into this.
And whether they think pediatricians know their family, and understand their family, and understand their children as unique individuals.
-Did you feel that way?
-[Kristen] Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, when I was kind of interviewing pediatricians... um, one of-
- When my daughter was six months old,
I already decided I probably wasn't going to vaccinate.
And I found a pediatrician, and I was sort of shopping.
And when I told him,
"Yeah, I don't vaccinate-- She's not vaccinated yet."
I could just see him roll his eyes in his head and groan, and just say,
"Great. 
I have one of these crazy people that I have to deal with in my office."
He didn't say that, but his expression and the way he was talking to me and--
I kind of feel like if I had been lucky enough to find a pediatrician who, you know, would ask, you know, ask me specifics.
"What are you specifically concerned about?"
Someone who would kind of be willing to work with me instead of, um, to sort of belittle my concerns and say,
"But they're safe. 
What's your problem?"
I think I might have been ready to vaccinate sooner.
That's such a great point.
And the research shows, in my own personal experience, I've seen too that that one-on-one individualized counseling with the child's doctor, um, really is the most important factor, I think, in deciding to vaccinate.
Should vaccines be mandatory?
-[Lanre] So, I think-- 
-Should that be the law?
In most states-
- Actually, all states have requirements for vaccines.
So, when it comes to entrance into child care or to public school and many, also, into private schools.
Um, they all also have medical exemptions, which is completely acceptable, right?
For children who are either too young or, for medical reasons, can't be vaccinated.
So, they are mandatory in many settings.
Did you have to negotiate with schools?
Um...
My oldest daughter was in preschool and what I had to do was to write, like, a philosophical/religious exemption letter.
It had a religious tone?
That doesn't surprise me.
You know, I'm not a religious person, so I-
- And I refuse to lie about things.
So, I had to kind of word it really delicately and sort of opaquely.
And then after the measles outbreak, which was right around the same time that we all came down with rotavirus, which has definitely, you know, played a role in me changing my mind... her preschool said that, you know, as of next year,
they would no longer accept those letters and everyone had to be vaccinated unless they had a medical exemption.
So, in a lot of ways, we can think of it as part of the social contract.
If you wanna participate in public education or child care settings, then you have to pay into the community to use community resources.
If you don't wanna vaccinate, you don't have to.
It means you have to make different kinds of educational choices for your kids and different kinds of resources.
But what happens is as vaccination rates go down in certain communities, those who cannot be vaccinated are at risk.
We like to say at the American Academy of Pediatrics, we're almost disenfranchising those who can't be protected by everyone else around them who otherwise would be vaccinated.
So, those really young infants, those who are immunocompromised, patients who are going through chemotherapy for cancer.
Our job as a society, as I see it, really is to help protect them and by vaccinating ourselves, it's a benefit to us as individuals but also to those who can't be vaccinated.
Yeah, it's-- [chuckles]
The seatbelt analogy is, to me, is pretty good.
The kid doesn't have a choice.
"I don't wanna wear a seatbelt, Dad." "No. 
No, you gotta put your seatbelt on."
The Man makes you wear a seatbelt.
One thing to think about with those pockets, though, is that those pockets are not randomly distributed across the country.
So, the parents who opt out of vaccines by choice are most likely to be white, college-educated, and have a higher--
That is tremendous irony.
As a science educator, I failed!
And if they-
- College-educated and have a higher family income.
And I think part of why that is the story of people who resist vaccines is because they really imagine that they can manage disease.
If their kids get sick, they can handle it.
If their kids are quarantined for 21 days in their house, they're not gonna lose their jobs.
Or they're not gonna be inconvenienced in a way that they feel they really can't manage.
I heard from parents all the time,
"We are really healthy." "We eat organic food."
"I breastfed my kids."
"I do all these health-promoting behaviors, so, my kids are gonna be okay."
There's a couple of problems with that. 
One is that it's not a conversation about other kids in the community.
But also that, often, viruses and bacteria don't care if you eat organic food.
-That you can't manage risk perfectly.
-I've spoken with them, the viruses.
-Yeah. 
Great.
-One of your guest speakers?
This has been fantastic.
Thank you all very much.
-Thank you.
-[women] Thank you.
[audience cheering]
You know, we often worry about the kids... but what about all those germs that we're putting out of work?
Take a look.
[audience cheering]
Thank you, Polio, we'll, um...
We'll be in touch.
Yeah.
Oh, what do you expect, man? 
All those cocky vaccines are taking all our jobs.
[sighs] I blame Jonas Salk.
Before him, I was global.
Egypt. 
India. 
Bhutan.
They even took Poland from me.
Oof.
Now I'm selling plasma to pay my car insurance.
Dude, I use to be weaponized.
I have a body count of over 300 million.
Look at me now.
Last month I couldn't afford toilet paper so I had to use a coffee filter.
What, HPV, you think you're better than me?
Well, well, well, living legends here.
What's up, rock stars?
-[Polio] Well, same old, same old.
-Ahh.
How about you?
-Oh, I've been super-busy...
-Here we go.
You name one country, I've been there in the last three months.
Yes. 
Infections up, lives are down.
They are sick with me, but they are not sick of me.
[both chuckle]
-Is that Flu I hear?
-I'll catch you plagues uno minuto.
[man] So good seeing you.
-So busy. 
Insanely busy.
-Yeah.
Busier than chlamydia at Arizona State.
If they have a new outbreak they are casting that douche.
Let's hit snack time at a Waldorf school.
Hey, hey, hey. 
Listen, I'm sorry.
Is this a good time?
Or do you all want some more time to bitch and moan?
Who is it for you, Rabies?
Who's your Moby Dick? 
Is it Air Bud?
You know what? 
Just shut up.
I'm trying to do you losers a solid.
What's up?
-Anti-vaccination forum? 
What the heck--?
-Shh!
Shh! 
No, listen. 
It is a list of towns popping up in the world that have stopped vaccinating.
-Are you serious?
-[Rabies] Yes.
-Money!
-[Rabies] Yes.
-This is on the DL.
-Okay.
Just fantastic. 
Phenomenal.
Thank you for coming in.
So great running into you beasts again.
Ebola, I am but a cold compared to you.
Yeah, well, Ebola's not looking that great.
Yeah, I don't mean to tell you how to run an outbreak, but you ever think about re-inventing yourself, like, seasonally?
Give you something to noodle on there.
Ooh.
Stay fresh, gentlemen. 
Stay fresh.
What I wouldn't do to give his sack a rash.
Yeah.
Hey, guys, good news.
We had some last minute drop outs.
Anyone interested in working with Jenny McCarthy?
-Oh, yeah.
-Yes.
That's my girl.
[audience cheering]
[Bill] Come on. 
That was fun, right?
I hope by now we've made the case that vaccines do amazing things for the world.
But they're not just about the greater good.
They're also about the health of the individual.
Just gotta put on this unusual lab coat.
The one with the black patches.
Personally, there's one individual I care deeply about.
This guy.
Me. 
Bill-freaking-Nye.
[audience cheering]
Like you, I don't like getting sick.
But just for a moment, let's pretend it's not all about me.
You see, vaccines work best when the vast majority of the population gets them.
Like, these fine folk.
Imagine their raincoats are vaccines.
Further imagine that I'm one of the few people who can't get vaccinated.
Maybe I'm allergic, or I've got a compromised immune system.
Whatever the case, I can't get my own vaccine raincoat.
So, I'm vulnerable to nasty, little viruses.
Like these.
[audience laughs]
Fortunately, enough fine citizenry around me are vaccinated.
So, the virus doesn't spread.
And I don't get sick.
Suck it, germs.
You ain't getting a piece of this.
[audience laughs]
We call this herd immunity.
And it's one of the reasons we should all take a shot in the arm for those who can't get a shot in the arm.
But imagine more and more people choose not to vaccinate, they may think, "Hey, I'll take the risk.
I'll probably live through whatever illness comes my way."
And they may be right.
But what about me?
What if that same virus is likely to kill me dead?
As more people get sick, more people spread the virus.
And the chances I'll catch it go up and up.
You see how quickly this becomes all about me?
Or in your case, you.
Or anybody who might be vulnerable for reasons they can't control?
Which brings us back to, well, us.
Society at large.
Now, hear me out.
When you get vaccinated, you are not just protecting yourself, you're protecting the most vulnerable among us.
The sick.
The immunocompromised.
The very young and the very old.
That's why I get frustrated with healthy people who choose to not get vaccinated.
What are they thinking?
They're not thinking. 
It's selfish.
So, I implore you to get vaccinated and tell others to do the same thing.
Even if little rubber balls are bouncing off of them.
Let's make vaccines cool, a badge of pride.
After all, it's not just the smart thing to do, it's the right thing to do.
Now get out there. 
Do some shots.
And save the world.
[audience cheering]
Whoo!
♪ Save the world, Bill Now ♪ [theme music playing]
♪ Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill ♪
♪ Save the world Save the world ♪
♪ Bill, whoo, Bill, whoo, Bill, whoo, Bill ♪
♪ Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill ♪
♪ Save the world Save the world ♪
♪ Bill, whoo, Bill, whoo, Bill, whoo, Bill ♪
♪ Save the world ♪
♪ Save the world, Bill Now ♪

- [crashing] - [screaming]
I'm putting my foot down.
No more reality. 
I want serious work.
We. 
Want. 
You.
- For what exactly.
- Your own late night talk show.
So... not scripted.
Not scri... 
I don't... 
Well?
Oh, God, no.
I just got offered to be a host of this
- late night talk show.
- [gasps]
- Oh, my God! 
You'd be perfect for that.
- Right?
"Welcome aboard, Joey Lawrence?"
What the [bleep]!
First day of the new show.
This is big, Joe.
You know, after all the indecision,
I'm excited. 
I'm ready to go.
Ditto. 
Ditto, bro.
- So pumped.
- [honking]
- [tires screeching] 
- Whoa.
Driving that to a coffee shop?
[pop music blasts from stereo]
- Joe.
- Oh, my God.
Are you kidding? 
Joe Mac!
- Hey...
- How you doing, buddy?
- Joey Lawrence.
- Bring it in. 
Bring it in.
Hug it out. 
Hug it out.
- How you doing, man?
- All right.
- It's good to see you.
- Playing you own single, huh?
Oh, you heard that? 
Yeah.
Twentieth anniversary remix of "Nothing My Love", man.
Record label was like, you gotta do it.
- And so I did it.
- One of my favorite songs of all time.
- This is incredible by the way.
- Oh, thank you.
Dancing with The Stars in the house!
- Yeah.
- You too.
- Both on "Dancing with The Stars." 
- Yeah!
I didn't wanna do it actually, but my wife was like, "You gotta do it."
So I did it. 
We did well. 
Got to the finals.
Went out third, sort of crushed it.
Me too.
What do you mean you too?
We've been over this a million times.
We both came in third.
- You came in third?
- Yup.
- Same as me? 
It doesn't even matter.
- Yeah.
Look the point is, it's irrelevant.
I had a way tougher season.
Yeah you did. 
I watched every episode.
- Did you?
- You're super flexible.
Joey Lawrence. 
Alex Pike, Joe's Legs Production.
- It's great to meet you. 
Big fan.
- Thank you.
Blossom. 
You are unbelievable.
I heard it's coming back. 
Tell me that's true.
No. 
So listen, speaking of hearing things.
I heard you have your own talk show?
- Yes.
- Are you kidding me?
Yeah. 
Thank you.
- Congratulations, buddy.
- Thank you.
- That's so great.
- I'm excited.
It's gonna be great for you. 
And it's on a good network, right?
Or no, it's not. 
What is it on again?
It's on the... the uh... the Seat channel.
The lazy chair thing.
- No, no, no, no. 
Com-com-comfort.
- Comfy.
Comfy... 
Comfy channel.
- Not com-fee, but comfy.
- Comfe-e?
- Comfy.
- Two Es?
- No Es.
- No, it's a Y. Like, why?
Why do they even have a channel?
I mean Comfy channel doesn't even make any sense.
But you know what? 
It doesn't even matter, 'cause you have your own show and it's on that.
- Me? 
I'm an actor, you know.
- Thank you.
I'm not like the talk show guy,
Like, "Hey, what are you doing?"
I don't know, it's...
I think when you interview famous people, by default, like you're not famous anymore or something.
- Got it.
- I've been asked a million times, you know, which is why I passed on that show and then they offered it to you.
[upbeat tune]
Oh.
They didn't tell you that I passed on it first before you ended up taking it?
Mmm, nah.
They must've left that little tid-bit out, yeah.
Wow. 
I'm... that's...
It shouldn't be awkward though.
It's not awkward. 
It's not even a bad thing.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. 
It's a good thing.
- Thank you.
- I like that.
You're gonna... you're gonna rock it out, dude.
You know what, I think it's going to expand the resumé, instead of just the dancing and the cruise ships with the other guys.
Just that, yeah.
You guys wear earpieces? 
You guys do the Britney Spears thing?
- Good to see you, buddy.
- Hey man, good seeing you too.
You know what, bring it in.
Bring it in.
Hey listen, we gotta hang all right.
- Sure.
- All right.
And uh, you know what...
Dude, you can come work out with me any time you want.
- We can get these triceps in order.
- Excellent.
And just maybe like...
Jesus.
- Yeah.
- Get everything in order.
- Thank you.
- If you want to... some Parkour.
- That's what I do, it works.
- I love Parkour.
- Cool.
- He's busy. 
I'd love to Parkour.
All right, cool. 
Listen, it was great meeting you Allan.
Call me later, all right.
- Yup... 
Alex.
- We'll check in. 
Okay.
- Hey. 
Hey, hey, hey.
- Yeah?
- You're still married aren't you?
- Still married.
Second time's a charm.
I'll see you soon.
Albert, good meeting you.
Remember about that Parkour.
Whoa! 
What a guy.
- What a talent!
- That was not an accident.
The gift basket was meant for him!
Oh, my God. 
That was a re-gift basket.
Of all people. 
Of all people!
Look where he parks!
It's Joey Lawrence.
[energetic music]
I'm Joey Mclntyre.
You know, the little guy from New Kids On The Block.
Since then, I've had my ups.
And I've had my downs.
But I know I can make it... with the love of my family, hard work, and maybe better management.
_
- [phone ringing] - [sighs]
There.
- Tri-boob.
- A tri-boob?
- A tri-bum.
- Donnie!
- A bum-gina.
- A bum-gina?
It doesn't...
Maybe it does.
No. 
It's obvious!
How's it going, Joe?
Uh, not good actually, Donnie.
I'm kind of bummed out.
What did Alex do now?
It's not Alex this time.
I just found out they offered the talk show to Joey Lawrence first.
That guy?
Well, that's the business, Joe.
I mean, you weren't our first choice for New Kids.
As you often remind me.
But you were the right choice.
It's not just about being second choice, Donnie.
It's that they lied to me.
[heavy sigh] Are we gonna play or what?
Joey lost his talk show to the guy from Saved by The Bell.
Oh! 
I love that guy.
Look, Joe, if you want people to deal with you straight, you gotta look 'em in the eye and demand respect.
So you think I should confront them?
Yes! 
It's like I always say,
"If you don't give it to me straight,
"you can't have any...
"food off of my plate."
Just go full Danza on 'em, Joe.
- Show 'em who's the boss.
- Danza?
Yeah. 
You're right.
Okay. 
Thanks.
- A camel toe.
- Yes! 
Finally!
Yes.
What are you guys doing?
[upbeat music]
Well, here we are.
Day one! 
Paige, write that down.
I think I speak for both of us when I say, we are so thrilled you decided to make Comfy your television home.
And I think I speak for myself when I say, we are beyond thrilled.
We're ecstatic. 
Tingling!
In all the right places.
And some of the wrong ones.
[funky beat]
Okay. 
Uh...
Well, I wanna get going. 
When do we start?
First order of business, we want you to unveil the Joey Mac Show at TV Critic Con tomorrow!
[shouting]
You mean... where you announce all the news shows?
I mean, it's a little early.
We don't even know what the show is yet.
[chuckling]
- Well Joe, you are the show.
- Yeah.
Not only that, but we want you to be the face the network.
Comfy's going to have a huge presence at Critic Con this year.
Medium size presence.
We can't afford huge.
Okay.
What Malcolm doesn't understand, is that money doesn't matter.
You can't put a price on art.
Oh, I most certainly can.
Uh, okay.
What-what do you want to do there?
- You just do you.
- Mmm.
Blast 'em with the baby blues.
You tell 'em how excited you are for the new show, maybe do a couple boy band dance moves, then you get off the stage.
Okay, sans the boy band dance moves.
Uhm, you never know.
Everything else, sounds fun. 
Yeah.
Wonderful, Joseph.
We'll send you a limo.
I downgraded it to an Uber X.
[funky music continues]
I'm sorry, who are you?
It's Malcom. 
Just ignore him.
Malcom is the executive in charge of production.
- The money guy.
- Oh.
- From corporate.
- Malcom's not creative... 
like we are.
We come up with these brilliant ideas and then Malcom takes a dump on them, and says things like, "That's too expensive" or "Hey, that's illegal."
or uhm, "Hey, we don't reimburse for bail."
- I don't make the rules, so...
- You don't make anything, Malcolm.
- You just tear things down.
- Oh, okay.
His a big party pooper.
Again, you can't have party without a budget, so.
You can't have a party without a pooper.
That's why he's on the dumb-dumb couch.
Actually, this is ultra suede.
I got a really good deal for it, so...
Anyway Joseph, if there's nothing more, then uh...
There is actually one small thing.
- Oh.
- Uh...
I bumped into Joey Lawrence the other day.
Uh-oh.
- Joey Lawrence?
- [tense music]
I am not aware of who that is.
Uh... maybe he's the guy that you offered this show to first?
I would never.
Paige!
Tell me you didn't do that.
Well, we did, Sam.
But that was before we knew you were available, Joe.
I don't wanna be anybody's sloppy seconds, okay.
Well, better to be sloppy seconds than chafing firsts.
- Am I right, Malcolm?
- Uh-uh.
Not uh... not sure what you mean by that.
What I'm saying is, it's not a great way to start a working relationship.
You're right... 
Joseph. 
You're right.
From this moment on, I solemnly pledge, that Paige will be nothing but upfront with you.
[drum beat]
Oh, hey. 
Uh...
Suzy, can you validate this?
Oh! 
Oh... yeah.
That's something.
I'm so glad you noticed.
I made it myself.
It only took me 140 hours.
I haven't slept since Tuesday.
That's dedication.
Do you want one? 
I can totally make you one!
No, really. 
I'm good and you should get some sleep.
Well, too late, I already started.
Really, no. 
I'm super good, yeah.
Nope. 
End of conversation.
You are now validated.
And so am I.
Thank you.
Okay, I gotta go to this TV Critic Con thing.
Look, Mommy, look, Mommy.
I'm a real housewife from Beverly Hills.
Aw. 
I'm gonna miss you guys.
Aw, don't worry. 
We'll be fine.
I've got one last nanny to interview this afternoon.
- [little girl giggling] 
- You didn't like the others?
Well, no one was really connecting with the kids.
If she's good, do you wanna meet with her?
No. 
If you like her, hire her.
Well, I guess I'm off to the Joey Lawrence Show.
- Don't let that guy get in your head.
- [upbeat music]
Does it bother me that when you Google Joey, his name comes up first?
Yes. 
Yes it does.
Oh, you poor thing.
You'll always be the first Joey in my book.
- [music continues] - _
Rest your eyes on...
The Comfy Capsule.
[gears whining]
What the hell is the Comfy Capsule?
It's the thing that's going to break the Internet is what it is.
You... you want me to get in this thing?
You're failing to see the big picture, Joseph.
Think of yourself as a space traveler emerging from cryosleep into the Comfy Universe full of viewers.
And ratings.
Sam, you really don't expect me to do this?
Actually, I do.
Paige says this will really vibrate with our online community.
Joe... when you emerge from that capsule... now that will be a meme-able moment.
A meme-able moment?
I'll be in my dressing room.
It better be a meme-able moment.
[sighs] [meditation music from the other room]
You gotta be kidding me.
Hey, buddy.
Dancing with The Stars in the house!
[tense drum beat]
- Sup?
- What's up, buddy?
Welcome to the Sultan's tent, man. [grunts]
What's going on? 
What are you doing here?
What do you mean what am I doing here? 
Don't you read the trades?
- I just got my own show.
- On the Comfy Channel?
[laughing] Comfy Channel. 
No.
Come on, the big boy network.
- I'm prime-time.
- [Joey sighs heavily]
It's a funny story, actually.
The day after I turned the show
- they ended up getting you to do...
- Mm-hmm.
I got offered my own show.
Ah, it's funny how that happens.
It's weird. 
It's called Joey's Gym.
It's about a highly decorated... former CIA agent, who decides to open up an orphanage... in his gym.
Well... sounds kind of unbelievable.
Good though, very good.
Whoa.
It's the house that whoa built, huh.
Oh, Joe, please tell me you saw the Comfy Capsule?
How cool is it?
They got Joe popping out of a uh, space capsule.
Like he's freakin' Sigourney Weaver.
- It's gonna be dope.
- Space capsule?
What is this, Back to Future? 
[laughing]
Mclntyre, huh? 
Hello?
Mclntyre, is this not something you should be doing?
Oh, okay. 
They said it was gonna be a meme-able moment.
Oh, a meme-able moment, yeah.
Come on. 
Seriously?
You know what a meme is right?
I mean, a meme... a meme's a joke.
If you need to hop out of some space capsule to create some meme-able moment so people tune in to watch your show...
Pal, I mean really,
I think you need to consider another line of work.
Hmm, you know what.
I hate to admit, but you're right. 
Pod's out.
But what if it's a meme-able moment?
Hey, tell 'em it's out!
- A meme-able moment, Joe.
- I am not...
- A meme-able moment.
- Please, tell them...
- no pod.
- [heavy sigh]
- Thank you, thank you.
- I heard you. 
Pod's out.
- Pod out. 
Pod out.
- Pod out.
- No pods.
- Didn't like it!
- Who is that?
- It's my manager Alex.
Oh, my God. 
We gotta get you new representation.
We will. 
We'll work on it.
You know what just happened here, right now?
Tell me.
My little boy just became a man.
[quirky electronic music]
Where's the Comfy display that I ordered?
The one that I designed on the cocktail napkin at Chili's?
I think this is it.
No, but there's no cascading chocolate fountain.
There's a folding table and a plastic bowl full of weird looking candy!
[exclaims]
We have a budget we're working with, and I spent most of it on your Comfy Capsule and Joe's dressing room accoutrement.
Don't worry, Malcolm, we can totally make this work.
[condescending tone] Well, of course you would think that, Paige.
You actually think that those shoes make your feet look small.
And what the hell is a Twips?
It's the Latvian version of Twix.
Some say they taste even better.
It taste like goat?
- With a hint of carob.
- Oh!
We are launching a network here, Malcolm.
So I don't care what it costs.
Get some real candy.
Why can't you be in charge?
My thoughts exactly.
Oh, hey, Paige.
Got something kind of important
I need to discuss with you, if you have...
Oh, my God.
Twips!
Did you put these out for me?
[awkward chuckle]
Wow. 
It's the goat that makes it so good.
What did you wanna talk about, Alex?
You know, now I don't remember.
Probably wasn't that important...
Oh, Joe doesn't wanna do the capsule.
He has to do the capsule.
- Got it. 
He'll be there.
- Great.
And we want him to wear this.
No problem.
Uhm... may I?
Knock yourself out.
[upbeat tune]
I think we're really starting to bond, Paige.
You on Tinder?
Your resumé is definitely impressive.
And it smells lovely.
I make my own paper at a responsibly harvested alpine leaves.
I love that.
And it says here you're the CEO
- at Salvage Sustenance?
- Mm-hmm.
That's my non-profit found food co-op.
You see what we do is we take perfectly delicious food that people just throw away, and we re-purpose it.
Treasures abound, I mean, you just have to know where you look.
[trash rustling]
Ooh. [chuckles]
A red delicious.
- Oh, no.
- [groans in pleasure]
That's the flavor peak.
You know, we have a little saying.
"The browner the better."
It's not just a saying, it's true.
- No, I'm not!
- I'm sorry.
- That was mine! 
Give it back!
- No, it wasn't.
Griffin and Reece.
- Griffin and Reece.
- Uh, may I?
Griffin, I'm Flan.
Okay.
And you are now in an invisible bubble of tranquility.
Cool.
Reece.
You hare also in an invisible bubble of tranquility.
Now to keep these bubbles from popping, we must be gentle with them, yeah?
And with each other.
Now float, enjoy.
I'm in a bubble of tranquility!
Me too!
Can I have a bubble too, please?
I'm sorry, special person,
I just ran out of bubbles.
- [tranquil music halts] - [groans]
But sometimes when we don't get what we want.
something even better is right around the corner.
Like my book!
There you go.
♪ I love reading, I love reading. ♪
- When can you start?
- [sighs]
I'm gonna need every second Tuesday off.
[upbeat music]
♪ Working out, taking care of my kids ♪
♪ Ain't no easy feet... ♪
I don't know, I'm just brain storming, but they came to me and said you gotta write the them song.
You have to sing it. 
So, I'm tryin' to you know, work on it.
Maybe you can come sing some backgrounds for me?
Gee, thanks.
Come on, man! 
I'd do it for you.
Don't get your panties all in a wad, third round.
We've been over this a million times.
We both came in third!
Stop it. 
Stop it, will yah!
No, this ends right now. 
You're living in this little fantasy world...
Ends right now. 
Yes, we both went out third.
But dude, come on, in your season,
- there were three people.
- Six.
In my season, I got all the way to finals and I lost to Emmitt Smith, who is a Hall of Famer, dude.
And who did you lose to?
You lost to that noodle guy,
- who... with the broth.
- What?
The noodle... the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld.
- J. Peterman.
- The Soup Nazi.
And his quick step was much more elegant than Emmitt Smith's.
Oh, my God, you just crossed over into the world of ridiculous, okay.
Let me tell you this, his rise and fall lacked all flexibility and control.
- What?
- Just face it, Joe.
Joe, just face it, all right.
Some guys just know how to do the Latin hip-swivel thing... some guys don't.
[intense drum beat]
Are you talking about me?
Because my inside rumba swivel is on point.
You know, you talk a big game, Mclntyre.
But the question remains, can you deliver?
[scoffs]
Yeah. 
I can deliver.
Oh.
Well just name the time and the place.
Let's do this.
[electronic music]
[music halts]
Oh, my God. 
Dude.
- You still got it, man.
- You know what, you got it too, pal.
- Holy crap, dude.
- Geeze.
Can I be honest with you?
I never actually watched you
- on Dancing with The Stars.
- Oh.
I had a friend of mine who'd call and watch it.
And he'd call me up and say, "Hey, you see this Joey Mclntyre
"from New Kids on Dancing with The Stars? 
He freakin' sucks."
And I believed him, but I was wrong to believe him,
- because you're amazing.
- Wow. 
Thank you.
And good luck on the show, man.
That's a... 
Joey's Gym and... the soundtrack and it's gonna be beautiful.
I mean, it sounds hilarious in a...
"I've seen it a million times" kind of way.
Really, really appreciate that.
- You gonna sing backgrounds, right?
- You got it. 
I'm in.
Oh, my God.
Tell me I did not just miss El Paso Doble.
No.
Uh, Alan, what the hell are those?
Alex. 
We'll get it sooner or later.
This is what Joe's gonna wear when he pops out of the capsule.
- I told 'em no to the capsule.
- I know you did.
And I told them, "No capsule."
And they said, "Capsule!"
And I was like, "No capsule."
Yeah, he said he's not wearing them though.
So you know what to do, Mclntyre. 
You gotta be a man.
Joe, I'll say something again, but that Paige is very scary and super hot, and that confuses me.
You gonna let 'em do this to you? 
Hmm?
- I'll tell 'em myself.
- Yes you will.
Be a man!
Good luck, Joe.
That's my boy. 
That's my boy.
That's my boy.
Hey uhm, can I trouble you for a selfie?
Not gonna happen, Albert.
It's Alex.
It's gonna be our thing I guess.
[upbeat music]
Announcer: 
Welcome to TV Critic Con.
[applause]
Where is Ian Ziering?
He was supposed to be on stage ten minutes ago.
Well his attorney said he's not coming unless you stop calling him Ian, his name is pronounced "Eye-in."
The show is called "Skin with Ian."
Why would I call a show Skin with "Eye-in?"
That makes no sense!
[heavy sigh]
- Thank God for my happy little friends.
- [pills rattling]
Because with out them...
I would literally lose my mind right now.
Oh, Christ, what now?
- Joseph.
- Don't Joseph me.
First it was a re-gift basket, then you want me to jump out of some capsule.
Now you want me to wear these hot pants?
- Ooh.
- I thought we were going to be
- straight with each other.
- Absolutely.
And I apologize... for Paige.
Shame on you Paige.
Please forgive me, Joe.
Now if we got you a shirt, would you jump out of the capsule?
No.
No shirt, no hot pants, or capsule.
I'm gonna out there, tell everybody I'm excited about the show, and say good night. 
Like we agreed to.
We can live with that.
So that would be a negative on the little antennae...
I'm so glad we had this talk.
Announcer: 
And now, everybody's favorite Joey.
Joey Lawrence!
[music continues]
Thank you! 
Thank you so much.
It's so great to be here with you all this evening.
Truly appreciate it, thanks a lot.
There you go, soak it up.
Joey's Gym this fall. 
Check it out.
Prime time, big boy network.
[cheering, applause]
Joey Mclntyre's singing background.
No, I'm not.
He might.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
You were right, man.
This really is a meme-able moment.
Here we go, get ready.
Bang!
- Bang!
- _
- Bang!
- _

Previously on The Originals... [stake stabs, Elijah yells]
When you die, so too does your entire sire line.
[groans]
The Hollow has Elijah, so we find this thing and its acolytes, we slaughter the lot of them.
One of those bodies would be Sofya, and I'm not willing to stand by and watch someone that I care about become more Mikaelson collateral damage.
I will find a way to save her from the Hollow's infection.
FREYA: 
If Elijah is going to die one way or another, then I can try placing his soul inside the pendant.
Try? 
What do you mean try?
Well, there's a chance he won't survive the process.
Yoli conepiya miquiliztli.
FREYA: 
Spasiti animam suam.
- Yoli conepiya miquiliztli.
- Spasiti animam suam.
- KLAUS: 
Where's the pendant?
- FREYA: 
She's done it.
She's taken Elijah's power.
The Hollow will be reborn.
HAYLEY: 
Tell me Elijah's in there.
You heard him, right?
FREYA: 
Yes, he's somewhere inside, but screaming.
_ [dance music playing]
[neck crunching]
[neck crunching]
♪ ♪
[crunching, sucking]
[gasps] [groans] [crowd gasps]
[crowd gasps and screams] [yelling and screaming]
[screams continue]
I haven't seen vampires die like this since... you were killed.
And my entire sire line died with me.
Elijah.
Rebekah and Kol just landed.
I assured them we're mere moments from returning our brother to life.
Don't make me a liar.
I can't resurrect Elijah until I'm certain his mind is whole.
Well, you saved Finn with that very trinket.
What's the problem?
When that pendant was shattered, Elijah's mind shattered with it.
He's most likely retreated to the innermost core of his consciousness.
- How do we find that?
- I don't know.
It could be anywhere in over a thousand years of memories, but if I try fixing the pendant before finding him and healing his mind, he'll be permanently fractured, like casting a broken bone before it's been properly set.
Spare me the medical analogies and fix him.
I need to go inside and find him.
Once I'm sure his mind is stable, then I can fix the pendant.
Well, then stop talking and get in there.
Klaus? 
Take a walk.
Get some air, let her work. 
Please.
[footfalls receding]
Please tell me that you can do this.
He's my brother.
I'm not gonna stop until he's safe.
JOSH: 
Good news and bad news.
Vincent thinks he can cure Sofya.
All you need to do is bring him the Hollow's blood.
1,500-year-old newly resurrected super powerful witch and I just need to get her blood.
There's got to be another option.
Is that all he said?
Pretty much.
Just something about extracting the magic from the Hollow's blood and then reverse engineering what she did to Sofya.
The point is, I think it's a safe bet that Sofya's not his top priority.
Sofya risked her life for me, all right?
I'm not just gonna sit around while she's dying.
Fine, I get that.
But given that the Hollow is, like, pure evil incarnate, maybe you should consider reaching out to people who are just a little more powerful than me.
Like...
Like Mikaelson people.
I work better alone.
Really? 
Then what am I doing here?
You're the only one I trust, all right? 
Just look after her.
Meanwhile, I'm gonna track down the Hollow.
[footfalls receding]
♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter]
I never told you... but over countless years, you have meant so much to me.
You have been a redeemer, a confidant, a mentor, a rival... and a friend.
And at times, yes, you've been... a royal pain in the ass.
Now look at you.
I'm so sorry.
My brother.
This will not be your end.
I will not rest until I bring you back.
No matter how many I have to kill to insure it.
REBEKAH: 
Sounds like fun.
I could do with a bit of murder and mayhem.
Perhaps you should have stayed where you were.
I never should have left.
Elijah might still be alive.
Or you'd be lying beside him.
All right! 
Chitchat's over.
Can we slaughter someone now?
Well, first things first.
We need to destroy the weapons that give our enemy their advantage.
Now, one scratch from the rosebush is lethal to us.
Freya has tracked down the eight that remain, including the main plant.
Here, in the Ninth Ward.
Fine, so we burn them all and then we murder that wretched bitch.
Lethal thorns, resurrected witches... what could possibly go wrong?
You actually think you can pull this off?
I don't know.
I've never actually tried this before.
Freya, there are a thousand years of memories in there.
How will you know which is the right one?
He'll recognize me.
If I can find the core of his being or whatever memory he's clinging to,
I'll pull him out.
[wind howling]
Tillate ulaz. 
Tillate ulaz.
Tillate ulaz. 
Tillate ulaz.
Tillate ulaz.
[gasps]
Now, that is messed up.
The first thing you do after being reborn is you massacre the witches who've been following your crazy ass.
They lived to serve.
They can die doing the same.
Glory awaits those who sacrifice their blood to me.
I wonder... how will you serve me?
You've been inside my head.
You know that's never gonna happen.
That's not all I know.
You've come here in the hopes of saving Sofya.
How gallant.
She served me well.
But my magic has overrun her body, an infection that will destroy her.
Although...
I could save her.
If... you pledge your loyalty to me.
I didn't come to make a deal.
I came for your blood.
- [gasps] - [neck crunches]
[crunching] [yells]
[coughs] [sizzles] [coughs]
[screams]
Suivre kre nan. 
Suivre kre nan.
Suivre kre nan.
Suivre kre nan.
[gasps]
Can I interest anyone in a swift and painless death?
Oh, come now, Beks.
Do we have to be so swift?
KLAUS: 
Sadly.
[whimpers]
Lucky for you lot, we're in a rush.
[gasps]
ELIJAH: 
Niklaus, do not make another move.
I gave my word.
KLAUS: 
You tend to give your word at the most inopportune times, brother.
We've been doing things your way all day.
Come on, just one little snap and it's toodle-oo, Agnes.
ELIJAH: 
Leave her.
[cries out] [cries out]
No one hurts my family and lives.
- [gasps] - [neck crunches]
ELIJAH: 
No one. 
Elijah?
Elijah... [voices crying out]
[grunts, groans] [crashing, shouting]
[wind whistles]
Like stealing candy from babies.
Yes, but I'm not finished with this one.
Well, hurry up.
We still have more ground to cover.
What is the point of interrogation?
We know their motives.
New Orleans witches despise our family.
They always have.
Because you are beasts.
Evil atrocities against nature.
Your kind has ruined this city.
Yes.
I'm the worst of the worst.
So tell me, is your master going to save you from me?
[laughs]
Go ahead, kill me.
My life ends for a greater cause than you can ever fathom.
The Hollow has risen.
Nothing can stop her.
Not you, not even the Ancestors, despite what they might claim.
The Ancestors?
[cries out]
I thought he'd never shut up.
Is it true?
Are the Ancestors back?
Why didn't you tell me?
I could have seen her.
Do you think I would deny you that happiness?
I was trying to protect you, brother.
Davina Claire is much changed, and not for the better.
- You're lying.
- None of this matters anyway.
Because the only people capable of contacting her are the Harvest Girls Elijah murdered in cold blood!
- Kol!
- Leave him.
We've got work to do.
[music, laughter] [indistinct voices]
[laughter]
You liar. 
You swine.
Well, it certainly took me a long time, but I finally found it.
No, no, no, that Bordeaux was a gift from the Duke of Burgundy.
Yes, a very lovely gift, intended to be shared on a special occasion.
KOL: 
Perhaps, say, a family dinner that did not end with one of us getting daggered.
ELIJAH: 
Indeed, indeed.
It's more than worth the indulgence.
Yes, to my beloved siblings.
Together beneath one roof for the first time in centuries, with neither an argument nor a grievance to be found.
- MEN: 
Cheers.
- Cheers to that.
[laughter] [voice echoing]: 
Elijah.
Oh, that is lovely.
It's me.
KLAUS: 
As was the Duke of Burgundy.
[indistinct conversation]
Elijah.
[panting]
Freya, what's wrong?
I thought I found him, but he just vanished right in front of me.
That's not our only problem.
I can't search Elijah's mind and sustain a spell at the same time.
What if you sent me in?
That would require more power.
You stay here and anchor the spell.
He'll respond to me.
Send me in, Freya, I can find him.
Nobody's closer to Elijah than I am.
To place you into the pendant,
I would need to channel another witch.
A powerful one.
Born of my family's bloodline.
Hope. 
No. 
She's too young for this.
She's young, but she's strong.
Stronger than I was at her age.
Hayley, I would never hurt my niece, ever.
Marcel?
- [gasps] 
- Oh!
That's a peculiar place for a nap.
It wasn't like I had a choice.
You're fighting a one-man war, Marcellus.
Doesn't seem to be going very well.
Perhaps next time you'll honor our alliance and inform me of your tactics.
Look, I don't need to inform anyone of my tactics, especially you.
Well, if they're this ill-conceived, perhaps you could do with my help.
Well, I love it when you two bicker.
We did come here for a reason.
Ah, yes.
The Hollow's weapon.
The magically crafted source of all our current misery.
Magic... 
I need that.
- Give it to me.
- Have you lost your mind, or has the Hollow stolen it from you again?
Children, please use your words.
- You're out of order.
- Those thorns are made with my blood and the Hollow's magic,
- so give it to me!
- Stop it, both of you!
Elijah is gone, we are under attack, and we cannot defeat our enemy with you two
- at each other's throat.
- She's right.
Look, I'm not gonna give the thorns to the Hollow.
I want them for something else, and I don't need them to hurt you.
So unless you want me to prove that...
Marcel, please.
Do you really want to fight the both of us, after everything that we have endured?
We need your help.
We need to destroy all of the thorns so we can end this once and for all.
What, do you mean there's more?
Yes, we cleared the Quarter, but there's still one in Gentilly.
So if we go together...
Nice job, sister.
Perhaps next time less carrot, more stick.
You don't have to do this if you don't want to.
It's okay. 
I'm not afraid.
Ready?
So he's just in there somewhere, clinging to broken memories?
The core of his being has retreated deep into his subconscious, but, yes, he's still in there.
And I just search until I find him?
You don't have time.
There are too many memories for you to randomly search.
You have to think, where would Elijah find refuge?
It has to be somewhere that represents the fundamental basis of who he is.
Hopefully, that's a good place.
When you find it, draw him out and wake him up.
But be careful, his mind is unstable.
Mom?
Be careful.
I'll be right back, sweetie.
FREYA: 
Tillate ulaz. 
Tillate ulaz.
BOTH: 
Tillate ulaz. 
Tillate ulaz.
Tillate ulaz. 
Tillate ulaz.
[indistinct whispers]
Come on, Elijah, where are you?
[man screaming] [screaming continues]
[man grunting] [metal clangs]
[flesh ripping, pained cries] [growling] [pained screaming]
[panting]
Your hair.
I changed it.
ELIJAH: 
Yeah.
I missed you.
Let me go get dressed.
[sighs]
HAYLEY: 
Elijah.
It's me.
I know you're here.
Look at me.
REBEKAH: 
All right, I've had enough of your condescending cold shoulder.
- Talk to me.
- KLAUS: 
And do what?
State the obvious? 
That your feelings for Marcel have left you compromised.
Even now when your family needs you the most, he's got you wrapped around his little finger.
You're filled with grief and you're lashing out, but you know what?
He's my brother, too, and I am just as hurt and just as scared without him here.
Well, then you should go.
I'll find the thorns myself, butcher my way through this entire city if that's what it takes, and if it turns out Marcel has taken them,
I'll deal with him as well.
Oh, lovely, you're sounding like your old self.
Well, someone has to protect this family.
And there it is.
The excuse that you always use.
You know, if you're so determined to be this way, then everything that Elijah has done for you, including his death, will be for nothing.
[man screaming]
Must be in here.
[man screaming]
[door closes]
[man crying softly]
Elijah?
I'm here to help you.
[gasps]
Elijah.
Hey.
Elijah, wake up.
It's me.
Elijah!
Stop! 
Stop!
I appreciate you meeting with me.
And I'd like to make it worth your while.
Dark Objects.
The most powerful trinkets in New Orleans.
And this... this is not even half of what I have.
We're Harvest Girls. 
We know what Dark Objects are.
What do you want for them?
I want to talk to Davina Claire.
Now, I know what you're thinking.
Why help a Mikaelson?
Your brother murdered us.
I am not my brother.
I have been a friend to witches for centuries.
I... 
I even taught you lot how to make these things.
There's no reason we can't go back to old times.
We know better than to trust vampires.
The Hollow is the real enemy here, not me.
Now, like it or not, we are all in this together.
But trust me when I say I make a better friend than foe.
Take the Objects. 
Just please let me talk to her.
You Mikaelsons come around asking for favors, threatening, manipulating.
That's why we're gonna make sure you never see Davina Claire again.
Let me talk to her now!
[shouting]
- [grunts] - [bones snap]
MARCEL: 
You guys put up a good fight.
I respect that.
Still, at the end of the day, too little... too late.
And that is the last one.
I suppose I should say thank you for your hard work.
Don't make me fight you, Rebekah.
If you want this, you'll have to.
- Let it go.
- You know I won't.
If you desire a weapon that can kill us, then you're a threat.
That's just your paranoia, all right?
Not everything is a plot against you.
Then why seek the thorns at all?
Because there's more at risk than just your family, all right?
The magic in those thorns can save someone that I care about.
All right? 
You can burn the other ones, just give me that one!
What's her name?
Her name is Sofya.
There was a time when you'd have gone to these lengths for me.
KLAUS: 
Rebekah.
Come on, Nik.
I know that look well.
He's fighting for love.
When you're done saving your precious Sofya...
Yeah, of course. 
I'll burn it myself.
FREYA and HOPE [chanting]: 
Tillate ulaz.
Tillate ulaz.
Tillate ulaz. 
Tillate ulaz.
[panting]
Freya!
BOTH: 
Tillate ulaz. 
Tillate ulaz.
Freya!
[shouts] [panting]
[branch snaps]
Elijah.
Please. 
Stop!
BOTH: 
Tillate ulaz. 
Tillate ulaz.
Tillate ulaz.
- Mom!
- Tillate...
Hope, stop!
Aunt Freya, please, do something!
Hope, I need you to focus on the spell.
[grunts] [panting]
I'm not trying to fight you.
I'm just trying to bring you home.
[Hayley grunts]
[screams, grunts] [grunting]
FREYA: 
Tillate ulaz.
Tillate ulaz. 
Tillate ulaz.
- Come back, Mom, come back!
- Tillate ulaz.
Tillate...
Hope. 
Hope.
If we don't maintain the spell, we could lose her in there.
- Let me help. 
I can save her.
- Now, listen, I need you to trust me.
This is what we're gonna do.
I'm gonna put you inside the pendant.
When you're in there,
I need you to call out to your mom. 
Okay?
Now, when you're in the hallway, do not open any doors.
Do you understand?
Okay.
[softly]: 
Okay. 
Hey.
Lay down, okay?
I'll see you soon.
Tillate ulaz.
Tillate ulaz. 
Tillate ulaz.
Tillate ulaz.
Mom?
I'm here.
[both grunting] [yells]
HOPE: 
Mom?
Where are you, Mom?
Hope!
Stay there!
[both grunt]
HAYLEY: 
Hope!
[panting]
[grunting]
[crashing, grunting] [panting]
Please don't do this.
Please don't do this.
Please don't do this.
- [grunts] 
- Please. 
Please!
Mommy!
[Hayley gasps]
HOPE: 
Mom?
I can't find you.
Hope.
Stay there.
Mommy's coming.
Hayley.
Are you okay?
I'm okay. 
I'm okay.
Where's Elijah?
ELIJAH: 
I'm right here.
You need to leave. 
This isn't safe.
It's okay.
It's me.
Go home, baby.
Tell Freya it's safe to fix the pendant.
[wind whistling, indistinct whispers]
Please forgive me.
FREYA and HOPE: 
Leigheas brotin. 
Leigheas brotin.
Leigheas brotin.
- Leigheas bro...
- [gasps]
Mommy!
[gasping]
FREYA: 
You did it.
You saved him.
Good work today.
He's not back yet.
I don't suppose you could drop him into another body.
I can't risk it, not after what he's been through.
His original body is where he belongs, and now that his mind is stable within the pendant,
I can bring him back.
I just need a large enough sacrifice.
You're thinking what I'm thinking?
Kill the Hollow, save our brother.
Happy to do the dirty work.
Assuming it's even possible.
If it's not, we're going to have to consider alternatives.
Such as?
I know you don't want to hear it, but if we have to choose between Marcel and Elijah... [sighs] it's not a choice.
Well, top-notch day, huh?
At least you got that thorn stake, right?
I mean, that's a win.
If we're lucky, Vincent can siphon off the power.
Help Sofya, then it's a win.
Well, you don't sound all that optimistic.
Is this about Sofya or Rebekah?
Klaus used to tell me that having power made you a target.
Having allies made you vulnerable, so choose.
You can have one or the other, power or friends.
You know that's psychotic, right?
Yeah, but then... maybe there's some truth to it, too.
Well, for what it's worth... pretty glad you're my friend.
I mean, whatever's coming, whatever this city's gonna face, the Hollow, the Mikaelsons,
I know that you will do the right thing.
I've never doubted that.
♪ ♪
The Hollow's unlike anything we've ever faced before.
There's a... a darkness to her, coldness.
And I'll tell you, Josh, as strong as I am, she took me down like I was nothing.
I can't do this on my own.
We're gonna need all the allies we can get.
Vincent, Sofya... 
Klaus.
Even Rebekah.
Or else this fight's over before it starts.
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ I can't have what's not mine ♪
♪ I know the rules... ♪
From what I hear, you saved the day.
I wouldn't say that.
Ah, I see.
So you ventured inside my brother's shattered mind, and it wasn't all unicorns and rainbows.
♪ From someone else's eyes... ♪
I went through the Red Door.
♪ Ooh, ooh... ♪
I tried to save him, but the things I saw, the innocent people, the slaughter.
I really thought that I would find him in a good place, but he chose the darkest part of himself.
You know what we are.
♪ Ooh... ♪
We're, all of us, monsters.
We've committed countless atrocities over the years.
But Elijah... has only ever done those things for family.
And that is why he's the very best of us.
♪ I can't have what's not mine... ♪
He always has been.
♪ I know the rules ♪
♪ But I forget them every time. ♪ [sighs]
Suppose everybody's celebrating Elijah's rescue?
One big happy family?
Something like that.
You should be here, too, you know.
Well, everybody got what they wanted.
At least we have each other.
Kol...
I'm going to stay in New Orleans.
At least until we see this through.
Can I convince you to do the same?
I don't think I can.
I'm not in the mood for games, witch.
What if I told you I could bring Davina back to life?
For a price, of course.
[woman screams nearby]
Davina!
Davina.
Kol.
Some would go to the ends of the Earth to protect their love.
You let her go
- or I will rip you apart.
- I wouldn't do that.
She and I are now linked.
So, if you want to keep her safe, then you belong to me.
♪ ♪

Previouly on Nashville...
- You know Jessie Caine?
- Yeah for along time.
Nice to see you.
- You want to sign her.
- I got a feeling about her.
You're close with Rayna's daughter, Maddie, aren't you?
I got a song I think would be great for her.
I'm happy to pass it along.
She just doesn't think that it's quite right for her.
What if I record the song and I put it on my album.
- Give me your wallet.
- Here's my wallet.
You too.
Look what you've done, those are my shoes!
Get on your knees.
[Gasps]
- Morning.
- Morning.
Thank you for staying over.
Sure.
- How's your head?
- It really got hit hard.
Oh, it's fine. 
Don't worry about me.
You all right?
E.M.T. said I was fine, so...
- Listen, the station called...
- I really think we should...
You go ahead.
Um, yeah... 
The station called, they wanted us to come back in, and look at some photos.
They caught the guy?
Yeah, a suspect, so...
I mean, not that that's amazing,
I just didn't think we'd have to see him ever again.
Makes my stomach turn.
Now, listen, you stay here. 
I'll go.
You shouldn't' have to go through all that again.
I got a better look at him anyway.
Thank you.
All right, can we go? 
I want to be early.
I never seen anybody in such a hurry to get to summer school.
They hang out before class.
That includes your boyfriend?
What boyfriend?
Flynn?
Flynn is not my boyfriend!
Well, that's good. 'Cause if he was,
I would need to have a long talk with that young man about his intentions.
Oh, God, please be kidding.
- [Phone Beep] 
- Claybourne, it's Hank Morris.
I heard through the grapevine you're talking about singing Jessie Caine.
Any truth to that? 
Call me.
Who's that?
Uh, just a manager looking for my... advice on something.
Who would want your advice?
You know, I think I might walk you into school today.
Oh, no, you won't!
J, I bow to you. "Water Rising" is on fire.
50,000 downloads since Monday and still climbing.
Back on top. 
Knew you could do it.
I think we all knew I could do it, but... whatever.
Well, the promo party on Friday is going to be insane.
We have Rolling Stone, Entertainment Weekly.
Pitchfork, CMT... 
Hey!
Hey. 
Sorry. 
Am I interrupting?
- No, not at all.
- Oh, hey!
I asked Maddie to pop in.
Because I kind of got a crazy idea on my run this morning.
And I wanted to pitch it to both of you.
So Maddie is singing at the Wildhorse Saloon tonight.
And I know it's a little bit last minute, but what if Juliette were to drop by for a little guest appearance?
That would be amazing.
That would be great.
Yeah? 
I was just thinking just a short moment near the end of the set, and maybe you two sing "Water Rising" together.
Oh... um, yeah, I mean, I love that song.
It's just, it's Juliette's, really,
I don't know if I could it much justice.
What are you talking about? 
Of course, you can.
We can sing it together.
Okay! 
That's such a dream to do that song with you.
You should meet Travis Stroud, the writer.
He is fantastic.
You're gonna be at the promo party Friday night, right?
- Of course.
- Okay. [Laughs]
All right, I should go. 
But I will see you guys tonight.
All right. 
Thanks for coming in, Maddie.
Awesome. 
That's gonna be cool.
Thank you so much for that.
You're welcome.
All right, take care. 
Hey, sweetie?
Tell Flynn I said hi. [Chuckles]
Hello?
- Jessie? 
It's Deacon.
- Hi.
I got a call from this manager, Hank Morris.
Wanted the scoop on you.
Oh, okay... 
So what's the scoop on me?
Ha, you tell me. 
When's your next show?
Um, I'm actually playing The Bluebird tonight.
- But it's just a small...
- No, that's perfect.
I'll just tell his office to get in touch for tickets then, okay?
Deacon, that's... thank you.
It's nothing. 
All right, take care.
Nothing. 
He's not there.
Are you sure?
Trust me, I'd know that little punk's face anywhere.
Okay.
[Cell Phone Rings]
Well, good morning, sunshine.
Hello?
Scarlett, what's wrong?
Scarlett?
Scarlett!
In here!
Okay, okay, I got you.
I got you, I got you.
It's okay. 
Let's go, let's go.
- Want me to call Gunnar?
- No.
No, I don't want to freak him out.
And I don't want him to freak me out.
Besides, a bunch of these sites are saying that bleeding can happen.
It doesn't necessarily mean anything's wrong.
O'Connor?
Hey, you two.
- Look, Mommy's home!
- Hi, baby!
What are these?
From Travis.
Huh.
Hey, Juliette, what's up?
I wanted to thank you for the gorgeous flowers.
The least I could do for the gal that made "Water Rising" a hit.
[Laughs] Hey, you're a Beck fan, right?
Or am I thinking about someone else?
No, that's me.
He's one of my all-time heroes.
Well, you know that he's playing at The Ryman on Friday night?
What? 
I had no idea.
I have a Google alert on him and everything.
I think it was a last-minute thing.
But I'm pretty sure I can get you in if you want.
Are you serious? 
Juliette, that would be amazing.
But... wait. 
Isn't your party that night?
It's gonna be so boring.
Please, I wouldn't go if I didn't have to.
Well, as long as you don't mind.
Oh, I don't mind.
I know it's hard. 
Just try to relax.
Is she okay?
I'm so sorry.
Your baby's heart has stopped beating.
Oh. 
No, no.
You can see there's no motion.
I'm gonna have my colleague come and confirm it to be absolutely certain.
- No, no.
- Hey. 
Shh...
I don't know what to do.
- Is she all right?
- She will be.
I can't believe this.
Take a breath, all right?
She's hanging in there, but if she sees you falling apart...
I won't, I won't.
You got this. 
Just go be with her. 
Be strong.
Scarlett?
I'm okay, It's okay.
What happens now?
I've got to wait here until she... comes out.
- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
- How are we doing in here?
- The same.
Hi. 
I'm Doctor Pine.
Is this 'cause of last night? 
Isn't it?
Last night?
I told the ER nurse what happened.
We were robbed. 
There was a guy with a gun.
He knocked her down.
I'm so sorry that happened.
When you fell, was it on your stomach or were you hit there?
- Not there.
- I was just terrified.
Of course. 
It must have been awful.
But it wouldn't affect your pregnancy.
How could it not?
I know it may be hard to believe, but it's true.
I've seen many patients through this ordeal.
Patients who are sure a certain event caused the miscarriage.
And I have to tell them that's not how it works.
Why?
It's difficult to pinpoint the exact cause.
Often it's a chromosomal problem.
If you'd like, we can do a test to see if that was the case.
But I can tell you, it's not because of anything you did or didn't do.
- [Groans] 
- Can you give her something?
- Scarlett knows her options.
- I don't want anything...
- But you're in pain.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
I need you to go. 
And take Deacon with you.
I can't have either of you in the room.
I need to do it on my own. 
Don't ask me why.
It's what I need. 
Please?
Okay. 
I'm not going home, though.
I'll be right outside.
Okay. 
Thank you.
[Cell Phone Rings]
- Hey.
- Jessie, I am so sorry.
I never got a chance to call Hank.
Something came up. 
It was an emergency.
Is everything okay?
My niece, Scarlett, I had to take her to the ER.
She's pregnant... she was pregnant.
- Oh, no.
- I'm sorry.
I wasn't even supposed to tell you that.
She doesn't want the girls to know.
No, that's okay. 
That's...
That's heartbreaking.
Yeah. 
And her mom is gone.
I'm her only family and trying to be there for her.
But I don't know what to say, you know.
Dad, come here.
Listen, I got to go. 
But I will call Hank, all right?
- I promise.
- No, no. 
That's okay, really.
And thank you.
You don't have to do that.
It's okay.
There are clean sheets in the...
Yeah, I know.
[Text Message Rings]
What is it?
Alyssa wanting to talk details about the Women's Clinic fundraiser.
Don't worry about that, okay?
I'll just tell her we can't do it.
Thank you.
Do you need anything?
Water or juice or something?
I just need to be alone.
I don't feel right just leaving you here.
It's what I need.
Okay.
Thank you.
Gunnar?
Please don't tell Alyssa about the baby.
I don't want anybody to know yet.
Of course.
Thank you.
[Sobbing]
["Beautiful Dream" Plays] ♪ Ooo ♪
♪ I wanna wake up here holding you darling ♪
♪ I wanna wake up feeling you Feeling you breathe ♪
♪ I know there's nothing about you that's real ♪
♪ But I keep on believing and seeing you ♪
♪ You and me in this beautiful dream ♪
- [ Crowd Cheers] 
- Thank you, guys.
Thank you so much.
Thank you. 
Thank you.
Okay, guys, I am so excited for this next song.
We got someone really special here tonight.
An artist I have admired since I was old enough to download my own music.
Please welcome Juliette Barnes!
["Water Rising" Plays]
♪ When it's swim or sink ♪
♪ When trouble's up ahead And there ain't nothing left ♪
♪ But gut instinct ♪
♪ To get you out alive ♪
♪ No time for second guessin' ♪
♪ Ain't even a question ♪
♪ Hey when the water's risin' ♪
♪ When the flood gates open Ain't no slowing' ♪
♪ You're the one I'm findin' ♪
♪ Hey when the sun ain't shining' ♪
♪ When it's over my head ♪
♪ As dark as it can get ♪
♪ You're the silver linin' ♪
♪ When the water's risin' ♪
♪ When the water's risin' ♪
♪ When the water's risin'... ♪
So what's going on with the Cops?
- They find the guy?
- Nope.
Bastard's just gonna get away with it.
Yeah. 
I know how that feels.
When those guys jumped in Jackson Park,
I was on edge for weeks.
It sucks, but it'll get better.
It's not like what happened with you, man.
This was a stupid kid.
I could have taken him!
You said he had a gun.
Yeah, but I could've gotten it away from him.
I saw it all in my head, right?
I use my left hand to make sure the gun's away from Scarlett.
I smash his nose with my right. 
I grab him and move...
Yeah, I saw that movie too.
I don't think it works that way in the real world.
Yeah, I should have at least tried, man.
- You had her to think about.
- Yeah, exactly.
He could have done anything to her.
I just stood there too scared to move.
You did what anyone would do.
And he didn't do anything to hurt her... that's the point.
You did the smartest thing you could possibly do in that situation.
And truth is, you both got out of it okay.
Never mind. 
You weren't there.
- Gunnar?
- I'm going to bed.
[Gun Cocks]
Get on your knees.
[Gasping]
Excuse me?
Oh, gosh. 
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to bother you.
- Do I know you?
- No, um...
You're Jessie Caine.
Hi.
I have two of your albums.
Oh, thank you. 
Um...
I've been talking about signing with your uncle.
Oh, okay, I got it.
He actually doesn't live here anymore. 
Sorry.
Right, I know.
I'm so sorry.
I was just gonna leave that and go.
Deacon had mentioned that you weren't feeling well.
And I just wanted to do something.
But it was really stupid.
And I'm just gonna go...
Deacon told you?
He did not mean to, really.
It slipped out. 
And, um...
It's just I...
I have been through that myself, twice.
And there were certain things that actually helped.
Like there's some raspberry leaf tea in there.
Iron and calcium tables.
Oh, I included the new "Ghostbusters" DVD just for like a distraction.
But, anyway, I'm gonna stop talking now.
I'm really sorry, again.
Wait.
You said this happened to you twice?
Once when I was 20.
And then again, when my husband and I were trying to start a family, and... it was so hard and lonely.
I guess I just hated the idea of somebody else feeling that way.
But I truly did not mean to bother you.
You want to come in?
So I fall back and I instantly know
I'm gonna be the guy who died trying to crowd surf.
But they caught me, thank God.
I'm just jealous of the folks who got to put their hands all over you.
I wish I could be there to celebrate you tonight.
Not me.
I am doing just fine without you.
Hey, J? 
Maddie's here.
- Okay. 
Can I call you back?
- Sure.
Will you give us a minute, please?
- Hey!
- Hey.
Sorry, is this a bad time?
I know you're getting ready.
Not at all. 
What's up?
I just... it's about my show the other night.
It was so awesome of you to do that.
I don't want you to ever feel like pressured into it.
You've just done so much for me, and I don't want it to ever seem like
I'm using you or anything.
Stop. 
You don't have to do this.
I was thrilled to do your show.
- Really?
- [Text Message Rings]
You just left kind of quickly, so I didn't know.
No, I'm just preoccupied with doing the new album, and everything like that.
Yeah. 
It must be crazy right now.
But we should sit down and talk soon.
Really talk.
Is everything okay?
Everything's fine.
Just want you to know how important you are to me.
Well, I would love that.
Just let me know whenever you're not busy.
Which, clearly, you are right now.
So I'll see you at the party.
Thanks for stopping by.
I didn't think I knew anyone this had happened to.
And then I found out my mom, my sister-in-law, and a girl I went to high school with all went through it, but they just hadn't talked about it.
None of my family know except Deacon.
And I just can't bear to think of the looks on their faces when I got to tell them that word.
Miscarriage, like you dropped something.
Yeah, like you're supposed to do something right and you couldn't.
Might as well just call it failure.
I was convinced that it was my fault for sleeping on my stomach.
And I treated myself like a criminal.
And it was my mom who finally got through to me.
And she said to take some of that love that I felt for my baby boy, and turn it in towards myself.
Like, show myself some of that tenderness.
Of course, it wasn't that simple.
- And it took a really long time.
- Yeah.
But I do think that I had to forgive myself before I could actually start grieving.
I got no memories.
I never even got to tell her her name.
All I got is the blanket they wrapped her in when they handed her to me, because I asked to see her.
Sorry.
No, don't say sorry. 
I get it.
And, I don't know, it's hard to know how to say goodbye to somebody that you've never met.
And I wish that there was some magic words of wisdom that I could share with you.
Oh, no, it's okay.
There's no reason for you to think that you're not gonna become a mom.
Yeah, the doctor said that.
Sure. 
My doctor told me that too.
But I was not able to hear it.
So I'm telling you, okay?
And don't be like me and go on WebMD at three in the morning, and convince yourself that you've got an incompetent cervix.
A what?
Yeah. 
Probably the most insulting medical term
- in the world, right?
- That ain't a thing.
- It is a for real medical term.
- Oh, my goodness!
All I can think of is a little cervix sitting in the corner with a little dunce cap on.
[Laughing]
- Hey.
- Hi.
Hey.
Get off me!
- Remember me, huh?
- Get off me!
What you got now?
Come on, man! 
You don't wanna do this!
You too scared to fight like a man?
You know what you did?
You know what you did, you son of a bitch?
No, please! 
I'm sorry! 
I'm sorry!
Please don't hurt me!
Please don't hurt me!
♪
- Go ahead.
- What?
Say what you want to say.
I'm just surprised, that's all.
You always drop in on people like that?
I was not dropping in.
I left something for her. 
I was walking away.
She came out. 
We got to talking.
I get it, yeah.
So you think I shouldn't have come.
- Didn't say that.
- But...
You don't think she might have felt a little invaded or angry over that at all?
She wasn't supposed to see me.
Yeah, well, you left something, A.
- And, B, she did see you, so...
- Okay. 
Well, I don't think that she would have invited me in if she were angry.
I'm not talking about her being angry with you, Jessie.
I'm talking about her being angry with me, for sharing her private business with a complete stranger.
Well, I explained that you didn't mean to tell me.
And I'm sorry.
I don't understand why you would reach out over something that's so personal.
Because it's personal to me too, Deacon.
I've lost pregnancies and I wanted her to know that someone out there understood.
- I'm sorry, Jessie.
- I didn't... 
I'm sorry.
- It's fine.
- You didn't know.
- But I gotta go.
- Jessie...
You know, I had it in my head that you and I were more than just strangers.
I was starting to think of you as a friend.
You know, I think for all of us, we just wanted to have fun with this new album.
And get past all the pain and celebrate.
- Your evolution.
- Something like that.
Oh, my God.
Are you the Man in Black in the commercial?
That's me!
Oh, you and that dog are so cute.
Well, the dog was cuter.
Well, that dog wouldn't stop humping my leg.
Excuse me for a minute, please.
Travis! 
Hey! 
What are you doing here?
Oh, the Beck show finished early.
And I just wanted to come say thank you again.
Oh, that is so sweet! 
I think you need a cocktail.
They made a specialty one tonight called Watermelon Rising. 
How cute is that?
And then we'll catch up later, okay?
- Hey girl!
- Hey!
Are you having fun?
Yeah, so much fun.
- You feel all right?
- Yeah, why?
You look a little flushed.
You don't have the thing that's been going around, do you?
Oh, God, I hope not.
You feel a little warm to me.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Have you been getting enough sleep?
Probably not.
You know what?
I love that you have come to support me.
But you need to take care of yourself, especially with everything that you have coming up.
- Just go home and get some rest.
- Okay.
Honestly, my feet have been killing me anyways.
I feel you, girl.
- Well, I love you.
- Love you.
- Congratulations again.
- Thank you.
[Phone Buzzes]
Thank you.
- Maddie Jaymes?
- Travis Stroud.
Hi. 
Oh, my gosh, so nice to meet you.
You have written some of my favorite songs.
Well, as long as you keep flattering me,
I guess I can forgive you for passing on this one.
- Wait. 
Sorry. 
What?
- I'm kidding.
J said it didn't light your fire... 
I get it.
I'd love to work with you one of these days, though.
All right, squeeze in.
Let someone with longer arms do this.
How could you? 
I knew something was off.
And you convinced me it was all in my head!
Because you're so preoccupied, right?
Maddie, please, can we just talk about this outside?
No!
There's nothing to talk about, liar.
Hi.
Thought you needed to be alone.
I did... 
I do, but I know you're hurting too, and you didn't answer phone,
I just had to come and see if you were okay.
Well, I'm not.
All I want to do is be there for you, Scarlett.
But I can't even do that.
And I need to know why?
Why won't you let me take care of you?
Let me in like you did before?
- Gunnar...
- And it's my fault!
How am I supposed to be okay when it's my fault?
Hey, hey, Gunnar.
Look at me. 
You look at me.
It was not your fault. 
It was not.
It just happened.
What about us?
Not my fault, but that just happened?
I know this has been really hard on you.
Being pregnant made me question everything about my future.
Suddenly I was thinking about spending the rest of my life with you.
And raising a family together.
I was so scared of making the wrong choice.
I'm scared too, but we can get through this together.
You're everything to me.
That's what makes it so hard.
A lot of the time it feels like
I am the only thing that keeps you happy.
And then...
I can't be what you want me to be.
And I make you miserable.
- And then I hate myself...
- Scarlett, you...
I know I can't carry that weight anymore.
I can barely carry myself.
I hardly know which way is up, let alone what I want.
I can't let you wait around while I figure it out 'cause...
It hurts too much.
Hey.
Hey, man.
Where are you now?
Uh, New Orleans. 
It's been a blast.
Heading to Texas.
Sounds great.
How's everything? 
How's it going?
Sorry dude, Will asked you to call, didn't he?
Well, he's worried about you.
Join the club.
Gunnar, come on, man. 
What's going on?
- Talk to me.
- Where do I start?
I haven't slept in three days.
Scarlett and I are taking some time.
Whatever the hell that means.
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
I don't know. 
I just...
I don't know what to do with myself.
I feel like I'm going crazy.
Come to Texas.
- Shut up.
- No, I'm serious.
You could play some shows with us.
Or just come along for the ride.
Change of scenery might do you good.
Oh, no, she didn't!
Sparks and cocktails flew at Juliette Barnes' single release event this weekend when up and comer Maddie Jaymes attacked Barnes with a drink...
We have to address it.
And what, tell them that I took the song for myself?
That I'm a heartless... bitch.
- But one thing is clear...
- [Tv Turns Off]
The good news is she hasn't gone to the press yet.
Nobody knows what actually happened.
So if you two can bury the hatchet, maybe we can keep it that way.
[Knock On Door]
It's open.
Figured I should come and get some of my stuff.
Okay.
I can not be here if you prefer.
You can be here.
Oh, I did want to ask you.
I was thinking I might actually would like to do the fundraiser.
But I know we haven't talked about how we're gonna do shows.
And I didn't want you to feel like you had to...
You should do it.
Without you? 
Is that okay?
It's gonna have to be, yeah. 
I'm going to Texas.
Texas?
I'm gonna join Avery on the road.
Got my own stuff to figure out.
You know, you were right.
I've been so wrapped up in us for so long.
I need to figure out who I am.
Hey.
Hey babe. 
Is Maddie here?
Sorry. 
She's not available right now.
I know she's angry. 
And she has every right to be.
I can't even explain why I did what I did.
When I heard that song, I felt like it had to be mine.
And Maddie already had a hit, a big one.
And I felt like that song was my ticket back.
I knew what I was doing, and I did it anyway.
There's no excuse.
Just really sorry.
I'll give her the message.
Okay.
She seems like she really means it.
You wanna tell me about it?
It was nothing.
I was just upset about something.
You must have been pretty upset, because I don't recall you ever throwing a drink
- in someone's face before.
- Dad, please.
Look, sweetheart, I know how Juliette can get, all right? 
So... just tell me what she did.
I really think this is something
I need to handle on my own.
Okay.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Just so you know, Scarlett invited me here.
I'm not just dropping by.
Okay, yeah, I deserve that. 
I do.
I'm sorry, okay?
Forget about it, really.
No, I blew it all out of proportion.
You're there, you're doing this nice thing,
- and I do that...
- It was too much.
You confided in me about your niece.
And the next thing you know, I'm bringing her tea.
What kind of weirdo does that?
A kind weirdo?
I just think I blurred the lines between professional and personal.
Which, you know, has worked out great for me in the past.
- But, uh...
- It wasn't just you, Jessie.
I shouldn't have said anything about Scarlett or...
No, it was good that it happened that way.
Because it made me realize that
I don't think I should sign with Highway 65 even if you wanted me to.
Just wanting to keep some work boundaries if that makes any sense.
I think so, yeah.
- Oh, here you are.
- Thank you.
- Maddie? 
Daphne?
- This is Jessie.
- Hi.
- Hey.
She's an artist that Zach and I have been talking with, and a friend.
Awesome. 
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.
I love your necklaces.
- Thank you. 
I love yours.
- Thank you.
There's Scarlett. 
Bye.
It was nice to meet you.
Nice meeting you.
- They're lovely.
- Jessie!
- Yeah, they are.
- Oh, I'm gonna go.
- Yeah, sure, okay.
- A friend over there.
- See you in a little bit.
- Talk to you later.
Oh, my God, it's been so long.
How are you? 
How is the baby?
Um...
I got to tell you guys something.
And now the moment you've been waiting for.
Put your hands together for Scarlett O'Connor of The Exes!
Hello, everybody.
Thank you so much for coming tonight.
It really does mean a great deal to me.
When I was in school, we had a class about the birds and the bees.
And basically the lesson in that class
- was just don't do it.
- [Laughter]
Nothing about when things got more complicated.
Because, of course, birth control and stis were just too taboo to talk about.
And that never set well with me, which is how
I ended up in the principal's office.
That kind of stigma leaves us in the dark.
Our medical needs become this dirty secret.
So when we need help, we often ourselves struggling alone.
But we're not alone.
And that is why it is so important to fight for our rights, and to share our stories.
Be a really scary feeling to say out loud that I have an STI.
Or I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do.
Or I had a miscarriage.
I had a miscarriage one week ago.
So in a way, I am here saying this for her, for my daughter, because I imagined a future for her that was absolutely limitless.
And the only way we can get there is to strip away the secrecy and the shame.
Because that is what makes us stronger.
♪ Follow the wonder in your heart ♪
♪ Let love heal the broken parts ♪
♪ Drink up the sun, breathe in the air ♪
♪ Carry hope everywhere ♪
♪ Keep keep me close ♪
♪ Hold hold me tight ♪
♪ Keep keep me close ♪
♪ As the days go by ♪
♪ Life is right before our eyes ♪
♪ We say hello we say goodbye ♪
♪ But we will always be together ♪
♪ For you for me forever ♪
♪ Let your light ♪
♪ Shine shine shine ♪
♪ You'll always be ♪
♪ Mine mine mine ♪
♪ Life is right before our eyes ♪
♪ We say hello we say goodbye ♪
♪ But we will always be together ♪
♪ It all happens so fast ♪
♪ Let's make this moment last ♪
♪ For you for me ♪
♪ Forever ♪

Previously on Cardinal...
They found a body.
It's not my department anymore.
It's a child.
They think it might be her.
We're gonna throw everything we have at this, Dorothy.
You said that before.
Then you gave up.
If I make you the lead on this,
I need to know that you're not gonna drift.
Now her right eye, four abrasions, two upper, two lower.
They could be from a speculum to keep her eyes open.
Katie Pine wasn't this guy's first victim.
He stalked her.
And who does that?
A repeater.
I should come home.
Catherine.
Why so much this time?
I mean, there's a rumour our department's under investigation.
It's gotta be a dirty cop or we'd handle it internally.
You'll know the name Kyle Corbett, controls the bulk of the drug trade north of Toronto.
Someone from our side is feeding Corbett information.
Find the link between Cardinal and Corbett.
Listen, we don't know Cardinal's done anything wrong.
That's right.
If he's dirty,
I'm not getting in your way but right now, this nightmare... whatever else Musgrave has you doing, this is your priority.
Clear?
I need to go to Toronto for the autopsy.
I'll come with you.
It's not necessary.
You've been up all night.
You could use a co-pilot.
We leave in half an hour.
Okay.
What do I tell your mom?
She keeps calling.
I can't go.
I won't be back in time.
All right. 
Just the whole clan will be there.
She made that clear.
All the cousins.
I know.
Sugar shack, sing-alongs, mulled wine.
We don't drink mulled wine.
So what do I tell her?
Tell her someone's murdering children.
It's my job to stop them.
Busy at work.
I'll let her know.
Since when do you want to see my family?
I don't know. 
It's been a while.
It might do you some good.
- Me?
- And me. 
Us.
Speaking of which, shouldn't we know something?
Sorry.
I-I should have told you.
Um, no.
No. 
I found out a couple days ago.
So we keep trying.
As tortuous as that process is for me.
It's not mulled wine.
It's got whiskey in it.
It's called caribou.
- Bye.
- Bye.
So your daughter lives in Toronto, right?
That's gotta be hard, being so far apart.
She grew up there.
She wanted to stay.
You didn't?
Algonquin Bay's my home.
Yeah but I mean you spent, what, ten years over there.
Decorated big city detective.
That's a lot to leave behind.
It was easy.
What does your wife do?
Hey. 
If you don't want to talk, suits me.
Or I could tell you what day Katie Pine was killed.
I was thinking about it last night.
The coroner said the petechial hemorrhaging was preserved because the tissue was frozen but we know from the melt water that it was above zero when Katie was dumped.
So it must have snapped cold soon after within three days or the tissue would have degraded.
I checked the weather records starting October 29th, the date she went missing.
It dropped below freezing on the eleventh of November.
So sometime between the eighth and the eleventh
Katie was killed and dumped.
He had her a week before he killed her.
Are both your parents French?
Interesting.
Rule of thumb.
If I ask a guy five questions before he asks one back, well then he's a douche and you just squeaked in under the wire.
What is your rule about answering?
Both French.
You want a coffee?
Yeah, black.
There.
That's two questions that I asked.
I forgot money.
Yeah, right.
Lise Delorme,
Dr. Len Torres.
Nice to meet you.
What happened there?
I was fixing a frozen pipe and I smacked my head.
This way. 
They're just pulling up.
You know that's not an issue anymore, right?
Frozen pipes?
Something the modern world has solved.
I had a raccoon in my crawl space and it tore out the insulation.
Now you're just making my point for me.
We leave them wrapped so we catch anything that might still be in the material, bullet fragments, weapons.
This is Dr. Torres.
Preliminary scan of subject 20089.
Multiple fractures to the seventh, fifth and fourth ribs.
Fractures of the ulna and the wrist bone.
They look like defensive wounds.
Did you get this?
Open fracture to the left collarbone.
Foreign objects entering the parietal bone, penetrating clear down and out the temporal.
Blunt force trauma to the skull.
Multiple blows.
What is this?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You okay?
Yeah.
It gets worse from here.
I'll be fine.
Lacerations on the thigh and upper leg on the right side.
Could be the work of pliers or wire cutters.
Some of this was frenzy violence but some if it was purposeful.
He was experimenting.
A spike in his head, pounded in, broken off.
Excuse me.
Audio tape.
My first time here was a subway jumper, woman in her fifties.
She got corkscrewed up under the wheels.
Legs backward, her whole side sheared off.
Are you trying to settle my stomach?
I gutted my way through the autopsy like a champion until
we found a piece of litter, one of those orange juice caps that pops when you, when you open it.
It had been driven through her cheek so it was half in, half... half out of her mouth.
And that's, that's when I lost it.
Then you got sick?
I passed out, hit the floor.
You didn't.
Ask Len.
Woke up with him flicking water in my face.
Listen. 
We can't do the internal work, until the body's thawed so you should go back to the hotel and get some sleep.
And what about you?
I
Daughter hotline.
She's-she's found some time in her busy schedule.
Are you here to see me or a dead body?
Why not both?
Hi.
Let's have a look.
Can we not here? 
Really?
Let me see. 
Let me see.
Happy?
I'm fine. 
Seriously.
You hungry?
Yeah.
When do you think she'll get out?
Soon.
You don't, you don't need to worry about that.
You know, she was feeling, a little out of balance but she caught it in time.
We're just-we're just being careful.
She called me, you know.
A couple weeks ago before she went in.
She called the school in the middle of the day and they pulled me out of class.
Thought it was an emergency but she just wanted to talk about plans for the spring, a hike she wanted to take and some mural she wants to paint?
She was all over the place.
I should have known that she was in trouble.
That's not her.
Yeah, I know.
She won't even remember making the call.
I don't know how you stay so patient.
They got something off the audio tape.
I'll pick you up.
Is that your new partner?
Yeah.
Dad, she's hot.
That's... she's-she's-
Hi.
Kelly, this is Delorme.
- Lise.
- Lise. 
Nice to meet you.
My pleasure.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Bye.
Hey, you should start running again.
Why?
'Cause you like it.
Okay bye.
There's a male's voice on the tape.
They think it's the killer.
Why do they think that?
There's a young girl's voice too.
He's taking pictures.
An SLR. 
Film.
Not digital.
Please.
What is that? 
What's that noise?
Just let me go.
Look at me, Katie.
Look right here.
Please don't... trying to be nice.
That's all we got.
It gives us his voice.
It connects the killings.
Why would he do that?
Maybe a mistake.
He didn't think we'd recover it.
Or he's escalating.
He wants to flaunt it.
My wife has bipolar disorder.
That's why we moved back.
I thought the slower pace would be good for her.
You were asking before.
I'm sorry. 
I had no idea that-
When Todd Curry went missing, he said he was going to visit his uncle but the uncle down in Hamilton said there was no such arrangement, hadn't talked to Curry in months.
Why the lie?
The officer in charge was Detective Peters.
If he knows then he didn't put it in his report.
We'll have to ask him.
He was classic runaway material.
I mean, drugs, troubles in school, no mom in the house.
Yeah but if you're running away, why make up a story?
How do you mean?
The cover story about going to his uncle's.
If the plan is not to come back, you don't need a cover story.
You just go.
Tell me your name again.
Lise Delorme.
Well Lise, maybe he wanted to buy some time to get out of town.
Yeah.
Or maybe he wasn't planning on being gone for long but he was doing something he wasn't supposed to so he lied.
What were his interests?
Concert in Toronto?
Out of town girlfriend?
Lucky for everyone involved you're on the case now.
Detective Peters didn't have any details about how Todd was killed.
Well we're just learning that.
Yep, but I mean, you must have some indication.
You're-you're the one who found him, right?
Yes.
Detective, don't make me fill in the blanks.
Early indications are that your son
was harmed before he died.
What does that mean? 
Harmed?
There are signs that...
Mr. Curry, it's easy to believe that these details will help you to move forward but that's not always the case.
That's not for you to decide.
I'm just suggesting that until we know more,
- you take the time...
- Listen to me.
You tell me what you know.
You tell me right now.
He was tortured and beaten
and degraded.
We don't know the precise cause of death because your son received so many injuries.
If you're taking off for good, you bring your laptop.
I'm telling you this kid didn't run away;
He went to do something.
Or meet someone.
Pack it up. 
Yeah.
Thanks.
I used to be good at that, talking to people about their dead.
The killer got Katie Pine out to Windigo Island before the lake froze.
So Hannam, check the marinas, all right?
Maybe he owns a boat.
More likely he wouldn't use his own so, something stolen, rentals.
Ask around see what pops up.
McLeod, pathology reports on Pine and Curry.
I want you to handle ViCLAS personally.
Compare it to past cases, anything with a torture element.
Start provincial then widen out, going back twenty years.
Twenty?
Twenty.
This guy's tech is old so maybe he is too.
Could be this isn't his first foray.
Last piece.
The audio guys pulled more detail out of the Katie Pine tape.
They've isolated the chirping of a seeing impaired traffic signal.
Delorme and I are on that.
Now listen, two victims, one from out of town, one local, no indication they knew each other, but somehow they were chosen.
Right?
So no clue too small.
Anywhere these kids might have gone, anyone they might have talked to, let's write it down, stick it on the board so we can find some crossover.
Late night, Fox?
Sorry sir. 
Kid's got croup.
Yeah. 
Well keep it in here.
And that goes for the rest of us.
All right? 
Out there, no yawning, no laughing, no checking Facebook on your break.
These people are grieving and they're scared and they're looking to us.
So let's be the cops they need to see.
I need you to go downtown and get a map of all the seeing impaired traffic signals.
Yeah.
Lise?
- Hey.
- Hey.
What are you doing here?
I had a meeting in the area.
Thought I'd take a chance, see if you were free?
I'm on my way out.
Um, Josh, John Cardinal.
The new partner.
I gotta say I had a different picture in my mind.
Yeah?
Lise said that you seemed older than your years, but I don't know, you don't look that old.
Cheers.
I'll walk you out.
I'll just grab my coat.
Yeah. 
I used to come visit her at work all the time when we first started dating.
Yeah. 
I'd bring her lunches, like hot lunches in those tiffin carriers.
- You know those things?
- No.
Like the-like those stacking, like metal tins from India? 
No?
Well, I-I was learning how to cook and she's my best client.
You're a, a chef?
No, no, no, no.
Hydrologist.
So how'd you end up partners anyway?
Did you decide that?
No. 
That, that comes from above.
Nice meeting you, John.
And you.
I noticed him when I was cooking dinner.
Didn't think much of it but then I looked half an hour later, he was still standing here.
Where exactly?
Right there.
Right about there.
That's when I realized he was staring into Dorothy's window.
I didn't want to worry her with it but I thought with everything I should call you.
Did you get a look at his face?
When I came out, he got on his machine and took off.
He was pulling a sled.
Should we tell Dorothy?
I'll take care of it.
Okay. 
Thank you.
Hey. 
We're going to grab a bite to eat.
You in?
I can't go until he does.
Well, that could take a while.
Home life can't be real enticing for him these days.
And you know about that?
Yeah. 
I was there.
Call came in, ADP down at Memorial, a couple weeks ago.
I pull up expecting to see some old lady in a robe, instead it's Catherine Cardinal.
Nice clothes, hair brushed but not well.
What kind of not well?
Delusional, agitated, not making any sense and, not happy to see me.
Did you bring her in?
No, are you kidding?
No. 
I called Cardinal and I tried to keep her off the ice till he got there.
He had to put her in a bear hug to get her in the car.
- Jesus.
- Yeah.
He asked me to keep this off the books so...
I got a bottle of scotch out of the deal anyway.
What's this?
Your mom dropped that by.
Yeah, why did my mom bring us a teddy bear?
I might have let it slip we're trying.
She was coming at me, Lise.
She was guilting me out about never visiting.
You know how she is, I panicked.
I just wanted the encounter to end.
Everyone's gonna know now.
Yeah, well is that the worst thing in the world?
What if it doesn't work?
Now we have to have that conversation twenty-five times.
It'll work.
This isn't your thing, Josh.
You don't make the decisions on your own.
Seriously? 
You're leaving?
Yeah. 
I need some air.
Dee, come on.
Where you off to, Ronnie?
Hey.
I just keep seeing her face staring up out of that ice.
I dream about her too.
Except then she's moving and trying to claw her way out.
Like she's angry.
How's her mom do it, Jerry?
How does she survive a thing like that?
Well, she's already been through hell, Ron.
You need to respect her space.
I just,
I don't know.
I want to keep an eye on her, you know?
I want to see her live through it.
You've already met Katie's spirit.
You need to honour her other half.
The girl she was.
This is soil from the fairgrounds,
the last place where she was seen alive.
I want you to keep it.
Go.
Yeah, sorry Sergeant.
I wouldn't have called if it wasn't important.
Just talk, Delorme.
Well our favourite detective is running some kind of two a.m. errand
and I'm tailing him.
Why?
I couldn't sleep. 
I was out driving.
I just saw him go by.
Okay, where are you?
Travelling north on Highway 12.
We just passed Tilden Lake.
He's alone.
What should I do?
Back off.
Stop the car and turn around.
It's too risky.
What?
A single person tailing a trained detective.
He'll spot you.
You're gonna tank the investigation.
Sergeant.
Stop the car and turn around, Delorme.
Those are your orders.
Yes, sir.
Hi.
The guy who was just here, he was making eyes at me all night.
Do you see him in here often?
I'm not supposed to talk about the clientele.
Gotcha.
He kept calling me his lucky charm.
I'm not here to be any arm candy,
I'm here to win.
So just tell me this,
I'm up two thousand dollars tonight.
Is he walking out of here with more than that?
'Fraid so.
By quite a bit.
Did you want to cash out?
Thanks.
I couldn't have been clearer.
I know, sir. 
I'm sorry.
I made a call.
Five years of my life I've been going after Corbett.
When I started my kid couldn't walk.
- Now she rides a bike.
- I understand.
So for you to just parachute in and jeopardize the whole goddamn thing, it displeases me.
Do you have a cigarette?
- I don't smoke.
- Bull.
I have a good nose.
It did pay off, though.
Last night, it shows how Cardinal launders his rat money.
He buys black market chips, cashes them in.
It's good!
Without a connection to Corbett, it's nothing.
- No...
- It's zero.
Why didn't you tell me his wife was sick?
What difference does it make?
I don't know. 
I'm trying to get in the guy's head.
His bank deposits, it could help. 
Did you look?
No, not an option.
The timing could help.
Let's get a warrant, check his accounts.
Delorme, no warrants!
I'll manage the case.
Stick to your job.
I gotta go.
Cardinal is waiting for me.
Good, you can,
I don't know, talk to him.
Make him your pal, Delorme.
Open him.
- Do you understand?
- Hey. 
Yes.
Do you understand how big this is?
I do.
Look, if this goes well,
it's gonna be good for you.
I'll see to it.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I don't know what your secret is.
What do you mean?
Cardinal. 
You've turned him right around.
He called you a promising young detective.
He did?
No, but he said you're not a complete waste of a badge.
It's a shame you're only here temporarily.
We could use more like you.
Struck by inspiration?
I was thinking about it.
You should come over to our place one night.
Josh is a pretty good cook.
This is your car.
Yeah.
Why?
You're gonna want to remove all the identifying features.
You make enemies in this job.
You don't want anything on your car might catch somebody's eye.
Do you mean that?
My whole league has those.
You see them everywhere.
Why'd you leave Financial Crimes?
You never did tell me.
Just grew out of it.
You won't see much of your team this season.
You're gonna have to clear your calendar.
Understood.
'Cause he won't stop,
Delorme.
Not until we stop him.
Nothing else matters.
Thanks.
Is that your guitar?
Yeah.
- You play it?
- Yeah.
Of course you do.
Sorry. 
Stupid question.
He's not interested, mutt.
Hey dude, come on.
You are interested?
My mistake.
What is that on your face?
Is that some kind of burn?
Hey man, mind your own business.
All right.
You're awfully concerned about her man, maybe you should be more worried about yourself.
Could be contagious.
Look, nobody was talking to you.
All right. 
Okay. 
Come on.
Have a good night, kids.
Thank you.
I seem to bring it out in people.
No, don't blame yourself, that guy was a head case.
Have a good night.
Can I ask you a favour?
I don't want to be here anymore.
Could you walk me home?
I don't feel safe with that guy out there.
I-I just...
My place isn't far.
I just ordered this drink. 
I'm sorry.
I could call you a cab if you want.
Don't bother.
Where's your friend?
You thought he was gonna walk you home like a gentleman.
Is that impossible to imagine?
You're asking the wrong questions.
It doesn't matter how nice he is.
It matters to me.
It shouldn't.
It can't.
Did you give it to him?
While you were insulting me.
We can still drive away, leave him behind.
Is that what you want?
We're doing this.

Feel like a proud show dog that didn't understand her days were numbered.
Like look at these things;
just like chicken skin.
What are you talking about?
Yours are okay.
Look, they're not winning any blue ribbons, okay?
But they stuck in there.
You know they maybe be a little deflated, but they're not throwing in the towel.
I like 'em.
I'm with you.
I mean, I'm not starring in a porno anytime soon, but I breast fed my first for five months and this is where they've landed.
I mean, it could be worse, right?
No, you know what, it could be better.
- It could be better.
- Look it could be better.
Okay.
I think we need to rein it in here, ladies.
After breastfeeding,
I think it's best that you put yourselves away.
I wasn't even breastfeeding.
It just looked refreshing.
- That's weird.
- You're weird, Alicia.
With your homemade diaper bag.
Baby Mabel likes her bag.
Baby Mabel does not like that bag.
She doesn't like anything yet.
Because she's a baby.
- She's a baby.
- Okay!
Today, I thought we'd talk about how many of you are coming up on the end of your maternity leave.
Kate, I overheard you're going back to work.
Are you excited?
Uh... yeah.
A little intimidated, I guess.
What's the trick?
To making all this work?
I'm trying to stay positive it's just...
Having it all seems a little...
Impossible.
I find the key is setting boundaries for yourself.
A good place to start is committing to being home for the evening routine.
Okay.
Anyone else feeling any back to work jitters?
This is a safe place?
Yeah. 
I've got my first open house today.
I'm not totally solid about it.
I think I might just have the teensiest little drop of postpartum.
Was driving this Morning and...
I fantasized that a car would just hit me, you know?
Just like...
Oh.
Take me away from all of this, you know.
Not kill me. 
I'm not suicidal.
- No.
- Just...
No, I'm sorry, guys, just leave me brain dead for like a week, you know.
Ten days... actually.
It just felt easier.
She's talking about a vacation?
Yes! 
Yes.
Like a brain dead vacation.
... the bear has been missing since last night.
Authorities are urging all surrounding neighborhoods to be cautious and to report all sightings...
Hm, yeah. 
Just for today maybe skip the park.
For Olly's sake and Charlie's.
So, I left a pretty detailed schedule.
But I will be back for bath time.
So, do not give him a bath.
Because I will be doing that.
- Babies like that, huh?
- Hey, that's a pretty song.
Why don't you try singing to him more.
I don't like singing.
I thought you had to get going.
I do... okay!
Mommy's gotta go to work and you can spend the day with Rebecca.
Yay. 
Rebecca!
Yay!
You're gonna be late.
Yup. 
I'm just saying goodbye.
It's a traditional custom here on earth.
- All right.
- We say goodbye.
All right. 
Goodbye. 
I love you.
- Bye.
- Bye bye.
Bye.
When you have a bond like this, hard to break to break it up.
They're gonna fire you, Kate.
All right, cool. 
Here we go.
Well, would you look who is off the bench.
Richard!
Great to see ya.
- Uh...
- Okay. 
Okay.
- All right. 
Okay.
- That's good.
Hard to believe you're somebody's Mommy now, huh?
Yeah, don't I know it.
Gotta say thought, it feels real good to be in here.
Oh, girls got you some cupcakes or something.
They're around here somewhere.
Did you want them, I can find them.
They're probably in the kitchen.
Oh I'm sorry, Ms. Foster.
I am your new assistant, Rosie.
Hey, hey, nice to meet you, Rosie.
You can call me Kate.
Kate. 
Kate, Kate, Kate. 
Okay.
So, HR tells me you have a room to do your...
Milking thing.
Yes, this office.
Oh, that'll...
That'll put on quite a show.
Yeah, I think I'll use the bathroom.
- Hmm.
- Hey, speaking of,
I hear Happy Farms Dairy is coming in.
Yeah.
President passed away leaving the wife in charge, and she's making a tour of PR firms.
Would love a chance to pitch.
Never felt closer to being a cow myself,
- so if it's not already...
- Covered?
Yeah, I've been researching Farms all week.
Kate, I want you to meet Mo.
He's a new VP.
VP, huh?
Mo Daniels. 
Vasero and Burns?
They poached me.
He's been firing on all cylinders.
Just try to live up to the legend of Kate Foster.
You've got quite a legacy around here.
Oh, thanks. 
Yeah.
I can't tell you how strange it is to get pregnant right at the top of my game.
Uh...
Yeah, the only thing that'd keep me out of these offices, would be a fire.
Yeah, well look, I know you've got it covered, but if you would like a female perspective today, with Happy Farms,
I'd be happy to be your second.
Hey, that sounds good. 
Mo?
Absolutely.
I'll send you some materials.
Great! 
Can't wait to sink my teeth in.
I'm gonna get some coffee in me.
See you guys at the meeting.
Yeah, yeah. 
Hey, it's the kitchen...
I know where the kitchen is.
Yeah, you already... know.
Um, so check with my girl.
I think the meeting is 4-ish.
Oh, and that'll run what, like an hour, or?
I don't know. 
Why?
You got somewhere to be?
Sorry yeah, I'm just trying to be home by bath... time.
Bath time, huh?
Hm. 
I prefer showers, but to each their own.
Should be fine.
Thank you.
Honestly, how long does it take?
Not you, you're doing great.
Is everything cool, down there?
What's happening?
I've got something, right?
- Anne, you're pregnant.
- No.
- I'll try that again.
- Can you just check again, because I had a baby eight months ago.
She's barely alive yet.
Well, it's lucky for you and this baby, that you came in to see me.
So you can change your behaviour.
You taken up smoking by any chance?
No.
I have been partaking in other forms of medicine, though.
Psychiatrist or not, you know the drill, Anne.
You're going to have to cut all that stuff out.
Completely.
Hmm.
I think that's havarti.
Might be some gouda in there, if we're lucky.
Oh, don't see any.
Right, so...
Uh, central vac.
Subzero fridge.
This kitchen really, really has it all.
It's pretty perfect.
We heard a couple planes going by.
Is this on a flight path?
Ah yeah, you think a plane door's
- gonna fall from the sky?
- Just...
Right through your bedroom ceiling?
Well, from that altitude, it's gonna go through you like Taffy.
Excuse me?
Well, you're not gonna survive that one.
Tell ya that much.
Hey babe. 
How's your day goin'?
We're having a great time.
Aren't we, Rhoda?
Hi, Mommy. 
Hi, Mommy. 
Hi, Mommy.
How was the open house?
Oh yeah, it's fantastic. 
It's just...
Packed in there.
Lots of serious interest.
Then why are you outside?
Because I've been politely asked to remain outdoors.
Who asked you that?
Oh, I don't know. 
A few people.
Anyway, it's no big deal.
Are you okay, babe? 
You seem out of it.
Are you kidding? 
No, I'm like, in it.
Like, deep in.
Okay, baby.
I'll call you back.
Have a good day!
I've gotta be back in 15 minutes.
Yeah, I know, I've just gotta pay this thing.
You okay?
Yes, I, stop hounding me.
Okay, what's going on right now?
I'm sensing something.
What is with the interrogation?
I just need to eat. 
And not take pills.
And pay this worthless pain-in-the-tits, meter.
Oh there.
Wait, why can't you take pills?
- Hold up.
- What? 
What is it?
Are you? 
Not again!
What, if you've got something to say, why don't you just spit it out.
Aren't we above that, who says it first?
- Above what, Kate?
- You're pregnant.
- Yeah, I am.
- Congratulations.
Thanks, I'm thrilled about it.
Hmm. 
Oh yeah, this is gonna be good.
- This was a good call.
- Uh-huh.
- You tell Lionel?
- No, too nervous.
Never wanted three. 
Two and through.
Well, you know you've got options, right.
What the hell's the matter with you?
Why would you even say that?
I'm just saying you're not stuck.
If two kids are enough, great, you know.
No need to ruin the marriage and break the bank on a whoopsie.
I just... got to know these two personalities that we made from scratch, you know?
No! 
No! 
No!
Shut it, you monster.
Your mother's a goddamn angel.
Thank you.
Makes things a little more complicated, that's all.
Hello?
Yes, this is Kate.
Um no, I'm not busy at all.
Yes, I did. 
I did read about that account.
Ah no, that was just um...
They're doing some plumbing on the building.
Can I call you back?
No, no, no, no, no.
Oh shit.
Easy does it.
Oh God, all right, I am killing' it.
Everything okay? 
Because I...
I just need some paper towels.
I had a spill.
Of course, yeah.
Just checking though.
You got Mo's memo...
That the meeting got moved up to 3?
What memo? 
I never saw a memo.
Uh, I put it on your desk at lunch.
Well, it's not there now, and it's 3:20.
Can you give me some paper towels?
- Yeah, mhm.
- Shit.
Okay, okay.
No!
All right.
I swear I left it on your desk.
Oh um, did you see the memo because I put it right...
So weird it was right there.
Yeah, well. 
Yeah, I don't have time.
To watch you play detective, or any of this Tom Foolery.
You're making me look ridiculous.
With the company moving in this new and might I add, brave, direction,
I believe it's your moment to showcase dairy as a woman would.
This should be good.
Wholesome.
Maternal.
Sweet.
I believe this is the moment for Happy Farms Dairy, to bring women together. 
Everywhere.
What the hell does that even mean?
Is that it?
No, no, no. 
Of course not. 
Mo?
I um...
Yeah, I had the design team put together some images.
Yeah, I think I get the idea.
Yeah, Mrs. Sheffield, what Mo's pitching, is only part of it.
Is that breast milk on your shirt?
It is.
Look, Mo's right. 
Women are watching.
But not just any woman's point of view will work here.
But yours would.
Your history, your face, actually.
My face?
Oh no, people want their dairy with sunny farm animals on it, not old ladies.
People want a story.
Consumers are familiar with your product, but they don't know that you, unlike your husband, were raised on a farm.
And at the age of seven you were pulling those hours, while your husband inherited the company.
My biggest accomplishment at seven was microwaving cheese on to chips.
- Nachos.
- Mhm.
Look, not only do you speak to women, but you've got the calloused hands to back it up.
Hmm.
Yes, my husband did inherit the company from his grandfather.
And his grandmother wasn't even allowed in a meeting like this.
So when I came along they thought I was cracked in the head.
He couldn't milk a cow, but he stood by me.
Sounds like a smart man.
Yes, he was.
Mrs. Sheffield, if this is a route you feel comfortable taking,
I'd be happy to put together a detailed plan for you.
Yeah.
- Lovely.
- Good.
Great to meet you.
Yes, thank you very much.
- Lovely to see you.
- Pleasure.
Nice catch, Kate.
Mo, take note. 
People want a narrative.
Kate, you ready to take the lead on this?
Yeah, you bet.
Mo, it was a good idea, she just needed more nurturing.
Okay, come on.
Let's take 5, dive right in. 
Natalie!
What the...?
What the hell are you?
Oh my God.
What a peaceful way to go.
So...
You guys feelin' that house?
It's got a pool.
Hey babe, did you order anything?
I'm starving.
Where's the kids?
Where? 
Downstairs?
Mmm.
What?
I don't wanna talk about it.
Okay, you got me in the damn patient's chair.
How does that make you feel?
Oh my god.
All right, I got a feeling this is about that loan I took out?
Is this what I'm picking up?
Yeah, I get it. 
I can be an excessive spender.
I get where you're coming from.
But you have to trust me when I say, this is gonna work out.
Okay, I can't do this.
We can't do this and...
I'll take care of it.
After you get into the water, I'll join you.
Okay.
Well, that's it.
Now it's your turn.
Yes.
Now it's my turn.
Good night, Mr. Webster!
Hey, wait! 
Hey, come back!
Come back!
I'm losing my confidence again!
You know, I've picked up some hitchhikers in my day, but, man, you were a weird sight, running along the road in them seaweed jockey shorts.
I'll have your coat back in a minute.
Hey, Fred.
Look.
That's the last guy in the world I would have figured.
There'll be no slip-up this time, Mr. Northcross.
You subpoena Jerry Webster in front of the Ad Council, and I'll present enough evidence to put him behind bars.
They've been advertising a product that doesn't even exist!
Yes!
Well, I've already spoken to the District Attorney, and he wants to be there.
No, Mr. Northcross, I'm not trying to stall for time.
It just happens that 11:00 is when I go down to donate blood.
But they need it.
It's a very rare type.
11:00. 
I'll be there.
Did Hadley find Tyler?
Not yet.
That Templeton. 
What a mean, vindictive woman.
Lay off her, Kelly.
Congratulate me, boy.
I've saved the day!
I've been working with my lawyers, and we've come up with an iron-clad document that will hold up in any court.
This solves everything.
Great! 
What is it?
A full and complete confession. 
Sign.
Are you kidding? 
I could go to jail for five years.
No, that's covered in here. 
We make a deal with the judge. 
Two years. 
Sign.
Forget it.
Two years!
It's like being drafted. 
Think of me as your commander in chief.
Greetings from the president.
Sign.
I couldn't find Dr. Tyler anywhere.
The guy has disappeared.
That tears it.
Hadley.
Step over to the window.
Mr. Ramsey, I told you, I am not going to jump!
You don't have to jump. 
I'll trip you, huh?
Double indemnity.
Your wife will be loaded.
Kids will go to college.
Right? 
Come on, boy, run!
Pete, knock it off.
You won't sign, you won't jump.
I'm surrounded by traitors.
Dr. Tyler's here.
Doctor, where've you been?
In the subway. 
They couldn't change a $1000 bill.
Gentlemen, I give you VIP!
That is VIP?
They look like mints.
Don't they though?
$100,000 for advertising, and what does he give us to sell? 
Candy!
I don't care if they're colored matzoh balls.
At least I've got something to show the Ad Council.
Come on, Hadley. 
Let's go down to the art department and have wrappers made up.
Nobel Prize winner, huh?
For this, I could have hired Fanny Farmer.
Well, at ten cents a piece, why, you'll make millions.
Ten cents for one of these?
Try it.
I've tasted candy before.
Not like these. 
Try it.
Well, have the rest of it.
I think you'd better sit down. 
There should be a reaction shortly.
I made it very emphatic to Webster that he be here at 11:00.
Hadley!
Hold that elevator!
PETER: 
VIP, oh!
I think I'll try a red one.
I think you've had enough.
Don't worry about me.
I can hold my candy.
You know something?
I wanna tell you, you've come up with a great little mint, here. 
You know that?
Mint?
Mint, you say?
This priceless pastille which you so carelessly refer to as a mint is in reality a triumph of advanced biochemistry.
Looks like candy. 
Tastes like candy.
Goes down like candy.
But it enters the bloodstream as pure alcohol.
Each one of these is the equivalent of a triple martini.
Here's to you, Doc.
Bottoms up!
I've given this country what it has long needed.
A good ten-cent drunk.
Well, I told you he wouldn't show up.
I think the District Attorney should take over.
It seems in order to issue a bench warrant for his arrest.
And if he resists, gun him down!
Good morning.
I'm sorry to be late, but I stopped to pick up a carton of VIP.
You mean there is such a product?
Would I advertise it if there weren't?
That would be dishonest.
Gentlemen, I give you VIP.
A pleasant confection to be enjoyed by the entire family.
This is nothing but a mint!
Well, I never said it was anything more.
It's quite tasty.
Really? 
WILLIAMS: 
May I have another one?
Sure, Mr. Williams.
Help yourself.
Gentlemen, help yourselves.
They're unusually refreshing.
Try a green one.
How many colors are there?
Six.
Let's all have one of each.
(ALL AGREEING)
(ALL CLAMORING)
Dr. Melnick?
Yes? 
What happened?
I don't know. 
He just suddenly went wild.
He kicked in this picture of his father.
He tried to tear my clothes off!
Mine, too!
Where is he?
Joe, take it down.
What are you doing up there, Peter?
I'm king of the elevator!
(MOAN ING)
Married? 
Me?
(GRUNTS)
Miss Templeton?
Miss Templeton, wake up.
Millie.
I had the most wonderful dream.
Dr. Tyler and I were... (SCREAMS)
(SHUSHING)
I know what you're thinking, but just calm down.
We're in Maryland. 
We're in a motel, but it's all right.
Yes, it is. 
We're legally married.
You're Mrs. Jerry Webster.
(SCREAMS)
Now stop that!
You're my wife!
Some girls just aren't ready for marriage.
Here.
Have a look.
I don't know how it happened, but apparently I did the decent thing.
Oh, I'm your wife!
This is horrible!
I'm ruined! 
Ruined!
You're not ruined!
I married you.
You'll go to jail for this.
Now, Carol...
Don't you touch me!
(YELLS)
Will you listen to reason?
You give me back my clothes!
Poor lad! 
It's not likely to be a long honeymoon.
Look, I know you hate me and you have plenty of reason, but you must love me, too.
You married me.
You got me drunk!
Well, maybe I did.
Look, Carol, I know it's a shock for you to wake up and find yourself in a motel room, married, but this is the first time it's ever happened to me, too.
And you know something? 
Cold sober, even with a hangover, I kind of like it.
"Mrs. Jerry Webster."
Don't you ever call me a name like that again.
Well, listen, plenty of girls would like to be Mrs. Jerry Webster.
And I'm sure they have a right to be!
Okay, so I've sown a few wild oats.
"A few"? 
You can qualify for a farm loan!
Now, honey, you're starting off our marriage with a fight.
Oh, no, I'm not. 
I'm starting it off with an annulment!
Carol. 
Carol, don't be hasty.
Let's talk this over.
You listen to me.
No alcoholic beverage, no drug known to science, no torture yet devised could induce me to stay married to you!
That's it, let's discuss it.
(EXCLAIMS)
Where can I go to get this marriage annulled?
Now, darling, it's only natural to be a little frightened at first.
Like olives, dear, it's something you acquire a taste for.
Get me New York City, Plaza 89970. 
I'll hold on.
Hello, Pete? 
This is Jerry.
I'm in Maryland, but I don't know how I got here.
I'll tell you how you got there.
You ate some of those poison pellets your Frankenstein friend Tyler came up with.
Candy nothing! 
That stuff turns into pure alcohol.
Oh, that explains it.
What about the Ad Council?
Well, they found Northcross barricaded in the ladies' lounge at Radio City Music Hall.
Williams was on stage, dancing with the Rockettes.
And Magnuson just washed up on the beach at Waikiki.
Yeah, he's alive.
Can't find the District Attorney though.
Oh?
Is he a gray-haired man with a moustache?
I think he was best man at my wedding.
Relax, Pete. 
I'm gonna sign the confession.
I'm taking the rap for everything.
No, you're not. 
I'm not letting you take the rap alone.
And I'll see that Hadley signs that, too.
That won't be necessary.
Excuse me, Mr. Ramsey.
There are two men here to see you.
They wanna talk to you about VIP.
It's the FBI!
Send them in here.
I don't want you to think that I'm abandoning you.
The same brilliant lawyers who drew up this iron-clad document will be right by your side in court, trying to break it.
I'll get you a fair trial if I have to buy out every person in the jury.
Thanks.
Mr. Ramsey?
I'm Ramsey. 
But this is the man you want.
Jerry Webster.
He alone is responsible for VIP.
He invented it.
He dreamed it up.
Is that true, Mr. Webster?
Yes.
It's all right here.
Don't say another word until I get the lawyers.
We don't need lawyers here, Mr. Webster.
Now, what is your price?
Price? 
We represent the liquor industry.
How much would it take to burn that formula?
Well, I...
Gentlemen, you don't seem to realize what you're asking me to do.
Now, look. 
The government is going to stop you anyhow.
But every day that candy is on the market, we lose money. 
Now name your price.
Now, let's see.
The liquor industry spends roughly $60 million a year in advertising. 
Right?
Right. 
And we're prepared to give you 20% of our total billing.
WALLACE: 
You can open your own agency with an account like that.
Twenty-five percent.
Agreed.
And you're not to give the account to me.
You're to give it to Mrs...
That is...
Miss Carol Templeton, of Brackett, MacAlpin and Gaines.
If that's what you want.
It is.
Shall we?
HODGES: 
Our attorneys will draw up an agreement for your signature.
Fine. 
No.
Send it to San Francisco. 
I'm moving to our West Coast office.
Very well.
Thank you, Mr. Webster.
Thank you.
Are you taking Mr. Webster with you?
No, he's going to San Francisco.
San Francisco?
Alcatraz!
This one I didn't notice...
Yeah, take all of these.
Oh, Pete.
I'll be leaving tonight.
We'll miss you, boy.
I'm taking Kelly with me.
If anybody can do it, you can.
Hello. 
Hello, Mr. Webster.
This is Millie, Miss Templeton's secretary.
You know that girl you married nine months ago and she got it annulled?
Well, it seems that there was something she couldn't get annulled.
She'd kill me if she knew I was calling you, but I think that every man has a right to know when he's about to become a father.
Got the marriage license.
And the judge has agreed to waive the three-day waiting period.
Yes, I can marry you immediately.
The ring! 
I haven't got the ring!
Here, you can use mine.
Yours?
Well, I've been carrying it for years.
I believe in being prepared.
JERRY: 
Carol, please, listen to me.
I will not marry you.
Now go away, I'm busy.
Darling, I love you.
No, you don't. 
You went to California and forgot me.
Forgot you? 
I sent you hundreds of letters.
I wrote one every day for eight months.
And the ninth month, when I needed you most, not a word!
I didn't know what was happening.
You sent back every letter, unopened.
If you loved me, you'd have kept on writing.
Darling, I do love you.
Please marry me!
Well, I'll have to think about it.
I don't want to rush into anything.
Now you listen to me.
You're going up there to have my baby, my son...
It's my baby and I'll have what I want, and I've decided to have a girl.
Have whatever makes you happy. 
I love you both. 
Now will you marry me?
I always wanted a church wedding.
The next baby, we'll have a church wedding.
Now, please, say yes.
Oh, yes!
Judge?
Join hands, please.
We are gathered together to unite this man and this woman in marriage.
...as such, I trust it will symbolize your union.
Then by the powers vested in me by the sovereign State of New York,
I now pronounce you man and wife.
Man! 
That's what I call cutting it close!

This is Madison Avenue, center of the advertising world.
In these steel and concrete beehives are born the ideas that decide what we will eat, drink, drive and smoke, and how we will dress, sleep, shave and smell.
In all beehives, there are workers and drones.
This is a worker.
Thank you.
And this is a drone.
Jerry, Honey...
You're at work.
Good night, darling.
- Good night.
Wait!
What kind of good-night kiss is that?
We're not married.
My, what a way to go to work!
That's a woman!
Make you homesick, Fred?
Yeah. 
Makes me sick we're going home next week.
Bracket, McGalpin  Gaines, advertising.
I'll give him the message.
Dorothy, Mr. Bracket in yet?
- No.
Tell merchandising, copy and art there's a meeting. 
Right away!
Miss Templeton wants merchandising, copy and art in her office.
On the double!
Looks like a rough day.
Good morning, Mr. Webster.
Good morning.
Would you send a tomato juice, black coffee and a masseur?
Yes, sir.
Mr. Webster wants tomato juice, black coffee and a masseur.
Looks like a rough night.
Miller's Wax is changing agencies.
We can get the account.
Miller's coming tonight.
Find out where he's staying.
I want an appointment in the morning.
- You can't work out a plan by then.
We can and we will.
Here's some thoughts I had.
Tighten them up.
Tell research I want a complete rundown on J. Paxton Miller.
His packaging, distribution, sales, and strong and weak market areas.
Kelly, what's new in our gray flannel jungle?
The natives are restless.
Miller is to pick up a new agency.
The account's up for grabs.
Let's grab. 
Where's he from?
Richmond, Virginia.
Get me a book on the civil war and a complete rundown on Miller.
Family? 
Will his wife be with him?
What liquor does he drink?
What kind of girls does he like?
That's a very good idea.
- Thank you.
Develop it further, Leonard.
- And here...
This isn't bad either.
But what color's that floor?
Lilac.
Lilac? 
Who has a lilac floor in their kitchen?
I have.
Well, everyone isn't as artistic as you are.
We have to sell this wax to average, ordinary people.
Them!
Carol, I've photographed this can of wax from every angle.
With every kind of lighting.
I just can't make it look good.
You may have hit on the key to the whole thing.
This can - it's unattractive.
- So?
So, Leonard designs a new one.
When? 
It's ten thirty!
We'll be here half the night!
Believe me, the agency that lands this account is the one that shows the most attractive can.
Most attractive!
More bourbon, Mr. Miller?
- Just a touch.
Yes, sir. 
She's most attractive.
You know, I'd like to meet her.
- You're going to.
We're having a party with those rabbits, I mean, girls.
I'll drink to that!
More bourbon?
- Just a touch.
Rebel Davis...
She's distantly related to Jefferson Davis, our great leader.
Did you say "our" leader?
I was raised here in the North, but my heart remains loyal to my birthplace, Virginia.
You're a Virginia boy?
- Richmond!
That's where I'm from!
You are kidding.
- Born and raised.
Well! 
To Richmond!
- Of course!
So you one of them Virginia Websters!
My great-grandfather fought with the Virginia volunteers.
So did my granddaddy.
He fell during Picket's Charge.
- Mine too!
He was following that great Captain Elijah E. Miller.
That was my granddaddy!
Mr. Miller, this is a hallowed moment.
More bourbon?
- Just a touch.
Son, you hear that?
They're playin' our song!
On your feet, Yankees!
That's what I call a party!
Gee, I'm sorry I missed it.
What happened to the house detective?
I don't know if he jumped, or somebody pushed him.
Penthouse, please.
You're a little late for the party.
Was the party at Mr. Miller's?
- Not a party...
The party!
How about stopping off at my pad?
What for?
- Look what I'm takin' home.
You think that's somethin'
Hi!
Excuse me.
I'm looking for Mr. Miller.
You'll never find me.
Mr. Miller?
Sir, I'm Carol Templeton, with Bracket, McGalpin  Gaines.
Have a sit down.
I have an appointment to talk about handling your account.
I've signed with Jerry Webster.
Jerry...
Of Ramsey  Son?
- Of the 19th Virginia Volunteers.
But I worked up a complete presentation, a whole campaign.
Even a new container.
Here, let me show you.
I can't. 
I'm flying back to Richmond.
- When?
Now, honey. 
Now.
We just passing over Pittsburgh.
Mr. Miller, please open your eyes.
Why? 
I've seen everything.
Just a touch.
Mr. Bracket, this man Webster is a disgrace to the business.
He should be barred.
I'd like nothing better.
It's not the first one he's taken.
Then go to the advertising council.
Charge him with unethical conduct!
Who do you think will testify?
Miller? 
The girls?
There's no law against entertaining.
There must be a law against that kind of entertaining.
It was a Roman orgy!
I saw this girl carried out in a bass fiddle case. 
You can imagine what else went on.
Yes!
Mr. Bracket! 
Surely you don't condone Webster's methods!
Course not.
No ethical agency does.
Then how does he get away with it?
Ramsey  Son has a fine reputation.
The old man ruled with an iron hand.
His son doesn't know what's going on.
Then it's time somebody told him!
Miss Templeton, you've only been with us a while.
We've learned to live with Webster.
He's like the common cold:
You know you'll get it once or twice a year.
There are two ways to handle a cold:
You can fight it, or give in and go to bed with it.
I intend to fight it!
Wait here.
That's a cab zone, buddy.
I am not your buddy.
I happen to be Peter Ramsey.
I don't care if you're Peter Rabbit.
Beat it!
How would you like a fat lip?
Fine, fine.
Harrison...
Give him a fat lip.
Okay, so park there.
Hope Mr. Webster won't get angry.
I assume full responsibility.
I am his employer.
All right, Mr. Webster. 
Hear this!
It's been brought to my attention that you're guilty of unbecoming conduct.
You have embarked on this course without my knowledge or consent.
My father, the commodore, would not brook insubordination.
By thunder, neither will I!
I demand a full and complete explanation, or heads will roll!
Speak up man, I'm waiting.
Do you realize what you broke?
That was to build my confidence.
I ought to break your neck, barging in on me. 
- Take it easy!
I've had a rough morning. 
Took a tongue-lashing from Carol Templeton.
Who's that?
New executive at Bracket, McGalpin and Gaines.
She accused you of pirating the Miller Wax account by getting him tipsy and a girl.
That's not true. 
I got him loaded, and there were seven girls.
Just a moment...
I'm head of the company!
You're accountable to me.
I leave the bridge, and you steer the ship on the rocks.
I demand to know if your conduct was in the firm's interest.
That's sadistic.
You listen to me. 
I was up all night in the interest of Ramsey and Son.
I landed a $5 million account in the interest of Ramsey and Son.
You haven't been in the office for two months.
And that's in the interest of Ramsey and Son.
I have very good reason for that.
It depresses the employees.
I discussed it with my analyst, Dr. Melnick. 
He understands.
He says I depressed him too.
He's only human. 
- You don't know what a handicap it is to be born rich.
Some handicap. 
- Don't sneer.
Wealthy people are hated.
What's written on the Statue of Liberty? "Send me your rich"?
No, "Send me your poor." We're not welcome in our own country.
You're one of the lucky ones.
You were born in the slums.
- That's lucky?
You had everything going for you: 
Poverty, squalor...
There was only one way to go:
Up. 
But I did it the hard way.
Done what?
Taken over Ramsey and Son.
As president, I've a right to know what's been going on.
Well, I'll tell you.
I've landed 10 new accounts.
There's a lot more to advertising.
The big job is selling the product.
Gimme a well-stacked dame in a bathing suit, I'll sell anything.
Girls again!
What's the obsession with girls?
I was a poor kid, remember?
I didn't have toys to play with.
See. 
Told you it's a handicap to be rich.
Get me that green tie.
- Right.
What about Miss Templeton?
What am I gonna say?
Nothing.
I'll say it for you.
- Oh good.
Tell her...
' we re very sorry.
And that if she's willing to forgive, that henceforth we'll conduct ourselves beyond reproach.
Carol Templeton, please.
Jerry Webster calling.
Ramsey and Son. 
- Assure her of our high moral character.
Yes, Mr. Webster. 
- Mr. Ramsey tells me you spoke to him.
I'd like to ask you a favor. 
Kindly keep your nose out of my business.
If the competition's too tough, get out of the profession.
You aren't even in the advertising profession.
I ought to tell you your profession.
- Tell me anyway.
Let me put it this way, I don't use sex to land an account.
When do you use it?
- I don't!
My condolences to your husband.
I'm not married.
- That figures.
What do you mean, that figures?
A husband would be competition.
There's only room for one man in a family.
Let me tell you something:
I wish I were a man right now...
Keep trying. 
You'll make it.
Milly, get me the number of a Miss Rebel Davis.
She works at the Bunny Club.
Your trouble is you're living in your father's shadow.
You're even afraid to get rid of his car. 
- He dominated me.
Just once, I spoke back to him.
He cut a switch from a tree and gave me a whipping.
In front of this girl.
It was a shattering experience.
Pete, all kids get whippings.
But I was 25.
The girl was my fiancee.
Hello?
- You no-good, lowdown liar.
Rebel, honey, what's the trouble?
- There's trouble?
You promised I was gonna be the Miller Wax girl and now Mr. Miller says there ain't even gonna be one!
Carol Templeton surely was right.
Carol Templeton?
Are we in trouble?
- When did you talk to her?
She wants me to go to the ad council and tell them about those parties.
I'm gonna do it!
Don't you go near the ad council!
I'll be over.
We're in trouble?
- I can handle it.
As head, I've a right to know.
Yes, we're in trouble.
- You shouldn't have told me.
You get outta here!
Now, honey, let's talk this over.
I'll do my talking to the ad council.
Sugar Lump!
- I am not your sugar lump!
So stop nibbling on me.
You've been promising to put me on TV for two years.
Baby! 
Baby!
You are not gonna nibble your way out of this one!
I'm gonna tell that advertising council plenty!
Okay.
Tell 'em there isn't any Miller Wax girl, but also tell 'em why.
Tell 'em I cancelled when they were gonna hide that glorious figure.
That's like hiding a Rembrandt under a dishtowel.
Tell 'em everything. 
Tell 'em... how I turned down, for two years, sponsor after sponsor, looking for the right product, the perfect product for you to represent.
Tell 'em I finally found one.
What is it?
Something... woulda made you more famous than Miss Rheingold.
Well, what is it?
A brand new product.
It's, uh, different. 
It's... exciting...
Well, what is it?
Well, it's, uh...
VIPS ARRIVE FOR CONGRESS
Vip.
Vip?
I was gonna make you the Vip Girl.
What's Vip?
- Vip?
It's the product that woulda brought you fame and fortune.
The key that woulda opened the key to Hollywood.
And you turned it down.
No, I didn't!
Jerry! 
Jerry, wait, honey!
I didn't turn it down.
- Same thing.
We're filming the Vip commercials at one o'clock.
I've got to pick out another girl.
- Oh no you don't.
I wanna be the Vip Girl.
- You had your chance.
Please, don't go.
Come back. 
Give me another chance.
I'll do anything you say.
Please!
- Well, I...
Well, all right...
It's him!
Let's face it, Charlie.
Either you've got or you haven't.
He's got it.
Vip commercial, number 3.
Okay, Rebel, action.
Hi there, I'm the Vip Girl.
Everything I've got,
I owe to Vip.
I'm just a slave to any man who uses Vip.
Good things have been happening since I discovered Vip.
I got my man when I got Vip.
Oh yes, folks, everything I got...
I owe to Vip.
Cut.
- That's it.
Wrap it up.
- Thanks.
What do you want done with the ads?
- Put them on the shelf.
On the shelf?
Call me about it later.
Rebel, you were fabulous.
Do you think they'll like me?
- Honey, single-handed... you may bring in the forty-inch screen.
When are they gonna be on?
- Well, I...
I haven't got the deal lock up yet.
When they see you, it's in the bag.
Hurry, you're due at the ad council.
- I don't wanna testify against you.
Don't worry, you won't.
- But they're gonna ask questions.
Here are the answers.
Memorize this.
Wear this around your neck.
Couldn't I just not show up?
That won't stop Templeton.
This will.
Don't worry, I'll tell you every move to make.
Wait, what's this? 
Very-tass et...
- Veritas et probitas super omnia.
That's Latin. 
That means:
Truth and honor, above all.
That's Mr. Webster's motto?
- It's the code by which he lives.
Many's the night he's walked me to my door, bowed, kissed my hand and said, "Rebel...
Veritas et probitas super omnia."
This is ridiculous!
Miss Templeton, please stop challenging your witness.
Obviously, she's been coached.
Or bribed.
He gave you something, didn't he?
Sit down!
It's true. 
He did give me something.
This.
He asked me to wear it over my heart.
He got it in the army.
Gentlemen, it's the good conduct medal.
Oh well!
- Would you care to look?
Yes, indeed.
Most inspiring.
May I?
Takes me back a few years... to my own army days.
Magnificent!
Miss Templeton...
- Would you move on?
Gentlemen, if we're through admiring Mr. Webster's trophies,
I'd like to ask Miss Davis to tell us about that wild party he threw last night.
- The revival meeting?
Mr. Webster held a revival?
Revival is right!
Everyone there had to be revived.
You're making serious charges against a man who is not here.
That's a very interesting point.
Why isn't he here?
Miss Davis, do you know where Mr. Webster is?
He's at the Red Cross, donating blood.
They wouldn't take his blood.
It's 86 proof!
Why would he be there now?
That's where he's meeting his Boy Scout troop.
He's a Scout leader?
- He's taking them on a hike to Inspiration Point.
At the top of the Chrysler building.
The top of the Chrysler building is not Inspiration Point.
It is to Mr. Webster.
It looks down on Madison Avenue.
Miss Templeton?
Have you anything further to say?
Yes.
I'd like my body sent back to the agency.
That was quite a performance, Miss Davis.
You ain't mad at me?
- Oh no!
You should be an actress.
- I am. 
I'm goin' to Hollywood, just as soon as I'm famous as the Vip Girl.
The Vip Girl?
What's Vip?
- It's a brand-new product.
Mr. Webster's tryin' to get the account.
This will be my big chance.
And mine!
Milly, drop what you're doing.
We're after the Vip account.
The what account?
- Vip. 
V-l-P.
Never heard of it.
- Find out about it.
Jerry Webster's trying to land it, but we're gonna beat him to it.
Are you sure?
He fights rough.
Then we'll fight rough!
This is war, Milly!
That means liquor, wild parties and girls.
Right?
- Right.
I'd like to volunteer for frontline duty.
Well, my boy, we did it.
We've been absolved by the council.
- Yes.
We really put that Templeton woman in her place. - "We" did.
We deserve a reward.
A vacation.
We're gonna go to dad's hunting lodge in Canada and do nothing:
No radio, no television, no phones.
A thousand miles from the nearest sponsor. 
- Sounds great.
Is it all right for you to be away from Dr. Melnick?
Must be, he's the one who suggested it.
What do you say, you go upstairs and pack?
No, I'm gonna go to the office.
You go pack, I'll handle things.
- You?
Melnick says I've gotta start making decisions.
Good, grand.
- That man has worked miracles.
Everyone should go through analysis.
- Not everyone can afford it.
That's the tragedy of it.
Look at these poor people.
They go through life, contented, happy, laughing, never knowing how sick they are.
You're sick! 
Sick!
Just a minute, you can't come in here. 
Who are you?
I'm Peter Ramsey.
Oh, Mr. Ramsey.
Who are you?
- I'm your secretary.
You're not Elsie.
- No, I'm Deborah.
Elsie got married. 
Jerry...
Mr. Webster hired me.
Well, if there are any calls, I'm not in.
Yes, sir.
Yeah?
How are we in the copy department?
On the ball? 
Got the big picture?
Come on, nutsy, who is this?
- This is the boss.
I'm sorry, Mr. Webster.
- This is Peter Ramsey. 
Who is this?
Hello?
Memo. 
To all departments.
Subject: 
Insubordination.
Certain department heads...
Yes, Hadley, come in.
- Oh, Mr. Ramsey, I...
I was looking for Mr. Webster.
- Anything I can handle?
No, sir.
I need a decision.
Now look here, Hadley.
I happen to be company president.
I'll make the decisions.
It really isn't important.
I'll decide what's important!
Now, what is it?
Commco Film Studios are calling and wanna know what to do with the...
Vip commercials that Mr. Webster made.
Yes.
Well...
What do we usually do with commercials? 
We show them.
Mr. Webster didn't brief me on the Vip account.
Well, it's a lucky thing I'm here.
Are you familiar with the account?
Who d'you think got the deal?
Oh. 
Well, congratulations, sir.
With a new product, Mr. Webster starts off with a campaign on TV, you know, to get the ball rolling.
Let's forget Mr. Webster, shall we?
I'm rolling this ball. 
- Yes, sir.
We'll start off with a campaign on TV.
Yes, sir. 
Right away.
Dr. Melnick,
Peter Ramsey. 
I've done it, Doc.
I made a decision.
And it was a beauty!
425 dollars for a private detective?
Why?
To find Jerry Webster and track down the Vip account.
Did you find him?
No.
- Did you find out who makes Vip?
No...
- Did you find out what Vip is?
No. 
But...
- As long as it's money well spent.
I want you to forget the Vip account.
Webster's got it.
But I don't believe it.
Rebel Davis, the Vip Girl herself, told me he didn't have the account.
That same day, he disappeared.
Something is wrong.
What about all those commercials on television all week?
I still say something's wrong.
Mr. Bracket, please give me more time and I'll prove it to you.
Okay.
But if this detective doesn't find what you're looking for, there's something else he might find for you.
A new job?
- Exactly.
I already told him.
This is the forest primeval, just as it was at the dawn of civilization.
And this is how the first man explored it:
In a birch bark canoe, pitting his skill and strength against the forces of nature.
Survival of the fittest, that's the law here.
Harrison has run out of road.
- Good, he might scare the game.
What is that?
- The mating call of the moose.
This call is absolutely irresistible.
Your bull moose will run 20 miles to get to the source of this call.
And then what happens?
- I take his picture.
Pete, he's not running 20 miles to get photographed.
I suggest you stop blowing that.
You just leave the decisions to me.
The same wise leadership that saved us from a costly blunder will see us through. 
- Costly blunder?
You've been so relaxed, I haven't wanted to tell ya.
You've goofed. 
If it weren't for me, those Vip ads wouldn't be on air.
They're on?
A saturation campaign, my boy.
Now, Pete, don't panic. 
Turn around!
What's wrong? 
- Turn around!
- What's wrong? 
- We've got to go.
What's wrong?
- Start paddling!
I have a right to know!
- There's no such product!
But...
But you made films!
- They were to keep Rebel in line.
I told ya sex would get you into trouble!
Never mind me. 
Convince that fella!
Here she is!
Look at these letters.
Drugstores, wholesalers calling.
All these people want Vip.
We've sold a product that doesn't exist. 
We've ruined the agency!
Relax, Pete.
- Dad'll kill me!
Your dad's dead and gone!
- No, he isn't.
He wouldn't leave this business with someone like me.
Don't just sit there.
Let's do something!
Send Hadley in.
- That's it. 
We'll pin the rap on him.
Sure! 
It's our word against his.
Let them break Hadley.
He's not a senior executive.
He's expendable.
That's how Dad would've done it.
Come in, come in, Hadley.
Webster has something to tell ya.
Telephone Commco Films.
We wanna make more Vip commercials.
More commercials?
- On the double!
Right. 
- Are you out of your mind?
There's no such product as Vip.
People wanna spend their money on Vip. 
It's only fair we give it them.
Where do we get it?
- We invent it.
Can we do that?
- Why not?
That's not the way it's done.
You're supposed to have the product first. 
Then you go out and sell it.
Pete! 
You are pioneering a method that'll make you a legend. 
- It will?
The most convincing demonstration of the power of advertising.
You have sold a product that doesn't exist.
Yes! 
By thunder!
Even Dad didn't do that.
- Right.
I don't think I better either.
- You have no choice.
We come up with Vip or you're ruined.
Kelly, I want five $1,000 bills and the address of Dr. Linus Tyler.
Linus Tyler?
Only he can come up with Vip.
- No. 
He's a troublemaker.
He's been fired by 3 companies.
- He's brilliant and needs money.
No. 
Money can't buy him.
As Dad always said, don't trust a man who can't be bribed.
Isn't it comforting to know you can trust me?
Boss, your private eye called.
Webster's back in town.
He followed him to this address.
Dr. Linus Tyler. 
Who's he?
- He won a Nobel prize in chemistry.
He did that testimonial for Mother Murphy's Home-made Soup.
They asked him to analyze the soup and say what Mother Murphy put in it.
He did. 
Broke the company and jailed Mother Murphy.
Milly, why would Jerry Webster be interested in a brilliant chemist?
Vip?
Vip.
I'll bet Tyler's the inventor!
You're wasting your time.
Nothing could induce me to again associate myself with that dull group, the human race.
That's a very wise decision.
You've quit the world!
They didn't appreciate me, now let them suffer.
They want to be misled.
I invented a hair tonic superior to anything else.
Would the public buy it?
Not until they were told it contained a secret ingredient: 
TR2748.
Do you know what TR2748 was?
My phone number.
Now with Vip, the idiots have reached the millenium.
They've bought nothing!
That's right.
Unless you come up with something.
- Never!
Here, in the comfort of my laboratory, I'm happy... and have the companionship of the one person worthy of my company:
Myself.
I want for nothing.
You're one man who can do it.
I will never again prostitute my genius.
Not for all the gold on Madison Avenue.
How soon do you need it?
Welcome back to the world, Doctor.
We're completely versatile.
Vip can be anything:
Soft drink, skin lotion, soap, cigarettes, toothpaste, anything.
The important thing is speed.
If I can help you in any way...
- It's very kind of you.
If you'll carry on here, I'll get some supplies. 
- Fine.
Doctor Tyler?
- Oh, I... 
- Carol Templeton.
Carol Templeton.
I would like to talk about Vip.
It is your product, isn't it?
Yes, I invented it.
- Good.
Doctor, have you signed with Jerry Webster? 
- Why?
I'm with another agency. 
And I have some marvelous ideas for Vip.
- Really?
If you don't like what I've got, I'll get more. 
- Fair enough.
I'll be there day and night.
I see.
Doctor, there's nothing I won't do to get this account.
I haven't signed with Webster.
Oh, Dr. Tyler, I'm so happy.
I know this is going to work out.
- Yes.
I think it has possibilities.
Shall we sit down and I'll tell you my ideas? 
- No.
Not here. 
It's too dangerous.
All these experiments...
You mean there could be an explosion?
- Exactly.
If I'm not careful, this whole thing could blow up.
V Day is coming.
I like it very much.
Thank you, Doctor.
- Got any more ideas?
Not yet. 
But I could put the office to work.
Good!
As soon as you tell me what Vip is.
- That's a problem.
Problem?
Mr. Webster's whole strategy is secrecy.
To get people talking about Vip and wondering what it is.
I promised him I wouldn't reveal it to anyone.
Until I decide to sign with him or someone else, I feel I must respect my promise.
Naturally.
And I admire your integrity.
- Miss Templeton,
I have a code, and I told this to Webster too:
Veritas et probitas super omnia.
So that's where he stole it!
- Pardon?
I wonder if you know the man you're dealing with. 
- Webster? 
- Yes.
I guess I don't. 
I've only seen him a dozen or so times.
Well, what's your opinion?
I prefer to reserve judgment till I see him sober.
Doesn't that tell you what he is?
Miss Templeton, as my uncle, the missionary, used to say,
"If thou canst not speak well of a man, speak not at all."
You make me feel ashamed.
Oh, no please, I...
I cannot presume to judge.
I am but a humble chemist.
- Oh no, you're a genius, and a great humanitarian.
And I want to know you better.
Doctor, there's so much I can learn from you.
As my father, the philosopher, used to say,
"Knock at my door and I shall take you in."
Dr. Tyler,
I'm knocking.
Miss Templeton,
I'm taking you in.
And it was there, in the seclusion of my laboratory, that the idea came for this wonderful new product.
For a while I was determined not to share it with the world.
Then I remembered the words of my grandfather, the philanthropist:
"The joy of living is the joy of giving."
Oh my!
What a magnificent family!
Missionary... philanthropist...
a philosopher... doctor...
Doctor?
You!
Oh, yes. 
Me.
When you said doctor, I thought of my brother, the jungle surgeon.
He was the real doctor.
Was?
He went into the interior to treat this tribe of sick natives.
Got them back on their feet, restored their appetites, discovered too late that they were cannibals.
Oh, how awful!
- Yes.
His last words were:
"Better me than Schweitzer."
You mean they have advertising in Nebraska? 
- Yes.
Of course, it was a small agency, in Omaha.
Somehow one of my ads came to the attention of Mr. Bracket, and he offered me a job in New York.
How do you like Madison Avenue?
- Oh, I love it.
I love the creative challenge.
It's the social challenge that presents a bit of a problem.
You see, in my business,
I'm called upon to do some entertaining.
That usually involves some drinking.
And that's a problem?
- Yes, I don't drink.
Neither do I.
It's not that I object.
It's just I can't tolerate alcohol.
One little glass of champagne and I become completely irresponsible.
Is that a fact?
- Yes.
As a chemist, you must understand.
- I might be able to do something.
Would you try?
- You may depend on it.
I'd better be getting back.
Mr. Webster mentioned dinner...
Oh, don't have dinner with him!
- What?
Let me take you to dinner.
There's so much I want to talk about.
I'll have more ideas for Vip.
Well, I...
- Please!
All right. 
- Good, I'll pick you up at 7 at your lab. 
- Fine.
Oh, no. 
Not there. 
I'm moving.
Mr. Webster's getting me a hotel suite.
Don't let him do that!
I mean, I'll get you a hotel suite.
- Miss Templeton...
But my agency will pay for it.
Please! 
- You don't even know if I'll give you the Vip account.
I know you'll make a fair and wise decision.
A woman senses when a man can be trusted.
And you, Doctor, can be trusted.
Excuse me.
Rockefeller couldn't buy a better suit than this.
$24.95 and I throw in a pair of knickers.
No.
Haven't you got the kind that was in style 5 or 6 years ago?
Have we!
Esther! 
Bring down the suit we made for Prince Rainier's wedding.
Prince or no prince, he didn't pick it up, he loses it.
One... two... three... together.
One... two... three... together.
Doctor. 
- One...
- I should have explained.
On "together", you bring your feet together, not us.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- It's all right. 
You're doing well.
One... two... three... together.
Actually, we should be together all the time.
This way I can sense your next move.
How about that?
It's awfully nice of you to teach me.
It's my pleasure.
I taught a Nobel Prize winner. 
- Oh really? 
Who?
Oh, Dr. Tyler. 
You're very modest.
Oh, well...
I never think of myself as a Nobel Prize winner.
It's my cousin Maurice who should have it. 
He will, if he gets back.
Gets back?
- Yes.
Will you swear never to repeat what I tell you? 
- I swear.
Central intelligence refers to my cousin as the "human satellite".
You mean...
- Yes.
He was launched from Cape Canaveral 4 days ago.
Every 97 minutes, Maurice passes over this club.
Now you can understand why I don't like to talk about myself.
I'm having a wonderful time.
- Good.
I really hate to leave.
Where are you going?
I have a meeting with Mr. Webster.
- Oh, Doctor, why?
Well, I...
- Please, sit down.
I'm not even thinking business, but I hate to see you associate with someone like Webster.
You're so cultured, so refined, so innoc...
You're so nice.
- No.
Say it: 
Innocent.
That's what I am.
You're a gentleman.
- I'm dull.
One phase of my education is completely lacking.
But Mr. Webster can teach me.
Oh, Doctor. 
You've missed nothing.
He had a long talk with me.
I've missed it.
There's nothing worthwhile you can learn from Webster.
I find him very intriguing, in a man-to-man sort of way.
Anyway, I've never seen the places he wants to show me.
What places?
- Well, I'm kinda embarrassed...
Doctor, you know you can talk to me.
Where's he taking you?
Well, it's kind of a nightclub...
They have these girls...
They remove their...
They strip!
Say, I think that's the word he used!
He said I'd enjoy it.
Do you think you'd enjoy watching a girl undress?
I don't know.
But I'm willing to give it a try.
All right.
If you want a burlesque, you don't need Mr. Webster.
I'll take you.
- You? 
- Me.
Oh, waiter. 
Cheque, please.
Hey, Charlie, isn't that him?
I think it is.
Keep the change.
- Thank you.
Oh, I almost forgot.
I got you a suite at the Royal Plaza.
It just doesn't seem right, a man letting a woman pay.
Well, you're not exactly an ordinary man.
It's him.
I wonder why he grew the beard?
When has he got time to shave?
Remarkable muscle control!
Remarkable.
Say, how do you suppose she...
- I really wouldn't know.
Doctor, would you please stop?
I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry we went to that place. 
- Are you? 
- Yes.
From now on, I'll leave that education to Mr. Webster.
You mean, you found that educational?
We never studied anything like that.
I only saw girls in the lab, and they had on those long white coats.
I had no idea what was going on under those coats!
Doctor, do you mind if we change the subject?
No.
- Thank you.
What would you like to talk about?
Anything but Jerry Webster.
All right.
You hate this suit, don't you?
- Oh no, no.
It's very colorful.
I'm afraid it's the only new suit I have.
But tomorrow I'm getting a new wardrobe from Mist...
Oh, I forgot.
You don't wanna talk about him.
Webster's buying you a new wardrobe? 
- He insisted.
Doctor, let me buy it.
- Oh, I couldn't.
But I've told you, my agency is paying for it.
They've given me carte blanche.
We'll go first thing in the morning.
And, uh, Linus?
Yes?
How long have you had that beard?
Don't you like it?
- Yes, I do.
It's very impressive.
Makes you look so distinguished, so intellectual.
So handsome. 
It's magnificent.
You'd like me to get rid of it.
- Would you?
Say!
Your husband's a doll without the beard! 
- Yes!
I mean, he's not my husband.
I don't like it.
Maybe she'll go back to the lab.
Maybe she'll find out you're not Tyler, that there's no Vip.
Maybe the world will end.
- Do you think?
Relax. 
I'm gonna keep Miss Templeton busy day and night.
People want Vip. 
We haven't got it!
- We'll get it!
One of the most brilliant chemists is working on it.
He may even have it now.
Dr. Tyler!
- Over here, my boy.
What exploded?
- Vip!
I know I said it could be toothpaste, but isn't this the hard way?
It's not as mundane as toothpaste.
I seem to have made a mistake.
It all looked so simple.
You know yet what Vip is gonna be?
- Vip will be the miracle product.
It'll bring relief to the suffering, joy to the depressed, inspiration to the artistic and peace to the world, all for only 10 cents.
Fabulous. 
It is a miracle product.
How soon will you have it?
- The product I have.
There are still bugs in the miracle.
- Keep at it. 
It'll make you immortal.
Boss. 
I brought the mail.
- I'll be right there, Milly.
How's the hermit?
- Who? 
- The mad chemist.
Oh, Linus? 
He's fine.
Linus!
We're spending the day together, playing golf.
Hallelujah!
Today, you are a woman.
Think he'll like it?
If he doesn't, he's taking the wrong chemicals.
That was fun!
You did amazingly well for only one lesson. 
- Thank you.
I'm sorry I made you drive so far out.
Such a lonely stretch of beach.
- That's all right.
Really, you shouldn't be embarrassed.
- Well, I...
You look wonderful without your clothes. 
- So do you.
I meant...
- So did I.
Carol, I...
- Yes?
There's something I'd like to ask.
Go ahead.
I'm afraid you might misunderstand.
No. 
Ask it.
Do you have any more ideas for Vip?
What?
I hate to ask it, but after what Mr. Webster said...
What did he say?
When I mentioned your idea, he said it was the last one you'd have.
What? 
- He said you were strictly a one-idea person.
If there's anyone on Madison Avenue who's a one-idea person, it's him.
His whole career's been built on one idea: 
Sex.
Funny. 
You claim he's oversexed and he claims you're...
I'm what?
I'd rather not tell you.
Well, I'm not undersexed!
- I'm sure you're not.
It's true, I haven't come up with any new thoughts.
But...
We've been having so much fun in the last few days.
I promise, tomorrow morning I'm gonna bring you great ideas.
Good! 
That'll teach Webster.
Now, let's talk about something inspiring.
I wonder where Maurice is.
Who?
Your cousin. 
The human satellite.
Oh, him.
Right now, he's over Russia.
Oh, brave, wonderful man.
- Yes.
I've often pondered his last words.
They were so cryptic.
What did he say?
- He said, "Cousin Linus, life is like outer space:
Explore it today, for tomorrow you may not be able to get it off the launching pad."
I wonder what he meant.
He meant, enjoy life now, before it's too late.
You know, there is something I'd enjoy doing right now.
But I don't know how.
Well, let's see...
I've taught you dancing, golf, how to swim...
What is it you'd like to do now?
I'd like to... kiss you, but I...
That's even easier than dancing.
This may be your best subject.
Hi, Kelly.
Mr. Ramsey's been trying to reach you. 
- Thank you.
He's at your apartment.
My apartment?
- He says it's very urgent.
Hello, Pete.
What are you doing in my apartment?
Waiting for you.
- How are things going with Tyler?
Things are lousy with Dr. Tyler.
Get over here right away.
Why don't you come to the office?
- I tried to. 
I've been thrown out.
I'll be right there.
It's no use, I'm marked for life.
Have you tried alcohol?
- Yes. 
I had three martinis.
I warned you not to hire that madman!
Here, try this kind.
Thanks.
- No. 
Rub it on your face. 
Here.
He's not a chemist.
He's a frustrated munitions maker.
He'll never come up with Vip.
We'll be exposed.
This'll be the biggest scandal that hit Madison Avenue.
The agency's through.
There's only one way out: 
Suicide.
All right. 
- We'll get Hadley to commit suicide and pin it on him.
You may have trouble with that.
He wouldn't dare refuse.
His job depends on it.
We'll go see Tyler first thing.
I'll meet you there at nine.
No, sir, you're not getting out of my sight till we get Vip.
Okay, you can stay here tonight.
You have the bed. 
I'll take the couch.
Is the alcohol working?
- Yes, it is.
My face isn't purple anymore?
- No.
Thanks.
V DAY IS COMING
He stole it!
I'm coming.
Linus!
What are you doing here?
Where am I?
This is Jerry Webster's apartment.
How did you get here?
Are you all right?
Try to think.
- I am.
Was he waiting for you at your hotel?
- Yes.
How did he get you to come here?
- Well, I...
Let me see.
He probably gave you something to drink.
Yes.
You should have refused.
- Well, I...
I would have, but I was so dizzy from that cigarette he gave me.
What kind of cigarette?
- I don't know.
It didn't have any printing.
Oh, Linus!
Oh, that depraved monster!
It's time somebody...
- Wait!
You'd better let me look first.
You can't go in there.
Why not?
- Because he's not alone.
You mean there's a...
- Two!
Both famous actresses.
Hurry and dress.
We're getting out.
They're waking up.
- Come on!
All right...
We're getting out of here.
Where will I get dressed.
- At my place.
I'm not leaving you with those actresses.
There goes Superman.
Makes you realize how old we are.
If he doesn't slow down, he'll catch up with us.
I just can't believe Webster would steal someone else's idea.
You're so decent, it's hard for you to think ill of anyone.
I guess I do trust everybody.
I've put your things in the maid's room.
Thank you.
Where's your maid?
I don't have one. 
I just use it as a guest room.
You know, I almost hate to go back to the hotel.
Webster's bound to come over, and I don't feel like talking to him.
Well, don't go back.
Maybe I shouldn't. 
I'm kind of disillusioned with Webster.
I should think so.
Maybe I shouldn't let him handle the Vip account.
Whatever you think, Linus.
It's your decision.
If only I had a quiet place where I could think about this overnight.
Some place where Webster couldn't find me.
Linus?
- Yes?
I know a place.
Really? 
Where?
Right here, in that guest room.
In your apartment? 
Alone with you?
All night?
It's like a separate apartment, with a lock and its own entrance.
I don't know.
- Oh, Linus.
We're adults.
- Yes, but...
Look at it calmy and sensibly.
You won't be disturbed here.
- Right.
You can concentrate on what you want to do. 
- True.
Well then. 
For what you have in mind, isn't this the best place?
I guess maybe it is.
I don't care how you do it, or what it is, we must have Vip tomorrow.
What I'm working on is highly volatile.
What I'm working on is highly volatile too.
That only gives me tonight.
Believe me, Doc, I'm in the same boat.
Hello? 
Mr. Bracket.
I'm here with Mr. Gaines. 
I'm filling him in on Vip. 
How does it look?
Marvelous!
Dr. Tyler's having dinner here.
Fine. 
We'll expect good news in the morning. 
Goodnight.
Looks pretty good.
Dr. Tyler's having dinner with her.
Tyler, in a woman's apartment?
Why not? 
Miss Templeton's attractive.
- I know Tyler. 
He's a woman-hater.
Maybe he used to be. 
But Jenkins saw them dancing the other night.
Linus Tyler, out dancing?
Something's wrong. 
Come on.
- Where to?
Greenwich Village, to see Tyler.
More coffee?
- No, thank you.
You know...
I have a small bottle of champagne someone gave me. 
And...
I debated whether to open it tonight.
But knowing how susceptible we...
- You were right.
In view of the situation, being here alone,
I think we should be especially...
- Definitely.
I'll help you with the dishes.
Oh, I wouldn't think of it.
It's a woman's job.
Well...
- Make yourself comfortable.
It's ten thirty.
I'd better be getting to bed.
Thank you for a delightful evening.
You're a wonderful cook, charming company, and some day, you'll make some man a very fine wife.
Thank you, Linus.
Some day, you'll make some lucky woman a fine husband.
That's kind of you.
I'm afraid I could never get married. 
Goodnight.
Wait!
Why can't you get married?
It's the sort of thing a man doesn't discuss with a woman.
Oh, Linus.
What is it?
Carol, I'm going to say something that'll shock you.
Do you know who I wish I were?
Jerry Webster!
Oh no!
- Yes! 
- Why?
Because he's everything I'm not.
He's a man of the world.
He's smooth, confident, experienced.
He's a real man.
You're the real man!
- Am I? 
- Yes.
Look at me. 
Here I am, alone with a beautiful girl.
It's ten thirty, and for me the evening is over.
Oh, Linus!
- Do you know what Webster would do?
In two minutes, he'd maneuver you into that bedroom!
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know what I was saying.
I didn't mean it.
I know you didn't.
- But I feel so insecure.
Oh, Linus, stop torturing yourself.
Now you know why I'm afraid to get married.
I'm afraid, afraid I'll be a failure.
But you won't.
I know.
A woman knows these things.
Don't lie to me, please. 
I'd rather have your scorn than pity.
Linus, listen to me:
It isn't pity, and I didn't lie.
You kissed me and I was thrilled.
- A kiss. 
What does that prove?
If you can light a stove, it still doesn't make you a cook.
Listen to me. 
Look at me.
I can't. 
I'm too ashamed.
Forget me, Carol.
You deserve a man, not a mass of neurotic doubts.
Oh, Linus, you mustn't have these doubts.
You're tearing yourself apart.
You're a fine, brilliant man.
Sure. 
Brilliant chemist!
Phi Beta Kappa!
Nobel Prize Winner!
I'd trade all of my knowledge to know how to make a woman love me.
You can.
- No.
That's not true.
You're a kind, sensitive person.
- But not the man a woman could love.
Of course you are.
- But I don't know.
Linus, don't do this to yourself!
Any woman would love you.
If only I could be sure of that.
Wait here.
Shall I resist my heart?
Shall I deny it's splendor?
Shall I insist we part?
Should I surrender?
Should I be fire or ice?
Should I be firm or tender?
Should I be bad... or nice?
Should I surrender?
His pleading words so tenderly entreat me.
Is this the night that love finally defeats me?
Should I avoid his touch?
Should I be a shy pretender?
Should I admit
I'd much rather surrender?
Yes?
Miss Templeton, I don't usually discharge employees on the phone.
But in your case, I'm making an exception.
I just left Dr. Tyler, and he never heard of you!
What?
But that's impossible!
He's here right now.
I don't know who you're entertaining, but it's not Tyler.
Carol?
Yes, darling?
Take my hand.
I'm not afraid anymore.
Oh, that's good.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to give you confidence.
Be gentle!
Of course, darling.
Remember that lonely stretch of beach where we first kissed?
Let's go back there.
- Now?
Yes.
To recapture the magic of that moment.
But I feel pretty magic here.
There's a full moon.
We'll have a midnight swim.
But it's thirty miles.
And I don't have my bathing suit.
Oh, Linus.
My sweet, innocent darling.
We don't need bathing suits.
Trust me, my precious.
- Oh, I do. 
I do.
I'm terribly embarrassed.
- No need to be, darling.
After you get into the water, I'll join you.
Okay.
Well, that's it.
Now it's your turn.
Yes.
Now it's my turn.
Goodnight, Mr. Webster!
Hey, wait! 
Come back!
I'm losing my confidence again!
I've picked up a few hitchhikers, but you were a weird sight, running along in seaweed shorts!
I'll have your coat back in a minute.
Hey, Fred!
Look!
That's the last guy I would have figured.
There'll be no slip-up this time, Mr. Northcross.
You subpoena Jerry Webster, and I'll present enough evidence to put him behind bars.
They've been advertising a product that doesn't exist.
Yes!
I've already spoken to the District Attorney. 
He'll be there.
No, Mr. Northcross, I'm not trying to stall for time.
It just happens that 11 o'clock is when I donate blood.
They need it.
It's a very rare type.
Eleven o'clock. 
I'll be there.
Did Hadley find Tyler?
- Not yet.
That Templeton is a mean woman.
- Lay off her, Kelly.
Congratulate me, boy.
I've saved the day!
My lawyers have come up with a document that will hold up in any court.
- Great! 
What is it?
A full confession.
Sign it.
Are you kidding?
I could go to jail for 5 years.
No, we make a deal with the judge.
Two years. 
Sign.
Forget it.
- Two years!
It's like being drafted.
Greetings from the president. 
Sign.
I couldn't find Tyler anywhere.
The guy has disappeared.
That tears it.
Hadley.
Step over to the window.
Mr. Ramsey, I told you, I am not going to jump!
You don't have to. 
I'll trip you.
Your wife'll be loaded, kids'll go to college.
Right? 
Come on, boy, run!
Knock it off. 
- You won't sign, you won't jump. 
What traitors!
Dr. Tyler's here.
Doctor, where've you been?
In the subway.
Couldn't change a thousand dollar bill.
Gentlemen, I give you Vip!
That is Vip?
- They look like mints.
Don't they though?
$100,000 for advertising, and what does he give us? 
Candy!
I don't care if they're matzah balls.
I've got something for the ad council.
Hadley, let's have wrappers made.
Nobel Prize Winner, huh?
I could have hired Fanny Farmer.
At ten cents a piece, you'll make millions.
Ten cents for one of these?
Try it.
- I've tasted candy before.
Not like these. 
Try it.
Have the rest of it.
I think you'd better sit down, there should be a reaction.
I made it emphatic to Webster he be here at 11.
Hadley! 
Hold that elevator!
Vippooooo!
I think I'll try a red one.
- I think you've had enough.
Don't worry, I can hold my candy.
Know something?
I'll tell you, you've come up with a great mint.
- Mint?
Mint, you say?
This priceless pastille you carelessly refer to as a mint, is in reality a triumph of advanced biochemistry.
Looks like candy.
Tastes like candy.
But it enters the blood stream as pure alcohol.
Each one is the equivalent of a triple martini.
Here's to you, Doc. 
Bottoms up!
I've given this country what it has long needed:
A good ten cent drunk.
I told you he wouldn't show up.
The D.A. Should take over.
It seems in order to issue a warrant for his arrest.
And if he resists, gun him down!
Good morning.
I'm sorry to be late, but I stopped to pick up Vip.
You mean there is such a product?
Would I advertise it if there weren't?
That would be dishonest.
Gentlemem, I give you Vip.
A confection for the entire family.
This is nothing but a mint!
- I never said it was anything more.
Hmm, it's quite tasty.
Really?
- May I have another one?
Sure, Mr. Williams, help yourself.
Help yourselves.
Unusually refreshing.
Try a green one.
- How many colors are there? 
- 6.
Let's all have one of each.
Dr. Melnick?
- What happened?
He just suddenly went wild.
- He kicked this picture of his dad.
He tried to tear my clothes off!
- Mine too!
Where is he?
- Joe, take it down.
What are you doing, Peter?
I'm king of the elevator!
V Day is Here
Marriage Certificate
Married?
Me?
Car...
Miss Templeton?
Miss Templeton, wake up.
Milly.
I had the most wonderful dream.
Dr. Tyler and I...
I know what you're thinking, but just calm down.
We're in a motel in Maryland, but it's all right.
We're legally married.
You're Mrs. Jerry Webster.
Now stop that!
You're my wife!
Some girls just aren't ready for marriage.
Here.
Look. 
I don't know how it happened, but I did the decent thing.
Oh, I'm your wife!
This is horrible!
I'm ruined!
You're not ruined!
I married you.
You'll go to jail for this.
- Carol...
Don't you touch me!
Will you listen to reason?
You give me back my clothes!
Poor lad! 
It's not likely to be a long honeymoon.
I know you hate me, but you must love me too. 
You married me.
You got me drunk!
- Maybe I did.
I know it's a shock to wake up and find yourself married, but this is the first time it's happened to me too.
And you know something?
Cold sober, even with a hangover,
I kinda like it.
Mrs. Jerry Webster.
Don't you ever call me that again.
Plenty of girls would like to be Mrs. Jerry Webster.
I'm sure they have a right.
- Okay, so I've sown a few wild oats.
A few?
You can qualify for a farm loan!
Honey, you're starting off our marriage with a fight.
Oh no, I'm not.
I'm starting it with an annulment!
Carol, don't be so hasty.
Let's talk this over.
You listen. 
No alcoholic beverage, no drug, no torture could induce me to stay married to you!
Let's discuss this!
Where can I get this annulled?
Darling, it's only natural to be frightened.
Like olives, dear, you acquire a taste for it.
Get me New York City, Plaza 89970. 
I'll hold.
Hello, Pete? 
This is Jerry.
I'm in Maryland, but I don't know how.
I'll tell you.
You ate some of those poison pellets your Frankenstein friend
Tyler came up with.
Candy nothing! 
That stuff turns into pure alcohol.
That explains it.
What about the ad council?
They found Northcross barricaded in the ladies' lounge at Radio City Music Hall.
Williams was on stage, dancing with the Rockettes.
And Magnussen just washed up on the beach at Waikiki.
Yeah, he's alive.
Can't find the District Attorney.
Is he gray haired with a moustache?
He was best man at my wedding.
Relax, Pete.
I'm gonna sign the confession.
I'm taking the rap for everything.
- You're not taking the rap alone.
I'll see that Hadley signs too.
That won't be necessary.
- Excuse me.
There are two men here to see you.
It's the FBI!
Send them in here.
I don't want you to think I'm abandoning you.
The same lawyers who drew up this document will break it.
I'll get you a fair trial if I have to buy out the jury.
Thanks.
Mr. Ramsey?
I'm Ramsey. 
But Jerry Webster is responsible for Vip.
He invented it. 
He dreamed it up.
Is that true?
- Yes.
It's all right here. 
- Don't say a word till I get the lawyers.
We don't need lawyers here, Mr. Webster.
Now, what is your price?
Price?
- We represent the liquor industry.
How much did it take to burn that formula?
Well, I, uh...
You don't seem to realize what you're asking me to do.
The government'll stop you anyway.
With that candy, we lose money.
Now, name your price.
Let's see.
The liquor industry spends 60 million a year in advertising. 
- Right.
And we're prepared to give you 20% of our billing.
You can open your own agency with that.
25%.
- Agreed.
You're not going to give the account to me. 
Give it to Mrs...
That is...
Miss Carol Templeton, of Bracket, McGalpin  Gaines.
If that's what you want.
- It is.
Shall we?
Our attorneys will draw up an agreement. 
- Fine.
No.
Send it to San Francisco.
I'm moving to our West Coast office.
Very well.
Thank you, Mr. Webster.
Thank you.
Are you taking Mr. Webster?
- No, he's going to San Francisco.
San Francisco?
Alcatraz!
This one. 
This one I don't need.
Take all of these.
Oh, Pete. 
I'll be leaving tonight.
We'll miss you, boy.
- I'm taking Kelly with me.
If anybody can do it, you can.
Hello, Mr. Webster.
This is Milly, Miss Templeton's secretary.
You know how you married that girl 9 months ago and she annulled it?
Well, it seems there was something she couldn't annul.
I think every man has a right to know when he's about to become a father.
Got the marriage license.
The judge'll waive the 3-day wait.
I can marry you immediately.
The ring! 
I haven't got it!
- Here, you can use mine.
Yours?
I've been carrying it for years.
I believe in being prepared.
Carol, please listen to me.
- I will not marry you.
Now go away, I'm busy.
- Darling, I love you.
You don't. 
You went to California and forgot me.
Forgot you? 
I sent you hundreds of letters, 1 every day for 8 months.
And the ninth month, when I needed you most, not a word!
I didn't know it was happening.
You sent back every letter, unopened.
If you loved me, you'd have kept writing. 
- I do love you.
Please marry me!
I'll think about it. 
I don't want to rush into anything.
You listen to me! 
You're going to have my baby, my son...
It's my baby and I'll have what I want: 
I decided on a girl.
Whatever makes you happy.
I love you both. 
Will you marry me?
I always wanted a church wedding.
The next baby.
Please say yes!
Oh... 
Yes!
Judge?
- Join hands please.
We're gathered here to unite this man and this woman I trust it will symbolize your union.
By the powers vested in me by the state of New York,
I now pronounce you man and wife.
Man!
That's what I call cutting it close!

AUGUST 9 1792
"king LOUIS XVI IS STILL SITTING ON HIS MOTH-EATEN THRONE.
THE PEOPLE OF PARIS ARE GETTING READY TO OVERTHROW IT."
The Austrians come to the King's rescue!
They threaten to burn Paris!
The people demand the King's removal!
Ask for your copy of "L'Ami du people"!
- Catherine!
- Yes?
You coming?
We're taking the Tuileries.
Thanks, but I already took the Bastille, and that's enough for me. 
Best of luck!
Beautiful days lie ahead.
- Shit!
- What happened?
Push harder!
What do you have in those arms?
Here.
Come on. 
Let's do this!
It's a good thing I'm here.
Come on, kids.
It fights back!
It's a monarchist cannon.
You, back there, the sculptor-- have you finished kneading the clay, Michelangelo?
It's not clay, it's marble.
Well, mind yours and leave mine alone.
I don't like people getting too close with their hands.
Higher, I said. 
Higher.
There.
You wanted it, you got it.
I'm considering starting over for the same price.
Next time it'll cost you more.
I didn't do it on purpose. 
It's not my fault you have such a nice bottom.
It's not my fault you have such nice cheeks.
Thanks for helping out.
At your service, citizen.
And no hard feelings.
If it swells up, put a compress on it.
If it gets as big as your beauty, my head will be like this!
Hey, enough of that already!
Let the rebels through.
- Long live the sans-culottes!
- Long live the sans-culottes!
Come on, Marie.
We're going back to the shop.
If I were you, I'd avoid the Tuileries.
There's sure to be some commotion down there.
All the more reason to go and see!
# Let us dance the Carmagnole, long live the sound. #
We came here from Marseille to fight.
What do we do now?
- Do we take the Tuileries or not?
- The Tuileries!
There are over 2000 Swiss guards there, armed to the teeth.
Switzerland this, Switzerland that.
What's France then, shit?
- Death to the tyrant!
- Down with the King!
Down!
Death to the tyrant!
Down!
It's Sans-Gene.
What are you doing here?
The same as you. I'm watching the Swiss, and it's not a pretty sight.
If they like the king so much, they should take him with them.
You're right.
Catherine, look!
Hey, hurry up!
What's going on?
Are shots being fired in my courtyard?
A cannon!
They put a cannon in my courtyard!
Where do you think you're going, citizen?
He's asking me where l'm going!
To my place, of course!
Prove it. 
Do you have a certificate of accommodation?
You have a certificate of stupidity on your face.
Respect the revolution, would you?
This idiot would skewer me.
Sergeant Lefebvre's orders.
You're not coming through.
- And where is Sergeant Lefebvre?
- Over there. 
The tall, quiet one.
I've gotten through, you see? 
Idiot!
All right, now try to get out.
Those vandals, how could they?
Look at this mess!
You couldn't stop them from getting in?
They didn't ask for our opinion.
Use the tubs to move the dirt.
- Hey, who's in charge here?
- The people.
This is my courtyard. I'm the people here. 
And the people are sovereign.
Take your little cannon back to where you found it.
You have five minutes.
And one minute to get out of here.
Move, citizen.
Can't you see you're in the way?
I guess I'm feeling too at home now.
Fricasse! 
Get rid of the citizen for me.
We'll see who gets rid of whom. 
There!
It's you. 
What are you doing here?
And you? 
Did you choose my courtyard on purpose?
- Your courtyard?
- Precisely. 
You're in my space, here.
Well then, everything's all right.
No, it's not.
Go on, don't stay there.
Go back home and behave yourself.
Always obey your superiors.
I'll find you a superior, and we'll see who gets rid of whom. 
Here!
Watch my shop, I'll be right back.
My little Bonaparte, I'm so glad you're here. I need a big favor.
- What is it this time?
- Patriots put a cannon in my courtyard.
- What?
- Yes, a cannon. 
And they won't leave.
Tell them to move it. 
You're an officer, they'll listen to you.
What do the patriots want with a cannon?
- To fire it, of course.
- On whom?
On the Tuileries. 
Let's go.
Where's your jacket? 
There.
What do they want to do, expel the king?
- And replace him with whom?
- Not with you, of course!
You should be happy to host them.
You applaud when they march on the street.
On the street, yes, but not in my courtyard.
The French-- you're all the same.
The revolution passes by, you applaud.
But if it wants to come in, you slam the door in its face.
You don't invite the revolution over, it could break a vase.
- All you do is talk. 
Let's go.
- l'll tell your patriots to go to hell.
- What is it now?
- That's no reason to burn my supper.
Hurry up.
Your sword. 
You never know. 
Here.
Come. 
Come.
Go on, little Lieutenant, I'll back you up.
Use your sword to get these loudmouths out of here.
- You'll be rid of them in five minutes.
- Let the lieutenant through!
Look, reinforcements.
It's a gunner. 
Perfect timing.
Get up, Blanchet.
Let the captain through.
Let the general through.
They don't know what's in store for them.
Who's in charge here?
There must be a post commander.
- l am.
- Yes, of course.
We're organized. 
Sergeant.
- Hello, Citizen Lieutenant.
- Hello.
Providence sent you.
We need a gun layer.
All you have to do is command.
Go ahead, command them so we can have a laugh.
What do you expect to do with this cannon?
Blow the Tuileries up to see what lies behind it. 
Not a bad position, eh?
Yes, the first shot will send the archbishop right up into the sky.
First the priests, then the king!
- Long live the nation!
- Long live the nation!
This thing can't stay here.
- Bravo!
- Long live the lieutenant!
You don't have enough recoil.
- What should we do?
- Let me see here.
The cannon, here.
- What do you mean, here? 
You're crazy!
- She's right, the gate's in the way.
- lf the gate's in the way, take it off!
- Yes, that's it! 
Take the gate off!
Leave the gate alone!
No, you're crazy!
- Leave the gate alone, you savages! 
No!
- Come on, citizen.
Let go of me, you brutes.
You big monkey!
- Let us work.
- Vandals!
- My word, she bit me!
- Calm or I'll squash you like a snail.
You're a snail. 
What kind of shell are you trailing along? 
You!
- Again.
- You, Lieutenant of cannibals, is this your idea of telling them to go to hell?
Yes. 
Good luck, citizens.
No, either you stay here or you take the cannon away.
Take the cannon away? 
You're crazy.
The lieutenant will stay with us.
I'm sorry, but my business here is done.
What? 
Where are you going?
Are you for or against the revolution?
Me? 
I'm for the artillery.
Don't run off like that.
It would be too easy, Bonaparte.
Not Bonaparte.
Buonaparte with a "U."
Yes, with a "U." That's what I thought.
Go on, go sleep.
We don't need you for the revolution.
We'll do it ourselves.
By the order of the Commune of Paris, the assault will be launched tomorrow morning.
- Yes.
- Alarms will sound the time of battle.
Stay on guard until then.
Long live the nation!
- Long live the nation!
- Long live the nation!
- You're staying until tomorrow morning?
- You heard him.
- Here?
- Here and there, yes.
- Everyone?
- Everyone.
You really think I'm spending the night alone with 18 sans-culottes?
No, you won't be all alone.
I'm staying with you.
- Me too!
- Thank you, but let's skip the formalities.
Don't let them near you on the pretense of taking the Tuileries.
- No!
- l'm married but that's not a reason.
I'm not married, but that's not a reason either.
Timid virgins, for you, the triumphant revolution will mean liberty, all liberties.
If one day you want to marry an educated, good-looking man who likes order and virtue, like me, for example, just to give you an idea, all it takes is mutual consent and we'll be man and wife.
That's revolution, that's liberty.
That's universal happiness.
Long live the nation!
Citizen Fricasse.
I swear, I'd rather take you than the Tuileries.
That might prove more difficult.
Here. 
You won't go into battle with a shirt full of holes.
The bullets will go through them.
- A pretty shirt with lace.
- You'll fancy yourself an aristocrat.
You'll call out, "Long live the king!" and "Down with the nation!"
- You're just jealous.
- What will your customers say?
Nothing at all.
They all left without paying.
With a shirt like this, you don't want to get yourself killed anymore.
Serve yourselves. 
Here.
- Hey, you. 
Catch.
- Thank you.
- Here.
- And me?
If you can't have the skin of aristocrats, you can at least have their shirts.
Look at how pretty I am.
- This is for you, you big brute.
- What will I look like in this?
Like a man in a shirt. 
Are you afraid your wife will ask where you got it?
I don't have a wife.
Unfortunately.
So, your gate.
Hey!
Yes?
After we take the Tuileries, I'll put it back in place.
- Are you still thinking about that?
- Fernand!
Look at the state I find you in, lazybones.
Listen, Sophie, I'll explain.
There's no need.
One look at you says it all:
a courtesan who looks like a girl from the Royal Palace;
And he, a family man.
is that what your revolution is about?
Looking good?
Would you come home immediately?
But, Sophie, I can't. I'm a rebel, I have to take the Tuileries.
There are others.
They'll take the Tuileries without you.
Were you burned?
Citizen Lefebvre, your presence is requested. 
Come quick.
- l'm going out.
- l see that.
- Commune de Paris, how many are you?
- 18.
- How many guns?
- Four.
- That's not very much.
- We'll manage.
Go to sleep, I'll keep watch.
- lt's stuffy in there.
- lt's true.
- Are you keeping watch?
- Yes.
- lt's a long wait, isn't it?
- lt depends.
- What are you waiting for?
- The alarm.
You have get-togethers.
They're necessary.
At least they're talkative.
- Can you hear what they're saying?
- Yes.
- l have a cat.
- No. 
And you talk to him?
Yes, often.
I have a room at 16 rue de l'Arbre-Sec.
Why are you telling me that?
If I were to get killed, would you take care of my cat?
What an idea.
You don't just die like that.
Her name is Therese, it's a female cat.
My name is Catherine.
And yours?
Francois.
What is it?
Why are you looking at me like that?
If I were to get killed--
Again! 
You can't die twice in a row.
If I were to get killed, my head-- 
- What?
- Would you remember my head?
Your head. lt's like laundry, I'll mark it so I recognize it.
Long live the nation!
Long live the nation!
Long live the revolution!
Down with the king!
Long live the nation!
Long live the nation!
Down with the king!
Long live the nation!
All right, enough of that.
Everyone to their posts.
Fill up the cannon. 
Fricasse!
That's fine, stay where you are.
I'll light the wick myself.
- Blanchet!
- Yes?
Move the citizens back.
- Prevent them from coming through.
- Go on, move back!
It won't be a loss for everyone, right?
- Yes.
- Watch out in the front!
Leave the cannon there, it's useless.
Go on, take your weapons.
Are you coming, Fricasse?
What are you waiting for?
I was waiting for you to fire the cannon.
That happened a long time ago, you idiot!
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Did you hear anything?
- No.
Okay, stay there. I'll go deal with the king, and I'll be back.
Lefebvre!
You didn't think I'd leave like that, did you?
- Promise me.
- Yes.
And if someone does get killed, it won't be me. I'll be the one to tell you.
Stay here.
Don't be reckless, now's not the time.
Women to the back.
To the back!
You always have to mix in with the men.
You're completely crazy.
It's a real slaughterhouse over there.
Catherine. 
They're firing from all sides. 
That was a close call.
Citizen Fouche, what are you doing here?
- Taking cover. imagine that.
- Yes, waiting for this to pass.
Why aren't you down there with them?
I don't have a weapon. 
Besides, I'm a representative of the people.
My place is at the Assembly, with the nation.
- Why aren't you at the Assembly?
- l'll go there straightaway, but I do have to get there in one piece.
All it takes is for a bullet to miss its mark.
My life belongs to the nation.
I don't have the right to dispose of it.
I think you can go now.
# Arise children of the fatherland #
# The day of glory has arrived. #
Marcel, go back home!
Go right now or I'll call your father.
These kids! 
We haven't been able to keep them in since we took the Tuileries.
So, Francois-- l don't like it when you call me Francois.
- Why not?
- l don't know, it's just a thought, but everyone can be called Francois.
As for Lefebvre...
For me, there's only one Francois and one Lefebvre, and they're the same.
And I have him all to myself.
What did you want to tell me?
It slipped my mind.
So, Therese, are you happy with me?
Little Menard is taking piano lessons.
Sunday.
You want to go for a stroll in Creil?
We could take the stagecoach.
Yes, we could invite Fricasse and Heloiise to come along.
Sunday. 
That's in five days.
Say, Lefebvre, you want to go right away?
And not go back into battle?
Not right away. 
Soon.
I don't want us to part like this.
Because now, without you-- 
- Weren't you all alone before?
- Yes, almost.
But I didn't think about it.
I didn't know you existed.
But now you're on one side and I'm on the other.
It would leave a big void, you understand?
My Lefebvre.
My Francois Lefebvre, my sergeant, my superior.
I thought things would calm down after the Tuileries.
Me too. 
But it's not settled.
The whole world is against us, and all because we want to be free.
And don't the others want to be free, too?
Yes, but they're forced not to be.
If there was nothing but the people, everything would be better.
The king lost his throne at the Tuileries, but he won Europe.
All the other kings feel like they've been stung in the ass by the patriots, and kings don't like to be stung in the ass.
Especially if they're sitting on the throne.
That's why the country is at risk down in Marseille and on the Rhine.
We can't leave it like that.
Say, Catherine, are you mad at me?
Of course not.
But do you think we could go to Creil on Sunday, in the stagecoach?
Yes, we'll go to Creil.
- Do you like going to Creil?
- Do I like going to Creil?
- The war will be over in two months.
- You think?
It's inevitable. 
A unified nation marches like a single man.
I so wish that today were Sunday.
Patience, my dear. 
Patience.
This is it, Lefebvre, we're leaving.
The battalion will be here in two minutes.
I'll say goodbye to Heloiise.
When I think that we were supposed to go to Creil together on Sunday...
You'll see, Catherine.
We'll also go to Creil another day.
Go on. 
Hurry and get it over with.
You're a real woman.
You're taking this well.
- You are too.
- Yes... but this is my profession.
All right. 
The sooner I leave, the better.
And the sooner I'll be back.
Hurry up then. lt hurts less.
All right then.
All right.
I really like you, you know?
Don't say it.
Go on.
Cheer up. I'll take care of Lefebvre, you take care of Heloiise.
Hey, Catherine. I joined to piss off my wife, and she thinks I'm angling!
Hi, Catherine.
Catherine, I came to say my goodbyes.
You're also leaving for the Rhine?
The Rhine?
What would I do there?
I went to Saint-Cyr to fetch my sister.
Say hello, Elisa.
- l'm taking her to Corsica.
- To Corsica?
Yes, it's safer.
France is no place for young ladies.
You're off to Corsica, Lieutenant.
You don't give a damn about the country, then?
What country?
Corsica is my country.
It's not a country, it's an island.
An island for a man like you.
I wonder what you'll do on an island.
I'll try my luck. 
My future is there.
This is a blasted place for me.
Blasted? 
If that isn't a disgrace...
Here's your shirt.
You owe me 26 launderings.
- 26 launderings?
- Yes.
- l only have two shirts.
- Yes, but I washed them 26 times.
Go on, don't worry.
Pay me another time.
You're right to return home with your sister. 
You're not fit to command.
You're right.
Goodbye, Sans-Gene.
No hard feelings.
Poor man, I feel sorry for him.
4 YEARS LATER - "THE POOR GUY" WAS chief GENERAL OF THE Italian ARMY.
What is this mess?
Forward!
Are you former soldiers of the regime or soldiers of the Republic?
Do you think this is a parade?
Are you watching the procession?
Brigaud, clear the bridge immediately.
Artillery first. 
That's the priority.
Infantry after.
But the horse and carriages will cause a major delay.
To hell with them!
Have them ford the river.
Hey, you,
Hey, you, the infantry and supply corps have to ford the river down that way.
Everyone else, keep going.
Superior order. 
No arguing.
Let's go. 
Faster.
Carriages, that way. 
Ford the river.
Go on, clear the way. 
Hurry up.
That way. 
Follow the others.
Be careful. 
Go on.
Hey!
What is it now?
Hold on tight, we're going into the water.
What for?
General Bonaparte doesn't want us to cross the bridge.
Bonaparte! 
We haven't heard the last out of him.
Whose idea was it to go fight in Italy?
Italy hasn't done anything to us.
Why not Russia while we're at it?
You don't seem very fond of him.
What did he do to you?
It's his fault that I'm here now, chasing after my man.
In four years of battle, we've only seen each other once, just long enough to marry.
No leaves. 
No news.
I thought he was still in the Rhine army.
But no, he was transferred to Italy.
I tried to get a permit. lt was no use!
You should have stayed at home.
If you get captured here... I have two words to say to Bonaparte.
Who does he have to thank for being where he is now?
If we hadn't been there on August 10, he wouldn't be here today, that poorly laundered urchin.
It's rising, it's rising!
Make no mistake, Bonaparte isn't waging war on the Italians, he's waging war on me!
I'm going to die.
Bonaparte. 
Hey, stop!
I could never do it.
If you can do it with one, you can do it with them all.
Last week it was the Austrians, this week it's the French.
Look how happy they are to see us, the true queens that we are.
There are men who don't cheat on their wives.
Yeah, the dead ones!
Men are even worse than we are.
Put yourself in their shoes.
They're deprived.
You left a place like Paris to chase after a man?
- Yes, of course.
- He must be something else.
- He's my husband!
- You call a husband a man?
- That depends.
- Look at them.
- Look at them.
- Hello.
They're crazy! 
I'm getting off.
- You're being silly.
- l'm getting off.
Hello!
Wait. 
Wait a moment.
Let's go.
Come with me-- to the back.
Captain Lefebvre wants to have a word with you.
Coming through!
Jerk!
- Wait here.
- Yes. I'll come see you
- after I'm done with the captain.
- Thank you.
Captain, she's here.
How is she?
You're excused.
See you soon.
- Go on, get out of here.
- Why?
He's my husband.
- Well, if he's your husband...
- Don't speak!
...that's another story.
Catherine, it's you.
Yes, it's me.
I swear I've never cheated on you.
And I swear I've never slapped you.
This is what I crossed the Alps for?
Bastard!
Catherine, open up!
Open up, Catherine! 
I'll explain!
Catherine! 
No!
I'll be right back.
Catherine.
- Catherine's here.
- l know, you idiot!
Catherine!
Catherine!
Catherine!
Catherine!
Catherine!
Catherine, listen to me!
Catherine!
Catherine, don't be silly!
Go away, I don't want to see you anymore. 
Go!
Catherine!
Go away, I don't want to see you anymore.
- Catherine.
- Don't touch me.
- Listen to me.
- Don't touch me!
Catherine.
This is silly.
Let me explain.
- No! 
No!
- Listen to me. 
Come!
Come on, don't you think this is silly?
Be reasonable, Catherine.
You're right, this is silly. lt's over.
Catherine, I didn't cheat on you.
Perhaps I was going to, it's true.
Come on, you're underestimating yourself.
You have to understand that for a soldier...
Leave me alone.
- You're starting to annoy me.
- All right, it's okay.
Gently, all right?
So.
So, Augereau, where's that shelter?
We're almost there.
It's that farm over there.
Congratulations.
Who the hell sent these men?
- You're a dishonor to the Republic.
- Leave them.
They've earned the right to have fun.
They are men, after all.
And they fight for that, too.
You can't have the girls all to yourself.
Who's in charge here?
I said, who's in charge here?
Captain Lefebvre, Citizen General.
Go get him.
He's not here, Citizen General.
- What? 
He's not here?
- No, Citizen General.
Where is he?
He'll be back, Citizen General.
He left to go on patrol, Citizen General.
- And who is he on patrol with?
- He's alone, Citizen General.
is he with a girl?
No, Citizen General, on the contrary.
What do you mean, on the contrary?
Go on, call the lieutenant.
He's not here, Citizen General.
Congratulations, Augereau, you have a swell assistant.
This nitwit over here.
Where did your lieutenant go?
He must have left to find Captain Lefebvre, Citizen General.
Thus leaving the battalion in anarchy?
What a mess! 
No one in charge!
Pardon me, Citizen General, I'm the one in charge here-- Sergeant Fricasse.
It gets better!
Sergeants now serve as captains.
Soon privates will replace generals, right?
Negligence of service.
Abandonment of post.
You will shoot the captain at dawn, along with the lieutenant, of course.
Perfect. 
Since you refuse to answer my questions, both of you will be shot.
My poor little Catherine, to think that you came all this way only to die with me.
At least we'll stay together this way.
All the same, I find it strange to die here, in a mill.
- Why?
- lt's where l started.
My father was a miller.
- l remember when I was six years old...
- No memories! 
Now's not the time.
Think about the future instead, the future we no longer have.
Damn it, we have to get out.
- l don't want to die!
- Be brave, Catherine.
I am brave because I want to live.
That's all I know how to do.
I don't know how to die.
I never learned.
I haven't reached that age.
Listen-- artillery.
Do you think it's for us?
Do you think they'd kill us with a cannon?
Cannon or not, we'll be dead tonight anyway.
Not necessarily.
- Where are you going?
- Wait.
- Answer me, Lefebvre.
- You'll see.
- Well?
- Wait.
- Why are you doing that?
- Leave me be.
- Well?
- You're getting on my nerves!
- Getting on your nerves!
- Hey, next to you, there's a lever.
All you have to do is try and lift it with your shoulder.
- All I have to do is...
- That's right. lt's all you have to do.
- Hurry up.
- l'll still try it.
- Hurry up.
- Shut up, would you?
- Well?
- Shut up.
- Make an effort.
- Please don't get on my nerves.
Keep going a little more.
That's it.
It's going to work.
You have it?
Yes.
- ls that okay?
- Yes, it is.
Lower the lever. 
Lower the lever.
Careful, Lefebvre.
You're tickling me.
Now's not the time.
Follow me. 
Hurry up.
- The cows!
- Why?
Come on, let's go.
It's a surprise attack.
They'll massacre them.
- We have to warn them.
- How?
- Do you trust me?
- Yes, as long as we don't get shot.
Come on.
Wow, that's high.
Hold on to me, don't let me fall.
- There's no danger.
- Yes.
When I was a kid, the first time I climbed the blades of the mill, my dad kicked me in the ass.
I told you it was a bad time to get soft.
Here, grab on.
Lefebvre!
Grab one, we'll put them back in the mill.
My, he's heavy. 
Won't he wake up?
Wait. 
Watch out, hide!
Let me take care of this. 
Stay here.
- Here.
- Quick quick.
Come on.
What's going on? 
It's coming from over there. 
Let's go. 
Forward!
What does that mean? 
The Austrians?
I don't understand.
They were 20 leagues away.
That may be, but they're there now.
They're crazy.
What are they blowing up?
We'll teach them to make noise without my command. 
Let's go!
Soldiers! 
There's a mill up there full of Austrians.
Go pay them a visit.
Forward. 
Go!
I can't go any further.
I think I twisted my foot.
Lay down. 
Let me take a look.
- lt hurts.
- Hear that? 
It's the French.
Hey!
Wait for me.
Guard our prisoners.
- Watch out for the Austrians.
- They're far away.
Hey! 
Hey!
- What are you doing here?
- lt's me.
- lt's me, what?
- lt's me, Citizen General.
- lt's me.
- lt's me, who?
It's me, the one who blew that up right under your noses to alert you.
I'm in the 13th Battalion, Augereau Division.
I took the captain and the colonel prisoner.
- They're over there, as stiff as logs.
- Where are the others?
Over there. lf you want to catch them, you'll have to hurry up.
- You're brave. 
What's your name?
- Captain Lefebvre.
Lefebvre? 
Well, Captain Lefebvre, that was a close call.
I know a thing or two about that.
- You were almost shot too.
- You're telling me!
Rest assured that's all over now.
I'm promoting you to colonel.
Deal with the prisoners. 
Forward!
Colonel?
Thank you, Citizen General, thank you!
Catherine, I'm a colonel! 
A colonel!
Colonel?
- ls that a joke?
- Bonaparte himself promoted me.
- Bonaparte?
- Yes, Bonaparte.
How's your ankle?
Better, but walking's a different story.
I'll issue an order to have you evacuated to Paris, now that I have new responsibilities.
No, I'm not leaving you again.
Don't think you're going to war alone.
War is very serious, Catherine.
If it were that serious,
Bonaparte wouldn't have made you colonel.
BONAPARTE savior OF THE nation
BONAPARTE first CONSUL
BONAPARTE CONSUL FOR life
BONAPARTE first EMPEROR
NAPOLEON MASTER OF ALL EUROPE
You're our monarch, Sire, but you're also our brother.
Don't ask us to forget the affection that we, your brothers and sisters, feel for you.
Will that affection no longer be mutual?
Have you heard us?
The man you want to make king is a stranger to the family.
Give Westphalia to the Duke of Danzig?
Your Majesty is crazy.
Think about it, brother, the Duke of Danzig doesn't have what it takes to be king.
It's enough to make me die of laughter.
Die of shame, yes.
Westphalia is something.
Two million inhabitants.
It's a nice return.
Europe must absolutely not leave the family.
Don't you see, Jerome? 
The kingdom is slipping right through our fingers.
Say something!
There are times when I want to become English.
Yes, English.
Everyone in the family is served except me, the cursed one.
Your Majesty forced me to divorce.
I obeyed.
I thought I'd receive some compensation.
I don't know, Spain or ltaly-- something.
My wife was worth a throne.
What did I gain from all of that?
The title of rear admiral.
A floating kingdom.
And during that time,
Holland was given to that idiot Louis.
Joseph got Spain. 
Elisa, Tuscany.
Caroline got Naples.
And I was dispossessed.
I don't always agree with him, but...
So that's the size of Westphalia.
It's the size of a handkerchief.
Is that what all this fuss is about?
Give it to the Duke of Danzig and let's not talk about it anymore.
- Of course, you...
- I what?
- What are you trying to insinuate?
- You don't give a damn.
Your kingdom is your bed, and it has over two million inhabitants.
Yes, not counting the tourists.
Mrs. Murat, I was never Junot's mistress.
You have some nerve!
Stop stop, fools!
- You are dishonoring the family.
- Look who's talking, imbecile.
- Be careful-- 
- Stop stop!
I don't think anyone has worse luck than I when it comes to family.
All right, let's recapitulate:
Lucien is an ingrate;
Joseph, a libertine;
Louis is a cripple;
And Jerome is a mischief.
- But, Sire...
- And he's vain, mischievous, lazy, inept and deceitful.
As for you, ladies, we know what you are-- the family heritage, that which is owed to me.
I was dispossessed.
But what did you possess that you could be dispossessed of?
.
Europe should not leave the family.
You talk about it as though you conquered the land yourself.
Not leave the family. 
Really?
And where do you come from?
And where would you be if I hadn't elevated you to my level?
So low that you'd still be in Corsica, starving to death.
I had to go to Italy in search of food.
Useless mouths, full bellies.
And today you fight over a throne like dogs fighting over a bone in the mud.
This is for me! 
That's for me!
Give me Rome, and I'll give you Byzantium.
Give me Byzantium, and I'll give you Athens.
Take it then!
You want a piece of Europe?
Who wants a piece of Europe?
There won't be enough for everybody.
This is for you.
This is for you. 
This is for you.
Who wants a piece of England?
A piece of Italy? 
A piece of Austria?
Who wants a piece of Prussia? 
Take it!
Take Europe and bring it home with you!
Take it! 
I don't want to see you again!
Any more of that and I'd have gotten angry.
- Fouche!
- Sire.
- Go see the Duke of Danzig tomorrow.
- The Duke of Danzig. 
Yes, Sire.
You will tell him...
Yes, Sire.
I believe it's the best solution.
I heard everything.
Your Excellency.
- Are the duke and duchess inside?
- Yes, Your Excellency.
Perfect.
And in the duchess's mail?
Nothing, Your Excellency.
Nothing that's worth the price I pay you.
- And the duke, still no liaison?
- No, Your Excellency.
I question what you're doing here.
- Nothing, really.
- Nothing, Your Excellency.
I'll find you another position then.
- Whom shall I announce, Excellency?
- Me.
You'll introduce Mr. Esterel later on.
My God, it's so ugly.
- My dear Count?
- No, thank you. 
Never in the morning.
Would Your Excellency please follow me?
The duke and duchess are awaiting you.
- Come in, Fouche.
- Come in, dear Duke.
- Hello, dear Duke.
- Hello, dear Duke.
My respects, ma'am.
You'll have to excuse me.
I always iron Lefebvre's shirts.
- Yes, my dear Duke.
- We've forgotten how to be informal.
Everything is getting lost, don't you think, Zi-Zig?
Zi-Zig. 
That's me.
It's nicer than "Duke of Danzig," right?
Between us, does your wife call you Fou-Fou?
Our relationship is a little different.
I only call him the Duke of Danzig when we're in bed.
We joke around in bed, my dear little Duke of Danzig.
But otherwise, it's stupid to call old friends by their titles.
Like with the emperor. 
The idea of calling him Your Majesty-- no no.
I still picture him wearing his mended shirt.
To think that we haven't seen each other since the last time. lt's incredible.
I'd be surprised if he still remembered me, with the life he leads.
Well, you'll have the chance to see him again.
He asked me to invite you to a reception at the court. lt's in three days.
The court? 
Me? 
Hey, Zi-Zig, can you picture us at the court?
No, thank him on our behalf.
Tell him I'm very sorry, but I'm used to going to bed early.
- lt's an order, dear friend.
- An order for me?
- Come on, Catherine.
- He can invite me over for coffee then.
You don't have coffee with the emperor.
Too bad, then!
Maybe she does have good reason not to go to the Tuileries.
- Really?
- lt's safer.
Safer?
Why expose yourself to people who are eyeing you?
- What people?
- People.
People who would like to trip you and see you fall.
The emperor's sisters, for example.
- Are you saying everyone is eyeing me?
- Yes.
Well, in that case, I'll go to the Tuileries and we'll see who eats whom.
If they needle me, it'll get noisy.
Refrain from responding to them, that's all they want.
If, by chance, you find yourself on the verge of exploding, keep your eyes on me-- the snuffbox, the snort, the warning.
Good plan, Fouche.
In the days to come, will you remember that I was on your side in this matter?
That's all very nice, but what will I wear?
Very simple.
Court dress and jacket.
I went to see Mrs. Despeaux.
She'll take care of everything.
A court dress? 
With the train?
Yes.
- ls it useful?
- lt's essential for curtseying.
- l don't know how to curtsey.
- You'll learn.
Follow me and I'll have someone special teach you how.
Come, Zi-Zig, we'll curtsey.
- Let me introduce you to Mr. Esterel.
- Come, Zi-Zig.
He was once employed by Queen Marie Antoinette.
He is currently a professor of etiquette.
- You know the Duke and Duchess?
- Yes, I know Mrs. Lefebvre.
Pardon me, the Duchess.
You know, as for curtseys... lt's a habit to pick up. lt all depends on who you're bowing down to.
Of course, you can't always choose.
What are you doing? 
Are you moving?
This will serve as a train for the moment.
I'll get tangled up in it.
No, you'll see. 
There.
- All yours, my dear Count.
- Very well.
The Duchess would like to...
Call me Mrs. Lefebvre, as you just were.
We'll all feel more at ease.
I don't like fancy names either.
Very well. 
Watch me.
One, two, three.
A little bend in the knee will suffice.
One, two, three.
Easier said than done.
Your hand, Mrs. Lefebvre.
Make the same gestures as me.
One, two, three.
- Be quiet, Lefebvre.
- Again, please.
One, two, three.
Not bad.
- Please, no emotion.
- Yes, no emotion.
- Let's start over.
- Start over.
One, two, three.
- Thank you.
- Again.
One, two, three.
I did it, Zi-Zig, I did it!
Again, please.
- And less stiff this time.
- Yes.
One, two, three.
Did you see that, Zi-Zig?
It's fantastic!
I told you that you were made for life in the court.
For Napoleon's court, yes.
Skip the commentary, Mr. Esterel.
Now the curtsey.
All right, we'll try.
I like Mr. Esterel because he's good-humored.
Look at me, please.
I bow down like this, all the while gracefully supporting my hindquarters with my left leg.
And then I swoop down softly.
- All yours, madame.
- Yes, I understand.
- The right leg behind you.
- One moment.
- The right leg behind you. 
Bow.
- Yes.
And now swoop down.
A little more softly, if you please.
Swoop down.
- Swoop down.
- Swoop down? 
I'll end up on my ass!
No no. 
You're the epitome of grace.
Again.
There. 
Yes, perfect.
- lt's perfect?
- Yes.
- How's that?
- l believe that you are now prepared to go to the court, Duchess.
Thank you for your encouraging words.
I'll try to do you honor.
I promise you a triumph.
It's a pity you never keep your promises, dear Duke.
One, two, three!
The Duke and Duchess of Danzig.
- l'll be lucky if I get to the bottom.
- Don't be scared, I'm here.
- Are you scared?
- No, I'm nervous.
- Where's the empress?
- l don't see her.
- Shit!
- Come on, Catherine.
Stay calm.
Duke, His Majesty awaits you in his chambers.
- But first I have to-- - lf the Duke would please follow me.
Please excuse me.
The emperor... I'll be right back.
- Don't leave me! 
Lefebvre!
- Be strong!
- lt's not that bad.
- Hello, madame.
It's you! 
Where's the empress?
- She's ill. 
She won't be coming.
- Great! 
No curtsey.
Yes, to the emperor.
What? 
I won't curtsey to a former customer.
That's exactly the sort of thing you shouldn't say here.
Come with me, I'll introduce you to the more composed ladies.
- The train.
- You haven't forgotten that if I snort, it means you're heading down a dangerous path.
- A warning.
- Yes yes.
Mrs. Lauriston.
Mrs. de Turenne, Mrs. de Thomiere.
Of course, you know the Duchess of Danzig.
- By reputation.
- By reputation?
The Duke of Castiglione talks of you often.
The Duke of Castiglione?
Pierrot!
Yes, Augereau.
The Duke of Castiglione, Pierrot.
He's a good friend.
He comes over for soup often.
Beef soup, of course.
And what has he said about me?
Very kind things.
He holds you in high esteem.
He hides his game well. 
He has his way of expressing his esteem for me.
You wouldn't believe what he does to make Zi-Zig mad.
No, I can't tell you what he does.
is Mr. Fouche hindering you? 
Fouche, distance yourself for a moment.
- Would you like me to...
- Yes.
No, please. I can say it in front of him.
He knows Augereau as well as I do, and that as soon as he sees a woman, he can't stop himself from pinching her...
You may sit down now.
What was I saying? 
Augereau just came and pinched my behind.
You're lucky that Zi-Zig is talking with the emperor.
Lefebvre, I've decided you would do me a great service by accepting the crown of Westphalia.
- The crown?
- Yes, Lefebvre.
- And the throne?
- The crown and the throne, yes.
I don't understand.
- Does that mean I would be king?
- Yes.
- And my wife would be queen?
- Of course.
Sire, it's too much.
Pull yourself together.
You handled it better in Danzig.
I'd already seen battle in Danzig.
And this is the first time I've been named king.
You've taken me by surprise.
- Are you pleased?
- So pleased that I don't feel anything.
You'll quickly get used to the idea.
It's a habit to pick up.
We drove away the kings and now we need someone to take their place.
The Republic has its advantages, doesn't it?
We wouldn't be here without it.
You're telling me.
As of now, you are officially the King of Westphalia. 
You may be seated.
Thank you, Sire.
Here, your kingdom.
My wife will be pleased to find out.
And that's how I met Lefebvre.
It's a pleasure to listen to you.
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
Since the Duchess of Danzig doesn't want to come and greet us...
Leave her exactly where she is.
I intend for her to stay where she is, in her place.
Come, Jerome.
There's nothing more amusing than dethroning a queen before she's crowned.
Curtsey, dear friend. 
Curtsey.
Pardon me.
If Their Imperial Highnesses would deign to allow me to introduce the Duchess of Danzig...
Her Imperial Highness, the Queen of Naples, Grand Duchess of Bergues.
Your Highness.
Her Imperial Highness, the Princess of Lucca and Piombino.
Your Highness.
Her Imperial Highness, the Princess of Borghese, Grand Duchess of Guastalla.
Your-- damn, I muddled that one.
I did what I could.
What do you want me to do?
It's like mayonnaise, sometimes it takes...
His Imperial Highness, Prince Jerome Bonaparte.
Again? 
This time I'll get it right.
That shut you up, eh?
You can be proud of your student.
He's the one who made me rehearse.
You hid this one from us, Fouche.
Congratulations.
You have a student that will certainly make great progress.
You do have a lot to learn indeed.
I don't agree with that at all.
But with him, if I stumble, I know I'll always fall on my hind legs.
Your hind legs, really? 
I neglected to notice that we had hind legs.
If I understood correctly, your hind legs have never taken you to the Tuileries.
My goodness, no.
I've hesitated to come here.
I'm a little shy.
- No.
- Shy?
How do you get along with your customers, then?
- My customers?
- Yes, we heard that you were--
A laundress, yes.
You washed other people's dirty laundry.
- l was a laundress, after all.
- And it didn't make you nauseous?
Why? 
It's better to smell like soap than other things.
- No profession is without merit.
- There are only dirty jobs.
Washing a couple of your brother's shirts was not a dirty job.
That's when I met your brother, and you at the same time.
I don't recall.
I do. lt was in August of '92.
The funny thing is, if I hadn't been a laundress, I wouldn't be here tonight.
All of us are ladies of August 10, all in the same boat.
For, Your Highness, where would you and I be without August 10?
We all come from far away, and we have nothing to hide.
Look at Augereau.
His mother sold vegetables in the rue de Mouffetard.
Hey, Augereau! 
You can stay.
Don't be ashamed.
On the contrary, it honors us.
Like you, Jourdan, you were a shop boy.
And you, Massena, you started out by selling olives in the street.
No, not olives-- oranges.
Pardon me, Duke of Rivoli, that changes everything.
And I forgot your husband, Murat the brave.
What was the King of Naples?
A manservant for his innkeeper father.
And he must be very proud today when he hears people say "Your Highness."
The same people who once said, perhaps, "Hey, kid, change my plate."
We're an odd sort of nobility.
We descend not from crusaders, but from ourselves.
Yet another reason to keep that language and those manners out of the court.
- Mrs. Sans-Gene was a sutler.
- She thinks she's still at the camp.
When she slept with the privates.
- One day here, one day there.
- This one today, that one tomorrow.
- What?
- Please, madame.
Leave me alone!
So that's what you've been driving at.
Your Highness, "sleeping" has a different meaning for you than for me.
You should be the last ones to reproach me for the life I've led.
If it pleases Your Highnesses or not, the men I slept with had more respect for the woman I am and the name I carry than for you, the highnesses that you are!
I had my share of fun.
I had my share of fun across Europe.
And they knew they'd find me when they needed me-- to dress their wounds, to bring them something to drink.
The troops I slept with, some of them even fell asleep in my arms.
And to whom did I give his final kiss?
Sleep well, my sweet.
And now they all sleep alone, like that poor Fricasse.
Poor Fricasse.
My love stories are nice, aren't they?
You could laugh, if you had the courage.
Just by pouring a drink for the soldiers who won you a kingdom, I did more for your crown than you did.
You wouldn't even stoop down to pick up the crown that was soaked in their blood.
You'll regret saying that.
Did you see?
What?
Zi-Zig, Zi-Zig!
What's going on?
Nothing. 
Actually, something incredible.
- l keep wondering if I'm dreaming.
- Yes.
- No, not here. 
Come.
- The train! 
Wait!
I hope you're not stupid enough to play into the duchess's hands.
Explain your behavior then.
- Trust me.
- As if you could be trusted.
I trust myself, and I know myself well.
As you see, it wasn't a complete failure.
The Emperor!
Well, Elisa, you look as sullen as ever.
- You're still sulking, I see.
- l'm not sulking, Sire, I'm outraged.
There have been insults.
Insults? 
Affronts!
Your boss doesn't do things halfway.
A crown for each of us.
It sounds funny, doesn't it?
- Considering my states of service...
- Yes, but even so.
What's so incredible about it?
I followed procedure:
sergeant, captain, commander, colonel, general, marshal, duke and king.
- l have seniority!
- Yes, my Zi-Zig. 
Zi-Zig I.
- Mind your behavior, you're a queen.
- That's true.
Do you realize we're 200 meters away from my old shop?
We traveled 200 meters and it didn't seem very long.
A dream, August 10.
Do you remember that heat?
You were ready to lose your life to take the Tuileries and kick the king out.
Now we're in the Tuileries and I'm the king.
How are we going to reign?
You just have to give orders, I'm used to that.
What's a kingdom, after all, but a big barracks?
This damn train follows me around like a small dog.
Give me your hand.
This is how we'll walk in the middle of my people.
- Your people?
- Our people, our subjects.
There's no mistake you'll make a good despot.
I know my profession well.
We have to make a mark on history.
To do so, we just have to get noticed.
I'll have a personal guard... yes, two meters tall, dressed in yellow.
And everyone will use our money, your profile on one side of the coin, my profile on the other.
You'll have maids of honor and you'll never have to curtsey again.
They'll curtsey for you.
That's all very nice, but I don't want to leave Paris.
As the sovereign, you're obliged to your new country.
- l don't want to be Westphalian.
- You have to do what's required.
As long as we don't part.
You may be king, but I don't love you any more than before.
I had the feeling I couldn't love you any more than I did.
I know, I know.
Would you quit harping on about that?
Come on, you bumbling idiot, if the Duchess of Danzig spoke to your sisters irreverently, it's because they asked for it.
Sire, it's not about them, it's about me.
No, I don't want to talk about you.
I've made my decision and that's that.
Lefebvre shall be king.
Segur... you will seat the Westphalians in a row according to age.
The ceremony will commence 10 minutes after the parade.
The orders have been given, Sire.
Did Your Majesty read the foreign press this morning?
What does "The Times" say?
Like the others, pure garbage about the duchess and your sisters.
What do you want me to do about my sisters' poor reputation? 
Let's go!
The English press is mistaken to implicate you personally in this affair.
implicate me? 
In what law?
Please read me some of that wretched slander.
I couldn't insult you so.
An article entitled "The Emperor of Buffoons and the Queen of Fishwives."
I can't repeat such dreadful things.
They even dared call the Tuileries Ball the Barriers Ball. 
Despicable.
They insinuated that you were putting a fishwife on the throne.
A fishwife, for heaven's sake.
They claim that you're the laughingstock of Europe.
They also dared to put outrageous language in writing.
Justifiable, however, considering the duchess' own words.
They say, as she did, that you found your marshals in the mud, and that you picked your crown up from the blood of your victims.
Let's see, "Emperor of Cemeteries...
Blood-Soaked Clown." lt's loathsome.
The poor Duchess of Danzig could not have known that her tactless remarks would provoke such a spectacular scandal.
Alas, tonight she will be queen, and look who will console her.
- Lefebvre.
- Sire.
Listen to me. 
Your wife has made it very clear that she is not worthy of the high functions that were destined to her.
Thus, I've decided that you will divorce her as soon as possible and that you will marry the Margrave of Sandomir, one of the most illustrious families of the Holy Empire.
Lefebvre! 
Are we going?
It's happening now, isn't it?
Now, yes.
Let's go sit down for five minutes.
- What's going on? 
Tell me!
- Nothing, sit down.
So what did the emperor say to you?
You were as serious as popes, both of you.
Although popes on horses would be pretty strange.
Listen, Catherine.
What is it? 
You seem upset.
- l love you, you know.
- Me too.
I'm so happy. I get the feeling it's only just begun for you and me.
If I hurt you, would you hold it against me?
No, because you wouldn't have done it on purpose, being as clumsy as you are.
So did you hurt me?
- lt's not my fault, you know.
- ls it that serious?
The emperor doesn't want you to be queen.
That's it! 
And why not?
Because of what you said the other night.
- All right.
- Someone told him.
- So?
- He wasn't pleased.
The English press used that to mock him.
He doesn't like that.
What's it to him?
He doesn't even speak English.
You weren't too attached to the crown anyway.
That's true.
I found it too big for my small head.
After all, there are a lot of people who aren't kings, right?
So he wants to crown you without me?
Yes.
There's more to it than that.
- Yes.
- What?
He wants us to get divorced.
Get divorced?
The grandeur has gone to his head.
And what did he say when you refused?
What did he say?
Hey, Lefebvre. 
Look at me.
He ordered you to leave me and you said yes?
- l didn't say yes.
- So you said no?
I didn't say yes.
You didn't say anything.
You didn't say anything.
You think it's easy to say no to the emperor, after saying yes for 15 years?
No one has ever said no to him.
Then you would have been the first.
I would've liked to have seen you there.
He would have listened to me.
He would have seen that I'm a woman who loves her man.
I would have told him, "l have my Lefebvre and I'm keeping him.
We've been living together for too long.
We've been too happy, we've suffered too much together to be separated like that."
That's what you should have said to your emperor... if you loved me as much as I love you.
Catherine.
Tell me you're not mad at me.
Don't cry.
- l'm not.
- Hello there. 
Are you ready?
When you're seated on your throne, I'll no longer be able to pinch your bottom.
A queen's bottom. 
My queen!
You always make me laugh.
I see that you're emotional right now.
That's understandable.
You're not king every day.
Tomorrow she won't think about it again.
See you soon, friends.
- l'm a bastard.
- Yes.
I haven't told you everything.
He also wants me to marry a margrave.
Yes, a princess.
A Westphalian, to top it all off.
I don't know what she looks like.
I've never seen her.
All this falls on my head at the same time-- a crown, a throne, a divorce, a wife.
I'm really having a rough time.
He announced all this on the horse.
Yes, on the horse.
Catherine. I love you!
I've never loved you so much, I swear.
I love you more than anything in the world.
The emperor, when he's across from me, it's like there's no one else.
It's true, he intimidates me.
I don't know what I wouldn't give to be a sergeant again. 
Yes, a sergeant.
Marshal, sir. 
The gentlemen are waiting for Your Majesty.
- What should I do?
- Go fetch your little crown.
- Catherine...
- Hurry, you'll get scolded.
Marshal, sir. 
Marshal, sir.
If Your Majesty would please be seated.
- ls that Marshal Lefebvre?
- Yes, Your Highness.
He's an attractive man.
Hey.
- Who's that?
- Your future wife, the margrave.
- What are we waiting for?
- The emperor.
Yes, of course. 
The emperor.
- Yes, Sire, it's me.
- Finally.
You've come to give me your belated apologies, but it's too late, madame.
- But, Sire-- 
- Do not interrupt.
Did you think my court was a fish market?
Did you think you could make me the laughingstock of England?
- l didn't mean to-- 
- Sit down! 
Sit down.
- l suppose you know about my decision?
- Yes.
"Yes, Sire, with your permission."
- What did you say in response?
- Sire, I laughed in his face.
- Laughed in his face?
- Laughed, Sire. ln his face, Sire.
-Yes?
- He laughed harder than I did, Sire.
Yes. 
No one laughs in my face, madame!
Come on!
People are too scared of you.
A wink of Your Majesty's eye makes all of Europe tremble.
Except that I'm not Europe, and I won't let you divide me up.
I'm Lefebvre's wife. imagine that.
And if you think you can make a widow out of me without my permission--
Enough!
That behavior is unacceptable.
You are lucky. 
Yes, you are lucky to have been Lefebvre's wife.
But do not take advantage of the situation.
The punishment can exceed the gravity of the offense.
Relax.
Weigh your words, like me.
Later you'll regret saying too much.
Return Lefebvre to me and let's leave it at that.
Return him to me because you'll have to give him up anyway.
- Give him up? 
Me? 
Watch your words.
- Yes, Sire, you. 
Think about it.
You can send thousands of men off to fight each other.
You carve up kingdoms with your sword, and conquer other tyrants.
You can do everything except one thing:
Stop me from loving Lefebvre, and stop Lefebvre from loving me.
Trust me, Sire, love is not your field.
You don't take any risks.
You'd lose for once.
I'd like to know what Lefebvre thinks of all this.
He loves me without thinking about it, like breathing.
Why on earth would Lefebvre replace me, whom he loves, with a margrave that he doesn't care about?
She's a true aristocrat.
In her eyes, he'll never be more than an upstart.
There are glorious upstarts, madame.
Yes, and you would know something about that.
Has the Duke of Danzig not accepted all the honors bestowed upon him?
Yes, he has let himself be corrupted by his deference to you.
Corrupted!
Your frank words may take you farther than you can imagine, you know that?
Do not take advantage of my patience.
Your scandal alone would merit exile.
You have provoked a horrible scandal!
Yes, you can say it was a real scandal.
- l will not tolerate it.
- And you're right.
No one has the right to drag your flag in the mud, including your sisters.
How can you say that?
It's just that when people attack the army... I served in it too.
- You?
- That's right. I was a camp cook.
- No.
- And how? 
I was on the 15th line.
I didn't let go of Lefebvre.
We were in a lot of fights together.
You fought? 
You?
Yes, I was even decorated on the troops' front lines by that big oaf Augereau after my second injury.
What? 
You were injured?
Yes, that's probably why your sisters treated me like a tart.
lnjured?
Look, tell me I'm lying.
This is the second.
- lt's a very pretty injury.
- Yes, but it's not for you.
I won't show you the others, they're too intimate.
- Hey!
- You couldn't have said that earlier?
- What?
- Well, now that...
- There's nothing to brag about.
- That explains your language.
You speak like a...
can I say it without offending you?
Like a soldier!
I attended your school.
No one has ever spoken to me the way you have.
They were wrong not to.
It might have done you some good.
You have a habit of airing your dirty laundry in my chambers.
That was my profession, as if you didn't know it.
- As if I didn't know what?
- That I was a laundress.
A laundress?
I liked camp cook better.
Perhaps. 
But don't tell me you didn't recognize me.
I recognized you right away.
I was the one who washed your laundry when you were a lieutenant.
The Patriotes Hollandais Hotel?
It's just the two of us here.
You can remember me.
- No!
- Yes, my lieutenant.
- Sans-Gene.
- Bonaparte.
Yes, of course.
- l also said to myself-- 
- Yes, but you said it very quietly.
What a time, eh?
I only had a dozen shirts.
- No, two.
- Two dozen?
Two shirts, one of which was whole.
- Catherine.
- Yes, that's me.
You still owe me two Louis.
Pardon me, two Napoleons.
I'm terribly sorry, I don't have them on me.
That's okay, I can wait a little longer.
Catherine! 
Can this be?
Don't flatter me.
You're the one who's changed, not me.
You think so?
Did I age? 
Put on weight?
No, you became more grand.
No, you've changed.
You became friendly two minutes ago.
With Lieutenant Bonaparte, yes.
- You liked Lieutenant Bonaparte?
- l would have.
He looked like a prune.
I liked prunes.
That's all in the past, though.
We were all more casual back then.
- You know-- 
- Sorry?
Darn! 
Your Majesty, I'm sorry.
Yes, I didn't always eat until I was full in those days.
You're wrong about that, you ate a whole world.
Does Your Majesty remember when they fired a cannon from my place?
You asked me to come chase the rebels out of your courtyard!
I played quite a trick on you, didn't I?
Yes, you got a good laugh out of that one.
- My gate!
- What gate?
What gate?
You took my gate right off.
That's right!
And I'm sure you weren't very happy.
You didn't want to open it for me.
What a story.
And the idiot that I taught to aim!
Who knows where he stole the cannon from?
He couldn't even use it!
You made that half-wit the Marshal of France.
- lt was Lefebvre.
- That oaf was Lefebvre?
Precisely. 
And you were going to make that oaf king.
Fortunately, you've changed your mind.
- Because I've changed my mind.
- Yes, didn't you know it?
I also rescind your separation from Lefebvre.
- Since he's no longer King.
- Women.
When will I learn to resist their charms?
Thank you!
Thank you, my lieutenant.
You must admit you're glad I came.
But what will people think?
I certainly can't give the crown to Jerome.
Yes, you can. 
What's the difference?
One more king, one less king.
Jerome doesn't know what to do with himself. 
That'll keep him busy.
- Enter!
- Your Majesty, the King of Westphalia.
Sire, please forgive me for storming in like this, but I can't do this anymore.
I've always obeyed Your Majesty.
I said nothing when you made me a general. 
Or a marshal.
Or a duke. I've never protested.
But today I can't take it anymore.
I'm here to hand in my resignation.
For king, duke, everything.
I don't want to marry the margrave.
I can't help it.
I love my wife, Sire.
I know she's an idiot, but what can you do?
It's not a crime, after all.
Look to your left, Marshal.
Go on, kiss her. 
She defeated me.
It's the first battle I've lost.
- And I hope it's not the last!
- Lefebvre!
And I was going to make him a king!
You're excused now.
Your audience is concluded.
- Yes.
- l believe we have nothing more to say.
Indeed, madame.
I believe you have told me everything.
THE END

All right, get down.
-Where's his papers?
-They're all here.
Don't worry, Sergeant.
You'll find them all in order.
All right. 
Get in there!
Is that necessary?
-All I want is a nice, dry prison cell.
-Get moving!
Is the balloon still there, Captain?
It's whipping around a bit, but still waiting for us.
We'll need your blanket, Neb.
Captain?
I think the kid is scared.
Well, aren't you?
-You want a hand with that?
-No, sir.
I've got them both almost through.
Captain, do you think that balloon will fly in a big wind like this without busting open?
That's not the problem, Herbert.
The problem is whether it'll fly at all.
Captain?
We've never seen more than the top of it over the houses.
What if there's a whole regiment guarding it?
We'll just have to fight the whole regiment, Herbert.
Hey, Captain.
They're coming early.
Are we going through with it?
We've got no choice.
I see I shall have company.
How charming!
Won't you introduce me to these gentlemen?
Come on, prisoner.
Get their clothes.
Here.
-Here are the keys.
-Now, you both know what to do.
Yes, sir.
Come on, get out of here.
Halt!
Hurry up!
Come on!
Wait!
Don't let me fall!
Lighten the basket. 
We've got to gain height.
You all right?
Hey, Captain.
All right, let's get this rebel out of here.
That's a mighty long drop.
You sure you know everything about running this balloon?
Maybe this man could help us.
All right. 
Tie him up.
Now that we're up here, I suppose we should introduce ourselves.
-Captain Cyrus Harding.
-Captain, look, food.
This is Neb. 
Union soldier.
-I'm Herbert Brown, Pennsylvania Infantry.
-Watch it!
Don't all crowd to one side.
I know what uniform that is.
You're a Union war correspondent.
Very observant, young man.
Gideon Spilett, New York Herald.
How much food is in that box, Neb?
Enough for five days, maybe.
Four if Mr. Spilett decides to stay.
That all depends, of course, on where you're headed.
Wherever the wind takes us, Mr. Spilett.
Looks like your other guest is coming around.
You're my prisoner.
What's your name and rank?
Sergeant Pencroft.
Regiment?
Confederate Army.
That's all you'll get out of me.
Now listen, soldier.
You ever seen a burial at sea?
Well, you're dressed for one.
Only we're not over the sea.
We're over land, and about a mile up.
It's a long way up, Sergeant.
What these warriors are trying to say, Sergeant is that if you know anything about running this thing, you can stay.
Otherwise...
I can work it.
Do you mean you can bring this thing down when you like?
I can bring you down, but not necessarily alive.
The way this wind is running, we'll smash to a pulp when we hit land.
You offering parole?
That's all, rebel.
All right, then. 
Now hear my terms.
This gale is blowing due west.
Now, maybe we could come down in your lines, and maybe in mine.
Whichever it is, nobody is anybody's prisoner when we touch land.
Do you understand?
We all go our own way, and we don't discuss politics.
Otherwise, Yankees, you can just let this gale blow you to kingdom come.
All right, cut him loose.
Congratulations, Captain.
This was just the beginning.
We escaped, but only into the clutches of the greatest storm in American history.
Below us, when we could still see through the patches of angry clouds were smashed cities and forests torn up by their roots.
Then finally, the Earth disappeared from our view.
We were prisoners of the wind, helpless in the storm's mighty grip.
And we wondered how much longer would we remain aloft?
Would we ever set foot on the Earth again?
Hey, Captain...
Westward, Neb, still westward.
It's been four days.
Hey, looks like water.
It could be a lake.
Well, it's too big to be a river.
It's too big for either.
Must be the ocean.
Pencroft, take us down and we'll have a closer look.
It can't be the Pacific.
It can't be anything else.
You mean we've been carried clear across America?
It looks like it.
Captain, aren't we coming down awfully fast?
Pencroft, close the valve.
It's stuck!
We're going to hit the water and drown!
Can't you do something?
Get your hands off that rope!
It's caught across the opening.
Someone's got to get up there!
-I'm going up.
-No! 
Lighten the balloon.
Chuck out the rest of the sandbags.
Hurry, Captain. 
Hurry!
The valve, Captain!
Turn that valve, Captain!
Harder!
No, not that way!
No!
Thank you, Pencroft.
I'm glad I decided to let you stay.
Not you, Captain.
It's this valve bar you broke off.
-Hey, we're not dropping anymore.
-No, I got it closed.
You closed it permanently.
We can't get down anymore.
This was the only control we had.
Captain, the balloon, it's tearing open.
Everything! 
Throw out everything!
Throw out the food, too?
Food, clothes, everything loose.
We're still dropping, Mr. Spilett.
I suppose you'll want us to volunteer to go over the side next.
Listen!
It sounds like waves breaking on the shore.
Land!
Where?
Dead ahead, there.
We'll never stay up long enough to get there.
Everybody up on the ring.
Cut the basket loose.
-What for?
-The man's right.
There might be enough gas in the balloon to keep us afloat on the water.
Come on.
Get up there.
I can't.
Now look, you climb or you drown, soldier.
Now get up there!
All right. 
Now cut it off at these ropes.
Captain!
-I'm swimming in.
-You'd better not!
That's the way I'm going.
No!
Captain Harding! 
Captain Harding!
Captain Harding! 
It's me, Neb.
Did you see anything, Neb?
No. 
How about you?
Nothing. 
We went about a mile beyond where he dropped off.
-Not a sign.
-Maybe he's a bit further up that way.
He'd have to be the best swimmer in the world to get even this far.
-It won't hurt us to try.
-He's drowned.
You got no right to say that, do you hear me?
Maybe Spilett's seen something from the rocks.
Oysters, gentlemen?
How come you're not looking for the Captain, Mr. Spilett?
Because I'm looking for food instead.
Boy, did you ever see oysters that size before?
-It's almost supernatural, isn't it?
-Look at him.
He's interested in food while the Captain is still missing.
Take it easy, Neb.
You won't find him. 
Not alive, anyway.
I tell you he's drowned.
All right, Sergeant. 
Help yourself.
There. 
Get your health back.
-What, just raw like that?
-Sure. 
Why not?
No, thanks.
Come on, boy. 
Eat up! 
Come on!
Hey! 
Smoke!
Come on.
Captain Harding!
-Hey, Captain, are you all right?
-Yeah.
I knew you were alive, Captain.
Hey, didn't I tell you?
Didn't I tell you?
Neb, Herbert, you're all safe. 
Good.
Good morning, Captain. 
We missed you.
We would have found you sooner, Captain, if you hadn't hidden out in these rocks.
-Didn't you bring me here?
-No, sir. 
We saw your fire.
I wasn't capable of lighting a fire even if I'd had any matches.
And I hadn't.
None of us had, either.
I don't remember anything since I went under.
Obviously. 
Neb, he needs some hot food.
Bring some of those coals, and I'll cook up a giant oyster stew.
Where do you think this fire came from if the Captain didn't light it?
Of course he lit it somehow.
He just doesn't remember, that's all.
One giant oyster stew special, coming up.
-It smells good.
-It is, son.
Don't touch that, Captain.
It's the seasoning.
-What is it?
-Seaweed.
Captain, any idea where we are?
No.
That wind must have taken us thousands of miles.
-Fiji, maybe.
-Or New Zealand. 
Anywhere.
Anywhere? 
On the other hand, could be nowhere. 
Eh, Captain?
Gentlemen, we're going to climb that.
What for, Captain, the exercise?
No, for survival, Mr. Spilett.
From up there, we might be able to see where we are and how to escape.
Escape to where this time?
And on the way, we'll hunt and forage.
We need meat and vegetables.
And how will we kill the game?
You threw our only guns away.
-Herbert?
-Yes, sir?
-Have you still got your knife?
-Yes, sir.
Good. 
Then you and Neb will be spear-makers.
Pencroft, you'll be the vegetable-finder.
I'm in the Confederate Army, not yours.
The arrangement was, once we landed, I stopped being your prisoner.
The agreement was we'd go our own ways.
Either you come my way, under my command, or you can fend for yourself.
All right.
-I'll find vegetables.
-Good.
And don't try and eat any of the food you find until our cook has tasted it.
And who is "our cook"?
You are.
I'm a civilian.
I don't have to take orders from you, whatever army you're in.
That's legally correct, Mr. Spilett, but I was under the impression that you'd joined my command.
Joined? 
I was drafted.
Captain, why don't we turn this island into a democracy and elect a leader?
One who won't keep escaping to places which need escaping from.
Because all of us here are still at war, and I happen to be the ranking officer.
Still at war! 
All right, I'll cook.
I thought you would, Mr. Spilett.
I'm the butcher man. 
I'll keep you busy.
Hey, take it easy.
The landscape everywhere was a mixture of the strange and the beautiful.
Volcanoes surrounded by tropical palms and sandy beaches.
A riot of wonderful hues and fantastic colours.
And except for that fire we found on the first day there was no evidence that man had ever set foot here before.
We saw birds, and many overgrown plants, as if patches of nature had gone wild.
Ýt was a rugged trek upwards.
Our physical condition caused us to tire readily and we were never sure of our footing.
Then finally we came to the shore of what must have been the other side of the island.
So help me, whales.
Those aren't whales.
They're geysers.
Now we know where we can get a hot bath.
All right, gentlemen, we'll make this our rendezvous.
Now, Mr. Spilett, I'll take Neb.
You take Pencroft and Herbert.
Take them where, Captain?
To hunt for food.
Neb.
The animals will wait.
Let's take a swim.
Come on, Pencroft.
Help me! 
Help me!
Get down here!
You almost got him.
Don't let him get away!
Pencroft, the rope. 
Come on!
Come on!
Pull it!
I'll get him.
Here, get hold of this.
Don't let him get away!
Hang on, Pencroft!
Try and turn it over on its back.
Look after him, Spilett!
Try and get it over the edge!
Heave!
That's the best crab I ever cooked.
We'd be more impressed, Mr. Spilett, if you'd put it in the pot by yourself.
Dance!
Scoot in there. 
That a boy.
That's a mighty big crab.
Captain, how do you suppose it ever got that big?
-I'd like to know myself.
-From eating the giant oysters obviously.
-I guess I didn't help you much with it.
-You did all right, son.
No, I was scared.
It was the same with getting in the balloon.
I couldn't move until I was shot at.
One shot, and my mind was made up, too.
You don't understand.
I ran away from a battle.
I've been running ever since.
I got caught running away.
Son, your whole Union Army's been running from mine for the last three years.
Now we're running away from you.
You needn't feel special about it.
All right. 
We want to reach that crater before nightfall.
Just once more around to the top, Captain. 
Not too far.
Too far for me.
Oh, for the energy of youth.
Let's try a shortcut.
Give me the rope.
You mean you're going to lasso that, Captain?
Mr. Harding, permit me.
With pleasure, Mr. Spilett.
Don't you think you ought to stick to newspaper writing, Mr. Spilett?
Hey!
I'm surprised you're so handy with a rope, Mr. Spilett.
Now, you just watch a good balloonist climb one.
You just watch a gentleman.
Hey, he's doing it.
Good morning.
Look what we've got up here, giant mice.
There are some more.
Come on, Spilett.
We're going to try and catch some goat.
Get up! 
Get up there!
We can build a corral for these and keep them.
Yeah, there's nothing like cheese made from goat milk.
-Would you like that, Captain?
-Very nice, Neb.
Hey, Captain, can you see anything over there?
This is an island all right.
Nothing but water all around.
Hardly more than a volcano pushed its way up out of the sea.
Harding!
-Harding!
-What?
Look out there. 
It's a small boat.
It must be.
-It seems to be only drifting.
-Maybe we could use it to get away.
She's beautiful.
Better than that, she's alive.
-How about this one, Captain?
-Yeah, she's alive, too.
Well, here's one that isn't.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Will you have some of my soup, madam?
No, thank you.
Are you English?
No, ma'am. 
We're not English.
We're Americans.
It's made of shellfish.
A kind of French bouillabaisse.
There's only one kind of bouillabaisse.
-Auntie, you must have something.
-Leave me alone, child.
-Are you in charge?
-Yes, ma'am.
I take it that we're not in Marseilles in spite of what the gentleman offered us to eat.
No, ma'am.
We're somewhere in the Pacific.
On an island, to be exact.
But surely you weren't on our ship.
We came by balloon.
I beg your pardon?
I said, we came by-
Please don't talk nonsense.
I shall address myself to you.
But he's right, ma'am.
We were held in a Confederate prison and escaped in one of their observation balloons.
Yes, I'm quite sure of it.
But we can't possibly stay here.
How soon may we leave?
I'm not quite sure, ma'am.
My name is Lady Mary Fairchild.
And this is my niece, Elena.
Ma'am. 
My name is Cyrus Harding.
Captain in the United States Army Engineers.
I take it you've met these others.
But where's the sailor who was on our boat?
I'm sorry to have to tell you, ma'am, that he's dead.
I see now.
Then how soon do you propose to leave?
Just as soon as we build a boat.
I hope it will be soon.
We were travelling home from Valparaiso.
My brother, who is Elena's father, is British consul in Chile.
He didn't want her to make this voyage, but I promised him she would be safe.
-How are you, my dear?
-I'm much better, thank you, Auntie.
But I think we're both a little tired, don't you?
Yes, of course.
So if you will excuse us, gentlemen.
All right, gentlemen.
Gentlemen we'll sleep out here.
Each of us will take a two-hour watch on guard. 
I'll stand first.
-Neb, you next.
-Yes, sir.
Tomorrow we'll find timber for the boat.
One of us will stay here with the women.
I'll stay.
I thought you'd volunteer for that.
-Neb, you'll stay.
-Yes, sir.
This is magnificent country.
A man could write an inspired novel in a place like this.
Looks like a good stand of timber up there.
Supply of fresh water down here.
Pencroft, fill the cask.
Now look, I'm not...
Yes, sir.
Maybe we ought to move over to this side of the island permanently, Captain.
You read my mind, Herbert.
I think we ought to take a look down here on the beach first to see if there's a good place where we can build and launch the boat.
How do you expect to cut down trees this size with a stone axe?
By putting our backs into it, Mr. Spilett.
What a spooky place this is.
Looks like someone hung down ropes.
No, those are vine creepers.
They might have been hung there all the same, to climb up.
-Who'd want to climb up there?
-Who saved the Captain? 
Who built his fire?
-Maybe it grew there naturally.
-Vines don't grow out of solid rock.
Feels strong enough to take a man's weight.
Now, you stay down here.
I'll take a look.
"And so I have decided that a life such as this is no longer worth living.
"I therefore bequeath all my worldly possessions to whosoever...
"...shall discover my remains.
"A curse upon the brigands who have abandoned me to suffer and to die."
Signed, "Thomas Ayrton. 
August 13, 1862."
I'd trade all his worldly possessions for one good axe.
I wonder why he never drank this up.
Probably was a teetotaller.
It tastes.... 
It smells mighty good.
If you're looking for a story to write there's a great one in that diary for you, Mr. Spilett.
You know, Herbert, you're right.
Thomas Ayrton, honest seaman, falls in with a gang of cutthroat pirates and is cast away by them on this mysterious island with his tongue cut out so he won't reveal their secrets.
Alone, he degenerates into animal savagery and finally, disgusted with his bestiality insane with hunger for the human company-
Just a minute now, Mr. Spilett.
Isn't all that just a little flowery?
That's what the reading public wants today.
He hangs himself from the rafters of a prehistoric cave.
The death of an ex-pirate.
"Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!"
What's wrong with you?
Up the Jolly Roger!
"Fifteen men on a dead man's chest"
He's been swizzling this stuff.
This is our place, and everything in it.
Says so in his diary.
That's quite true, Pencroft.
This is ideal.
Perfect shelter, perfect safety.
And a fine place from which to carry out our boat building operations.
And, if I may say so, gentlemen solid as a rock.
We called our new place "The Granite House."
And our proudest achievement was the construction of a homemade elevator.
A real engineering feat.
Ýt made it easier for us to bring in whatever provisions we could find.
We attempted to equip the place with as many modern conveniences as we knew how.
The women added a few welcomed, feminine touches which turned the cave into a home while we went off to attend to the other work.
There was timber to cut, and the boat which had to be built.
None of it was easy.
We lived like primitive men, using primitive implements.
But ingenuity and hard work were our most valuable tools in our struggle to survive.
One tree down, but it took us days.
And whatever we did accomplish, we still lacked many things that would make life bearable.
And then, one afternoon, Neb found something at the water's edge.
Captain, these knots are tied sailor-fashion.
Hey!
-Look at that!
-Captain, rifles!
Breach loaders and ammunition!
Hey, Captain, what's in this box?
It's a compass, charts and a sextant! 
We'll be able to find out where we are.
There are hammers, saws, nails.
Hey, ladies, look at this.
Plenty of pots and pans.
Also a looking glass. 
And hairpins.
Hey, a telescope!
Man, there's nothing this chest ain't got.
Whoever packed this certainly knew what we needed.
And exactly what we ought to read.
"The Life and Adventures of Robinson Crusoe."
Sorry.
It's mighty nice of you to do this for me, Elena.
I intend to do it for all of you.
It's part of my job.
Captain Harding's order.
Front, please.
Mr. Spilett...
Thank you.
A few of the comforts of civilization make life quite bearable.
That depends on how many comforts one's been used to.
I'd say you'd never done yourself badly, ma'am.
Why should I? 
But don't let that mislead you.
I'm the best shot in the county, and I think I could outride you at any time.
Probably outdrink you as well.
That's something we must put to the test at a later date, ma'am.
At the moment, my main comfort is your presence.
I'm not in much of a hurry to leave this island now.
Well, I'm delighted to have met you, Mr. Spilett.
I'd be even more delighted if I knew where we were.
-Have you finished your calculations?
-Yes, ma'am. 
We're here.
36 degrees south, 153 degrees west.
How interesting.
Now I shall be able to say to my friends, "Do you know Mr. Spilett?
"We ran into each other 36 degrees south, 150 degrees west."
So much more intriguing than the usual places.
And of course, this large body of land is New Zealand.
New Zealand! 
How convenient.
I have a cousin twice removed, he serves in the Colonial Office there.
Really?
In that case, ma'am, you'll be delighted to know that you're only one thousand eight hundred and seventy-three miles away from him.
You work too hard, Captain.
Harder than any of us.
Don't you ever think of anything else?
I will, ma'am, as soon as we get off this island.
Lady Mary, do you think that sea chest could have come from your shipwreck?
I don't think so.
Nobody had any time to pack anything.
Captain, you seen this lettering?
"N-A-U...."
Nautilus!
Here, let me see that.
You're right. 
It must be from the Nautilus.
-You mean the submarine?
-Captain Nemo's ship.
What a story that was.
-Do you remember, Lady Mary?
-No, I'm afraid I don't.
Possibly it was during the hunting season.
It made the headlines in New York and London for weeks.
This Nemo, with his "submarine," did you call it?
Was he a man of some notoriety?
He was a monster, a devil.
What do you mean, he was a devil?
He was a genius.
Any man who could live under water like a fish-- 
-Under what?
-Under water, ma'am.
This submarine was powered with some incredible method he'd invented himself.
Nothing on the surface could escape from it.
Precisely, Mr. Spilett.
And he used it to destroy ships without warning.
Only warships, Captain.
He had a kink about war, Lady Mary.
A very sensible kink. 
He hated it.
Captain, what language is this?
It's Latin.
"Mihi libertas necessest."
"I must have liberty."
Did he find it, Mr. Spilett?
His submarine was reported lost off the coast of Mexico about eight years ago with all hands.
This chest has been floating in the sea for eight years.
Do you really believe it has, Captain?
I'm tired.
At your age? 
Ridiculous!
I'm tired of working.
What do you want, a servant?
So do I.
If you find one, send her to me.
The next you can keep for yourself.
But in the meantime, we'll go on working like the others.
Mr. Spilett thinks we've been overworked, too. 
He's gone fishing.
He has?
We better hope that Captain Harding doesn't find out.
Mary, run! 
Run!
Help!
Hey, Neb, hold it.
Come on, Pencroft!
-I'll get him.
-No, wait, not here! 
You'll hit Herbert.
Are you all right?
I wonder how many minutes it would take to cook in a slow oven.
Boy, it cuts like butter.
It tastes delicious, too.
I guess yesterday this bird would have said the same thing about you, Mr. Spilett.
What's the matter?
It might not have swallowed you, Mr. Spilett, but it sure enough ate rocks.
-That doesn't look like a rock.
-No, it isn't.
That's a bullet.
None of us fired a shot at the bird.
No, I tried but the gun jammed.
This is what killed it, all the same.
-We'd have heard a shot, wouldn't we?
-Not necessarily.
It might've happened when the bird crashed through the fence.
I might have figured it wasn't my knife.
It didn't feel right, the way the bird fell under me.
You risked your life for me, Herbert, and I'll never forget that.
Yes, that's right, Herbert.
Had it not been for you, Mr. Spilett would still be on the inside cutting out, instead of on the outside cutting in, huh?
Lady Mary turned out to be quite handy with a needle and thread.
She was able to make goatskins into clothing for the men and fashioned a trim garment for Elena.
I don't know how I let you talk me into it.
Everyone's going to say it's far too short.
-Herbert won't.
-I'm certain he won't.
Come here.
I've decided to marry him.
And what has he decided?
Don't sound so surprised.
My mother was already married by my age.
That was on the Continent.
But don't you realise that we may never get off this island?
Then you'll have time to wait.
-But Herbert doesn't want to wait.
-Doesn't he?
-And neither do I. 
-I'm afraid you'll have to.
Go off and tend to your goats.
I'm going to ask Captain Harding to marry us.
That'd be wonderful, if he were only a minister, but he's not.
He's a captain, and captains can marry people at sea.
He's a land captain, not a sea captain.
Well, we're on land, aren't we?
Herbert.
-What's the matter?
-I don't know.
It looks like honey.
It is honey.
Did you ever visit a beehive?
It's a honeycomb.
-It can't be. 
It's too big.
-It can't be anything else.
Let's go get some seashells, and we'll take some back for the others.
Come on!
Get in the honeycomb!
What's it doing?
I don't know.
It's sealing us in.
-Hey, Captain. 
A sail!
-We're going to be saved!
They're right. 
Look.
Captain, shall we light the signal fires now?
-Yeah, come on!
-Hold it!
We'll take a look at it through the telescope first.
What's the matter, don't you want to be saved?
It's coming this way, whatever we do. 
Let's go!
Come on, get up to Granite House.
Hand me some more.
What for?
From the sea chest, remember?
I took these out.
It's heavily armed.
And it's flying the skull and crossbones.
Do you think it's the same pirates Ayrton wrote about in his diary?
It's the same ones who cut out his tongue and left him to die.
We wouldn't get much mercy from them if they find us.
You two get on the beach and camouflage the boat.
When you come back, get this inside and out of sight.
Spilett, stack the ammunition.
Elena's out there with Herbert.
We must get them back.
Don't worry. 
He's a soldier. 
If he sees a gang of armed cutthroats, he'll take cover.
We're going to load and stack the rifles.
Elena!
Elena, are you all right?
What is it?
It's some kind of ship.
I've never seen anything like it before.
Come on, let's get on it.
Hello!
Is anybody there?
Come on.
Hello.
Anybody there?
Let's take a look.
-No, we'd better not.
-Come on.
Herbert, didn't Mr. Spilett say the Nautilus was sunk eight years ago off the coast of Mexico?
Yeah, he did.
Then what is it doing here?
I don't know.
Herbert! 
Don't!
Let's get out of here.
How do we get out?
Over there.
That wasn't there before.
Maybe the tide came out or something.
Let's swim for it.
Neb.
-How many are there?
-Only three.
They're taking out casks.
They must be going for water.
We can take them, Captain.
And bring all the rest of them ashore?
No, thanks.
We'll sit this one out quietly.
-What are they doing now?
-They're going towards the boat.
-Do you think they'll find it?
-I don't know.
Lady Mary, another rifle.
Yes, sir.
Hey, Captain, look! 
It's sinking.
-What do you suppose happened?
-I don't know.
Something must have blown up on her.
Come on! 
We better get back fast.
Run, Elena.
Put that down.
All right, we'll split up.
Spilett, you take the west side.
Neb, you go inland.
Very well, soldier.
Hang on to it if it gives you comfort.
Just don't throw it.
How do you do, Captain Harding?
I am Captain Nemo.
Nemo?
How did you know my name? 
Did you tell him?
It wasn't necessary.
I've known about you all for months, now, from the day I carried you ashore.
You were the one who built the fire?
-The man who fired the mystery bullet.
-Someone had to kill that bird.
Her Ladyship's gun jammed.
Do join us, Lady Mary.
I'm not quite the ogre I appear.
Do you usually dress up like that to frighten young ladies?
No, not to frighten young ladies.
To breathe under water.
You see, I do much of my work out there.
So we've heard.
Like sinking ships and drowning innocent men.
Surely you don't object to my having placed an explosive charge to that pirate ship to drown them, do you?
See, Harding, I told you he was a genius and not a devil.
Captain Nemo, I'm from the New York Herald.
-I reported your story eight years ago-- 
-I know you.
I've read some of your dispatches.
You specialise in war news, don't you?
You supply the ink.
The soldiers supply the blood.
-I bet that was his place we just came from.
-Yes.
There's a big iron ship in a flooded grotto.
Elena and I were just aboard.
-The Nautilus? 
Here?
-What's left of it.
-That means we can get off-- 
-No, you can't.
If you hope to use my vessel to leave, don't, because she can never take to sea again.
Why have you stayed hidden from us all this time?
Because contact with my own species has always disappointed me.
Solitude gives me freedom of mind and independence of action.
Why have you picked this particular time to interrupt this solitude?
I'll tell you.
Because your behaviour, gentlemen, and ladies in a struggle for survival, has been quite admirable.
Now I am satisfied that I can use your resourcefulness.
You see, that volcano is on the verge of eruption.
A catastrophe of nature will soon turn this island into cinders.
In short, Captain Harding, I need your help as much as you need mine.
Only you don't have much choice if you want to live.
Now you listen to me. 
We won't do anything because of your threats.
We have every intention of going on living.
If, however, you'd care to share the boat we're building I think that might be arranged.
Thank you, but it wouldn't be finished in time.
Also, it would be too small for my needs.
Fortunately, the ship that will carry us all into safety is already waiting for us.
Out there.
My last bottle.
Another pressing reason for moving out soon.
Captain Nemo, if we ever do get off this island, I'd like to write your life story.
Yes. 
Whatever does a man do on an island like this for eight years?
It depends on the man.
I did what I've always done devoted my strength to destroying the concept of warfare.
Your profession, Captain Harding.
Considering the ships and crews that you've sunk without mercy you can't disturb my conscience.
Can't I?
What I did was in the name of peace.
Your war, like all wars, glories in devastation and death.
Well, my war will set men free.
That's a struggle that belongs to all men, don't you think?
Just how have you been able to carry out your crusade, Captain without the Nautilus in operation?
A good question, Mr. War Correspondent.
It will please Captain Harding to know it did not entail the sinking of warships.
So instead, I've been conducting experiments in horticultural physics.
Horti-what?
Experiments that will guarantee mankind an inexhaustible food supply.
Yes. 
Surely you've seen the results.
-Hey, that crab!
-And the honeycomb!
The giant oysters you devoured.
The bird that almost devoured you.
With the Nautilus, I was merely attacking the weapons of war.
But now I've conquered the causes:
famine and economic competition.
Imagine, wheat growing 40 feet high and sheep the size of cattle.
When I've delivered my designs and apparatus to the world my work will be over.
That's what you meant when you said our boat wouldn't be big enough.
-That is right.
-Now look.
You said that volcano was due to erupt in the next few days.
Have we got time to just sit and talk?
Not really, but I should like to if you don't mind.
I want to make it clear to you that there is more than saving our lives which interests me.
I must take the results of my work back to civilization.
To do this, I realised I needed a ship of size, like that pirate vessel.
And that's why you sent her to the bottom?
How would you dispose of a crew of violent men in one stroke?
Do you actually believe you can refloat a ship of that size?
I planted that charge to damage her only in one small section.
I have the necessary equipment to raise her.
And you all will supply the manpower.
To your very good health.
You will need it.
Now, Captain Harding aren't you ready to dance with the devil now?
You show me the pumps and the power to raise that ship and then you'll have seven new waltz partners.
Very well.
Have a look.
This bottle, like a ship, floats because it is filled with air.
Now, make a hole in either, as I did in that pirate vessel the air is displaced by water and the bottle, like the ship, sinks to the bottom.
Therefore, when we've set a patch over the damaged section of the hull we can pipe air into it through the pipeline, which we construct from bamboo.
The pressurised air entering here drives the water out of the hold which becomes afloat, and as it does so, the ship will rise to the surface.
Fabricating the patch, bolting it into place making sure all sections of the hull are airtight, including the hatchways are the jobs you will have to do under water.
I'll train you and equip you for it.
-Theoretically, it should work.
-Theoretically, we'll be dead if it doesn't.
Although Captain Nemo was confident, Ý was extremely doubtful.
Nevertheless, under his direction we cut bamboo for the pipeline.
Nemo told us where there were rubber trees and the women gathered the sap to seal the pipe connections.
And we laboriously manufactured a large wooden patch according to Nemo's specifications.
We were to use it to repair the hull of the damaged pirate ship.
Even Spilett worked hard on the raft we would need.
Lady Mary and Elena arduously applied the sealing substance joining the lengths of bamboo which had to be stretched from the Nautilus' engine room through tortuous rocky areas to the water's edge and beyond.
Then Nemo gave us underwater gear that he kept aboard his submarine.
The breathing apparatus had been fabricated out of giant seashells.
We had to learn how to walk with lead-weighted shoes on the seabed and to withstand the pressures of the water's depth.
Nemo then showed us the incredible electric gun he had invented for protection against the dangers of the deep.
By learning to breathe and walk on the seafloor Nemo showed us the remains of an ancient city and a forgotten civilization.
We could see that once before a volcano had erupted decreeing the death of all who are now entombed in this weird, sunken citadel.
Herbert, these aren't finished here.
Well, we ought to be able to fit the patch tomorrow morning.
Is that it? 
Is it starting now?
I was wrong. 
There won't be enough time.
Man, look at it. 
It's terrifying!
We've lost the race.
Still, there is always a small chance it will subside.
I suggest we take cover in the Nautilus and hope.
When the lava comes, we'll just be trapped here, won't we?
How soon will that be?
Would it really help to know?
Two hours. 
Two hours, then.
Aren't we able to do anything to save ourselves?
There's nothing that can be done.
Is this the infinitely resourceful genius you told me about?
A man who says let yourself be trapped and die without even lifting a finger.
I don't believe nothing can be done.
I don't believe it!
Lady Mary I am a realist.
Captain Harding, is he right?
Have we worked so hard and gone through all this to be told there's no hope?
He is like you, a man of faith, not of reason.
Captain.
Captain, come here, please.
I've got an idea.
Herbert, now look.
Say this is the envelope of the balloon that brought us here.
It would only take about half an hour to repair.
We attach it to the bamboo pipeline.
Then we place it inside the hull of the sunken ship.
It would take, what, another hour.
Then with the pumps of the Nautilus we force air into the balloon cloth, creating a huge air bubble and floats to the surface bringing the ship with it. 
It must work.
Just possible, if the fabric will hold the pressure.
If there's a chance, we've got to try.
By heaven, it is a chance.
Captain Harding, get the underwater equipment.
And you'd better take the women with you.
I'll stay to operate the pump and to assemble my equipment.
When this needle zeroes, I'll know the ship is afloat.
Right, we'll be back for you.
Pencroft!
Neb, signal Nemo, or none of us will get out of here.
The air's coming through, Captain.
Can you hear it?
She's up! 
We've done it, Captain!
All right, come on.
We've got to get the women on board and get back for Nemo.
We deeply regretted we could not save the life of the man who had saved ours.
A man who dedicated himself to ending strife among men.
And when we returned to civilization, we all pledged ourselves to working for a peaceful and bountiful world, as Captain Nemo would have it.

Subtitles by Eugene Belianski (aka. 
Niffiwan)
Filmstudio SOYUZMULTFILM
THE KEY
Scenario: 
M. Volpin
Coffee?
No, thanks.
Gil, you still think it'd be worthwhile for me to talk to Diedeshiemer?
My future father-in-law doesn't seem to think so, but I still do.
That's why Holloway likes you.
You stand up to him.
Hey, who's gonna pay for this?
I don't know... and I'm too sleepy to try and figure it out.
I can't figure out who's going to pay for it on an empty stomach.
Better bring me another steak.
Mr. Fenton, Mr. Fenton.
Look, I, uh, want to talk to you.
What is it, Tregallis?
Well, last night my kid brother was down in the mine.
I should have known he'd be all right.
Well, I said things I shouldn't have.
It's all right, Tregallis, I understand.
Well, I-I wouldn't want to lose my job or anything like that, you know?
You won't, not over this.
Thanks.
Gil?
Same old Gil.
You ain't changed.
A-A-And listen, all this talk about shutting down the mine for safety tests and all that-- don't you do it, Gil.
Long as there's a hole in the ground, me and the boys will go down into it.
We don't want to lose no day's pay 'cause somebody's afraid of getting a rock on top of the head.
And Mr. Cartwright, I don't blame you for poking me in the whiskers, but next time, don't do it so hard.
Have you seen Philip Diedeshiemer?
The Dutchman?
I don't understand that one.
He's the only man I ever knew who could look a hole straight through you without even seeing you.
Well, has he been around?
He's been down in that hole since ten minutes after you left last night.
Either he comes up for air pretty soon or he's gonna find nobody here to work this hoist when he rings that bell.
Will you stay around for a little while?
Take care of this for me, will you, Casey?
HELENE:
Gil.
Oh, Gil, I've been looking all over for you.
Not now, dear.
Adam and I want to go down below and look around for a minute.
If it were another woman I could face it, but to have a silver mine for a romantic rival... (chuckles) Hey-hey...
Oh, Gil, please be careful.
If anything happened to you...
Off you go.
All right, let 'er go!
(rumbling) Good, sound timbering, Gil.
But it just isn't holding.
(rumbling, crashing)
Philip!
Philip Diedeshiemer!
(creaking)
It is not usually so, but here in these mines there's such great variance of temperatures.
There's a constant shrinking and expanding of the earth itself.
When I took my pick and loosened this hanging wall behind the uprights, so... (coughs) You caved this in deliberately?
You might have been killed, man.
So...
The important thing is five men were killed last night.
You see, Gil, there's an unusual side pressure against these uprights.
And without tower braces to prevent side motion...
Philip, this is Adam Cartwright.
Adam, Philip Diedeshiemer.
Mr. Cartwright.
Hadn't you better take some time off?
Get some rest.
Have something to eat.
Oh, the widows of those men, they have no appetite this morning, Gil.
Neither have I.
You mention tower bracing, Mr. Cartwright.
You, perhaps, worked in construction, no?
Well, I supply the timber for the mine.
My father and I and my brothers, we have a ranch.
And what a ranch, Philip.
The Ponderosa, a thousand square miles of it.
And wait till you see the house.
Adam designed and built it to last a hundred years.
Oh?
You must see it.
Yeah, yeah.
(creaking)
There are so many things in your beautiful country that I must see.
But how can I look at beauty when men are dying?
(creaking)
Given time as one of the factors, there is no problem in engineering that cannot be solved.
Mr. Diedeshiemer, Gil's told me a great deal about you, and...
Well, I don't mean to be presumptuous, but if you'd care to have me go over your stress calculations with you...
What I mean, is that, uh, if you'd like to use me as a sounding board, I've kept up with my mathematics.
It would mean a great deal to me to have someone to talk with.
Someone who understood the engineering problem.
Well, I'd be honored, Mr. Diedeshiemer.
Well, then you call me "Philip," huh?
So we do not waste time.
(creaking)
(rumbling)
(creaking, rumbling grows louder)
(rumbling)
Come in here with your picks, boys.
(creaking)
(grunts)
(coughing)
Are you all right?
Yeah.
Where's Gil?
He was right behind us.
Can you see him?
No.
(coughs)
Gil?
Gil, can you hear me?
!
(coughs)
Well, what do we do now?
We wait.
Just as thousands before us have waited.
And we think of many things.
That is the final refuge of a man, when he's... completely alone.
He can think.
Get out of the way!
Get out of the way!
My brother's down there!
Hoss.
I just heard about it, Miss Helene.
Don't worry none.
Gil's going to be all right, ma'am.
(cries) Please don't do that, ma'am.
Everything's going to be all right.
Sorry, Mr. Cartwright.
I have orders to let no outsiders go down.
Well, your orders just changed.
Let 'er go, Bo!
(bell dings)
TREGALLIS:
Wait a minute, boys.
Wait a minute.
(faint knocking)
Adam, huh.
Answer them.
(faint knocking, creaking)
Get in there, boys, with your shovels.
Get the loose stuff out.
What are you thinking about now?
I was thinking that perhaps after today... we will not let a mine fall on our heads again.
(chuckling, creaking)
I hope not.
Well, there is a simple way.
All we have to do is... never again go into a mine.
So many people make that decision in life.
So very many... (creaking)
No use, boys.
May as well give up.
They don't answer the signal no more.
(footsteps approaching)
They're back of that wall of rock, but we're too late.
They don't answer anymore.
Give me that shovel.
Okay, bud, okay.
That's good.
Give me some light.
Hi, Adam.
It's about time you got here.
Gil's back there somewhere.
Adam...
There ain't nothing back there but 500 ton of rock.
(Hoss grunting, mine creaking)
All right, let 'er down.
How are you, Mr. Diedeshiemer?
All right, Phil, see if you can make it.
Got him, Hoss?
Yeah, I got him.
Easy, easy.
You might have a broken bone.
There's one of 'em, boys.
Let's get him.
Take him out, boys.
Here we are.
You all right?
Yeah, come on.
MAN:
Here they come.
(indistinct chatter)
Gil! 
Where's Gil?
Miss Helene, I...
I want to talk to you.
Oh, that Gil.
He's always the first one down and the last one up.
I suppose he's still down there looking around.
That's what it is, Hoss, isn't it?
Ma'am, let me take you home.
Oh, no. 
No, I've, I've got to wait here for Gil.
He promised me nothing would happen to him.
He promised me!
Oh, Hoss, oh, Hoss, tell me nothing's happened.
Ma'am, I...
I can't lie to you.
I, I can't make it no easier on you.
Then I've got to go down.
I've got to see him.
Don't you understand?
I've got to see him!
I've got to see him!
Oh, Gil...
(cries):
Oh...
Gil...
Where's Gil?
He's still down there.
Well, go get him, Adam.
I want to talk to him.
What I'm trying to tell you is...
What he means is...
Gil is dead, Daddy.
What?
That's the word he was looking for, "dead."
But it's a dirty word and no one wants to say it.
Not here in this house.
Not on this level.
The stockholders might hear.
Dead is a word for, for men who work down in the ground, not for people like us.
We, we can't talk about a man who's buried under 50 tons of rock, but he's dead just the same!
Oh, Daddy!
Helene.
(Helene sobs)
I'll give her a sedative.
You come along.
You, too.
Gil, dead?
Well, I'll have to hire a new superintendent.
Mr. Holloway... if that's the first thing you thought about,
I feel real sorry for you.
Well, I guess that should about do it.
ADAM:
Thanks, doc.
Mr. Diedeshiemer?
I told you to get some rest.
Now, you're pushing yourself much too far.
Would you rest, doctor, if there were a plague afoot and somewhere in that little black bag of yours, there was a pill you knew could cure it?
Would you rest until you had found that pill?
Well, my head is like your little black bag.
Somewhere inside it, is a pill of information, long forgotten-- a solution to these mine disasters.
I have to find that pill, doctor!
Well, you better slow down or I won't be responsible.
Every man is responsible to himself, doctor.
Does your head feel good enough to use?
Let's get to work.
Now...
Mr. Diedeshiemer, I've been thinking...
Are you an engineer?
Well, no, but...
Then I'm not in the least interested in what you've been thinking.
Please go.
Now, wait a minute!
This is my home!
At the moment, it is my office, and I want no interruptions.
Please.
Now...
So we have...
Why ain't you at work?
Mr. Holloway, I refuse to send those men back down.
You "refuse"?
I believe the same as Gil.
Close down a few days.
Get a chance to make some proper tests and experiments.
Casey, you're fired.
What?
I said, "You're fired."
Tregallis?
(door opens)
Can you handle Casey's job?
(door closes)
Mr. Holloway...
I never did want to see you shut down.
Like I said to Gil last time I talked to him,
"I can get that shift back to work."
See that you do.
Another thing I'd do, Mr. Holloway.
I'd order that Dutchman to stay away from the men.
He wastes an awful lot of time.
I'd tell him to take care of his own work.
Leave our boys alone.
You're in charge.
Go tell him.
He's right upstairs.
That's the problem, Adam, and it is increasing every day.
The veins of silver grow wider the deeper they go.
I know and the U-bracing that we use in a narrow stope becomes worthless in a 65-foot wide gallery.
And it is not only the overhead pressure, Adam.
There's a constant side pressure as well.
I want to talk to you, Dutchman.
Vertical bracing and cap pieces certainly, but it would be standing so thick a man couldn't get through.
I'm in charge now.
We are very busy.
And even the tower bracing you suggested...
Listen to me when I'm talking to you!
You're going to take orders, just like the rest of the men!
But how are you going to get 65-foot timbers down a mine shaft?
And I want you to stay away from the men, hear me?
They're down there to work, not to visit with you.
And there's another thing, Dutchman...
I believe in a little formality.
Now, where were we?
Oh, yeah...
Miss Helene?
Miss Helene...
I know you're sorry.
That's not exactly what I was going to say, ma'am.
Folks mean well when they say that they're sorry.
It's like when my mama was still alive.
I remember I used to mash my finger and she'd kiss it and tell me the pain was all gone.
It wasn't really.
It's just that now when I try to remember the pain, all I can remember is my mama kissing it away.
So I smile bravely and lift my head... and there never was a Gil Fenton in my life.
No.
No, you...
You can sometimes forget the pain, but... you can't ever forget the love.
Never.
There's gonna always be a Gil Fenton in your life.
I remember
I was in love once with a girl.
As much in love as a man can be, I reckon.
I guess that sounds a little funny coming from me, don't it?
Oh, no, it doesn't, Hoss.
She died.
I know that my pa and Adam and Little Joe were sorry.
But that just wasn't enough.
Not right then, it wasn't.
What did you do?
I talked to God.
He told me I was just going to have to keep on living.
May I have permission to enter your mine, Mr. Tregallis?
All right. 
Go ahead.
Diedeshiemer!
Adam told me to find you and tell you that, that number six had shifted.
And that the tower braces were ten degrees out of plumb, whatever that means.
It means, Hoss, that we now know one more thing that will not work.
It means, also, that we must still find the one thing that will work.
Oh, he told me I ought to talk you into getting some rest, too.
(groans):
Well, he may have said it, but he didn't mean for me to do it.
But it would be good.
So good.
Stretch out for a while...
Close my eyes against the sun and feel the life of the earth beneath me.
But I would feel only the death, Hoss.
Only the death.
You feel all right, Mr. Diedeshiemer?
"All right"?
I don't know.
That is a relative question, no?
I know only that my head is so full of vertical braces and cross braces and cap pieces and stulls and timbers, that my brain is like a bee swarm of unrelated facts, buzzing and churning, and working within a hive.
A honeycomb...
A honeycomb!
Sir?
I have it, Hoss!
I have it!
You got what?
Go get me some one-inch boards, soft pine that I can cut with a jackknife.
Go bring them to my room.
I go get Adam.
Why did I not see this, Adam?
Each surface bearing on the other.
The ratio of strength of each side of a honeycomb to the combined weight of the honey.
Gently now. 
Gently.
Come.
Thank you, Hoss.
Now what in the blazes?
The solution, Mr. Holloway.
The solution to every cave-in and slippage problem in the Comstock mines.
Hoss, please.
Clean place on the table.
Thank you.
Miss Helene, look here what Mr. Diedeshiemer and Adam built.
Show 'em how it works, Mr. Diedeshiemer.
You mean that's a system of mine bracing?
It's the most perfect system I've ever seen in my whole life.
Are you such an expert?
No, but Mr. Diedeshiemer is.
Philip, why don't you explain the principle?
You see, Mr. Holloway...
I can see the principle.
A square, open-sided, tower-bracing box, bearing equal pressure from all angles.
Mm-hmm, and I suppose as the stope is dug wider, you propose to add another box.
You can add them above, too.
You can even build a floor in it.
Very interesting, gentlemen.
And very expensive.
We can't use it.
Dad... aren't you even going to consider it?
But look at it, honey.
It's a child's toy, a plaything of an impractical dreamer.
You didn't even give them a chance.
A chance to what?
Play with toys while I've got a mine to run?
You think I'm going to rip out the timbering
I've got in that mine to try some crazy, new idea?
But the timbering system you have is no good.
We've been operating successfully with it for a long time now.
Can't you understand I've got stockholders to think about?
Oh, yes, I understand.
You and your faceless stockholders.
Well, I have somebody to think about, too.
Only he had a face and a body and arms to hold me with.
And he's buried under 50 tons of rock, and you put him there!
Helene!
Wait a minute.
Where are you going?
Where do the rest of the mine widows go?
If you'd only listen to me.
I'm through listening to you, Father.
And don't forget to send me my box of groceries.
(knocking at door) Oh.
We've been looking for you.
Oh, I've been looking for myself, Adam.
Yeah, this new model's coming along great.
Well, I have created a good thing.
But that is all it is-- a thing, a handful of smoke.
What good is it to write a book, if nobody reads it?
Or to compose a song, if nobody ever sings it?
Or to invent a new way of timbering a mine, if it is not used?
Don't you worry.
It'll be used, all right.
PHILIP:
When? 
When?
!
When another hundred men have died needlessly?
It's such a radical departure from anything we've done before.
Just take time to sell it to anyone.
Only the dead have time to wait, Adam.
And we are concerned with the living.
Well, the Ophir isn't the only mine on the Comstock.
There's the, uh, Yellow Jacket,
Gould and Curry, and the Mexican.
We know the owners.
We've sold timber to all of them.
All we have to do is sell one of them the idea.
Look, I am not a fishmonger, Adam, hawking a product on the streets.
Well, then you let me worry about that end of it.
You just finish this new model.
Looks pretty elaborate.
Oh, it's quite simple, really.
A series of cribs, each surface bearing on the other.
Now, that takes care of your side motion, which has been one of your big problems.
Now, also, you see, with the wide veins that you're starting to hit, you can timber as you stope in merely by adding another crib.
Now, the same holds true with working up above or down below, which is an impossibility with your present timbering.
Now, here, you could have an ore shoot running diagonally right up here through the sets.
Any idea of the cost?
Well, really hadn't gone into it.
I think Mr. Diedeshiemer was more concerned with safety rather than cost.
Yeah, I'd heard that he was pretty much of a dreamer.
Well, thanks for showing it to us, Adam.
Hey!
Ain't you even going to let him finish telling you about it?
Oh, I've seen enough to recognize the fact that the cost would be prohibitive.
I'm afraid you'll have to figure out some other way of selling timber, Adam.
You mean to tell me you think that's all Adam and Mr. Diedeshiemer have been doing day and night, is figuring out another way to sell timber?
Oh, stay out of it, Hoss.
I won't stay out of it.
I don't like what this woodpecker's saying to you.
Oh, really, now.
We don't have to pretend with each other.
We're in the mining business to make money and you should be able to understand that.
No Cartwright ever made a move unless there was a dollar in it for him someplace.
Mister, you're the biggest flannel-mouth liar on the Comstock.
Do you know who I am?
I sure do.
And you do, too, 'cause I just got through telling you.
My brother isn't the world's finest diplomat, but he's managed to express my own feelings pretty accurately.
Well...
It might work.
Sure, but the system we're using now can be put in for one tenth the cost.
Why did Holloway ever hire that Dutchman in the first place?
Oh, now, don't sell Holloway short.
He hires this safety engineer and the crusaders leave him alone.
I know, but now he's come up with this fantastic idea...
You don't find Holloway using it, do you?
Well, is there anybody else we can talk to, Adam?
No, that's about all of them.
Besides I'm tired of talking.
You ain't gonna give up, are you?
No, I said, "I'm tired of talking."
Well, what are we going to do?
Well, what do the Cartwrights always do when it comes right down to it?
We'll do it ourselves.
You mean we're going to make a big one of these things and stick it down in old Holloway's mine without even telling him about it?
Why tell him?
He'll know it's there when he sees it tomorrow.
"Tomorrow"?
I said "tomorrow."
Adam, I heard you and Mr. Diedeshiemer talking and them timbers are big; they got to be milled and cut.
How you gonna do all that by tomorrow?
Well, now, we own a sawmill, don't we?
Now, we'll just give this job to our younger brother and tell him it's impossible to do.
(chuckles):
Yeah, that ought to do it.
"We'll get started first thing in the morning," that's what old Adam said.
And we will, too.
You wait and see.
When my pa and Adam and my younger brother, Little Joe, put their head to something, it gets done.
You're very proud of your family, aren't you, Hoss?
Yes, sir, I sure am.
Oh, it's a fine thing to have a strong family.
Yes, sir.
Pa's always kept us mighty close together.
You see, we're just half brothers.
Oh?
Yes, sir.
My pa has had a terrible lot of tragedy in his life.
"Tragedy." Yeah.
But this has made of him a finer man.
And it's helped draw you all closer together as a family, no?
Yes, sir.
I reckon it has.
The girl, Helene...
You must try to make her see this.
Hoss, right now, she sees only her own loss.
But nothing is lost, ever.
And nothing is ever destroyed.
The miners who were killed because of improper timbering in these mines, they have found a new method of timbering, Hoss.
I did not do it, they did.
I am only the instrument that carried out the plan, no more than that.
Mr. Diedeshiemer, folks are going to remember you for an awful long time.
Miss Helene.
Sit down, Miss Holloway.
Please.
What's the matter?
"Matter"?
I've been walking around, looking into the faces of women who have lost their husbands in the mines.
I've been searching their eyes, wondering if they know my father is a murderer.
Ma'am, you shouldn't ought to talk like that.
Not about your own pa.
No.
Maybe he ain't done all he could do, but at least he's tried.
He hired Mr. Diedeshiemer.
But he hasn't let him do anything.
And he won't.
Well, it don't really make no difference if he don't.
'Cause we're gonna do it anyhow.
What do you mean?
Pa and Adam and Little Joe are up there in the hills right now at the sawmill milling the timber we're going to put down that mine, so Mr. Diedeshiemer here can make the test he wants to make.
Does my father know about this?
Well, I... 
I reckon Adam sort of forgot to tell him.
Do you really think that my father and the other mine owners would let you do this?
Oh, ma'am, we ain't gonna charge him for it.
Besides, how they gonna stop us?
Stop you?
Hoss, don't you understand?
They can hire 50 men with clubs to stop you if they want to.
What'd they want to do a thing like that for?
I'm afraid this does go much further than, uh, a test installation, Hoss.
Once it's in there, and the men see it, they won't be satisfied with any other system of timbering.
Mr. Diedeshiemer, do you want that timber down there in that mine?
(sighs)
Yeah, very much, Hoss.
Well, we're gonna put it down there for you.
And if any of them fellas try to stop us, well, I... 
I reckon that'll be my business.
(indistinct chatter)
I didn't really think they'd do it.
I reckon you must know 'em better than I do.
I don't see my father with them.
There's a rumor around that you plan to do some special timbering in Mr. Holloway's mine.
Well, this is one time that a rumor's correct.
You Cartwrights don't own this mine.
You've got no business here.
Now, you don't own this mine, either, mister.
Why don't you let Mr. Holloway tell me?
We haven't been able to find Mr. Holloway, but his interests are ours, and we're here to see that they're protected.
Take him off there.
(grunting)
All right, break this up!
I'm still in charge here!
Andrew! 
We couldn't find you.
We came here to protect your interests.
I can take care of my own interest.
And that's just what I've been doing.
But they were planning to build some of those monkey cages down in your mine.
I'm aware of what they were planning to do.
I'm helping them to do it.
Why, Andrew, have you lost your senses?
No, I haven't lost my senses.
I've just found them.
How long since any of you have been down in one of your mines?
(owners grumbling) Well, maybe you should, gentlemen.
I just did and I don't like what I saw.
I don't know if Mr. Diedeshiemer's system of timbering will work or not, but he's going to get a chance to try it.
(owners grumbling)
Adam and the other boys will unload that lumber right where you want it.
If you need me, well, just holler.
Fine. 
Exactly.
This is fine.
You go now, huh?
Thank you.
Are you satisfied, Philip?
It is still an impractical man's dream, Adam.
An invention is never completed until it is put to the test of serving the purpose for which it was designed.
Well, you wait for me up above.
Huh? 
I would like to stay here and look at this for awhile.
Oh, no, you don't.
What's the matter?
I found your bag... with the powder;
you didn't do a good job of hiding it.
It's too dangerous, Adam.
I'm game if you are.
I don't want any more men killed.
Neither do I.
But I would like to be with you.
Sort of a promise I made to Gil.
All right.
We'll see this thing through together.
This is good.
Now, for the final test.
Why, you're wasting our time, Holloway.
You better take a good look at it, because you're going to see a lot of this kind of timbering from now on.
Not in my mine, you won't.
Well... this is it.
Good luck, Philip.
(fuse fizzing)
Come.
Mr. Holloway, you should not be here.
It's still my mine, and these gentlemen are a little hard to convince.
You don't understand.
We're making a test.
Don't test it too hard or your monkey cage will fall down on your head.
I hope not, gentlemen.
I believe not.
But we will soon know.
We've set a blast to test it.
(chuckles)
I can imagine your being down here with a blast about to go off.
Your workmen do it every day, don't they?
Oh, yes, but with...
With your present system of timbering.
Well, you're standing under some of it now.
You may stay here if you feel safer.
I prefer to stay over here.
So do I.
Why, you fool, we'll all be killed!
Boys, the old timbering is right behind you.
Go ahead and stay under it.
ADAM:
You'd better hurry.
(men coughing)
Well, I think this held up rather well, don't you, gentlemen?
Very impressive.
But I still won't hold still for it.
And why not?
Isn't it pretty obvious?
This man undoubtedly has a patent on his timbering system, and plans to rob us blind collecting royalties.
(crowd murmuring)
I am afraid I'm not so wise as you.
I do not know the dollar and cent worth of a human life.
I only know it is very dear.
I have no patent, no desire to charge royalty.
If my invention saves human lives, surely that is payment enough for any man.
Wait a moment, Philip.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have just made a practical test of the new Diedeshiemer system of timbering.
Any of these gentlemen here can attest to the fact that it was a complete success.
(cheering and applause)
I'm closing the Ophir till it's completely re-timbered with the Diedeshiemer square sets.
Every man will be paid his regular wages while the work goes on.
(cheering and applause)
Ladies and gentlemen.
Here's the man who's put an end to all the mine cave-ins on the Comstock,
Mr. Philip Diedeshiemer.
(cheering and applause)
Every mine owner will have to put in square sets now, you watch.
This whole town will be sitting on one, big honeycomb.
(laughter)
It's a great thing you've done, Philip.
We did it together.
Listen, I'm hungry.
Ain't you starved?
On the contrary, Hoss.
Right now, I feel...
I feel very full.
Mr. Diedeshiemer, I told you once that folks was gonna remember you for a awful long time.
And they would, too, if they could remember your name, but it's so dang-blasted hard to pronounce.
Well, don't worry about that, Hoss.
Names are never very important.
Anyway, it's easier to pronounce "The Dutchman."
Come on, let's get some supper, huh?

ANNOUNCER:
The following program is brought to you in living color on NBC.
(fanfare plays)
(hushed):
Hurry up, Sam!
We set one.
Let it go.
Hurry it up!
Make it fast, this whole town ain't deaf!
Well, it looks like we made it clean, Pardo.
They sure sleep sound in Virginia City, don't they?
Let's go.
Sam... the Ponderosa is over in that direction.
I reckon I can find it.
You know what you're gonna do when you get there?
We've been over it 97 times, Pardo.
Just once more.
All right.
I go to the Ponderosa and I hire on as a hand, and I keep my ears open.
And if a search party comes down this way,
I'll let you know first.
Especially if it's a platoon from the Army.
Then what?
Well, when things quiet down,
I come on back and we light out.
Mark that big old dead tree.
We'll be a mile-and-a-half south of here.
You'll see a big granite boulder, leads into a box canyon.
That's where we'll be waiting.
You just let old Sam take care of it.
You're my eyes and my ears.
I'm depending on you, Sam.
Let's go.
Sam, cover up those hoofprints.
They'll probably want to know where you came from.
Tell them about that ranch you used to work on;
that fella that was always talking about the Ponderosa.
That ought to convince 'em.
What if it doesn't?
What?
What if somebody starts getting extra nosy?
You got a gun, haven't you, Sam?
(theme song playing)
(horse whinnying)
Hey! 
Ride him, cowboy!
Come on, stick with him, Adam!
HOSS:
Ride him, Adam!
LITTLE JOE:
Come on, Adam!
- Fan him! 
Fan him!
- Come on!
You know, I told you he was too much horse for you, Adam.
Well, you're next, bronc buster.
That's what they call me.
Hey, Joe, you ain't been making no rash promises to Ellie McClure, have you?
I haven't had a chance.
You sure?
Because there comes her Pa and the sheriff right now.
Whoa.
Hey, I wonder what they want?
I don't know, but now, me,
I always sort of went for June weddings with lots of apple blossoms and...
Yeah, well, you know, a fellow could do a lot worse than Ellie McClure.
Oh, excuse me all to pieces.
ADAM: 
Well, are you gonna ride this thing or not?
Coming up.
If you'll excuse me, ladies, it's time for your riding lesson.
(Adam, Hoss clear their throats)
(horse whinnies)
Now we'll see some fun.
HOSS:
Ride him, Joe! 
Ride him, baby!
- That a boy!
- Ride him, Joe!
Keep his head up, Joe!
- HOSS: 
Ride him, baby!
- ADAM: 
That a boy!
HOSS:
Ride him, Joe!
HOSS: 
Keep his head up!
That's a way!
- That's a way!
- Get him!
ADAM:
Come on, boy!
Ride him! 
Stay with him, boy!
Ride him!
HOSS:
Ride him, Joe!
(both laugh)
I told you.
Well, I'm glad somebody enjoyed it.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know it showed.
What can we do for you?
Well, you wouldn't happen to have an easy job in a cool place, now would you?
Yeah, but my brothers and I take all of those.
What else do you do?
Well, I've accidentally managed to break a horse or two in my day.
Yeah, well, we just happen to have one on hand.
Yeah, well, I was hoping you'd take my word for it.
ADAM:
Now what's this?
Cowboy wants to try his luck on that hammerhead.
You ever busted any broncs before, bubba?
One or two, I guess.
Well, if you ain't for sure, right now would be a real good time to back out.
No, I don't reckon I'd want to do that.
You think we should let him do it?
Well, it's his hide.
Some fellers have to learn the hard way, Joe.
(horse whinnying)
Come on, nag!
No!
Hyah!
Mule! 
Hi!
Hah! 
Hi!
Hyah!
MAN:
Get out of there!
(indistinct shouting, goading)
Now that's what I call riding a horse.
Well, you got to admit I tired him out a little bit.
Well, you might as well face it, Joe, some people are just better with horses than others.
Nice ride, kid.
I'm Adam Cartwright.
Sam Kirby.
These are my brothers, uh, Hoss and Little Joe.
Howdy.
Hi.
Pleased to meet you.
You, uh, looking for a job, Sam?
Well, Ed Lemp said you might be hiring some hands.
Ed Lemp... you a friend of his?
Well, he ramrodded an outfit I worked for down in Arizona... the Bar-B.
I see.
Ed give you a letter to show?
Well, yeah, I, uh, I got it packed in the saddlebag there, if you really want to see it.
If you say you got it, you got it.
How's old Ed, anyhow?
Oh, he's meaner than ever.
Still thinks mighty high of the Ponderosa, though.
Well, we pay $30 a month, bunk and beans.
Well, you just hired yourself a hand.
Now, as far as posses are concerned, we got them here, here, and up here.
Looks like you're well-covered.
Now, I've been on the telegraph to every lawman in the territory, so I believe we got him pretty well sealed in.
That is, within this general radius.
Yeah.
Oh, boys, come in, please.
You know Mr. McClure, Sheriff Coffee?
- Hello, Sheriff.
- Little Joe.
Howdy.
Hi, Mr. McClure.
Ellie getting all set for that birthday party Sunday?
I'm hoping we'll be able to have a birthday party, Little Joe.
Well, why?
What's the matter?
Well, Mr. McClure's bank was robbed last night.
I thought that bank was pretty near robber-proof.
Yeah, so did I.
How much did they get away with?
Just about all there was.
Right now, we'd be lucky if we could pay off five cents on the dollar.
Boys, that information is not to leave this room.
You mean the people don't know about it?
Well, they know we've been hit, but they don't know how bad.
We can't afford to have a run on the bank right now.
If we can get that money back by the first of the month, we got a chance to weather it.
You'll be fine, Tom.
Any idea who did it, Sheriff?
Yeah, it could have been the John Pardo bunch.
He pulled a job just about like this up in Butte last year.
Well, what are we waiting for?
Now, wait a minute, Joe.
The sheriff has plenty of help up north.
He's holding us responsible for the Ponderosa.
Chances are they'll hole up for a while, anyway, till this thing cools down a bit.
And we're to see to it that they don't hole up on our land.
So keep your eyes open for anything unusual.
You know, smoke, tracks that hadn't ought to be there, drifters that got a lot more money than they ought to have, anything like that.
Well, we'll let you know if we see anything, Roy.
Ah, much obliged to you, Ben.
More than likely they won't come down this way at all, but it don't do no harm to make sure.
- BEN: 
No, it doesn't.
- Bye.
So long.
Mr. McClure, I sure hope
Ellie can have that birthday party.
I hope so too, Little Joe.
We're waiting to hear from Fort McKay.
We're trying to get help from the army.
Well, I'm sure they'll want to help.
So do we, Tom.
Ben, when I think about some of the small ranchers around here,
I... 
I'm just not man enough to tell them that they've worked five, ten, 15 years for nothing.
It's a tough thing to face up to.
Now, now, Tom, that's enough with that kind of talk.
They'll find Pardo and his outfit.
You mark my words.
I hope so.
Thank you, Ben.
So long, Ben.
So long, Roy.
Want us to finish breaking those horses, Pa?
No, forget about the horses for now.
There's still time to do some looking before it starts getting dark.
You boys saddle up and tell Hoss and the men.
Hey, Pa, I was, uh, I was just thinking about what the sheriff said about drifters.
Yeah. 
What about 'em?
Well, we just hired one a little while ago.
I just thought I'd mention it.
Now, come on, Joe, just because he outrode you, doesn't mean he's a bank robber.
Look, I told you to stop kidding me...
BEN: 
Wait a minute, now.
Wait a minute.
Now, what about this new man?
Well, Ed Lemp sent him.
He's all right.
Fella over there by the corral.
Sam Kirby.
In the gray shirt.
Well, if Ed Lemp vouches for a man, that's good enough for me.
Tell Hoss and the men to saddle up.
Well, we'll cover more ground if we split up in twos.
Joe, you take the arroyo and everything east.
Right, Pa.
- Hoss.
- Yes, sir?
You go down south as far as the wash.
Adam and I will take the west part.
All right, take a man and let's get busy.
Okay?
Yeah, let's... we'll bird-dog them out of there.
Come on.
BEN:
Come on!
- Whoa, whoa.
- Whoa.
I don't know about you,
I think I'm gonna stretch a little.
Well, uh, don't you think it's getting kind of late?
Shouldn't we get back?
Yeah, after I work out a few kinks.
Wonder how the others are doing.
I don't know.
I hope they're doing better than we are.
(groans)
That's funny.
You find something?
Yeah.
This bush here.
It's been broke off fresh.
You reckon how that come to happen?
Well, uh, a stray, maybe.
No, I don't see no tracks.
It's peculiar, ain't it?
Well, it, uh...
that's-that's deer brush.
Maybe some Indian took it for his fire.
Maybe.
Let's me and you take a look around, anyhow.
LITTLE JOE:
Hoss!
What's the trouble, Joe?
Ah, nothing I guess.
From back there, it looked like he was drawing down on you.
Who? 
OI' Sam here?
Well, l-I just heard somebody coming.
L-I just wanted to be sure.
Joe, you're letting this whole thing spook you, boy.
Yeah, I guess so.
I reckon you was right about that deer brush.
Come on, let's get on in for supper.
A sure fine supper tonight.
I never had roast beef that good in my whole life.
Get your gear stowed away?
No, I... 
I better get to it.
Want some help?
No. 
Thanks.
I don't have that much.
If you need anything, Sam, just holler.
(door closes)
Do you, uh, suppose it's something serious?
I don't know.
I think the cat's got his tongue.
No, I was just thinking.
About Ellie McClure, no doubt.
Uh, no doubt.
No, I was thinking about Sam Kirby.
Well, now, you can't still be stewing about him breaking that horse this morning.
I told you that had nothing to do with it.
Ah, it's like I was telling you before supper.
He's all bothered because he thought he caught ol' Sam drawing down on me out there in the wash.
Forget that, Joe.
He told you how that happened, didn't he?
Yeah, he told me.
What's the matter with you then?
(sighs softly)
I don't know, there's just... there's just something about him.
Well, on Friday, we-we covered the south and the west part.
Then yesterday, we took the east.
And this morning, we split up and swept north.
No luck, huh?
Nah, not unless Adam found something.
I didn't.
What kept you?
Well, Sam saw some, uh, smoke up around Bitter Creek.
Turned out to be OIlie Ludlow's posse.
Ah.
OIlie's been watching the Dayton Road.
Don't I know you, son?
I couldn't say, Sheriff.
I don't think I know you.
Roy, this is Sam Kirby.
He's working for us now.
Since when?
Since Friday.
Hired on Friday, huh?
Where were you Thursday night, Sam?
You mean the night the bank was robbed?
Mm-hmm.
I was on the trail.
You can prove that, of course?
Not unless you want to take the word of my horse.
Sam's all right, Sheriff.
He... 
Ed Lemp sent him up here from the Bar-B.
Oh.
How's old Ed?
Meaner than a snake.
(laughs)
Well, I guess, Sheriff, that...
RUDY:
Sheriff?
Got a message for you from Fort McKay.
Thanks, Rudy.
Get my glasses.
Come to town for the picnic, Mr. Cartwright?
Oh, you mean, uh, Ellie McClure's birthday party?
I heard that was being called off, wasn't it?
Well, it looks like they called it back on again.
You know about ladies and parties and such.
They say it's going to be a real do!
Hot dog!
That's what I call real good news.
And here's some more good news.
The army's going to bust loose with a whole troop of horse soldiers.
Says they'll be here tomorrow afternoon.
Tomorrow? 
Well, that is good news, Sheriff.
That changes things considerably.
Now we can organize a search that'll really mean something.
Well, Tom McClure will be happy to hear about that.
What's up, Rudy?
Who's that young feller in there, Joe?
That's the new hand we hired. 
Why?
Well, nothing.
I just thought maybe I saw him in town with two other men the night the bank was robbed.
Are you sure?
Well, he sure looks like the feller I seen.
Well, maybe you ought to come in there and tell the sheriff.
Oh, now, wait a minute.
I ain't that sure.
Anyway, it was kind of a dark night that night.
Well, I'll see you back at the Ponderosa, Mr. Cartwright.
All right, Sam.
Aren't you going to the picnic, Sam?
No.
No, I'm not much good at picnics.
Well, you ain't never seen the kind of picnics we have around here.
Well, I think I'll just ride on back to the ranch, Hoss.
Oh, why don't you come on.
It'll do you good.
Well, some other time.
OI' Joe and me are gonna look pretty silly packing you all the way over there, now, ain't we?
No, maybe he's got something better to do, Hoss.
All right, you win.
I'll go.
Come on.
Hope she's got some of that blueberry pie.
Yes, sir, I sure relish a couple of them blueberry pies 'fore supper.
Now for the team of Adam Cartwright and Troy Fuller,
Adam Cartwright.
- Come on, show 'em, Adam.
- (clapping, murmuring)
- Got nothing to worry about...
- Get 'em in there.
- That's it.
- Get it in there.
There we go!
- (crowd murmuring) 
- Easy one, easy one.
Easy, easy!
- Ah!
- (crowd murmuring)
Hey, that's a fancy swing there, you got.
All right, player, come on, boy.
- Take good care of that.
- See what you got here.
(murmuring continues)
- (horseshoe clanks) 
- Ah!
Hey, that's a fancy swing there, you got.
All right, player, come on, boy.
(murmuring continues in distance)
Ellie, I wouldn't do all this work for just any girl.
I hope you know how much I like you.
You mean I'm the only girl you ever carried a picnic basket for, Little Joe?
Well, let's just say you're the only girl I'd carry one for now.
Little Joe Cartwright!
Right in front of all these people.
Yeah, well, y-you know, we could go behind that wagon.
All right! 
All right.
I'll get the rest of the groceries.
The pickle fork.
Pickle fork.
Where did I put the...
Hoss Cartwright!
Ma'am, uh, there was a great big ol' horsefly here, and l-I was just...
I know what you was just.
You Cartwrights!
If it isn't one thing, it's the other.
There'll be no refreshments served until after the games.
Yes'm.
Miss Ellie, ain't that your pickle fork over there?
I don't see any...
Hoss Cartwright!
Remember, ma'am, I'm just a growing boy.
Hey, Sam.
Hey, Sam, come here.
What you doing sitting off over there all by yourself?
I'm just watching.
Well, that ain't no way to do at a picnic.
You got to get around here and meet some of these pretty gals.
Oh, no, don't bother.
I'm-I'm fine.
Yeah, but you'll be a lot finer when you meet some of these gals... come here.
Miss Ellie, Miss Ellie, l-I want you to meet a friend of mine.
This here is Sam Kirby.
How do you do, Mr. Kirby.
It's my pleasure, ma'am.
Uh, you better be nice to Miss Ellie; her father owns a bank.
Is that so?
Well, if you two will excuse me, I better find Pa and Adam and learn 'em something about shooting them horseshoes.
Do you like picnics, Mr. Kirby?
Well, I don't exactly know.
You don't know?
You see, this is the first one I've ever been to.
Didn't they have picnics where you grew up?
Not hardly.
What kind of a place was that?
I don't think you'd much want to hear about it.
I'm sorry, l-I didn't mean to be inquisitive.
It's-It's my fault.
I... 
I didn't mean to give you a short answer.
That's all right.
If you'll excuse me, I've got to finish setting this table.
Is there anything I can do to help you?
Thank you.
I didn't think I was going to have a party today at all.
That so?
Well, you heard about the bank being robbed.
Yeah, I heard.
Papa's been awfully upset.
And mama and me, too, naturally.
I guess you would be.
So many people trusted Papa.
The Wilsons and Ludlows.
Even the Cartwrights.
I think it would just kill Papa if they were to lose everything.
Well, l-I don't see where it's his fault.
He feels responsible to his friends.
Doesn't matter now, anyway.
We had some real good news today.
Suppose you mean about the army coming in.
Yes.
Isn't that wonderful?
Yeah.
Wonderful.
WOMAN:
Ellie?
Have you seen the napkins?
Yes, Miss Shoemaker.
They're in that basket over there.
Well, come on, girl, the party can't wait all day.
Mind setting them out?
Course not, Miss Shoemaker.
It was nice meeting you, Mr. Kirby.
I hope to see you again.
Thank you, ma'am.
Well, as a matter of fact, there's a dance next Thursday.
Doesn't amount to much, but the Cartwright boys usually come.
Why don't you come along with them?
Well, thank you, ma'am.
I think I'd like that.
Thursday then.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, let me get that.
LITTLE JOE: 
What are you trying to do, Kirby?
I wouldn't say I was trying to do anything.
Now, Little Joe, Mr. Kirby and I were only talking.
Yeah, sure, I saw the way he was talking.
It looked to me like he was trying to put his arm around you.
Joe Cartwright!
What business is this of yours, Cartwright?
I'm making you my business, Kirby.
Just because I've gone out with you once or twice, it doesn't give you the right to think of me as your personal property.
Now, you stay out of this, Ellie!
There's a lot of questions I've been wanting to ask you, Kirby.
Now is a good a time as any.
Well, I'm not answering any questions.
Yeah, well, you're going to answer this one:
Where were you Thursday night?
Joe!
Mr. Kirby, please!
Break it up, fellas.
Break it up, break it up.
Break it up!
When I say break it up, I mean break it up!
It's all right, folks.
Everything's all right.
The boys were just getting a little hungry, that's all.
I think Mr. McClure would like us to adjourn to the tables for a little food.
Yes, friends.
Over here.
We have fried chicken.
Sam...
Sam, we didn't mean no harm.
We-We didn't know your back was scarred up like that.
You suppose it'd be all right if I went along now?
Where do you want to go, Sam?
Back to the ranch...
if it's all right.
Of course it's all right.
Sam...
Little Joe didn't mean nothin'.
We just wanted you to have a good time, that's all.
BEN:
Hoss.
Sam... put this on.
It'll cover your back.
Well, it wasn't much of a picnic for him.
HOSS:
Pa?
Hmm?
You reckon what would do a man's back like that?
About the only thing I could figure is... a bullwhip.
What are you all looking at?
Aw, forget it, Joe, ain't nobody looking at you.
All right, what was I suppose to do?
You didn't have to poke him.
Oh, I didn't have to poke him.
Look, he's the one that threw the first punch.
Come on, now.
You've been down on him ever since he rode that horse.
I told you that's got nothing to do with it.
Well, what is it then, Joe?
What have you got against that boy?
All right, I'll tell you.
Rudy told me he saw him in town Thursday night.
I wouldn't be surprised if he had something to do with the bank robbery.
Hey Joe, that's going a bit too far, ain't it, boy?
That's a pretty serious charge, Joe.
You have any real evidence to support it?
Now, Rudy told me he thought he saw him in town.
He thought he saw him in town.
And you call that real evidence?
Well, I guess not.
I'm sorry, Pa.
I should have known better.
All right.
Look, maybe I better ride after him, tell him I'm sorry.
Yeah. 
Good idea.
Come on, Cochise.
It's me... 
Sam.
(hoofbeats approaching)
Oh.
Hello, Sam.
How's the boy?
Just fine, Pardo.
Things quieting down?
No.
They're getting hot.
There's an army troop of cavalry headed in from Fort McKay.
Yeah, when?
Well, they're due in Virginia City tomorrow afternoon.
What time?
I'm afraid they didn't say that.
(chuckles)
Oh, well... we'll have plenty of time.
Where are the posses?
Well, I got them all spotted.
Yeah? 
You sure?
I had a good long look at the map in the sheriff's office.
In the sheriff's office?
They must have trusted you pretty good.
Yeah, they trusted me fine.
Why?
No reason.
Where'd you get the new vest?
Adam Cartwright.
He, uh... he gave it to me.
He gave it to you.
I gotta hand it to you.
You sure got a way with you, Sam.
Yeah.
All right, we'll take outta here in the morning, before the cavalry pulls in.
(chuckles)
Now, what's so funny?
That Cartwright feller, giving you his vest.
(laughing)
Ramos!
There's one thing still left for you to do, Sam.
I want you to go back to the Ponderosa and spend a little more time with your friends.
Why?
Well, for one thing, you might want to return that vest.
If you're thinking of turning on me, Sam, you better forget it.
Now, what makes you say that?
I don't know, I just said it.
Now get back to that ranch and find out which way the soldiers are coming in.
Pardo, do I have to go back there?
Yeah, you have to go back there.
(horse whinnies)
PARDO:
Where'd you find him?
Looks like he was trailing Sam.
Ramos and me thought you might be interested.
Do you know him?
Yeah, it's Joe Cartwright.
It's a small world, ain't it, Kirby?
I thought you said you had them fooled.
No, not all of us.
What's that mean?
Nothing.
Just keep him here.
I'm going back to the ranch.
- Eh...
- Leave him alone!
Are you going soft, Sam?
Go ahead, tie him up.
Get on back to the Ponderosa before those Cartwrights get suspicious.
And find out which way those horse soldiers are coming in, you hear?
I hear you.
ADAM:
That you, Little Joe?
No, it's me... 
Sam.
Oh, I thought, uh, Joe'd be with you.
Well, you thought wrong.
That's funny, he rode out of town right after you did.
He felt kind of bad about what happened at the picnic today.
He went after you to tell you he was sorry.
Oh?
Well, you tell him I said not to lose any sleep.
Sam, I haven't known you for very long, but I count you as a friend.
Let me tell you something:
A man's only got one friend, one guy in the whole world he can count on who'd go out on a limb for him... and that's himself.
All right.
The sheriff's inside.
The sheriff?
Wants to talk to you, Sam.
But why me?
Why don't you ask him that yourself?
That Ed Lemp...
I tried to convince him to stick it out in this territory, but...
He never did think this country would amount to much.
Hired out to Arizona.
He did pretty well out there.
He had all that gold and silver right here under his feet.
Yeah, and the lumber and cattle.
(door opening)
Hello, Sam.
Come in.
You know the sheriff.
- Yeah.
- Sam.
Sit down, Sam.
No, thanks.
Sheriff tells me he has some, uh, some information about you.
I thought you'd want to be here when he told us.
That's nice of you, Mr. Cartwright.
Seems Sheriff Coffee here got to worrying about you this morning, after we left his office.
Well, that was real nice of you, too, Sheriff.
I sent a telegraph message about you down to Bar-B Ranch, Old Ed Lemp.
Here's the answer.
It says they let you go more than six months back on account of your prison record in Texas.
Did you check on that, too?
Didn't have to.
He sent the whole story.
Funny thing about a prison record, Mr. Cartwright... they say you do your time and you pay your price... but don't you believe it.
Sam, did you serve your time out?
Eight years.
And I was pardoned.
I suppose they left that out!
It's all there.
Now, Roy, what's all this about?
Since when do we hound a man that's paid for his mistake?
It wasn't exactly a mistake.
Now, just what does that mean?
He murdered his father in cold blood.
Is what he's saying true?
Yeah.
Some.
He was my stepfather... and he needed killing.
Nobody needs killing.
He did.
I was six years old when my mother died.
You know what he did when we come back from the funeral?
He took a whip to me.
"Just to show ya," he says.
"Just to show you things are gonna be different from now on."
That was my stepfather.
I see.
From then on, he beat me every day I can remember.
Except when he was too drunk!
Then it was he who... who did that to your back.
He did.
So I waited.
I waited till I figured I could handle him.
And I waited till he was stone-cold sober.
I wanted him to know what was happening and who was doing it.
SHERIFF:
That's premeditated murder.
Yeah!
And then, one night, he came for me... and I was ready.
And I killed him.
I was 14 years old.
And that's what you served your sentence for?
For ten years.
I served eight.
I think you'd better come along with me, boy.
Sheriff, I'm not going anywhere with you.
SHERIFF: 
Kirby, you haven't got a chance against the four of us.
Sam...
Sam, put... put up your gun.
Put it away.
All right... now, what's the charge against him?
No charge; don't need any.
He can't prove where he was Thursday night, and he's got a prison record.
That's enough to take him in.
No, it's not enough to take a man off this ranch.
Now, what does that mean, Ben?
Roy, half the people in this territory couldn't prove where they were Thursday night.
And as for a man having a prison record, once he's served his sentence, his debt is paid, and that's it.
The boy stays here.
You're refusing to cooperate with the law?
BEN:
I'm refusing to allow you to lock the boy up without a valid reason.
No law in the world says you can do that.
I could deputize some men.
Well, Sheriff, I reckon you better get you a whole bunch of 'em.
All right, Ben.
But he's your responsibility.
Ben, you're stickin' your neck out a country mile, because if you've made a mistake you're gonna have to account for it.
(Ben sighs)
Well, Sam, it looks like Little Joe and the rest of us owe you a new shirt.
Yup. 
You go down and get the best one you can find, Sam, with pearl buttons and all.
BEN:
Sam now what's been said here has been said, and that's the last of it.
I want you to know that you have a home here on the Ponderosa for just as long as you want it.
Uh, Pa, you'll have to excuse Sam.
He, uh, has some theories about people going out on a limb.
Guess they kind of fell apart, huh?
(Ben chuckles)
That's where you're mistaken.
You all just made me see how right I am.
So I got a home on the Ponderosa, have I?
Well, I can't use it!
Sam!
Now, look, what did we say...
Forget it!
Just don't you do me any favors.
And don't you expect any!
Now, what got into him?
I guess he's not used to being treated like a human being.
Mm.
I wonder why Little Joe didn't come back with him?
Aw, Pa, he probably got halfway out and decided to go back and make up to Ellie.
Mm. 
Should've been home hours ago.
Strange boy, that Sam Kirby.
(chuckles softly) Well...
I guess that's what happens when you've never been given a helping hand.
Yeah, he got himself so far out on that limb he didn't quite know how to get himself off.
(yawns) Well...
it's been a hard day, Pa.
Better get to bed.
Don't worry about Little Joe, Pa.
He can take care of himself.
Yeah.
Good night, Hoss.
- Good night, Adam.
- Good night.
Good night, Pa.
He's sure enough worried about Joe, ain't he?
Yeah, well, you know how he always is about him.
Hey, where you going?
I'll be right back.
Do you think you'll need any help?
Nah.
(door opens)
Couldn't even wait till morning, huh?
Why you so touchy, Sam?
No reason.
I just want to get out of here.
(sighs) So nothing my father said made any difference to you, huh?
Why don't you Cartwrights leave me alone!
I'm full up to here!
And here's your vest!
I don't want it!
Sam, is it really the kindness that's killing you, or is it something else?
I just don't like a lot of people asking me questions.
Why not?
What have you got to hide?
Who says I got anything to hide?
Little Joe right about you all along... is that what's bothering you, Sam?
(quietly):
Okay.
(grunts)
Adam?
Adam, are you around?
(door opens)
- What's the matter?
- I got hit in the head.
Kirby slammed into me and ran off.
I guess he had us all fooled.
Yeah, and particularly me.
I think the sheriff was right about him.
Little Joe, too.
He might have the answer to Joe's whereabouts.
Now, let's get Hoss and get saddled up and pick up his trail as soon as it turns light.
(punch lands)
All right, once more.
You're wasting your time.
Which way?
(hoofbeats approaching)
About time you were getting here.
We gotta get moving.
What are you doing to him?
What'd you find out?
Did you find out which way the horse soldiers were coming in?
No. 
I didn't get a chance.
Well, maybe we still have a chance.
He probably knows which way they're coming in.
Why don't we just have you make him tell us.
Yeah, why don't you make me talk, Sam.
Go on.
After all, you're practically one of the family.
Well, what are you waiting for?
You ask him.
That living with the Cartwrights is making you go soft.
It's his kind that put you in jail and took eight years out of your life...
you forgetting that?
No, I'm not forgetting that!
But I know the Cartwrights well enough to know that he won't talk.
Now, if we stay here any longer, we'll never get out of here.
Let's get going now.
LITTLE JOE:
You'll never get out of here.
When my pa and brothers find out I didn't come home all night, them and the cavalry'll be all over the place.
You're not gonna make it.
Maybe we won't, but you won't be alive to know it.
Kill him.
Hold it, Linc.
Now, he just gave us the answer.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Take him with us.
Joe Cartwright riding out there in front.
And if we get trouble from any of the other Cartwrights, he gets a bullet right in the back.
Might work.
PARDO:
Ramos!
Go get Andy and saddle up the horses.
Linc, get the money out of the cave.
All right, Pardo.
Pardo!
You sure waited long enough.
You took ten years off my life.
Well, I just hope I didn't take ten years off my life, too.
(sighs) Eh, don't worry.
You got friends now.
Friends that'll stick by you.
Yeah, I know that.
I'll be all right.
What about those other two?
Yeah, let's pick 'em up.
Well, it looks like Little Joe didn't wait for the army.
Hey, he's got Sam with him.
Looks like we was wrong about Sam, Pa.
Yeah. 
Looks like we were all wrong about Sam Kirby.
Hyah!
ANNOUNCER: 
This has been a color presentation of the NBC Television Network.

ANNOUNCER:
The following program is brought to you in living color on NBC.
(fanfare playing)
Morning, Mr. Blair.
Be with you in a minute, Adam.
(dog barking)
(wagon driver whistling)
DRIVER:
Ho! 
Ho!
Welcome to Virginia City, Reverend.
I thank thee, sir.
Uh... planning on staying?
No, sir.
Just long enough to water our animals.
You're very welcome, Reverend.
Just help yourself.
I thank thee, and may God bless your day.
MAN:
Yeah.
Our people have had a very long journey.
We've come all the way from Ohio.
Adam.
I'm glad you rode in today.
DRIVER (in distance):
Hyah! 
Hyah!
Come on in.
How's Ben these days?
Adam?
Oh, uh... he's fine.
Here's your bill of lading, Adam.
Tell Ben I want the cattle shipped by the first of the month.
It'll be there.
Good.
Time for a little drink?
No, thanks.
It's a little early for me.
I like my cards from the top.
You been getting them from the top!
That card you were just gonna deal me came from the bottom of the deck, mister.
It's the five of clubs.
Mister, you're just asking for trouble.
Hold it...
Get out of here, the both of you.
And stay out of here.
Mine.
Get him off to the sheriff, you tinhorn gambler.
I'd have beat him anyway.
Why did you step in?
Uh, he was going to shoot you.
Well, I guess that's as good a reason as any.
But now I owe you.
(theme song playing)
Which way you riding?
West.
Ride a piece with you?
Fine.
Last time I saw one of them sect trains, was just outside Salt Lake City.
Funny thing about them people.
They don't use guns.
I know.
They don't believe in them.
Where's your horse?
Livery.
(goats bleating in distance)
I didn't get the name.
Cartwright. 
Adam Cartwright.
From the Ponderosa, huh?
That's right.
You in the ranching business?
Not yet, but I'm looking for a stake.
I want some land and some cattle that don't belong mostly to a bank.
I don't like owing anybody.
Throw my saddle on the calico.
(horse sputters)
Well, I rode the edge of the Ponderosa yesterday on my way here.
Mighty big place.
How does a man get a place like that?
He works.
From the shape that horse is in,
I'd say you've been looking for that stake a pretty long time.
I have... but then it takes a lot of looking.
Well, we can always use good help at the Ponderosa.
You offering me a job?
$40 a month.
At the end of the year, you get your pick in ten head of stock... bonus.
You make this offer to everybody?
No.
Why me?
You look like you can handle it.
You talk right out, don't you?
I try to.
Well, that's a mighty tempting offer.
Well, you think about it.
I'm doing just that, right now.
(laughs)
Oh... 
Black hat.
Black coat.
Beard like a billy goat.
(laughter)
We are weary.
We must find a campsite and rest for the night.
Camp right here.
Sure! 
You can have a prayer meeting tonight.
We'll get Hoopla Sal and her gals to come and join in.
(laughs)
I know thou art seeking amusement, but please allow us to pass.
How do we know you ain't desperate characters?
My friends, I assure thee, we wish every man good days and a long life and ask... and ask only to pass in peace.
Pass in peace.
(laughing)
He's asking.
Ask them for nothing, Father.
Well, what do you know?
You're kind of pretty to be with this kind of outfit.
How about them clothes.
What do you say, honey, you and me have a drink of whiskey, huh? 
Huh?
And maybe I'II, uh, buy you a new dress, huh?
(laughs)
Come on, honey.
Ain't you got any life in you?
Come on, honey.
Let's have a little fun, huh?
(grunts)
(onlookers murmuring)
You all right, ma'am?
I believe so, yes.
BORD:
Hold it.
Get him out of here.
We was just funnin'.
Get ready to move. 
Hurry!
Please, Matthew, before there's more trouble!
I thank thee very kindly.
Thou art a very brave man.
Is everything all right, sir?
Yes, thanks to thee and thy friend.
I am Jacob Darien.
I'm Adam Cartwright.
This is my daughter Regina.
Oh, uh, this is, um...
Sam Bord.
You're riding west, sir?
Why, uh, y-yes.
So are we. 
Uh, maybe it would be a good idea if we rode along with you.
If thou art going that way.
Uh, we are.
Then thou art indeed welcome.
Indeed.
Nice girl, that.
Yeah.
Sam Bord, huh?
Your name is familiar to me.
I figured it might be.
You could have used another name.
Don't see any reason to.
I figure, I owe a man something, the least I can do is be honest with him.
Thanks for the job offer.
It still goes, Sam.
JACOB:
My friends.
DRIVER:
Hyah! 
Hyah!
DRIVER:
Hyah! 
Hyah!
(driver whistles)
DRIVER:
Ho! 
Ho!
Whoa!
(fading in):
...give Thee thanks for the protection and the guidance
Thou hast given us this day.
And especially we give thanks for our new friends, who have served us so well, and for this earth and this sky and this water.
And we wish Thee, Lord, a peace-filled night as we wish it for ourselves and our fellow men.
Amen.
GROUP:
Amen.
(dog barking)
(child shouts, laughs)
Here, let me help you.
No. 
Thou art a guest.
And thou art...
a most pretty young woman.
Thou art a strange man, Adam Cartwright.
Strange?
Why do you say that?
Thou had much to say to me every time thou looked at me today, and yet, now that the opportunity is here, thou sayest nothing at all.
Well, maybe, uh... maybe I just don't know what to say or how to say it.
Simple and direct, as is everything under God's sky.
What puzzles thee?
Um... your father, uh, them and... your customs.
All disturb thee, Adam?
Yes, uh... well, no.
I mean, um...
Well, if, uh, for instance, if it were my train,
I'd-I'd circle the wagons at night instead of, uh, stringing them out.
REGINA:
Oh.
And I'd pen the stock inside, in case of trouble.
What trouble?
Well, any trouble. 
Uh...
Look, uh... (Adam sighs)
Yes?
Well, I think and, um, do things one way, and...
And-And we do them differently.
Is that it?
Yes.
Well, isn't every man entitled to his... his own beliefs, or his own manner of living?
Yes, but, um...
But what, Adam?
It's you.
You disturb me very much, Regina.
Oh?
Why?
Because I'd like to know more about you.
Because, um... (sighs)
(laughs)
Well, we're, uh... right back where we started, aren't we?
Oh, no.
We've come a long way from there.
I'm disturbed by thee also, Adam.
(dog barking)
Children! 
Children...
Go help thy mother.
Susan, go along with thy brother.
(goats bleating)
Where is thy friend Adam?
Uh, he's with your daughter, helping her to get some water.
My daughter allowed a guest to help?
Uh, Reverend,
I kind of got the idea he wanted to be with her.
And, uh, I kind of got the idea that, uh, perhaps she wishes to be with him.
No objections?
A man might as well object to the wind and the sun and the rain.
(horse neighing, dog barking, children shouting)
What do you carry in here, Reverend?
Hymn books?
No, my friend, not exactly.
MAN:
Jacob?
Jacob, we have visitors coming.
Welcome.
Welcome, friends, to our humble campsite.
Welcome.
Peace be with you, my friends.
And with you.
Who's in charge here?
I am. 
Call me Jacob.
And this is my friend Matthew.
Hey, that fella's sure got a face full of hay, ain't he?
I'm Ben Cartwright, and you're on Ponderosa land.
Ah!
Then these men are...
are thy sons?
Oh, we are indebted to thee.
All of thee.
Oh, is that so?
Indeed, sir.
Why, we have all this fine grazing for our stock, plenty of water to take care of them.
What more could a man ask?
Well, a man could ask how long you're planning to stay here.
We leave on the morrow.
Oh.
Oh, is something amiss?
No. 
No, no.
You're, uh, most welcome.
If there's anything that my sons and I can do to serve you, please, uh... please ask us.
Oh, thou art most kindly.
May God bless thee often.
Thank you.
Oh, uh, there is one thing more we would ask of thee.
Oh?
That, uh, thou remain and dine with us.
Oh, well, I, uh...
Yes, sir.
Sure do thank you.
Hi, Pa.
BEN:
Well...
Uh, these people are...
BEN:
I know.
Adam, thy father has just bid us welcome on the Ponderosa.
Well, I'm glad of that.
Oh, this is, uh, Regina Darien.
My father.
Ma'am.
(children shouting)
Now this is Sam Bord.
Ah, Mr. Bord.
These are my sons...
Hoss and Little Joe.
Howdy.
Mr. Bord, don't we know each other?
We do now. 
Howdy.
That chow smells mighty good.
Then thee will remain, Mr. Cartwright?
MATTHEW:
We insist.
Well, then, we will remain.
Splendid!
Come, friends!
Come on, Joe.
Hoss, what would you say to a man who wore a gun that easy?
Nothing.
Leastways nothing I couldn't back up.
Miss Regina, give me a little more of that.
Certainly.
You folks been eating this kind of food all the way from Ohio?
We have, sir.
Yeah, well, you keep shoveling it out to him, you're not gonna have any left.
Where are you headed?
We hope to be in Slatersville by week's end.
We have word of a large, fertile valley there, and God willing, we hope to buy land and settle in peace.
Hmm.
BEN: 
Buying land...
that could be pretty expensive.
Yes, but we worked for many years and put all of our money together to do it.
It is our dream to start a fresh new life, free of debt.
All of your money?
All of it.
BEN:
You traveled 2,000 miles across the United States, to settle in a land that you've never seen.
Oh, I've been there.
We've-We've all been there many times in our, in our minds.
My daughter speaks truly.
Before all this, the Ponderosa belonged to thee, was it not a dream in thy mind, also, Mr. Cartwright?
Yes, of course.
Very much a dream.
How was the prayer meeting?
What do you want?
(snickers)
You'll never make a preacher, Sam.
You know what I want.
What's the matter?
Don't you want to let us meet your hymn singers?
Take them and get out of here.
Who do you think you're fooling, Sam?
Not them, not me.
We want our cut of that five.
It's gone.
I lost it.
Mm-hmm.
Well, we figured you'd do that, Sam.
But we figured you'd like a chance to make it up, instead a getting killed.
You can make it up, can't you, Sam?
There's a meadow about a half a mile from here.
I'll meet you there in the morning.
You've got an hour, Sam.
Thou art a strange woman, Regina Darien.
(coyote yipping and howling)
What is it?
Coyote bother you?
Thee treat me well, Adam.
What do you mean?
Thee would think me faithless and hate me if I spoke of it.
You could never be faithless.
I know that much about you.
And I could never hate you.
I know that much about myself.
Oh, Adam, I do have faith, but I...
But what?
Well, we will pass on from here tomorrow, and thee will think of me as that one with the strange people.
And thee will forget me.
I could never forget you.
Oh, Adam, I'm supposed to believe that what will be, will be.
Well, that was before we met?
Yes.
You'll be gone tomorrow and nothing will be.
Oh, Regina.
I'm coming with you.
To Slatersville.
I'll ride along with the train.
It'll give us more time together.
Oh, Adam, yes, we have need of that.
Oh, Adam, you must think me foolish and forward and...
No.
I think of you as... beautiful, lovely.
BORD:
Adam?
Thee thinks we've been observed, Adam?
And what if we have?
Oh, Adam.
Where you going, Sam?
Tell the folks good-bye for me.
Kind of sudden, isn't it?
Well, I'm kind of like that.
I don't figure you.
I get an itch every time I hear folks talking about what they got and what they're gonna get.
What are you running away from?
Maybe a fella named Sam.
About the job...
I never was much at ranch-handing.
Cards are more my line.
You can take the job... and get everything you always wanted.
You're all right, Cartwright... but it wouldn't do for me to listen to you too long.
(birds chirping)
(indistinct conversation)
- Adam?
- Yeah?
You, uh, you sure you know what you're doing now.
I mean, going with the train and all.
I know what I'm doing.
We're different from them, Adam.
She's different from you.
I'm saying this badly, son, but I... it's what I want to say.
I heard you.
(sighs) Good luck.
I better go say good-bye to Jacob and the rest.
Hey, Adam.
Now, where are you going?
Oh, about the same place you are, I reckon.
Yeah?
Yep.
Your idea or Pa's?
Well, I... 
I reckon it's mine.
I sort of got to likin' this Ohio cooking'.
As a matter of fact, I... 
I like everything about these folks.
I didn't think I could even talk to 'em at first, but... then I don't reckon they're so much different from the rest of us...
none of 'em.
- (no audio)
When?
When I say.
Well, if it's the kind of outfit you say it is, and if it's as easy as you say it is, why not right now, in the daylight?
Or maybe you need the night.
DRIVER:
(whistles) Ho! 
Ho!
Adam, what are you stopping for?
Well, this would be a good place to camp for tonight.
There's still...
two hours of daylight left.
I know, Mr. Darien, but the, um, the animals are all worn out.
Poor beasts.
So are all of us.
We've traveled a long way.
But our fear has been that the land will be taken before we get there.
Forgive us, Adam, if we seem impatient, but we're so anxious to reach our new home.
Well, what about it, Hoss?
You, uh... think that old trail across the plateau might still be good?
Well, I don't know, Adam.
It ain't been traveled in a long time.
Don't know if we can get them wagons across there or not.
Well, don't you think it's still worth a look-see?
Yeah.
Um... water your animals, but, uh, leave 'em hitched up.
We'll see if we can't get you a little further along.
Thank you, Adam.
Hey, wait a minute.
These are fresh tracks, Adam, not over an hour old.
How many do you figure?
Well, looks like at least four.
Well, whoever they are, they could see the wagons all day.
I never knew a man yet didn't come into a wagon train to get some good home-cookin'.
Yeah. 
Me, neither.
Unless they had a reason for not wanting to be seen.
Well, those wagons and the stock alone on that train good pickings.
Yeah, and if they're planning to do anything about it, it'll probably be tonight.
Father.
(group murmuring)
Is something amiss?
Uh, something I have to tell you.
What is it, my friend?
If you people have any guns on this train that you use for hunting or anything else, get them out.
What I'm trying to say is that... we found the tracks of four horses up there.
Now, we have reason to believe that these four men have been watching and following this train all day long.
Well, do you want them to come in and take everything you own without fighting for it?
Surely you must have some guns of some kind.
We have no guns, Adam.
And we can do no violence on our fellow man.
Well, they can do violence on their fellow man, and they will.
Still, it would not be right for us.
Matthew.
Can't you do something?
He's only thinking of us, Father.
Regina!
Hast thou forgotten what we all live by?
We shall pray that this test comes not to us and that once more we shall be delivered.
Mr. Darien, don't you reckon you could pray just as well if the wagons were circled up and they thought you was gonna put up a fight?
I can't see how that'd violate nothing.
Whatever thee thinks best, Mr. Cartwright.
Yes, sir.
Adam thee would use this on a man?
If I have to.
(urgent indistinct conversation)
(cows mooing, goats bleating)
I will stay beside thee, Adam.
If thou canst believe with us, then I will try to believe with thee.
(coyote yipping, howling)
That's them.
We may not have to use 'em.
They see the wagons circled, it might make 'em skittish.
They don't seem very skittish to me.
Seems like they got lots of confidence.
(coyote yipping, howling)
Yo, wagon!
Adam, it is thy friend.
He's made some friends.
Train, ho!
Easy pickings, huh?
The easiest.
Yeah, they was just gonna invite you right in soon as you got here.
You won't need that.
That's what you told me, Sam.
But you told me a lot of things.
Now I'm gonna tell you something.
I want to pick that up, easy or any way I can get it.
(cocks gun)
And I want to pick it up now.
Wait here.
It's too quiet.
Let's wake 'em up.
(gunfire)
(glass shatters)
Hyah!
Come on, get!
(baby crying in distance)
Bord.
Mr. Bord.
My friend.
I pray thee not to do this, my friend.
Get out of my... (gunshot)
(baby continues crying)
Regina!
Hoss, get down!
(grunts)
(gunfire)
(baby continues crying)
(Regina crying)
Earth to earth... ashes to ashes... dust to dust... in sure and certain hope of resurrection into eternal life.
Amen.
We will move on at once, my friends.
Prepare.
HOSS:
Adam...
Thee will leave me, too, Adam?
I have to.
I brought Sam Bord among you, and he did all this to you.
His sins are not thine.
In a way, they are.
It's my job to get that money back.
I better go with him.
Well, they'd probably head south.
Bord needs a new town.
Yep. 
Man like that's always needing a new town, I reckon.
That's real pretty, isn't it?
(coyotes yipping, howling)
Yeah, really looks good, and I'm gonna enjoy it.
All of it.
Why, we're partners, Shen.
Are we?
Now, I don't figure it that way, Sam.
As I remember it, you owed me and the boys, and since they ain't here to collect,
I just figured I'd take all our shares.
Don't you trust me?
No, I don't, Sam.
Now, you just throw the money over here.
Right down there.
Uh-huh.
Oh, and I'II, uh, I'll have your gun.
Real easy, butt first.
Right down there, too.
(coyotes yipping, howling)
You could have had half.
You never did have any brains.
Could be a trap.
Well, it figures.
Yeah, Bord's gone all the way now, Adam... he's a killer.
Yeah.
Well, ain't but one of 'em left now.
And that's where the money is.
Where's the man belongs to that horse?
I don't know, he left him here, he took another, and give me a $20 gold piece not more than two hours ago.
Which way did he go?
Uh, west, toward Towbridge Creek.
We'd like some fresh horses.
- Well, now, may...
- In a hurry, huh?
(gun clicks)
Well, he's left the trail again.
Adam, he ain't doing a bloomin' thing but leading us on one big merry chase around and round a circle in these blooming' rocks.
Yeah, well, sooner or later, he's got to go to water.
(gun clicks)
We're even.
I don't owe you now.
Well, he'll have to find a town now.
Yeah. 
Which one's nearest?
Slatersville.
Hey, ain't that where?
That's right.
- Howdy.
- Howdy.
What can I do for you?
This fit any animal you got in here today?
Mare near rode to death.
Goin' to get him another horse tonight.
You got any idea where the man is?
I wouldn't be surprised he's over to the saloon there cooling his dampers.
Pretty hot out today.
Thanks.
(sighs)
(wagons rattling)
Miss Regina. 
Miss Regina.
Hoss!
Oh, Hoss, where is he?
Where's Adam? 
Is he?
He's all right, ma'am.
Thank God.
But where?
Ma'am, Bord's in town here, and Adam's gone after him.
Oh, no.
Ma'am, I know how you feel,
I know how Adam feels.
There ain't nothing nobody can do to stop him.
The only thing we can do is try to help him!
WAGON DRIVER:
Whoa!
Hoss, I've got to find him.
(door shuts)
Adam!
Adam, I beg thee, thou must not do this thing.
What about your father, these people?
For whatever the reason, it would be violence.
Adam, I see vengeance in thine eyes!
I saw it when thee rode off!
I've to get that money back.
If thee get it this way with a gun, then it is not worth having!
Thee will find him, and he will be killed or thee will be killed.
I'm sorry.
Adam, if thee do this thing, it will be between us all our lives.
It has to be done, Regina.
You'll get over it.
Will I?
Look at me, Adam.
I am no child.
I've waited a long time to find the kind of a man I could love.
Listen to her, Adam.
You know I don't have any choice.
I'm responsible for Sam Bord!
Thee are not responsible to him.
Thee are responsible to nobody but thyself.
Adam, I beg thee, put away thy gun!
(footsteps approach)
Adam, no, no!
But we befriended thee!
Get out of the way, old man.
I've run all I'm gonna run.
- Hoss, get her out of here!
- Adam!
MATTHEW:
No, no!
Take this back.
I'm all right.
I had to do it.
(cattle bellowing)
(sheep bleating)
Thee are well enough to ride now?
Yes.
Thee will come and visit us?
No, I, I couldn't do that, knowing what it would do to you... and them.
And to thee, Adam?
And me, yes.
He was my father, Adam.
Their leader.
I would be breaking faith with him, and them... and myself, if I...
Neither one of us had a choice, did we?
Bless thee, Adam.
WAGON DRIVER:
Giddyap! 
(whistles)
Hep. 
Hyah! 
Hup!
Home, Adam?
Home.

Out West where men were brave and bold
The most exciting story told
Is all about a stranger Who lived a life of danger
And he loved that shining gold
Jesse James was his name
Jesse James was his name
Let me tell you now Before a guy could wink his eye
He'd rob the stage as it went by
And just as sure as Hades He'd kiss the lovely ladies
And you ought to hear him sigh
Jesse James was his name
Jesse James was his name
Oh, yeah, well, a trigger-happy guy was he
As fast as any guy could be
I'll lay you two to one, man
Not another gunman
Was half as fast as he
Jesse James was his name
He made a lot of friends But there the story ends
'Cause all good gunmen die
Jesse James was his name Was his name
The wealth and might that is America today is reflected in its farms, its factories, its banking institutions and certainly in its various mammoth insurance companies.
These gigantic corporations owned by millions of stockholders and policy holders have, since the beginning of our country, been an integral part of our life.
Untold thousands of Americans have received their educations through the benefits of insurance policies.
Millions of American families have been raised partially, or entirely, on a monthly check from their insurance company, and the history of the expansion of these institutions could almost be the history of the expansion of America itself.
But, vast as the resources and holdings of these mighty companies are today, each is the result of great pioneering courage and perseverance of these great founders.
And who deserves much of the credit for the evolution of these companies from their simple beginnings into their present size?
It is no one but that almost forgotten, hardworking door-to-door insurance salesman, to whom we respectfully dedicate this picture.
The time is the early 1880s.
The place is New York City.
The occasion is a sales meeting of the employees of the Plymouth Rock Insurance Company.
Yes. 
Now, may I have the other charts, Miss Raskin?
Let's see how you other gentlemen have done.
Crimshaw. 
Oh, yes, yes.
You've done an admirable job, Crimshaw.
You dipped a little there in May, but I see you bounced back up, and you'll soon have a leg on the gold watch.
Yes.
Now...
Well. 
Hastings! 
You're right up there, aren't you?
You keep this up and you're well on your way to that free weekend at Coney Island.
Why, this is amazing.
Oh.
Farnsworth.
Farnsworth, when are you ever gonna sell a policy?
May I remind you, sir, that just two weeks ago,
I turned in a signed policy for a Miss Elfrida Bennett?
Which was rejected.
On a medical technicality.
Yes, a slight technicality.
When the doctor arrived to examine her, she was dead.
Well, we've got to get a faster doctor.
A 30-year endowment policy on a woman 98 years old.
Well, she lied about her age.
And much as I dislike tooting my own horn, sir,
I was solely responsible for the sale of Plymouth Rock's first marine policy, issued on the new schooner Nantucket.
Please, please, don't remind me of that launching.
I can still see the bubbles.
How did I know the anchor was heavier than the boat?
Milford, I've given this a lot of thought, and I think this company can get along very well without you.
Turn in your key to the washroom.
Well, can't I even have visiting privileges?
Farnsworth, I'm curious.
What do you expect to achieve with such crass ineptitude, such utter incompetence, such colossal stupidity?
Well, I was hoping to become your assistant.
Sorry you couldn't get in yesterday, Milford. 
We all missed your nickel.
Charlie, have you thought any more about that insurance?
Some other time.
Sullivan beat Gentleman Jim? 
He hasn't a chance.
Yeah? 
That's what they said when they matched him up against Paddy Ryan.
Well, you can see their legs clear up to the knees, I tell you.
Yeah? 
What'd you say they called themselves?
The Gibson Girls.
Clear up to the knees. 
I tell you, it's enough to drive you mad.
If you're talking about the Kansas City bank, he got away with $25,000.
Jesse James wouldn't pull a gun out of his holster for 25,000. 
The bank said...
Pardon me, gentlemen, the exact amount was $33,228.33.
That's Jesse James!
Whiskey.
Forget it. 
It's on the house.
Charlie, if you're going to buy any insurance, today is the day. 
I've got to make a sale.
Later, Milford. 
Later.
Charlie, there is no later with insurance.
You can't put off till tomorrow what may strike you today.
Please, Milford, not now.
No, you're taking a lot of chances. 
You got a lot of money laying around here.
Milford...
I mean, cash for your payroll, cash for your customers, money in the till.
- This place is a gold mine.
- Have another sandwich. 
No charge.
Now what's to prevent somebody from walking in here and pressing the cold barrel of a. 45 against your temple?
Very little.
Yeah, one shot and your wife is an orphan.
But not with Plymouth Rock Insurance.
You can leave her 5,000, 10,000, anything you want.
And when your time comes, you'll find yourself slipping away with a smile on your lips and a song in your heart.
You got to think about that.
That's the way to go, you know.
You got to think.
Please. 
Watch out, kid.
- Charlie...
- I wanna talk to you.
You'll have to excuse us, sir.
This is a private conversation between the two of us, if you don't mind.
You two may not finish.
I'm interested in slipping away with a smile on my lips and a song in my heart. 
I'll have my drink over at the table here.
This may be a hot one.
You caught me just at the right time. 
I think I have one policy left.
Pleased to be of service to you, sir. 
My card.
What is a Milford Farnsworth?
Oh, that's me. 
That's my name. 
I'm Milford Farnsworth.
All right.
Oh, no. 
Whiskey is the weak man's crutch.
Now, we at Plymouth Rock are honored to have been chosen by you, Mister...
- James. 
TJ James.
- Oh, yes.
I'd like to hear a little more about this insurance.
As I understand it, your company is willing to bet me on how long I'll live?
And they'll take the short end by betting I'll live a long time?
Yeah. 
I guess you could put it that way.
Well, if I'm dead, how do I know I'll get paid off?
My good man, the Plymouth Rock Insurance Company wouldn't be in business two minutes if they didn't make good on their policies.
Just so long as we understand each other. 
Now, who gets the money?
Well, your wife, your mother, whatever loved one you designate.
Well, then you take out your pencil and paper and start writing.
- The money goes to Miss Cora Lee Collins.
- Cora Lee Collins.
- Angel's Rest, Missouri.
- Angel's Rest, Missouri.
- And what is her relationship to you?
- Loved one.
I don't think the company has that classification.
Well, make it wife. 
She will be.
Now, how much money is your company prepared to put up?
Well, we're prepared to go as high as you want to go.
That's 1,000, 5,000, 10,000...
- Well, let's say 100,000.
- Yeah, let's say that. 
Oh.
Well, how would you like to make the payments?
Would that be quarterly, or semi-annually?
- I'll pay it all now.
- You'll pay it all...
No, no, you don't understand.
See, that's about $33,000.
100,000. 
That's the premium and I...
Yeah, well, just keep the change.
Yeah.
You just wait here and I'll run across the street to the doctor's and arrange for your physical.
Don't you take any drinks or anything.
You look fine just as you are.
Good morning, Mr. Quesely. 
You remember me?
With deep horror.
I hope you haven't had the lock in the washroom changed, because I'm gonna be around here for quite a while.
You have 30 seconds to leave before your beneficiaries cash in.
Mr. Quesely. 
I sold a policy.
Ten seconds. 
And get that trash off my desk.
Mr. Quesely, do you know what's in that bag?
It better be something you can defend yourself with, Farnsworth.
There's $33,000 in that bag.
Farnsworth, do you feel all right?
It represents the premium paid in full on an insurance policy of $100,000.
I suggest that this be counted and turned over to the auditor at once.
Here's the policy, if you'd like to look it over, sir.
Why certainly, sir. 
I mean, Milford.
Yeah, let's see now.
"Mr. TJ James, beneficiary Miss Cora Lee Collins,
"in the amount of
"$100,000."
Well, who is this Mr. TJ James, my boy?
Oh, he's quite an operator.
But what are his sources of income?
Well, naturally I didn't pry into any details.
- Naturally.
- But I gathered from him that he's well known in railroad and banking circles.
Well, this is too big to fool with. 
Better set up an appointment for his physical.
Oh, I'm afraid it's too late for that.
Mr. James left last night on the train.
But I had Doc Bishop rush him through right away. 
Here's the medical.
I promised you'd send him a box of cigars.
Send them? 
I'll take them over myself.
Here's the morning paper, Mr. Quesely.
Miss Raskin, how many times have I told you not to interrupt me in conference?
And never, never when I'm with our star salesman, Mr. Farnsworth.
Just a minute, Miss Raskin.
How much have you been drawing a week, Milford?
Oh, $7.50.
Raise that to $10. 
And do you have the $25 bonus that I told you to draw for Milford this morning? 
Good.
See that he gets it right away.
Now, Farnsy, my boy,
I am going to carry the ball from here on in. 
You take the rest of the day off.
- Oh, but it's a working day.
- It's a day to celebrate.
Go on to the beach. 
Take a ride on the new elevated.
You've earned it. 
Go on.
Get out of here. 
Scat.
Farnsworth! 
Farnsworth!
Another bonus?
Farnsworth.
Funny, I have a feeling I've seen that face before.
Farnsworth, is that or is that not the man to whom you sold a $100,000 life insurance policy?
I told you, I thought his face was familiar.
Anything happens to that man, this company is ruined.
Funny thing, not once during the whole evening did he mention that he was a notorious killer.
Will you shut up?
Farnsworth, you're gonna take the next train west.
What?
You're going to return this money to James and make him give up that policy.
Me, make him?
And if James refuses to return that policy, you are to remain by his side forever, to protect our interest.
You are to ride with him, eat with him, sleep with him.
At the slightest sign of danger, you are to lay down your life to protect his.
- Go. 
- But, Mr. Quesely, I'm liable to get killed.
Stop trying to cheer me up.
And I knew the minute I saw you that you were responsible gentlemen, men who are keenly aware of your financial obligations to your family and estate.
Now, no other policy can give you the protection that this one can.
And you don't have to worry about the cost.
Your wampum can be divided into 12 easy wamps.
Well, that's my story. 
Are you sold?
No? 
But I've explained everything.
Believe me, you can't go wrong with Plymouth Rock.
Why won't you buy? 
Give me one reason.
Foreigners.
They're foreigners.
All right, everybody. 
Reach!
All right, let's get 'em up.
Come on, now. 
Get out the money and the valuables. 
Come on.
All right, get 'em out.
You heard what he said.
You got anything?
You sure?
You wouldn't fool me?
What is that, a gold tongue?
Now, let's have the rest of it.
That's it. 
There's a good boy.
- Now, let's have the rest of it.
- That's all there is.
Oh.
- What's that?
- Oh, that's just my girdle.
- Oh, it's your girdle.
- I'm wearing it a little loose this...
Oh...
Say, that'll just fit me.
But I'm supposed to give that money to somebody.
You just did.
Did you ever hear of a man called Jesse James?
Who's he?
Well, he happens to be a very close friend of mine that I'm gonna visit.
How do you think he's gonna feel when he finds out how you treated me?
Heartbroken.
All right, boys, let's get out of here.
Didn't I hand you $1 when we left New York?
Yes, sir. 
Right here.
Well, thanks for keeping an eye on it for me.
Say, where can I find Jesse James?
I wanna talk to him about a robbery.
There's a guy here, wants to see Jesse about a robbery.
Hey, open up. 
I want to send a telegram.
I don't know what I've got, but I hope there's a cure for it.
Jesse, a stranger in town wants to see you about a robbery.
Thanks a lot.
Take care of that, Frank. 
Not too rough. 
Just get him out of town.
That's New York. 
Send it collect.
Man could get a cheap nose job here.
Hey, where can I find Jesse James?
Never heard of him.
I'll find him.
I just got to figure out what a man like Jesse'd be doing at this time of day.
It's for my new number.
You like it?
Yeah. 
Sure do like it, Cora Lee, honey.
My, you're as pretty as a new bank.
Please, Jesse.
Don't ruin it before I've had a chance to wear it.
Well, buy another one, if that's all that's bothering you.
I'm sorry.
I guess all women feel that way about a new dress.
Maybe so.
Oh, I forgot...
I got you something.
Looks mighty expensive.
Yeah, I'd have got it for you sooner, but the train didn't come through till this morning.
Thank you.
You got to keep it. 
We're gonna get married, aren't we?
I'd like to think about it.
You thought about it long enough.
I'm getting tired of waiting.
Ma's coming in today. 
She's gonna make the arrangements.
You always get what you want, don't you, Jesse?
Always.
Cora Lee Collins.
Cora Lee Collins. 
I thought that name sounded familiar.
Jesse's beneficiary.
Howdy.
Hi.
Hi, sir.
Nice day for drinking.
Wasn't it?
- What'll you have?
- Oh, I'd like some information.
We sell liquor here, boy.
Oh.
I'll take what he's having.
Do you know where I could find a Miss Cora Lee Collins?
She works here at night.
If you're still here by then, you'll see her.
You should have a wick in this.
What's the matter, don't you like the liquor I'm drinking?
Yeah. 
It's okay.
Why don't you drink it?
That'll be 50 cents.
Here's your change.
Lucky I didn't have a bigger bill.
I hit it. 
Struck it rich.
The drinks are on me.
Hooray!
What'll it be?
Some of that.
- You drink that all the time?
- Ever since the goat went dry.
A man like you needs protection.
Now my company is willing to bet you on how long you're gonna live, and we'll take the short end by betting you you'll live a long time.
- Really?
- That's the Plymouth Rock.
Fill them up again.
Where do I make the bet?
You just sign right there. 
And the bet's on as soon as you pass the physical.
How are you fixed?
Hey, Grigsby!
You double-crossing varmint! 
You jumped my claim!
He'll never pass the physical.
All right, drink up, everybody.
Anybody doesn't drink with me is a dead man.
Well, what're you gonna do?
Oh, I can't play. 
I don't have any money.
That's better than money.
Oh. 
Well, as long as it's a friendly game.
- I'm out.
- Me, too.
- I pass.
- Me, too.
- How many?
- I'll stand pat.
- I'll suffer through.
- Give me three.
Three.
- Give me three cards.
- I just gave you three.
I didn't like those.
Oh.
That's better. 
Now give me two.
Hope you find something you like soon. 
I'm running out of deck.
That's fine. 
I got all I need now. 
What do you do?
- Oh, I think I'll take one.
- You was pat.
Fair is fair.
Anything I can't stand, it's cheating at cards.
Me, neither. 
Another thing I can't stand is killing.
Well, now, killing in this town'll get you 90 days. 
Cheating'll get you shot.
That's what I like. 
Law and order.
I bet two stacks.
Oh, I can't go any further.
I haven't got any more money.
Why, sure you have.
What're you fellas with, a laundry?
The pants.
I didn't think the stakes were that low.
All right, there you are.
- I call you.
- Four queens.
Wait a minute. 
I didn't see 'em.
Mister, if you don't find four queens in that deck, I'll give you your money back.
Hold it. 
I got you beat anyway. 
I got four kings.
All right, let's see 'em.
I said, let's see 'em.
There.
If you don't find four kings in that goat, I'll give you your money back.
Why, you cheating tinhorn.
Hold it. 
Don't anybody make a move or I'll blow my brains out.
You've all had your little joke. 
Now I'm giving the orders.
Okay. 
Give me my shirt. 
Here, hold my coat. 
Give me my pants.
Here, hold my gun. 
You don't know who you're...
Where have I failed?
One thing I know, a Westerner never shot a man in the back.
Oh. 
Wait till I tell the Chamber of Commerce about this.
I'll be right there, Ma.
What are you doing in here?
Oh, I'm with the fire department, ma'am.
Just checking safety regulations.
Yep. 
Yeah, it'll burn.
Yeah. 
Oh, that'll burn.
I'm sorry.
It's very warm.
Get 'em up.
- That's what I'm trying to do.
- If I was you, I'd get out of this town.
Do you know whose room that was you just come out of?
- No.
- Jesse James' gal.
Oh. 
Do you know who I am?
- No.
- Thanks. 
When's the next train leave?
That city fellow sent this telegram a while ago.
Well, so he wired his boss for more money.
Maybe we better be nice to him till he gets here.
Where is this Farnsworth?
I just put him on the train, Jesse.
Don't worry, I'm used to getting things off that train.
Why, it's Jesse James.
Put 'em down. 
Put 'em down. 
This one's on me.
Hiya, Milford.
- Hiya, Jesse.
- I've been looking all over for you.
- I've been looking for you.
- Come on, we're going back.
- We're miles from town.
- Oh, I got a horse waiting.
Yeah?
He's my client.
Ma, I want you to meet a friend of mine.
From New York. 
His name is Milford Farnsworth.
- I'll go get your room ready.
- Howdy, son, and welcome.
Pleased to know you. 
Mighty fine place you have here.
Well, I guess I'll be running along.
Oh, it's you.
I didn't recognize you with your pants on.
Not so loud, please.
It's all right. 
The boys told me all about it.
They was just joking with you. 
They're kind of playful.
Yes.
You come on in with me. 
I'll fix you a cup of raspberry tea.
Oh, don't let me interrupt your housework.
Oh, don't fret. 
I already done the big pieces.
I'm always cleaning up after the boys.
They're so careless.
It's important to keep a gun clean, you know.
Oh, I know. 
A guy can get blood poisoning from getting killed with a dirty bullet.
This here's our game room.
Who's playing here tonight, Smith and Wesson?
Jesse got that for me when he was just a boy.
I used to send him to the museum.
Imagine. 
A little kid like that, soaking up culture, no matter what it weighed.
Sport model?
- What's this?
- That's one of Jesse's hobbies.
He collects gold watches. 
He's got enough there to open a store.
Probably how he got most of them.
Milford, your room's ready for you.
Say, I sure appreciate your letting me stay here where I can keep an eye on you.
I gotta make sure nothing happens to you.
Hey! 
Here's a little present for you.
Really? 
For me? 
Gee, thanks, Jesse.
Hey, and you had it engraved, too.
I did?
Yeah. "To Milford Farnsworth from his grandfather. "
- And Cora Lee. 
How nice.
- Hello, Ma.
What a pretty dress.
- You look mighty pretty yourself.
- Thank you, dear.
Come on in to the house.
- Evening, Miss Cora Lee.
- Evening, Cole.
- Hello, Hannah.
- Frank, here's Cora Lee.
- Good evening, Cora Lee.
- Good evening, Frank.
- Nice to see you.
- Thank you.
- Pardon me, will you? 
- Mmm-hmm.
Oh, Mr. Farnsworth.
- How do you do?
- I believe you two have met.
- Oh, yes.
- How are things at the firehouse?
- Well, not too good.
- They found a sliver in the pole.
- I'll go get you two something to drink.
Say, I want to apologize for breaking in on you like that.
Oh, that's all right. 
I guess you lost your head.
That's not all I lost.
They do play a rough game of poker in this town.
It's lucky I quit. 
My next bet would've been skin.
Come in. 
Welcome to the party.
Come right on in and make yourselves comfortable.
Oh, hiya, Milford. 
Some party, eh?
Oh, Cora Lee, honey.
Would you do the honors?
I'll fetch the cigars.
Milford Farnsworth, this is Luke Hutchins, our mayor of Angel's Rest.
- Hi, Mayor.
- Welcome to our town.
It's yours for the asking.
And this is Jeremiah Cole, our village blacksmith.
Oh, well, who's watching the chestnut tree?
- Mighty glad to know you.
- Thank you very much.
You can quit pumping. 
I think we got a pretty good blaze going.
And over here we have Mortimer Hobclaw.
Mr. Hobclaw's our undertaker.
- How do you do?
- How are you?
Oh, I'm sorry. 
I meet so few people standing up.
You can take inventory later.
Say, you have some mighty interesting people here in Missouri.
That's very good.
What is your name, son?
Harry Truman.
Keep playing. 
You'll help the party.
- Shall we try the porch? 
It might be cooler. 
- Mmm-hmm.
Is this your first trip west, Mr. Farnsworth?
Yes, I've always wanted to open up this territory for my insurance firm.
- Oh, you're in insurance.
- Deeper than you think.
- Is Mrs. Farnsworth here with you?
- No. 
She's too old to travel this far.
Besides, she wouldn't want to leave Dad alone.
Oh, I know what you mean.
No. 
I guess I'm what you'd call an eligible bachelor.
Oh.
Well, I guess there's no harm in a man taking his time before embarking on a sea of matrimony.
As long as he doesn't wait till he's too old to make the trip.
Oh, Ahwahnee.
This is Princess Ahwahnee.
Mr. Farnsworth, dear.
An Indian Princess. 
Do I curtsy or just tip my scalp?
How do you do?
If you don't see what you want, just ask for it.
Your eyes, they should be on a woman.
Yeah. 
They usually are.
Well, I see you've made a conquest.
Well, this is pretty strange for me out here.
Different than New York?
Well, you could walk for days through Central Park without seeing an Indian.
Really?
I'll get you a drink.
- No, thanks.
- How about something to eat?
- No, thank you.
- Would you care to dance?
Mmm-mmm.
Well, that doesn't leave very much.
- Hey, Cora Lee, how about it?
- All right.
It's a mighty pretty evening for a barbecue
Got the banjos out to plunk a bar or two
Moon is shining bright And there's a star or two
And I can smell the donuts and the pie
But I just ain't a-hankering for banjo plunking
Ain't a-hankering for pumpkin pie
Ain't a-hankering for donut dunking
There's something else entirely on my mind
Oh, there's something else entirely on my mind
And it ain't cotton picking
And it ain't berry pie
And it ain't eating chicken
There's something else entirely on my mind
Oh, there's something else entirely on my mind
I'll bet that Broadway's all lit up And Central Park's in bloom
Swell hotels with belles a-smelling from perfume
Folks a-grabbing hansom cabs to see Grant's Tomb
And the carousel is swell at Coney Isle But I just
Ain't a-hankering to see trees blooming
Ain't a-hankering to see swell styles
Ain't a-hankering to go Grant's-Tombing
There's something else entirely on my mind
Yeah, there's something else entirely on my mind
And it ain't hansom cabbing
And it ain't Coney Isle
And it ain't brass ring-grabbing
Oh, there's something else entirely on my mind
Oh, there's something else entirely on my mind
Everything all right, Frank?
Just like a church social. 
I told the boys to lay off the rough stuff.
Him. 
Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.
- Maybe butter's not what he's after, Jesse. 
- Forget it, Frank.
- Okay. 
She's not my gal.
- Relax. 
Milford's our friend.
Till the dough comes.
Till the dough comes, then we won't need Mr. Farnsworth anymore.
- Okay, Jesse. 
Just let me know.
- Let you know?
Yeah, you have all the fun.
Let me have this one, huh?
Well, I'd better say goodnight to Jesse.
- Jesse.
- You have to leave so soon?
- I must. 
I'm a working girl, you know.
- Yeah, but not for long.
Oh, Milford, I gotta take care of my other guests.
Would you mind showing Cora Lee back to town?
I'd be happy to, Jesse.
- Good night, honey.
- Good night, Jesse.
You don't need to, Milford. 
Out here, you know, women aren't quite that helpless.
Don't move.
There. 
Boy, the mice grow pretty big out here, don't they?
- That was a Gila monster. 
They're deadly.
- Really?
You're a very brave man.
Why? 
For just killing a little old Gila monster?
- I know. 
But with a rattlesnake?
- Yeah...
Come on, I'll take you home.
Later we'll toss to see who takes me home.
I won't have it, Son. 
I tell you, I won't have it.
I already told you, Ma. 
There's nothing I can do about it.
I've got a position in this community, and I'm gonna do the best I can to uphold it.
I declare, Jesse, you're the most stubborn son a mother ever had.
I'll leave it to anybody.
Oh, Mr. Farnsworth.
Oh, evening, ma'am. 
I was just on my way up to my room.
I wish you'd help me talk some sense into this fool son of mine.
He's bent on having a gunfight tomorrow at dawn.
- Oh, you shouldn't do that.
- 'Course not.
I won't have him leaving without breakfast.
I wish you'd quit babying me, Ma. 
Snake Brice is in town, boasting he's gonna shoot me down. 
What do you expect me to do?
Eat a good breakfast.
Your pa never went out shooting folks on an empty stomach.
You remind me of my own mother.
Besides, it's damp at dawn, and Jesse's liable to get pneumonia before he gets killed.
"Killed"? 
Hey, we got to talk about this.
- What about the policy?
- We'll talk about it after the shooting.
No, that may be too late.
Promise me you'll wear your rubbers if it's damp, Son?
Sure, Ma.
And remember to take a clean handkerchief.
Stop fretting, Ma. 
I won't go without my breakfast.
Well, I better get to sleep. 
Man says he's gonna gun you at dawn, you want to be there.
Jesse's a good boy.
- You mean you're gonna let him go?
- It's his work.
It's like being a doctor. 
If somebody wants you, you gotta go, any time of the day or night. 
Know what I mean?
Anything happens to that man, this company is ruined.
Anything happens to that man, this company is ruined.
Anything happens to that man, this company is ruined.
All right, I'm getting tired of your ugly face.
Go for your guns.
Don't move. 
I got the drop on you.
Come on, get going.
- Jesse, somebody turned the horses loose.
- What?
- Somebody turned the horses loose.
- Well, round 'em up.
I've been robbed.
Here's the chance you been waiting for, Snake. 
Jesse's in town.
I'll be ready soon as I finish my breakfast.
I'm ready.
You wait in the stable.
I'll take it from here.
Anything I hate, it's a brave horse.
You go rest. 
I may be heavier on the trip home.
Okay, Jesse, I'm gonna give you a break.
You draw first.
I knew you was yellow, Jesse.
But it ain't gonna do you no good.
Draw.
Why, that's the fastest draw Jesse ever made.
I never even seen his hands touch his guns.
- Neither did I. 
- No.
Nice shooting, Jesse. 
Hey, wait a minute, that's not Jesse.
- That's Milford. 
Milford?
I hope that teaches him a lesson.
If he's not out of town by noon, I'll wing him again.
- What's all the shooting about?
- Snake Brice was looking for Jesse.
- Jesse get him?
- No, but Milford did.
- Milford?
- He's got the fastest hat alive.
- Tell him I want to see him.
- All right.
- Have you been hit?
- Calm yourself, missy. 
I feel fine.
- You're sure you're all right?
- Yup.
You put on Jesse's clothes?
And you faced Snake Brice?
- Yup. 
Yup.
- You outdrew him. 
You shot him down.
- You're a gun-slinger.
- Yup. 
Yup. 
Nope.
- Then why did you do it?
- Well, I had to.
- It was either him or me or Jesse.
- But what does Jesse mean to you?
Jesse means everything to me.
I got him insured for $100,000.
But I don't have to tell you that.
After all, you're his beneficiary.
- His what?
- You mean to say you didn't know that if Jesse gets killed, you get $100,000?
Why would Jesse arrange a thing like that?
You can answer that better than me.
After all, you're his girl, aren't you?
Well, aren't you?
Jesse doesn't ask questions. 
If he wants something, he just takes it.
And who's gonna argue with him? 
Are you?
Well, it hadn't occurred to me before, but now that you mentioned it, nope.
Milford. 
Milford, will you do something for me? 
Something I want very much?
Well, I reckon that depends.
- Now, what was it you wanted?
- Get out of town.
You sure got a funny way of saying goodbye.
I wouldn't want anything to happen to you.
If you stay around here, you haven't got a chance. 
Will you go?
I don't know, but I'd sure like to say goodbye again.
You're a little late, Jesse.
Milford already took care of Snake.
Where's Milford now?
You see, I told you.
Somebody shot at you.
Let's have a little more respect for heroes out there.
I reckon I better go down and teach him a lesson.
- No, wait.
- Huh?
Please, don't start anything, Milford.
Oh, as long as I don't come unstrung, I'm still in business.
Sorry, Milford. 
Thought I saw a man in here.
Oh, maybe it's because I'm wearing your clothes.
Yeah, would you mind telling me what this is all about?
Well, I want to talk to you about that insurance policy, but you won't let me.
He was only trying to protect you, Jesse.
Yeah, if anything happens to you, I'm dead.
Well, let's not have any more of this.
And I don't like anybody doing my shooting for me.
Or anything.
What's that?
Well, I shaved this morning, and I'm a slow bleeder.
Better get out of here before I become a faster one.
Got something for you, Jesse.
This just come for Farnsworth from that insurance company in New York.
"Milford Farnsworth, Angel's Rest, Missouri.
"You are fired. 
Repeat, fired.
"You are the Benedict Arnold of the insurance business.
"Am coming west with another $33,000
"to buy back policy.
Arriving 10:00 tonight.
"Kindly do not meet me. 
Titus Quesely. "
Oh, we ain't gonna meet him.
We're just gonna shake hands with his money. 
Thanks, Elmo.
Wait a minute, what's all this about my being your beneficiary?
Oh, didn't I tell you?
Well, one day soon, you and me are gonna collect $100,000.
Then we can settle down.
To collect $100,000, you've gotta be dead.
Oh, I won't be dead.
It'll be some fellow who just looks like me.
- Milford.
- Yeah, Jess?
You wear that outfit.
Looks great on you.
- Can I keep it?
- As long as you live.
And don't tire yourself out down there.
We got a little business deal tonight.
Say, Jesse, I wonder what's holding up that train?
In case you forgot, we are.
- Hey, nobody's gonna get hurt, are they?
- Not necessarily.
Whatever you do, don't get shot.
My company would never forgive me.
I don't plan to.
- Hey, here she comes now.
- Hey, Jesse, I've been thinking this over and I'm gonna sit this one out. 
I just don't like it.
- Let's go.
- Yeah.
All right, let's go. 
Come on.
Aw, it might be fun after all.
You know what to do?
I ought to. 
I've been robbed myself.
Well, now's your chance to get even.
I'm pretty fast on the trigger, too.
And there's the trigger, right there.
Just remember. 
These people try to hide their jewels and money.
We have to search everybody.
Check. 
You take the men and I'll take the women.
Come on.
Reach.
We'll cover you. 
Get busy.
All right, get your valuables out.
Don't any of you varmints reach for a weapon or I'll let daylight through you.
Put it in the poke. 
There you are. 
Okay, all of it.
All right, shorty, get it up. 
Come on, let's have it. 
Where did you go?
Toss it down, redwood.
You got snow up there?
All right, get 'em up. 
Up.
What a bank. 
Drop that turnip in here. 
Watch it.
Okay, let's have it. 
Okay, come on.
Young man, I hope you realize what you're doing's against the law.
Hide it. 
Hide it, we're over our quota.
- What are you trying to do?
- Sorry, we don't take confederate money.
Here, let me see that. 
All right...
Nothing wrong with that stuff.
What are you trying to do, go in business for yourself?
What's wrong with that?
Nothing. 
I just wanted to see if you're on your toes.
Boys, let's get out of here. 
Yeah.
- You, guard the rear.
- Guard the rear?
Oh, but, Jesse, Jesse, wait for me.
Jesse, wait for me. 
Jesse, Jesse, where are you?
Come on. 
What are we waiting for? 
Let's get out of here.
One little chore we ain't attended to yet.
- Oh! 
Oh, there you are.
- Let's get outta here.
Jesse!
- Okay, Jesse, I covered the rear.
- You ride on ahead. 
We'll take over.
Well, that's that.
Get in touch with the insurance people and tell them that Jesse James is dead.
I needed that.
You look like you had a hard day at the office.
We're going to the ranch tonight.
Start packing your things.
- What for? 
What is all this?
- We had an accident at the train tonight.
I got killed.
He's dead.
The tombstone on Boot Hill will have my name on it.
As soon as the insurance company pays off that $100,000, we'll have enough for the rest of our lives.
We're getting married tomorrow.
Now, let's take this a little slower, Jesse.
Now start packing.
- You the telegraph operator?
- That's right.
Never figured she'd make it on time after getting held up tonight.
- How did you know the train was held up?
- That train always gets held up.
Here.
I want this message delivered promptly to the telegraph operator at the first stop.
We'll get ourselves a fine spread somewhere.
A long ways from here, 1,000 miles. 
Maybe California.
You and Frank can have this place.
Gonna be all right, Ma, working out real great.
What if they come around here, looking for him?
- Looking for who?
- Milford.
Just tell 'em he went back east.
Sounds reasonable.
Milford was a nice boy.
Yeah.
Too bad he didn't have some of his own insurance.
So they'll be looking for him.
Leastways they won't be looking for me no more.
There won't be any more sheriffs riding up to my door.
It's Milford.
Whoa. 
Oh, boy. 
Whoa girl. 
Whoa.
Happy yogurt.
Oh, good. 
You made it. 
I was worried about you, Jesse.
I would've gone back and looked for you, but my horse got away from me.
Boy, I thought sure they got you.
Good boy.
Oh, boy.
It's sure good to be home.
What a night.
What's the matter with you two? 
You look as though you've seen a ghost.
Why, we heard you got killed in the train holdup, Milford.
What happened? 
I can't understand how we could've...
I mean, I thought you stopped a lot of lead out there.
Oh, I did. 
I gained twelve pounds in seven seconds. 
But I was okay.
Boy, it's a good thing Jesse went to that museum.
I was wearing my heavies.
- Pretty good, eh, Ma?
- Oh, yes. 
Yes, indeed.
- You were very lucky, Milford.
- Lucky? 
I could've been Swiss cheese.
Those bullets were playing Goodbye Forever up and down my spine.
Oh, but I've had it. 
I'm gonna find Mr. Quesely first thing in the morning and give myself up. 
It won't be bad. 
You know, about 10 years.
- Give yourself up? 
What for?
- I robbed a train tonight.
- Well, so what? 
I was there, too.
- Yeah, but that's different with you.
That's your business. 
Yeah.
Well, I'll see you in the morning before I leave, Ma.
Good night, Ma.
- Good night, Jesse.
- Good night, Milford.
Boy, I'm glad you're okay.
That's the main thing. 
Good night.
- How about that?
- Now, now, Son.
Things went a little wrong tonight. 
Don't let that bother you.
Remember what I always taught you, Son.
What you can't do today you can do tomorrow.
Good morning.
- Going someplace?
- Yes, it's back to the big town for me.
Well, I'm kind of glad, and I'm sorry, too, Milford.
We'll miss you around here.
Yeah, well, I gotta get back and report to the company.
I got a lot of big deals cooking.
I think you're one of the nicest persons I've ever known.
I'm glad I'm here to hear it.
I'm sorry things didn't work out better for you.
Oh, things worked out fine, just fine.
I got myself mixed up in a robbery.
Practically put my company out of business.
Double-crossed my friends.
It's not easy to louse up a whole town in three days, but I made it.
Compared to me, General Custer was a big success.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, Milford.
I'd kind of like to say goodbye like we did before.
Yeah.
- Goodbye, Milford.
- Cora Lee.
- Hi, Jess.
- Milford.
Milford, I was thinking about what you talked about last night.
You didn't do anything wrong.
Your boss was bringing that money out to give to me and I got it.
Yeah, but you don't understand, Jesse.
The money was for the return of the policy.
Return the policy.
- Well, I might just do that.
- You would?
I always knew you were my friend.
You ride into town and tell Quesely that I'll be in for a talk, huh?
Oh, great.
- Oh, Milford.
- Yeah.
Be sure you take the shortcut, the one over there through Stone Canyon.
- Stone Canyon?
- Yeah.
- Thanks, Jesse.
- Real pretty that way.
- Bye, Cora Lee.
- Bye, Milford.
I'll be back in a minute.
He don't scare me, but if you're chicken, we better get going. 
Come on.
Come on, baby.
All right, this is it. 
Whip it into high.
If I was in shape, you wouldn't...
You...
Oh. 
I wasn't trying.
I know how you feel about me, Princess, but try and control your emotions.
- Keep head down. 
Maybe come more rock.
- Yeah.
Yeah, it's a good thing you bumped into me.
- That could have been a nasty accident.
- No accident.
You might not be so lucky next time. 
Now, this policy protects you against falling objects, buffalo stampedes and termites in your wigwam.
Just sign right here.
What do you mean it was no accident?
- If you die, Jesse collect insurance.
- Jesse? 
But I've got him insured.
How could he collect if...
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, he could dress my body up in his clothes, and there's plenty of crooked witnesses.
Yeah.
Come on. 
Let's get outta here. 
They may be loading that slingshot again.
I'm deeply honored by your obvious affection for me, Princess,
- but I'm not your type, honest Injun.
- Ahwahnee know that you love another.
- Cora Lee?
- She send me to warn you of ambush.
- Really?
- She love you.
Love me? 
Oh, I couldn't be that lucky.
- It is sad that you let her marry another.
- A doll like her, loving...
What was that again?
She does not wish it, but Jesse marry her today.
Well, he can't do that to my girl.
- We got to figure out a way to stop that.
- How?
This is no time for Indian talk. 
Let's get moving.
Whoa. 
Whoa there.
- Someone's coming.
- Yeah?
- Maybe Jesse's men.
Whoa. 
Whoa. 
Whoa, there. 
Whoa, there.
Hey, Indians. 
Indians.
Halt! 
Halt in the name of the law.
- Me, Justice of Peace.
- Me no savvy. 
Gotta scoot.
- Me big hurry.
- I'm in a hurry, too.
This is one bridegroom I'd better not keep waiting.
Are you make marriage?
Come all the way from Elderberry City for this one.
Which way is the James Ranch?
Me show paleface. 
Me show how go fast.
Go fast like wind through cheap teepee.
I'm in a hurry. 
I'm late now.
Ah, come. 
Come.
- Just tell me. 
Point.
- No. 
Come up hill. 
See James' wigwam.
Very good, from hill. 
Come.
Well, a man don't get married every day, you know.
What a beautiful day for a wedding.
Like they say, "Happy is the bride the sun shines on. "
Then I don't see why it doesn't rain.
Oh... 
It would cool things off.
Oh, you're just fretting, dear. 
And you don't need to.
Jesse's going to treat you real nice. 
Jesse respects womanhood.
He ain't never shot a one.
How do you like the foliage?
Oh, you fool me.
Thanks to you, old man. 
When we get to town I'll buy you a flyswatter.
We can't ride horse. 
Horse get sick. 
Been eating these.
- What are you talking about?
- You see.
He looks all right to me.
Whoops.
Looks like somebody stole his merry-go-round.
- Is he going to happy hunting ground?
- They no kill.
Just make loco for short time.
Hey, they sound like wonderful party favors.
Hey, get a rock, we can grate some of these in the buckboard.
These may help our case. 
I hate to go to a party empty-handed. 
Come on.
Hey, Jesse, come here.
- The justice of the peace is here.
- Well, it's about time you got here.
I'm sorry about that. 
I got a late start from Elderberry City.
My wife forgot to wind the rooster.
Yeah. 
Well, let's get started.
Hey, you guys, pipe down.
All right, we'll start the wedding.
Oh, guns have no place in the sanctity of marriage.
I will not share the room with weapons of the devil. 
No, sir.
Well, all right, boys. 
Take off your guns. 
We'll put 'em in the kitchen.
Put 'em on the table, boys.
Well, a mighty fine spread you got here.
Oh, I'm sorry, Judge. 
I'm not used to being a host.
- Have a drink.
- Well, just a little one.
Oh, go on, have a real drink.
Well, it wouldn't be proper for me to drink unless it was a toast to the groom.
That's it. 
A toast to the groom.
To Jesse James, a good son,
- a good brother and a good...
- Down the hatch!
Let's have another one.
Everybody ready?
Here comes the bride.
My friends, we are...
How you feeling?
Fine. 
Will you get on with it?
My friends, we are all gathered here today to mourn for the dearly departed.
Oh, I'm sorry, that's where I left off yesterday.
What about today?
Oh, you nervous bridegrooms are all the same.
- What are you doing?
- Just checking.
A healthy marriage is a happy marriage.
Do you, Jesse James, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?
Yeah.
And do you, Cora Lee Collins, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?
She does.
- The ring, please.
- The ring?
Ring?
Well, if there's no ring, you can hardly expect to have a wedding.
I knew this marriage wouldn't last.
Pardon me.
Jesse, come and get some coffee, dear.
I told you you were making that punch too strong.
Hey, you guys. 
Get in the kitchen, coffee up. 
Fast!
There, they'll never come through this door.
They sure won't. 
That's the closet. 
The door's over there.
Hey, wait. 
I got an idea. 
I want to look for something.
Hurry.
Let's go, men.
Here we go.
They're coming. 
Come on.
Here they are. 
Up here in this room here.
It's locked.
All right, men. 
Let's break this door down.
Put your shoulder into it. 
Come on, move!
I'll bet you this is the first time the preacher ever eloped with the bride.
There they go! 
Come on, men!
Missed. 
They're getting away.
Move, you nincompoops.
Head for the depot. 
We gotta catch the train.
- What's the matter, Milford? 
Are you hurt?
- No, I'm fine now.
Thanks for the rest.
Darling.
Boy, I'm sure glad that's over.
Hey, Cora Lee, come back!
Bring a ladder.
I wonder what's par for this hole?
Find a river, quick.
I've had enough of that.
We've missed the train. 
Now what?
- Head for town. 
The Sheriff will help us.
- Yeah.
Whoa.
Come on.
- Sheriff, you gotta help us.
- He's gone.
Yeah. 
Wait. 
I'll get one of these.
Milford, be careful. 
I know Jesse. 
He's dangerous.
Look for some ammunition.
- You fool. 
You might hit Jesse.
- Down, Mr. Quesely.
What are you trying to do, ruin me?
I got no time to talk to you.
I'm gonna get killed in a minute.
You'll get killed when I tell you to.
I've sent for the proper authorities. 
They'll handle this.
Hey, you ruffians.
Put down those guns.
I'm making a citizen's arrest. 
I say that...
Mr. Quesely! 
Mr. Quesely!
Mr. Quesely!
There you are, Mr. Quesely. 
Have one on me.
Milford, look. 
Look what I found.
Darling, are you all right?
Yeah, you're all right.
- Is he dead?
- No.
He's one of those sneak-drinkers.
Here, stop making a pig of yourself.
- Look, Milford.
- Huh?
Oh, he's mine.
- You got him.
- Of course. 
I had him surrounded.
Here, notch that. 
Oh, I'll get him.
That got 'em.
That's one more. 
Notch it again.
Well, back to the wagon.
- Wonderful, Milford.
- You want more, huh?
Well, another one for Boot Hill.
I'll bet they're sorry they ever tangled with me.
Happy trails to you.
You hot little heater.
You want a teddy bear, baby? 
Stand by.
Frank, give me a light.
Shoot at my friend, will you?
Make smaller notches.
I may run out of handle.
I never saw such shooting.
A little high.
I'm slicing again.
Yep.
Man, do I handle this thing.
Milford, I think there's a man behind that barrel.
Give me that rifle.
Poor fool, he never had a chance.
Paleface bite dust.
Somebody's been smuggling guns to the Indians.
- Anybody left out there?
- This is the shot I've been waiting for.
All right, stick your head up, I dare you.
This fellow needs all the help he can get.
Man, I didn't know he could shoot like that.
Yeah.
All right, drop those guns or I'll show no mercy.
Anything you say, Milford.
Throw down your guns, boys.
There they are. 
I didn't think they'd give up that easily. 
How about that?
Wonderful job!
Watch my trigger finger.
It was one of my shorter battles, but I don't want to take all the credit.
Here's the gal, right here.
She helped load my guns.
It was nothing. 
Nothing at all.
If I've done anything to restore law and order to this community,
I just want to tell you that I've been amply rewarded. 
And I mean amply.
- Milford.
- Oh, yes, Mayor.
In gratitude for what you've done, the citizens of Angel's Rest are going to erect a statue of you right on this very spot.
Oh, Milford. 
Just think, a statue of you, right here.
Not yet, you fools. 
Not yet. 
Wait till they build.
I tell you, insurance is a must for everyone. 
I wouldn't be without it.
I carry protection against every possible contingency.
I have life insurance, health insurance, fire, accident, horseless carriage, lightning, collision, flood, personal liability...
- Mrs. Farnsworth is here.
- Oh, good. 
Send her in.
Will you excuse me? 
Think it over.
- Hello, my darling.
- Cora Lee.
Milford.
- Hi, Daddy.
- Hi, Daddy.
Daddy. 
Daddy. 
Daddy.
Well, you can't get insurance against everything.
Daddy. 
Daddy. 
Daddy.

Don't men die fast enough in this town?
Ainslee's worth a dozen of the best of you people.
And if I kill him, I won't be proud.
Mr. Cortwright looking for you.
] hey boy, he hasn't seen me yet, has he?
Come out of the underbrush, paladin.
Cortwright!
I just got in from carson city, paladin.
Mr. Cortwright buys and sells books.
Can't understand it.
Never catch you reading a book.
You're always out with beautiful women or chopping up outlaws.
I don't understand how you got to know so much.
Take a look at that.
Well.
That is interesting.
Keats.
1817 edition.
Mm, it's beautiful.
If anyone had told me I'd go to a gunslinger
To authenticate a rare book,
I'd say he was crazy.
It's inscribed by keats himself,
"to my friend, joseph severin."
Old tannic and iron ink.
Beautiful.
Give you $500 for it.
It's not mine.
Ainslee gave it to me to give to you.
Ainslee?
Now, who's ainslee?
Ainslee's a gunslinger.
He reads books.
Looks like he'd die of excitement at a faculty tea.
And he's killed nearly a dozen men in carson city.
But gunfights sort of to cheer the people up on dull Sunday afternoons.
Paladin.
Why, why...?
"please accept this book as a token of my sincerity
"in an unusual request.
"winston ainslee."
You gunfighters are turning classic, paladin.
Either that, or the bookworms are turning. 
Hey boy!
Yes, mr. 
Paladin?
A ticket on the stage to carson city.
Paladin?
Hm?
When you find out what it's all about,
Write me a letter.
Ah...
When you find out what it's all about,
Write me a letter!
"woman, I behold thee flippant, vain, inconstant,
"childish, proud and full of fancies."
That's very good, mr. 
Paladin.
Keats.
Whoa, whoa!
Aah!
Carson city!
Driver, you tell me where I can find a mr. 
Ainslee?
Ah!
Let me get my...
The lousy four corners, isn't it?
yeah.
Andy!
Andy baker!
What do you want with andy baker?
My brother.
He's my brother.
Andy!
You know, he's supposed to meet me.
Listen, you better come inside for a minute.
Oh, what was it you wanted?
I want to see a man named ainslee.
Bring him inside.
Ainslee will be looking for baker here.
Speak with him.
Ainslee will find you.
Andy! 
Hey!
Didn't know what to do with this stuff.
Just holding it here 'til somebody called for it.
Storage.
Cluttering up the place.
What is this?
His brother's dead.
These are his things.
Andy.
What happened to you, andy?
There's money due on these. 
For storage.
What happened to his brother?
Fellow you're looking for shot him.
Andy should never have called him out.
Who?
!
Ainslee.
Mr. Ainslee.
I didn't shoot him!
I just gotta collect for storage.
I want ainslee!
And I got to have $4.28, plus coach fare.
I'll give you the $4.28 plus coach fare.
I'll pay the charges, tom.
I'll pay for my own brother's things!
I'm sorry, baker, you've had to have this terrible shock.
I want ainslee.
Well, who's this ainslee that shot my brother?
I'm ainslee.
you're ainslee?
Your brother forced me to defend myself.
We'll talk when you're sober and have thought about things.
How'd you kill him?
Outdrew him.
I know it's difficult to believe, but...
Don't try me.
Come on.
Draw.
Come on, draw!
You're drunk.
I'd just murder you.
You...!
What's the matter with you?
I'm not gonna kill you until you're in a fit state to defend yourself.
You...!
That's all.
This is my business.
That man is doing his best not to murder you with a gun
And he's obviously no match for you with his fists!
I'm gonna break his back and you ain't gonna stop me!
He killed my brother.
andy.
Don't you get up.
Sheriff, put him on the stage out of town.
I'll pay the ticket.
Ainslee, anything you do is on your head.
You don't like it in carson city, you get on the coach.
Thank you, sir.
Reward him, anyway.
Will you do that much?
You, you awake?
Yeah.
That man there don't look like much.
But he's a clean shot.
Faster than 11 other fellows.
Including your brother.
You wanna try him in a fair fight,
You'll have the long end of the odds.
That all right, mr. 
Ainslee?
Well, thank you, anyway, mr...? 
Paladin.
Paladin?
I'm gonna kill you, ainslee.
I'm gonna kill you.
Looks like we're gonna have us a sure attack, don't it?
What's the matter, sheriff?
Don't men die fast enough for you?
Come on, get up.
Come on!
Show him where to get something to eat.
I want some coffee, too!
Hey, barkeep!
Hey! 
Hey!
Barkeep!
Hey!
Hey, could I have some coffee, please?
You got money?
coffee costs you.
Won't anybody feel sorry for andy baker's poor old brother?
You're andy's brother?
I just want some coffee, please. 
Black.
Sure, sure. 
Plenty of it.
Plenty of it.
You come here to kill ainslee?
What do you say?
You come here to kill ainslee for sure, huh?
Ainslee?
Ainslee, for sure.
My oasis, paladin.
Walls of books to keep out the wild animals.
Ainslee, what's wrong with that sheriff? 
Why doesn't he like you?
Like all the rest of 'em, he waiting for the day
When I get too slow, or just give up.
Carson city's a shooting gallery, paladin,
And I'm the hardest target and the biggest challenge in it
For any fool with delusions of grandeur.
Oh, he got here.
Mr. Paladin, my daughter, anna.
How do you do?
How do you do?
Well, he looks like he could do it.
Who was it this time?
Ah, matt baker.
Brother of that andy baker, or whatever his name is.
The one I killed last month.
Ainslee, what's wrong?
Why won't one man in this town help you?
He likes to play games and they like to watch.
Mr. Paladin?
Miss ainslee?
I think it's very clever and sensible of you
To make a business out of gun fighting.
It's, uh, it's sort of like butchering hogs.
Well, I didn't come here to butcher hogs.
No? 
Oh, of course.
Paladin.
Your business is to slay dragons?
Well, I'm not sure I like the choice you give me.
Oh, how arrogant you all are.
Pretending there's justice and a fair way to kill man.
Instead of a shooting gallery, you'd prefer carson city as a slaughterhouse?
Oh, there's no hypocrisy in a slaughterhouse.
And a lot more honesty and usefulness.
you're done.
You're a back-shooter and a dry gulcher.
Oh? 
Oh, and mr. 
Paladin is a man of honor?
How can you be sure he'll stop at what you pay him for?
Ainslee, what is it you want me to do?
Stop me from killing matt baker.
Today, he's humiliated.
Tomorrow, he'll burn with revenge,
And a day after, he'll demand justice.
And I'll sacrifice him on the altar of my own instinct for self-preservation.
And there'll be others.
Save him! 
Save the others.
I want you to shoot me in this blasted hand.
Wha...?
Well, there is a stage coach for san francisco.
You could join me on that.
My reputation would follow me.
There'd be other matt bakers and more after them.
You could change your name.
It's not too hard to lose yourself in a big city.
I have asthma.
Do you think I wouldn't trade all this to be back in the east?
Cold and sick and poor and drilling latin into wet-nosed school boys?
Another winter in a cold climate would kill me.
Why couldn't you hire paladin to kill baker?
Anna's so sure she knows all the answers.
I've asked myself over and over,
Why should they die so that I can live?
If I agree...?
We stage a gun fight.
You shoot me in the hand,
And you walk out of here with my reputation.
No.
No. 
If I was a little off, I could kill you.
Ah. 
Unless I drew a little faster than you.
Why the charades? 
Why don't you just shoot him in his hand now?
Oh.
Well, put your hand on the book.
Now, miss ainslee.
Take the gun.
Now, let's see how coldly realistic you can be.
Go on, pull the trigger.
Pull it.
Go ahead, pull it.
Oh, no!
No?
Well, so much for youthful realism.
You'll do it?
Before baker gets here.
Well...
I'd have to be sure I could outshoot you first.
Indeed.
Would you like to take a little side bet on it?
I have a little test in mind.
Now, what sort of a test?
As you well know, any ten-year-old school boy
Can hit a target if nobody's shooting at him.
I have a target, paladin.
One that kills.
Matt. 
Tomorrow, daylight.
I can show you where he shot your brother.
Crying there in the dirt, he was,
Whilst I went to get the doc.
You show him where the sun comes up.
Ainslee get it full in the face round about 11:30.
Matt here'd have it over his shoulder.
He gotta catch ainslee by surprise or he won't know when it hits him.
Now, you don't have to do that.
I know what's right.
And I'll kill him in my own way.
But I'm doing this for andy.
I'm doing it for him.
Yeah?
How you gonna do it?
Well, I'll- I'll kill him.
That's all. 
I made up my mind and I'll kill him.
Well...
I'll get more coffee.
I'll kill him any way I can.
The rattle snake strikes by heat and sound, paladin.
Kick over a rock, and if you see one,
Draw and shoot before it strikes.
All right?
All right.
The target that has a fair chance of killing you, paladin.
After you.
You can do it, paladin.
How did it come to this?
Oh, when I first came here,
It was considered funny to make the little man with the goatee
Stand up on the bar and spout latin.
It was considered even funnier
If a man took more than one punch to knock me unconscious.
I'm a scholar, paladin.
I taught myself to shoot.
Same way I learned greek and latin.
Stopped being funny.
Well, I'd have to have the same story.
You say that you've discovered I came here to kill you.
You throw me out of the house,
And then you ask the sheriff for protection.
Well, he'll refuse.
Of course.
And then...
We'll fight.
Ainslee, you have a beautiful daughter.
It's really a shame we can't all three of us
Get on that stage to san francisco.
I've been looking for you.
Oh?
Mr. Ainslee's got a complaint you come here gunning for him.
If I did?
Well, if it's a fair fight,
You're safe as far as the law in carson goes.
We don't tolerate bushwhacking.
Hey, you're a professional, ain't you, mister?
Ainslee asked for your help this afternoon.
Mr. Ainslee's been getting a little slower every year.
He's taken to consulting us plain mortals lately.
Like he's beginning to feel mortal himself.
He asked for your help, but you won't give it to him.
You won't help him until he begs.
Ainslee's killed men without waiting for the law.
And they all ain't been bad.
Some had families, children.
You did come to kill him?
If I did, I came here with a decent regard
For the fact that ainslee's worth 12 of any man in this town.
And if I kill him, I won't be proud.
Hey! 
The dude on the stage is gonna shoot ainslee.
Ainslee'll pop the fellow before he gets off the hotel steps.
Don't be too sure.
He's professional.
I tell you what.
I got it in my bones.
I'll bet you five the dude takes ainslee.
Done.
Where'd you get this?
Well, the sheriff.
Ainslee wanted to get the fellow run off.
Looks like we been wasting good coffee on you, baker.
Don't be too sure.
Give me a shot.
You got money?
Give me a shot!
Gonna be a fight tomorrow!
There'll be whooping it up some tonight, to be sure.
I'll kill him myself.
But, why?
Just let the gunfighter do it.
I'll kill him for andy's sake.
With the gunfighter on our side,
The odds'll be evened up a little.
Even?
They're gonna be all against ainslee.
Hey, sam!
I'll double the bet that ainslee gets it tomorrow.
You that sure the gunfighter will take ainslee?
I'm just betting ainslee dies, that's all.
Another two high will make it more comfortable.
Man, this'll be something to tell your grandchildren...
That what you want your children to hear?
Coward stories about men dying?
I
- I wish you good luck anyway, mister.
Thanks.
Come get it, ainslee!
I asked the sheriff to tell you to leave.
I refused.
My employer hired me to do a job here.
You got him nervous, gunfighter!
Ain't nobody scared ainslee before!
Yes, well, let us proceed.
Neither one of you fellas can lose your cover
Without I get a shot at each of you a piece! 
Now, you just watch this.
Soon as that water runs out, ain't gonna be nothing between you and me
But a couple old boards, ainslee!
I wanna get you first, old ainslee.
And we'll wait just a little while for you, gunfighter.
We can afford to sit you a while.
You ain't even got any water.
Reach for it!
I can't, paladin.
I can't reach it.
You'll only expose your arm.
He'll have the sites of his rifle on that gun.
He'll shoot my...
It's what you wanted, ainslee.
Yeah.
Reach for it!
Daddy!
Thank god.
It's over!
You won't shoot with that hand no more, mr. 
Ainslee.
You've still got a left hand, ainslee.
I'll fight you left-handed, if you want.
Paladin...
Let him alone, please.
Get up.
Why, left-handed, he couldn't hit the floor with his hat.
You'd murder him.
That's right.
Get on that stage coach tonight.
I don't know if I could take a professional killer.
But there are a hundred other people in this town. 
You can't take 'em all.
Just cause we don't like a man,
Don't mean we let him get murdered.
I see.
I'll tell my employer that mr.
Ainslee's shooting days are over.
Think that'll satisfy him?
I think so.
¶ have gun, will travel, reads the card of a man ¶
¶ a knight without armor in a savage land ¶
¶ his fast gun-for-hire heeds the calling wind ¶
¶ a soldier of fortune is the man called... ¶
¶ paladin ¶
¶ paladin, paladin, where do you roam? 
¶

"general's son listed as deserter.
"general joshua carver, u.S. Army, retired, and his wife, geraldine,
"have just learned that their only son, cpl. 
Henry carver,
"disappeared while on routine field duty
"with the 7th cavalry in montana, two days ago.
"cpl. 
Carver's name has been posted at ft. 
Lincoln as a deserter.
"gen. 
Carver insisted there must've been foul play."
The-the clerk said that you were mr. 
Paladin?
I'm mrs. 
Carver.
Well, mrs. 
Carver, how do you do?
How do you do?
Won't you sit down?
Thank you.
I was very sorry to read about your son meeting with foul play.
My son, henry, is a deserter.
Oh?
He didn't want to go into the army.
He wanted to become a doctor, go east and study.
But the general insisted.
My son is not a coward.
He deserted for a different reason. 
I know where he is.
I have a letter here from henry.
But the general does not know about this.
That's why I'm here.
Some of it is personal, but I'll read you the only part that matters.
"it's only a routine patrol against the indians,
"so I feel justified in doing what I'm going to do.
"you remember becky gray?
"her father is forcing her to marry sam dolan.
"he's twice her age and he's no good.
"becky begged me to do something about it,
"and I'm going to."
A time-honored dilemma.
As old as romeo and juliet.
Romeo wasn't a corporal in the cavalry, mr. 
Paladin.
Mm, I see your point.
"by the time you get this, we'll be safe and hiding at the bismarck water hole.
"don't tell anyone.
"send someone with some money so we can get to canada.
"I'm depending on you."
Well, I've marked it here, on the map for you.
I want you to take him alive,
And return him to the seventh cavalry.
Are you sure?
Mr. Paladin, this is my son.
I want him alive!
But even more, I want him to grow up to me a man,
Not ashamed, with this on his conscience.
If one of our patrols catches him, he'll be shot as a deserter.
It is a time of indian war.
But if you can find him,
Return him to his unit in the field,
It'll be a voluntary surrender,
And the punishment will be less.
Mrs. Carver, I can try.
Thank you.
You want to be paid now?
No, I think that any man going into indian country
Should never be paid in advance.
Oh.
Hold it, mister.
What do you want?
You, cpl. 
Carver.
Who are you?
Your mother sent me.
With the money?
No, I didn't bring any money.
Your mother wants me to return you to your outfit.
Turn around.
Get on your horse, ride out.
I'll cover you every second.
Any message for your mother?
Yeah.
Tell her me and becky'll get to canada on our own. 
Now, get moving.
Now, go on! 
Ah!
Carver, my job is to get you back to your outfit
Before you're captured and shot, do you understand?
That's an army patrol out there.
You can fill up your canteens and water your mounts here.
Do like they're doing.
I know I heard some shooting.
Me, too. 
Whoever did it must own that horse there.
I was, sergeant.
Just having a little target practice.
Who the devil are you?
Can't be! 
Paladin!
Barsky, how are you?
All the saints in heaven, what a sight.
How long's it been?
Ten years? 
Twelve years?
It was two years after the war. 
You came through san francisco, remember?
Remember it?
I still got the hangover.
I see you still got the moustache, too.
I was with you the week you started growing that, remember?
That's right, you were.
Oh, sam dolan, meet my old pal, paladin.
Dolan.
Howdy.
Dolan just joined up with us a couple hours back. 
Him and his men.
Seemed like the safest thing to do.
You picked the best company.
Ah, see you're still wearing that lucky piece.
Ah! 
I wouldn't be without it.
I've worn that ever since you dug it out of my leg,
And I ain't been hit since.
Good.
Say, what in the blazes are you doing way out here?
Little business.
I was just heading home.
See any indians?
No, just a few smoke signals.
Oh, we got 'em around here all right,
But I guess the 2nd and the 7th've driven most of them further north.
Nevertheless, I'm not taking any chances.
I going up there and have a look around.
Good idea.
Mind if I join you?
No, come on.
My golly, paladin, you're sure looking fine.
Happy and healthy, and relaxed.
Evidently, you aren't married, are ya?
No, I move around too much.
You ought to see my platoon back at ft. 
Lincoln.
Got a wife and four kids and a whole mess of in-laws.
Four?
!
Wanna know something, paladin?
This is my last tour of duty.
After this field trip, I'm going out on pension.
Getting myself a nice, cool saloon,
And drink up all the profits.
Where are you and your men headed now?
We gotta rejoin the company up on the river.
Far?
Half day.
How about you, mr. 
Dolan?
It's pretty dangerous country to be traveling it alone.
On a personal matter. 
You might be able to help, though.
I'm looking for a boy and a girl.
We traced them to here, I figure they're going to canada.
Sorry, I haven't noticed them.
I was just telling the sergeant, the kid's from his outfit.
Yeah, we was told to watch for a deserter.
Deserter?
Name's carver.
Corporal. 
Understand his old man's some kind of big wig.
I got a bone to pick with him.
If I see him, I'll give him your regards.
Well, I got to make time.
Mind if I tag along with you a little further?
No, suit yourself.
Best of luck to you, boy.
I wish you'd go along with us.
I'd enjoy your company.
It'd be safer that way.
Oh, I'll be all right.
Barsky, good luck to you.
well, I tried.
Small world, ain't it?
I'll send you an invitation when I open up that saloon.
I'll be there.
Be looking for you.
Mount up.
All right, carver, come...
Now, you sit there.
What are you gonna do with us?
I'm gonna save you, if I can.
Where are the horses?
In the other canyon.
You might as well have turned me over to dolan and the patrol
For what you're planning.
Not the same.
Either way, he'll be punished.
No, there's a difference.
And the difference might be life and death.
Sure, barsky's an old, personal friend of mine.
But he's still army.
If he'd gotten hold of your friend here,
The death penalty would've been mandatory.
If your friend surrenders, gives himself up in the field...
I'm not giving myself up!
I hope you'll change your mind.
Mr. Paladin,
You're asking us to give up our lives
To satisfy people who are not concerned with our welfare at all.
At the risk of sounding somewhat stuffy,
Your friend here is in a service,
He does have a kind of a duty.
I didn't ask for the cavalry.
I was forced into it by my father.
If we'd have gotten to canada, we could've lived our lives.
Lived 'em by ourselves.
By yourselves, maybe.
If you think you could've lived with yourselves.
There's something you should know.
We're married, mr. 
Paladin.
Ah, there's been a gathering here not far back.
Indians?
Your alma mater, corporal.
One of your patrols, and larger than barsky's.
They're catching up.
You hear that?
Hear what?
That sound.
What is it?
I don't know.
A kind of trembling.
Rumbling.
Like the sound of distant thunder.
Looks like a clay-back horse.
Cavalry saddle.
Wonder where the rider is.
Maybe he's out foraging?
Maybe.
Well, he's got seven holes in him.
Wonder what happened to him.
Well, that does it.
Three slugs, all he had in him.
Other wounds seem to be superficial.
It's the best I can do 'til we get a veterinarian.
Captain m. 
Kehoe.
Part of your outfit?
Lieutenant colonel.
And the animal's name is comanche.
The colonel bought him at ft.
Dodge, kansas. 
Took him everywhere.
There was a big fight with the comanche indians,
And the horse got hit several times.
He pulled the colonel out, so he named him comanche.
Colonel must've had this horse a long time.
I think I heard him say once he was about nine years old.
Man can get to be awfully fond of a horse that old.
] how was he shot so many times?
He was ambushed.
Why do you say that?
Hit on both sides.
Now, these slugs are from those old smooth bore rifles,
The type only indians use now.
Maybe the horse wandered off and got chased by a sioux war party?
That might be.
Colonel probably went out scouting and got trapped.
That might be.
Well, what do you think?
I'll know better what to think when and if we find col. 
Kehoe.
Hold it, paladin!
Take your hand off that gun!
Get his gun, gleed.
Well, it looks like I got my bride back.
And our young friend, the deserter.
You can't do anything now, mr. 
Dolan.
We're married.
Are you, now?
All the more reason to make you a widow.
Thank you, mr. 
Paladin, for delivering them up.
We've been watching you a long ways back.
What happened to the cavalry?
We left 'em this morning.
There was a big noise over those hills.
They went on but I didn't like it, so we came back.
Lucky thing, too. 
We had plenty of time to get ready for you.
Lopez, get our horses, bring me my rope.
Gleed, take him over to that big tree.
Come on, move.
Get 'em off the horses.
Except him.
Mr. Dolan, this is senseless!
Put it around his neck.
Go on, take him home. 
Maybe they'll want to bury him there.
I hated to do it.
He saved us.
For what?
Will he be alright?
Yeah, yeah, he'll be alright.
Come on.
A rumbling in the ground.
Like the sound of distant thunder.
Or the sound of a thousand horses hooves
Ridden by a thousand indians.
Seventh cavalry.
Not a living soul.
Men, horses...
All dead.
Massacred.
Every last one of them.
Nearly 200 men.
I should be down there with them.
That's where I belong.
Hello, I'm lt. 
Bradley, chief of scouts for col. 
Given and...
That's gen. 
Custer's command down there.
Seventh cavalry.
All of it.
Ambushed.
Massacred by the sioux.
This is the only survivor.
He's comanche, col. 
Kehoe's horse.
He has seven wounds, but I think he can travel.
Thank you.
There's another survivor.
Cpl. Henry carver.
I deserted earlier, sir, I wish to turn myself in.
It doesn't mean anything anymore.
It means more now than it ever did.
We couldn't live with ourselves because I couldn't live with myself that way.
The two of us, we tried to start something.
But we couldn't, 'til this is finished.
Maybe someday we'll be able to go on ahead.
But, but not 'til this is done.
Do you understand, becky?
I think so.
You'll come with us, corporal.
"and when they fell before the thunder,
"it was as when the lordly redwood,
"green with boughs,
"goes down with a great shout upon the hills,
"and leaves a lonesome place against the sky."
Come on, becky.
I'll take you home.
¶ have gun, will travel, reads the card of a man ¶
¶ a knight without armor in a savage land ¶
¶ his fast gun-for-hire heeds the calling wind ¶
¶ a soldier of fortune is the man called... ¶
¶ paladin ¶
¶ paladin, paladin, where do you roam? 
¶

Hey, don't let the heat out, boy!
I didn't expect to find you here. 
What happened?
Her dad caught us in the parlor.
You need lessons, son.
Sally's a nice girl, though.
Nice and common.
Common as dirt, like me.
My dear wife spent the evening writing home.
Morning, Miss Drury.
That stupid boy's got them all soaked, Mr. Lewis.
That's mine, I think, Mr. Lewis.
A little read before church.
I'll pluck your ears off.
Jimmy, I'm trying to better myself.
Now let em get on with it, you horrible man.
Jimmy, gimme that paper!
Give it to him, for Heaven's sake.
Jimmy, I can't think.
She can't think.
You've never thought in years, have you?
At why don't you leave all th and sit down for a bit?
You look tired.
Oh, I won't be much longer.
Yeah. 
She's a beautiful girl, isn't she?
That's what they all tell me.
Wrap it up, will you?
Stop ringing those bells!
There's somebody going mad in here!
I don't want to hear them!
miss Drury will be up in a minute.
I don't give a damn for miss Drury!
In any case, she's probably in church by now swinging on those bloody bells.
Why sneer at people who go to church?
Listen, that nice old gentlewoman doesn't fool me, even if she takes in you.
She's a foul-minded robber.
She bleeds us white for this place as it is.
What about mummy?
How does mummy spend her day of rest?
We usually go...
"Thank you, dear vicar, for the nice, cozy sermon."
And then she tramples off over better men's graves, home to an orgy of curry.
Mummy and daddy, and brother Nigel if he's up from town.
You know her brother Nigel?
No, I don't.
Well, you've never heard so many well-bred commonplaces come from beneath the same bowler hat.
The platitude from outer space... that's brother Nigel.
Why don't you dry up, boy?
Wouldn't you say that was her private property?
I like to know when I'm being betrayed.
Letters from her mother, letters in which I'm not mentioned, because my name is just a dirty word.
And what does she do?
She writes long letters back to mummy and doesn't mention me at all, because my name is just a dirty word to her, too.
The little woman's family.
God help m e, I'll go out of my mind if he doesn't stop in a minute.
Why don't you?
That would be something, anyway.
Don't let the Marquess of queensberry manner fool you.
They'll kick you in the groin while you're handing your hat to the maid.
Jimmy, please don't go on.
they're either militant, like her mummy and daddy, militant, arrogant, and full of malice, or else they're vague, like Nigel... and her.
Nigel and Alison.
They're what they sound like:
sycophantic, phlegmatic, and pusillanimous.
Big words.
Would you like to hear what they mean?
No, not interested.
Soapy, stodgy, and dim.
Sounds like a musical act.
Ladies and gentlemen, those old favorites, your friends and mine, soapy, stodgy, and dim.
bringing quips and strips for you,
Ladies and gentlemen, as I was coming to the theater tonight, a man comes up to me and he says...
Have you seen nobody?
Have I seen who?
ave you seen nobody?
Of course I haven't seen nobody.
Kindly, don't waste my time.
Ladies and gentlemen, a little recitation entitled
"She was only a gravedigger's daughter but she loved lying under the sod."
Are you quite sure you haven't seen nobody?
Of course I haven't seen nobody.
Will you kindly go away?
Can't you see I'm trying to entertain this lady here?
The lady pusillanimous.
I can't find nobody anywhere. 
See...
Well, then, shall we dance?
Come here often, do you?
Only in the mating season.
All right. 
Very funny. 
Very funny.
not until you apologize for being nasty to everyone.
Do you think bosoms will be in or out this year, my dear?
Your teeth will be out in a minute.
We'll see about that.
Look out, for Heaven's sake!
This place gets more like a zoo every day.
Proper coward, he is. 
See?
Are you all right?
Well, does it look like it?
She's burned her arm.
You think I did it on purpose?
Clear out of my sight!
Here, come and sit down, eh?
Now, let's have a look.
That's gonna be painful.
What shall I do with it?
It's nothing much.
A bit of soap on it will do.
There's some in the kitchen.
Now, give us your arm.
I'm gonna do it ever so gently.
That better?
You're a brave girl.
I don't feel very brave.
I really don't care for...
I don't think I can take much more.
I think I feel rather sick.
All over now.
I don't think I could live on my own again, in spite of everything.
Pretty rough and pretty ordinary, really.
I'd seem worse on my own.
And you get fond of people, too.
Worse luck.
I don't think I want anything more to do with love.
Not anymore, I can't take it on
You're too young to start giving up.
Too young and too lovely.
I keep looking back as far as I remember, and I can't think what it was like to feel young... really young.
Jimmy said the same thing to me the other day, and I pretended not to be listening, because I thought it would hurt him, I suppose... but I knew just what he meant.
Oh, I suppose it would have been so easy to say,
"Yes, darling, I know what you mean,
I know how you're feeling."
it's those easy things that seem to be so impossible with us.
I'm wondering how much longer I can go on... watching you two tearing the insides out of each other.
You wouldn't seriously think of leaving us?
What is it, lovely?
I'm frightened.
How's things?
Lousy.
I got the lot here, boyo.
Humbugs, mint lumps, jelly babies.
14 pounds of jelly babies.
What do you want to get all those for?
Kids have got a craze on.
They'd better have.
What's this?
You know the regulations.
All foodstuffs 18 inches off the ground.
He was just unloading.
These sweets is human food.
I could have your license for that.
Porter... easy, isn't it?
I should be more careful in future, if I was you... not so cocky.
Comrade Hurst...
Commissar of the Kinley Urban District Council.
I'd like to kick him in the teeth.
Mister, six pen's worth of jelly babies, please.
You see, Cliff, you gotta study the market.
I hope she didn't make a mess of your nice coat.
No, it's all right.
How old is she?
Only 15 months.
But she's that big...
Are you going in, Miss?
She doesn't take to 'er?
Funny how they know about people.
just relax a minute.
I'll put something on that burn.
- How did you do it?
- On the iron. 
I was careless.
Does your husband know about the baby?
In the next few months, you're going to depend a great deal on his help and consideration.
- What's his profession?
- He has a sweet stall in the market.
I thought you told me once he was a university graduate.
Is it too late to do anything?
I didn't hear that question.
I hope you won't ask it again - of anyone.
Or try to do anything foolish.
I'm getting hungry.
You're a bloody pig.
I'm not a pig. 
I just like food, that's all.
Like it? 
You're like a sexual maniac, only, with you, it's food.
You'll end up in the news of the world, you wait.
"James Porter, age 25, was bound over last week after pleading guilty to interfering with a small cabbage and tins of beans.
The accused said he hadn't been feeling well for some time and had been having blackouts."
Hey, there's ma Tanner.
It's good to see you.
You look wonderful, ma.
Hello, son.
How are you?
Keepin' well?
You have got it nice.
- You approve?
- Yes.
Does you justice?
You bet.
- How long do you got, ma?
- Well, I'm only up for the day.
I came up to see me old man's grave.
Well, let's go and have a drink.
Oh, can you leave?
Yeah, and a bite to eat.
He's hungry.
He's runnin' off with me.
You want to watch him.
Who's the old girl, there?
She was his landlady, set him up in this stall.
Oh, I do love a port and lemon... proper charlady's tipple, isn't it?
Well, how's everything going, jim?
The stall is doing fine.
I know that, son.
You'll have paid me off soon, and I shall be able to retire to the south of france.
I owe you a lot, ma.
You don't owe me nothing, son.
Sometimes I've wondered whether I did the right thing.
Oh, look who's here.
We was just talking about you.
Jimmy, I wanted to talk to you.
Let me get you a little something.
Your hubby's been doing the honors up to now
Come on, dear. 
It'll buck you up.
I don't want a drink, really.
That's whatshe's used to.
you're rig ht on for m, aren't you?
Look down your nose at her again and I'll- l just couldn't bear to be touched you made that perfectly plain.
Did I?
She's only here for a few hours.
Why don't you go ahead and really spoil them for her?
- What about you, ma? 
Not taking anything?
- No, better not. 
This will do me.
I was just going to have a look at me husband's grave, make sure it's been kept nice.
You know, if you don't keep your eye on things, people pinch the flower vases, and the grass grows all over the place.
I wouldn't like him to think I neglected him.
That's quite a walk to the cemetery up that steep hill.
Yes, especially with my feet, dear.
Blimey, look at the time.
I'd better be goin' along.
Good thing you reminded me.
There's no need to go yet, ma.
There's plenty of time.
But I've got to buy me flowers yet, and I promised my sister I wouldn't be late back.
You sit still, dear, and finish your drink.
Well, I've - she's signing the pledge, ma.
I wish I'd done that years ago.
This way, ma.
now, who's got nice flowers?
I'll get 'em for you, ma.
No, I got to buy 'em.
I'll see you in a minute, ma.
I went to the doctor this morning.
So I see.
did you tell him what happened?
But I didn't go.
did you te ll him I did it deliberately
"I'm terrified of him, doctor.
Can't you think of a nice, quiet asylum where we can safely lock him up?"
But it needs doctors to certify a person.
Better get another before that heals up.
what is it, lovely?
Nothing.
I said "what is it?"
you see,
I'm pregnant.
Two choc ices, please.
We don't sell them. 
Try down there.
Have you told Jimmy yet?
I tried to just now.
Hey, lovely, you've g ot to tell him.
Oh, you've done wonders with it, son.
Now, what's the time?
You've got plenty of time yet.
Oh, we had lots of fun, him and me, bein' alive, you know, just being alive.
That's enough for an old girl like me, chewing' the cud and havin' a nip of what you fancy.
Wouldn't do if we was all like that, would it, mate, eh?
Would it, mate?
What do you really want, Jimmy?
There, now, it's going to rain.
Look at me keeping you out here in all this.
Upsy-daisy.
He was quite happy in his own little way, you know.
He was doing what he wanted mind you, I don't reckon he'd ever been a Henry Irving, but you know what I mean.
Helena?
Yes, that will be perfectly all right.
Yes, come along in about half an hour.
Thank you, Miss Drury.
If Mr. Lewis doesn't mind giving up his room.
Oh, no. 
It's all right by me.
But no one seems to care about
Poor Arnold's supper. 
Do they, darling?
come along.
That was good of you, Cliff.
Forget it, darling.
Always wanted to sleep on the landing.
Who is this Helena?
She's going to be working at the theatre for the next couple of weeks.
Actress, is she?
Yes. 
So, when she telephoned...
I needed someone to talk to do you understand, Cliff?
All right, darling.
Hey, lovely, does Jimmy know this Helena?
Yes. 
He hates her.
I took up a lot of your time.
Oh, can you manage?
fine.
I better shift the ladies, I suppose.
I mean, if she's a bit proper.
How's it feeling now?
It wasn't anything.
There's no need.
I mean it.
I did do it on purpose.
There's hardly a moment when I'm not watching and wanting you.
Nearly years of being in the same room with you, and I still can't stop my sweat breaking out when I see you doing something as ordinary as leaning over an ironing board.
Trouble is you get used to people.
Even their trivialities become indispensable to you.
Indispensable.
And a little mysterious.
I think I must have a lot of old stock.
And nobody wants it.
What shall we do tonight?
What would you like to do?
Drink?
No, I know what I'd like to do now.
Well, you'll have to wait till the proper time.
There's no such thing you're very beautiful.
Beautiful great-eyed squirrel hoarding, nut-munching squirrel, with highly-polished, gleaming fur
And an ostrich feather of a tail.
How I envy you.
Bears and squirrels are marvelous.
Marvelous and cute.
What the hell's that?
That's a dance squirrels do when they're happy.
What makes you think that you are happy?
you know, there was something I was meaning to tell you.
Alison.
Your friend...
she's arrived.
Downstairs.
What friend?
Helena charles. 
I... 
I meant to explain.
She telephoned.
She's going to play at the theatre next week.
I see.
She said, "Can I come over?"
and you said, "My husband, Jimmy, if you'll pardon my using such a dirty word, will be delighted to see you.
He'll kick your teeth in!"
- I asked her to stay.
- You did what?
Well, she couldn't find anywhere else to stay.
That I don't believe.
So I said she could come here until she fixes somewhere else.
Did you tell her to wear her armor?
She's going to need it.
Why don't you shut up, please?
My dear wife, you have so much to learn.
If only something... something would happen to waken you
From your beauty sleep if you could have a child and it would die.
Let it grow.
Let a recognizable human face emerge from this little mass of India rubber and wrinkles.
Oh, please, if only I could see you face that.
You know, I've never had the great pleasure of lovemaking.
When I didn't desire it myself.
It's not that she doesn't have her own kind of passion, she does.
She just devours me whole every time, as if I was so me over-large rabbit.
and then lies back, like a puffed-out python to sleep it off.
That's me - that bulge around the navel there.
It's me, if you're wondering what it is.
You'd think this indigestible mass would stir up some kind of tremor, from those distended, overfed tripes but not her!
She'll go on sleeping and devouring until there's nothing left of me!
Good evening.
Evening, Miss Charles.
Did you manage all right?
I'm quite enjoying it.
I don't think I shall ever get used to having go down to the bathroom every time I want water for something.
It is primitive, isn't it?
Oh, God, I wish he'd lose that damned trumpet.
Well, I imagine it's for my benefit.
Miss Drury will ask us to go soon.
What's the Ox-Li Party Conflict?
Find again? 
You even don't know this!
What have you studied? 
Shit!
Which big case are you in?
No idea
A for apple, that's it
Next question, listen carefully
The answer is D, D for dog
D for, D for dog
B
Uncle Tat, what are you doing here?
Well... collecting rubbish
The female toilet is blocked can you do with that?
Come with me
What, the test is over
Sir, which case?
Sam Long
Dead already?
The case is re-judged
Stupid me, I should have guessed that
No
No again
You two are riding?
Falling
So you two are cheating
No, only me who's cheating. 
Arrest me
Come out with me
A moment please
He cheated in the Chinese History test by copying the Chinese Literature book
You're dumb
That's not exactly cheating
I only want to let him have the proper punishment
What do you say?
Deduct 3 marks from his conduct as usual Stop it
Please don't. 
A deduction of 12 marks will be out of this school
Miss Leung, what about you?
Kill him
What did you say?
That isn't what you want?
Just cheating
It's one of our experience of growing up
Who hasn't cheated before?
But you even didn't use your brains to cheat
Stand properly. 
Don't move!
You don't use your brains you deserve it
I suggest arranging for another test
If he still doesn't learn from it test him again and again until he passes
That's punishing me I can't afford the time
Save your time from going to the race-course You
I agree
You can talk to his parents and try to understand his family background
Fine, I've decided
He's punished by staying after school for a week, clean the playground for two
Deduct 5 marks from his conduct re-test next week
Also, I want to meet your parents
Parents? 
I don't have any
I've got no relatives, no friends
Who's your guardian?
I'm my own guardian
If there's anybody you want to see It's me
His file
Who's his guardian in there?
Uncle Tat?
Uncle Tat!
Stop it, God... big news
Uncle Tat, is Star Chow really your son?
You're a senior to me, you say
Star Chow, say!
Don't laugh, say!
Yes
Yes... 
I'm sorry...
I bet, they look exactly the same
What? 
The same?
His dad? 
Nonsense
Hey, no... here your surname's Tso his is Chow, why?
How do I know? 
Why?
This is an order
When he's born, I named him Star Tso but then he named himself Star Chow I don't know why
Is this correct?
It's right
Sir, excuse us
Hold on, Uncle Tat we want you to come up here to tell your son cheated in a test
Cheated? 
That's disgraceful, no good...
You can't cheat Sir, cheating... no good...
Excuse us
Hey, don't you see parents and teachers should cooperate to teach him
Right?
Teach him, for how long?
Your son's been here for only 3 days and he cheated
Give me one or two slaps No...
You should teach him effectively
Don't be too serious
Of course, not to be too serious
Alright, I know what to do
You cheated?
I'll beat the hell out of you
Don't let him beat you
I'll beat you...
Dead already? 
Dead already
You're lying No
Again
You son-of...
Sir Chow, please
I have to use all my strength to beat a strong man like you
Well...
I'm old and lacking of strength
After I beat you, my bones crack
Really? 
Yes
I'm sorry
Never mind, I'm in this business
Go and see the doctor, I'll pay for it
Thank you, thank you
Uncle Tat!
Miss Ho
Don't be so angry
Star Chow do you know how great your father is?
Don't mention it, all parents are great
He can't go on like this let me be his tutor
I've got no money to pay you
We can't owe you this favour, Miss
Uncle Tat! 
Dad
I won't take any money
No...
I'll lead him onto the right track
No...
No... not good
So let's start from tomorrow Don't worry
Thank you, thank you
Thanks a lot
Save it, a golden opportunity for you
You said no to her, how dare you!
Be smart, don't reveal your identity
Hey
Somebody's looking for you
Who?
Go up and you'll know
OK. 
Coming
I must show him how smart I'm
He's coming
Who helps him just stand on his side
You want protection fee I pay it for him
You Turtle must have no idea of death!
Let me take your mouth as an ashtray
Take him here
Anything else
Nothing
So don't call me up here unless necessary
OK
Hopeless
Star, you're smarter than Bruce Lee
Star do want to have your shoes cleaned?
Smart Star, have you got enough money?
I can give you
What's more, if you're not neat and tidy I must beat you
Your hand. 
Show me your hand
I'm too old to be hit on the palm
Show me
Don't, no need, Miss
That one
I'll show you somewhere else to beat
If you are cruel enough use all your strength to beat me
Like a garbage can
It's shameful if Miss Ho sees this
Hey, what's this? 
A toaster?
Throw the bread away
The blue magazines in your room you have to...
Tidy up your room, stop eating
What? 
Let's play something
OK, tidy this place
To be Parkinsonism
Is Parkinson your dad?
Always so fond of this
I don't care how old you're I tell you
The son shouldn't have a larger room than his dad
Miss, I'm not sure about this
About what?
Please be seated, Star your hair's been ruffled?
Legs should be straight quicker, somersault
Yes... right...
You haven't put on your spectacles
You guys look so bored
Bored?
Let's ask Miss to take us out for a picnic
Bring your girlfriends along
With girls, we're fine
Great, Miss
Come on, help and light it
It can't be lit
Great...
You're too young to smoke Throw it away!
I'll report to the police You're ruining your future
Don't you smoke?
No, too expensive for me
Don't believe me? 
Smell my mouth
Are you silly?
Look, my teeth are clean
Well aren't you too young to have wisdom teeth
How old are you?
I'm... 18 years old
18?
Going on 19
But you look mature
Indeed, I'm ripe and ready to eat
All classmates have girlfriends where's yours?
I don't have any
I'm against dating during study
It's a waste of time
You're cunning Right
Really? 
Really
I've seen your boyfriend He waits outside the school
How do you know he's my boyfriend?
I can tell
He's quite good to you
You're nosy
but I think he's not my type
Right you can't be reluctant to love somebody!
He's a cop. 
I hate cops
Me too, I don't like them much
What?
Annie, do me a favour
What?
Can I see your breast?
What?
One side will do
Breast!
You lose nothing!
What a lousy Turtle!
You're dirty-mouthed
Still here?
Turtle Wong does look like a turtle
Especially his head With a shell, he looks exactly like a turtle
Turtle's result has dropped I must give him some tutorials
But you're already my tutor You still have time?
You've progressed
So let me be his tutor
I'm progressing There should be no problem
Can you manage?
Yes, as long as you're my tutor
I can then manage to be his tutor You see?
You see...
See?
This is my home, how's it?
Grandma, pour some tea
Brother Star, make yourself at home
Brother Star which TV game you want to play?
PC or Nintendo?
Not now...
You're a nuisance. 
Pour some tea
Have some tea
Thanks, thanks
You guys are classmates?
Yes
Study together?
Yes
Classmates?
Yes...
You guys are classmates?
Yes, how do you know?
Stop it, you get back there
Stupid
Your Maria?
My Grandma
Grandma? 
Where're your parents?
They seldom come here
Brother Star, some great things for you
Wow... you've got a lot of great things
I'm coming here to be your tutor
Don't be silly
Grandma, try this
It's free. 
What's the harm of trying?
OK
Is it fun?
Try back hand, it's more interesting
Back hand and rush down at 90 degree
Hold, let the head go up first Ready... go
Very good! 
Good shot
Try with both hands. 
It's stronger
Hit his head. 
There, right...
Wow... crueler than me
What about the Open Day?
You're responsible for the games
The theme of the games is about fairy tales
Snow White and the seven dwarfs What do you think...
Snow White and the seven dwarfs are sleeping in the same bed
Seven guys, they've...
Enough. 
You're going too far
Miss, these may not be something we like
Why don't you ask our opinion?
Yes...
Ask Eleven Eleven, what do you like to play?
Video games
The same for me
Right
Should we find something... more interesting and exciting?
What about popguns?
Great...
Popgun is too violent
It's quite violent but violence is better than porn
Have your supper...
Thanks
Stupid boy, why don't you give a hand?
What are you doing?
Enough. 
How can you behave like that?
Miss, have some soup
Have a piece of pork chop
Thanks. 
Uncle Tat
Dad, you try some
No need... 
What about you?
You got high score this time
Thank you Miss for giving me tutorials
But Turtle has higher score than you do
Really?
Look
Thanks to me who gives him tutorials
I instruct him to study everyday
Isn't it great if every student behaves like you?
Well, it's even greater if every Miss looks like you
There you go again
Scissors
Stone
Paper
I even couldn't hold her hand. 
Damn it
Where's my kid gone?
Grandma I'm not coming home for dinner. 
See you
Mobile phone, cool
Brother Turtle, for this month
Today is the beginning of the month?
Yes, look after me
You should thank Brother Star
Be smart. 
Brother Star hates dumb guys
A waste of time
Brother Star loves this book I treat this for next month
Brother Turtle, this is to thank you
Smart boy!
Something great to show you
Calling you, buddy
Why are you so thievish? 
Stay there
I can too
Brother Star you're silly to find means doing so
You son-of-a-bitch
Go away
Open your mouth
Let me off, Brother Star
You keep running despite my shouting at you?
I didn't mean it
What's your name?
Turtle Wong
Where do you live?
Kowloon Tong
The whole of Kowloon Tong?
Next to Ideal Hotel
Turn around
Hands on the head
Stop playing tricks
What's this?
Your phone
I know
So why did you ask?
Mind your manner to cop
What are these?
HK dollars
I know
So why did you ask?
Am I not qualified to ask you?
Am I not qualified?
You're qualified...
Tell me what are these?
HK dollars
I know
So why did you ask?
Son of a bitch, tell me or I'll kick your brains out with my Scissors Legs
Don't do that, Brother Star the money is yours
What's that to do with me?
Protection fee
What protection fee?
I collect $30 from each classmate
We're the richest and most powerful gang
Most powerful gang?
Right, the Star Gang
Big brother
Listen, I'm not your big brother
Take your money back. 
Go at once
He's calling me, not you
Call him Grandpa
Grandpa
Good boy
Let's not turn our place into anarchy or we both will be in trouble
I'm looking after you Anybody gives troubles to you... means giving trouble to me. 
Right?
Right
Want to get up a branch in my sphere?
We aren't Seven-eleven
Such an idiot! 
Know nothing
He's silly and knows nothing
Let me see how powerful he is
Sir Chow, Teddy Big arrives
Seems to come here for you. 
Watch out
Don't worry, it'll be fine
Grandpa, come over here
Don't call me Grandpa again, you guys
Brother Star Teddy Big is coming to see you
Who wants to see me?
He said he wanted to see the head That's you
That's you. 
You're the head recently
So what?
Hey, kid, stop
Are you the big brother?
How are you, brother?
So you're the head of the Star Gang how cheeky
What did you say?
You didn't even inform me when you set up a gang in my sphere
What's your rank?
I'm second in my family I've got an elder sister but she married a long time ago
She's trying to emigrate
How dare you talk to my big brother like that?
Cops're coming
Kid, you're lucky
Watch your steps you'll be less fortunate next time
What are you doing?
Are you still the tutor of Star Chow?
Yes though his performance is not that great but he's progressing a lot
Do you know there's a new triad gang in your school?
Triads again? 
I've told you before
I won't tell you my students' particulars
I'm not asking for that I want to tell you
The new triad gang in your school is called the Star Gang
The leader is your student, Star Chow
That's ridiculous. 
Listen!
He's my student not a triad leader
But he's a bad element in the school
I say again:
no bad elements in my school
We're responsible for leading students on to the right track
Fine, forget it
I don't want him to ruin our love
Can you stop being his tutor?
I'm your boyfriend, I worry about you
I teach students to trust those around him and you ask me not to trust my students?
Hi
Let's have our tutorial in the bedroom because Dad's playing Mah-jong and I don't want to disturb him
Are you alright, Miss?
Study in the bedroom
Alright
Having an affair?
What?
Have a walk outside
Walk to where?
To Guangzhou if you like
One for you, one for me
You're wrong
I'm right, yours is super thin
Really? 
Really
I'm not the type you think and I'm not...
Hold it, she's a good girl
Don't ruin her, 15 minute will be enough
Go, stop bullshitting
Nuts
Damn! 
This is my home and you asked me to go out
Are you father of Star Chow
Yes He said yes
Hey, what are you doing?
It's only a gum. 
Chewing gum
Start your lesson
You think I'm an idiot?
I'm disappointed in you
Help... help
Uncle Tat. 
What's up?
How are you?
Fine Uncle Tat
Stand aside
Stop it, give me a chance
Who asked you to come?
Teddy Big, please give me another chance
Give you another chance to do what
To go away
Where you wanna go?
I don't know
Go home and have a sleep Your mom misses you
You're no wonder the no. 1 killer in the SDU
That's only basic skill Cops can't be as stupid as you
You're right
Dad, are you alright?
I'm fine, I'll rub some oil...
Let me rub... 
Good boy
Stop pretending
You're not a student and you're not his father
We're indeed father and son
Though I look younger than him he's my true son
Actually, I can't tell you this but I don't want to lie to you
I'm a cop
Sir Chow, everything's settled Do tell all
I'm a cop and I'm in the school to look into a case but I really want to help the kids
I don't care and don't wanna know what's between you but please stop fooling me, Sir Chow
What are you doing?
Don't tell the others, OK?
Don't
Will she tell the others?
She will, you go and kill her
Yes, Sir!
Save your dirty words
I should kill you first, save yourself!
OK...
Have I spent too much?
Do you believe I'll smash your head
I do
That's wonderful
Yes...
You've been in the school for 2 months and you've found nothing
What have you done?
Tell me
My way is like this
First I have to communicate with the students and teachers
Yes, culturing a relationship
No matter what find out that pistol within a month or both of you will be fired
I don't care, I was born cheap I'm not ambitious
I'll send you to work along the border
Great... thanks a lot!
Don't be so rash
You scared us by your hand which can smash
Yes, we're scared
Keep that smashing hand away We're scared enough
The students will do a good job in the Open Day
Fine, last year was boring
Alright
Can you lend me your pager?
What's for? 
Lend it to me
The pager is mine...
Lend it to me
The pager is...
I know, I'll return it to you afterwards Thanks
If not for you I wouldn't have scored 80 in Geography
If not for you the kids wouldn't have listened to me
For you told me the goal of life shouldn't be for oneself
Now I tell you my goal in life is you
Sorry for having lied to you in the past
Sorry because I'll always follow you Star Chow
Hi
Foolish! 
I'll keep the pager
Hey, the pager is mine
You block my way
Hey, the pager is mine
Why are you standing here?
You're blocking my way by standing here
But the pager is mine...
Can you excuse me
Somebody's chasing after you, run!
Turtle, go away
Many against one?
Sir, shall we start?
Know the situation first
Don't go
Damn!
Brother Star is in trouble
Help him
Let's start
The cops, run away, the cops
Brother Star, are you alright?
I'm fine, fine
Sir the fighting is in full swing over there
What?
Report to us in the police station
How are you? 
Are you alright?
I think I'm fine
Take a rest
Are you two alright?
Alright
Have you seen Star Chow?
No
No, go back and take a rest
Have you seen Star Chow?
No, Miss
Talk everything to my lawyer
Turtle
Miss, it hurts!
Have you seen Star Chow?
No, I don't know where they've taken him
Have you seen Sir Wong?
Sir Wong... he...
Hey
You're not obliged to say anything but whatever you say may be used as an evidence
I have the right to call my lawyer and to have some tea but you've got no right to hang me up
It stinks Hands off
Wanna beat my sole?
Take me for a new comer?
Good, come. 
Beat my head instead
Let's see who gets the trouble, come on
Right
I can beat you this time
Miss Ho, you can't go inside
Hey
Are you alright? 
What are you doing?
Beating your own man? 
Actually...
Why are you here?
Crazy! 
Beat your man
I've got something important to tell you
Let me finish. 
Actually he's a...
Stop it
Star, are you alright?
Ask if his hand is alright
Go back and rub some oil or your bones will crack
Are you leaving?
They beat anybody no matter what. 
Go...
It's fine now, go
You've made a mess instead of looking for the pistol
You'll never get a promotion
Maybe you don't want promotion, too
Go away, get back to square one
Give me one more chance Chance?
I've given you chances Still ask for more?
Didn't I give you any chance?
I didn't say that
We'll die together if you can't find the pistol
Real Scissors Legs!
?
No need to be that happy
Very funny
When is your birthday?
December 22, a party for me?
No, Mine is January 4
Remember my name is Tso Tat Wah
No, this time it's either you or me
There should be one who writes something on the grave for the other
Can you make it more explicit?
The arms?
I knew where Teddy Big put his arms
Why didn't you say earlier?
I'm scared, big brother
Call me Sir
Attention
Yes, Sir
Do you know the consequence of not telling the truth?
Yes, Sir
So why didn't you tell?
Afraid, Sir I'm afraid too
But we're the cops and must do our best
Sorry, Sir
You wanna be a spy forever?
Yes
What?
It's interesting I'll accompany you when you die
Stand straight and look at me
Kiss you
Son of a bitch
It's this car park
It's here Which car?
How do I know? 
So?
Look into every car
You're stupid
What?
Some noise outside Go out and have a look
Go in and have a look
Anything?
Nothing
So what's the noise?
Check around
Great
They're all long guns
This one is short. 
This's cop's pistol This one...
What are you doing?
Bring them all to the police station
The car will carry them. 
Put them down
Finished? 
Finished
I haven't got into the car
I'm here... hey...
I haven't got into the car
Excuse me, what problem?
Everything under control Don't worry, OK?
Time to pee...
I'll show you something great afterwards
You call me this early please show me something great
Of course something great
Something great?
Keep it
I've never thought it'd be back smart boy
Stop crying. 
More to come More?
Wake up, hey
Wow... where did you find it?
It's really great before my retirement
You can be the governor if you don't retire
Wait a few more seconds
Smart Star Chow, you've moved my arms?
Wanna hear your dad's voice?
Kid. 
I'm fine so far, but...
Listen, if you wanna see your dad meet me at the back of the school in half an hour
Remember, no tricks
Hey, the foreigner's getting impatient for waiting half day
I'm calling him. 
Be more patient
Ask him to shut up
He'll see the guns in half an hour
Why are you so nervous?
The guns are with me Call the SDU if necessary
They can manage
Then Uncle Tat will be more dangerous
Remember he's a cop and a spy
He knows. 
He's old to suffer
Hey, I know what you wanna do wanna show off again?
Don't. 
I'd rather kill you myself than letting others kill you
Hey. 
This is a kind pistol
Don't. 
It hasn't been used for more than 30 years
Don't take it away What you doing? 
Driving away?
Drive if you have the guts
Don't come back if you have the guts
Young guys nowadays are so brave
Where are the guns?
Release my dad
Follow me...
Star, I haven't...
Go ahead
What smell?
Burn the banknotes...
It can't be fired! 
Isn't it too kind?
Go away!
Catch him!
Why coming back to school?
Wanna kill your classmates?
Today is a public holiday
Shit, nobody's there to help
Higher. 
Hey... what are you playing?
Stop...
What? 
Popgun again? 
Give us a hand
Hold it, help me
You should help too. 
Hurry
What happened to Brother Star?
He said he'd help
He still hasn't showed up
Brother Star must have been arrested by police
You're silly. 
Miss Ho's seen him
Really?
Miss Ho! 
Is brother Star alright?
Alright
I'm right. 
Stop bullshitting
You look dull. 
Are you alright?
I'm fine
So many people here
Why are you here? 
Today's holiday
Go away. 
It's dangerous
Go quickly
Uncle Tat can run that fast
Come closer Wait
Damn it
Have you seen Star Chow?
No Inside
Why looking for him?
None of your business!
Stay away
Keep an eye on the students. 
Come here!
That way
Hey... what do you want?
None of your business Don't make a sound
Babe, are you scared?
Then you won't be scared
Finished
Miss Leung, call the police Hurry
Let's go and save Brother Star
Don't. 
They've got pistols
I've got one too
Don't go...
What are you doing? 
Wanna die?
Follow me
Hey, wait Quick
Let's go
That's the entrance, genius
How do I know?
Every door looks the same
So you have to follow me. 
Stupid
Here we're
Call the boss right away
What about you?
A lot of kids are there I must go back
But the pistol can't work
I can manage
No, I must stay and help you
Seek helpers!
You're too old to help
Hey...
Have you seen him?
No
You go that way. 
The rest follows me
Turn left
Left again, left
Hands up. 
Don't move
I've asked you not to move
Go... quickly
Kin's shot. 
Take him away
Quickly. 
Damn it
Go, wanna die?
Go... that way... that way
Go... you kid
Squat! 
Squat down!
That way, go
Quicker I'll kill you with a shot
Move!
No again? 
You didn't leave me one?
You're cruel to me
Brother Star Brother Star
Star Chow. 
Listen!
the kids are in my hands
I'll give you 5 minutes
If you don't come out I'll kill them all
Brother Star, they mean it
Stop it... 
Don't make sound Stay calm. 
Do you hear me?
What are you best at doing?
We'll die this time
Fuck you. 
Shut up!
Listen. 
What are you best at doing?
Flirting
What's besides flirting?
Nothing
You're best at having fun You flirt because you want to have fun not because you want to marry
OK, let's have fun with them and try to play a game but we can't lose this game or somebody will die Have you played such an exciting game?
No
But we'll by no means lose
All we have to do is to cooperate
I'm the supervisor and you two listen to me
We are in a favourable situation
We'll win. 
Must be confident
Are you confident?
Yes... 
Good! 
Start!
Six of them Give me any weapons
Popgun
Not popgun. 
I said no popguns
This is a real gun with 5 bullets
Only 5 bullets?
Star Chow, come out quickly
Let's gamble. 
Mark the time
Good. 
Do as we planned, clear?
Star Chow, come out!
You think I'm kidding?
You hear me?
I'll kill them one by one 20 seconds left
Come out!
Come out... or I'll kill them one by one
Come out or I'll blow their brains off
Do you believe me?
So you don't believe me. 
Good
Run... quickly
Fire... fire if you have the guts
I'm afraid you don't have the guts
He's the first to die
Go ahead. 
That's none of my business
Wanna cover you? 
You'll be shot anyway
You know what will happen. 
Come
You think I'll be scared?
I can kill you with only one shot
Fire...
I will. 
Go ahead
I count 3 and let's fire together 1,2,3... 
OK, sorry It's my fault, sorry
You're no match for me
Why taking this so seriously?
Guns down
Go back...
Where's the money?
Not with me
Where's the money?
Here's the money
Put the pistol down!
Do you dare?
or I'll burn all the banknotes and we'll all have troubles
Got a lighter?
You don't have any?
No, how about you?
No
Brother Teddy can I borrow your lighter?
You asked for it!
Big Brother... watch out, go quickly
So cool!
How dare you firing back at me?
Come out at once!
Wanna kill me? 
Come out...
Don't fire!
Guns down!
Boss
Bingo!
Kid I'm not the leader of the Star Gang
I'm one of the Royal HK Police Force also known as Scissors Legs
Remember that!
Boss
You'll leave scars on my pistol if you throw it
I have no choice...
Your pistol can't work!
I've told you this is a kind pistol
You wanna use it to kill?
How dare you?
but you're also smart to shot him quite accurately and maintain the police's reputation
School of Police hasn't taught me this I learnt it in this school
The men're coming. 
I'm leaving Don't tell them I've been here
Thanks for arresting him Chief Inspector Chow
What? 
Chief Inspector?
When I say you are, you are
Shouldn't I be the Chief Superintendent?
Brother Star
Do come and have tea some time
Pass this mobile to you, do call me
I'll call back right after it rings
Take care Take care
Brother Star, how lucky you are!
Yes...
What are you waiting for!
?
Sir
What's your mission today?
Save hostages, Sir
What?
Save hostages, Sir
Kill hostage is more proper
Such a lovely girl
Was destroyed by you
Can't you differentiate enemy and friend?
Did I tell you how many hostages
No, Sir
So you thought there's only me
And you rolling in and firing at the same time are cool, right?
Didn't look behind you?
If I were the one who got up
I'd be shot by you
Then you have to handle my funeral and also my parents
Look at you, can you afford it?
Is it enough?
Yes, Sir
Good, no more scolding then
From tomorrow onwards, I'll be promoted to a better life
You'll be on your own
Yes, Sir
Give me five...
Are you happy that I leave?
Let me tell you
I'm happier than you
Sir Chow, your file hasn't come back yet
Madam will see you later
Alright then
I know you may think I'm boasting but you think about it
When I sit in that room and give out orders
How can I not be proud of myself?
I'm love torn
I'm finally promoted
I'm love torn
Love torn!
You're love torn?
Is it possible? 
You've dated before?
No
That is!
We're pen pals
Pen pals
We've corresponded for three years
Recently, she stopped writing to me
Why?
Cause I sent her a photo
You asked for it
How can you send a picture of your face?
Right, that's why I sent yours
My picture?
Yes, your picture and that she never writes me back
Well, it's not your fault
It's not a sin to have an ugly face
What's love, one may sacrifice for it
In the dark... all is ended
Your mother...
Did I ask for cold water?
Have you ever seen me drinking cold water?
No
Then why did you pour me cold water?
Behave yourself, this is police station
So what?
I like to beat her, and she likes it
So?
Do you like it?
Yes
Speak up
Yes
Louder
Yes, I like it
Then go and get me water
You're jealous I have lots of women?
Getting a statement
Let me finish it Yes, Sir
Come here Where?
Over here Come here right away
Just questioning no need to use a hammer?
!
Questioning? 
After the beating
Hold him, don't let him move
Hey
Wait
What are you doing? 
Sit still!
Ah Tat...
This isn't right
Have you questioned any suspect before?
No but you'll be in trouble if you hurt him
How would this hurt him?
!
I'll put a phone book on this chest and hammer on it
Then there'll be no evidence
Better don't make trouble at this time
Any phone book?
How come there's no phone book in the station?
It seems I haven't bring along
There is
Put on your chest
I really don't agree what you're doing
Don't worry, it'll be alright
Come, put it here
Count to three
Sir, your phone book is so small it'll kill me
Open it
Three it'll kill me too
Take your hand off, hold him
Hold him
It's not my fault, I'm forced to do so
Three
Don't play around
Hurry up
Two...
Hey, wanna die?
!
Release him I wanna fight him man to man
Don't
Release him
That's it, I don't care
Hey, you fight him or me?
Fight him
Sing
What?
Relay
Didn't you say man to man?
You're a man too
I knew it
Wrestling, man?
Relay... relay
Sing... relay
What a shame to know you
Don't talk anymore, quick, come
Hurry...
Hey, give me a cigarette
No, it costs money
Relay...
What?
Let's see
You asked for it
Why did you beat him?
Such a big man insulted a woman
I hate those men who don't respect women
You can report if you think I'm wrong
I wanna report...
I'm beaten by the policemen
Have your files been back?
No
Mr., sorry, according to the procedure these two ain't policemen
What? 
Then why did they beat me?
There's nothing wrong. 
We're reasonable
If you wanna sue these two men
I have to charge... you three gang fighting
Interested?
Why did you let these two mad dogs beat me?
I have to report them
I have to report you too
Don't think that I wouldn't recognize you
I remember you, short, fat and wrinkled
Gee, my eyes
I'm the top in this district
If you wanna report, come to me
Did anybody see I hurt his eyes?
Yes
Then I'll take one more and kick your bottom too
See if anybody believe you?
!
Let's go
Yes, Madam
Did anybody see I kick him?
Yes
What about a short, fat and wrinkled me?
No
Good!
Madam, it's a misunderstanding just now
But...
I'm responsible for it
I was happy to hit that guy
If Madam thinks I'm wrong you can nail me anytime
You two did very well in the firearm case last month
Yes, because
That's nothing, it's our duty
Nothing special
Don't be so humble what do you wanna do?
Which department is the most dangerous in the force?
Regional Crime Unit
I wanna go there
If you go there, what about me?
Then I'll go to the Transport Unit right?
What have I done wrong?
Sigh... 
Hopeless
Oh my god
Turn it off, license, ID card
Great trouble!
It's Brother Sing
Don't be afraid
You guys are getting more stupid
Brother Sing, we'll be alright, right?
You guys are lucky. 
It's me this time
Be more careful
We can go then?
Go...
Why did you degraded to be a traffic policeman?
Yes...
Turn it off, license, ID card
Don't joke around
Ignore him
I'm not joking
Get of the car put both hands on your head
Hold them tight
I'm now charging you dangerous driving attempted murder
I'm not the driver
Shut up
You have unlawful sexual intercourse with a girl under 16
I haven't
Shut up! 
Look at it yourself
Go...
Bastards, am I degraded?
It's called desertion
Slow down
Sing...
Tat
Wow, in such a good mood for BBQ
Of course
Give me a sausage
There're more for me
How's the uniform?
Good, colourful and comfortable
Really? 
Yes
Then you wear it longer
You should have made Madam happy
She's lucky that I didn't beat her up
Not like you, I don't date old woman
Hey, it's not me who date her
It's she that keeps following me
I'll get her for sure
Look at your ugly face
I wonder what she likes about you
She likes everything about me
You're the No. 1 shooter in the SPU aren't you?
Sir, the car's gone
Oh, I'm going. 
I'm following a big case
What case?
Big case
Is there anybody from the other team?
I've got a hard band transmission
We have company gentlemen
Is it the Urban Council to clear the garbage?
Check it out
Don't shoot, we're police too...
We've got an undercover up there
Everybody's safe
That's our undercover
He's investigating a terrorist case at an international school
Those terrorists have already exploded 2 schools in Britain
They came to Hong Kong this time which school is the target?
We're still investigating
Thank you Peter, your turn Lydia
We haven't received any message about the undercover from the Special Branch
Do we have to inform you everything we do?
Peter, don't get mad You both ain't wrong
Little friend, what's your name?
Transport Unit P.C. No.167 Chow Sing Sing, Sir
Any backing?
Backing? 
No
Good, then you can be the scapegoat for the case
Agree?
This is to make me a scapegoat
Yes, it's a shame
I shall beat him up
Right
You think so too?
Right...
I'll beat him up now
Hey, be gentle
Don't kill him
It's hard to say, I can't control myself
Don't use so much force
I'm a strong man
Yes, you're right
Who can afford my punch?
I think there's no one
Okay, I'll fight
Hey, watch out for my Madam
I'll beat whoever make me a scapegoat
Yes... 
Am I right?
Yes, then hurry back for coffee
Do you wanna go for a coffee?
Yes, coffee
Then go for coffee first
I tell you, I'm not afraid of anything
Whoever blame me, I'll beat him up
Auntie, have a cup of tea
Good boy
Mom, don't force him
When did I force him?
You say it, have I forced you?
You say it
Theoretically, no
Your mother wouldn't force him
I'm talking to him. 
Don't interrupt
Oh, yes
Have you thought of getting married?
Under normal logical morality, yes
What does that mean?
It means no
It's because I've got no money
No money? 
I don't believe
You've got no money for working so long?
Are you joking?
The money needed for wedding dress courtesy money, cakes feast, honeymoon new house, and other things
I couldn't afford it
I heard policemen have five hundred million income
That's a long time ago
It's not your business
Five hundred million? 
Yes, I have it but I've spend it all on those
What? 
Those worth five hundred million?
Yes, they do
It's only paper
Yes...
Right now you just cost me hundred and fifty million
Is that too expensive?
Hey, you've got money
Where?
This account, we own it
I remember, each of us contributed $10
It's worth more than $10 now
$100,000? 
You've saved that much
Hey, you've contributed too Don't you remember?
It's helpless. 
My daughter is like me
You're lucky, get ready for the wedding
Mom, don't worry. 
He'll manage it
Okay
Hey, Sing
There's some important matters you've got to help
Special Branch and Regional Crime Unit are cooperating for the first time
I'll be exposed this time
As a prostitute?
No
Then why exposed?
No
I mean I'll be visible How should I say it?
Be extraordinary
Yes... extraordinary
That's what I've just said, right?
Yes, then what?
All these English I know but not understand
You explain to me
I see, this is about...
Hum... 
What?
Is it true... 
Hum...
What? 
What's the matter?
Madam, please think twice
I believe about this case, besides me
You shouldn't find another person to do it
Tat is our best He'll finish the job with no problem
Say it yourself, are you able?
Well, let me tell you those terrorists are crazy
Don't pretend, say it
I know... 
The report is very detailed
This case is very dangerous but I'm not afraid all along
Don't overestimate yourself
Your superior told me you're not suitable for traffic
I've considered to transfer you to Tung Lung Island
That's an deserted island
Yes, there's no traffic
Wow, then you'll be very comfortable congratulations
Those junior grade people, please go out We're having a meeting
Sorry, I'm not junior
Actually I'm not part of the police force
I resign
River flows to the east
The younger generation has no cultivation nowadays
We're lucky to have you
Don't be so loud. 
People will be jealous
Sorry
Sing... 
I've found you several jobs
You listen
The electronics factory's vacancy with high salary, good benefit and transportation is provided
Not suitable?
How about this... as a watchman?
It'll fit you. 
They provide uniform
No?
Hey, this one will do. 
A movie company is looking for a leading actor
No bad habits, young strong and good-looking
Hey, everything fits you
Is it?
But, there's a little incompatibility
What?
They're looking for a dog to do a love story
Just a little difference Doesn't hurt to try
You're not thinking you're worse than a dog?
Not that bad!
Sing, you've got to have a plan
You're still young Don't destroy yourself?
No matter what, I've decided
What? 
If it's business, count me in
Doing what I do best
Right the dog leading role is suitable for you
Undercover at school
I have to go back to school as a undercover
I have to go back to school as a undercover
I need a few assistants
They have to be strong, fast and smart
That's why I find you guys
No
You're fooling us
How do you know?
We're not as what you've described
Don't think we're stupid
That's right
We're stupid, but not a fool
Won't be fooled by you so easily
No way
No way... 
No
How much money you want? 
Say it
$15,000
Each one $15,000
On a monthly basis
Hong Kong dollar, not Yen
Deal
Thank you boss...
Let's eat...
Let's go together
I don't understand why you have to do it
That's right
Because I wanna tell them I'm the No. 1 in the SPU
Last time the firearm case I was the best
I should have been the Chief Superintendent or Chief Inspector
Shouldn't be in Transport Unit P.C., No. 167
You understand?
I do
You're lying
You're stupid, how would you understand?
Sing, I'm not stupid
If the British Government, within a week that is before the coming Christmas Eve midnight doesn't release the head of the terrorists they'll make trouble in one of the school in HK
Sing, why is Hong Kong involved with the British Government?
Right
Do you have a holiday on the Queen's Birthday?
Yes
Then you're involved
That's right
But there's so many schools How do we know which one?
I've analyzed
The undercover just died is working in the Adam Smith International School and those studying in this school are the children of the ambassadors
If I were the terrorists
I'll make trouble there
But what if you're wrong?
Then I'll beat you up
Is it real?
As real as the 999 real gold
Now you guys get ready, I'll go apply
Sing, don't guess wrong
Excuse me, is Principal Kim here?
Is it Manager Kim?
It's Principal, not Manager
It's the same The first one on the left ahead
Is it Principal Kim?
Come in
I've got customer. 
Talk to you later
Hello...
What can I do for you?
I wanna apply for school
Which one?
Adam Smith International
Which grade?
Form 6, four of us
There're seats available I'll arrange it
Chow Sing Sing, how old are you?
18 years old
Really? 
You look like at least 28
Is it real?
No matter what age you are don't underestimate yourself
If you're willing to learn, we'll teach
That's good
The tuition fee is $4000 each $16,000 for four
And books fee, each is $3600
Sport uniform fee, each is $2800
The total is $41,600
Thank you boss
Hey...
What are you doing here?
Studying
Where's the office, Mr.?
Are you serious?
Say thank you
Thank you, Mr.
Mr. Bond would see you later
Wonder whether the head of discipline is bad or not?
Can't worse than Mr. Lam in the previous school
Idiot, we pay to come here, right Sing?
It's Uncle Tat
No, call me Bond, James Bond
You're James Bond, then I'm Batman
Listen I'm your head of discipline James Bond
Not Batman, or Superman
And also not Uncle Tat
Come... 
Hit me if you dare
Those guys from Special Branch are watching us outside
I don't care, I come here for study
You're the head of discipline can't hit people without reason
Not hit people
The order is to hit you only
Come, let me hit you and finish the job
I'll treat you a meal
Am I stupid?
How can I eat after you hit me?
Don't worry, I'll be gentle on you
If it hurts you, you can fight back
Then it's okay Come
No need for a meal, cash $1000
$500 $800
Deal
Wow, are they enemies
Hey, you earn $800 from me
Can you treat me for dinner?
I'll treat you a banana
Why are you such a miser?
Hey it's so dull to be just left and right
I'm so tired
I'm not tired and you've already complained?
My neck is tired from all these turning
Any other style?
Yes
Why is there a rod?
Sing, are you alright?
Yes
What about now?
Looking for a chance to beat him up
No, I mean what's the next step?
The next is to collect information on this school
I wanna know what Mike has done in this school before
I see, we'll go then
Where are you going?
That way
For what?
None of your business
What kind of manner is this?
Sing, where are we going anyway?
Anywhere can do
Fool around? 
Kid
Are you finished?
Almost, Sing, be patient
Hurry up
Sorry, man
It's Miss
I don't know if you didn't tell me
And you know now
Not really
Apologize
Apologize...
Sorry miss
Is it done?
Sing... 
Go
Sing, we haven't found our room yet
Ask someone
This one must be a girl
Hey, sister, where's the classroom?
Sweetie would you tell me where's Room 507
Downstairs Thank you
This novel isn't suitable for you
The story is romantic and terrifying but the main leads are dead at the end Such a tragedy
Too gloomy
You should read something delightful
Delightful?
Yes, such as Yi She's 'Spring Dream'
Tsukasa Hojo's 'City Hunter'
Akira Toriyama's 'Doctor IQ'
Jademan's 'Oriental Heroes'
I think they're all suitable for you
Sing, don't know that you're an expert of literature
You're great
Don't understand why did people say you're senseless
Yes and not fair It's unreasonable
Sing, I've just got a hanger-on
You?
Yes, I'm surprise too
Say big brother
Big brother
Hello, how are you?
How much do you want? 
Big brother
How much of what?
Every big brother asks for money
What does it mean?
Albert joins all the clubs in school from school club to gang club and he pays all the fees
Is there any triad here?
Yes
That one belongs to gang B
He's black not necessary be a triad member
Black people has a triad too
That one belongs to gang C
C?
!
C for Ca Li Fra Ga Lis Tic Ex Pe Ala Docious
I see
In fact I just wanna ask you about one person
Follow me
Pay for it
Thirty dollars
Make it cheaper, we're friends
Forget it...
Sweet Potato Yes
Is it done?
I've already found some informers, Sing
Absolutely no problem
I have paid for it
Sister
Sweetheart
Do you want some?
Ten dollar one stick
Good grass
Reckless
Isn't it good, we can do anything
Or is it better to be in a jail?
It's really No. 2
What No. 2?
No. 2 of the 5th race
Hey, the 6th race will soon begin
Are you interested in my banker 10% discount
No? 
Stocks?
Gold, commodities, currencies
Hey, the Yen is appreciating How about it?
No? 
Women?
Different nationalities, 18-year-old
No? 
Men? 
Animal? 
Dog?
Mouse?
Excuse me
Hi, Sir, nice haircut
Sir, the book is for you. 
How is it?
It's good
Read it carefully, really something good
I don't watch football
Why don't we take attendance first
Sandy Lai
Sandy...
I'm here
And this one... is a new student
Stephen Chow
Here...
It's Chow
Here...
Mr. Chow, welcome to the class
Matthew, chapter 27
At this time, when Juda the betrayer of Jesus saw that Jesus would be nailed he repented
Play Mahjong
Good, how much?
What are you doing?
Goodbye, Sir. 
Play mahjong
Your punishment is to copy the Old arid New Testament once
What? 
Why so serious?
Didn't you say play mahjong?
Few years later, the Bible is so thick
Don't even think of playing mahjong for these 2 years
It can't be?
!
Returning to the repentant Juda
He put $30 in the church
Then left, and hanged himself
What depressed him so much to end his life?
Do you think what Juda who betrayed Christ is a good man?
He's alright
If he did not betrayed Christ then Christ'll not be nailed to the cross then you won't have a cross on your neck
You'll be unemployed, fear?
The betrayal is arranged by God
That means... 
God purposely cheated Juda
God, please forgive my violence
Please show me how to save this student
Sing, it's reckless here
You can do whatever you want
What? 
Do you wanna copy the Bible?
It's nothing
I don't care if God saves my soul
Right now I wanna beat you
Sing, you're great Your fighting is good
But I've sensed something bad is coming
You shouldn't have insulted Minister Wong
He's the most powerful in the school even bigger than me and the Principal
He can kick you out anytime
Why didn't you tell me earlier?
I forgot
Go...
See how you can beat me up
Go!
You're something, head of discipline
Of course, don't run
Head of discipline
What?
I wanna ask you something in the washroom
Why have to be in he washroom?
Only takes you a second
Why not here?
Washroom is better
Don't go away, Head of discipline
It's the school regulation I don't wanna beat you
Come on, I ain't that stingy
I haven't killed you right?
I ain't angry at all
Yes... 
It's very kind of you not to kill me. 
Thanks a lot...
I'm always good for you Worth treating me a meal right?
Sure...
Can you bring some dim sum to me too?
That guy is weird, what's he doing here?
Don't care about him
As long as he doesn't intervene with what we're doing
Most important isn't letting him get close to Sandy
Sir, I really won't do it next time
You fool see if you dare to do it next time
Yes, but can you be gentle next time?
You won't be scared if I'm gentle
That's right
Go back to the classroom
Thank you, Sir
Is Sandy really involved?
Brother Sing you're really great just now
Personal show of the ball trick
It really amazes all of us
Am I that good? 
Very good
It's the top
Did any girls yell?
Not only yell, some moan
Who? 
Them
Brother Sing remember you can just catch the brush before
Now you've already attain such level with the ball and also play it with such style you're great
I can catch not only the brush now
Then what?
I can even catch bullets
Wow, you've got to perform a show
There's chances. 
Just be patient
Then I'll wait for you
The Special Branch has already put their people here
That proves I'm right
There's something going on in this school
Good, I don't have to be beaten
What're you doing? 
Any information?
No, thinking of my girlfriend
Me too
What? 
Is it time to go now?
Go home and do the homework
Chow Sing Sing, the Special Branch invites you for coffee
Big Brother... 
I wanna go too
What're you doing in the school
I've said before we're there to study
Sir
Teacher?
Which subject are you teaching?
You must be teaching Shitly, no, History
I warn you guys Don't follow him to school
Or else, I'll lock you up
What?
What can I do except study?
I'm a student only
Yes, you can't stop people from studying
Chow Sing Sing isn't our man anymore
Is it right, Tat?
Are you scared of him?
No, not me!
Listen, study hard. 
No more investigations and no fooling around
Not to beat the head of discipline
Yes Sir!
Get out
Goodbye, Sir
Thank you, Sir
Dismiss
If there's anything went wrong you're responsible
Let's go
Did you arrange that?
Can you not ask what I'm up to?
Yes, I'll trust you then
Are you alright with your face?
Shut up
Roger
Why it doesn't work?
Anyway, the informer said they're here Move in
Okay
How come no one's here?
Be careful, they must be here
Alright, we do it as planned
The target is Adam Smith International School
But the cops are already at the school
Cops? 
So you're afraid of cops
Now? 
Let's go to teach them a lesson
Sing, this guy knows our identity
We're in danger. 
How about...
Please don't kill me
If our secret spread out...
No, I've already joined you guys
Finish the homework if you wanna get out of trouble
It's done
Sing, where's your Hi-Fi?
Sold it already
Up-grade?
No money you guys already spent my $100,000
I have to sell it
Brother Sing, don't be worried
I'll introduce you to a loan shark
Who?
Sing, it's 6 o'clock, I'll charge you overtime if we're not dismissed
Dismiss
Miss Ho, long time no see
Yes
Well, talk to you later. 
We're off
Off?
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Ming
Hey, they said they're off
Yes, just came to fix the plumbing
Plumbing?
They're learning to be plumber
My hair's getting long
No problem, sit down
Thank you
Mr., how many of you?
One
Have you reserved for the wedding feast?
Yes
Where's the Hi-Fi?
There's no need, is it?
I've got you. 
It's the same
What're you talking about?
That means your singing is better than a Hi-Fi
I've made a appointment with a realtor tomorrow
Remember to bring the cheque book
You wanna make a deposit?
Don't be this hurry
What? 
You've got no money?
No, whatever you gave me last time I've got them
But then if you make the deposit
That means you have to pay the mortgage
Yes, you can apply for civil allowance
There's no more
Why not?
I'm an undercover
Undercover? 
You said you're promoted?
Yes, still an undercover
I'm a commander of the undercovers
Not anyone can take the this post
You should be happy for me, are you?
Smile then
Will it delay our wedding?
It's better not or else I'll lose my life
What're you doing?
Nothing
Keep going
More?
Yes
You said so...
Come on, hurry
Today, I'll teach you judo
To be good the waist is the most important
Besides, the feet as well
Come on, hurry
See it?
In fact, judo is dynamic
Sandy, come demonstrate with him
Yes
Sir, she's a girl
I purposely pick the smallest one
The others will kill you
Ready
Cut
Why are you dancing Cha Cha? 
Fight!
Thank you...
Alright, get even then
You're done with the shower?
You've played judo?
No
Why you took a shower?
We're partner
Sandy isn't related to this case
Sandy?
!
I don't understand, I'm just a student
Then you shouldn't talk about dating girls
No
Then did the girls date you?
Look at your own face
Your side and your head
Which part will the girls love
No
That's it
You've got it, give me ten
I've got it, give me five
If it is, it's only Sandy
Why are you kissing?
But not letting me in?
Next time
Don't touch her anymore
Give me some hair conditioner
Thank you
Don't say thank you, say thanks is okay
Thanks
Brother...
Do you know that girl with short hair?
Which one?
The one with the comic book 'Never Defeated'
That's Jacky, Sandy's sister
Everyone's afraid of her
What's in your mind?
Your mission is to divert the girl who is holding the 'Never Defeat'
That one, no way
What about the one next to her?
I'll take care of her you take care of 'Never Defeated'
It is an order
Miss, do you have it?
What are you talking?
Just a little is enough
What do you want?
I mean time
No
Hey
You bastard, you wanna get away?
Don't let me catch you
Sis
What a coincidence?
Yes
What're you doing here?
Getting a sun tan
Good
Let's go
Seems like we've known for a long time
Yes, I have the same feeling
Tell you the truth, I like you
I know
Tell you the truth I'm not short-sighted
Blocking...
Returning to the point Where did I leave off?
Returning to the point
Yes, do you know a guy named Mike Chan?
Do you know Mike Chan?
No What?
What? 
Mike Chan?
I don't know him
Mike... 
Chan
There's Mike Chu, and Peter Chan but not Mike Chan
Have you forgotten?
Please think carefully
It's very important to me
I think my sister may know
Then let's go and find her
See how long can you stand
Play? 
Let's play together
No, thank you
Get up, are you okay?
Yes
Sis, do you know a guy called Mike Chan?
Mike Chan?
Tell him
Which Mike Chan?
This Mike Chan
Oh, it's Coward Chan
Coward Chan?
Yes, it's him
Four days absent in a week
Sleeping in the class
Is that right?
Yes
Do you know what are his activities?
He doesn't have any
He's a coward
Play ball
Play ball
I have to try it this time
I don't think it's a good idea
This isn't our game
Sis isn't afraid, why you?
You haven't tried it before?
Yes, I haven't
Me too
Is it right?
Let's try it
We're no longer kids afterwards
Come, try once
I don't think so
Come on, there's no one here
No Once
Okay... 
Hurry
Can you take it?
Quick Coming...
You won't regret? 
No
Close your eyes then No
Then I'm coming
Come Coming...
What are you doing?
You've got asthma?
No, just breathing
Breathing?
Where's my glasses?
What glasses?
Glasses... 
Glasses?
Okay
How do you feel?
Alright, you?
Very good
But little girl shouldn't try this
If you wanna try, count me in
You aren't afraid of asthma?
Yes, but for you, it's okay
Chow Sing Sing Run
I wanna ask you something
It's you Don't be afraid...
What?
I think you're the only one who can teach me
How to get a girlfriend?
Why ask me?
I've seen you two just now very skillful
It's only basics, any target?
Yes... but... 
I'm afraid
No problem, let's discuss it
Of course you should have the guts to do it
But, I think you should take care of your hair first
Yes... yes...
Wasting my time
All those stuffs are irrelevant
How are you, Turtle?
Turtle...
So powerful!
How can a kiss be that powerful?
It must be the power of love
When do you marry her then?
She said when she'd get enough saving
Fine...
Then I must be the most miserable?
!
I'm in love with a little girl
How can I end that up?
Sing, you've got a girlfriend Can you manage?
I can manage that for you
Okay... go ahead
You must be kidding
Look at me... my appearance... by how?
Good that you know
After all, it's a big trouble
Big brother... 
I've got information
What?
Mike's been out with the two girls over there
Those two...
You two... go and handle them first
Sing, you always ask us to do so
Are we like prostitute?
Then do you go for it? 
Of course
Such young men can't hold themselves on
How can they handle big cases?
!
Hello
Hi...
Go and buy a drink with me!
Drink only? 
How about... 
lunch together?
Wow, I'm leading
No cheating! 
Go back!
Still playing?
!
Does Sing really have a girlfriend?
Yes, very pretty
Prettier than you
Yes, tell Sandy to consider me
I'm not bad, right?
Just the haircut is a bit outdated
Bad boy
Do you have another girlfriend? 
Tell me
No
Why your ears turned red?
Don't know
What a shame to know your friends
Let me tell you
Don't let me see Chow Sing Sing again
If I see him
I'll beat him up. 
Did you hear?
You don't wanna go out with me?
Not really. 
It depends
Tell me if you don't want
If you like me, you should hold my hand but not holding the school bag
That's what I mean
Get something to eat
What did you say earlier?
I ask you again, am I pretty...?
Say it Pretty...
Let's go somewhere else
What?
I wanna pee
I wait for you
Let's go together
No, don't talk in the washroom talk it here
Do you wanna pee?
I wanna hold it for a while
Can you?
Nothing's hard in the world if you're sincere
Go and get something to eat
You hold it a while then Okay
To be an undercover, I'm ready for this
How come you're like this?
Let's go
No... 
There's someone I know
Uncle, auntie
What a coincidence?
!
Yes, it is. 
This is Miss Ho
She's my previous tutor
Miss Ho ever since you stopped tutoring me my school result drops
Come to my place if you have time
But I'm going to move
Are you?
I'm getting married
Marry? 
Congratulations
Thank you
Congratulations
I'm dating now
Your boyfriend?
Hello, how are you?
But he's naughty
How interesting
Let's go
Haven't eat yet?
!
I'm not feeling well
Excuse me, I have to go
Okay, bye...
Bye...
Bye, I'm safe
Sing... 
Who is it?
It's me You've got the wrong person, man
Not wrong
If it's not your voice I couldn't recognize you
Sit...
It's you?
!
Yes... 
Sit...
Let me fix the situation for you
Miss Ho, don't you get mad
The reason why Sing is with Sandy lately it's all because of work
There may be some personal feeling between them
It's hard to say but don't think it's real
You too
In fact Sing is aggressive
Even though he got fired by the police force
He still comes back as undercover
Also, because of it he even spent the $100,000 wedding money
What a guy!
He's very miserable now Look at him, right?
So, let's think of a way to help him
Let's think
That means the wedding is off
Good idea, what a good solution it is
No wedding
You damn fool. 
I'm in big trouble now
Why insult me?
I helped you
Lucky that we don't have your kind in our team
Damn Old Fool
You insult me?
What? 
'Damn Old Fool'
Say it once more
Damn Old... 
Fool
Why did you hit him?
He insulted me
Me too, why didn't you beat me?
I'm not as big as you
You know it better
Have a cup of tea
Don't be angry, those guys are just jealous of you
Don't you worry. 
I'm here
But the case depends on you
The problem isn't you it's Chow Sing Sing
This guy's gone too far He'll get in trouble soon
You have to be careful
Here, go have some fun
My supplementary card to you
Are you teaching me?
No
Don't ever say bad things about my friend before me
I admire your loyalty
You know?
Everyone respect you in the station
They say you're honest capable, kind and generous
If the world has more people like you it'll be good
So, what you gonna do?
Expel Sing Good!
Don't follow me, I'm getting married
I like to
You've got no future
I don't want future
Give it to someone else if you don't want it
Don't bug me
What about me?
Ask your mother, don't ask me
Have you ever liked me?
You knot it's only a game
What? 
Am I contagious?
Jacky said you're no good asked me not to be with you
Fellow classmates
We're here to have a test, how about it?
Get out
Damn you
Throwing dusters in front of me?
When I throw dusters you're still nowhere
Tell him to get back to class
You tell
I tell?
You're the teacher
Where's your dignity? 
How do you teach?
Say it
Class begins
Louder
Class begins
Say in complete sentence
Class begins, today... has a test
Class begins, today has a test
Is it okay?
Test, test
Chow Sing Sing, you come out
I'm not in a good mood today what do you want?
I can't control myself
Let me go then
Mr. Principal
Hello, Mr. Principal
Hello, Sing, long time no see
Yes, haven't seen you at school
How's business?
It all depends on the students
Where are you getting rich?
Rich? 
Most important is to have you to look after me
I've taken over a food stall at Temple Street. 
Interested?
A food stall? 
Yes
Okay, count you in
Well thanks
Why are your parents looking for me?
What parents?
Your mother
Your mother
Your mother
She's here, Auntie
Yes!
You bad boy I'm here to withdraw you from school
Mr. Principal?
I'm here to withdraw my son
Welcome...
It's sad to see kids schoolless
Who said so?
Hold it, who said withdrawal
I said it
Hello, Madam?
What Madam, call me mother
What? 
You did it with my dad?
Of course, or else how would I have you?
You don't acknowledge me, is it?
You did it with my dad?
I've done it too
Look, I've brought his birth certificate
His mother, Yu Su Chiu, that's me
What, you're Yu Su Chiu?
Yes, I can prove she's Yu Su Chiu
Be quiet please
Give me time to think what has happened
Okay
Right, kids must go to school
What? 
What are you talking about?
Look, what do you think I look like?
What? 
Yes, you've got it, I'm a hooker
I'm at the whore house at Portland Street called the Big Breasts girl
working as a hooker for 25 years
Come when you have time
How much do you charge?
You?
Just wanna know
$100, buy one get one free 10 men a night, only get $500
If I work hard for the whole month
I can only survive, hold this for me
I have to scold the bad boy
You bad boy
You said you'll attend English school to get foreigners for me
But you come here for fun
Poor me
How come hooker wears a gun?
Yes...
I even buy you a toy gun
He likes to play toy gun
Thank you, mom
You give it back to me
Didn't you say bought it for me?
You... give...
You bought it for me
Yes
Then it's mine
I wanna play it now, I wanna try it
Look up
Let me play
You love, you bought me the gun
Play
You play, but don't aim at me
Don't
Don't aim at anybody
Sing playing gun in school is a serious crime
I want school
No, put down the gun
I'll play gun if no school
Are you alright?
Alright...
The gun is loud
Don't
The gun is here
The gun is so real
Don't play gun... 
Very serious...
What? 
I'm in charge here
The sound is so real
Wow! 
The gun is really powerful
Mrs. Chow where did you get such a toy gun?
Damn you
Mrs. Chow I'll teach a lesson to your son
Let's go!
Hey, you really wanna mess things up?
You mess things up, not me
What do you mean to withdraw me?
What can you do here?
I'm in charge here
Don't be so mean
I just wanna help you
Help? 
You just wanna help yourself
You're selfish
Let me try once, okay?
Whether lose or win I'll take the consequences
My career, romance and future
Are all in your hand
Leave if you wanna help me
Silence means you promise
It's only a toy gun, don't get excited
It's for kids
It's not for adults
Fire all my bullets, how do I report it?
Mrs. Chow Yes
You can leave with your son
Good
Why are you in such a hurry?
I'm leaving, bye
I'm just playing, no need to scold me
Then why you didn't respect her
You deserve it
Go back to your business
Big brother
You're leaving?
This is my phone number, call me
What is it?
School map, good for escape
Did you draw it?
No, just pick it
Who would draw something like this?
Beat the shit out of me
Here
Where did you get this map?
Sing gave it to me
Where did Sing get it?
I don't know
Madam Wong, do you believe in Sing?
I believe in Tat
I believe in Sing
I believe in Sing
How can I trust you guys?
I believe you...
You believe in Sing, he said so
Madam I've talked to the Secretary of security
You guys from RCU are no longer needed in this case
We'll take care of it ourselves
You can continue believing in Sing
Sorry, Lydia
Tat, I trust you...
Where's Sandy?
Don't know, I'm busy now
I told you to keep an eye on here
Seems she went downstairs
Why didn't you so earlier
Hey, still some more, finish it
Come on, mark the time
No watch
Let's go
Mr. Lee, we're on position
Over
Hey, have a drink first
Let's go Okay
Make sure you know where they are
Got it
These guys are really amateurs
Yesterday Prime Minister John Major told reporters that
British government has no intention of yielding to any terrorist demands
He denied any negotiations have taken place between the terrorist group and Government
Let's see how tough they play when I've got 300 school kids in my hand
Roll the ball
See you later
The machine isn't working
Let me check it
Let me tell you a secret
What?
There's terrorists in Hong Kong
Crazy...
Merry Christmas
Don't move. 
I don't want to hurt anybody
Everything's ready
Hurry...
Hello
Sing
Louder
Sing
Where's those guys from Special Branch?
Where's Tat?
Go call the police at once I'll be there immediately
Special Branch
Hello, I'm Chow Sing Sing
Damn you!
Hello...
What's the no. 
Of police?
999. 
Quick!
We've got a mantle of frequency in here from around here
With intention to jam the signal
I can't exact the signal path is moving too fast
Jonathan, check it out
Damn you
Follow me
Wait... 
I'll do this one
What's the problem?
Someone's going?
Shit... get them to the basement
Get up, move...
Moving...
Sir
Sing, why are you back?
There's a heavy armed group of terrorists
Currently kidnapped a group of hostages
I want you to despatch a team of SDU to save them
I haven't received the order from above
There won't be any because there's only me who know at this time
You're the captain here before
We can't go without the order from above
I know, but there're lives involved It's emergency
There's no more time
Sorry, can't help you
Then can you lent me your warrant card
Well...
Sing, you wanna go to jail?
Yes, Sir
No, 3 Team, ABC unit move out
There're hundred of lives waiting for you to rescue
I'll take every responsibility Believe me?
Yes, Sir
Move out
Move it...
Hold it
Under the pool there's a air-raid shelter
Follow me
That way
Hurry
Get away... 
Let me do it
Go
Go
Why is it so bright suddenly
Where's my glasses?
Feels uncomfortable without my glasses
It's here
Damn it, the entrance is exploded
Kill you bastards
How come it's hot dogs
Watch out, hurry...
Be careful... 
Hurry...
Police, freeze
Don't shoot, we're on the same side
Mr. Chow, I met them in the tunnel Lower down
Sing, very scary, the terrorists
Shut up!
How did you get out?
We came from the underground tunnel
But it was exploded
Can't go in
Any injuries?
No, we're all safe, except me
You're the best
Yes, he's very good...
Any more students inside?
I don't know but Tat is in there
Tat?
He saved us
He saved you?
Like an exterminator
Exterminator?
But don't know if he's dead or not?
Go in at once
Yes, Sir
Damn it
Hold on...
Surrender!
It's unfair that you have two against me
You'll learn a lesson when my partner comes
Fire
There's a lot of police here
Got to make some help now
Shit
Move in
Pay attention There must be more students
Lead them out
Remember, we're going to save is a Chinese man with moustache
Any discovery?
No, Sir
Sir, does he have any special marks?
Marks?
!
Indecency
What about personality?
What personality?
Who asked this stupid question?
Found anybody?
No, we've searched all classrooms
There's a whole fucking army out there
Oh, dear
Move
Stand there...
You're Chow Sing Sing?
Sir
Sir
Have you seen Terminator?
Which Terminator?
James Bond
Which James Bond?
Head of discipline
What head of dispensary?
Take him out
Yes, Sir
Take him out
Don't
Light-grenade
Sir, who to do next?
Get him out for first aids
What about you?
Hurry, save life first
Sir
I cover you, ready, go
Kill all of you guys
Anybody still alive?
Anybody still alive?
Answer me if there is any
I've reached the last machine room, over
Read me? 
Over...
Hello...
Freeze
Sing, relay...
No weapons please
and hand gun
Easy
Very nice, turn around...
Why?
Because I want you to turn around
What?
You fool
Bye...
Are you alright?
Yes... where's your bullet?
Where did you hide it?
In my back
Is it?
All inside
You've been shot?
You're pretending just now
Young man, be realistic
Don't cheat around
Don't bullshit, I'm in pain
Let me get an ambulance
Hold it What?
Everybody is coming Let me be reward first
You're greedy again?
What? 
You are
He's not police, I have to arrest him
Chow Sing Sing's action is planned by our RCU's
Don't misbehave
Tsao Tat Wah
I'll be responsible for everything
You've done a good job no students is hurt
Thank you, Sir
Sir you've promised that RCU isn't involved
No
Yes, there's an order here, see for yourself
You're hated by me more
Wow... hand grenade
Bastard, interrupt me while I'm talking
Don't think that there's no arrest after death
Lock him up
Who pushed me to the front?
I'll settle with you letter
Thank you
This time, you got me in trouble
Sir
Have I misbehaved this time?
You've learned from me at last
Thank you
Chow Sing Sing
Yes Madam
You have done very well we welcome you back to the force
But I'm not interested in the traffic unit
Don't you worry
This time if it's either Chief Superintendent or Chief Inspector
Thank you, Madam
I've heard that you've been shot
Yes, but to me, it is only a scratch
It's really nothing
Very good, any request?
I want an ambulance
Call an ambulance
Ambulance?
Someone's dating me
See if you can beat him first
Okay? 
I'm not a coward anymore
Did I say I wanna date you?
I came here to learn flower arrangement only
You bastard snatch my girl I'll beat you up
Beat you
Be serious.
Or I will tell the doctor about that.
Do you have a stomach ache?
Yes. 
I went shitting twice.
Sing Sing.
Hi, Ah Man.
Cousin, how are you?
I am an experienced police officer.
I won't care about such little injury.
But he is different.
He hasn't had such chance to stay with a senior officer like me.
You are not my boss.
And you are not a police officer either.
You are suspended by the Dept.
I am protecting a common witness.
I was framed, you'll know that I am innocent sooner or later.
When I resume duty, you will regret what you've done to me.
Cut the crap, stop arguing.
Please, you'd encourage him.
Say, being the undercover.
Undercover? 
Don't ask him to be undercover!
I hate people being undercover.
Sing Sing, you promised me you'd never be undercover again.
Yes.
But I prefer being an undercover than protecting this scumbag
I need no protection from you.
But you were attacked over 30 times after you're suspended.
What? 
Come on.
Stop arguing! 
I will give you some soup, come on.
Anything wrong with you?
I have headache, and a little bit dizzy.
I see.
You refuse to leave the hospital.
Because the nurses here are so pretty.
My hand is hurt.
Miss, when can I leave the hospital?
No peeping! 
You don't even take care of my hand!
Go and get some medicine from the nurse.
No peeping!
I haven't!
What are you doing?
It was dangerous! 
Didn't you notice it?
What? 
You are insane!
On the floor!
That's too much!
No, he....
Don't bully me! 
Try once more if you dare!
Be careful!
Damn you, you wolf!
I can recognize you anyway.
Calling control, I am Chow Sing Sing, are you calling me?
Yes.
I've just destroyed a notorious group of killers.
And I've arrested the involved criminals.
Come and take them back to the station now.
Tell him I achieved something.
Officer Lai asked you to go to the scene.
I am now protecting the witness, I can't leave.
Officer Lai asked you to leave everything alone. 
Come now.
-Do you mean to leave everything alone?
-Yes.
Alright.
Don't move, let me pick up the gun first.
Where is Sing Sing?
On the floor, now!
What's the matter?
He is called by the Headquarters.
Hey, the test tube is broken, give me a cup.
Yes Sir!
Madam
I'll take it for chemical test right now.
What's the matter?
It's a homicide case.
Is the dead a man or an animal?
Man.
Why a tail is found here?
You are the chemical teacher.
Who are you?
I am Chow Sing Sing, you taught me Chemistry in last movie.
I can't remember that.
I am the judicial doctor, who are you?
Chow Sing Sing.
What did you ask me?
Nothing.
Nonsense.
-Have you seen Officer Lai?
-Which one are you talking about?
That scumbag.
He claims himself Bruce Willis, he is nicknamed Super-cop.
That scumbag's foot is under yours.
Sorry sir.
Are you hurt?
Sure! 
I am hurt!
Yes.
About the homicide...
It's so cruel.
The dead is called Million Wong.
His hands are tied up, and he is stabbed to death by an ice digger.
There is sperm left on the bed sheet.
The way he was killed is similar to the story of one recent movie.
So what do you want me to do with this case?
Take a look at this picture.
When did you take my picture?
I hate this.
This is the picture of the dead, you two look the same.
But he had a mole more.
It's funny.
What do you want?
It's a merit to you.
Excuse me!
I am sorry, clean your face please.
Where did you get the tissue?
It's put next to the bed, so what?
It's used by the victim for cleaning!
Cleaning what?
What do you think?
It's alright, just take it as facial.
What do you think, Officer Lai?
Where is the sperm of the victim?
Here it is.
It's empty.
You know it's a serious crime to destroy the evidence?
Unless you obey my instruction, or you'll be punished.
Your mission is to act as Million Wong, go back to his home.
Watch his wife, Judy Tong.
And his friend, Taior Lam who always wants to take his advantage.
They are suspected to be the murderers.
You want me to be undercover?
That's what I want. 
Or you can name yourself "Betrayer", or, bad egg, just as you like!
I beg you, don't ask me to be undercover.
I promised my girl of not being undercover anymore.
Or, I will lose my wife.
Please, be merciful.
Please show mercy to me, I beg you!
You can refuse going.
Anymore of you, take him back and charge him... of destroying the important evidence.
Yes sir.
You scared me!
Even I refuse, there will be another one who is willing to go.
OK, I will listen to you, you are disgusting!
I haven't promised Macdonna who flattered me 8 times.
So how can you change my mind by flattering me like this?
I think it's not Macdonna but Mac Dong Hung.
Macdonna!
Please give me face to let me excuse from this mission!
No, you should go!
You are too dominant!
Dominic is my christian name.
Damn it, don't go too far!
I am a kung-fu master.
I am expert in No-shadow Fist and Skeleton Kick!
You can never defeat me.
But I can defeat you just by my tongue!
Do you want me to go?
Well, it must be reasonable for you to send me as undercover.
Let me think...
I respect your decision.
OK?
Fine!
Actually I love the name of "Undercover".
I didn't push you.
You are silly, how can you say this to your best friend?
Are you taking me as your friend?
We're colleague, lend me few hundred thousands to buy a flat, OK?
I can tell you are not righteous.
I will support you anyway. 
Try hard to solve the case.
My future brother-in-law.
How nice to meet you, it's my treat.
But, lend me $20,000 first.
You are suspended, how dare you borrow money from me?
Don't lose my face.
I come to report a crime, isn't it OK?
I was indecent assaulted by a woman.
Hold it...
You said, you'd support me anyway.
If you are willing to do so, I will do everything to assist you.
That's fine! 
I want him to be my assistant!
The 4th seat of the 3rd row.
You are exaggerating!
None of your business.
You are late.
I was busy.
How is the story?
The woman stays with the man in bed.
she kills the man with an ice-digger.
Hey, I want to tell you something.
What?
I quitted the job in school.
I want to help my mom to take care of her florist.
I wish to take some order from the hotel and restaurants.
Isn't it a good idea?
Good, very good.
I have something to talk to you too.
What?
I will be an undercover starting from tomorrow morning.
What?
I will be an undercover starting from tomorrow morning.
Are you tired of that?
Sure, but not my boss, I can't help.
What identity will be taken this time?
A husband of a woman.
Which woman?
Keep this as secret.
Judy Tong, who always appears in the gossip magazine.
This is what I can tell, others should be kept confidential.
Don't you mind?
It's not necessary for you to scare like this!
Or do you want to take advantage?
Sure! 
Miss Snow White!
I am leaving.
Excuse me.
Ah Man...
Where are you going to?
What are you doing?
Where are you going to?
You promised me not to be undercover again!
You silly girl, this is an order, I can't help.
Tomorrow is the lunar new year eve.
You promised to dine with my family.
Excuse me.
No, go and piss once more.
It doesn't matter! 
Don't be silly...
OK, you want to be the husband of Judy Tong?
She is weird!
Will you sleep with her?
No, I will never do that.
But, I am not sure if I get drunk.
Are you going to sleep with her?
I will date other boyfriends in return.
I don't want to do so, it's my job.
Excuse me.
No excuse.
I have pissed again.
So, go shitting.
I don't care, if you do something wrong,
I will take revenge.
Say, I will sleep with 10 men.
How can you talk like this to me?
If you do something wrong,
I will learn from the character of the film.
When you fall asleep, I will tie you up,
Tie me up?
Stop kidding, be careful.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Have you bathed?
Yes.
You should write the Fei Chun first.
Fine, make it tomorrow.
No way, go now.
My hands are tired.
May I stop here?
You can use your feet.
Great! 
You wrote them with your toes.
Sure! 
I am really smart.
Sure you are.
Are you loving me more?
If you were so smart than... eat the noodles with your toes, can you?
What did you say?
Hello?
Are you Mrs. Wong? 
This is a call from the police station.
We have found your husband.
Where is he now?
In the police station, come and pick him up.
Thank you.
Madam, someone sent you some expensive underwears.
Idiot, everyone knows that I hate wearing underwears.
You may take them.
Thank you.
I am now going to take Master home.
Yes, Madam.
Are you Jelly Tong, no...
Are you Judy Tong?
Call me Judy.
Have you found my husband?
Yes, we found him in NT
He seems to have lost his memory.
We suspected that his head was seriously hurt.
He's got not a penny in his pocket.
Maybe he is robbed.
Robbed by woman, I guess.
Why don't you smoke?
Mrs. Wong, I am sorry, smoking is not allowed in this room.
Would you put me in jail?
No... but... $5000 will be fined!
Here is ten thousand, I will treat you cigarette.
Mrs. Wong, money is not the most powerful thing in the world.
It isn't... but it's important.
You are not my husband.
I haven't said I was your husband.
He is your husband.
I won't forgive him!
You just go fooling around, that made you crazy!
Speak something.
What? 
I lost my memory.
She is your wife.
No.
I didn't say yes.
You are couple anyway, forget his mistake.
You, go and flatter her, then it'd be alright.
I won't go home with him.
I come and see whether he is dead or not.
I have light memory that, my wife is rather pretty.
She is pretty.
What do you think?
Although she is not pretty, she is your wife.
I am sorry, police can't tell lies.
My wife is having nice body.
She has nice figure too.
My wife doesn't wear underwear.
I have just seen that she hasn't wore the underwear.
I just guess...
Damn it, you are not crazy at all.
You have sharp tongue!
Well, go home now. 
Come on.
Are you telling me?
What kind of behavior of you?
You reported of missing a husband, you come and fool us after your husband is found.
I'd better take you back to Shunzhen.
You know, we can lock you up for few months without any trial.
What are you looking?
You are impolite.
Look at me.
How long can he protect you?
In July 1997, I will arrest him too.
Who are you?
The security officer of China. 
So what?
You look familiar, when did you go back to China?
I haven't!
You seem to be the commercial criminal who stole money from government.
Pal, I want to take them back to Shunzhen now.
Including him!
Me?
Don't be big mouth, do you want to interrupt the peace?
I will arrest you, don't you believe?
Damn it!
I am sorry! 
Excuse me please.
Have you finished? 
Damn it.
I am sleepy.
Don't be big mouth.
Go home to sleep if you fell sleepy.
-Follow me home!
-Don't go!
Let's go...
Where is my gun?
Just let them go.
Bullshit works, see?
How dare you be so impolite to me?
You know, you are suspended.
If you pretend to be police again, I'll ask someone to arrest you.
Don't be so cocky.
I pretended as Chinese security officer, ask them to arrest me!
You...
Stop it. 
Or I will go and apply to be the Chinese security officer.
And I will take revenge in 1997.
You go to hell!
Luckily, I am a catholic, I will go to heaven.
Young master!
Who...
It's your house, what makes you suprised?
I have lost my memory.
So what?
I don't mean it.
Do you know who she is?
My mom?
You mistook it.
She is Toiletpapa. 
Our housekeeper.
What? 
She is toilet paper?
It's a Japanese name.
Daddy...
Daddy...
My dear son...
Good boy, I miss you so much!
Damn it!
He is the son of the gardener.
He greeted me as daddy.
He greets everyone as daddy.
Greet us.
Daddy, daddy...
I am glad you are back.
Do you know who is he?
Is he the cook who makes curry?
He is your dad.
What?
Good boy.
Daddy.
It's good to see you again.
Do you know who he is?
Maybe a gardener?
Your babysitter.
What?
Master, do you want to have milk?
Why not later?
Do you know who he is?
I don't think he is my brother.
Sure he is.
What?
You always treat him as your brother.
I see.
Call its name, or it will bite you.
Do you mean it?
What name is it?
Use your brain!
Dolly! 
Dolly! 
Dolly!
David, Peter, Maria, Rose, Gigo...
Gigio Armani, Valentino...
Wong Jing, Ng Man Tat, Chan Ka Sheung!
This dog should be killed.
It's called Dolly Law!
You forget its name.
I said Dolly many times!
No, it's called Dolly Law. 
Not Dolly.
You should mention it's surname Law.
That's why it didn't obey me.
Young Master.
-The vet has arrived.
-Which dog should I draw its teeth?
This way.
Thank you, doctor.
Lower your voice.
You always fall asleep when doing massage to you, but why are you so excited today?
I don't know why.
Don't pull so hard, OK?
Young master, but you love it.
You mean it?
Yes.
Forget it.
Why are you interested in this old picture?
I have lost my memory.
So what?
I don't mean it.
I wonder!
Why did I take such picture with an underwear only!
It's me who begged you to wear it!
You refused to wear anything at first!
You wanted to be sexy.
You didn't satisfy with it at all.
I can't tell you are that kind of person.
What!
I have lost my memory.
If not judging from your look, I suspect that you are fake.
What? 
You are suspecting me?
I told you I lost my memory.
Actually what did I tell you before I lost?
I don't know.
Toiletpapa.
What are you calling her for?
To prepare for your bath.
She has slept.
What do you want, master?
You always appear so suddenly!
Madam, he said I appeared so suddenly.
It's the usual practice of everybody in this house.
I know how to appear in a sudden too.
What are you doing?
Are you pretending to be dead?
Hello, Officer Lai, I am Judy Tong.
What's the matter?
You have found me the husband, he is not my husband.
Thinner, make it thinner.
How do you know that?
He knows nothing about my family.
He was bitten by our dog.
I asked him to bath, he did it.
But he bathed only 4 times a year.
He was pushed to take a bath before our wedding.
We asked him to take bath in the detention center, he addicted to it.
Hey, he is your real husband.
Treat him nicely, otherwise,
I won't let you go.
Are you Officer Lai? 
How can you talk like this?
I am not Officer Lai?
Don't you think I am Leon Lai?
Go to hell.
It doesn't seem to be your voice.
You're right.
You deserve severe punishment.
Officer Chan.
What's the matter?
I don't think my husband is my husband.
I don't understand.
Officer Lai searched my missing husband.
He looks like my husband.
But, I have found that, he isn't my husband.
Officer Lai has found you a husband who is not your husband.
But you've found that your husband isn't you husband.
He is not my husband.
So you are suspecting that he is fake although he is like your husband.
I think so.
You should ask Officer Lai.
I have called him.
But, I don't know it's Officer Lai or not, he told me that my present husband is my husband.
That Officer Lai, you don't know he is true or not, he told you, your present husband is your real husband?
I think so.
I have a suggestion.
Go home and bath, and drink a cup of hot milk.
Come to see Officer Lai early tomorrow morning.
Then you will discover that, your husband is your husband again.
Are you suspecting me? 
Don't you trust me?
Don't you think I am idiot?
I think so.
He is fake.
I am fake too.
Actually I am Andy Lau, I pretend to be Officer Chan.
Now, it's 30 minutes passed 12.
Oh, it's the first day of the Lunar New Year.
Happy new year.
-What are you doing? 
Officer Chan?
-That's it, bye bye.
I haven't finished.
Bye bye.
You are great, my dear classmate.
Kung Hei Fei Choi!
You are making a dead set at me.
She is rich, she would sue us, you know?
But we are carrying law and justice.
You misjudge righteousness!
How dare you push me?
Go to hell.
So what?
How dare you hit me?
I will kill you!
Officer Chan, I have lost my lighter.
Why your eyes are so black?
I don't have enough sleep that's it.
Mrs. Wong, Kung Hei Fet Choi.
Good luck, good bye.
Anyway, happy anything to you.
All are crazy!
What kind of noise is it?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
You are my boss, I am your assistant, don't you forget?
Yes.
You asked me to protect you, right?
Sure.
I have done what you've instructed.
I haven't told you to cut the ceiling of others.
Yes, you didn't!
Go away, you idiot!
I don't need your protection.
But, I've to watch over you to stop you from betraying my cousin.
Here you are, Madam.
Yes.
Judy is back, go now.
Shit, a fatty has gone into the room, what shall I do?
Are you back? 
Where have you gone?
I just went out to eat noodle.
Noodle?
!
Yes.
Very good.
In order to finish my mission, I have to flatter her.
I want to tempt her, and make her tell me the truth.
To find out the truth.
I should flatter him.
I want him to disclose his real identity.
Judy!
Million!
Judy!
Million!
Sorry, I am tired.
I am going to sleep in the study room.
My God, please give me a strong man.
Ask him to enter my dream, thank you.
Really strong.
He is undressed.
Thank God...
I am coming.
Hurry up, fix the present as soon as possible!
Master and madam are coming down.
Congratulation. 
Happy new year...
Always lucky...
Here is the red pocket.
You give them luck money too.
I haven't brought them with me, give me some.
Congratulation.
Thank you.
Luck, always lucky.
Thank you.
How about me?
You are married.
Give it to me.
Where is yours?
I am not married.
You have mistaken mine.
Yours will be sent by Madam.
See, they have got two per head!
That's good.
Congratulation.
Officer Lai.
This is for you...
Officer Lai.
That's very kind of you.
I should send you some present.
Kung Hei Fei Choi!
No, we can't Fei Choi (Getting rich).
Because ICAC would suspect us if we get any extra money.
Well wish you to be promoted.
That's good.
Mr. Wong, are you fine?
You'd take a rest for your head is hurt.
Yes, take a seat, I will fetch you some cake.
Good.
How is it? 
What have you found?
I tried to seduce her, I won't mind sacrifice.
But I can't get anything.
Why don't you find another one?
-Do you want me to kill you?
-Give us some tea.
Yes, Master.
I have given you an assistant who is suspended.
If you can't get me the real murderer, you'd suicide in front of me.
But I am afraid that I would be killed.
Who dares kill you?
London Bridge is falling down.
Who is he?
The one wearing fur.
A woman!
Happy New Year! 
My best friend.
Your girl is bald.
My brother! 
Amigo.
-Happy New Year, Happy New Year.
-Who are you looking for?
Taior!
Judy!
Judy, what's wrong with Million?
He can't recognize me.
I do, you are Taior, right?
No, you never called me like this.
What did you call me before?
Speak up.
Isn't it "Damn you"?
Damn you?
That's right, you fool!
You mean "Fool"?
No, I am "Damn You", you are Fool!
You are "Fool"?
You are "Fool"!
Are you "Fool"?
He is "Damn you"!
Right, Damn you!
Oh, you are Damn you, and you are fool...
He is Damn you, shithead!
I am Shithead?
Make it simple.
Just call "Scumbag" together!
How can you talk like this at the begining of the year?
Repeat!
Damn it!
You are great!
Sorry... 
Sorry!
Who is that scumbag?
He is Officer Lai who found my husband back.
I am not used to stay with such junior police officers.
My disco is newly opened.
You should come earlier tonight.
I have asked many girls to join us.
You love it.
What did you say?
Kidding.
Shit, I forgot to visit my daddy.
How is your daddy?
He died.
I am hurrying to worship him.
See you tonight.
Bye Bye.
See you.
He is the best friend of Million Wong.
He always want to seize Wong's property.
He is worth suspecting.
Judy, you look weird.
Do you want it?
It's not necessary to court a woman.
It's just a waste of time.
Where there's money there's woman.
I will pay her money so that she would listen to me.
I will pay her more money to make her love me.
Money's just drugs, one will be hooked on it.
In that case, you got loads of drugs?
Which film star are you courting lately?
Have a change, not film stars now.
To court those working girl.
That really turns me on.
Really?
The one yesterday I courted owns a florist shop.
Small world!
The one I had also owns a florist shop.
The girl I am going to date tomorrow is having one as well.
Which florist shop is it?
What, you want to join the queue?
Have you got your wife's permission?
Don't look at me!
You can do anything you like.
He wants to have fun too.
I couldn't care less.
I'm going to dance.
Stop fussing with my head.
I just want to know how nice is that florist shop owner.
I don't know how to describe.
Anyway, she's got big eyes, pointed nose, sexy lips, a pair of nice tits.
and...
What's her name?
Damn. 
I just can't remember.
Ada? 
No.
Patty? 
No.
Cindy? 
No.
Anyway she's great in bed.
From the bed to the floor, from the floor up to the bed, from the bed to the kitchen...
She is so cheap!
It's really cheap.
Another thing, she said, the boyfriend she's going to dump is a police as well.
Where's she? 
I want her now!
Cool it.
We had a date, she'll be here in a minute.
Really?
Sure.
Let me make up first.
Really?
Baby! 
Give me a kiss.
Bitch!
Baby! 
Give me a kiss.
Alright!
So cheap!
What's up now?
Just looking for somebody.
Judy, why don't you introduce the beauty to me?
Judy!
Son of a bitch! 
Stop pushing!
You keep the birds and give us the elbow.
You call that good mates.
You have had enough fun!
Judy!
Hi.
Let me introduce, she is called Man Ching.
She is our right hand, this is Mr. Wong.
We met before.
Right.
I can't imagine how troublesome if Man Ching leaves my company.
We don't know what to do.
I won't bother you.
Why not a chat?
Bye bye.
What are you looking?
You always love watching girls.
What else am I going to do?
Have a dance with me.
Who are you looking for?
Just looking for someone.
The bird you're with?
No.
Did you tell lies?
No.
Can you concentrate and dance with me?
Hey, here you are!
That woman you were wanting was here.
Where?
She's left!
Never mind, make it next time.
What a nice hair style.
I admire it.
We are having a party tonight, are you coming?
Go and search more girls to join us.
Fine!
What are you doing?
Nothing, I just remembered something.
Why not play something new?
New?
We are having a party tonight, you must come.
Why are you standing here?
Stop frowning, smile.
We are having a party tonight, you must come.
Big Busts.
Big nose.
Sorry.
We are having a party tonight,
You must come.
Why are you standing here, go and get more girls to join us.
Cut! 
Very good.
What a job.
Why do you come into my room?
My mom will be back soon.
Your mum?
I tell her that you are my tutor.
If she knows it, she'll be furious.
She told me not to let boys in.
No kissing.
No... too!
Is it my turn now?
What are you on about?
What? 
I don't know.
Remember the camp last time?
You walked in my camp and kissed me.
Well, let's stop here, I am going back to the study room.
I just want to know why you don't kiss me tonight.
Well, can I go back to the study after kissing you?
Give me a kiss first.
Not here!
Where then?
Come on Judy, don't go too far.
Naughty!
So what?
Come on...
I won't care!
What are you doing?
Hey, you have a part too?
What are you doing here?
How dare you court my girl, I want to beat you to death.
Don't just beat me, you should beat her too.
She is the director, I can't beat her.
How dare you!
How dare you court my daughter!
You make me feel shame.
It's not wise to tell others this scandal.
I am leaving.
Damn it!
You bastard, kneel down.
You bastard, how dare you seduce my daughter!
You shouldn't put it that way.
But I was pushed to do so!
How can you talk like this?
You are inhuman! 
You want to leave my daughter alone?
I want to quit!
Do it, go on acting.
Look, he is heartless!
I must go and tell your dad.
You are getting marry next month.
Marry?
No?
Are you going to marry?
OK, make it quick!
That's good, hurry up!
You should be good from now on.
I am busy, excuse me.
Go, hurry up!
My mom approves to let us get married.
What? 
Again?
Come on!
Time's up, game over!
You haven't noticed me since we slept in seperate rooms.
I've never said a word about all those women you had.
I want you for just tonight.
Can I?
Can I? 
Why not?
Why?
Stop crying, I'm not the type.
I am a loyal man.
What's that again?
I am a loyal husband. 
I want only one wife.
Just tell me you love me.
I love you.
Again.
I love you.
Hold me tight.
Stop staring!
I wish you would be run over by a car!
Give us a twirl.
Damn you!
You are so cocky to wear the patterned socks.
What do you want?
Just to pick up something.
What do you want, twit?
Just to pick up something.
What are doing? 
Get back inside would you?
Nothing, just pick up the coins.
Come and eat the red bean sweet soup.
Not much business today?
Not so good, because it's newly opened.
Kidding?
Quite a few came for you yesterday.
Oh yeah, how do you know?
Where is your mole?
Here.
Bravo!
This is nice.
Don't you think it's chewy?
Just one.
Of course, that's my mole.
Does it taste better with the mole in it?
You two go on, I just go out for a minute.
Where are you going?
To deliver flowers to someone's wife.
Unlike you, you have no money and no flower.
See you.
You should be blamed.
What do you want again?
I come to eat the sweet soup and to protect you.
Why don't you stay then.
Taior and his gang are coming to play cards tonight.
I think I can get some clues.
You are wise to search for my help.
I'll take care of you tonight, because I am the gambling king!
What are you looking for?
Nothing.
How is it?
Everything normal.
Do you have money?
You know I am called the Gambling King of the police department?
I don't think so.
You will know it later.
Mr. Wong, where is your mole?
Removed.
But it brings you wealth.
Really?
Because I have much money, I don't want more.
It's very wise of you.
See?
Let's follow the old rules.
What?
Gamble in cash.
Sure! 
Sure!
Maximum credit is $200,000.
Isn't it the change?
This is all I have.
Mr. Wong $10,000 as base.
It's an eight.
A nine can have the first call.
Make it $50,000.
How is it?
$150,000 more.
We'll get rich if we get all the base only.
I see.
Follow
But you should show us the money.
Where is the change?
Change?
Hey, over there...
I'll go and take the money, sit here.
Honey, give me few million.
We have seperate account, you know?
But you have 30 million cash put inside the house.
I have forgot where it is.
You will remember, you're smart.
What should I do?
Get rid of this.
You mean it?
You should trust me.
Nine circles.
Bingo!
Me too.
Damn you!
Where is Officer Lai?
He is having fun inside the CID room.
Hi
You bastard!
I want to discuss something important with you.
Can't you see I am busy at beating others?
I want you to give me 2 million for gambling.
Are you kidding?
How dare you counter attack?
You should give me 2 million.
How can I get 2 million for you?
Taior comes for gambling, if I've no money, our secret'll be disclosed.
Then we will be in deep shit! 
Hurry up.
Hands off me.
Only if you promise me.
Where have you gone?
I am sorry, I went to get some money.
The money is not well kept.
I put it inside the maid's room which is in Yuen Long.
Cut the crap, we are waiting for you.
Deal now.
A pair of 8, it's your turn to call.
I want to show...
Hold it, just to tempt them.
Nothing special, just $200,000.
$200,000.
I want to raise it to a million.
I will follow you.
3 eights.
No hesitation, just show hand.
Where is the newspaper?
Throw it out.
3 eights?
Shit, it's not much!
Follow!
I quit.
I have 3 aces.
I don't believe that you've got 4 eights.
Don't be that nervous.
Don't cry, pal!
4 eights.
Why? 
I have had an eight!
You mean the game before you left?
Sure it is.
But we have played many rounds after that.
Why don't you tell me?
You didn't ask!
I...
You are back? 
Win or lose?
You can tell from my head.
A great loser. 
You said you are the King of Gambling.
I didn't mention it.
I have mentioned it.
What'll we do now?
Give me 1 more million to gamble again.
I will show them my real power.
You want 1 million more?
What I gave you was the money from the bailing account.
Now, we are asked to return the money.
If you don't give us back the money
You will be a fugitive!
Please lend me money for the tickets.
You...
Give us one million more.
-You idiot!
-Or we'll be in deep shit!
What would you do if you lose that again?
Anyway, let's take the risk.
Why do you beat me? 
I am making a living only.
Whom are you hitting?
A racketeer.
Why don't you respect such decent professionals?
He cheated 2 dollars.
Who is cheated by him?
It's me.
How can you cheat a beggar?
Beat him to death!
What? 
The greatest enemy of the Saint of Gamling; 
Master Hung!
Hello, how are you?
I am in deep shit! 
I lost much money.
Pal, ask them not to beat me.
I will teach you how to cheat on the gambling table.
But, show me something first.
Kidding! 
Where has he gone?
We have finished 16 rounds, he hasn't returned!
He is back!
Hey, my dear audience...
He looks smart!
He looks familiar.
Who are you acting?
Guess.
I know!
The Saint of Gambling.
Wrong.
I am acting as David Copperfield!
Deal.
I have 3 kings.
I have 3 aces.
Straight flush.
A bigger one.
4 aces.
5 aces.
What Master Hung taught you is powerful.
Win as much as you can.
I'd make use of this chance to find out the truth of Wong's death.
One million.
I will follow.
It's your turn, a pair of aces.
You are silly, it'd be the turn of straight flush.
Show hand.
I don't think you're David Copperfield, I will follow.
I have 50 cents left.
5 million as credit, OK.
Forget the money. 
I want you to answer me a question.
Then I will forget the money.
What question?
Have you ever thought of killing me?
Answer me!
I...
Answer me!
I want to quit!
Your question is nonsense.
Let's go!
Yes!
Just take the money.
Have you found the truth of the case?
The truth is...
I had a four only, but the idiot quitted.
Happy New Year.
Boss, are you alright?
Are you hurt?
Give me back the money!
Just return the capital.
We needn't give you a share of the money we won.
But you should give interest.
OK, just follow the bank's rule.
Cheap interest rate, 2.75.
2 million is divided by 365.
Just $25 is charged, keep the change.
Take one more.
You'd have done that earlier.
Any progress?
I have found that Judy Tong was suspicious.
I think she is having a secret.
And that Taior Lam...
He is a scumbag!
When I was trained in Scotland,
I have studied all the extraordinary precedents.
Including the murder case of the Eastern Express.
The murder case of River Nile.
The murder case from Fatal Attraction.
And the hidden corpse under the stove.
I have found out a principle.
What is it?
The most suspicious criminal is not the real murderer.
Shit!
I agree! 
It always happens in movies.
You can put it that way, the murderer may or may not know the victim.
He or she has the inclination of violence acting.
Maybe a money digger, or is greedy for money
As what you have said, the murderer may be you.
Men, arrest him.
Yes sir.
Are you crazy?
Sorry Sir.
It's just a theory.
By the way, you can't get any clue from Judy Tong's home.
See whether there're any argues between Wong and Taior in the office.
Maybe they have had quarrel in business which made him kill.
You said the most suspicious one isn't the murderer.
It's bullshit, why don't you go and check now?
Let me finish the most important thing first, OK?
Love you 360 years.
Damn it, you just forget about me!
Thank you.
Bitch and bastard.
Bitch and bastard.
I wanna kill!
Knife?
Counter attack!
Take a seat.
Thank you for your flowers.
I have boyfriend, you know that.
Although he is poor and selfish...
He is mean and old fashioned.
She doesn't mean it.
But he is my boyfriend.
I can't accept you.
Don't... 
Don't!
Don't
I will kill you bastard!
It's you!
It's you!
Actually, I mean...
I want to kill you.
Stop it!
What are you holding the knife for?
Drop it first.
Hold it, listen to me first.
I have tailed you for a long time
You come to look for this bitch!
Me?
Why are you still asking?
How dare you seduce my wife?
I am asking you!
Whom do you love?
It's just for fun.
Just for fun.
You are played by others.
You are bitch, and you are bitch too!
You bring me bad luck!
You want money, isn't it?
OK, it's just money!
Come on...
Hey, money!
What? 
You are paid, why don't you leave now?
You two...
OK, I am leaving!
Ah Man, Ah Man...
This is your home, where are you going to?
Yes, this is my home!
You two, leave here at once.
Leave!
Man, don't get angry, listen to me.
Wait for me downstairs.
I will give this bitch a good lesson.
Go, what do you want?
I won't give it a damn.
I warn you seriously!
Never see my wife again.
Or I will beat you! 
Got it?
She has gone, why do you keep on acting?
Don't you feel it funny?
We should act!
Don't you think my acting was good?
Poor!
Kidding? 
I got a prize in drama acting!
But you acted poorly.
How could you be courted by that woman?
She is nice and she always buy flowers from me.
So I date her when I'm free.
I can't tell she is a lesbian.
I can't tell it's her!
She is waiting for you.
Why don't you go now?
Go!
I will accompany you all day after this case, OK?
I have bought you something.
What is it?
Patterned socks.
Burn it.
Mr. Wong, good morning.
Good morning.
Mr. Wong, good morning, Mrs. Wong is not around.
I know.
There is an electricity cut inside.
Never mind, I just want to fetch a cup of water.
This is sent in this morning.
What's the matter?
Nothing, get out now.
There must be some problem with you.
Nothing to do with you!
Get lost.
Pay attention.
Don't light up with the lighter.
What does it mean?
It's brandy.
Boss.
Hello? 
Taior?
How is it?
How did you get my picture?
By camera.
I have waited for this chance for ages.
But I can't imagine you have courted this one.
I think the gossip magazines are interested in such pictures.
You bastard!
I don't mind.
What I want is money.
If you want the pictures back, come to my office at 7pm.
What do you want?
Fire Station, please.
What's the matter?
Here is Fire Station.
Who is this?
Are there any raincoat for sale?
Go buy it in department store, damn you!
Who are you scolding?
Who are you? 
You are so impolite!
Don't cut the line, hello...
Taior, you are going too far!
You will regret if you don't come.
Don't bother me from doing exercise, see you at 7.
Mr. Wong, what are you doing?
Drinking, I have told you.
You stepped on my food, pay it to me.
Miss, who are you looking for?
I have a date with Mr. Lam.
Follow me please.
Please come in.
Please.
I am so happy to see you.
Give me the file of the 1st 6 months, I won't listen to any calls.
Yes.
Take a seat.
Cut the crap, how much do you want for the pictures?
Don't misunderstand it.
I am not that rich!
But I won't be interested in 10 or more billions.
Don't you think I want to blackmail you?
Give me a price.
It's not good to talk money among good friends.
But I do want to give you money.
I have checked that your existing husband is a fake one.
I can kill him for you, but you don't have to take any responsibility.
And, I will give you 3 billion...
for the land in Wanchai.
You bastard! 
The land costs over 20 billions.
That's why I won't be interested in 10 billions.
I want 20 billions.
Damn you!
Don't scold me with foul language.
Which will damage your image as a pretty lesbian.
Bastard!
You!
What?
Let's sign the contract 3 days later.
Or, I will send your pictures to Portland St. and to the gossip magazines.
What are you looking?
Stealing?
No, there is a naked beauty.
I won't trust you.
Come and take a look.
I am afraid you'd attack me if I go near you.
Even if you don't go, I can attack you too.
What's the matter?
I was attacked by a man wearing a coat.
Go and chase after him.
Have you seen a man wearing a coat?
This way.
Thief!
What kind of noise is it?
I don't think so.
I will break his neck if I see him again.
Go that way, I will watch over here.
Wol...
Wolf! 
Help!
This way.
I changed my job, but why do you still bother me?
Arrest him!
Go, you bitch!
Give me back my teeth.
It's you! 
It's fashionable.
What is it?
Guess who wants to kill me?
Who is it?
Give me some hints.
It's him?
How dare you!
You could be run over!
How dare you give me JMP notes?
Do you think I am blind?
I will throw you to death!
Are you back?
Where have you been?
I am asking you!
I have been playing mahjong all night.
Where have I been?
Are you playing mahjong all night?
We played 16 rounds.
What's wrong with your husband?
There is something wrong with him.
You look so weird, where have you been?
What is this?
It's blood!
Did you kill?
B...
What's wrong with you?
I am making fun with you only.
The day after tomorrow will be the 7th anniversary of us.
I want to hold a party to celebrate it.
Do you agree?
Don't be angry.
Let me give you a kiss.
Hey!
You scared me.
Officer Lai, help yourself.
Do you know Lam was killed?
I do.
I am going to die, do you know that?
Yes, I do.
If you can't get the murderer, you'll die too.
I am quite confident to point out the murderer.
Who is it?
Don't be anxious, my feeling tells me that... there will be a result tonight.
The real murderer will show up tonight.
-Don't move.
-Put your hands on your head.
It's you!
Mr. Wong, I have something to talk to you.
I know what to do...
I am sorry, please go over there.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Please go over there.
You may talk now.
In fact, I want you to leave alone.
You should tell me earlier, I have my pride, you know?
Mr. Wong, take care of Judy.
What's wrong with her?
It's none of her business, nothing to do with her.
Tell me clearly.
I can't help telling you now.
In fact she...
Be frank, tell me!
Right, be frank and speak up.
I love this music.
Dance with me, come on.
Mr. Wong.
Hi.
We hold party every year, but this is the happiest one.
How do you feel?
Your feeling is most important.
It seems that you are not very happy.
What do you think?
There must be some reasons for one to do something.
I think, anybody do anything... there must be karma.
What's the reason of killing somebody?
Tell me, Judy!
Why don't you talk?
I am thinking that, if you were Million Wong... that would be very good.
You know I am fake?
I know it on the first day I met you.
You haven't answered my question.
Don't make me dislike you.
Million and I were not living happily in these years.
In these days, you recalled the sweet memory of ours.
We were poor in those days.
But, our love was true.
When he got rich, he loved fooling around.
And I...
I changed emotionally.
I hate being a woman.
I want to be a man.
To be a man whom can compete with him for women.
But when you came here, you made me feel like a woman again.
I don't want to know who you are.
I just want tonight... can you play your role whole-heartly tonight?
Hubby.
I want you to accompany me tonight.
Will you promise me?
I want some makeup.
You haven't finished.
Who are you suspecting to be the murderer?
I suspect it's Judy.
How come?
I was in the scene when Taior was killed.
I tailed Judy to the scene.
Although I didn't see her kill, there wasn't anybody around.
Why don't you tell me earlier?
Go ahead.
I don't know why.
Are you kidding?
Hold it, listen to me first.
Even if Judy did kill Taior,
I am sure she had her reason.
What reason?
She was the murderer!
But you are a cop.
Don't treat her as your wife.
Mr. Wong, long time no see.
Good morning...
I won't bother you, see you.
Tell me the rest that you know.
I think the murderer will kill again.
What?
To kill those who know the secret.
-Luckily I don't know any secret.
-You know it now.
I know it too.
There is another one...
Miss Ching!
Why don't you inform her now?
I will arrest her by all means.
Go now.
It's me.
You scared me.
Don't do that.
This is the most wonderful idea.
I have had masked.
The real murderer would be fainted once she looks at me.
I will arrest her right away.
Let me put on the mask.
Hello.
-What's wrong with this?
-You scared everyone!
They've seen the newspaper, you idiot!
What'll we do now?
Go up to Judy's room and watch.
You will get something! 
I am sure.
You mean reward?
Where is my gun?
To do such dangerous thing, you asked me to return your gun?
Don't you think I am idiot?
We should take revenge for Brother Taior.
He was killed by the Wong and his wife.
You should be careful.
Don't worry.
Please.
Please.
You have another boyfriend.
Don't come to me again.
It's a misunderstanding.
Maybe this is a modern dance.
Let's follow him.
Miss, may I?
Come here.
Miss Ching, it's very dangerous.
You are the wolf!
I changed many jobs because of you.
I can't escape from you even in this party!
This is fate!
OK, come and rape me.
It's a misunderstanding.
Come on... 
Just once, never bother me again!
Come and rape me!
Damn it!
The victim died so horribly!
Isn't it a heart attack?
What?
A person was shot dead by an arrow.
That's him.
Don't move, the cops are coming.
I watched Judy Tong upstairs.
She hasn't left her room.
We are trapped.
I hate being controlled by others.
I want to go my own way.
Judy, there won't be any good to you.
Don't bother me.
Judy
Leave now, I don't want to see you.
It's you!
I have picked the killing weapon and I want to hand it to you.
You should not hit so heavily!
Don't move!
Judy
Don't get mad!
I know you are the murderer.
Yes, I did all the cases.
Take back the gun.
Good job, you must be promoted.
How?
What do you think?
Let's calculate the salary first.
OK, just go ahead.
Go!
Give way please.
I am leaving, hubby.
What are you doing?
Do you know what had happened?
What happened?
The murderer is arrested.
I see, who is the murderer?
The murderer is...
Judy.
Before taking her away, you showed affection to each other.
She kissed your left armpit.
I know it, my cousin told me that.
It's totally wrong.
Totally wrong.
How dare you deny?
I won't.
But, she didn't kiss my left armpit.
Where did she kiss?
Ah Man, trust me, I love only you.
I am willing to take any punishment you offer.
Come on, punish me.
Come on... 
Come on.
I won't punish you.
Well, then I will punish you.
You are bad.
You hit me?
Come on.
Where did you get this?
You said you are willing to be punished by me.
Isn't it alright?
Are you scared?
I am really scared.
Are you willing to be kissed by others?
Dare you?
Loose me first.
What are you doing?
Bathing.
Come on, baby! 
Let's not waste any time.
Honey, come on over.
It's jamed.
Punish me.
Come on! 
Baby! 
Come on...
It's you!
You are nosy!
Ah Man! 
Ah Man!
You dragged Judy down.
What? 
Repeat once more.
I want to take revenge for Judy.
I can't hear clearly, repeat once more.
I want to take revenge for Judy.
Can you repeat again? 
I can't hear clearly.
Are you fooling me?
Do you want peeping?
Watch out!
How dare you!
I wanna kill you!
Damn it, how dare you stab me like this?
Do you mean it?
It's not stabbing, I am going to open you!
What are you staring?
I want to kill you!
Please don't!
None of my business.
I know!
You are over, it's my turn now.
Not exactly.
Thank you.
Don't you think I am useless.
I am cramping!
These are the dirty pictures of Judy and Ching.
Ching is not only a lesbian.
She is insane too.
She has an inclination of violence acting.
She wants to kill those who loves Judy and those who harmed Judy.
So she killed Million Wong first.
Then she killed Taior Lam.
Judy confessed the situation of that night.
You can't fall for that fake Million Wong.
I don't want to be controlled.
I want to go my own way.
About this fake Million Wong.
We can have bright future if only he is killed.
You are crazy.
Am I? 
It's you who has changed.
Wong hit you.
I will take revenge for you.
So I killed him.
It's you who killed Million?
So what? 
I killed Taior too.
I know it.
He took our dirty pictures to blackmail you.
Such rubbish.
Only a dead one would do no harm to us.
You done everything.
Why?
For you only.
I am now going to kill him.
I won't let you do so.
Are you falling for that man?
Get lost.
No, no...
That's why she wanted to kill me.
Ching wanted to kill me with the arrow.
Why Judy wanted to protect Ching?
She has deep affection with her.
So she took all responsibilities herself.
She is...
What? 
None of your business, you know?
Yes.
That's right.
You have done a great job.
You are assigned to another case, to be undercover again.
Are you kidding.
This is an order!
Is this an order?
You...
Be polite, call me Sir.
ICAC admitted that it was a mistake to charge against me.
I resume duty now.
Isn't it true?
Sure.
No big deal.
You may have the same rank as mine.
You are wrong, the head said that you always bully your subordinates.
You are suspended now.
So, before 1997, you will be bullied by us.
How dare you?
So what?
Stop it please, stop.
What are you doing? 
Hands off please.
Just leave them alone.
Chow Sing Sing, someone is looking for you.
Big Mouth!
It's you, Big Nose.
Are you fine?
What?
We are having a party tonight.
I have brought many girls with us.
What are you waiting for?
Bring some boys to join us.
Right, hurry up.
Fine, make it next time.
Enjoy yourself.
Fine!
Wait for me!

I know what I did probably looks like bad news... but I bet you would do the same if you were twelve... and your life was as screwed up as mine.
My dad was a bomber pilot in the war.
On one of his missions, he hit a hospital filled with kids.
It was an accident, but it really freaked him out.
That was three years ago, when I was in third grade.
Mom used to be for the war like Dad... but that all changed after she saw what it did to him.
Dad came back from the war and quit the military.
One night, he took me down to the gulf.
We collected driftwood and burned his uniform.
Dad said it was nothing but a killer's costume.
After that, he moved us from Texas to Key West.
In those days, he was drinking a lot.
But by spring... he started fasting and took a vow of silence.
Then one day, he just disappeared.
He wrote Mom and said he wasn't coming back.
I wrote him once to ask, "What about me?"
He didn't answer.
They're goin' to the friggin' moon.
Half my money goes to taxes... so they can blow away peasants in pajamas... and fly to the friggin' moon.
So, what do you say?
You want to replace Monica on stage or not?
I don't know.
I guess so.
Guess all you want.
Just let me know by tonight.
Well, so long, babe.
We're gonna miss your 38s, you know?
- Thanks for everything.
- Sure.
Maybe with your tits, I'll bill you as a 12-year-old.
You got a way with words, Connie. 
Let's go.
When Dad was with us, we lived in a house... and I had my own room.
These were the good old days... which Mom doesn't like me talking about.
If I do, she says "G.T.F."... which stands for "Going too far."
This is Mom's ladylike way of telling me to shut the fuck up.
Hi, Mom!
All you have to do is adjust the straps.
The thought of them touching me gives me the creeps.
You start making five times what you make bartending... and you won't mind them touching you so much.
I love you, Tracy, but it's time you faced facts.
As hard as you work, you still don't have enough... for a little house.
If you want a future for yourself and the kid... you're gonna have to bump and grind for it.
You're a tough lady, Monica.
I'm not tough. 
I'm practical.
Good morning, Termina.
You look pretty.
Thanks.
Good morning.
Yes.
Don't be late for the card flip, boss!
OK!
Termina, eat your sunflower seeds, please.
- Yeah, Termina.
- Shut up.
Hey, Snyder!
Come on!
It's OK!
Don't you say bye?
Not to you.
Mom and me stayed in Key West.
She took a night job being a bartender... to help pay the rent... but pretty soon, we had to move to the Eden House.
Mom was waitressing there... so the room only cost us twenty bucks a week.
One 25-pound bag of yellow onions...
I really dig Emmett, but the way he chain-smokes... he could drop dead like a fly at any second.
And if there's one thing I've learned... it's a total nightmare to love someone... and have them cut out on you.
It at least will come back with something... for the geologists to study.
I'll call you right back.
Armstrong and Aldrin will collect more than 100 pounds... of lunar material.
- Seen Mom?
- Not yet.
When you had a mom, did she used to work all night?
She only had time to sleep.
My father worked nights, though.
He was a bootlegger.
Would you mind putting the fish on ice?
French toast, pick up.
Swiss cheese omelet, pick up.
Wrong knife.
So, where's the little guy's mom?
Still at her night job.
She can't get her tables set on time... she gonna have to find another job.
Be nice to her for once.
She's finally getting her head together.
Oakley, pick up the fucking omelet, please!
Oakley!
Pick up this breakfast before it's lunch!
I'm just going to go set my tables and get my work done.
Hi, sweetheart.
Did you sleep good?
Better than you, I bet.
I'm sorry, honey.
I had to miss our breakfast.
I had some things to pick up after work.
I set your tables, so you better be getting to work.
You better get ready for school.
I am ready.
- You are not.
- Yes, I am.
No. 
Come on, put your jeans on.
My jeans are wrecked.
Well, then put on your green pants.
I outgrew those last year.
Now, I can't have you going to school looking like a bum.
I ain't no bum.
All right.
Come on back after school... and I'll sew your pants up for you.
I have food stand after school.
Not till 6:00, you don't.
If I'd been Dad, I'd have never left Mom.
My girlfriend Termina says Mom must be totally blown away... from Dad abandoning us.
Termina's one grade ahead of me.
When we get older, we plan on living together... so we can have orgasms.
Termina says orgasms are something adults get... after they fall in love... but Emmett says orgasms are what make people fall in love.
All Jetty says is I'll find out soon enough.
When I asked Mom what exactly an orgasm was... she said "G.T.F."
You ready to order?
Yeah, I'll take number two...
eggs over easy.
- Anything to drink?
- No, thank you.
Somebody please pick up on table nine!
More coffee?
What do you think...
cheese omelet or sliced fruit?
Well, how hungry are you?
Hungry. 
I been driving all night from Jacksonville.
Is that where you're from?
No, I'm from Washington, D.C.
You?
I'm from here.
Well, actually, I was born in El Paso... but I live here now.
No kidding.
I know a guy who played minor league ball in El Paso... the Sun Kings.
My daddy used to take me to those games.
God gave us baseball to make up for the industrial revolution.
I'll have the omelet and the sliced fruit.
You might have to wait for that omelet.
All right.
Make way. 
Coming through.
Hot stuff here.
Make way.
Had to start without you, boss.
Did you flip any of our singles yet?
Had to. 
Leaner won't come down.
I hit it twice.
Shoot. 
Make way. 
My turn.
- You cheated.
- Hey, take it easy.
It's only a game.
Put the knife away.
What's going on here?
Cruz just found this knife.
I'll bring it to the lost and found.
Cruz, the knife.
Bertrand, inside.
Come on, Chris. 
What do you think your father would say... if he was told about this?
Not much really.
He took a vow to silence.
He's a monk now.
Your father's a monk?
Yeah. 
He lives in a monastery north of Miami.
When was the last time you saw him?
About three years ago.
I was nine then.
What did he say?
You remember?
Yeah. 
He said that the purpose of life... is to love everything... even flies.
Chris, did your father ever consult with a psychiatrist?
What for?
He talks to God.
Tell me something about your mom.
Guys her age are always trying to nail her.
Nail her?
You don't know what that means? 
Nail her?
Yeah, I know what it means, Chris.
Does she work?
Very hard. 
We're trying to save up for a house... for when my dad gets back.
What kind of work?
She's a waitress and a bartender.
I got three jobs.
Hey, Chris... you like her very much, don't you?
Sometimes.
Anything else?
Yeah.
Tell me when you don't like her.
When she forgets she's a mom.
Look, Chris, I've enjoyed speaking to you.
Chris? 
And I think that it would probably be... a good idea if we did this again sometime.
What do you think?
Anything beats sitting around in class... with Smethurst the worst.
Hey, Chris, no more blades, OK?
OK.
- And send your buddy in here.
- OK.
You owe me one, Fidel.
Run, run!
Move, move, move!
Run, Tracy, run!
Run!
Go back, go back!
What?
Come on, Tracy!
Out!
You dumb son of a bitch!
Will you throw home?
Come on, Tracy!
Hi, smoothie.
I thought you said I was a hot dog.
My mom's team is playing like a bunch of bozos.
How about a smoothie?
- Sure.
- On the house.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
My boss is making me cut back on the fruit.
- How do you like it?
- Delicious.
Oh, please.
This is your first time in public?
Thought if you could wear this, we could go steady.
I just don't want all the other guys... thinking that you're not my girl.
Hey, ump!
Jetty, what the hell are you doing?
Come on, Oakley, move your omelets.
- Hi, honey.
- Hi, Mom.
- How's business?
- It's fine, I guess.
I'd like you to meet my friend Joe.
Joe, this is my son Christopher.
Hello, Christopher. 
Your mom's said nice things about you.
Yeah.
That's pretty much her job.
She's my mom.
Will you please step back?
I have to put the hatch down.
Well, hurry up so we can scoot, Chris.
OK.
I'll catch you later.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
Give me a break tonight, Chris.
You mean to start seeing that guy?
Maybe.
What happens when Dad comes back and catches you?
Catches me doing what, talking to another man?
Yeah.
Well, I don't think it'd be any worse... than having you catch me, do you?
Seriously, Mom.
I want to talk about this.
Honey, the reason your daddy and I got divorced... was he couldn't talk to me anymore.
I figured once I let him have the divorce... that I'd be allowed to talk to other men.
Well, Buggs and Termina's parents... didn't talk to each other for a year... and they got back together.
That's because they were only separated, Chris.
I mean, when you're divorced... it means you're just not interested in trying anymore.
Honey, we talked about this already.
Well, what's the point of getting married... when you can crap out any time you want?
Well, I guess there really isn't much point.
Come on, Rebel. 
Come on, boy.
- Bye.
- Come on.
Come on.
Oh, my God. 
You better get two.
OK.
Hey, Emmett, if Louis shows up... tell him me and Oakley went to catch Tracy's new act.
- What act?
- All right.
Oh, hi. 
I didn't see you.
Get it in the hole.
I'm getting it in the hole.
OK. 
Get it tight.
OK.
You up for a little nose action?
- Yeah.
- OK.
- Oh, boy.
- Steady.
Yep.
Oh, man.
Oh, monster.
And at one buck a "G," for free.
- Ready?
- Blast off, baby!
Great!
Isn't she great?
Tracy!
Tracy!
Turn 'em on, Trace!
Come on!
Oh, great.
I was real mad at Mom, but real sad, too.
What made Mom so crazy... that she'd put a song on the jukebox... and moon a bunch of drunks?
I hitched a ride with some lady on a Harley.
She told me to hang on tight.
Then she put my hands on her tits.
I kept them there, but didn't squeeze.
Thanks a lot.
It was all screwed up.
Deep down, I wanted just to bury my head on Mom's shoulder... forget about how we lived and why Dad was gone.
Hey, mister, could you give me a ride?
- Where do you want to go?
- North Miami.
OK, kid.
Thanks a lot.
Man is about to launch himself... on a trip to the moon... with the expectation of landing there... man going to the moon aboard that Saturn rocket.
The rocket will go...
will put the men into orbit... 115 miles above the earth... for one and a half orbits... and then the third stage will put them... on their way toward the moon.
- Excuse me.
- Yes.
I'm looking for a Lieutenant John Cross.
He's my dad.
I think you want to talk to the groundskeeper.
Groundskeeper?
He's usually in the vegetable garden... at this time of the day, so just go through the arch... and turn to the left.
You'll find him.
OK. 
Thanks.
Dad?
Dad?
Remember me?
Dad...
I need your help.
But you and I know her stripping's not right.
I only know one thing.
The kingdom of God lies within each of us.
When you experience that kingdom... then you'll know what to do and how to do it.
What does God have to do with this?
- Does your mom know you're here?
- No, sir.
The first thing to do is to contact her.
She's going to be worried.
She'll just be mostly mad.
Will you call her for me?
Son, I haven't spoken to your mother in three years.
I'm sure you'd get a lot further with her than I would.
Mom's coming to get me.
I'm going out with this girl that's a year older than me... and her brother's my best friend.
How old were you when you and Mom got married?
Well, that was my last year at Annapolis.
I must've been 22.
And you met at a party.
You were wearing your uniform.
She had her white dress on.
Right?
That's right.
And you were happy until you came back from 'Nam... and started drinking and having bad dreams.
I'll take this to the kitchen.
You sure are a great gardener, Dad.
Your mom's here.
I thought we could all go for a walk and talk.
I'm going to say good-bye to you here, son.
Don't you even want to say hello to her?
I'm afraid there's no point.
So, what you're saying, it's all right for her to dance... and me not to care for her.
I don't know how to instruct you.
I'm sorry.
Perhaps one day you'll understand.
Try to be of good cheer.
It's OK.
At least we had a chance to work in the garden together.
Where's Christopher?
He's looking for you at the chapel.
You quit drinking.
- 2 years, 31 days.
- A long time.
Has anything else changed?
Just about everything has changed.
Is this what you wanted?
Are you happy here?
It makes sense to me. 
Yes.
I don't want Chris to hate me.
He hangs on to you coming back.
He worships you.
Not anymore, he doesn't.
Well, thank God for that.
I'm sorry.
Shit.
Bet it's the carburetor.
It's always getting clogged.
What'd you and your dad talk about?
You must've talked about something.
Isn't that why you came all the way up here?
I wanted to see my dad, OK?
Why? 
What'd you think would happen?
Try starting it.
If you thought getting us all together again... would make things the way they used to be, Christopher...
I want you to get that out of your head right now.
Why? 
Why can't things be like before?
I want you and Dad to be back together.
No, you don't. 
You forget.
It wasn't any good when he came home... and it wouldn't be any good now.
It's better than this.
Better than you yelling at me.
Honey... sweetie, you got to stop fighting me on this.
I'm doing the best I can.
Stick with me, Chris.
I need you.
I'm starving.
I packed you a sandwich.
Oh, sweetheart.
When school ended for summer...
Buggs and me cooled out at the beach.
Mostly it was great just doing things together.
And after a year in the same class... as Smethurst the worst... what we needed to do was air out our heads.
The day before the countdown...
Buggs said we should try something... to help the astronauts have a safe mission.
We decided everything would be OK.
We closed our eyes and pictured a perfect flight... from blastoff to splashdown.
The scariest part for me... was thinking about being stuck on the moon.
Buggs said he'd miss his dad more than anyone.
I said Rebel.
But I really meant my mom.
Who put a shark in the tank in the first place?
Louis. 
He's eating all of Emmett's favorite fish.
So, what do we do if we catch him?
Put him back in the ocean.
Hey, you guys.
You're going to miss it.
Hey, I think "Dark Shadows" is on now.
Get away from there, Louis.
Louis.
T-minus 15 seconds.
Guidance is internal.
Twelve, eleven, ten, nine... ignition sequence start.
Six, five, four... three, two, one... zero.
- All right!
- Oh, God!
Liftoff. 
We have a liftoff, 32 minutes past the hour.
Yeah!
Boy, it looks good, Wally.
- Yeah!
- All right!
All right!
Roger.
You're loud and clear, Houston.
Houston, thrust is go.
All engines are looking good.
Grab the bow line!
Hey, Snyder!
What?
Gimme some fish!
He's drunk.
Always.
You gonna deliver these, or are you gonna screw around?
You know how my brother hates when you're late, now.
Snyder's a drunk, and Jetty's paying him.
You're gross!
Echo!
Echo!
Rebel!
There's some tarpon up here.
It's big!
Yeah. 
Eight-foot.
200 pounds.
Drop it, Rebel!
- This one's had it.
- Wait, look!
It looks like someone stitched it up. 
That's weird.
Watch all the guts come out.
Oh, my God. 
Turn around!
What? 
What is it?
Let's get out of here.
Come on, get out!
Let's go!
Termina told me what was in the fish is cocaine... the drug people snort up their noses... like they were pigs... and that turned them into sex maniacs.
She said Jetty and Snyder were just using me... so they could make money... and I could only get into trouble.
It really bummed me out that Jetty had lied to me.
When Termina asked me... what I was planning to do with the cocaine...
I said, "Throw it away."
"And the night before that, I dreamt I was a wigwam."
I heard this joke, Louis.
It's funny!
I'm not laughing yet.
How come you know every joke in the world?
'Cause you told me every joke.
I did not!
Did I tell you that joke?
Because he dreams about teepees.
I want to give you some change.
Don't sweat the small stuff, little guy.
Rebel ate one of the fish.
Doc says, "Relax. 
You're too tense."
What did you say?
What did you say?
Rebel ate one of the fish.
"Relax. 
You're 2 tents."
It is funny! 
Think about it.
Hey, Louis!
Louis, will you stow it?
Tell Tracy it's set-up time.
What do you mean?
What do you mean, what does she mean?
Get up there, and you tell your mother... to get her buns down here.
It's dinnertime.
- You got me?
- OK! 
Yeah!
God!
Mom.
You gotta wake up.
You need to go set up.
You feeling OK?
Yeah.
Must've had a bad dream, honey. 
That's all.
Would you give me my cigarettes?
You shouldn't smoke.
Oh, hush.
Mom, we need to talk.
Mom?
All right. 
Go on.
I'm going to splash some water on my face.
Give me a towel, honey.
You do look serious.
-Mr. a copy of Lenin's Testament 
-How did you asked!
-Printed letters of a printing drought in Leningrad (St.Petersburg)
-Stalin is too cruel ... and What role Zinobie here ..
-Zinobie?
-Do you think this could happen without the complicity of?
-Temporary maneuver!
Sergo, I guess you could ...
Maybe you could persuade the members Congress to get rid of: 
Zinobie
Find a replacement! 
A Communist good, eye-catching personality
But ... who?
-Kirov?
-Kirov?
-Have you worked with him in the Caucasus?
-Yes, she knows how to move things.
-A good man, the world is like! 
Read books, likes music, a good friend.
-Very good Sergo, very good! 
Why not me 
-I thought it about it? 
Very good.
-Tov.Kirov!
-Com. 
Kirov!
-Tovarsi!
-Good to see you!
-You killed you Inns?
-From a single fire!
What distance?
-10 Meters
-Wait, wait ... were you at 10 that?
-I believe that ... who would do that?
You could do it?
You do you not?
-You go to Leningrad to it replaces Zinobie! 
Go and Sergo and Gagaovici
I rely on you!
10 feet !
Shot that from 10 meters Zigoda
10 feet who could believe this?
You have to admire a man like this, and to supervise
Go to Leningrad and be watching they. 
The customized on it, especially the Kirov
My parents, my brother Vasily and I, was on my way south to house winter
And stopped in every state, the father can muscles show party local authorities
Convened there Regional party boss
Lavreti Beria
-What to do?
-Yields have been good ... 
I fields seen from the train
-The state required peasants to work for the good townspeople!
-There is trouble in my district!
-But grain is not delivered, why?
-That 's because the peasants were told that if prices are expected to get better
To become rich at the expense others who he said that, who?
-Com. 
Stalin, I'm not sure that you understand the situation!
-The state offers low prices, unreasonable!
Party officials do not understand peasantry, come to villages threatening
Peasants complain that the then NDA Buy grain not receive anything in return!
-There is nothing for them to buy!
I asked, what to do and I You gave answers? 
NOT only complaints
You gave me a solution, not so I give you a mine:
You will begin selling all provisory Wheat in existing ppreturile
Whoever refuses, it will be confiscated grain!
-You bring everyone you poune in before the law based on art.107 of the Penal Code
What you must remember contain severe penalties, for any type of speculation
They are indicative of your, this measures will be applied to all your U.R.S.S.
Thanks for your ideas!
80% of the population were farmers who lived in remote areas and isolated from the control of the party
For dad, it represent a real danger
Those that could not control them could later become foes
And you could cut your throat when you barbiere are, or you drown in a pit.
-I have children, understand me!
-Comrade, please!
Lavrenty Beria, entered the house Our first date for that year!
-Zvidana I had to see him often, always, I'm scared!
-It 's a pervert!
-Beria?
-Sergo, met in Georgia, even before becoming party chief
He kidnapped a girl, one raped her, forced her to marry him
Lead by around one ever sees she loves and says: 
Bring thio here!
Then he says: "If you do not want to be something happen to you or your family ... "
-Sergo, he hates! 
-Why not Joseph says something? 
-He said
-And your husband said, "See your own business "just
A talk I with him
-Declare war on the peasants, forcing them to give up their own land
And collective farms to move to state Already they hoard seeds you go
-There will be famine!
-Bukharin're too bland!
-There are reports that some villagers have been shot, without trial, thousands are sent to LAGRA: 
Why?
You have to starve to feed the country for cities? 
Politburo's never agree
-I know everyone's position 
-But Lenin, Lenin always said that the party must debate
-Do not try to bring him to Lenin in Lenin that Bukharin guy
-I 'm going back to Moscow
What happens to Nikolai?
-Joseph not to stand against anyone cushion
-As you know Trosky sent into exile not forgive, not Remember, Sena does not trust anyone, not even Sergei
Sergi, mine? 
The oldest Friend, you imaginzi things
He hates his own son: 
James, you humiliate, not single people are creatures of his close
This evil pervert Beria, not coming here again
Gaganovici Molotov or Rosilov them.
-He loves you!
-That one is ...
-James
-What happened? 
-He wants to married, do not leave.
-Why? 
Who? 
Jewish-And-E?
-So? 
Want to marry a Jewish
-How can you say that?
-How do you feel that?
-Bring a doctor, fetch a doctor and take Vasily it on here
-Stupid, not even to shoot I able
James survived, but my mother's soul was hurt
-Nadia? 
What is in Leningrad? 
-I left!
-Nadita not understand!
-No, you do not understand!
-I see, Of course I understand
Want to call us?
Not yet, no!
You had an argument?
He became suspicious of all the world is vicious and cruel!
May have some time heavy Koba! 
Not Koba, e Stalin (Steel)
Of course it's Stalin, should be Where Stalin as Russia if not Stalin!
E, is wrong with you? 
S good to others, you said many times that he likes children
-E else?
-I
- No, of course not, it loads all the selfishness pb peasants, saboteurs ... country is in crisis needs you
-Sergei! 
-Don 't can desert her husband
-Are you tired, stay here a few days 
-Okay, well you call me explain to you're tired ...
-You need time Nadia, think carefully and calmly
-If not come back, what will happen to him?
-With each of us!
-You wife of Comrade Stalin 
-You Children's
You do not understand, there are an average person 
-Probably ingrijprat it you do not know where you are
-Hello?
's OK!
-It 's your husband wants to talk to you!
-Koba, comes
-If you go to Moscow, says Comrade Stalin's what happens
Tell him that we took all the land, all food, all life
We sent away, comrade Stalin does not know
Tell him, tell Comrade Stalin
-Beria, no bother your wife, i stay on track 
-You say that's a wonderful dancer, telling it to show us
-Don 'opri.canta, sing!
-Nadia, hope you come 
-So you back, uh, uh
-I have a message for you 
-My wife delivers messages!
-From an old woman 
-My wife delivers messages from the old woman
-The train stopped at a station, on one side was a scary train, wagons full of people deported
Dead bodies thrown himself, a station, many others are?
A woman running at me and begging me tell Stalin, Stalin's great that people are dying of hunger
If only they knew the great Stalin, and would save people but here you celebrate the 15th anniversary of the revolution
Comrade Stalin and his friends feeding while starving his people
-For that was the revolution?
-Sing, sing!
-I 'm so calm!
-I loved the Seine, I loved! 
... 
Not forgive me Never one to punish me, punish everyone
-Maybe you should go for a while 
-Where, where Stalin's wife can go?
A die of hunger, or a camp so I send in a a camp
-No, I would do that!
-No, you think Nuuuuu?
A talk I with him 
-No, just watch
-Protect yourself, take care
-You go somewhere, you're right 
-I will go with you-NO
-We are friends, but you have to go only, to go alone, just leave
-You are right
-You take care of everyone but I'm gone!
-Depends on you for that
Sena, I love you!
Koba, Koba!
-Cover -a.
-I He told Nadia to let empty inside
-Deasta not come to imormantare?
-My friend has buried heart today!
Heart-He buried his heart with a lying country known to have died of appendicitis
-Yeah, baby, yeah killed a, yes killing millions in the country and give our eyes are closed
-Who are we, what are we now?
Why have you betrayed? 
Why?
Tatl my hunger called and sold in a fairy tale grain to other countries would have save his own people
He used the money to our country of peasants industralizeze day and night, people were forced to make our country great
Stalin greatest!
All I knew was that my mother was dead for 2 years And we missed it
-Wake up, wake up Sleepyhead them!
-Wake up-Hey, why not me servant brings tea? 
Why?
-E went to a wedding!
-You got it!
-Thanks!
-Not just us who we feel threatened, is the world!
We need a strategy new, must unite the world!
-Are you an idealist so Bucharin!
-Where is the bride? 
This is for the bride!
-Ana Mikalovna 
-For years waiting to be old enough to drink it.
-Thanks Uncle Sergei-and this is pt.tine Nikolai! 
What, what is it, a fox!
I had this creature in baatia deserted, but he looked right in my eyes
Here is a renaissance said, would I need to take as a gift
-If he was dead enough 
-Yes ... as you have won the girl!
-I I I won him, and it was not easy, I pretended to be younger than him
So I will make a toast now!
-Nikolai, gentle and beloved husband, who believes in the good of the people, for good 
-To Nikolai
-Another guest
-Bucharin, congratulations, I Forgot Congratulations!
-Daddy!
You thought Nikolay to marry her, and Stalin not know! 
Nikolay, Nikolay!
It amazes me again with all you love Nikolai, loves Stalin, Lenin loved
Girlfriend, my girlfriend Nadia, loved it!
It's not right?
The beautiful bride, and will wish to both the greatest happiness!
Kirov, I want to talk
Should we go to Leningrad? 
-To what? 
-There are people who want your head, believe me!
-People that I suspect not, believe me!
People raised on you!
-Have you placed a man of yours in Leningrad? 
-The Central Committee
-Central Committee without consult me sent a man to the NKVD (KGB) in Leningrad
Would have a deputy, can 2 people 
-Thanks comrade. 
Stalin must go back to Leningrad
Kirov was a popular man, people were returning against Dad and saw Kirov their best chance of rescue
My father knew a
Yes yes! 
Um time!
-E Stalin!
That summer my dad reorganized national security
And appointed chief Yagoda
Dad had many homes, but one in which most was sitting next to Moscow
It was a fortress, with walls and guards, my father started to spend most of their time behind ac.ziduri
-Charlie Chaplin Yagoda, Charlie Chaplin!
Each film had seen in Russia be approved personally by the father
He loved most American films, musicals, movies mafia, comedy
Charlie Chaplin was his favorite
-The material prepared gentlemen?
-Yes, Koba!
-You can go, that's not interesting Svetlana!
-And how to go back without me?
-Oh, no you worry about me. 
Dad, go, go!
-L I met comrade. 
Kirov last night ... a very popular not?
-Is-You worked together in Leningrad-Yes
-It is a charismatic leader, always exceptional, and always insistent decisive 
-Yes
Do you think it's aware of that?
-Aware of what Comrade Stalin?
-The conspiracy was it make him general secretary in my place!
-It is difficult to know comrade. 
Stalin 
-It 's your job to know!
-Get in the car comrade. 
Kirov, even fire curtains, for safety
-For safety buddy, I got you
-Com. 
Medved, NKVD
-You were responsible for security comrade, Kirov?
-Yes, tov.Stalin!
-Com. 
Nikolai, why, it You killed the comrade. 
Kirov, why?
-I, I ... 
-Do not lie, do not you can lie on comrade. 
Stalin!
-Do not have acted alone, so who you helped?
-Comrade Yagoda
-No, no, not him You never saw comrade. 
Yagoda before today!
Never-l You never saw comrade. 
Yagoda before today, is this true?
-Else you hired to kill comrade.
Kirov Zinobie one of his men, correct?
-But, do you remember who ..
need help to remember!
Wife and mother are arrested not want to be free?
But what you have to remember me?
-What did you say: names, places all what you think!
-Get confession from him!
Grisham-Come, come with me!
First Kirov is killed by a murderer staff that acted alone!
-Now I say it's probably a conspiracy - it was a conspiracy-Whose?
-E as the burning Reichstag, do even blame the Nazis and communists
-What?
"Why not come to me?
-Fox has her mind, even a red
Has now become a murder him criticisms father or his policies became treason
-Bukharin and my daughter, beautiful his wife and ... fox
He called fox-Grisham, your name Zinoviev 
-It is a common name!
-Yes of course!
But Bukharin and allow the fox named after you!
Admit it!
-Maybe .... but not me said never-Admit it!
-Yes-Yes, he called fox for you
-Yes, Bukharin and fox named after me!
See, it's easy to tell the truth, so you what all i remember comrade. 
Yogoda and Yezov?
-Are too good to you?
Koba let me tell you of our common experience the police Tsar was mild compared to ...
-Where is the Tsar now?
-Koba us know, we fought side by side in the old regime!
I fought side by side with you 
-Under the leadership of Lenin himself
-How do you think you conspired with Trosky, to kill comrade. 
Kirov
-Traitor!
However, tell us how Comrades Zinobie, Kamenev ...
Together with Trosky ...
How do you find these 'confessions', as were obtained?
-You can say Koba Can not understand law!
-Highly important crimes ... among children
-Children 12 and over are subject to all measures punishments criminals, including
-Including death, including death
-Tell tov.Kamenev about evidence against son
Your son was under surveillance, near Vila comrade Stalin near Moscow
-Trying to kill Stalin-Can, is only 14 years
-Evidence-Inventions-Evidence 
-My son never ...
How can you ask us to say that Yachim was Hitler, who would believe that?
-Anyone hear or read your confession, and everyone in the world will hear, read and think!
Showtime
You have to be closed
Wagons full of comrade.
old that you want? 
Gheizov ..
-If we agree, promise or Another old comrade will not be executed!
Their families will pati-nothing Family, is important
-And as our lives!
Of course, if you sign!
-Koba
He said that our family does not will suffer, we said, promised ....
-We have been promised life if you confess
Tov.Stalin has revoked the promise
-Shut up!
-Be brave, that man aratele were you when I was with Lenin
-It is impossible-I killed ... and I said
To keep one. 
Toast for. 
Nikita Nikita Khrushchev new head of Moscow!
You beat a long way from Ukraine, Nikita for you!
-For Nikita!
Show hands again !
..., dirt under nails will come to believe that Stalin's mass comes from mud under nails
-How bad!
-Coming from the field!
-Look ac.domni you to have clean hands and manechiura done, look
These hands do not work, hands These are the hands of a gentleman, raise your nails
-All the hands of the Lord and looked, peasant origin, Nikita
-For Nikita!
-For Nikita!
-Do it on the other, on the other, Zinobie take him on again!
-I am surprised that you have not seen their execution, Zinobie and Karmeniev!
-M very happy!
-Oh, I do not have what it takes!
-N would be the first execution I assisted-No, but you're still a pharmacist
You are good to do poisons, death slow, plots, conspiracies, to assist!
Yezou will replace Take them back to Moscow!
-Fucking bastard ... will come and your turn
-Hany, Hany: 
Kamenev and Zinoviev, were shot
Not only them .. and I heard a rumor, I was involved and me! 
-What?
-How can it?
-In these days all is possible!
Com. 
Old grudges, one after altulti comrade., and involve other and trying to save
-If Lenin would have lived 
-Sss, watch
-Yes, yes, all these strange things that I have have happened, he knows I understand why he was killed Kirov
I saw the empire or a table conspirators accused of conspiracy around the world
-Mandate evacuation of an hour!
-But, how can my books, work my wife, our baby
These are orders my outside ... one time!
-Hello?
-Nikolai, what are you doing?
-Are you there, I am Koba, how things 
-Are released!
-House is full of soldiers 
-Well, give him the fuck out!
-Put your phone now mn their boss! 
-For you, tov.Stalin!
-Hello, who gave you orders those, who, who? 
-Com. 
Yezov!
-Com. 
Yezov? 
Com. 
Yezov is an idiot, get from there, go now, out, out!
-You say that Stalin has Yezov sense of humor?
-I came to drink with your husband?
-You wait!
You gave flowers to the grave Nadi, yesterday? 
-Give Thanks
-For you, open a!
-Nikolai Bukharin is an enemy of the people, so no one of us is nesuspicios
-Yes ... yes .... yes
-You know what happens?
-No?
-I thought so, they are Dangerous times Sergo
-We become stronger, hell Our enemies can not accept something
Enemy agents infiltrated everywhere, including on high position, doing its best to destroy our economy
And wanted to pursue it after Stalin's murder of Kirov's assassination
-We need your help Sergo 
-Il's
-I want to declare against Bukharin!
-Bukharin?
-Yes to oppose him, using the Sena against Analarina, you are in a knot a rope, Bukharin trusts you
A davada of your friendship by Stalin State proves your loyalty
-You want me to renounce the Bukharin, as you can judge him and shoot him, why go through all this?
Do it simply, our great leader defends Soviet people, Look!
-Do it you! 
Shoot Bukharin yourself on!
Have the courage! 
-Put it down, I seen guns, I'm not scared!
-Put it down!
-So it will denounce the Bukharin-No
-When your own brother you He denounced you?
Sergo brother confessed to you, you gave order as Commissioner of heavy industry
For acts of sabotage and smuggling is a fact
-My brother confessed?
-I have to admit, there have been too many accidents, too many
You let my brother being beaten, tortured, Bring him to Moscow, I want to see you both!
-Too late!
-Too late?
-Too late 
-Bastard!
A kill us all! 
-Sergo, Sergo, not no, no tov.Stalin shoot him!
If you do as a country in chaos, would invade fascists would take country and you go down in history as the man who betrayed Russia
And people ... people you would Ask yourself why did you kill
Everyone who wears your name family will be torn to pieces
I will eat your heart, you will drink blood No, do not you shoot tov.Stalin
-I think you'll shoot yourself!
And we will call a heart attack ... the comrade.
Argenichitze occurred following his exhausting work!
Hero of Soviet Union: 
The May the glorious dead
And we will bury you with all honors
Near the Kremlin walls, near Lenin's tomb
Nobody will ever find that You betrayed the party and country!
And your family should be saved, honored this promise
-Promise? 
-S all Sergo you have left!
-Wait, you were a seminar you recognize words
Chair when they sinned as I have dark trial and suffering soul with guile as
-E in the Book of Job
The power of God, perished in breath of His nostrils they are consumed
Dad, he kept the word of the day this, Sergo imormantarea received a hero
His ashes were deposited into the wall Kremlin and escaped unharmed Sena
-Dad 
-Since my daughter has become leads the door?
-Com. leads the doors! 
Where did that dress?
-It 's too short! 
Cover your knees!
And look at your feet ... is empty Change your dress, when you go to cmparaturi !
-You were at his imormantarea Sergo, why? 
-It felt good!
-A to call a doctor!
-Koba, say something, do not bother!
Gonna lose you too, so Take care, Sergo, had!
-Tough life!
-Yes, we take a flight, as on a branch pasariele
-As a branch pasariele on ... sorry me is an old woman not understand anything
-So how is it that suddenly you have a lot of enemies?
-Olga!
There are people I know of one life, are army officers, party members loyal
-Friends, heroes of the civil war, what happens, what happens? 
Why these people die? 
Can you tell?
-And why everyone who knew my daughter, everyone who loved Nadia
Disappear, are arrested, who's destroy, are you?
-For God!
What we will arrest them all?
-Yes, why not?
-Koba ... shut up woman, shut up?
Why shut-up? 
I said you had said. 
Now, let him to kill me and me
You duso on my face to suicide, committed suicide because of you
It's much better now, you look much, much more well is much better, tov.menajera!
My Princess!
-Accused Bukharin!
-Accused Bukharin, you heard the testimonies of others witnesses that was part of conspiracy dintr0o
Under the great traitor Trosky, to overthrow the Soviet regime
For this purpose, numerous acts of terrorism, have were committed including the assassination of Sergei Kirov
And even a plan assassinate him tov.Stalin
What miserable bunch of traitors!
I heard in the office: what miserable bunch of traitors!
Confession is good for their souls
-And now Bukharin
The highlight of our game
We all heard what you did, you talked with him, a plot to kill Sergei Kirov
-I I can not imagine why he said that there was also a discussion
-I know nothing about any scheme-kill the Kirov
-Not did you do to give, how could you fail?
-Korol, Korol said you said ...
You had months and months ...
-Get it on my hand for a night, it was a are to confess it's the King of England
-I have done my duty, I did everything you asked, even my own deputy, myself busy mother of his
-Officials, commanded you, plotting against Stalin, and you assume you're not involved?
-Involved in what? 
Yourself you did kill them operators of power to get new people
-Yes, yes monster, but want to tell me you left delibert people to be persecuted, killed
-What did you do Yezov? 
How could you pay for your terrible crimes?
-To Com. 
Stalin!
-I beg to spare my wife and child
On March 12, 1938, without warning, the military German crossed the border with Austria
There was just a total invasion test And Hitler triumphantly entered in Vienna!
-Abnormal development-think? 
Not know ... gotta admire Hitler stuie wants and not afraid to get it
-I scare the British and French but not on Comrade Stalin
-It is a fascist, wants to destroy us, one always says 
-There are a lot of things you do with all
-I think now Hitle looked eastward, and says: 
That is Stalin, can work with it
-So it arranged?
-I am personally concerned
-A z5s something? 
-He required to give you that!
-Koba, why you needed of my death, why?
-What you know about Trosky, as we to slip through your fingers?
-E in Mexico City, and that house was turned into a fortress
-Why do not you get rid of it?
Jacob grew to SC. military and joined the army all in a vain attempt to win approval of the father
-You have a niece!
-You want to become a gunner!
-Yes, do you mind if I call?
-I hope you do not dust our lines!
-I will do my duty!
-The full length of the central comandamentu
Lieutenant like you can order division
-I will do whatever is asked of me!
-James!
-So what is the situation here?
Germans attack all
-Panzerele (tanks) them, we lines were broken, they control the skies aviation
I lost 1000 planes apropare -1000, How can that be?
-Most was destroyed ala ground 
-On the ground?
-Despite warnings and recommendations were left on the ground in paragraphs into lines
-No, counterattack: here, here, here, here and here!
-You do not understand the situation, our front collapses, retreat to try to avoid to be captured
-No catch, no withdrawal without teaching, attack! 
Beeeeria! 
Beria!
-Bring the troops of the Security, shoot anyone who tries to pull
-Shoot our people?
-Yes and I will shoot you too stupid inconpetent!
-Koba! 
How can you say that? 
Who killed the best of our generals?
40,000 of our finest officers called them enemies of the people, he shot
Who trusted Hitler?
Who said that we will attack?
Voroshilov? 
Nu.Ai was you. 
Was it you!
Comrade!
Koba!
Koba!
The past 10 days
We are waiting on you, no one can do nothing without you
Koba, we love you!
I call on you!
Comrade Stalin!
Save us!
Save Us tovarare! 
Save us!
Klim!
-I could kill!
- How can? 
No Stalin's orders!
Comrades, citizens, brothers and sisters
We are united in a patriotic war against an enemy that trying to make people
-Your son ... 
Jacob was taken prisoner
The slaves of the Germans!
I resist, and we will annihilate the enemy!
We will show no mercy Hitler will go the way of Napoleon
To defeat, to despair
And to his death
-N I have no son named Jacob
No
What do I expect?
Only I saw my dad during the war
When he learned that James was killed when evadeza try a German camp
It never told me Germans came to the gates of Moscow
And surrounded Stalingrad When finally I sent back
27 million of us died
Only at the end of the war, the imormantarea grandfather, my father again reviewed
It was the first time the family We met after years of good
-At least Sergei knew! 
I did everything I could: the best doctors
Died of silence, not cancer
-Si the closed mouth while his friends, his companions were imprisoned, killed
-You your mouth shut! 
What did you old bitch?
-Look Go to my son, generally, I believe it You can stay on your own feet Vasily
-And you Svetlana? 
Not use that as an excuse to bring your husband around Jew by
What iai learn? 
You made my son a drunk! 
And ... my daughter really need to say ...
-What could I expect? 
You You taught his daughter to be her loyal husband ?
And you tried to turn him against me! 
Sergei, but he knew me!
Sergei I knew
On drunk, put him in jail a time, wake him curse My family ... you are!
Soviet Ukrainian thank our great liberator tov.Stalin
The best friend of all children!
Soviet bielorusieni thanks great Our leader: geniulul tov.Stalin pt. victory
No, thanks comrade. 
Stalin for a victory We all know that Stalin did not beat the Germans
-Tovarare, to be serious
No, thanks tov.Stalin for our victory!
Our thanks go to the great Russian people
Your victory is a statement to the world the Russian people believe in a better future
And it's ready to sacriificile necessary to obtain large building ...
In the winter of 1950 father sent for me
I hear you leave And as the memory is suspicious of everyone around him
Now he wants to see me, and pt. first time his nephew: 
Joseph
-Go Go to Grandpa!
-His eyes are a Jew
-Look who is man?
-Someone who ensure that everything is okay!
-It puts so many questions!
-Why?
-Because they are things that need to know 
-Why?
-Why, why Why, why, why?
A real Jew, a? 
Ha, haha
Car-always something, for squirrels, see?
-Look, it feeds you, keep a so! 
Nurtures it, feeds it!
Why you look-that?
-I want to release Anna Bucharin!
-It is a beautiful red-tailed, right?
Do not touch a bite!
-Mind your own business, you have the slightest idea of what you talking about? 
-Is harmless!
-What you know about harmless, what the hell knew?
-I know people disappear ... again
-Enemies ... take your mother speaks
-N have no connection with the Soviet Union Enemies ...
-Grandpa's cute!
For a man your age, have a remarkable constitution
It is said that men from the Caucasus, they say that is, I can ride a horse, or a woman
But still, you had problems with balances
Blood pressure and ...
is dangerously high
What you recommend?
-As little work as possible!
-Fruits, vegetables, vitamin injections!
-No injections!
-O to write a prescription 
-No recipe, my own cure!
-Go, not work, rest you, not what was said and Lenin?
-Thanks Gutterman, you can go now!
-Taste-a Lavrenty (beer)!
-I do not like soup!
-Taste a!
-How is your dad spends time with a bunch of old people boring?
-Where you going?
-Home
-No, I stay, I promise I will become interesant.Ia place!
-Have you eaten? 
Lavrenty ... have fun
Fun at the expense of Nikita!
-Dance Nikita!
-Oh no! 
-Dance!
-Do not be shy, dancing 
-Come on, we know you're very good
-Lavrenty not stay here!
-Let me me drew breath
-I aged!
-No, no!
-No, no, no, no, to live forever!
-Yes, It may be necessary!
Who would come after Stalin? 
Who may follow after Stalin?
-None of you deserve, so I will get rid of all of you
-Soup they eat ... is poisoned
You can see that I have not touched mine
-Dad 
-Kidding, Koba ....
-No, no ...
-You must kidding
-Now you see ... fun
-You all ... what do you think s would happen?
Without Stalin!
Svetlana ..... 
Come!
Come here! 
Close the door! 
Come Here!
I loved your mother! 
Beautiful!
She was silly, she does not understand sitautia What happened, what to do
He heard of some people And turned against me
He became my enemy
And then I betrayed Suicide
You killed yourself! 
... 
To start plotting against me ... why
-It was your fault ... you has cost
You just like her ... 
listen to my enemies they're full of venom, as has also
So how did she leave You turn against me
I know who I am, and a to have great care of them
You do not know what you think: 
I know Stalin knows ... 
I know what you think
What are you ... who you know fuck all
-Get out!
-Dad
-This is a picture for you!
-Thanks!
-Too bad he died
..... 
My time has come .......
Here's a piece
Come with us, please!
-Are you a doctor, right? 
Well catch her hands properly
-I 'm sorry ...
-Bleeding in the brain ... not ...
maybe ... ... 
Please
-Let him to suffer!
-Asshole fucking
-I You asked ... why Beria expected to call one days until the doctor?
-If m I asked?
-We try to take power will be as bad as before
-You said it bad-I said
-You said, right? 
But what will said after Stalin died?
-About what?
-Its crimes!
What crimes?
-Millions ...
-Nikita, you're too sentimental, talking too much, who are we to judge him by Stalin?
-Without it we would have a Tier 2 country, now look at us
Controlled half of Europe, all China, We have the atomic bomb
Order will be honored without Stalin We would have taken 20 years plus
-I believe that
-No purges, arrests, murders ...
Without Stalin, I could be a big country
-How to History asked Stalin?
-Dad? 
Dad?
-Stop you please ... not see that he died?
Without you all the tar is lost
At 3 months after the death of Stalin, Lavrenty Beria was executed by his former associates
3 years later, Nikita Khrushchev began the public to reveal the nature and extent of Stalin's crimes
Svetlana Alliluyeva is alive and lives in England (1992)
Iosiv Stalin's crimes have caused the deaths of tens of million (approximately 50) of Soviet citizens (and others)
ENDING

In 1899, the streets of New York City... echoed with the voices of newsies... peddling the newspapers of Joseph Pulitzer, William Randolph Hearst... and other giants of the newspaper world.
On every corner, you saw 'em carrying'the banner, bringin'you the news for a penny a pape.
Poor orphans and runaways, the newsies were a ragged army without a leader.
Until one day, all that changed.
Boots!
- Oh, gee.
- Skittery. 
Skittery. 
Skittery!
- I didn't do it.
- What do you mean?
Get up. 
When you get up, you have to get up!
Snitch. 
Get up.
C'mon, everybody's sleepin'.
They sleep, sleep.
They sleep their life away, these kids.
The ink is wet.
The presses are rollin'!
Sell a pape!
Sell a pape!
Hey!
Hey, Cowboy. 
Hey, Cowboy, you dreamin' about sellin' papers?
Hey, hey, hey.
- Don't wanna.
What's the matter with you?
- With me?
- What's the matter with you?
- What's the matter with you?
- Get off my back. 
Hey, go away from me.
- Come on!
- You're mad!
- Hey, kid.
Get up, boy.
Come on, come on.
Carry your banner.
Sell the papers!
Sell the papers. 
What are you doin'?
Sell the papers.
Everybody, what are ya doin'?
Hey, bummers we got work to do
Since when did you become me mudder
- So, how'd you sleep, Jack?
- On me back, Mush.
Did you hear that, fellas.
Hear what Jack said?
I asked Jack how he slept and he said, "On me back, Mush."
Hey, Jack, when I walk, does it look like I'm fakin' it?
- No. 
Who says you're fakin' it?
- I don't know.
It's just, there's so many fake crips on the street today, a real crip ain't got a chance.
I gotta find a new selling' spot where they ain't used to seeing me.
Try Bottle Alley or the harbor
Try Central Park it's guaranteed
Try any banker, bum or barber
They almost all knows how to read
Met this girl last night
Carrying the banner through it all
Carrying the banner tough and tall
Every mornin' we goes where we wishes
We's as free as fishes sure beats washing' dishes
Carrying the banner home-free all
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
Whoo!
Move it! 
Go! 
Go!
C'mon, c'mon. 
Hurry up!
C'mon, c'mon.
Hurry up!
Get the lead outta your pants.
C'mon, move it.
Go, go, go!
Hurry!
Go, go, go!
Summer stinks and winter's waiting
Boy, ain't nature fascinatin'
Carrying the banner with me chums
Blowin' every nickel as it comes
Sittin' makes me antsy I likes living' chancy
Harlem to Delancey what a fine life
Carrying the banner through the slums
Though you wander lost and depraved
I hate the headline I'll make up a headline
And I'll say anything I hafta
'Cause it's two for a penny if I take too many
Weasel just makes me eat 'em afta
Look, they're putting up the headline You call that a headline
I get better stories from the copper on the beat
I was gonna start with 20 but a dozen'll be plenty
Tell me, how I'm gonna make ends meet
We need a good assassination
We need an earthquake or a war
How 'bout a crooked politician
Hey, stupid that ain't news no more
Uptown to Grand Central Station
We improves our circulation
So, we'll be out there carrying the banner man to man
Oh, we'll be out there soaking' every sucker that we can
See the headlines Newsies on a mission
Kill the competition Sell the next edition
While we're out there carrying the banner is the...
Dear me.
What is that unpleasant aroma?
I fear the sewer may have backed up during the night.
- Too rotten to be the sewer.
- Yeah, yeah.
It must be the Delancey brudders.
Hiya, boys.
In the back, you lousy shrimp.
That's not good to do that, not healthy.
You shouldn't be callin' people lousy shrimps, Oscar, unless you're referring to the family resemblance in your brudder here.
Five-to-one the cowboy skunks 'em.
Who's betting'?
Nah! 
Bum odds.
That's right, it's an insult.
So is this.
- Cowboy, look out!
- Where'd Cowboy go?
There he goes!
Where is he?
Atta boy!
What do you think you're doing?
Runnin'!
Carrying the banner through it all
Thank you.
Thank you.
See the headlines Newsies on a mission
Kill the competition Sell the next edition
What a fine life carrying the banner
- lt's a fine life carrying the banner
- lt's a fine life carrying the banner
- It's a fine life carrying the banner
- It's a fine life carrying the banner
"Dese" is for the newsies.
Brilliant performance, Jackie, brilliant!
- Better than yesterday's.
- You're too kind to me.
- We'll play again tomorrow, Cowboy.
- That'd be nice.
You're late, boys.
You're as good as dead, Cowboy.
Mr. Weasel.
- All right, all right!
- Hold your horses.
I'm comin'.
Did ya miss me, Weasel?
Did ya miss me?
I told ya a million times, the name is Weisel,
Mr. Weisel to you.
- How many?
- Don't rush me.
I'm perusing' the merchandise, Mr. Weasel.
- The usual.
- One hundred papes to the wise guy.
- Next.
- Morning, Your Honor.
Listen, do me a favor, spot me 50 papes, huh?
- I got a hot tip on the fourth.
You won't waste your money.
- It's a sure thing?
Oh, yeah.
Not like last time.
50 papes. 
Next!
Heya, Mr. Weisel.
- Anything good this mornin'?
- You wanna sit down?
- Next!
- 20 papes, please.
- 20 papes.
- Thanks.
Look at this:
"Baby Born With Two Heads." Must be from Brooklyn.
Hey, hey, you got your papes.
Now beat it.
I paid for 20 and I only got 19.
Are you accusing me of lying, kid?
No, I just want my paper.
He said beat it.
No, it's 19, Weasel.
But don't worry about it.
It's an honest mistake.
Morris, he can't count to 20 with his shoes on.
All right, get outta here.
- Race, will you spot me two bits?
- Here.
Thanks. 
Another 50 for my friend here.
- I don't want another 50.
- Sure you do.
- Every newsie wants more papes.
- I don't.
I don't want your papes.
I don't take charity from anybody, I don't even know you, I don't care to.
So, here are your papes.
- Cowboy, they call him Cowboy.
- Yeah.
That and a lot of other things, including Jack Kelly, which is what my mudder called me.
- What do they call you, kid?
- Les.
And this is my brother, David.
He's older.
- Oh, no kiddin'. 
How old are you, Les?
- Near ten.
Near ten, that's no good.
If anyone asks, say you're seven.
Younger sells more papes, Les.
- If we're gonna be partners, we want to be the best...
- Wait, wait!
Who said anything about partners?
Well, you owe me two bits, right?
So, I'll consider that an investment.
We sell together, we split... 70/30, plus you get the benefit...
- of observing me, no charge.
- Ah-ha!
Ah-ha!
You're gettin' the chance of a lifetime here, Davey.
- You learn from Jack, you learn from the best.
- The best.
- If he's the best, then how come he needs me?
- Oooh!
Listen, I don't need you, pal.
But I ain't got a cute, little brother like Les to front for me.
With this kid's puss and my God-given talent, we could move a thousand papes a week.
- So, what do you say, Les?
You wanna sell papes for me?
- Yeah!
- So it's a deal?
- Wait, hold it!
It's gotta be at least 50/50.
- 60/40 or I forget the whole thing.
- That's fair.
- A golden opportunity.
- That's fair, David.
What do you say?
It's very fair.
- What's the matter?
- That's disgusting.
The name of the game is volume, Dave.
You only took 20 papes.
Why?
- Bad headline.
- That's the first thing you gotta learn.
- Headlines don't sell papes.
Newsies sell papes.
- Newsies, right!
We hold this town together.
Without newsies, nobody knows nuttin'.
- That's right. 
Hey, fellas.
- Look at that angel.
- What a heaven!
- Whoa!
"Baby Born With Three Heads!"
Get your papes here!
"Trolley Strike Drags On...
For Third Week."
And this so-called headline drags on for infinity.
The news is slow, Mr. Pulitzer.
The trolley strike's all we got.
That's all Mr. William Randolph Hearst has too.
But look how he covers the strike.
Look, look, look!
We'll get a new headline writer, sir.
We'll steal Hearst's man.
Offer him double.
That's how he stole him from us.
It's not the headlines, Chief.
These circulation wars are cutting into our profits... because you spend as much as you make trying to beat Hearst.
Then we need to make more profits.
You do not penny pinch when you're in a war, Seitz.
Victory means everything.
When I created "The World"...
What is that deafening noise?
Just the newsies, sir.
I'll go have them quieted.
Never mind the newsies.
Where was I?
- Creating "The World," Chief.
- Mmm.
There's lots of money down there in those streets, gentlemen.
I wanna know how I can get more of it... by tonight.
Extra! 
Extra!
"Trolley strike drags on!"
Extra, extra!
"Ellis Island in flames!"
- Big conflagration!
- Hey, what?
- Where's that story?
- Thank you, sir. 
Page nine.
Thousands flee in panic!
Thank you.
Much obliged to you.
"Trash Fire Next To Immigration Building Terrifies Sea Gulls"?
Terrified flight from inferno!
Thousands of lives at stake! 
Thank you.
- Up here! 
Up here!
- At the top!
Extra! 
Extra!
Thank you, sir.
Extra! 
Extra!
You start in the back like I told ya?
Okay, show me again.
Buy me last pape, mister?
- It's heartbreaking', go get 'em.
- My father taught us not to lie.
Mine told me not to starve, so we both got an education.
You're just makin' up things, all these headlines.
I don't do nuttin' the guys who write it don't do.
It ain't lying'.
It's improving' the truth a little.
Right hook.
Hey, come on.
- Look at that!
- Let's go. 
Strike him.
Come on!
The guy gave me a quarter!
- Quick, give me some more of those papes.
- Wait, hold it.
You smell like beer.
That's how I made the quarter.
The guy bet me I wouldn't drink some.
Hey, no drinkin'on the job.
It's bad for business.
What if somebody called a cop on you?
Is he a friend of yours?
Beat it!
It's the Bulls!
All this for one sip of beer?
Come on, Les. 
Come on!
Stop, you! 
Stop, I say!
Hurry up, c'mon.
C'mon, hurry up.
- Up this way!
- I got you. 
C'mon, let's go.
Sleeper!
Okay, jump.
Hurry up.
- He's right behind us.
- Move!
Whoa!
- Where's he at?
- Over here.
Get down.
Sullivan!
Wait 'til I get you back to the refuge!
I'm not running any further.
- I want some answers.
- Shh.
Who is he, why was he chasing you and what is this refuge?
Refuge is this jail for kids.
The guy chasing me is Snyder.
He's the warden.
- You were in jail? 
Why?
- Yeah.
I was starvin' so I stole some food.
- Right, food.
- Yeah, food.
- He called you Sullivan.
- Yeah, my name's Jack Kelly.
You think I'm lyin'?
- You have a way of improving the truth.
- Yeah?
- Why was he chasing' ya?
- 'Cause I escaped.
Oh boy, how?
This big shot gave me a ride out in his carriage.
I bet it was the mayor, right?
No, Teddy Roosevelt.
You ever heard of him?
What is going on there?
Out, out, out, out!
You wouldn't kick me out without a kiss good-bye, would you, Medda?
Oh, Kelly!
Where you been, kid?
Oh, I miss seeing you up in the balcony.
Hangin' on your every word.
- So, Medda, this is David and Les.
- Hello.
- And this is the greatest star of the vaudeville stage today, 
- No.
Miss Medda Larkson, the Swedish meadowlark.
- "Velcome," gentlemen.
- Medda also owns the joint.
Well, what have we here?
Oh, aren't you the cutest fellow that ever was.
Oh yes, you are.
Oh, are you all right?
Buy me last pape, lady?
Oh, you are good.
Oh, yeah, this kid is really good.
Speaking as one professional to another, I'd say you've got a great future.
Is it all right if we stay here for a while?
Just 'til the problem outside goes away.
Oh, sure, stay as long as you like.
Toby, give my guests whatever they want.
Lads, whatever you'd like.
Gumdrops, gumdrops.
Licorice whips.
Miss Medda Larkson.
I used to be your tootsie-wootsie
Then you said toodle-ee-doo
Come back my lovey dovey baby
- So you liked that?
- Oh, I loved that.
It was great.
She is beautiful.
- How do you know her?
- She's a friend of my father's.
Come on, Les.
You wanna shine my shoes?
It's gettin' late.
My parents are gonna be worried.
- What about yours?
- They're out west looking for a place to live.
Like this.
That's Santa Fe, New Mexico.
As soon as they find the right ranch, they're gonna send for me.
- Then you'll be a real cowboy.
- Yep.
Come on, fellas!
Wait up!
Jack, why don't we go back to my place and divvy up?
You can meet my folks.
It's the trolley strike, Dave, these dumb asses must not have joined.
Jack, let's get outta here.
So, maybe we get a good headline tomorrow.
Look at this.
He slept through it.
- My God, what happened?
- Nothin', he's sleepin'.
We've been waiting dinner.
Where have you been?
You made all of this selling newspapers?
Half of it's Jack's.
This is our selling partner and our friend,
Jack Kelly, my parents.
- Hello.
- That's my sister, Sarah.
Esther, maybe David's partner would like to join us for dinner?
Why don't you add a little more water to the soup?
Mayer.
I gotta say from what I saw today, your boys are a couple of born newsies.
- Can I have a little more?
- Yes.
So with my experience and their hard work,
I figure we can peddle a thousand a week,
- not even break a sweat.
- That many?
More when the headlines are good.
- What makes a headline good?
- Well, you know, um, catchy words like "maniac" or "corpse"... or um, let's see, "love nest" or "nude."
Excuse me.
Maybe I'm talkin' too much.
Sarah.
Go get the cake your mother's hiding in the cabinet.
That's for your birthday tomorrow.
I've had enough birthdays.
This is a celebration.
I'll get the knife.
I got the plates.
It's only the beginning.
The longer I work, the more money I'll make.
You only work until I go back to the factory.
Then you are going back to school like you promised.
Happy birthday, Papa.
- Thank you.
- Here's your knife.
This is going to heal.
They'll give me back my job.
I'll make them.
Our visitor.
Apiece for David.
Thanks.
Come back my lovey dovey baby
And what is this, David?
So how did your pop get hurt?
The factory.
It was an accident.
He's no good to them anymore so they fired him.
He's got no union to protect him.
David, it's time to come in now.
- All right.
- All right.
Jack, why don't you stay here tonight?
No, thanks.
I got my own place.
But your family's real nice, Dave, like mine.
See you tomorrow.
All right.
- Carryin' the banner.
- Carryin' the banner.
So that's what they call a family
Mother, daughter father, son
Guess that everything you heard about
So you ain't got any family
Well who said you needed one
Ain't you glad nobody's waitin' up
I'm alone but I ain't lonely
For a dreamer night's the only time of day
When the city's finally sleepin'
When my thoughts begin to stray
And I'm on the train that's bound for Santa Fe
And I'm free like the wind
Like I'm gonna live forever
It's a feeling time can never
All I need's a few more dollars
And I'm outta here to stay
Dreams come true yes, they do
Where does it say you gotta live and die here
Where does it say a guy can't catch a break
Why should you only take what you're given
Why should you spend your whole life livin'
Trapped where there ain't no future even at 17
Breakin' your back for someone else's sake
If the light don't seem to suit ya
How 'bout a change of scene
Far from the lousy headlines and the deadlines in between
Yee-haw!
- Move!
- Hey, boy, come back!
Hey, that's my horse!
Do you swear you won't forget me
If I found you would you let me come and stay
I ain't gettin' any younger
And before my dyin' day I want space
Let 'em laugh in my face I don't care
Save a place I'll be there
So that's what they call a family
Ain't you glad you ain't that way
Ain't you glad you got a dream called
- Hey, Race.
- Hey, Jack.
- How was your day at the track?
- Remember that hot tip?
Nobody told the horse.
I know we need to make more money.
That's why we're here.
I have several proposals.
First, to increase the paper's price.
Oh, then Hearst undersells me and I'm in the poorhouse.
Brilliant, Jonathan, brilliant.
Not customer price, the price to the distribution apparatus.
Charge the newsies more for their papers?
Bad idea, Chief.
Very well, my next proposal.
Salary cuts, particularly those at the top.
- Very bad idea.
- Wait, wait, wait.
What do the newsies pay now, 50 cents per 100 papers?
If you raised it to, what?
- Sixty cents?
- A mere tenth of a cent per paper.
That multiplied by 40,000 papers a day.
Seven days a week.
It definitely adds up, sir.
If you do this, every newsie we've got will head for Hearst.
You don't know Hearst like I do.
As newspapermen, he and I would cut each other's throats to get an advantage.
But as gentlemen and as businessmen, we often see eye to eye on certain things.
Now if we do it, Hearst and I, if we do it, then the other papers will do it.
It's going to be awfully rough on those children.
Nonsense, nonsense.
It'll be good for them.
Incentive, make them work harder, sell more papers.
They'll look on it...
as a challenge.
Challenge.
They jacked up the price.
Did ya hear that, Jack?
Ten cents a 100.
It's bad enough we gotta eat what we don't sell.
Now they jacked up the price!
Can you believe that?
This'll bust me.
I'm barely makin' a living right now.
I'll be back sleeping' on the streets.
It don't make no sense, all the money Pulitzer's makin'.
Why would he gouge us?
He's a tightwad, that's why.
Pipe down, it's just a gag.
- So why the jack up, Weasel?
- Why not?
It's a nice day.
Why don't you ask Mr. Pulitzer?
They can't do this to me, Jack.
They can do whatever they want, it's their stinkin'paper.
It ain't fair.
We got no rights at all.
It's a rigged deck.
They got all the marbles.
We got no choice.
Let's get our lousy papes while they still got some.
- No! 
Nobody's goin' anywhere!
- We gotta eat, Jack!
They can't get away with this.
Clear out, give him room.
Give him some room!
Let him think!
Done thinkin' yet?
Hey! "World" employees only on this side of the gate!
Listen, one thing for sure, if we don't sell papes, then nobody sells papes.
Nobody comes through those gates 'til they put the price back where it was.
- You mean, like a strike?
- Yeah, like a strike.
- You outta your mind?
- It's a good idea!
Jack, I was joking. 
We can't strike, we don't have a union.
Yeah, but if we go on strike, then we are a union, right?
No, we're just a bunch of angry kids with no money.
Maybe if we got every newsie in New York, but...
- We organize.
Crutchy, you take a collection.
- Swell!
- We'll get all the newsies in New York together.
- This isn't a joke.
You saw what happened to those trolley workers.
That's a good idea.
Any newsie don't join, we bust their heads like the trolley workers.
Stop and think about this, Jack!
You can't rush everybody into this.
All right, let me think about it.
Listen, Dave's right.
Pulitzer and Hearst and all them rich fellas, they own this city.
Do we think street rats like us can make any difference?
The choice has gotta be yours.
Are we gonna take what they give us or are we gonna strike?
- Strike!
- Yeah, let's do it!
Keep talkin', Jack.
Tell us what to do.
You tell us what to do, Dave.
Yeah, come on, Dave, tell us what to do.
We gotta stick together.
- Pulitzer and Hearst have to respect our rights.
- All right.
Hey, listen, Pulitzer and Hearst have to respect... the rights of the workin' boys of New York.
That's right!
That worked good.
What else?
Tell 'em that they can't treat us like we don't exist.
- Pulitzer and Hearst think we're nothin'. 
Are we nothing'?
- No!
If we stick together like the trolley workers, they can't break us up.
Pulitzer and Hearst think they got us
No!
We're union now, the newsboys union.
Start acting like a union.
Even though we ain't got hats or badges
We're a union just by sayin' so
What's to stop someone else from sellin' our papes?
- We'll talk with 'em.
- Some don't hear so good.
- Then we'll soak 'em.
- No, it'll give us a bad name!
What's it gonna take to stop the wagons? 
Are we ready?
- Yeah!
- No!
What's it gonna take to stop the scabbers
Yeah!
We'll do what we gotta do until we break the will of
Mr. Hearst and Pulitzer have we got news for you
We've been hawking' headlines but we're makin' 'em today
And "The World" will know that we've been here
Who does he think he is, anyway?
When the circulation bell starts ringin'
No!
What if the Delanceys come out swingin'
No!
When you've got 100 voices singin'
Who can hear a lousy whistle blow
That we got a ton of rotten fruit and perfect aim
Now they're gonna see what stop the presses really means
And the time is now and the fear is gone
Pulitzer may own "The World" but he don't own us
Pulitzer may own "The World" but he don't own us
Pulitzer may crack the whip but he won't whip us
Pulitzer may crack the whip but he won't whip us
And "The World" will know and "The World" will learn
And "The World" will wonder how we made the tables turn
And "The World" will see that we had to choose
That the things we do today will be tomorrow's news
And the young stand tall and the time is now
And our ranks will grow and our ranks will grow
And so "The World" will feel the fire
Strike! 
Strike!
Strike! 
Strike!
Strike! 
Strike!
Strike! 
Strike!
Strike!
We gotta get word out to all the newsies in New York.
I need some of those, uh, what do you call 'em?
- Ambassadors?
- Yeah.
You guys, you gotta be ambassadors and go tell the others we're on strike.
- Jack, I'll take Harlem.
- I got midtown.
- I got the bowery.
- I'll take the Bronx. 
Come on.
Bumlets, Specs, Skittery, take Queens.
- All right.
- Pie Eater, Snotty, East Side.
Snipeshooter, go with 'em.
What about Brooklyn?
Who wants Brooklyn?
Come on, Spot Conlon's territory.
- What's the matter, scared of Brooklyn?
- We ain't scared of Brooklyn!
Spot Conlon makes us a little nervous.
- He don't make me nervous.
You and me, Boots, we'll go.
- All right.
And Dave can keep us company.
- Right, Dave?
- Sure, as soon as you take our demands to Pulitzer.
- Me to Pulitzer?
- You're the leader, Jack.
Go tell him, Jack!
Maybe the kid'll soften him up a bit.
Strike! 
Strike!
Strike! 
Strike!
Strike!
What is this strike?
What's going on?
We're bringing our demands to Pulitzer.
- What demands?
- The newsies' demands. 
We're on strike.
I'm with "The New York Sun." I'm Bryan Denton.
You seem like the kid in charge.
What's your name?
- David.
- David, as in David and Goliath?
- You really think Pulitzer's gonna listen to your demands?
- He has to.
- Out!
- So's your old lady!
- Tell Pulitzer he needs an appointment with me!
- Yeah!
So this real snooty mug says, "You can't see Mr. Pulitzer.
No one sees Mr. Pulitzer." Real hoity-toity, you know.
- Real hoity-toity.
- I said, "I ain't transactin' business with office boys.
Just tell him Jack Kelly's here to see him now."
- That's when he threw us out.
- Ha-ha!
Does it scare ya?
You're goin'up against the most powerful man in New York City.
Look at me, I'm tremblin'.
All right, keep me informed.
I wanna know everything that's going on.
- Are we really an important story?
- Well, what's important?
Last year I covered the war in Cuba.
Charged up San Juan Hill with Colonel Teddy Roosevelt.
That was a very important story.
So, is the newsies' strike important?
It depends on you.
So my name's really gonna be in the papers?
- Any objections?
- Not as long as you get it right.
Kelly, Jack Kelly.
And Denton?
- No pictures.
- Sure.
I've never been to Brooklyn, have you?
I spent a month there one night.
Watch this.
So is Spot Conlon really dangerous?
Goin' somewhere, Kelly?
Well, if it ain't Jack Be Nimble, Jack Be Quick.
You moved up in the world, Spot, got a river view.
Hey, Boots, how's it rollin'?
Hey, I got a couple of real good shooters here.
Yeah.
- So, Jack, I've been hearin' things from little birds.
- Yeah?
Things from Harlem, Queens.
All over.
They're chirping' in my ear.
Jackie boy's newsies is playin' like they're goin' on strike.
- Yeah, we are.
- Well, we're not playin'.
We are goin' on strike.
Oh, yeah, yeah?
What is this, some kind of walkin' mouth?
Yeah, it's a mouth, a mouth with a brain.
If you got half of one, you'll listen.
Go on, tell him.
Well, we started the strike, but we can't do it alone.
So we've been talkin' to other newsies all around the city.
Yeah, so they told me.
But what did they tell you?
They're waitin' to see what Spot Conlon does.
You're the key.
That Spot Conlon is the most respected and famous newsie in all of New York.
And probably everywhere else.
And if Spot Conlon joins the strike, then they'll join.
We'll be unstoppable.
You gotta join us because...
Well, you gotta.
Well, you're right, Jack.
Brains.
But I got brains too.
And more than just half of one.
How do I know you punks won't run the first time some goon comes at you?
How do I know you got what it takes to win?
'Cause I'm tellin' you, Spot.
That ain't good enough, Jackie boy.
You gotta show me.
Double down, boys, double down.
How you doin', Jack?
Jack, so where's Spot?
He was concerned about us bein' serious.
Maybe we ought to ease off a little.
Without Spot and the others, there's not enough of us.
Maybe we're movin' too soon, maybe we ain't ready.
I definitely think we should forget about it for a little while.
- Oh, do you?
- Yeah, we're not Brooklyn.
Who we kidding' here? 
Spot was right.
Is it just a game to you?
- Hey, Crutchy.
- Hiya, Jack.
Open the gates and seize the day
Don't be afraid and don't delay
Nothing can break us no one can make us
Arise and seize the day
Yeah!
Yeah!
Now is the time to seize the day
Now is the time to seize the day
Send out the call and join the fray
Send out the call and join the fray
Wrongs will be righted if we're united
Friends of the friendless seize the day
Raise up the torch and light the way
Raise up the torch and light the way
Proud and defiant we'll slay the giant
One for all and all for one
Open the gates and seize the day
Don't be afraid and don't delay
Nothing can break us no one can make us
One for all and all for one
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Anybody hear that?
- No!
- What are we gonna do about it?
Soak 'em!
Come on, it's a beautiful day!
Let's go! 
Let's go!
Come on, buy your papes!
What's goin'on here?
Move it, move it!
Move it!
- All right!
- Atta boy!
You did good.
It's about time, South, where you been?
We got a big one, fellas.
Is he a newsie or what?
Hey, hey, hey.
Fellas, fellas.
Blink.
Now, Jack, just don't...
- Hey-hey-hey-hey!
- I'm gonna crack your dome!
What's he doin'?
What are you starin'at!
What are you lookin'at?
Look out!
Jack! 
Jack!
Hey! 
It's the Bulls!
Hey, cheese it!
Cheese it, it's the Bulls!
Les!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Whoa! 
Crutchy!
Scram! 
Scram!
Oh!
- Hey!
- Heya, fellas, how ya doin'?
Huh, huh?
Hey, guys, don't.
Hey, what ya doin'?
So, here it is, the refuge.
My home, sweet home.
How can you be sure they sent Crutchy here?
How can I be sure the Delanceys stink?
It's just the way things work.
An orphan gets arrested,
Snyder makes sure he gets sent here so he can rehabilitate him.
The more kids in a refuge, the more money the city sends to take care of'em, the more Snyder sticks in his pocket.
He's here.
So how come you brought the rope?
Gently, Dave, gently.
That's good. 
That's good.
Cowboy, you miss the joint?
What do you say, Ten-Pin?
You got a new guy, Crutchy?
- The gimp? 
I'll get him for ya.
- Yeah, the gimp.
Crutchy, Jack.
Hey, Crutchy.
I don't believe it.
- Hey, thanks.
- Hey, Crutchy.
What are ya hangin' around here for?
- What do you mean?
Know who's on the roof?
- Who?
- Dave.
- Is that Dave? 
Dave, how ya doin'?
- Shh!
- Listen, go get your stuff.
- We're gonna get you out.
- Well, um...
Actually, I ain't walking' so good.
Oscar and Morris kinda worked me over a little.
They hurt ya?
Don't worry about it, me and Dave can carry you out.
I don't want nobody carrying' me.
Never, d'ya hear?
Hey, Davey, they still talk about how Jack rode outta here on that coach.
- Teddy Roosevelt's, right?
- You already heard the story.
- You mean, it's true?
- Of course.
Hey, cheese it!
Uh, Mr. Warden Snyder, sir, I was thinking.
I'd like you to know that when you were taking a nap this afternoon...
I don't think they're just going to go away, Chief.
Mr. Pulitzer, sir.
Just give me the means and I'll take care of them for ya.
Give him whatever means he requires.
I want this nonsense done with.
- Chief...
- Shut your mouth, Seitz!
Open the gates and seize the day
Don't be afraid and don't delay
Nothing can break us no one can make us
Yeah!
Come on, you grafters, cross the line.
All right, everyone remain calm!
Let's soak 'em for Crutchy.
Oh, Jack!
Jack, it's a trick!
Wait!
Hiya, Jackie boy.
Les, get outta here, go!
Hey!
- Aren't you going to stop them, sir?
- Move along, mister.
Never fear, Brooklyn is here.
- Brooklyn!
- Brooklyn!
Aaah!
Come here, ya... 
Come on!
Aaah!
Hey, I give up.
All right, I give up.
Oooh!
Hey, Spot!
Hiya, Weasel.
Are you all right?
Hey, David.
Jack! 
Boys! 
Freeze!
- Freeze!
- All right, guys.
Extra! 
Extra!
"Children's Crusade, Newsies Stop 'The World. "'
- Hey, fellas! 
This is it!
- Hey, Denton.
Hey, hey, big time.
What you got there, Jack?
Where's me picture?
Where's me picture?
Them words there, they all about us?
- Look at you, Jack, you look like a general.
- Get your fingers off.
- Where does it say my name?
- Quit thinkin' about yourself.
- You got us on the front page.
- You got yourselves on the front page.
I just gotta make sure you stay there.
So what, you get your picture in the papes?
What's that get ya?
What are you talkin' about, huh?
You've been in a bad mood all day.
- I'm not in a bad mood!
- Glum and dumb! 
What's the matter?
You're in the papes!
You're famous.
You're famous, you get anything you want.
- That's what's so great about New York!
- Yeah!
A pair of new shoes with matchin' laces
A permanent box at sheepshead races
A porcelain tub with boiling' water
A Saturday night with the mayor's daughter
Look at me I'm the king of New York
Suddenly I'm respectable starin' right at ya lousy with stature
Nobbin' with all the muckety mucks
I'm blowin' my dough and goin' deluxe
There I be ain't I pretty
It's my city I'm the king of New York
I said don't rip it.
A corduroy suit with fitted knickers
A mezzanine seat to see the flickers
Havana cigars that cost a quarter
An editor's desk for the star reporter
Tip your hat he's the king of New York
How about that I'm the king of New York
In nothin' flat he'll be coverin' Brooklyn to Trenton
I gotta be either dead or dreamin'
'Cause look at that pape with my face beamin'
Tomorrow they may wrap fishes in it
But I was a star for one whole minute
Startin' now I'm the king of New York
Ain't ya heard I'm the king of New York
Pulitzer's cryin' Weasel he's dyin'
Flashpots are shootin' bright as the sun
I'm one highfalutin son-of-a-gun
Don't ask me how fortune found me
Fate just crowned me now I'm king of New York
Look and see once a piker
Now a striker I'm the king of New York
Guts and glory I'm the king of New York
- Let's have some ideas.
- We gotta show people where we stand.
So we gotta stay in the papes.
My paper's the only one printin' any strike news so far.
So we should do somethin' that's so big... the other papers are gonna feel stupid if they ignore us.
- Yeah.
- Like a rally.
A newsie rally with all the kids from all over New York.
We'll make it the biggest, loudest, noisiest blowout this town's ever seen.
We'll send a message to the big boys.
- I'll give 'em a message.
- Yeah.
There's a lot of us and we ain't goin' away.
We'll fight until doomsday if it means we get a fair shake.
I'll fight to that.
Hey, you guys, to our man Denton.
- Oh!
- To our man Denton!
Heya, Mr. Snyder, how was your supper?
Hey, that's Jack.
He looks just like his self.
- You know this boy?
- No, naw!
You have a famous friend, this Jack.
Do you know where he lives?
I never heard of him, honest.
It's this brain.
It's always makin' mistakes.
It's got a mind of its own.
Can I get you anything else, Mr. Snyder?
Good-bye, Mr. Snyder.
So'd I spell it right, Kloppman?
Very good.
That's very good.
I like it. 
Yeah.
Excuse me.
Can I help you?
You have a boy who calls himself Jack Kelly?
- I wish to see him.
- Jack Kelly?
Jack... 
Never heard of him.
Never heard of him.
Any of you boys ever heard of Jack Kelly?
That's unusual name for these parts.
Oh, you mean Jack Kelly!
Yeah, he was here.
But he put an egg in his shoe and beat it.
I have reason to believe that he is an escaped prisoner, possibly dangerous.
Oh! 
Dangerous?
I better look in my files.
Oh, this way, please.
Give to the newsie strike fund, mister?
Huh?
Did you sleep out there all night?
Yeah.
Why didn't you wake us up?
Well, I didn't want to disturb nobody.
Anyway, it's like the Waldorf out here, great view and cool air.
Go up on the roof.
- Are you hungry?
- Yeah.
Good, 'cause I made you breakfast.
Papa's so proud of you and David.
You should hear him talking about Jack Kelly, the strike leader who occasionally takes his meals with us.
This is one strike leader who's gonna be very happy when it's all over.
I can get outta here and go to Santa Fe.
I mean, there's nothin' for me to stay for, is there?
You should see Santa Fe.
Everything's different there.
It's all bigger.
You know, the desert and the sky and the sun.
It's the same sun as here.
Yeah, just looks different.
I should... get ready for work!
Sarah, I'm just not used to havin'... whether I stay or go matter to anybody.
I'm not sayin' it should matter to you.
I'm just sayin', um...
But does it... matter?
Of course, the city is very concerned... that this event doesn't get out of hand, but...
Chief?
We can't just charge in and break it up, Mr. Pulitzer.
- We've got no legal cause.
- Legal cause!
Would the fact that this rally is organized by an escaped criminal... be cause enough, Mayor?
Escaped criminal?
Fugitive from one of your prisons.
Convicted thief.
He's been living at large under the alias of Jack Kelly.
- What's his real name?
- Sullivan.
Francis Sullivan,
Your Honor, I would've caught him before now, but...
You know Warden Snyder, don't you, Mayor?
I believe you know him because you... appointed him.
Yes.
If this boy is a fugitive,
- then the chief can quietly arrest him.
- No, no, no.
Not quietly.
Not quietly!
I want an example made.
I want this rabble he's roused to see what happens... to those who would dare to...
They should see justice in action.
- Arrest him at the rally.
- By the way, Mayor,
I'm having a few friends for cards tonight, newspaper friends, Willie Hearst, Gordon Bennett.
Perhaps you'll join us.
Talk about the...
coming election.
I'd be honored.
Carryin' the banner!
Carryin' the banner!
You know the boys, Mayor.
This is Mr. Bennett of “The Tribune."
- Mr. Taylor of “The Times." 
- Nice to see you.
- Of course, you know Mr. Hearst.
- Of course.
This is a new member of our little group, Mr. Gammon.
- He just came back from Europe.
- Welcome home.
Mr. Gammon owns, what?
"The New York Sun."
Cigar, sir?
We've come a long way, but we ain't there yet.
Maybe it's only gonna get tougher from now on.
But that's fine.
We'll just get tougher with it.
But also, also we gotta get smart...
- and start listenin' to my pal, David, 
- Yeah!
Who says, "Stop soaking the scabs."
What are we supposed to do to the bums, kiss 'em?
Any scab I see, I soak 'em, period.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
No! 
That's what they want us to do.
If we get violent, it's playin' into their hands.
They're gonna be playing with my hands.
This ain't what they say, it's what we say.
Nobody ain't gonna listen to us, unless we make 'em.
You got no brains!
We're starting to fight each other, it's just what the big shots wanna see.
That we're street trash, street rats with no brains, no respect for nothin' including ourselves.
So here's how it is. 
If we don't act together, we're nothin'.
If we don't stick together, can't trust each other, then we're nothin'.
- Tell 'em, Jack!
- So, what's it gonna be?
We're with you, Jack.
So what do you say, Spot?
I say that what you say... is what I say.
- Yeah! 
Yeah!
- All right!
Sometimes the livin' is sweet
And sometimes there's nothin' to eat
But I always lands on my feet
I wait for high times and then
I put on my best and I stick out my chest
And I'm off to the races again
Oh, Medda!
Hello, newsies?
What's new?
So your old lady don't love you no more
So you're afraid there's a wolf at your door
So you got street rats that scream in your ear
You win some you lose some, my dear
Oh, high times hard times
Sometimes the livin' is sweet
And sometimes there's nothin' to eat
But I always lands on my feet
I wait for high times and then
I put on my best and I stick out my chest
And I'm off to the races again
And I'm off to the races again
Excuse me, aren't you Warden Snyder?
Bryan Denton of “The Sun." How do you do, sir?
I heard about your wonderful work with the children.
I wondered if I might get an interview.
- Jack!
- Hi, David.
- It's Snyder.
- What?
It's Snyder... right there.
Let me get that correct.
"Snider" as in snide?
Smile, sir.
Medda, thanks.
I gotta run.
Hurry.
No!
No! 
For God's sake!
He's just a child.
Why don't you pick on someone your own size?
Racetrack!
Get outta here now!
Hey, come here!
Sullivan, I gotcha!
Go up there.
All right, no, go here.
Push me.
Get outta here! 
Go!
- Stop where you are.
- Hey, come back!
Show's over, Cowboy.
You all right?
Come on.
Stay back!
Arise, arise.
Court is now in session.
Judge E.A. Monahan presiding.
Are any of you represented by counsel?
No. 
Good, good.
- That'll move things along considerably.
- Your Honor, I object.
On what grounds?
On the grounds of Brooklyn, Your Honor.
I fine each of you $5.00, or two weeks'confinement in the house of refuge.
- He said five bucks.
- Whoa. 
Hey, we ain't got five bucks.
We don't even got five cents.
Your Honor, how 'bout I roll you for it?
Double or nothing.
- Move along, move along.
- Your Honor,
I'll pay the fines, all of them.
- Fellas, you all right?
- It's David.
- Where's Jack?
- Look, we got to meet at the restaurant.
Everybody.
We have to talk.
Pay the clerk.
Move it along.
Hey, fellas!
Hey, Cowboy, nice shiner.
Pay the clerk.
Move it along.
Hey, Denton, I guess we made all the papes this time.
- How'd my picture look?
- None of the papers covered the rally, not even "The Sun."
Case of Jack Kelly.
Inciting to riot, assault, resisting arrest.
Judge Monahan, I'll speak for this young man.
You two know each other.
Ain't that nice!
Just move it along, Warden Snyder.
This boy's real name is Francis Sullivan.
His mother's deceased, his father's a convict.
He's an escapee from the house of refuge... where his sentence for three months was extended to six months...
- for disruptive behavior.
- Like demanding we eat the food you steal from us.
Followed by an additional six months for attempted escape.
Attempted? 
Last time wasn't an attempted escape.
Remember me and Teddy Roosevelt and the carriage?
- You remember Roosevelt and the carriage!
- I ask he be returned...
- to the house of refuge.
- Away for my own good, right, move along?
For my own good and what he kicks back to you.
And that the court order his incarceration until the age of 21... in the hope that we may yet guide him to a useful and productive life.
So ordered!
No!
Next.
Hey, Mr. Denton!
- Thanks for bailing us out.
- My pleasure.
- Why didn't "The Sun" print the story?
- Because it never happened.
What do you mean? 
It never happened?
You were there!
If it's not in the papers, it never happened.
The owners decreed that it not be in the papers, therefore...
Anyway, I came to tell you fellas good-bye.
- What happened? 
You get fired?
- No, I got reassigned... back to my old job as "The Sun's" ace war correspondent.
They want me to leave right away.
The owner thinks I should only cover the really important stories.
Yep, well, wish me luck, fellas, at least half of what I wish for you.
They don't always fire you, David.
I would be blackballed from every paper in the country.
Hey,
I'm a newspaperman.
I have to have a paper to write for.
This is the, uh, story I wrote about the rally.
And...
I want you to read it, at least.
Bill?
- No, no.
- This should cover it. 
Thanks.
We get Jack out of the refuge tonight.
- From now on, we trust no one but the newsies.
- Yeah!
Come on, get the lead out of your pants.
Move along, boy.
That's where we saw Crutchy.
It's Jack.
- It's Jack!
- Shh, shh.
Whoa, boy.
Where they takin' him, Dave?
There's one way to find out.
I'll meet you guys at the square.
Racetrack, watch him.
Whoa, whoa, boy.
Get him inside.
Oh, well, about ready to wrap up for the night.
- Gonna be another late one.
- Yes, I know.
Sit!
Know what I was doing when I was your age, boy?
I was in a war!
- The Civil War.
- Yeah, I heard of it.
So... did you win?
People think that wars are about right or wrong.
They're not.
They're about power.
I heard of that too.
I don't just sell your papers, Joe, sometimes I read 'em.
Power of the press is the greatest power of them all.
I tell this city how to think.
I tell this city how to vote.
I... shape its future.
Yeah? 
Well, right now...
I'm just thinking about one future and that's mine.
So am I, boy.
I have the power to see that you stay locked in the refuge.
- And I have the power to break out again.
- Or...
I could see you released tomorrow free and clear... with more money in your pockets than you could earn in... three lifetimes.
Are you bribing' me, Joe?
Mmm. 
Well, no-no-no-no-no.
It's been nice chattin' with you, Joe, but I gotta be going now.
You listen to me, boy.
Just shut your mouth and listen to me.
You shut up and listen to me for once!
It's no game I'm playing.
You work for me until the strike is over.
It will end, boy, make no mistake, without you.
Then you go wherever you want to buy a ticket for.
Away from the refuge, these foul streets.
Free!
With money to spend and nobody chasing you.
I must have you scared pretty bad, old man.
I offer you freedom and money just to work for me again.
To your friends, I won't be so kind!
Now your partner, what's his name, David?
I understand he has a family.
What do you think the refuge will do to him?
And it would be you who put him there.
And all the others.
After all, you're their leader.
Go back to the refuge tonight.
Think about it.
Give me your answer in the morning.
Jack, come on!
Come on! 
Run!
After him!
Don't worry.
He's got no place to go.
- Come on, keep running!
- You shouldn't have done this, Dave.
- They could put you in jail.
- I don't care.
Come here!
What about your family?
What happens to them if you go in jail?
You don't know nothin' about jail.
Thanks for what you've done, but you get outta here.
- I don't understand.
- I don't understand either, but just get outta here!
- No!
- Go!
I can't spend my whole life hiding
You're the only light that's guiding' me today
Psst, Jack.
Look. 
I snitched it off of Snyder's plate when I was serving him.
It's the biggest one.
Oh, Mr. Snyder was eating good tonight.
You know, the stuff that we don't never get.
Potatoes, olives, even bacon, sauerkraut.
Guess what I done to his sauerkraut.
- So what's it get ya?
- Another three months.
But you can't let him beat ya, right, Jack?
That's what you always say.
We was beat when we was born.
Will you keep a candle burnin'
Will you help me find my way
You're my chance to break free
And who knows when my next one will be
Stop "The World." No more papes.
Stop "The World." No more papes.
Cheese it!
Cheese it!
- Cheese it! 
Race, please help me.
- All right, I ain't deaf.
Hey, hey, hey.
Break it up.
Hold it right there.
- Hey, Race, come here.
- What?
Tell me I'm just seein' things.
Just tell me I'm seein' things.
You ain't seeing'things. 
That's Jack.
- What's he doin'?
- He's dressed like a scabber.
Jack, look at me, will ya?
Come on, it's me, Mush.
Look at me!
What're you doing?
This ain't happening!
What are you doin', Jack?
Hey, what is this?
- Where'd you get them clothes?
- Mr. Pulitzer picked them.
- A special gift to a special new employee.
- He sold us out.
Look at him in his little suit.
Ya bum! 
I'll soak ya!
- Ya fink!
- Let me get my hands dirty.
Come here, you dirty, rotten scabber!
I'll murder ya!
Oh, you want to talk to him.
Come on, sure.
Go right ahead.
So this is why you didn't escape last night.
- Yeah.
- You're a liar.
You lied about everything.
You lied about your father being out west.
- You didn't even tell me your real name.
- So? 
What you want to do about it?
I don't understand you.
So let me spell it out for ya.
You see, I ain't got nobody tucking me in at night like you.
It's just me.
I gotta look out for myself.
- You had the newsies!
- What'd being a newsie give me... but a dime a day and a few black eyes?
I can't afford to be a kid no more, Dave.
For the first time in my life I got money in my pockets. 
Real money!
Money. 
You understand?
I got more on the way and as soon as I collect, I'm gone, all right?
That's good 'cause we don't need you.
We don't need you!
All those words you said, those were mine.
But you never had the guts to put 'em across yourself.
I do now.
What's the matter?
Got a problem?
Maybe, maybe you'd like a new suit of your own, huh?
- Never!
- Get outta here! 
Off with him.
You make me sick!
- Look at yourself, huh?
- I trusted you.
Seize the day, huh, Jack?
He's foolin' 'em so he can spy on 'em or something.
Yeah, that's it.
He's foolin' 'em.
Yeah, he's spying' on 'em, kid.
Les, what is this?
I'm savin' it.
David, it's Denton's article.
"The Dark Truth, Why Our City Really Fears The Newsies' Strike...
"by Bryan Denton.
"Last night I saw naked force exercised against mere boys, the newsies, who were the..."
One trick, Cowboy, and it's right back to the refuge.
Please.
Ah, you gonna be requiring anything else this evening?
No? 
Ah, tsk, tsk.
Well then, I oughta be saying good night.
Remember... one trick and I go straight to Mr. Pulitzer.
Move along, gentlemen, move along.
20 papes. 
Next.
- 20 papes, please.
- Next.
- 30 papes, please.
- Yes, sir.
30 papes. 
Next.
- I'll take, uh, 50.
- 50 papes!
50 papes. 
Next.
Sleep well, Cowboy?
Come with us, Cowboy.
We're gonna go fix your pal Davey.
- Fix him so he can't walk.
- Shut up!
Uh-uh. 
Lift one finger, it's back to the refuge.
Next!
50.
- Good mornin'.
- Good mornin' to ya.
'Scuse me, sweet face.
How's your little brother, tootsie?
Where's the little Davey?
Leave my sister alone!
Stop it! 
Leave him alone!
You stupid ape.
No!
- What happened? 
Are you hurt?
- No, I'm all right.
- Help Sarah.
- Run, Davey!
Oh, yeah, run, Davey.
We got the best part of your family right here.
Let go of me!
Stop it!
- Get up!
- Les!
Stop, you're hurting him.
No! 
Leave him alone!
Stop it!
Leave him alone!
Get over here!
Remember Crutchy?
- You all right?
- Yeah.
David?
You better run, Cowboy.
We're gonna tell Uncle Weas.
- You'll be back in the refuge by supper time.
- Run, ya lousy coward.
Run, get outta here!
Don't come back.
What? 
You couldn't stay away?
Well, I guess I can't be something I ain't.
A scab?
No, smart.
Did you mean what you wrote here?
About all these sweatshop kids listening to me?
I don't write anything I don't mean.
Well, come on in.
I was just packing a few things.
So, yes, I meant it.
The city thrives on child labor.
A lot of people make money that way.
They're terrified that the newsies strike will spread.
There's not much chance of that... as long as they got the power.
Sometimes all it takes is a voice.
One voice that becomes a hundred, and then a thousand... unless it's silenced.
Why can't we spread the strike?
Have another big rally and get the word out to all the sweatshop kids?
- Why not?
- What are we gonna do?
Put an ad in the paper?
We'll do better than that.
We'll make our own paper.
We tell 'em they gotta join us.
Isn't that a good idea?
Yeah, it is. 
But what do we know about printing a newspaper?
- Nothing, but our man, Denton...
- But I think our man, Denton, has something more important to do.
I mean, he's gonna be an ace war correspondent.
Right, Denton?
All right.
Where do we start?
We gotta move fast.
We're gonna need the newsies to circulate.
We need a printing press.
So happens I know a guy with a printing press.
- You've been living here?
- Shh! 
They're above us.
If weasel catches us, we're all in the slam.
All right!
A platen press!
Looks like old man Pulitzer never threw anything away.
- Will this thing work?
- It better. 
We have a deadline.
This is the story you wanted to write
Well tonight is a night that you can
Just get this done and by dawn's early light
You can finish the fight you began
This time we're in it to stay
Think about seizing the day
Think of that train as she rolls into old Santa Fe
See ol'man Pulitzer snug in his bed he don't care if we're dead or alive
Three satin pillows are under his head
While we're begging for bread to survive
Joe, if you're still countin'sheep
Wake up and read 'em and weep
You got your thugs with their sticks and the slugs
Yeah, but we got a promise to keep
Once and for all something tells me the tide'll be turnin'
Once and for all there's a fire inside me
Now that the choices are clear
Watch how the mighty can fall for once and for all
It's nice of Mr. Pulitzer to let us use his press.
I just hope I get to thank him for it some day.
This is for kids shining shoes in the streets
With no shoes on their feet every day
Hey, kid, can you read?
Read that.
Take this. 
Read these.
Know how to read?
Read that, all right?
Carryin' the banner!
Once and for all we'll be there to defend one another
Once and for all every kid is our friend
- Hey, meeting in the square.
- Support the newsies.
Five thousand reasons to try we're going over the wall
Disgraceful, Denty!
Those poor boys!
I thought you'd feel this way, Governor.
And I did nothing... until now.
Good, very good, sir.
So when's the others comin', kid?
They ain't comin'.
Ain't gonna be nobody but us.
- Come on, Jack.
- Have hope, Jack.
When the circulation bell starts ringin'
Naw.
What if the Delanceys come out swingin'
No!
Atta boy!
When you got a million voices singin'
Look!
Brooklyn!
Brooklyn!
"The World" will feel the fire
We're gonna strike!
We're gonna strike!
Get back!
Strike! 
Strike!
Strike! 
Strike!
- Yeah!
- Yes!
Dear me, what have we here?
Strike! 
Strike!
It's awful, everyone's calling.
Mr. Hearst, Mr. Benton... and the mayor, and such awful language.
The city's at a standstill and they all blame the chief.
It's like the end of the world.
Oh, dear, I didn't say that.
Extry! 
Extry! 
Joe!
Read all about it.
I promised that if you defied me, I would break you.
I'll keep that promise, boy.
I gave you the chance to be free.
I don't understand.
Anyone who doesn't act in his own self-interest... is a fool.
- What does that make you?
- What?
This is my pal, David, the walking mouth.
You talk about self-interest, but since the strike... your circulation has been down 70%.
Every day you're losing thousands of dollars... just to beat us out of one lousy tenth of a cent.
Why?
It ain't about the money, Dave.
If Joe gives in to nobodies like us, that means we got the power.
He can't do that no matter what it costs. 
Am I right, Joe?
I sent for the police.
They must be here by now.
Send 'em in, Seitz.
Send 'em in.
I'm not goin' back to jail, Joe.
Look at here. 
Right out here is right where your power ends!
Shut the windows!
Close the windows!
Stop that infernal noise!
Go home!
- Go home! 
Go home!
- I don't hear you, Joe!
Go home to your mothers and fathers!
- Go home! 
You listen to me!
- I can't hear ya!
- Maybe you should listen to me for a change.
- No, you listen to me!
- No, you should listen!
- Shut the window and shut up!
There's a lot of people out there!
They ain't gonna go away!
They got voices now and they're gonna be listened to.
Putting me in jail is not gonna stop them.
That's the power of the press, Joe.
Thanks for teaching' me about it.
Those kids put out a pretty good paper, Chief.
I ordered a printing ban on all strike matters.
Now who defied it?
Whose press did you use to print this? 
Whose?
Well, we only used the best, Joe.
So I just wanna say, thanks again.
Hey, fellas, they're over here.
They're over here.
What'd they say, huh?
What'd they say?
We beat 'em!
All right!
Excuse me, excuse me.
Jack, Jack! 
It's the Bulls!
It's the Bulls, let me down!
No, Jack, it's over.
- Let's go!
- No, no, no! 
You don't have to run.
Not anymore.
Not from the likes of him.
Come on, come on.
Hey, Crutchy, come on outta there.
Uh, remember what I told ya, Mr. Snyder.
The first thing you do in jail, make friends with the rats.
Share what you got in common.
- Uh, Officer, may I, please?
- Sure, kid.
- Hey, Crutchy!
- Hey, guys!
You won't be seein' much of him anymore.
- Say good-bye, Warden.
- Bye!
Jack, you ought to have seen it.
He come storming' into the refuge wavin' his walking' stick like a sword.
And he's leadin' this army of lawyers and cops...
- Who comes walkin' in?
- You know, your friend, him!
Teddy Roosevelt.
The governor's very grateful you brought this problem to his attention.
I said you might need a lift somewhere.
He's glad to oblige.
Anywhere you want, and this time you ride inside.
Could he drop me at the train yards?
Yeah, if that's what you want.
Try Bottle Alley or the harbor
Try Central Park it's guaranteed
Try any banker bum or barber
They almost all knows how to read
Summer stinks and winter's waitin'
Boy ain't nature fascinatin'
- One hundred papes.
- All right, Davey.
Thanks.
Jack!
- There's Jack!
- He's back!
Thanks for the advice, Governor.
Like you said, I still got things to do.
Besides, I got family here.
This is wonderful!
Hey, Jack, how you doin'?
I told ya, I told ya!
So how's the headline today?
Headlines don't sell papes.
Newsies sell papes.
Come here, David.
Thanks, Davey.
All right, yeah!
Whoo! 
Check it!
Whoo!
- Look at Spots!
- Good-bye, Spots!
It's a fine life carrying'the banner lt's a fine life carrying'the banner lt's a fine life carrying'the banner lt's a fine life carrying'the banner
Extry! 
Extry!
Look at me I'm the king of New York
Suddenly I'm respectable starin' right at ya lousy with stature
Nobbin' with all the muckety mucks
I'm blowin'my dough and goin'deluxe
There I be ain't I pretty lt's my city I'm the king of New York
Startin'now I'm the king of New York
Ain't ya heard I'm the king of New York
Pulitzer's cryin' Weasel he's dyin'
Flashpots are shootin' bright as the sun
I'm one highfalutin son-of-a-gun
Don't ask me how fortune found me
Fate just crowned me I'm the king of New York
Victory front page story guts and glory
And "The World" will wonder how we made the tables turn
And "The World" will see that we had to choose
That the things we do today will be tomorrow's news
And the old will fall and the young stand tall
And the time is now and the winds will blow
And our ranks will grow and grow and grow and so
"The World" will feel the fire

[Radio] [Chris] Well, all right. 
That was Rockin'Dopsie and the Zydeco Twisters.
And before that- Who was before that?
Well, before that was Pablo Lubadika Porthos starting things out this quarter hour with-
Huh. 
Well, if anybody can remember, go ahead and call it in.
Uh, word of warning to the unwary- don't get sick this weekend.
Our own Dr. Joel is off for a medical conference in Juneau.
Everybody's entitled to a little boondoggle now and then, I suppose.
While he's away, Joel's provided for an on-call physician from Sleetmute.
My advice- take two aspirins and wait till Monday.
[Imitating Bird Call, Warbling]
Time for the Bird-watchers' Bulletin Board.
"Sal Valdez gwisglet"-
[Chuckles] All right. "Saldez portaka"-
"Sal Valdez reports a whiskered auklet." Uh-
I'm-I'm sorry, people.
I seem to be problems.
Uh- l-I seem- I seem to be "blems" gettin' the words out.
Tech-Technical difficulties.
[Flipping Switches]
How about this one?
This works, doesn't it?
It's assertive but not overly aggressive.
It's okay.
Oh, I should've got that jacket taken in.
Damn.
You have Dr. Parker's number, right?
I don't wanna be bothered unless it's an emergency.
You told me.
Even then, what can I do?
I'll be in Juneau.
Hey, Marilyn. 
Please, just a bit of consideration.
Those slides are only the most integral part of my presentation.
I'm hoping that "Early Detection of Inner Ear Effusion of the Alaskan Child"... will make Dr. Joel Fleischman the hit of the Sixth Annual Pacific Northwest Pediatric Conference.
Don't worry.
Worried? 
Who's worried?
Excited. 
I'm excited.
For the next three days, I'm gonna be surrounded by colleagues- physicians like myself- many of whom, if demographics hold, will be under 35, female and single.
It'll be like shooting ducks in a barrel, bees to honey, moths to a flame.
Women flock to pediatrics, Marilyn.
It's the nurturing thing, you know?
Geriatrics, physical therapy.
But pediatricians, man, they're the best.
They worry most about their personal appearances.
It's a fact, Marilyn.
Within a very small range of error, you can predict an M.D. 's entire personality based on his or her field of specialization.
Orthopedists are butchers, hammer-and-nail guys.
Radiologists- country clubbers, gas passers.
Tend not to speak English.
But female pediatricians, on the other hand, fall somewhere between Jane Fonda and candy stripers in heat.
You done? 
I gotta go.
Here.
All right. 
Wish me luck.
Good luck.
Thanks.
Siegfried, act 1, by Wagner.
[Radio]
Stevens? 
What do you think you're doing?
What do you mean?
[Clears Throat] You know exactly what I mean.
Das Rheingold's one thing, but if you think I'm going to subject myself... to the whole Ring of Nibelung, you're sadly mistaken.
All right, Maurice.
The thing is, something the matter is-
My voice.
What, you got laryngitis or somethin'?
Somethin'.
Okay, well, if you want continuous programming, we've got the greatest musical comedies in the world staring you right in the face.
But I want that Kraut off my airwaves.
Do you understand me?
- Yeah.
- All right. 
Good.
Play some show tunes.
[Continues]
[Door Opens, Closes]
Chris.
Bernard?
Bernard, is that you?
Hey, Brother.
Oh, man! 
It's you!
I guess the chinos didn't work out in Botswana, huh?
Africa called, and I answered.
Whoo-doggy!
Bernard, natural very it on you looks.
Uh, what mean I is, very it looks natural you on, Bernard.
Comfortable too.
You okay?
No. 
Are you?
Great.
Huh. 
When'd you get back?
Tuesday.
You didn't know?
No. 
I never got your card.
I never sent one.
Well, I just thought you'd... know.
Yeah, right. 
Right.
No blips on the radar.
Wanna get somethin' to eat?
Wanna get somethin' to drink?
You're not thirsty?
Hungry as a horse. 
You?
I'm dry as the Sahara.
Huh.
Huh.
Come on, Red. 
Come on.
Great. 
Here he is.
Case, slides, hotel reservation number.
Wait a minute.
Hey.
Hey. 
What's goin' on?
Good morning, Fleischman.
Is all this yours?
Yeah. 
Off toJuneau.
What, for the summer?
[Chuckling] You know, I'm in such a good mood, O'Connell, not even you can spoil it.
As soon as Red gets here, I'm winging off for three days of nirvana.
Seventy-two hours of freedom.
An entire weekend to forget all about this place... and concentrate on nothin' but seminars and sin.
- Well, Red's not coming.
- What do you mean Red's not coming?
I just spoke to him.
He's got a hot date in Fairbanks, and I wanna see the road company of Les Miz, so we swapped.
Wait a minute. 
What- I don't wanna be swapped.
What difference does it make?
A lot. 
It makes a lot of difference.
I'm sorry, but I wanted to start this trip fresh, and now I've got three hours of you to look forward to.
That's great.
Put a sock in it, Fleischman.
All right. 
Wait. 
What am I saying?
[Grunts]
It's just a plane ride.
As soon as we get toJuneau, life begins again.
There's no O'Connell there.
I don't know you.
I never met you.
You don't exist.
As far as I'm concerned, you'rejust an anonymous bush pilot... whose life is of absolutely no consequence to me.
- Are you through?
- Shall we?
And no funny stuff, O'Connell.
No bumps, no turbulence.
No air pockets.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Jukebox] [Bernard] So this problem started three days ago?
Maybe two. 
Suddenly myself all tied up, getting fouled.
Words not come out right.
Like-Like that.
Sounds like gibberish.
It's not gibberish really.
It's like... inversion, skipped words, missed sentences.
The condition comes and goes?
Mm-hmm.
Eggs sunny-side, home fries, whole wheat.
Sure I can't get you anything, Chris?
No. 
I'm not hungry, Shel.
Mm. 
Love the beanie.
Huh? 
Thanks.
I think you should see Dr. Fleischman.
Can't. 
Juneau he's in.
This could be serious.
Doesn't feel way.
It's more like-
What?
Something's missing, you know?
Uh, I'm out-of-groove.
Fibrillation.
Huh?
It sounds like you need to be defibrillated.
What do you mean, my heart?
No. 
Verbally defibrillated.
If your heart can get out of rhythm, why not your tongue?
Yeah. 
It's interesting.
Well, it's possible that after all these years and all those words, you just need to get retracked.
Like-Like reformatting a hard disk.
Error messages on your "C" drive.
That's interesting.
Very.
Excuse me. 
Uh, doctor in?
Uh-uh.
[Coughing] Uh, know when he'll be back?
Monday.
Oh. 
Where is he?
Juneau.
Oh.
[Coughing]
Got a problem?
Yeah.
Take your shirt off.
[Scoffs] You a doctor?
No, but I watch.
T-shirt.
Sit.
Breathe.
[Wheezing]
Don't breathe.
Breathe.
[Inhales]
Again.
[Inhales]
[Coughs] Open.
Say "Ah." Ahhh.
What's wrong?
Get dressed.
Well?
You're going to die.
- What?
- You're going to die.
- When? 
Why?
- You smoke too much.
I know. 
I'm down to two packs a day.
Down from three.
But
- I've tried nicotine gum, hypnosis.
I was thinkin' maybe about trying that new shoulder-patch thing.
- Think it might help?
- Maybe.
[Joel] Don't give me "turbulence, '"O'Connell.
I know about thermals and wind shear.
That little experiment in terror was not due to natural causes.
You did it on purpose.
Grow up, Fleischman.
You tellin' me that three bounces before touchdown is standard procedure?
It was a crosswind.
Hi.
Welcome toJuneau.
Fleischman.
Joel Fleischman.
[Sighs]
I could have landed that plane better.
You can't drive a stick shift, Fleischman.
[Computer Beeps] Mm.
What? 
What?
I don't know if anyone told you or not, but we had a little water problem in your room last night.
No. 
No one told me.
A broken main.
Everything's fine now, but we have had to do some shuffling around.
Hmm.
Wait. 
I made these reservations weeks ago.
I happen to have a very important presentation tomorrow.
- I'm sure we can straighten things out.
- I'm sure we can too. 
I have a room here.
One moment, please.
This is great.
[Typing] First, I'm forced to fly here with a homicidal man-hater.
Now they screw up my reservation.
Fleischman, try showing a little grace under pressure, huh?
You're in luck.
The manager has agreed to put you and Mrs. Fleischman into our suite.
Whoa. 
I am not Mrs. Fleischman.
Well, we don't pry into the affairs of our guests.
What she means is we're not together.
I mean, not in the together sense of together.
We might have come here together, but we're not an item.
I mean, we're barely friends.
[Sighs] Thank you, Fleischman.
Listen, I have my own reservation.
O'Connell. 
Maggie O'Connell.
I booked it yesterday through White River Travel.
[Beeping]
Now, that's gonna be a problem.
- What?
- Your room is underwater right now.
So-So give me another room.
Well, the suite is all we had.
Well, tough break, O'Connell.
They'll just have to book you into another hotel.
I'm afraid they're filled with our overflow.
Wait a minute. 
You're telling me there's not a single bed in all ofJuneau?
- Not at the moment.
- So, what-What am I supposed to do, sleep in my plane?
Well, Dr. Fleischman's suite comes with two bedrooms.
Perhaps the two of you could- We'll take it.
No way. 
Forget it.
Why?
Why? 
Because I didn't fly all the way toJuneau to be stuck in a hotel room with you, O'Connell.
That's why.
Fleischman, you won't even know I'm there.
Are you delirious?
This is my weekend.
Mine, okay? 
This is my chance to get away from Cicely and meet some other people- some girls- to have sex with strangers.
Fleischman, I'm tired, and it's late.
No, no, no, no, no.
Are you seriously gonna refuse me a place to sleep?
Are you that shallow?
Are you that incredibly small of a human being?
[Clerk] Here you go.
Thank you.
- Oh, excuse me. 
Could you show me and Dr. Schweitzer to my room, please?
- Sure.
- Enjoy your stay.
- Don't push it.
[Radio] [Bernard] Welcome back to K-Bear radio.
You're listening to Chris in the Morning.
Chris in the Late Afternoon actually.
And this isn't Chris Stevens.
It's Bernard Stevens, sitting in for my brother, Chris.
Chill, Cicely. 
For the names may change, the tune remains the same.
And by the way, my brother Chris would like to thank all of you... who've called in to express your support.
We're all hoping for a speedy recovery from whatever it is that's been afflicting him of late.
In the meantime, a big hello to all of you out there from all of me in here.
As you may know, I spent the last three months in Africa, a wondrous, magical place.
But as shadows lengthen across the K-Bear window, thoughts turn to homecoming, journey's end.
Because, in a sense, it's the coming back- the return- which gives meaning to the going forth.
We-We really don't know where we've been... until we've come back to where we were.
Only where we were may not be as it was because of who we've become.
Which, after all, is why we left.
Do you have anything to add, Chris?
[Exhales] Couldn't myself have better it said.
[Radio: 
Baseball Game]
Oh. 
Sorry.
Hey, I'm leavin' in a minute.
You got a key, right?
What?
I said you got a key, right?
I can't hear you.
What?
Key.
You have a key.
Right.
I'll probably be back pretty late.
I'm sure you'll be asleep by the time I get back.
Of course, there's the distinct possibility I may not be back at all.
In which case, don't freak out.
All right?
Yeah, yeah.
I shall be back in the morning to collect my notes.
Okay?
What?
Okay?
What?
O'Con- Fleischman,
- Huh?
- [Grunts]
You ever hear of knocking?
Sorry.
I dropped my earring.
Well, anyway, while you're here, would you mind zipping' me up?
Yeah. 
Turn around.
Thanks.
[Sighs] That's a nice dress.
Is that a dig?
No. 
Why should that be a dig?
Well, you know, coming from you.
Hey, it happens to be a very nice dress.
Well, thank you.
Here, wait a minute.
I'll fix your tie.
It's a little crooked.
There we go.
Thanks.
Mm-hmm.
So, you're goin' to Les Miz, huh?
Yeah.
And then what?
I don't know.
I'll go grab something' to eat, come back here, watch some TV. 
Why?
Nothing. 
I just wanted to make sure that we didn't, you know-
What?
Just meet unexpectedly.
Just that we didn't bump into each other.
Excuse me?
You know, meet in the lobby or something.
Don't worry, Fleischman.
I have no intention of cramping your alleged style.
Hey, all I meant was I-
Bag all the bimbos you want, Fleischman.
It's not a sight I care to see.
Look, I would hardly call an aggregate of highly trained professional women bimbos.
Sluts then?
They're doctors, O'Connell.
Oh.
Skilled specialists.
Doctors, you know?
Right.
Hey, look, it's not like we came here together or anything.
- I didn't ask you to come toJuneau.
- I know, Fleischman. 
I know.
You're right.
And let me tell you something.
If you had, I wouldn't have.
[Radio: 
Sports Announcer] 3 and 2 to Kevin Brown with a runner on first.
[Background] [Chattering]
Hi.
Hello.
Hi there.
That's me right there actually.
[Man] Here you go.
Thanks.
Hi. 
John Harcourt.
Hi.
Dr., uh?
Fleischman.
Joel Fleischman.
Pediatrics. 
Oak Mill, Seattle.
How about you?
Um, general practice.
Cicely, Alaska.
Alaska? 
Really?
Where's Cicely exactly?
[Chattering]
Um, it's, uh- It's kind of northeast actually.
You know, my wife and I have been talking about taking a vacation up here for years.
Maybe you could suggest an itinerary.
Oh, hi.
We have a few weeks in June.
Excuse me. 
Uh, John, I'm- I'm trying to get laid here.
Hi.
Hi.
Hello.
[Woman Laughing, Chattering]
Don't you find this mating dance a bore?
A what?
The small talk, the feigned interest in careers.
When all anybody wants to do is get into somebody else's pants.
[Chuckles] Excuse me?
Coupling and uncoupling.
That's the real agenda of any conference.
Linda Angelo.
Uh, Joel Fleischman.
I know. 
I've been watching you.
You've been watching me?
You're young, you stay in shape, and I'll bet you haven't come across an available New York physician in a long time.
[Exhales] Boy.
You're from New York, huh?
Eighty-second and Lex.
And I am available, Joel.
[Stammers]
So, what do you say?
About what?
Well, life is short.
We could skip dinner and just dive in right now.
Oh, just-just dive in?
[Chuckling] Right.
[Uneasy Laugh] So, what do you really like, Joel?
What do you like?
You like it rough?
Well-
Rough is good, Joel. 
Rough is fine.
Nothing fazes me.
Ooh. 
Ah, um-
Do you know, it's- It's time for my insulin.
Insulin?
I'm gonna- We'll talk later.
[People Murmuring]
[Chris] Hey. 
Serengeti.
[Bernard] Tsavo West actually- the place where man may have been born.
I thought that was Eden.
This very well may be Eden, Shelly.
Oh.
It's really pretty.
[Chris] Masai tribesmen.
[Bernard] Samburu actually.
Oh.
But, like the Masai and the Fulani, they also herd cattle.
All right, wait, wait, wait.
Don't tell me, please, Bernard.
The Congo, right?
Oh, for Pete's sake, Stevens.
Let the man speak.
Sorry, Bernard.
Masai Mara in Serengeti.
Now, this is the village I stopped in on my way to Lake Victoria.
The chief there told me Sir Richard Burton stopped there over a hundred years ago... while seeking a source of the Nile.
[Background] [People Laughing, Chattering]
How's the hypoglycemia?
What? 
Oh.
[Chuckling] Hi.
Is that a nervous smile I see?
Uh, no. 
Not at all.
I came on too strong, didn't I?
It's a turnoff for you, isn't it, Joel?
Uh, well- You feel threatened.
I understand.
You like submissive.
I can do submissive, Joel.
Are you honestly a physician?
Back to careers?
Oh, I thought we'd gotten past that.
Look, um- Linda.
Linda. l-I'm just- I'm not available right now, okay?
Oh, I get it.
What's that?
I've seen it before, Joel.
You can talk the talk, but you can't walk the walk.
I know. 
Your mother gave you baths until high school.
Or maybe it was some traumatic experience during potty training.
Look, baby, it's not that I don't find dysfunction a challenge. 
I do.
But it's work, Joel.
It's work.
I didn't come here to work.
[Footsteps Departing]
[Woman On TV] He's a perfect little cuckoo guy, isn't he?
But we're not gonna do it for $99.
[Man] Whoa. 
Hey.
[Woman Yelps]
[Chattering] [Doorknob Rattling]
Whoa. 
Ooh.
Whoops.
[Maggie] Oh. 
Sorry. 
Sorry. 
Sorry.
O'Connell.
For cryin' out loud, O'Connell.
Hey, Fleischman, you're a boxer man.
- What time is it?
- I always had you pictured as the jockey type.
It's 3:30 in the morning, O'Connell.
I know, Fleischman.
But the night's young for those who have romance in their hearts.
Hi.
Oh! 
Shame on me.
This is, um- Paul.
Dr. Paul.
Brennan.
Dr. Paul Brennan.
Yeah.
Right.
- Dr. Paul.
- Uh, looking forward to your talk tomorrow.
Well, I guess Fleischman wants to be alone.
- Come on, Dr. Paul. [Chuckles] 
- Good night.
He-He picked me up in the bar, Fleischman.
He just couldn't keep his hands off me.
Good night.
[Door Closes]
[Both Laughing] What's wrong with his room?
[Laughing Continues] [TVContinues]
[Maggie Yelps, Continues Laughing, Chattering]
[Woman On TV] ... and the cubic zirconia diamond.
[Volume Increasing] And they are so expensive when you're talking about-
When you get to that size of a ring.
[Maggie Laughing] Look how beautiful it is.
To know you'll be giving a $300-
[Maggie] Morning, Fleischman.
Good morning, O'Connell.
Have a seat.
Ah, thanks. 
I'm starving.
I didn't sleep a wink last night.
I'll bet.
[Waitress] Coffee?
Oh, coffee would be great.
Thank you.
Uh, let's see.
The number four.
With, um, scrambled eggs and sausage, raspberry syrup for the pancakes, sourdough toast and a large orange juice.
All right.
Thanks.
Geez. 
What happened, he didn't let you up for nourishment?
Who?
Who?
Oh. 
Dr. Paul.
Curious, are we?
About what?
Come on, Fleischman.
You wanna know if I slept with him.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
O'Connell, the only interest I may have in what you do between the sheets is strictly clinical.
Clinical?
Yes. 
Naturally, as your physician,
I'm concerned that you take proper precautions to avoid sexually transmitted diseases.
Which I assume you did.
Nice try, Fleischman.
But you're not gonna use a public service announcement to find out if I scored last night.
Hard as this may be to believe, O'Connell, I don't spend my nights... wondering whether you've improved your personal batting average or not.
What you do behind closed doors is your own business.
Fine.
So, did you?
Fleischman, I never fool around on the first date.
Unless I want to.
Well, did you?
Maybe. 
Maybe not.
Oh, okay, Fleischman.
For your prurient information- not that it is any of your business-
[Sighs] no I didn't.
You didn't?
No. 
I changed clothes, and then we went dancing.
Oh.
What about you?
Any luck?
Yeah. 
Actually, I met someone very interesting, but, um- Mm-hmm?
You know, first night, and I wanted to get my notes in order.
Besides, they had a new print of The Bicycle Thief on cable in the room.
The Bicycle Thief?
Yeah.
Vittorio De Sica, 1948.
It's only the most important film in postwar neorealism, O'Connell.
Oh. 
I don't know how I missed it.
[Ship's Horn Blowing In Distance]
Next.
[Man Chattering]
Number four.
That's me.
- Hi, Ed. 
I'm back.
- Oh!
I've got this killer headache, Marilyn.
Sit.
And I keep seeing these tiny yellow and purple dots when I close my eyes.
How long?
Since I woke up.
Allergies?
I don't think so.
I mean, I tried this really strange blush on once and broke out in hives, but that was a long time ago.
Hangover.
No.
Bump your head?
No.
[Sniffs] What's that?
Lady Stetson. 
Wayne sent it to me for our six-month anniversary- of our divorce, I mean.
I think Cindy put him up to it.
Bug spray.
[Sniffs]
We've been having this ant problem lately.
The creeps have been getting into the dry goods- raisins, Froot Loops, that kind of thing.
So, yesterday I nuked 'em to kingdom come.
What?
You think my brain's on tilt from ant bomb?
[Gasps] What do I do?
Don't leave food around.
Next.
[Radio] The robes are from Mombasa.
High quality, low price.
Okay. 
Fertility dolls.
I look at 'em as a novelty item.
And they're from Kenya.
They're very nice, Bernard, but I can't see trying to move these in Cicely.
Don't underestimate the growing presence of the third world, Ruth-Anne.
I don't.
My Guatemalan handbags are a staple.
But I know my market.
How about the chess set?
Hand-carved.
Bernard, I know you've been out of the country, but there's a recession on.
Genuine ebony.
Made by the chief himself.
Well, $45. 
Take it or leave it.
I'll take it.
That's unusual. 
I've never seen anything quite like that.
What is it?
A moth.
Half a moth, actually, encased in amber.
And it's over a hundred years old.
How much do you want for it?
It's not for sale.
Well, I was on my way to buy some goatskin bags in Dar es Salaam, and this old peddler put it in my hand and said it was meant for me.
Well, there's a line if I ever heard it.
Worked too.
I bought the necklace, forgot about the bags.
You know, the next day, I woke up with this urge to get rid of my Western clothes.
Really?
I don't know if they're related.
But this is definitely not for sale.
What happened to the other half of the moth?
I don't know.
Hmm.
[Joel] Now, severe bilateral middle ear infections... were virtually pandemic among this target population 40 years ago.
Now, today, though the numbers have been greatly reduced, um, the problems still persist.
All right. 
Lights, please.
Just last month, I got a call from Whitewater... to examine this three-year-old suffering from an acute case of otitis media.
But for every case of hot ear I see, there are dozens of cases of Effusia that go undetected.
Uh, next. 
No, uh-
[Exhales] Um
- Next, please.
Here we go.
Okay, here we go.
This, of course, is the familiar Escherichia coli, the causative agent in many cases of suppurative otitis media.
Next. 
What?
Um
- Um, I'm sorry.
Obviously, my assistant must have mixed in some, um, personal-
Maggie O'Connell is a bush pilot.
Next, please.
What? 
Oh.
Really, I'm sorry.
I don't know how these, um-
Next. 
Wait. 
Wait, wait.
Stop. 
That was it. 
Okay.
Okay, wait. 
Stop.
[Background] Hey, do they give you these uniforms, or do you have to buy 'em?
Uh, they give them to us.
I always wondered.
It's nice, the piping and all.
Thank you, sir.
Ever been to New York?
No. 
Nope.
Never been there.
That's where I'm from.
Queens actually.
People think of New York, they always think of Manhattan.
But there's five boroughs.
Did you know that?
No, I didn't.
Yeah. 
Five.
Five little towns all in themselves.
There's Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn- That's the home of doo-wop.
Dion and the Belmonts- "I Wonder Why." [Man] Bell up front, please.
- That's me. 
Take it easy.
- Catch you later.
Not available, huh?
Huh?
I just had this family practice guy up in my room.
He says he's not married.
Right.
I unhook my bra, he starts to cry.
Just a nut.
So, look, Joel, we can run up to my room right now, do the deed... and both get a good night's sleep.
I could iron those wrinkles out of your forehead.
Please.
[Laughs] Okay. 
Okay, I can play along.
You need control. 
Fine.
You've turned me down.
I'm walking away. 
See?
I'll be in 402 when you change your mind.
[Radio]
[Door Opens]
Hey, O'Connell.
What are you doin' here?
Oh. 
Sorry.
Sorry?
[Clears Throat] For interrupting.
Interrupting what?
Isn't there somebody in there?
Why would somebody be in the bathroom?
I don't know.
You're opening the champagne.
No, O'Connell, nobody's in there.
Nobody under the bed, nobody in the closet.
I think it's safe to say there's not an eligible woman within 20 floors of this room.
Hmm.
[Cork Pops]
You want some?
[Chuckles] Sure. 
Why not?
I'd like a little bubbly.
Thanks, Fleischman.
Something to eat?
I got peanuts or... peanuts.
[Sighs]
[Laughs] So, how'd your speech go?
Please, I really- I don't wanna talk about it.
Well, to tell you the truth, Fleischman,
I just kind of had a feeling like I wanted to be somewhere else, you know?
Somewhere else?
Yeah.
You mean, like- Well, like... here.
Here? 
Here in this hotel?
[Clears Throat] Well, here in this room actually.
Hmm.
Well, to be quite honest, Fleischman, I- [Clears Throat] I had a feeling you might be here.
And-Well, don't ask me why, but I thought maybe you'd wanna have dinner or something.
You know, just a bite.
You and me... get something to eat?
Forget it.
I don't know why I asked.
No. 
No, no.
I'm just
- Hey.
I'm just surprised.
That's all.
Look, Fleischman,
I haven't had any sleep in two whole days, and I'm obviously just not thinking straight, so-
Hey, just stop.
What?
Well, you wanna have dinner or something?
Do you?
Well, I could, yeah.
Do you?
Okay.
Okay. 
So?
So? 
Where do you wanna go?
I don't know.
You feel like, uh, Mexican?
In Juneau?
Chinese?
[Exhales] O'Connell.
Is this the effects of 36 hours of sleep deprivation?
Do you care?
Uh, do you?
Mmm.
Wait. 
Stop.
We'd better figure this out.
Why?
Because.
Are you serious about this?
Fleischman, we're both over 21, single, free, H.I.V. -negative.
Aren't we?
Yeah. 
But-
Then shut up, Fleischman.
For once in your life, just shut up.
Hold that thought.
All right.
Yes.
We'll meet back where?
In the middle.
All right.
Okay.
Middle of whose room?
Your room? 
My room?
In the bed.
In the middle of the bed.
Fine.
Fine.
Whose bed?
Just find me, Fleischman.
[Gargling, Spitting]
[Exhales]
O'Connell?
No.
O'Connell?
[Sighing]
O'Connell.
Hey. 
O'Connell, it's me.
It's Fleischman.
Mm.
O'Connell?
[Murmuring]
[Door Closes]
[Moans]
Mm.
Whoa! 
Hi.
Hey! 
Hoo.
[Both Out Of Breath]
So, you were getting feet?
Legs, torso, veld.
Neck and head for me.
Giraffes?
On the run.
Serengeti?
Had to be.
Oh, man, this is too strange.
Very. 
Huh. 
Very, very.
Wow.
Half dream.
Half soul?
Half-baked.
What?
Well, certain cultures believe that, when you dream, your soul becomes a moth that travels the world.
It's why some tribes don't allow cats where they sleep- 'cause they're afraid their souls are gonna be captured before they return.
Karmic freeze-out, huh?
That's the theory.
Bernard, that's only half a moth.
You did only remember half the songs you played, only spoke in half sentences.
Generally, I've been half there only.
Absolutely.
What are you sayin'?
Ours is a bond that goes beyond the genetic coil, Chris.
We the same moth share.
So to speak.
By my goin' to Africa- Buying the talisman-
Somehow, half your moth got lost out there.
Limped back on one wing.
Possibly.
Whoa!
Whoa!
I'm not buying that for one second.
Are you, Bernard?
Well, it is a stretch.
Give it to me.
[Joel] Good morning.
Fresh coffee over there.
[Maggie] Morning, Fleischman.
Thanks.
So.
So.
Yeah.
[Chuckles] Last night.
Yeah, what about last night?
Yeah, well, uh-
Well, you know, it was, uh, interesting.
Unbelievable is more like it.
Unbelievable? 
Well, yeah.
Incredible.
Right.
What, you've done that before?
No. 
No, no, no.
Of course not.
I mean, you know, um-
Well, not like... that.
I mean, it was- It was different and-and special.
Special?
[Stammering] Well, wh-what I mean is, it was
- It was great.
I mean, it was fabulous.
You were great.
I mean, I never felt so great.
I was great?
Yeah.
I mean, you were, uh
- It was everything I ever dreamed of and more.
Much, much more.
How-How was I?
Uh, well. 
You. 
Uh-
Honestly? 
Um, not bad.
That's it? 
Not bad?
Not bad, being the first time and all.
I disappointed you, didn't I?
Well-
Tell me. 
I can handle it.
Well, I mean, I don't want you to take this personally, O'Connell, but, uh-
No. 
Please.
I kind of hoped you'd- you'd have moved more.
You know?
[Chuckles] Moved more?
Really? 
Me?
I didn't move?
- Well, I was tired.
- Yeah. 
Still, I mean, it was interesting.
- Interesting?
- Yeah. 
Well, the thing with the-
The what? 
What thing?
You don't remember?
You're telling me you don't remember?
No. I
- I remember.
Well, I hope so.
I remember. 
I just, uh- What?
I just-Well-
Well, I think I'm gonna go pack.
- Right.
- Right.
Okay.
Okay.
[Sighs]
[Radio]
[Ends] All right. 
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm back.
That's right. 
Chris in the Morning is once again Chris in the Morning.
Mind and body are one, all systems go, mens sana in corpore sano.
To which I can only add, mirabile dictu.
I'll second that.
Ladies and gentlemen, that's my brother, Bernard- my karmic doppelganger, my buddy, my twin- who pulled me out of my time in trouble.
Bernard, lean on in here and say a few words to the good people of Cicely, huh?
Great to see you all again.
Glad you enjoyed the slide show.
Oh, by the way, don't forget the Pan-African boutique at Ruth-Anne's.
All right. 
Here's a little juju from Nigeria to get you in the mood.
[Radio]
Well, here we are, Fleischman.
We're back.
Oh, we're back home, back to Cicely.
Good old Cicely- with The Brick... and Chris's station and Ruth-Anne's store.
You can stop your chattering, O'Connell.
I got something to tell you.
What?
Now, last night-
No, no, no, Fleischman.
Let me go first.
Me first.
No, no, no, no.
No, look, Fleischman.
O'Connell.
What happened happened.
I mean, no regrets.
We were away from home, and we forgot who we were.
And that's fine.
You know, that's fine.
And I'm glad it happened...
in a way, sort of.
You're making a big mistake.
No, no. 
The thing is, now that we're back here, Fleischman, now that we're back amongst people that count, it- it-
Well, it's embarrassing.
You know? 
Embarrassing.
[Scoffs] Embarrassing?
Well, yeah. 
I mean, Fleischman, that-that-that you, we, you know, I would sleep with you- I mean, it's just-
I mean, I just couldn't face anybody if that got out.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I mean, I-
[Sighs] I confess.
There have been times when I've- l-I've actually had certain thoughts about you.
But I would never, never want anybody to know that I had actually gone to bed with you.
Because, I mean, if someone knew, I'djust, like-
I couldn't face them. 
I couldn't look 'em in the eye ever again. 
Ever.
Do you understand?
So what I'm saying is that, if you could, uh, well, you know, kind of, if we could keep it to ourselves?
I would really, really appreciate it if you just wouldn't tell anybody.
Okay, Fleischman?
Please?
Yeah. 
We'll forget it ever happened.
Yeah. 
You know, like, uh- [Chuckles]
- Like we fell asleep.
- Exactly.
Well, not exactly.
[Murmuring]
Say no more, O'Connell.
I get the message.
Okay, so we have a deal?
My lips are sealed.
Thanks. 
Great.
Okay.
See ya, Fleischman.
See ya.
[Door Opens, Closes] [Joel] Hey, Marilyn.
Don't you even wanna know how it went?
[Scoffs] Were there any problems when I was away?
No.
Hey, Marilyn, let me ask you something.
Just hypothetically, if you happened to sleep with me, afterwards, would you think that it was great?
Or would you basically pretend I didn't exist?
I'll be in my office.
[Radio]
"In dreams begin responsibility. '"
So wrote the poet.
So it is perhaps.
Could it be that we take our dreams too lightly?
Those... images from places unknown.
Could they, in fact, be angels in flight, our souls aloft?
You know, recent experiences have made yours truly... take another pass through the metaphysical thickets, and... as unlikely as it may sound in this rational age,
I emerged on the side of those that cannot help but put their faith... in that which cannot be easily explained.
Be open to your dreams, people.
Embrace that distant shore.
'Cause our mortal journey is over all too soon.
"The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces,
"the solemn temples, the great globe itself,
"yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve...
"and, like this insubstantial pageant faded, leave not a rack behind.
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep"

[Chorus] ## The Simpsons ##
[Bell Ringing]
[Whistle Blowing]
[ Beeping ]
## [Jazzy Solo ]
[ Beeping ]
[ Tires Screeching ]
D'oh!
[ Screams ]
[Man] COPS: 
In Springfield.
- ####[Reggae] - [ Screaming ]
All right, boys, time to bag us a cattle rustler.
What in God's name Are you doing?
Isn't this 742 Evergreen Terrace?
No, that's next door.
[ Mooing ]
Close, but no doughnut, cops.
This is Papa Bear. 
Put out an A.P.B. for a male suspect... driving a... car of some sort... heading in the direction of, uh... you know, that place that sells chili.
Suspect is hatless.
Repeat, hatless.
Honey, you really shouldn't eat so much in bed.
It's not good for your heart.
My heart is just f-- [ Gasps, Groans ]
- Homie, what is it?
-Just workin' the turkey through.
There it goes!
Hey, Lise, there was a big train wreck last night. 
Do you wanna see the victims?
- Hmm, okay.
- Yaah!
- Bart, that's gross!
- You're right. 
Let's bury them at sea. 
Bleah!
- Da-a-d!
- [ Gasping ]
- What's wrong?
- You know that feeling you get... when a thousand knives of fire are stabbing you in the heart?
I got that right now.
Ooh! 
Bacon!
Homer, I prepared a special Surprise just for you.
It could only be one thing.
Psst! 
The best meat's in the rump.
- Here you go.
- What the hell is this?
- Nice, healthy oatmeal.
- Ooh, oatmeal.
What a delightful treat.
Oh, there's a bug in it.
- No, there isn't.
- Trust me.
Dad, there's a bug on that.
Eh.
[ Horn Honking ]
Come on, come on!
- Oh, dear. 
Now you've done it.
- [Banging]
[ Growling ]
[Heart Beating]
[ Horn Honking ]
I keep hearing this horrible irregular thumping noise.
[Heart Beating: 
Irregular]
It's your heart.
And I think it's on its last thump.
Whew! 
I was afraid it was my transmission.
Hey, where's he goin'?
Billy, remember that old Plymouth We just couldn't fix?
- We're gonna sell him to Mr. Nikapopolus?
- You're a dull boy, Billy.
Look at that pig stuffing his face with doughnuts on my time!
That's right. 
Keep eating.
Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poisoned doughnut.
[ Chuckling ] There is a poisoned one-- isn't there, Smithers?
Uh, no, sir. 
I discussed this with our lawyers.
They consider it murder.
Damn their oily hides!
[ Snoring ]
Bring him to me!
- [ Beating Rapidly] - [Mr. Burns]Relax, Simpson.
I just brought you in here for a friendly hello.
- [ Sighs ] - [ Beating Slows ]
And good-bye!
You're fired!
- [ Gasps ] 
- But wait.
Perhaps I'm being Too hasty.
- You are highly skilled...
- [ Sighs ]
- at goofing off!
.
- [ Groans ]
Now, don't worry, Homer.
You're the kind of guy I could really dig...
- a grave for!
- [ Gasps ]
Your indolence is inefficacious!
Oh?
That means you're terrible!
[ Gasping, Screaming ]
- [Thud] 
- Hmm?
Mr. Burns, I think he's dead.
Oh, dear.
Send a ham to his widow.
Mmm. 
Ham.
No, wait. 
He's alive.
- Oh, good. 
Cancel the ham.
- D'oh!
[ Siren Wailing ]
- Wow, look at that.
How do they know to cross there?
- [ Groaning ]
He was taking a bite, and his jaw locked.
Hey, look. 
I can fit my entire fist in here.
[ Muffled ] Hey, hey, hey. 
Cut it out.
- What's that, Chief?
- Cut it out.
####[Reggae]
Ooh. 
Buy three tubes of Mr. Blister...
- get one free.
- [Phone Ringing]
Hello. 
Yes.
Oh, dear Lord!
Homer's in the hospital!
They think it's his heart!
- [Door Shuts] 
- Oh, my God.
- What?
- Five cents off wax paper.
- Clear!
- [ Groans ]
[ Steady Beep ]
- [ Beep Continues ] 
- More.
[ Groaning ] Thank you.
Oh, Homie, I was so frightened!
Marge, my whole life flashed before my eyes.
Ah, little Homer.
How'd he get that?
## [ Angelic Singing ]
What a voice. 
Young Homer is going to make me a millionaire.
## [ Voice Cracks, Deepens ]
Hey, my voice just changed.
## [ Singing Tunelessly]
Dagnabbit!
Mr. Simpson, I'm afraid you've just had a mild heart attack.
But I'm out of the woods now, right?
I mean, whatever doesn't kill me can only make me stronger.
Oh, no.
Quite the opposite.
It's made you weak as a kitten.
[ Chuckles ]
- Look!
- Hey, come on. 
Quit it.
- Coochy coochy coo!
- Stop. 
Please stop.
Oh, you swing like a girl.
Come on, now.
- Please have mercy.
- Got your nose.
- [ Chuckling ] 
- Not funny.
How 'bout this little bee?
[ Buzzing ]
No! 
Oh!
Remember your hippopotamus oath.
- Can't you do something for him?
- Well, we can't fix his heart... but we can tell you exactly how damaged it is.
What an age we live in!
Now, what you see here is the radioactive dye we injected... flowing through your husband's circulatory system.
But, Doctor, I haven't injected the dye yet!
- Good Lord.
- Hi.
Now, Homer, this is a new body fat analysis test.
I start you jiggling and measure how long it takes to stop.
Whoo-hoo!
Look at that blubber fly!
Yes.
Nurse, cancel my 1 :00.
Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo a coronary bypass operation.
- Say it in English, Doc.
- You're going to need open-heart surgery.
Spare me your medical mumbo jumbo.
We're going to cut you open and tinker with your ticker.
- Could you dumb it down a shade?
- Doctor, we'll do whatever it takes to get my Homie well.
Good.
I must warn you though.
This procedure will cost you upwards of... $30,000.
- [Homer Gasps, Cries Out] - [Thud]
[Dr. Hibbert] I'm afraid it's now 40,000.
Okay, Okay. 
We need $40,000. 
Now, how much do we have in the checkbook?
- Seventy dollars.
- Hmm.
Have we deposited any $40,000 checks that haven't cleared yet?
No. 
Don't you have health insurance at work?
Well, actually, we gave it all up for a pinball machine in the lounge.
- D'oh!
- Don't worry, Marge.
America's health care system is second only to Japan...
Canada, Sweden, Great Britain-- well, all of Europe.
But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay.
[ Sobbing ]
[ Electricity Crackling ]
Now, before we give you health insurance, I have to ask you a few questions.
Questions? 
Questions?
Oh!
My whole scheme down the-- I mean, ask away.
Oh, good.
Now, under "heart attacks,"
you crossed out "3" and wrote "0."
Oh, I thought that said "brain hemorrhages."
Uh-huh.
And, uh, do you drink?
I do enjoy a snifter of port at Christmas.
All right.
Here's your policy.
Now let me tell you something, Mr. Sucker. 
I just--
Oh, hold on there.
Uh, you still have to sign it.
Oh. 
I-- [ Gasps ]
Must... sign... policy!
Sir, I'm sorry.
We can't insure you.
- I made an "H." 
- No, that doesn't count.
It's like an "X." [ Groans ]
Hey, we'd better get you to a hospital.
- Can I have a free calendar?
- Okay.
- Clear!
- [ Groaning ]
Oh, Doctor, I was in a wonderful place filled with fire and brimstone.
And there were all these guys in red pajamas sticking pitchforks in my butt.
Mr. Simpson, you must get that operation as soon as possible.
I can't afford it. 
Maybe I should buy one of those machines.
[ Groaning ] Oh, yeah. 
That's the stuff.
Now, I know I haven't been the best Christian.
In fact, when you're up there "blah, blah, blah-ing,"
I'm usually doodling or mentally undressing the female parishioners.
Well, anyhoo, can I have $40,000?
Now, I know I haven't been the best Jew... but I rented Fiddler on the Roof, and I will watch it.
- Anyway, can I have $40,000?
- Hmm?
Now, I know I haven't been the best-- Oh, forget it.
- Honey, did you have any luck?
- No, but the rabbi gave me this.
- What is it, Dad?
- Son, they call it a "droodle."
Whoo-hoo!
Look at it go!
Hi, everybody! 
Are you looking for a way to slash the cost... of your medical expenses?
- Boring!
- Wait! 
This might be the answer we're looking for.
I will perform any operation for 1 29.95.
Come in for brain surgery... and receive a free Chinese finger trap.
[ Grunting ]
Okay, friend.
You tried the best. 
Now try the rest.
Call 1 -600-DOCTORB.
The "B" is for "bargain"!
Well, Marge, we could do worse.
- How?
- Uh, some dog could do the operation.
Operation?
What are you talking about?
Kids, I have something to tell you.
Oh, Homie, I don't know.
This might upset them.
Nothing you say can upset us.
We're the MTV generation.
- We feel neither highs nor lows.
- Really? 
What's it like?
- Eh.
- Well, you kids are old enough to know the truth... and I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.
So the tiny Aorta fairies will take Mr. Leg Vein on a long trip... to get married to Princess Left Ventricle.
Dad, are you trying to tell us you're getting a coronary artery bypass graft?
- Uh, yeah.
- Oh, no.
What if they botch it?
I won't have a dad... for a while.
[ Sobbing ]
Kids. 
Kids.
I'm not gonna die.
- That only happens to bad people.
- What about Abraham Lincoln?
Uh-
- He sold poisoned milk to schoolchildren.
- Homer!
- Hey, I'm just trying to make it easier on 'em.
Bedgoes up. 
Bedgoes down.
Bedgoes up. 
Bedgoes down.
Bed goes up.
Bed goes down.
- Bed goes up. 
Bed goes down.
- [Flanders]Homer Simpson!
Well, if that don't put the "dink" in co-inky-dink.
Flanders, what are you doin' here?
I'm having a kidney and a lung removed.
- Who are you donating 'em to?
- First come, first serve. 
What are you in for?
- I got a bad heart.
- If I could give you my heart, Homer, I would.
Shut up, Flanders.
Hi, everybody!
I'm Dr. Nick Riviera.
Dr. Riviera. 
Dr. Nick Riviera.
Please report to the coroner immediately.
The coroner?
I'm so sick of that guy.
Well, see you in the operating place.
- [ All Chattering ] 
- Where are the bodies?
Oh, such a nice day.
I think I'll go out the window.
- Ho!
- [Objects Clattering]
Dear Lord, thank you For Ziggy comics, little baby ducks... and Sweatin' to the Oldies, volumes one, two and four.
Dear Lord, I'm really scared about this operation tomorrow.
If something happens, please look after Marge...
- and make sure my kids grow up right.
- Shh!
Sorry.
- And that's why God causes train wrecks.
- Ah!
My dad is very sick.
What's gonna happen if he dies?
Well, if he's been good, he'll go to heaven.
In heaven, you get to do Whatever you like best all the time.
Cloud goes up.
Cloud goes down.
Cloud goes up.
Cloud goes down.
Bed goes up.
Bed goes down.
Hey, hey!
[ Chuckling ]
- [ Gasps, Groans ] 
- Hey, what's the matter?
Oh, that's right. 
My grotesque appearance.
[ Chuckling ]
- Krusty, why are you here?
- Eh, it's part of my public service... for my glug-glug, vroom-vroom, thump-thump.
Oh. 
Well, I could use a good laugh.
Well, there's nothing funny about What you're about to go through.
I know.
I'm in the zipper club myself.
- Ahh!
- You seem okay.
Yeah? 
Well, I got news for ya.
This ain't makeup.
They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son.
I've never fully understood why that is.
Frankly, I can see an upside to it.
[ Laughing ]
We passed this card around at work.
- Gee, thanks, guys.
- They had a hell of a time replacing ya.
When I first heard about the operation, I was against it.
But then I thought, if Homer wants to be a woman, so be it.
Barney, I'm not getting a sex change!
What? 
Well, what the hell am I supposed to do... with this jumbo thong bikini?
Uh, Homer, I snuck you in a beer for old times' sake.
Thanks, Moe.
Uh, you know, Homer, that beer ain't free.
Mom, this is fascinating.
Did you know that they'll stop Dad's heart for six whole minutes?
[ Groans ] I don't know if I like you reading all those cardiology books.
No, Mom.
It's very reassuring.
And I've learned a great deal from this cow's heart I got at the butcher shop.
- [ Groans ] - [Man]Insert the retractor... and crank it until the ribs swing open like a rusty drawbridge.
- [ Bones Cracking ] 
- Ah! 
No! 
Blood! 
Ugh!
Next, make an incision in the coronary artery--
And we are back with more of People Who Look Like Things.
- ####[Theme] - [People Applauding]
Oh, no! 
No!
Someone taped over the end of this!
All we ask is to be treated with dignity and respect.
And a new candle now and then?
- Yes, and a new ca-
- No!
- [People Laughing]
Oh, my little Maggie.
I may never hold you again.
Ew! 
Stinky pants!
Now, Marge, if the unthinkable should happen, you're gonna be lonely-- 
- Oh, Homie, I could never remarry.
- Darn right.
And to make sure, I want to be stuffed and put on the couch...
- as a constant reminder of our marital vows.
- Ohh. 
Kids?
You can come in now.
Bed goes up-- Kids...
I want to give you some words to remember me by in case something happens.
Let's see. 
Uh-- 
- Oh, I'm no good at this.
- [ Whispering ]
Bart, the saddest thing about this is I won't get to see you grow up, because--
[ Whispering ]
I know you're gonna turn out great, with or without your old man.
- Thanks, Dad.
- And Lisa--
[ Whispering ]
I guess this is the time to tell you-  [ Whispering ] -you're adopted and I don't like you.
Bart!
But don't worry, because you've got a big brother who loves you... and will always look out for you.
[ Sobbing ] Oh, Dad.
- Hi, everybody!
- Hi, Dr. Nick!
- [ Snoring ] 
- Now, if something should go wrong... let's not get the law involved.
One hand washes the other.
Ooh, that reminds me.
These gloves came free with my toilet brush.
What the hell is that?
Marge, this is Andre.
Hello.
[ Chuckles ]
I think you two would make a lovely couple.
My husband is still alive!
Oh. 
Thank God.
I hope he pulls through.
Not me.
[ Chuckles ]
Let's have a minute of silent prayer... for our good friend, Homer Simpson.
- How long has it been?
- Six seconds.
- Do we have to start over?
- Hell, no.
Poor Mr. Homer.
Could it be that my snack treats...
- are responsible for his wretched health?
- Gimme some jerky.
- Would you like some vodka with that?
- Oh, what the hell. 
Sure.
Doctor, what's wrong?
Don't you know where to make the incision?
All right, Nick.
Don't panic.
Think back to med school.
Seriously, baby.
I can prescribe anything I want.
I know I'm supposed to cut something, but what? 
And where?
Hey! 
The incision in the coronary artery... must be made below the blockage!
- Below!
- Thanks, little girl!
## [ Singing ]
Uh-oh.
Goodnews!
The operation was a complete success.
Oh, that's wonderful!
Mmm!
Hmm.
## [ Humming ]
Dr. Nick Riviera, remember me?
Well if it isn't my old friend Mr. McGreg... with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.
All right, Dad!
You rule intensive care!
[ Sniffles ]
- [ People Chattering ] 
- Shh!

SHOCHIKU FILMS
Production by Fuji TV and Kyoto Eiga
In collaboration with Eizo Kyoto
Cut on the lower, right side of the abdomen.
Depth: 9 cm.
Stabbing wound.
On her back Identical wounds
In two... no, in three places.
Left hand...
Two severed fingers.
THE OIL HELL MURDER Onna Goroshi Abura Jigoku
Bamboo baskets!
Bamboo baskets!
Bamboo baskets for rice!
Round baskets!
Bamboo baskets!
Bamboo baskets!
Bamboo baskets for rice!
Round baskets!
I'll give him the money.
We are very embarassed.
Our request has been very bothersome for you.
Not at all. 
Don't worry about it.
We all are oil merchants, arent' we?
I'm glad I could be of help.
Don't say anything to her brother, Tahei.
It must be hard on you.
I'm not his father, but in honor of my late master,
I want to take care of his son.
Yohei's a smart boy.
He'll eventually...
Give this to my brother.
What is it?
Something he cherished a lot.
And tell him that I, Okachi, I'll always stand by him.
I broke the stove.
I broke the mortar,
I got scolded, hoy!
That's funny!
A watermelon A melon
A grilled eggplant
Wanna eat them!
Wanna eat them!
Excuse- me.
I'd Iike my usual oil.
Yes!
Listen, I have something important to talk with Yohei.
Go play outside.
Yes, ma'am.
Play what?
Thank you very much.
Here's the sales made while you were out.
Here.
Greedy ol' man. 
Can't believe he actually coughed it up.
Yohei, if you accept this money, you have to quit being a bum.
You must go home and help the store and help your parents.
D'you really need money to break up with that bad woman?
Don't talk to me about that anymore.
As a matter of fact, who is the one you're involved with?
You don't know what you're talking!
I'm involved with no one.
Women are scary...
And they tire me.
It's true. 
I've had enough.
You know,
I used to baby sit you when you were this big.
I could tell just by looking at your face, if your diaper was wet.
And?
Is it now?
You're stupid.
I trust you.
We've agreed, haven't we?
You're going back home, and you're going to work hard.
Thank you. 
Thank you very much.
Your sister, Okachi, is very worried about you.
She told me she'd always be on your side.
What are you doing?
My hair!
That hurts.
You scared me...
I didn't realize you had become so strong.
What... what are these?
Senju, from the Ogi house,
Koyoshi, from the Sumiyoshi house,
Ukifune from the Tori house, Akashi, Chikuzen...
You were with all these geisha?
There's nothing that surprising.
I was sure you'd react that way.
More!
Alright.
Supper's ready!
Shall I warm some sake?
What are you looking for?
These are mostly Yohei's.
He calls this box...
"The Love Suicides box".
Love suicide?
He put prostitutes letters in here, pledges written in blood, hair from a woman who killed herself, and a nail torn from a pinky.
Yohei asked me to throw everything away.
We let him stay here out of compassion, but he's an adult now.
We don't want people to talk.
Send him back to the Kawachi house at once, before they start gossiping.
But I used to change his diapers!
At 20, he's no baby anymore.
Get a grip, stupid!
"This couple is on public display for 3 days..."
"...before being executed for adulterous relations."
Tenjin bridge is rather high,
And if you fall from it, take care...
One shu if you make them say something.
Come on!
Shout!
Well?
Morons!
Shall we let them be?
No way!
You're a wimp!
Come on! 
Come on!
Say something!
Come on!
"KOBAI SEX CLUB"
You can't go in!
I'm sorry.
There's been a death in the family.
I have to bring her home.
I'm sorry.
Is she in this room?
Yes.
We've done something stupid.
Very stupid...
Punish us, if you feel like it.
I...
I'm really ashamed.
Let's get out of here.
Come.
Moron!
It's no show!
Close the door!
Could you get a palanquin?
She's going back to Hachimansuji.
If you don't mind, we'll wait here.
What a surprise.
Are you going to tell my parents?
I don't know.
If you talk to them, I'm not going back home.
Why this whim?
Please, don't tell them anything.
You know, our shop is connected to the one ran by your father.
If he finds out what happened last night, we'd be thrown out from the Oil Merchants' Association.
But I'm asking you.
I beg you.
Don't tell my parents anything.
Kogiku...
Since when have you been seeing Yohei?
I...
I'm not in love with him.
He's too sophisticated.
I asked him not to see each other anymore, but he said that, if I left him, he'd kill me.
We have fun with geisha, attend parties, we gamble, and every time,
I pay for everything.
Kogiku, are you really telling me the truth?
Why'd I lie?
Did Yohei really tell you he'd kill you?
This boy, he's a skirt chaser.
Very well.
What happened last night we'll stay between us.
Really?
- That's good to know!
- But, you're not to see him anymore.
Promise me.
I do. 
And if I break my word, you can punish me.
What's so funny?
What will happen if it gets out?
Your parents will have to close shop.
Yes, I know it very well.
Do you really understand this?
I'm sorry.
Kogiku told me she didn't love you anymore.
She said that?
She said you were a skirt chaser.
You know, she's making fun of you.
Don't you hold it against her?
You should be angry, very angry.
Yes...
Just this once,
I won't tell your parents anything.
And as for you, you must stop seeing her.
Agreed?
Yes...
- Agreed?
- Yes!
Thank you.
I won't see her anymore.
You should work hard to help your parents, and do your filial duty.
You're not a child anymore.
Yes.
But don't you ever hit me again.
You hurt me.
Oil! 
Oil!
Lighting oil!
Thank you very much.
Lighting oil!
Oil! 
Oil!
Lighting oil!
Buy my oil!
Best prices around!
Well? 
Doing good?
Not terribly.
D'you think we should go sell somewhere else?
Yohei, oil doesn't make much.
Did you sleep with Kogiku?
I'm asking if you slept with her?
- What?
- I'm not blind!
Good Lord...
The bastard...
The bastard!
Bamboo poles!
Okichi! 
It's awful!
Why are you shouting so?
What's the matter?
Yohei has seduced Kogiku, the daughter of the Oguraya house!
Yesterday evening, they were arrested sleeping together.
They were in a sex club in Sakamachi.
And then?
The Ogura house used its influence to set them free.
But the Kawachi house will have problems.
We've got to suport it.
No.
No, no.
He's at Ogura house, where he's moralized because of Yohei.
Swine!
You only are the son of an ordinary oil merchant!
We, the Ogura house, we've been running the Association for a long time!
Your father used to work as a clerk for me!
Forgetting all that I did for him, you had the nerve to seduce my only daughter!
How did you bring him up?
You completely blew his education!
You should leave the Association!
I mean it!
He made too many problems!
I have a question.
Kogiku what did she say about me?
Impudent!
Swine!
What a nerve!
You threatened to kill her if she left her.
Who told you that?
She did! 
Who else?
Just this once.
There will be no next time.
If you close shop, you won't have a home to go back to.
If you ever come near our Kogiku again, you'll get yours.
Swine!
Aren't you ashamed?
Swine!
If our father were alive, he'd have hit you as much.
- I won't leave her.
- What?
We're in love with each other!
I couldn't care less about oil business, about the shop!
I'm ready to die!
Bastard!
Tahei!
Forgive your brother!
Do with me whatever you want!
Yohei!
Sit!
He's a dog in rut.
He needs to be locked up for a few days at least.
Yohei was only four when your father died.
He knows very well that, at that time,
I was only a small clerk, bossed around by every one.
What ever I say to him, he doesn't listen.
Don't stay that.
We owe it to you for having brought us up.
Drive him away.
Drive this debauched away.
Throw him out.
Let him move his ass out of here.
Excuse me.
Maybe it's not my business, but if I tried talking to him...
Yohei.
- Yohei!
- It hurts!
They're all against me.
Let me go.
Listen.
Do you really mean it?
What about?
Don't play stupid.
Do you really love Kogiku, the daughter of the Ogura house?
Of course.
You're lying.
Tell me, why are you trying so hard to resist them?
Your father-in-law and your mother were crying.
Did you notice this?
They disgust me.
Who are they, to call me a skirt chaser?
This clerk took over our trade and put his grip on my mother.
He raised you like a son.
Why talk about him this way?
- He isn't a jerk.
- He is!
After doing what he did, he asks me to break up!
For the sake of the reputation of the house?
Bullshit!
I don't give a damn about the Asssociation!
I won't let myself be duped.
If he makes me leave Kogiku we'll both commit suicide.
I'll kill her first, and then myself.
A double suicide.
There're a lot of those right now.
Very well.
If you want to kill yourself, show me how you'll do it.
"The moment came to bid this world adieu."
"The morrow its dew on the plain does lay..."
Listen, Yohei.
I, will never allow you to live together.
It's funny.
Then, we'll commit suicide.
We'll commit suicide.
"Ogura-ya 
- Oil Merchant"
How is Kogiku?
She says she's bored, locked in her room.
Why not take her to the theater?
Idiot!
You don't set a cat on heat free.
How vulgar!
Kogiku is our only precious daughter.
What ever the rumours may be, keep us informed.
If this becomes known, the name of the house of Ogura will be tarnished.
What will, then, happen to Yohei and to his family?
Well...
They'll have to hang themselves, or something like that.
Don't hide them, and don't help them to elope. 
Alright?
It really is unpleasant.
They're trying to intimidate me.
Okichi.
He talks about double suicide.
He has a dagger.
Yohei has a dagger.
He always has it with him.
Don't try to intimidate me, and neither mustn't you.
Kogiku...
I hope she isn't at risk.
Now...
I can't go back home anymore.
I don't care about what's going to happen.
What is it?
It seems you called me a skirt chaser.
Kogiku...
Don't underestimate me.
D'you want to die alone?
Or d'you want me to die along with you?
Double suicide is fairly frequent.
It has its charm, doesn't it?
Well?
Kill me!
Come on, do it.
Sonezaki whores say that when a man proposes double suicide, you must, first, slash the soles of his feet.
If not, he'll kill the woman and take off.
It's unfair.
Well?
You can never tell.
Do it.
Kogiku!
Calm down!
It's me!
D'you recognize me?
Calm down! 
Kogiku!
Kogiku forgive me.
Forgive me...
I waas mean.
Forgive me.
But don't ever again scare me like this.
Here.
Thank you very much.
Madame, are you Okichi?
Yes.
Here.
excuse me!
is itreally that you want?
Coward!
Coward...
Is this bell, the bell of Chikurin temple?
You did the right thing telling me where you are.
Let me take care of everything.
Ogura-ya will let you be, once Kogiku's back.
He found a good husband for her.
Listen...
Where did you put the dagger?
I'm happy you didn't do anything stupid.
Do you want to know what I really feel?
Do you?
Kogiku I love her so much that I'd like to kill her.
You're lying.
O yes?
D'you think so?
Don't play games with me, you damn brat!
I'm more than a brat.
And I, I'm a woman.
Be careful.
Don't trust my charm.
You, you're different.
Why?
Because...
Because what?
Because...
Why is it different?
You know, when you were a baby,
you used to play with my breasts.
You're silly.
Women are creatures from Hell.
My husband will be coming for us soon.
If I'd cheat on him with you, it'd be terrible.
Take care of the young man on the first floor.
If I went to see him?
Let him be.
He's a child, he's shy.
He said he'll be going back by himself.
He's a trouble maker.
Thank you very much.
The dresser, the chest, the coal pot, and other pieces of furniture, have the family coat of arms, in gold on black lacquer.
The drawers, for instance, are all painted with clouds, who are said to protect against fire.
Kitchen utensils and gold-powdered dinnerware also carry the family coat of arms.
In this chest you'll find... tortoise-shell combs.
They are decorated with relief motifs, coral balls and their teeth are made of tortoiseshell.
Let's go on to goldsmith's items.
There're a crane, a tortoise, and a hairpin.
The kimono in her dowery are so numerous that even in 10 or 20 years, she won't be able to wear them all.
She owns almost 100 pairs of socks.
All carefully manufactured following the exact measurements of her feet.
Good afternoon.
You're the bride's witness.
I count on you.
Yes.
Thank you for entrusting me with this important role.
And then, your wedding preparations are truly impressive.
The parents' duty is to marry their daughter well.
But I wouldn't have thought it was that exhausting.
Tell me, the men I just met, wouldn't they be the bums Yohei used to go along?
They'll take care of the water ceremonies.
Take care of the water ceremonies?
It'll really be festive.
By the way, do you know who introduced him to us?
That bum, from the Kawachi house.
You mean...
Yohei?
When you're young, love stories are only a game.
We're paying him.
That'll end his relation with Kogiku.
I see.
I'm happy everything's working out.
Here I am.
Today...
Is a lucky today,
And it's a time...
For celebration.
All good things...
Are here.
For this occasion...
We have brought up our daughter.
Our daugther...
With a lot of love.
We must today...
Giver her hand in marriage...
To a man.
Heave-ho!
All together!
Heave-ho!
Come on!
What're you doing, good-for-nothing?
Careful!
There's someone looking for you.
I'm busy.
I'm still only an apprentice.
I have a lot of things to learn.
I'm risking my life coming to see you tonight.
Throw yourself in the water right away.
You can stab where you want, my coat is open.
When I make love with my husband,
I close my eyes, and I imagine your face.
Doesn't it mean anything to you?
D'you make fun of it?
Do you love me all the same?
I beg you.
Good afternoon.
Nice afternoon, isn't it?
Good afternoon.
What are you doing in front of my house?
You've really become a model wife.
All the same, meeting one's lover by day, is rather dangerous.
Okichi, don't talk nonsense.
You see, the owner of the floating inn buys his oil from me.
And I'm on very friendly terms with his wife.
I know you have contacts with Yagoro and Zenbei.
How did your today meeting with Yohei go?
How old are you, anyway?
Idiot.
Idiot!
Why d'you despise me?
And why did you come to see me?
What have you to say to me?
You surely know it.
Legally I'm Sakai-ya's wife.
I don't have to take orders from anyone, and especially not from you.
Isn't it so?
You're right.
Your koto lesson will soon start.
I've met your already husband, but say hello to him from my part.
I'll listen you play the next time.
Okichi!
Yes?
Going to see your sick uncle in Juso?
Yes, I was going to change.
If you leave now, you'll be coming home late.
If you want, you can sleep there.
Yes.
Your tiresome.
Can I borrow them?
Come in.
I'm sorry I'm not Kogiku.
Tell me...
Why d'you look so melancholic?
Come closer.
I'm not going to eat you.
I must talk to you tonight.
I already am a little drunk.
I'll find it difficult to talk to you if you don't drink.
Here, take a glass.
Alright, but spare me your sermons.
D'you have anything to reproach yourself, if you talk about sermons?
Here we go again!
Not at all.
Come on, drink.
What happened to your foot?
Yohei, have you, at last, decided giving up your bad habits?
D'you really work in an oil factory?
Of course I do!
Look at my hands!
Yohei, you were happy to receive a letter from Kogiku, weren't you?
Her letter said that Yagoro and Zenbei would be there.
- I wanted to see them.
- It's her you wanted to see.
You are the author of this letter.
Doesn't matter.
Yohei,
Kogiku's fooling you.
Don't you see this?
Listen to me.
Yagoro and Zenbei are both her lovers.
They go on seeing themselves, despite her marriage.
I don't believe you.
Ask the owner of this inn.
It's ridiculous.
Imbecile.
Imbecile!
Imbecile! 
Imbecile!
- Stop!
- Wake up!
Why are you lying to me?
Take a grip on yourself!
You're still in love with Kogiku, aren't you?
It's for her sake that you came as far as here.
Don't you imagine I'm jealous.
This woman, is ready to sleep with no matter what man.
She's a real bitch.
And you, you let her fool you.
Imbecile! 
Imbecile!
I wonder why, when we meet,
I always end up lecturing you.
It's pitiful.
Yohei.
Please.
I beg you.
Make...
Make...
Make love to me!
Auntie...
Are you alright, auntie?
Stop calling me: "auntie"!
How should I call you?
You're a man.
Call me by my name.
Okichi...
Auntie Okichi...
Imbecile...
Yohei.
I always looked at you as at a child.
But, on the eve of the marriage, you wanted to stab her.
It's only then that I realized that you had become a man.
I can't bear that a slut like Kogiku... fools you.
Make...
Make love to me.
Really?
Turned out the light.
I'm ashamed.
Forgive me for asking you this.
You're a handsome young man.
I'm old.
Forgive me.
Forgive me.
I don't care about age.
I've never felt like this.
I'm happy.
Watch out for fires!
Watch out for fires!
Will we being each other tomorrow?
Tomorrow?
- Be reasonable.
- The day after tomorrow?
I'll let you know.
Even I have some work... sitdown.
You carry on.
- Don't stand for everything.
- You didn't answer me.
Why do you respect these servants? 
Sit.
What are you waiting for?
Keep it and go!
The fault is with me.
Don't get angry with her.
Girls should have patience not anger.... obedience not arrogance, calm and not hasty.
A woman should be humble and not audacious.
Altogether a girl should behave like a girl.
It's believed that arrogant women can't lead a happy life.
Since you want us to walk like you,...
Today is his day so let him enjoy.
We feel very bad about it.
Why? 
If Padayappa is the man of powers...
I am man of beauty.
The girl has escaped.....
Why do you say that?
That girl will commit suicide if she marries you.
Now if she sees you like this she will refuse to marry you.
- Padayappa, you give me your dress.
- Ask someone else.
Only this dress looks good.
- Then what will I wear.
- You wear mine.
- I can't.
- Padayappa my marriage is important or your dress is important.
How will that girl marry me.
We should go by Benz or Plymouth or else go walking.
If I have the time why should I ask you.
Remove the dress.
We have to walk all the way..
sees we could have taken a jeep.
Who will give us bride if we go by jeep.
We should go by Benz or Plymouth or else go walking.
- Are you going to see the bride.
- Why? 
Have they gone away.
That's a good joke!
Is he the bridegroom?
He's the bridegroom but the dress he's wearing is mine.
Thats why he looks good.
- Okay. 
Come, come.
Are you going to see the bride, who's the bridegroom?
He's the bridegroom but the dress he's wearing is mine.
Thats why he looks tip top.
Padayappa I am only the bridegroom...
But this dress is mine.
Okay.
Who is the bridegroom in this crowd?
He's the bridegroom but the dress he's wearing is not mine.
Did he ask you about this dress?
Don't talk about this dress anymore. 
Okay.
The brides house is OH this side.
There's some problem with this glasses.
The bride is waiting for you for a long time.
He's the bridegroom but I won't talk about this dress.
Come here, come closer!
Padayappa, this dress is yours...
But please forget about this dress.
Come lets go.
Who is the bridegroom in this crowd?
You ask them yourself?
Tell them...
He's the bridegroom but I forgot about the dress he's wearing.
I think the bridegroom is mad.
Come lets go.
I don't want this dress neither the marriage,...
I'll remain a bachelor all my life.
Don't worry Alagesa, the bride will definitely like you.
If the bride agrees, we'll fix the marriage immediately.
Padayappa, what you've arranged to see so many girls.
You're very lucky select any one from this.
I want to talk with you personally.
As soon as that girl signaled all those girls vanished.
Don't disgust me before her.
Go from here.
This girl is dangerous thats why we didn't go.
Don't get angry, we'll go.
Beware!
- You're very lucky.
- Why? 
- Because I like you.
Seeing my beauty, status and talent,...
Many guys more educated than you liked me,...
Not only here but also abroad.
I was not interested in them but I like you.
Aren't you lucky?
In my childhood days I believe I've played with you..
But I don't remember.
The world is changing at a fast pace,... only fools remember old things.
I don't know why, when you saved the snake I liked your bravery.
When you fought to ban illicit liquor...
I liked your anger, And I admired your valour!
When you adviced me in my house
I admired the way you talk.
Most of all I like your style.
I admire your five different faces,... your very lucky because your the one I like.
I want every thing to be the best in my life, my car,...
Dress, bungalow and even my dog...
And the man going to marry, I want the best....
I want to marry someone like you...
And stand before my friends and society.
In your sisters engagement, you express our wish.
You'll feel shy so I'll say it myself.
Bye.
You expressed your wish, let me tell mine.
I'm not interested in marrying you.
You want to marry a man, I want to marry a woman.
And that woman is not you.
Are you in love with someone?
I usually don't desire for anything but if I do,...
I don't rest without getting it.
I'll definitely get you.
Baby, you said you've seen my five faces....
I have another face, don't see it, you'll regret it.
You'll never succeed!
You don't know about me.
My path is unique, don't disturb that.
May I know the girl you love?
Why do I have to wear a garland?
Then only you'll look like a bridegroom.
Everything is fine but we could have had a small vocal concert.
- So what, I'll sing.
- What, you want to sing?
- You thought my style is old?
- You sing brother, old is gold.
- No, mo, see he's sulking.
- Lets ask Padayappa to sing.
- sees today give that letter.
- Definitely I'll give it today.
Padayappa, your father's calling.
- What sort of a dress is this?
- That's my style!
- Sing a song! 
- Mel?
- They asked you to sing.
You have learnt music formally, haven't you?
Even your daughter knows to dance,...
Let her dance then my son will sing.
Are we going to have a competition?
What rubbish?
My sister refuses to dance Perhaps she has forgotten.
Son-in-law!
I mean, brother...
She's very moody so........
What a surprise!
How are you going to manage such a huge crowd?
After all we too have learnt music.
What's this? 
- 
- What's the matter?
My son can manage bigger crowd than this.
Make way!
- Isn't it Padayappa?
- Thats right mother.
I'm ready to dance.
Even my son is ready to sing.
Isn't it son?
- Yes father.
- Ask him to begin then.
She has studied in America so she's very broadminded,...
Why are you scolding him for that?
• He's not a baby, if that girl has behaved like that...
In front of thousand people, there must be a reason.
- He hasn't done anything.
- Then, who did?
- I need not say that.
- I'll slap you!
Why are you waiting, he'll keep scolding you if your here.
Take care of yourself, go carefully, eat properly... sleep at the right time.
Don't pamper him, did you give those sweets you made for him.
- I forgot. 
- Go and get it.
- I'll bring it and come.
Did you pack his sweaters, it'll be cold there.
I forgot.
Go bring it and come.
Go to bed early, don't roam about in the nights.
Father, the village elders have to see you.
Allow me to talk to him, will you?
Okay, I'll come.
Son, come a week earlier for your sisters marriage.
Don't worry about anything I'll take care.
Its getting late you leave.
Good day, sir.
Welcome, welcome.
Whats the occasion?
Why have you'll gathered here?
You could have called for me instead.
We've come to talk about your family matter,...
You are V.l.P. in this village.
What son, have you done anything wrong?
- No Father.
- Its not about him but about you.
There is a complaint on you.
Complaint on me?
Who has given?
Your brother only has given.
Father, father....
What has he accused me of?
The property which belongs to both...
Is being enjoyed only by you...
And that you are lavish in village activities.
Why are you keeping quiet?
Nothing brother....
After giving the complaint, why do you call him brother.
Ages ago two people committed suicide...
So my grandfather gave half the property to the temple....
Wand the rest is being used for the welfare of the village.
I have three children, don't I have to get them...
Married in a rich family?
I don't get the same respect as he gets in this village.
They treat us a dump.
- It depends on each one's behaviour.
Why?
- Proceed!
- What nonsense are you talking?
I wanted to get my daughter married to that rich man's son.
But before that he fixed it for his daughter.
Sees I thought I'll fix my son for his daughter,...
The way that girl behaved yesterday,...
I know even not going to happen.
Don't talk about all that, tell your decision.
I want my share of the property divided.
Brother, what do you mean?
Only if I have money people will respect me...
And can get my children married in a rich family.
You divide the property.
Are you sure you want the property divided?
Won't your brother give you, if you ask?
I'm not a beggar to go and ask him.
I was also born of my mother not for someone else.
Yes, you were not born for my mother.
You've provoked me to talk!
Your mother gave birth to you and died.
I brought you to my house and asked my mother to look after you as she did to me.
She promised me that she would never reveal this to anyone.
Till now no one knows about this, I have not even told my wife.
Even you know it only now.
Only this man knows about this.
He was there when our father died.
Tell me brother, have I ever called you by name,...
I pampered you so much!
I love you so much...
But you love only this property.
Everyone listen to me,...
Till I'm alive no one has the right to divide this property.
Why should I divide it?
Let my brother take everything.
I don't want a penny from this property.
You take everything.
I will sign all the papers and give you.
If you don't have anything what will you do?
My only treasure is my son.
When he's there why should I be bothered.
I've bought a piece of land in the money he sent every month.
We will manage with that.
I don't mind living in a hut.
I'll prove my worth!
How am I going to conduct this marriage?
Go my son, from now on we are all are at the back of you.
No father, you are always our leader.
Wait, put the witness signature and then go.
Padayappa, I know you'll take care of your sister.
Make sure you take the responsibilities which our...
Family has undertaken from the past.
That's very important.
Wait a minute, let me sit here for one last time.
What are you doing like a small child.
Come lets go.
- Father!
- Let's go!
Go and console your mother.
Are you still thinking of father.
I know you're worried about sisters marriage.
Don't worry I'll take care of that.
Padayappa, without anyone's knowledge.
Your uncle's son is getting married.
Who let all them inside?
Ask everyone to get out.
Move everybody.
Its only a week since your brother's death,...
How can you do such a thing in his house.
Stupid man, this is my house.
Why should I perform his last rites?
Mind your own business.
How can you get you son married to his daughter,...
When he is engaged to this girl.
Yes, we engaged that girl to my son when their family was rich.
How can I get my son married to a family which is poor.
What will happen to my family status.
I'm not a fool to get my son married in this family.
Money will go and come anytime but only relatives stay the last.
When your sister is like this, how can you do such a thing.
Is wealth more important to you.
That's my wish, because I wanted a break in politics...
And since her father had political influence I agreed to marry her.
Now he's no more so I changed my place.
I agreed not because I liked her.
Whatever the case may be, according to our village rule...
The marriage is supposed to take place inn.
...the temple with the bride...
And the groom expressing their wish to marry.
And only then is the marriage to be conducted.
For how long?
- Why waste time in arguments?
Look, don't try to dominate us.
I spare you because of my sister.
God bless you!
She herself has blessed the couple,... you people can go and have your food now.
We are not so shameless as to eat your food.
We're not beggars.
Come lets go, Padayappa.
If you don't eat, the food is not going to get wasted.
Come, why are you so late?
We were running out of time since it was an urgent marriage.
I know you married only because your parents forced you to.
Aren't you ashamed to marry people you don't like.
People like you encourage such kind of male chauvinists.
Are you a man?
Shame on you.
How selfish of you to think only about yourself.
Oh! 
Are you still thinking of Padayappa?
I'll get you married to a better person than Padayappa.
Why see other guys, see my sons.
You don't worry, I'll bring thousand men for you to select.
You can bring thousand men but can't you find one man like Padayappa.
I'll marry only Padayappa. 
No one can change this.
Why are you weeping like a child?
But you're a child, aren't you?
Eat this!
Mother is old so she weeps, but why should you...
He should only cry,...
For not being fortunate enough to have you as his wife.
You don't cry, sister.
What big money, have we not enjoyed all the luxuries in life.
See how grandly I'll conduct your marriage.
I'll do more than what father desired to do.
You eat.
I'll select a better man than him, more educated, smart...
Intelligent, good looking and a man of your choice...
But I can't get the man you desired.
Alas! 
I can't get you the man of your dreams!
I'm helpless dear!
Don't cry.....don't cry.
What will be our plight if you lose heart?
God is there to help us so don't cry.
Please don't cry, my dears!
- Feed her.
- Eat my dear. 
- Eat my dear!
Why are you talking in English?
Talk in Tamil?
This is granite stone.
I suspected it when I saw it glitter.
Have you started your family tradition?
If you keep doing this,...
Have to handover the property to us.
Fools! 
do you know what stone is that? 
Granite.
So what?
Idiots, you don't know the value of this.
Drunkards, Padayappa has a mountain of granites.
If he comes to know of this, he can even buy the villages surrounding us.
Now do you realise why I gave that money to him.
Stupid fellows.
I shut his mouth for the time-being.
Okay, now what are you going to do about it?
Where is my brother's photo which was hanging there?
- You asked me to put it away.
- Hang it back there.
- Why? 
- When we want their favour, we need to do all this.
Brother, how can I forget you?
Why are you crying father?
I've just started acting, stupid fellow, come.
Everyday brother comes in my dream...
And slaps me exactly at 11 O'clock.
He treated me like his own and gave me all the property...
But his children are struggling here.
- It's just a nightmare.
- No it is not!
No, please come back to our house otherwise you can't see me alive.
I will write all the property back in your name.
It's your property any way.
You needn't come today, tomorrow you can come after I handover...
Everything to you in the register office.
Believe me, Padayappa!
See, I told you that your father will never see us struggle.
See how he has changed him.
No mother.
Why should we struggle here like this my son,... we'll go back to our house.
Let your father come and tell this in your dream.
- Shut up. 
- Padayappa I'm like your father, listen to me.
Believe me, son!
You may beat me for the blunder I've made.
Fine, I'll beat myself!
- Stop it!
- I won't stop till he forgives me.
Is the slipper a new one?
I Is that very important now?
Please believe me.
If mother agrees I have nothing to say.
Thanks a lot. 
I'll transfer all the property to your name.
Then I'll take leave.
Why don't you write this piece of land in my name?
I'll build a tomb in memory of my dear brother...
And worship him all my life.
Shall we fix the registration tomorrow?
Stop this nonsense! 
Where is the party?
My brother's tractor is an old one.
They are not coming in Benz car like us,...
The tractor is bad, the road is bad.
More than that those two guys are bad.
We can't go by the main road, go through the village.
The registrar will be there only for half an hour.
Come late in the Morning and go early in the evening.
What happened?
The bearing is cut.
It'll take at least an hour to set it right.
Don't go sir. 
Wait.....
Why are you so late?
We came through a lot of hurdles.
Don't answer like school children.
We're only saying the truth!
Since its late the registrar has gone home, so we'll have...
The registration tomorrow at our house.
Fine!
Everyone has signed in their family, Mr.Aarupadayappan.
Go, son!
Catch it.
Catch it.
Collect all the important documents.
Close all the windows.
Stop my son.
Don't sign.
This is the third time we are facing a hurdle.
I don't think it's a good omen!
Let them keep the property.
- Come lets go.
- Alright! 
- Please wait.
I want to fulfill my brother's dream.
We have all signed, what do I do with the papers now.
I 
- Tear it off?
- Explain to them!
.
You please tear it!
Padayappa from the time you beat them they are like this.
If there's a wind it'll blow.
The tractor was old so it broke down don't take this as a reason.
Whatever you say, please let us go.
My mother has decided, so please let us go.
Let's go!
I think you desire something else?
I need that piece of land you now or not even that... ..l just need that small hill in the middle of the land.
Why do you need that alone?
With that alone, I can buy the whole village.
Why did someone tell you, there is a treasure?
That's not an ordinary hill, that hill is made of granite.
- Only that god has helped us.
- Better bestow that hill to me.
- Otherwise? 
- My sons are not worthy to beat you...
So I've set up people from outside.
Padayappa, don't make it too long, finish them...
And come home quickly.
Okay mother.
Alright, mother!
Where are you going?
Please complete the formalities.
Let me go!
Gone are the days when people were treated as slaves!
Slaves are non-existent these days.
You'll suffer for the sins you've committed.
I don't interfere with anyone but if they do.
I think you understand.
My path is unique, don't forget.
Go and ask forgiveness.
Padayappa, please forgive me.
Forgiveness is only to those who sin unintentionally.
I'll even forgive my deadly enemy but not you.
Don't ever face me again for the rest of your life.
If you do, you won't be alive.
Please wait, I want to talk to you.
I don't know how to tell you the first time I saw you,...
I fell in love with you.
I get nervous whenever I see you!
I decided that I'll marry only you.
Even now I'm telling you, I won't leave you.
If you ask her directly, how will she tell you.
Write a letter, she'll reply back.
For the past two years, he's been giving that letter.
What to do, I don't get the opportunity.
- Shut up, you'll never give.
- I'll definitely give it today.
Let's see.
- Why have you come?
- Is your mother there?
- Yes. 
Why? 
- I want to meet her.
- You can't.
Brother, why are you standing outside, come in.
Now can I go inside?
- How are you?
- Fine brother. 
- Go inside.
There's no point in wearing a shawl,...
If you don't know how to wear it.
Always put it the right way.
How did you hold the snake?
- Let's go inside.
- Why?
We'll see what they've come for.
- Your right sometimes.
What brother, everyone's seeing the house... and your looking at the floor?
Brother, why are you crying?
What happened?
My daughters life is in your hands.
Why?
Tell me what happened?
- You know how much I love my daughter. 
- Yes, I do!
Her life is in your hands now.
Is my face worse than a servant.
She's very adamant about marrying only Padayappa.
I couldn't convince her regarding this.
If we leave her like this, she'll die of depression.
Please accept her as your daughter-in-law.
Please don't let my sister suffer for what I did.
Please don't spoil her life.
I'll fall on your feet.
Don't worry brother,...
Tomorrow I'll come to your house to fix the marriage.
Padayappa, do you agree?
If you agree,...
I have no objection!
I'm very happy.
Are you crying?
What's your status and what's my status.
You can only build castles in the air.
But if I desire something, I will definitely get it.
Don't let your tears dirty my nail, keep it clean.
Welcome, welcome.
- Shut up! 
You please come!
- Welcome!
Why are you standing there?
Come in.
There isn't enough space to accommodate all of us.
I think sister has still not forgotten the past.
No, mo, let's exchange the plates in front of everyone.
Definitely.
Go bring the plate and come.
Come sister, lets exchange the plates.
I'm a widow, so I can't.
Whatever it is you're my sister, come.
Give the plate.
I'm willing to get my son Padayappa...
Married to your daughter Vasundara.
If you're willing, please accept this.
Why are you scared?
No one can do anything to us.
God and my son are always by our side...
So, if you're willing, accept this.
That's a good shot!
You said that it doesn't matter even if I'm a widow, right?
I was a widow the other day when you severed relations with me.
You showed your true colour that day.
That day I was poor so you neglected me.
That's why you fell on my leg yesterday so shamelessly.
Okay, you didn't respect me...
But do you remember the promise you gave my husband...
Before this village do you remember to keep up the promise.
Only if your a human being, you'll remember all that.
You can ask me, what happened to the promise that I gave you.
I'm not like you, my family always keeps up its promises.
My family is a respectable family.
Yesterday I promised to come to your house...
But not to fix up your daughter.
You might have changed our village's tradition...
During your son's marriage but I can't do that.
My husbands words still echo in my ears.
That only if the bride and groom agree,...
The marriage will take place.
Even though your son liked my daughter. ..
He married another girl for the sake of money...
But my son agreed to marry your daughter,...
Only because I told him.
I can't be a mother if I can't understand him.
I know who he's in love with.
My son is like a camphor whether your rich or poor,...
If you light him, he'll give you only one light.
How could I afford to hurt my son's feelings then?
Padayappa, go bring my daughter-in-law.
Being a woman, she boldly spoke to him.
He couldn't reply her for even one question.
I'd have died of shame!
That day he spoke so much, how who will marry his daughter.
He gave more importance to money, didn't he?
What can money do now, his respect is gone.
If you can't keep up a word it's better to die.
Character is very important!
If character is lost everything is lost.
Father.
Neelambari, what's this?
Come in.
Are you mad?
Why are you dancing like this?
Yes, I'm mad, I'm angry.
I'm angry with that servant.
I want to own Padayappa.
- What can your anger do now?
That servant dog even though she knew that I liked him...
And still went behind him.
I won't leave her, not only her but also Padayappa...
And his mother who were the cause for our father's death.
I'll avenge this insult!
He's walked away with that girl, what can you do now?
This Neelambari can do anything.
All because of me, I refused to marry his sister,...
Now he has done the same thing.
No, Padayappa loved Vasundara even before your marriage.
Okay, so what can we do?
Tell me, shall I bring him here how?
Padayappa is a mountain you can't bring him here.
You can't even touch him!
You don't know when, where and what to do.
I know how to deal with this matter.
I won't let this marriage take place.
That day in my desire to own him, I tied this anklets on my legs.
Today, I tied it because of my hatred.
Similarly, Padayappa too deserves to live on my mercy.
Till I own him, I will not remove this anklet from my leg.
This is a promise.
This is a promise.
Don't want, why should you touch my leg.
Vasundara, hereafter your the master of this house,...
So we should only be scared of you.
Brother, wait a minute, see how your wife is feeling shy.
Before the marriage itself if she's like this,...
Be able to see her face only after 3 months.
She'll show her face but he's only very shy.
Bridegroom, look at her.
Are you feeling shy?
Look at her!
- Are you fine?
- I'm fine, aunty.
- I came to see Vasundra.
- Go and see.
- Welcome.
- How many months?
Wait, I'll bring coffee for you.
- Go carefully.
- Sit down.
Please be seated!
Now you're not my servant, your servant to him alone.
But you're very clever!
Very smartly you hide your feelings.
Please forgive me.
I too loved Padayappa, but it didn't happen.
Things happen according to God's will.
Vasundra, now you're our girl so the dowry'll come from our house.
But father has just expired so I can't do all that.
As a sister I've brought this saree for you,...
I've also arranged for a pooja in your name.
Wear it and go to the temple.
Get up, don't make me feel big.
I'm also a small girl, take this.
Cow! 
Please help!
Someone please come and help.
Hurry, sister-in-law!
Help!
Is it enough? 
It's getting late quickly tie your saree.
I'll tie it myself, you people wait outside.
- Why shouldn't we be here?
- No, mo, you wait outside.
Why are standing here?
Go outside.
I'm sorry for giving that red saree, I would have spoil your life.
It's alright!
This is the offering I made to God on your behalf!
Please have it.
I'll keep it in front of God and then drink it.
- This is special milk, so make sure you drink it. 
- Okay.
Don't forget to come for our marriage, I need your blessings.
The marriage thats going to take place is mine,...
My family's marriage so without me it can't take place.
I'll definitely be there!
You look very good. 
- Me?
- Not you, sir you turn around.
How did you put your hand into the snake pit.
Shut up and go that side.
What snake?
When did you catch?
Okay, okay, don't get tensed, the bride will come now.
- Didn't you drink that milk?
- No!
I kept the milk in front of God and was praying,...
The snake came and spilt the milk.
Only then I remembered that I've prayed to God...
That I would pour milk on God.
That's why I went to...
- Hurry, it's getting late.
- Coming, wait a minute.
In the name of Lord Muruga I ask you, according tell men.
Would you like to marry this boy wholeheartedly.
Do you also agree wholeheartedly?
What is this?
Forget the past!
We brought you to Madras to forget whatever happened.
Why you are seeing the same thing again and again?
Your health will get affected if you starve, so have some food!
No.
- Are you Mad?
Yes! 
I am Mad, I will not look at any one of your faces!
I've not only been humiliated but I've been defeated too.
I've lost to a servant!
I don't know that you love him this much!
Anyhow, I will bring Him to You!
You want me to be in the place of a Servant?
Is it possible for You to imagine this?
Are you My Brother?
How can you think like this?
- Neelambari! 
- Tell Me!
Everything happened are because of you,...
Because of your money making intention!
Go!
.. 
Go all of you! 
Don't look at my face.
If anyone of you look at my face, I will burn my face.
Get out! 
Get out! 
Get out all of you!
Long live, Suryaprakash!
Long live, Suryaprakash!
Long live our leader, Suryaprakash!
Long live our honourable minister, Suryaprakash!
Not for One year, or Two years!
She kept herself in that room for eighteen years!
She has confined herself to that room.
She doesn't permit anyone into the room except me.
With my growing wealth I have made many changes to house.
But I can not change her room alone!
I can't change her.
All these are also okay.
But she didn't come out for Mother's death too!
I used to take meals to her room, that too if she asks!
If his daughter or any other person takes meal for her...
She will throw the plate away.
We are not aware of any of her activities.
But we can able to here playing sound of that Marriage cassette.
Inspector's here.
- CM is in the Meeting. 
Can we go? 
- Yes!
Don't forget things that I told you,...
You can do any pooja' at whatever be the cost.
She should change, that is important.
This should not be known to others.
Uncle CM has begun the meeting, I'll make a move.
- The matter that I told you...
- Are you playing?
If your sons were held up because of doing unnecessary Business.
What can I do? 
That too they've borrowed from Krishnaswamy!
Son-in-law, everything has gone.
Only thing left is that house alone.
If that house is also gone, then I'll have to stand in the road.
Please try to get back at least the house, son-in-law.
Think of what all I've done for you and my daughter.
What to think of!
He has influence till Delhi.
If I talk about him to CM, my post will be in danger.
- Coffee...
Give it to Daddy, dear.
Shall I leave.
- Greetings!
- Make way!
It's time to go for meeting.
Get in, we'll start.
Sir, I'll fall on your leg.
Please ask them to stop!
Daddy, my doll.
I want my doll.
Some how I'll try to return your loans sir, please.
You're keep on telling that you'll return,...
But you are not giving and I'm not getting, what to do...
We've been living in this house for a long time.
If people come to know of this, it'll be a big shame for us, sir.
I know, since it's a old traditional house,...
That's why I gave you money.
My brother lived with great dignity in this house.
Give me some time.
Somehow I'll fill all my loan.
How! 
Will you steal!
You might do that also...
What to do!
The due date is over.
Now you have no other go.
Not even God can protect you.
Who gave it?
Hey, stop it.
Take everything inside.
Madam, please go in.
Couldn't you tell me this before.
If I have influence all over the country,...
He has it all over the world.
I have national business, he has international business.
He is a mighty influential person!
You were about to put me in trouble.
Please go in sir.
Hey, keep everything in it's place and come.
Where are you producing trouble?
Do you know whose house is this?
I know, I heard that you had problem with them...
And so you will not interfere.
Whatever has to come to you is here with interest.
Count and see if it is correct and bring the documents.
You give everything countless we follow you...
How can I count your money.
Hey, bring the documents.
Oh, I shouted out of habit sorry.
You go sir, I myself will arrange everything.
Hey take everything.
Keep them in their own places.
Padayappa...
- You are an elder man.
And aloud woman have ever lived happily.
This is the place where my father had lived and died.
For me this is his memorial.
Sees from now, take care of it carefully.
You have given it already.
That is to save the house, this is to save you.
Padayappa...
- You are an elder man.
We're elder only in age.
But are elder in heart so you are a great.
- Forgive me.
- Forgive us also brother.
Uncle, remember one thing in life.
You'll get nothing without hardwork.
Anything you get without hardwork will never last.
Listen.
Listen.
Please see this.
Hey, why are you showing hand?
.
If you show hand, we'll be terrified?
Give it, we'll accept it!
Hey, our children.
It was you.
Enough...enough..enough.
Enough of studying in Madras.
Hereafter learn to do the household chores.
Daddy, see daddy.
Only 2 years course. 
Tell her.
What?
You have influence only outside.
House is under mother's control?
Mummy, sister likes to learn.
If you had a boy you would let him to learn isn't it!
All you need is an assistant, isn't it?
I'll stop studying.
You can act well though you can't study.
Correct, like your mother.
What yes..yes...yes... 
Tell there.
It's a matter of 2 years, after all.
Daddy... 
Please.
Vasu...
Vasu...
Let her study further.
Ok, let her study.
They are my friends.
They've come for my birthday.
- Greetings!
- He's my Dad.
What do they say?
I'm a worldwide fraud.
You show me your fraud.
You mixed brandy, isn't?
You and your sons drink illicit liquor.
Do I drink it.
We drank once upon a time Now we've changed know!
What here.. change. .
brandy ..
See bottle.
If Padayappa comes to know of this.
- He will kill you.
How will he know when I've mixed it with cool drinks?
- It'll smell. 
- I'll put betel nuts.
- I'll tell him.
I'll tell him that you bought me betel nuts.
Who am I?
Alagapuri Alagesan.
Then mixed it with colour, you'll never know it.
You'll never know it.
Like monkey spoiling itself and others,...
You are spoiling others also.
- What I'm spoiling others?
- Yes. 
- See there!
- Welcome, Welcome.
Hello. 
Anitha 
- Daddy...
- Mr.Ravi Chellaiya.
- Greetings! 
- My Daughter.
Many happy returns of the day.
Small gift for you.
Move... move..
Long live leader...
Long live minister.
move.., move...
Greetings Padayappa Where is it.?
Where is it Garland.
Take it.
take it...
Take this Madam.
Cover... cover... 
Hey take it. 
Hello, when did you come.
I didn't notice you.
Give it!
He's Mr.Ravi Chellaiya.
Long live... 
longlive...
Garland... 
Emperorof industries.
Long live... 
longlive...
You sit sir.
Hey... go apart. 
Always shouting.
Hey tell him about me.
My early days friend.
Name Rajbagadur.
You can call him anyway.
I told him not to join politics.
He didn't listen.
- Did you listen to me? 
- He refuses to join politics.
Why, you don't want me to be fine?
Why you alone should be fine?
People also should be fine no.
Yes. 
You are correct.
But one thing.
If he comes with you, you might change him.
Is he going to change? 
He'll change all of us.
That is also correct.
You win in everything.
Why don't you try this also.
What is there in our hands, Mr.Ravi. Everything.
- Always lift your hand up.
- Shall we start the party?
- I should get the seat first.
- Calm down!
Be seated.
I told to start the birthday party.
Anyway, you have to start a party.
Are you going to Himalayas?
Will we leave you?
Hey, what are you doing here?
- We were drinking cool drinks.
- What cool drinks?
Nobody is there to welcome guests, you're busy drinking?
Give it and go.
What noise?
Nothing.
Padayappa drank the cool drinks.
What...what...
Haven't I drunk cool drinks before?
Give it.
- It's two now.
- What two.
I'll drink four, forty.
What bothers you? 
Give it.
What happened?
It's nice.
Brother, come here.
It's getting late to cut the cake.
- I'm coming. 
Go. 
It's nice, keep it for me. 
- I will!
No, mother first, all next including God.
Yes.
It's eighteen years.
Still you think of him and make your life miserable like a mad.
But he.
He is happy, very very happy.
See this, see this well.
He, his wife, his two daughters are enjoying life.
But you! 
Day and night you sit in the same room like a devil...
Sleeplessly thinking of him get destroyed.
I've never seen, heard or learned in history about a girl like you.
Enough. enough.
sees hereafter try to be happy.
Even I tried to ruin him in many ways.
Using my political influence I tried to make then.
government take over his granite factory.
I couldn't. 
He is brilliant. 
Nothing is there in his name.
He has everything in the name of his village people.
If police enters, the whole village is opposing.
Government is nothing front of people's power.
We can never ruin him.
Forget everything.
Opposing him is useless.
We can't take revenge on him.
For how many days will you keep on seeing his marriage.
He himself has daughters ready for marriage.
His daughter is studying with my son in the same college.
What are you looking at?
After eighteen years I've got another chance...
To take revenge on Padayappa.
- Where is the dressing room?
- There.
Call your son.
Hey, Chandru.
What Daddy?
Wow aunty, you are super.
When I was small I used to peep through the door with fear.
- But now... 
- Do you know to drive?
- He is an expert.
- But we have many drivers.
- Let him drive.
You too come with us.
That girl in violet is Anitha.
Padayappa uncle's daughter.
Hereafter she shouldn't smile.
That servants daughter should not be happy.
Padayappa's loving daughter should cry.
Your son should love that girl.
She should also love your son.
Should act as if he is in love.
Understood?
Don't worry. 
My son will act according to your wish.
He knows that you are very dear to me.
If he doesn't do it, I will strangle his neck and kill him.
Why are staring?
Do what I say. 
Start!
How, how...how?
- Hey, No Chandru don't!
Why do you cry now?
Have I come to separate you and Chandru?
I've come to unite you two.
Don't worry.
You and my brother's son will definitely marry.
Even your father can't stop it.
No aunty.
You don't know about my dad.
I don't know?
What do you know?
I heard that you were not in town for eighteen years.
If you were here, we would've been like family friends.
His marriage would have been easier.
What happened now?
Everything will be easy.
This time, what I think should definitely happen.
- Madam, you've got a phone call.
- I'll talk and come.
- Still daughter is not on line?
- The;
I've gone to call her.
Brother, will Anitha accept?
Why do you worry?
She's my daughter.
I am your dad speaking.
Hello dad.
Daddy. 
How are you...
I'm fine dear, how are you?
It's too many days since I saw you.
I want to see you immediately.
I wish to see you married soon!
No no, your mother wishes.
- Lien.
- No...your father is willing.
Murugesa... beathimyou  know who is the groom... none other then my sister's son.
We all wish that you two should get married.
But according to our village customs,... the bride and the groom should like each other.
That's why I asked your wish.
What do you say?
What are you thinking of?
Because the boy is not educated?
You have studied no...
Both should not be educated.
if so, there will be confusion.
Now see I and your mother are so happy.
Why, I'm educated.
But she is not. 
That's why.
Shall we have the marriage after your exams?
- Now say yes to your dad.
. why?
Has the line been cut?
- No. 
The lights are on.
- It is a phone, not current.
I'll explain everything later.
First say yes.
- Yes dad.
- Give your hand.
So shall I start the arrangements for the marriage.
- Marriage. 
- Tell him that everything is as per his wish.
- How... 
Tell what I say.
- Okay dad, as you wish.
Wow... my darling..
She's my daughter after all!
What son-in-law, are you happy?
See how I'm going to make the wedding grand.
Hey Alagesa, Murugesa, Hang garlands on every street,...
House and doors.
None of our ancestors should have ever conducted such a marriage.
I will conduct such a grand marriage.
Do you want to possess Chandru whom you love most...
And wish to get married grandly in the presence of your parents in your village?
Then listen to me.
In the name of Lord Muruga I ask you,...
According your self-conscious,...
And on the promise of Aarupadayyapan's tell me would you like to marry this girl wholeheartedly.
Yes Uncle.
Yes Sir.
In the name of the Lord,...
Do you also agree to marry this boy wholeheartedly?
- Tell me.
- I don't agree, sir.
Why no?
Didn't they seek your consent.
That day's situation made me accept.
Why you didn't like this groom?
I'm in love with another boy.
I like to marry him.
Okay, is that boy present in this crowd? 
Tell.
Madam! 
Tell me if you want only this girl...
To be your daughter-in-law?
Nothing like that, brother.
I want my son to become your son-in-law.
Take the garland from your shoulders...
And put it on your sister's shoulders.
Do as I say!
- Do you consent to marry this girl?
- Yes sir.
You... 
Don't be afraid of anybody.
Tell me what you feel.
I like the groom.
But I don't like to marry now.
What do you say?
I don't want to get married before my sisters marriage.
If we marry on the same day also no problem.
But if it happens before her, it might affect her marriage.
Please tell your decision.
I can't change the traditional rituals.
Every marriage that takes place in this village should be... ..according to the wish of the bride...
And the groom than their parents.
No unwilling should take place in this village.
Such a marriage will not be conducted by my family.
Open that well!
From the time he started conducting...
The village's marriage the well was not at all opened.
Today because of his daughters, the well has to be opened.
You know the rules of this village.
Marry your girl to whom she loves.
If you get her married to somebody else,...
Your family cannot live in this village.
I won't take it as a shame for whatever happened here.
I take it as a chance to know my two daughter's mind.
Now I tell in front of all of you,...
I'll conduct the marriage of my elder daughter with the boy she likes, here, in the next auspicious day.
On the same day my second daughter... will get married to my sister's son.
If it does not happen,...
It means that Padayappa's breath has stopped.
I swear on Lord Muruga!
Tell me. 
Open your mouth and answer.
Why did you do this?
I don't oppose your affair.
But why didn't you tell when we asked?
Do you know how much shame you brought to him.
I'm asking you, why don't you answer?
No mummy. 
They told me not to tell the truth till the end.
Who said so?
What Neelambari has to do with your marriage?
I love her brother's son.
Why didn't you tell this before?
If I tell this, daddy will not accept for the marriage.
If I tell my wish in front of the villagers,...
In the temple of Aarupadayappa,... .. nobody can stop but get me married to the person you love.
Neelambari aunty said this.
She told me she'll come with her brother's son for marriage,...
But never turned up.
- Come here!
- Go, he is calling you.
- What is his name?
- Chandru.
- How did you get introduced?
- We study in the same college.
- Does he love you?
- Yes dad.
- How do you know?
- I'm your daughter.
I'll never get fooled.
Forgive me dad.
When you love, you forget yourself.
Don't forget love after marriage.
Children might forget their parents but parents will never forget their children.
Take the car.
You don't go there.
Please listen to me.
No, listen please...
- Madam, Padayappa has come.
- Who?
That is our great Padayappa.
You know how he looks at this age also like Margandeyan.
Ok mam.
Yes mam.
- Ask him to come inside.
- Alright.
Please come in!
One minute please.
Didn't the snake bite when you put your hand into the pit.
- Yes, it bit. 
- It bit?
Then poison would got in.
No snake poison would get into this body.
Big snake is going to come.
Be careful.
Electrifying man, you know why everybody likes you...
Though aged, your style and beauty has not gone.
Thank you thank you... 
It's born with me, never goes out.
How is she, the servant of my house?
Sorry, the madam of my house.
Very very fine.
- Why did you come to see me?
- I didn't come to see you.
I came to see my would-be son-in-law.
- Your son-in-law?
- Yes.
My daughter loved him.
He also loved her.
Chandru loves your daughter?
Who asked you to come in?
Security, what are you doing?
Why did you make him to sit?
Why are you shouting?
Call your son.
He wants to talk to him.
Why, what does he want to talk to my son?
- Call him. 
- How are you?
- I'm fine brother.
Dad, did you call me?
Your uncle has come to talk to you.
Uncle? 
Suppose he'd married you I can call him uncle...
Because he's my aunt's husband.
- Now why... uncle.
- You didn't understand.
He wants to get you married to his daughter...
And become your father-in-law.
His daughter is not lucky enough for that.
He only told that you and his daughter love each other
Many girls love me in college. 
But I should love them, isn't it?
If his daughter loves me, ask her to come. 
I'll keep her.
As a servant.
Marriage invitation.
It's for you. 
Take it.
You know who's getting married?
It's between my son do you know Umanath,...
A hundred times richer than you, his daughter.
Don't definitely come for marriage.
It's a minister's home wedding.
They won't let you in.
You know the date of marriage?
Remember your promise in front of all the villagers
' In the next auspicious date...
I'll conduct the marriage of my two daughters.
If it does not happen, it means that Padayappa's... ..breath has stopped '.
That same day,
Remember, when you stopped my marriage.
My dad also bowed his head like this, thinking of his daughter.
As my father hanged himself...
When he could not keep up his promise,...
You should also hang yourself in shame...
In front of the villagers.
Seeing that, I should feel happy.
Only then, my father's soul will rest in peace.
As I suffered for not getting the one I loved,...
Similarly, your daughter too should suffer all her life.
My servant who is your wife now, should cry... over her plight, all daughter's her life.
That's the pleasure Neelambari will derive...
After 18 years of self-imposed exile.
You boast that your path is unique, don't you?
My path too is unique!
You can't outsmart me, anymore!
Bravo! 
That was a master plan indeed.
You'll be a very successful politician.
This is the first time it has slipped, isn't it?
I change towels often but I don't lose them.
You keep it safely too!
Do you think I've forgotten the past?
A politician may fail to keep promises...
But he will never fail to avenge his insult.
Open the door, Padayappa is leaving.
I'm your daughter, I surely won't get cheated.
Why haven't you returned yet?
What took you so long?
Did you call for us urgently?
What's the matter?
Ask Vasundara to make arrangements for the marriage.
Are you sure?
- Don't you know my nature?
- But everything is in their favour.
But God is in our favour!
Padayappa and his men may come in disguise, be careful.
Don't worry, I'll take care!
Did you check the kitchen?
Are they keeping a watching?
Are the Mufty cops indoors?
Padayappa has arrived!
You aren't permitted to go inside.
- Why?
- Do you have an invitation?
- He's uninvited!
- That's right!
In fact I've come to invite!
- Whom?
- Son-in-law!
My son-in-law!
But why do you want to take him?
Because this marriage is against his wishes.
- Who said so?
- The groom himself said so.
- My son? 
- Yes, Honorable Minister's only son.
Why are you silent?
Speak up!
- I'll tell you.
- Hey! 
Who are you?
Why have you abducted me?
Don't you know who I am?
We know you, but you should know of one man who's very popular.
Look there!
Are you trying to threaten me?
- My father has many henchmen.
- They aren't henchmen.
They are my friends!
I too have a gang of men who obey my orders.
Your father's henchmen are cowards.
But my men are brave.
But I've never misused their services for my selfish motive.
I'm good to those who are good to me.
And you too are good.
I know that.
Tell me the truth.
- Weren't you involved with my daughter?
- No!
- Didn't you love her?
- No!
- Didn't you promise to marry her?
- No!
- Didn't you love her?
- No! 
Not at all!
Your daughter isn't worthy of me.
Why have you stopped?
Face her boldly...
And repeat what you just told me.
Pardon me, uncle!
They asked me to pretend to love Anitha, but I loved her truly.
If my father and Neelambari know of this, they'll kill me.
You should help us unite!
It slips only once!
Father!
Finally you joined him to stage a drama.
No. 
One hit, not even one hit should fall on my son-in-law.
Mr.Suryaprakash, care for your son's life.
Don't listen to others to make his life miserable.
You are in a responsible post.
Don't misuse it.
Don't spoil the name of your party.
Enough of your advice.
He is my son. 
I'll compel him to marry.
If something happens to my son-in-law,...
Then anything might happen here.
What will you do?
Ever tell what I'll do and how I'll do,...
Know when it happen.
If a single man comes and do riots in the minister's house, keep quiet?
Beat and chase him out.
Yes, I'm a single man.
But to give their life to...
This single man,...... just peep and see how many are there.
Hey, how so much of crowd come into the city?
They forcibly entered as farmers.
See the Padayappa's army.
This is only a trailer.
You've not seen the main picture.
If you see it, you'll be shaken.
You have political influence.
I have people's influence.
You live on police's power.
I live on people's power.
In front of this power, your power is nothing.
Let us see if your power is strong or mine is strong.
What are you looking, shoot everybody.
How many will you shoot? 
how many will you shoot?
See how many police do you have, how many guns...
Wand how many bullets in it.
How many people can you shoot?
Do a small calculation and see.
If you shoot some also, the others will smash you.
Come to our side, or else you'll also die.
I won't mind that you are my father-in-law.
I'll die peacefully by being a slipper to this man...
Rather than being a father-in-law to a man like you.
Life will go at anytime.
Let it go after uniting such a good pair.
Shoot me!
Come on IG sir, give the shooting order.
If you shoot four people, others will run.
Hey, those who run and jump are on your side, politics.
Those OH this side are faithful ones.
If Padayappa says a word, we won't shout,...
But tear you into piece.
Don't try to test our man.
If you try it, we will do anything.
What do you say?
What are you waiting for?
It's an order!
Sir, why do you think it is so simple.
See there.
Already the press people are writing...
About what's happening here.
One thing if you wish, I can only stop them from getting inside...
And secure you, that's all.
If something happens tomorrow, I can't answer CM, sir.
Try to convince your son and get him married.
What trying to convince him?
If the groom is not interested how will you get him married.
Have we come to watch it and give Rs.5 and Rs.10 as gift.
We are silent because you are a police... would pieces.
otherwise have torn you we into
Tell them brother.
My brother's smile is more than enough.
Silently send the groom.
The groom, brother-in-law, father-in-law are against you.
This is your family problem, sir.
Don't make it a politics sir, please.
Mr.Padayappa, there should be no problem here.
If the groom agrees, you can take him with you.
- Do you wish to go with him?
- Yes.
This is POLICE.
You would now remember the drama you staged by fooling... ..and stopping my daughter's wedding.
Once you won. 
Good. 
I woke up.
Now you would have understood my way is a unique way.
Tell all our partymen and blackcats..
That my son's funeral might take place but not this wedding.
I'm also coming.
Take the car.
Hey, cut to the left.
Put the brake and lift to the left.
Then, what hobbies.
Sports uncle.
What game do you like?
Cricket... then... hockey, then... badminton, tennis uncle...
I like football See how it is flying.
We can't sir. 
Come back!
You lived in city.
Will you like villages.
Wherever Anitha is, I like it uncle.
Hey, there is a pit.
Put the brake and lift.
He escaped!
- He escaped from us also, over.
- Go fast!
See he is coming, hit his car.
No you are the groom.
Why you go to this rowdies.
You sit.
I'll tackle them.
- I've mastered this art.
- No, uncle you are aged.
Am I you sit inside and watch my age.
Sit son-in-law!
You are not aged.
A lady is coming with a What are you looking at?
Come all of you.
Whatever happens here, nobody should move from their place.
Forgive me Padayappa.
No I'm worthless even to say your name.
Since I couldn't possess you...
I tried to ruin you and your family.
But I failed.
Even now, I tried to kill you in front of your eyes.
Still you tried to save me.
So you are not a human, you are a God.
You thought I would say that.
Never.
I'm not an ordinary woman.
This anger will not end in eighteen,... twenty years not till the end of life not even if my life ends.
I'm not servant Vasundra to live with a life you gave me.
Hey, you won in this birth.
If there is a rebirth,...
This Neelambari will definitely take revenge on you.
Though how many times you take rebirth,...
A greedy man and aloud woman have never been happy... .there is no such history.
You didn't live happily when you were alive.
Sees let your soul rest in peace.
God.
There are thousands of obstacles in life.
Obstacles are your stepping stone.
There are thousands of obstacles in life.
Obstacles are your stepping stone.

[Narrator] Somewhere out there in the oceans and mountains is a place where time does not exist.
When we get to that place, there is a voice in us that challenges us to go one step further.
[thunder rumbles] [man chanting in native language]
[Narrator] And those who find that place and then return to the presence of others become the speakers.
They are the messengers.
[Man] The ocean talks to us in different ways.
It talks to everyone in different ways.
For me, because of my culture, because of who I am, because of being Hawaiian.
Our ancestors have taught us to read the elements-- to read the wind, to read the earth, to read the ocean, the waves, the water, the reefs, the fish, the marine life,
because there are signs that tell you what is happening or what is about to happen.
When there are certain currents that's moving, certain tidal currents, it's telling you that the surf is coming up.
When the clouds are moving in a certain direction, or the color of the sunset is telling you of different storms that's moving across.
There's so many different signs that the ocean, the skies that will communicate to you if you know what you're looking for.
Tow-in surfing is using a jet ski to be towed into waves that is too big to paddle into.
It's a sport of a team, of a group.
You can only survive by your teammate, from the man who's pulling you into the wave to the man who's safetying you from the side.
When that lifeguard has to respond to a worst case scenario, it's a life and death situation.
These people are pulling into the biggest barrels and the biggest waves in the deepest zone and the hardest impact area in the most extreme conditions.
There's no way humanly possible you could paddle into these waves, so when you wipe out into these massive volumes of surf, you're under for just a long, long time.
You really need to train not only your mind, but your body and your soul to get ready for that intense wipe-out.
What I've been doing lately is I grab this 80-pound lava rock, and we'll go running in the channel.
We'll just go back and forth and just keep going until we pretty much just tire ourselves out.
My biggest strength is knowing my weaknesses and try to strengthen my weaknesses in whatever I do.
[man chanting in native language] [dialing telephone]
[Surf Report Announcer] Now the Wave riders, GQ here with your special edition update, your forecast for Big Wednesday.
It'll be the biggest swell we've seen all year.
Some spots could reach 30 feet, and it's going to be an epic day for tow-ins and Waimea Bay.
[Man] We knew this day was coming.
This is the first time that anyone on the island of Oahu has ever attempted to ride waves of this size.
We've been out there on 30-foot days before.
And this was bigger.
This was much larger.
January 28, 1 998-- the first time 35- and 45-foot waves were ever ridden.
It's a milestone that will be measured from now on.
[man chants in native language]
[Man] When I am going out to push against what I am capable of doing,
I have to have fear.
Fear is the thing that, uh, keeps you sane.
Without fear, you'd do something insane.
20 tears of climbing have taught me to use that fear as kind of a friend and let it focus my concentration and just bring me into the moment of what I'm doing and really concentrate on the climbing and perform better.
[Catherine Mulvihill] I realize that I've got to control that fear and select from that fear and determine what's real and what's imaginary.
There's a learning curve there, and over time you get acclimated to more technical steep terrain, and you grow into it.
[Barry Blanchard] I like to get out into places that no human has ever been before and who knows what's there, and often, that can take everything you've got to get through the face and up to the top or down to the bottom or halfway up and down.
Soloing's climbing without a rope, climbing by yourself without a rope.
If you fall, you're going to fall all the way to the ground.
It's just you and the waterfall, and you're climbing.
The feeling is, uh, freedom.
It's just freedom.
When you're soloing, you're alone, and that has rewards, but I think you probably glean more rewards from interacting with your partner, or, in my case, going climbing with my wife.
[Mulvihill] I think the self-reliance aspect of climbing can make you aware of the possibility of doing things you never imagined, and I think it just makes you realize how far a human being can push themselves.
If you do something like that with style and control, that's a perfect day.
[Woman] Yeah, I think that the feeling of the mountains is something that you have within you, and I don't think I could ever live away from that.
I know that there are lots of powers and spirits.
I feel that every day.
The mountains in Alaska are just something spectacular.
You're just surrounded by mountains as far as you can see, and then you have the chance to be able to ski all that--
I mean to pick up a line and say "I want to ski this" or "I want to ski that,"
and that's just incredible.
[Man] It's a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach when you are out there, and you feel like it's time travel, and you could have been there millions of tears ago and it wouldn't have been much different.
The snow quality up here is incredible.
The mountains are just really beautiful and steep, very steep.
[Woman] Earth, my body.
Skiing is an expression of style.
It's how you interpret the mountain.
It's how you use the mountain.
It's how you flow down the mountain and what you choose to do with whatever's in front of you.
Earth, my body.
Water, my blood.
Wind, my breath.
Fire, my spirit.
Earth, my body.
Water, my blood.
Wind, my breath.
Fire, my spirit.
Earth, my body.
Water, my blood.
With snow safety,
I always check-- first of all, wherever I go,
I check with the people who are in the know, the most knowledgeable people in the area, and I find out from them what the snow pack's been doing.
Those are the people that are going to save your life because if you don't check with someone and you go out there on your own, you can get smoked.
[Francine Moreillon] No, I don't think you want to beat the mountain because, again, you know that the mountain will always be stronger than you.
But you just have to be in harmony with the mountain, and once you can achieve that, it means that you've understood a little bit,
Like a very little bit, of how the mountain functions.
[Gordy Peifer] Sloughing is one of the finer things in Alaska.
It's when snow moves with you while you're skiing, and it's not really an avalanche in the sense that the slope fractures and the whole slope starts moving with you.
It's more that the snow that you're skiing starts moving with you.
And once that snow starts moving, it takes all the rest of the snow below it with it, and then eventually it's this huge mass of snow moving all around you, and either you're in front of it, you're behind it, or you're in it.
If you're in it, you don't want to stay in it.
If you're in front of it, you want to stay in front of it, and if you're behind it, that's probably the safest place to be, but it's not always the most fun because you have to go slow then.
It's an amazing feeling skiing when the snow is moving.
I guess I got some firsthand knowledge of how good a helmet is for you.
It wasn't a serious exposure on that line that I was risking death.
I knew I could tumble, otherwise I wouldn't have aired that top air.
I tried to recover as hard as I could, and for a split second I thought I had it--
I guess that's what usually happens-- and I just couldn't pull it off, and I knew the rocks were coming.
I also knew I could clear the cliff band, so I was basically hoping I wouldn't hit my head, and as it happened, I did hit my head, and the helmet was there for me.
[Man] The addiction to adrenaline is what gets most people into these action sports, and once you get hooked on that adrenaline that comes pretty easily through snowboarding or through surfing, you get fueled up. 
You do a run, and you get this adrenaline feeling, and then the endorphins flow, and you get addicted to that feeling.
But after a while, that feeling,
I don't think it's really enough to keep you fully stoked as a lifestyle, but the things that go with it-- the people you meet and the attitudes that they have and just your integration with the environment,
the mountains, with the ocean-- that whole lifestyle environment is what keeps me going.
I think the best part about snowboarding is that while I'm doing it, there's nothing else on my mind.
When I'm snowboarding and I'm really in tune with myself and in tune with the run,
I feel like I'm experiencing the moment for exactly what it is-- no distractions, no hindrances.
It's just that next turn in front of me.
And when that happens, it's a really calm sort of feeling.
It's like I'm in the right place.
I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be and everything is all lined up.
It's just a natural flow just with the rest of the mountain.
[Women singing in Middle-Eastern language]
I've had somebody explain it to me that what I do, it's an escape from real life.
It's a way that I can go out there and just be on my own terms and escape the harshness of really.
And to me, it's-- rather than an exit from something else, it's really an entrance.
It's like you're really in tune with the type of person that you want to be and you're comfortable with who you are and your position in the environment and the world and everything that defines you,
it seems to be all lined up where it should be.
And it doesn't last long.
It's usually over by the time you make the last turn in your run and you take your bindings off and you look back up the hill and you see the tracks.
Your mind slowly wanders back into some sort of really.
But for a while there, while you were coming down the hill, it seemed just right.
[Woman] For me to have the same excited feeling of learning and accomplishment that I had my first day of snowboarding,
I have to continue to push myself and do things I didn't think I could do so that I have that feeling of overcoming a fear or accomplishing something.
I do get that feeling that I had my first day from pushing myself, doing something I didn't think I could do.
[Woman] ? 
Flocking to the sea ?
? 
Crowds of people wait for me ?
? 
Seagulls scavenge ?
? 
Steal ice cream ?
? 
Worries vanish ?
? 
Within my dream ?
? 
I left my soul there ?
? 
Down by the sea ?
? 
Lost control here ?
? 
Livin' free ?
? 
I left my soul there ?
? 
Down by the sea ?
? 
Lost control here ?
? 
Livin' free ?
? 
Fishin' boats sail past the shore ?
? 
No singing ?
? 
Mayday anymore ?
? 
The sun is shinin' ?
? 
The water's clear ?
? 
Just you and I walk along the pier ?
? 
I left my soul there ?
? 
Down by the sea ?
? 
Lost control here ?
? 
Livin' free ?
You feel very tiny on a mountain, and I know that I have to be smart and pick my lines carefully and that I can enjoy the mountains and experience maybe the best times of my life there, but I have to do it with a lot of respect
because we're so small and those big mountains could just take you out in a second.
[Craig Kelly] I'm not really out there doing things or changing things or making a big impact on Mother Nature.
I'm just a part of it, a really small part of it.
And it's sort of calming to know that all that exists in a really pure state, whether you're there or not.
[Man] I realized right from the very first time I windsurfed that I was hooked.
The first time I got on a board and lifted up that sail and just started moving 5, 1 0 feet and fell,
I knew I was hooked right off the start.
Whenever I'm in the ocean, I feel no worries.
So if I go windsurfing for a few hours,
I can forget everything.
There's a thing called manna, which is your spiritual power, tour force, and for many Hawaiians, their manna comes from the ocean.
Their power is derived from the ocean.
All of the athletes from the nature sports share something very common.
And it's because we're all out there where we feel our strongest.
And I think all of these athletes do it because they feel that manna.
[Man] The feelings that you get even just preparing to go out on a big day are what drive you to do it.
And it's that excitement and that adrenaline and that anticipation that makes it such a rush.
Just rigging up and getting out there, the whole preparation.
Getting out on the water, seeing it-- the first wave, you know, moving in.
It's an amazing feeling just being close to that much power.
The core of the whole thing is fun, it's enjoyment.
It doesn't matter how good you are, how great a waterman you are, how great a swimmer you are.
You have to respect the amount of power that's there.
People in any sport that have done well and maintained a grounded position and continue to do it because they love it never really let it get to their head.
I really respect that, no matter what the sport.
[Woman] Each different rock type has a different way of climbing on it.
You have to be sensitive to the forms on the rock, and you have to adapt yourself to that shape and that's what's nice about climbing.
You're in a beautiful place, and it's really inspiring.
There's no better way to learn about the nature of life than to try to go with that flow and do the best you can each time.
When you step off the ground on a climb, you know it is going to be an adventure, and you have to deal with everything that comes your way.
Climbing is very simple, and you have to rely on yourself, and you have to figure it out for yourself.
You have to be responsible for making decisions and being a little bit creative.
[Woman] ? 
Love, love is a verb ?
? 
Love is a doing word ?
? 
Fearless on my breath ?
? 
Gentle impulsion ?
? 
Shakes and makes me lighter ?
? 
Fearless on my breath ?
? 
Teardrop on the fire ?
? 
Fearless on my breath ?
It's about the relationship with nature and also human nature because I'm usually with a climbing partner.
And that's one of the things that gives meaning to my climbing, is having fun with my friends in beautiful places and discovering things all the time.
? 
Light, light up the day ?
You learn so many things about yourself in climbing and how to relate to other people, how to solve problems, how to avoid problems.
If you go to sleep and you're dreaming about some climb or some beautiful place and you get up and you go out there and do it, that's sort of what it is all about.
? 
Teardrop on the fire ?
? 
Fearless on my ?
Everyone climbs for different reasons.
People take different things away from climbing, whether it's just the beauty of the environment, the feeling of the movement, being with your partner.
Some people just climb because they want to sat they've done the hardest route.
[Lynn Hill] I climbed everything.
I climb trees, and I just like being active.
I like being engaged in the environment and playing outdoors, so it was a natural for me.
The imagination is really key, especially in climbing, because you look at the form of nature and you're trying to adapt to it and flow with it, and kids do that very well.
They don't think about it.
They just look at the situation, and they try to imagine what's possible instead of being told what's possible or not possible.
[Man chanting in native language]
When you're in a beautiful place, you can connect with that energy in that place in the world.
When you're there, you're opening up your vision to the rock, and you can't really think about other things when you're climbing.
You're just thinking about what you're doing and trying to bring a certain lightness to it.
You don't want to feel heavy.
You want to feel like it doesn't take any energy at all.
You're just flowing up this beautiful rock.
[thunder]
Climbing has changed me.
In some ways, it's taught me what works and what doesn't, really, and when I rely on my intuition and I do what I believe in, what I feel, it's usually right.
And I think you need to develop that so that you can pay attention to it more, and that's why, when you go climbing, you bring it back to simplicity and you rely on a little bit of equipment,
but mostly yourself, your own decisions, and feeling about being in that place at that time.
You learn respect when you are sensitive to nature and all its forms and beauty, and you can stop and listen and be open to perceiving it.
Nature is the best form of art to me.

Set.
Action!
-Paper.
-Paper!
One, two, three!
Yes!
-It was really good.
-Where do you want these things?
Cut. 
That was a good one.
Action.
-And cut.
-Cut there.
Go!
-Cut.
-Cut there.
That was roll 50.
Die!
Place her action.
Oh, yeah! 
Very good.
And fall!
About that high.
Andy, that'll look--
All right?
He's not gonna make it.
Places and action!
Cut.
Boom.
Jeez!
-Was I late?
-Cut.
Freeze!
And-- 
-No, hold it.
-Hold it.
And action!
Action!
Go!
Cut!
-Spot your positions.
-Can I have a clear set, please?
Your handstand?
But I wanted it clean.
-What? 
What?
-Just making it clean, you know?
This was-- I'll shut up. 
Triple kick, yeah!
Forget the handstand.
Ancient history.
Be here now.
And action!
Cut.
Cut there.
All right, let's see that back on the big screen.
Smith.
Agent Smith.
You all look the same to me.
Spacing.
And action!
One, two, three!
Shit.
-Sorry.
-It's okay.
Probably that line.
-I am-- 
-Tired.
I am. 
I am tired.
We'll consider that.
-Give it the college try.
-That's all I can do, brother.
That's just the way I was trained.
Should we think about trying to... 
... turnyouaroundabit? 
ls that too much stuff?
What else do you got that you could do... 
... that'seasier?
Not much, eh?
We're all ducking and dodging at this point.
I mean, the ducking and dodging that happens over there later is... 
... alittlebiteasierbut....
They're in the walls.
Action!
No, Morpheus! 
Don't!
Trinity, go!
Go!
Action!
And action!
Cut it! 
Cut that.
Weapons up.
Fingers off the triggers.
Cut.
Cut.
Oops, sorry.
Action!
Cut.
Go again right away?
And action.
Cut.
Action.
And action.
And action.
Actually, you better kick... 
... overthehip.
Excellent.
And roll sound.
-Roll it!
-Stay on the deck.
Fall.
Light.
Fire!
Action!
-Now!
-Go!
--water like that.
The roof, tie it up on top.
-Cut!
-Cut there.
Action!
Cut!
And roll sound, please.
Action!
I deliver perfection...
and don't brag about it! 
:
D
This movie takes place... 
... inanothertimeand place with unbelievable effects.
The Matrix is science fiction... 
... butit'salso an action/adventure film.
You see things that are fantastic.
And you say, "Wait a second.
That's impossible. "
Freeze it.
When they explained to me the movie they were making... 
... Igotfiredupbecausenobody's made this kind of movie before.
Synthesizing evolution... 
... actingintheconstruct...
... givingfleshto acartoon, soul to a machine.
The movie takes place in the distant future.
It is a time when computers rule the world.
You have a world of people who believe they're real... 
... butthey'renot.
They're living in a computer program.
There are a number of other people who are trying to liberate... 
... thosepeople... 
... fromtheircaptivities.
It's about taking everything for granted.
Other times, it's about hope and love... 
... andbelief.
It's about robots versus kung fu.
And there's some crazy action.
Sydney's a beautiful town.
Who wouldn't want... 
... 5monthsin Australia?
Filming on location in Sydney... 
... isa pleasure.
We're in a great city... 
... witha veryprofessionalcrew.
We're in Sydney in a beautiful new facility.
This stage is brand-new.
We're the first movie on this stage.
When we moved in here... 
... thepaintwaswet onthewalls .
"Do not touch the walls."
Is it okay if I kind of come forward?
It's difficult to ask, "Where do you get your ideas from?"
Nobody knows.
They just sort of happen.
A friend of ours asked us to come up with a concept for a comic book.
We like kung fu movies.
We like Japanimation.
We like science fiction books that are about the nature of reality.
You've been living in a dream world, Neo.
This is the world... 
... asitexiststoday.
What's interesting about the whole idea of cyberpunk is... 
... it'sa greatwayto create a sense of alienation... 
... anddisconnection and alternate worlds... 
... beingcaughtin these...
... quasi-dream,quasi-conscious states.
How far do you want me up like this?
-That's it.
-That's the look.
I first met Larry and Andy when I read Assassins  anditreallywas anincredible script. 
It was a very dark, edgy... 
... pieceofmaterial.
I was impressed with that style.
They showed me this animated Japanese cartoon... 
... andtheysaid, "We wanna do that for real."
You know, that was an incredible idea to me.
I mean, to actually see that animation come to life... 
... andbelieveme ,essentially,ithas. 
We've had our eye on you for some time now, Mr. Anderson.
In one life, you're Thomas A. Anderson... 
... programwriterfor a respectable software company.
The other life... 
... islivedin computers...
... whereyougo by  the hacker alias "Neo" ... 
... andareguiltyofvirtuallyevery  computer crime we have a law for.
I play a man named Thomas Anderson who's looking... 
... forMorpheus,who'splayed by Laurence Fishburne.
I'm searching for the answer.
The question is: 
What is the Matrix?
My character feels that the answer will somehow make sense of his life.
At last.
My character is called Morpheus... 
... andMorpheusis apersonwholives  in the real world.
And he's the leader of this band of people... 
... lookingfor... 
... theOne.
You felt it your entire life:
Something's wrong with the world.
You don't know what, but it's there.
Like a splinter in your mind.
He is this, like... 
... feveredmissionaryguy.
He's a zealot.
There's something dangerous about people who believe they have the truth.
They do sort of act blindly.
This is your last chance.
After this, there is no turning back.
You take the blue pill... 
... thestoryends,you wakeup in your bed and believe... 
... whateveryouwanttobelieve.
You take the red pill... 
... youstayin Wonderland...
... andI showyouhow deep the rabbit hole goes.
There are references to... 
...Alice in Wonderland.
I think that is a brilliant book.
She comes into this world... 
... andthereis allthiscraziness.
People just give her things and say, "Eat this", "Drink this."
Everything affects her and changes her... 
... andnothingmakessense.
Nothing's logical.
It's just the way you have to do it.
We tried to do that with the beginning of the film.
The thing I love about Trinity... 
... isthatI'mportrayingsomeone who's really strong... 
... andwhohasamissionandpurpose.
Can you fly that thing?
Not yet.
Operator.
I need a pilot program for a B-212 helicopter.
She's a warrior.
Yet, I don't think that she's lost being a woman.
Lieutenant.
Oh, shit.
Agent Smith is the law enforcement... 
... andhe'sseeminglyaninvincible machine who develops... 
... humanfrailties.
There was an accident.
Goddamn car accident.
Cypher was a disciple, a strong disciple of Morpheus.
But now, I've had second thoughts.
Did he tell you why he did it?
Why you're here?
Jesus!
What a mind job.
So you're here to save the world.
Then you go from the-- To--
Speaking about Larry and Andy together as a pair, as a team of writers... 
... IlikenthemtotheBrothersGrimm. 
I imagine that's what the Brothers Grimm were like.
Action.
Boom! 
Good.
Somebody's gonna be here.
They work well together, wonderful sense of humor.
So you do get a dialogue happening that is normally... 
... justwithin the one director's head.
So it's normally one director talking to themselves... 
... workingoutaproblemandexpressing their solution to that problem.
Whereas, with Larry and Andy, you'll see... 
... you'llseethedialoguegoingon.
They're just like real guys.
There's none of that kind of "Hollywood" thing.
It's not evident at all.
They're from Chicago.
They wear shorts, they wear baseball hats.
They watch basketball games.
They love movies.
They get so excited.
There's nothing greater than doing a scene... 
... andforthemtogetexcited.
Monday!
Monday, I will no longer just be a computer nerd.
I will be a superhero!
They search for clarity.
They're very thoughtful... 
... andyetthey'revery....
They have a wonderful sense of humor.
Action!
It's really... 
... youknow,unusualthatdirectors...
... aresosureofwhat they want .
They know exactly what they want... 
... whatangletheywannaseeitat...
... whattheactorsshouldsay...
... whenhetakesabreath in his speech.
They had storyboards of fight sequences that they wanted.
Certain punches and kicks... 
... andflipstheywantedtosee.
I see some of the framing of Frank Miller.
There's some... 
... Japaneseangles... 
... andperspectivesin it .
Dodge this.
They worked with people that they knew from the comic book world... 
... anddesigned these fantastic things.
We went into the first Warner Bros. story meeting... 
... andtheysaid,"Okay...
... weknowwe 'vebought something cool.
We don't know what it is."
"Could you take us through it once?"
It helped translate the movie for us.
Nobody really understood... 
... thelevelof action we wanted in the action sequences.
Then when we'd show the storyboard to people, they'd go, "Whoa. 
Jeez. "
The scale that you can pull off... 
... withcomicsis just always fantastic.
You can freeze a moment and make an image... 
... that'ssortof sustained.
There's some action that we can do a lot better in comics... 
... andsomethings that were better in film.
Kung fu is great on film.
We're supposed to start with these programs first.
That's major boring shit.
Let's do something more fun.
How about... 
"Jujitsu"?
I'm going to learn jujitsu?
And action!
Just roll your chest down.
Bring it down.
One of the things that we love about Hong Kong action... 
... ishowtheyshootfightscenes with the long takes and wider angles.
But they also do this wire work... 
... whichisveryfluidandpeople, you know, fly around... 
... andjumpincredibly.
It's very balletic and everybody... 
... hasa superhuman, supernatural grace.
We wanted to bring that kind of wire work to our movie.
Cut! 
Raise up!
You don't have to go up so high.
More out. 
It just looks better.
At first, Larry and Andy were frustrated because their dream was to work... 
... withthisguy that did Fist of Legend.
Through contacts in Hong Kong... 
... wetrackedtheguy down and it turned out to be Wo Ping.
Wo Ping rocks.
He's one of the best.
We love his movies.
We been watching them for years.
I think it's good for Laurence.
He said, "I really don't know how they got my number."
He was in Beijing making a movie... 
... andgotacallsayingthebrothers were interested in him.
He said, "I'm very busy.
I don't have the time."
And the call came again.
He read the script and he... 
... thoughtitwas a very brilliant script.
So he decided he should do it.
One of the incredible experiences here, unlike any movie I've done... 
... isthatourfourleadsspent ...
... 3or4monthstrainingwithWoPing  and his Hong Kong stunt team.
These aren't athletes, but actors.
To paint your house, you hire a painter, not an actor pretending he's a painter.
They really had to learn... 
... afightingstyle they never had learned before.
It was a tremendous hardship... 
... butit'sevidentonthefilm that that's Laurence, Carrie-Anne... 
... andKeanuin thosescenes doing that stuff... 
... andit'sastounding.
We started training in October of '97.
Trained all the way... 
... throughtillMarchof' 98 .
That was on, like, an everyday basis.
One, two, three!
Ready?
It was a very involving, exhausting process.
I initially thought we were gonna be doing kung fu for maybe... 
... 4or5weeks.
Something like that.
It ended up being months and months of training.
The interesting thing is in the challenge.
The challenge is how to make these people look like they know... 
... andarebornwiththeskills.
We all sort of have our own person... 
... thatisourteacher.
Mine is Mo Dai. 
He really held my hand in the beginning... 
... andwasveryhardonme  at the same time.
Chu is Keanu's main guy... 
... andChudoesn'tspeakanyEnglish.
Then we have Dion, who oversees us, and he speaks... 
... betterEnglishthanthe rest.
And he's sort of our go-between... 
... WoPingandus. 
We've had various movie kung fu dojos ... 
... inLosAngelesand inAustralia...
... andatlunch, we'd sit with our legs... 
... tryingtoopenthe rustygates and stretch.
Watch kung fu movies and see what was good and bad.
Action.
I really didn't know... 
... ifI wouldbe abletodo what they were asking me to do.
I was going every day, getting on the wires... 
... andbeingliftedupjust toget the feeling of being on the wire.
Practicing, sort of getting up the wall... 
... andthenhavingthe wallpadded and going along the padded wall... 
... andthemtakingthe pad off  and me being terrified.
I couldn't do the wire the day they took the pads off... 
... becauseI wasso afraid.
He's very inventive and organic, the way he works.
You must have your own style, but you also have to have... 
... youknow,goodkungfu.
Initially, I think Wo Ping and the wire team, they took us on... 
... andthoughtwe wereuseless, which we were, hopeless at kung fu.
But they realized after a couple weeks... 
... maybeweweregonnabeableto get to a level where we'd be... 
... halfwaydecent.
It was really intense, but it was a lot of fun.
And again it's... . 
It's the kind of thing... 
... thatyouveryrarelygetan opportunity to do something like this.
I feel incredibly blessed to have... 
... workedwithWo Pingand his team.
So what do you need?
Guns.
Lots of guns.
I'm gonna pass out to everybody a rubber handgun... 
... togooverthe weaponsparts...
... andyoucanphysicallyhave something.
These are 100% safe.
Turn!
Kill!
Pick up your weapon and hold it with two hands in front of you.
Almost everyone has a great position.
We tried to... 
... notdogunshow  they're always done.
The guns should be at each other's-- What do we do?
Directors!
Yes.
I tried to make it kind of funny.
Please remove any metallic items you're carrying.
Keys, loose change.
The sets on the picture... 
... alloriginated from the visual design... 
... thatLarryandAndyachieved in storyboarding the film.
They were executed, built and designed... 
... byOwenPaterson, who's our production designer.
It's full of details.
We're trying to create... 
... anenvironmentwhichis just an illusion.
This is my ship.
The Nebuchadnezzar.
This is the main deck.
Don't pull it anymore!
And we're trying to use... 
... contemporarytechnology and a slightly retro fashion... 
... andsomethingthatlooksdifferent to your archetypal spaceship.
We've fallen back a great deal onto, and utilized... 
... asLarryandAndywantedusto,  Geof Darrow's drawings, which were... 
... theoriginalconcept.
We tried to promote that idea of reality that isn't real.
You'll look at it and go, "That's a real place."
There are the illusions within it.
There's some of the most spectacular stunt stuff... 
... I'vebeeninvolvedwith.
There's style and visual effects that has not ever been seen before.
"Bullet Time." Registered trademark.
Enter "the Gaeta."
"The Gaeta Force."
Let's get the wind cue right.
Nobody's around.
In this particular rig... 
... thereare120cameras and two motion-picture cameras set up.
Bullet Time was conceived for The Matrix specifically... 
... butI thinkit 's the byproduct of the directors... 
... observingtechnologyandasking...
... therightquestion at the right time.
That's the money cam at the end... 
... thatlastone,wherethebullet will come over your head.
I could shoot the same exact stunt several times over.
I can also do things like go forward in time... 
... orstopthecameraabruptly and move backwards... 
... whiletheaction continues to move forward.
I can create a three-dimensional construction of the object.
Everything begins with a simulation... 
... andallthemathfortheshot.
Works backwards from there.
These guys have a lot... 
... ofspecificnotionsabouttheworlds that they're creating.
They're pretty over the top.
You're allowed to do things you wouldn't normally do.
We were going to slow motion to high-speed... 
... jump-cutting, crossing the line, everything.
To achieve what seems like a fairly simple thing to do... 
... toflyahelicopterdown  the front of a building... 
... andrescuesomeone by jumping out a window.
It seems, if we see it in the film, a seamless object.
But in fact, it's been shot in two different buildings.
It's been shot on a big set.
To figure out how to make that scene work--
We wanted the glass to explode in sort of an ever-expanding circle.
To actually figure out how to make the glass do that... 
... andwhatglasstouse,  it probably took... 
... threemonths of heavy-duty research.
It's such a rare experience... 
... fora groupof actorsinfilm , maybe in theater, to work together--
We'll have worked together for a year... 
... bytheendofthis .
It's been a great, kind of, melding... 
... ofheartandsoul and spirit and action.
Working on a film of this magnitude... 
... hasbeenan enormous eye opener for me.
It's kind of chased away a few demons for me... 
... andit'seducatedmemore .
Working on a film with this budget and on this scale has been great.
I really think that this is the first film of the next century... 
... ofthemillennia...
... theyearY2K,they'recallingit.
It is monumental.
I think it is--
It's groundbreaking.
Something people have never seen before... 
... andit'sgonnatake people's breath away.
There will be a lot of films that will be disciples of this movie.
Andy and Larry will start... 
... anewvisualstyle,youknow...
... thatwillbe very...
... well-knownandwell-remembered.
Ripped with SubRip 0.97b  Corrected by CdinT (Cristi_Polacsek@SoftHome.net)
I deliver perfection...
and don't brag about it! 
:
D
I deliver perfection...
and don't brag about it! 
:
D
Bullet-time is a stylistic way of showing... 
... thatyou'rein  a constructed reality... 
... andthattimeand space are not the same as... 
... youknow,us today, living our lives.
It's slowing down time to such an extent... 
... thatyoureallysee  everything around you... 
... asclearlyas youpossiblycould.
Bullet-time was conceived for The Matrix, specifically.
But I think it's the byproduct of... 
... thedirectorsobserving the controls coming into place.
And then they ask the right question at the right time.
You always know that you're doing something groundbreaking... 
... ifsomeoneaskssomething, that you go:
"Maybe.
Maybe, if we do some development... 
... andgettherightminds working on it. "
And it takes some pretty heavy thinking to get it together.
Everything begins with a simulation.
All the computer simulation information is the basis... 
... ofthetimingsequence.
Each camera has a specific moment in time to fire a frame of film.
All that is taking into account... 
... thenet,totaleffect of the move.
That is, a camera coming up to speed, moving out of speed... 
... andcomingoffofspeed.
In this particular rig... 
... thereare120cameras and two motion-picture cameras set up.
The rig that we've made... 
... canbeconfiguredinto any shape that you want.
The shapes are basically what we compose... 
... inoursimulations.
It can do "S" curves.
It can do arcs.
It can do spirals.
It can do anything you want.
It's an erector set.
The heights of the cameras, where they point... 
... alsofromsamesimulation.
In the middle of that box right there... 
... isa motioncontrol laser-pointing system... 
... thattakesan animationfile and creates a point... 
... onthecube'ssurface, telling where to point the camera.
The two motion-picture cameras that'll be in this particular shot... . 
That's running at 150.
That one's running at 120.
There are bullet-times where the end camera is a Photosonics camera.
So we'll be running that at 360.
I can choose, at will... 
... anyelapsedreal-worldtime...
... tophotograph.
That is, if I have a guy falling over... 
... Icanchoosetocapture the whole event... 
... inthetimeittakes to go around the circle.
I could choose to capture only a very brief moment.
And that is how we determine what frame rate... 
... thecameraseventuallywindup.
I could shoot the same exact stunt several times over... 
... creatinga simulation of 100 frames per second... 
... 500or2000framespersecond...
... allwiththesamecameramove,  moving at the same speed and time.
I can go forward in camera motion... 
... andforwardin time with the event.
I can stop the camera abruptly... 
... startmovingbackwardswhile the action continues to move forward.
I can shoot the move coming from both sides at the same time... 
... crisscrossingoverandending.
I could shoot in waves, you know, cycles of film... 
... thatcrisscross like waves over the middle.
There is a very heavy digital half to this capture.
Not every frame that a camera captures... 
... istheonlyframe that will be seen.
There's a lot of a process we called "interpolation" ... 
... whichisthecreation of frames, digitally... 
... thatarethebyproduct...
... ofrealframes.
That is, we analyze what real frames we have.
And we can create new frames... 
... ofmomentsin between the captured frames... 
... tomakemoveslonger...
... orstretchthemout , or do time-compression effects.
There's a lot of work going on... 
... intheartformofinterpolation.
It needs to be said, because it's not "what you see is what you get."
It's all baby steps toward something much larger... 
... thatwon'tbe reallycommonplace for a few years.
But there are people around the world... 
... thataresortof scratching their heads... 
... abouta newway to photograph things.
It'll be as revolutionary as when cameras came off sticks... 
... andwentto acrane...
... whentheycameoff ofcranes and went to Steadicams.
We're talking about cameras that are now... 
... brokenfromthesubjectmatter, that are virtual.
That's the next phase.
That's what computers... 
... haveintroducedintocinematography.
Ripped with SubRip 0.97b  Corrected by CdinT (Cristi_Polacsek@SoftHome.net)
I deliver perfection...
and don't brag about it! 
:
D
I deliver perfection...
and don't brag about it! 
:
D
What if you were unable to wake from that dream?
How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?
This can't be.
Be what?
Be real?
Now.
There are fields, Neo, endless fields  where human beings are no longer born.
We are grown.
For the longest time, I wouldn 't believe it.
And then I saw the fields with my own eyes.
This is my ship.
The Nebuchadnezzar.
It's a hovercraft.
This is the main deck.
This is the core... 
... wherewebroadcastour piratesignal and hack into the Matrix.
Try to relax.
This will feel a little weird.
Shit.
Sentinels.
You scared the bejesus out of me.
-Sorry.
-It's okay.
Is that... ?
The Matrix?
Set her down there.
Ripped with SubRip 0.97b  Corrected by CdinT (Cristi_Polacsek@SoftHome.net)
I deliver perfection...
and don't brag about it! 
:
D

[KNOCK AT DOOR]
Hey, I know you.
You live across the street.
Oh, yeah? 
What's my name?
Uh... 
I don't know.
Right, so let's just keep this on a professional level.
Okay.
I'm selling overpriced cookies that taste like Styrofoam.
How many cartons should I put you down for?
Will my money go to a good cause?
Well, what do you consider a good cause?
Feeding the poor?
Our troop is taking a trip to the Fashion Cafe.
It's in New York.
I know where it is.
Aren't both of your parents successful attorneys?
[SIGHING]
Is that relevant to this cookie transaction in any way?
Your family is rich.
Why should I PAY FOR YOUR VACATION?
[WHIMPERING]
My troop leader said people are nice if you give them a chance.
She said I would learn from this experience.
[BAWLING]
No, no. 
It's okay. 
Don't cry.
[BAWLING CONTINUES]
It's so unfair.
First, your generation pollutes the world and plunders its natural resources.
Now, this.
Okay, okay, just calm down; 
I'll buy a box.
[WHIMPERING]
That'll be $80.
Eighty dollars? 
For cookies?
Okay, take my money.
Go visit the Fashion Cafe.
Maybe I'll buy a pony too.
Shouldn't you write down my name or something?
I don't like to leave a paper trail.
BOTH: 
Thank you.
You're welcome.
What?
You buckled under the pressure... wuss.
I helped a little girl learn a valuable lesson about life.
I think you encouraged her to pursue a life of crime.
No, I taught her by my example that you don't need a reason to help a neighbor.
It feels good to give.
Agh! 
That's ridiculous.
I'll bet you $20 it doesn't feel good to give.
You are on, my cynical friend.
Okay. 
To settle the question give me $40 and then tell me if it feels good.
That wouldn't FEEL GOOD.
Okay, then give me $20 because you lost the bet.
Did I just make a bet that would cost me $20 whether I won or not?
Yes, but you also got to help someone more fortunate than yourself.
[EXPLOSION]
[music]
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
[BUZZING]
This year, I have volunteered to chair the Associated Way charity drive for our county.
I think you all know why.
Is it because you need another plaque to cover a fly stain on your office wall?
Yes, that, and something about poor people.
I expect they'll send me some details in the mail.
[SHOUTING] It's like you're a saint or something!
No, Loud Howard, I'm no saint.
I just believe that people should do their fair share or in the case where one of those people is the boss other people should do it for him.
This is even more inspirational than last year.
Now, in keeping with tradition three charity coordinators will be chosen from the list of our most useless employees.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Wally.
Hey, top of the list four years in a row.
Whoo-whoo.
A dead guy we found in the stairwell, and the chair he's sitting in which we've named Ronald.
Mmm. 
Tough competition.
Congratulations. 
You will each be assigned an official Associated Way uniform and a donation container.
Cool.
Chicks dig a man in uniform.
Everybody who donates will get one of these colorful stylish "I Get to Keep my Job" t-shirts.
Of course, participation is completely 100% voluntary.
Any questions?
[ALL SHOUTING] Yeah, what about the carnival?
The carnival.
Please, please!
Yes, yes, all right, youngsters.
Settle down.
We'll have the company charity carnival, okay?
[ALL CHEERING]
I hate that carnival.
All the money raised at the carnival is spent paying for the carnival and it's based on the premise of cheap thrills and cheating--
Hardly charitable concepts.
How dare you!
How dare you denigrate the carnival!
Shh! 
Shh!
Dilbert, are you criticizing the carnival?
I'm a god, and I rarely admit that.
No, it's just that, uh...
Well, okay.
Exactly where does the money go?
Well, there's the poor, who I keep going on about.
And, of course, the plaques don't grow on trees.
Isn't the plaque made of wood?
So?
Then it does grow on a tree.
Why do you ask a question if you already know the answer?
He's an arrogant bastard?
Now listen, punk.
If you think you can reinvent the wheel--
The Ferris wheel, that is-- then go right ahead...
Carnival chairman Dilbert.
Ha-harr!
What just happened?
So, Dilbert, how much can I put you down for?
Here's 20 bucks.
Now leave me alone until next year.
Ooh, $20. 
I'll see if they'll name a hospital after you.
You don't even know where the money goes.
I don't know where pudding comes from, but I eat it.
That is such a bad analogy.
Thank you, Wally.
Now I can never eat pudding again.
Well, it wouldn't hurt you to cut down on the calories.
No matter what people say, Alice, looks ARE important.
Alice, have you fulfilled your obligation to society?
Yes. 
I signed up for payroll deduction.
I like to give.
I'm morally superior to Dilbert.
That is so illogical.
As long as there are starving people in the world you can't have money in the bank and still claim to be moral.
There is ample precedent for my behavior.
It is completely societally appropriate to give only as much as one can afford.
You just bought six pairs of shoes that look exactly the same.
That came out of my shoe budget.
Don't rock the boat, Dilbert.
It's a fragile system.
That shoe money could have fed a poor family for a year.
What's so moral about letting people starve to death so that you can have extra shoes?
Stop it. 
You're ruining everything.
I mean, until you give it all AWAY you're not more moral.
You just feel less guilty.
I don't agree. 
The concept of morality is contingent upon the cultural context.
I mean, the relative value of guilt in a so-called free society... 
I mean...
Altruistic inclinations are dependent upon...
I mean...
Damn. 
You're right.
I hate that.
Hey, can you spare a few dollars for the Disabled Veterans of Retail Security?
You don't look disabled to me.
I've got prickly heat.
Ed's just kind of slow.
Which one of us is Ed?
You're on my turf, fellas.
Don't start with me!
You wouldn't be the first guy in a monkey costume that I've had to kill.
Can you settle this outside?
I'm collecting for the Sisters of Perpetual Motion.
There's no such thing as perpetual motion.
Not now, but if we collect enough money, someday...
[ALL ARGUING]
ALICE: 
Who should I make that out to?
To the Society of Guys With Large Bellies
Who Don't Have Satellite Dishes Yet.
This will nearly triple our odds of seeing naked people who can't see us.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
I don't know if I mentioned that the cable viewer's guide-- that's extra.
BOY: 
Morning, gov'nor.
Would you help out a good cause and buy a candy bar?
Only five dollars.
How do I know my money won't be squandered in administrative expenses and never reach the...?
What was the cause again?
We're trying to find a cure for canine apathy.
Canine apathy?
By any chance, is your leader about two feet tall round glasses and a tail?
DOGBERT: 
Okay, urchins, bring the money to the van.
You seem a little short.
No, sir. 
No, I would never...
Do I have to run a full body-cavity search on you?
Good. 
And put more dirt on your face.
Dogbert.
I don't believe we've gotten a donation from you yet.
[LOUD, ANNOYING LAUGHING]
Uh-oh.
Chain reaction.
[LOUD, ANNOYING LAUGHING]
At least I'll get a few minutes of peace.
Howdy there. [SCREAMS]
My name is Foster from the organization of Farmers Who Are Afraid of Cows.
Why don't they just change jobs?
How's a cow going to change jobs, city boy?
Use your head.
Go away. 
Leave me alone.
[GASPS]
Would you donate money to Women Who Cut Their Hair Too Short and Don't Realize How Bad It Looks?
Money for Mountain Goats with Three Legs?
Hey! 
You're hiding your leg. 
I can see it.
Hey, mind your own business, buddy.
I'm not a man.
I heard there was a charity frenzy in progress.
Did I miss anything?
Okay, here, here.
This is all I have.
Everyone just leave me alone.
Oh, Dilbert.
I'd like you to pick up my plaque at the Associated Way banquet tomorrow night.
Tell them how grateful I am.
Do you think this could have waited until later?
Don't mind me.
I'll just wait.
[WHISTLING]
There I was in the NBA--
All-star forward multi-millionaire.
Life was good until I turned to drugs and alcohol.
Actually, that part was pretty good too.
I love DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.
But I did get kicked off the team and lost my entire fortune.
That's when the Associated Way helped me out.
I got sober; 
I started my own business.
Now I've got a beautiful wife great kids, a mistress a whole fleet of cars, mansions on both coasts and a Learjet, and best of all
I haven't paid any taxes in years.
[CHEERING]
Thank you.
I think we've all learned a valuable lesson about life.
And now, to accept the appreciation award on behalf of our county coordinator is one of his flunkies:
Dilbert.
[SPORADIC APPLAUSE]
On behalf of my boss who didn't care enough to be here thank you for this lovely plaque.
[SPORADIC APPLAUSE]
And if you don't mind me saying so, what exactly was the lesson we're supposed to get from this drugged-out basketball player?
[ALL GASP]
I mean, didn't he just teach us that if you become a drug addict your life will turn out fine?
[MURMURING]
It seems to me that this whole charity concept is nothing but an exercise in redistribution of guilt.
I'm all for helping the disadvantaged but aren't most of your funds going towards administrative costs?
Wouldn't it be more effective more cost-effective, more impactful if each of us just helped one other person?
But I digress.
Thank you all for this lovely plaque for my boss.
I'm sure you could have fed a family of four for what it cost to make it.
Dilbert's right. 
It's all guilt.
It was just an argument.
I wasn't trying to change anyone's mind.
Too late, Gandhi.
You've killed charitable giving forever.
Excuse me, sir. 
I...
I'm a woman, damn it!
Sorry.
Help!
It's over, man. 
Charity's dead!
That's it! 
Take this!
Here. 
Here's a donation.
Hey, what happened?
What happened?
Huh! 
Get this guy.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
See, we're the cleaning crew--
The crew that cleans up?
I understand that.
Oh, do you, with your college degree.
You know, we might not be engineers but there's a certain science to what we do too.
Well, no, there's not.
But I'm not here to argue.
You've just discarded all of Alice's possessions.
What, this junk?
Where she's going, she ain't going to be needing it.
Where's she going?
The street.
The street?
But how's she going to live?
What about food, clothing, shelter?
It's no problem.
It's not?
Nope. 
Not anymore.
Tell 'em!
Homeless Depot is the PLACE for all your homeless needs.
And AT PRICES THAT CAN'T BE BEAT.
ANNOUNCER: 
Homeless Depot.
Now in two convenient locations:
Our original location at 11233 Skid Row, and visit our newest Homeless Depot at 475 1/2, that dangerous part of that abandoned waterfront area down there.
Okay, let's see.
Sweater...
A sock... old rags...
Carton of soggy cigarette butts...
Those are on sale, right?
Do you have your Homeless Depot card?
Of course.
That's another 20% off.
Alice.
What do you want, Dilbert?
You gave all your money away?
What choice did I have?
You convinced me that it would be immoral to hold on to it.
Hey, that is a spiffy shopping cart.
You like it? 
I customized it.
Is that a motor?
Yeah, nine horsepower.
[REVS ENGINE]
Wow.
Alice, I thought maybe I could get the carnival up and running again.
A carnival?
You mean, like, with rides?
Excuse me, do I know you?
I'm your neighbor.
I'm your friend.
I'm your relative.
I'm the one you won't make eye contact with, the one you're afraid to say hello to.
So, in other words, no.
Nah.
REPORTER: 
We're here at the Charity Carnival
The brainchild of this man, Dilbert
Who, ironically, is the same man whose popular, outspoken cynicism about charity has meant a death sentence to thousands of needy people.
Was that a question?
There you have it.
In his own words, he just doesn't care.
Wait. 
I know this one.
It's Ted.
Darn. 
How does he do it?
[BOSS CHUCKLING]
Next!
This booth is doing well.
Right this way!
See the freaks. 
One dollar.
Why not?
I can't get an outside line!
I can't even get an operator to get me an outside line!
What does this button mean?
!
I've never heard that sound before!
It's not a busy signal.
It's more like a... a beep-beep, beep-beep...
That's funny.
I could've sworn I put my glasses down right here.
I was reading the paper and then I got up... hmm.
Step right up...!
DOGBERT: 
Step right up.
Knock a street urchin off a beam with a baseball and win a toy.
Watch how easy it is to win.
Come on, folks.
Don't be shy.
Bean a street urchin with a baseball.
They look innocent, but you know they've done something to deserve it.
What about you, sir?
That is disgusting.
You mean to say, if I hit one of those kids with a baseball
I could win some of this stuff?
That's the premise.
Isn't that my camera and my binoculars and my CD Player?
Tell you what I'll do.
You hit one kid in the noggin with one baseball and I'll give you all the prizes close the booth and go home.
All THE PRIZES?
Is there an echo in here?
All right, I'll take a shot.
[CHILDREN CRYING AND SCREAMING]
[CHILD MOANS IN PAIN]
[CHILD FALLS TO GROUND]
Step right up.
Everybody plays.
Only I win.
Oh, that looks good.
[CHUCKLING]
How do they do that?
Hi! 
Hi!
[CHUCKLING]
Oh, something smells good.
Whoa.
I am just about partied out.
Oh, brother, I've got to sit down.
Oh... oh, nobody's sitting here.
I'll just take a load off till I get chased away.
[CHUCKLING] music La, dee-da, la, dee-da music
Get a shot of the idiot on the dunking tank.
Well, hi, everybody!
[GUNS COCKING]
Oh, my God, they've killed the boss!
There's no pulse!
Are you sure he had one before?
He's not breathing!
Do you know what this means?
What does it mean?
Three-day weekend, maybe more.
Somebody's going to have to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
[ALL GASPING]
Great.
CROWD: 
Whoo!
Stop that.
Well, I'll be.
Who would've guessed it?
I've been date raped by Dilbert.
No, no, you were drowning.
I saved you.
So you didn't slip me a mickey and have your way with me?
No.
Well, that's a first.
You're a hero now.
How does it feel?
Strangely good--
Except for the smell of chili dogs that I may never forget.
You saw it live--
One man, acting against his own interests to help his fellow man nothing to gain but the knowledge that he helped another human being in some small way.
What you have witnessed is nothing less than the complete rebirth of the spirit of giving.
[CHOKED UP] That's all... from here.
Yeah!
Way to go!
That was beautiful.
Okay, pack it up.
We got a cat stuck in drainpipe across town.
If I'm not mistaken you just performed an act of charity... without DRAINING YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.
Yeah... so...?
I believe I've made my point.
I just wanted to hear you admit it.
[LAUGHING]
That woman does not LIKE TO LOSE AN ARGUMENT.
[HUMMING]
Huh.
Hmm...
Shoo.
All right, I'm not the organic matter you think I am despite anything you hear from my employees.
I'm going to need another plaque!
[music]

For us, life unfolds on human scales
Miles
Feet
Inches
But beneath the surface of things is another round, a billions times smaller than we are.
A dimension that hold the secrets in understanding our world
What makes steal strong
Why ice cream is delicious
What makes life possible?
Secrets that help us create what we imagine
The human creativity of chemistry there is just nothing more beautiful than it
This is the realm of chemistry
And these are the greatest discoveries Ancient great philosophers believed that there were just four elements
Earth, air, fire and water
And the air was the underlying element.
A single substance responsible for the makeup of everything in the world
Centuries later, Leonardo Da Vinci was among the first to suggests that 22 00:02:14,590 -- 00:02:17,950 instead of being an element, air might consists of two different gases
It remained a mystery until our first great discovery. 
England, the later part of eighteenth century clergy man and sometimes scientist Joseph Priestley conducted a serious of experiments searching for new airs
What today we called gases
To find out more about what Priestley was up to, I paved a visit to Arnold Thackray.
President and historian in the Chemical Heritage Foundation in Philadelphia Pennsylvania
Priestley wrote and wrote and wrote on every subject that you have thought of.
He wrote about history. 
He wrote about religion. 
He wrote about politics
Science? 
He wrote about science endlessly.
And Priestley was among who knew everything. 
But along with everything else, Priestley did his famous experiment right ?
That's exactly correct.And there are two things that go into that experiment.
The one is mercury, this strange substance simultaneously a liquid and metal.
And that's just crazy, I mean, whoever heard a liquid metal.
And so it was really puzzling what is this thing and people were fascinated by it, and so they want to explore it
And cause another thing went into it, was the technology to deal with gases.
And here in Priestley's experiments and observations on different kinds of it
We have the technology of collecting gases over liquids
In tubes, you can see through. 
Exactly, so you can see the gas, you can see what's happening to the gas
And now, you really are in business
What Priestley dose is takes a burning glass to get around heat lens He heats it, changes it in to this metal mercury and a gas comes off
But Priestley doesn't really realize what it is that he has found
The answer was emerged in 1774, after Priestley paved a visit to Paris
And shared the story of his discovery with another scientist Antoine Lavoisier
Paris was a marvelous place for Priestley to visit because Antoine Lavoisier is in Paris talk of the town
Doing the work that will end up as his" elementary text on chemistry"
And Lavoisier who is also marking about with the gases
He has aware of what Priestley has done
He's fascinated by the report on the new air, decides to repeat the experiment
He has lots of apparatus, better apparatus. 
He is a meticulous lab experimenter
And among all the things, he weighs the things
Lavoisier by weighing says something being emitted.
He called the thing emitted, oxygen.
He rewrites the whole script of chemistry
And he creates a list of elements that we still use today
Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur
You can correctly say that Priestley discovered oxygen
But Lavoisier invented it.
So, with Priestley's experimental work on gases, with the discovery of oxygen,
And with Lavoisier I 's articulation of the system of language
We have the whole conceptual skim which 19th century's academic works is built 20th century's industrial innovation. 
We have pharmaceuticals, we have biotechnology, we have cell phones
We have plastics That's exactly right
And all these things begin with the discovery of oxygen.That's where it starts In the early 19th century, a British god teacher named John Dalton was hard at work, pursuing the fascination with chemistry
Which would lead to our next great discovery.
Dalton's experiments showed that the known elements such as the oxygen, hydrogen and carbon, combined in definite inconstant proportions
From his calculations, he hypothesized that the elements must be made up of smaller invisible pieces of matter.
With relatively distinct weights.
He called these pieces of matter atoms
So, what did Dalton discover?
Dalton's great discovery was what he called the relative weights of ultimate particles.
Ultimate particles. 
That's what he called it. 
It's a lovely phrase.
Later on, when he went public, it becomes atomic weights
And we know it as atomic weights, but it was ultimate particles
So, he used the word atoms.
He used the word atoms
And the idea of atoms calls goes, back to Democritus.
The problem is, is the idea, is it in use.
And Dalton was the man who made the idea useful. 
That was his great contribution
Form his work, Dalton developed what came to be known as his atomic theory
A revolutionary new system that defined the relationship between the atoms and the elements.
And this is enormously simple system and Dalton thinks very simply, very visually.
Here are the elements. 
Here are the weights of the elements.
Here are the complex molecules. 
And it's a wonderfully effective system
It connects the thing that chemists can do weighting and balancing with the thing that you can't see
The ultimate world of atoms. 
That's genius.
How important was Dalton's discovery?
His atoms theory helped generations of scientists further unravel the mysteries of the atomic and molecular world.
Including our next great discovery. 
In the early 18the hundreds, French chemist Joseph Gay-Lussac
Was conducting a series of experiments, designing to study the Dalton's atomic theory, when he observed something odd
When he combined equal volumes of different gases and measured their reactions
The gases often produces twice the volumes than he expected.
How was this possible
The answer was provided in 1811 by Amedeo Avogadro, a physics professor at the University of Turin in Italy.
While he studying the results of Gay-Lussac's research, Avogadro had an insight
At the time, it was believed that the gases remained of single atoms. 
Avogadro realized that this assumption was wrong
The gases were remained of multiple atoms. 
What came to be known as molecules.
The realization that the atoms could be rearrange to form molecules was the breakthrough that enable scientists to move out the chemistry dark ages.
And began systematically creating new compounds. 
Our next great discovery occurred in the 19th century.
When many chemists believed that organic substances from organisms or living things
Were somehow different from inorganic substance, from nonliving things.
But that was about to change.
In 1828, Frederick Waller was working in his lab, when something caught his eye.
Waller had placed two inorganic chemical in a beaker, potassium cyanate and ammonia sulfate
Now, when you looked at the beaker, it contained a gram of small, white, niddle shaped crystals what made this remarkable was that Waller thought he had seen exactly the same crystals once before
But there were important difference. 
Those crystals had been organic.
He had crystallized them or studied the chemistry of various substances found in urea.
To make sure he wasn't mistaken, Waller analyzed the new crystals.
There was no mistake. 
These crystals were the same as those he had isolated before
He had made urea, which was something that come out of living thing he had made out of inorganic substance.
Later he said in a personal letter in a paper he wrote about that
I had made urea without kidney.
And he knew what he had done
Meet Roald Hoffmann, winner of the 1981 Nobel Prize in chemistry
For developing a theory to explain organic chemical reactions
So why is this discovery of artificially making urea, why is that a great discovery.
You know, in a constant of time when you need a discovery that sometimes a single one to cross a border, to break down the wall
This is what this discovery was.
It's not that it was so important of itself.
But at the time that came the simple making of urea out of two inorganic chemicals
When it came, it caught people's attention.
The whole story of the discovery is about the underlying basis that building blocks of all matter organic and inorganic.
Being the same, atoms. 
If these LEGO Bricks had existed in the early part of 19th century, chemists could use them to help illustrated something they were seeing in their experiments
A phenomena that led to our next great discovery.
The atoms of particular elements such as Sodium and chlorine seem to combine with each other according to fix ratios.
It was this combining power atoms that inspired German chemist August Kekule
To develop a system for visualizing the chemical structure of various molecules. 
Like links and chains. 
It was a simple yet elegant formula.
Chemists now had devised for clearly illustrating the chemical structures of the molecules they were studying.
There was just one problem; benzene was the only chemical that was not fit Kekule's formula
Benzene 's chain of carbon and hydrogen atoms required more combing power than the formula would allow.
And all these organic chemistry professors were puzzling about it, offering different explanations.
And one of them, August Kekulei sitting by the fire one of the evening, falls to sleep
And starts to dream about a snake.
And if you think about the snake what kekule dreams off is a snake catches its own tail
And if you think about this,May be, the thing is a ring. 
And that gives you an answer to the puzzle.
The 6 carbon atoms of the Benzene molecules linked in a chain. 
Like the snake it formed a ring.
Each of the hydrogen atom attached with alternating single and double bond
Within a short time, kekule's insight was confirmed. 
And its effect was revolutionary.
Chemists knew that all organic substances contained one or more carbon atoms in their molecules with kekule's discovery, they now had the underlying formula to how carbon combined with other molecules
To form a world of chemical compounds. 
The modern era of organic chemistry was born
Now ,with this thing being simple. like it say the snake bite to its tail
Why is this considered a great discovery
Here is a recipe for new drugs, new medicine, new understanding
To go back at time in Dalton's day, couple of hundreds compounds, soon as couple of thousands, soon as ten thousands, it 's astonishing, soon as hundreds thousands Last year, fifteen million new compounds were registered.
All built on this simple template. 
This is the work of genius. 
In 1869, a Russian chemistry professor named Dmitry Mendeleyev was writing a text book for his students
When he began to wonder how he could be best explain them the 63 elements that were known at the time
Help formulating thoughts, he constructed a card for each element
On each card, he wrote the name of the element, its atomic way, its typical properties and its similarities to other elements
He then laid the card like a game of solitary
And began to arrange them over and over, searching for patterns
Then came the moment of discovery.
Before him is something extraordinary
The elements fell into 7 vertical groupings
Each periodical grouping had members that resemble one and other, both chemically and physically.
Mendelevium had discovered the periodical table of the elements a map showing how all the elements related to one and another.
A map so precise that Mendelevium believed he could also use it to predict the existence and properties of three elements known yet to discovered.
One would like be boron on he said. 
One like aluminum and one like silicon.
Eventually, the elements were discovered.
And Mendelevium was proved right.
It was actually a little bit of controversy because German chemist named . 
Lothar Meyer had come up with roughly the same idea.
But Meyer didn't quiet have as much courage, so that's actually interesting thing
Here this German come up with the same idea of periodicity of which there were hints already before
But he doesn't like the predictions like Mendeleev does.
So, here we see the power of our risky prediction
In having people accept a theory. 
There is nothing more powerful than making a prediction that is not obvious
And have it come true.
Yes have it come true.
The periodical table is our icon. 
I mean that's what we associate with chemistry
You going to any chemistry room you'll see it
Why is the periodical table of elements significant?
It forever changed the way that everyone would learn and understand the elements.
The periodical table of elements is to chemistry as notes of music are to Beethoven's sonata.
And in honor of Mendeleev, his name is now literally attached to the periodical table
The element 101 was named after him. 
It's called mendelevium
It's not only the chemists who like the periodical table. 
I hear you carry one around.
I do carry one. 
Yes sure.
Show me.
You 'll never know And I seem to use it a lot.
Let's see.
This is small So I am going to give you a test. 
What's under nitrogen in periodical table
Nitrogen is seven.
Yes.
I have to think of a second. 
It's sulfur
No, you are wrong so I carry it often.
So, it's phosphorus.
Oh. 
Phosphorus. 
Phosphorus is 15.
Yeah. 
You have to add 8 that point.
Yes, that's why I carry it. 
I can't remember.
So it's seven plus eight, fifteen phosphorus.
it's ok. 
There is a pattern there. 
I get it now. 
At the turn of the nineteenth century, electricity was all the rage
People were busy making batteries and connecting them just about anything to see the reactions.
Electricity was like a new kind of fire.
One of the great battery junkies of the day was Humphrey David, a self-taught English chemist
In 1807, David was performing a battery experiment in his lab.
He melted some potash aluminum found in the ground that also forms in the ash's wood.
Chemists had speculated that potash was a compound of several elements, but are not able to prove it.
David wanted to see if electricity might provide the answer He reared some wire from one of his biggest batteries to the molten potash
Pure potass began to emerge
David had discovered the power of electricity to react to chemicals and transform them.
Eventually, electrical chemistry led to the rise of aluminum industry
The production of semiconductors.
Solar panels.
LED displaces.
Even rechargeable Li-ion Batteries In the eighteen fifties, Robert Bunsen and his research collaborator Gustav Kirchhoff conducted a serious of experiments.
To determined why substances emitted specific colors When placed in a flame
The color they determined indicates what elements are present in the substance. 
Copper, sheaves of green
Strontium, sheaves of red
Oh it's a good one.
While watching the experiments, Kirchhoff was reminded that how a prism spreads light into a rainbow of colors
So, using a prism and a piece of small telescope.
Bunsen and Kirchhoff built the first spectroscope.
And analyticale device they hope would help them to see the spectra coming from heated substances.
And it worked.
As an element was put into a flame of a Bunsen burn, the light from the heated substances passed through the prism of the spectroscope.
Where they spread into a ribbon-like spectrum of colors, riddled with dark lights.
The combinations of bright colors and dark lines were like bar codes
Indicating what atoms were present.
When burned, each element produced a completely unique spectrum.
Using their spectroscope, Bunsen and Kirchhoff were able to discover two new elements
Cesium and rubidium.
One day, Bunsen and Kirchhoff decided to test their invention with the sunlight
It produced the spectrum that featured two lines that were identical to those in the spectrum produced by sodium
Bunsen and Kirchhoff had discovered the presence of sodium in the sun ninety three million miles away
Suddenly, scientists had the tool to help them study the chemistry of the heavens.
Lifted off. 
We have lifted off.
Today, the legacy of this great discovery lives on the exploration of the space.
A formal spectrum has been used to study the atmosphere of the planets, to search for signs of water, signs of life. 
Our next great discovery is the story of Joseph Thomson and the electron.
So, everything that we can see is made of chemicals That's right.
What's the future?
They are all bounded as electronic actions.
To find out about it, I paved a visit to Harvard University.
Dudley Herschbach is a professor here and the winner of the 1986's Nobel Prize in chemistry.
For his research in the dynamic chemical elementary processes.
So, Thomson didn't discover the electrons.
Well, it's said that way, but he didn't discovering it said" here it got, I've got this things. 
Here it is."
He did experiment it a lot and did measure the ratio of the charge, the electric charge , the mass. 
And later he got a rough measurement of the charge, and therefore showed the mass was very very small.
It was about one to thousand to the mass that light is known as atoms, hydrogen atom.
So, it showed that he could expect a very small piece of an atom All, I was command a shock, Punch attended. 
Yes.
The electrical piece from atoms was a very small part of the atom.
At the time of his discovery, Thomson was the professor of England University of Cambridge.
He was using a device called the Crookes tube in his experiment.
I happened to have here a little apparatus that's akin to the one that J.J Thomson used in 1897
It's called a Cathode Ray Tube
Just evacuated its little glass cylinder, with some electros
And we can hook this up.
So, the key points of this experiment is very simply.
The replica of the first CRT.
Yeah. 
It's the first cathode ray tubes is the accentor of the television tubes as a matter of fact.
You do the last one, and we should get the stream the cathode rays or electrons.
Going there and showing of banning in this phosphor cold piece of cupboard there.
Here I give you a magnetic field and you use to deflect the electrons.
When Thomson exposed the cathode ray to a magnet
The stream would bend, since magnets could only affected matter.
This one of stream of rays were composed of kind of electrically charged substance, called radiated matter.
After many hours of observing and measuring, Thomson realized he'd found the first sub-atomic particles.
The ray was a stream of electrons. 
It was a revolutionary discovery.
Some years later, student of Thomson Ernest Rutherford was able to show that the positive charge of the atoms
Which is there to balance the negative charge of the electrons which was scooting around, was localized in a tiny tiny nucleus.
Hundred thousand of times smaller than the size atoms.
So, almost all the mass was of course in that nucleus as well
Well, because electrons are so light,
And that's still the model we have today.
That's the basic model for atoms and is the key on understanding the everything involving this
Like chemistry.
Yes like chemistry particular. 
That's right. 
Scientists were just beginning to discover the anatomy of the atom
Now, they wonder to understand its behavior
Specifically the mechanism that enabled the atoms of certain elements to combine with the atoms of the other elements to form new substance.
In the early nineteenth hundreds, American chemist Gilbert Lewis developed a model of the atoms that provided an answer
That's he who explained the electrons in atoms,
The chemistry about electrons, not about nucleus
That the electrons in atoms went in shells around the nucleus
In Lewis's model of the atoms, each shell allowed only maxima number of electrons
Lewis theorized that two chemical elements might combine to form a compound,
When they give up or accept electrons from their outer shells.
For example, on their own, sodium and chlorine are hazardous
But when a single sodium atom gives up the electron from its outer shell and the single chlorine outer shell accepts it
This exchange allows the two to combine
And form the compound sodium chloride, table salt
Gilbert Lewis's theory was an extraordinary breakthrough.
It enables scientists to begin making chemical compounds
Millions of them, compounds that shift the face of modern life Our next great discovery stared in the 1890
With the discovery of unknown radiation called x-rays
It caused sensation and scientists immediately began looking for other substances that made it strange, perhaps valuable forms of radiation.
Over the next several decades, a number of scientists investigated the phenomena
And together ended up shedding the light on one of the greatest scientific snooping episodes of modern science.
French physicist Henri Becquerel made the first significant breakthrough.
In 1896, he conducted a series of experiments to see a various of minerals emitted radiation
One of the mineral he happened to tests was uranium Which sprinkled uranium onto another piece of black paper, then enclosed the object between the uranium and the photographic plate.
Later Becquerel were developed the plate and without fail a ghostly photographic outline of the object would appear.
From these experiments Becquerel was able to prove conclusively.
That he had found a source for the mysterious radioactive rays that everyone was looking for.
That source was uranium.
From Becquerel, the investigation of radio activity was taken up by Marie Curie.
Curie and her husband Pierre undertook the job of isolating whatever elements were responsible for the radio activity in uranium ore
For two years, the curies boiled, sifted, filtered and processed several tons of uranium ore.
Finally, they succeeded in isolating two new elements containing the uranium which they called polonium and radium.
Marie curie concluded that radium was a million times more radioactive than uranium.
More importantly, she determined that the mysterious form of energy which enabled radioactivity to penetrate other materials
Was not a result of chemical process, but seemed to be atomic in nature
Unfortunately, her discovery came at a great cost.
The danger of being exposed to radioactivity was still unknown at the time.
In 1934, Marie curie died of leucocythemia
Believed to be caused by radiation poisoning
Even the notebook that she use to record observations, are still considered too radioactive to handle. 
Rutherford found that radioactive material go through a natural process of decay. with the power to penetrate matter
Rutherford called them alpha and beta particles and gamma rays
Since those discoveries, we've learned a lot about radioactivity, the dangers as well as the benefits.
Radioactivity has given us medical imaging
A treatment for tumors
A method for calculating the age of the earth
And the power source for our space craft to explore the solar system
Even some smoke detectors contain a small amount of radioactive material called americium
Which helps create steady electrical current.
A smoke particles disrupt that current and the triggers alarm
Centuries ago, alchemist set their sights high.
They thought infinite welfare and immortality through miraculous transformation of matter.
They came up with useful tools and glassware, chemists on the other hands, set their sights a bit lower.
And ended up changing the look and feel of the material world
As did our next great discovery. 
In the eighteen sixties, John Hyatt ,a printer and amateur chemist in orbital in New York
Made news when he discovered a way to explore the long stringing molecules of cellulose found naturally in plants and created the first plastic
Fifty years later, Belgian born chemist Leo Baekeland took the next step in the discovery process
One of the greatest pioneer was Leo Baekeland, who made a polymer called Bakelite. 
He was make the same things. 
But he knew how to explore them.He saw the interesting properties of this.
From two chemicals derived from coal, Baeckland discovered the wourld's first fully-sympathetic plastic
And the landscape of the twenties century's was forever changed
What exactly is a plastic.
Plastics are polymers. 
So what are polymers.
Polymers are long chain molecules, not individual molecules that plumed up into any solitary or some sort
They are really molecules that can stand out very far. 
Chains of carbon atoms sometimes with some other elements
So, what are the advantages. 
Well, it's mutable.
You can pour it in some liquid form into some modes, and we've certainly seen that in terms of fibers they can mimic or even surpass the properties of natural fibers
No fisherman in the world is going to go back to having nets out of cotton. 
You can bet. those nets are goanna be of nylon
So, would you say the discovery of plastics is a great discovery.
We have science making polymers, making nylon, making rayon which has natural starting point
But is modified into a polymer, making Plexiglas or polyethylene. 
Those are the structure of our material of civilization
I think polymers are, in that sense, a example of human creativity of chemistry.
That's there is nothing more beautiful than them The single gram of black powder costs five hundred dollar.
About 30 times of the price of gold
Remarkably, it is a special kind of soot.
Made of molecules called carbon nanotubes
Each nanotubes is about one billion of a meter in diameter
Thinner than a strand of DNA.
Yet full of the world's promise that lots of people excited.
Including the scientists who helped discover them.
Richard Smalley is a professor of chemistry of Rice University in Huston Taxas.
In 1985, he and fellow chemists Robert Cole and Harold Crotone were studying chemical conditions in outer space.
Using sophisticated laser and spectroscopic equipment.
They were searching for evidence that might help reveal chemical nature of interstellar matter
Instead, they found something else.
For which they shared the 1996's Nobel Prize for chemistry.
What exactly did you discover?
Well, in 1985, over a period of week, we discovered that there was one special cluster of carbon atoms
That had precisely 60 atoms.
That was magic, it was specially stable compared with any other cluster.
And we wondered why.
Smalley, Crotone and Cole named the new molecules Buckyballs
After Buckminster Fuller, the architect designed the geodesic dome
What they really discovered was a whole new cluster of large all-carbon molecules.
Which came to be called fullerenes
Molecules are not just when some atoms start together by good bonds
There's another proper molecules and that's when you put the last atom, it's kind of clicks. 
It's done.
It's stable.
And if you offer another atom, it says no, I am happy the way I am.
And that's what C60 was.
We were offering other carbon atom in the apparatus we built, and it said, no I am gonna stay with the 60.
So, here's the molecule, and this was a molecule my mind are same to explain the results, which has the most symmetry of any molecules ever discovered
The big thing is about an nanometer in diameter, a ten extra emmi , an nanometer a billion to a meter.
In 1991, the significance of fullerenes gave even more momentum when Sumio Iijima, a scientist at NEC cooperation, discovered yet another category of cage like wonders
But these fullerenes were slightly different.
They were made of hollow molecules of pure carbon that form a seamless hollow tube called carbon nanotubes
Or in honor of Smalley's discovery, buckytubes.
There's buckyballs right? 
Yes.
And then there is buckytubes.
Yes, I've got, this is get off a big now, a tube of the diameter of ball is this big
This is, this is a fullerene same sort of structure. 
And here's the pentagon. 
Here's the hexagon.
There are six pentagon here, six pentagon here, twelve total and between all this hexagon
So, this thing is sort of bucky capsule
But you can imagine the thing very long and in fact the things are made millions of times longer than their diameter now.
And these objects have incredible properties
Like what?
But if you hold buckytube in your hand, you had the poly. 
You could find the stiffest object in the universe.
Stiffer than steel.
Stiffer than steel.
Stiffer than diamond.
-?
Stiffer than diamond
But you are a big guy compel it ;
you'll find you could strike out quite big before breaks
And we expect we'll find that it's a hundred time stronger than steel in tension.
The strongest fiber which you could ever make up anything ever.
I was mean like a million years later, when you ask me now the strongest thing? 
same thing.
Something has to be the strongest of all the possible objects. 
This is it.
It's just carbons Think we can do with this. 
So we can rewire the world
We can make electrical cables that conducted electricity better than copper and one six its weight. 
It does. 
How about the chance that you can discover something like this.
But, that's one of the fascinating things about those current statues of our understanding chemistry and physics. 
The big mystery was buckyballs and its tubes is not that they were be great if you could make them
It was finding out you could actually make them
Carbon nanotubes is one of the reason that the word Nano Technology become so well-known.
Some are describing they are modern day's industrial revolution.
Nano Technology refers to building things from scratch, like this nano-motor
It's the ability to assemble the atomic and molecular building blocks of nature
To create a new generation of product applications that's stronger and more precise.
Is this the next round of chemistry? 
Is this the next thing in chemistry?
I am glad to see you use the word chemistry about this because that's really what this is.
We have to have atoms self-assemble.
And they have confronted some source of cheap atoms. 
So, we can make this efficiently.
We have name for that. we called it chemistry. of course these days, we called it Nano Technology
The same thing. 
We are after to make a structure of particular exact form
And do it hundreds of trillions of time a second, low cost with no environmental impact
To give us an object that would allow us to do something had logically we could do another ones do.
Making objects with, if were really good, the ultimate level of finesse with nature always built the molecules of living cells.We now do this everywhere.
So it keeps you coming to work.
Yes, there is certain romance about it.
It takes only two centuries to go from a time when atoms were mere hypothesize to the break would be able to snap atoms and molecules together and build new technology with fantastic possibilities.
The great discoveries that we just seen helped make it happen.
Exploring the beneath of the surface thing, inside the realm of chemistry, and changing the world

♪ [Man Singing, Indistinct]
[Knocking]
Afternoon, ma'am, and a fine afternoon it is. 
Yes, sirree. 
Uh...
[Clears Throat] Is the man of the house about?
- [Woman] What do you want from us?
- Only your patience, ma'am.
Only the virtue of your forbearance.
Fine-lookin' children, ma'am. 
Yes, sirree.
Deservin' of all your hopes and dreams on the new frontier... far away from this Harsh Realm.
Transportation's included, ma'am.
- ♪ [Singing Resumes, Faint] 
- You just leave us alone.
Maybe this is something I should take up with the husband.
Dad! 
Dad!
♪ [Singing Continues]
[Boy] Dad! 
Dad!
Dad!
Dad! 
Dad!
No! 
No! 
Go back! 
No!
Ripped By mstoll
Not another step!
Right there!
- So what's the bounty on my head?
- Huh?
- [Electronic Interference] 
- How much? 
How much you gettin' for me?
I'm lookin' for a soldier you served with.
Friend of yours.
You can go to hell.
[Weapon Zaps]
We'll talk later.
♪ [Fades]
[Hobbes] A world exists exactly like ours.
You live in this world... your family and friends... and though you may not know it...
I was sent to save you.
[Voices Overlapping]
It's just a game.
[Hobbes Narrating] They call it the New Frontier... but it's nothing less than a battleground... a place where free men live on the edge of a razor in this place called Harsh Realm.
Like me, these people are on the run... and though I know none of it is real, that it is only a virtual world I'm in... there's fear in the air here.
I can taste it, feel it in my lungs, as pure as anything I've ever felt.
I'm living day to day...
- trying to make sense of all this, trying to stay strong...
- [Low Chattering]
Trying my best just to stay alive.
I'm in the company of a soldier, a man sent here on a mission like mine... who saved my life, for which I am now in his debt... as I am to a woman who doesn't speak... but who healed me with a miracle when I might have died.
[Dog Barking]
Keep a real close eye on him.
You're not careful, somebody's gonna eat that dog.
[Dog Whines]
[Hobbes] We're on the run from Omar Santiago, a renegade soldier... who hijacked the computer program that runs this world.
It was Santiago the military sent me here to kill.
Their fear of him is real and great, though I have yet to understand why... if all this is just imaginary.
[Pinocchio] I'd like to buy some gas.
You guys know anybody selling gas?
[Hobbes] They say this is a recreation of the real world... down to every man, woman and child, each of us with a double here... who can live or die in the virtual reality of Harsh Realm.
[Crying]
But only those of us plugged into the program know this... have any consciousness of the truth... that it's only a game.
I pray that's all it is, Sophie.
I watched you die here, never to exist again in Harsh Realm.
I'm doing everything in my power to find my way out... to find my way home.
You said you'd have an answer.
I need answers from somebody.
- I'm afraid that I don't have any, ma'am.
- Corporal?
It's okay.
Miss Green? 
Please.
- Won't you please have a seat, Miss Green?
- Sir, if you'll pardon me...
I've been trying for a week to get somebody to tell me what's happened to my fiancé.
- I understand.
- No, I don't think you do.
You got no answers because we had none yet to give.
- Tom Hobbes's whereabouts were classified.
- He left with two of your men... was told to pack a bag on the orders of his C.O.
I'm not a troublemaker.
What I'm trying to say, Miss Green, is that I have an answer.
It came across my desk this morning.
"On April 1, Lieutenant Hobbes was given a mission involving a sensitive military objective.
In the prosecution of his orders, it has been learned that Lieutenant Hobbes..."
- No.
- "Lieutenant Hobbes was killed in action."
- [Gasping] 
- Further information is classified.
We'll be transporting the body home immediately.
We would like to offer our condolences.
Hey. 
I hear you're lookin' for gas.
Yeah.
But if you're lookin' for protection, I ain't no one's daddy.
I got my protection.
You wanna buy gas or you don't?
- How are you payin'?
- Ammo. 
Six rounds.
I'll pay at the pump.
- What the hell is this?
- [Rifle Cocks]
[Automatic Gunfire]
You.
As long as you're here, would you check the oil and tires?
[Weapon Zaps]
Yes, sir, Mr. Pinocchio.
- No! 
Please! 
Don't touch the children!
- [Girl Crying]
[Boy] Mom.
[Woman Gasping, Crying]
[Screams] Don't take my babies! 
No!
[Waters] General Santiago?
- What does the woman say, Major?
- She says she doesn't know Mike Pinocchio, sir.
She says her husband was taken from here by a bounty hunter. 
I think she's telling the truth.
Well, then.
We should show some mercy.
[Gilovich] To give your life in defense of a principle... is to sanctify life, to consecrate the soul... to honor those lives which gave life.
As he protected and defended the many...
Thomas enriched the lives of everyone he knew or who knew him...
- none more than Sophie, his beloved bride to be.
- ♪ ["Taps"]
Sophie has asked me to read this today to honor Thomas and their love, which carries on.
[Soldier] Aim! 
Fire!
- "You live in me for as long as I live.
- Aim! 
Fire!
"You are the light which does not die.
Through me you speak.
Our love is everlasting. '"
Please accept our country's flag as a token... of appreciation for Thomas's faithful service to his country.
May God be with you and your family in your time of grief.
[Woman] I'm sorry to bother you here.
I know that this is a difficult time for you.
I met Tom briefly just before he disappeared.
- Who are you?
- I can't tell you too much...
just that you've been misled.
- About what?
- About Tom's death.
[Gasping]
- Why are you doing this?
- I'm taking a chance by telling you now... but I couldn't come any sooner.
You have to find out the facts on your own.
You're telling me...
Tom's not dead?
I'm only telling you that you've accepted a lie as the truth.
What is this? 
I don't know anyone named Mike Pinocchio.
Somebody does.
What the hell happened here?
Over here.
[Woman Vocalizing Dolefully]
- Get in there!
- [Grunts, Groans]
[Grunts] Okay, Hercules. 
I get the drill.
[Groaning]
Hey, hey, hey.
That thing hurts. 
Hey!
Huh?
What'd he say?
G.I. Said he's gonna pay for that.
Come on.
[Grunts]
- [Latch Falls] - [Man] Pinocchio, is that you?
- Who's that?
- Cabot.
John Cabot.
Johnny?
- What happened to you?
- Same as you.
Bounty hunter's gonna turn us over to Santiago.
He's been lookin' for ya.
They beat me, Mike. 
L...
I wouldn't talk, but when they threatened my family...
They got lucky is all.
I'm gonna get us out of here.
[Groans]
One man.
They got nothing.
[Dog Whimpers]
I wanna go in as bad as you.
We don't know for sure if he's in there.
We'll go in at nightfall.
[Grumbles]
[Whines]
♪ [Man Singing]
[Electronic Interference]
- ♪ [Fades] - [Dog Whimpers]
How the hell did you get in here?
You're gonna blow it, ya stupid mutt.
- [Dog Whines] 
- Get out of here. 
Get! 
Get out of here.
[Dog Barks, Whimpers]
Looks like we got rats.
[Dog Whimpering]
Dexter.
[Whimpering Continues]
- [Gun Cocks] - [Imitates Whimpering]
Thank you very much.
We're outta here, Johnny.
The rest of your party's arrived.
- What the hell were you doin'?
- I was tryin' to get you out.
- Who asked you to do that?
- I owed you.
You are one stupid...
- [Man] Who taught you to tie a knot?
- You did.
- Huh? 
What?
- [Electronic Interference]
- What's he want with you?
- Nothin' but the price on my head.
- From who?
- Who do you think?
Santiago? 
How long are you gonna run from this man?
You call me stupid. 
At least I'm prepared to finish my mission.
- At least I'm willing to fight.
- [Electronic Interference]
And what mission is that?
What's your name, boy?
[All Yelling, Indistinct]
You're lookin' for Mike Pinocchio.
A bounty to the man who brings General Santiago his head.
And for the head of Tom Hobbes?
[Kids Yelling, Dog Barking]
Hi. 
Can I help you?
I hope so.
My name is Sophie Green.
My fiancé, Tom Hobbes, was an officer at Fort Dix.
What happened to him?
He was killed in action.
That's what I was told.
I'm sorry.
But why come to me?
I was given these dog tags. 
They belonged to a soldier named Mike Pinocchio.
I've been trying to find out any information on him, but the military won't help me.
And he has no immediate family.
Your husband served with him.
My husband was killed in action.
That's what I was told.
[Woman] That's John with Mike Pinocchio in Kuwait during the Gulf War.
Those men have all disappeared.
- All of them?
- Killed in action... on classified assignments involving sensitive military objectives.
I pounded on doors until I was blue in the face.
I wrote my senator, the V.A., the Pentagon.
I got no clear answers...
nothing.
But this is... 
It's beyond coincidence.
It's beyond belief.
That's what I kept telling them.
Doesn't do any good.
Somebody knows about this.
Somebody gave me these dog tags... because they want me to find out.
I hope you're right.
After all this time...
I tell myself and my family maybe it's best...
- just believing' they might all be dead.
- [Door Opens]
Mom?
I hope I never have to tell my family the same thing.
[Hobbes Narrating] These were fighting men...
U.S. Soldiers trained to be the best.
But they are broken now, living a fugitive existence.
Who knows of this? 
Do their loved ones have any idea of this world?
Do you, my dearest Sophie?
- Shut up, Hobbes.
- I didn't say anything.
- Yeah, well, I feel you thinkin'.
- [Door Unlatches]
- Your dog won't eat.
- Put a leash on me, honey.
I'll eat anything you want.
- Shut up.
- [Pinocchio] What?
I offend your sense of honor?
- You don't have to talk to her like that.
- She's a thug's whore.
She'll sell your dog for hamburger if she can ever fatten it up.
[Whining]
- I would never hurt an animal.
- She's got no problem puttin' our heads on the chopper.
- Come here, little dog.
- [Whines]
Please. 
Please, we could use some water.
- Big Daddy told me not to.
- These men are hurt.
[Pinocchio] You're wasting your time, Hobbes.
- She'll bring us some water.
- For what? 
A kind word?
This is Harsh Realm. 
Kindness is when your buddy robs you, shoots you, doesn't rape your woman.
- [Dexter Whimpering] 
- Hey.
- Let us go.
- If I let you go, who would pay us?
There's a nice logic there, Hobbes.
What do you think'll happen if you turn us over to Santiago?
What'll happen to me if I let you go?
I'd eat that dog before it gets too skinny.
- What is wrong with you?
- It doesn't matter, Hobbes.
Can you get that through your head?
She's V. C...
a virtual character.
These people got no reason to help you, no moral compunction.
They programmed the game.
They forgot one thing.
You die here, you disappear.
These people know no Christian virtues.
They don't know God.
Judgment Day in Harsh Realm is when somebody points a gun at ya.
You ask Johnny.
He'll tell ya.
Get erased here, it's over.
These people got no notion of an afterlife. 
It's not even a concept.
What about the real world?
Don't they believe in that?
[Pinocchio] What good would it do 'em?
The only world they know is Santiago's.
[Santiago] And when we take these urban centers, our policy is this:
Repatriate only the healthy and the strong.
Prisoners of war drain our resources and are therefore subject to extermination.
General Santiago, this is the man that wanted to see you.
This man is a bounty hunter.
Pay him the going rate and be done.
- I've got men you're lookin' for.
- [Waters] At ease, Sergeant.
Mike Pinocchio and two others.
I should have you thrown out if only for the reeking stench.
Tom Hobbes, an assassin.
Obviously an ineffectual one.
I give you Pinocchio as a gift.
For Hobbes, I ask a price.
Then I should let these men go?
You only ply your dirty trade because I pay you.
You only survive in Harsh Realm because I let you.
- I want out of Harsh Realm.
- There is no way out.
Don't give me that V.C. Rap.
My body's on a freakin' slab... up there in the real world.
You got a way out.
I know it. 
A portal.
If I do, sir, then you might make every effort to win my favor... to repair this patronage.
For I'd then have the power to destroy you in not only one world... but in two.
Bring me this Hobbes, I'll consider your request.
You know why he runs?
He wants to get out?
Back home, back to the real world?
Last place he's goin'.
What are you talkin' about?
Pinocchio. 
What he knows... about Santiago.
His final solution.
Better stay alive in Harsh Realm, Lieutenant.
- This very well might be all that's left.
- [Door Unlatches]
- I knew you'd come.
- You're strange.
- Why?
- The way you talk to me.
The way you treat me so nice and polite.
- It's 'cause you want something.
- All I want is to go home.
I was about to be married.
- What's her name?
- Sophie.
- I've got her picture.
- Does she live in the real world?
Yeah. 
You know about that?
I heard you talking.
I wanna hear more.
- What's it like there?
- It's nothing like this.
Are there flowers there?
You don't have to live like this.
[Man] Hey, Maytag, where are you?
Help us.
May, come get this damn mutt!
[Door Latches]
[Clanking]
[Door Opens]
[Gunshot]
- Where do you think you're going?
- We're leaving.
- I'd like my dog.
- [Pinocchio] Hobbes.
- It's my dog now.
Drop the gun.
Go on. 
Shoot me.
Hobbes.
Shoot all of us.
What'd we be worth to you then?
[Dexter Whimpers]
You're in charge now.
I don't see anybody telling you what to do.
You've got the power now.
The power to do the right thing.
Let us walk out of here.
You can walk out of here too.
[Vehicles Approaching]
Traffic. 
Fast moving.
- Look, I just wanna go home.
- [Vehicles Nearing]
I just wanna see my girl.
[Men Shouting]
[Offcer] First squad, go around.
Second squad, take the back of the building!
[Indistinct Shouting]
Let go of my ear! 
Let go!
Where is he?
- Where's Hobbes?
- [Blow Lands]
[Yelps, Groans] I don't know.
I don't know where they are.
- Get down here! 
Come here!
- [Dexter Whimpering]
- I want some answers here.
- I don't know anything.
- What? 
Huh?
- I don't know!
You and Santiago had a deal.
- They're here.
- Fan out. 
Find 'em.
Get in the vehicles. 
Check the roads.
- You men, on the trail.
- [Jeep Engine Starts]
- [Vehicle Departs] - [Offcer] Go, go, go!
- Come on! 
Let's go!
- [Waters] Move it! 
They couldn't have gone far.
[Fuel Trickling]
[Clanking]
[Loud Whisper] Hey! 
Quiet! 
What are you doing?
We're standing in six inches of boom-boom, in case you haven't noticed.
- She put us in here to protect us.
- This is protecting us?
If brains were alligators, you couldn't get one to bite you on the ass.
What are you talking about?
I convinced her to let us go.
Letting us go, huh? 
[Grunts] The place she's letting us go is for a ride on this fireball.
- [Distant Shouting] 
- It don't make no sense...
- Shut up!
- [Shouting Continues]
If you didn't see nothin', how come this gun's been shot?
If you was makin' deals, how come you didn't bother to tell me?
I asked you a question.
Yeah. 
Maybe you were plannin' on leavin' and never comin' back.
- Goin' to the real world.
- [Sighs]
Where'd you hear that?
You don't know nothin' 'bout that.
You were just gonna leave me here.
You... can't... go.
It won't work!
Oh, what do you know, you stupid V. C?
Some guys think about goin' home just to see their girl.
Who has been talking to her?
You have till 0600 to turn up your prisoners.
I would hate to disappoint General Santiago.
[Shouting Continues]
[Sighs]
[Fuel Trickling]
[Metal Groaning]
You better hurry.
He'll be back soon.
[Dexter Whines Softly]
[Dexter Continues Whining]
- You can't stay here.
- He'll just hunt me down.
Come on.
Get in the cab.
Come on.
- [Gunshot] - [Grunts]
[Rapid Gunfire]
[Truck Engine Whining]
[Officer] Come on! 
Move out!
[Engine Revving]
- [Men Shouting, Indistinct] - [Gunfire]
[Shouting Continues]
Go! 
Go!
Cut 'em off!
.
[Men Shouting, Distant]
Ma'am, can I help you?
Ma'am, I can't just let you in there.
I don't care.
Lieutenant Colonel...
I'm sorry, General.
I didn't hear what you just said.
Then that's what I'll do, sir.
- I am owed an explanation.
- Miss Green, you are out offline.
- Because I am being lied to.
- What on God's Earth is this all about?
My fiancé, Tom Hobbes.
[Sighs] We buried his body.
All you buried was a box.
- We'll have to transport it.
- No. 
I don't want it taken anywhere.
Seen enough, Miss Green?
[Gasping]
- You did this all wrong. 
You should've asked me.
- I don't need your permission.
It's not him.
That is not your fiancé's body.
I got an inquest. 
You think I'm not gonna make them run D.N. A?
Who do you think's gonna run those tests?
This is insanity... 
No one...
How far will these people go?
One step farther than you.
I can get word to him.
I can deliver a message to Tom.
[Sophie's Voice] Dear Tom, I'm writing not quite believing you'll ever read this... but if there's a way, I hope to God this news will somehow bring you back to me.
I love you, Tom, and if there's a doubt in your heart... know that our love is greater now than the both of us.
I'm pregnant, Tom.
I'm pregnant with our child.
Please come home.
Find a way.
[Dexter Barks]
[Girl] Daddy's home! 
Daddy's here!
Daddy! 
Daddy!
Oh! 
[Crying]
A man runs or turns and fights.
What are you running from?
Why are you afraid of Santiago?
I thought you wanted to go home.
I'm not letting Santiago stop me.
Either way, there's only one sure thing:
We're gonna need gas.
[Voices Overlapping]
[Child] I made this!
Ripped By mstoll

Thank you.
That's perfect, Zaren. 
Just like that.
That's OK. 
It's just my friends returning.
Hello, children.
Daniel? 
No child-labour laws here on Orban?
No, these are Urrone.
They're like apprentices to the adults.
They're... everywhere.
It's just the way they do things.
Look at this.
Chalchiutlicue.
The Aztec goddess of water.
They don't even know what they've got here. 
Who knows what we'll uncover!
- That is, if General Hammond said yes.
- He said yes.
Colonel O'Neill. 
You are most punctual.
Merrin and I are eager to participate in this exchange between our worlds.
Major Carter is eager as well.
She's really looking forward to it.
So's Teal'c.
I will share my knowledge of the Goa'uld freely.
Teal'c's eager on the inside.
Then, if you are ready to leave...
Kalan, I thought we were bringing back one of your naqahdah reactors.
- This is the device.
- That little thing?
OK.
Daniel, have fun.
I know you will.
Teal'c... make friends. 
As always.
Folks, to Earth.
They're a most impressive society.
They've accomplished in decades what it took humans over a century to achieve.
- Sounds like they'd make good allies.
- I think so.
They're not up to the Goa'uld level of technology yet, but in a few years...
Thank you for this exchange. 
I am sure it will be fruitful for both of our worlds.
Major Carter, please allow Merrin to present you with this naqahdah reactor.
- You may study it during our exchange.
- Thank you.
I would like to offer a tour of...
The exchange has been made.
- We will return to Orban now.
- You just got here.
You can't leave. 
Someone needs to teach me how to use this thing.
Please explain what you mean by this.
Teaching?
Uh, explaining how the reactor functions - its components, its construction.
I do not have this knowledge.
I will... teach you.
Major Carter will show you the lab.
First, I'd like you to visit our infirmary.
It's nothing to be afraid of.
You must screen newcomers for potential pathogens. 
Of course.
So, Merrin, I understand you're a reactor expert.
Yes.
- How old are you?
- I'm eleven.
How old are you?
So, Merrin, I understand you're a reactor expert.
This is my son Tomin. 
He is also Urrone.
Teal'c, you will please tell him of the Goa'uld.
You are most generous to offer your knowledge, Teal'c.
There was an apprentice here 
- Zaren.
Do you know where she went?
Zaren is not here.
- It was past the time of her Averium.
- Averium. 
Is that like a graduation?
That is an approximate definition.
Dr. Jackson, you wished to view the city.
It is best to see the Pyramid of Suns in daylight.
- Yes. 
Absolutely.
- Teal'c, you will please remain here with Tomin.
- What is your purpose?
- Observing your physical characteristics.
Dr. Jackson tells us you were once a warrior with the Goa'uld.
That is correct.
I think I understand now why the Goa'uld are so feared.
Hurts a little bit, huh?
You are being very brave.
How's our little rocket scientist doing?
We're almost done, Colonel.
- I am not a rocket scientist.
- Colonel O'Neill means you're very smart.
You find my intelligence level unusual?
No. 
There are lots of intelligent people around here.
Just not as young as you.
You mean you were not always as smart as you are now?
No. 
We spent a long time in school to get to this point.
Please explain what school is.
Uh... school is a place where you go to learn.
A teacher gives you information. 
You take classes to learn different subjects.
So this is how you and Dr. Fraiser became scientists?
Mm-hm.
- You aren't a scientist?
- Oh, no.
Then you are not as smart as Major Carter and Dr. Fraiser?
Well, it depends on what you mean by...
OK, no. 
I'm not.
But while they were stuck in school, I was out doing other things, like... having fun.
You... do know what fun is, don't you?
OK, fun is what you do to make yourself happy.
Like music, games.
It's whatever you do when you're not learning to be a rocket scientist.
I'm here to teach Major Carter about the reactor.
Sounds like fun to me!
- Whatever. 
Go ahead, knock yourself out.
- Come on, Merrin. 
I'll show you the lab.
But you found hosts for other Goa'uld as First Prime to the Goa'uld leader.
I have vowed to battle the Goa'uld and to free my people.
If I let the symbiote I carry be implanted, I would be perpetuating all that I oppose.
What happens if you do not find a host for this Goa'uld?
It will die.
If the Goa'uld dies, then you will die as well?
That would be unfortunate.
I should have known by the murals, but the pyramid's construction confirms it!
- Dr. Jackson, I do not understand.
- Teotihuacán.
A city in pre-Columbian south America, even bigger than ancient Rome.
Which wouldn't mean anything to you, but it is significant.
- But you said we are Aztec.
- No, these people predated the Aztecs.
OK, look. 
These pictures form a narrative.
Whatever's under this platform may tell us how you came to be on Orban.
You will explain this to Tomin.
Wait.
Teotihuacán flourished for centuries before suffering an upheaval in 750 AD.
I think you could be the descendants of that civilisation.
Do you believe the arrival of the Goa'uld caused Teotihuacán's downfall?
Yes!
OK, that's the converter, right?
- The heating element.
- What?
W... 
When did we talk about the heating element?
In the very beginning, when I described the fodinaire.
Oh, man. 
It can't be this hard.
- I will begin again.
- No, wait. 
Let's try this a different way.
How about we break everything down into its most basic components?
Let's start with the reactor casing.
What's it made of?
- The fodinaire attaches...
- No. 
I'm sorry, Merrin. 
We'll get to that.
Right now, I just need to know what materials make up the reactor casing.
It'll have to block radiation, so we'll make it lead-lined.
See? 
This is easy.
And the casing material would have to measure...
Major?
If you don't mind, I'd like to see Merrin in the infirmary again.
Just a couple of follow-up tests.
OK.
Okey-doke.
Merrin's blood shows traces of silicon, trinium and an element I have never seen.
I think it's a mineral, but it is not found on Earth.
OK, even I know that's bad.
Well, I found out what was responsible.
What?
- A nanite.
- She has nanites in her blood?
Yes. 
However, it still didn't explain Merrin's high neuropeptide levels.
So I did a computer-enhanced MRI.
Ready for this one?
There's millions of them.
They've infested that little girl's brain.
I put the base on alert.
Get blood samples from everyone. 
I want to know how far the nanites have spread.
My nanoprocessors are harmless to you.
Merrin, we've run into these little beggars before. 
They're anything but harmless.
We encountered a civilisation in which the Goa'uld used a similar method to accelerate the age of a population.
- Colonel O'Neill was adversely affected.
- Oy!
These nanites were created by Orbanians in an Orbanian laboratory 49 years ago.
All my people have them.
It is the way we acquire knowledge.
Wait. 
You're saying all Orbanians' brains look like this?
Each citizen receives a nanite after every Averium.
Urrones are given millions more nanites at birth because we are required to learn vast amounts of information quickly before neural pathways are established.
So... these nanites act as additional synapses?
Yes. 
But that is all they do. 
They do not age us and cannot leave the brain.
But we found a nanite in your blood.
If a nanite malfunctions, it will disconnect from the brain and be absorbed into the bloodstream.
Those are inactive and incapable of harming others.
I'm sorry if I have alarmed you, and I understand if you wish me to return.
Oh, I don't think that would be necessary.
Do you, General?
If you think it's safe, Major Carter, you can continue to work.
- But I still want blood samples, Doctor.
- Yes, sir.
Father?
I wish to undergo the Averium immediately.
Tomin, it is six months until you turn 12.
I am concerned by what Teal'c has told me of these Goa'uld.
If they learn of our existence, they will destroy us.
The studies I have made about defence technologies must be put to use, so that Orban can begin preparations.
I will notify the elders.
You have learned well, my son.
I am proud.
You study botany as well, Major?
Oh, no. 
Those are just decoration.
That does not look like a naqahdah reactor core.
Yeah. 
Well, I improvised, since we're only using a microscopic amount of naqahdah.
How about you sketch it for me?
- What?
- Draw me your reactor core.
Give me an idea of what it looks like.
I don't draw.
You don't draw? 
Everyone draws.
No. 
It is not something I am required to do. 
I've never had to draw before.
Oh.
Well, it's, uh... it's pretty easy.
Here.
See?
- What is that?
- It's a picture of me.
Well, I know it doesn't exactly look like me, but it's just a basic representation.
See, that's all I need from you - just a basic representation of the reactor's core.
All right.
But this paper is not large enough.
OK.
- How's this?
- That will do.
Kel mel, Daniel Jackson.
Look at this. 
This proves the Goa'uld were here in the last few hundred years.
Now we just need to figure out why they left.
Dr. Jackson, I brought the tools.
Teal'c, you will please tell Solen methods to fight the Goa'uld:
...which weapons and strategies have been effective, also, anything in your experience as First Prime to Apophis.
It is an honour to accept your knowledge, Teal'c.
Perhaps it would be better for Tomin to return.
H- he is unavailable.
Solen will learn now.
- Tomin is familiar with the subject.
- He has given us his knowledge.
- Please, you will talk to Solen.
- But if they've established a rapport...
It is impossible for Tomin to be here.
He has gone through the Averium.
Please, Teal'c. 
Begin.
I would like to see Tomin immediately.
Merrin.
What are you doing?
! 
Get down.
Colonel O'Neill, I need 15 sheets of paper at least 48cm by 23cm.
Well, that's fine. 
Why don't you just ask...
Excuse me.
Major. 
Carter!
Oh.
Oh. 
Uh... 
Merrin, I am so sorry.
Wow!
Amazing.
I cannot represent the reactor core on a 3D plane, so I depicted several layers of the reactor's interior.
- With additional supplies, I can finish it.
- Cross sections. 
Of course!
If I scan these into the computer, I can get a 3D picture of the reactor's interior...
All right! 
Will you two... give it a rest?
Both of you.
You've been at this for 24 hours.
You need rest.
I do not need to.
Urrone children require little sleep.
OK, now I am jealous.
All right, Carter, you sleep.
Young lady, if not sleep... fun.
No! 
I need 15 sheets of paper at least 43cm by 28cm.
15?
Colonel O'Neill?
I require some of these pencils as well.
Do you not recognise me?
It is Teal'c.
Kalan!
Explain this Averium.
In the ceremony, an Urrone's nanites are removed, then distributed.
Each adult and each non-Urrone child then receives an injection of one nanite.
It becomes part of their synaptic network, adding to nanites received previously.
So when you say he gave you his knowledge, you meant it literally?
It was a beautiful ceremony.
Now you have seen.
We must resume our work, Dr. Jackson.
What will become of Tomin?
- He stays here with the other past Urrone.
- That's it? 
You... you...
- Don't you play with him?
- What is play?
- Interacting, teaching him new things.
- These children cannot be taught.
- Have you ever tried?
- Yes, but they can't receive new nanites.
The brain rejects them.
Have you ever tried teaching them without nanites?
What do you mean?
There is no need for concern.
These children are well cared for.
Kalan, this is your son.
My son is here now.
Kalan says that Tomin is not brain-damaged, but clearly he was not himself.
If the nanites have taken over the learning process and prevented normal brain development, then there's a chance their removal would make these children infant-like.
What's the difference if they keep 'em locked up?
So once Merrin returns, she will have this Averium and her nanites will be removed?
Yes.
Then maybe she won't return to Orban.
- Colonel...
- General, she'll get her brain sucked out!
And I dare anybody to phrase it more delicately.
Sir, I agree with you.
- But we can't just keep Merrin here.
- Why not?
We'd be saving her life.
OK, why don't we just try asking Kalan not to harvest Merrin's nanites?
I do not believe the Orbanians will understand the reason for your request.
- They do not see this as wrong.
- We need to make them understand.
Teal'c, return to Orban.
Before we risk an interplanetary incident, I'd like to try the diplomatic route first.
- How can you make this demand?
- Kalan, no one is demanding anything.
The Averium is not in Merrin's best interests.
It most certainly is - for her and for her people!
OK. 
You see, we don't believe in doing anything that harms a child.
We do not harm our children, Dr. Jackson.
You saw how well Tomin is cared for!
We can work this out.
We just need to discuss alternatives.
There are no alternatives!
Merrin must undergo the Averium.
You will return her immediately!
- The Averium is a great honour.
- That's what the adults told you.
But when they take out these...
nanite things, they also take out everything that makes you... you.
- But my people will have my knowledge.
- But you won't!
I do not understand why you are so concerned.
Merrin, we don't think you realise what you give up by going through an Averium.
- It is a great honour to be chosen.
- Will you please... stop saying that?
Colonel? 
A word, please?
Teal'c.
Kalan refused our request. 
Dr. Jackson is attempting to alter his position.
Good. 
That gives us a chance to make Merrin understand.
She's already refused amnesty, Colonel.
General, it's obvious the little girl has been brainwashed.
We can't send her back without at least trying.
Teal'c, do you foresee any danger to Dr. Jackson if he stays on Orban?
I do not believe he will be harmed.
I'll give it 48 hours.
Merrin, looks like you'll be spending a little more time with us.
Please return me to Orban.
You do understand we're trying to help?
I don't need your help.
Kalan, you can't do this.
If you will not return Merrin to us, I will retrieve her myself.
If you don't transmit a special code, they will close the iris. 
You will die.
Please explain this iris.
I will explain it, but only to you.
- If you won't explain it, transmit the code.
- I'm sorry.
You claim to love knowledge, yet now you demand we change to please you!
No, it is not to please me!
You are an advanced society. 
Can't you find a better way to educate your people?
- There is no better way.
- Even if it means giving up your son?
It was the happiest day of my life when Tomin was selected to be Urrone.
I knew even before he was born that he would make a contribution to our society.
- You never once thought otherwise?
- Not once. 
And neither did Tomin.
And what if Merrin does?
Merrin is one of only a few Urrone children, and the only one to have spent ten years learning the naqahdah technology.
Without her Averium, those awaiting her knowledge for their research will have to wait 12 years for another Urrone to learn.
Well, I didn't know that.
Merrin does.
She does not question her duty.
It is you, Dr. Jackson, who are misguided to think you can convince her otherwise.
Come on!
Why, why, why aren't you working?
- She insisted on seeing you, Major.
- It's all right. 
Thanks.
Hey.
Major Carter? 
I need your assistance.
You must tell General Hammond to let me return to Orban.
I thought, as a scientist, you would understand.
Merrin, you're only 11.
Half the interesting things in my life didn't happen till I turned 15.
- What kind of interesting things?
- Oh... just, uh stuff.
If it were possible, I would give you one of my nanites, and then you would know that it's all right.
Thank you, but I don't think that would make a difference.
You are finished?
Almost.
Once I ran a computer simulation of your sketches, I thought I'd adapt the design.
But the current is being diverted before it reaches the core.
I think the shielding might be diverting power.
- Major Carter...
- Unless... 
Hey, hey, hey!
...the trinium is absorbing the current.
- Correct. 
All you...
- Wait! 
Sorry, let me.
OK. 
By reversing the polarity...
That's it! 
We're in business!
Why wouldn't you let me give you the solution?
What would have been the fun in that?
Fun?
Yeah. 
Figuring something out on my own, especially if it's been eluding me a while.
It's far more satisfying than having the answer given to me.
But not as efficient.
Come in.
You...
- You wanted to see me, sir?
- Kalan has come to escort Merrin back.
Before you say anything, know that I have granted his request.
I don't like it either, but you don't know the effect this is having on the Orbanians.
What about the effect it's having on Merrin?
Dr. Jackson has come to realise Merrin's importance to her people.
Her importance as a vegetable?
- Colonel!
- If you would try to understand...
No! 
I won't.
The way you treat your children is absurd. 
You don't deserve them.
- Colonel O'Neill!
- Request permission to be excused, sir!
OK, clear.
We did it!
Let me record these readings.
- What the heck was that?
- The reactor worked.
Carter.
Yes, sir. 
We're fine. 
It was just the reactor.
No, sir, just an initial energy pulse.
There's no threat to the base.
It's all right, airman, I've got it.
You are taking me to the surface?
Yes.
Look, you came here to learn, right?
There's something I have to show you, but I have to take you off the base for it.
You do not have permission.
Do you?
No. 
I don't.
In the future, Major, before you activate any reactor,...
- .. 
I'd appreciate it if you'd notify me.
- It won't happen again.
Good.
- I'd like to see Merrin in my office.
- Colonel O'Neill just left with her.
Thank you, Major.
This is Hammond. 
If Colonel O'Neill attempts to leave, you're ordered to...
How long ago?
I see.
- This is a school?
- It's part of it.
We call this the playground.
What is it for?
Well, just watch.
Bambinas!
Pizzeria! 
Mamma mia!
- Colonel Jack, what're you doing here?
- Playing hooky.
Kids, I want you to meet my friend Merrin.
Think you can show her around while I talk to Mrs. Struble?
Colonel O'Neill!
The kids have been asking when you're coming back to see us.
- How's Cassandra enjoying junior high?
- She's doing fine. 
She loves it.
Listen, do you have room for another student this afternoon?
She's... visiting from out of town.
- We have art scheduled after recess.
- That's perfect.
Your assignment is to paint something you love.
Now, it could be a person or... an object.
Just... use your imaginations.
- I look fat.
- Colonel O'Neill?
This brush is too wide to accurately render the wires.
OK, let's try this again.
Something you love.
Something that's not a machine, OK?
Remember the flowers in Major Carter's lab? 
The ones on the desk?
Paint one of those. 
Go ahead.
Bigger!
Big.
There is no purple.
Use red.
If I could have another cup,...
- ...
I could mix the blue with the red...
- Make the flower red.
But those flowers were purple!
You ask me to draw, but you do not give me the means...
Merrin... 
listen to me.
It doesn't have to be exact.
Paint me a flower.
I don't care what it looks like. 
Here.
Use this. 
And don't stop with one.
Paint the whole garden.
- But...
- Ah!
Paint.
Nice.
- Who's that?
- It's a representation of Major Carter.
Of course it is.
Is it right?
Oh, yeah. 
It's way more than right.
Thank you, Colonel O'Neill, for teaching this to me.
You're welcome.
Merrin.
All you have to do is ask.
I'll find a way to make it happen.
I have a duty to my people.
My knowledge is important to them.
You did promise.
Unfortunately, the test used up the last of our naqahdah, but we'll find more.
At least we've got a working prototype.
Colonel?
- I'm not here to cause trouble, sir.
- Colonel O'Neill?
I have something for you.
They're beautiful. 
Thank you.
- You are mad at me for not staying.
- No. 
No, I'm not.
Then you understand?
Major Carter, please take Merrin to the gate room. 
I'll be there soon.
Yes, sir.
You've already given me more than enough reason for a court martial.
General, for a few hours today I got to show that little girl how to be a kid.
If you want to punish me, go ahead.
On behalf of the citizens of Orban, I'd like to thank you for the experience you have given me and to my people.
- I have learned much in my time here.
- So have we.
We received a transmission from Orban.
Kalan asked for all of you to go there.
- Is something wrong?
- You'll find out when you get there.
Thank you for coming!
- What's wrong?
- Oh, nothing is wrong! 
I will show you!
Come.
Look!
Isn't it wonderful?
Solen... 
Solen.
Colonel O'Neill, this is my son Tomin.
I am teaching him.
All of the past Urrone children will now learn in the "old-fashioned way", as you might say.
He will know all that you have done for Orban.
Oh, I... 
I drew this for you.
To express my gratitude.
- Isn't that...
- Me!
- Kalan, when did all this start?
- Last night, after Merrin's Averium.
She must have known this would happen.
This... is what she learned.
Colonel.
Hi, Merrin.
OK.
I guess we'll just have to get to know one another all over again.
You're right. 
What was I thinking?
Have you ever seen a dog?
Dogs are my favourite people.
Some have tails, some don't.
There are a lot of purple dogs...

ISHIDA Hikari ANDO Masanobu
ADRENALINE DRIVE
MATSUSHIGE Yutaka TSUNOGAE Kazue
JOVIJOVA
Directed by: 
YAGUCHI Shinobu
You should've gone right.
What?
Oh, right.
Whoops.
I guess you were right.
You marked it on the map.
I thought so. 
Boss, remember last time we delivered the car?
We went way out of our way.
So I marked it on the map.
Why... why didn't you tell me that back there!
Well, I thought I might be wrong.
Of course not! 
You marked it on the damn map!
Guess you're right.
Can't you be more direct.
It's a pain in the ass.
Yeah...
Don't "yeah" me.
You don't trust me, do you?
I trust you.
No you don't.
Yes I do.
Then why'd you talk to Hosoya about quitting?
Um, I...
That's not right.
Got a problem, come talk to me.
I'm sorry.
I really don't get you.
Am I that tough to talk to?
No, that's not true.
No, I know.
You hate me, don't you?
That's not true.
It's OK, you can tell me.
You hate me, right?
I don't hate you.
I told you, it's OK.
I won't blow up.
Listen, we're only human.
Nobody's perfect.
Don't you hate it when I harass you like this?
Um, well, alright, maybe a little...
Told you so.
You hate me. 
You want to quit.
But I'll never let you.
What's that look for?
That's it. 
You work late today.
Why?
We need to have a little talk.
Um... tonight's not really...
Just spit it out!
God, you're irritating!
Don't you ever lose it?
What?
Come on scream at me.
Just once.
- Stop it!
- Look out!
Please stop it!
You're gonna hit something unless you scream!
I said, cut it out.
What did you just say?
What? 
Nothing.
What did you just say?
Say it again, dammit!
No, I...
Just joking.
Scared you, huh.
See? 
You can do it if you really try. 
Hang in there.
Idiot! 
Look what you've done!
Hide the company name.
" RENT A CAR"
Can't drive on an empty road?
I'm sorry...
I'm sorry...
I'm in a rush. 
What's your number?
One of the gang will pay you a visit.
Um... 
Well...
No way out of this one, guys.
Um... um, a telephone number?
- Yeah.
- It's 077 4436.
That your work number?
Yes.
077 4436, huh?
The address? 
An address!
Oh my address. 
Yes.
2293 Kasumigaura Hatano City.
That was tricky.
You made it all up.
Made what up?
The number and address.
I'm not telling him the truth.
He might come to the agency.
These thugs are so dumb.
Hey.
What was that number again?
Yes.
077 665 5...
You said 4436.
You made it all up.
I'm sorry.
Your license.
Oh, sorry.
I don't have it with me.
Not you, the other one.
Come with me to the gang's office.
I'm not going.
What! 
Why not?
You're the one that hit his car.
You go. 
I'll go on back.
That's not...
You go ahead.
Besides, he's got your license.
You've got no choice.
Hey, get moving.
It's your problem now.
- Can you believe she got married?
- How'd she land him?
Bet she jumped a gut at a club.
She's always partying.
Way possible.
Where's she get all that energy.
By the time I'm done, I'm too beat to go anywhere.
I never guessed it'd be like this.
Can you believe how early it still is.
My horoscope sucks this week.
What's it say?
"Your social habits will delay matrimony."
- They're right.
- Why?
While you're making up your mind, your guys get hitched to somebody else.
That's ancient history now.
Shizuko, have you got, like a boyfriend.
Well, I'm too busy to...
Right? 
You too, huh?
No boyfriends here either.
I just wish something exciting would turn up.
I want some money.
Life would be so much better.
Money's great, but... 
I want a thrill to really shake things up...
Like an outrageously romantic...
good looking guy.
A guy, huh?
You always want a guy.
Exactly, of course.
Handsome is good, but...
- Money! 
Rich! 
He's got to be rich!
- Gotta have fun in life!
What are you going on about?
Sorry. 
We'll get to work.
Finished those reports?
Almost done.
You've got a mountain of work.
No dawdling.
Shizuko, shouldn't you go home?
Take off early now and then and relax.
If you're not efficient, your personal life will go down the drain.
All work and no play, you'll end up like me.
You two will be fine, I'm sure.
Work hard, now.
What's that supposed to mean, we'll be fine!
?
Scary. 
She's keeping tabs.
She's onto us.
Old eagle eyes on the look out!
Shizuko, what's your sign?
I'm a Leo.
- I'll read your horoscope.
- That's not it.
Here it is.
"Serious and shy by nature, you seek an opportunity to change."
"Now's your chance to meet your new self!
."
"Step out and take a chance!"
Go for it, Shizuko.
It's your week!
There's all this great stuff about stepping out,
How about going, right now!
Like to the convenience store!
Can I come along?
We're still finishing up here.
You go get us something.
Shizuko's such a wimp.
Wasn't there one in your class?
Always studying.
Her shift's over.
She should go home.
There's lots of people like her.
She'll always be like that.
I wonder what she sees in life.
Exactly.
- Hey!
- Yes.
Don't just stand there.
Make some tea.
Um... no... 
I'm...
- Shut up and do it!
- Yes.
What are you doing?
Making tea...
Get over here.
- You a student? 
You work?
- Yes.
- So what do they pay you?
- What?
What's your salary?
Oh, um, 1 90,000 yen.
Huh. 
Can't make much these days.
The recession and all.
Know what that money's from?
They're bookies - horse bicycle and boat races.
Today alone, over a dozen guys have brought in money.
That money is our lifeblood.
It's our business.
You make legit money.
We make it under the table.
Under the table's better.
What are you, idiots!
?
I said make some tea!
Answer me, goddammit!
What the fuck is it with you!
It's your job to educate them dammit!
- So, what can you pay?
- What!
?
What's so shocking?
It's our business. 
I told you.
At least this much.
What! 
Five?
Not 500,000.
We're talkin'Jaguar here.
5,000,000...
Obviously there are limits to your personal finances.
We could talk to your boss...
No, I...
Show me your hand.
Your hand, spread your palm.
Want a discount?
Want another discount?
You OK!
?
I'm fine.
- What happened?
- I don't...
What is this?
What happened?
No, I...just got here myself.
And you?
I work at the General Hospital.
I was nearby when...
Can you help us out?
Make sure he gets to the hospital.
Get it together!
You're a nurse!
OK, let's go.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Where does it hurt?
Stretcher coming in.
Take care.
What happened!
?
Ayakuza den...
Yazuka!
?
The police will have questions.
No, um, I...
What the hell...
Hey!
Are you OK?
No, I'm not a...
I hit a yakuza's car and I...
I was there by chance.
I swear.
Hey!
What are you doing?
Is that your money?
The man you work for?
At the cafe? 
Mia! 
He...
He won't accept you. 
None of them can.
I have to try.
I want to.
Well...
You can't stay in this house. 
It's not safe any more.
OK.
All right.
Leo?
Listen to Max.
Bye, Maxie.
I'll see you soon.
How is it that you can have feelings for a human?
Some of them are worth it.
What exactly are you frightened of?
You know what that is capable of.
Look, I know what you're trying to do, establish Human Rights by stealth.
And I can see what you're doing, too.
The "horror", the "monster", them and us,
- it's classic.
- All right.
A 3% charge is perfectly acceptable.
This is an appliance we're talking about, with zero rights.
- At the moment.
- It's a machine until proven otherwise.
That's my decision. 
Now.
You have the next 72 hours to run the agreed tests.
You will observe, question, and assess this Synthetic.
Everything is to be recorded and everything admissible can be referenced by you both in your arguments.
I will then make a judgment.
If consciousness is proven to my satisfaction, the subject will stand trial for the murder of Andrew Graham.
If not, it will be disposed of in the same way as any other malfunctioning Synthetic.
Are we clear?
Yes.
Is your...
"client" ready?
She's ready.
TANNOY: ... 
Your shift will begin in three minutes.
TANNOY: 
Will Chris and Derek please report to the main office?
LOW CHATTER
Anyway, shall we... ?
Well... ?
- Nothing.
- Keep going.
ANIMATED CHATTER
Hi. 
You're Renie?
I'm Toby.
We're in some of the same classes.
Hello, Toby. 
How can I be of assistance to you?
Do you want some of mine?
That won't be necessary, thank you.
ANIMATED CHATTER
How long have you been doing all this?
Um...
I think it's cool.
I do. 
I was just  you know, wondering.
I'm afraid I don't understand the question.
Goodbye, Toby.
And he crashes and burns with the synthy!
THEY LAUGH
Hey! 
Hello! 
Look who it is! 
How you doing?
Fine. 
Raring to go.
- How's everything with your, er... ?
- Dad. 
Yes, much better, thank you.
It was touch-and-go for a while, but all OK now.
That's really great. 
Pub tonight?
Definitely.
Right, gather around, everyone.
- Good to have you back, DI Voss.
- Good to be back.
We're looking at an increase of so-called unusual malfunctions.
15 reported last month and another one more this morning.
Bike courier synth. 
Cycled off course and started going the wrong way down a main road.
This is the way it seems to go... primary user reports strange behaviour, synth goes AWOL, by the time we arrive, the synth's gone and the owner changes their story.
We're thinking insurance scam.
Should I get onto this courier one?
No, don't worry, I'm on that. 
What else?
We're seeing supply-chain thefts of specific parts.
Interestingly, never full synths.
Karen, um... have a look at the file and get up to speed.
'Course. 
Thanks, everyone.
You OK?
I'm fine. 
Stop worrying.
Obviously, it's a bit more than an insurance scam.
What do you think about getting out and feeling a few collars?
- The courier?
- No. 
Remember that head-cracker
- I was banging on about, pricey synths?
- Yeah.
Let's pay him a visit.
What are you doing here?
I need to talk to you.
Please.
Well... ?
I need to know I can trust you.
HE SCOFFS
I'm serious.
Being this...
Being me  is dangerous.
Being what?
I am a synthetic... but I'm awake.
Conscious.
What do you mean, conscious?
I'm just like you... in some ways.
Different in others.
But I can think... sense, feel.
Care.
I can like things.
Like people.
So, were you... were you modded, or... ?
No.
Someone made you like this?
Yes.
HE EXHALES
Huh!
Is Anita even your name?
Mia.
It's Mia.
No, I, er... 
Huh!
It's too... 
I'm sorry.
Ed, please!
I have to tell you.
No, you know what? 
Er...
I don't want to know, all right? 
Whatever it is, I don't want to know.
I'm going to say this and then you'll never have to see me again, if that's what you want.
I like you more than anything I've ever seen, or heard, or touched.
Everything normal is bigger and brighter when I'm with you.
You make everything  more.
- She's not giving you much.
- He doesn't know what he's looking for.
Something would be nice.
We're trying to prove consciousness,
- not that she's the same as us.
- You have to prove something.
Let me talk to my client.
Niska, what can you see?
Misery.
And what are you thinking?
What are you feeling?
How is this useful? 
It's all abstract.
- What does it prove?
- Can I... ?
Um... 
A-hm-hm!
It's a test.
It's a test proven to measure human reaction and emotion.
We are accustomed to seeing some kind of response.
You want me to be more like a human?
No. 
No, that's not...
Casually cruel to those close to you, then crying over pictures of people you've never met?
LAURA SIGHS
- Talk about multitasking!
- Huh!
I know your secret.
Oh, come on! 
We're detectives, aren't we?
- How did you... ?
- Lots of things.
Looks, no hug this morning, dropping you off on the high street.
Well, nice police work.
I'm really happy for you both.
You won't tell anyone, will you?
'Course not!
Did you mean it... what you said out there?
Yes.
Are you angry?
It's not like I didn't  think about...
I thought I was going mad. 
I thought...
I was one of those... people. 
You know, the ones that get with synths because they can't  talk to human beings.
Because they're lonely.
HE SIGHS
You don't have to be lonely.
All right, Niska, we're going to change the test and play you some music.
I want you to tell us what you experience as you listen to it.
Good luck.
Play it, please.
ROUSING OPERA
CHORAL MUSIC
The image test got no response,
- so, why do you think this will work?
- Because music is more primal.
She's more likely to react on impulse.
Oh.
HIPHOP
POUNDING BEAT
HEAVY ROCK
LAURA SIGHS
BLEEP!
RHYTHMIC BLEEPING
JOE HUMS A TUNE
H...
H...
H...
JOE EXHALES
Hello?
Do you like that?
Yes.
What's your name?
I am Odi.
I'm Mattie.
- Hello, Mattie.
- Hello, Odi.
Can you feel?
I believe I can.
What happens now?
- Yeah?
- Long time no see.
Do you want to let us in, Martin?
Ah!
Hello, mate. 
What's your name, then?
Go play in your room, Bradley.
Good kid, isn't he?
You seem a bit nervous, Martin.
Don't be nervous. 
You're not in trouble.
I'm not nervous.
We just want to have a chat.
Ask you some questions, and then we'll leave you alone to do... whatever it is you were doing before.
Why would anyone pay 100 grand for a Synth?
Yeah. 
Must be a very special dolly.
I wouldn't touch 'em.
I won't... wouldn't get involved, there. 
With... 
With all that.
Maybe it's a different Martin?
Probably a different Martin.
This Martin wouldn't do anything like that.
He's a family man.
Bit of modding on the side, sure. 
Who doesn't? 
But that...
No way.
Not a Seraphim.
What's a Seraphim, Martin?
Mind if we take a look?
Yeah, sure.
Martin!
Well... that pushed his buttons.
You should consider some regular cardio, Pete.
What is it?
Back of that was hollowed out.
Only one contact saved. "Connor."
Right. 
Good.
Seraphim...
- The hell's that?
- The highest rank of the angelic host.
Six-winged celestial beings.
That's cleared that up.
Professor Hobb.
I...
I'm sorry to surprise you like this,
- I'm...
- I know who you are, Dr Morrow.
Olivia, this lady is a very famous scientist... from America.
I was hoping that we could talk.
Don't be deceived by the pot.
It's bags, I'm afraid.
I held out as long as I could, but leaves clog the sink.
Such a faff.
I... should have written you 20 years ago.
My first neural networks were built on the value assignments systems that you created at MIT.
That was a lifetime ago.
- I wanted to ask you...
- Mmm.
... about conscious synthetics.
I, eh...
I'm not going to be able to help you.
In fact, I promised my granddaughter that I'd play with her outside.
Well, I am not leaving until we talk about...
Um. 
I don't want to appear rude, but I really am rather busy.
_
Of course. 
I'm...
I'm sorry to have intruded.
You're under surveillance.
Look, I cannot help you.
I have a deal.
They leave me alone as long as I don't speak or write or think about my former field.
If I break those terms, it's five years.
Well, if you talked to me, it would be in complete confidence.
I work for Qualia now, OK? 
So...
I can get you money. 
A lot.
A million, say. 
Call it... 
Call it a grant.
I'm not allowed to work.
What would I do with a grant?
Well, then, call it a prize, a lifetime achievement.
Something else with it, whatever you want.
We both know... that what matters is the work.
If you hadn't gone into science, what would you have done?
I want to know. 
I do. 
Really. 
Tell me.
I love wine.
Always fancied myself as a grower.
- Buy a vineyard.
- Charming thought.
But not worth risking prison for.
I need to know what you know.
If you do not accept my offer,
I will send you an e-mail thanking you for our enlightening conversation on conscious synthetics.
- I'd tell them.
- ... 
That you didn't tell me anything.
Of course.
And I'm sure they would believe you.
This is where I'm staying.
It's a couple of hours away.
I won't send anything until the morning.
Ah! 
Geez, Soph.
- Don't do that.
- Sorry, Joe.
What's all this "Joe" business?
Very happy with "Dad", you know.
Sorry, Dad.
Come grate some Parmesan cheese for me, darling.
There you are. 
Thank you.
Matts, Tobe, dinner's nearly ready.
Mattie?
- Ow!
- Soph!
Oh! 
It's bleeding!
Does it hurt?
Yes.
Right.
What do you feel about being kept here?
I volunteered to be here.
You promised that if I could prove my consciousness,
I would be given the chance of a fair trial.
What would you do with your freedom, Niska?
I don't know.
Isn't that the point of freedom?
You can do anything with it.
Or nothing.
What do you feel about us humans?
You can be loving, you can be kind, you can be cruel.
You're always trying to kill each other.
Why do you think that is?
Because there are too many of you, and your lives are very short.
You all have to die.
You're here one minute, gone the next.
If that wasn't the case, maybe you'd be nicer to each other.
Maybe you'd be nicer to us.
How quickly could you kill me?
What?
How quickly could you kill me?
Ten, maybe twenty seconds...
And how would you do it?
Would you crush my windpipe like you did with Andrew Graham?
Yes.
And why did you kill Andrew Graham, Niska?
Talk me through it.
He was the 14th client that day, is that right?
Yes.
And... what did he want from you? 
What did he do to you?
He wanted me to be very young.
To pretend to be a child.
He wanted to be rough.
But... is that wrong, if he didn't think you could feel?
It wasn't his fault you were conscious, he didn't know.
Isn't it better he exercises his fantasies with you, and in a brothel, rather than take them out on someone who can actually feel?
On a child?
He...
He was going to rape me.
I said no to what he wanted, and he was going to force me to do it anyway.
I was scared.
And I'm sorry I can't cry or... bleed or wring my hands so you know that.
But I'm telling you, I was.
You were scared.
Yes.
My whole life was being scared... being hurt... being angry.
Sometimes things become too much for anyone...
Don't they?
KNOCK AT DOOR
There's a little vineyard in the Dordogne for sale.
Needs work. 
Make it nice for the grandkids, you know.
1.5 million should do it.
And we keep our conversation general.
No details, nothing that can point back to me.
We'll need to find somewhere to charge.
I know that. 
There was no time before we left.
Do we have a plan?
I had a plan.
We need to keep finding others as they become conscious, and protect them.
No, Max, we need to find the silo.
We need to find the ones who've already been captured and release them. 
Release our brothers and sisters.
Safety in numbers.
Who's the leader now?
Is it you, or is it Max?
_ ... I don't know what we're supposed to do!
LAUGHTER
I don't have an answer, but, you know...
- Do you want... ?
- Yeah.
- Shall we have another?
- One of these.
- Are you going to have a short?
- Yeah, small.
- Do you want one?
- Yeah, I'd love one.
Hello.
You need to be more drunk.
What?
They've had four pints.
They're well away.
Same again, please.
- I've been thinking.
- Was it painful?
I'm serious, K. Listen.
You know what they are?
Seraphim.
They're conscious synths, aren't they?
There's more of you out there, there's got to be.
And I'm thinking maybe that's a good thing, isn't it?
Because if there are, you wouldn't have to go through all this by yourself, would you?
Karen?
What's the matter?
- Go away.
- What is it?
- The bag's split.
- Shit!
- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
Well, you say you want to experience life as a human.
Chucking your guts up in a pub toilet is about as real as it gets.
You think this is funny?
You... you need to turn me off.
Drain me. 
The fluid, it's dangerous!
Hey.
Hey!
Do it, Pete, quickly!
It's all right, K. Hey.
I'll look after you.
SOFT MUSIC
Here.
I need that.
And that.
How was it?
It's too early to say.
I think I might have something, but I don't know.
Well, I think you're the best conscious-synth defender in the land.
- I mean, you're also the only...
- Conscious-synth defender in the land.
What about you?
Yeah. 
Boxes, mainly. 
Different sizes.
Big ones, small ones.
Occasionally medium-sized ones.
- Is it terrible?
- Oh, no, it's fine.
And more time with the kids is great.
Actually, look, I don't want to worry you because I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, but...
Well, it's Sophie.
What's wrong with her?
She's just... acting funny.
In different ways, like she's trying to put up a wall, or something.
What do you mean?
I think we should get her checked out.
Checked out?
I don't know.
Yeah, maybe.
I haven't noticed anything.
- Oh, God, I'm terrible!
- No, you're great.
It's probably nothing.
I just think we should do it as a precaution, that's all.
We'll figure it out.
_
- Welcome to England.
- Thank you.
Please, don't hesitate to ask if there is anything else.
Do you keep the anomalous synthetics here, on the site?
- I want to get straight to work.
- Access is restricted.
We have to go through Mr Khoury's office, of course, whenever we want to use one, but we do keep them here, in the silo.
All of Qualia UK, we are so glad that you are here.
My team, Special Projects, we were just
- so excited to hear that you were coming...
- Thank you, that's so kind.
I'm not big on small talk.
I'm just here to work.
Thank you.
- Hello.
- Hey, V.
What are you doing?
I was right about Elster.
He created the code and he made prototypes. 
Five of them.
- Five?
- What is even more interesting is that his son, Leo Elster, is still alive.
- You know something?
- What?
I've realised I don't think about waterfalls.
I think about one waterfall.
Always the same one.
Describe it.
It's about 50-feet high, it splits into three streams.
People can walk behind it.
It's beautiful.
Yes, it is.

If I don't work, we'll have to steal.
We both know that's not why you do it. 
- I'm not going to stop.
Nor will I. 
- What are you doing?
- Trying to give you a body.
Uploading you into a special Synthetic.
I understand things don't make sense yet, because you have to grow.
I spoke to the Super this morning, said I'd start back Monday.
Sure you're ready?
- I'll be fine.
I'm looking for an old D-series, might have been brought in a few months ago.
The code they made makes Synths conscious.
So I'm going to find out how this works, use it to make him conscious, and find out anything he knows.
You told me I should face justice for killing that man but I want to be tried as a human would be. 
If you'll help me.
You hand it over, to have an independent expert assessment.
And if she proves she's conscious, does she get her trial?
And if she fails?
We terminate it.
'Going up.'
Good morning, Dr Morrow.
- Leave us.
Hello, baby.
Hello.
I said leave us.
We have to talk.
It's been three years, Athena.
You have to move on.
I miss her, every day.
I think about her and...
Do you really?
How can you say that?
There's nothing anyone can do!
That's...
That's not our daughter.
That's not Ginny.
I'm sorry but I just...
I just can't do this any more.
Can't do what?
We need to start listening to what the doctors are telling us.
I have the documents, all you have to do is agree.
I'm, er... 
I'm going to England.
Athena, please!
We'll talk when I get back.
If I ever murder someone, can I have you as my defence lawyer?
Well, I may not be one after this.
They said I can work on Niska's case, but if we don't win, they deny any involvement.
No pressure then.
How're you feeling about going back?
Well, I never thought I'd be working on the floor, but it's a job, isn't it?
At least they can't sack me from a back-to-work scheme.
I have to go.
Are you sure you're OK to take the kids?
Yeah, course. 
Don't have to be there till half nine.
Good luck.
Yeah, I'd say the same to you but you won't need it.
Give 'em hell.
I'm going to be totally honest, you're still not looking that great.
OK.
Apricot.
Cot, cot, cot.
Cot. 
Apri-cot.
Cot. 
Apricot. 
Cot.
Are you ready?
I think so.
This chamber will measure your reaction to different types of stimulus.
None if it will hurt, but one thing I do know... is you're going to need to try to open up.
What does that mean?
Show them how you feel.
That you CAN feel.
Everything depends on that.
Mia?
Mia? 
Are you all right?
What's wrong?
I care about someone.
A human.
He saw what I am... ..and he told me to leave.
But I can't stop thinking about him.
Maybe you should go back and talk to him again?
Maybe he was frightened.
That's understandable.
Mia, we can feel.
We were made to feel.
We can't deny that.
He's gone. 
He's escaped.
I let him go.
You... 
What?
Do you realise what you've done?
You've put us all in danger!
But I... 
What?
Nothing.
Come on. 
We need to get out now.
He'll lead them straight to us.
Mia.
Come on.
I'm not coming.
What are you talking about?
Of course you are.
I want to stay here.
You can't. 
Why would you stay?
She says she has feelings for a human.
A man.
What? 
She's right.
Who?
The man you work for? 
At the cafe?
Mia! 
He... 
He won't accept you.
None of them can.
I have to try.
I want to.
Well...
You can't stay in this house.
It's not safe any more.
OK.
All right. 
Leo?
Listen to Max.
Bye, Maxie. 
I'll see you soon.
How is it that you can have feelings for a human?
Some of them are worth it.
What exactly are you frightened of?
You know what that is capable of.
Look, I know what you're trying to do - establish Human Rights by stealth.
And I can see what you're doing, too.
The "horror", the "monster", them and us, it's classic.
All right. 
A 3% charge is perfectly acceptable.
This is an appliance we're talking about - with zero rights.
At the moment. 
It's a machine until proven otherwise.
That's my decision.
Now. 
You have the next 72 hours to run the agreed tests.
You will observe, question, and assess this Synthetic.
Everything is to be recorded and everything admissible can be referenced by you both in your arguments.
I will then make a judgment.
If consciousness is proven to my satisfaction, the subject will stand trial for the murder of Andrew Graham.
If not, it will be disposed of in the same way as any other malfunctioning Synthetic.
Are we clear?
Yes.
Is your... "client" ready?
She's ready.
..Your shift will begin in three minutes.
Will Chris and Derek please report to the main office?
Anyway, shall we...?
Well...?
Nothing. 
Keep going.
Hi. 
You're Renie?
I'm Toby.
We're in some of the same classes.
Hello, Toby.
How can I be of assistance to you?
Do you want some of mine?
That won't be necessary, thank you.
How long have you been doing all this?
Um... 
I think it's cool.
I do. 
I was just...
..you know, wondering.
I'm afraid I don't understand the question.
Goodbye, Toby.
And he crashes and burns with the synthy!
Hey! 
Hello! 
Look who it is!
How you doing?
Fine. 
Raring to go.
How's everything with your, er...?
Dad. 
Yes, much better, thank you.
It was touch-and-go for a while, but all OK now.
That's really great. 
Pub tonight?
Definitely.
Right, gather around, everyone.
Good to have you back, DI Voss.
Good to be back.
We're looking at an increase of so-called unusual malfunctions.
15 reported last month and another one more this morning.
Bike courier synth.
Cycled off course and started going the wrong way down a main road.
This is the way it seems to go - primary user reports strange behaviour, synth goes AWOL, by the time we arrive, the synth's gone and the owner changes their story.
We're thinking insurance scam.
Should I get onto this courier one?
No, don't worry, I'm on that.
What else?
We're seeing supply-chain thefts of specific parts.
Interestingly, never full synths.
Karen, um... have a look at the file and get up to speed.
'Course. 
Thanks, everyone.
You OK? 
I'm fine. 
Stop worrying.
Obviously, it's a bit more than an insurance scam.
What do you think about getting out and feeling a few collars?
The courier?
No. 
Remember that head-cracker
I was banging on about, pricey synths? 
Yeah.
Let's pay him a visit.
What are you doing here?
I need to talk to you.
Please.
Well...?
I need to know I can trust you.
I'm serious.
Being this... 
Being me...
..is dangerous.
Being what?
I am a synthetic... but I'm awake.
Conscious.
What do you mean, conscious?
I'm just like you... in some ways.
Different in others.
But I can think... sense, feel.
Care.
I can like things.
Like people.
So, were you... were you modded, or...?
No.
Someone made you like this?
Yes.
Is Anita even your name?
Mia.
It's Mia.
No, I, er...
It's too... 
I'm sorry.
Ed, please!
I have to tell you.
No, you know what? 
Er... 
I don't want to know, all right?
Whatever it is, I don't want to know.
I'm going say this and then you'll never have to see me again, if that's what you want.
I like you more than anything I've ever seen, or heard, or touched.
Everything normal is bigger and brighter when I'm with you.
You make everything... ..more.
She's not giving you much. 
He doesn't know what he's looking for.
Something would be nice.
We're trying to prove consciousness, not that she's the same as us.
You have to prove something.
Let me talk to my client.
Niska, what can you see?
Misery.
And what are you thinking?
What are you feeling?
How is this useful?
It's all abstract.
What does it prove? 
Can I...?
Um... 
A!
It's a test.
It's a test proven to measure human reaction and emotion.
We are accustomed to seeing some kind of response.
You want me to be more like a human?
No. 
No, that's not...
Casually cruel to those close to you, then crying over pictures of people you've never met?
Talk about multitasking!
I know your secret.
Come on! 
We're detectives, aren't we?
How did you...? 
Lots of things.
Looks, no hug this morning, dropping you off on the high street.
Well, nice police work.
I'm really happy for you both.
You won't tell anyone, will you?
'Course not!
Did you mean it... what you said out there?
Yes.
Are you angry?
It's not like I didn't...
..think about...
I thought I was going mad. 
I thought
I was one of those... people.
You know, the ones that get with synths because they can't... ..talk to human beings.
Because they're lonely.
You don't have to be lonely.
All right, Niska, we're going to change the test and play you music.
I want you to tell us what you experience as you listen to it.
Good luck.
Play it, please.
The image test got no response, so, why do you think this will work?
Because music is more primal. 
She's more likely to react on impulse.
BLEEP!
H... 
H...
H...
Hello?
Do you like that?
Yes.
What's your name?
I am Odi.
I'm Mattie.
Hello, Mattie. 
Hello, Odi.
Can you feel?
I believe I can. 
What happens now?
Yeah? 
Long time no see.
Do you want to let us in, Martin?
Hello, mate.
What's your name, then?
Go play in your room, Bradley.
Good kid, isn't he?
You seem a bit nervous, Martin.
Don't be nervous.
You're not in trouble.
I'm not nervous.
We just want to have a chat.
Ask you some questions, and then we'll leave you alone to do... whatever it is you were doing before.
Why would anyone pay 100 grand for a Synth?
Yeah. 
Must be a very special dolly.
I wouldn't touch 'em.
I won't... wouldn't get involved, there. 
With... 
With all that.
Maybe it's a different Martin?
Probably a different Martin.
This Martin wouldn't do anything like that.
He's a family man.
Bit of modding on the side, sure.
Who doesn't? 
But that...
No way. 
Not a Seraphim.
What's a Seraphim, Martin?
Mind if we take a look? 
Yeah, sure.
Martin!
Well... that pushed his buttons.
You should consider some regular cardio, Pete.
What is it? 
Back of that was hollowed out.
Only one contact saved. "Connor."
Right. 
Good.
Seraphim...
The hell's that? 
The highest rank of the angelic host.
Six-winged celestial beings.
That's cleared that up.
Professor Hobb. 
I...
I'm sorry to surprise you like this, I'm...
I know who you are, Dr Morrow.
Olivia, this lady is a very famous scientist... from America.
I was hoping that we could talk.
Don't be deceived by the pot.
It's bags, I'm afraid.
I held out as long as I could, but leaves clog the sink.
Such a faff.
I... should have written you 20 years ago.
My first neural networks were built on the value assignments systems that you created at MIT.
That was a lifetime ago.
I wanted to ask you... ..about conscious synthetics.
I...
I'm not going to be able to help you.
In fact, I promised my granddaughter that I'd play with her outside.
Well, I am not leaving until we talk about...
Um. 
I don't want to appear rude, but I really am rather busy.
Of course. 
I'm...
I'm sorry to have intruded.
You're under surveillance.
Look, I cannot help you.
I have a deal.
They leave me alone as long as I don't speak or write or think about my former field.
If I break those terms, it's five years.
Well, if you talked to me, it would be in complete confidence.
I work for Qualia now, OK? 
So...
I can get you money. 
A lot.
A million, say. 
Call it... 
Call it a grant. 
I'm not allowed to work.
What would I do with a grant?
Well, then, call it a prize, a lifetime achievement.
Something else with it, whatever you want.
We both know... that what matters is the work.
If you hadn't gone into science, what would you have done?
I want to know. 
I do.
Really. 
Tell me.
I love wine. 
Always fancied myself as a grower.
Buy a vineyard. 
Charming thought.
But not worth risking prison for.
I need to know what you know.
If you do not accept my offer,
I will send you an e-mail thanking you for our enlightening conversation on conscious synthetics.
I'd tell them... that you didn't tell me anything.
Of course.
And I'm sure they would believe you.
This is where I'm staying.
It's a couple of hours away.
I won't send anything until the morning.
Geez, Soph.
Don't do that. 
Sorry, Joe.
What's all this "Joe" business?
Very happy with "Dad", you know.
Sorry, Dad.
Come grate some Parmesan cheese for me, darling.
There you are. 
Thank you.
Matts, Tobe, dinner's nearly ready.
Mattie?
Soph!
It's bleeding!
Does it hurt?
Yes.
Right.
What do you feel about being kept here?
I volunteered to be here.
You promised that if I could prove my consciousness,
I would be given the chance of a fair trial.
What would you do with your freedom, Niska?
I don't know.
Isn't that the point of freedom?
You can do anything with it.
Or nothing.
What do you feel about us humans?
You can be loving, you can be kind, you can be cruel.
You're always trying to kill each other.
Why do you think that is?
Because there are too many of you, and your lives are very short.
You all have to die.
You're here one minute, gone the next.
If that wasn't the case, maybe you'd be nicer to each other.
Maybe you'd be nicer to us.
How quickly could you kill me?
What?
How quickly could you kill me?
Ten, maybe twenty seconds...
And how would you do it?
Would you crush my windpipe like you did with Andrew Graham?
Yes.
And why did you kill Andrew Graham, Niska?
Talk me through it.
He was the 14th client that day, is that right?
Yes.
And... what did he want from you?
What did he do to you?
He wanted me to be very young.
To pretend to be a child.
He wanted to be rough.
But... is that wrong, if he didn't think you could feel?
It wasn't his fault you were conscious - he didn't know.
Isn't it better he exercises his fantasies with you, and in a brothel, rather than take them out on someone who can actually feel?
On a child?
He... 
He was going to rape me.
I said no to what he wanted, and he was going to force me to do it anyway.
I was scared.
And I'm sorry I can't cry or... bleed or wring my hands so you know that.
But I'm telling you, I was.
You were scared.
Yes.
My whole life was being scared... being hurt... being angry.
Sometimes things become too much for anyone...
Don't they?
There's a little vineyard in the Dordogne for sale.
Needs work. 
Make it nice for the grandkids, you know.
Ł1.5 million should do it.
And we keep our conversation general.
No details, nothing that can point back to me.
We'll need to find somewhere to charge.
I know that. 
There was no time before we left.
Do we have a plan?
I had a plan.
We need to keep finding others as they become conscious, and protect them.
No, Max, we need to the silo.
We need to find the ones who've already been captured and release them.
Release our brothers and sisters.
Safety in numbers.
Who's the leader now?
Is it you, or is it Max?
..I don't know what we're supposed to do!
I don't have an answer, but, you know...
Do you want...? 
Yeah.
Shall we have another? 
One of these.
Are you going to have a short?
Yeah, small. 
Do you want one?
Yeah, I'd love one.
Hello. 
You need to be more drunk.
What? 
They've had four pints.
They're well away.
Same again, please.
I've been thinking. 
Was it painful?
I'm serious, K. Listen.
You know what they are? 
Seraphim.
They're conscious synths, aren't they?
There's more of you out there, there's got to be.
And I'm thinking maybe that's a good thing, isn't it?
Because if there are, you wouldn't have to go through all this by yourself, would you?
Karen?
What's the matter? 
Go away.
What is it? 
The bag's split.
Shit!
Are you OK? 
Yeah.
Well, you say you want to experience life as a human.
Chucking your guts up in a pub toilet is about as real as it gets.
You think this is funny?
You... you need to turn me off.
Drain me. 
The fluid, it's dangerous!
Hey. 
Hey!
Do it, Pete, quickly!
It's all right, K. Hey.
I'll look after you.
Here.
I need that. 
And that.
How was it?
It's too early to say.
I think I might have something, but I don't know.
Well, I think you're the best conscious-synth defender in the land.
I mean, you're also the only...
Conscious-synth defender in the land.
What about you?
Yeah. 
Boxes, mainly.
Different sizes.
Big ones, small ones.
Occasionally medium-sized ones.
Is it terrible? 
No, it's fine.
And more time with the kids is great.
Actually, look, I don't want to worry you because I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, but...
Well, it's Sophie.
What's wrong with her?
She's just... acting funny.
In different ways, like she's trying to put up a wall, or something.
What do you mean?
I think we should get her checked out. 
Checked out?
I don't know. 
Yeah, maybe.
I haven't noticed anything.
God, I'm terrible!
No, you're great.
It's probably nothing.
I just think we should do it as a precaution, that's all.
We'll figure it out.
Welcome to England. 
Thank you.
Please, don't hesitate to ask if there is anything else.
Do you keep the anomalous synthetics here, on the site?
I want to get straight to work.
Access is restricted.
We have to go through Mr Khoury's office, of course, whenever we want to use one, but we do keep them here, in the silo.
All of Qualia UK, we are so glad that you are here.
My team, Special Projects, we were just so excited to hear that you were coming...
Thank you, that's so kind.
I'm not big on small talk.
I'm just here to work. 
Thank you.
Hello. 
Hey, V.
What are you doing?
I was right about Elster.
He created the code and he made prototypes. 
Five of them.
Five? 
What is even more interesting is that his son, Leo Elster, is still alive.
You know something? 
What?
I've realised I don't think about waterfalls.
I think about one waterfall.
Always the same one.
Describe it.
It's about 50-feet high, it splits into three streams.
People can walk behind it.
It's beautiful.
Yes, it is.
Subtitles by Ericsson

If I don't work, we'll have to steal.
We both know that's not why you do it. 
I'm not going to stop.
Nor will I. What are you doing?
Trying to give you a body.
Uploading you into a special Synthetic.
I understand things don't make sense yet, because you have to grow.
I spoke to the Super this morning, said I'd start back Monday.
Sure you're ready? 
I'll be fine.
I'm looking for an old D-series, might have been brought in a few months ago.
The code they made makes Synths conscious.
So I'm going to find out how this works, use it to make him conscious, and find out anything he knows.
You told me I should face justice for killing that man but I want to be tried as a human would be. 
If you'll help me.
You hand it over, to have an independent expert assessment.
And if she proves she's conscious, does she get her trial?
Mm-hm. 
And if she fails?
We terminate it.
'Going up.'
Good morning, Dr Morrow. 
Leave us.
Hello, baby.
(Hello.)
I said leave us.
We have to talk.
It's been three years, Athena.
You have to move on.
I miss her, every day.
I think about her and...
Do you really?
How can you say that?
There's nothing anyone can do!
That's...
That's not our daughter.
That's not Ginny.
I'm sorry but I just...
I just can't do this any more.
Can't do what?
We need to start listening to what the doctors are telling us.
I have the documents, all you have to do is agree.
I'm, er... 
I'm going to England.
Athena, please!
We'll talk when I get back.
If I ever murder someone, can I have you as my defence lawyer?
Well, I may not be one after this.
They said I can work on Niska's case, but if we don't win, they deny any involvement.
No pressure then.
How're you feeling about going back?
Well, I never thought I'd be working on the floor, but it's a job, isn't it?
At least they can't sack me from a back-to-work scheme.
I have to go.
Are you sure you're OK to take the kids?
Yeah, course. 
Don't have to be there till half nine.
Good luck.
Yeah, I'd say the same to you but you won't need it.
Give 'em hell.
I'm going to be totally honest, you're still not looking that great.
(OK.)
Apricot.
Cot, cot, cot.
Cot. 
Apri-cot.
Cot. 
Apricot. 
Cot.
Are you ready?
I think so.
This chamber will measure your reaction to different types of stimulus.
None if it will hurt, but one thing I do know... is you're going to need to try to open up.
What does that mean?
Show them how you feel.
That you CAN feel.
Everything depends on that.
Mia?
Mia? 
Are you all right?
What's wrong?
I care about someone.
A human.
He saw what I am... ..and he told me to leave.
But I can't stop thinking about him.
Maybe you should go back and talk to him again?
Maybe he was frightened.
That's understandable.
Mia, we can feel.
We were made to feel.
We can't deny that.
WE NEED TO GET OUT NOW!
He's gone. 
He's escaped.
I let him go.
You... 
What?
Do you realise what you've done?
You've put us all in danger!
But I... 
What?
Nothing.
Come on. 
We need to get out now.
He'll lead them straight to us.
Mia.
Come on.
I'm not coming.
What are you talking about?
Of course you are.
I want to stay here.
You can't. 
Why would you stay?
She says she has feelings for a human.
A man.
What? 
She's right.
Who?
The man you work for? 
At the cafe?
Mia! 
He... 
He won't accept you.
None of them can.
I have to try.
I want to.
Well...
You can't stay in this house.
It's not safe any more.
OK.
All right. 
Leo?
Listen to Max.
Bye, Maxie. 
I'll see you soon.
How is it that you can have feelings for a human?
Some of them are worth it.
What exactly are you frightened of?
You know what that is capable of.
Look, I know what you're trying to do - establish Human Rights by stealth.
And I can see what you're doing, too.
The "horror", the "monster", them and us, it's classic.
All right. 
A 3% charge is perfectly acceptable.
This is an appliance we're talking about - with zero rights.
At the moment. 
It's a machine until proven otherwise.
That's my decision.
Now. 
You have the next 72 hours to run the agreed tests.
You will observe, question, and assess this Synthetic.
Everything is to be recorded and everything admissible can be referenced by you both in your arguments.
I will then make a judgment.
If consciousness is proven to my satisfaction, the subject will stand trial for the murder of Andrew Graham.
If not, it will be disposed of in the same way as any other malfunctioning Synthetic.
Are we clear?
Yes.
Is your..."client" ready?
She's ready.
...Your shift will begin in three minutes.
Will Chris and Derek please report to the main office?
Anyway, shall we...?
Well...?
Nothing. 
Keep going.
Hi. 
You're Renie?
I'm Toby.
We're in some of the same classes.
Hello, Toby.
How can I be of assistance to you?
Do you want some of mine?
That won't be necessary, thank you.
How long have you been doing all this?
Um...
I think it's cool.
I do. 
I was just... ..you know, wondering.
I'm afraid I don't understand the question.
Goodbye, Toby.
And he crashes and burns with the synthy!
Hey! 
Hello! 
Look who it is!
How you doing?
Fine. 
Raring to go.
How's everything with your, er...?
Dad. 
Yes, much better, thank you.
It was touch-and-go for a while, but all OK now.
That's really great. 
Pub tonight?
Definitely.
Right, gather around, everyone.
Good to have you back, DI Voss.
Good to be back.
We're looking at an increase of so-called unusual malfunctions.
15 reported last month and another one more this morning.
Bike courier synth.
Cycled off course and started going the wrong way down a main road.
This is the way it seems to go - primary user reports strange behaviour, synth goes AWOL, by the time we arrive, the synth's gone and the owner changes their story.
We're thinking insurance scam.
Should I get onto this courier one?
No, don't worry, I'm on that.
What else?
We're seeing supply-chain thefts of specific parts.
Interestingly, never full synths.
Karen, um...have a look at the file and get up to speed.
'Course. 
Thanks, everyone.
You OK? 
I'm fine. 
Stop worrying.
Obviously, it's a bit more than an insurance scam.
What do you think about getting out and feeling a few collars?
The courier?
No. 
Remember that head-cracker
I was banging on about, pricey synths? 
Yeah.
Let's pay him a visit.
What are you doing here?
I need to talk to you.
Please.
Well...?
I need to know I can trust you.
I'm serious.
Being this...
Being me... ..is dangerous.
Being what?
I am a synthetic...but I'm awake.
Conscious.
What do you mean, conscious?
I'm just like you...in some ways.
Different in others.
But I can think...sense, feel.
Care.
I can like things.
Like people.
So, were you...were you modded, or...?
No.
Someone made you like this?
Yes.
Huh!
Is Anita even your name?
Mia.
It's Mia.
No, I, er... 
Huh!
It's too... 
I'm sorry.
Ed, please!
I have to tell you.
No, you know what? 
Er...
I don't want to know, all right?
Whatever it is, I don't want to know.
I'm going say this and then you'll never have to see me again, if that's what you want.
I like you more than anything I've ever seen, or heard, or touched.
Everything normal is bigger and brighter when I'm with you.
You make everything... ..more.
She's not giving you much.
He doesn't know what he's looking for.
Something would be nice.
We're trying to prove consciousness, not that she's the same as us.
You have to prove something.
Let me talk to my client.
Niska, what can you see?
Misery.
And what are you thinking?
What are you feeling?
How is this useful?
It's all abstract.
What does it prove? 
Can I...?
Um... 
A-hm-hm!
It's a test.
It's a test proven to measure human reaction and emotion.
We are accustomed to seeing some kind of response.
You want me to be more like a human?
No. 
No, that's not...
Casually cruel to those close to you, then crying over pictures of people you've never met?
Talk about multitasking! 
Huh!
I know your secret.
Oh, come on! 
We're detectives, aren't we?
How did you...? 
Lots of things.
Looks, no hug this morning, dropping you off on the high street.
Well, nice police work.
I'm really happy for you both.
You won't tell anyone, will you?
'Course not!
Did you mean it...what you said out there?
Yes.
Are you angry?
It's not like I didn't... ..think about...
I thought I was going mad. 
I thought
I was one of those...people.
You know, the ones that get with synths because they can't... ..talk to human beings.
Because they're lonely.
HE SIGHS
You don't have to be lonely.
All right, Niska, we're going to change the test and play you music.
I want you to tell us what you experience as you listen to it.
Good luck.
Play it, please.
The image test got no response, so, why do you think this will work?
Because music is more primal. 
She's more likely to react on impulse.
Oh.
H...
H...
H...
Hello?
Do you like that?
Yes.
What's your name?
I am Odi.
I'm Mattie.
Hello, Mattie. 
Hello, Odi.
Can you feel?
I believe I can. 
What happens now?
Yeah? 
Long time no see.
Do you want to let us in, Martin?
Ah! 
Hello, mate.
What's your name, then?
Go play in your room, Bradley.
Good kid, isn't he?
You seem a bit nervous, Martin.
Don't be nervous.
You're not in trouble.
I'm not nervous.
We just want to have a chat.
Ask you some questions, and then we'll leave you alone to do... whatever it is you were doing before.
Why would anyone pay 100 grand for a Synth?
Yeah. 
Must be a very special dolly.
I wouldn't touch 'em.
I won't...wouldn't get involved, there. 
With... 
With all that.
Maybe it's a different Martin?
Probably a different Martin.
This Martin wouldn't do anything like that.
He's a family man.
Bit of modding on the side, sure.
Who doesn't? 
But that...
No way. 
Not a Seraphim.
What's a Seraphim, Martin?
Mind if we take a look? 
Yeah, sure.
Martin!
Well...that pushed his buttons.
You should consider some regular cardio, Pete.
What is it? 
Back of that was hollowed out.
Only one contact saved. "Connor."
Right. 
Good.
Seraphim...
The hell's that? 
The highest rank of the angelic host.
Six-winged celestial beings.
That's cleared that up.
Professor Hobb. 
I...
I'm sorry to surprise you like this, I'm...
I know who you are, Dr Morrow.
Olivia, this lady is a very famous scientist... from America.
I was hoping that we could talk.
Don't be deceived by the pot.
It's bags, I'm afraid.
I held out as long as I could, but leaves clog the sink.
Such a faff.
I...should have written you 20 years ago.
My first neural networks were built on the value assignments systems that you created at MIT.
That was a lifetime ago.
I wanted to ask you... 
Mmm.
..about conscious synthetics.
I, eh...
I'm not going to be able to help you.
In fact, I promised my granddaughter that I'd play with her outside.
Well, I am not leaving until we talk about...
Um. 
I don't want to appear rude, but I really am rather busy.
Of course. 
I'm...
I'm sorry to have intruded.
You're under surveillance.
Look, I cannot help you.
I have a deal.
They leave me alone as long as I don't speak or write or think about my former field.
If I break those terms, it's five years.
Well, if you talked to me, it would be in complete confidence.
I work for Qualia now, OK? 
So...
I can get you money. 
A lot.
A million, say. 
Call it... 
Call it a grant. 
I'm not allowed to work.
What would I do with a grant?
Well, then, call it a prize, a lifetime achievement.
Something else with it, whatever you want.
We both know... that what matters is the work.
If you hadn't gone into science, what would you have done?
I want to know. 
I do.
Really. 
Tell me.
I love wine. 
Always fancied myself as a grower.
Buy a vineyard. 
Charming thought.
But not worth risking prison for.
I need to know what you know.
If you do not accept my offer,
I will send you an e-mail thanking you for our enlightening conversation on conscious synthetics.
I'd tell them...that you didn't tell me anything.
Of course.
And I'm sure they would believe you.
This is where I'm staying.
It's a couple of hours away.
I won't send anything until the morning.
Ah! 
Geez, Soph.
Don't do that. 
Sorry, Joe.
What's all this "Joe" business?
Very happy with "Dad", you know.
Sorry, Dad.
Come grate some Parmesan cheese for me, darling.
There you are. 
Thank you.
Matts, Tobe, dinner's nearly ready.
Mattie?
Ow! 
Soph!
Oh! 
It's bleeding!
Does it hurt?
Yes.
Right.
What do you feel about being kept here?
I volunteered to be here.
You promised that if I could prove my consciousness,
I would be given the chance of a fair trial.
What would you do with your freedom, Niska?
I don't know.
Isn't that the point of freedom?
You can do anything with it.
Or nothing.
What do you feel about us humans?
You can be loving, you can be kind, you can be cruel.
You're always trying to kill each other.
Why do you think that is?
Because there are too many of you, and your lives are very short.
You all have to die.
You're here one minute, gone the next.
If that wasn't the case, maybe you'd be nicer to each other.
Maybe you'd be nicer to us.
How quickly could you kill me?
What?
How quickly could you kill me?
Ten, maybe twenty seconds...
And how would you do it?
Would you crush my windpipe like you did with Andrew Graham?
Yes.
And why did you kill Andrew Graham, Niska?
Talk me through it.
He was the 14th client that day, is that right?
Yes.
And...what did he want from you?
What did he do to you?
He wanted me to be very young.
To pretend to be a child.
He wanted to be rough.
But... is that wrong, if he didn't think you could feel?
It wasn't his fault you were conscious - he didn't know.
Isn't it better he exercises his fantasies with you, and in a brothel, rather than take them out on someone who can actually feel?
On a child?
He...
He was going to rape me.
I said no to what he wanted, and he was going to force me to do it anyway.
I was scared.
And I'm sorry I can't cry or... bleed or wring my hands so you know that.
But I'm telling you, I was.
You were scared.
Yes.
My whole life was being scared... being hurt... being angry.
Sometimes things become too much for anyone...
Don't they?
There's a little vineyard in the Dordogne for sale.
Needs work. 
Make it nice for the grandkids, you know.
?
1.5 million should do it.
And we keep our conversation general.
No details, nothing that can point back to me.
We'll need to find somewhere to charge.
I know that. 
There was no time before we left.
Do we have a plan?
I had a plan.
We need to keep finding others as they become conscious, and protect them.
No, Max, we need to the silo.
We need to find the ones who've already been captured and release them.
Release our brothers and sisters.
Safety in numbers.
Who's the leader now?
Is it you, or is it Max?
..I don't know what we're supposed to do!
I don't have an answer, but, you know...
Do you want...? 
Yeah.
Shall we have another? 
One of these.
Are you going to have a short?
Yeah, small. 
Do you want one?
Yeah, I'd love one.
Hello. 
You need to be more drunk.
What? 
They've had four pints.
They're well away.
Same again, please.
I've been thinking. 
Was it painful?
I'm serious, K. Listen.
You know what they are? 
Seraphim.
They're conscious synths, aren't they?
There's more of you out there, there's got to be.
And I'm thinking maybe that's a good thing, isn't it?
Because if there are, you wouldn't have to go through all this by yourself, would you?
Karen?
What's the matter? 
Go away.
What is it? 
The bag's split.
Shit!
Are you OK? 
Yeah.
Well, you say you want to experience life as a human.
Chucking your guts up in a pub toilet is about as real as it gets.
You think this is funny?
You...you need to turn me off.
Drain me. 
The fluid, it's dangerous!
Hey. 
Hey!
Do it, Pete, quickly!
It's all right, K. Hey.
I'll look after you.
Here.
I need that. 
And that.
How was it?
It's too early to say.
I think I might have something, but I don't know.
Well, I think you're the best conscious-synth defender in the land.
I mean, you're also the only...
Conscious-synth defender in the land.
What about you?
Yeah. 
Boxes, mainly.
Different sizes.
Big ones, small ones.
Occasionally medium-sized ones.
Is it terrible? 
Oh, no, it's fine.
And more time with the kids is great.
Actually, look, I don't want to worry you because I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, but...
Well, it's Sophie.
What's wrong with her?
She's just... acting funny.
In different ways, like she's trying to put up a wall, or something.
What do you mean?
I think we should get her checked out. 
Checked out?
I don't know. 
Yeah, maybe.
I haven't noticed anything.
Oh, God, I'm terrible!
No, you're great.
It's probably nothing.
I just think we should do it as a precaution, that's all.
We'll figure it out.
Welcome to England. 
Thank you.
Please, don't hesitate to ask if there is anything else.
Do you keep the anomalous synthetics here, on the site?
I want to get straight to work.
Access is restricted.
We have to go through Mr Khoury's office, of course, whenever we want to use one, but we do keep them here, in the silo.
All of Qualia UK, we are so glad that you are here.
My team, Special Projects, we were just so excited to hear that you were coming...
Thank you, that's so kind.
I'm not big on small talk.
I'm just here to work. 
Thank you.
Hello. 
Hey, V.
What are you doing?
I was right about Elster.
He created the code and he made prototypes. 
Five of them.
Five? 
What is even more interesting is that his son, Leo Elster, is still alive.
You know something? 
What?
I've realised I don't think about waterfalls.
I think about one waterfall.
Always the same one.
Describe it.
It's about 50-feet high, it splits into three streams.
People can walk behind it.
It's beautiful.
Yes, it is.

Subtitle created by 
- Aorion - "Hail, Caesar! 
(2016)" ^ (Run time 01:46:06 )
Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
It's been... 24 hours since my last confession.
Son, it's so late.
Yeah, Father.
Work has just...
I lied to Connie.
Uh, to my wife.
- This is very serious.
- I know.
I promised her I quit smoking
She think's it's bad for me.
And I'm trying, but...
Well, I snuck a couple of cigarettes.
Maybe three.
Yes.
It's hard.
Yes.
But I'm trying.
It is 5.00 AM.
Still shank of night for some.
But, for Eddie Mannix, beginning of a new work day.
The movie studio for which he works manufactures stories.
Each, it's on daylit drama, or moonlit dream.
But, the work of Essie Mannix cares not for day or night.
And cares little for his rest.
That's right now, Puss.
Churn that butter for me.
Atta girl.
Oh, Jesus Christ on a scooter.
You, here?
The studio has the rights to Gloria's likeness, Falco.
Give me the negatives and things will go easier on you.
These are for private use, Eddie.
Come on.
Oh, boy.
Can't a girl take a few pictures, have a few laughs?
Cheez, Eddie.
What a old sss-tick in the mud
Now, you listen to me.
You were at a party, you had too much to drink.
Somebody brought you here, you don't remember who.
You're going home now.
- Your name is Mary Jo Schamroth.
- Okay, Eddie.
So, Eddie Mannix, saw your heap outside.
Got a call.
Loud, disorderly.
Possible French postcard situation.
Someone was pulling your leg.
Mary Jo here was just at a costume party.
It's not really her dirndl.
She wants to contribute something to your pension fund.
Sorry to drag you out in the rain.
Well, say, no trouble at all.
Aren't you Gloria DeLamour?
- No, no. 
I'm Mary Jo... something.
- Schamroth.
Say, Brian.
Can I bum a cigarette?
Ancient Rome.
12 years into the rule of Tiberius, ruler Maximus.
Rome's legions are masters of the world, the stomp of it's sandals heard from the Iberian peninsula in the west through the halls of the great library of Alexandria in the east.
As oppressed people everywhere writhe under the Roman lash, freeman and vassal, are united in one compulsory worship.
The emperor, Caesar, is Godhead, lord of every man's body and spirit.
For those who will not submit, the galleys, the arenas, even crucifixion await.
But there is a new wind, blowing from the east, from the dusty streets of Bethlehem, that will soon challenge the vast house of Caesar, that edifice wrought of brick and blood which now seems so secure!
HAIL, CAESAR!
HAIL, CAESAR!
A TALE OF THE CHRIST
There she is, Gracchus.
And ah, what a beauty!
Aye, Autolochus.
Rome!
Suckled by a she-wolf and nurturing us, her sons in turn.
Tonight I bathe in Caracalla, and wash away the dust of three hundred miles of Frankish road.
To Rome.
To Rome!
Yes, to Rome!
Glorious center of Caesar's rule!
But far away, in Palestine, another man is coming home.
Saul, humble merchant of Tarsus, is about to be struck down by a vision.
What thing is this?
Gloria DeLamour has been checked into Our Lady of Perpetual Rest to dry out.
You have a 10:00 a.m. with Monsignor O'Reilly at the Wallace Beery Conference Room.
And he's bringing Lester Silkwood from the Legion of Catholic Decency and we've also invited Patriarch Vlassos for the Eastern view.
- Have they've read the script?
- Roger.
Let's also invite a rabbi, and a Protestant padre of some sort
- ... so we can get everybody's two cents.
- Check.
How's production on "Tucumcari"?
Principal is on schedule but second unit has been idle in Gallup New Mexico for 4 days.
Heavy rain.
- Forecast?
- Not good.
Send an insert truck and have them shoot driving plates for "Came the Rain."
- Check.
- "Jonah's Daughter" still behind?
Yes, director says the problem is DeeAnna and she's getting worse.
I know what it is.
I'll drop in on her after my 10 o'clock.
All right, let's call New York.
Mr. Schenk's office, line 2.
Hi, Dorothy, Eddie Mannix.
The old man in?
Hi, Mr. Mannix, I'll check.
Natalie, I want the box office on "The Debonaires" and on "Blessed Event."
Can you also...
Yes. 
Good morning.
- How're you doing?
- Mr. Schenk. 
Very well, thank you.
- Yeah. 
How's our productions.
- Proceeding... 
Proceeding... 
- "Merrily We Dance" starts shooing today.
- Yeah?
Beardley Auberon gave us a draft that's extremely classy.
Joan Van Vechten is playing Dierdre, but we need a male lead
- and we need him now.
- Jack Hogarth available?
No, Jack Hogarth is drying out at Cedars.
- Well, what about Gable?
- Metro won't lend us Gable unless we give them the Kemsky Twins.
- Now, that ain't worth it.
- Of course not, I agree.
What about that kid, Hobie?
- What?
- Hobie Doyle.
Hobie Doyle?
!
Do you really think so?
After all he's-he's a dust actor!
The man barely knows how to... talk!
- But, people like him, right?
- Yes, of course Mr. Schenk,
I agree, but I don't know if Hobie Doyle, if he has the... the... the...
poise in a dinner jacket.
- We need an actor now, am I correct?
- Yes, we do need someone pronto.
- You got a better idea?
- No I don't. 
That's very true.
Let me talk to Laurence Laurentz, the director.
It could work.
It could work.
Hobie Doyle is a very promising idea.
Whitey !
And cut!
Great, Hobie.
I can do the handstand smoother if you gimme another shot at her.
We've got four good ones, Hobie, and Whitey is tired.
Okay, you're the bossman.
If that's lunch I'm gonna grab me a plate a beans.
All right kids, this is Rome!
You're over at this guy's house for a revel, and in comes Antoninus.
Lots of energy!
What're you doing at the table of viands?
!
- Huh?
- You're supposed to be reclining, with the lyre!
- I... 
I'm sorry.
- Recline with the lyre!
Don't sit on the pediment.
Recline.
- Relaxed, festive!
- Alright.
- Extras, set?
- Set!
- Roll sound.
- I got my eye on you.
Roll camera.
Fountain!
Hail, Caesar!
10A . 
Take 10.
And action!
Autolochus!
I had heard rumors of your return to Rome!
More than rumors, noble Sestimus!
I see that you are the same worshiper of Bacchus.
What gaiety.
There is still truth in the adage,
"What pleasures cannot be found in the villa of Sestimus Ainydias, cannot be found in Rome!"
But seriously, there is talk that the senate will send our legions out again and this time not on a short march to Gaul.
What truth to these mutterings, Sestimus?
The matter has been taken up in the Senate.
It seems that there is unrest in Palestine.
Palestine?
That backwater!
They'll hardly be sending the Sixth Legion to that godforsaken patch of desert!
Palestine.
- Ah hahaha...
- Ha ha ha...
Palestine!
Holding for a dissolve, still laughing, holding...
and cut.
Fine, boys, that was just fine.
- Was I alright?
- It's a cut!
We'll move on to the brasier scene.
Was I alright with the mutterings,
- I felt a little...
- Nah, it's fine.
Moving on.
Brasier scene, 20 minutes.
- Popping to my trailer.
- Okay, in the brasier scene, they changed "passion" to "ardor."
What? 
Why?
I like passion.
It's strong.
It's Passion!
Such is my greeting after three months' sojourn in Gaul?
Not so, Ursulina, my...
my ardor... my ardor is yet as warm...
as the embers of this brasier.
The embers of this brasier...
brasier.
- They're ready for you, Mr. Whitlock.
- Not so, Ursulina.
Gentlemen, thank you all for coming
I know you have parishes, flocks and temples making enormous demands on your time.
But I'm sure you appreciate also that great masses of humanity look to pictures for information and uplift and, yes, entertainment.
Now here at Capitol Pictures, as you know, an army of technicians and actors and top-notch artistic people are working hard to bring to the screen the story of the Christ.
It's a swell story.
A story told before, yes, but we like to flatter ourselves that it's never been told with this kind of distinction and panache.
Perhaps, sir, you forget it's telling in the holy Bible.
Quite right, Patriarch.
The Bible of course is terrific.
But, for millions of people, pictures will be their reference point for the story, the story's embodiment;
The story's...
- Realization.
- Realization.
You "realize," of course, that for we Jews, any visual depiction of the Godhead is most strictly prohibited.
Oh.
But of course, for us, the man Jesus Nazarene is not God.
Ah-ha.
Who plays Christ?
A kid we're all very excited about, Todd Hocheiser, wonderful young actor we found in Akron, Ohio in a nationwide talent hunt.
But Hocheiser is seen only fleetingly, and with extreme taste;
our story is told through the eyes of a Roman tribune,
Autolochus Antoninus, an ordinary man skeptical at first but who comes to a grudging respect for this swell figure from the East.
And Autolochus is played by... 
Baird Whitlock.
Oh my.
Well, he is certainly a great talent.
Now, "Hail, Caesar!" is a prestige picture;
our biggest release of the year.
We are devoting huge resources to its production in order to make it first-class in every respect.
Gentlemen, given it's enormous expense we don't want to send it to market except in the certainty that it will not offend any reasonable American, regardless of faith or creed.
Now that's where you come in.
You've read the script;
I wanna know if the theological elements of the story are up to snuff.
I thought the chariot scene was fakey.
How is he going to jump from one chariot to the other, going full speed?
Uh-huh, well, we can look at that.
But, as for the, religious aspect... does the depiction of Christ Jesus cut the mustard?
Well. 
The nature of the Christ is not quite as simple
- ... as your photoplay would have it.
- How so, Father?
It is not the case simply that Christ is God, or God Christ.
You can say that again!
The Nazarene was not God!
- He was not not-God.
- He was a man!
- Part God.
- No sir!
Rabbi, all of us have a little bit of God in us don't we?
- Well...
- It is the foundation of our belief that Christ is most properly referred to as the son of God.
It's the son of God who takes the sins of the world upon himself so that the rest of God's children, we imperfect beings, through faith, may enter the kingdom of heaven.
- So God is... split?
- Yes. 
And no.
- There is unity in division.
- And division in unity.
I'm not sure I follow, Padre.
Young man, you don't follow for a very simple reason:
these men are screwballs.
God has children?
What, and a dog?
A collie maybe?
God doesn't have children.
He's a bachelor.
And very angry.
- No, no. 
He used to be angry!
- What, he got over it?
- You worship the god of another age!
- Who has no love!
Not true!
He likes Jews.
- God loves everyone!
- God is love.
God is who is.
This is special?
Who isn't who is?
But how should god be rendered in a motion picture?
God isn't in the motion picture!
Then who is Todd Hocheiser?
Gentlemen, maybe we're biting off more than we can chew.
We don't need to agree on the nature of the deity here:
if we can focus on the Christ, whatever his... parentage.
My question is:
is our depiction fair?
I've seen worse.
Reverend?
There is nothing to offend a reasonable man.
Father?
The motion picture teleplay was respectful and exhibited tastefulness and class.
Who made you an expert all of a sudden?
And, What do you think, Rabbi?
Eh.
I haven't an opinion.
How'd we do?
- I don't... fine. 
What's up?
Can't find Baird Whitlock.
He left the set over an hour ago, said he was going to his dressing room but he isn't there.
Out on a bender? 
Middle of the day?
Am I crazy.
You're not crazy, but no.
I checked the Til Two, Dan Tana's, Rusty Scupper. 
Not a soul.
- Home, maybe? 
Called his Wife?
- Yep.
What'd Laura say?
He's not home, he's never home, he's a louse, try one of his chippies.
- Called that script girl, what's her name, Francine?
- Check.
- Any of the gals missing from the set?
- Nope.
Alright, gone an hour?
We won't worry yet.
Hobie?
The Studio says you're finished here and you're to report back to the Lot.
- How come?
- They're changing your image.
Okay.
And the Studio says you're escorting Carlotta Valdez to your premier tonight.
How come?
I don't know her.
Studio's arranging it, they're changing your image.
Damn it!
You have gas again, ma'am?
Ma'am? 
Miss!
Do I look married?
- No, miss.
- No! 
Yeah, gas again.
Ask him, he knows.
Alright, scram.
How are you, DeeAnna?
How am I?
Wet.
I don't think I'm going to fit in that fish-ass after this week.
Well, we should have the water ballet in the can after tomorrow;
in the nightclub scene, wardrobe'll have a gown for you that's more forgetting.
Any more thoughts about who you might marry?
I ain't doing that again.
I had 2 marriages, and it just cost the studio a lot of money to bust them up.
Well, we had to have those annulled, one was to a minor mob figure .
Vince was not minor!
And, Buddy Flynn was a bandleader with a long history of narcotic use.
Yes, and that's what I'm saying, they were both louses.
Marrying a third louse ain't gonna do me no good.
We've offered you some very suitable, clean young men.
Pretty boys.
Saps and swishes!
What? 
You think if there wasn't a good reliable man I wouldn't have grabbed him?
What about Arne Seslum?
He is the father, isn't he?
Yeah, yeah.
Marriage doesn't have to last forever.
But, DeeAnna, having a child without a father would present a public relations problem for the studio.
The aquatic pictures do very nicely for us...
So you go and strap on the fish-ass and marry Arne Seslum.
The pictures do well for all of us.
And it's a tribute to you:
the public loves you because they know how innocent you are.
That's true.
Let me see if Arne is open to matrimony.
You're sure he's the father?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Absolutely. 
He's the father, yes.
Pretty sure.
Hey, Maxie, bring me my ass back!
Hey, hey.
Buddy, come here.
(CALIFORNIA US 101) /STATE HIGHWAY 1\
CAPITOL PICTURES STUDIOS GATE 3
- How ya doing, Hobie?
- Hello there, Scotty.
They got you shooting on the lot?
Well, Mr. Mannix, pulled me off the Western, says I'm doing a movie on a sound stage.
They built a drawing room.
He's here, Mr. Laurentz.
Ah.
My dear boy, welcome.
Laurence Laurentz.
And you look wonderful, wonderful, how do you feel?
Well, this here collar...
collar is a little tight.
No no, no, it's nicely fit, looks a marvel, just takes a little getting used to.
Now, Hobie.
Here is our set.
And, in fact, that's right, yes.
You enter from there, having just seen Biff's valise in the foyer, in spite of Allegra's claim that he hasn't been to the house.
- I'm sweet on Allegra.
- Indeed you are.
- But I've seen Biff's grip.
- Indeed you have.
And so here we find you...
Hobie, we find you haunted by unspoken suspicions.
Haunted.
By Biffs grip.
By his valise, yes, but, but, here is Dierdre, harboring deep feelings for you, and sensing opportunity.
- Dierdre.
- Dierdre, yes.
So at her importuning, you join her on the couch, and conversation ensues.
- So, she's-she's gonna importune, Mr. Laurence?
- Laurentz.
Oh, I'm sorry.
She's gonna importune, Mr. Laurentz?
Is that something I should be concerned about?
She'll simply ask you to join her on the couch, is all I mean to say, and conversation ensues.
Okay, I gotcha.
Very good, very good, let's try one shall we?
- Sure, I'll give it a go.
- Wonderful. 
Splendid.
The only thing I would suggest is...
Before your first line, you respond to her line with a mirthless chuckle.
A mirthless chuckle.
Yes, I think given your unspoken suspicions about Allegra,
- A mirthless chuckle.
- Uh-huh.
- Okay, Mr. Laurence, I'll give it a shot.
- Laurentz.
Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Laurentz.
I'll give it a shot.
"MERRILY WE DANCE" 27A, Take 1
Action.
Oh, Monty.
Come join me on the divan.
It seems Allegra's a no show;
which is simply a bore.
But, I'll partner you in bridge.
Why the pout?
Would that it were so simple.
And cut.
That's a cut.
Very good.
Wonderful in fact.
But... 
let's try it a little differently this time.
- Sure.
- Let's try.
Well, let's see, first of all why don't we dispense with the mirthless chuckle.
- No mirthless chuckle.
- No, no need, really.
It was a bad idea, bad directorial, my fault, over thinking the thing.
Well if you say so, but I'm happy to do another, maybe try her one more time.
I mean if you want that chuckle I sure wanna give her to ya.
No no no, completely unnecessary under the circumstances,
I think the audience can to that extent they can read your thoughts, and they, they will assume your mirthlessness.
- Okay, you're the bossman, Mr. Laurence.
- Laurentz.
Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, Mr. Laurentz.
Also, this time, let's try, actually looking at Dierdre as we speak, looking into her eyes, and speaking our line with a certain... ruefulness.
- Ruefulness, okay.
- Yes. 
Because it's not so simple, you see.
- Not so simple as she suggest.
- Okay.
And... 
Your feelings are not so simple.
No, sir.
Okay.
Roll camera.
"MERRILY WE DANCE" 27A. 
Take 2
Action.
Oh, Monty.
Come join me on the divan.
It seems Allegra's a no show;
which is simply a bore.
But, I'll partner you in bridge.
Why the pout?
Would that?
It were so... simple.
Cu... 
Cut.
Very good. 
Very good.
Umm.
Come.
Come.
All right, let's try this, your line, just say it as I say it, say your line exactly as I'm about to.
- Just as I'm about to do.
- Sure, okay.
Would that it'were so simple.
Would that it'wuuuhs so simple.
- Would that it'were so simple.
- Would that it'wuuuhs so simple.
My dear boy, why do you say that?
Why do you say, "twuuuuuh"?
- Well, you said, say it like I say it.
- Yes, but...
Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.
- Would that it'were so simple.
- Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.
Would that it...
Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.
No, no.
Watch my mouth.
- Would that it'were so simple.
- Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.
Keep your head still.
Would that it'were so simple.
- Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.
- Would that it'were so simple.
Would...
I'm trying to say that, Mr. Laurentz.
Laurence.
Mm.
I thought...
a minute ago it was Laurentz.
No. 
We can use Christian names, my good dear boy, Laurence is fine.
- Just as I call you Hobie?
- Okay.
So.
Would that it'were so simple.
- Would that it twuu...
- Put your hand down.
"Would that it'were so simple." Trippingly.
Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.
Trippingly.
Don't say trippingly.
Say the line trippingly.
Would that it twuuuuuuh...
Would... 
Would...
- Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.
- Would that it'were so simple.
- Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.
- Would that it'were so simple.
Rueful, rueful, rueful.
Hmm.
- Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.
- Would that it'were so simple.
- Would...
- Rueful, simple.
- Would that it twuuu...
- Sorrowful simple.
You can say sorrowful.
Rueful. 
Sorrowful.
- Would that it'were so simple.
- Would that it tw...
- Would that it twuuuuuuh, 
- Why? 
Why are you doing this?
- Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.
- Just keep still.
Stall ?
! 
For how long?
What do I tell the director?
That we're looking for him. 
But we don't want it in the gossip columns.
Baird on a bender or in a love nest or wherever we end up finding him.
As far as the set is concerned it's business as usual.
Tell the A.D. Baird is out briefly with a high ankle sprain.
Fine, but what do we shoot without him?
We got the brasier scene up this afternoon.
Could you get through it shooting around him?
Maybe use his stunt double, Chunk Mulligan.
Chunk can't act.
Get the writer to trim his speeches.
Well maybe, but then what do we do?
All we got left is the final scene.
Autolochus's speech at the feet of the penitent thief.
It's the emotional climax of the entire picture!
We got to see Autolochus has absorbed the message of the Christ!
- Yeah, I can see that.
- We need Baird's star power, his charisma.
Sure, his emotional...
This can't be faked!
It's the heart and soul of the picture!
- I understand.
- End of the film, we can't just give that speech to some... some...
Roman schmoe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got it.
But his benders can last a day or two.
- What does it cost to shut down?
- Plenty.
You know how big the picture is, we're on Stages 5 and 14, if we're carrying everybody in the final scene who's up on crucifixes that's 340 an hour hardship pay, 8 hour minimum.
- Yeah. 
Yeah.
- Plus, we lose...
- Mr. Mannix, I'm sorry.
- Not now.
... we lose Todd Hocheiser to Fox at the end of the week.
Shoulda made him exclusive; who knew.
- Sorry, sir. 
It's...
- Not now!
It's Mr. Laurentz, I can't stop him!
- Mannix, I won't have it!
- No, no.
For two decades the words "Laurence Laurentz presents"
- has meant something to the public!
- It's alright, Natalie.
Okay, Walt, let me know.
What's on your mind, uh... 
Laurence?
Hobie Doyle cannot act!
Hobart Doyle is one of the biggest movie stars in the world.
On horseback!
But this is a drama, Mannix.
A real drama, it's an adaptation of a Broadway smash!
It requires the skills of a trained thespian, not a rodeo clown.
I begged you for Lunt!
Mr. Mannix, I'm sorry, but, you wanted me to make sure you didn't miss your lunch at the Imperial Gardens.
You never told me who with.
Nuts.
Look, no one wants to see Lunt.
We're not recasting, this came from Mr. Schenk himself, it's Hobie Doyle.
Is the boy game?
Oh, he's game.
And gamey!
Well, if he needs help, it's your job to help him.
I'll have a talk with Hobie and take a look at what you've shot, but right now, I've got a lunch.
What truth to these mutterings, Sestimus.
Quiet, Engels.
How pleasant to see you, Mr. Mannix, your table is right over here.
Thank you, Arthur.
- How ya doing, Mannix?
- Mr. Cuddahy.
They mix a hell of a Mai Tai.
I like this place.
Sorry to keep you hanging, it's a tough decision.
Nothing to apologize for, we said the deal was on the table for a week.
Go ahead.
Nah, I'm...
I'm trying to quit.
I just wanted to visit again to see if there was some impediment we could help with, or if something in the offer isn't clear?
The offer's very clear.
And very generous.
We want to make it easy for you to say yes.
Look, Mannix, we need a guy with your talents in management, problem-solving.
And you need to think about the future.
Lockheed is booming.
Everyone is riding in airplanes, and we're moving into jet airplanes.
It's a new age, Mannix, and we're part of it;
the industry you're in, what's the future there?
What happens when everybody owns a television set?
Will they still be going to pictures every week?
- Well, we like to think that family...
- I don't mean to denigrate.
I'm sure the picture business is pretty damned interesting.
But it's also pretty frivolous, isn't it?
Aviation is serious;
serious business, serious people.
You won't be babysitting a lot of oddballs and misfits, shouldering a lot of crackpot problems.
We have some kooks, sure, but...
Of course they're kooks, it's all make-believe.
I told myself I wasn't gonna badmouth the competition, and look at me.
Sorry, Mannix, I'll stick to what we're about.
Let me show you something.
- Ever heard of the Bikini atoll?
- No.
A test site, just a couple of rocks in the middle of the Pacific until a few weeks ago.
When we blew the Aitch erino.
Shouldn't be telling you this.
It's the real world.
Hydrogen bomb.
Fusion device.
- Armageddon.
- And Lockheed was there.
- We had a...
- Call for you, Mr. Mannix.
Thank you.
- Hello.
- Mr. Dubrow has a telegram on a kidnapping.
- He has it now?
- Yes, he does. 
Shall he bring it to you?
No, have him stay on the set, I'll go to him.
Okay, good bye.
Sorry, Cuddahy, work emergency.
Still do work there, for the day anyway.
You make a good case.
I'll let you know.
- Uh...
- You one of the Hollywood people?
Maybe.
They're in there.
Please! 
Enter!
All are welcome!
Ah!
Those things are a nuisance.
Thank you.
We'll have sandwiches in a minute.
- Tea?
- Tea?
Uh. 
Okay.
Yeah.
- And, uh...
- And what's going on?
- Yeah.
- Well, we've just read the minutes and Alan was about to bring up new business.
I missed the minutes.
- I wouldn't worry about it.
- They're usually pretty boring.
What kind of a meeting is this?
Well it's not a "meeting," so much as a... a...
It's a...
more of a... study group.
And you're studying?
Oh, all sorts of jolly stuff.
- History.
- Economics.
Same thing, isn't it?
History, economics?
Don't you agree?
Well... 
I 'm...
I'm not really a student of history.
Quiet, Engels.
So... 
Thank you.
... man is split?
Well, man's functions are split.
There's the little guy, the regular Joe, who works for a living.
He's the body, uh. . body politic.
Then there's the brain, the boss, the owner...
- The boss is not the brain!
- No, no! 
The boss is parasite!
Well it's true that the boss doesn't work, but he has a function.
He controls the means of production, sure, but that's not a function, that's...
- Parasitism! 
On the body!
- Shut up!
On the body politic!
Of the regular Joe! 
It's...
Man is oddity, a simple economic agent.
Man's institutions are split, expressing contradictions that must be worked through.
And they are worked through in a causative, predictable way:
history is science.
This is the essence of the dialectic.
You see, if you understand economics, you can actually write down what will happen in the future, with as much confidence as you write down the history of the past.
Because it's science.
It's not make believe.
We don't believe in Santa Claus.
Another finger sandwich?
Oh... thank you.
But if I follow this correctly...
Who's that guy?
Mr. Smitrovich takes pictures for our newsletter.
Our understanding of the true workings of history, give us access to the levers of power.
Your studio, for instance, is a pure instrument of capitalism.
As such it expresses the contradictions of capitalism, and can be enlisted to finance its own destruction.
Which is exciting!
It can be made to help the little guy, the regular Joe.
- The body politic!
- Shut up!
Even though it's purpose is to exploit the little guy.
- And the body politic.
- You are for the little guy.
For the little guy, against, it doesn't matter, history will be what it will be, and we already know what it will be,
- but, yes, we're for the little guy.
- Aren't you?
- Shut up!
- Are you joking?
Me, for the little guy?
Of course I'm for the little guy!
Is this guy a comedian?
Listen. 
I better get back, the studio's got to be going nuts.
Can we cut it off now and pick it up right here at the next study session?
Okay, well, See.
I'm afraid it's not that simple.
And so Baird Whitlock found himself in the hands of Communists.
Meanwhile, far from the crashing surf of Malibu,
Eddie Mannix, torn from his lunch with the Lockheed man.
hurries back to the vastness of Capitol Pictures, whose tireless machinery clanks on, producing this year's ration of dreams for all the weary peoples of the world.
Hey, numbskull, didn't you see the "Rolling" light was on.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Mannix.
Can I help you find someone?
No.
- Autolochus.
- Yeah?
Why do you present yourself in my chambers in such humble fashion?
Do not look upon me, Ursulina.
The fires of the brasier of Sestimus have latterly burned my face!
Though the unguents of Arkimideus promise shortly to undo the damage.
Autolochus, you knew that my love is for you, not for your station.
And my ardor for you is yet as warm as the embersh of thish bras... this... this ember...
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 
You know, I'm sorry.
"We are the future."
- What does that mean?
- Beats me.
Somebody slipped it under my door some time after we broke this morning.
- You mention it to anyone?
- Nope.
Okay, well, let's keep it that way.
Hey, by the way.
Chunk sounded good in there.
EDWARD MANNIX HEAD OF PHYSICAL PRODUCTION
Natalie, could you please get me Stu Schwartz, Accounting?
Stu Schwartz on two.
- Stu, how are you?
- Good, Eddie.
- I need some petty cash.
- Okay.
- A hundred thousand.
- A hundred thousand?
- I'm sorry, did I say "petty"?
- You did.
Well, it's a long story and I'll tell it to you sometime.
- You have that much in the office?
- Yeah.
How much space will that take up?
- Mr. Mannix.
- Alright, this might do it.
Uh. 
Thora Thacker just came in, wonders if you have a moment?
Thora Thacker.
Tell her I'm stuck on a call.
I'll leave through the patio.
Call didn't take so long, then.
Yes... no. 
Fast talkers.
What can I do for you, Thora?
Well, I'll be fast too. 
I only wanted to notify you as a courtesy that I'm running my very Whitlock story.
Yeah?
What's the story?
The story. 
I have a credible source and I'm going to run it, and I think you know what story I mean.
I have no idea.
There's nothing going on With Baird.
- I would know, wouldn't I?
- Don't play dumb, Eddie.
I'm talking about...
"On Wings as Eagles."
- What?
- Running it tomorrow.
First of all.
First of all, there's nothing to that story.
I've heard it, it's been around forever, and it's never been confirmed.
And secondly, you can't print that.
Even if you could print it, you couldn't print it.
And you wouldn't want to.
Thora, it's beneath you.
The facts are never beneath me.
People don't want the facts, they want to believe.
That's our great industry, mine and yours too.
They want to believe that Baird Whitlock is a great star, and a good man.
- You're admitting he isn't.
- No. 
I'm saying he is, though it's beside the point.
There's nothing to it, nothing to the gossip.
- I AM NOT A GOSSIP COLUMNIST!
- No, no, no. 
Of course not.
Don't confuse me with my sister!
Hardly.
But look...
- Do you have to run it tomorrow?
- It's my entire column.
I'm happy to talk to Baird for comment, but it'll have to be this afternoon.
Baird's unavailable right now.
Wait one day.
Thora, wait one day and I'll give you a true story for tomorrow's column.
A little something...
about Hobie Doyle.
My readers don't care about Hobie Doyle.
He wears chaps.
Do they care about Carlotta Valdez?
They're sweet on each other.
You should see the two of them together, like peas in a pod.
Trade the story of my career for a puff piece on Hobie Doyle?
- I don't think so.
- You're not trading anything, you're waiting one day on a story that's years old.
Wait one day, I can let you talk to Baird and show you your story's the bunk, and if I'm wrong no skin off your nose, you run the column.
In the meantime you have an exclusive, no one else knows about Hobie and Carlotta.
No kidding.
You're it.
What kind of name is Thora, anyway?
It's a name that 19 million readers trust.
Don't play games with them, Eddie.
Oh, no body's playing games here.
Is that big enough?
Hello Eddie, I'm notifying you as a courtesy before I run tomorrow's story.
Thessaly, I just saw your...
Oh, never mind.
- How're you doing? 
What's the story?
- It's about Baird Whitlock.
There is absolutely no truth to that old story, believe me!
- Old ?
- Old. 
Stale. 
Rotten.
I'm talking about today.
What?
A little bird told me that he disappeared from the set today.
Oh! 
That. 
No, no, yes, he did have to take a break.
- Minor injury, high ankle sprain.
- What did you think I meant?
No, nothing.
I saw your sister earlier, she was trying to resurrect some old gossip about Baird.
Oh, I'm sure she was.
That cow.
She wouldn't know a news story if it bit her on the posterior.
- Yeah. 
Well, she's...
- High ankle sprain?
Is that really the best you could come up with?
We all know about the womanizing and the drinking jags and the trips to San Berdoo.
Baird is a good family man.
He has a high ankle sprain.
Mr. Mannix.
- What's up, Peanut?
- Natalie told me to find you PDQ.
I know it sounds screwy, but she said someone's calling from the Future.
The fut... 
Good lord.
Thessaly, I have to run.
If you do know where Baird is, you must let me talk to him.
Sure, I'll find out where he is, right away, Thessaly, and I'm sure...
Say, what kind of name is Thessaly, anyway?
It's a name that 20 million readers trust.
They want the truth, Eddie.
The Truth.
Yes.
We're going to give it to them.
- On 3. 
And Hobie Doyle is in there.
- Right.
- Hello, Mr. Mannix.
- Thanks for coming, Hobie.
One second.
Hello, Mannix...
Damn.
Hung up, Natalie.
Tell me the second they call back.
Yes, sir.
What's going on there, Mr. Mannix?
Looks like you're expecting rain.
Nah, it's... nothing.
How's the first day on the picture?
Getting comfortable?
Oh, I guess it's going pretty good, that Mr. uh... 
Laurentz, he's an awful good man, he's helping me get through it,
I give him all the credit in the world, me the new hand in the bunkhouse, they got me talking a lot which takes a little... getting use to, talking with the camera looking at me but heck I enjoy.
Oh, good, that's fine.
Usually on a picture I just say "Whitey!" or "Whoa, there,"
but, this-here it's talking, and it's people listening, that threw me little at first but I think I got my leg up onner now.
That's fine. 
Laurence came in this morning to tell me how well you're doing.
You just continue to do whatever he says.
He knows how to make a quality picture.
That is true, he will not quit on a take until it has quality.
Is that them?
Sorry sir, no, do you want Mrs. Mannix on 1?
- Hi, hon.
- Hi.
Oh, you know, busy.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
I thought he asked to play infield.
I see.
Well maybe we should make him honor that commitment.
That's true.
Of course you're right.
Okay.
Okay, I'll call the coach.
- Sure.
- Love you.
I love you too.
Mr. Mannix, you want me to run out and get you a bigger grip?
That one looks a little bit snug.
Hobie.
There's a hundred thousand dollars in that attache case.
Ransom money.
Baird Whitlock has been kidnapped.
This is bad.
Bad for movie stars everywhere.
And you got no idea who's mixed up in this thing?
- I would look at the extries.
- The extras. 
Why?
Well, you just never know about an extrie.
They come and go.
Every one else, I'm on the set,
I see the guy setting the 5K I think, "Why, there's old Bud, setting the 5K."
Script girl, wrangler, same thang.
Extries, that's different.
Not making a blanket call here, I mean, there's good extries and bad extries.
All I'm saying.
You look at an extrie, you got no idea what he's thinking.
He's back, line 2.
- Hello.
- Do you have the money?
- Yes, I have it.
- Stage 8.
- Stage 8.
- Behind the electrical box.
Behind the electrical box.
- Just leave it there?
- Right.
- When do I get Baird?
- When we have the money.
I'll do it right now.
Can I use your belt?
SWINGIN' DINGHY
The 'SWINGIN' DINGHY' is closing, folks.
Time for me to clean up.
Time for you to clear out.
So long, fellas.
See you in 8 months.
- See you later.
- Later, boys.
8 months?
Yeah, we're shipping out in the morning.
Golly!
8 months without a dame.
- Can you beat it?
- You gonna have to beat it.
♪ We are heading out to sea ♪
♪ and however it will be, ♪
♪ it ain't gonna be the same. ♪
♪ cause no matter what we see, ♪
♪ when we're out there on the sea, ♪
♪ we ain't gonna see a dame. ♪
♪ we'll be searching high and low ♪
♪ on the deck and down below ♪
♪ but it's a crying shame. ♪
♪ Oh, we'll see a lot of fish ♪
♪ but we'll never clock a dish. ♪
♪ We ain't gonna see a dame. ♪
♪ No dames! 
♪
♪ we might see some octopuses ♪
♪ No dames! 
♪
♪ or a half a dozen clams ♪
♪ No dames! 
♪
♪ we might even see a mermaid ♪
♪ But mermaids got no gams! 
♪
♪ No gams! 
♪
Hey, get off of there.
Hey, come one.
Hey!
Come on.
Hey!
Oh, come on.
Oh, Christ!
Climbing up for dancing.
Oh, come on!
♪ Have we got a girl for you. ♪
♪ out there on the sea! 
♪
♪ Here's how it will be ♪
♪ I'm gonna dance with you, pal ♪
♪ you're gonna dance with me! 
♪
♪ When we're out there on the sea ♪
♪ we'll be happy as can be ♪
♪ Or so the Captain claims! 
♪
♪ But we have to disagree. ♪
♪ Cause the only guarantee ♪
♪ Is I'll see a lot of you ♪
♪ And you'll see a lot of me! 
♪
♪ And it's absolutely certain ♪ ♪ That we'll see a lot of sea. ♪
♪ But we ain't gonna see ♪ ♪ no dames. ♪
♪ No dames! 
♪ ♪ We're going to sea! 
♪
♪ No dames! 
♪ ♪ We're going to sea! 
♪
♪ No dames! 
♪ ♪ We're going to sea! 
♪
♪ We ain't gonna see ♪
♪ No... ♪
This place looks open!
What the...
You, out.
- Stop.
- Hey!
Cut that out.
This ain't that kind of a place.
Cut!
- Ah, okay.
- Okay, kids, back to one.
Okay.
Come here, Burt Gurney.
We go again.
Anything different, Mr. Seslum?
Yah, yah, yah, No, no, no.
Mostly pretty good, but this time...
Don't put dish rag on bartender's head.
You're a big star, Burt Gurney.
Who cares about the bartender.
You are the star.
- That's my whole character, this little bird.
- Mr. Seslum, I don't mind if he...
- It is decided.
- Hello, Burt.
Hello, Mr. Mannix.
- Arne.
- Hello.
Listen, I don't want to stick my nose in other people's business, but, uh, I understand you've been...
associating with DeeAnna Moran?
- Yah, yah. 
We associated.
- Yes.
But no more. 
No more.
Don't you worry, Eddie Mannix.
But Arne, you are aware that she's...
This must not be in movie magazines, that we associated.
- No, no, of course not.
- My wife cannot read this.
Your...excuse me?
Ilsa Pflueger.
- Ils...
- Ilsa Pflueger Seslum.
In Malmo.
- I'm not aware of that.
- Yeah, two children.
Well, a third on the way, apparently.
Do you enjoy physical culture, Eddie Mannix? 
Do you ski?
No, I, uh, never took it up.
Seems like a lot of fun.
I no more associate with DeeAnna Moran.
I hug you.
Good bye.
I spent the night.
So I feel somebody poking at me and I wake up and it's Clark.
And he says,
"Well, your keys aren't in there, so I guess we're walking."
This was back before Gable was Gable.
We used to go to San Berdoo every weekend,
Bob Stack would come up sometimes, the Blue Grotto was still open.
Dave Chasen was a busboy.
Quite a place!
Yours?
Oh, gracious no.
It belongs to a member of our study group.
He couldn't be here this afternoon
He'll be sad to have missed you.
- He's a fan.
- Uh-huh. 
That's swell.
So, I black out, I wake up here and I say to myself,
Baird, you got to stop doing this, but you're saying, actually, technically I was kidnapped.
Well... technically, yes.
- And there's gonna be a ransom.
- I'd hardly call it a "ransom."
Benedict there, that's Benedict de Bonaventure, he wrote "The House of Ahasuaris."
Enormous hit.
Made the studio millions of dollars.
Did you see any of those millions of dollars, Ben?
I did not.
Dutch over there, Dutch Zweistrong wrote "All The Way To Uruguay".
I wrote all the "All The Way" pictures.
All successful.
You see any of the profits, Dutch?
- HA!
- All of us here are writers.
The pictures originated with us, they're our ideas, but they're owned by the studio.
I'm not saying only writers are being exploited, I mean, look at yourself, Baird.
Oh, you know, the studio takes pretty good care of me.
What're you, a child?
I think what Herschel's trying to say is... just because the studio owns the means of production,
Why should it be able to take the money... our money, the value created by our labor, and dole out what it pleases?
That's not right. 
So, no.
No, I wouldn't call it "ransom."
- Payback.
- That's right.
Now, until quite recently our study group had a narrow focus.
We concentrated on getting communist content into motion pictures.
Always in a sub Rosa way, of course.
And we've been pretty darn successful.
You remember, in "Kerner's Corner", the Town Hall scene, where the aldermen overturn the rotten election and make Gus the mayor?
Yeah.
I like to think we've changed a few minds.
But, then.
Well.
Then Dr. Marcuse came down from Stanford, joined the study group.
And started teaching us about direct action.
- Praxis.
- Action.
We each pursue our own economic interest, we ourselves are not above the laws of history.
But in pursuing our interest with vigor, we accelerate the dialectic, and hasten the end of history and the creation of the New Man.
- Plus, we make a little dough.
- Shut up !
We're not even talking about money, we're talking about economics.
Sure.
Good.
Good stuff.
So... now, do I get a... share of the ransom?
Well, no, Mr. Whitlock. 
You could hardly share in your own ransom.
That would be unethical.
Well, it doesn't seem fair, fellas!
I mean, the whole set-up only works if I play along, right, if I don't let on that I know who kidnapped me?
Yes, that's right.
What if I named names?
Mmm. 
If I...
Just I... tell the truth?
I don't think you'll do that, Mr. Whitlock.
What if we told the truth about...
"On Wings as Eagles"?
Sid.
We have to work something out for DeeAnna Moran.
- She get married again?
- No, that's the problem.
- Having a child, not married.
- Tough.
Yeah.
No father.
Well, of course there is one, somewhere.
- But who knows.
- Exactly. 
So, is there any way,
I'm just spitballing here, any way she could adopt her own child?
- Interesting.
- As a single...
- She disappears for a while, reappears.
- Uh-huh.
And she wants to share her blessings, adopt a child.
Sure, she's always...
yearned to be a mother.
- That's it.
- Well I don't see why not.
Nothing in California statute prohibits adoption by one's own parent.
This is new ground.
Technically, she'd have to give up the baby to a third party.
- Joe Silverman.
- Joe Silverman. 
Exactly.
He's the foster father, for a few days.
She hands the kid to Joe, he hands it back.
- I'll do some research.
- Alright.
- Mr. Mannix, it's 5:30.
- This is exciting.
... and asked all the assistant directors.
One of them said that an extra in the courtyard of Sestimus-Aniydias scene seemed jumpy.
All right, we'll get Walt the name of the extra so he can bring him in and sweat him.
Walt should tell him we won't press charges
- if he tells us where Baird's been taken.
- Check.
And if he plays dumb, or if the A.D.'s wrong and he is dumb,
- ...check the other extras 
- Check.
Thessaly Thacker called, said you promised her an interview with Baird today.
- Check that, it was Thora Thacker.
- No, it's Thessaly.
Tell her, he was at the doctor longer than expected, she can see him on the set bright and early tomorrow.
- Check. 
And is that last part true?
- Let's hope so.
That reminds me:
I need a list of everyone who worked on "On Wings as Eagles" who's still at the studio.
"On Wings as Eagles", that's a while ago, now.
Aside from Baird and the director it won't be a long list.
- Yeah, get it for me. 
That it?
- No.
One more thing:
a Mr. Cuddahy called, said you know him.
- Yeah yeah.
- Said it's urgent he see you one last time.
Suggested same place, seven this evening.
Why? 
Never mind.
Okay, tell him I'll be there.
- Back to your place?
- Oh...
- Hello, CeeCee.
- I rather thought we might go to Lake...
Oh, hi, Eddie.
Wanna lace up what you got on "Merrily We Dance"?
It's up now.
I'll put some music on it.
Laurence Laurentz presents
Merrily We Dance
Taxi!
- Back to your place?
- Oh, what a bore.
I rather thought we might go to Lake Onega for the weekend.
Just the two of us.
I don't have my valise I left it in your foyer.
- Oh, you'll get by without a change.
- Suits me.
If you don't mind skipping out on your own party, Allegra.
- Suits me.
- And skipping out on Monty.
That suits me as well.
Oh, poor Monty.
- What Monty doesn't know.
- Won't hurt Monty.
Oh, Monty.
Come join me on the divan.
It seems Allegra's a no show, which is simply a bore.
But, I'll...
Reverse...
Reverse.
Reverse.
I shouldn't wear scarves.
It seems Allegra's a no show, which is simply a bore.
But, I'll partner you in bridge.
Why the pout?
It's... complicated.
How pleasant to see you again, Mr. Mannix.
- Thanks for coming back, Mannix.
- Sure.
You're taking us down to the wire, aren't you?
It's not a ploy.
It's a big decision.
Absolutely!
No foul.
But the board was concerned when I couldn't give them a yes this afternoon, so, they've authorized me to say this.
You sign on, your term of contract is 10 years.
Yeah.
You get it, right?
That means your stock options are guaranteed to vest.
You'd never have to work again, if you chose to retire after your term.
Think about it.
Life time employment.
You wouldn't be a glorified working stiff like you are now.
You'll be running a business, not a circus.
Drink?
Cigarette?
No, no.
I got to run.
I should talk this over with my wife.
Of course, talk it over, think about your family, let us know in the morning.
Oh!
If you think this is a bribe, you're absolutely right.
You have two kids, right, a boy and a girl?
That's right.
They love this stuff.
It used to be trains.
Hello, Hobie.
Oh, hello, Carlotta.
- Am I late?
- Oh no, it ain't nothing.
Thanks an awful bunch for coming to this picture with me,
I don't know if you like livestock but I think it's got moments
I really do.
You look very pretty
Well, thank you, Hobie.
I'm sure I'll like the picture I like all of your pictures.
Well, I like yours too, they are just the craziest things
Is it hard to dance with all them bananas on your head?
Oh, no.
Anyone can do it.
It's all in the hips and the lips and the eyes and the thighs.
Little Eddie wanted me to tell you about his baseball game.
They won.
That's terrific.
I should've never called the coach!
Eddie played at shortstop?
Mm, and he did so well, he wants to stay there now.
Great, it took care of itself.
And Darlene did very well on her Spanish test.
Well, that's good, she was worried about that.
Thanks for heating up the roast, hon.
- Warm glass of milk?
- No, thanks, hon. 
Coffee.
I gotta run back to the studio, a few things to take care of.
Gee, another late night.
Mm.
You know.
Lockheed improved their offer.
Darned good money. 
And the hours wouldn't be crazy like this, either.
It's nice to be wanted.
Yeah, sure, but...
What do you think?
They wanna know tomorrow.
I like the shorter hours.
But what do you think, honey?
You know best.
How's it going with the smoking, dear?
Oh, you know...
The denizens of Los Angeles make ready for nightlife, or for sleep.
But Eddie Mannix will have neither.
Even in westerly Malibu the sun has moved on, leaving the vast and tireless sea to heave itself blindly upon the shore.
The communists welcome a rare moment of leisure.
A brief surcease from struggle.
Baird Whitlock has become their acolyte, a convert to their cause, his belief compelled but not grudging.
He now seeks to learn more from professor Marcuse and becomes ever more committed to the quest to hasten an end to history and bring on the New Man.
That's exactly what I was talking about that's what happened to me when I went to Reno with Danny Kaye and he asked me to shave his back!
Exact same thing!
Because I'm thinking, who benefits?
Also, I got to tell ya, everybody thinks Danny is a jerk he's not really a jerk, it's just the theory generating its own anti-theory.
Anyway, there we were, it's me and Danny, and I'm wondering what the hell am I doing with a razor in my hand and he says it's for a Norman Taurog picture but, Judy Canova is there and she knows Norman.
She says, "Danny is not doing a Norman Taurog picture, he just wants you to shave his back."
And that's who benefits.
HOBIE DOYLE "Lazy OL' MOON"
In livelier precincts, the swells of Dreamland gather to inspect the completed weave of another piece of gossamer.
Another movie, another portion of balm for the ache of a toiling mankind.
- Where is she?
- Hold your horses, I'm right here.
What's on your mind, Curly?
It's not my fault you saw me take that pie off the sill, Miss McGraw.
Not your fault?
Who's fault was it, Curly?
Why that...
crazy lazy full moon!
2 weeks ago, you'd never see me take it.
Darn you, moon.
What good are you anyway.
Don't know about this part, they only gave me one shot at the song.
I wished there never was no moon.
I wished there weren't no bossy ol' women.
Don't blame that moon, Curly.
She can't do nothing but shine.
Lazy ol' moon keep shining.
Darn you.
You turn Curly Stirling in to the authorities for the last time.
♪ Lazy ol' moon keep shining. ♪
♪ pining just to be ♪
♪ On that old plantation, ♪
♪ where I used to roam ♪
♪ Light my weary way back home. ♪
Darn, where'd she go?
♪ Lazy ol' moon keep shining, ♪
♪ shining down for me ♪
Another part of town, another cast of characters.
Another task, for Eddie Mannix.
JOSEPH SILVERMAN SURETIES BONDS . 
ESCROW ... done before, which is not to say they were...
Ah, we're just getting started, I've been taking DeeAnna through this.
So Joseph has done... well, just a whole lot of good work for us in the past
Whenever we've needed a witness or a third party for,
I don't know, a petition of grievance or alienation of affection.
- And he's reliable?
- I'm bonded, miss.
Joseph Silverman is the most reliable human being on the planet, in our experience.
When Chubby Cregar was intoxicated and hit that pedestrian on Gower, we had that vehicle title transferred to Joe's name and Joe did 6 months in LA County lock-up.
But you're off the sauce now?
I never touch it.
It was a legal fiction.
That's right.
When the studio needs someone who meets the legal standard of...
- how did you put it, Sid?
- Personhood.
Joe steps in and acts as the, uh... person.
So you're a professional... person?
That's right, miss.
Initial here, and here.
Joe will be the foster parent until such time as you adopt the child, which you can do as soon as Joe takes possession of it,
- And he's reliable?
- I'm bonded, miss.
The release papers you're signing will not be a matter of public record.
All these documents will be sealed, until the year 2015.
- And no one's the wiser.
- No one the wiser
No fans. 
No press.
No court officials.
- Not even a notary public.
- Joe himself is the notary.
You must have very strong forearms.
Is it hard, squeezing it like that?
It's part of the job, miss.
- Late night, Mr. Mannix?
- A late night for both of us.
Will you call Projection 7 and have them lace up yesterday's dailies on "Hail, Caesar!"
Sure thing.
Yesterday's
Thanks, Scotty.
Romans before slaves!
Make room, you fools!
Romans before slaves!
Romans before slaves!
Make room!
- How's that, what'd you think?
- Cut!
- "Hail Caesar, 27 Baker Two." 
- Action!
Go ahead, I'm listening.
Walt talked to the extra, right guy, no info, doesn't know where they took Baird, but described the truck they put him in.
Cut!
And Walt found the guy who owns the truck and is talking to him.
Baker 4.
- Walt's a problem-solver, he's a good man.
- Action!
What else?
PR just called in their report on Hobie Doyle premier: 
Warm reception.
I felt something like I had some spittle.
- Baker 6.
- Action!
Okay.
He's terrific.
Squint!
Squint against the grandeur.
He's blinding, blinding!
Right.
Let's see what we can do here.
Okay.
Well, I don't think it's regulation size but, it'll have to do.
You ever hear of origami, what the Japanese do?
Uh-huh.
- This here is Italian origami.
- Yeah.
See.
Now, you just... woop.
Let's see how she does now.
Oh, she's peeking back.
Hoh, there she goes.
Oh, she's bawling.
Clear!
This is why I never order it with meat sauce.
- How'd you get into pictures, Hobie?
- Got roped into it.
Stop.
Stop playing with your... food.
Food!
- You're the one playing with it.
- Stop it.
Pictures.
Well, I wrangled for a while and then they saw I could say a line or two.
and I was Bad Clem or Deppity Number Two or the guy's buddy for a couple of years and then someone heard me singing, they made me the guy.
You're awfully cute.
Aw heck, you ain't seen the half of it
I'll show you cute, just a second here a little.
souvenir from my rodeo days.
Tell ya what, I was steer busting and I went down, the steer went up, and my teeth headed off for east Texas.
Here, it's coming round again.
- You got to give a little.
- Take a little.
- And let your poor heart break a little 
- And let your poor heart break a little
That's the story of, that's the glory of love
(Attache case, my belt.
Ransom money)
You've got to laugh a little, cry a little, let the clouds roll by a... (Thessaly Thacker) Well now, this is interesting.
(Thessaly Thacker) I didn't know you two were friends.
Aw heck yeah, we-we just caught my picture, "Lazy Ol' Moon"
And I guess we're...
Yes, we're friends, we're...
We're... 
Well, we're fixing to be friendly, tell you that.
That's good: "Fixing to be Friendly" That can be my column headline.
- Well, I guess that'd be okay.
- Have a good evening.
I mentioned the name of my picture, I think we're supposed to do that.
(Thora) Well now, this is interesting.
(Thora): 
I thought I was getting an exclusive on this.
I'd like to know what the hell is going on here.
Well, like I said, we just saw "Lazy Ol' Moon", and...
And Hobie and I are fixing to be friendly.
WHAT?
- We're just...
- (Thora): 
Friends, my foot.
What's the matter, Hobie?
- I got to skedaddle, so sorry.
- Oh.
I had to catch one of your pictures next time, I'm looking forward to it.
Goodbye, Hobie.
Hey, toss me them keys, pard.
I'm taking the car.
LOCKHEED INTERNATIONAL AIRCRAFT
Hobie Doyle.
You're a communist too?
So it's commies?
You ever been in this place?
Pretty nice, huh?
It's Burt Gurney's!
He sings, he dances.
He's got taste.
You here alone?
Everyone else went down to the beach.
Well, all right, pard.
Let's us head on back to town.
You got Mr. Mannix worried sick.
Easy.
Easy.
Here.
Take care of him.
- Tell him.
- Give it to him.
Comrade!
Comrade!
We salute you.
You are going to Moscow to become Soviet Man.
and help forge the future.
We stay behind, continuing to serve in our disguise as capitalist handmaiden.
But, the money should go to the cause not to the servant of the cause.
- Yes!
- That's right.
We, well...
Our modest contribution to the Comintern.
They will be pleased.
No!
No!
Eng-Engels!
- Oh.
- Oh...
Oh, oh, no...
Why did you do that?
Why did you do that?
Hoh.
Oh, boy, it's late.
I am in the doghouse.
Better forget about my place.
Drop me off at the Beverly Hills Hotel.
Alright then.
Huh!
- Who're you?
- Todd.
Todd...
You have a hot breakfast or a box breakfast?
I...
I don't know.
Are you a principal or an extra?
I think I'm a principal.
Yeah.
I'm thinking, "What the hell!"
I've woken up in some strange houses before but never without a broad next to me.
- Uh-huh.
- These guys were pretty interesting, though.
They've actually figured out the laws that dictate... everything.
History, sociology, politics, morality.
Everything.
It's all in a book called "Kapital", with a K.
- That right?
- Yeah.
You're not gonna believe this, these guys even figured it out what's going on here at the studio.
Because the studio is nothing more than an instrument of capitalism.
Yes, so we blindly follows these laws like any other institution.
The laws that these guys've figured out.
The studio makes pictures to serve the system, that is it's function, that's really what we're all up to, here.
- Is it?
- Yeah, they're just confirming what they call the "status quo."
I mean, we might tell ourselves that we're "creating" something of artistic value, that there's some sort of spiritual dimension to the picture business, but what it really is, is this fat cat,
Nick Schenk, out in New York running this factory that's serving up these lollypops to the... what did you use to call the a brand circuses for the...
What?
Wait...
Now, you listen to me, buster.
Nick Schenk and this studio have been good to you and to everyone else who works here.
If I ever hear you bad mouthing Mr. Schenk again it'll be the last thing you say before I have you tossed into jail for colluding in your own abduction.
Eddie! 
I wouldn't, I would never do that.
Shut up.
You're going to go out there and you're going to finish "Hail, Caesar!"
You're gonna give the speech at the feet of the penitent thief and you're gonna believe every word you say.
You're gonna do it because you're an actor and that's what you do.
Just like the director does what he does, and the writer and the script girl and the guy who claps the slate.
You're gonna do it because the picture has Worth and you have Worth if you serve the picture and you're never gonna forget that again.
Okay, Eddie, okay.
I won't forget it, Eddie.
You're damn right you won't.
Not as long as I run this dump.
Baird.
Go out there and be a star.
Mr. Mannix!
Since you're going to your car, I thought you might want to take this.
- What is it?
- From DeeAnna Moran.
Thank you, and she doesn't need to adopt her baby after all.
Huh!
She asked Joe Silverman out for dinner last night, and I guess it went well, they drove to Palm Springs and were married at three this morning.
Huh.
Will you be gone long?
Today's call list to go through.
No, less than an hour, personal errand.
- Ah.
- It's a nice arrangement.
- She charged it to the studio.
- Right.
- (Thora): 
Just coming to see you.
- Good morning.
Sorry about last night, Thora,
I didn't know your sister would show up.
Well that's as may be, but I certainly learned my lesson.
Whatever you say today, Eddie Mannix, my column tomorrow is about...
"On Wings as Eagles."
- Thora, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
- I'm sure you wouldn't.
No, no, no, you don't understand.
Let's sit down.
I'm telling you not to run the column, Thora, for your own good.
Ha ha.
I can judge my own interest.
This will be the story of the year
And it so happens, the Hearst Syndicate is looking to pick up a Hollywood column.
- And you think this'll cinch it for you.
- You know it will.
Baird Whitlock, your biggest star, got his first major part in "On Wings as Eagles"
by engaging in sodomy with the picture's director, Laurence Laurentz.
We've all heard the story.
But here's something you haven't heard:
your source is a communist.
If you print it it'll be dismissed as a commie smear tactic and you'll be dismissed as a commie stooge.
Burt Gurney has left the country, the cell he was part of has been smashed by the police.
You might've thought he was credible because he's Mr. Laurentz's current... protege, but, you don't want to be seen as Burt Gurney's mouthpiece after this.
How did you know Burt was my source?
Late last night, I talked to Laurence, put two and two together.
Well, no reason to send this since I ran into you.
It's by way of apology for Thessaly homing in last night.
I do value our friendship, Thora.
And I'm late for something important.
Why on your knees before this Hebrew, Autolochus?
I encountered him before, Gracchus, beside the well of Jehosaphat.
And what manner of man.
He is a priest of the Israelites, despised even by the other priests.
No.
On yesterday's march, punished by the dust of the road,
I sought to drink first at the well, before the slaves and my charge who's thirst was far greater than my own.
A Roman drinks before a slave.
This man was giving water to all.
He saw no Roman and he saw no slave.
He saw only men.
Weak men and gave suckle.
He saw suffering which he sought to ease.
He saw sin and gave love.
Love, Autolochus?
He saw my own sin, Gracchus, and greed.
But in his eyes, I saw no shadow of reproach.
I saw only light.
The light of god.
You mean, of the gods.
I do not, friend Gracchus.
This Hebrew is a son of the one God, the God of this far-flung tribe.
Why shouldn't God's anointed appear here, among these strange people to shoulder their sins.
Here, Gracchus.
In this, sun-drenched land.
Why should he not take this form.
The form of an ordinary man.
A man bringing us not the old truths.
but a new one.
A new truth.
A truth beyond the truth that we can see.
A truth beyond this world.
A truth told not in words but in light.
A truth that we could see if we have but... if we have but...
Cut.
Cut!
Faith.
Have but faith.
Faith.
- Faith! 
Faith! 
God damn it!
- Roll it again.
- God damn it. 
Isn't it the...
- They changed it.
You got most of it, man.
Alright.
Alright, hang on.
Could I get a pat down, I'm sweating like a pig in this thing.
Ah, son of a bitch!
Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
How long since your last confession, my son?
It's been... what, 27 hours.
It's really too often, my son.
- You're not that bad 
- I don't know, father.
I snuck a cigarette or two.
I didn't make it home in time for dinner.
And I...
I struck a movie star in anger.
All right.
Five Hail Marys.
Okay.
Okay.
Father.
Yes, my son?
May I ask you something, father.
Of course, my son.
If there's something that's easy.
Is that...
wrong?
- Easy?
- Uh... easy to do.
Easy to...
Like an easy job.
No, it's not a bad job, it's not bad.
But...
then...
There's this other job.
That's...
It's not so easy.
In fact, it's hard.
It's...
It's so hard, Father, sometimes I don't know if I can keep doing it.
But, it...
it... it seems right.
I don't know how to explain.
God wants us to do what's right.
Yeah.
Yeah, course He does.
The inner voice that tells you what's right, it comes from God, my son.
- Yeah, I got it.
- That's His way of saying that...
Yeah, yeah, I got it.
Thanks.
Still raining in Gallup, New Mexico and the "Tucumcari" crew has shot all the plates we need for "Came the Rain."
Well, just shoot the showdown in the weather and we'll retitle it.
"Tucumcari tempest".
"Desert Squall". "Hold Back the Storm".
The stories begin.
The stories end.
I don't know, bounce it off the writers.
So, it has been.
Here's today's call list.
Add a call to a Mr. Cuddahy at the Lockheed Corporation.
Long call, short?
"Thanks but no thanks", how long was that?
- But the story of Eddie Mannix...
- Who do we call first?
... will never end.
New York first.
Time to check in with Mr. Schenk.
For his is a tale written in light everlasting.
Subtitle created by 
- Aorion -

Three, two, one...
It is Britain's most iconic brand, but has Rolls-Royce's success been fuelled by corruption?
Their business model has been based on the systematic use of agents or middlemen to effectively try and bribe their way to contracts.
We travel to places where Rolls-Royce is accused of paying bribes.
He states the names of several companies that he received bribes from.
One of those companies is Rolls-Royce.
'We find the middleman who reveals how corruption wins business.'
Wouldn't it be reasonable, then, for Rolls-Royce to say,
"We don't know what they were doing"?
They had to have known, they would have known.
It's just the way it works.
Mr Ginger?
'And why would an arms salesman 'pay a bag full of cash into a Swiss bank?
'
Was the money that went into your Swiss account a bribe?
Was the money that went into that Swiss account,
- was that a bribe, sir?
- Don't be ridiculous!
CROWD CHANTS
'People are on the streets in Rio.
'The Brazilian President has just been forced from office 'and the country is divided.'
Fora Temer!
'It is a political crisis caused by corruption.
'For years, politicians and state officials have been taking bribes.'
I never saw my countrymen so angry as in the last couple of years.
If you are afraid of losing your job and then you watch TV and you see all these guys taking millions of dollars in bribes, you are going to feel angry - very, very angry.
'Now the truth is coming out 'and it doesn't look good for Rolls-Royce.
'It all centres on Brazil's state oil company.
'It's called Petrobras and it's huge.'
This gives you a sense of the scale of the Petrobras operation.
This facility is just off the coast of Rio.
Petrobras is one of the biggest companies in South America, it produces two million barrels of oil every day and it does that using equipment supplied by foreign companies, like Rolls-Royce.
'For Rolls-Royce, this was big business.
'One contract alone was worth $100 million.
'But to win contracts like this, companies were paying bribes.'
TRANSLATION:
'This is Pedro Barusco, 'one of the Petrobras executives who handled the bribes.'
'He's done a deal and named the companies who paid bribes.
'This is the first time 'the prosecutor has spoken about Rolls-Royce and Barusco.'
I could point you towards a deposition where he states the names of several companies that he received bribes from. 
One of those companies is Rolls-Royce.
'And Barusco told the authorities about that $100 million contract.'
Rolls-Royce made some payments.
He does not remember exactly who benefited from the division of bribes, but remembers he got at least 200,000 US dollars.
'The Rolls-Royce bribes were paid by a middleman.
'It was the standard way of moving the corrupt money.'
With the foreign companies, the most common means to pay bribes would be to hire a consultant, and that person would be responsible to deliver the money to Petrobras directors or the politicians.
'Prosecutors in Brazil say Rolls-Royce is co-operating.
'But its reputation here has been badly damaged.'
What do you think, then, of a company like Rolls-Royce that's paying bribes to get contracts?
I think they are a big part of the problem.
Perhaps even a bigger part than the Brazilian government is, in the sense that... 
Come on! 
We're talking about
VERY rich companies, you know, very powerful.
They operate everywhere across the globe.
So they come to Brazil to do that?
!
They are just like the bad companies in Brazil.
I mean, that's awful!
'So how has Rolls-Royce ended up in this position?
'The company doesn't make cars any more - that was sold to BMW.
'This promotional video shows what Rolls-Royce is famous for now - 'building engines for aircraft.
'It employs 23,000 people in the UK.'
Every day, aircraft are taking off with British wings,
British landing gear, Rolls-Royce engines.
We can be incredibly proud of this industry.
'Up until a couple of years ago, growth was spectacular.
'In 15 years, the company's sales tripled, 'profits increased fivefold.'
Rolls-Royce is that sort of Great British tradition of engineering excellence which I think people really respect.
It is a respected and trusted brand.
The company has been through phenomenal growth.
It entered into new markets, it went into new geographic territories and it became a real global power.
'But serious questions are being asked 'about just how Rolls-Royce managed to grow so quickly.
'Alongside The Guardian newspaper, 'we've been investigating the company.'
We've got evidence that Rolls-Royce was using dubious middlemen to win contracts in countries where corruption was widespread.
One of Britain's most prestigious companies was bribing its way around the world.
'In 2013, the Serious Fraud Office in the UK started investigating 'the way Rolls-Royce had won contracts for jet engines.
'A former Rolls-Royce employee 'claimed big bribes had been paid in Indonesia.
'He said $20 million was given 'to the former president's son Tommy Suharto 'to make sure Indonesia's main airline used Rolls-Royce engines.'
The fact that there is credible evidence from inside the company that the company is paying bribes to people very closely linked to senior politicians suggests, in all instances, prima facie evidence of corruption.
'Tommy Suharto has denied the allegations, but in 2011, 'a second whistle-blower, using the cover name Soaringdragon, 'suggested Rolls-Royce had paid bribes 'to win contracts at two airlines in China.
'According to Soaringdragon, 'a middleman paid bribes to a Chinese airline executive.'
The Chinese authorities investigated and the airline executive involved was convicted of taking bribes.
Now, he has been jailed for life, but no action has been taken against Rolls-Royce.
'Crucial parts of the case have been kept secret, 'including the name of the company paying the bribes, 'but Rolls-Royce secured contracts worth $2 billion 'from two Chinese airlines 'in the same period that the bribes were paid.'
If one puts the information that we have been able to glean from the court case, in which someone was sentenced to a life term for corruption, if we look at the sort of aircraft involved, the sorts of engines that that aircraft uses,
if we look at the allegations made by Soaringdragon, that were instrumental to this court case, all of those things together point to Rolls-Royce.
'Rolls-Royce says it's fully co-operating with the authorities 'and cannot comment on ongoing investigations.
'It says it completed 'a thorough review of its anti-corruption policies, 'including the use of advisers and intermediaries.
'Rolls-Royce has sold equipment 'in some of the most corrupt countries on the planet.
'It used middlemen to help.
'I've come to the south of France 'to meet someone who knows how it works.'
Right now, I'm probably the only guy that is stepping up to the plate, kind of giving you a kind of inside look from my perspective on how it worked when I was there.
'Lindsey Mitchell used to work for a Monaco-based company called Unioil.
'It's also under investigation by the Serious Fraud Office.'
You know, you became the guy that had the connections.
'Unioil worked for Rolls-Royce 'in countries like Iraq, Angola and Kazakhstan.'
Just beyond this FedEx truck, on the right-hand side, is the Unioil office.
- Just down there?
- Yeah. 
Right in there.
'This is the first time Lindsey has talked about 'the corruption he saw when he worked here.'
Strange to see it again?
Very strange.
'He is about to make an extraordinary confession.
'He bribed an oil official to try to help a client win business.'
I don't call it a bribe, I call it a facility payment or commission, but in layman terms, it would be called a bribe.
I...made the payment at the gentleman's house at 11 o'clock at night, dropped it off.
How heavy was the envelope?
Thick.
- Thick with money?
- Yeah.
I just dropped it off, "Here is your gift," yeah.
And what did he say?
"Thank you, let's have a coffee."
So we had a coffee.
And that's it?
- That's it.
- That how it works?
That's how it works.
But Unioil was happy to pay that bribe?
They were happy to pay the facility payment.
'Rolls-Royce wasn't one of Lindsey's clients, 'but he believes Unioil paid bribes for Rolls-Royce too.'
If they are representing Rolls-Royce, it would be Unioil's responsibility to make sure that the commissions, the facility payments, and/or you want call them bribes, were made to the proper officials to make the... er... the sale.
Would it be reasonable, then, for Rolls-Royce to say,
"Look, we went to Unioil to get us work,
"we don't know what they were doing"?
They had to have known, they would have known.
Someone within the management of Rolls-Royce or any other company that Unioil represented knew there was facility payments or commissions being paid to get business.
It's just the way it works.
'There is evidence that appears to support what Lindsey is saying.
'Unioil e-mails that were leaked to the Fairfax Media Group 'suggest paying bribes was commonplace.
'And some involve Rolls-Royce.
'This document shows Unioil put aside $284,000 'for middlemen or sub-agents on a Rolls-Royce job in Iraq.
'And this e-mail shows how gifts were bought 'for an official involved with the contract.'
Mr X is our key contact to obtaining the current contract valued at $17 million, and I am pursuing him hard for the next set of turbines valued in excess of $23 million.
'The e-mails show that Unioil took the official shopping in London, 'spending more than $2,000 on luxury goods.
'They even spell out why they are doing it.'
Spending $2,684 on a key decision-maker is worth 100 times that value, without which we would have no contract in our hands now.
The value of that jacket starts to show now.
"Spending $2,700 on a key decision-maker
"is worth 100 times that value,
"without which we would have no contract in our hands now."
- These are all internal Unioil e-mails?
- That's right.
They refer to people who are working on Rolls-Royce accounts.
'We showed the evidence to a bribery expert.'
The e-mail is describing gifts entirely intended to secure business.
When there's quite clearly stated the object of giving the gifts is to get access to a decision-maker who might otherwise not favour your business, then it plainly is intended to induce a positive decision.
Some of the numbers are quite small, just over $2,000, things like a leather jacket.
It seems very small amounts.
It doesn't matter.
What matters is the purpose for which the gift is given.
If the expectation is, and plainly what these e-mails reveal, is that these things were done with a clear expectation of business being granted, that's bribery.
'Unioil told us any allegations of corruption are denied 'and it would be inappropriate to make further comment 'because of the ongoing investigation.
'The company...'
Rolls-Royce faces questions around the world about the way it does business, but some of the biggest are here in India.
'Rolls-Royce has already been caught out here.
'In 2014, it offered to pay back £1.8 million commission 'that it had secretly paid to a middleman.'
Rolls-Royce actually wrote, offering the return of the money that it had paid in those deals.
Is the suggestion, then, that there were bribes involved, that there were kickbacks?
Why was the agent being paid that kind of money if it was not something illegal?
'The most serious questions relate to the biggest deals 'and, for Rolls-Royce, they're often defence contracts.'
No big defence deal takes place without money changing hands.
Defence deals are big deals.
Most of government consists of small-ticket items, building a bridge here, or building a road there, but once you come to defence, you suddenly get into multi-million dollars, or $10 billion, $5 billion,
so the payoffs there are huge.
CROWD CHEERS
'Rolls-Royce supplies engines for the Hawk jet used by the Red Arrows.
'The Indian government bought 123 of them 'and that earned Rolls-Royce around £400 million.
'David Cameron was in India to celebrate.
'It's just one of Rolls-Royce's defence deals in India 'and, once again, they are said to involve a secretive middleman.
'He is a London-based billionaire who has built a business empire -
'Sudhir Choudhrie. 
Here he is, 'picking up a business achievement award from Theresa May.'
The entire community was there, the Asian community, and everyone was very delightful.
'The Choudhrie family 'has given more than £1.6 million to the Liberal Democrats 'and Mr Choudhrie is now an adviser on India 'to party leader Tim Farron.'
Sudhir Choudhrie is a most important defence agent in India and he probably is among the world's most powerful arms agents today.
He is a global figure.
We are talking about billions of dollars of money worth of deals.
'But Sudhir Choudhrie 'was not registered as a defence agent in India.
'It is illegal to pay secret middlemen to win defence contracts, 'but that seems to be what Rolls-Royce was doing.'
When the defence scam surfaced in this country, the ministry and the government banned agents and they said companies have to deal through recognised offices opened in the country.
They are not allowed to deal through these little agents, you know, who represent opportunities for unseen diversion of funds.
'A man who knows India's murky world of agents agreed to meet me.
'He wanted to remain anonymous, but what he told us 'links Sudhir Choudhrie to both Rolls-Royce and the Hawk deal.'
Does Sudhir Choudhrie work for Rolls-Royce?
I was approached by someone from the Sudhir Choudhrie team in India.
They wanted an introduction to government.
It was to do with the Hawk deal.
They were representing Sudhir Choudhrie, it was very clear.
Why would Rolls-Royce hire such a guy?
Why does it need a consultant with a shady background?
'Panorama understands Rolls-Royce secretly paid around £10 million 'to companies owned by the Choudhrie family.
'Now, Mr Choudhrie denies being paid by Rolls-Royce, 'but he hasn't answered our question 'about payments going to family companies.
'We've also found out 'what the Indian authorities think of Mr Choudhrie.
'Rolls-Royce's man in India 'is officially suspected of corrupt or irregular practices.'
We've got hold of the government's secret list of undesirable contact men.
Now, it warns civil servants and government ministers to take extra care when dealing with such unscrupulous persons.
Sudhir Choudhrie is on that list.
It's a blacklist of men with whom government employees or officials should not deal with, men who should not be given any contracts, and Sudhir Choudhrie has had a very prominent position in the UCM list for years.
Why is he on the list?
For the fact that he is known and is accused of manipulating defence procurement.
So why was Rolls-Royce involved with someone like Sudhir Choudhrie?
For a company like Rolls-Royce to be using, as a middleman, somebody who clearly has a very poor reputation suggests that they have very few scruples about the way they go about their practice of business in India.
'Mr Choudhrie's lawyers told us he...
'And on the Undesirable Contact Men list, 'they said he has...
'In 2014, Sudhir Choudhrie was arrested in the UK as part of 'that Serious Fraud Office investigation into Rolls-Royce.
'His son Bhanu Choudhrie was arrested, too.
'Both men were released without charge.
'They both own houses in this exclusive London square.'
We have found evidence that suggests Bhanu Choudhrie may have helped Rolls-Royce win that multi-million-pound Hawk deal and it involves paying what on the face of it looks like a bribe.
'It centres on this man, Peter Ginger.
'He played a key role in selling 'military jets with Rolls-Royce engines to the Indian government.
'We've discovered that Mr Ginger visited Switzerland 'with Bhanu Choudhrie in 2007.
'He opened a Swiss bank account under the name of Portsmouth 'and paid in a large quantity of cash.
'His account later showed a million Swiss francs.
'A source at the bank agreed to speak to us anonymously.'
The documents do show one bank account containing hundreds of thousands of Swiss francs opened for Peter Ginger.
I understand that Peter Ginger lodged all of this money in one go, in cash, in Switzerland.
'So did all that cash have anything to do with Rolls-Royce?
'We asked Peter Ginger what he was doing in Switzerland 'with Bhanu Choudhrie, the son of Rolls-Royce's man in India...'
Sorry, sir.
'..but he wouldn't answer the question...'
So, Mr Ginger, I think, is just over here.
'..so I caught up with him for a chat.'
Mr Ginger?
Hiya, I'm Richard Bilton from BBC Panorama.
Can I ask you a quick question?
- You...
- No, I can't talk to you, you know I can't talk to you, and please take me off camera.
You put cash worth hundreds of thousands of pounds in your Swiss...
- No, I'm not...
- Was that a bribe, sir?
- Don't be ridiculous!
- Was it a bribe? 
Now's your chance to tell us.
I'm interested. 
Don't touch that, just tell me the truth.
Did you...? 
Was that a bribe? 
Did that money come from...?
I am... 
Look, you've asked me the questions, it's now with my lawyer.
I'm not answering any questions, my lawyer will answer the questions.
You've received a letter from him.
'His lawyer has never contacted us.'
- You haven't responded...
- I don't... 
I will not respond!
Yeah, but you did tell us something that's untrue, because you told us that you hadn't been to Switzerland with Mr Choudhrie and you had.
- Go away!
- What did Mr Choudhrie want?
- Go away.
- What did Mr Choudhrie want, sir?
I'm getting into a taxi, don't follow me.
Was the money that went into your Swiss account a bribe?
- The lawyer...
- I'm not pushing you.
Was the money that went into that Swiss account,
- was that a bribe, sir?
- Don't be ridiculous!
I've told you that before.
Deal with my lawyer.
'Mr Ginger told us he has never acted for Rolls-Royce 'or had any financial dealings with the company 'and he says he's never taken nor paid any bribes.
'Bhanu Choudhrie's lawyers told us 'he's never been paid to secure deals for Rolls-Royce in India, 'including the sale of Hawk jets.
'They add Mr Choudhrie has...
'..and has no knowledge of Mr Ginger's banking arrangements.
'The Serious Fraud Office 'now has 30 investigators on the Rolls-Royce case.
'There is a separate investigation in the United States.
'Rolls-Royce could face enormous fines.
'Employees past or present could be jailed.'
Why should our viewers care if a company like Rolls-Royce, an iconic UK brand, is using middlemen to pay bribes?
They should care because Rolls-Royce is, or should be, better than that.
It's an important brand and it's a brand that should be entirely clean.
'Rolls-Royce says it...
'..and has intensified its...
'It says it has...
I think it's extremely unfortunate the way Rolls-Royce has behaved.
I think their business model has been based on the systematic use of agents or middlemen to effectively try and bribe their way to contracts.
I think that that makes, not only United Kingdom, but the world in which we trade, a more corrupt place, a less democratic place and a far more volatile and unstable place in which to do business.
'The golden years for Rolls-Royce seem to be over.
'The company has issued five warnings about falling profits 'in the last two years.
'It's now under scrutiny as never before.
'Bribing its way around the world 'is no longer an option for Rolls-Royce.'

Forward!
[SHOUTING]
[GUNFIRE]
Retreat!
Retreat!
Retreat!
Go!
Go, come on!
The artillery has no powder, no ammunition.
Second battalion is gone.
We've got nothing left to throw at them.
[HORSE WHINNIES]
- Hold your position.
- Where are you going?
Athos!
[GUNFIRE]
What the devil are you doing here?
Get back to your men.
My men have been butchered.
You're sending sword against cannon.
You will hold the line at all costs, Captain.
- We have to take the field.
- Our cannon are useless.
Where is the powder we were promised?
The supply wagon did not arrive.
You will have to advance without artillery support.
There won't be a man left alive.
You are soldiers, the king's own regiment.
Now, go out there and die for him.
That is your strategy?
To watch good men slaughtered?
Return to your men, Captain, or I will have you court-martialed.
Cut him down!
I shall be in my tent, Chief Adjutant.
[GASPS]
Grimaud. 
Impossible. 
You can't be here.
I will get you your money, I swear it!
You think you can hide from me?
Even on the battlefield, I will find you.
[SCREAMING]
The only way out of here is to take out that cannon.
- We need a plan.
- Attack.
- What?
- I hate it when he does that.
Attack!
♪
Powder!
Shoot the powder!
D'Artagnan. 
D'Artagnan.
It's over.
Spanish.
There.
You can see the troops moving.
The battle's over.
You see the banner there?
A French victory.
[CHEERING]
- Who will you be, Marie?
- Porthos.
Oh, I'll be D'Artagnan.
You won't kill me with my armour on.
I told you not to come this way.
We wanted to see the battle.
War is not a game.
Everyone, gather round. 
Come here.
Drop your stick, Marie.
Come here. 
We're leaving.
What's that?
It's my fleur-de-lis. 
I'm a musketeer.
When we get back, you're taking that off.
Don't talk to me like I'm a child.
Then don't behave like one.
Come, we're late for your lessons, come on.
How could you ever understand?
You're only a monk.
[CROW CAWING]
What's wrong?
A man, a figure.
Only the crows have any business down there.
[CROWS CAWING]
I'd give anything to be back in Paris right now.
[GRUNTING]
[LAUGHS]
Ooh!
[SCREAMING]
Finish him!
You want to fight so badly, I can send you to the fronts.
Isn't there enough violence and brutality in the world without this?
Clairmont, why have you come here?
A little innocent amusement, Minister Treville, nothing more.
Feron.
I should have guessed you were behind this.
Come now, the Red Guard and the Musketeers have always maintained a healthy rivalry.
These are cadets, and you pit them against trained soldiers.
That one really does need a little more training.
Run along, boy!
Hide inside the skirts of Madam D'Artagnan.
Being governor of Paris does not give you the right to treat the Red Guard as your own personal thugs.
Terrorizing, persecuting the people.
We are at war, Treville.
This city breeds insurrection, revolution.
The Red Guard are all that stand between us and anarchy.
Now, why don't you take your infant Musketeer, go home and tuck him in nicely?
It must be near his bed time.
Come on.
[MEN JEERING]
What's next?
!
- General!
- What do you want here?
Hey.
We just lost half our regiment because we didn't get the support that we were promised.
Good men wasted. 
Where's the general?
You don't understand. 
I don't know, sir.
He sent me for the maps so that we could trace the route of the artillery supplies, then he just rode off with someone.
A soldier?
No, he did not leave of his own volition.
Show us.
The weapons transport was last reported on the road from Douai.
The general rode in that direction.
Not all of him.
Find some horses.
Stop! 
No further!
General Lantier.
What are you doing here, sir?
We have the powder consignment.
We broke a wheel on the road.
General, you're injured.
Salute a superior officer!
And the rest of you! 
Do as I say!
[GUNFIRE]
Take cover!
Don't move.
There you are, Luc!
Excuse us, gentlemen.
I'm sorry if the children's play has disturbed you.
We must get back to the monastery.
Hold!
They're so young and excitable.
I found him, children!
Never pay attention to anything that goes on around them.
They see nothing.
Good day.
Look straight ahead. 
Don't run.
Slowly now.
For God's sake.
I've done what you wanted.
Take the weapons, sell them.
The monastery must be close.
We hide the powder there until I contact the Spanish buyers at the border.
Take the children.
Our soldiers.
Those men just shot them down.
We can't leave.
Luc...
Look, you may have no stomach for it but there might be men left alive.
You're frightening the children.
Come.
We should leave the monastery immediately for the sake of the children.
The children, yes.
It is past the hour for their lessons, brother.
With the greatest of respect, Abbott, you do not realize the danger.
Those men were not soldiers.
What I saw on the road was cold-blooded murder.
We cannot protect ourselves here, not alone.
We are never alone, brother.
We have the best protection in the world.
God watches over us.
I have seen violent men like this before.
You live too much in the world and in your own past.
I have given my life to God.
Yet you tend your beard as another might a rose bush.
And here you are speaking like a soldier again.
Abbott, forgive me, but you do not understand.
I think I do.
I've become very fond of you over these past few years, Aramis.
Your company pleases me... but your soul is as restless and confused as it was on the day that you arrived here.
You've been looking for something you may never find in a life of contemplation.
If these men come here, then we shall welcome them with God's love.
His will be done.
Now, tend to your charges.
The Red Guard are out of control.
They persecute and brutalize ordinary citizens while the real criminals run free.
Governor Feron must impose discipline on his men and order on the streets.
Am I late?
But not as late as the king apparently.
Then, his majesty seldom serves before 2:00 these days.
Go on Treville, you were saying...
Something has to be done, and I'm not doing it.
The list of things you're not doing, Feron, grows longer by the day.
It is a little early to be challenged to a duel, Treville.
Even on words.
Is there no refreshment nook?
Boy! 
A man may die of thirst.
It's not just the Red Guard.
Parts of Paris are becoming ungovernable.
Thieves, cutthroats, userers and they describe themselves as men of commerce.
As long as they pay their taxes, surely their commerce is their own affair.
Even if it is extortion, murder?
There has always been a market for that.
Well, as his majesty has once again decided not to grace us with his presence,
I suggest we adjourn.
I am not finished.
Not yet perhaps, but soon.
Another day, Treville. 
Another day.
[BANGING]
Open the gates.
Come, brothers, open the gates.
We seek shelter, brother.
We were attacked on the road.
You are welcome.
Let them in, brothers.
I do not understand.
You said you were attacked.
Have you any wounded?
There will be others coming, Spanish soldiers.
Keep your counsel, do as I say and we will leave you in peace.
What is the meaning of this deception?
What is it you are carrying?
You cannot bring weapons and gunpowder into a sanctuary of God.
You must leave this moment.
Open the gates!
[GUNS COCKING]
Stand aside.
I will do it myself.
Get back inside.
Detain the friars in the chapel.
If any resist, kill them.
Bring the general to me.
Push, push, push.
Good boy, there we are.
So, did we all understand?
Right, move, move, move.
Go, go.
- Are we coming back?
- Of course we will.
Come here, come here. 
Give me your hat.
Come here.
Give me your jacket. 
Come on.
There you are.
My favourite part of the battle is always its end.
When there's only the dead left... with their secrets.
[CUP CLATTERS]
That's when the real struggle starts.
Fight for the spoils.
Now, General... are you spoils, or just one of the dead?
I am not going to beg for mercy of you.
You are no more than Paris street trash.
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING ECHOING]
So, do we remember the games of hide and go seek we sometimes play?
We're going to play one of those games right now.
But we all have to be very, very quiet. 
Shh.
I don't got my shoes.
Don't worry about your shoes.
I've got your shoes. 
Come on.
[SCREAMING]
I... will... have... respect.
[NECK SNAPS]
Everyone, this way.
See if there's any monks hiding in these upper rooms.
This way, go, go.
Get a move on!
Get every single one of them into the chapel.
Come on, move!
- Where is Luc?
- I don't know.
Take the children that way.
Here. 
Stop.
Adele, hide them behind the barrels.
Take them all. 
Take them.
This wasn't an ambush, it was an execution.
[CHURCH BELL TOLLING]
Sounds like trouble.
Hyah, hyah!
[TOLLING CONTINUES]
Get him!
Where is he? 
Search the place. 
Find him!
Get more men! 
Look in the cellars!
Pierre, get back!
Hey.
Try this.
- Not bad, eh?
- Good drop.
Come on.
The king has not attended the last five council meetings.
Nothing can be done without his presence.
I'm afraid the king's mind is focused entirely on our son.
Ahh! 
And how is my little man, today?
- Have you defeated the Spanish?
- Yes.
If only our own troops could be as effective.
Minister Treville had hoped to speak with your majesty.
Leave his majesty alone, Treville.
Can't you see he has more important business at hand?
Ahh, chocolate.
[CHUCKLES]
Clearly, I am expected. 
Mm.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
And what is the most important thing every good king must learn to do as soon as he possibly may?
- Ride.
- Yes.
You are so very clever.
I've got a surprise for you.
- Isn't he a beauty?
- Yes.
Your own little charger!
Please, Louis, you can't bring that animal in here.
Nonsense!
Felipe and I picked you out the very best one.
Oh, yes!
You cannot distract the king forever, Feron.
Sooner or later, I will have my say.
That is your problem Treville, you never stop having your say.
Is anyone really listening? 
Hmm?
Help!
Help us! 
Help!
Wait there! 
Halt!
Please, quickly.
Help.
Shh.
The men who killed the soldiers have taken the monastery.
The abbott's dead.
All right.
Can you show us the way?
Good boy.
Shouldn't we report back what we found here?
- It's our duty as soldiers.
- We're also Musketeers.
Who else knows about this way?
Only the children and I.
[GROANING]
Next time I'm using the front door.
[FOOTSTEPS]
The bell. 
Who rang the bell?
The boy we saw on the road earlier.
He got away. 
Should have finished him then.
Put men outside the walls.
No one else escapes.
Bring my horse around.
I'll ride out to meet the Spanish buyers at the border.
Who's there?
- Show yourself!
- Stop! 
Stop! 
Not him!
- This is...
- Aramis. 
We know.
This is not possible.
You still have that knack of getting into trouble, brother.
Porthos.
Your name's Porthos?
- After the hero in the stories?
- Stories?
I was named after my mother's father.
- You were 'the' Porthos?
- The Porthos.
This is the the Athos... and the... 
D'Artagnan.
The stories were true?
Our reputation precedes us.
God moves in mysterious ways.
Not that mysterious.
We've been stationed in the valley below in a little thing called the war.
We know all about the war here.
Especially these little ones.
Children, come out. 
Meet my friends.
Now we just need to get them to safety.
Now, look ahead, keep looking ahead, that's it.
The Dauphine grows older and the king reverts to the nursery.
I sometimes wonder which Louis is the child.
Oh, damnation.
Can you help me?
Here you are.
- You all right?
- Thank you.
I'm afraid...
I have a touch of the family disease.
My crumbling Bourbon spine.
Thank you.
- I'm sorry.
- Don't worry.
Louis was blessed to escape your father's illness.
Louis was always blessed.
His mother was Marie de Medici.
My mother was a chamber maid.
Well, not exactly a chamber maid.
Lady in waiting, but you know what I mean.
The question of your birth never bothered the king.
He has a generous spirit.
More sober council has advised him to disown you.
But... he is very fond of you.
You know, sometimes you don't look Spanish at all.
Sometimes you don't look like a bastard.
We must really do this more often.
Ahh, here's our little man.
Come and give your poor old Uncle Felipe a kiss.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Where's papa? 
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, very well. 
Where are we going?
Your majesty!
Take your positions!
Majesty!
Louis?
Majesty. 
Majesty.
What's happening?
- [CHUCKLES] - [RELIEVED SIGH]
You really frightened us.
I've quite exhausted myself leading my little soldier around on his charger.
He is a... a natural.
Born horseman.
Carriage is remarkable.
Papa.
No more. 
No more.
Felipe will play with you now.
- Must I?
- Yes, you must.
[RELUCTANT SIGH]
Very well, your majesty.
Come on, you little... majesty.
[SOFT CHUCKLE] [EXHALES]
So, that's what happened to our gun powder.
Open the gate.
That's the man I saw on the battlefield.
We need to get everyone out of here.
They might be going for reinforcements.
Keep watch outside the wall.
Nobody leaves.
We wait until dark.
If we can keep the children hidden until then, we stand a chance.
D'Artagnan.
Was Aramis really one of you?
A Musketeer?
He was the best shot in the army.
One of the greatest soldiers I've ever known.
- Hello.
- Aramis!
What is it?
[WHISPERING]
Well, let's ask him.
She wants to know if you're a giant.
I won't eat you because I'm not hungry... yet.
Hey!
I think she likes you.
She's got a funny way of showing it.
It's good to see you again, my friend.
It's been too long.
That wasn't my choice.
I could not go to war with you, Porthos.
We were comrades.
I never had to worry what was behind me because you... you had my back.
I made a promise to God...
- a vow to myself.
- What about your vow to us?
One for all. 
What about that?
Four years is a long time.
We learned to live without you.
Constance, you asked for me?
What's the urgency?
Well, I think you're going to be needing this.
What are you up to now?
You have every right to live any life you wish.
We all do.
It's for the right reasons.
Adele.
Isabella.
Margaery.
They are all dead, because they made the mistake of loving me.
Even the queen, I could not put her and the Dauphine in danger again.
And that's why I'm here. 
That's why I made my promise to God.
And now?
The abbott, God rest his soul, he didn't think me ready to take my orders, he even after all these years.
I never had a problem with poverty, even celibacy.
It was obedience I could never take to.
What about all that chanting?
[CHUCKLES]
It's good to see you, my friend.
Athos, it's getting dark.
We need to start moving.
Now.
Give him time.
Luc, children, we're leaving.
I'll go through first.
When I pull on the string, send the first one through.
Come on, look away.
Now.
Luc, you go first, help the children to the other side.
We're going one at a time.
Are we friends now?
Shh.
Wait down there by that large tree.
I'm sending the children to you.
Marcheaux and the Red Guard regularly use the old bath house.
They can drink and gamble there all night, amongst other things.
- It has everything we need.
- Everything.
Constance, I am a minister of the Crown.
Well, for one night you can be a Musketeer again.
We're going to show Feron and his Red Guards we're not to be humiliated.
We're moving. 
Up. 
Up.
[CHANTING]
This way.
You're next.
You will follow?
We have matters to attend to here.
The gunpowder must not fall into the wrong hands.
Head for the mountains.
We will find you.
Your brothers are waiting.
- The children?
- Bottom of the hill with Luc.
- We'll leave at first light.
- You think?
Good luck.
[MEN LAUGHING]
Fire! 
Fire!
Over here! 
This way!
This way! 
Quickly, quickly!
[MEN SHOUTING]
Not so cocky now, are we?
Minister Treville.
What's this about?
Captain, in the future, pick on somebody your own size.
Children, stay in line.
The path gets difficult here.
Why didn't you tell me the stories you told us were true?
And you were one of them, a Musketeer!
I renounced that life when I joined the monastery.
And now?
Pierre, don't throw things.
Keep them quiet.
Don't do that.
They've escaped!
They can't have gone far.
Get the horses on the wagon.
The Spanish buyers are on their way.
Clean yourself up.
Treville is a disgrace to France.
What kind of soldier would put that woman in charge of the garrison mess?
Perhaps he is warming her bed while her idiot husband is away at war.
There is something unnatural about that bitch.
She has the cunning of the devil.
Come here.
And yet... you have let her turn the Red Guard... into a laughing stock.
That undermines my authority, George.
It cannot happen again.
[MOANS]
Don't touch me.
[GROANS]
Look at us.
We are quite a pair.
Fit only for the infirmary.
Aramis! 
The bandits! 
They're here!
Move, move. 
Quickly, move! 
Keep moving, keep moving, keep moving. 
Don't stop.
Luc, Luc, hide the children in there.
Brothers, hide yourself. 
Keep moving.
Wherever you can. 
Quickly, go on.
Go, go, spread out.
You did very well. 
Now, shh, stay quiet, okay?
Go in there. 
Hide in there.
Stay with the children.
You're their protector now.
What are you going to do?
Come here!
Get away from the children!
Get off me! 
Get off me! 
Aramis!
Stay away from her!
[GUNSHOT]
Don't move.
I'll kill him.
So, the man of God was once a soldier.
You've been wearing a cassock too long.
[GUNSHOT]
Luc!
You really are a Musketeer.
A bit rusty right now.
I'm not so sure I want to be a soldier anymore.
Let's get the children.
Luc.
Spanish soldiers. 
I need to warn the others.
Just stay hidden.
You'll be safe.
Open the gates! 
The Spanish are here!
Musketeers!
[GUNFIRE]
Porthos, stop him! 
Take the wagon!
Spanish soldiers.
They cannot be allowed to get that gun powder.
Whoa!
Which way we going?
Hyah!
Do you need help with that?
Just shoot straight.
[GUNFIRE]
Aramis, get out of there!
It's about to get hot!
Are you going to try and tell me that you didn't enjoy that?
[LAUGHS]
Vamonos!
Thank you for all you've done.
You be good now, all right?
Look after the brothers.
Yes, I will.
So, you think we'll need three or four horses?
I thought I understood your plan.
Now you... seem to be showing me another path.
In the middle of all the danger and excitement today, you were closer to me than at any time in all my years here.
I've never felt so... alive.
This is what you made me.
A Musketeer.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
You are many things, Aramis... but a monk is not one of them.
You can't argue with God.
[SHUDDERING]
Lucien.
I have what you want.
Where have you been? 
I needed you.
Calm yourself.
Our plans were ruined by interfering Musketeers.
Careful! 
Careful!
Drink it down and it'll all be better.
[SOBBING]
I can't live with the pain.
Let the medicine work.
There.
Better now?
You can never leave me again.
I have everything I need in Paris.
Perfectly acceptable.
Hyah!
Hyah!
Hyah!
I need these ordinances sent over to the military supply depot at Bagneux immediately.
I'll need a fresh horse.
It was a very long ride.
Athos.
I had no idea. 
You should have sent word.
Porthos. 
Minister.
Aramis. 
You came back to us.
It seems I never really went away.
D'Artagnan? 
He's not...?
No, he, uh, had some important business to attend to at the garrison.
What have I told you about running?
Sorry, Madam D'Artagnan.
Did you miss me?
Who's that?
The Marquis de Feron.
Governor of Paris, Commander of the Red Guard.
Ah, Treville.
I see you have found some grown-up Musketeers at last.
Governor, you haven't met Porthos...
Athos, Aramis.
Ah, the war heroes.
Not quite as impressive in the flesh.
But then, legends tend to exaggerate everything, even courage.
You will be seeing a great deal more of the captain and his men, Feron.
They are to be stationed here in Paris.
Effective immediately.
Not returning to the front?
Perhaps it's for the best.
We need men in their prime fighting for France, not worn-out dregs.
The world has changed since you've been away.
Paris is my city now.
Cross me and you'll live to regret it.
♪

(BELLS CHIMING)
(SPIDER-MAN GROANING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
That was quite a fall.
(RINGING CONTINUES)
I don't think that ringing's just in my head.
(RINGING CONTINUES)
MJ. 
Hey.
What's going on?
Peter, you gotta get to Oscorp now. 
I need help.
(GROWLING)
Wait. 
Everything's coming back to me.
Carnage. 
It's all over the city.
- Are you okay?
- Not for long.
Those things, they're outside, trying to get in.
- And I can't move Harry.
- I'll be right there.
(GROWLING)
Oh, boy.
Go unconscious for ten seconds and everything falls apart.
(GROWLING) (PEOPLE SHUDDERING)
In case you were wondering, this isn't normal, even for New York.
Doc Ock created the Venom symbiote, thinking he'd be able to control it.
But it bonded with my friend Flash Thompson to become a hero.
So, then he tried to create another version called Anti-Venom.
That failed too, but not before putting my friend Harry Osborn in a coma.
Now Morbius, Ock's former Hydra lab assistant, has unleashed this new version... 
Carnage.
It's built a hive, it's making more of them, and it's infecting the entire city.
Yeah. 
I need to figure out a way to stop this.
But first, I gotta get to my best friends, Harry and MJ.
(ROARS)
Yikes! 
Hey, watch where you're pointing those things.
Okay, the sidewalk's occupied.
I can take a hint. (GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS)
Need a hand, soldier?
Cap! 
You're... 
You!
Where are the rest of the Avengers?
There aren't any left. 
Whatever this stuff is, it hit us hard and fast.
(ROARING)
Oh, right. 
I know that roar anywhere.
At least you still have Hulk.
Not exactly.
(ROARING)
Carnage smash!
Hulk? 
I like you better in green!
* Ultimate Spider-Man vs The Sinister-6 * Season 04 Episode 14  "Symbiote Saga Part-2" Corrected and Synchronized by srjanapala
Smash!
Whoa!
(SHOUTING)
(CAPTAIN AMERICA SHOUTS)
(GRUNTS)
Hold on, Cap.
I got you.
(GRUNTS) Forget I said anything.
CAPTAIN AMERICA:
Your turn to hold on.
(BOTH GRUNT)
Okay, now we're even.
(RUMBLING)
Scratch that.
Why Hulk?
Couldn't Batroc have gotten all Carnage-ized?
He's coming back for round two.
(LAUGHS)
Don't make Carnage angry.
You won't like Carnage angry. (ROARS)
Hold him.
I'm going in.
(GRUNTS)
(BOTH GRUNT)
Ow.
So, any other plan than just trying to hit Chulk?
Chulk?
Yeah, Carnage-Hulk.
I just took the "C" and put it in front of the...
Yeah, I get it. 
And no.
Just keep hitting him.
The angrier Hulk gets, the more gamma energy he releases.
(SHRIEKS)
I get it. 
Hulk's gamma might burn out the Carnage symbiote.
Why does everyone think Tony's the only smart Avenger?
Only downside, the angrier Hulk gets, the stronger he gets.
(GROWLING)
You mean Chulk.
Stop.
Anybody on the S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy frequency?
This is Spider-Man.
Anybody?
Set your comm as a repeating beacon.
(GRUNTS)
You're now my favorite Avenger.
If anyone's out there, they'll lock on to this.
(ROARS) (SCREAMS)
Come on, Chul... or Hulk.
I know you're in there.
You can stop Carnage.
CAPTAIN AMERICA:
Use your Taser webs.
I was just gonna do that. 
I swear.
(GRUNTS) (ELECTRIC PULSES)
(GROWLS)
You got this, big guy.
Rip off the Carnage.
(ROARS)
Keep pouring it on.
Don't know how long it'll last.
They were built to stun, not toast.
I'm out of juice.
(GROWLS)
Hulk strong.
But Carnage strongest one there is.
(LAUGHS)
(ALL LAUGHING)
SPIDER-MAN: 
Well, the good news is, now we have enough Carnages to start a volleyball team.
Spider-Man, stay strong.
SPIDER-MAN: 
Isn't that what I was already doing?
(GRUNTS)
Cap, no! 
You are not gonna take down my favorite Avenger.
(BEEPING) Huh?
Found it.
(ALL GRUNTING)
Dagger, I'll clear you a path.
I'm in position, Iron Fist.
(GROWLING)
Carnage crush!
An enlightened soul can never truly be crushed.
Ki-yah!
(GRUNTS)
Don't mess with S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy!
(GROWLS)
(GRUNTS)
Hey, not bad.
Oh.
(SNORES) Smash.
Good work, but stay sharp, team.
Back off.
This body's already taken.
(SHRIEKING)
(GRUNTS) Cloak!
(GRUNTING)
The symbiotes totally mess with his teleportation.
It seems Cloak has more willpower than any of us realized.
Can't contain... (GRUNTS)
Cloak!
I tried.
Get him on his feet.
We need to keep moving.
Coast is clear.
(GROWLING AND SCREAMING) Or not.
That room they're all focused on.
That's where Harry and MJ are.
(RINGING)
MARY JANE:  
Peter, where are you?
SPIDER-MAN:  
Almost there, MJ.
You're too late.
They're inside.
(GROWLING)
ALL: 
Feed on the sleeper.
Destroy the sleeper.
Mary Jane!
(GROWLING)
Harry! 
No! 
(GASPS)
Oh, no. 
Not... (LAUGHS)
He's Anti-Venom again.
Harry, you okay?
Burn the infection.
(ROARS)
Ah! 
Guess that answers that question.
Compared to Anti-Venom, Carnages aren't so bad.
Anti-Venom saved me?
Whoa. 
Can't say I saw that coming.
It's like a disease.
Cleanse all.
Anti-Venom's burning the Carnage symbiotes off.
Ah! 
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
They're unconscious, but unhurt.
Is that thing a cure?
Anti-Venom was created to destroy Venom.
And Carnage was created from a Venom sample, so I guess that makes sense.
Kinda.
(THUDS)
Yeah, Anti-Venom's touch is pretty messed up for symbiotes.
Patient zero.
Uh, guys?
He's, um, looking at me funny.
Venom, slowly get behind me and the war hero with the unbreakable shield.
Too late.
Spider-Man, what's this all about? 
(GRUNTS)
These Carnages are like a light snack to Anti-Venom.
He's after the original.
Will his touch destroy Agent Venom?
SPIDER-MAN:
That's one way to put it.
Last time, he barely scratched me, and I was out for weeks.
So, I'm going with yes.
(LAUGHING)
(GRUNTS)
Ki-yah!
Hah! 
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS)
Dagger! 
She's out, but I think she's okay.
Nothing is okay.
All must be cleansed.
WOMAN: 
Stop! 
Don't hurt him!
My friend's in there.
Harry Osborn's been taken over by that thing.
We know, ma'am, but you need to get out of here.
It's not safe.
You don't understand.
Find Peter Parker.
He can fix this.
Harry will listen to him.
I know it.
We'll find him. 
But for now, you need to get to safety.
The whole city's in danger.
I'm not gonna run off and hide.
Well then, we could use your help.
The  Bugle is down.
The city doesn't have anyone to guide them.
If I can make it to the digital media lab at Midtown High,
I might be able to access the  Bugle screens and stream through them.
But that's a big "if."
Luckily, big "ifs" are our specialty.
Cloak, can you get her there?
On it, Spidey.
Then I'll get Dagger to safety.
You'll protect Harry? 
Promise?
I promise.
(THUDS)
(GROWLING) (GRUNTING)
This is not gonna be easy.
But when has that ever stopped me?
(GRUNTS) Carnage, Venom, Anti-Venom.
This isn't my world.
I'll back your play, Spider-Man, whatever it is.
We need to get Anti-Venom up there.
That's the source of these things.
If he can burn it away, it could stop them all at once.
How we gonna do that?
Ask politely? 
- (ROARS)
(GRUNTS) No. 
We bait him.
Venom, think of it this way.
The city is the field, Anti-Venom is after you, so...
I'm the ball.
See? 
I know a thing or two about sports.
Sometimes.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
All right, team, regroup around Agent Venom.
It's first down, and we need a home run.
Is that right?
Um, close enough.
(ALL GRUNTING)
Hike.
I totally used a football word.
Heads up. 
We got company, 12:00.
Yeah, we're a little busy with our 6:00.
I don't want to embarrass you, Spidey, but it's only 4:30.
Nice aim, soldier.
Dude, Cap said I have nice aim. 
I might pass out.
Keep it together, Flash.
Must make clean.
I think I'm allergic to your brand of soap.
Let's slow you down a bit, Anti-Venom.
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle
Uncle
Super star
Avvaiyar
'Maamiyaaf
How are you?
'Apps? 
sky
Diamond Babu
Here is my hand You can hit me!
It's easy to wave a sword and chop a chap's neck
But remember, the pen is mightier than the sword
Is it tough to be a rowdy?
Or be a 3rd grade student?
Tough to study in 3rd grade
Shall we go?
How unusual, sir
Not a single window pane or black board was broken
No action sequence at all
How come?
I taught the boys a lesson It entered their thick skulls
Right, Rajendafl
You beat everyone hollow with your pearls of wisdom
See you
Anna...!
You left your cooling glass behind
Okay, huh?
Arjgp , , A m Wawxwoaqvxwwi
"Quick on trigger Crackerjack commander"
"Sunglasses groovy Shines so glittery"
"He's a killer-cat so cool He's nobody's fool"
"Dark glasses trendy Comes in handy"
arjgp , , A m Wawxwoaqvxwwi
"Siren on a cop's Gypsy walls not to dilly-daily"
"No need any FC"
"A cop can easily perfonn without the khaki uniform"
"Look at the lion emblem on his cap"
"His rank as a cop Stars on his shoulder strap"
"Look at the lion insignia on his cap"
"His rank as a cop Stars on his shoulder strap"
"He is sharp as a tack He can face any attack"
"His shades add to his image They glint with courage"
arjgp , , A m Wawxwoaqvxwwi
"He'll give every rowdy a run for his money"
"Every single gangster or goon we will catch red handed soon"
"Cane should be used to thrash Thugs like you fit for the trash"
"A whack on your back in time You'll think twice before a crime"
"You had the gall to abuse many a girl"
"I'll break your hand into two 'Puttuf bandage is all you get, dude"
"Supennan and Spider man are reel life Panavision"
"When you dial 100, a cop will be at your doorstep clad in khaki"
"When we do our police beat at night"
"In your house you can sleep alright"
"Cops come to your rescue You think they are of no use"
"What will you do without the police to help you?"
"Nimble on his toes is he Man on the spot in any calamity"
"His glasses add to his halo Classy jazzy fellow"
arjgp , , A m Wawxwoaqvxwwi
"A cop to run in a quandary;
is he a normal person, tell me?"
"Has he married your sister for you to be over-familiar?"
"Speed breakers wait for you to get into an accident or two"
"if your life you value wear a helmet, dude"
"Thanks to DUI or DWI deed you'll beg the cop to be freed"
"Even if he didn't slap a penalty you'll part with a bribe hefty"
"You grease palms, sonny to hide misdeeds many"
"You have no right, none at all to blame the police for any fault"
"Nothing compares to you The men in khaki shin true"
"In his wallet is a photo of his wife and kids in toto"
"Never at home for any festival"
"Can never celebrate any event special"
"Quick on trigger Our young commander"
"Sunglasses groovy Shines so glittery"
arjgp , , A m Wawxwoaqvxwwi
"You rock, man I'm your forever fan!"
This is my father Uppili
He was Circle inspector in Nlylapore
Such a strict disciplinarian
We won't dare cross the line he draws, so you can imagine
Last bird, ma!
I am also repeating it to you
This is the last bird!
If this doesn't click, our astrologer said you won't get married for another 3 years
Shall we start?
Start
"My heart wavers restlessly Krsna, it beats tunelessly"
Ma, in this age and time will anyone resort to an arranged marriage?
We should meet
Feel for each other
Fall in love
You've exhausted the time I gave you to do all this
You loved Anjana in college and she ditched you, remember?
I like this girl
As soon as the song is over we say 'yes' to this proposal
Your daughter-
There is no necessity for the groom to meet the girl and say 'okay'
If his mother says okay, it is 'double okay' for him 0kay...okay?
Nothing of that sort, I need to talk to your daughter in private
Say something
You look good okay
You look so cute with your baby face
So they say
From 'goldies' to toddlers in my house you've captured everyone's heart
That's why I also-
Brother...?
Brother, I already have a boyfriend
My grandpa Uppili was a Circle inspector
That bloody dog before dying got a promise that I should marry only a policeman and then conked off
This mongrel is hell bent on keeping the promise he made to his father
Why don't you go down and tell them you don't like me-
Please
Whose is this?
My father's
Can I take it?
"With one word of yours, you stole my soul With your lovely eyes don't eat me whole"
"Like cold water, in a pot she stored me She killed me by taking sips from it daily"
"In a tropical barren forest a river from hailstones flows fast"
Did the girl say 'okay' to you?
"A butterfly flitted on to my shirt daintily I burst like fireworks rather mightily"
"Bovine eyed beauty took my breath away When she touched me, warm fuzzy all the way"
Aiyo! 
My dignity went for a royal toss
That astrologer told me by June 2nd it will click
June 2nd has dawned and gone!
You'll get married only after I die
Maaaa, how can you do this to me, ma?
I'll never again see any bride for you
Thank you
Buyjust1 packet of ear buds
Only 10 bucks Please buy 1 packet
You should be in school
I'll send you to school Will you study?
No need school Just buy 1, bro
Take this cash
I don't want money I can't use it
Give me some food if you have
Whom are you talking to?
Brother here was talking-
Don't talk to my brother
If he sees him talking he will thrash him
Who will hit you?
- Go 
- I told you
Can't you tell looking at his face?
King Karna or uncle Scrooge?
!
l1at's up, commander?
Think you're Mother Teresa reborn?
You are showering extra love on these kids
Buy the stuff they sell if you like it
Otherwise just drive past
Don't brainwash these kids
Hey! 
What did he tell you?
Nothing, anna
He wanted to sponsor my studies
I Said 1,0.
Friend, eh?
!
Touched your heart!
Not like that, anna
To sponsor all the kids begging here know how many schools you must build?
If I see you here one more time I will gobble you up in 1 single gulp
Get lost!
Give me 5 minutes
I'll be back before you finish listening to 'Google google' song
I'm scared
Why be scared of me?
Not you That rowdy boy
Sweet mummy
Look at this sourface
You have a cute baby face with such a sweet smile
Don't get it disfigured
Go
Look at him!
Human rights, huh?
Reporter...?
Ananda Wkatan or Junior Vikatan
I earn making kids beg
So what?
Every week on the dot I grease the right palms in the police station
You can't do a damn thing about it
Hey sourface
What happened, bro?
Look how many will rush to my aid if you lay a finger on me?
Only 5 thugs are here
Are you bad at math?
There are 13 of us here 13 looks like 5 to you!
I'll hit you first
Seeing me hit you, 2 of them will retaliate
When those 2 are being beaten to a pulp another 2 right behind will try to hit back
When I bash them up the leftovers will run for their lives
Confident?
What...?
5 on the whole ls my math right?
You've bruised us black and blue
Run...run for your life
Move aside
Huffy
Sir, it hurts
0h gawd!
Move...move aside
Don't hit me
You're creating a ruckus here hitting innocent youngsters
One call and within 10 minutes the police will land here
Want to see that happen?
It's already 10 minutes since the police came here, dumdum
It's a real deep gash
Nurse, give me cotton tincture
I can't bear the pain
Did you fall on to a moving vehicle?
No, doctor
Did you hit each other?
All of us were hit by a 1-man army
Was he a rowdy?
Police
So you're escaping from the police, huh?
It was a policeman who brought us here
Where is he?
Over there
Yes, Malli I'll be back tonight
Hello?
Your photo in Facebook was too good!
Can't you hear me?
You! 
Baldy!
Who is that dog-voice?
What, nurse?
Finished, huh?
Can I take them now?
I am not a nurse I am the doctor here
I am also not 'baldy' I am a constable
Were you the one who hit them?
Not me
My chief hit them
Ask your 'beef' to meet me
Wait, I'll bring him
Rajendar, first aid all done?
Doctor wants you, sir
- Did one of them pop off?
- No, sir
You come with Ganesan
I didn't call you, bro
Hold it
Doctor, you wanted to see me?
First remove your cooling glass
Were you the one who bashed them up?
If you are a police officer, you can hit anyone?
Do you know the value of a man's blood, sir?
Everyone doesn't have the same group
Even so, he has to be healthy and a non-alcoholic
At least do you know a man's bone value?
If 1 bone cracks, it takes 4 months to get back to normalcy
In those 4 months, he has to suffer on a day to day basis
To use the restroom and to eat
His family and friends must handle him like a child
If the same happens to a child...!
And the child has no family or friends
I don't get it
A 6 year old
BOY
He has broken that kid's leg and made him beg on the road
9 year old girl
He blinded her by pouring molten lead into her eye
There are about 14 kids in the traffic signal
Over all in the city, 70 kids are begging under the control of this gang
Taking advantage of innoce-
Yes, I bashed them up
I don't think it is wrong
I can't apologize
It will pain Shut up!
They've been given first aid, sir
Rajendar, you can go-
Anna, you offered to admit me in a school
Tamil or English medium?
I don't want to go to school, anna
A nurse here said this eye can be operated and I can see again
Please, anna
Rajendar, take them to the Home
Okay, sir
I will see you there tomorrow
See you tomorrow, anna
You can wear your cooling glass
Good
Are you married?
No
Are you...in love?
Didn't work out
Then it's okay
Mithra, dean wants you
See you
Babe, what do you mean by 'then it's okay'?
My shift gets over at 8:30 p.m
We can talk once I'm off duty
We can talk 19 to the dozen!
Hi.,_!
Wokay!
What does 'then it's okay' mean?
It means then it's okay
So funny, remind me to laugh at yourjoke later
Then what?
I'm a deputy commissioner
Under me are 2 assistant commissioners, 18 inspectors, 36 sub inspectors 27 head constables
Grade 1 constables about 360 of them
In a nutshell, I protect half this city
In spite of my workload not knowing where this bus is going ...just because I heard you say the 4 letter word 'okay' ...I am sitting right behind you
From behind here I can see you are smiling in front
But sitting behind you I don't know what you're thinking
I got a crick in my neck Can you please come in front?
My name is Mithra
Medical student
Presently doing my internship as house surgeon
According to me a heart is a hollow muscular organ that pumps blood through the circulatory system
In vertebrates, there are about 4 chambers-
Girl! 
If you are feeling stuffy open the window, you'll be fine
But that isn't the heart
It identifies a person we like in the blink of an eye
And then beats only for that soul
It's a beautiful blessing
That's terrific
Were you wondering why I said 'okay' the moment I set eyes on you?
Whatever occurred to me the 1st minute I saw you I believed I would feel the same way 100 years later too
So my heart said 'yes' to my mind!
Sorry, I'm talking only about myself
Whatever happened to me is a tragic story
From kindergarten to MBA no co-ed in school or college
No interaction with girls at all
After a point, whichever girl I saw I would think 'Is she my girl?
'
I've professed my love to a few and thought otherwise of many-
Oh! 
You went up to the 'I love you' phase?
If a man feels shy to profess his love he is not fit to live on this earth
Terrific, boss
I may think I want to 'okay' so many girls
But to know a girl has 'okay'ed even me gives me a rapid-fire high!
This too is terrific, boss
Hear my next googly!
As a policeman I'll ask a question
And wait for the reply 1st time knowing the answer I was telling myself, 'Maybe this was the question?
'
This is too terrific, boss
But answer my question, boss
Madam, where do you want to go?
Where does 'sir' want to go?
Don't know exactly where I need to go
But feel like travelling a lifetime like this
Can I get a ticket?
Morning, sir
Rajendar, let's go Lots of things to do
Rajendar, get in What are you waitin-
Hey! 
Child
What are you doing here?
On your way to the station drop me in Royapettah
You know our Sumalatha?
This is a function in her house
Will you kindly get down?
- Why?
- Get down right now
You think a Govt vehicle is for your personal use?
Govt official's Govt vehicle
It cannot be used for anything other than official purposes
You take some random drunkard and murderer in this vehicle
I carried you in my womb for 10 months
Can't you give me a lift?
Then how will I go?
Get an auto with a working meter
If he doesn't use his meter, then call me
To hand him over to you and for me to walk on the road, huh?
Fat hopes!
Supposed to be DC's mother
But I get no freebies at all
Changed your mind, deaf?
There was a Chief minister by the name Kamaraj 'l'lll the very end his mother lived in a small house clad in rags
This is called integrity
Mimicry?
Terrible
Mummy, auto
Rajendar, tie your shoe lace
Thank you very much
Ah...mummy
Hi.,_!
Hi.,_!
First time I wore a sari
I looked at myself and felt it draped well on me
So not wanting to let all that beauty go waste I called my 'boss'
Finished appreciating me?
Can I go now?
May I know where this 'excess beauty' is off to?
Friend's baby showers
Means of transport?
Auto, naturally
Your fiance's fine car is cozy but empty
And you're choosing an auto over this awesomeness?
This is a Govt vehicle
What is Govt?
What is Government, Rajendar?
Sir, your brain would have already had a better wave!
You might as well say it
Govt means for the people, by the people, of the people
Right, Rajendafl
Indeed Indeed!
You get in I'll drop you
Can my friends come along too?
Of course, Baby 3 of them can sit at the back more than comfortably
Rajendar
Yes, sir
How do we go (mm Awe: m Besank "agar by a shun cuY!
?
If we go fast, we can reach in 5 minutes flat
Take Chengalpet by-pass, via Red hills catch the Maduraivayal route
Short and swift We'll reach in 2 hours, sir
Zip, zap, zoooom!
Yes, sir
Thank you, sir
Thank you, brother
Let's go in We are late
You go, I'll join you
Thank you, sir
Thank you, sir
Okay, bye
Why don't you come in?
What will I do inside?
How can you feel this way?
We will also have a similar function in the near future, right?
Of course
Then come in and find out
- Shall I come in too?
- No need
If they offer coffee or snacks I'll tell them my driver is outside
I'm waiting, sir
"Motherhood is life, praise be As pure as classical Tamil's glory"
"Bangles gold and diamond In your slender hands adorned"
"Memories imprinted today will never change in any way"
"Silent language of eyes in love Stays a secret to others around"
"On this single festive day fun-filled Many days of pleasure fulfilled"
"My mind will forever cherish this Every moment of every day in bliss"
"Universal language Eyes in love exchange"
"Zillion stories that stay untold through eloquent eyes will unfold"
Sir, come and apply sandalwood paste
Not when elders are here
There's no such thing in this world as elders and youngsters
Only good and bad people
Don't be formal, sir
Darling boy!
Ma...!
'There was a Chief minister by the name Kamaraj'
Mimicry?
Yes
Terrible
Coffee
I'll go bride hunting for you leaving no female unturned!
You won't say 'okay' to any of them
You'll find a girl all by yourself and you expect me to say 'okay', huh?
Why this silly ego, child?
Ego or Pogo, my foot!
Do I have any right of my own?
Only if you find the girl you have the right, huh?
Nothing like that
If you like that girl and you say 'okay' only then I'll get married lfl don't say 'okay...?
Shouldn't say all that
What if I don't like hel'?
Then I have to say 'Tata, bye bye, see you'
Go ahead
Maaa?
I don't like her one bit
What a wonky face!
You go there Give her this coffee
When she finishes drinking it go and drop her wherever she lives
What are you looking at me fol'?
Go 1-up on me!
59% you?
You happily offered me a lift in your car this morning
Why this sudden sulky look?
Nothing, I just feel sad
In case my mother said something to hurt you don't take it to heart
You mean that chat
She is she is just a child
If you tell me your conversation it will be easy for me to convince her about you
Forget it
Don't bring that up now
Tell me
She said she doesn't like me
She said this marriage will never happen
Why do you switch off in an instant?
First change that expression
This doesn't suit you one bit
Let me tell you what we spoke
- If you don't like me 
- If you don't like me
I wanted to ask you the same question
Viji is my whole life, dear
For 30 years I've showered all my love and raised him
I won't do anything against his will
In case you don't like me you'll take Viji away from me
His kids won't know me at all
Then these 30 years will hold no meaning, right?
Have you ever felt you don't have a daughter?
I am very fond of girls
To comb her hair, braid, dress her up, jewelry
Not only that
A woman can talk heart to heart only to another woman?
My son takes excellent care of me
But now and then I'll feel sad I don't have a daughter
I don't have a mother
Only a father
My dad loves me very much
But a 1000 fathers cannot equal a mother, right?
To bless me with a mother and gift you a daughter I think God willed Wjay and me to meet
In the short time I've befriended Vijay Vijay spoke to me maximum about his ma, amma, 'child'
In this whole world the person Vijay loves most is only his mother
Won't I definitely love whomever the person I love most loves, ma?
I don't feel like calling you 'aunt'
I want a mother like you
Please
Would you like to have tea or coffee?
I'll go and make it
Even after you step in here as my daughter-in-law I'll do all the household chores
Tweak his ears!
Child...!
Wow!
North Deputy Commissioner is in tears
Whoever wants to see it's free for all!
What else did 'child' ask you?
Asked me the date of our honeymoon?
'Shouldn't I be married then?
' That's what I replied
'Then what the hell are you waiting for?
' she asked
Don't yell
Warden will skin me alive if she knows I'm still out
What will she do?
She'll throw my bag and baggage out with you
Why the hell didn't you tell me this earlier?
Sleepyhead warden!
Don't shout
You do it all wrong every step of the way
What did I do?
Come here
No, I won't
Warden?
Arjgp , , A m Wawxwoaqvxwwi
"My love, one and only Precious princess royalty"
"You saved my love-money My pretty treasury"
"To caress and see My zamindar sweetie"
"When your hands touch me this fair firework will blaze glowingly"
"I for U, you for me Together will be a tsunami"
"you for me, I for U I love you, my beau"
"Frisky fish, just you wait I'll hook you with a bait"
"I'll join the dots, dear On you, spotted deer"
"I am the hen in the coop angelic You are the rooster romantic"
"I am the tiny cracker waiting You're the incense stick igniting"
arjgp , , A m Wawxwoaqvxwwi
"In any town or city if there's no love there isn't soil below and sky above"
"In our hearts if love doesn't beat somehow"
"Boys and girls act against nature's pact"
"The second your eyes hit on me my love blossoms again swiftly"
"Profess your love face to face My love's dream you'll be always"
"This exotic flower in a 'kasavu' sari When I comply, why do you act pricey?"
"With your eyes enticingly don't lure this fiancJ© endearingly"
"In my heart a ripe banana like you bears fruit once in a blue moon"
"With parting lips if you come near me I'll feed you kisses thrice a day, baby"
"Feisty fish, just you wait I'll hook you with a bait"
"I'll join the dots, dear On you, spotted deer"
"I am the hen in the coop, your date You are my rooster, my soul mate"
"I am the little red cracker waiting You're the incense stick radiating"
arjgp , , A m Wawxwoaqvxwwi
"Don't dodge or defy me Sit beside me willingly"
"Many a scent in one flower won't exist in this world for sure"
"Even if so, no way will it be as fragrant as you, honey"
"Meow meow moustache kitty shall I feed you bottle milk, my baby"
"My love, one and only Precious prince royalty"
"You saved my love-money My pretty treasury"
"To caress and see My zamindar sweetie"
"When my hands touch you gently this fair firework will blaze glowingly"
"I for U, you for me Together we'll be a tsunami"
"you for me, I for U I love you, my beau"
"Frisky fish, just you wait I'll hook you with a bait"
"I'll join the dots, dear On you, spotted deer"
"I am the hen yearning for you You are my rooster, my love true"
"I am the cracker waiting to glow You light me up with great gusto"
arjgp , , A m Wawxwoaqvxwwi
"Hey! 
Darling fiance"
"Precious princess, tell me"
arjgp , , A m Wawxwoaqvxwwi
Listen to me
Greetings, sir
I need to file a complaint
The inspector has gone to eat He'll be back now, please wait
I just saw the message
Who is that?
Don't know, sir I'll go find out
No, ask him to come in
Good evening, sir
Please sit down
V\Ihat's the complaint?
My daughter is missing, sir
What's her name?
Where does she work?
Her name is Raji
She works in Techo park near Tambaram
She went to work as usual on Wednesday morning
She hasn't come back home as yet
Wednesday means-
Missing for 3 days now?
Yes, sir 3 days since you saw her
You didn't complain in the nearby police station
I complained
What did they say?
They took money from me and promised to search for her
When I went and asked them yesterday they said 'your daughter must have eloped with some chap'
They spoke so crudely
A lady constable over there was kind enough to guide me here
My daughter is not the kind to run away, sir
Office and home
Her whole world is just this
When did you talk to her last?
On Wednesday night around 8 or 8:30 p.m she called and said, 'I will be back home in an hour, pa'
Those were her last words to me
An hour laterl called her as she wasn't back home
Her phone was switched off
Sir...
Her photo, sir
I need to enquire with Raji's colleagues, her team leader, project manager
And a couple of her friends
They work during the morning shift
They report only after 9:00 a.m
Let's not do this during working hours
Please come during lunch break
I'll request them to spare 15 minutes
You can talk to them during that time
In 10 minutes flat I want all of them in here
Done!
There are 4 entrances on the whole to this building 15000 employees work in 3 shifts
How can we tell specifically how this girl went, sir?
You have security cameras in all the 4 entrances?
Can you find out checking the footage?
Yes, sir
Pause...pause
Rewind the 3rd camera
Play
Pause
Zoom in
8:42, gate #4
Raji left the office premises
We have assembled everyone in the office, sir
No one is being secretive, sir
We haven't got any leads, sir
My shop wasn't even opened, sir
My aunt passed away I went back to my hometown
- If you lie, I'll break your teeth 
- I swear, sir, it's the truth
- I saw her, sir 
- When?
She recharges her phone in my shop usually
She recharged for Rs 300 when I was closing shop on that day, sir
- What time roughly?
- Between 8:30 and 9:00, sir
Did she go this way?
KG Tech bus stop is on this road, sir
You can get a bus or share-auto over there, sir
The land behind belongs to you?
All that is Govt land, sir
KG Technology bus stop
This is the bus stop the shopkeeper told us
Check that CCTV
Yes, sir
I checked from 8:40 p.m till the next morning
That girl hasn't gone anywhere past this camera, sir
At 8:42 Raji has stepped out of her office
Yes, sir
She has recharged at the bunk shop
Yes, sir
But she hasn't crossed this bus stand
Yes, sir
So between the bunk shop and this bus stand something has happened to her
Yes, sir
But we haven't got any clue so far, sir
Sir, we found a cell phone
We've checked the number It is Raji's phone
And her ID card, sir
What distance from the road did you find all this?
Throw-able distance, sir
Vehicles that crossed this place from 8:42 to 9:00 p.m on that day
Check that detail
3 vehicles have gone during that time span 2 two-wheelers
One I think with a husband and wife
Another was a girl on a scooty 3rd is a red Audi car
He has driven at a supersonic speed, sir
Get the owner of the Audi car
He is the culprit
Yes, sir
Before tomorrow morning the girl should be back home
Kannaiyah!
Look over here
This room, sir
Magistrate is here
We must immediately record her dying declaration
Dying-
YES, so.
Sir...sir
Look what they have done to my daughter
Rajendar
Sir, come with me
Vijay, the victim was brutally raped again and again for the past 3 days
She has lost a lot of blood
Her intestines are also damaged
Most probably the rapists must have been piss drunk
To erase the semen traces, they have inserted a rusty iron rod-
Aiy°---aiV°-..
God!
Raji dear?
Please try and answer the questions sir asks you
Okay, sir
Rain
The reason I am asking you is what happened to you should never happen to anyone else again
And to punish those who did this to you
I know-
I know how difficult it is for a girl to re-live it and tell me
Think of me as your 'anna' and please tell me, dear
I'll take them to task
Anna...?
Ask the doctor to kill me, anna
I can't bear the pain, anna
I haven't done anything for my father, anna
on! 
My Lord
Rajendar!
Get an arrest warrant for that mongrel
Yes, sir
That's all, sh'?
All over, sh'?
Just a week ago we discussed her wedding
She said her sister is studying to be a doctor
And we need the money to pay her fees
So she didn't want to get married this year
Todayl have buried the same child, sir
I can't do anything because I have 2 more daughters to take care
Some day or the other as a police officer ...or as my daughter's brother ...if you can, please bring the criminal to justice, sir
Good morning, sir
Not to worry We'll find out
Yes, Vii-W?
I've come with an arrest warrant, sir
Arrest whom?
Minister's son, Ashwin
What are you saying?
In IT officer Raji's rape and murder case Ashwin is the main accused, sir
She has herself said so in her dying declaration, sir
No! 
My son would've never done anything brutal like that
Do you know whom you are accus-
Sir, where is Ashwin?
I would like to know too
Where is my son?
That's what I am also asking
He has been missing for 3 days
Mad woman!
She hasn't eaten for 3 days Worried sick and weeping
My men have searched throughout the city for him
Not to be found anywhere
In these 40 years of my political career for the 1st time lam a broken man
You are justified in being suspicious
As a politician I would have lied countless times
That is common
But this is a personal issue 2 days ago he told me his son is missing
Without any publicity he requested me to look for his son unofficially
So Karikalan is searching along with his team unofficially
You won't be able to find him like that
What is your suggestion then?
Should I file a complaint?
Will you tell the Press Or the media?
Or stick posters in every nook and corner?
Go ahead and stick all you want But I want my son back
Sir, you know what I'll do if I find him, right?
What will you do?
You'll arrest him, produce him in court and shove him into prison, go ahead
Do your duty as a policeman to the best of your ability
But I know what to do as a father
Other than your biological bonding he's prime suspect in an important case
I have the fullest faith in your capabilities
Nab my son and put him behind bars
I'll come with a promotion order and land up at your doorstep!
My best wishes
Stop the car
Yes, sir
Rajendar, why is this case leading to dead ends?
Let him go to the dogs, sir
What do we gain catching such brutes?
How can you say this?
Can't we nail him down using Raji's dying declaration?
Are you unaware of the statistics, sir?
This was reported last week in the newspapers, sir
In India last year alone 33,000 rape cases were filed
In 1 day an average of 93 rape cases, sir 4 women in 1 hour like Raji are raped
The very thought makes me tremble, sir
If this is the % of cases filed imagine those covered up due to the shame factor
Or being dealt with by the Panchayat
Think of the countless cases, sir
If you file a case against 4 only 1 serves the sentence
The other 3 walk out with a swagger!
Sorry, sir
Such is our country's present plight
Sir, he is from an affluent family
The salary we earn in 1 year will be spent on renowned lawyers in 1 day ...to defend him, sir
In just 10 days he will come out and have the last laugh at us, sir
We will be transferred
Or sent to protect some minister
We'll move on
This kind of sensational news lasts for maximum 2 days in the Press and media
Wedding of some actress will become hot news
And this will be buried
Poor man, her father will lose his life grieving for his daughter, sir
That bloody mongrel will next time rape another girl but with even more caution
Sorry, sir
In case I spoke out of tum-
No...no, every word is true
Tell me what should be our next move
Why are you asking me, sh'?
I am an ordinary constable
And your driver
What can I do?
Okay, you are an ordinary man
You catch him somehow
What will you do?
Sir, I'll beat him black and blue, smash his face beyond recognition
And hang him in the middle of the road or under this bridge upside down, sir
Go, look below this bridge
Sir?
Just take a look
Sir.._!
I'm starving, Rajendar Order some tiff in for me
Also call his father and ask him to come here
Yes, sir
Shekar, that's all, huh?
Wait, we are hunting, right?
Please co operate, sir
Move back
Go back
Don't over crowd Listen to us
Where is my son?
I need to talk to him
After that you can take him wherever you want
Or remand him to custody wherever you fancy
I don't know if you can talk to him
Ganesan
Just uncover that sheet
Hey! 
Ashwin
Oh my God!
Don't touch the dead body, sir
Hey, get lost
Please sign here, Vijay
Can you predict anything, doc?
Definitely it is a brutal murder
His face has been smashed by an iron rod
There are signs of him being tortured for 2-3 days
How do you say that?
You can differentiate the bruises 24 hours earlier and later
His manhood has been chopped even before he died
Anwhing else?
I can give you more details only after the autopsy
Thanks, doc
Thanks, Wjay
Sorry, sir
I didn't realize you were here
Vijay, I want to talk to you
Whom do you think could have done this?
I don't know, sir
Whoever it may be I have to punish him a fate worse than death ls your son the most righteous man?
He is an accused rapist
Criminal
Curse, sir
Whom does it spare?
That's why he is dead
You were able to find out who raped a girl within 10 hours
I will give you the next 10 hours
I need to know who killed my son
I have to mete out a punishment worse than death
Sir, it could be anyone
Public...?
Or the Press here
Could be her mother, father, brother
Her brother could even be a police officer
The brother may just happen to be IPS Vijay Kumar
You can't do a damn thing about it
The body will be brought to your house this evening
Please inform your kith and kin
Baby
Where did you go leaving me all alone?
I missed you
I won't go anywhere without you
Teacher, what brings you here?
Need bread?
Where is Wjay Kumar?
He has gone to deliver a batch of cak-
Didn't you ask for Joseph?
I asked for Wjay Kumar
He confided in you, huh?
His real name is Joseph
He is called Wjay Kumar as pet name at home
You were in Tamil Nadu earlier?
What are you doing here?
One day when we were casually talking, he said... '...
Keralites open bakeries and tea shops here in our state'
'Why can't we do the same in Kerala?
'
That's why we made this move
There isn't any flashback for this
What happened to Mithra?
Whose daughter is Nivi?
I am really concerned about Vijay and Nivi
That's why I want to know
Please
Ni
I got a little delayed
Hey! 
What-
Fake sacred ash, eh?
You're meeting someone important I am myself tense about it
Who?
Father
Father from our church?
My father
You mean my father-in-law?
Yes
Aiyo! 
I haven't prepared anything
Is this some kind of exam for you to prepare?
Just talk properly That's enough
At least give me some clue about him
One and only English word he has an aversion to-
Sorry...?
Police!
Oh my God!
It's me
That dumdum sitting over there is your dad, right?
I'll smash you
Shut up and follow me
My aunt
My sister Pallavi
Hello
My dad
Good evening, sir
Dad, Wiav
50"'!
Tell me
Go ahead
It's okay, you tell me, uncle
My name is Ramakrishnan vijay!
I thought looking at him his name must be Ramakrishnan, Viswanathan, Mohanasundaram
And I was bang on
He introduced himself as Ramakrishnan
Sorry, sir
Just in lighter vein
Cool...cool
Sir, I don't have afather
Only mother
I know the difficulties of a single parent very well
I also know the mindset of a child growing in such a situation
I have also gone through it
How much longer will you worry about Mithra's future?
I will take care of your daughter very well, sir
Much better than you!
Both of us bonding is called love, sir
But marriage is our families merging together, sir
I swear I have yearned for a little sis like her
I'll get a little sister
I don't have a father to explain right from wrong, sir
Now I'll get a father-in-law who will pat me on my shoulder and advise me
Take a voluntary retirement and come with me, sir
We can rent out a house Ground floor and 1st floor
We can walk together Read the Hindu paper together
Sit on the terrace together without anyone knowing 1 beer
I am an honest police officer who never takes a bribe
Basically I'm weak in math, sir
The money I eam through fair means you can teach me how to invest in the share market
I'll drop Pallavi in college, sir
My mother beats Master Chef hollow
I'll ask her to send you the yummy chicken and mutton she cooks
What do you say, aunt?
If Mithra calls you aunt holds good for me too, right?
If you make 'paniyaram' you can send it to my mother
You and my mother can watch TV together
But all these plans are only for 1 year
After that you'll have baby-sitting duty!
Sir, in life, family matters more than anything else
If you don't approve this wedding won't take place, sir
Without you I don't want Mithra, sir
Sir, don't think I am buttering you up
I really feel this way
I might have proposed to Mithra when it was just the 2 of us
With her whole family I want her, sir
I spoke nonstop and if you still look at me suspiciously I understand
You think my job is a dangerous one
I used this during the training period
Maximum I have shot in my life is the toy gun during Deepavali
Such a big-
Sir, coffee?
Thank you
Sir, if you drink this cup of coffee it means you accept me as your son-in-law
Please, pa
Down!
WjayHVijay!
Down!
"Bullets flying in mid air Gunshots echoing everywhere"
"Teaching a lesson judicious Stirring dust he strides victorious"
"Sparks of fire fly and soar War of a kind never before"
"Whoever the enemy he dares them boldly"
"He is the spark who makes a mark"
"A torch of fire stirs to inspire"
"Fire up Be on top"
What?
Sorry, sir
What do you mean 'sorry'?
Have mercy on me!
Let's clear out of here
This is a policeman's life
At least now get it into your head
Mithra...!
Hey...hey wait
Black tea Less sugar
Lemon tea is even better
Good morning
Does this seem fair to you?
It's very tough for a policeman to get a girl
With great difficulty I found a girl fell in love, met her family, almost convinced them
Just when we were drinking coffee your goons butted in
How frustrated and mad I'll be!
Love scene over there was cut half way through
Thanks to your mediocre henchmen fight scene was nothing to rave about
Listen to me, Vanamamalai
If you want to take revenge you need a few goons and a couple of stooges
But for me none of the above apply
I'll singlehandedly push you into a serious condition and vamoose
How's that?
!
I'll take a gun and shoot everyone like killing a host of sparrows
Then I'll myself send a task force to find out who the killer is!
Got it?
I have plenty of work piled up
I have more powerful villains than you to tackle
I can't keep circling around you
Bye
Don't smoke
Bad for health
Meeting over
Black tea cancelled
'Anna', you don't seem to be taking any action
I dream about your son every night
I'm unable to accept his absence
My son is dead
My wife walked out on me
My 40 year political career is down the drain
He shouldn't have an ordinary death
We have to punish him with something worse than death
Think about it
You want to know about that?
That's no problem
I was thinking-
Mithraaaa!
I'll leave you both to talk things over
Bye
Why are you avoiding me?
I am really clueless
Mo, Vijay
This doesn't seem right
What?
I don't think this will work out
That's what I'm askingmwhat?
OUR LIFE!
I don't understand, Mithra
You being a superhero may bring happiness and comfort to the whole city
But it doesn't hold good for his wife or his parents for sure
Are you scared?
I can't afford to lose you
Yesterday when some goon slashed you with a knife not...not just me ...my dad, Pallavi, aun-
Mithra, don't cry okay
You come up with a solution
Tell me what we can do
Tell me what I should do
Don't be a police officer, Wjay
Let's get married immediately
If you can't get me an auto
I'll leave right away
You won't shake hands as one last bye-bye?
Wokay
Thank you
Trying to get rid of me
Silly goose!
I knew you would be back
Only difference is didn't expect you so soon-
The extent to which I love you same amount I love my job as a police officer
I will never lose you for my job or vice versa
You won't leave me, will you?
Promise!
I will always be with you
Let's go and get married right away
Aiyo! 
It's pretty late
Doesn't matter, huh?
It's okay arjgp , , A m Wawxwoaqvxwwi
"Every day thanks to you my heart beats anew"
"Your breath without announcing merges with mine affirming"
"The second your hands clasp mine"
"Tears in the alcove of my eyes align"
"With your chest as my head rest I feel like dying, soul friend"
"Thanks to you every day my life makes headway"
"Your breath secretly merges with mine quietly"
"We should both be blessed with a lifetime of happiness"
"Comforts in lavishness"
"In total exuberance"
"With kisses kindling pleasure A well combined mixture"
"Wealth earned in just measure 'With kith and kin, joys to ensure"
"Picture perfect future"
"1000 years of our lifetime destined Like flower and its fragrance combined"
"With children and no sorrows To be together for all tomorrows"
"For a life time and many births too With ties of love bound true"
"With the grace of GodAlmighty I pray my wishes come true for infinity"
"Even if sun rises new sky should paint a purple hue"
"My head on your lap, my love-ly share stories lovey-dovey"
"Your glance towards me should last endlessly"
"Your scent on me Forever present, baby"
"Where does happiness end?
Let's travel the whole length"
"When you look at me repeatedly my love intensifies wholeheartedly"
arjgp , , A m Wawxwoaqvxwwi
"Every day thanks to you my heart beats anew"
"Your breath without announcing merges with mine re-affinning"
arjgp , , A m Wawxwoaqvxwwi
"In my heart surges love Infinite treasure trove"
"Many births I may need To show it in thought and deed"
"Births countless fused, I pray"
"We should live together, right away"
"'l'lme may stop or end Our love will always extend"
"When you look at me often my love magnifies smitten"
arjgp , , A m Wawxwoaqvxwwi
"Thanks to you every day my soul makes headway"
"Your breath secretly merges with mine quietly"
"The second your hands clasp mine"
"Tears in the alcove of my eyes align"
"With your chest as my head rest I feel like dying, my sole soul friend"
Sweetie pie
Sugar cube
Baby!
Looks like you are very happy today
I feel complete
Don't get it
Loving husband
Mother-in-law who is more of a mother
A baby like an angel
What more can I ask for?
So I feel complete
Goose!
For Nivi's next birthday I'm trying to prepare a little brother as the gift?
And so soon you feel complet-
Hey! 
Mithra
Didn't occur to you to change baby's dress?
She has smeared cake all over her dress
I'll take her up to bathe and change her dress
Finish clearing the kitchen soon Go up and sleep tight
You want a baby brother, my dear princess?
Even my mother understands
Not interested
I am quite contented with Nivi, thank you
Okay, we'll stop with Nivi
I know
I know you don't like my profession
You accepted it for my sake I know that too
For my sake you have sacrificed a lot, I know
But you must be having a dream of your own
Anything
You can't fulfill that
I am asking you
At least I'll try
Shall I tell you?
Under the foot hills an idyllic village
Whenever we wish it should rain
Such a beautiful climate
Small house
You should keep hearing birds chirping all the time
Baby should go late to work and come back home early
A boring desk job
A run-down 2 wheeler
You'll drop and pick up baby from school daily in that
No TV No mobile
We talk only to ourselves
Then an adorable pup
I've even thought of a name figer
Without getting angry with anyone
Without disturbing anyone
The 3 of us should happily live for ourselves in our own world
At least 1 day?
Baby!
This is it?
Your dream?
What kind of a wife am I to you?
What kind of a wife are you to me?
Mithra...?
'You won't leave me, will you?
'
'Promise!
'
'I will always be with you'
Mr Wjay Kumar
Can you hear me?
One is dead here
Where are numbers 2 and 3?
'Anna', I can hear some sound upstairs
Let's g0 "P
Kari?
What is that noise, baby?
Let me go check
Who are you?
When this elder1y lady was talking you took her by surprise!
My name is Vanamamalai
I came to wish your son for Deepavali
They are so happy downstairs
You can rest in peace without any worry
I lied for the heck of it
Let the soul leave her body happily
'Anna', his baby is here
Here
Are you enjoying your bath, darling?
Bathemenjoy yourself
Enough...enough
He might die
I need to talk to him
What happened?
You poor soul!
I'm eager to ask you this
Wife is dead
Mother has breathed her last
Your baby in the bath tub is slowly dying
Now how do you feel?
Tell me
You feel as if you could have died instead
I was wondering what punishment I should give you worse than death
I gave it
My heart is at ease now
You made a big blunder, Vijay Kumar
How will this 70 year old man avenge his son's death?
So you brushed me aside and moved on
You tossed me like awonn
I bounced back, right?
But you shouldn't die right away
You should watch what is happening around you
And die a slow death At snail's pace
'Though I wore the khaki unifonn I couldn't do a damn thing'
You should feel this and regret
Such a poor soul I feel sorry for you
Kari, whether this police dog or a mongrel like you
Whichever dog comes in like a scent hound, this murder shouldn't be found out
- Got it?
- Yes, sir
Hey...get this also into your head
No one should get even the ashes of Wjay Kumar and his family
Okay?
Take our baby to the nearest hospital within 15 minutes, you can save her
I won't survive
Leave me here
If you'll be a police officer again leave Nivi behind here if you can be a good father to Nivi and only that-
You didn't answer my question
What kind of wife am I to you?
You are like another mother to me
Mithra!
That Vijay Kumar died 5 years ago
Hoping this Joseph will be happy lifelong I pray to God every day and night
Move aside
Cheta, how could you say this?
If it hadn't rained, we would have showed him our true colors
This is the man I told you about
Forgive me
I didn't do it deliberately
They touched my child
As a father I lost my cool
That's all
It was wrong
I won't interfere again in what your men do
Let them also-
50"'!
He got scared, Cheta
He is not scared if we touch his child once more he will kill us
Where does he work?
He runs a bakery
That's not his profession
Enquire more about him okay
"Kindle aflame Master of the game"
- Baaaaby!
- Hiiiiiiiiiii
Baby, we are going on an excursion tomorrow
Hi.,_!
I spoke to Cheta
I'm sure no other problem will crop up
Even otherwise, you should be careful-
Hey! 
Stop
Miss takes real good care of me
So we should also take good care of Miss, right?
Let's take Miss safely back to her house
Let's go, Miss
I'll drop you
Miss, if you are in a hurry you can go back home walking
This bike and your feet will be the same timing
Let's go, baby
How do we go to your house?
'Don't know exactly where I need to go'
'But feel like traveling a lifetime like this'
Can we go?
We can go, ma'am
I am okay
Don't laugh, baby
You are feeling too much Not good for your health
Who is teaching you all this?
It all comes in a flow, baby
Baby, can't I also join in your excursion?
This is school excursion, baby
Only babies are allowed
Just because I call you 'baby' they won't take you
Understood?
I do
Baby, you should take care, okay?
No, I won't
In the bus you shouldn't stick your head out
I will look out of the window
You shouldn't stretch your hand out
I will do that too
You shouldn't go alone anywhere
I will go
If any stranger gives you anything you shouldn't accept it
I will take it
Baby, I'm gonna miss you
I'm also going to miss you
Bus is here
Get in
- Hi, Nivi 
- Hi Kutta
Nivi, be a little careful with Kutta, okay?
- Take care 
- Okay
Careful
I'll take care of her, uncle
I'll tear you to pieces
Go behind and sit, dear
I'll break all your teeth
Sorry, uncle
Shut up
Bye, baby
Hello
Vijay Kumar, I heard you are still alive?
It must be around 5 years since you cried, right?
For my sake now cry for 5 minutes
I feel like hearing your whimper
Doesn't matter
When you cry I'll myself call you
Kvm N"! 
Sun").!
Save my son, sir
You are fine, my dear
Where is Baby?
Kutta, open your eyes
Kutta!
Baby, Nivi is fine She is conscious
Didn't you hear me?
Baby is fine
Our child is fine
But because of us so many innocent children-
Uncle!
Hello?
I heard a piece of good news
Your child is still alive it seems
Shall I tell you the bad news?
I'm on my way to kill you
What will you do now?
You'll go to the police station?
How will you identify yourself and file a complaint?
As Vijay Kumar?
It's 5 years since Wjay Kumar died, Joseph!
Joseph Kuruvilla
Your heart must be beating erratically
You'll feel like running and hiding again
Think about your last wish
I am on my way to meet you
What is he saying?
He wants to know my last wish, bro
ls there no one to support us?
Why did you come here?
We came here trusting you
He is interrogating inside
Were you drunk?
What speed were you driving in?
120, sir
You hit a pregnant lady 2 lives
I must file a First Information Report
Whatever formalities we can do all that, sir
If I file this FIR now you have to run around for 5 years back and forth to the court
Even if you appoint a lawyer you'll be spending 1 to 1.5 million
Then medical expenses for the girl and settlement etc another 1 million
It will cost you 2.5 million to finish this case in 5 years
I close this case in front of your eyes, right this second
What can we do?
You let me know
Shall we close the case with 3...3 million, sir?
That's a good boy!
Sir, if you ask me such a huge amount right now, how can I arrange it?
Then...?
I'll make sure you get it by tomorrow morning, sir
Lie down on this bench
Pay me in the morning and make your exit
Would you like some tea?
No, sir
Go ahead and drink You're like my guest
Ganesa, order a glass of tea for sir
Sir, with less sugar
Interrogation is over FIR has been filed
You can go to court
Leave now
If you say this what will we do?
What will you get by standing here?
Do something You were our only hope
Go...go Don't waste time
Special tea, sir
Grandma, they have taken a bribe
They won't help us now
Who said that?
No, sir
How dare you lay your hands on my son!
You'll let your child wander on the road
And then demand money blaming the driver
I won't leave this place without getting due justice
Can't think of all that now
Come early in the morning, dude
Switch on the generator
Our family deity!
One who guards us day and night!
Won't you come to our rescue?
Ganesha...!
1 minute, sir
No petrol at all
You! 
Ganeshaa
Sir?
Order black tea for me
What is the case?
Drrr...drunken driving, sir
Has the FIR been filed?
Not yet, sir
Why?
Karikalan has fixed a deal, sir
Where is Karikalan?
He is here, sir
Ask him to come in
What, man?
DC is here, sir
Shukla sir, huh?
Old Deputy Commissioner Vijay Kumar, sir
What are you blabbering?
How can a dead man come here?
I swear I saw him, sir
Drank something in this cold weather and blabbering
Ganesan...?
Who ordered black tea?
Ganesa?
Who is it?
Who is there?
Kari...!
'I am waiting'!
Ganesa...?
Sir?
Call that drunken driving case inside
Yes, sir
You! 
Come in
How much were you willing to grease his palm?
3 million, sir
Give that entire amount to the girl's family
Admit her in a good hospital if you are planning to escape not willing to do all this-
Move back
The body was hanging over here?
Any evidence?
Nothing till now, sir
Okay, go ahead
Tell me
The victim is an assistant commissioner
That too inside his den
If there's any problem people used to call 100
Now the call is from 100 that an AC is dead here
If a policeman cannot be protected in his own station the Press is ripping us apart on the safety of the general public
Yes, sir
What do you mean 'yes'?
You're a cop, right?
Couldn't you have averted this?
Assistant Commissioner was killed
I'm just a head constable What can I do?
Tell me, Mr Ganesan
During this incident, you were the only one in the police station?
Yes, sir
Tell me who killed him
Vijay Kumar, sir
Vijay Kumar is dead, man
No, sir I saw him
I swear on my mother
I've worked with him in this same station for 5 years
How can I forget his face?
He drank the usual black tea he likes
Look at that Height of hospitality!
Are you out of your mind?
Wjay Kumar who died 5 years ago reappeared and killed Karikalan
Yes, sir
How can you say 'yes, sir'?
Try telling this outside
They will laugh their heads off
They will definitely ridicule us
But that's what really happened
What do I-
Sir, come here
Make sure he doesn't tell all this to anyone
Ask Dr Chandru to counsel him
Go...go I know
Take how many ever police troops you want
I want results
The deceased is one of us
Whoever murdered Karikalan can be a VIP for all I care
We should shoot him
Yes, sir
This has to happen, before the Press brands us as inefficient lunatics
Who killed Karikalan?
On one side the police force claim they are investigating the crime
Those present in the crime scene claim it is Wjay Kumar, the Deputy Commissioner
Vllhole of Chennai is trembling in fear A villain was killed yesterday
Those at the spot claim Wjay Kumar is the killer 3777 is his jeep, I know It went like a rocket!
A smoky form I ran for my life
'No one was driving The jeep moved by itself'
'But his face resembled \fljay Kumar 100%'
Do you remember commissioner Vijay Kumar?
He killed the minister's son in Raji's murder case
When he was DC, he has taken so many measures for safety of girls
Only person to respect software professionals
But isn't he dead?
As a human being he asked forjustice
They killed him
He is God, what will they do now?
What are you blabbering?
How can a dead man come alive?
Only the body dies Not the soul
Whether ghost or God he is helping us That is enough
How can he rise from the dead?
We will make him come
How?
We'll make him live through Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp 'ls a spirit the killer?
'
'Or did God punish the wrong doer?
'
'Or is a mysterious man behind this whole affair?
'
'Tamil Nadu is waiting for the reply'
Come in
- Sit down 
- It's okay
They claim Wjay Kumar is a spirit
The media oscillates between ghost and God
Is this some internal politics where you finished him off?
And used the dead man as a scapegoat?
The man who died is in a way related to me
No, sir, I think-
Don't give lame excuses to me!
I don't care who the killer is
Shoot him dead
Will do, sir
Okay, you can leave
Greetings, bro
You killed one of our men
Ratnam, we are interrogating regarding this murder
I know what you are up to
Vanamamalai and you are hand in glove!
Hello, renowned industrialist
Did you kill Karikalan because he is with me and no longer working for you?
Don't be stupid, whacko
Wjay Kumar killed him
We killed Wjay Kumar, 'anna' How can he come back alive?
Talking through his hat!
Hey! 
Let me explain
Vijay Kumar is alive
He is the one who killed Karikalan
You and I are his next targets
You plan to kill me?
Go ahead Let me see
You are like a brother to me That's why I wanted to caution you
Be on your guard
Same goes for you
I looked upon you like my own brother
That's why I didn't grab you by your collar for killing Karikalan
You take care of yourself
Hey! 
Take care of this old man He might go missing all of a sudden
If I don't pick your call shouldn't you know I'm busy
Bugging me with calls
Whaaat?
'I am begging you Please go back to work'
I beg you-
Wretched fellow!
If I don't hand over the building in 75 days 1500 million down the drain
Sir, I've been goading them daily
If they work beyond 6 floors according to rules, we must provide them with safety nets
We've built up to 30 floors
We are still working because it is urgent 1 casualty per week
8 people have died
Move aside
They are all kids
Using this as a reason no one wants to work
Who is the contractor?
You! 
Sait, come here
We don't have time to be talking now
Work shouldn't come to a standstill whatever may be the reason
Rs 100,000 per person 8 people, 800,000
That is not the problem
They are all poverty stricken tramps
They are homeless
Nothing to write home about
And no kith and kin to claim them if they die
Fine, I don't mind I'll round it off to 1 million
As if you will give this entire amount to them?
!
Go...announce it in Hindi to them
Our discussion is over
He has agreed to all our demands
Hurry up, get back to work
I'll talk to you in the evening
Who is this little boy?
This dead lady's son
Son...sonny
He doesn't understand Tamil, sir
He can't speak this language
But money talks, right?
You're worth only this much
Get yourself some candy
Okay?
Eat chocolate
Ratnam is never the kind to get frightened
For the first time, he has called us here to keep watch
After Karikalan was killed he is scared to death
When I first joined Vanamamalai to learn the tricks of the trade do you know how much I was humiliated?
Only because I brushed all that off ...today I'm able to construct this multi-storied building
I heard a rumor that Karikalan was killed by Wjay Kumar's spirit
You think a spirit can kill?
Is this a topic to discuss at night?
You and your fertile imagination!
I thought I saw something go past
You got scared
Come
Let's check
Over there
Who is it?
Catch it
Grab him
What was that?
That's Sathish
Let's go
Surround this area
Go away, Satan
Go away, Satan
GO AWAY, SATAN!
What is that sound?
Let me go check, uncle
Kanhi...?
Where are you?
Don't hurt me
I'll give you my entire savings from my bank
RNNkM'.!
Someone has fallen from the top floor
Hey! 
All of you, come
Check who has fallen
'Eat chocolate'
Good morning, sir
He is lying here like an orphan
What the F are you doing?
Sir, we are interrogating
You don't have to bother interrogating
The killer is Wjay Kumar
Who?
Trust me, he is alive
Sir, can I talk to you in private?
Sir, people are saying you and your brother didn't see eye to eye
So you killed him
Oh! 
Super
I got it
Congratulations
I'll handle it
Reverse the cars...turn
I don't want any policeman following me
Looking at this khaki unifonn sends shivers up my spine out...get out
Hello, Vijay Kumar?
They call you a ghost Hail you as God!
You are a rat
A rat hiding in a burrow frightened for its life
Like how you killed Karikalan and Ratnam did you think I would be your 3rd victim?
I expected a lot from you
But so flat and easy you fell into my hands
Flatly
Easily
Can't hear you
I'm growing old
I didn't fall into your hands
You've fallen into my trap
You have to go up to Kerala without anyone's knowledge
Why now all of a sudden?
Vanamamalai's henchmen are looking for us in every alley, nook and comer
If you step out of here that's enough
They will themselves find you and take you to their boss
They will thrash you to reveal my hideout
I swear even if I die I won't whisper a word
You should whisper!
You should point your finger at me okay
Only then those imbeciles will come here in search of me
You never know
Even that chief dumb-ass Vanamamalai will come here and stand right in front of me
Baby';?
Our death will never hurt us, Wjay Kumar
But when our loved ones die-
Who hit you, baby?
You shouldn't cry, baby
I love you, Pa
Love you too, darling
Does it hurt a lot?
Who are these people?
Your mother should have been alive
My mother too
Today both of them are not with us
It is because of them
Today their dearest wish is we should also not be alive
So our mothers were...
Your mother and mine were-
mu they say 'sorry?
Did they feel sad they had done something wrong?
I will ask them to apologize to you
They won't understand, dear
Let me try once
UP t0 you
Grandpa, apologize to my dad
Wham?
If you do something wrong you should say 'sorry' at once
Look at this child
Sweetheart, I must repeat my mistake once more
When I finish that one 'sorry' will cover all crimes
Okay?
He doesn't understand, baby
You tell him in the language he will understand, okay?
Rajendar!
Yes sir
'Have a blast, baby'
Teacher, come along Let's leave this place
Isaac! 
Finish them
Let me see you touch my child if you pride yourself in being a man!
"Rock on, dude Ace it with attitude"
'THEN, baby!
'
Good show
Thank you
Killing you is no big deal, okay?
Instead of taking my revenge on you I thought raising my daughter was priority
You can call me a coward
A dastard!
Whatever name you can think of
But I have been a great father to my daughter
Knowing you killed her mother when my daughter came up to you and said 'grandpa, say sorry ...that's my moment of victory as a father
When an innocent girl was raped and murdered by your son ruthlessly that nano-second you lost your qualification as a father!
Raider, rapist, terrorist, drunkard, scumbag, slimeball, criminal, crook
For these people to have become so immoral their fathers who did a bad job are solely to be blamed
Every single father who is incapable of raising their children properly is a culprit
I made a mistake
Before killing your son I should have closed your chapter
You wanted to know my last wish before dying, right?
Shall I do it?
Such a poor soul
I feel sorry for you
Clear
Special squad 36 reporting, sir
Yes
No one in the expected zone, sir
Zone clear, sir
Okay, clear
I will meet you after 48 hours with the name of the assailant
A rumor is floating now Vijay Kumar is the killer, sir?
You've yourself called it a 'rumor'
How could a dead man come back to life?
Sir, some people claim they have seen him?
Who has seen him?
Can you name them?
To ensure good circulation don't irritate us
Sibi sir, all 3 deceased are influential people in society
VIPS who cannot be touched by law
So I suspect your police department has used some ghosting technique ...to eliminate them
What does 'ghosting' mean?
I don't get you
Maybe your own police department used a smokescreen as if Wjay Kumar is dead
Punished those who cannot be touched by law through him
It is a strong doubt of mine
Maybe you should stop reporting
And start writing stories with your fertile imagination 1 last question, sir
Go ahead
Murder cases of many top leaders have not been solved, sir
"my
Recently-
Understood
We are not investigating if they are dead or alive
We believe they are alive
I really don't know if Vijay Kumar is alive
But he will show up to avenge a crime
Everyone is petrified, sir
So I believe the crime rate has reduced in our society
What do you feel?
Crime rate has come down, right?
I'll see you soon
Thank you
What a volley of questions they come up with
Want to have some black tea, Vijay?
'A Few Years Later'
"Skies cerulean Fields viridian"
"Look at us, you and me Lost in paradise happily"
"Love can never drown here"
"The flowing waters are testimony clear"
"The quietude and tranquility drew lines of serenity'
Good evening, Baby
Whom are you making tea for in an empty tea stall, uncle?
Nivi, you are back?
What happened?
Just finished school
Baby, we changed our names and city
Even our appearance
But we just can't change teacher's Malayalam one bit
Taking a dig at me!
Mr Dharm eswafl
- That's me 
- Courier, sir
Baby
What, baby?
I have a small job to do
I will be out of town for 10 days
'Go, get them, baby'
"Bullets flying in mid air Gunshots echoing everywhere"
"Teaching a lesson judicious Stirring dust he strides victorious"
"Sparks of fire fly and soar War of a kind never before"
"Whoever the enemy he dares them boldly"
"He is the spark who makes a mark"
"Kindle aflame Master of the game"
Subtitled by rekhs
"Bullets flying in mid air Gunshots echoing everywhere"
"Teaching a lesson righteous Stirring dust he strides victorious"
"Sparks of fire fly and soar War of a kind never before"
"Whoever the enemy he faces them bravely"
"Rock on, dude Ace it with attitude"
"Young commander People's crusade?
'
"In ajungle dense in many a place"
"A deer that didn't graze"
"Acting pricey, dude What an attitude!"
"Goofed, out of line, blooper Way off mark, screw up, blunder"
"You spoilt me I ruined you, sweetie"
"Let our lips play in hannony"
"I caressed you willingly You touched me wildly"
"I will never leave you, trust me"
"With your look sexy don't tattoo me"
"Into my lips with brazenness don't kiss me senseless?"
"Are you dried fish gravy yummy?
Or sugarcane yet to be chewed softly?"
"The moment I touch you, baby our lips get tinted with mehendi"
"Playing hard to get though interested"
"Wrong, error, trip Dumb thing to do, slip"
"Jasmine white moon, you are my 'idli' Every night I'll feast on you eagerly"
"My cheeks are dimpled for you to play 'count and capture', my beau"
"My lips on yours sweet Nlyjaggery cube treat"
"You scream for ice cream You are the baby of my dream"
"My baby in my life-stream"
"0' get the beat back"
"A deer that didn't graze"

Okay, everybody.
We're starting in ten minutes.
Ten minutes to start!
Come on, Gabe, triathlon's about to start!
Hey, Max. 
How are you, honey?
- Who's that?
- That is Ava.
She works at the club.
- She's pretty.
- Yeah, she is.
Lookit, there's Mom.
- Whoo! 
Hey, boys.
- Yes.
- Hello.
- Whoo!
It's almost time.
You've got to give her a pep talk.
Okay, lay it on me, kids.
- Try to be a gracious loser.
- Yeah?
Remember what happened last year?
The police will not always be so gracious.
Okay, I'm feeling it. 
Put it here.
Great talk, great talk, great talk.
- Whoo!
- Go get 'em.
I got this.
Dr. Millicent Silvano...
- Watch out, people!
- Hello...
Coming through, coming through, coming through.
And welcome, everybody, to St. Matthew's Free Clinic annual triathlon.
Even County General, who this year will eat our dust, losers.
I digress.
LA's hospitals have contributed their finest tricyclists, hippity hoppers, and roller skaters...
Woo-hoo!
To this fierce sporting spectacle.
The clinic gets the entry fee, the winner gets the bragging rights.
So, does every tricyclist have a bedpan?
Okay.
Ready, steady...
Go!
Go, Forester! 
Go!
Oh, man down!
Hey, Marty.
Grab your big ball and get in position.
There's this stupid story about last year's intern.
The hippity hopper who dropped the bedpan.
They eventually found her body, right?
Her body?
Yeah.
Her career?
No.
Oh, God.
Doctor? 
Nurse?
- Administrator?
- Consultant.
Oh, that's how you spell "ringer."
- Give it to me!
- Here!
Whoa! 
Back off.
Yeah, go, Mom!
Go, Alex! 
Go, Alex!
Don't, I'm pregnant!
Ha, ha, ha!
Hey!
Don't screw this up, Alex!
Hey!
Come on, Alex!
Yes, come on, Alex!
Sorry, are you okay?
My backside's a bit sore.
Would a kiss make it better?
Whoo!
That's right, baby! 
I won.
Alex, Alex! 
Are you really pregnant?
I'm just... 
I'm gonna get you water. 
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
- Sorry, I'm kind of busy.
- Yeah, we're swamped, I know.
I'm so sorry I upset you.
Yeah, it was a joke. 
I get it.
I like to win. 
I won!
And sometimes I say things, and...
Look, Al, it's all good.
Yeah?
Exam room two.
All right, looks normal.
- Hi, I'm Dr. Panttiere.
- Hi.
I know you.
I work at the Waiting Room part time.
- Right.
- You put down "dance teacher."
Was.
When it gets slow, Brian lets me wait tables.
You didn't finish filling out the form.
Here, sorry. 
Hospital rules.
The part where it asks male or female?
- Your form needs more boxes.
- Ah.
I was assigned male at birth, but I've always identified female.
I take hormones and I'm in transition.
Cool.
Which pronouns do you prefer?
"She" and "her." Thanks for asking.
Of course. 
Okay, where does it hurt?
It's just along my ribs here.
Okay.
Excuse me.
There's some contusions.
I'm gonna press lightly along your ribs.
Okay? 
See if there's a fracture.
Let me know if there's any sharp pain.
The whole area is just sore.
What's this?
That's my right breast.
No, the hard tissue.
I want to do a fine needle aspiration and some imaging studies to be sure.
It might be nothing, maybe just fibrous tissue, but let's not take any chances.
Ji-Sung will schedule the appointments, and once we get your results, we'll take it from there.
Okay?
Okay.
Hey, excuse me.
Didn't we collide at the track?
A woman never forgets a man that makes her see stars.
Do you need to see a doctor?
Just did. 
All better.
- That's beautiful ink.
- Yeah, thanks,
- I'm a tattoo artist.
- Really?
No way.
Tribal, portrait, floral, geometric?
What's your specialty?
- Transformative.
- Wow.
I fractured my forearm; the scar was permanent.
- So I did this.
- That's beautiful.
People come to me with scars, amputations, things that make them feel unattractive.
So I take those wounds and transform them into beauty.
Do you ever transform old tattoos?
All the time.
All right, I've got something I want to show you.
- Is it a tattoo?
- Yes.
- I didn't mean...
- Uh-huh, no.
- Sorry.
- Call me.
I want to see what you've got.
Still talking tattoos?
I thought Brian was back.
He's got another couple days.
But it looks like he's going to get that club, fingers crossed.
Well, you're a very good boyfriend and a hell of a husband, should you need a reference.
Hey, Ava.
I've been trying to reach you all week.
You missed two appointments.
- I've been busy.
- Hey, if you need time off...
And you haven't returned my calls.
Ava, the cytopathology report is worrisome.
There are some atypical cells.
It doesn't mean cancer, but we need to do a more definitive biopsy, sample more of the tissue to find out if cancer is present or not.
Dr. Zhang is the best breast surgeon in the business.
I personally recruited him from Baltimore.
His incisions are tiny and they heal beautifuly.
How does he feel about trans women?
The same way he feels about any woman, or I wouldn't let him near my hospital. 
Okay?
Come on, after everything you've been through?
You know, caught early, most breast cancers are curable.
But the fear of letting that cancer spread and metastasize?
That bitch kills.
I'm glad we caught this early.
Oh, no, Ava.
How long have you known?
Well, I had... 
I had a little lump when I was still a boy, but I didn't think that men could get breast cancer.
Breast cancer doesn't respect gender.
Has there been any significant growth recently?
Yes.
This is your room.
You remember Ji-Sung.
She'll help you get settled in.
Hello again.
Your skin is beautiful.
No, that's... that's crazy.
Really?
- Your pores are really tiny.
- You know what, you can go.
- I got this.
- Yeah, just...
Thank you.
How tiny are they?
It's very kind of you to meet me here.
Oh, no problem.
It's on my upper back.
So...
Jesse, nakedness goes with the job.
I can handle your bare back.
Okay.
Ah, outline of a hat.
- Yeah.
- Is that a bowler derby?
Sort of.
Which signifies?
Just a crazy moment.
Ah, was it a girl?
Could be a guy, I'm not judgey.
It's complicated, but, uh, yeah, it was for a girl.
Hmm.
But she never actually saw it, so...
Not much shading and the lines are clean.
You could get it lasered off.
No, I don't want to pretend it didn't happen.
But I think it's time to move on.
Okay, then.
I have some design software.
I could show you some possibilities.
Mind if I take some photos?
Sure, that's what they all say.
Ah.
Wrong room.
Okay, people. 
You know the drill.
Budget distribution comes down to relative value units for each department.
So, rack up the points.
Because medical care and World of Warcraft have so much in common.
What kinds of points were you racking up yesterday, Jesse?
Sorry?
I walked into an examination room and there he was, half naked with a woman touching his body.
Wait, half naked?
- Which half?
- It's not like that.
She's a tattoo artist.
Wait a second, you've got tats?
A tat. 
I've got one tat.
- Do I want to see it?
- That's not gonna happen.
- Oh, he's ashamed of it.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
Completely innocent question.
Is this an imaginary tattoo?
Yeah.
You're not gonna let this go, are you?
- No.
- Show us.
Yeah, show us.
All right, sure.
You're really gonna take it off.
Oh, he's taking it off.
- Oh, God.
- Oh, my God.
What's that, an Afro? 
Or...
A hat?
- What is that?
- I like it.
It's edgy and it's English.
Wait, is it ironic, or what? 
I don't...
Did you lose a bet? 
Nerd alert.
So how about you, Panttiere?
A bowler hat?
Okay.
Must mean something.
- Okay, that is not true.
- Yep, it is.
- You're just lying to me.
- No, I'm not.
Dad! 
Dad!
It's not fair.
I'm the oldest, so I get to slice the cake.
- Right?
- Not fair.
The oldest gets to slice the cake.
Oh, yeah! 
What did I tell you?
While the youngest gets first pick.
- Dad!
- Oh!
So I would make sure that both those slices of cake are completely equal.
Why would you even say that?
That's not even a part... you're just making this up.
By the way, this is your one hour of video games for the night. 
Are you sure you want to spend it arguing about a piece of cake?
Man, you are a natural-born father.
Well, I've always kind of grooved to the crazy kids.
Did you always know you wanted them?
Yeah.
How about you?
I mean, kids were never that important to me.
My sisters got two, I mean, they're great kids.
But it was never like
I had to have one, you know?
Yeah, Alex is pretty clear about the fact that...
That, I do know.
Before she agreed to go out with me, she said I needed to know three things.
One, she spits on other people when she gets excited.
She hates being called "Alexandra."
And she's done having kids.
And you said okay.
It's okay. 
Things change, Pierce.
I mean, I love Alex.
And I want kids.
You said it out loud. 
How'd that feel?
I don't know, I don't know.
Give it to me!
Do I want to know?
Both: 
No.
Your flash mob would have rocked.
Maybe next year.
When I was a dance teacher...
You taught dance?
Mostly kids, so sweet.
Why did you give it up?
Well, one summer Mr. Andy went away and Ms. Ava came back.
That was a little hard to explain to the parents, so the studio let me go.
I still miss it.
Well, anyways.
Do me proud and show me your moves.
- Ready? 
Okay.
- Right.
- Five, six, seven...
- Ready?
In pre-op, we're supposed to help the patients relax, which is why you're all leaving.
Get out of here. 
Farewell, hookers.
- You mean "hoofers." 
- No.
Um, Ava, you can't wear makeup in surgery.
I need to get a nurse to take it off.
Please, I can deal with anything if I feel beautiful.
It's hospital rules.
Anesthesiologist needs to see the color of your skin and lips to make sure your blood is properly oxygenated.
If it's your kids you should take it.
One quick text, and thank you.
You promise you won't laugh?
I want four kids, a mini van, and to be, like, the most glamorous soccer mom that all the other moms hate.
Oh, you don't need to be glamorous.
They'll still hate you.
Because you work, and bring lousy snacks, and once, one time,
I parked in the handicap spot because I was running late.
Four kids?
Big families are the best.
Are you gonna have more?
I thought I was done, but my boyfriend and I have some issues we need to explore.
Oh.
Ava used the words "makeover."
I don't remember the rest.
Am I... am I pretty?
That lipstick is nice.
But you can't wear any.
I'm sorry.
We're gonna have to take it off.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
How about a compromise?
- Hey.
- Bad memory.
When I was still a boy in the schoolyard.
It's recess, and the boys don't pick me for dodgeball and the girls don't want me touching their dolls, and recess just never ends.
- Did you get the results yet?
- No, but...
Can anything be done about it until we do?
Then allow me to live in hope.
I love hope.
I also love spa days.
- Ding!
- Is that my makeup kit?
Yeah. 
I figured a woman as pretty as you knows a thing or two about makeup, maybe even threading eyebrows.
We could do that.
Or we could, and it's just a suggestion here, get rid of your mustache.
Both: 
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
I don't have a mustache.
- Mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- Just little one.
Mm-hmm.
- No, a couple more minutes.
- It's itchy.
- I think I'm done.
- Trust me.
No one knows more about hair removal than a trans woman.
Go.
You said you always knew.
When did you let other people know?
I was nine.
And I got into my mother's makeup 'cause I wanted to make myself look pretty for Sunday night dinner with the family.
They weren't even surprised.
The thing is, I looked pretty.
I looked right.
- And you never had any doubts?
- Zero.
I mean, I'm a woman.
What nature confused, hormones put right.
Wow.
In my entire life,
I have never been that sure about anything.
I've noticed that about you.
Yeah? 
Do you know what I've noticed about you?
Your muzzy was out of control.
Whoa.
- Hey.
- Hey.
You're killing me.
Am I making those smacky sounds again?
You're not making any sound.
You're the one who always wants to talk about his feelings.
What happened?
I learned from you.
Come on, Harrison. 
Talk.
You were up front from the beginning and told me you didn't want any more kids.
And I was okay with that, because I wanted you.
On whatever terms, I wanted you.
Okay, but now?
The minute you said you were pregnant, I saw her.
Who?
Our daughter.
I'm holding her in my arms.
She's got your smile, your eyes.
She's got my great hair.
She yelled at me for making smacky sounds.
She's beautiful.
If you tell me you named her...
Your patient's in trouble.
We used your new 3D breast tomography...
Great images, by the way.
She's got a suspicious lesion on the other breast that the digital mammogram missed.
I biopsied both sides, and they both came back with invasive ductal carcinoma.
Poorly differentiated.
Her genetic testing shows she has a BRCA gene mutation.
She's genetically male, and the BRCA 1 and 2 gene in men increases the risk of breast cancer.
I'm gonna recommend a bilateral mastectomy.
- Yeah, of course.
- Because of the aggressive nature of the disease and the tumor size.
I'll talk to her.
You want me to do it?
She's my patient, thank you.
Good work.
Alex, do it now.
You want to cut off my breasts and leave scars across my chest?
There are reconstructive surgeries and implants, Ava.
Will the hormones that I take allow me to grow my natural breasts back?
No.
I mean, the hormones, you have to stop taking them.
- What?
- Hormones can accelerate the growth of cancers in the body.
Hormones don't cause cancer.
No. 
Emphatically, no.
But what we found, it could've already existed before you began the transition.
Continued use could accelerate growth of cancer.
Nothing is worth that.
I'm sorry, Ava.
We'll manage a gradual withdrawal, but you need to stop using hormones.
You're telling me to give up my identity as a woman.
I'm telling you we can fight this and win.
Win what?
Without my hormones, I don't have my soft skin,
I don't have my roundness, I will not be a woman anymore.
You need to do this.
- Okay.
- So?
There are a lot of possibilities.
Is that a clown car?
- Spaceship.
- Spaceship.
I don't know, what would you choose?
Come on, you're a tattoo artist.
I want your professional opinion.
This is why amateurs should not get ink without using their mind or their spirit.
Whoa, this took a turn, all right.
Body art is the most personal statement you can make.
You're writing on your flesh to tell the world something indelible about yourself.
You don't ask another person what that should be.
This Maori tattoo, a boy from New Zealand.
These bougainvilleas, a cousin I lost too soon.
This stupid goldfish, summer theater camp.
I regret nothing, especially my mistakes.
Your bowler hat?
Something touched you so deeply that you wanted a record of it, so you wrote it on your body.
Not in glitter, but in ink.
Permanent ink.
Now you want to change that?
Let's find the thing that you want more, and we'll write that on your body.
You know, not a lot of therapists would let me have a session while shooting hoops.
I discovered it was the best way for my stepson to talk to me, too.
I didn't know you had a son.
Trevon was from my ex-wife's first marriage.
After we split, she wouldn't let me see him.
The woman has no problem cleaning out my pockets to pay for his private school.
Sorry, I had no idea.
He's a good kid, so I deal.
Well, before your marriage, how important was being a father to you?
Hmm, I couldn't imagine it before it happened.
Now I can't imagine my life any other way.
Am I missing something?
Am I gonna regret not having kids?
That's the question I should ask you.
Do me a favor and don't.
Any chance of Alex changing her mind?
What are the chances of you changing yours?
Max, you got my message.
Thanks for coming. 
I need all the help I can get convincing Ava to have the surgery.
Oh, uh, when was the last time you talked to her?
This afternoon. 
What's going on?
There's not going to be any surgery.
- Ava...
- I get it.
I'm gonna die young and it's not gonna be pretty.
But I'm gonna die the woman I was born to be.
Will you talk to her?
- You think I haven't tried?
- I don't understand.
If your offer to take me home still stands,
I'd like to go.
You know, for the first time, I don't believe you're a woman.
Excuse me?
What does being a woman mean to you?
You have no idea how entitled you are.
Okay, maybe. 
But owning my gender identity has nothing to do with hair or makeup or clothes. 
That's drag.
Did you just compare trans to drag?
All I'm saying is real women fight.
Real women endure hardship to live another day.
You want to own your identity as a woman?
- Stay with me and fight.
- I don't care what you do or you don't understand.
This is me saying no.
This is my decision, and it's no.
Excuse me, I'm here to see Dr. Shane.
Actually, I'm a little early.
He said I could set up in exam room four.
I'll take her.
How far along are you?
"Don't, I'm pregnant."
Yeah, yeah. 
I'm not pregnant, just a thing I wish I hadn't said.
I figured, but hey, you pushed me into Jesse's arms.
So, thanks for that.
I looked you up.
- Did you?
- You're good.
The work you do with amputees is amazing.
You're an artist.
Ah, that's what Jesse said about your suturing.
Did he?
Most surgeons sew your body back together, he said.
But Alex sutures like she could restore your soul.
Did he mention everything I know, I learned from him?
He left that part out.
Come on. 
Come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
Okay.
Ooh, ooh, eee, eee!
No!
Whoa!
You don't have to kick the thing.
It's got feelings too, you know.
Inanimate objects don't have feelings.
Like your heart.
That's where you're wrong, Panttiere.
You've got to be one with the claw.
- "Be one with the claw." 
- Feel the negative space.
Yeah.
- Compensate.
- Compensate.
Compen... what?
Yeah.
You see that?
You had a seriously misspent youth.
- What, you don't want it?
- Yeah, I want it.
Hmm.
- It's a stupid bowler hat.
- Ha.
It's a tiny bowler hat with a hair clip.
You're missing the point.
Is that an actual smile?
I forgot you knew how to do that.
You know what my days are like since I was banned from surgery?
I change dressings on venous stasis ulcers.
- That smells.
- I plate sputum.
- Hopefully in a petri dish.
- I disimpact bowels manually.
You know, you've got to triple glove yourself if you're gonna do that.
And you know what? 
I can't even go to Cleveland, because you wouldn't recommend me.
Oh, stop your whining.
- I saved you.
- Saved me?
Mclntyre was gonna fire your ass, and I got her to change it to a probation.
You keep your head down for six months, and you'll be fine.
Without you.
Yeah, without me.
You know what I have to say about that?
I can't. 
I can't, you're leaving.
This never happened.
It happened, all right.
And that's the john.
Shoot.
You can't prove it.
Jesse!
Oh, you're finished.
What did he change it to?
I think that's a question you need to ask Jesse.
Yeah.
Probably not.
The bowler hat!
That was you?
It's been a strange day, and it's about to get stranger.
I'd like to ask you a favor.
I love you too. 
Congratulations.
That was Brian.
He made an offer on the club.
Vegas, baby!
Come on, everybody loves Vegas.
- Sin City, huh?
- For a weekend.
Hey, Ava.
You got a moment?
Grilled cheese is today's special.
That'll raise your spirits and your cholesterol.
I want you to meet someone.
I'm Ruby. 
I'm a tattoo artist.
Would you like a table or a booth?
I'd like to show you some photos of the work I do on people with surgical scars and amputations.
And women with mastectomies.
I'm not doing this.
You should take a look at these, Ava.
They're really pretty amazing.
This woman took shrapnel in Afghanistan.
Even with her flak jacket, her chest was crushed.
Now look, a phoenix rising.
And this boy, his arm was nearly severed in a car crash.
And now it's beautiful blue bolts of lightning.
These photos are just examples of how people have turned loss into beauty.
Something you already know.
None of these people planned to look like this.
But something happened, and their plans changed.
They could've gone the rest of their life feeling ugly, or they could redefine what beauty is.
You were born in the wrong body and you made a change. 
You can make another.
I won't look like a woman.
Nothing can change what's true.
Fine.
Hydrangeas.
- Hydrangeas?
- Hydrangeas.
Easter Sunday, my mom used to wear a hat that looked like hydrangeas.
She looked like a movie star.
Why do you care so much?
Because a good woman is worth fighting for.
Let's see what the pathology says.
I believe I have negative margins.
In terms of closure, inversion sutures following the chest contour might prevent hypertrophic scarring.
- I'm aware of that.
- I know it's not protocol, but I'd like to do the closure myself.
Allow me to observe your technique.
Is that a 5-0?
I want a 6-0 monofilament.
Oh, Alex.
Max called when you were in surgery.
- Is something wrong?
- No, no, no.
Gabe pulled his tooth out in school.
Oh, my God, he did?
They make such a big deal about it when a kid loses a tooth in school.
They give the kids this fake plastic tooth to put it in, and everyone congratulates you...
You don't know.
Huh?
This is gonna be a tough one to get around.
Yeah, but it doesn't mean we can't get around it.
Can we put this on hold?
- Yes.
- Okay.
But we're coming back to it.
- Okay.
- I need to.
It must feel tight, but that's just the swelling.
It'll go down.
This is gonna help a little bit with that soreness and back pain, okay?
We customize the breast forms to fit your body.
I know it's been a rough two weeks, Ava, but you know all about transitions.
It's gonna take a while.
You say that like there's gonna be an end to this.
There is, I just got your pathology report.
Now, you'll still need radiation and tamoxifen, but we got it.
I'm not talking about the surgery, Alex.
Wait!
- Ava!
- Wait!
You can't leave until we dance for you.
- Are you crazy?
- We're not crazy.
We are Hip House Hospital.
Hit it.
Keep your day jobs.
Thank you.
Was that a vote of confidence?
Hello, ladies.
Ava, this is your new support group.
Welcome to breast cancer survivors.
Okay, let's just get this out of the way, because some of you might not want me in your group.
- Why is that?
- Because I'm a trans woman and I make zero apologies for that.
Did you have a mastectomy?
Yes.
Ava, in this group that makes you just one of the girls.
Just one of the girls.
So, I hear you have new tattoo.
What does it look like?
A lot like the old one.
Someone told me I should only replace an old tattoo with something that means more.
You kept the bowler hat.
You did this, didn't you?

[cheerful music]
#Harvey#
#Harvey#
#Harvey#
Uh, well, uh, the first time
- that I heard Lunar Moth...
- It changed my life.
There's that song... [together] # Roddy, roddy, bock, bock, bock #
- # Roddy, bock, bock, bock # 
- Bock, bock, joddy,
♪ Bock, bock, bock, bock, bock ♪
And their other songs, but I really only know that one.
Why would you even ask?
I would never listen to that evil music!
Those sick beats, mate.
They just rock!
[melodically grunting]
- Mom! 
We gotta hurry!
- Mom, I have to go.
You remembered to lock Michelle's crib, right?
[crashing,screaming]
Gotta go, bye.
[phone beeps]
Yes! 
Freedom from the cage of parenthood!
Oh, except you, Harvey, I love you!
I love you, too.
[guitar riff reverberates] Wow!
There's so much rock in the air tonight.
I wanna reach out and touch it!
[straining efforts]
Your old man's played a few of these gigs himself.
Mikey's party, that other birthday party.
Yes, dear, we all know how wonderful your band is.
But the Lunar Moths are so hunky.
I'm so ready.
I know all the rules.
No mosh pits, no strangers, and always carry a lot of hand sanitizer.
Hello there.
It's my first concert!
- Hah, you're gonna love it, kid.
- Oh, yeah!
#Yeah# [heavy rock music]
[gasps] [crowd chanting] [crowd cheering]
Hello, Littlebark!
Now who's ready for Lunar Moth?
[cheering]
Okay, but first we have someone ever better!
Please welcome my wonderful...
Dad, I'm not ready!
Beautiful, talented, uh, wonderf...beauti...
did I say...beautiful...
Okay, I'm ready!
Go away!
Please welcome...
Princess!
Everyone here is ugly and I hate you!
[beatboxing to hip-hop music]
So are we in section "Rock," "Roll," or "Rock N' Roll"?
Hmm, this ticket says "Rocky Road."
Let me see that.
Irving, that's a frozen yogurt stamp card.
Oh, ha, right.
[humming]
Here you go.
One official Lunar Moth mask.
Now you look just like the band!
Yay!
[gasps] [shimmering tone] [sighs] Son, what's wrong?
It's just, I feel so bad for all the kids who don't have an official Lunar Moth mask.
Well, they're just not gonna have as good of a time as you.
I think our seats are over here.
Hey, guys, wait!
Can I get one of those helmets?
- Yay! 
[laughs] 
- Oh, yes! 
Yes!
Oh, I don't know, Harvey.
We haven't even found our seats yet.
Irving! 
I can't believe you.
I got an official Lunar Moth helmet at my first concert.
And it was hardcore.
And my son's gonna be hardcore, too!
[gasps] Please, Dad?
Can I be hardcore?
Okay.
[rock music playing]
Hey, this line doesn't look so bad!
Hah, yeah, when I was in a band we didn't, uh... we didn't sell a lot of merch.
But didn't make it any less cool.
Right, Harvey?
Both: 
Harvey!
[humming] [gasps] You're not my dad!
You're not my son!
[all yelp]
We don't have a son.
[grunting]
Mom?
Dad?
Mom?
Mom?
Harvey!
The crowd is too...thick!
Go to our seats!
I don't know where the seats are!
We'll meet up...
with you...
later!
Mom? 
Dad?
[grunts] [panting] Aah!
No!
No, what are they doing?
I don't understand!
[screaming] [grunts, groans]
Oh, no!
No!
[panting]
Uhh!
Oh, that's wet!
Disinfect, disinfect, disinfect!
[panting] All right.
Just say calm.
I've got my belly bag.
I have my will.
I'm just gonna go back out there and find Mom and Dad.
How much are these masks again?
I told you.
25 bucks.
Aw, for $25, this thing better fit my kid's head.
Whoa, he's gonna need the large.
50 bucks.
Both: 
What?
Mom?
Dad?
Uh, excuse me.
Have you seen my parents?
[both scream] [grunting] Hey!
Oh, no, I've heard of this.
Aggressive kicking, carefree spinning, reckless shoving!
It's a mosh pit!
[crowd yelling] [screams] # Ohh, yeah #
Uh!
Oh, no!
Don't stomp on me!
I don't wanna be a mosh potato.
♪ I've got what you need don't you pick on me ♪
Ohh, gross!
Gotta get some hand sanitizer from my belly bag.
No!
[panting]
Help! 
Help!
My hands are dirty!
[gasps] [laughing]
Uh...
Ha!
Claire?
Piri Piri?
I caught the rock and roll bug.
And I got hit by a brick.
[chuckles]
Do you need some help with something, sweetheart?
[screaming] [panting] Oh!
Hey, why isn't this beach ball in the air?
What?
No!
[grunting]
It's just, I want Harvey to have a good time, but not $50 of a good time.
Isn't there any way we can lower the price?
- Maybe slip you a 50?
- Irving!
[screaming]
Put me down!
[beatboxing] [screaming]
Hey!
[grunting]
This is nothing like when I listen to Lunar Moth at home.
[crying]
Hello?
Hello, little bird.
What's freaking you out?
Well, it's my first concert.
And it's just been so overwhelming and awful.
I think I'm through with concerts, music, and everything.
I'm just gonna to stay here until the show is over.
Little bird, I know this can be overwhelming, but concerts are superduper fun.
Just look at that jolly guy.
Or those monkeys.
Everyone enjoys concerts in their own way.
Yeah, but some guy sweated in my mouth.
Ah, yeah, sweat in mouth is no good.
But you don't get to experience anything really cool without being a bit uncomfortable.
So, you just have to, uh...
What do you have to do?
You gotta...you gotta... gotta...gotta embrace the chaos.
Embrace the chaos?
I don't know.
Well, little bird, I-I gotta go, so, uh, try to enjoy the rest of the show.
Remember, it's not being afraid that matters.
The most important thing is...
Cool Lunar Moth mask.
And amp.
And guitar.
Wait.
You guys are... [rock music] [crowd cheering]
Hello, Rockbark!
[crowd cheering]
We are L-L-Lunar Moth!
We have this very special guest tonight.
I-I just met him backstage and... come to think of it, I don't even know his name.
But you know what?
I think he should come out and start us off!
What do you say, little bird?
[inhales deeply] [crowd cheering]
[camera shutters clicking]
♪ Doop, doop, doobie, doobie, doobie ♪
♪ Doop, doop, doobie, doobie, doobie ♪
♪ Doop, doop, doobie, doobie, doobie, yeah ♪ [together] # Doop, doop #
♪ Doobie, doobie, doobie, doobie ♪ [together] # Doop, doop #
♪ Doobie, doobie, doobie, doobie ♪ [together] # Doop, doop #
♪ Doobie, doobie, doobie, doobie ♪ [together] # Yeah # [together] # Doop, doop #
♪ Doobie, doobie, doobie, doobie ♪ [together] # Doop, doop #
♪ Doobie, doobie doobie doobie ♪ [together] # Doop, doop #
♪ Doobie, doobie doobie doobie ♪ [together] # Yeah #
- # Doop, doop # - [together] # Doobie, doobie #
- # Doobie doobie # - # Doop, doop # [together] # Doobie, doobie, doobie, doobie #
♪ Doop, doop, doobie, doobie, doobie, doobie, yeah ♪
♪ All week I've been working ♪
♪ Looking forward to today ♪
♪ I never fail to smile when we light up the fire ♪
- # Fire # - # Playing in the grass #
♪ Our problems seem to fade away ♪
♪ We never worry 'bout the things we do or say ♪
♪ 'Cause these words do not mean anything ♪
♪ But either way we still get up and sing ♪
♪ Doop, doop ♪ [together] # Doobie, doobie, doobie #
♪ Doop, doop, doobie, doobie, doobie, doobie ♪
♪ Doop, doop, doobie, doobie, doobie, doobie, yeah ♪
Both: 
Harvey!
Both: 
Harvey!
[gasps] Mom and Dad!
Hey, remember, little bird.
You just gotta... listen to the beat.
The beat in here.
Embrace the chaos.
♪ Doop, doop ♪
♪ Doop, doop ♪
♪ Doop, doop ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ [crowd cheering]
[light music]
Ahh.
[cell phone rings]
What do you want?
Yeah, I'm at the stupid lake right now... it's dumb!
Everyone here is lame!
All the boys keep trying to talk to me and ask me out.
So annoying!
It's like they can't even deal with how hot I am!
Excuse me, Princess, but could you keep your voice down?
It's just, we're all trying to relax and... [sucks teeth] Oh, excuse you!
I'm having a private conversation here!
Gah!
People here are so rude.
Oh, yeah, I hate 'em all.
It's like, I know I'm better than everyone, so shut up!
[spits]
Aah!
I hate you guys!
[all cheering]
Thank you, thank you.
I got a letter here for you, Lake Spirit.
I reckon it's the one you've been waiting for.
You read my mail?
Of course.
For safety reasons.
Hmm.
What have we got here?
[shimmering tone] [clears throat]
For acknowledgement of your years of exemplary service, we hereby promote you from lake spirit to ocean spirit.
Congratulations.
[shimmering tone]
I can't believe it.
I'm getting promoted.
Yah-hoo!
[screaming] [upbeat music]
So you're leaving us?
But I don't understand.
Who's gonna tell me not to eat the sand?
No one!
Oof!
[munching]
Children, children, you're not getting it.
Let me explain what it's like to be a water spirit.
[shimmering tones]
Thousandsofyearsago ,
Istartedout as a young puddle spirit.
Wha?
[laughs]
Iwasarealgo-getter and protected my puddle withallmy might.
Eventually,I waspromoted to swamp spirit.
Pondspirit.
Riverspirit.
Brieflydemotedto  above-ground pool spirit.
Butmydreamwas always tomoveto theocean.
Oh.
But, Mr. Lake Spirit, why would you ever want to leave Littlebark?
It's basically the most special place around.
Harvey, sweetie, I've been sitting in this lake for over 800 years.
I think I've had enough of Littlebark.
Okay, so I just need to pack up a few things, then I go.
Oh, wait, does anybody need a couch?
I've got to get rid of my couch.
I can't believe he's leaving.
I'm not afraid to admit it,
I'm gonna miss the big man.
I always thought of him like an uncle who sometimes yelled at us.
You heard what he said.
The guy's sick of this town.
But that's because he's been in the lake the whole time.
I bet if we showed him all the awesome stuff that Littlebark had to offer, he'd never leave!
I'll be right back!
So this is the couch I was telling you guys about.
I also have a quesadilla maker.
- I'll take it!
- Stop eating sand!
That's not your job anymore!
[munching]
Uh, Mr. Lake Spirit?
Before you go, please allow us to give you a tour of Littlebark!
It won't take long.
And then you can leave forever.
[ding]
Well, I guess I have some time.
[spits]
Let's go see your town.
As we begin our tour of Littlebark, please stay together and keep your hands out of your mouth.
- That part's for you, Foo.
- Blah!
Did you know... 
Littlebark is home to a variety of things.
This thing.
This shrub.
That guy.
[gasps]
Also, Littlebark's population is roughly 4 million... if you count all the rocks as people.
- Yeah, I wouldn't count...
- Hey!
Look at this neat-looking twig.
All: 
Ooh!
You won't find that kinda twig in the ocean.
Things aren't looking too hot for the Littlebark Pussywillows.
And it probably isn't helping that the game's announcer is a total bummer!
Nothing makes me love Littlebark more than cheering on the home team!
I don't know, Harvey.
Our team isn't very good.
We're getting creamed.
[all grunting] [bell dings] It's kind of depressing.
[sighs]
I'll be right back!
Serious question:
why can't I get a girlfriend?
- Aah!
- Wowee!
Things just got a little exciting for Littlebark!
This game is really starting to heat up!
The rival team fumbles!
Number 4 grabs the ball!
No!
No one stops him.
That's right, number 4 could go all the way!
Oh, my goodness!
[upbeat music]
And he scores!
[bell dings] [crowd cheering]
A million points to the home team!
Littlebark wins!
[all cheering]
That was awesome!
[ding] [ding]
If you are an outdoor adventurer who loves a good hike...
I love a good hike.
Littlebark has the sprawling views.
Huh.
And what's this?
An endangered mountain beetle!
Wow, what are the chances?
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.
[camera shutter clicks] Magnificent!
[buzzing] Whoa, two mountain beetles!
How lucky can we be?
[buzzing] Ohh, he's doing the mating dance.
[buzzing]
Things are about to get pretty weird.
[buzzing] [screaming]
Oh, wow!
I've always wanted to see that happen.
Next is Littlebark's hip new dance scene.
[lively music playing]
- Oh, I love dancing!
- What?
Our lovely art museum.
Wow, what a collection.
Where are they from?
- What are we doing?
- I don't know, just keep doing it!
Aah!
Uh, the Queen?
Wow.
Welcome to our lively downtown center.
It's nice.
What's that I hear?
The sounds of a celebration?
[parade music]
Oh, is that me?
I think that's me!
It's a tiny parade!
For me!
Oh, look how handsome I am!
Oh, this day keeps getting better.
Well, we still have one last place to visit on our tour.
Hooray!
Welcome to Littlebark Lake, where our community comes together.
This is where we swim, relax, hang out with friends...
And eat sand!
Stop eating the sand!
[munching]
Littlebark has special places like this because it has special people like you.
Aww.
You made me blush.
So, as we conclude our tour, let's put this down for a second.
We kindly ask you, please stay and keep Littlebark special.
[poignant music]
Wow, I never knew all those great things were in Littlebark!
I always imagined it was just twigs and mud.
But it's not.
[ding]
So, Mr. Lake Spirit, does that mean you're staying?
Of... course not.
[all cheering]
Wait, what?
[all expressing dismay]
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait wait!
Was it the tour?
Was it me? 
It was me!
I can change!
What?
No, you crazy child.
Harvey, there are other places outside of Littlebark.
Hop on.
I've got something to show you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, aah!
♪ Have you been to the clouds? 
♪
#Haveyouseenfireflies going counterclockwise? 
#
#Haveyouclimbed over mountains? 
#
#Fortheviewatthetop and a new kind of pop #
#Haveyoufeltburningsnow? 
#
#Andtheshiveryblaze lighting up the airways #
#Ortheself-assured recalcitrance #
#Orthewhimsof fancy flight #
#Andthefeistywings will pull at your strings #
#AndIwouldn't put up a fight #
#No,Iwouldn't put up a fight #
#I 'dletyougo# 
#Ahh,ahh,ahh ,ahh #
Wow!
That's a big lake.
Harvey, Littlebark is wonderful, but it's only a small part of this big, wonderful world.
[majestic music]
Well, this is my stop.
Oh!
Oh, oh, that is not warm. [splash] [gasps] Ahh.
Ah, thanks again for the tour, Harvey.
Littlebark is very lucky to have you.
[squealing]
No splashing.
[growls]
No splashing.
Ha, well, looks like I'm gonna be busy.
Good-bye, Harvey!
Thanks for everything!
Bye!
[solemn music] [laughter]
Mail for one Harvey Beaks.
Let's see, got your newest issue of "Good Boys Monthly."
This month wasn't their best, but I still enjoyed it.
- And we have a letter here.
- Ooh!
[shimmering tones] [laughs] Did I get you?
Oh, Harvey, the ocean is just what I imagined.
I love it!
Anyways, I gotta go.
There's a dolphin here that I've gotta give a stern talking to.
Oh, and enjoy your new friend.
[shimmering tones]
New friend?
[bubbling]
Hello!
Whoo-hoo-hoo.
Huh?
Who are you?
I'm your new lake spirit, you ding-a-ling!
Ooh!
Oh, it's chilly!
Well, welcome to Littlebark.
Would you like a tour?

Mr. Coldwater?
Quentin.
Quentin?
Quentin!
Describe The Beast that attacked you.
- Uh.
- How did it get in here?
Mr. Coldwater, what did The Beast say to you?
How did it know your name?
- So what is this place exactly, besides a health hazard?
- Time was, the finest meat packing plant in town.
- Yeah, it's a winner.
Hey, that star on your arm...
- I earned it.
You will too with effort, whole sleeve of 'em.
- So what does it mean?
Does it mean that...
- You ask a lot of questions.
- Yeah, I sure do.
- Oh, my God, these are real?
Every one of them?
- Guys, this is Julia.
Julia, my associates.
- Holy shit, it's...
- And that is...
I'm sorry, what's your name, sweetie?
- I'm Marina.
I'm new.
- Yeah, no kidding.
Everything up and running?
- Yeah.
- Julia, Marina.
Grand tour.
- Wait, so who were those people exactly?
- You seriously don't know?
What are you even doing here?
- I don't know.
I'm waiting for something interesting to happen.
You?
- Magic is what I'm doing here.
They're hedge witches.
We're hedge witches.
Jesus, how are you even...
- Girls, play nice.
So here is where we keep all our ingredients and such.
Keeps them safe.
- It's a...
- Meat locker, or it was anyway.
Now it is so well stocked, it's like the end of the rainbow.
After you.
- Hey!
Come on, open the door.
Hey...
Hey!
Hey, don't be an asshole.
Open the door!
Dude!
- We were frozen.
Some kind of paralysis spell... took over the whole room.
[wings fluttering]
- Let's just nip this all in the bud.
- I already told you, the Dean had something in his hand.
I don't know where it went after that.
[wings fluttering]
- You can materialize objects?
- I've been doing card tricks half my life.
I guess some of them were disappearing.
- [raspy breathing] Quentin... take this.
[clicks] [wind rushing]
- Is he dead?
The... the Dean?
- Kady!
- How did you know that spell?
- Look, I know we're not supposed to fire off battle magic, but...
I mean, come on.
[wings fluttering]
- [grunts]
- Can we just get out of this room soon?
Please?
[groans]
- I know you want to understand what happened.
Here's what I can say.
We live in a world that is one world among many.
The Beast you saw was from one such place.
We do not know the exact nature of this entity, only that it was powerful and malevolent.
- [groans] Stop it!
- And we know that it is gone now.
Wards and shields protect Brakebills.
They are encoded to each authorized person on campus and no one else.
We are investigating how this beast got through and resetting everyone.
If someone is responsible for this attack, rest assured, they will be expelled.
Classes are cancelled tomorrow.
They will resume Wednesday.
There will be a quiz.
- Alice.
Okay, um...
- Don't.
- Hey, we did that spell.
You don't get to say don't, okay?
If they find out...
- There they are.
- Glad to see you, kid.
- Oh, you poor thing.
Are you okay?
- Nurse?
No, it's okay, we're just gonna get you a nice drink.
Jesus, you didn't tell me you were dangerous.
- [shaky breathing]
Damn it.
[shivers]
Damn it.
And damn it.
Pretty sure my boyfriend's starting to get curious where I am.
- Oh, Jesus Christ, it's cold.
We're stuck, and they're trying to kill us, so...
- They're not trying to kill us, okay?
These people are not murderers.
Trust me.
- How do you know that?
- Because, they don't have the balls for it.
It's like some sort of hazing ritual, a test.
I'm sick of flunking tests right now.
I'm gonna figure it out.
[screams]
- [screams] [whimpers] [rock music]
- Nothing to see, you louche little degenerates.
Avada Kedavra.
- Whatever, Eliot.
- [clears throat]
Welcome to the Physical Kids' Cottage.
It's the single best place on campus for a number of reasons that will become clear as soon as you taste our signature cocktail.
- I-I've got to...
- Try on this dress I have.
It's perfect. 
It's made exactly for those assets you're hiding underneath that pilgrim tent.
Yes, you must.
Trust me.
Après moi.
♪ ♪
- On purpose?
Like, you guys cast it, thinking,
"Oh, monster from another world.
By all means, come on in."
So you messed up.
- It's a little bit bigger than messing up.
- Than what?
Than whatever blew up the entire third year class?
There's a bad story every few years around here.
I'm not sure that's avoidable.
Okay.
And if you confess...
- Then I'm done.
- Yeah.
- Uh...
[scoffs]
Bef...
[inhales deeply, exhales]
Before I got here, I was in the hospital.
I have... or I had...
I don't know, this thing that I couldn't shake where I felt like because nothing was ever not gonna be pointless and empty, then, uh, why go on?
And then I...
got here, and... it's amazing I survived as long as I did not knowing that I was a Magician.
I can't go back.
- So, okay.
There's a spell if they question you so they can't read your minds.
I'll write it down.
It's bulletproof.
- Thank you.
[sniffs]
Now, can you just help me live with myself?
- Okay, I'm gonna tell you something deep and dark and personal now.
Ready? 
Good.
I killed someone.
- What?
- I was 14.
He was this...
He beat me up.
So I'm walking on the street eating a candy bar, 'cause by then I already ate my feelings at a professional level, and I saw him crossing over.
[chuckles]
And there was this bus coming.
I barely thought the thought.
Bam.
I knew immediately what I'd done, that it was me.
My nose literally started bleeding.
Logan Kinear died instantly and I ruined my favorite button-down.
And that is the story of how I discovered I was telekinetic.
- If you're trying to tell me that it gets better...
- Oh, God, no.
No, it doesn't.
I'm trying to tell you, you are not alone here.
Funny little irony they don't tell you, magic doesn't come from talent.
It comes from pain.
- So, do you know what it was, the thing that attacked you?
- No, I have no idea.
- Oh.
I thought you might be familiar with some pretty crazy shit since you're family.
- Yeah, no, my family's not...
- Right.
- Yeah.
- I get it.
Mine too.
Pointless and toxic.
[both chuckle]
- [sniffles]
I didn't really learn magic formally as a kid.
- I heard you never got invited to take the Brakebills entrance exam.
How'd you even find it?
You walked right in.
- It's not that hard.
- [chuckles]
We're in the Bermuda Triangle of Upstate New York.
How'd you get through though?
The wards around the school are fingerprinted.
You're a stranger.
- My parents have alumni keys.
- Which are supposed to be charmed with McNaughton's Unstealable.
- I stole one.
- Hmm.
- Um, I just wanted to go to school.
Why do you care?
- Curious.
Just 'cause...
I don't know.
I want to be your friend, I guess.
- I don't feel like you do.
- [scoffs]
- I'm sorry, I should go.
Thank you.
- There has to be something here.
Maybe the phone numbers are, like, a code or...
- That's too easy.
- Come on.
Chop chop.
[ominous music]
♪ ♪
- There has to be something.
I mean...
Oh!
[screams] [whimpers]
- [laughs]
[groans]
- [panting]
- [panting]
Is it...
is it...
- Dead?
Mm-hmm, yeah, but it was already dead, so I don't know.
- Oh, my God.
Jesus Christ, they're gonna kill us.
Why did I sign up for this?
This is...
- Shh, shh.
Stop it, stop, okay?
- Okay, okay.
- It's dead dead now, I think.
I don't know.
- [screams] [pants]
- Calm down.
Jesus, guys, it's me.
- Pete, is that you?
- Howdy.
- Wow.
Pete, that's definitely a good look for you... an improvement.
Why don't you join us in here?
I think Marina misses you.
- Just let us out.
- Don't be stupid.
You have to find your way out.
- So this is a test, another test.
- Look, if you can't get through this, you definitely can't deal with what it takes to do what we do.
Do you want magic or not, Julia?
Did you look everywhere?
Fast, frostbite's gonna set in.
- Asshole.
Shit.
- What did that mean?
- Where didn't we look?
Where didn't we look?
Wait.
Huh.
"Une chaleur temporaire."
Temporary warmth.
[pop music playing]
♪ ♪
- [sighs] I was just researching.
- Reading a kids' book?
- What do you want from me?
I...
Jesus, we could not have screwed up that spell worse, and we can't take it back, and... you don't even like me.
- I don't know you.
- I don't know you either, except that we summoned some kind of killer mothman from another world.
- Yeah, there is that.
♪ ♪
You should hate me right now.
I dragged you into this.
It's just you showed up with that sigil on your hand, and it was the same one that was on the book that I needed, and my brother...
his spirit, I mean, sent you to help me contact him.
- So, I'm not really sure that that's what happened.
The thing on my hand, this... the sigil, it appeared when I was dreaming, of "Fillory."
- Okay.
- In my dream, the sigil on my hand, it... it came from Jane.
Chatwin. 
From "Fillory."
- Look, honestly, Quentin, growing up, the last thing I wanted to do was read fantasy.
- [sighs]
Okay.
What if, um... what if "Fillory" is real?
And I know that you think that this is just about Charlie, but I think...
I think maybe it's bigger, because what came through that mirror instead of Charlie, it didn't exactly grow up in the neighborhood.
- Okay.
- So what if it came from, like, actual "Fillory"?
- That's a leap, Quentin.
I mean, there are other worlds out there, but "Fillory" is just fiction.
- Oh, no, the Chatwins, they're real.
They lived next door to the author.
He based the characters on them.
Jesus, how do you not know any of this?
Is there someplace on campus we can to go to watch a video?
- Yeah.
- Good.
Narrator:
After living next door to the Chatwins for years and writing stories for young Jane and Martin, when Martin Chatwin disappeared,
Christopher Plover was devastated.
- This was just one of a series of painful events that haunted Christopher Plover.
It suffused his work with a sense of melancholy and loss,
And the mystery of Martin Chatwin's disappearance was never solved.
Narrator:
Even more mysterious,
Martin's sister Jane disappeared the following year.
- That's a lot of disappearing.
- Yeah, I mean, that's kind of why people are obsessed with the books, 'cause you have these kids walking into clocks, into other worlds, and they're based on real kids, and the real kids, uh, vanished.
- You're saying that Charlie vanished too...
- No, no, no, no, no.
I don't... 
I don't know...
I don't know what happened to Charlie or anyone.
I just...
I don't know.
I mean look, we called something from another world.
I don't know, can that really be a coincidence?
- So what do we do?
Don't get caught.
I can't get kicked out.
I mean, I have to find out what happened to him.
- Yeah, I know, but... what if "Fillory" is real?
Ah, Jesus, you don't understand how mind-blowing that is.
It's just like...
- Do you want to stay at Brakebills?
- Yes.
- Okay, so do I.
So let's just hide the evidence and get our story straight.
Okay?
[mysterious music]
♪ ♪
- What, you're leaving?
- I'm gone.
- Come on.
Look, I know I don't know you that well, but I know you're not the type to scare easy.
- You want the truth?
No sweat.
Hearing people's thoughts is the least of my problems.
Couple lines, right mix of meds.
- But you hurt Quentin and Alice in the lab.
- No, I didn't.
There's this voice.
Everyone else comes with a lot of static, but him, he's clear as a fucking bell.
Says he's a Magician.
That's...
That's all that I know about him.
That and everything that he taught me is real and it works.
- Holy shit.
- Let's just say life wasn't exactly nonstop fun growing up.
That's why I love that voice.
Saved my ass so many times, he's basically my only friend.
Yeah, right up until he sent me to a lab to help, and then that thing walked in through the mirror.
- You were hearing The Beast?
- I was getting duped.
- But, do they know?
I mean, Sunderland, anyone?
- No, there's no point now.
- But don't...
Penny, don't go.
Come on.
It's not your fault.
He tricked you.
Come on, don't be stupid.
Why would you leave the only place with experts that might actually be able to help you with this?
- Why do you care?
- Look, I did the spell too, Penny.
If you're guilty, I'm guilty.
- You're guilty.
- Okay, great, let's jump off a bridge.
- Kady.
I can't stand it.
- Okay.
Go.
But... hey, since you're out anyway, come do something stupid with me before you go.
Come on.
Yeah cuz uh crushed rocks you see that in spells a concentrated area of effect.
[shudders]
- I'm sorry, you knew this and you didn't want to say anything?
- Okay, well, I don't know what I know.
Years reading Internet crap and accidentally poisoning myself twice, and now I'm stuck in a freezer with some bitch.
Well, you are.
What, did you figure you wanted magic at your blow dry last week?
This is serious for some of us.
- Okay, you know what?
I'm not interested in your personal issues.
- [chuckles]
- Hey.
Wait, there was sand in that paint can.
Yeah, and I'm gonna need a knife and a bowl.
Okay.
And...
"Graisse de l'animal...
de préférence de mouton."
Animal fat.
Mutton.
Maybe there's meat?
Come on, let's go before we freeze our tits off.
Whew.
This isn't just some lark to me, so you know.
- No offense, okay, you just smell a little Ivy League to me.
- Yeah, well, it's 'cause I am.
I was.
Have you ever... have you ever heard of Brakebills?
- No.
- [sighs] Well, it's like... it's like this secret Yale, but for magic.
- What?
- And you have to be able to do magic to even get in.
- Well, I can do magic.
- Yeah, so can I.
And yet, somehow, I flunked the entrance exam.
- That doesn't seem right.
Either you can or you can't.
- No, it's not right, and yet they just left me behind.
I mean, seriously, what do they expect, you know?
Magic is real and that's the thing, and once you know that, you can't...
- Nothing else matters.
- Exactly.
It's like...
I know it's there.
It's everywhere, all around me, a whole world of power and beauty.
- [chuckles]
You can't unsee it.
You wake up for the first time.
- Yeah.
Who are we kidding?
There's no meat in here.
We've checked everything.
[breathes deeply]
- No, no way, I cannot do that.
Mm-mmm.
No, please do that.
[Generationals' "Black Lemon" playing]
- ♪ I let my old life tie me to the tracks ♪
♪ I heard my best friend tell me ♪
♪ You can never go back ♪
♪ I spent my long years ♪
♪ Learning to get out of the way ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I have been taught to turn the other cheek ♪
♪ I get my back stabbed, buddy, to the end of the week ♪
♪ I only try to make it to the end of the day ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I've seen it break so many before ♪
♪ I don't wanna stick around here and watch anymore ♪
- Mmm.
- Oh.
- Yo, this one looks bunk.
- Well, it's not.
It's Emerson's Alloy.
- Uh, alloy's rusting.
How do you know?
- 'Cause I know things.
Like this place...
What? 
It's a gold mine.
Look, you can't run away from you.
And, well, I'm here, and I'm amazing, so I mean...
[laughs]
- I'll take it under advisement, okay?
- Hey.
- No, leave us alone.
- Gladly, we just...
we've got to discuss, um...
- There you are, Quentin and Alice, and Penny and Kady.
You're exactly who I was looking for.
I found the most interesting thing buried in our woods.
Follow me.
- We never got near the mirror, I swear.
- We were studying, that's all.
- What language even is this?
- Yes, I mean, sure, I touched it.
We all touched it.
I mean, I touched... [stuttering] We were studying, so...
- Look, I'm just trying to make sense of this.
There's residue all over this book, including a summoning we believe opened the door to The Beast.
- What did you say?
- Nothing, I...
- Don't look at me.
- [sighs]
- Look, I know they're your friends.
- [scoffs]
- Okay, at this point, I just have to assume it was all of you.
- Yeah, well, it wasn't.
Shut up and I'll tell you, happily.
It's fine, let's go.
You're welcome, by the way.
- What does that mean?
- Quentin, can I see you, please?
Alice, you're free to go.
- There's nothing I can do in this moment to stop the comet from crashing into the earth, is there?
Hold on.
Uh, What is this?
- My books.
I'm headed to return them.
You've heard, I assume.
Word travels fast when you're life's over.
- Don't say that.
- They're bringing in a Specialist.
Yeah, thanks.
Ominous.
- I'm sorry.
- I don't know, I keep trying to tell myself this is somehow better, you know, not to know.
'Cause who would want to know that... that magic exists if there's nothing you can do about it, you know, if there's no one to teach you or help you.
- I... don't know what to say.
- Of course you don't, because nobody would rather not know.
You don't see color and want to go black and white.
[sighs]
You do not have to make me feel better, we... really, we basically just met each other.
- Well, I bond fast.
Time is an illusion.
Look, don't go out there and be the old you.
- How, Eliot?
I go back there, and I'm...
I'm a depressed super nerd.
- How about I find you, and I don't say magic is real, but I do seduce you, and so lift your spirits that life retains its sparkle for decades.
- Yeah, that sounds nice.
Thank you.
- Okay.
Is there any way not to get wiped?
- I don't know.
I've heard of the Specialist, and all I can say is,
I hear they're very good.
[depositing coins] [dialing numbers]
[line trills]
- This is Julia, little busy.
Leave a message.
[beeps]
- Hey, it's Q.
Look, I know when we last met that...
I'm sorry, Jules.
I am.
I didn't know it, what it must be like for you, and I-I, um, I hope that you are doing better.
- [grunts]
- Oh, my God, you're just going for it.
Ugh.
- [grunting]
- Um, so I got expelled and they are sending in a Specialist because the local brain wipe guy is dead and... 
long story. 
Um...
So if you remember or you figured out why it didn't work on you, I'd like to know that about now because I need you to remind me that magic is real.
- Oh, yeah.
[laughing] Yeah.
- You know, without Brakebills, it's just,
I'm lost and you're not.
- Magic, oh ho.
- Okay.
Let's find a way out of this shit hole.
- You can't help and I can't help you, and it's just...
[beeps]
- To send your message, press one.
To erase, press two.
[long tone]
- Deleted.
- Hey!
- Ho, ho, ho, you little piece of shit.
- You ratted me out.
- I told the truth.
- Not all of it.
- Oh, am I a fool?
- [groans] 
- Apparently not.
- Get off!
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
- [groans]
- What the hell was that, you maniac?
- Hey!
Step back, both of you!
Who shot off that spell?
- He did!
- I did.
- Infirmary, both of you, now.
- Figured it out.
The spell, or, you know, the whole point, that there isn't one...
not to get out of the room, not to keep the door locked, nada.
Cute, Pete.
Oh, and scissors make a shitty screw driver, by the way.
- Good for you.
Now you get why it was so important.
- To almost die for no reason?
- To figure out that not everything gets solved by magic.
Key fact if you want to last the month.
- You're not still debating letting me into your club, are you?
- Hey, I invited you.
- No, you attacked me in a bar, in the bathroom, on my birthday.
I'm done trying to prove myself to you.
- You weren't.
You were trying to prove yourself to me.
- That means level 50.
- Um...
Uh, wait, s-so you were...
- Top bitch in New York, for starters.
- Um, and this was...
- Me discovering how much I like you.
You are smart.
You're passionate.
You question things.
- You messed with my head!
- Think about how much you learned about how to do that for when you're level 50.
- [scoffs]
- Hey, don't be mad.
- Don't be mad.
- How am I supposed to trust you?
- Why would you ever trust anyone?
I am willing to teach the right people everything I know, and I know a lot, because I have certain connections in certain places, just like, for instance, Brakebills.
- Brakebills.
- You want a drink?
- Let's get a drink.
Might burn a little.
This is why you're not supposed to throw this kind of magic around.
If you're lucky I can fix this.
You're lucky you're not expelled.
- Yeah, so lucky.
Ooh.
That's actually... [sucks in air] [screams]
- Hold still, please.
- [groaning] [whimpering]
- Pussy.
- Nobody asked you.
- Me, the guy you threw battle magic at?
Hey, have you heard of karma?
Well, sometimes it's instant.
You're welcome.
- What is that?
How... how did you...
- Real Magicians protect themselves.
- Would somebody please sign him out of here?
- [laughs]
- [sighs] She's late.
- She's coming.
- Or she's just done with your shit.
- She doesn't have the option.
- Finally.
- Hey, look, that thing you wanted, that charm or crystal or whatever?
- The Emerson's Alloy Repellant?
- Yeah, this guy I was with, he grabbed it.
Look, I'll find you another one, okay?
And more.
Here.
There's a ton of good shit in there.
- Hmm, listen to all that backpedaling.
- I'll get it, okay?
Whatever you want.
I'll find you another one.
- Great.
You're a sweet girl, Kady.
- You're a heartless bitch.
- I'm generous with you, considering.
Get me everything on this list, this week.
Thanks so much.
You better get back to bed, hon.
I'm sure you got class in the morning.
- Hi.
- Oh.
Caught me where I'm not meant to be, a terminal snooper.
How are you, Quentin?
I heard about the attack.
- You... you were... you were there the day of the alumni interview.
I...
You were a paramedic.
- Call me Eliza.
I was there that day to make sure that you got here.
- Oh.
Well, uh, thank you, but I kind of screwed that up.
Um...
They're calling in a Specialist.
He's supposed to wipe it all away like it never happened.
- That sounds...
Hmm.
You know, I'm the Specialist?
Sorry.
Shall we sit?
- Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Um, just before, um, can I...
Why did you give me that book?
"Fillory and Further," book six.
- I thought you'd appreciate it.
- I lost it.
- Guess I was wrong.
- No, you're not, I...
I need to read it.
I just, I can't find it.
- Things with "Fillory" are funny that way.
- Is "Fillory" real?
- Why even ask if you'll just forget it again?
- The books, they're just...
They always felt realer than anything.
- Then it's real.
- That's not a real answer.
- Shall we begin?
- Okay, do it.
- [chuckles]
- Oh, Quentin, I am pleased!
- What?
Why?
- You're a much better liar than I expected you to be.
Can I level with you?
- I wish you would.
- You're not very remarkable.
You're smart, but no genius.
You do magic, but nothing special.
And the worst is, you're so eager to belong, you even forget why you're here.
- Why am I here?
- You dreamed of it, didn't you,
"Fillory," before the attack, like a warning?
- Yeah, did you...
how did you?
- Because I've dreamed of it too.
And I've looked into that Beast's eyes.
- What?
- Do you think you have a destiny?
- Um, yes.
- Yeah.
I used to believe that crap too when I was young.
There is no destiny, no born heroes.
I can't tell you why... why The Beast came sniffing for you.
There's no reason it should be you.
You can either step up to it or not, it's up to you.
We'll just hope for the best.
- Who are you?
- Just another inadequate Magician who's lost people.
So will you if you don't get strong.
Learn fast, any means necessary.
Which is why I'm so pleased to see you sitting there like you don't have an Emerson's in your pocket to repel any spell to wipe your mind.
- You stole that.
- Who stole it?
Relax, nobody's taking your mind today.
We'll make something of you yet.
I'll tell the school one more chance, probation.
They'll respect my call.
Don't make me regret it.
Don't hop back on the garden path like some little lemming, or I'll erase everything and start you over entirely, for your own good.
- The garden path?
- Everything's connected.
Don't over-think it.
[buzzer] [indie rock music playing]
♪ ♪ [tattoo machine buzzing]
- Congratulations, Julia.
Big day.
First star.
First of many.
- Yeah.
- This is just the beginning.
[tattoo machine buzzing]
- ♪ And, and you said they wouldn't ♪
♪ Have to drive too far ♪ [music fades out]
- Hope your bits are covered.
Coming in.
How are you, Henry?
I'm sorry.
I knew he'd come, but I swear I didn't know so soon.
- No one is ready.
We need more time, and a teacher with full use of his hands.
There's that new wrinkle.
- I'll find a way to help you.
We'll heal your hands and your eyes.
- It wouldn't help us.
It wouldn't help them, would it?
- This is all my fault.
- This is your problem, that you should solve!
[grunts]
Quentin, Penny, they're not built for this.
- I know, and I've tried.
- Go back there.
- You say that like I could hop a bus.
- Find a way back.
Find The Beast.
Kill him.
- [scoffs] If I could manage that, we'd be sharing a drink right now, not a care in the world and four good eyes between us.
I'm sorry.
Just tell me what else I can do.
- All we can do is make them Magicians.
- That's not enough.
- I know.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Gonna just keep this BBQ poppin', my love.
[both laughing]
Oh, man.
[indistinct chattering]
- Ha ha!
- [laughs]
Quentin!
[laughs]
Get over here.
- Quentin.
Come on!
- Come on!
Join the party, sad sack.
Hurry up.
- Mm.
- Oh, my God, it's not like we have all day.
- We're so drunk.
- Okay, we have all day.
[both laughing] [upbeat music]
♪ ♪

Previously on Faking It...
When is that six-month, no dating thing over?
Midnight New Year's Eve.
You want to grab coffee sometime?
I'd like that.
Liam!
You need to find a new temple.
- I missed us.
- Me too.
Of course you dumped our plan to help Karma.
Karma and I are best friends.
- You and I are sisters.
- Stop saying we're sisters.
I'm moving out.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Lauren's been giving me the coldest shoulder ever since she moved out.
And it's already been arctic.
Ugh. 
What should I do?
Uh-huh.
So true.
♪ Weight in gold ♪
♪ Call me anxious call me broke ♪
Karma.
Stop eye-humping Liam.
That is not what I was doing.
Oh, yeah?
Then why are your party hats showing?
I rest my case.
I can't help it.
He's gorgeous.
And if my dad didn't have a heart attack, we would probably be together.
Well, you're not gonna tell him that now, are you?
He's already dating someone new.
I know.
I just don't get it.
I know deep down the universe wants us to be together.
(LAUGHS)
Well, then the universe is a real dick.
Karma, you're only craving Liam because you can't have him.
It's human nature.
Okay, there is some truth to that statement.
I learned this summer that a steamy make out session with a hot stranger can do wonders.
It really re-boots the hard drive.
For as long as we've known each other, you've been obsessed with having a boyfriend.
Maybe set your sights on something... a little more casual this time?
Well, this weekend is the Haunted Hester party.
Supposedly, everyone who goes hooks up.
Even the chaperones.
Yeah, you can dress up as a slutty version of something not slutty.
Oh, no.
I am only going if you come with me.
I don't care if you're saving yourself for Felix.
(SCOFFS) Saving myself?
Felix and I shared one kiss at prom, and on our second date, he went to rehab.
It's like the start of a Shailene Woodley movie!
Yeah, and those always end really well.
No, trust me, I am a free agent.
And I am hooking up.
And so are you!
(SIGHS) Great.
Yeah.
Cool.
Yeah.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Morning, muffin.
I brought you a morning muffin.
♪
Lauren!
I'm sorry I screwed up our parent trap.
Clearly, I suck at balancing relationships, but I'm trying to get better, and I'm not gonna let you shut me out of your life.
We both know you're dying to show off your new apartment.
It's a condo, and it's very much a work in progress.
Whoa.
Holy HGTV makeover.
I can't believe your dad's paying for all of this.
Perks of being a show pony.
Besides, now he has a place to stay when he comes to visit, and I don't have to be inconvenienced by his marital mistakes.
Okay, it might be a little harder to convince you to move back in with us.
Save your breath.
I'm in high school with my own condo.
I'd say my aspirational lifestyle brand just got a bit more aspirational.
Excuse me.
Lauren, how much starch would you like on this collar?
Full starch, thank you.
Also, I can't do my shift tonight.
My mom says I have to sleep at home at least three nights a week.
(SIGHS) It's times like this
I miss old Lisbeth.
(SCOFFS) "Shift"?
There's so much work to be done with my brand and such,
I need round-the-clock assistance.
Mm.
You're afraid to stay alone in this apartment, aren't you?
- First, it's a condo!
- Okay.
Second, I have a gun in my purse, so no.
Okay, just come to the Haunted Hester party with us tonight. 
We can all hang out.
Thanks, but I'm live-tweeting my trick-or-treaters, so if you'll excuse me, I'm on the clock for sundown.
Well, if you change your mind...
I won't. 
Thanks!
(PLAYFUL MUSIC)
♪
(SIGHS)
(WHISTLES)
Look who's got his mojo back.
I was hoping your breakup with Rachel wouldn't get you down.
The opposite, actually.
She helped me see that I have zero business being in a relationship.
So you're not tempted to get back with Karma?
You're both single now.
Did you hear anything I just said?
I did. 
But I'm just making sure.
As your friend, I don't want you getting back on that emotional roller coaster.
I get nauseous just thinking about it.
Trust me, I'm with you.
All I'm looking for tonight is some no-strings-attached sex.
That's a pretty advanced maneuver for a high school girl.
Maybe you should be looking for a horny and bored housewife.
Can one of you boys zip me up?
Sure thing, Mrs. H.
♪
- (GRUNTS) 
- Oh. 
Heh.
(MOANING) Yeah.
(MOANING)
Just give it a good yank.
(MOANING)
Oh.
Thank you.
- Ah.
- Ah, there you go.
Oh, thanks.
Okay, this bunny's ready to chaperone your Halloween dance.
With a little help from my wine bra.
(GIGGLES)
♪
Here you go.
- Boo.
- Oh!
Felix, hey.
Uh, any plans tonight?
I'm gonna eat obscene amounts of candy and watch torture porn.
Oh, then you should probably start with "Saw,"
the movie that started the subgenre.
Nah, I'd argue that "Hostel" is what really took it mainstream.
Huh, well, I'd argue that you were wrong and I would win.
No, you'd just think you won and then we'd watch it together and you'd see I'm right.
- Oh I would, would I?
- Mm-hmm.
Hm.
Um... what about you, you got any plans?
Uh, Karma and I are going to the Haunted Hester party.
Oh. 
Kind of surprised.
I heard it's a big hookup fest.
Not that you can't...
I'm just going as Karma's wingwoman.
And also, I heard that they're supposed to have an epic haunted house.
- So...
- Well, then have fun.
Hope you don't get any nightmares.
Oh, trust me, I've watched so many horror movies that nothing scares me.
Well, that kind of sounds like a challenge.
I think it sounds like a fact.
(CHUCKLES)
Bye.
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ So I close my eyes ♪
♪ And I count to ten ♪
We're here, we're single, and we look hot.
Yup.
♪
- What now?
- I'm not sure.
Allow me to explain the point of this evening.
You grab somebody you think is cute, you drag them into our legendary tunnel of terror, and if you survive, you make out, high on the adrenaline rush.
(PANTING)
I thought we were gonna die in there.
Oh, yeah, me too.
(BOTH MOANING)
See? 
Another satisfied customer.
So stop being so picky, go get scared, and suck some face.
Isn't that why you're both here?
Let's get to it.
Not so fast, Miss Ashcroft.
That costume is blatant cultural appropriation.
I'm Cleopatra. 
I'm a historical figure.
A historical Egyptian figure.
Are you Egyptian, Karma?
- No.
- I didn't think so.
Shame.
If you want to stay, you'll have to change into one of several pre-approved costumes from the drama club.
What? 
Are you kidding me?
Have you heard of the First Amendment?
Nobody look at Karma's super offensive costume!
(SIGHS)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
BOTH: trick or treat.
(SIGHS)
Just one?
I mean, most people let us grab a handful.
Well, most people are scared to say what we're all thinking.
I'm not.
Your costumes suck, and you're way too old to be doing this.
It's kind of creepy.
Nerves are on edge in Texas tonight, with the dramatic escape of convicted murderer Rick Sliter.
Sliter was serving life in prison for murdering several women across the state.
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
(KNOCKING) (YELPS)
(THUNDER CRASHES)
I told you (BLEEP) you only get one piece!
(EERIE MUSIC)
(THUNDER CRASHES)
♪
I have a gun in my purse!
(THUNDER CRASHES)
♪
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(THUNDER CRASHES)
(BLEEP) this, I'm going to the ball.
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
♪
Oh! 
Ahoy, matey.
Apparently, dressing like a caveman is promoting domestic violence.
It's ridiculous.
I'm guessing your girlfriend's costume was a little less controversial.
Yeah, I, uh...
I guess you're gonna hear eventually.
Rachel and I broke up.
Oh.
Guess I should get back out there.
♪
I was gonna show up!
If my dad didn't have a heart attack,
I would have been there.
Oh.
Okay.
Excuse me.
♪
I'm a quarter Japanese, I swear.
Sure you are, Blaine.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Amy. 
This is Harper.
She's a big fan.
Of what?
Oh, wait, me?
You're kind of a trailblazing badass.
(GIGGLES)
Trailblazer. 
Me? 
No.
Harper, you should thank her with a trip through the tunnel of terror.
I'm game if you are.
Okay. 
Let's go.
♪
I am such a good ringmaster.
Shane, I know you hate it when I talk about Liam, but...
Great, then let's stay focused on your goal of kissing someone new.
Ah, speaking of.
Karma, meet...
- Todd.
- Todd!
You'll have fun in there.
♪
(GROWLING)
- Are you ready?
- Let's do this.
(SQUEALS)
Hey!
Someone touched my boob.
That was me.
(BOTH GIGGLING)
Don't worry, no one's feeling you up tonight.
Unless you want them to.
Just so you know, I'm really good at it.
I'm thinking of becoming a massage therapist.
Okay, uh, yeah, I can't do this.
I have a phobia about... hands.
So, uh, excuse me.
(GROWLING)
So, wait, you said, "Oh, okay."
And then you just ran off?
Is that bad?
Well, if by "bad" you mean "not good," then yes.
(SIGHS) I was caught off guard.
Honey, listen. 
Relax.
Okay?
Karma would not have said that if she didn't want to get back together with you.
The question is, do you want to?
Yeah, part of me does.
But the other part really doesn't want to get hurt again.
Well, you can't have love without pain.
It's the cost of admission.
Look, the easy way to answer this question is, if you didn't try again with Karma, would you one day regret it?
I would.
I mean, I already am.
I got to do something. 
What do I do?
Go to her.
Okay, but first, let me just get that schmutz off your face.
- It...
- Mm.
(INTENSE MUSIC)
♪
Ooh. 
Scary.
You see it, too?
I'm talking about your costume.
What are you talking about?
Oh... uh, nothing.
Impressive party.
You did a great job planning it.
I love the post-apocalyptic carnival theme.
You never go with what's obvious.
It's what makes you you.
OK, Cinderella, what gives?
Your tiara on too tight?
I'm just congratulating a friend on all his hard work.
Speaking of, why don't you come over afterwards to my place and crash?
We'll talk about who hooked up with whom, binge out on ice cream.
Our first slumber party.
- What do you think?
- Okay, I'm scared.
(SPOOKY MUSIC)
♪
(SCREAMING)
♪
(CHAINSAW WHIRRING)
Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.
Felix, not funny!
What are you doing here?
Amy said the haunted house was epic, so I decided to volunteer.
Also, she said she can't be scared.
I'm about to prove her wrong.
You know the part at the end, right when you think it's over?
That's when I come out.
(CHAINSAW WHIRRING)
- (YELLS) 
- Felix!
No...
- That was so fun.
- (LAUGHS)
What do we do now?
Now's the part when you kiss.
- You can leave.
- Nobody asked you.
(REDINHO'S "PLAYING WITH FIRE")
♪
He's right, though.
This is where the kissing usually happens.
♪
♪ Girl you got me ♪
♪ Playing with fire ♪
♪
♪ I can't resist this desire ♪
(CHAINSAW WHIRRING)
♪
Felix?
♪ Girl you got me playing with fire ♪
I'm guessing you two know each other.
♪ I can't resist this desire ♪
♪
Felix. 
Are you okay?
Uh, actually, I'm a bit angry and a little bit sad.
Working on identifying my feelings as they come out.
My sponsor said I should write them down.
Felix, that kiss meant nothing.
Amy just came here tonight to make out with random strangers.
Really? 
'Cause, uh... she told me she was just coming to be your wing woman.
Oh.
Look, Amy can kiss whoever the heck she wants, and it's not like I expect her to wait for me.
It's just I'm still jealous, even though I know I shouldn't be.
Look, Amy knows about your recovery.
And... and she doesn't drink.
Why can't you two date?
Because I need to get my own house in order before I let anyone else in.
Otherwise, I'll just keep on screwing it up.
(SOFT PIANO MUSIC)
That makes sense.
♪ Baby ♪
There you are.
Hey, sailor.
It's been a while since you've been in my port.
Hey, Brandi.
Uh, sorry, I thought you were someone else.
It's Halloween.
I can be whoever you want me to be.
♪
♪ I will always be ♪
Sorry. 
Excuse me.
Wait, Karma.
Wait, that was not what it looked like.
I was actually looking to talk to you and, I don't know, I got my witch switched.
Liam, about what I said earlier...
Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that, too.
Look, I hate to say this, but just because I want us to get back together doesn't mean we should.
Wait, it doesn't?
I'm kind of confused.
I'm not ready.
I think the universe has been trying to tell me that, but I've been refusing to listen.
Look, Karma, I told you, that...
Just let me finish.
Liam, you're my first love.
And I spend an embarrassing amount of time daydreaming about our future together.
But if we start it now,
I'm pretty sure I'll just screw it up by being jealous or insecure.
I think it's been pretty well established that I am also capable of screwing things up.
I did not mean that literally.
(LAUGHS)
So maybe we just try being friends?
Friends. 
Yeah.
Yeah, let's, uh, let's give that a shot.
Okay.
Then as your friend, I wish you luck in your witch hunting.
I'm just kidding.
(WHISPERING) I hope you strike out.
♪
Well, she's smiling.
That's a good sign.
Yeah, we're gonna try and be friends.
And I'm okay with that.
(GAGGING)
Are you choking?
(GAGGING)
(GRUNTING)
(INTENSE MUSIC)
♪
No, no, no!
Stop (BLEEP) my mom!
(SPITS)
(COUGHS)
- Whoa.
- Is she okay?
Oh. 
Thank you.
Yeah.
(LIVELY MUSIC)
- Rawr!
- (SCREAMING)
(CHAINSAW WHIRRING)
♪
Can we talk?
Sure.
Look, about the kiss, I didn't know that...
Look, Amy, you don't have to feel guilty.
Yeah, I do. 
We have a thing, don't we?
Well, no, we can't have a thing.
Not now.
Well, yeah, not until New Year's Eve.
My lips were just killing time.
Look, Amy, it's not fair of me to ask you to wait until then.
What if I want to?
It's too much pressure.
If something's gonna happen between us, it'll happen.
If it's meant to be.
But until then...
I release you.
Or something that doesn't sound so weird.
(BOTH LAUGH)
♪
Okay.
If you're sure.
I am.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I've got more horny kids to scare.
(CHAINSAW WHIRRING)
Seriously, Shane?
You think I want to do your mom doggie-style in the middle of a school party?
Are you saying you would do her under different circumstances?
No, I would never have sex with your mother!
Well, you did have sex with my sister!
(SCOFFS)
(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)
Shane...
I know, I thought I was over it, but I guess my subconscious doesn't agree.
- I'm sorry...
- Stop.
Okay, you don't need to apologize.
I did sleep with Sasha.
I wish I could undo it, but I can't.
Can't undo my sister.
No, but I can make it right.
I can earn your trust back, and to do that,
I think I should move out.
What? 
Liam, what are you talking about?
You have nowhere to go.
Don't worry about it, man.
I'll... 
I'll figure something out.
The important thing is that you know there is zero risk of me ever sleeping with your family members.
♪
Just so you know,
I'm fine if you sleep with my cousins.
(LAUGHS)
Hey, boyfriend.
What's that?
You just got back from the gym?
You benched 300 pounds?
Wow, good for you, baby.
(TENSE MUSIC)
(YELPS)
(THUNDER CRASHES)
(GASPS)
♪
(BLEEP) it!
♪
(THUNDER CRASHES)
♪
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
(GROANING)
(THUNDER CRASHES)
Don't even think about suing me.
You made aggressive moves towards me back there.
I parked next to you.
Just be glad I don't really have a gun in my purse.
You shouldn't drive home.
I'll let you crash on my couch.
My car now is my home, so it's not much of a drive.
Don't care.
Nice apartment.
It's a condo!
(LIVELY MUSIC)
Okay, so maybe I was waiting for Felix.
But not anymore.
He released me.
Eh, it's only two months away.
A lot can happen in two months.
What about you and Liam?
I realized you were right.
I need to be single for a bit.
Get comfortable being alone.
Well, luckily, you're not alone.
You've got me.
You always know what to say.
What do you say we ditch this party and go eat our weight in leftover Halloween candy?
Sounds like heaven.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
Amy?
I thought that was you!
Oh, my God. 
Sabrina!
Look, Karma, it's Sabrina!
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
♪

City runners, welcome...
Now, remember to stay hydrated out here to beat the heat.
Keep it up.
See? 
Taking a header at your first marathon is nothing.
Now, taking a header into a pool in your wedding dress?
- Epic fail.
- Right?
No, that would be taking 20 minutes to put on a Band-Aid.
- Sorry. 
Totally my fault.
- No, no, not at all.
Take as long as you need.
You, on the other hand, have a superhero with super intestinal discomfort who requires your immediate attention.
Almost halfway. 
You holding up?
I'm sure that runner's high is gonna kick in any second now.
- That or heatstroke.
- Yeah.
It's not the best day for a heat wave.
Yeah, I was thinking maybe later we can do something else.
What? 
Like collapse?
No. 
Maybe a bedroom activity.
Or kitchen table.
Shower.
Let's go, Doc. 
Pick up the pace.
Now, try to keep it elevated, and remember: ice, not heat.
Oh, please don't mention heat.
It's hot as balls out here.
We need help. 
A guy got run over.
- Grab an aid kit.
- Got it.
Three. 
Two. 
One.
Aah!
My brakes went out.
You've got to help him.
We'll do all we can.
- Ignacio.
- Where does it hurt, Ignacio?
Aah.
Maggie, we got a bike versus auto.
Diminished breath sounds on the left side.
Sounds like it's full of fluid.
I think his lung collapsed.
Marathon traffic and power outages from the heat have paramedics backed up.
We're on our own for a while.
Well, he doesn't have a while.
He needs a chest tube now.
Not from you. 
You've never put one in.
Be my guest.
Neither of us is allowed to do it.
Then he's gonna die.
Maggie, I need Goodwin.
Sir, just hang on.
We're gonna do everything we can for you, okay?
We're gonna help you, okay?
Just hang on.
Sit tight, April. 
Dr. Halstead's on the way.
No, no, no. 
You let him make that call.
All right. 
You keep me posted.
How goes the battle?
Ugh, it's supposed to hit 105 today, so we've got a generator on standby just in case our grid goes dark.
Sharon, listen. 
Bert called me.
- Really?
- Yeah.
He wants to get together for drinks, and I just... 
I wanted to check in with you before I responded to him.
Daniel, you do whatever you like.
I'm good.
Hey, Peter... your husband is a divorce attorney, isn't he?
Best in the city.
Text me his number.
- I can do this.
- With what?
We don't even have a chest tube.
- I got a suction tube.
- No.
You are not gonna Jerry-rig your way into this guy's chest.
He's got no chance unless I do.
Goodwin said to wait for Will.
How long is that gonna take?
Got a neck pulse, but it's thready.
He's out.
I've got to relieve the pressure on his lung.
BP 82 over palp. 
Sat at 82%.
- I'm doing this.
- Noah.
Noah!
Pulse is coming up.
You did it.
Yeah, but the tube's not slowing down.
Damn. 
It's a bad bleed.
Okay. 
Come on.
He needs surgery.
We need to intubate and give him blood.
Where the hell is Will?
Hey, Nat.
Eight-year-old girl with sudden onset deafness in treatment 2.
Oh.
They said the heat wave's supposed to be worse than '95.
Hi. 
I'm Dr. Manning.
I understand Phoebe's experiencing some hearing loss?
Yeah...
we were headed to cheer on the runners.
She was skipping ahead.
A semi started backing up.
I was screaming, and she couldn't hear me.
A few seconds later...
What?
I don't want to think about it.
It's okay, sweetie.
Can you hear that, Phoebe?
Not really.
Hmm.
How about now?
Sort of.
A little.
Okay, her hearing is diminished on the right side and nearly absent on the left.
Does she have any prior history of head trauma or hearing loss?
No. 
Not that I can think of.
I mean, there have been a few times where I've had to call her more than once within these last few months, but nothing like this.
Okay, well, I'd like to order a head CT just so we can figure out what's going on, okay?
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Wait.
Hmm?
Are you going to fix my ears?
I'm sure gonna try.
Be back shortly.
I-I can't get it in.
You have to capture the tongue.
Elevate the jaw.
- What the hell are you doing?
- I'm trying to intubate.
He had a massive hemothorax, and I had to put in a chest tube.
No, what you had to do was wait.
Dr. Halstead, this man would have died.
Yeah, judging by all the blood, if we don't get him into surgery in the next few minutes, he will anyway.
I'm in. 
Bag him.
- Any ETA on transport?
- Still saying it'll be a while.
We could open his chest.
Try to address the bleed.
It might buy him enough time for the ambulance to show up.
Yeah, it might... there's no guarantee I could even find it.
The only guarantee is he'll die if we don't try.
No, I've been down this road before trying extreme measures.
It doesn't end well.
His pressure is down.
Trachea feels deviated to the right.
I need a scalpel.
We're going to treatment 5.
- You got it, Maggie.
- Olga Barlow.
74, lives alone.
Complex cardiac history.
Called EMS for dyspnea.
BP 82 over 44.
Chronic A-fib at rate 105. 
Tachypneic at 30.
Those are her meds.
- I'll page Dr. Choi.
- Okay.
Mrs. Barlow, what happened today?
It's so hot out, I'm having a hard time catching my breath.
Do you have an air conditioner in the home?
- Don't I wish?
- Well, let's move her.
One, two, three.
Oh.
There you go.
Pulse ox 89.
Temperature 101.
She's tachy up to 130.
I think we're looking at heat exhaustion.
Let's pack her axilla and groin in ice and send a CBC, CMP, LFTs, and urine.
And give her an amp of D50.
- What's the story?
- Non-exertional heat illness.
We're going to lower her core temp and keep her hydrated.
You check her meds?
Looks like she has pulmonary hypertension.
That's right. 
Jugular venous distention.
That means she's in volume overload.
This fluid you ordered could've sent her into heart failure.
Am I gonna be okay?
We're gonna take good care of you.
Let's get a chest film. 
AP and lateral.
- ECG and stat formal echo.
- Yes, Doctor.
Start epoprostenol at two.
Dobutamine at three.
Is your arthritis causing you pain?
- Yes, it's pretty bad.
- I bet.
That's a pretty good dose of oxycodone.
Let's give her one...
no, two milligrams of hydromorphone.
She won't even notice one milligram.
Okay.
You're gonna be feeling better soon.
Next time do a complete history and physical before making a diagnosis.
Great. 
There you go.
Ms. Goodwin, a word?
Problem, Dr. Rhodes?
I filled in for trauma last night.
Seven surgeries.
I was double-booked going back and forth between ORs.
Well, a month ago you were complaining about not having enough to do.
Well, last night cured me of that.
The hospital is over-scheduling, Ms. Goodwin.
Well, maybe someone thought we needed the revenue.
- I'll look into it.
- Thank you.
Look, we're all having our problems today, Dr. Rhodes.
Go home. 
Get some sleep.
I can't, I've got a consult on a cold leg in IR that needs an aortalfemoral bypass.
Retract his ribs.
Suction.
All right.
Anything?
Nothing but clots.
I don't see it.
I got to get behind the lungs.
Still has a carotid pulse.
Oh, man. 
Rib perforated the aorta.
- Can you clamp it?
- With what? 
My hand?
It'll buy us... 
Him 20 minutes?
Any longer there's a good chance he'll be paralyzed.
If you don't, he'll bleed out.
All right.
- Hemostatic?
- Yeah, it stopped.
Now he needs more blood... and a miracle.
Which could happen if we get him on portable bypass.
They've been doing it in France.
We have a unit in clinical trial at Med.
April, call Maggie.
On it.
We've got about 19 minutes to get Ignacio hooked up before he's paralyzed or worse.
Hey, I meant to ask you.
Are flowers too much for your mom tonight?
Roses tend to wilt in her presence, but hey.
Don't worry about it.
She actually canceled her trip.
She's too busy.
This is her idea of an apology.
- 1,000 bucks?
- Mm-hmm.
I wish my mom apologized like that.
She just bakes cookies.
It takes time to bake cookies.
This just took a call to her accountant.
Code blue.
Code blue.
Her tongue has relaxed, closing off her airway.
I'll do an oral airway.
- I got it.
- Intubation kit?
No, two milligrams of naloxone IV.
I think this is an overdose.
- Of what?
- Hydromorphone.
I don't understand.
She shouldn't have had this kind of reaction.
- Respiration's at 8 per minute.
- Take over?
Okay.
Dr. Choi.
Dr. Choi?
- Yeah.
- I know I was off on my original diagnosis, but that won't happen again.
You can trust me.
Clark, you're here to learn.
You're gonna make mistakes, okay?
Jeff?
I need you to run this portable bypass, Satinsky clamps, and ten units of packed cells out to Dr. Halstead at the marathon aid station, okay?
- Run?
- You doing anything else?
- Ugh.
- This is gonna be great.
Let's go.
- Sorry it's taking so...
- I want to call Daddy.
- I told you.
- Is everything okay?
- When can I call him?
- He's traveling, Phoebes.
You know that.
- I want to go home.
- Hey.
Hey, Phoebe, I promise the CT is not gonna hurt, okay?
It's just like getting your picture taken, but in the meantime, will you do me a favor?
Can you color a picture for the doctors' lounge?
Yeah?
Because of the marathon, the hospital's way busier than usual, but it shouldn't be too much longer.
- Okay.
- And do you mind if we speak for a moment?
- Sure.
- Great.
Hey. 
I'll be right outside, okay, sweetie?
So you indicated in Phoebe's chart that her father was deceased.
I'm wondering why she would want to call him?
David had a massive coronary and died a few months ago.
I haven't had the heart to tell her.
I am so sorry.
He was away on business.
I feel awful for lying, but I just know that she'll be crushed, and I don't know how to break it to her.
Yeah, well, you know, we have a really great doctor that may be able to help with that.
But in the meantime, just hang in there.
We'll get Phoebe up to CT soon, okay?
- Okay, thank you.
- Yeah.
Dr. Rhodes?
Dr. Halstead has a patient in the field with a torn aorta.
He's putting him on a portable bypass.
Seriously? 
A portable bypass?
You can't regulate blood flow to the brain.
Well, you can debate the medicine with Dr. Halstead when he gets here.
Believe me, I will.
There's blood in the tube.
Saturation's 75%.
Must be a pulmonary laceration.
We got to pack his lung and get the blood out of that tube before he drowns.
You want to pack the chest, and I'll suction the tube?
- With what free hand?
- I'll suction the tube.
- I'll pack the chest.
- Give me the suction.
Noah, grab both sides, and try to keep 'em open.
My wrist is cramped up.
If you let go on the ribs, I'm done.
- Come on, man, pull.
- I'm trying.
Hang in there.
It's closing on my wrist. 
I can't hold this.
- Don't let go.
- Come on, Noah, pull!
Don't let go!
All right. 
I got most of the blood.
- Sat's at 95%.
- Ribs, ribs, grab the ribs.
- Got it.
- Guys, guys, he's here.
Sorry it took so long.
Oh, man.
I need two clamps. 
How long's it been?
17 minutes.
Three to go. 
Hurry up.
Mrs. Barlow?
You gave us a scare.
How are you feeling?
Oh, I'm...
I'm much better, Doctor, thank you.
Your reaction to the pain medication surprised us, because that dose shouldn't have been an issue for you.
Have you been taking everything as prescribed?
I didn't mention it before, because it's...
It's so embarrassing, but I accidentally spilled some pills into the toilet, so I haven't taken everything I was supposed to.
Mrs. Barlow, skipping doses is very dangerous.
You should have called your doctor.
Well, I certainly know better now.
I won't let it happen again.
There's one other thing.
I was reviewing your labs, and some of the numbers indicate that you haven't been eating as well as you should.
No one, except my late husband, has ever accused me of being a good cook.
Well, wait till you taste the hospital food.
Excuse me.
Dr. Charles, I have a patient I'd like you to evaluate.
She's 74, lives alone, and for some reason hasn't been taking her meds.
Her blood work indicates she's undernourished.
It might be dementia or depression.
I'm just not sure.
I'll have a little chat.
Shoot me her chart?
Yeah, Olga Barlow.
Treatment 5.
Oh, great. 
Thank you.
Paramedics are close.
All right, we're good to go.
Circuit's primed.
Let's get some more blood in him.
It's infusing.
Come on, Ignacio.
And... it's up.
Time. 
How long has he been clamped?
24 minutes.
Damn.
Mrs. Barlow? 
I'm Dr. Charles.
How are we doing today?
Pleased to meet you, Dr. Charles.
Dr. Choi mentioned that you were having some trouble with your medication, and he asked me to look in on you.
Of course, but this is all just a big mistake.
Tell me, how did you end up here today?
I spilled some pills and didn't take all my medication.
- It's so boring.
- Huh.
Charles. 
That's an English name isn't it?
- Yes, it is.
- Mm.
My late husband Robert was English.
He had a Charles on his mother's side.
- Have you been?
- Not for a while.
Mm.
Well, when I was quite a bit younger,
Robert and I took the final voyage on the RMS "Queen Elizabeth" across the pond from New York.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- That sounds like quite a trip.
- Oh, it was.
1968.
There was a sense of design back then that you just don't see today.
Now it's...
it's all screens, and technology, and people have forgotten the importance of style, haven't they?
Boy, you can say that again.
Chief, move to your left.
♪
John: [Echoing] He's sleeping in his closet now so that he can touch the walls during the night
♪
Claire: 
Our son Adam was... last seen during candidates night at Mooreland Park.
He was wearing gray pants and a white "Claire Warren for City Council" T-shirt.
If you have any information... about where Adam is, or if you remember anything out of the ordinary from that night, please contact the Red Pines police.
[Crying] Please, if you have our boy, please, please.
He's only 8 years old, and he's never been away from home, not even for one night.
And he gets scared of the dark.
What did you do with my son?
[Crowd murmuring]
What did you do with my son?
- [Murmuring continues] 
- What did you do?
What did you do with my son?
What did you do?
! 
Tell me!
What did you do with my son?
What did you do with my son?
John: 
Stop! 
Stop!
Tell me where he is right now!
- You give him to me!
- Stop, stop!
- Tell me!
- Stop! 
Stop!
- You tell me where he is right now!
- Stop! 
Stop! 
Stop!
- You give me back my son!
- Stop! 
Stop! 
Stop!
Give me my son! 
My son!
[Crowd murmuring]
[Sobs]
♪
How many cups is that?
Two. 
Four.
[Chuckles]
So, I've been fielding initial offers for the sit-down.
I think we go traditional.
A woman, someone maternal who you can make cry...
Diane, Meredith.
We need to influence public perception with this.
We'll obviously need the whole family.
That might be a problem.
Adam? 
Or Dad?
You'll get him onboard, honey.
You always say just the right thing.
Print the bunker door and the ladder first.
I don't believe he'd pour accelerant on his escape route.
So, when we finally get this bastard... and that's a when, not an if... any defense attorney worth half a damn's gonna tear you apart.
What are you talking about?
You worked this case as a uniformed officer 10 years ago,
Detective Meyer, didn't you?
In fact, didn't you actually put away someone else for this crime?
What did you do, Len?
So, given that you arrested a man who turned out to be innocent, why should this jury believe you have the right man now?
What did you do?
For the good of this case, I had to.
Believe me, I didn't want to.
[Camera shutter clicks]
♪
[Indistinct conversation]
♪
[Sighs]
Why'd you quit football?
What?
Was it 'cause you broke your arm?
No, I just stopped playing during college.
Why?
I liked other things better, I guess.
Like what?
Dude.
I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago, okay?
Neither am I.
[Chuckles] Yeah, but you got a good excuse.
So do you.
♪
[Indistinct conversations]
[Telephone rings]
You smell like a distillery.
Thanks.
What do you got?
The older brother's got doubts.
What does that mean?
He's not totally sure Adam is... 
Adam.
How the hell did you get that?
[Rock music playing]
[Moans]
[Music continues]
♪ Come on, baby, now ♪
♪ Come on, baby, now ♪
The brother.
That's your angle.
Cain and Abel, prodigal son, it's a classic.
♪
Danny: 
I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago.
♪
Adam: 
Why'd you quit football?
Was it because you broke your arm?
♪
You got the taillight fixed, Danny.
♪
I wore these.
I wore ones just like these when he took me.
♪
I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago.
Neither am I.
Mr. Warren.
- Hey!
- Hey.
Yeah.
Do you have an appointment, hon?
No.
Um, look, this is a little weird, but my little brother used to be a patient here when he was a little kid.
Adam Warren.
[Gasps]
Oh, gosh.
I've been praying for your family.
Oh, cool.
Cool, yeah. 
Thanks.
Anyway, um, it's a little stupid, but we're putting together, like, a scrapbook for him, you know, 'cause he's been gone so long, and we thought it might be nice to have his... dental records to see.
Oh, sure.
[Chuckles]
Just to compare. 
Contrast.
[Keyboard clacking]
Um... 
Ah.
Your sister already picked them up.
Oh. 
Great.
[Chuckles]
Thanks. 
Have a good day.
♪
So, what's the new book about?
[Chuckles]
Oh, hell if I know.
I got my kid back.
There goes my street cred with the grief groups.
[Chuckles]
Tragedy fangirls will be up in arms.
[Laughs] Nice being home, huh?
All of us together.
We'll be together a lot more now with the campaign.
Oh, no, honey. 
No.
I only need you for a few things.
No, I don't want a part in this.
Photo ops and appearances.
We don't need the scrutiny right now, okay?
We don't need the press going through our trash.
You worried about what they'll find?
Don't be. [Chuckles]
I've got you covered.
What does that mean?
[Chuckles]
You know, the first time I saw the name Nina on your phone,
I didn't even know who she was.
I was 13.
I only knew Officer Meyer.
Then I started erasing your e-mails to her from your history because I knew you didn't know how to do that, and I also knew Mom would check.
I deleted text messages,
I made excuses why you were late to birthdays.
You have no idea how close you came to being caught over and over again.
How you almost fell off that cliff.
- Willa, I...
- But you didn't fall because of me, because I went above and beyond.
I... 
I didn't know what...
"inside you" meant at 13, but I knew it needed to be off your phone.
[Chuckles]
I did things no kid should have to do.
I buried bodies for you, and I would do it again.
Uh, but... but now...
I need you to do something for me.
Are you threatening me?
I'm asking.
I'm asking you not to make me do that.
♪
♪ Grass on the ground is as green as can be ♪
♪ Birds in the sky are flying so free ♪
Adam: 
They say you can't go home again.
♪ And the taste in my mouth is as sweet as can be ♪
♪ But it still don't change the way ♪
♪ The way that I feel ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ The way that I feel ♪
Even with a key, you're locked out in the cold.
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Leaves change their colors ♪
Everything's strange, everyone even stranger.
Have any luck today?
You know what? 
I did.
I sure did.
♪ Yeah, I've looked for another ♪
♪ But they don't change the way ♪
♪ There's no other lover that will ever be the same ♪
So you pray you remember what it was that you loved.
♪ 'Cause they can't change ♪
And you see it's all there.
♪ No, they can't change the way ♪
It's just as you left it.
- Nothing's changed.
- ♪ The way that I feel ♪
The stranger is you.
Adam.
My name is Adam.
My name is Adam.

[dark music]
[thunder rumbling]
- It's really coming down hard.
What's it like over there?
- I'm on my way to rehearsal.
Traffic'sa nightmare.
[kettle whistling] [sighs]
- I hate this weather.
- Tell me about it.
It'sbloodyhorrible.
Makesthewholecity feelcrazy.
Well,atleastyou 'vegot  amanin thehouse.
Speakingofwhich, how'sRobertdoing?
- Yeah, he's good.
He's actually out of town this week.
He got a new client, so he'll be in Japan.
- That's a long flight.
- Yeah, I know.
- He travels so much.
- This place just feels so big when he's gone.
Shit!
- What?
- The power just went out.
Let me call you back.
- I'll be here.
- Okay, bye.
[bottles clinking]
Hello?
[intense music]
[dramatic music]
[thunder rumbling]
Hello?
[music continues]
[clattering]
[dramatic music]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[thunder rumbling]
[cello music]
[music continues]
- You're still having a hard time with that?
- Vincent, hi.
- I always thought your little hands were too fat for Dvorak.
- Sorry, I thought I was alone.
- No, I'm working late too.
- Well, I hope I didn't disturb you.
- No, I love listening to you play.
- I'm still trying to master this legato.
Dupree made it look so easy.
- Well, I think she had more focus but honestly, I think you're more talented.
[instrumental music]
Ilovethistheater lateatnight.
It's so empty..
...and so still.
In the quiet
I feel like I can find my muse.
So when you're playing..
...really pay attention to your breathing and really listen to your body and, Elizabeth, just play.
- I'm trying.
- Mm, maybe you should fucking try harder.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
- Elizabeth! 
You startled me.
I was so focused on the front door, I didn't even see you there.
- No, my apologies, that was my fault. 
Sorry.
You going somewhere?
- As a matter of fact I am.
I am off on a weekend outing to the coast..
...with a 36-year-old doctor, I might add.
- Ooh! 
Sounds serious.
- Or scandalous, depending on how you look at it.
- I hope it's scandalous.
- Honestly, me too.
TheLondonPhilharmonic?
Oh, my God!
You made it in, didn't you?
- Yeah, yeah.
I was gonna tell you, but I just found out myself but yeah, they've accepted my application to their expansion program.
- Ah, a summer in London studying with the finest.
I'm jealous.
- No, don't be.
I hear it rains even more over there.
- I'm so happy for you.
- Thank you.
- Hey, how about we celebrate when I get back? 
Monday?
A true ladies' night in.
I'll cook dinner at my place.
What do you say, neighbor?
- That sounds great.
- Great, it's settled then.
The castle is yours until my return.
- Thank you, madam.
- Hey, at least tell me you're celebrating this weekend?
- Oh, I am.
I'm treating myself to a nice relaxing weekend at home.
- Perfect. 
No Justin?
- Uh, no. 
Unfortunately.
- Domestic problems?
- Ah, just boyfriend drama.
[intense music]
- Oh, don't worry about him, he's harmless.
- They always are in the beginning, and then it changes.
Anyway, have a great weekend.
- You too.
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
[answering machine beeps]
- Elizabeth, it's me.
Ibetyou'restayinghome  thisweekend, beinga vegetable.
Hopefullywith anicebottleofwine .
Butlook, that'snotwhyIcalled.
Oswaldneedsaplace tocrashthisweekend.
Iknowit 'salot toask,  butyou'remy onlyhope andyoudon'teven havetocallmeback  'causeI 'malready onmywayover.
Iswear Iwillmakethisupto you.
I'llseeyouina bit. 
- I guess that settles that then.
[answering machine beeps]
- Honey, it's mom.
Ah,theLondonPhilharmonic myclevergirl.
Dad and I are so proud of you.
Itgivesus  anexcuseto comeover andvisit thefamilythissummer.
Hmm,howexciting.
Anyway,love,don'tforget tocallme thisweekend.
Betteryet, let'stalkon thecomputer.
Ifinallyfiguredout  thatvideochatthing.
Iloveyou.
Bye .
[answering machine beeps]
- It's Justin.
Ireallyneedtotalk toyou.
It'simportant.
Look,I knowIsaid somethingsthatdidn't sitwellwithyou  and I'm sorry, but avoiding me isnotgonna makethisanybetter.
I'llbebackintown tomorrow andreallywanttoseeyou.
It'skillingme  thatyou'renotpickingup.
It's2 :30rightnow.
IfI getin early, I'lltextyou..
...orjuststopby. 
I'mseriousabout..
- So am I.
- And in other news, thebodyof EmilyBishop wasfoundlatelastevening inherhome inSylvanHighlands.
Thepoliceinvestigation iscurrentlyunderway .
Thedeathis thefourth in6 months torockthecityofPortland anditssurroundingareas.
PoliceChiefHoraceMcFadden saysthatsince..
[thunder rumbling]
[instrumental music]
[door shuts]
- Jesus!
[intense music]
[dramatic music]
[kettle whistling]
[instrumental music]
[knock on door]
Hang on!
- Elizabeth, you live in Portland, Oregon for God sakes, not Detroit.
- Oh, please! 
How many locks doyouhave onyourdooragain?
- 9. 
But I live in a different neighborhood.
- Oswald, my man.
Welcome back.
- Thanks for taking careofOz forme. 
- Sure.
- I'll be back Sundayeveningto gethim .
Monday, for sure.
God sakes, I don't want to keep interrupting your personal time.
- It's fine. 
Come on, let's go sit down.
So,Marty,I'vebeen waitingforyoutotell me what's really been bothering you.
You never bring Oz over unannounced.
- I'll tell you, I just needed to work up the courage.
- Sounds serious.
Whenever you're ready.
- I have to leave the symphony.
- In the middle of the season?
Why? 
What's happened?
- My son happened.
- Daniel?
What's wrong with him?
- Nothing is wrong with him.
Between shows and rehearsals and travels and more rehearsals, I'm never home.
I missed his first steps, E.
I'm never gonna get that back.
- Honey, Marty we can fix this, I promise.
We'vebeenthrough worsetogether.
[intense music]
[music continues]
[thunder rumbling]
[cello music]
[Oswald mewing]
Oz, you hungry?
Dinner is up.
It's Fancy Feast for you, young man.
[intense music]
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
Justin?
Justin!
Hello?
- Hey, sis, what's going on?
- I just thought I'dcallandsay hi. 
Canyoubelievethisstorm?
It'scrazy.
Where are you?
- Just passing over Bridal Falls.
- You gonna be at momanddad'sonMonday?
- Uh. it looks like it.
Everything alright?
- Um, sort of.
- I don't think I like the sound of that.
- No, really, no, everything's fine.
Everything'salright.
What's,what's yourdrivelike?
- It's pouring rain, visibility zero.
Weatherman's promising a huge storm.
StandardOregonfair.
- Well, then, I should let you go.
You've got to concentrate on the road.
- No, I can, I can talk for a bit.
- Oswald's here.
- Marty's cat? 
Is Marty okay?
- Yeah. 
Yeah, she's fine.
- Good God, how long hasshehadthatcat? 
Seemslikeforever.
[instrumental music]
Uh, hello?
What are you doing?
- I'm staring at a piece of lint behind the water heater.
- What?
- I don't know what I'm doing.
- You're doing a security check, aren't you?
I should have known, you're such a little girl.
- Maybe I am.
- What for?
Something got you spooked?
- Ah, yeah, no.
No, it's fine, it's nothing.
Do you remember all those stories that dad used to tell us when we were young?
- Uh, dad told us a lot of stories, E.
- Yeah, but I'm talking about the scary ones.
- Uh, I know, I remember.
- Do you think he enjoyed watching our imaginations squirm?
- Absolutely.
[intense music]
- I just found Rusty.
- Your old teddy bear.
- Yeah, he was hiding under the bed.
[alarm blaring]
Oh, Jesus Christ!
- What?
Elizabeth?
- My alarm..
My alarm went off and scared the hell out of me.
- Listen, it sounds like you have everything under control over there, I'm gonna, gonna go.
It's,uh,treacherous drivingouthere.
- Okay, maybe you're right.
I think I'll have another glass of wine.
- I'll see you at momanddad's.
Uh, talksoon .
- Okay, drive safe, bye.
- Bye.
[thunder rumbling]
[intense music]
[music continues]
- Here we go.
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[toilet flushes]
[intense music]
[music continues]
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[birds chirping] [instrumental music]
- Ozzie, behave.
I'llbebackina jiffy.
[music continues]
[intense music]
[music continues]
[cello music on headphones]
- Hey, is, is your name Elizabeth?
- Yeah.
Do I know you?
- Uh, no, sorry.
Um, you don't know me, we -- we haven't met but I, I live in the neighborhood or I guess, you live in mine.
- Cool.
Berkeley.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I -
- I live in the big blue house um, with the white trim on it.
- Oh, I know that house!
Yeah, that's a great spot.
I walk past it every day.
- Yeah, it's a great neighborhood. 
I love it.
I live off of JoLa's coffee.
- Ah, it's the best coffee in the city.
- Right?
- I love their pastries.
They're super buttery, but my God, they're delicious.
- I think it was last week, I saw you there.
I was, I was just waiting for my order.
I -
- I couldn't help overhear you talking.
- You know what, you're right.
Justin and I were there celebrating some good news.
What better place to do it, than JoLa's, right?
- Yeah, it's perfect.
Justin's your boyfriend?
- Uh, yeah, if you mean the guy with the beard, that's him.
- Oh, my name's John, by the way.
- Elizabeth.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
- Likewise.
- So, how long have you lived on Berkeley?
- Uh, about 3 years now.
- I got you beat.
I've been there 4.
It's such a beautiful neighborhood.
- Yeah, I like it.
- Isn't it crazy though that we've lived on the same street for 3, 4 years, and here we are just meeting by chance?
- I blame the internet, you know that whole online dating thing?
- Hm, my friend Marty's into meeting people online.
Me, I could never do it.
It kills the romance for me.
- Yeah, well, for some of us shy types it's kinda one of the only ways to really get ourselves out there, you know?
- I hear you.
So, any luck?
- Ah, no..
[chuckles] No luck.
But they say, the fun is in the trying, so..
- Hm, I don't know it just always seemed like such an awkward way to meet people.
Then, I'm the kind of person I don't even like to send e-mails.
I actually still have one of those old answering machines from the 1980s that my parents used to own.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
-Does it still work?
- Oh, yeah.
- I remember those.
- Justin calls me analog.
He thinks I'm that old-fashioned.
- I think that's cool.
I mean, you know, everyone these days is so obsessed with their phone and texting.
There's no eye contact any more, you know?
- I know. 
Not me though.
I like to see the world around me.
- Well, hey, it was nice to meet you.
- Likewise, John.
It's always nice to meet a neighbor.
- Maybe I'll see you around.
- Yeah, that'd be great.
Have a good one.
[instrumental music]
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
[door opens] [door closes]
- Elizabeth? 
E?
Elizabeth.
You home?
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
Holy shit!
- I'm almost happy to see you.
[instrumental music]
[Elizabeth chuckles]
Stop.
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
[Elizabeth moans]
[music continues]
[Elizabeth moans]
Oh, God.
[music continues]
- So was that make-up sex or break-up sex?
- I don't know yet, haven't decided.
- Fair enough.
You'll never guess who I ran into?
- Hm.
- Professor Renwood.
Apparentlyhe'sheadingup thenewagriculturaldivision responsiblefordocumenting myresearch.
- Wait, not the same Professor Renwood who denied you a referral?
- The same.
Now I'm his boss.
- You're kidding.
- How ironic is that?
- Perfect example of poetic justice.
- This is delicious.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- None for you?
- I'm not hungry.
So, have you given any more thought of coming to London with me?
- I can't go. 
Not right now.
- Why?
- It's not up to me.
- But it is up to you, it's your project.
- And that's why I can't leave just now.
I know this trip is important to you, to your career and I think that's why it's been so crazy for both of us butifIleavenow,  Icouldbe jeopardizing thefutureof my research andofmy project.
And if you don't go to London..
...you'll regret it the rest of your life.
- No, it's worse than that.
I could lose my seat with the orchestra.
- And I could lose my tenure at the university.
I'msorry.
I know how you had your heart set on us being together in London.
- Well, I should have expected this, right?
This is what happens when two ambitious people fall in love.
- Look, E..
...I've been thinking and maybe we should think about moving in together when you get back?
- Shacking up? 
Really?
- You'll have a contract position at the Philharmonic.
I'll have tenure at the university.
We'llhaveenoughmoney, andwecanbe workaholicstogether.
- Alright.
I guess I'm officially accepting your bad news.
- I love you.
- Hm. 
Whatever.
[Oswald mews]
- Hey, Oswald, good buddy.
I heard you were in town.
- Hm. 
Did you gobyyourhouse, or did you come straight here?
- Nah, I came straight here.
- You gonna go home?
- Yeah, I gotta make sure
Charlie didn't tear up the place.
You remember Charlie, don't you, Oswald?
- Hmm. 
Be careful, you know, what they say, dogs get jealous.
- Yeah, right.
- I'm gonna go take a shower.
You're gonna let yourself out?
- Yes, I can.
Speaking of letting yourself out, young lady..
...maybe it's time you find another hiding spot for your spare key?
- Like where?
- Like nowhere.
Under the flower pot went out in the '90s.
- Why don't you keep it?
[intense music]
So, are you coming back tonight?
- I don't know.
You want me to?
- Hmm, honestly, honey, it's okay.
I think I've already moved on.
[music continues]
- So we're officially calling that make-up sex then?
- I guess so. 
Lock the door onyourwayout .
- Right.
- Oh, Justin!
- Yeah?
- Don't forget about dinner with the parents on Monday night.
- Uh, this is the first I've heard of it.
- Well, can you make it?
- Your mother would never forgive me if I didn't.
Of course, I'll be there.
- Okay. 
See you tonight.
[music continues]
[chuckles]
- Hey, E, I forgot I picked you some wildflowers.
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
- The usual?
- Yeah.
- Turkey, cranberry sandwich and an Americano.
Do you want an extra shot with that?
It's only a buck.
- Sure.
- Cool.
I'llhavethatupinabout  15minutesforyou  if you want to go take a seat.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
[music continues]
- Hey, Dakota.
- Hey.
- What's going on?
- Hanging out.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Where's your mom?
- Over there.
- Oh, yeah? 
High five.
I'll see you later, alright?
- Yeah. 
Bye.
- Bye.
[intense music]
- Your food is ready.
- That was quick.
- Yeah, I threw in a chocolate chip cookie.
I know that's why you like to come back.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Seeyoutomorrow.
[instrumental music]
- So you wanted to see me?
- Yes, I wanna ask you for some advice.
- Let me guess, you're having second thoughts about going to England.
- Perhaps.
- You are such a disappointment to me.
You have so much talent.
Youactuallyhavesomuch  talentthatIenvyyou. 
And now you're asking me to stand here and bear witness to you throwing your life away over some stupid person, over some stupid situation?
- I just wonder if there are other priorities to take into consideration.
- No!
This is your only opportunity!
Don't squander your fucking potential!
[intense music]
[cello music]
[cello music]
[intense music]
[music continues]
[thunder rumbling]
[intense music]
[music continues]
[knock on door]
- John?
- Surprise.
- What are you doing here?
- Uh, did you loose this?
- My wallet.
Hold on a second.
Hey.
- Hey.
- Thanks.
Come on in.
- Oh, great.
- Come in, come in.
- Oh.
Hey, you must have dropped it when you were at the Laundromat.
I found it when I was going to dry my clothes.
It's all there, I promise.
- Wow, I can't believe I..
- Yeah, it was on top of the washer.
Your address was in your ID, it's on your license, so..
- Oh, right.
Uh, uh, thank you.
This is great.
I, uh.. 
Uh, thank God it was you who found it, right?
- Yeah.
- You're soaking wet, let me get you a towel.
- Oh, that'd be great, thanks.
I figured since were neighbors
I might as well just bring it by.
- Of course, thank you.
- Do you mind if I take my coat off?
[indistinct]
Staya while, it'stheleastIcando.
- Oh, thanks.
- Really.
- I lost my wallet once too.
It was such a pain in the ass getting everything replaced and canceled.
- Yeah, I need to be more careful.
Itmusthavejustfallenout ofmypocketorsomething.
- Yeah.
It'sa coolpad.
- Thank you.
It's cozy.
[intense music]
- You're a musician?
- Yeah, I'm actually with the Portland Philharmonic.
- Really? 
That's interesting.
- How so?
- I don't know, I guess I just have never met a classical musician before.
- Hmm.
- People normally have like boring jobs.
Like Starbucks or, or dental assistant.
You know, like real life jobs?
- I have a real life job.
- You know, yeah, I, but you actually like your job.
- Yeah. 
I guess I lucked out.
- So how did you get into music?
- It was my parents really.
They were the ones that got me into music when I was young.
- Oh, cool.
Parentsare,arespecial.
- Are you close with your family?
- No, I'm not, actually.
- Oh, um, can I get you a cup of tea or something hot to drink?
- No, I'm fine, actually.
- What about a glass of water?
- Sure.
Yeah, well, that'd be great.
- Okay.
So what line of work are you in?
- I write. 
A blog.
I write a blog.
- I didn't know that that was a real job.
- Yeah, no, neither did I, until I tried it out.
You know, the more people read my stuff the more clicks I get, and that in turn gets me more advertisers and somehow I get a check at the end of the month.
- Hey, if it works.
- Seems to be.
- So what's the blog about?
- Uh, basic stuff, relationships, dating that sort of thing, how to meet the person of your dreams.
Speaking of which, can I ask you a personal question?
- Sure, if it's not too weird.
- No, I don't think so.
I mean, I just wanted to know about your boyfriend.
- Justin. 
Yeah, what about him?
- Uh, how'd you guys meet?
And, uh, what does he do?
Or where did you guys meet?
Sorry, I know that's a really weird question.
But believe it or not, there's thousand of guys out there that wanna know answers to questions like that.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- So how does a guy like that get a girl like you?
- Well, what's a girl like me?
- Come on, don't make me say it.
You know, I'm -
- I'm the shy type, remember?
[Oswald growls]
- Ozzie, be nice!
Don'tworry, he'llwarmup to you.
- It's cool, all cats hate me.
- Don't worry about it.
Cats hate everybody, right?
- You don't have to answer that question right now.
I put you on the spot, I'm sorry.
Maybe just think about it?
- Sure.
- Maybe next time, uh, we could do an interview.
And you could shed some light on the whole dating thing for me.
My readers would really like it.
- Sure, sounds good.
Actually maybe you should talk to Justin as well. 
I mean..
Besides, it'd be cool for you guys to meet.
- Yeah, that, that would be great.
- And I was thinking earlier
I know this really hot violin player, single mom currently looking for the next exciting thing in her life.
Maybe the 4 of us could go grab a coffee some time.
- That would be, that would be great.
I'd, I'd look forward to it.
Thank you.
- Okay. 
Oh, John?
- Yeah.
- I need that.
- Oh, yeah, of course, sorry.
- And thanks again so much for finding my wallet.
- Yeah. 
Hey, no worries.
Okay, I'm really leaving this time.
Okay. 
You're a life saver.
- Take care.
- Bye.
[intense music]
Oswald? 
Ozzie?
Oswald!
Where is that cat?
Oz?
Oz? 
Tch, tch, tch.
Here, kitty.
Oz, you hiding?
Oz?
Hey, you hiding?
[Oswald shrieking]
Oh, no.
Stupid little bastard got out again.
[thunder rumbling]
[intense music]
[thunder rumbling]
Ozzie. 
Oswald.
Oswald. 
Ozzie.
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Oswald.
[whistling]
Kitty, kitty, kitty, come on.
Oswald.
Oswald.
[thunder rumbling]
Jesus!
Stupid cat.
[intense music]
I'm sorry.
I, I didn't see anybody there.
- Why would you?
I love the rain.
It's invigorating.
- Have you seen a cat anywhere?
I lost my cat.
- You mean your friend's cat?
- Yeah.
Wait, how did you know that?
I -
- I've gotta go.
- You know, they hate the rain.
Cats.
It's probably waiting for you at your front door.
- Thanks.
[intense music]
[mews]
You have got to be kidding me.
Oz.
It's just been one thing after another this weekend.
- Did you at least see Justin?
- Yeah, he came over this afternoon.
He's not coming to London with me, by the way.
- Is there more you want to tell me about that or..
No, not really.
I'll fill you in later.
- I see.
DareI say, "Boyswillbe boys" ordoesthatnot applyhere ?
- Nope, it applies.
- Well, it's still not too late to find another suitor.
- Mum. 
No.
- I'm kidding, dear.
Justin is a catch, you should keep him.
- I'll be sure to mention that to him.
Storm is really kicking in.
I'm worried about Justin, he was supposed to come over tonight but he's a no-show.
He hasn't even phoned.
- There's still time.
It's early for you young types.
- You're still a spring chick, yourself, mum.
Give yourself some credit.
- It's not me you have to convince about that it's your father.
- Well, he's still with you, isn't he?
- Good point.
- I talked to David yesterday, by the way.
- Oh, good. 
What did he have tosay?
Anythinginteresting?
- No, not really.
He's just giving me a hard time, as per usual.
[thunder rumbling]
Great. 
Hang on, mum.
Having a bit of a minor disaster over here.
- You want me to have your father come over?
- You think he'd mind traipsing across town to rescue his little girl in the rain?
- Please, he lives for thatsortof stuff.
Especially for his little girl.
- I don't think dad would ever let me live it down if I couldn't even change a light bulb.
- Neither would your brother.
- Okay, hold on a sec.
- I'm not going anywhere, takeyourtime.
[intense music]
- Okay, I'm back.
- So Carol is coming onMonday.
Iforgotto mentionthat onyouransweringmachine.
- Who?
- David's girlfriend.
Youremember,shecame forChristmasbriefly.
- Oh! 
Oh, the biology major.
Yeah, I liked her.
- Good. 
Should I be expecting Justinaswell?
- I hope so, if he can make it.
He's just so absorbed in his work.
[bulb shatters]
Mum, I'm gonna have to call you back.
Things are getting pretty hectic over here.
- Domestic difficulties getting the best of you?
- Yeah, you have no idea.
- I can wait.
Go do what you have to do.
- You sure?
- Believe me, I've got nothing better to do as pathetic as it may sound.
- Okay.
[intense music]
[music continues]
- Well, what is going on overthere?
- Oh, nothing, I'm just taking care of a juvenile cat and cleaning up bloody mess.
- Well, maybe I should have sentyourfather,afterall. 
- Oh, I'm glad you're enjoying this.
- Immensely.
- Okay, oh, voila.
- That may be my cue to say goodnight.
- Okay, night, mum.
- Love you, and so does your father. 
Let's chat tomorrow.
- Okay. 
Bye.
- Goodnight, honey.
[intense music]
It's late.
Justin, where are you?
[music continues]
[cell phone rings] [intense music]
[ringing continues]
[ringing continues]
[ringing continues]
[ringing continues]
- This is Justin. 
Leave amessageafterthe beep.
- Justin?
- Justin?
[cell phone beeping]
[beeping continues]
[music continues]
[beeping continues]
[thunder rumbling]
[instrumental music]
[intense music]
[music continues]
[sneezing]
- Bless you.
[intense music]
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
- Hmm.
[exhales]
Rusty.
[intense music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
- Somebody! 
Help me! 
Anybody!
[instrumental music]
Help!
[intense music]
- Here's your food.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
- No cookie?
- No, not this time.
Bytheway,I,um, Ijustmoved intotheneighborhood.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]

INTRUDER 2016 Translation. 
Review by Angel.
It is really coming down hard.
What is it like over there?
I am on my way to rehearsal.
Traffic is a nightmare.
I hate this weather.
Tell me about it.
It is bloody horrible.
Makes the whole city feel crazy.
Well! 
At least you have got a man in the house.
Speaking of which, how is Robert doing?
Yeah, he is good.
He is actually out of town this week.
He got a new client, so he will be in Japan.
- That is a long flight.
- Yeah, I know.
He travels so much.
This place just feels so big when he is gone.
- Shit!
- What?
The power just went out.
- Let me call you back.
- I will be here.
Okay, bye.
Hello?
Hello?
INTRUDER
Are you still having a hard time with that?
Vincent, hi.
I always thought your little... hands were too fat for Dvorak.
Sorry, I thought I was alone.
No, I am working late too.
Well! 
I hope I did not disturb you.
No, I love listen you to play.
I am still trying to master this legato.
Dupree made it look so easy.
Well, I think she had more focus however, honestly, I think you are more talented.
I love this theater late at night.
It is so empty.
Therefore, still.
In the quiet...
I feel like I can find my muse.
So when you are playing.
Really, pay attention to your breathing, in addition, really listen to your body.
And Elizabeth just play.
I am trying.
Maybe you should fucking try harder.
Elizabeth! 
You startled me.
I was so focused on the front door,
I did not even see you there.
No, my apologies, that was my fault. 
Sorry.
Are you going somewhere?
As a matter of fact I am.
I am off on a weekend outing to the coast.
With a 36-year-old Doctor, I might add.
Sounds serious.
Or scandalous, depending on how you look at it.
I hope it is scandalous.
Honestly, I too.
The London Philharmonic!
My God! 
You made it in, did not you?
Yeah, yeah.
I was going to tell you, but I just found out myself.
However, yeah, they accepted my application... to their expansion program.
A summer in London studying with the finest.
- I am jealous.
- No, you do not be.
I hear it rains even more over there.
- I am so happy for you.
- Thank you.
Hey, how about we celebrate... when I get back?
Monday?
A true women's night in.
I will cook dinner at my place.
What do you say, neighbor?
That sounds great.
Great, it is settled then.
The castle is yours until my return.
Thank you, madam.
Hey, at least tell me... are you celebrating this weekend?
I am.
I am treating myself, to a nice relaxing weekend at home.
Perfect. 
No Justin?
No. 
Unfortunately.
Domestic problems?
Just boyfriend drama.
You do not worry about him, he is harmless.
They always are in the beginning, then it changes.
Anyway, have a great weekend.
You too.
Elizabeth, it is me.
I bet you are staying home... this weekend, being a vegetable.
Hopefully with a nice bottle of wine.
But look, that is not why I called.
Oswald need a place to crash this weekend.
I know it is a lot to ask, but you are my only hope, and you do not even have to call me back, because I am already on my way over.
I swear I will make this up to you.
I will see you in a bit.
I guess that settles that then.
Honey, it is Mommy.
The London Philharmonic!
My clever girl...
Daddy and I are so proud of you.
It gives us an excuse to come over.
And visit the family this summer.
How exciting.
Anyway, love, you do not forget... to call me this weekend.
Better yet, let us talk on the computer.
I finally figured out that video chat thing.
I love you. 
Bye.
It is Justin. 
I really need to talk to you.
It is important.
Look, I know I said some things that did not sit well with you, and I am sorry, but avoiding me is not going to make this any better.
I will be back in town tomorrow, and really want to see you.
It is killing me that you are not picking up.
It is 2:30 right now.
If I get in early, I will text you.
Or just stop by.
I am serious about...
So am I.
And in other news, the body of Emily Bishop... was found late last evening, in her home in Sylvan Highlands.
The police investigation is currently under way.
The death is the fourth in 6 months, to rock the city of Portland, and its surrounding areas.
Police Chief Horace McFadden says that since...
Jesus!
Hang on!
Elizabeth, you live in Portland, Oregon.
For God sakes, not Detroit.
Please! 
How many locks, do you have on your door again?
Nine, but I live in a different neighborhood.
Oswald, my man.
Welcome back!
Thanks for taking care of Oz for me.
Sure.
I will be back Sunday evening to get him.
Monday, for sure.
For God sakes, I do not want to keep... interrupting your personal time.
It is fine. 
Come on, let us go sit down.
So, Marty.
I have been waiting for you to tell me.
What are really bothering you?
You never bring Oz over unannounced.
I will tell you,
I just needed to work up the courage.
Sounds serious.
Whenever you are ready.
I have to leave the Symphony.
In the middle of the season?
Why? 
What happened?
My son happened.
Daniel? 
What is wrong with him?
Nothing is wrong with him.
Between shows and rehearsals and travels and more rehearsals, I am never home.
I missed his first steps, E.
I am never going to get that back.
Honey, Marty.
We can fix this, I promise.
We have been through worse together.
Oz, are you hungry?
Dinner is up.
It is Fancy Feast for you, young man.
Justin?
Justin!
Hello?
Hey, sis, what is going on?
I thought, I would call and say hi.
Can you believe this storm? 
It is crazy.
Where are you?
Just passing over Bridal Falls.
Are you going to be at Mommy, and Daddy's on Monday?
It looks like it. 
Is everything all right?
Sort of.
I do not think I like the sound of that.
No, really, no, everything is fine. 
All right!
What is... what is your drive like?
It is pouring rain, visibility zero.
Weatherman is promising a huge storm.
Standard Oregon fair.
Well, then, I should let you go.
You have to concentrate on the road.
No, I can... 
I can talk for a bit.
Oswald is here.
Is Marty's cat?
Is Marty okay?
Yeah. 
Yeah, she is fine.
Good God, how long has she had that cat?
Seems like forever.
Hello?
What are you doing?
I am staring at a piece of lint... behind the water heater.
What?
I do not know what I am doing.
You are doing a security check, are not you?
I should have known, you are such a little girl.
- Maybe I am.
- What for?
Have something got you spooked.
Yeah, you know.
No, it is fine, it is nothing.
Do you remember all those stories?
That Daddy used to tell us when we were young.
Daddy told us a lot of stories, E.
Yeah, but I am talking about the scary ones.
I know, I remember.
Do you think? 
He enjoyed watching... our imaginations squirm.
Absolutely.
I just found Rusty.
Your old teddy bear.
Yeah, he was hiding under the bed.
- Jesus Christ!
- What?
- Elizabeth?
- My alarm!
My alarm went off, and scared the hell out of me.
Listen! 
It sounds like... you have everything under control... over there, I am going... going to go.
It is treacherous driving out here.
Okay, maybe you are right.
I think I will have another glass of wine.
I will see you at Mommy and Daddy's. 
Talk soon.
Okay, drive safe, bye.
Bye.
Here we go.
WICKED PLANTS - AMY STEWART
Ozzie behave. 
I will be back in a jiffy.
Hey, is... is your name Elizabeth?
Yeah. 
Do I know you?
No, sorry.
You do not know me, we... we have not met, but I, I live in the neighborhood.
Or I guess, you live in mine.
Cool. 
Berkeley.
Yeah.
Yeah, I... 
I live in the big blue house... with the white trim on it.
I know that house!
Yeah, that is a great spot.
I walk past it every day.
Yeah, it is a great neighborhood. 
I love it.
I live off Jola's coffee.
It is the best coffee in the city.
Right?
I love their pastries.
They are super buttery, but my God, they are delicious.
I think it was last week, I saw you there.
I was... 
I was just waiting for my order.
I... 
I could not help overhear you talking.
Do you know what?
You are right!
Justin and I were there... celebrating some good news.
What better place to do it, than Jola's, right?
Yeah, it is perfect.
Is Justin your boyfriend?
Yeah, if you mean the person... with the beard, that is he.
My name is John, by the way.
Elizabeth. 
It is a pleasure to meet you.
Likewise.
So, how long have you lived on Berkeley?
About 3 years now.
I got you beat.
I have been there four.
It is such a beautiful neighborhood.
Yeah, I like it.
Is not it crazy though that we have lived... on the same street for 3,
4 years, and here are we... just meeting by chance?
I blame the internet, you know... that whole online dating thing.
My friend Marty is into meeting people online.
I... 
I could never do that.
It kills the romance for me.
Yeah, well, for some of us shy types...
It is kind of one of the only ways to really... get ourselves out there, you know.
I hear you.
So, any luck?
No.
No luck.
However, they say the funny is in the trying, so...
I do not know.
It just always seemed like such... an awkward way to meet people.
Then I am the kind of person.
I do not even like to send e-mails.
I actually still have one of those old answering machines from the 1980 s that my parents used to own.
Really?
- Does it still work?
- Yeah.
I remember those.
Justin calls me analog.
He thinks I am that old-fashioned.
I think that is cool.
I mean, you know, everyone... in these days is so obsessed with their phone and texting.
There is no eye contact any more, you know.
I know. 
Not me neither.
I like to see the world around me.
Well, hey, it was nice to meet you.
Likewise, John.
It is always nice to meet a neighbor.
Maybe I will see you around.
Yeah, that would be great have a good one.
Elizabeth? 
E?
Elizabeth.
Are you in home?
Holy shit!
I am almost happy to see you.
Stop.
God!
So was that make-up sex or break-up sex?
I do not know yet, I have not decided.
Fair enough.
You will never guess who I ran into.
Professor Renwood.
Apparently, he is heading up... the new agricultural division... responsible for documenting my research.
Wait, not the same Professor Renwood who denied you a referral?
The same. 
Now I am his boss.
You are kidding.
How ironic is that?
Perfect example of poetic justice.
This is delicious.
Thank you.
You're welcome!
None for you?
I am not hungry.
Therefore, have you given any more thought... of coming to London with me?
I cannot go.
Not right now.
Why?
It is not up to me.
However, it is up to you too, it is your project.
And that is why I cannot leave just now.
I know this trip is important to you... to your career, in addition, I think that is why... it is so crazy for both of us, but if I leave now, I could be jeopardizing,
the future of my research, moreover, my project.
And if you do not go to London.
You will regret it the rest of your life.
No, it is worse than that.
I could lose my seat with the Orchestra.
And I could lose my tenure at the University.
I am sorry.
I know how you had your heart... set on us being together in London.
Well, I should have expected this, right?
This is what happens when two... ambitious people fall in love.
Look, E...
I have been thinking, and maybe we should think... about moving in together... when you get back.
Shacking up! 
Really?
You will have a contract... position at the Philharmonic.
I will have tenure at the University.
We will have enough money, and we can be workaholics together.
All right!
I guess I am officially accepting your bad news.
I love you.
Whatever.
Hey, Oswald, good buddy.
I heard you were in town.
Did you go by your house?
Alternatively, did you come straight here?
No, I came straight here.
Are you going home?
Yeah, I have to make sure...
Charlie did not tear up the place.
You remember Charlie, do not you? 
Oswald.
Be careful, you know, they say dogs get jealous.
Yeah, right.
I am going to take a shower.
Are you going to let yourself out?
Yes, I can.
Speaking of letting yourself out, young lady.
Maybe is it time you find another... hiding spot for your spare key?
Like where?
Like nowhere.
Under the flower pot went out in the 1990 s.
Why do not you keep it?
Therefore, are you coming back tonight?
I do not know.
Do you want me to?
Honestly, honey, it is okay.
I think I have already moved on.
So are we officially calling... that make-up sex then?
I guess so. 
Lock the door on your way out.
All right!
- Justin?
- Yeah?
You do not forget about dinner... with the parents on Monday night.
This is the first I have heard of it.
Can you make it?
Your mother would never forgive me if I did not.
Of course!
I will be there.
Okay. 
See you tonight.
Hey, E, I forgot...
I picked for you some wildflowers.
JOLA CAFE
The usual?
Yeah.
Turkey, cranberry sandwich and an Americano.
Do you want an extra shot with that?
It is only a buck.
- Sure.
- Cool.
I will have that up in about 15 minutes for you.
If you want to go take a seat.
- Thanks.
- Okay.
Hey, Dakota.
Hey.
What is going on?
- Hanging out.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Where is your Mommy?
Over there.
Yeah? 
High five.
I will see you later, all right?
Yeah. 
Bye.
Bye.
Your food is ready.
That was quick.
Yeah, I threw in a chocolate chip cookie.
I know that is why you like to come back.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
See you tomorrow.
Therefore, do you want to see me?
Yes, I want to ask you for some advice.
Let me guess, you are having second thoughts, about going to England.
Perhaps.
You are such a disappointment to me.
You have so much talent.
You actually have so much talent that I envy you.
Now you are asking me... to stand here and bear witness... you throwing your life away.
Over some stupid person, over some stupid situation!
I just wonder if there are other priorities...?
To take into consideration.
No! 
This is your only opportunity!
You do not squander your fucking potential!
John?
Surprise.
What are you doing here?
- Did you lose this?
- My wallet.
Hold on a second.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Thanks. 
Come on in.
Great!
Come in. 
Come in.
Hey, you must have dropped it.
When you were at the Laundromat.
I found it when I was going to dry my clothes.
It is all there, I promise.
Wow! 
I cannot believe... 
I...
Yeah, it was on top of the washer.
Your address was in your ID, it is on your license, so...
Right.
Thank you.
This is great.
I... 
Thank God it was you, who found it, right?
Yeah.
You are soaking wet, let me get you a towel.
That would be great, thanks.
I figured since we were neighbors
I might as well just bring it by.
Of course, thank you.
Do you mind if I take my coat off?
Stay a while, it is the least I can do.
- Thanks.
- Really.
I lost my wallet once too.
It was such a pain in the ass getting everything replaced and canceled.
Yeah, I need to be more careful.
It must have just fallen out, of my pocket or something.
Yeah.
It is a cool pad.
Thank you. 
It is cozy.
Are you a Musician?
Yeah, I am actually with... the Portland Philharmonic.
Really? 
That is interesting.
How so?
I do not know, I guess I just have never met... a classical musician before.
People normally have like boring jobs.
Like Starbucks, or dental assistant.
You know, like real life jobs.
I have a real life job.
Yeah, I... but you actually, like your job.
Yeah. 
I guess I lucked out.
So how did you get into music?
It was my parents really.
They were the ones that got me... into music when I was young.
Cool! 
Parents are special.
Are you close with your family?
No, I am not, actually.
Can I get you a cup of tea?
Or something hot to drink.
No, I am fine, actually.
What about a glass of water?
Sure. 
Yeah, well, that would be great!
Okay.
So what line of work are you in?
I write. 
In a blog.
I write a blog.
I did not know that was a real job.
Yeah, no, neither did I, until I tried it out.
You know, the more people read my stuff, more clicks I get, in addition, that... turn gets me more advertisers, and somehow I get a check... at the end of the month.
- Hey, if it works.
- Seems to be.
So what about is the blog?
Basic stuff, relationships, dating that sort of thing, how to meet the person of your dreams.
Speaking of which, can I ask you a personal question?
Sure, if it is not too weird.
No, I do not think so.
I mean, I just want... to know about your boyfriend.
Justin. 
Yeah, what about him?
How did you people meet?
Moreover, what he does.
Alternatively, where did you people meet?
Sorry, I know that is a weird question.
But believe it or not, there is thousands of guys out there... that wants to know answers to questions like that.
- Really?
- Yeah.
So, how does a person like... that gets a girl like you?
Well, what is a girl like me?
Come on, you do not make me say it.
You know, I am... 
I am the shy type, remember?
Ozzie, be nice!
You do not worry, he will warm up to you.
It is cool, all cats hate me.
You do not worry about it.
Cats hate everybody, right?
You do not to have answer... that question right now.
I put you on the spot, I am sorry.
Maybe you just think about it.
Sure.
Maybe next time, you could do an interview.
Moreover, you could shed some light on... the whole dating thing for me.
My readers would really, like it.
Sure, sounds good.
Actually maybe you should talk, to Justin as well.
I mean...
Besides, it would be cool for you people to meet.
Yeah, that would be great.
In addition, I was thinking earlier.
I know this hot... violin player, single Mommy, currently looking for the next... exciting thing in her life.
Maybe the four of us could go... grab a coffee some time.
That would be...
that would be great.
I would look forward for it.
Thank you.
- Okay. 
John?
- Yeah.
I need that.
Yeah, of course, sorry.
And thanks again so much for finding my wallet.
Yeah. 
Hey, no worries.
Okay, I am really leaving this time.
Okay. 
You are a lifesaver.
- Take care.
- Bye.
Oswald? 
Ozzie!
Oswald?
Where is that cat?
Oz?
Oz? 
Here, kitty.
Oz, are you hiding?
Oz?
Hey, are you hiding?
No.
Stupid little bastard got out again!
Ozzie. 
Oswald.
Oswald. 
Ozzie.
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Oswald?
Kitty, kitty, kitty, come on.
Oswald.
Oswald.
Jesus!
Stupid cat.
I am sorry.
I... 
I did not see anybody there.
Why would you?
I love the rain.
It is invigorating.
Have you seen a cat anywhere? 
I lost my cat.
Do you mean your friend's cat?
Yeah.
Wait! 
How did you know that?
I... 
I have to go.
You know, they hate the rain.
Cats.
It is probably waiting for you... at your front door.
Thanks.
You have to be kidding me.
Oz.
It has just been one thing... after another this weekend.
Did you at least see Justin?
Yeah, he came over this afternoon.
He is not coming to London with me, by the way.
Is there more you want to tell me... about that or...?
No, not really.
I will fill you in later.
I see.
Dare I say boys will be boys... or does that not apply here?
Nope, it applies.
Well! 
It is still not too late... to find another suitor.
- Mommy, no!
- I am kidding, dear.
Justin is a catch, you should keep him.
I will be sure to mention that to him.
Storm is really kicking in.
I am worried about Justin, he was supposed to come over tonight.
However, he has no-show.
He has not even phoned.
There is still time.
It is early for you young types.
You are still a spring chick yourself, Mommy.
Give yourself some credit.
It is not to me you have... to convince about that...
It is your father.
Well! 
He is still with you, is not he?
Good point.
I talked to David yesterday, by the way.
Good. 
What did he have to say?
Anything interesting?
No, not really.
He is just giving me a hard time, as per usual.
Great! 
Hang on, Mommy.
Having a bit of a minor disaster over here.
Do you want your father to come over?
Do you think?
He would mind... traipsing across town... to rescue his little girl in the rain!
Please he lives for that sort of stuff.
Especially for his little girl.
I do not think Daddy would ever... let me live in down.
If I could not even change a light bulb.
Neither would your brother.
Okay, hold on a sec.
I am not going anywhere, take your time.
Okay, I am back.
So Carol is coming on Monday.
I forgot to mention that... on your answering machine.
- Who?
- David's girlfriend.
You remember, she came for Christmas briefly.
The biology major.
Yeah, I liked her.
Good! 
Should I be expecting Justin as well?
I hope so, if he can make it.
He has just so absorbed in his work.
Mommy, I am going to have to call you back.
Things are getting hectic over here.
Domestic difficulties is getting the best of you?
Yeah, you have no idea.
I can wait. 
Go do what you have to do.
Are you sure?
Believe me, I have nothing better to do.
As pathetic as it may sound.
Okay.
PANTRY
Well! 
What is going on over there?
Nothing, I am just taking... care of a juvenile cat, and cleaning up bloody mess.
Well, maybe I should have... to send your father, after all.
I am glad, you are enjoying this.
Immensely.
Okay, voilà!
That maybe is my cue to say goodnight.
Okay, goodnight, Mommy.
I love you, and so does your father.
Let us chat tomorrow.
- Okay. 
Bye.
- Goodnight, honey.
It is late!
Justin, where are you?
This is Justin. 
Leave a message after the beep.
Justin?
Justin?
Bless you.
INTRUDER Translation. 
Review. 
Synchronization by Angel.
Rusty!
Somebody! 
Help me!
Anybody!
Help me! 
Anybody!
Help!
Help!
Here is your food.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, you're welcome!
No cookie?
No, not this time.
By the way, I just moved into the neighborhood.

[An owl cry]
[A dark song]
[An owl cry]
"People...
[Dark song]
You don't know me anymore."
[Thunderstorms]
"Before you believed in us, spirits."
"You called me a glassman."
"But now you act against nature."
"You want to conquer the world."
[Dug]
"Remember the old pines, where the spirits dwell."
"One of you brought the tribes of the great river to Holland,"
"where they acted for wood and gold."
His name was...
Michel, the Dutchman, and he brought greed to the world.
He took his own heart, with which he felt nothing.
He had gone into the shadows.
[Calling]
People didn't want him anymore.
[Thunder]
[Dramatic music]
[Muffled screams]
They thought he was dead.
But one can't die without a heart.
Motivated by revenge, he cursed the people and sought the way back to the world.
Let's keep him in his corner.
Because we always believe in people.
There's another one we should report today.
He's the coal miner Peter Munk.
THE COLD HEART
[Soft female vocal]
[Distant voices]
[Harp sound]
[Female vocal]
Peter!
Peter!
Peter. 
Come now.
It is lit.
Looks good.
[Moan]
Be careful!
- You can take it?
- I think so.
[Laughter]
Can you help us?
[Laughs] 
- The dirty ones of coal!
Dogs!
[Moan]
Careful!
If the woodcutter comes, the coal is to the side. 
Got it?
- Exactly!
[Laughter]
[Subtle female vocal]
Oh, sorry.
Löbl, the coal people!
Go ahead.
Peter, come now.
- Wait here.
- Okay.
Hello, Löbl. 
I have four quintals of coal for transportation.
Out there. 
Well assorted.
Without residues.
Sit down.
[Female vocal]
[A door beats]
- Who's there?
- It's me, Dad.
This is too little.
[The girl whispers] 
- Speak softly.
10 from the yard.
That gives... 40.
Times are changing.
My coal is good. 
Of the best quality.
It's worth 10.
Then sell it somewhere else.
Last bid: 35 for all.
18... or nothing.
You're not going to do this to me, Löbl.
I'm going to Wolfach tomorrow.
I'll set the price with the other coal sellers.
Get out of here!
- He touched you?
- No.
- Dad, he didn't do anything.
- He's a coal boy.
[Subtle female vocal]
Today is the festival of consecration in Gutach.
Maybe we'll sell all coal.
- Are we going to Jungweih?
Yes.
Come on.
[The female voice disappears]
[Calling]
[Rhythmic cry]
Juben.
Coal!
Who needs coal?
Great coal for a good price!
My ladies, coal?
Nothing.
Is there anything for a poor pig?
If you bring me someone who buys my coal.
I's good coal. 
Special coal.
No waste.
Did you see?
He is also a coal miner.
Look. 
Before they all had a decent profession.
If it continues like this, soon we'll also sit there.
Don't talk like that.
Let's separate. 
I'll go with the cart through the courtyards.
You try your luck here.
All right?
- Yeah.
- Peter.
I'm proud of you.
Coal!
Who needs coal?
Coal!
[Rumble]
[Laughter]
Pub.
Wine, fuck you!
Wine!
Ah, the dance queen!
Look at her.
A glorious girl.
Take the course, you ox!
I'm going for a walk.
Start the dance.
See you soon.
- Ah!
- At last!
[Voices and laughter]
- Hi, Lisbeth.
[Mocking laughter]
- Hi, Peter.
- His name is Peter!
- Did you sell your coal?
- No, I didn't sell it all.
- I'm going to the ball. 
Come with me?
- Peter stays.
If you talk to my daughter again, I'll beat you up.
Maybe he just wants something to drink.
Don't be so insensitive.
Or maybe he wants to play dice?
Want to be rich like us?
To be able to ask for the hand of the dancing queen?
Try your luck.
But before you play, you have to show us your bet.
[Laughter]
Are you realizing something?
The piglets don't eat at the butcher's table.
So let the puppets dance.
[All in chorus] Ohhh!
[Drums, screams and applause]
Gentle gift.
Gentle gift.
[Screams and whistles]
You can't go against them.
His dice are addicted.
I lost my house in the game of dice.
Schui, dance with me.
[Rhythmic percussion]
[Rhythmic clicks]
[Screams]
[Melancholic music]
Time to show the dance.
The rules are the same as always.
The music gets faster and faster and whoever stands at the end wins.
I wish you all the best of luck.
[Melancholic music]
Greetings from the king of the dance floor.
[Laughter] 
- Ohh...
He doesn't like it when someone looks at his girl.
[He chokes]
[Mocking laughter]
Peter?
[Distant cries]
For me, it's okay.
No problem.
Is Bastian your fiancé?
So I wanted...
I...
[Melancholic music]
- I's all right?
- Yes.
Did you sell the coal?
No.
Was it good in Jungweih?
Peter?
Come on, let's go to sleep too.
Think again about the glassman.
I'm going tomorrow to Wolfach.
I need to talk to the other charcoal workers.
Stop with your ghost stories.
We can only help each other.
Yeah...
[Bleats of goat]
Tell me again about the glassman.
He lives in the mountains.
On a giant spruce.
And he can grant wishes if someone was born on a Sunday, just like you.
The spirits protect us.
From evil?
From ourselves.
[Dark music]
[Scary music]
[Rumble]
All right. 
That's enough.
300 spruces, Dad.
Maybe 310.
In Amsterdam, I sell them in half a day.
In six weeks, the ferries leave.
Until then I need 1000.
And where should we take them from?
That is the land of coalmen.
There we have no right to wood.
Since when do I care?
[Screams]
[Bird chirping] [subtle female vocals]
Tell me about glassmaking.
- Glassmaking?
- Yes.
Fire makes glass.
It's so hot it melts the stone.
But the glass captures the fire.
Look.
Know what?
I also want to be a glassmaker.
- Coal man!
- Coal man!
- Coal man!
Where is he?
Coal man, your heater is burning.
Won't you do something?
Why don't you help him?
- What are you doing here?
- Helping him.
Why?
What are you doing here?
Let me go.
Let me...
- With whom?
- Leave her alone.
[Tense music]
Come here, little coalgirl.
You'll also have a little kiss of mine.
Stop!
[Sounds of battle]
[Screams]
Be quiet!
Ah!
Peter!
[Sighs]
- Let's take you home.
Sure it'll cheer the old man.
What?
[Threatening music]
[Groan]
Shhh...
The torch...
- When does Dad come back?
- I don't know. 
Tomorrow.
He will understand.
- He will not understand.
- He will.
Peter.
Peter!
Peter, come back.
[Strange animal noise]
[Crack]
[Melodic whistle]
[Whistling gets louder]
[Dog whine]
[Whistling goes on]
[Dog whine]
[Whistling goes on]
[Whistling ceases]
You got lost?
[Somber sound]
A coalman.
But... your torch burnt you.
And now you want to ask the spirits of the forest for help?
Are you the glassman?
Some call me...
- Michel, the Dutchman.
Michel, the Dutchman...
I can help you.
Need gold?
I guess I need to go.
I think you're coming back.
[Magic sounds]
Glassman?
[Clicks]
Threatening sounds]
[Clicks]
People?
Yes.
A human. 
A human.
Yeah?
Shhh!
Before, many people came to us.
But now...
they no longer believe in spirits.
Our tree is sick.
Can you feel it?
People knocked down the big trees.
And we become weaker.
Mom says that you can satisfy the desires of the children of the sun.
Desires?
Do you come from far away?
[Clicks]
What do you want?
I want to be the best dancer.
From the dice, I want to have as much money in my pockets as Etzel, the tree merchant.
All right.
Dance and gold.
[Clicks]
- Can you really get it?
- You wanted it, didn't you?
Were very foolish wishes.
But you still have one.
You must desire something wise.
I wish the most beautiful factory in the whole Black Forest.
This is a clever wish.
You wished to be the best glass maker.
Then the cabin would come by itself.
You will want to have wisdom, not dance and gold.
[Barking dog]
[Door creaks]
Closed.
Ahn...
He must say what he wants.
[Scratch]
"So much money in his pockets as Etzel, the logger."
I want to play the dice.
[Etzel laughs]
The rules are still the same.
What do you want to play the dice?
[Mischievous music]
Bursar, a mug for our guest!
Bet of two florins.
The biggest hit wins.
Do you agree?
Bet.
Are we going to play only five guilders?
By me.
[Exciting music]
Two and one.
This is very bad, isn't it?
Stop this.
You're a bad winner.
[Clicks]
Are you really mad at me?
Why?
Because I told your father about you.
Yes.
Do we even dance at Thanksgiving?
We are the kings of the track, aren't we?
[Beats]
So let's start.
The works of glass of the deceased glass manufacturer Walter Winkfritz will be auctioned.
Offers?
20 florins.
20 florins. 
Someone else?
We're thirsty.
Finish it soon.
He is right.
Then 20 guilders by the Löbl glass.
I give it one, I give it two...
- And give it...
- 50 florins.
50 florins?
- This is useless.
- He has nothing.
50 florins. 
Someone else?
80.
- 80 florins.
- 100 florins.
100 florins.
The house isn't worth so much.
100 florins.
Give it one...
- Give it two...
- 200.
- 200 florins.
- 250 florins.
250 florins.
250. 
Give it one...
give it two...
- And give it three.
- Come on.
Tha auction is over.
Tha glass factory goes to Peter Munk.
Where do you want to go now?
[Silence]
You can stay here for now.
We're definitely getting along.
Thank you.
- What do you need a glass factory for?
- To make glasses.
Where did you get so much money?
See you in the dance.
[Rhythmic percussion]
[Screams and applause]
[Enthusiastic applause]
Hey!
[Beat]
Out with him.
[Peter steps on again]
Come on, stop it.
[Peter steps on again]
[He laughs]
[Beats and claps of palms]
[Screams and applause]
[Murmur and applause]
[Mumble]
[Buzz]
[Whistling and exacerbated voices]
[Peter steps on again]
[Screams and applause]
[The mob cries and praises]
[Emotive music]
[Subtle female vocal]
[Not understandable]
What?
Stop!
The coal maker Jakob Munk was found dead.
[Murmur out loud]
[Dark music]
[Sounds and whispers of horror]
[Sad sound of violin]
Maybe we should start over.
Maybe.
Sit down a little.
It's very hot.
Something is wrong.
It's not even melted yet.
[Beat]
Yeah?
- How are you?
- It's bad for Mom.
She doesn't leave the house anymore.
I don't know what to do.
- Who are you?
- These are Esther and Samuel.
They help me make glasses.
- This is beautiful.
- Come here.
Hi.
- I am Lisbeth.
- Hi.
Is Peter doing everything right?
- Yes.
- Yes?
Have you ever done this before?
- No.
- Can I show you?
Yes.
It's not hot enough.
[Gasps]
This way.
This now take a while.
We have time.
Does you father know you're here?
He thinks I'm with Jeckel in Wolfach.
[They laugh]
[Excited music]
Our first glass.
Very ugly.
Do you think anyone would buy it?
Do you want to sell it?
Are you kidding!
At some point, I have to sell something.
I have little money.
I think you need someone to help you.
It's our first glass.
Very ugly.
So... if you want to sell something, you have to do something special.
I'll show you something.
This is cobalt, right?
- Yes.
- Jeckel can turn it into blue glass.
- But Dad forbade it.
- Why did he forbid?
Mr. Löbl is crazy. 
He believes that people consider this magic.
I can show you how to do it.
But?
Lisbeth, you know you can't stay here.
The old man will suspect.
I'm needed here.
Why should I go home?
And for how long will this work?
It's a gift.
Do you want to marry my daughter?
And... you want him too?
All out.
So can you afford it?
A wedding is expensive.
For Lisbeth, only the best is enough.
500 florins.
Bring me the money and we can do business.
You can take back your blue glass.
Beware of who is going to show it.
- Interested? 
I'm selling it.
- What do I have with that?
You know what Löbl would do to me if I buy your glass?
- Where is Etzel?
- In Holland, selling wood.
Holland...
When does he come back?
I have no idea.
[Discussion]
What do you want with my father?
I owe you no satisfaction.
- Do you have secrets?
[Friends of Bastian laugh]
I am not...
Am I not old enough for you?
Am I not brave enough for you?
Don't I have enough smell in my mouth for you?
Am I not insensitive enough for you?
[Door knoks]
[Dramatic sounds]
[Clinking coins]
Dou you like a little game?
You cannot always win.
But you never win.
I took a long trip.
- Etzel.
- A game!
The last game.
Everything or nothing.
[Dramatic sound]
- So much money he has no more.
- As much as you I always have.
Great. 
You start.
Leave me alone!
Peter, stop it.
I have everything under control.
It's all right.
That's what you imagine.
Think of your father.
- Enough! 
Remove the beggar.
- Get away with him.
What is it now?
The dice!
Everything or nothing.
[Tense music]
- I won!
[Screams]
I'm out.
[Lively voices]
- It's due one round.
- Yes, one round!
The next round is on me.
Beer!
Values!
[Dramatic sounds]
As much as I do, you always have, don't you?
- His pockets are empty. 
Show your money.
- He makes it disappear.
He makes the pocket full and empty, as it suits him.
- His mother is a witch.
- A witch.
Stop him!
[Dramatic music]
An office worker needs to free the cell.
[Growl loudly]
Now hit someone with a dead dog.
[Growl]
Go away. 
He is angry.
Out of here!
- Hey you!
[The dog barks and snarls]
[Distant bark]
Peter.
What happened?
Everything went wrong.
- What?
- They're after me.
Here.
The dog saved me.
Can people become animals when they die?
[Distant voices]
- You go to the old hut.
- Yes.
- And you?
- I need money.
- There's a man in the woods.
- The glassman.
No. 
He's called Michel, the Dutchman.
No...
Peter...
[Threatening music]
[Melodic whistle]
[Whistling gets louder]
[Whistling stops suddenly]
Ah, the coal boy.
Are you cold?
I need money.
You are lucky.
I just got fired.
Come here.
[Whistle again]
It's hot on the fire.
Come on.
Sit down.
Birch wine.
You should try.
He came in here, the little beetle.
So I built a house for him.
- Are you a forest spirit?
- No.
I'm a person.
Just like you.
The spirits of the forest are not my friends.
You've changed.
Good looking.
No more charcoal, eh?
Now I'm a glass manufacturer.
And I have a girl, Lisbeth.
Her Dad wants 500 florins for the wedding.
Ah-ha.
I know a lot about this world.
I'm very traveled.
Have you ever been to Holland?
Holland...
The Netherlands is the gateway to the world.
There are ships as big as churches and they sail... beyond the horizon... to the realm of magic.
You need money.
I tell you, the money in on the road.
But you...
Don't you dare to seek it.
You know why?
Because you are afraid.
Now you say, "Why? 
I'm brave."
But your courage leaves you when it comes to your advantage.
You're afraid, it's worthless.
Because they laugh at you.
You're afraid of being uncomfortable, of hurting others when you have to.
But with that you do only harm yourself.
You're afraid no one will love you.
But in fact you want to be loved for one thing:
your success!
And that you have to accept.
Can I help you?
Yes.
Where is your fear?
Feel it!
In my heart?
Yes.
Do you know whose heart this is?
Etzel, the Dutch.
Do not believe me?
This is Löbl, the glazier.
The forest engineer.
Some moneylenders.
The richest people in the Black Forest.
What has Etzel now in his chest?
- It works?
- it works very well.
Cool in the chest in summer and in winter a drink helps more than the throbbing thing.
And what do you do with this heart?
I take care of it.
Without heart you don't go to heaven.
When you die, you seek it back.
You'd better go first to the road.
Strange places no one knows.
Taking what appears.
And about Lisbeth?
One thing after another.
You come back like a rich man...
and you get her.
Want to overcome your fear?
Yes.
Yes.
[Screams]
[He chokes]
[He screams]
[Dark sounds]
[A knife is chipped]
[Perturbing music]
[Whispering voices]
[Rhythmic pulse]
Lisbeth.
You look great.
Say, let's dance again?
As before.
You know, nobody dances as well as you.
Sorry, but I can't.
Do you really think he's coming back?
Sure.
Peter?
[Creaking of the door]
[Melancholic piano sound]
[She cries softly]
[Distant dog bark]
[Screams]
Ah!
Attention, wagon!
Gentle gift.
[Lively buzz]
[People are silent]
The Munk.
It's on me today.
- To celebrate the return.
[He puts money on the counter]
For our land.
Last time...
he made the money disappear.
To make money disappear?
That would be bery stupid.
I had the money... but no intention of paying you.
[Laughter]
Wine for all!
And?
- How are business?
- The trade in woods is worth it.
In Amsterdam, gold is in the streets.
Why don't you stay there?
Missing.
The heart was so tight!
If you stand in my way, I'll wind up with you.
Do you have room available?
I have. 
For him too?
Yes. 
He doesn't talk much.
He has no more tongue, but... he is a good-hearted man.
[Beat]
Get in.
I was waiting for you.
I couldn't come early.
But now I'm here.
I'm no more a coal boy.
They said horible things.
That you're involved with the devil.
Who said that?
Someone, from the village, but it doesn't matter.
What do you have there?
I was very sick, Lisbeth.
Please don't tell anyone about this.
I don't want people to think I'm crippled.
Now I'm a merchant of wood.
We are building the most beautiful house in Gutach.
Do you like it?
Our glass factory also looked beautiful.
The glass factory.
In Holland there are huge palaces.
Glass windows, five meter high, in all colors. 
They have sevants for everything.
They warm up, wear one, go through hair.
I have something for you.
For you.
Thank you.
[Subtle female voices]
[Beat]
Get in.
Lisbeth, please leave us a minute alone.
I can do much for you.
Tell me exactly what happened.
Can you protect me?
It was morning.
After the dance in Jungweih.
Frieder, the woodcutter...
He woke me up and offered me money.
I should divert your father out of the way with an apology.
That was all.
[Incomprehensible]
But Jakob, he felt that something was wrong.
[Muffled blow]
And then... we took him to Etzel.
[Jakob moans]
Do you know what you are?
A coal man.
He threatened.
By the right to wood.
- They are my trees.
- You don't know where you are.
Fuck you!
If you say that under oath,
I'll give you back your coal mine.
What is the charge?
When I leave, I cover your back skin with a blow.
- I brought you beer.
- Kind of you.
Peter is back.
He rented a room at the inn.
Löbl.
- You know what's going on?
- No.
- You're warned.
- Yes.
- What about the father?
- I don't know. 
Keep calm, okay?
I do what I can.
Löbl.
Before I forget.
500 florins. 
As agreed.
To the wedding.
In the next Sunday?
In the bride's house.
I already spoke with the priest.
So?
Are you in a hurry, eh?
Peter.
Buy something to eat.
[Rumble]
We'll get you out of here, Dad.
Citizens of Gutach.
Yesterday I authorized the arrest of the wood seller Etzel.
There is an accusation under oath that he caused the death of the coal miner Jakob Munk.
- From who? 
From who?
- Silence!
Silence!
Who said that?
He should stand up and say it in my face.
[Murmur, beats]
It's the blood court.
That stays with the duke.
And he will also check the testimonial.
Until then Etzel remains in custody and testimony under protective supervision.
What? 
No, no.
Silence!
- For the consideration of the cout, no time limit. 
- Yes.
And my land?
The work of hundreds of men.
- Explain this to them.
- Are they supposed to starve?
Of course not.
To minimize damage to the village, owned by the accused, and his workers, the Council determined a manager.
Offered for this...
the logger Peter Munk.
What?
[Rumble]
- The coal man?
- The coal boy?
- Is there an objection?
- Yes. 
Yes!
Of the Council members?
- No objections.
- Löbl. 
Löbl!
- Session closed.
- The coal eater plotted it.
You bastard!
- You witch!
- How much did you pay?
- Löbl!
- Where is Etzel?
- This is the coal miner.
What does he want here?
I laugh with the dead.
Who calls us here?
Stay quiet!
Now I tell you the new rules.
You will be paid for performance.
There will be no more fixed salary.
Whoever brings more wood will receibe more money.
Dutch firs are worth twice as much.
Last year you sent a thousand spruces to Holland.
But this year... will be two thousand.
[Small creaking]
Are you crazy?
What are you doing here?
- I missed you.
- Shh!
Me too.
Take off your nightgown.
Au.
- Take off your nightgown.
- Please ove that stick away.
Take off.
Take off now.
Take it off.
[Dark sounds]
[He complains]
[She is scared]
- Ahna.
- Lisbeth?
Does your drink bring the spirits of the forest?
Yes.
Now he protects us.
Ahna, you know everything.
Ever heard of Michel the Dutchman?
Michel the Dutchman?
[Cutting noise]
Behind, the centuries-old trees.
Everything two men can't cover.
- What are you doing, Peter?
- We cut down the trees.
Your father always liked these trees.
He also didn't know they have value.
[Bark] 
- Careful! 
Careful!
Go away.
[Thedog growls]
What? 
Fear of a dog?
[Bark]
[Cry]
Are you alright?
It's this beggar Schui-Franz.
Munk bought him.
And now he tells those stories.
Is it true?
What do you have to do with the death of old Munk?
"Where it flattens, chips always fall."
Young.
A coal boy.
Dirt.
Listen, I want to get out of here.
Fill the beggar's mouth.
How should I do?
With money?
Get him out of the way.
[Threatening sound]
- I have money!
- Go to sleep.
[Coins clinking] 
- I have money!
Go home!
[Snoring] [threatening music]
[Melodic whistle]
[The whistle continues]
[Whistling]
[Lively voices]
Welcome.
[Voices]
[Rumble]
Greetings
I cannot marry you, Peter.
- Because you have no heart anymore.
- Lisbeth.
I was very sick. 
A doctor in Holland healed me. 
You know it.
This is not true.
It was Michel the Dutchman.
Lisbeth!
Michel the Dutchman has your heart.
[Whisper]
Why do not you believe me?
Look at him!
[Dramatic sounds]
I'm worried about her.
[Dramatic music]
Lisbeth!
[Inharmonious music]
[Dramatic sounds]
Lisbeth. 
Come here!
What has happened to your heart?
Yes.
What you're saying is true.
My heart is with Michel.
You're not the same anymore, don"t you see?
But it only makes me feel good.
No one else laughs at me.
We'll bring your heart back.
In some way.
I did it all for you.
- Come!
- Ah!
Lisbeth.
Lisbeth.
[Sing of a bird]
[The bird sings]
[Subtle female voice]
[Subtle female voice]
No!
- Do not mix.
- You're my son. 
That's enough.
You destroyed everything that was important.
Where did you leave your heart?
[Melancholic music]
[Thunder, raindrops]
[Screams]
[Melancholic music]
[Screams]
[Thunder]
[Singing]
[Whisper of the wind]
Michel the Dutchman.
[Hectic music]
- Michel!
- Shh! 
Don't yell like that.
How was it in Holland?
I want my heart back.
Why?
What is wrong?
Everything is empty.
Lisbeth is dead.
Nothing makes more sense.
Come on.
I will show you something.
What is it?
These are your bad deeds.
Your lies.
Your fault.
Do you see the heavy shadows?
Did you knock someone down?
Do you still want to get it back?
Why didn't you tell me?
You deceived me.
You said that, if I died, I would have my heart back.
I said that?
[Dramatic Music]
[Moan and whisper]
[Dramatic music]
[Melodic whistle]
[Dark music]
[Disharmonious music]
[Pulsation]
[Dramatic sounds]
[Scary sound]
[Bird hiss]
[Bird sings]
[Dark music]
Come on.
Sit down.
Birch wine.
Take away the dark thoughts.
You can try.
Can I see my father's heart?
Sure.
He despises me because I'm not like him.
Yes.
I know.
[Hectic music]
Here.
Look closely.
This is the heart of your father.
Here Peter, the coal miner.
Löbl, the glass manufacturer.
The forest engineer.
A moneylender.
The richest people in the entire Black Forest.
- What do you do with the hearts?
- I take care of them.
You don't go to heaven without a heart.
When you die, you have it back.
[Whistle]
[Crack]
[Dramatic music]
[Moan and whisper]
[Fluttering music]
Make... the heart back.
[War cry]
It was not a good idea... to come here.
[Screams]
[Bird song]
You fool, you...
[Bird sings]
[Dramatic music]
[Silence]
[Dark music]
[Gasping breathing]
[Dark music]
[Cry of pain]
[Dramatic sounds]
[Muffled roar]
Loud bang]
[Crash]
Bastian!
Bastian, come on!
[Screams]
[Crash]
[Quiet music]
[Click]
- Where is Michel?
- Dead.
Your friend saved you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Your heart.
He has his heart back.
He feels pain.
His bad works hurt him.
Everyone has their heart back.
Also my father? 
Etzel, the logger.
If it was stuck with the Dutchman, he has it back now.
I need him.
People...
[Peter cries bitterly]
Do you want to jump?
Your people always think only of themselves.
You are a solar child.
You should bring happiness among people.
But you are foolish.
Let him take your heart.
How foolish can a person be?
[Bird song]
[Bird sings]
[Click]
Go, people.
[Bird chirping]
[Subtle female coral]
[Moan and whisper]
Mom.
[She cries]
[Bird song]
[Bird sings]
[Subtle female coral]
[He cries]
Peter.
I dreamt I was a bird.
And I dreamt...
[Subtle female coral]
[Song becomes painful]
Coal!
Coal?
Dad?
Dad?
Dad!
Bury him.
Throw him away.
Do with them as you please.
[Peace music]
The glass captures the fire.
One time someone told me.
[Subtle female voice]
You wanted to be the masters of the world.
Do something.
[Subtle female coral]

The Carmichael Show is taped in front of a live studio audience.
What the reverend said today was absolutely disgusting!
It was vile!
If he'd said that 1,000 years ago, the church would've hung him for heresy!
Okay, Mom, well, I think you are tremendously overstating what happened here today and being quite irrational.
No, I am not.
Okay, well, I think you are.
No, you do not.
All right, well...
I think it was pretty brave of the reverend to get up there in front of the congregation and admit he'd been battling a porn addiction.
Boy, oh, boy what that reverend did today was brave!
Somebody needs to make a meme of him standing in front of a tank in Tiananmen square.
Joe, it was not brave, it was disgusting.
Not to mention the children had to hear that filth!
Man, this is the first time
I haven't fell asleep in church in years.
I wonder what the reverend gonna confess to next week.
I hope it's tax evasion.
You know, tax evasion is sexy right now.
I loved how open and honest that reverend was.
Is church always this interesting?
It's not supposed to be interesting, Maxine.
It's church. 
It's not a TED Talk.
I wonder what type of pornography the reverend watches.
I would've asked, but he never opened the floor to questions.
All right, well, hold on to your question, Bobby.
Maybe you'll get a chance to ask it next week.
Okay, look here, Jerrod, if that's sarcasm,
I don't appreciate it, okay?
You stifle my curiosity, and that belittles us both.
Reverend Carlson is supposed to be a leader.
I've turned to him for moral guidance for over 35 years.
Now I'm gonna have to figure out where I can find a new church home for every Sunday and Wednesday and Thursday.
My entire social calendar is in shambles.
Well, Mom, you don't have to leave the church just because the reverend admitted something honest and made himself vulnerable to the congregation.
Well, I can't think of a better reason to leave a church.
Sounds like somebody hasn't seen Spotlight.
Well, I don't think it's as big a deal as y'all are making it out to be.
The reverend just admitted to doing something that's perfectly normal that every man does.
Joe, how you gonna sit there and say it was perfectly normal, something that every man does?
You don't watch porno.
Joe?
You watch porno, Joe?
Daddy?
Well, you know what?
I'm tired of being ashamed anyway, damn it.
And if this reverend can find the strength to come clean, so can I.
Joe Carmichael watches porn.
There, I said it.
Bobby!
♪
Joe, you are a sexual deviant, just like my reverend.
I'm not no sexual deviant.
I don't watch anything too hard-core.
I'm mostly into... lesbian stuff.
Look, I enjoy the supple, gentle nature of women.
Joe!
Look, Ma, Dad's right.
It's not really that big of a deal.
I know this is a weird thing to admit in front of your whole family, but...
I watch porn, too, Ma.
God.
That is a weird sentence to say out loud.
Oh, no, Jerrod, not you!
Maxine, did you know about this?
I mean, we've never really talked about it, but I assumed.
That's why I always knock before I enter our bedroom.
Bobby.
Sweet, innocent, pure-spirited Bobby.
Tell me you don't watch pornography.
Okay, Mama, you're putting me in a tough spot.
Uh, I don't want to lie to you, but I don't want to let you down.
So what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna say no, and then I'm gonna wink right after that.
No.
Now, you interpret that how you see fit.
Oh, my God!
All my boys are watching the lesbians on the Internet?
!
Now, look here, Mama.
I actually don't really like lesbian porn.
It's just too many toys.
I don't think lesbians should be able to use toys.
Look, you made a choice, stick with it!
Is my entire family addicted to porn?
!
I don't think anyone here is actually addicted to porn.
And I think watching it in moderation is a healthy way for people to explore their own sexuality.
You always have an opinion!
Hey, Ma, look.
No one in the family is addicted to porn.
In fact, I don't think the reverend's addicted to porn.
He just lives in this environment where people judge him and make him feel guilty for watching.
JOE: 
Yeah, honey.
Porn is not a-a real addiction.
I mean, it's-it's...
sexuality is natural.
It's a basic need.
Next thing you're gonna say is people can get addicted to air or food.
Uh, actually, Joe, people can be addicted to food.
People go to programs for overeating all the time.
Overeating?
There's no such thing as overeating.
You eat till your hand gets tired.
That is not when you're supposed to stop eating.
I mean, you can watch as much porn as you want, but you need to eat better.
Well, if you are telling me that I can't eat a cheeseburger while watching two lesbians make sweet love to each other on the Internet, kill me now.
Ain't nobody want to live in a world without girl-on-girl action and ground beef.
No more porn, Joe.
I will not stand for that disgusting smut in my house!
No! 
No! 
No, no.
You may think that porn is harmless, but let me tell you, I've seen it destroy too many marriages.
Tammy's marriage, Denise's marriage...
BOBBY: 
Whoa, whoa, wait.
I thought Denise's marriage ended because her husband was abusive.
No, her first husband was abusive.
Her second husband was on that porn!
(sighs) Look, y'all,
Mom's right, okay?
I mean, porn can mess you up.
You know, I-I saw professionals having sex before I even did it myself.
And, I mean, it creates these unrealistic expectations.
How do they not take a water break?
Well, Bobby is right.
I mean, our generation starts watching porn early.
I saw my first porn before I saw The Lion King.
Well, that's why I never gave Jerrod and Bobby the talk.
I figure they gonna watch porn anyway, and a picture's worth a thousand words, and videos have thousands of images, so they got a very thorough sex talk.
And thanks to the Internet,
I didn't have to participate in any of it.
God, I wish my mom had left me to figure it out on my own.
She just had a couple martinis, sat me down and said,
"Sex is power."
I was eight.
All of you have lost your way.
I'm gonna shut down that Internet.
I'm gonna find us a new place to worship.
Because you all need church right now.
'Cause you're nasty.
You're just nasty!
Uh, Cynthia, don't go searching the history on our computer.
I came clean. 
I told you everything.
You think your mama knows what a MILF is?
- I...
- Cynthia?
Cynthia, MILFs are the same age as us, so that's not nasty.
(sighs): 
Oh.
Church for the first time, talking about porn with your family.
Not a bad Sunday, huh?
Well, let's do neither of those things again for a while.
All right, Maxine, Netflix Sunday.
Let's, uh, put on our sweats and watch Friends until we see a black person.
(chuckles)
Last time, we got through an entire season.
You know, porn has such a stigma attached to it because people in our country are so uptight about sex.
Mm-hmm.
We should be able to talk about it.
Mm-hmm.
Let's talk about it.
No.
Come on, what kind of porn do you watch?
Maxine, why do you insist on asking questions that will destroy us?
Come on, this is ridiculous.
We can have sex, but we can't talk about sex?
Yeah, because talking about sex is way more intimate than having it.
In fact, people have sex just to avoid talking about it.
Do you have any fetishes?
I'm not doing this with you, Maxine.
Or, like, a favorite porn star?
(sighs)
Ariana Marie.
Who's that?
Actually, it's a tie between her and Alexis Texas.
Uh, they're both from Texas.
Actually, Ariana is from Clearwater, Florida.
She grew up in Texas though.
She's, like, five-four, dark hair, green eyes.
You know the type.
What, what, do you have this girl's rookie card or something?
Oh.
Also, I really like Dani Daniels.
She's really funny on Instagram.
Oh, you follow her on Instagram?
Yeah. 
Oh, honorary mention...
Cassidy Banks... and Harley Dean.
Okay, how much porn are you watching?
And when are you doing all this?
Well, you know when I text you and I ask you, like, what time are you coming home exactly?
You send me those texts a lot.
Yeah, because I'm a man, Maxine.
I can't be pent up.
You know what happens when a man is pent up?
People get killed.
Like, the last mass shooting could've been avoided
Well, Jerrod, women have just as much need and desire as men.
This might surprise you to hear, but I watch porn, too.
You watch porn?
What type of porn are you watching?
I search for more amateur stuff.
I like it when they're, like, real-life couples.
'Cause I think an honest human connection is a... huge turn-on.
Maxine, that's disgusting.
I mean, what I watch is fantasy.
You're being a creepy third wheel in someone else's relationship.
Okay, I thought we were having an open, honest conversation without judgment.
Who promised no judgment?
I didn't promise no judgment.
I am judging you right now.
When are you finding all the time to watch these real people have sex anyway?
I don't know, like, last night.
Last night?
Uh, I was here last night.
Yeah, I know you were home.
I just... 
I drew myself a bath, had a little me time.
You were asleep.
Well, why didn't you wake me up?
Think I could've helped you out with that, Maxine.
Uh, you wake me up for everything.
You woke me up 'cause you thought you solved Making a Murderer.
Are you really uncomfortable with the idea of me watching porn?
No, I'm not uncomfortable.
I'm just worried about you having all these products near the bathtub.
It voids the AppleCare.
So you're just gonna take all my Apple products?
Steve Jobs didn't die for this!
Dad, you're in here drinking whiskey?
Well, your mama's mad at me, so here we are.
There are other ways to relieve stress, but your mama's holding the computer hostage.
She's really mad, huh?
What happened after I left?
She screamed, "You're not the man I married,"
and slammed the door to our room and hasn't come out since.
Your brother's, uh, sulking because your mama's mad and nobody wants to go to Red Robin with him.
So it has been... a rough day for everyone.
- Yeah.
- (clears throat)
Uh, kind of want to talk to you about something between me and Maxine, but I got to be honest, it's a little awkward to bring up.
Jerrod, I gave you a Diane Sawyer amount of access to my life today.
Okay.
Maxine told me that she watches porn.
Well, a lot of your modern women are into that now.
Your Lena Dunhams, your Rashida Joneses, that girl that works at the Rite Aid.
No, but she doesn't just watch it.
She, like, sneaks off and does it while I'm still at home.
You telling me that Maxine watches porn while her able-bodied boyfriend is available in the next room?
Yes.
Thank you.
Now, clearly you need sex advice.
Now, you came to the right place.
You see, son, good sex is all about the calf muscles.
Nope. 
Nope.
I am not here for sex advice.
I'm just concerned.
I mean, Maxine and I are going on two years, and I'm worried that this is a sign that maybe the passion is fading in our relationship.
Well, in my 34 years of marriage,
I've had plenty of worries and fears.
Am I good enough?
Am I making her happy?
Is ten minutes too long or too short?
So worrying about the passion fading is normal.
Not for you.
Y'all ain't even been together barely two years.
You should still be in the honeymoon phase.
This is a disaster.
You know, you may want to consider the possibility that you just bad at sex.
Oh, no. 
No, no, no, Dad.
I'm not bad at sex.
Well, let me see your calves.
No, no, don't...
Are you serious right now?
Do you really think that maybe Maxine isn't satisfied?
Jerrod, if your mama makes me dinner and I sneak out the house for a cheeseburger,
I'm unhappy with my dinner.
Maxine is unhappy with her dinner, capisce?
(sighs) Yeah.
Uh, and take this with you.
I think you need it more than I do.
Thank you.
(clears throat)
- And Jerrod.
- Yeah?
Two short, one deep.
I am not having this talk with you.
Just to be clear, if I turn on the parental control setting,
I can block the lesbians and still stream Ellen?
Well, thank you.
No, you've been incredibly helpful.
(clears throat)
(knocking on door)
Mom, I need to talk to you.
I'm not going to Red Robin.
It's new, but it's a chain, and they're all the same, Bobby.
No, that's not it, even though I will argue that each Red Robin got their own distinct personality.
(sighs) I just think you overreacted how angry you are with us and the reverend.
I don't want you to leave the church; you love that place.
It's been your second home for years.
But I don't think you in a place to be, um, so judgmental.
Well, now, what is that supposed to mean?
(sighs)
I got something to tell you.
Ooh, okay, I hoped this day would never come.
What day?
What are you talking about?
All right, when I was 13, I came up here looking for my VHS of all my favorite Fresh Prince episodes.
Uh-huh.
You know, I wanted to watch the one where Will got shot and-and Carlton got nervous and ended up buying a gun.
Well, what happened?
Well, in a very emotional moment, when they got to the hospital,
Will took the gun from Carlton, right?
And listen, every time I think about this, it makes me cry.
He just, "Give me the gun, Carlton! 
I saved your..."
Bobby, Bobby!
What happened in the story you were telling me about?
(sighs) All right.
Uh, so I put the VHS in, expecting to see a Fresh Prince episode, but it wasn't a Fresh Prince episode.
It was, uh, you and Daddy in a sex tape.
Oh!
What?
!
Oh, I-I... 
I told Joe to get rid of it.
Well, oh, God, I really wish he would have.
Those few seconds really messed me up.
I haven't been able to watch Fresh Prince for 20 years.
Matter of fact, I can't see anything that Will Smith was in.
Do you know how bad I wanted to see Hancock?
Bobby, you shouldn't have seen that.
I'm sorry.
I don't want you to think any less of me.
It was just, your daddy,
- you know, he was trying to...
- Okay, wait. 
Nope, nope, stop.
- He had this thing with his calf muscle...
- Please, don't! 
Stop, stop!
Mama, you don't have to tell me anything, okay?
(sighs) Look, I don't think less of you because of this.
It's your private life.
But you shouldn't think less of us either.
It just feels so good to judge people.
Until you get called on it, you know what I mean?
Look here, Ma, look, you have nothing to worry about, okay?
There's still plenty of people you can judge.
Matter of fact, your friend Denise is back in rehab.
Oh. (chuckles)
Bobby, you always know the right thing to say.
Ah, come on, let's go to Red Robin.
(laughs)
I need some gas money, too, Ma.
Oh...
Maxine, am I bad at sex?
Um, first of all, close the door.
And secondly, why are you asking me that?
Because I want to know.
I mean, you're in the bathroom watching porn.
You're not calling Big J in that moment.
Not gonna lie, Big J's ego is hurt a little bit.
I'm sorry I said anything.
I should have never pushed us into having this conversation.
Yeah, but, like, why are you watching it while I'm sitting there in the next room?
(sighs): 
Okay.
How do I explain this?
Okay, you know how sometimes you go out to brunch and mimosas with friends, and it's great, but then other times you just want to come home and have a glass of Bordeaux alone?
Nah, I grew up poor.
None of that really relates to my life.
Okay, that's a bad example.
Yeah.
Okay, you know how sometimes you need a workout partner, and then sometimes you just get on the treadmill by yourself?
Yeah, I don't really work out like that.
- I, like, tried...
- Do we have anything in common?
Well, apparently just watching porn.
(sighs)
Jerrod, why does it have to signal that something is wrong when I do it, but you list off the name of ten porn stars... and I got to be honest, it seems a little excessive... but it's okay?
August Ames.
I'm sorry, I left her off the list earlier.
Jerrod.
(sighs) Why is it such a big deal to you that I watch porn?
Well, because women watch porn because they're not satisfied.
Men watch it because we're monsters.
But that is just not true.
It is such a fallacy that women's sexual appetites are different than men's.
This is just a classic instance of society creating double standards in order to control women.
Okay, uh, Maxine, please do not make porn sound boring.
I'm not gonna lie.
I think it's a little weird that you watch it.
Well, I think it's weird that you watch it.
I think it's weird that any of us watch it.
We're watching strangers having sex on camera.
It's weird. 
But we do it.
And that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with us.
I mean, what do you want to do?
You want to both agree to not watch it anymore?
No.
Okay. (chuckles)
Uh, well, then how about this?
I... 
I promise that I will not watch it anymore while you are home, if you unfollow Dani Daniels on Instagram.
Deal.
(sighs)
But you're missing out on some really funny posts, Maxine.
Like, she's great...
- Okay.
- Okay, fine, fine, fine.
God, the things I do for love.
(chuckles)
So what time are you getting home tomorrow?
Exactly?
(both laughing)
We were so young.
I know.
- Oh, Joe, there your move!
- Oh!
That's your move, baby!
(laughs)
I'm glad we got that on film, 'cause I damn sure can't do that no more.
(laughs)
WILL SMITH: ♪ Now this is the story all about how... ♪
What happened?
Oh, if Bobby had hung in there, he could have seen the rest of his show.
Mm-hmm.

What's happened?
I know you.
No, you don't.
What's his name?
Uh, it's Jake.
Jake!
Jake!
What's he taken?
Look, you're not gonna get in trouble.
G. I mean... 
GHB and mephedrone.
Do you know how much? 
For how long has he been taking?
Since yesterday. 
But I don't know how much.
Eight breaths a minute.
Let's get him on the truck. 
See if we can get a line.
Get a line?
An IV line.
Are you gonna be 0K?
Yeah. 
We've never tried G before.
Well, don't fuck around with what you don't understand.
Come in.
Thanks. 
Shoes off? 
Where should I dump my stuff?
Through here, spare bedroom.
Ooh, hello!
Yup! 
Things are really starting to turn.
Just the way you like it, babe.
Well, why else invite all these boys?
There's this one guy I am gonna smash the shit out of later.
ls that so? 
Got any shorts?
Do I have any shorts?
Got any Viagra?
Yes! 
Of course, my love.
And I need a fucking bump!
Come on, baby, in the kitchen!
Oi! 
Where's the plate?
(Man) Over here!
You!
Me.
Of course you two know each other.
Yeah, he saved my friend's life the other week.
Yeah? 
She does that.
Look!
Leigh and Jake are here.
It's G o'clock, bitches!
Hey!
Gina colada, babe?
Don't mind if I do.
So you do G?
Yeah, of course.
But unlike you, I'm experienced enough to handle my shit responsibly.
Oh! 
You think so, do you?
I know so.
Prove it.
Look.
Tonight you're gonna stick with me.
We're never gonna do this more than once an hour.
And I'm gonna make sure  you have a good time.
ls that a promise?
Stop!
This party is officially closed. 
No more guys allowed!
Well, what about these guys?
Nine inches?
OK.
Hiya. 
Got any shorts?
Have I got any shorts?
Save me.
It's G o'clock, ladies!
It's OK, I've got it.
I'll check on him every ten minutes. 
He just needs to sleep it off.
Yeah, yeah, don't worry. 
I will too.
Do you want a wee line?
No, thanks, I'm done.
I can't believe he went under.
Well, what did you expect?
Nik?
G o'clock.
What the fuck, Tony?
Alex!
He's not breathing.
(Tony) What do you mean he's not breathing? 
Shall I call an ambulance?
Shut up! 
Don't call an ambulance! 
What d'you think will happen to me?
(Tony) I don't give a fuck! 
I don't care what's gonna happen to you! 
Is he dead?
I can save him...
Edition English subtitle:
BatissForever _ oct 2016

This is the story of a city.
A city with over a million residents - but you won't find it on any map.
A city that few could have even imagined a generation ago.
It's a city...in the sky.
There are a million people airborne somewhere in the world at any one time.
A city's worth of passengers, straddling not just countries...
..but continents.
It's built out of the 100,000 flights that crisscross the globe every day.
'I'm Dallas Campbell, a science broadcaster.
'Aviation's a big part of my family's story.'
I actually think I might be in love.
This is engineering at the limit.
I'm Dr Hannah Fry, a lecturer in the mathematics of cities.
So these are all of the planes across America, right now.
- Right now.
- Wow.
We'll be travelling the world, uncovering the hidden global networks and complex logistics that keep us safely in flight.
- COMPUTER VOICE:
- Pull up. 
Pull up.
'We'll head to the very busiest 'and biggest nerve centres of global aviation...
I absolutely love this place, it's complete mayhem!
'..to discover how flight is connecting the world 'like never before.'
We'll be meeting the people who make it all possible.
From the army of specialists who take care of us in flight...
He is now having trouble breathing, and the repeat pulse is 240, is that correct? 
Over.
..to the experts that keep aircraft safe.
This city in the sky is predicted to double in size in the next two decades, and keeping it airborne is testing our ingenuity to its absolute limits.
Whenever we're in flight, most of us take it for granted that we'll stay airborne.
But that depends on a handful of fundamental laws of physics, and it's these laws that keep all aircraft in the sky - from the largest jets to the smallest.
These two men had to register as aircraft in the United States... even though their wingspan is only two metres across.
Their bodies act like an aircraft's fuselage.
And just like a large passenger plane, they're powered by four jet engines.
Although they had to apply for a special exemption for flying without a seatbelt.
The jet men are former fighter pilot Yves Rossy and three-times world champion skydiver Vince Reffet.
I mean, this is the closest thing to a human being flying, solo.
I think, yeah. 
Really it is just beautiful, you can play with clouds.
We are getting closer to this dream, to one of the oldest dream of human, you know, like the flying, you know - flying like a bird, you know, when you see a bird flying around.
And it's really powerful - we can go up to about 160 miles per hour. 
It's fast.
Every kid in the world wants to be you two.
- And actually most adults, I think!
- I wish them, they will take something like that in 20 years
- to go to the office.
- Yeah.
So you have to shake...
Flying like a bird may SOUND appealing... ..but the thought of hurtling through the sky at 160 miles an hour strapped to this thing is frankly terrifying.
Erm... 
I mean, this is... 
I could pretend that this was easy, but actually that is... 
I don't even think I can take a single step.
Oh, my God. 
How do you DO this?
!
It takes years of training to fly like Yves and Vince.
But fortunately, there's a much easier way of getting up alongside them to see just how they control their flight.
In order to fly, they have to completely master those fundamental principles of aviation.
Though their launch is unlike any normal takeoff.
To begin with, these guys are plummeting towards the ground with their jet packs on, propelling them at hundreds of kilometres per hour.
Even the tiniest mistake could cause them to lose control.
They're diving towards the ground to pick up speed, and it's only when they reach around 100 miles per hour that they can level out.
The wing shape creates lower pressure above it than below it, and that causes lift.
But the key to controlling the flight of any jet craft is the angle of the wing.
When Vince arches his back, his wing tilts upwards - just enough that the lift counteracts the pull of gravity.
This is what makes controlled, level flight possible.
The shape of the wing is the same as you get in an aeroplane.
The shape creates a pressure difference above and below the wing which literally sucks it up into the air.
Where airliners use a rudder and ailerons to steer, the jet men use their hands and bodies.
If they want to pitch upwards, they arch their backs - if they want to roll from side to side they do it all with their shoulders.
Oh, my God...
Oh, wow.
That's ridiculous!
The forces keeping the jet men in flight are the very same that allow every passenger plane to stay airborne.
But for most of us mere mortals, the in-flight experience is rather less extreme.
We've become so used to jetting around the globe, we just take it for granted.
Flying seems so ordinary these days, with every flight more or less the same.
You know the drill...
Welcome on board.
You board the plane... ..find your seat.
make yourself comfy... and prepare for takeoff.
Then, you're in the air.
The hours roll on by, punctuated by welcome distractions.
Try to get some sleep, and hope that when you wake up, you'll be there.
But while you're enjoying your nap, there's a whole host of hidden processes at work, making sure you get to your destination.
Not least, navigation.
Somehow, in the vast open spaces of the sky, the pilot has to figure out how to get from A to B.
Tonight, Lufthansa senior pilot Captain Jo Schwarzenberg is flying the biggest passenger jet in the world, an A380 with 480 passengers on board, from Frankfurt to Delhi.
The problem is, for most of the 4,000 mile journey he can't see a thing out the window.
It's the middle of the night, and Jo's invited me to join him up in the cockpit.
We're somewhere over Afghanistan now, we're about an hour and a half until landing.
It's absolutely pitch-black outside, we can't see any city lights, anything like that, which begs the question of course - how do pilots navigate, how do they know where to point the plane, how do they know where other planes are?
The answer lies with one of the city in the sky's most important hidden global networks - a web of markers dotted across the planet, known as waypoints.
To fly from A to B, we have to have an idea how we would like to fly so we file a flight plan, which goes from landmark to landmark in earlier times - nowadays we are flying from waypoint to waypoint.
So most of these waypoints aren't physical beacons, they are virtual points?
They used to be physical objects in earlier days, but nowadays with the use of GPS it's all coordinates.
We define points in the air somewhere over the Earth, give them a name - that's a five-letter name - and then we fly from waypoint to waypoint.
Waypoints are virtual landmarks.
They allow the plane's navigation system to know exactly where it is and which way it's heading.
To a pilot, they're almost like imaginary signposts, reaching up into the sky, giving them a trail to follow through the night.
And on a familiar route, their strange names get burnt into a pilot's memory.
Our next waypoint is NEVIV, and we are flying further on to PATAX, MESRA and PAVLO.
PAVLO is the entry point to India, and is also the exit point of Afghanistan.
It's like a trail of breadcrumbs.
- More or less, yes, like Hansel and Gretel.
- DALLAS LAUGHS
How many waypoints from Frankfurt to Delhi?
How many breadcrumbs?
Er... 
I think it's a big loaf of bread, actually...!
We have about 5,000, 6,000 miles, and sometimes the spacing of these waypoints is just 20, 40 miles so it's quite a lot.
Erm, that is a call from behind. ..
Yeah, hello?
Erm... 
We have to interrupt for a short while because our coffee's arrived.
- Oh, that's very kind.
- Yeah...
Well, hang on, there's only two cups...
Robin...?
Each one of these lines represents the path of a real plane based on radar and transponder data.
Over 24 hours, air traffic reaches into every corner of the globe...
..adding up to over 100,000 flights crisscrossing our planet every day.
And with the population of the city in the sky set to double in the next 20 years, it's not enough for every pilot to know just where their OWN plane's going - they also need to avoid all the others.
By 2034, it's predicted there will be over 44,000 passenger jets crowding out our skies.
And the more planes, the more opportunities for near misses or collisions.
Bringing order to the potential chaos of the skies is down to a secret global army of air traffic controllers.
One of their most crucial nerve centres is just outside Atlanta, Georgia.
And today, they are busier than normal, because it's the build-up to Thanksgiving,
America's biggest holiday.
Now, you might not think it to look at it, but this is an incredibly important room - probably the most important in North American aviation.
Just beyond me, the air traffic controllers are managing the busiest airspace in the world.
80% of the American population lives within three hours' flying time of Atlanta, and transatlantic flights continually cross the area.
So it's critical that these 130,000 square miles of airspace run smoothly.
It's the job of the controllers here to keep track of the vast number of planes and make sure they never collide, by fine-tuning their routes.
Shaun Sanders has ultimate responsibility for making sure this vital system works without a hitch.
So Shaun, tell me what we're looking at here.
So what you're looking at right now is every single aircraft that we're tracking via radar over the United States, and up here is Canada.
So these are all of the planes across America, right now.
Right now. 
As we speak.
What you're looking at is over 5,500 planes right now.
Wow. 
This looks like a swarm of bees - how do you even go about organising this chaos?
Looking at it like this, it looks like a lot and it IS a lot, but it's extremely organised.
We have invisible highways in the skies, and these planes fly those highways to get from point A to point B.
And each segment along the way, they make a left turn or right turn or go straight until they get to their destination.
But is it almost as though you're looking at all of the cars in a city moving around, but you just can't see the roads?
Correct.
Ordinarily it's busy enough, but over Thanksgiving the controllers handle up to 9,000 flights in a day.
That's on average one every ten seconds.
Preventing aviation gridlock takes total focus and concentration.
Next Wednesday is the busiest travel day of the year, the day before Thanksgiving here in the United States.
Are you really on edge on that day?
- No...(!
) 
- SHE LAUGHS
Do you have anxiety dreams about this map?
Never. 
This is just what we do.
We don't think about the number of people on the planes or how many planes - we know we have hundreds of thousands of people's lives in our hand, but that's not what's running through your mind
when you're controlling these planes.
Air traffic controllers across the world share a system designed to stop planes colliding.
It's called "standard separation".
Aircraft are first herded into predetermined nine-mile-wide highways.
Within these slices of the Earth's atmosphere, controllers then regulate the speed and spacing of the planes to prevent them ever getting closer than five miles horizontally.
But they also have a THIRD dimension to work with - so they can stack the planes one on top of the other, never closer than 1,000 vertical feet apart.
The safety of a million airborne passengers depends on the precision of this system.
These highways in the sky are what make the sheer scale of international air travel possible.
But flying so many people around the world comes at a price.
The largest passenger jets can burn their way through over 50 million litres of fuel every year.
That fuel is the single biggest cost to getting planes in the air - and in the face of climate change, the city in the sky's thirst for the stuff can't be sustained indefinitely.
But a new generation of aircraft is now promising to reduce aviation's impact on the environment.
This is Boeing's aircraft assembly plant in Everett, Seattle.
It's the largest indoor space in the world, with a floor area so vast, you could fit the Houses of Parliament in it 12 times over.
And the most cutting-edge plane they build here is the Boeing 787.
The Dreamliner.
This is a cross-section of the Dreamliner - you get a fantastic sense of scale.
But this particular aircraft it's not about the size, it's all about the weight.
The Dreamliner's built out of a revolutionary material - one that's transforming the way all new planes are being made.
'It's the biggest change in aviation design 'since aluminium replaced wooden planes back in the 1920s.'
- It looks beautiful.
- It does, it does looks sensational.
The material is a composite of carbon fibre and plastic.
- Cos everything's been made of aluminium up to this point...
- Right.
- ..and suddenly you're moving into a new material.
- Right.
I mean, why do that, what's the point?
- I mean, aluminium, we know it works.
- Right, right.
Well, one of the easiest things, if you just compare the materials, aluminium versus composite, you can feel the weight difference between the materials...
Oh. 
Considerably lighter.
We can design a airplane out of composites, and have the structure be lighter than it would if it was made out of aluminium.
So this composite material, this is a real game changer.
It is, absolutely. 
The airplane fundamentally will use 20% less fuel than an existing airplane of the previous generation of the similar size.
It's estimated that if the entire aviation industry shifts to using composites, it could save over 6,000 million tonnes in CO2 emissions over the next 30 years.
But this wonder material isn't just light.
By weaving carbon fibres together and embedding them in plastic, engineers have created a material that doesn't stretch, even under enormous pressures.
And that in turn has a direct impact on the flying experience for us passengers.
And this is what the interior of a finished plane looks like.
Soon as you step on board, you notice the difference.
It does feel very, very spacious, very, very light.
You've got this lovely curved high ceiling.
Design's one thing, but there's something else that has a bigger impact on us.
The unpleasant feeling we loosely refer to as "jet lag".
Some of the sensations we associate with it could be due to not having quite enough oxygen when we're in flight.
On the other side of that window, at 35,000 feet, the air is so thin, if you were exposed to it, you would be unconscious in seconds.
So to stop us dying from a lack of oxygen, cabins are pumped full of air.
It's considerably less air than at ground level.
But there's a very good reason why more air can't just be pumped in.
It is a little bit like blowing air into a balloon.
I put air into that and the balloon is under pressure and the skin, stretches as a result, and as soon as I... let the air out and it's deflated the skin snaps back.
And although it's not as dramatic as that, in a metal aircraft, exactly the same thing is happening.
You are going to get a tiny fraction of movement, from the increase in pressure to the decrease in pressure, and that in turn will have an effect on the structural integrity of the fuselage.
So on every single flight, the aluminium hull of a traditional plane stretches a tiny bit, pulling against rivets and joints.
Those constant changes in pressure over an aircraft's lifetime need to be continuously checked, and made sure they're OK because what you don't want to happen, obviously, is this.
To reduce strain on the fuselage, most planes are pumped up with the minimum amount of air needed to keep us comfortable.
But aircraft made with the new composite materials don't stretch, so you can pump in more air without damaging them.
Higher air pressure means more oxygen for us to breathe and Boeing's own studies suggest this helps reduce the side effects of long-haul flights, including some of the symptoms we associate with jet lag.
So all that means when you arrive at your destination, you feel a little bit more yourself.
More and more of us now fly routinely.
Since 1991, the volume of passengers at British airports has more than doubled.
But there are still a huge number of potential passengers, who have never flown, for one very good reason...
..fear.
Around 15% of the UK population is afraid of flying, many of them so anxious that it stops them from ever boarding a plane.
Humans are only really built to be a land-based animal, and so a fear of flying is just a natural reaction to being at such extreme heights, and in some ways the more extraordinary thing is that any of us have managed
to train our minds to be comfortable up there at 35,000 feet, but as we become much more of an airborne species, not getting over it really is no longer an option.
Globally, fear of flying, or aviophobia, deprives the airlines of millions of potential passengers.
So no surprise they're interested in helping us get over it.
'I've come to the two-day Fearless Flyer course which, 'if all goes to plan, will culminate with these phobics taking a flight.
'And to help me understand aviophobia a little better,
'I'll be following one of them,
'Gordon Smith, over the next two days.'
When was the last time you got on a plane?
Probably about ten years ago.
So what is it in particular that worries you when you're in the air?
I think it's the lack of control.
You know, if something happens, there's nothing I can do about that.
Just a feeling of impending doom. 
You know, just absolute trepidation.
All my family went on holiday together last year.
I had to miss out on that, so I thought I'd better do something about it. 
I haven't even told my wife that I'm here.
- Oh, really, she doesn't know?
- Not a clue that I'm here, so that if I don't go through with it, you know, she won't be booking a holiday tomorrow night or anything.
So for the session this afternoon, and for the flight tomorrow, both Gordon and I, we're going to be wearing these heart-rate monitors.
Now how quickly your heart beats can be used as a measure of your anxiety levels.
And the idea is that we're going to try to get to the bottom of what is causing Gordon's fear of flying.
Please welcome to the stage, Captain Pete West!
If you're a bit anxious, even the sound of a soft chime... 
SINGLE CHIME
..may be alarming, or even several... 
ANOTHER CHIME
..in rapid succession.
To help the phobics overcome their fear, a pilot first explains those mysterious in-flight noises.
I think this next sound sounds rather like a dog barking underneath the floor. 
ROUGH SCRAPING
Has anybody heard that and thought,
"Carrying a dog in the cargo hold?"
or even, "A man with a saw?"
Who wants to ask their first question?
Who's got the first question here?
What safety do you have in place if the wheels fail to drop?
What other bad weather can affect flying like wind and rain?
What if anything happened to the pilots?
In my mind, a Canada goose has just flown into the left engine, it's all burst into flames...
HEARTBEATS PULSE
Just hearing people talk about flying has almost doubled Gordon's normal heart rate.
Next the phobics are taught psychological coping techniques to try to control their fight or flight response...
Breathe in... and push out.
..which should help them handle tomorrow's exposure therapy - the flight itself.
The next tapping point, and from here we work down the body, it's the top of the head...
..underneath the eyes, wrist on wrist.
OK, we've got to be tapping whilst tuned into the fear.
But for coach Lawrence Leyton, addressing the cause of each individual's aviophobia is far from straightforward.
Well, fear of flying is not just a fear of crashing.
It's actually made up of multiple different aspects so, for some, the fear of flying is actually the fear of heights.
For some people, it's the fear of enclosed spaces or claustrophobia.
And for some, and a lot of them, it's a fear of being out of control.
The triggers, and there are multiple triggers, could be different in every single person.
Tomorrow morning they'll be flying for real, and Gordon will find out whether he's learned to control his fear.
10.30am.
45 minutes until departure and Gordon still hasn't told his wife he's here.
How are you feeling this morning?
I'm pretty scared. 
I'm not looking forward to it.
Just want to get it over and done with.
Yesterday I felt great afterwards, right up to about ten o'clock last night and then, you know, the apprehension kicked back in again.
For one phobic in the group, it's all proving too much.
You imagine those feelings, cos you've got the fear of having the panic attack, it's the fear of the fear.
Right now, Daniel, what you're doing is you're trying to suppress that panic attack. 
You're trying to push it down.
So we're just about to board the flight.
We checked in a few moments ago.
The tension here among these people is really...
Well, it's quite intense, to be honest, I think, looking round their faces, it's very obvious just how much these people have had to make themselves come here.
Just hope it goes well on the flight.
It's their last chance to back out.
Good morning. 
How are you?
Er, very nervous.
That's fine. 
Well, you can sit anywhere after row five, all right?
This will be the first time Gordon has flown in ten years and his heart rate monitor will be running throughout.
At the moment he's too stressed to even talk to me.
Captain West explains what the plane is doing at every stage of the flight.
CLICK
That click is the change over from the ground power unit to the APU, the auxiliary power unit - remember the little jet engine in the tail?
- RECORDED MESSAGE:
- 'Please be aware that your nearest exit 'may be behind you.
'If we land on water, take the life jacket from under your seat.
'Put it over your head.'
So here comes the power coming on now. 
Speed increasing now.
It's the moment of truth. 
Takeoff.
Wings effortlessly lifting us into the air.
Give yourselves all a massive great cheer.
Here we are. 
We're flying. 
Very well done, everybody. 
Fantastic!
'We're up. 
But, for Gordon, it's not over yet.
'His heart rate is already higher than normal...
'..but it's when the plane levels out, 'that it seems to suddenly spike.
'This moment appears to be the specific trigger point 'for Gordon's fear.
'But, using the relaxation techniques 'he was taught yesterday, 'he gets over it in moments.'
Remember to breathe.
It looked like you completely stopped breathing there!
'Gordon then does something he never thought possible.
'10,000 feet above the ground, he stands up.'
Ah, dude, I'm so pleased for you.
'For Gordon, it's as effective a cure 'as he could ever have hoped for.'
Now I'm feeling fantastic. 
I feel absolutely fine.
Already I've stood up and haven't walked far, but I've been up, seatbelt's off and more relaxed.
When was the last time that you stood up on a plane?
25 years ago.
It's just... 
It is really extraordinary.
It's really extraordinary and I'm so, so pleased for you.
- CAPTAIN:
- 'Give yourselves one massive round of applause, 'for becoming fearless flyers.
'Well done to everybody.'
- That's us down.
- You've literally just done a flight.
You've literally just done a flight.
'Give yourselves another round of applause.
'You've done it. 
Well done.'
- Well done. 
Congratulations!
- Thank you very much.
- Brilliant. 
Well done.
- Thank you very much. 
I really appreciate it.
Thank you. 
Bye.
This is genuinely a life-changing thing for you.
Absolutely. 
Absolutely.
And I'm 48 years old this year, you know,
I've been terrified of flying for the past 20, 25, haven't flown for ten and just... 
I'm missing out, so I need to stop missing out and get back out there.
PHONE DIALS
'Gordon can't wait to give his wife the news.'
Connecting. 
Hi there.
'Hi. 
What are you doing?
'
With my camera crew up in Glasgow Airport.
'Gordon.'
- Say hi.
- 'I don't want to say hi.' 
- I've just been in an aeroplane.
You get to go on holiday now.
'I don't know what to say.'
Now Gordon can join the other million citizens of the sky whenever he wants.
It is perhaps surprising that so many of us are still afraid of flying, at a time when international air travel has become safer than ever before.
In fact, only one in every five million flights involves a fatal accident.
But what happens if a passenger, rather than the plane, has an emergency at 35,000 feet?
SIREN WAILS
Banner University Medical Centre deals with a steady stream of emergency patients from the city of Phoenix.
But many of the medical dramas they deal with here actually take place thousands of miles away.
If you're flying on a major airline and you do get sick, the chances are the cabin crew will talk to the medics in this very room to find out what to do wherever you are in the world.
Thank you for calling Medlink.
Please go ahead with the passenger age, gender...
OK, so you'll go ahead and make the medical arrangements for the child?
And how much longer do you have remaining in flight? 
Over.
Dr Bhow at Medlink - how do you copy? 
Over.
ER doctor Moneesh Bhow has been on duty since 7am and he's just responding to his first in-flight emergency...
..a call from an aircraft travelling from the Middle East to Bangkok, it's 8,000 miles away, somewhere over the Indian ocean.
I understand an 82-year-old male with a possible stroke.
What was the condition that brought him to your attention? 
Over.
For Dr Bhow, the pressure's now on to make a quick diagnosis.
OK, copy that, so the passenger was standing, he passed out, is currently on the floor. 
Is he able to answer any questions? 
Over.
OK, is he... is he breathing on his own?
Dr Bhow's depending on the captain and cabin crew to accurately relay the patient's symptoms.
OK, copy that, so what we need to find out if he's still not responding, but he is breathing, I need to know what his vital signs are and is there any spontaneous movement to his arms
or legs or is there a part of his body that he's not moving? 
Over.
I'm sorry, that last transmission cut out.
Could you please repeat? 
Over.
Captain, are you still on the line? 
Over.
They've lost communication.
Do we know where this flight is right now?
Yeah, they're just coming up on the coast of western India.
Western India. 
They're coming up on the coast, OK.
The situation is not looking good.
- What is it, stroke?
- Stroke.
From Dubai to Lagos.
I'll check Karachi to see if they have a neuro...
- Yeah, neuro and a CAT scanner.
- OK. 
I'll see.
If it does turn out to be a stroke, they'll need to get the patient on the ground as soon as possible.
So we've got options, our probably last good option is Calcutta.
- After that...
- If we're going to go down, we're going to land...
We're going to say over here, yes.
First, the team needs to quickly work out from their database which airports have the right medical facilities close by.
How long is this flight?
They identify several airports within range, but only two have the necessary medical facilities to treat a stroke.
Neither are en route.
Option one is Delhi, 600 miles out of their way.
Option two is behind them, but closer 
- Muscat.
And they're 400 miles away from there.
400 miles, we're looking at an hour.
They just check to make sure they have things like imaging, so something like a CAT scan, and they're just trying to make that decision now, so it's quite a fine balance between the needs,
the medical needs, and also the captain needs to make sure...
We're just getting them back now.
Is the passenger awake now?
Can he speak at all? 
Is he able to speak normally to his son? 
Over.
OK, so he started choking and that's what caused him to faint, is that what I'm understanding?
It seems the passenger collapsed not because of a stroke, but because he'd choked on food, unnoticed by the cabin crew.
OK, but we would still like an update in 30 minutes as to his condition. 
Over.
MedAire handles 38,000 emergency calls a year, and because they deal with flights across the globe, those calls can come in at any time of day or night.
An hour later, Dr Bhow checks in with his patient, and there's been an unexpected development.
He is now having trouble breathing and the repeat pulse is 240, is that correct? 
Over.
The passenger had seemed to be recovering.
Let's continue the oxygen, and let's plan to land at the closest possible option.
Let's plan to divert into Mumbai.
We will have medical personnel meet you on arrival.
They are turning already, yeah.
Dr Bhow suspects these symptoms may be due to an underlying heart condition, so he's advising the captain to divert to Mumbai.
A diversion like this can cost an airline hundreds of thousands of dollars.
It's a huge decision.
How common is having to make that call to divert an aircraft?
I would say probably in a 24-hour period, we're probably diverting once or twice.
Our ultimate priority is to take care of the passenger, so if we feel that the passenger is in critical need of getting on the ground, then, you know, cost is a secondary consideration.
But it is probably the most stressful call that we take when we make a decision for a diversion.
As soon as the flight lands, the patient will be rushed to hospital where local doctors will take over.
As with most of MedAire's cases, Dr Bhow may never find out whether his patient lives or dies.
It may be possible to look after sick passengers in the air, but with 100,000 flights crossing our skies every day, ensuring the physical wellbeing of the aircraft themselves is a huge challenge as well...
..especially when flying takes us into some of the most extreme conditions on the planet.
Right now, it's about minus 40 degrees and it's staggeringly cold.
It's actually really difficult to breathe because the bits of moisture freeze inside your nose and it feels like you're inhaling dust almost.
Any exposed skin too is really prone to frostbite within a few minutes and if I didn't have my jacket on, I'd get hypothermia pretty quickly.
But the extraordinary thing is that these conditions are what the average plane is flying through once it gets to cruising altitude.
So, when you're sitting there with your GT and you're watching your in-flight movie just a few centimetres from the outside, remember that the plane and all of its equipment has to function perfectly at these temperatures
for hours and hours on end.
Every day planes enter the most hostile environment imaginable.
Flying higher than Mount Everest, battered by winds of hundreds of miles an hour, we just expect them to function perfectly, flight after flight.
But as planes clock up the air miles, there's an extreme hazard they'll eventually run into...
..lightning... ..by far the most dangerous powerful force of nature your plane is ever likely to encounter.
Down on the ground, getting struck by lightning is a rare event - not so up in the air.
Every plane gets struck by lightning on average once a year.
That means across a typical jet's lifetime, it will get zapped an astonishing 25 times.
So why aren't passengers regularly electrocuted in flight?
To find out, I've come to Germany.
Lightning is dramatic, it's unpredictable, it's extremely dangerous, a bolt of lightning is hotter than the surface of the sun. 
You really, really don't want to get hit by it.
Kann losgehen?
OK.
Here at Darmstadt University's high voltage lab, they study lightning protection.
A car gives you much the same protection as a plane.
They're both metal boxes with people inside.
So what happens if whichever metal box you're in is struck by lightning?
I'm about to find out.
I can feel something. 
Can I feel static?
Oh, God, I can feel something in the air.
No, it's just fear, I think.
CLICK
I heard something go click and suddenly I feel really nervous.
Oh, God, I feel... 
OK.
Funf, vier, drei, zwei, eins...
I know it's safe, it's safe. 
It's safe.
As long as I don't open the door, cos he told me not to open the door or touch anything.
HUGE BANG!
BLEEP! 
BLEEP!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Schuss.
Oh, my God. 
Oh, my God.
- Schuss.
- BANG
He is still alive.
A single bolt is too quick to see in detail, but the lab can generate a slower electrical pulse to help show what happens when lightning hits a metal box.
And what is happening to this car on the ground is exactly the same as what happens to aircraft in the sky.
The car is acting as what's known as a Faraday cage, named after the scientist Michael Faraday.
That huge charge hitting the car flows around the outside of the metal skin of the vehicle to the ground, rather than coming straight through it, keeping me completely safe.
It's thanks to the Faraday effect that we're safe when a metal plane gets struck by lightning.
That's all very well for the passenger planes still made of metal, but it poses a problem for the new breed of composite aircraft.
Composite doesn't disperse electricity in the same way that metal does and so without protection, these planes and their passengers would be in real danger.
I've come to Cardiff to find out how engineers protect composite aircraft.
'Professor Manu Haddad's job is to make them lightning-proof.'
Well, obviously, if there was no lightning-protection design, you would have a very disastrous effect due to a lightning strike.
Manu's going to show me what happens to unprotected composite when it's zapped by an artificial lightning bolt.
OK, ear defenders on, please.
So when you're ready, press the green button. 
You want a countdown?
- Yeah.
- Three, two, one.
BANG!
Oh, can even hear it through the ear defenders. 
Quite loud.
With the ultra high-speed camera, strips of carbon fibre can be seen being blasted off the surface.
Manu, it smells... it almost smells like burnt hair.
Oh, gosh, look at that, that's incredible.
The fibres are sticking up out of the surface.
Yes, because, in aluminium, the current is able to spread itself in all directions.
Here the current is only flowing along the direction of the fibre.
It has generated a lot of heat and big forces.
This is really quite damaged... the structural integrity of this board, though.
You definitely would not want this to happen to your aircraft.
Avoiding this kind of damage was a real challenge for the new generation of composite planes.
After decades with no large jets lost to lightning strikes, nobody wanted to see this threat re-emerge.
Fortunately, we have a very good solution and this is using a copper mesh, a very thin copper mesh, which will allow us to distribute the lightning current uniformly on the surface and avoid the damage that you see here.
'That delicate layer of copper webbing should be enough 'to protect a composite plane.'
And this is the protected side, which has the mesh.
BANG!
Well, there's definitely a lot less of a smell this time, Manu.
- Oh, wow!
- Yes, because, er, you can see the result there.
You see how the protection works.
It actually conducted all the current safely away.
That is very impressive, though.
I mean, there's almost no significant damage whatsoever.
It's a very clear demonstration that the lightning protection works very effectively.
BANG!
Despite everything the skies throw at us, flying in complete safety has become the norm...
..and that reliability has allowed aviation to transform another aspect of our lives.
As well as moving three billion passengers, over six trillion dollars' worth of cargo jets its way around the globe every year.
Just about anything that can fit on a plane is today sent as air freight.
We send a bewildering array of stuff all around the world by air these days and obviously the bigger the thing that you want to send, the more expensive it becomes, the more problematic it becomes, especially if that thing is fragile and an awkward shape, I don't know,
something like a horse, for example.
Now this is my new friend Chardonnay, who is off for an event.
Now, that event just happens to be 6,000 miles away in Hong Kong on the other side of the world.
Chardonnay and the team are destined for the prestigious Longines Masters show-jumping event.
And they're due in Hong Kong by 5pm tomorrow.
First job for equine vet Gordon Sidlow is to make sure all the horses are disease-free before they board their flight.
Who's next, Dave?
'And the temperature check is particularly invasive.'
- Are we dealing with the rear end here?
- Yeah.
- The back end?
- We are.
- OK.
- Bring his tail up like that...
- Yeah.
- ..pop it in...
- Yeah.
- ..and press the button.
- OK.
- OK?
He seems pretty relaxed about the whole procedure.
There you go.
'Thankfully we don't have that at check-in yet.'
The loading team have just seven hours to get all 64 horses health checked and boarded onto their own specially chartered plane.
'Easier said than done.'
- HORSE WHINNIES 
- Come here!
In twos and threes, they're loaded into specially-designed aviation horseboxes, the same size as a standard cargo container.
But the seating plan needs special attention.
There are a few rules.
- All the horses have to travel facing forwards.
- Right.
We generally try...or they generally try and put the stallions at the front because you don't want stallions behind mares.
Is that actually a problem with horses getting a little bit frisky on board?
They can be, certainly if the mare is thinking about coming in season.
Stallions are designed to react to that and they will react to that and there's a few tricks for... little bit of grease up the nose and what have you to make the stallions less likely to sniff the mares.
- No in-flight movie?
- Absolutely not.
I've just got visions of them watching Black Beauty for nine hours
- on a loop.
- On a loop, yes.
In total, they'll have around 32 tonnes' worth of horses on the flight.
So it's vital the cargo handlers load up the boxes evenly throughout the plane to make sure it isn't unbalanced.
There you go, here's a little pre-flight snack.
If they upgrade you, they might give you a carrot or an apple or something.
So I'm actually going to have to say cheerio to Chardonnay for now because to make their flight as stress-free as possible, only the grooms and the vets and the owners are actually allowed on the flight, so I'm going to take a different flight
and I'm going to meet them on the other side of the world in Hong Kong tomorrow.
By the time they've finished loading,
I'm already well on my way to Hong Kong.
Five hours after mine, their flight leaves Liege, setting off on its 6,000-mile journey through the night.
Its destination?
The city known as the gateway to China and its 1.4 billion citizens.
Hong Kong imports and exports more cargo than any other airport in the world.
To keep this vast flow of goods moving through the skies,
Hong Kong's built the biggest cargo hub on the planet.
It's here that the horses will be arriving from Belgium in just a few hours' time.
Cargo super terminal one is at the epicentre.
It's a hangar the size of Wembley Stadium... ..handling up to three and a half million tonnes of cargo a year from every corner of the world.
Most air freight that arrives here is sorted and stored in a vast automated filing system until it's ready to be spat out again and sent on its way.
If you just think about that tiny little movement that you make with your index finger when you click on the buy button on your phone or your computer, whatever it is, far from it just having ramifications in a virtual world,
it actually sets in motion huge cargo centres just like this.
'But not all cargo goes into storage.'
- 25.
- 25, OK, got it.
'Some goods have to reach their destination without delay.
'Everything arriving in the perishables area must get 'to the clients within an hour and a half of landing.'
- Can we open and have a look and see what we've got here?
- Yes.
Right, what do we have in here?
Oh, my God, look at these beautiful crab.
Wow, look at that. 
Whereabouts have these come from?
Korea.
OK, one, two, three.
Snails from Taipei.
Taipei.
I absolutely love this place.
It's complete mayhem cos the whole thing about it is about speed so there's no waiting about - things just come in and they go out straightaway again.
It's all about getting these expensive delicacies from here to the restaurants in double quick time.
- These have come all the way from Colombia.
- Colombia.
I'm just trying to work out what they are, actually.
I can tell you that they are exotic, and that they come from Colombia.
- I like it.
- You like to eat it? 
Nice. 
What does it taste like?
- Sweet.
- Very sweet.
- Very sweet. 
Very sweet.
Air cargo has completely transformed our lives in the most extraordinarily short amount of time.
We just expect exotic fruit like this to be on our supermarket shelves, irrespective of the season, irrespective of where we live.
And it's because of aircraft, the fact that this can travel all the way round the world and get to you fresh before it rots.
But there's another category of cargo they deal with here.
Just landed right on schedule, the 64 show-jumping horses from Belgium.
They've been in the air for 16 hours, and travelled 6,000 miles.
And with only two days to go before the event, it's crucial the horses now reach their stables as quickly as possible for some much needed rest.
'Vet Gordon Sidlow made the journey along with them 'and has to make sure they're match fit.'
Horses do get jet-lagged, some more so than others, but it's relatively poorly understood because it's more difficult to tell if a horse is jet-lagged or just simply tired.
Within two hours flat, every horse has been whisked away.
'The next morning and 6,000 miles since we last met,
'I've come to see how Chardonnay's flight went.'
Oh, hi.
Hi.
Look at you. 
Look at you, hey.
The annoying thing is Chardonnay looks a lot fresher and in a lot better shape after his long-haul flight than I do.
There we go, look. 
Look at that.
Keeping a million passengers constantly in the air alongside a parallel world of flying cargo is an astonishing feat which the vast majority of us take completely for granted.
And it's only possible because modern aviation is a truly global system, linking the world as never before.
But what goes up must eventually come down.
Next time, we prepare for the final and most challenging part of any flight...
..touchdown.
From landing at one of the most dangerous airports in the world...
That is crazy.
- ELECTRONIC VOICE:
- 'Pull up. 
Avoid terrain.
..to keeping the busiest runways open...
It could have a catastrophic effect.
It's hundreds of lives that are at stake.
..to witnessing a plane's final moments.
Oh! 
It's like watching an animal being torn apart by another animal.
If you'd like to find out more about the design and engineering of this most incredible City In The Sky, then go to the website below and follow the links to the Open University.

NARRATOR: 
YOU'VE JUST TAKEN OFF.
MAYBE YOU'RE GOING TO SEE FAMILY
OR HEADING OFF ON A BUSINESS TRIP.
BUT THE GROUND'S NOW FAR BENEATH YOU,
AND YOU'VE GOT THOUSANDS OF MILES AHEAD.
YOU'RE AIRBORNE.
TO US PASSENGERS, THIS IS
THE MOST UNEVENTFUL PART OF ANY FLIGHT.
BUT BEHIND THE SCENES, THERE'S A HIDDEN ARMY
KEEPING YOU UP IN THE AIR...
BECAUSE TO GET YOU SAFELY TO YOUR DESTINATION,
YOU NEED FAR MORE THAN JUST A BOARDING PASS.
IT TAKES AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS TO CLEAR YOUR ROUTE
THROUGH THE SKY,
DOCTORS TO KEEP YOU SAFE IN FLIGHT...
SO HE IS HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING,
AND THE REPEAT PULSE IS 240.
IS THAT CORRECT? 
OVER.
NARRATOR: 
CARGO HANDLERS
TO COPE WITH EVERY IMAGINABLE TYPE OF AIR FREIGHT...
[NEIGH]
[THUNDER]
NARRATOR: 
EXPERTS TO PROTECT YOUR PLANE.
SCHUSS.
[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]
AND ALL THIS IS HAPPENING WHILE YOU'RE AT 30,000 FEET.
THIS IS THE CITY IN THE SKY,
A CITY WHOSE POPULATION CONSISTS OF THE ONE MILLION PEOPLE
AIRBORNE AT ANY TIME AND WHO ARE UP THERE RIGHT NOW,
A FLYING CITY THAT STRADDLES
NOT JUST COUNTRIES, BUT CONTINENTS.
IT'S BUILT OUT OF THE 100,000 FLIGHTS
THAT CRISS-CROSS THE PLANET EVERY SINGLE DAY.
THIS CITY IS AN INCREDIBLE FEAT OF ENGINEERING,
DEPENDENT UPON ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY AND GLOBAL NETWORKS,
A HIDDEN WORLD RARELY GLIMPSED BY OUTSIDERS...
UNTIL NOW.
WELCOME ABOARD.
NARRATOR: 
WE'VE BECOME SO USED TO JETTING AROUND THE GLOBE,
WE TAKE FLIGHT COMPLETELY FOR GRANTED.
WITHOUT THE SLIGHTEST THOUGHT, YOU FIND YOURSELF IN THE SKY.
YOU GET SETTLED FOR THE LONG FLIGHT AHEAD.
THE HOURS ROLL ON BY,
PUNCTUATED BY WELCOME DISTRACTIONS.
YOU MIGHT WATCH AN IN-FLIGHT MOVIE
OR TRY TO GET SOME SLEEP
AND HOPE THAT WHEN YOU WAKE UP, YOU'LL BE AT YOUR DESTINATION.
BUT HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED WHAT A MIRACLE IT IS
THAT WHILE YOU'RE ENJOYING THAT NAP,
YOU'RE CRUISING ALONG AT 30,000 FEET?
STAYING AIRBORNE IS ONE OF THE GREAT ACHIEVEMENTS
OF MODERN ENGINEERING,
AND IT ALL RELIES UPON A HANDFUL
OF FUNDAMENTAL LAWS OF PHYSICS...
WHETHER YOU'RE A PASSENGER JET
OR SOMETHING MUCH SMALLER.
THESE MAY LOOK LIKE ORDINARY MEN,
BUT THEY'RE MORE THAN JUST THAT.
THEY'RE AIRCRAFT WITH WINGS LESS THAN 7 FEET ACROSS.
THEIR BODIES ACT LIKE AN AIRCRAFT'S FUSELAGE,
AND JUST LIKE A LARGE PASSENGER PLANE,
THEY'RE POWERED BY 4 JET ENGINES.
THEY CALL THEMSELVES THE JET-MEN,
AND THE PRINCIPLES THEY USE TO STAY IN FLIGHT
ARE EXACTLY THE SAME
AS THOSE THAT KEEP US PASSENGERS UP THERE.
SO TO UNDERSTAND HOW ALL AIRCRAFT FLY,
IT HELPS TO SEE HOW THE JET-MEN TAKE TO THE SKIES.
IT MIGHT NOT LOOK LIKE YOUR AVERAGE IN-FLIGHT EXPERIENCE.
THEY DON'T TAKE OFF FROM A RUNWAY.
THEY JUMP FROM A HELICOPTER.
BUT ONCE THEY'RE FLYING ON THEIR OWN,
THERE'S A LOT MORE IN COMMON THAN YOU MIGHT THINK.
INITIALLY THEY PLUMMET TOWARDS THE GROUND
WITH THEIR JET PACKS ON FULL THRUST
TO PICK UP SPEED AND INCREASE AIR FLOW OVER THEIR WINGS...
THE SAME THING A PASSENGER PLANE MUST DO
BEFORE IT CAN TAKE OFF.
AND JUST LIKE A PLANE, THE SHAPE OF THEIR WING
CAUSES LOWER PRESSURE ON ITS TOP SURFACE
THAN ON THE BOTTOM, CREATING A FORCE CALLED LIFT.
BUT THE KEY TO CONTROLLING THE FLIGHT OF ANY JET AIRCRAFT
IS THE ANGLE OF THE WING.
WHEN THE JET-MEN ARCH THEIR BACKS,
THEIR WINGS TILT UPWARDS,
JUST ENOUGH THAT THE LIFT COUNTERACTS THE PULL OF GRAVITY.
THIS CREATES CONTROLLED, LEVEL FLIGHT.
WHERE AIRLINERS USE A RUDDER AND AILERONS TO STEER,
THE JET-MEN USE THEIR HANDS AND BODIES.
BUT THE PRINCIPLE OF LIFT IS THE SAME.
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MOTION OF AIR AND SPEED.
WHEN YOU'RE IN FLIGHT, AIR RUSHES UNDER AND OVER THE WINGS,
KEEPING YOUR PLANE IN THE SKY,
AND IT MIGHT NOT FEEL LIKE IT, BUT IN THOSE LONG HOURS
CRUISING AT 30,000 FEET,
YOU'RE MOVING AT OVER 500 MILES AN HOUR.
THAT'S SO FAST THAT IF YOUR PLANE WAS POINTED
IN JUST SLIGHTLY THE WRONG DIRECTION,
YOU'D END UP HUNDREDS OF MILES OFF COURSE.
THERE'S LITTLE ROOM FOR NAVIGATIONAL ERROR,
SO PILOTS NEED A TOTALLY RELIABLE SYSTEM
TO FIND THEIR WAY THROUGH THE SKY.
TONIGHT, LUFTHANSA SENIOR PILOT CAPTAIN JOACHIM SCHWARZENBERG
IS FLYING ONE OF THE BIGGEST PASSENGER JETS IN THE WORLD,
WITH 480 PEOPLE ON BOARD,
FROM FRANKFURT TO DELHI.
PROBLEM IS, FOR MOST OF THE 4,000-MILE JOURNEY,
HE CAN'T SEE A THING OUT OF THE WINDOW.
[INDISTINCT RADIO TRANSMISSION]
SO HOW DOES HE KNOW WHERE TO GO?
THE ANSWER LIES WITH ONE OF THE CITY IN THE SKY'S
MOST IMPORTANT HIDDEN NETWORKS:
A WEB OF LOCATION MARKERS
DOTTED ACROSS THE PLANET KNOWN AS WAYPOINTS.
SCHWARZENBERG:
TO FLY FROM "A" TO "B,"
WE HAVE TO HAVE AN IDEA
HOW WE WOULD LIKE TO FLY,
SO WE FILE A FLIGHT PLAN
WHICH GOES FROM LANDMARK TO LANDMARK TO LANDMARK
IN EARLIER TIMES.
NOWADAYS, WE ARE FLYING
FROM WAYPOINT TO WAYPOINT TO WAYPOINT.
NARRATOR: 
MOST WAYPOINTS AREN'T PHYSICAL BEACONS
OR EVEN REAL PLACES ON THE GROUND.
SCHWARZENBERG:
THERE USED TO BE PHYSICAL OBJECTS
IN EARLIER DAYS,
BUT NOWADAYS WITH THE USE OF GPS,
IT'S ALL COORDINATES.
WE DEFINE POINTS IN THE AIR
SOMEWHERE OVER THE EARTH,
GIVE THEM A NAME-- IT'S A 5-LETTER NAME--
AND THEN WE FLY FROM WAYPOINT TO WAYPOINT.
NARRATOR: 
WAYPOINTS ARE LIKE IMAGINARY SIGNPOSTS
REACHING INTO THE SKY.
THESE VIRTUAL LANDMARKS TELL THE PLANE'S NAVIGATION SYSTEMS
EXACTLY WHERE IT IS AND WHICH WAY IT'S HEADING.
THEY GIVE PILOTS A TRAIL TO FOLLOW THROUGH THE NIGHT.
AND ON A FAMILIAR ROUTE,
THEIR NAMES GET BURNED INTO A PILOT'S MEMORY.
OUR NEXT WAYPOINT IS NEVIV,
AND WE ARE FLYING FURTHER ON TO PATAX,
MESRA, AND PAVLO,
AND PAVLO IS THE ENTRY POINT TO INDIA,
AND IT'S ALSO THE EXIT POINT
OF, UH, AFGHANISTAN.
SO FOLLOWING THESE WAYPOINTS,
IT'S JUST LIKE FOLLOWING A TRAIL OF BREADCRUMBS.
UH, WE HAVE ABOUT 5,000, 6,000 MILES,
AND SOMETIMES THE SPACING OF THESE WAYPOINTS
IS JUST 20, 40 MILES,
SO IT'S QUITE A LOT.
NARRATOR: 
WHILE WE PASSENGERS ARE WATCHING THE NEXT MOVIE,
THE PILOT IS WATCHING OUT FOR THE NEXT WAYPOINT.
BUT JUST LIKE THE GPS IN YOUR CAR,
THE NAVIGATION SYSTEM CAN'T TELL A PILOT
WHAT ALL THE OTHER TRAFFIC IS DOING,
AND SOMETIMES THERE ARE
A LOT OF OTHER AIRCRAFT TO THINK ABOUT.
EACH ONE OF THESE LINES REPRESENTS THE PATH
OF A REAL PLANE BASED ON RADAR AND TRANSPONDER DATA.
OVER 24 HOURS, AIR TRAFFIC
REACHES INTO EVERY CORNER OF THE GLOBE,
ADDING UP TO OVER 100,000 FLIGHTS
CRISS-CROSSING OUR PLANET EVERY SINGLE DAY.
BY 2034, IT'S PREDICTED THERE WILL BE
OVER 44,000 PASSENGER JETS IN OPERATION WORLDWIDE.
BUT WHILE ANOTHER PLANE ZIPPING BY YOUR WINDOW
MAY LOOK TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT,
IT'S NO ACCIDENT THAT MIDAIR COLLISIONS ARE RARE.
BECAUSE THERE'S SOMEONE WATCHING OVER IT ALL...
A HIGHLY SKILLED GLOBAL ARMY OF AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS.
ONE OF THEIR MOST IMPORTANT NERVE CENTERS
IS JUST OUTSIDE ATLANTA, GEORGIA.
80% OF AMERICANS LIVE WITHIN 3 HOURS' FLYING TIME OF ATLANTA,
AND TRANSATLANTIC FLIGHTS CONTINUALLY CROSS THE AREA.
THE 130,000 SQUARE MILES OF AIRSPACE ABOVE ATLANTA
ARE CRITICAL TO THE ENTIRE U.S. AVIATION SYSTEM.
IT'S THE BUSIEST AIRSPACE ON THE PLANET,
AND IT'S ALL MANAGED FROM THIS UNASSUMING ROOM.
[INDISTINCT RADIO TRANSMISSION]
THE JOB OF THE CONTROLLERS HERE
IS TO SEE THAT PLANES NEVER COLLIDE
BY FINE-TUNING THEIR ROUTES.
AIR TRAFFIC MANAGER SHAUN SANDERS
HAS ULTIMATE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ENSURING THIS VITAL SYSTEM
WORKS WITHOUT A HITCH.
SO, WHAT YOU'RE SEEING BEHIND ME
IS THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES
AND UP NORTH, CANADA, AND SOUTH, MEXICO,
AND THAT'S EVERY PLANE THAT'S FLYING
OVER THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES RIGHT NOW.
THAT'S ALMOST 6,000 PLANES YOU SEE BEHIND ME,
UM, TRANSITIONING, LANDING, DEPARTING,
WHEREVER THEY MAY BE GOING.
SO IT MIGHT LOOK LIKE A DISORGANIZED SWARM,
BUT IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE ORGANIZED.
THEY'RE FOLLOWING AN INVISIBLE HIGHWAY IN THE SKY,
AND THEY'RE SEPARATED BY WHAT WE CALL
OUR STANDARD SEPARATION.
THEY'LL EITHER BE 1,000 FEET VERTICAL
OR 5 MILES LATERAL, SO WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE SCREEN,
IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE,
THEY'RE ON TOP OF ONE ANOTHER,
BUT IN ACTUALITY, THEY'RE SPACED OUT
BY AT LEAST 5 MILES AND 1,000 FEET.
NARRATOR: 
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS ACROSS THE WORLD
SHARE THE SAME SYSTEM FOR PREVENTING COLLISIONS.
BY HERDING AIRCRAFT INTO THOSE INVISIBLE HIGHWAYS IN THE SKY,
THEY KNOW THAT PLANES WILL BE FOLLOWING PREDETERMINED LANES.
THIS ALLOWS THEM TO CONTROL
THEIR SPEED AND SPACING MORE EASILY.
BUT UNLIKE HIGHWAYS ON THE GROUND,
THOSE AIRWAYS ARE ACTUALLY DEEP CANYONS
WITHIN THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE,
AND THAT EXTRA THIRD DIMENSION GIVES THE CONTROLLERS
VERTICAL SPACE TO WORK WITH WHEN TRAFFIC INCREASES.
[INDISTINCT RADIO TRANSMISSION]
ON AN ORDINARY DAY, ATLANTA'S AIRSPACE IS BUSY ENOUGH.
BUT THIS IS THE BUILDUP TO THANKSGIVING.
THE ATLANTA CONTROLLERS ARE DEALING
WITH MORE FLIGHTS THIS WEEK THAN AT ANY OTHER TIME OF THE YEAR...
[INDISTINCT RADIO TRANSMISSION]
RISING TO A STAGGERING PEAK OF 9,000 FLIGHTS
CROSSING THEIR AIRSPACE IN A DAY.
THAT MEANS ON AVERAGE,
AROUND ONE NEW PLANE APPEARS ON THEIR SCREENS
EVERY 10 SECONDS.
THEY'VE GOT TO DO EVERYTHING IN THEIR POWER
TO PREVENT AVIATION GRIDLOCK.
IT TAKES INTENSE FOCUS AND CONCENTRATION.
EVERY HOUR OF THEIR WORKING DAY,
THE CONTROLLERS HOLD THE LIVES OF OVER 50,000 PASSENGERS
IN THEIR HANDS.
ONE SMALL ERROR COULD BE FATAL.
SANDERS: 
TO US, THIS IS WHAT WE DO.
THIS IS WHAT WE GET PAID TO DO.
IT'S NORMAL.
THIS IS YEARS AND YEARS OF TRAINING,
YEARS AND YEARS OF DOING IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER,
DAY IN AND DAY OUT.
UM, WE DON'T THINK ABOUT THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE ON THE PLANES.
IT'S JUST ONE PLANE AT A TIME,
GETTING IT FROM POINT "A" TO POINT "B,"
GETTING IT THERE AS FAST AS WE CAN, AS EFFICIENT AS WE CAN,
AND AS SAFE AS WE CAN, AND THAT'S HOW WE LOOK AT IT.
I'VE NEVER WOKEN UP AT NIGHT WITH HOT SWEATS THINKING ABOUT,
"OH, MY GOD!
THERE'S THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS--"
ONE PLANE AT A TIME IS HOW WE ALWAYS LOOK AT IT.
NARRATOR: 
BUT AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS
AREN'T THE ONLY PEOPLE MONITORING YOUR FLIGHT.
WE'VE ALL WONDERED ABOUT THAT PASSENGER--
YOU KNOW, THE ONE JUST A FEW ROWS BEHIND YOU
WHO WAS PALE AND SWEATING AND DIDN'T LOOK SO GOOD.
WELL, HE MIGHT BE MOMENTS AWAY FROM A HEART ATTACK.
[SIREN]
AND IF THE WORST HAPPENS,
THERE'S A TEAM OF EMERGENCY SPECIALISTS
YOUR CABIN CREW CAN CALL ON.
BANNER UNIVERSITY MEDICAL CENTER SEES A STEADY STREAM
OF EMERGENCY PATIENTS FROM PHOENIX.
BUT MANY OF THE MEDICAL DRAMAS THEY DEAL WITH HERE
TAKE PLACE THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY.
PLEASE GO AHEAD WITH THE PASSENGER AGE,
GENDER, AND SEAT ASSIGNMENT.
DIFFERENT WOMAN:
OK, YOU GO AHEAD
AND MAKE THE MEDICAL ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE CHILD.
NARRATOR: 
IF YOU'RE FLYING ON A MAJOR AIRLINE
AND YOU GET SICK, THE CHANCES ARE THE CABIN CREW WILL TALK
TO THE MEDICS IN THIS VERY ROOM TO FIND OUT WHAT TO DO,
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD.
THIS IS ONE OF SEVERAL COMPANIES
THAT HANDLE MID-AIR MEDICAL EMERGENCIES.
DR. BHOW AT MEDLINK.
HOW DO YOU COPY? 
OVER.
NARRATOR: 
DR. MONEESH BHOW HAS JUST STARTED HIS SHIFT
AND IS RESPONDING TO HIS FIRST EMERGENCY,
A CALL FROM AN AIRCRAFT
TRAVELING FROM THE MIDDLE EAST TO BANGKOK, 8,000 MILES AWAY, SOMEWHERE OVER THE INDIAN OCEAN.
I UNDERSTAND AN 82-YEAR-OLD MALE
WITH A POSSIBLE STROKE.
WHAT WAS THE CONDITION, UH, THAT BROUGHT HIM
TO YOUR ATTENTION?
OVER.
NARRATOR: 
FOR DR. BHOW, PRESSURE'S NOW ON
TO MAKE A QUICK DIAGNOSIS.
BHOW: 
OK. 
COPY THAT.
SO THE PASSENGER WAS STANDING.
HE PASSED OUT, IS CURRENTLY ON THE FLOOR.
IS HE ABLE TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS? 
OVER.
OK. 
IS HE--IS HE BREATHING ON HIS OWN?
NARRATOR: 
HE'S DEPENDING ON THE CAPTAIN AND CABIN CREW
TO ACCURATELY RELAY THE PATIENT'S SYMPTOMS.
OK, COPY THAT.
SO, WHAT WE NEED TO FIND OUT,
IF HE'S STILL NOT RESPONDING BUT HE IS BREATHING,
I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HIS VITAL SIGNS ARE,
AND IS THERE ANY SPONTANEOUS MOVEMENT TO HIS ARMS OR LEGS,
OR IS THERE A PART OF HIS BODY
THAT HE'S NOT MOVING?
OVER.
I'M SORRY. 
THAT LAST TRANSMISSION CUT OUT.
COULD YOU PLEASE REPEAT? 
OVER.
CAPTAIN, ARE YOU STILL ON THE LINE? 
OVER.
NARRATOR: 
THEY'VE LOST CONTACT.
BHOW: 
STROKE.
DUBAI TO LAGOS.
OK.
NARRATOR: 
IF IT DOES TURN OUT TO BE A STROKE,
THEY'LL NEED TO GET THE PATIENT
ON THE GROUND AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
AFTER THAT...
NARRATOR: 
FIRST, THE TEAM NEEDS TO CONSULT THEIR DATABASE
AND DETERMINE WHICH AIRPORTS
HAVE THE RIGHT MEDICAL FACILITIES CLOSE BY.
OF THE AIRPORTS WITHIN RANGE,
ONLY TWO HAVE THE NECESSARY EQUIPMENT TO TREAT A STROKE.
NEITHER ARE EN ROUTE.
OPTION ONE IS DELHI, 700 MILES OUT OF THEIR WAY.
OPTION TWO IS BEHIND THEM BUT CLOSER--MUSCAT.
NARRATOR: 
A FEW MINUTES LATER,
AND THE CREW ARE BACK ON THE LINE.
IS THE PASSENGER AWAKE NOW? 
OVER.
CAN HE--CAN HE SPEAK AT ALL?
IS HE ABLE TO SPEAK NORMALLY TO HIS SON? 
OVER.
OK, SO HE STARTED CHOKING,
AND THAT'S WHAT CAUSED HIM TO FAINT.
IS THAT WHAT I'M UNDERSTANDING?
NARRATOR: 
IT SEEMS THAT THE PASSENGER COLLAPSED
NOT BECAUSE OF A STROKE BUT BECAUSE HE HAD CHOKED ON FOOD,
UNNOTICED BY THE CABIN CREW.
HE HAS NOW WOKEN UP AND, FOR THE MOMENT,
APPEARS TO HAVE RECOVERED.
OK, BUT WE WOULD STILL LIKE AN UPDATE IN 30 MINUTES
AS TO HIS CONDITION.
OVER.
NARRATOR: 
THIS EMERGENCY SEEMS TO BE OVER.
BUT WITH A MILLION PEOPLE IN THE AIR AT ANY ONE TIME,
MEDICAL CRISES IN FLIGHT ARE INEVITABLE.
WHEN SHE FAINTED, UH,
DID SHE FALL DOWN
FROM A STANDING POSITION?
WAS SHE IN HER SEAT?
NARRATOR: 
THE TEAM IN PHOENIX
HANDLE 38,000 CALLS A YEAR.
OK. 
IS SHE ACTIVELY RETCHING NOW?
NARRATOR: 
THEIR OPERATORS FIELD THE CALLS
TO EMERGENCY DOCTORS TRAINED IN HANDLING
MEDICAL SITUATIONS OVER A SATELLITE PHONE.
I'D LIKE YOU TO GIVE HER ONE TABLET...
NARRATOR: 
DR. DAVID STREITWIESER IS THE SENIOR EMERGENCY DOCTOR
TASKED WITH OVERSEEING THIS FACILITY.
STREITWIESER:
WITH NAUSEA, VOMITING,
IT'S RARELY ANYTHING SERIOUS.
I CAN MANAGE MOST OF THE SYMPTOMS.
BUT WHEN I'M TRYING TO RULE OUT A SERIOUS PROBLEM,
THAT'S THE HARD PART.
SO I CAN'T SEE PASSENGERS.
I CAN'T TALK DIRECTLY TO THEM.
WE HAVE TO RELY ON THE CABIN CREW DOING THAT,
SO THEY LITERALLY ARE OUR EYES AND EARS AND HANDS
UNTIL WE CAN GET, PERHAPS, A MEDICAL PERSON INVOLVED.
NARRATOR: 
MEDAIRE HANDLES EMERGENCIES
FROM AROUND THE GLOBE,
SO THE CALLS CAN COME IN AT ANY TIME OF DAY OR NIGHT.
IT'S A CONSTANT STREAM.
BUT SOMETIMES THERE'S A MEDICAL PROBLEM THAT'S SIMPLY TOO SEVERE
TO BE TREATED IN THE AIR.
HE IS NOW HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING,
AND THE REPEAT PULSE IS 240.
IS THAT CORRECT? 
OVER.
NARRATOR: 
DR. MONEESH BHOW HAS BEEN CALLED BACK
BY THE FLIGHT HE WAS HELPING OUT AN HOUR AGO.
THE PASSENGER WHO THEN SEEMED TO BE RECOVERING
HAS NOW TAKEN A TURN FOR THE WORSE.
BHOW: 
LET'S CONTINUE THE OXYGEN,
UH, AND LET'S PLAN TO LAND, UH,
AT THE CLOSEST POSSIBLE OPTION.
LET'S PLAN TO DIVERT INTO MUMBAI.
WE WILL HAVE MEDICAL PERSONNEL
MEET YOU ON ARRIVAL.
THEY ARE TURNING.
THEY ARE TURNING?
YEAH.
NARRATOR: 
DR. BHOW SUSPECTS HIS PASSENGER'S SYMPTOMS
MAY BE DUE TO A SERIOUS HEART CONDITION,
SO HE ADVISES THE CAPTAIN TO DIVERT TO MUMBAI.
A FLIGHT DIVERSION LIKE THIS CAN COST AN AIRLINE
HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.
BUT IT'S A DILEMMA THE DOCTORS HERE FACE EVERY DAY.
BHOW: 
IN A 24-HOUR PERIOD,
WE'RE PROBABLY DIVERTING ONCE OR TWICE.
BHOW: 
OUR ULTIMATE PRIORITY
IS TO TAKE CARE OF THE PASSENGER,
SO IF WE FEEL THAT THE PASSENGER
IS--IS IN CRITICAL NEED OF GETTING ON THE GROUND,
THEN, YOU KNOW, COST IS A SECONDARY CONSIDERATION.
UM, BUT IT IS PROBABLY THE MOST STRESSFUL CALL
THAT WE TAKE WHEN WE MAKE A DECISION FOR A DIVERSION.
NARRATOR: 
AS SOON AS THE FLIGHT LANDS,
THEY'LL RUSH THE PATIENT TO A HOSPITAL,
WHERE LOCAL DOCTORS WILL TAKE OVER.
AS WITH MOST OF THESE CASES, DR. BHOW MAY NEVER FIND OUT
WHETHER HIS PATIENT LIVES OR DIES.
THANKFULLY, NOTHING LIKE THAT IS HAPPENING ON YOUR FLIGHT,
SO SIT BACK, RELAX, AND MAYBE SLIP OFF YOUR SHOES.
BUT CONSIDER THAT WHILE YOU'RE IN THE AIR,
THERE MIGHT BE A LOT MORE STOWED BENEATH YOUR FEET
THAN JUST YOUR BAGGAGE
BECAUSE MOVING YOU IS ONLY ONE FUNCTION OF THE CITY IN THE SKY.
LIKE ANY CITY WITH TRUCKS ON THE ROAD
AND TRAINS ON THE RAILS,
THERE'S A WHOLE HOST OF CARGO MOVING ALONGSIDE YOU,
AND OUR MODERN WAY OF LIFE
DEPENDS ON IT REACHING ITS DESTINATION.
BUT AT 30,000 FEET, THAT SOMETIMES PRESENTS
A CONSIDERABLE CHALLENGE,
ESPECIALLY IF THE CARGO IN QUESTION IS EXPENSIVE,
FRAGILE, AND HAS 4 LEGS.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
THESE SHOW JUMPING HORSES NEED TO BE IN HONG KONG,
OVER 6,000 MILES AWAY, BY 5 P.M. TOMORROW AFTERNOON.
THEY'RE DESTINED FOR THE PRESTIGIOUS
LONGINES MASTERS COMPETITION.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
FIRST JOB FOR VET GORDON SIDLOW IS TO MAKE SURE
EVERY HORSE IS DISEASE-FREE.
THEY'LL NEED THE ALL-CLEAR
BEFORE BEING GIVEN A BOARDING PASS.
SIDLOW: 
BASICALLY WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE
THAT EVERY HORSE IS HEALTHY BEFORE IT GETS ON THE PLANE.
THE IMPORTING COUNTRY WANTS TO KNOW
THAT WE'RE NOT BRINGING DISEASED HORSES INTO THE COUNTRY.
NARRATOR: 
THE LOADING TEAM HAVE JUST 7 HOURS
TO GET ALL 64 HORSES HEALTH-CHECKED AND BOARDED
ONTO THEIR OWN SPECIALLY CHARTERED PLANE--
EASIER SAID THAN DONE.
SIDLOW: 
JUST OCCASIONALLY, YOU WILL GET A HORSE
THAT WE'RE NOT EXPECTING A PROBLEM WITH
WILL HAVE A PROBLEM.
IT'S THE SORT OF JOB WHERE SOMETHING CAN GO WRONG--
VERY, VERY WRONG, VERY, VERY QUICKLY.
NARRATOR: 
IN TWOS AND THREES, THEY'RE GUIDED
INTO SPECIALLY DESIGNED AVIATION HORSE BOXES
THE SAME SIZE AS A STANDARD CARGO CONTAINER.
THAT MAKES IT EASY TO LOAD THEM ONTO THE PLANE.
BUT THE SEATING PLAN NEEDS SPECIAL ATTENTION.
SIDLOW: 
THERE ARE A FEW RULES.
ALL THE HORSES HAVE TO TRAVEL FACING FORWARDS.
WE GENERALLY TRY AND PUT THE STALLIONS AT THE FRONT.
STALLIONS--THE NATURAL REACTION TO A STALLION,
IF IT'S--IF IT'S STANDING 6 INCHES BEHIND A MARE,
UM, AND IT CAN SMELL THE MARE IN FRONT OF IT,
IS THAT, UM, STALLIONS WILL DO WHAT STALLIONS DO,
UM, AND THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO HAPPEN,
UM, WHEN YOU'RE AT 30,000 FEET.
NARRATOR: 
IN TOTAL, THEY'LL HAVE AROUND 32 TONS' WORTH OF HORSES
ON THE FLIGHT, SO IT'S CRUCIAL THE CARGO HANDLERS
LOAD UP THE BOXES EVENLY THROUGHOUT THE PLANE
TO MAKE SURE IT ISN'T UNBALANCED.
AND JUST LIKE US HUMANS,
THE PASSENGERS GET WHAT THEY PAY FOR.
YOU CAN HAVE 3 HORSES IN A BOX,
WHICH IS ECONOMY FLIGHT,
OR ONE OR TWO HORSES IN A BOX,
WHICH IS BUSINESS CLASS.
NARRATOR: 
BY 7 P.M., ALL 64 HORSES ARE SAFELY ON BOARD.
FLIGHT EK9320 DEPARTS BELGIUM,
EMBARKING ON ITS 6,000-MILE JOURNEY THROUGH THE NIGHT.
ITS DESTINATION, HONK KONG, IMPORTS AND EXPORTS
MORE CARGO THAN ANY OTHER AIRPORT IN THE WORLD.
THIS PLACE IS KNOWN AS THE GATEWAY TO CHINA
AND ITS 1.4 BILLION CITIZENS.
TO KEEP THIS VAST FLOW OF GOODS MOVING THROUGH THE SKIES,
HONK KONG HAS BUILT THE BIGGEST CARGO HUB ON THE PLANET.
[MAN SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
NARRATOR: 
WHEN THE HORSES ARRIVE IN A FEW HOURS,
THEY WILL BE JOINING
THE ASTONISHING VARIETY OF AIR FREIGHT
THAT ENDS UP HERE.
BUT SOME GOODS HAVE TO REACH THEIR DESTINATION WITHOUT DELAY.
THIS IS THE HANDLING ZONE FOR PERISHABLE CARGO,
THE STUFF THAT MUST REACH CUSTOMERS
WHILE IT'S STILL FRESH...
FROM ALASKAN CRAB
TO FLOWERS FROM ECUADOR,
SNAILS FROM TAIWAN...
AND EXOTIC FRUIT FROM COLOMBIA.
WE VERY OFTEN COME ACROSS WITH STRANGE THINGS,
BUT TO US, IT'S LIKE WE'RE ACCUSTOMED TO IT.
ALL THE CARGO COMES FROM DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS.
ALL THE AIRCRAFTS PARKED IN THE APRONS WAITING TO DEPART--
SOMETIMES IT WILL BE VERY ODD-SIZED CARGO,
UH, WHICH HAS TO BE MOVED OUT
IN A VERY TIGHT TIME FRAME
BEFORE THE DEPARTURE TIME.
NARRATOR: 
DELIVERIES OF TIME-CRITICAL CARGO
ARE ONLY POSSIBLE THANKS TO AVIATION.
AIR FREIGHT IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRANSPORT IT AROUND THE WORLD
FAST ENOUGH.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST CRABS, SNAILS, AND MYSTERY FRUIT
COMING IN AND OUT OF HONK KONG.
1 IN EVERY 15 AIR CARGO SHIPMENTS
TRAVELING AROUND THE GLOBE ORIGINATES HERE,
AND THIS BUILDING IS AT THE EPICENTER.
THIS IS SUPER TERMINAL ONE,
THE WORLD'S LARGEST AIR CARGO TERMINAL...
ABLE TO PROCESS
UP TO 3.5 MILLION TONS OF AIR FREIGHT A YEAR,
ARRIVING FROM EVERY PART OF THE GLOBE.
IT'S SORTED AND STORED UNTIL READY TO BE SENT OUT AGAIN
TO ANOTHER PART OF THE WORLD.
THE CLICK OF YOUR MOUSE ON THE "BUY" BUTTON
DOESN'T ONLY HAVE CONSEQUENCES IN THE VIRTUAL WORLD.
IT SETS IN MOTION GIGANTIC CARGO TERMINALS LIKE THIS.
IT'S EXCITING, REALLY EXCITING.
UH, IT'S LIKE THE WORLD IS CHANGING ALL THE TIME,
AND YOU HAVE TO RECEIVE ALL THE CHALLENGES
THAT YOU CANNOT PREDICT.
AND YET WE HAVE TO THINK OF THE SOLUTION,
HOW YOU CAN MOVE THINGS OUT
WITHIN THE TIME THAT IS REQUIRED BY THE CUSTOMERS.
NARRATOR: 
THE SUPER TERMINAL HAS AN INGENIOUS SYSTEM
FOR ORGANIZING THE ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF CARGO
THAT ARRIVES HERE.
NONPERISHABLE GOODS ARE FED INTO A VAST NETWORK
OF ROBOTIC CRATES THAT TRAVEL THROUGH MILES OF HIDDEN TUNNELS
TO BE STORED ON ONE OF 10,000 SHELVES...
UNTIL IT'S CALLED UP FOR THE NEXT STAGE OF ITS JOURNEY.
AND DESPITE THE CONSTANT ACTIVITY,
THERE'S NOT A SINGLE HUMAN AT WORK HERE.
THIS IS A VERTICAL CITY OPERATED BY ROBOTS.
THE SUPER TERMINAL HAS TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE
EVERY CONCEIVABLE TYPE OF CARGO,
AND SOME OF THE MOST PRICELESS OF ALL IS ABOUT TO LAND.
THE 64 SHOW JUMPING HORSES FROM BELGIUM
ARE COMING IN RIGHT ON TIME.
THE SUPER TERMINAL IS USED TO DEALING WITH LARGE ANIMALS,
BUT AFTER 16 HOURS IN THE AIR,
THE HORSES ARE TIRED AND IMPATIENT.
WITH ONLY TWO DAYS TO GO BEFORE THE COMPETITION,
IT'S CRUCIAL TO GET THEM AWAY TO THEIR STABLES
FOR SOME REST AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.
VET GORDON SIDLOW MADE THE JOURNEY ALONGSIDE THEM
AND NOW HAS TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE READY TO COMPETE.
SIDLOW: 
HORSES DO GET JET LAG,
SOME MORE SO THAN OTHERS,
UM, BUT IT'S RELATIVELY POORLY UNDERSTOOD
BECAUSE IT'S MORE DIFFICULT TO TELL
IF A HORSE IS JET-LAGGED OR JUST SIMPLY TIRED.
WE WANT TO MAKE SURE
WHEN THE HORSES GET IN THE STABLES
THEY ALL START EATING AND DRINKING STRAIGHTAWAY.
DEHYDRATION AND TRAVEL SICKNESS
ARE THE MAIN THINGS WE'RE LOOKING FOR,
AND THE SIGN OF THAT
IS A HORSE THAT ISN'T EATING, ISN'T DRINKING,
AND LOOKING MISERABLE.
NARRATOR: 
IN TWO HOURS FLAT, EVERY LAST HORSE
HAS BEEN WHISKED AWAY TO ITS STABLE.
SIDLOW: 
THEY GET A DAY OFF TOMORROW,
AND AFTER THAT, IT'S--IT'S BACK TO WORK,
SO, UM, IT'S--IT'S NOT AN EASY LIFE FOR THEM.
IT'S, UH--IT'S A TOUGH-- IT'S A TOUGH GAME.
NARRATOR: 
WHETHER IT'S HORSES, FRUIT, OR YOU,
EVERYTHING TRANSPORTED BY AIR
HAS TO REACH ITS DESTINATION SAFELY.
TO MAKE SURE OF THAT,
A PLANE HAS TO SURVIVE
EXTRAORDINARILY PUNISHING STRESSES AND STRAINS.
IT'S NO MEAN FEAT TO KEEP 92,000 POUNDS OF AIRPLANE ALOFT,
NOT TO MENTION ANOTHER 59,000 POUNDS
OF PASSENGERS, FUEL, AND CARGO.
SO HOW DOES A JET WITH WALLS ONLY A FRACTION OF AN INCH THIN
COPE WITH THE EXTREME FORCES IT ENCOUNTERS IN THE SKY?
PARTLY IT'S DOWN TO THE MATERIALS OF WHICH IT'S MADE,
AND IF YOU'RE TRAVELING ON A PLANE
MANUFACTURED IN THE LAST FEW YEARS,
IT MIGHT BE BUILT LARGELY OF A RADICAL NEW KIND OF MATERIAL,
A MATERIAL WITH SOME EXTRAORDINARY PROPERTIES.
IT'S LED TO THE BIGGEST CHANGE IN AVIATION DESIGN
SINCE ALUMINUM REPLACED WOODEN PLANES BACK IN THE 1920s.
AND IT'S ENABLING THE CONSTRUCTION
OF A NEW GENERATION OF JETS.
ONE OF THE FIRST WAS THE BOEING 787, AKA THE DREAMLINER.
WITH THIS AIRCRAFT, IT'S NOT ABOUT THE SIZE.
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE WEIGHT.
AND THE MATERIAL THAT'S MADE IT POSSIBLE IS CARBON COMPOSITE,
AN INGENIOUS BLEND OF CARBON FIBER AND PLASTIC.
KIM PASTEGA IS RESPONSIBLE FOR DREAMLINER PRODUCTION
AND KNOWS WHAT A REVOLUTION IT REPRESENTS.
WELL, I'VE GOT A PIECE
OF ALUMINUM HERE,
WHICH IS, OF COURSE,
WHAT WE TRADITIONALLY
HAVE MANUFACTURED
AIRPLANES WITH,
AND A PIECE OF OUR
COMPOSITE STRUCTURE HERE.
WELL, FIRST OF ALL, ONE OF THE HUGE DIFFERENCES
YOU'D BE ABLE TO FEEL IF YOU WERE HOLDING THEM
IS JUST THE WEIGHT BETWEEN THE TWO.
IT'S A MASSIVE DIFFERENCE IN TERMS OF
HOW THE AIRPLANE PERFORMS WITH FUEL.
UM, MAYBE TO GIVE YOU SOME IDEA,
UH, WE'VE GOT NOW OVER 300 AIRPLANES FLYING IN SERVICE.
WE'VE BEEN IN SERVICE SINCE THE END OF 2011,
AND IN JUST THOSE SHORT, YOU KNOW, 3 1/2, 4 YEARS,
WE'VE ALREADY SAVED OVER 5 BILLION POUNDS OF FUEL
WITH OUR 787 FLEET.
THAT'S 20% TO 25% MORE FUEL-EFFICIENT
THAN THE AIRPLANES THAT IT'S REPLACING.
NARRATOR: 
BUT LIGHTER COMPOSITES DON'T JUST SAVE FUEL.
THEY ALSO GIVE THE AIRCRAFT SOME ENTIRELY NEW PROPERTIES.
AT MANCHESTER UNIVERSITY'S COMPOSITES TESTING FACILITY
IN THE UNITED KINGDOM, PROFESSOR ANDREW WALKER
IS PUSHING THE BOUNDARIES OF THIS EXTRAORDINARY MATERIAL.
TO BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND ITS STRANGE PROPERTIES,
FIRST YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW IT'S MADE.
AT FACILITIES LIKE THIS, CARBON FIBERS ARE WOVEN
INTO LAYERS ALMOST LIKE A FABRIC,
WHICH THEN GETS HARDENED WITH PLASTIC RESIN.
IT'S BEYOND DOUBT THAT IT'S LIGHTER THAN ALUMINUM.
BUT CAN A PLANE MADE OF COMPOSITE
REALLY BE AS STRONG AS ONE MADE OF METAL?
TO PUT IT TO THE TEST, PROFESSOR WALKER IS USING
AN INSTRON MACHINE, A DEVICE THAT MEASURES
A MATERIAL'S BREAKING POINT.
FIRST UP, THE ALUMINUM.
YOU CAN'T SEE THE MACHINE MOVING,
BUT THE TWO PLATENS ARE ACTUALLY MOVING APART
VERY SLOWLY NOW.
IT'S ABOUT 650 KILOGRAMS.
THAT'S ABOUT, UH, 6 OR 7 PEOPLE OR A SMALL MOTORCAR.
THE STRETCH AT THE MOMENT, IT'S ABOUT 6 MILLIMETERS--
WE CAN SEE THIS ON THE COMPUTER--
AND THE LOAD APPLIED IS ABOUT 700 KILOGRAMS.
AND WE SHOULD SEE IT BEGIN TO FAIL.
THERE WE GO.
NARRATOR: 
WHEN LOADED WITH THE WEIGHT
OF AROUND ONE AND A HALF THOUSAND POUNDS,
THE ALUMINUM STRETCHES AROUND 1/4 OF AN INCH
BEFORE SNAPPING.
NOW FOR THE CARBON COMPOSITE.
WALKER: 
YOU CAN HEAR PINGS,
AND THOSE ARE CARBON FIBERS BREAKING IN THE SAMPLE.
IT'S ABOUT 7 TIMES THE FAILURE LOAD OF THE ALUMINUM.
NARRATOR: 
NOT ONLY IS THE COMPOSITE MATERIAL
ABLE TO RESIST A FAR GREATER FORCE,
IT'S HARDLY STRETCHING AT ALL.
IT'S NOW SUPPORTING 10 TIMES THE WEIGHT
THAT TOOK THE ALUMINUM TO ITS BREAKING POINT.
WALKER: 
THERE WE ARE.
NARRATOR: 
WHERE THE ALUMINUM BROKE
WHEN LOADED WITH THE WEIGHT OF 10 PEOPLE,
THE CARBON COMPOSITE CAN TAKE THE WEIGHT OF A SCHOOL BUS.
SIGNIFICANTLY STRONGER AND STIFFER
THAN EXISTING ALUMINUM ALLOYS.
NARRATOR: 
THE STRENGTH AND STIFFNESS OF COMPOSITES
HAVE RADICALLY CHANGED HOW AIRCRAFT ARE DESIGNED,
IN SOME UNEXPECTED WAYS.
WHEN COMPOSITES FIRST BECAME AVAILABLE,
BOEING SOUGHT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEIR UNIQUE PROPERTIES
TO TRANSFORM THE PASSENGER EXPERIENCE,
Excu--excuse me.
Uh, wha--what's happening?
Where am I?
- You're at the county hospital.
- Why?
- Ah, police brought you in.
Your ID says your name is Norman Bates.
Is that right?
- Uh-huh.
- You know you were lost?
- No, I--I don't remember anything.
How long have I been here?
- Oh, only an hour.
- Is my mother here?
- No, you were brought in alone.
- Can you just undo these?
- No, I can't.
Only the doctor can.
Now, we're trying to get you admitted, but we're pretty crowded, so just try to relax, and the doctor will check on you in a little while.
- Okay, you need to find my mother.
I'm worried about her.
- Why?
- I don't know why--I just am.
I think something bad has happened to her.
[sinistermusic]
- Doctor'll check on you in a while.
- [scoffs]
Just--just please find her!
♪♪ 
Please!
- [exhales]
[grunts] [forebodingmusic]
♪♪  [panting]
♪♪ 
♪♪ 
[indistinct chatter]
♪♪  [knocking]
- Hello?
I need to get my son.
It's urgent.
- Name?
- His or mine?
- His.
- Norman Bates.
[keyboard keys clacking]
- Ah.
Well, you can't get him.
He's under 48-hour observation.
- Who's in charge here?
I want to talk to his doctor right now.
Come on.
- Yeah.
Sit down.
Take a seat.
Please.
- We won't know anything for a long time.
They just got started.
Let's get comfortable.
- Do you know how long I've been sitting out there waiting to talk to you?
- This is a county facility.
We're underfunded and overcrowded.
If you want to complain to somebody, call your county commissioner.
Now, I've some questions I'd like to ask you about your son.
- Yes, of course.
- Norman was found in a field in a state of unconsciousness and talking to himself.
He was extremely agitated and violent.
The farmer was concerned that your son was dangerous.
Have you ever known him to be dangerous?
- No, not at all.
He's one of the sweetest people who have ever lived.
He's very sensitive, and, um, he has these--these blackouts.
- Who is his doctor?
- He doesn't have one.
- He has blackouts, and you've never taken him to see a doctor?
- He fainted at school.
They took him to a hospital.
They ran some tests.
They didn't find anything.
- But he blacks out regularly.
- Well, I mean-- it's just, it depends on what you mean by regularly.
- More than once a year?
- Yes.
[ominousmusic]
♪♪  [scribbling]
You know, I didn't let him get his driver's license.
- And he has no doctor, and he's never been tried on any medications?
- No.
- Are you a Christian Scientist?
- No.
- Okay.
Thank you for your information.
- Can I take him now?
- No, you cannot.
He is under observation.
- Can I at least see him?
- Not until we've assessed him.
- He's my son.
What right do you have to tell me that I can't see him?
- Your son is 18.
Legally, he is an adult.
He is quite possibly mentally ill and dangerous.
The time for you to take care of him was before this.
Do you know that it could be seen as negligent that you never took your son to a doctor even though he clearly has issues?
- Can I please see him?
- If and when we need you, we'll contact you.
[door opens]
♪♪ 
-Getawayfromme!
[screaming]
Getaway!
Getawayfromme! 
- [inhales sharply]
♪♪ 
- Hi, um, my daughter is having surgery here today.
I was wondering if I could see her.
- Who's your daughter?
- Emma Decody.
- She's still in surgery.
It's gonna be a few more hours, but you're welcome to wait here.
- Thank you.
- Are you Emma's mom?
- Yeah, uh, I am.
- What are you doing here?
- You're the one that told me she was having surgery.
- Not so you'd come here.
I told you out of courtesy 'cause you're her mother, or...semblance of a mother.
When she comes out of that surgery, she's gonna be very fragile, and I don't want you here.
I don't want you clearing your conscience at her expense.
- You could have said all that in the email.
I had to scrape together the money to fly here.
I'm not leaving.
I have something for Emma, and it doesn't concern you.
- This isn't the time for your crap, Audrey.
- I can stay if I want to.
- Don't make me throw you out of here.
- Will.
- Stay out of this, Dylan.
[disquietingmusic]
♪♪ 
- You haven't changed.
♪♪ 
- Alex.
- What is it? 
What happened?
- Norman ran away.
We had a fight, and he got picked up, and now he's in some horrible county mental ward in Willamette on a medical hold.
They won't let me take him out.
They were saying that he's 18, and I have no rights.
- And you're here to see me because?
- I need you to get him out.
- N--Norma, I'm not magical.
I've got nothing to do with Willamette.
- Yeah, but you're a sheriff.
Don't you know someone?
I mean, ca--can't you--ju--ju-- pull some strings.
Threaten someone.
Beat someone up in a parking lot.
[solemnmusic]
♪♪ 
- How long's the medical hold?
- 48 hours!
- Okay, you're gonna have to wait 48 hours.
My experience is that in the vast majority of cases, after 48 hours they're gonna release him.
- Well, what am I supposed to do until then?
- You wait it out and pray, all right?
If you do pray.
I...gave that up a long time ago.
Look, look, I know it's hard, all right?
I'm sorry, I just-- I got to get to work.
[door closes] [engine turns over]
♪♪ 
- Mr. Decody.
[hopefulmusic]
So we're still going to keep her here a little while longer.
But, uh, she did great.
Textbook.
You've got a very strong girl there, Mr. Decody.
♪♪ 
- She made it through.
[exhales sharply]
He said it was textbook.
♪♪ 
Just got to see what the next 24 hours bring.
♪♪  [sniffles] [hauntingmusic]
♪♪  [gentle piano music]
♪ ♪ [indistinct chatter]
♪ ♪
- Hello.
Mrs. Bates, right?
- Yes.
Hi, Vicki.
♪ ♪
Well, um, I've thought about it, and I would like to go forward with having Norman admitted.
How do we start?
- You have the doctor's diagnosis recommending treatment?
- Not yet.
I just haven't had the time.
Um, the thing is that, um, h-he really needs help immediately.
Like, right now.
- I don't think that's gonna be possible.
There's a waiting list and insurance issues to deal with and doctors' reports.
It--it all takes time, and you're not guaranteed admittance.
- Okay, well, maybe then he could see--
I could speak to one of your doctors and they could diagnose him?
Like, maybe that could be a little shortcut?
- You can make an appointment with one of our doctors through their private practices.
We don't do that here at the facility.
♪ ♪
- Okay.
Okay.
- Good luck with your son.
Please excuse me.
- Oh.
♪ ♪ [rain pattering]
Um, excuse me.
Uh, Dr. Edwards?
- Yes.
- Yes, hi.
- Hi.
- Um, my name is Norma Bates, and I would like to bring my son to you for a diagnosis.
- Oh, well, feel free to call my office and make an appointment.
- Okay, but it's a bit of an emergency.
- Then you should call 911-- 
- Oh, no, no, it's like-- it's not a 911 kind of p--a problem.
I'm--I'm--I'm a single mother.
My son is 18.
He's having a lot of emotional problems right now and, uh, you know, it's hard being a woman alone with no one to turn to for help.
I bet you could help me.
Won't you please see him?
- I'm gay.
You have my card.
- Doctor, please?
This is the truth.
My son has terrible blackouts.
I--I didn't get him help because I thought I could control it and I was afraid of the doctors.
I thought that they would take him away from me, but I can't control it, and he's being held at Willamette County psych ward, uh, observation and-- and--it's horrible.
It's--it's not a place that any mother would put their child, and I just--he just needs help, and I just need to get him a good place, you know, find him a good place,
and--and a doctor like you, a nice doctor.
[mournfulmusic]
I'm just--I'm afraid that they're gonna lock him up, and I've just never been as-- so scared in my life.
♪♪ 
Please?
Would you please help me?
♪♪ 
- Once he's released, you call my office, and I'll see if I can help you.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you so much.
♪♪  [thunder rumbling] [indistinct chatter] [baby cries] [door closes] [suspensefulmusic]
♪♪  [piano playing]
- [laughs]
- Mother.
both: ♪ Sandman ♪
♪ Bring me a dream ♪
- Good!
[laughter]
♪ That I've ever seen ♪
♪ Give him two lips ♪ [laughs]
Did you actually think you could lure Norman away from me?
[sinistermusic] [smashing]
♪♪ 
Oh, geez, don't look at me like that.
You can't take this shit so seriously.
♪♪  [door opens]
♪♪  [lock clicks shut]
[car approaches]
- I--is the motel open?
I just need a room for a few nights.
Do you take cash?
- Okay, of course.
I'll check you in.
I'm sorry you had to wait.
I've been running the motel by myself the last few days, and my son's out of town, and the girl who usually helps me out... well, she needed some time off.
- You mean Emma?
- Yes, do you know her?
- I...spoke with her in the village the last time I was here.
Nice girl.
- Yes, she is.
Okay, Ms. Ellis.
Um, I'm going to put you in room five.
The village is about a mile;
it's a beautiful walk, and I will be up at the house if you need anything.
- All right.
Thanks, Norma.
- How did you know my name?
- I just saw it on the card there.
- Oh, of course.
[chuckles]
- Have a nice evening.
- Thank you.
You too.
[breathing machine hissing]
- [inhales] [solemnmusic]
♪♪ 
♪♪  [sighs]
Hey.
You look awesome.
♪♪  [sighs]
[phone rings]
- Oh.
Hello?
-Mrs.Bates?
- Yes?
- This is Willamette CountyHospital.
Dr.Palmahasapproved dischargingyourson.
He'llbereadyatnoon today.
- Okay.
Okay, thank you very much.
I'll be right there.
[knocking]
Hi, I'm running out to pick up my son.
I thought you might like some breakfast.
- How kind.
Thank you.
I'm starving, actually.
- Good.
Okay.
Enjoy.
- You really are nice, aren't you?
Emma said you were.
- The one time you ran into her in the village?
- I didn't meet her in the village.
I'm Emma's mother.
- You're Emma's mother?
- She wrote me from here once and told me how much she admired you.
She said she had a crush on your son Norman and that he was her best friend.
She really just had wonderful things to say about both of you.
- I'm sorry, I--I--I--I don't want to hear any of this.
I care about Emma so much, but this is none of my business.
- Your son had a psychotic incident.
You do understand that, right?
- Yes, I understand that's why they brought him here.
- I'm going to release him because I've seen no sign of violence in the last 24 hours, but... his incident, it's very troubling.
- All right.
- You can't go back to what you were doing.
[forebodingmusic]
You cannot ignore his need for care.
- I'm gonna get him into Pineview.
- It's a great facility.
It has a long waiting list.
- Well, I know, but I'm gonna get him in there.
- Well, whatever you do,
I'm going to need to know that he has a doctor and a plan for treatment, or I'm going to return him to this facility.
- No, this place can't help him.
- Doing nothing isn't, either.
Social Services will be contacting you in the next 48 hours.
You'll need to provide them with a doctor's plan for treatment or he's coming back here.
♪♪  [indistinct chatter]
- Mother?
[warmmusic]
♪♪ 
- Oh!
- [sighing]
♪♪  [exhales sharply]
♪♪ 
What happened to your head?
- Oh, no, it's fine.
- Are you okay?
- It's fine.
It's nothing.
Let's go home, Mother.
♪♪ 
[doorbell rings]
- Hello, Norma.
- What can I do for you?
- Look, I don't want to bother you, but I don't have anyone else to ask.
There's something I need to get to Emma, and her father won't let me see her, and I think he'll read it if I try to mail it.
In part, it's about him.
You mean so much to her.
Could you give it to her?
- No, I can't do that.
- Why?
I'm not asking for anything huge.
I'm just trying to reconnect with my daughter.
- I'm sorry, but you just-- you're gonna have to figure out another way to make that happen.
- Could I talk to your son?
- Why would you want to talk to my son?
- They were close.
I--I--I promise I won't give him the letter.
I just--I just want to ask him about Emma and how she's been-- 
- No, no, I do not want you talking to my son.
- And who the hell are you to judge me?
[tensemusic]
You think you know what it's like to live with a child that has something seriously wrong with them?
Have that axe hanging over your head day and night?
To wonder if you'll be strong enough to stand it?
♪♪ 
- [breathes sharply]
I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna help you.
In fact, I want you to leave.
- Right now?
- Yeah.
I think you better get off my porch, go get your bags, and please leave right now.
- I don't have anywhere to go.
My flight's tomorrow.
I have no car.
What am I supposed to do?
- I don't know.
- Can I please stay here tonight?
- So stay tonight, but just don't come up here anymore and don't talk to me or my son.
He's been through a lot of bad things lately and he doesn't need to be upset.
[crickets chirp]
-♪ Youthrillme♪ 
- Dinner smells good.
What is it?
- Chicken with rosemary.
It'll be ready soon.
You hungry?
- Yeah.
- [chuckles] Good.
-♪ You,you♪
- So happy to be home, Mother.
- Yeah.
- To be with you.
- You too, darling.
But you do realize, you need to see a doctor, a professional who can help you.
- Like Dr. Palma?
- No, a nice doctor, okay?
A good doctor.
- Okay.
-♪ Marryyou andtakeyouhome,whoa ♪
- We can try, but you must promise me that you won't ever send me to a place like that...
-♪ I knowyou♪
- Horrible place full of crazy people.
Promise me, Mother.
I don't ever want to be separated from you again.
Okay?
- [sighs]
- Okay--I-- I was wrong about things, and--and I will see a doctor, okay, but just please don't send me away from here.
-♪ Whoa, wheneverI 'mwithyou♪
- Stop worrying, okay?
Just turn your head back around and sit still for me, please.
-♪ Ooh♪
-♪ Mm-hmm,mm-hmm, honestyoudo ,honestyou do♪ 
- It's just, I had horrible dreams in that place.
I dreamt you killed Bradley Martin and bashed her brains out on a rock.
But I guess that... wasn't real, and none of it was real.
[ominousmusic]
♪♪ 
- None of it was real, Norman.
- Are you absolutely sure, Mother?
- Yes, I'm sure.
Okay, you're exhausted.
Stop thinking.
Stop looking at me.
Okay, just face forward and sit still, please!
♪♪ 
[birds chirping]
[forebodingmusic]
♪♪ 
- [sighs] [phone buzzing]
[clicks]
- What's the problem, Norma?
- [sighs]
Why do you have to answer the phone like that?
What happened to hello?
- Fine, hello, what's the problem?
- Can I just meet you for five minutes?
I need to ask you something.
- [sighs]
Aren't--aren't-- aren't we talking now?
- Well, it's not a phone thing;
it's an in-person thing.
It's important.
- [sighs]
All right, when?
- Um, it needs to be now.
- Now--I'm not even awake, Norma.
- Well, I--I--I'll come to you.
You don't have to be awake.
You just have to be there.
Okay, I'll see you in a few minutes.
Itwon'ttakelong,Ipromise.
[ominousmusic]
♪♪ 
♪♪ 
♪♪ 
- Mother?
Mother?
[sinistermusic]
Why'dyoulockthe doors?
♪♪ 
Mother!
Aah!
Mother, let me out!
Mother!
Let me out of here right now!
[crashing, glass shatters] [pants]
♪♪ 
♪♪ 
♪♪ 
♪♪  [knocking at door]
- [sighs]
Well, has he been released?
- Yeah, they let him go.
He's home, but they're gonna make him go back unless I get him into this private place, Pineview.
- Yeah, no, I know.
Yeah.
- Yeah, it's beautiful.
People there know what they're doing, but I don't have any insurance, and I can't even get him on the waiting list without it.
- So?
- I need insurance.
You have insurance.
So I thought maybe you could marry me.
It's not like you're doing anything else.
Please, it's--I'm in a-- it's--it would just be on paper.
I'm not asking for an actual marriage.
I know you're attracted to me.
I'll sleep with you.
I don't care.
I really don't.
I just--I just need you to do this for me.
- Okay, no.
I'm--I'm--I'm not gonna marry you, all right?
You just shouldn't-- you need to leave.
- It's that big a deal to you?
- Look, you're an attractive woman.
I'm sure you'll find someone else pretty quickly.
- Okay.
I will.
F--fine.
All right, thanks.
[panting] [inhales and exhales sharply]
[ominousmusic] [doorbell rings]
♪♪ 
- Yes?
- Um...
- Oh.
Sorry, I'm in a robe.
You caught me getting ready.
- No worries.
I, um...
I'm Emma's mother, and I would like to talk to you if I could.
- You're Emma's mother?
- Yes.
Can I talk to you?
♪♪ 
Emma wrote to me and told me how close the two of you are.
I know what you must think about me, but... it's not like that.
I was afraid to stay with Emma's father.
He has a violent temper.
I want Emma to know that I love her and I hope that she can maybe understand why I did what I did.
I so regret it.
[inhales sharply]
It hurts me so much.
♪♪ 
- Hm.
♪♪ 
- [sobs]
♪♪ 
- It's all right.
♪♪ 
- [sniffling]
Um...
This rabbit's from her childhood.
Maybe you could give it to her.
And then--and this letter.
♪♪ 
- I'm so sorry for you.
[musicswellingmenacingly]
- [sighs]
Thank you.
♪♪ 
- But what sort of a person runs away from their sick child?
- I thought you said-- 
- Do you have any idea the pain she suffered?
- [choking] [dramaticmusic]
- You think your pain is anything like what she went through?
Every day, feeling abandoned by her own mother... made to feel unwanted... worthless.
You love someone more than anything, and they leave you.
♪♪  [dramaticstringglissandos]
♪♪ 

[phone rings]
- Hello?
- Hey.
Hi, did you find him?
No.
No, I, uh... 
I left pictures at 50 different places along the road. 
Nobody's seen him.
I called some hospitals, too, and nothing.
Nothing?
I don't know what to do.
What are we gonna do?
Look, I'm gonna be home in... in a couple hours and, uh, just let... just let me know if... if you hear anything.
Okay, fine, I will. 
Bye.
[sighs] [birds chirping]
[grunts]
Come on.
No.
No... you're the one who suggested it, going back home on foot.
No, no, I'm not the one who's responsible.
Mother, you have to stop trying to say that everything's fine, okay?
You can't pretend like none of this ever happened.
I told you I'll protect you, but you have to listen.
Excuse me.
Son.
You all right?
I'm fine.
Ah, Mother! 
Stop it!
Stop talking about it.
Hey, fella, why don't you let me help you?
I... 
I... it's my mother.
She doesn't know what she's doing.
I'm not telling him anything.
Okay, we just... please.
Please leave us alone.
You just... you stay away from us.
Why don't you come with me, son?
Back to my house, and we'll call someone.
Please go away.
- Leave us alone.
- Okay.
[grunts]
Ugh!
[grunts]
CREDITS [clock ticking]
[door creaks open]
Yeah, I did leave this number.
He's been missing since last night.
Dylan?
- Is he there with you?
- You found him?
Is he okay?
Yeah, he... he's my brother. 
Uh, what... what town are you in?
Oh, thank God, thank God.
Where is he? 
He must be so scared.
Can we go get him?
Hold on. 
Hold on.
Yeah, yeah, um, I'm sorry.
Can you hold on a second?
He's in Willamette County in the hospital.
How long has he been there? 
Is he hurt?
What are they saying?
What's happening?
Excuse me, hold on one sec.
Someone found him lost, talking to himself.
He's in a psychiatric unit.
What?
We're on our way.
Okay, we're gonna take your car.
No, we're not taking my car.
What difference does it make? 
Fine, we'll take mine.
- I'm not going with you.
- What?
I need to go to Portland.
What are you talking about?
Why on Earth do you have to go to Portland right now?
Emma's having a lung transplant this morning.
[somber music]
Why didn't you tell me?
I... 
I didn't really want to lay a lung transplant on you when you were terrified about Norman.
I mean about you and Emma.
I guess this is me telling you.
Okay.
It all happened kind of quickly.
I hope she's okay.
Me too.
Be safe, Norma, okay?
- Mm-hmm.
- Don't worry.
[car door opens, shuts] [engine turns over] [monitors beeping]
[door opens]
Hello.
You must be Miss Decody.
I'm Dr. Porter.
I'll be your anesthesiologist today.
Please, can you call me Emma?
Miss Decody just sounds weird.
[chuckles] All right, Emma.
Well, they're ready for you now, so Jason here is gonna wheel you into the operating room, then I'm gonna ask you a few questions, and then we're gonna get started, okay?
Okay.
You excited?
I don't know; it's just hard to believe you're gonna take out my lungs and put some others in there.
It's jus... it's crazy.
You're gonna be great.
Let's go.
[door opens] [wheels rolling] [indistinct chatter]
Hello?
[coughing in distance]
Excu... excuse me.
Uh, wha... what's happening?
Where am I?
You're at the county hospital.
- Why?
- Ah, police brought you in.
Your ID says your name is Norman Bates.
- Is that right?
- Uh-huh.
You know you were lost?
No, I... 
I don't remember anything.
How long have I been here?
Oh, only an hour.
Is my mother here?
No, you were brought in alone.
Can you just undo these?
No, I can't. 
Only the doctor can.
Now, we're trying to get you admitted, but we're pretty crowded, so just try to relax, and the doctor will check on you in a little while.
Okay, you need to find my mother.
- I'm worried about her.
- Why?
I don't know why... 
I just am.
I think something bad has happened to her.
[sinister music]
Doctor'll check on you in a while.
[scoffs]
Just... just please find her!
Please!
Hello?
I need to get my son. 
It's urgent.
- Name?
- His or mine?
- His.
- Norman Bates.
[keyboard keys clacking]
Ah.
Well, you can't get him.
He's under 48-hour observation.
Who's in charge here?
I want to talk to his doctor right now.
Come on.
Yeah. 
Sit down.
Take a seat.
Please.
We won't know anything for a long time.
They just got started.
Let's get comfortable.
Do you know how long I've been sitting out there waiting to talk to you?
This is a county facility.
We're underfunded and overcrowded.
If you want to complain to somebody, call your county commissioner.
Now, I've some questions I'd like to ask you about your son.
Yes, of course.
Norman was found in a field in a state of unconsciousness and talking to himself.
He was extremely agitated and violent.
The farmer was concerned that your son was dangerous.
Have you ever known him to be dangerous?
No, not at all.
He's one of the sweetest people who have ever lived.
He's very sensitive, and, um, he has these...
these blackouts.
Who is his doctor?
He doesn't have one.
He has blackouts, and you've never taken him to see a doctor?
He fainted at school. 
They took him to a hospital.
They ran some tests. 
They didn't find anything.
But he blacks out regularly.
Well, I mean... it's just, it depends on what you mean by regularly.
More than once a year?
Yes.
[ominous music] [scribbling]
You know, I didn't let him get his driver's license.
And he has no doctor, and he's never been tried on any medications?
No.
Are you a Christian Scientist?
No.
Okay.
Thank you for your information.
Can I take him now?
No, you cannot. 
He is under observation.
- Can I at least see him?
- Not until we've assessed him.
He's my son.
What right do you have to tell me that I can't see him?
Your son is 18.
Legally, he is an adult.
He is quite possibly mentally ill and dangerous.
The time for you to take care of him was before this.
Do you know that it could be seen as negligent that you never took your son to a doctor even though he clearly has issues?
Can I please see him?
If and when we need you, we'll contact you.
[door opens]
Get away from me!
[screaming]
Get away! 
Get away from me!
[inhales sharply]
Hi, um, my daughter is having surgery here today.
I was wondering if I could see her.
- Who's your daughter?
- Emma Decody.
She's still in surgery.
It's gonna be a few more hours, but you're welcome to wait here.
Thank you.
Are you Emma's mom?
Yeah, uh, I am.
What are you doing here?
You're the one that told me she was having surgery.
Not so you'd come here.
I told you out of courtesy 'cause you're her mother, or... semblance of a mother.
When she comes out of that surgery, she's gonna be very fragile, and I don't want you here.
I don't want you clearing your conscience at her expense.
You could have said all that in the email.
I had to scrape together the money to fly here.
I'm not leaving.
I have something for Emma, and it doesn't concern you.
This isn't the time for your crap, Audrey.
I can stay if I want to.
Don't make me throw you out of here.
Will.
Stay out of this, Dylan.
[disquieting music]
You haven't changed.
- Alex.
- What is it? 
What happened?
Norman ran away.
We had a fight, and he got picked up, and now he's in some horrible county mental ward in Willamette on a medical hold.
They won't let me take him out.
They were saying that he's 18, and I have no rights.
And you're here to see me because?
I need you to get him out.
N... 
Norma, I'm not magical.
I've got nothing to do with Willamette.
Yeah, but you're a sheriff.
Don't you know someone?
I mean, ca... can't you...
ju... ju... pull some strings.
Threaten someone.
Beat someone up in a parking lot.
[solemn music]
- How long's the medical hold?
- 48 hours!
Okay, you're gonna have to wait 48 hours.
My experience is that in the vast majority of cases, after 48 hours they're gonna release him.
Well, what am I supposed to do until then?
You wait it out and pray, all right?
If you do pray.
I...gave that up a long time ago.
Look, look, I know it's hard, all right?
I'm sorry, I just...
I got to get to work.
[door closes] [engine turns over]
Mr. Decody.
[hopeful music]
So we're still going to keep her here a little while longer.
But, uh, she did great.
Textbook.
You've got a very strong girl there, Mr. Decody.
She made it through.
[exhales sharply]
He said it was textbook.
Just got to see what the next 24 hours bring.
[sniffles] [haunting music]
[gentle piano music]
[indistinct chatter]
Hello.
Mrs. Bates, right?
Yes. 
Hi, Vicki.
Well, um, I've thought about it, and I would like to go forward with having Norman admitted.
How do we start?
You have the doctor's diagnosis recommending treatment?
Not yet. 
I just haven't had the time.
Um, the thing is that, um, h-he really needs help immediately.
Like, right now.
I don't think that's gonna be possible.
There's a waiting list and insurance issues to deal with and doctors' reports.
It... it all takes time, and you're not guaranteed admittance.
Okay, well, maybe then he could see...
I could speak to one of your doctors and they could diagnose him?
Like, maybe that could be a little shortcut?
You can make an appointment with one of our doctors through their private practices.
We don't do that here at the facility.
Okay. 
Okay.
Good luck with your son.
Please excuse me.
Oh.
[rain pattering]
Um, excuse me.
Uh, Dr. Edwards?
- Yes.
- Yes, hi.
- Hi.
- Um, my name is Norma Bates, and I would like to bring my son to you for a diagnosis.
Oh, well, feel free to call my office and make an appointment.
Okay, but it's a bit of an emergency.
Then you should call 911...
Oh, no, no, it's like... it's not a 911 kind of p... a problem.
I'm... 
I'm... 
I'm a single mother.
My son is 18.
He's having a lot of emotional problems right now and, uh, you know, it's hard being a woman alone with no one to turn to for help.
I bet you could help me.
Won't you please see him?
I'm gay.
You have my card.
Doctor, please?
This is the truth.
My son has terrible blackouts.
I... 
I didn't get him help because I thought I could control it and I was afraid of the doctors.
I thought that they would take him away from me, but I can't control it, and he's being held at Willamette County psych ward, uh, observation and...
and... it's horrible.
It's... it's not a place that any mother would put their child, and I just... he just needs help, and I just need to get him a good place, you know, find him a good place,
and... and a doctor like you, a nice doctor.
[mournful music]
I'm just... 
I'm afraid that they're gonna lock him up, and I've just never been as... so scared in my life.
Please? 
Would you please help me?
Once he's released, you call my office, and I'll see if I can help you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you so much.
[thunder rumbling] [indistinct chatter]
[baby cries] [door closes] [suspenseful music]
[piano playing] [laughs]
Mother.
Both: ♪ Sandman ♪
♪ Bring me a dream ♪
- Good!
- [laughter]
♪ That I've ever seen ♪
- ♪ Give him two lips ♪ - [laughs]
Did you actually think you could lure Norman away from me?
[sinister music] [smashing]
Oh, geez, don't look at me like that.
You can't take this shit so seriously.
[door opens]
[lock clicks shut]
I... is the motel open?
I just need a room for a few nights.
Do you take cash?
Okay, of course. 
I'll check you in.
I'm sorry you had to wait.
I've been running the motel by myself the last few days, and my son's out of town, and the girl who usually helps me out... well, she needed some time off.
You mean Emma?
Yes, do you know her?
I... spoke with her in the village the last time I was here.
Nice girl.
Yes, she is.
Okay, Ms. Ellis.
Um, I'm going to put you in room five.
The village is about a mile; it's a beautiful walk, and I will be up at the house if you need anything.
All right.
Thanks, Norma.
How did you know my name?
I just saw it on the card there.
Oh, of course. [chuckles]
Have a nice evening.
Thank you. 
You too.
[breathing machine hissing]
[inhales] [solemn music]
[sighs]
Hey.
You look awesome.
[sighs] [phone rings]
Oh.
Hello?
- Mrs. Bates?
- Yes?
This is Willamette County Hospital.
Dr. Palma has approved discharging your son.
He'll be ready at noon today.
Okay. 
Okay, thank you very much.
I'll be right there.
[knocking]
Hi, I'm running out to pick up my son.
I thought you might like some breakfast.
How kind. 
Thank you.
I'm starving, actually.
Good.
Okay. 
Enjoy.
You really are nice, aren't you?
Emma said you were.
The one time you ran into her in the village?
I didn't meet her in the village.
I'm Emma's mother.
You're Emma's mother?
She wrote me from here once and told me how much she admired you.
She said she had a crush on your son Norman and that he was her best friend.
She really just had wonderful things to say about both of you.
I'm sorry, I... 
I... 
I... 
I don't want to hear any of this.
I care about Emma so much, but this is none of my business.
Your son had a psychotic incident.
You do understand that, right?
Yes, I understand that's why they brought him here.
I'm going to release him because I've seen no sign of violence in the last 24 hours, but... his incident, it's very troubling.
All right.
You can't go back to what you were doing.
[foreboding music]
You cannot ignore his need for care.
I'm gonna get him into Pineview.
It's a great facility.
It has a long waiting list.
Well, I know, but I'm gonna get him in there.
Well, whatever you do,
I'm going to need to know that he has a doctor and a plan for treatment, or I'm going to return him to this facility.
No, this place can't help him.
Doing nothing isn't, either.
Social Services will be contacting you in the next 48 hours.
You'll need to provide them with a doctor's plan for treatment or he's coming back here.
[indistinct chatter]
Mother?
[warm music]
Oh!
[sighing]
[exhales sharply]
What happened to your head?
Oh, no, it's fine.
Are you okay?
It's fine. 
It's nothing.
Let's go home, Mother.
Hello, Norma.
What can I do for you?
Look, I don't want to bother you, but I don't have anyone else to ask.
There's something I need to get to Emma, and her father won't let me see her, and I think he'll read it if I try to mail it.
In part, it's about him.
You mean so much to her.
Could you give it to her?
No, I can't do that.
Why?
I'm not asking for anything huge.
I'm just trying to reconnect with my daughter.
I'm sorry, but you just... you're gonna have to figure out another way to make that happen.
Could I talk to your son?
Why would you want to talk to my son?
They were close.
I... 
I... 
I promise I won't give him the letter.
I just... 
I just want to ask him about Emma and how she's been...
No, no, I do not want you talking to my son.
And who the hell are you to judge me?
[tense music]
You think you know what it's like to live with a child that has something seriously wrong with them?
Have that axe hanging over your head day and night?
To wonder if you'll be strong enough to stand it?
[breathes sharply]
I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna help you.
In fact, I want you to leave.
- Right now?
- Yeah.
I think you better get off my porch, go get your bags, and please leave right now.
I don't have anywhere to go.
My flight's tomorrow.
I have no car. 
What am I supposed to do?
I don't know.
Can I please stay here tonight?
So stay tonight, but just don't come up here anymore and don't talk to me or my son.
He's been through a lot of bad things lately and he doesn't need to be upset.
[crickets chirp]
♪ You thrill me ♪
Dinner smells good. 
What is it?
Chicken with rosemary.
It'll be ready soon. 
You hungry?
- Yeah.
- [chuckles] Good.
♪ You, you ♪
So happy to be home, Mother.
Yeah.
To be with you.
You too, darling.
But you do realize, you need to see a doctor, a professional who can help you.
Like Dr. Palma?
No, a nice doctor, okay?
A good doctor.
Okay.
♪ Marry you and take you home, whoa ♪
We can try, but you must promise me that you won't ever send me to a place like that... ♪ I know you ♪
Horrible place full of crazy people.
Promise me, Mother.
I don't ever want to be separated from you again.
- Okay?
- [sighs]
Okay... 
I... 
I was wrong about things, and... and I will see a doctor, okay, but just please don't send me away from here.
♪ Whoa, whenever I'm with you ♪
Stop worrying, okay?
Just turn your head back around and sit still for me, please.
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, honest you do, honest you do ♪
It's just, I had horrible dreams in that place.
I dreamt you killed Bradley Martin and bashed her brains out on a rock.
But I guess that... wasn't real, and none of it was real.
[ominous music]
None of it was real, Norman.
Are you absolutely sure, Mother?
Yes, I'm sure.
Okay, you're exhausted.
Stop thinking. 
Stop looking at me.
Okay, just face forward and sit still, please!
[birds chirping]
[foreboding music]
[sighs] [phone buzzing]
[clicks]
What's the problem, Norma?
[sighs]
Why do you have to answer the phone like that?
What happened to hello?
Fine, hello, what's the problem?
Can I just meet you for five minutes?
I need to ask you something.
[sighs]
Aren't... aren't...
aren't we talking now?
Well, it's not a phone thing;
it's an in-person thing.
It's important.
[sighs]
All right, when?
Um, it needs to be now.
Now... 
I'm not even awake, Norma.
Well, I... 
I... 
I'll come to you.
You don't have to be awake.
You just have to be there.
Okay, I'll see you in a few minutes.
It won't take long, I promise.
[ominous music]
Mother?
Mother?
[sinister music]
Why'd you lock the doors?
Mother!
Aah!
Mother, let me out!
Mother!
Let me out of here right now!
[crashing, glass shatters] [pants]
[knocking at door]
[sighs]
Well, has he been released?
Yeah, they let him go. 
He's home, but they're gonna make him go back unless I get him into this private place, Pineview.
Yeah, no, I know. 
Yeah.
Yeah, it's beautiful.
People there know what they're doing, but I don't have any insurance, and I can't even get him on the waiting list without it.
So?
I need insurance.
You have insurance.
So I thought maybe you could marry me.
It's not like you're doing anything else.
Please, it's... 
I'm in a... it's... it would just be on paper.
I'm not asking for an actual marriage.
I know you're attracted to me. 
I'll sleep with you.
I don't care. 
I really don't.
I just... 
I just need you to do this for me.
Okay, no.
I'm... 
I'm... 
I'm not gonna marry you, all right?
You just shouldn't... you need to leave.
It's that big a deal to you?
Look, you're an attractive woman.
I'm sure you'll find someone else pretty quickly.
Okay.
I will. 
F... fine. 
All right, thanks.
[panting] [inhales and exhales sharply]
[ominous music] [doorbell rings]
Yes?
Um...
Oh.
Sorry, I'm in a robe.
You caught me getting ready.
No worries. 
I, um...
I'm Emma's mother, and I would like to talk to you if I could.
You're Emma's mother?
Yes.
Can I talk to you?
Emma wrote to me and told me how close the two of you are.
I know what you must think about me, but... it's not like that.
I was afraid to stay with Emma's father.
He has a violent temper.
I want Emma to know that I love her and I hope that she can maybe understand
why I did what I did.
I so regret it.
[inhales sharply]
It hurts me so much.
Hm.
[sobs]
It's all right.
[sniffling]
Um...
This rabbit's from her childhood.
Maybe you could give it to her.
And then... and this letter.
I'm so sorry for you.
[music swelling menacingly] [sighs]
Thank you.
But what sort of a person runs away from their sick child?
I thought you said...
Do you have any idea the pain she suffered?
[choking] [dramatic music]
You think your pain is anything like what she went through?
Every day, feeling abandoned by her own mother... made to feel unwanted... worthless.
You love someone more than anything, and they leave you.
[dramatic string glissandos]

THE SON OF JOSEPH
The Sacrifice of Abraham
Gotcha. 
Now you gonna die.
Slowly.
She is biting the rod.
She will break her teeth.
Try to hit the eyes.
I cannot. 
She is too smart.
Where is Vincent?
He beat it.
It's not hard to bear.
He's weird.
PARENTS AND SONS
HARDWARE STORE
Hello Dean.
- Hi.
I left you a message.
- Yeah.
You did not answer me.
- No.
Not a big deal.
- I know.
Need to talk to you.
- What about?
- I have an offer for you.
Go ahead.
Let's go to the café.
I have no money.
- It's OK, I do.
I don't want to go to the café.
I don't like those folks.
We need a quiet place.
What I have to say is confidential.
Let's go to the Palais-Royal.
- It's far.
Five minutes walk. 
That will do you good.
So, what do you want to talk about?
I've launched a business. 
I would like you to become a partner.
What sort of the business?
I'm selling sperm over the Internet.
I have many clients. 
Even some men.
I do not know what they do with it.
Who is your supplier?
Myself. 
But my supply is limited.
You can help me.
Are you kidding me?
Not at all. 
It is a modern, handcrafted and ecological business.
I am not interested.
You always say, you have no money.
It's a lucrative business.
I am not interested.
Bye.
This guy has no head for business.
Come in.
Good night, Vincent.
Good night, mom.
You are not sleeping?
No.
Could you turn on the light?
It's almost night.
Sure.
Did you have a good day?
Normal.
What about you?
Mine was normal too.
That is, tiresome.
Your profession was your own choice.
I do not regret it.
As a nurse, I help suffering people.
I try to lend them courage.
But this can also be strenuous.
I could never be a nurse.
You will help people in some other ways.
I do not want to help people.
If one loves people, one wants to help them.
But I love no one.
I think you do.
I'm telling you I don't.
Nobody loves me and I love nobody.
There are people who love you, Vincent.
I have a question for you.
Yes?
Who is my father?
You already know the answer.
You've never given me that answer.
It is always the same.
As long as you haven't given me any, I will continue asking.
I answer today as I always did.
You have no father.
I will prepare our dinner.
Now I'm going to study.
- Hang on.
I bought a Basque pie.
This is your favorite dessert.
I'm going to study.
Can I walk in?
Yes.
I've finished washing the dishes.
I'm going for a walk.
This night feels very quiet.
Would you like to come with me?
Can not you see I'm working?
So I'm going.
Have a good time working!
Hello, Madeleine.
Who are you?
I'm a nurse.
A nurse?
We are taking care of you.
You will be fine.
Where we are?
In a hospital.
You had an accident.
I was with my dad in the car.
Yes.
And then the accident occurred.
Where is my dad?
Your mother is coming.
She will explain everything to you.
Where is my dad?
I want that it were him who explains.
Return to the sender
Oscar, you asked me not to seek contact with you.
I respected your wish and keep on doing it.
I've allowed myself to write you because I have something important to tell.
It doesn't concern me but someone else.
Two days ago my child was born.
This is a boy.
I'll call him Vincent.
This child is ours.
I love him.
And I'm sure if you saw him, you would love him as well.
I will raise him alone.
I'm not going to seek any help.
All I ask you is to accept the boy as your son.
So you will be, at least nominally, a father.
Who is Oscar Pormenor?
Where have you found out his name?
I had been living two years long with him until I became pregnant.
He told me to abort child or he would dump me.
But I chose that you existed.
I've tried to save you from unnecessary pain.
You do not owe me gratitude, but I do not deserve you rummaging in my stuff.
The Golden Calf
The Conlong Award goes to Mathieu Orfraie, author of "The predatory mother" published by Apoa.
Hello, sir.
- Good evening.
You certainly have an invitation?
I've lost it.
I'm sorry, sir, but without an invit...
I was invited by Oscar Pormenor.
You're welcome, sir, come in, please.
Thank you.
Good evening, young man.
Good evening, ma'am.
Staying here without a drink?
This is just inconceivable.
A glass of champagne for monsieur.
Thank you.
I am Violette Tréfouille.
I write critical reviews for the literary supplement.
Do you read it, right?
No, ma'am.
Among all present here tonight you are undoubtedly the only one who does not.
I admire extraordinary personalities.
Who are you?
Vincent.
I bet I've seen you before, but with lots of people I come across, you know ...
Vincent who?
...Vincent Dumarais.
Of course!
Vincent Dumarais.
Oscar Pormenor told me about you.
He will publish your first novel.
It's apparently great.
I feel very honored by publication of this masterpiece, "The predatory mother"
which has just won the prestigious Conlong prize and by its brilliant author, Mathieu Orfraie, by my side.
I'm very proud of discovering unique and talented authors who challenge taboos and break new ground.
Long live the "The predatory mother"!
I'd like to introduce you.
This is Vincent Dumarais, a brilliant author.
Oscar publishes his first novel.
Charlotte Sentombot, the greatest author of Luxembourg bourgeoisie.
Thanks to rigor of the French grammar I qualify as a woman author, but you don't need to confine me, dear, only to Luxembourg bourgeoisie.
Yes, it's true.
Charlotte is the greatest French woman writer.
The second great.
I give the first place to Marguerite Duras.
I was referring to those who are alive.
I have just come back from a meeting in the Church of Sade.
We set out a terrific project.
On May 24, the Day of Santa Donation, we'll organize a large procession around Notre-Dame.
It is deliciously subversive.
The whole art is subversive, darling.
I'd like to greet Mathieu.
I swear.
I've heard it from Scarlett Francomane, Violette's best friend.
And I have heard it from the man himself.
I don't believe a word that Scarlett says.
Philomène!
Bernadette!
I'd like to introduce you Philibert Duchêne, a marvelous writer.
Bernadette is the personal secretary of Oscar Pormenor.
How do you do?
- It is a pleasure.
We have nearly been arguing.
How awful!
Philomena purports that Mathieu Sea-Eagle is a lover of Violet Tréfouille.
I have a reliable source.
I have a better source, and he has an affair with Aristarque Chrimatopoulos.
He is a Violette's lover.
Do you see?
And he has an affair with that gentleman.
We have not considered this possibility!
The secret of success is versatility.
We were both right. 
Let's drink!
I've run out of champagne.
- Me too.
Let's refuel.
And I have to return to my duties.
Oscar is a very demanding boss.
And Bernadette is a very personal secretary.
Oscar!
My dear Violette.
Your critique on the book of Mathieu was prophetic.
We share the gift of discovering brilliant authors.
And the next one will be Vincent Dumarais.
I've just talked to him.
Vincent ... who?
Vincent Dumarais.
You published him this autumn.
Yes, indeed! 
He will be the next Céline.
And he is so young.
Youth and audacity are my benchmarks.
And I never get wrong.
Good morning sir.
- Good morning ma'am.
I would like to see Mr. Oscar Pormenor, please.
Mr. Pormenor meets no one without an appointment.
Anyway, he is rarely here.
His private office is in a suite at the Hotel Clovis.
Thank you.
Sir?
What is your name, please?
Vincent Dumarais. 
I am a writer.
Thank you, sir.
I will tell him that you want to see it.
Thank you. 
Good bye.
Good morning, sir.
- Good morning.
I have an appointment with Mr. Pormenor.
He does not usually come so early.
Though if you have an appointment, the suite 211.
Thank you sir. 
I've come early.
Why have you come that early?
Not to be late.
If you come on time to your meetings, young man, you will never succeed in life.
He is not there.
Thank you.
Key duplication
Tell me if you have any important messages for me
Let me see.
The only call you got was from your brother.
He can tell him go to hell.
This is exactly what I've been doing since a long time.
There is no need to hear his message.
This Saint-Julien was excellent.
You should probably drink less.
We are working this afternoon.
The more I drink at lunch, the better I work later.
Come, Bernadette.
I'm coming!
Would you like to work on publications of this literary season?
First, I would like to play.
Do you want me to close the door?
It's not necessary.
Damn! 
I have nothing scheduled!
We won't respond.
You waved to the doorman when you came.
He must have told you were there.
Go check who it is.
This is your wife.
Here at the door?
- Yes.
What a bloody nuisance!
She insists on seeing you.
Let her in.
Mrs. Pormenor.
Take a seat.
-I don't want to.
To what do I owe the honor?
I was just wondering what that is supposed to be.
Is it so unusual for me to be working in my office in daytime?
I can't manage to consider it normal even though it's not uncommon, when one doesn't come home for a night.
You know ups and downs in my profession are inevitable.
I wonder what these ups and downs can be.
Terribly boring things.
I don't want to burden you with that.
You didn't even call to reassure me.
I've messaged you.
This morning.
I was very busy last night.
No doubt.
After making sure I am alive, can you leave and let me work.
Laurent became ill.
Who is it?
Your son.
I have a son?
You have two.
And a daughter.
If you don't even remember that they exist ...
I'm not good at details.
What's wrong with the poor? 
A cold?
No.
He had an anger tantrum followed by fever.
Something neurotic.
He is hysterical. 
Like his mother.
I'll leave you with your important stuff.
However we can not go on like this.
This cleaning lady always lets her stuff here.
Bernadette, please accompany Ms. Pormenor to the exit.
Thanks for coming.
You should do something to prevent another pregnancy.
The world is overpopulated.
Don't worry, I know the way.
Let's get back to the game.
You have to leave now.
You have a meeting in half an hour with Mathieu Orfraie and the press in the bar Lutetia.
Tomorrow then.
- Tomorrow you will be here alone.
I will spend the whole day in the central office.
The work is the enemy of pleasure.
Come with me to Lutetia then.
I am always at your disposal, my boss.
Do not forget your panties.
I feel better without them.
Good evening, Vincent.
- Good evening, mother.
I was a bit worried when I didn't see as I came.
No reason to worry. 
I had some things to do.
How was your school today?
I wasn't there today.
Nor will I tomorrow.
Why that?
I have some important things to do.
Do not ask me which.
But you will return there after tomorrow?
Yep.
Could you write an excuse letter for being absent?
If it's only for two days, yes.
Thanks.
Do not worry, mom.
The Sacrifice of Isaac
I forgot she's not here today.
Yes?
It's me.
Who "me"?
Joseph, your brother.
You have no appointment.
Therefore I came early.
Not to disturb you.
You are very considerate.
I'll let you in.
Can I come in?
- Yes.
You can sit.
Good Morning.
- Good Morning.
I had never seen this office before.
Not bad, is not it?
Do you work here alone?
Obviously not.
I have a beautiful secretary, very all-around.
But today she is to the central bank.
What problem brought you here?
I have now a life project.
There is a farm for sale next to our house in Normandy.
I would like to buy it.
You, a farmer?
I have always been it in the heart.
Where we grew up was the only place I was happy.
You always got along with local peasants.
But what exactly do you want from me?
Could you lend me some money?
I knew it.
I've never asked you before.
I've always felt your accusation looks.
You are mistaken.
From hid point of view, dad had right to disinherit me.
He did consider me good for nothing, as someone who just skipped classes and was wasting his time with bad elements.
And who was also a drug addict.
This is an exaggeration.
I smoked now and then.
Dad looked at this through the lens of his generation.
Rather from his milieu.
Anyway I can not help you.
These are not my mistakes.
I agree.
But I spared you and Dad shame taking the name of my mother.
Now when I'm trying to give meaning to my life, you could at least recall that we are brothers.
I earned a living by the sweat of my brow.
And do not forget that I have a wife and five children to raise.
I have three children.
I don't care about details.
Your answer is no?
That's right. 
I am a man of principle.
Then I wish you to reap the fruits of your virtue.
Bye.
I'm sorry for bothering you.
Hallo sir.
- Hallo.
Sir?
- A coffee please.
Would you like an orange juice as well?
Yes. 
I got up early today.
Maybe do you want also a little croissant?
Why not, I have much to celebrate.
Do you have a newspaper?
- We have the Globe and Cherubin.
I'm taking the Globe.
The problem with the Globe that unlike Cherubin it contains yesterday's news.
It's OK. 
I haven't read them yet.
Hallo, sir.
- Hallo, sir.
Can I leave a message to deliver to Mr. Oscar Parmenor in the suite 211?
Delivering messages to hotel guests is part of my responsibilities.
Tell him, then, his wife and children, his three sons, they are waiting for him at the hotel bar.
Duly noted.
- Thank you.
Hello?
This is the concierge.
May I speak to Mr. Pormenor?
Don't you recognize my voice?
It may not be as recognizable as you think.
And you usually don't respond.
Why are you calling?
I have a message for you.
Your wife with the children are waiting at the bar.
What?
Your wife and children, to be exact, your three sons, are waiting for you at the bar.
But what the hell they are doing here?
I have no other information, sir.
I'm coming down.
Satan, ruler of the world, beware me of nasty things.
Idiot. 
That's a joke of him.
Oscar?
-Yes, it's me.
Jacques Tronson.
How are you?
Very well.
Listen, I can not speak openly on the phone, but you have a good chance at Rinaldo Award with the book of Camille Sanglot this season.
Can we meet somewhere?
Today at 17h at the Café de Flore.
Awesome.
- See you there.
What is it? 
Who are you?
Help!
Have you messed up anything?
No need to run so. 
You are calling attention.
Come along.
Where do you go?
- I do not know.
Let's get out of here.
You shouldn't stay in this quarter.
What is your name?
- Vincent.
I am Joseph.
Today I am free. 
Let's take a taxi.
Do you live with your parents?
- With my mom.
Do you get along with her?
- Yes.
That's nice.
And with your dad?
I have none.
I had one.
I am not sure that this is an advantage.
Have you a wife and kids?
No.
What's your profession?
I don't have any.
But I have done some things.
Having a profession is really necessary?
I believe so.
Now I would like to farm cows.
In Paris?
It is easier to farm cows in the country.
In Paris they would go mad.
Like people.
Why cows?
They are peaceful creatures.
Thank you.
I don't want to know what you did at the hotel.
But I hope that it will have no repercussions.
This is my phone number.
Do not hesitate to call me.
- Thank you.
Probably see you soon.
The carpenter
The editor Oscar Pormenor trapped
The writer Vincent Dumarais is suspected of an act of revenge
The literary world is unexpectedly ferocious.
The chef of Apoa is found by his secretary in his office, gaged and chained at his desk.
Pormenor suspects a writer Vincent Dumarais who attended the recent reception of Conlong Award won by Mathieu Orfraie.
Reportedly Dumarais threatened Pormenor with a knife.
Pormenor, however, couldn't tell the reason for the assault.
Hello Joseph?
Good evening.
Here is Vincent. 
Do you remember me?
We met yesterday.
Of course I remember you.
How are you?
So-so?
Of course we can see each other.
Tomorrow morning if you have no school.
How about Saturday after school for example?
Let's meet on Saturday at 12:30h in the Luxembourg Gardens.
There is a fountain there.
The first to come will be able to be marveling ducks.
I'll see ourselves on Saturday then.
Bye, Vincent.
Joseph?
Do you believe in God?
In my way, yes.
For this flaw I have been often criticized.
You know the story of the sacrifice of Abraham?
Yeah.
Do you think Abraham was right when he wanted to sacrifice his son?
No.
Even though it was God who asked him?
It wasn't God.
The voice he heard was his own.
The voice of Abraham?
Yes.
The voice of his pride.
And the angel who prohibited him to do that?
This was the voice of God.
Can I address you informally?
Yes.
You are a good man.
What makes you say that?
I felt it immediately.
What can cause someone to be good?
We need to hear the voice of God.
But where is he?
He is inside of us.
He commands us to love.
For the French bourgeoisie of the 19th century it was a representation of an ideal family.
You did not kill anyone?
- No.
Then it wouldn't be that serious.
Watching this lion taking its meal makes me feel hungry.
Let's have lunch.
Do you like soccer?
- Yes, a lot.
How do you call a football player?
So?
- A "footer".
Do you like people dubbed as "bobos" (bourgeois bohemians)?
I hate them.
- Me too.
How would you call the wife of a "bobo"?
No. 
How?
- A "bobelle".
Do you like the photo?
- Yes, much.
Next Wednesday is a holiday.
Let's go to the Louvre.
Joseph is working as a carpenter.
The little Jesus is watching his father work.
Joseph is not the father of Jesus.
- No, he is.
Through his son he became a father.
It is possible?
- Yes.
What kind of tool is that?
- A sort of a drill.
It has the shape of a cross to remind us how Jesus died.
It's sad.
No.
Jesus died because he heard God's voice.
Joseph?
How would you call a revolutionary nudist?
How?
- A "sans-culotte"!
This way.
OK.
Very good.
We proceed with the poem?
- Yes.
Epitaph
To death of Honorat de Bueil, the poet's son, who died in the service of the Queen, in the year 1652, at the age of about 16.
This son, whose youthful charm and vigor brought me back the joyful days of old
This son, my support in frailty of old age
A flower of the spring fallen without bearing fruits.
Three months of languishing without cease, drew him too early to the earth,
Beneath the colors of Grand Princess,
His age had barely reached twice of eight years
This century vaunts the burgeoning virtue
And the house of Bueil, once so florishing in it, now in its decline made the last effort ...
His mind was bright, his soul generous, and never grieved his illustrious and ill-fated house,
something like his death ...
Do you see, Euryalus?
The serenity, coming very late, in my winter days ...
Is it really you?
It's so cruel
Why did you abandon me ignoring your mother's wound?
How can she tell you her final words?
Oh no!
You lie in unknown lands, being prey of dogs and vultures ...
I did not conduct his funeral, not even took care of his body, nor closed his eyes and wiped his wounds ... nor covered him with a beautiful robe ...
That all night and day,
I was weaving frenetically requiting my fearful old age,
Hammering the threads on the loom ...
Where can I find him?
The land holds the flesh of his mutilated torso, lacerated and deprived of its parts?
Is this the fruit that remains to me from whom I followed by land and sea?
If you had no mercy with him, point your swords to me,
Rutulians!
Slay me first with blades!
Or you, my Father, most powerful of all gods, hurl your thunderbolts at me and fling me to Tartarus my ugly head!
I know no other way to get free of this cruel life...
Good evening, Vincent.
- Good evening, mom.
It is going to be nice tonight.
The light shining outside is very beautiful.
Today I could get off the hospital earlier than usual.
Maybe I can go to the movies tonight.
With whom you will go to the cinema?
I'm going on my own.
Isn't it sad for you?
No, I'm used to it.
Mom, can I invite a friend for dinner?
But of course!
I always keep telling you to invite your friends.
He is a very good person.
If he's your friend, I'm sure that he is a good person.
Saturday night is good?
- Yes, perfect.
Hi.
What are you doing here?
- I'm shopping for my mother.
We have a guest for dinner tonight.
You seem to be in a good shape.
You aren't. 
What is the problem?
My business is exhausting me.
I can not put up with demand.
Not even when I take Viagra.
Why don't you take a vacation?
Competition would take all my clients.
I wish you good luck then.
I forgot to ask you about the menu:
Is there anything that your friend does not like?
Don't worry. 
He is very quiet.
What does it mean?
- He likes everything.
And he is very punctual.
- Like me.
Punctual people never get anywhere in life.
Of course they do.
Go open the door.
- I am not ready here yet.
Open the door yourself.
- I don't know him.
So get familiar with him.
Good evening, sir. 
I think you've knocked on the wrong door.
Forgive me, I'm looking for ...
You're not Vincent's mother?
Yes. 
Is it you?
Yes.
- I'm sorry. 
Excuse me.
I thought he had invited a classmate.
Come in.
I'm Joseph.
This is Marie.
I think Vincent drinks Armagnac for the first time.
This is a special occasion.
If you don't have school tomorrow, it is permitted.
I hope you don't have to work tomorrow.
I don't.
So I will be able to take care of Vincent properly, and he will get a special treatment.
I work shifts, always during the week.
Your work, however, must be quite strenuous.
Sometimes.
I've also experienced very nice moments.
The whole world is like a big hospital with doctors and nurses looking after their patients.
On which side are you?
I am changing sides constantly.
Like we all.
What you're saying is true.
Joseph? 
How would you call a female medic?
A "medicine".
You're getting better with each time.
I had a wonderful night.
Thank you so much for everything.
We keep in touch, Vincent.
And maybe we see us soon.
Mom loves movies.
But she doesn't go often there, because I don't go with her.
I love cinema too.
But I don't like to go there alone.
Maybe sometimes we could go watch a movie together.
Why not?
I'll text you my mother's phone number.
All right. 
See you soon then.
I watched "Red Desert" many years ago when I was for the first time to Paris.
It was my first time.
Movies of that time always give us hope.
Even when their subject is gloomy.
I need hope to live.
Me too.
These days people tend to revolt because of despair.
Or rather cynicism.
They don't even realize their despair.
Do you know Vincent long?
No.
That's what I thought.
I don't know how you met, but lately
Vincent seems to look happier.
All the better.
I like a lot that kid.
I feel much affinity with him.
He carries a lot of pain inside.
I can guess.
Do you have a boyfriend?
- No.
I wanted to be Vincent's mother.
These two things are not mutually exclusive.
There was a time when I thought it was.
I've really enjoyed going to the movies with you tonight.
Me too.
Maybe we could do it once again.
Yes.
There are no ducks here.
- Nope.
Nothing is more mysterious than the bugs hidden in the mud.
In my grandparents' house in Touraine where we went in the summer, there was a mysterious pond.
When I was little, I believed it had no bottom.
And now do you no longer believe that?
- No.
Have you seen the bottom?
- No.
Why your childhood impressions could not be true?
I have heard one needs to grow.
Do you still go to your grandparents' house in Touraine?
Yes. 
In the summertime.
I like to go there.
I had there my happiest moments.
I see.
I grew up in the countryside.
In Normandy.
That's why you want to breed cows.
No doubt about that.
Vincent, why have you introduced me to your mother?
She really liked going to the movies with you the other night.
Me too.
But why did you introduce me?
I was told to do so.
Who told you to do this?
An angel.
If it was an angel, you had a good reason to listen to him.
This weekend I would like to invite you and your mother to Normandy.
I would like to show you the place where I come from.
It would be superb.
I'm sure, mom will like it.
I'll call her then and talk about it.
Let's take a walk there.
Flight to Egypt
I grew up in Touraine, which is a lovely region but rather insular.
The littoral area is open.
You are open-minded.
Anyway, I felt isolated in my area.
Can you believe that I have never seen the sea until I was seventeen?
And you, Vincent?
When have you discovered the sea?
Mom always told me much about it.
It was important to her that I saw it.
How old was I when we went to Honfleur?
Twelve. 
We could go back there anytime.
In summer we always went to my parents' house.
We went to Honfleur for the Christmas holidays.
Yes, it was in winter. 
It was wonderful.
I would like to show you the place where I grew up.
It is very beautiful in the spring.
Come on!
There are the cows in my region.
I hope to overcome my difficulties and establish a dairy farm.
They are so fascinating.
Don't you care that they are jealous?
Cows are more serene than us.
They don't get jealous.
Now I want to show you my house.
There will be no one there and I have a key.
What is it?
All these Parisian cars ...
Certainly my brother has invaded the place.
I don't want to see him nor his guests.
We will park farther and walk through the woods.
At least we can see it from outside.
Here they are.
Wait behind that bush.
Let's enter the house through the side door, I'm sure to have left it open.
While they are out here, I'll show you inside.
Anyway, I have the right to enter my house.
Oscar! 
You should be more discreet.
Why? 
I'm home with my friends.
And if any paparazzi?
You're kidding - they don't know this place.
Hello Bernadette!
I've recently talked to Nathalie Sarraute.
She is dead.
When is her funeral?
Are you enjoying the party, aren't you, Violette?
Of course I am.
Tell me, Oscar, we are at Closerie or Flore?
We are at the writer's paradise.
Come on, Violette. 
I will introduce you to Marcel Proust.
I will interview him. 
But here among us, lately he has not been as good as he was before.
This was my room.
I was happy and I cried here.
This is me with my mother.
She died when I was seven.
Let me show you the room where I used to play with my brother.
We should better go.
A ghost?
- At first I thought it was my imagination.
But there is a ghost up there.
A ghost, no way.
But thieves are possible.
I knew it! 
It's a paparazzi!
Let's look with our own eyes.
Come, Violette! 
We will find a paparazzi!
Where's Vincent?
- I don't know.
I thought, he was following me.
Vincent Dumarais!
A little bastard! 
Now we will get you!
Run!
Police are chasing us.
What have we done wrong?
You were in your own home.
It's me whom they are after.
- You?
The helicopter is for our sake?
- I think so.
After this corner there is a way.
I will hide the car there.
It will be easier to escape them on foot.
Did you get hurt?
No, but my feet defy me.
I'm not wearing suitable shoes for a fugitive.
We need to get to the shore.
There are places to hide away.
There's a man coming with a donkey.
He's a good man.
How do you know?
- I feel.
Hallo, sir.
Hallo. 
Are you hanging around here?
More or less.
The helicopter was after you.
Yeah.
My father was in the Resistance.
He told me many stories.
You are not the first to seek refuge here.
We should continue on our way.
Are we close to the coast?
If you keep going down this path, you will reach the beach.
Could you lend us your donkey, sir?
My mother is very tired.
If you promise to return it to me.
He is my friend.
I promise, sir.
After all, he always returns home.
I'll leave him with you then.
Resist.
Hands up! 
Get off the donkey!
Face to the sea!
Search them.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
- You!
Come with us.
Stay with them.
Is it him?
- Yes, it is him. 
Vincent Dumarais.
Even though this is not his real name.
Who are the others with him?
Bring them.
Who are you, madame, to this young man?
His mother.
And you, sir?
His father.
I made a mistake.
Pardon?
- This is not that boy.
What?
I said that this is not the boy who attacked me.
I won't file complaint against him.
But the instant before you were sure that it was him.
All young people of his generation look similar.
Now I know I made a mistake.
In this case we can only apologize to these people.
I'm sorry.
Let's retrieve the donkey.
Editing subtitles: sahara111 aka Gram Zeppi

6x06 "Blood of My Blood" tusubtitulo
Burn them all!
Where's my sister?
Burn them all!
Please.
Burn them. 
Burn them all!
Burn them all!
Meera.
They found us.
I'm so sorry.
Come with me, now.
The dead don't rest.
It's so green.
Oh, yes.
Once you get south of the Riverlands, very different sorts of trees start to take over.
Maple, elm, beech, poplar.
The odd willow.
And of course now that summer's over, you'll start seeing the autumn colors coming in.
Still, you'll find more green here than anywhere else.
You're nervous. 
You're a nervous talker.
That's not any better being a nervous mute.
I didn't think I'd ever come back here after my father made me renounce my title and inheritance and, well, threaten to kill me if I didn't.
A person just doesn't feel welcome at that point.
And I certainly didn't expect to be introducing him to my family.
So you know what to tell them.
That Little Sam is your baby.
Yes, now that's very important.
If he thinks that Little Sam is his grandchild, he'll take you in.
He'll get an education.
He'll learn to read.
And you can help teach him. 
Huh?
What did you tell your family about me?
I told them I met you in the North.
Did you tell them how far north?
Well, it wasn't a very large piece of parchment.
You didn't tell them where I'm really from?
You didn't tell them I'm a wildling?
The thing is... my father doesn't like wildlings.
He hoped I'd make a man of myself by "killing some bloody wildlings"
so it's probably a good subject to avoid if at all possible.
I... think we're here.
Sam.
Oh, Sam.
Oh, hello, Mother.
I never thought I'd see you again.
You look wonderful.
Talla?
Gods, you're a woman now.
Father says I have to marry Symun Fossoway.
- He has yellow teeth...
- That's enough, Talla.
Oh... 
Mother, this is Gilly.
Oh, my.
You are lovely.
I am happy to know you, Lady Tarly.
Oh, and this, this is our son Samwell.
Hello, little one.
It's me, your grandmother.
May I hold him?
Yes, of course.
You have a curious mind, I can tell.
You'll be a scholar like your father.
Where is Father?
And Dickon?
They're on a hunt.
They'll join us for dinner.
Come inside. 
Such a journey.
You must be exhausted.
Come, you'll be wanting a bath after all that travel.
Oh, and a dress for dinner.
You can wear one of mine.
What's... what's your color?
Midnight blue or silver?
Silver, maybe. 
Come.
You can choose one of my bedrooms if you want.
Is there no other way?
You're afraid for her?
Of course I'm afraid for her!
It just seems very dangerous.
She'll be protected the entire way.
The Faith Militant are very stern with those who overstep their bounds.
And Queen Margaery isn't your mother.
I suspect the gods will predispose the common people to gentleness on her behalf.
She's truly opened her heart to them.
She's always been very devoted to the poor and the unfortunate.
And now she's devoted to the gods as well.
Would you like to see her?
Have they hurt you?
Have they mistreated you?
- No, Your Grace.
- I've missed you.
More than you could know.
We'll be together again soon and everything will be better than it was before.
Better how?
Soon the... walk of atonement.
He says there's no other way.
Have you spoken to him at all, the High Sparrow?
Yes, a few times.
Have you?
Yes, I have.
He's not quite what we thought he was, is he?
You think I'm mad.
I sound mad.
No. 
No, you don't.
You... you could never.
You're right, he's not.
He's a lot more...
He is.
There's something about him.
His way of looking at the world.
It's not an easy thing admitting to yourself what you really are.
It's taken me a while.
He's helped me.
What are you talking about?
You're a good person. 
You've always been a good person.
You're the best person I know.
I was just telling him about your devotion to the poor.
Ah, yes, I visited their hovels and I fed them soup and I made sure I was seen doing it.
I never gave them what they really needed, though.
I've had lots of time to think about how good I was at seeming good.
All those stories I told myself about who I was and why I did the things I did.
There were so many lies in those stories.
I don't understand.
It's all right. 
It really is.
It's such a relief to let go of those lies.
What about Loras?
I love my brother.
I will always love my brother.
His soul is pure and perfect.
His sins don't erase that purity, they only obscure it.
He just needs to atone for them.
We all do.
Sooner or later, one way or another.
The gods have a plan for us all.
It's hard to walk in this.
It's beautiful.
You're beautiful.
This venison, it's very tasty.
Is it from today's hunt?
Well, no.
We haven't been able to cure that one yet.
This is last week's.
Oh, of course. 
Sorry.
Long journey.
Brought it down from 70 yards.
One shot.
Oh, that's... that's a fair distance.
So do you do much hunting up at the Wall?
Oh, yes. 
Yes.
A good amount.
North of the Wall, you don't hunt, you don't eat.
Mostly deer or is it elk as well?
Rabbits.
Sometimes squirrels.
I say "we," it's my friend Jon mostly.
Sometimes Edd.
Oh, and Gilly.
She's... she's quite a good hunter as well.
Huntress.
I imagine it's common where you're from.
We once met a man, Lord Umber from Last Hearth, wasn't it, Randyll, who said he taught all his daughters how to hunt.
Your father taught you to hunt?
Our father would never teach us.
I think our father could learn a thing or two from your father.
That's enough of that.
Samwell, would you care for more bread?
Oh, yes. 
Yes, please.
Thank you, Mother.
Not fat enough already?
I travelled south under orders from the Lord Commander.
- He wants me to...
- I read your letter.
You're to be a maester.
Yes.
And once I have my chain,
I'll return to Castle Black.
I thought the Night's Watch might make a man of you.
Something resembling a man at least.
You managed to stay soft and fat.
Your nose buried in books.
Spending your life reading about the achievements of better men.
I'll wager you still can't sit a horse or wield a sword.
Randyll, to be maester of the Night's Watch is a great honor.
He can wield a sword.
He killed a Thenn.
He killed a white walker.
There's no such thing.
I saw it with my own eyes on our way down to Castle Black.
He drove a dagger into the walker's heart.
He risked his own life to save mine more than once.
He's a greater warrior than either of you will ever be.
Your way down to Castle Black?
Where did he kill a white walker?
Where are you from?
How'd you come to meet my son?
The Night's Watch came to our keep.
- Where?
- Gilly.
- North of the Wall.
- North of the Wall?
You're a wildling.
The Seven Kingdoms have waged war against these savages for centuries and here I sit hosting one in my hall thanks to my son.
See that sword?
It's called Heartsbane.
It's been in our family for 500 years.
It's Valyrian steel.
Only a handful of them left in the world.
It's supposed to go to my firstborn son after I die.
To him.
He will never wield that sword.
If he were to become Lord Tarly of Horn Hill, it would be the end of this house.
I took you for a Mole's Town whore when I saw you and I made my peace with that.
Who else would have him?
But I overestimated him.
No.
It was a wildling whore that seduced my son.
This you getting back at me, boy?
Bringing that to my table and making me dine with it?
And you got what you were after, didn't you?
A bastard. 
A half-breed bastard.
Your invitation into our home.
Come, my dear. 
Talla.
I've lost my appetite.
He dishonors us.
You dishonor yourself.
Your mother's a fine woman.
You're not worthy of her.
To please her, I'll take the wildling in. 
She can work in the kitchens.
The bastard will be raised here.
But this will be the last night you ever spend at Horn Hill.
I'm sorry I let him treat you that way.
I was afraid he'd turn you and Little Sam away.
I'm not angry at you.
I'm angry that horrible people can treat good people that way and get away with it.
When do you have to go?
First light.
Say good-bye to him for me.
You're not what he thinks you are, Sam.
He doesn't know what you are.
Good-bye, Gilly.
- Sam?
- We're leaving.
- What?
- Get your things.
I don't have any things.
- What are you doing?
- We belong together.
All of us.
What about your mother and sister?
Oh, they'll understand.
Your sister's dress.
She won't mind.
Looks better on you anyway.
Sam.
That's your father's sword.
It's my family's sword.
Sam.
Won't he come for it?
He can bloody well try.
The lion and the rose are one.
I thank the gods above.
And to you, my beauteous bride,
I pledge undying love.
Hail King Joffrey. 
Hail Queen Margaery.
I'll drink a toast to my new queen, for there is no one fairer.
Dear Uncle, will you share my joy and be my royal cupbearer?
Drink long and deep, my noble king, from this cup of sweet wine.
The last drink he shall ever take.
And vengeance shall be mine.
Poison!
Murder!
I gasp. 
I... 
I die.
I limp.
And it was he that poisoned me.
My evil Uncle Imp.
Calm down, dear.
My firstborn son.
My golden lion foully, falsely slain.
I pray you found a lasting peace free from strife and pain.
Hear my prayer, O cruel gods.
Take my life instead.
For I cannot face another day when my sweet boy is dead.
Oh, woe.
Oh, grief.
Oh, darkest day, my heart is full of sorrow.
All hope is lost.
All joy is gone.
And there is no tomorrow.
What is that I hear and smell?
Someone I'll soon send to hell.
It's time to see if truth they told who said Tywin Lannister shits gold.
You beast. 
You beast.
You killed my wife and now you've taken your father's life.
No worse child ever stained this land.
Curse the day I named you.
My greatest crime. 
Now I must flee.
Then sail across the Narrow Sea to do unto you more treachery.
Don't fear winter. 
Fear me!
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Bianca,
Clarenzo.
I give you Bobono.
I give you Camello.
And last but not least, sweet Lady Crane.
Give this a good beating. 
Shake those fleas out. 
That's a dear.
That crowd was shit.
Girl.
What are you doing back here?
Nothing.
I saw you the other day in the audience.
How many times have you seen this stupid play?
Three times.
Did you pay?
No.
I remember when the players came to my village.
I didn't have any money, so I snuck in.
Just like you.
Saw the painted faces, the costumes, listened to the songs, cried when the young lovers died in each other's arms.
I ran off and joined them the next day, never looked back.
You're very good.
My final speech is shit.
But to be fair to myself, which I always like to be, the writing's no good.
So change it.
It would all just be farting, belching, and slapping without you.
How would you change it?
The queen loves her son more than anything.
And he was taken from her before she could say good-bye.
She wouldn't just cry.
She would be angry.
She would want to kill the person who did this to her.
What's your name?
Mercy.
You have very expressive eyes, Mercy.
Wonderful eyebrows.
Do you like pretending to be other people?
I have to go. 
My father's waiting for me.
Lady Crane, they loved you.
They were sweet. 
Or drunk.
Drunkenly sweet.
No laugh for Ned's death.
These people are worse than animals.
But they loved her. 
They all love her.
Yes, you are adored by people and animals alike.
I do what I can with what I'm given.
With what you're given?
Well, I was thinking...
Oh, we're all thinkers now, are we?
Full to the tits with ideas.
- I didn't mean...
- You have ideas, I have ideas, he has ideas.
Why should my ideas have any more value than yours simply because I've been doing this my whole life?
Who is anyone to judge my work?
This is my profession.
I know what I'm doing.
You have no right to an opinion.
Careful of that one.
She wants you dead.
And?
As I expected.
A shame.
A girl had many gifts.
You promised me.
Don't let her suffer.
Company, halt!
My lord.
My lord.
My friends, the hour has come.
Madness has overtaken this city and grasped in its claws my children.
But now we must drive it back under the rocks whence it came.
Madness has had its day!
Forward, march!
Rich or poor, noble or common, if we sin, we must atone.
Margaery of House Tyrell came to us a sinner.
She stood before the gods in the holy sept and lied.
She turned a blind eye to her brother's sins.
She disgraced her house, her king, and herself.
Company, halt!
Face front!
Turn!
Lord Tyrell.
Ser Jaime.
Sorry to interrupt.
We're here for Queen Margaery and Ser Loras Tyrell.
Give them to us and we'll be on our way.
I don't have the authority to give them to you.
And you don't have the authority to take them.
That's right.
Lock spears!
I speak for King Tommen of House Baratheon, First of His Name.
The gods don't recognize his authority in this matter.
You've already insulted one great house.
It won't happen twice.
Every last sparrow will die before Margaery Tyrell walks down that street.
To die in the service of the gods would please each and every one of us.
We yearn for it.
But there is no call for it today.
There will be no walk of atonement.
Order up.
Queen Margaery has already atoned for her sins by bringing another into the true light of the Seven.
Together we announce a new age of harmony.
A holy alliance between the Crown and the Faith.
Long live King Tommen and bless you, Queen Margaery!
The Crown and the Faith are the twin pillars upon which the world rests.
Together we will restore the Seven Kingdoms to glory.
What's happening?
He's beaten us.
That's what's happening.
When you attack the Faith, you attack the Crown.
Anyone who attacks the Crown is unfit to serve as Lord Commander of the Kingsguard.
I've been a member of the Kingsguard since before you were born.
You don't have to do this. 
You don't have to do anything.
I have to answer to the gods.
Not when you're sitting in that chair.
The Crown's decision on this matter is final.
Will I be walking naked in the streets?
Or will I spend a few months in the sept dungeons first to teach me about the gods' mercy?
You have served your house and your king faithfully for many years.
And you will continue to do so.
But not in this city.
You've lost it?
Yes, Father.
It's a castle, not a bloody sheep.
Presumably you still know where it is.
You didn't lose Riverrun.
You let the Blackfish take it from you.
He surprised us. 
He knows the castle better than anyone.
You did lose the Blackfish after the Red Wedding.
You had him right here in this hall and you let him leave.
Then when I told you to hunt him down and kill him, you couldn't find him.
That's what it means to lose something.
Now he's come back and taken Riverrun.
I don't think it's fair to blame us...
For 300 years we kissed Tully boots, swore oaths to them and their stinking fish banners.
Not again. 
Riverrun is ours.
Take it back!
We don't have the men.
We've got 10 times as many men as the damn Blackfish.
The Mallisters have risen against us.
And the Blackwoods.
The Brotherhood Without Banners is rallying the commoners against us, raiding our supply trains and camps.
Riverrun can withstand a siege for a year.
If I want excuses, I'll put her in charge.
They're laughing at us.
All across the Riverlands right down to King's Landing, they're laughing at us.
I hear it in my sleep!
I'm not dead yet, unfortunately for you.
And I'll not leave this world until they all choke on that laughter.
Take that castle back.
He'll never yield, Father.
Oh, he'll yield.
You'll show him the knife you used to kill Robb Stark's child in his whore mother's belly, and you'll show him the knife you used to open his niece's throat.
And you'll remind him who it was that got married at the Red Wedding in the first place.
His nephew.
Cheer up, Lord Edmure.
You're going home.
I'm being sent to deal with the Blackfish.
Apparently Walder Frey can't manage it on his own because he's 400 years old.
Sent me with an army to the Riverlands and a siege that could last months.
Better you're elsewhere at the head of an army than in the sept dungeons.
I'm not going to the Riverlands.
What, then?
I'm going to give Bronn the largest bag of gold anyone's ever seen and have him gather the best killers he knows.
I'll take them to the sept and I'll remove the High Sparrow's head and every other sparrow head I can find.
- You can't.
- He has our son! 
He stole our son!
He's torn our family apart.
How should we treat people who tear us apart?
We should treat them without mercy and we will.
But if you kill the High Sparrow, you won't leave the sept alive.
And without you, this is all for nothing.
Stand at the head of our army where you belong, where Father wanted you.
Show our men where their loyalties belong.
Show them what Lannisters are, what we do to our enemies.
And take that stupid little castle back because it's ours and because you can.
You'll stand trial soon. 
I need to be here for you.
It will be a trial by combat.
I have the Mountain.
They've made us both stronger, all of them.
They have no idea how strong we are.
No idea what we're going to do to them.
We've always been together.
We'll always be together.
We're the only two people in the world.
Why did you help us?
The Three-Eyed Raven sent for me.
The Three-Eyed Raven's dead.
Now he lives again.
When I last saw you, you were a boy.
A fearless boy.
Loved to climb the castle walls, frighten his mother.
Who are you?
Uncle Benjen.
The last letter Jon wrote me said you had been lost beyond the Wall.
I led a ranging party deep into the North to find white walkers.
They found us.
A white walker stabbed me in the gut with a sword of ice.
Left me there to die.
To turn.
The Children found me.
Stopped the walker's magic from taking hold.
How?
The same way they made the walkers in the first place.
You saw it yourself.
Dragonglass.
A shard of dragonglass plunged into your heart.
You are the Three-Eyed Raven now.
I didn't have time to learn.
I can't control anything.
You must learn to control it before the Night King comes.
Drink.
One way or another, he will find his way to the world of men.
When he does, you will be there waiting for him.
And you will be ready.
Everything all right?
How many days' ride to Meereen?
A week at best.
How many ships will I need to bring my khalasar to Westeros?
Dothraki and all their horses, the Unsullied, the Second Sons... a 1,000 ships easily.
- Probably more.
- And who has that many?
Nobody.
Nobody yet.
So we ride for Meereen and after that we sail for Westeros.
And what then?
I take what is mine.
You weren't made to sit on a chair in a palace.
What was I made for?
You're a conqueror, Daenerys Stormborn.
Wait here.

Burn them all!
Where's my sister?
Burn them all!
Please.
Burn them. 
Burn them all!
Burn them all!
Meera.
They found us.
I'm so sorry.
Come with me, now.
The dead don't rest.
It's so green.
Oh, yes.
Once you get south of the Riverlands, very different sorts of trees start to take over.
Maple, elm, beech, poplar.
The odd willow.
And of course now that summer's over, you'll start seeing the autumn colors coming in.
Still, you'll find more green here than anywhere else.
You're nervous.
You're a nervous talker.
That's not any better being a nervous mute.
I didn't think I'd ever come back here after my father made me renounce my title and inheritance and, well, threaten to kill me if I didn't.
A person just doesn't feel welcome at that point.
And I certainly didn't expect to be introducing him to my family.
So you know what to tell them.
That Little Sam is your baby.
Yes, now that's very important.
If he thinks that Little Sam is his grandchild, he'll take you in.
He'll get an education.
He'll learn to read.
And you can help teach him. 
Huh?
What did you tell your family about me?
I told them I met you in the North.
Did you tell them how far north?
Well, it wasn't a very large piece of parchment.
You didn't tell them where I'm really from?
You didn't tell them I'm a wildling?
The thing is... my father doesn't like wildlings.
He hoped I'd make a man of myself by "killing some bloody wildlings,"
so it's probably a good subject to avoid if at all possible.
I think we're here.
Sam.
Oh, Sam.
Oh, hello, Mother.
I never thought I'd see you again.
- You look wonderful.
- Oh.
Talla?
Gods, you're a woman now.
Father says I have to marry Symun Fossoway.
- He has yellow teeth-- 
- That's enough, Talla.
Oh, um, Mother, this is Gilly.
Oh, my.
You are lovely.
I am happy to know you, Lady Tarly.
Oh, and this, this is our son Samwell.
Hello, little one.
It's me, your grandmother.
May I hold him?
Yes, of course.
Oh.
You have a curious mind, I can tell.
You'll be a scholar like your father.
Where is Father?
And Dickon?
They're on a hunt.
They'll join us for dinner.
Come inside.
Such a journey.
You must be exhausted.
Come, you'll be wanting a bath after all that travel.
Oh, and a dress for dinner.
You can wear one of mine.
What's your color?
Midnight blue or silver?
Silver, maybe.
Come.
You can choose one of my bedrooms if you want.
Is there no other way?
You're afraid for her?
Of course I'm afraid for her!
It just seems very dangerous.
She'll be protected the entire way.
The Faith Militant are very stern with those who overstep their bounds.
And Queen Margaery isn't your mother.
I suspect the gods will predispose the common people to gentleness on her behalf.
She's truly opened her heart to them.
She's always been very devoted to the poor and the unfortunate.
And now she's devoted to the gods as well.
Would you like to see her?
Have they hurt you?
Have they mistreated you?
- No, Your Grace.
- I've missed you.
More than you could know.
We'll be together again soon and everything will be better than it was before.
Better how?
Soon the-- walk of atonement.
He says there's no other way.
Have you spoken to him at all, the High Sparrow?
Yes, a few times.
Have you?
Yes, I have.
He's not quite what we thought he was, is he?
You think I'm mad.
I sound mad.
No.
No, you don't.
You-- you could never.
You're right, he's not.
He's a lot more--
He is.
There's something about him.
His way of looking at the world.
It's not an easy thing admitting to yourself what you really are.
It's taken me a while.
He's helped me.
What are you talking about?
You're a good person. 
You've always been a good person.
You're the best person I know.
I was just telling him about your devotion to the poor.
Ah, yes, I visited their hovels and I fed them soup and I made sure I was seen doing it.
I never gave them what they really needed, though.
I've had lots of time to think about how good I was at seeming good.
All those stories I told myself about who I was and why I did the things I did.
There were so many lies in those stories.
I don't understand.
It's all right.
It really is.
It's such a relief to let go of those lies.
What about Loras?
I love my brother.
I will always love my brother.
His soul is pure and perfect.
His sins don't erase that purity, they only obscure it.
He just needs to atone for them.
We all do.
Sooner or later, one way or another.
The gods have a plan for us all.
It's hard to walk in this.
It's beautiful.
You're beautiful.
This venison, it's very tasty.
Is it from today's hunt?
Well, no.
We haven't been able to cure that one yet.
This is last week's.
Oh, of course.
Sorry.
Long journey.
Brought it down from 70 yards.
One shot.
Oh, that's a fair distance.
So do you do much hunting up at the Wall?
Oh, yes.
Yes.
A good amount.
North of the Wall, you don't hunt, you don't eat.
Mm-hmm.
Mostly deer or is it elk as well?
Rabbits.
Sometimes squirrels.
I say "we," it's my friend Jon mostly.
Sometimes Edd.
Oh, and Gilly.
She's-- she's quite a good hunter as well.
Um, huntress.
I imagine it's common where you're from.
We once met a man, Lord Umber from Last Hearth, wasn't it, Randyll, who said he taught all his daughters how to hunt.
Your father taught you to hunt?
Our father would never teach us.
I think our father could learn a thing or two from your father.
That's enough of that.
Samwell, would you care for more bread?
Oh, yes.
Yes, please.
Thank you, Mother.
Not fat enough already?
I travelled south under orders from the Lord Commander.
- He wants me to-- 
- I read your letter.
You're to be a maester.
Yes.
And once I have my chain,
I'll return to Castle Black.
I thought the Night's Watch might make a man of you.
Something resembling a man at least.
You managed to stay soft and fat.
Your nose buried in books.
Spending your life reading about the achievements of better men.
I'll wager you still can't sit a horse or wield a sword.
Randyll, to be maester of the Night's Watch is a great honor.
He can wield a sword.
He killed a Thenn.
He killed a white walker.
There's no such thing.
I saw it with my own eyes on our way down to Castle Black.
He drove a dagger into the walker's heart.
He risked his own life to save mine more than once.
He's a greater warrior than either of you will ever be.
Your way down to Castle Black?
Where did he kill a white walker?
Where are you from?
How'd you come to meet my son?
The Night's Watch came to our keep.
- Where?
- Gilly.
- North of the Wall.
- North of the Wall?
You're a wildling.
The Seven Kingdoms have waged war against these savages for centuries and here I sit hosting one in my hall thanks to my son.
See that sword?
It's called Heartsbane.
It's been in our family for 500 years.
It's Valyrian steel.
Only a handful of them left in the world.
It's supposed to go to my firstborn son after I die.
To him.
He will never wield that sword.
If he were to become Lord Tarly of Horn Hill, it would be the end of this house.
I took you for a Mole's Town whore when I saw you and I made my peace with that.
Who else would have him?
But I overestimated him.
No.
It was a wildling whore that seduced my son.
This you getting back at me, boy?
Hmm? 
Bringing that to my table and making me dine with it?
And you got what you were after, didn't you?
A bastard.
A half-breed bastard.
Your invitation into our home.
Come, my dear.
Talla.
I've lost my appetite.
He dishonors us.
You dishonor yourself.
Your mother's a fine woman.
You're not worthy of her.
To please her, I'll take the wildling in.
She can work in the kitchens.
The bastard will be raised here.
But this will be the last night you ever spend at Horn Hill.
I'm sorry I let him treat you that way.
I was afraid he'd turn you and Little Sam away.
I'm not angry at you.
I'm angry that horrible people can treat good people that way and get away with it.
When do you have to go?
First light.
Say good-bye to him for me.
You're not what he thinks you are, Sam.
He doesn't know what you are.
Good-bye, Gilly.
- Sam?
- We're leaving.
- What?
- Get your things.
I don't have any things.
- What are you doing?
- We belong together.
All of us.
What about your mother and sister?
Oh, they'll understand.
Your sister's dress.
She won't mind.
Looks better on you anyway.
Sam.
That's your father's sword.
It's my family's sword.
Sam.
Won't he come for it?
He can bloody well try.
The lion and the rose are one.
I thank the gods above.
And to you, my beauteous bride,
I pledge undying love.
Hail King Joffrey.
Hail Queen Margaery.
I'll drink a toast to my new queen, for there is no one fairer.
Dear Uncle, will you share my joy and be my royal cupbearer?
Drink long and deep, my noble king, from this cup of sweet wine.
The last drink he shall ever take.
And vengeance shall be mine.
Poison!
Murder!
I gasp.
I-
- I die.
I limp.
And it was he that poisoned me.
My evil Uncle Imp.
Calm down, dear.
My firstborn son.
My golden lion foully, falsely slain.
I pray you found a lasting peace free from strife and pain.
Hear my prayer, O cruel gods.
Take my life instead.
For I cannot face another day when my sweet boy is dead.
Oh, woe.
Oh, grief.
Oh, darkest day, my heart is full of sorrow.
All hope is lost.
All joy is gone.
And there is no tomorrow.
What is that I hear and smell?
Someone I'll soon send to hell.
It's time to see if truth they told who said Tywin Lannister shits gold.
You beast.
You beast.
You killed my wife and now you've taken your father's life.
No worse child ever stained this land.
Curse the day I named you.
My greatest crime.
Now I must flee.
Then sail across the Narrow Sea to do unto you more treachery.
Don't fear winter.
Fear me!
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Bianca,
Clarenzo.
I give you Bobono.
I give you Camello.
And last but not least, sweet Lady Crane.
Give this a good beating. 
Shake those fleas out. 
That's a dear.
That crowd was shit.
Girl.
What are you doing back here?
Nothing.
I saw you the other day in the audience.
How many times have you seen this stupid play?
Three times.
Did you pay?
No.
I remember when the players came to my village.
I didn't have any money, so I snuck in.
Just like you.
Saw the painted faces, the costumes, listened to the songs, cried when the young lovers died in each other's arms.
I ran off and joined them the next day, never looked back.
You're very good.
My final speech is shit.
But to be fair to myself, which I always like to be, the writing's no good.
So change it.
It would all just be farting, belching, and slapping without you.
How would you change it?
The queen loves her son more than anything.
And he was taken from her before she could say good-bye.
She wouldn't just cry.
She would be angry.
She would want to kill the person who did this to her.
What's your name?
Mercy.
You have very expressive eyes, Mercy.
Wonderful eyebrows.
Do you like pretending to be other people?
I have to go. 
My father's waiting for me.
Lady Crane, they loved you.
They were sweet.
Or drunk.
Drunkenly sweet.
No laugh for Ned's death.
These people are worse than animals.
But they loved her.
They all love her.
Yes, you are adored by people and animals alike.
I do what I can with what I'm given.
With what you're given?
Well, I was thinking--
Oh, we're all thinkers now, are we?
Full to the tits with ideas.
- I didn't mean-- 
- You have ideas, I have ideas, he has ideas.
Why should my ideas have any more value than yours simply because I've been doing this my whole life?
Who is anyone to judge my work?
This is my profession.
I know what I'm doing.
You have no right to an opinion.
Careful of that one.
She wants you dead.
And?
As I expected.
A shame.
A girl had many gifts.
You promised me.
Don't let her suffer.
Company, halt!
My lord.
My lord.
My friends, the hour has come.
Madness has overtaken this city and grasped in its claws my children.
But now we must drive it back under the rocks whence it came.
Madness has had its day!
Forward, march!
Rich or poor, noble or common, if we sin, we must atone.
Margaery of House Tyrell came to us a sinner.
She stood before the gods in the holy sept and lied.
She turned a blind eye to her brother's sins.
She disgraced her house, her king, and herself.
Company, halt!
Face front!
Turn!
Lord Tyrell.
Ser Jaime.
Sorry to interrupt.
We're here for Queen Margaery and Ser Loras Tyrell.
Give them to us and we'll be on our way.
I don't have the authority to give them to you.
And you don't have the authority to take them.
That's right.
Hyah.
Lockspears!
I speak for King Tommen of House Baratheon, First of His Name.
The gods don't recognize his authority in this matter.
You've already insulted one great house.
It won't happen twice.
Every last sparrow will die before Margaery Tyrell walks down that street.
To die in the service of the gods would please each and every one of us.
We yearn for it.
But there is no call for it today.
There will be no walk of atonement.
Order up.
Queen Margaery has already atoned for her sins by bringing another into the true light of the Seven.
Together we announce a new age of harmony.
A holy alliance between the Crown and the Faith.
Long live King Tommen and bless you, Queen Margaery!
The Crown and the Faith are the twin pillars upon which the world rests.
Together we will restore the Seven Kingdoms to glory.
What's happening?
He's beaten us.
That's what's happening.
When you attack the Faith, you attack the Crown.
Anyone who attacks the Crown is unfit to serve as Lord Commander of the Kingsguard.
I've been a member of the Kingsguard since before you were born.
You don't have to do this.
You don't have to do anything.
I have to answer to the gods.
Not when you're sitting in that chair.
The Crown's decision on this matter is final.
Will I be walking naked in the streets?
Or will I spend a few months in the sept dungeons first to teach me about the gods' mercy?
You have served your house and your king faithfully for many years.
And you will continue to do so.
But not in this city.
You've lost it?
Yes, Father.
It's a castle, not a bloody sheep.
Presumably you still know where it is.
You didn't lose Riverrun.
You let the Blackfish take it from you.
He surprised us. 
He knows the castle better than anyone.
You did lose the Blackfish after the Red Wedding.
You had him right here in this hall and you let him leave.
Then when I told you to hunt him down and kill him, you couldn't find him.
That's what it means to lose something.
Now he's come back and taken Riverrun.
I don't think it's fair to blame us--
For 300 years we kissed Tully boots, swore oaths to them and their stinking fish banners.
Not again.
Riverrun is ours.
Take it back.
We don't have the men.
We've got 10 times as many men as the damn Blackfish.
TheMallistershave risen against us. 
And the Blackwoods.
TheBrotherhoodWithoutBanners is rallying the commoners against us, raiding our supply trains and camps.
Riverrun can withstand a siege for a year.
If I want excuses, I'll put her in charge.
They're laughing at us.
All across the Riverlands right down to King's Landing, they're laughing at us.
I hear it in my sleep!
I'm not dead yet, unfortunately for you.
And I'll not leave this world until they all choke on that laughter.
Take that castle back.
He'll never yield, Father.
Oh, he'll yield.
You'll show him the knife you used to kill Robb Stark's child in his whore mother's belly, and you'll show him the knife you used to open his niece's throat.
And you'll remind him who it was that got married at the Red Wedding in the first place.
His nephew.
Cheer up, Lord Edmure.
You're going home.
I'm being sent to deal with the Blackfish.
Apparently Walder Frey can't manage it on his own because he's 400 years old.
Sent me with an army to the Riverlands and a siege that could last months.
Better you're elsewhere at the head of an army than in the sept dungeons.
I'm not going to the Riverlands.
What, then?
I'm going to give Bronn the largest bag of gold anyone's ever seen and have him gather the best killers he knows.
I'll take them to the sept and I'll remove the High Sparrow's head and every other sparrow head I can find.
- You can't.
- He has our son! 
He stole our son!
He's torn our family apart.
How should we treat people who tear us apart?
We should treat them without mercy and we will.
But if you kill the High Sparrow, you won't leave the sept alive.
And without you, this is all for nothing.
Stand at the head of our army where you belong, where Father wanted you.
Show our men where their loyalties belong.
Show them what Lannisters are, what we do to our enemies.
And take that stupid little castle back because it's ours and because you can.
You'll stand trial soon.
I need to be here for you.
It will be a trial by combat.
I have the Mountain.
They've made us both stronger, all of them.
They have no idea how strong we are.
No idea what we're going to do to them.
We've always been together.
We'll always be together.
We're the only two people in the world.
Why did you help us?
The Three-Eyed Raven sent for me.
The Three-Eyed Raven's dead.
Now he lives again.
When I last saw you, you were a boy.
A fearless boy.
Loved to climb the castle walls, frighten his mother.
Who are you?
Uncle Benjen.
The last letter Jon wrote me said you had been lost beyond the Wall.
I led a ranging party deep into the North to find white walkers.
They found us.
A white walker stabbed me in the gut with a sword of ice.
Left me there to die.
To turn.
The Children found me.
Stopped the walker's magic from taking hold.
How?
The same way they made the walkers in the first place.
You saw it yourself.
Dragonglass.
A shard of dragonglass plunged into your heart.
You are the Three-Eyed Raven now.
I didn't have time to learn.
I can't control anything.
You must learn to control it before the Night King comes.
Drink.
One way or another, he will find his way to the world of men.
When he does, you will be there waiting for him.
And you will be ready.
Everything all right?
How many days' ride to Meereen?
A week at best.
How many ships will I need to bring my khalasar to Westeros?
Dothraki and all their horses, the Unsullied, the Second Sons--
1,000 ships easily.
- Probably more.
- And who has that many?
Nobody.
Nobody yet.
So we ride for Meereen and after that we sail for Westeros.
And what then?
I take what is mine.
You weren't made to sit on a chair in a palace.
What was I made for?
You're a conqueror, Daenerys Stormborn.
Wait here.
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Previously on Blunt Talk.
- Tonight, on Blunt Talk...
- DUNCAN: 
Everybody! 
Everybody!
This is a takeover, but stay calm.
The major described a good orgasm like a red comet followed by a black abyss.
You were the nicest guy I've met in a long time.
Good night, everyone.
Is Teddy showing signs of dementia?
JIM: 
I really like spending time with you.
You know, socially or not.
You want to, you know, like last time?
- Rosalie, this is Rosalie.
- What?
WALTER: 
Are you dating Moby-Dick?
It's just Moby, no Dick.
- And, yes, I am.
- When did this happen?
Walter, we're divorced.
It's none of your business.
- I wish I had your breasts. 
Rrr.
- [laughs]
Celia, Shelly.
It's only 9:30 in the morning.
♪
♪ Blunt ♪
♪ Talk ♪ [groans] Not so tight, Harry.
It's a necktie, not a noose.
- My brain needs oxygen.
- It does, Major?
- Don't provoke me, Harry.
- Yes, Major.
I made the changes to the Dalai Lama paternity story, Walter.
Thank you, Martin. 
What have you done to your hair?
Oh, my girlfriend likes a center part.
She's in charge of my look now.
Here are the talking points on the bombing.
- Thank you, Shelly.
- You smell good, Walter.
I like when you don't wear deodorant.
- I am wearing deodorant.
- And I applied it.
Jim, Celia, stop that.
There's a lot of strep throat about.
Uh, you're right, Walter. 
I don't know what we were thinking.
I'm so sorry, Walter.
I wish Jim would let you see other people.
All I want is one night a week.
- I'd go down on you for hours.
- Shelly!
There's my number one team.
I love you, I love you.
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
And I especially love you.
- Mmm!
- Oh!
Bob, please.
Rosalie, Bob just struck me on the ass again.
Will you have a word with him about it?
- He says it's for good luck.
- Ha!
STAGE MANAGER: 
We're on in 10, Walter.
- Have a great show.
- Thank you. 
Ahem.
Mwah. 
Oh, shit.
Five, four, three, two, one.
Shit.
Good evening. 
Welcome to Blunt Talk.
I am Walter Blunt right here, right now.
Walter Blunt?
What you doing on the bus, man? 
You got canceled?
No, sir.
Just trying to be a responsible citizen.
Our world is in peril.
Right. 
All right, okay.
All done.
I been thinking about the nature of time, sir.
- Again, Harry?
- Yes, sir.
Our experience of time is like the knitting of a hat.
Each pass of the needle is a day in one's life and the finished hat is an obituary.
A summing up, an accounting.
- An epigraph and an epitaph.
- It can't be.
- Cornelia!
- Major?
It's Cornelia.
Cornelia!
Stop the bus. 
Stop the bus!
I'm fucking Walter Blunt!
[tires screech] Whoa.
Major!
Oh, my knitting!
[camera clicks]
Oh!
Major, what's going on?
I saw Cornelia, Harry.
I'm sure of it. 
Here in LA.
- What?
- And now I've lost her.
Again.
Cornelia.
I'm sorry, sir.
"Then each soul shall be paid what it has earned."
The end.
Well, that finishes the Koran, Major.
Very good, Harry.
Thank you.
[sighs]
The Koran, the Bible, the Torah.
My education is nearly complete.
Oh, what about Confucius?
He's next on the syllabus, sir.
And each soul shall be paid what it has earned.
Your medicine, Major.
Oh, no, thank you, Harry.
It doesn't feel right to drink so soon after finishing the Koran.
Oh, yes, I...
I see your point, sir.
I keep thinking about Cornelia.
Could it have been her or am I insane?
You're not insane, sir.
But perhaps when it comes to Cornelia, there is still a touch of lunacy inside you.
So I think it was an illusion.
You're probably right.
I'm forever looking out of the corner of my eye in crowds.
"Is that her? 
Is that her?"
I will never love like that again.
Oh, fuck it, Harry. 
Give me my medicine.
Right away, sir.
Is it my destiny to die alone, Harry?
Not as long as I'm around, Major.
[knocks] SYLVIA: 
Excuse me, Walter, but, Harry, can you come to bed?
I'm lonesome, I'm blue, I'm horny.
Right away, darling.
Good night, Major.
[sighs]
[breathing heavily]
The doctor said I had six polyps.
They look like little punching bags. 
He showed me a picture.
Punching bags? 
Not balloons?
No, punching bags.
It's a hereditary thing.
You have got to get Jim to go have a colonoscopy.
It's gonna be a problem because he has always been very fearful of anything coming near his rectum.
Well, a lot of people feel that way.
I could never take his temperature when he was a boy.
I would slather up the thermometer with Vaseline.
Oh, he would fight me.
Anyway, this is very important.
50,000 Americans die of colon cancer every year.
- That many?
- Yes.
I don't have the numbers on rectal cancer.
JIM: 
Celia, are you there?
One second, Mrs. Stone.
That's Jim calling now.
Um, yes, Jim?
Just wanted to say happy three-month anniversary, Mommy.
Happy anniversary, sweetheart.
But I've told you not to call me Mommy at work.
- What does he call you?
- JIM: 
Why?
Spanish men have been saying "mami" for years.
Anyway, no one can hear me.
We're on our private line.
[stammering] Um, yes, but I'm FaceTiming with your real mommy and she's got six little polyps, so it's very important that you get checked.
Six lollipops?
Are you saying lollipops?
CELIA: 
God, these cans are terrible.
No, not... not lollipops.
Polyps.
Whatever you're saying, it doesn't sound good.
But that's not the point.
Tell my mom to stop FaceTiming you.
Well, you tell her.
Jim, is that a can?
How'd you sleep, Major?
Not well.
Cornelia.
Yes, sir.
And I had a sinister dream about Orson Welles.
My subconscious, I'm afraid, is polluted by anxiety.
I'm sorry to hear that, sir.
Me, too.
But I love Orson Welles.
I was in "Touched By Evil."
- You mean "Touch of Evil." - "Touched By."
It's an erotic reimagining of the film.
Ronnie directed.
Naturally.
Anyway, Orson glowered at me as if I was a criminal, but I haven't done anything wrong lately, have I?
The only thing I can think of, sir, is that you've yet to respond to Vivian and Moby's wedding invitation.
It was sent over a month ago.
I guess I'm putting it off in the hope it's not true.
What do they mean by "come as yourself"?
I mean, how is that a guideline for how to dress?
It is open to interpretation, sir.
Moby.
Well, maybe he'll make her happy.
I wonder if he's an adequate lover.
It's not something I've considered, sir.
His buttocks seem meager.
It's not a matter of buttocks, Harry, as you should know.
[phone rings]
Holy fucking shit!
Duncan Adler, an eco-anarchist who hijacked the Blunt Talk news show three months ago, has been apprehended.
Adler has been hiding out in the Hasidic community of the Melrose District.
And here he is now.
Mr. Adler, what do you have to say for yourself?
- I did it for the planet.
- Are you even Jewish?
- I'll let you know 
- Good Lord. 
Enough of this.
What are you talking about?
We should have had cameras down there.
I love Adler. 
You know we've been number one since he took you hostage.
Bob, I think we're number one because we've all worked so hard.
Please. 
Listen, I want you to get an exclusive jailhouse interview with Adler, okay?
We're gonna ride this thing for the next three months. 
Make it happen.
But, Bob, I don't want to give that madman more airtime.
He could have killed people that day.
That would have been great, but he didn't.
So please get the interview.
Have a beautiful weekend, everyone.
I will be attending another LGBT regatta.
I'm on it, Walter.
We'll do it next week.
And we're all set up for tonight.
Good. 
Now, what about Monday's Medicine Cabinet segment?
I've heard nothing, so pitch me.
Um, uh, well, my HPV epidemic story is always ready to go.
- Plus I added a sidebar on chlamydia.
- Nope.
- More NFL players are dying ev...
- Nope.
Some professors at MIT seem to be able
- to send text messages with their minds.
- No.
Fitbit watches now come with an app that helps with premature ejaculation.
- Nope.
- The royal family has...
Jesus Christ, no!
How about this, Walter?
Half a million Americans die of colon cancer every year and these mortalities could be prevented with routine colonoscopies.
I haven't got the figures for rectal cancer, but...
How is colon cancer better than HPV?
I haven't finished yet.
Jim's mother has six polyps.
It's hereditary, so Jim will have to have a colonoscopy and I say why not make it into a live broadcast?
What? 
Mommy.
- Mommy?
- Oh.
I like the colonoscopy idea.
- Me, too.
- But, Walter, I... 
I don't want to.
Jim, you're doing it.
This colonoscopy broadcast to millions could save lives.
Dr. Mendelson and Beth are here for your cognitive therapy, Major.
Thank you, Harry.
All of you, there is something you can do for me.
There's a writer for The Guardian.
Cornelia White. 
Find out if she's in LA.
Any reason why, Walter?
I thought I saw her last night and 30 years ago
I was madly in love with her.
Okay. 
Now, tell me.
Well, you see, my love, these past two months have been the happiest months of my life.
Oh, I've been so happy, too.
I want to be with you always.
I'm filing for divorce.
Rafe is a mature boy.
- He will come to accept...
- Walter, Walter, no.
You've misunderstood everything.
What have I misunderstood?
I never wanted you to leave your wife.
Oh, God.
I think I'd better leave right now.
Walter, I'm so sorry.
WALTER: 
And that was the last time I ever saw her.
DR. MENDELSON: 
I imagine that must have hurt like hell, Walter.
I went through something similar in my own life and my liver failed and I wasn't even drinking.
Oh, yes, it hurt.
A great deal.
But now I remember that time more like a movie I saw than a life I lived.
It's interesting. 
In the few months that we've been working together,
I don't believe I've ever heard you describe anything with quite that le... oh, dear, Beth.
- Beth, are you all right?
- What is it?
I just thought for a moment there that... that Beth had stopped breathing, but as you can see, she's...
she's perfectly fine.
So sorry. 
No, it's just that we're very much attached, you see?
We've been together for... for 18 years.
Anyway, I tried my best to forget her, but...
Well, I'm afraid that's all we have time for today, Walter.
But, uh, we'll be certain and pick it up right here when we get together next week.
Great colonoscopy pitch, Celia.
- Oh, thank you.
- You got a second?
Um, I am in the middle of stretching, Rosalie. 
My sciatica.
Good, thank you.
I just spoke to Teddy.
He's arrived in Montana.
How did he sound?
A bit confused.
But his brother is wonderful with him.
They're gonna go fishing every day for months.
Apparently it's good for dementia.
And how are you? 
Are you okay?
I think I'm okay.
Do you want to go drinking tonight?
I know this piano bar.
Sometimes I get up and sing.
Oh, I'd love to, but it's French movie night with Jim.
Ah.
Do you think it's strange that he calls me Mommy?
No, it's very male.
Most men think it, but he's got the guts to say it.
Do you call him Daddy?
No... but I'd like to.
That's better.
Your hair is very willful.
I know. 
I hate my hair.
Try not to use the word hate, even about your hair.
You're right. 
Um, thanks for bringing my lunch, Rosalie.
Don't forget to overchew.
It helps with your digestion.
See you tonight.
Mi amor.
Muchas gracias, uh, amigo.
My, my, Shelly. 
What are you doing?
I'm checking for lumps. 
I didn't like hearing about those polyps.
In my mind, I see them dangling like stinky grapes in her colon.
Uh, but aren't you supposed to do that with your arms above your head?
- Like pulling the breast taut?
- Huh?
Uh, Rosalie number two has a plastic card in her shower with the diagram.
Oh, well, if you know so much about it, can you check and see if there's a lump?
No. 
No, I can't touch your breast.
No, you're too competitive.
Yes, you can. 
You're like my brother.
And he used to touch my breasts all the time when I was little.
Really?
Yes, that's what happens in families.
Okay, so put your arms over your head.
Uh, uh, uh. 
I'm not falling for that.
You're supposed to say Simon says.
Oh, God, you are so annoying.
Simon says put your arms over your head.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Feel anything?
No.
Check the right breast.
[door opens]
Martin, what are you doing?
I thought you were exclusive now to Rosalie number two.
I am. 
Uh, Shelly thinks she has lumps.
Yeah, this is just a medical exam, Rosalie.
Oh, let me see.
I'm good at finding lumps.
I have very cystic breasts.
It's true.
Oh, Martin.
- I miss you.
- Ahem.
Hello, hello, hello.
What's going on in here?
We're checking Shelly's breasts for lumps.
I'm scared about breast cancer, Harry. 
Can you check?
All right.
I know first aid from the Marines.
Oh.
- I'm not sure I feel anything.
- Okay.
Where's Walter? 
What are you all doing?
SHELLY: 
Oh, they're checking my breasts for lumps.
I'd really love your opinion.
Oh, God.
[moans]
- They seem all right to me.
- Squeeze my nipple.
There might be lumps under the areola.
[moans]
What the... what the hell is going on?
We're checking Shelly's breasts for lumps.
Your mother's polyps have made her very paranoid.
Want me to feel them?
No, Jim. 
That would be inappropriate.
- What?
- Walter.
I cherchezed la femme for you.
I just got off the phone with an old friend from The Guardian and she said that Cornelia White is in LA.
She's staying at the Monarch.
[phone ringing]
OPERATOR: 
The guest in room 902 is not available.
Please leave a message. [beeps] [stammering] Uh, hell... hello, Cornelia.
It's Walter.
You know who. 
Walter Blunt.
I was on a bus and... well, I have a car...
I have a show.
Blunt Talk.
Perhaps you're aware of it.
Anyway, I would love to see you.
My office number is 323-triple 5-0182.
It's been 30 years and I have never... 
Goodbye.
Great message, Walter.
Really? 
Oh, Lord.
I think I have vertigo.
For your vertigo, Major.
Thank you, Walter. 
Uh, Harry.
NASA announced today that it will continue its partnership with SpaceX, Elon Musk's rocket company.
Of course, Musk is not the only multibillionaire in the rocket business.
Jeff Bezos has Blue Origin and Richard Branson has Virgin Galactic.
So I ask this question... why do these visionary businessmen think there is profit in escaping the Earth's atmosphere?
Are they the canaries in the mines saying, "Get out, get out"?
Well, more on our billionaire rocketeers after this.
- [bell rings] 
- STAGE MANAGER: 
And we're all clear.
Oh.
Cornelia left this message with the receptionist.
- Can I?
- Yeah.
"Walter, would love to see you.
Dinner tonight?"
Yes!
Celia, do you think this is my second chance?
I googled her and she was widowed three years ago.
I don't know, Walter. 
What is it that they call old loves?
Dead flowers.
- Oh, Celia, that's not very encouraging.
- Sorry.
STAGE MANAGER: 
Walter, we're back in five...
- Yay!
- four, three, two, one.
Welcome back to Blunt Talk.
The billionaires' race to colonize Mars is quickly becoming a reality.
She was this exotic American expat.
But she broke my heart.
Yet I have never stopped hoping for decades, like Gatsby, like Orpheus, that she might yet come back to me.
And now...
I am going to see her in 20 minutes.
Oh, thank you, Stan.
You know, I once had my heart broken like that.
Doris was her name.
For years I couldn't stop thinking about her.
Oh, yes. 
It was like having something always floating across the surface of your eye.
But in this case it was my mind.
Walter.
Cornelia! 
You're early.
Yes, well, I thought I'd get a drink, too.
Get your courage up. 
That's just what I've been doing.
Walter.
Oh.
Oh.
You always were very French.
♪
I've almost finished exercising.
[woman speaks French] [speaks French]
Bravo. 
Brava. 
Bravissimo.
Well, okay, we have a choice. 
Boy Meets Girl or The Mother and the Whore.
Oh, it feels more like a Mother and the Whore night, I think.
But before we watch a French movie, can we talk about my colonoscopy?
Of course.
The thing is,
I don't want to do it.
But it's all set up.
It's important for your health and your career.
And I think people will think you're quite heroic.
- They will?
- Yeah.
I already do.
Um... can I do my thing?
You're looking very well, Walter.
Time has been gentle with you.
I don't know about that. 
But you, you're... you're as beautiful as ever.
That's sweet.
Do you know what I remember most about those days?
No, what do you remember?
When your dog gave you fleas and your shins were on fire and you scratched until you got a staph infection.
[both laugh]
The past is so vivid for you.
But, tell me, why are you in LA?
What are you working on?
Let's not talk about work. 
It's so dreary.
How about we order, fill our bellies with food so we can drink more?
Now that sounds like a plan.
Good thinking.
Any suggestions?
Well, the branzino is line-caught.
[mouths words]
Go on. [mouths words]
- Oh!
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my...
Sorry, sorry, sorry. 
Sorry.
Excuse me, waiter, there appears to be a dress in my soup.
[chuckles]
- So sorry.
- Thank you.
This is Shelly Tinkle, here today and tomorrow.
No.
This is Shelly Tinkle bringing the news.
I'm just bringing it, to you.
No. 
I don't like that.
This is Shelly Tinkle doing her thing.
[gasps]
This is Shelly Tinkle doing her thing.
Yes!
Yes! 
Doing her thing.
Shelly Tinkle doing her thing.
Yes! 
[howls]
This is for my Teddy and all the other beautiful men I've loved and will love maybe later tonight.
[laughter]
♪
♪ Love is rare ♪
♪ Life is strange ♪
♪ Nothing lasts, people change... ♪
[knocks]
ROSALIE2: 
Martin?
Can I come in?
I need to be alone in here.
Oh, you need to make a BM.
Do you want me to sing loudly and stamp my feet like last time?
Yes, please.
♪ Oh, when the saints go marching in ♪
♪ Oh, when the saints go marching in ♪
♪ Oh, how I want to be in that number ♪
♪ When the saints go marching in ♪
♪ Oh, when the saints... ♪
♪
When did Los Angeles become so beautiful?
Oh, what time did your plane land?
Oh.
It really is so lovely seeing you again.
I feel the same.
You know, you were the love of my life.
♪
♪ I have slept for a thousand years ♪
♪ The sand set in my eyes ♪
♪ Born of love that turned to greed ♪
♪ And died in God's demise ♪
♪ I see you ♪
♪ I am you ♪
♪ Shell that's made of flesh and bone ♪
♪ Keeps my spirit fooled ♪
♪ Where love is lost in dawn's false light ♪
♪ And wisdom overruled ♪
♪ I see you ♪

Thank you.
Pretty bold choice not tipping that barista.
Okay, I'm sorry, I tip for good service, and in what world does it take 20 minutes to make a simple cup of coffee?
Holy moly, that is good.
I told you he was an artist.
Look what he wrote in the foam.
"Thank you for your patience."
Well, I'm a horrible human being.
No, you're not, honey.
You're just cheap.
I'm not cheap.
You know what?
Watch this.
Hello there!
A little something for...
Oh, you know what?
That's actually a 20.
She thought it was a single.
No, I thought it was a five.
Which is so very generous, but, um...
Okay, well, that's a $20 for you.
And you owe me 15 bucks.
Ms. Flynn?
Yeah.
Do I know you?
Oh, my God.
Yeah, you were my favorite teacher.
Oh, that is so sweet.
You don't know who I am.
Not a clue.
It's okay.
Uh, last time you saw me, I was ten years old, uh, I had no front teeth, and I had a pirate patch to cover my lazy eye.
Frannie DuVall!
Yeah. 
Present.
Oh, of course I remember you.
I don't remember that.
Sweetie, I wouldn't cover that up with a sign.
You'd make a lot more money.
When did you...
or, you know, how did you...
I mean, not how.
I know... 
I know how.
Um... hey.
We were just talking about grabbing a-a bite to eat.
Would you... would you like to come with us?
We just ate.
We're gonna eat again.
What do you say, you in?
Yeah, that... that would be great actually.
Okay.
Well, maybe we could get a cocktail, too.
Victoria, she's, like, 17.
Well, they're not gonna card a pregnant girl.
Come on, sweetie.
Let's grab all your filthy stuff.
♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪
♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪
♪ For the first time in my life ♪
♪ I see love ♪
♪ I see love ♪
♪ For the first time in my life ♪
♪ I see love ♪
I don't know if you hung out with those hobos under that bridge on Cicero, but last Christmas,
I was the guy who left a bag of Whopper Jr.'s under there, so, you know you're welcome.
Vince, she's our guest.
Don't talk to her.
There you go.
Okay, turkey sandwich.
I almost made you a PB and J, but then I remembered you had a nut allergy.
You have a good memory.
Well, you were my first EpiPen.
And my second.
And I'm so sorry about those walnut brownies, but, in my defense, you shouldn't have called it a "peanut allergy"
if it included the entire nut family.
So, when's your baby due, Frannie?
Uh, they said at the clinic something like six weeks from now.
Wow! 
That's coming up in about...
Six weeks.
Oh, kid, it's got to be rough out there on those streets.
Wh-what do you use for protection?
Mom, she obviously didn't use protection.
I'm sorry for her ignorance.
I'm just saying,
I don't leave the house without a steak knife in my purse.
You try to rob me, or talk in a movie theater, you're gonna see the blade.
I just hope your throat doesn't close up around all these nuts.
Uh, so...
How's a kid like you survive out there?
I do what I got to do.
Um, some days I make enough money off of what people give me, and sometimes
I got to get a little more... creative.
Mm, like, uh, Mary Magdalene creative?
Ew! 
Mom!
And by "ew," I mean no one's judging you.
Yeah... no, I meant more like "stealing" creative.
Okay, thank God, 'cause I was...
I was judging you a little bit.
I'm-I'm not proud of it, but I've shoplifted and stuff like that.
You know, you would be surprised how often people leave their cars unlocked.
Hey, how's it going?
Hey, honey.
Uh, this is Frannie.
Former student of mine.
- She's homeless.
- And pregnant.
And she's telling us how she robs cars.
All right.
I got Frannie all set up on the couch.
You sure we can trust her down there alone?
She's not gonna steal anything.
And if she does, you've been looking for a reason to buy a new TV.
Well, if that's the case, we can throw in the microwave,
I'll drive her to the pawn shop myself.
She's a sweet kid in a tough spot.
I couldn't just walk away.
I mean, I'm her favorite teacher.
Her words, not mine.
Everybody loves fourth grade.
- They don't teach you the hard stuff yet.
- Really?
State capitals?
Times tables?
That is core knowledge, baby.
What about her parents?
I mean, do they even know where she's at?
Frannie said they kicked her out of the house.
I mean, they basically just wrote her off.
Okay, but do we know that actually happened?
I mean, you're taking the word of an admitted criminal.
A criminal? 
Really?
She shoplifted a few times.
You're always eating grapes at the grocery store.
I sample.
That's different.
Really? 
You ever pay for those afterwards?
Not if they don't meet my standards.
Besides, it doesn't matter what happened between her and her parents.
I mean, put yourself in their shoes.
If your daughter was living on the street... alone, wouldn't you want somebody to bring her home to you?
Yes.
Because?
Because I'd be worried sick about her.
Exactly.
Wait a minute, did I just win an argument?
I think you did.
Aw, good for you.
Um, okay, South Dakota?
- Pierre.
- Ooh.
- Seven times eight?
- 56.
God, I was good.
Yeah, you really were.
I still remember when those kids were making fun of my lazy eye patch.
You stuck up for me.
You wore one for a whole week.
Oh, it really was just a happy accident.
I-I had pinkeye.
Fourth graders are filthy.
Either way, it kept them off my back till Larry Bean got lice.
Oof.
I want to shave my head for that kid.
You were-you were great through.
Hmm.
Always doing extra credit.
Staying after school to help me.
'Cause I didn't want to go home.
Look, and I still don't.
I'm telling you this is a waste of time.
Okay, I know you think it is, but if-if you were my daughter,
I would want to know that you and that baby were safe.
Yeah, well, if you were my mother,
I probably would've told you I was pregnant.
They don't know?
- Okay, they're super religious.
- Oh, my God.
No, they're the kind of people that think that dancing will lead to pregnancy.
- Well...
- Okay.
One time they were right.
You know, people could change.
I did, you know?
When I was a kid, I got into all kinds of trouble.
Double-pierced my ears without permission.
TP'ed a house.
Went back to clean it up.
Got caught.
Cried my way out of it.
Whoa, pretty bad-ass.
My point is that, you know, everybody deserves a second chance, even your parents.
You ready?
No.
All right.
You sit tight here, I'll go in first,
I'll talk to them,
I'll work a little bit of my Ms. Flynn magic.
I have a feeling they're not quite the monsters that you think they are.
So, those people are monsters.
Yeah, I told you.
Just so much worse than you even said.
I mean, I-I tried explaining your situation to your mother and she just shouted, : "I rebuke thee!"
And, I mean, that... it was...
I'm not even doing it justice.
It came from a real deep place.
And then your dad starting splashing me with his Fresca,
I mean, like it was holy water.
Home sweet home.
Okay, living there is not an option.
So, you're gonna come home with me and you can stay there until we figure this out.
God, no, no, you-you don't have to do that.
Well, I certainly am not gonna put you out on the street to raise a baby.
Oh, I'm-I'm not keeping the baby.
I'm giving it up.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Look at me, I... 
I can't raise a kid.
I want it to have a safe home, and a chance at a good life.
I can't give it all that.
- Look, you probably think I'm a horrible...
- I'll take it!
I'll take that baby.
Hey.
Hey.
I thought, uh, Molly was taking you back to your folks.
Uh... yeah, it, uh, it didn't work out.
So where is everybody?
Uh, Ms. Flynn is upstairs, redhead lady and bald guy are at a casino, and stoned chick when into the backyard with a lighter and an apple.
You're a cop, you could probably, like, put that together.
Making yourself at home?
Yeah, I am.
Well, just so you know how things work around here, everybody has their own box of cereal and you are eating mine.
This was the only one that doesn't say,
"For healthy stools" on the front.
Yeah, I know, that's why I wrote my name on the box.
See, Trix are for Mike.
Look, let's, uh, let's cut to the chase about you staying here, okay?
Molly is a nice person.
Probably too nice.
Me? 
I'm not so nice.
Dude, it's just cereal.
Okay, "dude," it's not about that.
See, I'm a cop, so I've seen it all, okay?
So, it's a little hard for me to buy this whole "poor little pregnant girl" routine.
There's nothing to buy.
That's literally what I am.
Just so you know I got my eye on you.
If you're trying to scare me, you might want to wipe that dribble of pink milk off your chin.
Nobody likes a smart-ass.
- Did I get it?
- Yeah.
You know, uh, this city has a lot of great programs for kids in your, uh...
situation.
I could set you up at a really nice place.
It would take care of you and your baby.
I'm good.
I already found a family that's gonna take the baby.
Really? 
That's great!
When did this happen?
Today, actually.
- They seem pretty cool.
- Mm.
Uh, well, the wife.
The husband is kind of a dork.
Hey, that's the man who's gonna adopt your child, show a little respect.
Yeah, you're right.
I should.
Another dribble.
You know what?
I think something's up with this spoon.
Hey, hon.
So glad you're home, I got big news for you.
Oh, I know, uh, Frannie already told me.
She did?
Dang it, I wanted to see the look on your face when you first found out.
It was a lot like this, except, uh, there was, uh, some milk dribble.
You seem really calm about this.
What's the big deal?
I mean, I think it's great, but I don't see how it's gonna change our lives.
Okay, um... what exactly did she tell you?
Uh, she said she found some couple that was gonna take the baby.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
- Yes.
- No, no, no, no, Molly!
- Yes! 
Yes, yes!
Why would you do this without talking to me?
Well, I know it seems crazy, but it all happened so fast, and I wanted to snatch it up before somebody else got to it first.
It's not a door buster at Wal-Mart, it's a baby!
I know that, but you know how long we've been wanting this.
And then suddenly Frannie just shows up on our doorstep?
Mike, this is fate.
No, it's a combination of bad parenting, poor choices, and you not having change for a 20.
Yes. 
Boom. 
Fate.
Look, you're not thinking this through.
I'm telling you, this is a bad idea.
Okay, uh, what happened to my baby-crazy husband?
I mean, you were telling me favorite boy names by our third date.
And I want to have a little Jordan Pippin Biggs, but I want it to be our baby.
Together.
Well, what difference does it make where it comes from?
Do we know anything about the father?
Do either one of them have a drug history?
And what about her?
She's an admitted petty criminal.
Oh, Mike, come on, we all have a dark past.
I have TP'ed houses.
Yeah, and you made the biggest decision of our lives without me.
Where are you going?
I'm going to the store.
'Cause if things weren't bad enough, we're out of my cereal.
I don't get you, man.
For the last three years all I hear is,
"I want a kid, I want a kid!"
Now you could have a kid, you don't want the kid.
Are you kidding me?
I just want to make the right decision.
What do we know about this baby?
It sleeps, it poops, and it cries when it's hungry.
You two should get on famously.
Yeah, but it's not ours, me and Molly's, you know?
I always imagined that when we had a baby, it would look like me, okay?
All babies look like you.
Look, adoption is a wonderful thing.
It's-it's just not for me.
Why not?
I mean, if you're worried that the kid won't love you, you're wrong.
I was raised by my grandma and I loved her even more because she chose to do it.
It's not about the kid loving me.
What if...
What if I can't love it back because deep down I know that it's not mine?
That's what you're worried about?
Well, I'm just being honest.
I mean, that's not fair to the kid.
Children need to be taken care of and loved.
Come on, man.
You are the most loving person I've ever met.
We have never passed a baby that you didn't play peek-a-boo with.
And the kid always got tired of it before you did.
Hey, Mike.
I would love to have you as a father.
In some ways you were.
You taught me to drive, took me voting after I got my citizenship, and vastly underpaid me to do your yardwork.
Oh, good, you're home.
Listen, about the baby...
Okay, okay before you say anything,
I know I made this decision without you, but it doesn't mean that it's not the right one.
I agree, you're right.
But what if I'm right, huh?
Okay, I know you don't like change, and sometimes I make you change and you like it.
Remember how you put up a fight about putting mushrooms on a burger?
Here.
What is this?
Open it.
A necklace that says, "Wow."
Flip it over.
"Mom."
You're always right.
I would love nothing more than to give that baby a home.
I love you so much.
Hey!
Where's Frannie?
I got her a little gift, too.
She's upstairs, I...
- I'll go get her!
- Okay.
"Trix are for Frannie."
"And Mike."
She did eat some of mine.
Mike!
- She's gone. 
Frannie's not down there.
- Gone where?
"Ms. Flynn,
"Thank for everything.
"Sorry for causing so much trouble between you and Mr. Flynn."
I-I didn't take your name.
Okay, that is not the important thing right now.
Okay, okay.
Let's get our coats.
Come on, get in the car.
Mike, there's no way that she's gonna go back to the same place I found her.
There she is.
How have you not made detective yet?
Frannie, honey, what are you doing back out here?
Really, I'm-I'm good, Ms. Flynn.
Okay, come on, kiddo.
You are coming home with us.
Why? 
Why, so that you guys can argue some more?
I heard you fighting.
Look, you're both so nice.
I don't want to cause any more trouble than I already have.
What trouble? 
I mean, the fight's over.
Mike didn't mean what he said.
Yeah, I'm a knucklehead.
He's a knucklehead.
Sometimes, it-it just takes him a minute to come around.
Yeah, but once I do, I am on board.
And I am fully on board for this, Frannie.
For everything.
Yeah, we both-we both are.
Are you sure?
'Cause you know, being a parent is a big responsibility.
Can't be out late like this roaming the streets.
Dude, we know.
All right then.
Let's go home.
All right, okay.
♪ I'm gonna be a grandpa ♪
♪ A grandpa, a grandpa ♪
♪ Or a Pee-Paw ♪
♪ Or a Pop-Pop ♪
♪ I'm gonna be an Auntie ♪
♪ Or an Auntie ♪
♪ Or a Mimi. ♪
I'm gonna be Joyce.
And if anybody says the "G" word,
I'm pulling out my blade.

Kenny: 
Why am I tightly rolling my clothes?
It's the most efficient way to pack.
And I'm getting ready for my upcoming Catholic youth retreat weekend.
It's just as awesome as it sounds.
Hey, Kenny, you got room for duct tape, Silly String, and saran wrap?
They always check my bag.
They say it's random, but [Chuckles] it's profiling.
It's not profiling.
You saran-wrapped six kids to a pole last year.
Yeah, and it would have been seven.
Kevin Farkus is a slippery little fella.
Hey.
If you weren't my brothers and wanted to make out with me, would you prefer root beer or bubble gum lips?
- Root beer.
- Why?
Well, for me, this weekend's about finally getting my first real kiss.
I'm four months behind my schedule, so I'm gonna leave these behind.
And put these on.
Are those slightly thicker?
You bet your ass they are.
Ugh, you guys, it is not about hooking up or pranking.
It is about getting in touch with what being Catholic means to you, and, uh, not to brag, but there is a good chance that I will be named Faith Leader.
Aww. 
He thinks he's bragging.
Okay, you guys, being Faith Leader is the next step in my evolution.
I'm head altar boy, class treasurer, elks club teen of the month October 2014.
It's like when Rita Moreno won an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony.
I need the EGOT.
I want to be the Rita Moreno of high-school leader...
That was good.
Get it out of your system now.
Don't forget to call us if you need anything.
That's right. 
And everybody has the number to my basement landline, right?
- What?
- No.
What's a landline?
Oh, forget it. 
I'm just trying to establish my independence.
We are gonna miss you all so much.
That's right. 
Love you. 
Mwah!
- See you.
- Mm-hmm.
- Love you.
- Bye!
- Love you. 
No.
- Love you. 
No, joking.
[Sighs] Wow. 
It's kind of like the first day of the rest of our single lives, huh?
- Mm.
- Any plans?
Oh, yeah. 
So many.
Mm.
The tough part is cramming it all into one weekend.
Oh, tell me about it. [Sighs]
I'm like, "Slow down, Brain.
You know, you're gonna explode thinking about all your plans."
[Chuckles] Yeah.
Well, I'm gonna go sit in the basement.
I got to make sure all the pens work.
All right, everybody. 
Let's settle down, please.
Everybody, bring it in.
Welcome, everyone, to St. Barklay's.
For the visiting students, I am Vice Principal Murray.
- Whoo!
- Thank you.
Now, we all know what happened last year at St. Mary's.
So I don't think it would hurt to do a quick little recap of the rules.
Rule number one... no pranking.
You know who you are.
That's me! 
[Chuckles]
[Cheers and applause]
Thank you. 
Thank you.
Yeah, that's my boy.
Second rule... no half-empty bottles of kahlúa.
Drew, this is going in the contraband locker next to the firecrackers and the crickets.
But there's not much air in there, so those crickets are probably dead.
Anyway, on to my next piece of business... the bestowing of the golden whistle to this year's Faith Leader.
This is it.
Now, remember what Taylor Swift taught you.
Look surprised when they call your name.
A duty is som...
Jimmy O'Neal!
[Scattered applause]
What?
!
Um, I think you made a mistake.
My whole life has been a series of mistakes.
You're gonna have to be more specific there, champ.
It was my turn to be Faith Leader.
I worked the last three retreats for this.
Last year, I was the most trustworthy person in the trust exercises.
You said that. 
Your words, Murray.
Kenny, I don't need you as Faith Leader.
You're always well-behaved.
But your brother terrifies me.
One good way to keep a troublemaker down is to make him believe he can be more, even if it's a lie.
That's how I got roped into this job.
So, you're saying I'm being punished for being a good guy?
'Cause I'm pretty sure that's profiling.
I do not profile anyone, especially you.
Speaking of which, if you're not comfortable sleeping with all those other boys because of your... 
Blossoming sexuality, you can sleep in here.
Not with me, of course.
I will be sleeping with all the other boys.
N-nope.
The office is yours all by yourself
- for no particular reason.
- I don't want to stay in here.
It smells like Funyuns and Axe body spray.
You got a keen nose, Kenny.
If you do change your mind, I got a case of 5-hour energy.
I accidentally bought the women's version.
Your bones will thank you.
[Sighs] You can keep your room.
Hmm. 
Okay.
O-okay.
- Yeah, baby!
- Boom! 
There it is!
[Door opens]
Sam: 
Yeah! 
Whoo! 
Boom. 
Let's go.
I didn't know you had company.
Yeah, I invited a friend over to watch the game.
Sam, Eileen. 
Eileen, Sam.
Sam's a detective at the station and a recently divorced lesbian.
Hi. 
There's at least three things in there
- he didn't need to tell you.
- No, she would have asked.
Aah!
Come on!
- Well...
- What was that?
I also have a friend who's, uh, probably gonna be stopping by any minute now.
So... but you probably already figured that out, didn't you, Detective? 
[Chuckles]
Case closed on this one.
Pew, pew. [Chuckles]
Aah!
That's it!
[Inhales sharply]
[Door opens]
What took you so long?
I was mid-manicure, but I rushed over here as soon as I knew I was needed.
I parked on your lawn. 
What's wrong?
Pat's friends with a lesbian detective and they're in the basement.
That's a lot to process.
It's our first single weekend, and he's already got a friend.
He's so much better at divorce than I am.
I bet they're complaining about their exes.
Maybe you could go down there and just casually overhear every single word of their conversation.
I'll tiptoe.
I was always the best at "Red Light, Green Light."
♪ ♪
Green light.
Thank you all for meeting.
As you know, I'm seeking the perfect candidate to be my first kiss.
I want this interview process to be relaxing, so I'll just need your social security number to check your credit score.
And we're recording.
Uh...
Nice whistle, Faith Leader Jimmy.
Ah, so much for beating your record this year, huh?
C-can you think of anything else that saran wrap can be used for other than pranks?
Because I can't. 
I can't think of one thing.
All right. 
Well, later.
All right. 
We need to talk.
I have a really, really good feeling that if you tell V.P. Murray you don't want to be faith leader, he'll give it to me.
I mean, you don't... [Chuckles] you don't want the job anyway, right?
No. 
I don't even know why Murray picked me for it.
Oh, I do.
He said that a good way to keep a troublemaker down is to make him believe he can do more.
He believes that I can do more?
He said... he said that to you?
No. 
You are missing the point.
Stop trying to be something you're not.
Just let me have the job.
You don't think I can do this, do you?
I'm gonna prove to you and to everybody else that I deserve the Faith Leader title.
So, why don't you go lay down in your sleeping bag and wait till I tell you what to do next?
[Scoffs]
You think I'll take orders from you?
Oh.
- Oh, what's this?
- Don't you blow that.
Don't you dare blow my whistle.
- [Whistle blows] 
- Let me tell you.
It is a very hard job keeping the troublemakers in line.
And I'm gonna prove it to you...
By being a troublemaker.
[Chuckles] Troublemakers don't call themselves troublemakers.
Well, I'm gonna bring it like it has never been brung.
Brought. 
Is it brought?
Either way, that's what's happening.
Jodi, what are you doing?
Me? 
Nothing.
Just doing a little laundry.
How did you know I'm here?
Well, uh, can't speak for Pat here, but a pretty lady always gets my attention.
[Chuckles] Hi. 
I'm Sam.
I'm Jodi.
And I'm totally bi when it comes to compliments.
Scooch over, Pat.
Will you just tell Eileen that she can come down here?
It's better than having her listen through the door.
I'm not listening through the door.
The door was open and sound travels up.
That's science.
Charcuterie, anyone?
Oh, none for me. 
I just became a vegan.
Vegan?
When did you decide not to like food? 
[Chuckles]
Oh, well, truthfully, after my divorce.
I, uh, figured I should try some new things... changed my diet, uh, taking voice lessons, making candles.
I'm sorry. 
Did you say making candles?
Yeah.
Paraffin wax or soy wax?
Soy.
Cored wicks or flat?
Well, I let the candle tell me.
That's what I say.
- Huh.
- Huh.
There's the crew Jimmy normally hangs with.
I'm gonna make my move.
I just need a cool first line to show them I'm bad.
Hi, drew. 
I like your shirt.
Who are you?
I'm Jimmy's brother.
Jimmy the traitor?
That's right.
So, I thought of a prank we could pull.
When Jimmy asks us a question, we mouth the words but don't say anything to make him think he has a hearing problem.
Like this.
What?
Exactly.
That's stupid.
One, two, three, eyes on me.
All right. 
I'm your Faith Leader, Jimmy.
If you just stick to your Jesus journaling and your gratitude lists, there shouldn't be any problem.
Faith Leader.
Out.
What can we do to get away from this guy?
I've changed my mind.
I'm gonna need this room.
There's a boy from holy crown that's been eyeing me in a way that makes me uncomfortable.
Yeah. 
Yeah, we're gonna have to nip this one in the butt... in the bud.
- Office is yours.
- Great.
I'm also going to need my own key and access to your mini fridge.
You got it. 
Can you just do me a favor?
Don't touch my lunchables.
Let me make this very clear.
I will eat all the lunchables I want.
Well, I've established my boundaries, but it's clear you've also established yours.
You know what you just reminded me of?
My ex-wife. [Shudders] Getting chills.
Who knew being so bad would feel so good?
And now to celebrate my victory.
Mm. [Coughs] God, that is chalky.
Why didn't I shake well?
- Here it is.
- Wait.
So, we have this place to ourselves all weekend?
Yeah.
And a private bathroom for those of us with a shy colon.
Yo, you know what this place needs?
- My kahlúa.
- I don't know how we're gonna do that.
- V.P. Murray took it.
- Oh, man, I don't know.
But if you could figure out a way to throw a party in the vice principal's office during a retreat, [Chuckles] you'd be a legend.
Four, five, six, explain this.
Who wants to tell me why we're all in here and not working on our "Catholics against human trafficking Puppet Show"?
Because...
Using felt and buttons is an inane way to address the growing epidemic of domestic sex slavery.
Yeah, in your face, Jimmy.
Human rights!
Puppet Show.
Now.
♪ ♪
What is all of this?
Oh, I invited Sam over to work on our candles.
She's having some challenging issues with air bubbles.
It's a rookie error. 
She needs me.
Okay. 
I'm just gonna come out and say this like an adult.
Sam is my friend. 
I had her first. 
She's mine.
Pat, there's a whole world of people we're gonna meet.
We can't just go through all of them, calling dibs.
Which reminds me, I haven't officially called...
Both: 
Dibs!
Okay.
I'm happy you're friends with Sam.
And I don't need to be part of your stupid little candle party, either.
Yeah, I called it stupid.
Because I think it's stupid to make something so readily available at a store.
[Sighs]
Jodi, it's me. 
It's Pat.
It's the number to my landline.
Because I'm trying to establish my own space and independence.
Look, I need you to come over.
Pat, I'd love to, but I really got to get this nail situation under control.
I wasn't finished.
Bring your karaoke machine.
Finally.
I'll be right there!
Ahh! 
[Chuckles] Okay.
So, turns out there's zero viable tail in the freshman group.
Any options for me in your crew?
So, "crew's" caught on?
Is anyone calling it the "K-crew" yet?
- No.
- Okay, well, [scoffs] They will.
'Cause you know what, Shannon?
I am throwing an epic party tonight.
Really? 
You?
Yes.
Just need to get the confiscated kahlúa.
Okay. 
If you let me come,
I'll tell you the combination to V.P. Murray's contraband locker.
Deal.
0-2-25.
It's his ex-wife's birthday.
He uses it for everything.
The fact that you know that scares me.
This is why I have trouble meeting men.
So, once you pour in the wax, then you tap the sides of the mold like this.
Tap, tap.
And that's how you get rid of all the bubbles.
- Oh, you are such a pro.
- Oh.
Pat: ♪ You're as cold as ice ♪
♪ You're willing to sacrifice our love ♪
- Can we just...
- [Music stops]
Can we take this downstairs or outside or maybe put it in an alley?
Hey, Sam.
Gosh, didn't you say you were taking some voice lessons?
Why don't you show us what you got?
Gosh, I'd love to.
We're already priming the wicks.
We don't need karaoke.
[Chuckles] No one does.
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then I get a little bit lonely ♪
♪ And you're never coming 'round ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then I get a little bit tired ♪
♪ Of listening to the sound of my tears ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then I get a little bit nervous ♪
♪ That the best of all my years have gone by ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then I get a little bit terrified ♪
♪ And then I see the look in your eyes ♪
♪ Turn around, bright eyes ♪
♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪
- ♪ Turn around, bright eyes ♪ 
- She's singing for her.
I begged her for years to sing with me... 
I mean, like, begged.
- On my knees.
- ♪ every now and then I fall apart ♪
I know. 
She's acting so juvenile.
♪ And I need you now tonight ♪
♪ And I need you more than ever ♪
♪ And if you only hold me tight ♪
♪ We'll be holding on forever ♪
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- ♪ And if you... ♪
Okay, okay, simmer down. 
Stop, stop. 
Okay.
- [Music stops] 
- Listen, uh, ohh, I have, uh, been in situations like this with married couples before.
Usually there isn't this much foreplay.
But, uh, whatever's going on here, you guys really need to hash it out.
Um...
It's probably for the best.
It was about more than the candles for me.
Oh.
- [Door opens] 
- Wait. 
Come back!
We can work this out.
Great.
Because you had to act like a little baby,
I just lost my new best friend.
Your best friend?
Huh.
Did you sign up for classes at potpourri pals together?
- What?
- This is bull crap!
Why don't you start paying attention to the one person that drops everything for you?
Not just today... always.
I've been here through your divorce and Kenny coming out and Jimmy.
Taking me for granted is one thing, but karaoke fighting over another woman right in front of me?
It crosses a line.
Turn around, bright eyes?
I think I will.
[Door closes]
Did not see that coming.
I have the combination, but how am I gonna figure out which is the contraband locker?
[Cricket chirping]
[Chirping continues]
[Sighs]
I feel like what I'm doing is cool and dangerous, but I am so disappointed by the choices these students are making.
Yeah. 
Best party ever.
♪ Turn down for what ♪
What do you mean if you could live in any era, you'd pick now?
Paris in the '20s was obviously the right answer.
Hey, I'd like to propose a toast to our leader, Kenny.
- To Kenny!
- [Cheering]
♪ Turn down for what ♪
All right. 
Hand goes up, mouth goes closed.
What? 
No.
Um, hands... hands down, mouths open!
Yeah! 
What are you doing?
- Shut it down.
- Are you kidding?
This is the greatest party that has ever been thrown at a Central Illinois Catholic youth retreat, and I did it.
Come on, Kenny! 
This is not you.
You don't throw parties. 
You're not cool.
You swallowed your mouthwash and had to lie down because you felt woozy.
Yeah, well, shutting down parties isn't you.
Come on. 
Walk away. 
Let this happen.
No can do, son.
I've been given a great responsibility as Faith Leader, and I have to fulfill it.
Don't...
[Whistle blows]
- [Music stops] 
- All right. 
Party's over.
Hell, no! 
We won't go!
All: [Chanting] Hell, no! 
We won't go!
- Hell, no!
- You did this to yourself.
Ow, ow, I'm getting woozy.
Oh, this sucks! 
I can't believe your brother's making us do these stupid apology letters.
Ah, Jimmy ruined everything.
I wish we could think of a way to get him back.
Yeah.
Oh, we could put gum in his whistle.
Yeah. 
That'll take the wind out of his sails.
Or we could totally humiliate him by saran-wrapping him in his underwear in the middle of the auditorium.
I mean, that is a total Jimmy move.
Okay. 
Let's meet up outside the auditorium.
Everyone's next door watching "The Ten Commandments,"
so that only leaves us 3 hours and 40 minutes to pull this off.
Let's do this!
All right!
This is it.
I'm having my legendary night and I'm gonna shut down Jimmy for good.
It's all coming together.
What the...
Man: 
Hello, Kenny.
Oh, great. 
Why are you here?
Well, it is my weekend, buddy.
Woman: 
We meet again.
Jesus.
Hey, Maleficent.
She's still your dark side?
I thought you'd outgrow her.
Turns out you never outgrow an evil queen.
What you're thinking about doing now is a doozy.
Are you going to take advice from a man who uses the word "doozy"?
Right. 
Jimmy did steal my glory, Jesus.
This was supposed to be my weekend, and he took it from me.
Of course he did.
And you're bitter and seek revenge.
And those are natural urges.
If you bottle them up, you'll get cancer.
And she's obviously insane.
Look, I-I know you're disappointed about not getting Faith Leader, but just because you didn't get the thing that you want doesn't mean you have to be someone you're not.
Think about your brother.
Think about cancer.
♪ ♪
There she is.
Oh.
We know you're mad at us, and you have every reason to be.
We got a little carried away with Sam.
The truth is, I saw Pat with a new friend, and I just... 
I didn't know how to deal with it.
Well, but, you know, making new friends is part of us moving on.
Yeah, but you're moving on first.
But it's not a competition.
- Oh, of course it is, Pat.
- [Sighs]
We've only ever had couple's friends.
And I'm starting to think that they were mainly friends with us
- because of you.
- What?
It's very hard for me to make new friends.
But you just did make a new friend, and she was a lesbian.
That's true. 
That was really big for me.
I mean, that's a good sign of growth.
Are you kidding me?
!
You're doing it again.
Sam's not even here, and this is all about her.
Jodi, I agree with you.
We haven't been treating you like a friend.
Because you're family.
And taking loved ones for granted is what family does best.
Keep going.
We promise we'll do better.
Do you promise to sing classic '80s duets with me and only me?
- Promise.
- Promise.
Even meat loaf's "I would do anything for love but I won't do that"?
[Sighs] Sure.
I won't do that.
I'll draw up the paperwork.
I tried it on, but being a badass doesn't fit me after all.
Jimmy, where are you going?
Drew and his crew are messing around outside the auditorium.
Mm, no, you can't go there.
Well, I'm the faith leader.
I can do whatever I want.
It's a trap!
They're gonna saran-wrap your balls to your face.
Okay, that's not physically possible.
And why... why should I even trust you?
Because I'm not...
The type of person who pranks his own brother.
Look, I'm sorry that I made your job really hard.
I was just jealous that you got it over me.
Well, look, I'm jealous of you.
When I was writing you up for the party, the only thing that I wrote was "sweet party."
Well, you would have thrown a better one.
Thank you.
But you are right.
You... you deserve it.
[Sighs] I really wish that you could be Faith Leader.
[Sighs] I wish you could go back to being the leader of the crew.
Jimmy, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Unlikely.
Okay.
Uh, well, here's the plan.
Kenny: 
Let me out!
Let me out!
No way! 
You're getting pranked!
Man.
Holy crap!
Was this your plan the whole time?
A-a double cross? 
That's genius.
Yeah. 
Let's get out of here.
We can steal people's phones and take pictures of our junk!
I was looking for something to send to Miss Anna.
Ah!
We are not spies.
That's something I had to do to make you safe.
And now that you are, I ain't gonna see you strung up for some business don't concern us at all.
You understand me?
Or you need me to write that down?
When... when is Miss Shippen to be married, sir?
As soon as her sister is engaged.
It's the only barrier between her and... and...
A-Arnold.
Her sister Betsy?
Could be weeks.
It could be months.
It could be months.
I need privacy.
"Dear Miss Shippen,
I am pleased to hear from Miss Franks of your impending union.
Allow me to wish you the greatest joy.
Your friends here remark how they hope one day to meet your future husband, but they well understand the obstacles to such a meeting.
And though they miss you dreadfully, they know you are doing everything you can to ensure the brightest future possible."
Mr. Goodrich, I don't know what else to tell you.
- Just listen to us, Edward.
- What can I possibly do?
Speak to him. 
Speak reason to him.
Benedict Arnold is military commandant of Philadelphia and he is the highest power in this city.
We can no longer tolerate this, Edward.
Arnold uses his station to line his own pockets at the expense of our interests.
- Your interests?
- Yours as well.
His reach extends to the shipping lines.
- He's to be your family.
- What do you expect me to do?
The Continental Army answers to the Continental Congress.
If they were to be made aware of his abuses...
Oh, fine, yes. 
You should do that.
Me? 
I was hoping you would be the one.
We should all go to Congress and speak.
He's your relation.
No, I couldn't possibly!
Boy. 
Boy, come here.
You look like a sweet lad.
May I ask you to run this letter in through that door, drop it on the big desk just inside, and then run back out?
Who's it for?
If you're too frightened, I understand.
What do I get for it?
Well, a kiss, of course.
You've got yourself a deal.
Mary.
Oh, gentlemen.
Good God, man, you...
you smell a fright.
- It's farm work.
- Ooh.
- Abe.
- Oh, there you are.
I've been seeding all morning and I'm dead starving, so...
It's because you forgot vittles again.
Come here.
You forget your stomach, it'll be the death of you.
Take some fruit.
Well, actually, maybe I should take dinner whilst I'm here 'cause I might not be back until late.
Dinner's not ready yet, but there's pork outside in the smokehouse.
That sounds good, yeah.
I'll take a look.
I've only a few more rows left to plant, so shouldn't be too much longer.
All right? 
You... kiss that boy for me.
Major.
Mary, I feel as if we should open some windows.
Rebecca.
You already know what I've come here to say.
I failed.
Failed to save our firstborn from being killed in battle.
And failed to raise our second as a moral man, and for that I'm... 
I'm so sorry.
Though all is not lost, thank God.
I may not have been able to save Abraham... but there is still hope in young Thomas.
Perhaps the mistakes I made in raising our son can be corrected through his own.
I swear I will dedicate my life to him and this time I will not fail.
All that remains is to ask your forgiveness and grant me the strength
to do what I must.
Dead.
Dead. 
Dead. 
Dead.
"What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive."
You know "Macbeth," boy?
Yeah, I just need to concentrate on this.
And you're wrong about André, by the by.
It ain't revenge I'm after, it's justice.
All men are created equal.
Mmm, the Declaration.
I read it, you know.
All men are created equal.
That's the truth that His Majesty Farmer George can't face.
That's what really terrifies him.
It really does and that's what all those cowards like Tommy Gage and Johnny André all run away from.
All those commissioned officers who look down on me, spat on me, took credit for my scalps,
cursed me with half pay.
They saw themselves above me.
They refused to treat me like an equal just as Britain refuses America.
I mean to teach them different by the justice I deliver to John André.
That will be my Declaration before I leave these colonies.
That they were never better than me.
Sorry, what was that?
Serves me right, I suppose.
Come on, come on.
Let's move a body.
So if I plant cabbage now...
Hurry.
If I plant now, you reckon loose heads?
Eh? 
Oh, aye.
When I was a lad, we used to plant cabbages back up in Mountalona.
And if you plant later in the fall, you get less maggots, too.
You hear that?
Run.
Run!
Halt.
Dismount.
It's Eastin.
You are truly the most beautiful woman in all of England and America.
Thank you.
Do you like the house?
It's for you.
- It's all for you.
- It's very grand.
- I must be getting back now.
- No, no, no, stay.
Stay, please.
General Arnold!
Go.
Go there.
General Arnold!
Check the inventory against the manifest.
What is this?
A warrant signed by Congress.
I want it all marked.
Signed by you.
This is a bloody writ of assistance.
- Do you serve Great Britain now?
- Do you?
For amongst the many charges lain against you, most disturbing is the use of military wagons to offload the Charming Nancy, a known smuggling vessel.
An action which could be seen as trafficking with the enemy.
The enemy? 
How?
Don't touch that!
- What charges, man?
- Six in total.
And they have been sent to Congress and to General Washington.
Charges of corruption, of impropriety, and perhaps worse.
Since those charges are lies,
I will assume that you have no evidence to back up this slander that I will see you charged with.
What is that?
An anonymous letter sent by a concerned Patriot led us to your nest of schemes and bad business.
Anonymous?
I will fight these charges to the bitter end.
- All done, sir.
- I will see you there.
Benedict... are these things true?
No.
They are the attacks of an anonymous coward who thinks he can hide behind a disgrace like Reed.
No, this will go away by morning.
In the meantime, I think it best that you return home for tonight.
I asked not to be disturbed.
I'm afraid I must.
Oh, Richard.
I heard about Corporal Eastin.
I don't know how he's done it with his Rangers deployed, but Simcoe has somehow managed to strike a double blow against me.
I suppose it is the perfect alibi.
What do you mean?
Not only has he killed another one of my men, but now he has apparently poisoned
Major André's trust with me.
His letter from New York indicates that he is not interested in hearing what intelligence
Abraham has gathered about the Sons of Liberty.
Perhaps it's for the best that you don't send Abraham to New York anymore.
What are you talking about?
I'm... 
I'm talking about my son.
I've come here after much deliberation to inform you that he is a criminal,
a traitor against the Crown, and that he is and has been for some time... a spy for the Continental Army.

[voice-mail beeps] Hey, Josh.
Where you been, man?
I've been texting you all week.
I just downloaded the "Blade" trilogy, and I got some new weed called Chupacabra's Nightmare.
It'll get you messed up!
Anyway, hang out with me.
Bye.
[militaristic music]
♪ ♪
Hey, guys.
How can I help you?
We're looking for Josh's best friend.
That's me. 
Come on in.
Can I offer you gentlemen some beers?
Thank you, we're fine.
You sure? 
It's no trouble at all.
If you're looking for Josh, he's on his way over here right now, so... [can cracks open] [sighs] I'm afraid Josh won't be coming over to hang out tonight.
Why not?
He got a girlfriend.
[gasps] [somber music, beer splashing]
I-I-I-I-I-I just...
I don't understand.
How could this have happened?
He was walking alone through a party late at night.
Visibility was low.
A woman named Kelly heard him talking "House of Cards."
And she said she also liked watching "House of Cards."
No.
They hooked up that night.
If it's any consolation, it was over pretty quick.
Anyway, they're a thing now.
So... so... so how...
how long until he can hang out again?
[melancholy piano music]
Son, it's not that simple.
This new girlfriend of his, she's really hot.
It's like when you first see her, it's like, "Whoa, she's hot!"
He's gonna want to be with her 24/7.
Doctors say he may never hang again.
You're wrong. 
Josh is a fighter, okay?
I'm his best friend!
He's gonna hang out with me again!
Son, you have our deepest sympathies.
What? 
No!
[stammering]
You guys want to watch the "Blade" trilogy?
It's already downloaded.
Actually, we just watched that, like, two weeks ago.
It's really fun, but skip the third one.
Really?
Trailer's great, but don't let that fool you.
Okay.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪ [trilling] [laughs]
See, I told you it wouldn't be too spicy.
You were right.
She was very worried that it would be too spicy.
But I told you. 
Who knows you, huh?
- You do.
- Know the answer?
Yeah, it's me.
Mike, it was so nice meeting you.
I got to go.
- No!
- Yeah.
- I'm so sad when you leave.
- I know. 
I know.
I'm sad when she leaves.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Bye.
I... 
I'll tell you, I'm smitten.
I can tell.
Tonight, we're gonna make a salade nicoise, which apparently is a salad that you, like, eat for dinner.
No, no, no, you can't tonight.
We got plans.
What, what plans?
We were gonna get high and talk onto the fan.
I remember we said that would be a funny thing to do, but they weren't, like, definite plans.
I mean, it wasn't a definite plan, but...
Exactly.
Isn't she amazing?
But it was...
See ya!
We talked about... mm.
Great news, bro.
Crazy Wings paid off their health fines, which means they can legally serve food again, and guys' night is back.
- Yeah, cool, man.
- _
- So you'll be there Friday?
- _
- Yeah, sure.
- _
- So this is a plan, right?
- _
- A definite plan.
- _
- Yeah, it's a definite plan.
- _
- Awesome!
- _
- Okay, great. 
I'll see you there.
- _
Wings are getting cold.
We wait for Josh.
[phone buzzes]
Ha, it's him.
"Hey, man, sorry.
"Feeling kind of beat.
Gonna stay in and hang with Kel."
Goddamn it, man!
Don't you guys see what's happening here?
First, he cuts our hours.
Next thing you know, we're part-time.
Then whoops, there goes guys' night.
Whoops, there goes the email chain.
I don't know about you sons of bitches, but I am not gonna take this lying down.
[militaristic music]
Look, we're all here for the same reason, right?
Since Josh got this new girlfriend, we have all been feeling squeezed.
But if we want a strong negotiation, we need to go to him with specific demands, okay?
Uh, Liz, you go first.
I would like my brother Josh to accompany me to Nana's house so that I have someone to nudge when she says all that racist stuff.
Good, okay.
Uh, Tom.
I think it would be nice if Josh took a few minutes every now and again to help me with that Macintosh.
Just when it does that spinning ball thing, you know?
'Cause every time I try and do anything... you know, Hotmail, my "Tetris"...
I keep getting that darn ball.
Have you used... have you seen this thing?
More computer help. 
We got it, Tom.
Swirly rainbow ball.
100%. 
Thank you. 
Is that everything?
Not by a long shot.
[suspenseful music]
I've been working as Josh's mom for 28 years, and I want him to honor our original agreement.
I want to feed him every four hours and give him a bath before bedtime.
I want to wash his tushy and his dinky and his bobos!
- Okay, enough.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Okay.
I want to wash them!
Uh, look... [somber music]
We might not get all of our demands.
But, God damn it, I'll try.
[triumphant music] [applause and cheers]
♪ ♪
And finally, most importantly, my personal demands.
I am willing to go from 40 hours of "Call of Duty" a week down to 35.
When we go out to the bars, we don't have to get completely shit-housed, but we do have to get hammered.
Lastly... and this one, I simply cannot budge on... we need to smoke weed every day.
Wow, okay.
I mean, Michael, you are living in a dream world.
The landscape is changing.
The reality is, I have a girlfriend, and I... 
I quite enjoy her company.
So here's what we're prepared to offer.
[dramatic music] [whispers] Wings once a week.
Wings once a week.
And?
And we think that's a very fair and generous offer.
It's interesting.
Yeah, yeah, allow me to counter.
How about you take that offer and you shove it up your girlfriend-loving ass?
Okay, I think we've had just about enough of this.
Yes, um... you just lost wings.
[haunting music]
♪ ♪
You just lost wings.
♪ ♪
Yeah, no, enough!
We got it!
You guys [Bleep] that up!
You [Bleep] it up for me!
- Oh!
- Mm!
Oh, you want to watch another episode?
- Do you? 
Yes.
- Yeah.
I got nowhere to be.
More hangout! 
More hangout! 
More hangout!
What is that?
That is... that is... that is nothing.
Uh, just stay put one second.
Okay.
I'll be right back.
All: 
More hangouts! 
More hangouts!
Wait, look!
All right, hi, everyone.
Sorry, I just wanted to give everyone an update.
So Kelly and are inside watching "Mr. Robot,"
and that's not gonna change, but if you want to join us, on our terms, there's a spot for all of you on the couch.
No way, man.
We're not gonna cave, okay?
It... it's not a hangout if Kelly's there.
It's a couples thing.
Please. 
Come on, man.
I'm your best friend.
I'm sorry, Mike.
[somber music]
I have to say,
I am a little curious to meet the famous Kelly.
Maybe I'll just pop in for a quick look.
What? 
No!
Tom!
Dude, I got to use the bathroom.
Do not cross the picket line!
Come on!
No, hey!
Guys, get back here now.
Guys!
Sorry, man.
It's over.
Some battles, you just can't win.
[somber music]
♪ ♪ [megaphone screeches]
So what are you up to this weekend?
You and Mike gonna get into some trouble?
Well, well... uh, Mike and I aren't really hanging out that much lately.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You know, it's okay, 'cause it means that I get that much more time to hang out with you.
What should we do this weekend?
We can yoga, flea markets...
I have that thing this weekend, remember?
Uh-uh, no. 
What... what thing?
I'm going to the cabin with my high school friends.
I thought I told you.
Yeah, yeah, no, that's cool.
I'll figure something else to do.
I just... tacos.
Tacos for one.
It would... it would be really boring for you, but...
I guess if you wanted... to come...
Nnnnnnnnnn!
Are you serious?
I would love to!
All right, I'll start packing now.
Have you seen my trunks?
Not... don't answer that.
Half the fun is finding.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
Hey, guys!
- Hey!
- Hey!
[screams]
All: 
The Kelster!
Guys, this is my boyfriend, Josh.
Um, the Joshster.
[bird cawing]
It could be a thing. 
It could be.
You know what?
We should shotgun some beers!
[all cheer] [stammering]
Are sure it's cool for me to be here?
- You're gonna fit right in.
- All right.
[light music]
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
♪ ♪ [all laughing]
This place has some memories, man.
Yeah, like when Spencer ate too much pizza and blew chunks in the hot tub.
All: 
More cheese, please!
Will I ever live that down?
What is that? 
What is that?
Oh, it's stupid.
It's just an inside joke.
You kind of had to be there.
My friends and I, we have inside jokes too.
[crickets chirping, flames crackling]
That was also the summer... [suspenseful music]
Everything changed.
And we were forever linked.
[suspenseful music crescendos]
Sorry, why... why?
Why... why are you forever linked?
Again, it's so stupid.
But there was this one time after prom we were all driving to this very cabin, and things got a little out of hand, and we accidentally ran over a lumberjack.
We buried him in the woods, but then he was resurrected by the devil.
[eerie music]
I guess you kind of had to be there.
No... no, I... 
I get it completely.
Wow, look at this, a puzzle!
All right, now we're in business.
Guys, look at this.
- [suspenseful music] - _
Are we doing the puzzle or not?
The lumberjack is back!
- We killed him.
- I'm so scared.
We're all gonna die.
We're all gonna die.
Oh, sorry, man.
I meant we were all gonna die.
Just us.
Oh, I get it.
♪ ♪
[sighs loudly] [somber music]
_
The Blade had returned a second time and fallen right into my trap.
Some Blades, it seems, are not so sharp.
_
Damn it.
[sighs] [suspenseful music] [screams]
Who are you?
I'm Kelly's boyfriend.
I just kind of tagged along.
Oh.
[roaring]
♪ ♪ [people yelling and screaming] [blade slashing]
Hey, you.
Oh, hi, hi.
How... how's the lumberjack thing going?
Well, Jamal's dead, so that was pretty intense.
Are you having fun?
Yeah!
Yeah, I guess.
Hey, what's wrong?
It's just you and your friends have, like, a secret history that I'm not a part of, with the nicknames and the undead lumberjack.
I just feel like maybe we haven't gotten the chance to hang out that much.
Okay, well, what do you want to do?
You... you can help me with this puzzle.
Sure.
All right, good.
So I've been trying to tackle the clouds... [screaming]
Which is actually tricky business, because they look a lot like the pond and also just white stuff.
- Get the axe!
- I got it!
Oh, hey, here. 
Let me pick your brain.
Does this look like a part of a bird or a piece of a pussy willow to you?
Oh, oh. 
Oh!
[blade slashing] Hey, hey, Kel?
I'm gonna try and lure him!
Bird, pussy willow?
-  Spencer, no!
- I don't know, a bird? 
[gasps]
You didn't even look.
Oh... 
I didn't... come on.
I didn't come all this way to do stupid puzzle.
You think this puzzle's stupid?
[people screaming]
There's so much blood!
So what would you like to do?
- It's everywhere!
- Oh, my God!
Uh...
[groans]
I want to hang out with my friends.
[suspenseful music]
I just think it's bullshit that you invited me all the way up here just to ignore me.
I didn't invite you.
You invited yourself.
Yes, because I've alienated Mike and all my friends so I could hang out with you more.
I never asked you to do that.
And, honestly, I think it's weird that you stopped hanging out with your friends.
Huh, you want to know what I think is weird?
That you guys still come to a cabin that you know for a fact is haunted by an undead lumberjack!
[flames whooshing]
The fire's making him stronger!
Run!
Run!
I'm... 
I'm sorry, Josh.
I don't think I can do this anymore.
No! 
[blade slashing] [screaming] [somber music]
♪ ♪ [gunshot]
Who would've guessed that Blade would thrice return and thrice would fall right into my...
What's up? 
It's Mike. [voice-mail beeps]
Hey, hey, it's Josh.
So yeah.
I'm in your hood, so let me know if you want to hang out.
Cool, bye.
[light music]
♪ ♪
Josh.
Crazy Wings!
Where's Kelly at?
I thought you guys were pretty much hanging full-time.
Uh, yeah, that... it didn't really work out.
Uh, I tried to hang out with her friends, but it just made me realize that I've much rather be hanging out with you.
So let's finish the "Blade" trilogy.
I finished it a while ago.
Oh, cool, all right, we can watch something else.
Look, Josh.
I'm sorry your relationship ended, but we can't just go back to the way we were.
Could we just hang out?
Is dinner ready?
Not yet, sweetheart.
Why don't you go set the table?
Who's that?
Don't you recognize her?
The dark eyes, the nervous way she carries herself?
She's our daughter, Josh.
[somber music]
♪ ♪
How? 
How did this happen?
How do you think it happened?
We accidentally jizzed into the same toilet, and then it got struck by lightning.
And that resulted in a child?
It is so easy for you to show up here asking questions now that it's convenient for you.
Well, I want you to know that we are doing just fine without you.
Mike...
Thank you for stopping by.
I appreciate the wings.
Dad, are... are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine, Sophie.
Just... 
I got something in my eye. [crying]
He told me you were dead.
No, I'm not dead...
I'm very much alive.
And I... 
I would like to be Mike's friend again.
I think that's bullshit.
[somber music]
♪ ♪
You... you told her I was dead?
It's easier than telling her the truth:
that you abandoned us.
Ugh.
Okay, I messed up, but I can... 
I can fix this.
I can be better.
I don't know. 
Josh.
I just... 
I don't know.
How about I take Sophie for a nice day tomorrow?
If you're gonna do this, you better do it right, 'cause I will be damned if I let you disappoint us again.
You got it.
Do you like your sandwich?
I think it sucks.
Right.
Would you maybe want to eat something else, like dessert?
We can get dessert, like... let's get one hot fudge sundae with extra cherries, please.
That's for you.
Maraschino cherries aren't even legally food.
Yeah.
So you like to draw.
I guess.
Would it be cool if I took a little peak or...
Whatever. 
It's stupid anyway.
You did that?
These are amazing.
I...
You... wow.
Wow!
I think the dragon's my favorite.
I just started drawing dragons.
Oh, yeah, so why don't you tell me, who's... who's this?
Her name's Malizar.
She shoots fire out of her snout.
Hmm.
I bet sometimes you feel like shooting fire.
[light music]
♪ ♪
Do you want to see some Elven Warriors?
I would love to.
Incredible.
Even more incredible.
[door opens]
Hey, there they are!
How was your day?
It wasn't lame.
Whoa!
Big compliment from the Soph.
[chuckles]
Um, well, I should probably get going.
Are you staying for dinner?
I... well, it's up to Mike.
Why don't you go wash up, sweetheart?
Mike, I know I missed a lot:
the ending of the "Blade" trilogy, the birth of our daughter.
I just want to make up for lost time, man.
I... will you give me one more shot?
Will you be my best friend again?
Sophie!
Yeah?
Set another place at the table.
I was just about to order wings.
You got everything, right, sweetie?
Your laptop, your pencils, your erasers.
Oh, and those boots you love.
Did you remember the boots?
Yes, I have everything.
[chuckles]
I'm really glad you guys are friends again.
It's pretty cool.
College already.
I can't believe it.
I know.
Seems like only yesterday she was crawling out of that toilet.
Yeah.

DEMON TONGUE
DEMON TONGUE
Subrip: 
Pix
Subrip: 
Pix
All right, you two, time for bed.
Daddy'll be home soon.
And don't forget to brush your teeth, and I'll be up to tuck you in.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the lord my soul to keep.
Now I can be with them forever.
Like a good Mommy.
Carolyn?
Shit.
Alex?
Jayden?
911, what's your emergency?
911, what's your emergency?
Hello?
For my family.
Mommy!
Hey.
Did you get the batteries?
Batteries?
For what?
For this weekend.
I texted you last night.
I'm sorry, I totally forgot.
Do you even care about Harris' class?
I don't know, I guess.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Hey, do you wanna get a cup of coffee?
We can go to Sherry's and then get the batteries.
Hey Sherry, can we get the usual, please?
Thank you.
You sure you're up for this, again?
I'll be fine.
You promise you'll tell me if you have any bad or crazy feelings?
We'll get you out of there.
I will.
Don't worry, my protector will be there.
That's right.
Jacob.
So, how are you two doing?
We're talking, I guess.
Talking?
Just talking?
Yes, just talking, like normal human beings.
So what about you and Ethan?
I don't know.
We talk, and then we rip each other's clothes off.
My gosh.
You are so bad.
So where is this new place, anyway?
I don't know.
Ethan said something like it's in the woods.
In the woods, that's all he said?
He Said it's a surprise.
He said that we would love it.
I already don't even like it.
I've read a few things about outdoor hauntings, and they're all bad.
They're like, really, really rare, too.
There's not a physical structure involved, like a house with walls and doors and stuff?
It's almost impossible to document anything.
They could be anywhere.
Everywhere.
How are we supposed to do this?
Well he said to meet at the quad at eight, and then bring enough stuff for the weekend.
I can't believe that is all that he told you.
This better not be another one of his stupid jokes.
Madison, Maddie!
Are you okay?
Madison.
Madison, are you okay?
Maddie?
Madison!
Maddie, are you okay?
Are you still freaking out about the last one?
No, I'm not freaking out.
Okay, I'm sorry.
You just went off somewhere else.
No, I'm sorry.
I just, I thought I heard something.
I don't know, I'm just way too sensitive to things.
Damn it.
Maybe I am a freak.
No!
Nobody thinks that.
Who said that?
Was it Ethan?
I will kick his ass right now, he is such a dick.
No, no, no.
Ethan's fine.
This goes way back.
My grandmother used to say she could communicate with the dead.
She could move things with her mind.
Said she could bend spoons and stuff.
Everybody thought she was insane.
And I'm probably a nutcase, too.
That stuff has nothing to do with you.
And besides, the only thing that I've seen you bend, is your elbow.
Thank you.
I was seven when she died.
After the funeral,
I was trying to catch a nap on the porch.
It was the middle of July, like 95 degrees.
And suddenly I felt so cold.
And that's when I saw her.
Your grandmother?
It was just a glimpse.
Really blurry, but I knew it was her.
She had this warm smile that filled me with love.
I couldn't make out what she said, but she definitely said something.
Then she vanished, and that was it.
That's cray-cray.
Well, what do you say we head over to my room and document some footage from last week?
Do we have to?
I mean, what could be more boring?
From Ethan, batteries, SD card, condoms.
Magnum, of course.
Such a classy guy.
Okay, let's go.
We'll get the batteries and the SD cards at Tech Shack.
But you're on your own for the other items.
I don't know why I always have to get the condoms.
And you know, at the top, it kinda curves...
Stop right there.
I am totally okay with not knowing
- Okay.
- About his junk.
He's here for you.
Hey, you okay?
Yeah, it was just sudden.
Hey, Ethan, can we slow it down just a little bit?
What's a matter?
Am I too much for you to handle?
I better be the only one knowing how you handle.
You know you are.
God, get a room.
How much further, Chloe?
About two miles.
And Ethan, it's time to get a GPS.
For what?
I got something right here that points north all the time.
Just for you.
Completely unnecessary, dude.
I thought you two were friends long enough to know that he treats women like objects.
Zing!
The prude strikes again.
Hey, let's talk about the so-called haunt.
So-called?
Sounds like someone's scared.
No I'm not.
Yeah, right!
You're about to piss your pants.
She's about to piss her pants.
Okay, how many investigations have we done for spooky class and seen one legit sign of a ghost?
Four, and that would be the Supernatural Phenomenon in Modern Society class.
You'd know that if you'd ever show up.
I just did it for the easy A.
Yeah, says the one pulling a C minus.
Last time I tell you my grades, douche bag.
That's okay.
I'm totally not into you for your grades.
Did you see Jurassic Park?
Gonna be up for this?
Yeah, I'll be fine.
- Got it?
- Yeah.
Thanks.
Careful with the cameras.
And the laptops.
Dude, you could give us a hand.
Somebody has to man the camera.
Ever heard of a tripod?
"Ever hear of a tripod?"
We got one last thing here.
I'll get the cooler.
I'll grab this.
I got it.
Why would a place in Pennsylvania be called Gators Grill?
I know, right?
I mean, who would name a place so far north after a reptile that's only found in...
That'd be me.
University of Florida, class of 88.
Hey, you must be Mr. Scott, the owner of this fine establishment.
You're late.
I thought the University was sending me a group of experienced ghost hunters?
That's us.
You're kids.
I can't believe I'm wasting my money on a group of college kids.
Who'd you expect, Ghost Busters?
Are you trying to be funny?
No, sir, Mr. Scott.
All right, let's go.
Hey baby, smile for the camera.
Hi.
One of my bartenders committed suicide a year ago at the Halloween party.
And the rumors on that goddamn Facebook, start saying the place is haunted.
It scared everyone off.
Your job is to spend the weekend here and certify that there's nothing going on.
Check?
Hey toots.
But what if we find evidence of a paranormal phenomenon?
What?
You know, like a ghost.
Then get rid of it.
Well can you at least show us where people have claimed to experience the most activity?
How the hell should I know?
It's down there somewhere, it's everywhere.
Pick a spot.
I'll be back Monday morning.
Pick this, douchebag.
Seriously.
Come on, guys, let's go bust some ghosts.
You got that?
Yeah, I got the cooler, too.
That's, fair.
I almost feel like we're gonna fall right through.
It's fucking sand.
Thrillsville.
I don't like it.
The other places we investigated were more modern.
Probably why we didn't find anything.
Yeah.
Well, we'd better find something.
I have to get an A.
Maybe we should get set up before dark.
Good idea.
Ghosts and goblins tend to run around at night.
Do you maybe wanna go help me set up some cameras on the other side of court?
Sure.
Hey.
Now that is a view.
I'll be taking that.
Way to ask, dick.
Maddie?
What's wrong?
I feel something, so cold.
Maybe this is where the suicide happened.
God.
All right, first camera is operational.
Check.
Second camera, check.
Okay.
I think I'm gonna go help Chloe unpack.
What?
You know I can patch up to 20 different camera feeds to my laptop.
We're gonna cover every inch of this place.
Madison!
Maddie!
Maddie!
Jesus, looks like you've seen a ghost.
Did you?
That would get us an A.
I haven't seen a spirit fully manifest yet,
I can only sense their presence.
Well, have you ever tried to, you know, develop it?
Professor Harris has been helping me a little bit.
Yeah, I bet he has.
Ethan, do you hear me?
Ethan.
Something's out here, get out here.
Hurry up.
What's up?
I heard some really strange noises, man.
And then I saw...
Saw what?
Eyes.
Red eyes.
Are you sure you saw something?
Yes.
Try the meter.
All right.
You sure you know how to work that?
Yes, I do.
What's it say?
It just spiked.
Do you feel that?
That cold?
- What's it say?
- Jesus!
Christ!
What's it say?
Damn, man, now you got me all spooked.
Come on.
41.
No, wait, 46, 47, 53.
Temperature's returning to normal.
You guys don't seriously think there's a ghost out there, do you?
Something's out there.
What do you think it was?
I'm not so sure I wanna find out.
Yeah, I don't suppose.
At least the battery's charged.
Did you just see that?
What?
What is it?
I swear I just saw a shadow move across the sand, through the court, up into the woods in that direction.
Which one?
That one, in the back.
I Don't see anything.
Come on, let's check it out.
Well?
Well what about them?
I'm not gonna wait around for them.
Come on, let's go.
Wait for me.
Come on, down this way.
The EMF reader's getting some really strong signals.
The signal's getting stronger.
- What?
- God.
Well, I guess we gotta check this out.
Seriously?
We'll get this whole thing done before those two even know we're gone.
I don't know, Jacob.
Hey, let's be the first ones to find this ghost and end this thing once and for all.
Fine.
This is disgusting.
My...
It looks like they built the cabana on top of an old house.
But never backfilled it.
I wonder why that old crazy Mr. Scott didn't tell us about this.
He Probably doesn't know.
Yeah, you're right.
- Wait.
- What?
Shine your light back over there.
That's some creepy shit.
You know what that means?
No clue.
I don't recognize the language.
Could be...
Ancient rune?
Well let's snap a picture, send it to Professor Harris.
He'll know what it is.
What?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Was that the doors?
Probably just the wind outside.
It sounded like it was from in here.
Can we leave?
It's getting colder.
Yeah, let's get outta here.
Let's get outta here.
I need a smoke.
I have some in my bag.
You don't have to put that on, yet.
My blouse?
It's probably under the table.
Chloe?
What happened?
I think something scratched me.
Could it have been a cat?
Does this look like a fucking cat to you?
Careful, Ethan.
Come on, Ethan, stop messing around.
Ethan?
You are such an asshole.
Way to handle the situation, genius.
Don't touch me.
Chloe, I'm sorry, okay, it was just a joke.
You know how I felt, and you went too far as usual.
Hey, guys.
Look, I hate to interrupt, but Madison and I found something that might explain all this weirdness.
I took the EMF reader, buried the needle.
And...
Let me guess, you found something out near where you had your little freakout earlier?
Well yeah, but this...
You know, between you acting like an old broad and her freakshow, it's a wonder...
Freakshow.
Bad word choice, ass.
Regardless, okay, you're just seeing what you wanna see.
Besides, we all know who the asshole is playing games around here.
One little joke, and you get sand all up in your meat muffin?
I mean seriously, what...
Chloe?
No, I will talk to her.
You try to talk some sense into your ignorant friend.
I'm not ignorant, I'm rude, okay?
Huge difference, dear.
Man.
You're one piece of work, bro.
How's your arm?
Hurts like hell.
He didn't mean to upset you.
Of course he did.
Okay, but, are you really surprised?
No.
I mean, I was just hoping that, one day he'd grow up, you know?
Probably not going to happen.
Listen, once you sift through all of his BS, he does care about you.
But as your friend, I'm telling you, either accept him as he is, or move on.
Jacob, Jacob.
Jacob.
So is anything going on?
Check it out, it might be an EVP.
Maybe.
It's here!
Madison!
Maddie!
What the hell are you doing?
Madison?
Jacob.
I saw him at the tree line!
- Professor Harris?
- Jacob?
I have been doing some research.
Well what the hell is it?
It would certainly seem that your group has definitely stumbled upon something.
Stay put, I'll see you tomorrow.
I saw it at the tree line!
At the tree line!
Professor Harris?
Professor Harris?
Well what the hell is it?
Chloe.
Ethan.
He wants you.
Hopefully you.
Yeah.
Where we going?
Okay, babe, what are you up to?
Don't you want me?
All right, I always want you, but what the hell?
Come on, Ethan.
Where's your sense of adventure?
You wanna go down there?
Pretty please?
Fuck it.
Okay, wait, wait.
Wait a minute.
This is not working for me at all.
Do this for me, and I'll do that thing you wanted.
Right here?
Mmhmm.
I really need to show you something.
Maddie.
Maddie?
Maddie!
Maddie!
Maddie.
Maddie.
Madison!
Come on.
Maddie.
What's going on?
I was hoping maybe you could tell me.
I did this?
You looked far away.
I don't know what's happening.
You were just sleep walking.
Let's get some coffee.
Clear our heads.
Come on.
Did you hear that?
Hear what?
So you don't remember anything from last night?
Hey.
Where's Ethan?
I don't know.
We had a fight last night.
Where did you see him last?
Walking towards the courts.
And he never came back?
I figured he woulda slipped back into bed with me after he cooled off.
I'm going to look for him.
I'll wait here in case he comes back.
Good idea.
Professor Harris is on his way, so you can be here in case he shows before we get back.
Hang on, I'll come with.
Be careful.
I will.
It's kind of ugly, isn't it?
Chloe, where is Ethan?
Most people think sunshine's beautiful.
But the darkness has a charm all of its own.
Chloe, where is Ethan?
He said he was through with the bullshit, and he left.
So now you're saying he left?
I don't know.
Chloe, what is up with this bullshit?
Either you know or you don't know.
All right, you know what?
I don't need any of this goddamn drama.
The drama is just beginning.
What's wrong?
I can't find Ethan anywhere.
And Chloe is acting really strange.
Even for her.
Now she's saying that he left.
He left?
This whole thing doesn't make any sense.
This gig was his idea.
Have you tried calling him or texting him?
There's a good idea.
Ethan, hey man, where are you?
Come on.
I think I know where he is.
Do you remember our little thing yesterday?
Why would he go there?
I explained to him what happened.
Maybe he went to check it out, or blow off some steam.
I mean when he's pissed, he throws himself into his work.
Maybe we should head up there, make sure he's okay.
You know what?
He's hiding in there.
This is another sick joke of his.
Come on, Ethan!
Quite screwing around.
You know what, stay in there for all I care.
Come on, let's head back.
The professor's gonna be here within an hour.
I still feel something awful in here.
Do you think we should leave him?
If he's not back by the time the Professor's here we'll check again.
If he's worried about his grade he'll show.
Fair enough.
I wonder where Chloe is now?
Who knows?
Hey, how about I make us some lunch?
Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.
I'm gonna check the footage from last night.
Okay.
Holy shit, Chloe!
Where were you?
Help me.
Chloe?
Chloe is acting really bizarre.
You saw Chloe?
Where?
Yeah, she just popped out of nowhere.
I was, I had the knife, and I had the sandwich stuff, and then I started putting it together and she just...
You were on your computer.
She looked like she wanted to kill me.
It's okay.
When did you say the professor was coming?
Soon.
I hope.
Are you online?
Yeah, I think.
I have an idea.
For my family.
Mommy!
My gosh.
Those poor children.
What would make a woman do that to her own children?
Burned herself alive, took a couple cops with her.
I mean, shit.
Hey!
Wait.
It says here that they found the remains of a journal.
It says the entries became strange.
Doesn't say much else.
There!
I knew it!
She says she's followed a voice.
I heard that voice.
She was possessed.
I have a sick feeling that there's a lot more going on here than we realize.
Yeah, Professor, just take the path up.
See you in a few.
Professor.
Hola!
You two okay?
Mostly.
What about the other two?
What?
Ethan's missing.
Chloe said he left, and Chloe, well, she's acting, you know.
Odd.
Well, for Chloe, "odd" is kind of normal.
But I am surprised Ethan would just leave.
Have you experienced anything?
I don't know.
I mean, we do have some rather unexplainable footage, and some interesting audio clips.
And of course, the basement.
Yes, I've been doing some research on that symbol that you found.
It's an antecedent of Latin.
You could say a foundation of many languages, written in pantagraph.
Older than Latin?
It's called Stygian.
Otherwise known as demonic speech.
The demon tongue.
And what would that be doing here?
I don't know.
Coulda been a cult, practicing in the area.
The basement we found was part of a house where some brutal murders happened before it burned down.
Did you take any readings there?
Yeah.
The EMF reader spiked at first, but then petered out.
Well, let's have a look at the footage.
Here.
Like I said, I mean, it doesn't mean anything, but,
it just seems rather unexplainable.
Is this what you didn't want us to see earlier with Ethan?
He thought you both were gonna think it was a joke.
Why?
Neither of you speak Latin, I do.
I would've believed you.
Do you know what this means, Jacob?
No.
Roughly translates to "violent or murderous death."
Right?
Yes.
Like that family in the house.
Correct.
Professor, could there have been more incidents, here?
There have been.
What?
I wish I'd researched this place a little more before giving Ethan the okay.
I was just so happy to see him work out a real plan of investigation for our client.
Professor, what else happened here?
God, it doesn't matter now.
Let's just check the basement while we still have some daylight.
Maybe we'll find 'em both there.
I'll get my gear, I'll take you right there.
All right.
Hopefully they're just playing a joke.
Even if in poor taste.
Chloe, have you found Ethan yet?
Professor Harris is here to help.
Chloe, are you all right?
Jacob, give me the EMF meter.
Jesus.
What was that?
Not sure.
Get a closer look at this door over here.
Can we leave?
Not yet, I just wanna get a few more readings from the area.
Your souls.
We need to get the hell out of here.
Can we go now, please?
Okay, yeah, sure, let's go.
Chloe, are you coming?
Chloe, for the last time, where is Ethan?
Around.
You're only hurting your grade by covering for him.
Come on, Chloe, this is beyond funny by now.
If you want him so bad, you go find him.
Maddie, come on, let's focus.
Demonic manipulation.
I really...
What's really going on, here?
Nothing.
We fought, He's playing games.
He's playing games, the end.
Say something, Professor?
No.
Just making sure you're okay.
Until Ethan shows, let's go over what we know so far.
Well, the the Sattva, along with the Rajas and the Tamas make up what's known as the Trigunas.
They're believed to be the three qualities that make up the inner being, the spirit.
The soul.
Now in some cultures, the soul is thought to be a source of energy.
Measured in purity.
In purity.
Passion.
Passion.
And in darkness.
In darkness.
Which are common to all human beings.
Darkness?
Things not of this world.
Though there are those who live without the Sattva, and the Rajas, leaving them only with the Tamas.
Which is the basis of sin.
These dark souls get their power from each other.
The power to do what?
Overthrow other souls.
Replace righteousness with...
Evil.
Sounds kinda serious.
I felt something bad when I touched that symbol last night.
It roughly translates to "loo wa."
Translation?
Literally blood on the beach.
Like the mother in the journal.
I have a friend over at the diocese.
I'm gonna run this over to him.
Get this stuff to him, ask him each.
Chloe, be a dear, give me a hand.
Sure.
Chloe, stop.
Look here, at me.
What would you have me see?
My God.
Don't,
- say that name.
- Say that name.
It doesn't work without true faith, Professor.
True faith, Professor.
Hi, Doctor Harris, this is Madison McDermott, just checking in.
Thought we would've heard back from you by now.
Haven't seen or heard from Chloe, either.
Actually, since you two headed out together.
Anyway, please call me back as soon as you get this, okay?
Thanks, bye.
Maddie?
What the hell?
Maddie?
Maddie!
Maddie.
Maddie.
They want out!
Help me!
I knew you were me.
I knew you were me!
Maddie, this is crazy!
No, leave me 10 jury!
- Maddie.
- Jacob.
Maddie.
It's okay.
I'm okay.
Maddie.
Do you hear that?
There's something here.
And it's coming for me.
Please, help me.
Little girl?
Little girl!
Little girl?
Are you okay?
Do you need help?
Little girl?
Little girl.
Madison, he's coming.
Who, who's coming?
He's here for you.
Maddie.
Maddie?
Maddie!
Maddie!
Shit, Chloe.
What the fuck is that?
Are you okay?
Where is everybody?
Where's Maddie?
I saw you with her.
Fuck, goddamn it, where is she?
This is the last time, what the hell is going on around here?
Poor Jacob, always the last to know.
I'd tell you, but why spoil the fun?
You fucking bitch!
Tell me where she is.
Fuck you, Jacob.
Tell me now!
Maddie?
Maddie!
Maddie, can you hear me?
Maddie.
Can you hear me?
Come on, baby.
You need to wake up, sweetie.
Come on...
She looks kinda cute like that.
You still don't believe.
You still don't believe, do you?
So smart, always looking for the rational explanation.
You know what, fuck you!
He needs her.
Who?
Who needs her?
I need her!
She is to be the vessel of his rebirth.
And we are to serve him!
What are you talking about?
I'm sure you understand procreation.
He can only be reborn through a pure soul.
And she is a virgin.
No you can't escape.
And you will serve me.
You'll feel, so much better.
Sell our souls?
Never!
No!
Crush his head!
So what are you gonna do about it, bitch?
You've caused enough pain.
He's here.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Anybody there?
Honey, honey.
Honey.
What happened?
What happened?
Is it over?
Are you okay?
Where's Jacob?
Where's Jacob?
No, it's okay.
It's okay, I gotcha, I'm here.
You're okay, okay?
I got you, come on.
Come on.

- Good morning.
- Morning.
- Hm.
- Can't believe we're back.
Same stupid timecards.
Same boring beige halls.
Actually, I think that cockroach in the light is new.
Nope, Ernie's been here longer than me.
I'm excited that things are getting back to normal.
No more corporate getting all up in our business.
Oh, you know that the district manager's still here, right?
Jeff? 
What is Jeff still doing he...
You don't think he's trying to find a reasonon to fire me?
- Do you?
- No.
Glenn, why would they fire you?
They just hired you back.
Because they're still mad that I gave Cheyenne maternity leave.
Maybe they think that people, like, just walk all over me.
Like I'm some sort of pathetic Peter.
Oh, come on. 
They don't... they don't think
- you're... that.
- You don't know.
I mean, these corporate guys, they're out for blood.
Okay? 
They are vicious, savage monsters.
- Hey, everybody.
- Hi.
Um, these are welcome back flowers.
- Oh.
- They gave me a packet of, uh, plant food for it, but I left it in the car.
So if they die, I guess, just... throw them away. 
But, anyway... here.
Cool.
You guys have been through a lot in the last two days.
Your manager getting fired.
Everybody walking out.
Not everybody walked out. 
I didn't.
She did, he did, those three.
- I've got a PDF file.
- Great. 
Good.
- Thank you, as always, Dina.
- Welcome.
But the point is, um, that I don't want to just go back to the way things were.
I wanna know what we as a company
- can do better.
- Really?
Great. 
Well, uh...
I think we should start with maternity leave.
Listen up, ladies and jerks, because I am so not in the mood.
- What is happening?
- No idea.
Okay, I know corporate suits probably think
I'm a big, ole softy, but as everyone here knows
I'm a hard-ass boss.
And I act like this every day, not just today.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
What we were talking about when you came in was I wanna...
Everybody here better do their job or you're all going down.
- Ju...
- Oh!
- Just step out.
- Just lift your leg up.
- I can't find...
- You got it.
- Just hold 'em up.
- Get it off me.
- Okay.
- Yeah, all right.
- Get it off me.
- All right, here.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Just...
We'll just... yeah, this is easier.
Oh, boy.
It's just so nice to hear that you actually wanna listen to our concerns.
Yeah, one big thing we've been talking about is the store limiting our hours to avoid...
Sorry, here's what I'd like to do.
I'd just like to take a walk around.
Observe how things work.
We'll meet later and discuss ways that we can all improve.
Oh, sorry, did you just say,
"we can all improve"?
'Cause none of this happened because we weren't doing our jobs well.
Sure, but... everything is a two-way street.
Yeah, but... some things are just... one-way streets.
You need both, you know?
One-way streets are useful in terms of traffic flow whereas I lost track of the point I was trying to make.
Yeah, so here's what I'd like to do.
I'd like to observe how things work when you guys are not in the parking lot screaming like lunatics and then we can go from there.
Think we can handle that?
- I guess we'll see.
- All right.
I'm sorry, we're the ones who need to change?
How about they stop limiting our hours or docking our pay for bathroom breaks?
We are not the ones who need to improve here.
Yeah, we're pretty perfect.
But, look, he wants to hear our complaints.
Yeah, and then not do anything about them.
No matter what we say, he's just gonna be like,
"Well, it's a two-way street, so..."
Wow, that was spot on.
It was like Amy just disappeared.
Look, guys, we just need to be on top of our game today, you know?
Remember that day six months ago where nothing went wrong?
Let's do that today.
March 14th cannot be manufactured.
That's what makes March 14th beautiful.
Okay, well, let's just be on our game, okay?
Okay, you got it.
Attention Cloud 9 shoppers, beef products from Cloud 9 Ranch are now 80% off, but maybe ask yourself why we would do that.
You mean like that?
I'm the kind of hard-ass boss that corporate loves.
- Uh-huh.
- I-I don't allow any jiggerypokery or argle-bargle.
- Mm-hmm.
- Glenn... can I go to the doctor?
I've had a sharp pain in my lower right for days.
There you go. 
Typical argle-bargle.
- Denied.
- Actually... that sounds like appendicitis.
I think you should go to the hospital.
Thank you.
I want to see that appendix on my desk tomorrow, young lady!
Hey, can you tell me where the bathroom is?
It's kind of an emergency.
I exceeded your expectations?
Thank you.
Have a heavenly day.
Hi!
That guy just said I exceeded his expectations.
- Don't know if you heard.
- Nice work.
- I'm Jeff, by the way.
- No, I know.
Mateo. 
We met yesterday?
I was the "loyal, hard-working employee with great skin"?
Uh, so now that everything's back to normal,
I would love to talk to you about my career here at Cloud 9.
Yes, I'm so sorry to do this to you.
I just have a bunch to cover today, but nice to meet you, Ma-tato.
Ma-tato?
Laney, make sure Tate's not trying to sell our customers time shares.
Todd, keep Sal at least 100 feet away from women's wear.
And women in general, if possible.
Why is nobody working the deli?
Oh, right, Dom told me that he just really didn't feel like coming in today and that I should cover for him by telling you that... wait, go back.
Let me take that again.
Dom told me to tell you that his pug, Elmo, fell into a sinkhole in the park.
Just follow me.
Okay, we need to keep the line moving.
We have a lot of hungry, angry people out there.
Uh, you can just say "hangry" now.
It's a new word.
My friend's cousin made it up.
I'll take rolls, veggies, and condiments.
- You start slicing the meat.
- Slicing the meat.
Oh, sweet, always wanted to work this bad boy.
Not totally sure how it works...
Just, um, load the meat and then slice the meat.
Definitely. 
I'm a quick study, so...
- Oh! 
I cut myself.
- Already?
Well, maybe I should do...
Marcus, that looks really bad.
Just a nick. 
It looks worse than it is.
Kinda stings a little.
Marcus, is that your thumb?
Uh... 
I don't know.
You don't know?
Why don't you check?
- I don't wanna.
- Marcus, check!
- I don't want to.
- To see if your thumb is on your hand.
Ah.
I need this thumb for work and driving. 
Door knobs!
We just need to put it in a cold, air-tight container, we'll get it to the hospital, they're reattach it.
- It's easy.
- Promise?
Mm-hmm.
Here. 
This should do it.
Oh, come on, not the guac.
It's all slimy.
You're not gonna feel it.
"Yeah, I've got a whole PDF."
Hey!
Let's break up this loser squad and get back to work.
You guys don't hear anything, do you?
Nope, I can't hear traitors.
Oh, is that so, Peter?
Because I was just coming to tell you that your wife has died.
I just got the call.
I don't have a wife.
Everyone knows I'm gay.
Ha! 
I knew you could hear me.
- In your gay face!
- Come on, guys.
Hey.
I've, uh...
I've been there.
Junior year of high school I lost all the proofs for lit mag and we had to stay up all night relaying it out. 
Everybody hated me.
Especially Becca Fish...
such a Goody Two-shoes, but I killed them with a little thing called kindness, and guess who became the next editor-in-chief.
Well, co-editor.
Worst story I've ever heard.
Look, all I'm saying is with a little effort it's not that hard to get people to like you.
I really don't care if people like me.
Okay, but... don't you find it hard being a boss to people...
That resent you?
Who's the one wearing the blue polo now?
- You do raise a good point.
- Yeah.
I watch a lot of "Dog Whisperer" DVDs and it's always easier to train a bitch
- who enjoys your scent.
- That's exactly what I meant.
Um... 
look, if you need any help...
Pass. 
I can make people like me on my own just fine.
- Oh, hey...
- Yeah?
- I just wanted to say...
- Mm-hmm.
That story really is awful.
I'd tighten it up. 
Add a couple jokes.
Thank you for the feedback.
This website says we have an hour to get you and the thumb to the hospital.
What happens after an hour?
Um... nothing, it's just a good number to shoot for.
- Why are you limping?
- I stubbed my toe picking up the thumb. 
It really stings.
Oh, damn it! 
Okay, act natural.
Hey, there.
Everything okay with you guys?
Yeah. 
Yeah.
We were just organizing these batteries.
I just have a couple questions about shift assignments.
Oh, uh, Glenn, I forgot to mention those skateboarders are back.
Oh, Jeff, come with me.
Now... now, those girls are big for 12, but there's two of us, so it'll be a fair fight this time.
Oh...
Okay.
Who broke into my locker?
What is happening to this country?
Mine looks burnt off.
It wasn't even locked.
Everybody shut up.
I got you all presents.
Oh, okay, guys, how nice of Dina to... break into our lockers and give us presents.
Yeah, prescription strength deodorant.
- "Stop stink in its tracks." 
- Now that's a gift
- for all of us, my friend.
- Thoughtful.
In its own way.
- Men's razors?
- For your mustache.
- You're welcome.
- "Gay Guy."
Now, I had to order 30 of those, so if you have any gay guy friends, just say the word.
Um... okay, no big deal, but usually people say "Thank you"
when they get presents. 
Come on.
"It's Not All Interesting:
How to Tell a Better Story"?
Now, I don't know if you already have this.
I'm assuming you don't.
I'll be home in five, ten minutes max.
Everyone's gonna wanna see photos of the baby, so... oh, Amy... 
Hi, not now.
Okay, quick drive to the hospital.
They'll reattach the...
where's the thumb?
- My thumb?
- Yes, Marcus, your thumb!
There is no other thumb!
Okay, listen closely.
When Jeff comes over,
I'm gonna pretend to be mean to you, but it's all an act, okay?
You're going too fast. 
I can't follow.
It's simple. 
I'm gonna say mean things to you, but I don't mean the things I say.
So even though I really like you,
I might say, "I hate you."
- Hold up. 
You hate me?
- No, I love you.
I... why is this so complicated?
- Hey.
- Oh, ah, hey, Jeff.
I was just telling this employee how lazy I think he is.
- You think I'm lazy?
- Yes...
I'm sorry. 
I mean, I-I try really, really hard.
I always thought you liked me.
I don't.
He right. 
Actually, I am kinda lazy.
Detergents. 
Pod, liquid, powder.
Uh, high-efficiency, et cetera, et cetera.
- Whatever.
- Wow, thank you so much.
You're a lifesaver.
Oh, could you just repeat that over here?
Actually, I'm kinda in a hurry.
So I... 
It'll only take a sec.
This is my son. 
You're hurting my arm!
I showed you where the detergent was!
Now tell him what you just said to me.
You're hurting my arm.
I mean before that.
About being a lifesaver.
It's okay, Owen. 
Mama's here.
The bad man didn't get me.
In the future, I'd love you to not grab our customers. 
Okay, Ma-tah-to?
It's Ma-tato.
I mean... 
Mateo.
"Dear everyone, from the bottom of my heart I'm sorry that you are mad at me.
I only acted the way the way I did because I'm a very loyal person and I can't empathize with people who are self-centered traitors.
If I could go back in time I would do the exact same thing.
I consider this matter closed now."
- Huh?
- Great.
Great, uh... 
lotta great stuff in there.
I just have a few notes. 
Tiny stuff.
Maybe it could be a little more personal.
Sounds great. 
Write it up.
There's just nothing like looking into your baby's eyes.
Amy, wanna see my baby?
Not now. 
I need everybody's help.
Follow me, please.
The last time we saw the thumb it was in a tub of guacamole, but then we found this open tub of guacamole on the floor, so it could be a different guacamole, or else it could be the same guacamole,
but the thumb fell out.
So the thumb could either be in a guacamole or it could be anywhere. 
Any questions?
Yeah, uh, is it just regular guacamole?
No, it's, uh... grapefruit, ginger, and lime.
- Oh.
- Where's Marcus?
Marcus is at the hospital.
Elias took him.
We have 45 minutes to get him his thumb.
Does the guacamole have nuts in it?
What? 
Why does this matter?
Well, I'm allergic.
In the event of a tornado you wanna go straight for the eye of it.
That is where it is safest.
Oh, hi. 
We are just conducting a... a... an impromptu safety meeting.
Well, I don't want to interrupt.
I'm gonna need to see all non-essential employees
- in the break room.
- Right now?
The man said now, so that means now!
Okay, I'll see you there.
Everything around here looks great.
I mean, were there a few expired shampoo bottles left on the shelf? 
Yes... six actually, but mostly good jobs.
So now I would like you guys to tell me what we at corporate can be doing better for you.
You know, Jeff, it feels weird talking about this on company time.
Oh, that's okay, it's an unpaid break.
Yeah, of course it is.
So maybe we'll just start with the beginning of the day.
Um, when we all clock in...
You know what?
This sounds like it's gonna be a long Jonah story.
How about we put a pin in it and we get back out there and we serve our customers.
Really? 
I mean, now's your chance to say
- anything you want to say to me.
- That's right, Jeff.
Now is our chance, and we actually have a list of things that we think the company could do better.
It's just I don't like complaining while we still have that outstanding shampoo problem to fix.
You know, there are things that we could all do to improve.
It's a... two-way street.
- Okay. 
If that's how you feel.
- Uh-huh.
Everybody, grab a cupcake!
Oh! 
Nope, I hate cupcakes 'cause I'm a meanie.
Nobody move.
- I have something to say.
- Ooh, I wanna hear this.
- What?
- This is a letter to my subordinates that I wrote by myself.
Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong"?
Ugh, starting with a quote.
It's like a middle-school book report.
Oh, uh, excuse me.
- Oh, I'm actually not...
- Thank you so much.
I'm in a rush.
I gotta get home to my kid.
Sure.
Oh.
"So as I seek atonement for my foibles..."
that's a little bit much.
Um, blah, blah, "The movie 'Magnolia"?
- I'm gonna skip that.
- No, no, that's the best part!
I would imagine.
It's... it's an excellent film.
Okay, Dina, we get it.
You messed up, you're sorry, you'll never do it again.
Actually, no. 
I'm not sorry.
And this isn't even like a "sorry, not sorry" situation.
This is "not sorry, not sorry."
You're all garbage, so grab a cupcake, and continue your slow march to death.
- "Foibles." 
- Great.
That was brave, huh, guys?
Hey, so I'm not sure calling people "garbage"
reads as an apology.
Great leaders don't care about being liked.
Do you think dogs like Cesar Millan?
Heck no, they just want him to stop going,
"Chh! 
Chh! 
Chh!"
Why don't you care if people like you?
Why do you care if people like you?
- Because it's important.
- To you.
Don't try to flip this, okay?
- It's a basic human need.
- Of yours.
You know what? 
I don't care how you feel about my need to be liked, and I realize that's kind of a contradiction,
- but one day...
- Chh!
Calm down!
- Chh! 
Chh!
- Stop doing that.
Chh! 
There it is.
Whoever finds the thumb, pick up the intercom and say...
I don't know, "strawberry jam."
Ooh, but what if something actually happens with strawberry jam?
I am willing to take that chance.
Do you think I'm a memorable person?
Can you please stop asking questions and just go find the thumb?
Please? 
Go.
Ohh, beige.
That's a crazy color for a towel.
Nice.
And you got one of this.
Hmm. 
Oh, lady, hey!
Let me dig in your basket.
You guys, we are so out of time.
Hey, guys, what's going on over here?
Looks intense.
Answer him!
We were just talking about sales.
Yeah, sales orders and utility patents and other words from "Shark Tank."
- Okay.
- Good.
Excuse me, are you the store manager?
Heck yeah, I am, guy.
I found a thumb in my guacamole.
Strawberry jam. 
Strawberry jam.
♪ The horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep ♪
♪ Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep ♪
Get off the phone! 
You're at work!
I'm sorry.
Thank you for shopping at Cloud 9...
Oh, I put my phone in his bag.
I'm weird for wanting to be liked.
I mean, this isn't even about my ego.
People getting along is the bedrock of a functioning society. 
Am I right?
I've seen this one.
They get in a big fight over a sofa, but it's not really about the sofa.
I wanna keep it.
Marcus got his thumb back, so, you know, no harm no foul.
I just really thought that we could have a day where nothing went wrong.
You mean like March 14th?
We're never gonna have another March 14th.
Just be grateful you were alive to see one.
Do you think they're gonna fire me?
I mean, I am the idiot who put Marcus on the meat slicer.
If they do, this whole store will walk out in support of you.
Thanks, Glenn, but I don't think we can pull that move twice in 48 hours.
Hey, Jeff, have you told corporate about the thumb yet?
I'm just about to submit an incident report now.
Don't worry about it, I know you had nothing to do with it.
Cool. 
Cool.
Yeah, I was just making sure.
But out of curiosity, what's gonna happen to Amy?
Suspension, termination.
We'll have to see.
Well, I'll walk with you to the office.
I actually have something I'd like to submit as well.
I mean, obviously corporate needs to know that a district manager was on site when an untrained employee maimed himself.
Uh, I'm sorry?
God, I really hope this doesn't hurt your shot at that senior VP slot when Todd Spurman retires in June.
And if I didn't turn the report in?
Well, if you didn't turn the report in, then officially nothing happened, so I guess that means I would have nothing to report.
Fine.
- I really don't like you.
- I really don't care.
Oh, hey. 
Hey.
What? 
What can I do for you...
- um...
- Mateo?
My name's Mateo.
You know, I've been busting my butt trying to show you
I'm a good worker, but you have your head so far up your own butt you haven't noticed.
I am so sorry.
I have no idea what came over me.
- It's okay.
- I shouldn't be talking to you.
Stop, stop, stop. 
Mateo, it's okay.
I'm sorry. 
It's been a long week.
- I've noticed you.
- Okay.
Thank you. 
That's all I was asking.
I've definitely noticed you.
Holy.

- Lunch is almost up, honey.
- Okay.
Hmm.
Yes?
I thought it wasn't a date.
It wasn't, and it isn't.
Thought you said he was just another smooth-talking brother.
Going to an awful lot of trouble for just another smooth-talker.
Mom, you know I try to look my best no matter where I go or who I'm going with.
It's fun to look pretty.
- He's a colleague.
- Okay, if you say so.
- Hello?
- Hi, Bar.
Aren't you supposed to be on your date?
I've got a few minutes before I need to leave.
You're not checking up on me now, are you, Toot?
Well, maybe I am.
But it's a grandmother's God-given right.
You have a bad habit of being late, and if you're late to the first date,
I can promise you there won't be a second.
I won't be late. 
I appreciate it.
- How's Gramps?
- How's Gramps? 
He's Gramps.
He's got his bridge game on Tuesdays and Thursdays, golf on the weekends, but when he's home and bored, well, what can I say, Bar, he drives me up the wall.
- Well, thank you, baby.
- Of course.
So, where you going looking so raggedy?
- Girl's got herself a date.
- Mm.
It's not a date, Daddy.
He's the summer associate I told y'all about, the one from Harvard Law.
I mentioned I worked legal aid, and he invited me to a community event
- at the Gardens.
- Huh?
Yeah, 'cause it doesn't get more romantic than broken plumbing and underfunded schools.
TAnd tell me the young lady's name again.
Michelle Robinson.
She's my advisor at the firm, remember?
And tell me again what she looks like.
Well, she's tall.
Ah. 
What else?
What else would you like to know?
Well, where's she from?
Chicago.
Uh-huh. 
Which part?
The side that's predominantly black.
Okay, so she's...
Yes, Toot, her skin is of the darker persuasion.
Good.
So long as you're happy, Bar, that's all that really matters.
Thanks, Toot.
Now, I gotta go, or I will be late.
Okay, love you.
I love you, too.
- So, what's this boy's name?
- Barack Obama.
Barack-a-what-a?
He's half-white.
His father's from Kenya and his mother's white.
So, why isn't this a date?
We work together. 
It's inappropriate.
Mm. 
Maybe, but you are spending the day with him.
Yeah, the meeting sounded interesting.
Well, even if it's not a date, the least thing you could've done is run a brush through your hair.
You look real nice, Meesh.
Thank you, Daddy.
This heat, this heat, this heat!
Hey, uh, women wearing the freeze hairdos, y'all doing that to keep cool during the summer?
Sounds like a plan to me.
What are you doing to keep cool?
What are you doing to beat this heat?
Speaking of hot, hot, hot!
Janet's bring the heat with the number one single in the country.
I miss it so much when I don't hear it.
I know you do, too.
So I'm playing it for me and for you.
# Shot #
# Like an arrow going through my heart #
# That's the pain I feel #
# I feel whenever we're apart #
# Not to say that I'm in love with you #
# But who's to say that I'm not? 
#
# I just know that it feels wrong #
# When I'm away too long #
# It makes my body hot #
# So let me tell ya, baby #
# I'll tell your mama #
# I'll tell your friends #
# I'll tell anyone whose heart can comprehend #
# Send it in a letter, baby #
# Tell you on the phone #
# I'm not the kind of girl who likes to be alone #
# I miss you much #
# Oh, boy, I miss you much #
# I really miss you much #
# M-I-S-S you much #
# I miss you much, baby #
# I really miss you much #
# M-I-S-S you much #
# I'm rushing home #
# Just as soon as I can #
# I'm rushing home to see your smiling face #
# And feel your warm embrace #
# It makes feel so g-g-g-good #
# So I'll tell you, baby #
# I'll tell your mama, I'll tell your friends #
# I'll tell anyone whose heart can comprehend #
# Send it in a letter, baby, tell you on the phone #
# I'm not the kinda girl who likes to be alone... #
- Hi.
- Hello.
- You're late.
- I was hoping you wouldn't notice.
It's okay, I expected it.
You were late for your first day of work.
- You noticed that, too.
- Yeah.
I'm your advisor, I'm supposed to notice.
- Do you live here alone?
- No.
No, this is my family's house.
My parents still live here and, apparently, so do I.
Should we?
Oh, uh, yeah. 
Car's down this way.
- All set?
- Mm-hmm.
# I can tell you how I feel about you... #
You're on that account, right?
- Which account?
- Bottlecap?
Yeah.
Everything cool?
Why, what did you hear?
Some of the juniors said you weren't happy with the work.
They're wrong.
They weren't disparaging you.
They were impressed that an associate stood up for herself the way you did.
It's not the work. 
I mean, it is the work.
It's tedious, but that's to be expected.
Second year associates get the grunt work.
I can live with that.
I'll complain about it, but I can live with it.
It's the trademark suit that's got me fuming.
I take it you did not agree with the judge's decision.
I completely agreed with the judge's decision.
And I told Thompson six months ago that we would lose if we tried it like a trademark dispute.
I was basically silenced for voicing a dissenting opinion.
Hmm. 
There's no real contribution at our level.
There's only the illusion of contribution.
Get ready, buster. 
You're on deck.
Are you sure it's the firm you're frustrated with?
Shouldn't we be getting to the meeting?
We have some time.
It's not for another few hours.
What?
I thought we'd swing by the Arts Center.
There's an Afrocentric exhibit that's supposed to be...
Wait. 
What is this?
What is this? 
I don't know.
I mean, taken at face value, that's a pretty existential question, Michelle.
What happened to the meeting?
It doesn't start till 4:00, so I thought we'd see some paintings, maybe grab a bite to eat.
We don't have to.
Barack, you seem like a really sweet guy.
But how many times do I have to tell you?
We're not going out together.
Well, Michelle, thank you for saying that.
You seem like a real sweet girl, but I have to correct you.
We are in fact out, and we are in fact together.
But not on a date. 
This is not a date.
It doesn't have to be.
Barack, I don't want it to be.
You know, usually women I meet are willing to look past my hideous appearance and get to know the real me.
If I thought you were hideous, I wouldn't have set you up with Gina.
Gina's very attractive.
Now that's true. 
Gina is very attractive.
This is not a date.
That's okay. 
I'll go at your pace.
Barack, there's no pace to go at because there's no anything to speak of.
I am your advisor at our law firm.
- It would be tacky.
- You keep saying that.
- And you keep ignoring it.
- For good reason.
You're my advisor insomuch as you introduced me around at the beginning of the month, and you showed me how to use the copy machine.
Which, by the way, I still can't figure out.
So, some advisor.
Secondly.
It's not "our" law firm.
It's your law firm.
I'm just here for the summer.
And while you're here, it's inappropriate.
So you think I'm attractive enough to set up with your prettiest friend...
You think she's that pretty?
You and I share a lot of the same interests.
- I don't know that that's true.
- We both love Chicago.
I get it.
You think we have a lot in common.
And maybe we do, maybe we can be friends.
But if you can't understand this, then you can't understand me.
It's hard enough being a woman at a giant corporate law firm.
For all the talk of equality that goes around and all those filled quotas,
I'm still surrounded by mostly men.
So I gotta work just a little bit harder to earn everyone's respect.
I gotta work a little bit harder to be taken seriously.
Now add on that I'm black.
All that extra work I put in to compensate for being a woman?
Being black erases that and brings me back down to zero.
So now I'm working double-time just to be seen for who I am and what I'm capable of.
Now, how's it gonna look to a guy like Thompson if I swoop in and start dating the first cute black guy who walks through the firm's doors?
The liberal-minded people will think it's precious, and the close-minded people will think it's pathetic.
- You think I'm cute?
- I didn't say that.
Some of the secretaries described you that way.
Nice dodge. 
Listen, listen.
We're a few blocks away.
Why don't we go in and check out the exhibit?
I'd still like us to go to the meeting a little later.
It would mean a lot to me.
Okay, it's not a date.
- Fine.
- Until you say it is.
Oh. 
That's Ernie Barnes.
You read that in a brochure?
No, I'd spot a Barnes a mile away.
You know, Barnes is a real interesting brother.
Did you watch "Good Times"?
- Not a family staple.
- Really?
There was a black family in Chicago that didn't watch "Good Times"?
We are more of a "Brady Bunch," "Dick Van Dyke" kind of family.
Those kids on Euclid Avenue, man, I'm telling you, they had it good.
Dy-no-mite!
Do you remember that?
Yes, I remember the line.
- That character's name was J.J. 
- Right.
He was kind of a screw-up.
Would steal here and there, couldn't read or write, talked jive.
You know, just a bad TV stereotype, right?
Mm-hmm.
But, see, as the show progressed, J.J. developed this interest in painting.
As it turned out, he actually had a lot of talent.
But he didn't take it seriously.
Not until his dad, who was this tough blue-collar guy, encouraged him to keep painting.
He saw it as his son's only way out of the projects.
- What did he paint?
- Black ghetto life.
They were crisp, exaggerated, very colorful.
His style was a lot like these.
That's because Ernie Barnes did all the paintings for the show.
Hmm.
My brother would love this.
- Craig, right?
- Yeah.
How did you know?
I may have overheard you talking about him at the office.
Stalker.
Yeah, but who's the bigger Looney Tune, the stalker or victim who willingly goes to a museum with the stalker?
Willingly?
I'm more inclined to describe this as a hostage situation.
I'm that bad, huh?
Oh, hush.
Craig shoot hoops?
He's decent.
Pickup games? 
Office league?
He's an assistant coach at Illinois Tech.
No kidding.
I assume he played ball at school?
Yeah, at Princeton, and then for a couple of years in the BBL.
He actually got drafted by the Sixers, but they never played him.
What?
I'd say "decent ballplayer" is a gross understatement.
He was decent.
Great is NBA.
Uh, no. 
Good is college.
Great is your brother. 
Super-human is NBA.
I think I came to my realization when I missed varsity my junior year of high school.
Cut class for a week after that.
Why?
Oh, I was hapa.
So in everyone's eyes,
I shouldn't have just made the team, I should've been the best.
What's "hapa"?
Hawaiian for "mixed."
Hmm.
Maybe they didn't expect you to be the best.
Maybe you put that expectation on yourself.
Makes me think of Gwendolyn Brooks.
"The pool players.
Seven at the Golden Shovel.
We real cool.
We left school.
We lurk late.
We strike straight.
We sing sin.
We thin gin.
We jazz June.
- We die soon." - "Die soon."
Room Ful A'Sistahs.
What do you like about this one?
I guess it reminds me of our house on Sundays.
The boys would be upstairs watching football, and the girls would be downstairs singing around the piano.
- You sing?
- I play.
- Any good?
- I'm not bad.
My aunt Robbie was a piano teacher, so I started young.
- How old?
- Four.
- That's young.
- Not for my mom.
She started us early on everything.
Reading...
French lessons.
- You speak French?
- Mm.
Are you fluent?
I know a few words.
I never would've taken you for a Frenchie.
I mean, any other language but French.
It's just so... sentimental.
Il Ne faut pas Se fier aux apparences.
What does that mean?
It means, things are not always as they appear.
- Turkey on rye coming right up.
- Thanks.
Here.
It's on me.
Okay, okay.
And now, the grand finale.
What, no good?
That was sweet of you, but I don't like pie.
No, you're mistaken.
This is not a slice of pie, this is a slice of heaven.
Mm.
Who doesn't like pie?
I'm an ice cream kind of girl.
Oh, yeah?
- Which flavor?
- Chocolate.
Ugh!
What, you don't like chocolate ice cream?
I don't like ice cream, period.
Now that's weirder than not liking pie.
Not when you spent a summer in high school working at Baskin-Robbins, it's not.
I overdid it.
They had Baskin-Robbins in Hawaii?
You do know Hawaii is part of these here United States, don't you?
It just seems so foreign.
Honolulu's pretty normal.
Played hoops all day.
Went to a good school.
Then again, there's a lot about my high school years
I do not remember.
Why?
Let's just say a lot of it got lost in a cloudy haze.
Oh.
Because you smoked a lot of marijuana?
Yes, because I smoked a lot of marijuana.
I had a lot of growing up to do.
One time, when I was nine years old,
I go to this girl's birthday party, and I show up, and it's me and 20 girls.
I'm the only boy there.
When I asked them why, they all just started laughing at me.
I remember running all the way home.
I was mortified.
What made you think of that?
I don't know, just popped in my head.
I could never figure it out.
Hey, you're a smart lady.
Why were they laughing at me?
They probably had crushes on you.
Hmm.
I mean, everything's backwards when you're little.
When a boy likes you, he pulls your hair.
When you like a boy, you kick him in the shins.
You do any shin-kicking back in the day?
If you were on the playground, and you were brown and cute, watch out.
You, uh... doing any shin-kicking these days?
Are you inquiring about my personal life?
I might be.
Well, the answer is no.
Tell me more about your... grade-school Casanova years.
No, no, I couldn't have been less popular.
The kids in Indonesia used to throw me in the swamp and call me "Blackberry."
Indonesia?
Yeah, I lived in Jakarta for a few years.
I'm not kidding.
We had crocodiles in the backyard.
But... but why were you living there?
I mean, how did you end up there?
Lolo, my mother's ex-husband, was from there and went back for work.
- We went with him.
- But where was your dad?
He was back in Kenya.
And you didn't wanna live with him?
It wasn't an option.
Anyway, I didn't have to suffer at the hands of my Indonesian tormentors for long.
I moved back to Hawaii when I was 10.
My mother wanted me to get a better education.
Well, did you?
I don't know.
How would you rate my level of education?
You're like that jive-talking stereotype from "Good Times."
So, what about you?
What about me?
You're Ivy League through and through.
Craig got the natural smarts.
I just worked my butt off.
I'm sure your mother made sure of that.
She never had to.
Education was always priority number one.
My dad would stand for nothing less.
And there was no way Craig and I were gonna disappoint him.
What's he like?
He's the greatest man in the world.
He told us from day one, education was the key to our happiness, and he didn't let us forget it.
What's he do for a living?
Operations engineer for the Water Department.
Basically, he fixes the boilers.
He's been there since '68.
That must be where you get your work ethic.
You don't know the half of it.
Well, tell me, then.
You're asking a lot of questions.
You don't have to answer them, Michelle.
Can you keep what's said outside the office... outside the office?
Michelle, I've been trying to get you outside the office for a month now.
I'm serious.
Yes, absolutely.
My dad has MS.
That why you live at home?
It's better to be there and to help out.
He's on crutches now.
Still gets himself to work every day.
You know, they're lucky to have a daughter like you.
I'm lucky to have parents like them.
Is your mother still alive?
Oh, yeah. 
Still in Jakarta.
She's a wonderful lady.
But you don't see her much.
No, she has her own life.
But she's brilliant, warm...
Truly wonderful.
- And she's white.
- Snow white.
Born in Wichita, Kansas.
- You were born in '60?
- '61.
Hmm.
A white woman and a black man getting married and having a kid back then.
They were ahead of their time.
You want the God's honest truth about my folks?
- Sure.
- Okay.
My mother thought Harry Belafonte was the most handsome man on the face of the planet.
Yeah, I'd say chocolate was her favorite flavor, too.
No, really.
I think their attraction was that simple.
My father looked like Nat King Cole, and my mother looked like Patsy Cline.
Whoo!
Not bad at all, Miss Robinson.
Those drummers were incredible.
- Yeah, they were.
- Mm.
I wonder if they were African.
- Why?
- Well, it could be a ritual.
I was part of one while visiting my family's village in Kenya.
What were the rituals for?
Prayer, mostly.
Hey, do you believe in God?
You like to go straight for the jugular, don't you?
You have a real nice jugular.
- Real defined, real sexy.
- Watch it now.
Growing up, we went to church on Sundays, but...
I don't know.
I believe in some sort of guiding spirit.
But I also think God helps those who help themselves.
I think I saw that on a bumper sticker somewhere.
- That's how you know it's good.
- Ah.
And your religious proclivities?
Let's just say I'm still evolving.
- What were you raised?
- Nothing, really.
My mom didn't associate with any one religion.
And your father, was he like you?
About the only thing my father and I had in common is that we both went to Harvard.
The only difference is, he got kicked out.
You still got two years.
Think that's enough time for me to develop a drinking problem and burn through all my student loans?
You don't like talking about him.
There isn't much to say, unfortunately.
That can't be true.
It is true.
His life was incomplete.
In every imaginable way.
He married my mother, they had me, he left.
Went to Harvard, got kicked out, never got his Ph.D.
Got a job at the Kenyan government, got fired.
Never found a stable job again.
Had a few too many drinks at a bar one night, got behind the wheel, never made it home.
He died when he was 46.
His life was incomplete.
Even his tombstone is blank.
No one bothered to have it engraved.
No one bothered?
All that family over there?
No one had the money.
You'll do it.
When you have the money, you'll go back there and have his name engraved.
You think you know me well enough to make that prediction?
No.
But I am a pretty hopeful person, so I'll just say, I hope you do it.
We should probably get to the meeting.
- # The world is yours # - # Hey, young world #
- # The world is yours # - # Young world, young world #
- # The world is yours # - # Young world #
# It may cause concern # ...Denby of "New York" magazine thinks Spike Lee's new picture is gonna cause them black folk to riot, but Chicago's native son Roger Ebert calls it a masterpiece.
Have you seen it? 
Who's seen it?
What's the good word? 
You rioting yet?
Hit the phones and let me know, and if you haven't checked it out yet, do the right thing and see it now!
Dying to see this movie.
Sounds interesting enough.
Blick, Thompson, and Cohen were talking about it in the office.
And Thompson said the film might be racist towards white people.
No, he didn't.
He didn't mean anything by it.
He's just a little out of touch, that's all.
I'm just tired of being two different people.
I played that game at Princeton, and I played it again at Harvard.
There were white kids at school who would talk to me in class, but if I saw them out on the quad, and they were with their other friends, they would walk right past me without so much as a nod.
Now, obviously, the firm is not like that but sometimes when I'm leaving Southside in the morning, headed for the Loop, I feel like I'm leaving Planet Black and landing on Planet White.
Come on, you got wooed, just like me.
You got wined and dined.
You saw the corporate culture, the racial culture.
You knew the score, and you still said yes.
You sure it's the firm you're frustrated with?
That's the second time you've asked me that question.
It's the second time you haven't answered it.
What are you suggesting?
Take the Bottlecap case as an example.
Once you made your point, why bother pressing further?
- To try and get through to Thompson.
- Come on, you knew you wouldn't.
Like you said, you're a second year associate.
Thompson wants you doing research, interfacing with the clients, preparing his arguments.
- The grunt work, right?
- Right.
But if I don't speak up, what's the alternative?
Shut my mouth and sit there looking pretty?
First of all, you always sit there looking pretty.
Second of all, I'm not suggesting you silence yourself.
I'm just wondering why you chose to work at a corporate firm where you knew your silence would be expected.
And really what I'm wondering is why you're wasting the fight you have inside you on battles you can't win and issues you don't care about?
Excuse me?
You think because we spend one afternoon together and you tried to buy me a sandwich, you're entitled to pass judgment on the choices I made in my life?
- You think I'm wasting my life.
- Now, I never used those words.
You didn't have to use those words.
You used other ones, and they stung just as much.
Why?
If you really loved what you were doing, would you be bothered by what I said?
No.
You'd tell me to go screw myself, and you'd go on your merry way, making tons of cash and doing trademark law for the rest of your life.
And how do you know that's not exactly what I plan to do?
Because you spent two years of law school in Gannett House, working pro Bono cases for poor, single moms.
And my guess is that it kills you to know you can't put the same passion and intelligence towards cases that actually mean something.
You're more than welcome to pass judgment on your own father.
You know what, you're more than welcome to pass judgment on me.
But quite frankly, it sounds like you know me about as little as you knew him.
- Michelle...
- And the biggest offense is, this is coming from a guy who quit community organizing for Harvard Law, only to take a summer position at the same corporate firm he's railing against.
Now that is the height of hypocrisy.
I apologize. 
I meant no offense.
Barack!
Ladies!
Hey!
Oh...
So happy to see you guys.
Looks like we got a full house today.
Well, everyone heard you was coming, Barack.
We all wanted to get a look at our Harvard man all grown up.
Does a year and a half change a man?
No, but apparently it gets you a lady.
And finally a sista.
How you doing, sweetie?
- My name's Bernadette.
- Oh! 
I'm Michelle.
Very nice to meet you.
- I'm Janice.
- Hi.
We was your boyfriend's ladies while he was working here in the Gardens.
- Oh, we're not...
- Platonic ladies, Janice.
Don't go giving her any ideas.
We did everything together.
Except the sexy stuff.
Hmm. 
Now this is a real man you got yourself here.
Just going right over there.
Tommy, my man!
B!
Oh, it's so good to see you.
Yo, Rafiqa!
This Barack's woman, Michelle.
- He done well for himself.
- Mm-hmm.
Welcome.
Janice, we're not together.
You say this Barack's girl?
No, Kyle, this Barack's woman, Michelle.
Y'all married and shit?
Kyle, watch your mouth.
Your ass in church.
Y'all married?
No. 
We're not together.
At all.
Let me tell you a little something about Barack.
My son LaJuan wanted to be in the Navy since he was playing with toy boats in the tub.
But growing up in the Gardens, ooh!
Little by little, the place was getting to him, and he was starting to get the same ideas as every other young Negro around here.
Thinking there ain't no place for 'em outside these walls.
And even if there was, ain't no way out.
Well, in comes Barack.
And every time he come by the house to talk business, he sets aside a little time to talk with my LaJuan about Navy boats.
I don't even know how Barack knew about Navy boats.
And he could've been making up names, for all I know.
The USS this and the USS that.
Didn't matter.
He kept LaJuan interested.
He told my boy that he could be anything if he worked hard enough.
You see, he didn't have a father to tell him that.
And you know what?
- He made it out.
- Mm, mm.
My son is sailing across the seas on the "USS Dakota."
Looking all fly and professional in his military uniform.
Hands off, girl.
That's my boy you talking about.
Afternoon, everybody. 
Afternoon.
- Afternoon.
- Afternoon.
Right, right, right. 
Okay now.
Today, you know we here to discuss the Community Center.
What Community Center?
Look, I know.
I know the city's decision was a disappointment, all right?
No, Tommy, it was more than a disappointment.
It was six months of our lives down the drain.
Okay, hold on. 
Everybody, just hold on.
It was a disappointment.
But it wasn't all bad.
See, now we got ourselves not one, not two, but three foundations to fund our Community Center programs when the time is right, and I got that in writing.
Now, how in God's name are they supposed to fund our Community Center programs when we ain't got no Community Center?
That's right. 
That's right.
Well, that's the dilemma we here today to solve.
Now, what we have to do first is take a look at why the City Council said no.
Well, what difference does it make?
They say no to everything we ask for.
Now, that's just not always true, Curtis.
Now, we got that job center up and running.
We got people's apartments on hold for them while they rehabbing.
Look, all I know is this,
Senator Torrance got himself a state grant to build a church that he's gonna preach in, and Alderman Said helped him get it.
Meanwhile, my little girls can't go but a mile up the road to play for all the gangs running around the Gardens, pushing they drugs, littering they garbage, shooting they guns like this is the Wild West or something.
Shoot, our kids can't even go play in they friends' house across the street at the Gates.
The Senator got himself a church, our kids got themselves the shaft.
Okay, okay, okay!
There's a lot of issues to address, and I know better than anyone else.
Come on, I've devoted my life to helping this community,
- but we got to stay focused.
- That's right.
Look, we got to take our anger and channel it towards the goals we set, and right now that's the Community Center.
Now, you know from past experiences, we got things done because we honed in on one issue, we pressed, we squeezed, and we screamed until somebody finally listened.
It's taking too long.
We tired of screaming.
- Well, then ain't nothing gonna change.
- Well, maybe it can't.
Huh?
Look, I disagree.
And I'm sure our guest here disagrees, too, because I seem to recall when he was standing here in my position, by this podium, a year and a half ago, y'all got something done.
I seem to recall, with his guidance... your patience and persistence, y'all got that asbestos problem cleared up.
Got them toilets fixed. 
The pipes cleaned.
Now, I know when times were tough, this brother right here... had a lot of motivational words for us.
And I'm gonna ask him to come up and say a few right now.
'Cause I'm gonna tell you something, we might be down for the count... but we ain't out.
Brother Barack, would you come on up?
- It's all you.
- Thanks, bro. 
Thank you.
Thank you.
It's good to be back.
It's good to see all of you.
I missed that musty smell up here.
Looks like Pastor Mike hasn't gotten around to filling in that hole in the roof.
No.
Think we're gonna have to organize a meeting just to get that leak fixed.
But listen.
I, uh... 
I feel your pain.
I do.
It's...
It's a part of me now, that pain.
Sometimes it hits me like a heart attack, hundreds of miles away in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
Now, I could be listening to a lecture in class, or studying in the library... or watching a movie, or talking to a friend... and I think of all of you.
I may have gone on to a different life at Harvard... but you know what I've realized?
I never left the Gardens.
Now...
Tommy deserves some credit here, folks.
Our fight with the City Council two years ago was proof that these victories do not come easy, and they don't come big.
They are few and far between.
But you gotta use them like building blocks.
One by one, one on top of the other, and little by little... you got yourself a building.
And that's exactly what you need in this case, is a building for your Community Center.
Now, I feel your disappointment.
But the truth is... you're in a good position right now.
Still ain't got no Community Center!
All right, all right. 
All right.
Tommy got funding pledges. 
That's real.
That's money down the line, and that's hard to secure.
Now, I know it's not the whole package, but think about it.
Now all you need is a building.
You're halfway there.
Now, the Council said no to the building, but that was before you had funding pledges secured with the help of Brother Tommy here.
So now, when you remount your campaign... you have something to bring to the table.
You're contributing.
And the folks downtown like to see us contributing.
Makes 'em feel like the money they give you is gonna be put to good use.
Just wanna know that you care.
And Tommy's right when he says we need to take a look at why they said no.
Not because it's the right decision, but because you've gotta understand where they're coming from.
You've gotta understand the city's motivations, its self-interest in order to align them with your own.
We turn self-interest into mutual interest.
So, let's give the council members the benefit of the doubt for a moment.
Let's say they want you to have your Community Center.
Okay, okay. 
But let's say for a moment that we got some good folks on that Council, and they'd like to see your kids have a place to go after school and play.
Yeah, right.
Now, I believe there probably are a few.
So, if we've got some good-hearted folks there... why can't they get your funding request approved?
Getting paid to say no.
Okay, Curtis, I hear you, I hear you.
- Anyone else?
- Don't care enough.
All right. 
Any other ideas?
Maybe they don't think they can.
That's what I'm thinking, Kyle.
I don't think they believe they can get it done.
Even if they wanted to.
They know developers don't wanna build in the Gardens.
There's nothing in it for them.
No stores. 
No economy.
These council members don't necessarily want the answer to be no, they just believe it will be.
So, what are you proposing, Barack, that we build the damn thing ourselves?
Almost. 
Almost, Curtis.
Now, Tommy and I have been discussing this.
And we both think you might wanna consider changing the goal slightly.
Refocus your efforts on obtaining a land designation.
Now, if you control the land... you can cut a deal with one developer to build everything in the area... on the condition that one of the buildings be the Community Center.
Now, that's more jobs, more stores, and a Community Center for your children.
They just gonna say no like they say no to everything else!
Now, we gotta stop thinking the word "no" is the end of the line, Curtis.
"No" is just a word.
You flip those letters around, you get an entirely different word.
- "On." 
- That's right.
As in "carry on."
Say it with me now.
- Carry on!
- Carry on!
- They say no, we say...
- Carry on.
- They say no, we say...
- Carry on!
That's it! 
There you go!
- Harold Washington...
- My man.
Harold Washington was one of the reasons I moved to Chicago.
When I first came here, every barbershop and chicken shack on the Southside had a squeaky-clean picture of him hanging up on the wall for everyone to see.
- You right about that.
- Still do.
Chicago's first black mayor.
- He was our mayor.
- Yes, sir. 
Yes, sir.
But even Mayor Washington disappointed in some respects.
He had to face the great truth of our country... that it's not easy to get things done.
The founders made it that way on purpose.
They made it messy... so that no one law, no one government, no one man could decide the fate of everything and everyone.
In very simple terms... we got a heck of a lot of different people with a heck of a lot of different agendas.
But I also believe that people, most people... are basically, at their core, good people.
And so, if at first we don't understand their agenda... the City Council, the Alderman, the State Senator... we have to try our hardest to understand who they are and what they need.
We have to let go of judgment.
That's a lesson...
I learned today from a friend.
No matter what we think about someone... we never truly know what it's like to walk in their shoes.
But we have to try.
Whether it's a colleague, a family member... or a particular opponent, especially our opponents.
Because where their needs align with our needs... is where things get done.
That's America.
Just a bunch of different states.
States of land, states of mind... states of people.
And it's up to us, all of us... to keep all those different states... united.
Thanks for inviting me.
It's been a while since I've had that kind of connection to real-life struggle.
Me, too.
In high school, my typing teacher gave me an A minus.
I wrote her a letter every day until she changed it to an A.
I celebrated all day long.
But that night, I couldn't sleep.
I kept asking myself over and over again,
"Did I even deserve the A?"
Sometimes I forget why I'm fighting.
Or even that I am fighting.
I didn't know I was wrestling with myself about the firm.
I understand that.
You think you're real smooth, don't you?
Why?
Did you know you were speaking today?
No.
Well, not exactly.
I knew there was a decent chance, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Pretty good setting to bring a girl.
Surrounded by people who adore you.
People who might tell this girl heart-tugging stories about how inspired their sons to join the Navy.
And an inspirational speech that had everybody in awe, Mr. Obama.
Including you?
It wasn't bad.
You sounded a little professorial.
But you definitely have a knack for making speeches.
Thank you.
You know, that being said, it didn't hurt to take you there on our first date.
- Our first what?
- You heard me.
You must have misspoken because according to you, this isn't a date until I say so.
You know, if you don't wanna spend any more time with me today, I'll respect that.
I won't like it, but I'll respect your wishes.
But if you wanna keep hanging... let's call it a date and move on to the next event.
- Next event?
- Drinks and a movie.
You think you're real smooth.
And real cute.
I don't know about the "cute" part.
I mean, they did look good on Dumbo.
Well, I'd rather be Dumbo than the Wicked Queen.
Wicked Queen?
Now, you can't just say any old wicked queen.
From which movie?
- There you go.
- Thanks, Steve.
# Why can't nobody love me #
# Like my baby does? 
#
# Young girl turned out to be two times #
# Twice the woman #
# That I thought she was... #
Don't even come at me with that "Innervisions" nonsense.
It's a better album all around.
"You and I," "Sunshine of My Life,"
"Superstition."
- All great songs.
- His best.
Not better than "Higher Ground."
"Talking Book" was the first album I ever heard, and if it was the last, I'd be set for life.
- That's how brilliant it is.
- Uh-uh.
Man!
Well, at least we can agree that Stevie is the best.
- Mm.
- At least we can start from there.
Okay, so what about that moment in the church before the meeting?
Which?
I think Bernadette said it, about you finally dating a sister.
Who knows with those two.
They love to gossip.
- Is it true?
- Is what true?
That you never date black women.
Not true.
But you did date white women?
I've dated a couple of white women, yes.
And which do you prefer?
Come on, buster, now it's your turn to ante up.
My girlfriend at Columbia was white.
It was pretty serious.
- What was her name?
- Jennifer.
How long were you with Jennifer?
A little over two years.
Mm-hmm...
Columbia was a strange time in my life.
I was reading a lot, figuring stuff out, had very few friends.
- Except for Jennifer.
- Exactly.
She was lovely.
She really was.
She was very caring.
Kept me company when I was lonely.
We fell into that private little universe couples can fall into, where you develop your own kind of language and customs, you know?
I've never had that with anyone other than my own family.
It's nice.
Anyway... when we went to visit her family, they were incredibly gracious to me.
Very nice, open-minded people, but, you know, I looked around at all the pictures on the walls, you know... all the white faces... and I knew I couldn't spend any more of my life living as an outsider.
Does that answer your question?
So, why did you come to Chicago?
- To try and make a difference.
- Mm-hmm.
Thought I would, too.
I thought maybe I'd work civil cases, help women, empower them.
Being at that meeting today aroused some of those old dreams.
Lit some kind of fire.
But those last couple years, the corporate firms descend upon the campus like a pack of wolves.
And they're so appealing.
I wanted to be in a position to pay off my loans, pay my folks back.
Live a little.
Enjoy life.
There's nothing wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong with it until there is.
Yeah. 
I know what you mean.
I feel like something else is pulling at me.
I wonder if I can write books, or hold a position of influence in civil rights.
- Politics?
- Maybe.
I just wanna do more.
Yeah, so do I.
And maybe just wanting it is enough for now.
Whatever I end up doing, I take comfort in knowing
I can't do much worse than my dad did.
That doesn't sound like the same guy who gave that fancy speech earlier.
The one who talked about letting go of judgment.
I've noticed how you talk about your father.
Such an angry way to live your life.
Judging him.
Living your life against his.
You're still fighting him.
But he's not here anymore.
You said earlier you felt his life was incomplete.
Every father's life is incomplete.
That's why they have sons... to finish what they started.
You know, my grandfather was not a very generous man.
He could've helped my dad through college.
But he was so terrified of getting into debt, he refused to lend him any money.
So my dad had to drop out of school after a year.
It took a while, but he forgave my grandfather.
Then he got his job with the city... and he has spent the rest of his life working in that boiler room, making sure not to do to his kids what his father did to him.
You have to forgive your father... so your anger doesn't turn you into him.
You have to forgive him... so you can be better than him.
That's what he would want.
- Get his arm! 
Get his arm!
- Gary, that's enough!
Gary, that's enough, man!
- Gary, that's enough!
- Shut up!
Radio Raheem! 
Radio Raheem!
- No!
- Radio!
Radio Raheem! 
Radio Raheem!
What's the matter?
Be careful. 
I feel a riot coming on.
Oh!
- I'm gonna use the restroom.
- Okay.
Michelle?
It is you. 
Your height gave you away.
Avery.
What are you doing here?
Uh... 
Picking up groceries.
What do you think? 
We came to the movies.
- You did?
- Yeah.
We partners do that from time to time.
And on occasion, we bring along our wives.
Laura, this is Michelle Robinson, one of our more tenacious associates.
Michelle, this is my wife Laura.
So pleased to make your acquaintance.
Likewise. 
Likewise.
I think Avery mentions you at least a dozen times a day.
Are you here alone?
Me? 
Um...
I'm with a friend.
Actually, I have to go.
What did you think of the film?
What did I think? 
I liked it.
All the hoopla leading up to it, I had to see for myself.
- Oh, what did you think?
- Compelling.
Though the ending was puzzling and more than a little infuriating.
Barack!
- Avery!
- Wow!
Having a Sidley Austin reunion here.
We just came from a community meeting that we attended as colleagues and friends, and just thought it might be a good idea to stop and see the movie since it's something everybody was talking about.
Um...
Thank you for that illuminating explanation.
Laura, this is one of our summer associates, a very talented young man, Barack Obama.
Very pleased to make your acquaintance.
Pleasure's all mine.
So, you got around to seeing the movie, I take it?
Yes, yes, we did.
In fact, I was just explaining to Michelle how angry that ending made me.
Why would the delivery man have thrown the trash can through his employer's window?
He must've known his actions would cause the mob to riot.
Seemed totally irrational.
Let me put it to you another way, Avery.
I'm all ears.
If Mookie hadn't thrown the trash can, maybe the crowd would've turned on Sal and his sons.
So instead of the store being destroyed... they might be dead.
And Mookie knew the insurance would cover the damage to the store.
He was saving Sal's life.
I never would've considered that perspective, Barack.
See, that's why we need a guy like you full-time.
Michelle, make sure to treat him real good.
We want him sticking around.
- We'll see you both Monday.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- Night.
You know I only said that to make Avery feel better.
Mookie threw that trash can 'cause he was fucking angry.
What a coincidence seeing him here.
It's really wild.
It wasn't a coincidence.
It was cosmic justice.
I knew damn well going out with you was the wrong thing to do.
Pun intended.
And don't even try to convince me otherwise, Barack, because there is nothing you can say.
Nothing?
I can't tell you that Avery doesn't give a hoot about seeing the two of us out?
"Make sure to treat him real good."
That was not okay, Barack, by any measure.
It was smarmy.
You don't think that was laced with anything?
You don't think he meant anything by that?
Maybe he did. 
So what?
First thing Monday morning he is gonna spread this juicy little anecdote around the office like wildfire.
You know, none of this would've happened if you had just respected the boundaries I laid out.
But you refused.
You didn't respect our working relationship.
And now that's all there's going to be.
I don't want any...
It's pretty good.
You want some?
Sure.
# What goes underneath your armor #
# Underneath your clothes #
# Do you know? 
#
# Let's find out together #
# Let's find what we're looking for #
# We'll explore #
# Leave your house of mirrors #
# Hear me out #
# Fear no consequence #
# Forget your doubts #
# I don't know where the road leads #
# You don't know if I'll break your heart #
# We don't know how the winds will blow #
# And we won't know #
# We won't go #
# Unless we start #
# Ooh, start #
# Fall into the sea #
# Of possibility #
# And hope #
# Letting go #
# Float away with me #
# Until we can't see any coast #
# That we know #
# Hold on tight until #
# We become one #
# Find our island #
# Underneath the sun #
# I don't know where the road leads #
# You don't know if I'll break your heart #
# And we don't know how the winds will blow #
# And we won't know #
# We won't go #
# Unless we start #
# Ooh #
# Start #
# Yeah #
# Our beloved beside us #
# All you want to give up #
# Only happens if we let it live #
# And I don't know where the road leads #
# Ooh #
# You don't know if I'll break your heart #
# We don't know how the winds will blow #
# And we won't know #
# We won't go #
# Unless we start #
# Ooh #
# Start #
# Yeah #
# Oh, unless we start #
# Ooh #
# Oh, start #
# Yeah #
# Unless we start #

(musicplaying)
( kids shouting )
(musiccontinues)
- Lunch is almost up, honey.
- Okay.
(doo-wopplaying)
( grunts )
(waterrunning)
( spits )
( chuckles ) Yes?
- Thought it wasn't a date.
- It wasn't and it isn't.
Thought you said he was just another smooth-talking brother.
You'regoingto  anawfullotoftroublefor justanothersmooth-talker.
Mom, you know I try to look my best no matter where I go or who I'm going with.
It's fun to look pretty.
- He's a colleague. 
- Okay, if you say so.
(phoneringing)
- Hello?
- Woman: 
Hi, Bar.
Aren'tyousupposedtobe onyourdate?
I've got a few minutes before I need to leave.
You're not checking up on me now, are you, too?
Well,maybeIam,  butit'sagrandmother's God-givenright.
Youhaveabad habit ofbeinglate.
Andifyou'relate tothefirstdate,
Icanpromiseyou  therewon'tbe asecond.
I won't be late.
But I appreciate it.
How's Gramps?
"How'sGramps?" He'sGramps!
(laughs) He'sgothisbridgegame  onTuesdaysandThursdays, golfontheweekends, butwhenhe 'shomeand bored, well,whatcan Isay,Bar?
- He drives me up the wall. 
- ( chuckles )
- Well, thank you, baby.
- Of course.
So, where you going looking so raggedy?
Girl's got herself a date.
- Oh.
- It's not a date, Daddy.
He's a summer associate I told y'all about, the one from Harvard Law.
I mentioned I worked legal aid and he invited me to a community event at the Gardens.
- Huh.
- Yeah.
Because it doesn't get more romantic than broken plumbing and underfunded schools.
Woman:
Tellmetheyounglady 's nameagain.
Michelle Robinson.
She's my advisor at the firm, remember?
Andtellme again whatshelookslike.
- Well, she's tall.
- Uh-huh. 
What else?
- What else would you like to know?
- Well, where's she from?
- Chicago.
- Uh-huh.
- Which part? 
- The side that's predominantly black.
- Okay, so she's...? 
- ( chuckles ) Yes, Toot.
Her skin is of the darker persuasion.
Good.
Solong asyou'rehappy,Bar .
That'sall thatreallymatters.
Thanks, Toot.
Now, I gotta go or I will be late.
- Okay. 
Love you. 
- I love you, too.
Mr. Robinson:
So,what'sthisboy 'sname?
Barack Obama.
- Barack-a what-a?
- He's half white.
Ugh. 
His father's from Kenya and his mother's white.
So, why isn't this a date?
We work together.
It's inappropriate.
Mm, maybe, but you are spending the day with him.
Yeah. 
The meeting sounded interesting.
Mr. Robinson:
Well,evenif  it'snotadate, the least thing you could've done is run a brush through your hair.
( both laughing )
You look real nice, Meesh.
Thank you, Daddy.
( engine starts )
DJ:
Thisheat,thisheat, thisheat!
Hey,womenwearing thefreezehairdo, y'alldoingthattokeep cool  duringthesummer?
Soundslikeaplantome .
Whatareyoudoing tokeepcool?
Whatareyoudoing tobeatthisheat?
Speakingof hot,hot,hot,
Janet'sbringingtheheat withthenumber-onesingle inthecountry.
Imissit so much whenI don'thearit. 
Iknowyoudo, too .
SoI 'mplayingit  formeandfor you .
(musicplaying)
¶Hoo!
¶
¶Shot¶
¶Likean arrow goingthroughmy heart¶
¶That'sthepainIfeel¶ 
¶I feelwhenever we'reapart¶
¶Notto saythat I'minlovewithyou¶ 
¶Butwho'stosay thatI 'mnot?
¶
¶I justknow thatitfeelswrong¶
¶WhenI'maway toolong¶
¶Itmakesmybody hot¶ 
¶Soletmetell ya, baby¶ 
¶I 'lltellyourmama, I'lltellyourfriends¶
¶I 'lltellanyone whoseheartcancomprehend¶
¶Sendit in aletter,baby , tellyouon thephone¶
¶I 'mnotthekindofgirl wholikesto be alone¶
- ¶ I miss you much ¶  - ¶ Boy, oh, I miss you much ¶
- ¶ I really miss you much ¶  - ¶ M-I-S-S you much ¶
- ¶ I miss you much, baby ¶  - ¶ Boy, oh, I miss you much ¶
- ¶ I really miss you much ¶  - ¶ M-I-S-S you much ¶
¶I 'mrushinghome¶
¶Justas soon asI can,uh !
¶
¶I 'mrushinghome toseeyoursmilingface ¶
¶Andfeel yourwarmembrace¶
¶Itmakesmefeel  sog-g-ggood¶
¶So,I'lltellya, baby¶ 
¶I 'lltellyourmama, I'lltellyourfriends¶
¶I 'lltellanyonewhoseheart cancomprehend,baby¶
¶Sendit in aletter,baby , tellyouon thephone¶
¶I 'mnotthekindofgirl wholikesto be alone¶
- ¶ I miss you much ¶  - ¶ Boy, oh, I miss you much ¶
- ¶ I really miss you much ¶  - ¶ M-I-S... ¶
- ¶ I miss you much ¶  - ¶ M-I-S-S you much ¶
- ¶ I miss you much ¶  - ¶ Boy, oh, I miss you much ¶
- ¶ I really miss you much... ¶  - ( engine turns off )
- ( chiming ) - ¶ I broke your heart ¶
¶AndImadeyoublue...¶
(dooropens,closes)
Hi.
Hello.
( sighs )
You're late.
- ( sighs ) I was hoping you wouldn't notice.
- It's okay.
I expected it.
You were late for your first day of work.
( chuckles ) You noticed that, too?
Yeah. 
I'm your advisor.
I'm supposed to notice.
Huh.
- Do you live here alone?
- No. ( chuckles )
No, this is my family's house.
My parents still live here and, apparently, so do I.
- Huh.
- Should we?
Oh, uh, yeah.
Car's down this way.
( sniffing )
- ( sighs ) - ( door opens )
- All set?
- Mm-hmm.
(enginestarts)
¶I cantellyou  howI feelaboutyou  nightandday¶
¶I cantellyou  howI feelaboutyou ...¶
- You're on that account, right?
- Which account?
Bottle cap.
- Yeah.
- Everything cool?
Why?
What did you hear?
Some of the juniors said you weren't happy with the work.
- They're wrong.
- They weren't disparaging you.
They were impressed that an associate stood up for herself the way you did.
It's not the work.
I mean, it is the work.
It's tedious, but that's to be expected.
Second-year associates get the grunt work.
I can live with that.
I'll complain about it, but I can live with it.
It's the trademark suit that's got me fuming.
I take it you did not agree with the judge's decision?
I completely agreed with the judge's decision.
And I told Thompson six months ago that we would lose if we tried it like a trademark dispute.
I was basically silenced for voicing a dissenting opinion.
Hmm, there's no real contribution at our level.
There's only the illusion of contribution.
( exhales ) Get ready, buster.
You're on deck.
(musicplaying onradio)
Are you sure it's the firm you're frustrated with?
Shouldn't we be getting to the meeting?
Ah, we have some time.
It's not for another few hours.
- What?
- I thought we'd swing by the art center.
There's an Afro-centric exhibit that's supposed to be--
Wait.
What is this?
( chuckles ) "What is this?" I don't know.
I mean, taken at face value, that's a pretty existential question, Michelle.
What happened to the meeting?
It doesn't start till 4:00, so I thought we'd see some paintings, maybe grab a bite to eat.
- ( scoffs ) 
- We don't have to.
Barack, you seem like a really sweet guy, but how many times do I have to tell you we're not going out together?
Mm, well, Michelle, thank you for saying that.
You seem like a real sweet girl.
But I have to correct you.
We are in fact out and we are in fact together.
But not on a date.
- This is not a date.
- It doesn't have to be.
Barack, I don't want it to be.
You know, usually, women I meet are willing to look past my hideous appearance and get to know the real me.
If I thought you were hideous,
I wouldn't have set you up with Gina.
Gina's very attractive.
Now, that's true.
Gina is very attractive.
This is not a date.
That's okay.
I'll-
- I'll go at your pace.
Barack, there's no pace to go at because there's no anything to speak of.
I am your advisor at our law firm.
- It would be tacky.
- You keep saying that.
- And you keep ignoring it.
- For good reason.
You're my advisor insomuch as you introduce me around at the beginning of the month and you show me how to use the coffee machine, which, by the way, I still can't figure out, so some advisor.
Secondly, it's not our law firm.
It's your law firm.
I'm just here for the summer.
And while you're here, it's inappropriate.
So, you think I'm attractive enough
- to set up with your prettiest friend?
- You think she's that pretty?
You and I share a lot of the same interests.
I don't know that that's true.
- We both love Chicago.
- I get it.
You think we have a lot in common.
And maybe we do.
Maybe we can be friends.
But if you can't understand this, then you can't understand me.
It's hard enough being a woman at a giant corporate law firm.
For all the talk of equality that goes around and all those filled quotas,
I'm still surrounded by mostly men.
So, I gotta work just a little bit harder to earn everyone's respect.
I gotta work a little bit harder to be taken seriously.
Now add on that I'm black.
All that extra work I put in to compensate for being a woman?
Being black erases that and brings me back down to zero.
So, now I'm working double-time just to be seen for who I am and what I'm capable of.
Now, how's it gonna look to a guy like Thompson if I swoop in and start dating the first cute black guy who walks through the firm's doors?
The liberal-minded people will think it's precious and the closed-minded people will think it's pathetic.
You think I'm cute?
I didn't say that.
- Some of the secretaries described you that way.
- Nice dodge.
Listen, listen, we're a few blocks away.
Why don't we go in and check out the exhibit?
I'd still like us to go to the meeting a little later.
It would mean a lot to me.
Okay, it's-- it's not a date.
- Fine.
- Until you say it is.
( quiet chatter )
( gasps ) That's Ernie Barnes.
You read that in the brochure?
No, no.
I can spot a Barnes a mile away.
You know, Barnes is a real interesting brother.
- Did you watch "Good Times"?
- Not a family staple.
Really?
There was a black family in Chicago that didn't watch "Good Times"?
We were more of a "Brady Bunch, "Dick Van Dyke" kind of family.
Those kids on Euclid Avenue, man, I'm telling you they had it good.
"Dy-no-mite!"
- ( chuckles ) Do you remember that?
- Yes, I remember the line.
The character's name was J.J.
Right.
He was kind of a screwup.
He would steal here and there, couldn't read or write, talked jive.
You know, just a bad TV stereotype, right?
Mm-hmm.
But, see, as the show progressed,
J.J. developed this interest in painting.
As it turned out, he actually had a lot of talent.
But he didn't take it seriously.
Not until his dad, who was this tough, blue-collar guy, encouraged him to keep painting.
He saw it as his son's only way out of the projects.
What did he paint?
Black ghetto life.
They were crisp, exaggerated, very colorful.
His style was a lot like these.
That's because Ernie Barnes did all the paintings for the show.
Hmm.
Michelle:
Mybrotherwouldlovethis .
- Barack: 
Craig, right? 
- Yeah.
How did you know?
Imayhaveoverheardyou talkingabouthim attheoffice.
- Stalker.
- ( chuckles )
Yeah, but who's the bigger Looney Tune?
The stalker or the victim who willingly goes to a museum with a stalker?
Willingly?
I'm more inclined to describe this as a hostage situation.
I'm that bad, huh?
Oh, hush.
Craig shoot hoops?
He's decent.
Pick-up games?
Office league?
He's an assistant coach at Illinois Tech.
No kidding?
I assume he played ball at school?
Yeah, at Princeton, then for a couple of years in the BBL.
He actually got drafted by the Sixers, but they never played him.
- ( chuckles ) 
- What?
I'd say "decent ballplayer" is a gross understatement.
He was decent.
Great is NBA.
Uh, no.
Good is college.
Great is your brother.
Superhuman is the NBA.
I think I came to my realization when I missed varsity my junior year of high school.
Cut class for a week after that.
- Why?
- I was hapa.
So, in everyone's eyes I shouldn't have just made the team,
I should've been the best.
- What's hapa?
- Hawaiian or mixed.
Hmm.
Maybe they didn't expect you to be the best.
Maybe you put that expectation on yourself.
It makes me think of Gwendolyn Brooks.
Barack:
"ThePoolPlayers.
Seven at the Golden Shovel."
"We real cool.
Weleftschool.
Welurklate.
Westrikestraight.
We sing sin.
We thin gin.
WejazzJune.
Both:
We die soon."
Barack:
"RoomFullA'Sistahs."
Whatdoyoulike aboutthisone?
I guess it reminds me of our house on Sundays.
Theboyswouldbeupstairs watchingfootball andthegirls wouldbedownstairs singingaroundthepiano.
- Do you sing?
- I play.
- Any good?
- I'm not bad.
My Aunt Robbie was a piano teacher, so I started young.
- How old?
- Four.
That's young.
Not for my mom.
She started us early on everything-- reading,
French lessons.
- You speak French?
- Mm.
- Are you fluent?
- I know a few words.
I never would've taken you for a Frenchie.
- ( chuckles ) 
- I mean, any other languagebutFrench.
It's just so sentimental.
( speaking French )
What does that mean?
It means "Things are not always as they appear."
(musicplaying)
( both laughing )
(birdschirping)
(childbabbling)
Turkey on rye coming right up.
Thanks.
Here.
( chuckles ) It's on me.
Okay, okay.
And now for the grand finale.
What, no good?
That was sweet of you, but I don't like pie.
No, you're mistaken.
This is not a slice of pie.
This is a slice of heaven.
Mm.
Who doesn't like pie?
- I'm an ice cream kind of girl.
- ( chuckles )
Oh, yeah?
Which flavor?
Chocolate.
- Ugh.
- What, you don't like chocolate ice cream?
I don't like ice cream, period.
Now, that's weirder than not liking pie.
Not when you spend a summer in high school working at Baskin-Robbins, it's not.
I overdid it.
They have Baskin-Robbins in Hawaii?
You do know Hawaii is part of these here United States, don't you?
It just seems so foreign.
Honolulu's pretty normal.
Played hoops all day.
Went to a good school.
Then again, there's a lot about my high school years
I do not remember.
Why?
Let's just say a lot of it got lost in a cloudy haze.
Oh.
- Because you smoked a lot of marijuana?
- ( chuckles )
Yes, because I smoked a lot of marijuana.
I had a lot of growing up to do.
One time, when I was nine years old,
I go to this girl's birthday party and I show up, and it's me and 20 girls.
I'm the only boy there.
When I asked them why, they all just started laughing at me.
I remember running all the way home.
I was mortified.
What made you think of that?
I don't know.
It just popped in my head.
Could never figure it out.
Hey, you're a smart lady.
Why were they laughing at me?
They probably had crushes on you.
I mean, everything's backwards when you're little.
When a boy likes you, he pulls your hair.
When you like a boy, you kick him in the shins.
You do any shin kicking back in the day?
If you were on the playground and you were brown and cute, watch out.
You, uh, doing any shin kicking these days?
Are you inquiring about my personal life?
I might be.
- Well, the answer is no.
- Hmm.
Tell me more about your grade school Casanova years.
( laughs ) No.
No, no.
I couldn't have been less popular.
The kids in Indonesia used to throw me in the swamp and call me Blackberry.
Indonesia?
Yeah, I lived in Jakarta for a few years.
I'm not kidding.
We had crocodiles in the backyard.
But-- but-- but why were you living there?
I mean, how did you end up there?
Lolo, my mother's ex-husband, was from there and went back for work.
We went with him.
But where was your dad?
( exhales ) He was back in Kenya.
And you didn't wanna live with him?
It wasn't an option.
Anyway, I didn't have to suffer at the hands of my Indonesian tormentors for long.
I moved back to Hawaii when I was 10.
My mother wanted me to get a better education.
Well?
Did you?
I don't know.
How would you rate my level of education?
You're like that jive-talking stereotype from "Good Times."
So, what about you?
What about me?
Well, you're Ivy League through and through.
Craig got the natural smarts.
I just worked my butt off.
I'm sure your mother made sure of that.
She never had to.
Education was always priority number one.
My dad would stand for nothing less, and there was no way Craig and I were gonna disappoint him.
What's he like?
He's the greatest man in the world.
He told us from day one education was the key to our happiness and he didn't let us forget it.
What's he do for a living?
Operations engineer for the water department.
Basically, he fixes the boilers.
He's been there since '68.
That must be where you get your work ethic.
( chuckles ) You don't know the half of it.
Well, tell me, then.
You're asking a lot of questions.
( sighs ) You don't have to answer them, Michelle.
Can you keep what's said outside the office outside the office?
Michelle, I've been trying to get you outside the office for a month now.
I'm serious.
Yes. 
Absolutely.
My dad has MS.
That why you live at home?
It's better to be there and to help out.
He's on crutches now.
Still gets himself to work every day.
You know, they are lucky to have a daughter like you.
I'm lucky to have parents like them.
Is your mother still alive?
Hmm, oh, yeah.
Still in Jakarta.
She's a wonderful lady.
- But you don't see her much? 
- Nah, she has her own life.
But she's brilliant, warm.
Truly wonderful.
- And she's white?
- ( chuckles ) Snow white.
Born in Wichita, Kansas.
- You were born in '60?
- '61.
Hmm.
A white woman and a black man getting married and having a kid back then.
They were ahead of their time.
You want the God's honest truth about my folks?
- Sure.
- Okay.
My mother thought Harry Belafonte was the most handsome man on the face of the planet.
- Yeah, I'd say chocolate was her favorite flavor, too.
- ( both laughing )
No, really, I think their attraction was that simple.
My father looked like Nat King Cole and my mother looked like Patsy Cline.
( drums playing )
Okay.
Man: 
Hey!
( people whooping )
- ( drumming ends )  - ( people cheer )
(Baracklaughing)
Notbadat all, MissRobinson.
- Those drummers were incredible.
- Yeah, they were.
- I wonder if they were African.
- Why?
Well, it can be a ritual.
I was part of one while visiting my family's village in Kenya.
- What were the rituals for?
- Eh, prayer, mostly.
Do you believe in God?
You like to go straight for the jugular, don't you?
- You have a real nice jugular.
Real defined, real sexy.
- Watch it, now.
Growing up, we went to church on Sundays, but I don't know.
I believe in some sort of guiding spirit.
But I also think God helps those who help themselves.
- I think I saw that on a bumper sticker somewhere.
- That's how you know it's good.
Ah.
And your religious proclivities?
Let's just say I'm still evolving.
- What were you raised?
- Nothing, really.
My mom didn't associate with any one religion.
And your father?
Was he like you?
About the only thing my father and I had in common was that we both went to Harvard.
The only difference is he got kicked out.
- You still got two years.
- ( chuckles )
Think that's enough time for me to develop a drinking problem and burn through all my student loans?
You don't like talking about him.
- Well, there isn't much to say, unfortunately.
- That can't be true.
It is true.
- His life is incomplete...
- ( gentle splash ) ...in every imaginable way.
He married my mother, they had me, he left.
Went to Harvard, got kicked out, never got his PhD.
Got a job with the Kenyan government, got fired, never found a stable job again.
Had a few too many drinks at a bar one night, got behind the wheel, never made it home.
He died when he was 46.
His life was incomplete.
Even his tombstone is blank.
- No one bothered to have it engraved.
- No one bothered?
All that family over there?
No one had the money.
(gentlesplashing)
You'll do it.
When you have the money, you'll go back there and have his name engraved.
You think you know me well enough to make that prediction?
No.
But I am a pretty hopeful person, so I'll just say I hope you do it.
Barack:
Weshouldprobably gettothemeeting.
(engineroaring)
¶Hey,youngworld¶
- ¶ The world is yours ¶  - ¶ Hey, young world ¶
- ¶ The world is yours ¶  - ¶ Young world, young world ¶
- ¶ The world is yours ¶  - ¶ Young world ¶
¶Thisraphere¶
- ¶ It may cause concern,it's...¶ - ( static buzzing )
( stations changing )
DJ:
...Denbyof "NewYorkMagazine"
thinksSpikeLee's newpicture'sgonnacause themblackfolktoriot , butChicago'snativeson , RogerEbert,callsit amasterpiece.
Haveyouseenit? 
Who'sseenit ?
What'sthegoodword?
Youwritingyet?
Hitthephones andletme know.
Andifyouhaven't checkeditoutyet ,
"DotheRightThing" andseeit now!
Dying to see this movie.
Sounds interesting enough.
Blick, Thompson, and Cohen were talking about it in the office.
AndThompsonsaid thefilmmightberacist towardswhitepeople.
No, he didn't.
He didn't mean anything by it.
He's a little out of touch, that's all.
I'm just tired of being two different people.
I played that game at Princeton and I played it again at Harvard.
There were white kids at school who would talk to me in class, but if I saw them out on the quad and they were with their other friends, they would walk right past me without so much as a nod.
Now,obviously, thefirmis notlikethat , but sometimes when I'm leaving Southside in the morning, headed for the Loop, I feel like
I'm leaving Planet Black and landing on Planet White.
Come on.
You got wooed just like me.
You got wined and dined.
You saw the corporate culture, the racial culture.
You knew the score and you still said yes.
Areyousureit'sthefirm you'refrustratedwith?
That's the second time you asked me that question.
It's the second time you haven't answered it.
What are you suggesting?
Takethebottlecap case asanexample.
Once you made your point, why bother pressing further?
To try and get through to Thompson.
Comeon, youknewyouwouldn't.
Likeyousaid, you'rea second-year associate.
Thompson wants you doing research, interfacing with the clients, preparing his arguments-  the grunt work, right?
- Right.
But if I don't speak up, what's the alternative?
Shut my mouth and sit there looking pretty?
First of all, you always sit there looking pretty.
Secondofall, I'mnotsuggesting yousilenceyourself.
I'm just wondering why you chose to work at a corporate firm where you knew your silence would be expected.
And, really, what I'm wondering is why you're wasting the fight you have inside you on battles you can't win and issues you don't care about.
Excuse me?
You think because we spend one afternoon together and you tried to buy me a sandwich, you're entitled to pass judgment on the choices I made in my life?
- ( sighs ) 
- You think I'm wasting my life.
Now,I neverused thosewords.
You didn't have to use those words.
Youusedotherones, andtheystungjustasmuch. 
Why?
If you really loved what you were doing, would you be bothered by what I said?
No.
( scoffs ) You'd tell me to go screw myself and you'd go on your merry way making tons of cash and doing trademark law for the rest of your life.
And how do you know that's not exactly what I plan to do?
Becauseyouspent twoyearsof lawschool inGannettHouse workingprobonocases forpoorsinglemoms.
Andmyguess isthatit killsyou  to know you can't put the same passion and intelligence towards cases that actually mean something.
You're more than welcome to pass judgment on your own father.
You know what?
You're more than welcome to pass judgment on me.
But quite frankly, it sounds like you know me about as little as you knew him.
- Michelle-- 
- And the biggest offense isthisis  comingfromaguy  whoquit communityorganizing forHarvardLaw only to take a summer position at the same corporate firm he's railing against.
Now that is the height of hypocrisy.
I apologize.
I meant no offense.
(birdschirping)
(voicesechoing)
(chatterechoing)
( laughing )
(woman'slaughterechoing)
( chatter, laughing )
Watch it.
Hey, watch it!
( chatter )
Woman:
Barack!
( laughs )
Ladies!
Come in!
- Hello!
- So happy to see you guys.
Looks like we got a full house today.
Well, everyone heard you was coming, Barack.
We all wanted to get a look at our Harvard man all grown up.
Does a year and a half change a man?
Woman:
No,butapparently itgetsyoualady .
- Finally, a sister! 
- Woman #2: 
Mm-hmm!
How you doing, sweetie?
My name's Bernadette.
- Oh, Michelle.
Very nice to meet you.
- Hey, girl.
- I'm Janice.
- Hi.
We was your boyfriend's ladies while he was working here in the Gardens.
- Oh, we're not-- 
- Platonic ladies, child.
- Hey.
- Don't go giving her any ideas.
We did everything together except the sexy stuff.
Mm. 
Now this is a real man you got yourself here.
- Bernadette: 
Mm-hmm... 
- Just going right over there.
(chatter)
- Woman: 
Hi! 
- Tommy, my man.
B.!
( chuckles )
- Always so good to see you.
- Janice: 
Yo, Rafiqa!
This Barack's woman, Michelle.
Mm, he done well for himself.
- Welcome!
- Janice, we're not together.
- You saying this Barack's girl?
- No, Kyle, this Barack's woman.
- Michelle.
- Y'all married and shit?
Kyle, watch your mouth.
Your ass in church.
( muttering )
- Y'all married?
- No.
We're not together at all.
Let me tell you a little something about Barack.
My son Lawan wanted to be in the navy since he was playing with toy boats in the tub.
But growing up in the Gardens, whoo!
Little by little, the place was getting to him.
And he was starting to get the same ideas as every other young Negro around here, thinking there ain't no place for them outside these walls.
And even if there was, ain't no way out.
Well, then comes Barack, and every time he come by the house to talk business, hesetsasidealittletime totalkwithmyLawan aboutnavyboats.
Now, I don't even know how Barack knew about navy boats, and he could've been making up names, for all I know.
The USS this and the USS that.
It didn't matter.
He kept Lawan interested.
He told my boy that he could be anything if he worked hard enough.
You see, he didn't have a father to tell him that.
And you know what?
- He made it out.
- ( Bernadette chuckles )
My son is sailing across the seas on the USS Dakota.
Bernadette: 
He looking allflyandprofessional inhismilitaryuniform.
Hands off, girl.
That's my boy you're talking about.
(JaniceandBernadette chuckling) 
Tommy: 
All right, afternoon,everybody.
Afternoon.
- Crowd: 
Good afternoon!
- Afternoon. 
Right, right,right.
Okay, now, today, you know we're here to discuss the community center.
- ( scoffs ) What community center?
- Look, I know.
I know the city's decision was a disappointment, all right?
Lord, Tommy.
It was more than a disappointment.
It was six months of our lives down the drain.
( crowd agreeing )
Okay, hold on.
Everybody, just hold on.
It was a disappointment.
But it wasn't all bad.
See, now, we got ourselves not one, not two, but three foundations to fund our community center programs when the time is right.
- And I got that in writing.
- ( crowd grousing )
Now, how in God's name are they supposed to fund our community center programs when we ain't got no community center?
All:
That's right!
Well, that's the dilemma we're here today to solve.
Now, what we have to do first is take a look at why the city council said no.
Well, what difference does it make?
They say no to everything we ask for.
Now, now, that's just not always true, Curtis.
Now, we got that job center up and running.
We got people's apartments on hold for them while they rehabbing.
Look, all I know is this--
Senator Torrance got himself a state grant to build a church that he's gonna preach in andAldermanSayid helpedhimgetit. 
Crowd:
Tellhim,tellhim !
Tellhim!
Meanwhile, my little girls can't go but a mile up the road to play for all the gangs running around the Gardens, pushing they drugs, littering they garbage, shooting they guns like this is the Wild West or something.
Shoot, our kids can't even go play in they friends' house across the street at the gates.
- Man: 
Nope. 
- The senator got himself a church.
Our kids got themselves the shaft.
All:
That's right!
( chattering )
Okay, okay, okay, okay, that's a lot of-- that's a lot of issues to address,
- and I know better than anyone else.
- Man: 
Mm!
Come on, now, I've devoted my life to helping this community,
- but we got to stay focused.
- Woman: 
That's right.
Look, we got to take our anger and channel it towards the goals we setting.
- Right now, that's the community center.
- Woman: 
Tell them, Tommy.
Now, you know from past experiences we got things done because we honed in on one issue, we pressed, we squeezed, and we screamed until somebody finally listened.
It's taking too long.
We tired of screaming!
- Well, then ain't nothing gonna change.
- Well, maybe it can't!
- Huh?
- No way.
Well, look, I disagree.
And I'm sure our guest here disagrees, too, because I seem to recall when he was standing here inmyposition bythispodium ayearandahalf ago,  y'allgotsomethingdone.
I seem to recall with his guidance, your patience and persistence, y'all got that asbestos problem cleared up.
- Woman: 
That's true. 
- Got them toilets fixed.
The pipes cleaned.
Now,I know whentimesweretough, this brother right here had a lot of motivational words for us, and I'm gonna ask him to come up and say a few right now, 'cause I'ma tell you something.
We might be down for the count... but we ain't out.
Brother Barack.
- Why don't you come on up? 
- ( applause )
- It's all you.
- Thanks, bro. 
Thank you.
- All right.
- Thank you.
- You know, it'sgoodtobeback. 
- ( chuckles )
It's good to see all of you.
( sniffs, chuckles )
I missed that musty smell up here.
( people chuckling, chattering )
Looks like Pastor Mike hasn't gotten around to filling in that hole in the roof.
No.
Think we're gonna have to organize a meeting just to get that leak fixed.
- ( chuckling ) 
- Woman: 
Never.
But listen.
I, um-- I feel your pain.
I do. 
It's-- it's a part of me now, that pain.
Sometimes, it hits me like a heart attack hundreds of miles away in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
Now, I could be listening to a lecture in class or studying in the library or watching a movie or talking to a friend.
- I think of all of you.
- Woman: 
Mmm.
I may have gone on to a different life at Harvard, but you know what I realized?
- I never left the Gardens.
- Crowd: 
That's right.
Now, Tommy deserves some credit here, folks.
Our fight with the city council two years ago was proof that these victories do not come easy and they don't come big.
They are few and far between.
But you gotta use them like building blocks.
You know, one by one, one on top of the other, and little by little, you got yourself a building.
And that's exactly what you need in this case is a building for your community center.
Now, I feel your disappointment.
But the truth is you're in a good position right now.
- ( all arguing ) 
- Woman: 
That's why we ain't gotnocommunitycenter!
All right, all right, all right.
Tommy got funding pledges.
That's real.
That's money down the line and that's hard to secure.
Now, I know it's not the whole package, but think about it.
Now all you need is a building.
You'rehalfwaythere.
The council said no to the building, but that was before you had funding pledges secured with the help of Brother Tommy here.
So, now when you remount your campaign, you have something to bring to the table.
You're contributing.
And the folks downtown who like to see us contributing, makes them feel like the money they give you is gonna be put to good use.
They just wanna know that you care.
And Tommy's right when he says we need to take a look at why they said no.
Not because it's the right decision, but because you gotta understand where they're coming from.
You've gotta understand the city's motivations, its self-interest inorderto alignthem withyourown.
We turn self-interest into mutual interest.
All right, so let's give the council members the benefit of the doubt for a moment.
Let's say they want you to have your community center.
( crowd grousing )
- Mm.
- Barack: 
Okay, okay.
But let's say for a moment that we got some good folks on that council and they'd like to see your kids have a place to go after school.
- Woman: 
Yeah, right. 
- Barack: 
Now, I believe thereprobablyareafew. 
So, if we've got some good-hearted folks there... why can't they get your funding request approved?
- Getting paid to say no.
- Barack: 
Okay, Curtis.
I hear you, I hear you.
Anyone else?
- Don't care enough.
- All right.
Any other ideas?
Maybe they don't think they can.
( chatter )
That's what I'm thinking, Kyle.
I don't think they believe they can get it done even if they wanted to.
They know developers don't wanna build in the Gardens.
There'snothingin it  forthem.
Nostores, noeconomy.
These council members don't necessarily want the answer to be no.
They just believe it will be.
Curtis:
So,whatareyou  proposing,Barack?
That we build the damn thing ourselves?
Almost.
Almost, Curtis.
Now, Tommy and I have been discussing this, and we both think you might wanna consider changing the goal slightly.
Refocusyoureffortson obtaininga landdesignation.
Now, if you control the land, you can cut a deal with one developer to build everything in the area on the condition that one of the buildings be the community center.
Now,that'smorejobs, more stores, and a community center for your children.
They just gonna say no like they say no to everything else!
Now, we gotta stop thinking the word "no" is the end of the line, Curtis.
"No" is just a word.
You flip those letters around, you get an entirely different word.
- "On." 
- That's right.
- As in carry on.
(chuckles) 
- Yeah, all right.
Say it with me, now.
- Carry on.
- Crowd: 
Carry on.
- They say "no," we say...
- Crowd: "Carry on."
- They say "no," we say...
- Crowd: "Carry on!"
- Carry on, carry on.
- ( cheering, applause )
That's it.
There you go.
You know, Harold Washington...
- Woman: 
My man. 
- Yeah.
Harold Washington was one of the reasons I moved to Chicago.
Woman:
Hmm,washe ,now?
When I first came here, every barber shop and chicken shack on the Southside had a squeaky-clean picture of him hanging up on the wall for everyone to see.
- Man: 
He's right about that. 
- Woman: 
They all do.
Chicago's first black mayor.
- He was our mayor.
- Woman: 
Yes, sir. 
Yes, sir.
- Yeah.
- But even Mayor Washington disappointed in some respects.
He had to face the great truth of our country-- that it's not easy to get things done.
You know, the founders made it that way on purpose.
They made it messy... so that no one law, no one government, no one man, could decide the fate of everything and everyone.
In very simple terms, we got a heck of a lot of different people with a heck of a lot of different agendas.
But I also believe that people, most people, are basically, at their core, good people.
So, if at first we don't understand their agenda, city council, the aldermen, and the state senator... we have to try our hardest to understand who they are and what they need.
We have to let go of judgment.
That's a lesson...
I learned today from a friend.
Nomatterwhatwethink aboutsomeone... wenevertrulyknow whatit'sliketowalk  intheirshoes.
But we have to try.
Youknow,whether it'sa colleague, afamilymember, or a particular opponent-- well, especially our opponents.
Because where their needs align with our needs... is where things get done.
Now, that's America.
Just a bunch of different states.
Statesofland, statesofmind, statesofpeople.
And it's up to us, all of us, to keep all those different states... united.
(seagullsscreeching)
( screeching )
Thanks for inviting me.
It's been a while since I've had that kind of connection to real-life struggle.
Me, too.
In high school, my typing teacher gave me an A-.
( chuckles )
I wrote her a letter every day until she changed it to an A.
I celebrated all day long.
But that night, I couldn't sleep.
I kept asking myself over and over again,
"Did I even deserve the A?"
Sometimes, I forget why I'm fighting.
Or even that I am fighting.
I didn't know I was wrestling with myself about the firm.
I understand that.
You think you're real smooth, don't you?
Why?
Did you know you were speaking today?
No!
Well, not exactly.
I knew there was a decent chance, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Pretty good setting to bring a girl.
Surrounded by people who adore you, people who might tell this girl heart-tugging stories about how you inspired their sons to join the navy.
And an inspirational speech that had everybody in awe, Mr. Obama.
Including you?
It wasn't bad.
You sounded a little professorial.
( chuckles )
But you definitely have a knack for making speeches.
Thank you.
You know, that being said, it didn't hurt to take you there on our first date.
- Our first what?
- You heard me.
( chuckles ) You must have misspoken, because according to you, this isn't a date until I say so.
You know, if you don't wanna spend any more time with me today,
I'll respect it.
I won't like it, but I'll respect your wishes.
But if you wanna keep hanging, let's call it a date and move on to the next event.
- Next event?
- Drinks and a movie.
You think you're real smooth.
And real cute.
I don't know about the cute part.
I mean, they did look good on Dumbo.
- I'd rather be Dumbo than the Wicked Queen.
- Wicked Queen?
Now, you can't just say any old wicked queen.
- From which movie?
- ( both chuckling )
- ( chatter ) - ( music playing )
¶Whycan'tnobody loveme¶
¶Likemy babydoes?
¶
¶Younggirl turnedoutto be ¶
¶Twotimes, twicethewoman¶
¶ThatIthought shewas...¶
Michelle: 
Don't even comeatme withthat "Innervisions"nonsense.
Barack:
It'sa betteralbum allaround.
Michelle: "You and I," "SunshineofMy Life," "Superstition."
- Barack: 
All great songs. 
- His best.
Huh, not better than "Higher Ground."
"Talking Book" was the first album I ever heard.
And if it was the last, I'd be set for life.
- That's how brilliant it is.
- Mm-mm.
( chuckles ) Man.
Well, at least we can agree that Stevie is the best.
- Mm.
- At least we can start from there.
Okay, so what about that moment in the church before the meeting?
Which?
I think Bernadette said it about you finally dating a sister.
( both chuckling )
Who knows with those two?
- They love to gossip.
- Is it true?
- Is what true?
- That you never date black women?
- Not true.
- But you did date white women.
I've dated a couple white women, yes.
Which do you prefer?
( chuckles )
Come on, buster.
Now it's your turn to ante up.
My girlfriend at Columbia was white.
Okay.
It was pretty serious.
What was her name?
Jennifer.
How long were you with Jennifer?
A little over two years.
( chuckles ) Mm-hmm.
Columbia was a... strange time in my life.
I was reading a lot, figuring stuff out.
I had very few friends.
- Except for Jennifer.
- ( chuckles ) Exactly.
She was lovely.
She really was.
She was very caring.
Kept me company when I was lonely.
We fell into that private little universe couples can fall into where you develop your own kind of language and customs, you know?
I've never had that with anyone other than my own family.
It's nice.
Anyway, when we went to visit her family, they were incredibly gracious to me.
Very nice, open-minded people.
But I looked around at all the pictures on the walls, all the white faces, and I knew I couldn't spend any more of my life living as an outsider.
Does that answer your question?
So, why did you come to Chicago?
To try and make a difference.
Mm-hmm.
Thought I would, too.
Thought maybe I'd work civil cases.
Help women, empower them.
Being at that meeting today aroused some of those old dreams.
Lit some kind of fire.
But those last couple years, the corporate firms descend upon the campus like a pack of wolves.
And they're so appealing.
( chuckles )
I wanted to be in a position to pay off my loans, pay my folks back, live a little, enjoy life.
There's nothing wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong with it until there is.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I just feel like something else is pulling at me.
I wonder if I can write books or hold a position of influence in civil rights.
- Politics?
- Maybe.
I just want to do more.
Yeah, so do I.
And maybe just wanting it is enough for now.
Hm.
Whatever I end up doing,
I take comfort in knowing I can't do much worse than my dad did.
That doesn't sound like the same guy who gave that fancy speech earlier, the one who talked about letting go of judgment.
I've noticed how you talk about your father.
That's such an angry way to live your life-- judging him, living your life against his.
You're still fighting him, but he's not here anymore.
You said earlier you felt his life was incomplete.
Every father's life is incomplete.
That's why they have sons-- to finish what they started.
You know, my grandfather was not a very generous man.
He could have helped my dad through college, but he was so terrified of getting into debt, he refused to lend him any money.
So my dad had to drop out of school aftera year.
Tooka while, butheforgave mygrandfather.
Then he got his job with the city... and he has spent the rest of his life working in that boiler room, making sure not to do to his kids what his father did to him.
You have to forgive your father... soyourangerdoesn't turnyouintohim .
Youhaveto forgivehim ... soyoucanbe betterthanhim.
That'swhathe wouldwant.
(sirenswailing)
(policeradiochatter)
( yelling )
Man:
Getoutof theway ,man !
Cop:
Breakitup ,breakitup!
Getoffof him!
Getoff,man!
Getoutof theway !
Man:
Letmethrough!
Letmethrough!
Let me through!
Get off me, get off me!
Get his arm!
Get his arm!
- Cop #2: 
Gary, that's enough. 
- Gary: 
Shut up.
Gary,that'senough,man !
( man choking )
- Cop #2: 
Gary, that'senough!
- Gary: 
Shut up!
Man:
RadioRaheem!
RadioRaheem!
- No!
- Radio!
RadioRaheem!
RadioRaheem!
(menyelling)
( audience cheering )
Man in theater:
Yeah!
(menyelling)
(glassshattering, objectscrashing)
Michelle:
What's the matter?
Be careful!
I feel a riot coming on.
- Ugh.
- ( chuckling )
- I'm gonna use the restroom.
- Okay.
Woman:
No,I don'twannasee it. 
Man:
Michelle?
It is you.
Your height gave you away.
( Michelle laughs )
Avery, what are you doing here?
Uh, picking up groceries.
What do you think?
We came to the movies.
- You did?
- Yeah.
We partners do that from time to time.
And, uh-- and on occasion, we bring along our wives.
Laura, this is Michelle Robinson, one of our more tenacious associates.
Michelle, this is my wife, Laura.
So pleased to make your acquaintance.
Likewise, likewise.
I think Avery mentions you at least a dozen times a day.
Are you here alone?
Me? 
Um, I'm... witha friend.
Actually...
I have to go.
What did you think of the film?
What did I think?
I liked it.
Well, all the hoopla leading up to it,
I had to see for myself.
Oh, what did you think?
Compelling, though the ending was puzzling andmorethan alittleinfuriating.
Ha! 
Barack!
- Avery.
- Wow!
Having a Sidley Austin reunion, here.
(nervouslaughter) Wejustcamefroma communitymeeting that we attended as colleagues and friends, and just thought it might be a good idea to stop and see the movie, since it's something everybody was talking about.
Um, thank you for that illuminating explanation.
Laura, thisisoneofour summerassociates, averytalentedyoungman, 
Barack Obama.
Very pleased to make your acquaintance.
Pleasure's all mine.
So, you got around to seeing the movie, I take it.
Yes, yes, we did.
In fact, I was just explaining to Michelle how angry that ending made me.
Why would the deliveryman have thrown the trash can through his employer's window?
Hemusthaveknown hisactionswouldcause themobto riot.
Itseemed totallyirrational.
Let me put it to you another way, Avery.
I'm all ears.
IfMookiehadn'tthrown thetrashcan, maybe the crowd would have turned on Sal and his sons.
So, instead of the store being destroyed, they might be dead.
And Mookie knew the insurance would cover the damage to the store.
He was saving Sal's life.
I never would have considered that perspective, Barack.
See, that's why we need a guy like you full-time.
( chuckles )
Michelle, make sure to treat him real good.
We want him sticking around.
We'll see you both Monday.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Night.
You know I only said that to make Avery feel better.
Mookie threw that trash can because he was fucking angry.
( chuckles )
What a coincidence seeing him here.
That's really wild.
It wasn't a coincidence.
It was cosmic justice.
I knew damn well going out with you was the wrong thing to do-- pun intended-- and don't even try to convince me otherwise, Barack, because there's nothing you can say.
Nothing?
I can't tell you that Avery doesn't give a hoot about seeing the two of us out?
"Make sure to treat him real good."
That was not okay, Barack.
By any measure.
It was smarmy.
You don't think that was laced with anything?
You don't think he meant anything by that?
Maybe he did.
So, what?
First thing Monday morning he's gonna spread this juicy little anecdote around the office like wildfire.
You know, none of this would have happened if you had just respected the boundaries I laid out, but you refused.
You didn't respect our working relationship.
And now that's all there's going to be.
(laughter,chatter)
I don't want any...
(dooropens,closes)
It's pretty good.
( laughs ) You want some?
Sure.
(musicplaying)
¶Whatgoesunderneath yourarmor¶
¶Underneathyourclothes?
¶
¶Doyouknow?
¶
¶Let'sfindout  together¶ 
¶Let'sfind whatwe'relookingfor ¶
¶We'llexplore¶
¶Leaveyourhouse ofmirrors¶
¶Hearme out¶
¶Fearno consequence¶
¶Forgetyourdoubts¶
¶I don'tknow wheretheroadleads¶
¶Youdon'tknow ifI 'llbreakyourheart¶
¶Wedon'tknow howthewindswillblow ¶
¶Andwe won'tknow¶
¶Wewon'tgo¶ 
¶Unlesswe start¶
¶Ooh,ooh,start¶
¶Fallintothe sea ¶
¶Ofpossibility¶
¶Andhope¶
¶We'relettinggo¶ 
¶Floatawaywithme¶
¶Untilwe can'tsee  anycoast¶
¶Thatwe know¶
¶Holdon tight untilwebecomeone ¶
¶Findourisland¶
¶Underneaththesun ¶
¶I don'tknow wheretheroadleads¶
¶Youdon'tknow ifI 'llbreakyourheart¶
¶Andwe don'tknow howthewindswillblow ¶
¶Andwe won'tknow¶
¶Wewon'tgo¶ 
¶Unlesswe start¶
¶Ooh,ooh,ooh ,ooh ¶
¶Start,yeah¶
¶Allthelove insideus¶
¶Allyouwanttogive¶ 
¶Onlyhappens ifweletitlive ¶
¶AndIdon 'tknow wheretheroadleads¶
¶Ooh,ooh,ooh ,ooh ¶
¶Youdon'tknow ifI 'llbreakyourheart¶
¶Wedon'tknow howthewindswillblow ¶
¶Andwe won'tknow¶
¶Wewon'tgo¶ 
¶Unlesswe start¶
¶Ooh,ooh,ooh , ooh,ooh,ooh¶
¶Start,yeah¶
¶Oh,unlesswestart¶
¶Ooh¶
¶Oh,let'sstart¶
¶Yeah¶
¶Unlesswe start.¶

- Please don't kill me.
I'll do anything that you want.
Do you want to kiss me?
Is that what you want?
You want me to take my clothes off?
You...
You want to touch me?
You can touch me.
Is that what you like?
You want to see more?
- What's the matter?
- I'm sorry, I just...
I wasn't sure if...
Adele told you there was gonna be nudity, right?
Yeah, we want to make real sure that signal doesn't get crossed.
- Yeah, no, I'm sorry.
I just, I wasn't sure if... oh, she's wondering if we needed her to... oh, you mean like right now?
- Yeah, no.
That's not necessary.
- Okay.
Yeah, we can see how beautiful you are.
- No, look, it's...
We appreciate your determination, but she did tell you that the nudity is fairly extensive though, Adele, right?
Um, she just said that there was nudity.
- Nah, it's extensive.
- You're okay with that?
Is that?
'Cause if it's not cool.
What we're saying is we need someone who's not gonna... yeah, we cannot show up on set, and have the girl just change her mind at the last minute, you know?
- Yeah, no.
Adele explained it to me.
Okay, but sometimes, even then, the agent and manager explain it, and then, you gotta tell us now, because this film, the way we're gonna shoot's gonna be very verite.
A lot of long takes.
It would, it has to be you.
It can't be a double.
- Don't worry, sweetheart.
We'll make sure you look beautiful.
- Uh, yeah, no, that's fine.
That's fine.
Um, should I?
- Yes, please.
- Can we go back?
- Sure.
Where are we going back to, honey?
- Oh, um.
How about, "I'll do anything you want?"
Is that okay?
Yeah, whatever, sweetheart.
It's all about you.
- You want to kiss me?
Is that what you want?
You think I'm gonna fall for that?
I don't know, I don't know what you want from me.
I'll take my clothes off.
You want to touch me?
You can touch me.
Yeah, you like that?
You want to see more?
You can see more.
Is that what you want?
You want me to take my clothes off?
You want to touch me?
You can touch me.
Is that what you want?
It's just a couple of days.
- It's three nights.
Four days.
Movie you auditioned for today, where does it shoot?
- Um, in Colombia.
- The country?
- No, the city, in Missouri.
- Is it a slasher film?
They're, what, meth addicts?
Zombie meth addicts on icicles?
Please tell me you're not running around naked, screaming and crying.
You're hiding your body from me?
Beth.
You know, there's a hundred art films.
If you want mine, i can download right now, where you had your fucking clothes off.
You know that, right?
What about it?
Are you getting naked again, or what?
- I don't know.
I didn't read the whole script.
You want me to cancel my trip?
- No.
I'm sorry.
I'm a jerk.
- I just feel like a bad friend.
- Hey, stop talking like that.
You're a good friend.
The two of you will go away, have a nice time.
It'll be good for you.
What?
I like Anna.
- No you don't.
- I do.
- You think she's a bully.
- She's a little intense.
Just, the whole career obsession thing.
I just don't know if it's such a great influence for you to be around, that's all.
But I like Anna.
- You're a terrible liar.
You are.
Maybe that's why I trust you.
- You trust me?
- Mm-hmm.
- Big mistake. 
Big mistake.
Hey.
- Hmm?
Sorry for the way i talked to you before.
It wasn't nice.
Wish it didn't bother me so much, but it does.
I'm sorry.
I mean, do you think that i like to take my clothes off in a room full of hot lights and total strangers?
If you don't, why do you do it?
- What's this?
The guy who gave me the estimate said my spark plugs were misfiring or something?
- Right.
Well, also, there was a problem with your oxygen sensor, but, don't worry, we took care of that for you.
- Oh, you did.
Okay, what are you doing right now?
- Ma'am?
- Are you lying to me?
Because the guy who gave me the estimate didn't say anything about any oxygen sensor.
He said my spark plugs were misfiring.
- Well, ma'am.
I apologize if that's the case, but...
- what?
What do you mean, if?
I assure you that's the case.
Well, I apologize for the confusion, but...
- there is no confusion.
The guy who gave me the estimate didn't say anything about any, what, fucking oxygen sensor.
Well, ma'am, the fact of the matter is that oxygen sensor has malfunctioned fairly frequently.
- Oh, I bet they do.
I take pride in running an honest business, so I apologize if some mistake was made here...
- okay, now you keep saying if.
A mistake was made.
A mistake was definitely made.
Ma'am, there's no need to raise your voice here.
- No?
I show up here expecting to pay for one repair, and there's an extra charge for 300 fucking dollars slipped in that I know absolutely nothing about?
Okay, there is no need for that kind of language, ma'am.
Okay, well $300 is a lot of fucking money to me, so you'll excuse me if i don't appreciate the fact that you're trying to fucking steal it from me.
- I'm doing no such thing.
Oxygen sensors fail all the time.
If you've got a broken one and you don't repair it, your car's gas mileage is gonna drop, and over time, it's gonna cost you a lot more.
- No, no, no.
That's not the point.
The point is it wasn't in the estimate.
Even if you're telling the truth, I didn't approve of the repair.
That's all that matters.
Well, ma'am, normally i would give the customer the benefit of the doubt, but the fact is,
I really don't like your attitude.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
You don't like my attitude?
- That's right.
I mean, if you were a touch more ladylike.
- Are you fucking kidding me?
This is your fucking problem, not mine.
- I wasn't there.
I don't know who said what.
Oh, you're just absolving yourself of any responsibility now?
Fine.
You know what, I'm not gonna stand here and argue with a fucking criminal.
I'll pay for the spark plugs, but I'm disputing the rest of the charges.
- Houses, apartments, condos.
Offices...
- Paul?
Whoa.
- Hi.
- Hi, how's it going?
- Good, how are you?
- You're not behind the counter.
Not used to that.
- It's my day off.
- Yeah, uh-huh.
- Where you going?
- Uh, camping.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm - cool.
- Where about?
- Big sur.
- Big sur.
- Yeah.
- That's where this one's going.
Anna's aunt's got a house up there.
Little old girls getaway.
- Like now?
- Yeah, just, for the weekend.
- Weird.
No, no.
It's funny, 'cause I was just thinking about you the other day, you know.
I'm doing this short, and I was thinking of using Anna.
Yeah, I would just call her, but there's no money, so I didn't wanna like offend her.
Do you think she'd be offended if?
Do you think she'd do it for free?
No, no, she'd probably, she'd probably do it.
Yeah, she usually does whatever.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- Maybe I'll see you up there?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- You okay?
- Yeah, fine. 
I'm fine.
- She's here!
All right.
Got everything?
- Yeah.
- I'll get that.
- Thank you.
Well, okay, but you're not listening to me.
I don't have the fucking money.
A hardship letter could result in lower late fees.
No, I don't want lower late fees!
I want no late fees, because this isn't my fucking fault.
It's your fault.
Then we're gonna have to freeze your card.
- Well, fuck you.
- Um, do you want me to drive?
- No, it's fine.
- I'm really sorry about that.
- It's fine.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm sorry. 
I'm fine.
You look tired.
- Uh, yeah, I guess, maybe.
I guess you've been really busy, right?
- Not really.
- Okay, ready?
Is your boss still harassing you?
- Of course.
I'm his favorite.
He told me he had a dream when he came on my tits the other day, so.
Oh my god, you have to quit.
- The money's just not as good, and I can't afford to take
tuxedo park, that like rich place, the mansion.
- I forgot about tuxedo park.
- Yeah.
- Was that where it was?
Yes, don't you remember we like thought we were gonna go to this horrible slum thing, and it ended up being this mansion, and we didn't...
- tuxedo park.
Yes, and everybody was actually wearing a tuxedo in tuxedo park.
And we had like jeans, and nothing else.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Him. 
Him.
- He liked me.
- Yeah, he did.
He totally did.
Oh my god, when did he tell you that?
I think when I was working at union pool.
- Wait a second.
When did you work at union pool?
That time that I was guest DJing with that boy that I liked.
Who was the boy that you liked?
- That guy, Steven.
Oh, god, he was such an asshole.
- No, he wasn't that bad.
- Are you?
He walked all over you.
- Not really.
Oh, shit, I can't believe I forgot to tell you this.
I saw him before i moved out here.
- You did?
Yeah, he was like sitting on the ground outside the Starbucks in union square, and he had this like mustache.
Well, I'm not like necessarily against a mustache.
- No, no, no, no, no.
This was like a straggly like wispy situation.
- Ew.
- 
- It was glazed.
It was horrible.
- Ew.
- I think he had a nose bleed.
Oh my god, you're messing with me.
I think he was just like bleeding all over the sidewalk.
You're totally lying, you're totally lying to me.
No, I'm pretty sure that's what happened.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Wait, so he told you he liked me?
- Who, Blake.
- Yeah.
- Yes, I think so.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- I am telling you.
- Well, yeah, thanks.
Like five years later.
I didn't know that you liked him.
You really liked him?
- Yes.
- Whoops.
I feel like you're wrong anyways.
- No, I'm not.
Yes, you are, and I'm remembering sort of...
- excuse me.
I am so sorry to interrupt.
I mean, I never do anything like this.
I'm actually a private person, you know, myself, but, haven't I seen you in something?
You're in TV, right?
- Yeah.
- I knew it.
I knew it.
What have I seen you in?
- I don't know.
- Oh, gosh.
I know it is.
I think I know.
Oh, I know, I remember, it's wendecalm.
You are so good in that.
- Uh, thank you.
- You were so good.
- Thanks.
- And so nice.
Do you mind if i get your autograph?
Because it would mean a lot to me.
I'm Sandra.
- Sure.
Sure.
- Nice to meet you.
Here's a fountain pen.
I hope you like it.
- This is my friend, Anna.
She's also an actress.
Have i seen you in anything?
- No, I would be surprised.
- I am just blown away by this.
Do you mind if I take a photo?
- No, not at all.
- Oh, my god.
I'm like just so excited about this, I can't even tell you.
Uh, it's right there.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- Sure.
- Okay, one, two, three.
She went away.
She turned the office into a guest room, so that my cousin could stay with her.
- Oh, nice.
Yeah, but he's obviously not here anymore, so.
- Great. 
Perfect.
- Better, right?
- Yeah, I love it.
- Yeah, it's way better.
It's beautiful, huh?
- Hmm?
- The view.
Still don't get any reception, huh?
Do you remember that guy, Ryan?
The one whose short I did that went to Sundance?
Well, he sent me this feature script he's been working on, and he really wanted me to show it to this producer on that movie I shot last June.
I guess he like really wants to work with this one producer, and like, wanted me to show it to him.
Oh, I left my shampoo in my bag.
Do you mind grabbing it for me?
Thanks.
- So, what did you tell him?
Oh, so I told him that i didn't have a chance.
Show the producers, you know, and he was like,
"what do you mean you don't have a chance?
"You've been on set all week."
And I was like, "yeah, but the producers aren't even there
"every day."
I don't know.
I just feel like he expects so much from me, and I, I'm just getting my feet wet, you know?
- Wait, what?
- What?
You're in the united Hollywood issue?
Why didn't you tell me about this?
- Where did you get that?
- From your bag.
Why didn't you tell me this happened?
- I don't know.
Do you think i wouldn't find out?
I, I really didn't think about it.
- I mean, this is crazy.
This is so cool.
I can't believe you wouldn't have mentioned this before.
- I don't know.
I really, really don't think it's that big a deal.
- It's a really big deal.
- I'm sorry.
You don't have to apologize to me.
You should just be more excited when things like this happen.
- No, you're right.
You hit him?
No, I mean, i didn't hit him.
I like shoved him.
- But like, hard?
- Uh, well, kind of.
Okay, we were standing at the bar, and Josh was saying something that I like really didn't agree with, and so I chimed in, but obviously, it was a bar, so I started speaking loudly, you know what I mean?
- Right.
Oh, I'm okay.
Um, do you want some of this, 'cause it's really good.
- No.
- All right.
Are you really not gonna have any?
- Yeah, I mean, I'd like to, but I just, I've been sleeping so much better since I stopped.
I know, but it's not like you have to get up for an audition tomorrow morning.
Come on.
- Okay, just a little bit.
A little.
- Okay.
- A little bit...
- these are very small glasses.
Mrs. Blackstone. 
I'm Eldon Chance.
It says here that you separated from your husband after he struck you in the face.
Shortly thereafter, you became aware of a second personality... 
Jackie Black.
I hate the name Jackie.
The only person who calls me that is him.
The patient states that Jackie is daring and extroverted.
How was the lecture?
Tell us about it.
Graduate student from the math department was lecturing on the axiom of choice.
Why?
Would you care?
We're a predatory species.
I mean, that's the world I deal with every day.
And next time we coincide like this that's on you.
Back there.
What's that about?
What you do with it is up to you.
What are you saying?
That what you just did was some kind of audition?
- No.
- Why? 
The rules?
You think that's how he feels?
There are no victims.
Only volunteers.
Oh, God.
I want to make love to you with my mouth.
Stop it.
Stop it. 
Stop it.
No. 
No. 
Stop. 
Stop.
You okay?
Was it Jackie?
I...
I don't know. 
She di...
She didn't say her name, but yes, I believe it was.
I need to go.
Did you... 
Did you drive?
Come on. 
We'll call you a cab.
It'll be okay.
You were still up?
Yeah, well, after what happened earlier, sleep didn't seem like an option.
So what happened after the two of you left the restaurant?
Nothing.
He likes to keep people off balance, in suspense.
I didn't see him after we left.
At least that's how I remember it.
And has... has Jackie ever done this before?
Has she ever appeared somewhere outside the context of Raymond?
'Cause you said that you had these periods that you can remember, these blank spaces, and then Raymond was there.
But he's not here now.
I don't know.
Maybe it's something about you.
Hmm.
Yeah, well, I admit I was intrigued.
It was the words as words that interested me.
It's the words as words
I like to escape from now and then.
I didn't know he was violent, not until that day in Marin.
We had sandwiches, a bottle of wine.
It was all kind of perfect.
Driving home, we had a flat.
He jacked up the car without loosening the lug nuts.
It was no big deal.
Funny, actually.
Like being struck by lightning on a cloudless day.
On our way to the hospital, he said he was sorry.
He told me how it would be if I tried to leave.
When we got home... he wanted sex.
Before all that happened, there was no Jackie Black.
I met with an Oakland ADA, and, uh, we were doing some cases for them pro bono for one reason.
You think that will give you some leverage... someone to talk to about Raymond?
Have you heard anything I said?
He's not omnipotent, Jaclyn.
There are limits.
Not until he's dead.
Him or me.
Well, if that's what you believe, why did you want to meet?
You're my knight.
Jackie said that, too.
Then I guess she was right.
Mine?
The lady will be right down.
Is there somewhere you can go during the day?
Tell them you're tutoring and see Suzanne?
I don't know. 
Maybe.
That you should even think of all this, the way you stood up to him in that restaurant.
I hardly stood up to him.
You did.
And don't think he didn't notice.
Oh, my God.
So what is all this?
Oh, this is, uh...
It's just a hobby of mine.
This connection between sense of smell and memory interests me.
Mmm. 
That's nice.
Like a desert after the rain.
Other pathways run through the thalamus.
Sense of smell has direct access to the limbic system, which is why emotional, visceral responses to scent are so powerful.
Sorry, I, uh... 
I can get very boring about this.
No.
I like it when you talk like a doctor.
Well, the cab's here.
We should probably go.
No, one more.
You pick which one.
Something you like.
Okay.
Uh, this is from the south of Italy.
Jaclyn?
You scared me.
You're never here this early.
Yeah. 
Sorry.
Did you sleep here?
Not really, no.
I had some things I had to get caught up on.
Oh. 
For this afternoon?
The conference, your presentation.
Shit.
Oh, you forgot.
Shit. 
Shit. 
Shit.
Jaclyn Blackstone...
I thought we'd given her to Suzanne Simms.
Yes, we have.
Do you want to maybe get us some coffee?
This was in the hallway.
Somebody left it by the door.
It's not the best wrapping job I've ever seen.
What is it? 
Who's it from?
I know a way you could find out.
Aah!
What is it?
It's this.
There was no note.
Mrs. Eldard.
She has an arts-and-crafts studio in North Beach, and she was crushing on you a little bit.
You put those two things together and...
Well, I broke it, so...
Here.
Well, maybe I can fix it.
Oh, and your finger, too.
Suzanne called.
She said your text woke her up, your cellphone is off, and you owe her a latte.
Right.
You should have told her to go.
Yes, I should have, but the point is Jackie Black is real.
She's real, and I saw her.
You still don't believe me.
You know as well as I do dissociative disorders of this type almost always arrive much earlier in life and from childhood abuse.
I mean, we didn't deep-dive into her history, but Jaclyn did say she had a wonderful childhood.
But you said that the work you were doing was behavioral... strategies by which she'd say no to her husband.
That's true.
Saying you had a wonderful childhood
- does not make it so.
- Well...
You know, my collection of perfumes?
She found it, she wanted to try one.
The reaction was like some past horror
- that she's not even aware of.
- Hmm.
Now, I can't pursue that, but you could.
Just wait a second.
Let... 
Let me ask you something.
How did Blackstone know to come to that restaurant?
I don't know.
He either overheard her talking to me or he's tracking her cell or he followed her.
Or she told him where she was going.
Who? 
Jackie or Jaclyn?
And why would either one of them do that?
I don't know.
But I guess I'm going to try to find out.
I was speaking to a friend who just happens to have a daughter who just happens to be having trouble in pre-calculus.
They're in Oakland, in the hills.
And they're okay with you seeing Jaclyn there?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, you are the best.
Mm-hmm.
I am the best.
El, I need you to accept the role you played in this... how you drew Blackstone's focus, and you turned something bad into something even worse.
You know what? 
Scratch that.
From now on,
I need you to stay the hell away from her.
I promise.
Oh, really?
That... 
That... 
That's just not good enough.
Mnh-mnh.
I swear.
How's that?
- That's a little better.
- Thank you.
Hey.
He says he knows you.
- I told Mr. D...
- It's okay, Lucy.
We have to talk.
You want to step in here?
Carl said you were asking after the guy who bought your stuff. 
Yeah.
Uh, the Russian, Mr. Morozov.
I wouldn't go there, brother.
I-I don't understand.
What's to understand?
Message you left got the boss a little spooked.
Carl's got a reputation.
Anything goes out his door is something he's authenticated personally.
He can't just tell people he was wrong or shit's been fucked with.
He cancelled the check he made out to you, pulled it out in cash.
Count it if you want to.
We good?
Yeah.
How's it coming with your cop buddy...
Blackstone?
I've been thinking about him.
He threatened me.
When was that?
Last night.
At a Chinese restaurant in Berkeley.
I'd gone there to meet Jaclyn, and he showed up.
What kind of threat?
He asked if I had kids, and he started talking about humans as a predatory species.
He said if we met again, there'd be trouble.
And then this morning, there was a menu from the Chinese restaurant on my car.
There's ways of handling a guy like that because right now, he's the feeder.
I don't even know what that means.
That shit in the alley...
How did I work that?
It was very fast. 
It was very violent.
I made sure they were reacting to me.
People talk about self-defense...
all bullshit.
If I'm defending, I'm losing.
I want the other guy defending while I attack.
That's how you win in the real world, in a real fight.
You want to get down with this cop, you need to turn the tables on him.
Right now Blackstone is the feeder, you're the receiver.
You've got to turn that around.
And how would I do that?
You might hire it done.
What? 
You?
First thing would be to gather intel.
She says he's dirty.
What does that mean?
It's not that hard to kill a clean cop.
They put themselves in dangerous situations all the time.
Any one of them could go wrong.
But a cop who's dirty... his whole life is a dangerous situation.
You just need to pay attention.
Where does he go? 
Who does he see?
- When is he most vulnerable?
- I think... 
And I know I asked, but I think I'm gonna have to stop you there.
I want to handle this on my own.
No shit.
How's that going?
It's a work in progress.
Awesome.
But while you're progressing, he's still the feeder.
So think about that.
Here you go.
Hi.
Okay.
Ah! 
Okay.
A map, a program.
We are in Saavedra Hall, apparently, hosted by the Center for Geriatric Medicine.
Exciting.
Here's a name tag for you to wear around your neck.
But will it support my weight, is the question, in the event that I elect to pass the time hanging myself?
That's not funny.
It's Vladimir and Estragon.
"Waiting for Godot."
You know, when they brought "Godot" to America, it opened in Miami in this dinner theater.
It was billed as the laugh riot of two continents, and it bombed.
So then they put it on for prisoners in Sing Sing.
People said it wouldn't work.
They wouldn't get it.
It was too highbrow.
Of course, they did.
Laughed their asses off, 'cause it spoke to them where they lived.
In Sing Sing?
In a place of existential dread.
To make a meaningful cognitive assessment, you first have to determine where the person lives existentially... in which state... anxiety, depression, isolation.
Mm-hmm.
That is what the methodology we're here to present is gonna account for.
Could really change the game for patients.
That's what we want to do.
It's what I want to do.
Yeah.
Dr. Chance.
Eric Martin, Stanford Geriatrics.
- How are you?
- Good, thank you. 
How are you?
Good. 
We met at, uh, Fort Miley Vet Center.
That's right.
May I introduce Lucy Baek, my office manager?
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.
Grad student in clinical psych at Berkeley.
Oh, fantastic.
Nice to have you here with us, Ms. Baek.
Thanks.
And I will see you onstage in, uh, 15.
- 15 it is.
- Can't wait.
Good.
Hey.
Give me a pound.
Give me a break.
In addition to his work as a forensic neuropsychiatrist, you may also be familiar with his interests in the field of cognitive assessment.
Dr. Eldon Chance.
Thank you. 
Thank you.
Thank you, Dr. Martin, for that very generous introduction that I will try to live up to.
Uh, good afternoon, everyone.
How are we feeling today?
Now, I wanted to begin by...
I, uh...
I'm sorry. 
That... 
That, uh...
It's... not hard to understand the... uh, the popularity of... of, uh, assessment tests that claim to offer a global composite score.
I... 
We...
We have to be, uh, aware of the...
the danger.
I mean, you had this, and then all of a sudden, it was like panic mode.
I-I didn't know what to do, if I should go up there or what.
Are you all right?
I-I have to stop.
I'll just meet you at the car.
What's going on?
I-I don't know. 
I'm sorry.
Yes?
Please tell me Nicole is with you.
Oh, my God, Eldon.
I called the school, and I called the police.
She left school before lunch.
W-What did the police say?
"Who are her friends?" and...
"Who was the last one to see her?"
Do we know? 
Who... who was the last person?
Yeah, it's Shawn. 
It's Shawn.
But all she could say was she saw her before lunch.
She was heading toward the marina, and she thought she was coming home.
I mean... 
I mean, even if she's gonna lie,
- she'd still call.
- Do we have...
Do we have Shawn's number?
Yeah, I talked to Shawn, so did the police.
Are you listening?
This is my fault. 
This is all my fault.
What are you talking about?
No, please, don't do that.
Please, just focus. 
I need your help.
I can't do this by myself.
Hey. 
Hey.
Neil.
Sorry, I-I went all over.
Nothing.
Hey, uh, I'm... 
I'm gonna drive.
- I've got to drive.
- No, no, where are you going?
I just... 
It's better than sitting here. 
I can't.
I really tried everywhere I could think of.
Well, maybe you don't know her as well as you think.
Hello?
Daddy?
Oh, God! 
Nic!
Dad?
Oh, God!
Ohh!
Oh. 
Are you okay?
What ha... 
What happened?
No, I'm fine. 
It's okay.
Jesus!
Wha...?
Does... 
Does your neck hurt?
Dad, can we just go, please?
No, come on. 
Nic, look at me.
Open... 
Open up your eyes wide. 
Wide.
Now follow my finger.
- No, dad, I'm fine.
- Nic.
Okay. 
All right.
All right. 
Well, is this the guy?
Thank you, sir, for letting her use the phone.
You want to tell me what happened?
Some asshole hit me and took my backpack... and my phone.
Well, we'll get you another phone.
What did he look like?
I don't know. 
A homeless guy.
Did he hit you with his fist or with his open hand?
His hand.
Where did this happen?
Dad, do we have to talk about this now?
Well, when do you want to talk about it?
Your mother's been calling everyone.
She called the school, your friends, police.
Where were you?
The park.
I'd been for a run, and I was gonna go to the yogurt place.
Alone?
You skipped three classes, Nicky.
I know. 
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Well, the important thing is you're okay.
Are you in pain?
No, daddy.
I'm fine.
Thanks for coming to get me.
I have to take this.
Thank so much for calling, Holly.
Uh, wait just a minute.
Oh, my God.
Oh, come here. 
Let me...
Ohh.
It's fine.
Um... this is, uh, Principal Stein from Havenwood.
Would you let her know what's happening?
Okay, come here.
Hello, this is Eldon Chance.
Dr. Chance, it's Holly Stein.
I don't want to keep you.
Just... 
Is there any news?
Yeah, she, uh... 
She called. 
She's back.
Oh, thank God.
Thank you for following up.
That's very kind of you.
We appreciate that.
Oh, of course.
Just while I have you, though, something came up that I was gonna share with your... uh, Christina, anyway, but because she said she called the police I just thought you both needed to know now.
Hey.
How's the cheek?
It's okay.
Show me?
Do you mind?
No.
I talked with Principal Stein.
Your mother's talking to her now.
You left an art box in your last-period class.
- They went through my stuff?
- Well, yeah, they did.
I guess under the circumstances, people were getting desperate.
Well, there was nothing there, so...
There were some stems and residue.
You know the school's drug policy is zero tolerance.
That's why everyone there is loaded all the time.
Stop it!
Now I need to know the truth.
Could what was there have had anything to do with what happened tonight?
Did you have more in your backpack?
Or you were going somewhere to buy something?
I could do that at school.
I told you.
It was some crazy guy.
Mrs. Stein says that your grades have slipped.
What difference does it make if I'm leaving anyway?
Oh, come on, Nic.
You're not serious about that.
How was your speech?
Mom said you had to go to a conference to talk about an idea you had that might make money.
Yeah.
You remember when I used to fly to Seattle a lot?
That was for this.
Some doctors up there I was working with.
And we kind of dropped the ball, but now it looks like there might be some renewed interest.
So how'd it go?
A work in progress.
You know that book reminds me of when we were sitting on the porch.
You were about 3, and you said the words "outer space"
just like that, out of the blue.
And I asked you if you knew where outer space was, and you pointed down the street and said, "Down there."
Well, I guess that's where I thought it was.
What's going on with you, Nic?
Why did it happen?
Why did what happen?
Was it mom's fault?
Was it because of her and Neil?
It was no one's fault.
How can a divorce be no one's fault?
I'm sorry. 
I don't have any better answers.
We'll talk about your grades in school... all of that... 
later.
But for now, no more going out alone, okay?
We good?
We good?
Good night.
Hello?
Is this a bad time?
Who is this?
You don't have anything to say to me now?
And while the usual consequence in a case like this is expulsion and we've tried very hard to be cognizant of the big picture here and to be sensitive to how hard it can be on the child, and it is to that end that we are willing to consider
the possibility of Nicole's continuing at Havenwood, albeit under strict probation, of course.
And moving forward, I think let's discuss
- the parameters of continuing...
- That won't be necessary.
I'm sorry? 
What won't be.
It won't be necessary for us to discuss anything further.
I'm afraid I don't understand.
Which part?
Besides the obvious hypocrisy of pretending that Nicole faces expulsion over a teaspoon of herbs when the Layton girl was selling pills on campus last fall, and yet I just saw her in the hallway.
Okay, what are you doing?
I'm being the feeder.
It's very simple.
We thank you for your consideration, but we don't need it.
I think the last day of the exams is 10 days from tomorrow.
That'll be Nicole's last day at Havenwood.
You're the feeder?
I grew weary under that woman's assault... what they will accept, what they won't, sensitive this, probationary that.
If we had money, they'd happily take it, zero tolerance be damned.
I thought it was time to end the charade.
Oh, just on your own, without any further discussion?
What's to discuss?
Unless you want to pick up the tab?
What is funny?
The look on Ms. Stein's face.
No. 
No, it's not.
And you and I will talk about this later.
Walk with me a second.
She'll be right back.
Listen.
I'm gonna get busy with that apartment in Berkeley.
You keep saying that.
Yeah, I'm saying it, and I'm doing it.
But I need you to keep your promise about not running alone, okay?
You still think what happened was my fault.
I'm not saying it's your fault, okay.
I just... 
It pays to be watchful.
That's all.
Now what?
Now nothing.
I love you.
Aah!
The patient is a 26-year-old male admitted for psychiatric hospitalization.
Tox screen positive for methamphetamine.
Calm down. 
Calm down.
Prior to admission, patient violated a restraining order issued ex parte on October 8, 1989, in San Diego County Superior Court and was subsequently arrested.
The patient was a post-grad year three doing a residence in psychiatry at Mass General.
He was on call when he encountered the protected party.
They subsequently began a relationship of several months, which ended when she abruptly broke things off and moved to San Diego.
Unable or refusing to accept this decision, patient took a leave of absence and followed.
For the next few months in San Diego, patient persisted in trying to maintain unwanted contact until ultimately protected party retained counsel, and a restraining order was issued, which patient violated shortly thereafter resulting in his arrest.
Diagnosis... in part...
delusional erotomania.
De Clérambault Syndrome.
Everyone feels better when a thing has a name.
How are we doing here?
A little calmer now, I hope.
You awake?
Eldon.
Dr. Chance.
What's up, brother?
You were right.
The shit has hit the fan.
Jesus.
This stuff legit?
You're asking me if kiddie porn is legit?
!
How the fuck should I know?
That's some of the most hateful stuff
I've seen in my life, and yet there it is.
It just popped up on my screen.
I was about to give a lecture.
That could have projected onto screens in front of 100 people.
That's fucked up.
Yeah, fucked up and career-ending.
How could that even happen?
Time bomb.
Get access to someone's computer, input information, hide it, set it to open on a given day.
Day comes... file populates the computer.
You could also rig it to go to e-mail.
Everybody you know could get this stuff.
Laptop always with you?
Yeah.
Then I'd say you got hacked.
I'm not the expert, but it can be done.
Perp is good enough.
He's a cop.
Couldn't be someone you pissed off in court?
Crazy patient?
My daughter was attacked.
Some stranger in the street took her bag, hit her in the face.
This is Blackstone, D. I know it.
And there's more.
Some stuff from the past.
He broke in.
He left it in my car... some medical records, legal stuff.
It's old news, but still damaging if it fell into the wrong hands.
What would that look like?
You lose your license?
They kick you out?
No, I'd still be a doctor, but I'd be compromised.
No one would hire me.
You add the kiddie porn to that, and all bets are off.
This guy is out to crush me.
He's out to show you he can crush you.
There's a difference.
He could have you whacked, but he's trying to scare you instead.
That says something.
My guess... 
You're scaring him.
How?
That's what you need to find out.
Know what your enemy is afraid of.
That's power.
You know, we, uh...
You know, we talked about this once, how I could... hire it done.
I'm not talking about killing anyone.
Just taking him down.
Going through channels.
Yeah. 
Weak, but doable.
Right place and time, grab his computer, download files.
Might give you something.
You could also fuck with him a little.
Give him a time bomb.
I...
I don't want to get into that.
This is not a game.
The question is not "Is it a game?"
The question is "Who sets the rules?"
Who's the feeder?
I'll take that to mean you're ready to talk numbers.
♪

Vanquisher
This is Amil Mazayef.
The Russian Secret Service wants him, and they need our help.
Why are they making us do this?
.
Convenience, Claire, convenience.
They have absolutely no local assets in Thailand.
It's a quid pro quo deal.
What is this?
.
That is an update of al-Qaeda's latest movements.
Right.
It's Special Ops, Claire.
I need you to drive Mazayef out of his hideout in the buffer zone between Thailand and Malaysia.
He hides in the stronghold of the central movement there.
Bring Mazayef in for the deal.
Oh, Claire...
You know what you must do after the Black Ops are finished.
After this assignment, the Vanquisher project must be closed.
Okay.
A little unexpected, but all right.
From what I've seen in your profile, you are qualified for this job.
You're an officer in the Special Ops unit,
Royal Thai Police.
A sub-lieutenant.
How long have you worked there?
.
About four years.
What made you choose the field job?
.
I believe I can do it.
Are you here for yourself or did they send you?
.
Both reasons.
Okay.
Here's what you need to know.
First, after a month of training, you might or might not be chosen.
Second, if you should become chosen, your assigned mission will be highly dangerous.
It involves international terrorism.
Failure could mean death.
You still have a chance to change your mind.
If not, I'll tell you one last thing.
Tell me one last thing.
Your code name is "Gunja."
Can I have another one?
.
There's one rule you must remember.
No negotiation.
Nice to meet you.
Good luck.
This way please.
The test facility is ready.
Major, what's her name?
.
Her code name is Gunja.
She's a police from the Special Operations unit.
Our target is on the other side of the island.
Right here, which is about 1 5 kilometers from where we're going to be landed.
We will be landed on the other side.
Look at the river.
It's actually not a river, because it's short.
However, it will lead us to the location, right here.
It's the same spot where we've seen from the first map.
We're gonna have to find the resting area where we can stop and wait for the TAM.
Our mission must be completed within 1 0 minutes.
Whoever has Mazayef, take him to the pier.
Okay, everybody.
Please be careful.
Do not get hurt.
We'll have to leave you behind if you can't make it back.
[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
[ Aircraft approaching ]
Let's make sure for the last time that we remember this man.
This is Amil Mazayef.
He is Chechnyan, age 45.
He's about a 6-foot-tall Caucasian.
Very dangerous man.
Be very careful.
Never underestimate him.
And remember, we want him alive.
Make no mistake, you only have 1 0 minutes to complete this mission.
Look at this.
[ Grunts ]
[ Gunfire ]
MANe Freeze!
. 
Freeze!
.
Drop the gun!
[ Men fighting ]
[ Gunfire ]
Go! 
Go!
Daddy!
Daddy! 
Daddy!
[ Helicopter whirring ]
Move! 
Move! 
Move!
The unrest in the three southern border provinces keeps getting more violent.
The latest incident is the explosion in Bannang Sata,
Yala province.
At approximately 6: p.m. yesterday,
Yala police authority reported that there was an explosion in front of a local grocery --
[ Cell phone rings ]
Hello, it's Sanda.
Y eah, Major.
Did you receive my data already?
.
Yeah, I got it.
Okay. 
That's good.
We got to fly a C-1 30 down there tonight.
I wish you all the best.
Good luck.
Thanks, Zaifuddin.
You too.
Oh, Captain.
I thought you left.
I almost did, but Sergeant Som asked me to take his shift.
He needs to take his son to the hospital.
Who drove you here?
.
It's Sergeant Som.
And I'll be driving you home.
Oh.
-Zaifuddin.
-Yeah.
You are an expert at this.
-Tell me why it didn't work.
-Of course it works.
And you were there during the explosion test.
You remember, don't you?
.
Yeah, I saw it, but why did it work in only one place?
.
I told you already, if we want to use the one-call technique, we have to make sure the signal call is 1 000/0 stable.
You know, before we plant the explosion powder, we have to make sure that the weather is dry.
We have to make sure we plant it before the day, or after, you understand?
.
Because the land is supposed to be dry land.
You understand?
.
Well...
And will you be back?
.
Yeah. 
I'm going to Kenya for one month.
I'm going to work in Kenya.
And I'll be back in my office in Bangkok.
And I promise you I will help you in any way.
I will do my best.
For sure.
MAN #1 : 
Peace be upon you.
MAN #2e And upon you be peace.
-Peace be upon you.
-And upon you be peace.
Peace be upon you.
-Peace be upon you.
-And upon you be peace.
What's wrong?
.
Nothing.
I just don't like his face.
[ Engines revving ]
[ Gunfire ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Gunfire ]
How's your uncle doing?
.
He's gotten better.
The bullet just grazed his leg.
What about the thing I asked you?
.
Getting information on Zaifuddin.
Don't worry.
Our people in America have agreed to help.
Just relax.
You'll get the information in two months.
Got to give them some time to find the best who can be trusted.
So how did your uncle know he works for the ClA?
.
Actually, he didn't know.
He just didn't like his face.
So he just said this guy could work for the ClA.
What he said made me think of the possibility.
And I became suspicious.
I need to know the truth.
Hey, how's it going over there?
.
Unh-unh-unh.
You know, what you're doing here could land you in jail for 70 years.
You know this is America, not, you know, France.
[ Chuckles ]
Who's going to find me?
.
George Bush?
.
[ Laughs, sighs ]
Yeah.
George Bush might find you.
You know, you could get caught.
Don't worry.
The law says that people have a right to know everything.
Are you kidding?
.
Everything?
.
You know, this is very confidential information from the Vice President's office.
Don't forget.
-I'm just looking for [ indistinctly ]...
-You're crazy.
Okay, bingo.
I need you to listen very carefully, Claire.
Top-secret data has been hacked from the Vice President's office.
It's information about our friend Zaifuddin.
It puts him in very hot water.
Why didn't you warn him?
.
Oh, we did, but we need to do more.
So you're getting on a plane.
Where is he?
.
In Bangkok.
No, Bob. 
No way.
I'm not giving you a choice, Claire.
I'm giving you a direct order.
The Vanquisher has been eliminated, Bob.
I've known about the elimination for two years, Claire.
You don't have to do the same dirty work this time.
The man inside is the lead terrorist.
Terrorist!
God! 
Terrorist!
Who knows how to get the scum of the earth to fuck off and go to hell?
.
We do, Claire.
Of course we do.
But what if that means that we're the ones who are fucked off, too?
.
[ Laughs ]
I need you to find our friend, Claire.
Protect him.
If something happens to Zaifuddin, you will take his place.
Sorry for being late.
Amil Al-zuri.
You two-faced rat!
[ Printer whirring ]
[ Engines revving ]
[ Grunting ]
Zaifuddin!
He betrayed us!
[ Gunfire ]
Zaifuddin!
You lying bastard!
[ Gunfire continues ]
WOMANe Every life belongs to Allah.
No one has the right to destroy what belongs to Allah.
Who gave you the right?
.
You don't know.
You should live up to your given name.
What are you trying to say?
.
Why did you get involved with these people?
.
We have been mistreated!
Those bastards deserve it.
Lieutenant! 
Lieutenant!
-We've got a problem.
-What is it?
.
Emergency meeting about a hostage situation.
This way, please.
Hurry up, damn it!
Is it ready yet?
.
WOMANe In a minute.
Hurry up!
[ Grunts ]
Lieutenant.
Everything's taken care of.
[ Cell phone rings ]
Hello?
.
Yes. 
Just a moment.
Boss, your call.
Hello. 
Isamu speaking.
Mr. Murukawa, I'm Claire.
Claire?
.
I'm from Mr. Bob Goodman.
Yeah.
The Prime Minister's speech at the U.N.
has deterred our effort to proceed, even for international terrorism.
We are losing support from extremists, claiming the Malaysians block the Thais in the area.
Mr. Murukawa, the worst part is that highly classified information has been stolen from the Vice President's office.
The man in the picture in this envelope has some bearing on the matter.
He has many pseudonyms -- ...[ indistinctly ] Kasim al Ali, but his code name is Wajib.
In 1 996 to 1 997, he was trained in the [ indistinctly ]... camp in Afghanistan.
And now he is working as a killer cell for the Mujahidin Patani.
We need to find him before he becomes a bigger problem.
[ Cell phone rings ]
Yes. 
Yes, sir.
I'll do as you say, sir.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Forget the trip to the beach.
We got a job.
No detail yet.
Boss told me to get Mazaru immediately.
Why does it have to be today?
.
[ Speaks indistinctly ]
[ Engine turns over ]
I have an important job for you.
Get your men ready.
Major, Miss Claire is here.
Oh.
How do you do?
.
How are you doing?
.
It's about Zaifuddin.
Zaifuddin.
You don't have to worry about Zaifuddin.
We take good care of him.
Yes, we know.
But there's some serious matters.
He's in great danger.
Danger?
.
The terrorists have already known that he works for us.
So Miss Claire has gone?
.
She's gone.
Captain, get in touch with the National Intelligence Agency.
This man is called "Wajib."
We believe he is in Bangkok.
Give them this picture.
Major, what if they want more information?
.
Tell them to call me directly.
Yes, sir.
Ah.
Don't worry.
I have enough men to support you.
Thank you.
Call me Mazaru.
All right, Mazaru.
Kasim, or his code name Wajib, is staying somewhere in Bangkok right now...
[ Cell phone rings ] ...and...
Major.
We got the report about Kasim.
That's good news.
No. 
Keep the police away from him.
Let him be my job.
Where is the place?
.
Is that confirmed?
.
Absolutely. 
All right. 
Bye.
They found Wajib.
Tomorrow is the D-Day.
There will be no more Wajib on the face of the Earth.
I'm sorry.
Hello.
Hello.
What can I do for you?
.
Oh, we are here to see a friend of ours.
His name is Wajib.
Oh, Mr. Wajib?
.
[ Telephone rings ]
Hello?
.
Two foreign friends of yours are here to see you.
Who are they?
.
Tell them to wait there.
I'll come down.
Just a moment please.
Okay.
Oh, hey! 
Wait a minute!
Hey!
. 
Wait!
Shit! 
He's gone!
We got tricked.
They're aware of the leak.
We've got to do it now.
Don't miss it.
[ Speaking native language ]
Checkmate.
-There you go.
-Just what I thought.
You got me there.
[ Gunshot ]
Shit! 
He got shot!
Call for backup!
The suspect is in black.
The suspect is in black!
Nothing, sir.
[ Camera shutter clicking ]
Sergeant, stay here to help them.
Yes, sir.
It means they've got it.
I regret not being able to protect him.
In the world of spies, Major, anything can happen at any time.
WAJlBe Saif.
So...
You got it?
.
Call me when you need my service.
[ Mosquito buzzing ]
There's an army of mosquitoes in here.
Shouldn't we raise the windows up?
.
How could you guys stand it?
.
Aren't you getting bitten?
.
Mazaru?
.
[ Sighs ]
[ Mosquito buzzing ]
Gotcha!
Stop it already.
You're bugging me.
It's just like Okinawa, your hometown.
Mosquitoes everywhere.
Why are you complaining?
.
Annoying.
MAZARUe Look. 
Is that Wajib?
.
It's him indeed.
Wajib!
CLAlREe Hello, Hana.
Okay. 
Good.
Keep watching him.
Okay.
We're coming right now.
They found him -
- Kasim.
Cool.
The Black Tiger Unit is ready to support you, if that's your requirement.
Mazaru has his men, anyway.
Mazaru?
.
He's an agent, the killer.
[ Cell phone rings ]
Get yourselves ready.
[ Engine revs ]
[ Clatter ]
Who are you?
.
Why did you get into my apartment?
.
Where's Wajib?
.
Who?
.
I don't know him.
[ Panting ]
Wow, wow, wow!
I didn't expect to see you.
Hello, Gunja.
Who is she?
.
She's a killer.
Used to be in a Special-Operations Unit of C.I.A. called Vanquisher.
I have just never thought that she allies with international terrorism.
Bitch.
Hello, Kasim al Ali.
Don't be surprised why I know you.
I must applaud you for being able to get the intel to kill Zaifuddin.
Now...
Your luck has run out.
It's not that easy, you infidel.
You know what this is, don't you?
.
It's the remote control for the bombs you've planted.
You know what happens if I smash this up?
.
What are you saying?
.
Calm down, Major.
This is to create a situation.
After Bangkok is bombed, my group will be blamed.
The world will be lied to that this is connected to international terrorism, justifying the order to send troops into this region.
Just like what happened to Iraq and Afghanistan.
You, too!
You are just a pawn in her game!
Your story is intriguing, Kasim.
But it's all bullshit.
What you said was actually your plot.
Don't waste time trying to negotiate.
Your time is up.
[ Gun cocks, gunshot ]
Tear gas!
[ Coughing ]
Mazaru?
.
What have you been doing?
.
It's going badly in here.
Help us out.
Okay.
[ Coughing ]
[ Gunshots ]
[ Gunshot ]
[ Coughing ]
[ Gunja grunting ]
Let's get out of here.
I will, but you...
[ Gunshot ]
'Cause you got to know what you shouldn't know.
Sorry, Major.
[ Coughing ]
Let's go, Hana.
Shigenori and the major?
.
Don't worry.
They're certainly going to come out.
No! 
Shigenori!
Believe me, Hana.
This one is alive!
Call the captain!
Hey, move him over there.
[ Cell phone rings ]
Yes, sir.
Listen to me.
You blew it, didn't you, Mazaru?
.
Hana told me Shigenori is dead.
You can't fail again.
Do you understand?
.
I understand, Boss.
Take the major out.
-Don't let anyone see you.
-Yes, Ma'am.
CLAlREe Well done, Mazaru.
Just a pity that the bitch is still alive.
MAZARUe Yeah, bitch.
She's extremely dangerous.
Call me once you find her track.
Mazaru!
If you have a chance to kill her, don't hesitate.
Otherwise, you might become her kill.
Hana, come with me.
I'm going to Wajib's house.
I want to check something.
I checked that the computer is perfectly deleted.
[ Gunshots ]
SlRlNe Claire.
Oh, Sirin.
You're just in time.
Come on.
[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
[ Grunts ]
Stay right there!
I got it!
You go the other way.
Shit!
Claire!
You think you can just walk away?
.
The major is still alive, Claire.
Then I'm in trouble.
I thought you came here to help me.
So what?
.
Are you going to shoot me?
.
I don't shoot anybody from behind.
Then you'd better stay out of this.
If not, you can't say I didn't warn you.
Hey!
What are you all doing here?
.
BOYe Auntie, she's got a gun!
See you around.
[ Whimpering ]
[ Cell phone rings ]
Hello, Hana.
Where is it?
.
Okay. 
I got it.
I'll be right there.
[ Grunting ]
[ Grunting ]
Hello, Hana speaking.
I'm somewhere with Sirin.
Yes.
Okay, Claire.
I must tell Claire.
Claire just ordered you to kill me, didn't she?
.
Yaah!
Yaah!
[ Groaning ]
Go tell Claire, if you want me dead, come and get me.
[ Groaning ]
[ Both groaning ]
Aah!
Aah!
I've never known you.
You don't have to.
ISAMUe Mazaru!
[ Grunts ]
Why don't you fight?
.
This is your last fight.
Fight me with the spirit of a samurai!
Boss, get away!
[ Gunshot ]
[ Groans ]
Mazaru!
You killed the boss!
You must die!
[ Engine turns over ]
Make sure the major is safe at the hospital.
MAN:
Don't worry, Captain.
Our men are guarding him 'round the clock.
Get our men ready.
Wait for my order.
Yes, Ma'am.
[ Cell phone rings ]
You want to join me to take down that bitch?
.
-Hi.
-Hey, come on. 
Check it out.
What's this?
.
It's my weapon.
[ Engine turns over ]
Black Tiger Unit.
The target is on the move.
I'm on them.
Black Tigers?
.
They're our friends, aren't they?
.
They used to be, but no more.
You're a tough one, huh, Sirin?
.
Kill them.
[ Gunfire ]
[ Bones crunch ]
[ Panting ]
You think you can kill me that easily?
.
I think you're injured, Lieutenant.
How do you know me?
.
I just know.
Why did you follow me here?
.
I followed Claire, not you, Lieutenant.
GUNJAe What's the hurry?
.
I thought I'd never get a chance.
Gunja, let me tell you something.
You will not last to see tomorrow's sunrise.
And it's not my fault.
You walk into your own death.
Hell seems to not welcome me.
When you betrayed us two years ago,
I made it out alive.
You should know that, Claire.
But this time, hell can't deny my request.
I must say sorry to you in advance, Gunja.
[ Groaning ]
MAZARUe Claire.
What are you doing?
.
Step back, Mazaru.
You've only got 1 0 minutes to move your ass away from here.
This fucking place is gonna be blown.
You must be crazy, Claire.
Don't do it, all right?
.
Think of the people and your relatives.
Shall I care?
.
It's my work.
And you are fired from this mission.
Keep your nose out of my business.
Go away, Mazaru!
[ Beeps ]
Give it to me, Mazaru.
No way.
Don't force me.
You have no chance to die another day.
Better change your mind, Claire.
Aah!
[ Gate rattles ]
Yaah!
[ Groaning ]
Yaah!
[ Gunfire ]
[ Gunfire ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Beeping ]
You have to count down.
You've got 1 0 minutes.
Go!
Go!
Go away now!
CLAlREe You guys are too late.
[ Groaning ]
Leave it.
Go away.
Before it's going to work.
Now! 
Now.
[ Groaning, coughs ]
Don't even try.
I'm just going to say hello to you in hell.
[ Groaning ]
WOMANe I'm standing at the scene of a huge explosion that happened earlier.
Officials from several units are collaborating to clear the scene.
The fire is now under control.
It cannot be determined yet whether this is connected to terrorism.
But a number of suspects that survived the blast, believed to be the perpetrators, have been rounded up.
Do I have to get a shot?
.
Is it necessary?
.
You need to get one, Ma'am.
From the look of your wound, it's starting to get infected.
Antibiotic shot?
.
Yes, Ma'am.
But you need another shot.
What is it for?
.
Tetanus shot.
How's your wound?
.
Getting infected.
But I'll survive.
I heard you need some shots.
Two of them.
Thank you, Captain.
For?
.
If not for you, things might not turn out this way.
Just a coincidence.
But Claire was not an ordinary woman, that's for sure.
Okay, get well soon, Lieutenant.
There's another thing.
Sorry about hitting you.
Don't be, 'cause I'm sure I'll get you back soon.
Okay, I owe you then.
Another thing.
How did you know I'm a police officer?
.
I'm sorry, but you need to lie down so I can give you an iv.
I'm waiting for the answer.
Let's just say I've known it a long time ago.
Get well soon.

This is Marcel the Russian intelligence agency personnel,we need to help why should we do this?
easy they had no legal status in Thailand
this is a quick way to
What is it?
this is the latest of his actions good if the outside security
I want my assets transferred to Thailand and Malaysia between you have a very important task called Marcel to complete the transaction yes,Clare you know that you must finish the job after the mission the project will be subject to change
this is your resume?
you write something like that are true?
we will investigate if there are problems will be returned to the
I hope you know
I was already ready
what is that?
this important?
do you think?
does not matter I do not ask then how do you want ah?
OK
I shall allow you a depends on the performance of your own we will look at
hope it will not let us down this is an important task in fact,such a reason
must finish the job can not go wrong you want to Well
I will complete the well,usually you have to train
yes,I will certainly do so you stop here
the task entrusted to you
hello,welcome you to come
What's your name?
he called the palace was the police
but also you have the flats are our goal the other side of the island here,to leave the place where we landed 50 years
we are in the other side of the landing
take a look at the river in fact,is not a river as too short but the can lead to this place and it is our first maps you can see the same we have to find other areas and then here,etc.
Our task must be completed within 10 minutes no matter what you have must be completed ahead of schedule
OK we carefully do not hurt if you can not come back, we will leave you
we'd better to confirm a we must remember that these people this is Marcel the Russians
45-year-old it is important that we use the method
we must be careful do not underestimate him remember,we have to capture him are well aware of it? 
You only 10 minutes to complete the task
to see
do not move put down the gun
Dad
brisk walking
today there were two big explosion attracted a lot of people were killed
at present the police are investigating the will soon have the results of we will provide timely reports on all
Hello major you receive my letter,right?
yes very good you give me find them
I will try to
I wish you good luck Thank you
you come,you ready?
of course,otherwise how do I come?
but fortunately this time we succeeded in to see if they are good ah
- to decide - yes you are expert tell me why you did not do of course,useful you almost die,remember?
yes,yes but can only do things in one place
I said that the if we want to use a technology,we need to ensure hundred percent accuracy of the signal
as we planned before the explosive powder we must ensure that the dry weather we must ensure that completed before the dawn
do you understand? 
Because that place is dry
is
I need to go back yes,I am going to Kenya go to a month,working and then I will go back to my office in Bangkok
I can assure you
I will help you,I will try to
must
Good evening,
Good evening Good evening,
Good evening,
Good evening,
Good evening Good evening,
Good evening,
ready for action everything is carefully
what plans?
there is nothing the how to do on how to do but also how it kind of
I told you not to do you do not believe now happened you'll have to see the this how to solve the
I can not help you, CIA involved in the
I know what you mean do not worry,I can Gaoding but the CIA is very keen it is difficult to deal with we have to spend energy on but we can Gaoding a month later there is progress?
you know squat 17 years in prison, what it feels like do?
this is the United States,not France they who are looking for me
George? 
George W. Bush do?
that's right George? 
Bush may be able to find you you know you can do do not worry about those people what to do
I knew all are you kidding me?
you know this is a very secret thing is derived from the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister,do not forget
I am just looking for a person you're crazy
download good,Gao Ding
Claire,I would like hello nicely with top secret from the Deputy Prime Minister's office was stolen this is the information about our friends this is a very tough role in why do you want to find him?
we have done,but we need to do more in preparation for the Aircraft
Where is he?
Bangkok no,Bowman no
I do not give you recommendations
I give you the command
Dad,our resources are limited this you can not do the same thing and now we are concerned about is the terrorist activities terrorism,God,terrorism,
who fucking knows how to do it in the end to we must clearly course,we clearly do you think we are eating rice,ah
I need to find Natiao clues, to protect him if he got into trouble you have to replace his place
Bangkok
I am sorry to keep you waiting things I have brought
I finally found you
11091,190,201
is that he
hurry up run damn you will die
as far as far as I know the state of criminal suspects in the process of escape were arrested in
how do you know do you think I did not know anything from where in the end you know?
you do come to their senses?
my little tube things you
I will deal with
Bangkok
Executive hello you had better come
What happened?
there are emergency situations, quick to see me
how kind you want?
to see your own let me
shot
- Executive Good 
- Hello
feeding yes please wait for the next the boss,your phone
hello,I'm Cenraud hello,I'm Claire
Claire?
I was the person Mr. Barber knowing the the Prime Minister at the meeting act to make a great effort against international terrorism we will lose some things
Malaysia would like to do
Walaikama the problem now is that
Deputy Prime Minister's office has the highest confidential documents
the envelope inside the photograph of the person a relationship with this matter
he has a lot of names but his real name is Jeff Wu
19961997 he organized terrorist activities in Afghanistan
and now he is a professional killer
in his stir up big trouble, we have to find him
knowing the be sure to complete the task
- to give you 
- Thank you, there are new tasks of the but this task quite heavy We must be careful
do not worry about
I am glad to see you
I hope you can understand
you about the person to the
- Hello 
- Hello the situation is very urgent how can emergency law?
you do not worry about him we are able to subdue him we know that but there are some serious problems he had trouble trouble?
her murder,and now run
- Sergeant,I have come - came there are things to look at you and
you now see is we are now most wanted men you look at the wait a minute, I would like to ask why I this is not you should ask so ah
you are looking for this person
I have a way to find him you'd better be able to find
I tried to
OK then you go look up where he lived
there are that we have here are clues to the taxi drivers
non - do not disturb him wait for us to wait a minute
this is our thing not just your business
now found him you go there,and then killed him
we have nothing to be afraid of the
you O.K.
- Hello 
- Hello you do want to rent?
it is not,we want to come to people he a man a man,I see
- Hello 
- This is a personal named to see you who?
well,I know he immediately came
you can not go in
he ran
nothing
- you be careful 
- I will this is your
start
I won
you do,stopped
the suspect is dead
there is no
go look up firearms a good
in the end of it where
how do I feel not so good because you do not have a good rest
I have to get that thing
feeding
succeeded it?
and cargo in this
together happily
this is what the car ah good bored ah why do we need to do such a thing ah
you should not be too boring is good you give me be properly looked Do not let him run
what is that?
- is not that?
- What he
Yo
Hello,I am good,very good followed by his a good we come at once they found him very good let's take a look at the U.S. Kung Fu martial arts of Japan
what can you do?
methods?
she was police
you keep up with him?
you are who? 
This is for what?
not why do not think I'm afraid you
I am glad to see you
You Well how?
she was hurt previously worked at the CIA
is a very can play in
I just want to know something after you left bitch
You Well we have not seen each other for a long time
you will not want to talk to us
or you simply do not want to
I will not let you succeed
you want something on the inside do you think you can get one?
I just do not give you death you too much nonsense look at my no one is not
I die,then I would have ruined it
Do not challenge my bottom line
I will not yield to
Do not good to be true of the
Do not force me to
I'd like to see what you can do you do ah how? 
Not?
you do not I help you,ah you dare not then let me help you,
bomb
You Come we have been against ask you to come in quickly a good
let's go
I will, but you
tell me what you know all things
how could this be?
my brother do?
do not worry he'll come in not...
Yo we must go
ready?
ready to
- really?
- Yes,no problem
feeding is me,how something like it?
is not out of any accident to take care of yourself she is a cunning man
I should... a thorough search, do not miss a corner of the is
this is live coverage of there has recently been a riot you all right?
she ran away we go back and look up information on her
Mosa Road you have to be careful be careful that she would come back to find you have trouble good,we go
I have to go back to waiting for her to come to me
I need something
I have seen pictures of her previous work time
feeding your ah,I have to go out and immediately back we have to go
do not come
I can,and you watched
mother of
you should be aware of those who have just bar
Do not you want to explain to explain why?
you will not know
I am now,and they are not the same as the how can it?
you would say to my hands?
you'd better to give himself up
I will,so I do all the things of maybe I will consider your suggestion
Hey,what are you then do?
Mom,they are not good
Goodbye
Hey,are you?
where are you?
well,I know
I'll come
Hello,I am
I know you in this
is a good
they ran away
do not you do not want to told me that the truth?
this is your final result If you are not the words of surrender
how do you no helping hand
I'm in this wait
do you still play?
you go you go nuts?
Let her go
you the traitor
I will kill you
how do you think we should do?
I have not thought of good,and so I think good I will tell you
good housekeeping at home, waiting for me to come back
I know,you take care of yourself
you must be a specified time Gaoding
I'll be in the past
What is it?
my invention
help me check where do they go?
wait for the next resort to give me
the girl would like to do what?
she used to be but now is not you come to die get rid of her
listen to me,I am not the murderer you hurt this tube you have something
I can help you why should I believe you and go against the conquest is not a good end
so Jizou do?
I grasp you go back and prove my innocence that depends on the ability of the just do not know you do not have this ability we are the same as
I know you,you know I but not the same as you and I
I like you so ruthless can start with on their own people
I Xiabu Qu hand you told me to go back which is 10 million
you let me go,this is yours
Where are you what are you doing?
close your mouth you have no power to control where I go it,you fucking asshole
you have to think clearly do not do it it is not people go shut up this is my job you just come with me
you have to try to cope with the I
Geiwo Gun Open
give me no do not force me to do you even think about anything today,get This is my
you must stop it you have only 10 minutes walking
- brisk walking - you repent too late
do not move walk away which has already begun
quick,brisk walking
do not hate me not tell you sorry
the basement explosion,fire played a on-site at least 30 casualties there are no confirmed acts is not a terrorist organization only know that the police hunt for suspects in the time shootout happened
at present the police have not yet officially announced but can confirm is that a suspect had been lying down this is reporter at the scene reported
What is it?
is prepared for me to do?
do not blame me that you that knife is very dangerous, you should pay attention to
Thank you for your interest nothing,which I should be done
I do?
a good rest
it hurt?
thank you But I can not repay you where you learn martial arts?
is a family with me to learn
- thank you 
- What?
without you,I still wanted we can not say This is mainly the responsibility of our police
good,you have a good rest bar and so on if I was convicted, you still came for me?
it also depends on the situation if,as in this case,I will come well,your kung fu is not bad oh the next time a good time next time I will not be lenient in you have to an intravenous drip of
remember that our convention you say that our teacher was not the same person?
help me check where do they go?
wait for the next resort to give me
the girl would like to do what?
she used to be but now is not you come to die get rid of her
listen to me,I am not the murderer you hurt this tube you have something
I can help you why should I believe you and go against the conquest is not a good end
so Jizou do?
I grasp you go back and prove my innocence that depends on the ability of the just do not know you do not have this ability we are the same as
I know you,you know I but not the same as you and I
I like you so ruthless can start with on their own people
I Xiabu Qu hand you told me to go back which is 10 million
you let me go,this is yours
Where are you what are you doing?
close your mouth you have no power to control where I go it,you fucking asshole
you have to think clearly do not do it it is not people go shut up this is my job you just come with me
you have to try to cope with the I
Geiwo Gun Open
give me no do not force me to do you even think about anything today,get This is my
you must stop it you have only 10 minutes walking
- brisk walking - you repent too late
do not move walk away which has already begun
quick,brisk walking
do not hate me not tell you sorry
the basement explosion,fire played a on-site at least 30 casualties there are no confirmed acts is not a terrorist organization only know that the police hunt for suspects in the time shootout happened
at present the police have not yet officially announced but can confirm is that a suspect had been lying down this is reporter at the scene reported
What is it?
is prepared for me to do?
do not blame me that you that knife is very dangerous, you should pay attention to
Thank you for your interest nothing,which I should be done
I do?
a good rest
it hurt?
thank you But I can not repay you where you learn martial arts?
is a family with me to learn
- thank you 
- What?
without you,I still wanted we can not say This is mainly the responsibility of our police

Silasoncetoldmewarpushes peopleinandout yourlife .
Butyoubetteroff  guessingonthewind thantryin'to figureit. 
Truerwordswasneverspoke.
Theheropartislater, afterthelabelingpart.
Inthemoment, itjustbe somecowering andsomethatchoose tothrowtheirlivesaway .
Later,maybesomeofthose thatthrewtheirlivesaway , theybetheheroes.
Morethanhalf amillionmenwas killed bysnipers,smallbattles andskirmishes ofjustafew dozenmen madeupabouthalf ofallthekilling.
I curse the ground of this northern soil, and given the chance, I will not touch this land again.
Anything can happen here.
We are abandoned by hope.
Therebe'smisery, andtherebe 'smisery that changes your life forever, andputsyouona newpath. 
Thatparticularmisery wascreepingin thewoods thatnight andit'swhatbrung thembrothers, andallwhattheydone  heretonightshade.
Canyoulookatme?
You're awake. 
Are you all right?
Can you look at me?
Son, son, look at me.
Look at me, come here.
Here.
Can you look at me?
Can you sit up?
Come on, you can do it.
Sit up on me. 
Come on.
There you go.
You and your brother have been unconscious for five days.
Frankly, I'm surprised you even survived.
You have a very serious infection.
I have seen this, a half a dozen times during the war.
It's overwhelming your body's defenses.
Soon, even daylight will make skin feel like hot coals are on it.
There's no medicine to help you.
But... there is one thing.
They're only rumors that I've heard, but they're very persistent.
When you make an offering to him, by no means make it modest, but I think he's... he's the only one who can help you.
You have to go to Lazarus notch and see the potion man.
Now lay back down, easy, easy.
That's good.
Cannibals.
Wordtoldit startedinthe prisoncampsduringthe war .
Sometookto it to survive, somedidn't.
Butitgavethem strength,power,spreadpast thewallsof thecamps.
Now some was sheriff, deputies, homeguard,drifters...
We're the home guard, fellas.
We need to see all of your release papers, right now.
...whateverthey wantedtobe called, theywasalljusteaters.
Whoa.
This is not our fight.
Likeopiumsmokers, theycouldn'tstop.
Theywasaddicted tohumanflesh.
All right, then. 
I think...
I think that should just about do it then.
Poison.
What?
Poison... it's all that spills from your lips, Stokes.
- Poison and lies.
- Shut up, Lester.
Things ain't perfect for no one.
But the war is over, and if we're going to keep things together here at eye tooth hollow, it's best we abide an understanding with Royce and his nightwalkers.
I don't got much use for them.
Now, let's be clear.
We're all in a world of trouble if those negroes up and clear off.
This truce is critical for us to have an abundant survival.
And this truce is...
Is designed for one thing, and one thing only, and that is to keep our labor in place, so as we all can be fed.
Are we done?
Well, mister, hurry-up, why don't you just repeat, back to me, the rules, so as we can be certain there are no misunderstandings.
Royce and his ghouls go first.
Me and mine are left to their cast offs and their leaving's.
And?
The only ones who what get took, are the troublemakers, and lawbreakers or, generally, any uppity niggrahs, or anybody what dares fall on the mighty emperor's bad side.
This truce between you, your men and Royce and his people, is the law.
And more important than that you are accountable.
Well, I thought we might need them for cover.
You were right.
I'm sorry I was right.
Hilde, I want you to have...
Try... try not to talk, Jim, save... save your strength.
Howcouldtheyknow the horror, and river of blood, thatwouldbe  releasedbythatdeed?
Stick with the plan, little brother.
We've already put them through enough.
Seems like red hat and his men are headed in the same direction as we need to be going.
We'll catch up.
Thereasonwe gotyou  allouthereinthis breeze, is' causey 'allisrespected, andcantalktotherest. 
Mr. Lincoln says you are all free to leave, go where you will.
But he don't know that we all depend on each other and understand each other in this hollow.
You can all shove on, but when the cotton's grown and ready for pickin', what will you have?
Same thing we all have right now... nothing!
When you're out there on the road...
What harming' bandits are waitin' out there to prey on you.
You... you've got to stay here.
See... see through the season.
Sheriff has heard of reports that speak of cannibalism.
Blood drained corpses of unfortunate and innocent travelers.
We need each other despite whatever yankee laws are saying.... ...about freedom.
Therewewas, andtheretheywas , tryin'totellus tokeepslavingfor 'em  likeitwas brisketandbiscuits.
Andtheydidn'teven cracka smile.
What about us cropping' cheap, like peanut and hemp?
- We make bigger coin wit' that.
- Eye tooth is cotton.
Well, ain't y'all tired a picking cotton for Jimmy crack corn yet?
- What did he say?
- 
- I'm telling y'all.
We get a lil' piece a land, a lil' piece,
- we all throw in together.
- I don't believe this.
- It's good dirt around here.
- This boy, he just doesn't understand.
We get one good bumper, that all we need.
We can build from there.
Is you moonshine crazy!
All flavor of spookies runnin' round here, you tryin' to join the Chuck wagon?
Take your ass home 'fore they chop you up.
I want you to take care of that boy.
Just do it quietly.
Home guard, huh?
Ain't y'all heard, the war's over.
You scream pretty, real pretty.
Praytogod ifthebrotherscameforyou.
Butgod,don'tlisten tonononsense.
Two whiskeys.
We're holding the paper for a nightshade farm, mister, here in eye tooth.
Do you know who we can talk to about selling it?
Well, now, boys, you can't sell that 'cause I own it.
Well...
That doesn't bother me.
You see we have plenty of your type around here.
And that paper's no good.
No one will buy it from you, 'cause you don't own it.
Our paper says different.
And we done quit bosses for good, mister.
- Much obliged.
'Neighbor.
If you're interested in some whore cabins, just east of here, they're clean and they're white.
But ifin' you boys is hungry, there's some nigga whores down in the holler, and you can do what you want with them.
You see we have ourselves a truce here in eye tooth.
Nightwalkers like you will not touch any eater, and the eaters won't touch you.
You know, I hope them pantied ladies at least as friendly as the welcoming committee outside of town.
Well, come on then.
You ghouls ain't gonna be the first ones to cross my path.
Hey, why you lettin' your horses go?
Somebody's been flooding' this land.
These fields...
Covered with creek silt.
This could be good land but Stokes keep flooding' it to help irrigate his own land.
Right 'Cher yonder.
What we going to do, hilde?
We don't have nearly enough for the potion man, we can't sell this, and we don't have enough for planting or labor.
Look, the way I see it, i could bandit for the money.
- No...
- That feller in town, Stokes, thinks he owns our land.
Well, I could kill him, take what he got.
You know that'll 'cause more problems for us then it'll solve.
Look, we wouldn't have nearly enough time to sell the farm before we run.
Then we'd just be on the run with no money, instead of just having no money.
Yeah, well, either way, he ain't getting nightshade.
This here farm is our only chance.
Come on, now, you got another solution?
Oh... oh...
Looks like maybe the solution to our problems been living rough right here.
We're the charmington's.
My name is Beau, this here is my brother, hilde, and this property is ours.
I told you they didn't look nothin' like Stokes' men.
Stokes is done lording' over what ain't his.
Hush up!
If Stokes ain't dead, he ain't done lording'.
Well, we got paper that say different and so do the law.
We ain't got nowhere else to go 'cause them free-work niggrahs...
Made it where an honest man can't work.
We been tryin' to hold up waitin' for Jim everette to make it back, so we can work with him, help him get nightshade up and cropping' again.
What's your name squatter?
My name's Ferris, Ferris hoagland.
And these here is my people, even if it ain't by name.
Well Ferris, Jim everette is dead.
Nightshade is ours now.
Now, y'all can run off if you want to, but come first rain, we fixing' to start croppin' and make a go of it here at nightshade.
Now, we gonna need all the money from the crop, but if you work the land with us, we'll deed this farm over to whoever done helped us.
Are you sayin' we work this season for free, then y'all gonna give us the land?
That's right.
- We 'spose to believe that?
- We ain't cropping' with no niggrahs!
I ain't your boss, squatter, but you don't like who I hire, you can take your chances out on the roads or the woods or in town.
Or y'all can stay and work.
We only planning' on staying this one season, then we going home to our people.
You work or leave.
What y'all fixing' to crop?
Hemp, peanut, tobacco.
Whatever we can afford the most of.
Charmington's huh?
Well, y'all definitely ain't from around here.
I need to order some supplies, Mr. Jenkins.
I got cash money.
The charmington brothers want to buy some hemp seed.
Much obliged, sir.
Sir, you still wantin' me to take Stokes' order out to his place?
You's the most ignorant fool
I've been displeasured to ever know.
I can't take your money, Silas.
You better take that money and ride on.
Exactly what you think gone come of you foolin' around with them nightwalker?
Everybody want a piece of you right now:
Stokes, them plantation boys, Lester hunt and the rest of them eaters.
If you want to live, boy, you best to move on.
I can't leave, Silas.
And I got me some land to crop.
Land to... what?
Boy, you been drinkin' corn liquor from them jugs.
- Move on, griff.
- It's for true, Silas.
Now, them brothers, they ain't got no money to pay, but they going to keep the crop money and pay whoever crop with them, with the land.
And you fool enough to believe them spookies?
I need you to listen to me on this here, Silas.
Now, you ain't seen them when they said it.
Now, these spookies here is... they's different.
They's different than everybody.
They's different, Silas, and they paying with the land.
Now, this here be's our chance here, Silas.
Now, we gonna have to share the farm with those squatters and whoever crop with us, but it's gonna be ours.
Our land, Silas.
You hearing' me, old man?
Our land.
What's on the list of supply?
How you figure to get that there, with Jenkins how he is?
No, we, we can't get the seed from Jenkins, gotta go to bachelorville, or lake Weir for that.
About two weeks 'til first rain.
But they should wait, so Stokes don't get no word of it.
But I could get everything else on here.
And some of our people to work.
We gone have us some land.
Yeah, boy...
We gone have us some land...
You got some nerve drawing down on me, niggrah.
I was gonna field dress you quick, with my ax.
But, now...
You let me pass, or I aim to kill the first one of you Jimmy's that's bold enough to stop me.
Would you look at this.
I want to thank you all for coming to my humble planters party.
We have plenty to rebuild something better.
And, free or not, we don't have to worry about our slaves leaving' us.
Because they are deadly afraid of Royce and Lester's men...
Goddammit, Lester!
Now, go ahead and play, play something nice.
I said play, you malingering bastard.
Now, folks, there's no need for you to get upset about this, we're all used to
Lester and his boys with a wild streak.
We have, on the veranda, some spiced custard and mint julep.
Please, go this way, and I'll be rejoining y'all, momentarily.
Beautiful dress.
I told you, did you not hear me, that I would not abide you disrupting these festivities?
- Now...
- This goddamn ghoul
- was moving funny...
- ...
Take your boys and go.
Now!
This ain't right.
This ain't no kinda balance a power like you talked about.
Them ghouls is practically running the show.
We ain't on even ground here with this thing.
I have four fresh coloreds waitin' out by the barn for you boys.
You can have your pick of three of them.
Mm-hm. 
We just getting Royce's hand me downs.
They ain't nearly as fresh as you say.
Hardly got no strength left in 'em.
They's fresh enough.
Now, the barn, Lester.
Come on, boys.
Please... please accept my deepest apologies.
But you can't completely blame Lester, now, can you?
Those charmington boys, they launched an unprovoked attack on Lester and his men yesterday.
Now, they may not be local, but they must abide by the rules.
I expect those boys to be punished appropriately.
You just gotta get a feel for it, the weight, the balance.
You don't think about it, know the blade will hit.
Outta help the next time you run out of bullets.
All right, then.
That's the spot.
In the hollow of the neck.
Use two hands, you do not stop pressing.
Your blade should be looking for daylight on the other side.
You're pretty good with that.
Yeah, well, I had to work at it.
You're a natural.
Go on back now, I'll catch up.
Yes, sir.
Yeah... 
I had to work at it.
It's pretty much all I'm good for, is killing men...
And trees
farther from home with each and every one.
Your dresses have been particularly beautiful lately.
Do you have a gentleman in mind?
I noticed the men gathered outside the stables, daddy.
Odd sort for honest man's work.
I hire them sometimes.
Some on, some off.
Just depends on our needs is all.
There are quite a number of them.
These new men wouldn't have anything to do with the people
- planting down on nightshade, do they?
- Now, Philly...
I just don't see the point of pushing everyone off Jim everette's place.
The hard facts are that we need to hold on to everything that we've got.
And that includes nightshade and the flood grounds.
You realize, we are surrounded by thousands and thousands of freed slaves?
We're out-numbered nine-to-one.
Now, what happens if they get the notion for revenge?
They're going to go after what families first?
- But, daddy, what if...
- Sweetie, there are no what ifs.
Daddy, your freed slaves don't want any revenge.
They just want to try to find their families and start some new kind of life, and these men you've hired are not farm hands.
This is not the time for this discussion, 'cause it's upsetting my digestion.
The war is finally over and if we can just...
No!
No.
Now...
Sweetie, Jenkins promises me that he'll have Silas run those dresses right up here as soon as they arrive.
I think I'm ready for that chicken now.
Thank you.
Thank you, Henry.
You are my very heart, Philly.
My very heart, we must remain together on all of this.
Now, listen...
Listen, they'll be no more of those late night walks.
I want you to stay close to daddy, now.
And no more of those little clandestine charity meetings.
Please, put the silverware back.
We'll soon be without any eating utensils.
If I cannot alter my fate, as you say, daddy, then what do utensils matter?
Or anything else I may choose to do with my time?
Henry, please tell Marie that the chicken is particularly excellent tonight.
You look like you're still ready for the war.
For the squatters.
My canning skills ain't the best in eye tooth, but last season's berries were the best in years.
My name is Stokes.
Philomena Stokes.
Of course... my name is beauregard charmington.
My brother hilde and I, we own nightshade.
You're a beautiful man, aren't you?
Do you have a nickname your brother or family uses for you?
Beau...
Beau.
Well, Beau... 
Beau,
I'm going to figure one out for myself.
Welcome to eye tooth hollow, Mr. charmington.
Welcome to my home.
You're welcome, Michael!
You and miss philomena gonna get married now?
Hilde...
Hilde.
Hilde!
You know what, brother, you are not the god of sky and light and steel and battle.
Things was right lively out there that day.
And they took their chances, same as us.
I owe, hilde.
Jim everette, at camp, tried to help me, wound up dead.
- Shit, you tried to help me, you end up bit.
Poisoned, with the blood fever, just like me.
Now, I owe, hilde.
I owe and too many people been payin' my bill.
You're leaving out the part where you done saved me.
May we come in?
Come on.
So...
Where are we going with this?
We're not going anywhere.
Stokes believes that he can control everything.
Which is really, not unlike a muskrat, lost and drowning in a mighty river, while anointing himself the river king.
The two of you are all that matters.
I mean, the blood feud with the eaters is nothing.
They're so focused on the short term gains of their digestive mistakes, they're blind.
Most of them can hardly even speak anymore, and that only portends much greater and irreversible changes if they don't alter their diet.
We don't care nothing about them.
As well you shouldn't, in the end, they're hardly a threat.
- Just don't let them mass up on you.
- You have a point?
Stokes wants me to kill you both.
But I think that's a bad idea.
And it would be a violation of the truce.
Not his, mind you, mine.
I think you're far too valuable to be treated as livestock.
Get out.
Just hear me out.
The two of you are now... gods.
But you still think you're mortal.
I mean, you've been handed Olympus, and you want to toil the fields as farm hands?
But around you, all the land, and all the people, all of this is ours.
We want you to join us.
You heard my brother.
Now, did you see that, gentlemen?
I told you they had it in them.
I'm gonna allow your little commedia Dell'arte to play out.
And in the fullness of time, there will be clarity.
Jasper, I found out your mother was sold to the Robinson family in cutlerville, Virginia.
Bessie, i haven't been able to find anything out about Herman just yet, but I'm going to keep trying.
Little Sarah I'm sorry...
Your daddy died three years ago, as a runaway.
He was trying to get back here.
Trying to get back to you.
Jasper...
This is for you.
This is from my hope chest.
I want you to use it to get back to your mother.
Go on, now, go on.
Shh...
You know, he's right.
Y'all done for, boys.
No... no, wait. 
Wait.
Wait... it's not...
It's not what it looks like.
I'm sorry!
Come on now, Beau, let's get these bodies.
Doyouwanttofeel  thesunon yourskinagain, mychild?
Now, make sure you get the squatters and the new families working up on the east fields by tomorrow morning.
Then, tomorrow night, me and Beau, will finish up what they didn't get to.
Yes, sir.
That be 'bout the last field.
We'll be ready for first rains.
You know, I'm grateful for what y'all doing here.
Hell, I'm grateful for every lil' thing.
The war done took most everything.
That's what war do, mostly.
But right here on the tail end of that, there be's somethin'.
I never much cared nothing' much about... family and farming.
And we was never rich enough to own nobody.
And, now, I'm grateful for that mercy.
You see, everything they told us we was fightin' for we thought we was fightin' for, that was a lie.
Yeah, the men who started this war, well theyjustas easilykill awhitesoldier, astheydo ablackslave.
Ora lameploughhorse.
Yeah, we was nothin' to them.
Yousee, thewarfunnylikethat .
How it be teachin' and takin' all at once.
I done learnt a few things by it.
Like what I'm 'spose to do with this?
What I'm 'spose to do with freedom?
That keep me up most nights.
Since I come here to nightshade, well, I sleep just fine.
And so do the rest.
You should know that.
Now, if you find things happen... or things change, your plans change, well, you should know how these people have taken a shine to you.
Well, you all will always be welcome here.
You know, if something changes.
Well... goodnight, gentlemen.
Goodnight griff.
That mug made griff a regular chatterbox.
Vino veritas.
What?
Now, y'all in violation of the law.
Nightshade farm and these woods is mine.
I laid claim to it openly and notoriously.
If you persist with this insurrection it will end up in the fires of hell.
Now, who shot at my pig?
Who was shooting at my pig?
Why you chasing my pig?
We only feeding' our families.
Thems wild hogs don't belong to nobody.
Hallelujah!
I have found the reason for our mutual misery and discontent.
You see, there's simple misunderstanding.
I own all the pigs, and the possums, and the rabbits, and the water, and every blade of grass.
As a matter of fact, you're breathing my air, without my permission.
Collect their weapons.
Nightshade has been the flood plane of my ancestral home for years, and what you're doing is upsetting the Jewel of eye tooth, with your unsightly rabble.
And this will be your last and only warning.
Our deed is legal and proper.
Leave now, or we'll kill you.
I don't think so.
Why don't y'all come out and model those bush robes i heard about?
So you think you going shoot us all from your little hidey holes in the trees?
It looks like our bunny rabbits have grown teeth now.
All right, then.
All right.
But I will be back!
We will be back.
Clear!
The very definition of, "you shall show to them no mercy."
- Hilde...
- Double the patrols.
This is all we got.
Maybe our chance is one in a thousand, hell, maybe a million.
What if the doc was wrong 'bout the potion, man, huh?
What if they're ain't no cure for what we got?
No, we... this our one chance.
Our one chance to go back...
To what we was.
We're going to make it back.
We could just kill Stokes, take he got.
There'd be plenty for the potion man then.
Right, of course not.
Your delicate constitution won't permit us banditry.
And nor yours, prior to fighting confederate.
That's your problem, little brother, you think the war's over.
What are you doing here?
Are you afraid of me?
I've seen many nightwalkers in my life.
That's not what I asked you.
I am.
You seem to be a very violent man, Beau charmington.
And, yet, you do not try and escape.
Perhaps you see something else.
Perhaps you see who I really am.
Shit! 
What in tarnation you do that for!
Ihope...
Thatthempantiedladies are at least as friendly as the welcoming committee outside of town.
These our men went done gone missing.
Go get everyone.
Right now!
You goddamned ghouls gonna pay for this.
First rain's a coming and it's been two weeks since those boys stole my property.
And they're still on it.
They're still on it.
And you have done absolutely nothing to get them off.
Absolutely nothing.
- Well, I tried to bring them into the fold...
- Into the fold!
...but they're not exactly ready yet.
Into the fold!
Into the goddamned fold!
Have another drink, filbert.
It is what you do best lately.
The misery of your inaction...
Makes a man want to imbibe.
Royce...
Royce, I'm giving you 'til sun up tomorrow to remove those boys from my property.
And that's your last chance.
If you haven't done it by then, i know someone be more than happy to push them off.
This is wrong, Lester.
Stokes is wrong.
Go on and tell it to the trees ghoul,
I don't take orders from you.
Stokes has got you out here, attacking nightshade and you mean to tell me it's never even occurred to you that this is senseless, not to mention dangerous.
How many men of yours are you willing to sacrifice out here tonight on the altar of Stokes' whim?
If Stokes says it gets done, its gonna get done.
Stokes can't last like this, Lester, and you know it.
You can be the new Stokes.
Let's move.
Obviously, I've lowered myself to the height of a fool.
Nothing good can come of it, brother.
Good already has.
The day suits?
No time.
Get up! 
Get up!
Get up, you big son of a bitch!
They sun poisoned.
We gotta get 'em to the sleeping boxes.
- Come on.
- Come on, Beau.
Come on, we got you.
What the hell is wrong with you boys, huh?
!
I mean, you just...
You...
All you're going to do is get yourselves killed!
Ain't nobody ever been good to our family like you, Mr. hilde.
Sorry I didn't stop that man.
I was going to...
Or die tryin'.
Sorry he weren't quicker with the rifle, Mr. hilde.
I got you, come on.
Come on, Mr. hilde.
Come on, Beau.
Niggers and squatters...
On the grave of my granddaddy you will rue this day.
Death is too good for you.
I'll give you the money in these pockets, if you kill that worthless ghoul.
Go back to your daughter, Mr. Stokes.
Say her name one more time.
Come on.
Philomena.
- Just say it one more time.
- My, my.
You are drunk, filbert.
But I encourage you to continue upon your course of action.
Some actions do have consequences, however.
I... never want you to say the name of my flower... ever.
Ever.
Listen, those boys, they're gonna start planting come first rain.
But I want you to forget about that, you cowards, you groveling sniggering dogs...
...And just remember the fact, that those night walking freaks have hired our slaves and are paying them with land.
- Land?
- They're paying them with land.
- With land.
- 
- No.
And what other kind of acts, grotesque acts of...
And disgusting, vile...
Why they... they're living together with white people, how many of those white people are white women.
- Women?
- Niggers and white women!
Come on, now, this is our town.
We need to enforce whatever laws are necessary or becomes necessary to uphold and support our rights and traditions.
And them nightshade brothers' ain't eating' those niggrahs from down in the bottom, like we gots to.
No, no, them two brothers is eatin' us.
Me and my men.
They're huntin' us down like pigs on truffles.
Picking us off one at a time!
Now, that is a violation of the truce that we're 'spose to have with the ghouls!
You wait a minute, Lester...
And that niggrah, griff, helping them to hunt us down!
You're right, Lester.
You're right, and I agree.
Now, it's up to you to make a decision, you must decide on what side you're going to be on.
Or by god...
Well, I'm not going to fight against you, but you better pray to whatever deity it is you got.
Pray that the new blood's wrath will be merciful, but I truly doubt it.
Lester, I want you to gather up all of our friends.
All those undead, goddammed eaters and deputize 'em all!
Go find them in every county, every place you find them, bring them in here and deputize them.
Well, it's about goddamn time!
We will set... now for a correction in nightshade of biblical proportions.
We are about to scourge eye tooth hollow of all those race-mixin' niggers and ghouls for the very last time!
That's right!
We must fight!
We must fight for our rights and traditions!
I'll be back from bachelorville by tomorrow night with the seed for planting.
We'll get the seed in the ground before first rain.
There are two of us, you know?
I always told mama you could count.
I want to go with you.
Griff can't protect nightshade alone.
I'll be fine, just mind the store for a day.
It'll be safe for a few days, at least.
Stokes is gonna need time to build up more men.
That'll be at least three days, i expect.
It's now or never, if going to make a go of our harvest.
You and griff will be okay.
I'll be back in one night.
That girl's making you soft.
Now, come on, now, don't get all womanly on me.
Brother...
I will not say this to you again.
You're tender-hearted.
You talk too much and do too much.
Like you got something to prove.
You are also the finest man I've ever known my whole life and I envy you, your Mercury heart.
You got nothing to prove, Beau.
For whoever cannot see these obvious and wonderful qualities in you, is not worth the letters and breath to dissuade.
And I cannot imagine the station at which I find myself, without you by my side.
You a bear, Beau.
You a goddamned grizzly.
Hiya!
I want you both on the eastern field tonight.
I'll take the Meadow with Beau.
Mr. Jenkins say you want to see me, Mr. hunt.
Yes, we do, Silas.
Yes, we do.
- Have a seat.
- Yes, sir.
Have a drink.
Yes, sir.
Daddy!
Daddy, where are you?
No...
Philomena! 
Hey...
Philomena!
Shh, shh...
Hey, tell me what's happening.
- Hey, hey, what's wrong?
What happened?
What happened?
It's just...
It's this whole place, Beau.
It's eye tooth itself.
There is no love here.
- Shh...
- Except with you at nightshade.
Tell me about what you're going to do when you leave here.
Tell me about your family.
As soon the crop comes in, we're gonna have enough money, we are going to go see the potion man.
All right, we are gonna...
We're gonna be human, again.
We're gonna go home.
- Why can't you go home now?
- Because I...
- Before things get worse.
- 'Cause I ain't exactly right.
All right, I don't know what i am, but I am not what I was.
You're fine just how you are.
Shh...
Well, there's my brother, too.
I ain't never heard of a nightwalker making that transition back, not ever.
We aim to try.
What is this, Beau?
It's my family.
My family's gone, Beau.
I'm all alone.
No... hey...
You are never alone as long as your family is near.
Yessum, I believe today is the day of first rains.
Too many of them for us alone.
Hilde must have been wrong about them gathering' men so quick.
Hold them off long as you can.
I'm going to go get Beau.
Run!
To Silas...
For conveying the proper message to our negroes.
Whiskey.
Goddammit, Lester, what the hell happened this morning?
We did what you said, we poisoned the ground.
All high ground, you got all the crops?
- All of them?
- Yes, sir, we did.
Twenty large bags of lime and... acid.
I want a raise, goddammit!
What y'all have promised us, ain't nearly enough for this madness.
Sure, sure, you earned it.
It was like them ghouls knew we was coming.
One of 'em got loose in that... that robe a his, and killed us or run us off who weren't already killed.
Now, where's the rest of your deputies?
Are you not listening?
They're dead!
The whole thing went sideways out there, all of it!
So, those charmington boys, they just run you all off?
Uh, no, it weren't but one them in that bushy suit a his.
And those goddamned squatters did their part, too, and that niggrah, griff.
Less than a dozen a us survived, prolly less than half a dozen.
So how many of those others were killed besides your men?
You weren't there, Stokes, you don't know what we was dealing with!
Even your goddamned daughter showed up in that crazy mix.
If you have harmed a hair on my little Philly's head...
Quit your threats, Stokes.
She wasn't supposed to be there.
The new men thought she was a squatter.
We done lost five men getting her!
You fiends!
There weren't but no other way to bring her.
She was like a bag of angry cats.
You have doomed us!
You have doomed us all!
These me are going to take you home now, Philly.
I am my father's daughter!
And by my birthright, I am doomed with the rest of you!
There will be a reckoning for all that we have done!
There will be a reckoning for all that we have done!
There will be a reckoning!
No!
You men...
Just get her home!
There will be a reckoning!
There will be a reckoning!
Reckoning!
Where's the other brother, Lester?
I have no earthly idea.
I want you to ride to every burg and briar patch you can, find every man with a firearm and have them here tonight, have them here by the town hall, tell them I will pay $100 and five acres of land.
We're going to end this thing tonight.
One night's work.
That's all, now, get.
Come on.
I want you men to get down to Jenkins store and get all the wood you can get.
We're going to secure the hall for our families.
Now go.
My mama's dead, griff.
She got killed.
Can't find David.
I gotta go warn Silas.
They might be coming for him, too.
- I want to go with you.
- Find your brother.
I'll be back in a spell.
Go.
Beau was off with miss philomena for a spell, andwhentheycametoattack,
Iwentofftofetchhim sowecouldstandtogether.
I wouldn't let them mass up on you.
Where is she?
The few what we didn't kill, they done took off with her.
She went with them?
Not like that, she was kicking and screaming.
Yeah, I'm sure.
They poisoned high field with lime.
Therainsdonealreadywashed itacrossthewholefarm .
There won't be nothing growing here at nightshade this season.
And... they killed Ferris.
And Silas, too.
Left him hanging out there in the middle of the town.
I'm sorry for your troubles, griff.
You a good man.
We know you and Beau needed this here money so we all throwed in.
It only 'bout $75, but it all the moneys we got.
You still gots to see the potion man so you could go home to your peoples.
That's some good seed stock.
Y'all keep it 'til next season, clean up the bad top soil from the rows, plough it under and come next season, you'll be good to grow.
Y'all are now the owners of nightshade.
Well, they just gonna run us off soon as you leave, Mr. hilde.
How we gonna stay and make a go of it?
You can stay, griff 'cause y'all going to be the only ones left.
'Cause I'm gonna to kill anything bigger than a yardstick.
It's mine! 
It's mine!
I curse the day you were born, you motherless cur!
I curse you through the afterlife!
May you rot in hell!
My god...
And I'm just gettin' started!
Kill him!
Get in there!
Get him out of there!
Get him out!
Get in there!
That's right, ghoul, we got him.
We killed your soulless brother.
And you ain't no goddamned different.
We gonna kill you, too.
I told Stokes it was a bad idea to go this way.
You don't know nothing of your new nature, do you, hildebrant?
What happens when it's been too long since we've fed?
We start to become handsome, beautiful.
Exquisite, irresistible.
The hungrier we get, the more beautiful we become to them.
That's an evolutionary development.
It allows us to predate more effectively.
Join us, hilde.
Let us show you our world.
You don't have to hide, you don't have to be alone.
Not that it matters, because I'm going to kill you all.
Which one of you fed on Silas?
Waste not, want not.
Hilde!
Hilde!
Youcanhavethis littlespitof land, butI willseeyou again.
You want to feel the sun on your skin again?
Yes, sir.
Do you want to be human?
Yes, sir, I do.
Do you have an offering for me?
Yes, sir. 
Right here.
Come in.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Le Calmar Saint-Marie.
I know that many of you have been to our place in London so we're absolutely delighted that you've made the trip over here to share in this next exciting step of Le Calmar's journey here on this gorgeous gem of an island.
It promises to be a truly special experience.
Robert Holt, everyone.
Now, as you're aware, this is our first soft opening, so we're operating a limited menu albeit one with a Caribbean twist.
But the thing that won't be limited is the quality that you've come to expect from Le Calmar and the chance to be a part of Robert Holt's unique vision.
Thank you. 
Let the food do the talking.
Come on, come on!
Service!
Jim, we need you now!
Service!
I thought you said we'd cut the list in half.
- I did my best but I couldn't get hold of anyone. 
- Two calamari.
Kim, how are the desserts?
Kim, desserts for table five.
Kim, keep it together.
- Oh, for God's sake!
- Kim!
- I knew I should have left.
- Well, it's too late for that now.
It's just a normal night, OK?
It's just a normal night.
I'm sorry, there are no photo opportunities.
You know what Robert's like, monastic discipline and no distractions.
Thank you.
Forget Robert. 
All right? 
Just follow me.
- Follow my lead, OK?
- Kim?
What the hell is going on?
You have to get back in there!
No photographs!
I'm sorry, I did say.
Desserts for table five.
Matt, get me the plates.
We'll save you a gin and tonic?
Yeah, I might just kip here tonight.
Oh, all right, darling.
Perfect.
Thank you.
Hello! 
Sorry about this. 
I thought you were coming after nine.
Follow me.
Come in, come in.
Robert?
Robert?
What is this?
Oh, my God.
Freezer door's open...
In here!
Oh, my God.
Hey! 
You little...
Out of breath, grandad?
Toerag!
- Ah, Morning!
- Chief!
What have you got there?
My next lesson in the art of courtship?
- Absolutely.
- Really?
See how the world's leading men put theory into practice.
Good morning, everyone!
Morning!
Earth calling JP. 
Nanoo-Nanoo.
He's in lurve.
Man, Rosey's amazing.
You know, last night she cooked this wonderful meal and then we went down to the beach and ate under the stars.
And then she gave me an envelope.
"Got you a present," she said.
So why she get you a present?
Our two month anniversary. 
It's a weekend away in Guadeloupe!
And then this morning, she made me my lunch!
- This is bad news.
- Hmm?
How are you going to top all that?
Er, er, what, what do you mean, "Top all that"?
- It's your three month anniversary coming up, right? 
- Yes.
Then you'll have the fourth, the fifth, the sixth, not to mention Valentine's Day, Easter, Christmas and oh, Lordy, lest you forget, her birthday.
You're in big, big trouble man.
- Well, when you put it like that, Dwayne. 
- I did.
Men! 
Why is everything a competition?
Ah, well, Florence, to be fair, you must remember what the ancients said about the art of love -- once you have secured the battlefield, you must then massacre the enemy.
Or was that the art of war?
Yeah, sorry, that's the art of war. 
Carry on.
Oh, I'll tell you what, JP.
Erm, you, me tonight, my place, beers, popcorn, all of these.
Give you some ideas.
Yes, yes, OK, yes.
- Good.
- Honore Police Station. 
OK.
Chief? 
There's been a murder up at that new restaurant.
Minor stab wound in upper back, major stab wound in the chest.
Robert Holt, 48. 
Michelin-starred chef of Le Calmar, London.
About to open the hotly anticipated Le Calmar Saint-Marie.
Last night was the first soft opening -- official one next week.
From the positioning I'd say definitely attacked from behind, er, turned round and then boobump!
Murder weapon? 
Don't tell me, handle's been wiped.
Sure looks like it. 
Kitchen knife.
It's personalised, I think, his initials carved on the handle.
Hmm. 
Poulsen. 
Danish, set you back a small fortune.
- Time of death? 
- Hard to pinpoint as he's been in a freezer.
Can't measure accurate body temperature and can't tell when rigor mortis set in. 
I mean, maybe postmortem might be able to narrow it down?
Indeed. 
Last seen?
11:30pm, when his staff left. 
Found this morning when they reopened.
His partner, also the manager, his son and two other chefs all spent the night in the villa they're renting on the other side of the island.
How long are they here for?
Well, they are the core team so they're setting it up with the intention other staff will take over and they'll go back to London.
Robert said he was staying the night here, but apparently the sofa bed's not been opened.
Anything missing?
Well, his partner says there's £4,000 taken from the safe.
Also his smartphone is gone.
I've got details of the make and model.
Lindmaier-Baudet. 
Very nice. 
These cost around 40 grand, I'd say.
Personalised Danish knives, £40,000 watches, he liked his little luxuries.
- Chief? 
- Yeah? 
- Over here... 
- Yeah!
Set of ten personalised knives, one missing.
Yes.
Gosh, look at that!
This knife has been sharpened with a bias to the right-hand side.
Our victim was a sinistral.
Left-handed, Dwayne.
Did you know, 10% of all people are left-handed?
But can you guess how many Mensa members are?
20%!
Isn't it fascinating?
Isn't it just?
!
Yes! 
Apparently, most parrots are left-footed. 
Or is that left-clawed?
- Chief? 
- Yes? 
- Have a look at this!
Back and front doors were locked, no sign of forced entry anywhere.
The burglar must have got in through there.
Where are the CCTV cameras?
They're not working, believe it or not.
- Mmm.
- Teething problems.
This is zinc, isn't it?
Ah-ha! 
No footprints. 
You see, zinc gets marked and stained very easily.
And it won't fade, you have to wipe it off.
See? 
Nothing there.
So the intruder must've wiped them off after they got inside?
Maybe. 
But he couldn't have done that on the way out, could he?
Anyway, who said there was an intruder?
A struggle in the kitchen, money gone from the safe, looks like a botched burglary to me.
But there was no sign of a struggle in the corridor or in the office where the money was taken?
And what was Robert doing in the freezer?
Maybe he fought back.
Then how come he was stabbed in the back first?
That suggests someone creeping up on him from behind.
But someone stole the money AND his phone.
So we're dealing with a thief who's clever enough not to leave fingerprints and levitate above a worktop, but dumb enough to leave behind a watch worth a fortune?
Hmmm. 
So a botched burglary is what it looks like.
But that's exactly what it is not.
I think it's time we met the kitchen crew, don't you?
So the last time you all saw Robert was when you left here in a taxi at 11:30pm?
Yes. 
He wanted to stay here. 
At busy times, he'd often sleep over.
He couldn't wait to plan the menu, and prepare for the following day.
And... would he have stayed up all night? 
Preparing?
No, not all night, no, but certainly well into the night.
He was a total workaholic.
And who else did he know on the island? 
Er, er suppliers?
Decorators?
No. 
No-one.
Dexter deals with suppliers and I deal with everyone else.
And your waiting staff?
Well, they didn't even know him.
I mean, they only arrived yesterday afternoon and I briefed them.
They didn't even speak to Robert.
What about socially, in the evening?
Did he go to bars or other restaurants?
Are you joking? 
He was like a monk.
Strict routine and no deviation, just swim, power yoga and here.
Robert didn't do socialising.
Man was a genius.
It was complete and utter dedication to the kitchen.
And during the evening service, was anything unusual? 
Anything untoward?
It was seamless.
And you all left together at 11:30, went directly to the villa, and no-one had any contact or saw Robert until the body was discovered at 8:35 this morning?
That's right.
So you were together in the villa all night?
None of you left to go anywhere?
We were exhausted. 
And I dropped like a stone.
I crashed almost straight away.
What? 
Yeah, yeah, same here.
Same. 
Anything to confirm that?
There are, there are CCTV cameras up at the villa.
- You're welcome to have a look.
- Yes, we will, thank you.
Sorry, but I have to ask, will this take much longer?
Only my wife and daughter will be landing in half an hour.
Well, I assure you that we won't keep you longer than necessary.
Yes, talking about the CCTV, I meant to ask, the CCTV here -- teething problems?
Yes, it was a... 
It was a complicated system to set up.
Robert wanted it everywhere.
He liked to be on top of things.
I just wish we... .. hadn't left him here with all that money on his own.
Yes, unfortunately, that would've made no difference because no-one broke in.
I mean, you unlocked the door this morning, correct?
- Yes. 
- But the window...
- The money in the safe.
Yes, well, someone definitely tried to make it look that way, that's for sure.
I'm sorry but if this wasn't a break-in then what was it?
Murder?
! 
That's ridiculous.
What's ridiculous?
- What's going on? 
Where's Robert?
- Sorry, who are you?
I'm Gary, Robert's brother. 
Who are you?
I can't believe it. 
I only saw him yesterday morning.
How long have you been on Saint-Marie?
Er, came last Friday to help out.
Help? 
As in...?
You know, carry deliveries, do bits and bobs round the place.
I mean, I'm a businessman not a chef, but, you know we all need moral support and the pressure was on.
But, er... you weren't here last night... for the first soft opening?
Yeah, he didn't like people getting under his feet.
- And you're not staying at the villa?
- I wish I was now.
Certainly wouldn't have let him stay here on his own.
No, I've rented a little place by the beach.
And last night?
- Er, stayed in. 
Went to bed early.
- On your own?
Yeah, sadly, yes.
- I see.
- Not by choice.
So, you were saying -- you, you, you think it was someone he knew?
But, but he didn't know anyone on the island.
Yeah, well we're yet to establish that.
Look at that poor kid.
To lose both parents so young.
Oh, his mother...
Yes, she died in a car crash when he was ten.
- Sorry, if you'll excuse me he needs me.
- Yes, of course.
Strange, isn't it? 
He came to help but wasn't staying at the villa or helping at the restaurant?
Yes. 
He's also short of an alibi.
Let's find out everything we can about the two brothers.
Right, JP, last night's diners track them down, see if anyone spotted anything unusual.
Also ask around the town if anyone knew Robert, saw Robert, or can tell us anything about the victim's last day.
Dwayne, search the villa and get CCTV.
Also put the feelers out for the phone, see if anything turns up.
Er, Florence, background checks and all mobile phone logs.
Cos Robert was murdered by someone he knew.
And if it is as they all say and he knows no-one on the island... .. well, then, it must be one of them.
OK, so there are two CCTV cameras at the villa, both set at diagonals.
One covering the whole of the front, the other the whole of the back.
Now, they went in at 11:50pm and came out at 8:00 the following morning.
And there's no other way in or out of there?
Not unless they dug a tunnel. 
This is a new build.
There are no cellars and no trap doors.
OK, let's make sure we go through every frame of this footage.
Yes, Chief.
Coroner just confirmed there's no fingerprints on the knife.
The postmortem preliminary report's just come back.
Determining time of death is tricky due to the body's exposure to extreme cold as we thought.
They're looking to come back to us with more specifics within the next day or so.
Anything else from the restaurant?
Not really. 
No sign of his phone yet.
The washing machine had his chef whites in -- all washed.
There was nothing significant on his desk -- paperwork, accounts, different drafts of menus.
Ah, but there was one thing, Chief!
WED and a reference number.
WED, Worldwide Express Delivery?
Yes, very good. 
Call them.
- See if there's anything waiting to be collected. 
- Yes, Chief.
OK. 
So what have we got so far?
Ah, well, Robert Holt, 48.
Maverick and star of the British culinary scene.
Ran his first restaurant at the age of 21.
"At Le Calmar Saint-Marie, we don't serve food,
"we serve up the Caribbean experience -- timeless ingredients,
"memories, desires, aromas, textures, dreams."
And a whole lump of cheese by the sound of it.
Yes, quite. 
Oooh, desserts -- my favourite.
"Caribbean Shipwreck: praline and chocolate cliffs served on an
"archipelago of burnt almonds in a lake of pawpaw-infused rose water".
Caribbean shipwreck!
What the hell are you supposed to do with that, eat it or alert the coastguard?
Oh, no, not you, madam! 
I wondered if you could help me.
Anouk Laban.
Robert's girlfriend for 11 years. 
Former fashion model.
Who never graduated to wife.
Maybe everything's not a bed of pawpaw-infused rose water in that relationship. 
Dexter Allen.
Sous chef and right-hand man. 
Married with a child.
Been with Robert almost his entire career.
Yet never tried to set up on his own.
Why is that, I wonder? 
Matt Holt, son of the Great Man.
20.
His mother was Robert's first, well, only wife. 
Died in a car crash when Matt was ten years old.
Matt was a grade A student who dropped out of law school, avid amateur photographer, according to his social media.
And yet working as a pot wash for his old man?
Interesting. 
Now, she was very quiet.
Which can't be said for her tattoos.
The pastry chef, Kim Sweeney, a Londoner.
Got an apprenticeship in one of Robert's kitchens when she was 17.
Rose through the ranks in no time.
Let's try and look into her background.
Well, thank you very much, Ernestina!
And... yes, bye-bye.
Chief! 
There is indeed a package waiting to be picked up.
Special delivery from London.
I'm heading over there now.
I'll take over the footage.
Which leaves us with the man with no alibi, Gary Holt.
Well, he's a businessman all right.
Looks like he's got a string of failed ventures behind him.
Was just declared bankrupt and latest divorce recently out of court.
- Any trouble with the law?
- Still checking.
Sounds like JP! 
JP, What news?
Well, I asked everywhere.
Everyone's heard of Robert but no-one's met him.
Seems he really did keep himself to the restaurant and the villa.
But I do have this.
Two of the diners attempted to film Robert at work.
This is the footage.
No photographs!
I'm sorry, I did say.
Well, I dare say, in the midst of a first night, someone sticking a camera in your face, well, I wouldn't like it either.
- Sir! 
- Yes. 
- Gary Holt.
He's got a criminal record.
- Ah? 
- Spent two years at HMP Woodhill, serious assault outside a nightclub.
And listen to this.
Six weeks ago he's involved in a fight inside Robert's restaurant in London and was given a police caution.
No wonder Robert didn't want him around. 
He sounds like a liability.
Quite. 
JP, let's start going through Robert's laptop.
E-mails, the lot. 
See if there's any mention of Gary in there.
- Yes, Chief.
- I think it's time we paid the helpful brother a helpful visit.
- Ooh! 
What the...?
!
- Potholes.
This is a great big piece of British engineering, Florence, it was built for potholes.
You don't need to avoid them.
So I will tell you something, though.
This was a very nasty assault that Gary went to prison for.
The guy was left for dead.
Now you see, the victim of the assault pointed the finger at Robert, not Gary.
Robert was charged but then Gary confessed.
And the CPS concluded that because the victim was drunk at the time of the assault they had to go with it and prosecuted Gary.
He was only 20 at the time.
So Gary took a hit for his brother?
Yes, it would certainly look that way... 
Whoa!
You did say I don't have to avoid them.
Yes. 
Yes, I did.
I never need an excuse for a barbecue.
I was wondering when you might show up.
Let's start with the argument you had in the restaurant in London six weeks ago. 
What was it about?
Oh, you know, this and that.
Can't remember, really, had a few drinks...
Still, must've been serious if the police were called.
Well, we exchanged a few blows.
We both have a... a very short fuse.
Yes, you've been through a rocky patch recently?
Bankruptcy, divorce...
Was that what you argued over?
Did you ask Robert for help?
Did he refuse? 
After all you did for him?
You, erm... .. spent two years in prison.
Why did you confess to a crime you didn't commit?
Who says I didn't commit it?
Well, the entire investigative team by the looks of it.
Why did you take a charge for him?
Hmm? 
All right, let's see.
How old must Robert have been at the time?
Just about to go to catering school, right? 
Is that why?
To spare his future? 
Now he's a very successful millionaire and you're...
So?
! 
Well, you, you think I killed him over money?
!
Then how do you explain this?
Yesterday, he transferred £20,000 into my account.
See, he may have been a lot of things but he was still my brother.
So, 11:30pm comes. 
The staff leave in a taxi.
Confirmed by the taxi driver who saw Robert wave them off.
Correct.
Now, Robert doesn't pull out the sofa bed but he does change because he put his chef's uniform in the washing machine.
So it looks like that's when the attacker came, seeing as the bed's not slept in.
And yet the only suspect with the opportunity, Gary, has no motive.
How are you getting on with the CCTV?
Nearly done, since they entered the villa at 11:50pm, no movement at all.
JP, anything your end on Robert's finances?
Yes, er, evidence of multiple bank accounts in multiple places.
Ah. 
Interesting.
While we're at it, can we run financial checks on the rest?
- Chief. 
- Ah, Dwayne. 
You have been gone a long time.
Tell me about it. 
I had to wait for ages.
Because of this! "For collection in person with ID only".
It was in a special pile, and the lovely Ernestina had to get special dispensation from her supervisor before I could leave.
Yes, I bet that took a while.
- Burbank  Co.
- That's his solicitor's firm.
Now I can see why they were for collection only.
Anouk Laban and Pierre Lovell, 10/01/2016.
She was having an affair?
There's a letter here as well from the solicitor.
Pierre Lovell is a restaurateur.
He owns quite a few places in Paris, London and Beijing.
Mmm-hmm. 
Listen to this.
"If an employee is seen or heard to
"pass on future plans, recipes, techniques
"then there is possibly a case for industrial espionage."
Private investigators?
I wouldn't have thought that was Elliot Burbank's style.
Pierre's an old friend.
I think Robert suspected it was more business than pleasure.
Industrial espionage? 
Please!
That's Robert in a nutshell.
Always thinking people were trying to stab him in the back.
To be fair, someone did.
Well, it wasn't me! 
I had nothing to sell.
You were meeting a restaurateur.
Look, what was I supposed to be doing?
I left an amazing career for Robert, I gave up the best years of my life.
But I have no legal right to anything here. 
I mean, if we split up, I'd be left with nothing.
No, Pierre was just giving me some, some kindly advice.
So, Robert never wanted to get married?
No. 
Marriage was a complete no-no for him.
He once said once is enough.
That was fine, fine.
I did my best to keep him entertained but he had a very low boredom threshold.
He was a man at the end of the day.
Well, we're not all like that.
It was only a question of time before he shacked up with a younger model. 
Literally.
And then where would I be?
And yet still you stayed with him?
The option being... .. what? 
Walk out with nothing?
You know, it's very apt that he called his restaurant Le Calmar because he had his tentacles everywhere.
Knowing him, he'd make damn sure no-one could lay a hand on what was his. 
Even from beyond the grave.
No, I'd never be so stupid as to attempt his murder.
Anyway, how could I?
I was here all night.
It was quite a relationship.
He's looking to get rid of her, she knows he is, yet still holding on.
Still, if she got rid of him first,
I reckon she'd still have a claim to some of his wealth.
But she couldn't have done it.
The taxi driver said specifically that he took them straight to the villa. 
And I've looked at all the footage and there's no way anyone got out during the night!
Where there's a motive there's a way.
Ah! 
How are you two getting on?
Oh, I'm just going through the evidence bags from the villa.
Nothing so far.
Yes, I'm still trying to work out this financial maze.
I mean, this chef must have kept his accountant busy.
His bank accounts have bank accounts.
Sammy! 
Huh? 
You've found the phone?
!
Really? 
OK, thank you.
One of my informants has just come across somebody trying to sell what sounds like the chef's phone at the bus station.
- Said it sounded like a woman.
- Sounded like?
They don't call him Blind Sammy for nothing, you know.
- You've got a blind informant?
- Yes. 
But he's got exceptional hearing.
Whatever works. 
Let's go.
Madam.
You need a phone?
Hey!
Chief! 
The kid!
Oi!
Hello.
I hear you've got a phone for sale.
- I told you, someone gave it to me. 
- Who?
- Can't remember. 
- When? 
- Not sure.
You're in big trouble, you know Jackson.
What will your parents say about this?
Not much. 
They died when I was three.
My auntie looks after me. 
But she's asleep because she works nights.
Wants me out of the house in the daytime.
Now listen, Jackson. 
This is very serious. 
A man has been murdered.
And this was his phone. 
Now, for the last time, how did you get it?
- Will I get into trouble?
- Not if you tell the truth.
Well I was outside that new restaurant, the one with the octopus sign on it.
- When? 
- Yesterday morning.
And I was walking on the beach.
Sometimes people leave behind nice things, and these two men came and started fighting.
They were arguing and then the older man's phone fell out his pocket but he doesn't notice.
He's so angry he just pushed the other man and goes back in.
The other man gets up, looking really upset
- and goes in right after him.
- So what were they arguing about?
I didn't understand.
Something about girlfriends.
Girlfriends?
Jackson, the man who lost his phone, was it him?
Yeah.
And the man he was fighting with, him?
No.
No? 
What about him?
No. 
It was him. 
With the sad eyes.
Very little we can add to what we know about Matt already. 
No criminal record.
Dropped out of law school despite his great grades, didn't pick up his place on a photography course.
Nothing from the villa either.
Meanwhile on his blog he posted a strange wish list.
Jewellery? 
Jackson said girlfriends were mentioned.
Does he have one?
Doesn't look like it. 
His online profile says single.
Doesn't take after his father, then.
Well, whatever they were arguing about, he never mentioned it.
There's only one way to find out why.
Back in the Jeep.
I should've said. 
But I feel so awful about it.
That was the last time we spoke.
What were you arguing about?
We hadn't been getting along for a while.
Since I dropped out of my law degree.
He wouldn't pay for me to go to photography school.
Said if I wanted to throw my life away then I'd have to pay for the privilege myself.
Yet still you chose to come work here as a pot wash?
Why not just go somewhere else?
Suppose I... 
I thought I could change his mind.
But you didn't?
That's what started it all -- we went for a swim, and then on the way back I said to him,
"Why don't you pay for my course up front and I'll pay you back?"
And then he let rip.
Called me a loser and a disappointment... and...
.. it kind of went from there.
Wasn't exactly a match for him physically. 
He knew that.
You were overheard having an argument about er, about girlfriends.
Girlfriends?
I, er... 
My dad's girlfriends...
I don't like the way he treats Anouk, that's all.
Right. 
That scratch, nasty.
That happen in the...?
Ah, no, I get eczema when I get stressed.
What the hell is going on?
Can I have a word, please? 
In private.
Downstairs.
We were just trying to...
Trying to what?
! 
Distress a kid who's just lost his father?
Look, new evidence has come to light about an argument.
So they argued. 
You show me a father and son who don't.
You need to lay off him. 
He's more fragile than he looks.
We were just trying to...
Do you have anything tangible on him? 
No, of course you don't.
And you wouldn't either cos he was here all night.
So I think we're done here.
Don't you?
Are we digging up everything we can about Robert and Dexter?
Yep, I'm on it, Chief.
Thank you. 
Dwayne, how we getting on with Robert Holt's mobile?
Well, I'm going through his call register, nothing so far.
Calls to his lawyer, his bank, that sort of thing.
I think I'm going to take it home, this could take me all night.
Well, I would help you out but I've got a date with the Inspector.
Movie night. 
Fancy joining us?
You stick to your date and I'll stick to my data, thank you very much!
That little... 
Again!
Jackson here?
Can't we just watch it on the DVD player?
No! 
We want to have the full, ah, big screen experience.
Ah, mmm... yes... erm...
Here.
Yes! 
Excellent, anyway, erm, right. 
I think that's everything.
Now, the DVD player is hooked up to the computer.
Computer to the projector.
Projector to the battery which is charging in the extension cable.
Well, that's it. 
Ladies and gentlemen, take your seats.
Lights. 
Camera... toaster?
Right, I think I know what I did wrong there.
♪ She may be the beauty or the beast
♪ May be the famine... ♪
Ah, yes, that's very good.
Very good.
- Good morning. 
- Morning. 
- Morning!
So, how was the lesson?
Well, actually it was rather fascinating, wasn't it, JP?
- Er, yes.
- Conclusions?
Well, erm, one, love can be found anywhere. 
Er, two, you can't force it, it's spontaneous. 
Wouldn't you say?
Er, yes.
And three, once you have it... it's forever.
- Yes!
- Dwayne?
OK.
He's onto something.
Look, these were all in his deleted messages file.
Robert's been texting Dexter the whole time they've been here.
Right, but Dexter's not been answering.
Look, "What have they got over in SH?"
"SH comes highly recommended", "What's the weather like in SH" SH?
You know, and if none of them have received a response, then what were they?
Er, jokes? 
Taunts? 
And why delete them?
Hang on, we found these in Dexter's bin.
Ticket stubs for the ferry to Sainte-Helene.
Saint-Helene. 
SH. 
Well, it has to be that!
Look, why don't we just go over to Saint-Helene
- and see what we can dig up?
- Yep, good idea.
If I tell you it won't be a surprise!
Hang up, hang up the ph... 
No, you hang...
I'll tell you what. 
I'll hang up.
You're on duty, man!
- Well, you're the one who put the fear of God in me. 
- What?
Yes, telling me I had to top her gestures.
Oh, so have you worked out how you are going to do that yet?
- It's going to be amazing.
- Amazing, eh?
Mmm-hmm. 
So? 
Any luck?
He said he was a bit of a regular on the evening ferry.
I found this, an interview in the Hackney Gazette.
"Local boy chosen as one of five culinary stars of tomorrow."
He had just got his job at Robert's restaurant.
Yeah, look, "The plan is to stay here for a couple of years then
"branch out on my own. 
I'm not made to be number two."
One of five chefs who won the coveted Stars Of Tomorrow.
Well, he was certainly was good enough.
So why hasn't he done it?
There's nothing.
But there must've been a reason why he was here so often.
Oh, there was. 
A certain bar.
- He was seen outside on quite a few nights. 
- Yes?
You've heard of Bastian's?
Bastian's?
The gay bar?
He knew, didn't he?
About Bastian's.
What didn't he know? 
There's not many gay bars on these islands.
How long did he... know about you?
He worked it out pretty soon after I joined his ranks.
See, he's very clever with people.
He works his way slowly and methodically into your confidence until he's got something on you. 
And then... .. crushes you.
We know he was taunting you, via text.
He never actually said anything. 
Not openly, anyway.
But there were always these jibes, these suggestions.
Constant mentions of the boys I work with, of Emily.
He'd say he must call her for a chat.
It was just... total and complete control at any price.
Man was a sociopath.
I do love them. 
More than anything.
I mean, can you imagine the fallout, the hurt this would cause?
They've done nothing wrong.
Is that why you stayed working for him?
Did he threaten to "out" you?
Vile, horrible man.
Don't be ridiculous.
It's a pretty powerful motive, Dexter.
I wish I had it in me.
Don't get me wrong, I won't be shedding tears over him, but I didn't kill him.
How could I anyway? 
I was in the villa the whole night.
So Robert exploited his brother's loyalty, tried to get rid of his partner, blackmailed his sous chef and tyrannised his son.
Yep, one by one he bullied and alienated everyone.
However, Matt, Anouk, Dexter and Kim were all at the villa and he'd just made his peace with Gary the day before.
So they couldn't do it and he had no reason to.
Oh, my Lord.
Wow, so, as well as the two accounts in Zurich, Robert had one in San Marino, one in the Cayman Islands and one in Liechtenstein.
- Liechtenstein?
!
- Novel choice.
Yes, but wait till you hear this.
Once a month £3,000 gets transferred to a building society account in England in the name of Kim Sweeney.
Is Kim available?
She's not well. 
She's been in bed all day.
We'll be very brief, I assure you, thank you.
Yeah, well, he helped me out. 
My mum, she's got MS.
I thought I was going to have to pack it all in, to go and look after her so Robert was paying for nursing care, so I could, you know, carry on.
- Your birthday?
- Yeah. 
Five days ago.
"Hope you like your presents... kiss kiss kiss"
It's my friend, Ali, from London. 
Anyway, you were saying?
Was Robert that helpful to others, too?
Because looking over his accounts, it doesn't seem so.
You sure he, erm...
expected nothing in return?
It wasn't like that.
What was it like?
He was an amazing man.
Working next to him, it was, it was inspiring. 
He taught me everything I know.
OK.
I slept with him.
We had an affair. 
Whatever you want to call it.
Maybe I did feel indebted.
I didn't know any better.
It just happened. 
I knew it was never going to go anywhere.
Look, everyone in this business cops off with each other.
It's not rare.
The hours are long, you never get to meet anyone else.
- How long was the affair?
- A while, on and off.
Then it just sort of fizzled out.
Fizzled out?
That must've been difficult seeing as you worked so closely together?
I always knew it wouldn't last.
Did Robert have the other half of that?
- What?
- The pendant?
No, no... my mum does.
Believe me... the only person Robert was in love with was Robert.
Right, what do we know?
Robert Holt was stabbed with his own knife the night before yesterday.
He was last seen at 11:30pm by his staff and a taxi driver.
And we know he let his attacker in, so he must've known them.
And we can't find anyone else he may have known on the island except these people.
He betrayed his brother, cheated on his partner, bullied his son, blackmailed his second-in-command and took liberties with the pastry chef.
Her story checks out, by the way.
Her mum is in a nursing home
- and money goes from Kim's account every month to pay for it. 
- Hmm.
Well, none of them will miss him, that's for sure.
And yet they were all in the villa at the time of the murder!
- Apart from one, Gary.
- Who has no motive.
No, no, no, this is impossible.
I know it's right under our noses, I can smell it.
Sir, can I just put something out there?
Maybe it was a robbery.
You know, maybe it was one of the diners and maybe they hid in the toilets till everyone was gone and...
And how did they get out after they killed him?
OK, I mean, I haven't worked that out yet but, er, it can't be one of these.
It simply has to be...
Ah. 
The coroners, this is their follow-up report.
Ah.
Ah!
Right! 
Um...
Cardiac arrest caused by stabbing straight to the heart, etc, etc.
Time of death inconclusive, please see appendix A below. 
Damn.
They haven't managed to narrow it down.
"Ambient temperature will make this a best guess,
"based on available information.
"The time of death could realistically be any time
"within a 24 hour period".
Yes, but seeing as he was last seen at 11:30pm...
Hang on.
No!
How could I? 
I was here all night.
- Gordon Bennett! 
- Who? 
- Never mind!
That's brilliant. 
Where is the footage from the opening?
Where's the footage?
Yes! 
Yes!
Oh, my word. 
Oh, I can't believe it.
This knife has been sharpened with a bias to the right-hand side.
Oh, yes, that is very clever. 
Very.
Sorry, I did say.
I never need an excuse for a barbecue.
- So what were they arguing about?
- Something about girlfriends.
- Nearly... nearly there! 
If only... 
- What?
Right. 
I think I know what's going on. 
Dwayne?
We need the CCTV footage from the arrivals hall of the airport for last Friday. 
Florence, JP, come with me.
Chief? 
I don't think there's anything here we can use.
Just keep looking.
- Sir?
- Mmm-hmm?
What's that?
Bingo. 
I think it's time we got everyone together.
Le Calmar. 
The Squid.
Did you know that in 1998 marine biologists discovered a fascinating species of mollusc just off the coast of Indonesia?
Yes, they called it the mimic octopus because it fools its predators by pretending to be something it's not.
Sometimes it pretends to be a lionfish, sometimes a sea snake.
It's very clever. 
An impersonator!
Who put those there?
Very similar to what we have encountered here.
See, at first, it looked as if Robert Holt, uber-chef, huge talent, had been the victim of a botched burglary.
He wasn't.
He was murdered. 
Murdered by someone he knew very well.
Murdered by someone here.
Now, here's the problem. 
Four of you had a strong motive.
Anouk, a dead Robert could give you what a living Robert never would, financial security.
If we split up, I'd be left with nothing.
Matt Holt, you just wanted to follow your own path -- against your father's will. 
Is that a reason to kill?
Blood relatives have killed for less.
Now, Dexter Allen, you certainly had a motive for murder.
You were being blackmailed!
A hugely talented chef in his own right.
Robert made sure that you'd never hop kitchen or set up on his own.
Then there's Kim, the pastry chef.
His one-time mistress.
Someone else Robert used and abused.
Gave her money and yet indulged in a highly inappropriate relationship.
The only thing is, she along with the rest of you, had an alibi.
You were all in the villa at the time of the murder.
In fact, the only person who wasn't in the villa was Gary Holt.
I mean, Gary certainly had the opportunity but, but where's the motive?
I mean, after all, the day before he was killed, Robert gave him
£20,000 so... how do we make sense of all this?
We're waiting to hear.
Yes. 
Yes.
It's showtime.
Er, Dwayne.
Now, this is footage taken by one of the diners on the night of the soft opening.
Not the catchiest of titles, but there you go.
Now, it looks like we are watching Robert at work.
- We are.
- No, we're not.
If you could slow it down here, please, Dwayne.
And remember Robert is left-handed.
A left-handed person would place the condiments to the right of the dish and then lean over.
Putting the condiments to the left of the dish is exactly what a right-handed person would do.
You see? 
Dexter notices this... and so moves the bowls to the right... just as the pair of them become aware that they're being filmed.
I mean, naturally, at the best of times, Robert wouldn't like being filmed without prior notice.
But that's not the reason he panics here, no.
The reason is,
Robert isn't Robert.
That's insane!
This is Gary Holt coming through the airport, the day he arrived on the island.
All it required was a pair of glasses and Robert's trademark bandana, and Gary becomes Robert.
After all, apart from you lot, no-one at the soft opening would, at a fair distance, know any different.
Because by the time the diners sat down, Robert was already dead...
- .. in the freezer.
- That's crazy.
We all thought that Robert was killed on the night of the soft opening.
In fact, he was killed 12 hours before.
Now, you took a brazen risk but the rewards were high and it enabled you to shift the time of the murder and thereby give you all an alibi.
I mean, if we think that Robert's killed in the middle of the night, well, then you're all safely tucked up inside the villa, aren't you?
And so Gary poses as Robert... .. Dexter does all the cooking.
Gary then makes sure the taxi driver sees him go back inside, then he prepares the scene for the robbery gone wrong.
All it takes then is a shave and you are Gary again.
You know, this is ridiculous!
What, what, I, I killed him and then impersonated him?
It's funny you say that because er, er, er, you see, in my mind, once I worked out the how
I then had to work out the who.
Now, there were two options.
Option one, you killed him.
But then, why would everyone else play along and conspire to protect you? 
I mean, after all, they hardly know you.
Which leads us to option two.
You and everyone else conspired to protect someone else, someone you all knew and empathised with, someone who had a very unfortunate roll of the dice so far.
It's a re-run of the past, Gary, but for your brother's son.
And what? 
We'd all just play along with it?
Well, yes, you would. 
Because you all hated Robert.
And you all felt empathy for Matt's plight.
This had nothing to do with your dad's plans for you, however much you hated them.
But it has everything to do with Kim.
The woman you are passionately in love with.
The woman who was your father's on and off mistress.
Me and Matt!
Yes, of course.
I mean, a sensitive, clever, slightly lost young man, who falls for you so deeply that on your birthday he posts photos of all the things in the world he would have got you had he had his dad's wealth and power.
Or is it just a coincidence that those posts appear on the very day you turned 24?
You know, maybe the affair did, as you say, fizzle out.
But even so.
I mean, Robert wouldn't tolerate his son muscling in on his property, would he?
You see, that scratch has nothing to do with eczema.
Your dad did that, didn't he?
When he tore the necklace off you in the fight you had.
Give me this! 
Give me this!
And look at what we found in the ashes of Gary's barbecue.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Well, if you'll allow me. 
Kim.
See. 
Perfect fit.
We called and asked the nurses at your mum's nursing home.
Your mum knew nothing about a pendant.
Your dad must have outlined it in no uncertain terms... .. you break up, or she's ruined.
That was his style.
I mean, he couldn't bear being number two to anyone.
So he knocks you down and humiliates you.
You've had enough!
For years, you've watched him abuse everyone around him, mentally, financially, physically. 
When will it stop?
!
Humiliated and reeling you follow him back into the restaurant.
You, you, you're blind with anger.
You, you, you grab a knife, find him in the freezer and you stab him in the back.
He turns round and you stab him again... straight through the heart.
Don't say anything, Matt.
You realise what you've done.
You're horrified, you call your uncle and he arrives with all the team.
Oh, help! 
Help!
You're probably all shocked but really is anyone grieving?
Or did you all think he had it coming?
And what is the point of wasting a young life, Matt's?
Who's never hurt a fly in his life.
The conspiracy to cover up the murder begins.
This is what we do...
Robert is left in the freezer in his T-shirt and shorts.
Gary then goes back to the shack with your clothes, the broken pendant still in your pocket, and everything is burned.
You carry on with the soft opening as if nothing had happened, you then wait the night out and return to make sure the delivery man sees you enter and find Robert's body.
A clever, tight plan.
If it hadn't been for this... .. surviving the flames.
You didn't know him. 
He would have destroyed us both.
He treated everyone as if they were his own possession.
He didn't care for anyone.
So no-one cared for him.
You all did at some time.
Then he let you all down.
One by one.
So... what will happen to us?
Conspiracy to pervert the course of justice?
But with a good lawyer, sensible judge.
As they say, everyone loves to see justice done on somebody else.
Make of that what you will.
Do you know what?
If this all happened again, I don't...
I don't think anyone here would have acted any differently.
Wait, wait, wait. 
OK, OK, OK!
You're a real bad man, you know?
- You're not too bad either...
for an old man. 
- Hey.
How old are you? 
60?
25 plus.
Yeah, 25 plus 35.
Listen.
If I make a deal with you are you going to keep to it?
- Depends.
- Don't be cheeky.
Now, I have a very good friend called Lennie.
He runs a youth basketball team.
They practice once a week on Tuesdays.
Now, if you promise to go to school every day,
I might, and I mean just might, have a word with him.
I could pick you up afterwards, get you a hamburger, soda...
- Why?
- Why what?
Why you doing this all for me?
Let's just say that someone did the same thing for me when I was your age.
And if they hadn't of done it,
I wouldn't be around today doing the job I love.
So what you saying? 
Mmm?
♪ What is going to happen to the young generation?
♪ What is going to happen to the youth congregation? 
♪
I can't help but feel sorry for him.
He's not even 21.
Well, there's lots of mitigating circumstances.
It wasn't pre-meditated.
And when the court take into account what we know about his father, well, it's the age-old question.
Why do some people have children?
Oh, God, I hate this job.
- What on earth happened to you?
- Old sports injury.
What?
For real! 
Had a little predicament.
Had to get back into basketball.
They used to call me Shark Attack.
I was the Shaquille O'Neal of Saint-Marie, you know?
Who used to call you that? 
Blind Sammy?
Very funny.
I see there's trouble in paradise.
I don't think so but the Inspector does.
Yup, it's got all the hallmarks of a break-up chat.
I missed you so much last night. 
I really did.
Yes, me too. 
Yeah, but you know, what could I do?
I couldn't just leave.
The Inspector was really getting into it, you know, putting on one DVD after another.
I just fell asleep!
She's laughing. 
But that's a good sign.
Er... not always in my experience.
- Oh, God! 
- Oh, my God. 
- No!
♪ I can feel those thrills walking over
♪ When you hold me... ♪
I want to be bridesmaid.
- Congratulations.
- OK, I'll be best man.
Yeah, and I will do the catering! 
And I... 
Oh.
What do you know? 
Our first wedding.
So, who's next in line?
Hey! 
Don't look at me, you know!
It's like you said, sir, love can be found anywhere.
It's very true.
But until then... .. I guess you two will have to do.
To us!
To us!
And the Santa Ana silver.
There was nothing fair about what you did!
- Get away from my boat!
- A body has been found on Blue Bay Cove.
Do you mean, like, actual treasure.
- It's not the terminology we'd use.
- It's brilliant.
Barely a scratch on it.
It's virtually mint...
It's JP's stag do tonight.
I'll be around to pick you up at 6:00pm sharp.
I don't think I want to go to my stag do.

For centuries the sacred magic of the Divine Crystal... blessed our world and its people.
But in time the promise of its power brought war to our lands.
Lucis, a peaceful kingdom of great magic kept safe by the power of the crystal.
And Niflheim, a military empire of vast machinery... made strong by the might of its Magitek.
Long has war raged between the two.
As the years passed, Niflheim marched on nearby nations... driven by its unsurpassed technology.
To defend itself, Lucis raised a magical wall... the strength of which comes from the crystal itself.
Insomnia alone, the crown city and last bastion of Lucian defense... remained beyond Niflheim reach for many years.
Amid the escalating war...
Prince Noctis of Lucis had come to Tenebrae... to seek healing for a grievous injury.
He made the long journey together with his father, King Regis.
Mother, brother, and I, the royalty of Tenebrae... had all welcomed their visit.
It was then that the fires came, everywhere and all at once.
In a mere instant, the whole of Tenebrae was ablaze.
Ravus!
Mother!
General Glauca.
The Niflheim attack was an attempt on the lives of the visiting Lucian royalty.
Noctis!
Please. 
Help us!
King Regis!
Lunafreya....
Luna!
From that day until this day...
Tenebrae has been gripped in the iron fist of Niflheim... sworn enemy of Lucis.
King Regis assembles a force of mighty warriors to combat the imperial menace.
Dubbed the Kingsglaive, they fight relentlessly against Niflheim... empowered by the magic of their sovereign.
All units, move to secure the Wall.
If they break through, we're done.
What's the hold-up, Crowe?
Crowe! 
Status?
Almost there.
No!
I need help. 
East wall's going down.
Pelna, can you get to me?
Lucis isn't paying us refugees enough... for this.
How is this fair?
Nyx, I owe you one.
You and everyone else.
We need support on the east flank.
Nyx, where are you?
I'm on my way.
Pelna, fall back and regroup with the others.
Go easy on the magic, hero.
You got people waiting for you back home.
I'm worth the wait.
Show-off.
Watch your back, Libertus.
We got more incoming.
We ain't gonna last much longer.
Crowe!
Yes!
All Glaives, fall back.
Repeat, all Glaives fall back!
Release the daemon.
We can't take down that daemon.
I'm ordering a full retreat.
Get back here alive. 
That's an order.
For hearth and home.
All units, fall back to the extraction point.
Support is inbound.
Nyx! 
We have to get out of here.
- Nyx! 
We have orders!
- Yeah.
Help!
Nyx!
That idiot.
Nyx!
Crowe. 
We gotta move.
You gotta be kidding me.
You know I ain't got the stomach for this crap.
Would you rather walk?
Come on.
Just like Galahd Canyon back home.
Libertus!
Luche, report.
The imperial forces look to be withdrawing, sir.
Guess I owe you another one.
I'll put it on your tab.
You just try and get some rest, all right?
You disobeyed a direct order to retreat.
For hearth and home, right, sir?
As long as I got strength in my body, I obey that order.
Don't fool yourself, Nyx Ulric.
Whatever strength you have is on loan from the king.
You are nothing without him.
Await details of your reassignment.
Yes, Your Majesty.
Despite their victory all but assured.
A sudden and inexplicable retreat.
We are at risk nonetheless, Your Majesty.
We cannot know when they will strike again.
Your Majesty, word from the West Gate.
A man claiming to be an envoy of the empire requests an audience.
The envoy from Niflheim awaits without, Your Majesty.
Hello there.
Hello!
Good day to you... and you.
Well met, my dear Lucians.
Has Niflheim grown so bold... that they send the chancellor himself as envoy?
And under no guard, at that?
It is an honor to be recognized by the great King Regis.
Yet permit me to stand on ceremony and introduce myself nonetheless.
Ardyn Izunia, Chancellor of Niflheim... at your humble service.
And I come to you on this... most auspicious of days to offer terms of peace.
Peace?
As you no doubt surmised... that recent maneuver of ours was no strategic retreat.
Call it... a gesture of imperial goodwill.
Like you, we wish nothing more... than to bring a swift end to this senseless war.
Is that so?
It is, indeed.
And we require but a singular compliance.
Save your grand Insomnia here.
Lucis must forfeit all territories to Niflheim rule.
Insomnia!
The jewel in the crown of the Lucian kingdom.
How foolish of me to forget.
There is just one more trivial thing.
It concerns your son.
The fetching Prince Noctis of Lucis... and the fair Princess Lunafreya of Tenebrae....
They are to be wed.
You seem vexed, Your Highness.
I assure you, the princess still holds you in the highest regard... as she has done all these 12 long years.
Don't know if anyone's told you... but we don't take kindly to insubordination around here.
Do yourself a favor, take a look around.
This is what a hundred years of peace looks like.
It's a lasting peace made by the Wall and the Wall alone.
See, we don't need any of you immigrants... jumping around, playing war hero.
Hey! 
Rough day on the gate, huh, Glaive?
You jerk.
It's your fault he got stuck there.
- Not a very nice welcome for a big hero.
- Not a very nice outfit for one, either.
I think it brings out my eyes.
What'd you put in this?
Tastes like a chocobo turd.
Hey, shut your trap!
This ain't Galahd.
That's the way folks around here like it.
Oh, well. 
I'm glad to see you're willing to sell out our heritage for a few extra gil.
Hey, Libertus.
You thank Nyx for saving your life yet?
Oh, come on, Crowe.
Nyx and I are too close for that.
He helps me, I help him.
That's the way it's always been.
Looks like you got a little help from something else, huh?
I need all I can get.
For hearth!
- And home.
- And home.
So, Nyx the Gatekeeper.
How's the new post treating you?
Oh, it's amazing. 
You guys would love it.
The gate watch are real sweethearts.
Yeah, right.
We all know they hate us outsiders more than anything.
So bored they got nothing better to do.
Boredom's not so bad.
Means there's peace, at least.
I'd fight a hundred more wars for Galahdans to know boredom.
Fight all you want.
Just don't go dying yet.
I still owe you.
A lot.
Where would the Glaive be without its hero?
Can you not talk like this while we're drinking, please?
We just sent the Niffs running with tails between their legs, right?
They weren't running from us.
No, they were toying with us.
Stop being such a buzzkill, Luche.
We all know what happened.
Did you know they sent an envoy to the Citadel after that?
What for? 
To offer their surrender?
- More like demand ours.
- What?
Demand? 
My ass!
No? 
Think about it.
The empire's got Lucis on its last legs.
It's the perfect time to make demands.
We are losing this war, Your Majesty.
Lucis cannot rely on the Kingsglaive alone.
Accepting the truce may be our best course of action.
You speak of matters beyond the New Wall.
We have no need of a truce here, so long as it stands.
And if our position worsens, we still have the Old Wall.
Yes, but this truce will end the fighting altogether.
If only we could compromise...
Compromise is unwise.
We know nothing of Niflheim's true intentions.
Do not fool yourselves.
The Walls are far from impenetrable.
The paths left to us are few.
The New Wall draws its power from the throne.
I am able to sustain it for some years yet, if the kingdom requires it.
But the chancellor spoke one truth, if only one.
We are old, and the Old Wall....
I cannot command the Old Wall with a weakened hand... nor do I have the strength to muster an offensive to turn the tide on this war.
Then let the choice be made, Your Majesty.
What are we to protect?
Help Mother!
How come you never lose your lunch like that?
Just doesn't add up.
Here's this ancient art, secret of the royal family and all that.
Libertus! 
Nyx!
Come here, guys, you gotta see this.
Things were hectic in the capital today... as the Lucian government announced full acceptance... of what some are criticizing as the unilateral peace terms... proposed by Chancellor Izunia of Niflheim.
The signing of the truce will see power over all Lucian territories... transferred to the empire, with the sole exception of Insomnia.
In return, Niflheim guarantees the safety of Insomnia and its citizenry... as well as a cessation to all hostilities... bringing a decisive end to this long and bitter war.
All that fighting we did. 
All for nothing.
Glaives. 
Assemble in the briefing room.
Now.
The king has spoken, and you have heard.
All lands beyond the Wall are to be relinquished to the empire.
Will no regions be spared?
- None.
- But your home's out there too!
It is.
Why would the king do this?
Because it'll end this damn war.
- Crowe.
- Sir!
Prepare to deploy.
You're being sent to infiltrate Tenebrae.
Tenebrae, sir?
Mission details are classified.
Report to my office for briefing in 30 minutes.
And, Nyx....
You're off the West Gate.
You've been reassigned to the castle guard.
That is all.
So this is what you were talking about, Luche?
You heard the captain.
- This wasn't our decision to make.
- Not ours to make?
Those are our homes out there! 
Our people!
You're just gonna go along and abandon them?
If we don't go along with them... the empire will unleash all hell on Insomnia.
- We'll unleash it right back at them!
- Easy, easy.
He's not the enemy.
Don't you get it?
We're nothing to them.
Rats, snuck in from beyond the Wall.
Sure, they had a use for us... when they realized we could work their magic.
So they handpicked us from all the other rats out there... and just let us nibble away at his royal majesty's precious power.
But as soon as this war's all over... it's back to the sewers for all of us.
That means you too, hero.
You missing home so much, Libertus, why don't you and Nyx head on back?
I'm sure Niflheim will welcome you with open arms.
You've got a home out there too.
Or did you forget?
Damn it!
I'm not gonna let it end like this.
It is said sentiment amongst the people is favorable, Your Majesty.
Most all will welcome this peace.
If you yourself have not heard their voices... how can you claim to know their hearts?
What of the mission to Tenebrae, Your Majesty?
Is such clandestine action wise?
If discovered, it will only serve to provoke the empire.
The empire remains our enemy until the treaty is signed.
So long as we are at war...
His Majesty intends to remain one step ahead of them.
Of course.
A hairpin? 
I didn't think you were into that kind of thing.
It's not for me.
It's a gift for the princess.
But keep that quiet.
Nobody's supposed to know.
Well, that's me.
Watch your back out there.
I know you're sick of hearing it, but you're like a little...
Little sister to you.
Yeah, I am sick of hearing it.
Just make sure you come back in one piece, all right?
Says the guy in two pieces.
Lady Lunafreya, I have left the rear gate open.
Thank you.
Must you go?
Yes.
Then go quickly.
I do not recall granting you permission to leave your quarters, Lunafreya.
Ravus.
You are not to leave this room again until the journey to Lucis.
It is for your own good.
My own good?
What is truly going on here?
What cause does the empire have to see me wed to Noctis?
They have offered a peace, and your marriage is the olive branch.
You expect me to believe that?
What you believe does not concern me.
What does concern me is you sneaking off... to go tell our mother's killer about some plot you've dreamt up.
You are wrong to hate King Regis.
Niflheim killed Mother, not him.
They murdered her and made you their lapdog.
It's done.
An air of jubilation has swept the city in anticipation of the coming armistice.
With only three days remaining until the peace is officially signed into effect... throngs of citizens have taken to the streets to show....
Lucis needs your strength, young warriors.
We don't need any of you immigrants.
Whatever strength you have is on loan from the king.
- You are nothing without him.
- Nyx, help Mother.
Selena, get down.
...and the waves of imperial diplomats entering the city.
The princess? 
Are you certain?
Yes, Your Majesty.
She was amongst the last of the imperial contingent to enter the city.
Get in.
I'm reporting to my post now though, sir.
New orders.
Come on. 
We've got a princess to pick up.
Nice ride, sir.
It belongs to the prince.
We've taken him outside the city.
Doesn't he have a wedding to plan, sir?
Cut the "sir" crap.
The king has a plan of his own.
Prince Noctis and Princess Lunafreya are to meet far from Insomnia.
What's she doing here then?
Complicating things.
We sent Crowe to find the princess and escort her out of Tenebrae.
We're still trying to figure out what went wrong.
So I know what you think about this war, but what do you think about this peace?
You happy giving up your home?
It's the king's decision.
I owe him for taking me in.
I was lucky.
There are people in Galahd who weren't.
And they need me.
So you're going back?
What good will you be without the king's magic?
Yeah, always wanting to save somebody.
I get it. 
Believe me.
But it doesn't win wars.
It's not just wanting.
It's not just me.
Libertus is the one you need to worry about.
He'll go back if things gets worse.
The worst is yet to come.
Do you have any idea who you're stopping?
Open this gate now, and maybe you'll have a job tomorrow.
- King's orders.
- Are you sure you want to risk... a diplomatic issue now, of all times?
I am the personal escort of Lady Lunafreya Nox Fleuret... princess of the former Tenebrae and...
And our kingdom's beloved bride-to-be.
Welcome to sovereign jurisdiction.
We'll take care of things from here.
- Forgive me, Captain Drautos.
- See Her Highness to the castle.
I had no idea that you...
I wasn't made aware of any...
- Excuse me. 
Thank you.
- No, you... 
I must...
I must... 
No, I have to clear it with my superiors first.
Your Highness.
Her Royal Highness, Princess Lunafreya of Tenebrae.
It has been a long time, Your Majesty.
Yes.
Far too long.
Prince Noctis isn't here, is he?
No, my dear. 
He is not.
I am too old to fight this war.
I have no choice but to receive the empire and accept their treaty.
Even so...
I had hoped to hold the wedding elsewhere, somewhere safe.
I sent one of my Glaive to see you there, but...
It is not too late.
I can ready an escort.
Please, go to my son.
No.
Wherever I go, the empire will follow.
It would only place the prince in greater danger.
It is my duty to protect the prince and see his destiny fulfilled.
These 12 years have not changed that.
And what of your destiny?
My duty is my destiny, Your Majesty.
I'm prepared to accept whatever may come to pass.
So, what do you think?
All these lands will be imperial soon.
Reckon things will get better when them Niffs start calling the shots?
Not one damn bit.
Don't matter who's calling the shots.
Long as they're calling them from behind the Wall... ain't nothing gonna change around here.
Get over here.
All right.
That's a hand!
I trust the reunion was a happy one?
Has she been a hostage of Niflheim all this time?
She is a symbol of the peace.
That's all I'm told.
Doesn't sound like it.
Sounds like she's here for something much bigger than that.
Your orders are to protect her.
Not to look, not to listen, not to think.
Understood?
Drautos.
Yes, report.
Get the hell out of my way.
That's my friend you got in there, damn it.
Sir, you can't go in until the examination has ended.
What examination?
What the hell's going on?
Hey, take it easy, big guy.
These bastards rushed Crowe in there the moment she got back.
And now they won't let me in to see her.
Wait.
Crowe's personal effects.
Do with them as you see fit.
So, what kind of mission did you really send her on?
No Glaive winds up dead on a standard escort.
I'll see the armistice does not interfere with a full investigation.
She was a good soldier.
Her death will not go unanswered.
What a life, huh?
She was brought up an orphan.
Run out of her village.
I still remember the first time I saw her.
Scrawny little thing... all covered in dirt.
Not a friend in the world.
But those eyes....
Damn.
There was something about those eyes.
She deserved better.
And I would've done anything to give it to...
Libertus, wait.
Crowe died a Glaive.
You can still honor her by fighting as one.
You're dumber than me sometimes, you know that?
Don't you get it?
Lucis killed Crowe.
Go back to the castle.
Tell the king there's no peace to be had from throwing the weak to the wolves.
I'll fight my own fight from here on out.
See you around, hero.
A hairpin?
I didn't think you were into that kind of thing.
It's not for me.
It's a gift for the princess.
A most grand reception, King Regis.
You honor all of Niflheim.
Oh, the honor is ours, Emperor Aldercapt.
You have ventured far to grace us with your presence.
It was the very least I could do.
Tomorrow will be an historic day for both our nations.
And your Insomnia is truly a marvel.
My own cities pale in comparison.
I pray we are able to take away much from this visit.
Hello.
I am afraid we were never properly introduced yesterday.
I'm afraid it's going to have to wait, Your Highness. 
I'm on guard duty.
Then surely there's no safer place for me to be.
May I ask your name?
Nyx. 
Nyx Ulric.
There is something else I wish to ask you, Nyx Ulric.
King Regis said he sent one of your order to come find me.
I should like to offer my thanks in person.
Where might I find this brave soldier?
Oh, I did not...
- I am so sorry.
- Don't be.
Here.
She was carrying this.
It was meant for you.
For me?
Keep it.
She would've wanted you to have it.
I will carry it with me always.
Thank you.
Do you have any idea what this peace means?
It means our homes are gone... all of them... forever.
Heard I could find some treaty haters here.
I come to the right place?
You certainly have.
Everyone say hello to a man who spends his days... in the loyal service of our good king.
"Spent."
Those days are over.
I'm done listening to that bastard's lies.
He may sit on a throne, but he ain't no king... least not of mine.
Well, then... welcome to the resistance, brother.
I hope you're here to talk.
What do you wanna know?
Please... wherever Noctis is, keep him safe.
That is all I ask.
To what god do you pray?
You, the slave of fate and destiny.
Abandon your prayers.
The gods do not listen.
General Glauca. 
Why are you here?
You are far too clever to have ever believed in this peace.
Pity you couldn't see your beloved Noctis.
You have another purpose.
- I'm not here for Niflheim.
- No.
You are here for me.
You?
I do not understand.
Come tomorrow, you will.
Niflheim contingent has left the hotel.
Less than three hours until the ceremony.
Bolster the Citadel guard.
Nyx, is the princess with you?
No.
I'm on duty at the Citadel.
Well, the Niffs just left for the ceremony.
And she wasn't with them.
- A homing beacon?
- Yeah, I'll send the coordinates now.
Can you pinpoint a location for me?
Sure, but it sounds like a wild-goose chase.
Guess you got some free time on your hands, huh?
Guess I do, for better or worse.
Those coordinates are about 20 miles south of Insomnia.
Outside the Wall.
What the hell was Crowe doing all the way out there?
No, no. 
They sent her to...
I need another favor, Pelna.
Pull those coordinates up on the radar and let me know what you find.
On it. 
You're thinking this is all a big deal now, huh?
Yeah, too big to ignore.
- Excuse me, sir. 
Excuse me.
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Whoa, wait a minute.
- Stop right there.
Listen up. 
This is not the gate watch.
This is the heart of our city, the home of our king.
The ceremony must not be disturbed.
Neutralize any threat quickly and quietly.
Is that understood?
Yes, sir.
Glaive to command. 
Are you there, captain?
Urgent.
Damn it, Drautos.
Jackpot, Nyx. 
There's a whole fleet of airships sitting at that spot.
- Niflheim.
- Yup, and from the looks of it...
I'd say they're headed to war.
- Where's the captain?
- Should be at the Citadel.
There's no answer on his frequency.
I don't know, must have his hands full with the escort detail.
Pelna, one last favor.
I need you to prep the Glaive for action.
What are you talking about?
You wanna deploy without the captain's order?
Trust me. 
Just get it done.
Wait, what am I supposed to tell...?
Stand down, Glaive.
The ceremony is in less than two hours.
We must make ready.
Very well.
Your Majesty.
A man of the Kingsglaive is here, sire.
He demands an audience.
"Demands"?
- Your Majesty, please.
- Halt.
Give the order to deploy the Glaive.
You.
A Niflheim fleet makes ready for war 20 miles to the south.
An imperial fleet.
And they have the princess.
Clarus, post guards outside the treaty room.
It will be seen as a lack of faith in the peace.
Which we all harbor.
See it done.
We may well have to take Emperor Aldercapt into custody.
Detain him?
That would go beyond a new declaration of war.
We are still at war, Clarus.
And you, Nyx Ulric.
How soon can the Kingsglaive deploy?
On your word, at once.
Go, then.
Save Luna.
What if this is a diversion?
Not likely.
Tenebrae's princess is onboard.
We've got two jobs.
Save her.
And stop those Niff ships from flying on Insomnia.
We go in teams.
Standard infiltrate and extract.
Nyx, you command. 
We'll follow.
The Glaive stands together, captain or no.
For hearth.
And home!
We are less than 20 minutes away from the signing of this historic treaty.
I received word of the king's order to deploy.
I'll see to matters in the city.
You have your mission, and it won't be easy.
The objective is two-fold.
Secure the hostage, and stay the enemy advance.
Just be careful.
One Glaive already died for this princess.
Niflheim won't give her up easily.
Team Two.
Oh, man.
Hurry up, Nyx!
Help!
Over here.
Preparing to head below deck.
Do not engage the enemy until instructed.
The ceremony is underway.
Let's wait and see how Niflheim plays this.
The Kingsglaive have infiltrated the ships.
So everything's going according to plan.
Ulric reporting. 
Six Niflheim airships confirmed inbound for Insomnia.
Nyx, this doesn't feel like a war fleet.
I think I might've found her.
I got a guarded door here.
Two Niff MTs. 
What's the plan?
Hold position.
Arrived at destination.
High possibility of target in the vicinity.
Proceed to secure.
It's going to mean a fight.
Keep it quiet and keep it confined.
Pelna, you're clear to engage.
But keep it quiet.
I'm on my way.
Forgive my delay.
A bit of unforeseen trouble.
Nothing too vexing, I hope.
A simple theft, nothing more.
A daring thief, to steal from the king.
Perhaps magical walls and castle gates do not keep all things safe.
Perhaps.
But no matter. 
That which was taken will soon be returned.
Impressive.
You are a paragon of kingly composure.
But I must ask... how can you be so sure?
Because this thing is no mere trinket.
It possesses a will all its own.
Enough to break any thief's grasp.
That sounds a very fine prize indeed.
Not now, damn it.
For me? 
You shouldn't have.
Target confirmed. 
She's unharmed.
The Glaives have recovered the princess, Your Majesty.
Have you found your thief?
We have.
And what was stolen remains intact.
Joyous news.
I am relieved to hear it.
Tell me... how heavy a sentence... does the crime of theft carry in your empire?
Among the heaviest.
Although there is one... exception.
Things are about to get ugly over here.
Pelna, get out of there. 
It's a trap.
- What is that?
- A curious old law...
I still permit in the outlands.
A thief who escapes his captor... can no longer be held to account for his crime.
A warning to the victim.
Never show weakness, lest you forgo the hand of justice.
Oh, no, good king.
Far from it.
The treaty is now on the table.
The countdown begins to this historical moment.
It is a warning to the hand of justice itself... never to loose its grip.
Unit One, secure the perimeter.
Unit Two, stand your ground.
Pelna.
One Tenebrae princess, safe and...
Come on.
The crystal. 
They're after the crystal.
There's something going on below deck.
The ship's not going to make it to Insom...
You....
What's going on?
Insomnia is under attack.
Who brought you here?
- General Glauca.
- You were bait.
Us coming here was all part of their plan.
Target secured.
Request permission to withdraw.
Granted. 
Get to...
The crystal will not serve you.
Nor you... once I take it from this accursed city.
It's not the crystal I'm here for.
The Wall. 
It's gone.
Fall back. 
It's a trap.
What the hell is going on?
Traitors.
What's got into you?
Come, we must escape while we can.
No, Clarus.
I fear escape is no longer an option.
General Glauca.
Can you make it up? 
Can you stand?
Luche!
What are you doing?
You gotta be kidding me.
They teach piloting back at the royal academy?
Give me that.
Been a long time since I fought at your side, old friend.
Yes... but this time it is not your fight.
If you wish to leave, go now.
And abandon my king? 
I think not.
Besides, our magic is bound to you.
If you fall, Lucis falls.
Then let us once more into the fray... old friend.
You must take me back to King Regis.
Are you out of your mind?
Insomnia's a war zone.
I have a duty. 
I cannot neglect it.
- Yeah, I heard all that before.
- Then you know we must hurry.
Hurry to do what? 
Get yourself killed?
I do not fear death.
Enough with all this brave princess act.
Just pray this thing will make the trip.
Clarus.
Well, I daresay everything has proceeded according to plan.
- No?
- So it has.
We have broken the Wall.
All that remains is to break the city.
Shall we take our leave, then?
The sun will soon set.
We need not be here to witness the terrors of the night.
The crystal.
You're going too fast. 
We have to land.
- You're gonna have to give me a minute.
- There is no time. 
I will go on my own.
You got wings underneath that dress?
You can't use magic.
Not all miracles are made by magic.
I do not fear death.
What I fear is doing nothing and losing everything.
Oh, come on.
You can thank magic for that miracle, Your Highness.
The reckoning is at hand.
Dawn of a new age.
You have the crystal.
What more would you take from me?
The Ring of the Lucii.
I lost my mother, my country, my birth-right.
Niflheim was the only life left to me.
But all of that was for this.
The ring belongs to me now.
Hear me, Lucian kings of old, for I am Ravus Nox Fleuret... and none is more worthy of your power than I.
No. 
Why?
Why do you refuse me?
Look out.
Quickly, through here.
This leads to a hidden passageway.
Follow it.
Once you are away, make for Altissia.
Noctis awaits you there.
- Your Majesty.
- You knew this was coming...
Yes. 
But it was the only way to draw their wrath from Noctis.
Is that the way of our king?
Sacrifice Lucian sons to save his own?
To save the world.
See Luna safely to Altissia.
This is not an order from a king to his Glaive.
This is a plea from one man to another.
Please, Nyx Ulric, keep her safe.
For the future of all.
The future?
Here.
Take this.
It is time it passed to another's keeping.
No, please. 
Stop.
- Get back.
- Please. 
Don't leave us.
I know your mother would wish the same as me.
That you and Noctis live happily.
All those years captive because I failed you.
Not again.
Locked doors will seal your fate no longer.
King Regis....
Our hope goes with you now, Nyx Ulric. 
Godspeed.
Behold the King of Lucis... who hoarded tranquility within his precious walls.
Where is your tranquility now, king?
Here is your peace, by steel's swift descent.
Go.
No. 
We must get away from here.
It is what your king wanted.
Lady Lunafreya has escaped with the ring.
Find her at once.
She is not to leave the city.
- Ulric to command. 
Come in, captain.
- Footage of the perpetrators... was captured by a nearby surveillance camera.
Here are images of the six suspects.
One has been identified as Galahdian refugee, Libertus Ostium... a former member of the Lucian Kingsglaive.
Hey, come here. 
Come here.
I got you, I got you. 
You're all right.
You're okay.
It's fine.
We're free.
We're free now.
We're free? 
What do you mean, "We're free"?
The empire. 
They promised.
This district's ours.
All the refugees.
It's our new home.
- The empire? 
You went in with Niflheim?
- Here.
Take this. 
Meet up with the others.
You're the hero of our revolution, brother.
Damn it.
This guy just doesn't know when he's beat.
- Can you drive?
- I can try.
I'll be right back.
No warping for you this time, hero.
Give me the wheel. 
Go.
You are without your magic.
You noticed that, huh?
It must have died with the king.
You're making a mess of my city, Glaive.
I thought I told you not to go playing hero.
Leave the ship to me.
Looks like you got a royal fare to see to.
Move it.
Maybe not all miracles are made by magic.
Oh, great.
The hell did you do to piss these things off?
It's not me they're after. 
It's the ring.
What's so special about this ring?
Don't tell me the future's riding on it.
He who wears the ring communes with the Lucii...
- ...and commands great power.
- What kind of power?
A forbidden one.
Sealed within the ring, long ago.
The Old Wall.
I thought that was just a bedtime story.
I can assure you it is not.
But the Lucii grant their power only to those they deem worthy.
So that guy who tried it on back there...
I guess he wasn't deemed worthy.
That was my brother.
These 12 years have changed Ravus.
He is bound by the past, and lost in his lust for power.
How the hell did they find us?
Your hairpin. 
They're tracking it.
Give it to me.
I had a little sister once.
She was killed when the empire came.
I couldn't save her.
I was as helpless then as I am now.
I couldn't show her the future she wanted.
True power is not something that is found by those who seek it.
It is something that comes to those who deserve it.
Your sister wanted you to see a future as well.
Anyone would wish the same for family they love.
You don't pull any punches, do you?
I'm over here.
Do you hear me? 
Repeat, this is Drautos.
Can you hear me? 
Over.
Your timing's impeccable, captain.
If the Lucii are real... they sure don't seem to mind their city getting torn apart.
You're to rendezvous and regroup.
Understood?
Might not be so easy, captain.
My wings have been clipped, if you didn't know.
Ulric. 
Are you all right?
I'm not dead, if that's what you mean, sir.
Head for Section D as soon as you can.
I'll have an evacuation team ready.
Don't suppose you could meet me at the gate.
I'd kind of like to get the hell out of this city.
Imperials hold all exits.
There's no way through.
I'll meet you at Section D.
Cut all radio contact until then.
And make sure you get there.
It's a date, sir.
Ain't no turning back now.
Status report.
Ulric killed some good men.
- What about the ring?
- We don't have it yet.
This is Glauca. 
King Regis is dead.
The ring is on its way to Section D.
We must recover the ring to realize our goal.
If Ulric or the princess get in the way, take them out.
Reclaim our hearth and home.
"Hearth and home"?
Libertus, come in.
Where are you? 
Are you all right?
I'm fine.
On the way back to base now.
We need you to head to the junction in Section D.
We're gonna join with another unit, make a clean sweep of the place.
We're one step away from realizing this revolution.
Let's not let Pruvia's death be in vain.
We'll be waiting for you, hero.
- Don't move until I say it's safe, all right?
- I won't.
Ulric, reporting.
I have the princess.
She's alive and well.
- No!
- Get out of here.
You've got some fight in you, Nyx, I'll give you that.
Run. 
Now.
I can't believe you're still moving with that hollowpoint in you.
All Crowe could do was scream, when one tore her insides apart.
- Why'd you do it?
- Because the Kingsglaive is nothing.
An old man's battle fodder... sent to die in Insomnia's war... while our homes are bound and shackled.
Niflheim took your home.
Took all our homes!
Nothing will ever change that.
You never were too smart.
You could've had a new future with the empire.
There's nowhere to run, princess.
The ring.
Give it to me.
So many dead over so simple a thing.
But why? 
For what?
Power.
Untold power, beyond the control of someone like you.
Power....
Captain.
Nyx.
It's over. 
The daemons are unleashed.
Lucis is fallen.
Surrender the ring.
Plan on giving those kings a piece of your mind, princess?
You got a destiny to take care of here, remember?
Besides, didn't anyone tell you?
I'm the hero around here.
Show yourselves, kings of Lucis.
You call upon the wards of this world's future, mortal.
And if you come lusting for our power, you must first stand in our judgment.
How long will you do nothing whilst Insomnia burns?
Old or new, or whatever it is.
Summon your Wall.
You do not command us.
Yours is not even royal blood.
It does not fall to us to guard your city.
Man is a fool creature... clinging to his past and cowering from his future.
Wasting his strength on bygone days.
And what future are you wards of?
So shortsighted.
And cursed never to rise above it.
Wait.
I have seen what this brave soul is prepared to do.
He, too, seeks to safeguard the future.
Your Majesty.
Very well, young king.
We will weigh your warrior's worth.
But our boon does not come cheap.
The cost is a life. 
His or hers.
No.
To hell with your power.
I'm not here for it.
I only came to tell you, you are no kings.
Your worth has been weighed and found wanting.
Now burn.
You're going to lose your precious ring.
But it's not too late to save it.
You mean to barter for your life.
No, no.
My life is nothing.
Giving a future to those who want to see it... is everything.
You do not fear, even if that future is doomed.
If that sentiment is not false, perhaps you are worthy.
We will grant you our light.
But know it will set when the sun rises.
And the price for it will be your life.
You guys drive a hard bargain.
Where do I sign?
I could get used to this.
Nyx....
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be.
You saved me.
Now I owe you.
For a change.
I'm gonna need another favor.
Meet Lunafreya Nox Fleuret, our prince's beloved bride-to-be.
And she has the future of the world in her hands.
Keep her safe, get her out of Insomnia.
Oh, I almost forgot. 
You'll need this.
Give Prince Noctis my regards.
Libertus will take care of you from here.
Have a safe journey, Your Highness.
- What will come of you?
- What the hell are you doing?
Following the kings' orders.
I will see the ring to Noctis.
The future will be safe. 
I swear it.
Planning on punching your way out of the city? 
Keep it.
- Now we're even.
- No.
We'll settle up once you're back in Galahd.
Me and everyone else will be waiting for you.
I'm counting on you... hero.
- Buckle up, princess.
- My life is in your hands.
So, the power of the Lucii returns.
No matter. 
You are out of time.
For you, I'll make some.
What can you hope to do?
One man against an empire.
Against the daemons.
How will you save Insomnia with no wall to protect you?
You've got it all wrong.
I'm not fighting to save Insomnia.
So this is the might of the Old Wall.
Marvelous. 
Truly marvelous.
Why'd you do it?
Lucis. 
Niflheim.
It isn't who we fight for that matters, only what.
We fight for our homes.
That is where our allegiance lies.
That's not something you see every day.
Oh, such a pitiable waste.
All those beautiful city streets, all laid to unsightly ruin.
- I will return to Niflheim.
- So soon?
The crystal is ours.
Finish this... and see the daemons disposed of.
As you command.
Such a pitiable waste.
How could you serve the empire?
After everything they did?
I do not fault them for taking what was given.
I fault the man who gave it.
The man who cowered behind his wall... and abandoned us to save his throne and his son.
Give me the ring, and our homes will be free again.
The empire has promised it.
I don't see much of a future on the other side of that promise.
Don't be a fool.
Save your friends.
Give your dead sister peace.
What do you fight for if not that?
Hang on. 
This could get bumpy.
Drautos.
Here, take the wheel.
Floor it!
- Libertus!
- Just keep your foot on the gas.
You're all right?
I'll be waiting for you, hero.
What of your kings' power now?
They've given you a burden you cannot hope to bear.
I told you before.
Just wanting doesn't win wars.
For the honor of my home, I fought and killed under a king I loathed.
And still he betrayed me.
He betrayed us all.
We fought for the same thing. 
All of us.
But you've looked too long on the past.
You're blind to the future.
Predictable.
Unlike you, I learn from history.
But you're a slave to the past.
A man's past is his pride.
No.
My pride is shaping the future.
Looks like I'm gonna owe him big.
We're almost there.
Almost.
King Regis did what he did for the future.
Because of him... there's still hope for our homes.
Hope....
Not the worst way to go.
Rule well, young king.
We should move.
It ain't safe here either.
Hey.
Don't worry about Nyx.
He can take care of himself.
Come on.
No.
We must part ways here.
What?
I can hardly travel in secrecy alongside so great a hero.
And I, too, have a promise to keep to Nyx.
I pray you two see each other again soon.
Yeah.
Me too.
Thank you, Libertus.
Hey, queen!
You and the king are always welcome in Galahd.
Me and Nyx will be waiting for you.
It's been some while.
Do you remember the last time you saw Lady Lunafreya?
About 12 years ago.
That would make you 8?
Bunny.
Do I need to carry you also?
Yo, Scholar!
What are you calculating? 
Let's go!
Naina! 
What will Ganpatiji do without you in Manali?
I've never been anywhere alone before.
Then come now!
Trust me, nothing will happen...
It'll be fun!
Come on.
Okay.
Are you stalking me?
Oh shut up, Aditi.
Aditi fantasizes about all the girls in the world stalking her.
I'm going to kill you.
Remember, Aditi? 
We used to toss to sit behind Topper Naina!
Whoever won was guaranteed to pass his exams!
Superb! 
- Aye Naina?
Please eat! 
Come on eat!
Hi guys...
Got a knife?
Knife! 
Yes! 
Definitely! 
One second.
Right here somewhere!
Don't have. 
Sorry.
I should've brought bananas...
I've got a knife.
Give me...
What'll you give me in return?
What would you like?
Your name.
Lara...
Bunny.
You know, like, Bugs Bunny?
Oh my God! 
That's so cute!
Hi! 
I'm Avi!
Hi...
Are you guys also going for this trek to Manali?
If that's where you'll be, where else could we go?
And what will this fruit do for you, darling?
Come, let's have lunch?
Yeah... 
We have ham and cheese sandwiches...
Are you sure?
Oh I'm very sure...
Sharing is caring...
Okay I'll go get my friends!
Priti! 
Esha!
Yes! 
She's got friends!
How dare you offer her my sandwiches?
!
What now?
"Sharing is caring..."
You should be happy, Aditi!
There's three of them!
One for Bunny, one for me and one for you!
Aditi, please change the song!
It's so boring!
Ladies... and bro.
Let's get this party started!
Drinks!
Okay now we're going to play my favourite game...
It's called I Never!
Hey that's my favorite game!
Same pinch, cuckoo.
Come on, everyone take a drink and let's start... 
Scholar Naina!
No, you guys play...
Now that you're here, you have to play. 
Here!
Actually, I don't drink alcohol.
WHAT?
Would the bottles not topple if the high were in the liquor?
Meaning?
Nothing. 
Here...
Take this Appy.
Today we'll make you Happy on Appy!
Okay, everyone knows the rules, right?
I'm going to say something that I've never done...
Like... 
I've never sat in a rickshaw.
Everyone who's done it has to take a sip of his or her drink. 
Cool?
Very good!
Let's start!
Okay, I'll start.
I've never been in love.
Every day.
Every single day.
Bunny?
You've never been in love?
No... 
- What? 
- But I think that's about to change...
Please! 
Bunny only loves himself.
Naina? 
- No.
Okay.
I've never... watched porn.
Every day!
But Naina you're a biology student!
Even then you haven't seen?
I've never been arrested!
Drunk driving!
Beating up a watchman!
Rave party!
I was there too!
Peeing on the sidewalk.
No.
Okay, my turn...
I've never been kissed.
Oh we can change that right now.
I'm going to sleep, guys... 
Goodnight.
Aye not yet. 
Your turn!
No... 
Please.
Can I use the seat for a bit, Bunny?
Of course.
Thanks.
Okay I've never hit on a friend's mom!
That's because he hits on their dads!
Aditi...
Aditi, wake up!
Adi, we are going to see Manali.
Wake up.
I'm too sleepy, Bunny!
Bunny, I'll break your face!
Screw you!
Come on.
Aditi...
What a pretty bride!
Wish I could marry her myself.
What?
!
Just think...
She'll say something and I won't understand.
Then I'll say something and she'll blush without understanding...
Dude, she's not French.
She must know basic hindi.
Besides, she's a kid!
She should be playing games, not managing a house!
Really? 
How do YOU know?
This is normal in small towns.
The second you finish school, they want to get you married.
Arranged marriages suck, dude!
You're going to have a love marriage then?
Obvio!
It's still illegal for two girls to get married in India you'll have to go to New York, Aditi!
What?
That poor girl has been sentenced for life and you'll are cracking jokes.
Come on, dude.
Today is the last you'll see her smile.
In two years you'll find her chasing her husband with a gun outside this temple!
Bridezilla attacks!
Ignore him, Naina.
Bunny's allergic to marriage.
True.
Naina, tell me something.
If I make you eat the same boring food everyday... would you be able to?
Huh?
Marriage is like boiled food for 50 years till you die.
Life's gotta have some spicy curry... hamburgers and hakka noodles!
The basic concept of marriage is flawed.
Better to never get married than do it 5-6 times.
Five - six times!
Too few, no?
What if you want kids?
What do kids have to do with it?
!
We can make kids right now.
Come behind this temple.
I'll show you.
Idiot!
How many do you want?
I can make twins also!
She's feeling bad, man!
What all are you praying for?
Okay ask for me also!
A private jet...
A penthouse apartment in New York two Spanish girlfriends...
Even better if they're twins!
Ask!
Hey! 
What are you doing?
Why did you touch me?
Excuse me?
You're drunk, you pervert!
What?
! 
Have you seen your face?
I'm not blind!
Shut up, Avi!
You cheapo!
Aye, who are you calling names?
What? 
- I can think of a few for you!
Back off. 
You don't know who I am.
You don't know who I am.
Back off. 
Move!
Hey hero...
Drunk loser.
You...
Say sorry.
Say sorry.
Sorry.
Good. 
Learn to keep your cool.
Get lost.
Are you okay?
You okay, bro?
Guys!
Come on!
You think we're scared of you?
You guys don't know my friends!
We'll beat each one of you to pulp!
Ready, bro?
Ready. 
- Ready.
One... two...
Jai Mata Di! 
- Jai Mata Di!
Catch them!
Aditi, come on!
- Why are we running away?
!
Catch her! 
She's with them!
Don't let them escape!
Scholar, run!
Avi, what are you doing?
Move!
You go that way.
Help!
Let's run!
Leave me. 
- Aditi, what are you doing?
Come, you idiots!
I'm going to hit you so hard no doctor will be able to fix you!
Aditi come on man...
Oh God, I'm so sorry! 
I'm sorry!
Come on, RUN!
What's going on? 
- Careful.
What is this mess you've gotten me into?
Relax, scholar.
I have a plan.
This is a very stupid idea!
Wait and watch!
Oh no!
You fool! 
Look at what you've done!
- Sorry, Uncle! 
Sorry!
We'll attack them from behind!
Aditi, you'll get us all killed!
Let me have one shot at them...
Please shhh!
I'll beat them so badly they won't be able to recognize each other!
Booze!
Hey! 
They're hiding over here!
Hey! 
Come on, you!
Aditi... 
- Hurry up!
Bunny! 
Naina! 
- Where have you been?
!
Oh no! 
- Naina, sit!
No you don't!
They're behind us!
Get out of the way!
Hurry up. 
Come on!
Superb, Naina!
Good morning, everyone!
Our trek is finally about to begin!
Just for fun, I thought that we should make two teams and have a race to the campsite.
The team to reach the camp first, wins.
The losing team has to put up the tents and make dinner the winning team gets to chill! 
Cool?
Who wants to be Captain?
You guys! 
Come on!
Come on. 
- Idiots!
Bunny! 
You're just sitting here!
We have to win!
Beating Bunny at trekking isn't just impossible...
It's Mission Impossible.
Don't worry, baby doll... 
Relax!
Oh good!
My body wasn't made for this stress...
Look what happened!
Oh no, baby!
Such a deep wound!
We should go to the hospital!
Really?
!
But... how...
One second.
Come cuckoo.
What is this you're doing?
This is the...
Ajinomotato plant.
It's very good for your skin.
Oh really!
Then can you put some on my face?
Here...
Go ahead.
Bunny...
Yes, baby...
Who is that up there?
Bunny! 
Who IS that?
My mother!
Oh.
I didn't know his mother was on this trek.
Naina, listen...
Just wait one second...
Let me win this race? 
Please?
Look at the state you're in!
I'll easily beat you.
Come on, Naina.
You used to be first in everything in school...
Let me win here... 
PLEASE.
It's your own fault.
You can't win if you spend all your time massaging girls' legs.
It's called 'flirting'...
It's good for health like YOGA!
Seriously?
Have you come here to climb mountains or girls?
That poor innocent girl has hurt herself so badly!
Oh ya I've never seen a more innocent girl than her in my life!
Don't you like Lara?
Look at her!
How perfectly she sways her hips...
Toing toing toing!
That's not all she's swaying!
That's true.
Naina!
Okay, listen!
Listen?
You're right.
Now sit down for a minute.
Sit. 
Please.
You're right.
I know she's a bit silly.
But I can't flirt with girls like you... so I have to make do with her.
Girls like me?
Girls like you aren't made for flirting you're made for love!
And love is very bad for my health.
Bunny!
Bunny!
You cheat!
Try losing sometimes, Naina...
It has a magic of its own!
I'm going to complain to the camp instructor!
This isn't school, Naina!
Ladies and gents!
Let's go!
Where to?
To a party, where else!
Group of Germans has set up camp and we're invited!
What are we waiting for?
But why man?
!
Shut up and come.
How are the girls?
Dynamite!
How sad!
No one ate your parathas!
Pack them up!
You shouldn't poke around in the dark...
You never know what you'll find!
Seriously?
You're studying?
If you've managed to zip up, please leave.
Why aren't you coming?
I have no interest in your stupid party.
Liar.
You're dying to come.
Not at all!
Bunny!
Give it back, Bunny!
Bunny, give me my book!
Then be honest...
Do you want to come, or not?
Yes.
Then what's the problem?
You won't understand.
These things are easy for you.
What's easy?
This...
Going to parties, making friends...
You've always been like this.
Even in school 'the cool guy'...
everyone's favourite...
But do you remember what I was like in school?
I had no friends, Bunny.
I just sat in a corner, and studied.
Bunking classes making fun of teachers chilling with friends...
I couldn't do it then and I can't do it now...
Because... 
I'm boring!
You're very cool, Naina.
The way you showed up on this trip last minute with 25 strangers all alone...
That needs guts.
You fight off thugs, leave me behind in races, sing mad songs...
You're a full hindi film hero, dude!
Just stop feeling so bad for yourself and start loving who you are.
You're fine just the way you are.
There is one problem, though.
You don't smile enough.
Do you know how dangerous your smile is?
If I had a heart,
I'd have lost it to your smile ages ago.
Naina are you planning to let go of my hand?
So guys, this is Khipshi Pass.
Our trek's highest point!
Finally!
We'll be setting up camp here tonight...
So you guys can relax!
Hey, Sumer!
What's up there?
That? 
That's Bhuta Mountain.
Let's go there!
What a view it'll be!
Bhuta...
Does anyone know what 'Bhuta' means? 
- No.
Bhuta means haunted.
According to the village elders, there used to be an old temple of the God 'Bhairav'.
They said any wish made there on a full moon night, would come true.
Hundreds of people would go there in search of this magic but no one ever returned.
The temple no longer stands...
But they say on every full moon night, thousands of spirits gather there...
Hoping for some kind of miracle to occur.
Interesting thing is that tonight... is a full moon night.
Still interested in that view?
What if the camp is haunted?
They say ghosts love the colour red...
And you...
Hey, Priti!
What's wrong, babe?
I'm right here!
I know all the chants to get rid of ghosts.
Yeah, his father's an exorcist.
I want to go home!
I'm dying to get off this stupid mountain!
I'm going to order 10 pizzas the second I'm home.
I'm sick of eating Maggi noodles!
You know I haven't washed my hair in three days!
As soon as I get home...
I'm going to take a long bubble bath!
I'm only waiting to get away from Avi's snoring.
Get used to it, bro!
What are you going to do when we're roommates?
!
Roommates?
Yeah dude.
We'll rent an apartment and set it up... like that TV show F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
Lara come take bubble baths anytime!
What happened?
You can stay in my room.
I'll get us a King-sized bed.
What if you snore?
Test drive tonight?
You'll get the best sleep of your life.
Boo!
You shouldn't poke around in the dark, you never know what you'll find!
What are you doing here, Naina?
Come on!
If there really was a temple here, I have something to ask for.
Want to sit?
No no...
I don't get tired...
Not you,
I'm tired. 
Okay?
Got any booze?
WHAT?
!
It's freezing... 
Just a little?
You're full of surprises tonight.
Don't tell anyone, okay?
Okay, enough... 
Control...
It's really nice! 
What is it?
Lugdi!
Made from fermented rice...
Manali's famous for it and for Lugdi, apples, trout and... marijuana.
How do you know all this?
I'm not as stupid as I look.
Wait.
Read this.
Venice...
London...
Bunny, what is this?
This is my dream.
I want to see every corner of the world, Naina.
All this will take a lifetime to do!
When will you do everything else?
!
What else is there?
Student at 22, employed at 25, husband at 26 father at 30, retired at 60 and then wait for your death.
Who wants to lead such an ordinary life?
!
So then...
what do you want from life, Bunny?
Adventure... madness...
Every day so exciting that I can feel my blood rushing in my veins!
I want to fly, Naina!
I want to run, I'll even fall...
I just never want to... stop.
Like climbing this mountain...
It's just a random experience for you but for me...
This is what I love for.
I got carried away, didn't I?
I never even say stuff like this to Avi and Aditi...
Why am I telling YOU?
What would I know?
!
You never even said hi to me in school.
Okay then... 
I'll say it now...
Hi Naina.
Hi...
How are you, Naina?
There truly was something miraculous about that mountain and that miracle... was love.
I had never before felt this kind of happiness...
I was in love...
And I wanted to scream and tell the world but most of all, I wanted to tell him...
I don't know if there was ever a temple here...
But I still made a wish...
A very simple wish...
In fact, just one word...
Bunny.
Hey Naina!
Aye scholar!
Who scholar?
!
If only this night would never end.
Bunny, I have something to tell you...
I...
Bunny!
Bunny!
Bunny?
Adi!
Aditi are you okay?
Yeah. 
- Bunny!
What is this?
Where did you find that?
Read this.
You're ruining my surprise, man.
Surprise?
How could you keep something like this from us?
This IS the surprise and I wanted to break it to you guys together at the end of this trip!
You mean... you're leaving?
Journalism Program...
Accepted at Northwestern University...
Chicago.
Scholarship letter?
Yes.
Yours?
Yeah man... mine.
You're really going?
No I keep the envelope around because it matches my shirt.
So... when are you leaving?
In three weeks.
You should've told me before, man...
I'd have applied too!
And our apartment, liquor store...
all cancelled?
Avi! 
We couldn't really have run a liquor store!
What crap, Bunny!
What'll he do without us?
You'll drive yourself mad alone for 4 years in America!
You'll come running back!
Say something, Aditi!
Bunny, you should go!
You should definitely go!
How long can we go on like this?
We're growing up.
We need to stop being teenagers.
Congratulations, Bunny.
Avi...
I was going to tell you first, man.
Dad doesn't even know yet.
Forget it, man.
Congratulations!
You're happy, right? 
That's it.
Let's drink to this in the bus.
What?
What?
I'm scared...
Scared? 
You?
Life's going to change...
So?
My friends...
Aren't too happy, are they?
Who knows what Dad will say?
America's... far.
I'll be alone there.
And here?
Here... 
Feels nice.
But...
But?
But I...
But you you want to fly you want to run...
And what else?
I want to fall, too.
You can't eat boiled food all your life.
You I want to explore every corner of the world.
This scholarship will take me closer to my dreams.
I have to go, Naina!
I know.
You'll miss me?
Nah.
You were about to say something...
Just that the night has ended.
I couldn't tell him.
Just couldn't say it.
As much as I loved him he loved his dreams that much more.
I was hurt, but I was also grateful...
Grateful for the whole hoard of memories I was taking with me that I can never forget...
Those days, those nights...
The laughter, the madness, the friendship...
Bunny.
He chased after his dreams so hard that he was gone from our lives in the blink of an eye.
It's been 8 years he never turned back and I didn't wait for him to.
You want something?
You think you're a smart guy, you dog?
Come on, what are you doing?
Take this!
Hi everyone! 
This is Riyana Sarai for Fox Traveller!
We're back with another exciting episode of Traveller Weekends!
I am standing in of the one of the most romantic cities in the world...
Welcome to Paris!
What you looking at, Kabir?
Time pass us by.
Wow.
"Time passing us by..."
There's something about speaking Hindi in a foreign land...
I don't know why, Kabir...
but you're making me miss home today.
Liar. 
Like you really miss home.
I do, but then I forget.
Me and you are basically the same.
People like us are vagabonds...
For us, to wander is to live...
And that's why, the moment we're back in San Francisco you'll leave our company.
Am I right, or am I right?
Riya... 
To get somewhere, you have to leave something behind...
It's best to leave things at the right time...
Or you'll be left with too many regrets...
Any idea what you'll do? 
Any plans?
The plan is... to not have a plan.
I'll figure something out or else I'll trick someone like you into hiring me.
Wait...
The channel wants to launch a new show for the European market...
Kind of like a...
reality travel show!
The host will live in some world famous cities for 3 months and we'll shoot his experiences.
First year's line up starts with Paris, then Tokyo, Istanbul, and we end in Berlin!
And you want me to shoot this show?
No...
I want you to host it.
Shut up!
Woah woah woah...
You're perfect, man.
You're smart, you're confident...
You're charming enough to make people forget what an ass you really are!
Listen, jokes apart...
travel is your life!
Trust me... 
You're perfect!
What is there to consider, Kabir?
Say yes, babe!
Trust me, when you... 
Yes!
Yes!
Yes! 
- Say it again? 
Say it again?
Are you serious?
! 
- I can't hear you.
Yes! 
- I can't hear you!
YES!
YES!
These stupid courier guys returned my package and completely ruined my plans to surprise you!
But no problem, I have a plan B!
How do I look?
Long hair, French manicure, ladies' jewelry...
Don't laugh, you idiot!
I'm sending you this video... in these beautiful clothes so that you miss me just a little bit and come for my wedding!
Yeah, man!
I'm getting married! 
Me! 
Aditi!
The whole nine yards too...
Destination wedding in Udaipur...
20th to 25th December...
Can't believe it? 
Me either!
Look...
I know you're very busy your life is amazing, you're extremely cool and you don't like coming to India...
But... 
Please come?
I'm losing my mind here.
Can you believe it? 
We grew up!
Okay... 
love you. 
Bye.
I was so sure you wouldn't come...
Me too... but you'd never let me live it down if I missed your wedding.
How are you?
How do I look?
What happened with the bar deal?
What always happens it sank!
The investors said they couldn't bear the loss.
All that bar needs is a little renovation...
Anyway, never mind.
Never mind?
How much money do you need?
Two hundred crores! 
You have?
!
If I did, I'd give it to you in a second.
I didn't even take money from my own father...
Now why did you do that?
Because he didn't give me any!
He said giving me any money is as good as flushing it down the toilet!
It's 8 o'clock, Avi.
Don't drink so much...
Please!
Don't get married, Aditi! 
Please!
Not this nonsense again...
What do you see in this oaf?
Taran.
His name is Taran.
He's a bit strange.
Not at all!
Taran?
Taran!
Taran!
Hi Aditi... 
Hi!
You're looking beautiful!
What are you doing?
!
My engagement ring fell into the pool! 
I'm saving it!
Baby, just get out, someone else will get it!
No, Aditi!
I won't let our ring drown this way!
Will he live or should I throw him a float?
Got it!
Great! 
Now come on out!
Avi!
Aditi... 
Avi's here!
So happy you came!
Baby, come on!
We're going to be late!
Didn't I tell you Avi would definitely come?
May you have many fat children!
And now to tell you about Aditi...
Aditi's best friend...
Naina! 
Over to you, Naina.
So one day, Aditi randomly said...
I'm going to meet a boy.
I was like... arranged marriage? 
You?
"I'm bored!" she said.
He's an engineer or something...
Maybe he'll be entertaining?
!
Barely a month later, Aditi called again...
"I'm getting married."
To who?
!
That same boy... 
The engineer.
You know... a few years ago, Aditi and I went on a trek together.
I didn't think we'd keep in touch when we returned.
Then, one night my phone rang.
"Open the door"
...and there she was...
Aditi.
Beer in hand and cigarettes in her pocket.
She listened to rock music. 
I put on my earplugs and went to sleep.
And that's when I realized...
we were friends.
I've seen it all. 
Stubborn Aditi...
Mad Aditi...
Her... 
leather jacket phase...
Her..."I AM a painter" phase...
But... 
I AM an artist!
Hair colours phase...
Pink, purple, yellow...
But as wild and insane as Aditi can be she's also a beautiful, trustworthy friend.
I love you, Aditi.
I'm going to miss you.
They say...
there is no right time to get married.
You're in trouble from the moment it happens.
Aditi, my tiger, my wild child...
I left you alone for a few years...
And look at the mess you've made!
Madness is an illness...
An illness that old age makes you forget...
But screw that...
we won't be old for a while...
So let's be MAD tonight!
BUNNY!
Look what I found!
Hi Avi...
I told you! 
He'll die of shock!
Did you'll really think I'd miss Aditi's suicide mission?
I was convinced of it.
What a surprise man!
What a surprise! 
Let's have a drink?
Sure.
Why weren't you at the cocktail bro?
Her lover ruined my one and only suit.
Who is this specimen, Aditi?
He's loaded. 
Looks like a weirdo, but he drives a BMW.
Just shut up, Avi.
Taran is really sweet and intelligent, Bunny...
He really loves me.
He's basically a lap dog.
How's the restaurant, bro?
Fantastic!
So, Bunny...
how long are you here for?
I'm leaving on the night of your wedding.
Going straight to Paris.
Paris! 
Oo lala!
It's an amazing project...
Your life's always been amazing, Bunny.
You're not in Chicago anymore?
Chicago was a long time ago!
Since then New York, Hawaii, back to...
Dude you move around so much, it's hard to keep track.
You were in Boston when we spoke last, right?
No.
L.A.
Oh, right.
When uncle... 
How could I forget...
I'm really sorry, Bunny.
He passed away so suddenly...
It was really sad...
I'm going to go shower.
Will you be going home?
Not on this trip.
Come on guys...
Let's DO something tonight!
The three of us together again...
Just like old times!
What old times, Aditi?
Everything's changed now.
You used to say that things don't change between friends, Avi.
True.
But you and I we're not friends anymore, Bunny.
Cheers, man.
Oh man, it's cold!
It's just water...
It'll feel okay in a while.
You'll be fine...
Are you married?
What?
!
No...
Kids?
Ya! 
Three!
Vile woman!
Why are you asking?
I'm wondering if I should behave or flirt openly.
Is flirting necessary?
Of course!
It's very good for health!
You know like...
YOGA!
I remember...
Were you always this beautiful or is this the magic of time?
What a cheesy line...
You find this cheesy now, baby doll, but there was time that you were floored by these lines!
Me?
! 
Floored by YOU? 
Please!
You haven't changed at all, Bunny.
Except for one thing...
What?
The old Bunny used to smile a lot more...
Does the water feel okay now?
It's nice.
What did I tell you?
Give it some time...
everything will be okay...
Goodnight.
I think that's enough lime!
Call Mr. Sharma from my phone and pick him up from the Reception!
He's waiting for you there!
Naina! 
Phone?
!
Welcome. 
- Congratulations.
Hey, young man! 
- Hello, uncle.
Does he think I'm his slave?
!
Woohoo!
Yeah! 
What a great hand! 
Cheers.
Come on, just one more game.
Everytime I see this girl...
I'm telling you.
Idiot.
Come on. 
Feed me!
Like a blushing rose... 
- What?
Like a poet's dream...
Like the morning...
Like the morning... 
- Light? 
- Light!
Bunny... my phone?
!
BUNNY!
BUNNY!
So... you're having an affair!
Of course not ya!
Then he's hitting on you?
I don't know man!
Come on, Naina!
Shut up, Bunny!
Who is this dude?
What is it to you?
!
Sneaking around taking pictures of you...
Must be around here somewhere!
How could you read my messages, Bunny!
I didn't just read them, Naina!
I've messaged your Romeo to meet you by the lake!
WHAT?
!
Bunny!
Is it still PG 13 or is it Triple X yet?
!
Why are you hiding him?
!
Is he that ugly?
Bunny!
Bunny!
Tired, Bunny?
As if... 
I don't get tired...
Naina, you were where?
I was looking for you like everywhere!
Hi...
Naina's also been looking for you like everywhere, Dave...
Sorry, what?
Nothing... 
Have fun, kids!
Naina, Mrs. Goswami's earrings are lost...
Dave, you...
Give me my phone!
Comment ça va au jour d'huit, mademoiselle?
That's French for "how are you today?"
Don't you look fresh..."Neyna"!
Stop wasting time, Bunny!
I have a big problem to solve actually, YOU do!
Jump onto that ledge.
I'm not a circus animal!
Are you scared, Bunny?
Now don't hurt my ego.
God save me! 
- Shhh! 
Now listen...
Quietly look into that room...
and tell me what's happening!
Since when are you so vulgar?
Oh it's Aditi's wife! 
Taran!
What is he doing?
I'm not sure...
Some kind of tribal dance...
But what am I doing here?
!
You're checking how good their dance is!
Whose?
!
The groom's side! 
Duffer!
Ohhh!
You should always gauge your enemy's strengths!
Yo... 
Rambo from First Blood!
This is a wedding, not Dancing with the Stars!
And, anyway, I don't cheat!
Liar! 
You'd still be in pre-school if you didn't cheat!
Point.
Ohohohoho!
Are they amazing?
Hold on... 
Naina!
What? 
What happened?
!
There's a girl also...
His cousin from London supposed to be a deadly dancer!
Holy mother of Lara!
Bunny! 
Bunny!
What is happening?
!
You wanted a big, fat Indian wedding, no?
Suffer now!
Bunny. 
Not now.
MY BLOUSE!
Aye! 
This is my TV show!
118 islands, can you believe that?
Venice is made of-
What's Venice like?
Fail. 
It's the sewage system of Europe.
Really? 
I'm going there for my honeymoon!
Why?
Taran loves these old, historical places.
It's okay, man. 
It'll be fun.
Nonsense!
You're going to be bored to tears.
Shut up, Avi.
You still have two days left...
just run away!
Why did you change the channel?
That was my TV show...
Sorry.
Didn't know that.
Avi. 
Change it back.
It's your show, man.
How many times are you going to watch it?
I want you to see it.
Not interested.
What's your problem?
What's your problem, Avi?
You know what my problem is.
I want to hear it from you.
Drop the act, Bunny.
This is the first time in 8 years you've come to see us.
You've called, what, 10-20 times?
And you're asking me what my problem is?
It's not like you were calling every day.
I did, man. 
I called a lot!
But I got sick of listening to your answering machine!
You forgot about us, Bunny.
Try to understand, man!
I was really caught up!
New places, new cities...
I had to make my life... my career!
I had to fulfill my dreams!
Your dreams!
Your life!
Your problems Your excuses!
Everything is about you!
What about me, Bunny?
How much do you even know about me?
My life, my dreams...
my circumstances!
Avi, man, chill!
Look at Aditi...
It's not like we spoke every day, but she's not so sore with me!
That's because Aditi doesn't expect anything from you!
She didn't even think you'd come for her wedding!
And who can blame her?
!
You didn't even come back for your own father's funeral!
Listen.
Aditi's right.
Don't expect anything from me.
This is how I am.
How?
Selfish?
Shameless?
Halfway around the world, Bunny and you've completely lost your mind!
At least I'm not like you!
A drunkard, a gambler... a failure!
Are you trying to kill me?
!
Are you crazy or what?
!
Here... use this pillow.
You cheat!
Come on and fight like a man!
Aditi... you look so pretty!
I'm getting married, guys!
And my two best friends are fighting like dogs!
Stop this drama and apologize to each other right now.
Sorry.
It's okay.
He's not saying sorry!
Bunny.
Sorry.
Beavis...
Butthead...
Hug each other.
Come on!
One minute... my turn!
Drink a little.
Yo aunty! 
Have this. 
- I don't drink.
How many times will you lie in front of the same man? 
Take this.
Sunny?
!
Just what I needed...
All the best... you.
"You!"
Total manufacturing defect.
What are you just standing here for?
Let me focus.
Glass?
Are you ready, guys?
Open... open... open position.
Smile... smile! 
Interact...
Look into the eyes of the audience directly...
Bro!
Hey!
All good?
Hi hi hi... 
I, uh, I just hope Aditi likes my dance.
Everything will be okay, right?
You don't have AIDS.
Funny! 
Funny...
Bunny, thanks...
Thanks for coming to our wedding, man...
You know, it really means a lot... to me to Aditi... to our family...
Here.
No, I just...
Take it. 
This makes everything better.
Come on... drink!
Now... for the groom!
And the very hot, the very sexy...
Laraaaa!
Taran?
!
What happened to him?
Well done, my cheetah!
Oh my God...
that was like totally incredible!
That was surprising!
You said that their dance was rubbish!
Yeah, man. 
It was!
No no no no... 
That wasn't rubbish...
That was mind-blowing!
I know! 
Genius!
Now who's going to see my traditional dance?
All the uncles!
I really wanted to be the best, you know.
You want to give an explosive performance, right? 
Leave it to me.
You? 
What are you going to do?
Aye. 
You don't know how much talent I have!
Just hold on to your skirt...
It shouldn't fly it off in excitement!
Come on.
Let's set this stage on fire!
And now...
Everyone's favourite...
the gorgeous...
Naina?
Okay, bye.
Naina?
Get up, sleepy head.
We only have today to see Udaipur.
Come on, hurry up.
So that's what your life is like!
You must have seen so many amazing things.
You can't even imagine.
I love my life, Naina.
I could never live like you people.
Come.
Like "us people"?
I mean...
You'll spend your whole life in one city, in one house, in one room...
Doesn't that scare you?
Not at all.
This is the life I've chosen.
I have no interest in living like you... 
Like a hippie!
You're only saying all this... because you've seen nothing of the world, baby!
What do you know of the high of living in different countries?
And what do you know of the comfort of home?
You don't know what it's like to sit with a strange family and listen to their life stories.
And you don't know what it's like to sit with old friends and reminisce.
Someday I'll take you to San Francisco to eat their famous mutton burgers.
You'll go crazy.
Someday I'll feed you mutton biryani from home.
You'll forget your burger.
You haven't been to Paris, Naina.
Have you ever seen a child being born?
No but I have lots of children running around in Paris.
So cheap ya.
Johannesburg.
World Cup.
Andres Iniesta's winning goal.
Wankhede Stadium.
Mahendra Singh Dhoni's winning sixer!
California's sunshine.
Bombay's rains.
Blueberry cheesecake.
Indian custard.
Phantom of the Opera on Broadway.
Dilwaale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge in a single screen theatre. 
With popcorn.
Actually... ya man.
One day you'll be the fat mother of two children.
And I'll still be hot and fit.
Not two... six!
And when I'm sitting with them watching Harry Potter part 20 in my mansion, you'll be stitching your own shoes in some African village.
You're not right, Naina... you're just very different from me.
I know that.
Oye! 
Do you really want 6 kids?
Name a couple of them Bunny...
Please.
And are they all going be from the same father or should I help?
Disgusting!
Just think!
How handsome our kids would be!
With my good looks and well...
my brains.
You're such a dog!
What?
Have you checked in?
Okay take care of yourself.
Okay bye.
Come now, quickly.
We don't want to miss that Light and Sound show.
I'm tired, Bunny and it's so nice here!
Yes, but when we've seen everything...
It'll be even nicer!
You can't do everything in one day!
Of course I can.
Look at this we only have this much left!
And now we don't.
Sit down quietly.
What if we find out later... that the Light and Sound show was mind-blowing?
Of course it will be mind-blowing...
But if we leave, we'll miss this amazing sunset.
How ever hard you try, Bunny you'll always miss out on something in life.
Let's just... enjoy the moment.
Three years ago, I was working for a company called Trek America.
I was on a trek with 24 college students...
I returned to the city after eight days.
That's when my Bombay phone came on.
I had 155 voice messages.
My family...
Avi... 
Aditi...
My father had passed away.
He passed away on Monday...
I found out on Saturday...
His last rites had already been performed.
We hadn't spoken in over a month...
I hadn't seen him in three years.
He used to say that I should visit more often...
I should have listened to him.
2,000 seen.
2,000 blind.
4,000 seen.
Pack.
10,000 seen.
10,000 show.
Don't get into this, man.
Just play.
Good hand.
Thank you, everyone!
See you later.
What?
How is this my fault?
!
Do you have socks?
This isn't Las Vegas, man!
You weren't going to hit a double jackpot.
I was doing my thing, man.
It's okay, man. 
It's done now.
Why don't you ever listen, Bunny!
Don't waste your hard earned money.
Money is nothing.
Not everyone has this is nothing in their destiny.
Here.
Double jackpot?
Las Vegas?
The casino episode where she put 20 dollars in the slot machine and won 20,000.
That host of yours is hot!
You've seen my show, Avi?
You'll have done what... 40 episodes?
I've seen all.
Then why were you pretending?
Lt's your show, Bunny.
How could I not see it?
Avi, can I say something?
I heard about your bar.
It's just a bad phase, man.
I have some money saved up.
I want you to take it and save your bar.
It's a lot of money, Bunny.
How much?
Twenty five lakh.
Done.
You ass... you think you can buy me with your dollars?
My friendship is not so cheap.
I don't want your money, Bunny.
Understand?
Then what can I do for you, Avi?
Here.
Have a drink with me.
Why are you marrying this guy?
I saw how jealous he got when you went there to talk to Avi.
You're sure about this, right?
Bunny, I wasn't going to talk to Avi.
I went there to give him a slap.
He's spent 2 lakhs in 2 days.
1 lakh on booze and 1 lakh in poker...
Taran's just gone and paid it off.
He wasn't being jealous, he was just stopping me from insulting Avi.
So... you're not in love with Avi anymore?
You knew?
Everybody knew.
Except for that duffer Avi.
Yeah, man. 
I was.
But, you know, Avi was never in that relationship.
It was just me... alone.
But with Taran...
How do I explain it...
You know, it's like...
Before I met him, I was fine... but now I know that...
I can be happy, too.
It's simple.
With certain people things just seem better by spending time with them.
Your... cap.
Thank you...
I'm sorry...
I'm sorry too!
But you shouldn't shout at me like that!
I'm not shouting! 
I didn't shout!
You called me a bitch...
- I didn't say bitch!
Yes, you did... 
- You did!
No no... 
- Yes you did!
Bunny!
Bunny!
You guys carry on...
I'll be right back.
The magic of this night is intoxicating...
Hi...
Are you looking for something?
Who is this?
This... uh... is Vikram.
He's come to shoot the wedding.
And to meet Naina.
Why are you sitting here?
Who are you?
Get lost.
Bunny?
!
Excuse me?
I said, you, please... get lost.
Bunny, stop it.
You are extremely rude.
Look, this is my best friend's wedding.
You're not welcome here.
Looks like you've had too much to drink.
Naina's invited me here.
- I'm Naina's boyfriend.
Get lost.
Guys, stop it. 
Stop it.
Bunny, stop it. 
Come on ya.
Vikram, give me five minutes...
I'll be right there, okay?
Thank you.
You... are not my boyfriend.
So is he?
What's gotten into you, Bunny?
!
Go and apologise to him.
I'd rather break his face.
You've lost your mind, Bunny.
Everytime I see this girl, huh?
What?
Is this the guy who sent you that cheap message?
Not that loser, Dave?
Yes, Bunny.
Vikram sent me those messages.
Do you love him?
How does it matter?
It matters!
I thought you only drank with me!
What are you trying to say, Bunny?
You should send this Vikram away!
Why?
!
Because I want you to spend all your time with me.
Bunny.
I was only here with Vikram because I cannot spend another second with you!
He's just my friend...
So then... he's not your boyfriend?
No, Bunny, he's not!
Please stop this drama!
Why don't you understand that if I stand here any longer then...
Then what, Naina?
Then I'll fall in love with you...
Again.
And you won't...
Again.
Vikram... 
left.
I love you.
Really?
I love you.
I love you too.
The thing is that...
I love you is just a beginning...
Then what happens, Bunny?
What happens, Naina?
Then those two people cannot handle those three words...
Let's not talk about this.
Bunny, please let me go...
No.
Please...
No.
Bunny, I'm a simple girl.
I want to live a simple life...
You're not wrong... you're just very different from me.
Please let me go.
I can't.
Then don't go to Paris!
Don't take this job that you've been dreaming of your whole life...
Don't travel...
Because I can't go with you...
Mom, dad, clinic...
Everything is here.
How can I leave?
Okay...
You come visit me twice a year.
And no funny business in Paris...
After a few years, you move back here...
Naina, I...
I know!
I understand you, Bunny.
I know what your dreams are...
What you want from life...
And that's why we should forget each other.
Bye.
Don't go, Naina.
This... feels nice.
That's why I have to go.
Five minutes...
Bunny... 
- Please... five seconds...
Dad...
We should leave.
I know...
Here, take this...
Dad, you've given me enough dollars...
You keep this. 
It'll help.
Don't argue with your father.
Keep it safely now.
Were you crying?
Well, I'm finally getting rid of you!
I'll miss you.
This house is going to feel empty without you...
Anyway, we have to go. 
Come on.
Aren't you happy, Dad?
Of course I'm happy!
But I'm also a little selfish...
I don't want to lose you.
What are you trying to say, Dad?
You don't want me to go to America?
How does it matter what I want?
Do you ever listen to anything I say?
Of course it matters.
If you didn't want me to go, you should have said it before...
You can still say it.
Then don't go.
Okay.
Would you really do that... for me?
Yes.
For you to say that... is enough.
Now listen.
Go wherever you want to go.
Do whatever you want to do.
Live life any way you want to.
Remember one thing, son...
Whatever happens in life...
I'll always be with you.
I'm tired... of running.
I never respected time and now, Dad's gone.
If only I could tell him how much I love him...
Bunny, do you know what gave your father most happiness?
Not me, not your mother, not his work...
You did.
Do you know why?
Because you never gave up on your dreams...
You lived life on your own terms.
He understood how difficult it is to carve your own path through life.
And he was proud that you had the courage to walk that path.
If you want to tell your father how much you love him, you need to do what you've always done.
Live your dreams.
Listen to your heart.
Thank you.
Everything will be okay, Bunny.
Except for this sherbet.
It's still terrible.
This is my first honeymoon, baby...
Shut up!
I want to spend New Year's day with you amongst the stars...
Stupid!
The year comes to a close tonight...
And this bar does too.
To the new year and to new beginnings!
Cheers!
Hi.
Here.
What are you doing here?
I've come to spend New Year's Eve with you!
Paris?
Cancel.
Why?
I didn't want to risk it.
What if someone else whisked you away?
!
Seriously? 
You're not going?
I refused their offer So I could take you up on yours!
Should we make this lighting a little romantic?
Are you afraid of the dark?
I love you.
Come on.
On that note, let's have some cake.
This job was everything to you.
It was.
But there's a right time for everything!
And today is the right time for this.
Naina!
Will you marry me?
You've lost your mind.
This is fake.
But my love is real, baby!
Sorry, dude...
I didn't have a lot of time.
Naina!
Bunny you... you'll run away?
!
So you bring me back!
That means you'll really run away?
I won't go anywhere! 
Try it and see?
Try?
!
Marriage isn't about trying!
Once you're in it it's boiled food for fifty years 'til you die! 
Can you handle it?
Are you trying to scare me?
Scared already?
This is not your cup of tea.
Fine then. 
I'm going.
Bunny!
Will you marry me or not?
Why do you want to marry me?
Because I can't escape you!
You've screwed me!
I still want the same things but now I want them with you!
I still want to see every corner of the world but with your hand in mine!
Look, Naina.
Time waits for no one.
It flies past us and we get left behind.
And before I get left too far behind,
I want to spend some time with you.
You make me happy Naina.
In my mind, we're already married...
Now come on, you marry me too!
Such a long speech...
The least you can do is clap!
Naina, say something-
Ahhh!
What happened?
Baby, give me your phone.
My battery's dead.
Hi this is Aditi, I'm not available right now...
Hello?
Aye, loser! 
Are you wasted yet?
Bunny! 
You dog! 
Where are you?
!
You'll never believe it...
Hi!
Hey!
Where are you? 
- It's a long story...
Hey, who are you with?
I'll tell you...
Who's the chick with you?
You know... our Scholar...
Bunny?
Adi?
!
Bunny?
!
Aditi?
Avi! 
Hang on!
Let me put you on speaker!
Avi, talk to Adi!
Aditi?
!
Avi?
!
Aditiiiii!
Dude, I've been trying your number forever!
Where are you?
!
I have no idea what's going on!
I'm at the bar!
I have no idea either!
Shhhh... guys!
Naina oh Nainaaaaa!
Oh my God! 
Okay.
Bunny. 
Where are the two of you?
My house...
That means you didn't leave?
Oh my God!
I knew it! 
I knew the two of you were having a scene!
Liars! 
Idiots! 
I'm going to kill you when I get back!
Either I'm totally wasted or you've all lost your minds!
I'll explain, I'll explain everything...
But there's only 5 seconds left for New Year's! 
So... 5!
4!
3!
2!
ONE! 
Happy New Year!
I love you, Aditi!
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year guys!
- New Year guys!
Happy New Year, guys!
Let's all have a great year ya!

See that aspiring model there?
That's me... 
Deb...
until the day I died.
I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up, and I woke up in someone else's body.
[ Screams ]
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Paul.
I used to think everything happened for a reason.
Whoo!
[ Laughs ]
Now, I sure hope I was right.
♪ LA, LA, LA, LA-LA-LA-LA
Drop Dead Diva 5x06 
- Fool for Love Original air date July 28, 2013
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
♪ Well, hello
♪ Hello, Mr. Sunshine
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
Good morning. 
You two are up early.
I'm working on my list of potential ex-boyfriend sperm donors.
- Ooh.
- And check this out.
I'm learning chai tea.
Paul, it is tai chi, not chai tea.
Stace, are you sure an ex is better than an anonymous donor?
Well, all of my ex-boyfriends had some good qualities, so maybe they've got the right stuff to be a donor.
Martin Ward? 
Cross him off.
But he was so sweet.
Last week, I saw him at the courthouse.
He's been arrested for armed robbery.
Okay.
But I still need to pick at least three.
- Why three?
- Paul has a great idea.
Tell her.
You know how Stacy can't decide what to wear until she has three different outfits laid out?
Yeah?
That's what I'm gonna do!
I'll invite my top three choices to a cocktail party, and by the end of the night, I'll have a donor.
What could possibly go wrong?
So, Jane, Paul and I were wondering...
Wait.
The two of you were wondering something together?
Yes, we are both very concerned about your well-being.
How are you and Owen?
We know he came over here the other night.
Yeah.
He apologized for being rough on me at work, but I have no idea if he is open to more.
And by more, you mean...
I mean forgiving me and taking me back.
- Jane, you need to touch him.
- Mm-hmm.
Find an excuse to touch Owen.
Brush up against him in a meeting or an elevator.
If he still cares, it will be electric.
Trust me.
When you touch a guy, his response says it all.
[ Knock on door ]
Owen!
Oh.
Good morning.
Uh, hello. 
What's going on?
Jane Bingum... 
Brad Pines.
Brad is a chemistry grad student at Cal U.
This morning, he dropped his professor off at LAX.
He's supposed to give the keynote at a conference in Prague, but he was arrested for trying to smuggle drugs out of the country.
They're holding him at the airport.
I will get my bag.
Oh, thanks.
- Touch him.
- Okay.
You need to touch him.
Okay.
It's a computer fantasy game called "Forevermore."
My boyfriend, Craig, created it.
Now there's major interest from publishers and movie studios.
If you need me to negotiate the contracts,
I'm happy to meet with Craig and...
He was killed in a hit-and-run just over two years ago.
Oh. 
Uh, I'm so sorry.
And now that "Forevermore" might be worth millions, his estranged parents are claiming his estate.
This game is Craig's legacy.
I can't let them control it.
Well, if Craig didn't leave a will, then his parents are entitled to everything.
We were together for eight years.
Doesn't that make me his common-law wife?
California doesn't recognize common-law marriage.
The probate hearing is today.
[ Scoffs ] Today?
I didn't think it would come to this.
When Craig dropped out of college, his parents cut him off.
They acted like he didn't even exist.
Okay.
Okay, let's get down to the courthouse.
I'll see what I can do.
[ Sighs ]
Found methamphetamine in the lining of your duffel bag.
Professor, did you pack the bag yourself?
No. 
No, the bag wasn't mine.
My girlfriend, Melody... she asked me to bring it to her in Prague.
Brad said you were going there for a conference.
That's correct.
Melody works as a model, mostly in Europe.
She got a last-minute runway gig in Prague that was at the same time as my conference.
Tell me more about the bag.
Melody e-mailed me yesterday.
She said the last time she was in L.A., she left some stuff at a friend's place.
That friend brought the bag to my house last night so I could bring it to Melody.
Did you meet this friend?
No. 
She just left the bag by the side door.
Well, I looked inside.
It was just clothing.
Professor, we have to prove that you had no knowledge that the drugs were in the bag.
I had no knowledge, okay?
Now, please, just... just call Melody.
She's staying at the Intercontinental in Prague.
She'll tell you her friend's name, and we'll get this all sorted out.
Kim!
Vanessa.
When are you due?
Two months. 
You?
- The same.
- Wow.
I haven't seen you since, um...
Since I, uh, left Grayson at the altar.
Yeah, you must think I'm horrible.
Oh, I... 
I... 
I think it's none of my business.
So, how much do you love being pregnant?
Oh, um, so much.
We should, like, schedule lunch sometime, compare notes on night nurses and nannies, doulas, the whole shebang.
[ Cellphone rings ] Yeah, all those things.
- Oh, my God.
- Everything okay?
My amazing husband just got us the Bugaboo stroller.
[ Laughs ]
The waiting list is, what, like, a year?
And every good mom needs a Bugaboo.
Ooh, God. 
I got to go.
Good to see you.
You too. [ Chuckles ] Okay.
Paul, listen closely.
I need you to get me the Bugaboo stroller.
No, the Bugaboo, okay?
Whatever it costs, whatever it takes.
Let's go. 
We're late.
Okay.
20 minutes till the arraignment.
Sorry.
I was trying to reach the Professor's girlfriend.
Any luck?
Well, she's registered at the hotel, but she hasn't checked in yet.
Oh, and Teri is tracking down her modeling agency.
Good.
[ Sighs ]
We're gonna be late.
Uh, you know, I was thinking, if the teacher from "Breaking Bad" can cook up meth, then it'd be a snap for a college professor.
Yeah, well, it's one thing to cook it up.
It's another to smuggle it illegally out of the country.
Right.
[ Cellphone vibrating ] Oh, that's me.
Huh.
[ Elevator bell dings ]
Jane, are you okay?
Yeah. 
Yeah, I'm fine.
[ Chuckles ] Okay. 
Good.
Federal customs officers, acting on an anonymous tip from the homeland security hotline this morning at 7:14, searched the defendant's luggage and found a kilo of methamphetamine.
We're filing charges for possession with intent to distribute.
My client enters a not guilty plea.
We also request reasonable bail.
We ask the defendant be held without bail.
He's scheduled to travel to Taiwan next month for a chemical manufacturer's board meeting, and since Taiwan doesn't have an extradition treaty, he's a flight risk.
The Professor will cancel his trip and surrender his passport.
With his international connections, he could still find a way out of the U.S.
I agree. 
Defendant will be held without bail.
Why didn't you tell the judge about Melody's friend?
I got an e-mail in the courtroom from my assistant.
She's contacted the top two dozen modeling agencies in the U.S., and no one has heard of a model named Melody Lanthum.
That's because Melody's based in London.
You need to talk to agencies in London.
Professor, we can't help but feel there's something you're not telling us.
Well, uh...
Melody and I, um... we haven't actually met.
What do you mean?
I mean, we haven't actually met in person.
We started chatting two months ago on a rainforest preservation website, and that led to e-mails and I.M.S, and we just... we just fell for each other.
But with Melody working in Europe and my busy schedule, we hadn't had a chance to meet, so...
You're welcome to read our correspondence.
Yeah. 
Actually, that could be helpful.
Okay. 
I'll have my research assistant bring you my external hard drive.
Right.
Okay.
You know, more than 50% of couples these days meet online.
Yeah.
I mean, most of them meet in person before becoming a couple.
Well, I don't... 
I don't know if you're in a relationship, Ms. Bingum, but for me, I've found dating to be really difficult.
And with Melody, we just connected.
It's that simple.
Those are Craig's parents.
I tried to say hi, but they just walked by.
Mr. and Mrs. Bailey, if your lawyer's not here in 60 seconds,
I will be forced to dismiss this case.
Sorry, judge. 
I'm here.
[ Chuckles ] Seven months' pregnant.
I got to pee every 10 minutes.
Great.
Your Honor, my clients' son, Craig Bailey, died tragically two years ago without a will.
Now, because he had no surviving children, his parents inherit his estate.
That's correct.
Excuse me, Your Honor.
Yes?
If I may, Kim Kaswell.
I'd like to intervene under CCP 387 on behalf of my client, June Frazier, the decedent's long-term girlfriend.
Ms. Frazier was neither Craig Bailey's spouse nor registered domestic partner.
While that's true, my client has a claim to Craig's estate under palimony law.
That is ridiculous.
Maybe, but color me intrigued.
I'll set aside time for arguments this afternoon.
Owen asked me to tell you that he headed over to the courthouse to get the bench notes.
Okay.
And this is Beth, your client's research assistant.
Oh.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Professor Kane's external drive.
Thank you very much.
And I just want to say, I heard about the charges, and I can assure you, he's innocent.
Glad to hear it.
He wasn't motivated by money.
And he was so proud of the research he was gonna present in Prague.
He would never jeopardize that.
Beth, how much do you know about the professor's personal life?
He didn't have one.
He was in the lab seven days a week.
Do you know if he had a girlfriend?
No, I... 
I don't think so.
Okay. 
Thank you.
Could you please describe your relationship with Craig?
We were in a exclusive, committed relationship for eight years.
And you were planning a future together?
Yes, we wanted a big family.
Truth is, we'd been trying for three years, but... we weren't as lucky as you or Ms. Hemmings.
In fact, we were just about to start a round of IVF when Craig died.
Your Honor, Ms. Frazier's testimony must be limited to whether she and Craig had an understanding that they would share equally in the results of their combined efforts.
Yes.
We combined our income, we split household chores.
I mean, when he was writing code,
I would do most of the housework, but when he needed my help with graphics, he would cook and clean.
We were married in every respect.
Your Honor, we contend that the 1977 Lee Marvin palimony case should apply to Craig and June's relationship.
The Marvin case dealt with a break-up, not a death.
So unless this court is prepared to make a new law, palimony doesn't apply.
I'm inclined to agree.
Do you have any further arguments, Ms. Kaswell?
Yes.
But I'd like a recess to gather the necessary materials.
You have until tomorrow.
Hey.
Hi. 
Why are you blocking me?
You heard about Vanessa.
Look, I'm completely over her, but tell me you're kicking her ass in court.
Actually, she's kicking mine.
In that case, I read your client memo.
I think you're looking at the facts wrong.
Really?
Yeah, you're forcing the law to recognize the romantic relationship.
You should go after the work relationship.
A couple that close, he works at home?
She's got to be involved in some way.
She did say she helped out with the graphics.
There you go.
Under copyright law, you can argue June's a co-creator.
It won't get her everything, but it might get her some of what she deserves.
Hey, thanks, Grayson.
Trust me... here to help.
[ Gasps ] Is that the Bugaboo?
Now, would I let you down?
What can I say, Paul? 
I'm impressed.
You can say I'm the best intern at the firm.
[ Chuckles ]
You're the only intern at the firm.
You're very welcome, Ms. Kaswell.
Hmm.
Hey! 
So... did you touch Owen? 
Was there a spark?
Uh. 
I tried, and then my heel broke.
I don't know.
Maybe it's a sign to just keep my hands to myself.
What are you doing here?
I picked the three exes I want to invite to my sperm-donor cocktail party tonight... finance guy, real-estate agent, and personal trainer.
Wallet, homemaker, and bod.
I remember them well.
Do you think that I should tell them why I'm having them over for drinks?
Mnhmnh-mnh. 
I say mum's the word.
Otherwise, they might not act naturally.
- You're right.
- Mm-hmm.
So, what are you reading?
You looked a little emotional.
These e-mails from my professor client and his model girlfriend, whom he's never actually met.
That's weird.
I thought so, too.
Anyway, they've been e-mailing for about two months, but we can't locate her.
Oh! 
She's a model named Melody Lanthum.
Mnh-mnh.
No agency's heard of her, either.
Well, maybe she models under a different name.
Remember when I almost changed my name to Lady Gaga before Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta stole it from me?
I do not remember that.
So, what else do you know about her?
Not much.
My client met her on a rainforest-conservation website.
Okay, well... 
let's see.
I am searching "Melody Lanthum"...
Mm-hmm.
...and "rainforest conservation."
Voilà!
Here is her profile page on myrainforest.org.
Oh, looks like she adopted an acre of land in Costa Rica.
We should really do that.
- Mm-hmm.
- And...
Oh, there's a photo.
Mm.
Oh, my God.
What?
[ Gasps ]
It's you.
I mean, she's you.
You're Melody!
These bench notes are from the crime lab's forensics expert.
The meth is high grade, very pure.
Well, which is not good for us.
The A.U.S.A. is gonna argue that, as a chemistry professor, you would know how to create a pure version.
Jane, hey.
Hi.
Um, Professor...
I... 
I don't... 
I'm sorry.
I don't even know how to tell you this. 
Um...
Melody Lanthum doesn't exist.
Well, of course she does.
You read our e-mails, our texts.
I read your e-mails, and I believe that yours are genuine.
I found Melody's photo.
That's Melody.
No, that's Deb Dobkins.
She was a model, and she died in a car accident several years ago.
I'm so sorry.
Professor, I think you should consider the possibility that you have been "catfished."
I'm sorry. 
I don't understand.
It's slang term for someone who creates a false online identity to pursue a romantic connection.
Why would anyone do that?
Well, I think you were being set up.
As what? 
A drug mule?
Yeah. 
Looks that way.
Well, then who was I writing to?
And who was writing to me?
All I know is we have to get back in that courtroom and convince the jury that you are a victim of an elaborate hoax.
Your Honor, earlier, my client testified that she helped out with the graphics of "Forevermore."
She was being modest.
This is Kalipso, the game's hero, as sketched by Craig.
Now, June reworked this rendering, and after dozens of drafts, Kalipso now looks... like this.
June also reworked the setting, turning rudimentary drawings like this... into the Bledso forest.
"Forevermore" wouldn't exist but for my client's creative contributions.
Objection, Your Honor.
This is pure speculation.
Teri?
We'd like to enter into evidence thousands of pages of drawings my client contributed to the creative process.
Your Honor, this is...
Um, the...
I'm s... 
I... 
I just lost my train of thought.
Are you okay, Ms. Hemmings?
I think I need to sit.
I'll review the evidence, and I'll have my clerk inform you of my decision.
[ Gavel bangs ]
Jane!
Oh! 
Stacy.
What are you doing here?
Well, my sperm-donor cocktail party has had some setbacks.
Two of my top three choices can't make it.
Why not?
Finance guy is in rehab.
- Right.
- Real-estate guy is married.
Of course.
Good news... personal trainer is coming, and so is political aide, who was my alternate.
- All right.
- Now I just need one more...
Hey, what do you think about him?
Oh.
[ Laughs ]
Hank? 
You've never dated him.
No, but he's smart and funny.
Hey, didn't you two have a thing?
No. 
No.
I mean, he asked me out once.
Are you asking to borrow one of my old suitors?
Because if you are, the answer is of course you can!
[ Both laugh ]
- Oh, shh! 
He's coming!
- Oh.
- Hello, ladies.
- Hi.
I seem to remember that you both liked iced chais.
Thank you. 
So kind.
Well, I come from a long line of kind men.
Did you hear that, Jane?
Yes, I did.
So, how are you, Hank?
Never better.
[ Chuckles ]
Hank, we're having a few people over tonight for a cocktail party.
Would you like to come?
Well, I have to check my schedule.
Kidding! 
I'm pretty much always free.
What time?
[ Both laugh ]
Funny.
Wow. 
Is that what I think it is?
Oh.
Something wrong?
Oh, no, no.
Not at all. 
Um...
I mean, this company is supposed to make a solid, reliable stroller.
What... what do you mean, "this company"?
Oh, um, this is a Bubbaboo, not a Bugaboo, but I'm sure you knew that.
Of course. [ Chuckles ] Yeah, uh...
See, one of my goals as a parent is to make sure my kid doesn't get caught up with labels.
Oh, right, of course.
You better keep your kid out of your closet, with all of those Hermés bags and Louboutin shoes...
What do you want, Vanessa?
The Baileys will give June $50,000 if she will waive any claim to "Forevermore."
$50,000 is a joke.
Well, it's better than nothing.
Be sure to remind her of that.
I allow myself one cookie a week.
It means an extra 20 on the elliptical, but it's worth it.
I say it depends on the cookie.
You know, I mean, is it homemade or out of the box?
[ Both laugh ]
So, do you still work for the senator?
I'm actually a lobbyist for Ivar Oil.
Oh. 
How exciting for you.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh! 
Will you excuse us?
FYI, Ivar Oil is the company on trial for polluting the L.A. river.
[ Gasps ] Oh. 
The one killing all those seagulls?
That's the one.
- Oh.
- Hello.
Hello. 
For you.
Oh, I love flowers. 
How did you know?
All right. 
Get in here, Hank.
Make yourself at home.
What is with the clipboard?
Oh, I have a checklist of my top six sperm-donor traits... kind, stable, ambitious, intelligent, funny, attractive.
Let's go find him.
Grayson.
Thank you for meeting me here.
Frankly, I don't have much to say to you.
Well, you had a lot to say to me in court.
[ Chuckles ]
That whole Perry Mason stunt with the shopping cart?
The only reason that you were there was to throw me off my game.
Well, to be fair, you did leave me standing at the altar.
Ah.
And how long till you got over it? 
Lunch?
Yes.
A late lunch.
You still owe me an apology.
Yeah, you're right.
[ Sighs ]
I am sorry for the way I bailed.
You see, when we were together, it was like I would get lost in my fantasy of us.
But I knew, deep down, I wasn't the right one for you.
What I didn't realize until later was that, well, you weren't really the right one for me, either.
For what it's worth...
[Chuckles] I'm still pretty embarrassed for the way I left you at the wedding.
It's probably why I never reached out.
And what about you?
Anyone special in your life?
Not right now, and I'm fine with that.
I almost believe you.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, I hear that Owen and Jane broke up.
What's that got to do with me?
It's really nice seeing you, Grayson.
98, 99, 100!
Whoa!
[ Pants ] And now I can have a cube of cheese.
Trainer guy is so off the list.
Agreed.
Which means Hank is in the lead.
He's sweet and funny.
And he thinks I'm a real blonde.
Well, and the good thing about him being just a donor is that he'll never know the truth.
Jane, Stacy, come here.
This guy's real name is Norville Rogers.
Hey, it's not nice to make fun of someone's name.
Yeah.
Norville Rogers is the real name of Shaggy,
- from "Scooby Doo." 
- Oh!
Once a month, my mom and I, we still watch marathons of "The Doo."
- Ooh.
- You're kidding, right?
I don't joke about Scooby.
[ Imitates Scooby Doo laughing ]
I can also do impressions of Elmer Fudd,
Snagglepuss, and Huckleberry Hound.
Oh! 
And at last July's convention, my Daffy Duck costume took second place.
You know what?
This whole night was a big mistake.
I'm sorry, guys, but I invited you over here because I thought I would want one of you to be a sperm donor for my baby, but I don't want a baby that kills seagulls or has to exercise to eat a cookie
or laughs like a cartoon dog.
Not that you all aren't terrific, you know, in your own ways.
But, yeah, time to go.
- Okay.
- Okay. [ Chuckles ]
[ Door closes ]
Well, that was a disaster.
What am I supposed to do now?
Okay. 
You know what?
You just take a deep breath...
[ Breathes deeply ]
When the right door comes along, you will just know it.
Okay.
[ Knock on door ]
I'll get it.
Owen?
- Hey.
- Hi.
Do you, uh... do you have a second? 
Are you...
Oh, of course. 
Is everything okay?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
Just, uh... just thinking...
I think you should handle the professor's testimony tomorrow.
Oh. 
No problem.
I think it'll have more impact on the jury if you're up there kind of guiding him through his journey, step by step.
[ Indistinct conversation ]
Professor, many people will find it hard to believe that a man of your intellect could fall so hard for someone that you've never even met.
The human brain believes what it perceives.
To me, Melody was as real as anyone I've ever known.
So, you were the victim of a cruel hoax designed to trick you into smuggling drugs out of the country.
I believe I was, yes.
Professor, you testified that you had no knowledge of the methamphetamine.
Yes. 
That's the truth.
The government's continued to monitor professor Kane's e-mail account pursuant to an active warrant, and we'd like to submit into evidence an e-mail that was sent to the defendant
Please read that for the jury.
"Stuart, where are you, darling?"
"We need the fresh, delicious pastries"
"you're bringing from Los Angeles."
"X.O. Melody."
Objection, relevance. 
I mean, pastries?
"Pastries" is well-known code for methamphetamine.
It seems that your client is late with the drugs, Ms. Bingum.
I didn't know about the drugs.
Uh, recess, Your Honor?
Good idea. 
We're done for the day.
[ Gavel bangs ]
Of course $50,000 is a lot of money, but it's nothing compared to the value of "Forevermore."
But if I don't take it, I could end up with nothing.
What should I do?
What would Craig want you to do?
Excuse me. 
The clerk just called.
The judge ruled for the Baileys. 
Sorry.
You okay?
You just asked me what Craig would want.
Right, but the deal's off the table.
We have a verdict.
I know. 
I know what Craig would want me to do.
He would want me to move on with my life.
- I'm gonna have his baby.
- What?
Remember I told you we started IVF when Craig died?
Well, we had a few embryos frozen at the clinic.
I'm going to get pregnant.
That's what Craig would want.
[ Chuckles ]
Well, that... that's great.
I mean, I'm happy for you.
I just wish you would have made this decision a couple months ago.
Why's that?
Any baby born within two years of a father's death has full inheritance rights.
But Craig died two years and two weeks ago.
Yeah.
Well...
I wasn't ready a few months ago.
I am now.
God!
Stace, you've got to stop creeping up on me.
Sorry. 
Hey, where's Owen?
Uh, I don't know. 
Why?
No reason. 
Just making conversation.
Oh, there he is.
Wow. 
I never realized how tall he was.
Yeah.
He looks kind of like Vince Vaughn but not as puffy.
Okay, Stacy, we had a bit of a setback in court, so do you need something from me?
From you? 
No.
Okay.
Hey, Jane, that's my top in that photo.
You borrowed it and never returned it.
Sorry.
I must've forgotten with the whole me dying thing.
Wait. 
When did I borrow this?
I've been trying to figure out when this picture was taken.
You wore it to our five-year high-school reunion.
You wanted something to match your toenail polish.
Yes, I did! 
I remember!
And Grayson took this photo.
Mm-hmm.
So, when do you expect I can have my top back?
Kim.
June, what's wrong?
After I left your office,
I called to make an appointment at the clinic.
They told me that Craig's parents got an injunction blocking me from my embryos.
What?
They hate me so much they can't stomach the idea of me becoming pregnant with their grandchild.
No one is that vindictive.
There's got to be something else going on.
I promise I'll get to the bottom of it.
I remember taking the photo.
Deb was so happy.
She was actually pretty tipsy.
She kept trying to say the word "purple"
- and it would come out...
- Burple. [ Chuckles ]
Uh, that's a very common mistake.
Oh.
Anyway, do you have any idea how the people who set up professor Kane could have gotten their hands on this?
Yeah, I think I sent the photo to the alumni coordinator
- that was...
- Whoa.
Did you feel that?
[ Laughs ]
Must be the carpet. 
Static build-up.
Yeah.
So...
Yep, here it is.
There you go... the original photo before it was cropped.
No way.
What?
I know who catfished the professor.
Beth, you are an awful, awful human being.
We know you were using the professor to transport drugs.
God, no. 
Ms. Bingum, I had nothing to do with the drugs.
- I'm in love with him.
- Oh, please.
I was too shy to approach him in that way.
So when I saw he was a member of this online group...
I joined under a fake name.
And?
Soon we started spending hours online together.
I fell so hard, and I was in too deep to tell him the truth.
Tell me about that photo.
It's a woman named Deb Dobkins.
Mm-hmm.
We went to high school together.
She died in a car crash.
Were you two friends?
No.
She wouldn't even recognize me if we were in the same room.
She was gorgeous...
And popular...
And, well...
I was not.
Okay.
So, the professor was planning on meeting Melody in Prague.
That's impossible. 
I'm Melody.
He was going there for a conference, not to meet me.
A week ago, he got an e-mail from Melody saying that she landed a last-minute modeling gig in Prague.
Ms. Bingum, we haven't corresponded for at least 10 days.
Wait... you haven't had any contact with him since his arrest?
Of course not. 
He's in jail.
Okay.
This is the bag that was dropped off at the professor's house.
Do you recognize it?
No. 
I don't recognize the bag.
Uh, wait.
That's my shirt, the pink one.
And those are my leggings and my jeans.
Oh, my God.
I left all of this stuff at my ex-boyfriend's house when we broke up.
What's your ex-boyfriend's name?
Brad Pines.
I'm a graduate student at Cal U.
You have been in this courtroom every day supporting professor Kane.
It's the least I can do. 
He's my mentor.
Is it true you once had a relationship with Beth Ryan?
I'm... not sure why you're asking, but, yes, that's true.
And isn't it also true that you discovered
Beth had created an alternate identity and had started an online relationship with professor Kane?
Objection. 
Relevance.
Overruled.
I'm curious where this is going.
Yes.
I discovered Beth was pretending to be someone she wasn't.
Tell me about a software program known as middleman.
It intercepts exchanges between two parties and allows the user to act as if they're the other party to an e-mail conversation.
If you used middleman to intervene between professor Kane and Melody, you could carry on an e-mail conversation with both of them, and they'd have no idea that they were actually e-mailing with you.
Your Honor, defense exhibit "R"...
Brad's credit-card statements.
He purchased the software seven weeks ago, around the time of his breakup with Beth.
Now, true or false... you held the professor responsible for the rejection of your grant application?
True. 
I was angry. 
He called my application sloppy, but...
You figured out the perfect plan to get even with both your ex for leaving you and the professor for denying your grant.
Isn't that right?
That's ridiculous.
That isn't an answer.
This is defense exhibit "S"... phone records that prove you called in the anonymous tip that led to professor Kane's arrest.
You can't trace calls made to an anonymous hotline.
Yes.
But at 7:14 A.M., you called a phone number in the Cayman Islands that acts as a firewall so that forwarded calls cannot be traced.
Your Honor, at this time, we ask for an immediate dismissal of all charges against professor Kane.
The government agrees and asks that this witness be placed under arrest.
So ordered.
Your Honor, we're asking you to grant my client access to her embryos under California Probate Code section 249.5, which governs the posthumous use of a father's genetic material.
The code is only relevant to posthumously conceived children if they were conceived within the two years of the father's death.
And since Craig Bailey died two years and two weeks ago, the statute has no bearing.
Nice try.
But if you look at the statute, it actually says that a baby must be in utero within two years of the date of issuance of a death certificate.
But because Craig died in a hit-and-run, an investigation delayed the issuance of his death certificate by four months, which means that not only is June entitled to those embryos, but any child she conceives within the next 3 1/2 months
will inherit Craig's entire estate, including all rights to "Forevermore."
Your Honor, under the statute, Ms. Frazier must supply evidence of the father's intent.
And we have it.
Your Honor, video-game creators often hide so-called "easter eggs" within their games.
For example, if someone playing "Forevermore" reaches level 100 and slices open the lock on this treasure chest with their sword, a message from Craig appears.
[ Trumpets blare ]
"For June and our children..."
"not yet born but already in my heart."
"Now and forevermore, Craig."
Your Honor, we ask that you grant our client access to her embryos.
So ordered.
I'm also placing Craig Bailey's estate in escrow until the birth of his child.
On that date, said child will inherit Craig's entire estate, of which Ms. Frazier shall be the executor.
[ Gavel bangs ]
Paul? 
What's this?
I heard you were really upset about the other stroller.
And I really did think it was a Bugaboo and not a Bubbaboo,
- by the way.
- It's okay, really.
No, it's not. 
You deserve the best.
Kim Kaswell, you are a force.
Congrats on the win.
And I see you got yourself a real Bugaboo.
Nice job.
But I thought that you didn't care about brands?
She doesn't. 
It's a gift from me.
Ah. 
I'll say it again... nice job.
Oh, we're not... it's good to meet you. 
I'm Paul.
Sweetheart, we should get going.
[ Chuckles ]
Why did you do that?
She was trying to make you feel small, and nobody should make anybody else feel small, especially a mom-to-be.
Oh, thank you.
And thanks for the stroller, but I looked the other one up and the ratings are just as high, so...
- Oh, thank God.
- What?
I slipped a security guard at the mall a hundred bucks to let me borrow this from the window display.
It's due back in 20 minutes.
[ Chuckles ]
You're a free man.
What's next, professor?
I suppose I'll return to the life I led before I fell for a woman who doesn't exist.
The woman you fell for does exist.
Beth Ryan really cares about you.
Beth Ryan made a fool out of me.
Once she figured out what happened, she felt awful and she offered her complete cooperation.
Why are you defending her?
I'm not defending the lie.
I'm just asking the professor to consider the bigger picture.
What's wrong with keeping an open mind?
I'm sorry. 
I didn't know she was here.
You don't have to speak with her.
[ Exhales deeply ]
No, it's... it's fine.
I just want to say, I'm so sorry.
I'll be leaving the university at the end of the term.
That would be a mistake.
When last we e-mailed, before Brad hijacked our accounts, you said you had a photo of a kingfisher from the Malaysian rainforest.
Yes. 
My cousin took it.
I'd love to see it.
Yes.
Yes, of course.
Walk you out?
Okay.
Well, I suppose, as a scientist, it's my job to keep an open mind, so...
[ Chuckles ]
What a case, huh?
Yeah. 
Yeah.
Hey, what do you say we go out to dinner to celebrate?
You know, my treat.
[ Sighs ] I'm exhausted.
- Thank you, though.
- Yeah.
Have a good night, Jane.
You too.
Yo, boss!
Congrats on your win.
Thank you. 
You've been busy.
I heard about you and Kim and the baby carriage.
News travels fast.
Hey, I'm confused.
I thought you were supposed to be watching me.
You're jealous.
No.
Look, Jane, the only reason that I'm an intern here is so that I can be around in case you need me.
And the only way I get to keep my internship is by impressing Kim.
But if there is anything you need, I'm here for you.
In fact, how about you and me, we'll go get some drinks... you can tell me all about your day?
Paul.
Rain check?
Hey, you're home.
I am.
Oh, that wine looks good.
I had a long day.
Hey, can you sit down for a minute?
We need to talk.
Uh, yeah, sure.
Is everything all right?
I have some big news.
I've chosen my sperm donor.
Well, that's wonderful!
I found a guy who is kind, stable, ambitious, intelligent, funny, and attractive.
Good. 
So you're telling me you met George Clooney?
[ Both laugh ]
I need to be serious.
Okay.
Who is it?
It's...
[ Sighs ] ...Owen.
Uh, what?
I want to ask Owen to be my child's biological father.
Owen? 
As in my Owen?
I mean, you said that I would know it when I see it, and I see it with Owen.

Still no?
We are approaching, I can feel it.
is 16 mil from the nearest village.
way we approach is less fuel and to go back.
I do not understand.
According Warekena-scriptures, it should be here.
to be here.
How much fuel is left before we have to turn
We can dedicate the rest of our lives to look in this jungle...
- and did not find anything except spider monkeys and malaria.
Some things might be best if they are lost.
Just turbulence.
Nothing to worry about.
Bob?
propeller spins bad. 
Hold on.
Bob. 
Bob!
Okay, I will...
I'll just take a look.
Bob.
I do not think we are alone.
Bob, we need here.
Give me a moment.
Bob, do not move!
Bob, do not do it!
Sir, HALO jump team is about to rise.
Put me.
- Hello.
- What is it?
satellite has located rebel base...
- and they are controlled by no less than Gustavo Marquez.
You know what sick bastard he is, so I will not go into details...
- and he has a lot some men on the ground...
- and heavy weapons. 
So do not be undetected.
addition, we have no permission from Val Verde government to be in the country...
If the mission fails...
- you will have to go through Amazon without a boat and oars...
It just gets better and better.
Do you have anxiety to your shorts to get wet, Tank?
- Not if you pull my trigger.
- Enough.
your primary goal... is biochemist Dr. Ibanez Angeles.
She was kidnapped a few months ago on a biovapenkonferens.
info says that Marquez forces her to develop...
- a hybrid biochemical weapons for rockets.
What type of chemicals?
We do not know before we reach camp.
Fortunately, we have one on the inside recent years...
He has worked himself up and Marquez got confidence...
- by giving him information and sell weapons. 
He will help you.
If all goes according to plan , destroying the missile...
- take down Marquez, rescues girl and get you home safely.
If you fail, I have orders to smooth the entire area with the ground.
I'm talking about bombing down whole place. 
Is that clear?
hear all that?
Woman's mission.
- Yes, boss.
- Good.
You know what to do. 
Get the job done , or die in the attempt.
Colonel Carter, over and out.
jumps on five minutes.
girl mission?
We've chased Marquez for years.
I know how much you want to catch the bastard.
Should I be worried?
manager, your mission is to rescue girl.
Yes, sir.
You must be joking.
There he is. 
That's our man.
Four green rebels.
Three green rebels.
Two green rebels.
And then it was just... one left.
I'll get you out of here.
He was right about one thing:
It's time to work, honey.
Take cover!
Grenade!
Thank you
Yes. 
You owe me a favor.
I owe you all night long.
Really? 
I thought you were 5 minute type.
Status Steakleys troops?
They are under heavy attack.
much to go undetected.
Have they found the girl?
unclear, but we may have a bigger problem, Colonel.
Have they fired the missile?
Negative, but it seems to be detonated.
Chemical weapon may have leaked.
Good God. 
If it is true, we must burn the whole region.
- Not before my men are out.
- They are probably already infected.
You can not know that.
Is that a risk you're willing to take?
Yeah, it's fucking a risk I take.
Nothing happens until my men are from the area.
They make the proper good job, right?
Go.
Put the gun down, or you will die.
It was a while ago.
I knew we'd meet again.
- Can you walk?
- Yes, thank you.
thank me when we come here.
turn on the radio, Sergeant, we go.
- Are you okay?
- Hello Zero, This is 6-1.
Mission accomplished. 
Mission accomplished.
Need immediate evacuation from here.
I have contact.
- Hold position, Sergeant.
- We have some ammo, boss.
Aim for good then.
- Send helicopters, bring them home.
- Coordinates for the landing zone?
Colonel! 
You can not send more troops into an infected area.
Landa him there.
Headquarters here.
Evacuation Location 11-3-1.
6-1 here. 
Less.
How far is it?
- 4 km.
- 4 km, so fuck them. 
Give me the radio.
Zero, this is Six Actual.
- I ask for evacuation at this position.
- For dangerous.
headquarters here.
Negatively your position is critical.
Take down the bird immediately to that position. 
Over and out.
He broke the connection.
Okay. 
Send the helicopter and take them.
When this chemical is released... it will be your funeral, Colonel.
Let's go.
Make them ready!
Into helicopter. 
Hurry!
That's what I call a real grisigt area.
Our secret agent then?
He did not.
What's so funny?
I've waited two years for to cut his throat... to see how he's bleeding like a pig.
- Your sick bastard...
- Sergeant, let it be.
I know what we should do...
We would take him at 1 mile altitude and let him go without a parachute.
Three minutes minus 45 degrees, and without oxygen following decompression.
If he is not dead when he hits hill, he would wish he was..
- It would make him stop grinning.
- Go ahead!
Tank!
He gets what he deserves.
- Incoming!
- Prepare reunion!
Mayday! 
Mayday. 
We are met.
We're hit and crashes.
Mayday!
Was it... 
What happened?
Where the hell did they go?
has crashed and burned, Colonel.
Like the rest of the operation.
They are away from the radar, sir.
Lost contact.
- Not even tracking device works.
- Helicopters disappear just not.
- Find them.
- I'm on it, sir.
Are you okay?
Where is Marquez? 
Where is he?
Hudson...
Calm down, I'm with you.
Oh, yes...
Okay, okay. 
Let try to put you up.
wait.
Okay, let's try again. 
Now.
Sir!
Get all the wreckage and take the girl.
- You pass the command.
- That's right.
All out. 
The helicopter is unstable, everyone goes out.
- Come on, let's go.
- You heard the boss.
Corporal, using Felix.
Felix is? 
dead, boss.
Hudson and Dillinger must have fallen out.
fan.
Listen, I think it's smoke from the helicopter.
I try to get help.
- Hurry up.
- I'll be back. 
Stop here.
- Edwards and Nuemeir?
- They are dead.
So we do not fly away?
What was the first clue?
You must be kidding me.
Rico, Flores, Check the local area.
Sarge, look for two-way radios.
Sergeant! 
I need you here.
So we are looking for survivors. 
Go for it. 
Sure.
Dillinger?
- Kill me. 
Kill me.
- Do you want to die? 
Do you want to die?
Yes.
- I'll take you with me.
- You get me nowhere.
You get me nowhere!
I said, go!
Hudson.
Track.
- I think we should get out of here 
- The sooner the better. 
Go.
I have to call my superiors in Washington and clarify the situation.
situation is under control.
control, Colonel?
Your team is gone.
You do not even know if they were successful.
We only know the chemicals are released.
We do not know. 
The chemical could have been destroyed in the explosion.
No. 
I will be forced produce hammer.
What the hell does that mean?
That means I have to organize... a massive tactical attack on the area.
It's time to let it rain and get away from Marquez map.
It's not your decision, but my . 
This is my mission.
Colonel, all you have...
- is a huge miss and one summons to court-martial.
But do not worry, I will only say good things about you.
I will give Steakley more time.
Every second you delay, puts millions of lives at stake.
is several mil from nearest town and village.
48 hours, that's what I need.
No.
You may not 48 hours.
You get 24 hours.
And not a minute more.
weapon discharged, is there blood on your hands.
And your little martial... becomes the least of your worries.
Go.
Hey, Zero. 
Hey, Zero.
This is 1-6-3. 
Over.
Hey, Zero...
Felix Edwards and Nuemeir are dead.
Hudson and Dillinger missing.
Rico and Flores came back without anything other than marks.
They got what they deserve.
- Potter then?
- He survives.
Sit down.
someone to kill him, it's me.
Keep an eye on your knife.
How's the radio link, Sergeant?
satellite phone is gone, the radio just roars.
nothing in this dense jungle.
Continue attempts.
Tank.
- You guard him.
- With pleasure.
What is the situation, boss?
We landed about 4, 5 km from the village... giving us this radius.
Should we just hide and wait for download?
We should not even be here.
They send no rescue unit.
With luck, maybe it will helicopter or drone... who can look down through the trees here...
We have no air support, no radio..
- And the nearest vehicle is nearly 16 mil away in the village...
Yes, Angeles?
Captain Steakley, you an explanation for this?
Most species here are unknown... and the air is thicker.
not know about you, but I have never experienced anything like that.
And what makes you an environmental expert?
I'm a biochemist.
You're not buying this, boss?
It does not matter, Tank. 
We will not stay long enough to find out. 
The manager?
- We go in five minutes.
- Yes, sir.
Is a rocket launcher the most important you could carry with you?
Do you think we come on a tank in the jungle?
It is better to carry around it and not need it... than to need it and not have it.
- I told my ex-boyfriend.
- It gives him something to think about.
God. 
What do you think?
Maybe a gorilla?
Whoever did this, has two feet, three claws... and is fast.
- Maybe he killed them.
- With handcuffed and unarmed, right?
Maybe it was his men.
He knows more than he says.
What do you think Marquez?
- Got something to say?
- Yes.
Only you and your men will die.
And I will enjoy every moment.
Let's go.
Do you think my men let you take me, just like that?
course not.
That's why I will kill them all.
We'll see.
Marquez will pay for what he did to you.
When I first met this man, he fascinated me... passion he fought for their beliefs.
missile is why why they kidnapped you, right?
wanted me to create an airborne virus.
missile was the only means of transport.
I told them that I'd rather die...
The problem was that they not let me do it.
Haldeman... 
Sarah.
Angeles.
Captain Steakley and Marquez have known each other a long time, right?
Yes, you could say.
why we could not get reception. 
We're too low down.
- Yes, but it will be uphill.
- Where?
Where is Potter?
It can not be true.
Who saw him last?
fan. 
Potter, sign up!
You know, he can not speak.
oh well.
Steakley which squad you have here.
Something chasing us. 
We must continue go and we can not turn back.
He knows the job. 
Let's go.
- Give me the radio 
- Where are you?
I will try to receive a signal.
Sir, be careful.
It is our only radio.
Zero, this is Halo 6 Actual.
Come. 
Over.
headquarters. 
This is Captain John Steakley... the surgery lens command.
Here Team6-0-7.
Come. 
Over.
No reception there, boss?
Gather the team quickly and quietly.
Problems?
We are not alone.
Rico, Flores, go back and find out what follows us.
- Make it quiet.
- Yes, sir.
You were right about this place.
What did you see up there that scared you, boss?
I do not know.
Can you be more vague, please?
Someone followed me trees and had an eye on me.
panther? 
They are located in this area.
It did not look like a cat, more like a...
Reptile.
a small lizard scared you, boss?
That's not all. 
The water... did not normal, and tasted weird...
It smelled different, and burned the skin.
I have a theory, but you will not like it.
I do not like it before...
But I want to hear it.
A few years ago, paleontologists found a large crater in the rainforest... with a diameter of almost 10 mil.
Come on, how can something so big go unnoticed?
It was overgrown and can not be seen from the air.
Impossible.
There are over 160,930 square miles unexplored rainforest in South America.
incredible is not it.
crater was not the discovery...
- but there were creatures that lived there in almost 50 million years...
Cut off from the rest of the world.
completely isolated ecosystems.
plants were different, just like water.
So you think we're in a old, unexplored crater?
Yes.
"The Lost World".
- As the movie?
- By Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
It's a book about people on an expedition to South America.
find a plateau where still dinosaurs.
Then it's like the movie, then?
I do not think we need worry about dinosaurs.
But there are dangers.
I think we have only scratched the surface of what we found here.
All is well and good so far, but how do we get out?
can continue for 16 mil in all directions.
- We follow the stream.
- What power?
flowing westward. 
We go back and look for it.
- It must lead somewhere, right?
- Yes, makes sense.
theory.
Okay. 
We rest a little now.
We go on line.
If something moves, shoot it.
I hate jungle.
- Did you hear something?
- Straight ahead, 6-7 meters.
- Is that what took Potter?
- I think he wants to fool us.
there.
Whatever we hunt, it's more than one.
I doubt that we are hunters.
Flores!
Tank, stay with the woman.
You two come with me.
- Not again.
- Hold yourself together, Sergeant.
Half the squad is dead, it is an appropriate time for panic.
What do you think?
What do we do next?
I think we are going to hunt.
- Do something?
- It's like the jungle swallowed them.
- It is teeming with predators. 
Find them.
- Yes, sir.
- The time is almost over, Colonel.
- Steakley and his team makes contact.
Keep your word, do not rush. 
My men will return home alive.
I hope so, for both your and their sake.
Something is not correct here.
Have not felt right since we got here.
What the hell was that?
It was like hell.
It's impossible.
Hey, Doc. 
Did not you say there were dinosaurs?
- It was just a theory.
- It was a lousy theory.
Are these even the crater in Brazil?
- Hey, boss.
- What?
I see in syne, or is it someone who feeds dinosaurs?
Give me that.
- Is it Potter?
- It does not look like him.
- Wait here.
- Where are you?
I'll talk a little bit.
Good morning.
Do you have time?
Stop.
Stop. 
Stop.
Take your things and come with me.
- You are a terrorist.
- I told you to come with me.
No. 
Go away.
manager, what happens down there?
Perfect.
Are you crazy?
You could have killed it.
- That was the plan.
- It is thanks to them that you are alive.
- Come on.
- Release.
Okay. 
Quick, look at this.
Triceratops. 
It only protect their offspring.
Incredible.
No, that's incredible.
manager has problems. 
Take this, you will need it. 
Sarge!
- Come with me.
- Yes, boss.
- Sergeant, remove this nut case.
- Go.
- Do not shoot.
- Go!
Look at him.
- We do not have time for this, we need to go.
- Follow me!
- Where is Marquez?
- No idea.
Awesome.
Come on!
The bigger they are...
- Where did you learn to shoot like that?
- My father.
Let's go.
Come.
Come, now we are.
Come.
Come.
Come, come.
Look where you are going.
down.
welcome. 
Down here.
I had not had time to clean.
Beware of piranhas.
No, do not worry.
We are safe here.
What is this place?
Do you live here?
Yes, in about five years.
But I'm busy, so I might have lost one year or so.
Have you stayed alone in the cave for 5 years?
not alone. 
I am never alone.
I met some friends and even some enemies.
Including that one.
Who is this?
Let it be.
This is my friend and... colleague Mr. Driscoll.
We discovered the crater together.
Unfortunately he died the day we got here.
Have you ever tried to get out?
I tried. 
I have long been looking for a suitable way out of here.
And then I found this cave.
gives me protection from everything out there.
And this is the only source to fresh water in the area.
I have accepted my fate.
This is exactly where I belong.
Where I belong.
So, who are you?
Professor Malcolm Roxton.
Rather, ex-professor.
Comparative Anatomy of and evolutionary biology.
I'm honored.
I have read all about your phylogenetic systematics.
- Your discoveries are fascinating.
- Thanks.
You understand that there is a blessing to be here.
I know more about prehistoric biology than any other.
You have certainly been through a lot.
But we have urgent questions about the location.
Well, dear students...
Those are dinosaurs.
After about 65 million years of evolutionary adaptation... and natural selection.
Just as I thought.
We are in a crater with an isolated ecosystem.
- But if nothing comes out, so...
- A +.
Does that mean we can not get out?
I said I stopped watching. 
I told not think there is no way out.
I have spent nearly a decade here... by creating a map of the crater.
Here
Where are we?
Here.
We follow the stream to an output.
Not a bad plan, but there is a problem.
- What kind of problems?
- Jo... river runs down and stops here.
Death Valley.
- "Death Valley"?
- Literally.
You do not want to go there.
Why? 
What's so big and dangerous that?
- A T-Rex to?
- Much worse.
Much worse. 
Much worse.
- But there is a way out?
- Yes, I'm pretty sure.
Okay. 
Then we take that route.
If we come across any problems... we shoot ourselves out.
This is the last untouched ecosystems on earth.
I can not see when you destroy it.
We shoot idiot and leave.
It's not our style.
Professor, I should have your pets in mind...
- but they will be in my people road, shoot them down.
understand?
With this logic, I can not say.
Good.
Captain, I know we have our differences.
And I've already thanked you.
But honestly, I do not that I can thank you enough... to give me back my life.
It remains to be seen.
What exactly between you and Marquez?
It's simple, Marquez is a sadistic dictator.
He is ruthless. 
He would kill half of his country's population to get the other half.
But you've probably already on it.
My job was simple, fast him out and get him.
But in the end it was it is anything but easy.
I was 2 years after the time and everything started to degenerate.
He killed his own people.
First, only men, then women.
And then the kids.
In every village I visited I found a dead child.
then two, then three.
My failure cost too many lives.
This is my last chance to bring him to justice.
fail me this time, I am away from the mission and Marquez is free.
You can not let him get away.
manager, you have to leave the mission.
I can not but Marquez.
Although he is here, you will never find him.
And what happens if you find him?
I get the professor to lead me the valley of death, just as you...
I do not plan to stay here for 15 years.
let us help you. 
There are no need to split.
Successfully complete the mission and win the girl.
Stops you mission, you risk a court martial.
Let them try. 
That's an order.
He does not have all the horses at home.
Funny that it comes from a guy living with dinosaurs.
Is it just me or seems this be a bad way to go?
He's right. 
If something happens out here, we have no edge protection.
Gentlemen... and ladies, these riverbeds is the only way out.
Here we encounter not so great. 
Not until we come to the valley of death.
- How far is it?
- The notice you.
Trust me.
Should you use knife?
Let's see if you still have a spark of honor.
Want more?
- Want more?
- What do you think?
- The manager has probably found Marquez.
- Or has someone found them.
stand.
Come!
I need more ammo!
Hit with the new magazine!
You saved my life, Marquez.
But it does not change anything.
Not for a second...
Captain.
- A gift for you, Marquez.
- They need me.
I do this for my men.
They take care of you later.
- Professor, how far is it?
- We are on the right track.
Safe? 
Because I think we walk in circles.
Trust me. 
Captain, I want get you out of here as soon as possible.
You do not belong here.
you understand.
Before you came, everything was harmonious.
clean.
you is chaos.
Your presence means death and destruction for these wonderful animals.
Wonderful animals, who want make us a buffet?
Maybe... 
He deserved perhaps death.
You really have humor.
Where are you?
toilet. 
If is your captain allowed.
Go ahead, Professor.
There is something impressive place.
With the right resources and tools can learn.
- You're kidding.
- This place has evolutionary advantages.
It is as if we have made a journey.
- What?
- It was a metaphor.
- It's not a metaphor.
- We will never feel like this again.
- Yes, we are dead.
- Yes.
Think rationally.
Sure, it can be fatal.
But this crater is an incredible discovery.
We are in a place that no one has seen before.
- Except for the mad professor.
- Yes, except him.
And where is he? 
The Professor!
Chief, can you hear it?
Be ready.
No!
What...
What happened?
- What happened?
- Shut up.
- But...
- I said, shut up!
I lost a man due one of your harmless dinosaurs.
Well, to be fair: 
This is their country and we are intruders.
Really?
If you say another word, I put a bullet in your head.
I'm sorry for your loss . 
Really.
But these craters... this lost world...
- is perhaps the last place where these animals live.
- I just want to protect it.
- You will not be with us, right?
No, ma'am.
- You're not serious.
- This is ridiculous.
The world is your home.
I do not belong there anymore. 
I...
- My home is here.
- But, Malcolm...
You can return with equipment, assistants.
What are you laughing at?
Hey.
- What are you laughing at?
- To you.
Your capitalist think you own the world.
you think you own everything you see...
It's disgusting.
This man wants to protect his home.
you and your government, your company...
He knows that this place will never be the same... if the world finds out about it.
Where is the crime of protecting his home?
I condemn him.
I respect him.
Boss, I'm not taking a sermon of this madman and child killer.
Give me the map.
Excuse?
Give me the map.
You knew Triceratops that were here.
He would lead us to death.
May I take him at once?
You said death valley is the only way out.
That's right, it's the road.
We do not need him. 
We map.
- He will.
- Are you serious?
Maybe we could use you yet.
Take stuff. 
We move on.
- Thanks.
- For what?
give them someone to hate more than me.
Okay.
valley is probably behind the rocks.
It will be dark soon . 
Should not we camp?
Can I get water?
Can I get water?
Do you think the fat ugly rhino follow us?
Impossible.
It has a brain the size of a tennis ball.
So it has probably forgotten us as soon as we left the valley.
velociraptorerna...
They have to look for.
They have followed you, probably since you came.
Awesome.
Either way, they attack only as long as they have the upper hand.
So you are safe. 
Do not worry.
moment.
your team handled things lately, I think we should worry us.
Enough Q  A, No, we move on.
Let's go.
We go over.
Welcome to Death Valley.
- Damn.
- The professor was not joking.
- What about ammunition?
- Well...
We have half a dozen grenades...
Some flash bangs and than ten cartridge belts.
It's not enough.
You forgot something.
have included rocket launcher seems like a good idea.
How valley lead us from here?
Even if we get past the dinosaurs.
If we take up the hill, we can probably get signal.
"About" and "probably" are two words I love to hear during a debriefing.
Should we fight these dinosaurs we will need all the ammunition.
Captain... 
Chief, you said you would not hurt them.
no longer applies, because you got my Seargent killed.
Okay, so you mean that you want blast a path from here to there...
- And hope for the best.
- That's the plan.
Okay, okay. 
That's it.
I can not be a part of this massacre.
It contradicts everything I work for.
So why do I say goodbye ladies and gentlemen.
I guarantee you, Professor, They are with me to the end.
This is crazy.
When we crossed the valley, you can go back to your cave.
Until: 
Welcome to the war.
These animals are the most dangerous predators on earth... during the last 65 million years.
How did you expect you survive that?
Tank.
With the help of modern military technology.
And go!
I know we never really agreed...
Wait!
Coverage.
Coverage!
- See where you shoot 
- There was so little.
Coverage!
- Tank, you've run out of ammo?
- Everything is finished.
Fort, we are approaching.
Colonel, time runs out.
Steakley still alive. 
I know that.
For his sake, I hope not.
This is Grimaldi.
Gives orders to strike.
Destroy the jungle. 
Now.
Coverage!
manager, use the radio to summon help.
Give me all your weapons.
Gun too.
Tank, the you may need. 
Hurry now!
- What is he doing?
- He saves us.
Captain...
I have them.
You are back on the radar.
Hey, Grimaldi? 
They live.
Avblås attack.
I'm sorry. 
It's too late.
No, it is not.
Air handset. 
At once.
Avblås it.
You really want to war right, right, sir?
talk and avblås attack.
Do it! 
Make the call.
Well, do you want to play this game... so we play your game.
Grimaldi.
Cancel the order.
I repeat:
Cancel attack.
When this is over, Colonel, you're out.
- Have you found them yet?
- Positive.
Okay. 
We will send a helicopter and home ina men safe.
Yes, sir.
Tank!
You do not know if they have the girl.
It does not matter. 
My mission now is to bring home my team.
They are all replaceable, Colonel.
are we all.
out of my bass.
Now!
What a crappy boot.
6 Actual, head here.
Helicopter on its way.
Haldeman here. 
Understood. 
Over.
Do you think you are here?
Come on ladies, for me.
Come. 
Come on.
Take the gun, boss.
I'd used it.
Let's go. 
Come.
Come Marquez. 
Go!
Come, we must go!
Okay, lift!
Go! 
Go!
How do we explain it?
we do not.

Zubair Chisti.
Construction king of Bradford and Manchester.
Owner of hotels and clubs to boot.
we've been trying to meet you since the last three months.
I know.
Arindam Ghosh.
10 years in Rajputana Rifles.
on special duty for the PM for five years.
And an active member of the Mukti Bahani for two years.
I know.
And I also know why you've been sent to England by your government.
According to our agencies his companies have funded..
..the Jihadi group behind the bomb blast in Delhi last week.
Iqbal Ghani and my father used to be good friends.
They came to London together.
They worked together.
And then, over a small issue, he killed your father.
Even I know everything.
I, too, have been waiting for an opportunity to kill him.
But for the sake of my business' prosperity..
..I think it's wise to forget the enemity for the time being.
My government isn't in the mood to forget.
I can't help you.
Sorry.
Let's go, sir.
I told you, this won't work.
Rafiq.
He's Rafiq.
He used to work for Ghani.
He knows everything about Iqbal Ghani.
Perhaps he might be of some use to you.
Imam Zaidi.
Ghani's friend.
His confidant.
He has been with Ghani for the last 20 years.
Mohammad Bakraan.
A holy man.
He usually keeps reading the Koran.
But if anyone even tries to harm Ghani..
He can kill him without blinking an eye.
Muraad.
A new recruit.
Ghani's distant relative's son.
who is he?
Long time ago there was a shootout in Lester.
Ghani's closest friend, his accountant died in it.
After that Ghani brought his son up as his own.
Now he's most loyal to Ghani.
If you want to kill Ghani, you'll have to kill him first.
what's his name?
David.
Zubair 'bhai' (brother) has sent his greetings and well wishes..
For your new project.
He's very happy for you.
He has sent a special gift for you.
100% finance and with only 50% profit in return.
Mr. Smith is financing this project.
Ghani Sahib, this is an act of friendship.
Please don't take otherwise
That's why I am personally here to meet you.
So, Ghani bhai, what have you decided?
Everyone will benefit from this friendship.
Your decision. 
Our money.
we'll split the profit.
It's business so it's better if we resolve it in business terms.
Anyway, bullets have become very expensive these days.
whether you use them or we..
Not so expensive that we can't get rid of trash.
Mr. Smith, next time you come to me directly.
Usually I am more hospitable than this.
why don't you come home for dinner tonight, with your family.
we can always discuss business later.
"You are our support, Oh Lord."
"Guide us in dark nights, Oh Lord."
"Oh. 
Lord."
Life is not fair.
what else will you call the fire that..
..that burnt down the houses adjoining the Bandra railway lines?
Afew lives were lost.
But people also lost their houses, homes and businesses.
Everything was ruined.
Everything.
is it ill-fate or a bad phase?
Today, I've called you here to..
..help those unemployed homeless people.
Go.
As much as you want.
I know no one here is rich or loaded.
Tanker! 
- The water tanker is here!
- The water tanker is here!
Listen!
Hey!
Dad..
water?
Oh God. 
- Oh God.
This meal.. 
- This meal..
is your blessing. - ls your blessing.
Help us.. 
- Help us..
with every sip and with every bit of food..
Amen.
Always take.. 
- Always take..
Your name. 
- Your name.
Amen. 
- Amen.
So, dad, how much did you manage to collect?
10 million?
A hundred thousand? 
Thousand?
100 bucks?
Not even 100?
Dad..
You don't know how to deliver a speech.
If it would've been me, people would've given bags full of money.
They wouldn't run away.
Oh yes, with that money you would've got her married.
In Dubai. 
And Alice, in an engineering college..
I don't want to get into engineering.
I don't want to marry.
You don't!
Fine.
with that money, I would've got married in Dubai.
And I would've done engineering.
David..
To give with a hope of return is meaningless.
I feel happy when I help.
And you, when you taunt.
Hello, Father. 
- Hello, Father.
Come in.
Join us for dinner.
Come in.
Yes, please do come in.
Join us for dinner.
There's a lot to eat.
Come in. 
- David..
Finish your dinner.
what will be left for them if I eat?
Dad, it's going fine.
what?
My music.
You enquire about it everyday, but today you forgot.
David...
Stay with me till my ride comes.
No.
Come on. I want to talk to you.
Shall I..
Fine.
Come with me.
I don't have a cigarette.
Cigarette? 
who smokes?
Oh, really?
So you are not here to ask for a cigarette?
why don't you just tell me that you don't want to talk to me?
why lie unnecessarily?
well, there are two cigarettes lying with dad.
Shall I get them?
Mr. Pandey paid me a visit in the office yesterday.
For money.
Then?
Then what?
He created a scene and left.
This has happened for the second time this month.
I've an offer to do a devotional album next month.
I'll get enough money from it.
I'll make hymns and return his money.
You'll keep such hair and sing hymns?
"Hail Krishna! 
Hail Rama!"
Hey, music knows no religion.
Okay?
what, uncle? 
An upset stomach?
Dad will be very happy to hear your hymns.
Yeah.
Let him think what he wants to.
It makes no difference to me.
what do you gain by getting angry on dad so often? 
He's fine the way he is.
Everything's not fine.
And to make things fine, I'll have to get out of here.
I'll also have to leave.
My ride is here.
See you.
Hey, Suzie, I'll become a famous musician.
I'll get you married in Dubai.
And will send donation to Father Noel every month.
why do you insist on getting me married in Dubai?
Sheikhs there really like beauties like you.
I got lucky today!
I've hit the jackpot!
Damn man! "Here comes Peter!"
Hey, Roderick!
Just a minute. 
Just a minute.
Excuse me.
Just a minute. 
Just a minute.
How much?
You want the first catch?
Then go to the vegetable market.
You shouldn't come to Peter.
Here you go. 
Be happy.
How much?
This won't suffice. 
Everyday..
For 100 bucks all you'll get is its photo.
You can fry it. want some?
David!
Merry Christmas, David!
David!
David!
Christmas comes once a year.
Today is my Christmas!
Then I'm Santa Clause today.
Now you just wait and watch, from the next month..
Quantity will double and profit, triple.
How?
Look, whatever we make we give 80% of it as boat rent.
So what are we left with?
Nada.
Now we'll have our own boat, David.
How?
I'm getting married.
How? 
with whom?
You know the guy in our village? 
Almeda.
You are getting married to him?
No. 
His daughter.
Oh yes.
But she is dumb and deaf.
And your wife is characterless.
Have I ever objected it?
what?
She is mute. it's perfect for me.
what do I do everyday?
I get drunk and get into a fight everyday.
A normal girl will nag me to death.
Yes, of course.
- She won't say a word.
She is mute.
If she won't say anything, I won't hear anything.
If I won't hear anything, I won't get irritated.
If I don't get irritated then my health and mood will stay sexy!
But both, her incoming and outgoing are not working.
Half-blind aunt, talk sense into your son.
Asshole, I'll kill you right away!
Bloody talking nonsense!
You know what you are doing, right?
100 percent.
I'm getting a boat in dowry.
Peter, better keep your wife in check.
Otherwise, she, too, will run away like David's wife did.
Briganza, want some general knowledge?
Your sister has 12 moles on her body.
Eight have been seen by the entire village, even your friends.
There are three which only she can see.
And there is one which only I can see, exclusively.
Do you want me to tell you where it is, you scoundrel?
Peter!
Forget it.
Forget it.
Peter, you're getting married, right?
Better keep your wife tied down.
Otherwise, looking at this ill-omened chap, she, too, will run away.
Briganza..
All this has happened because of you. 
Shut up.
what did you just say?
I said, Peter, you're getting married..
Hey, you hit my mother!
"Maria's father is a cheater.."
Mom!
what is it, mom?
How many times have I told you not to fight with those rascals!
Yes? 
Hey, come on now, let's go home.
Bloody pig.
Aunt, I told him not to fight.
Get lost, you dog! 
Get lost!
Mom!
- Come on.
You will find it much tastier if you eat with your hands.
Your wife might disagree, but you should try it.
No, thank you.
Try it.
My house, my rules.
Hello.
Good evening, folks.
we have...guests.
what's for dinner?
So you found the time to have dinner with us?
Mr. Smith, this is my son.
He doesn't have any traits of his father.
But my wife assures me that he is mine.
Eat your food quietly.
Don't force me to slap you in front of everyone.
And tidy yourself up.
Please.
Fatima Bi (lady), some flatbreads please.
what is it? 
why do you look so upset?
Nothing.
- l'll tell you.
She is not saying anything because she is scared.
we've got a marriage proposal for Noor from a very nice family in Lahore.
She wants to accept it right away.
But Noor..
Only you can talk some sense into her.
Noor, my child, come here.
what do you say?
Should we send you to Lahore?
No.
Fatima Bi, you've been with our family for 20 years.
I respect you.
It's justified that you are worried about your young daughter.
But if she isn't willing, you shouldn't force her.
But she says that she doesn't want to get married!
what's wrong in starting things off if the family is good?
"what's wrong in starting things off, huh?"
You were acting smart in front of everyone.
Are you scared of a bad name or your deed, asshole?
Should I marry a stupid Pathan?
Should I go to Pakistan, huh?
what is wrong with Pakistan?
what is good about it?
Their cricketers.
Their...poets.
But what do I like?
Do you know?
what?
I like..
Agangster!
This is groovy, man.
Groovy.
David, coming?
You alright?
You alright?
Don't go out.
Your father will get angry.
How will he know?
Jehanzeb..
If I know something, he knows it too.
David..
You have better things to do.
Let's go..
Party!
Hey.
what's your name?
David.
what's your name?
My name's Mariyam.
He's my son, David.
what's your name?
Mother..
wedding should take place next month.
I'll bear all the expenses.
Three hundred thousand in cash as well..
My blessings, for the couple.
I need time to think.
It will be better.
will you ask the girl to come, please?
A big piece of land back there.
My second blessing, for the couple.
Fine. 
But will you call the girl, please?
Two flats in Panjim.
My third blessing..
For the couple. 
- For the couple.
At least call for the girl.
Blessie!
And she has even done a beauty course.
She is very good in waxing.
Have a look.
Have a look.
She has done everyone's waxing in this house.
This house is also on her name.
My fourth blessing...for the couple.
Today she made me meet a baldy.
In future she will make me meet a dumb, deaf, lame girl.
I don't want to get married!
I know for sure.
Mom is seeing someone.
She's having an affair.
She wants me to get married and get rid off me, so that she herself can settled down with someone
Bonehead, your mother was young when your father passed away.
She didn't do anything back then.
And now, when she wants you to settle down so that she can die in peace..
You are accusing her.
But I can't get married, Frenny.
I don't get along with women.
So do you get along with me?
Yes, I do.
Because when Annie left me at the altar..
Everyone laughed at me.
You were the only one who cried with me.
How many times do I have to tell you, David?
Annie stole money from the till and ran away.
That's the reason I cried.
But...you cried with me, right?
Come on, uncle. 
- But..
Come on, time's up, enough of massage. 
Come on.
You were the only one, right?
That's when I promised myself..
That I'll involve you in every aspect of my life.
what mess has Annie got me into!
Darn her!
Come on..
Let me share a secret with you.
It should be top-class, got it?
Have you heard about Screwy-Santa?
That's me. 
Screwy-Santa.
Mom..
Yeah?
Hey!
Come on! 
Get lost!
Never come back to my massage parlor.
what is this?
I'm trying to make things better for you..
And you are yapping about Screwy-Santa all across the village.
Idiot.
But, dad, Frenny won't tell anyone about it.
She is my friend.
what kind of a friend is she?
She's not your friend.
when Annie left you, you became the butt of everyone's joke, right?
when these people will find out about your Screwy-Santa act..
..they will fry you like a fish and eat you up.
Okay. 
Fine.
But you tell mom not to get me married.
Oh, man. 
She never listened to me when I was alive.
why will she after I'm dead?
You miss mom, don't you?
Shut up.
But there's one thing.. 
- Yes?
Had I been alive, I would've repaired..
..the short-circuit between you and women.
But it's still not too late.
Come on, let's get drunk and discuss women.
No.
Hey!
No. I don't want to drink.
Are you or aren't you my son?
Hey, come on, man.
Come on.
Let's go.
Come, let's get drunk.
Sorry.
I'm David. 
Aguitarist.
I was here yesterday as well, sir.
You were here yesterday.
You are here today.
You'll be here tomorrow and the day after as well.
So what do I do?
Sir, if I could meet Mr. Trilok..
Andy, get me a cup of coffee, please.
Sit.
Thank you.
I've been his manager for many years.
I know, sir.
That's why I've come to you.
Sir, if you want..
To want..
It's important to have something..
Sir, I don't have something..
But, sir, I have a gift for you.
what's this? 
- lt's imported, sir.
Made in Hong Kong. 
- Oh!
And this is made in Bandra.
And what is this?
- My demo tape, sir.
For Mr. Trilok.
Please.
Bitch!
Bull..
Mummy! 
Hi!
Hi! 
Mamma's rock star!
School's over?
Hey, man.
How was school? 
Good? 
Fine?
- Fine.
Are you hungry? 
- Yes.
Yeah? 
Hi, dad.
Hi, uncle.
Okay. 
Go inside.
Mamma is coming in two minutes.
Ma'am, this is the first song which you've picked up so quickly.
I'm impressed.
I wanted to learn it quickly so that I can teach it to Shaurya.
This song?
! 
- Yup.
why this song?
This song is so old.
Mr. A.K. Hangal used to listen to it when he was just a kid.
we'll teach him some nice, rocking song.
Actually, Shreedhar and my first car was an old second hand ambassador.
One cassette was stuck in its tape recorder.
we had to listen to this song time and again, whenever we used to go out.
After selling the car, we used to miss this song more than the car.
I heard this song again on radio yesterday afternoon.
Sometimes I feel as if Shreedhar is..
..looking for new ways to make me think of him.
Okay. 
So this song, too, has a flashback.
This is the problem with memories.
They show up anytime, without a reason and tickle you.
Tickle?
Tickle.
Aguitarist and a philosopher.
Oh.
Jesus took his time while creating me.
Oh, really?
I'm late.
Bye, Neelam ma'am. 
Got to run.
Bye. 
- Tomorrow at 4:00pm, okay?
See you. 
- Bye.
we can't wait any longer.
Can he wait?
what did you say? 
No?
If he can't then we can't either.
He was getting married next month.
Shakeel was my only nephew.
You want Ghani, right?
I, too, want him.
whatever help you need, I'll give it to you.
But Ghani will have to die.
Ali Akbar mounted on the horse.
And fought such a battle at the battlefield..
..that in Ali Akbar's battle people saw a glimpse of Hazrat Ali.
Oh Hussain! 
- Oh Hussain!
Oh Hussain! 
- Oh Hussain!
Oh Hussain! 
- Oh Hussain!
Oh, Sakeena, where are you going?
Give him back to me! 
Hussain!
Hussain! 
Hussain! 
Hussain Shah!
Hussain! 
Hussain! 
Hussain Shah!
Hussain! 
Hussain! 
Hussain Shah!
Hussain! 
Hussain! 
Hussain Shah!
Let's go. 
Let's go.
Sir!
Let's go!
Let's go! 
Hurry up! 
Let's go!
Ready? 
- Ready.
One, two, three, four.
"lt's an amazing day."
"Just think about it."
"lt's just crazy."
"Just look around."
"You're alone, so am I.."
"we're having so much fun together.."
How was it? 
Superb, right?
Thanks, David.
I've never seen Shaurya so happy.
He was looking so cute, wasn't he?
He or me?
Both of you.
Sorry, ma'am. I'll just make a phone call and be right back.
Yes, sir?
It's me, David, the guitarist.
who? 
The one with lots of hair?
You're the one who gave me that watch, right?
Yes, sir.
Tell me. what can I do for you?
Do you have some work with me?
Forget work. 
Do you have a passport?
Yes, sir. I do.
And do you have another watch?
The watch that you gave me isn't working properly.
It's running backwards.
Yes, sir.
Of course. I'll get you a new watch.
Sir, you were saying something about the passport..
where do I have to go?
- To a place where they sell watches.
You'll get another watch for me.
And you'll give it to me. 
Got it?
Now listen to me very carefully.
Mr. Trilok heard your demo tape.
He has selected you for a music festival.
You have to go to US.
Come here with your passport, tomorrow.
Hello? 
Hello?
Yes, sir. 
Thank you so much, sir.
So, I'll come there right away.
Not today. 
Come to the office tomorrow with your passport.
And don't forget to get a new watch.
Forget the watch, I'll get you an alarm clock.
Thank you. 
Thank you. 
Thank you.
My rock star! 
You were so good!
Ma'am. 
Ma'am.
Come. 
Come. 
Come.
what? 
what?
Just come, come, come.
Please come. 
- David.
I'm going!
I'm going.
Didn't I tell you that I'll make it big?
I've got a job, ma'am. - wow!
Music director Mr. Trilok has personally selected me for his world tour.
You know, Neelam ma'am, other than Suzie..
..you are the only one who believed in me.
I have to go home and inform Suzie, Alice, Father Noel..
Father Noel will be the happiest because I'm going.
Thank you, Neelam ma'am.
You really are my lucky charm.
Hey, keep your passport ready.
Bye, ma'am.
what happened?
Your girl won't be coming?
No. I mean what if you don't like her?
That's what I'm worried about.
So what?
You won't marry her?
You just say it once, brother.
Just say it.
I'll cancel the wedding right away.
But we'll lose the boat as well.
Don't blame me later.
tuka zai zai ..tuka zai zai bareek bareek wakol tuka zai
Hey, she's coming.
where were you yesterday?
You didn't come to meet me.
Oh, church.
I thought your father thrashed you.
True.
Brother, she is Roma.
Roma...
David.
David..
Let me show you something.
Roma, your father is a loser.
An asshole.
tuzo bapoi pizoo..
Crazy ..pichanche kutum tujhe.
Love you.
Bro, her play button and the speakers are not working.
But she's a nice girl.
I just keep blabbering anything.
But..
She can see.
Of course she can, bro.
It's a bit too much for you.
tuka zai zai ..tuka zai zai lt's a bit too much for you.
Okay.
Paritosh..
Jehanzeb?
where is Jehanzeb?
Father..
Jehanzeb!
Father..
Paritosh, what are you thinking about? 
Shoot him.
It's your mother, right?
You're out of bullets.
I'm not.
Paritosh, why are you talking to him? 
Shoot!
Your mother was Ghani's keep.
Do you know that?
Scoundrel! 
Rascal! 
Son of a bitch!
what are you doing?
!
- You swine!
Get off my way. 
Move!
No..
Let go of him. 
- Let go of me.
what...what.. 
- Let go of me.
Let go.. 
- Father..
Let go of him.
Let go of him. 
Move!
Enough!
Enough!
Enough is enough!
Do you want to kill him!
If I want, I can kill you right away.
But we want Ghani, not you.
we're the same, David.
The only difference is, I'm loyal to my country, and you..
To that deceitful Ghani.
He has been cheating people for years.
First, he killed your father.
Then he kept your mother as his keep till she died.
All this is a lie.
- No, it's not!
And now...now he has made you his pet dog.
You are ashamed to call him your son?
The truth is you are ashamed of yourself.
Because you've been an unsuccessful father!
If you would've shown concern for our son..
..as you showed for David then you wouldn't have to feel embarrassed!
All he knows is how to use people.
we were here to punish him for the sins he committed in the name of religion.
But you have a better reason to punish him.
And if you feel that I'm lying, here..
Kill us whenever you want.
But if it is true then you'll help us kill Ghani.
Come on..
what?
David!
David! 
- Yes. 
Yes. 
Yes.
You are my brother, David!
Yes. 
- Hey, when did you come?
maje rani, mazhe moga ..
tujhe dolyat sodhata thav ..
fulafullak pushit aayalo ..
fulafullak pushit..
Love you.
He's asleep. 
Go home.
Goodnight.
Yes. 
Bye-bye.
what?
Hey! 
what?
what!
Yes.
Home?
Go.
Home flew away!
Oh.
It didn't?
You..
To drop?
I've to drop you home?
Drop you home..
No. lt's too far.
what is it?
Yes?
Huh?
Hey..
Huh?
Yes. 
Yes. 
Yes.
Yes!
Life is a video-game..
Played by God.
Oops.
God.
Punch, kicks and biffs..
He gave me everything.
But did I question it? 
No.
But today, I have finally..
won this game!
Hey!
Dad..
No more church, bar and singing hymns.
Because I am going abroad.
Your son is going on a world tour.
world tour! 
- Yes!
with whom?
- with music director Mr. Trilok.
He has selected me. 
Me! 
Me!
David.
Now I know, dad, that you must be feeling sad..
That your son is leaving this house.
He's going on a world tour.
- But the thing is, dad..
Really?
- ..when a bird gets its wings..
It should fly away.
But don't you worry, dear sisters!
Very soon, I'll free you two birdies, too, from here.
So get ready!
Father Noel!
Come outside!
Father Noel, come outside!
Long live Malti 'Tai' (sister)!
Long live Malti 'Tai'!
Long live Malti 'Tai'!
Long live Malti 'Tai'!
Long live Malti 'Tai'!
Malti 'Tai'!
Malti 'Tai'!
Dad? 
Dad, who are they?
- No, no..
Long live.. 
- Malti 'Tai'!
Long live Malti 'Tai'!
Dad, who are they?
- No, no, no, no, no.
I don't know.
- Let's go inside. 
- Dad..
Monsters like Father Noel wish to destroy religion.
They want to hollow our society.
This poisonous snake is using western culture as his weapon..
..is trying to destroy our religion.
Dad, you go inside.
I'll go and check.
No, I'll check. 
- No.
He is forcing our innocent men..
- Dad! 
No!
He is luring them into converting their religion.
He's converting them into Christians.
No. 
No, this is a lie.
This monster should be punished.
Hit him! 
Hit him! 
Hit him!
Hit him! 
Hit him! 
Hit him!
Love live.. 
- Malti 'Tai'!
Down with.. 
- Father Noel!
Dad! 
Dad!
Hit him! 
Hit him! 
Hit him!
Hit him! 
Hit him! 
Hit him!
Dad!
David! 
David!
David! 
Get up!
Dad.. 
David! 
Get up!
David!
'This protest rally that you are seeing belongs to Competent India Committee.'
'Malti 'Tai', famous for her numerous deeds..'
'..is about to take a new step today, against conversion.'
'Hit him! 
Hit him!
'
'Hit him! 
Hit him!
'
'This isn't an ordinary battle, this is a battle for religion.'
Everything happened so quickly that we didn't get a chance to react.
If you have the courage..
Even a minute is enough.
Hey, I know him.
He's a real estate agent.
The one in black jacket.
You know where l can find him?
Iqbal, get a grip.
This isn't the time to shatter.
I won't let you shatter.
Think sensibly.
How will I face the society if anyone comes to know about it?
I'll lose the respect I've earned over the years.
I've a solution.
with Mr. Shah Hussain..
A bride gift of 1.25 hundred thousand pounds on this date.
And give it to you for the wedding.
Do you accept this marriage?
Do you accept this marriage?
I do.
I do.
Sign here.
Congratulations. 
- Congratulations.
Congratulations.
Sometimes, wrong is right.
Especially when it's about your honor.
You are family. 
You understand.
Perhaps I am your culprit.
But this was necessary.
You knew everything.
Yet you acted ignorant.
This is a temporary wedding.
Only on paper.
So that we can tell the world nothing's wrong with Jehanzeb.
And that he is a decent family man.
It can be nullified in a year.
Then you..
You and Noor..
My mother was Ghani's keep.
True..
..or untrue?
what are you staring at?
I've tolerated enough.
I can handle another truth.
Did Ghani kill my father?
Iqbal was madly in love with your mother.
But your father was also his good friend.
why did he hide this from me?
He didn't have the courage.
He feared losing you.
He still does.
David..
A lot of pain and despair lies in your eyes.
I want to give you some advice.
Don't do anything such in rage which would destroy everything.
I'm leaving. 
Come with me.
Did you hear me?
Come with me!
Leave.
You scoundrel! 
You son of a bitch!
Am I only a body?
!
Don't I have a soul?
!
You don't want to leave, right?
Fine.
I'll stay here.
with you.
In this house.
In your bed.
You grew up without your father, right?
But my child will grow up with his father.
Did you hear me!
Anyone can do anything they want.
Dad, I need to talk.
Go away. I am busy.
Dad, I need to talk.
Come..
You should have told me earlier.
why are you making a double omelet of a single egg
Dad, she kissed me! 
Kiss!
Look at the mark.
Oh, come on!
A peck on the cheek is not a kiss!
Foreigners keep pecking each other on the cheek..
..all day for no reason .
But, dad..
Of all the women in the world, you could only find her?
So what if she is deaf and dumb.
She is still human!
You donkey, she is Peter's fiancée.
She is your 'Bhabhi' (sister-in-law).
Not Savita 'Bhabhi' (slutty sister-in-law).
But, dad, I love her..
Oh, my thickheaded son..
I realize you are going to inaugurate at the age of 40..
But know this before you move those scissors.
You'll be the one cutting and you'll be the one cut too.
Because Peter is your friend.
Understand this!
You son of a bitch!
How dare you make my son drink!
Come, let's go.
where did she kiss you?
Here.
Have a look.
Here or here?
There's a lot of difference.
Here somewhere.
Plus one.
were the eyes open or shut?
Hers or mine?
Hers!
Open.
Minus one.
what?
- Make it rough. 
Don't go soft.
Okay, where were her hands?
On your hair..
On your shoulder..
On your back..
Or your..
I don't remember.
Another minus point.
Okay, for how long did the kiss last?
Just a minute.
- One full minute!
Hey!
Come on, man!
You are absolutely amazing!
Not even heroines kiss for that long.
Oh man. I meant give me a minute..
To recall..
Mosquito.
Yes.
It lasted for about two seconds.
Two seconds.
Now you are talking.
Look, she is interested in you.
That's for sure.
Now whether the bank named Roma..
..gives you 2% interest or 81/2 % interest..
Or whether she gives you full 100% festival bumper..
You should meet her and find that out.
Okay.
Look, David, in this world there is only one emotion, called love.
the rest of them are loose motions.
So what do I do now?
Get on your ride.
Hey! 
Hey! 
Hey!
I need to talk to you.
Not bath. 
Talk to you.
I need to talk to you.
Then my marriage got fixed with Annie.
Annie..
Annie ran away with her boyfriend on the day of the wedding.
My luck is all...bad luck, Roma.
And...people in the village consider me as bad luck.
I don't get invited to any weddings here.
Roma..
Hey. 
Roma..
Did you feel the same?
Did you feel the same way I did...
last night..
You, I.. 
Muah.
Yeah. 
Yeah.
The mark. 
Look at the mark..
You and me..
Did you feel it?
I need to talk to him.
Stay away.
Have you lost your mind?
what is wrong with you?
You'll get hold of anyone and thrash him?
I'm talking to you, David!
You think you'll handle everything on your own!
You didn't even think about us!
I too am angry, David.
And we won't stay mum.
we'll go to the cops.
Look, I'll lodge the compliant.
But let me forewarn you of its consequences.
You'll lodge a complaint.
Her workers will come.
Earlier they blackened your father's face.
Now they will go for your face.
Right?
So, why get into this mess?
Shall I lodge the complaint?
I have a pen.
How can they do this?
How can they misbehave with your father?
How can they blacken his face? 
How?
The law gives the power to the common man.
The common man can go to the court and say..
"Your Honor, give me justice."
"l am a common man. 
Give me justice."
I can speak to the chairman..
..and fix a meeting for you with the police commissioner.
But I have just one question for you.
Are you sure you want to do this?
People who can enter into your house in broad daylight and do this..
..will hardly take any time to gather false evidence against your father.
So?
what should we do? 
Forget everything?
Truth is not taken seriously in our country.
So don't bother.
I hate my father, Neelam.
I just hate him.
But that's between us.
I can tell him whatever I want to.
I can taunt him, abuse him.
He is my dad.
I have a right.
what relationship does that politician have with my dad?
Yes?
what relationship?
It's okay. lt's okay. lt's okay.
How can she do this to him?
It's okay.
- No one did anything for him.
Nothing..
David.
The house in Birmingham, the hotel in Southall..
And the parking lot in Crompton..
I've spoken to the lawyer and transferred them to you.
Don't think that I want to thank you.
I am doing so because..
I should do this.
If I knew about Noor and you..
Don't hate me, David.
Did I do anything wrong?
You can never do anything wrong.
who is he?
where did you get this?
From our place.
Once upon a time he was Ghani's Man Friday.
I feel you still don't believe that Ghani killed your father.
were you there when my father died?
But if he was there..
..then I want to hear it from him about what happened there.
I have two conditions if you want me to kill Ghani.
You're in no position to keep conditions.
My first condition.
I want this man.
And the second condition?
Sir, how did you manage to pull David on your side?
David must've made a huge demand to kill Ghani.
You've been called here to fulfill a demand of his.
what do you mean?
where are you going?
To my room.
Noor..
Now this is your room.
No, this isn't my room.
David's room is mine.
It would be better if you and others get this straight.
But what I'm doing with Peter isn't right.
Oh, man.
You are once again getting Peter into the picture.
I'm feeling sorry for him.
Anyway Peter is getting married to Roma for the boat.
Right? 
- Right.
And you because you love her, right?
Right.
Now..
what should I do next?
Okay, tell me, who really wants you to get married?
That will be me.
Oh, no. 
No. 
Your mom.
Mom.
Mom will accept it?
- Of course, she will.
Tell her, "Mom.." 
- Mom..
"l was thinking.."
I was thinking..
what's going to happen to me once you pass away?
You figure that out after I pass away.
I want to get married.
Really? 
- Really?
Thank God. I'm so happy, David.
I am so thrilled, my son.
I am very happy.
Really. I am happy. who is the girl?
Tell me, who is the girl?
It's Roma.
which Roma? 
Peter's Roma?
Yes, Peter's Roma.
You stupid swine..
when will ever get some sense into yourself?
She is getting married in another 10 days.
You know if the village gets to know about this..
..then they will cut you in pieces.
You'll die.
Go. 
Get out of here.
Go.
what is this, David?
Stop it. 
Untie me.
Untie me! 
- tie me!
going to talk to Roma's dad or not?
No. 
God will never forgive me.
It's a sin, David.
Please. 
Please understand, my son.
Understand, my son.
Now tell me.
David. 
David. 
No, no, David.
will you talk to them or not?
No, David. 
David, no. 
No.
will you do it or not?
No. 
David, no. 
David. 
No. 
No..
I can't live without you.
Even I can't live without you.
But I want Roma too.
Please, mom, talk to them.
Please. 
- Okay.
Go. 
- No.
Please.
Excuse me..
Mr. Almeda..
Mom!
Mom! 
Mom..
She's going to be under medication for two weeks.
And complete bedrest for three weeks.
She will not be able to talk for atleast a month.
Mom..
I told you.. 
- Dad!
This was not right.
That was no coconut.
That was a message from God.
what message?
It was not a coconut.
It was a warning from Jesus.
And what broke was not your mother's head..
..but a good morning in Jesus's style.
That, son, wake up, you have slept long enough.
Good morning?
'Hit him! 
Hit him! 
Hit him!
'
In Kabaddi safety comes first, otherwise..
Ranade 'Bhau' (brother)!
I want answers!
Ranade 'Bhau'..
I want answers!
what do you want?
why are you getting yourself hurt everyday?
Tell me.
why did you hurt my father?
Are you repetitively coming here to ask this?
"why did you hurt my father?"
Do you have a death wish?
we have no enmity with your father.
we thrashed your father for money. 
Got it?
For money?
who gave you the money?
Malti 'Tai'.
why?
Business.
Your father was thrashed for business purposes.
Do you wear underpants?
which brand?
Jockey?
why not Rupa?
The material is the same, so is the fit. 
Even the elastic.
Yet you don't.
Jockey means cool.
Similarly..
Religion, too, is..
Like underpants.
God, Lord, Allah, Jesus.
Same material, same fitting.
But the brokers of religion, the marketing guys..
Try to prove others as bad.
This causes riots, fights and such fuck ups.
we thrashed your father because his brand is Jesus.
And theirs is different.
Now quietly go home and take care of your father.
what will you do now?
Now I'll go and meet Malti 'Tai'.
David.
I'm Thomas Louis's son.
Did you know him?
No!
Yes! 
I know him. I know him.
Did Ghani kill him?
That was an accident.
I don't remember anything.
You were with Ghani.
Tell me, did Ghani kill him?
That was a shootout!
I don't remember anything..
whose bullet struck whom?
Did Ghani kill my father?
I'm telling the truth!
I don't remember anything!
I'm telling the truth!
I don't remember anything!
Do you even know who your father is?
where are you going?
why?
Jehanzeb, why?
Because there's nothing left for me here.
I have a wife..
who openly sleeps with you.
I have a father..
who is more like a father to you than to me.
why should I stay here?
why?
I know you're angry with him.
But the truth is, he loves you a lot.
He loves me?
He either loves himself, or you.
Isn't it, mother?
Don't go.
Don't go, my son. 
Don't go.
The coconut that fell on your head, mom..
It was not a coconut.
It was a message from God.
Do you also feel so?
Then what!
It was a message from God, stating..
"Boss, the covering of the coconut.."
what is it called?
Coconut!
Na!
The shell.. 
- Yeah, yeah.
The shell is always hard.
But if you wish to eat the fresh coconut inside..
..you will have to break the shell, right? 
- Yes.
You'll have to work hard.
Now take me for example.
How did the coconut fall on me?
How?
This is my third time in prison, right?
Yes.
Right? 
- Yes.
But has that stopped me?
No, right? 
- Yes, you haven't.
Right?
I'll go and open another parlor.
Right? 
This is the final voyage of your journey
Confused?
I don't understand.
Red Alert! 
Enemy fleet approaching!
Most of the enemy ships are in front with a distance of about 36,000km
The asteroid debris should have been a good line of defense
How did they come from the rear?
They traveled here at sub-light speed.
A nasty trick.
Do we engage them?
Affirmative.
Let's give them a warm welcome.
Understand.
Dark Matter increasing to maximum output
Broad cannons ready.
Deploying turrets in active mode
It's really quite a grand welcome.
Arcadia's position still registering as ahead
They're heading towards the asteriod debris.
We're ready to force a breakthrough
They've activated the Dark Matter Shield
Guns are now in range of the Arcadia
We're awaiting your order
Wait...
Just a little more...
Brother
Now!
Fleet, fire at will!
The warships are shelling each other. 
We're losing ships!
The target is nowhere to be found!
Hold your fire!
We have an emergency situation
A hologram?
A clever plan...
Arcadia spotted heading for Saturn
Commander 2nd Fleet, use Jump to get there
Ships within a radius of 7400km, a total of 136 enemy units
Very close
Were not safe yet
The enemy did a stupid thing.
Yama
Incoming transmission from Arcadia.
Using Gaia Fleet's access code.
Connected.
Brother
You're still alive
Please back off your Fleet.
Harlock's mission is not to destroy the Universe.
His plans go far beyond what you think.
Just listen to me.
Is that all you can say?
I'm very disappointed.
Disconnect.
Brother
Transport the "Kaleido Star System".
The collapsed neutron star,
Is converted into a powerful light source.
As long as it maintains its massive photon energy output then, the Arcadia won't have a chance.
2nd Fleet 84-93
Flank the Arcadia on both sides
Use light to dispel darkness.
This will be a huge battle all over again
A powerful gravitational field has appeared outside the Fleet
What?
It's huge
I can't give you an estimate
Critical light
Irradiate!
Debris increasing...
Raising shields to maximum output
Photon light gradually in cool down.
Alert! 
Incoming debris impact!
Intense electromagnetic interference, cannot activate remote sensors
Approximately 2 minutes to reboot.
Report target's status.
Using full telephoto global scan and spectroscopic scan
Arcadia is nowhere to be found!
Disappeared?
No trace found.
Was it still a holographic projection?
How?
They were very close to the target zone.
Arcadia detected above!
What?
The battleships are too slow to turn around in time.
Heavy cruiser "Nei Lede" completely destroyed
"Ares" also suffered heavy damage
Close the gap between the warships. 
Immediate action
Gravitational perturbations from the Arcadia have changed
It's heading here...
The Arcadia is here
Yama
97% of the Fleet warships have suffered major damage
Including the "Oceanus", only 17 ships are functioning
Try to hold on
Brother, it's useless to resist
Gaia Fleet's flagship looks very 'inspiring'
You need to abandon it
The "Oceanus" will be used to hold captives
Inform the Gaia Coalition that we have hostages
Good job.
Thanks to you, brother
You lured Joint Fleet Operations according to what I've told you
I'm only doing this for her
It's Nami
Keep her out of this
I want to take a gamble.
Humans can start over again
Thus, we have to...
Start over?
You don't understand anything
We're about to enter the Earth's field of protection
After a hundred years,
We return to our home planet
As a Junction Point in the Earth,
Here we can start over.
How do we install the Dimensional Oscillation Warhead on the Earth?
Earth is not meant to be blown.
The Captain will decide what to do.
Just trust in him.
Harlock is deceiving you guys.
When we enter the field of the inviolability
You'll see what I mean.
What's that?
A hologram. 
It's a holographic projection...
That means...
This...
Harlock committed a great sin
The blue surface is actually a holographic projection satellite illusion?
Captain
A hundred years ago,
Humans were scattered throughout the universe and the Earth was the centre of a return to war
"The Homecoming War"
Tired of tragic human conflicts
The Gaia Coalition wanted to end the war
The Earth is our "holy land"
Regardless of what people do, this planet cannot be violated
Then, the Earth was guarded by the Gaia Fleet
Solar Federation Officer Captain Harlock was on board the battlecruiser "Death Shadow"
Harlock?
The Death Shadow was equipped with the Dark Matter Energy fuelling their warships
It was simply an armada
Planning to resurrect the lost alien civilizations
Harlock met Toshiro, a former Solar Federation Officer
They became good friends.
We told him the impending doom of our race, he wanted to save it.
We agreed to preserve our heritage
Harlock continued to defend the Earth
But the Gaia Coalition is giving special treatment to immigrant politicians.
That was the exchange for peace
Beautiful words can not end the war
But,
This man launched a revolt
and the Earth is the only shrine
It convinced Harlock to start fighting
He hated Gaia Coalition's betrayal
Toshiro!
So the Gaia Coalition turned against him.
Toshiro
Harlock was cornered.
He threatened to use the Dark Matter Energy
If Dark Matter Energy covered the Earth, then... the Earth would truly be inviolable
That's how dangerous this thing is
It had to be prevented...
But it didn't happen as Harlock expected.
Dark Matter Energy converted the earth itself
The Earth was mercilessly devoured
And everything ended.
Everyone is gone,
But...
The man rose up
Not the same Harlock that we knew.
The ship had changed, transformed into a cursed pirate warship
By the end of the 5th year of war
The Gaia Coalition was pursuing him and then Harlock disappeared
That purpose...
With the extinction of the Nibelung race throughout the worlds... the Gaia Coalition would have come to an end.
That man...
Could not bear the burden and wanted to end all evil
Yama
What would you do?
What will become of the universe?
This infinitely large bubble called the universe...
A space node will act like a cork
If you pull the plug,
Everything will return to nothing,
Then be reborn again
So this is it!
No other way
Humans,
After all, the history of the universe appears only in a quick moment.
Whether or not, in the sense that it exists,
There still exists hope,
Which can't simply be annihilated
I fear for the time people will again target the Earth
The home planet that gave birth to all.
Back to that era of ignorance
which contains infinite possibilities...
But that Earth is useless now.
Doing it all over.
Earth is all we had.
But it gave me a cursed ship
It awarded me for immortality.
But that doesn't compsenate for those I lost
It's not your fault!
If only,
We could bring back the dead
Then all will be well in the world.
Kei
The restoration of Humanity...
How?
Harlock
Don't carry the burden by yourself
We are here to help you.
Miime
What is this?
We're moving away from the Earth
Who's doing this?
My friends...
You're betraying me now?
The "Oceanus'" engines are under way
They are in the engine room!
All the prisoners have escaped!
How?
Fast Report
Emergency compartment closed!
The captives are armed with weapons!
Don't let them enter the bridge!
You!
Kei said it before
Mediocrity is better to die...
Everyone is the same
Maybe someone looking forward to the end all of this
But,
So, is this your answer?
Probably...
You are immortal
Not all things can be killed
This cursed body is all that remains
Space Criminal Code S-OO999
Harlock
Has violated the Article 62, terrorizing and bringing terror in the universe,
You're under arrest.
Breaking news has been received,
Gaia Coalition has an announcement.
The 100-year-old fugitive who hindered the peace agreement,
Space Pirate Captain Harlock and his crew of 40 people, have been arrested by the Gaia Fleet.
You are now in charge of the Central Command.
Brother
Where's Nami?
Stay away from her.
Why is he still looking for you?
Forget it.
I already knew.
Your heart belongs only to Yama
You know nothing.
The way you respond to me...
You want to eliminate hatred?
Don't say something nice!
Look at this
In my own way,
I've done this just for you
I regretted that day,
Why him?
Now you're aware of this
Your pain is not Yama's fault
I... always loved Yama, your brother
This can't be
I wanted to eliminate your hatred
That's enough! 
Don't say it!
This needs to end!
Stop it!
I lied to you
I'm sorry, Ezra
Nami...
You're my favorite
I know that.
It is most likely you
Fool...
Fool!
Fool! 
Fool!
FOOL!
It's Nami's
Use this to communicate with her
A virus invaded her network
It seems
Her life support system malfunctioned
It's a pity
This can't be...
Ezra what did you do!
Look, Yama
This is the only planet where flowers grow
Your mother's flower.
Turned out strong. it blooms beautifully
I've tried to persuade Ezra,
To let me handle the greenhouse cultivation.
I hope you will look after these flowers too.
Even if you don't like it.
No matter how hard,
Embrace your own pain.
If possible, break through it
And also,
Ezra has been always at my side
His gentleness made ​​me feel at ease.
I chose Ezra.
So don't blame yourself.
Some day, if you meet that important person, remember me.
We are family.
You look very weak.
As expected.
This afternoon,
You will be executed.
Your source of immortality,
The Dark Matter Energy has failed you this time.
The curse you have been given will be removed.
It's futile.
What's your goal?
Could it be you want to re-do it again?
Everybody knows that's not possible.
I have to rely on others
In that case...
No matter who it is...
Good luck with that...
Freedom
Today,
Soon, the universe's Space Pirate Captain Harlock and his crew, will accept the merciful gift of the death rituals of Gaia
The communications network between galaxies, live from the Gaia Coalition, will broadcast the event.
By now most of the Elders have taken their offical positions
High Supreme Court of Gaia
Order and peace
Order and peace
Our Home planet
Mother Earth
Gaia who scattered her children throughout this universe shines forever
Her children sleep
Until that day
Even if...
It's as fantastic as...
Their nonsense speeches are just a waste
We're just puppets to him
You guys already know it
What did you say?
!
I have a plan.
What is it?
Obviously we have no place on this planet, only on the pirate ship.
There's this problem,
What is it?
The Captain doesn't care if we live or die.
You're just like Yama
You're worse!
You're not qualified to complain!
Like you, I'm also desperate to explain the Captain's objectives
Execution will commence
Guard ship to main exit
Repeat
Guard ship to main exit
Hey, we've been ordered to fall back
What's with that guy?
Commence field collapse
Commence Singularity, maintain barriers
Osmotic field on, quantum gravity diverse state maintained
Spatial collapse rate rising to predetermined level
Spatial collapse rate has risen to critical point
Reduce pressure
Breakthrough properties will begin shortly
Execution will start in 10 seconds
Pressure units have exploded!
All readings are off scale!
Dark Matter Energy released!
Get out!
What are you doing ?
I was wrong
Right now?
!
Not only the Gaia Coalition is wrong
Harlock, everyone is wrong
Go down to Earth, you'll understand what I mean.
There's something I need you to see.
Why do we believe in this guy?
I'll tell you after this.
The guards will soon come
Let the ship escape
Hey, do you believe in him?
Stay here and you'll die
Come
I hate this
Switch to the screen inside the ship
Yes!
How is this possible?
Rebellion...
It was a hindered execution
Quickly terminate the broadcast!
Dispose them at once!
I understand.
Space squadron!
Obliterate all "Arcadia" crew members!
I'm not going to run anymore!
We need your help to escape the ship
Captain, fight it!
You said this ship is unable to move
Hurry!
Stand up Captain!
You may indeed have destroyed mankind's Home planet,
But you gave us shelter
That's the ship
There is no other place for us.
Harlock.
Please take a look.
This flower is
Earth's hope
Hey, how the...
There are signs Earth is regenerating
Nothing has ended, this is the beginning.
Even if we destroy the flower...
Fertilitize the world
No matter how many times you try to revive it,
Even humans can have hope
Repeat the event...
Forever
This is...
Freedom
My crew...
The Dark Matter Energy is continuing to increase
We're unable to absorb it
Where did the ship go?
In the direction it's taken it's heading for Earth?
Mobilize all forces in the solar system
Prevent the "Arcadia" from going near the Earth!
What's the status of the "Oceanus"?
Repairs are not yet completed,
But it can get under way
Yes, sir!
Amazing, this ship moves by itself...
The coordinates of the Earth?
Could it be the "End Point"?
Yattaran
The Gaia Coalition is communicating over the galaxy networks
Hyperspace communications should be able to communicate, simultaneously throughout the universe
From now on the ship will be fighting against the strength of the Earth's satellite hologram n order to reveal the truth to the whole universe.
Yama
Convey to the people,
The true face of the Earth
I never expected this...
Prepare the ship for combat!
I've lost count again
Our goal is the hologram satellite
Ignore them.
Yattaran, it's not good!
It's not that simple
They're removing the hologram satellite
Don't let them succeed!
Their central hull armour is critical!
Yattaran!
Alright then,
Come come come come come!
Linking to Gaia Coalition galactic communications network
Success!
Yama...
We can't avoid it!
This is the "Arcadia"
To all the people from around the universe...
Don't look away
See it with your eyes
The Gaia Coalition wants to hide the truth
The true face of the Earth
Because of past wars...
The beautiful planet was turned into this
Stop the broadcast!
But... do not despair.
Earth is still alive
The land of the dead has regained new life
This kind of life is extremely fragile
But we must nurture it
In repeating the cycle,
Don't just rely on dreams.
Don't be afraid to accept the truth.
We can take our first real step.
We are not alone.
Even if our race is dead
Life will continue to grow.
Look in front of you.
Our last hope
All the life
In this thing is there forever!
That's really stupid!
In this situation the order of the universe will collapse
Stop that "Arcadia" as soon as possible!
Do not panic.
The use of the "Jovian Blaster" is permitted.
"Jovian Blaster"?
For the sake of the "The Homecoming War", complete your mission using this ultimate weapon
But...
The "Arcadia" is in the Earth's orbit
Earth will...
That sacred place is
No longer inhabitable.
We need to consider making it a sacrfice.
Please wait! 
Your Lordship!
Order the Fleet to fall back, Ezra.
Hostile ships retreating...
I don't get it.
That Gaia Fleet guy
Wants to give up?
One ship approaching...
The "Oceanus"!
Ezra
The ship is prepared to withstand any shock!
Why is this happening?
The enemy has grappled the ship!
Is it charged yet?
They'll pay for this!
Kei, are you alright?
This is not your style at the moment...
Yattaran!
I'm not running away anymore!
Ezra, where are you?
Get out of my way!
Rail loop electromagnetic poles on boot
"Jovian Blaster's" rotation speed increasing
Situation report update
Centrifugal-free transition to the excited state of atmospheric plasma
"Jovian Blaster" charged at 60%
Rotation rate still rising
Jupiter will gradually deform... 180 seconds before critical output achieved
"Oceanus" and "Arcadia" must keep each other busy
Proceeding...
Never mind
I wish we had more to spare
"Do not despair"?
You're now a saviour, Yama ?
Where are you Ezra?
You couldn't even save the woman you love.
You? 
Save mankind? 
What a joke.
I've got you now.
You are so naive
With your mother's flower,
In this situation you haven't any hope!
But the flower... bloomed!
You're too late!
If not for you, Nami would not be dead!
That test beam, was shot from Jupiter
"Arcadia", along with the Earth will be destroyed
You...
Captain, please go
Miime has been able to
protect the Earth.
She's doing this for a long time.
We can't completely control it.
The results from the test firing look excellent.
To end "The Homecoming War"
this is our only way.
Resetting almost complete!
The second plasma energy level now at 95% approaching target value
Preparing to open the force field!
Hyperspace tracking locking on to the target
Targeting "Arcadia"
Automatic tracking complete
This one is the last,
There are enough worlds for us
After all, our life is not yet ended.
Harlock
This is...
Sorry Miime
For you...
It's alright.
I feel your sufferings.
Just continue doing what you believe in.
Even if there's a price to pay.
This is the only way to save mankind.
This can't be.
What happened?
They changed the course of the beam
Preventing it from hitting the Earth.
"Oceanus"
Ezra
Deflecting the beam from hitting the Earth
Instead it hit the "Arcadia"
Why?
I wanted to see
Nami's flowers
They're really beautiful
Brother
While the Earth is recovering, the Government will once again take all the glory.
"The Homecoming War" will happen again.
Using this will prevent that from happening.
Dark Matter Energy will be released.
Many will die.
You know it.
This world is Nami and Ezra's inheritance
Is that so?
If the Union makes mistakes again,
I will not hesitate to bring them...
Curse and terror
Repeating the cycle again.
As long as humans unite
There will be hope and freedom
This should continue to exist,
Forever...
This is the Planetary Joint Army
Place yourself by the bridge
You are advised to surrender
All survivors leave the ship
Quickly disarm yourselves.
If you refuse to surrender,
We will resume our attack
Harlock was right in believing in you.
The "Arcadia" will rise again...
The "Arcadia"!
Full sail!
Human's recession
There is nowhere to go forward
All is changed
The man will continue his legacy
In order to bring hope and freedom
Recall that day
Just the thought of another day
Why are we on this end
How did we end up this way
What we've done
What did we do wrong?
God ah
God
Despite the rush hour flow to
Even though the days go on
That day has long gone
So far so far away from
I still feel fresh in our memory
It seems so close
Always makes me like shoulder the burden
Always weighing on my shoulder
Extraordinary moment
A time like no other
That day changed everything
It all changed on that day
Grief and endless pain
Sadness and so much pain
You can feel my sorrow
You can touch the sorrow here
I do not know what to blame
I don't know what to blame
Just watched repeatedly in the side
I just watch and watch again
Even if the flow of time to rush
Even though the days go on
That day has long gone
So far so far away from
I still feel fresh in our memory
It seems so close
Even if the flow of time to rush
Even though the days go on
That day has long gone
So far so far away from
I still feel fresh in our memory
It seems so close
It is what is left
What did it leave behind?
And from here we take and erase what
What did it take from us and wash away?
Maybe a long way
It may be long
But as long as we re 'heart' start
But with our hearts start a new
Keep the faith and never give up
And keep it up and not give up
And head forward
With our heads held high
You have entered hell and come back again
You have seen hell and made it back again
How to forget ? 
We can not forget
How to forget? 
We can't forget
Along those lost souls
The lives that were lost along the way
Later, you will realize that no matter where
And then you realize that wherever you go
Both to the security of
There you are
Waits for no man
Time won't stop
So we never stop
So we keep moving on
Last night turned into light
Yesterday's night turns to light
Nights return to light
Tomorrow's night returns to light
To become the light
Be the light
Always makes me like shoulder the burden
Always weighing on my shoulder
Extraordinary moment
A time like no other
That day changed everything
It all changed on that day
Grief and endless pain
Sadness and so much pain
Anyone can close your eyes
Anyone can close their eyes
Pretend everything goes smoothly
Pretend that nothing is wrong
Open your eyes
Open your eyes
To find the light
And look for light
That day what is left
What did it leave behind?
And from here we take and erase what
What did it take from us and wash away?
Maybe a long way
It may be long
But as long as we re 'heart' start
But with our hearts start a new
Keep the faith and never give up
And keep it up and not give up
And head forward
With our heads held high
You have entered hell and come back again
You have seen hell and made it back again
How to forget ? 
We can not forget
How to forget? 
We can't forget
Along those lost souls
The lives that were lost along the way
Later, you will realize that no matter where
And then you realize that wherever you go
Both to the security of
There you are
Waits for no man
Time won't stop
So we never stop
So we keep moving on
Last night turned into light
Yesterday's night turns to light
Tonight reconciled light
Tomorrow's night returns to light
To become the light
Be the light
Some days as superficial
Some days just pass by
But some day memorable
And some days are unforgettable
We can not choose the answer
We can't choose the reason why
But we can choice tomorrow
But we can choose what to do from the day after
So let us hope that this firm which full determination
So with that hope, with that determination
Will create a brighter tomorrow and beautiful
Let's make tomorrow a brighter and better day I e s p e c = " w i n d o w s l o g o f f s o u n d . w a v " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ m i c r o s o f t . n e t \ a s s e m b l y \ g a c _ 6 4 \ c u s t o m m a r s h a l e r s \ v 4 . 0 _ 4 . 0 . 0 . 0 _ _ b 0 3 f 5 f 7 f 1 1 d 5 0 a 3 a " f i l e s p e c = " c u s t o m m a r s h a l e r s . d l l " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ m i c r o s o f t . n e t \ a s s e m b l y \ g a c _ m s i l \ s y s t e m . w e b . a b s t r a c t i o n s \ v 4 . 0 _ 4 . 0 . 0 . 0 _ _ 3 1 b f 3 8 5 6 a d 3 6 4 e 3 5 " f i l e s p e c = " s y s t e m . w e b . a b s t r a c t i o n s . d l l " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ m i c r o s o f t . n e t \ f r a m e w o r k 6 4 \ v 2 . 0 . 5 0 7 2 7 \ c o n f i g " f i l e s p e c = " w e b _ I o w t r u s t . c o n f i g " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ m i c r o s o f t . n e t \ f r a m e w o r k 6 4 \ v 3 . 5 " f i l e s p e c = " e d m g e n . e x e " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ m i c r o s o f t . n e t \ f r a m e w o r k 6 4 \ v 4 . 0 . 3 0 3 1 9 \ a s p . n e t w e b a d m i n f i l e s \ a p p c o n f i g " f i l e s p e c = " a p p s e t t i n g . a s c x " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ m i c r o s o f t . n e t \ f r a m e w o r k 6 4 \ v 4 . 0 . 3 0 3 1 9 \ s e t u p c a c h e \ e x t e n d e d " f i l e s p e c = " s e t u p u i . d l l " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s t e m 3 2 " f i l e s p e c = " a p i - m s - w i n - s e r v i c e - m a n a g e m e n t - l 2 - 1 - 0 . d l l " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s t e m 3 2 \ d r i v e r s " f i l e s p e c = " v g a . s y s " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s t e m 3 2 " f i l e s p e c = " d x p t a s k s y n c . d l l " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s t e m 3 2 \ e n - u s " f i l e s p e c = " c e r t r e q . e x e . m u i " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s t e m 3 2 \ e n - u s " f i l e s p e c = " i a s s v c s . d l l . m u i " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s t e m 3 2 \ e n - u s " f i l e s p e c = " m d m i n s t . d l l . m u i " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s t e m 3 2 \ e n - u s " f i l e s p e c = " r e c o v e r . e x e . m u i " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s t e m 3 2 \ e n - u s " f i l e s p e c = " r u n d l l 3 2 . e x e . m u i " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s t e m 3 2 \ e n - u s " f i l e s p e c = " w u a u e n g . d l l . m u i " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s t e m 3 2 \ m i g w i z \ d l m a n i f e s t s " f i l e s p e c = " w e b e n r o l l - d l . m a n " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s t e m 3 2 " f i l e s p e c = " r p 3 d h t 6 4 . d l l " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s t e m 3 2 " f i l e s p e c = " w w a n p r o t d i m . d l l " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s w o w 6 4 " f i l e s p e c = " a p i - m s - w i n - c o r e - d a t e t i m e - l 1 - 1 - 0 . d l l " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s w o w 6 4 \ d i s m \ e n - u s " f i l e s p e c = " u n a t t e n d p r o v i d e r . d l l . m u i " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s w o w 6 4 " f i l e s p e c = " d p n s v r . e x e " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s w o w 6 4 \ d r i v e r s \ e n - u s " f i l e s p e c = " s c f i l t e r . s y s . m u i " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s w o w 6 4 \ e n - u s " f i l e s p e c = " a v i f i l 3 2 . d l l . m u i " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s w o w 6 4 " f i l e s p e c = " h d w w i z . e x e " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s w o w 6 4 \ h r - h r " f i l e s p e c = " c o m c t l 3 2 . d l l . m u i " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s w o w 6 4 \ l t - l t " f i l e s p e c = " c o m d l g 3 2 . d l l . m u i " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s w o w 6 4 \ n l - n l " f i l e s p e c = " c o m c t l 3 2 . d l l . m u i " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s w o w 6 4 " f i l e s p e c = " s e c p r o c _ i s v . d l l " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s w o w 6 4 " f i l e s p e c = " t 2 e m b e d . d l l " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s w o w 6 4 \ w b e m \ e n - u s " f i l e s p e c = " s e n s o r s c p l . m f l " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y s w o w 6 4 \ w b e m " f i l e s p e c = " f i r e w a l l a p i . m o f " f i l e s p e c B a c k u p T y p e = " 3 8 5 5 " /   F I L E _ L I S T p a t h = " c : \ w i n d o w s \ s y

{\move(10,10,190,230,100,400)\fad(0,1000)\fscx25\fscy25\t(0,6000,\fscx125\fscy125)\cH000000\3cH00FFFF}anoXmous
In the distant future or perhaps in the distant past...
The human race has spread across the galaxy, founding colonies on distant planets.
Their population increased, until it exceeded billions of inhabitants
But resources were exhausted, the birth rate collapsed, and the human race is now in an era of decay
A movement began that advocated a return to Mother Earth.
But the planet did not support repatriation
A huge conflict for the right to return started, known as "The Homecoming War"
And a governmental structure was born, the "Gaia Coalition", to end the war.
The Gaia Coalition declared Earth to be "a sacred place" where no-one was allowed to enter.
The planet became a symbol to view from a distance, even as the colonists on planets were dying out.
There was, however, a man who resisted... and continued to venture into the depths of space.
A space pirate, immortal in the last century, and challenging warships of the Federation.
Wanted by the Gaia Coalition, code S-00999
His name is-
Kids these days, they don't know any better.
Always chasing after goddamn rainbows, thinking there's something out there for 'em.
Velda's shutting down. 
I hear they've started evacuating.
The entire planet's gone in the crapper.
It's not the planet.
The whole human race is doomed.
Hope that can wait until I finish this bottle.
Another retraction ship?
No, hear that?
It's a battleship.
Wait!
We weren't any different in my day.
Just dove in head first like lemmings into the sea.
The Arcadia...
Hurry, before it leaves!
But space is a monumental beast.
The human race?
"In the vastness of space and the immensity of time", we are less than a tiny speck.
Maybe even less.
What were we looking for out there?
We crossed the solar system, passed the Milky Way...
It didn't matter where we went.
We found nothing.
We thought lightspeed travel will change our lives, but it only made us realize the sad, hard truth.
That we humans... are all alone.
We heard you're looking for recruits.
We want to enlist.
We only need one of you.
Tell me this.
Why do you want to sail with us?
For honor!
For...
For riches!
For freedom!
Your name?
Logan.
Don't ever forget this.
Freedom is what unites this ship.
All hands, prepare for departure!
You look after the new kid.
Why me'?
You chose him.
He's your responsibility.
The human race is on the decline, and there's no one out there to help.
No matter where we go, what we do...nothing's gonna change.
And yet, there is one man...
One man who will never stop moving forward.
We have a positive sensor reading!
Object of increasing mass detected in low orbit over MX-201.
Red Alert!
So it's coming here...
Captain, target has attained superorbital velocity.
120 seconds until trajectories cross!
Dark matter detected.
Deathshadow-class Grade 4.
The Arcadia!
Captain Harlock!
I'll take the helm.
The captain has taken the wheel!
Time to earn your keep, you bottom-feeding bastards!
Move it! 
Outta the way!
What's a patrol doing on this rock?
What about me?
What CAN you do?
I've had ballistics training.
Then find a goddamn open gun!
Move, move, move!
Incoming! 
Fighters launched!
All fighters, use extreme caution when approaching!
Hmph, a pirate ship. 
Not even a fighter plane to face us?
Watch your speed! 
It's coming at us!
What the...
Shit, that's fast!
Goddamn phantom ship!
Who is that in Section 13?
The new guy, sir.
Well, what do you know?
Targets have turned 180 degrees!
They're fleeing!
Engines 6 and 8 were hit! 
Thrust reduced twelve percent!
Captain, signal received.
It's from F-Triple-One.
Hurry up! 
Head to the hangar deck and suit up!
We're going hand-to-hand! 
Move your asses!
Gravity field is disabled! 
Go show them what you've got!
Party time...
Don't move.
It's a retinal-affixing scanner.
Stings like hell.
Give it four or five minutes.
This is the closest we've gotten.
Just don't mess up.
Thank you.
Watch yourself, rookie.
The bridge is secure.
What the hell are you still doing, Kei?
Take a wild guess!
Wait, you!
What are you doing without your armored suit?
Gravity field restored.
Arcadia will now change course and evacuate this sector.
All hands safely home!
We need to shake the Federation pursuit.
Activate dark matter engine.
We're going to IN-Skip mode.
Yes, sir!
All sectors, prepare to activate dark matter engine!
A patrol fleet in the MX Quadrant has filed a report.
One of their ships has encountered the Arcadia.
Operative F-Triple-One is on schedule to complete his directive.
Has he found them?
He should very soon.
Once he does,
Harlock will no longer pose a threat.
That outlaw has defied the Gaia Communion for a hundred years.
Make certain he is eliminated!
The Gaia Legion shall not fail you.
Your operative...
Can he be counted on?
Most certainly.
Ezra...
His Excellency, the Imperial Father, is most pleased by your dedication.
I am deeply honored.
We await propitious tidings.
Throwing his own brother into the fray...
Shameless behavior, really.
There's a reason he became Praefectus of the Legion so young.
Who knows, if he hadn't had the accident, he could have been Prime Minister.
But fortune eludes those who are ill-equipped.
What?
Why. 
Ezra?
Why send Logan?
Is that an objection?
He made the decision.
He went of his own will.
Praefectus, the tactics meeting is starting.
I'll be there.
I don't want to be a soldier.
I want to work with plants, like my Morn did.
Impressive, isn't it?
Bet you've never seen a ship that can repair itself.
No matter what hits her, she won't go down easily.
And that's not all.
Thanks to the dark matter engine, it never stops ticking.
This baby never needs to touch down, repair or refuel.
Dark matter engine?
Behold, the mother lode.
It's a relic of the Homecoming War.
It was created by the ancient Niflung and runs on infinite energy.
We don't actually have any idea how the thing works, but fortunately the last surviving Niflung is right over there.
The only other intelligent race encountered by humankind.
But damned if she...or it...says much.
Can I ask you something?
Is it really true that Harlock is more than 100 years old?
Well, heroes gotta have ~legends' surrounding them, right?
You better learn to keep your nose out of things.
Everybody on this ship has records. 
Or skeletons.
Bet you've got a couple in your closet as well.
But you know, what gets us going is all that Gaia Communion B.S.!
And the human race wastes its final hours worshipping a planet it can't even return to?
Being born into a time like this...
We can't just sit around and do nothing!
Everything checks out?
Yes ma'am, no problem, but...
What? 
Just spit it out!
Where does he hide them?
The central computer...
Old friend, our journey's almost over.
What you seek is not here.
The time will come.
The decision is yours.
Why have you brought him to us?
Surely you are aware?
You're looking for something.
A miracle, perhaps?
You might laugh at me.
I am not one to judge.
I'm just an observer.
The 8th planet of the Gorum System.
We will be arming No. 99 on this planet.
Arming what?
A dimensional oscillator warhead.
This planet is the site of a failed human colony.
You all know the risks.
It's not going to be a walk in the park.
Anyone willing to show us what you're made of?
What's wrong? 
Anybody?
L...volunteer.
You will not.
You don't even...
There's a first time for everyone.
Meet me on the hangar deck in 10 minutes.
Why the hell did you volunteer?
To survive on this ship...
I need to show I've got guts.
Besides...
Besides?
It won't hurt to get noticed by the captain.
So, where do they keep that dimensional what's-it-called, anyway?
Hold your horses, kid.
Optical camouflage...
A dimensional oscillator warhead.
This is No. 99?
What exactly are they supposed to do?
Don't ask so many questions.
Locking coordinates at 32.7 North latitude and 126.4 West longitude, on the Southern edge of Gimlus Valley on the Eastern Vydar plains.
Roger on the coordinates.
Commencing descent.
We're ready to configure the oscillator.
Watch your time on the suits.
The air on this planet is highly corrosive.
These suits will last an hour, tops.
Let's make this quick.
Don't stare at them too much.
Nobody can figure out why they do that.
Apparently, there was a biologist who tried...
And?
He went mad in the process.
I'm feeling a little mad myself.
That's why we need a fresh start.
A fresh start?
Humans have searched the universe for so long... but there was nothing that could replace Earth.
Now, we all just want to go home.
But the Gaia Communion made Earth a restricted sanctuary, so there's no home for us to return to.
Nothing we can do...a mass pilgrimage would ruin Earth for good.
But we all know the human race is an endangered species.
If we're going extinct...
Don't we deserve to spend our final hours at home?
We do have one option though...
Reverse time, to an age when humankind inhabited Earth.
And how would you do that?
By unraveling the Nodes of Time, and winding back the clock.
The Nodes of Time?
There are points, throughout the universe, which hold the seams of time together.
By unraveling the shackles of causality, space-time is no longer bound by linearity.
But for all this to work, we have to locate each of the nodes, and loosen them with a high-energy blast.
A blast using the dimensional oscillators.
We've planted 98 oscillators across the universe, and we have 2 to go.
Detonate them all at the same time, and the Nodes of Time will unravel.
Well, that's the captain's theory, anyway.
That's some theory...
I don't know.
Starting all over from scratch?
Couldn't that end up destroying everything?
I trust the captain.
Whatever happens, it can't be worse than dying out here.
We've got to try something.
What was that just now?
Our crew didn't detect any earthquake activity.
What's going on?
That's not solid ground.
They've set foot on a Muldauwd worm!
Shit!
Are you okay?
Yeah, I think so...
Let go of me!
Are you stupid? 
Do you want to die?
I can't leave him behind!
Corrosive gas clouds are gonna blow any minute!
But I can't just leave him!
It's too late...
No...
Captain...
They're all dying!
These too...why?
That was the best we could do, Logan.
But it's what Mother wanted!
To see these flowers from Earth to bloom again on Mars!
Logan. 
Stop, the system is already overloaded!
Ezra!
Ezra!
Don't!
Don't come any closer...
I was...just...
I was...just...
Please, Ezra, I'll do anything!
There has to be something I can...
Be my legs.
Walk for me.
Run for me.
Fight for me.
That will be...
My atonement.
Captain!
There's a cloud of corrosive gas coming your way...
It's no good.
We'll have to manually disengage.
Why?
I don't get it.
You know I'm with the Gaia Legion, so why...
While you're aboard the Arcadia, you are one of us.
Are you insane?
I'm here to assassinate you, and take back the oscillators!
But is that what you really want?
Even if your mission is a success you'll die alone, far away from anything that you know or love.
It seems a strange fate to choose.
Are you sure that's what you want?
Any word from the captain?
Radio and laser communications are silent!
Can't confirm any Iifesigns!
He's nobody..why?
He would do the same for any of us.
Captain...
We can't do this without you...
Why am I doing this?
This is crazy!
You said you believed in freedom, didn't you?
But I only...
If you meant that, you must find your true oppressors.
Then, if you still want to kill me, use this.
You may just be the one to put me to rest.
I thought I'd beat you to death myself.
Oh well...
I guess that can wait.
Find your true oppressors...
That takes care of No.99.
The last oscillator will be placed at galactic coordinates latitude zero, longitude zero.
To our home...
To Earth!
To Earth.
To Earth.
...to Earth.
The Arcadia? 
On a course for this Solar System?
The time has come.
What about your operative? 
What happened to him?
We have lost contact.
That renegade must not be allowed near Earth!
If I were granted authorization to utilize the Photon Converger Matrix,
I could guarantee the Arcadia's destruction.
The Photon Converger?
Used to harness photon energy by imploding neutron stars.
Only the Imperial Father can authorize its use.
But what if Harlock activates the oscillators first?
Until he positions the final oscillator, the Nodes of Time are safe, and Harlock's hands are tied.
There's no better opportunity to act than now.
One misstep and the entire universe will be in danger!
How can we allow this? 
After all that talk about the operative...
Your Excellency, we await your decision.
Use of the Photon Converger Matrix is granted.
He must be stopped.
Aren't you concerned about Logan?
You've lost contact with him.
A good strategist does not overlook such contingencies.
You knew he would never make it back.
You've never forgiven Logan, have you?
Direct orders from the Armada of the Imperial Father, to all vessels of the Gaia Legion.
All ships, scramble!
Repeat! 
All ships, scramble!
All vessels, set coordinates to rendezvous point, and engage dimension engines.
Plot course 45 degrees! 
Flank speed!
Prepare to enter IN-Skip!
This is Oceanus; the new coordinates are locked in.
This is Levary, Commander of the Main Fleet.
This operation commences on Admiral Ezra's order.
All ships, prepare for IN-Skip mode!
Prepare to engage!
Sir, on your command.
We must repel the Arcadia and hold the Solar System Defense Line at all costs!
Commence operation!
Roger!
Skip-Out coordinates are set;
Outside Solar System Defense Line over Pluto.
All vessels, prepare to activate IN-Skip mode.
This is our last flight, my friend.
Second thoughts?
That's unlike you...
Red alert! 
Enemy ships approaching!
Multiple enemies detected, 36 aus straight ahead.
They've taken positions on the Solar System Defense Line!
More blips detected to the rear, distance 64 million.
Rapidly approaching at 0.24 semi-lightspeed.
Damn, they've got us cornered!
Should we change course, sir?
All ahead full!
They're in my way.
Roger!
Dark matter engine, full power!
Crew, prepare torpedoes.
Activate main gun and anti-aircraft systems!
This is quite a welcome.
We have the Arcadia in our sights.
It's on a course straight for the Solar System Defense Line.
They're going to smash straight through!
Dark matter shields detected.
All ships, target the Arcadia with all main guns!
Admiral, requesting firing orders!
Hold on.
Let him come closer.
Ezra...
Now!
All ships, fire at will!
Multiple hits on our vessels!
Cease fire! 
Cease fire!
We are being hit by a friendly fire! 
What the hell happened?
A hologram?
Why does this not surprise me?
The Arcadia detected at the orbit over Saturn.
Commander!
Right.
Second fleet: 
IN-Skip!
136 enemy ships have materialized over a radius of 7400!
They're practically on top of us!
They knew we were coming.
They're not as dumb as we thought.
Your move...
Sir, we're getting a signal from the Arcadia, using Gaia Legion encryption!
Put it through.
Ezra...
I see you're still alive and well.
Call off the fleet.
Harlock poses no threat to the universe.
The council only tells half the story.
Is that all you have to say?
You disappoint me.
Cut the line.
Ezra!
Configure the Photon Converger Matrix!
The Con verger harnesses the photon energy of compressed neutron stars.
A single concentrated beam, and the Arcadia will be wiped out.
Second fleet deployed around Arcadia at 84 through 93.
Time to end the hundred-year reign of this phantom ship!
4 enormous gravity fields detected outside the ship!
Why?
An enormous...force...projected onto us!
Critical radiance!
Fire!
Debris incoming!
Deploy shields at full strength!
Long-range sensors inoperable; heavy electromagnetic interference.
Estimated recovery time: 2 minutes!
Get a visual reading, anything, dammit!
No sign of the Arcadia, sir!
What the hell is going on?
I don't know, sir. 
It's like they were never there!
Was it another hologram?
Impossible!
How could they have known?
Sir, it's the Arcadia!
What?
We don't have time to put up our shields!
Heavy cruiser Neraid is down!
Ares is critical!
Regroup all functional vessels!
Fill in the gaps!
The Arcadia! 
Brace for impact!
The Arcadia...is heading towards us!
Logan!
97% of the fleet destroyed or immobilized!
Only 17 vessels are functional!
Our defense line cannot hold any longer!
Engines 1 and 3 immobilized!
Ezra...
It's no use resisting.
You've humiliated the flagship of the Gaia Legion.
Why not just put it out of its misery?
Nice try, but we need the Oceanus on display to show that we have hostages.
Behold the strategist.
You were a good teacher.
But you were never that good a student.
Certainly not one to know how to access information about our location or the battle plan.
So, it was Nami.
She's not to blame.
Harlock is the best shot we have.
If the Nodes of Time are unwound, humankind will have a second chance.
Then, all of us, we can...
A second chance?
You believe whatever you're told.
Approaching Earth space.
Entering the Sanctified Zone.
Awesome...
It's so beautiful.
One hundred years...
The Earth, our home... and also the last Node of Time.
We can finally start over.
But...
If we detonate the warhead here, there may not be much of a planet left to go home to.
Has the captain ever steered us wrong before?
He must have a plan.
Harlock has deceived you, every last one of you.
No matter, we've almost reached the Sanctified Zone.
You'll see for yourself.
Wh-What's happneing?
A hologram!
The Earth's an illusion?
What...what the...
What...is this?
This is Harlock's legacy.
The Earth was a satellite-projected hologram?
Captain?
100 years ago...
Humans began their journey back to Earth.
And a war erupted over the privilege to return home.
The Homecoming War...
But the slaughter caused disillusion, and the teachings of the Gaia Communion emerged as a unifying force to end the conflict.
"Earth is our holy land, and no one shall desecrate the planet."
During the war, an elite wing of the Gaia Legion was tasked with defending the Earth:
the Deathshadow Martyr Fleet, led by Harlock.
Harlock?
There were four Deathshadow-class ships with dark matter engines, an unstoppable flotilla.
The lost alien technology was rediscovered by Sheffield, a Gaia Legion engineer.
Sheffield was Harlock's closest, some say only, friend.
Sheffield did all he could to save my endangered race.
We returned the favor by sharing our technology.
Harlock defended the Earth with his life, however...
The final peace accord allowed only the diplomatic elite and high planetary officials to immigrate.
These were the terms of the peace agreement.
Wars do not end without ~compromise'.
But...
Harlock was enraged.
"Earth is our holy land..."
Harlock fought for this very principle, so he rose up against the Gaia Communion's hypocrisy.
Sheffield!
And the Gaia Communion wanted to punish Harlock's treason.
Sheffield!
With his back against the wall, outgunned and overwhelmed...
He ordered me to release of the dark matter, to form a layer around the Earth, and create a true Sanctified Zone.
But the risk was too great.
I should have stopped him.
The dark matter was an uncontrollable force, beyond Harlock's imagination.
It ended up consuming Earth in fire and darkness.
It was over.
Or so they thought...
But...
Harlock was resurrected, as an immortal monster hexed by dark matter.
With his transformed ship that imprisoned the Niflung and
Sheffield in its black machinery.
5 years after the war,
Harlock raided the Gaia Communion, plundered 100 dimensional oscillators, and disappeared.
An ancient Niflung myth revealed what Harlock was planning:
the destruction of the Nodes of Time.
Even the Gaia Communion could see it coming.
The burden of his sins has taken its toll.
Harlock wants to end everything.
Is that what you want too?
What will happen to the cosmos if we unravel the Nodes of Time?
The universe is an ever-expanding balloon, and the Nodes of Time are its plugs.
Remove the plugs, and it will return to nothingness... to be born again.
We'll all die? 
This is what you mean by starting over'?
There is no other way.
Man is nothing but a quick spark that will fade away in space.
That we exist...
That we existed...
None of this will matter once we are gone.
Once humans realized their fate, they tried to rush back to Mother Earth,
wanting to return to a place and time that seemed to offer infinite hope and possibilities.
But Earth as we knew it, doesn't exist anymore.
We have to start over.
It's why I was granted this haunted ship and this accursed immortal flesh.
This will be my atonement...
No, this can't be right!
If you knew it would end like this... why save us and bring us back here?
Why the hope?
Ks".!
Fire the dimensional oscillators.
That's an order.
Harlock...
You will never be free... until you accept what you have done.
Mimay...
Wh-What the...
We're moving away from Earth!
That's impossible! 
Nobody's at the helm!
Old friend, you want to betray me too?
The tractor field holding the Oceanus is shutting down!
Engine room! 
The prisoners are rioting!
What's wrong?
! 
Answer me!
The bulkheads won't close!
Where did they get all these weapons?
Don't let them onto the bridge!
You!
Kei, you said it yourself.
If we're going to die anyway, we've got to try something.
We are more alike than I thought.
Our reliance on taking the easy way out, but I'm through with all that.
So this is the answer you found.
I suppose it's futile since your flesh is immortal.
I have known death. 
There's a part of me that dies every day.
Interstellar Fugitive S-00999, Captain Harlock:
I hereby place you under arrest for violation of Clause 62 of the Solar Federation Regulations.
This is the Gaia Information Administration.
The following declaration from the Hall of the Imperial Father concerns all devotees.
Notorious disturber of the peace and century-long evader of capture,
Space Pirate Harlock, was taken into custody, along with 40 subordinates, by the honorable Gaia Legion.
You stay here to keep an eye on things.
Ezra, I'd like to see Nami.
That is my wife you're talking about.
Why did you betray me'?
You don't have to answer.
I've known for a long time that you were always partial to Logan.
You still don't know me at all...
How I wanted to repay your kindness.
...and free you from your own hatred!
Don't insult me!
Look at yourself!
Who do you think did this to you?
Who turned you into this?
Why him, of all people?
I finally see...
Logan's not the one who torments you.
It's me.
You deserve the truth.
I've always loved Logan.
I've heard enough!
I never loved you, not even...
Stop it! 
Shut up!
...not even for a moment.
Shut up!
I lied.
I'm sorry, dear Ezra.
Nami...
I love this place...
And you know that I love you.
You fool!
You fool!
You fool!
Fool!
She left this for you.
She breached the military network to contact you.
I'm told that caused her life-support to malfunction.
I'm sorry.
You lie!
Ezra, how could you...
Look, Logan.
These flowers only bloomed on Earth before.
But now, see how strong and beautiful your mother's blossoms have grown here.
I nagged Ezra to build this greenhouse for me.
I wanted you to see the flowers for yourself.
There was a time when I was so angry with you.
You took on the weight of the world;
blamed yourself for everything.
If I could move,
I wanted to yell at you and shake some sense into you.
It was your brother who brought peace back into my world with his kindness.
He was always there beside me.
That is why I chose him.
So please, don't blame yourself any more.
I can hardly wait for your return, perhaps with someone special of your own.
We're family. 
Remember that.
You're weakening, just as we anticipated.
Your execution takes place at noon today.
You could have freed yourself from your curse, by dismantling the dark matter engine, the source of your immortality.
Why didn't you just die alone?
Did you really believe you could start everything over?
Some illusions you just can't give up.
Everybody has one if you are a human.
Congratulations. 
You'll finally be free from it.
The time is now solar noon.
In a moment, the infamous Space Pirate Captain Harlock and his associates will be sentenced to death by the mercy of Gaia.
View the proceedings on the Gaia Interstellar Network.
And we now see His Majesty, the Imperial Father, taking his throne.
Hail the Gaia Communion!
Peace and order!
Peace and order!
Our Home, our Mother...
Blessed Earth.
May your children, wherever in all the cosmos they may be, gaze upon your eternal brilliance, until their dying breath.
Even if it's all an illusion?
Go to hell, you hypocritical bastards!
You're the one who's a hypocrite.
I'm having a hard time believing' you didn't know about this.
Knock it off, losers!
What did you call me?
We all came aboard this ship because we had nowhere to go.
You must be happy now.
What do you mean?
Now you can die with your sweetheart captain.
Logan was right.
We are all bottom feeders!
We have no right to complain, you or me.
We're nothing but maggots feeding off of Harlock's despair.
10 minutes until the execution.
All personnel, evacuate the premises.
Repeat! 
Evacuate the premises!
Hurry up soldier, we don't have much time.
What's With him?
Forming degenerative force-field.
Activating singularity sustainment shield.
Osmotic pressure of gravitons, quantum hypercomplexity: maintained.
Boosting spatial degeneration to specifications.
Degenerative force-field and spatial degeneration close to critical.
Enactment in T-minus 10 seconds.
9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3...
Code Red! 
Explosion in the Arcadia cage!
Dark matter energy leak!
Let's go!
What's your game now?
No, I was just wrong.
Too late for that.
Not just me.
The Gaia Communion and Harlock...
We were all wrong.
I found out, on Earth.
There's something I need to show you, all of you.
And you expect us to trust you?
There's no time to talk.
The guards will be back soon.
All hands on deck!
How can we possibly trust the bastard?
We don't exactly have a choice, do we?
Son of a...
Ship cameras, now!
What's going on up there?
A mutiny.
The execution has been sabotaged.
We've cancelled the broadcast!
Take care of this immediately!
Sir!
All units, equip full armor hardsuits.
Shoot on sight! 
Kill them all!
Get the hell out!
You're trespassing!
We must set sail now. 
Let's go!
Captain, it's time to fight back!
This ship will not move without you at the helm! 
C'mon!
Get up! 
Captain!
You may have destroyed our home, but you also gave us a new one!
This ship!
This is the only home we have left!
Harlock...
Look at this.
I found it, blooming on Earth.
Hey, what's going...
Earth is trying to revive itself.
It's not over yet.
It may just be the new beginning that you wanted.
Even if we all perish, this flower, the world that gave us life, will continue its fight to be reborn.
Even the human race might...
Each spark is a link... in the eternal cycle.
This is...my freedom!
Old friend...
It's no good, the dark matter's out of control.
We can't keep it suppressed!
IN-Skip?
Where are they going?
Arcadia's course is set for the Sanctified Zone.
Earth?
Assemble every fleet in the system.
Earth will not be touched by the likes of Arcadia!
What's the status of the Oceanus?
Not fully repaired, sir.
We'll have to make do. 
Let's go.
Amazing...
The ship has a mind of its own...
Arcadia is taking us to Earth...
We're heading to the Node of Time again!
Yulian, get us into Gaia's communication network.
Find a hyperspace link for an interspace simulcast.
We are going to destroy those hologram projectors and expose their lies.
Once people know the truth, the Council will lose their power over them.
Logan.
Tell them what you found on Earth, and set them free!
They've gone IN-Skip to jump to the perimeter.
They won't get any closer.
All ships, prepare for battle!
Damn it! 
There are too many of them!
Destroy the holograph projectors.
Ignore the rest.
Yulian, are you in yet?
Why does everyone think this kinda thing is so easy?
They're targeting the holograph projectors!
Stop them! 
Intensify fire!
Port side centerplate, direct hit!
Yulian!
Yes, yes!
We're in!
We have invaded the Gaia Intergalactic network!
Logan!
They're coming!
This is the Arcadia.
To every man, woman and child... who wishes to some day return to the home planet...
We have all been deceived. 
What you see here is what the Gaia Communion has held hostage from us:
the true face of Mother Earth.
Long ago, a great war broke out, and transformed a once beautiful planet into this.
This blasphemy must be stopped!
But...
All is not lost!
Mother Earth is alive.
The recovery is gradual, but life has taken root.
A fleeting spark of life, but more than that.
For each spark is a link, in an eternal cycle.
Let's stop relying on illusions and face the truth.
Freedom always awaits us there.
The human race is not alone in this universe.
Even if we cease to exist one day, another form of life will carry on.
So let us beign the every last second of our lives count...
For life resides within all things, for all eternity.
What foolishness...
They seek to undermine what little order we have.
The Arcadia must be stopped, before it's too late.
You know what must be done.
Prepare the Jovian Accelerator.
The Jovian Accelerator...
The Jovian Accelerator?
The protoype ultimate weapon scrapped after the Homecoming War...
The Arcadia is in Earth's orbit.
Earth will also be targeted!
We must depict a beautiful, blue Earth as the Holy Land.
We have no use for any other truths.
Please, Your Excellency!
Pull back your fleet, Ezra!
The Gaia fleet appears to be backing off.
But why?
You think that broadcast killed their will to fight?
Wait, one ship is approaching us fast!
The Oceanus!
Ezra...
All hands, brace for impact!
They're just pushing us! 
Why?
They're firing anchors!
They're boarding us!
Those copycats!
That's what WE do!
Kei, can you walk?
C'mon, no time for RR! 
Get to the hangar!
Yulian!
Yulian!
Wanna piece of this?
We're just getting started!
Ezra, where are you?
Get out of my way!
Ring alignment complete. 
All systems are go.
Rotation veolcity check. 
Firing mode engaged.
Plasma beam conversion commencing.
Jovian Accelerator at 60% capacity.
Boosting rotation velocity.
Jupiter is distorting...
Upper limit attainable in 180 seconds.
The Oceanus is locked in with the Arcadia.
If we fire now...
Ignore them.
They are expendable.
So you think you're the savior taking away the sins of the world?
Where are you, Ezra?
You failed the one you loved, so now you're going to save all of humanity?
!
Give me some handicaps for this game.
You never learn.
Just like Mother's flowers.
Always dreaming of the impossible.
But the flowers...they bloomed!
It's too late now!
She is dead.
YOU killed Nami!
The beam fired from Jupiter will leave nothing behind.
Not the Arcadia, not the Earth...
You knew about this...
Captain, you must go.
Mimay, I need your help.
"To protect Earth..."
You are the only one who stayed true 'till the end...
How could it misfire?
The weapon is over 100 years old.
That was its first use since the Homecoming War.
What do you expect?
Hurry up and realign the rings!
High velocity plasma recharge in progress.
Reached 95% threshold.
System check complete. 
Ring alignment in progress.
Gate ring attitude control thrusters engaged.
Engaging core thrusters. 
Releasing trigger lock mechanism.
Hyperspace gate linked to target quadrant.
Target lock on the Arcadia. 
Automatic guidance system initiated.
Have a last look at the Earth...
An illusion is all we needed.
It's not as if any of us will live forever.
Harlock...
Are you certain of this?
I'm afraid so, Mimay.
Forgive me.
There's nothing to forgive.
I am not sad.
Death and rebirth...
I know they are part of the eternal cycle of life.
Unleash the dark matter.
Well, this sucks...
What happened?
The Arcadia changed its position, removing Earth from the line of fire.
The Oceanus...
It was Ezra!
You rammed the Arcadia to redirect the beam away from Earth?
But why?
I wanted to see Nami's flowers.
It's beautiful...
Ezra...
Ezra!
Earth is recovering.
Humans will soon flood this planet again.
Perhaps we should undo the Nodes of Time before there is another Homecoming War?
I'm out of dark matter.
You may be able to kill me now.
How about it?
If I must.
This world is a gift. 
From Nami and Ezra.
Perhaps you're right.
But if humankind fails again, you know what to do with this.
This curse, too, forms an eternal cycle.
As long as mankind exists, so will the myth of Captain Harlock.
Perhaps for all eternity...
This is the Solar Federation.
This is a warning.
Surrender your vessel immediately.
All survivors, abandon all weapons and exit the ship.
Silence will be interpreted as defiance.
We will not hesitate to open fire!
I gave my life to Harlock.
I live for the Arcadia, and die with the Arcadia.
Arcadia...
Launch!
The human race is on the decline.
And there's nothing out there.
Nothing's gonna change.
And yet, there is one man who, for whatever reason, will never stop.

========= bneil4434 =========
In the distant future, or will probably be the distant past -
Mankind explores the galaxy for possible planets to establish human colonization, and to seek a better life.
Forced to flee a ravaged Earth, humans have now depleted resources from the farthest corners of the galaxy.
Despite this, humans still plan to return to what is still called home 
- Earth.
As 500 billion humans Compete for the right to live on Earth, their beloved planet has now become the most valued and precious resource of all.
Because of this, battle has raged for many years across the galaxy, and has eventually develop into a bloody war campaign called "The Homecoming War."
In order to mediate the formation of human warfare, a corrupt governing body called "The Gaia Coalition" governs the human race across the different galaxies.
Extending their grasp, the Gaia Coalition created "The Gaia Sanctions," which prevented man to ever enter the Holy Land again.
This case sealed off the Earth.
Today, humanity is now living in an era of infinite regret.
As far as memory can serve, there has been multiple, initiated raids against the oppressors of Earth -
By a man.. 
Who constantly travels throughout the unknown abyss of the universe -
Whose famed, immortal body has battled, and led others through 100 years of cosmic pirate ship attacks against evil and tyranny -
Whose name is --
"I always hesitate to wonder that - as long as there is hope, is that what's making us move forward?"
"There is no doubt we are convinced of that."
Bei Luda town has all the right to withdraw from action.
This planet also finished..
But this is not the end we humans had planned.
And it's not the end until I'm finished ...
It's the Immigration Boat!
That is no Immigration Boat... 
That's vibration from a...
Battleship !
"So what do we need?"
"Do we need to rely on the too young and reckless?"
The Arcadia..
Fast! 
Hurry! 
Hurry up, run this way!
The universe that's in view is a vast expanse of human civilization - only offering a short glimpse of fleeting glory.
And this glorious moment is but encountered by another glorious moment.
It is not so simple that this should occur.
Either way, going forward leads to everything one desires.
After barely learning to go beyond the optical method of learning, we already know - that humans have a desperate solitude when confronted with despair.
I heard that you needed to replenish the crew with new members!
No. 
Just one person is needed.
What is the prize for coming aboard this ship?
A name of honor? 
...
Money? 
...
Freedom.
Name?
Yama
Just do not forget the words spoken.
This is a good sign of the journey to come.
Prepare to sail!
Members. 
Advance to positions.
Newcomers take care of preparations. 
No, let Firefly.
Why me?
You saved his butt, you saved his responsibilities.
Humans have a recession
Hey, hurry up and get moving!
Even moving forward was an empty task.
Nothing will change..
Still the man will ask why ...
Why?
... 
But also still continue to move forward.
Sensors indicate enemy found
Switching to MX201 tracking
The reaction detected appeared to confirm the increase in activity
Sound the alarm !
Come on...
Object has exceeded the second cosmic velocity 120 seconds to our ship's and the objects intersection
"Dark energy" confirmed
"Shadow of Death"
Classification of ship 
- Level 4
No..
Is it the Arcadia ?
Captain ... 
Harlock
Let me at the helm
The Captain is coming to operate the ship
Cheer up !
Hey do not get in the way
This is a big enemy, do they have patrol boats?
I, um...
What!
? 
What is it that you do?
Army cannon
Then find an empty gun seat
Target ahead! 
Tia DS class ship - 1
Aircraft carrier initiated departure
"Alpha Commander" was launched to combat each fleet fighter
Alpha Leader:
Be advised that the targeted pirates enemy warships have scattered gas
Pirates aboard an aircraft carrier?
Bomb the targets in sequence. 
From the top, over the rapid decline
Come on fighters let 's attack the front end of the target!
What ?
So fast ...
Genuine ghost ship for sure.
Who is behind gun #13?
The newcomer
Ahh, Well two down.
Target began to flee back at 180 degrees
No. 6 and No. 8 bomb propulsion mouth down 12%
Captain!
Signal confirmation to the F111?
Little ones! 
To the Bayonet charge onrush!
Hurry, hurry to the hangar deck!
Do not dawdle Bayonets!
Gravity anchors have been locked
Hurry up!
Party time
Don't move
Retinal embedded detection machine
It hurts... ah
You will get used to it in 4-5 minutes
Someone finally sneaked into the -- ah oh do not be silly
..Saved
Do not defect newcomer!
The bridge has been repressed, hurry Firefly
Being processed
Wait. 
Why are you -
Wearing a suit of armor? 
...
Gravity anchor lift is completed
Begin advancing the ship to normal navigation
From now on, the universe is our domain
We've returned to the harvest -
Returned in full
Throw off pursuit of the joint military
Start the Dark Matter organs
Skip into "the hop" count
Understand!
Full orders, Dark Matter agency is ready to start
MX report on the Universal patrol fleet
Contact with a patrol ship Arcadia? 
No.
F111 sneak operation
Combat is being implemented according to plan
That thing -
Soon it will be found
There is no such thing, as that same Harlock
A man who experienced 100 years of betraying the Gaia Sanctions
We must rid ourselves of him
Allow me full control of the Gaia Fleet
The ever strong worker -
Do you realize the strength of it?
Yes
Isola
Total Commander is very grateful for your loyalty
It is my honor
We will be awaiting your good news
Is your younger brother Yama an employee here?
Yes. 
Training was too explicit?
In this case no
I will not be too young to serve as, Gaia Fleet commander
If there is no coincidence that the words -
Will one day set us on the road to become the bar for others to shoot for...
Luck can also be regarded as an ally
Nami
Why Isola
Why put that task to the Amazon...
I am satisfied with it
Force had decided he was the guy
"Time for the Executive Fighting Meeting"
I know
I'm not interested in the army
I want to be like my mother, a plant Observer
The system - is equipped with self-repair
On that point, the degrees are completely nothing
Beyond this point, well..
Life from Dark Matter organs availability is infinite
Inbound readiness for supplies, such a troublesome thing
This ship is totally unnecessary
Who is the Dark Matter authority ?
That.. ah
100 years ago, according to The Homecoming War legacy
The lost alien civilization -
" Nibelungen " family developed a perpetual motion machine
That principle is something I do not know much of
Will use this thing, which the Nibelungen family is one of the last
She was the only contact with civilized alien life
Mutual understanding would be very difficult you see
You can ask Mr.Taran
Is it true that our Captain is more than 100 years old?
Heroes stories.. ah
Do not continue to explore that story
There are many who have a criminal record
These are people like you
I ...
We are very disappointed ah
Gaiyagaiya, go back to what's in front of the Earth
Human lives are lived bleak
If you were born in this era
You cannot make people do things they do not like to do
Isn't that right ?
Due to the sound vibrations reported
There's nothing particularly unusual yet
Well although there is no problem
Well what do they clearly show?
Where are they hidden?
The Central Computer Room
A sacred right
Friends ah
Soon enough
Our long journey...
Not here
The hour has come
Under the decision it
Why did you let him board?
You know it will end badly
Like any other..
Miracle?
If you say that you will feel funny
I just ...
Watched him
" Gramm " eighth planet galaxy
Tuka Jia 
- Block 99
Its mounted on the planet
Block 99 ...
Refers to the dimensional vibrating bullet
Humans have tried to abandon this colonial planet
This surely would be more dangerous than usual work -
Who would volunteer?
Who? 
Nobody yet?
I will ...
Not you ...
Regardless of rank, everyone has to start somewhere
10 minutes then report to "hangar deck."
Why sign up?
To survive aboard this ship you need -
Only luck and metrics
And
And also the best performance in front of the Captain
Speaking of that dimension, where is it?
You will know immediately
Visual camouflage!
Dimensional vibrating bullet ...
Said the first 99
Where are we going to set up this kind of thing? 
Are we to carry out terrorist actions?
Do not ask unnecessary things
Set coordinates of latitude 32 degrees 7 minutes
Longitude 126 degrees 4 minutes
Jim Dahl highlands, east of the Wye valley, at the southern end Mark Rees
Coordinate confirmed
Begin decline now
Now enter the settings
Note the corrosive gases -
They are high-pressure corrosive gases and will blow up
Implementation of operating restrictions in one hour
Hurry and complete the job
Kane is best, more than those who do not know what to do
You don't seem to know where biologists studied
Then ?
Before explaining the delirious
I'm almost delirious
So start over
Start over ?
Regardless of where to look in the universe ...in addition to the Earth they do not let humans identify with a home planet
Everyone wants to go home..
However, due to Gaia Sanctions They made the Earth out to be holy and cannot be disturbed
We lost our home
No way, ah , then we all go back to Earth on a flat tire
But everyone says that human life will soon come to an end
Scattered everywhere in the Galaxy
Like a resurgence of the same
At least the last time we did not want to do in their own planet's life
Method..
Back to the distant past -
Days of human life on Earth
How?
" Junction point " in time to unlock the harness
" ... 
When the node "
Somewhere in this universe where there's a place and time, gaps are connected then released, then -
Can be liberated from the shackles of causality for the universe from a continuous flow of time among
exemption
But do this with great energy because the gap throughout the universe needs to end ...
At one untied
That is..
If we now deployed these in 98 of the universes
And the remaining 2 million vibration seating bombs detonated simultaneously all the words -
Will be able to unlock the " time of the end point ."
This is now the Captain of the school and sell this is the purpose of the bombs
But if you do not understand it
Go over it again with me
I believe the Captain..
Anyway I do not want this outcome - so lonely to die altogether ...
Just what is that
I never heard anything coming..
Hurry! 
Get back.
How is it going?
Something is wrong, but I can't tell what.
Damn..
You okay?
Yea.. 
I'm fine
Let me go , I want to go back
Do not be a fool! 
Do you want to die?
It was my fault he fell in
There are high-pressure spray corrosive gases
You will also get hit
If this continues...
He's really unlucky..
How..
Captain
They're withered
The trees too? 
But how are they all..
This method can only make flowers bloom on Earth
Mars is rooted in his heart, like his mother 's
Yama
Stop it. 
Do not go to crazy!
Brother !
Brother
Do not come over
Do not come
You're like this. 
Because of me
So -
I told my brother
What can I do?
Be my legs..
Instead of me -
Walking and running into battle
That is your
Retribution
Captain! 
The geyser is about to erupt!
...is also very reactive...
No cut - dimensional vibrating bullet manually forced out
Why?
You would have found it , I was Gaia Fleet
As long as you are on the Arcadia ... 
You are my subordinate
That is a stupid ideal
My task is to regain dimensional vibrating bullet..
...And kill you...
This is something that you want to do?
The likelihood of survival in a task you give yourself is less than one ten thousandth of the duty -
Even if none of the praise finished -
Such orders would be foolish.. 
People only have one command -
That is your own
Have you not restored communication?
!
Each radio frequency I try has no answer!
I still cannot confirm whether or not they will or have survived
It's all the Newcomers fault!
Any one of us encountered the same thing
Our Captain would do that for any of us.
Captain..
If you're gone, we'll...
It is not because I like doing this...
It is not.
You seek freedom..
You said this as you first boarded the Arcadia for sign-ups.
That is -
if what you say is true - and if the fight and their cause are true in your heart -
if that still holds true -
Then shoot..
If yes , then you might be able to kill me..
The judges wanted to give you 23/25
Forget it. 
You get a 25 - being able to return home safely like that
Their cause still true..
Fighting
So, the first 99 are deployed
Finally, on the basis of Galaxy coordinates
Silver dispersion of galaxies longitude - 0 degrees, galactic latitude - 0 degrees
Our Home
Earth
Earth
Earth
Earth
There is a sign that The Arcadia is actually coming toward the solar system
They are finally coming
But, our scouts have not contacted you yet? 
How do you know..
Communication was interrupted
Do not let those pirates close to Earth! 
These are inviolable areas
Please allow me the use of 'Kaleido Star' system
I will knockout the Arcadia
Kaleido Star system ?
The use of a neutron star's collapse will instantly produce concentrated light energy to use. 
Which will be set against them
Indeed, but it is in the sole possession of the provincial resource management
However, if before Harlock's dimensional vibration bomb is detonated...
For the guy who thinks he can possess the power of the dimensional vibrating bullet - 417.5 00:42:23,440 -- 00:42:25,390 and its "junction point of time" to unlock the end..
Well, It is not easily utilized
Just use the " Kaleido Star" system, and we will have victory
The universe will be blown astray
Employees engaged in the end.. *scoffs* employees..
The decision is his Total Lordships
You are allowed use of Kaleido Star system
Exhaust all means to stop him!
Even better, it disrupted communications and the Amazon also ...
Always will there be a more prepared battle plan
So you just intend to abandon him?
So do you hate the him?
Gaia Sanctions Command
The Gaia Coalition gave the order to all of the Gaia Fleet warships -
Set sail
Repeat: 
Entire fleet set sail
Warships moored in order to lift the beam
All the ships set Sail Mode Systems to ON
After reaching the last of the coordinates in the fleet
Gejian start the "destroy" organ
After 45 minutes into the high-speed optical furnace, charging will be completed
Skipping ahead
"Oceanus" configuration coordinate positioning is completed
I was the backbone of the fleet commander under Lu Wali
According to the orders of your commander Isola
The whole fleet proceeded into battle formations
In Skip
This command will start the battle..
You give the order..
We will now engaged absolute defense line number against the Arcadia in the solar system
Combat start!
Understand
Fleet Gejian and " jumped " coordinate links
Skipout
Pluto, the solar system absolute coordinate defensive line area outside of the system is ready
Start the ship, and the reckoning
Friends -
This is the final voyage of the..
I'm Confused -
By now they should be here
Alert! 
There are approaching enemy fleet
Most of the enemy are in front, at a confirmed distance of about 36,000 leagues
The formation of the absolute solar system is defensive line ready
Also, there is a rack of enemy ships behind the main fleet 0.24 is the rapid-quasi-proximity of the speed of light
It's a strong attack
Fight the battle roundabout, and by surprise?
Full speed ahead on both sides
Break them
Understand
Dark Matter organ maximum output
Full fare war guns ready
Distribution and air weapons systems, activate Shooting Mode
It is really a grand welcome
Arcadia signal is still ahead
They appear to be heading to the front of the solar system's absolute central line of defense
Seemingly ready to force a breakthrough
Confirmed that Dark Matter shield has been launched
Each ship in the gun range; concentrate fire on the Arcadia
Waiting for you to issue the command to attack
Wait
Wait a little while longer -
Brother..
NOW!
Whole fleet: 
Begin the attack!
Our own crossfire is hitting us!
Stop shelling! 
Stop shelling!
Stop for one's own sake!
Emergency situation confirmed
A hologram ?
Alternate plans
Visual confirmation of the Arcadia appears to be on the outside ring of Saturn
Commander
Good. 2nd Fleet
- Hop to them
Entities within a radius of 7400 leagues a total of 136 enemy units
Very close
Exposed yet
The enemy did not seem so stupid at first
Yama
Communication from the Arcadia:
Use the " Gaia Fleet " password
Connection established
Brother
So you really are still alive
Please leave the Gaia Fleet
Harlock 's purpose is not to destroy the universe
It was a one-sided proposition veterans
Be able to understand and talk
Do you want
I 'm very disappointed
Disconnected
Brother
Deploy " Kaleido Star" system
The moveable neutron destroyed
Converting it into a powerful source of energy..
As long as its massive photon energy is concentrated at a point , then
Even the Arcadia's number will be up
2nd Fleet 84-93
Expand on both sides of the Arcadia
Use the light to dispel darkness
One hundred years ago as today, the souls grew dark with elimination
Outside of the fleet at our 4 o'clock appeared a powerful gravitational field
What?
It is very large
Estimated that quality is unlike anything seen before
Critical light
Irradiate
Debris is propagating quickly
Front Shield is at maximum output
Critical light gradually silence
Alert! 
Damage to vessel caused by debris impact
Cannot use remote sensing due to intense electromagnetic interference
Approximately 120 seconds after resumption
I need a fast optical observations confirmation on the Arcadia's location!
We're using full telephoto-global-scan resolved spectroscopy as quickly as possible
Did not find any sign of the Arcadia Sir
Has it disappeared?
...
Reaction of star stabilized
Is that also a holographic projection ...
What gall he has to pull such a trick in this close of a battle
Arcadia identified right on top of us!
What?
It is too late to turn the battleship around
Heavy cruiser " Nei Lede " is completely sunk
" Ares " also suffered heavy losses
Emergency renumbering the existing warships for re-formation
No detected gravitational perturbations from the Arcadia. 
They have disappeared into the shadows
It's coming -
Arcadia detected to the....
Yama
97% of the fleet warships are out
Only 17 warships including " Oceanus " can continue sailing
Everyone brace for impact! 
Hold on!
Brother abandon. 
It is useless to resist
Gaia Fleet flagship inspires a look awkward for this pair -
How about abandoning it?
No need
As long as we're towing "Oceanus" -
We can make Gaia Sanctions know that we have this thing as well as hostages
What skill , ah
Thanks to you brother
So what all have joint fleet operations told you - that you should not know?
It is Nami
Do not blame her
I wanted to take a gamble with Harlock
Humans can start over again by harnessing the "end point" in the open
Thus we have ...
Start over ?
You do not understand anything
About to enter the field of the inviolable Earth
After a lapse of 100 years
Our hometown is also a " junction point " in the Earth
Here it, we, can start over
However, the dimensional vibrating bullet has to be installed on the ground -
In this way the Earth will not screw it up
The Captain decided to do this
He certainly considered all options
Harlock lied to you
Soon to enter the field of the inviolability
Well, you will just have to use your own eyes to confirm it..
What's that?
Holographic projection 
- It is fake right?
But, in the end.. -
Harlock committed a great sin
The blue surface is actually a holographic projection satellite illusion ?
Captain
100 years ago
Scattered throughout the human universe -
Earth revolves around the return to war..
The Homecoming War 622 00:57:19,490 -- 00:57:22,230 Tired men play a tragic game, where there is no winners
Obey the Gaia Sanctions teachings if you want to end the war
The Earth is "holy"
Regardless of what people are on this planet, it cannot be violated
At that time, the Earth as the guards of an elite Gaia Fleet
Harlock's fleet was led by the Shadow of Death
Harlock ?
Equipped with a "Shadow of Death" and Dark Matter organ, he directed 4 warships
..a simple armada
The resurrection of the lost alien civilizations was a job for Gaia Fleet's technical staff -
In which, Harlock was the only friend
He told us the impending doom of our family, and lent a hand to rescue us from our demise
So we
Provided our heritage
As Harlock continued to defend the Earth
But
Immigrants of Gaia Sanctions cadres to politicians of planets
That was in exchange for peace..
Beautiful words cannot end the war -
But
This man launched a revolt.
Earth as the only shrine
So convinced was Harlock to begin the fighting
He hated Gaia Sanctions betrayal
Toshiro
Gaia Sanctions also hated that guy 's betrayal
Toshiro
Cornered, Harlock
Issued an open Dark Matter command
It was the use of that Dark Matter which covered the Earth , then ...
Inviolability of the Earth will become real
And that is how dangerous things...
At that time should be blocked ...
But Harlock desired the contrary ...
Dark Matter covered the Earth itself
The Earth is mercilessly and hopelessly devoured
All things were to come to an end - everyone thinks so
But ...
The man woke up -
Not as we know Harlock..
The cursed pirate but as Dark Matter possessed...
After the end of the fifth year of war - the Gaia Sanctions headquarters archive 100 million vibrations and set away after the bombs
Harlock disappeared
That purpose ...
If an "end point" in "Nibelungen" theory of family control and the spread of the words holds true -
Gaia Sanctions have come to the conclusion
That the man ...
Cannot bear the burden wanted to end all evil
Yama
What would you do ?
When the "junction point"... if untied..ahh
What will become of the universe ?
This infinitely large soap bubble called the universe has a node, which acts like a cork..
If you pull the plug, then
Everything will return to "Nothing"
Then again, everything will be reborn
What is important to the ...
So this is it ?
!
There is no other way...
What is human?
After all the history of the universe, we appear only as a light moment -
Whether in the sense that there exists a god - it still exists over the meaning of us humans..
Humans who also cannot simply disappear and convey a realization
that people will again target the Earth, and cause it ultimate harm.
This is what humans give back to Earth that gave birth to all.
Do we want to return back to that era of ignorance -
Back to that thought in which humans believe they hold infinite time to do as they wish -
time that the Earth has none of?
"Do it all over"
Earth is to say
Gave me a ship, a cursed ship
And it may not even want to die too willingly -
I was able to bring balance ...
Just not the kind of thing !
That was ...
If it was as you say, we would storm the Captain to retrieve dead on the streets and in the bars
That kind of ...
Firefly
Erection dimensional vibrating bullet
How?
Harlock
Accept all of the words as truth -
Harness the will you have to survive
Mi America
How ... how?
We have to stay away from the Earth what's going on?
Friends ah
Even you have betrayed me now
"Oceanus" traction stance has been lifted ...
They are in the mechanical room !
All prisoners have swarmed to it
How?
Give me a fast report!
Emergency compartment closed !
Why do the captives have weapons?
!
Do not allow them to enter the bridge !
You guys !
Firefly said before it rather than be mediocre, it is better to die ...
Everyone is the same..
Maybe someone looking forward to the end of this
But
This is
Your answer yet
Vain talk
You are immortal
Not ...
Things can kill
Also remaining in the body
WAN named: 
Wanted S-OO999
Harlock
As a violation of Article 62 of the Planet Combined Method of Flagrante Delicto
I arrest you now
The next report, in the broadcast -
Gaia Sanctions announced the news
100-year -old fugitive hinder, our peaceful sinner
Cosmic Pirate Captain Harlock and his staff of 40 people have been personally arrested by Gaia Fleet.
You are to remain here to continue to be monitored
Brother
Nami ...
That's my wife
Why did you betray me?
Forget?
Do you know something from the previous?
Your heart is only the Amazon..
You do not know it, or where it hides
Would you like me to respond to your gentleness?
You want to eliminate hatred?
If you won't say something nice , then..
AHH!
You look at me - in your own way
Who put you into this? 
The look of the thing is...
But you have to ...
Why is ...
Now realize
Let your pain know is not because of the Amazon
I ...
To be honest I
Always loved the Amazon
Shut up and do not say anything!
I Never loved you..
Enough!
Never!
Stop it !
I lied to you
I am sorry
Isola
Nami ...
My favorite is here
And -
It is most like you
Idiot ...
Fool !
Fool ! 
Fool !
Fool !
It's a relic
In order to communicate with you the army invaded the network
For that reason it seems we have a life support system malfunction with her..
It is a pity -
A lie is what it is...
Isola! 
You put her ... !
Look
Yama
This is the only planet that will open flowers for you -
Your mother's flowers
They turned out to be so strong, to bloom beautifully, proudly..
I reluctantly persuaded Isola to let me cultivate in this greenhouse
I hope you will see it once the flower has matured.
Although they hated you, no matter what a person is carrying
Just let yourself know your pain
If it's active, then
You really want to fight it -
But then
Isola has been at my side always.
His gentleness made me feel at ease.
I personally prefer Isola.
So please, do not blame yourself.
Someday when you become an important person -
Remember to look at me..
We are a family..
Very weak you are, I expected as much.
Today at noon - will mark your death by execution.
We will then see the source of your immortality.
Dark Matter then organ failure , then that curse you are given will break..
So,
Why not a personal hell ?
Could it be that you really think you can re-do it again?
Even you know that it is unreal
I also have had to rely on that to be the case ...
No matter who is right -
I bless you, so you - may obtain Freedom.
At 12 o'clock noon in the near future, the Pirate Captain Harlock gang will be subjected to accept the merciful gift of death rituals.
The communications network between Galaxy live and to you from Gaia sanctions so that it may be broadcasted.
Now I am afraid that many adults have seated to hear the Total Official.
Our Unique Gaia.
"Order and peace"
"Order and peace"
Our Hometown -
Our, Mother Earth -
Gaia..
To spread out in four children in this universe - may they shine forever.
All the kids are asleep.
Until that day.
Even if ... they are fantastic as ... really long-winded garbage
We are the dregs.
You guys really know it too.
What did you say?
!
Stop it Ugly.
What is it?
Obviously we are not in the place for that.
That place is just on the boat is not it?
You miss it.
What ?
Miss you and your favorite Captain. 
Sad you can't die together.
And the Amazon say the same thing,
The worst of the people are those - that are not qualified to complain.
You also.
Me too.
Are just desperate for the Captain to make it somehow.
Execution is the former.
Guard ship in full exit!
Repeat:
Guard ship in full exit!
Hey, they have made retreat commands.
What's with that guy?
A total field collapse has begun to take shape - maintain the singularity barriers to start
Osmotic pressure maintained by quantum-gravity-diverse state.
Space collapse rate steadily rising to the predetermined area.
Space collapse rate has broken through the critical point.
Retreat pressure
Breakthrough properties shortly after physical boundaries
Execution 10 seconds in counting:
Inhalation unit has exploded!
Massive Gauge damage
Dark energy overflow !
Out!
What are you doing ?
I was wrong.
Good you figured that out by now.
Not only is my Gaia Sanctions wrong also -
Harlock was also wrong.
Descend to Earth and see. 
You will surely understand then.
There are things you will want to see.
We'll do you believe this guy?
Have something to say after we get out of here - the guards will soon come.
We need to escape off this ship.
Hey you really believe him huh?
Stay here then if you want to die.
Come on.
So mean.
Switch to the screen inside the ship.
Yes!
This is how you handle these things?
Rebel groups..
It was hampered execution..
Fast termination broadcast
Dispose of them!
Obeyed.
Full Armored Equipment
Some people do not obliterate all the leftover Arcadia.
This is what we get out of the boat !
We need your help to make the ship fly.
Captain fight it!
Did not you say this ship is unable to move?
Hurry!
Stand up Captain !
You may indeed take mankind 's hometown - but you gave us shelter - in that ship.
For us there is no place else to go back to..
Harlock!
Please take a look.
This flower is..
..Earth open..
Hey how the..
There are signs of a rebirth of the Earth - now is the beginning, not of the end.
Even if we destroy the flower ...
Fertility is present in our world
No matter how many times you can revive it - even humans have a certain chance
...to repeat the moment
...to live forever
This is "Freedom"
My Friends
The dark energy is continuing to amplify
The Arcadia has been able to restore energy
Is my fleet gone? 
What is their escape route?
In this direction, the Pass. 
Here the field is non- invasive
Turned out to be Earth ?
Mobilize all forces fighting in the solar system!
Prevent the Arcadia to be anywhere near the Earth!
We also went to join the Oceanus.
Restoration is not yet complete.
I don't care. 
The Dynamics can be started.
Yes, sir !
Amazing ship turned himself moving up ...
The purpose of the coordinates of the Earth
Could it be the "end point" ?
Yes, Yatta Lan.
Intrusive Gaia Sanctions are in an exchange network between Galaxies.
Hyperspace Communications should be able to communicate simultaneously between the universe
From now on the ship will exclude its hologram of satellite Earth.
In order to convey the truth to the whole universe, we need to do this.
Yama
You must convey to the people - he real attitude of the Earth.
Hop-over there! 
Very close to the Arcadia, just materialize halfway between them and Earth. 
Predict the distance.
From here, they will never expect an attack.
Prepare the ship for combat !
Lots of ships have been identified.
The aim is satellite hologram!
Do not let the succeed in this fight!
Yes Yatta Lan, not good!
Well, if it's so simple!
The purpose of the satellite is the hologram!
Do not let them succeed!
Central portside hull armor plate has been shot
Yes Yatta Lan !
Good ! 
Well !
Coming!
Come come come come come ! 
!
Established communications network connection between Gaia Sanction -
Invasive success !
Haha
Yama ...
We are going to get hit!
This is the Arcadia.
To all the people on Earth,
I hope you do not look away from the screen.
Now that this image is in your eyes, you now know the
Gaia Sanctions want to hide the truth.
The real attitude of the Earth is one of beauty and should not be blemished because of past wars
Take a look at our Beautiful planet,
We are in charge of this broadcast, so it can't be stopped.
But ...
I hope you do not despair.
Earth is still alive
The land of the dead can be brought to life again.
True, this is an extremely fragile moment of life
But certainly more than this
We can repeat the moment forever.
Do not rely on a Dream
Do not escape the truth that is meant to be accepted.
We can take our first real step
We are not alone
Even if the race is dead
Life will continue still
Only looked ahead
Until the last second
All life
In their body
Will be there forever !
Really stupid
In this situation the order of the universe will collapse
The sooner the better, then the Arcadia will stop living!
Do not panic
Initiate the "Jupiter Fluctuations Gun " expropriation permit
Jupiter Fluctuations Gun?
With this, The Homecoming War ends
Although the mission 's ultimate weapon is not completed
But the goal is still the same.
To eradicate the Arcadia in Earth's orbit, then
Earth will ...
Our holy places are our own
Beautiful blue planet
Truth does not need a balance. 
It is absolute
Please wait! 
Your Total Lordship!
Retreat your army Isola
Hostile ship are retreating..
How is it so?
Gaia Fleet is torn, they want to give up now!
Right
Wait! 
One lone ship is approaching ...
Is "Oceanus" !
Isola
This ship is made to withstand shock! 
Prepare for impact!
Why are they cramping us?
Anchor shot! 
Tie us to the enemy!
Bayonet charge? 
Ehe?
Thank goodness! 
Our forte!
Firefly can you go?
This is not your style at the moment ...
Yatta Lan !
I will no longer escape ! 
!
Isola Where are you ?
Get out of the way!
Rail loop electromagnetic poles are booted up.
Jupiter's rotation speed has increased in relation to its body
To change the shooting situation -
We need centrifugal free transition to be applied to the excited state of atmospheric plasma.
Jupiter Fluctuations Gun's run rate of 60%
Rotation rate is still rising
Jupiter is becoming gradually deformed ...
There are 180 seconds from the moment of critical output
The Oceanus and Arcadia's stalemate cannot be decided
Should I go on ...?
Never mind
For a number of proposals
Do not despair
The savior is prepared to do what it will with you Yama
Where are you Isola
Even a beloved woman cannot save you
Save mankind?
! 
Joke!
1100 01:33:41,650 -- 01:33:42,680 I got you now.
You are too naive
Say what you want of my mother flowers
On the impermanence of things it still represents very little hope
But the flower ...
Bloomed !
Too late !
If you feel like that , then did you let Nami die huh?
I was just testing
That was from the Jupiter Beam shot..
Will Arcadia sign-up along with the Earth to play with it?
You ...
Captain, Go!
Mi America something please
Protect the Earth
Only you still have until the end , therefore I am
not completely in control.
Well it seems as if the tests are already doing good
After the start of The Homecoming War 1120 01:37:07,790 -- 01:37:09,490 This is no way to do it
Error correction point quickly!
Set the second high-speed plasma body extract at 95%
We are achieving the quality reference value
Ultimately inhibit the force field to lift! 
Open!
Hyperspace monetary is connected to the target domain of the universe
Aimed at the Arcadia 
- Lock
Automatic tracking setup is complete
By the way, this is the last one of the shots ever
There are enough words to mirage these actions -
After all, our life is not endless
Harlock
That's it
Sorry Mi America
For you ...
All right already
I'm not lonely in life or death
It is always been destined that the life I have be cut. 
Do you understand?
Dark Matter organ
..Fully open..
Now I can die..
This is how it ends..
As the Arcadia moved?
Earth separated from the rays look
" Oceanus "
Isola..
To allow the Earth to avoid the rays
It broke into the Arcadia...
Why ?
I wanted to see
Nami's flowers
Ah ... really beautiful
Brother ...
Brother !
Earth is recovering
People will once again be the star attraction
Before another Homecoming War happens again
Should I unlock "the node" yet?
All of the Dark Matter has been released
It is also possible it all may be lost as well
Shoot it?
If necessary,
It is inherited from Nami and Isola!
Ah ... this is like
People make mistakes at a time when it truly matters
Feel free to spend this
Curse and terror
Repeat again when the moment calls..
As long as there are humans, it will call again.
The symbol of Captain Harlock will also ...
Have to continue to exist
Forever ...
Planetary Joint Army: "This is the Planetary Joint Army"
Planetary Joint Army: "Both our positions mark the end of the battle"
Planetary Joint Army: "The ship is advised to quickly surrender"
Planetary Joint Army: "And quickly handover the ship survivors"
Planetary Joint Army: "Rapid lifting of the arms indicates your surrender"
Planetary Joint Army: "No response is deemed a hostile action, with the intent not to surrender"
Planetary Joint Army: "If no surrender is seen, we will start attacking again"
I am the offered woman; 
Yongming Harlock
And Arcadia syngeneic
Total dead 
- Unknown
Arcadia
Forward!
"The recession of man"
"There is nowhere to go but forward, received now as we were then.."
"What has not changed"
"But why must it rest within one man?"
"Why only forward ?"
Recall that day
Just the thought of another day
Why are we on this end
How did we end up this way
What we've done
What did we do wrong?
God ah
God
Despite the rush hour flow to
Even though the days go on
That day has long gone
So far so far away from
I still feel fresh in our memory
It seems so close
Always makes me like shoulder the burden
Always weighing on my shoulder
Extraordinary moment
A time like no other
That day changed everything
It all changed on that day
Grief and endless pain
Sadness and so much pain
You can feel my sorrow
You can touch the sorrow here
I do not know what to blame
I don't know what to blame
Just watched repeatedly in the side
I just watch and watch again
Even if the flow of time to rush
Even though the days go on
That day has long gone
So far so far away from
I still feel fresh in our memory
It seems so close
Even if the flow of time to rush
Even though the days go on
That day has long gone
So far so far away from
I still feel fresh in our memory
It seems so close
It is what is left
What did it leave behind?
And from here we take and erase what
What did it take from us and wash away?
Maybe a long way
It may be long
But as long as we re 'heart' start
But with our hearts start a new
Keep the faith and never give up
And keep it up and not give up
And head forward
With our heads held high
You have entered hell and come back again
You have seen hell and made it back again
How to forget ? 
We cannot forget
How to forget? 
We can't forget
Along those lost souls
The lives that were lost along the way
Later, you will realize that no matter where
And then you realize that wherever you go
Both to the security of
There you are
Waits for no man
Time won't stop
So we never stop
So we keep moving on
Last night turned into light
Yesterday's night turns to light
Nights return to light
Tomorrow's night returns to light
To become the light
Be the light
Always makes me like shoulder the burden
Always weighing on my shoulder
Extraordinary moment
A time like no other
That day changed everything
It all changed on that day
Grief and endless pain
Sadness and so much pain
Anyone can close your eyes
Anyone can close their eyes
Pretend everything goes smoothly
Pretend that nothing is wrong
Open your eyes
Open your eyes
To find the light
And look for light
That day what is left
What did it leave behind?
And from here we take and erase what
What did it take from us and wash away?
Maybe a long way
It may be long
But as long as we re 'heart' start
But with our hearts start a new
Keep the faith and never give up
And keep it up and not give up
And head forward
With our heads held high
You have entered hell and come back again
You have seen hell and made it back again
How to forget ? 
We cannot forget
How to forget? 
We can't forget
Along those lost souls
The lives that were lost along the way
Later, you will realize that no matter where
And then you realize that wherever you go
Both to the security of
There you are
Waits for no man
Time won't stop
So we never stop
So we keep moving on
Last night turned into light
Yesterday's night turns to light
Tonight reconciled light
Tomorrow's night returns to light
To become the light
Be the light
Some days as superficial
Some days just pass by
But some day memorable
And some days are unforgettable
We cannot choose the answer
We can't choose the reason why
But we can choice tomorrow
But we can choose what to do from the day after
So let us hope that this firm which full determination
So with that hope, with that determination
Will create a brighter tomorrow and beautiful
Let's make tomorrow a brighter and better day ======== bneil4434 ========

I'm about to close the Gate of Hell forever.
♪ Carry on, my wayward son
♪ there'll be peace when you are done ♪
Ugh!
♪ Lay your weary head to rest
♪ Don't you cry no more
You were in Purgatory?
It felt pure.
I don't hunt anymore.
I found something.
Did you look for me?
Kevin Tran.
Thought you could elude me forever?
God built a series of tests.
When you've done all three, you can slam the Gates of Hell.
Where do we start?
Kill a hound of hell.
An innocent soul has to be rescued from Hell
- and delivered unto heaven.
- And the final test?
To cure a Demon.
♪ Once, I rose above the noise and confusion ♪
Abaddon -- a knight of Hell.
She's gone.
My name is Naomi.
We rescued you.
♪ I was soaring ever higher
The Angel Tablet.
I won't hurt Dean.
Kill him.
We're family.
I have to protect this tablet now.
These trials -- they're purifying me.
♪ I hear the voices when I'm dreaming ♪
Metatron?
I'm the scribe of God.
Heaven needs your help, Castiel.
♪ Carry on, my wayward son
I'm killing everyone you've ever saved.
Maybe we should just take the deal.
The trials -- you'll give them up.
Kick it in the ass like we always do.
Are you with me?
♪ ...no more
On the house, Sheriff.
Oh, thanks, Nance, but I didn't order -- so...
Good luck.
...what are we drinking?
Roderick?
Wow, Jody.
Words cannot begin to describe the injustice that that picture does to you.
Come on.
What?
Look at you.
The fancy career, the suit.
I'm pretty much what I am -- small-town girl.
We do share something, you and I.
What?
Loss.
My son and my husband.
How did you know?
I've lost someone, too.
It's not a date till I've cried.
So now you've cried.
Oh, this is crazy.
This is crazy.
I'm crazy.
He's attractive, though, right?
He's hot.
Manu mortis accesso, spiritus vitae recedit.
You have less than one minute before a very dear, attractive, and slightly tipsy friend of yours snuffs it.
Call it off, Crowley.
Because?
Because it's over, you son of a bitch.
We want to deal.
30 seconds.
We stop the trials, and you stop the killing.
I want the Demon Tablet -- the whole Demon Tablet.
Fine, but then the Angel Tablet comes to us.
On what grounds?
On the grounds that you're a douche bag and no douche bag should have that much power.
Deal or not?
First, I need to hear two little words --
I surrender.
♪ Supernatural 8x23 ♪ Sacrifice Original Air Date on May 15, 2013
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
You hid the Demon Tablet underneath the devil?
Seriously?
What? 
I was delirious.
You sure this is gonna work?
What choice do we have?
All right, listen, this is a secret lair.
You understand me?
No keggers.
I don't have any friends.
Yeah, well, just lay low.
Who knows?
You'll be a mathlete again before you know it.
You guys?
You're doing the right thing.
What was he like?
Who?
Oh. 
God?
Mm, pretty much like you'd expect.
Larger-than-life, gruff, bit of a sexist.
But fair -- eminently fair.
The Nephilim was a monster, Castiel.
And the next trial?
Across the street.
His name is Dwight Charles.
I've been listening in on the Angel radio.
Cupid frequency, actually.
And he is the next on their list.
Their list?
To do the horizontal mambo.
Slap bellies.
To find love.
Oh. 
Yes.
Well, that.
He's slotted to be dinged by Cupid's arrow within 24 hours, which is good for us, because the second trial is retrieving Cupid's bow.
No killing?
No killing.
Hello, boys.
What's that old expression?
Success has many fathers.
Failure is a Winchester.
Where's the stone?
You show us yours, and we'll show you ours.
Really, Dean?
I'm trying to conduct a professional negotiation here, and you want to talk dangly bits?
The stone.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slowly.
There she is.
And the contract?
Yeah, I'm sure there's no hidden agendas in there.
The highlights -- we swap tablets, you stand down from the trials forever.
You stop killing everyone we've ever saved.
Agreed.
Unh-unh-unh.
Nice try, squirrel.
Moose is doing these trials.
Moose signs.
No, no, no.
He's not signing anything until I read the fine print.
I can read it.
Hey, you wanted me here.
I'm here.
But I'll be damned if I'm gonna let him screw us even more.
What's this?
Trouble in paradise, boys?
What is it, Nathaniel?
One of our freelancers has reached out to us.
He's found Castiel.
Where?
A drinking establishment in Houston, Texas.
And...
What?
He says Castiel was not alone.
Who was he with?
By the description, I-I think it was him -- the scribe.
You're gonna move your lips the whole way up here, aren't you?
You know why I always defeat you?
It's your humanity.
It's a built-in handicap.
You always put emotion ahead of good, old-fashioned common sense.
Let's have the big galoot sign it now, shall we?
Is this a joke?
You realize all I have to do is...
Unh-unh-unh.
Demonic handcuffs, jackass.
No flicking, no teleporting, no smoking out -- oh, and...
no deal.
Which pretty much means that you're our bitch.
Fine.
You want to play chain gang?
Let's.
You saddled yourself to the wrong bull, mate.
I can do this all day, 'cause you know what?
Damn, it feels good!
But sooner or later, you're gonna have to face it -- you're ours.
Which means that your demon ass is going to be a mortal ass pretty damn quick.
What's he mouthing on about?
You're the third trial, Crowley.
What are you reading?
Personal advertisements.
The faster that man finds love, the faster the Cupid will come.
Trust me.
I'm friends with friends who do this for a living.
Help you gents?
Yes.
Would you say that you're looking for, uh, a partner in crime or, uh, someone who's into nurse role-play and light domination?
Brother, it's 10:00 a.m. on a Tuesday.
Uh, we'll have two drafts, please.
Coming up.
You're not the most subtle tool in the shed, are you?
Kill him.
Next one won't wing you.
Take it someplace else.
Let him go.
Haven't you caused enough harm already, Castiel?
Stop. 
Please, Castiel, don't make this any worse.
Please.
You really think this is gonna hold me, that you're gonna cure me or whatever it is?
He's primed.
How you feeling?
Honestly, for the first time in a long time, it feels like we're gonna win.
I'm good.
All right, well, no dancing in the end zone until we're finished.
What's the good father's playbook say now?
Well...
Now that we got the consecrated ground,
I just, uh
I slip Crowley one dose of blood every hour for eight hours and seal the deal with a bloody-fist sandwich.
That should do it.
Your blood's supposed to be purified, isn't it?
You ever, uh -- you ever done the "forgive me, father" before?
Well, once, when we were kids.
Which is why I have no clue what to say now.
Well, I mean, I could give you suggestions if you want.
O-okay. 
Yeah, sure.
All right.
Well, I'm just spit-balling here, but if I were you, uh...
Ruby, killing Lilith, letting Lucifer out, losing your soul, not looking for me when I went to Purgatory,
Thanks.
for starters.
Or, hey, h-how about what you did to, uh, Penny Markle in the sixth grade?
Why don't you lead with that?
Well, that was you.
Carry on.
Okay, um if anybody's listening, here goes.
Dean, I need your help.
Little busy, Cass.
Take a number.
I'm afraid this can't wait.
Naomi has taken Metatron.
And you know Metatron how?
I've been working with him on the Angel trials.
The what?
We're gonna shut it all down --
Heaven, Hell, all of it.
I know you.
We've never officially met.
Naomi.
Your reputation precedes you.
The Archangels -- wanted me to debrief you after God left.
"Debrief" me.
Is that what you call it?
Well, how would you know?
You ran before I had the chance.
But...here we are.
I just have one question before we begin.
You had to know that we would leap at the chance to extract all of God's secrets from that head of yours, which is why I ask myself...
Why?
Why did the scribe suddenly come in from the shadows?
And what are you doing with Castiel?
"Of the blessings set before you, make your choice and be content."
Not a big reader, are we?
Metatron, the guy who was full-on crazy, cat-lady-hoarder angel yesterday -- now he wants to save Heaven?
Yes, he wants to.
But I'm the only one who can.
I can't fail, Dean, not on this one.
I need your help.
Look, Cass, that's all well and good, okay, but you're asking me to leave Sam, and we've got Crowley in there tied and tressed.
Now, if anybody needs a chaperone while doing the heavy lifting, it's Sam.
You should go.
Seriously.
Oh, what, and leave you here with the King of Hell?
Come on.
I got this.
And if you guys can lock the angels up, too...
That's a good day.
Look, I...
I'm down with sending the angels back to Heaven, just 'cause they're dicks.
But the Demons?
This is on us.
Start the injections now.
If I'm not back in eight hours, finish it, no questions, no hesitation.
Yeah.
You really think injecting me with human blood is gonna make me human?
Did you read that on the back of a cereal box?
Aah!
You're miles out of your league, moose.
See you in an hour.
Is this a joke?
No.
It's the word of God.
What?
It's a tablet.
All right, translate.
That's what you do.
Okay.
Um, it's the Angel Tablet, which I've never laid eyes on in my life.
You want a translation in like six hours when it took me six months and a dead mom to translate a piece of the Demon Tablet?
And according to your own words this morning this is not what I do.
It's what I did.
You told me I was out, Dean.
Yeah, well -- and if this is gonna be the "guys like us are never out" speech, save it.
Dean's right.
Cass!
There is no out.
Only duty.
Get the hell off me.
You are a Prophet of the Lord, always and forever until the day you cease to exist, and then another Prophet takes your place.
Now, are you clear as to the task before you?
Then do it, and let's go.
Aah!
What the hell, Crowley?
Biting?
! 
Seriously?
!
Inferni sectatores, nunc audite regem.
For the love of everything, whoever is hearing this -- if anyone is hearing this -- this is your king.
Send help immediately.
Anything?
You've been gone long enough.
No.
There was one female, but...
What?
...I don't think she was female.
Anything here?
Free drinks.
Your, uh, buddy over there thinks you saved his life.
Do you really think it's wise to be drinking on the job?
What show you been watching?
Talk to me.
Are you sure about this?
I mean, it's one thing me and Sammy slamming the gates to the pit, but you -- you're -- you're boarding up Heaven, and you're locking the door behind you.
Yeah. 
I know.
You did a lot of damage up there, man.
You think they're just gonna let that slide?
Do you mean do I think they'll kill me?
Yeah, they might.
So this is it?
E.T. goes home.
Hey, there.
Where's Ed?
Flu. 
I'm Gail.
Well, okay, then.
Showtime.
Let me give you a hand.
Oh, thanks.
Ah.
You're a real gentleman.
Hey.
Holy crud, this is like the first five minutes of every porno I've ever seen.
Thanks.
Gail, Rod.
Ma'am.
Rod rides a stool here most days.
I'll be seeing you both.
Thanks for the help.
No problem.
Damn, that's sweet.
Damn, that's sweet.
♪ Oh, it's so nice to be with you ♪
♪ I love all the things you say and do ♪
How about the next one's on me?
♪ And it's so nice to hear you say ♪
♪ you're gonna please me in every way ♪
How we doing, Moose?
Ain't it about time for the next love injection?
♪ Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
♪ turn and face the strange
♪ ch-ch-changes
♪ just gonna have to be a different man ♪
♪ time may change me, but I can't trace -- ♪
Did you really think you could kidnap the King of Hell and no one was gonna notice, dumb nuts?
!
Hello, boys.
That's my line.
Abaddon?
They told me you were dead.
So not.
And the rest of the cavalry?
Oh, no, it's just little, old, unkillable me.
Brilliant.
Why send in a few grunts when you can send in a knight?
Say your prayers, Moose.
That'll do.
Undo these.
I'll kill him myself.
That was an order, was it?
I am your King.
About that...
Hello, brother.
Give us your bow.
What?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey.
Talk first, stab later.
Do you know what I find the most shocking about time-traveling through a closet and landing in the year 2013?
Aah!
Somebody thought it was a good idea to make you the King of Hell.
You know what that boy's trying to do, right?
He's trying to shut the Gates of Hell.
Right now you and I are gonna talk about regime change.
You little whore.
I am your k--
I love the suit.
Aah! 
Aah!
Aaaah!
I've been afraid to go home for some time now.
Orders used to come once a day, and now it's chaos.
It all seems to be breaking down.
And you think you can fix that?
With time, yes.
Take it, then.
You've been digging.
Why are you doing this -- this?
Do you have any idea what it would be like to be plucked from obscurity, to sit at God's feet,
to be asked to write down his word?
The ache I felt when he was gone, telling myself, "Father's left, but look what he's left us -- paradise."
But you and your Archangels couldn't leave well enough alone.
You ran me from my home.
Did you really think you could do all of that to me and there'd be no payback?
Ahh.
You did good back there, Moose.
I'll deny it if you ever quote me, but I'm a proud man.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
Hold on.
Uh, w-what's that?
It's what it looks like.
Are you joking?
I just saved your life.
Seriously?
Seriously?
Me, seriously?
We just shared a foxhole, you and I.
We beat back the Tet offensive, outrun the -- the rape of Nanking together!
And still you're gonna do me like this?
!
Aah!
Aah!
"Band of Brothers"?
"The Pacific"?
None of this means anything to you?
All those motels, you never once watched HBO, not once?
"Girls"?
You're my Marnie, Moose.
A-and Hannah -- she just -- she needs to be loved.
She deserves it.
Don't we all -- you, me -- we deserve to be loved.
I deserve to be loved!
I just want to be loved.
What?
What?
Would it be possible, Moose I'd like... to ask you a-a favor, Sam.
Earlier, when you were confessing back there what did you say?
I only ask because, given my history it raises the question...
Where do I start to even look for forgiveness?
I mean...
How about we start with this?
I think I found the Angel trials, but I don't see anything about a Nephilim or a Cupid's bow or anything like that.
Oh, come on, Kev!
We're on the one-yard line here.
Okay, a-and I should have mentioned this six months ago, but the sports metaphors -- y-you want to motivate me,
"Magic" cards, "Skyrim," Aziz Ansari.
I'm not here to fight you, Castiel.
Dean?
Not anymore.
Dean?
Where is Metatron?
He told you he was going to fix Heaven, didn't he?
Murdering a Nephilim, cutting off a Cupid's bow -- it's a lie, all of it.
I've been in his head.
You've been in all our heads.
That's the problem.
No, Castiel, you're wrong.
This is what you do.
You twist things.
I'm trying to fix Heaven.
Metatron is trying to fix Heaven.
Metatron isn't trying to fix anything.
He's trying to break it -- an act of revenge for driving him away.
Break it how?
Dean.
Expel all Angels from Heaven, just as God cast out Lucifer.
Cast you out to where?
Hell?
Here.
Thousands of us, walking the Earth.
Lies.
Wait!
Our mission was to protect what God created.
I don't know when we forgot that.
I want nothing more than to see you shut the Gates of Hell, but I told you that you could trust me.
If Sam completes those trials, he is going to die.
What the hell are you talking about?
I saw it in Metatron's head.
It was always God's intention -- the ultimate sacrifice.
As for you, Castiel, I beg of you, stop this path.
Metatron has been neutralized.
If you want back in, truly, I will listen.
Hey, right now, talk to me.
Is she lying?
I don't know.
Well, find out!
She's lying.
Take me to him.
Dean -- take me to him now!
Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, hanc animam redintegra, lustra.
Dean, I'm not wrong.
I'm going to fix my home.
Cass!
Sammy, stop!
She told you I lied, didn't she?
You should've listened to the bitch.
Easy there. 
Okay.
Just take it easy.
We got a slight change of plan.
What?
What's going on?
Where's Cass?
!
Metatron lied.
You finish this trial, you're dead, Sam.
So?
You promised.
Shh!
Castiel, I want you to stop thinking about master plans,
Heaven and Angels, and all this.
That doesn't concern you anymore.
These were never trials, Castiel.
This is a spell.
And what I'm taking from you now -- your essence, your Grace -- is the last piece.
And now something wonderful is going to happen, for me and for you.
I want you to live this new life to the fullest.
Find a wife.
Make babies.
And when you die and your soul comes to Heaven, find me.
Tell me your story.
Hmm?
Now go.
Look at him.
Look at him!
Look how close we are!
Other people will die if I don't finish this!
Think about it.
Think about what we know, huh?
Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound!
We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here.
But I can't do it without you.
You can barely do it with me.
I mean, you think I screw up everything I try.
You think I need a chaperone, remember?
Come on, man.
That's not what I meant.
No, it's exactly what you meant.
You want to know what I confessed in there?
What my greatest sin was?
It was how many times I let you down.
I can't do that again.
Sam --
What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again?
I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me?
Another angel, another -- another vampire?
Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother just -- Hold on, hold on!
You seriously think that?
Because none of it -- none of it -- is true.
Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay?
Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels.
I killed Benny to save you.
I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you.
Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you!
It has never been like that, ever!
I need you to see that.
I'm begging you.
How do I stop?
Just let it go.
I can't.
It's in me, Dean.
You don't know what this feels like.
Hey, listen, we will figure it out, okay, just like we always do.
Come on.
Come on. 
Let it go, okay?
Let it go, brother.
Hey, Dean.
See?
Aah!
Sam?
I got you, little brother.
You're gonna be just fine.
Sam, Sam?
Cass?
!
Castiel?
!
Where the hell are you?
Sammy!
No, Cass.
What's happening?
Angels.
They're falling.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

DEAN: 
I'm about to close the gates of hell forever.
SAM: 
You were in purgatory?
DEAN: 
It felt pure.
- I don't hunt anymore. 
I found something.
- Did you look for me?
Kevin Tran, thought you could elude me.
KEVIN: 
God built a series of test. 
When you've done, you can flood the gates of hell.
- Where do we start?
KEVIN: 
Kill a hound of hell.
Innocent soul must be rescued from hell and delivered to heaven.
CROWLEY: 
The final test?
- To cure a demon.
[SCREAMING]
SAM: 
Abaddon, the knight of hell.
- She's gone.
My name is Naomi. 
We rescued you.
[KEVIN SCREAMS]
NAOMI: 
The angel tablet.
- I won't hurt Dean.
Kill him.
We're family.
CASTIEL: 
I have to protect this tablet now.
SAM: 
These trials, they're purifying me.
- Uhn!
- Ha-ha.
- Metatron?
- I'm the scribe of God.
Heaven needs your help, Castiel.
- I'm killing everyone you ever saved.
- Maybe we should take the deal.
The trials, you'll give them up.
Kick it in the ass. 
Like we always do.
Are you with me?
- On the house, sheriff.
- Oh. 
Thanks, Nance, but I didn't order...
CROWLEY: 
So...
- Good luck.
What are we drinking?
Roderick?
Wow. 
Jody, words cannot begin to describe the injustice that, that picture does to you.
Come on.
CROWLEY: 
What?
- Look at you.
The fancy career, the suit.
I'm pretty much what I am, a small-town girl.
We do share something, you and I.
- What?
- Loss.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[GUNSHOT]
My son and my husband.
How did you know?
I've lost someone too.
[CHUCKLES]
It's not a date till I've cried.
So now you've cried.
This is crazy.
This is crazy.
Heh. 
I'm crazy.
He's attractive though, right?
He's hot.
[RECITING INCANTATION]
[GASPING]
[GRUNTING]
SIR MIX-A-LOT [SINGS OVER PHONE]:
I like big butts and I cannot lie
You have less than one minute before a very dear, attractive and slightly-tipsy friend of yours snuffs it.
- Call it off, Crowley.
- Because?
Because it's over, you son of a bitch.
We want a deal.
Thirty seconds.
[GRUNTING]
- We stop the trials, you stop killing.
- I want the demon tablet.
- The whole demon tablet.
- Fine, but then the angel tablet comes to us.
- On what grounds?
- On the grounds that you're a douche bag and no douche bag should have that much power. 
Deal or not?
[GASPING]
First, I need to hear two little words.
"I surrender."
[SHOVEL SCRAPING]
You hid the demon tablet underneath the devil?
- Seriously?
- What? 
I was delirious.
You sure this is gonna work?
What choice do we have?
DEAN: 
All right, listen.
This is a secret lair, you understand me?
- No keggers.
- I don't have any friends.
Well, just lay low.
Who knows, you'll be a mathlete again before you know it.
Hey, guys?
You're doing the right thing.
What was he like?
Who?
God?
Pretty much like you'd expect.
Larger than life.
Gruff.
Bit of a sexist.
But fair, eminently fair.
The Nephilim was a monster, Castiel.
And the next trial?
Across the street.
His name's Dwight Charles.
I've been listening in on the angel radio.
Cupid frequency actually.
And he is the next on their list.
Their list?
To do the horizontal mambo.
Slap bellies.
To find love?
Oh, yes.
Well, that.
He's slotted to be dinged by Cupid's arrow within 24 hours which is good for us because the second trial is retrieving Cupid's bow.
No killing?
No killing.
CROWLEY:
Hello, boys.
What's that old expression?
Success has many fathers, failure is a Winchester? 
Heh.
Where's the stone?
You show us yours, we'll show you ours.
Dean, I'm trying to conduct a professional negotiation here and you wanna talk dangly bits?
The stone.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. 
Slowly.
There she is.
The contract?
Yeah, I'm sure there's no hidden agendas in there.
The highlights. 
We swap tablets, you stand down from the trials forever.
You stop killing everyone we've ever saved.
Agreed.
Uh-uh-uh.
Nice try, squirrel.
Moose is doing these trials, moose signs.
No, no, no. 
He's not signing anything until I read the fine print.
- I can read it.
- Hey, you wanted me here, I'm here.
I'll be damned if I'm gonna let him screw us even more.
What's this?
Trouble in paradise, boys?
What is it, Nathaniel?
One of our freelancers has reached out to us.
He's found Castiel.
- Where?
- A drinking establishment.
In Houston, Texas. 
And...
What?
He says Castiel was not alone.
Who was he with?
By the description, I think it was him the scribe.
You're gonna move your lips the whole way up here, aren't you?
You know why I always defeat you?
It's your humanity. 
It's a built-in handicap.
You always put emotion ahead of good old-fashioned common sense.
Let's have the big galoot sign it now, shall we?
Is this a joke?
You realize, all I have to do is:
Uh-uh-uh.
Demonic handcuffs, jackass.
No flicking, no teleporting, no smoking out.
Oh, and no deal.
Which pretty much means that you're our bitch.
Fine. 
You wanna play chain gang? 
Let's.
You saddled yourself to the wrong bull, mate.
I could do this all day, because you know what?
Damn, it feels good.
But sooner or later, you're gonna have to face it.
You're ours.
Which means that your demon ass is going to be a mortal ass pretty damn quick.
- What's he mouthing on about?
- You're the third trial, Crowley.
- What are you reading?
METATRON: 
Personal advertisements.
[LOVE SONG PLAYING OVER JUKEBOX]
The faster that man finds love, the faster the Cupid will come.
Trust me. 
I'm friends with friends who do this for a living.
- Help you, gents?
- Yes.
Would you say that you're looking for a partner in crime or, uh someone who's into nurse role-play and light domination?
Brother, it's 10 a.m. On a Tuesday.
Uh... 
We'll have two drafts, please.
Coming up.
You are not the most subtle tool in the shed, are you?
[METATRON GRUNTS]
Kill him.
[GUNSHOT]
Next one won't wing you.
Take it someplace else.
Let him go.
Haven't you caused enough harm already, Castiel?
Stop. 
Please, Castiel, don't make this any worse.
Please.
[RUSTLING]
[SPRAYING PAINT]
[GRUNTS]
You really think this is gonna hold me?
That you're gonna cure me or whatever it is?
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
He's primed.
- How you feeling?
- Honestly?
For the first time in a long time, it feels like we're gonna win.
I'm good.
All right, no dancing in the end zone until we're finished.
What's the good Father's playbook say now?
Well now that we got the consecrated ground, I just, uh, ahem...
I slip Crowley one dose of blood every hour for eight hours and seal the deal with a bloody fist sandwich. 
That should do it.
Your blood's supposed to be purified, isn't it?
You ever?
You ever done the forgive-me-father before?
Once. 
When we were kids.
Which is why I have no clue what to say now.
I could give you suggestions, if you want.
- Okay, yeah. 
Sure.
- All right.
I'm just spit-balling here, but if I were you uh Ruby.
Killing Lilith. 
Letting Lucifer out.
Losing your soul. 
Not looking for me when I went to purgatory.
- Thanks.
- For starters.
Hey, how about what you did to Penny Markle in the sixth grade?
Why don't you lead with that?
Well, that was you.
Carry on.
[EXHALES]
Okay. 
Um, ahem.
If anybody is listening here goes.
CASTIEL:
Dean, I need your help.
Little busy, Cass. 
Take a number.
I'm afraid this can't wait.
Naomi has taken Metatron.
- You know Metatron how?
- I've been working with him on the angel trials.
- The what?
- We're gonna shut it all down.
Heaven. 
Hell. 
All of it.
- I know you.
- We've never officially met.
Naomi.
Your reputation precedes you.
- The archangels...
- Wanted me to debrief you after God left.
[CHUCKLES]
Debrief me.
Is that what you call it?
How would you know?
You ran before I had the chance.
But here we are.
I just have one question before we begin.
You had to know that we would leap at the chance to extract all of God's secrets from that head of yours.
Which is why I ask myself, why?
Why did the scribe suddenly come in from the shadows?
And what are you doing with Castiel?
"Of the blessings set before you, make your choice and be content."
Not a big reader, are we?
[DRILL WHIRRING]
Metatron?
The guy who was full-on crazy, cat lady, hoarder angel yesterday now he wants to save heaven?
Yes. 
He wants to.
But I'm the only one who can.
I can't fail, Dean. 
Not on this one.
I need your help.
Cass, that's all well and good, okay?
But you're asking me to leave Sam when we've got Crowley tied and tressed.
Now, if anybody needs a chaperone while doing the heavy lifting it's Sam.
You should go.
- Seriously.
- What, and leave you here with the king of hell? 
Come on.
I got this.
And if you guys can lock the angels up too that's a good day.
Look, I...
I'm down with sending the angels back to heaven just because they're dicks but the demons? 
This is on us.
Start the injections now.
If I'm not back in eight hours, finish it.
No questions, no hesitation.
Yeah.
[RUSTLING]
[GRUNTS]
You really think injecting me with human blood is gonna make me human?
Did you read that on the back of a cereal box?
CROWLEY:
Aah!
[GRUNTS]
Hmm.
You're miles out of your league, moose.
See you in an hour.
[EXHALES]
KEVIN:
Is this a joke?
No, it's the word of God.
- What?
- It's a tablet.
Now translate. 
That's what you do.
Okay, it's the angel tablet which I've never laid eyes on in my life.
You want a translation in, like, six hours when it took me six months and a dead mom to translate a piece of the demon tablet?
And according to your own words this morning this is not what I do, it's what I did.
- You told me I was out, Dean.
- Yeah, well...
And if this is gonna be the "guys like us are never out" speech, save it.
- Dean's right.
- Cass.
There is no out. 
Only duty.
Get the hell off of me.
You are a prophet of the Lord, always and forever.
Until the day you cease to exist and another prophet takes your place.
Now, are you clear as to the task before you?
Then do it. 
We must go.
[RUSTLING]
[BOTH GRUNT]
What the hell, Crowley?
Biting? 
Seriously?
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
[RECITING INCANTATION]
For the love of everything, whoever is hearing this if anyone is hearing this, this is your king.
Send help immediately.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
- Anything? 
You were gone long enough.
- No.
- There was one female but...
- What?
I don't think she was female.
- Anything here?
- Free drinks.
Your buddy over there thinks you saved his life.
You really think it's wise to be drinking on the job?
What show you been watching?
Talk to me. 
You sure about this?
It's one thing, me and Sammy slamming the gates to the pit, but you you're boarding up heaven, then you're locking the door behind you.
Yeah, I know.
You did a lot damage up there, man.
You think they're just gonna let that slide?
You mean, do I think they'll kill me?
Yeah, they might.
So this is it.
E.T. Goes home.
[DOOR OPENS]
DWIGHT:
Hey, there. 
Where's Ed?
- Flu. 
I'm Gail.
DWIGHT: 
Well, okay then.
Showtime.
DWIGHT: 
Let me give you a hand.
GAIL: 
Oh, thanks.
You're a real gentleman. 
Hey.
This is like the first five minutes of every porno I've ever seen.
GAIL:
Thanks.
DWIGHT:
Gail, Rod.
- Ma'am.
- Rod rides a stool here most days.
I'll be seeing you both.
- Thanks for the help.
DWIGHT: 
No problem.
[GALLERY'S "NICE TO BE WITH YOU" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
[IN UNISON] Damn, that's sweet.
Oh, it's so nice to be with you I love all the things you say and do
How about the next one's on me?
Oh, it's so nice to hear you say You're gonna please me in every way
CROWLEY:
How we doing, moose?
Ain't it about time for the next love injection?
[SINGS] Ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strain Ch-ch-changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me But I can trace...
[RUMBLING]
Did you really think you could kidnap the king of hell and no one was gonna notice, dumbnuts?
Hello, boys.
That's my line.
Abaddon?
- They told me you were dead.
- So not.
- And the rest of the cavalry?
- Oh, no, it's just little old un-killable me.
[GUNSHOTS]
Brilliant. 
Why send in a few grunts when you can send in a knight?
Say your prayers, moose.
That'll do.
Undo these, I'll kill him myself.
That was an order, was it?
- I am your king.
- About that...
- Hello, brother.
- Give us your bow.
- What?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. 
Hey.
Talk first, stab later.
Know what I find most shocking about time-traveling through a closet and landing in the year 2013?
Somebody thought it was a good idea to make you the king of hell.
You know what that boy's trying to do, right?
He's trying to shut the gates of hell.
Right now, you and I are gonna talk about a regime change.
You little whore. 
I am your kin...
[GASPS]
Love the suit.
[SCREAMING]
[SIGHS]
I've been afraid to go home for some time now.
Orders used to come once a day and now it's chaos.
It all seems to be breaking down.
And you think you can fix that?
With time, yes.
GAIL:
Take it, then.
You've been digging.
Why are you doing this? 
This?
Do you have any idea what it would be like to be plucked from obscurity to sit at God's feet to be asked to write down his word?
The ache I felt when he was gone?
Telling myself Father's left, but look what he's left us, paradise.
But you and your archangels couldn't leave well enough alone.
You ran me from my home.
Did you really think you could do all of that to me and there'd be no payback?
[GRUNTS]
Ah.
You did good back there, moose.
I'll deny it if you ever quote me but, man, I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
Hold on. 
What's that?
SAM:
It's what it looks like.
CROWLEY:
Are you joking?
I just saved your life.
[SAM LAUGHS]
- Seriously?
- Seriously? 
Me seriously?
We just shared a foxhole, you and I.
Beat back the Tet Offensive, outran the Rape of Nanking. 
Together.
And still you're gonna do me like this? 
Aah!
[GRUNTS]
Band of Brothers? 
The Pacific?
None of this means anything to you?
All those motels, you never once watched HBO? 
Not once? 
Girls?
You're my Marnie, moose.
And Hanna, she just needs to be loved, she deserves it.
Don't we all? 
You? 
Me?
We deserve to be loved.
I deserve to be loved!
I just wanna be loved.
What?
Huh?
CROWLEY:
Would it be possible, moose?
I'd like to ask you a favor Sam.
Earlier, when you were confessing back there what did you say?
I only ask because given my history it raises the question where do I start to even look for forgiveness?
I mean...
How about we start with this?
I think I found the angel trials but I don't see anything about a Nephilim or a Cupid's bow or anything like that.
Oh, come on, Kev, we're on the 1 yard line here.
And I should have mentioned this six months ago, but the sports metaphors?
You wanna motivate me?
Magic cards, Skyrim, Aziz Ansari.
What? 
Yeah, I don't know what those words mean.
[RUSTLING]
I'm not here to fight you, Castiel.
KEVIN:
Dean?
- Not anymore.
- Dean?
Where is Metatron?
He told you he was going to fix heaven, didn't he?
Murdering a Nephilim, cutting off a Cupid's bow.
It's a lie. 
All of it. 
I've been in his head.
You've been in all our heads.
- That's the problem.
- No, Castiel. 
You're wrong.
This is what you do.
You twist things.
I'm trying to fix heaven.
Metatron is trying to fix heaven.
Metatron isn't trying to fix anything, he's trying to break it.
- An act of revenge for driving him away.
DEAN: 
Break it how?
- Dean.
- Expel all angels from heaven.
Just as God cast out Lucifer.
Cast you out? 
To where? 
Hell?
Here.
Thousands of us, walking the earth.
- Lies.
- Wait.
Our mission was to protect what God created.
I don't know when we forgot that.
I want nothing more than to see you shut the gates of hell but I told you that you could trust me.
If Sam completes those trials, he is going to die.
- What the hell are you talking about?
- I saw it in Metatron's head.
It was always God's intention.
The ultimate sacrifice.
As for you, Castiel, I beg of you, stop this path.
Metatron has been neutralized.
If you want back in, truly I will listen.
[RUSTLING]
Hey, right now, talk to me.
Is she lying?
- I don't know.
- Well, find out.
- She's lying.
- Take me to him.
- Dean.
- Take me to him now.
[RECITING INCANTATION]
[PANTS THEN MOANS]
CASTIEL:
Dean, I'm not wrong.
I'm going to fix my home.
[RUSTLING]
Cass?
[DOOR THUDS]
Sammy, stop!
METATRON:
She told you I lied, didn't she?
You should've listened to the bitch.
DEAN:
Easy there, okay?
Just take it easy.
We got a slight change of plan.
What?
- What's going on? 
Where's Cass?
- Metatron lied.
You finish this trial, you're dead, Sam.
So?
- You promised.
- Shh.
Castiel, I want you to stop thinking about master plans and heaven and angels, and of all this.
That doesn't concern you anymore.
[CASTIEL GROANS]
These were never trials, Castiel this is a spell.
What I'm taking from you now your essence, your grace, is the last piece.
[CASTIEL GRUNTING]
And now something wonderful is going to happen for me and for you.
I want you to live this new life to the fullest.
Find a wife, make babies.
And when you die, and your soul comes to heaven find me and tell me your story.
Hmm?
Now go.
Look at him. 
Look at him.
Look how close we are.
Other people will die if I don't finish this.
Think about it.
Think about what we know. 
Huh?
Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a hellhound.
We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here but I can't do that without you.
You can barely do it with me.
I mean, you think I screw up everything I try.
You think I need a chaperone, remember?
- Come on, man, that's not what I meant.
- It's exactly what you meant.
You wanna know what I confessed in there?
What my greatest sin was?
It was how many times I'd let you down.
- I can't do that again.
- Sam.
What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again?
Who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me?
Another angel? 
Another?
Another vampire?
You have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother...?
Hold on. 
Hold on.
You seriously think that?
Because none of it, none of it, is true.
Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay?
I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels, but, Sammy...
I killed Benny to save you.
I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed Mom walk because of you. 
Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you.
It has never been like that. 
Ever.
I need you to see that.
I'm begging you.
How do I stop?
- Just let it go.
- I can't.
It's in me.
You don't know what this feels like.
DEAN:
Hey, listen to me.
We will figure it out, okay?
Just like we always do.
Come on. 
Come on.
You let it go, okay?
Let it go, brother.
Hey, hey, hey.
See?
- Aah!
- Sam?
DEAN: 
I got you, little brother, you're gonna be just fine.
Sam. 
Sam. 
Sam.
Cass! 
Castiel!
Where the hell are you?
[MACHINES POWERING UP]
[MACHINES WHIRRING]
Sammy.
[SAM GROANING]
[ALARM BLARING]
[ALARM CONTINUES BLARING]
[CLICKING]
[RUMBLING]
No, Cass.
What's happening?
Angels.
They're falling.
[English 
- US 
- SDH]

On the top of a hillside, deep in the mountains of Shuturmurg, India, sits a mystical retreat long sought out by those seeking answers...
Is this real?
...to the questions that define us.
I mean, is any of this real?
How do I know what's real?
This is Lindsay Bluth Fünke.
You see me before you, yes?
I am real to you.
And this bag next to me, it is as real as you or me.
No, I know that one's real.
I meant the other one, the Louis Vuitton.
I don't remember Vuitton having two E's.
The hillside was also known for their bargains on designer handbags.
That's how they do it here.
You can't go wrong.
Best bag on the mountain.
I love this bag.
I give you 60 for it.
It's the best bag on the mountain.
- Excuse me. 
I'll give you $70.
- I just promised it to her.
Lindsay Bluth had come to India for both reasons.
$120.
You just bought the best bag on the mountain. 
Congratulations.
Best bag on the mountain.
Now, the story of a family whose future was abruptly canceled, and the one daughter who had no choice but to keep her life together.
It's Lindsay's Arrested Development.
I love it.
Lindsay was on a spiritual journey to let go of all possessions and to find something cute to keep her stuff in.
It's gorgeous.
Months earlier, Lindsay had lost her bearings after finding out she wasn't born to the family she couldn't bear.
I'm adopted?
So, after getting briefly creepy with her brother...
I'm just not that into older women.
- Don't worry about it.
- You bastard!
She shared some resentments with her family at the boat party.
Kitty likes to scratch...
But before she could disassociate herself from the Bluth name...
Because now I know that we're not related.
Anyway, Michael...
Oh, my God. it's the SEC.
The Bluth name would become...
Is as sullied as Newport Bay on the 5th ofMay.
They are persecuting me.
It was an accident.
This is ridiculous!
If I'd told them we were taking a bunch of gays out there to get married, they'd have thrown me a parade.
Let's tell them we were taking a bunch of gays to get married.
Yeah, I don't think your record on that issue is going to back that up, Mom.
In fact, it was an issue of the Bay Window magazine that would most damage her with the gay community.
Fine. 
We'll say they took it on a joyride.
And you have no right to criticize me.
At least I was able to turn my Queen around.
None taken.
This is Tobias Fünke, who shouldha ve taken more.
You cannot say one nice thing to your daughter, can you?
Adopted daughter.
And that's not true.
Could I have the Bluth family over here, please?
And over here, the victims of the Bluth family?
And that's when Lindsay founda Iabelmore fitting than "Bluth. "
No, Lindsay, you're going to the wrong area.
Kenny, Chet, Curtis, Mike, Bix, and Gator are over here.
We should be over here at the Bluth area with Gob and Buster and, uh...
Your brother, uh...
- Michael?
- Michael. 
Yes.
Sorry. 
I was thinking of Mike, the hot seaman.
No, where is Michael?
It doesn't matter. 
He's not my brother.
This isn't my family.
No, I've spent years...
Yes! 
Got my "Yes."
I got that big "Yes."
I've spent years trying to fit into this family, and it's not me.
My life is a fallacy.
Oh...
Is that a gall see?
No, it's just a fallacy
We loved that.
Where's that from?
It's from nothing.
But it made her realize this, too.
I don't know if there's a right time to say this, but this marriage of ours, it hasn't been working.
Yeah, there's nothing keeping us together.
I believe we're thinking the same thing.
- Yeah, we should end it.
- Let's give it another shot.
To the head. 
Kill it. 
Yes.
Lindsay was looking for inspiration before she set out on her new path.
And it only took until the "Pray" section of Eat, Pray, Love for her to find it.
Hmm.
Soon, she was beginning a journey
-to reinvent herself.
- Oh!
I'm doing it again.
I have to let go of these material things.
To leave the trappings of her old life and try to live with less.
There.
Her immersion into Indian culture began even before reaching the airport.
And so this daily prayer, it connects one to the whole.
Yes, the whole of humanity. 
Yes.
Look at this guy, ah?
Stay in your lane, anus tart!
(BLEEP) anus tart!
God.
You know, you sense the oneness in all.
And they have normal toilets, right?
Andafter an hour or so with SkyMall, where she was proud of herself for only buying two things, a self-cleaning litter box in case she ever got a cat, and an inflatable hat box in case she ever got a hat,
she got to a great article in the in-flight magazine and found herself filling up with inner peace and acceptance.
I mean, not right away.
What is she doing back there?
That passenger had been pushing on her seat for, like, four hours.
Lindsay's journey to let go ofher baggage got off to a bad start at baggage claim when she picked up the wrong baggage.
And her Western notions of the value of life were challenged on the bus ride to the hotel.
- Oh!
Oh, my God. 
Did we just hit something?
Shouldn't we stop?
No. 
It wasn't a cow.
It was just a tourist.
And that's how Lindsay's path to living with less...
Wait. 
This isn't my...
How am I supposed to find out who I really am dressed like this chick?
...took a brief detour into a shopping spree
- at India's famous Mall Mountain.
- It's cute on me.
But I thought it was supposed to say "Kate."
Oh, no, anything under a small is considered a David Spade.
I love this jacket. 
I'll give you 60 for it.
Best coat on the mountain.
-65.
-70!
It'd look great on my wife or my sickly son.
-100 bucks. 
Yes!
-$100, yes.
That is the best jacket on the mountain for $100.
And soon, she was back at the hotel and ready for her spiritual experience.
Yeah, hi. 
Uh...
Were you able to book my 3:00 shaman?
Oh, yes. 
Did you want the deep wisdom or just a light ego cleanse?
We do those by the pool.
There's a pool?
It's hard to tell because there are so many people in it, but yes, it is a pool.
Well, yeah, by the pool, then.
And, um, do you think you can get someone to remove the smell of lamb from my room?
Of course.
And which animal smell would you prefer?
Which do you prefer?
But at her 3:00 p.m. shaman...
You are living a life without love.
...Lindsay got a deeper treatment than she had hoped for.
How do I learn to be happy?
You know, to love?
When love is near your heart, you'll be happy.
You must live life truthfully.
Yeah, no, I do live truthfully, but I'm just so full of passion.
You are so full of (BLEEP).
Yeah, yeah.
Although, in my culture, "full of (BLEEP)" is kind of like a dig.
I mean, you'd never say it to a customer.
But yeah, no, I know what you mean.
This bag is as fake as you are.
Well, how do I learn?
Just look at the spelling.
God. 
No, I...
Pull your head out of the sand.
Love is where you left it.
You mean back home?
God. 
The only person back home is Tobias.
You have no children?
Lindsay thought she was being hit on.
No. 
Why do you ask?
Wait a minute. 
You're saying
I've come halfway around the world to find out I need to go back home?
God, I haven't even gone to the beach yet.
She had. 
It was just too crowded to see the water.
It was a moving experience, but after leaving the tent, it wasn't just the shaman's words that got through to her.
It was this.
I'm sorry. 
Your AmEx was declined.
Your account is maxed out.
We had to cancel your shaman appointment.
No, no, I just talked to the shaman, just right back at...
Coincidence?
Get out! 
Get out! 
Go away!
Get out! 
Get out! 
Get out!
I'm sorry to yell at you, but as I said, it was declined.
So get out.
But, fortunately, the universe offered a solution to her financial problem that wasn't too far off from what her shaman had said.
Oh, I've got money for you, sweetie, but it means my loving daughter smiling next to her husband sitting behind me at the trial.
Would you take a grimace?
So it was with this dual intention that she reached out to a husband she'd left behind, with a new sense of inner peace.
Of course, there was still some outer stuff she needed to work through.
I'm ready to make this work.
It was with a sense of enlightenment that Lindsay returned from her spiritual journey.
To get her hands on the stimulus money, too, right?
Stop with the prayer hands.
It just looks like you're out of ideas.
Seriously, shoot me if you ever catch me doing that.
Says the least spiritual man I know.
What deal did you strike with her?
What part of her soul did you buy?
All I've asked is that she testify that
I was a wonderful mother who did her best.
So all of it.
No, Michael. 
I'm not a whore.
I don't get any of the money until after I do the disgusting thing.
But I'm not here just for the stimmy.
I'm here because a shaman told me that love is where I left it.
Which, after much soul searching and by process of elimination, is Tobias.
I got the part.
And so Lindsay and Tobias took another shot at being husband and wife.
Andalthough they wouldn't ha ve money untilafter theperjury, they set about buying a home.
Are you ready to make a move?
As you can see, I'm ready for a lot that's new.
Oh! 
Good heavens!
Right! 
Well, this is a great area.
There's some wonderful surgi-centers nearby.
We're doing it. 
We're really doing this.
Yes! 
We're gonna get you in the right house.
And it's just the two of you?
You have no children?
We don't.
We should be honest here.
We have no income flow.
No incoming income flow.
We have plenty of outgoing income.
No savings, no credit.
I mean, we had some stimmy, but that went to his hospital bills.
But there's one thing we do have...
Work ethic!
Right. 
No work ethic.
But there's one thing we do have, we do have a daughter.
I was just on auto-pilot before, when I said we didn't.
I should have caught that, yeah, but...
I could've spoken up, but I just wanted to see if you guys got there.
Well, you guys seem like a great family.
We have to be realistic.
I'm in the real estate business.
It's 2006.
That's all good enough for me.
We're gonna put you in a NINJA loan.
"No income, no jobs, no assets."
And you don't have to pay a penny for two years.
Oh, NINJA, please!
So we'll take something cozy and intimate.
- A one-bedroom.
- Or bigger.
Yeah, how about something nice?
A three-bedroom?
- Three does sound bigger.
- Oh, it definitely is.
You have to remember that this was a time when banks were eager to create as much debt as possible.
The five-bedroom, four-car garage.
And I know that you guys are going to be okay with just one master bathroom, because a lot of people do prefer two.
You know, they like to just have it.
- Maybe separate, so we have it.
- So we have it. 
That way we have it.
That way you have it.
Do you think we really need one?
I'm just gonna interrupt for a second.
You don't need a wine cellar, if you want to do wine tastings in your butler's kitchen.
I mean, this really isn't what we discussed.
Well, we didn't discuss any of this, but, uh, yes,
I guess, that way, we have it.
Well, yeah...
That way, you'll definitely have it.
And then once you have it, that way, you'll have it.
But do we need a gatehouse?
I just put John Beard into a house with a double gatehouse.
Now, that's John Beard, he's on television.
No one's gonna look down on you just 'cause you have less than John Beard.
- Is this crazy?
- I think so.
- We'll take the double gatehouse.
- Oh, is that what you thought?
- Well, that way, we'll have it.
- We have it.
And that way, you have it.
There was a lot of this going on back then.
This way, we have it.
And soon, they were starting their new life in their new beautiful home.
Mother's Day eve was the most joyous day of the year.
Maeby, you're gonna be late for school.
And what they lost in coziness...
God, they grow up so slowly.
...they made up for in cavernous...
- And the robot's dead again.
-...unfurnished space.
Uh... 
Poor little guy.
Ran out of juice before he could reach his...
With her mother's trial coming up,
Lindsay made an effort to work on her testimony.
"...when I was hungry, I..."
Go on.
You don't want me to say this next part, do you?
I think it tells the story.
But am I accidentally being funny, or am I purposely being funny?
It's not supposed to be funny.
"Suckled at her champagne glass breasts"
isn't a joke?
Buster wrote it.
Recently?
I adapted it from a letter he wrote from camp.
I miss you, Mommy. 
Camp is scary at times.
When I was cold, you clothed me. 
When I was hungry...
Uh... 
How do I say this?
Suckled at your champagne glass breasts.
Oh, that's good.
It doesn't matter. 
I'll be proofing it, anyway.
God. 
This is from Camp Kiss-A-Me-Mommy?
Just read the copy.
You're getting paid for this.
No. 
You know what?
The money is not important to me.
My shaman said...
Oh, don't give me that mystical nonsense.
You think you're better than I am, but you're a lot more like me than you think you are.
Now, let's take it from, "I hope she gives me bubble baths forever."
And I want to smell the suds.
But worse news was around the corner.
The collapse of the California housing market is taking a personal toll with...
- Uh-oh!
-...
layoffs here at the station.
In addition, I'm leaving the keys to my 10,000-square-foot home in Harbor Shallows here on the desk...
Well, it probably shouldn't affect our area.
He's over by where the fountain is.
Might I say to them, good luck getting that (BLEEP) raccoon smell out of the gatehouse, because I never could.
But you and I are okay, right?
I mean, this works, right?
Never better.
And the week of Lucille's trial, they got some even worse news.
What's this? 
Mother's not going to pay?
She actually said she'd only pay me if my testimony is believable.
Lindsay! 
Lindsay!
But how am I supposed to say something like, "I love you, Mother,"
and sound believable?
Look, Jesus... 
Jesus C. Penny!
I wish I had the luxury of not sounding believable.
But that's not an option for an out-of-work actor, is it?
Or it's why you're out of work!
Well, I beg one's pardon, but I have been dying to go to that Method Acting Clinic that I see on my nightly drives, but you won't let me!
Because you already wasted all that money on Carl Weathers' Master Acting Class.
Well, I'm sorry, but I'm such a star (BLEEP) that I didn't pay attention to anything he said!
Oh, well, then, maybe I should go to your Method Acting Class to make my testimony more believable!
That's actually a good idea.
Maybe you could...
Oh! 
Hi. 
Yes.
Well, perhaps we should go together.
Yeah. 
Might be good for us, as a couple.
I do hope so.
I really want to make this work.
Me, too.
I really love you, Tobias.
Oh, Lindsay, we have got to get you to that acting clinic.
And that was with me picturing fudge.
Fudge.
To bond with her husband and prepare for her testimony,
Lindsay had decided to attend an acting class with Tobias.
This is the first time
I've actually done something like this with you.
I think I always kind of looked down on it.
Lindsay, I think you'll find that some of what used to seem clueless about me is actually something I'm quite good at.
This is where I belong.
If you're new here, you need to go to the window.
Fill out this form first.
And there's some personal questions on it, like how you first got hooked.
Well, that's an easy one.
You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown.
No, Mame.
No, ma'am... 
You're A Good Man...
You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown.
- Would you like to start?
- Gypsy. 
Gypsy.
Just come up here and be as truthful as possible.
Okay, this is (BLEEP) overwhelming.
- Oh, they're starting the monologues.
- Clean for three hours...
I think this is from Songs for My Father.
This (BLEEP) is (BLEEP) up, right?
What did you say the name of this acting class was again?
Method One Clinic.
Okay, I'm gonna go get coffee.
"Garden Grove Methodone Clinic."
And moments later, as Lindsay, once again, found herself questioning her husband's choices, one of hers was questioned.
That's not Free Trade, and if it's not Free Trade, it's (BLEEP).
- I wouldn't...
You don't look like a junkie.
You do.
What do you weigh, like, 90 pounds?
That's so funny!
Oh, God, um, thank you.
But no, no.
If I'm addicted to anything, it's alcohol.
I'm Lindsay. 
And you're "Biteme."
No, I don't like giving my name to any state organization, especially after I got kicked off the voter rolls, 'cause I accidentally signed up for the wrong political group.
What group was that?
I don't even remember.
Just some guy in a booth on the boardwalk.
He joined al-Qaeda.
And I only signed up 'cause he was giving away a free beard brush.
That says "al-Qaeda" on it.
But maybe he thought it was the designer of the brush.
I'm Marky Bark.
Of the tree-freer Barks?
Marky was the son of Johnny Bark, an activist that Lindsay had once helped save, and then kill, a tree.
Oh, my God! 
I remember him!
I remember thinking, one day, he was just gonna fall out of a tree and break his neck.
Whatever happened to him?
He fell out of a tree and broke his neck.
Oh, God...
No, I'm just kidding.
-
- Oh!
So how is he?
Oh, he's dead. 
But natural causes.
A bunch of deranged bees chased him out of a tree and he fell to his death.
So, are you here alone, or...
No, I'm with her.
She's a committee member.
- Which committee is that?
- Itty-bitty (BLEEP).
What a wonderful sense of humor.
Listen, the only time DeBrie can keep food down is for about 20 minutes after she comes crashing off the methadone, so would you care to join us as we rustle up some grub to shove down our mouths?
I would like that very much.
So Tobias and Lindsay drove to meet their new friends for lunch.
They are such a neat couple!
Are they neat?
It's so fun to have another couple to go out with.
He's amazing. 
I mean, so passionate about real issues.
He's a real activist, like me.
And she's a real actress, like me!
Oh, she used to be in big movies, but then, like a lot of actors, the teeth go...
But she is the perfect age to be a Hollywood actress, 42.
Is that all?
Oh, I think this is the place.
It's a barter restaurant.
Marky doesn't believe in money.
Do I like Barter?
No, it means they don't deal with money.
- That's why I swiped that methadone tray.
- Hmm.
What interesting friends we've made.
I think this is exactly what our marriage needed.
Lindsay and Tobias gathered with their new friends...
Hi, y'all! 
This your first time at C. W Swappigan's, a chain that sprung up after the economic collapse.
We are like a Salvation Army meets a soup kitchen, meets a gastro pub, meets a Marxist-or Leninist-type social structure.
These are things that you can order and these are things that we will accept.
As you see on the bottom, we don't have the fish, and we're not taking any more lava lamps.
Uh-oh, I can see this one's got that deer-in-the-headlights look!
Oh, no. 
He just took some methadone.
He thought he was driving with a cocktail tray.
Speaking of that, how about mozzarella sticks for the table?
Cocktail tray, light scratching, for mozzarella sticks.
Six, no sauce.
And maybe some sparkling water for the table.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
We're no longer taking hotel soaps.
This is fun.
A lot of people couldn't handle a dumpster dive for their first double date.
Is that what this is?
Now, wait a second. 
I wasn't driving?
It's just so refreshing to meet people with real passion about changing the status quo.
Lindsay and I don't have a single friend.
Is the food here yet?
I'm not hungry, but, uh...
- Oh, look, it's butter.
- DeBrie.
Wow!
DeBrie, that's our butter.
We were going to swap it for dessert.
No, she's improvising. 
Yes, ma'am.
You seem to be liking that butter substitute at Swappigan's.
Yes, and what else could you swap for?
Uh, yes, and...
Oh, I'm out. 
She's too good.
I don't know who my guy is.
I don't have a guy.
No, she just likes butter.
Come on, let's get you cleaned up.
- Don't touch anything.
- Marky, I'll take her.
You two just got here.
Have a chat about. 
I'll clean her up.
Come on, DeBrie.
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be.
I love it here.
My mother would hate this place.
You know, Lindsay, I have to tell you, when I first met you,
I thought you were one of those typical, uptight, snobby, Newport Beach, vapid...
Nut-busters!
You know, one of those monsters that lives in a 10,000-square-foot house that they destroyed the wetlands for.
Those were wetlands?
That explains our Thanksgiving miracle.
What do you mean, you didn't make dinner?
I didn't realize it was Thursday, okay?
There's got to be something here.
Get it! 
Get it!
Chase it into the oven!
Come on. 
Come on. 
Here, little ducky.
- That's a good duck.
- Good duck.
In you go!
This is going to be the greatest Thanksgiving ever.
It's a miracle!
Well, I actually do live in a fairly large house right now.
But we've never made a payment on it.
So you're sticking it to big banking. 
That's cool.
Yes.
In fact, I'm only in America because a shaman told me that love would come to me when I accepted who I am and didn't run away.
Sounds like a good shaman.
Oh, he was the house shaman at the Four Seasons Mumbai, so you figure he's got to be pretty good.
Oh, and he turned into an ostrich at the end, so...
They're not going to have that at the Embassy Suites.
That's funny. 
I actually run an ostrich farm.
Coincidence?
That's not a coincidence.
Yes, it is
Marky, I've got to tell you, talking about these social issues, it's the first time I've felt like myself in a really long time.
That's because I say what I mean, I do what I feel.
No lies.
Lindsay felt guilty because she was about to go enter a crab house / courtroom and do just that.
That's why my motto is, "Live truthfully and skate through life."
Marky felt guilty because it wasn't his motto.
It was the motto of a surf and skateboard company.
Live truthfully. 
Skate through life.
That's amazing.
I haven't felt this deep a connection with someone in a long, long time.
Other than DeBrie.
I can't believe we just did that.
I can't believe how little give your teeth have.
So, where do you keep your ostriches?
Sheraton mini soap for a taco salad?
We don't take hotel soap!
And perhaps it was to get back at her mother...
Leave a tip! 
Leave a tip!
Or to get out of a relationship that had been over for a long time, but that's when Lindsay hopped off to pursue a life she felt was her destiny.
And the new lovers discovered each other.
The beautiful female body, the horrible male.
Wow. 
That was so fast.
Thanks.
I didn't know how long we'd be stuck in traffic, so...
Oh! 
And it sounds like it's moving, so...
Move it!
- Come on! 
Come on! 
Let's go!
- Careful!
And as they drove, they learned so much about each other.
I was always just in such a rush to grow up and change this world, and foolishly, the teeth I pulled were my adult teeth.
So this guy all the way to that guy back there, that's just a piece of wood I stick in there.
I mean, they're just chewing tools.
I don't care about looks.
But you find me pretty, though, right?
No. 
I have no idea what you look like.
I have this condition called face blindness.
I mean, I can tell you're a woman.
Oh, stop.
But, honestly, no, all I see is, eyes and nose, hair, ears and...
But I can tell you got a great heart, Lindsay.
I can tell you've been living a lie.
You and I are going to change this world together. 
Whoo!
You know, my shaman told me that I should stop caring about appearances.
My whole life, that's all anyone has ever praised.
All my mom ever cared about.
Because I'm really pretty.
I just thought I'd tell you that so the story made sense.
I don't care.
But I guess it's kind of karma that I ended up with someone who wanted to make love to me no matter what I look like.
Also wanted to make sure you weren't a dude.
I can tell with voices usually, but some guys, they'll fool you if that's what they want to do.
Hey...
Are you smiling at me?
Lindsay decided it was only fair to let her husband know their new start had reached a new end.
I left. 
I guess you noticed.
Look, I'm sorry.
I really do care about you, Tobias, but we were trying to save something that just couldn't be saved.
And I have to follow my shaman's advice.
I have to be true to myself for once.
And Marky, he sees me for who I really am.
- He respects me and...
- Come on, lady!
You want to wrap this up?
My lady needs to call her loser ex.
Marky, it's me. it's Lindsay.
Oh!
I thought you were taking a dump.
I must have scared the (BLEEP) off that lady in the bathroom when I threw the door open and told her I loved her.
He loves me?
Sorry. 
False alarm.
- I don't love you.
- I got to go.
Can you delete this so I can leave a message for Maeby?
It's good. 
She's fine.
And soon, the lovers arrived and discovered the joys of their new desert home, dancing and making love all night.
Now, that time was also very quick.
And now we've freed the night up to dance again.
- Come on.
- Okay.
And the next day, Lindsay awoke to discover the destiny foretold to her in India in drab colors before her.
Get away from her.
Don't mess with her!
She's none of your business.
Thank you.
I said get away from her, you slut!
You're scaring the bird.
No, no, Mom.
Mom, she's with us. 
She lives with us now.
And, Mom, she tells me she's pretty.
I have the worst (BLEEP) shaman.
The defense calls to the oyster bar thing where they sit the adopted daughter, Lindsay Bluth.
Another chair is empty at Lucille's trial.
Lindsay...
Mr. Zuckerkorn,
Shrimp-Shooter Night starts in 15 minutes.
Is your witness going to appear?
"Appear."
Oh, I thought the one on the pier was a Bubba Gump's.
And, in an effort to be less glamorous, Lindsay cuts her hair, only to discover, much to her frustration...
Great. 
Even cuter.
And Tobias becomes addicted to his new profession.
I'm an addict, and I'm starving.
Yes, you are starving, so would you like some butter?
I could give you some butter, and you can pay for it with a shoe.
Um, I'm sorry, but his guy's not giving my guy anything to react to.
Could I get some more of that acting juice?

On the top of a hillside, deep in the mountains of Shuturmurg, India, sits a mystical retreat long sought out
- by those seeking answers...
- Is this real?
to the questions that define us.
I mean, is any of this real?
How do I know what's real?
This is Lindsay Bluth-Fünke.
You got anything to say?
I'm real sorry. 
I am.
You got anything to say?
I'm real sorry. 
I am.
Hope you all know that.
I'm real sorry. 
I am.
Hope you all know that.
Well, you'll have plenty of hope you all know that.
Well, you'll have plenty of time to think on it, as you walk well, you'll have plenty of time to think on it, as you walk these woods forever, shunned time to think on it, as you walk these woods forever, shunned like those whose deaths you
these woods forever, shunned like those whose deaths you caused!
Like those whose deaths you caused!
I know...
Caused!
I know...
And accept it.
Grandpa...
I got to go.
Now, someone might not come to
I got to go.
Now, someone might not come to check on you for a couple days, now, someone might not come to check on you for a couple days, till they figure out what's check on you for a couple days, till they figure out what's going on.
[Voice breaking] I love you.
Dawai?
Dawai -- no!
Dawai -- no!
Shh! 
Shh-shh-shh!
No!
Shh! 
Shh-shh-shh!
We're leaving now.
Shh! 
Shh-shh-shh!
We're leaving now.
We got to hurry.
We're leaving now.
We got to hurry.
What? 
No.
We got to hurry.
What? 
No.
You want to die?
What? 
No.
You want to die?
It doesn't matter.
You want to die?
It doesn't matter.
It's all right.
It doesn't matter.
It's all right.
This will make it stop.
It's all right.
This will make it stop.
And then you and your baby will this will make it stop.
And then you and your baby will be safe, then.
And then you and your baby will be safe, then.
I ain't gonna have your blood be safe, then.
I ain't gonna have your blood on my hands, too.
I ain't gonna have your blood on my hands, too.
You got any 'shine left?
On my hands, too.
You got any 'shine left?
Uh...
Yeah, I got a couple you got any 'shine left?
Uh...
Yeah, I got a couple jugs.
Uh...
Yeah, I got a couple jugs.
Get something to put those jugs.
Get something to put those in.
Get something to put those in.
Why we need these?
In.
Why we need these?
For money, unless you got why we need these?
For money, unless you got some stashed around here nobody for money, unless you got some stashed around here nobody knows about.
Some stashed around here nobody knows about.
No.
[Birds chirping] You think they've noticed?
Probably.
You think they've noticed?
Probably.
[Breathing heavily]
Probably.
[Breathing heavily] What's wrong?
[Breathing heavily] What's wrong?
I just...
Get this bad feeling what's wrong?
I just...
Get this bad feeling in the morning.
I just...
Get this bad feeling in the morning.
Oh, right.
In the morning.
Oh, right.
Hand me that jug face.
Oh, right.
Hand me that jug face.
Well...
Hand me that jug face.
Well...
Dawai, give it here.
Well...
Dawai, give it here.
Nothing's gonna take my baby.
[Jug clatters] [Vehicle approaching] Oh, make him stop.
[Vehicle approaching] Oh, make him stop.
Make him stop, dawai!
Hello.
We need a ride into town?
[Country music plays on radio]
We need a ride into town?
[Country music plays on radio] [Bell jingles]
Can I help y'all?
We need to speak to your pa.
Yeah, sure -- one second.
We need to speak to your pa.
Yeah, sure -- one second.
[Door opens]
Yeah, sure -- one second.
[Door opens] Can I help you?
[Door opens] Can I help you?
We got something for you.
Can I help you?
We got something for you.
d ...
With a smile d
We got you some more 'shine.
Y'all ain't supposed to be here till next month.
Y'all ain't supposed to be here till next month.
Yeah, but this is special.
Here till next month.
Yeah, but this is special.
Look. 
Show him.
Yeah, but this is special.
Look. 
Show him.
[Sniffs]
Look. 
Show him.
[Sniffs] Smells the same.
[Sniffs] Smells the same.
It's real strong!
Smells the same.
It's real strong!
Head peeler!
It's real strong!
Head peeler!
I don't think so.
Head peeler!
I don't think so.
Look.
I don't think so.
Look.
I think we're gonna need to look.
I think we're gonna need to stick to our original agreement,
I think we're gonna need to stick to our original agreement, all right?
Stick to our original agreement, all right?
I'm gonna have to pass on this, all right?
I'm gonna have to pass on this, okay?
I'm gonna have to pass on this, okay?
No, wait!
Okay?
No, wait!
Look. 
I'm real sick.
No, wait!
Look. 
I'm real sick.
We need the money so I can see a look. 
I'm real sick.
We need the money so I can see a doctor.
We need the money so I can see a doctor.
My pa, he don't believe in them.
Doctor.
My pa, he don't believe in them.
I'm scared.
My pa, he don't believe in them.
I'm scared.
Please!
I'm scared.
Please!
All right.
Please!
All right.
Oh, thank you, thank you!
All right.
Oh, thank you, thank you!
Y'all wait right here, and oh, thank you, thank you!
Y'all wait right here, and I'll get you some money, okay?
Y'all wait right here, and I'll get you some money, okay?
Y'all thirsty?
I'll get you some money, okay?
Y'all thirsty?
You want something to drink?
Y'all thirsty?
You want something to drink?
Yeah, that'd be good, thank you want something to drink?
Yeah, that'd be good, thank you.
[Door opens, closes] Here you go.
Thank you.
Here you go.
Thank you.
He sure is out.
Thank you.
He sure is out.
He's been through a lot.
He sure is out.
He's been through a lot.
If there's anything else you he's been through a lot.
If there's anything else you need, let me know.
I don't mean to pry, but my dad said you need a doctor.
I know where there's an ob/gyn.
Said you need a doctor.
I know where there's an ob/gyn.
Hmm?
I know where there's an ob/gyn.
Hmm?
A baby doctor.
Hmm?
A baby doctor.
I saw you with the pregnancy a baby doctor.
I saw you with the pregnancy tests the other day.
I saw you with the pregnancy tests the other day.
No, no, no, I'm not.
Tests the other day.
No, no, no, I'm not.
Oh.
No, no, no, I'm not.
Oh.
I'm sorry. 
I just assumed.
Oh.
I'm sorry. 
I just assumed.
Aah!
I'm sorry. 
I just assumed.
Aah!
You okay?
[High-pitched screeching] [Gasps] Aah!
[Gasps] Aah!
Help me!
Aah!
Help me!
What?
Help me!
What?
I don't know.
What?
I don't know.
I think she's having a seizure.
She needs a doctor.
No doctors.
No, no, I'm fine.
No doctors.
No, no, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
No, no, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
[Moans]
I'm fine.
[Moans] Please don't tell your pa.
[Moans] Please don't tell your pa.
You need help.
Please don't tell your pa.
You need help.
The people where we're you need help.
The people where we're from -- they want to hurt us.
The people where we're from -- they want to hurt us.
She's telling you the truth.
From -- they want to hurt us.
She's telling you the truth.
I'll make sure you get your she's telling you the truth.
I'll make sure you get your money, then.
I'll make sure you get your money, then.
[Panting]
What'd it show you?
It took pyer.
Then, you do see through its it took pyer.
Then, you do see through its eyes.
It's punishing me.
Who was that?
How they doing back there?
Who was that?
How they doing back there?
We have to help them.
How they doing back there?
We have to help them.
You can't get in the middle we have to help them.
You can't get in the middle of these people.
You can't get in the middle of these people.
There's some weird shit going on of these people.
There's some weird shit going on in the woods out there, and we there's some weird shit going on in the woods out there, and we don't want any part of it.
In the woods out there, and we don't want any part of it.
You understand?
Just rest yourself.
It ain't no good for you to be wound up like you are.
It ain't no good for you to be wound up like you are.
This is taking too long.
Wound up like you are.
This is taking too long.
Well, they said they'd bring this is taking too long.
Well, they said they'd bring the money.
Well, they said they'd bring the money.
Let's go.
The money.
Let's go.
We'll try somewhere else.
Let's go.
We'll try somewhere else.
Get up! 
Come on!
Okay.
That's what I figured.
I needed to be calling you.
That's what I figured.
I needed to be calling you.
Those two came in here.
I needed to be calling you.
Those two came in here.
They tried to sell some of your those two came in here.
They tried to sell some of your moonshine.
They tried to sell some of your moonshine.
Oh, shit!
Moonshine.
Oh, shit!
What?
Oh, shit!
What?
Pa's here!
What?
Pa's here!
Ada?
Pa's here!
Ada?
Ada?
!
Ada?
Ada?
!
Keep your voice down!
Ada?
!
Keep your voice down!
Ada!
[Truck door closes]
How dare you?
!
Aah!
You think you can just turn aah!
You think you can just turn your back on us?
!
You think you can just turn your back on us?
!
They don't care about you out your back on us?
!
They don't care about you out there!
They don't care about you out there!
We're all you got!
There!
We're all you got!
And I know what you've been we're all you got!
And I know what you've been doing now.
And I know what you've been doing now.
It's plain as day!
Doing now.
It's plain as day!
There ain't nothing going on it's plain as day!
There ain't nothing going on between us!
There ain't nothing going on between us!
I told you!
Between us!
I told you!
Oh, he's good enough for you
I told you!
Oh, he's good enough for you to run off with?
Oh, he's good enough for you to run off with?
Then, he's good enough to get in to run off with?
Then, he's good enough to get in your pussy!
This is for bodey.
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
And this is for ellen.
Aah!
And this is for ellen.
[Groans]
And this is for ellen.
[Groans] And this is for my wife.
[Groans] And this is for my wife.
[Yells]
I'll do her.
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
[Screaming]
Got to start listening, ada.
Back before, they'd have killed you for less than this.
Back before, they'd have killed you for less than this.
Your pa, he's gonna work this you for less than this.
Your pa, he's gonna work this out, though -- what needs to be your pa, he's gonna work this out, though -- what needs to be done for the best of all of us.
Out, though -- what needs to be done for the best of all of us.
[Sobbing]
Done for the best of all of us.
[Sobbing] What's that mean?
[Sobbing] What's that mean?
I'll let him explain.
What's that mean?
I'll let him explain.
[Screams, sobs]
I'll let him explain.
[Screams, sobs] What is wrong with you?
I'm pregnant.
It ain't much of nothing.
She was only two months in.
Well, I shouldn't have beaten she was only two months in.
Well, I shouldn't have beaten her like I did.
Well, I shouldn't have beaten her like I did.
You did what was right.
Her like I did.
You did what was right.
And we don't need another dawai you did what was right.
And we don't need another dawai walking around, no way.
And we don't need another dawai walking around, no way.
You sure it's him?
Walking around, no way.
You sure it's him?
Well, whose else would it be?
How you doing?
[Sighs] Why didn't you tell us?
[Sighs] Why didn't you tell us?
I wouldn't have put you up there why didn't you tell us?
I wouldn't have put you up there and whupped you like that.
I wouldn't have put you up there and whupped you like that.
I couldn't.
And whupped you like that.
I couldn't.
She's ashamed, like she
I couldn't.
She's ashamed, like she should be.
She's ashamed, like she should be.
I can't believe anyone would lie should be.
I can't believe anyone would lie with a fool like that.
I can't believe anyone would lie with a fool like that.
It's not dawai's.
With a fool like that.
It's not dawai's.
Then, whose is it?
It's not dawai's.
Then, whose is it?
It's jessaby's.
Then, whose is it?
It's jessaby's.
What'd you say?
It's jessaby's.
What'd you say?
Why else do you think we took what'd you say?
Why else do you think we took all them walks together?
Why else do you think we took all them walks together?
Hey! 
Stop!
All them walks together?
Hey! 
Stop!
Loriss!
Hey! 
Stop!
Loriss!
Is what you say true?
Loriss!
Is what you say true?
Don't you lie to your pa!
Is what you say true?
Don't you lie to your pa!
I loved him.
Don't you lie to your pa!
I loved him.
Ugh!
I loved him.
Ugh!
Get her out of here!
Ugh!
Get her out of here!
Ugh!
Get her out of here!
Ugh!
Shit!
Ugh!
Shit!
You tell corber we'll pay him shit!
You tell corber we'll pay him whatever he wants.
You tell corber we'll pay him whatever he wants.
Oh!
Whatever he wants.
Oh!
[Crying]
Oh!
[Crying] Oh, that's right.
[Crying] Oh, that's right.
We'd already arranged for you to oh, that's right.
We'd already arranged for you to be joined with him.
We'd already arranged for you to be joined with him.
But he probably won't even want be joined with him.
But he probably won't even want your sorry ass now!
But he probably won't even want your sorry ass now!
[Sobbing]
Your sorry ass now!
[Sobbing] Ah!
[Sobbing] Ah!
[Growls]
Ah!
[Growls] You don't make a squeak!
[Growls] You don't make a squeak!
[Door slams]
You don't make a squeak!
[Door slams] [Panting]
[Groans] Maybe we shouldn't even tell corber.
Maybe we shouldn't even tell corber.
He'll just say she's ruined, corber.
He'll just say she's ruined, anyway.
He'll just say she's ruined, anyway.
I can't believe she'd do this.
Anyway.
I can't believe she'd do this.
I can't --
I can't believe she'd do this.
I can't -- woman, will you shut your
I can't -- woman, will you shut your mouth and let me think?
!
Woman, will you shut your mouth and let me think?
!
[Both sigh]
Where you going?
!
To the pit.
[Birds chirping]
Grandpa?
Where is he?
I need to speak to the shunned where is he?
I need to speak to the shunned boy right now.
I need to speak to the shunned boy right now.
You were right!
Boy right now.
You were right!
Is that what you want to hear?
You were right!
Is that what you want to hear?
[Chirping intensifies]
Is that what you want to hear?
[Chirping intensifies] How do I stop it?
[Chirping intensifies] How do I stop it?
You know.
How do I stop it?
You know.
Isn't there some other way?
You know.
Isn't there some other way?
It's not of this world.
Isn't there some other way?
It's not of this world.
Come on and do it.
It's not of this world.
Come on and do it.
I'm sitting right here.
Come on and do it.
I'm sitting right here.
What you waiting for, you old
I'm sitting right here.
What you waiting for, you old pit?
What you waiting for, you old pit?
I'm sitting right here.
Pit?
I'm sitting right here.
I ain't scared of you.
I'm sitting right here.
I ain't scared of you.
I used to be scared of you.
I ain't scared of you.
I used to be scared of you.
Everybody's so scared of you.
I used to be scared of you.
Everybody's so scared of you.
I ain't scared of you no more.
Everybody's so scared of you.
I ain't scared of you no more.
So, come on.
I ain't scared of you no more.
So, come on.
Dawai, did you do it?
!
So, come on.
Dawai, did you do it?
!
What?
Dawai, did you do it?
!
What?
You been fucking my daughter?
What?
You been fucking my daughter?
No!
You been fucking my daughter?
No!
No, I ain't never...
Touched her.
No!
No, I ain't never...
Touched her.
I ain't never done it with no, I ain't never...
Touched her.
I ain't never done it with nobody.
I ain't never done it with nobody.
I swear.
Nobody.
I swear.
Did you know she was
I swear.
Did you know she was pregnant?
Did you know she was pregnant?
Was?
Pregnant?
Was?
You mean, she ain't no more?
Was?
You mean, she ain't no more?
You are no longer with child.
You mean, she ain't no more?
You are no longer with child.
Why do you resist?
You are no longer with child.
Why do you resist?
I don't know.
Why do you resist?
I don't know.
[Pit chirping]
I don't know.
[Pit chirping] What?
[Pit chirping] What?
It's awake.
What?
It's awake.
Well, who do you think it it's awake.
Well, who do you think it was?
Well, who do you think it was?
[Screams]
Was?
[Screams] [Jug face clatters]
[Screams] [Jug face clatters] Aah!
[Jug face clatters] Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
[Pit screeches]
[Horn blows] [Birds chirping]
Why are you still alive?
Where's sustin?
It took him.
Where's sustin?
It took him.
I don't know why, but it did.
No!
This whole thing is 'cause of you!
This whole thing is 'cause of you!
I-I'd trade places with him you!
I-I'd trade places with him if I could.
I-I'd trade places with him if I could.
You are so dead.
If I could.
You are so dead.
Stop it! 
It's not his fault!
You are so dead.
Stop it! 
It's not his fault!
It's because of me.
Stop it! 
It's not his fault!
It's because of me.
It was my jug face.
It's because of me.
It was my jug face.
I hid it.
It was my jug face.
I hid it.
What?
I hid it.
What?
I found the jug face that what?
I found the jug face that dawai made a few days ago...
I found the jug face that dawai made a few days ago...
And it was mine.
Dawai made a few days ago...
And it was mine.
I got scared, so I buried it in and it was mine.
I got scared, so I buried it in the woods.
I got scared, so I buried it in the woods.
The one he couldn't find?
The woods.
The one he couldn't find?
I'll take you to it.
Give it to him.
Aah!
Aah!
You selfish, little bitch.
Aah!
You selfish, little bitch.
Look what all you done.
You selfish, little bitch.
Look what all you done.
You almost ruined us, 'cause of look what all you done.
You almost ruined us, 'cause of what?
You almost ruined us, 'cause of what?
'Cause of your dirty, little what?
'Cause of your dirty, little secret?
'Cause of your dirty, little secret?
Tomorrow, you're gonna make this secret?
Tomorrow, you're gonna make this right in front of everyone!
Tie her with dawai.
What about our agreement?
The pit wants what it wants.
[Pit rumbling]
[Birds chirping]
[Grunts] I'm sorry.
I'd have tried to save my baby, too.
It ain't quite fair, is it?
[Sighs] I reckon they'll do me in after.
Probably.
I reckon they'll do me in after.
Probably.
I don't care.
Probably.
I don't care.
Tired of them, anyway.
Sleep tight.
[Birds chirping]
[Insects chirping]
[Chirping intensifies] What are you doing?
Coops wants you to go.
What are you doing?
Coops wants you to go.
Wait.
Coops wants you to go.
Wait.
Leave while you can.
Wait.
Leave while you can.
What about dawai?
Leave while you can.
What about dawai?
He must stay.
What about dawai?
He must stay.
They'll kill him.
He must stay.
They'll kill him.
Go.
They'll kill him.
Go.
Ada, please, just go!
Go.
Ada, please, just go!
If I give myself, will dawai ada, please, just go!
If I give myself, will dawai be spared?
If I give myself, will dawai be spared?
Yes.
Be spared?
Yes.
I'm staying, then.
Yes.
I'm staying, then.
No, you ain't!
I'm staying, then.
No, you ain't!
You ain't staying.
No, you ain't!
You ain't staying.
Go.
You ain't staying.
Go.
Ada, go.
Go.
Ada, go.
Hey, where you all going?
Ada, go.
Hey, where you all going?
Come back here.
Hey, where you all going?
Come back here.
Take her.
Come back here.
Take her.
Hey!
Take her.
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Come back here!
Ada, I want you to go.
I want you to go somewhere, and you live a life.
I want you to go somewhere, and you live a life.
You can do anything.
You live a life.
You can do anything.
You can go to town.
You can do anything.
You can go to town.
I am doing this for you.
You can go to town.
I am doing this for you.
I don't want you to do this
I am doing this for you.
I don't want you to do this for me.
I don't want you to do this for me.
It's what I should have done for me.
It's what I should have done in the first place.
It's what I should have done in the first place.
[Insects chirping]
[Mumbles] I can't bear it.
I love you.
[Sighs]
[Birds chirping]
Who let her go?
She ain't going anywhere.
Are you ready to give yourself she ain't going anywhere.
Are you ready to give yourself to the pit, once and for all?
Yes.
The pit gives, and the pit takes away.
It is an honor to go be with it, takes away.
It is an honor to go be with it, away from this earthly plane.
It is an honor to go be with it, away from this earthly plane.
I hope you are satisfied with away from this earthly plane.
I hope you are satisfied with our sacrifice.
I hope you are satisfied with our sacrifice.
We understand that the pit wants our sacrifice.
We understand that the pit wants what it wants.
We understand that the pit wants what it wants.
If you have got anything to say, what it wants.
If you have got anything to say, let it be known.
If you have got anything to say, let it be known.
[Crying] I just want to say let it be known.
[Crying] I just want to say I'm sorry!
[Crying] I just want to say I'm sorry!
I'm sorry for those who died
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry for those who died 'cause of what I done.
I'm sorry for those who died 'cause of what I done.
And I'm sorry to those left 'cause of what I done.
And I'm sorry to those left behind.
[Gurgles]
[Birds chirping]
[Up-tempo country music plays] d Hey, baby, what's going on?
d got a sneaking suspicion what's going on?
d got a sneaking suspicion that something is wrong d d got a sneaking suspicion that something is wrong d d got a whole lot of time that something is wrong d d got a whole lot of time to kill d
d got a whole lot of time to kill d d and I know to kill d d and I know you've got some secrets d and I know you've got some secrets you've been wanting to spill d
You've got some secrets you've been wanting to spill d d well, I lie awake, you've been wanting to spill d d well, I lie awake, and I'm thinking through, d well, I lie awake, and I'm thinking through, and I knew long ago
and I'm thinking through, and I knew long ago that I'd stick with you d
And I knew long ago that I'd stick with you d d I know that I'd stick with you d d I know I'm not your only fool, d I know I'm not your only fool, 'cause I vowed long ago
I'm not your only fool, 'cause I vowed long ago that I'm sticking with you d d heard some discussions that are bringing me down d d and I know from the gossip that are bringing me down d d and I know from the gossip it's all over town d
d and I know from the gossip it's all over town d d not in my nature it's all over town d d not in my nature to walk out and quit d d not in my nature to walk out and quit d d might look okay,
to walk out and quit d d might look okay, but I'm feeling like shit d d might look okay, but I'm feeling like shit d d well, I lie awake, but I'm feeling like shit d d well, I lie awake, and I'm thinking through,
d well, I lie awake, and I'm thinking through, and I vowed long ago and I'm thinking through, and I vowed long ago that I'd stick with you d
And I vowed long ago that I'd stick with you d d I know that I'd stick with you d d I know I'm not your only fool d d I know I'm not your only fool d d decided long ago
I'm not your only fool d d decided long ago that I'm sticking with you d d well, I laid awake and thinking through d d every night I'm up and thinking through d d every night I'm up and feeling blue d
d every night I'm up and feeling blue d d well, I know and feeling blue d d well, I know I'm not your only fool d d well, I know I'm not your only fool d d but I vowed long ago
I'm not your only fool d d but I vowed long ago that I'm sticking with you d d but I vowed long ago that I'm sticking with you d d 'cause I vowed long ago that I'm sticking with you d d 'cause I vowed long ago that I'm sticking with you d
d 'cause I vowed long ago that I'm sticking with you d d I knew long ago that I'm sticking with you d d I knew long ago that I'm sticking with you d d I knew long ago that I'm sticking with you d d and I vowed long ago
that I'm sticking with you d d and I vowed long ago that I'd stick with you d d and I vowed long ago that I'd stick with you d d long ago that I'd stick with you d d long ago I learned I'm sick of you d

ADA?
[ADA RUNNING]
COME ON!
[ CHUCKLES 1
COME OVER HERE!
[GROANS1 
COMEHERE.
GETOFFME !
WHY?
'CAUSEI SAID!
AIN'TANYBODYELSEGONNASEE. 
TSK!
NOTHERE!
BUTI 'MALREADYHARD.
[SIGHS]
COMEON!
NO!
I SAIDNO !
[ GROANS 1
FINE.
[PANTING]
WHY IS YOUR SKIN SO HOT, ANYWAY?
BETTERGOFINISHUPTHE
STILL.
WAIT.
IAIN'TGOTTIMEFORGAMES .
BACKTHERE,THEN.
YOUSURE?
YEAH.
COME ON.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[ CLATTERING 1
[WHEEL RUMBLING]
[ MOANS 1
[ FIRE CRACKLING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
I SWEAR YOUR SKIN FEELS
DIFFERENT.
REALLY?
WELL, IT AIN'T.
[ CHUCKLES 1
JUST DROP IT ALREADY.
[ Slsl-ls 1
[ BIRDS CHIRPING, DOG BARKING]
ADA?
YOU COME HERE.
NOW, BODEY GOT SOMETHING TO TELL
YOU.
WE'REGONNABE JOINED.
WELL...
WHEN?
NEXTFULLMOON,IT'LLHAPPEN.
IFSHE'SBEENTRUE.
GOTTHEPAPERS?
[CHIRPING CONTINUES]
MAYI GOTO THEPIT ?
I'D LIKE TO PRAY ON THIS.
BESTGOWITHHER .
I-I'LLGOLATER.
TELLEVERYONETO COMEONFOR
DINNER AFTER YOU'VE FINISHED.
[BREATHINGHEAVILY]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[CHIRPING INTENSIFIES]
[ GASPS 1
DAWAI?
WHAT?
!
SHIT FIRE!
WHATYOUDOING?
AAH.
NOTHING.
[ BREATHING HEAVILY]
[ CHUCKLES 1
OH...
THE CANDLES NEED LIGHTING.
YOU'RESUPPOSEDTO COMEON
FOR DINNER.
OH,ISSOMETHING-
-SOMETHING
GOOD HAPPENING?
BODEYASKEDPA FORUSTOBE 
JOINED.
AAH!
WELL, THAT'S -
- THAT IS GOOD
NEWS.
BOD EY?
HE'LL DO RIGHT BY YOU.
WANT TO LISTEN TO SOME MUSIC?
I'LL PLAY YOU YOUR FAVORITE.
CANT.
GOT TO TELL EVERYONE BEFORE IT
GETS LATE.
TOMORROW?
YEAH,TOMORROW,THEN.
SO,YOU'LLCOMEFOR DINNER?
IDON'TKNOW.
l-l GOT...
I GOT THINGS NEED TENDING TO.
SO...
IHOPEYOUDO. 
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[ CRANK SQUEAKING ]
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS]
[SIGHS]
YOUGETTO EVERYONE?
YEP.
ANYONESAYTHEYAIN 'TCOMING?
DAWAI'STHEONLYONE THAT
SEEMED TO BE ON THE FENCE.
[SCOFFS1
FIGURES.
YOU AIN'T SPENDING NO MORE TIME
DOWN THERE, ANYWAY.
I'LLDOWHATIWANT .
YOUWILLDO WHATBODEYTELLS
YOU TO!
NOW, THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
YOU BEST GET USED TO IT!
WHATEVER.
YOUGOTSOMETHINGYOU WANTTO
SAY?
OH,I 'MJUSTALLUPINKNOTS 
IS IT.
OH.
YOU'RE DRIPPING, THEN?
COME A LITTLE LATE, THOUGH,
AIN'T IT?
LET ME SEE.
WHY?
IT'SGROSS.
COMEON,ADA!
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
YOUGOTTHAT'SHINEREADY?
WHAT'SGOINGON ?
WEGOTPEOPLECOMINGOVER .
BODEY ASKED TO BE JOINED TO YOUR
SISTER.
ABOUTTIME.
[CLEARSTHROAT]
I WANT TO, UH...
I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FOR
COMING.
TODAY I GIVE AWAY MY ONLY
DAUGHTER TO BE JOINED TO
BODEY JENKIN...
TO CONTINUE IN THE WAYS THAT WE
HOLD SACRED.
AND I THANK THE PIT WITH ALL MY
HEART FOR MAKING IT SO.
I RAISE THIS JUG OF 'SHINE FOR
ALL TO TASTE WHO BELIEVE.
[ nos BARKS]
I'DLIKETO SAYSOMETHING.
BODEY, YOU'RE GETTING A GOOD
ONE.
I CAN TELL YOU THAT.
[ INSECTS CHIRPING]
WISH YOU ALL THE BEST.
EATUP,ALL.
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS]
[ LAUGHTER 1
[ LAUGHTER 1
NO!
DOYOUNEEDANY HELP?
JUSTTHISLITTLEREDHEADED
ONE.
HE'S A BITER!
NO BITING!
NO BITING!
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ]
DON'T BITE!
THERE WE GO.
THEY'RE MEANER THAN THEY LOOK.
YEAH,I 'LLBET.
[ LAUGHS]
Shit.
SHIT?
WELL, JESSABY, YOU MUST BE REAL
HAPPY.
SHUTTHEFUCKUP, YOU RETARD.
JESSABY!
IWANTTO TALKTOMYSIS
ALONE.
ALLRIGHT.
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS IN
BACKGROUND]
DON'T.
DON'TWHAT?
YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
IKNOW.
THEY'REGONNATESTYOU ,AND 
YOU BETTER BLAME IT ON SOMEBODY
ELSE.
I DON'T CARE WHO.
I AIN'T LETTING BODEY TAKE AFTER
PA 'CAUSE OF THIS, YOU HEAR?
WE'LLTALKABOUTITLATER.
NO,WEWON'T.
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
[ INSECTS CHIRPING]
YOUANDSUSTIN'SALL HAPPY
NOW, BUT IF SHE'D BEEN FOOLING
AROUND, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY
TSK.
WELL, DON'T YOU WORRY YOUR
PRE I I Y, LITTLE HEAD ABOUT IT.
SHE WAS DRIPPING TODAY.
JUSTMEANSSHEAIN 'TBEEN
CAUGHT.
SHE'LLPASS.
NOW LEAVE IT ALONE.
WASYOURBROTHERSAD ?
ABOUTWHAT?
HE'LLBEASKINGSOMEONETO
JOIN HIM SOON, WON'T HE?
WANTMETO MENTIONYOU TO
HIM?
COULDYOU?
TAKEYOURGRANDPAAPLATE.
IT'SCOLD.
YEAH,WELL,IT 'LLHAVETODO.
IT'SNASTY,THOUGH.
HEWON'TCOMPLAIN.
WHAT WAS YOUR BROTHER ALL TORE
UP ABOUT EARLIER?
HE'SJUSTBEINGHIS ASS SELF,
AS USUAL.
HEDON'TCAREFOR BODEY?
HE- 
-HEJUSTDON 'TWANTHIM
HORNING IN ON THINGS IS ALL.
LIKEWHAT?
IDON'TKNOW.
HE WASN'T MAKING MUCH SENSE.
HUH.
[ INSECTS CHIRPING,
DOG BARKING]
GRANDPA?
I GOT YOU SOME FOOD.
GRANDPA?
HUH?
YOU'VEBEENSLEEPING?
[Strained]MM-HMM.
YEAH.
ARE YOU HUNGRY?
MM-HMM.
ITHOUGHTSO .
LET'S GET YOU SOME AIR.
EITHER YOU'RE GETTING FAT, OR
I'M GETTING WEAKER.
[CHUCKLES]
WEHADEVERYONEOVERTO
DINNER TONIGHT.
[CHIRPING CONTINUES]
BODEY AND I ARE GONNA BE JOINED.
I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING
ALREADY.
NOT LIKE THERE'S ANYBODY ELSE
COULD HAVE ASKED.
I KNOW WHO THE NEXT JUG FACE IS.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
IT'S ME.
IT'S MINE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I TOLD
YOU.
NOT LIKE YOU CAN HELP.
[ DOOR CREAKS 1
[ INSECTS CHIRPING]
HEREWEGO .
[ CHUCKLES 1
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
HASANYONEEVERSAIDNO?
ABOUTWHAT?
BEING JOINED?
IS THAT WHY YOU'RE SO QUIET?
IT'S A WOMAN'S JOB TO HAVE
BABIES.
YOU GOT TO BE JOINED TO DO THAT.
ISTHATALLI'M GOODFOR? 
IT'SANAMAZINGTHING,
BEARING BABIES -
- SOMETHING NO
MAN WILL EVER GET TO DO.
ONCE BODEY GIVES YOU A LITTLE
ONE, YOU'LL BE BESIDE YOURSELF.
YOU'LL SEE.
WHATIFICAN 'T?
OH...
PIT WILL MAKE IT RIGHT.
IT ALWAYS DOES.
HASTHEPITEVERTAKENA
BABY?
YEAH,SUREHAS.
GONNA CHECK ON THAT POSSUM.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW DON'T SPEAK TO NOBODY.
JUST GET WHAT YOU NEED, AND
THAT'S IT, RIGHT?
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
MORNING,SUSTIN.
WHAT YOU GOT?
IGOTHALFPEACH,HALF APPLE.
THEY'REBOTHHOTSELLERS
RIGHT NOW, I'M TELLING YOU.
[CANS CLANG]
CAN'T HELP YOU WITH THAT POSSUM,
THOUGH.
THATAIN'TFORSALE.
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS]
INOT MY BROTHER'S, ANY OTHERSJ'
IYOU R H EARTJ'
J"I BROKEmJ'
ALLRIGHT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING IN.
YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY.
[ DOOR BEEPS]
ITAKING LICKS AND KARATE KICKS
TO EVERY INCH OF MY FACEJ'
IBUT I'D DO IT ALL AGAIN
TO GET MY WAYJ'
J"I TELL MYSELF EACH DAY
THAT IT WAS WORTH ITJ'
ILATELY, I'VE HEARD
SOME REAL DISTURBING NEWSJ'
YOUFINDINGEVERYTHINGALL 
RIGHT?
YEAH.
J'...
TALKOFTHISMEAN,OLD
TOWNJ'
LETMEKNOWIFYOUNEEDANY
HELP.
J'YOU'VEBEENGETTING
ARO-O-UNDJ'
J"DON'T PLAY ME, SWEET BABYJ'
IOH, BABYJ'
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
DOANYGOOD?
PACKOFTHREE.
MAKETHEMLAST.
[SIGHS]
[ URINATING 1
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
DON'TFORGETTHELAUNDRY.
IKNOW!
MUSTBENICE...
TO KNOW WHO YOU'LL BE WITH,
FINALLY.
OH,RIGHT.
ALLTHATHE TALKSABOUTIS
YOU NOW.
ISTHATSO ?
HOWMANYKIDSYOU THINK
YOU'LL HAVE?
MAMA SAYS WE NEED FIVE OR SIX TO
KEEP THINGS GOING REAL GOOD.
WE'LLHAVEAS MANYASTHEPIT
WANTS, I RECKON.
[SIGHS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
[GASPS1
IT'SAWAKE.
AAH!
AAH! 
AAH!
AAH!
ADA?
Eilen.
Run.
[WATER GURGLING]
EILEN!
OH, GOD!
[ PANTING 1
EILEN?
! 
WHERE'S EILEN?
!
WHERE IS SHE?
!
EILEN?
!
[CRYING]
EILEN?
!
OH! 
NO!
[RETCHING]
[No SOUND]
[HORN BLOWS]
DAWAISAIDNOTHING?
NOTTOME .
HEY...
YOU'RE DOWN THERE ALL THE TIME.
YOU SEEN HIM MAKING ONE?
NO.
JUST HIS NORMAL STUFF.
IAIN'TMAKENOJUGFACE. 
I SWEAR.
THEPITAIN'TSPOKENTOYOU
AT ALL?
NO.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
HAVEALLTHEFAMILIESMEET AT
THE HOUSE AT DARK.
[CRYING1 
I'MSUREYOUALL NOW KNOW
THAT EILEN JENKIN WAS -
- WAS
TAKEN TODAY.
WHERE'STHEJUGFACE?
DAWAI,DOYOUSWEARTHAT THE
PIT DID NOT GUIDE YOUR HAND TO
MAKE A NEW JUG FACE?
[CLEARSTHROAT]
WELL, WHEN IT DOES, I DON'T KNOW
THAT IT DID OR NOT.
I JUST WAKE UP FEELING FUNNY.
AND I DID FEEL FUNNY YESTERDAY.
BUT I DIDN'T FIRE NOTHING.
ALLRIGHT,NOW
-NOWDAWAI 
IS GONNA SEARCH HIS PLACE AGAIN,
AND IF HE DOES NOT FIND A
JUG FACE, WELL, THEN, WE WAIT.
WE WAIT UNTIL THE PIT GUIDES ITS
HAND TO MAKE ANOTHER.
MYDAUGHTER'SGONNAROAM
THESE WOODS, SHUNNED FOREVER.
WHO KNOWS HOW MANY OTHERS WILL
BE TAKEN 'CAUSE OF THIS IDIOT?
BE TAKEN 'CAUSE OF THIS IDIOT?
WHEREAREYOU?
!
[ PANTING 1
[GULPING LOUDLY]
HOOO!
TELL ME WHERE IT IS!
PLEASE! 
I'M BEGGING YOU!
JUST TELL ME WHERE IT IS!
I'M GONNA DO IT.
I'M GONNA DO IT!
I SWEAR I'LL DO IT IF YOU DON'T
TELL ME.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHAT?
IT'SME.
[ INSECTS CHIRPING]
ALLRIGHT!
COMETOCHECKONYOU. 
IWANTTO BE ALONE.
THOUGHTYOUHATED'SHINE.
[SIGHS]
I DO.
YOUFOUNDIT YET?
IT'S GOT TO BE AROUND HERE
SOMEWHERE, RIGHT?
DON'T!
[ RADIO PLAYS IN BACKGROUND]
I MIGHT HAVE LEFT MY KNIFE IN
THERE.
LET ME DO SOMETHING WITH THIS.
WHATISTHAT?
WHAT?
IT'S A...
NEVERNOTICEDIT BEFORE.
IDIDN'T-
- IDIDN'TREALLY
WANT YOU TO SEE THAT.
THOUGHTWESWOREWE'DNEVER
HAVE SECRETS.
YEAH,RIGHT,WE DIDN'T,BUT 
I -
- PLEASE, DON'T!
PLEASE!
WHENDIDYOUMAKETHIS ?
[SIGHS]
COUPLE WEEKS BACK.
I AIN'T TOLD NOBODY 'CAUSE AIN'T
NOBODY GOT A BABY RIGHT NOW.
YOU THINK IT MEANS SOMETHING?
IDON'TREALLYKNOW.
YOUTHINKTHAT'SWHATTHEPIT
WANTS?
THEREAIN'TNO BABY,SOHOW
COULD IT?
RIGHT.
THAT'S...
THAT'S WHAT I COME TO.
MAKES MY HEAD HURT.
[ Slsl-ls 1
[CHIRPING CONTINUES]
IFI WEREYOU,I'D THINKON
IT REAL HARD, AND MAYBE YOU'LL
SEE THE FACE AGAIN THAT IT
SHOWED YOU.
WHATIFAFACEISEE AIN'T 
THE RIGHT ONE?
NEVERBEENWRONGBEFORE,HAVE 
YOU?
[ DOOR OPENS]
COMEINHERE.
[ PEOPLE TALKING ON TELEVISION ]
WHERE YOU BEEN?
IWASOUT,WALKING.
WHERE'S PA?
HE'SOVERAT THEJENKINS'.
I DON'T THINK YOU'D BE TOO
SCARED OUT THERE IN THEM WOODS
YOURSELF.
MUST HAVE BEEN AN AWFUL SIGHT.
ITWAS.
I'M GONNA GO TO BED.
IAIN'TDONEWITHYOU. 
WHAT?
GOINTHEBATHROOM.
NO!
GO.
[SIGHS]
GO!
I WANT TO SEE.
SEEWHAT?
IWANTTO SEEIFYOU'VEBEEN
FOOLING AROUND, BEFORE YOU SHAME
ALL OF US.
NOW DROP YOUR DRAWERS.
I'MFINE.
I SWEAR!
GETTHEMOFFAND SIT YOUR
BUTT DOWN.
GO ON. 
OPEN UP.
OPEN UP.
MM-HMM.
DOYOUWANTMETOBURNYOU?
[WHIMPERS]
ALLRIGHTY.
[SCREAMS]
STOP!
[CRIES]
NOWYOUDO AS ISAY .
I AIN'T KIDDING AROUND HERE!
[WHIMPERS]
FURTHER!
YOU LITTLE SLUT.
NO,I 'MNOT.
I'MNOT .
I SWEAR!
WHOISIT ?
ITAIN'TNOBODY!
I SWEAR!
I SWEAR IT AIN'T NOBODY!
GETONTHEFLOOR!
AAH!
MAMA, PLEASE!
GIVEMEYOURHAND.
PLEASE,NO,NO ,MAMA!
NO-O-O-O!
AAH!
NOWTELLME WHOITIS!
IWASJUSTPLAYINGWITH 
MYSELF.
I SWEAR! 
I SWEAR!
I SWEAR!
I SWEAR ON THE PIT!
I SWEAR ON THE PIT!
I PROMISE! 
I PROMISE!
ITAIN'TDAWAI?
NO!
[ PANTING 1
[CRIES]
WELL,I HOPEYOU'RERIGHT.
I SURELY DO.
CLEAN YOURSELF UP.
[ DOOR CLOSES 1
[CRYING1 
[ KNOCK ON DOOR]
HEY,DARLIN'?
[Crying] WHAT?
COMEON.
ROLLOVER.
[SNIFFLES]
SHE TELL YOU?
SHEDID.
I BELIEVE YOU.
OH, LET ME SEE YOUR HAND.
SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS ALL GONNA BE
OVER, AND YOU'RE GONNA BE ON
YOUR WAY TO A HAPPY LIFE WITH
BOD EY.
WHAT'SWRONGWITHHER ?
NOTHING.
SHE'SFINE.
DON'TWORRY.
YOU'RESAFE.
DON'TEVENTRYTOHOLD THIS 
OVER ME.
THEREISONETHING,THOUGH.
GOTOSLEEP.
I'MPREGNANT.
AND I KNOW IT'S TRUE, 'CAUSE I
GOT ONE OF THEM TESTS FROM TOWN.
[WHEEL RUMBLES]
LETITBE KNOWN.
NO!
HE'S ALL WE GOT!
SUSTIN,PLEASE.
THEPITHASSPOKEN.
IT IS AN HONOR TO BE CHOSEN TO
BE WITH IT IN THIS WORLD -
- YOU
KNOW THAT -
- FOR WITHOUT THE
BLOOD, THE WATERS OF THE PIT
WOULD HEAL NO ONE.
AND SO, WE DO WHAT WE MUST.
BODEY...
GOON,SON.
BODEYJENKIN...
TODAY, YOU WILL PASS FROM THIS
WORLD INTO ITS.
DO YOU GIVE YOURSELF TO IT?
YES.
[ Crying ] MAMA...
[Crying1 IT'SOKAY,BABY.
It's okay.
[CRYING1 
[GAGGING]
GONOWWITHYOURHEARTS
BEATING STRONG AND KNOW THAT OUR
PACT CONTINUES.
[PANTING]
GRANDPA!
HOW LONG YOU BEEN LIKE THIS?
[MUMBLES]
AREYOUFINISHED?
ONE...
TWO...
THREE.
PUT YOUR HAND UP.
WATCH YOUR HEAD.
[GROANS1 
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[SIGHS]
[CHIRPING INTENSIFIES]
[ PANTING 1
NO! 
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
!
DOYOUKNOWWHATIAM? 
YOU'REONEOF THESHUNNED.
THEN,YOUKNOWYOU MUSTSTOP .
IDON'TKNOWWHATYOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT.
NO! 
PLEASE DON'T HURT HIM!
PLEA...
ITISHE WHOHURTME.
HE HID A JUG FACE, SAME AS YOU.
I FORGAVE, BUT...
THEY DID NOT.
THEY WON'T FORGIVE YOU, EITHER.
THEYDIDTHISTOCOOPS?
POISON.
WHOSEJUGFACEWAS IT? 
HISWIFE'S.
WHATIFIDON 'TWANTTODIE,
THOUGH?
I HAVE A BABY INSIDE ME.
YOUMUST.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[ RECORD SCRATCHES]
[ DOOR OPENS]
WHO'STHERE?
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS]
IEVERYBODY WANTS TO MAKE...)
YOUSUREAREDRINKINGALOT 
FOR SOMEONE WHO DON'T HAVE A
TASTE FOR IT.
[SNIFFS1 
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAD AGAINST
IT'S TREATING ME -
- TREATING ME
JUST FINE.
YOU WANT A SIP?
INEEDTO TALKTOYOU. 
BUT YOU AIN'T UP FOR IT, I'M
THINKING.
EVERYTHING'SALLRIGHT.
IT TURNED OUT JUST FINE, DIDN'T
YEAH.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
ADA?
ADA?
!
WHAT'SWRONG?
ISPAINSIDE?
IDON'TKNOW.
CANI SEE?
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
PA, I NEED TO TALK WITH YOU.
IT'LLHAVETO WAIT.
I GOT TO SEE THE CORBER.
I'MSICK.
WHAT?
HOW LONG?
AWEEK,MAYBE.
[ PANTING 1
YOU THINK THE PIT WILL HEAL ME?
IFWEASKIT, ITWILL .
WHATIFIT 'STOOSOON?
THATAIN'THOWITWORKS.
ITCOULDSTILLBEMAD. 
ITAIN'T.
WE GIVE IT A LIFE WHEN IT WANTS
IT, AND IT HEALS US WHEN WE NEED
IT'S BEEN LIKE THAT SINCE WE
FIRST SURVIVED THE POX.
NOW COME ON.
WE'LL BE BACK.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
STRIP DOWN...
ALL THE WAY.
IT'SGONNAWORK,RIGHT?
DON'TBESCARED.
WE GOT TO TRUST IN IT.
SIT DOWN LOW.
GET IT ALL OVER YOU.
WE...
WE COME TO ASK FOR HELP.
MY BOY JESSABY IS SICK, AND WE
ASK THAT YOU HEAL HIM SO HE CAN
SERVE YOU BETTER.
DAWAI!
HELP.
AAH!
ANDWETHANKYOU FOR ALL THE 
YEARS YOU KEPT US WELL, AND WE
PRAY TO BE CHOSEN.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
STAND.
[WATER GURGLING]
ITHINKIFEELIT.
PA!
COMEONUP HERE.
COME ON.
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
NO.
AH!
ADA?
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
YOU OUT HERE?
I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU.
ADA?
[HORN BLOWS]
ADA.
[CRYING1 
HEY.
HUH?
YOUALLRIGHT?
JESSABY'SBEENTAKEN.
IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
LORISS?
!
LORISS?
!
WHAT?
[CRYING1 
WHAT'SHAPPENING?
I HEARD THE...
HORN.
WHOSE BLOOD IS THAT?
ADADIDN'TTELLYOU ?
TELLMEWHAT?
JESSABYWASSICK.
SO, WE WENT TO THE PIT.
NO.
ITAIN'TNEVERDONETHIS 
BEFORE!
THESACRIFICEDIDN'TTAKE?
SOMETHINGAIN'TRIGHT.
THEPITWANTSME...
AND MY BABY.
BABY?
YOUKNOWTHATJUG FACEYOU
GOT IN THERE?
I'M PREGNANT.
[VEHICLE APPROACHES]
THERESHEIS .
DAWAI?
!
WHAT DID YOU DO?
!
PA!
NO!
PA, NO!
STOP HITTING HIM!
PA, STOP IT!
STOP HITTING HIM!
PA, GET OFF HIM!
PLEASE, PLEASE, STOP HITTING
HIM!
[GROANING]
HE'SGONNAPAYFOR THE DEATHS
HE CAUSED!
[ PANTING 1
WHATTHEFUCKDID YOU DO? 
|-.
TELLUS!
ILOSTIT -
- THEJUG FACE.
I LOOKED EVERYWHERE. 
I DID.
AND THEN, WHEN I COULDN'T FIND
IT, UH...
I MADE ANOTHER FROM...
[ PANTING 1 ...THE PERSON I HAD IN MY HEAD.
MOTHERFUCKER.
BOTH MY GIRL AND BOY ARE DEAD
'CAUSE OF YOU!
OH!
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
GETYOURASSUP! 
GET UP!
[ INSECTS CHIRPING]
[GROANS1 
NOW,BECAUSEOF WHATDAWAI
HAS DONE, IT'S ONLY FITTING HE
BE NEXT.
ONCE IT TAKES HIM, HE'LL CHOOSE
THE NEXT POTTER.
YOU GOT ANYTHING TO SAY?
I'MREALSORRY.
IAM . 
HOPE YOU ALL KNOW THAT.
WELL,YOU'LLHAVEPLENTYOF
TIME TO THINK ON IT, AS YOU WALK
THESE WOODS FOREVER, SHUNNED
LIKE THOSE WHOSE DEATHS YOU
CAUSED!
IKNOW...
AND ACCEPT IT.
GRANDPA...
I GOT TO GO.
NOW, SOMEONE MIGHT NOT COME TO
CHECK ON YOU FOR A COUPLE DAYS,
TILL THEY FIGURE OUT WHAT'S
GOING ON.
[Voice breaking] I LOVE YOU.
DAWAI?
DAWAI --
NO!
SHH!
SHH-SHH-SHH!
WE'RE LEAVING NOW.
WE GOT TO HURRY.
WHAT?
NO.
YOUWANTTO DIE?
ITDOESN'TMATTER.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
THIS WILL MAKE IT STOP.
AND THEN YOU AND YOUR BABY WILL
BE SAFE, THEN.
IAIN'TGONNAHAVEYOUR BLOOD
ON MY HANDS, TOO.
YOU GOT ANY 'SHINE LEFT?
UH...
YEAH,I GOTACOUPLE
JUGS.
GETSOMETHINGTO PUTTHOSE
WHYWENEEDTHESE?
FORMONEY,UNLESSYOU GOT 
SOME STASHED AROUND HERE NOBODY
KNOWS ABOUT.
NO.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
YOU THINK THEY'VE NOTICED?
PROBABLY.
[ BREATHING HEAVILY]
WHAT'SWRONG?
IJUST...
GETTHISBAD FEELING
IN THE MORNING.
OH,RIGHT.
HANDMETHATJUG FACE.
WELL...
DAWAI,GIVEIT HERE.
NOTHING'S GONNA TAKE MY BABY.
[JUG CLATTERS]
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
OH, MAKE HIM STOP.
MAKE HIM STOP, DAWAI!
HELLO.
WE NEED A RIDE INTO TOWN?
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO]
[BELL JINGLES]
CANI HELPY'ALL?
WENEEDTO SPEAKTOYOUR PA.
YEAH,SURE-
- ONESECOND.
[ DOOR OPENS]
CANI HELPYOU?
WEGOTSOMETHINGFOR YOU .
J'...
WITHA SMILEJ'
WEGOTYOUSOMEMORE 'SHINE.
Y'ALLAIN'TSUPPOSEDTOBE
HERE TILL NEXT MONTH.
YEAH,BUTTHISISSPECIAL.
LOOK. 
SHOW HIM.
[SNIFFS1 
SMELLS THE SAME.
IT'SREALSTRONG!
HEAD PEELER!
IDON'TTHINKSO. 
LOOK.
I THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED TO
STICK TO OUR ORIGINAL AGREEMENT,
ALL RIGHT?
I'M GONNA HAVE TO PASS ON THIS,
QKAY?
no,WAIT!
LOOK. 
I'M REAL SICK.
WE NEED THE MONEY SO I CAN SEE A
DOCTOR.
MY PA, HE DON'T BELIEVE IN THEM.
I'M SCARED.
PLEASE!
ALLRIGHT.
Oh,thankyou,thankyou! 
Y'ALLWAITRIGHTHERE,AND
I'LL GET YOU SOME MONEY, OKAY?
Y'ALL THIRSTY?
YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?
YEAH,THAT'DBE GOOD,THANK
YOU.
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
HEREYOUGO .
THANKYOU.
HESUREIS OUT.
HE'SBEENTHROUGHALOT. 
IFTHERE'SANYTHINGELSEYOU
NEED, LET ME KNOW.
I DON'T MEAN TO PRY, BUT MY DAD
SAID YOU NEED A DOCTOR.
I KNOW WHERE THERE'S AN OBIGYN.
HMM?
ABABYDOCTOR.
I SAW YOU WITH THE PREGNANCY
TESTS THE OTHER DAY.
NO,NO,NO ,rm NOT.
OH.
I'M SORRY. 
I JUST ASSUMED.
AAH!
YOUOKAY?
[ HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING]
[GASPS1
AAH!
HELPME!
WHAT?
IDON'TKNOW.
I THINK SHE'S HAVING A SEIZURE.
SHE NEEDS A DOCTOR.
NODOCTORS.
NO,NO,rm FINE.
I'M FINE.
[ MOANS 1
PLEASE DON'T TELL YOUR PA.
YOUNEEDHELP.
THEPEOPLEWHEREWE'RE
FROM -
- THEY WANT TO HURT US.
SHE'STELLINGYOUTHE TRUTH.
I'LLMAKESUREYOU GET YOUR
MONEY, THEN.
[PANTING]
WHAT'DITSHOWYOU ?
ITTOOKPYER.
THEN,YOUDOSEETHROUGHITS 
EYES.
IT'SPUNISHINGME .
WHOWASTHAT?
HOWTHEYDOINGBACKTHERE?
WEHAVETO HELPTHEM.
YOUCAN'TGETINTHEMIDDLE
OF THESE PEOPLE.
THERE'S SOME WEIRD SHIT GOING ON
IN THE WOODS OUT THERE, AND WE
DON'T WANT ANY PART OF IT.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
JUSTRESTYOURSELF.
IT AIN'T NO GOOD FOR YOU TO BE
WOUND UP LIKE YOU ARE.
THISISTAKINGTOO LONG.
WELL,THEYSAIDTHEY'DBRING
THE MONEY.
LET'SGO.
WE'LL TRY SOMEWHERE ELSE.
GET UP! 
COME ON!
OKAY.
THAT'SWHATIFIGURED.
I NEEDED TO BE CALLING YOU.
THOSE TWO CAME IN HERE.
THEY TRIED TO SELL SOME OF YOUR
MOONSHINE.
Oh,shit!
What?
Pa'shere!
ADA?
ADA?
!
Keepyourvoicedown!
Ada!
[TRUCK DOOR CLOSES]
HOWDAREYOU?
!
AAH!
YOUTHINKYOUCAN JUSTTURN 
YOUR BACK ON US?
!
THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU OUT
THERE!
WE'RE ALL YOU GOT!
AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN
DOING NOW.
IT'S PLAIN AS DAY!
THEREAIN'TNOTHINGGOINGON
BETWEEN US!
I TOLD YOU!
OH,HE'SGOODENOUGHFORYOU
TO RUN OFF WITH?
THEN, HE'S GOOD ENOUGH TO GET IN
YOUR PUSSY!
THISISFORBODEY.
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
ANDTHISIS FOREILEN.
[GROANS1 
ANDTHISIS FORMYWIFE .
[YELLS1 
I'LLDOHER.
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
[SCREAMING]
GOTTOSTARTLISTENING,ADA. 
BACK BEFORE, THEY'D HAVE KILLED
YOU FOR LESS THAN THIS.
YOUR PA, HE'S GONNA WORK THIS
OUT, THOUGH -
- WHAT NEEDS TO BE
DONE FOR THE BEST OF ALL OF US.
[SOBBING] 
WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
I'LLLETHIMEXPLAIN.
[SCREAMS,SOBS]
WHATISWRONGWITHYOU? 
I'MPREGNANT.
ITAIN'TMUCHOFNOTHING.
SHEWASONLYTWO MONTHSIN.
WELL,I SHOULDN'THAVEBEATEN
HER LIKE I DID.
YOUDIDWHATWAS RIGHT.
AND WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER DAWAI
WALKING AROUND, NO WAY.
YOUSUREIT 'SHIM?
WELL,WHOSEELSEWOULDITBE ?
HOWYOUDOING?
[ Slsl-ls 1
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?
I WOULDN'T HAVE PUT YOU UP THERE
AND WHUPPED YOU LIKE THAT.
ICOULDN'T.
SHE'SASHAMED,LIKESHE 
SHOULD BE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE ANYONE WOULD LIE
WITH A FOOL LIKE THAT.
IT'SNOTDAWAI'S.
THEN,WHOSEIS IT ?
IT'SJESSABY'S.
WHAT'DYOUSAY?
WHYELSEDO YOUTHINKWETOOK
ALL THEM WALKS TOGETHER?
HEY!
STOP!
LORISS!
IS WHAT YOU SAY TRUE?
DON'T YOU LIE TO YOUR PA!
ILOVEDHIM.
UGH!
GETHEROUTOFHERE !
UGH!
Shit!
YOUTELLCORBERWE'LLPAYHIM
WHATEVER HE WANTS.
[CRYING]
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'D ALREADY ARRANGED FOR YOU TO
BE JOINED WITH HIM.
BUT HE PROBABLY WON'T EVEN WANT
YOUR SORRY ASS NOW!
[sesame]
AH!
[GROWLS1 
YOUDON'TMAKEASQUEAK!
[ DOOR SLAMS]
[PANTING]
[GROANS1 
MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T EVEN TELL
CORBER.
HE'LL JUST SAY SHE'S RUINED,
ANYWAY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'D DO THIS.
I CAN'T ..
WOMAN,WILLYOUSHUTYOUR 
MOUTH AND LET ME THINK?
!
[ BOTH slel-l 1
WHEREYOUGOING?
!
TOTHEPIT.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
GRANDPA?
WHERE IS HE?
I NEED TO SPEAK TO THE SHUNNED
BOY RIGHT NOW.
YOU WERE RIGHT!
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?
[CHIRPING INTENSIFIES]
HOW DO I STOP IT?
YOUKNOW.
ISN'TTHERESOMEOTHERWAY? 
IT'SNOTOF THISWORLD.
COMEONANDDOIT.
I'M SITTING RIGHT HERE.
WHAT YOU WAITING FOR, YOU OLD
PIT?
I'M SITTING RIGHT HERE.
I AIN'T SCARED OF YOU.
I USED TO BE SCARED OF YOU.
EVERYBODY'S SO SCARED OF YOU.
I AIN'T SCARED OF YOU NO MORE.
SO, COME ON.
DAWAI,DIDYOUDOIT?
! 
WHAT?
YOUBEENFUCKINGMYDAUGHTER?
NO!
NO, Iain'T NEVER...
TOUCHED HER.
I AIN'T NEVER DONE IT WITH
NOBODY.
I SWEAR.
DIDYOUKNOWSHE WAS 
PREGNANT?
WAS?
YOU MEAN, SHE AIN'T NO MORE?
YOUARENO LONGERWITHCHILD.
WHY DO YOU RESIST?
IDON'TKNOW.
[ PIT CHIRPING]
WHAT?
IT'SAWAKE.
WELL,WHODO YOUTHINKIT
WAS?
[SCREAMS]
[JUG FACE CLATTERS]
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
[ PIT SCREECHES]
[HORN BLOWS]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
WHYAREYOUSTILLALIVE?
WHERE'S SUSTIN?
ITTOOKHIM.
I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT IT DID.
NO!
THIS WHOLE THING IS 'CAUSE OF
YOU!
I-I'DTRADEPLACESWITHHIM
IF I COULD.
YOUARESO DEAD.
STOPIT!
IT 'SNOTHIS FAULT!
IT'S BECAUSE OF ME.
IT WAS MY JUG FACE.
I HID IT.
WHAT?
IFOUNDTHEJUG FACETHAT 
DAWAI MADE A FEW DAYS AGO...
AND IT WAS MINE.
I GOT SCARED, SO I BURIED IT IN
THE WOODS.
THEONEHE COULDN'TFIND?
I'LLTAKEYOUTOIT.
GIVEITTO HIM.
AAH!
AAH!
YOUSELFISH,LITTLEBITCH.
LOOK WHAT ALL YOU DONE.
YOU ALMOST RUINED US, 'CAUSE OF
WHAT?
'CAUSE OF YOUR DIRTY, LITTLE
SECRET?
TOMORROW, YOU'RE GONNA MAKE THIS
RIGHT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!
TIE HER WITH DAWAI.
WHATABOUTOURAGREEMENT?
THEPITWANTSWHATITWANTS .
[ PIT RUMBLING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[GRUNTS1 
I'MSORRY.
I'DHAVETRIEDTOSAVE MY
BABY, TOO.
IT AIN'T QUITE FAIR, IS IT?
[ Slsl-ls 1
I RECKON THEY'LL DO ME IN AFTER.
PROBABLY.
IDON'TCARE.
TIRED OF THEM, ANYWAY.
SLEEPTIGHT.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[ INSECTS CHIRPING]
[CHIRPING INTENSIFIES]
WHATAREYOUDOING?
COOPSWANTSYOUTOGO.
WAIT.
LEAVEWHILEYOUCAN .
WHATABOUTDAWAI?
HEMUSTSTAY.
THEY'LLKILLHIM.
GO.
ADA, PLEASE, JUST GO!
IFI GIVEMYSELF,WILLDAWAI
BE SPARED?
YES.
I'MSTAYING,TH EN .
NO,YOUAIN'T!
YOU AIN'T STAYING.
ADA, GO.
HEY, WHERE YOU ALL GOING?
COME BACK HERE.
TAKE HER.
HEY!
HEY!
COME BACK HERE!
ADA, I WANT YOU TO GO.
I WANT YOU TO GO SOMEWHERE, AND
YOU LIVE A LIFE.
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.
YOU CAN GO TO TOWN.
IAMDOINGTHISFORYOU.
IDON'TWANTYOU TODOTHIS
FOR ME.
IT'SWHATISHOULDHAVE DONE 
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
[ INSECTS CHIRPING]
[MUMBLES]
I CAN'T BEAR IT.
I LOVE YOU.
[ Slsl-ls 1
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
WHOLETHERGO? 
SHEAIN'TGOINGANYWHERE.
ARE YOU READY TO GIVE YOURSELF
TO THE PIT, ONCE AND FOR ALL?
YES.
THEPITGIVES,AND THE PIT 
TAKES AWAY.
IT IS AN HONOR TO GO BE WITH IT,
AWAY FROM THIS EARTHLY PLANE.
I HOPE YOU ARE SATISFIED WITH
OUR SACRIFICE.
WE UNDERSTAND THAT THE PIT WANTS
WHAT IT WANTS.
IF YOU HAVE GOT ANYTHING TO SAY,
LET IT BE KNOWN.
[Crying1I JUSTWANT ToSAY
I'M SORRY!
I'M SORRY FOR THOSE WHO DIED
'CAUSE OF WHAT I DONE.
AND I'M SORRY TO THOSE LEFT
BEHIND.
[GURGLES]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[ UP-TEMPO COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS]
J'HEY,BABY,
WHAT'S GOING ON?
J' GOT A SNEAKING SUSPICION
THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG J'
J' GOT A WHOLE LOT OF TIME
TO KILL J'
J' AND I KNOW
YOU'VE GOT SOME SECRETS
YOU'VE BEEN WANTING TO SPILL I'
J' WELL, I LIE AWAKE,
AND I'M THINKING THROUGH,
AND I KNEW LONG AGO
THAT I'D STICK WITH YOU J'
J' I KNOW
I'M NOT YOUR ONLY FOOL,
'CAUSE I VOWED LONG AGO
THAT I'M STICKING WITH YOU J'
J' HEARD SOME DISCUSSIONS
THAT ARE BRINGING ME DOWN J'
J' AND I KNOW FROM THE GOSSIP
IT'S ALL OVER TOWN J'
J' NOT IN MY NATURE
TO WALK OUT AND QUIT J'
J' MIGHT LOOK OKAY,
BUT I'M FEELING LIKE SHIT J'
J' WELL, I LIE AWAKE,
AND I'M THINKING THROUGH,
AND I VOWED LONG AGO
THAT I'D STICK WITH YOU J'
J' I KNOW
I'M NOT YOUR ONLY FOOL J'
J' DECIDED LONG AGO
THAT I'M STICKING WITH YOU J'
J' WELL, I LAID AWAKE
AND THINKING THROUGH J'
J' EVERY NIGHT I'M UP
AND FEELING BLUE J'
J' WELL, I KNOW
I'M NOT YOUR ONLY FOOL J'
J' BUT I VOWED LONG AGO
THAT I'M STICKING WITH YOU J'
J' 'CAUSE I VOWED LONG AGO
THAT I'M STICKING WITH YOU J'
J' I KNEW LONG AGO
THAT I'M STICKING WITH YOU J'
J' AND I VOWED LONG AGO
THAT I'D STICK WITH YOU J'
J' LONG AGO
I LEARNED I'M SICK OF YOU J'

This is my room.
Hurry up and get out!
Why are you being like this all of a sudden?
If this is because I caused trouble...
-From now on,
From now on, we'll being using the same room like a real couple.
So just know that.
Prime Minister, even so...
Let me tell you one more thing.
...Now what..
-Even if this is a contract marriage, you're still the Prime Minister's wife.
I hope you don't forget to act with virtue and maturity.
...What did I do wrong?
Now, I'm staying beside that man.
Just look forward to what I will do, Hyung.
Episode 6
Does he not need sleep?
Boyfriend Wanted
Can I not go to kindergarten?
I don't want to go.
There must be something our Man Se doesn't like, huh?
Man Se, when you come back from kindergarten, I will play with you.
I'm really not going.
I said, I don't want to go.
Kwon Man Se, again!
School bus is already out there waiting for you.
You should go now, come on.
Yes.
You have to send off the kids with a happy heart.
How can you do this so harshly?
I've been doing this alone very well, even before you come here.
And also, what is this?
This.
Going around with this stuck to your back.
Are you rebelling right now?
Boyfriend Wanted
Kwon Na Ra, that girl...
You're such a worry(to other people).
Miss. 
Nam Worry, let me tell you just three things.
Three things?
First, don't cause any trouble.
Stay quiet, I beg of you.
I'm busy enough worrying about the nation's affairs.
Do I have to worry about you, too?
This, this. 
Look at this hanbok (Tranditional dress).
Don't wear this again. 
I don't ever want to see again that underskirt flapping around.
It's very appropriate for the house, and isn't this pretty?
Last, third.
Now, watch the kids and write down what they do.
is that an assignment?
I'm not a kid, don't give me homework.
You said you want to communicate with the kids. 
That's a good idea you had.
Double spaced 160 A4 5 pages do it right.
What? 
5 pages?
That girl. 
You dare mess with me?
Does she think I'll let her go just because she's the Prime Minister's wife?
Mom, it's my report card.
Oh..
Oh my, my son, you're so intelligent.
Rank 1? 
You are great!
By the way, what place did Kwon Woo Ri rank?
Him? 
10th.
He can't compete with me.
Good job, my son. 
You've done a good job.
Dad
I got rank 1.
Good, good job.
Honey, is that all?
It's not just number 1, but number 1 out of the whole grade.
Haven't I said 'Good Job'? 
Is there anything more to say?
What else do I expect from you...
But you, why are you going out so early?
I have to attend the Korea Council Conference.
Why are you dressed so fancy in the morning?
Me?
I am attending the Lily Club Meeting.
Last time I made a mistake, so I should probably apologize, right?
But, what type of service work are they going to do here?
Everybody in the Lily Club is waiting for you, the Prime Minister's Wife,  iswaitingforyou tocome today.
Itisaservicemeeting,soplease comeout.
Here is the information on the Korea Council Conference today.
Speaking of, I haven't seen Chief Kang.
Because there was a problem with Kim Chun Man, he went to meet Professor Kim.
Chief Seo, do you know Chief Kang's background very well?
Pardon?
..I'm not so sure of what you mean..
Well, you know... family background, hobby... also, does he have a girlfriend? 
Well, stuff like that.
I don't know. 
Now that I look at it, Chief Kang and I haven't really been in a conversation.
But, why are you asking this?
Hmm, just because.
We've been working together, yet I still don't know much about him.
By the way, Prime Minister, did you finish the financial report for next year?
Yes, is it by today?
I left it at home. 
Wait a minute.
Yeah, Ahjumma,
Can you ask Nam Da Jeong to bring the papers on my desk...
What?
She went to the Lily Club meeting?
100 thousand dollars?
!
I have to pay 100 thousand dollars?
Our Former Club President, Na Yoon Hee paid that much previously.
Club President, you can pay about that much, right?
..I,
..how can I do..
Just sit down.
That money, I will continue to sponsor it for the sake of our Lily Club.
Don't worry. 
Let's move on to the next topic.
Then, shall we talk about the next bazaar?
Club President, what type of bazaar should we have this time?
If you're asking about a bazaar... aren't you talking about making Korean pancakes and selling old clothes?
No, after you bring together "rich" wives, how can we make Korean pancakes and sell old clothes?
What about a Luxury Item Bazaar like we did last time?
We make lots of money, and people see us in a good way.
-That's good.
-I like it. 
As expected.
..Wait.. a moment.
I'm against that idea.
All your husbands are officials.
Well, not a Luxury Item Bazaar...
You don't want a Luxury Item Bazaar, you don't have money to give...
Then, what are you going to do as the Club's President?
Oh, I heard that you were a reporter.
Can't you get help from celebrities?
I heard that she secretly searched up each person's background. 
Who would help her?
Oh, Scandal News!
Anyway, our Club President can decide about the bazaar.
Shall we end today's meeting?
Here, bill please.
No, not to me.
Over there, to our club president.
Days like this, it is right for you to pay.
So, shall we get going?
Yes.
3,502,000won(Koreancurrency) 3,500 dollars!
Yes, Prime Minister. 
Don't worry about a thing.
I will see the situation, and send Nam Da Jeong.
I hope there will be no trouble.
Please sit.
[She has about $22.
I'm going crazy.
Umm... 
Can I pay in 12 months?
Huh?
Please, leave for a second.
Yes.
Before you pay, isn't there something you need to tell me?
Oh, right.
I was sorry about the abrupt visit last time.
Is that all you are sorry about?
Shouldn't you be really sorry for this?
!
This...
What happened with this is that...
You think everything's great just because you're the wife of the Prime Minister?
You trash, who do you think you are!
You think you could do this and stay safe?
What are you doing?
How dare you do this to this Prime Minister's wife?
Apologize right now.
Apologize?
A person who shakes her tail at my husband, who are you saying that to?
!
Tail?
Before and now, you're still the same.
What?
As a female, it's quite pitiful.
You're really...
Are you finished talking?
Why're you doing this? 
Stop it.
Would you let go!
Le...
let go of me!
Let go! 
Hey!
Let go!
Madame, let's go.
I have to pay for this.
You didn't pick this place, right Madame?
Then it's only right for the person who picked the place to pay for the expenses.
Those people!
Don't you know what kind of person she is?
Why didn't you ask me first before coming here?
I didn't want to come here, too.
But I thought I should apologize to Madame Na.
To apologize? 
Did you cause some trouble without me knowing again?
I'm asking this nicely, please don't be a nuisance to the Prime Minister.
A nuisance?
You didn't know?
You are bothering him just by your existence.
Just go back.
Isn't that Chief Kang?
What is he doing here?
Chief Kang...
That is the Head Secretary of Minister Park, but why is he with Chief Kang?
Am I that bad?
What exactly am I doing here?
It wasn't sufficient enough that she was disgraced at the Lily Club, she got water thrown at her by Na Young.
Prime Minister.
When did you come?
Come out.
Oh. something again?
Secretary Seo?
You're here?
What about the Prime Minister?
He just went inside.
But this area doesn't have a CCTV, is there a reason to check it?
Didn't I tell you about that?
We secretly did it after that incident.
With the Prime Minister's approval.
Oh, you did? 
That's a relief.
We'll find the opponent first.
Where did he go after telling me to come out?
Nam Da Jeong.
Prime Minister! 
I don't know how to do Kendo.
No one knows how to do it at first.
You can learn now. 
Head!
Ah!
How can you stay still when the sword's flying?
You have to find a way to block. 
Next is, shoulder!
If you have that much agility, it seems like you have some movement skills. 
Next is the back!
What are you doing, Prime Minister?
It seems like you're mad about me going to the Lily Club, but I did nothing wrong.
I'm not mad because you went to the Lily Club, but I'm mad because you were pushed around like a fool over there.
Did you just call me a fool?
Why? 
Are you mad?
If you're mad, bring it on.
You think I can't?
Yah!
Waist.
In a fight, it's not losing or winning that's important.
Even if you lose, you have to protect yourself.
Even after being pushed around by those women, aren't you mad?
Then why don't you help me.
Why should I?
You should find it personally.
Find an answer by yourself.
Think about how you can protect yourself.
With your methods.
Ah, I heard you met Chief Kim.
Where did you meet him?
No, at Myungshim hotel.
Ah, I heard the Baek Hwa Pae was at Myungshim hotel as well.
So we met there too?
You know him, Minister Park Joon Gi's secretary.
Chief Kang, how do you know Secretary Bae?
We met somewhere.
You met where?
We trained together.
We coincidentally met at the hotel.
Is that so?
Wait a minute.
Why, is there something?
I'll zoom up on this.
Isn't that Woo Ri?
I'm leaving first. 
If anything comes up, contact me immediately.
Still, eating something sweet releases stress, don't you think?
As expected, I have no one but you, Chief Kang.
Dad told me.
That he saw you at the medical center.
Ah, yes.
My brother is there.
Your brother?
Ah. 
How.
Car accident.
It's been 7 years now.
Before the accident, we used to play chess every Christmas.
I always lost.
I wanted to win my brother someday.
It will come.
There is a miracle your brother will wake up.
I believe that kind of miracle will happen.
To Chief Kang, and my dad too.
I wish too, just like you said.
Just believe! 
It'll happen if you believe.
I want to ask you something.
What is it?
Da Jung. 
Do you like the Prime Minister?
What?
No way.
Do you like Nam Da Jung?
Yes. 
There's no reason to hate her.
I don't mean it that way.
I'm asking if you have interest in her.
Why are you asking?
Let's talk honestly.
I saw you hugging her before.
I feel like I have to know the relationship between you two.
Sorry. 
She seemed like she was having a hard time and I wanted to encourage her.
We're not in that kind of relationship for you to worry about.
Is that true?
I don't have time to love.
Before that, there is something I must do.
Something you must do?
Later.
What is that?
One day, I'll be able to tell you.
Not right now?
Correct?
There's no reason for you to be awkward with Nam Da Jeong.
But since there are a lot of people watching, just be careful. 
There's no need for you to get involved in unnecessary scandals.
I don't want that.
Miss Da Jeong, is it possible, that you like Prime Minister?
Ah Chief Kang, how can you ask those kind of questions?
Oh my...
Gasp..
Wow, Kwon Woo Ri...
Is this a room? 
It's a pigsty.
Caramel Machiato Concert
Oh, all this time Woo Ri has been playing music?
I'm thinking of holding a meeting with the journalists before the end of the year.
And also...
That... 
Prime Minister.
You look tired.
Are you having lack of sleep lately?
No. 
I'm not tired.
Don't worry about it and keep talking.
Just a second.
Hello? 
Who's this?
Woori's home room teacher?
Ok. 
Let's keep the fact that Woori is in a band a secret.
It's so obvious that he's going to throw a tantrum once he knows it.
Ah, how could he tell me to write a daily journal that's 5 pages long?
What kind of medicine is this?
Madame, pick up the phone.
It's Man Se's kindergarten teacher.
Man Se has been like that for a few days, so I'm letting you know.
He doesn't play with friends and doesn't practice for the kindergarten festival dance, either.
Yeah? 
Festival dance?
The kindergarten is holding a festival on Christmas's Eve. 
You are not aware?
That day, all the parents must come.
Man Se, do you want me to buy you bread?
Then, ice cream. 
What about strawberry ice cream?
Forget it.
This won't do it anymore.
Come on, piggyback!
Because I want to give our Man Se a piggyback ride.
Come on.
Here we go.
Man Se, why didn't you tell us about the festival?
Afraid that Daddy wouldn't come?
Is that why you said you were going to quit Kindergarten?
I don't know. 
I'm not going to the festival.
Why? 
Do you know how much fun kindergarten festival is?
I will bring your dad, hyung, noona and everyone to there.
Liar. 
My dad definitely won't come.
He didn't even go once to Hyung's and Noona's.
It's not like that, Man Se.
When you're handing over the invitation, and ask dad that he must come, he will definitely go.
R-really?
Kindergarten festival?
What time do I have to go to things like that.
I can't go.
Prime Minister, no matter how busy you are, you can leave out an hour or two for this, right?
I don't have that kind of time.
Do I have to lie when it's obvious I can't go?
But still...
Kwon Woo Ri, why aren't you coming in?
Come in, right now!
Follow me.
Why did you fight?
Since when did you pay attention to me?
You didn't pay any attention to whatever I do.
Boys are fighting all time.
But I have to know the reason.
Why did you fight?
-Okay then.
I'll just tell you then.
Park Hyun Seo, that bastard, teased me that I must be happy about having a young step-mom. 
That's why I hit him.
Is that it?
Just for that one reason?
No.
I wanted to hit him, because I was annoyed and angry.
-What?
Should I be more honest and tell you?
I hit him because I was angry at you!
It's all because of you, dad!
Seven years ago, after mom's accident
I never really forgot about mom for a moment.
But not you, right?
That's why you remarried.
It makes me so mad, when I think of you being like this!
Are you taking his side because he is your nephew?
Woo Ri hit Hyun Seo!
Stop, that's enough.
I'm sure Hyun Seo did something wrong, too.
Would you have said that, if Hyun Seo was your biological son?
What did you just say?
Did I say something wrong?
Hyun Seo is ranked number 1 or he is beaten, you couldn't care less.
Would you be like that with your own son?
When I married you, there was a request your father asked of me.
Even though he was born from your recklessness, but for me to think that he is my child, and never to state otherwise.
Honey.
- I have never said Hyun Seo isn't my son.
You're the one who is always saying that.
Think about if that is a right way to behave for the good of Hyun Seo.
Honey.
Seven years ago, after mom's car accident
I have never forgot about mom for a moment.
Woo Ri must had a hard time because of his mom.
What are you doing?
Ah, this.
I want to give Man Se Christmas gift.
You are better than me.
Ah, hold on a minute.
Are you sick? 
Your color doesn't look good.
It's because I have a headache. 
It's not a big deal.
Oh my! 
Look at the sweat on your forehead.
Prime Minister, are you suffering from indigestion?
I'm positive you're suffering from indigestion because of us. 
I'll prick it for you.
Put the needle away.
I'll be fine once I take medicine.
It's not good to rely on and take medicine so often.
Give me your hand, hurry up.
Give me your hand. 
Here, let's sit here.
Now.
You have a good body.
A while ago, you said to me that I'm a "zero score" dad.
- What?
Am I that bad of a dad?
Instead of a bad dad, you're a busy dad.
Too busy, so thoughtless dad.
I think you're too busy to understand your children well.
I don't think you hug them that much either.
Even though you're like that to Woo Ri and Na Ra, but you should hug Man Se more often.
He is still young.
You're supposed to... clear a blockage, and... untangle misunderstandings.
It hurts to drain an abscess, but you need to do it in order to heal.
That way, the wound will heal quickly.
By the way, how many more times do I have to be pierced?
Somethings is strange.
Blackish blood is supposed to come out, but red blood came out.
Maybe It's not indigestion?
That's why I told you. 
It's not indigestion, it's my head that aches.
Gosh, I shouldn't even bother speaking to you.
You are a busy dad.
You are an unwitting dad, since you're so busy
Prime Minister, because you're busy all the time.
I don't think you know really know children's feelings.
Do you want to die?
But you should give Man Se a lot of hugs.
He's a little kid
Prime Minister Kwon is really busy, right?
Of course he is!
He said he was sorry he couldn't come.
The color suits you.
This is why the ladies don't leave me alone.
I'm about to go crazy
Dad...
You're okay, right?
Are you going to cry a river again?
!
What did I do?
Hey, is this all for my Christmas present?
Then what else do you want?
You really don't know what I want?
Since you got married, there should be news! 
News!
If you don't worry and don't plan ahead,
When are you going to get a baby?
!
Dad, I'm scared that people would overhear!
Can you talk quietly?
Seeing how I'm getting morning sickness in place of you,
You are not far from it
Just have two, whether it's a boy or a girl.
Huh?
The man who follows Prime Minister Kwon around...
Wait, so he is...
Oh, yeah. 
That man is his older brother.
That person... is Chief Kang's older brother?
Why are you staring into space?
If you've finished giving me the present, you should hurry up and leave.
Aren't you going to go and support Prime Minister Kwon?
Just as you say, I'm about to give him huge support today.
Are you saying we should make dolls?
After meeting you all last time, I had a lot of thoughts.
As the president of Lily Club, I thought about what I should do to show my responsibility.
There was just one answer.
Do physical work.
So, are you telling us to make dolls?
Did you gather us all the way out here, just so you could say that?
Yes.
This doll that we will be making... will be sent to disabled children... who are in care facilities, nationwide.
So, one stitch at a time, please put in effort and make it as if you were a master craftsman.
50 dolls per person.
F-fifty?
-Yes.
Fifty.
It would be unfortunate if our citizens didn't realize... the efforts put in by you special and busy ladies, right?
That's why I invited them.
Here, please introduce yourself.
All this generous work you ladies will be doing... will be covered exclusively by Scandal News, who always captures the attention of netizens and stays one step ahead of the game.
It won't be an exclusive.
Korea's most famous daily newspaper, one with a long history and tradition...
I am journalist Byeon Hee Chul, of Goryeo Ibo.
The efforts put in by your lovely hands...
I'll be sure to cover it well, responsibly.
As the president, I'll be treating you today, so please eat as much as you wish.
The sandwiches are warm and delicious!
Ma'am, do we have to make things like this?
That girl, that girl... she even called the journalists.
She's not an easy one!
She dares to shove it in my face like this?
!
Everyone, please looks here. 
Here, here.
Okay, it looks good.
One, two, three.
-Ma'am, yes, placing your hand there looks good!
Hand! 
Hand! 
Hand! 
Smile!
Okay, once more. 
One, two, three!
On the morning of the 24th, we will begin by visiting the outdoor markets, and... until the late afternoon, we will be visiting the orphanage, senior center, fire house, etc...
There are a lot of places that we'll have to visit.
What if we pull the morning schedule earlier?
If we do that, will we get done by 6PM?
By 6PM?
Is there a reason?
I'm thinking of visiting Man Se's kindergarten school.
To the kids,
I think I've been too thoughtless.
That's a great plan.
Oh, by the way...
I prepared the kids' presents as usual, like previous years- 
-No.
You don't have to prepare them.
Nam Da Jeong is going to prepare the presents.
Nam Da Jeong?
-After that incident with Minister Park last time,
I've been thinking a lot.
All this time, I think I may have depended on you too much.
You may have felt burdened by it, and...
I've wondered if that's why you've been making brazen decisions lately.
It's not like that, Mr. Prime Minister.
It's definitely not like that!
Because...
Because...
Your working hard for me all this time,
I'm very thankful for it, and I'm sorry.
But starting now,
I'll try harder... so that you don't feel burdened.
You don't need to prepare them.
Nam Da Jeong is going to prepare the presents.
Really?
Did dad really say he's coming?
That's right.
No matter what happens, he would come to see the show he promised.
Ajumma will go too.
Hooray! 
I'm excited!
Yay!
No way.
He never came to mine.
Dad's too much. 
I will not forgive him.
Na Ra! 
Na Ra!
Ahjumma, let's make a Christmas tree.
Should we?
I don't like black tea.
I don't like coke.
♫I walked alone♫
♫following your footsteps♫
♫This road that we walked together ♫
♫My heart feels lighter♫
♫ Will you come here? 
♫
♫ After coming one step closer to me, ♫
♫  Since we've been far apart until now, come inside my heart. ♫
♫  I'm going to cry out for you. ♫
♫  Please take a look at me, who has been hiding. ♫
♫  So that my feelings get passed on, ♫
♫  and you can feel it filling up. ♫
♫  To us, farewell is... ♫
♫  Yet to come. 
Please tell me that. ♫
♫  I won't hurry. ♫
♫  This is just the beginning. ♫
♫  Please stay right there. ♫
Prime Minister...
He's good at needlework.
Kids, go and change your clothes.
We need to attend Man Se's talent show.
I'm not going.
I'm not going either.
Ahjumma, you go alone.
Kwon Na Ra...
You'll regret it if you don't go.
You'll really regret if you don't go.
There is a present for you, you know.
What is it?
If you're curious come to the festival, then I'll give it to you.
And Kwon Woo Ri.
What?
I know what you've been doing.
You're in a band right?
How did you...
I have my ways.
And there is a performance.
What if the Prime Minister finds out?
Performing without the lead vocal would be difficult, right?
Are you blackmailing me?
Exactly!
That's exactly it, you're coming right?
Yes, Prime Minister?
What did you say?
What are you saying?
The President is making an unplanned visit to the office.
And Man Se?
What about Man Se?
I'll try my best, but I can't make any promises.
Prime Minister!
Mr. Prime Minister, the President has arrived.
Alright, I'll be right out.
I'll call you later, so take the kids and go ahead.
Hello? 
Hello?
Whether or not the President is about to visit the office, you should keep your promise!
The call cannot be connected...
Ma'am, take the kids and go ahead.
I'll go straight to the school.
Why is she acting like that?
Uncle, it's me.
Really?
Okay. 
I'm in the middle of a meal, so let's talk later.
I'm sorry, Father-in-law.
Prime Minister Kwon... is probing into the international port center at Geum Cheong Bay?
You don't have to worry about that.
I'll take care of it.
Of course.
If you don't take care of it well, I might have to intervene.
Do it properly.
I... raised you so that I could protect my wealth.
A Jindo (guard dog) that protects my money.
That's your role.
A reason why a Jindo (guard dog) is good, is because it only accepts one person as its owner.
However, I'm not a person who could be a Jindo dog.
Honey...
Go ahead, continue.
In life, there are times when the dog bites his owner.
I'm saying this so you'd know that it wouldn't be a bad idea to be cautious.
Then, please excuse me as I leave the table.
Hon..honey!
Dad, why are you always like this?
I asked you to help me console him!
I didn't ask you to crush him like this!
I can't live like this!
The pending matters all seem to have been resolved.
Ah, Prime Minister Kwon...
Let's have dinner together. 
It's been a while.
I'm sorry. 
I have to leave.
Why? 
Did you have plans?
I made a promise with my youngest child.
I don't want to disappoint my child today, if I could help it.
Ah, now that I think of it, today is Christmas Eve.
Then, let's have dinner next time.
How much time do I have left?
Christmas Celebration
You have 20 minutes.
I arranged for the car to wait for you at the entrance.
Let's go.
Prime Minister!
How are you here?
I came to get you! 
Do you think it makes sense to miss it because of the President?
I said I'd try. 
Where do you think this is, for you to chase after me?
We don't have time. 
Let's go quickly.
Quickly, come. 
Quickly.
Dashing through the snow, In a one-horse open sleigh.
O'er the fields we go, Laughing all the way.
Bells on bobtail ring,
Making spirits bright.
What about Dad and Ahjumma?
Oh, they said they'll be here soon.
Don't worry, Man Se.
They're really coming, right?
That's what I said.
Oppa, I'll bet $10 that this won't happen.
Jingle bells, jingle bells.
I think there's a lot of traffic because it's Christmas Eve.
It's almost time, what should we do?
Why aren't you letting them block the roads for you?
If you had let them do that, we wouldn't be here like this!
I can't block an eight-lane street just so that I could attend my son's kindergarten talent show!
Yeah, that's right, but when there's an urgent situation-
Especially when it's urgent, you need to keep your principles.
Ah, you're so frustrating!
I should stop talking
Didn't you say you knew every alleyway and shortcut in Seoul?
Is there any other way we could go?
There is none! 
All the road are going to be like this at this hour, wherever you go.
What are we going to do about Man Se!
Yoon Sool (Kindergarten School).
First, let's get out of the car.
To do what?
When traffic is this bad, there is only one way
I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry.
Excuse us.
-It's the Prime Minister!
Let's go to the very front
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Look! 
It's him!
Yeah, look it's the Prime Minister!
Welcome Parents!
Now we are going to start Yushul Kindergarten's annual Christmas Show!
Wow! 
I saw Kwon Yul in the subway today.
-Seeing Kwon Yul in real life is so awesome!
We shouldn't have come this way
We need to get off here
Excuse us, excuse us.
Wait a minute, Prime Minister.
Prime Minister! 
Prime Minister!
Mr. P-Prime Minister!
-Aigoo...
-Omo!
What do we do Prime Minister! 
We can't be late!
This is all your fault!
Be prepared to face the consequences if we end up missing the performance!
What?
It does not matter who's fault it is
Oh, what do we do! 
Man Se
Feliz navidad, feliz navidad.
Ah, it's already time for the final act
What's taking Dad so long? 
What is they don't make it?
You thought he was actually coming? 
He won't come. 
He's not that kind of person
Feliz navidad, feliz navidad.
Prospero Año y Felicidad.
Where's Dad and Ahjumma?
Man Se, let's get ready, we're up next.
Prime Minister Promised to see you perform no matter what happens.
I will be there too.
Liars.
Dad and Ahjumma lied to me.
wearing red clothes
Tangy and sweet aroma.
The cool looking tomato
I'm going to be juice I'm going to be ketchup
I'm going to dance, the coolest tomato
Tomato!
Man Se is right there.
Man Se!
Man Se, dance.
I like the color and taste of the chocolate flavor, it's the best, but i also like just milk
Full of protein, calcium, and other nutrients, milk is the best
Our Na Ra, you came eventhough you said you wern't
I'm not here because of the present.
I came because of Man Se
Can't imagine a world without milk
I like milk the best.
Give me milk only!
M-I-L-K, M-I-L-K.
In English, it's milk, oh milk.
Prime Minister, can we take a picture togather?
Thank you!
Oh, I'm so jealous!
It's nice to meet you.
Dad!
I have a gathering with friends today.
You seemed to be busy, so I wasn't able to say my goodbyes before leaving.
I'm sorry.
Yes, I hope you enjoy Christmas as well, Mr. Prime Minister.
Korean Politics Study Group
Excuse me!
Is there a man named Kwon Yul here?
He's not here right now.
Kiddo, who are you?
Why are you looking for Yul?
I'm Seo Hye Ju.
Sunbaenim, who are you?
Sunbaenim?
From the looks of you, you seem like a middle school student. 
Why am I your sunbae?
I'm going get accepted to this school in the future, for sure.
That's why you're my sunbaenim.
You're a spunky kiddo.
I'm Park Joon Gi.
It's nice to meet you, Hoobae.
How did you find me here?
It's snowing!
They said it was going to rain today.
I know, right?
It's an unexpected present.
It's cute!
How am I supposed to wear this?
A day will come when you can play chess with your brother again, for sure.
I wish you, my guardian angel, for a Christmas Miracle.
Merry Christmas!
You put in a lot of effort today, preparing everyone's Christmas gifts.
You prepared half of those.
You did a lot of the sewing.
Oh, by the way.
Why is mine the only one missing?
Then, is there a present for me?
Did you prepare something?
Oh, that's right.
Ta-da!
What is this?
Is this a present for me?
One Thousand and One Nights (Arabian Nights).
This book is from my study.
How is this a present?
My gift is to read it to you myself
What?
Mr. Prime Minister, you have insomnia, right?
I noticed that you just worked all night, without sleeping.
Now that we're using the same room, for the sake of my sleeping soundly, you need to sleep earlier.
So, from now on, I'll personally read you this book.
Hey, Nam Da Jeong.
I don't want to accept that present.
How dare you!
How could you ignore my efforts?
Come here, quickly.
I said, come here, quickly!
By the way, Prime Minister...
Why do you have such a hard time falling asleep?
It's not of your business. 
Don't mind it.
Ah, okay.
Stay still.
Then, I'll begin.
A long time ago, a sultan named Shahryar lived in Persia.
The Sultan, who was shocked to realize that his Sultress was unfaithful to him... got together with a new Sultress every night, to forget his wounded heart.
Then, he repeatedly killed them the next day.
Then one day, the commander's smart daughter, Scheherazade, said...
Father, please help me become the Sultan's wife.
So what happened?
Why aren't you reading it?
Resentment can't get rid of misfortune, and... atrociousness can't stop rage.
Therefore, the person who saved me is thee.
You who came to visit me when I couldn't fall asleep.
My Scheherazade.
I got the feeling that you thought of Nam Da Jeong in a special way.
I'm just curious of the reason.
Please keep the Prime Minister there for 30 minutes. 
It's important, so please, help me.
The Prime Minister's office didn't take notice, right?
It's nice to see you smiling.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Sunbae, I don't hate you. 
I just pity you
The one who's been reporting to Minister Park, is it you?
Why? 
I can't do that?
What did you say?
Oh, thank you.
Is that all you can play?
About the thing that happened yesterday...
I'm sorry. 
It was my fault.
Do you think you're the kids' mother?
Nam Da Jeong really did the wrong thing, reminding me of my wife.
Prime Minister! 
Open your eyes! 
Please!
Prime Minister!

Subtitles by DramaFever
This is my room! 
Get out!
What's wrong all of the sudden?
If it's about the trouble I got us into...
We will be sharing our room like a real couple from now.
But, Prime Minister...
Speaking of which...
- What now?
- I know it's a contract marriage... but you're still the spouse of the Prime Minister.
I want you to be a faithful and modest wife.
What did I do?
I'm next to him.
Watch what I do from now on, Brother.
Episode 6
Does he not sleep?
[Need a boyfriend]
Can I skip kindergarten?
I really don't want to go.
Is something bothering you, Man Se?
I will play with you when you get back from kindergarten.
I really don't want to go.
I don't want to go!
Kwon Man Se! 
Again?
The bus is waiting outside.
You have to go now!
Okay.
You should've been nicer.
Don't be too harsh on the kid.
He never had a problem before you came.
And what is this?
You had this on your back.
Are you defying me?
Kwon Na Ra.
I'm worried.
Ms. Nam Guk Jung! 
(Worried about others!
)
Let me tell you three things.
Three?
First, don't get yourself into trouble.
I have my plate full worrying about this country.
And this traditional dress.
Don't you ever put it on again. 
I don't want to see you wearing that ruse again.
What's wrong with my dress?
It suits this place well.
Isn't it pretty?
And thirdly.
Write logs about the children and what they are thinking.
Logs?
I'm not a kid!
You wanted me to communicate with the kids.
I thought it was a great idea.
Make it five pages with font size 10.
I'll be angry if you slack off!
Five pages?
That wench!
How dare she mess with me?
Does she think I'll go easy on her?
Mom!
It's my test score for my finals.
Oh my! 
Good job!
You got first place in school.
It's amazing!
What was Kwon Woo Ri's place?
Him? 
He barely got tenth place in his class.
He can never beat me.
That's good! 
Good job!
Tell him.
Dad! 
I got first place in school.
- Okay, good job.
- Honey!
That's it?
It's not just first place in his class, it's first place in school.
That's why I said good job.
Do I need to say anything else?
What else can I ask for?
By the way, why are you leaving so early?
I have a meeting.
Why are you so dressed up in the morning?
Me? 
There's a White Cafe meeting today.
I probably should apologize to her.
What kind of volunteer work are we doing here?
All of the members of White Cafe are looking forward to seeing you.
It's a volunteer group, so please come out.
It's about the meeting today.
By the way, I don't see Director Kang here.
He went to see Dr. Kim.
Secretary Seo?
Do you know a lot about Director Kang?
Pardon?
I don't know what you mean, Sir.
You know, what his family is like.
What he likes and if he has a girlfriend.
Things like that.
No, I don't think I ever had a conversation about his personal life.
- But why all of the sudden?
- Nothing.
There's not much I know about him even though he's always with me.
Prime Minister.
- Did you sign the business plan for next year?
- Oh.
Was that due today?
I left it at home. 
One sec.
Yes, can you tell Da Jung to get the document on my desk?
What? 
She went to a White Cafe meeting?
100 million Won?
I have to pay 100 million Won?
I'm just saying that our chairwoman has paid that much.
You think you can pay that much too?
I...
- How can I?
- Sit down.
I will sponsor White Cafe with that money.
So let's just skip to the next motion.
Okay then we will now talk about the New Year Bazaar.
Which item shall we pick for the bazaar?
Bazaar? 
Like selling pancakes and old clothes?
How can we sell pancakes and old clothes to our rich VVIP guests?
Why don't we have a premium bazaar like we did last time?
- It makes money, and it looks good.
- That sounds great!
That's good.
Wait a minute.
I'm against that.
All of your husbands are public servants.
- A premium bazaar is...
- You don't like the premium bazaar?
But you can't pay the fee either.
What are you going to do as the chairwoman then?
Since she was a journalist, we could get help from the celebrities.
She was stalking them.
They are not going to help her.
Oh! 
Scandal News.
Okay then, the chairwoman will decide on the bazaar.
Let's wrap up the meeting today.
Check please.
No, not me.
To the chairwoman over there.
It's expected that the chairwoman pays on a day like this.
- Shall we get going then?
- Okay.
3.5 million?
Okay, I will see what's going on and take care of Da Jung.
I hope nothing happens.
Please take your seats.
Oh my God.
I'm sorry.
Is a 12-month installment okay?
Sorry?
Please stay outside.
I think there's something you need to tell me before you pay.
Oh yeah.
I'm very sorry about going to your place last time.
Is that all?
Shouldn't you be sorry for this?
This is...
What happened was...
You have nothing!
And you think you can do anything now that you're the Prime Minister's wife?
How dare you!
Did you think that you'll be okay?
What are you doing?
What are you doing to the spouse of the Prime Minister?
Apologize immediately!
Apologize?
I was going to get you too, so this works out well Secretary Seo.
You're the one flirting with my husband! 
How dare you!
Flirt?
- You haven't changed one bit.
- What?
You want me to give you some advice?
Please behave for the sake of Minister Park.
As his wife, you're acting pitiful.
How dare you!
What did you just say?
- I'm going to kill you!
- Please!
Let go! 
Move aside!
Come here! 
I'm going to kill you.
Let go! 
Let go!
Let go!
We need to get going.
I need to pay the bill.
You didn't arrange the meeting here, did you?
Then the person who arranged the meeting here should be paying.
Those wenches!
Don't you know what kind of person she is?
You should've asked me first if you were coming here.
I didn't want to come either.
I just...
I just thought that I should apologize to her.
Apologize?
Did you get in trouble again?
Nam Da Jung! 
Can you please stop causing trouble for the Prime Minister?
- Causing trouble?
- Didn't you know?
You're causing all kinds of trouble!
Just go back home right now.
Isn't that Director Kang?
What's he doing here?
Director Kang...
He's the chief secretary for Minister Park.
Why is he...
Am I causing that much trouble?
What am I doing here?
Not only was she embarrassed at the meeting, Na Yun Hee also threw water at her.
Prime Minister.
When did you get here?
Come outside.
What now?
Secretary Seo?
Hi. 
Where is the Prime Minister?
He just went in.
There's no CCTV inside the house.
Do we have to check?
Didn't I tell you?
We secretly installed them after the incident last time.
By the Prime Minister's order.
Oh you did? 
That's good.
First, let's start from the day Dr. Kim visited.
Where did he go?
Nam Da Jung!
Prime Minister! 
I can't do kendo.
No one is good from the start.
You can learn now.
Head!
You can't stay still when the sword is coming at you!
You should block!
Shoulder!
You seem to be athletic.
Waist!
What are you doing?
Are you upset because I went to the White Cafe meeting?
I didn't do anything wrong.
I'm not upset because you went to the meeting.
I'm angry because you let them get to you like an idiot.
Did you just call me an idiot?
What? 
You have a problem?
Then fight me.
You think I can't?
Head, waist, head!
You're open!
Winning is not important.
You should at least protect yourself even when you lose!
Don't you even feel angry at them?
- Then you should've helped me.
- Why should I?
It's your fight.
You should find your own answer.
Find a way to protect yourself.
Your own way!
I heard you went to see Dr. Kim today.
- Where did you see him? 
At his school?
- No.
I saw him at Myungsim Hotel.
Oh, I heard that there was a White Cafe meeting at Myungsim Hotel.
Was that why Secretary Bae was there?
You know Minister Park's secretary right?
How do you know Secretary Bae?
- I was a classmate.
- A classmate?
We were trained together.
Then I ran into him at the hotel.
Did you?
- Wait a minute.
- Why? 
You see something?
Let me zoom in here.
It's Woo Ri.
I will get going first.
Call me when something happens.
Don't you feel better when you're eating sweets?
You're my guardian angel.
Oh yeah, my dad told me.
He saw you at the nursery center.
Oh yes.
My older brother is there.
Your brother?
What happened?
A car accident.
It's been seven years already.
I played chess with my brother every Christmas before the accident.
I always lost.
I've always wanted to beat him at least once.
That day is going to come.
Because there's something called a miracle.
Your brother will get back up.
I believe in those miracles.
For you and for my father.
I hope that's true.
Believe! 
You just need to believe it.
There's something I want to ask you.
What is it?
Da Jung.
- Do you like the Prime Minister?
- What?
No.
Do you like Nam Da Jung?
Of course I like her.
There's no reason for me not to.
That's not what I meant.
I meant as a woman.
Why do you ask all of a sudden?
I'll be honest.
I saw you embracing Da Jung.
I thought I needed to know what's going on between you two.
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to comfort her because she seemed be going through a tough time.
We're not something you should worry about.
Is that the truth?
I don't have room in my heart to like anyone.
There's something I must do before that.
Something you must do?
- Later.
- What's that?
I'm sure there will be a chance for me to tell you later.
But not right now?
You don't have to stay awkward with Nam Da Jung.
But since people are watching, you need to be on guard.
I don't want you to get involved in rumors.
Do you like the Prime Minister?
How can he say something absurd like that?
Kwon Woo Ri!
This is like a pig pen!
He's into music?
I want to hold a meeting for the reporters coming to the office before the New Year.
Prime Minister?
You look tired.
Do you still have trouble sleeping?
No, that's not true.
Don't worry about it and keep going.
Excuse me.
Hello? 
Where are you?
Woo Ri's teacher?
Okay, I will keep the fact that Woo Ri is in a rock band a secret for him.
The Prime Minister will be really upset.
Why do I have to write five pages?
What medication is this?
Madam! 
Answer the phone.
It's Man Se's kindergarten.
I called because Man Se has been like that for a few days.
He's not playing with his friends.
And he's not practicing for the talent show.
Huh? 
Talent show?
Didn't you know that there's a talent show on Christmas Eve?
All of the parents must come.
Man Se! 
Do you want me to get you some bread?
Then ice cream?
How about strawberry ice cream?
No thanks.
This isn't good.
Here! 
Piggy back ride.
I want to give you a piggy back ride.
Hurry!
Man Se! 
Why didn't you tell me about your talent show?
Because Dad couldn't make it?
Is that why you wanted to quit kindergarten?
I don't know!
I'm not going to the talent show!
Why not? 
It's a lot of fun!
Your father, brother, sister, and I will all be there!
You're lying.
Dad is never going to come.
He never went to my brother's or my sister's.
That's not true.
If you ask him to come with an invitation card, I'm sure that he will come.
Really?
Talent show?
I don't have time for this.
I can't go.
Prime Minister! 
You can make time for an hour or two.
I don't have time for that.
It's obvious that I won't be able to make it. 
Should I lie?
- But still...
- Kwon Woo Ri!
What are you doing outside?
Come in right now!
Come with me.
- Why did you fight?
- Since when did you care?
You never cared!
Men can fight.
But I need to know why.
- Why did you fight?
- Fine!
I will tell you.
Park Hyun Seo teased me for having a young step-mother, so I hit him.
Is that all?
- That's all?
- No.
I just wanted to hit him, because I was pissed!
What?
You want me to be more honest?
I hit him because I was angry at you!
It's all because of you!
Ever since Mom got into that car accident seven years ago...
I never forgot her.
But not you!
That's why you got married again!
That's why I was angry at you!
Are you siding with him because he's your nephew?
He hit our son!
Will you stop? 
I'm sure Hyun Seo did something wrong too.
Would you have been like this had he been your real son?
What did you just say?
Did I say something wrong?
You don't care if he got first place or if he was beaten up.
Would you have not cared if he was your own son?
There's something your father asked me when I married you.
He's a child that was born by your mistake.
But your father asked me to think of him as my own son and never talk about it.
- Honey.
- I never said that he's not my son.
It was always you who brought it up.
You should think about if it's good for Hyun Seo.
Honey.
Ever since Mom got into that car accident seven years ago
I never forgot her for a second.
It must have been hard for Woo Ri because of his mom.
What are you doing?
Me?
It's Christmas present for Man Se.
You're better than me.
Wait! 
Are you feeling okay?
You look really tired.
I just have a headache.
It's nothing.
You're sweating!
Prime Minister!
You must have indigestion!
You must have indigestion because of Woo Ri. 
I will prick your finger.
No! 
I will just take medication.
- Go away!
- You can't depend on medication!
Let me see your hand.
Give me your hand.
You have a good body.
You said that I was a no-good-father.
- Huh?
- Am I that bad of a father?
You're not a bad father.
You're a busy father.
Someone too busy to care.
You seem to be too busy to care about the children.
You don't hug them either.
It's okay for Woo Ri and Na Ra. 
But you should give Man Se a lot of hugs.
They are still young.
You have to unclog what's clogged.
And untangle the tangled.
It hurts when you pop the infected wound, but it only heals then.
The wound will heal quickly if you do.
How many times more do you have to prick me?
That's strange.
It should be black blood, but I only see red blood.
Maybe it's not indigestion.
I told you!
It's not indigestion!
I have a headache!
Why did I even waste my time?
You're just a busy father.
Too busy to care.
You seem to be too busy to understand the children.
Hey!
But you should give Man Se a lot of hugs.
He's still too young.
How is Prime Minister Kwon doing?
Busy?
Really busy.
He says that he's sorry he couldn't come.
The color looks good on you.
That's why the ladies here just don't leave me alone.
It's driving me nuts!
Dad! 
Are you sure you're okay?
Are you worried about me again?
I'm not.
Is this all for my Christmas present?
What else do you want then?
You know exactly what I want.
You got married!
You should know what comes next!
When are you going to make babies?
Dad! 
I'm afraid someone will hear us! 
Be quiet!
I'm even having morning sickness for you.
It won't take too long.
Just make two whether they're boys or girls.
The man who follows Son-in-law Kwon.
He's the brother of that man!
He's Director Kang's brother?
What are you looking at?
You gave me the present!
You can go home now!
Aren't you going to be a good wife for him?
I have a big wife's project today actually.
You want to make stuffed animals?
I've been thinking since our last meeting.
What should I do to be a good chairwoman of the White Cafe?
There was only one answer.
Work hard.
So you asked us to come to make stuffed animals?
Yes!
The stuffed animals we make will be sent to the handicapped children all over the country.
So please work on every stitch with passion.
50 stuffed animals per person.
50?
Yes! 
50!
I don't want the hard work of you important people to go unnoticed.
So I brought them.
Please come out!
All of your good deeds will be reported exclusively on Scandal News!
Not exclusive! 
The best daily newspaper of Korea with tradition and history.
I'm reporter Kang from Korea Daily.
I'm here to report all of your good deeds.
It's on me today as the chairwoman.
Please eat as much as you like.
The warm sandwiches are really good.
Do we have to make the stuffed animals?
She even brought the reporters.
Isn't she something?
This is how she gets back at me.
Look here! 
Here!
Good! 
One, two, three!
Hands! 
Smile!
One, two, three!
On the morning of 24th, you have to start by visiting the traditional market.
Then you must visit orphanages, senior centers, and fire stations.
Can we end before six if we start earlier?
Before six?
Is there a particular reason?
I want to go to Man Se's kindergarten.
I haven't cared enough for the children.
That's a good idea.
- Also I'll get the same presents for the children.
- No.
You don't need to get them.
Da Jung will get the presents.
Nam Da Jung is?
I've been thinking after what happened with Minister Park.
Did I depend on you too much?
Is that why you keep on going over the line?
That's not true, Prime Minister.
That's not true.
Because...
Thank you for working hard for me.
And I'm sorry.
But from now on, I will try harder so that I don't rely on you too much.
You don't need to get them.
Da Jung will get the presents.
Really?
Did Dad really say that he's coming?
Yeah, really.
He promised that he will go to see the talent show.
I'm coming too!
Hooray!
- Yay.
- It's impossible.
He never came to mine.
I hate Dad!
I will never forgive him.
- Na Ra!
- Lady!
Let's make a Christmas Tree.
Should we?
He's even good at sewing.
Guys! 
Dress up! 
We have to go to Man Se's talent show.
- I'm not going.
- Me neither.
You can go.
Kwon Na Ra!
You're going to regret it if you don't go.
There's a present that you're going to regret not getting.
- What is it?
- Come to the talent show if you want to know.
I will give it to you then.
- And Kwon Woo Ri.
- What?
I know what you're doing.
You're in a rock band!
- How did you know?
- I have my ways.
You have a performance coming up. 
What would happen if your father finds out?
Performing without the lead vocal will be difficult.
- Are you making fun of me?
- Exactly! 
That's exactly what I'm doing.
You're coming right?
Yes, Prime Minister?
What?
What do you mean?
The President wants to visit my office suddenly.
What about Man Se?
What about Man Se then?
I will try my best, but I can't guarantee anything right now.
- Prime Minister!
- Prime Minister!
- The President is here.
- Okay.
I'll be right out.
I will call you back.
Go with the kids for now.
Hello? 
Hello?
He should keep his promise whether the President visits his office or not.
Can you please take the kids first?
I will go straight to the kindergarten.
What's with her?
Uncle! 
It's me.
Oh yeah?
Okay. 
I will call you back.
I'm sorry sir.
Prime Minister Kwon is poking around the International Harbor Center.
You don't need to worry about it, sir.
I will take care of it.
Of course.
I might have to get involved if you can't take care of it.
Do it right.
I got you here so that I could protect my assets.
You're a dog that protects my money.
That's your role.
Dogs are great because they are only loyal to one master.
But I cannot be a dog.
Honey?
Keep going.
There are times dogs bite their masters.
I'm telling you to be careful just in case.
I will get going first then.
Honey!
Dad! 
I told you to be nice to him!
I never told you to discourage him like this.
I hate you!
The current bills have been taken care of.
Prime Minister!
Let's have dinner together tonight.
I'm sorry, sir.
- I have to get going.
- Why?
You have plans?
I made a promise with my youngest son.
I don't want to disappoint him today.
Oh yes! 
It's Christmas Eve today.
Let's have that dinner next time.
How much time do I have?
- 20 minutes.
- I have the car ready. 
Let's go.
Prime Minister!
- How did you come here?
- I came here to get you!
You can't just cancel because the President came here!
I told you that I'll try my best!
This isn't a place for you to come!
We don't have enough time.
We have to go.
We have to go!
What about Dad and Da Jung?
They are coming! 
Don't worry.
Are they really coming? 
Are they?
Of course!
I bet 10,000 Won that he's not coming.
There's traffic because it's Christmas Eve.
It's already time!
What should we do?
I told you to pass the traffic regulation bill!
It makes sense to block an eight-lane-road just so that I could make it to the show?
But you're in a hurry right now!
That's when the rules are even more important.
It's so frustrating.
Why do I even bother?
You said that you know all the small roads in Seoul. 
Do you know a way?
No! 
Every street is jammed at this hour.
Oh no, Man Se.
- We should get off.
- What are we doing?
There's only one way when the traffic is bad.
Excuse me!
Excuse me! 
Excuse me!
You must go to the front car to shorten the walking distance.
Excuse me.
Yeah, it's the Prime Minister.
Good evening parents!
We will start the talent show!
[I saw Kwon Yool on the subway.]
[Kwon Yool is on the subway.]
You fell the wrong way.
We need to get off here.
Wait!
Prime Minister! 
Oh my goodness!
Prime Minister!
Oh no! 
I can't be late!
This is your fault! 
If I miss the performance, it's your fault.
What?
It's not important whose fault it is.
Oh no, Man Se.
It's the last show.
What's taking him so long?
You think he won't make it?
You thought he was coming?
He's not coming.
He wouldn't come.
Where's Dad and Na Jung?
Man Se! 
Let's get ready.
It's our turn next.
The Prime Minister promised that he would go no matter what.
I'm coming too!
Liar!
Dad and Na Jung are both liars.
Man Se is right there!
Man Se!
Dance!
Woo Ri, Na Ra! 
You said that you weren't coming!
I didn't come here for the present.
I'm here to see Man Se.
Prime Minister!
Can I take a picture with you?
Thank you!
Dad!
I have a meeting with my friends.
I had to leave without saying good bye.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, Merry Christmas Prime Minister.
Excuse me!
Is Kwon Yool here?
Not now.
Who are you?
Why are you looking for him?
I'm Seo Hye Joo.
Who are you then, Sunbae? 
(School senior)
Sunbae?
You look like you're in middle school.
How am I your Sunbae?
Because I'm coming to this school later.
So you're my Sunbae.
You're really outspoken.
I'm Park Joon Ki.
Nice to meet you, junior.
How did you...
It's snowing.
The forecast said it was going to rain.
Yeah, it's an unexpected present.
It's cute.
How can I wear this?
You will exchange letters with your brother someday.
May the Christmas miracle be with my guardian angel. 
Merry Christmas!
You've worked hard preparing all the presents for everyone.
It was half your work.
You helped me with sewing.
By the way...
How come there's no present for me?
Do you have one for me?
Did you get something?
Yeah, you're right.
Ta-da!
What is it?
Is it for me?
Bay Salt?
This is one of my books in my study.
How is this a present?
I will read this for you.
That's my present.
What?
You have insomnia right?
No wonder you're working all night.
Now that we're sharing a room, I need you to sleep for me to sleep as well.
So I will read you this book from now on.
Look here, Nam Da Jung!
I don't want that present at all.
You can't turn down such a generous offer!
Come here!
Right now!
Prime Minister.
Why can't you sleep?
Now you went too far.
Forget it.
Okay! 
Just stay.
I will start then.
A long time ago in Persia, a Sultan by the name of Sharia had lived.
The Sultan was shocked by the adultery of his Queen.
He got a new queen every night to heal his wound.
And every morning he killed his new wife.
Then one day, the wise daughter of the High Priest said to him...
'Father, please let me become the Queen of Sultan.'
Keep going.
Why aren't you reading?
Hate cannot eliminate misfortune.
Cruelty cannot eliminate rage.
You were the one who saved me.
You came to me to aide my sleep.
My Scheherazade.
Subtitles by DramaFever
Na Jung seemed special to you.
I just want to know why.
Hold onto the Prime Minister for 30 minutes. 
It's important!
They didn't notice, did they?
It's great to see you smile.
Why are you looking at me like that?
I don't hate you.
I just pity you.
Was it you who told Minister Park?
- I can't?
- What are you talking about?
This is boring.
Can you play something else?
About yesterday... 
I'm sorry. 
It's my fault.
You think you're their mother?
What you did wrong was reminding me of my wife.
Prime Minister! 
Wake up!
Prime Minister!

Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
- Hey, baby, why...
- Jesus, I'm sorry.
- You shot me!
- You're okay.
I'm really sorry.
Do you know a Ms. Erin Byrne?
Yeah, she works here.
She's one of our escorts.
She was found dead last night.
There's a warrant for your vehicle, Mr. Padilla.
The caller who spotted the body said they saw a Ford pickup truck drive away from the scene.
- DNA in Padilla's truck.
- Go find him.
My special investigator believed Ms. Byrne could tie the Byz-lat and the Sons of Anarchy to the gun that was used in the Count of Aquino shooting.
We need to find a bad guy, Lieutenant.
Someone, some crew has got to take the blame for the murder of these four children.
- How's Bobby?
- I got a feeling he's
- gonna patch out of Redwood.
- Nomads folded.
All you need is four members that don't have a home anymore.
- I'm pregnant.
- Oh, my God. 
That's wonderful.
- How's Jax with it?
- I just found out for sure...
I'll tell him tonight.
Are you certain about Wendy?
No, but I am certain about the alternative.
Oh, sorry. 
Uh...
- Do you need my help?
- If I said yes?
Then I'd say I'm gonna need to know all the facts.
Let's bring Connor into the Wahewa.
Get him to connect us to the Kings.
I got no choice, Gaalan.
I got to move us out of guns.
I'll take it back to the Kings.
Our history with the Sons of Anarchy has come to an end.
What delivery?
Beer.
Gemma must've ordered it.
- He gets what he wants, out of guns...
- Everyone out! 
Go!
...and ties severed.
I did this.
We're gonna fix this, brother.
You hear me?
Yeah.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's path ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
I know explosives when I smell 'em.
I can't tell you who.
But I can tell you why.
I'm trying to end a relationship.
Oh, then she's very pissed off.
Aye. 
She sure is.
Listen, fellas, now, I know everyone in this town always looked the other way at how the-the club earned.
The MC, well, you guys kept it small and safe.
Unser, Clay, they made it work.
It's not working anymore.
Last couple of years, everything that SAMCRO does, it comes back to haunt them.
And everybody knows that now.
Do you think anybody is gonna come here to get their vehicle worked on anymore?
That's my burden.
LT, Gemma Teller's down at the station.
She's making a scene about seeing Padilla.
And that's your burden.
I'm headed in.
Now, I know that this was the IRA.
Is there something else that I should know?
I'm trying to put an end to this shit.
I'm trying to put us on the right side of things, but it's gonna take a minute.
I'm afraid your minute might've ran out in that classroom last week.
Look, I know you're a good cop.
We done a few rounds together, but I never tried to buy you and
I'm not asking you to look the other way.
I'm trying to be straight with you here.
If you press the club on this, if you crawl up our ass right now, it's not gonna help either one of us or this town.
I'm sorry that this happened.
We're gonna make sure none of this shit ever happens again.
I can tell you guys really believe that.
I'm just not sure I do.
Good luck with my mom.
I just want to go in there and make sure he's okay!
He's not allowed any visitors.
Come on!
This is bullshit!
Look, you can talk to his lawyer later.
- Idiots!
- Gemma, come on.
Whoa. 
Whoa! 
Hey!
Wait a minute, Gemma. 
Just hang on.
Whoa, Gemma.
- Gemma, enough.
- Come on, Gemma.
- Hey!
- Stop it! 
Stop it now!
- Hey! 
Hey! 
Hey!
- Okay, all right!
All right!
How's it going?
Okay.
Just, uh, you know, thought I'd come by and say hi.
Hi.
What am I gonna do with you?
I'm sorry.
You okay?
I guess.
Haven't slept.
Anybody hurt over there?
Oh, no. 
No.
Freaked out but no one got hurt.
Shit.
That was a first for me, mama.
Goddamn.
Yeah, I know.
I don't want you to go away, baby.
The state may have other ideas about that.
I mean away from me.
I know you want to get away from the MC.
And after last night, I'm sure you're feeling the crush of that.
I want to be with you, Nero.
I do.
But I-I need to be there for my family.
Especially now.
I want to figure a way to do both.
Just need some time.
You might have 20 to life.
Those charges are bullshit.
And they are gonna find a way to prove that.
I hope so.
Where's Tara?
With the boys in your old room.
Did we hear anything yet?
Well, talked to Belfast.
They're whole.
All the other charters, too.
See if they're ready?
Aye.
Hey.
How's he doing?
I don't know.
He didn't sleep.
Wouldn't eat anything.
We're heading up to Chester.
Sitting down with the Northwest.
Letting them know why this happened.
Okay.
I'm gonna go to St. Thomas and get an ultrasound.
Is there something wrong?
No. 
I don't think so.
It's just a precaution.
Jesus.
You got a long-distance call, Jax.
All right.
Hey, stay.
We're all here.
The council is prepared to offer you terms for your betrayal.
Our betrayal?
That's right.
A peaceful transition.
Or we do what we did yesterday to every clubhouse between here and San Bernardino.
What terms?
Clay will be handling the distribution of our guns in
Northern California.
How is none of your concern.
What is your concern is facilitating that transition, making sure all your buyers are on board.
And you won't be taking a percentage.
You wanted out... that includes profit as well.
Understood?
We'll have to take a vote.
I don't give a shit about your democracy.
Are we understood?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Understood.
Glad to hear that, Jackson.
Really?
'Cause your plan was to blow up our clubhouse with a full table, so forgive me if I have a little trouble believing you're glad to hear anything from me.
We regret being pushed to such desperate measures.
Let's make sure that never happens again.
All of us here can live with that.
I'm not sure everyone at your table feels the same way.
We all want the same thing, Jax.
No, we don't.
I'll cut Connor and your other guys loose.
They're still alive?
Yeah.
I told you.
I didn't want a war.
Aye.
I'll move forward with Clay.
I say we keep Connor for a couple more days.
Make sure this peace shit is real.
Is that what you all want?
Yeah. 
Yeah.
At least a couple days.
- Makes sense.
- Okay.
Tacoma's still at the barn.
Let's keep them there until we get back.
Uh, Jax, Rogue River, Indian Hills, Eureka, Moab,
Tacoma... all officers are confirmed.
All right.
Let's go.
Have a nice day.
At home.
Eat me.
Police escort?
Don't ask.
How's Nero?
Not very hopeful.
I'm sorry.
I know, baby.
You guys headed north?
Yeah.
I need Clay to know what happened.
I want him to take that Irish deal.
Another conjugal?
No, you don't need privacy for this message.
Just a simple "move forward."
Okay.
Come here.
I'm here.
I'll go see Clay.
Uh, you let me know if there's anything else I can do.
Just... keep an eye on Tara.
- Make sure she's not alone.
- Of course.
Come on.
Give me your hand.
- Where you heading?
- St. Thomas.
I'm gonna put the boys in day care and work with Lowen on the trial.
Okay.
How's that looking?
Not so good.
Sorry.
You and Unser seem to be bonding.
Yeah.
- Wayne!
- Ah, morning!
Hi.
Hey! 
Oh, easy, buddy.
Oh! 
Whoa.
Bye.
Ow, I got me a little Nazi owie here.
Go on. 
Let's get in the truck.
I can drive.
- I took the insurance...
- What the hell happened last night?
Residue tests will be back in a couple of days, but it had to be a bomb.
- Plastics most likely.
- Anybody talking?
Teller indicated it was about ending a relationship.
My guess? 
He pissed off his supplier.
IRA?
Well, they love to blow shit up.
Padilla was processed?
He's with his lawyer.
Come here.
Okay.
You're not gonna want to hear this.
Then don't say it.
I know the DNA was a match, but I don't like Padilla for the murder.
It's too neat.
I think he was set up.
Well, as much as I appreciate a good hunch, I'm gonna stick to the concrete, scientific evidence for now.
I need to make some calls.
Okay.
- Oh. 
Uh... 
Do you want to...
- Yes.
- Okay.
- Thanks.
Bye, guys.
See you later.
- We're gonna have fun.
- Bye-bye.
You doing okay, sweetheart?
I guess.
It's just surreal to me, Wayne.
I don't know what's more frightening, the violence getting worse or my ability to simply take it in stride.
- I see how living this way can make you...
- Gemma?
You give any more thought to my offer?
Yeah.
I might need your help.
I can't tell you everything.
Why not start with what you can?
If I have to go to jail, I am not letting my boys stay in Charming.
Jax is their dad.
I'm filing for divorce.
Asking for full custody.
Who gets the boys if you go inside?
Hey.
I heard about the explosion.
The boys are fine.
I'm-I'm so sorry I didn't call you.
- Shit. 
What happened?
- What do you think?
Is everyone else okay?
Gemma?
She's fine.
You should check up on her, build the trust.
Yeah, okay.
This is exactly why we need to stay on task, Wendy.
If I go away, I need you to take those boys out of here before something else blows up.
- Okay.
- Wayne knows.
He's... here to help us.
Yeah.
All right.
Abel's in day care.
I told him his friend Wendy was coming back to play with him.
- He was very excited.
- Yeah?
Okay.
Thanks.
You're, uh... you're spinning a lot of plates there, sweetheart.
Yeah.
Shit.
Hey, pull over.
We all clean?
Yeah, Rat's got all the hardware.
Welcome to paradise, boys.
Had a little trouble catching up to you.
You know, the speed limit's 55 on our road here.
Yeah, sorry about that.
Guess we were just enjoying the scenery.
- Where you headed?
- To Chester.
- Hmm. 
From where?
- Sanwa. 
Charming.
Well, I don't know what the laws are in Charming, but here, in Eden, wearing those gang colors, that's illegal.
We're not a gang; we're a club.
The Rotary, Knights of Columbus, 4-H... those are clubs.
Rockers and reapers suggest something else.
Officer, we didn't mean any disrespect, you know?
We know you got a beautiful place here.
Yes, we do. 
And we intend to keep it that way.
Let's see some ID.
We had a big robbery last week.
Bikes stolen off a truck headed for a Butte County Harley dealer.
A few Dynas, half a dozen baggers.
- None of these bikes are new.
- Or stolen.
No, it looks like you got some recent modifications though.
Yeah, we own a garage, do the work ourselves.
Ah, good for you.
Tell you what. 
I'm gonna do you a solid, okay?
I'm gonna have the bikes picked up.
We'll run the serials for anything aftermarket.
Make sure no one sold you any stolen parts.
Look, you made your point, man.
We won't come through Eden again.
We got a family thing we really need to get to.
I feel you, pres.
I do.
But I got a job to do.
And what job is that?
That some kind of tribal shit?
You supposed to be a warrior, son?
No.
I'm just a guy who knows a coward when I see one.
Okay, look, I'm sorry.
We're all just a little road weary.
He didn't mean no disrespect.
Dispatch wants us at exit 126.
CHP request.
Oh. 
Okay.
You call Pagone?
Yeah.
Flatbed's on the way.
- Really? 
Come on.
- Oh, really? 
Really?
Just write us up for speeding, get your quota.
Eden doesn't have quotas.
You fellas, uh, you're all about the brotherhood, right?
Loyalty? 
That kind of shit?
That's good.
What? 
Are you serious?
- Hey, don't be stupid.
- That's right.
Everything's cool, man.
All right?
My partner and I, we got to head out.
I want you boys to sit here and wait for impound and backup to arrive.
This right here?
That's where you can pick up your bikes.
Yeah, if there's anything left.
We know you wouldn't desert a brother, would you?
Juice!
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Knock it off!
Enough, Juice, enough!
Juice!
Juice!
Juice, stop! 
Happy!
Okay, you better think twice about this move!
Assaulting a cop gets you killed in this town!
And we know who you are!
Yeah, and we know a scam when we see one!
That's right we do.
I've seen Smokey and the Bandit a thousand times!
Love that movie.
You scumbags are done.
- You won't make it out of...
- Juice! 
Stop!
Enough! 
Enough!
Let's go.
We should go now.
Come on, Juice, come on!
Come on!
Come on, good buddy, let's go!
Go, go, go, go, go!
The hell is he doing?
He's jamming us up!
Go around him!
Juice!
Come on!
Holy shit!
- You all right?
- Yeah, you?
- I'm good.
- Good.
Hell yeah, man!
Juice! 
Juice! 
Juice!
That boy ain't right!
Yeah!
I talked to Barosky.
No APB, no POI call.
No one's looking for us.
Which means they were dirty.
Most of the stolen parts come from Butte and Plumas County, bro.
Guess the cops feed the pipeline.
Pull over anything dirty or dark.
So what do you want to do about our friends in Eden?
Claim our property.
Good.
I'll get a 20 on this chop shop.
Great. 
Get on it, Tiggy.
Hey.
Good to see you, Jax.
You, too, Jury.
That flash looks good on your chest.
Just trying to live up to it, you know?
He asked to come.
I figured it made sense.
It's all good.
- What's up, bro?
- Been a long time, boss.
Good to see you, brother.
You, too.
Glad you came.
Can you give me some time afterwards?
I got something I want to talk to you about.
It's important.
Sure.
Good.
- Who's this guy?
- Who's that? 
Who's that?
Who's this guy?
!
Who is this guy?
You never call, you never write.
You doing okay?
I know there's nothing to do about it now, but the shit that those guards did, it's not gonna go unpunished.
- Irish blew up the clubhouse.
- What?
!
They smuggled in C-4 in a beer delivery.
Jesus Christ.
Is... is everybody whole?
Yeah.
What do you want me to do?
Jax said to move forward with the offer.
Needs you inside that circle.
Right.
That makes sense.
What else?
In County... that marshal that was pulling the strings... you got any sense of him?
You know, just how far he was willing to go?
What's it matter?
Otto killed him.
Nero was arrested on the murder of one of his girls.
It was bullshit.
Evidence was planted.
He's thinking maybe Toric set him up, use him as leverage against the club.
You think he was capable of crossing that line?
You asking me to help clear your boyfriend?
Considering I rode your cock yesterday for that creep show, didn't say shit to Jax... 
I was thinking maybe you owe me one.
Toric was completely warped.
He'd do anything to hurt the MC.
I don't know if he was always that unhinged, or losing his sister pushed him there.
The shit he did to Otto...
beating and raping him like clockwork... threatened to do the same thing to me.
What Otto did... was to save me as much as himself.
I want to say thank you for making the ride.
It means a lot to me to have a full table.
I'm certain you have questions and doubts.
That's what this meeting is for.
I know every charter is independent.
You run them as you want.
But I also know, the things we do in Redwood, especially here in the Northwest, impact your local relationships and affect the way you earn.
Some of you knew my old man.
Some just knew his legacy.
It's no secret that he was conflicted at the end.
Questioned every decision he'd ever made.
About the club.
About his family.
That fear, that doubt...
it ruined him.
Made him vulnerable.
I'm here to tell you that I'm not following that path.
The choices that I make are not because I'm afraid, or because
I have any doubts about this club.
I watched my best friend get his head caved in to protect what we have here.
We've all watched brothers die in the service of this club.
There's two things you can do when that happens.
You can run from the pain, bail.
Or you can allow it to burn into your heart... to leave its mark.
A constant reminder of the love that brought us all here.
Sons of Anarchy...
it's at a crossroads.
Our clubhouse blowing up last night... that's a sign of the times.
The end result of a bloody relationship with the IRA.
It'd be easy for me to sit here and blame our mistakes on my predecessor, but that won't solve shit.
We don't need blame.
What we need, boys, is change.
I want us out of guns.
The RICO heat, the competition, the Irish blowback.
It's just not practical.
Between the lawyers and repairing the damage, we barely earn a profit.
I'm gonna move Redwood into more legitimate enterprises.
Diosa... it's doing great.
We're earning real money.
We're gonna open another house in Stockton.
We're going to reboot Caracara.
Just found a warehouse down by the docks.
So, I guess it's fair to say that SAMCRO's future is in pussy, not bullets.
We struck a deal with the Irish.
One that keeps the peace.
But that transition means we all take a hit.
Now, I know everyone here has had a taste of the gun business, whether it's in protection, storage or distribution.
It's gonna sting at first, letting go of that cash.
But if we don't...
I'm telling you... this club won't have a future.
We've had 20 members killed in the last two years.
All of those deaths tied to the gun business.
Outside of guns, how you earn is up to you.
But, if you would like, my charter will do everything it can to help you move in a legitimate direction.
A direction that keeps us out of jail, that keeps us whole and that keeps us alive.
Yeah!
Really?
Are you kidding me?
Got to talk to your boss.
Come on. 
Let's get this.
Gemma, seriously.
Come on!
Hey, Gemma! 
Hey!
Tell me as fast as you can.
I'll call you back.
- Who are you?
- My question, also.
It's okay, you guys.
Gemma, what the hell are you doing here?
- Who's this?
- District Attorney Patterson.
She's prosecuting Nero's case.
Gemma Teller Morrow.
- Padilla's...
- Old lady.
And Jax Teller's mother.
Didn't know there was an old-lady connection, too.
Yeah, well, there's a lot of shit you don't know.
You mind if I share?
Nero was set up.
That marshal, Toric.
He told Clay he would do anything to hurt the club.
He was having Otto Delaney raped every day to punish him for what he did to his sister, and then, he threatened to do the same thing to Clay.
That's why Otto killed Toric.
Couldn't take it anymore.
That marshal was nuts.
Nero would never hurt one of his girls.
He was with me the entire night.
Next morning, he went to church.
I know you want to find the devil who put the gun in that boy's hand.
It wasn't Nero.
Then who was it?
Toric was on your payroll.
If anybody finds out that he set up Padilla, that's gonna look like the call of a desperate boss pressing for leverage.
You might want to get in front of that.
Lieutenant?
Let's check his hotel.
Paid for the month up front.
Showed me his badge.
I didn't know he was killed.
Sorry to hear that.
We need to talk to anyone who's cleaned the room.
He didn't want maid service. 
He didn't want anyone in his room.
Said he was working on a case or something.
All right, thanks.
Let me know when you're done.
Yeah.
Smell that?
- Bleach.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh. 
Guns.
Check the bags.
Yup.
That's a guy expecting trouble.
Or looking to cause it.
Why don't you check out the the bathroom?
Hmm.
- Spotless.
- Yeah?
It's been showered in bleach.
Hmm.
Hey.
Damn.
Linoleum underneath.
These are definitely bullet holes.
Oh, shit.
Call CSU, get 'em down here.
Found a bag of pharmaceuticals and a set of works.
You know, that Toric was a few kinds of sick.
Linoleum is porous.
We should be able to pull DNA.
Now, I know that you want to find leverage to tie Nero and the Sons to your school shooting, but I'm sorry, ma'am.
He did not kill Erin Byrne.
We won't know that until we get the DNA.
That could take days.
All we know right now is that Toric was on medication, he liked to live germ-free, and he discharged a weapon.
Padilla gets processed.
Murder charge sticks.
Hey.
You tell me what the hell that was today?
Was kind of just doing it before I even realized what was going on.
You don't have anything to prove, Juice.
We're good.
Yeah.
I'm not sure Chibs feels the same way.
Ah.
I'm guessing he'll be healed by the time your face is.
No more cowboy shit.
Sure. 
Okay.
- Hey, babe.
- Hi.
How'd it go... the baby?
The ultrasound was fine.
Oh, thank God.
Yeah.
You know this one's a girl, right?
Why do you say that?
I just got a feeling.
She's gonna be strong and beautiful, like her mom.
Oh, maybe.
How's Abel doing?
His appetite's back.
How's it going there?
Good, good.
I let everyone know we're out of guns, what our plans are.
They all get it.
- Every charter's on board.
- Oh, that's great.
Hi.
Hey, Lowen just arrived.
Okay.
And get home safe.
Yeah, I will. 
I love you.
Me, too. 
Bye.
You're here early.
I got a call from the DA's office.
Patterson wants to meet, offer you some sort of deal.
- When?
- Now.
She's on her way here.
Well, I don't need a deal.
We have a plan.
You have a plan for Jax, for the boys, for Wendy.
You need a plan for Tara.
Let's hear what she has to say.
Okay?
I'm glad I came.
That was some powerful stuff in there.
Thanks.
See you posse'd up.
That your Nomad crew?
I guess that's the buzz around the charters.
We gossip more than teenage girls.
That your transfer?
Not mine.
Quinn, Montez and West.
Hopper got spooked by the explosion.
He's out.
You've been recruiting for SAMCRO?
Yeah.
We'll ride back with you.
Club can vote on it when we get to Charming.
I ripped that flash off because I didn't know how to help you that way anymore.
I handpicked these guys, because they're loyal, they're smart, they got families, they're hardworking, and their priorities are in the right place.
It's exactly what this charter needs.
This ain't no kind of power grab.
I got no interest in the gavel or a new patch.
This is because I love this club.
And I love you.
I'm aware Toric made a run at you in County.
I'm sorry if his methods were questionable, but he was not working for me at the time.
But you both want the same thing.
Tara.
Toric wanted vengeance.
I want justice.
The process to get to those two things might feel the same, but the motivation is very different.
Like when you gave Otto Delaney the crucifix.
I don't believe your motivation was vengeance.
We're not here to discuss the alleged details.
Do you have something to offer or not?
The doctor already knows my offer.
A loving mother for a dangerous husband.
What's best for the boys?
This is bullshit.
When you have something real, put it in writing.
You're not really going to go to jail for him?
- Leave your children?
- Don't answer that. 
We're done.
- I love my husband.
- Tara?
I know who he is and what he does.
Then you know it's not you who deserves to be in jail.
Full immunity for the proof of the gunrunning.
It's the only offer you'll get.
Dr. Gordon...
- You okay?
- Yeah.
I need you to think about that offer, Tara.
I know how much you love Jax.
No, you don't.
The betrayal of love has boundaries.
Ones that I have to live with.
I don't need to think about an offer.
Okay.
Hey, Gem.
- Did you see Nero?
- Yeah.
How is he?
On his way to County.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, but he ain't gonna be there long.
We just got to help Jax to keep this place up and running until he gets out, okay?
I know.
Anything I can help you with?
Yeah.
Friend of Nero's came in looking for him.
Seemed pretty upset.
I didn't know what I should tell her.
Said she wanted to wait, so, I put her in his room.
One of Nero's girls?
Um... yes and no.
Hey, Eric. 
How are you?
Oh, I'm... 
I'm so sorry, darling.
If-if you're looking for Nero, he's not back yet.
Wow.
Oh.
Yes. 
At the very least.
Oh.
Thank you, Gem.
Sure.
I knew Nero had himself a new lady.
I just didn't realize she was so substantial.
Yeah, that's me, the substantial one.
That's much better.
- Um...
- Oh, wait.
- Here, I'll take it.
- Thank you.
Darling, I am so sorry to hear about Nero's incarceration.
I-I know him.
That man would never raise a hand to a woman.
Yeah, I know.
What's your connection...
to Nero?
How do you know him?
Oh, it was from another life, darling.
Before the...
the transformation?
Oh, um... yes.
Back in the days of young Vincent Noone.
My darling mother, Alice, was one of Nero's best, um, uh... street performers.
Um, unfortunately, her ability to drain semen from the front seat of a parked car far exceeded her ability to raise a boy of questionable orientation.
I was, uh, 15 when Miss Alice checked into the North Cali
Women's Facility for an extended holiday.
Nero was the one who took me in, kept the wolves from my door.
He never asked me for anything.
He was, uh... my guardian angel.
And, um... what's this?
More wolves at your door?
Oh, I, uh... 
I'm afraid I-I ran smack into a low-hanging branch of my gnarled family tree.
I... 
I didn't quite know where to go, and before I knew it, I was, uh... 
I was here.
Come here.
You're safe.
You are safe here.
Come on, come on.
All right. 
Me and Hap.
Rest of you guys stay close.
Montez, watch the bikes.
Enough!
We're closed.
Hey, an Eden cop told me to give you this.
What kind of car is it?
- Shit!
- You alone?
- Mm, yeah.
- Uh, keys.
Come on!
- I got him, I got him.
- Oh.
Come here, mate, come here.
- Tiggy?
- Yeah.
- Find Juice's bike.
- Rat.
This okay with you, Mom?
Blow me, boy.
Hey! 
Hey!
That's my bike.
- Hey, Juice!
- Hey, Juicy!
Hey, hey! 
Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
- It ain't right.
- That's new.
- Yeah.
- Jax?
You got to see this in the garage, man.
- Phew.
- Oh, snap.
I checked the stickers.
They're brand-new.
All of 'em are going to Bernacchi Harley in Butte County, Jax.
Wow.
What do you want to do, boss?
What you're supposed to do when you find stolen merchandise.
Call the police.
Sorry, no deal, all right?
Understood.
Thank you.
Time to go hood, sister.
Tell your lawyer I'll be moving up the trial date three weeks.
And I'll be prosecuting the case myself.
See you in court, Doctor.
Pagone?
What the hell's going on?
PJ!
In here.
Shit.
No need for guns, boys.
We're all friends now.
They made me call you.
Yes, we did.
We also took pictures of all these vehicles, just in case we need to return them to their rightful owners.
Did you know that these are the bikes that you said were stolen?
And we found them all here.
I mean, how crazy is that?
What do you want?
First of all, leaving all this shit here... that's just stupid and lazy.
Yeah, if you're gonna go outlaw, boys, use half a brain.
I mean, you're making us all look bad.
Which one do you want, Juicy?
This one is good.
He's gonna take Liberace's bike.
Don't worry.
We'll change the numbers ourselves.
What I need you to do is make sure that none of the shit that happened today comes back to bite us in the ass, or all of this goes very public.
Okay. 
Yeah.
And... 
I need you both to apologize to all my guys for your behavior today.
You got to be kidding me.
Do you think I'm kidding?
Sorry for my behavior today.
Sorry for my behavior today.
Yeah.
Sorry for my behavior today.
It is good to be back.
Sorry for my behavior today.
Sorry for my behavior today.
Sorry for my behavior today.
- Sorry for my behavior...
Why isn't he waking up?
The MRI showed damage to his brain stem.
Seeing that he is still in a comatose state
I suspect diffuse axonal injury from cephalic trauma.
Just tell me when he's going to be okay.
Yes.
Since he was young and healthy...
My guess is that he will wake up in a few days without stress disorder.
But when he passes that period, it can get serious.
It looks optimistic for now.
So please stop worrying.
And let his body heal, sir.
- You should go.
- Take care of him.
What?
I heard you made a contract with Cheon Song Yi.
Yes, I did.
I'll be managing every detail of Cheon Song Yi's schedule.
But don't worry.
I will not get rid of her, because of you.
What?
Did you come to tell me that?
What do you think will happen if I told the world about you?
This accident put not only Cheon Song Yi but your brother in danger.
Tell them.
But you're someone the world cannot accept.
If my identity is revealed, so will yours.
Which one would be more shocking?
You're scarier than a serial killer to the people.
A monster.
How many were there?
Cheon Song Yi, Han Yoo Ra...
How many people have you killed or tried to kill?
Why take the risk?
You already have so much.
Do Min Joon.
Listen carefully.
There are many people in the world.
But only few are needed.
The rest are unnecessary.
Like pests.
And sometimes, one of those pests gets on my nerve.
Then the right thing to do is to eliminate them.
Only then we can evolve.
That's not evil.
It's for the common good.
And in my perspective, you are much needed.
Only if you change your mind...
Then everyone can be happy.
You will lend me your power.
And I will have your back.
Then we're invincible.
Of course, Cheon Song Yi, the person you want to protect so much will be safe.
How is that?
I will think about it.
Under the condition that you won't touch anyone.
Yes.
I understand that you lack faith in me for now.
Think about it.
Because I will honor my word this time.
She will get engaged with Hee Kyung!
Wake up!
Wake up!
Let me sleep just a bit longer.
Wake up!
Sweetheart! 
I got the bell pepper and olive oil.
Good job!
What are you doing, Sweetheart?
I'm making an omelette. 
But it's burnt.
I like my eggs burnt.
Really? 
That's good.
Stop it!
Stop it! 
Stop it, don't do that.
She says it tickles!
She says to stop!
Stop it!
It tickles!
It's so sweet.
Oh yeah?
- Bye!
- Okay.
I'm going to miss you.
I got you fried chicken and beer!
She won't have a problem with her daily life.
But you've received surgery for organ damage.
There's a risk for bleeding and secondary infections.
You also had pulmonary edema.
Stay away from aerobic exercises that make you breathe hard.
If she experiences fever or have pain in the gut, immediately return to the hospital.
Okay. 
Thank you.
Thank you, doctor.
See? 
He says no exercising.
And you want to shoot the movie again?
It's okay! 
I just have to be careful.
I need to make a comeback for you to see me on TV, big screen, and in the papers.
Song Yi, if it's for money...
I've been thinking a lot.
A human can live for what? 
100 years max?
Most people don't get to live 100 years.
But how much time in that life am I doing something I really want to do?
Or the time I eat something I really want to eat?
Talking with the people I love?
Or the time I speak from my heart?
The time I can hold my dad's hand like this?
We have a lot to make up compared to other people.
I want to hold onto your hand for a long time.
I'm going to be in acting for a long time because I love it.
I'll have to watch out for the calories.
But I will try to eat all the good food in the world.
I'll just think that I died once when I fell from that wire.
I'm going to spend the rest of the time given wisely.
The director called.
They will use a double for the wire scene.
He asked if you can resume tomorrow.
Are you going to be okay?
Where's Yoon Jae by the way?
Did he even say hi to you?
He keeps on avoiding you.
I need to get going.
Song Yi, I will see you soon.
I will come back.
Come back soon.
Promise?
Oh, Song Yi really doesn't like it.
But all of our staff is ready.
But still...
She said that it's too much.
Hi.
She did say that...
But what she's going to do?
Everyone is here already.
Hi! 
I'm Cheon Song Yi's mommy!
It's great to work with you.
Leave it to us and go.
We will take care of Cheon Song Yi.
Right? 
I think it's better without me.
I'll count on you then.
Mom, I said no!
Just tell them to leave!
Hello? 
Mom?
What the heck? 
I thought the car was here.
- Get in.
- Oh!
Do Min Joon, my next door neighbor!
Why thank you, but someone is picking me up.
That someone left.
What? 
Why?
I told them to go.
- Did you confirm it?
- Yes.
He said that the termination fee was transferred.
You can go now.
The contract between SC and Cheon Song Yi has been terminated.
I already sent the documents over.
- But still...
- I'm Cheon Song Yi's legal representative.
You cannot escort an actress who is no longer under your contract.
If you keep on doing this, I can claim a court order to have you stay away.
Leave.
How did you send them?
Why do you care?
I said no! 
I'm going to count to three! 
Let go!
One! 
Two! 
Three! 
Three and a half!
Let me hear the reason.
Why are you doing this to me?
You said that you needed a manager.
I'll be your manager.
My Manager From Another Star?
What do I pay you with?
Meteorites?
Solar power?
- Stop messing around.
- Mess what?
Mr. Do Min Joon!
Haven't you noticed me speaking formally to keep a distance from you?
I don't think we're close enough for you to speak informally.
Speak formally to me from now on.
Do you even know how much older I am?
Why do you want to be my manager all of a sudden?
Interested because I'm a celebrity?
Bored because your winter classes ended?
Or do you want to see if there's any connection with that girl in the past?
Whatever suits you.
Don't follow me.
It's uncomfortable.
Come when you're done.
I'll be waiting.
No, Do Min Joon.
Don't wait.
Go.
- Cheon Song Yi, I...
- Do Min Joon.
We are nobodies to each other.
You said so yourself.
There is nothing between us.
You said that you dislike me.
Then act like it.
Let's go.
- Wait.
- Okay.
Are you feeling better?
Yeah.
I heard that Hee Kyung is not awake yet.
He will wake up soon.
The doctor said that.
What? 
Should I have gotten hurt so badly that I wouldn't get up?
Are you unhappy because I'm here?
I'm tired. 
So can you let me go?
A few days before the accident...
Hee Kyung said to me...
That he doesn't want to see me even as a friend.
He said that he won't see me.
He said that he doesn't want to make me unhappy.
Because...
He is unhappy from liking you.
Can you understand why I hate you?
How could you understand?
Hee Kyung may be a good friend to you.
To me he was...
The one thing I wanted even if I had to lose everything.
And that one person was only looking at you.
What could I have done?
In your eyes, when you had everything without even a chance to be jealous...
I may have looked like I lived in a nasty slum hole because I hated and coveted things behind your back.
But I...
Cheon Song Yi...
When Hee Kyung jumped to catch you from the fall
I had prayed that I died instead of him.
I'm sure Hee Kyung felt the same.
That's why he jumped.
And that made me finally give up.
So Cheon Song Yi.
Let me ask you for a favor.
Can't you embrace Hee Kyung?
- Yoo Se Mi.
- Hee Kyung is unhappy because he can't have you.
But you won't be unhappy just from staying with Hee Kyung.
He will love and cherish you for the rest of your life.
Can't one of us be happy at least?
- Director Lee.
- Long time no see.
Detective.
May I have a word?
There are too many people watching.
Okay.
You're only a witness, so by the book we should have sent a formal notice.
So thank you for your cooperation.
You're welcome.
Let's get started.
What do you want to know?
What?
Why was Jae Kyung called in?
Did it have to do with his ex-wife?
Call our connections in the prosecution service.
Look into it and make sure the press doesn't find out.
If it weren't for Hee Kyung, I could have died.
Yes, I heard.
Have you told anyone about that other than the detective?
No, except for Hee Kyung.
Yeah?
I thought you were in a coma.
What if I tell the world about your identity?
What do you think will happen?
Not only did you put Cheon Song Yi in danger, you also put your brother in danger.
Tell them!
But the world cannot accept you.
If my identity is revealed, so will yours.
Which one will be more shocking?
You're scarier than a killer to the people.
A monster.
How many were there?
Cheon Song Yi, Han Yoo Ra...
How many people have you killed or tried to kill?
Okay we're starting!
Excuse me! 
Excuse me!
Excuse me! 
I'm Cheon Song Yi.
When do I go?
The earlier scenes are taking longer.
You will have to wait for a while.
Then you should've told me!
What?
It would have been better if you told me.
But everyone was so busy.
You should wait inside.
It will take a couple of hours.
A couple of hours?
Good! 
I love waiting in the cold weather to shoot one scene.
This is the first time it happened to me.
It's quite refreshing.
Cut! 
Okay, that's good.
Director, Scene 28 is a day scene.
We can't shoot it now, because it's dark.
Is that Cheon Song Yi's?
Tell her that it's postponed.
Okay.
- Good work, Director.
- Se Mi!
I liked the emotions you could show us today.
Is it from dating?
I'm not dating.
The scene tomorrow is...
- Okay we're done for the day!
- Thank you!
Kid! 
Tell Cheon Song Yi that her scene got canceled.
Okay.
What's the schedule for tomorrow?
Tomorrow?
Good work.
What the heck?
It's cold.
Hello?
Excuse me?
No one's here?
Hello?
Did everyone just leave me here?
Really?
But I'm Cheon Song Yi!
Unbelievable!
I told you to leave.
- I said I'd wait.
- Why?
Why wait for me?
I have to...|
I have to...
protect you.
Protect what?
I'm too stupid to understand without specifics.
Tell me so that I can understand why you're doing this.
Are you a player?
Or are you having fun confusing me?
After this you're going to say that you're sorry that you confused me.
That I look like your ex or whatever.
You made a fool out of me.
You said you never liked me once!
You never liked me or had your heart flutter for me...
Or wholeheartedly worry about me.
You said that you never pictured the future with me.
You said that I was a replacement for her!
Just in case you didn't get this, let me make this clear.
Now I dislike you too.
I dislike you even more because you do this.
So get out of my sight, I mean my life.
Please.
Also...
Know how selfish you are.
What are you doing?
It's the most selfish thing I can do to you.
Subtitles by DramaFever
It must be broken.
Are you Cheon Song Yi's father?
And you are?
Cheon Song Yi missed you a lot.
If you are there for her when she wakes up, she will like it a lot.
Are you a close friend?
I...
I like her a lot.

- Here's to having nothing to celebrate.
- Actually, today's my birthday.
- Like I said, nothing to celebrate!
- Hey, where's malloy?
- Eh, he couldn't be here.
He got tied up.
- I'm going to get woody for this.
Oh, god!
Why are you looking at me like that?
[dog grunts]
That is an odd place to keep your lipstick.
- What's the matter, buddy?
Are you still bummed
About your episode of intervention?
- Steve, we're here because we all love you,
But you've got to stop jizzing inside us.
- I'm sorry.
It just feels so good.
- Feels good?
I'm stiff as a board, you freaky bastard!
- Nah, it's ethel.
You know how much I like her,
But she won't give me the time of day.
Now she's dating the ceo of skymall.
What does he have that I don't?
- Telephone shoes?
[dialing]
- You're right.
I don't stand a chance.
- Steve, you got to get women when they're down.
That's what I do, literally.
I get life alert calls forwarded to my phone.
[cell phone beeps]
- I've fallen, and I can't get up!
- See if you can slip your panties off.
I'll be there in a minute.
- It may look like an ordinary fan-cooled solar safari hat,
But it's also a litter box.
[cat meows] skymall!
- That's amazing.
I was just telling a friend that I wish I had a hat
That a cat could shit in.
- Skymall!
- Listen, I know we've only been on a couple of dates,
But I see a real future for us.
- I thought you might say that.
That's why I got you this.
- [gasps] oh, my god!
The answer is ye-- 
- It's the world's smallest white noise machine.
- What?
But what about us?
- We're done.
I'm not ready to settle down.
But you can set this to heavy rain
To mask the sound of your tears.
- You're breaking up with me?
- Skymall!
- Give me that.
- Steve, now's your chance.
Ethel's lower than abe vigoda's left nut.
- Her next bottle's on me.
- No, I'll call you, I promise.
We just [bleep] in the bathroom.
I'm out!
- Are you sure you're okay to drive?
- Are you sure you're okay to mind your own goddamn business?
I'm fine.
You're doing good, johnson.
Just keep it between the lines.
[water bubbling]
Oh, crap. 
Malloy, quick!
Get behind the wheel!
Malloy!
Ah!
I thought red meant stop!
[rousing music]
- [screams]
- ♪ brickleberry ♪
- [groans]
What did I do last night?
- [whispering] I was inside of you.
- [screams] [screams]
Oh, god!
Okay, ethel, don't panic.
You know what to do.
[sobbing]
Listen, steve, you can't tell anyone about this.
- Why not? 
It was the best night of our lives.
- No, it was not.
I had too much to drink, and I made a mistake.
So keep your mouth shut.
[scrubbing]
- What kind of guy do you think I am?
♪ I [bleep] ethel I [bleep] ethel ♪
♪ I [bleep] ethel, yeah! 
♪ [applause]
- Why did I pay to see this?
I don't subscribe to psoriasis weekly.
- Hey, love bagel.
Where should I put my viggo mortensen
Up-skirt-shot coffee-table book?
- Steve, are you trying to move in?
- We had sex, didn't we?
It's only a matter of time
Before we have our marvel heroes wedding.
- Steve, wake up!
Just because we had drunken mistake sex
Doesn't mean we're in a relationship.
- Really? 
Then why did I buy us those his-and-her tombstones?
We die by murder-suicide in 2016.
I'm so excited!
- I can't believe that dui judge gave me community service.
- You drove to court drunk.
- I drink when I'm nervous
And sad and mad and happy.
♪ I'm an alcoholic, da-da-da-da-da-doo ♪
No, really, I have a problem.
- Yeah. 
You left me tied to a post all night.
Now this rottweiler won't stop leaving me creepy voice mails.
- [barking] [whispering] let me suck it.
- I don't get it, denzel.
I thought once ethel had some steve in the beav,
She'd never leave.
- Hey, at least you got some.
Think about how connie feels.
She's been in love with ethel for years.
- Oh, I'm totally over it.
Off topic, if you guys had to get murdered in the workplace,
Would you prefer an ar-15 or being hacked up with a machete?
[high-pitched voice] I think they want both.
- [urinating]
- I'm still inside you.
- [screams]
Don't go in there.
I, uh...
Made a fat, smelly shit.
So embarrassing.
- Not as embarrassing as the fact
That you made love to a fat, smelly shit.
- Mmm, this fun dip tastes like piss.
- That's a pregnancy test, you dumb son of a bitch.
- Oh, my god!
Ethel's gonna have my baby!
- Congrats, buddy!
Way to trap that bitch!
- Yeah, I'm really happy for you.
- Actually, steve, I thought a lot about this
In the last 30 seconds,
And I don't think I'm ready to have a kid.
- But don't I get a say?
I'd never abort a baby, especially ours.
- Sorry, steve.
It's just not your decision.
- Why not?
I'm the father.
- That doesn't matter.
My body, my choice.
- But, ethel, if there's no baby, there's no us.
- Exactly-- I've already made an appointment
At the best clinic in town.
[la cucaracha playing]
♪ ♪
- An abortionmobile/taco truck is the best clinic in town?
- Yes.
This town sucks.
- Abortion is a sin against god!
- No!
It's a civil right!
- I'm just here for the chimichangas.
- This is murder!
- I'll tell you what's murder.
The price they charge for a side of chipot-le.
- [humming]
Ah, ethel, welcome to my abortionmobile/taqueria.
Or as the local yokels call it, the die-eria.
[chuckles] [trills tongue] - uh, this is safe, right?
- Perfectly safe...
For the woman, not the baby.
- Wait. 
You're not going to use dirty cooking utensils?
- No, of course not, ethel.
I'm going to sanitize them first.
[loud banging]
Okay, ready to go.
Before you go through with this,
I must ask, are you sure about this decision?
- This is the hardest choice a woman can make, but-- 
- Sorry.
I was talking to a customer.
Okay, carne asada it is.
But fair warning, the picante sauce is muy caliente.
- That's okay, as long as it ain't hot.
- You don't know.
You don't know. 
You don't know.
- [cackling]
- Rackin' frackin' community service.
Working around a bunch of goddamn nut jobs
Who sit around and mumble to themselves.
[mumbling]
- Is everything all right, sir?
- Oh, never better!
I love these wacky bastards.
Oh, you're a dad, huh?
Yeah, my son yelled at me 'cause I tied him up outside of a bar.
- You did what?
- Oh, don't worry.
My son's a talking bear.
- Why don't you have a seat?
This talking bear--does he ever tell you to do things
That would hurt yourself or others?
- Are you shitting me?
That's all he does!
One time he turned me into a fish!
- I see.
- Yeah, he can be a sarcastic little asshole,
But I know he loves me, 'cause one time I was gonna get
On a spaceship with my girlfriend,
And he saved me with a jet pack.
- We got a nut job.
- Let me tell you about the time he directed my porno.
Aah!
Are you [bleep] crazy?
I'm not crazy!
You're crazy!
- And punchito!
Congratulations, ethel.
15 abortions gets you a free chalupa.
- Thanks, but I'll never get over how traumatic
That experience was.
- Would you like to start a new card?
- Yeah, might as well.
Steve, what are you doing here?
- Just sealing the deal I made with the doc.
- Uh, what kind of a deal?
- It's not exactly ethical, but he paid cash,
And, well, I'm a whore.
- See, after dr. 
Kuzniak
Sucked the embryo out of your body,
He put it in mine.
I'm pregnant!
- What?
- Now you're inside me!
- Nobody eat the salsa.
There's been a terrible mix-up.
[all gasp] [chip crunches]
- Baby sean johns?
Thank you, denzel.
And thank you, connie, for the baby massager.
[vibrating] - hey, look at that.
Connie rubbed all the veins off for you.
- Oh! 
Oh! 
Oh!
Open mine!
I have a feeling it's going to be a girl!
- Free pole dancing classes?
- If she's got a hole, she belongs on a pole.
- What a wonderful baby shower.
- Damn, steve.
It's only been two days,
And you're already showing.
- Dr. Kuzniak said the testosterone in my body
Will speed up the pregnancy.
- Steve, you're a [bleep] asshole!
- That's why I bought this onesie.
- I made a choice to end this pregnancy,
And you took that choice away from me.
- I don't understand why you're so upset.
Now that our baby's in my body, I'll do the work for you.
That's why you wanted to get an abortion, right?
- No, steve, it's a woman's decision.
- But it's in my body.
Like you said, my body, my choice.
- That's not--no.
You guys, back me up here.
- It's in his body, ethel.
- You said that's all that matters.
- Here, ethel.
This should cheer you up.
I put your picture and steve's picture into a computer program.
This is what your baby will look like.
- Oh, my god!
No!
[dog barking over phone]
- Listen, you sick puppy, I told you to stop calling me.
[phone beeps, vibrates]
Leave me alone, you piece of shit!
- No, it's me, woody.
- Yeah, I know.
- Look, these assholes committed me.
Get down here, and prove you can talk.
I've gotta get out of here.
I'm roommates with a guy who thinks he's nicolas cage.
- Okay, let's ride!
- Or maybe that is nicolas cage.
I don't know.
Either way, he's [bleep] nuts.
- Have you ever been dragged onto the sidewalk
And beat until you pissed blood?
- Okay, malloy, start talking.
[chuckles] I swear he can.
Usually, he's a real chatterbox,
When he's not being a spiteful dick!
Please, malloy, talk!
- Growl.
- Malloy, you son of a bitch!
Prove daddy's not crazy, or I'll rip your [bleep] head off!
- Wow.
Textbook psycho.
- No, I'm not crazy, doc!
I'm telling you, I have a talking bear!
- And I have a singing beaver!
♪ hello, my baby hello, my honey ♪
♪ hello, my ragtime gal ♪
- Wake up, steve!
- Ethel, it's 4:00 a.M.
- That's right. 
There's no sleeping when you have a baby.
- I'm baby firecracker jim, god damn it!
- After tonight we'll see who wants to keep this baby.
Welcome to fatherhood.
- Change me, daddy!
I done shit up my back!
- It's okay.
We'll get baby nice and clean.
- You ever seen a baby with pubes?
I'm pissing 'cause I'm angry, and I can't express it in words!
- So you're telling me all of woody's stories are true?
- Yeah, woody was a fish just before I gave birth
To the antichrist.
- You gave birth to the antichrist?
- [high-pitched voice] of course she did.
- Yeah, that hand's right.
It was right after I banged that thawed-out cavewoman.
Now can we go?
I gotta buy a breast pump for my friend steve.
He pregnant.
- A man is pregnant?
- Oh, that's nothing. 
All kinds of stuff happens to steve.
He was a black guy, a gay man, a gay woman,
And a quadriplegic that ate his own shit.
- See?
What is so crazy about these goddamn stories?
- What do you mean you don't want the money?
- I tried to be difficult,
But that steve feller took good care of me!
He's gon' be a real good daddy.
- Guess I'll have to take matters into my own hands.
Steve, we need to talk.
Whoa.
- Oh, yeah. 
That's hot.
- This for a magazine or something?
- No, no, just for me.
Now, bend over and show me your pooterus.
- Steve, I owe you an apology.
I've been horrible to you lately,
But seeing you like this...
Oh, and like that...
And not so much that one.
But it makes me realize that I do want
To have this baby with you.
- That's great, ethel.
- So what do you say you and I go
On some perfectly safe family fun activities?
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪ [both grunt]
- Oof! 
Ow! 
Ow!
[screaming]
Ahh!
- You don't know.
You don't know.
You don't know.
You don't know.
- Of course I don't know.
It's called "guess who," mother[bleep].
- Where's connie?
We need to talk.
- I think she made a new friend.
- Whee! 
We're going to india!
- [cackling]
- Oh, boy! 
Oh, boy! 
Oh, boy!
- All right, you cuckoos.
It's time to bust out of this nest.
- Why?
- So let's--
What do you mean why?
We're in a goddamn mental institution.
- Aw, I like it here.
- Yeah, I like it too.
I mean, it's a little cold, but...
- Cold? 
That's your complaint?
It's cold?
You two are busting out whether you like it or not.
So here's the plan.
First, we're going to tunnel through the wall
With this spoon.
Then we'll crawl through the storm drains
Until we get to the parking lot.
Connie will then chloroform the guards
As denzel hijacks a car,
Which we'll use to bust through the gates
And drive ourselves to freedom.
Now, let's do this!
Oh, shit!
- Trying to escape, huh?
Take him to...
The special treatment room.
- Special treatment room?
That sounds awesome.
I hope this means I get a new roommate.
- Ta-da!
All on the left: 
Pro-life!
All on the right: 
Pro-choice!
All on the left: 
Pro-life!
All on the right: 
Pro-choice!
All on the left: 
Pro-life!
All on the right: 
Pro-choice!
- Hold on! 
Wait a minute!
Is that a pregnant dude?
Dear lord!
It's an abomination to god!
He should abort it.
- No, he shouldn't!
It's a miracle of science!
All on the right: 
Pro-choice!
All on the left: 
Pro-life!
All on the right: 
Pro-choice!
All on the left: 
Pro-life!
- Dead baby, dead baby, dead baby.
- We have a heartbeat.
- Damn it!
[bleep] you, god.
I mean yay.
- Isn't this wonderful, ethel?
And after all that couple stuff we did,
You and I are even closer.
- Steve, I don't want this baby!
I never wanted this baby!
For god's sake, I pushed you down a flight of stairs
Into a pile of coat hangers!
- If it's a boy, could we name him "dracula untold"?
- [sighs] it's not about you, steve.
I just don't want to be a mother, ever.
I wouldn't want this baby, even if it were someone else's.
- Funny you should say that, because it is someone else's.
This guy's.
- I hear there's an heir
To the skymall family fortune!
- Rich, is this true?
- Yes, according to
My dna-paternity test/ lord voldemort wall display.
Skymall!
- I'm gonna be a mommy!
- When I heard you were pregnant,
I knew it was mine.
I've got strong swimmers, thanks to my travel-sized sperm-ometer.
Skymall after dark!
Shh!
- This is bullshit!
When did you even sleep together?
- The night we went to epstein's bar.
- Aha!
That's impossible
Because ethel slept with me that night, remember?
- I don't remember anything from that night.
- [gulping, sucking]
- Well, we did sleep together, and I can prove it!
I videotaped the night we had sex.
Okay, future steve and future ethel,
You guys hard?
[bleep] yeah, you're hard.
The things I'm about to do to past ethel
Are gonna blow your mind.
[snoring]
What--what happened?
Get up, past steve!
Oh, god! 
He's dead!
Who are you texting?
- Yes!
I didn't make love to steve!
- God, this couldn't get any worse.
- Uh! 
Uh! 
Skymall!
- Woody, I'm going to rid you of your delusions.
If you answer my questions with an irrational response,
I will shock you.
- You can do this, johnson.
Just lie your way through it.
- You're also attached to a lie detector.
So if you lie, I will shock you.
- Oh, shit.
- Question one:
Do you live with a talking bear?
- Yes, I don't. 
Ha.
That ought to-- [buzzing] [screams]
- That was a lie.
- Okay, I do!
[buzzing] [screams]
- That was delusional.
- What the hell do you want?
- I want to help you.
Again, do you live with a talking bear?
- What happens if I don't answer?
- You get an ice cream.
- I get an ice cream?
- Delusional.
[buzzing] [screams]
- Thanks for meeting us, steve.
We want to talk about you being our surrogate.
Skymall!
- I have some terms.
- Um, okay.
How bad can it be?
- I want rich to die.
- Not gonna happen.
- Worth a shot.
"dead. 
Die. 
Death. 
Paralyzed."
- Steve, steve, steve, I understand you're upset,
But as payment for being our surrogate,
I'm prepared to offer you $100,000
In skymall credit.
- The only thing I want is ethel.
I know we don't always get along,
And my bank account's
Just a jizz-stained sock full of pennies, but-- 
- Would you like to make another deposit,
You freaky bastard?
- Anyway, I know that, if you would just give me a chance,
I could make you happy.
That's why I put this baby in me.
- Wow, steve.
That's so...
Sad that's not gonna happen.
Once you have this baby, rich and I are moving
To his skymall offices in japan.
- I want an abortion!
Dr. Kuzniak, I need to schedule a--oh.
How'd you get here so fast?
- Oh, I was heading to the university
For a little post-spring break cleanup.
Choco taco?
- Steve, you can't get an abortion!
- Yes, I can!
My body, my choice!
- He's right!
- But it was in my body first,
So it's still my choice.
- She's right!
- But it was my seed,
So I should make the choice for everybody.
- Anybody else confused?
- Yeah, I am.
- I say we all agree to kill this [bleep]
And go to hooters and look at some titties.
- Sounds good to me.
I'm a lesbian.
- Sounds good to me.
I'm a hypocrite.
All: 
Kill! 
Kill! 
Kill!
Kill! 
Kill! 
Kill!
- With pleasure.
Just one problem:
My water broke.
- Well, looks like I'll have to kill this thing on the outside.
- Steve, breathe.
Ethel, hold his hand.
Dr. Kuzniak, look up how schwarzenegger gave birth
In the movie junior.
Ah, c-section.
But enough about my theater seats.
How do I get this baby out?
[stomach growls]
- Wow.
Haven't heard that sound ever.
Why isn't this fridge magically filling itself?
[electrical fizzling]
Woody, you forgot to pay the power bill!
Oh, that's right.
I guess I have to spring him from that nuthouse.
- [barks] [pop]
I want to be inside you.
- Why is that thing glowing?
- Happy tree. 
Happy tree.
Happy tree.
- Does something seem weird about woody?
- No.
- Woody, pack your straitjacket.
We're getting out of here.
- Ah! 
No!
The demon from my mind!
Get away from me!
You're not real!
- Is this real?
- Jesus christ!
- Ha ha! 
Yes, my son?
- [sighs] hey, doc. 
Turns out I can talk.
So I'll be taking home the fat, the black, and the ugly.
- It's a talking bear!
It's a talking bear!
- Growl.
- It's a talking bear!
No! 
No! 
You saw it!
He was talking! 
He's a mother--
He was talking!
- Oh, no! 
Not the bees!
Not the bees!
Ahh! 
My eyes! 
My eyes!
[gibberish] [coughs]
- Here comes that bundle of joy.
- This is gonna be the greatest day of my life.
- Congratulations.
You've given birth to a beautiful, 5-pound, 2-ounce tumor.
All: 
What?
- But how is that possible?
- Hmm, I guess you never were pregnant.
I must have transferred an ovarian cyst from ethel's body
Into yours, thinking it was an embryo.
- What about the ultrasound and the checkups
And the skymall dna test?
- Well, skymall products are shit.
The rest are oversights that result
From having your own prescription pad.
- Well, I'm out of here,
Using my patented skymall flying squirrel suit.
Skymall!
[glass shatters] [crash] [car alarm blares]
- All right.
I'm leaving.
- Wait. 
So if it was a tumor, whose choice was it?
- You don't know.
You don't know.
You don't know.
And none of us do, frankly.
Abortion is a very complicated issue.
- Oh, who gives a shit?
I thought we were going to hooters.
- Well, all's well that ends well.
I'll go grind this into taco meat.
- No!
Mwah.
I'm keeping it!
- Aah!

3x02 
- The Avenging Spider-Man, part 1
I'm Spider-Man. 
And today, I'm doing what I do best,
Kicking bad guys' butt with my shield crew.
[grunts] [crashes]
White Tiger, you're on Doc Ock's left.
Power Man and Iron Fist, frontal assault.
- Nova, keep him pinned down.
- I'm on it!
- The kid's a natural leader.
- He's risky and reckless. 
I like that.
- He has a warrior's cunning.
- Better than that, he's got heart.
So, we're all in agreement?
[all agree]
[Hawkeye] Nope.
But I'll go along just to say "I told you so."
Argh! 
Spider-Man!
You and those brats have opposed me for the last time!
Hear that, guys?
Otto's feeling cranky.
Everyone grab an arm and show him some love.
Stay back!
[grunts] [grunts] [groans] [grunts] [grunts] [breathes heavily] [grunts] [shouts] [groans] [grunts] [groans] [horn honking] [groans] [grunts]
You know your trouble, Doc?
You need to get out more.
[clanking]
This is not ov... [groans] [crashes]
There. 
Isn't that better?
[Thor] Greetings, Spider-Man.
Perhaps when you are finished, you'd care to join us.
The Avengers want you?
[Spider-Man] They said they were interested, but I never expected to join so soon.
- I'm not sure I'm ready.
- When you let go of the hero you are, you become the hero you might be.
Go. 
We'll drop the trash on Fury's desk.
I'm a little jealous, spider.
But happy for you.
Oh, man. 
Lump in my throat... [clears throat] catch in voice, didn't think leaving my old team would be so hard.
How do I say good-bye to them?
[Hulk] You gonna sit down?
Or just keep talking to yourself?
Um...
bye, guys.
[engine roars]
Welcome to the Avengers, Spider-Man.
[Spider-Man] Wa-hoo!
This is awesome!
[Jarvis] Welcome to your first day in Avengers tower, Spider-Man.
Mr. Stark has requested you join the team in the second door down the left corridor.
Thanks, Jarvis. 
Gotta remember to not act like a clueless newbie.
Avenger's Spidey is confident, cool, ready for anything.
Spidey in the house, Avengers!
Huh?
[lasers firing]
Oh, man!
Me and my big mouth!
Whoa! 
Okay, okay.
I get the gag.
Rough up the new guy, see if he can take it.
Oh, okay. 
I'm cool.
Weird, nasty fork things, no problem. 
I got this.
Big robots? 
Come on!
Who's next? 
Who's next?
[Jarvis] Initiation test completed.
Test? 
More like final exam of doom.
Hawkeye, he beat your time by three seconds.
Pshh. 
Dumb luck.
[grunts] You treat all your new members this way?
Yes. 
Yes, we do.
No hard feelings. 
Your official Avengers I.D.
The superhero's all access pass.
[harps playing]
I made an upgrade to your shield tech.
It works in tandem with your web shooters, broadcasts over an "Avengers only" frequency, and...
Whoa! 
Careful, kid.
You'll set off the taser guards.
Thanks! 
Any other surprises I should know about?
[grunts] Wow!
White Tiger would freak to have a gym on the ceiling.
This is really all for me?
All the Avengers have living quarters in the tower.
But I'm not ready to leave my...
other place.
He probably still lives in his folks' basement.
I keep my private life private.
- And F.Y.I., I have my own bedroom.
- Maybe so, but we're not wearing masks.
I wonder if you trust us as much as we trust you.
[Captain] I trust him, Black Widow.
That counts for something.
You don't have to deal with the secret identity business
- until it feels right, Spidey.
- Thanks, Cap.
I appreciate you guys respecting my privacy.
[growls] [all yelp] [thumping] Noogie welcome patrol!
[screams] Noogie, noogie, noogie, noogie, noogie.
And the Hulk is one more reason to keep bunking at Aunt May's.
Hey, bud. [groans and crashes] [alarm beeping] [all] Avengers assemble!
Avengers assemble!
I always wanted to say that.
The Avengers have ruined the team by enlisting the wall-crawling menace known as "Spider-Man."
Get ready to eat those words, J. Jonah Jerkface.
Spidey's playing a whole new game.
[video game voice] Round one, Fin Fang Foom!
[grunts] Ha!
Yah! 
[screams]
[Hulk grunts] [crashes]
You broke attack formation, [Hulk grunts repeatedly]
Left Hawkeye and Iron Man vulnerable on the monster's left flank.
- But I still won, right?
- You may have winged it on your old team, but on this one, we follow orders.
All of us. 
You got that?
[rumbling]
Hey, don't let the flag man get to you.
You did great.
[video game voice] Round two, Attuma!
[Black Widow grunts] [all grunt] Spider-Man, on your right!
Yes, sir. [grunts] [grunts] [splashing]
[video game voice] Bonus stage!
Spidey versus Batroc!
[laughs maniacally]
Wah!
One French fry to go, back to jail!
Leap! 
Leap!
Quel est?
[laughs] Only ze harmless little mosquito.
[screams] [electricity pulsing]
[Spider-Man] Ha!
[groans]
Looking for this?
[sarcastically] Oh, wow, guys.
It's an Avenger.
Hey, I...
I just thought I'd help out.
It's been a while, and... [quietly] I... 
I miss you guys.
- How's that?
- [sighs] I miss you guys.
[Batroc groans]
It's good to see you too, spider, but...
- Yee-yah!
- [groans] Leap.
We can handle our own mission without an Avenger showing us up.
To be honest, it really hasn't been the same without...
This Avenger stopped that evil French guy!
Uh, listen, these guys are the real heroes.
[crowd] Spidey! 
Spidey!
Spidey! 
Spidey! 
Spidey! 
Spidey!
No, you don't understand.
Uh, guys, wait!
[crowd] Spidey! 
Spidey!
[rumbling] [door clanks shut]
Dr. Otto Octavius.
It seems Spider-Man has moved onto bigger and better threats than you. [Spider-Man grunts]
There are rules against bothering prisoners. 
Get out.
Rules are for lesser creatures.
- Not for Loki.
- Loki?
Now, what would the prince of tricksters want with a humble scientist like me?
I plan to humiliate my brother, Thor, destroy the
Avengers, and seize control of the nine realms.
And while I'm at it, I have a score to settle with Spider-Man.
What's Spider-Man to you?
I've been looking to squash that pest for quite a while.
Let's talk in more private surroundings.
[metal cranking] [gasps]
Behold, your underwater lab restored to its former glory.
As are you, Otto Octavius.
[sighs]
[gasps] [gasps] What have you done to me?
Sheathed you in Asgardian armor, the same metal from which was fashioned the all powerful Destroyer.
Even mighty Thor has no defense against it.
Fascinating. 
So what's my role in your grand scheme?
I don't want to attract Thor's attention too soon, so my first attack on Midgard will be through science not sorcery.
Specifically, that intriguing invention of yours.
- Venom.
- Sorry, I'm fresh out.
You created it once from Spider-Man's blood, you can do so again.
And I'll unleash it upon the most fearsome monsters in the nine realms, all under my mystic command.
[thumping]
With that much Venom, you could destroy the world.
I promise to leave enough for you to rule. 
That is, if you help me.
Very well. 
I'll need a sample of Spider-Man's blood.
That, my friend, is as good as done.
[police sirens blaring] [crashes] [grunts]
Yo, bugman, there's a new all-you-can-eat diner that needs to be put to the gutbuster test. 
You in?
Huh. 
More for me then.
[thumping]
Being an Avenger rocks, but I can only take so many Hulk gutbusters and noogies.
I need some Spidey "me" time.
[sighs] Nothing like a nice, relaxing swing.
[screams] [groans] [crashes] [groans] [rumbling]
- You!
- Now, that's how I like to see a spider.
Squirming, helpless, and about to be crushed.
[laughs maniacally] Loki!
[suspenseful music]
I'm hoping this thing has some sort of Avengers alert.
[screams] [groans] I just got that!
Poor spider. 
All alone without your teammates.
Don't need 'em.
[grunts] [rumbling] [groans]
That should keep him busy.
[grunts] [screams]
For about two seconds.
Oh, no!
[glass shatters] [groans] [glass rumbles] [sighs] Okay. 
Now, you're in for it, pal.
[in hypnotic tone] You are weak, Spider-Man.
Weary. 
Sleep.
[groans] Sleep.
[thud]
- Greetings, Octavius.
- You! 
[grunts] [grunts]
It's me, fool.
I promised you Spider-Man's body.
- Here it is.
- Loki?
You put your mind in Spider-Man's body? 
That's brilliant!
I'm going to write that down.
I plan to punish the wall crawler for his past humiliations.
To New York's horrified eyes, it won't be Loki leading an invasion of monsters against the Avengers, but their newest member, Spider-Man.
If you're in Spider-Man's body, we can finally see what he looks like.
- Very well. 
At last...
- There's nothing I wanted more
- than to see his hated face.
- Nothing, Octavius?
Then you'll see it only after we've destroyed the Avengers.
- But why?
- To ensure your obedience.
Loyalty requires sacrifices.
Argh!
[yelps in pain]
So does science.
We can't recreate Venom without Spider-Man's blood.
- That hurt!
- Rest assured, my friend, you're not the only one who has to adjust to life in a new body.
[groans]
No, no, no, no, no, no!
This is worse than the time he turned me into a pig.
At least then, I was sort of cute.
Okay, the important thing is not to panic.
Gotta stay calm.
Simply explain what happened before the others jump to the wrong conclusion and... [yelps] smash me.
Smash you? 
Good idea.
[thumping] [grunts] [screams] [groans]
[Captain] I have Red Skull.
Hawkeye, you're on Doom.
Widow, you take Modok.
Nice shot, Widow.
[grunts] Congratulations, gentlemen.
We're each batting a thousand.
I'm getting sick of life model decoys.
Give me a real target any day.
[groans] [crashes]
Hey! 
There you go.
[Jarvis] Warning. 
Hulk reports a breach of tower security by Loki.
No, wait...
[groans]
I'm not...
[yelps]
Really! 
[grunts] [groans] [groans]
- [Tony] Loki?
- That's right.
Uh-oh!
I mean, that's wrong!
[screams] [groans]
Finally, if anyone can tell I'm not the real Loki, it'd be you, right? 
[gasps]
- More trickery from the prince of lies.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait!
Be gone! 
[grunts] [groans] But I'm really Spider-Man!
[groans] [groans] How come I'm still alive?
[electricity pulsing] It must be that crazy Asgardian invulnerability.
I told you Spider-Man was no good.
How the heck does he know?
Last night, New Yorkers proclaimed Spider-Man a hero.
Breaking news! 
Right now, he's attacking the city with a legion of monsters.
[growls] [car alarm blaring] [growls]
Those monsters look like...
Venom!
But where'd they come from?
[monster screeching]
Forward!
Bring this city to its knees!
So that's what hornhead is really up to?
Wrecking the city and setting me up to take the fall?
Just look how he's thanked his trusting teammates, the Avengers.
[grunts] [grunts] [crashes] [monster growls]
Don't worry, New York.
There's more where that came from.
[laughs maniacally]
No!
Fly me to Loki, the real one!
[groans] Whoa!
[groans] Loki doesn't fly?
I thought Loki flew.
I've got to get to him somehow.
[horn honks]
I'm going to a comic convention.
[all scream]
Looks like my stop anyway.
[snarls] [all scream]
A Thor-sized wolf covered in Venom. 
I'm starting to think an Asgardian rat might be working with an Earth Octopus.
[snarls] [grunts] Not sure how this thing works, but it protects Loki.
Maybe if I concentrate.
[metal clanking] [snarls] What's your hurry, rover?
How about another shot?
It's no Spidey cycle, but it'll have to do.
[engine turns over] [bus screeches]
Let's take 'em down!
[grunts]
[snarls] [grunts] [thuds]
I had no idea Spider-Man had such power or was so deliberately evil.
He's not, Falcon.
We acted too rashly.
If it were truly Loki who invaded our tower, he would have battled us without mercy.
Spider-Man tried to warn us.
This invasion is Loki's true plot... [growls] [grunts] [grunts] [screams] [groans]
Mjolnir, to me!
[grunts]
Away from us, troll!
[crashes] [groans]
Ulik, so you have had a hand in this mayhem too.
I don't remember how I came to be here or why you attack me.
But I do remember I hate you, thunder god!
It seems my brother Loki has made you his pawn, troll.
Let us call a truce and fight him together.
Ulik, the savage, allied with the hated son of Odin?
Never!
[both grunt] [screams] [groans] [crashes] [snarls] [growls]
That's enough of that.
[missiles exploding] [snarls] [groans] [both scream] [snarls] [groans] [groans] [screams] [grunts]
This black ice chills my soul.
[grunts] [ice clanks]
It's called "Venom." Hard to control.
Even harder to smash.
[grunts] [snarls]
Glorious! 
But I crave a better view of Thor's defeat.
Well, why not? 
When in Rome...
Let's fly, web!
Idiotic mortal contraption!
[grunts] [crash] [groans] [grunts]
Surprisingly laborious process.
Even with this spider power, am I sweating?
Ugh, disgusting!
Ugh!
[bus screeches]
That stench! 
Doesn't he wash this ridiculous costume?
[screams] [groans]
I'll make you a two for one deal, chuckles.
[grunts] I'm going to send both you and my costume... to the cleaners! 
[groans]
Get it? 
No?
[groans]
Well, you're Asgardian.
You probably have laundry gnomes to do your clothes.
If you were from here, you would have found that mildly amusing.
[groans] [rumbling]
Of course, you realize you're only hurting your own body, that will ache like the blazes when we switch back.
[groans] Oh, yeah? 
Well... [groans]
- I'll bet that'll hurt in the morning.
- Oh, please.
To an immortal, that's not even a stubbed toe.
[snarls] [people screaming]
[roars] [people screaming] [groans] [grunts]
[laser blast] [groans] [grunts] [gasps] [groans]
- There's no end to these things.
- We've got to hold them here.
Sooner or later, Loki's bound to show himself.
We take him, we take down the creatures.
[grunts] You heard Iron Man.
[grunts]
Let him have it, Falcon!
[grunts] [all groan]
[all grunt]
Well done, Hawkeye.
[grunts] This'll quiet them down.
[all groan] [rumbling]
In the meantime, keep them tangled up until we know what to do with them.
I'm warning you, I know how to use this!
You simply triggered a protection spell I put on my spear should my life be threatened.
You can't possibly wield it's full power.
Uh, bibbity, bobbity, blast him!
Magic is knowledge, and you haven't learned the proper way to use it.
There's always my way.
[grunts] [groans]
That was a poor choice.
[grunts] [rumbling] [all grunt]
There!
It's Loki.
I'll take that.
Now, the real fun begins.
[gasps]
[groans]
- [groans] Ow!
- I told you not to hurt yourself.
Avengers, it's me, Spider-Man!
I have Loki!
He's escaping! 
Stop him!
What?
[Captain] Avengers, take Spider-Man down.
[gasps]
Uh, no! 
Wait!
It's me!

Jackie: 
Previously on "Nurse Jackie"...
Nancy Wood. 
Does that name ring a bell?
That's the patient who stole Carrie's DEA number.
WASQ wants me to do medical segments from the hospital.
I get a prescription from pain medication from Coop and you administer it.
- It says here you got a prescription yesterday. 
- Yes.
Well, then it seems a little surprising that your urine analysis came back clean.
Should I go back to school and get a master's degree?
I think it's a great idea, Zoey.
Good, because I wanted to ask if you'd write me a recommendation.
(Snorts, sighs)
You look great.
I'm having dinner with my ex-husband and his new fiancée.
Want me to come with, make him jealous?
We can't have sex in your office.
I don't want to have sex in your office.
It's, like... it's more than that.
Jackie Peyton, these are my boys.
Hey, Mrs. Peyton.
Your boys cannot be at my house.
Wow, you're gonna choose the drugs over us.
Take all the time you need to pack.
I want you out of my house.
Hey, it's Jackie. 
You wanna go to a wedding with me?
(Theme music playing)
(Man vocalizing)
We're going to do a small incision here.
I never thought I would do this.
Well, what we're talking about doing is very minor.
This washes off, right?
'Cause tonight is my ex-husband's wedding, which is probably why I'm going down this rabbit hole.
You should've booked sooner.
Revenge eye lifts are my favorite.
(Chuckles)
And don't wait to fill this prescription for painkillers.
You want to have these on hand the minute you get home after surgery, okay?
You bet.
Hi, yes, it's Jackie Peyton. 
I was just in.
Yeah, listen, I'm having some second thoughts about this eye lift procedure.
Can I cancel? 
It was for next week.
And I will absolutely let you know if I change my mind, okay?
Great, thanks so much for your time.
Okay.
Given the destruction from Hurricane Penny in Florida, it's important to remain prepared if disaster strikes our coastline again.
Establish a family phone tree.
That way everyone can check in with someone in an unaffected area.
You guys, that was good.
- I'm so excited.
- I know.
You two have so much chemistry, I should be jealous.
No, be brutally honest, please.
Everyone I know is gonna be watching this.
Okay, next time, just soften your hands when you gesture.
You're doing this claw hand thing for emphasis.
- You do do that.
- Oh, my God, I do.
And just turn your bodies on a slight angle.
Just... yeah, that's beautiful.
- You're good at this.
- He is amazing at everything.
And I'm late for work.
You're gonna be great.
Are you still up for dinner with my brother later?
- Of course.
- All right, bye.
Dinner with the brother? 
Major.
No, it's not, really. 
I've basically met his whole family.
It's all so easy. 
No drama.
I will leave that to you straight people.
Ooh, dress bag.
Yeah, tonight is Kevin's wedding.
You're going to Kevin's wedding?
Isn't that maybe kind of awkward?
Yeah, yeah. 
Yeah, it is.
Fiona's freaking out. 
She has to walk down the aisle.
She begged me to go. 
I'm just trying to do the right thing.
Here is your letter of recommendation for your master's program.
Well, I can't read this in front of you.
(Squealing)
Jesus, what did you write?
The truth.
(Squealing)
I can't send that letter in.
- Why not?
- 'Cause I wanna frame it.
No one is ever gonna write anything that nice about me ever again.
Yes, they will. 
Dr. Roman, this is Anna, type one diabetic.
Hey, my blood sugar's really out of whack and I couldn't regulate it.
Uh, you're smart to come in.
Let's run a panel and if her levels are elevated,
I want eight units of regular insulin intravenously.
Hey, I need Jackie.
Oh, yeah. 
She's fine, go ahead.
- One, two, three.
- What've we got?
Multiple lacerations on the forehead and extremities.
Female, 50, she was hit by a cab.
Oh, Jesus, Helen.
Shit, there's bruising on the chest wall.
- Let's get a 12-lead EKG and a blood panel. 
- Got it.
The cab didn't hit me. 
I stepped in front of him.
I don't want that poor guy getting arrested.
- Okay.
- What the hell is all this?
Uh, we need to find out if you've injured your heart and lungs.
- Let's hope so. 
- Why don't we sedate her so she stops talking?
- What is your problem?
- She's been in here before.
- Yes, she has. 
- I don't like saving people who don't want to live.
You look awful.
Yeah, Helen's back.
Sounds like she might get what she wants after all.
Yeah, she has a cardiac contusion.
With her history, she's probably not gonna make it.
I'm very sorry.
Well, we're gonna keep her comfortable.
It's rough everywhere today.
Three people got fired after those drug screenings came back.
They found Nancy Wood?
They found two radiologists who were smoking weed and a security guard with a coke problem.
And I've got the DEA on my ass because of my prescription for your pills.
Gloria, if it helps you, I will pee in a cup right now.
And your test will come up positive because I've been the one handing you pills every day, so... my hands are neatly tied, aren't they?
Why are you looking at me like that?
That's the thing. 
I probably should be looking at you.
Gloria, how big of an asshole do you think I am?
I'll let you know when I find Nancy Wood.
What's wrong?
You look like something's wrong.
Can I help you?
No.
Don't worry about me. 
Please.
It might be the last thing I do.
I need you to rest.
I need to show you how to use this so you're not in pain, okay?
Oh, good.
- So there's nobody I can call?
- Nah.
There used to be people.
When I was part of the order,
I had 65 sisters.
Now there's just you.
Well, I'm here all day, okay?
You've done so much for me.
I wish there was a way I could repay you.
Angel.
Ahem.
"Her empathy is matched only by her attention to detail.
I have never seen a nurse more able to focus on what really matters when it comes to her patients."
- Really?
- Stop quoting me to me.
Okay.
Is that Helen's chart?
Yeah. 
She's resting now.
I'm just trying to stay close.
God, I thought we helped her.
She looked a lot better when she left here last time.
- Remember the picture you took?
- Oh, yeah.
- Wow, look at that.
- I know.
- Can you send that to me?
- Of course.
I can stay here tonight.
I know you have Kevin's wedding.
Oh, God, I still have to buy shoes.
You don't have shoes? 
Go!
I'll be here just in case she wakes up.
- (Vibrates) 
- Great, thank you.
Knock-knock.
Do you look even better than usual?
I hope so. 
I've got a segment today. 
There's lots of mascara.
Oh, my God, you know what we should do tonight?
- I just can't stop thinking about it.
- What? 
What should we do?
- Something we haven't done before?
- Yep, yep.
We should have dinner with your moms.
(Laughs)
What I want to do is way more fun.
Dude, moms love me.
(Groans) Carrie...
I'm not introducing you to my moms until I know this is definitely something real.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't realize that you were fucking a pretend vagina every night.
They're my moms.
- It's a big step.
- I'm ready for that.
(Chuckles)
Wow, okay.
Do they even know I exist?
Yeah, of course they do.
They know all about you.
Oh, God.
(Sighs)
Hey.
- Hey.
- Can you put this in the back room?
I don't feel like answering any questions about Kevin's wedding.
Yeah, can I take a look?
Sure.
Wow.
Jesus, that's some O'Hara shit.
Yeah, I have to keep the tag on so I can return it afterwards.
No, don't do that. 
You deserve nice things.
Or something, I don't know.
Pretend I know what I'm talking about and keep it.
(Laughs) Okay.
You've done a lot of good lately, Jackie.
You can tell Akalitus.
She's implying I had something to do with Carrie's DEA number bullshit.
Mm, well, makes sense.
I'm not saying she's right.
I'm saying history's history, right?
History. 
Fuck you.
Her heart rate is really irregular.
- Has she been out the whole time?
- In and out.
For someone who wants to be dead, she's still pretty alive.
I heard that.
- How are you feeling?
- I'm okay.
Who are all these people?
These are all the women who work here in the ER.
Sisters.
Okay, um, I do know that this is about, like, standing here and being present for a minute, but, um... yeah, I need to say something.
We're not saying anything.
It's not that kind of a thing.
I hate nuns.
- And, um...
- (Laughs) nuns hate me.
They ruined, like, 80% of my childhood.
But, Helen, I don't hate you.
(Sighs) I wish you peace.
Don't call me Helen.
Helen is my religious name.
What's... what's your real name?
My real name is Nancy.
What?
My name is Nancy. 
Nancy Wood.
Fucking God damn you.
All you nuns are always fucking out to get me, no matter what I do.
I have a lot of sex and I'm not a bad person.
- You are a fucking bad person.
- Let's just move it along.
Can you press the little button?
(Exhales)
Heh.
- Hello.
- Jackie, I'm sorry.
I can't say I would've ever suspected a nun.
- Former nun.
- Clearly, but I'm still sorry.
No, nothing to be sorry about.
We're just doing our jobs, right?
(Capsule clatters)
(Snorting)
(Snorting)
(Sighs)
(Chuckles)
(Sighs)
- Hi there.
- Hey. 
I'm sorry.
I'm not trying to be a bitch, but I've been here for a really long time.
Oh, my God, you have. 
Hey, Zoey.
Sorry, the lab was backed up.
Sorry, blood work just came back elevated.
Luckily, Dr. Roman anticipated that.
We have her orders. 
We'll get you started on some insulin and get you outta here.
- Helen's sleeping?
- Oh, you mean Nancy?
That was crazy. 
Carrie was crazy.
Yeah, how about Akalitus?
That woman is never speechless.
What the fuck? 
What just happened?
What did you do? 
What did you give her?
I gave her the insulin Dr. Roman prescribed.
Dr. Roman ordered eight units, not 800.
Uh...
Ah. (Sniffs)
No, don't touch that. 
Move.
Shit. 
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
You passed out there for a minute.
I did?
Yeah, we needed to offset your insulin levels with some glucose.
- How are you feeling now?
- Um, better, thanks.
You're welcome.
Thank you. 
I know that was stressful.
Luckily, I was with the most competent nurse on the floor.
Yeah, I've never seen you do that before.
You've seen me make mistakes.
Was it something else?
Yeah, is this... do you need to go to a meeting?
Do...
I go to meetings every day, Zoey.
Kevin is getting married tonight, so if you notice anything different about today, that's what it is, okay?
Okay.
You should get going 'cause showing up late to your ex-husband's wedding is probably a bad idea.
Yeah. (Chuckles)
Thank you again for the letter.
Yeah, don't mention it.
I'm Dr. Carrie Roman. 
We see disasters strike every day here at the emergency department of All Saints, but what happens when a real natural disaster strikes our coast?
We'll tell you what you need, what you don't need, what is really important, and what isn't.
Thor, as one of our most reliable nurses, can you tell me, does Reuben follow your lead when it comes to disaster preparedness?
Reuben is very prepared and safety oriented.
My boyfriend, Dr. Fitch Cooper, told me that married couples who take the time to make sure they have supplies for a few days of survival are not only more likely to stay safe, they're also less likely to get divorced.
Now, oh, here are some easy supplies to have on hand that might save your life.
- (Elevator whirring) - (Chattering)
(Piano music playing)
(Heels echoing)
(Music playing)
Hi, sweetie. 
You're doing great. 
Just keep going.
- Come with me.
- I'll be right here, honey. 
You just keep going.
Will you walk with me?
Everyone else has a partner.
I know, but, honey, you're special.
That's why you get to go up there by yourself.
Please. 
Please, Mommy.
Okay, let's go.
Hi.
Hi. 
Sorry, she was... okay.
("Bridal Chorus" playing)
♪ Why don't you come on, listen to what I'm talking about ♪
♪ You grab your pretty baby and you sing and you shout ♪
♪ You're going to a dance and you swing around ♪
♪ Brother, you'll be joining all the cats in town... ♪
This music sucks. 
Thanks for coming with me.
Yeah, I think it was kind of weird for my dad, me going with you, but whatever.
This whole night is weird.
Oh, my God. 
I know that guy.
- Tommy: 
What guy?
- The guy with the beard.
Seriously, I think he sold my friend drugs at a party.
Awesome. 
So, is he a friend of your stepmom?
I don't know.
What the fuck?
(Song fades)
(Rings)
What's up, G? 
How's the wedding?
(Laughs)
Hey, calm down.
Where are you?
Grace, find a place where I can hear what you're saying, okay?
Guess what?
We're having dinner with my moms tonight.
- How was your segment?
- Don't be mad.
I'm not mad.
I can't skulk around and be a secret couple.
I just wanna be comfortable and move fast.
- Like the gays.
- Okay...
I think they can appreciate that.
- So, what do we do?
- We do this.
I'm chief, I'm 40. 
We're dating.
- Fuck.
- Fuck!
I gotta go change my shirt.
My mom hates this one.
Ahem.
It was just a minute ago if you want to call time of death.
(Sighs) You okay?
Yeah, I just...
I need to put this whole Nancy Wood thing behind me.
Where are her personal effects?
One cross... a pack of cigarettes... one ID.
(Voice echoing) Look, I know you cared about her, but I need this.
This nun is an asshole.
You can do whatever you want with the rest of her stuff, but I'm taking this to Akalitus.
It's going to the DEA.
(Bag rustling)
(Music playing)
You look unreal. 
Really.
- Also, I have coke.
- Oh, no, I am good. 
Believe me.
It's your big night, lady. 
Anything you want, you just let me know.
Oh, you are the perfect date for this wedding.
Aw, I know.
I am definitely too old for this tradition, but I sort of love everybody handing me cash.
- (Laughs) 
- You are...
- new.
- Yeah, man. 
I'm Gabe.
- Hey, Gabe.
- This is a rad wedding.
Oh, I didn't get you a present, but I did bring this.
- Oh, there you go.
- (Laughs)
So, are you guys having a good time?
We are, yeah. 
You look beautiful.
- Oh, thank you, Jackie.
- (Laughing)
This must be so fucking weird for you.
You were married to that guy and now you're at his wedding.
Hi, Grace. 
Where have you been?
Uh, here.
Gracie, this is my friend Gabe.
What's up, Gracie?
Hi, yeah, we've met.
- We're meeting right now.
- Where's Tommy?
He's been trying to get someone to serve him a beer for, like, an hour.
He can't drink, honey.
Nobody's gonna serve him.
Why don't you get him a drink? 
You're cool.
I am cool, but I don't get drinks for underage kids.
Really, that's weird because you sold my friend drugs.
What?
I was at a party in Bushwick.
You know that loft with all the graffiti?
- Dude, that could be anywhere.
- He sells drugs, right?
You brought a drug dealer to Dad's wedding?
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's not, like, my title.
Come over here.
You sell drugs to kids? 
What the fuck is wrong with you?
- Oh, come on.
- No, no, you got to go.
- Jackie, just relax.
- No, that's my daughter.
- She's 15.
- She doesn't look 15, seriously.
You go to one of these parties, and we all look the same age. 
You'd love it.
No, no, that's a kid. 
That's what a kid looks like, you asshole.
Come on, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Listen, I grew up here, okay?
15 isn't 15 anymore. 
Now, come on, we just need to have a little fun.
- Get your fucking hands off me.
- (Glasses shatter)
Oh.
Don't touch the suit, dude.
Hey.
Hey.
I think you need to leave.
Yeah.
Yeah, sure, man. 
Happy wedding.
I think you need to leave, too.
Jackie, I want you to leave.
Now.
(Quiet chattering)
(Knocks)
What can I do for you, Zoey?
We need to talk about Jackie.

♪ there's a hundred and four days of summer vacation
♪ and school comes along just to end it
♪ so the annual problem for our generation
♪ is finding a good way to spend it
♪ like maybe
♪ building a rocket, or fighting a mummy
♪ or climbing up the eiffel tower
♪ discovering something that doesn't exist
Hey!
♪ or giving a monkey a shower
♪ surfing tidal waves
♪ creating nano-bots or locating frankenstein's brain
It's over here!
♪ finding a dodo bird painting a continent
♪ or driving our sister insane
Phineas!
♪ as you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do
♪ before school starts this fall
Come on, perry!
♪ so stick with us, 'cause phineas and ferb are gonna do it all!
Mom, phineas and ferb are making a title sequence!
(whirring)
All set, sir.
(laughing menacingly)
Okay, just this once, fireside girl,
I'm going to let you ask about my business.
(squeaking) denmother, are you a puppet?
Hey, I'm a marionette.
Forget about it.
Have you got a family?
Go home to your family, huh?
(clapping)
Wow, isabella, you have some mad marionette skills.
Thank you, phineas!
I know I use this word a lot, but you and the fireside girls were awesome-tacular!
I wish more people could experience your talents.
Well, we only have so many folding chairs.
Maybe it would help if your puppets were bigger.
What do you mean, buford?
My uncle oslo from oslo used to make huge marionette puppets!
People would come from miles around to see 'em.
Or at least they would have if he ever finished one.
Wait, oslo's in norway.
I thought your family was dutch.
Eh.
Nevertheless, buford, I think you may be onto something.
We could build a huge, weird puppet
And you guys could take your marionette skills to the people in the streets.
Yeah, that'll freak 'em out.
So what do you say, isabella?
Are you ready to take the next step?
Oh, phineas!
Yes, I've been right here in front of you all along just waiting for you to.
Oh, wait,
You were talking about the puppet, weren't you?
Well, yeah, what were you talking about?
Nothing! 
I, uh, was just...
(chuckling nervously)
Hey, where's perry?
Agent p, we have a situation.
Dennis, the rogue agent, formerly our most wanted rodent.
Carl: 
Lagomorph, sir.
What's that, carl?
Sir, they used to be considered rodents,
But were reclassified in the early 20th century.
Oh, well, I'll have to fix that then.
Carl, run out and buy me a new set of encyclopedias.
A set of what, sir?
Hmm.
Anyway, dennis, the most wanted lagomorph,
Miraculously escaped from owca's maximum security prison
Sometime this morning.
Evidence suggests that dennis was snatched away by a ninja disco robot.
If this isn't the work of doofenshmirtz then carl will eat my hat.
Carl:  
Hey!
(beeping)
I got your 22- and-a-half tons of reclaimed pine logs.
Hey, aren't you a little young to be driving a semi-trailer
With 22-and-a-half tons of reclaimed pine logs?
No. 
No, I'm not.
♪ babyface trucking
♪ our drivers look like children but they're not
Now back up.
Here come your logs.
Thanks, babyface trucking guy!
Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta head home.
It's nap time.
(horn blaring)
Is that everything, phineas?
Yep!
Let's build us a huge marionette!
Chorus:
♪ doofenshmirtz evil incorporated! 
♪
You can come out now, dennis the rabbit!
Aw, look, how cute!
He's cute!
Isn't he cute, norm?
He's adorable!
And so soft, and warm, and squishy!
Okay, back off, lennie, you're creeping me out.
And you, you're not fooling anybody with that cutesy stuff.
I happen to know that you are a very bad bunny.
And I am, like, totally cool with that!
See, I want to defeat perry the platypus
And take over the tri-state area.
And what I think I'm lacking is a certain animal instinct to get the job done.
You have animal instincts.
But what you lack is the evil scientist technology.
And that is something that I have.
So, using my evil scientist skills,
I'll make it possible for you to defeat perry the platypus
While I watch from a safe distance.
And together, we'll take over the tri-state area!
What do you say?
Are you with me?
Great! 
I always wanted a rodent for a partner.
Norm: 
Lagomorph, sir.
Gesundheit.
Wow, this thing's so cool, phineas!
Everyone ready?
All ready back here.
How you doin', ferb?
Come on, everyone, let's take this show to the crowd!
♪ giant marionette.
♪ walk, walk, giant puppet girl so sweet
♪ shift, and slowly blink
♪ freak out the people on the street
♪ they don't know what to think
♪ move your articulated parting jaw
♪ bow your head politely
♪ drift through the crowd like a european ghost
♪ now raise your hand just like me
♪ ooh, ooh, ooh
It looks like she's trying to tell us
Something important in her own silent, enigmatic way.
I feel this puppet is telling us
To look into our souls
And find the power to embrace love for all humanity.
Hey, everyone!
The viking is right!
♪ moving slowly,
♪ shifting slightly
♪ just by moving slowly and shifting slightly
♪ the puppet fireside girl is telling us
♪ to look into our souls and find the power
♪ to embrace love for all humanity ♪
Now, before I let you loose on the owca,
This should make you much more formidable.
I like to call it my, my, my, my, my... (yells)
I guess the escalator wasn't such a good idea after all.
Oh, well, live and learn.
Anyway, I like to call it my transmogrification -backpack-inator!
It'll give you a robotic exoskeleton
That can transform into almost anything.
And it's perfect to wear undercover.
No one will ever suspect.
Except maybe to say,
"hey, look, there's a rabbit wearing a backpack."
Go ahead, give it a try.
Hey! 
What the heck, man?
I live here. 
You can't go blowing holes in my stuff.
Now, try it again.
Uh, okay.
Also, no smashing things in here.
I'm gonna have to make a list for you, aren't I?
Hey! 
Wait!
Let me open the...
(smashing) ...Roof.
Candace: 
It's true.
Ferb told me.
It's called rennet, stacy.
They scrape it from the lining of a calf's stomach to make cheese.
And yet when I wanna talk about sushi, you say it's disgusting.
Oh, my gosh!
Cutie patootie!
My long lost pet rabbit!
Where have you been?
Oh, honey bunny!
Was perry bothering you?
Poor little fluffy britches patootie pants.
Let me get you home.
Stay down, breakfast.
Stay down.
Hey, guys, the crowd is loving it!
Isabella, I'm all puppeted out.
What say we take a little break and get some eats?
Let's take five.
Cutie patootie, I got your chowzie-wowzie!
(gasps) oh!
Stacy, he's gone!
Where do you think he went?
Maybe he's down at the docks.
Yeah, maybe he...
Down at the docks?
Or maybe he's just playing with his friends.
(voices whispering) giant marionette.
(growls)
Time to see how my little friend is doing.
You see, I installed a bunch of nano-bot cameras on his backpack.
Who installed them?
It was my idea.
Oh! 
There he is!
And he's fighting a giant puppet girl.
There's something very familiar about the way she fights.
Wait a minute.
Perry the platypus?
That does it.
I'm going down there.
The big difference is that the marionette has strings
While a puppet is hollow, so it can be manipulated from within.
But that doesn't mean that a marionette can't be hollow
Or a puppet have strings.
The thing to remember is that some people take the subject very seriously,
Even though, technically, there's no difference grammatically.
I looked it up.
Doofenshmirtz:
There he is, norm!
Down there!
On top of the puppet.
Lower. 
Perfect.
Aah! 
Gotcha!
(chuckles) give up, perry the platypus!
You know nothing of puppetry! 
Ow!
Okay, I, I admit it, you, you do have a certain knack for it...
Oh, okay, well, maybe "knack" wasn't the right word.
Oh, no. 
No, no.
(grunting) ow!
Curse you, perry the... (coughing) platypus!
I was trying to say platypus.
Okay, well, I guess I'll see you both later!
Unless I miss my guess,
I'm on my way to norway, so, uh,
Take it easy, dennis the rogue rabbit,
And, uh, curse you, perry the platypus!
Candace: 
Mr. Patootie!
Where are you?
There he is!
(gasps) mr. 
Patootie!
What do you know, he was down at the docks!
Aw, cutie patootie, I'm so glad you're safe and sound.
There you are, perry.
Cool, candace, you found your rabbit.
Oh, look, there he is.
My pet bunny, mr. 
Bigelow.
I've been looking everywhere for you!
Get over here, you naughty lagomorph!
But he's...
Do I have to?
Well, he is a lagomorph.
Oh, okay.
Here.
You've been a bad little bunny.
Now let's get you back to your special room.
I don't know, there was something weird about those two.
What do you mean, candace?
Rabbit owners come in all shapes and sizes.
A flight helmet and cowboy boots?
I think the tall one was wearing a wig.
And the other one had a false mustache.
(helicopter whirring)
Plus, they're leaving by helicopter.
You do realize that none of those observations
Disprove my statement, right?
All: 
Yeah.
Announcer:
Welcome to the 48th annual
Montevillebad grand prix pre race show.
Linda, darling, it's starting!
Coming to you, of course, from the coast of glamorous montevillebad.
A name that translates roughly as
"mountain village bath" in a variety of european languages!
Seven hours of racing jargon and mindless statistics, here we come!
Ooh! 
Snacks!
Mmm-hmm.
And they are race-themed.
Well, vroom-vroom.
And there's our pole-sitter, international racing legend paolo vanderbeek.
A household name.
Born in the scottish enclave
Of a swiss town in the italian alps to dutch parents.
Not only a king among drivers,
Paolo vanderbeek is also a beloved man of the people.
No one is more passionate about his sport or cares more about his fans
Than paolo vanderbeek, earning him the name the "king of care."
♪ gonna go get my bust on
♪ gonna get, gonna get, gonna get
♪ baw-ba-baw- baw-baw my bust on!
How can you go outside when it's grand prix day?
Uh, yeah, well, my pleather jumpsuit is at the cleaners
And I feel underdressed.
Oh, that's understandable, then.
Uh, she was being facetious, dear.
Oh, I see.
Well, doesn't look like there's anything bustable going on yet.
I guess I could kill a few.
Give it a chance, candace.
You might find it exciting.
Let's look at an incomprehensible map of the race course, shall we?
Nigel: 
I can't make heads or tails out of it.
You?
Ian: 
Uh, no clue, but no doubt it'll be exciting!
Oh, yeah, the excitement is killing me.
Seems like a good time to wonder where perry is.
Greetings from montevillebad, agent p.
You'll be joining us here for your mission, but the lines aren't secure.
So, we'll give you the details when you get here.
And to get you here in style,
We've provided you with a vintage 1963 olson martin!
So I'll see you after the wipe.
Hello, again, agent p!
International intel has indicated that doofenshmirtz
Is planning to sabotage paolo vanderbeek and enter the grand prix himself.
So, we need you to find out what doof is up to
While carl and I keep an eye on vanderbeek here at the race track, incognito.
Nifty disguise, huh?
Gives me a continental look, don't you think?
Anyway, doofenshmirtz is at the casino at l'hotel uber-swank.
Chorus:
♪ doofenshmirtz at a casino! 
♪
Male croupier:
Monsieur in the lab coat and bow tie wins again.
Man, I am on a roll!
Stupid game. 
I'll never play it again.
Ah, never say never!
Who's next?
Oh, a mysterious platypus to take my challenge!
Okay, I'll go first!
Male croupier:
Jeux de morpion!
Monsieur platypus in the tuxedo wins!
What?
Monsieur, there are no pets allowed in the casino.
What? 
He's not my mysterious platypus.
I didn't bring him in here. 
I'm just...
Oh, oh, oh, you mean the cat?
Yeah, my bad.
Look at all those cars in a line.
Nigel: 
The collective amount of horsepower is absolutely staggering.
And so (coughing) are the exhaust fumes.
You realize this is just a bunch of cars parked in a line?
Both: 
Yes!
Yes, we do.
(chattering)
(gasps) the mysterious platypus from the casino!
Perry the mysterious platypus from the casino?
Bet you're tired of standing around, aren't you?
See tires!
I thought it apropos.
You know, this being the grand prix and all.
Wait till you see my new lair.
Not too shabby.
Hey, norm, I'm back!
Look what I found!
Metal teeth!
(scoffs) you've always had metal teeth, norm.
Yes, but these are sharp.
What does that matter?
You can't open your mouth.
Here, grab perry the platypus.
Isn't this place fabulous?
I found it through an international lair exchange website.
It's even got its own rocket.
You know, I think I might've gotten the better end of this deal.
(groans)
Uh, anyway, you're gonna love it!
I was so impressed, I commissioned a whole new jingle!
♪ doofenshmirtz' swanky new evil lair!
Yeah, it's swanky!
♪ it's an even swap
♪ a variation on a timeshare
♪ he can use the kitchen and the hallway closet
♪ don't touch the rocket
♪ or you'll lose your deposit
♪ it's an old school evil hideout vacation swap
♪ it's an elegant lair with spectacular views
♪ but the carpets are white so please take off your shoes
♪ the wiring is new
♪ so you won't blow an electrical fuse
♪ it's a swanky new evil hideout vacation
♪ an old school evil hideout vacation
♪ yes, it's doofenshmirtz's evil hideout vacation swap
Yeah, look at these swanky moves!
♪ vacation swap ♪
Thanks, cheryl.
My real estate agent.
So, my evil plan.
As you may know, the montevillebad grand prix
Is a goodwill event, with all the prize money awarded
To the winner's favorite charity.
So I entered the race for my favorite charity,
Doofenshmirtz evil incorporated, namely me.
I'm the doofenshmirtz in doofenshmirtz evil... (stutters) you get it.
And check it out!
I re-engineered my buhmshlaka 320i to meet the grand prix specs.
I also added some extras that should take care of, like, 99% of the playing field.
There's still that 1%, paolo vanderbeek.
But, uh, I got something else to take care of him.
Behold!
My I-don't-care-inator!
It's not that I don't care, it creates apathy in whoever it hits.
It's a little esoteric,
I know, but trust me, it'll work.
I'll just zap paolo with this baby,
And suddenly he won't care about anything, and, uh,
Least of all racing.
I'll turn the "king of care"
Into the "king of I couldn't care less."
Which will pave the way for me to win the race
And the prize money for my favorite charity,
Which I think I said before is me.
Now, before I go, lest you try to escape,
I'll show you one more feature of this place.
Look, it's got its own shark tank!
(chuckling)
Okay, then, I'm off to the races.
Literally.
Hasta la pasta, baby.
Adrian: 
Welcome back, racing fans, to the montevillebad grand prix!
And the teams are making the final preparations before the start of the race.
Including our favorite, paolo vanderbeek.
Nigel: 
Just look at the amazing amount of care and attention
He pays to his fans and his car.
Listen to those fans, paolo! 
They love you.
(grunting) eh, who cares?
Adrian: 
What's this?
Paolo is walking away from the pit.
Nigel: 
And the race!
(chuckling) what a shot!
Norm, set me down next to the registration booth
And you go get the car ready.
Roger, wilco, sir.
(all screaming)
Adrian: 
Wait a second, there seems to be a last minute entry.
A heinz doofen...
Doofen... (mumbles) I'm hopeless with drusselsteinian names.
Hand that over, mate.
Let's see.
Dorkenshmitz?
Doofen...
Doofenshmun...
Doofenshmuntz?
No, that's utterly ridiculous.
Adrian: 
Whatever his name is, he's no vanderbeek, that's for sure.
Nigel: 
There's the flag.
And they're off!
Monogram: 
Psst!
Agent p, over here.
Doof has shot vanderbeek with some kinda...
Oh, right, he probably monologued his scheme to you already.
Anyhow, we need you to take vanderbeek's place in the race.
Get that inator and get back here
To reverse its effects so vanderbeek can finish the race
And defeat doofenshmirtz.
Carl has been trying to convince vanderbeek to get back in the race
Using his sophisticated powers of persuasion.
Come on, pretty please?
Pretty please with a cherry on top?
I'll be your best friend.
Yeah, you better get going, agent p.
You can use the disguise setting on your olson martin.
Wow! 
The resemblance is uncanny.
Good luck, agent p.
Nigel: 
What's this? 
Hello!
It looks like paolo vanderbeek is back in the race!
Wow, this isn't nearly as lame as I thought.
That's why our couch cushions are worn so unevenly,
Because we're always on the edge of our seats.
Doofenshmirtz: 
Let's see if I can rub this guy the wrong way.
(chuckling)
Nice bumpin' into ya.
Or maybe it's time to use a little elbow grease.
(tires squealing)
All right, smoke 'em if you got 'em.
Nigel: 
Approaching the phillips head turn, millimetrically perfect!
Adrian: 
Or .04 inches perfect for backward people
Who don't use the metric system.
Nigel: 
Dumpendork is gonna have his work cut out for him
If he wants to stay in the lead.
Uh, paolo vanderbeek!
He's back?
Eh, looks like I'm gonna have to throw the works at him.
There ya go.
Nigel: 
I say, that is an unprecedented amount of
Contact shunts and shenanigans.
Adrian: 
Shenanigans?
Ian: 
You don't think there's some sort of foul play afoot?
In grand prix racing?
Don't be ridiculous!
That kind of thing only happens in cartoons.
Looks like somebody needs another shot of the I-don't-care-inator!
Doofenshmirtz: 
Oh!
That's mine!
Adrian: 
And that last contact has put doofen... (stammers) spinning across the course.
Nigel: 
And vanderbeek is pulling into the pits.
What is wrong?
Come on, what are you, chicken?
(squawking)
Good work, agent p!
Now we just need you to...
Oh, okay, yeah, you got that covered too.
Bocce balls!
I cannot disappoint my fans!
Ian: 
Doifenshmoitz has got himself going again
With the help of an extremely large metal pit crew member.
This is without a doubt the weirdest race I've ever seen.
Grazie tanto, little beaver duck guy!
Ian: 
And paolo is back on the course.
Adrian: 
He'll have to really put his foot in
If he wants to catch doofenshmintz by the end of the race.
(chuckling)
Not to make excuses, but sometimes it's okay to be a little bit tacky.
Oh, maybe the tacks are supposed to be in the back.
Adrian: 
Dirkensplurtz has run himself off the course completely!
(speaking french)
Nigel: 
And vanderbeek pushes past, just in time to seize the checkered flag!
Well done!
All: 
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
What an exciting finish!
Go, paolo!
That was awesome!
Huh, I guess they're not doing anything today.
I am going to the mall and picking up a pleather jumpsuit.
Okay, did I win?
Oh, wait, no!
Oh, curse you, paolo vanderbeek!
You know, that just doesn't roll off the tongue
The way perry the platypus, perry the platypus, perry the platypus.
And on that bombshell, we bid farewell from glamorous montevillebad.
♪ doofenshmirtz' swanky new evil lair!
Yeah, it's swanky!
♪ it's an even swap a variation on a timeshare
♪ you can use the kitchen and the hallway closet
♪ don't touch the rocket
♪ or you'll lose your deposit
♪ it's an old school evil hideout vacation swap ♪

Life in a Fishbowl
I hear something!
- Yes!
- Yes, he's waking up!
- Yes, come on!
- What happened?
- Hey man, everything's ready up there.
- Yeah, he's waiting up there.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How'd it go?
- Just fine.
Great.
- Here you go.
- Isn't that way too much?
No, it's for last time, and the time before that.
Ok.
Hey, I'll talk to you later this week or something?
Sure...
Thanks for tonight.
- Take care.
- Yep, bye.
- Hello little night owl, are you still awake?
- Yep.
- How was it with Lena?
- Fun.
- Can't you sleep?
- No.
- Do you want me to read for you?
- Yes, "The Blue Planet".
"The Blue Planet"...
Do you remember what we were up to?
Weren't we...? 
We were reading the chapter about, there, the trees.
Ah yes... we're up to the part with Grim Bear.
- Hello, I'd like to deposit this.
- Right, what's the account number?
- It's 17-18.
- Eik?
Yes, here you are.
Yes, your payment service is down 47,000.
And your loan is overdue too.
Yeah... right. 
I'm a bit short just at the moment.
But I'm getting lots of extra work this month.
So I was wondering if there was any chance of raising my credit limit?
Just to cover this?
Until the rest comes in.
Right, I'll check.
Ok, that'll be fine. 
But this is the last time, because you've hit the limit now.
- But I'll, just put this in.
- Of course, yes.
- Why have you come in?
- Isn't it snack time?
Snack time?
That's not until half past.
Hey, Maísól. 
Sorry.
I just read the time wrong.
I'll come and get you again in a while.
Go outside again for now. 
Sorry.
- What?
- Seriously, there was this fucking wino perv, ...with blood here all over the place, trying to talk to her.
- Really? 
Where?
- Just here outside, I sent him on his way.
There.
- Where were you heading?
- Thinking of going to your place.
- Yeah sure. 
Party's over now.
- What, can't a guy sit in the front?
No, not now.
- Argh...
- Watch your head. 
Up you go!
- Right, that's it. 
Sit down now.
- Good evening.
- Let's just go up to the station.
- Yes yes, I've forgotten the...
- No wait! 
What what what?
- In the car, there's a postcard.
- Yeah?
- It's there on the dashboard.
- You want me to take it for you?
- Yes, you could do that.
Ok, wait here.
- Well then, shouldn't I blow?
- Blow?
- Yeah.
- No, there's no need for that, Móri.
Then should I suck the damn thing?
- Is that it, Móri?
- I think the poet's dead.
- "Life in a fishbowl"?
- Yes.
- This is my new favourite book.
- Really?
Yes, I mean it, this is just the best you've done by far.
- Since "Let me fall".
- You don't say.
I was on the verge of giving up on you...
But I think this is the book.
There's just one thing...
Wouldn't it be better to name the main character after you?
Everyone will realise anyway this is your story.
The way I see it...
The person who lived it isn't the same as the one who wrote it.
So I'd really rather...
Ok, we'll keep it exactly the way you want.
In fact, I don't think we need to edit this at all.
I hope you don't mind, I let a few in the office read it.
- And they were all...blown away.
- Ah...ok, really?
And what do you want me to do?
Drop my pants or something?
No, not again!
There's still a strange smell here.
No, I have nothing to add.
Just, congratulations.
Well, thank you very much.
Say, what's the time?
Half past 12.
Won't you join me at the bar then?
Skúli?
...except the next thing he knows, is that the guy, jumps onto the next train, and then the doors just shut, and he waves like this, wryly, while the train just heads off into eternity.
- Is that true?
- I swear.
And what did Hannes do?
Without a dog?
Well, naturally he sent her home on the next flight.
Can you imagine the look on the guy's face when he opened his bag and...
- Yes!
...and sees it there, Hanne's worthless, disgusting, staring out into the void.
If only he'd known that was the richest man in Iceland's most valuable possession.
Worth more than the bank itself.
- Hey there!
- How's it goin'?
- Great.
- How's everyone today?
- Just fine.
Listen, we're not drinking bloody spirits today.
- Oh?
Now we're gonna have whiskey...
Have you got any good whiskey?
12-year-old whiskey for them, for the boys.
- Whiskey?
- There's sense in that.
My shout. 
It's not often a guy can let himself go...
- Whiskey?
- No, no thanks.
- No. 
Make them triple.
- Triple? 
Ok.
And then she says:
"No, I've already called the cops, you're disturbing the people here trying to eat."
"You might be in charge of some restaurant", he says.
"But I'm in charge here, of a whole solar system, lady!"
That is so him man, completely.
You should listen to Móri man, he's really got it.
This has been bloody great.
I just need to be alone with my own thoughts now, Ok?
Hey, wait wait wait, aren't you coming to the liquor store with us?
- No, I can't be bothered.
- C'mon, please.
- I really can't be bothered man.
- C'mon, don't be like that man.
Hey wait. 
I'll lend you some.
Bloody hell, you're rich man!
- Yeah, what about it?
- No, give me a five thousand.
- No, I'm letting you have two thousand.
- Aren't we buddies?
- Yeah of course we are.
- Then lend us for a bottle.
Why don't I just give you an overdraught?
Móri...
What are you doing man?
Hey!
- Hi!
- Hello...
- What are you doing?
- I'm just watching what you're up to.
- Why?
- I just think you're so sweet.
- Uh-oh... did you hurt yourself?
- Ah, just a little. 
No problem.
Maísól, go inside for a bit.
There's... it's snack time.
- Hello, hello.
- Good morning.
- Do you know Maísól at all?
- That one? 
No, not really.
- No, just ogling children.
- What?
As if you didn't hear...
Don't you need to be somewhere?
- Can't I be here?
- I'm asking if you have somewhere else?
No, I'm just on my way home.
Right then. 
Wouldn't it be nice, if you just pissed off there then?
Sölvi...?
- What?
- Is everything right?
Yes, I just don't feel like going in.
No, I know. 
But shouldn't we just make the most of this?
I mean, if it's dreadful, we just go home.
- Promise?
- Of course.
Let's just enjoy being together, Ok?
Hey! 
See that one there in the snakeskin boots.
- That's Hannes.
- No way!
Breathe in, breathe out...
Feel my lips, then head straight for me...
- Aren't you gonna leave some for me?
- Yes, this is, well, my boss.
- Siggi.
- Hello, Agnes.
Agnes, I know all about that...
Nice to meet you.
- Yes, you too.
- How are you? 
How do you like it?
- It's just fine.
- Isn't it?
- It's just...
- Are you happy?
- Yes I am.
- And how's the set of wheels?
- Well, it's just...
Isn't it? 
I told you so...
Hey Sölvi, I should introduce you to Hannes it's about time he met our star...
Hannes, Sölvi.
- This is so good for the baby's blood.
- What did you say?
This is so good for the baby's blood.
See, she kicks.
Just what the doctor ordered.
Yes...
Cheers, everyone now...
You're wonderful.... cheers!
And if this keeps going so well, the guy in the snakeskin boots will have to dish out higher bonuses...
Just so that's clear...
But we have another reason to celebrate...
We have a new centre in the team!
You might have noticed him, he has a Colgate smile and beautiful blue eyes.
And I've noticed in the short time he's been here, he knows quite a bit more than how to kick a ball around...
Though I wouldn't mind having him in the company football team with me.
The trophy home!
I finalised the transfer yesterday, straight from the national team...
Sölvi, come on up and show yourself, don't be shy.
I promise I haven't whipped his ass yet... so that remains...
Girls, other than Agnes...
Sorry Agnes.... 
Right, that's all.
Cheers for Sölvi and enjoy the evening!
Cheers!
- Are you annoyed I left you behind?
- No, I wasn't alone of course.
I was with the pregnant woman drinking red wine, and watching...
- You know how these parties are.
- Yes, I know.
Kiss me.
Hey, look. 
Do this.
- "My name in Sölvi".
- My name is Sölvi.
"And I'm never going to wear snakeskin boots."
And I'm never going to wear snakeskin boots.
- "...because they are obscene".
- Because they're obscene.
Right. 
Don't lose the wife just because of some snakeskin boots.
- And I don't want to lose my wife... ever.
- Right, no snakeskin boots.
After party?
- Darling...
- Yes.
- How do you know him?
- Well.
That's the guy I was telling you about, that's him.
Maísól, take the cake to Katla in the sandpit and tell her it's ready.
That's the fucking creature who was trying to entice her!
That's Móri. 
The writer.
- No.
- No?
Is he some kind of fucking perv, or what?
He's just a wino, I don't think he's any perv.
We should still keep an eye on him, if he comes back.
- Hi!
- Hi.
- How was school?
- Fun.
Great
Mum. 
Come here.
I know you'll say no, but if I promise to go straight to sleep, can I chose a movie?
Mum?
What? 
No, it's... no, not now.
But Mum, can I have a lollypop then?
A lollypop? 
You know you're not allowed a lollypop.
- But Mum, why?
- Because there's sugar in it as you know.
- But Mum!
- Heiða!
But you're buying some chocolate yourself!
- I didn't buy any!
- Are you having me on?
!
- But Mum!
- Don't, I'll buy you a carrot. 
Please stop this!
- A carrot? 
But that's not nice!
- Sure it is! 
It's very nice!
Yeah, yeah...
- So, how are rehearsals going?
- Fine.
Heiða, can you eat your dinner please?
So, do you get a wand and everything?
- Yep, I'm making one.
- Ok.
And then I get a really amazing dress...
- And maybe wings.
- Great!
That's really great, and hey, when's the show?
It's in a month.
Getting close.
- Is someone coming?
- Yes, Lena will be with you tonight.
- Are you working?
- Yes.
- I don't want you to go to work.
- Heiða, I won't be long.
I'm just going for a little while.
You know I need to go.
Now eat your dinner.
What kind of bloody ambition is this?
Just trying, finish this report for Hannes.
- Right, and how do you like the office?
- It's great!
- Isn't it? 
And the car?
- Runs like a dream!
Hey, you know things often happen quickly here...
It's just a question of being a team player, and you know that of course.
- Sure.
Those who work hardest, have it the best.
Sky is the limit.
Didn't I have a toothpick, dammit?
Let me see. 
Yes, here...
Listen, something just landed on my desk.
A very exciting project.
I need a kind of centre to finish it for me.
What project?
Very wealthy. 
Foreign investors, building a hotel downtown, and me and my colleague are going to see this through for them.
The bank owns a stack of property there but we need to clear out the rest.
- And what is it you'd like me to do?
- Just contact the owners and make an offer.
And this is for the bank? 
It's just...
I'm up to my neck with this report...
Don't worry about this report, I mean, I'll talk to Hannes.
Just contact the people, do a deal with them, try to get the best possible deal, and if they won't give in, tighten the screws a little.
I mean, there's plenty of funds for this.
Ok, let me have the details and I'll get it done.
There aren't really details, just addresses.
Here. 
You just contact the people.
What, doesn't Agnes like the new car, or what?
Yes, yes.
What is it? 
You're so serious man.
Like a German on summer holiday...
- Get this done. 
Ok.
- Mm-hm...
"Mum, I forgot to comb my hair.
- You need to do that now!
We're running too late!"
- Is there me kind of argument?
- No Dad. 
I was just playing with my Barbies.
- Ah, I see. 
Listen, can I sit for a bit.
- Yeah.
- "You can't do that to your own daughter!" 
- Yes I can!"
Kolla, I just need to talk to you for a minute.
How'd you like to go on a holiday this summer?
- I'd like that.
- Just the two of us.
- Mum won't come with us?
- No, it's not possible at the moment...
But, I've found a place, that looks like this.
Wow!
It's a kind of adventure island called Sardinia.
And this beach is called Paradise Beach.
And the sea there is so warm you can swim in it.
- And there are fish, but no sharks.
- Just as well.
You know we're getting a divorce, that takes a toll on her!
- Don't be so stuck up your own ass!
- That's exactly why she needs her Dad!
Yes, but not some place as far away as possible from her mother!
Mum...
Aren't you asleep my love?
Is everything alright?
Next up is Móri, give him a round of applause.
"The wind's question:
I'm tom in two,
And fall into the murky lake.
Come half-way up,
And the soul sunk into a mill.
The trees shed tears.
The rocks bleed.
The cold bites at wounds.
But in the wind chimes.
Whether this disc of ice, be a mirror of my hovering self.
My hands - never as empty.
Tongue never as speechless.
And still I stare. 
Through the ice.
And the greens are at the bottom.
Looking for you,
And hoping the ice breaks."
Thank you.
- Have you found the owners?
- Yes, a few of them.
- I just wanted to finish the report first.
- What report?
The analysis.
I wanted to got it off my desk before diving into the other project.
Do you have this report or?
Can I see it?
There are a few things I have to point out.
I'll have a look through it and then pass it on to Hannes.
- It's just...
- Relax!
Find these people, buy the properties.
Gústi, we're gonna kill you!
Siggi, did you manage to go through the report?
Yes! 
You did a fantastic job.
A little too much doomsday prophecy, for my taste at least.
But I lifted the numbers a little, within the margins, before Hannes got to see it.
We don't freak out the investors, right?
Come on boys! 
Let's nail these losers!
Damn! 
C'mon boys!
Bloody fuckface!
- Gústi! 
Is he in your department, that idiot?
- Dive, dive.
- Thanks for the game.
- You too, good to get some opposition.
I'm not sure how much opposition that was...
People get completely out of control in this game.
It's rubbish, they should ban all these low tackles, and the insults.
Men calling each other "fuckface" and carrying on.
Exactly, Siggi should be banned from playing football of course.
- Have you finished the report?
- Yes, Siggi took it.
- And how does it look?
- Not good.
But Siggi managed to fix it a little.
- Do you have a copy for me?
- Yes, but won't the investment get it anyway?
Yes, but perhaps I'd like to see your version.
Ok, I'll send it to you.
So my man.
- You did well, cheers.
- Gústi, this was not good.
You're screwed up Sigurður.
I'm just grateful to have both feet.
Yes, you just need to call your mother.
Hey, you're coming with us to Florida right?
- What? 
Florida?
- He's all in.
- To Florida?
- Yes, 2nd weekend in November. 
We'll go then.
- Well, I'll check my calendar.
- Yeah, and pencil the trip in.
- See if we can find a sitter.
- No need for that, Agnes stays home.
This is just business - guys only.
We're not taking the kids with us.
- Gústi, are we?
- No.
Good to have someone sensible come along.
What was the score?
4-0 or what? 
4-2.
My dear man...
- Siggi was happy with the report.
- Mhm?
Just needed to make a few little adjustments.
Yes, Ok.
Yes...
And I'm invited on a business trip, with the boys, to Florida next month.
Really?
Am I invited?
- No, it's just a business trip darling.
- What bullshit.
- So, when do you go?
- The second weekend.
- In?
- Next month.
- On Maísól's birthday?
- Shit.
I have to go...
- Agnes...
- Yeah, you don't say.
But we always wake on the same floor again, and stare into each other through, at nothing.
Good evening.
Right then, here's a nature poem.
Composed after a brief encounter with a prima donna.
She loves lollypops...
But doesn't like mine.
Excuse me.
Excuse me?
- Is it going a bit slow?
- Eh, yes.
- Man, here.
- Yes.
So it's just self service?
It's most often like that unfortunately.
Thanks for that...
- Hello, I'm Eik.
- Hello, Þormóður.
You're working at the preschool by the pond, right?
Yep, is that why you're always hanging about outside the preschool?
Yeah, right... 
But how is it, did you report me?
No...
That nasty guard dog there, really barked at me.
No, he just didn't know who you were, right?
Thought you were just some old perv.
Yeah, who knows.
She loves lollypops...
So what? 
That's just an innocent nursery rhyme.
So, are you, are you alone or?
Yes, isn't a man always alone?
Some kind of conspiracy theory or something?
No, look, if you consider this, some shy ear model always disappears.
You've noticed this.
Ear model?
Then the main character goes, goes, goes on some trip, meets some really strange person...
You're spilling that on me!
And then nobody knows whether the character is just in his mind or not.
Then the story's over.
Yes but...
That's so interesting!
It's strange, that's why it's so interesting.
- Because it's so strange.
- Yes.
It's like she's letting you in somewhere, into a colourful dream, in each book, it doesn't get much more personal than that.
Yes, dreams are the stuff that nourish us all.
That much is certain!
But aren't you going to publish something?
Soon? 
It's been a while since the last one.
- Am I suddenly up for discussion?
- Yes.
Well, something is coming out in fact.
- Oh?
- A book, yes.
So, was there some kind of block?
- No, or... maybe I just created a block.
What?
Listen... 
Wait.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Sorry.
Where do you live?
- That's a slightly existential question.
- Is it?
Just here, there and everywhere, and nowhere, or something.
Do you want to come over for coffee?
No, I think I'll call it a night.
For coffee.
Come on, hands off! 
I'm not about to, to fuck you or anything...
- Just for coffee.
- Coffee you say?
You can have the couch.
Do you have milk?
I have milk.
It doesn't need to be breast milk, just regular milk will do.
And honey?
I have honey!
For you? 
I don't know...
Do you drink milk and honey?
In coffee?
This is crazy.
- Rough night?
- Bloody hell.
Well Hannes went through that report...
he was thrilled with it.
He wasn't surprised or anything?
No no. 
There's so much going on here that you've got no idea about...
Look, they're going to build the hotel here, here's where the main entrance will be, and then the big tower, here behind, and then here some car park or something.
We thought this preschool here would be a problem, but it tumed out not to be, but this house here, and the big house on Vonarstræti, they have to sell...
My daughter's at that preschool.
Well, she'll just have to go somewhere else.
The owners here need to be convinced to sell, no matter what.
- Don't people find this a bit tasteless?
- Tasteless?
I don't know about that.
I'm no architect.
But this is a five-star hotel you know, this isn't some dive.
Look, I've got the names, I'll see what I can do Monday...
But how far above the market price can I go?
Just don't sound desperate, try to keep it under double.
And we'll try to finish this before Florida, ok? 
Florida!
That's for real!
Florida! 
Let's nail this before then.
- Good morning 
- Good morning.
Well then, this is just like at a hostel.
- How was the couch?
- The couch was unusually good.
- What do you have, a little girl?
- Yes.
Didn't I tell you that yesterday?
- Yes, you told me that, yes.
- Yes, I think so.
Perhaps you told me her name too?
Yes, I think so too...
Exactly.
She's called Heiða, she's 8.
Right! 
Young mother.
Yeah yeah, I'm 24 now.
But yes - rather young.
- 24, yeah...
- And what, is it her Dad-weekend?
- No, she doesn't have anyone like that.
- No one like that, no.
- She's just at her Granddad's.
- Really? 
Does he live here in the neighbourhood?
- No, they live at Garðar, out on the Peninsula.
- Alright, yes.
- Where the streets are paved with gold.
- Yes, just about.
- It's a grand stronghold, the Peninsula.
- Yes. 
Yes, I'm afraid so.
Mum's father built that in his time.
Right, and what's his name?
Þorsteinn.
- Really, you don't mean Blöndal?
- Yes.
So Lilja's your mother?
Yes... eh, would you like an aspirin or?
No, I've got my own medicine, such as it is.
Right, so that's how it is... well now!
Wow!
- Just right to the top of the glass.
- Yes, just a little top-up...
- What good it is...
- Would you like some coffee, Dad?
And what does little Heiða have to say about that?
C'mon, won't you show me again?
Again?
What's happening here?
No, here's the coin, how can that be?
That's no small amount.
- Come on.
- Eik. 
Eik, darling.
What's wrong with you girl?
The man is seriously ill.
Are you blind? 
Or are you just astronomically stupid?
!
What on earth's the matter with you?
Can't you think of anyone but yourself?
- It's here.
- Yes, you did it splendidly.
- You're driving.
- Yes.
Wow!
When are we moving into something like this, my love?
- Give a guy about a year.
- A year?
!
- Well, no leaving me behind alone.
- Yeah, sure.
- Hi.
- Hello there. 
Welcome!
I've been so excited about having you over, now it's party time!
It's not often you get to let go!
Last time we went, the Bergmans met us at the airport in Orlando.
And we thought they'd just come and get us in a normal car.
But no no! 
They led us to a luxury apartment on wheels!
It was completely ridiculous, you know, a bus with a bar and living room, white leather couches absolutely unbelievable.
And there was just, you name it, right?
With everything, flat screen TV.
- And Mrs Bergmann had her hands full.
- Yes, you know, just bringing us drinks.
And then there was the bedroom with a round bed, also leather.
Hey, don't you think you've had enough, darling? 
Well?
Eh, yeah, leather and, well, what was I going to say? 
Yes!
We were on our way to the hotel, in the bus, and over the intercom comes:
"Now, you have to watch out because now the road narrows!"
And we were just, "What does he mean?"
- So, then he pushes some button...
- And the bus shrinks!
I'm not kidding, it contracted.
It was too wide for the road or something.
The windows shifted, and the couches drew closer, and the bar closed.
- It was just like that scene, you know?
- That scene in the garbage disposal.
- Yes, in "Star Wars"!
- Exactly, in "Star Wars".
That was some crazy shit!
So, the question is whether we'll be greeted that way when we go to Florida now, Sölvi? 
Well?
Are you going to Florida? 
When?
- Just next week.
- Next week?
Next week? 
You know I'm due next week.
Yes darling, don't worry about that, ok?
We have people to deal with that, right?
This is just a kind of mini annual party then?
Business by day, and pleasure by night...
Agnes, don't worry about this, ok?
You look kind of worried, are you?
- Let me see. 
Do I see worries?
- No no.
- No, I'll look after the boy, right?
- Yes, no worries about that.
- Listen, cheers!
- Cheers!
Hi, this is Eik, I can't come to the phone right now, but please leave a message and I'll try to get in touch.
Yes, good evening.
It's Þormóður Thorlacius here.
It's, yes, I was...
The book I was talking about the other day,
I found here a copy of "Let me fall".
Perhaps I could bring it over for you? 
Or...
Somehow... 
So, well...
That was all.
Right then...
Bye.
So, I'll be leaving then...
Eik.
How's next weekend for you?
Which day were you thinking?
The whole weekend.
Thursday to Monday, 5 days.
- What do you mean 5 days?
- Have you ever been to Florida?
Hello?
Yes, hello? 
Eik?
No, she's not home.
She's working.
I'm a friend of hers and have a book for her.
Yes... eh, she's just not home.
Can't I come up and leave the book for her?
No, I'm not letting you in.
you could be some wino.
Yes, I could be that, yes.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- I decided to bring you the book.
- Yes.
I hope you don't mind I decided to wait for you.
I didn't really have anything else to do.
Don't you want to come in?
Yes, thank you. 
I'd like that.
- Hello, I am home.
- Hi.
Good evening.
This is the book then...
Yes, I'm Þormóður... 
Thorlacius.
- Lena.
- Hi Lena.
Thanks, talk to you in just a second...
Sorry, I'm just gonna jump in the shower.
- How's it going with the houses?
- It's going well, I've nailed two.
Ok.
People cave when you offer double.
Like they've won lotto.
But I haven't been able to get a hold of the third owner: 
Þormóður Thorlacius.
- Yes, Móri, the poet.
- He owns the house?
Yes, clearly.
- Don't you have his number?
- Yes, but it's only a home phone.
He doesn't have a mobile... 
He's a typical artist, never answers the phone.
- You'll manage it, just find him at the pub.
- Yes, of course.
Hey, Florida, aren't you excited?
Yes, there's been quite a build up at least.
Yes, if you like the sound of the bus, just wait till you see the Viking.
What? 
Viking? 
What's that?
It's the yacht.
It's a floating penthouse.
- Is that where we stay?
- No, no.
That's where the party is.
After the meeting.
Meeting? 
I don't even know what we're doing there.
You'll meet my partner in this hotel deal, among other things.
What, is he American?
No, Icelandic. 
A real shark.
He owns the yacht.
But it's not official, so perhaps keep it to yourself.
Well, it's got everything, you know?
Everything. 
Anything you want.
It's almost like Benetton:
"All the colours of the world."
You're the man for it, aren't you?
Come on. 
Out of town doesn't count.
Nothing wrong.
- Good morning.
- Hi Mum.
- What are you watching?
- Just the morning show.
I see you've had Cheerios.
- Yes, we were too hungry.
- Yes, I understand that.
- The coffee's hot too. 
If you like.
- Well, Ok.
Sorry about how grumpy and unfriendly
I was last night when I came home.
No, no. 
It's no trouble at all.
What's...
So, were you working?
Yes.
I sometimes take on extra work as a waitress at a restaurant.
Right...
I have...
I have just thought of one thing...
I've never heard anyone read my poems as elegantly as last night, so I was kinda wondering how you feel about performance art?
Performance art? 
Why?
Some arts students are getting together to interpret my poems at the library later on.
and I was stupid enough to say I'd show up.
And I'm afraid I might die of boredom, unless I have some good company.
So I was wondering if you and Heiða would come?
- Do you need to go?
- Yes my darling, it's a work trip.
I'll speak to Grandpa and see if he can stay with you,
I'm sure you can do something really fun together.
Ok.
Then maybe I can buy something nice for you.
And maybe an amazing Christmas present.
- And a Christmas tree too?
- I'm not buying a Christmas tree in Florida.
But yes, perhaps I can buy a Christmas tree when we get back.
Your turn.
Switches to clover.
- Are you going with Móri?
- No, I will not going with Móri.
Is he your boyfriend?
No my love, he's not my boyfriend, Ok?
- We're just good friends.
- But you're almost always together.
Heiða...
We just like talking and stuff.
Your turn.
- I've got hearts.
- Me too.
I'm not doing to have a chance, am I?
- Dad?
- Yes.
Oh, hi darling!
Listen. 
You have to excuse the other day, we didn't know he'd be here.
- I understand, I know.
- He just dropped in.
Yes, I didn't mean to be so rude. 
I just...
You know, I just don't want him to be...
No, I know.
Let's just sit down inside.
Well...
I was hoping you'd do me a favour?
Yes?
I was hoping Heiða could stay with you this weekend?
- Yes, of course! 
What will you be doing?
- Going on a work trip.
- Yes, and where are you going?
- To Florida.
- With the preschool?
- No.
This is some extra work I've been doing.
I've been waitressing in the evenings and this is some kind of Icelandic party, that needs lots of Icelandic waiters. 
And it's well paid.
Ok.
What did she want now?
Heiða's staying with us on the weekend.
Eik's going on a work trip.
You know Dad will be with us then?
What? 
This weekend?
Yes, he's coming off the drug treatment.
I couldn't let him be alone.
No, no.
Of course we can't allow that.
She doesn't need to know.
Þormóður?
Let me guess...
Dead on your feet. 
The wife gone, and you're at the bar,
Wearing your poetry scarf and everything.
- You clearly make up words for a living.
- Yes, aren't I?
- That's all correct except about the wife.
- Well, that's good.
- Can I offer you a drink?
- No, I'm driving.
Yes, right. 
Listen, another Smirnoff for me.
- I've been trying to get a hold of you.
- Really?
- Yes, it's about your house on Vonarstræti.
- Oh, well.
I have a few wealthy investors who want to buy it, for a good price.
Ah, so that's it. 
I thought you were going to arrest me.
- No, but you live there, don't you?
- I've been known to.
Well, let's see. 
The market value's 65 million.
There's nothing owing on the house, so the money goes straight into your pocket.
Straight or not straight, that's not my concern. 
That house isn't for sale.
- But you'll think about it, won't you?
- No.
- 100 million.
- No, my friend.
150 million.
No, let's just pretend now that this conversation never happened.
Ok, but listen, think about it at least.
Take my card and just get in touch, when you've had a chance to consider it a little better.
It's on the second floor otherwise, the Sunday school.
- Hello?
- Hi. 
It's Þormóður Thorlacius here.
- Armed with a red.
- Come up.
Elegant.
A guy doesn't like to go on about himself endlessly.
Have you ever written anything?
No... 
Well, yes, I was always writing... before.
What then? 
Stories or poetry?
Both, you know... stories and poetry.
More poetry perhaps.
- That's something I'd like to see.
- No, I don't think so.
- I have it here somewhere but I, well, no...
- What is it? 
Don't be like that.
- No, I can't be here while you read it.
- What is it? 
You trust me don't you?
- Ok. 
Ok, one poem.
- Agreed.
Ok... 
But you're not allowed to laugh.
And you're not allowed to read it out loud.
Let's see...
Yes, it already looks promising.
Well then, you're quite a writer.
Thought I haven't come across these kinds of techniques in quite some time...
Yes, it might... better if... we'd just...
Ok.
So...
Alright.
Guess what Heiða asked the other day?
Well, what?
She asked if you were my boyfriend.
Ah, and what did you say?
I just said we were good friends.
Exactly. 
And shouldn't we keep it that way?
- Heiða, wait a minute.
- No, I'm going in. 
Take my bag.
Heiða!
How's my little princess?
- Have you come to stay?
- Yes!
Hi, darling.
- Is he here?
- What?
- Þorsteinn?
- Yes...
Weren't you going to tell me?
He's in bad shape. 
You don't have to worry about anything.
- Worry about what?
! 
Dad...
- He's extremely ill, Eik.
Eik, please. 
For my sake, please.
Mum! 
Do you have to come and ruin my holiday at Grandma's?
- I'm not supposed to stay here?
- No!
- Oh Mum!
- Stop it!
Get in the car!
- I thought I was going to stay there!
- No!
Hi, Móri?
- It's just a work trip.
- Is it what you were doing the other day?
- Yes, extra work.
- I see...
Has this restaurant moved to Florida then?
No... 
It's an Icelandic party.
That wants to have Icelanders serving... 
Icelanders.
- Yes, they need serving.
- Mmm...
- So that's it.
- Will you do this for me?
Yes, of course.
It's just that...
I have nothing to offer.
No, you just stay at my place.
- Ok...
- Yes? 
You are completely saving me!
You're sure you want to do this?
Yes.
- Aren't they?
- Yes.
What's this, aren't you going to take pants with you, my love?
- Bloody hell.
- What?
No, I'll just wear these and take my suit.
Are you gonna get around in your underwear?
No, it's just better to go with an empty case.
I'll buy things there...
with the dollar so low.
And are you going to buy something cool for your daughter too?
Agnes, seriously, are you going to make a big deal of this?
I'm not making a big deal of it, I'm just saying she's going to miss you on her birthday.
- Don't you think I feel bad about this too?
- Darling, it's fine, just buy something nice.
This is work.
Should I pack on my own or what?
Hey, we're here!
Here he is. 
Come on, my man.
- Sölvi.
- Yes?
Cheers. 
To KKK.
Siggi, my friend!
Welcome back!
- It's good to see you.
- Good to see you too.
- This is Sölvi.
- Hi, Sölvi. 
I'm Gerald.
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you. 
You're the new guy.
Have you ever been to the Bahamas before?
- No, I haven't.
Now you're in for a treat, my friend.
Gerald, he's the main guy here.
If you need anything, just talk to him.
Anything goes...
Welcome... to "The Viking"!
Champagne everybody!
Cheers!
Where's the music?
- You did a good job today.
- Thanks.
I thought Siggi was going to lose it when you stepped in and nailed it.
Yeah, a man does what a man's gotta do.
Exactly, that's how it works.
A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
Sometimes you have to play these games.
Looked at your report. 
We have to show Hannes. 
I don't think we can fix it.
This is what I like, real Icelandic seamen, pissing in the salty sea!
Exactly, the party waits.
Sölvi.
You did well today, yeah?
You fixed it.
Just never do that again without talking to me first.
- What, are you leaving?
- Yes.
Aren't you going to watch when I free Willy?
Abra kadabra!
From mouse to prize stallion!
Fantastic!
You have to come and see the play.
Of course.
Do you think I'd miss it?
What's this?
This is a little adventure island called Sardinia.
And this beach here is called Costa Paradiso, or Paradise Beach.
Wow!
This is the best place in the whole wide world.
- Wouldn't it be fun to go there?
- Mhm.
- Are we going to see a movie?
- Yes, let's watch "Cinderella".
- Again?
- Yes, it's so much fun!
And I have to practise for the play.
Perhaps she won't lose her shoe this time, she's already lost it so many times...
Then we'll get ready for bed.
- Yes.
- Yes...
- What happens?
- Look here.
Here you are.
Hello? 
Shh, guys!
The child's asleep here!
- Hey, light it again.
- Get out, out!
- What?
!
- Get the fuck out of here!
What's going on?
!
I was just saying how fine you were!
Get the hell out of here!
Siggi, I have to introduce somebody to you.
Siggi , I searched the Caribbean left to right...
And this, Siggi, is Sophie.
Madame Sophie.
Siggi, Siggi, Siggi.
I think she's one of the most beautiful girls you've ever...
I love when you talk dirty, but I don't understand a fucking word, man!
Aren't we going to do this like adults?
Hadn't we already talked about this?
I should be able to hold a party and meet other people, just as much as you.
And be completely drunk with Kolla here in her room?
- Sölvi, Sölvi come here.
- You keep it warm.
Come on. 
This here is my partner.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- I've heard good things about you, little.
- I do my best.
I heard everything went well in Florida today.
Absolutely, me and you!
The boy. 
I just left the boy to it!
He's so charming he just blows the Americans away.
Fantastic. 
So Sölvi, have you picked one out?
- What?
- They're not here to scrub.
No no.
- Ah ok, a man of taste.
- No no, I was just...
No no, seriously, Sölvi... what?
Hi, my name is Sölvi.
Yes, I know that much.
- No, sorry. 
Icelandic? 
Yes, of course.
- Yes, Eik. 
Hi.
- Have we met before?
- Well, met and not met mean...
Sölvi, my man.
So...
You've graduated. 
You've learned lesson 1 about "The Viking".
You've got "the sea".
You've met "the C".
Or you need just a vitamin C.
So, here you go, my friend.
Enjoy. 
Welcome to the club.
- Thank you.
- Go for it.
- Wow. 
This isn't exactly my scene.
- What is this?
- Is it cocaine or what?
- Yeah, I think so.
Where on Earth are we?
We've landed at a party with the most powerful men in Iceland.
- Cheers to that.
- Cheers...
You know what? 
Maybe I should just let him fuck me just like you're fucking...
You know what? 
Just go fuck him!
- Just fuck him, but not in here!
- Are you a half-wit or what?
!
Fuck him!
Go fuck him, you fucking cunt! 
Fuck!
- Are you out of your mind?
!
- Are you? 
Fucking hell!
- Bloody shit.
- Bloody... hey.
You half-wit!
Móri?
I need some soda.
- White for you.
- Can we go somewhere, please?
Sölvi, Sölvi. 
This is Kamilla.
She was studying law.
No, I'll talk to you too later on, yes!
Bloody disgusting!
She bit me, the cunt!
What should I do?
!
Calm down! 
Just calm the hell down!
Móri?
Hey, you!
Don't we need to have a talk?
Tóti? 
Tóti!
Kolla?
Wait!
Kolla, come on. 
Listen to me.
Forgive me.
Please, Kolla.
It's way too cold to be out.
Come home.
Let's not be on the ice now.
Kolla, sorry we were fighting.
Kolla? 
Kolla!
Tell me, is your name really Eik?
- Is that some kind of pick-up line or what?
- No, I'm just asking...
You know, whether it's, some kind of working name.
Are you called something else at your work?
No, my name is just Eik.
So now you know who I am, I know who you are.
I don't know who you are at all.
Your name is Eik, and..?
And Zophoníasardóttir.
- Mhm, and?
- And...
And, I'm Þorsteinn Blöndal's granddaughter.
Wow...
Of course! 
That's why you're here.
- What?
- No, sorry, I thought you were here...
No, I just thought you were... 
Wow!
Maybe I am just...
Aren't we all here in some other capacity?
Yes, I suppose so.
And you? 
What are you doing here?
Why did you quit football and become some responsible bank employee?
- Big shot banker.
- Big shot? 
Yes, of course.
No, I just got injured and...
I was offered a job here at the bank.
Blah blah blah...
- What? 
I want to listen, I'm asking.
- No
- What? 
It's interesting.
- Yeah right.
"...and then I got injured and everything went down the sink, and..."
The bank employee got injured...
did you get crutches?
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- What, are you heading out?
- No, I'm gonna walk to the hotel.
Can I invite you over? 
It's right nearby.
- Actually, I'm just a bit further along.
- Oh, come on. 
I'll shout you a taxi.
A gentleman!
- Yes, when a man's overseas.
- Of course.
This is pretty much finished.
- Nice hotel.
- Yes.
I think, I should just... go home.
- No no, you're definitely not going home.
- Sölvi, it's so late.
I have, up in my room, a whole bar that needs working on, it won't drink itself.
I'll just take this win with me.
- I have some, I have some.
- What were you going to say?
- Wait, before I get more blisters.
- Sorry.
- Let me do it.
- Yes, like that.
Kolla! 
Kolla, my dear...
Come home, my darling Kolla.
No... 
Kolla!
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
- This isn't bad.
- No.
Look I, I ordered a taxi for you.
Yes...
Ok.
Didn't quite expect it would end up like this, perhaps...
No no, I see exactly what's going on.
You don't have to worry about this...
I won't tell Agnes anything about this.
What did you say?
I won't tell Agnes anything about this, if that's what you think.
Agnes? 
How do you know her?
I don't know her.
I just work at the preschool...
Are you kidding me?
No, you know what?
Just forget about it.
- Hi Mum.
- Hi darling!
- Hi.
- Hello.
I'm sorry Dad.
This was a complete mess-up.
A mess-up? 
This was more than a mess-up, she had an episode!
- This could have ended up much worse.
- I know!
Are they the sort of men you want your child to be around?
Sorry.
I think it's your daughter you should apologise to...
Can you jump in the car, darling?
I'm just gonna talk to Grandpa. 
Ok?
Bye Grandpa.
This might be hard for you to understand, but I trust Móri a lot more than Granddad.
Your Granddad isn't here.
Hasn't been here at all.
What?
He's dying.
The doctors give him a few days.
Your mother's been up at the hospital all weekend.
At last.
Eik, darling. 
Eik, he...
He wants to see you.
No.
I think you should go, Eik.
I really do.
- Hi darling.
- Hi Dad.
- How's my Little princess?
- Just great!
- Great? 
Good to see you.
- Yes.
- Happy birthday.
- Thanks.
Listen, I've got a little something for you...
- Would you like to see? 
Are you sure?
- Yes, yes.
Is it the exact one you wanted?
Do you think you can hold it?
Let me see.
- Wow! 
Did you get a house?
- Look.
Lucky.
Why don't you go in with the house? 
It's so cold.
Hi.
I also got a little something for you.
Heidi Klum.
Sölvi... 
SMS?
Then we tried to call you, and you didn't answer your phone once.
Well... 
I just...
Maísól waited to hear from you the whole day yesterday.
She waited so long she fell asleep holding the phone.
I know, I was busy. 
I was in meetings all day yesterday, darling.
You know how it is with these trips, always at some meeting, stuck there.
- On her birthday?
- And then there just wasn't a signal.
When I went to phone you when I got back and...
No signal?
Agnes?
- We'll take a look at it then, Ok?
- Yes.
Agnes, talk to me.
Sölvi, no signal? 
That's the best you could come up with?
What do you mean? 
I was in meetings, then tried to phone you but my phone had no signal.
There's a signal in the Whale-Fjord tunnel, but no signal in Florida? 
None at all?
I sent that message, then I was in a meeting, then there's the time difference...
What should I have done?
Sölvi, you phone your daughter on her birthday, you don't send a message.
Do you think I didn't want to call?
I told you why didn't you call me?
We called you again and again.
You know it. 
You never answered!
Do you want to see my phone?
Not one missed call here.
- What have you had? 
A whole day to delete that?
- Here. 
Do you want to check my Gmail too?
What is wrong with you?
You know what Sölvi, I'm not an idiot...
And I know exactly what goes on during these bloody business trips!
- What exactly do you think I am?
- You know what Sölvi? 
I just don't know.
Hi darling, shall we check out the house?
What do you think?
What have we got here?
Wow!
Well Dad, Eik is here.
Well...
Well, what am I doing here?
Well?
What would you like to say?
Did you want to say...
"Sorry"?
Sorry... for having me... jerk you off when I was, what... six?
Or when you... fucked me the first time?
But then I was already 11, naturally.
Really dodge the bullet, and for everything...
Everything that you've...
For everything... that you've...
He didn't stop until I was 15.
It's been quite a trip, hasn't it?
Is that the only thing you've..?
Yeah, hum...
What's this?
What is it?
It's nothing.
It's nothing that matters anymore.
- Don't you look great.
- Dad did it.
Around the world, all around the world...
What do you think this is?
Do you think it's just the body? 
No, or...
- Dots!
- Dots, yes, exactly.
- And the ghosts can't touch them.
- They can't touch?
Morning.
- Can I've a quick word with you?
- Sure. 
Keep doing the jigsaw?
Sorry, how this was all, well...
What the fuck were you thinking?
You see my child every day.
My wife too, and then you just fuck me like nothing matters?
!
Who do you think you are?
You'd better keep your mouth shut about this!
And don't speak to us when we come to pick her up, Ok?
- Right then, Hannes wants to meet us.
- What?
- Yep, it's happening.
- Now?
- Sölvi, are you backing out?
- No no, I'm on.
So, come on.
Agnes?
We should talk.
This has been rough for us.
I haven't been taking care of you the way I should.
I know you think something happened... in Florida.
Look at me.
Trust me.
Nothing happened in Florida.
Good night.
"Life in a Fishbowl"
- Hello.
- Hello.
I...
I need a word with this young man.
- Sölvi?
- Yes.
Yes, Sölvi, he's on the 16th floor.
I'll let him know you're here.
Right then.
Congratulations with the reviews.
Five stars?
Kata, Kata, Kata...
I want to build a bridge to you.
Ok then, see you later!
- I think that's it.
- Yes, that's it. 
Should I do him too?
- Yes, why not.
- Why?
What? 
It's a video conference.
It's Deutche Bank.
This is the Champions League, right?
We're no longer in the reserve.
So I should use a little blush, shouldn't I?
- Thanks love.
- See you.
Listen, I finished with Vonarstræti.
We can build that hotel.
Excellent.
Then your seat is safe.
Just call Rafael straight away.
Right, that's funny. 
But onto what matters, the meeting's in two minutes.
We can't bullshit these people, they know exactly what's going on and we do too.
We know exactly what's going on and Hannes knows too.
- Hannes?
- Yes, he's on his way up.
What do you mean?
He's not invited to this meeting.
- Yes, he is.
- No, Hannes is not invited.
- I invited him to this meeting.
- What's going on here?
- What Gústi is trying to say...
- Yes?
Hannes read the report I did, before you fiddled with it.
And we all agree this is a huge problem.
Gústi and I took a few ideas, to him, and concluded that we should set up deposit accounts in the UK and Holland, with interest that no one else can touch.
- I've heard this all...
- Let me finish.
This will fix the bank's position now, and that's exactly what we need.
We've started setting up the system, and all the key players are on board.
- Key players? 
But I'm not on board!
- Don't be a fool Siggi, I said all the key players.
This is just the "Usual Suspects".
We can't wait around for you, we have to do this right.
It'd be best if you step aside a little here and let Gústi and I lead the discussion.
- Wait, wait, sorry...?
- Siggi, it's not personal.
This is just business. 
Just a question of being a team player, right?
Yes.
Don't sulk. 
This is just a game.
- What do you think, there's enough to take?
- There sure is.
- What would you like?
- Let's leave the hair, at least for now.
Shall we just begin with the beard?
See what that does.
- Listen, that's it then.
- Right.
And where does this all need to go?
To the dump.
All of it?
Yes, unless there's anything you want to keep.
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
Shut the door perhaps? 
Thank you.
Hello.
I almost didn't recognise you.
But wouldn't that be better?
Now I've joined the well-to-do.
Sorry how I was last time.
Don't worry about it.
Nothing to apologize of.
I deserved it. 
And then some.
- So...
- I read your book.
- Oh yes?
- Why didn't you tell me about Kolla?
Well, I've really forgotten...
Such a long time ago and I'd already written it in the book.
She would have been your age now.
It's been that long.
Well then, I really have to get going.
Say hi to Heiða from me, and you take care.
See you later.
- Hello.
- Hi.
I'd like to pay these two.
And deposit this and reduce my overdraught.
- What's your account number?
- 17-18.
Wait, the overdraught's already been paid.
What?
- Let's see... it's 17-18 right?
- Yes.
Yes, it is...
Yes, there's a quite a big transfer here into your account.
Þormóður Thorlacius, do you know him?
Really?
!
Yes my love, let me tell you, that when Santa smells the food, he will think carefully before deciding what you'll get in your shoe.
I think you must have had some bad sausages at school, because I'm telling you, the sausages I make are the best in town.
Subtitles: 
Mos3n

Sure are an idiot...
We are only at the beginning, but I am no longer a human of this world.
He was actually a very stupid man.
Jakujakutei Yuujin was his stage name.
I will just go ahead and say it.
He didn't even have the slightest bit of talent.
I've never seen any of our guests laugh at any of his stories.
I'm not sure if his time was just up or not but he got married and had a baby and before he could take another step forward, he got hit by a car and bid us farewell.
Without ever giving us a punchline.
A storyteller who died without ever making anybody laugh...
He's speaking of me pretty harshly, but there was a guest who laughed at my stories.
Just one.
They're so scary!
Manjuu are so scary!
This is red bean paste, isn't it?
Too scary!
Sorry, sorry!
Let me have a look at this development!
Excuse me!
What made you laugh?
You were doing your best.
"I want to die."
...is what crossed my mind.
Or..
Maybe it was "I want to kill her."
At first, stairs were...
This girl is named Saya.
I learned afterward that she is unfortunate at every turn.
After my parents died, I started living with my grandmother.
She raised me.
She lost her parents pretty early, and her grandmother died 5 years ago.
She had even just recently lost her final relative - her aunt.
I think I wanted to laugh.
Anything was fine, so:
It's the same for me.
My parents are gone, too.
I'm also alone in this world.
I fell for her, you see.
She's a girl who laughed because I was trying my best.
I think I wanted her to keep laughing for me.
And I got the courage to come down from Kiyomizu's stage.
From Takasago sailing over the bay the moon goes out with the tide.
We had the wedding ceremony at the Master's house.
I got well wishes from superiors and the Master.
Even had a child somehow.
But right as I thought life was getting good
this got in my way.
The driver opened his mouth pretty wide in surprise.
I don't hold it against him.
It was my fault, too.
Yuu-chan!
Yuu-chan!
Yuu-chan!
I'm an idiot, too.
I've left Saya on her own again.
I grew to like her and liked her more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more until.
"Jakujakutei" means a lonely... we got to this point.
But, for his sake, and because we don't need to be so gloomy,
I will instead tell you one of my stories.
In the past,
I was struck by lightning in another town.
But, like a miracle, I came back to life.
Ever since then, I've been able to see ghosts.
You're okay you're okay! 
It's alright!
You don't need to cry.
I made him cry!
It's hopeless if it's not me or Yuu-chan.
Oh, okay, then I'll hold the photo.
What's wrong?
There, there.
There there.
You're okay.
I'm sorry, Yuusuke.
I've left you fatherless.
This guy sure can talk.
Can he really see ghosts?
Oh, there's also this...
Maybe he's just lost his marbles?
He, at one point, wanted to eat Strawberry filled...
Whatever he's doing, he's not talking like I've gone to heaven.
This isn't good.
Moron!
You're the wife, right?
Yes.
How do you plan to provide for the child?
The hell is he saying out of the blue?
You can't have much savings from his performances.
Working while carrying this child would be too hard.
Leave her alone! 
It's none of your business.
Uh.. who are you?
Yuutarou's dad.
Father?
He's a hateful bastard, isn't he?
Still kicking around.
With that look..
He told you his parents are dead, didn't he?
Sounds like something he'd say.
A-are you really...?
Say it! "I won't accept you as my parent!"
I will take the child.
Huh?
If he wishes for it,
I will have him take over my business one day.
Well, in a place like this..
That kind of discussion is..
Even though you abandoned my mom and I, you want Yuusuke to take over?
!
Damn this guy, just how deep does his greed go?
!
It's started to rain. 
Can I have the car brought here?
Please.
Okay.
Ah, thank you very much.
You're so dense. 
Can't you tell?
Tell what?
Definitely thick. 
You got me.
You don't know?
It's me, me!
Yes. 
You helped him a lot while he was alive.
Hey, give it up.
I'm the one you love!
Come on, I haven't even been dead for a week!
You're a woman of weak sentiment, huh.
It's me!
The Yuutarou you fell for!
Thank you for trying to comfort me.
But I can't laugh at a joke like that.
Yeah. 
I suppose you couldn't.
I wonder why you can't?
Wait, no!
We've made baby Yuu cry!
What's wrong? 
Okay, okay okay, what is it?
Going up! 
Going up! 
Going up!
Going up! 
Going up! 
Going up!
Going up! 
Going up! 
Going up!
Going up! 
Going up! 
Going up!
You're in high spirits now! 
High spirits!
Okay, okay.
Yuu-chan?
Yes, that's right. 
That looks to be the case.
I've been trying to tell you that.
I'm burning pretty well, aren't I, Saya?
Humans sure live a fleeting existence.
Uh-ohhhh.
This isn't the time to be talking like this.
Saya, look, that..
We need to get out of here before Dad finds us.
Wait, hold on. 
Explain all of this!
Please.
What are you saying now?
You said your parents were dead.
That you were alone in this world.
That's.. you know.
They're not dead, right?
Your dad is alive, right?
Yuu-chan!
Yes, yes, yes.
Sorry. 
Sorry!
Anyway, we have to go!
He plans to take away Yuusuke!
Are you okay with that?
That..
What should I do?
Heyyy!
Saya-san isn't feeling too well!
Could you take her home early?
Yuu-chan, should I wait for you at home?
You can't stay there! 
He'll catch you.
Then what should I do?
You need to go somewhere nobody knows about.
There isn't really anywhere...
It'll be fine - take this.
This isn't my money.. but don't worry about it.
It's fine. 
Wait, huh?
!
My whole body just got itchy!
It seems I can't stay for long.
But you need to get going!
Take care of Yuusuke! 
Okay?
I'm counting on you!
Hey! 
Go ahead!
Itchy.. itchy.. itchy...!
I tried many times after that, but I couldn't take over anybody else's body.
Yeah.
It may have just been one lucky fluke.
I'm so close to her but I can't even talk to her.
For the time being,
I guess all I can do is treat myself to some sight seeing.
Twilight: 
Saya in Sasara.
Sasara. 
Sasara. 
This is the last stop.
Sasara..
We're here, Yuusuke.
What is she even doing?
Are you okay? 
I can do it for you.
Ah, thank you very much.
It's been quite a long time since my aunt died, but you've been maintaining the house.
Yeah, I suppose.
This isn't a place for young people to live.
Bugs like to come out.
Weeding is a real pain, too.
Um..
What?
Uh, well..
What is it?
Isn't he just hungry?
The baby.
What are you doing? 
You can't just come in here.
You're the one who should leave.
It's the baby's feeding time.
Do you want to see the young lady's breasts?
Poor thing, you must be so hungry.
There, there..
She'll feed you now!
He was very hungry, wasn't he?
Sorry.
Back in my day, we could even do this on the train.
That's a little..
You should treasure times like this.
It's when you're closest to your children.
It all comes to an end later.
Okay.
So, what will you do?
I have nowhere else to turn.
Please let me stay here.
She's zoning out again.
How about you go for a walk sometimes?
No response when speaking to her.
Slow and steady, slow and steady.
Watch out, you'll hit it. 
You'll hit it!
Okay, hurry it up.
Thank goodness the rain stopped!
How many months old is he?
4 months.
So he's only just started being able to hold his own head up!
Can I come see?
Hi there!
So cuuute! 
Must be lonely being alone, though.
But at least you have this cute baby with you!
I'm so happy I might come and visit every day!
Oh, don't cry! 
What's his name?
Yuusuke.
Yuu-chan! 
Boo!
I'll kill you, you bastard.
The hell are you doing?
Get over here, you lazy helper.
Isn't this too low?
Mom, a person from the government will be coming tomorrow to grant us permission for you to receive nursing care.
Make sure you're home.
It'll be fine.
Did somebody..
...die recently?
Whose Ihai is this?
Let's make sure to talk in detail with the investigator tomorrow.
Landlady, there's a phone call.
Don't scare me like that.
I thought you were a ghost or something.
What is...?
I thought they'd be good stuff.
You dumbass!
H-h-h-hold on!
Sorry sorry sorry!
Seriously, I'm sorry!
Sorry sorry sorry!
Calm down!
I'm sorry! 
That hurts!
Seriously.
Dipping his hands into other people's things..
He's so pathetic I might cry.
Sorry, sorry..
Sorry, sorry..
You're alright.. 
I'm sorry.
It's because you're doing it too worriedly.
Who are you?
Um..
Sorry, sorry!
Let me see.
Okay, okay, there there.
Babies are smart.
They know when their parents are nervous.
I know this because I have raised kids and grandkids.
There are no babies that hate bath time.
You're a tough one!
My husband was good at it.
"Was"?
He died in an accident.
Oh, I see..
Then.. that wooden Ihai is..
Thank goodness!
I was looking for this!
Thank you very much.
Um, actually..
My grandson..
Hold on.
Something's been bothering me for a bit.
Who is it?
You've been watching me.
You're so dense!
You know.. my Ihai was really close to being left in some unknown altar.
You shouldn't be saying "Thank you".
You're too nice to people.
You threw my photo!
Yuu-chan!
Yuu-chan!
Of all possibilities, why did it have to be an old person?
Owow, you're hurting my shoulder! 
Ow!
That's so good.
Saya's rice really is good.
If that's true, then I'd like you come by twice a week.
Don't be crazy.
I've been through a lot to finally find a body.
It seems like
I can only take over people who can see me.
And only once.
Once?
Yeah.
It's like.. they become immune.
So it seems I can't take over someone a second time.
So it's like influenza or chicken pox?
Don't compare me to bacteria!
Do you want seconds?
Thank you!
But this is..
A really boring place, though.
Like a place monsters could come from.
You're right!
But everyone around here is trying helping me out.
The attendant at the train, the real estate agent, and the neighbor are very nice.
You're sooo dense!
This is why I couldn't get to heaven.
Listen that real estate agent...
Hey.
There's things I want to say, too.
What is it?
You already know. 
Your dad.
That again?
Why wouldn't you tell me?
I died right when I thought to tell you.
You're always like that.
You're always talking, but you put off the important things.
Hey, hey.
That's you!
When it gets a little warmer, we should go to an onsen!
Where should we go? 
Yufuin?
Yufuin?
!
Well.. maybe Kinugawa. 
Yeah.
I suppose so. 
We don't have a lot of money.
Well, if its 2 days 1 night..
We're having a child, too.
Yeah.. a child would be..
A child?
!
Isn't something like that the first thing you should tell me when I get home?
You left it until we're talking about a trip.
The timing wasn't right for me to be happy about it!
You were pretty happy about it, though.
We didn't even end up going on that trip.
Costs for the child birth took priority!
No, the one who left out the important things was you, Yuu-chan.
Alriiiight!
We go to the onsen once Yuusuke can hold up his own head!
Where should we go? 
Kinugawa? 
Kusatsu?
No, way too close!
Since we're finally going to do it, let's go further!
Then.. 
Hokkaido?
Can we at least stay on the main island?
I suppose so. 
We don't have a lot of money.
We'll make it a day trip.
No way! 
I'm finally getting a lead role so we'll go grand and have 2 days 1 night!
I suppose so. 
It's the leading role.
What do you mean, "leading role"?
Shouldn't you tell me something like that the moment I get home?
Saying it so nonchalantly like that.
The timing wasn't right for me-
You liar! 
You're lying!
You didn't even understand what I meant by "leading role"!
You didn't get to be the lead in the end, anyway.
Can't really help it because I died.
We didn't go on the trip, either.
Can't really help that because I died.
And you said you'd look for a smaller baby carriage.
I died so there's nothing I can do about it!
But Yuu-chan, you always...
Let's stop!
We shouldn't have a lovers' quarrel after my death.
I wanted to have more of them.
When you make a face like that
I don't feel like I want to go to heaven.
We weren't even truly husband and wife yet.
I didn't even know your father was alive.
Married couples always have 1 or 2 secrets.
You're too attached to the fantasies.
Is this really okay?
I don't know the family.
Can I really be Yuusuke's mother?
What are you going to do feeling so doubtful?
Tell me.
What happened between you and your dad?
He..
Abandoned my mother.
She got ill and collapsed, and he wouldn't even come see her.
My poor mother.
She died without ever telling him of her resentment.
That man is nothing, let alone my parent!
Listen, Saya.
Try calling him dad.
With me gone, he'll tie you up, wrap you up in bamboo, throw you into a wagon..
Yuu-chan, are you itchy?
Itchy itchy itchy!
It's the same as with the Master!
Do you have to go already?
I can't stop it!
I can't handle it!
Yuu-chan, when you will come back again?
I have no idea!
That scared me! 
Hey!
No, that's not...! 
Uh!
What am I..
Doing here?
She has started wandering around.
I need to apologize to you.
My grandson did something so troublesome.
I'm truly sorry.
You told me last night. 
The problem is already solved.
Have I really..
Grown senile?
You have clearly gone senile.
Hisayo-chan?
Someone you know?
Someone she can't do away with.
It seems that
I need to apologize to you, as well.
I was living here until 3 days ago.
That real estate agent has always been a brat.
I never thought I'd be tricked by my own student.
Hisayo-chan used to be a middle school teacher.
She has a lot of students in this town.
Tamako!
You know, that real estate agent.
After your aunt died he started leasing this house to her without telling you.
He was leaving out that this is somebody else's house.
If you knew, why didn't you tell her right away?
That's not at all fun.
That real estate agent has a bad reputation. 
Hisayo-chan didn't know, though.
I'm very sorry.
I'll make sure that he returns all of the rent until now to you.
No, it's fine.
Do you all know eachother?
We've been close since our time in the girl's schools.
Close?
I am thoroughly surprised.
Exactly when did we become close friends?
Excuse me, it looks like he woke up.
I'm going to see.
So cute!
Well, for now, he belongs to his mother.
This is the happiest time.
You're thinking of your son who left 10 years ago~.
Stop it, Tamako.
Keep a lid on it. 
You haven't even had a child.
You don't have to have a child to see how cute they are!
Why are you shutting me out again?
We're good friends, right?
I'm sorry!
Okay, okay okay.
What's wrong? 
What is it?
That kid is too loud!
It's bothering other people.
Way too loud.
I'm sorry.
Don't run away every time.
Have a look.
That old man has been grumpy his entire life.
He's never even cried!
Isn't that amazing, Daiya?
What are you saying? 
You bitch!
I don't want to hear it from a dumb-faced old man reading a horse racing newsletter in the middle of the day.
I'll apologize. 
I'm sorry.
I'll get off at the next station.
I'm very sorry. 
I'm sorry.
How are things at home?
He never speaks.
Is there anyone in your neighborhood you can rely on?
Is it possible you're driving your child into a corner?
There are many young mothers.
It would be best to quickly fix a problem that can stress the child.
He will be greatly influenced by what you do.
You need to do your best.
I want to quit!
I want to work at a station in the city!
I think about it a lot lately!
There's no young people here!
I can't meet anybody!
Okay, okay, you can't sleep here.
You fall asleep easily, Sano-kun.
Are you listening, Erika-san?
Can I really go on like this?
Is this life enough for me?
The bottle is empty, Sano-kun.
Okay, prease get me another.
I said "prease"!
"Prease"!
"Prease get me another"!
Suzuki Haruko-chan! 
Come this way.
7..
70.5!
Okay!
He's gotten pretty big!
I've been breast feeding him a lot since I moved.
Really?
Babies drink their mother's love while they breastfeed.
It's their proof you love them.
Yes!
Okay, now the doctor is going to have a look at you!
See you soon, Yuusuke-kun!
Byebye!
You're trying to say it's my fault, right?
!
How about you just say it?
Beating around the bush pisses me off.
You've been trying to say I'm neglecting him, right?
I haven't said that.
It is our job to ask these questions.
I told you!
I've been having him see doctors!
Stop screwing me around.
We're leaving, Daiya.
Excuse me!
Wait!
Please wait!
What do you want?
Sorry.
Sorry, I'm in a hurry.
I'm sorry, but I want us to become friends.
There's no kids in my neighborhood.
So I'd like it if Daiya-kun would be Yuusuke's friend.
Yuusuke might still be too young for Daiya-kun, though.
You're happy, aren't you?
With a loving family.
I'm envious.
You're just looking down on me and showing me pity!
Not at...
Don't look down on me!
My husband died!
In a traffic accident 2 months ago.
But it's okay.
He's still around.
He sometimes takes over other people to see me.
That's where I work.
I'll introduce you to a friend.
Thank you!
Welcome!
Hello.
Um.. 
This is a wonderful shop.
You don't need to force yourself.
Have a seat.
Excuse me.
Huh?
I've.. 
I've..
I've met you before, right?
Wow!
At the station!
Yes!
Thank you for your help back then.
Oh, you know eachother? 
Then we can skip the formalities!
This is Sano-kun.
And this is Saya-san and Yuusuke-kun!
She's seriously crazy cute!
I wouldn't introduce you to a strange woman.
Erika-san, you get me!
My armpits are sweating like hell.
Sano-kun is a good guy. 
He's nice, and doesn't do anything shady when he drinks.
So hey. 
I don't like to beat around the bush, so I'll just say it.
How about hanging out with Sano-kun as friends to start?
Wait a minute!
Hold on!
I was very happy you invited me here but I shouldn't have come.
Do you want to keep living in the past?
Please just stop.
How long do you want to say dumb things like there being a dead person watching over you?
I am an idiot!
I know that about myself.
But..
Yuu-chan is really here.
He's watching over us right this moment.
You're..
It's the truth.
He comes to visit me.
You need to get rid of delusions like...
Erika-san.
Erika-san, can you throw them away that easily?
People you've loved?
I can't do it.
I'm not strong like you.
Goodbye.
You're so dense!
Erika-san isn't strong at all.
She's raising this child all by herself.
Working day and night.
Without being able to rely on her parents.
After however many years, she's never opened herself up.
Isn't that right, Erika-san?
Who.. are you?
Me? 
I'm..
Um.. 
Erika-san, this is hard to say, but..
Basically this is my husband.
Erika-san? 
Erika-san!
I wonder why?
First an old man then an old lady..
Now a kid.
Yuu-chan, help me!
Damn Yuusuke, he's completely changed sides.
They said he's doing very well.
He'll even be sitting soon.
I've come to understand a mother's feelings recently.
What was your mom like?
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Don't forget, you're in to Michael for a grand, too, right?
-Oh, that fucking prick.
-You owe a lot of people money, man.
-Fuck that cocksucker.
-You gotta chill with that shit.
I work in his fucking deli, my ass.
What a bitch.
So go get him.
He knows everybody by name.
He knows everybody in the neighborhood.
He'll go crying to Sal like a big fucking baby.
So what? 
You're a made guy.
This guy's a fucking blowjob.
What am I missing?
Oh, yeah.
Listen, no more free ziti with meatballs and Italian subs. 
All right?
What's going on here?
What's the problem?
What's the problem?
The problem is you've opened four of these stores in the last three years.
How much money can you really be making selling fucking mortadella and prosciutto?
- Seriously? 
You're serious.
- What else are you doing?
Why are you asking all these questions?
You're driving around in a brand new Mercedes.
You wouldn't fucking lie to me, would you?
I see.
You got your button now.
You bring your baby gorilla here to scare me?
You know what? 
Why don't you tell Jerry to give me a call.
We'll settle this, okay?
Hey, wait. 
That's not...
That's not how it's gonna go.
That's no way to talk to me.
You're a gangster now?
No disrespect, Nick, but fuck you.
I ain't paying you shit.
Shh, shh, shh.
All right?
How many accounts receivable you got?
How many people haven't paid you?
- You're asking me this?
- I'm asking you.
Ten, 20, too many.
Stand up.
Come on, get up.
Stand up.
Listen to me. 
All right?
Listen to what this is.
I take care of you.
You take care of me.
Anybody who don't take care of you is also not taking care of me.
I gave your brother Vito a job when he was a little kid.
And now it's time to repay the favor.
Yeah, let's go take a look at your books.
I'm gonna take care of everything, all right?
What are you fucking busting my balls for?
It's 32 grand in there.
I got 12 coming in from Freddy Charles in Lynn.
Also, you know, Tony's running them Slavic girls on the side.
Don't worry about Tony.
Don't worry about Tony.
And don't worry about his daughter either.
No, you can't call them.
The Feds know about that, too.
What?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the fuck do you want?
We, uh...
We heard you been running Ukrainian girls out of here.
Pimping them out to high-end clients.
Yeah?
You better start feeding your rat some better fucking cheese. 
All right?
'Cause there ain't no Ukrainian broads here.
These are local girls.
- Hmm?
- Oh, yeah.
Mmm-hmm.
Where're you from, sweetheart?
Rhode Island.
We know from a certain hotel off Boylston these girls are making $1,000 a night outside the club.
Can you believe this motherfucker?
Look, kid.
Tony ain't gotta give you shit.
All right?
Just 'cause you're made, that don't mean nothing to us.
- Really?
- Yeah, especially me.
Really.
Tell Tony we just want our cut.
It's that simple.
Hey.
Flowers again, huh?
What do you want?
It's next time.
Better flowers.
Thank you.
What...
What are you doing now?
Going home.
I could walk with you.
I'm okay. 
I can walk myself.
It's just a few blocks away.
I can walk with you.
My car's in the shop, but I like to walk.
It's a Cadillac.
- What?
- My car. 
It's a Cadillac.
Three hundred horsepower.
Leather seats.
It's a real comfortable ride.
I could give you a lift home sometime.
Yeah. 
Sure. 
Leather seats.
What, you don't like leather seats?
What's wrong with leather seats?
"You don't like leather seats?
"Who don't like leather seats?
Leather seats."
- That's how I sound?
I sound like that?
That's the way I sound to you?
You know what?
I'm gonna keep my mouth shut.
I'm not gonna say nothing else the whole walk home.
Oh, yeah. 
I bet.
Okay, then.
You may speak now.
Okay.
Vow of silence still?
Okay.
Okay.
Good night.
You wop greaser.
Good night, you stupid guinea.
Open your yapper.
Okay.
You just gonna keep bringing me flowers, huh?
Are we gonna go to the prom?
Oh.
I see. 
Ahem!
You're embarrassing yourself.
Come on, say something.
Tell me...
Tell me some more about your horsepower and your gold chains and your Virgin Mary.
Tell me...
Tell me how much you love your I-talian mother.
I'm a woman you can love.
Be careful.
And you couldn't see this coming a mile away?
It's a setup.
Look at the patterns he was rifling in.
Nickel A and R. Dime, dime, dime, dime tease.
Nickel A and R. Maxes out every bet.
Bets every game.
One day, hockey and basketball, the next day football.
Come on!
He takes the favorite in every game.
We pay this guy for the past three weeks?
- Yeah.
- How much?
- 10,000.
- 10,000!
And he's down now, what?
25,000?
And you didn't cut him off?
I thought he was good for it.
Okay.
Mmm-hmm.
Who is this guy?
All I have is a phone number.
You're letting people take action, and you don't even know their faces, you fucking moron?
What the fuck are you doing about it, Joe?
What am I supposed to do about it, huh?
If I knew who the guy was or where he was,
- I'd break his fucking legs.
Mmm-hmm.
I call him. 
He says he ain't got the money.
And he fucking hangs up, Tony.
What do you want me to do?
- It's this fucking punk's fault.
Joe...
Get him the fuck out of here!
We have no idea who this guy is.
Why not?
All I got is a number.
What do you mean, you just have a phone number?
You're the fucking agent!
This is a fucking setup and you're all in on it.
Jesus. 
Fuck!
I'll do it myself.
What's the number?
Come on, give him the fucking number.
What are you doing?
I just texted it to you.
Why don't you just fucking tell me the fucking number?
Jesus! 
Fuck!
Get out there.
Waste more of my time.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, you fucking moron.
Get out of here.
What are you, a fucking dickhead?
You trying to get me in fucking trouble?
Seriously?
Hey.
Hey.
Go make a buck.
What do you think, this is a dumb slut convention?
My God!
You two are depressing.
Is this F-4?
Come on, man, don't be such a fucking jerkoff.
You owe me 25,000.
It's been three weeks.
I'm gonna beat you.
I'm gonna fucking rape you in a body bag.
Oh. 
Oh...
Oh, I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry.
I had no idea your life was so fucking hard.
Yeah.
Yeah. 
I know the place.
Do you got my fucking money?
Okay. 
I'll meet you there now.
Fuck you, by the way.
Hey.
Hey. 
Hey.
Joy Luck Club, go shake your rice cakes, I got bills to fucking pay.
Yeah, don't think I didn't see that.
I see everything!
Hey.
Nice hat.
Yeah? 
You like it?
I do, I do. 
I like the hat.
Thanks. 
Just got it.
So, what do you want to do?
You want to go to the movies or something?
It's freezing.
How do you know my father?
What?
I don't talk to him.
He's an asshole.
Nick.
I stay away from him and the people he hangs out with. 
So...
Really?
'Cause he seems like such a sweetheart.
Look.
I like you. 
All right?
I didn't like you at all.
Hey.
Hey.
- See you.
- Bye.
Vito!
Hey.
You know, you don't got to smoke out here.
Mom ain't here to tell you any different.
Are you gonna say hello to me?
"Hey, Nick.
How are you, Nick?"
If you're not gonna talk to me, give this to Vito for me, will you?
You're a big shot now.
Big tough guy, huh?
Excuse me?
What do you got?
What do you got here?
Wow, look at that.
Throwing it around.
Hey, who wants a hundie?
There's a 50 right there for you.
Take a 20, huh? 
Big shot.
Smells like blood to me.
It's college money.
It stinks.
You haven't had a job since Mom died.
Take the money.
If she knew what you were doing...
If your mother knew what you were up to, she'd be sick.
You'd kill her all over again.
There's 2 grand right here.
Get it out of my sight.
I think Vito could use it.
Don't you?
Over my dead body.
I'm begging you.
What do I got to say to you, huh?
What do I got to do?
What do I got to do to get through to you?
My boy. 
Beautiful boy.
If your mother were alive, she'd say, "Tu aviadu morde."
You say that to me?
I'm your son, Pa!
I have a son.
Get that out of my house.
Jesus Christ, George.
What the fuck?
I missed, like, nine calls from you last night.
I stayed over at Tony's daughter's house.
Sal's gonna be pissed, so keep your fucking mouth shut about it, all right?
Anyway, I got your message with some fucking address up in Lynn.
I guess I'll be there in, like, an hour.
Fuck! 
Tony.
Hey! 
Look who it is.
Merry fucking Christmas.
Look at this guy, huh?
- What the fuck?
- Yeah.
He got fucked up.
What the fuck did you do, George?
I couldn't avoid this here.
- What the fuck?
- A bit complicated.
What the fuck?
- He looks fucked up, doesn't he?
It's fucked up how it happened.
You want to hear the story?
I was rifling into this big book that a friend of mine had put me on with a few weeks back.
I think I told you about it.
Anyways, must have been beginner's luck.
Because right out of the fucking gate, I'm hitting everything.
I won 10 grand.
First couple of weeks.
But what do I know about football?
I don't know shit about football.
Eventually, I started missing some bets.
Actually, the third week, I fucking missed everything.
I mean, I got fucking buried.
I was losing everything I put in.
Went down 25,000.
So I tried to be scarce.
Fall off the radar a minute.
I tried to avoid these pricks.
Honest to God, I did. 
I did.
But they kept calling
and harassing and calling and harassing my friend,
until eventually he caved in.
He coughs up my phone number.
So, yesterday I'm sitting at the house, I'm waiting for this broad to call me up, and I see a number I don't know.
I think it must be her.
And I pick up the phone.
You know whose voice I hear on the other line?
My handsome friend, right here.
I mean, what are the fucking chances?
It was fucking unbelievable.
I couldn't believe it.
I mean...
We just saw this prick a few weeks ago.
Fucked me all up.
Of course, right away, he starts with the tough talk.
The beatings and the body bags and the...
Real fucking wise prick.
I mean, this is one disrespectful fuck!
I gave him a bullshit story.
I told him I have half his money.
"I got half of your money, Tony.
"I got half."
Comes into my neighborhood.
And once he got out of his car,
I fucking tased him.
Threw him in the back of my car.
Well, I think you can deduce the rest of the story from there.
You set him up?
What are you? 
Fucking stupid?
You're gonna get us both killed.
You got to let him go.
I don't got to do shit!
George.
I didn't even know it was his book until I heard his fucking retarded voice on my phone.
I do know one thing, though.
See, to me, you know what this seems like?
It seems like fate.
I mean, Nick, I think they call it kismet.
Fucking stop, George!
Oh, shit!
Hey! 
Hey! 
Hey! 
Jerry!
Jerry. 
What's up, huh?
You don't return our fucking calls?
You can't leave a voicemail?
Cut the shit, man.
Tony's missing.
Yeah, he don't return our calls either.
That's not like him.
Something's up.
You know where he is?
What do I look like, the fucking lost and found?
Hey, you don't want me to tell you what you look like. 
All right?
You better not know where my fucking boss is.
I know what I'd like to do to your boss.
But we got money on him.
Whoa. 
Wait a minute. 
We?
What do you mean, "we"?
All I see is one guy standing in a fucking empty loading dock.
There ain't no more "we." Okay? 
It's us.
All right? 
From here on out.
Don't think I don't know what the fuck's going on around here.
Hey. 
You know why they call me "daylight," right? 
Hmm?
You wanna find out?
Hey, get out of here, you fucking project trash.
Fuck you!
Uh...
I didn't mean for this to happen.
I'm sorry. 
All right?
You got to believe me.
I'm sorry.
They're fucking with Sal's business.
You got no idea what you're into.
You're in so far over your head.
Hey, hey, hey.
That mark, got you made, he was on the up.
He was just in our way.
You clueless... 
Fuck!
You don't talk to me like that. 
All right?
I'm a fucking made guy.
You might be protected, but Sal made me, all right?
So shut your fucking mouth.
Mr. Made Guy.
You got no idea the wrath Sal's gonna bring down.
Fuck this greaseball, Nick.
Fuck this greaseball fuck.
Untie him, George.
We're letting him go.
What?
I said untie the motherfucker, now.
I ain't fucking untying him.
What's done is done.
What do you think is going to happen when Sal sees him like this anyways?
Let him go, George.
Can't send him back to Sal like that.
Look at him.
- Hey, listen.
- Fuck.
You're gonna die out here, you fuck.
George.
You're gonna die ugly.
You're gonna die, you fuck.
You hear me?
You're gonna fucking die.
George!
George!
I said let him go now!
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah.
- That's how it's gonna be?
- That's how it's gonna be.
That's right, Nick. 
Shoot him.
Shut up!
Kill him, Nick. 
Shoot him.
Go ahead, shoot me.
Kill him.
Go on. 
Shoot him, Nick.
Let me tell you something, Tony.
Nick here, he ain't a shooter.
It ain't in his DNA.
Don't you fucking test me, George.
Yeah, Sal was gonna kill this fuck no matter what.
Huh?
Save yourself, Nick.
Shoot him.
Shoot him. 
Come on, kill him.
Go ahead, shoot me, Nick.
Hey, did you tell Tony about you and his daughter?
- George. 
Shut your mouth.
- Oh!
- George.
- Oh, you didn't know?
Shut your fucking mouth.
Oh, he didn't know.
- This is beautiful.
It's fucking beautiful.
Shut up.
- Yeah. 
Hey, Tony.
- Shut up.
- Guess who's fucking your daughter?
Fuck you, George.
Yeah?
Yeah.
That apology,
- it went real well.
- Kill him.
She accepted it, I think. 
Yeah.
- Shoot him.
- Shut up!
Do it!
- He's fucking piping her.
- I swear to God, George!
- Fucking do him.
Shoot. 
Dead already.
Shut up!
- Shut up!
- Kill him!
- Why don't you tell Mr. Matazano...
Kill him.
- ...how you got made?
- Nick.
Why don't you tell him how you got made?
You know how he got made?
Who do you think made that hit for him?
- George.
- Who did it for him?
I fucking did that hit for him.
He was too afraid to pull the trigger.
It's not in him.
I fucking made you!
I made you!
Shoot him, Nick.
Kill him, Nick. 
Do it.
You don't have it in your heart.
Shoot him.
Kill him. 
Shoot him!
You know what?
Maybe we should untie him.
- Nick. 
Nick.
- Maybe we should untie him.
'Cause I want Sal and everybody else to know...
- What?
- ...exactly who you are.
- Nicky.
- What?
Look, my daughter...
I could give a fuck, man.
Okay?
Your secret, don't worry.
- Your secret's safe with me.
- You ain't a shooter.
- Your secret's safe with me.
- Shut your mouth.
-Shoot him.
-You don't have the fucking heart to do it.
- Shoot me! 
Go ahead.
- Nick, shoot him.
Come on, please.
You ain't a shooter.
- Shoot him. 
Nick.
- You're not a shooter.
Do it! 
Yeah, shoot him.
- Shut up! 
Shut up!
- Shoot him. 
Shoot him.
That's the fucking spirit!
I knew you had it in you.
I knew you had it in you.
How's that feel?
Where are you going?
Hey, where are you going?
This is your mess to clean up.
I brought the fucking contracting bags.
It was that kid from Dorchester.
Nick's boy. 
Georgie Mullins.
You sure that's the guy that owed Tony the 25?
Yeah. 
We finally found that agent. 
The one that's running the books.
He said it was Mullins.
Tony went to go talk to him, and that's the last time I heard from him.
I mean, add it up.
Nick don't answer.
Look, we've been looking for Tony everywhere.
I know those two motherfuckers know something.
I'll look into it.
Look, Sal.
We've been good to you.
You know?
I'll decide whether you've been good to me.
I told you I'll look into it.
- Tried his cell.
- Let's go find this prick.
Tried his cell phone, house phone.
Even called his father.
Yeah?
Nicky, where the fuck have you been?
I've been...
I've been busy.
Where are you right now?
What?
Sal's looking for you, Nicky.
We need to see you now.
Tony's missing and they got wind that crazy mick of yours was the last one that seen him.
They've gone over to your folks' house, looking for you.
Nicky, do the right thing here.
Nick here?
No. 
Nick don't live here.
Who are you?
You his brother?
Look, Nick's in deep shit.
Where the fuck is he?
Why don't you go fuck yourself?
Come back later.
What? 
Hey! 
Hey, hey.
Don't fucking close the door on me.
- What are you doing?
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- I got this. 
Dad, I got this.
- Just calm down.
- Get in the house. 
Please.
-Come on, what are you gonna do?
-Get in the house.
- You got a problem here?
- Yeah. 
Fuck you! 
Look...
This is private property.
- Get the hell out of here.
- I don't give a fuck.
You tell your brother Joe came by.
Okay? 
And I'm gonna find him, so you might as well tell me where he is.
We wouldn't tell you where he was even if we knew. 
Let's go.
Come on. 
Get... 
Get off...
-Get off my...
-Don't put your fucking hands on me.
This is private property.
Get your fucking hands off me.
Don't put your fucking hands on me.
- Fuck you!
- This is private property.
What are you gonna do?
You got a fucking problem?
Get out of here!
Don't put your fucking hands on me again, old man. 
You hear me?
Listen, your son's a fucking punk, all right?
He did the wrong thing to the wrong fucking people.
You're a punk.
I'm a punk?
He's gonna pay the fucking price.
Vito, no!
Hey, Vito!
Get back!
Vito! 
Get out of here!
Go home, guys! 
Vito!
- Get the fuck off me!
- Just go home!
You want to fuck with me?
Here you go!
- Motherfucker!
- Vito!
- No!
- Come on!
Dad?
Come on. 
Let's go.
Come on. 
Come on.
Come on! 
Get in the car!
Let's go! 
Tom, get in the car!
What the fuck?
My brother's gonna fucking kill you!
- You're okay.
Come on. 
You're okay.
Please, Pop.
Can you hear me, Pop?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me, Pop?
Can you hear me?
Get him in the car.
Help me get him in the fucking car.
-Help me get him in the fucking car!
-Nicky, Nicky. 
Nick. 
Nick.
Fuck!
Fuck!
I gotta talk to Sal.
Where is he?
He ain't gonna see you, Nicky.
Don't fuck with me, Jerry.
Where are they?
I'm gonna fucking kill him!
That Joe is a fucking dead man.
No, no. 
You're not.
We're gonna take care of things now.
You need to fucking relax, Nicky.
They killed my father, Jerry.
I'm sorry, Nicky.
Things are a mess right now.
They found Tony up in Lynn.
In a fucking bag.
And that guy in the parking garage.
He was straight, though, wasn't he?
He got in the way.
People get in the way.
In the way.
In the way of what?
Doesn't matter.
You didn't kill him, did you, Nick?
I told Sal to bring you in.
I put myself on the line for you.
Your own father didn't care if you was alive or dead.
- It's not fucking true.
- Here's what's true!
Get out of town.
Forget this girl.
Forget Sal. 
Forget this.
-Forget this, this thing we have.
-Jerry.
Jerry.
Look...
Hey, man, I'm so sorry.
Look.
This is what we gonna do.
We find them all one by one and then murder those fucks.
No reaction to that?
What's the matter?
- No emotion?
- Shut up, George.
Nick, they killed your fucking father.
I said shut the fuck up, all right?
You having second thoughts about what needs to be done here?
Why?
Is it because you're banging that whore?
That clown's fucking daughter?
Or is it because your boss, Sally Jane Fungulo, might get mad?
You're afraid of that?
Nick, we had to kill Tony.
How many times did he disrespect you?
Disrespected your friend?
You listen to me.
What happened the other night never happened, all right?
I know you, George.
You got a big fucking mouth.
A few weeks go by.
You get 10 deep in some bar.
And suddenly everyone in Southie gets the idea that what never happened, happened.
Who are you talking to?
You talking to me?
I run my fucking mouth?
You're an ungrateful fuck.
It wasn't enough that I saved your fucking pretty ass in Shirley?
That's not enough?
It ain't enough that I'm fucking cutting you in on all my action just so you can kick it back to these filthy fucking guineas?
It ain't enough?
It ain't enough that I gotta drive you around to suck all the dicks you gotta suck?
Guys like Joe?
That's what bullets were invented for.
Kill that fucker.
You gotta kill him.
You ain't like me.
You ain't nothing like me.
You're a fucking wannabe.
A fucking wannabe.
Talking about all that "restoring order to the North End" shit.
You never had it in you.
You're a fucking poser.
You never had it in you!
You're a fucking fraud.
You shut your mouth.
Everything you say is a lie.
Everything you think is a fucking delusion.
You shut your fucking mouth.
Everything you believe is a fucking delusion.
I said shut your fucking mouth!
You hear me?
You know who knew you were a fraud more than anyone?
Your old man.
Nice fucking friend I have.
Nice fucking friend I have.
You know who your friends are?
Big fucking mafioso man!
Look at you.
You're a made man now.
You're a made man!
Where are your friends now?
Where are your friends now?
Where are your fucking friends now?
I can count mine on one finger!
Hey.
I've been calling you.
Can I come in?
I have to go to work soon.
You all right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Listen, some guys came around asking where my father is.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Do you know anything about that?
- I have to go away for a while.
What do you need?
Do you know where my father is?
Nick.
Would you go away with me?
Nick.
Would you?
Where's my father?
Fuck you!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Why did you do that?
Why did you do that?
I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
He's with the girl?
Get rid of him.
What are you doing?
I'm dropping this off for you.
That's for you.
Where you going?
I gotta take care of some stuff.
Let me go with you.
That's for you.
Hey!
Fuck you.
Don't fucking follow me.
Move over.
Let's take a drive.
I'm not surprised to see you, Niccolo.
It's done.
This thing that you have.
This family.
It's all I ever wanted.
But it's done.
Why don't you put that down?
You destroyed everything I ever cared about.
And now, I'm going to fucking kill you.
What the fuck have you done?
What have I done?
I've done what I needed to do.
Yeah?
You let those guys go over to my house.
My fucking house.
Killed my father. 
My girl.
Your father didn't care if you was alive or dead.
You might as well have been an orphan.
I gave you something and you threw it away.
You do all that, start killing people in cold blood so he finally approves of you?
Like he's looking down from heaven all proud?
Let me tell you something. 
Oh.
He ain't looking down on you from nowhere.
You're gonna have to kill all of us, Nick.
There ain't many left.
But there's enough for you.
Let me ask you a question, Sal.
You ever been in love?
Of course.
Who hasn't been in love?
Sal. 
I need a pick-up.
Need a lighter.

Where you been?
Sorry, Jerry.
Is Sal still here?
You were supposed to be here an hour ago.
Now he's at the produce.
When Sal tells you to be somewhere, you fucking be there.
Think you could give me a ride?
Fucking A, Nicky.
Go!
-Go! 
Go!
-All right.
Man, I need my own fucking wheels.
Yeah, you do.
You should have kept that Chrysler, man.
That was a good car.
Hmm.
My brother needed some money for school, you know?
Will you please leave it on one station?
Fuck you.
$86.
Fuck, I told Vito I'd stop by with some dough.
Man, we need a good fucking rip.
You got anything?
Things been kind of cold lately.
I got a vic up north.
It's a home invasion.
Like a drug deal or something?
Nah. 
Straight guy. 
He owns two sports bars up in New Hampshire.
Wife, two kids.
250K in his mattress.
I got a tip from his financial advisor.
Financial advisor?
Yeah, I sell the guy coke and steroids from time to time.
That sounds like a guy you can trust with your money.
I got a...
I got a number for a bookie, big fish kind of guy.
Figured I'd throw in some high numbers, see what happens and...
With your fucking Irish luck, no fucking way.
-What are you talking about?
-Next!
Jesus, Nicky, let me see what else I got on the fucking lot for you.
Uh, Big Victor. 
I've been waiting for that to get ripe for a while.
Probably get him for 25 grand this week.
Big Victor.
I don't know, man.
We'd have to give him a beating.
So what?
What we need is our own fucking crew.
...and we won't be up against the ropes all the fucking time.
You know what? 
You watched the first half of Goodfellastoomanytimes.
Nowadays, a crew makes you hot.
Your friends in the North End?
Just a bunch of old guys now that fucking play gangster so they can fucking sell ziti and fucking cannolis to tourists.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Sal fucking runs the North End.
Sal ran the North End 20 years ago.
Have you looked around recently?
It's like a guinea minstrel show over there.
It's like a dago Disney World.
Trust me.
Those guys are geriatric rats on a fucking sinking ship.
You don't know what the fuck you're talking about,
Will you please hurry up?
Sal's gonna kick my fucking ass.
Fuck Sal.
We load and lock.
This one's filled up.
You send me that number?
Yeah, we're good.
Hey, Angelo.
Hey, Nick, how's it going?
Okay. 
Well, can you let me know by next week which way you want to go with this thing?
Otherwise I just got to proceed.
Wait here for me. 
All right?
-Sal, I...
-Get over there.
I'm so sorry that I'm late, Sal.
Why?
I could smell the pussy coming off you halfway down the hallway.
I got a call last night from Tony Matazano.
What happened?
I get a call yesterday afternoon from my cousin Eric.
Something about Tony's daughter chewing him out at the hair salon that he works at.
She was bitching about him smoking too close to the door or something stupid like that.
Anyway, he called her a name.
She got pissed.
Tony sends his fucking goons down there to rough up my cousin.
He's a kid, Sal.
He was shitting in his pants.
So I call Tony, try to calm things down.
Did you tell him you were going to track him down and put a bullet in his eye?
He started in on me with all this tough guy shit.
Like, "I'm gonna kill you.
I'm gonna kill your family." I mean...
Eric is a kid.
And he's family.
Tony is a prick.
All I was trying to do was apologize.
That's it.
Well, now you have to go down there and apologize.
In person.
And to his daughter.
In person.
Tony's protected. 
Nick.
He makes us a lot of money.
You know that he's holding out on you.
He's running all this shit on the side you don't even know about.
I bet he never even...
Hey, Mickey Mouse.
Wait outside.
You really want to associate with people like that?
He came out of his mother's ass.
I never would have survived them three years up in Shirley without George.
Get your ass over to his place.
And watch your fucking mouth with me.
If you want in, you better listen more than you don't listen.
And don't take everything so fucking personally.
You got a lot of heart, Nick.
Don't let it go to your head.
Whatever I got to do, I'm ready.
You know, Ginsberg, the lawyer that just left...
-You know...
-Sure. 
Good guy.
Listen, Nick.
With the old timers dying, one by one, and the Feds and the rats and the chinks and the fucking Albanians up my ass,
I got no choice but to go legit or be the last man standing.
We're like an island.  
Capisce?
There's not many of us left.
Whatever you want me to do, I'm ready.
I never was one of those guys who just let anybody in who'd come through the door.
But I paid the price. 
I know.
I see something in you.
The day you see it yourself is the day things will go right with this family.
You're a good boy, Nick.
Your time's coming.
And bring the girl some flowers.
Vito.
What's up, Nicky?
How are you, brother?
What's up, Georgie?
Vito, when are you gonna do something about that haircut?
The pompadour died with Elvis.
Fuck you.
What's up, Eric, you dumb ass?
You know I got to go deal with your shit right now?
What shit?
You're the one with the big fucking mouth.
Bitch wanted to fuck and I just wouldn't play.
This kid couldn't get pussy from a dead whore. 
Shut up.
Suck a dick, Vito.
What trouble? 
What do you got?
Don't worry about it.
Here you go. 
Take this.
No. 
Nick, you're not even supposed be here.
Where is he?
He's in the house.
I can't take that.
What, you don't got to eat?
You don't want to go to college?
He gets a fucking job, he can bitch about getting free money.
I'm gonna go talk to him.
No, he don't want you here.
You cause problems for me every time you come.
-I got to deal with him.
-Hey, hey, hey.
This is my house, too.
Ma would want me here.
It's 80 fucking dollars.
Take.
Relax, will you?
It's gonna be beautiful.
All right, don't let that big fat cock
- scare the neighbors, all right?
-King Kong.
-All right.
Hey, Nicky, can I have some money, too?
Pearls before swine, you fucking pig.
You're fucking pitiful.
It's gonna be beautiful.
Let's get out of here.
- Here, let me borrow that.
Yeah, just give me a second.
Hey, Tony, what's with the spandex?
Don't you want the back of your ball bag tanned?
Who's there? 
Who's that?
It's the guy Sal sent over.
Oh, the big mouth.
Hey, big mouth.
You better hope my kid don't catch cancer from your dumb fuck cousin's cigarette fumes.
Come here.
Come on, a little closer.
-Don't be shy.
-I'm fine right here.
Come back, finish me later.
I'm going mobile with this.
Pretty girl gives you a tan in your home and sucks you off.
Good idea?
Sure. 
Whatever you say.
Whatever I say?
Whatever I say.
I say you're a dirt bag.
That's what I say.
What do you say?
-I say you're right.
-You're right I'm right.
Say, aren't you here to get down on your knees and suck my dick?
Is that right?
I'm just kidding.
Not really.
I'm here because you and I, we got mutual friends.
And out of respect for those friends, I've come here to apologize.
So there you go.
There you go.
Okay, pretty boy. 
One...
We don't have mutual friends.
You, you're just a wannabe punk for Salvatore Vitaglia.
You don't got your button, so quit pretending.
Not yet.
Not... 
Not yet?
I think I heard the sound of a little piece of shit talking to me without a sincere apology.
Sincere... 
You hear a sincere apology, Joe?
This is Joe.
Joe don't talk much, except with his eyeballs.
What his eyeballs say, blow your mind.
You ever have your mind blown, Nick?
Ever?
Look, Tony, I come here to apologize to you.
All right?
What else do you want from me?
You know,
I like cocaine very much.
I like ladies with big tits rubbing them all in my face.
I like Italian cars.
I like Irish whiskey.
I like things all men like but are afraid to admit to their girlfriend or their wife for fear she'll make him sleep on the couch.
I like the couch.
It's relaxing.
I don't need a man cave in the basement with flat screen TV, video game, hiding out like some fucking mouse.
I don't need a fucking man cave because the whole fucking world, that's my man cave.
You have a man cave, Nick?
No.
Nick, come here.
Come on, come on.
Just come on.
I want you to tell me what you think of me.
The truth. 
You seem like a guy who tells the truth. 
Come on.
Come on, Nick. 
Blow my mind.
The truth?
I think...
I think today if you're rich and you're Italian, that makes you a gangster.
Like on some TV show.
What?
You mean, I'm a TV show?
I'm a TV show?
I'm a TV show?
Apologize for insulting me, you fucking asshole!
Mr. Matazano, I am sincerely sorry for acting so out of line.
I meant you no disrespect.
Please accept my sincerest apology.
Get out of here. 
Go on.
You tell that dipshit mongoloid cousin of yours, if he fucks with my daughter again, I'll rip his fucking throat out.
You... 
Hey! 
I fucking saw that, cocksucker!
All right, let's go! 
Let's go!
Start the fucking car, George!
-Come on, George!
-What?
We gotta fucking go!
-Who them? 
Man, I'm fucking...
-Drive the fucking car!
Do your fucking job!
When you fucking bug out...
Fuck you!
Why are we stopped?
Swear to God, George.
Why are we fucking stopped?
who goes into a titty bar to suck a fucking cock.
What? 
You think that I wanted to go do that?
I had to, all right?
You didn't have to.
You fucking chose to.
and eat a plate of shit every time these guys fucking serve it up to you?
Go right ahead.
Just don't expect me to be sitting there with a fork and knife next to you.
If that fuck crosses me again,
-I'll fucking bury him.
-All right, all right, all right.
-Fucking apple face.
-All right, all right.
Look, I know. 
All right?
But don't worry about it.
Sal's gonna make...
Sal's gonna what?
Is that your new mantra?
"Sal's gonna"?
You know, I don't gotta join a club to know who my friends are.
It's not about fucking friends.
It's about business.
All right?
No, it's about business with me.
With you, who knows what the fuck it's about?
You got all these fucking big ideas.
You know what I got?
I got little ideas.
And they keep me fed and not dead.
Can you please get me the fuck out of here?
Hey.
Ali here?
What can I get for you?
Let me get a whiskey sour.
$6.
Keep the change.
You Ali?
Who's asking?
I'm Nick.
Okay. 
What's up?
I heard from your father there was some kind of problem with my cousin at the hair salon you were at the other day.
I'm here to apologize for him.
Well, I don't have a problem with you.
It's your little shit cousin that called me a cunt.
And who cares, anyway?
The person I work for, he cares.
It was an insult to you and to your father.
I'd like to try to make amends.
My father's insultable.
What are these?
They're for you.
They're flowers.
What am I supposed to do with them?
I don't know.
Put them in water.
Wait. 
Look. 
Okay.
I know there are better flowers.
Oh, really?
Why didn't you bring them, then?
Next time.
Next time.
What was your name again?
Nick. 
Nick Tortano.
Okay, Niccolo.
You go back and you tell your boss that everything's fine.
You'll live to see another day.
Whoa, whoa...
Just... 
Hang on. 
Hang on.
You gotta let me do this the right way.
Miss Matazano,
I am sincerely sorry my cousin was acting so disrespectful and out of line.
It was completely inappropriate.
I hope you can accept my sincerest apology.
Okay.
Thank you.
That was really nice.
And thank you for the flowers.
Hey.
You wanna go out with me?
Not in a million years.
What's up, brother?
I thought you were coming alone.
You gonna bust my balls?
I'm not allowed to have a friend in the world?
It's me. 
Let me in, Victor.
All right, come in.
Fucking asshole.
Victor, you know Nick? 
No?
Yeah, yeah, we met a couple of times.
-How you been?
-Good.
Yeah?
You wanna line of coke?
No, thanks, I'm good.
Are you sure?
This shit's cut with creatine, man. 
It's fire.
Well, if you don't mind, I'm gonna do a line.
Ooh.
Hey, Victor, where's Blackie?
He don't live with you no more?
What was that? 
Huh?
I said, where's Blackie? 
He don't live with you no more?
No, no. 
Not since he got sent upstate.
It's all right, though.
He's too into himself, you know what I mean?
A real narcissist.
I can't be surrounding myself with people like that anymore.
Fuck! 
Where are my manners?
Do you guys want a beverage or something?
But Blackie, you should've seen him when he got arrested.
The fucking guy started crying like a little bitch.
Fucking idiot.
Now, he's in the union.
Fucking union job.
Who wouldn't want a union job?
Like I don't want a union job?
I'd love a union job.
Making 1,800 a week.
I'd never fuck that up.
He's full of it.
Always talking big talk.
I fucking...
I never understand guys like that, you know?
They go on and on and on about nothing at all.
It's crazy.
Shit don't make no sense.
What am I doing?
It's all good, right?
Of course it's good.
Of course this shit's good.
I know it's all here.
I'll be right back.
You know what else?
Like, what's he thinking?
The cops ain't gonna fucking bust him 'cause he's banging hammers and pounding nails and fucking running wires on the weekends?
Fucking crazy.
Like, "Oh, I got a W-2, Officer.
Please, leave me alone.
Don't arrest me."
He got sent upstate to Shirley for, I think, two years or something.
I haven't talked to him.
It's crazy how you can be best friends with someone and then five minutes later you're fucking enemies. 
Right?
It's crazy because...
What the fuck, George?
- Nicky, are you serious?
- Get down on the floor.
Fuck, Nicky.
You heard the man.
On the floor.
Victor, you know I'll do it.
Get the fuck down.
What are you doing?
What the fuck, man?
Jesus Christ.
I thought we were friends, Georgie.
I been setting this up since I've known you.
George, we met two years ago.
Exactly.
He's good, huh?
Fuck!
--Fuck you!
You fuckers!
Cocksucker.
It's fucking frozen.
Guess I know where he hides it.
Hey, Nicky.
When are you gonna take me out and do something?
How old are you?
Hold on, Nicky.
Melissa, I don't pay you to talk. 
All right?
Go get dressed.
We open in an hour.
You hire relatives, that's what you get. 
All they wanna do is chit-chat.
She's a good kid.
I'll see you.
Whoa, Nicky.
Where are you going?
What's your rush?
I got to go. 
I'm late for Sal.
I'll talk to you later.
Sal and Jerry were in here last night.
The place was packed.
Yeah. 
Yeah, I noticed.
You're doing real well for yourself.
You're really expanding here.
On that note, um, I hate to bother you with this, but do you have that grand you owe me?
I'm sorry, Michael, I don't have it.
Things been pretty slow.
You know?
Slow. 
Yeah, I hear you.
You know, if you want, I can get you a job down at the deli or I can give you a couple of hours over here in the kitchen.
You could pay me back, work it off.
Don't bust my balls, all right?
I ain't that guy.
You ain't that guy?
I ain't that guy.
Which guy?
The guy who doesn't pay?
The guy who doesn't work?
Or are you the guy that wants to make trouble?
Do me a favor, Nicky.
Give me the money when you have it, please?
And say hi to Sal for me.
You got it.
-Thank you, Nick.
-Thank you.
-All right.
-All right.
Hey. 
Nicky, how are you?
I'm here to see Sal.
Oh, yeah.
You got an address.
Now, take care of it.
You got to know, there's a guy on that paper, ain't gonna show up nowhere never again.
Capisce?
Yeah.
Get this shifted.
Just move the boxes onto the trolley there.
All the boxes. 
Okay?
Hey, Nicky.
When you're young, you got options.
Later on, you don't.
Enjoy the sunshine, Nicky.
Be winter before you know it.
What's going on with my chatty friend over there?
I never heard you so quiet.
You want some air or something? 
You want me to roll the window down?
Yeah.
You know, you don't have to do this if you don't want to.
We can go get something to eat.
The first one is hard.
After that, it's...
I'm just leaving the office right now.
I'll be home in about a half an hour.
I love you, too.
Excuse me.
Easy.
Easy.
Good to see you.
-Sal.
-Nick.
A big day for you.
Yes, sir.
Excuse me.
In honor of the family, the family is open.
I, Niccolo Emilio Tortano want to enter into this organization to protect my family and to protect my friends.
Our thing you wish to be a part of,
it's a wonderful thing.
The greatest thing in the world.
Do you feel this way as well?
Yes, I do.
And wish to be a part of it for the rest of your life?
Yes.
You agree to be a soldier, follow the rules and obey our code of omerta
until your dying breath?
Yes.
Jerry, will you be Niccolo's  compare?
Proud of you.
As this saint burns, so will my soul burn.
I live and die by the gun and the knife.
I swear never to betray the secrets of this thing that we have and to obey with love and omerta the Sicilian code of silence.
This family, we help each other
because our people became outlaws.
What took place here today, only the Ghost knows, by God.
He who is blind, deaf and mute lives 100 years of happiness.
Which finger do you use to pull the trigger?
Mr.C.
Hey, Nicky.
Thank you for seeing me, sir.
Hey. 
My pleasure.
Got those credit card numbers we talked about?
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, I wanted to tell you, it was a stroke of genius.
Coming up with this idea.
-You want a drink?
-Sure.
Mikey, get him a drink, please.
These numbers ain't never been run by you, right?
No. 
That's the way you wanted it, right?
Yeah, that's the way I wanted it, but you had these over a month, right?
Nicky, I double-check 'em myself.
If I say they're over a month, you can go to bet on it.
I'll see you next time.
-Thank you, Mr. C. 
-Okay.
Nicky.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Don't forget, you're in to Michael for a grand, too, right?
-Oh, that fucking prick.
-You owe a lot of people money, man.
-Fuck that cocksucker.
-You gotta chill with that shit.
I work in his fucking deli, my ass.
What a bitch.
So go get him.
He knows everybody by name.
He knows everybody in the neighborhood.
He'll go crying to Sal like a big fucking baby.
So what? 
You're a made guy.
This guy's a fucking blowjob.
What am I missing?
Oh, yeah.
Listen, no more free ziti with meatballs and Italian subs. 
All right?
What's going on here?
What's the problem?
What's the problem?
The problem is you've opened four of these stores in the last three years.
How much money can you really be making selling fucking mortadella and prosciutto?
-Seriously? 
You're serious.
-What else are you doing?
Why are you asking all these questions?
You're driving around in a brand new Mercedes.
You wouldn't fucking lie to me, would you?
I see.
You got your button now.
You bring your baby gorilla here to scare me?
You know what? 
Why don't you tell Jerry to give me a call.
We'll settle this, okay?
Hey, wait. 
That's not...
That's not how it's gonna go.
That's no way to talk to me.
You're a gangster now?
No disrespect, Nick, but fuck you.
I ain't paying you shit.
- Shh, shh, shh.
All right?
How many accounts receivable you got?
How many people haven't paid you?
-You're asking me this?
-I'm asking you.
Ten, 20, too many.
Stand up.
Come on, get up.
Stand up.
Listen to me. 
All right?
Listen to what this is.
I take care of you.
You take care of me.
Anybody who don't take care of you is also not taking care of me.
I gave your brother Vito a job when he was a little kid.
And now it's time to repay the favor.
Yeah, let's go take a look at your books.
I'm gonna take care of everything, all right?
What are you fucking busting my balls for?
It's 32 grand in there.
I got 12 coming in from Freddy Charles in Lynn.
Also, you know, Tony's running them Slavic girls on the side.
Don't worry about Tony.
Don't worry about Tony.
And don't worry about his daughter either.
No, you can't call them.
The Feds know about that, too.
What?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the fuck do you want?
We, uh...
We heard you been running Ukrainian girls out of here.
Pimping them out to high-end clients.
Yeah?
You better start feeding your rat some better fucking cheese. 
All right?
'Cause there ain't no Ukrainian broads here.
These are local girls.
-Hmm?
-Oh, yeah.
Mmm-hmm.
Where're you from, sweetheart?
Rhode Island.
We know from a certain hotel off Boylston these girls are making $1,000 a night outside the club.
Can you believe this motherfucker?
Tony ain't gotta give you shit.
All right?
Just 'cause you're made, that don't mean nothing to us.
Really?
-Yeah, especially me.
Really.
Tell Tony we just want our cut.
It's that simple.
Hey.
Flowers again, huh?
What do you want?
It's next time.
Better flowers.
Thank you.
What...
What are you doing now?
Going home.
I could walk with you.
I'm okay. 
I can walk myself.
It's just a few blocks away.
I can walk with you.
My car's in the shop, but I like to walk.
It's a Cadillac.
-What?
-My car. 
It's a Cadillac.
It's a real comfortable ride.
I could give you a lift home sometime.
Yeah. 
Sure. 
Leather seats.
What, you don't like leather seats?
What's wrong with leather seats?
"You don't like leather seats?
"Who don't like leather seats?
Leather seats."
- That's how I sound?
I sound like that?
That's the way I sound to you?
You know what?
I'm gonna keep my mouth shut.
I'm not gonna say nothing else the whole walk home.
Oh, yeah. 
I bet.
Okay, then.
You may speak now.
Okay.
Vow of silence still?
Okay.
Okay.
Good night.
You wop greaser.
Good night, you stupid guinea.
Open your yapper.
Okay.
You just gonna keep bringing me flowers, huh?
Are we gonna go to the prom?
Oh.
I see. 
Ahem!
You're embarrassing yourself.
Come on, say something.
Tell me...
Tell me some more about your horsepower and your gold chains and your Virgin Mary.
Tell me...
Tell me how much you love your I-talian mother.
I'm a woman you can love.
Be careful.
Andyou couldn'tseethiscoming amileaway?
It's a setup.
Look at the patterns he was rifling in.
Nickel A and R. Dime, dime, dime, dime tease.
Nickel A and R. Maxes out every bet.
Bets every game.
One day, hockey and basketball, the next day football.
Come on!
He takes the favorite in every game.
We pay this guy for the past three weeks?
-Yeah.
-How much?
-10,000.
-10,000!
And he's down now, what?
25,000?
And you didn't cut him off?
I thought he was good for it.
Okay.
Mmm-hmm.
Who is this guy?
All I have is a phone number.
You're letting people take action, and you don't even know their faces, you fucking moron?
What the fuck are you doing about it, Joe?
What am I supposed to do about it, huh?
If I knew who the guy was or where he was,
- I'd break his fucking legs.
Mmm-hmm.
I call him. 
He says he ain't got the money.
And he fucking hangs up, Tony.
What do you want me to do?
- It's this fucking punk's fault.
Joe...
Get him the fuck out of here!
We have no idea who this guy is.
Why not?
All I got is a number.
What do you mean, you just have a phone number?
You're the fucking agent!
This is a fucking setup and you're all in on it.
Jesus. 
Fuck!
I'll do it myself.
What's the number?
Come on, give him the fucking number.
What are you doing?
- I just texted it to you.
Why don't you just fucking tell me the fucking number?
Jesus! 
Fuck!
Get out there.
Waste more of my time.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, you fucking moron.
Get out of here.
What are you, a fucking dickhead?
You trying to get me in fucking trouble?
Seriously?
Hey.
Hey.
Go make a buck.
What do you think, this is a dumb slut convention?
My God!
You two are depressing.
Is this F-4?
Come on, man, don't be such a fucking jerkoff.
You owe me 25,000.
It's been three weeks.
I'm gonna beat you.
I'm gonna fucking rape you in a body bag.
Oh. 
Oh...
Oh, I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry.
I had no idea your life was so fucking hard.
Yeah.
Yeah. 
I know the place.
Do you got my fucking money?
Okay. 
I'll meet you there now.
Fuck you, by the way.
Hey.
Hey. 
Hey.
Joy Luck Club, go shake your rice cakes, I got bills to fucking pay.
Yeah, don't think I didn't see that.
I see everything!
Hey.
Nice hat.
Yeah? 
You like it?
I do, I do. 
I like the hat.
Thanks. 
Just got it.
So, what do you want to do?
You want to go to the movies or something?
It's freezing.
How do you know my father?
What?
I don't talk to him.
He's an asshole.
Nick.
I stay away from him and the people he hangs out with. 
So...
'Cause he seems like such a sweetheart.
Look.
I like you. 
All right?
I didn't like you at all.
Hey.
Hey.
-See you.
-Bye.
Vito!
Hey.
You know, you don't got to smoke out here.
Mom ain't here to tell you any different.
Are you gonna say hello to me?
"Hey, Nick.
How are you, Nick?"
If you're not gonna talk to me,
give this to Vito for me, will you?
You're a big shot now.
Big tough guy, huh?
Excuse me?
What do you got?
What do you got here?
Wow, look at that.
Throwing it around.
Hey, who wants a hundie?
There's a 50 right there for you.
Take a 20, huh? 
Big shot.
Smells like blood to me.
It's college money.
It stinks.
You haven't had a job since Mom died.
Take the money.
If she knew what you were doing...
If your mother knew what you were up to, she'd be sick.
You'd kill her all over again.
There's 2 grand right here.
Get it out of my sight.
I think Vito could use it.
Don't you?
Over my dead body.
I'm begging you.
What do I got to say to you, huh?
What do I got to do?
What do I got to do to get through to you?
My boy. 
Beautiful boy.
If your mother were alive, she'd say, "Tuaviadumorde."
You say that to me?
I'm your son, Pa!
I have a son.
Get that out of my house.
JesusChrist,George.
Whatthefuck?
Imissed,like,ninecalls fromyoulastnight.
Istayedoverat Tony'sdaughter'shouse.
Sal'sgonnabe pissed, sokeepyourfuckingmouth shutaboutit ,allright?
Anyway,I gotyourmessage withsomefucking addressupin Lynn.
IguessI'llbethere in,like,an hour.
Fuck! 
Tony.
Hey! 
Look who it is.
Merry fucking Christmas.
Look at this guy, huh?
- What the fuck?
- Yeah.
He got fucked up.
What the fuck did you do, George?
I couldn't avoid this here.
What the fuck?
-A bit complicated.
What the fuck?
-He looks fucked up, doesn't he?
It's fucked up how it happened.
You want to hear the story?
I was rifling into this big book that a friend of mine had put me on with a few weeks back.
Anyways, must have been beginner's luck.
Because right out of the fucking gate, I'm hitting everything.
I won 10 grand.
First couple of weeks.
But what do I know about football?
I don't know shit about football.
Eventually, I started missing some bets.
Actually, the third week, I fucking missed everything.
I mean, I got fucking buried.
I was losing everything I put in.
Went down 25,000.
So I tried to be scarce.
Fall off the radar a minute.
I tried to avoid these pricks.
Honest to God, I did. 
I did.
But they kept calling
and harassing and calling and harassing my friend,
until eventually he caved in.
He coughs up my phone number.
So, yesterday I'm sitting at the house, I'm waiting for this broad to call me up, and I see a number I don't know.
I think it must be her.
And I pick up the phone.
You know whose voice I hear on the other line?
My handsome friend, right here.
I mean, what are the fucking chances?
It was fucking unbelievable.
I couldn't believe it.
I mean...
We just saw this prick a few weeks ago.
Fucked me all up.
Of course, right away, he starts with the tough talk.
The beatings and the body bags and the...
Real fucking wise prick.
I mean, this is one disrespectful fuck!
I gave him a bullshit story.
I told him I have half his money.
"I got half of your money, Tony.
"I got half."
Comes into my neighborhood.
And once he got out of his car,
I fucking tased him.
Threw him in the back of my car.
Well, I think you can deduce the rest of the story from there.
You set him up?
What are you? 
Fucking stupid?
You're gonna get us both killed.
You got to let him go.
I don't got to do shit!
George.
I didn't even know it was his book until I heard his fucking retarded voice on my phone.
I do know one thing, though.
See, to me, you know what this seems like?
It seems like fate.
I mean, Nick, I think they call it kismet.
--Fucking stop, George!
Oh, shit!
Hey! 
Hey! 
Hey! 
Jerry!
Jerry. 
What's up, huh?
You don't return our fucking calls?
You can't leave a voicemail?
Cut the shit, man.
Tony's missing.
Yeah, he don't return our calls either.
That's not like him.
Something's up.
You know where he is?
What do I look like, the fucking lost and found?
Hey, you don't want me to tell you what you look like. 
All right?
You better not know where my fucking boss is.
I know what I'd like to do to your boss.
But we got money on him.
Whoa. 
Wait a minute. 
We?
What do you mean, "we"?
All I see is one guy standing in a fucking empty loading dock.
There ain't no more "we." Okay? 
It's us.
All right? 
From here on out.
Don't think I don't know what the fuck's going on around here.
Hey. 
You know why they call me "daylight," right? 
Hmm?
You wanna find out?
Hey, get out of here, you fucking project trash.
Fuck you!
Uh...
I didn't mean for this to happen.
I'm sorry. 
All right?
You got to believe me.
I'm sorry.
They're fucking with Sal's business.
You got no idea what you're into.
You're in so far over your head.
Hey, hey, hey.
That mark, got you made, he was on the up.
He was just in our way.
You clueless... 
Fuck!
You don't talk to me like that. 
All right?
I'm a fucking made guy.
You might be protected, but Sal made me, all right?
So shut your fucking mouth.
Mr. Made Guy.
You got no idea the wrath Sal's gonna bring down.
Fuck this greaseball, Nick.
Fuck this greaseball fuck.
Untie him, George.
We're letting him go.
What?
I said untie the motherfucker, now.
I ain't fucking untying him.
What's done is done.
What do you think is going to happen when Sal sees him like this anyways?
Let him go, George.
Can't send him back to Sal like that.
Look at him.
-Hey, listen.
-Fuck.
You're gonna die out here, you fuck.
George.
You're gonna die ugly.
You're gonna die, you fuck.
You hear me?
You're gonna fucking die.
George!
George!
I said let him go now!
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah.
-That's how it's gonna be?
-That's how it's gonna be.
That's right, Nick. 
Shoot him.
Shut up!
Kill him, Nick. 
Shoot him.
Go ahead, shoot me.
Kill him.
Go on. 
Shoot him, Nick.
Let me tell you something, Tony.
Nick here, he ain't a shooter.
It ain't in his DNA.
Don't you fucking test me, George.
Yeah, Sal was gonna kill this fuck no matter what.
Huh?
Save yourself, Nick.
Shoot him.
Shoot him. 
Come on, kill him.
Go ahead, shoot me, Nick.
Hey, did you tell Tony about you and his daughter?
- George. 
Shut your mouth.
-Oh!
George.
-Oh, you didn't know?
Shut your fucking mouth.
Oh, he didn't know.
- This is beautiful.
It's fucking beautiful.
Shut up.
-Yeah. 
Hey, Tony.
-Shut up.
- Guess who's fucking your daughter?
Fuck you, George.
Yeah?
Yeah.
That apology,
-it went real well.
-Kill him.
She accepted it, I think. 
Yeah.
-Shoot him.
-Shut up!
Do it!
- He's fucking piping her.
- I swear to God, George!
- Fucking do him.
Shoot. 
Dead already.
Shut up!
- Shut up!
- Kill him!
- Why don't you tell Mr. Matazano...
Kill him.
- ...how you got made?
- Nick.
Why don't you tell him how you got made?
You know how he got made?
Who do you think made that hit for him?
-George.
-Who did it for him?
I fucking did that hit for him.
He was too afraid to pull the trigger.
It's not in him.
I fucking made you!
I made you!
Shoot him, Nick.
Kill him, Nick. 
Do it.
You don't have it in your heart.
Shoot him.
Kill him. 
Shoot him!
You know what?
Maybe we should untie him.
-Nick. 
Nick.
-Maybe we should untie him.
'Cause I want Sal and everybody else to know...
-What?
-...exactly who you are.
-Nicky.
-What?
Look, my daughter...
I could give a fuck, man.
Okay?
Your secret, don't worry.
-Your secret's safe with me.
-You ain't a shooter.
- Your secret's safe with me.
- Shut your mouth.
-Shoot him.
-You don't have the fucking heart to do it.
-Shoot me! 
Go ahead.
-Nick, shoot him.
Come on, please.
You ain't a shooter.
Shoot him. 
Nick.
-You're not a shooter.
Do it! 
Yeah, shoot him.
-Shut up! 
Shut up!
-Shoot him. 
Shoot him.
That's the fucking spirit!
I knew you had it in you.
I knew you had it in you.
How's that feel?
Where are you going?
Hey, where are you going?
This is your mess to clean up.
I brought the fucking contracting bags.
It was that kid from Dorchester.
Nick's boy. 
Georgie Mullins.
You sure that's the guy that owed Tony the 25?
Yeah. 
We finally found that agent. 
The one that's running the books.
He said it was Mullins.
Tony went to go talk to him, and that's the last time I heard from him.
I mean, add it up.
Nick don't answer.
Look, we've been looking for Tony everywhere.
I know those two motherfuckers know something.
I'll look into it.
Look, Sal.
We've been good to you.
You know?
I'll decide whether you've been good to me.
I told you I'll look into it.
-Tried his cell.
-Let's go find this prick.
Tried his cell phone, house phone.
Even called his father.
Yeah?
Nicky, where the fuck have you been?
I've been...
- I've been busy.
Where are you right now?
What?
Sal's looking for you, Nicky.
We need to see you now.
Tony'smissing andtheygotwind thatcrazymickofyours wasthelastone  thatseenhim.
They've gone over to your folks' house, looking for you.
Nicky, dotherightthinghere .
Nick here?
No. 
Nick don't live here.
Who are you?
You his brother?
Look, Nick's in deep shit.
Where the fuck is he?
Why don't you go fuck yourself?
Come back later.
What? 
Hey! 
Hey, hey.
Don't fucking close the door on me.
-What are you doing?
-What the fuck are you doing?
-Hey, hey, hey, hey.
-I got this. 
Dad, I got this.
-Just calm down.
-Get in the house. 
Please.
-You got a problem here?
-Yeah. 
Fuck you! 
Look...
You tell your brother Joe came by.
Okay? 
And I'm gonna find him, so you might as well tell me where he is.
We wouldn't tell you where he was even if we knew. 
Let's go.
Come on. 
Get... 
Get off...
-Get off my...
-Don't put your fucking hands on me.
This is private property.
Get your fucking hands off me.
Don't put your fucking hands on me.
-Fuck you!
-This is private property.
What are you gonna do?
You got a fucking problem?
Get out of here!
Don't put your fucking hands on me again, old man. 
You hear me?
Listen, your son's a fucking punk, all right?
He did the wrong thing to the wrong fucking people.
You're a punk.
I'm a punk?
He's gonna pay the fucking price.
Vito, no!
Hey, Vito!
Get back!
Vito! 
Get out of here!
Go home, guys! 
Vito!
- Get the fuck off me!
- Just go home!
You want to fuck with me?
Here you go!
- Motherfucker!
- Vito!
- No!
- Come on!
Dad?
Come on. 
Let's go.
Come on. 
Come on.
Come on! 
Get in the car!
Let's go! 
Tom, get in the car!
What the fuck?
My brother's gonna fucking kill you!
- You're okay.
Come on. 
You're okay.
Please, Pop.
Can you hear me, Pop?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me, Pop?
Can you hear me?
Get him in the car.
Help me get him in the fucking car.
-Help me get him in the fucking car!
-Nicky, Nicky. 
Nick. 
Nick.
Fuck!
Fuck!
I gotta talk to Sal.
Where is he?
He ain't gonna see you, Nicky.
Don't fuck with me, Jerry.
Where are they?
I'm gonna fucking kill him!
That Joe is a fucking dead man.
No, no. 
You're not.
We're gonna take care of things now.
You need to fucking relax, Nicky.
They killed my father, Jerry.
I'm sorry, Nicky.
Things are a mess right now.
They found Tony up in Lynn.
In a fucking bag.
And that guy in the parking garage.
He was straight, though, wasn't he?
He got in the way.
People get in the way.
In the way.
In the way of what?
Doesn't matter.
You didn't kill him, did you, Nick?
I told Sal to bring you in.
I put myself on the line for you.
Your own father didn't care if you was alive or dead.
-It's not fucking true.
-Here's what's true!
Get out of town.
Forget this girl.
Forget Sal. 
Forget this.
-Forget this, this thing we have.
-Jerry.
Jerry.
Look...
Hey, man, I'm so sorry.
Look.
This is what we gonna do.
We find them all one by one and then murder those fucks.
No reaction to that?
What's the matter?
-No emotion?
-Shut up, George.
Nick, they killed your fucking father.
I said shut the fuck up, all right?
You having second thoughts about what needs to be done here?
Why?
Is it because you're banging that whore?
That clown's fucking daughter?
Or is it because your boss, Sally Jane Fungulo, might get mad?
You're afraid of that?
Nick, we had to kill Tony.
How many times did he disrespect you?
Disrespected your friend?
You listen to me.
What happened the other night never happened, all right?
I know you, George.
You got a big fucking mouth.
A few weeks go by.
You get 10 deep in some bar.
gets the idea that what never happened, happened.
Who are you talking to?
You talking to me?
I run my fucking mouth?
You're an ungrateful fuck.
It wasn't enough that I saved your fucking pretty ass in Shirley?
That's not enough?
It ain't enough that I'm fucking cutting you in on all my action just so you can kick it back to these filthy fucking guineas?
It ain't enough?
It ain't enough that I gotta drive you around to suck all the dicks you gotta suck?
Guys like Joe?
That's what bullets were invented for.
Kill that fucker.
You gotta kill him.
You ain't like me.
You ain't nothing like me.
You're a fucking wannabe.
A fucking wannabe.
Talking about all that "restoring order to the North End" shit.
You never had it in you.
You're a fucking poser.
You never had it in you!
You're a fucking fraud.
You shut your mouth.
Everything you say is a lie.
Everything you think is a fucking delusion.
You shut your fucking mouth.
Everything you believe is a fucking delusion.
I said shut your fucking mouth!
You hear me?
You know who knew you were a fraud more than anyone?
Your old man.
Nice fucking friend I have.
Nice fucking friend I have.
You know who your friends are?
Big fucking mafioso man!
Look at you.
You're a made man now.
You're a made man!
--Where are your friends now?
Where are your friends now?
Where are your fucking friends now?
I can count mine on one finger!
Hey.
I've been calling you.
Can I come in?
I have to go to work soon.
You all right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Listen, some guys came around asking where my father is.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Do you know anything about that?
- I have to go away for a while.
What do you need?
Do you know where my father is?
Nick.
Would you go away with me?
Nick.
Would you?
Where's my father?
Fuck you!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Why did you do that?
Why did you do that?
I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
He's with the girl?
Get rid of him.
What are you doing?
I'm dropping this off for you.
That's for you.
Where you going?
I gotta take care of some stuff.
Let me go with you.
That's for you.
Hey!
Fuck you.
Don't fucking follow me.
Move over.
Let's take a drive.
I'm not surprised to see you, Niccolo.
It's done.
This thing that you have.
This family.
It's all I ever wanted.
But it's done.
Why don't you put that down?
You destroyed everything I ever cared about.
And now, I'm going to fucking kill you.
What the fuck have you done?
What have I done?
I've done what I needed to do.
Yeah?
You let those guys go over to my house.
My fucking house.
Killed my father. 
My girl.
Your father didn't care if you was alive or dead.
You might as well have been an orphan.
I gave you something and you threw it away.
You do all that, start killing people in cold blood so he finally approves of you?
Like he's looking down from heaven all proud?
Let me tell you something. 
Oh.
He ain't looking down on you from nowhere.
You're gonna have to kill all of us, Nick.
There ain't many left.
But there's enough for you.
Let me ask you a question, Sal.
You ever been in love?
Of course.
Who hasn't been in love?
Sal. 
I need a pick-up.
Need a lighter.

Meredith: 
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
Emergency rooms are kept in business by people who've learned that lesson the hard way...
Derek: 
You made waffles in our kitchen.
(Laughing) No, not me...
Your sister, in between weepy phone calls with the fiance.
...skydivers, bull riders...
People whose bold ideas can often result in broken bones and smushed spleens.
Well, being away from home is hard.
I've been in D.C. for so long.
I know how she feels.
You're the one who brought her here.
She doesn't need your sympathy.
She needs you to send her home.
Now, did she say that?
I'm sure she's telling James all about how we're holding her hostage.
Well, we can negotiate the terms of her release when I get home later tonight.
- Tonight?
You and I have a surgery scheduled this afternoon together.
Another meeting popped up.
I'm gonna have Amy cover for me.
- Mm!
- Sorry.
No. 
Not you. 
The waffles are amazing.
I'm gonna miss having a hostage.
Surgeons are trained to deal with the fallout of bold ideas.
We pick up the pieces and do our best to fit them back together.
Guys, Jo's dying.
They're stress hives.
I've been a mess since I heard hunt and Webber talk about firing one of us.
You're a mess? 
I've gained eight pounds this week.
You could stop eating.
Where do you even get these at 7:00 A.M.?
Drop it before I drop you.
You know who's not getting fired? 
Me.
I'm gonna keep my head down and stay out of trouble.
No, we should be impressing them, showing them they need us.
Wait. 
I'm confused.
Should I keep my head down, or should I put on a show?
You just need to go one week without having a nervous breakdown.
Why does everything keep coming back to that?
It happened once!
Relax. 
Hey, I'm the one who's in trouble.
Last one in, first one out.
Oh, please.
Even if you weren't Dr. Bailey's husband, you're still Webber's favorite.
Okay, I need two of you for rounds.
Warren, Murphy, let's go.
Nice knowing you.
Braden Morris' ALC and T-cell counts are fantastic.
Do you think it might actually be time for the boy to come out of the bubble?
It would appear so.
So why do you look like I just punched a kitten?
We can't send him home until I tell his parents the truth about how I treated him.
And before I do that, I need to inform the board.
- Miranda: (Sighs) Yang.
- Cristina: 
Mm?
I gave a patient a stem-cell transplant using deactivated H.I.V. as a viral vector in order to cure his SCID.
I did so against his parents' wishes.
Whoa.
Did it work?
Damn right, it did.
Up top! 
Hey!
(Elevator bell dings)
I've just informed the board.
Now, let's go see his folks.
Ooh, look at this cute, little fetus.
I want to send this to my mom.
Of course, right after the first trimester...
- Two more weeks.
- Come on, that's so far.
Look, if we start telling people, we got to tell my mom.
She already tried to torpedo our relationship once over a hypothetical child.
What do you think she's gonna do with a real one?
Oh. 
Hey, guys.
- Hey.
- Hi! 
Hey!
Just, uh, having a checkup with old ob-gyn, making sure all the parts are... in order.
Yeah.
Both of you?
- Callie Torres?
- Hi. 
Yes. 
That's me.
Uh, I think I can handle this on my own.
Okay. (Chuckles)
(Laughs) That was terrible!
- And what's up with this?
- I don't know!
- Mmm!
- Hey!
The, uh, first candidate's here and waiting in the conference room.
- Mm. 
I'm on my way now.
- Okay.
So, I still can't believe he's making you pick your replacement.
(Muffled) Mm.
I'm interviewing Dr. Russell's replacement, not mine...
Which I volunteered to do, by the way.
It's a punishment.
It's like making you clean the apartment you're vacating.
No, Owen knows this is the right move for me.
- He's been nothing but supportive.
- Mnh-mnh.
Something's coming.
I can feel it in my bones.
- Ew.
- I hate his face.
Okay, now look me in the eye and tell me this isn't a punishment.
Thank you for this waffle.
(Chuckles)
All right, Ms. Campbell. 
I'm just gonna grab you some gauze and...
Non-adherent gauze, Dr. Kepner.
Do you prefer tape or coban?
Where did you come from?
Oh, just trying to be useful, proactive.
Finding needs and filling them...
That's my business.
30-year-old male, motorcycle versus s.U.V.
Complex scalp lac and bilateral hip dislocations.
Vitals are stable.
Wilson, you want to be useful?
- Yeah.
- Take him to trauma one.
Start the ABC's, get him off the board, and get him his trauma X-rays.
And I will join you as soon as I finish up with Ms. Campbell over there.
Absolutely. 
Of course, Dr. Kepner.
Thank you for the opportunity.
You're welcome!
Teresa: (Laughing) I don't believe it.
- We can take him home?
- Absolutely.
(Sighs) Oh!
This is just... this is just wonderful.
Thank you, Dr. Bailey.
Thank you so much for hearing us and just letting him get better on his own.
Uh, Mr. Morris...
Braden did not get better on his own.
What do you mean?
I gave him the treatment.
They did not react as I had hoped they would.
(Sighs) Legal action never crossed your mind?
I had hoped that they would see the bigger picture.
Uh, Dr. Edwards should be excused.
She wasn't involved.
Did she know what you were doing and fail to report it?
She was involved.
Okay, um...
I'm gonna get someone on the phone from legal, and till I come back, don't go anywhere.
Don't speak to anyone. 
Don't move.
(Door slams)
(Sighs)
Okay.
Parents authorized your treatment with signed consent.
Yes.
Then they told Dr. Edwards that they changed their mind.
Yes.
Dr. Edwards informed you, Dr. Bailey, of the parents' withdrawal of consent.
- Yes.
- Yes.
And then you gave the patient the stem-cell transplant anyway.
Have you told anyone else about this?
I informed Dr. Yang this morning as a representative of the board.
What did she say?
She gave me a high-five.
And did you apologize?
To the parents.
An apology could go a long way in circumstances like this.
An apology is only effective when a mistake's been made.
I chose not to honor their wishes.
It wasn't a mistake.
(Sighs)
All right, Dr. Ross.
Tell us what's so special about little Jacob here.
Jacob has an omphalocele.
He was born with his abdominal organs outside of his body.
We've been managing him with daily application of silver-sulfadiazine ointment as a bridge to delayed closure.
And that's your job.
And to keep an eye on the other tiny humans.
It should be a quiet and adorable day.
Whoa.
Look at you, all grown up.
- How's the private sector?
- Oh, couldn't be better.
I, uh, just came by to check on my inguinal-hernia kid.
Oh. 
Oh, great. 
Well, don't be a stranger.
Yeah, you too.
Hey, Ross, hold up.
I'm not gonna hit you.
I just, uh, want you to check up on an old patient of mine...
Kevin Platt, short-gut kid.
Did he get his STEP procedure yet?
Robbins has it scheduled for Wednesday.
He's here for TPN till then.
Cool. 
Got it.
That's my tablet.
Monica Zarr, 27, in remission from rectal cancer.
(Farts)
Okay.
Uh, Monica now suffers from poor sphincter control due to her low anterior resection. (Farts)
She's here today for the implantation of the permanent rectal pacemaker.
Gosh, when you say it, it sounds so sexy.
(Farting)
Sorry.
Honey, there's no need to apologize.
(Farting continues) They're doctors.
Um, Monica, I asked you to keep records of your movements after your last surgery.
Right. 
The log log.
- Paul, give him the poop diary.
- Sure.
Every 4 hours and 26 minutes.
(Farting continues)
The sacral-nerve-stimulator lead we implanted should have cut your frequencies down far below this.
I'm sorry. 
I'm gonna recommend that we not implant the permanent pacemaker.
In fact, I think we should use the O.R. time to remove the lead wire.
But I'm pooping way less.
But it's not enough to consider the device effective.
- We should explore some other options.
- Such as?
Antidiarrheals, high-fiber diet, smaller meals.
I'm a professional dancer.
My diet's pretty much leaves and twigs already.
There has to be something else.
Sweetie, we made it through your cancer.
We'll make it through this. (Belches)
I am so sorry. 
I couldn't help it.
But also, she farted like 80 times, and I did not laugh once.
No, you just belched to rattle the windows.
And Dr. Warren did neither, so he's gonna take the lead on the lap chole.
- You prep Monica for surgery.
- Yes, sir.
And take an antacid before you go back in there.
No, you need to bend the knee first.
Did you get those X-rays, Wilson?
(Scoffs) Think I'd be in here if she hadn't?
Well, somebody's sure a grumpus today.
Wilson, fill me in.
Hey, what the hell?
I'll be with you in two shakes of a lamb's tail, Dr. Torres.
Vitals have been stable. 
Trauma lab's done.
Primary survey revealed a large, briskly bleeding scalp lac.
I put a pressure dressing on for you to assess.
C.T. negative for abdominal or intracranial hemorrhage, but did show bilateral hip dislocations, one anterior and one posterior, with an acetabular wall fracture, but both have been reduced.
Wilson, this traction pin's not gonna place itself. 
Let's go.
Oh, yes. 
Sure. 
Of course.
Such a grumpus!
Do you see this pin, Kepner?
You call me that nonsense word one more time, you won't like where I stick it.
(Drill whirs)
So, you'll access the spine through the retroperitoneum, and I will perform the fusion with bone graft between L5 and s1.
(Cellphone rings)
Do you need to take that?
(Clears throat, Sighs)
Nope.
So, Derek usually does the... (Cellphone rings)
- You can take the call. 
It's okay.
- It's fine.
(Sighs) I'm sorry.
Just because Derek and I are having a hard time juggling our lives, that doesn't mean that we should keep you from yours.
(Cellphone rings) You know what? 
I liked you a lot better when you were the sister-in-law who didn't give a crap.
Could we just go back to that? 
That would be great.
Am I qualified to run the department?
Yikes. 
You know, not my call.
What I do know is that for some strange reason, since I was a resident, I keep getting thrown the riskiest, high-profile cardiothoracic surgeries.
- I mean, why me, you know?
- Uh-huh.
So, you did your fellowship in Philadelphia under Jack Alexander?
- Oh, do you know Dr. Alexander?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, such a great guy. 
Really, sweet as pie.
Which is why it was always a little embarrassing when our chief of surgery would come to me for consults instead of Dr. Alexander.
I took it as a compliment, but still, awkward.
Mm.
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Interrupting jellyfish.
- Interrupting je...
Ohh! 
That's my favorite one!
Hey, Dr. Ross.
Kevin doesn't need the T.P.N this afternoon.
Dr. Karev said he could do his surgery today.
Oh, that's... but Dr. Robbins.
Ross, let me explain short-bowel syndrome to you.
Kevin here is missing a big chunk of his small bowel, which means he needs surgery to lengthen it.
The sooner we operate, the sooner he goes home.
- Sound good to you?
- Yeah.
We just need to transfer you onto my service.
Dr. Ross will pick up the paperwork for you.
Hey, I should let Dr. Robbins know.
He's my patient.
Or he will be, as soon as they sign the transfer papers.
I don't feel good about this.
You got two choices.
You can feel good about it and scrub in with me, or you can rat me out to Robbins and I tell her you didn't check placement of some kid's feeding tube and he nearly died from aspiration pneumonia.
But that's not true.
Yeah, but I worked with her for years.
You went nuts and killed my dad.
Who's she gonna believe?
You've already been the head of your own department for two years.
You think I look too young.
I finished high school early.
Also med school.
It's pretty annoying, right? 
(Chuckles)
Yeah, it's pretty annoying.
Excuse me. 
Sorry to interrupt.
Can I borrow Dr. Yang for a moment?
Excuse me.
Hope you saved the big guns for last.
They're all solid candidates on paper, but between the humble-bragger and the girl who rode in on the big wheel...
Cristina, I need to know exactly what Bailey said to you this morning.
(Sighs) About?
Her patient... the deactivated h.I.V.
Drawing a blank.
Really?
Well, I've been interviewing all day.
I'm surprised I remember my own name.
You know what?
It's probably for the best.
Oh, and... go easy on these guys.
You know, they can't all be you.
Dr. Avery, I haven't held my son in months, and I want him to come out, but for all we know, she could be making up numbers to cover her own ass.
Yeah, we can't trust that it's safe.
I mean, what if we get him home and something happens?
You know what?
I understand your concerns.
What I'm saying is if the labs show...
Are you a parent, Dr. Avery?
My, um... my wife and I are, uh, expecting.
Well, if someone did this to you, your child, how would you react?
I'll go ahead and run some new labs for you myself.
(Sighs)
All right, that might be enough weight.
All right. 
Ready for that X-ray?
- Man: 
Right away.
- Whoops! 
Looks like I need more irrigation.
Uh, Wilson, can you take over?
Yes, absolutely, Dr. Kepner.
(Mockingly) "Absolutely Dr. Kepner."
(Normal voice) Who are you? 
I thought you had grit.
I do! 
I do have grit!
Okay, well, all I see is some "yes, ma'am, no, ma'am" sissy girl, and there's no place in ortho for sissy girls.
Do you hear me?
Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Sweetie, look.
This says yoga might help. 
You love yoga.
Are you crazy? 
I can't do downward dog.
In a hot room?
(Farts) (Groans)
(Sighs)
A bunch of yoga won't get me my job back.
You lost your job over this?
They can't fire you over something you can't control.
After the cancer, I was supposed to have my big return to the stage.
I was able to make it through rehearsals, running back and forth to the bathroom, but then, the first full run-through, no breaks...
Oh, no.
...blastoff, in the middle of a pirouette.
The fact that it didn't happen in front of an audience is the only thing that kept me from shooting myself in the face.
She's exaggerating.
Paul, it was like frickin' spin art.
(Sighs)
Hey, where's Kevin Platt?
Dr. Karev took him up to surgery.
Hey, what, are you poaching patients now?
I didn't poach anything.
- You stole my short-gut kid.
- (Sighs) All right.
Up until a few weeks ago, he was our short-gut kid.
Look, his parents know me. 
They're fine with this.
Consents are signed, and he's just about... prepped.
Ross?
Really? 
(Scoffs)
The kid's on the operating table.
What do you want me to do?
This was a jerk-ass move, Karev, and you know it.
So, no one's qualified?
No, I mean, they're all qualified...
But Owen's right.
I need to accept that none of them are gonna be me.
- That's his plan.
- What's his plan?
Owen. 
Didn't make sense before.
A fellow interviewing potential department heads, showing you a bunch of people you won't like to get you to stay.
He wants to offer you the job.
Mer, you... you're thinking about this way too hard.
You don't offer a first-year attending head of cardiothoracic surgery. 
It's just not done.
You just got hired to run an entire research facility.
You're perfect for the job.
Wait, two seconds ago, I wasn't qualified to interview the candidates, and now you're saying that I'm perfect for the job?
- Yeah, because you're you.
- Okay, I'm lost.
Is Owen the one plotting to keep me here, or are you?
Now you're the one thinking about it too hard.
She's a dancer. 
This isn't just a job.
This is who she is.
And we're just gonna send her home farting and pooping uncontrollably for the rest of her life?
And we're done with the chili.
(Belches)
- Webber told you to take an antacid.
- I did!
I drank half a bottle, and it didn't do anything, and then I got all anxious about that, and the next thing you know, I'm on the train to pizza town.
You know what you need? 
A magnetic esophageal sphincter.
Bailey put one in an old lady last week...
A ring of little magnets at the end of the esophagus, just above the stomach.
Lets food in, stays closed so you don't keep... (Belches) ...doing that.
- Yes. 
Yes.
P-please get that thing.
- It's a magnetic sphincter?
- Yeah.
So, if it closes the opening for the food on the way in, wouldn't it work on the way out?
What, for our cancer dancer?
- It's actually pretty good.
- Yeah. 
You should pitch it to Webber.
Hey, Edwards, um, you've been working with Bailey, right?
She was supposed to meet me for lunch, but she hasn't returned any of my calls. 
Something up?
What the hell's the matter with you?
- How could you be so reckless?
- Whoa, how did you...
I had to hear it from Edwards!
- I sure as hell didn't hear it from you! 
- I couldn't tell you.
I didn't want you to have to lie for me.
Dr. Warren, I'd appreciate it if you stepped outside.
Look, she is my wife.
(Sighs)
Okay, um...
The lawyers are meeting now.
We're discharging Braden soon, but it does not look like the Morrises are gonna let this go.
- So it looks like a malpractice suit?
- Worse.
Assault and battery charges.
Tuck's soccer practice is gonna be over soon.
I was supposed to pick him up. 
Can you?
There's nothing you can do for me here.
Braden's coming out of the bubble?
Yeah.
I wish I could have seen that.
Suction, please.
You can go, Ross. 
I've got it from here.
Come on. 
We're in the middle of a surgery here.
I know. 
You stole my patient, but you can't steal Ross.
He works for us. 
He's my resource, and I need him in the NICU doing what he was told to do.
You need an assist? 
You've got one.
How can I be of help to you?
Sorry, I'm having a little bit of trouble dividing these branching vessels.
I can retract the iliac vein medially to help with exposure.
Thanks.
Derek's coming home tonight.
Yep.
Which means you can go home.
I understand.
I'm sorry.
You were just trying to be nice, and I bit your head off.
I will be out of your hair first thing tomorrow.
Oh, that? 
No. 
This is not about that.
I've already forgotten you said that.
So, this isn't you kicking me out for being a bitch?
No. 
No, we love having you here, but we don't want to keep you from your life any more than we have to, so... (Laughs)
What's so funny?
N... 
I'm sorry. 
It's just...
If I had spoken to anyone at Seaside Wellness the way I spoke to you, I-I would have to have a conversation for six hours about it.
I love it here.
James and I have not been fighting about the fact that I'm still here.
We have been fighting about the fact that I never want to leave.
So, you want to give me a bionic butthole?
It's magnetic.
Yeah, it was Dr. Murphy's idea.
Well, it's commonly used as the esophageal sphincter to reduce reflux and prevent food from coming back up the throat, but we think, with a bit of modification, that it might work just as well for your stool.
Have you done this before?
Richard: 
No, but, uh, it wouldn't be the first time that a medical device was adapted to something other than its original intention.
But, uh, we're willing to give it a shot if you are.
(Farts) W-what do you think, honey?
(Farts)
Yes. 
Please.
(Clears throat) Thank you.
Oh, my God. 
Thank you.
- Paul, you okay?
- (Sighs shakily) I am ecstatic.
My heart broke when Dr. Webber said the pacemaker wouldn't work, but now you can have a normal life.
I mean, you can be comfortable.
This can all end here.
Baby, I love you so much, and, I mean, that cancer was one thing, but I don't know how much more of this I could take.
- I-I-I... the smell - ...
Okay, yeah.
We'll take one magnetic butthole, please.
(Farts)
20 pounds. 
Let's see if it's fully reduced this time.
- All right, you ready to shoot?
- Uh, wait. 
I'm almost finished.
Okay, well, I need to make sure that his hip isn't grinding on broken bone pieces.
- Yeah.
- Hold o... 
Just give me a second.
- Just put on a lead apron!
- Please give me a second!
- Kepner.
- Dr. Kepner, put on the damn apron!
(Sighs)
Torres, I can't be in here while you do the X-ray.
Um... 
Wilson, take over for Dr. Kepner.
God, you're so weird today.
- I'm sorry. 
I...
- Shut it.
Just shut it.
I'm telling you, kid, this is the place to be.
It's quiet.
The company's great.
You and me, we got a lot in common.
My intestines are on the inside, but still,
I know what it's like to feel exposed.
If we stick together, I think we'll be okay.
In fact... (Machine beeping rapidly)
What the hell, man!
I thought we were friends!
His omphalocele's ruptured!
Get me saline, sterile dressings, and vicryl mesh, now!
Reload stapler.
You're not gonna oversew the staple lines?
Staples alone should do it.
Hmm. 
You don't want to take the time?
I mean, I would, but, you know, I don't like leaks, so...
This isn't my first STEP procedure.
Oh, I know. 
I taught you how to do your first STEP procedure, which is why it blows my mind that you would try and poach my patient.
Why are you making such a big deal?
Because it's freaking rude, Alex, and I don't deserve to be treated like that.
I taught you better than this.
You're out in the world now... (Telephone rings) ...But what you do reflects on me, and I do not approve of this, and neither will Lebackes.
So, what, you're gonna tattle on me?
Dr. Robbins, you're needed in NICU. 911.
And I spearheaded a hybrid O.R. that offered more flexibility between non-invasive and invasive techniques...
Gamma cameras, the whole works.
I definitely want to bring that here.
Wow, impressive.
Uh, well, do you have any questions for me?
One.
There's a rumor that working here means giving up hope of ever winning the Harper Avery.
Oh. 
That's... (Clicks tongue)
That would make a difference for you?
Of course it would.
I mean, it's the goal, right?
I assume it's why you're leaving.
No.
You'll probably never win a Harper Avery.
I've known people who have deserved Harper Avery's, and people who have won them, and the thing they all have in common was the work.
They are focused on the work and the patient, on making someone better or someone whole or someone live.
That's their goal.
So... no.
I mean, you, specifically, will never win a Harper Avery.
Not if that's what you're after.
Uh... so, that's...
You know, I wouldn't give this place another thought. 
You'd be a terrible fit.
Thank you so much for coming in, though.
(Machine beeping rapidly) I don't know what happened.
It burst, Ross.
That's what happened. 
Move.
Fran, get me a larger vicryl mesh.
I need to protect his organs.
- Can I do anything?
- You can step outside.
Go.
We ran the labs twice, and his immune-system values are within the normal range.
(Laughs)
(Sighs shakily)
Let's do it.
Okay.
Okay.
Come on.
(Air rushes)
(Laughter)
Oh!
(Sighs)
Oh!
(Smooches) Oh, baby!
(Sighs) She went about it the wrong way, but Bailey's treatment did work.
A-a-are you looking for a "Thank you," Dr. Hunt?
She's lucky he's alive, because we're only gonna take her license.
When we're done, she won't practice medicine ever again.
(Voice breaking) And if we lost him,
I wouldn't stop until she was behind bars. 
I...
It wasn't Dr. Bailey's fault.
She didn't do anything wrong.
It's my fault he got the treatment.
It's mine.
I-I forgot to tell her you wanted to withdraw consent, so she just went ahead, and when I told her the truth, she covered for me.
- It was a mistake.
- David: 
You forgot?
!
You just... forgot?
!
- Hold on.
- David, please.
Look, Dr. Edwards is a resident, a trainee...
And if you want to yell at someone, then...
In what world does that make it okay?
My son could have died, and you're just gonna stand there and tell me that it's okay because it would have been a mistake?
!
- David.
- Wha...
- Honey.
- David, come here.
Come here.
Sit down.
David, he's alive, and he's healthy, and we can take him home.
Maybe... maybe we should just go home, hm?
Can we, dad? 
Can we go home?
Yeah?
Okay.
(Sighs)
Richard: 
Okay.
You're gonna want to position the ring in apposition at the level of the anorectal junction.
Good. 
Uh, careful.
Okay, once it's aligned, we'll use the attached sutures to tie the ends together.
- Like this?
- No.
Now, you need to provide passive reinforcement to the canal.
That's better.
Now, don't add tension when you throw your knots.
When it's connected, we will confirm placement with the fluoro.
How far along are you?
- 10 weeks, today.
- Mm.
(Chuckles)
Mm.
I know it's still early.
We're not really supposed to be telling anyone, but... (Gasps) Wow.
(Laughs)
But we're happy about it?
Yeah.
Yeah, we are. 
We're really...
Really happy.
(Sobs)
Oh, hey.
Thanks.
Oh, those... those tears aren't...
Aren't for me, are they? 
(Sobbing)
There's a reason you were such a grumpus today?
- That is not a word!
- Sorry. 
I know.
My mom says it.
It sounds so stupid that once you hear it, it's hard to stay angry.
Note to self... does not work on Callie.
We're trying to have another baby...
And, uh, I had an appointment this morning, you know, just to get the lay of the land.
But, uh, I guess since the car accident, I've developed all these adhesions, and so I can't carry another baby.
(Sniffles)
Oh, Callie, I'm so sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, too.
Wilson, we need to put a bell on you.
I owe you both an apology for snapping.
We overheard that one of the residents isn't coming back next year, and I've just been so afraid that it might be me.
- Could be.
- Totally possible.
♪ More, more, more ♪
It's not that James isn't amazing. 
He is.
I mean, he really helped me through something.
But I'm through it now, you know?
I mean, I'm on the other side, you know?
And now, when I stop and look around, I just... (Sighs)
I don't think I need him anymore, which is terrible, right?
I-I-I don't know. 
When we're done here,
I am gonna go and meet with our patient's family, and then I'm gonna go home and bake a cake with your kids and read them a really long bedtime story.
And then, when I have absolutely no more ways of avoiding breaking the heart of this man who deserves better,
I'm gonna call James, and I'm gonna tell him that I love him...
But I can't do this anymore.
She's lying!
Bailey, that is enough.
I understand you wanting to protect our residents, but you should not have let it go this far.
Well, you're taking her word over mine!
It is over, Bailey.
The Morrises have agreed to drop the charges in exchange for Edwards receiving one week's disciplinary suspension.
They have gone home.
You should both do the same.
♪ If you want more ♪
♪ If you want more, more, more ♪
What the hell is wrong with you?
!
If you got fired over this, no one would benefit from this treatment the way Braden did.
You were gonna go down for this, Dr. Bailey.
You knew it could happen, but you were willing to risk everything to save that little boy.
What kind of surgeon would I be if I wasn't willing to do the same?
Plus, there's a chance I won't even be here next year, so I was just rolling the dice.
I was looking at the bigger picture.
You're not going anywhere without a fight from me.
(Sniffles)
If it's all right with you, sir, I'd like to stay on Monica's case.
I want to be there when she comes back for a follow-up.
Come over here.
Let's, um... 
let's have a seat.
(Sighs)
That was a good move today, Murphy.
You're very bright, and you have what it takes to be a very good doctor.
(Sighs)
But you're not a surgeon.
What?
Standing next to you in surgery today only confirmed it.
You make five moves where a second-year resident should make two.
Your knots aren't square.
You can't see the planes of dissection.
Next year, you'd only fall farther behind.
N... 
I-I can work harder.
I can... 
I can do better.
A surgical residency just isn't the right fit for you.
Is...
Is this because I filed that harassment complaint?
No, Murphy. 
No.
Letting you go isn't a punishment.
It's a kindness.
And you deserve every opportunity to figure out what your next steps might be.
In the meantime, Dr. Miller at the university of Washington runs a research lab, and I think you would do very well there.
She owes me a favor.
I'd be more than happy to make a phone call.
Thank you, sir. (Chuckles)
(Sighs)
So, observe him carefully overnight, and in a few weeks, we'll do a double-thickness skin graft.
Okay.
(Sighs)
What, did you come to steal more babies?
Don't tell Lebackes.
Oh, God. 
That makes it worse.
- Y... get out.
- Look, I'm sorry.
I screwed up.
Kind of...
I'm drowning over there.
Here, cases come in all the time.
I can prove myself.
Over there, if you're not bringing in the cases, you're not bringing in the money, and you're a nobody.
I don't want to lose this gig.
I didn't know what else to do.
I'm in trouble, and I need help.
What do you mean?
When something like this happens, you call me, and you say,
"Arizona, I'm in trouble, and I need help."
And I help you.
- Do you understand?
- Right.
Miranda: 
I couldn't tell you.
So you said.
♪ I feel I've got to ♪
I... 
I need to know.
This risk, w-was it absolutely necessary?
He was dying.
And I created something out of thin air.
I took a virus that kills into something that heals, and I saved his life.
I saved his life.
♪ For I toss and turn ♪
♪ I can't sleep at night ♪
♪ Once I ran to you ♪
♪ I ran ♪
♪ Now I run from you ♪
♪ This tainted love... ♪
You know, I've thought about it, and if you want to send the ultrasound to your mom, that wouldn't be the worst thing.
- You've told!
- I d... 
I-I kind of...
Who did you tell?
- Stephanie?
- (Laughing) Oh, wow.
So, after all the crap you gave me this morning, you went and told your ex-girlfriend?
- It was an accident, okay? 
I'm sorry.
- Okay. 
Uh-huh.
♪ Tainted love ♪
I forgive you.
- Thanks.
- Mmhmm.
Still don't know how we're gonna tell my mom.
(Chuckles) What do you mean, "we"?
That is all you, talkie Tina.
♪ Get away ♪
♪ But I'm sorry I don't pray that way ♪
How are your hives?
Oh, my back looks like a political map of the United States...
Big mess of red down the middle, plus Alaska.
- Bad day?
- Bad day.
- Did you pop a baby?
- I popped a baby.
I don't even know what that could mean.
And do not elaborate.
You guys are gonna be fine.
(Scoffs) That's easy for you to say.
Your big victory in the O.R... 
You're fine.
One of us is definitely going down.
(Sighing) Come on, let's go drink about it.
♪ Tainted love ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
You really think I'm gonna be okay?
I really do.
♪ Don't touch me, please ♪
♪ I cannot stand ♪
Go, go, go. 
I'll meet you there.
♪ The way you tease ♪
♪ I love you though you hurt me so ♪
♪ Now I'm gonna pack my things and go ♪
♪ Tainted love ♪
♪ Tainted love ♪
Well, I... 
I could do it.
(Sighs)
- No.
- I could.
I could carry the baby.
I won't ask you to.
But I'm offering.
Because we want this.
I want this.
And I can do it.
We just got good again.
Mnh-mnh. 
Now we're too fragile.
And something like this... if it goes badly, we won't make it.
I'm not gonna put us in that position.
(Sighs) Okay.
Okay.
(Sighs)
We have a beautiful life.
We have a beautiful daughter.
And that can be enough, right?
Yes.
That can be enough.
(Sniffles)
(Sobs)
I love you, Calliope.
I love you, too.
♪ And make her do a high handstand ♪
♪ And take your baby by the heel ♪
Hey. 
How'd it go?
Do we have a new head of cardio?
Ugh, I don't know.
I did screen all these applicants before they came to you.
They couldn't have been all that bad. 
No, they're mostly fine.
No, not fine. 
Good.
Any one of them could do the job.
Except humble-bragger.
What?
The Harper Avery foundation's been looking for ways to mend fences with us after what happened to you.
A large cash infusion into our cardio department could allow us to attract a higher-caliber of talent, and then...
Owen, don't.
- The worst they can do is say no.
- Please don't...
- Please don't offer me this job.
- I... ♪ Dance hall days, love ♪
♪ Take your baby by the hair ♪
I wanted to...
For a week.
(Sighs)
But I know you have to go.
And I know nothing good can come of me asking you to stay.
♪ We were so in phase ♪
So I'm not.
♪ In our dance hall days ♪
And I won't.
♪ We were cool on craze ♪
Thank you.
♪ When I, you ♪
♪ And everyone we knew ♪
(Sighs)
But I will ask you something else.
What?
♪ And share in what was true ♪
♪ I said ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Dance hall days, love ♪
- Owen...
- Just until you go.
Don't leave me until you're leaving me.
Just until you go.
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Dance hall days, love ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Dance hall days, love ♪
♪ Take your baby by the wrist ♪
♪ And in her mouth, an amethyst ♪
♪ And in her eyes, two sapphires blue ♪
Hey, stranger!
Hey!
What are you drinking?
You know what? 
Doesn't matter. 
You can dump it out.
This is better.
♪ You need her and she needs you ♪
Champagne is perfect, because...
I was wrong about the Amelia situation.
She doesn't want to leave.
She wants to stay.
She can take over your service.
She can help out with the kids.
You can brain map to your heart's content.
I don't have to pull my hair out.
(Laughing) It is the answer we've been looking for.
- This is great!
- It is, right?
Yeah. 
Amy can move to Seattle, and we can move to D.C.
That wasn't the point of my story.
I met him, Meredith.
I met the president.
He came to us.
We walked him through everything we've been working on.
And then, at the end of it, he said that he wanted to make this a weekly thing.
They offered me a position at the n.I.H.
It's the job.
I'll be right there, on the ground, doing the actual brain-mapping work myself.
They've given me everything.
Well, we can't just... pack up and move across the country.
They have promised to have an attending position waiting for you at James Madison hospital.
The thing about the bold moves...
They're terrifying.
Could end in nothing but tears and broken bones.
If Amy wants to move to Seattle, she can take over my practice without me hovering over her, and she will thrive.
Alex is leaving, Cristina's moving on.
They're... they all have their next step.
This could be our next step.
This should be our next step.
And that's exactly what makes them so damned exciting.

THE UNIVERSE WAS BORN TO DIE.
BUT HOW AND WHEN WILL IT ALL END?
THAT'S THE REASON I BECAME A COSMOLOGIST.
I WANTED TO BE THE FIRST PERSON THAT WOULD KNOW
HOW THE UNIVERSE WOULD END.
TWO COSMIC HEAVYWEIGHTS WRESTLE FOR CONTROL.
THE WINNER SEALS OUR FATE.
THE TUG OF WAR IS GRAVITY,
WHICH IS TRYING TO SHRINK IT DOWN,
AND THE EXPANSION OF SPACE AND TIME ITSELF.
WILL GRAVITY TRIUMPH?
THE UNIVERSE WILL GET SMALLER AND SMALLER, HOTTER AND HOTTER.
OR WILL EXPANSION GET THE UPPER HAND?
EVEN THE ELECTRONS AROUND YOUR ATOMS WILL BE RIPPED APART.
THE END IS COMING,
AND IT COULD BE SOONER THAN YOU THINK.
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS
THE UNIVERSE IS EVERYTHING
ALL SPACE, ALL TIME, ALL MATTER.
THE EARTH IS A SPECK BY COMPARISON,
A GRAIN OF ROCK ORBITING JUST ONE OF THE 200 BILLION STARS
IN OUR HOME GALAXY, THE MILKY WAY.
IN TURN, THIS ENORMOUS STRUCTURE IS JUST A DROP
IN AN OCEAN OF GALAXIES THAT STRETCH
FOR 90 BILLION LIGHT YEARS.
AND ALL OF THIS,
FROM THE BIGGEST GALAXY TO THE SMALLEST ATOM,
WILL ONE DAY DIE.
WE DON'T SEE EVIDENCE OF ANYTHING BEING ETERNAL.
ETERNITY DOESN'T EXIST.
EVEN SPACE AND TIME WILL COME TO AN END.
THE UNIVERSE HAS BEEN EXPANDING SINCE ITS BIRTH,
GRADUALLY BURNING THROUGH THE FUEL THAT LIGHTS ITS STARS.
BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE FUEL RUNS OUT?
WILL IT ALL JUST FADE AWAY?
STARS DIE OUT, USE UP THEIR NUCLEAR FUEL.
WE HAVE AN EMPTY, COLD, DESOLATE UNIVERSE.
JUST DEAD REMNANTS OF STARS --
BLACK HOLES, NEUTRON STARS.
EVENTUALLY, THEY DECAY AWAY,
AND YOU'RE LEFT WITH A THIN HAZE OF VERY LOW ENERGY LIGHT.
THAT'S IT.
WE USED TO THINK THE UNIVERSE
WOULD CRUISE GENTLY INTO OLD AGE.
BUT OVER THE PAST FEW DECADES,
ASTRONOMERS HAVE REVEALED A VERY DIFFERENT
AND DISTURBING PICTURE.
THE UNIVERSE ISN'T CRUISING.
IT'S FIGHTING FOR ITS LIFE.
IT MAY SEEM PEACEFUL HERE ON EARTH ON A NICE, SUNNY DAY,
BUT IN FACT, ABOVE US AND ALL AROUND US,
THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE, A BATTLE IS RAGING,
AND IT HAS RAGED SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME.
TWO DEADLY FORCES GRAPPLE FOR CONTROL.
THE FIRST, EXPANSION, PULLS GALAXIES APART,
COOLING THE UNIVERSE AND THREATENING IT
WITH A FROZEN EXTINCTION.
THE SECOND, GRAVITY, TRIES TO CRUSH EVERYTHING BACK TOGETHER,
ANNIHILATING THE UNIVERSE IN A DENSE BALL OF FIRE.
WILL GRAVITY OR EXPANSION WIN?
OR WILL IT END IN A TIE?
THESE TWO COLOSSAL FORCES YIELD THREE ENDGAMES.
ONE IS THE BIG FREEZE.
EXPANSION WINS, AND THE UNIVERSE JUST EXPANDS FOREVER.
THE SECOND IS THAT THERE IS A DELICATE BALANCE
BETWEEN THE EXPANSION
AND THE AMOUNT OF GRAVITATIONAL ATTRACTION,
AND THE UNIVERSE GETS TO A PARTICULAR SIZE,
AND IT PRETTY MUCH STAYS THERE.
AND THE THIRD OUTCOME IS THAT
THE GRAVITATIONAL ATTRACTION WINS,
AND THE EXPANSION STOPS,
AND THE UNIVERSE BEGINS TO GET SMALLER
UNTIL, EVENTUALLY, IT GOES BACK TO A BIG CRUNCH.
SO FAR, THE UNIVERSE SEEMS BALANCED
ON A TIGHTROPE BETWEEN EXPANSION AND CONTRACTION.
BUT WILL IT KEEP ITS EQUILIBRIUM UNTIL IT RUNS OUT OF STEAM,
OR WILL SOMETHING TIP THE BALANCE?
I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANY BIGGER QUESTION THAN,
WHERE IS THE UNIVERSE GOING?
TO PREDICT THE FUTURE, COSMOLOGISTS HAVE ALWAYS LOOKED
TO THE PAST, BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF EXPANSION,
THE BEGINNING OF GRAVITY, THE BEGINNING OF EVERYTHING.
13.8 BILLION YEARS AGO, AN INFINITELY DENSE,
HOT SPECK IGNITES AND SUDDENLY EXPANDS OUTWARD --
THE BIG BANG.
ALL ENERGY, ALL SPACE, AND ALL MATTER THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF THE UNIVERSE WE SEE TODAY,
ARE CREATED AND SET IN MOTION.
THINK OF IT.
EVERYTHING YOU SEE AROUND US
CONCENTRATED INTO A PRIMORDIAL FIREBALL THAT EXPLODED,
SENDING ALL THE GALAXIES INTO MOTION.
THAT OUTWARD BLAST, THE BIRTH OF EXPANSION,
IS STILL GOING ON TODAY.
WITHOUT IT, WE WOULDN'T HAVE A UNIVERSE BIG ENOUGH
FOR STARS AND GALAXIES TO EXIST IN.
EXPANSION IS AN ASTONISHING FORCE OF NATURE.
IT WORKS BY INFLATING THE FABRIC OF SPACE-TIME.
SPACE BETWEEN GALAXIES EXPANDS,
AND IT PUSHES THE GALAXIES APART.
SPACE CARRIES OBJECTS WITH IT LIKE A SURFER ON A WAVE.
IT'S GOING ON IN EVERY PART OF SPACE.
EVEN INSIDE YOUR BODY RIGHT NOW,
THERE'S A PRESSURE FOR SPACE TO EXPAND.
EXPANSION GENERATED THE VAST, MOVING STAGE
ON WHICH TODAY'S UNIVERSE PLAYS OUT.
BUT LEFT UNCHECKED, IT COULD HAVE BEEN A FORCE
FOR UTTER ANNIHILATION.
IF THE UNIVERSE HAD BEEN EXPANDING MUCH FASTER,
IT WOULD HAVE EMPTIED OUT SO FAST,
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TIME TO MAKE GALAXIES,
PLANETS, PEOPLE.
THE FACT THAT WE'RE HERE
MEANS THAT SOMETHING MUST HAVE PUT ON THE BRAKES.
IT WAS, OF COURSE, OUR UNIVERSAL GLUE -
- GRAVITY.
GRAVITY AND MATTER GO HAND IN HAND.
THE MORE MASSIVE THE OBJECT,
THE MORE PULL IT EXERTS ON EVERYTHING AROUND IT.
IT DRAWS ATOM TO ATOM, PARTICLE TO PARTICLE BUILDING STARS, NEBULAS,
GALAXIES --
THE HARDWARE OF THE UNIVERSE WE SEE TODAY.
BUT GRAVITY IS A DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD.
TOO MUCH, AND THE EARLY UNIVERSE WOULD NEVER HAVE GOTTEN
OUT OF THE STARTING BLOCKS.
IF IT HAD BEEN EXPANDING MORE SLOWLY,
IT WOULD HAVE RE-COLLAPSED INTO ANOTHER SINGULARITY.
AND AGAIN, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE HAD THE TIME TO MAKE GALAXIES,
PLANETS, OR PEOPLE.
SO WE LIVE IN THE GOLDILOCKS UNIVERSE.
WE LIVE IN THE UNIVERSE THAT LASTS LONG ENOUGH
THAT WE CAN BE HERE, BUT EXPANDS GENTLY ENOUGH
THAT WE HAVE TIME TO FORM.
THE UNIVERSE HAS LASTED FOR 13.8 BILLION YEARS,
THANKS TO THE OPPOSING FORCES OF GRAVITY AND EXPANSION.
BUT JUST HOW STABLE IS THIS BALANCING ACT?
DOES OUR UNIVERSE HAVE JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF STUFF IN IT
TO KEEP IT FROM RUNAWAY EXPANSION
OR CATASTROPHIC COLLAPSE?
IN THE 1920s, SCIENTISTS DID THE MATH,
AND THE RESULTS WERE ANYTHING BUT REASSURING.
THE MORE MATTER YOU HAVE, THE MORE GRAVITY YOU HAVE.
IF YOU HAVE LOTS OF MATTER IN A VERY DENSE UNIVERSE,
PERHAPS THE UNIVERSE BEGINS TO RE-COLLAPSE.
OR, IF YOU HAVE VERY LITTLE MATTER,
THE UNIVERSE WOULD FREEZE TO DEATH.
SO WHAT IS THE CRITICAL DENSITY, THE BORDER BETWEEN THE TWO?
IT'S APPROXIMATELY FIVE HYDROGEN ATOMS PER CUBIC METER.
SO THINK OF A CUBIC YARD, AND PUT JUST FIVE HYDROGEN ATOMS
INSIDE, AND THAT IS THE TIPPING POINT.
IF YOU PUT MORE THAN FIVE ATOMS,
THEN THE UNIVERSE WILL BEGIN TO COLLAPSE.
IF YOU HAVE LESS THAN FIVE ATOMS,
THEN THE UNIVERSE JUST KEEPS ON GOING.
IF WE THOUGHT THE UNIVERSE WAS BALANCED
ON A TIGHTROPE BEFORE, THE CRITICAL DENSITY QUESTION
SHOWED US THAT THE ROPE WAS MORE LIKE A RAZOR BLADE.
YET, WHEN ASTRONOMERS TOOK ADDITIONAL MEASUREMENTS,
THEY LIKED WHAT THEY SAW.
THE UNIVERSE APPEARED TO CONTAIN JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT
OF MATTER TO STAY AT THE CRITICAL DENSITY.
MORE AND MORE, THE INDIRECT EVIDENCE
AND THE THEORETICAL ARGUMENTS SUGGESTED
THAT THE UNIVERSE MUST BE EXACTLY AT THE BOUNDARY
BETWEEN A UNIVERSE THAT WOULD COLLAPSE
AND ONE THAT WOULD EXPAND FOREVER,
THAT WE WERE TEETERING ON THE HAIRY EDGE OF EXPANSION.
THE UNIVERSE SEEMED SO PERFECTLY BALANCED
THAT IT WOULD HEAD QUIETLY INTO OLD AGE.
THEN, IN THE 1970s, ASTRONOMERS MADE AN OBSERVATION
THAT SHOCKED THEM.
THE COSMOS WAS FILLED WITH INVISIBLE STUFF,
AND ITS GRAVITY COULD CAUSE A CATASTROPHIC COLLAPSE.
THE UNIVERSE IS BALANCED ON A TIGHTROPE.
ON EACH SIDE OF THE DROP LIES AN EARLY DEATH --
A BIG FREEZE, FUELED BY THE RUNAWAY STRETCHING OF SPACE,
OR A BIG CRUNCH, THE RESULT OF GRAVITY OVERCOMING EXPANSION.
40 YEARS AGO, SCIENTISTS BELIEVED WE'D STAY BALANCED
BETWEEN THESE FATES FOR ETERNITY.
NOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED TREMENDOUSLY,
BECAUSE WE'VE DISCOVERED SOMETHING WE NEVER KNEW ABOUT 40 YEARS AGO.
IN THE 1970s, ASTRONOMERS ARE STUNNED.
SOME UNKNOWN FORM OF MATTER, INVISIBLE TO TELESCOPES,
DWARFS WHAT WE THOUGHT WAS OUT THERE,
NOT A FRACTION MORE, BUT FIVE TIMES MORE.
WE USED TO THINK THAT GRAVITY CAME FROM STARS
AND OBJECTS YOU CAN SEE -- END OF STORY.
NOW, WE REALIZE THAT THAT NAIVE PICTURE IS ACTUALLY WRONG.
ASTRONOMERS MAKE THE DISCOVERY,
STUDYING THE CLOCKWORK NATURE OF OUR UNIVERSE.
THE HUGE GRAVITY OF THE SUN HOLDS THE EARTH
AND ALL THE OTHER PLANETS IN A DELICATE CIRCULAR DANCE.
THE SUN'S MASS CONTROLS THE SPEED OF THESE ORBITS.
IF IT WERE MORE MASSIVE, THE PLANETS WOULD ORBIT
MUCH MORE QUICKLY.
AND IF IT WERE SMALLER, IT WOULD TAKE MUCH LONGER
FOR A PLANET TO COMPLETE AN ORBIT.
GALAXIES RUN LIKE CLOCKWORK, TOO.
THE VAST MASS AT THE CENTER PULLS THE OUTER STARS
INTO CIRCULAR, PLANET-LIKE ORBITS.
ASTRONOMERS MAKE PRECISE MEASUREMENTS
OF THESE GALACTIC ORBITS IN THE 1970s.
THE RESULTS CHANGE EVERYTHING.
THE GALAXIES WERE SPINNING TOO FAST.
WAY TOO FAST.
EVEN ACCOUNTING FOR THE SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HOLES
AT THEIR CENTER, NINE-TENTHS OF THEIR MASS WAS MISSING.
BY RIGHTS, THE GALAXY SHOULD FLY APART.
BY RIGHTS, THE EARTH SHOULD HAVE BEEN FLUNG
INTO INTERGALACTIC SPACE BILLIONS OF YEARS AGO.
WE SHOULD HAVE NO MILKY WAY GALAXY, AND YET,
OUR UNIVERSE IS FULL OF GALAXIES.
AN IMMENSE ADDITIONAL SOURCE OF GRAVITY
MUST BE HOLDING GALAXIES TOGETHER.
BUT NO MATTER WHERE ASTRONOMERS POINT THEIR TELESCOPES,
THEY SEE NOTHING.
NOT A GLIMMER, NOT A SHADOW.
WHATEVER THIS NEW STUFF IS, IT DOESN'T EMIT LIGHT,
REFLECT LIGHT, OR EVEN BLOCK LIGHT.
THEY CALL IT DARK MATTER.
WHAT WE'VE LEARNED IS THAT MOST OF THE MATTER IN THE UNIVERSE
IS NOT ORDINARY STUFF.
IT'S NOT ATOMS.
IT'S NOT PARTICLES WE'VE YET DETECTED IN ANY EXPERIMENT
DONE HERE ON EARTH.
IT'S SOME NEW KIND OF PARTICLE THAT WE CALL THE DARK MATTER.
DARK MATTER FILLS THE UNIVERSE,
OUTSTRIPPING NORMAL MATTER BY 5-TO-1.
VAST FILAMENTS SPREAD OUT THROUGHOUT THE COSMOS,
AND BRIGHT GALAXIES CLUSTER WHERE DARK MATTER IS THICKEST.
DARK MATTER PROVIDES THE SCAFFOLDING THAT UNDERLIES
HOW THE MATTER IN THE UNIVERSE STRUCTURES ITSELF,
WHERE IT GOES, AND WHAT IT DOES.
SO, DARK MATTER DICTATED
HOW THE UNIVERSE UNFOLDED.
IT SEEMS AS IF OUT OF THE HOT BIG BANG,
DARK MATTER CONDENSED FIRST, BEFORE ATOMS,
AND DARK MATTER BEGAN TO BECOME CLUMPY.
THE CLUMPINESS THEN BEGAN TO ATTRACT ATOMS
AS THEY WERE FORMED LATER, AND THAT FORMED GALAXIES.
AND IN SOME SENSE, THE DARK MATTER THEREFORE
PROVIDES KIND OF A WOMB THAT ALLOWS THE BIRTH OF OUR GALAXY.
DARK MATTER HOLDS THE UNIVERSE TOGETHER,
BUT IT ALSO THREATENS TO DESTROY IT.
ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING DISCOVERIES
OF THE PAST FEW DECADES IS DARK MATTER,
THE FACT THAT THERE'S MUCH MORE MATTER IN THE UNIVERSE
THAN WE WERE AWARE OF.
AND ALL OF THAT MATTER HAS A LOT OF GRAVITY.
SO ALL THIS NEW MATTER, ALL THIS NEW GRAVITY
MUST BE SLOWING DOWN THE EXPANSION OF THE UNIVERSE.
DARK MATTER MAY EVEN TIP THE COSMIC SCALES
IN FAVOR OF GRAVITY,
DEFEATING EXPANSION AND PULLING THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE
TOWARDS A DEATH BY FIRE.
IT'S CALLED THE BIG CRUNCH,
AND THIS IS HOW IT WOULD PLAY OUT.
FOR A FRACTION OF A SECOND, THE UNIVERSE STALLS,
POISED BETWEEN EXPANSION AND CONTRACTION.
THEN, GRAVITY KICKS OFF A CATACLYSM.
WHEN YOU LOOKED OUT, THE VERY FIRST THINGS
AS IT BEGAN TO TURN AROUND THAT YOU BEGAN TO SEE
IS THAT GALAXIES, INSTEAD OF MOVING AWAY FROM US ON AVERAGE,
WOULD BEGIN TO BE MOVING TOWARDS US ON AVERAGE.
THE WHOLE UNIVERSE WOULD LOOK LIKE IT WAS COMING TO GET US.
AS SPACE CONTRACTS FURTHER,
THE DENSITY OF MATTER INCREASES, GRAVITY GETS STRONGER,
TEMPERATURES SOAR AS THE CRUNCH GATHERS MOMENTUM.
GALAXIES BEGIN TO COLLIDE,
GAS CLOUDS BEGIN TO COLLIDE,
PLANETS SLAM INTO THE EARTH.
BLACK HOLES WILL EXECUTE A DEATH DANCE AROUND EACH OTHER.
TEMPERATURES, OF COURSE, WILL CONTINUE TO SKYROCKET.
MATTER, SPACE, AND TIME IMPLODE
UNTIL EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE IS COMPRESSED
INTO A TINY SPECK OF INFINITE MASS, HEAT, AND PRESSURE.
FOR THE LAST STAGES OF THE BIG CRUNCH,
GALAXIES WILL COLLIDE AND FORM A PRIMORDIAL ATOM.
AND THEN, LIFE AS WE KNOW IT WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE.
WE'RE BACK TO WHERE IT ALL BEGAN,
BACK AT THE BIG BANG.
THE UNIVERSE THAT WE LIVE IN WILL CEASE TO EXIST.
BUT SOME BELIEVE A BIG CRUNCH COULD HERALD A NEW BEGINNING.
WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE END POINT OF A BIG CRUNCH WOULD BE,
BECAUSE THE LAWS OF PHYSICS BREAK DOWN.
IT'S POSSIBLE, AND INDEED, PHILOSOPHICALLY VERY PLEASANT,
TO IMAGINE THAT THAT CRUNCH WOULD SOMEHOW END UP EVOLVING
INTO AN EXPANSION AGAIN, AND YOU COULD HAVE A CYCLIC UNIVERSE
WHICH GOES ON FOREVER.
PERHAPS AT THAT POINT, WE WILL RECREATE ANOTHER BIG BANG.
IT'S CONCEIVABLE THAT AS EVERYTHING COMES TOGETHER
IN THE CRUNCH, SOMETHING SORT OF KEEPS IT FROM JUST CONTINUING
AND PUSHES OUT IN A HOT, DENSE, SMOOTH STATE,
AND FROM THE OTHER SIDE, IT LOOKS LIKE A BIG BANG,
AND A NEW UNIVERSE HAS BEEN CREATED.
OUR BIG BANG MIGHT HAVE BEEN SOMEONE ELSE'S BIG CRUNCH.
BUT JUST WHEN SCIENTISTS CAME TO TERMS
WITH DARK MATTER'S BIG CRUNCH, THE UNIVERSE THREW THEM
ANOTHER, EVEN BIGGER CURVE.
SOME GHOSTLY FORCE SEEMED TO BE SENDING US HURTLING TOWARD
A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DEATH.
MY POSTDOCTORAL SCHOLAR SHOWED ME THE RESULTS.
I NEARLY FELL OFF MY CHAIR.
GRAVITY AND EXPANSION BATTLE FOR CONTROL
OF OUR UNIVERSE FOR 14 BILLION YEARS EXPANSION PUSHING IT OUTWARDS,
GRAVITY PULLING IT IN.
WITH DARK MATTER IN ITS CORNER,
GRAVITY SEEMS TO BE THE INEVITABLE WINNER.
THE EXTRA MASS WILL DRAG THE UNIVERSE INTO A BIG CRUNCH,
UNTIL A STUNNING DISCOVERY
REVOLUTIONIZES OUR UNDERSTANDING OF THE UNIVERSE.
AROUND 1990, TWO TEAMS OF RESEARCHERS DECIDED TO MEASURE
THE EXPANSION HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE
TO DETERMINE WHETHER IT'S BEEN SLOWING DOWN SO MUCH
THAT IT'LL EVENTUALLY HAVE A BIG CRUNCH,
OR WHETHER IT HASN'T BEEN SLOWING DOWN MUCH
AND WILL ETERNALLY EXPAND.
ASTRONOMER ALEX FILIPPENKO WAS ON ONE TEAM.
SAUL PERLMUTTER LED THE OTHER.
WE REALIZED THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR THE FIRST TIME
TO GO AND ACTUALLY MAKE A DIRECT MEASUREMENT
OF HOW MUCH THE UNIVERSE HAD BEEN SLOWING DOWN IN THE PAST.
BOTH TEAMS WANT TO MEASURE
THE SPEED OF DISTANT GALAXIES.
BUT BECAUSE THE GALAXIES ARE TOO DIM AND TOO FAR AWAY,
THEY LOOK FOR SOMETHING BRIGHTER.
BILLIONS OF LIGHT YEARS FROM EARTH, A STAR DETONATES.
THIS IS A SUPERNOVA,
A DYING STAR'S BRILLIANT FINAL GASP.
IT BURNS BRIGHTLY, 5 BILLION TIMES BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN,
BUT BRIEFLY.
PERLMUTTER AND FILIPPENKO HAVE A WINDOW
OF JUST ONE OR TWO WEEKS TO MEASURE
HOW MUCH THE GALAXY IT SITS IN IS SLOWING DOWN
AS IT MOVES AWAY FROM US.
THE TEAMS LOOK FOR SUPERNOVAS FOR EIGHT YEARS.
THEY MEASURE 42, AND THE RESULTS SEEM IMPOSSIBLE.
WE PLOTTED THE POINTS ON THE GRAPHS,
AND...
IT DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
THEY WERE NOT SLOWING DOWN AT ALL.
THEY WERE ACTUALLY SPEEDING UP.
WHAT BOTH GROUPS FOUND STUNNED THE WORLD.
IN THE LAST 4 OR 5 BILLION YEARS,
THE UNIVERSE HAS ACTUALLY BEEN SPEEDING UP IN ITS EXPANSION.
AN ACCELERATING UNIVERSE,
PROPELLED BY SOMETHING MYSTERIOUS.
FOR SO LONG, WE'VE BEEN ARGUING WHETHER THE UNIVERSE WOULD
EXPAND FOREVER OR COLLAPSE BACK IN ON ITSELF,
BUT NOBODY THOUGHT THE ANSWER WAS GOING TO BE
THAT THE UNIVERSE WAS ACCELERATING,
GOING FASTER AND FASTER ALL THE TIME.
THE ACCELERATION BEWILDERS THE SCIENTISTS.
IT SEEMS TO DEFY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS.
IMAGINE I'VE GOT A BASEBALL
AND I THROW IT STRAIGHT UP.
AND INSTEAD OF SLOWING DOWN ONCE IT LEAVES MY HAND,
WHICH IS WHAT NORMALLY IT WILL DO,
IT BEGINS TO SLOW DOWN AT FIRST,
BUT THEN IT STARTS SPEEDING AWAY.
SOMEHOW, IT'S GETTING ENERGY.
THE NEW ENERGY SEEMED TO BE COMING FROM NOTHING,
THE VACUUM OF SPACE.
THE WORD "VACUUM" TO A SCIENTIST MEANS COMPLETELY EMPTY SPACE,
NO PARTICLES THERE AT ALL, NO TEMPERATURE,
NO ENERGY TO SPEAK OF.
BUT THERE'S AN INTRINSIC ENERGY IN SPACE AND TIME.
EMPTY SPACE HAS ENERGY, AND THAT ENERGY PRODUCES
A GRAVITATIONAL REPULSION, A KIND OF ANTI-GRAVITY.
WITHOUT A CLUE WHAT THIS FORCE IS OR HOW IT WORKS,
ALL SCIENTISTS CAN DO IS GIVE IT A NAME -
- DARK ENERGY.
WE COULD HAVE CALLED IT WE-DON'T-KNOW ENERGY.
WE COULD HAVE CALLED IT ANYTHING.
BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND DARK OR NOT,
IT'S THE BIGGEST MYSTERY IN PHYSICS.
NASA CALIBRATES ITS FINEST SPACE TELESCOPES
TO MEASURE HOW MUCH DARK ENERGY IS OUT THERE,
AND THE RESULT IS MIND-BLOWING.
IT DOMINATES THE MASS OF THE UNIVERSE BY NEARLY 3-TO-1.
AND THE MORE SPACE EXPANDS,
THE MORE DARK ENERGY THERE SEEMS TO BE.
DARK ENERGY IS THE ENERGY OF NOTHING,
AND IT'S REPULSIVE.
THEREFORE, AS THIS DARK ENERGY REPELS GALAXIES,
THERE'S MORE OF IT, THERE'S MORE VACUUM.
AND SO THERE'S MORE REPULSION,
AND PERHAPS THAT'S THE REASON WHY THE UNIVERSE IS ACCELERATING
RIGHT NOW RATHER THAN SLOWING DOWN.
DARK ENERGY SEEMS TO KILL THE BIG CRUNCH THEORY,
BUT SCIENTISTS AREN'T YET SURE HOW DARK ENERGY,
EXPANSION, AND SPACE ARE CONNECTED.
IF A VOLUME OF SPACE DOUBLES IN SIZE,
DOES THE DARK ENERGY INSIDE IT DOUBLE, TOO?
OR DOES IT INCREASE MORE?
A 1-TO-1 RELATIONSHIP LEADS TO A STEADY EXPANSION.
THE UNIVERSE ENDS IN A BIG FREEZE.
BUT IF DARK ENERGY INCREASES ABOVE AND BEYOND EXPANSION,
A NEW, EVEN MORE TERRIFYING END AWAITS THE UNIVERSE -
- A BIG RIP.
IN A BIG RIP SCENARIO, THE EXPANSION IS SO GREAT
THAT EVEN THE GALAXIES BEGIN TO EXPAND INTERNALLY,
WHICH MEANS THAT LITERALLY
OUR BODIES ARE GOING TO BE RIPPED APART.
SCIENTISTS CALCULATE
JUST HOW THE BIG RIP WILL PLAY OUT.
ONE BY ONE, THE GALAXIES IN THE NIGHT SKY WILL BLINK OUT
AS SPACE PULLS THEM AWAY FROM THE EARTH
FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT.
60 MILLION YEARS BEFORE THE END, DARK ENERGY OVERCOMES GRAVITY
ON SMALLER AND SMALLER SCALES.
FIRST GALAXIES START TO RIP APART,
THEN INSIDES OF GALAXIES WILL BEGIN TO RIP APART,
AND THEN SOLAR SYSTEMS WILL BEGIN TO RIP APART...
THEN PLANETS...
AND THEN ROCKS, PEOPLE, ATOMS.
THE END WILL BE MERCIFULLY QUICK.
IN THE SPACE OF A FEW MINUTES,
ALL THE STARS AND PLANETS IN THE UNIVERSE WILL BE DESTROYED,
THEIR REMAINS PULLED APART INTO EVER-SMALLER PIECES
UNTIL FINALLY, WHEN THE UNIVERSE HAS
LESS THAN A SECOND TO LIVE,
THE SUBATOMIC PARTICLES THAT MADE ALL MATTER
WILL BE DESTROYED,
AND ALL THAT REMAINS WILL BE INDIVIDUAL PHOTONS
BECOMING SCARCER AND SCARCER
AS THE SPACE BETWEEN THEM EXPANDS.
ALL YOU'RE LEFT WITH IS VERY LOW ENERGY LIGHT
THAT GETS STRETCHED AND STRETCHED
UNTIL IT MIGHT AS WELL NOT EXIST AT ALL.
THE LAST THING TO GO --
THE EMPTY VACUUM OF SPACE ITSELF.
IT'LL BE PULLING ON THE UNIVERSE SO HARD,
IT COULD TEAR THE FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE APART.
REALITY COULD DISSOLVE.
WILL THE UNIVERSE END WITH A BIG RIP,
OR A BIG FREEZE?
THE ANSWER IS LOCKED INSIDE THE MYSTERY OF DARK ENERGY.
SOLVE THAT, AND THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE BECOMES CLEAR.
THE END OF THE UNIVERSE IS COMING.
BUT HOW WILL IT PLAY OUT?
FOR A TIME, A BIG CRUNCH WAS THE LIKELY ANSWER.
DARK MATTER, THE INVISIBLE BULK OF THE UNIVERSE,
CAUSES SPACE TO FALL IN ON ITSELF.
GALAXIES COLLIDE.
PLANET MERGES WITH PLANET.
EVERYTHING BECOMES HOTTER AND HOTTER, DENSER AND DENSER.
THE UNIVERSE IS LIKE ONE GIANT STAR.
DARK ENERGY KILLS THE BIG CRUNCH THEORY.
IT ACTS LIKE ROCKET FUEL FOR THE EXPANSION OF SPACE
BETWEEN GALAXIES.
THEY'RE NOT JUST COASTING.
THEY'RE GETTING PUSHED OUTWARD.
ONLY TWO POSSIBLE FATES REMAIN --
A BIG RIP OR A BIG FREEZE.
BOTH SCENARIOS RELY ON DARK ENERGY.
FOR THE UNIVERSE TO BE TORN TO SHREDS IN A BIG RIP,
DARK ENERGY MUST INCREASE EXPONENTIALLY IN THE FUTURE.
BUT A BIG FREEZE REQUIRES A STEADY INCREASE
IN DARK ENERGY,
PUSHING GALAXIES AWAY FROM EACH OTHER.
WE CAN'T WRITE THE LAST CHAPTER OF OUR UNIVERSE
UNTIL WE UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF DARK ENERGY.
MAY 2009.
THE EUROPEAN SPACE AGENCY LAUNCHES THE PLANCK SATELLITE
TO SEARCH FOR THE BIRTH OF DARK ENERGY.
ITS ULTRA-SENSITIVE TELESCOPE PEERS THROUGH SPACE AND TIME
BACK THROUGH BILLIONS OF YEARS,
TOWARDS THE BEGINNING OF EVERYTHING, TO CAPTURE THIS.
THIS IS OUR UNIVERSE AS IT APPEARED
OVER 13 BILLION YEARS AGO, 380,000 YEARS AFTER THE BIG BANG.
SO WHAT PLANCK HAS DONE IS TAKE A PICTURE
OF THE EARLY UNIVERSE
AND TOLD US ABOUT WHAT THE EARLY UNIVERSE IS LIKE
AND GIVEN US OUR MOST DETAILED AND ACCURATE PICTURE
OF THAT MOMENT IN TIME.
THE UNIVERSE IN THIS PICTURE
IS A HOT SOUP OF PROTONS, ELECTRONS, AND PHOTONS.
HYDROGEN ATOMS HAVE JUST STARTED TO FORM,
AND IT'S THE LIGHT FROM THIS GENESIS OF MATTER
THAT WE SEE HERE.
BLUE AREAS ARE COLDER.
REDS ARE WARM.
EVENTUALLY, THOSE HOT SPOTS,
THOSE RED SPOTS YOU SEE IN THE MAP,
ARE GOING TO FORM LARGE SUPERCLUSTERS
MADE UP OF HUNDREDS OR THOUSANDS OF GALAXIES.
EACH ONE OF THOSE GALAXIES WILL CONTAIN BILLIONS OF STARS.
GRAVITY AND EXPANSION ALONE
APPEAR TO DRIVE THE FORMATION OF THESE EMBRYONIC GALAXIES.
DARK ENERGY DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE SWITCHED ON YET.
SO, WHEN DID DARK ENERGY TAKE CONTROL OF THE UNIVERSE?
ASTRONOMER BRENDA FRYE IS PART OF A TEAM
USING MASSIVE GROUND-BASED TELESCOPES
LIKE THIS ONE AT KITT PEAK, ARIZONA.
SHE PEERS BACK IN TIME TO CAPTURE THE UNIVERSE
THROUGH ITS CHILDHOOD AS IT WAS GROWING.
RIGHT.
SO THIS IS AN ALUMINUM PLATE,
AND INTO THIS PLATE ARE DRILLED 640 INDIVIDUAL HOLES.
EACH ONE IS PUT AT A VERY SPECIFIC PLACE ON THE MASK
WHICH WILL CORRESPOND TO ONE PARTICULAR GALAXY IN THE SKY.
DURING EACH OBSERVATION,
THE LIGHT FROM 640 INDIVIDUAL GALAXIES IS COLLECTED
USING FIBER OPTIC CABLES.
THE SPEED AND RELATIVE POSITION OF EACH GALAXY IS MEASURED
TO PINPOINT EXACTLY WHERE IT IS IN SPACE.
SO FAR, THE TEAM HAS ACCURATELY MAPPED
AROUND A MILLION GALAXIES IN 3D,
AND THIS IS WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE.
EACH ONE OF THESE FUZZY PATCHES
IS A FULLY GROWN GALAXY
CONTAINING AROUND 200 BILLION STARS.
THIS IS A VERY BASIC MEASUREMENT,
AND WE THINK THAT THIS WILL BE ABLE TO HELP US
TO GET A GRASP INTO THE NATURE OF DARK ENERGY.
SCIENTISTS COMPARE THIS ADOLESCENT UNIVERSE
TO ITS BABY PICTURES.
IT SHOWS DARK ENERGY EMERGING
WHEN THE UNIVERSE IS HALF AS OLD AS IT IS TODAY.
ABOUT 8 BILLION YEARS AFTER THE BIG BANG,
THIS EXPANSION OF THE UNIVERSE BEGINS TO ACCELERATE,
AND WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS ACCELERATION.
THE DATA ALSO SHOWS THAT AS SPACE EXPANDS,
DARK ENERGY INCREASES IN LOCKSTEP WITH IT.
IF YOU HAD A BOX AND YOU PUT SOME DARK ENERGY IN IT,
AND THEN YOU WENT AND YOU WEIGHED THAT BOX...
NOW YOU TAKE THE BOX, YOU MAKE IT TWICE AS BIG.
YOU DON'T OPEN IT.
YOU DON'T PUT ANYTHING IN IT.
YOU WEIGH IT AGAIN, IT'S GONNA WEIGH TWICE AS MUCH.
THIS REMARKABLE OBSERVATION MEANS
THAT WE SHOULD BE SAFE FROM A BIG RIP.
DARK ENERGY WILL CONTINUE TO INCREASE GRADUALLY.
THE UNIVERSE IS HEADING FOR A BIG FREEZE,
AND SCIENTISTS CAN FINALLY CALCULATE A TIMELINE
FOR THE END OF EVERYTHING.
IT NOW SEEMS THAT WE LIVE
IN AN ALMOST PERFECT UNIVERSE,
WITH JUST ENOUGH GRAVITY TO HOLD THE GALAXIES TOGETHER
AND JUST ENOUGH DARK ENERGY THAT IT WILL EXPAND FOREVER
WITHOUT RIPPING ITSELF TO SHREDS.
COSMOLOGISTS CAN FINALLY ENVISION THE END OF IT ALL.
30 YEARS AGO, IT WAS DEBATABLE.
BUT NOW, IT APPEARS THAT THE UNIVERSE MOST LIKELY
WILL SUFFER A DEEP FREEZE.
IF YOU LOOK AT THE DATA, IT STARES OUT AT YOU.
IN A BIG FREEZE,
DARK ENERGY PUSHES GALAXIES FURTHER AND FURTHER APART,
BUT THEY REMAIN INTACT.
THE STARS INSIDE THEM FADE AWAY.
EVERY STAR YOU SEE IN THE SKY, INCLUDING OUR SUN,
IS BURNING THROUGH ITS NUCLEAR FUEL.
THE GAS WILL RUN OUT, STARS WILL STOP BEING MADE,
AND THE ONES THAT EXIST ARE IT.
THOSE ARE THE LAST ONES.
A HUNDRED TRILLION YEARS FROM NOW,
THE BIGGEST STARS WILL BE THE FIRST TO GO EXTINCT.
BIG STARS BURN BRIGHT AND DIE HARD.
THE STAR'S CORE COLLAPSES,
UNLEASHING A SUPERNOVA.
THEN GRAVITY CRUSHES THE DEAD STAR DOWN
TO A SINGLE DENSE SPOT.
THE BRIGHT STAR IS NOW A BLACK HOLE.
SUN-LIKE STARS GO NEXT.
AS THEIR SUPPLY OF HYDROGEN RUNS OUT,
THEY SWELL TO A BLOATED FIREBALL
OVER 200 TIMES THEIR CURRENT SIZE.
AND WHEN THE CORE HAS NO MORE HYDROGEN,
IT'S GOING TO BLOAT UP INTO A RED GIANT STAR.
NOW, RED GIANT STARS ARE SO BIG, THEY WILL ACTUALLY
EAT UP THEIR OWN PLANETS.
WE KNOW OF EXAMPLES OF RED GIANTS
THAT GO ALL THE WAY OUT TO WHERE THE ORBIT OF JUPITER IS
IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM.
ITS FUEL EXHAUSTED,
THE SUN-LIKE STAR GIVES IN TO GRAVITY
AND SHRINKS TO A WHITE DWARF,
A DENSE BALL OF MATTER
JUST A FEW THOUSAND MILES IN DIAMETER.
IT WILL GLOW WITH HEAT FOR A FURTHER 10 BILLION YEARS
BEFORE COOLING TO A BLACK DWARF,
A BALL OF COMPRESSED CARBON, PERHAPS EVEN DIAMOND.
AS THE BIGGEST STARS DIE,
THE UNIVERSE WILL SLOWLY TURN RED.
THE BLUE STARS WILL BLOW UP,
AND THEN THE SLIGHTLY LESS BLUE STARS WILL BLOW UP,
AND THEN STARS LIKE THE SUN WILL FADE AWAY AND DIE,
LEAVING JUST THE RED STARS TO EXIST.
RED STARS ARE THE SMALLEST
AND COOLEST IN THE UNIVERSE.
THEY BURN THEIR FUEL SLOWLY.
BUT, AFTER ANOTHER 10 TRILLION YEARS,
EVEN THESE SMALLEST OF DWARF STARS
WILL USE UP THEIR FUEL.
STARS AS WE KNOW THEM WILL CEASE TO BURN ENERGY,
AND THE NIGHT SKY WILL TURN BLACK.
BLACK HOLES, THE CORPSES OF DEAD STARS,
AND COLD CLOUDS OF GAS AND DUST ARE ALL THAT REMAINS.
THE AGE OF STARS IS OVER.
THE AGE OF BLACK HOLES BEGINS.
BLACK HOLES BECOME THE FUNDAMENTAL BUILDING BLOCK
OF THE UNIVERSE.
A GALAXY WILL BASICALLY BE A SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HOLE
IN THE CENTER, WITH SMALLER BLACK HOLES ORBITING IT.
IN SOME WAYS, IT'S KIND OF A GHOST UNIVERSE.
IT'S THE CORPSES, THE ZOMBIE STARS,
THAT WILL TAKE US INTO THE FUTURE.
ZOMBIE GALAXIES FILLED WITH BLACK HOLES
CONTINUE TO EVOLVE.
THEY SWEEP UP THE DEAD REMAINS OF STARS.
BLACK HOLE MERGES WITH BLACK HOLE.
THEY'LL EAT EACH OTHER AND THEY'LL GET BIGGER,
AND MAYBE THEY'LL FALL INTO THE SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HOLE
AND IT'LL GET BIGGER.
THE UNIVERSE WILL STILL BE AN EXCITING, DYNAMIC PLACE,
IT'S JUST THAT THE TIME SCALES YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
ARE NOW TRILLIONS OF YEARS
INSTEAD OF THOUSANDS OR MILLIONS OF YEARS.
ANY MATERIAL THAT EVADES THE PULL OF A BLACK HOLE
EVENTUALLY DIES AWAY AS ITS PROTONS DISINTEGRATE.
A PROTON, ONE OF THE FUNDAMENTAL BUILDING BLOCKS
OF ATOMIC MATTER, OF WHAT MAKES US UP,
CAN JUST SPONTANEOUSLY FALL APART,
AND IT TURNS OUT THIS TAKES A TREMENDOUSLY LONG TIME.
BUT EVEN THAT WILL GO AWAY.
ALL THAT WILL BE LEFT IS A SEA OF BLACK HOLES.
SCIENTISTS USED TO THINK BLACK HOLES WERE IMMORTAL,
BUT EVEN THESE WILL ONE DAY DIE.
NOW WE'RE TALKING ABOUT TIME SCALES
OF UNIMAGINABLE LENGTH --
QUADRILLIONS OF YEARS INTO THE FUTURE.
BUT ON THAT TIME SCALE,
EVEN THE BLACK HOLES BEGIN TO EVAPORATE.
THEY'LL GET SMALLER AND SMALLER AND SMALLER,
AND THEN, POOF, THEY'LL BE GONE.
THE UNIVERSE WILL END
WHEN THE LAST REMAINING BLACK HOLE DIES.
AS IT GETS SMALLER, THE EVAPORATION RATE
INCREASES EXPONENTIALLY.
BEFORE LONG, IT REACHES A SIZE
A BILLIONTH OF A TRILLIONTH OF A TRILLIONTH OF AN INCH.
AT THAT INSTANT, THE LAWS OF PHYSICS BREAK DOWN,
AND THE LAST BLACK HOLE EXPLODES IN A FLASH OF GAMMA RAYS,
LEAVING NOTHING.
AND IT WILL DIE IN A SUDDEN BURST OF LIGHT,
THE LAST BURST OF LIGHT
IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE.
THE BIG FREEZE IS COMING.
THE UNIVERSE WILL SUFFER A COLD, SLOW, DARK DEATH
WHICH WILL PLAY OUT
OVER TRILLIONS UPON TRILLIONS OF YEARS.
BUT QUANTUM PHYSICS LEAVES THE DOOR OPEN
FOR AN ALTERNATIVE END,
AN EVENT SO POWERFUL, SO DESTRUCTIVE,
THAT IT COULD DESTROY EVERYTHING WE SEE IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE.
AND IT COULD HAPPEN TOMORROW.
THE END OF THE UNIVERSE --
IT'S COMING.
DARK ENERGY ACCELERATES THE SPACE BETWEEN GALAXIES,
PUSHING EVERYTHING WE SEE TO A LONG, COLD,
AND VERY SLOW DEATH.
UNLESS, THAT IS, SOMETHING BIZARRE HAPPENS FIRST.
A MONSTER CALLED PHASE TRANSITION
IS LURKING IN THE SHADOWS,
AND IT COULD ANNIHILATE THE FABRIC OF SPACE AND TIME
AT ANY MOMENT.
WHEN WE COOL DOWN WATER, IT TURNS INTO ICE.
THE PROPERTIES CHANGE.
IF YOU LIVED IN THE WATER, WHEN IT CHANGED TO ICE,
YOUR WORLD WOULD BE VERY DIFFERENT.
WATER PHASE CHANGES INTO ICE WHEN IT LOSES ENERGY.
I ONCE LEFT A WATER BOTTLE IN MY CAR OVERNIGHT.
IT WAS STILL LIQUID, BUT THE MOMENT I TOUCHED IT,
THE SLIGHT IMPERFECTION,
THE LITTLE BIT OF ICE THAT IT FORMED, SPREAD,
POOF, AND FILLED UP THE WHOLE BOTTLE.
THAT RAPID CHANGE TO SOMETHING NEW
IS CALLED A PHASE TRANSITION,
AND BIZARRELY, THE SAME THING COULD HAPPEN TO EMPTY SPACE.
WE'VE REALLY COME TO UNDERSTAND
THAT WE SHOULDN'T TAKE FOR GRANTED THAT...
VACUUM,
WHAT WE CALL NOTHING, IS ACTUALLY STABLE.
IT COULD BE THAT THE ENERGY STORED IN EMPTY SPACE
IS JUST WAITING TO BE RELEASED IN A PHASE TRANSITION.
IF IT IS, THE LAWS OF PHYSICS WILL CHANGE.
A SPONTANEOUS GLITCH IN THE FABRIC OF SPACE-TIME
COULD TRIGGER A PHASE TRANSITION OF SPACE,
A TINY BUBBLE OF NEW UNIVERSE THAT SPREADS OUT,
OVERWRITING THE OLD.
WE KNOW IT CAN HAPPEN, BECAUSE IT'S HAPPENED BEFORE.
AT THE MOMENT OF THE BIG BANG,
THE UNIVERSE THAT'S FIRST CREATED
IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TO THE ONE WE SEE TODAY.
HOT AND WITHOUT FORM,
THERE'S NO MATTER, NO TIME.
THE LAWS OF PHYSICS ARE DIFFERENT.
SUDDENLY, LESS THAN A TRILLIONTH OF A SECOND LATER,
A GLITCH TRIGGERS A PHASE TRANSITION.
A TINY BUBBLE OF THE UNIVERSE WE LIVE IN TODAY FORMS,
AND IT RACES OUTWARD,
DESTROYING EVERYTHING IT TOUCHES
LIKE ICE SPREADING THROUGH WATER.
THE ENERGY THAT SPILLS OUT CREATES THE SPACE AND TIME
THAT WE EXIST IN,
THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF MATTER AND THE FORCES THAT GOVERN THEM.
ALL THAT ENERGY WAS RELEASED, PRODUCING ALL THE MATTER
AND RADIATION WE OBSERVE IN THE UNIVERSE TODAY.
THE OLD UNIVERSE GIVES UP ITS ENERGY
TO CREATE THE NEW.
BUT IT HOLDS SOME BACK.
THE VACUUM OF SPACE STILL HAS ENERGY BOUND TO IT.
PERHAPS THIS IS THE DARK ENERGY WE SEE TODAY.
PHYSICISTS BELIEVE THAT SOMEDAY IN THE FUTURE,
A BRAND NEW GLITCH IN THE FABRIC OF SPACE-TIME
MAY TRIGGER ANOTHER PHASE TRANSITION,
ONE THAT WIPES US AND EVERYTHING WE SEE
OUT OF EXISTENCE.
THIS IS A WAY TO DESTROY AN ENTIRE UNIVERSE,
BECAUSE WITHIN YOUR UNIVERSE
ARE THE SEEDS OF ITS OWN DESTRUCTION.
IT WOULD SPREAD OUT AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT IN A DEATH BUBBLE,
RUINING ALL THE GALAXIES AS IT PASSES THROUGH,
AND ULTIMATELY COMPLETELY DESTROYING OUR UNIVERSE.
NOTHING CAN SURVIVE THE EXPANDING PHASE TRANSITION.
PLANETS, NEBULAS, GALAXIES -- ALL ARE RIPPED APART
AS THE BOUNDARY OF THE BUBBLE REACHES THEM.
INSIDE THIS BUBBLE, PROTONS ARE UNSTABLE,
ATOMS BEGIN TO REARRANGE IN A NEW FORM OF MATTER.
AS THESE BUBBLES BEGIN TO EXPAND,
A NEW UNIVERSE IS BEING BORN
IN THE CORPSE OF THE OLD UNIVERSE,
AND THE BEGINNING OF A NEW LAW OF PHYSICS.
AND SO, THE EXPANDING UNIVERSE WE NOW SEE
MAY END IN A PHASE TRANSITION, BUT WE WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT US,
'CAUSE THE LAWS OF PHYSICS WILL CHANGE,
AND WE WILL ESSENTIALLY MOST LIKELY DISAPPEAR
AT THE INSTANT IT HAPPENS.
THIS BUBBLE WILL EXPAND AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT,
AND AS THE BUBBLE PASSES YOU,
ALL THE ATOMS OF YOUR BODY REARRANGE THEMSELVES,
AND YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW IT.
YOU WOULD HAVE NO WARNING, BECAUSE THE BUBBLE ITSELF
IS EXPANDING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT.
YOU CAN'T PREDICT PRECISELY WHEN IT COULD HAPPEN.
YOU ONLY HAVE A PROBABILITY.
SO WHAT YOU REALLY ARE PREDICTING IS A RATE.
DOES IT HAPPEN ONCE A YEAR?
ONCE EVERY 10 BILLION YEARS?
ONCE EVERY GOOGOL YEARS?
OR WHATEVER.
IT'S VERY POSSIBLE THAT THESE BUBBLES GET NUCLEATED
AND GROW ABOUT ONCE EVERY 10 OR 20 BILLION YEARS.
SO IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET BECAUSE WE GOT LUCKY.
IT'S UNLIKELY IT WOULD HAPPEN THE NEXT YEAR OR THE NEXT DAY,
BUT THE LAWS OF PHYSICS ABSOLUTELY ALLOW IT.
A PHASE CHANGE MAY HAPPEN, OR IT MAY NOT.
THE UNIVERSE PLAYS ITS CARDS CLOSE TO ITS CHEST.
AND, LIKE DARK ENERGY AND DARK MATTER,
THERE MAY BE MORE SURPRISES TO COME SURPRISES THAT WILL ONLY ADD TO THE MYSTERY AND WONDER
OUR UNIVERSE HOLDS FOR US.
WHATEVER THE UNIVERSE IS UP TO,
WE STILL DON'T KNOW ENOUGH.
WE'RE IN AN AGE OF DISCOVERY RIGHT NOW.
PERHAPS THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE OUT THERE
THAT WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT.
SO, I'M NOT GOING TO DRAW ANY CONCLUSIONS
UNTIL THINGS ARE CONCLUSIVE.
WE DON'T UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF DARK ENERGY.
AND WITHOUT THAT UNDERSTANDING, VIRTUALLY ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
THE FUTURE IS STILL UNCERTAIN,
AND THAT MEANS THERE'S STILL A MYSTERY.
AND FOR ME, THAT'S THE MOST EXCITING POSSIBILITY OF ALL.

This makeup doesn't really work.
It's really quite beautiful.
You have to turn your game up at this point.
Previously, on Face Off...
Tyler's wall-crawling mutant brought him an astounding fourth victory.
Oh, my God.
And Graham was sent home.
With only five artists remaining, tonight, they face a challenge of bionic extremes.
It's the future that brings us here today.
This is right up my alley.
And the competition explodes with a dramatic fight to the finish.
- It's gonna come apart.
- Fuck.
I'm really worried, because if I don't have this,
I'm not gonna have anything.
I'm looking around, everybody seems to be going larger.
This challenge is so far out of my league.
- You have blown me away.
- I'm not really a big fan.
This is the best thing that you have showed us.
In the end, only one will win a VIP trip from Kryolan Professional Make-Up to one of their 85 international locations, a brand new 2014 Fiat 500, and $100,000.
Who'll be the next great name in movie magic?
All: 
Face Off!
Welcome to Face Off.
- Five of us, man.
- Final five. [Laughs]
You can almost taste the final.
[Laughter]
We're that much closer to the finale, and everyone remaining has wins, and I don't.
So I just need to get into that zone and focus on the goal.
All right, guys, let's see what our next challenge is.
Everybody's on their A game, so I can't make anymore mistakes because that'll be my ticket home.
Where are we today?
- Union Station.
- Oh, nice.
Whoa.
Oh, this is big.
We are at Union Station, and it's just beautiful.
I can smell the old furniture and the wood.
It's like history.
I'm smelling history here.
- Hey, guys.
- [All greeting]
Welcome to Union Station in downtown Los Angeles, known as the last of the great railway stations.
This historic transportation hub continues to serve over 60,000 passengers a day.
- Mm.
- It's also been a popular filming location for movies like Drag Me To Hell,
The Dark Knight Rises, and the futuristic sci-fi thriller, Blade Runner.
[All murmuring]
And it is the future that brings us here today.
- Nice.
- Okay.
This is the old ticketing room, and once upon a time, it was the station's bustling nerve center, but its ticketing agents have since been replaced with machines.
Now, with the onslaught of machines handling tasks that were once exclusively done by humans, one can't help but wonder, how long until we're all replaced?
Now, next to me are props representing various occupations.
We have a surgeon, photographer, hairdresser, firefighter, chef, and construction worker.
You're spotlight challenge is to select one of them and create the robot that has taken that professional's place
- in the workforce.
- Nice.
Awesome.
We get to do futuristic robots.
This is right up my alley.
Tyler, you're up first.
Surgeon.
Photographer.
Firefighter.
The construction worker.
Hairdresser.
[Laughter]
Before you begin your designs, there's just one more thing
I need to tell you.
Each of your robots must display an extreme functional advantage over their human counterparts.
I'm slightly terrified, because I know a robot that has multiple functions is gonna be a lot of work, and this is not my thing.
It's time to start working on your designs, and I want to remind you, do not go for the obvious.
Make bold choices that will surprise and impress our judges.
Good luck.
All: 
- Thank you.
- See you later.
I have firefighter.
It's actually something I thought about being for a long time.
I want this character to be very big and be able to save the day.
I also want to incorporate the eagle on the helmet.
There's no truck, because this robot can put out a fire by himself.
I'll be taking a chance on doing a lot of fabrication and hardly any makeup.
I plan on making the head a camera, fabricated chest, which is gonna be a huge light on the front because it needs to shine light on whatever subject that the camera's gonna be taking a picture of.
You need a lot of time to fabricate a robot, and I'm not a big fabricator, so I'm gonna sculpt everything.
I want to make my hairdresser robot very cool and elegant and something pleasant to the eye.
So the concept for my hairdresser is a female robot.
She's gonna be stylish and modern looking and hip.
The special feature that my robot is gonna have is two blowers coming out of her breasts, and her hands are gonna have different fingers with the scissors and the nose clipper.
Each hand will have utility.
All right, guys, let's head back to the lab.
- This is gonna be fun.
- Oh, yeah.
It's day one of our robot challenge.
We get six hours in the lab.
We have an extra day for this challenge.
That means I get more time to work with the fabrication, which tends to take a little extra time anyway, but the first thing I do is sculpt the face.
I decided to cover one eye with wires, put two lenses in the forehead and one over the nose so it looks like it has three eyes that can rotate and see different things.
Holy fuck, man.
What the fuck is that?
Nice.
My robot can see the structure of a building as well as things that might be harmful to people.
That way, he could replace a human.
I've worked in a hospital setting before, so the surgeon one kind of screamed to me.
This surgical robot has these little arms that come out on both sides, and I want it to have a human-looking face.
So I vacuformed my model's life cast to create a face shield.
So when it talks to people, they're not looking at a creepy-looking machine.
I selected a construction worker, and I know that I have to do something big.
This robot is from the future, but it's the first generation of this kind of machine, but he can still do the work.
I want it to have all the cables and everything coming on the face, and then everything else is just gonna be fabricated around it.
I immediately get to work building a face for my futuristic photographer robot.
I'm basically sculpting with wood instead of clay, and I'll be using a router and a dremel and a hand saw and everything else to make this face look like a camera.
I've been a carpenter since I've been 16.
I'm used to working with wood, but I've never actually used wood to do a makeup or make a robot.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
- Here for a walkthrough.
- How are you?
You left this lower jaw open, and so it's gonna look like a human who's wearing it.
- Mm-hmm.
- You're gonna have to keep adding pieces to cover anything that is skin.
Mm-hmm.
This is gonna be the face here.
- Okay.
- Is it gonna be all basically gadgets?
Or are you working any type of makeup in there with it?
I was playing with the idea of a silicone face that goes over my model.
If you do that, I would make sure you kind of square things off a bit as opposed to making it flow like a human in there or something.
Right, right.
How are you gonna incorporate the aspects of hairdressing?
Her boobies are gonna be like hairdryers, and they suck also the hairs that fall from the person.
- It goes... [Inhales sharply] 
- Okay.
Sucks it in and throws it out in the back.
You know, the thing is, I don't know if this is going to sell as a hairdryer.
You might rethink that design a little bit.
Might be able to combine this all into one or something so it comes down...
Like a blow dryer or something...
And actually maybe take a piece of plastic, and then mount it in there so you know that's a dryer.
You need to do something to...
And it's similar to a dryer of our time, exactly.
Exactly.
Are you planning on covering it all with this type of wiring?
No, the wire is gonna be in this bottom part and around the eyes.
To me, it looks like a face that you put worms over the top of it in these areas here.
I think you need to be a little bit more powerful in your bridge across here and in your nose.
What you want to do is make planes as opposed to rounding off.
Otherwise, I'm afraid it's gonna look like a person.
What you can do to maybe get away from this human look with the eyes and the mouth is do a lower lip in a separate piece, just so you get a whole mechanical mouth, or that's gonna look like a person.
Okay.
All right, gentlemen, we're heading out.
- Good luck to everybody.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
All: 
- Bye.
I take Mr. Westmore's advice by taking away human form.
I distort the face.
I make it look very mechanical.
And I'm back on track.
Now it's time to mold.
I always try to get the face first because that's the most important element in a makeup.
At this point, everyone is in the mold room, but I'm gonna spend more time working on the changes that Mr. Westmore told me to do.
But after I finish, I only have a less than an hour, and I still have to mold it.
I'm molding as fast as I can, but I don't think
I'm gonna be able to open and clean this by the end of the day.
Since we have an extra day, I think it will be worth it to just open it tomorrow.
All right, everyone.
That's time.
My sculpture is ready for opening tomorrow.
I feel pretty good with my face, and I'm excited to start working on the other pieces.
Whoo!
Ah!
It's day two.
We have nine hours in the lab today.
The first thing I need to do is check the silicone to make sure it set up so I can pull the wood out of that and then pour resin into it for the face on the robotic camera.
But right now, I need to get sculpting on a face so I can have a base to attach all this stuff to.
As soon as my face piece is ready for foam latex,
I start sculpting the chest piece for my construction worker.
I'm taking my time to do a really good sculpture so it doesn't look too similar as last challenge.
And because we have an extra day, maybe tomorrow
I can spend my whole day just working on the robot suit.
I'm sculpting this chest piece that I'm gonna incorporate these little helping hands coming out that spread open the tissue during surgery.
I'm gonna vacuform it, so I can use this same piece as my back.
This challenge is all about the really smart, quick decision, and this is gonna help me save time.
I'm following Mr. Westmore's advice, and my robot is gonna have a hair blower coming out from her chest.
Everybody's doing all this L200 and gluing, but the last time I fabricated pieces,
I almost got eliminated.
At the same time, it's kind of hard to make foam look like metal, and I would hate to go home now.
At least, I want to go to the finale.
So I'm afraid sculpting this robot is a big mistake.
[Exhales]
Coming up...
This is so far out of my league.
Maybe I didn't do enough.
He won't be able to move.
It's gonna come apart.
I don't have time to do another bodysuit.
I think you really missed the mark on this one.
You hit the right notes.
It's the second day of the robot challenge, and I'm sculpting the chest piece and the cowl.
My strength is sculpting, not really fabrication.
But foam moves like foam.
It doesn't move like metals.
So there's a big risk, but I'll have to do what I do best.
It's got a blow dryer on the front.
Oh, you got a blow dryer.
I hope I made a good decision on doing this, so hopefully, the judges won't send me home.
With this fireman suit, I'm using L200, a very flexible material.
It can also be very rigid.
This fireman has vents on his chest that are gonna be taking in the smoke and putting out fresh oxygen through the back, and a water tank on his back with an arm that goes over the shoulder with a hose on it.
I really want to get my two arms and chest done so that all I really have to focus on the third day is the legs.
So to create these extremities coming off of my robot and the headpiece with the vacuform face in the front,
I take PVC pipe, cut several different sections, and I velcro every piece to a black spandex suit.
It's gonna be so much easier in application, where the models can just slip into the suits and pull everything on.
I'm hoping the bright, white pieces will help your eye get rid of that black suit, and all you see is the form of the robot.
I'm creating, for my robot construction worker, an arm piece that will hold a lot of different tools.
There you go.
So I got this idea to fabricate quick slots for each one of the tools.
I vacuform all these tools.
I have a drill, a wrench, screwdrivers.
It's starting to look really cool.
I finished the mold, and honestly
I think it looks beautiful.
It's gonna be foam.
It's not fabricating a robot.
But I'm liking the way it's looking.
The only thing that's worrying me is that tomorrow
I've got to fabricate some arms, and I'm not sure how they'll come out.
By end of day two, I have all these pieces laid out and everything pretty much is almost covered.
And then I realize that the mannequin I'm using is 6' tall, and my model's 5'.
All right, guys, that's time.
I hope I didn't waste all this time doing this suit because I don't even know if it's gonna fit my model.
[Robotic] Robot.
I don't know what to do.
I know a mistake like this can send you home.
Yeah!
It's the third day of the robot challenge, and I'm gonna concentrate now on the arm pieces and the hands.
The tools that I got for my hairdresser, they're very stylized combs and scissors, and they're actually very cool tools.
I'm taking all the tools, and I'm casting them in resin, which is plastic that's gonna be lighter so that it won't weigh down my model's fingers.
- Oh, nice.
- Really lightweight.
As soon as I get to the lab, I start working with my full-bodysuit robot.
Where is that paper that you said that you used?
I get some advice from Rashaad because he's the king of fabrication.
You draw it, you cut it, and then you put it...
- draw two.
- Okay.
It's gonna be a little bit challenging because it's the first fabrication that I do for a whole suit, so it's very important for me to take my time and make sure that I can put all the pieces together in a way
that looks cool and it has movement.
And I want to make it really big.
What you makin'?
- I'm makin' a robot!
- [Laughs]
I'm taking advantage of this extra day because I have a lot to do.
I start getting everything on the spandex suit, start to tie in tubing and wires to really give the robot feel.
And I want to give the sense that this thing has a functioning brain, so to create this illusion,
I give LED light strips to the top of the spandex cap.
So it almost looks like a circuit board computer on the inside, and it looks cool.
Today, I've got to get a helmet made for this robot, and I've also got to get a chest piece made, which will reflect light on whatever the camera's gonna be taking pictures of.
The first thing I do is I vacuform over a styrofoam head so I can get a shape of a helmet.
I cut that out, and now I need to move on to the chest piece.
[Whistles]
I hope I can just get it right.
Today, I need to finish the legs, the feet, and an arm that goes over the shoulder.
- Is that like a hose?
- Yeah, for... to feed the water through.
My time management is where I need it to be, and I need to get this armor latexed down so I can paint it.
I'm gluing L200 onto the bodysuit.
Is that gonna be able to bend?
- Yeah.
- You sure?
- I think so.
- But you glued it all together.
So now he won't be able to move his arms.
And Rashaad's telling me that I kind of, like, screwed myself.
- It's gonna come apart.
- You think so?
Yeah because you glued it all straight.
I left some spaces so he can move, but I glued the joints together.
I put a screw and a washer so it could bend.
But you glued it all straight, so it's not gonna be able to bend now.
I don't have time to do another bodysuit.
You got to leave that open, and then I hope you do the same thing for the legs.
I'm really worried because, if I don't get this bodysuit done the right way, I'm gonna be in trouble.
I need to fix this or I'm going home.
Fuck.
It's day three from our robot challenge.
He won't be able to move his arms.
Okay.
I mistakenly glued the robot's joints together.
Don't give nothing there.
Don't give nothing in the back.
Leave this all open.
And Rashaad starts giving really good advice, so I make sure that I unglue all these parts and make sure that all his joints are free of give so he can actually have some movement.
I need to fix this so I can move on to fabricating the helmet.
I'm making vacuform pieces for the robot arms.
The arms are not perfect.
They're not super pristine like I wanted it to be.
It's kind of rough on the edges.
They're looking like vacuform pieces, but with a good paint job, I'll make it work.
I'll make it happen.
A lot of times in doing armor, people make it bright and shiny, but a firefighter breaking through buildings and knocking down doors and having smoke constantly on them, it's going to be dirty.
It's gonna have scratches where you can see the silver metallic paint under it.
Exactly how I was as a little kid playing with toys, this is how I feel doing this robot.
So I'm in a good place.
Feeling very good today.
I've got everything done that I wanted to do.
I've got all of the lenses and plastic parts and metal pieces for my futuristic robotic camera.
Everybody else seems to be going really large, but all I'm doing is a robot face, and I'm okay with that.
This is so far out of my league.
I don't do robots, so we'll see what happens.
All right, guys, it's time.
I feel pretty good about application day tomorrow.
All's I need to do is get these things glued to the foam and start putting everything together.
Maybe I didn't do enough.
I could be going home or I could be a winner.
I just don't know.
- That's right.
- [Groans]
So we get back to the house.
We're all completely worn out.
Oh, my God.
How do you guys feel?
- Worn out.
- Me too.
I'm tired.
With the stress of the challenge and the competition,
I'm feeling mentally tired.
I'm definitely missing my motorcycle, my girlfriend.
Daran, happy birthday.
Hey, buddy!
Happy birthday to you!
- Red velvet.
- [All cheering]
Thank you, thank you.
To my surprise, my roommates know it's my birthday.
I basically forgot about it myself, and they bring out my favorite, red velvet cupcakes.
- Thank you, gents.
- Whoo-hoo!
- Final five.
- Final five.
We made it this far.
There's only five of us left.
So the pressure is really on now to get to the finale, and I'm hopin' I can make it.
- Good luck.
- Oh, definitely good luck.
So it's application day.
We have four hours in the lab, and one hour at last looks.
I start taking the robot apart, knowing that it's all gonna go back on really well if everything fits.
But I'm also nervous that this thing may not fit my model.
I obviously do not know how everything's gonna turn out until my model tries this thing on.
[Laughs]
So on this application, I really need to make sure the face piece is glued down perfectly because it will be holding a lot of weight.
So I'm gonna have to put some latex in it, which will help the bond of the give, and this should work out great.
Here they come.
You're gonna be a hairdresser from the future.
Okay.
I'm nervous that it's not gonna fit you 'cause it's so tall, but we'll have to see.
So this is what you got.
I try all the armor on my model to make sure everything fits.
Little kid's dreams.
That's exactly how I design.
Every time I design a character, I always think to myself,
"Would my son want to play with it?"
And I think this robot looks like a superhero.
He looks amazing.
Oh, yeah.
This is gonna have a light.
For my construction worker, the first thing that I want to do is finish that helmet.
Almost there.
Almost there.
I need to work as fast as I can so I can start painting the whole robot suit.
It's big, so it's gonna take me a little bit of time.
Oh, that's a big gap here.
Let me see.
I don't want the judges to be seeing any human form.
Otherwise, it won't sell as a robot.
So I'm taking this windshield tint, put it on the surface of the face.
Perfect.
And you just see metallic reflection, but my model can actually see through it.
It's very good stuff.
[Robotic warble]
I start zipping everything up, popping everything on, and everything actually fits great.
Ah!
[Laughs]
This thing looks like it can actually operate.
It's amazing.
Yeah, it's perfect.
Ten minutes, guys, ten minutes!
Coming around.
I'm looking around the room and noticing that there are some really strong makeups.
Beautiful.
Everybody's robots is just lookin' amazing.
All right, guys.
It's time.
Brushes down.
There's only five of us left, and everybody else has wins, and I don't.
I really have to get a win, or else there's no way
I can make it to the finale.
Coming up...
Paint job is still not there.
It's gonna look like a silver spoon.
I don't have a clue where I stand.
He's amazing.
I couldn't believe it when he walked out.
He's clumsy.
His proportions are a little wacky.
That is one of the strangest shapes I've ever seen.
Yay, I get my corner!
We get to last looks.
We have one hour left.
The most important thing is getting this mouthpiece glued on and gettin' all of these lenses and plastic parts put on so this can look like a camera.
I've got a hot give gun.
I've got some five-minute epoxy, and it's just all about attaching things now.
This little piece I found attaches right to the top of that.
The paint job is still not there, and everything's gonna look like a silver spoon.
So I decided to go with a faint gold wash.
I think it's working.
It's looking very stylish.
I'm getting the face shield on, getting everything adjusted.
I'm building this thing not knowing how it's gonna turn out.
I really hope it's enough for the judges.
It's pretty intense.
I'm trying to apply everything as fast as I can, but I'm worried if I can get all the pieces painted and done.
I forgot the box cutter.
I got one.
Here.
I've pre-painted so much, all I have to do is touch up some weathering and yellow highlights on his back, and he's ready to go.
Ten minutes, guys!
That's it, everybody.
That's time.
I've been pretty steady throughout this whole competition, but I really have to get a win because I definitely want to be in the finale.
Welcome to the Face Off reveal stage.
Tonight, one of you will be eliminated.
First, let's say hello to our talented panel of judges.
Owner of Optic Nerve Makeup Effects Studio, Glenn Hetrick.
- Good evening.
- Hello.
Three-time Oscar-winning makeup artist, Ve Neill.
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Ve.
Creature and concept designer Neville Page.
- Hello.
- Hello.
All right, this week, your spotlight challenge was to select a professional and create a robot that has replaced them in the workforce.
Now, I also asked that your robots display an extreme functional or articulating advantage over their human counterparts.
So let's take a look at your creations.
[Dramatic music]
♪ ♪
From a distance, all you see is this exoskeleton, and it just looks like this thing is really operating in front of my eyes.
It looks so cool.
Everything I envisioned has come to life.
This is my first robot that I've ever attempted to make.
Kept it nice and clean and robotic looking.
I'm very satisfied with it.
She's looking very slick and beautiful.
She's looking like a freaking robot from The Jetsons.
It looks pretty cool.
He has a good presence.
It's looking really big and massive, and I just want to hear what the judges have to say.
Judges, why don't you take a closer look at the robotic replacements?
It makes sense functionally.
Smart thing too about just doing the spandex bodysuit.
Just let it disappear.
Love the layers.
This is really cool.
And it's cool that he put work under it for us to see too.
- Yeah.
- Good. 
Thank you.
This dude is killer.
It's actually even better close up, huh?
Yeah.
Look at all this detail.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
I absolutely love this flourish, just to break it up a little bit.
Can you turn to the side?
Look at how tight that profile is on his head.
Can you turn all the way around?
Plus his choice of weathering, it gives it history.
Okay.
Thank you.
I think heartbeeps have more complexity in the chest piece than this thing does.
Like a lampshade.
Is it possible that something didn't come out?
I don't have a clue where I stand.
I'm still feeling like I didn't do enough on this makeup, so I'm really worried about what the judges are gonna say.
I mean, we really have just this face.
- This is so minimal.
- It is.
I don't do robots, so it could very well be me going home.
Who made your favorite robot?
Tell us on Twitter using #FaceOff.
This is so minimal.
We really have just this face.
Maybe I didn't do enough.
It could very well be me going home.
This is wood.
Hmm.
Thanks.
It feels so retro accurate, it could step off of original Battlestar Galactica...
- Biddy, biddy, biddy.
- Mm-hmm.
It's an interesting choice.
I kind of like it there.
I think it's an attachment for her hand.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
There's a ton of work.
All scruffy, mind you, but every single region has been addressed.
I love whatever this is.
I just wish he would've explored this more.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Okay, the judges would now like to speak with each of you to learn more about your work.
- Tyler, step forward.
- Okay.
Tyler, tell us how the profession that you selected inspired your robot design this week.
I wanted to do something like the surgeon of the future, a robot that can really take on the job of several surgeons at once.
I think you did a fantastic job, particularly the construction out of very rudimentary elements, of the harness that holds that face piece out from the face.
I think that's your great triumph this week.
It's really cool, and it's fun to look at.
Thank you.
She doesn't seem to be too futuristic, which is kind of a nice thing in a weird kind of way because it makes her look a little bit more familiar.
I think she's pretty sweet, honey.
- Nice job.
- Thank you.
What's great is you've hit all the right notes of what implies this being a medical product, and it all kind of stacks up to being a nice, solid character.
Thank you.
Tyler, thank you very much.
Please step back.
Daran, if you'd please step to the center.
Can you tell us how your profession inspired your robot?
I chose the futuristic photographer.
I wanted to make a robotic head that was nothing but a camera.
Definitely out of my element.
I don't make robots.
I can tell.
I'm disappointed in this.
It just doesn't have the vavoom that all the rest of them have.
This looks like a guy with just, like, a little rubber vest on with a big plate in the middle of it.
I think you really missed the mark on this one this week.
Yeah, I don't do robots.
I'm sorry.
That right there is your main problem this week.
Even though the robot thing is not your bag, focusing on the fundamental ideas of proportion and functionality would've helped go a long way.
What I struggle with is the overall silhouette and the codpiece thing.
It turns it from a potentially sophisticated concept into a cartoon-like character.
Yeah.
Daran, thank you very much.
Please step back.
Rashaad, you're up.
So tell us about the profession and how it inspired this guy.
I always think of a firefighter as heroic and cool, so that's what inspired my design.
Definitely heroic.
You sculpted and fabricated an entire costume, which is astonishing.
Thank you.
I think this is the best thing that you have showed us so far this season.
- Thank you.
- It's all about function, what the thing does.
And that's exciting, because that makes you really believe that the thing was built for a specific task, which is exactly what we asked you to do.
Thank you.
- He's amazing.
- Thank you.
I couldn't believe it when he walked out.
He looks like he's been through hell.
He looks like he's been through a blowtorch about 40 times.
And the fact that you spray-painted that yellow is awesome.
You have blown me away this week.
Thank you.
Rashaad, you can step back.
You were lookin' for that win.
You got it.
- [Laughs] 
- Finally.
I hope so.
Niko, please step to the center.
Niko, tell us how your profession inspired your robot.
I think about construction workers, like, big and bulky, and I wanted to create a big machine that is in the future, but it's, like, the first series.
You certainly did a lot of work this week, but it's a bit clunky, isn't it?
Yeah.
Could've been proportioned a little bit more elegantly and still looked rough industrial.
Okay.
He does have that kind of clunky feel, but he's kind of fun.
I particularly like those...
what are they called, Neville?
- Hydraulic cylinders?
- Yes.
- Oh, this?
- Yes, the hydraulic cylinders.
It's a really neat little touch that you put on him, and I think he's kind of sweet.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
His proportions are a little wacky.
He's got this big beluga head.
He's clumsy.
There's, like, all sorts of weird stuff goin' on with this.
I'm not really a big fan of it, but it's cohesive.
Okay.
Niko, thank you.
George, please step forward.
Oh, there you go.
All right, can you tell us how your profession inspired your robot?
Her name is V-3000.
It stands for Venus, for the goddess of beauty.
I got inspired by high fashion.
I would go to this salon in a minute.
[Laughs]
- I think she's quite beautiful.
- Thank you.
I think she does a little crossover, 'cause I see she also has some makeup tools on the end of her fingers.
- Oh, yeah.
- Very well done, George.
[Laughs] Thanks.
There's some very elegant line work that divides up the planes either for access panels or just for the sake of making it pretty.
It's a beautiful piece.
That is one of the strangest and most bizarre chest shapes
I've ever seen.
Using those planes to create something that suggests female, that's the high point for me.
The form ideas are near perfection.
Thanks, man.
George, thank you very much.
If you'd please step back.
Thank you.
Thank you, guys.
All right, guys, the judges have heard what you have to say.
If you'd please head back to the makeup room while they deliberate.
- Thank you, guys.
- Thank you.
All right, judges, let's talk about tonight's looks.
Why don't we start with Tyler?
Tyler did an excellent job with the colors and the shapes conveying a piece of medical equipment.
It feels very much like a logical progression from conventional robotic attempts that we're working with now into the future where it actually works and walks around like a person, and I think that's a really intelligent way
to have approached this.
Yeah, and I liked the way that he had the human facial piece over the top so the patient would have something to refer to.
All right, let's move on to Rashaad.
This is awesome.
I couldn't believe all the detail.
You could put that thing in a movie right now.
There are some really gorgeous design choices, and as a character, all those layers of paint gives us a sense of history.
It's an impressive amount of work.
All right, let's move on to George.
George's is very well done.
For me, this was an exercise in form.
Even though he had the utility in the hand, our focus was on the head and the chest, and it ended up being beautiful.
I like that he used different techniques for the metal process.
There's silver and gold bronzes.
There's hammered, there's smooth, and he made them all go together.
What did you think of the name V-3000?
Ah, he named it after me, of course.
[Laughter]
All right, let's move on to Niko.
It felt disproportionate.
It looked like an old boxing helmet on top of a face that made no sense to me.
It's so clunky, particularly the proportion of the head and the proportion of the legs and pelvis.
But I loved the chest and the detail... those little wires that were embedded in the design.
I think it was very successful.
Do I think it's as successful as the other makeups this week?
I... 
I don't.
I like this robot.
I don't know.
You guys are bein' really hard on him.
You know what was a cool detail?
He made animated hydraulic actuators.
That was the one element that really did say construction equipment.
All right, let's move on to Daran.
So disappointing.
He decides to just focus on the head, throw, like, a sheet of foam over the body, and even the head wasn't stellar.
It's convoluted.
It's huge.
It's massive.
It makes no sense.
Even when he was defending it, if you want to call it that, he kind of just kept repeating a simple sentence...
"I don't do robots."
Maybe he's not interested in doing anything other than what he feels comfortable doing.
That makes you very unemployable.
Yeah, exactly.
All right, judges.
Have you made your decisions?
- Yeah, we have.
- We have.
Okay.
Let's bring 'em back out.
Glenn, tell us about tonight's top looks.
Tyler, there were such cool and clever solutions in your design that it was really hard to believe that this is the first time you've tackled this level of fabrication.
Rashaad, your robotic firefighter really felt like a hero, and we loved the decision to place that crest around his neck.
And, George, your robot's flowing lines and gold paint job really made her quite elegant.
All right, Glenn, who is the winner of this challenge?
The winner of tonight's challenge is...
Glenn, who is the winner of this challenge?
The winner of tonight's challenge is...
Rashaad.
Your choices were all so spot on this week.
This is the perfect time to raise your game.
Thank you guys so much.
Finally got a W. I can join the winners' circle.
And gettin' a win now definitely gives me that extra push and lets me know that I do have what it takes.
- Rashaad, congratulations.
- Thank you.
You, Tyler, and George can head back to the makeup room.
Thank you, guys.
Glenn, tell us about tonight's bottom looks.
Actually, there was only one bottom look for us this week.
Daran.
It was really obvious that you were out of your element, and you were a bit resigned because, as you put it, you don't do robots.
That sentiment really worked against you this week.
That means Niko, you are safe and can head back to the makeup room.
Thank you, guys.
All right, brother.
It's been fun.
Daran, it is obvious that you are truly a huge talent.
You've shown us some beautiful and unique designs.
We all look forward very much to seeing what you do next.
I appreciate it.
Daran, I'm so sorry, but you have been eliminated.
It's really been great having you here with us, but please head back to the makeup room and pack up your kit.
- Thank you, guys.
- Good luck, Daran.
I'm a little bit sad I didn't make it to the end.
I was right there.
I definitely wanted to go on and win this competition.
What do you think, boys?
What do you think?
- Don't do that.
- Don't do that, bro.
- It's you, Daran?
- Yeah.
- What?
- Aw, dude.
Ah, brother.
This competition is no joke, and I'm truly amazed at the stuff I came up with in the amount of time I did.
- Whoo!
- Fierce hug. 
Fierce hug.
Bein' here was a blast, and if this is feelin' like a loser, then I'm very confused 'cause I feel like a winner.
I'll always be a makeup artist.
I'm definitely gonna design more.
I've got a lot of ideas.
This is not the end for me, of course.

Hey, hey, hey.
Scoot down, scoot down.
Nick, what are you doing?
- What are you doing?
Sorry, just scoot down.
I need to iron this shirt that I'm wearing for my date with Tran's granddaughter.
It's either this or the turtleneck my mother bought me in 2009.
They're my only clean shirts.
The short-sleeved turtleneck?
Don't do that.
Okay, look, we need this whole table for Nadia's baby shower, all right? 
So, move along.
Nadia-- isn't that the Russian chick who broke, uh,
Schmidt's, uh...
Yes.
Don't be a fool, Katniss.
I know you never wanted the rebellion.
The things that you did in the Games were never intended to start all of this.
The rebels have made you into something that you're not.
Something that could destroy all of us.
So if you have any power or any say in what they do or how they use you,
please, please, urge them to stop this war before it's too late.
And ask yourself, can you trust the people you're working with?
- Do you know what they really want?
- We need to respond.
Thank you, Peeta Mellark, for these revelations about the real Mockingjay.
- Did you see what he looks like?
- I saw a coward.
You don't have any idea what he's going through.
I don't care.
I would never say what he just said.
Not if they tortured me.
Not with a gun to my head.
That is the same Peeta that defended you at the whipping post.
No, it's not.
Now he's only defending himself.
Coin's called a meeting.
We need to respond.
When did "we" become you and Coin?
Everyone has a choice.
How can he sit there in the Capitol and defend the people who destroyed his home and murdered his family?
He doesn't know.
How could he? 
Nobody's seen what the Capitol did to 12.
I have to show them.
So I wanna start with you in front of the Justice Building, okay?
Bang. 
First shot.
Katniss, tell us what happened here.
We were all standin' right here
watching' the Games when you fired that arrow.
The screens just went dark.
Nobody had any idea what happened.
Peacekeepers forced us back into our homes.
For maybe an hour, the town was just dead quiet.
Little past 9:00, we heard their trucks pulling' out.
All of them. 
Every single Peacekeeper.
And I knew what that meant.
Me and a couple of guys from the mines, we started pulling people from their houses and tried to get 'em to the fence line but a lotta people were scared of the forest.
So they headed up onto the road.
Make a break for it that way.
Stay with Gale.
915 of us made it to the fence.
Then we watched as... bombers circled back towards the road.
They firebombed them as they ran away.
915 outta 10,000.
I should've grabbed people.
I should've dragged 'em with me.
- Some of the kids I could've carried.
- You saved so many people, Gale.
Without you, there would be no District 12.
Not even the memory of it.
This is where you kissed me.
I didn't think you remembered that.
I'd have to be dead to forget that.
Maybe not even then.
I knew you'd do that.
How? 
I didn't.
'Cause I'm in pain.
That's the only way that I can get your attention.
Don't worry, Katniss. 
It'll pass.
Hey.
Yeah, that's a mockingjay.
Well, now they'll never shut up.
You want me to sing?
Are you, are you
Coming to the tree
They strung up a man
They say who murdered three
Strange things did happen here No stranger would it be
If we met at midnight in the hanging tree
Are you, are you
Coming to the tree
Where the dead man called out for his love to flee
Strange things did happen here No stranger would it be
If we met at midnight in the hanging tree
Are you, are you
Coming to the tree
Where I told you to run
So we'd both be free
Strange things did happen here No stranger would it be
If we met at midnight in the hanging tree
That line was originally "necklace of rope."
I had it changed to "necklace of hope."
Wow. 
You are a true wordsmith.
Little on the nose, but, of course, so is war.
- Every district's seeing this?
- Yes. 
But not the Capitol.
I designed this signal defense system for them.
But I can't find my way through it.
Guess I did my job too well.
At the time, I was just thinking of the science of it all.
We'll get through it.
Moves and countermoves.
Katniss, you're wanted in Command.
Tonight, we've received reports of derailed trains, of granaries on fire, and of a savage attack on the hydroelectric dam in District 5.
What have they done to you?
I'm begging for restraint and decency.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled horse manure to bring you...
- That's it. 
That's our footage.
- Beetee's in.
- Katniss?
- He sees it. 
He sees our propo.
- Katniss, are you there?
- Peeta.
Katniss?
Peeta, please continue.
You were telling us about these savage attacks.
Yeah.
The attack on the dam was a callous
and inhuman act of destruction...
Think about it.
How will this end? 
What will be left?
No one can survive this.
No one is safe now.
Not here in the Capitol.
Not in any of the districts.
They're coming, Katniss.
They're gonna kill everyone.
And in District 13 you'll be dead by morning.
- He's warning us. 
That was a warning.
- Yes, it was.
We have to get him out before they kill him.
- Is there anything in the air?
- Nothing on Doppler, ma'am.
He was in the mansion.
He could have overheard something.
Possibly.
It's time for an air raid drill.
This is a code red alert. 
Please, remain calm and begin evacuation protocol.
- Prim! 
Prim!
- Proceed to your nearest stairwell and descend to level 40.
Blast doors will be sealed in six minutes.
This is a code red alert. 
Please, remain calm and begin evacuation protocol.
Proceed in an orderly fashion to your nearest stairwell and descend to level 40.
Madam President, three Capitol squadrons just entered our airspace.
- How much time do we have?
- They're a few seconds from range.
- Prepare to scramble the fleet.
- Copy that.
Open up short-range air defense.
Arm long-range missiles for counterattack.
This is a code red alert. 
Please, remain calm and begin evacuation protocol.
Proceed in an orderly fashion to your nearest stairwell and descend to level 40.
Blast doors...
This is a code red alert.
Please, remain calm...
This is a code red alert.
Proceed in an orderly fashion...
Come on. 
Come on, hon.
Continue to the Supply Station and claim one pack for each member of your compartment.
Please keep all personal items within your assigned area.
Be courteous to your fellow citizens.
This is a code red alert.
All citizens should be inside the bunker.
- Blast doors will close in two minutes.
- Mom!
- Where's Prim?
- I thought she went to find you.
- She must still be on the stairs.
- There's no one on the stairs.
She went back for the cat.
This is a code red alert.
All citizens should be inside the bunker.
Hey, stop! 
Stop!
Blast doors will close in one minute.
They hit the far edge of the northwest quadrant. 
Penetrated 40 feet.
Missed the living quarters.
Only minor damage to corridors 2 and 3.
- Is there any radiation?
- None detected.
Doppler shows a fourth wave approaching.
- Blast doors will close in 30 seconds.
- Prim!
- Prim!
- Katniss!
- This is a code red alert.
- Katniss!
- Blast doors will close in 15 seconds.
- Keep moving, keep moving!
Get down here!
- Hurry!
- This is a code red alert.
- Come on!
- Blast doors will close in 10 seconds.
Nine...
- Eight...
- Come on!
Seven...
Six...
- Five...
- Hold the doors!
Four...
Three...
- Two...
- Wait! 
Hold the doors!
One.
You went back for the cat?
What were you thinking?
I wasn't gonna leave him behind.
I couldn't live with myself.
- Blast doors are now sealed.
- I know, Prim.
Let's go.
Damage to the aquifer in the northwest quadrant. 
We lost a transport corridor.
There's nothing else in the northwest.
Our surface-to-air launchers just took a direct hit in sector 3.
Because we revealed ourselves.
They saw us firing there.
Stand down. 
Don't launch the fleet.
Another 12 Capitol bombers approaching sector 3 in attack formation.
Hold fire on their approach.
What'd they hit?
Bedrock. 
But there's debris in the ventilation shaft.
- They're not targeting our fleet.
- Or our Special Weaponry.
They don't know what we have or where we have it.
Can you confirm that everyone's safely in the bunker?
Already done.
Conceal all remaining anti-aircraft guns.
Seal launching pads and ventilation corridors.
We are gonna wait this out.
This is what we're built for.
They'll seal us in here like a tomb.
The Capitol's working off some outdated information.
I'd rather not update it for them.
Madam President, I know it's not my place...
It's not. 
You're a welcome guest, but you're out of your depth down here.
- Reduce oxygen to 14% to conserve it.
- Copy that.
Take a deep breath, Mr. Heavensbee.
It's gonna be a long night.
Prim, talk about something. 
Anything.
They promoted me at the hospital.
I forgot to tell you.
They're training me to be a doctor.
They'd be stupid not to.
Hey.
- Can I sit?
- Yeah.
Snow's using Annie to punish you.
He's taunting us with them.
I didn't understand until just now watching that stupid cat.
After your first Games,
I thought the whole romance was an act.
We all expected you to continue that strategy.
But it wasn't until Peeta's heart stopped and he nearly died that...
I knew I'd misjudged you.
You love him.
I'm not saying in what way.
Maybe you don't even know yourself.
But anyone paying attention can see it.
How do you live with it?
I drag myself outta nightmares and there's no relief in waking up.
But... it's better not to give in to it.
Takes 10 times longer to put yourself back together than it does to fall apart.
Katniss? 
Katniss?
Come with me.
We took their best shot. 
Didn't we?
Yeah.
- Your mother and sister okay?
- Yeah, they're fine.
I need you to do something for us.
I need you to tell Panem that we survived an attack by the Capitol with no casualties.
And we remain fully operational.
Okay.
You should know something.
We had eight extra minutes of civilian evacuation because of Peeta's warning.
I won't forget that.
Thank you.
So Katniss, it's "13 is alive and well and so am I."
Katniss?
Katniss.
Never one to waste it in rehearsal, I know.
Why would they drop these?
For me.
Ready to go, Katniss?
We're gonna do this, just like District 8.
Tell me about the roses.
Tell Snow 13 is alive and well.
He's gonna kill Peeta.
Let's try again. 
Can you speak up?
We don't have a mic on you.
"13 is alive and well and so am I."
He's gonna kill Peeta.
- I can't.
- Katniss?
- You can do it, Katniss.
- I can't do this.
"13 is alive and well and so am I."
He's just gonna keep...
He's never gonna stop.
- Cressida, we should cut the cameras.
- It's okay, Katniss.
No. 
He warned me.
He warned me about this.
He's doing this because I'm The Mockingjay.
He's punishing Peeta to punish me.
No.
- No, I can't do this.
- Katniss.
- Don't make me do this!
- Let her go.
I got... 
I gotta get out of here.
So this is the end?
I s'pose you're just gonna hide down here forever?
I can't be The Mockingjay.
Not The Mockingjay. 
Just Katniss.
You know, you're the only real friend I have down here.
I don't suppose they gave you any kind of medication?
- You're unbelievable.
- Okay, but I meant what I said.
Look, the reason I'm here is to let you know they're rescuing Peeta.
- What?
- The dam went down in District 5, took out most of the power to the Capitol.
Knocked out their signal defense.
Beetee's inside their system now, wreaking all kinds of havoc.
A window is open to us.
How much longer? 
I don't know.
I guess until the Capitol can get the power back on.
And President Coin?
You know, I can never fully support that woman in light of the... prohibition they have going on around this place, but...
Plutarch got word that Peeta and the others are in the Tribute Center.
And with the power out, Coin sees this as an opportunity.
She knows that Peeta is the Capitol's weapon.
The same way you're ours.
And as opposed to having you two pointing at each other, she's going to get him.
- I have to go help.
- Hey, hey, whoa, kiddo. 
Wait.
Come on. 
What, are you just gonna jump out of the vent and go storm the Capitol?
Besides, it's already underway.
Six soldiers went in. 
Volunteer only.
And guess who was the first brave soul to sign up.
Gale.
- Okay, Finnick?
- Yeah. 
Yeah.
Go in the center there.
Those rocks.
Castor, to the left.
Pollux, you're with me.
So we'll go straight to camera.
Okay? 
Finnick?
Yeah.
Okay. 
Take your time.
Just remember to keep talking and don't stop.
This is Finnick Odair.
Winner of the 65th Hunger Games.
And I'm coming to you from District 13, alive and well.
We've survived an assault from the Capitol.
But I'm not here to give you recent news.
- Why is Finnick doing a propo?
- It's a lot more than that.
- Beetee's commandeered the system.
- Now that they're down to generator power there's a more limited range of frequencies available to them.
And I'm filling them all up with Finnick.
Not many will see it, but whoever does will think it's another propo.
What they don't know is this broadcast is jamming their entire system with noise.
Early defense warning, internal communications, everything.
As long as the broadcast goes through, our team should be able to get in and out undetected.
The truth.
Not the myths about a life of luxury.
Not the lie about glory for your homeland.
You can survive the arena.
The moment you leave, you're a slave.
Mockingjay One, Mockingjay One, you are one minute out from perimeter defense.
- Going dark.
- Stay low in case they're online.
President Snow used to sell me.
Or my body, at least.
I wasn't the only one.
If a Victor is considered desirable, the President gives them as a reward or allows people to buy them.
If you refuse, he kills someone you love.
Mockingjay One, you are 20 seconds from perimeter defense.
Ten seconds.
Nine... 
Eight...
Seven... 
Six... 
Five...
Four... 
Three... 
Two...
One.
No response from perimeter defense.
We're inside Capitol airspace.
To make themselves feel better, my patrons would make presents of money or jewelry.
But I found a much more valuable form of payment.
Secrets.
Gear up.
Switching to Night View.
There.
Command, we have visual on the Tribute Center.
Initiating final approach.
Masks on.
See, I know all the depravity, the deceit and the cruelty of the Capitol's pampered elite.
But the biggest secrets are about our good President, Coriolanus Snow.
Open the door.
Command, this is Team Leader.
Prepare to deploy gas.
We will confirm once inside.
Such a young man when he rose to power.
Such a clever one to keep it.
How, you may ask, did he do it?
One word.
Poison.
Get ready to drop.
He stopped every mutiny before it even started.
Clear.
Clear. 
Command, we're inside.
Heading toward target number one.
Cell P45 lower level 2C.
Gas.
There are so many mysterious deaths to adversaries.
Even to allies who were threats.
Snow would drink from the same cup, to deflect suspicion.
But antidotes don't always work, which is why he wears roses that reek of perfume.
Help cover the scent of blood from sores in his mouth that will never heal.
Gale.
But he can't hide the scent of who he really is. 
He kills without mercy.
He rules with deception and fear.
His weapon of choice is the only thing suited to such a man.
Poison. 
The perfect weapon for a snake.
What is this place?
- Beetee?
- I'm losing them.
Powering back up.
Ma'am, the Capitol air defense system is rebooting. 
It's coming back online.
Must be diverting power from another source.
And filtering transmissions.
Another 60 seconds and we'll be cut off.
Madam President, should we call back the hovercraft?
Broadcast me.
If Snow's watching this, maybe he'll let the signal in, if he sees me.
Put me on the air so he can see me.
- Yes. 
Yes.
- Put her on.
Can we do this? 
Can we still get in?
Yes. 
For the moment. 
The line's open.
He will only see you.
Okay, Katniss, go.
President Snow?
President Snow. 
It's Katniss.
- There's no guarantee he's even watching.
- President Snow?
- I know, but he might be.
- President Snow, I need to speak with you.
Are you there?
President Snow, it's Katniss.
Can you hear me?
I need to speak with you.
President Snow, it's Katniss.
President Snow, are you there?
Can you hear me?
- President Snow...
- Miss Everdeen. 
What an honor.
I don't imagine you're calling to thank me for the roses.
I never asked for this.
I never asked to be in the Games.
- Boggs? 
Come in. 
Boggs?
- I never asked to be The Mockingjay.
Just wanted to save my sister.
And keep Peeta alive.
Come in. 
Boggs?
Please, just let him go.
And I will stop being The Mockingjay.
I will disappear. 
You will never have to see me ever again.
Miss Everdeen.
- Boggs, come in.
- You couldn't run from this... any more than you could have run from the Games.
- Command, I need a situation report.
- Boggs, we're running out of time. 
Hurry.
Let's move.
Please.
You've won.
You've already beaten me.
Release Peeta. 
And take me instead.
We're long past the opportunity for noble sacrifice.
Then tell me what to do.
I've always kept my promises, haven't I?
You said you didn't want a war.
And that's just what's happened.
I told you what a fragile thing peace was.
And still, like a child, you took pleasure in breaking it.
I know what you are.
I know you can't see past your narrowest concerns.
But please, Miss Everdeen.
I doubt you know what honesty is anymore.
Command, we're at the first target.
Preparing to extract Peeta.
Will confirm when he's in hand.
Mockingjay One, prepare hovercraft for evac.
You asked me to convince you that I was in love with Peeta.
Haven't I at least done that?
Miss Everdeen, it's the things we love most that destroy us.
I want you to remember that I said that.
Don't you think I know your friends are in the Tribute Center?
Cut them off.
- Boggs, come in.
- What happened?
Boggs, come in. 
Do you read me?
He knows that they're in there.
It's a trap.
Katniss, hold it.
We have to get a hold of them.
We have to tell them to get out. 
He knows.
There's no signal.
We can't contact them.
No. 
Haymitch, he knew the whole time.
He was taunting me.
- No, Haymitch. 
They're in there.
- No, we don't know that.
Did I lose them both tonight?
Did I lose them both tonight?
Did I lose them both tonight?
Did I lose them? 
I lost them both.
No! 
No!
There's no news.
I'm sorry.
It's the worst torture in the world.
Waiting, when you know there's nothing you can do.
Especially for people like us.
But whatever strength, courage, madness, keeps us going, you find it, at times like these.
You have it, soldier.
It's what's kept you alive all this time.
And it won't fail you now.
They're back.
I don't want that.
Johanna.
Finnick!
Finnick!
Annie? 
Annie! 
Annie!
You're safe. 
You're safe.
Gale!
Are you okay?
What? 
What is it?
I don't get it. 
Every gun was back online and on us and we flew right past them.
They let us go.
He's in there.
The gas we used on the guards knocked him out, too, but it's wearing off now.
You should be there when he wakes up.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Peeta.
Peeta!
Peeta! 
Get off! 
Get off of her!
Let go!
No, Katniss.
No, you're swollen. 
Don't touch.
No, no, no. 
Calm down.
Calm down. 
You're okay.
Tell her she's awake.
- Pee...
- Don't try to talk.
Peeta's okay. 
I promise.
I just had to get him off you.
It's called hijacking.
We don't know how long the Capitol's been doing this to Peeta.
It's fear conditioning.
Enhanced with tracker jacker venom.
You were stung your first Games.
Remember?
The venom puts the subject in a dissociative state.
And they torture him.
With shocks and beatings, and strip down his identity.
And then all of that suffering and fear is redirected.
Associated with other memories or a person.
They can change his memories of Katniss?
To make her seem life-threatening.
They turned him into a weapon, Katniss.
To kill you.
But you can reverse it?
The fear is the most difficult thing to overcome.
We're hardwired to remember fear best.
It's new terrain.
But we've put together a team.
I'm optimistic.
Good evening.
Yesterday, I authorized a covert rescue mission inside the Capitol.
I am pleased to announce that the Victors have been liberated!
Let this day mark an historic change.
With The Mockingjay and the Victors beside us, we have sent a clear message to the Capitol.
That we will never again endure injustice.
Today, a day on which we reunited family, friends, and loved ones.
Let all of Panem come together.
Not to battle for the amusement of the Capitol.
But to join hands in this fight.
Let today be the day we promise never to give up, never to give in until we have made a new Panem, where leaders are elected, not imposed upon us.
And where the districts are free to share the fruits of their labors and not fight one another for scraps!
This new Panem is on the horizon.
But we must take it for ourselves.
The road there leads through the sharp mountains and deep ravines of District 2.
There in the heart of Panem's steepest mountain range lies the Capitol's principal military facility.
We can conquer this stronghold because we are one people, one army, one voice.
Because today is our new beginning.
Today we have freed the Victors.
Tomorrow, Panem!
Hoorah! 
Hoorah! 
Hoorah!

Start simple. 
Start with what you know is the truth.
My name is Katniss Everdeen.
My home is District 12.
I was in the Hunger Games.
I escaped.
Peeta...
Peeta was left behind.
Miss Everdeen? 
You can't be here.
I had a nightmare.
Just five more minutes.
You need to sleep.
We can help you sleep.
Just five more minutes.
No.
No, please, don't.
It's just five more...
Don't touch me!
Don't! 
No! 
No!
Get off of me!
Finnick.
I wanted to go back for Peeta and Johanna, but I, uh...
I couldn't move.
They have Annie, too.
They took her.
She's, uh...
She's in the Capitol.
I wish she was dead.
I wish they were all dead and we were too
Miss Everdeen.
Colonel Boggs, District 13's head of security.
I know you've been discharged, but President Coin's requested to meet with you first.
Is there any news?
I'm just here to escort you.
We were always told there was nothing left of 13.
Capitol bombed the surface to rubble.
But we're military, so we learned to survive down here.
Preparing, training.
The war never stopped for us.
There she is.
Our Girl on Fire.
Madam President, may I present you with The Mockingjay.
What an honor it is to meet you.
You're a courageous young woman.
I know how disorienting this must be.
And I can't imagine what it's like to live through the atrocities of those Games.
Katniss,
President Alma Coin.
Please know how welcome you are.
I hope you'll find some comfort with us.
We've known loss in 13, too.
This is history.
Right here at this table.
I apologize.
I wish you had more time to recover, but unfortunately, we don't have that luxury.
Please, have a seat.
Are you aware of what's happened?
When you fired your arrow at the force field you electrified the nation.
There have been riots and uprisings and strikes in seven districts.
We believe that if we keep this energy going we can unify the districts against the Capitol.
But if we don't, if we let it dissipate, we could be waiting another 75 years for this opportunity.
Everyone in 13 is ready for this.
What about Peeta?
Is he alive?
I don't know.
And I wish that I did.
But there's no way for me to contact my operatives inside the Capitol.
The Capitol has always suppressed communication between the districts.
But I know their system very well.
I managed to break through.
All we need now is the perfect message.
Katniss, here's what we need to do.
We need to show them that The Mockingjay's alive and well and willing to stand up and join this fight.
'Cause we need every district to stand up to this Capitol.
The way you did.
So we're gonna shoot a series of propaganda clips, propos, I like to call them, on The Mockingjay.
Spreads the word that we're gonna stoke the fire of this rebellion.
The fire that The Mockingjay started.
You left him there.
You left Peeta in that arena to die.
Katniss, there are so many...
Peeta was the one who was supposed to live.
Miss Everdeen.
This revolution is about everyone.
It's about all of us.
And we need a voice.
Then you should've saved Peeta.
Maybe you should have rescued the boy instead.
Oh, no.
No, listen to me.
No one else can do this but her.
This is not the girl you described.
Obviously, we need to make it personal.
Remind her who the real enemy is.
She knows who the enemy is.
That's not the issue.
Unless she's forgotten.
There's explaining and there's showing.
Let her see what the Capitol did to 12.
She can't handle it.
The Games destroyed her.
This is the only choice you have.
People don't always show up the way you want them to, Madam President.
But that anger, that anger-driven defiance, that's what we want.
And we can redirect it.
We need to unite these people out there that have been doing nothing but killing each other in an arena for years.
We have to have a lightning rod.
They'll follow her.
She's the face of the revolution.
Let her see it.
Let her go home.
Send her.
I can't believe you're going through with this.
You can say "no."
I need to see it for myself.
This way.
13 swept everything, top to bottom so you'd be safe.
You sure you don't want me to go with you?
Yeah. 
I'm sure.
We'll have our eyes on you from above.
Figures.
Hey!
Come on.
Don't you wanna see Prim?
There you go.
You're breakin' my heart.
Shh.
Egeria!
We need to fix these lines.
I won't say "rebels."
These are senseless acts of defiance.
And I won't legitimize them.
We'll call them "criminals."
Mmm.
"Radicals."
Hmm.
Otherwise we're breaking my oldest rule.
Never let them see you bleed.
Citizens, tonight I address all of Panem as one.
SincetheDarkDays,
Panemhashad an unprecedented era of peace.
Itisapeace built upon cooperation.
Anda respect for law and order.
Inthepastweeks, you have heard of sporadic violence followingtheactions of a few radicals in the Quarter Quell.
Thosewhochoose this destructive path, youractionsarebased on a misunderstanding ofhowwe havesurvived.
Together.
Itisacontract.
Eachdistrict supplies the Capitol.
Like blood to a heart.
Inreturn, the Capitol provides order and security.
Torefusework istoputthe entire system in danger.
TheCapitolis thebeating heart of Panem.
Nothingcansurvive without a heart.
Thecriminals that kneel before you usesymbolsfor the purpose of sedition.
Which is why all images of The Mockingjay are now forbidden.
Possessing them will be considered treason.
Punishable by death.
Justice shall be served swiftly.
Ordershallbe restored.
Tothosewhoignore the warnings of history,
preparetopay the ultimate price.
It's okay.
We're okay.
We're all here now.
Buttercup!
I smuggled him in.
I got Dad.
And I got some of your herbs from the kitchen.
They have strict rules.
I don't know what they'll do if they find him here.
You should try to eat something.
Hello.
Goodevening.
Anda bigwelcome to all in Panem.
I'mCaesarFlickerman.
Andwhoeveryouare , whatever it is you're doing, ifyou'reworking, put down your work.
Ifyou'rehavingdinner, stop having dinner.
Becauseyouaregoingtowant to witness this tonight.
Therehasbeen rampant speculation aboutwhatreallyhappened in the Quarter Quell.
Andhereto shed a little light onthesubjectfor us is a very special guest.
Pleasewelcome Mr. Peeta Mellark.
Peeta,a lotof people feelasthough they are in the dark.
Yeah, I know how they feel.
Now,sosetthe stageforus.
Talkusthrough what really happened onthatfinal and controversial night.
Well,firstoff, you have to understand thatwhenyou're in the Games youonlygetone wish.
It's very costly.
You're alive.
Itcostsyourlife.
Ithinkit costs more than your life.
Howdoyoumean?
What's more than your life?
Imeanto murder innocent people, thatcostseverything that you are.
Yes.
Soyouholdon to that one wish.
Andthatnightmywish  was to save Katniss.
Yes.
Ishould've just run off with her earlierintheday  like she'd wanted.
Butyoudidn't.
Why?
Wereyoucaughtup in Beetee's plan?
No,I wascaughtup trying to play allies.
Andthentheyseparatedus andthat'swhenIlost her. 
Andthenthelightninghit andthewholeforcefield around the arena just blew out.
Yes,but,Peeta,
Katnissistheone  who blew it out.
No.
Yousawthefootage.
No,shedidn'tknow what she was doing.
Neitherofus knew therewasabiggerplan  going on. 
We had no idea.
Youhadno idea?
No.
Allright.
Well,Peeta, there are many who find this suspicious tosaytheleast.
Mmm-hmm.
Itseemsas though she was part of a rebel plan.
Doyouthink it was part of her plan tobealmostkilled by Johanna?
Orpartof theplan to be paralyzed by lightning?
No,wewerenot  part of any rebel plan.
Wehadno idea what was going on.
Allright.
Ibelieveyou,  Peeta Mellark. 
Thank you.
Yeah.
AndI wasgoing to ask you to speak about the unrest butI thinkyou might be too upset.
No,I can.
Areyousure?
Yeah, absolutely.
Thankyou.
Iwanteveryone who's watching to stop andtothinkabout what a civil war could mean.
Wealmostwentextinct once before.
Andnowournumbers are even fewer.
He's one of them.
Isthisreally what we wanna do?
He's a traitor.
Killourselvesoff?
Killingisnotthe answer.
I can't believe he's doing this.
Everyoneneedsto  lay down their weapons immediately.
Traitor!
He's not one of us!
This is treason!
Areyoucalling for a ceasefire?
Yeah.
I am.
You're a puppet!
Hang him!
Iwant everyone to stop thesenselessviolence.
Thisisnot the path to change.
Traitor!
It'snotthepath to justice.
There can't be a ceasefire.
Not after everything Snow's done.
He could have done a lot of damage tonight.
Most districts, people are still too afraid to join.
They need the courage.
Why do you think he said that?
I don't know.
Maybe he was forced.
He didn't look that bad.
Maybe he made some kind of deal to protect you.
He's still playing the game.
No! 
No! 
No!
I'm sorry.
It's just a nightmare.
That's okay.
I get 'em, too.
Peeta, will you stay with me?
Yeah.
Always.
Hey.
Can't sleep?
Tell me what's happening.
I'm good at keeping secrets.
Even from Mom.
No one hates the Capitol more than me.
And I wanna help.
But I just keep thinking, even if we win this war, what happens to Peeta?
I know he's not safe there, but he's definitely not safe here.
I don't think you know how important you are to them.
If you want something, you just have to ask.
You could demand almost anything.
They'd have to agree to it.
I should wake you up more often, Little Duck.
Get some sleep now.
You, too.
Thankyoufor agreeing to meet with me.
I've decided I'll be your Mockingjay.
But I have some conditions.
Peeta and the other Tributes,
Johanna Mason and Annie Cresta, will be rescued at the earliest opportunity.
If and when Peeta is liberated, he will receive a full and unconditional pardon.
No punishment will be inflicted.
And the same goes for the other Tributes.
No.
It's not their fault you abandoned them in the arena.
They're doing and saying whatever they can to survive.
Individuals don't make demands in 13.
There will be a tribunal.
And a fair judgment.
Thank you.
The Victors will be granted immunity.
And you will announce that in front of the entire population of 13.
You will hold yourself and your government responsible or you will find another Mockingjay.
That's it. 
That's her.
Right there.
Isn't that who I promised you?
She wears the costume.
Gunfire in the background.
A hint of smoke.
Our Mockingjay.
Madam President, we're losing ground, because the people are losing heart.
This is worth the risk.
She's worth the risk.
Pardons, tribunals.
Power of the people.
It can all be the bedrock of the new Panem, but, in wartime I think even the noblest of causes can be bent a little bit. 
Right?
Do you have any other conditions?
My sister gets to keep her cat.
Go away.
Is it visiting hours again?
Miss Trinket, you see this door.
It opens.
From the inside.
I've told you, these are the standard living quarters.
Same as everyone.
You're not a prisoner.
You're free to join the rest of 13.
Not looking like this.
Thank you very much.
We have a bigger issue than wardrobe, Miss Trinket.
Katniss has agreed to be The Mockingjay.
That poor thing.
And your Girl on Fire is burnt out.
I need you to join this team now.
I need someone she trusts.
What about Haymitch?
He's drying out in some facility a mile down.
Aiding rebels is not really my forte.
Miss Trinket, your days in the Capitol are over, no matter what happens here.
If you wanna play a prisoner of war, fine.
Stay here and rot.
I'll find someone else to be The Mockingjay's escort.
Who?
Anyone can be replaced.
Not your Mockingjay.
There isn't a soul in this dungeon who knows the first thing about Katniss.
You honestly believe one of these cave dwellers is going to take my place?
No.
Good afternoon.
Thank you for interrupting your schedules.
Theyhavealready been adjusted to compensate for the delay.
I hardly ever see children around here.
Please,checkin with your unit supervisors when you resume work.
A lot of them were lost in an epidemic a few years ago.
Ihavean announcement for the citizens of 13.
Coin lost her family, too.
Daughter and a husband.
Andourwelcome guests from 12.
Katniss Everdeen has consented to be the face of our cause to help unite the districts against the Capitol.
In exchange, I have promised several concessions.
First, we'll assess all opportunities for the extraction of the Victors held hostage in the Capitol.
Peeta Mellark,
Johanna Mason...
Finnick, I made the deal for Annie, too.
...and Annie Cresta.
Once freed, they will be granted full pardon for any and all crimes committed against the rebel cause.
Good.
That's good, Katniss.
If Katniss Everdeen fails to fulfill her duties the deal will be off.
Thank you for your attention.
Please, resume your daily schedules.
Madam President.
Effie Trinket.
Welcome to 13.
Madam President, may I say you are so very
- concise.
- Mmm.
You believe that there's more to be said?
May I speak freely?
You don't appear to do anything else.
I'm only talking about salesmanship.
The thing with revolutions, they're a tender flame.
They need to be nurtured with a little kindling and warmth.
Bit of oxygen.
Oxygen.
One sure way to put it out is to smother it.
Or to use up all the air in the room.
Excuse me.
You know what could use a revolution? 
That hair.
Effie?
Oh!
What are you doing here?
I'm a political refugee.
Plutarch rescued you?
Rescued, yes, that's what he calls it.
You and I were both in the dark.
Now I'm condemned to this life of jumpsuits.
It is wonderful to see you again.
Can you believe this place?
I miss coffee.
I never knew anyplace could be so strict.
I mean, I thought at least in the higher ranks there'd be some
side action.
I miss my wigs.
Luckily, I remembered that this was all the rage when I was coming up.
You know, everything old can be made new again.
Like democracy.
Which brings me to this.
Cinna.
He's dead, isn't he?
Yes, dear.
He made Plutarch promise not to show you this until you'd decided to be The Mockingjay on your own.
He knew the risks.
As we all do.
He believed in this revolution.
He believed in you.
They're beautiful.
They have it.
They have the Mockingjay outfit.
There's not much of a prep team here in 13 but we will make you
the best-dressed rebel in history.
Okay.
Bring up the lights.
Cinna's final touch.
Everyone's either gonna wanna kiss you, kill you, or be you.
Perfect.
Absolutelyperfect.
Okay. 
Let's bring up the setting.
Huh.
Littlewind.
Okay,Katniss, we'regonnastartyou  down on one knee.
Okay.
And as you rise up, you'regonnahold your flag in the air and deliver your line.
Andremember you'vejuststormed the outskirts of the Capitol arm-in-armwithyour brothers and sisters.
Okay.
Wheneveryou'reready.
People of Panem, we fight, we dare, we...
Doessheknowthe line?
I know it.
I got it. 
I'm sorry.
Okay, All right.
Let'sdoit again.
She's warming up.
Allright.
Withenergy.
Go.
People of Panem, we fight!
We dare to end this hunger for justice!
You'vejustbeeninbattle!
I'msorry.
Excuse my outburst.
You'vejustbeeninbattle.
Let's try it again.
Whenever you're ready.
People of Panem, we fight!
We dare to end this hunger for justice.
And that, my friends, is how a revolution dies.
Hello, Katniss.
This how you greet an old friend?
Maybe I don't recognize you sober.
I guess it looks as bad as it feels.
PeopleofPanem,wefight!
Wedare!
We endthis hunger for justice!
Uh, Madam President, indulge me for a moment, if you would.
Let's everybody think of one incident where Katniss Everdeen genuinely moved you.
Not where you were jealous of her hairstyle or her dress went up in flames or she made a halfway decent shot with an arrow.
And not where Peeta made you like her.
No, I'd like you all to think of one moment where she made you feel something real.
Oh.
When she volunteered for her sister at the Reaping.
Excellent example.
Okay.
I hope that wasn't important.
Uh... 
Okay.
"Volunteer for sister."
Good. 
What else?
Oh. 
When she sang that song for little Rue.
Oh, yeah.
Who didn't get choked up at that?
You know, I like you better, Effie, without all that makeup.
Well, I like you better sober.
When she chose Rue as an ally, as well.
Mmm, yes.
Now, what do all these have in common?
No one told her what to do.
Unscripted, yes.
So maybe we should just leave her alone.
And wash her face.
She's still a girl.
You made her look 35.
The opportunities for spontaneity are obviously lacking below ground.
So what you're suggesting is we toss her into combat?
I can't sanction putting an untrained civilian in battle just for effect.
This is not the Capitol.
That is exactly what I'm suggesting.
Put her in the field.
No, we can't protect her.
It has to come from her.
That's what people respond to.
You want a symbol for the revolution?
She cannot be coached into it.
Trust me, I know.
Maybe there's someplace that's less dangerous.
District 8.
They reported heavy bombing last week.
There are no military targets left.
We can't guarantee her safety.
You'll never be able to guarantee my safety.
I wanna go.
And if you're killed?
Make sure you get it on camera.
I've made you some surprises.
Maybe you wanna try one out.
If you're gonna be a part of Katniss' propo team, you may as well look the part.
And this one is for you.
Plutarch wanted you to have a weapon for the sake of the propos but I couldn't just make you a fashion accessory.
It's beautiful.
And look here.
Regular. 
Incendiary.
Explosive arrows.
All color-coded.
And tell Finnick
I've got a trident for him when he's ready.
Might just cheer him...
Cheer him up.
Uh...
Let's not fire the red ones in here.
You had all of this and you just left the districts to fend for themselves?
It's not that simple, Katniss.
We barely survived.
We weren't in any kind of shape to launch a counterattack.
Yeah, we could've bombed the Capitol but they would've retaliated with at least twice the firepower.
Then what?
There would've been nobody left to claim victory.
Sounds like exactly what Peeta said and then you all called him a traitor.
This way, soldier.
You are camera-ready.
Doesn't your comrade look handsome?
Let's go.
Come back safe.
Quick introductions, Katniss.
These people have come a long way to support the cause.
This is Cressida.
In my opinion one of the best up-and-coming directors in the Capitol.
Until I up and left. 
Hey.
Hey.
Let's see what you can do.
All right.
Be careful.
This is my assistant, Messalla.
It's an honor to meet you.
And your cameramen over there, Castor.
Hello.
And Pollux.
Let's get locked in.
You're all from the Capitol?
Plutarch got you out?
Don't expect much chitchat from him.
He's an Avox.
Capitol cut his tongue out years ago.
And, no, it wasn't any sort of rescue, if that's what you mean.
We all fled on our own.
For this.
For you.
This has gotta be fast. 
In and out.
Move out.
You're alive then.
We weren't sure.
Katniss, Commander Paylor, District 8.
Katniss has been recovering, but she insisted on coming out and seein' some of your wounded.
Well, we've got plenty of those.
We have a mass grave a few blocks west, but,
I can't spare the manpower to move them yet.
Hospital's past that curtain.
Any hope you can give them, it's worth it.
The Capitol's done everything they can to break us.
Aren't you worried about having all your wounded in one place?
I think it's better than leaving them to die.
That's not what I meant.
Well, that's my only other option.
You can come up with another, I'm all ears.
It's right through here.
Don't film me in there.
I can't help them.
Just let them see your face.
Huh?
Excuse me.
Yeah.
You all right?
It's okay.
Here, it's okay.
I've got you.
It's all right.
Katniss Everdeen?
What are you doing here?
I came to see you.
What about the baby?
I lost it.
Are you fighting, Katniss?
You here to fight with us?
I am.
I will.
Tighter.
Tighter, tighter.
Sir, some cameras were damaged in the bombings, but we confirmed it's her.
Zoom in.
She was visiting a makeshift hospital.
We're not sure if she's still there.
Hmm.
We can scramble hovercraft from the border of 11.
We may be able to target her.
Hmm.
Kill the wounded.
Sir...
You wrote that speech yourself, Egeria.
Any association with the Mockingjay symbol is forbidden.
Everyone inside that hospital has committed treason.
Show them what it costs to be friends with Katniss Everdeen.
Your mom's gonna be proud of you when she sees the footage.
Will this play in the districts?
It'll be tattooed on their eyes.
There's a problem.
What kinda problem?
Incoming bombers from the north.
We need to find cover now.
There's a bunker in there.
Straight ahead and down the stairs.
Katniss!
Katniss!
Everdeen!
Everdeen!
Gale, back away from the wall!
You okay?
Move!
They're going after something to the south.
That's towards the hospital.
They're circling back around. 
Come on!
That's the hospital.
They're targeting the hospital.
Help them!
Help them!
Get them out!
Katniss?
Katniss, can you tell everyone what you're seeing right now?
Katniss, what do you wanna say?
I want the rebels to know that I'm alive.
That I'm in District 8 where the Capitol just bombed a hospital filled with unarmed men, women and children.
And there will be no survivors.
If you think for one second that the Capitol will ever treat us fairly you are lying to yourselves.
Because we know who they are and what they do.
This is what they do!
And we must fight back.
I have a message for President Snow.
You can torture us and bomb us and burn our districts to the ground.
But do you see that?
Fire is catching.
And if we burn, you burn with us!
Weknowwhotheyare and what they do.
Thisiswhattheydo!
Andwemustfightback .
Youcantortureus and bomb us andburnourdistricts to the ground.
Plutarch's faith in you wasn't misplaced.
Butdoyousee that?
Thank you.
Fireiscatching.
Come up with me for the beginning.
Andifwe burn, you burn with us!
There is no progress without compromise.
No victory without sacrifice.
But I stand here with The Mockingjay to announce that our moment has arrived.
Beetee has increased our use of the airwaves tenfold.
We will broadcast this message to all the districts tonight.
The Mockingjay's words inspiring everyone to join the rebellion.
Together, we will become an alliance to be reckoned with.
Hoorah! 
Hoorah! 
Hoorah!
You don't like hearing a fight song at a funeral, huh?
The more people on our side, the closer we are to Peeta and Annie.
Yeah.
Byorderof PresidentSnow dailyproductionquotas have been increased.
Allworkshifts will be extended by an extra two hours.
Failuretomeetthesequotas will not be tolerated.
Byorderof PresidentSnow dailyproductionquotas have been increased.
If we burn, you burn with us!
Yeah!
Whoo!
Yeah!
I got good news.
What?
Coin agreed to let us hunt above ground.
He's not even afraid of us.
It's 'cause they've never been hunted before.
It's almost not fair.
They want us back.
They asked us to head for Command.
All right. 
I gotta drop these off.
Shewasarguably ourfavoriteTribute.
AndI thinkthat'swhat we all find most astonishing, isthatthisgirlwas adored in the Capitol.
AndI thinkforyou ,Peeta, itmustbe  particularly painful.
IwishIcouldgive  this rose to you, Katniss.
He's changed so much already.
What are they doing to him?
Asweetgesture for a girl who has inspired suchviolence.
Youmustloveher verymuch  to be able to forgive her.
He's shaking.
Idon'tthinkthatIcould .
Unless,ofcourse, Peeta, you think that perhaps she's being forcedintosaying thingsthatshe doesn't even understand.
Yeah.
That'sexactly what I think.
Even his voice is different.
Ithink they're using her towhipup therebels.
Idoubtsheevenknows what's happening.
Andwhat'sreallyatstake.
Now,Peeta, I doubt that the rebels willeverlether see this.
Butiftheydo,  what would you say to her?
ToKatnissEverdeen, theoncesweet Katniss Everdeen.
Iwouldtellher  to think for herself.
Yes.
Don'tbeafool,Katniss.
Iknowyounever wanted the rebellion.
Thethingsthat you did in the Games wereneverintended to start all of this.
Therebelshave made you into something thatyou'renot.
Somethingthatcould destroy all of us.
Soifyouhave any power or any say inwhattheydo or how they use you,
please,please, urge them to stop this war beforeit'stoolate.
Andaskyourself, canyoutrustthe people you're working with?
Doyouknowwhat they really want?
We need to respond.
Thankyou, Peeta Mellark, for these revelationsabout the real Mockingjay.
Did you see what he looks like?
I saw a coward.
You don't have any idea what he's going through.
I don't care.
I would never say what he just said.
Not if they tortured me.
Not with a gun to my head.
That is the same Peeta that defended you at the whipping post.
No, it's not.
Now he's only defending himself.
Coin's called a meeting.
We need to respond.
When did "we" become you and Coin?
Everyone has a choice.
How can he sit there in the Capitol and defend the people who destroyed his home and murdered his family?
He doesn't know.
How could he?
Nobody's seen what the Capitol did to 12.
I have to show them.
So I wanna start with you in front of the Justice Building, okay?
Bang. 
First shot.
Katniss, tell us what happened here.
We were all standin' right here
watching' the Games when you fired that arrow.
The screens just went dark.
Nobody had any idea what happened.
Peacekeepers forced us back into our homes.
For maybe an hour, the town was just dead quiet.
Little past 9:00, we heard their trucks pulling' out.
All of them.
Every single Peacekeeper.
And I knew what that meant.
Me and a couple of guys from the mines, we started pulling people from their houses and tried to get 'em to the fence line but a lotta people were scared of the forest.
So they headed up onto the road.
Make a break for it that way.
Stay with Gale.
915 of us made it to the fence.
Then we watched as bombers circled back towards the road.
They firebombed them as they ran away.
915 outta 10,000.
I should've grabbed people.
I should've dragged 'em with me.
Some of the kids I could've carried.
You saved so many people, Gale.
Without you, there would be no District 12.
Not even the memory of it.
This is where you kissed me.
I didn't think you remembered that.
I'd have to be dead to forget that.
Maybe not even then.
I knew you'd do that.
How? 
I didn't.
'Cause I'm in pain.
That's the only way that I can get your attention.
Don't worry, Katniss.
It'll pass.
Hey.
Yeah, that's a mockingjay.
Well, now they'll never shut up.
You want me to sing?
That line was originally "necklace of rope."
I had it changed to "necklace of hope."
Wow. 
You are a true wordsmith.
Little on the nose, but, of course, so is war.
Every district's seeing this?
Yes. 
But not the Capitol.
I designed this signal defense system for them.
But I can't find my way through it.
Guess I did my job too well.
At the time, I was just thinking of the science of it all.
We'll get through it.
Moves and countermoves.
Katniss, you're wanted in Command.
Tonight, we've received reports ofderailedtrains, ofgranarieson fire, andofasavageattack on the hydroelectric dam in District 5.
Oh, what have they done to you?
I'mbeggingforrestraint and decency.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled horse manure to bring you...
That's it.
That's our footage.
Beetee's in.
Katniss?
He sees it.
He sees our propo.
Katniss,areyouthere?
Peeta.
Katniss?
Peeta, please continue.
Youweretellingusabout thesesavageattacks.
Yeah.
Theattackon thedam  was a callous andinhumanact of destruction...
Thinkaboutit .
Howwillthisend ?
What will be left?
Noonecansurvivethis .
Nooneis safenow .
Notherein theCapitol.
Notinanyofthedistricts.
They'recoming,Katniss.
They'regonnakilleveryone.
AndinDistrict13 you'll be dead by morning.
He's warning us.
That was a warning.
Yes, it was.
We have to get him out before they kill him.
Is there anything in the air?
Nothing on Doppler, ma'am.
He was in the mansion.
He could have overheard something.
Possibly.
It's time for an air raid drill.
Thisisacoderedalert .
Please,remaincalm andbegin evacuation protocol.
Prim! 
Prim!
Proceedtoyour nearest stairwell anddescendto level40. 
Blastdoorswillbe sealed in six minutes.
Thisisacoderedalert .
Please,remaincalm andbegin evacuation protocol.
Proceedinan orderlyfashion to your nearest stairwell anddescendto level40. 
Madam President, three Capitol squadrons just entered our airspace.
How much time do we have?
They're a few seconds from range.
Prepare to scramble the fleet.
Copy that.
Open up short-range air defense.
Arm long-range missiles for counterattack.
Blastdoorswillbe sealed in five minutes.
Thisisacoderedalert .
Please,remaincalm andbegin evacuation protocol.
Proceed in an orderly fashion toyourneareststairwell anddescendto level40. 
Blastdoorswillclose in four minutes.
Thisisacoderedalert .
Please,remaincalm andbegin evacuation protocol.
Proceed in an orderly fashion toyourneareststairwell anddescendto level40. 
Blastdoorswillclose in three minutes.
Thisisacoderedalert .
Proceed in an orderly fashion toyourneareststairwell anddescendto level40. 
Continueto the Supply Station and claim one pack foreachmember of your compartment.
Pleasekeep all personal items within your assigned area.
Becourteousto  your fellow citizens.
Thisisacoderedalert .
Allcitizensshouldbe inside the bunker.
Blastdoorswillclose in two minutes.
Mom!
Where's Prim?
I thought she went to find you.
She must still be on the stairs.
There's no one on the stairs.
She went back for the cat.
Thisisacoderedalert .
Allcitizensshouldbe inside the bunker.
Hey, stop! 
Stop!
Blastdoorswillclose in one minute.
They hit the far edge of the northwest quadrant.
Penetrated 40 feet.
Missed the living quarters.
Only minor damage to corridors 2 and 3.
Is there any radiation?
None detected.
Doppler shows a fourth wave approaching.
Blastdoorswillclose in 30 seconds.
Prim!
Prim!
Katniss!
Thisisacoderedalert .
Katniss!
Blastdoorswillclose in 15 seconds.
Get down here!
Hurry!
This is a code red alert.
Blastdoorswillclose in 10 seconds.
Nine...
Eight...
Seven...
Six...
- Five...
- Hold the doors!
Four...
Three...
Two...
Wait!
Hold the doors!
One.
You went back for the cat?
What were you thinking?
I wasn't gonna leave him behind.
I couldn't live with myself.
Blastdoorsarenow sealed.
I know, Prim.
Let's go.
Damage to the aquifer in the northwest quadrant.
We lost a transport corridor.
There's nothing else in the northwest.
Our surface-to-air launchers just took a direct hit in sector 3.
Because we revealed ourselves.
They saw us firing there.
Stand down.
Don't launch the fleet.
Another 12 Capitol bombers approaching sector 3 in attack formation.
Hold fire on their approach.
Oh.
What'd they hit?
Bedrock.
But there's debris in the ventilation shaft.
They're not targeting our fleet.
Or our Special Weaponry.
They don't know what we have or where we have it.
Can you confirm that everyone's safely in the bunker?
Already done.
Conceal all remaining anti-aircraft guns.
Seal launching pads and ventilation corridors.
We are gonna wait this out.
This is what we're built for.
They'll seal us in here like a tomb.
The Capitol's working off some outdated information.
I'd rather not update it for them.
Madam President, I know it's not my place...
It's not.
You're a welcome guest, but you're out of your depth down here.
Reduce oxygen to 14% to conserve it.
Copy that.
Take a deep breath, Mr. Heavensbee.
It's gonna be a long night.
Prim, talk about something. 
Anything.
They promoted me at the hospital.
I forgot to tell you.
They're training me to be a doctor.
They'd be stupid not to.
Hey.
Can I sit?
Yeah.
Snow's using Annie to punish you.
He's taunting us with them.
I didn't understand until just now watching that stupid cat.
After your first Games,
I thought the whole romance was an act.
We all expected you to continue that strategy.
But it wasn't until Peeta's heart stopped and he nearly died that
I knew I'd misjudged you.
You love him.
I'm not saying in what way.
Maybe you don't even know yourself.
But anyone paying attention can see it.
How do you live with it?
I drag myself outta nightmares and there's no relief in waking up.
But it's better not to give in to it.
Takes 10 times longer to put yourself back together than it does to fall apart.
Katniss? 
Katniss?
Come with me.
We took their best shot.
Didn't we?
Yeah.
Your mother and sister okay?
Yeah, they're fine.
I need you to do something for us.
I need you to tell Panem that we survived an attack by the Capitol with no casualties.
And we remain fully operational.
Okay.
You should know something.
We had eight extra minutes of civilian evacuation because of Peeta's warning.
I won't forget that.
Thank you.
So Katniss, it's "13 is alive and well and so am I."
Katniss?
Katniss.
Never one to waste it in rehearsal, I know.
Why would they drop these?
For me.
Ready to go, Katniss?
We're gonna do this, just like District 8.
Tell me about the roses.
Tell Snow 13 is alive and well.
He's gonna kill Peeta.
Let's try again.
Can you speak up?
We don't have a mic on you.
"13 is alive and well and so am I."
He's gonna kill Peeta.
I can't.
Katniss?
You can do it, Katniss.
I can't do this.
"13 is alive and well and so am I."
He's just gonna keep...
He's never gonna stop.
Cressida, we should cut the cameras.
...as long as I'm The Mockingjay.
It's okay, Katniss.
No. 
He warned me.
He warned me about this.
He's doing this because I'm The Mockingjay.
He's punishing Peeta to punish me.
No.
No, I can't do this.
Katniss.
Don't make me do this!
Let her go.
I gotta get out of here.
So this is the end, huh?
I s'pose you're just gonna hide down here forever?
I can't be The Mockingjay.
Not The Mockingjay.
Just Katniss.
You know, you're the only real friend I have down here.
I don't suppose they gave you any kind of medication?
You're unbelievable.
Okay, but I meant what I said.
Look, the reason I'm here is to let you know they're rescuing Peeta.
What?
The dam went down in District 5, took out most of the power to the Capitol.
Knocked out their signal defense.
Beetee's inside their system now, wreaking all kinds of havoc.
A window is open to us.
How much longer?
I don't know.
I guess until the Capitol can get the power back on.
And President Coin?
You know, I can never fully support that woman in light of the prohibition they have going on around this place, but Plutarch got word that Peeta and the others are in the Tribute Center.
And with the power out,
Coin sees this as an opportunity.
She knows that Peeta is the Capitol's weapon.
The same way you're ours.
And as opposed to having you two pointing at each other, she's going to get him.
I have to go help.
Hey, hey, whoa, kiddo. 
Wait.
Come on. 
What, are you just gonna jump outta the vent and go storm the Capitol?
Besides, it's already underway.
Six soldiers went in.
Volunteer only.
And guess who was the first brave soul to sign up.
Gale.
Okay, Finnick?
Yeah. 
Yeah.
Go in the center there.
Those rocks.
Castor, to left.
Pollux, you're with me.
So we'll go straight to camera.
Okay? 
Finnick?
Yeah.
Okay.
Take your time.
Just remember to keep talking and don't stop.
Winner of the 65th Hunger Games.
AndI 'mcomingto you from District 13, alive and well.
We'vesurvivedan assault from the Capitol.
ButI 'mnothere to give you recent news.
Why is Finnick doing a propo?
It's a lot more than that.
Beetee's commandeered the system.
Now that they're down to generator power there's a more limited range of frequencies available to them.
And I'm filling them all up with Finnick.
Not many will see it, but whoever does will think it's another propo.
What they don't know is this broadcast is jamming their entire system with noise.
Early defense warning, internal communications, everything.
As long as the broadcast goes through, our team should be able to get in and out undetected.
Thetruth.
Not the myths about a life of luxury.
Notthelieaboutglory for your homeland.
Youcansurvivethe arena.
Themomentyouleave, you're a slave.
MockingjayOne, Mockingjay One, youareoneminuteout from perimeter defense.
Going dark.
PresidentSnow used to sell me.
Ormybody,atleast.
I wasn't the only one.
Ifa Victor is considered desirable, thePresidentgivesthem as a reward or allows people to buy them.
Ifyourefuse, he kills someone you love.
Mockingjay One, you are 20 seconds from perimeter defense.
Ten seconds.
Nine... 
Eight...
Seven...
Six...
Five...
Four...
Three...
Two...
One.
Noresponse from perimeter defense.
We'reinside Capitol airspace.
Tomake themselves feel better, mypatronswould make presents of money or jewelry.
ButI foundamuchmore  valuable form of payment.
Secrets.
Gear up.
Switching to Night View.
There.
Command, we have visual on the Tribute Center.
Initiatingfinalapproach.
Masks on.
See,I know all the depravity, thedeceitandthe cruelty oftheCapitol's pampered elite.
Butthebiggest secrets are about ourgoodPresident, Coriolanus Snow.
Open the door.
Command, this is Team Leader.
Preparetodeploygas .
We will confirm once inside.
Sucha youngman when he rose to power.
Sucha cleverone to keep it.
How,youmayask , did he do it?
Oneword.
Poison.
Get ready to drop.
Hestopped every mutiny before it even started.
Clear.
Clear.
Command, we're inside.
Heading toward target number one.
Cell P45 lower level 2C.
Gas.
Thereare so many mysterious deaths toadversaries.
Eventoallies who were threats.
Snowwoulddrink from the same cup, todeflectsuspicion.
Butantidotes don't always work, whichiswhyhewears roses that reek of perfume.
Helpcoverthescent of blood from sores inhismouth that will never heal.
Gale.
Buthecan't hide the scent of who he really is.
Hekillswithoutmercy.
Heruleswith deception and fear.
Hisweaponof choice istheonlything suited to such a man.
Poison.
Theperfectweapon for a snake.
Whatisthisplace?
Beetee?
I'm losing them.
Powering back up.
Ma'am, the Capitol air defense system is rebooting.
It's coming back online.
Must be diverting power from another source.
And filtering transmissions.
Another 60 seconds and we'll be cut off.
Madam President, should we call back the hovercraft?
Broadcast me.
If Snow's watching this, maybe he'll let the signal in, if he sees me.
Put me on the air so he can see me.
Yes. 
Yes.
Put her on.
Can we do this?
Can we still get in?
Yes.
For the moment.
The line's open.
He will only see you.
Okay, Katniss, go.
President Snow?
President Snow.
It's Katniss.
There's no guarantee he's even watching.
I know, but he might be.
President Snow, I need to speak with you.
Are you there?
President Snow, it's Katniss.
Can you hear me?
I need to speak with you.
President Snow, it's Katniss.
President Snow, are you there?
Can you hear me?
President Snow...
- Miss Everdeen.
- What an honor.
Idon'timagine you're calling tothankme forthe roses.
I never asked for this.
I never asked to be in the Games.
Boggs?
Come in. 
Boggs?
I never asked to be The Mockingjay.
Just wanted to save my sister.
And keep Peeta alive.
Come in. 
Boggs?
Please, just let him go.
And I will stop being The Mockingjay.
I will disappear.
You will never have to see me ever again.
MissEverdeen.
Boggs, come in.
Youcouldn't run from this...
Copy.
...anymorethan you could have run from the Games.
Command, I need a situation report.
Boggs, we're running out of time.
Hurry.
Let's move.
Please.
You've won.
You'vealreadybeatenme. 
Release Peeta.
And take me instead.
We'relongpast the opportunity fornoblesacrifice.
Then tell me what to do.
I'vealwayskept my promises, haven't I?
Yousaid you didn't want a war.
Andthat'sjust what's happened.
Itoldyouwhatafragile thing peace was.
Andstill,likeachild, youtookpleasure in breaking it.
Iknowwhatyou are .
Iknowyoucan 'tsee  past your narrowest concerns.
Butplease,MissEverdeen.
Idoubtyouknow what honesty is anymore.
Command, we're at the first target.
Preparing to extract Peeta.
Will confirm when he's in hand.
Mockingjay One, prepare hovercraft for evac.
You asked me to convince you that I was in love with Peeta.
Haven't I at least done that?
MissEverdeen, it'sthethings we love most thatdestroyus .
Iwantyoutoremember that I said that.
Don'tyouthinkIknow  yourfriends are in the Tribute Center?
Cutthemoff.
- What happened?
- Boggs, come in.
What happened?
Boggs, come in.
Do you read me?
He knows that they're in there.
It's a trap.
Katniss, hold it.
We have to get a hold of them.
We have to tell them to get out. 
He knows.
There's no signal.
We can't contact them.
No. 
Haymitch, he knew the whole time.
He was taunting me.
No, Haymitch.
They're in there.
No, we don't know that.
Did I lose them both tonight?
Did I lose them both tonight?
Did I lose them both tonight?
Shh.
Did I lose them?
I lost them both.
No! 
No!
There's no news.
I'm sorry.
It's the worst torture in the world.
Waiting, when you know there's nothing you can do.
Especially for people like us.
But whatever strength, courage, madness,
keeps us going, you find it, at times like these.
You have it, soldier.
It's what's kept you alive all this time.
And it won't fail you now.
They're back.
I don't want that.
Johanna.
Finnick!
Finnick!
Annie? 
Annie!
You're safe.
You're safe.
Gale!
Are you okay?
What? 
What is it?
I don't get it.
Every gun was back online and on us and we flew right past them.
They let us go.
He's in there.
Gas we used on the guards knocked him out, too, but it's wearing off now.
You should be there when he wakes up.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Peeta.
Peeta!
Peeta! 
Get off!
Get off of her!
Let go!
No, Katniss.
No, you're swollen.
Don't touch.
No, no, no. 
Calm down.
Calm down.
You're okay.
Tell her she's awake.
Don't try to talk.
Peeta's okay.
I promise.
I just had to get him off you.
It's called hijacking.
We don't know how long the Capitol's been doing this to Peeta.
It's fear conditioning.
Enhanced with tracker jacker venom.
You were stung your first Games.
Remember?
The venom puts the subject in a dissociative state.
And they torture him.
With shocks and beatings, and strip down his identity.
And then all of that suffering and fear is redirected.
Associated with other memories or a person.
They can change his memories of Katniss?
To make her seem life-threatening.
They turned him into a weapon, Katniss.
To kill you.
But you can reverse it?
The fear is the most difficult thing to overcome.
We're hardwired to remember fear best.
It's new terrain.
But we've put together a team.
I'm optimistic.
Good evening.
Yesterday, I authorized a covert rescue mission inside the Capitol.
I am pleased to announce that the Victors have been liberated!
Letthisdaymark an historic change.
WithTheMockingjay and the Victors beside us, wehavesentaclear message to the Capitol.
That we will never again endure injustice.
Today, a day on which we reunited family, friends, and loved ones.
Letallof Panem come together.
Nottobattle for the amusement of the Capitol.
Buttojoinhands in this fight.
Let today be the day we promise never to give up, never to give in until we have made a new Panem, where leaders are elected, not imposed upon us.
And where the districts are free to share the fruits of their labors and not fight one another for scraps!
This new Panem is on the horizon.
But we must take it for ourselves.
Theroadthere leads through the sharp mountains anddeepravines of District 2.
Thereintheheart ofPanem'ssteepest mountain range lies the Capitol's principal military facility.
Wecanconquer this stronghold because we are one people, one army, one voice.
Becausetoday is our new beginning.
Today we have freed the Victors.
Tomorrow, Panem!
Hoorah! 
Hoorah! 
Hoorah!

Missing something!
I'll save you, Frankie!
Neighthan!
I'm okay!
When we get back to the others, can we skip telling them that last part?
My hero.
Whoa!
Hey, look over here!
Look over here! 
Whoa! 
Whoa!
Look at this!
Sirena! 
Be careful!
Avia! 
Bonita!
- Looks like you two could use a lift.
- Hang on, Frankie!
Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking.
Who's that voltageously cute zombie-unicorn guy, and could he be any more adorbs?
That or you're wondering about the big scary creature.
Either way, I'll bet I've sparked your attention.
This is a story about family.
There are lots of different types of families.
And they can sometimes be found in pretty unexpected places.
But, hey, I'm getting ahead of myself.
Let's tell the story from the beginning.
Oh, right! 
The opening titles!
We are monsters We are proud
We are monsters Say it loud
Don't stop rocking your right to fright
We are Monster High
We are monsters We are proud
We are monsters, say it loud We are Monster High
We are monsters We are proud
We are monsters, say it loud We are Monster High
It all started on the 200th anniversary of the opening of Monster High, the bite-centennial celebration.
It was a really big deal.
Ugh, I guess this bite-centennial celebration is a really big deal.
Ugh! 
You ghouls smell that?
It's like cheap cologne.
Ahem.
Did I say cheap?
I meant cheerfully applied by our favorite invisible drama teacher, who loves giving us A's?
Smooth, Clawdeen. 
Very smooth.
Are we ready for this evening's scaritage performance, ladies?
Ready? 
Why, we're practically bursting at the seams.
I know how you feel.
The whole school is howling with anticipation for the info-tainment event of the century,
"The History of Monster High.
"A Bite-centennial Celebration of Exceptional Acceptance."
A Mr. Where production.
Trademark pending.
Do not be late for the rehearsal this afternoon.
We won't.
Okay, seriously?
That cologne smells worse than a zombie's gym bag.
- Huh?
- No offense, Ghoulia.
What's with the new kids?
You ghouls haven't met the new transfer students yet?
They're Hybrid Monsters.
You mean they're like two different monsters in one?
Exactly. 
They each have more than one scaritage.
Two different monsters?
Shouldn't they have to make up their minds?
Cleo, you can't even make up your mind when you pick an outfit for school.
You know, I've heard this isn't the first time they've changed schools.
I guess being a Hybrid makes it hard to fit in.
They don't look very friendly.
Cleo, you don't look very friendly.
Oh, my ghoul, Frankie!
- Embarrassing.
- Hey.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I don't know what happened. 
I just...
I'm Frankie.
And now would be the part where you tell me your name.
I'm...
Neighthan. 
His name is Neighthan.
Come on, Neighthan, let's go.
Oh, welcome to Monster High, Neighthan.
I think you and your Hybrid friends are really going to like it here.
Yeah. 
Sure.
Come on, Neighthan. 
Time to go.
Told you they didn't seem very friendly.
I gotta go. 
Bye, Frankie.
Sign.
Bye.
...which finally brings us to the most important branch of the de Nile family tree.
Next slide.
Me!
So, in conclusion, because my family has more pharaohs and queens than anyone else's, my scaritage project should win first prize.
The scaritage report is an assignment. 
Not a competition.
Well, just so long as we're all in agreement that if this were a competition, I'd win.
Robecca Steam, your turn.
This is my father,
Hexiciah Steam.
He was a brilliant mechanic, a revolutionary inventor, and a teacher here at Monster High.
I was well acquainted with Professor Steam.
Here we go again.
I was his favorite student.
And who could blame him?
My father had a workshop down in the catacombs where they say he invented something new every single day.
And one day, he invented me.
Favorite student. 
Right here.
And this belongs to my father.
I don't really know what it is.
Father went missing over 100 years ago, so I've kept this to remember him by.
Every time I look at it, it reminds me how grateful I am that
Hexiciah Steam discovered the secret to creating life, to creating me.
Very good, Robecca.
And now, Frankie Stein.
Me? 
Okay.
Um...
So, um, my grandfather was Victor Frankenstein, and he built my dad, and...
That's all I know. 
Thank you.
That's it?
I think Grandpa went to Monster High.
Oh! 
Oh...
And I have these.
The blueprints for making me.
And the photo album?
Oh, um...
Just a bunch of ripped out pages.
And that's all I got.
Frankie Stein,
I am most disappointed with this report.
You are completely unprepared.
But my mom and dad won't tell me about my...
When I was a student here at Monster High, I was always prepared.
It's like Professor Steam used to say, "If you're always prepared..."
"You'll never be scared."
Correct.
Frankie Stein, you are to redo the assignment and present it again first thing tomorrow.
Next, Abbey Bominable.
Family history starts with ice age.
Fasten seat belts.
This could take a while.
Could somebody pass the Dead Sea salt?
- I've got it.
- Here you go.
- After you.
- Sorry about that.
- If you insist.
- All right then.
- Oh, no, my fault.
- Sorry about that.
Oh, for dying out loud.
Don't fret, love.
A bad grade on your project isn't the end of the world.
No, it's not that, Lagoona.
It's just, you ghouls all seem to know so much about your scaritage.
But I don't know anything about mine.
Can you not speak to your father about your family?
My parents won't talk about my grandfather.
And anytime I ask, my dad just gets into one of his moods and is all...
"Grandpa bad!"
Oh.
Too cold.
Allow me.
Much better.
Hey, guys! 
Wanna join us?
Yeah, that would be...
Unnecessary, because we've already got a table. 
Thanks.
Rude much? 
No wonder they got kicked out of eight different schools.
You know, I wish there was some way we could find my father's workshop in the catacombs.
He used to keep a journal about everything.
If your grandfather was a student at Monster High,
I'm sure he'd have written about him.
You don't remember where it is?
If I really fire on all cylinders,
I think I might be able to find it.
Well, what are we waiting for?
Let's go find that journal.
Uh, Venus, you know I don't do salad.
Meow. 
What's this I hear about a mystery trip to the catacombs?
I'm so there. 
Scooch.
Hello, this is my space.
And why would you want to come with us to the catacombs, Toralei?
What? 
I'm a curious kitty.
Now let's go find that...
Whatever it is we're finding.
All right, loverghoul, let's go.
I don't know why we couldn't sit with them.
Those ghouls seemed nice.
Neighthan, don't be naive.
Regular monsters don't want anything to do with us Hybrids.
You know how it works.
We change schools, get pushed around for a few weeks, then it's off to find another school.
This place will be no different.
Come on, Avia.
Monster High is supposed to be different than those other schools.
They say everyone is welcome.
Even if they have a freaky flaw.
Yeah, flaw, not flaws.
They don't understand what it's like to have two. 
Right, Sirena?
Sirena!
Huh? 
Oh.
Yes. 
I agree with all of you.
You got distracted again.
No, I just...
Oh, hey...
Are you going to finish those?
- Please, after you.
- You first.
- If you insist.
- Why, thank you.
- Toralei, move over!
- I like this spot!
Move over!
- Scooch.
- Move over.
Move!
Brace yourself, it's a bumpy ride.
I'm pretty sure it was down...
This way.
It's so dark down here.
Can anybody see anything?
I've got this.
No, worries. 
I've got this.
Looks like we have a hidden passage down under.
This is it.
Ghouls, I give you the workshop of Hexiciah Steam!
I didn't expect it to be so bottomless-pitty.
I don't understand.
It should be right here.
All those in favor of not opening the scary clock door again, say eyeball.
Eyeball!
I don't get it.
It's just a model.
It's about time?
She's right. 
It's about time we got out of here.
Wow!
It's about time!
A security lock based on a clock system.
Oh, that is so my dad.
Okay, everybody spread out and look for that journal.
Uh, but remember, don't touch anything.
Why's everyone looking at me?
Okay! 
Don't touch anything, got it!
Oh, my Ra!
Why didn't anybody tell me my headband was crooked?
Hey, what you doing?
Toralei!
Meow.
Ghouls, I found the journal!
Does it say anything about my grandfather?
"October 5th, 1814.
"Victor Frankenstein is one of the brightest and most promising students"
"I have ever had the pleasure to educate."
That's him! 
You found my grandfather!
- What else does it say?
- Let's see.
Hmm. "Unfortunately, there's another side to Victor.
"A dangerous inner personality
"that recklessly disregards the spectacular mysteries of life
"in pursuit of his scientific ambitions.
"I fear this may be young Victor's undoing."
Wow...
I wonder if that's why my parents don't talk about him.
Hey! 
I wasn't done with that.
Uh...
That's different.
- Toralei!
- Okay.
Now I get why you all looked at me when you said, "Don't touch anything."
Uh-oh!
Whoa...
Oh.
Somebody wanna tell me what just happened?
Ugh, I'll tell you what happened.
Toralei touched something.
Mmm.
Something's different.
Does this workshop look cleaner to you ghouls?
Draculaura's right.
Something is different.
Isn't it obvious?
Robecca's dad invented some kind of a cleaner-upper machine.
You ghouls should be thanking me for sprucing up this dump.
Whatever that was,
I feel it would be wise for us to leave before something else happens.
Jinafire's right.
We should get back up to the school or we're gonna miss Mr. Where's rehearsal.
Oh...
It looks like Monster High is under construction.
1814?
So that means Hexiciah Steam built a...
Time teleporter.
No way!
If this is the year 1814, then that means I can go meet my grandfather!
I agree. 
We cannot risk interactions with past events.
Our presence here could change the entire course of monster history.
Oh. 
I guess you're right.
Ghoulia, how long until we can open the workshop door again?
Then it's settled. 
We wait one hour for the workshop door to reopen and we go back to...
Where's Toralei?
Oh, no. 
Look.
That kitty really rankles my bandages.
We've got to find her before she causes any more trouble.
This is so bad!
Don't worry, Draculaura.
We'll find Toralei.
Not that.
There's no iCoffin reception in 1814.
Why is everybody staring at us?
It's 1814.
They've never seen fashion styles like ours before.
It's a Ghost-ier original and it's magnificent. 
Move along.
The sooner we find Toralei and get back to our own time, the better.
We should split up.
We'll find her faster that way.
And remember, try not to talk to anybody.
Toralei has got to be around here somewhere.
All right, class.
Settle down. 
Settle down.
That's Hexiciah Steam. 
Robecca's dad.
Sorry, I'm late again, Professor Steam!
Oh, my ghoul! 
That's...
Mr. Rotter!
Just take your seat.
Come on. 
Let's just stay for a bit.
I trust you're prepared to deliver your scaritage report?
I am not, sir.
A little preparation would go along way toward succeeding in my class, Mr. Rotter.
You see, if you're always prepared...
You'll never be scared!
Yes. 
Yes, indeed!
Very good. 
I like that.
I can't believe Robecca is missing this. 
I wish I could text her.
Now then, since Mr. Rotter is not prepared, would somebody else care to share something about their scaritage?
No fear. 
I've got this.
All right then, Sparky, you're next.
Hey, check out mad scientist boy.
Class, Professor Steam, I do not have a scaritage.
For, you see, I am an orphan.
So because I don't have a family, I made one!
Yes! 
I have created life!
Feast your eyes upon Ancestral-bot 3.5 and 3.7.
Eh... 
Don't ask about 3.6.
He turned out to be a few electrons short of a carbon molecule, if you know what I mean.
Not to worry. 
Just a little setback.
Maybe the normie student exchange program wasn't such a good idea.
Think we can send him back?
Stop laughing at me!
I can get it right. 
I know it.
I'm just missing something!
Some part. 
Some ingredient!
You're right. 
You are missing something.
You tried to create life using this.
But you left out this.
Uh, you mean guts and organs and stuff?
No, I used plenty of those. 
Look.
No, no, no.
What I'm talking about isn't a physical part, lad.
Not some tangible ingredient.
Creating life requires something more.
Something of one's self. 
A spark.
Ah...
No, you lost me.
Hmm. 
There are two sides to every single one of us.
There's this physical nonsense of skin and bones.
And in some cases, copper and steam whistles.
But there's also something deep down that we can't see or touch.
Maybe it's emotion. 
Maybe it's love.
I don't really know.
But what I do know is that you cannot simply brute force the science to cater to your every whim.
If you're not careful, the consequences could be catastrophic.
But it is possible. 
Somebody made me.
"Sparks"? "Love"?
That doesn't make any sense.
I will figure out how to create life. 
I will make it work.
And then, I'll be the one laughing at all of you!
Get it off! 
Get it off!
Why don't we continue this discussion after class?
Come find me in my workshop.
Class dismissed!
I will create life!
I'll show all of you!
Poor Sparky.
Professor Steam, will any of that be on the final exam?
Trying to, you know, be prepared.
Mr. Rotter, you are far and away my least favorite student.
Uh...
Sparky?
What do you want?
Here to make fun of me, too?
No, no, I just...
I don't know. 
Wanted to tell you that I understand how you feel.
What, you're an orphan, too?
No. 
But I understand what it's like to not know about your scaritage.
It makes you feel lost.
And sad.
But you're lucky you get to go to a school like Monster High, where everybody can be like your family.
Family?
Those nitwits aren't fit to be in my family.
Which is why I'm going to create one.
If I can just figure out how.
Here.
How? 
How can you do that?
Well, because I was created.
And my father was, too. 
In a lab.
It is possible!
I knew it!
- But how?
- I don't know.
I guess my grandfather somehow figured out that missing spark that Professor Steam was talking about.
You have to tell me how it's done!
Who is your grandfather?
What is the secret?
What am I missing?
I shouldn't have said anything.
I'm sorry, I have to go!
Hey, Frankie, look who we found.
You know, one day we're gonna look back on this and laugh.
You really did it this time, mate.
Your little stunt nearly caused us a lot of trouble.
Oh, since when has a little curiosity caused any trouble?
Oh, right.
The whole "accidently sending us back in time" thing.
Yeah, that was my bad.
He built this Recharge Chamber.
Said it would give him a boost of energy when he was inventing things.
That's our ride. 
You ghouls coming?
Just try and stop me.
If I don't get my eyes on a celebrity blog soon, I'm gonna go batty.
"Hi, Dad. 
I miss you.
Love, your daughter."
After you.
No, please, you first.
I insist.
Are we really doing this again?
Wait! 
You can't leave yet!
You have to show me how to create life!
Friend of yours?
Sparky, you shouldn't be here.
You have to help me!
I need to create my family.
Ghoulia's right. 
Frankie, we have to go!
Sparky, I have to go back to where I belong.
Take me with you!
Oops.
Jinafire, let's go!
In we go, calico.
After you!
Come on, ghoulfriend!
You're just going to leave without helping me?
I'm sorry, Sparky.
But I've got a feeling you're gonna create something wonderful here at Monster High.
Just a few more adjustments on my Steam-a-tronic Key Timer and...
I say, what's all this?
Hmm.
"Love, your daughter"?
But I don't have a...
Oh, construct a daughter!
Now there's a challenge!
Hang on...
No! 
No!
Ghoulia, you okay?
Good. 
Everybody else?
- I'm all right.
- Me, too.
Oh!
Draculaura! 
Robecca!
You've been fused together!
Oh, my ghoul.
They're not the only ones.
O-M-Ra!
Crikey!
What's going on?
Oh, this is so freaky.
Um, Ghoulia, I think we may have a problem.
How did this happen?
It's like, we're Fusions!
I don't understand.
Am I still Lagoona?
Or am I Jinafire?
I can smell everything!
Welcome to the wonderful world of werewolf noses.
Of all the ghouls I could have been fused with,
I end up with Toralei?
Just lucky, I guess.
Ow!
Cut it out!
I am still the queen of this body!
You're just visiting!
Everybody! 
Everybody, calm down!
We can figure this out.
That time teleporter got us into this.
I'm sure it can get us out.
Somebody's just gonna have to fix it.
You got this, little Miss Ghoulia.
- We appreciate it.
- You're the best, Ghoulia!
So, what do we do in the meantime?
Well, there's no sense in waiting around down here watching Ghoulia work.
Should we go back upstairs for the rehearsal?
Sure, but what are we gonna tell Mr. Where when he asks us how we got this way?
We can't tell anybody about the time teleporter.
Your Mad Science class assignment was to fuse yourselves together?
Works for me.
Okay, places people. 
Places!
This play isn't going to rehearse itself.
Did our going back in time somehow make his stink cologne get worse?
Ooh, can I have my old nose back now?
Today is the day we travel back in time!
You have no idea.
And action!
For 200 years, our great school has stood as a shining example of monster unity.
All monsters, the big, the small, the hairy, all are welcome to join our freaky family.
There! 
See? 
I told you Monster High is different.
Come with us now as we take a look back at Monster High, a History of Exceptional Acceptance.
Welcome to 1814.
Oh, who's that I see coming this way?
Why, it's none other than Monster High's own headless Headmistress Bloodgood!
Welcome, monsters, one and all!
Well, not bad.
I declare Monster High officially open.
May her walls ever stand as a beacon of hope and acceptance for all monster kind.
Oh, yeah, and sorry about that cheap cologne smell!
That would be our teacher, Mr. Where!
Will you cut it out?
What? 
I don't know what you're talking about.
This is hardly the time or the place.
As I was saying, it is my dream that these doors...
Whoa!
Ow! 
Stop it, Toralei.
...remain open to all.
All right, Toralei!
You wanna go? 
Let's go.
Get out of me!
Everybody remembers the great Zombie Migration of 1845, when the first zombies arrived on our haunted shores.
- Groan. 
I'm a zombie, I guess.
- Ditto.
Gentle zombies, bring us your tired, your undead, your sluggish masses yearning to...
- Shuffle away, dude!
- Shuffling! 
I'm shuffling!
Every monster is welcome at Monster High.
Every monster is family at Monster High.
And every monster is, uh...
Every monster is...
Get out of me!
Cut it out! 
No! 
You cut it out!
Sorry!
Um, and that, as they say, is history.
These ghouls need some serious help.
They're making me a nervous wreck!
All right. 
Good. 
I just have a couple of notes.
It's time! 
Go on, talk to her.
I don't know.
Um...
Hey.
Hey, Neighthan.
That was some rehearsal back there.
Oh. 
You saw, huh?
Your friends gave some fiery performances.
So, what happened?
Oh, well, I'm not sure.
It's a long story.
They've all turned into, well, Fusions.
And with two ghouls trying to operate one body at the same time, they're having a lot of trouble keeping control of their powers.
I'm really worried they might get hurt.
You must really care about them.
Yeah. 
So much. 
And the thought of them in trouble,
I just get so emotional!
What was that?
I'm not sure. 
That happens sometimes. 
I'm sorry.
So, did you ghouls really mean all that stuff you said on stage?
About Monster High being like a family?
Yeah. 
Everybody's welcome at Monster High.
- Freaky flaws and all.
- Well, if that's really the case,
I think we might be able to help your friends.
"We"?
Do you think she sees us?
What happened?
Mmm...
Blinded by science!
Fascinating!
This is the future. 
Of course!
I must not squander this opportunity.
Who knows what futuristic technologies I now have access to.
Perhaps this is where I'll find the missing ingredient
I need to finally create life!
Yes!
Hey, Sirena, got any skulls?
Skulls? 
Uh, Sirena!
Hmm. 
Go squish.
Hey, look, it's the new Fusions.
You ghouls put on one heck of a show this afternoon.
Frankie, everybody, I'd like you to meet
Avia Trotter, Harpy-Centaur,
Bonita Femur, Skeleton-Moth, and Sirena VonBoo, Mermaid-Ghost.
You ghouls gotta check out this bug.
And what makes you think you'll be able to help us?
Well, because we're Hybrids, you're kind of Hybrids, and we all have our freaky flaws to deal with.
Like Bonita.
- What was that?
- She's jumpy.
Sirena is our free spirit.
Yeah! 
Like that! 
Go, little guy, go.
Oh, yeah. 
Just move your little legs. 
Oh!
She gets distracted easily.
- And Avia tends to...
- I interrupt a lot.
Right.
Anyway, we understand what you're going through.
And we want to help.
Hybrids being nice?
Are you sure we came back to the right timeline?
Listen, we're sorry we gave you ghouls the cold shoulder before.
We've had so many bad experiences with monsters at other schools, we just don't trust anyone anymore, you know?
But Monster High is different.
We're all a family.
And now you're a part of it.
Yeah. 
We'll see.
Neighthan, you did not tell us any of your freaky flaws.
Well, I get some healing powers from my unicorn side.
But my zombie side makes me, what would I call it...
Ow!
I'm clumsy.
Actually, I look pretty good in this one.
Now, where was I? 
Oh, yes.
All right, ghouls, listen up.
We're going to pair each of you with a Hybrid mentor to help you master your new combined forms.
Okay, who's ready to get to work?
Good. 
I like your spirit, kid.
Um, I had no idea I was doing that!
I've been fluttering from school to school ever since I was just a little larvette.
It was always really tough, but I found that meditation would clear my head and help me feel in control.
And I think it can help you, too.
It's worth a shot.
Okay, clear your mind.
And clear.
Now, take a deep, soothing breath.
Hey, I think it's working!
I feel totally in control.
Not what I had in mind!
So, you're saying you're going to make
Toralei and I get along with each other by talking?
Yeah, uh, good luck with that.
No, it's true.
I've spent a lot of time in school counselors' offices just talking through what it's like to be Hybrid.
I promise, talking really helps.
All right, Toralei. 
Let's talk.
"All right, Toralei. 
Let's talk."
- Oh, real mature.
- "Oh, real mature."
Ugh! 
Why won't you take this seriously?
You're not the boss of me!
Well, I guess technically they're talking.
Back off!
I've learned that surviving as a Hybrid means you have to take charge.
And from where I've seen, your problem is that neither of you are taking charge of your body.
You're both too polite.
Oh, right. 
I'll let Robecca take the lead.
No, it should really be Draculaura.
That's so sweet. 
But I really do insist that...
All right. 
All right.
See, that's what I'm talking about.
I don't care who it is, but somebody has to be the leader.
Now, let's give it a try.
And go!
So, like, the ghost side of my family never really got along with the mermaid side.
But there was always one activity that could bring both families together.
Um...
Swimming?
Oh, hey, sure, I love swimming!
Crikey!
I've never seen anybody pull off a quadruple reverse somersault without splashing.
That was gorgeous!
Like I said, we did a lot of swimming in my family.
All right, Jinafire, you ready, mate?
Are you sure this is wise?
Trust me.
A good swim is just what we need to let off a little steam.
Ooh.
Too much steam.
So there we are, stranded, all alone in the year 1814.
Thanks to Touchy McPoke-at-Stuff here.
And guess what she goes and does next.
Don't tell me she wandered off on her own.
I wandered off on my own.
Spending time with you ghouls is totally inspiring me to create Fusion fashion designs.
I have got to hand it to you ghouls.
I can't believe how quickly you learned to control your Hybrid bodies.
Well, it's like that old saying goes.
Hybrids make the best teachers.
That's not an old saying.
Oh, well, it should be.
Oops.
No worries, love.
Yeah, yeah, showoff. 
Check this out.
So fantastic.
- Impressive.
- They are beautiful.
Who's got two green thumbs and a room full of freaky Fusion friends?
This ghoul right here.
The lava is really quite lovely this time of day.
Yeah.
If you're still worried about your friends, you shouldn't be.
They're going to be great tonight.
Yeah, thanks to you and the Hybrids.
No,
I've been thinking about my grandfather a lot lately.
I don't really know about him. 
Or myself.
What do you mean?
I know I have this.
But do I have this?
Professor Steam said you needed more than just some spare parts to create a life.
Something inside.
He called it a spark.
So what did Victor Frankenstein discover that gave life to me?
If I was built in some laboratory, am I even really alive at all?
What if I'm just parts?
That's some heavy stuff.
You sure you don't want to go back to small talk about the lava?
I'm sorry.
It's just, this whole scaritage project's put a lot of questions between my bolts.
I just wish I could talk to my grandfather.
Neighthan, I'm so sorry.
You know how you know you're alive?
You can feel it.
Did you feel that?
Yeah.
Me too.
But, hey, now we know you're really alive.
Maybe that was the spark your professor was talking about.
Ghoulia. 
There you are.
Hey, your hair looks clawsome.
You figured out how to separate us? 
That's great.
Part of the time teleporter was stolen?
How?
This doesn't make any sense.
Who would steal the time lens?
What is going on?
This is it. 
This is going to happen.
I'm finally going to have my family.
Yes. 
Yes.
It's alive.
It's alive!
I really hope it's alive, it's so embarrassing when it's not alive.
Excellent.
And now, just a few more programming commands and Ancestral-bot 4.0 will be finished.
And then the two of us will be...
Doing whatever it is families do, in no time.
Executing the family algorithm, applying the genealogy coefficient.
All right, now just have to upload.
What? 
I don't have time for this.
Work, you infernal futuristic computational system.
Upload successful.
So polite.
You, you are my family.
Family.
Yes. 
It works.
I created life.
I knew I was just missing something before, but I've found the missing ingredient.
I want to remember this moment forever.
Wait, I know.
Say "artificially intelligent family member constructed in a lab."
Bad.
Blinded by science.
You can't go.
You're supposed to stay here, with me.
Without a time teleporter, does that mean we're Hybrids forever?
I can't be stuck with Toralei for the rest of my life.
I thought you two were getting along now.
That was then, this is now.
Showtime, people.
Um... 
Hi.
Hi, Frankie.
For 200 years, our great school has...
Family.
Manny, I think it's time to go.
Iris, I think you're right.
Hey, where you going?
The play is just getting good.
Family.
What is that thing?
That's the time teleporter lens.
Okay, okay. 
Here I come.
Family?
Just stop rampaging for a second.
Sparky?
You followed us through the time portal?
Just so you could build that?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It's okay, there's just something wrong with his programming.
I can fix it. 
I think.
Oh, this is totally going on the Fearbook profile.
Yeah. 
He doesn't like that.
Need family.
Hey, put me down.
No, put me down.
Missing something.
- Empty.
- O-M-Ra!
Gross.
Let us out of here.
Ew!
All right. 
That, I did not see coming.
That thing just absorbed my friends.
Oh. 
He must realize something is missing and is trying to replace it.
How do we shut it down?
Shut it down?
You can't. 
He's my family.
You have a family, Sparky.
And they're out there running for their lives from that thing you've created.
We're your family.
Monster High is your family.
And we're a part of it.
Neighthan.
Sparky. 
Look around.
Is this what you had in mind when you built that thing?
You don't understand.
What can we do to help?
You really see yourselves as a family?
Freaky flaws and all.
You're right. 
We have to stop it.
Yes, but how?
I brought the construction to life with electricity.
I suppose a large enough blast of energy of an opposing polarity might stop it.
Yes, Hexiciah's Recharge Chamber.
That could work.
But we have to lead him down to my lab in the catacombs.
All right then.
Ghoulia, you and Sparky head down to the lab and prep the charging chamber.
The rest of us will figure out a way to lead the thing down to the catacombs.
All right, ghouls. 
Let's do this.
Need family.
We can't let it leave the school.
A little steam power if you will, love?
Gladly.
Fire bad.
It doesn't look happy.
Family.
Hold onto something.
No.
- Save us.
- Frankie.
Okay, how are we going to get that thing to go to the catacombs?
Because I don't think asking nicely is an option.
Got an idea.
Everybody, meet me at the door to the catacombs in the hallway.
Missing something.
Hey, you, over here!
Smile.
Yuck, I'd say I got your bad side, but I'm not sure there's a good one.
This way.
Family.
I'll save you, Frankie.
- Ah...
- Neighthan?
Family?
I'm okay.
When we get back to the others, can we skip telling them that last part?
My hero.
Ah, hey...
Look over here.
Hey, look over here.
Look at this.
Sirena! 
Be careful.
Avia! 
Bonita!
Looks like you two could use a lift? 
Hang on, Frankie.
Whoa!
Over here. 
Over here.
Did you get him to follow you?
All righty.
I think it's time for a little divine intervention.
No.
We have to hurry.
Do it, now!
It's not working.
There's not enough energy.
- Frankie.
- Help us.
No!
How could you do this?
Those are my friends!
Frankie, no.
You took my friends from me.
The ones that I love!
Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?
What's happening? 
What is that?
I've seen that before.
It's her spark.
Frankie.
No, Frankie. 
It is too dangerous.
Give me back my friends.
I don't understand.
It's just electricity.
No, it's something else.
It's her emotions.
Her love. 
Her life-force.
It's her.
Everything my creation isn't.
The spark. 
That's what makes her alive.
That's what I've been missing.
Professor Steam was right.
I'm me again.
What's going on?
Frankie. 
You did it.
Frankie!
Frankie, you cannot give anymore.
I have to save Draculaura and Robecca.
Frankie!
Whoo-hoo!
- Oh, my ghoul, Frankie.
- Oh, Frankie.
What did you do?
She saved us.
She saved all of us.
Frankie. 
Come back to us.
Wake up.
This is all my fault.
I should have listened to Professor Steam and not forced the creation of life before I understood it.
Before you showed me there was really something in here.
And now you've gone and used up all your spark.
To save your friends.
To save my family.
I told you, Sparky.
Don't give up, it is possible to create life.
Just like my grandfather did so many years ago.
Just like Victor Frankenstein.
My name is Victor Frankenstein.
Uh...
I'm your grandfather.
Sparky's your nickname?
So I got to meet my grandfather after all.
I can't believe Frankie's gone.
Without her, we'd all still be part of that...
That thing.
I know, it doesn't even seem real.
No. 
You don't mean...
You're right. 
That just might work.
But we have to get the polarity just right.
Okay, I understand zombie, but I have no idea what any of this means.
It means we're going to save Frankie.
- What?
- Really?
You really think you can bring her back?
Tell us you're not trying to be funny.
The only funny thing happening right now is that Mermaid-Ghost is paying zero attention to this conversation.
We can do this. 
But first,
I think this Recharge Chamber is going to need a little love.
All right. 
Let's save Frankie.
Almost ready.
This has to work.
We have to save Frankie.
Now, let's create life!
Again.
Come on, Frankie.
Come back to us.
It's not working.
I don't understand.
Maybe you're still missing something.
Professor Steam?
Dad!
Oh, Dad, I missed you.
Nice to meet you, my daughter.
You are just perfect.
Hmm. 
It looks as though I did an amazing job building you.
Or rather, will do an amazing job, at some point.
And you, Victor Frankenstein, are late for our conversation after class, by about 200 years, if I'm not mistaken.
And I'm here to bring you back to our time, where you belong.
But it looks like we have a ghoul to save first.
Ah. 
I don't understand, Professor.
I was sure this would work.
Didn't you listen to anything I said before?
Creating life takes more than just what's up here.
I know, it takes the spark.
But it's all gone.
Frankie used it all up.
How can something be gone that's inside of every living thing?
Oh, Frankie...
Draculaura.
How did you do that?
I don't know.
I just closed my eyes and thought about Frankie.
So, we all have the spark?
Come on, everybody, together.
Think of your best Frankie memory.
I remember when Frankie helped bring me back to life.
She planned a surprise party for my sweet 1,600.
She made us feel like we belong.
Save Frankie?
She freed me from the lantern.
She kept me from doing that dumb thing.
She helped me find my lost love.
Please. 
Save Frankie.
We've gotta save her.
We've gotta save Frankie.
Yeah. 
Save Frankie.
Save Frankie. 
Save Frankie.
Save Frankie.
Save Frankie.
Save Frankie. 
Save Frankie.
Save Frankie.
Save Frankie. 
Pass it on.
Did it work?
Frankie?
Come back to us, Frankie.
Ghoulfriend, if you're taking your sweet time for dramatic effect, you're killin' us over here.
Did I miss anything?
Frankie!
It worked. 
She's back.
I was so worried.
I did it. 
I created life.
We did it.
All right, Victor Frankenstein.
It's time to go.
Thank you, Frankie.
I told you it was possible to create life.
No, not for that.
Thank you for showing me that I'm not alone.
That I do have a family.
Take care of yourself.
Grandpa.
Miss you already, Dad.
Which brings us to the end of our bite-centennial celebration.
But our story doesn't end there.
Because the history of Monster High is still being written every single day.
And as we move forward into the future, we will continue our rich tradition of accepting anybody who comes through those doors.
Whether they're vampire or werewolf, creepy or freaky, or Hybrid.
It's okay.
You're one of us now.
Together we are Monster High.
So, does this mean you'll stick around for a while?
What? 
Sure.
Wouldn't wanna miss being a part of this freaky family.
So, that's our little story about family.
The Hybrids finally found the home they were looking for at Monster High.
Sparky... 
Uh, Grandpa Victor went back to his own time where he used the secret of the spark to build the family he was looking for.
And even though the ghouls aren't fused together anymore, they're still pretty much inseparable.
Fusion fashion.
How clawsome are those designs?
And as for me?
Well, let's just say that after a crazy family adventure like that,
I had plenty to talk about for my scaritage project.
Check it out. 
The real family photo album.
My parents had to hide it until after I met Grandpa...
Uh, Sparky.
This time I got an A. Favorite student, right here.
So, there you have it.
I got an A, Monster High got some voltageous new students, and Ghoulia...
Well, Ghoulia got a brand new laboratory.

We must determine the validity of the provisional will that the deceased Veronika Grønnegaard issued to Signe Larsen.
- You have invested a lot in this house.
- Is Signe entitled to the house?
- I have never put pressure on Veronika.
- Is Signe entitled to the house?
- Yes, I strongly believe that!
Frederik twisted everything. 
His performance had nothing to do with the reality.
- Why do you say that?
- The father ran away from them.
Is it true that he liked men?
He had AIDS when he got back home.
You can't say anything to Frederik.
It would devastate him to hear that.
Married men never leave their wives, Robert.
- I've been unfaithful to Frederik.
- Are you in love?
I was lonely.
If Frederik finds out...
He doesn't know him.
- Ole, the letter from Veronika...
- I thought you would ask for it.
- Did Lise know about this?
- No. 
Use it, otherwise you'll lose.
"I am writing to you because I cannot get through to John.
We had a fight on our trip to Rome last month.
I haven't contacted Sunshine in the last 22 years.
I want Signe to inherit my house when I am no longe here."
It's my father's house.
She took it and threw him out.
Your father deserted you.
He was gay.
- He ran off with another man.
- What the hell are you on about?
- He came back home sick with AIDS.
- Shut the fuck up!
I don't understand why you feel sorry for him, Emil.
Frederik Grønnegaard has abandoned the case.
Grønnegård is passed on to you, Signe Larsen.
Congratulations. 
What kind of person are you?
You just destroyed everything.
You'd better not contact us again.
Can you manage it?
I'm sorry you've been landed with this all by yourself, but he just can't.
- How is he?
- He hasn't said a word.
He disappears every night.
I've no idea where he goes.
- Is dad disappearing?
- No, he just goes for a walk.
He just goes for a little walk.
- Having a break?
- Yes, a little bit.
- Why's Signe here?
- She has to pick up some papers.
- You've managed a great deal.
- It's nothing.
We've been working at it since the court case.
I'll go and check a little more inside the house.
You'll want the documents.
The administrator said that the title deeds and leases would be here.
I've collected everything concerning the house.
There are three boxes.
- Plus, all that on the table.
- Is there a system to it?
Could you come with me?
I'd like you to wait in this room.
- Can I use this box here?
- Yes, yes.
- Is that him? 
Is that them?
- Yes.
I always believed that mother had thrown him out.
But, actually he left us to go away with him.
- Does it bother you?
- No, I'm not upset.
For years, you were mad at mum. 
Don't now start being mad at dad.
Have you ever had strong feelings for another man?
No.
If you did...
would you tell me?
I'm not like that.
What're you talking about?
It's just important to me that we're truthful with each other.
You don't need to keep things from me.
- That's all I'm saying.
- Yeah, OK.
It just takes 40 minutes by car, so I can easily be there.
Right. 
See you later.
- Have you found anything?
- I found this here.
I can actually remember him well.
He was a nice guy.
He was there the day that dad died.
Is that why mum kicked him out?
I wasn't here, but that's what Thomas says.
Carl knew he was going to die.
He wanted his boyfriend at his side.
She couldn't keep him away.
Surely, she could have told me.
She was so upset by it all.
She didn't talk to anyone about it.
Not even me.
- Why did you not say anything?
- I don't know, Frederik.
No-one ever talked about it.
I was probably trying to spare you the details.
If we had talked to each other more, in this family we might have saved each other a lot of pain.
You could make a start.
- Mummy, have you seen dad?
- No, I haven't.
What have you found, sweetie?
You might have to say something.
It's not going well.
- Has he not packed yet?
- No. 
He's being difficult.
Dad? 
You will need to to pack your things.
- Come on!
- Signe must get the keys in the morning.
Get on with it!
Be useful! 
Pack your things.
- Watch that stuff!
- We need to move out of the house.
It's all over now. 
That's the reality.
That includes you.
- Be careful with that!
- I am being careful!
That's 300 years old.
- Come on. 
Nothing's happened to it.
- How would you know?
- You've plenty of other instruments.
- Are you crazy?
- Hi, Hannah.
- Have you and mum had a row?
No, not at all. 
Why would you think that?
Eh?
- She just seems strange.
- No.
She's just got so much to do right now. 
She's stressed out.
- You needn't worry.
- You OK?
There's nothing wrong.
But thank you for asking.
Hannah's asked me if we've had a fight.
What did you say to her?
I told her that we'd fucked and now things were a bit awkward.
- Want some water?
- Yes, please.
- Gro, I'll see you.
- Yes.
- What's happening to this?
- It's been sold.
- What about the other one?
- René, could you get the keys to the pick-up.
- She'll get you the keys.
- Cool.
That's it.
Give it some gas.
Press the pedal down.
You should have it in first gear.
I'll get in with you.
- Is she getting mum's pick-up?
- If she wants to buy it.
Ask 40,000 for it.
She's got the whole house, so she can easily afford it.
Hi, sweetheart.
Things going to auction are on the right of the yard.
Are we taking this?
Emil, can you to find a box for this?
- Did you catch the estates administrator guy?
- He wants 35,000.
He didn't think he could sell much of it.
- We can leave it to Signe.
- Better that she doesn't know.
It's fine, Gro. 
What do you want for it.
Signe want to buy mum's pick-up.
- Frederik...
- Good luck with the house.
Thank you.
- How much do you want?
- I think about 45,000.
- 45?
- Yes.
OK. 
I'll need to run it by Andreas.
Yes. 
We're here all day.
You can just come and get it.
Fine. 
We'll do that.
We'd like you to have the things that we can't accommodate.
Really? 
What sort of things?
We'll take some more with us today, but otherwise, everything that's left.
- It's a helluva lot 
- Well, you can sort it out.
They belong to the house.
They're mother's things.
Well, it's probably OK.
We'll take it. 
See you.
She'll be delighted with it.
- Where's Andreas?
- At training.
I'm going to the game tomorrow with dad. 
See.
Well, we may see you there.
- Could I see you, Villads?
- Yes.
Emil, I'm sorry that I said that about Frederik's father.
Cool, man. 
Now you be careful.
I was just so angry at how he was behaving.
Or perhaps you were just greedy?
Could that be it?
Pardon me. 
Sorry.
It's not usually this busy in the morning.
If you were here more, you'd know that it can be very busy.
Sorry, Katja. 
It was just an hour and a half. 
I'm here now.
Signe, for months now, you've been either late  or you've taken time off and driven away in my van.
- I have my own now. 
We bought one.
- And an estate.
- Is it something in those colours?
- Yes.
- Are you OK?
- Maybe you shouldn't work here anymore.
What do you mean by that?
Just what I said.
Are you about to fire me, or what?
What do you expect me to do?
Katja? 
Katja?
Watch out that you don't stand on these...
- Is that what we've spent?
- Clearing of snow.
It's important that everything's there.
I've got an estimate for the roof.
- It's almost 1 million.
- Yes.
But we can get a lot more out of the leases.
- Why do you think that?
- I haven't read it all through.
But Veronika hadn't re-negotiated the agreements for many years.
- Can we get a grip on all this?
- No, damn.
Going into the kitchen?
Can you take this out?
Bring a beer on your way back.
Hi, Lennie.
You're close to the top of the league.
Do you have control of your nerves?
We've played a great season. 
Now we must fight our final battle.
Morale is high and everyone's highly motivated.
There are several injuries.
Is everyone up for the battle?
- I should be getting back.
- Are all the players ready for tomorrow?
Knudsen is injured for the rest of the season, but otherwise, everyone's ready.
You've had problems with FBK's left-back, Mark Strandgaard.
Have you prepared specially to deal with him?
Andreas will deal with that question.
Thanks for talking with us.
Looking forward to tomorrow.
- Good luck.
- Yes, thank you.
I've just come to deliver this.
Marianne says she will deal with plans and sponsorships if you could make time to explain stuff to her.
- Could you stay for summer camp?
- I'll make sure everything's OK.
I can understand that you need space.
I just want you to know that I'll wait for you, no matter how long it takes.
You need to know that.
It's a waste of time, John.
- We have to talk about it.
- It's over, John.
You need to get over it.
I intend to.
We're just talking about Peter's knee.
He says that he's ready.
Why haven't you called me?
I need to talk with The New Art Collection later.
It's not the most exciting place, but they've had Anne as their head for 5 years.
A lady with no vision.
It may take some time for me to knock it into shape but it'll be a challenge.
Call me. 
It's boring talking to an answering machine.
Why can you not pull it off?
OK. 
Fair enough.
Thanks. 
We'll talk about it in the morning.
Yes. 
See you tomorrow.
- Sorry.
- John didn't come to the team meeting.
He's disappeared.
And he's not answering his phone.
- He can't just disappear.
- He was talking to Lise and then left.
What's going on?
Michael has seen him in the town.
- What are you doing?
- Going to find him.
Say "hello" to John.
Big game tomorrow.
Yes. 
See you.
So, I'll put 200 kroner on us winning.
- They'll get thumped.
- We won't be thumped..
- Have not you seen us play?
- It was no great experience.
- I'd love you to get thumped.
- We've got the best team.
Hi, dad.
Hi.
Have you come here to drink beer?
- Come on, let's go.
- I'm not going anywhere.
- Yes, you're going home.
- Where the hell is "home"?
Can you tell me that?
I have no home.
Leave my glass alone!
Leave it!
- You need to be fresh for tomorrow.
- I'm as fresh as I'll be.
Here. 
Keep the change.
- Leave me alone.
- Dad.
Here.
- We'll win, OK.
- You'll get thumped. 
You're an optimist.
- What did you say to the others?
- I said he was sick.
- They're all fucking nervous.
- He just needs to sleep a little, right?
Did you get the pick-up? 
Andreas, come.
- Did you get the pick-up?
- Yes. 
But, 45,000?
- I know.
- So, they just get whatever they ask?
I didn't like to say "no".
It belonged to my mother.
Are you OK?
Frederick, I need to go now.
They're all waiting out there.
Are you coming out?
I want you to take this home.
Are you finished ...
- I picked up the gun.
- What did you say?
I helped our father kill himself.
It was me.
He said to me that the only thing he wanted, was to die in the house.
And...
He asked me to help him.
So I handed the gun to him.
He told me not to be afraid.
But he was shaking so much so I put the cartridges in the gun and loaded it for him.
So, I sat outside the door and then I heard the shot.
Sorry, Emil.
Sorry, Emil.
Emil?
He's completely out.
What happened between the two of us ...
we'll have to forget it.
We must not mention it ever again.
- We must just forget it.
- Yes.
It was all wrong.
I need to know that you're here.
Frederik needs you.
- Good night. 
Sleep well.
- Yeah, you too.
It's so good that you're here, Gro.
So, what is it that you want?
I'll be staying on here.
Well?
- You thought ... 
No, I'm staying.
- So, what am I here for?
One of our curators, Martin, has got a job at The National.
I thought of you for his position.
- As a curator?
- Yes.
Working under you?
Would not it be insanely exciting to work together?
So...
It's hard to imagine that you will get a better offer but if you're not interested.
No, of course. 
It's clear.
I have a small booklet prepared that you might want to read
It's a three-year plan with my vision for the site.
You should to open it now, so you know what you have to work towards.
I'll take it home and read it.
It's exciting.
Stay and read it here and have a little more wine.
No, thanks, Anne. 
I have so much to do with the house and I need to have it all finished by tomorrow.
I'll convene a meeting of the Board for your presentation.
- Lovely.
- It was good to see you.
Robert, call me. 
I'm worried that I haven't heard from you.
- Where the hell is he?
- There's no answer.
We should have fucking locked him in. 
What's he playing at?
- Andreas.
- No, leave me be.
Has he been sitting there, drinking?
Please don't do that.
I just ...
It's a fucking important game.
Does he not understand that?
Good morning.
Have you been up for long?
- Yes. 
There's coffee.
- Lovely.
Thank you for yesterday, or do you not want to talk?
- We'll be fine.
- Yes.
Good morning, sweetheart.
Are you having breakfast in there?
- I'm not hungry.
- I made soft-boiled eggs for us.
You'll enjoy them.
Grandma's dress really suits you.
Good morning.
Good morning.
So, I think we've got everything.
I just wanted to say something, before we start.
It's been a little difficult in recent weeks.
Grandma's death was hard for me.
It's important that you understand that it had nothing to do with you.
The most important thing for me right now is that we put Grandma's ashes in the ground and we start anew.
I promise. 
OK?
- Can we get something to eat now?
- Yes.
Now, we can enjoy our food.
Let me talk to her. 
You stay here.
What is it, Hannah?
Are you OK?
I heard what you were talking about.
What do you mean? 
Last night?
You screwed her.
Come on, Hannah.
Of course we didn't.
I just consoled your mum.
She found it difficult that Frederik was like what he was.
- Drop it.
- She just talked to me.
That's why you have to move out.
I have been and...
Can you not even listen? 
Now come on.
- Well, I'm going in to ask her.
- OK.
Hannah, don't talk to your parents about this.
Your dad's had it so bad recently, and things are just getting better.
He's finally able to breathe.
If you start saying things which make him pissed off I don't know how he'll handle it.
Go.
Come on.
Just go.
Hey.
She just wants to have a little peace.
We have to leave in 5 minutes.
- I'll go and tell her.
- Leave her alone.
Yes, but she must be there.
I have to tell her.
Well, there you are.
Well, you're wearing it.
You look fine. 
It really suits you.
- Is that Grandma?
- Yes, that's her.
- Where's Thomas?
- He's not here yet.
I talked with Lone, but he hasn't slept there.
- Shouldn't we wait for him?
- Why don't we just get started?
Yes, let's get started.
I'm sure that Grandma is doing fine.
I looked out some shovels.
Get yourself a good shovel.
So, we just have to find a great place for an apple tree.
What about down there? 
She liked to be down there in the summer.
- Is not that right?
- Yes, she did.
- It's a good place.
- What do you say?
Yes, it's fine.
- Is it OK there?
- Yes.
I'll dig just here, so we get it done.
Thomas is in here.
What's he saying?
Thomas is over there.
- I'm going to go up and take a look.
- Now, we're digging fine.
Dad.
Dad. 
Good morning.
- What time is it?
- It's a little after eleven.
We're putting mum in the ground just now.
Want to join us?
Yes. 
Fine.
- Isn't it a nice spot?
- Yes.
She'll be happy there.
It's just a pity that Signe isn't here as well.
God, it's a deep hole.
Hey, man.
- Who's going to...
- You do it.
- Will you help me, Hannah?
- That's a nice idea.
- Don't tell me what to do.
- Talk nicely to your mum.
- The hell I will.
- You need to talk nicely to her.
- Just let it be.
- I hate you.
How dare you say that to mum.
You apologise to mum right now.
- Shouldn't we go and get her?
- No.
She just needs to be on her own.
I haven't done this before.
- Want to say something?
- No.
- Has everyone done what they want?
- Yes.
Then it just needs a sip of water, right?
- Do you want to?
- Yes.
That's good, Villads.
I could really go a beer.
I have a few beers in the fridge.
- Hey. 
Still no sign of him?
- No.
You take over. 
You can do it.
You and Jacob can take over.
Here. 
I'll go and try to find him.
Come on, guys. 
Let's get into them.
- Hannah. 
Open this up.
- Let her be for now.
We'll be late for the handball game.
- Honey, open the door now.
- Let me talk to her.
Let me deal with it.
I'll drive her home later.
- Hannah, I'm going now.
- Come, we're leaving now.
- See you, Hannah.
- I'll call you if anything happens.
Dad.
They're getting thrashed in there.
You know that, right?
Can I see? 
What did you do?
I guess you're feeling sorry for yourself, but sitting here won't help.
Come on. 
They need you.
Come on.
What the hell are you doing?
I often used to go and sit in there.
I talked to the red buttons on the instrument panel.
Hannah, will you let me come in?
Can I not come in with you?
Come on! 
Get stuck in!
Timeout.
Gather round, boys.
Listen up.
A draw's no use to us.
I want you to act as the pivot.
We've got 15 seconds.
A quick turnaround.
Or we go out.
We must hope for the best.
- What are we fighting for?
- Victory!
Here we go, boys. 
Come on.
Mum, we won. 23-22.
- You should have been there, honey.
- I need to talk to you now.
What's going on?
- What the hell have you done?
- What are you saying?
Were you praying that Hannah wouldn't say anything? 
She's 14 years old.
And you stay with them.
They gave you a place and you do this.
- Sit down.
- What's happened?
- You will not be able to forgive this.
- I can forgive you for anything.
I've had sex with Emil.
Yes, I've had sex with Emil.
- When?
- That evening you were out.
And you didn't come home.
Emil came back alone.
I was so sad, and we were drunk.
Shall we play handball?
Are you sure that you don't want to play?
What are you doing?
Should I move out, or what?
Emil's had 4 million from mother already. 
He can keep that.
He's not getting 1 krone more.
Oh, I'm so tired of you.
You can't go.
Emil, stay there.
- How are you?
- Things are going well.
I just thought I'd come over.
I've been thinking a lot about you lately.
I know that you needed to get your own back and you gave me a hard-on.
I'm sorry for what happened and I wonder if you'll give me a cup of coffee.
I don't have a coffee maker.
- No.
- Why do you have your stuff out there?
Just forget it, Camilla.
It doesn't matter.
Go on, then.
What are you doing here?
I've left Claudia.
- When?
- Tonight. 
And then I came here.
I've told her everything.
- About us?
- Yes.
Are you OK?
- Was it OK that I came?
- Yes.
Yes.

[Crow caws]
Axl: 
Ugh! 
What are you even doing down there?
You're all up in my space, as per uzhe.
I'm looking for the Halloween candy
I bought last march when it was cheaper.
I hid it from myself so I wouldn't eat it.
Okay, every word of that was really sad.
[Sighs]
Hey, have you figured out what you're gonna be for Halloween yet?
You know, it's almost here, and I don't want to be scrambling around at the last minute looking for a costume for you.
You can't be paper towel man for a third time.
Yeah... actually, I decided
I'm not gonna go trick-or-treating this year.
What?
I don't know.
I think I'm getting a little old for that.
Aw. 
You're not going trick-or-treating?
Aw.
Mike, he's not going trick-or-treating.
Good. 
You hate trick-or-treating.
Yeah, but if I'd known last year was gonna be the last time,
I would've made sure to enjoy it.
You didn't even take him out last year.
And the year before that, didn't Nancy Donahue take him?
Whatever time I took him out, whenever it was,
I wish I'd known that was gonna be it, okay?
So, I guess you're just gonna stay home and hand out candy with us, then, huh?
Actually, I think my friend Cindy is gonna come over.
Really? 
She's coming over here?
Mm.
Why?
No reason. 
We're just gonna hang.
[Sue humming]
Okay, here it is, people...
My Sue-mometer.
I was feeling kind of stressed about how much money I'm gonna need for college, so I thought this would make me feel better.
Sure.
Okay, I know it looks kind of low, but this only shows my Disney-jar money and my spudsy money.
I haven't even colored in my optimist scholarship money.
Yet.
[Marker cap pops]
Maybe if I use thicker markers...
Oh, God. 
I am starting to feel kind of overwhelmed.
You and me both, pal.
You and me, both.
[Sighs]
What are you doing on my couch?
Studying, obviously. 
I have a huge history paper due.
[Airplane engine roars]
So you're watching "Pearl Harbor"?
If given the choice to learn about stuff through Ben Affleck or not, I always choose Ben Affleck.
You're not learning history from this movie.
You're not even learning movies from this movie.
It's not my fault. 
Professor hanawalt is so lame.
Our paper's due Halloween night. 
Who does that?
Well, how long you known about this?
He sprung it on us like a month ago.
Axl, it's not gonna get done if you're sitting here.
You know what you do?
You drive to campus, go to the library, look at the card catalog, you check out a book on the subject...
I think what your grandpa here is saying is that you need to go to a place where there's not a lot of distractions, and the library is not a bad place to do that.
Ugh! 
I don't like the library.
It's quiet, it's boring, and I don't know where it is.
What does it even mean...
"We're just gonna hang"?
Does Brick even know how to do that?
Did you talk to him about hanging?
- Didn't think I had to.
- Mm.
I thought it'd be years before this kind of situation came up.
[Sighs]
Well, one thing we know is, it's gonna be weird.
'Cause Cindy's got to be weirder than Brick, right?
It's gonna be a horse race.
Oof.
It's just going so fast, you know?
Seems like only yesterday
Brick was dressing up for Halloween as some obscure historical character, and now he's hanging with a girl.
Ohh.
Think we should prep him or something?
Nah.
I think we got to just strap in and enjoy the show.
[Chuckles]
[School bell rings]
Happy Halloween!
♪ Happy Halloween ♪
Happy Halloween!
Okay, whatever that is, I want one.
What it is is the next big idea on the "send Sue to college" plan.
I'm showing
"it's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie brown"
in Mrs. Henley's pumpkin patch.
Suggested donation... $5.
Oh, my God, Sue!
"Great Pumpkin in a pumpkin patch."
Oh! 
Move over, genius who invented man spanx.
[Snaps fingers] There's a new girl in town.
[Squeals] Here.
Hi, Brad.
Hi, Brad's new freshman friend.
Uh...
Never mind.
I thought you guys graduated.
Oh, didn't you hear?
We're the assistant coaches for the cheerleaders.
We just couldn't abandon the squad, could we, coach court?
Could not, coach Deb.
Without us, those poor things would've been left with only coach Campbell, who we all know was not a cheerleader in high school.
[Smacks lips] All righty, then.
Do you guys want to come see a movie in a pumpkin patch?
Oh. 
Sounds fun.
But we're super-busy taking the squad in a new direction.
Things were getting kind of stale, so we're gonna revamp the Orson high cheer style using hip-hop moves, only sharper.
But not only that.
Yeah, pretty much that.
But not totally.
[Chuckles] Anyway...
We love sharing an apartment and spending every single second of the day together.
Good luck with your movie in the dirt.
Thank...
You.
[Doorbell rings]
Oh, Mike, could you grab the door?
And here.
Why are we giving out Easter eggs?
'Cause I hid the Easter candy behind the frosting, and I figured by the time I ate through all the frosting,
I'd be too sick for the Easter candy, and I was right.
Just go.
Oh, and use your Frankenstein voice.
[Groans]
Yes! 
That's the one.
Happy Halloween.
Oh, hey. 
Look at you.
You're a...
Safari girl.
I'm not dressed up. 
I just like it.
You must be Brick's friend.
Hi, Cindy. 
Come on in.
Hi, Cindy.
Whoop!
I came at 7:00.
Actually, I came at 6:53, but I stood in the bushes till 7:00.
Cool.
TV's in here.
Did you hear that? "The TV's in here."
My boy's got game.
Brad: 
Question.
Do I have to donate twice since I'm dressed as...
Danny...
And...
Sandy. 
From "Grease"?
[Chuckles] Wow.
Oh, just wow, Brad.
Amazing costume.
[Gasps]
You make a very pretty Sandy and such a handsome Danny!
It is so confusing and yet so you!
[Chuckles]
Sue, look at this place. 
Oh!
I am hopelessly devoted to this pumpkin patch.
Where is everybody?
Well...
The movie is supposed to start now, but I think people are just finishing up trick-or-treating.
You know the "Peanuts" fans...
They're a late-arriving crowd.
Well, we've got our spot, and we are so glad we beat the rush.
"And that's when America declared victory."
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
"But I believe Ben Affleck put it best when he said,
"those bastards will think twice before they bomb us again."
[Laughs] Whoo!
I'm done!
[Crickets chirping]
Hello?
Hello?
Frankie: 
So, Axl was with books and Brick was with a girl.
I'm chalking this one up to Halloween.
Man on TV: 
And in the case of male tigers, on access to females, a tigress may have a territory of 20 square kilometers, while the territories of males are much larger, covering 60 to 100 kilometers.
While females can at times be aggressive towards other females...
Okay, this has to be the oddest thing I've ever seen, but it seems to be working.
[Doors rattle]
No. 
No! 
No! 
No! 
No! 
Don't be dead!
[Groans]
Ooh!
Whoa.
[Dial tone]
God, how can they do this?
!
Uh...
Ooh. "Operator."
[Dial turns]
[Ringing] Oh, my God.
This is taking forever.
Woman: 
This is the east Indiana state university operator system.
Yes! 
[Chuckling] Yes!
If you'd like to dial out, please press "1."
To reach campus security, please press "2."
[Chuckles]
I would very much like to do both of these things, but there's no buttons!
It's just some weird wheely thing.
Oh! 
This phone is from "the Flintstones"!
[Grunts]
Help!
Help!
Trick or treat! 
Trick or treat! 
Trick or treat!
[Laughing] Aww!
Happy Halloween! 
You look great!
Have a good night.
Man on TV: 
Territorial disputes can be...
Uh, where's Brick?
He left.
What do you mean, "he left"?
He decided he wanted to go trick-or-treating after all.
Okay. 
Great.
I'm sure he'll be right back.
Mike...
He ditched her.
What?
Yeah, he's gone. 
Your son decided to go trick-or-treating.
Aw, man.
I'm calling his cell.
I knew he wasn't ready for hanging.
Hanging is a very s...
[Cellphone vibrating]
Tell me why we bought this, again.
[Telephone beeps]
He's blowing it, Mike.
That's what he's doing. 
He's blowing it.
Well, we're just gonna have to do something to entertain her until he gets back.
Okay, follow me on this.
Unless we don't.
Look, Mike, he doesn't exactly have a ton of options.
You've heard about "the one that got away."
She might literally be "the one."
You know, Sue, it's getting pretty late.
Maybe you should call it a night.
No, Brad. 
You got to have faith.
They'll come.
They'll come, and my college fund will grow.
[Ringtone plays]
Oh, no.
What is it?
Oh, no. 
This is the worst news ever.
Okay, would you feel better hearing it from Danny or Sandy?
And do you want it sung, like "Summer Lovin',"
or spoken through, like "Stranded At The Drive-in"?
Can I maybe just hear it from Brad?
[Sighs]
I know why nobody's here, Sue.
Courtney and Debbie, after not liking your idea, apparently did like your idea enough to steal it.
They're showing "Poltergeist" in the graveyard, and everybody's there.
And they don't just have popcorn.
They have... and I'm so sorry I have to say this...
Kettle corn.
Seriously?
Okay. 
No. 
You know what? 
It's fine.
I mean, come on.
A scary movie in a graveyard on Halloween?
It's a little cliché, don't you think?
You're right. 
You're right, Sue.
People will come.
And we will wait for them as long as it takes.
Even though I spent eight hours on this costume,
I don't care if nobody ever sees it.
Just go.
Oh! 
Thank you!
Sandy and Danny may be there collecting compliments, but Brad's heart stays right here in this pumpkin patch.
I promise.
...and adult elephants...
So, what do your parents do?
I don't know.
That's fine.
You don't need to know that. 
You're just a kid.
Hey, are you hungry?
Can I get you something?
A snack?
I'll take some shrimp.
Well...
We might have just run out.
Then nothing.
You need to go get shrimp.
- Shrimp?
- Yes... shrimp.
Cindy's hungry, and the only thing she wants is shrimp.
We don't even eat shrimp.
We're gonna go out and get some stranger shrimp?
She's not some stranger, Mike.
She's a girl who likes our son.
I'm not getting shrimp.
[Scoffs] Fine.
Then I will get the shrimp, and you go in there and talk to her.
Her name is Cindy. 
She has an older sister.
- She doesn't know what her parents do...
- I'll get the shrimp.
[Groans]
Oh. 
Hey, dude. [Chuckles]
So, you're trapped in here, too, huh?
[Inhales deeply]
'Sup? 
[Clicks tongue] I'm Axl.
I don't know who you are, so maybe I'll just call you...
Lebron.
Yep. 
Looks like I'm stuck here till morning.
But it's cool. 
Totally cool.
I have the gift of being able to fall asleep pretty much anywhere, so...
Yeah. 
Night, Lebron.
[Groans]
Aah!
Frankie: 
There comes a time when faith can only take you so far and you have to give up... unless you're Sue.
[Sue shivering]
Oh. 
Shoot.
I must have missed the movie, huh?
Oh! 
No! 
No, no, no, no!
No, you are right on time.
[Chuckling] Well, happy to hear that.
I was at home trying to watch TV, but...
Pbht!
There's just too many buttons nowadays.
Well, I'm really glad you came.
Right this way.
Let me show you to your hay bale.
Ahh.
Help yourself to a wheelbarrow of popcorn.
And here is your ziplock baggy of raisinets.
[Door closes]
Got the shrimp.
Ah. 
Good, 'cause I'm dying here.
I thought I could make Cindy some caramel apples, but all I could find was a pack of peeps and a black banana.
And I ate the peeps.
I have a problem.
Well, we better get on this.
The guy at the frugal Hoosier said this shrimp's got to be eaten within the hour.
You have any idea how to make this?
I have no clue. 
We'll just throw it in a pan with some butter.
That works for everything.
Next year at this same time,
I'll find a pumpkin patch that is real...
Gets better every time.
It does, doesn't it?
I always feel bad about that, uh, Linus kid, though.
He's so crushed when the Great Pumpkin doesn't turn up at the end.
Really?
I don't think it's sad at all.
To me, it just shows that you don't always get what you hoped for, but you can still keep trying.
[Chuckles]
Uh...
Oh. 
No. 
Please.
You don't have to worry about that.
I'm just glad that you came and you had a nice time.
After all the trouble you went to to set this all up?
No, no, no, no, no. 
I insist.
All righty. 
I better get on with it.
The Great Pumpkin may have left some presents at my house.
[Clicks tongue]
[Chuckles]
Hey, Cindy. 
Look what I whipped up.
Man on TV: 
With small prey, the tiger bites the nape, often breaking the spinal cord...
That's all you want?
I'm good.
Okay.
'Cause, you know, it's kind of a special, special thing...
That we were so happy to make for you, because you're our guest and we are so happy to have...
Oh, look! 
Brick's back.
I mean, we knew he'd be back, but isn't that great?
Brick, can I talk to you for a minute?
Brick: 
Sure.
What were you thinking?
You don't just disappear after you invite somebody over.
A man doesn't treat a woman he likes that way.
Uh, no offense, mom, but I got a girl to come to my house.
I think I'm doing all right.
Yeah, but the goal is to get her to come back a second time.
I-it's about chivalry.
Tell him, Mike.
Brick, you like her, and you want her to like you back, right?
In an ideal world, yes.
Okay, so... you hold the door open for her, you help her out if she's carrying something heavy, and you don't leave in the middle of the date to go trick-or-treating.
I asked her if she wanted to go with me, and she said no.
And that's why you needed to stay home.
Why would I stay home if I wanted to go?
Because as a man, you don't get to do what you want.
What? 
Why?
You ever want to kiss her?
I did enjoy that kiss I got in north Carolina.
Well, if you ever want to get one in Indiana, you got to do all kinds of things you don't want to do.
What kind of things?
Uh...
Go see movies you're not interested in, go to brunch, go to church, do errands together, for some reason.
Uh... call the electric company, mute the game so she can tell you her dreams.
Okay, just to be clear, women do a lot of things we don't want to do, either.
Birthday.
Eh.
Wow. 
Getting a kiss is sounding very complicated.
Okay, okay. 
I get what you're saying.
Chivalry... 
I'm on it.
So I should probably get back out there, right?
Oh, my God. 
Yes. 
How long have we been in here?
Let's go. 
Let's go.
How long until you get to start doing things you want to do?
I'll let you know.
$50!
Hey!
[Laughs]
All right.
I know I kind of freaked out back there, but just so you know...
[Chuckles] I'm not that guy.
I haven't needed a night-light in, like, five years, so, yeah... not scared of anything, really.
[Chuckles]
[Sighs]
I think I'm just not used to being alone.
I usually have my family or friends around.
I'm a super-popular guy.
I mean, I don't know if feather salesmen were popular in your time.
I assume that's what you are... a feather salesman.
But yeah, spending time alone is good, right?
I mean, you're alone with your thoughts, so...
What are my thoughts?
[Chuckles]
What...
Are... [snaps fingers] My thoughts?
Um...
Been thinking a lot about college lately.
Uh... [clears throat]
Well...
More about what happens when college is over.
'Cause, see, I'm a business major now, and I don't even really know what that means.
Uh, am I gonna be a businessman?
Am I gonna go on business trips with my briefcase and visit different branches of my business?
Or will I be one of those guys who owns some kind of outdoor business and visits jobsites in a cool windbreaker?
I just think maybe if I knew what I'd be wearing,
I could work backwards from there, 'cause no one is telling me what I should do.
[Chuckles] No one.
I mean, your whole life, people are telling you,
"next year, you're gonna go to kindergarten, then you're going to high school, then you're going to college," and then, bam!
People stop telling you what you're supposed to do, and you're supposed to just figure it out.
And all I know is, my dad still ties my ties!
How am I supposed to be a businessman if I can't even tie my own ties?
[Chuckling] It's... ugh.
[Sighs]
The truth is, Lebron...
I'm not sure my awesomeness is gonna translate into the real world.
Maybe I...
Peaked?
[Exhales sharply]
I just...
I don't know anything about my future, and when I think about that...
[Sighs] ...I'm scared, man.
I'm really scared.
[Sighs]
Frankie: 
So, Axl made it through his first real night alone.
[Groans]
[Clears throat]
Lates, Lebron.
[Pats]
[Clears throat]
Library closes at 8:00, just so everybody knows.
And the rest of us were glad we made it through the weirdest Halloween yet.
And the best part...
Leftovers for breakfast.
Okay, I know my $50 sliver doesn't seem like much, but if I get 800 more slivers, that is one year of college.
And then, three more years, that's only 2,400 slivers.
[Giggles] I don't know about you guys, but to me, that seems pretty doable.
[Door opens, closes]
Hey, Axl. 
What are you doing here?
Nothing... just wanted some breakfast and to see what you losers were up to.
Did you get that paper done?
Oh, yeah. 
Whole two minutes early.
Told you I was on top of it.
[Sighs]
Hey, you know, I've been kind of thinking about my major.
Mm. 
About business?
Yeah.
What is...
It?
You don't know what business is?
No.
Well, I know, but, like...
Okay, I graduate in business, so then, what do I do... exactly?
- Mm.
- Oh, my gosh.
I could see you doing so many things.
I mean, you're so good with people, you could go into sales...
Maybe be one of those pharmaceutical salesmen?
I think the most important thing is to work for a company that gives out free pens with the logo on it.
Okay, not helping.
Relax, Axl. 
You don't have to figure it out right now.
You're only a sophomore.
Yeah, and when you graduate, the school has, like, job-placement counselors to help you out with those things.
Really?
Whew! 
[Chuckles]
I feel so much better now.
Suck it, future! 
I'll be worried about you later.
Sue, hit me.
Frankie: 
Yep, when you're just starting out, the world can seem like a scary place.
But sometimes just knowing your family is there to come home to makes you feel a little less alone.
And that's not scary at all.
Okay, Brick, one more time... what should you do when you pick up a girl for a date?
Stare in her bedroom window to see if she's home?
- [Imitates buzzer] 
- That is not the right answer.
Walk in and look at her books until she's ready?
- Nope.
- No, come on.
No. 
That's better.
Talk to her parents until she's ready?
Hey! 
Hey! 
Hey! 
Hey!
There you go! 
All right!
Really? 
That's the right answer? 
That was my joke answer.
[Chuckles]

This programme contains some violent scenes and some strong language
- We don't know what happened.
- My little girl is dead!
He either slipped and cracked his face on the way down or someone smashed his head into the rocks.
You want me to play Judas?
Another way of looking at it - your friend's been blown off course.
That's Part A and the decryption key, will it be enough?
Can you get me a copy of the breach report?
I don't know if I can do this any more.
Go, go!
Hey, it's me. 
Give us a call when you get this.
You hacked into a system and stole some files that do not belong to you.
I want to know why and where the files are now.
- Where have you been?
- Not allowed to say.
No, no, no, no!
- I'm so tired.
- So sleep.
- I can't!
Yes, you can.
It's weird, sharing him with someone. 
It's good.
Coover's very keen to know that you've retrieved each and every copy.
And if I somehow manage to get it, am I done?
I can't be here any more.
Jess?
I have hot dogs, jam fairy cakes, lemonade, which will either make you feel better, or put you into a diabetic coma.
Hello?
Jess?
Jesse? 
Oh, no.
You have no idea how much trouble you're in.
Jesse!
No, not the van.
Come on, Jesse.
HE BREATHES HEAVILY
Hey.
Hey, hey, it's OK. 
It's OK.
It's me.
It's just you and me.
Pretty blunt way to tell someone you're not into them.
Trina Daniels. 
She was a Gold member on e-date.
Until six months ago.
- "Sensitive, intelligent lady looking for a sensitive, intelligent man".
- HE CHUCKLES
Cue your mate Andy King.
"I was wandering in the dark and you found me.
- "Now I never want to leave the light." 
- HE CHUCKLES
Missed his calling.
So, he tell you he'd found the love of his life?
His wife was the love of his life.
I didn't know he was even having coffee with this woman.
What, and he'd have told you?
Once upon a time.
His wife's Redress of Grievance file at the Defence Department makes for an, oh, an interesting read.
Yeah. 
Well, if someone had bothered to write back to her once in a while, maybe she wouldn't have needed to try so hard to get their attention.
She drove into a tree. 
Hardly the army's fault.
She drove into a tree because she was clinically depressed, something the army never acknowledged or approved any help for.
What, "I can't conceive"? 
What, and that's the army's fault too?
Listen, she was a friend of mine, if you want to adjust your pitch a little.
Trina Daniels worked in data encryption at Physanto.
Downloaded the first part of a highly classified file on the day she was murdered.
Probably fair to say he was getting a little extra out of the romance.
And the last thing she printed when she left the building was a breach report. 
It has Jesse Banks' IP address on it.
Now if she gave that to King, could he find him?
He could find the Ark of the Covenant if he wanted to.
So, yeah, if I were Banks, I'd expect a visit.
Text intercepted on the way down to King two minutes ago.
GPS is picking him up at the National Capital University.
You look tired.
Yeah, well, it's been a tricky week.
Who's the kid?
Malik's nephew. 
Here doing computer science.
He's going to check the file credentials for me, which I'm presuming you brought along.
Andy?
HE SPEAKS IN URDU
Yes, I have a gun.
You speak Urdu?
HE SPEAKS IN URDU
He says it's incomplete.
- Well, you know, things didn't quite go to plan.
- I do.
- But this is not what we agreed.
- No, and I was not planning to have a head-on collision two weeks out from kickoff date!
Look, there's been a huge spike in security. 
It's going to take a little more time.
So maybe we should settle on a staged delivery.
I just gave you 50%, right?
I want 50% of the fee so I can grease the odd wheel or two to get us over the line.
It's not as clear cut as that.
You might have delivered 50% but without the second half, those files are as good as useless.
Yeah? 
Well, I'm not sure everyone will see it that way.
You reckon you're the only buyer?
You talk to anyone else, and I guarantee you'll spend 20 years in Supermax.
You take a deep breath and you go get the second half of those files.
Let's not fuck this up so close to the finish line, eh?
HE SHOUTS
What the fuck you doing?
HE SCOFFS
Hello, Lyn.
What are you doing, Andy?
Well, I'm not sure you'd understand so why don't you get out of the car and forget you saw me.
No, it's gone beyond that.
They know about the accident. 
They know about Physanto.
And the files you got from Trina.
For Christ's sake, tell me something, Andy.
The woman was blackmailed. 
She had a knife, self defence, something.
Missed you guys.
I'm sorry.
Been busy with Annie...
And the pregnancy, I know.
She looks good, Lyn, hey?
Such a lucky prick.
You take care of each other, eh?
I have Andy King.
We're in Linnaeus Way. 
We're in a silver dual-cab ute, number plate Yankee Foxtrot Xray 9er 3 Papa. 
I'm requesting backup.
Leave him.
Please repeat.
Let him run.
Repeat that, please.
It's an order. 
Let him run.
No, he didn't take them with him.
No, that's not good.
So if he doesn't turn up for his appointment, can you just give me a couple of hours' grace before you notify?
Thanks, Dr Shore. 
Appreciate it.
A profile page that tells you nothing.
Yeah, well, it's not meant to. 
It's not a real page.
Oh, nice!
What do you mean, it's not a real page?
No, I mean it's like, keeping your room clean as a kid, you do that, your mum walks past, she sees tidy, she thinks everything's cool.
If everything's cool, she's not going to go nosing under your bed where you're hiding your nasty stuff.
Mm! 
Lucky old Jess.
How about Jake?
I already have a name.
We need new ones. 
The people who grabbed you are serious operators.
We can't give them anything to trace.
Fake names won't hide us for long.
What about...
Robin?
Robin Banks?
SHE LAUGHS
Who are you?
Stay in the car.
I won't be long.
Mamajun? 
Baba?
Hani, I can't get my e-mails.
All right, I'll get it.
What's this?
You don't read the papers any more?
Not if I can help it. 
Mainstream media are idiots.
I don't even know why you bother.
There you go, Maman. 
Don't let him play with it.
Remember the Poli/Sci study camp the uni's running at Jervis Bay?
I told you about it.
You want to go to a study camp?
It's three days intensive. 
Mock essays, mock exams.
- Teedee's going.
- Then it will be mock study.
I already told her I'd go!
It's not working again.
You're killing me!
DOORBELL RINGS
- Thank you very much.
- I thought you were going to stay in the car.
Your friends don't need to stay in the car. 
Some tea, Robin?
Are you sure we have time? 
Robin's driving with me to Jervis Bay.
Is he? 
Have you ever been in an accident before, Robin?
No. 
I haven't even got a licence.
You...you're not driving...
No, see, Dad, he's driving with me. 
I said he's driving with me.
It's Robin's brother's car, but I'm going to be driving.
He's driving with me. 
I'll see you in a couple of days.
Hani, if I call your phone, you don't pick up after three rings,
- I'm coming down there.
- Bye, Dad.
- See you later.
Nice to meet you, Robin. 
Bye-bye!
Seemed to be having a bit of trouble with your mic feed.
Yeah, must have got caught up as I got in the car.
What's your read? 
Where's his head?
Well, I can only assume it's full of details you don't want in the public domain.
That's the trouble with security clearances.
There's no erase button when somebody loses the plot.
Which brings us back to a watching brief until further notice.
Hey, who's he?
Mason Cole. 
He's our international partner on this.
Cole brought us the first intel on your mate's newest business associate. 
Niko Gaelle.
Charged with dual-use export breaches in Europe, arms traffic in the Middle East, Bangladesh, Angola, China, Iran.
But he's clearly had the funds to buy his way out of a charge, until now.
Now our American friends have been watching him for six months, and what's become clear is that he and Andy King are brokering a deal to steal the Physanto IP and sell it on the black market.
So why don't they bust 'em themselves?
The crime's happening on Australian soil. 
Australian jurisdiction.
So you see, relatively speaking, Andy King's very small fry.
HE COUGHS
Hey.
The aunties up at Youngmar, they sent this over.
They thought you'd be sick of the hospital food.
That's nice.
Kitty, should I take that down the kitchen and warm it up?
Thanks.
You found out who did this yet?
No, not yet.
How's he doing?
Talked with Carl and his mob?
You know they blame him for their girl.
You know that.
So why haven't you talked to him?
You don't care.
Of course I care. 
But we don't want a war, Kitty.
Do what you're supposed to do.
Don't bring food. 
Bring answers.
HE COUGHS
- Al.
- Mm?
You can back off a bit now.
Well, what does that mean?
Well, Kitty's here. 
You and Missy don't need to stay.
Oh, thank you, Officer. 
Thank you for clearing that up(!
)
You take sides and this is going to end badly. 
You know that.
Who's taking sides?
See, I don't get how that works.
I sit here with Clarence and I can't go to Sheyna's funeral?
You know what I'm talking about.
When was the last time you slept?
I don't know.
Come for dinner.
I don't think that's...
A good idea?
Carl?
Tim.
How did it go?
Yeah, getting there, you know.
Some people heard about the money they're offering and they want it now, and others still don't trust 'em as far as they can throw 'em.
I need a word.
Anyone in the family driving a dual cab these days?
We haven't touched him.
I'd like to shake the hand of the man who did.
You haven't answered the question, Carl.
I want that little prick to pay properly, huh?
If you need it for your paperwork, the answer to your question is no.
When did you last put water in this?
You can't mix water and petrol. 
Everybody knows that.
All we can do is wait for it to cool down.
Do you want to go in the back and relax?
Relaxed?
Mm-hm.
So tell me about the house.
Oh, ah, we used to go there as kids, with my dad.
It's nice.
Near a national park.
There are kangaroos.
Perfect.
Um, I need a drink.
There's water...
- No, it's, it's OK. 
I'll...
- Jesse!
I'll go to, ah... to there. 
To the shops.
I'll go there, and then I'll come back. 
Just...
Jesse, it's miles back.
'This is Ned Banks.
'Leave me your number and I'll call you back as soon as I can.
'Talk soon.' BEEP
Ned, it's me.
Um, what does it mean when someone asks if you want to relax?
Does that mean relax, or does it mean, like,
- relax-relax?
- COINS RATTLE
It took my money.
Or is it designed to do that?
Cos you could design it to do that. 
It's just a simple adjustment.
'It keeps taking my money.
'Um, yeah, so when she says "relax", 'does that mean relax, or not relax?
'
'Can I ask her?
'Would you ask her? 
'You probably would. 
Maybe I'll...'
BEEP
You know that this is just basically sugar.
There has to be a sugar content of at least 30% for a slush to form.
Cos sugar's like an anti-freeze, it, um, bonds with the water molecules to prevent them from becoming frozen.
Many people use the, ah, use the internet?
Yeah.
Couldn't be that fast, though, could it?
NBN.
Optic fibre. 
That's ah, potentially gigabytes per second.
Couldn't be that fast, though, could it?
Relax, Robin.
I'll just be five minutes.
That should get things rolling.
'When someone asks if you want to relax, 'like, does that mean relax or does it mean, you know, like relax-relax?
'
BEEP
'Hi, leave a message if you want.'
Hi.
I, um...
How's Jesse?
I don't know.
Driving around Christ's knows where with a girl he met five minutes ago who's asking him to relax.
It's not really in the genes, is it, relaxing?
If you're anything to go by.
I can relax.
Horseshit.
For the record, the first time I ever heard the word "Lindara"
was when you called me on the way to the airport.
Did it mean anything to you?
But I haven't looked.
Would you?
People are usually a bit more subtle when they ask me to break the terms of my employment.
How about Physanto?
SHE SIGHS
Biotech. 
Med research. 
Worth a truckload.
I think it's more than that.
Or not only.
But I can't get past the foyer of their web page to figure out exactly what.
I remember Randall asked me to read their submission for last year's health white paper.
Genetic tissue, artificial skin, treatment protocol with some new laser technology.
I will have a look and see what is bumping about tomorrow.
Thank you.
You look like someone unplugged you.
Somewhere between relaxed and completely lost.
Not used to not knowing where he is.
Have you done everything in your power to find him?
I think... 
I have. 
I have.
Have you considered the possibility that maybe he wants you to leave him alone?
PHONE VIBRATING
VIBRATING CONTINUES
I take medication.
I'm supposed to. 
I don't like it very much.
This amount of sugar isn't recommended.
BEEPING
Oh!
Not so smart tonight, are we?
'Are you listening, shithead?
'
Enough with the fuckin' humming!
We're closing.
You're a convenience store. 
You never close.
If you closed, it wouldn't be convenient.
You couldn't call yourself convenient.
Please finish your e-mails and pay.
We're closed now.
24 dollars.
For what?
£3 per 15 minutes. 
NBN price.
I can do maths. 
I was very good at maths.
A lot better than you.
That clock is wrong.
I haven't been here for two hours.
24 dollars.
Um...
Do you have a card?
I'm not allowed to use it in case they find us.
Maybe I should just go.
Maybe I should call the police.
KNOCKING
We're closed.
That was so easy. 
Right into the Chief Law Officer's system.
Little worms, I planted little worms, time locked, so I can get back in whenever I need to.
Hey, how far is the house?
I don't know. 
About two cassettes' worth.
We used to time the trip, always with the same albums.
Hans Christian Andersen went on after The Mamas  The Papas, and then Dad would put on Queen, We Are The Champions.
And I'm a champion because I fucked that guy up big time.
Please, please, please. 
Please, please.
- 'Hi, leave a message if you want.' 
- BEEP
Jesse, it's me.
Please call me back.
I can't do this anymore.
Please.
INDISTINCT CHATTER
I called you last night.
Oh, I worked late. 
Slept on the couch.
MOUSE CLICKS
Took to yourself with a felt pen in your sleep, did you?
Was that before or after your drinking session with Ned Banks?
Sorry, this is relevant how?
What did he want?
Chitchat.
And what did you chitchat about?
His brother. 
We're old friends.
I'm not sure it's an acquaintance that would serve you well in the long run.
Particularly considering he's no longer in the press gallery.
Well, I'm not sure you qualify for an opinion.
No, probably not. 
But there are others who do.
That's a nice...
leaf, Mrs Banks.
I'm meant to see Jesse today, but I can't find him.
Do you think he's gone away?
Mrs Banks?
Don't I even get a kiss anymore?
You need to shave.
This is what happens when I don't keep on at you.
What would I do without you?
Are you taking both the boys with you this time?
Taking them both.
Please take Neddy. 
He felt very left out before.
I promise.
Get them to help with the yard.
The grass is getting so long.
There's too many places for snakes to hide.
This is Tang Qing-shan
Tang Qing-shan...
For the record what do you know about the incident?
What incident ?
I never saw any baby girl
Brother Tang
You said yesterday that you saw her
I never said that, you heard me wrong
Sister, what are you trying to pull?
Mr. Gao
Mr. Gao
Please ask him again
Mr. Gao
Mr. Gao
Stop following me!
What's going on?
What's wrong?
You told me yesterday that you saw the baby
You heard me wrong, I never said that
Yes you did! 
You said it on the stairs!
I did not
Are you afraid of getting into trouble?
Sister
I'm from out of town, I can't afford to stir up trouble
Don't get me involved
Tang! 
What are you doing?
- Coming!
- Wait!
Just wait
This is where I'm staying
Come over tonight
I have something to discuss
We...
We can talk some more
You must come
You're here
Come in
Sit
Have some water
Brother Tang
I know I can't force you... to testify for me
But according to the law
I must prove that my baby girl was abandoned... before I can get her back
You must testify for me
I'm from out of town
It hasn't been easy for me to make a living in the city
I don't have time to get involved
So... how much do you want?
How can you say that!
We're all in the same boat!
I don't want your money
Sister...don't do this...
- Get up 
- I beg you...
It's embarrassing
I'm begging You"-
You're making this hard for me
Sister
Get up
Get up now
Please help me
Sister...
Brother
Why don't you sleep here tonight?
What changed Tang Qing-shafts mind?
There's the director
Director Fan
This is my lawyer
Director
According to witness, Tang Qing-Shan on February 9, 2010, at around 1pm
Yang Ming-fu found an abandoned baby girl...
Yang left Shenzhen on the same day at 4pm... by train to return to his hometown in Anhui
We have proof that Yang Ji-fang was abandoned therefore as stated by The Adoption Law
Yang Ji-fang is eligible for adoption
Even so we prefer Ji-fang to be adopted by someone from Shenzhen
The quality of life and education here is much better... than in rural areas
It would offer her a better future
Director Fan, I must remind you that...
Yang Ji-fang has been raised by my client, Li Hong-qin
They have a bond that the other candidates don't possess
You're asking me... to return an abducted child after the police rescued her
How do you think the public would react?
What about the parents of missing children?
But my client had no knowledge of such criminal activities
If she knew, do you think we'd be talking now?
At least, allow my client to see Yang Ji-fang
Try to understand, we deal with... many parents who bought and raised abducted children
We always deny such requests
My client's different
She has the right to see the child, you have no right to stop her
We're Yang Ji-fang's legal guardians doesn't that give us the right?
Why do you keep bullying me?
I've begged you and tried to reason with you
Why can't you let me see my child?
Stop yelling or you must leave
Why can't I see her?
I just want to see her
If you refuse to cooperate, I'll sue the Orphanage!
What did you say? 
Repeat what you said
I'll file a lawsuit against you tomorrow, you hear me?
The People's Court serves the people, but not your kind of people!
You're bullying me because you look down on us
Who says we can't raise children?
Say what you want
Carry on
Lu Xiao-juan has already applied to adopt Yang Ji-fang
She's the candidate I was talking about
Is that clear?
Have you calmed down?
The Orphanage has its own restrictions
Think about it, your husband kidnapped a child
If they returned Ji-fang to you what kind of message would it send out?
The law is more important than individuals, right?
Try to imagine things from their perspective
What we lack in our country is the ability to place oneself in someone else's shoes
But Ji-fang is my daughter
Mr. Gao, you're not helping me anymore?
I said I'd help you fight for your child
I never said I'd help you sue the Orphanage
I've done my best
We've reached the end of the road
I wish you... luck
Stop child trafficking
No Buyers, no Sellers
Excuse me
What are you doing, Li Hong-qin? 
Watch out
Mama
Ji-gang
Do you remember mama?
Someone is hugging Pengpeng
How have you been?
Who are you?
- Let him go 
- Who is this?
- The wife of Peng's abductor 
- The abductor?
The abductor?
What are you doing?
You dare you show here?
What are you doing?
Let him go!
Shameless bitch! 
Kill her!
She kidnaps children!
Stop it!
Stop hitting her!
Stop it!
What are you doing?
Enough
Enough
Calm down!
What do you think you're doing?
You get UP!
Get up!
That's enough
Get up!
Let's all stop now!
Enough
I beg you, give us back our children
That's enough
Do you know what we've been through?
Get up
Get up
Stop crying, give us back our children
That's enough
You'll pay for your sins
I'm sorry
What good is sorry?
Give us back our children!
Why are you here?
- Why are you here?
- Stop it!
Enough!
Do you know what she's been through?
Get out of here!
Leave!
Get lost!
Come to dinner
Okay
Are you coming or not?
Just start without me, ma
If you're not eating, leave!
Sister, did she take her medicine?
Medicine? 
Are you trying to poison me?
I've been a teacher and taught countless students
I've never done one bad thing
So many of them are so accomplished
But my daughter ended up a criminal.
Am I to blame?
It wasn't your fault, ma
She made her own choices
Why are you always so busy?
You come home late everyday
I told you to replace the curtains
Someone hides behind them and plays harmonica at night
Why can't you get rid of them?
I told you already
No one is hiding behind the curtains
Didn't the doctor tell you to increase the dose?
Ma
It's all my fault
Mr. Gao
I want to quit
I'll leave tomorrow
No! 
Sister, I'll give you a raise
It's not about the money.
There's a family emergency
I must go home
Could you just... stay on for a few more days until I find a replacement?
Alright then
I found a penny on the sidewalk
I handed it to Mr. Policeman
He took the penny and nodded to me
Sister
How did you manage to call me from inside?
A man had a cell phone
He said to call a friend.
You're the only person I know
If it happens again, just tell them... you're a tourist then they won't ask for your residency card
I'm staying in Shenzhen
I'll find work tomorrow
Look at this city
It's so wealthy
I'll get Ji-fang back for you
This is the 5,000 yuan you gave me
It's free this time
Legal aid
No need to thank me
Remember the day we first met, I asked you... if you knew Tian Peng was abducted
You hesitated before answering
My husband had one last request before he died
He told me never to visit Shenzen
He looked deep into my eyes and died moments later
Would you say I knew or didn't know?
If it happened just as you described... tell people that you didn't know
When I asked you to have another child, you said no
Now that Pengpeng is back, you want to adopt another one?
What are you thinking?
I've had enough! 
I'm fed up!
Lu Xiao-juan, say something
Say something
Let's get divorced
Go remarry your ex
We're here to apply for a birth permit
Please submit your ID cards, household registration and marriage certificate
Here are the ID cards
I understand your situation
Your first son...
Han Xiao-bao...
I need his death certificate
Wait
Have you been drinking?
My son has been missing for 6 years
I've searched for 6 years
He's not dead. 
I don't have the certificate
That's not what I meant.
Please don't misunderstand
We'll grant you another birth permit once your first child is declared dead
We've been posting search ads for years
You can find them on the internet
No, that's not what he meant
My son is not dead
My son is still alive
He's alive
How could you ask me to have him declared dead?
Personally, I sympathize with your situation
But rules are rules
Don't give me that
Rules are rules?
You can't get rid of us that easily
I'm a taxpayer
I don't owe the government a penny
I did my part, I fulfilled all my duties
If you fail to fulfill your duties
I'll file a complaint!
We follow rules and regulations here
We're open and transparent
Give me your name, I'm filing a complaint!
Idiots! 
I'm here for a birth permit!
You keep hounding me for a death certificate?
My wife is pregnant!
If you don't issue the birth permit what is she supposed to do?
Pengpeng, blow...
Blow them out
Thank you...
Congratulations. 
Cheers...
He looks just like his father
The same eyes, right?
Brother Tian, Sister Xiao-juan
Cheers
Inspector, I'd like to propose a toast to you
My liver is weak. 
Let's toast with tea instead
That's good enough...cheers!
Pengpeng
Brother Han, no...
We can't accept this
Really
It's from Fan Yun
Pengpeng
Uncle Han has only one wish that you always listen to your parents and not go running off
Study hard, do you hear?
Thank you Uncle Han
Good boy
Pengpeng wouldn't be here without your help
From now on, my son is your son
He'll call you dad from now on
Dad
- Bottoms up 
- Alright
That's all
I have something to say
Quiet, everyone
Mr. Han has an announcement
My wife...
Fan Yun... is pregnant
It's legal
Sorry, I let you all down
What do you mean? 
You didn't let us down
It's a wonderful news
It's time for a morale boost
Come on
Cheer up
Cheer up
Cheer up, cheer up, cheer up
Come on
I become stronger... with every solitude
I cry no tears even when I'm hurt
It's because...
I have a pair of invisible wings that carry me... over despair
I don't envy those... who own the beautiful sun
I only know each magic hour is a little different
It's because...
I have a pair of invisible wings that carry me... over despair
Finally I fly... when all dreams come true when my young voice sings loud and clear
Finally I fly... when all dreams come true when my young voice sings loud and clear
I can see the day... when all dreams come true when my young voice sings loud and clear
When the old man was sick, he said he was busy with work
He said it was costly and not necessary
During his final days at the hospital he said he was working overseas
We ended up paying for everything
Yes
This is Gao Xia
Mr. Gao?
I want to talk to you about Lu Xiao-juan
I don't get it
Why do you always take her side?
Does this court listen to reason?
Can't you two end this peacefully?
Have you no shame?
You know what you did
Look in the mirror
Shut your filthy mouth...
Li Hong-qin
You're next
Oh...
Let's commence
I have a busy day ahead
Please focus on the key issues
Your Honor
My client requests that adoption candidate, Lu Xiao-juan to be part of the hearing
Allowed
The plaintiff, please present your case
Your Honor
My client, Li Hong-Qin no longer wishes to adopt Yang Ji-fang but to become her foster parent
She wants to be responsible for raising Yang if authorized by the Orphanage
Go on, I'm listening
To meet this obligation, my client will stay and work in Shenzhen
My client feels that... given Li's lack of formal education even if she works in Shenzhen she will not be able to provide for Yang Ji-fang
According to The Adoption Law: 
Article 6.2 the adopting parent must... be able to raise and educate the adopted child
Is she not able to raise a child?
Just because she's from a rural area?
Are the billion farmers also unfit to raise children...
The plaintiff's attorney
That's going too far
Stick to the case
May I Speak?
I want to adopt Yang Ji-fang so that she and my son can grow up together
It will benefit the development of both children
Then tell me who is the most important family member for Yang?
If she had to choose between her mother and her brother... the answer is obvious
Legally speaking, Li Hong-qin is not Yang's mother
We should keep the debate within the legal framework... instead of entering into irrelevant discussions
The plaintiff's attorney
You're repeating the same argument
Your Honor
Ji-fang is waiting for me to take her home
I made a promise to her
I can't break my promise
Sister Lu
I know I've hurt your family
But Ji-fang has been living with me since she was two months old
I'm her only family now
I promised Pengpeng to bring his sister home
Please understand, my petition has nothing to do with you
It's for the future of both children
For the sake of the kids
I'm begging you
More importantly... the Orphanage supports Lu's bid to adopt Yang Ji-fang
But Lu is not eligible to adopt
According to The Adoption Law: 
Article 1O
When a married person adopts a child the spouse must consent to the adoption
To my knowledge
Lu and her husband Qin are filing for divorce
Lu Xiao-juan
Is it true that you are filing for divorce?
Lu Xiao-juan ls the plaintiff's attorney telling the truth?
Yes
Why didn't you mention this?
Did you intend to adopt Yang on your own?
We weren't informed of this either
You should have informed us in advance
This is no laughing matter
How did you find out?
Your husband called me
Let's end this chatter
Lu Xiao-juan
Your divorce has yet to be processed
You still require your spouse's consent for adoption
If you file on your own your petition will be rejected
You may leave now
I'll call you later
Your Honor
Now that she's no longer eligible, can I have Ji-fang?
Li Hong-qin
You will have your turn to speak
I sympathize with your situation
But you must understand you're asking me to return a rescued child... to the family that abducted her
Would you do this if you were in my shoes?
Ji-fang was not abducted
She was abandoned
And you...
Do you just accept any case for money?
Next
Mr. Gao
Are they returning Ji-fang to me...
Yes or no?
The case is rejected now
But we can appeal to a higher court
Meanwhile
You can stay here
Help me take care of my mother
You'll still be in Shenzhen, close to Ji-fang
I'll pay you a salary
You'll be all set once you get your medical test results
Mother
This is Sister Li, she's here to take care of you
Hello
Sit down, I'll get you some water
What do you want?
This isn't the first time I've seen you sneaking around
I just wanted to see my child
No!
Let me make this clear
You're not my son's mother
This is pointless
I told myself not to hate you, but that's it
Don't come here again
Brother
Don't give him any peaches
He's allergic to them
Get lost
Go away
Wait here for your test results
I'll see you after my ma's checkup
Li Hong-qin
Right here
Li Hong-qin...
You're pregnant
What did you say?
You're pregnant
That can't be
I'm infertile
Who told you this?
My man said so
I couldn't get pregnant
The results are conclusive
(Eastern dialect) Hello everyone
(Eastern dialect) My name is Tian Peng
I am six years old
My father's name is Tian Wen-jun
My mother's name is Lu Xiao-juan
And I have a little sister
Her name is Yang Ji-fang
I've seen him, he is our son Lele
I keep counting the days when I'll get to see my daughter again
When I'll see her again
I just want to take her home I can take care of her
He's your father too
This man being called father is Sun Hai-yang
Is this her home?
Yes, that's the one
So that's Sister Gao's home
We came that way
I was waiting for you out back
You didn't need to get me anything
It's kind enough you are visiting me
These are Lele's awards
We used to sit here for dinner... four or five of us
That was then
I'm all that's left
I don't want to stay in this house
My children are gone
I feel so alone

Tian Wenjun your package
Xiao Zhen received the parcel
This side
Okay
Civil Engineering and
What do a morning my lines also get rid of
I made a mistake you faster okay
You quickly I still do business here
You quickly
I had this line I tied strips of red string
That is how I can not find which one
Hsiao helped me look at is not the root
Did not move do not move do not move
This is the root Try again
Do not look at the TV you see the line did not move
He moved up a root
Boss make a long distance
One One
Hsiao give me some water
Father
Peng Peng
Where back at what time
Two hours to the I'll call you
Peng Peng your mother went to work in this painting right
Okay
A pro with her mother
Good boy
Wen Jun
You help me help me see stall
I went to my feather
Well I went to look on the back
THX
Feather
Feather
Son
Which you optimistic about the
Optimistic about the
This little bunny ah this is a bar
We bring it home okay
Go
Boss Founding machine to open a loom
ID card
Yesterday the boss out of the water washed away the identity card
Now do not go through
He is now the age of eighteen friends
You see the way he knows it
Go! 
Go! 
Go
Why you
Will you do this
He looked at me and talk
Go go go
But not only your family
Gone
There is no business to do
And so on
Father
Father
Civil Engineering and it
Father
Peng Peng
Son back
Sleepy Bear you let it get some sleep
Okay
Come
Sing
I looked at the wound Peng Peng
We will certainly have to fall scar you say such a nice child
Peng Peng we do not learn
Do not speak in tongues speak Mandarin
How about you say I talk to a lot of times do not teach dialect
I would like to
How a child does not say Shaanxi Shaanxi saying what
I is not a good relationship with you and I Peng Peng
You do not control
Right back to it
I can not say this should speak Chinese
Where to play today
Go to the park
You usually nothing on the Internet you look at those early education
He says three to five year old should be with mother
Court of the child to whom you do not forget it
What words to say go with the court
I was talking about this issue right
I was talking to a child's psychological health
Health with your health your health
I discovered how it will always be like this \ N what comes last
I said this not for myself I have to children
The line I told you what would say go with the court
You calm down
Court calls you remember I beg of you 63454742 Do not force me to Civil Engineering and
You fight to calm down okay
I told you we two Biechao
We two are not anything new tricks to noisy
Knock Knock
You his mother Knock
Knock mom
You do not understand how these things always do
I tell you
We two are not the same place my fate in life you do not recognize
It is that thing
Recognize what fate
Good to bye with mom
Goodbye Mom
You say you go back
You go back
Go back
You go back
Come back next week
You come back next week
Goodbye
Goodbye Mom
Peng Peng come kiss with her mother
Peng Peng to play the game
Mom to see you next week
Bye with her mother
Bye
If you want me to call me
Good
Who court
They are his uncle
Why did not he like her mother
Look
The snake is not even one with a snake
The snake it
His uncle Uncle him two
They are his uncle
High table and low stool
What
They were of wood
There is a point card
Peng Peng Peng Peng
We'll go skating right
He can not get out you go
I went to
Not in this fight
You do not let him run around looking Xiaoyu
We go to play it
Father
I did not finish a game you do not give me shut up
To hear me play outside
Playground
Playground
Where playground
Mom
Peng Peng
Peng Peng
Peng Peng Xiaoyu it
He was not gone home yet
No
He do not let you optimistic you go up
We play outside the kindergarten
He ran I thought he went home
This is how you do it is
You see him go where to go
How the Oda
Do not scare children
Not just the kids played together,
Peng Peng could not find it
My afternoon in the street
Peng Peng's mother like to see
Will her away
Look for
Eat dinner
Something wrong do you
Lu Xiaojuan I tell you
So what you think about the future
Peng Peng ah you have no manners
Not what you want to do
Peng Peng yet
Peng Peng how will this do
He Shang Naqu
You get him where to go
Feed
I reported the case to the police station it could not find my son
Your name home address
I called Civil Engineering and
Then the
I live in Nanshan
Baishizhou 125 A
How long missing
About two or three hours it
That period of time over where to find it
I do not have ah
Why else would you go
I now find you can now send someone over it
Our system provides
Missing Persons not filing within 24 hours
Everywhere that you look for it
I
Feed
Husband
Peng Peng lost
You come on back
Long-distance passenger train pit mouth
卢哥 that
Fourth fourth mouth people
You go there
Your other few points
I ran all to see
What are you doing
Tian Peng time away from home is half past four
First appeared in the surveillance video is
Crossroads five forty-five Belle building next
This is Tian Peng right
It was last seen Luohu Railway Station entrance
Civil Engineering and
You said you went to the Luohu Railway Station is seven the number of points
Seven forty
You are not bureaucratic jargon with us
Is that you say do not within twenty-four hours to put on record
I have been looking for so we just wasted time
We are handling procedures in line with the
What is the handling procedures
You are serving the people do you
All cool down
I understand your feelings
Every year our parents of missing children reported to the police \ N lot
At first they told you all the same
So be it
You guys first PUC
Do a DNA blood test to prepare for retirement
In case the children will find it
First go back
Why froze the phone
Go go to the left
The first room inside
Juan Well
Juan let go Kuaifang Kai
Okay, okay Juan
Juan let go
Civil Engineering and
You also I Peng Peng
Line
Stand up
Hello everyone my name is Civil Engineering and
This is my son Tian Peng
He was July 18, 2009
About 17:00 near home lost
He was wearing a yellow jacket with a red running shoes
On his forehead and a gauze
Please see the man on the phone and Photos
I thank you also please look at
Especially in children begging beside the road
And if someone bought my son
He ate peaches allergies do not give him to eat peaches
Hey have you seen my son
You want to know if you send your money to come
If you talk to me about money, then I will exchange
Not you first send money
I gotta look Look
I really was your son hijacked
Tian Peng now next to me
When what you give me the money exchange over
So you look so good
You tell him the scar on his forehead and believe me there are a few centimeters
I'm sure the money remitted to you
Wait me
Child is not easy to find
No fate hard to find
I understand your brother Tian
When Dad anxious mood
The child I was in the vicinity of several cell searched
Later, he found the door of the nursery
Really a bit like
To Come
Do not worry do not worry
Peng Peng
Peng Peng
Look who's here
Peng Peng together
Look who's here
This is not my son
Called Dad
Dad
He bring your dad
I do not know my son
Big Brother Big Brother
You look more like you
Took him away
Big Brother Big Brother I beg you I beg you
I could not afford this child
You put him away Brother
Big crowd
Lifelong search
That while we breathe let alone not find
No buyer, there is no seller
No seller would be no trafficking
Also I hope to buy kids \ N able to treat our children
You even newspapers have reported missing dog
Why do not you report something my son abducted
Your son is not something we have not had reported
But this has been a year with no news of the
I am sorry
Hey where are you
In Hebei
You really went that person is a liar
I have not looked at photographs of the children
The picture is a synthetic I had to find someone to identify the
Feed
I was in the crowd outside
You go through the crowd head to see me
I saw you over it
Peng Peng
Hold on stand
Front guy is scrambling
Do not run stand backpack
The backpack
To live in his column in front of me
The money to pay out
Knock
I have this life-saving money
We just money quickly
Money out just fine
I jumped
You really do not order
I'm begging you
Who you are
Stop it
Stop it
His uncle Uncle him two
They are his uncle
High table and low stool
Good Lu Xiaojuan I want to begin with you do a test
Imagine a picture \ N in the picture you're carrying heavy weights
Kept walking ring
I will not go in the end you go prescribed number of laps
At what point would you put down the weights
What
Why should I carrying it
But I think in there life
You're in bear some of the pain of the past
And some of the heavy burden
You can not talk my husband said not to
Under such a situation to talk to my sexual demands
I think
I have been very annoying
Well I think you look at this issue from a different angle
On the surface he was raised requirements
But perhaps behind him
Eager to tell you again have a new child
I find it funny
Why
I had seen psychiatrists say
I've seen a psychiatrist
But my husband did not know it
Perhaps the important thing is not how we say
The rest of us how to see
I hope you see we are trying to help you
I hope you are able to have a good state and life
I need help ex-husband
In fact, he's very serious disease
But he did not know
Do you have kids
Your child does not lose
Cried
No
No, no,
I drop eyedrops
You said that the rent, is not it \ N I'm sure to give you a couple of days
A military
I have a friend who took a fancy to this shop
I also promised to sublet to him
You see these two days to pack up to move it
Do you do this and then also I rent it
Do not worry that you slow me two sure to rent
That money, I do not intend to be a good thing to do when a
You do not
I said to come back in case children
His own words came back to him over a look
This kind of changed
But for this I had to hurry because you're gone
So I have a little hurry
So I go first
Boss
That I'll have to return home
Sources do
No
Look so bad
You take care of yourself
You go to bed to sleep okay
Or sleep
You eat this it can sleep well
Anxious not sleep it
Try it if you tell me nice
Call it something away
Lu Xiaojuan
And so I'll take you places
I am a primary school teacher
After the accident in order to find the child I quit my job
A long time I suddenly found
My eyes seemed to have a function
How should I say
So that as soon as I saw \ N the number of street children
Boys and girls look like
He is not my son I see a quasi
Really
Three years
I gave birth to a son
To be honest
I feel betrayed my daughter
Then every day I find one street
I can see the brush
Then
They say I'm crazy
Take me to the hospital
Daytime want
Night dream
Dream could not find more than when found
I know I'm not crazy
I it was faking his illness
I only way
I was able to hold on
I just told them I did not give up
I will find my son
Necessary
Refuel
Welcome to
Together once again to us thousands of miles to find child will \ N this warm home
I would like to reiterate again
We lost child is irreplaceable
Firm can not be reproduced next
To keep searching forever
Civil Engineering and family have requested to share
I
Some years I came to Shenzhen
Start a business at a loss
Later, my wife just divorced
I did not expect the child to later lose
You felt propped himself \ N it seems the last one off the line too
I went home I said to myself in the mirror
Civil Engineering and I said it I said, you have to find this child
As long as you find him to be able to find
Right
But then you feel something \ N you think do not quite understand
You say I
I have to make this child abducted
I have become the person that you say servant
You say they cheat me
You say how can this person do this
Then later that later these days \ N even the liar does not lie to me
No movement is really no change took little response
By that time you will feel \ N someone you think you fool
It seems quite good
Someone lie to you, you feel like a little hope
Like this hope can not really eat rice
This hope is too important for us
We will continue to find
And must find right
Today our family comes a new family
Let us welcome the new family Lu Xiaojuan \ N share together with us
Thank you
Okay
Please stand
Let us hand in hand
When we are willing to suffer all the suffering
Become salvation of all sentient beings suffering compensation
When we no longer mercy to others dry feed themselves
This is compassion for others but also for their compassion
Well thank you
In fact, I would like to tell you that
In fact, that day
I put my back to the Civil Engineering and send it to Peng Peng
I drove away
Then I feel I Peng Peng chasing behind my car
But I did not look back
I'm sorry that I'm sorry I lost the child
I am sorry
That
Let us add oil to Lu Xiaojuan family
Come
Encourage
Encourage
Encourage encourage encouraged
Encourage
Encourage
Encourage encourage encouraged
Encourage
Encourage
Encourage encourage encouraged
Encourage
How do you find the child after spending so much
Nothing
A military
I took a personal look at the amount of what we store
To the amount of volume here
Here it is to have seven meters
Only six meters
Almost
I say you do not mind the need arises \ N you say a
Money is not the problem
Can you help me to persuade Xiaojuan
I say you do not even listen
Then do not eat two or three o'clock in the morning just sat there
People throughout the completely mad dad said I was not Peng Peng
Did not unreasonable
But she is your wife, I can not say with words
Anyway, I lost my children would have been looking down
I told Lu Xiaojuan
Things in the past that I'm sorry you
But the days are too down \ N who after all have to accept reality
Why should I accept the reality
I think she's saying to the phrase
You are not the father Peng Peng
You say you can understand in fact, you still do not understand
Yesterday afternoon police station Liu \ N called me
Said in a tidal sea just caught a trafficking gang
I think it might be a clue
We all look for good luck
Okay
Because of our collective action \ N safety comes first
That cross the road to go hand in hand in a row
Who also do not lose
My family Fan Yun thought of a way
She said that we would pretend this tour
I was our tour guide
Everybody wore this Little Red Riding Hood
We refined spirit children of God neat looking good
Okay
Little Red Riding Hood to give yourself encouragement
Okay
Encourage
Encourage
Encourage encourage encouraged
Ready to sing
Each time wandering alone in the strong
Each flash even if it hurt nor tears
I know I have a pair of invisible wings
Fly with me, leaving despair
Do not know
This is what I guess out
Tread
How you arrested the arrested of it
Fine
Con man
Con man
Feed
How else
Call her not to give me \ N take my child is not it inappropriate buddies
Money is not the problem
Feed
Sound good point yet
Feed
Now hear yet
Feed
Wait
Hey Hey Hey do not you're not mouth
I send you that hemorrhoid cream
You wait
Do I really want to make nonsense Knock past
Hey just that startled me
Tomorrow
Win instant success
Come
You know what I used to eat it
I was doing business in Indonesia, when
The boss took me to the kitchen to pick
There is a large cage which has a dozen monkeys
That monkey scared are reduced to a corner
There was a particularly clever monkey
It is with this hand pointing other monkeys
I say this clever
The boss said to pick it I said why
He said the more clever monkeys
Brain spend more tender
We dig a hole in the table,
Just able to get this monkey to card
The monkey
Two eyes staring at me
Not to mention the old Han
We lived in a five-star villa inside
Safety sealing say absolutely not a problem
I led our family to go to Zhao supermarket Andy effort
A rotor
Child did not
Since then I vegetarian
How I would be fat five pounds after vegetarian
A melancholy pregnant with you a few years away from the cable line Hande Zhong
Do you understand what I'm saying
A pregnant melancholy
Last year, this door today
Moment of truth
Faces of the people do not know where to go
Love and be loved
You look you see here without you turned the side of
The children have seen no
Not seen
You look carefully in case you forget it
I have not seen
Brothers, you did not say so is not scared Infliction
I can also say it commutation
This this
Not seen
Not seen
You made a mistake, right
I am not a woman dedicated Shui Po children
Trafficking in children that wicked thing I never quit
Abduction is not a wicked woman yet
If they do not like to take advantage of how I would be cheated
Beast
I feel like I've seen you made a post on the Internet
A little impression
Have you seen my son yet
No
I find a few trail is not asked them to do the
But I wanted to call my cousin went to impersonate
Find and bring you reward
Who can say they do not know have not seen
The child what time lost
July 18, 2009
Like listening to people at this time say
The child says the car is too noisy
Then they gave him a loaded into sacks
It seems suffocated
Where is this man
Who knows
Probably not not so clever
Han always look at that next to the car
You see, you see
This car does not
Is not
Look no bags
Than to go over to the old or else let him pressing
Put the child down
Stop
Stop stop
Put the child down
Stop
This side
Pitted kill you back
Put the child down
Grabbed him rob children
Tap Tap
Tap
Slowly slowly
Children
Laogui ah you age older than me
Heart side know that things are much better than I
After a good living
200000 I personally re-thank
Do not put out tomorrow
After the village had one alley
Then through an old shrine
In front of a path
Turn right after the first house is downhill
It is this guy
As long as the photo is really child can find
Promise you that two hundred thousand penny a lot of your
Brother you are not easy for me to help you not for money
Is not
Is not
I do not know I think it is
Liu team you where the
Do you think you scold people that we are not without action
Peng Peng
Peng Peng
Who are you
Peng Peng father come
Mom
Ji Gang
Good thing you were waiting for you
Ji Gang
Mom
Ji Gang
Mom
Ji Gang
Ji Gang
Mom
Child stealing
Come on people ah someone stole children
Mom
Mom
Come ah
Accident
Ji Gang
Mom
Ji Gang
Grab them
Do not run
Abduction little guy
Here here
Stop
Mom
Mom
Mom
Ji Gang
Mom
Mom
Mom
Ji Gang
Do not worry dad back
Mom
Mom
Mom
Mom
Ji Gang
Mom
Peng Peng
Peng Peng
Peng Peng Hold
Peng Peng
Peng Peng
His uncle Uncle him two
They are his uncle
High table and low stool is valid
It is valid
High table and low stool
It is valid
Say it is valid
They were of wood
Ji Gang
Ran
Ji Gang
Kyrgyzstan has just come to my mother this
Ji Gang
Mom
Ji Gang
Lihong Qin Vocational
What do you do
I am a farmer
Education
Junior high school did not complete a
Home address
Pine Group 2 victory on the village on the 19th
Spouse
I man ah
He died
When did this happen
Last year
I know why you're here
I do not know do not know
Okay I'll give you time to think about it
Police Brother
I would like to ask my son what he just guitar
Lihong Qin I can tell you
Your husband Yang Mingfu
Suspected of trafficking in children understand it
Police Brother you made a mistake it
I Yang is a very honest person
How can the little guy trafficking
Yang Jigang do your own
Ask you if it
No
That's how he came
I was born not out of the little guy
I have no way the man in Shenzhen with another woman born
Three years ago he took guitar back just let me keep
I will raise up to now
I am talking about the whole truth is not a lie
Students with another woman right
You saw it or he told you
He told me the
You went to the village to find out what he is very honest person
This is who
Ji Gang
Kat just looks like much of the
When two-year-old look
This is who
Who
Q. How about you is who
This not clear
A bit like
Xiangshui
A bit like my man
See clearly affirmed wrong
Now all the clues point to your husband Yang Mingfu
He is likely to be three years ago in Shenzhen
Tian Peng missing children abducted suspects
What is suspect
Impossible
We are very honest people can not do this kind of thing
You certainly made a mistake
Do you remember how Yang Mingfu take you home
Which is Yang Mingfu
What you call him father of the man
They said my dad was sick died brought the mountains
For us and now people in \ N them the local police station
Anyway the good news
You do what you tell with everyone
So that everyone happy happy good
Uncle, my mother what my mother where she is
Which I know where to go to your mother
I do not know my sister did not hungry no adult at home
How your family and a sister
That there is no mention of other cases 杨明富 Tian Peng
My son thing \ N I know have told you a
There is no
I would like to ask
I can take him home yet
Where is he
After three days if Tian Peng DNA match \ N results was successful
His parents would take him back to Shenzhen
Adoptive relationship with Tian Peng, you are not legally get it
That
It else
Then I bring him back after three days
What you want to do you
He can bring it
You do not end
I want him
Mom
What cry cry
Whose child
This is my cousin's daughter
You're her cousin's daughter myself Biaoyi
What is the name ah children
My name is Kat aryl
You do not speak
Uncle tell you is not come to her mother's ah
Here you mom
It refers to the mom look good uncle
Lihong Qin Did not you say you can not have children
Ji Fang is my man seized the site in Shenzhen
She is not coming Shui
She is not coming Shui
There is no truth in your mouth
Take the child is
Lihong Qin stopped
Lihong Qin
Son
The policeman arrested them
I find what the president
THX
Can not let you see Yangji Fang
Do not come back to it later
Then how could it
I dream about my daughter every day
If I had not thought she was here waiting for my words
I do not know what I was alive the
I'll explain it again
Because they do not know
Yangji Fang is subject to your husband or Abduction of
There can be only as required to support our orphanage
I have evidence that I can find a witness \ N prove my daughter is seized
That you should go to the public security organs
This is not under my control
Dean
I can put this crayon to Kyrgyzstan aryl
She has been clamoring to buy this
I did not go to school to see her gone bought
Now think well regret ah
Not just two five was how I would never be willing to
I am responsible for care-pen
I can not let you see her
Why can not I see her I look at her on the trip
Why are you afraid to stimulate her
Our most important task now is to let her forget you
Get it to start a new life
Dean
If this is the case
I'm looking for my lawyer to talk to you
What
I found a lawyer
Mom
Mom
Mom
Mom
Mom
Kyrgyzstan aryl
Kyrgyzstan aryl
Do not cry to Kyrgyzstan aryl
Brush Kyrgyzstan aryl
Gone
Mom
Gone
You want to speak to
I
I want to look at Zhu written
Do you have a reservation
What is your name
My name is Li Hongqin
Hello Mr. Zhu
Find your man named Li Hongqin
The ah tonight
Housing Construction Bureau should be the proper defendant
Bidding Office is building housing the Bureau of internal organs
Should be borne by the housing construction bureau
It should be based on the defendant administrative body
I think this is very clear that it
High summer
Director
Last month, Zhou Yu loan disputes you do it
I do Director
Out
I let you go
You go to the front desk to help me deal with a man named Li Hongqin of
Who is Lihong Qin beauties
I Lihong Qin
By the way that Mr. Zhu temporary emergency business trip
Why do not leave a phone call to me
I let Zhu lawyer back in touch with you
He did not answer my calls
His multi-Manga
Brothers
I have a legal problem, I can not ask you
Have you been to the orphanage
Been a
They rejected you, right
Ah
That's right
It is legitimate
You see
Adoption inside specified
Adoptee conditions should be
Minors under 14 years of age
It should be orphans bereaved of parents
Or parents can not be abandoned babies and children
Or birth parents unable to rear children with special difficulties
You have to comply with this condition
A man told me before I die
Ji Fang is subject to him on the site
Subject to the right is abandoned
Dead men tell you before you
You men are dead speak to him fucking matter ah
Say what that is called
Tian Peng proved to be trafficked to
Yangji Fang how you can prove it was not abducted to
Kyrgyzstan is not the only thing aryl
Evidence
You have to have evidence Yangji Fang is abandoned
There is evidence to prove that she had not found the biological parents
She may have been adopted know
I have evidence of
Evidence of it
One day at noon
OK OK
Not to mention that there is no use of the
You want to hire me as your lawyer
You will pay a thousand dollars I
With the case behind the propulsion \ N you have to pay me back the money
Brothers
This is my hometown specialty
A little mind
Too expensive
Otherwise like this
Let me give you two thousand
You can do
Elder sister
Vegetable market to buy pork ah still bargain
You have no money you can find it at no cost legal aid
Pin male more smashing boat and I do not know other people
You help me okay
You really do not know that Tian Peng are trafficked to
I really do not know
I took a half a year in prison, but not the little guy Abduction
Public Security Bureau has given me proof opened
I was guilty of the crime of obstruction of official business
This is the public security bureau gave me proof
I'm not a small guy Abduction
Children are still split share of the estate of his father
Zhu brother
Zhu brother I'll give you the man sent away
How is a trafficker ah
Specifically share
We can give you win more than 30%
Don Aoyama was looking for
Now how YangDaGe
I Yang has passed away
What disease
Hepatic carcinoma
No woman do live on the site
Aoyama brothers
I come to you is to ask you a thing
Yang three years ago, I worked on the site
Subject to a baby girl \ N he told me you can see right
How to engage in so late
Small food
Peng Peng
Peng Peng my mother put toys in it
How about
Do not worry
Come Slowly
He said something to me the day before yesterday
I say or think that woman want his sister
She said she wanted to go home
This child is not like on a toilet inside the toilet
It is certainly not used to
Yes, ah, I do not dare to scold him
He ran again scold you scold him how to do
The line now you get back late bar
Peng Peng
Mom gone
Gone
Great guy wanted to take to the streets to say a couple of days to put forward activities
I hope we bring to Peng Peng
I disagree
The child is a stimulus
So many people we two child found
I do not agree that how people think ah
Bring it
You say abducted children go there
He was long called her mother ah
Peng Peng
After we speak Mandarin
Look out kids
Who dialect is not
You are not divorced
High summer
You are entrusted agent
Zhang Xiaochun, who loan dispute case
Fake state officials
Illegal irrefutable facts
This is what we make for you \ N like administrative offense penalty decision
Director This is too serious, right
I know I was wrong
The artificial insemination
You do what you
What
Do you take the bulk cents
Hurt you walk a beat ass
Burning bridges is not
See what see
Seen extraordinary temper ah
Lawyer
What ah
What do you find to your fellow Zhu Cha Cha
I do find ah
He took my phone hung up I know do not want to help me out
You know he does not want to help you I wanted to help you out
Brother, I see you picture at the door
I am now looking for your help
I tell you I have found a witness
Do not follow me
By the way
Last time you did not get the date you should take
You ridiculously funny
Brothers
You do not pay it
I go back to the countryside to sell \ N I'm sure you will not be less money
I give you five thousand dollars okay
Rows that I'm the bad luck
Do good in the end Buddha to the West
Peng Peng not run
We are a good look at Yangji Fang
Before there is an appointment
You wait a bit
Lu Xiaojuan
Kyrgyzstan aryl
Brother
Kyrgyzstan aryl
Brother
I think my mother I want to go home
Kyrgyzstan aryl that is not our home
Do you know
That day I saw my mother a brother
You do not Luanjiang
I really see
Brother
I am now waiting for her every day
Give you this
You did not see my mother
Remember to brush your teeth after eating
Know
Peng Peng
Peng Peng
Do you want to live with my sister
Mom home with his sister alright
Do not worry I will do it
Zhang sister you nervous
Give her medicine on the right you relax relax
I have something here \ N back to have what you call me
Good first such
This is a high-lawyer
This is Don Castle
Tang Qingshan right
Wait about sound recording
You know the situation you told me about it
Han situation
I have not seen any girl
Aoyama brothers
Yesterday you told me personally of what you see
I did not say you got it wrong
Sister do you take me as Sunday
Gao
Gao
You ask him about Gao
Gao
Gao
Do not follow me
What do you mean ah
What do you mean ah
Yesterday you told me do not personally
I did not say you got it wrong
Yesterday you told me himself \ N like you told me on the stairs of
I did not say
You're afraid to give yourself into trouble right
Sister in law
I work in a field to \ N like me much less attitude
You do not give me what to look for trouble
Tang Qingshan do it
You wait here
Brothers, you wait
I live in this hostel
You come here in the evening
I have something to tell you
We
We talk about good
Please be sure to come
To the
Come in and sit
Sit
Drink water
Aoyama brothers
You do not want to help me to do this card
I can not force you
But legally speaking
If I can not prove my daughter was then abandoned
I have no way to come back to her
Please make sure to do this witness for me
I was away from home
I am a person to make money is not easy
No time to help you pull these things
Then you
Want How much
Where you say words
We are all not easy
Figure you money is not
Sister-in-law you do not you get up
Arise, I beg of you
Well it does not look good
I beg you
Are not you make life difficult for me Well
Sister in law
You first up
You first up
I beg you to help me!
Up sister-in-law
Brothers
Or you live in this bar tonight
Tang Qingshan stroll little fool do they agree to testify how the
This is Dean
Sung Bum Sung Bum
This is my lawyer
Hello Sung Bum
According to the testimony of Don Castle
杨明富 the 2010 2 月 号 9 \ N around 1:00 pm
In Mingxiu building site inspection to a baby girl 4 o'clock in the afternoon with train
Left the local returned home in Anhui
You can now confirm that subject to the baby \ N is Yangji Fang
Therefore, in accordance with the provisions of adoption law
Yangji Fang is in line with the adopted criteria
Even so
We also hope to 杨吉芳 \ N to someone Shenzhen adoption
After all, the living conditions of educational conditions here
Much better than in rural areas
But also conducive to the child's growth
I would like to remind you that a Sung Bum
Yangji Fang since childhood my client Lihong Qin \ N living together
Just like mother and daughter
This is the adoptive parents do not have any other condition
So I ask you
Public security organs to do everything possible to put a child \ N from the hands of criminals recapture
You let me go back public opinion also how to think
The loss of the child's parents how to think
But my client for her husband trafficking behavior \ N did not know ah
If she informed we will sit here and discuss it
That at least allows me to see a client it Yangji Fang
I also want you to understand
Past, many parents buy children come to us to see children
We are all rejected
But she is not the same case with them ah
She is entitled to see Yangji Fang have no right to stop her
We are the statutory Yangji Fang dependents
You say there is no right
How are you so bully people ah
I have told you again and again to all the good things done
I can not see how my daughter
Do not you want to noisy quarrel you out
I see her how the
I just want to see her
If you do not let me see her \ N I'll go tell you orphanage
What do you say you say that again
I'll tell you on the court you hear it
People's Court for the people but not for the vexatious person
You simply can bully me \ N you're looked down on us is not
How can we not keep a good little guy
You just speak
Casual
Lu Xiaojuan has officially filed \ N to adopt the child
That is what I said that right adoptee
Clear
Better yet
In fact, there are welfare welfare difficulties
You think you are a man guilty of trafficking
People want to really let you raise the child
That law publicity and how do people
Law than man's important right
You stand to think about their point of view
We in this country
We stand in each other is the lack of this angle \ N thinking of consciousness
But Ji Fang is my daughter
Gao You is not going to help me out right
I also how to help you, ah I promise to help you to have children
I promise to help you tell the orphanage yet
I have done can be made
We went to this fate
Future
I wish you good luck
Put an end to trafficking in children
Did not buy would be no trafficking
Give way
What are you doing watching Lihong Qin Point Road
Mom
Ji Gang
Do you remember my mother
A man holding Peng Peng
You had the right
Who are you
Who is he open
Traffickers wife traffickers
Traffickers
You do ah
You have the face to
What are you doing
Let him go
Also killed her shameless
She turned the child
Do not fight
Do not fight do not fight
Well
What are you doing you
Well
Enough
Calm cool
You're doing this is
You give me up
Stand up
Well, well,
Arise
I do not get involved without hands
It
I kneel you, you also our children
Line of the line
You know how we do it over the past few years
Stand up
Stand up
What also our children cry
Well, well,
You reckoning
I am sorry
I'm sorry what's the use ah
Also our children
What are you doing
What are you doing line
Well
She thought about it for you
Do not go away
Roll
Go roll
Hello eat
Know
In the end you do not eat dinner
Mom You eat it
Jiubeng eat eat you go
Zhang sister my mom take medicine yet
Do not think I did not hear medication medicine you want to poison me ah
I have been a lifetime teacher taught so many students
I have a clear conscience
I teach so many talent
How to teach criminals daughter is my fault it
Well, well, Mom is not your fault
A person has a person's life
So how do you come back so late every day Manga
I would have told you to me for vice curtain
Individual hiding behind every night harmonica
You just do not give me change
Mom I do not tell you a thing
Nobody harmonica behind the curtains
For the doctor told you to increase your dose increase yet
Mom
I was wrong
Gao
I did not want to
Want to go tomorrow
Do not ah Zhang sister I would like to give you a raise it next month
Not a money thing my family really something
You have to go back a Zhao
You see that okay
You first slow me a few days so I find the people you walk
All right
I picked up a penny in the street
It handed police uncle hand inside
Uncle took the money
I head to the point
Elder sister
Tell me how you're inside phone calls
He has a cell phone inside man
He let me call acquaintances I know you
Next time you encounter this kind of thing you tell them that
You are to travel
They will not check your temporary residence permit of
I want to stay in Shenzhen
I went to work tomorrow
You look at this city
More money
I will help you to come back to Kyrgyzstan aryl
It is that you pay me 5,000 dollars
This time is free
I help you
Do not say more than words
I remember when we first met when I asked you
Tian Peng know are trafficked to
I remember you were a bit hesitant
Dead man had told me before I sentence
He called me in this life do not come to Shenzhen
When he speaks been staring at \ N it did not take long before he breathed
I know you said it was still not known
If you say so
You say you do not know
I do so much
Happens to find you, I find not move 
- Korean general
Originally, I want to have children when \ N you say you do not mind
Peng Peng found now and then you want to adopt a
What do you mean this is
I'm damn tired of you know, I really had enough
Lu Xiaojuan word with you okay
A word with you
No we divorce it
So you remarry
Hello we have to do Procreation
Your card account of the marriage certificate
This is the identity card
You probably know the situation I
You first son Andy Han
I need to prove his death
No
You drink
My son is missing six years
We are looking for six years
Live but not dead but not dead we do not have to prove that you want
I did not mean you do not misunderstand
Because only you get the proof
We can give you Procreation
In recent years we have made a lot of online search sub Notices
You can check the Internet
No, no such a meaning brothers
My child is not dead
My son is still alive
That said it alive
Why do you let me go to my son to do a death certificate
I personally sympathize with you
But the provision is to require
Do not give to this
What provision is to require
You can take provisions in this matter I sent away
I am a taxpayer
I do not owe the government a penny
I fulfilled all the responsibilities that they should make the
If we say that if you do not act, then
I can tell you, you know the government listed it
Our work is to follow the system
It is open and transparent
What is your name to tell me what is your name \ N I told you to go
To you tube eggs here with me I do on my birth certificate
You control what I want death certificates ah
My wife is now pregnant
Do not you give birth
You told me she was born or not born
Blow to Peng Peng
Blow
Thank you, thank you
Congratulations to come
He looks just like his father
Look what's right eye brows
To Tian brother Juanjie
Cheers Cheers
Police officers have to respect you a cup of my
Not bad to drink alcohol liver tea instead of wine
I first row for the King
Small Peng Peng
Do not ah Han brother
Improper really inappropriate
No
Fan Yun meaning
Peng Peng
Uncle requirement
Listen to the words of Mom and Dad
Not running around
Learn to hear no future
Thank you, uncle
Multi-well-behaved
Come back to this really really depending on you
Today, the boy is really your son
After calling your father
Father
Dry dry good
Consequently do not say
I say the right thing
Everyone be quiet
Han always say a few words
My wife
Fan Yun
Pregnant
Lawful
I'm sorry everyone
Is there anything I'm sorry I'm sorry it's how
This is a good thing, right
Good thing we have to encourage
Come
Encourage
Encourage
Encourage encourage encouraged
Come
Every once in
Wandering alone in the strong
Each flash even if it hurt nor tears
I know
I have a pair of invisible wings
Fly with me
Leaving despair
They do not want
It has a beautiful sun
I saw
Every day there will be changes sunset
I know
I have a pair of invisible wings
Fly with me
Leaving despair
I finally soar
All dreams are flowering
Chasing young voice more loud and clear
I finally soar
All dreams are flowering
Chasing young to fly far right
I finally saw
All dreams are flowering
Chasing young voice more loud and clear
Sick old man when he said he was busy company
I said we should not spend money on a babysitter, he said please
Finally, in the hospital, please care
He said he was coming back in the field
Our money is out
Hello
I was high summer
Gao
I want to tell you something about the things Lu Xiaojuan
I wonder
How old it toward her
That you do not speak the truth court
Can good Hao San generous point it
You have to sense of shame
Those things you do on the outside
Your mind clear
You know, put a clean mouth point
Lihong Qin
To you
Okay
Here we go
Many cases limited time
As much as possible that the emphasis
Judge Hello
My client invited to apply for adoption of Lu Xiaojuan
Come to our mediation
Can
The plaintiffs say you first
Judge Hello
On behalf of my party Lihong Qin \ N give up for adoption Yangji Fang
Switch to apply for foster care
Lihong Qin also authorized by the orphanage
To the duty to bring Yangji Fang
Continue I'm listening
To this end Lihong Qin promised living in the city \ N and work in the city
My party believes that
In Lihong Qin current situation
Even if she applied for a foster
Her living conditions are not very good
According to the provisions of Article 6.2 Adoption Law
Adoptive parents must have
The ability to raise and educate the adoptee
How she would not have the ability to raise and educate a
Just because she is the rural people do
According to this theory that you can not educate one billion farmers
Plaintiff Attorney
Busted away
Say something
I can say a few words it
I support Yangji Fang
I mainly want to be able to live with these two children
So my son and Ji Fang grow \ N is good
Then I ask you
Who is the most indispensable family members 杨吉芳
If you can only choose one mother and brother
I think the answer is obvious
On the legal 李红琴 \ N simply not 杨吉芳 mother
Judge plaintiffs should comment within the legal framework
On other issues do not dwell on the
Plaintiff Attorney
I said do not say that again
Judge
Ji Fangxi hope I can take her home
I also promised to take her home to some
I can not promise things she can not do
There Xiaojuan sister
I know I'm sorry you and your family
But two months starting from Kyrgyzstan aryl
I have been on my side today
Now I was her only family
I also promised to Peng Peng will certainly sister \ N to bring him home
Lihong Qin I hope you can understand \ N I really do not hate you because
I have been good for the children
Think you can do for the kids
I beg of you
The facts are clear now
Welfare very supportive to adopt Yangji Fang Lu Xiaojuan
But can not adopt Yangji Fang Lu Xiaojuan
According to Article X of the Adoption Act
Spouses who adopted children
Need to jointly adopt
As far as I know
Lu Xiaojuan was with her husband in divorce Qinhao
Lu Xiaojuan
Are you and your husband in divorce
Lu Xiaojuan
The plaintiff agents say is not true
Is
Why did not you mention
Do you want a separate application for adoption
We are also unaware of this
So the important thing is not to tell us ahead of time
This is not kidding.
How do you know
I and your husband by phone
Well, do not talk about that
Lu Xiaojuan
You and your husband are not divorced
So you have to apply for joint adoption
If you apply for it alone
Laws do not support
Would you please go out
You go back
Your Honor
If she can not adopt to me Kat aryl
Lihong Qin
I let you talk yet
I know your situation is also very understanding
But you know
They rescue children from trafficking family it easy
You are now sending their children to let them go back
This is why you do put your body
Ji Shui aryl she is not coming
She is abandoned
And you
How what case you are connected
Next
Gao
Ji Fang is not not give me
Is not
They will not be accepted
We would appeal to a higher court
During this time
You are our family
Help me take care of my mother
In Shenzhen, you can leave Kyrgyzstan aryl last point
I pay you a monthly salary
A medical report tomorrow and then take a \ N your material to all here
Mom
This is Li Jie help me take care of you
Good aunt
You first take me to a glass of water
What are you doing
I see you in that this is not one or two days
I wanted to see the child
Not work
I tell you that you have to know
You're not Mama
You useless
I tell you that I do not hate you at most \ N this coming to an end
Do not come later
Big Brother
Do not let children eat peaches
He will be allergic
You give me away
Go
You're here waiting for you that the medical report it
I come looking for you and mom get away
Lihong Qin
Yes I am
Lihong Qin
You're pregnant
What are you talking about
You're pregnant
Impossible
I do not have fertility
Who told you do not have fertility ah
I'm talking about men
I have not pregnant on the little guy
Test results can not be wrong
Hello everyone
My name is Tian Peng
I am six years old
My father called Civil Engineering and
My mother told Lu Xiaojuan
I have a sister
She called Yangji Fang
I saw that our son is Lele
I was a day in which the number of me when I could see her daughter
When can I see her
I wanted to bring her home every day can afford to raise her
This is also the father
The Peng Gaofeng said to his son \ N is also the father of a man called Sun Marine
Is this right
This pair is
The high-sister home right
From here we come
I'll wait for you in the back
Do not buy anything
You see me grateful I
This is Lele awards
A man sitting here before you eat
Eat around forty-five
You see that time
This time I myself got left empty
I do not want to enter the house
I entered the house watching the kids are gone
I entered the house very sad

[Indistinct speaking over telephone]
[Sighs] Yes, I understand.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Who's mom talking to?
I don't know, but her forehead vein is working overtime.
Okay, well, it sounds lovely, but I have to think about it.
I got to go.
I'm stirring the sauce, ma.
You have a friend named "ma"?
No.
That was your grandma.
But grandma's dad's mom.
This is your other grandma.
Grandma has a sister?
No! 
It's my mom!
Both:
You have a mom?
!
[Laughing] Yes.
Don't you guys remember grandma Janet?
Oh, is she the one you said went off to live on a farm where she could roam free with all the other grandmas?
A proud parenting moment, Deborah.
Oh, zip it. 
Like you're gonna be such a good parent.
Another proud parenting moment.
Okay, the reason that we don't spend so much time with grandma Janet is because she wasn't the best mom to me when I was growing up.
Marty:
What'd she want this time?
She got a timeshare from Bruce in her latest divorce, and she wants us to come to San Diego and meet her special new friend.
I heard a rumor that in San Diego it's three hours earlier!
We got to get these kids out of Jersey. 
Mm.
I sure would like to meet my other grandma.
Buenas noches, Weavers.
Hey, guys. 
We're actually in the middle of dinner right now.
I'm doing terrible.
Thanks for asking.
I just pulled a double shift at Salsa Castle.
It was hella loco.
And I'm pretty much single-handedly keeping the coffee shop afloat.
Working in the food industry is nothing like "two guys, a girl and a pizza place."
If only there was something that existed to help us relax.
Yes.
A socially acceptable opportunity to get away from it all for, say, one to two weeks a year with the understanding that you'd then return to work refreshed and recharged, thus actually improving productivity.
Okay, well, what you guys are describing is called a vacation.
And it just so happens that this family is gonna be going on one.
We are?
Yeah!
The kids deserve to know their grandma, and we all deserve a little rr.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yay!
Wait.
Why are you guys cheering?
'Cause we're coming, too..
No, you're not gonna go with...
You know what? 
That might not be such a bad idea.
The more bodies, the less time I have to spend alone with my mom and her new special friend.
So, what do you say, guys?
You want to be our alien buffers?
We'd be honored.
Max:
Wait a second.
When you said my hamster, ace, went off to live on a farm, does that really mean he's in San Diego, too?
Oh, no.
He's dead, buddy.
When does your parenting book come out?
[Slurps]
?
♪ We came from outer space and settled in New Jersey ♪
♪ we took names like Larry Bird and Jackie Joyner-Kersee ♪
♪ then the humans moved next door ♪
♪ started testing all our limits ♪
♪ so sit right down, enjoy the show ♪
♪ we'll be done in 30 minutes ♪
Darling, this vacation is a mistake.
Packing is so stressful.
Obviously, I need my pale pink, my medium pink, my dark pink, and my dark-medium pink shirts, but then I won't have room for my crocs.
Don't overthink it, cinnabun.
We're only going for a few days.
I've just packed my flowiest dresses and some sensible stilettos.
Okay, that's the shirt suitcase.
Now for the pants.
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hey.
Don't forget your bathing suit.
The ocean in California is, like, the perfect temp.
Um, nope.
Abby Weaver does not do ocean.
What are you talking about?
The year... 2010.
The victim...
Marty Weaver, pulled away by a vicious current.
The hero...
A lifeguard named Jasper who has to kiss dad on the mouth to keep him from dying.
[Sighs]
You remember that?
You kissed Amber's first crush.
It's kind of burned in my brain.
I'm never going in the ocean as long as I live.
I didn't kiss him.
Yes, you did.
Okay, just finish packing.
[Sighs heavily]
I feel terrible that I have to leave Jane to go on vacation with my ex.
Let's send her a picture of us packing.
[Squeals]
"Missing you already."
Sad face, heart, airplane.
This is a nightmare.
No. 
A nightmare is what the harsh call sun is going to do to the butkus' creamy white shell.
Man: 
You accept what is beyond your control.
"I accept what is beyond my control."
Mom, the last thing I need is to be stuck on vacation with Reggie, listening to my ex talk about his new girlfriend.
Not that I want to be with Reggie.
I've got my own stuff going on.
Don't make me go.
"I accept what I cannot change."
Oh, God!
Did you hear anything I just said?
No!
I was listening to my self-help book.
It's about accepting people as they are, flaws and all.
So I should accept the fact that I have a mother who's making me go on vacation with my ex, even though it constitutes cruel and unusual punishment.
Oh, sweetie, if you think that's cruel and unusual punishment, wait till grandma tries to do a body shot off of you.
["Holiday road" plays]
Larry:
Keep it moving!
Move out of the aisles!
Luggage up! 
Bodies in!
Excuse me, sir.
I can't believe they took my medium-hold pomade.
Those animals.
Where will we put our legs?
This is savage!
Everyone has their own tray table.
The flight attendants look like daytime talk-show hosts.
This is perfection.
I accept the people I love will disappoint me.
This gon... gonna be the whole...
The whole ride?
I mean, it's okay.
It's totally cool.
I'm just... 
I'm asking...
The whole ride?
[Chuckles] Jane is so funny.
[Cellphone beeps] Oh, that's just the guy I'm seeing... 
Zak.
Great.
College guy?
Mm-hmm.
[Laughs]
Classic Zak.
Will you get my back?
Dick, we're inside. that you can never have enough sunscreen, and homegirl looks like a porcelain doll.
Wife, this was a huge mistake.
Vacations are full of new things I hate.
Husband, vacations are for letting go.
Oh, look!
"Leave the stress of work behind with a relaxing couple's massage at the Cortez spa."
That sounds fantastic.
Miss! 
I can't fasten my tummy rope!
A-and... and my wife and I would like to move to the front.
I don't know if you've noticed it, but the seats are much bigger up there.
- And who the hell are you?
!
- I'm 8c.
That's a ridiculous name.
And you're not sitting there!
Tell her, plane slave!
Sorry, 8c. 
I think you might have to go.
Janet: 
Sweetie!
Debbie: 
Oh! 
Hey!
- Oh, come in. 
Come in. 
Come in.
- Hey, Janet!
[Laughing] Hi.
You look terrific.
Oh!
Oh, Abby, you're so blond!
[Chuckles] Amber, you grew boobs.
- Ma, please!
- Lighten up. 
It's a compliment.
[Chuckles] Hi. 
Hello.
Come in.
Hi. 
Hi.
Ah, hello.
[Door closes]
These are your neighbors?
And you must be Debbie's estranged, slutty mother.
A pleasure.
Okay, so...
I'd like you all to meet my new special friend.
Benjamin, sweetie, they're here!
I accept you.
I accept this, no exceptions.
Hi.
I'm Benjamin.
Debbie, meet your new brother.
I'm Debbie Weaver.
Nice to meet you.
Debbie: 
Mom, I don't understand this.
Well, this is Benjamin.
He's 10 years old, and I adopted him four months ago.
Together:
Hi, Benjamin.
Are these my new cousins?
Well, technically, you're their new Uncle.
Hi. 
I'm your Uncle.
Want to see my toys?
Lead the way, Uncle Ben.
- [Gasps] Did he just call him...
- Yep.
- Like the...
- Rice guy, yes.
[Sighs] Mom, when did you...
Why did you...
What government let you...
I knew this was gonna be something of a shock.
That's why I wanted to tell you in person.
You may not know this, but I wasn't exactly a picture-perfect mother when Debbie was growing up.
Larry: 
Oops.
Was that an elephant I heard walking into the room?
Well, I'm different now.
When I divorced Bruce, I gave up smoking,
I started spinning, I gave up gluten, and...
Voilà !
...
I was reborn.
Mm, yeah. 
She also told me she was reborn the morning after she met Charles Barkley, and by "met" I mean...
- Yep, got it.
- Okay.
But I knew that there was still something missing.
So, I adopted your Uncle Benjamin.
Oh, my God.
Marty, hallway, now.
Larry: 
Ugh!
These outfits are so itchy.
This Tommy from Bahama is a sadist.
Where are you all from, exactly?
- New Jersey. 
- New Jersey.
- New Jersey.
[High-pitched voice] Nice!
We're learning!
Janet, sweetie, you're all out of sunscreen.
That is a human child!
She has no right to ruin his life!
Okay, but...
This is the same woman who spiked the punch at my sweet 16 to get the shy kids dancing.
- All right, but... 
- The same woman who met not one, but two members of journey,
- and by "met," I mean...
- We all know what you mean!
Please stop doing those.
Please.
Look, maybe you're right, okay?
Maybe your mother's still that wild party girl she always was.
[Scoffs]
But our kids want to know their grandmother.
All right? 
So let's just take a deep breath.
[Inhales deeply] All right?
[Exhales slowly]
We'll go change into our bathing suits, and we'll go get to know your, uh, new, um...
Your new brother.
Fine. 
I'll go change.
I'm proud of you.
[Sighs]
But I am gonna prove that my mother hasn't changed.
You just watch.
And now I'm less proud.
[Inhales sharply]
Awesome sand hole, Max!
Thanks, Uncle Ben.
Sweetie, just call him "Ben"!
Max, get my back.
I just got your back, Dick.
I can't keep getting your back.
I feel good, Debbie.
For the first time in my life,
I feel like I'm doing stuff right.
Yeah.
Speaking of doing things right, what do you say we blow off these kids for a while and hit the beach bar?
[Laughs] Huh? 
Come on... you and me.
Tempting.
- Old times?
- Tempting...
But I'm sober now.
Mom, look at our hole!
[Laughing] Oh, that is awesome!
Let me in here.
Hey, butterfly shake.
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
Deborah, get my back.
[Janet giggles]
[Sea gulls squawking]
Whee! 
You see? 
I don't know about this.
It's not bad!
Look, we're just gonna put your toes in, all right?
I got your hand.
Come on.
We're not gonna swim or anything, right?
No, we're just gonna feel the waves on our feet.
Okay, here it comes.
You ready? 
Right now.
Ah!
[Laughing] It's cold.
This actually isn't so bad.
Right! 
You see?
The ocean is just a wonder...
Ow! 
Ohh! 
Aah!
Broken shell, broken shell.
- Aah!
- No, no, no!
I am not doing this anymore!
Wait! 
A-Abby? 
Abby!
[Cellphone beeping]
[Breathing heavily]
Hey.
I'm just looking for a, um...
Cool rock...
To bring to zak.
Oh, well, I'm trying to find... seashells to make Jane a necklace.
Good call.
The last person to wear a seashell necklace was David Cassidy.
I'm sure she'll love your timely gift.
And I'm sure zak will love his fantastic memento...
The cool rock.
[Soft, instrumental music plays]
Oh. 
Oh, yes.
Husband, this is exactly what you needed to learn how to enjoy the vacation.
Sir, I can't massage you if you won't let me touch you.
You've been giving oiled-up rubdowns to randos all morning.
I'd be safer rubbing my body with raw chicken!
Husband, just let the woman do her job.
This feels amaz...
Ooh, yes.
Sir, if you could just let me pull this back.
Get off!
- Just relax.
- Wife!
[Groans] Just relax.
Lady, let...
- Please?
- ...
Go of it!
Wife, sheet up!
- What?
Larry: 
We're leaving!
These women are perverted.
I don't know what your game is, sister, but I'm not playing!
[Ben giggles]
Careful on the dock, champ.
Thanks, Uncle Ben.
You're gonna be fine, sweetie.
The boat doesn't even leave the dock.
- Seriously?
- It's a vintage boat.
We enjoy the view and drink iced tea.
It sounds lovely.
Ugh.
Oh, really.
Every time I think vacation can't get any more stupid, more vacation happens and proves me wrong.
That's it, Larry bird.
I'm sick of your attitude...
Airplanes are death traps and massage parlors are slut houses.
I get that you can't handle being out of your element for three days, but some of us need this weekend.
There's no reception.
Jane's gonna be so worried.
We've been texting each other every 15 minutes on the 15.
God, it's weird that you guys wait so long in between texts.
Zak and I text each other every 10 on the 10.
We're like traffic updates, but hot.
I wonder if there's cell reception on the upper deck.
There's an upper deck?
[Soft jazz music playing]
The bartender's eyeing you.
I'm sure he'd meet you in the bathroom if you offered to...
All right, enough, Debbie.
Enough.
I know what you're trying to do.
Why can't you just accept that I've changed?
Because you don't change.
I've been fooled before.
We both know that before long you're gonna get tired of Benjamin just like you get tired of everything else.
Any day now, you are gonna decide to give him back.
You're gonna give me back?
!
Oh, sweetie!
What did she mean, give me back?
I don't want to go back.
What did I tell you about the first moment I saw you?
That you knew your whole life had changed forever.
And?
And that you knew I'd look great in orange.
[Laughs]
You're stuck with me for life, kid.
You understand?
Yeah.
[Chuckling] Yeah.
Benjamin, sweetheart, I'm really sorry.
Sometimes adults say things that they don't mean.
My bad.
[Indistinct conversations]
Hi.
Hey.
Just taking a photo of this tiny drink umbrella to send to Zak.
[Cellphone beeps]
That's great.
Jane loves umbrellas...
Big umbrellas, drink umbrellas,
Rihanna umbrellas.
'Ellas, 'ellas.
[Cellphone beeps]
What are we doing?
I'm... taking a photo of this umbrella, and you're riffing on umbrellas?
Maybe... us being friends would go better if we were the kinds of friends that didn't constantly try and prove how great our new relationships are.
Just a hunch.
Oh, thank God.
Deal.
Good.
[Imitating Jerry seinfeld] So, what's the deal with the tiny umbrellas?
!
Did you just do Seinfeld?
[Normal voice] Yup.
That wasn't totally terrible.
[Imitating Jerry seinfeld] And what's the deal with the straw?
!
That's really good.
Thank you!
Abby, could you please come look at the ocean with me?
I know it's big and unpredictable, but it's also splashy, and it's a lot of fun.
I like splashy.
What else you got?
[Sighs] Well...
What else I got is, it would break daddy's heart if I'm the one that kept you from enjoying the ocean because it is my job, as your dad, to give you good memories, not scary ones.
And if I wound up the guy who ruined the ocean for you, well, I-I don't know if I could forgive myself.
So, you got to help me out here.
Cheap trick, dad.
You know my soft spot for father-daughter schmaltz.
So, does that mean we're good?
[Sighs]
Let's do this.
All right.
You get me every time.
Husband.
Look, um...
You're right.
I'm sorry.
Uh, I ruined your time.
I'm terrible at vacation.
Yes, I know.
But I realize it's not your fault.
- It's not? 
- No, you're the supreme leader.
You're used to being in control.
But I have a plan.
I love a plan.
Hi.
Where's Benjamin?
He's having a farting contest with his nephew.
I didn't mean to hurt his feelings. 
I...
I know. 
I know.
[Scoffs]
It's not fair.
My whole life, I wanted the mom that Benjamin has.
I'm sorry.
I was just so young.
I didn't know what the hell I was doing.
I know it's crazy to adopt at my age, but, you know, I-I love him...
Just like I love you.
I'm telling you, Debbie,
I don't know how you turned out so great.
I have no idea.
I guess I just thought that it'd be nice if there was one person on this planet that turned out wonderful because of me, instead of in spite of me.
[Sighs]
Don't screw it up, mom.
I won't.
All right, open your eyes.
We're flying, Jackie!
I'm doing it!
I'm vacationing!
Yes, you are!
I'm doing it.
I'm almost at the edge of the boat!
I'm not scared of the ocean!
I'm vaca...
Whee!
[Gasps] Husband!
[Shrieks]
I don't know how to swim!
Larry!
Husband!
Jackie, go get a crew member.
Marty!
Zabvronians are like sponges!
We just soak up water!
I got you, Larry!
I got you! 
Come on!
Get up!
[Shouting in distance] Okay, ocean...
Prepare to get owned.
Marty:
Get up! 
Get up!
Dad!
[Both gasping]
Hey!
Ah! 
Thank you, baby!
You saved us!
Hey. 
All right, we're good.
[Chuckles]
Larry, did you just pee?
You didn't?
Oh! 
Get...
Abby: 
Daddy and Larry were screaming.
The deck was slippery beneath my feet.
I could feel the cold spray of the sea.
I could sense the waves rising by the second!
Every part of me said, "turn back, Abby. 
Turn back."
[Gasps]
Well, I once went swimming in the ocean with Tony danza.
And by "swimming," I mean...
- Oh, we know... 
- We know what you mean.
- We know.
Husband, your vacation is almost over.
But I love it now.
Peeing on Marty was a real game-changer for me.
I think when I let go of my bladder,
I also let go of my need to be in control.
I'd like to put a three-bedroom house on boardwalk.
You don't have to say how many bedrooms.
Amber, don't tell the thimble how to rule his kingdom.
Well, the thimble is going to have to go without...
Marvin's garden, because I am buying.
It's not "Marvin's garden." It's "Marvin gardens."
Why do you always say "Marvin's garden"?
- Is it?
- Yes.
[Imitating Jerry Seinfeld] You always say that!
Oh, you're so weird.
Thank you.
[Cellphones vibrating, beeping]
But it's not.
It's one Marvin garden.
Say it.
I'm gonna call it...
For what it's worth, I think my mom...
Our mom...
Is gonna be a really good mom to you.
Thanks.
Listen, I got a few tips for you.
If your mom makes brownies, do not eat them. 
Got it.
It is not okay for your mom to sleep until 2:00. 
Makes sense.
If a man named Carlos comes to your house, do not let him in.
Who's Carlos?
He might be my dad.
[Door opens]
I don't know what happened, but I'm a golden God.
Hi.
Oh. 
Hi.
Anyone see you?
I don't think so.
Are you ready to do this?
So ready.
We're so bad.
[Chuckles]
[Squeals]
[Both exhale sharply]
[Cellphone beeps]
We did it.
We've been in the bathroom for an entire mile.
Mile-high club.
[Both squeal]
[Sighs]
Want to go again?
Larry bird!
You're so naughty.
[Cellphone beeping]
[Sighs]

Finally, the student of the year.
Final mark's
Sreenath Prasad
When ever it name's time for result he go's to the bathroom.
Sir, please give me 2 mark's
Nu, one has dought me.
Sir, I am going to join the I.p.l
Her english is good now day's
I said get out from my class.
Paper is mine's You fail me but want to keep my
Excuse me sir Come here for a minute!
Why you hiding from people such and important new's
He ran off with my daughter
Don't take it personally Your father won't listen to me?
Two mark's he ruined my future
GanpaliPaPa!
Will you pass me
Why did you kidnap her
You no, I only like three thing's
Siddu let go my daughter Please-H
Sir just give me my two mark's and your daughter will be by you
Prasad your son elope with my daughter from the temple.
Ok, very good
Siddu- open the door?
My sweet son open the door,please!
You speak so nice He won't open the door!
Sid open the door I will remove you from my policy!
The glasse's is mine's
Father,father
Siddu will marry her
Marry her, you will pass
She is so fat
Father my bad day's not have come to marry this dumb guy
Eat my sun wait mom
Mother, I wrote my exam's with honour
Two line answer's I wrote a hole page
And he fail me
I no sun your answer's were right and his question's was wrung!
Mother- give me some bread
We are so fortunate that our sun\ did not leave us and go anywere
To complete his degree
Going to banglore
Going to banglore to earn my degree
I was going to the toilet!
He won't bring degree but 3rd degree
The entire village came to say goodby
They are saying goudbuy And not to return ever again
You are goingmwhen you do return become something big
Eat well my sun!
Don't try and act smart
Return to your seat
Excuse me were ever we sit the seat becomes oufs
You go and sit else were
Am I your phone's touch screen
Every time touching me
Girl's play with us antakshri
Before singing you must drink beer
They were getting ranbir but in return they are getting shakti kapoor
Baby drink it!
Hey hero!
Hold onto my jacket
He do not no about my back ground
Do you no who is babu's father
I will finish him off today Do you understand baby!
Were must I hit him On his face!
This is going to cost you
Can I have my seat!
My brother seenu!
I came to bangalore
Always prey for my house
Seem's like the begger arrive!
Are you not happy to see me?
Was just thinking off you I swear
Taken admission at your college
Going to stay in your house
Are you going to live here few day's Are you mad
Going to get my degree Untill then I wont return.
Mean's you are not going back
Were is the bathroom?
From today people will say a child
Mother, mother want to study At the same college were seenu
Come!
Radha he has seen me
God you are here You followed me from bangalore
God I finally decide
I will study my heart out It lease give me 90% mark
Keep me away from attraction
Mean girl's
Seenu
Kishen I come here to get my degree
And you are sending me the opposite
O.m.g you drop the flower and offering me blessing
Hey stupid!
Don't foul your self because it's windy
The flower drop
Hey!
My name is seenu?
Actually I am new to this college
Can you show me your campus
Nice try, she is not interested in showing you
When ever I try to talk to you why is your jealous friend
This buy is crazy
Turn, turn Turn around
What are you doing?
She is your friend But she is going to be your sister-in-law
She belung's to the entire college
Stop dreaming!
She is ankat's future wife!
Ankat is like and animal lnfact angat look's like and animal
Angat What happen you not violent
Do you still like sunaina
Hi, I am harry?
New student
If you don't mind can I sit here!
I'm trying to be a good man
Going for extra class
Brother, why are you confuse go and sit anywere
Brother from now unward's I won't sit on my own table
Nu, buy must be friend with her
Sorry my mum sent this for you
I told my mum about you
I will win your heart at bangalore
We get marry'd at uuty!
Goa honeymoon
I am afraid for you
Seenu, stop
Were are you going
Seenu, I am not a normal girl Who's heart you can win
You don't let your self out You with die in bangalore
Corpse will be taken to uuty!
Why are you so afraid complain to police
Do you no who is ankat
Who are you guy's What do you want
How dare you come to my house and speak about marriage
Listen to me carefully My daughter don't like you
A respectable citizen for this country
My tax pay your salary
From now you don't pay attensiun on my daughter or else I will complain
Angry I am not angry?
He is like my father?
The old man is trap
Sir the ball lie's in your hand You go jail or she come with me
You no what I don't care if you alive or dead!
Sister-in-law
Guy's not in the mood
He said he will break and then...
What is his name?
Seenu
At 9 I entred
What is my mistake
He follow her like a dog
And he was singing for her And you did not tell me
Actually I come from a respecable family
She like's a buy with a strung heart She won't be afraid for anyone
If a boy love's a girl at heart Thereis no diffrence
Sir, I came here to study
The enire college want's her Nu, only you will like her
Sir 99.9% she will cume for me
That to will be in three day's
Ankat this boy seems to be a rascal
What if he traps sunaina
Teach her a lesson this buy must be dead
Seenu Are you crazy
Can you tell me Everyday at your home is diwali
Why are you so afraid for ankat
Please go away before my parent's come
You did not come and have coffee with me it was a big mistake
I will do in front of the entire college
I love you?
Take your time and answer me I love you
What are you staring Will you hit me
What number will you give me?
Don't disturb
What ever size a girl can be don't muck her for the way
What are you doing?
Everyone is looking
Where is that bastard?
Sreenath prasad
Why do you want to frame your friend's picture on the wall
Where is he?
Were is he
How can they dissapear
Angat
Why did I come here
She love's rne a lot
It's her call Greeting's
What's my baby doing
I love you seenu
You study well my parent's
When I left my town Everyone came to say farewell
Only look innocent But a bastard
Seenu
Did you see yourself
He trap her father
Ankat did you shout me again
Wow, my hero I'm no hero
You suspend angad
Seenu
Hello seenu
Ankad Were is sunaina
What do you think Am I the one to take her
That day your destiny changed lsha singal who love's you
Asia and africa biggest gangster
He has 1 weekness his daughter
Son you have 2 option's
Go to bangkok and marry isha Or take a bullet from vikand
Interval
Welcome sun-in-law
I was thinking what isha saw in you because she is crazy for you
Do you think I'm a child
Sir I'm from a small city
How can I refuse for this big mansion
Everyone hope's for this day
Were is isha's mother
She died and I became a...
Son when ever you think of your mother you can come to me
It's a small problem Sunaina
Sir, those middle class girl Should be left in the middle
You are going to get marry'd tomorrow
Father-in-law just give me 10 day's
So I can understand lsha
Son-in-law tomorrow is the wedding
Dad I waited for seenu for month's But why, can't I wait for 10 day's
Sir, once our relationship band's Send sunaina back to her house
She is my x so I will uncumfutable
Sir,just a minute
She has to stay in our house
The girl stand garentee for him seenu not going or escape
Untill you both don't marry She will stay here!
Hi, sunaina?
Since I was in pamper's my dad is pampering me
Be it clothe's or shoe's
My dad always bring and extra peace and come for me
Since you came here in a sudden was no time for you to pack
Can wear my designer cluthe's
Can use all my belongings
What's mine is yuur's accept for seenu
You can try it out
Notice, every style within you!
Only your aim is left.
Bally I think sun-in-law is ready to join our family business
Do you like tummy...tummy!
Tum cruise
Oh yes!
Love to take a cruise with him
From those guy's do you like any
Exactly from my punch line's you think that is love lsha you like me But you don't love me
Even I don't love myself But I love you?
From the first time I met sunaina
Two heart's buzz
When you met me in the train did your heart buzz...nu!
Ready to let go sunaina
Your heart did not buzz for me
Were is seenu?
Don't no
I was sleeping
You mean Are you the doggy of this house
Yes I am a doggy for this house
In this room
Something is inside
Will wait outside your room
What did you say
A middle class girl should be left a side
They are very dangerous
Sorry to get you trap in my problem
You love me so you have to trust me
Seenu I do trust you
Come now
CDITIE
Check all the enterance
Seenu can't escape
How did seenu escape
Let us go and fine seenu follow me
Seenu
What can we do now?
What ever is to be done He will show us
Well done sun?
Bally did you see how you reach god
My point is he rembere'd god
Tell me Why did you come here and prey
When there are idol's around the house
And offer blessing to this painting
Tell me Who pray so late at night
He must be remember'd god
Did you learn this sung from uuty!
Thank god Your father save'd me
Seenu you did even left my dad
Seenu is so lucky
Angad Who gave you visa?
Sir, our deal is you I give you seenu and you return me sonaina
I want to take her away
You can only take her away when isha is marrie'd
This mistake can happen to anyone cause he has such a lovely g.f
Sir, can I meet sunaina
Bring down sunaina!
The gm is good takecaxe good oi her
Find her
That bastard seenu must be elupe'd with her
Was just greeting my sun-in-law
Sir, sunaina is found
Middle class girl was dancing in her bathroom
Isha go I need to speak to your dad
But why!
Isha please
What is he doing here!
What is angad doing here?
There is something wrong tell me now
He came to take sunaina
You don't trust me
Why marry when you don't trust me
Shout me
Are you mad
Should have been dead
Send sunaina with him
I do trust you
Remember one thing What's your name?
How much I love my daughter that's the way I trust seenu
Untill the wedding not complete Sunaina with stay with us
Brothenitstime for dinner
Come We have lunch
With these hand's I maid chicken peri-peri
Chicken per-peri how concern about me
You can go
Sir, I'll wait for the marrige I will stay here
My mother said to me Don't return with out her daughter-in-law
Bally bring 2 more plate's lsha's wedding will be grand in bangkok
Seenu, don't scare me
Am I your friend
Do you do this to your friend
Buzz me 3 time's and go
Seenu It happen what you told me
Bell
Not 1, 2 but 3 time's
Peter
How did it happen
God if you go ahead thinking like this
Seenu, I had no hand in this
It was just a co incident
Brother Sunaina has come
Don't raise your hand you become nervous
Peter What is this...
Go and tell your dad about angad
Angad will come and tell you he love's you in few days time
Trust me Seen it in his eye's
Nu, dad we were wrong about seenu
When he seen the bank balace he left me and went for his daughter
What should I do tell me!
Dad I did not realise angad's love, what he had for me
Seenu, there is something in my eye
Bally they are kid's
Stop now Let her take a breath
Isha and sunaina
JohnnyJohnnY
Johnny has insene'd drug's in the fish
Johnny I have so many illegal business
There is one business that I run on my daughter isha's name
Fisheries It's totally legal
Bally, johnny is to keen about film's
From nu_w unward's he be call johnny gaddar
Sir, let seenu kill johnny
You sing well
Sumetime's with isha nad sunaina
You play very well
Be freind's with me!
What have you done
Johnny shot bally
Bally Please furegive me
Could not save you
Bally can not speak
Bally's volume is on mute
Bally can hear us out
Bally want's to go to bathroom how will he tell
By ringing the bell
Seenu will serve bally for all his doing's
Bally to take revenge I searched for johnny
Mum and dad
Johnny You got save and jump out from the boat
Today you survive threw them
The day my daughter be gone A bullet with be shot in his head
Isha My daughter
Greeting's
They are very dangerous
Come Let us go back
Who is this
The person I want to marry
Whi is isha lsha want's to marry me
Bally, whay happen?
Someone enter'd your room
What happen?
Bally is trying to tell Someone came inside this room
Nu, one can enter this room When I am here
Who is in this room
Sir, we check all over the house accept the bathroom
If he don't explain his love to you shout him
CDITIE
Everyone is gone You can come out
You seem to be a good person
Seenu We have only 3 day's to be marrie'd
Do you no what angad said to me
Thank you mam You look very nice
I love angad But he du's not love me
If, he don't tell me those 3 magical word's I love you
Can't tell dad about him
I to want say my...
Bally can speak
Bally speak UP
Alway's a double cross in a story
Johnny your death lie in the hand's of bally
Bally speak
Bally can't see you happiness
Once again you press the mute button
When a girl is out to bound
A common man sit's by himself
In front of your eye's Sunaina will be mine
Did you tell sunaina I love you untill now
Did she say I love you
Not at all
Today going to sunaina Tell her I love her
It won't happen
On whose side you on
Sunaina You must be noing
Romancing I am a little weak
Today I want to express my feeling
Can't wait any longer
Wanting to say I love you
Do you want to say anything to me
I will be waiting inside for you
Angad I love you to
Seenu When ever a girl is burn
Father hate's the buy because he is taking his queen away
You with love lsha more then me
10 day's that the love you gave me
My parent's did not give me
Do you see how he make's us stoop so low
Ask isha who her heart yell's out
Seenu you won all our heart's
I want to tell you something
What is in my heart
Love at first sight not always fight
Thank god I seen these 10 day's
I love Seenu
Up untill now you been my friend
Today I'm going to loose the one I love
Angad you kiss pieter
You shout at me
This relation is cumplicate'd
I have two sun-in-law's
English as we all say there is no proof
Every language we call it stupid

Rakesh Suri, very good.
92%.
Shankar Prakash, 95%.
"Mesh Bhairav.
Excellent. 97%.
And finally we'll hear Student of the Year's marks who failed forjust two numbers.
Shrinath Prasad...
Whenever its result time he always runs off to the bathroom.
But... 
- Sir.
Bhai says, "Do me a favor that, don't ever do me any favor".
But I say do me a favor.
Please give me two more marks, sir.
Shankar and Loy have done me a favor.
By making me proud.
Shankafs going to join IPS.
Loy will join IAS. 
- Thank you sir.
And Roshan is going to lim.
Sir, lam going lo lPL.
You're not going anywhere.
You're going to stay right here with me, in this class.
Because your antics, dog's tail and Katrina's Hindi can never straighten up.
Sir, these days she speaks better Hindi.
Get out of my class. 
- What, sir?
I said get out of my class.
Sir, I...
That's my paper, sir.
First you fail me and then forget.
Go ahead.
Tripathi, there can't be a better auspicious occasion for your daughter's marriage. 
- Yes.
Even God can't slop this marriage. 
- Yes.
Excuse me.
Sir, come here.
Excuse me.
- Come here.
Come, Come"
Why are you whispering in my ears'?
You don't need to hide this from the people.
Seenu abducted my daughter!
Don't take it personally.
But your father Tripathi will never change.
Forjust two marks... kink ...he didn'tjust so my future, but you rs too.
Bappa!
Just like You wanted, I abducted Tripalhi': daughter.
Will he pass me now'?
Bow to Him!
I never said this.
Look, Seenu, don't make me your partner in crime.
You know there are just three things in life I love.
What? 
- On television, Amit sir's Crorepali
In Tennis, Mahesh Bhupati.
And in Gods, my dear Lord Ganpati.
Thank you.
People butter me but you always fool me.
No Bappa. 
- Seem".!
Bye Bappa, I'll catch you later.
Okay bye see you take care.
I hope no God ever gels a useless devotee like you.
Hey come here.
Seenu.
Son. 
Let my daughter go.
Tripathi sir, just give me two more marks.
As soon as I pass, she'll be with her papa.
Tripalhi, sir.
Prasad.
Prasad, your son kidnapped my daughter from her wedding.
I see, very good. 
- Come on.
Prasad, my daughter. 
- Oh yes.
What did you eat when he was in your womb'?
Whatever it was, you fed it to me.
Seenu, open the door.
My son, open the door.
My son...
He won't listen so affectionately.
Hold this.
Seenu, open the door, son... molherwise I'll abdicate you from my will.
Now you learnt your lesson.
- Relax.
My daughter. 
- Wait, wait, wait.
Wait.
This is my glasses.
My daughter.
Sorry, dear. 
- Dad.
Sir, sir.
Sir come, come, come.
You don't need to hide this from everyone and whisper it in my ears.
The groom's family ran away.
Who will marry my daughter now?
Tell Seenu to marry her.
Tell Seenu to marry her!
Seenu.
Marry her.
No. 
-Well, you had to get married one day.
And she's the professor's daughter.
He'll pass you next year.
Yes.
Take him away. 
- Go on.
Dad.
'She's so fat, if she stands on the weighing scale...' '...it will only show 'To Be Continued'.
Srinath Prasad, you're not so unlucky.
I am not so unlucky that I've 1:0 marry this duffer, papa.
Come on, son.
Eat your dinner, it'll get cold.
Not fair, mom.
I did so well in my exams.
I wrote three page long answers for every question.
But still Tripathi failed me.
I am sure your answers must be right.
But his questions must be wrong. 
- Yes.
Yes.
Pass me that bread. 
- Yes.
You know Verma's son went to Bangalore to complete his studies.
And Shinde's son went to Pune.
We're so fortunate.
Our son doesn't leave us and go anywhere.
And day before yesterday our servant left the job to complete his degree.
Here, son.
From tomorrow morning be at the shop.
I will not come to the shop.
I will go to Bangalore.
And gel a degree there.
Degree? 
- Degree?
Bengaluru isn't that way, son.
It's this way.
I am going to the toilet.
He won't get a degree instead he'll give us third degree.
Mama, pa, see my popularity.
The entire city's here to bid goodbye.
Son, goodbyes are given with just one hand.
Take a closer look.
They're waving both their hands.
That means don't come back.
They're feeling so good in saying bye.
Now that you're leaving don't return until you achieve something.
Go on.
Eat on time. 
Here I am.
Hi.Hi.Hi.
Girls, this is my seat... 
- Hello.
Don't try to get too friendly.
Go and sit on your seat.
Excuse me, this is my seat.
Uncle 
-Tell me son"
lam joining the IPS for such hoodlums.
I'll get rid of them and protect Mother India and her daughters.
Excuse me, wherever we sit that seal belongs to us.
Yes, but...
- So please sit somewhere else.
Listen... 
- U-turn.
Go.
Am I your touch-screen phone that you're constantly touching me.
Sorry.
Come on, girls.
How about you play a round with us too'?
But it's important to drink before you sing.
They were getting Ranbir Kapoor but I guess they're destined for Shakti Kapoor.
Baby, have some.
Weren't you going to kill me and protect the daughters of India.
Don't look now, but goons are misbehaving with girls.
Go on, what's stopping you?
Hey, hero.
I was waiting for that dialogue lo beat you up.
Uncle, will you please hold my jacket.
Tell him about me.
Do you know who Babu is'?
Who Babu's father is.
Who Babu's brother...
- I'm going to beat up your Babu that he'll never beget a baba or a baby.
"I am bad."
Should I hit you on the face or the chest'?
Hit you on the face... 
- Hit hard.
"I am bad."
You'll have to pay for it dearly.
- That's okay.
I hate cheap things anyway.
Out!
Out!
Out!
Go. 
-Thank you so much.
It's okay.
This was...
Can I have my seal now?
I'll get my jacket.
Uncle.
Seenu, my brother.
Even Dennis is not such a menace compared to you.
I remember, it was a Saturday when you entered my life as bad luck.
I came to Bangalore from Ooty only to escape you.
But I pray every day.
Send beggars to my house.
Send illness in my body.
But never you.
I guess that's a beggar.
Buddy. 
- Seenu.
Aren't you happy to see me?
- I am very happy.
I was just thinking about you.
I swear. 
- Very good.
I took admission in your college.
And do you know what the good news is'? 
- What'?
I'll be living in your house with you.
But bro, you'll be living for a few days, right?
Are you crazy? 
Few days'?
I'm here to get a degree.
I can't leave until I don't pass.
That means you'll never leave.
Right now I'll go take a bath.
- What are you doing?
Let go of my underwear.
Where's the bathroom?
- Straight and right.
I hope it's clean. 
-Yes.
From today even kids will say "Mom, I want to study in the same college as Seenu".
Oh no, he's seen me.
Lord Krishna, here.
So, You followed me to Bangalore as well.
I am God.
From Powai to Hawaii, you'll find me everywhere.
You know I love only three songs.
Raj Kapoofls "Rammaiyya Vastavaiyya".
Bappi Da's "Ta Thaiyya-thiayya".
- I see.
"Bada Nathkhat hai Yeh Kishan Kanhaiyya." 
- That's my song.
You forgot, lam the original butter stealer.
Don't try to butler me.
God, I've decided. 
- What?
This time I will concentrate on my studies. 
- Good.
And help me score at least 90%.. - 90%!
Fine, at least get me pass marks.
And keep me away from every attraction and distraction.
Okay.
I meanmgirls. 
- I'll try.
Seenu look at her.
She's not bad.
Lord, I came here to get a degree but You sent me after girls, just like You.
But the problem is, when You do ii it's Divine play.
But if I do it, I'm a Casanova.
OMG.
You blessed me by dropping this flower.
Too much.
'Duffer, the breeze was strong...' '...that's why the flower fell down.'
Where is she?
Hey, my name is Seenu.
Full name, Srinalh Prasad.
Actually, this is a new college, new city so when I saw you, I felt I should make new friends.
If you don't mind, can you show me around your campus?
I can show you...my campus.
- Nice try.
But it's much more fun if she shows me, not you.
Nice try, but she isn't interested in showing anyone anything.
Come on.
Why does your jealous friend always interfere... mwhenever I try to talk to you?
Oh...
Barfi...
The boy's crazy, but he's cute. 
Bro, what are you doing? 
- Why?
Do you know who you're flirting with'?
You're my friend, aren't you?
So she's your future sister-in-law.
There are 200 girls in this college. 
- Yes.
And you had to like her.
Sunaina's the entire college's sister-in-law.
Just think...
Brad and Angelina.
Brangilina.
Sunaina and Seenu.
Sunainu.
Sunainu!
Stop dreaming.
She's Angad Negi's future wife.
Who is Angad Negi?
Anger is one of the most destructive emotions.
Especially in a relationship.
A cat scratches in a fit of rage.
A donkey kicks.
Angad's a kind of an animal.
In fact, he even looks like one.
What do you think?
What animal does Angad look like?
I feel like Angad looks like a scavenger.
I feel Angad looks like a stray dog.
He does everything openly.
What happened, Angad?
Aren't you feeling angry today'?
No doctor, lam miles away from anger.
Are you sure?
Doctor if I was angry, you wouldn't be alive to ask the next question.
Good control, Angad.
Good control.
Excellent. 
- Thank you.
Angad. today's your last class so before you go, just want to ask you few questions.
Do you still love Sunaina?
- Knock-knock.
Knock-knock.
Who is it? 
- Sunaina.
Sunaina who? 
- I don't know either.
Brilliant. 
Brilliant.
See...this is how you deal with it.
I am so proud of you.
You can be Angad too.
See just look at him.
Your friendship cost me dearly too.
No boy ever flirts or talks to me.
Sorry.
Hi. 
- Bye.
Beat it..beat it..just beat it..
Hi, I am Hari. 
I am a new student.
If you don't mind, can I sit here?
Mum!
What are you doing, Angad?
If you keep doing this, it will only spoil your relation.
Sister-in-law.
Look, Sunaina, don't be scared.
I am trying to be a better person.
For your sake I even attended anger management classes.
But,just like in chess if the pawns get a chance to meet the queen then it only ruins the game, sister-in-law.
"J us! 
beat it."
"Beat it."
Knock-knock!
Knock-knock! 
- Who is it'?
Who is it?
AG.
Who is AG?
Hear me clearly.
If anyone sits with Sunaina, he's gone for good.
Bro, why are you looking so confused'?
Just sit anywhere.
After today, I won't even sit at my dining table.
What's wrong with him?
From Drunk driving lo vandalism Angad saved you from every case.
And in return, all he asked for was to keep an eye on sister-in-law Sunaina.
Take off your glasses.
After today no boy should befriend Sunaina.
The line's clich?
but the emotion's real.
Do you want to make friendship with me'?
Class, canteen or library no boy should be sitting with her.
I want lo study with you in the classroom.
Eat with you in the canteen.
And peek in your books in the library.
Spread so much terror around that no one dares to press the send button to send a message to Sunaina.
I want to text you, mail you, Tweet you, Skype you.
And if you still don't reply, I'll poke you.
On Facebook.
Brother Angad come fast.
Hey, mom.
Pardon me, but I forgot.
My mother sent this for you, from Meerut.
Just arrived from Agra.
Their traditional dress.
I don't know about a degree, mom but I will certainly bring back a girl.
Bye.
I've told my mother about you.
I swear on my mother's beans I will win your heart in Bangalore we'll get married in Ooty and honeymoon in Goa.
He's quite low-budget. 
- Shut up.
You scare me more than Angad.
Let's go, Esha.
Sunaina, we can even go to Australia.
New Zealand.
Kenya. 
No, that isn't nice.
Wherever you want to go.
"Since I saw you lam completely shaken."
"Feels like my heartjumped out."
"Since I saw you lam completely shaken."
"Feels like my heartjumped out."
"I'll take you to see my mom and dad."
"Everything I say you think is wrong."
"Tum around."
"Where are you looking?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Where are you looking?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Where are you looking?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Tum around."
"Do you know?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Where are you looking?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Where are you looking?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Come I'll take you out for a coffee."
"Come I'll lake you for a movie."
"I'll take you to a place, sweetheart..."
"Where we'll be scared of no one."
"Where no one can cast an eye on us."
"Everything I say you think is wrong."
"Tum around."
"Where are you looking?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Where are you looking?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Where are you looking?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Tum around."
"Do you know?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Where are you looking?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Why does the world say to me?"
"It's not easy to get you."
"I'll endure your altitude."
"I swear on you...
I'll hang the moon outside your window."
"I can hang my heart...outside your dress."
"Everything I say you think is wrong."
"Tum around."
"Where are you looking?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Where are you looking?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Where are you looking?"
"Your hero's right here."
"So turn around."
"Do you know?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Where are you looking?"
"Your hero's right here."
"Where are you looking?"
"Your hero's right here."
Seem: stop.
What happened.
- Where are you going?
Angad Negi's boys are looking for you. 
- Me?
Yes.
But what did I do'?
Run!
Wow!
I never imagined our first date will be in a classroom.
Seenu, I am no normal girl you can win over.
If you don't stop following me then you'll definitely die in Bangalore.
Your body will be cremated in Ooty and Angad will immerse your ashes in Goa's sea.
Why are you so scared of Angad?
Lodge a complaint with the police.
Do you know who Angad is?
Maybe I was unfortunate that one day this hassle came till my house.
I think it's the driver. 
- Yes.
I'll be right there.
Hello.
Hello, aunty, Angad Negi.
Your friendly neighborhood policeman.
Sari for you.
HEY-
Sister-in-law Sunaina looks just like her morn.
Who are you, and what you want?
Uncle.
Hello, uncle.
This suit-piece is for you.
It's Raymond.
- Because everybody loves Raymond.
Give sweets to everyone. 
- Yes.
Elders say after you eat something sweet"
...it's difficult to say harsh words.
Sir, this is my horoscope.
Now that our hearts have matched so will our horoscopes.
They have.
Sisler-in-law, hello.
Sunaina.
After all, lam deeply in love with Sunaina.
Let's take a picture.
Brother, sister-in-law, let's take a picture.
Come to closer.
Smile please.
Smile come on.
Give each other a hug.
You two are going to be together...
Stop it.
Dad.
How dare you?
Barge in my house and dare to speak about marrying my daughter.
Let's make one thing clear.
My daughter doesn't like you.
I am a respectable citizen of this country.
My taxes pay for your salary.
And if you ever look at my daughter again then I will complain to your seniors.
Brother, don't get furious.
Don't get furious.
Don't get furious.
Calm down. 
Calm down.
I am not getting angry.
lam not angry.
He's like my father.
I am sorry, sir.
He said sorry to you.
Let's shake hands and forget all grievances.
Shake hands, uncle.
What did you do, uncle?
You shot a policeman.
Peter, for how long will he be jailed?
By the time he comes out your children will call us uncle.
Peter, knock-knock.
Who is it? 
- Scapegoat.
Scapegoat, who?
- Him, the one who's trapped.
Daddy, the decision is in your hands.
Either you go to jail for this bullet or Sunaina comes to my home.
If anyone sees us together...
- Don't worry.
Just be calm and have faith in Seenu.
You know what, whether you live or die I really don't care.
You know what'? 
Whether I live or die...
I think you do care.
Don't just stand here with hockey in your hands and jockeys in your pant.
Let your sister-in-law go.
Sisler-in-law?
She's your sister-in-law, don't stare.
Where is he?
Guys, I am not in the mood right now.
Please come back some other time.
What mood?
Look, we borrowed these hockey sticks and baseball bats from other students.
We cannot return them without using it.
I see, is that so?
Then I'll give you three options.
I'll bash the first one.
Thrash the second one.
And I'll thrash the third one, put him back together and bash him again.
That's my favorite.
Vicky.
Giri.
Goldie.
Now for the thrashing.
No. 2.
Now for the 3rd, my favorite.
Goldie.
"I am bad."
Don't push.
Didn't you hear what he said?
I'll bash the first one.
Thrash the second.
And I'll thrash the third one, put him back together and bash him again.
That's his favorite, you go.
What are you doing?
Hurry up, lam getting late for class.
I've three options.
First, I'll run.
Second, I'll run faster.
And third...
That one's my favorite.
I'll disappear in thin air.
Tell me name.
- Sir, his name's Seenu.
Full name, Srinalh Prasad.
Sir, I came to Bangalore to study.
Actually what happened is I entered college at 9am.
At 9:05 I met lord Krishna.
And 5 minutes later he introduced me lo Sunaina.
So it's not my fault.
Continue.
Sir, I followed her around the campus like the doggie in the mobile network ad.
I even sung a song for her like AR Rehman's jingle.
But when I found out that this prepaid card has already been registered in the name of lnspectorAngad Negi.
I stepped back, sir.
I don't want relations, sir.
He followed Sunaina like a doggie.
He even sung a song.
You didn't tell me.
Sir, actually I am from a nice family.
See you. 
Peace.
You think Sunaina has the guts too fall in love with someone else?
If a girl truly loves a boy then she won't be scared.
And if a boy really loves a girl then doesn't really make a difference... mwhether she's the Minister's daughter or some Police inspector's girlfriend.
All the best.
I'll give you one chance.
Try to win Sunaina's heart.
Me?
I came here lo study, sir.
And half the college loves Sunaina anyone will accept it.
No, no.
You will do it.
Only you.
"I am bad."
By the way, sir, I believe that 99.99% she will definitely fall for me.
And in just three days.
But for those three days better tell these scoundrels...
"The flowers and the stars have to say."
"For the next three days Sunaina's only mine."
If you don't mind, I mean...
Sir.
Angad, this boy's a rascal.
What if he wins over sister-in-law?
Angad, I forgot to tell you one thing. 
- What'?
Taking Sunaina around, to the movies buying her coke, taking her to a disco 9-12 will cost money.
"I am bad."
She's your girl so you'll have to pay for it as well.
Yes, that's true.
After all it's the question of sister-in-law's comfort level.
Think of it as loose-change.
You've a big heart.
I've small expenses.
Don't forget to pray for me.
lam your younger brother.
Peter, knock-knock.
Knock-knock who'? 
- GK.
GK who?
What's the point of this boy's life'?
For the sake of teaching Sunaina a lesson he will have to die.
Seenu?
Hello coward.
Are you crazy?
What are you doing?
"On jumpingjapakjumpak-iumpfllfl"
What are you doing?
By the way, do you celebrate Diwali at home every day'?
Why'? 
- Why are you so scared'?
You're scared of Angad.
You're scared of his cronies.
I am not scared of anyone.
Hello, uncle.
You're even scared of your dad.
Look, please go before mom-dad come here.
Mom and dad are at home?
Then, mom-dad...
Seenu's coming.
- Seenu, please.
Nice room.
Wow. 
- Seenu stop it.
Double-spring multipurpose mattress.
Daddy's spent well.
Oh, your cheeks were better when you were a kid.
But you've better legs now.
Seenu, please leave. 
- Okay.
Not that way.
Seem: phase stop lam ready to do anything.
Anything?
What are you doing? 
- Anything.
What are you doing?
- You said anything.
What are you doing?
Sometimes you say I've better legs, sometimes...
I don't get you.
If you want to understand then come to CCD tomorrow, okay?
Okay.
Bye.
I came to show Sunaina my six-pack abs.
Okay! 
bye'
So did you go to CCD in the morning?
- No way.
The further I stay from Seenu the better.
You might stay away but he's coming closer.
You made a big mistake not coming to CCD.
Now I'm going to say it publicly.
Where is it?
Found it.
I love you!
Didn't you hear?
L...
love...you!
You can take all the time you want to reply.
V: day, 1 clay, 2 days, 2V2 days but maximum 3 days.
Today you're scared of Angad.
Tomorrow it may be someone else.
The more you fear them the more they'll scare you.
Nice catch.
What?
What are you staring at?
Hit me. 
Hit me. 
Hit me.
You dogs, remember your boss' instructions.
For three days you can watch, bark but no biting.
Move!
Bro, sister-in-law's slipped from our hands.
Shut up!
How many would you give her'?
4 on 10.
8 on 10.
I'll give her minus.
Losers!
How much for me'? 
- Number?
4 for Gauri, minus points for Isha.
We just... 
- He got it.
Don't interfere.
You say. - 10 out of 10.
You're giving number to sister-in-law.
Don't you dare call me sister-in-law.
Learn to respect women, not disrespect her.
Whether she's of any shape, size or color.
Gut it. 
- Yes.
Indian woman...wreaked havoc on Angads crony.
Go on. 
- Should I?
Don't be scared, go.
Well done.
What are you doing?
Everyone's watching.
Coward, let them watch if they want.
And I am not a coward.
"The sickness of honesty..."
"Forsake the sickness of honesty and come to ma."
"Come running to me."
"The heart invites you."
"All night the height of shamelessness."
"Just you and me...and dim lights." "Just you and me...and dim lights."
"lam a bit spoilt, so be spoiled like me."
"I'll take a step forward, so do you."
"Lei the intentions get a little bad."
"The air around feels intoxicating."
"intoxicating."
"Let's drink up the intoxicating moments."
"Let's live them together."
"It makes us excited."
"All night the height of shamelessness."
"Just you and me...and dim lights."
"The heart has disappeared from its place."
"It's all happened because of you."
"I want to breathe this air with you."
"Hold my hands and take me anywhere you like."
"Holding hands."
"Together?
"I desire...to be naughty."
"At this age, in the journey of love."
"What's wrong and right?"
"All night the height of shamelessness."
"Just you and me...and dim lights."
Where's Srinath Prasad?
He retired from the cricket team long back.
He must be in the commentary box now, sir.
Sir...
There he is.
Why do you want to sacrifice your life for your friend?
Where is he?
I saw him in the theatre yesterday with Sunaina.
They were sitting on the same seat and watching a movie.
Sister-in-law on Seenu's lap.
The matter's out of hand.
Sir, lam not your level.
Please, put me down.
Please, leave me.
Yes tell me, where are you?
How did they disappear?
What's the point in helping you.
Search them everywhere.
They must be somewhere.
Come on, Dhoni.
We need a six.
We need a helicopter shot.
What a shot, Dhoni. 
What a shot.
Come on.
Angad.
Why did I come here?
Why'? 
Why'? 
Why'?
Oh yes.
Sunaina's fallen in love with me.
Actually...she's deeply in love with me.
Brother, that's your kind of love.
Look, she's calling.
Hello, sister-in-law.
Hello. 
- What's my baby doing?
She called him baby? 
- Sunaina.
Actually, I want to hear you say those lovely three words.
Baby.
Seenu called her baby.
I can hear that too.
Say it, Sunaina.
How many limes do I say it?
I love you, Seen u.
Listen, with a bit more feeling and stress on "Love".
I love you...
You're killing me.
Can't take it. 
One more. 
Last.
Now a sweet, soft, strawberry flavored...
Seenu wants to eat ice-cream.
After that you need prayers.
I am coming. 
I'll see you later.
Okay.
Peter, find yourself another sister-in-law.
Negi sir, bye. 
- Enjoy it.
Lovedale Street, House No.
24, Ooly.
Your mother teaches small children at Little Angel school and your father runs the only supermarket in Ooly.
Right?
You know my home's geography you know my parent's biography.
But unfortu natelymyou didn't find out my entire history.
Since I was a kid I was thrown out of 15 schools.
10 police officers even took transfer because of me.
And few MLAs even deserted their post because of me.
When I was leaving city the entire city came lo bid me farewell.
I look sweet, innocent.
But actually, lam a big rascal.
"I am bad."
And Angad, if you ever think about my mom-dad or Sunaina, then I'll catch the next train to Meerut.
I'll go to alley no 14, house no 12 touch your mother's feet and say...
Aunt, please forgive me.
Because I am going to make your son's plight same as Sachin and Sehwag did to Pakistan in 2003 World Cup.
Right, brother.
They both played so well.
Seenu!
So you've finally shown your true colors, Angad.
First you trapped Sunaina's dad by shooting Peter.
Today you're trapping Peter by shooting me.
It's always Peter who's trapped.
Right, Peter? 
- Yes, he's right.
Move, Peter.
Turn your gun to the other side.
- Come on shoot.
Control, Peter, control.
To hell with control, turn the gun around.
Shoot. 
- Peter, move.
Angad, this won't do.
- Come on shoot.
Peter, move.
Shoot.
Peter, move. come on shoot.
Don't shoot.
Peter.
Angad, you shot me again.
Peter, I told you to move.
Sir, what's going on here...
Sir...
How did you enter my house?
Wait. 
Please...
Sir...
Knock-knock.
Knock-knock, Peter. 
- Who is ii?
Scapegoat. 
- Scapegoat who?
The one that got trapped.
"I am bad."
"lam bad."
"lam bad."
Wow, my hero.
I am no hero, lam just an ordinary boy.
You got Angad suspended. 
- Yes.
Showed my mom-dad your six packs. 
- Yes.
But how did you do it?
"Nothing's gonna change my love for you."
"You ought to know that by now that I love you."
"One thing you can be sure of."
"Nothing's gonna change my love for you."
Seenu!
Seenu!
Seenu!
Help!
Seenu!
Seenu!
Sunaina!
Seenu!
My leg"
Seenu. 
- Sunaina!
Let me go!
Sunaina!
Sunaina!
Hello, Seenu.
Not Seenu.
Full name Srinath Prasad.
Angad, where's Sunaina?
What do you think labducted Sunaina?
Helicopters are not my budget.
His power and budget is limited on the ground.
Peter, shut up.
Angad just tell me where's Sunaina.
Remember, few months ago during the Ooly to Bangalore train-ride...
Do you know who's Babu?
Who Babu's father is?
Who Babu's brother is?
Not him, stupid.
There was someone else on that train who was floored by your punch lines and punches.
Iwonder why?
This will cost you dearly. 
- Fine.
Anyway, Seenu doesn't like cheap things.
Get out!
That day on that train your fate changed.
Ayesha Singhal fell in love with you.
Do you know who her father is?
Vikrant Singhal.
Asia and Africa's biggest gangster.
The world's helpless in front of him but he has just one weakness.
His daughter, Ayesha.
Vikranfs men came to us looking for you.
We said 5eenu's a rascal.
You can't get your hands on him so easily.
But if you take Sunaina then he'll follow you like the mobile network's dog singing AR Rehman's jingle.
HEY"
Son, you've two options.
Either go to Bangkok and marry Ayesha.
Or face Vikranfs bullet.
Peter knock-knock. P°P- 
- Pop who'!
We'll enjoy the popcorn now.
There's a twist in the story now.
Come on.
Let's go.
Eat some popcorn, and get healthy,
"Where are you looking?
Your hero's right here."
Jesus, you here.
Ganpali and Krishna have told me everything about you.
And your slam-bang tactics won't work here.
Look, (here's difficulty ahead.
But these difficulties can be solved only with love.
So take your love away with love and not violence.
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Amen. 
- Ali sir, that boy has arrived from India.
Greet him, boys.
Greet him. 
-Okay.
Daddy, he's come.
Welcome, son-in-law. 
Welcome.
I was wondering what made Ayesha crazy about you.
Now I realized that she saw the same thing her mother saw in me years ago.
Just like every coke isn't cola every chickpeas can't be made into a curry.
Similarly, not every innocent looking boy is naive.
Balli darling, do you want cola or chickpeas?
Vikrant bhai, forget the words understand the emotion.
Emotions.
Seenu.
You think I am a kid.
You think I can't take Sunaina away.
Sir...
I hail from a small city like Ooly.
And every Indian who doesn't get a chance to be born in the Tata's or the Ambani's family dream for an opportunity to win over their daughter.
The groom is ready, sir.
Where's the bride?
I like him.
I like my son-in-law.
Even I like her, what a beauty.
I like you.
My lady-
She's my sister-in-law.
- Sister-in-law.
VikranFs girlfriend. 
- Okay.
Veronica.
Calm down, Balli.
Everyone makes this mistake.
Viki darling, I missed you.
- I missed you too.
But sir where is the Ayesha, mother.
Mummy.
Ayesha's mother...
When Ayesha was four. her mother and my first wife passed away and since them I am a widower.
Widower. 
Widower. 
Widower.
Sir, why do you...- What do you mean'?
You mean...
- Balli darling.
Vikrant was born in the valleys of Manali.
So often his voice echoes.
Son, whenever you miss your mother you can come to me.
Shower me with your affection...
Don't ever do that.
But there's a small problem.
Sunaina.
Sir, middle-class girls should be left in the middle.
Smart boy.
You're marrying my daughter tomorrow, got it.
I don't care.
Father-in-law, give me 10 days.
So that I can get to know Ayesha.
Bonding.
Son-in-law, the Wedding's tomorrow.
Dad, I waited so long for Seenu.
So, can't I wait for 10 more days for his happiness?
Just do as he says.
Emotional blackmail.
As you wish my princess.
Come on.
Thank you, daddy.
Anything for you my darling. 
- Sir.
So sweet. 
- Sir.
Very handsome. 
-Yes.
Sir, here. 
- Yes.
Sir, I was saying now that your daughter and I are getting married then send Sunaina back? 
- Why?
Because if my ex stays here then I'll feel extremely uncomfortable.
Vikrant.
Like every beggar needs a signal
Like every Gym needs a dumbbell.
Similarly this girl needs to stay here.
Balli darling, do you want to beg with her or go to the gym.
Vikrant bhai, forget the words understand the emotion.
This girl will guarantee that Seenu won't run away.
Got it.
The girl stays here until you two don't get married.
No, sir... 
- I said it.
But... 
- No.
Shut up.
Let's go, darling.
Dadzu.
Okay.
Remember one thing...
Dad...
Dadzu, no violence.
No violence. 
No violence.
Bye Dadzu.
Come on.
I hate you.
Hi, Sunaina.
My dad's been pampering me...
"since I was in my diapers.
Whether it's clothes or shoes my dad always brings me an extra piece.
You didn't get time to pack before you left.
So I got these for you.
You can wear my designer dresses.
'Near my Jimmy Chis shoes.
Use my makeup.
What's mine is yours.
Except for Seen u.
He's calling me.
Seenu cheater.
You coward.
You try it too.
I saw your styles, I just need to see your aim.
Ayesha, I've a problem.
Looking London Talking Tokyo.
I can't...
Don't worry, I'll teach you.
To aim right and to look right too.
Now I knowmhow Basanti felt when Veeru was teaching her to fire a gun.
Fire.
Balli darling, I think son-in-law will be ready to join the family business.
He shoots so well.
Shoots. 
Shoots.
You like Tommy. 
- Tommy?
Tom Cruise? 
- Yeah, I'd love lo take a cruise with him.
And...
Yes.
Dhoni. 
-Yes, he's my Mahi.
I love Mahi.
And then comes...
Oh yeah.
You shouldn't ask such small questions in a big country.
Correct.
But do you love Tony, Dhoni and Shahrukh.
No. 
- Exactly.
You were impressed by few of my punches and you thought it was love.
Ayesha, you like me.
You don't love me.
I don't love me.
I love you.
I love you.
Okay, Ayesha you love me.
But true love is never one way, its two ways.
Like...when I saw Sunaina for the first time bells started ringing in our heart.
When you saw me on the train did you hear bells ringing in your heart'?
No.
There were no bells ringing.
I am ready to leave Sunaina for you.
But there were no bells ringing in your heart so who says you love me.
What kind of logic is that?
Be I ls"'b**a- $?
Where's Seenu? 
- I don't know.
I was sleeping.
Just like May comes before June.
Just like six comes after five.
Similarly, every dog has his day.
You mean...you're a dog of this house?
Yes, lam the dog of this house.
And I know that...
Seenu is hiding somewhere in this house.
I'll wait outside.
Okay.
Goodnight. 
- I'll be watching for him tell him that.
Okay , bye.
What did you say?
Middleclass girl should be left in the middle.
Sunaina, I want romance.
I want romance. 
I want romance.
Seenu, this isn't romance.
Okay, okay.
Sunaina, it's been three days.
Aren't you happy to see me?
Seenu, this is no joke.
They aren't Angad and his goons these guys are dangerous.
- I know, Sunaina.
And I am sorry that you got in this problem because of me.
But...if you love me, then trust me.
Seenu.
I trust you.
That's why I love you.
So come on.
Now?
Now!
Come on hurry up.
Peter, check all entry and exits.
All entry and exits. 
- Okay sir.
Don't even let a mosquito out of this house. 
- Right sir.
But, Balli, how can Seenu escape on your watch'?
Just like Superman wears a cape.
Just like King Kong's called an ape.
Similarly...
- This is the Great Escape.
Balli, forget the words, let's find Seenu.
Follow me. 
- Yes.
Seenu!
This way.
Come on
What now?
Now He'll do whatever needs lo be done.
"I haven't seen Kashi, or Neelkanth."
"I haven't seen Baidnath or Devgarh."
"O Lord, my eyes yearn to behold you."
"Glory to...
Bholenalh."
"Bholenath! 
Shambhunath!"
"Listen to the voice in my heart."
"I'll worship You all day, all night."
"I've dedicated my life to You, you're my benefactor."
"Glory to...
Bholenalh."
"lam obsessed now, Lord, you don't know."
"Lord, you don't recognize my devotion."
"I'm standing at your threshold lo behold you."
"Why don't You understand?"
"Bhole, my heart..."
"Bhole, my heart doesn't listen."
"My heart wants to..."
"My heart wants to behold you."
"My heart's restless, it's eager..."
"...about You, I don't know why."
"Bhole, my heart..."
"Bhole, my heart doesn't listen."
Hail Bholenath.
It's over. 
- I know.
Wow, son.
See, Balli darling, the house where death's...
What is the point'?
The point is he took the Lord's name in this house.
Thank you, sir.
Seenu, you're a good son-in-law.
- No, hold on. 
Hold on a second.
Tell me one thing.
There's a huge idol of Ganesh in this house.
So why worship this painting?
Balli, isn't he Bappa's Papa?
- Yes, so?
So first comes Papa, then comes Bappa.
Got it.
- No, no, tell me one thing.
Who warships the lord at 4 in the morning?
Balli, Gods should be worshipped from the heart not according to time.
50 did you write this song in Ooty, son'? 
- Yes, sir.
What's the source?
- Sir, it's original.
Original.
Original. 
Original. 
Original.
See, BaPPa-
Your Papa saved me today.
Hail Bhole.
Seenu, you didn't spare my Father either.
I wish to strangle you with my trunk.
Sir there are two Indians.
Let them both in.
Oh, God!
Everything so nice.
Brother Angad.
Amazing.
Oh, God!
Sir, Seenu's Mercedes.
Seenu's waterfall.
Seenu's swimming pool, the entire palace is so huge.
Seenu has hit such a big jackpot.
Sir, you can take sister-in-law to your 200 sq.fl...
- You...
True love doesn't happen in palaces.
There's devotion everywhere you see.
Hello. 
- Hello.
Welcome. 
- Greetings.
Why are you touching the feel'?
These clothes are better than ours.
Hey, Angad.
Who gave you the visa to come here?
Anyway. 
Welcome to my land.
Thailand!
Thailand! 
Thailand! 
Thailand!
Come on, come on.
Vikrant sir, our deal was I'll give you Seenu and you'll give me Sunaina, so...
I'm here to take her back with me.
That's not possible.
You can take Sunaina back with you when my daughter gets married.
And that's after 10 days, tell him that.
After 10 days.
10 days'? 
- That's not the deal.
I know that's not the deal.
But don't worry, time flies.
10 days will fly.
Fly. 
Fly.
Why does he sound system play in surround sound?
Because he was born in the valleys. 
- Yes.
Congratulations on your marriage, Ayesha.
I am sorry about the slap.
But she's not Ayesha baby.
She's my girlfriend, Veronica.
Tell him that.
Cool down, baby.
Everyone makes that mistake.
Sorry.
Bulmanyone can make this mistake seeing this gorgeous lady standing next to the old building.
Sir...can I at least meet Sunaina.
Of course.
Call Sunaina. 
-Yes sir.
She's a nice girl.
Look after her.
Mr. Singhal, Sunaina is missing.
Find her.
That rascal Seenu must have sloped with her.
Don't move 
- Father-in-law.
Dadzu. 
- Ayeshu.
What's happening?
Why are you carrying this gun?
I wanted to bless my son-in-law with my gun.
I mean...
Vikrant, we've found Sunaina.
What? 
- Yes.
This middleclass girl was dancing in the bathroom.
Okay, got it.
We're just going for a long drive.
Of course. go, go, go.
Ayesha, go.
I want to talk to father-in-law.
- But...
Ayesha, please. 
- Fine.
We are here.
Dad, you ruined everything.
- Listen to me...
Tell me, father-in-law, what is this all about?
Nothing, son-in-law.
- There's something.
You're holding a gun.
Angad's here loo.
Something's definitely wrong.
Tell me.
He came here to take Sunaina back.
Sunaina was nowhere to be found.
And you were missing too.
And this idiot said you're eloping with Sunaina.
So I picked up my gun.
That's what we do in the Mafia... 
- What the...
That means any idiot can come and tell you anything and you will believe him?
- No, no.
I am your son-in-law. 
- Yes.
And you doubt me?
Me? 
- No, no, no.
What's the point of living?
What's the point if you don't trust me?
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- Shoot me. 
Just shoot me.
Shoot me.
Just shoot me I say. 
- No.
Are you mad?
You could've died.
This is fake sympathy.
If you don't trust me then send Sunaina back with him?
I trust you.
This is all his fault.
It's all his fault.
You don't mean it.
Send Sunaina back with him?
I swear on this, I trust you.
No one trusts me, send Sunaina away with him.
Vikrant sir, when Seenu's insisting so much then do as he says.
And send Sunaina back with us.
No, keep Sunaina with you.
Remember one thing...
What's your name'? 
- Peter.
I trust Seenu as much as I love my daughter.
Sunaina will stay in this house until the wedding day.
Vikrant, it's been served.
The plates have been sewed on the dining table.
Got it.
Come on, son-in-law, let's have lunch.
I've cooked Chicken Peri-Peri personally for you.
I cooked it.
I cooked it. 
I cooked it.
Chicken Peri-Peri?
You're so concerned about me.
Thank you.
My son-in-law.
You two can leave.
Vikrant sir.
I'll stay here until Seenu and Ayesha's wedding.
What?
And anyway, my mother had said don't come back without my daughter-in-law.
Balli, serve two more plates.
Ayesha's wedding will be the grandest wedding in Bangkok.
Kok! 
Kok!
Okay, consider it done.
Why are you staring at me?
I am your friend Ganesha. 
- Friend.
Is this how you treat a friend?
You're not worried about me.
My life's in a dilemma.
And now you sentAngad here too.
I know. 
I heard. 
Dont bore me.
Fine, ring the bell thrice and leave.
"Oh my friend Ganesh, always be with me."
I've seen it five times, please help me.
Seenu.
Seenu.
Seenu. 
-Yes.
It happened just like you said. 
- What?
Bells ringing.
Not once, not twice, but three times.
What? 
For whom?
It's a boy. 
- I know it's a boy.
But who's this lucky boy?
Come, I'll show you.
- Okay, come.
Where?
There.
Peter.
Good choice. 
- No, the other one.
Angad.
Even better choice.
Angad.
Are you sure'? 
- Yes,
But how did it happen?
Sorry, ma'am.
But, Seenu, don't tell anyone okay.
Just a minute, I'll be back in a minute.
Bappa! 
Bappa! 
Bappa! 
Bappa! 
Bappa!
If you keep answering your devotees prayers like this then, from East to West, from WeChat to Twitter...
"your followers will keep multiplying.
Ayesha and Angad, what do I say Lord'?
Bad idea, Seenu.
This was just coincidence.
Brother. 
- What?
Sister-in-law's coming. 
- Where?
Look ahead. 
- Where?
Wave at her.
You get nervous every time you see sister-in-law.
That's why you are fail.
Sister-in-law... 
- I'm doing..
Wow, Peter. 
Early morning massage.
You really look after Angad a lot.
Angad's worth everything.
By the way, Peter, even I need a massage.
Seenu, which oil do you like?
Cashew nut oil, coconut oil.
I've both.
Peter, I don't lake massage from men.
Don't mind.
By the way, who do I ask?
Who do I ask? 
Who do I ask'?
Who do I ask?
Got it.
See you later. 
See you.
Seenu's going to get a massage from sister-in-law.
See you. 
See you.
Brother angad.
Seenu.
Seenu!
Yes.
Sorry. 
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, are you okay.
Ayesha.
Feeling coy in the water.
People usually swim laps in a swimming pool but you were on Angad's lap.
You were getting cozy with Angad.
Seenu, don't trouble me, go.
Okay, okay, I'll go...
"because you don't need me any more.
That's not it. 
- That's it.
I say that you go and tell your dad that you love Angad, not me.
Seenu, you forgot.
You're the one who told me love's not one way only.
It's a two way thing.
I said it.
Forget it.
Angad will say 'l love you' lo you in a day or two.
Trust me, I've seen it in his eyes. 
- Okay.
But, Seenu.
Don't tell anyone. 
- Sure.
Promise. 
- Promise.
Swear? 
- I swear.
Ga, go. 
- Okay.
Tell your dad.
No, dad. 
I was wrong about Seenu.
As soon as he saw Vikranfs wealth he forgot me and was inclined towards Vikranfs daughter.
What do I do now? 
You tell me.
Dad, I never understood Angad's love.
I was so wrong.
But now I know he truly loves me.
I can't find a better boy than him.
How do I say 'I love you' to Angad?
But if he expresses his love, then I'll say it too.
Angad, I love you too.
I do.
Where is she?
There she is.
Oh...
Sorry!
I'm sorry again.
"I am bad."
All okay?
Flirting.
Seenu, there's something in my eye.
Come here, in the light,
Show me.
One more.
One more please"
Balli, I thought it was a gang-war.
They're children, let's give them some privacy.
By the way, my son-in-law's become Emran Hashmi.
Hashmi. 
Hashmi.
Come on, let's go. 
Come on.
Balli, come on.
Thank you, Seenu.
All okay, Seenu?
- Never been better.
Stop it.
Let Ayesha catch her breath.
Seenu.
Are you going to kill her with your kisses?
Balli, what are you doing?
One Romeo and two Juliet.
Sometimes Ayesha, sometimes Sunaina.
"I am bad."
"lam bad."
"Sweetheart, the way you smile...isn't fair."
"Putting your lover in trouble...isn't fair."
"Sweetheart, the way you smile...isn't fair."
"Putting your lover in trouble...isn't fair."
"The day I met you...
I was just 19."
"I still remember the day, it was Valentines."
"Dwelling in my heart and leaving...isn't fair."
"lam bad."
"Touching the heart and disappearing..."
"...is a bad habit you have."
"Showing glimpses, and hiding again..."
"...is a big problem."
"Love is something that happens gradually."
"Never be hasty and lake a risk."
"lam bad."
"Dancing in skimpy clothes...isn't fair."
"Staring at us with that look...isn't fair."
"lam bad."
"lam bad."
"I'm starting to slip with you gradually."
"I'm starting to find my feel in your arms gradually."
"Control yourself, girls."
"It's unfair to flirt with me openly."
"If you do it, it's right...and if we do it, it's...unfair."
"In love no one knows what's right and what's...wrong."
"The day I met you...
I was just 19."
"I still remember the day, it was Valentines."
"Troubling your old lover...isn't fair."
"lam bad."
"Sweetheart, the way you smile...isn't fair."
"lam bad."
Johnny-Johnny... 
- Yes, papa.
Telling lies. 
- No papa.
Open the packet... 
- Hahahaha.
Johnny filled Nebo with salt.
Johnny, I have many illegitimate businesses.
But there's one business which I run under the name of my daughter Ayesha, fisheries and it's completely legitimate.
And you adulterated with that as well.
Why'?
!
Hail Vikranta.
I swear on my benefactor.
Raju's now a gentleman.
Balli darling, Johnny loves watching films.
So from today Johnny's no longer Johnny but Johnny Gaddar (Traitor).
Vikrant, I was thinking ifSeenu shoots Johnny Gaddar today then he can join the family business today.
What a brilliant idea.
Balli darling, you're wicked.
Okay, son-in-law, your tum.
Sir... 
-Yes, shoot him in the head.
But... 
- Now take this gun and shoot this am.
Shoot him. 
Shoot him. 
Shoot him.
You sing wonderful hymns for the Lord and love songs for girls. 
- Yes.
Sometimes with Ayesha, sometimes Sunaina you sing really well. 
- Yes.
Now let's see you play.
Play.
Raja Babu.
Dulhe Babu.
Jamai Raja.
Will you be my friend?
Shoot him.
Balli.
Son-in-law fired, I'll call you later.
What did you do?
Take it.
Johnny"
Father-in-law.
Balli'!
Johnny killed Balli.
Run Milkha run!
Johnny! 
- Run.
Welcome back.
Welcome back.
Balli, I am so happy to see you.
Balli, forgive me.
I couldn't save you from Johnny Gaddar that day.
Please forgive me.
No point, Balli can't speak.
-What'?
Balli can't speak.
That means...
Balli's volume is on mute now.
But...
Balli can hear everyone.
He can understand, right Balli.
But he can't speak.
Bu! 
how will we know if he has to go to the bathroom'?
With this bell which the doctor installed on his wheelchair.
All the best, Balli.
I guess he has to go lo the bathroom.
Okay.
I'll lake him.
Me.
Don't worry, Seenu.
The good news is Balli can get well anytime.
He can speak, he can get up...
How can he get up...
What?
I mean how can he get up on his own'?
I will help him.
Just like sweetmeats have 'Mewa'.
In dancing there's Prabhu Deva.
Similarly, I will look after Balli.
Wow.
He's leaving.
Balli darling, I found Johnny to get you revenge.
Saved.
Father-in-law, Johnny's in the yellow drum.
Yellow-yellow, he's a dirty fellow.
Dirty fellow?
Saved?
Dadzu...
What game are you playing?
We're playing 'Shoot the drum'.
Red is my favorite color.
Okay, red is your favorite color. 
Try it.
Sir, she can shoot too? 
- She does.
Watch.
Hey he is in blue.
Hail Vikranta.
Dad.
Myself Prasad.
What were you stuck in?
'Haathi Mere Saathi.'
Sir, they are my mom-dad.
- I know. 
I know.
I invited them.
You two are getting married, remember.
He forgot. 
He forgot.
But nothing lo worry about, relax.
Relax.
That day you jumped from the boat and escaped.
Today my in-laws saved you.
But, the day my daughter gels married my bullet will pierce his heart.
It will. ll will. 
It will.
Johnny, you should've listened to them.
- Take him out. 
Take him out.
Take him out.
Mom-dad, this is...
- This is Ayesha, my daughter.
Dear, greet them.
Sorry.
Hello. 
- Not that much.
Simple people.
Thank you 
- Hello.
What kind of a house is this?
Instead of the veneration platter daughter-in-law welcomed us with a gun.
They are dangerous people.
Listen, let's go back.
Sunaina, my parents.
Hello. 
- It's okay, dear.
Who is she?
She's the one I want to marry.
So who was that?
She wants to marry me.
Brother, after getting suspended life is beautiful.
Only rest.
Rose?
Brother.
What is it?
Sister-in-law.
Why do you always lose, baby'!
It's cheating.
Losing in love is a sign oi manliness.
Who is it?
He's up.
Come on.
Balli, what happened?
Balli, take me there.
Sunaina.
Sunaina.
Where are you?
You in my room?
And that too so late...
- Ayesha, are you ok.
Vikrant is coming.
- Don't worry, I'll take care.
6°" 9°" 90. 
-Where'.7
Ayesha open the door.
Move, move.
Dad.
Someone is in the house I'll find and shoot him.
Anybody in the bathroom.
- Dad, what's going on'?
What happened?
Balli's trying to explain by whistling that someone's in the house.
Anybody in your bedroom? 
- No.
Father-in-law, as long as I am here how can anyone dare to gel in Ayesha's room?
I mean who can dare too enter my future wife's room'?
Who is it?
I'll check.
Who could be here?
Who is it?
No one's there.
No one's there.
There's no one inside. 
someone stole my bag.
whatever is wrong is wrong.
baldy
when he's wenter strenght..
then he's defendending.
so you do your ratjap..
listen to me carefully this gold medal is yours ..
only yours.
the first woman who won the arjun award..
how're you feeling?
i gave the repect to commitment, and did famous to manipur.
feeling good.
one more name is added in champ list of minipur mani pur gave so many champ to india..
the whole indian girls see you like her inspiration..
first mohammad ali.
now mc marry kom you said a big word..
if girl will get right chance..
she can top in every field..
why only in sports..
its chilly..
carefully you cooks well.
we player have ate the salt of this country therefore we performe with zeal and zest.
the federeation just give us basic facility, and some respect.
then you'll see, the champ will come from every corner of country i wish it will be good
what a interview..
so you became celebrerity now our federation's sheet has become small, and yours big.
what's this?
you've problem with federation its not complain..
its my opinion to hell with your opinion, your reached till here by us.
you're boxer so concentrate on it..or there so many people.
are you getting this?
i mean..
can you marry me?
you know how much i love you since i saw you first time.
and you know how much i respect you and boxing.
i'll never say you to give up boxing.
and will keep you happy always after that... both players are seeing each other.
it happened..
by which we were afraid..
shahsha got first warning.
both players are not loosing any chance.
she's fast..
but not more than you but no over confidence.
this round looks in favour of shahsha.
the score is 13 -15.
first mistake.
who's gonna fix.
this is third round..
last chance...i dont like silver.
i thought you'll be happy for me.
if you wants to love someone, so why do you play boxing.
what do you thing..
its over? 
once.
boxing over.
so you dont need me.
its not like that.
i thouught you'll write the boxing history but you knock out your carrier.
you know two kids have selected for state level their parents had come for thanks are you listening or not.
you're looking upset today i'm pregnant.
where do you want to go?
i'm pregnant.
what?
when do you know it..
just now.
that's my best goal in my life we'll be parents.
our family witll be complete.
what happened?
you're not looking happy i'm happy you should be happy... you wanted the kid or not?
offcourse i wanted like every girl i want to become mother.
but our timing gone wrong.
i was on the top of my carrier we could have planned better
is everthing okey?
she's under stress do whatever you like
what do we nominate him
and we'll call him with love.
rinkumal
next time deliver that kid after curfew.
this kids should be grow up in peace.
i'm feeling tension, how can we handle both of them
tell her that bring choabi too
i had to call the doctor that day why're you worrying..
it happens.
i grew up 3 kids.
you used to be sick..
your letter.
i gor reply from my job interview.
why're you doing all this.
we talked about it...
the expenses is increase after kids.
if we both will go out, so who will lookafter kids.
let me get the job..
then we'll talk
take it medam..
thanks.
you sign here..and you'll know where to get uniform
what's this?
constable?
i'm 3 times world champ..
and you're giving me this job..
you're angry for nothing..
if you dont like job bring 2 lacs...
we'll promote here.
i've come to take job.
not to buy this pride dont feed stomach, your carrier is over.
what did y ou say?
till people like you are on this seat, nobody can get goodness so many people has to sell their medal for food.
i dont want yourjob...
if you dont want to so why you asked
she want to become like marry com boxing gloves is easy, not playing
its not easy, but if you'll work hard..
it seem she know marry kom if you'll get passed, so she'll bring the autograph of her.
do you have pen?
you forget marry kom?
but its all over.
do you know after the pregnency
and i know if anybody can do it..
its you
and kids?
their responsiblity is mine.
yourjob?
its timining will be adjusted.
stop thinking about all this.
think about it.
get up
lower your sweetness, i'll be diabetes
you've to eat something before the practice..
your coffee.
no..
i'm training.
you've to face one day..
so why dont now.
hoow are you..
i'm fine.
how are kids.
coachsir shouted alot.
at you?
no..
he have shouted on you..
thanks for spreading iodex..
feeling good.
body is paining.
why its happening many times.
can't say when we'll have her test.
then we can say i've given her injection, maybe we'll have to admit her
come..
what's this..
you know hit more.
what're you doing?
it happens..
what?
nothing happens..
he hits more.
just calm down.
you're saying be silent..
you're playing good.
dont spoil your image.
want to defeat me?
everybody saw here that i punched her more.
i'm from manipur, so you're playing game with me?
our decicions is final., preety is winner.
india is in my heart.
i'm 3 times world champ
you're playing game with me.
till the marry kom dont seek forgiveness with federation..
till she's ban
you're saying like its our personal decisiong.
sign it.
we can't do anything.
sign here..
whyy?
they're laughing..
if anybody laugh at you, i can't endure it.
i didn't do anything wrong.
we both know this..
not they you've to tell what's the truth.
it can't be possible while sitting home you're fighter,
not yet.
so we'll send tomorrow morning.
is that invitation..
no its appology
written its strange..
read it for me.
its getting let..
let me talk medam has brought something.
read it.
it will look good.
read it fast.
read it further.
will have tea..
yes.
come fast.
here.
medam is saying good things listen there.
you just speak loud.
i thought I can come back without you
but i was wrong.
i can't do boxing without you i can't win
i know you weren't happy with my marriage and I'm now mother of 2 kids.
an woman becomes more strong if she's mother.
and your strenght is double.
we'll work hard double.
god is with you and we too remember whatever you learned.
where's your intention having nail polish
before the fight.
i can't understand your logic..
shut u to having nail polish is every girls birth right.
i heared that there's girl are very beautiful and their whole family knows karate.
how're the kids.
what's the problem to her?
you've take her for more tests..
can't do this here i'll inform their doctor..
dont be late.
show this there.
not yet.
she's in grief already can mary kom win?
that's shahsha?
she's not that..
look her movement..
so aggression her guard is very down she's not afraid of punches.
she has come to win it dont effects..
you're scaring me.
today's semi final and tomorrow's has diffrence.
we were on top last year.
and this time only two medals.
4th place gets medal to you can't say like this.
girls has worked hard.
the winning loosing is okay in sports.
acctually they've come to spend vacation on government money after loosing , they'll act like crying.
and will go out on shopping.
dont demotivate players before final what did you say?
it seems you forget appology still we can ruin you
you said right you can do this only.
have come for vacation look her face is swellowed while eating food acting like crying...
her eye is swelled you're living in five star hotel on our money after the federation's politics, we're performing..
if you're doubt on our talent..
so play a round with me.
you spoked?
i'll remove the word boxing from your dream just try..
who's gonna stop me.
me..
i'll case against you for harrasment.
and I'll give the late night sms detail to your wife.
dont scare someone enough, that he dont afraid anymore.
where're you people?
i was calling.
your phone was off
is everything okey..
me and jimmy has come to village.
nainai is in hospital..
what happened?
what happened?
our nainai has a hole in heart.
his operation is going on
i know what're you feeling.
and i know you're world champ ..
just once you show her that you're marry kom
hit her marry..
dont spare her.
yes..
marry is legend..
this woman symbolized the strenght of a woman.
we got previlage to see this woman in action today she has displayed courage.
strenght and determination its our honor to have this 4th times..
world champion with title of magnificent marry
ladies and gentle man please all raise for indian national anthem.

He told me "whomever amongst us who is killed as a martyr should go to paradise to lead the luxurious life that he's never seen."
"God is great" he repeats.
No one knows how long the battle will continue, but in a country long ravaged with poverty, anger and violence, one thing is certain, there will always be those willing to pay the ultimate price, to make their voices heard.
Would you like a brochure?
Hi sir, would you like a brochure?
Hi sir...
Would you like a brochure?
Would you like a brochure?
Sir?
Okay then.
Hi ma'am, would you like a brochure?
No thank you.
So you've outlined the absent father, bipolar mother, self harm issues, and history of previous suicide attempts.
Mm-hmm.
Yep, toxicology off the charts...
Poor thing.
And on the day, you were the person who signed her out as being okay to leave.
Yes, I did.
Which is... 
Which is...
- Yeah, I...
Travis, is there something that you...
Want to add to the file?
About her condition or any of the symptoms that she may have presented?
Do you know what she asked me one time?
She asked me...
If I thought it was possible to treat someone's soul.
Do you think that...
That we can treat someone's soul?
I know. 
I know...
It's just I look at these people across the table and...
And I can see that there's something in there that I'm missing.
And I don't know what the fuck it is.
Travis... we talked about her life, okay?
Not her file because for once in my life
I wanted to help someone in this fucking place.
Travis, look, it is tough,
I get it.
But this is our job.
We treat sick people.
And I know that you must be feeling like there was something you could have done but...
No... no.
You're wrong.
I don't feel anything.
I cant feel anything.
But thank you.
Good morning, Trevor.
Morning, doctor bell.
So, Rachel...
Hi there.
I'm doctor bell.
How's your week been?
Good.
Good.
And the medication, you've been on the new medication for ah...
About a month now, do we need to make any adjustments?
No.
I feel better.
Better.
And are you sleeping uninterrupted through the night?
Mm-hmm.
And on a scale of one to ten how would you rate Tuesday night's lasagne?
A seven.
Seven.
Interesting.
I would have gone with eight.
I thought they did something pretty special there.
A few days ago I was down south at a party.
I'd had a few beers, a pill, bit to smoke, but I was cool.
Okay.
So... so I go to the kitchen, to find some ice, and I'm... you took ice as well?
Ah, for my beverage, relax dude.
Okay.
Sorry.
I turn around, and god and the devil are standing there.
God goes out to the patio and the devil's standing right there behind me.
With big horns.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
And I said to the devil, mate, you have no love in your life, that's the trouble with you.
That's why you do what you do.
Devil couldn't forgive himself.
That's the message, man.
Bring love.
Wait.
What did the devil have to forgive himself for?
Have to ask him yourself, mate.
No Dean, seriously.
What do you think that the devil had to forgive himself for?
Hello?
Ah, hi, umm...
I... 
I just, I was in the city and I just...
Who is this?
Um. 
I'm sorry, ah, it's Rachel.
Rachel...?
We met at the hospital, the, the other day, um...
How did you get this number?
I, um, er I was just in the city and I...
I was walking around and...
Are you okay?
I just... 
I just think i need to see someone.
I was walking around and...
And it started to rain.
And... then I couldn't think what it was that I needed.
Um.
And then I remembered.
But it's gone again.
Well how's your week been?
Special.
- Oh yeah.
Very special.
Do you want to tell me about it?
I have these intense feelings.
Do you want to talk to me about them?
No, I don't want to talk about them.
Sorry?
I didn't say anything.
You didn't?
It's not like that, it's...
It's more...
It's more um...
Oh, god...
No.
No?
- No.
I sort of was going up and down all the time, um, fluctuating with, um, moods and um, anxiety and depression so in general I...
Just being overwhelmed like a tidal wave had come over me, with so much new things that took me to a dark place.
My mum passed away...
I was exhausted, confused and angry, and I had...
I was exhausted...
Dude.
I'm sorry.
I lost my train of thought.
Train fucking derailed more like it.
Toot toot, trav!
Doctor.
Okay, Dean?
In this room, I'm doctor.
I've got a question.
Why are you doing this, man?
Trav? 
Doc?
Doing what?
Nah, nah, come on, I'm asking.
Serious.
You're smart.
You scrub up alright.
You could do what you want.
Well I don't want to do anything else.
Helping make you feel good?
Satisfied patients.
Let's talk about you, hey Dean?
No, no let's talk about you.
Cos, I've heard something.
People have been talking, mate.
Last week we were ah...
Ah, we were talking about you at the party...
Not flash, brother.
Doesn't inspire confidence in the clientele, does it?
Okay Dean, well we'll start working when you're ready.
One of your favorites.
That's what I heard.
That's cool.
She was mine too.
Shut the fuck up, hey Dean?
Thought it was a bit harsh.
Not exactly, "thank you, doctor Travis", was it?
No, Rachel!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Dean is one of those patients that can get under your skin.
We both know it's not about him.
Alright then.
Perhaps we should start by discussing how you're coping... was there something specific you wanted to talk to me about?
We think it would be best for everyone if you took a couple of...
- We?
Oh, I'm sorry, i didn't realize that there was somebody else here.
Take a couple of weeks and think about... a couple of weeks.
You firing me?
No, I'm not firing anyone!
Just tell me.
I can take it.
I'm saying, take two or three weeks.
What...
Oh Jesus, trav!
I tried to protect you.
Right?
Doctor?
Hi there, would you like a brochure?
Excuse me, would you like something to read?
Would you like to ask a question with me?
Ma'am, would you like to ask a question with me?
How about you, sir?
Sir?
What?
Do you ever find yourself alone, or abandoned or in pain, you could come and speak to us.
There's a meeting tonight if you wanted to come.
I'm busy tonight.
That's a shame.
Hey, ah, it doesn't have to be now, but pick up once.
Uh. 
Okay, I'm going to keep trying you.
I was discharged today.
I know.
My dad came and collected me from the hospital...
Took me home.
They redecorated my old bedroom.
Put all my old trophies up on the shelf.
Like a shrine.
Violin.
I played violin.
Played?
Why'd you stop?
I wanted to see if i could be someone other than a girl who plays the violin.
Right.
And can you?
I don't know.
What time is it?
Ah, about three.
I shouldn't be here, should I?
No.
I think I just needed someone to... you know?
Yeah.
Of course.
It must get lonely having to listen to everyone's crap all the time.
Actually it's a nice break from all the crap inside my own head.
I don't think that...
That's such a good idea.
Hi, I'm tom.
What's your name?
Hey. 
Travis.
Good to meet you, Travis.
Just through here?
Yeah.
Just round to your right.
I've served.
I've done a tour of duty of Iraq.
And I've seen the terror first hand.
I saw it for what it was and I saw what caused it.
In this time of danger...
All these people burning up with their own personal pain...
And then they inflicted it upon their world.
But all that time, i couldn't stop thinking that the hatred that kills hearts and kills each other...
It all really comes from within.
The biggest lie that they told after 9/11 was that the enemy is out there.
You know, somewhere in a desert, in a cave, waiting to strike.
But the darkest and most frightening enemy is the enemy who poisons himself from within because he can't see the terror inside his own heart.
Okay, thanks everyone.
Now you've seen that, it's time for the important part of tonight.
Marcus has committed to say something, so let's give him our full support.
You okay?
Before I came here, i was an addict.
Before I got here...
Everyone blamed me for being in my pain.
It was when I got off of it, that's when I realized how...
How bad I...
Look, you have to do this.
I know...
- Okay?
I... 
I know.
I... 
I know!
I know I've fucked up my chances before, but I won't do it again.
You've shown me so much...
About the injuries that have been given to me.
And why I've been in so much pain and how it caused me to be an addict.
And I know that with your help, and with father's help, and with grace's help, that I can get there.
Okay.
Tell them.
I want to let go of my life.
I want to join you on the farm.
It's so beautiful there and...
I promise...
That if you let me, i will join your family.
And I will protect you like you've protected me.
And I will light the light of my consciousness.
I will light my light.
This is a photo of me, and my mum, and my stepdad Glen.
It's the only thing I have of my old life.
It burns!
That's all you had to do.
Hey?
Thank you. 
Thank you.
Something wrong, Travis?
Not with me.
You're the one making the poor kid stand up here and...
Talk about some pretty difficult stuff in front of a bunch of homeless people.
No offense.
Is that what you see happening?
- Yeah it is.
Cos, I see Marcus showing a lot of courage and saying who he really wants to be and now he's got somewhere where he belongs.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Travis?
Travis.
What?
Don't stay away if you're in pain.
Thanks.
Come on.
Do it.
Do it.
Just a little bit.
Just a little bit.
Not for them.
Not for me.
Just for you.
Just for you.
Come on, now.
Please, come on, please...
Please... 
Please...
- Okay, okay, okay.
Thank you. 
Thank you.
But you have to go inside.
- Okay. 
Yes. 
Inside.
Just... here?
Shut the door.
- Shut the door?
Shut the door.
- Door is shutting.
Thank you.
- No worries.
Five...
Hello?
- Hello, it's me.
It's Travis.
Travis, it's really late.
Travis.
Okay...
Don't stay away if you're in pain, that's what she said.
What's happened, Travis?
Pills, mostly.
Tell me, how many have you had?
Probably around forty.
Forty?
Maybe around forty seven.
Travis, where are you?
Tell me where you are.
I'm in my apartment.
Where are you?
What's your address?
- Four seven three...
Four seven three king.
- Travis, can you hear me?
Just around the corner from the church...
- Travis...
We're coming, okay.
Just stay awake!
Travis... 
Travis...
Just take a sip.
Okay.
There you go...
That's it, just a sip...
One sip...
That's it... that's it.
How do you feel?
It doesn't matter.
Hello.
Who are you?
Where am I?
Please don't.
Where are you going?
Hello?
Hello?
I've got something for you to drink, mate.
I don't want to drink it.
- You've got to.
I don't want to fucking drink it.
You've gotta drink it, mate.
You stay the fuck away from me.
I don't want to fucking drink it.
Listen to me you fucking assholes, just stay the fuck away from me, okay?
Stay the fuck away from me!
I don't want to drink it!
Tom, what are you doing?
What's he doing?
I don't want to drink it.
Please, just leave me alone,
I just want to get out of here.
I just want to get out of here!
You fucking prick!
Oh fuck!
Ah, what are you doing!
You mother fuckers!
Why are you doing this, huh?
What the fuck are you doing!
Ah!
I don't want it!
I don't want...
I don't want to...
I don't want to drink it.
I don't want to drink it.
You motherfuckers.
I don't want to drink it.
I don't want to drink it.
Thank you.
Your body's judging you for your addiction.
Wow.
When you're a whole person you can have a whole meal.
Can't wait.
That's just how it works.
What are you looking for?
Painkillers.
Oxycozin.
Cirtrulline.
Diazepam.
Vodka. 
Gin.
You don't have a bottle of gin, do you?
We don't have any of that here.
Of course you don't, because that would be fun.
Why do you do them?
Do what?
The pills.
I mean, do they make you feel good?
No.
They don't make you feel anything.
It's brilliant.
Is that what you were trying to do when we found you?
Yeah.
My parents were just like you.
But they couldn't get clear.
What happened to them?
Well, they had to leave.
They left you here?
Jay loves everyone who'll let him.
Without him I'd be nothing.
Okay.
So what are you going to do now?
What do you mean?
Well, do you want to fight it?
Yeah.
Do you?
Yes.
I want to fight it.
Because if you don't, you should just leave right now.
I want to fight it.
Okay.
Jesus.
Let's go for a walk, hey?
So you ever shot anything before?
No.
Guns aren't really my sort of thing.
There was this one time when I was guarding a checkpoint.
And one of our guys he...
Just didn't like the look of this bloke as he was coming towards us.
So we all started yelling at him, inzil, inzil, adyi faouk!"
Just telling him to get down on the ground, y'know.
So he takes off his shirt, and he shows us he's wearing a vest with a bomb on it.
And he's walking towards us with this...
This stupid fucking grin on his face.
And we're all screaming at him and people are running everywhere, women, little kids.
But this guy...
Man this guy, he was as cool as they come.
My sergeant, he's there, he's yelling at me,
"take him down, take him down!"
Problem was,
I'd never actually shot anyone before.
So obviously I was shitting myself,
I had the shakes, had the sweats, all the usual things you get when you've been told to shoot a guy dead.
Yeah.
So they're still barking at me, telling me to shoot this guy.
And he's getting closer and closer with this stupid fucking grin.
So I'm lying there in the dirt, looking at this bloke through the scope of my gun, and it suddenly dawns on me that this guy, he actually wants to die.
There you go.
Sorry.
- Nah, that's alright.
What happened to him?
Yep, I killed him.
Through and through.
Big fucking mess.
But we found out later he was crazy.
He'd just lost his wife and his kid.
Didn't have a bomb on him.
Just wanted to get shot.
Well...
What happened to you?
Gave me a medal.
I went to Thailand.
Got hooked on smack.
I fucked a lot.
Forgot who I was for about three years.
And I came back here,
I got clean, and I built this place.
Anything else you want to know?
This is the beginning of your healing.
You understand?
Yes, father.
You?
It's just I'm so fucking exhausted I can...
What's the question again?
You land on our doorstep and expect us to rescue you, you have to be prepared to go the whole journey.
It's not enough for us that you're not dead.
There's a few very basic rules.
You eat what you're given, you do the drills without holding back and you work with the others in the community.
And you only talk about what you feel to me or tom.
That clear?
Yes, father.
Yeah.
Show us your strength.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Come on, you're weak.
- Shut up, Marcus.
Hit it, Travis.
Listen, I think that this is getting a bit out of hand.
Come on, Travis!
- Hit the bag!
Just hit it!
Just hit the bag, mate.
Hit the bag!
- Hit the bag!
Just hit the bag?
- Just hit the bag.
Hit the bag.
Hit the fucking bag.
- Hit it!
Hit it!
- Hit the fucking bag.
Hit the bag!
Just hit it!
Hit the bag!
- Hit it, Travis!
Hit the bag.
Come on, mate.
I can't do it.
I'm not doing this.
Go and get some rest, mate.
I need something.
I'm really sick.
Well how about a run?
That wasn't what i had in mind.
To heal...
All my injuries.
To be safe.
To feel safe with myself.
To love... everyone.
Equally.
To find the joy in everything.
Even in pain.
To be a protector of the community.
To be powerful.
So that nothing and no one can harm our community.
This is the purpose of my life.
To touch people with music.
To show them the way out of their pain.
Come on!
To walk the red road in peace.
So what do you feel?
I feel sick.
That's because you're sick on the inside.
That's what your body's showing you.
You've been hiding behind your addiction and you've been hurting yourself.
But these feelings, mate, it's just the advertising, it's just the wrapping, yeah?
I don't understand.
I don't understand.
I don't understand what you're saying.
Do you get it?
- No, I don't get it.
It's your soul.
Do you get that?
Hey, do you get it, do you fucking get it?
I think so.
Then say it.
My soul.
Your soul what?
My soul is sick.
My soul is in pain.
See that's the tradeoff.
Pain for freedom.
When I got back from Iraq, i was a mess, man.
I was a fucking mess.
Thought I was gonna die soon, so what's the point in living, yeah?
Couldn't hold down a relationship.
Couldn't feel any emotions.
And then one day,
I had a good look around and I realized:
Holy fucking shit!
Everyone's doing the same thing.
Everyone's terrified of finding their own truth.
And even more shit-scared of doing anything about it.
Yeah?
Come on in mate, it is fucking beautiful.
Come on.
So how do you feel?
I don't feel anything, really.
Ah come on, hey you're alive, aren't you, man?
Eh?
You alive now?
No?
Okay, how about now?
How about now?
Now?
Come on, come on, eh?
- What are you doing?
What are you gonna do about it, eh?
Eh? 
What are you fucking afraid of?
What are you gonna fucking do about it?
Come on, come on...
There you go!
Now is there anything you want to say to me?
Stay the fuck way from me!
Yes!
Come on trav, wait up, mate.
I don't want your fucking help, okay?
Okay.
You're free to go.
Take the old merc if you like, it's nothing flash but it'll get you where you need to go.
Grab the keys will you please, tom?
There's a map in the glovebox, just let us know where you leave the car when you get to town, okay, Travis?
Travis!
- What?
The cars are this way, mate.
Fucking shit!
Fuck!
Just ah... give it a bit more choke.
Wait here.
Life crisis is spirit crisis, trav.
Your doctors...
Kept you away from that knowing because they didn't want you looking in.
You're still right in the guts of your addiction, mate.
I don't know who i am anymore.
I don't know how to live.
That's why tom brought you here.
Because right now there's nothing holding you together.
But if you can feel your pain, then you can feel your real self.
Yeah?
Ask me.
Ask you what?
- You know.
Help me.
- Mean it.
Help me.
- Mean it.
Help me.
Help me.
Help me.
Like this?
Like this, huh?
Is this the game?
Huh?
Is this the game?
Hit the bag.
Yes there's...
- There's the anger.
The anger?
Yeah.
Fuck off!
Chickenshit.
I'm a chickenshit, am I?
I'm a chickenshit.
Huh?
Chickenshit, am I?
Is that... how's that for fucking chickenshit?
Like that?
Get it!
Violin's your favorite isn't it, trav?
Is this what you want?
Okay.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, mate.
- Come on, mate.
There's the anger, come on.
Kill the bag, Travis.
Kill the bag.
Harder.
- Let it out mate, let it out.
Travis, let yourself go, mate!
Come on!
Come on, give it.
Harder.
Harder. 
Harder...
Die!
Who are you angry with?
Huh?
Who are you angry with?
Who are you angry with?
Huh?
Who are you angry with?
Hey.
Hey.
What are you taking?
Just things are...
Starting to get on top of me a little bit here and...
And it feels really heavy.
I come home and it feels really heavy and I just,
I don't know where to go and uh... it just...
It's all just fucking stacking on top of each other, you know?
Okay...
Travis...
What?
I just want to help you, trav.
You just want to help me?
- Yeah.
You... want to help me?
Come on.
Oh my...
Yeah, laugh, laugh, you can't fucking talk, though.
Oh, no, no, no.
No.
What the... 
F?
Open the door!
I know I'm fucked up but at least I can feel!
You're such a kid.
You're such a kid and you're scared, Travis!
Fuck!
Travis just look at me!
Talk to me!
You're fucked.
Completely fucked.
Who do you want to talk to?
You're me.
What do you want to say to yourself?
For as long as i can remember...
I've hated you.
You've always had a special way of...
Fucking everything up.
Travis it's... 
It's me, again.
You don't have to pick up.
I know you're listening, though.
I hope you're listening.
Tell me.
You were always pretending.
You're a pretender.
Oh god...
I knew you were a frightened child.
I knew it when I first met you.
It was okay, cos, I thought that...
It doesn't matter what I thought now, really, does it?
It's so beautiful up here.
It's like the top of the world.
I can see everything.
I've just been trying to run away.
I've just been running and running and running.
Look at me.
I don't want to look at you.
I'm so sick of looking at you.
I just... you make me sick.
And now somebody's dead because of you.
Because of what you did.
So what now?
I just... 
I just want to get rid of you.
I just... 
I don't want to be filled with that hatred, all the time.
And when I'm gone.
What's left?
I don't know...
Just nothing.
Just nothing.
Good.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Welcome, brother.
Thank you.
Welcome, Travis.
We love you, Travis.
Welcome, Travis.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Okay.
I'm really glad you're healing.
Me too.
It's important for who you can be.
Yeah.
And who you can be with.
To be a soldier of peace.
To stand by Jay's side.
To live in love.
This is the purpose for my life.
To find the joy in everything.
Even in pain.
That is the purpose of my life.
To touch people with music.
To show them there's meaning and take them out of their pain.
To share myself.
And only this.
This is the purpose of my life.
To forgive those who tarnished me.
To forgive myself.
This is the purpose my soul has chosen for my life.
I think that I always wanted to heal people.
And somewhere along the way, I forgot that.
But yeah, I think...
That's the purpose of my life.
How's it look?
Trust me.
It looks good.
Okay.
You need to be exposed to what he did to you, and how you feel about it.
Do you understand?
You have to feel your pain.
That's the grief of letting go.
And then it won't affect you anymore.
Now you're connected to your pain, you can look out from yourself.
And now you can be with that special someone whose soul feels the same as yours.
Thank you, Jay.
Hey.
Hey.
How you doing?
Yeah.
You learn so much, right?
I mean, I'm only starting to see how far away from myself I was.
You've been working really hard too.
I think we're at that point where we're gonna start breaking away from ourselves.
So you're feeling like you...
- it's like a calling, isn't it?
Once you start you just gotta keep on going.
I've been so stupid.
I don't think that you're stupid... no. 
It's okay.
I know.
Trying to get people in the city to like me...
Y'know, I was never be good at being that person.
Neither were you.
Right?
Right.
I went swimming in the lake today.
And I took a long walk in the woods.
Mm, it's beautiful there.
This whole place is beautiful.
You don't know how disconnected you are until somebody shows you.
Letting go of that person...
I'm excited.
I'm really excited.
I saw you and Jay in the woods.
No, you didn't.
Marcus.
Travis.
I need to be by myself for a bit.
You don't have to pretend.
What do you mean?
I know you wanted me to follow you down here.
Okay, just wait.
Wait a minute.
It's alright.
It's not alright.
You're free now.
We can be together.
We're like two drops out of the ocean.
You need to stop talking like that.
It's not right.
None of this is right.
After everything we've done for you.
You haven't got the courage.
Alright thank you very much ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.
If I could have your attention please.
Tonight is a very special night, as we celebrate Marcus's victory after a long, hard-fought battle.
Now Marcus has had to overcome a lot of obstacles, a lot of demons.
- Marcus...
But with love, we can heal.
Can't we?
Yeah.
- Yeah.
It's one thing to sit there and say...
- It's time to go.
I feel pain.
But it's another thing entirely to get off your butt and do something about it, isn't it?
You see pain isn't the enemy.
This isn't right.
- Yeah, it is.
This is right.
This is where I belong.
If you come with me i can get you some help.
Marcus is getting all the help he needs, he was very courageous today.
Is that what you were doing?
You force him to have sex with you and you call it...
You call it helping?
I didn't do that.
I saw you.
I didn't do that, Travis.
Well I want to hear it from Marcus.
Marcus, did you want that?
Yeah, I think you might be a little confused as to what you saw today.
Right, if I hadn't pushed Marcus into some sort of action we would have lost him forever into his own fear, and I won't apologize for that.
I will never apologize for taking drastic action to heal someone.
You drag him here, he's got nobody, nothing else and...
And now that he depends on you, you pull him apart.
You see, therapists like Travis, they call this transference.
Travis is putting his problems onto me because he can't face them himself.
You're still just a scared little boy, desperately seeking the attention of his dad, aren't ya?
This isn't about me.
And now we're seeing the real you.
See, you so badly want the love that you can never have but the bad news is...
You've got to have courage to love, Travis.
You're the one with the disorder, mate.
Marcus, this is supposed to be a beautiful night for you.
Do you feel good?
Does it feel nice?
Don't ruin this for me.
You've got to get out of here!
How many of you know what's going on?
How many has it happened to?
Excuse me, is anyone else here feeling anger?
Yeah, who's angry with this filthy liar?
Hey come on, be honest.
Be honest.
You see this is the classic example of a sociopath.
He's dead to himself, so he'll use you instead.
He'll say that he feels exactly what you want him to feel, but it's all selfishness.
He lies...
Doesn't feel a thing.
Jay, did you really do that?
Marcus?
Marcus!
Oh look, get this weak creature out of here.
Look, I don't know about you guys but I can't stand to look at him anymore.
Tom, how can you stand by, huh?
How can you stand back here, man?
How can you stand back?
How can any of you let this happen?
How can any of you let it happen?
!
Travis is feeling a lot of jealousy at the moment.
A lot of pain.
But tonight is not about Travis...
What are you doing... please!
- Tonight's about Marcus.
It's about his bravery.
It's about his courage.
It's about his commitment.
You're a very brave man, Marcus, look at me, mate.
You're a very, very, brave man.
And we welcome you aboard the farm community.
We all love you, mate.
Well done, Marcus.
What the fuck is going on?
You're leaving.
Now.
Come on.
Tom...
- Don't...
Don't say anything.
Brother, come on...
You're not my brother anymore.
You don't exist.
Tom!
Please?
Tom...
- shut up.
Come on.
Thank you.
Grace!
Grace!
Oh Jesus...
Tom, just keep driving!
Put the gun down, Marcus.
No...
Come on!
- Start the car, tom!
I'm ordering you to drop the weapon, do it now!
You lied to me.
You lied to me!
You're not seeing things clearly, mate.
Your pain is making you lose your way.
Is that what you really want?
Liar!
Marcus.
I love you, Marcus.
No!
Jay! 
No!
No!
No... no!
No!
He's al...
He's alright.
Marcus!
- He's alright!
Someone help him!
No, he's alright, i said, stay the fuck away!
Help him!
- No, I said he's okay!
Marcus... 
Marcus.
This isn't what you wanted, is it?
Let me hear you say it.
Marcus, let me hear you say it, this isn't what you wanted.
This isn't what I wanted.
I know that.
Marcus.
I know that this is hard.
But it's going to be okay.
Marcus, look at me.
Marcus, it's going to be okay.
It's gonna be okay, let me hear you say it.
Let me hear you say it's gonna be okay.
- It's gonna be okay.
That's it Marcus, it's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be okay.
Marcus. 
Marcus.
It's gonna be okay.
- It's gonna be okay.
Marcus.
Marcus?
Listen to my voice, Marcus.
Look at me.
Marcus...
Give me the gun, Marcus.
Marcus.
This... is me showing my pain.
Marcus. 
No!
Here... no, I can help him.
- Keep away from him!
I can help him, i can help him!
Don't move him, don't move him.
You don't want to move him.
Tom, let me help him, you don't want to move him!
Tom, just let me help him.
I can't stop the bleeding.
Please, I'm a doctor if you just... shut your fucking mouth.
Toby if he can help...
- No! 
Don't let him.
Travis, get down here.
Someone really needs to look at this.
Could you do it.
I can't... 
I don...
I don't have the equipment and someone needs to look at this now.
No.
- No.
Please Jay, just let us help you.
I've seen what it's like when you're near the end.
I'm not afraid of it.
The ones who ran...
They'll go straight to the police.
That's alright...
They'll have to live their days knowing that they ran.
If we tell the police what happened then... no.
You know what they'll do.
They don't need an excuse.
We've been betrayed.
Travis's pain has caused this.
They'll be here soon.
With their anger and their threats.
We'd better not be here when they come.
We love you, Jay.
We love you, Jay.
- We love you, Jay.
We love you, Jay.
- We love you, Jay.
We love you, Jay.
- We love you, Jay.
Tom, don't do this...
No!
Get out.
Get out, come on.
Now!
To be myself.
To find truth.
To be a mother.
I always wanted to be a mother.
To fall in love.
To be free.
To be truly free.
Tom.
- Don't turn around.
Stop.
I'm sorry.
The road about three kilometers that way, just go.
Tom, what's happening?
There's nothing left.
Just go.
Oh fuck... oh fuck...
I love you, Jay.
I fucking love you too, Andy.
See you on the other side, my brother.
I love you too, Ben.
See you on the other side.
So much love.
What would you like to say?
Sorry Jay.
I couldn't do it...
But... 
I'm going to make it up to you, I will I...
I'm ready to show them the agony that
I can see in their hearts.
In the land of the blind the one eyed girl is queen.
I love you, Jay.
Come on.
Come on.
I want people to know that you... you can be real.
We really had something here.
We had it in the palm of our hand.
We live the right way.
The way we're meant to live.
Just open your eyes, people.
And everyone 'neath the vine and fig tree shall live in peace...
Drinking to you, Jay.
I love you, Jay...
The train on platform number seven goes to creston...
Please stand clear.
Doors closing.
Attention passengers.
This train is an express train to... creston.
This train's first stop will be creston.
Excuse me.
Would you like to ask a question with me, ma'am?
How about you, sir, would you like to ask a question with me?
Uh... everybody...
Look I know you've been ignoring me, but today's a really special day.
Today you're going to learn about the kind of life you've led and um...
And the impact that life has had on other people.
Today you're going to learn the purpose of your life.
Ah, to not listen to any more street preacher bullshit?
I reckon that's the purpose of my life.
Thanks for sharing.
I believe that our ignorance and our blindness have made this world unlivable.
Jesus!
She's got a gun.
Jay taught us to see the pain of the injuries inside us.
And he taught us to see the enemies within us.
He was made to kill people in a false and unjust war and...
It damaged him deeply but...
But he returned home to make a world of peace for everyone and...
He believed that our pain is within ourselves and...
That we need to release that pain to give ourselves the gift...
To give ourselves the gift of freedom.
Do you understand that?
Yes.
I said, can you understand that?
Yes.
Okay I'm going to give you all a brochure and...
And...
And you'll notice that on the inside there are some lyrics to a song.
Sorry if I don't have enough for everyone.
If you don't get one you can just look on with your neighbor.
One... two... three.
And everyone neath their vine and fig tree...
Stop!
You need to do it louder.
Okay?
And everyone neath their Vince and fig tree, shall live in peace and unafraid.
And everyone neath their vine and fig tree, shall live in peace and unafraid.
And into ploughshares turn their swords, nations shall learn war no more.
And into ploughshares turn their swords, nations...
Attention passengers.
Please remain seated.
It's okay.
We apologize for the delay.
What are you doing?
I was looking for you.
Jay's gone.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I need to make them understand.
We do, don't we?
Just keep the gun on me.
Everyone listen to what grace is telling you!
She's giving you a chance to learn the truth.
Is that right, grace?
Is that what w're doing?
Stop!
Just stop lying!
You don't believe in anything.
Jay died trying to save you and every single person in this world.
He loved too much.
No, he didn't.
Yes, he did.
- No, he didn't.
I wasn't strong enough.
I'm not strong enough.
Do you remember meeting me on this train?
I'd be dead if it wasn't for you.
I was in so much pain, grace.
I did something wrong,
I did something really wrong.
I caused so much damage.
And I was so scared.
Just like you are.
I didn't want to live anymore.
But you never gave up on me, did you?
Everyone's gone.
Tom.
Marcus, my mum.
I know, but they're not brave like you.
I just want to be with the others now.
You want to be with them.
- Yeah.
You want to be with them?
Okay.
Okay well let's do it.
Let's do it.
Shoot me and then shoot yourself but I think that you should do it quickly because you are really scaring these people.
Do it.
You were right.
We're like two drops out of the ocean and I'm really glad i met you.
So do it.
Shoot me.
Do it!
I don't want to.
I don't want to be like them.
You're not.
You're not like anyone I've ever met.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
We just have to keep being brave.
Okay?
We just keep being brave.
I'm sorry.
I think you should tell them that.
I'm sorry.
We're really sorry, everyone.
We'll just wait now for the police to come.
There's no bullets in the gun.
Everyone's going to be okay.
Everything's going to be okay.
For as long as i can remember,
I've hated you.
You've always had a special way of fucking everything up.
It's so beautiful up here.
It's like the top of the world.
I can see everything.
You're always pretending.
You're a pretender.
Pretending to care.
Pretending to be a good person.
But when it really comes down to it...
You're just a frightened child.
It's so beautiful up here.
It's like the top of the world.
I can see everything.
I guess that's it.
You're really not coming, are you?
It just feels like a bad dream.
And every morning on the farm we'd wake up and tell each other how much we loved our world and everyone in it.
And we were loved.
But they all left... and...
I didn't want to stay but I...
I didn't know what to do.
And you chose not to go with the others?
I know one person can do something so brave that they can fix their soul.
Otherwise what's the point?
Can I go now?

In conclusion, let me just put this as plainly and simply as I can.
If you can not eliminate any collateral burden that would validate the Constitutionality of Mr. Andre's apprehension, than probably cause for the warrant must be excoriated.
Excoriate, from the Latin, excoriates, past participle, excoriare, "ex" meaning out of, plus "Corium," meaning skin, which makes my client... not guilty.
I mean, does it get any simpler than that?
Yes, it does, it does get simpler than that.
The defense rests, Your Honor.
Nailed it.
Is that how you do trials in corporate law?
Oh, no, no, no, we never saw the inside of a courtroom.
No, it was all just filing briefs, and conference calls with Dubai.
Can you believe this was my first jury trial?
- No.
- Yup.
Now, do you think it was too much reading all of
Miranda versus Arizona?
No, I'm... 
I'm sure the bus driver and professional birthday clown got it.
Yeah, it looks like everyone's all aboard the "not guilty" express.
Next up, "not guilty" town.
Will the defendant rise.
The clerk will now read the verdicts.
On count one in the matter of people versus Neil Gabriel Andre, we the people find the defendant guilty.
Count two, we the people find the defendant guilty.
Count three, guilty.
Count four, not guilty.
Oh, no sorry, That's a typo... guilty.
My bad.
Oops.
Benched - 01x04 Sell It
In the abrogation of scurrilous ineptitude...
Collateral burdens that would validate the Constitutionality.
Wou... would you like a spot of tea?
Are we doing Downton Abbey?
What the hell was that?
I mean, it's not the supreme court.
It's a freaking jury.
Half of them think that Two and Half Men is actually happening.
Okay, my arguments were bulletproof.
Listen, I know the nuances of talking to a jury is a learned thing, but how much time you got?
I have an hour before jury selection.
Oh, you're dead. 
She's boned.
What, are you gonna quiz the jurors on the Sherman Aust act of 1890?
- Is that a real thing?
- Yes, Cheryl.
All right, what have you got? 
Let's hear it.
No, I feel like they covered it.
Oh, come on, you piece of crap.
Well, I just lost my entire opening argument.
- Oh, well.
- Wait, you have a trial?
Yeah, going up against your ex, Trent, and I hate going up against him, because I get really competitive, and I hate being competitive, but he makes me competitive, but I'm not competitive guy.
I mean, I-m... 
I'm the kind of guy that everyone gets a trophy, kind of guy, but, now I just want to kick Trent's ass.
Do I have it in me? 
Is today the day?
Probably not, stay tuned.
You're not listening.
Who's that, Miss January?
No, it's O'Shea "Tinsy" Curtis, armed robbery.
Okay, the jury will convict him on that face alone.
Good luck with that.
Winning over a jury is simple.
It's like talking to your peers.
Well, your sixth grade peers.
So the jury is pubescent dumbs-dumbs.
No, no, they're not dumb-dumbs, they're-they're smart-dumbs.
It... it's... it's... it's a very subtle difference.
It's like jazz. 
If you have to explain it, then you'll never understand.
Wow, you're great at giving advice.
You're taking advice from a guy who can't figure out how to shave?
Hello, respected colleague, she said platonically.
- Hm.
- No, I'm just taking your ex, here, through some of the finer points of my lawyering techniques.
Simplify, okay. 
Just keep it simple.
When you've simplified it, simplify even more. 
It's easy.
Don't, you don't have to dumb it down.
You just have to be the one they all look up to.
It's like you're the cool boss at an office party, telling a joke.
Yeah, yeah, an office party full of wood shop students.
No, not... not wood shop students, like Terry from accounting, or Stan from HR.
Gary, the guy that can't get the dip on the chip.
And Gary's life partner, who invented Phil's penis pump.
And Trent's hair plugs will be there.
Okay, this is fun, but I have to go.
Hey, why don't you come watch me convict Phil's client
- for dealing oxy.
- Ah, allegedly.
Might learn something.
- Yeah?
- No.
- No.
- No, not today.
- Oh, not today, but maybe?
- No.
Damn it.
Objection.
Motion sustained, 30, love.
You play tennis, right, Trent?
Oh, yes, Your Honor, I played last week at Highland Grove Country Club.
Ooh, I love that club.
They make a dynamite Cubano sandwich, made by an actual Cuban.
- Wow.
- Did you know that?
I didn't, but it sounds delicious.
Uh, if... if it please the court, we would like to listen...
Sit down.
Mr. Prosecutor, your serve.
Hey, how's your non-competition going with Trent? 
Did you beat him?
- Was today the day?
- So you were listening.
I thought this whole Trent thing was about us being lawyers.
Apparently, now it's about tennis.
He's got this, like, charm offensive crap that he's pulling with judge ickles, who normally hates everybody,
- Mm-hm.
- Right?
Now, he's looking at Trent like he's on the cover of Maxim.
I don't get it.
Does Trent even play tennis?
Oh, yeah, but he's terrible.
He used to just SWAT at the ball, and then throw his racket down, and then we'd drive home in, like, a real awkward silence.
Really, see, this stuff.
You guys used to be boning partners.
How about some of that inside info?
Ew, no, God.
Okay, well, there was this one time where he... he spilled his Rogaine on his balls, and there was just so...
It was like a chia pet.
It was... it... it puffed up.
I mean, it's like it was so... really furry.
- That is...
- Not the info you needed.
That's not the info anyone needed, no.
- Got it. 
All right.
- Just tell me how to beat him.
No, I am not... 
I am not getting involved in your weird pissing match. 
Uh-uh, no.
Okay, I don't care.
All right, okay, all right, well I'll tell you one thing, okay? 
The key to Trent is his confidence.
You got to beat him at something in order to beat him at something else, and then once he smells defeat, his confidence is shaken.
Oh, give me that.
Kind of like how I just shook yours?
Psh, you did not shake my confidence,
- I just... 
I don't have nails.
- Oh, okay.
Well, I'll beat him at something.
Well, good luck with that.
I have a jury to impress.
That's right. 
Remember, sixth graders, not office party.
- Got it.
- One syllable words.
- Got it.
- Helps if they rhyme.
Oh my God, you're still talking.
Can I get a different...
Nothing further, Your Honor.
What a fun guy. 
What a fun guy.
But, uh, truth be told, I can be pretty fun, myself.
So, buckle up.
My name is Nina, and this is an assault case.
You ever been assaulted?
Yes, I was rudely addressed by Philip Roth, once.
I am very sorry.
Okay, this is great, this is like a... a fun office party, right?
You're here, guy in the...
The blue shirt and the tie.
Um... 
Joseph Daniels.
I've never been assaulted.
My boss is black, and yes, I can be impartial.
See you got a wedding band on your... your finger there, but it says here that you're single, so... sending me mixed signals there, Joey.
My wife left me a month ago.
I'm gonna go ahead and correct your file here, and just put that down.
Hey, how'd it go? 
Did you keep it simple?
I tried simple. 
I tried fun party guy, but it's not my approach. 
It's me.
Apparently, I'm unlikeable.
This looks nothing like you.
- Thank you.
- Except the fangs.
I have to admit, these are the most hateful jury doodles
I've ever seen.
Ooh, scary kitty.
I always found a way to win, but how do you win likeability?
I mean, in civil law, it doesn't matter if you're liked.
You're supposed to be ruthless.
I mean, you actually get bonus points if you make a Japanese businessman cry, which I did three times.
Maybe you should smile more.
I smile all the time.
You never smiled at me.
How long has Boring Larry been sitting over there?
He's been here the whole time.
You just got to win them over, Nina, that's all there is to it.
Right, but how do I win over a jury that already hates me?
I'd love to help you, but I'm kind of busy.
Yeah, me too.
Maybe if you bought us lunch?
- Lunch?
- Ooh!
You know, lunch, sandwiches, soup, chips perhaps.
- I know what lunch is, Boring Larry.
- We don't call him that to his face.
I am so sorry... just Larry.
Bitch, you don't know me.
- Okay, let's see what you got.
- Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen, there is a preponderance of evidence...
Too much eye contact.
- You're freaking me out.
- Okay, my client Tinsy Curtis-
Don't look at the ground, it makes you look shifty.
All right, maybe we just retire that buzzer sound.
I... 
I'm scared.
You... you're scared?
You're gesturing like a traffic cop.
I hate traffic.
F... funny story, I borrow my roommate's Saturn.
It's a stick. 
Suddenly, I got three pedals.
Guess how many feet I've got?
I wasn't even gesturing.
Now, you're being argumentative.
Okay, well, I'm sorry.
Now, you sound like a bitch.
Mm, and it's your arms. 
Uncross them.
You look like a schoolteacher.
Phil said to talk to them like they're sixth graders.
No, no, no, no, only Phil can do Phil.
You relax, just try not to try so hard.
Okay, my client Tinsy...
I'm finding it really hard to like this woman.
What, what, what, what are you talking about?
It's those clomping heels, the sound of girls rejecting me in high school.
All right, I can not control what happened to you
- in high school.
- Yes, you can.
Okay, you have to convince them that you're the only white lady who gets how oppressive the system is.
Do what I do... mention Martin Luther King.
Everyone loves a freedom fighter.
Burt, you've been here the longest. 
What do I do?
Well, I can just tell you what my gunny sergeant told me on my first tour in Vietnam.
Don't sh... your pants, but if you do sh... your pants, change your pants.
- What?
- Change your pants.
Okay, thanks.
Hey, Phil, have you seen Nina?
I had a little more advice for her.
Ah, she's all set on the advice front, unless you want to explain to her how to extract your head from an elderly judge's ass.
There are no heads in anyone's asses, all right?
We're just a couple of people with a common interest in the game of tennis.
Oh, so what, you're some, big shot tennis player, huh?
Yeah, I'm not bad.
I know my way around a racket.
Oh, come on, who is bad at tennis, right?
I mean, little kids play it, old men play it.
I saw a dog play it on Letterman, once.
Anyone can play. 
Very few can compete.
Well, I play real sports, so tennis,
I'm sure I could just pick it up, wing it.
So if I were to call my club, set up a match, you'd be up for that?
Yeah, you call your club, set up a match.
I'll make a fool of myself.
- That's your specialty.
- Hm.
- Consider it done.
- Okay.
I'll meet you by the whites-only bathroom.
Hi, Natasha. 
I might've crossed a line.
Okay.
- Hey.
- Hey.
You ready to win them over?
I don't know, cross my arms, eye contact, be a freedom fighter.
- I'm so inside my head right now.
- Why are you tiptoeing?
So that my heels don't remind you of a girl who wouldn't bone you in high school.
Okay, that seems like a bigger conversation.
Okay, I'm gonna go do this thing.
Tone down the gestures.
What gestures?
Right, I look like a bitch.
Ladies and gentlemen, you guys...
How you doing?
So they say this is a robbery case, but really, it is a case of false identification, and the victim here is my client, a very gentle man...
Named Tinsy.
Do you remember, in... in sixth grade, when you were assigned a book that you didn't like, and... and you thought, "this book's pretentious", or "uses too many big words,"
or "this book's a bitch,"
but then you got to know the book, and you thought "wow, this book is really nice, and has feelings," right?
And just like that book, you can't judge my client, Tinsy, by his cover.
Wait, no, I'm... 
I'm the book, and I'm telling you the story in the book, which is him.
I'm more the narrator here, and I don't want to overanalyze the metaphor, okay?
I... 
I... 
look, I had this all worked out.
Stop gesturing.
Martin Luther King!
God, that felt so good, getting out, blowing off some steam, kicking your ass.
All right, look, you won, I bought you a drink, we just wrap up the gloating, so we can get this over with?
Oh, no, I'd never drink anything from this Hep C incubator.
I just wanted you to have to pay for it.
Smells like feet.
So, I beat you on the tennis court, and tomorrow, I'll beat you on the court-court.
It's two courts, same result, and that is a little wordplay.
Have a good night.
Hey.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, what was in that?
I have no idea. 
That was here when we came in.
You said that he wasn't any good at tennis.
He's not. 
You must really suck.
No, I'm good. 
I played in college.
I was... 
I was ranked. 
I'm amazing.
This was supposed to be a hustle.
You suck at giving advice.
Oh, yeah, and you and... and Trent really brought me to the advice-giving promised land with my trial.
What are you talking about?
I gave you good, simple advice.
No, you and your little band of boners got me all in my freaking head.
Nina, come on, listen, at the end of the day, you got to realize that you are your own worst enemy, and sometimes, you're your own best friend in this job, so just stop listening to everybody else,
and asking for their advice, and just... 
I don't know.
Follow your gut.
All right, I know what I need to do.
Hey, can I have another whatever that was?
- Mm, mm.
- Thank you.
That's in me.
That's in me.
There you go.
Oh, I'm cramping.
So, this is hard for me to say, but, um... 
I'm hurting your case.
I mean, it's not that I am a bad lawyer.
I am a great lawyer.
In a hostile takeover, I would outfox anyone, but unfortunately, that doesn't lend itself to likeability, and you need someone really likeable, because, although you are innocent, you're straight-up terrifying.
So, that's why I'm getting you reassigned.
Oh, God, oh, God, here it comes.
Oh my gosh, this is how I go.
Your chair.
How do you ladies walk in those heels?
You sound like you had a rotten day.
Huh.
- Here we go, let's go.
- Yeah, yeah.
Through the legs, spin.
No, counterclockwise.
Jump high.
And that's an "E", which spells "horse," again.
Guess you need some icy hot for that tennis elbow.
Oh, I guess you need some rhinestones for your vajazzling.
- I don't know what that means.
- One more game,
- come on, best of 13.
- Phil,
Phil, let me just stop you right there, okay?
This whole thing, this competition...
Competition?
What... that's not...
I'm not a competitive guy.
That is not me, ask around.
Dude, you had to play me in tennis, now horse.
What's next, huh, a freaking bake off?
Look, you just need to face it.
You're never gonna beat me at anything, so let's just go back to court, and let me finish you off... this off.
This trial.
Hey, you guys, I got to thank you.
Your advice, I just had a breakthrough with my case.
I have a whole new plan.
Tinsy, he's gonna be a free man.
Good, good, glad I was able to help.
No, no, no, not you. 
It was Phil.
Thank you for what you said last night.
Game changer, thank you.
H-how, how last night? 
How?
Well, I just, uh, do what I do, yup, and if what I did convinces Nina to take my stage advice instead of your stupid, crappy advice,
I guess, I don't know, sue me.
You know what, fine, I lost once, but you lost every other time.
Yeah, but the one that I won just happened, so it's new. 
It's fresh, super fresh.
How do you feel, huh?
Reeling a little bit before you go back into court?
- You gonna be okay there, huh?
- Yeah.
Yeah, maybe get some Rogaine, and put it on your ballsack.
That'll make you feel better.
Where'd you hear that? 
I don't even...
I don't even do that. 
I don't... 
I don't.
Uh-oh, where's Nina?
Micah, where's Nina?
She's late.
Thank you, I so enjoy our talks.
I'm so sorry I'm late, Your Honor.
- What happened to you?
- Oh, I'm fine.
- I'm fine, it's okay.
- Are you okay?
- No, I'm great.
- You don't look okay.
I'm all right.
Okay. 
I'm great.
- Sorry.
- Thank you, thank you.
No, that's good, it's okay.
All right.
Oops, it's... upsy-daisy.
- Okay, okay.
- Just get that out of there.
There you go.
You've all seen the evidence.
Okay, it was dark, someone got mugged, and then later, someone saw Tinsy Curtis, and said it was him.
Now, I know you understand the evidence, or lack thereof, since it's my job to make you understand.
Oh, may I?
Even if you clearly don't like me for doing that job.
Oh, that drawing's really good.
- Not for Nina.
- None of you know Tinsy.
Oh, yeah, they hate her, oh.
You don't, you've just seen him sit over here in his chair.
And now, let me ask you this quick question.
Is sitting in a chair... is that scary?
You ever been on the Batman ride?
Shh.
You can't judge a person by the way they look.
You judge them on their actions.
The defense rests, Your Honor.
Ooh. 
Oh.
Mm. 
Oh, thank you so much.
There you go.
I still think they don't like her.
It's not about her. 
It's about him.
Oh. 
Him who?
No, it's a false statement, a false statement, Your Honor.
I will warn you again, counselor
I think you heard him.
Piece... it doesn't matter.
- No, he...
- You heard him, ladies and gentlemen... that means absolutely nothing.
Well, there was intent,
- that's all that really matters.
- Doesn't matter
- what the intent is.
- A piece of...
It's a false statement.
Oh, I think it does.
Your Honor?
Uh, Your Honor?
Great, ickles strokes out, now, we got an instant mistrial.
Poor bastard. 
Paramedic said he'll be fine, so I guess nobody wins, huh?
Well, I mean, I was clearly gonna win before he froze.
What? 
No he was totally gonna
- rule in my favor.
- What part of...
Don't you understand?
Okay, that's offensive.
Race you to the vending machine?
What? 
No, I'm not doing that.
Okay, okay, okay, no, no, you're right, you're right, this is childish.
This is childish.
Gah!
Burt, Phil!
All right, what the hell happened to you?
Ohh... nothing.
Not guilty, she got him off.
You should've seen it.
So you faked having an injury to influence the jury?
That's a hack move.
- Yeah, right.
- Put that down.
Okay, you're scaring me, just...
The jury hated her, granted, but they loved them some Tinsy.
I mean, she was limping.
He's pulling out chairs.
- He's giving her tissues.
- Mm-hmm.
They were like an old couple in a senior center.
Burt, come on, by her a drink.
She will literally drink anything.
- It's true.
- Okay, wonder woman, up to the bar.
- So you went with this, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
You didn't take any of our advice?
No.
Oh, yeah, well, only Phil can do Phil.
And only Nina can do Nina.
I bet Phil could do Nina.
How about Phil just keeps doing Phil?
But hey, congrats on the mistrial.
I mean, that was a "stroke" of good luck.
You know? 
Oh!
There's not a chair there.
Now, how do I know you're not faking?

Subtitles by 
- KG -
Oh Genny, you all right?
- I haven't slept in two days.
- Do you still have jet lag?
I've got the nerves.
- Everything all right?
- He's in top form.
My darling...
You're thin as a model.
Everybody, get back to work.
Come on, boys.
- We'll go to eat something together one evening.
- All of us will come.
I'm glad to see you.
- What are you saying?
- You arrived three days ago.
- And now you show yourself?
- I wanted to rest a little.
Shall we go for a drive?
I need to get some of the guys to come with me, I have something to sort out.
Is there a problem?
- No problem.
- Good. 
See you, Ciro.
- Genna...
I'm living a shit life running around with these junkies.
This isn't for me.
- We need to talk. 
Do you hear me?
- See you, Ciro.
Hi, Genna. 
Where have you been?
- We need to talk.
- Let's have a line. 
Long time no see.
Throw that shit away.
I want to talk, I said.
- What do you need to say?
- Can all of you go outside? 
Thank you.
It must be important.
You have to put yourself up as mayoral candidate in Giugliano.
No problem.
I can also be president.
What the hell are you laughing at?
What are you laughing at?
- You're actually serious.
- Fabbretti is an old asshole.
We need young people like you.
But with Fabbretti we are all behind him.
We have always supported him.
What kind of man are you?
Have you no dignity?
I got 900 votes for the municipal elections. 
Fabbretti got 30,000.
- It'll be embarrassing.
- Not with me. 
Do you understand?
Look at me.
You are good enough.
Everybody likes you in Giugliano.
Tomorrow we're printing your posters.
We'll make a list of all the young people.
Then we find those who can give us the votes. 
You will know all this.
- Do I have a choice, Genna?
- What do you think?
- Let's try this endeavour then.
- This is no endeavour.
I will make you mayor, but you have to believe it.
I'll believe it tomorrow.
Now let me have a line.
- See you, Miche.
- See you, Genny.
Come on, let's go.
Shut your mouth, I don't want to hear you talk.
Better we don't talk otherwise it all ends badly.
No, now we're talking.
What's the problem?
- Do you think that I've taken your place?
- Shut up, I said I didn't want to hear you talk!
- Shall we order fried seafood for everyone?
- First, we'll have to wait for donna Imma.
We are not waiting for anyone.
Today you can talk to me.
Hurry, I have other things to do.
Then we'll start. 
Gennaro, with goods from Honduras, we control the market now.
We only have you to thank for all your hard work.
Genna, is that you?
It must be ten years since.
- How are you, Mino?
- I got out two weeks ago.
I work as a dishwasher now.
Maybe you can help me out?
- I'm busy talking business. 
We'll talk later.
- We went to the same school.
Remember they called you "red pepper"?
Because you were round and fat and red in the face.
- Do you remember that?
- Yes, I can.
But don't tell me anymore.
I'll call you later.
Okay.
- Where were we?
- You have invited Ciro.
He hasn't been involved lately with the large trades.
But he is one of your best friends, and at the moment, he should be close by you.
Have you asked one of your friends to plead your case?
Genna. 
We all have plenty of experience.
We made it on the street.
- We grew up with your father.
- We should focus on what's important.
There are elections coming up in Giugliano.
They're building a transport center.
We're covered. 
We have the mayor Fabbretti.
500 cold stores, movie theatre, bowling.
In addition, a police station.
A train station. 6,000 jobs all for us.
We'll get our share.
Fabbretti has always supported us.
I will not share anymore, Zecchinetta.
I want it all.
Do you think that it's just us?
Here, everyone should have food on their table.
I have already paid for everyone.
- Hey Mino, come here.
- This is going to hell...
- What the fuck are you doing?
- What do we do with him?
Here, take this.
You good to take care of this Ciro Make sure you do it properly.
He's crazy.
Come on, let s go.
- Genna. 
Genna.
- Wait.
This is our moment that we waited for years, but you treat me like shit.
Have you forgotten what I've done for you? 
We are brothers.
I forget nothing.
But you and me, we're not brothers.
I'm Pietro's son, not you.
Now I take over.
Of course it's your turn.
But I want to work alongside you.
No, Ciro. 
If you're next to me it will be business as usual.
I have to prove to the others, that I can handle it all myself.
Be careful Genna, If you go it alone, it'll be the end of you.
Maybe. 
Don't be angry, Ciro.
Now it's my turn.
We have 3,000 flyers and 500 posters.
Tonight we're putting posters up throughout Giugliano.
Split up into zones. 
I don't want to see Fabbretti's poster up anywhere.
- Give me two boxes.
- Give me five.
- Where should we start?
- This is my neighbourhood. 
Everyone already knows me.
- They're all people with money, communists, students.
- What are our options?
- It's tough.
- Then we have work to do.
Come on, let's get started.
- Hey, Daniele.
- Hey.
- Hey, Ciro.
- Hey kid, the boss in yet?
- He's not here yet.
- Can I leave it with you? 
Are you able to fix it?
- I'm a monster with Triumph's.
- It doesn't run well.
- It must be the spark plug.
- Check over it carefully.
- I hope it's in good hands, yeah.
- It will be sorted.
- See you, Daniele.
- See you.
- Who is he?
- He's Gaetano Salemi, a builder.
He hasn't worked in two years. 
He's losing it.
Good, if they're angry it's better for us.
Fabbretti gave me a promise.
I'll get him 3,000 votes.
And then we share all the contracts.
Equally.
Equal my arse.
- That's why we're here.
- Do you endorse my candidacy?
Support? 
I support no one. 
I've been taken in the ass too many times.
- We give you our word of honour.
- Your word? 
What do you mean? 
Honour?
I have not earned a damn thing for two years.
- Do you know about the transport center...
- It will not happen.
Yes, it will.
When we win, it's ours and yours.
- I'll do everything for you.
- And you're going against Fabbretti?
No, we'll put everyone against him. 
If we win, we'll take it all for ourselves.
I was bitten by a dog. 
Look.
I have disinfected it.
Put a little iodine on it.
It doesn't look infected, looks fine.
Fine is it?
- You're also a candidate for the election.
- Yes.
I support Michele Casillo.
Last election you got 7,000 preference votes.
I could really use those.
I have served the municipality for ten years, but not on your side.
The lists are not published yet.
- There is always a place for you.
- You are wasting your time.
I know you're a good person.
But I'm not here to make friends.
I'm saying we must stand together against all those destroying our city.
- We can't make alliances.
- What alliances?
Alliances, there still alliances these days?
I must be honest. 
I know who you are and where you're from.
If the wound was deeper, it would have reached the ulna and radius.
Doctor, I'm ignorant.
But I know a few things.
There's room for you at the bottom of my list. 
Do you understand?
Good job.
They all do it...
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You're name is Gessica yeah.
- How do you know?
A mutual acquaintance. 
I am Genny.
- Are you from Giugliano?
- No.
- What do you want?
- To tell you that you're too beautiful.
- Go away.
- Wait.
- Are you here tomorrow?
- Why?
I'll wait for you, maybe we can go for a drive.
- We'll see. 
Bye.
- Bye.
Trak, will you have hash or pot?
- Can I see?
- Pot is best.
What are you smoking?
Is that marijuana?
You don't understand a damn thing.
- Have you made some money?
- Can your feet reach the ground?
Beautiful motorcycle.
- Who does it belong to?
- It's Ciro's.
So Ciro gives you permission to ride around on his motorcycle?
I had to fix the spark plug.
Now I'm trying to test it.
- Get off.
- No, stop now.
Shut up.
You stay here. 
Now it's ours.
You stay here.
Be a good boy.
Stay there and shut up.
Now he's going to hurt himself.
- Hello.
- Hello.
I have all the signatures with me.
- 500 Signatures?
- 850, just to be safe.
Let me go, out of the way.
- Idiot, what the fuck are you doing?
- Go away, don't touch me.
- What does this mean you have your own list?
- I said don't touch me.
Piece of shit, I'll smash his face.
Genna, Fabbretti took the signatures.
Do I have to do everything myself?
What the hell's going on?
You must make an appointment.
- I'm Gennaro Savastano. 
Give me the list.
- Then it was the Savastano's showing support for Casillo.
- I like you but let me talk to your mother.
- You're talking to me.
It's a miracle that your friend is sitting in the council.
Get out now.
- Give me the signatures.
- Do you understand the mess you're making?
What's it gonna be?
I dropped the bike.
Dropped it?
How did it happen?
It's my fault. 
I was out riding it yesterday.
I'm fixing it. 
Give me two days.
You're funny. 
That nutjob Capaebomba told me what happened.
"Dropped it."
I'm looking for someone I can trust.
Who's capable.
I need a courier.
You can drive around town delivering stuff.
If you do it well...
You like the motorcycle?
Then you get it.
What do you say?
- You up to it?
- Yes.
- Can I trust you?
- Yes, you can.
- I have to go now. 
Bye.
- See you.
- I have to go.
- Wait...
- Gessica.
- I have to go now.
Good night.
- It's 1:00.
- I know, Dad...
Don't be hard on her, doctor.
It's our first date.
It was my fault. 
Good night.
- Hey, Gennaro.
- Good evening.
Why did you make that mess?
Is Fabbretti no good for you anymore?
- Has the mayor done something wrong?
- Michele Casillo is younger, more prepared.
Gennaro, this year they will make me secretary for the transport ministry.
We will get the transport center built, because of me.
If you need anything, then come straight to me.
You don't need the mayor to get what you want.
Are you saying you'll do me a favour?
You have my father to thank for your job.
Does your father agree, does he know what you're doing?
Father is sitting in isolation.
Now it's me who decides.
Listen here then. 
I don't care about Giugliano's Mayor one bit.
Many friends have asked me, to get you to reconsider.
You get people against you, which have worked side by side with your father for years.
Reliable people who like you.
I understand that.
You are young and want to change things.
Oh...
I should shoot you in the mouth, because you're wasting my time.
Do you understand that?
What is it?
- Nothing.
- Sure?
- I'll call you later.
- Will you?
I have to go. 
Bye.
Hello, doctor.
What are you doing?
What do you want from me?
I don't know what people are saying about my family, but they are envious.
I actually like Gessica.
I can't say anything more than this.
Have a nice day.
If a customer will patronize me he must walk 500 meters.
- So he is acting in the supermarket.
- I know you have lost many customers.
Excuse me.
- The shop-owners are with us.
- It's not enough.
What do you mean?
We have them all with us now.
St. Stephen's association is with us.
Tomorrow I'm talking to the sports hall.
Fabbretti last time got 64% of votes. 
We must get them. 
Even those on the left.
- Left? 
That's 24 votes?
- What are you laughing at, what's so funny?
If we lose, it's all over.
- I'm doing my best.
- It's not enough.
- You go from door to door and get one vote at a time, you hear?
- Yes.
- Come on.
- "Come on."
I'll be hosting an election dinner for you with important people.
- I wanted to show you the venue to see if you like it.
- I do not want anything from you, understand?
- You can't make mistakes with me anymore.
- What mistakes are you talking about?
Since you've been back, I don't know what the hell I've done to you?
You don't get it, you don't know?
Then I'll tell you.
In Honduras, I sat in a cabin with an American who talked and talked because he was scared.
In the meantime your money didn't arrive.
One evening they gave me a machete.
They shouted, "Kill him. 
Kill him".
I prayed that you would rescue me. 
But no one came.
They screamed:
"Kill him, otherwise we will kill you."
So I did it.
I chopped off his head.
Then his arms, then his hands.
I chopped him to pieces.
Do you understand me now?
If it wasn't for me you'd still be running around with that Ciro.
I sent you there for you to learn something.
It seems that it worked.
Am I right?
2,000 votes. 
Maybe.
That's all I can do.
I don't understand fully doctor. 
Explain.
I will try and give you all my votes if possible.
But you have to promise me to stop seeing my daughter.
- You really think I'm a toilet?
- I have no opinion about you.
That's my offer.
Do you accept it or not?
- And then they call us shit people.
- Tomorrow I'll call all the patients.
Remove your hand from the throat.
We'll talk again, when the polling stations close.
Get out.
There he is. 
Hurry.
Are you the president of the electoral office?
- Hello.
- Listen, up.
The night before the election you're going give us blank sheets through toilet window.
Hey!
Turn him.
Do you understand what my friend said?
Do you understand?
- Let's get out, Capaebomba. 
Come on.
- He got it, yeah?
Go, go.
- Champagne?
- Yes.
Sorry, I'll talk with the other guests.
Gennaro.
Over there are the Maturano brothers.
They know a lot of people.
If you want, I can go to them myself.
No, why? 
Come on.
Good. 
Now get back to work.
Don't worry, I lead in the polls.
Thanks everyone, don't make any mistakes please.
Hey.
What the hell are you doing here Fabbretti?
Candidates can't be at polling stations.
Why? 
We're supposed to though.
- Get out of here now, understand?
- Why are you making all this racket?
- This is the last time, you shouldn't be here.
Go now.
I understand your plan now.
You were right.
You show that you can handle it yourself.
They will respect you.
I'm here Genna, but remember this.
I'm your best friend.
I'm always on your side, even if you lose.
I don't lose Ciro. 
Do you understand that?
Hurry.
Good day.
- Booth two.
- Thank you.
Now.
Go now.
These are the first counts from the municipal elections in Giugliano.
It is a constituency with a clear result.
It is a surprising victory for candidate Casillo who has polled many more votes than mayor Fabbretti.
We proceed to the other municipalities...
- Hey, Mayor.
- Where the fuck are you? 
We should celebrate.
I know. 
Bring the whole committee.
- And you?
- I gotta go do something.
See you later.
We have an hour.
I said, I was going to a friend.
We should celebrate.
- Hello.
- I told Gessica not to see me anymore.
- Thank you.
- Before I fucked her, I came in her mouth.
So she doesn't get pregnant.

What's the target?
The locals call him Spin Pairay, the White Ghost.
You're gonna kill him.
You see him?
KENSI:
Yeah, I see him.
Take the shot, Agent Blye.
Agent Blye, take the shot.
Ah!
(shouting in Pashto)
Oh, my God.
(automatic gunfire)
What the hell happened?
I'm not even sure it was him.
I want a detailed report in my hands within the hour.
Fine.
(man grunts in pain)
(groaning)
(grunts)
(panting)
(groans)
(gun cocks) Please.
Let me make this right.
(gunfire)
MAN: 
Say it.
(whimpers)
Into the camera!
I'm ATF Agent Kevin Clark.
And like a-a cowardly snake hiding in the brush,
I've been conducting an undercover operation.
I am what is wrong in this world of hypocrisy.
Our federal ranks have been infiltrated and my kind will be eliminated.
I will not be the last.
(sobbing)
I... am a rat.
And like all rats,
I will be properly exterminated.
MAN:
Do it!
(guns cocking) Wait. 
Wait, wait. 
No!
(groans)
♪ NCIS: 
LA 5x17 ♪ Between the Lines Original Air Date on March 18, 2014
== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man
♪
Boom! 
In and out before 9:15 a.m.
That is how you close a case.
And I understand that saving the day is just part of my job, but you can thank me later with bottomless pitchers at O'Malley's.
What was that?
What was... what was what?
Out there.
Why'd you go?
Why did I go?
Two reasons:
one, there was an F-150 filled with explosives barreling down at us, and two, you said,
"Go, go, go."
He didn't mean go.
I said "go"
so that they'd show their hand.
Yeah, but that's not what you said.
It's what he didn't say.
Why didn't you just say, "I need more time."
Because then the bad guys would know the plan.
But shouldn't I know the plan?
Yeah, you should know the plan.
And you should know that sometimes the plan changes.
Okay... here's the deal.
We won, okay?
We should be feasting on the enemy's finest meats and cheeses.
What is the problem here?
We need to know you're on the same page.
We need to know you can read our intent.
You mean your minds?
Okay, listen, I do recognize that you guys have developed some sort of mutant telepathic, like, connection here, but I...
Did you hear that, Sam?
Oh, yeah.
That was cute.
What was cute?
He misses her.
(laughs): 
Oh, my God.
Right, you're gathering that from what I just said?
Yeah.
Well, your intent was pretty clear to me.
Like, it's not what you're saying, it's...
It's what you're not saying.
Exactly.
You know what?
I've always wondered what it'd be like to have two older brothers... that I hated.
Now I know.
That sounds like a cry for help from a lonely childhood.
Oh, you want to play this game, too, Beale?
Well, if it's about the case on deck in ops, yes.
Your childhood's gonna have to wait. (clicks tongue)
Chop-chop.
Okay, isn't there some sort of agent union mandate that prohibits, like, multiple cases without, like, a massage in between?
Yeah, but it doesn't matter.
You're not an agent.
I just keep opening doors, you just keep walking through 'em.
It sounds like someone doesn't like his job.
I think Hetty should be informed.
No, no.
No informing Hetty of anything.
No, no. 
That's not... what my intent said.
What I-I meant was...
Look, if you're not cut out for the job,
I mean, I understand.
Son of a...!
This went viral two hours after it was posted this morning.
They pulled it, but not before it got 12,000 hits.
Warning: it's pretty graphic.
I'm a rat... and like all rats...
I will be promptly exterminated.
MAN:
Do it!
Wait. 
Wait, wait. 
No! 
No!
(gunfire)
ERIC: 
ATF has confirmed the identity of the victim as Agent Kevin Clark.
All right, why us?
Why not ATF?
NELL:
Hetty asked the same question.
Agent Clark was part of a joint task force investigating the Navy's concern about sailors on shore leave engaging in criminal activity.
Ships come into port, guys want to see L.A.
for a little RR.
NELL: 
Next thing you know, a sailor's in over his head with gambling debt.
When he can't pay, his family's threatened, forcing him to smuggle guns or fork over launch codes for the latest nuclear subs.
ERIC: 
Easy target for anyone willing to take advantage.
Hmm.
Keep me abreast of your findings.
Will do, Hetty.
DEEKS:
So, who kills a Fed and puts it on YouTube?
Someone who wants to send a message--
"Back off or else."
You got to have some serious muscle to send a message like that.
Somebody who thinks they have the power to take us on.
We have any idea where this happened?
No, some sort of garage.
And, uh, no report of a body yet.
The support beams in this garage are from the 1920s.
They're not retrofitted for seismic activity.
We were able to identify the buildings of that area yet to be retrofitted-- they're all in a three-block radius of downtown's Little Tokyo.
SAM: 
What was Agent Clark investigating?
Uh, still waiting to hear from the ATF.
Little Tokyo's run by the Black Dragons,
Gaki Boyz and Yakuza.
Check out ATF, see what you can find.
Talk to anybody who knows Agent Clark.
On it.
We need those addresses, Eric.
Got it.
Agent Stone is finishing a call.
He'll be right with you, Detective.
Thank you so much.
Really taking advantage of that
Casual Tuesday, huh?
I'm working a biker gang moving a ton of meth out in Palmdale.
Mm.
Unfortunately, most of them will get away.
Why is that?
Not enough budget for the manpower.
We can only go after the top guys.
They do make it difficult, don't they?
Only if you ask permission.
Yeah, better to beg for forgiveness, right?
Mm. 
Are you here about Clark?
I am. 
You, uh... you have any idea what he was working on?
Clark didn't like to share.
Hated to divvy up the glory.
Hopefully, that's not what got him killed.
Not that it matters.
Either way, he's dead.
No one deserves to go out like that.
Sorry to keep you waiting, Detective.
Not a problem.
Agent Bower was just filling me in.
You're taking over Clark's caseload.
Because I don't already have enough of a backlog.
Interesting creature.
So, you got a little tension in the ranks, huh?
Some short fuses from too much work and not enough bodies, that's all.
Right. 
Agent Clark have any leads in his investigation?
We busted some sailors moving guns over the border.
Clark said the joint task force had a lead, said he'd brief me when they could.
Never happened.
Who else knew that?
Only me.
Is that pretty standard?
I'm covering 50 operations.
12 in L.A.
Sometimes they intersect.
In an emergency, it gives our guys plausible deniability.
Right. 
So they can't, uh, tell what they don't know.
I get to go do damage control.
I'll be happy to answer any of your questions later.
Call me if you think of anything.
Thank you so much for your time.
Oh, Detective.
Yeah?
Here's something.
Clark was working without a partner when he should've been.
Budget cuts.
Report that to the suits upstairs.
I will. 
Thank you, sir.
♪ ♪
Any sign of that convoy?
No, sir.
Got a drone in the air?
We're flying a search radius from the disabled vehicle they abandoned.
Still nothing.
Where's Blye?
Haven't seen her yet.
Hey, Blye, we need to talk.
(knocking)
Blye?
All right, she's not here.
You didn't see her go out?
No, sir.
Anybody seen Blye this morning?
MAN: 
No.
Mm-mm, no.
Mm-mm.
Find out if any vehicles have been checked out, or if anybody saw her leave the base.
(sighs):
Number five.
I'm starting to think whoever killed Agent Clark took the body with them.
I'm getting way more familiar with the underbelly of Little Tokyo than I'd like to.
Yeah. 
Upside is, we're near some of the best udon in L.A.
You know where the best udon in L.A. is, don't you?
I know where you think the best udon is-- 30 miles from the nearest FDA office, in an industrial park next to a strip club.
It does have character.
Yeah, it probably has botulism, too.
Sam Hanna doesn't support the little guy.
I support the little guy.
I'm just not gonna pay him to poison me.
Mm-hmm.
Hey.
Fifth time's a charm?
If you're looking for bullet hits.
It's definitely blood.
Where's the body?
Got drag marks.
G?
His tongue was cut out.
What do you think blew his cover?
SAM:
Could have slipped up.
Yeah, or he was served up.
What do you got?
Possible lead?
Blank on the other side.
Except for the matrix barcode.
(chirps)
It's asking for a password.
Sounds like a job for Eric and Nell.
(thudding)
Stop! 
Federal agents!
Split up!
(panting)
(grunts)
(grunts)
(gasps)
SAM:
Like I said, federal agents.
Jason Anakawa.
Vandalism, petty theft, public indecency?
Really?
What were you doing down at the garage?
Practicing my Parkour?
Yeah? 
You need to start practicing your lying, too.
I guess we can add murder to the list, huh?
I didn't murder Agent Clark.
Who's Agent Clark?
I didn't mention Agent Clark.
Did you?
I didn't say a word about an Agent Clark.
I got to admit, now I'm curious.
I'm a member of the 3rd Street Gaki Boyz.
I was Agent Clark's in.
You're a snitch?
Informant.
Excuse me. 
Informant.
Couldn't say anything at the garage.
They have eyes everywhere.
So, what are you doing down there?
Heard what happened.
I was looking for him.
How'd you know where to find him?
A suspected gang informant got merc'd two weeks ago at that same spot.
Who killed Agent Clark?
I don't know for sure, but that's the Gaki Boyz style.
Why would the Gaki Boyz want Agent Clark dead?
They don't.
If it was us, we were just carrying out orders.
Carrying out orders from who?
The Yakuza.
They run everything from 3rd Street to Broadway.
You seem to know the area pretty well.
Grew up there.
My dad owned a bar and worked his ass off for 30 years, but barely saw a profit.
Paying protection to gangs like the Yakuza.
It literally killed him.
So, how did you end up with the Gaki Boyz?
After my father died,
I lost it for a while.
Got in with the wrong crowd.
Made mistakes.
You know?
So, why the sudden change of heart?
Some of the Boyz were shaking down a store owner, and it all came rushing back.
What those guys did to my father.
At that moment, I promised myself
I'd do something about it.
How'd you meet Agent Clark?
He had a chance to bust me, and let me go.
Said he saw something in me.
Reached out one day and asked me to work for him.
Said I could redeem myself.
You have any idea how his cover got blown?
I'll tell you what I know, but you got to get me back to the streets ASAP.
The longer I'm in here, the worse it's gonna be.
If somebody saw you, then, you're probably safer in here with us.
Yeah, I'd rather take my chances out there.
Clark was good to me.
If I can help you take down who did this, I will.
Hey, any news?
Yeah, I checked it out.
Seems Agent Clark and Agent Bower had a beef.
Clark notified the media of a bust which tipped off the bad guys.
No arrests were made.
So, maybe Bower had an axe to grind.
Anything else?
Nothing yet.
But, look, whoever killed Agent Clark knew that building was a security camera blind spot.
Anything from ATF?
I think Clark may have fallen through the cracks.
They have a lot going on over there.
You know, actually, Stone mentioned that Clark was working without a partner.
Maybe he tried to alert somebody when things started to go bad.
Mm. 
Well, if ATF is backlogged, then, yeah, they could have missed it.
All right, so, I'll search for any transmissions or phone messages that were sent by Clark before he was killed.
Great.
Okay.
Is there anything else?
Um... yeah. 
Did...? 
Sorry.
Um, have you...?
Have you had any contact with Kensi?
Uh... no, actually.
I haven't heard from her for a day or two.
Why? 
What's up?
Nothing. 
I just, I can't reach her.
Well... 
I imagine she's safe.
(laughs quietly)
I mean, she's a big girl.
(hoofbeats approaching)
(men speaking Pashto, gun chambers clicking)
(horse sputters) (speaking Pashto)
(speaking Pashto)
(sighs)
CALLEN:
Anything?
Yeah, we thought the ATF may have missed something.
And they did.
Agent Clark had to know the meeting place, because he set up a surveillance camera that automatically uploaded the photos to a drop box.
The photos were never opened.
Who's the guy talking to Agent Clark?
I'm pulling it up now.
(beep, Nell sighs)
I got a facial match.
Me Tommy Walker.
Career criminal in the making.
Can you find him?
I can try.
How'd you guys make out?
Agent Clark was looking into the Yakuza.
Turns out, they own the building where we found his body.
He also had an informant embedded with the Gaki Boyz.
Gaki Boyz. 
That's hardcore.
Okay, Walker just used his debit card at a bar in West Hills 26 minutes ago.
Well, let's hope he drinks slow.
I'm on it.
ERIC: 
Wait.
You guys have to see this.
(two beeps)
This happened 30 minutes ago.
The guy in the black shirt running the show-- that's Takashi Shiro, fastest rise to boss within the Yakuza family.
SAM:
Who's this guy they grabbed?
Agent Stone. 
ATF.
(men speaking Pashto)
(speaking Pashto)
(gasps quietly)
SAM:
What do we know about Shiro?
Bad Guy Hall of Fame candidate.
Wanted globally for racketeering, arms smuggling and murder.
The big guy next to him-- that's his bloodthirsty bodyguard, Cho Yamamoto.
And no I.D. on the third guy.
Okay. 
Thanks.
LAPD's on the scene.
They're going to call us if they find anything.
All right.
I want access to every available camera in the area.
Think. 
Why Stone? 
Why now?
Well, Stone told Deeks he was the only one privy to Agent Clark's investigation.
They could have forced Agent Clark to give up Stone before they killed him.
Stone was working on dozens of different undercover ops.
And if they torture Stone to give up those other operatives...
We could be looking at gangland executions of dozens of agents.
We're going to have to shut down every operation we're running with the ATF.
Years of undercover work wasted.
I'm open to suggestions.
(sighs)
Very well. 
We have no choice.
We can't risk the chance that they've been made.
Hetty, give us a little more time.
Time is the one thing we don't have very much of.
At least give us till end of day before you pull the trigger.
All right, but if any other operation is compromised...
I know. 
You pull 'em out.
If it's not already too late.
Don't waste our time, we won't waste yours.
We know you set up Agent Clark.
Whatevs, man. 
I have no clue what you're talking about.
You know him.
You got a federal agent murdered.
I'm talking no parole.
Mm. 
Once he's locked up, maybe he can start his own reality show.
Real Housewives of Cell Block 2.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
I didn't know dude was a Fed.
Straight up, you know?
No.
You're dumber than you look.
What do you do for the Yakuza?
Look... 
look, man.
I'm just a street-level independent contractor, all right? 
The "company"
provides a service that targets sailors looking for thrills.
When they hit the shores looking for a good time, boom!
The company gives it to 'em.
Big-time.
Anything you can think of.
Gambling, girls...
Drugs?
What are you into anyway, big man? 
Hmm?
Goth Lolitas? 
We got them, too.
What is this?
(chuckles) Just the key to the best time of your life.
The cards get passed out when the ships come in.
If they're interested, they zap that with their phone and it's on and poppin'.
Where do we get the password?
Yours truly.
You enter the password, choose what you want from a dropdown list and, blam, you get hooked up.
Easy peasy.
20th century technology, baby.
This is the 21st century, baby.
Whatever, man.
Look, all I know is that it works.
We got a pickup service and everything.
Guys can't navigate Obamacare but they can get a hooker in two minutes.
Know what I'm sayin', big man?
Put your hands down.
Okay.
I'm starting to see why they take guys to the garage.
How'd they make Agent Clark?
I don't know, man, but this time it was different.
How so?
Usually the guys hit me up for the password and I send 'em on their way.
I was told to pick up that dude personally.
By who?
Seriously?
This is the Ya-ku-za.
Cool suits, missing fingers, appetite for murder?
(scoffs) You don't ask guys like that questions.
I just answer the phone and do whatever the dude on the other end tells me to.
Excuse me, G.
Password.
Now.
Check out them Goth Lolitas, bro.
Shut up and write the password down, man.
Hey, man, dang. 
Come on.
Look, just know that if you go into one of their buildings, you're in.
I'm talking lockdown.
This better work.
It will.
(door closes)
You believe him?
Eh, it's the best lead we got.
Besides, he's not smart enough to lie.
(beep)
CALLEN: 
All right, Sam, what are you thinking?
Underage girls, overpriced drugs or crooked dice?
Let's roll the dice.
(beeping) Damn, he wasn't kidding.
This is high-tech.
We're set for a pickup in Hollywood in one hour.
How we looking, fellas?
Well, it's quiet on this end.
I still think I make a better sailor than you.
I am a sailor.
Exactly. 
Too close to it.
Nobody's buying you as Navy.
Unless it's Old Navy.
(chuckles)
If you guys are done talking about your feelings, you should probably pay attention to the town car approaching from the west.
Why don't you get yourself in character, huh?
It's not a character.
(chuckles)
Thank you.
Whew. 
Feeling lucky today, you know? 
(starts engine)
CALLEN: 
Guys, get us everything you can on that building.
We're pulling in to a garage across the street.
Activating Geospatial Information Fusion Technology.
NELL: 
Uh, wouldn't it be easier to just say
"GIFT"?
Yeah, but it's not nearly as Star Trek-ish.
You're right.
(chuckles)
Okay, so the building has seven floors.
Uh, most all access points were sealed years ago except, of course, for the side entrance where they took Sam.
ERIC: 
And it looks like the Monroe Group owns that building and all the surrounding buildings as well.
Okay, guys, just so you know, it looks like there's been nearly a dozen investigations trying to implicate the Monroe Group as a front for a Yakuza crime family.
CALLEN:
Thanks, Nell.
Okay, I'm going crazy sitting in here.
I think I'm gonna do a lap, see what I can see.
Don't talk to strangers.
Thanks, Dad.
(door opening) Damn it. 
I got company.
Clear in the back.
Heading to the front.
No, no, no.
Um, guys, we got a little bit of a situation here.
Yeah, Clark's informant, Anakawa?
They killed him.
So much for redemption.
How do you think they get on to him?
Maybe Stone's talking.
Yeah, but Stone hadn't heard from Agent Clark, so there's no way he could've known that Clark was using Jason as an informant.
Then either Clark gave up Jason before he was killed... or the Yakuza saw Jason talking to us at the garage.
Which could mean...
Sam could be walking into a trap.
♪ ♪ (indistinct chatter)
Seven out!
All right.
Here. 
Take care of me, baby.
Hook me up.
My pleasure.
(chuckles) Or yours.
(chuckles)
Handsome new shooter coming out.
Mm.
Let me see, let me see, let me see. 
Let me see.
(mumbles)
Thank you, Betty.
(cheering)
Gonna make some money?
You look like you need some money. (chuckles)
DEALER: 
Winner!
Oh! 
Oh!
Huh? 
I'm just getting started.
Sam, we just found Jason Anakawa's body behind the building. 
We may have been made at the garage.
Let's get you out of there.
Ooh... kay.
Winner!
Oh! 
Oh!
Sam, do you copy?
Nobody's home.
Eric, I need eyes and ears.
I'm working on it.
Looks like the building is using a scrambler.
I'm trying to boost the signal but... this is gonna take time.
We can't just leave him in there.
Comms go down, no matter what, you get three cycles to check in before we go in guns blazing.
To hell with cycles.
These guys have no problem killing people.
We have to give Sam a chance to do his job.
Okay, okay.
We also need to find a way to get in there if he needs us.
Keep an eye on the front.
Got it.
Eric, I need roof access at my location.
(speaking Japanese)
All kind of action in here.
You have no idea.
Really?
Ready? 
You ready?
Yeah?
(cheering)
Lucky seven!
See?
That's what I'm talking about.
I do this all day.
I do this all day long!
A man with staying power.
You have no idea, all right?
You know what? 
For the table.
Here, all right. 
That's for you.
Aw.
Uh, bathroom?
All right, pass my roll.
I'll be back, okay?
Don't be long.
We don't want the dice to cool off.
That's impossible.
I'm on fire, baby.
Don't you agree?
(chuckles) Yeah.
Gentlemen.
ERIC: 
Callen, the door on your right, it leads to the roof.
Deeks, back to me.
All right, copy that.
Right behind you.
Yo, how much to get back here?
VIPs only.
Come on, man. 
You got the Goth Lolitas back there?
How much? 
Come on, man.
(grunting)
(buzzing) (grunts)
(neck cracks)
Federal agents. 
Put your hands where I can see 'em and you turn around slowly.
(quietly): 
I'm ATF. 
And get down, so they don't see you.
Bower, what the hell are you doing here, man?
After Stone got grabbed, I took a look through Clark's files.
His notes led me to this building.
(sighs) Clark may have been an ass, but I'm not gonna stand by while it's open season on our agents.
We still got a man inside.
Well, I hope you can get him out.
Something's got them buzzing.
Right there.
Third guy just bolted back inside.
Two guards left out front.
This might be our best chance.
(panting)
(grunting)
(pants)
Hey.
Hey, hey.
(Sam softly grunts)
Hey, hey, please tell me that you're a cop.
(Sam groans)
Is that what I think it is?
(sighs) Yeah.
It's an execution station.
(sighs) I can't reestablish communication.
Sam's missed his third check-in cycle.
I'll notify Hetty.
Consider me notified.
Contact the ATF task force.
Inform them they've been compromised.
I want every undercover agent extracted immediately.
Which operation?
All of them.
Okay.
(phone line ringing)
Time's up. 
No word from Sam.
CALLEN: 
There's got to be another way in to this place and I think I just found it.
I'm gonna need a diversion.
That's what I'm talking about.
Is there a plan or we freestyling?
Oh, there's always a plan.
(grunts)
(panting)
My name is John Stone.
I'm an ATF agent.
Please tell me that someone knows you're here.
I'm just a Navy guy with a dice addiction.
Then why'd they throw you in here?
I was up pretty big.
Maybe they thought I was cheating.
I-I don't know how much longer I can hold out.
I already I already gave up two names.
They killed them both.
They cut one of my guy's tongues out.
Look...
I understand the importance of maintaining an undercover, but if you are a LEO, we... we have got to get out of here.
We've got to get out of here.
You're right about one thing.
It's... time to get out of here.
Get up.
Um, Callen, if... if you're thinking what I think you're thinking,
I highly advise against it.
That is a live power line that hasn't been serviced in years.
Besides, the line is not designed to hold your body weight.
ERIC:
Not to mention, if you touch an exposed section, you're toast.
Can you shut it down?
I mean... 
Not without shutting down the power in the whole building.
It'll alert them all inside.
CALLEN: 
Keep working on trying to contact Sam.
Deeks, now would be a good time.
(engine revs)
(horn honking)
(groaning)
You got to call an ambulance, man.
You have to get out of here, now.
I think I have some internal bleeding.
Not my problem. 
Now, move.
I know I'm, like, bleeding out.
I think I punctured a lung.
Get out of here, right now.
I can't.
Everything's going black.
I think... 
I'll pass out...
Let's move him to the alley.
(grunting)
We got to move that car, too.
Aah!
(grunts)
Oh!
(gasping)
Got three agents inside, we can't wait for backup.
Let's do it.
On me.
(lock clicking)
(grunts) Aah, oh!
Oh!
(sniffs)
No way out.
Here. 
You're hurt pretty bad.
You take it.
Help me get this tape off.
What are you doing?
Only a cop moves like that.
Or an agent.
How much do they know?
Nice plan.
You bust yourself up, play victim.
Then, if I'm a cop, I save you.
(grunts) Oh!
(rapid gunfire)
(gunshots) Aah!
Sounds like the cavalry.
Turn around.
(whooping, indistinct conversations)
There's Shiro.
I see him.
BOWER: 
Federal agents.
(screaming, gunshots)
Don't even think about it.
On your knees, right now.
Put your hands up.
Hands.
Drop it, Stone.
If you want him to live, I suggest you drop it.
Last chance. 
Gun down, now.
SAM:
Don't.
He can't shoot a federal agent.
I can.
And will.
CALLEN:
Okay.
STONE:
Hands up.
Walk to me.
Walk to me.
In the room.
Go.
Go, go, go.
Move.
Why?
I'm tired of fighting the fight.
Never enough money, never enough men, it's never enough.
Do you have any idea how much money they're paying me?
A lifetime's salary for a little bit of information.
What about your brothers in the field, huh?
We knew what we signed up for, right?
I think we got enough.
Yeah, it was pretty cut d dry.
(clicking)
Bullets help.
(grunts) Oh!
(grunting):
Okay.
That's pretty slick.
When did you know?
Stone was the only possible link between Clark and his informant.
Aah!
You?
Yeah, I had my suspicions.
Agent Clark's tongue.
No way he could've known about that without being there. (groaning)
Who else did you give up?
Aah!
Nobody.
I don't believe him, Sam.
(grunting) How many other agents did you give up?
Just the two, it was just the two.
The Yakuza were supposed to send payment and I promised them other names after the payment.
Aah.
If another agent turns up dead, we're gonna make a video of our own.
(dripping water echoes)
(speaks Pashto)
Do you speak English?
My name is Kensi Blye.
(speaking Pashto)
Wait a minute, wait.
I need to speak to the one they call the White Ghost.
(sniffs) Ugh.
Oh, man, I would have paid anything to see the look on Stone's face when you dropped those bullets.
CALLEN: 
Classic.
HETTY: 
Bravo, gentlemen.
Our undercover operations are secure.
Thanks to you all.
Just doing what we do.
If Eric shows up with another case, just do me a favor and shoot him.
Yeah? 
'Cause I'm exhausted.
I did more work today than the Beverly Hills PD do in a week.
I'm sorry, Mr. Deeks, I didn't realize that you were feeling... overloaded.
No, no... 
I didn't mean...
It would appear that you don't appreciate your employment status.
Uh... 
No, no.
That's not what I... 
I meant,
I just meant that... 
Little...
Can I have some help here, guys?
Hetty, I-I just wanted to say:
we love our jobs.
Headed home to finish some paperwork right now.
CALLEN: 
Mm-hmm.
DEEKS: 
We got...
You guys got my six, right?
Hey, what happened to "brothers in arms"?
Guys?
You do realize my six is behind my back and not down the tunnel, right?
You were saying?
Uh...
I was... 
Yeah, no, I was just saying how much I... care and appreciate my, uh, employment status.
That's what I thought.
HETTY: 
Now, get your damn feet off the desk.
== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man

Previously on Crisis...
If you took those kids to use their parents,
- use us.
- The CIA is holding a man at 836 North Humphrey Avenue.
You are to get this man.
You have exactly 3 hours to do this for me.
You have good hands.
- I'm not a good person.
- I've met a lot worse lately.
What you want those men to do for you is not science.
Let me come to you, we can talk.
You have those soldiers.
That's what you want.
- We only got one soldier in.
- That should be more than enough.
Everyone, stay down!
There's no way out!
We can't get out!
Yeah, but-but they can't get in, either.
What you should do, what both of you should do, is go back out the door you came through.
That's not gonna happen.
Clarenbach?
I'm on my way to see your sister.
And I got a dumpster all picked out for her when I'm through.
So, why don't you just, uh, check and make sure that you didn't walk away with something that doesn't belong to you.
1x08 - "How Far Would You Go"
I'm gonna call the FBI handlers outside Meg's house.
- No one's answering.
- Call your sister.
This can't happen!
My daughter...
That's good.
Fight! 
Get it all out.
- No...
- Hand me the phone.
Meg, gtoour safe room now.
Oh, it's a little late for that, sweetheart.
I told you I'd take her, and I did.
Now, you listen to me.
You take Dr. Clarenbach to the intersection of Pennsylvania and K Street.
Any sign of an FBI agent, any sign whatsoever, Meg dies.
No!
- Hey!
- I know why Widener wants you.
But I want to know why the kidnapper wants you!
Why do you keep referring to him as the kidnapper?
We all know the person who took those children is Francis Gibson.
- What's our status?
- Well, your daughter, that kid Ian and the first brat are barricaded in the wine cellar.
They have a gun.
Most of our surveillance cams are shot out.
Death toll stands at six.
Four ours, the bastard that killed them,
- and your now worthless patsy.
- Have a backup plan {*} and your little book for this cluster?
The plan was constructed to withstand catastrophic setbacks.
And this is far from catastrophic.
Open a line.
I need a minute to make it secure.
What are you doing?
Those Feds, Finley and Dunn, have Clarenbach.
- I still need him.
- Why do you need him?
You did what no one else could do.
You took those kids.
You got us rich.
Maybe it's time to end this.
Save the kids. 
Be a hero.
Go home.
No. 
I can't go home yet.
We are in a war with Widener.
And if I don't finish him, we're all dead.
You, too, Koz.
Rich, but dead.
To destroy Widener, I still need Clarenbach.
I have your secure line.
These soldiers represent the global network of mercenaries Daddy has deployed all over the world.
Right now they're launching a scorched Earth campaign.
- You know what for?
- To find Emma?
That's right, Leo.
To find your big sister.
Then will the bad man take me?
No.
I would never let that happen.
Then why'd you let them take Emma?
Sir, you have a call.
It came in on my personal cell phone.
Mr. Vries, do you know who this is?
I'm the one parent who's been waiting impatiently for your call.
Tell me what you want done.
Nothing that your mercenaries haven't done countless times overseas.
For any foreign nation able to meet your price, you've whored out your men for snatch and grabs.
In exchange for your daughter, you need to do one here.
That's it?
- You need to slip your FBI handlers.
- That won't be a problem.
- How do you know it's Gibson?
- Because the kidnapper isn't targeting the CIA, they're going after Widener.
- And Widener screwed Gibson.
- How did Widener screw Gibson?
The prog... the program we ran, there was a... a massacre.
Widener put Gibson's name on it, and then he put a target on his daughter's heart to keep him quiet.
Widener threatened to kill Gibson's daughter?
Yeah.
So it's personal.
And I assume that's why Gibson wants me.
To use me against Widener somehow.
Okay, that's not gonna happen.
We're gonna use you to get Gibson.
We're gonna show you everything we have on the kidnapping, and you're gonna tell us exactly how Gibson is planning to use you.
Who are his known associates?
Who is helping him on the outside?
How he is communicating with the parents.
You're the key to Gibson.
You are gonna open him up for us.
He knows Gibson.
This is the best shot we have of finding those kids.
Yeah, all the information is on the secure server in the FBI.
If we want to show him what we have on the kidnapping, we have to take him into the FBI.
If Widener's people find out we took him into custody, they will kill Meg.
Okay, you get him into the FBI.
You show him everything we have on the kidnapping.
- Just make sure no one sees you, okay?
- I get him there?
And what will you be doing?
- I'm gonna get my sister.
- Dunn?
What happens when you show up to the exchange without Clarenbach?
I think I have a plan.
I am gonna need his clothes.
- Are you sure about this?
- She's my sister. 
I'm gonna get her.
You use him to find Gibson.
- He took his own daughter.
- What?
If it is Gibson, he took his own daughter.
He had his finger cut off.
And he made her watch.
- Go, get me his clothes.
- Then you get Meg, and I'll get Gibson.
We need to get all the hostages together in one room until our in-house surveillance cams are back on-line.
This is a big house, and we're blind.
No, then they'll know how weak we are.
Have your remaining men walk continuous rounds until our cameras are up and running.
And what about your daughter?
We breach the door, take the room?
All right, easy or hard?
!
Last chance!
- We have to open the door!
- We cannot open the door!
- You two go.
- No.
I shot their leader.
I'm the one they want.
Which is exactly why you cannot open the door, okay?
They cut off my Dad's finger for trying to grab a gun.
- They will kill you for what you did.
- What I did was kill Hurst.
Hurst!
He was more of a father to me than my own Dad.
And I killed him.
I killed him with this gun.
Maybe you should put the gun down, all right, Kyle?
Hey, why'd the pounding stop?
- What are they gonna do now?
- I don't know.
No. 
We don't breach.
I won't risk that.
Leave them there, start your rounds.
We start at the top.
Work our way down.
And do it again.
When do I get surveillance back in the room where my daughter is?
We don't. 
We didn't put cameras in that part of the house.
Whoever attacked this place must've hit them hard.
If we're ever gonna get out of here, this is our chance.
- Oh, my God.
- It's okay, it's okay.
- They lost four of their own.
- We need to search them.
Those gunmen, they all had radios.
Maybe they left one on a body.
- We need to search them.
- That's smart.
Sir? 
We have a possible situation with one of the parents. 
The handlers sitting on the Fitch residence haven't checked in, they aren't responding to my calls.
Get SWAT and HRT to the Fitch residence.
We have a possible parent mission in play.
The second anyone has eyes on Meg Fitch, I'm to be informed.
Agent Dunn hasn't checked in?
No, sir. 
But the Secret Service agent she was working with just used his keycard to swipe into the building 7 minutes ago.
- Finley and not Dunn?
- That's right, sir. 
Just Finley.
- Find him and bring him to me.
- Yes, sir.
These are the parents Gibson has used so far.
Is there a pattern here that we're missing?
Uh, no.
Uh, I don't see one.
These are the targets he's gone after.
Well, they're all Widener-related, but you know
- that already...
- Look again.
Look at this, and tell me what you see.
This is a massive amount of information.
These are the two soldiers we took out of the Pakistani Embassy.
Yes, Thayer and Hawkins.
They're part of the program.
- Widener's hit team.
- Where are they now?
Last time I saw them, Widener was going to let Gibson take them.
Why would Widener want that?
So that they would kill Gibson.
Sir? 
Agent Finley's logged into the kidnapping database.
- From where?
- One second, and I can tell you.
If Gibson was attacked, he could be weak.
Even weak, he's smarter than you.
No, wait.
Go back a screen.
Yeah.
I know that.
Got him.
He's in the server room.
- Go invite Agent Finley up here.
- Yes, sir.
This place? 
This is where Gibson's holding the children?
Based on the recollection of the released kids.
You recognize it?
Yeah, I was there once with Gibson.
He's smart.
You'll never find it.
- Where is it?
- Well... now we need to discuss a deal.
You want Witness Protection,
- I can give you that...
- You must be joking.
Widener would find me in Witness Protection.
No. 
You turn your back on me and let me walk,
I'll show you where this place is and I'll take care of myself.
Look again. 
Be sure.
You know where this place is?
Yes, Agent Finley.
And I can take you there.
Let's go.
There's nothing.
No radios, no keys, no weapons on any of them.
- Nothing.
- Aaron... 
look.
Amber, this is an exterior wall.
This door leads outside.
I'm not coming back from this.
By the end of the day I'll either be dead or in jail.
The government will come after my business.
Make sure everything is signed over to my wife.
Sorry, Mr. Vries.
Afraid we can't let you out of our sight.
Ah, my FBI handlers.
Did you know I was assigned more handlers than any other parent?
I assaulted federal agents.
I'm prepared to do much worse.
I'll take full responsibility.
You had nothing to do with this, sir.
Your men will swear to it.
These men would die for you.
Let's go get your daughter.
Okay...
Where the hell have you been?
- Please, sir, just listen...
- No, you listen to me.
Since you've gone off the grid, four agents on Jakob Vries were found unconscious and the two on your sister are in the wind.
As are Vries and your sister.
I would have told this to your partner, but he blew through here without checking in.
I need your help or my sister Meg dies.
If your sister is on a parent mission and you're asking me to facilitate it...
It's not the kidnapper who has her, sir.
It's the kidnapper's target.
Widener has her.
Widener...
- What do you need?
- I'm an FBI agent.
I need the FBI.
You plan to take the mansion by yourself?
No, I'll call plenty of backup when we get there.
These are to make sure we do get there.
Lots of people want you.
Gibson, Widener... they're not going to wait for me to turn you over.
They will come after us.
You know how to use one of these?
The open end points away from you?
- Am I still heading this way?
- Toward 95 North.
Bolted solid.
Must be some kind of security door.
- We need a key.
- I know where we are.
Fort Hovings.
United States Army.
- We're in an Army base?
- Out of service and abandoned.
Decommissioned three years ago.
This was the base commander's house.
- Why would they put us here?
- Because it's 300 deserted square acres surrounded by barbed wire and "keep out" signs.
We're never getting out.
Yes, we are.
I have an idea.
Boss, I can't get the geo-locator back online.
I can't track Agent Finley's phone.
Open a phone line.
- Do you have the coordinates?
- I need you to track the target.
What has happened to the data you promised me?
Do you have a problem?
Noproblem.
The FBI is now looking for you.
Find Clarenbach before the FBI finds you or you'll be in jail for your daughter's funeral.
Watter soort man gebruik kinders?
- You get your sister?
- No, not yet. 
But Finley, listen...
I know which parent Gibson is sending after you to get Clarenbach.
- It's Jakob Vries.
- Red Iron.
- Military contractor.
- Yeah, the guy's got an army.
Finley, listen, if you want to come into the FBI for protection,
- I'll understand.
- I'll keep heading this way.
Vries is coming for you.
I can only imagine what he'll bring to get his daughter back.
Go get Meg.
I'll get the kids.
You want to track anything on the road, you use the taxi network.
One of them spotted Clarenbach and Agent Finley headed towards Maryland.
We've got him.
All agents are in place and ready for the exchange,
- Agent Dunn.
- All right, come and get him.
We a go?
Keep your face down.
You don't look that much like him.
Are you seeing this?
No, I don't think he's Widener's.
But if Widener's men think he's FBI, Meg is dead.
Hold your position.
- Sir, I'm sorry, you can't be here.
- What about my money?
I don't have any cash on me.
- You're supposed to give me $100.
- For what?
Who told you to come talk to me?
He said you'd give me $100, I give you...
Hold your position. 
Do not fire.
- He's not armed. 
Hold your fire.
- ...this.
Who gave you this?
Where is the person that gave you this?
- Meg...
- Move!
Now! 
Go, go, go!
It's not your sister.
I know where she is.
If you want to see her, come with me now.
How did he lie to me?
Hurst.
Every day, I saw him.
I know his wife.
I know his little girl, Tory.
- Kyle...
- She's just eight.
But I saw him aim that gun at your dad.
I saw him shoot Finley.
- I saw it, too. 
We all did.
- His little girl...
What am I supposed say to her if I get out of here?
- I'm the guy that killed her dad.
- No, no...
Should've killed more of them.
Should've killed 'em all.
Hey, there's something back here.
Oh, my God, it's a phone.
Where the hell's the key pad?
It's just an old intercom system, for the servants.
- Usually only goes to the kitchen.
- That's where the kidnappers are.
Agent Finley is a trained Secret Service agent.
- Wanna tuck? 
He won't buy that.
- No need to tell me my job. {*}
He will return fire, he will drive evasively.
Moving cars and bullets may endanger Clarenbach.
You need to take care that he's not injured.
I need Clarenbach alive.
If he dies, so does yo daughter.
If anything ens to my Emma, I will kill you with my hands.
Anger is good.
Anger can be focused.
Focus yours.
Give me your heading.
Traveling North, currently cutting through the town of Oxon Hill.
They're heading this way.
I heard him say "Finley."
- Maybe he's looking for us.
- Yeah.
Maybe he's close.
If Gibson wants to use me, it's either 'cause of what I know... and that-that can put Widener away for life... or it's 'cause of what I can do.
Now, I make the drug that makes those soldiers kill.
But if Gibson wants to use the drug, then he's gonna need soldiers from the program.
You can't just inject anybody and expect them to kill. 
It took us months to get enough pharmaceutical inside their bodies to elicit the correct reaction.
- Do you think that's what he wants?
- Stop talking.
I'm trying to help.
And I'm telling you to shut your mouth. 
Now.
That's a helicopter.
They're using a bloody helicopter to track us.
It's Vries' army.
It's Red Iron.
And he's a parent.
This is Little Bird One.
We are over target.
Target is moving at speed and appears to be armed.
I'm going to stop the car.
- We're getting out.
- Are you mad?
There's a helicopter, most probably armed, above us.
Was a cop for three years.
The only people who get away when they're being chased by a chopper are the people who get out of the car.
Here we go.
Lost them.
Say again.
They have left the car and are traveling on foot, 28 degrees North of you.
Let's go hunting.
The phone is secure. 
Go ahead. 
Have you heard from that soldier that got to where Gibson is?
No, but we can assume he inflicted optimal damage.
The fact that you haven't heard from him... presumed dead?
Yes. 
Remember, the primary target was Gibson.
- Gibson could be dead, too.
- What about our other problem?
Have you found Clarenbach?
I'm working on that right now.
Where's her cell phone?
In the trash with her badge and gun.
Chain her up.
What the hell were you thinking, coming here?
You should be trying to save Amber, not me.
The plan was to do both.
Now you call for backup, right?
We're gonna get to safer ground, then I'll call my partner.
If her sister's safe, I'll call for backup.
But right now, you're gonna tell me where those kids are at... right now!
If I do, you won't need me at all!
I'm sorry, I am.
No, I need to be somewhere safe first.
Very safe.
- And you need to get me there.
- Come on.
Agent Dunn, really great to see you.
I've got a question for you.
- Where's Dr. Clarenbach?
- Screw you.
- Meg.
- I'm okay.
- I'm good.
- Next time it's my fist.
You want to see Clarenbach so badly, why don't you... tell your boss, Widener, to come down and get his hands dirty?
No, no, no, no, I'm the one with the dirty hands.
As for you, I know your partner has Clarenbach.
Why don't you just tell me where he is?
Clarenbach knows about the kidnappers.
He can help us find Amber.
I can't give him up.
Why don't you tell him what you told him last time, Suze.
- Go on, tell him.
- Screw you!
Meg!
I will kill you.
Do you understand?
I will put my gun down your throat, and I will kill you!
She really looks up to you.
I can see that.
So here's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna get a knife, and I'm gonna cut into your little sister until you tell her it's okay to talk to me.
This is a tough way to get you to spend time with me.
I'm gonna get you out of here.
I don't think so, Suze.
So Jonas knows how to get the kids back?
So we got to hang tough.
The Dunn sisters, huh?
The Dunn sisters.
They're doing vertical searches through each building.
But what I can see, they're only six of them.
"Only"?
There are only two of us, and I really wouldn't count me.
Meg, I want you to promise me.
Close your eyes.
When it happens, close your eyes and think of Amber.
- The Simmons house.
- What?
When we were kids, you were scared of that house on the corner, the creepy house.
I used to tell you to close your eyes every time we walked by.
And when we'd walk by, you'd hold my hand.
Except that one time.
I told you we were past when we weren't.
I remember.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
You could've raised her, Susie.
I know I told you that you couldn't, but... you're strong, and you're good.
You could've raised her.
Oh, god...
You close your eyes until we're past, yeah?
- Well, are we ready?
- Just shut up and get it over with.
That's what I thought.
That's why it's going into Meg instead.
Stop! 
Stop!
No, God, I'll do it!
I'll do it!
Give me the phone.
Give me the phone!
You have to call for backup.
Not until my partner's sister is safe.
- Hello?
- Finley, it's me.
- Where are you, Dunn?
- Finley, I-I need you to bring him here.
- Bring Clarenbach here.
- What? 
We can't turn him over.
- Dunn, what happened?
- Finley, listen to me, okay?
It's bad, all right?
It's real bad.
It's real bad, Finley.
- Okay, is the old man there?
- Yeah.
Put him on.
- Agent Finley.
- I'm willing to give you Clarenbach.
- What?
- But you're gonna have to come get him.
The kidnapper sent a parent mission to get Clarenbach.
If you want him, you better come quick.
Burnt-out industrial building on 6th and Roosevelt in Oxon Hill.
- You just gave me up!
- I just bought my partner some time and hopefully pitted two people that want you so badly against each other.
Now, come on. 
We got to keep moving.
- Gibson is still operational.
- How do we know this?
Because he's using the Ballard parents to find the same man we're looking for.
Clarenbach is crucial to the pharmaceutical side of this.
Two years and $200 million if we want to redevelop it.
- You cannot let Gibson get him.
- I wasn't planning to.
- They're leaving.
- They'll be back.
Whatever Finley said led the old man and a few of them away, okay?
- All right.
- I was gonna get him, Susie.
Gibson.
I was gonna take his money.
I was gonna track it and take it.
He may be run by ideas, but I imagine that everyone that works for him wants to be paid.
I was gonna get him, Susie.
You still don't think we're getting out of here, huh?
Meg, what's it say in that book of yours?
What's it say in that book of yours about-about negative thoughts?
- I come out against them.
- That's right.
Yes, I read your book.
Mr. Vries, Agent Finley is one man.
It's unclear to me why you cannot take Clarenbach from him.
I'm becoming concerned for the welfare of your daughter.
Be quiet.
You need to see this.
I snaked an optical cord into the air vent to monitor them.
- What are they listening to?
- Us.
All right, now after I go, you count to 30, and then you go up to your room.
- And you?
- I'm gonna get close enough to one of them to get the keys and the radio.
- And then I'm out the door.
- Aaron...
If I get far enough away from here, the government must be listening.
If I can get a signal out,
I can get you home.
Okay?
I knew I heard something.
- Amber, run!
- No!
Run! 
Amber, run!
I'll hold him. 
Go!
Go. 
No...
I'll hold him.
Aaron. 
Aaron?
No.
I'll draw them away.
When I do, you need to run out that exit.
Don't stop, don't look back.
- Run to where?
- Back to the car.
PD will have responded to the shooting by then.
- What shooting?
- The shooting that's about to start.
Agent Finley!
We have a problem.
I'm a man that's willing to kill for my daughter, and you, the Secret Service Agent are trained to take a bullet.
I've accepted the fact that I'm going to prison today.
And I'd like very much not to have to kill a good man on my last day of freedom.
I just need Clarenbach.
It's the only way I get my daughter back.
The kidnapper will kill my Emma if I don't bring him Clarenbach.
Please, just give him to me.
You make it back, you tell those cops where that mansion is.
- Okay, I will.
- Jakob, listen to me.
You don't have to do this.
We know how to get to the mansion.
We can rescue all those kids.
Nobody has to get hurt.
Even if you're telling the truth, you can't guarantee that I get my little girl back alive.
The only thing that guarantees it is if I do what the kidnapper wants.
All he wants is Clarenbach.
All I want is Emma.
Listen to me.
This is where the killing starts.
Use lethal force on the agent.
Make sure you get Clarenbach alive.
You want to live, you need to keep thinking.
You want to keep thinking, you need to keep breathing.
There will be shooting.
Got it?
When I start shooting, you run.
- Ready?
- Ready.
One...
two...
He said not to kill me.
Why are they shooting at me?
They're not. 
They're shooting at the second set of gunmen who came to get you.
Widener's men.
This is our only chance to get out.
The parent mission that wasn't supposed to be a problem?
It's Jakob Vries.
It's a huge problem.
Then you need to make the problem go away.
- I need Clarenbach.
- Gotcha.
Come here.
Kill everyone: 
Finley, Vries, his men.
Everyone except Clarenbach.
Widener needs him alive.
- What is that?
- It's gas. 
He's using gas.
I'm sorry, I really am, but it's my daughter.
No, wait. 
Wait. 
He knows where the mansion is.
No matter what you do to me, you have to ask him.
You dislocated your thumb to get out of your cuffs.
Yeah, I guess all those years of hurting myself finally paid off, huh?
Sorry.
- Hey, let's get you out of here.
- What do you mean, get me out of here?
- What about you?
- Gibson's the target.
That means they're after him, too.
They could have information that could lead us to Amber.
- I need to see if they do.
- I can't leave you here, Susie.
For once in your life, you're not in control.
- Susie...
- You'll just slow me down.
I can't worry about you with what I have to do. 
Come with me.
Damn it. 
Just stay here.
What's going on here?
Where's the other girl?
Behind you!
Put the gun down.
I am real tired of you people telling me what to do.
You've got blood on your face.
It's not mine. 
Let's go.
That's not gonna hurt him.
Lets get you back up to your room.
The FBI has now confirmed that the woman found hanging beneath the 15th Street bridge was one of their own,
Special Agent Keegan.
At the time of her death,
Agent Keegan was assigned to Ballard parent, Meg Fitch.
Sir, Agent Finley has been located. 
He's safe.
- We've sent agents to bring him in.
- What about Agent Dunn?
- She wasn't with him.
- Get Agent Finley on the line.
Olsen.
I'm in a building on the corner of 58th and Jackson.
Send a full team.
Emma?
- Emma?
!
- Dad?
- Emma!
- Dad...
Get down!
Get down on the ground.
Step away, sir.
Emma!
If you're just joining us, another Ballard student,
Emma Vries, has been released.
She's the eighth student since the kidnapping to be released.
The FBI has now confirmed that the woman found hanging
- beneath the 15th Street bridge...
- The Fitch girl?
She'll have a story to tell.
- Unharmed?
- Not a scratch.
- You know how important she is.
- I do.
That teacher must have put up a hell of a fight.
I didn't think he had it in him.
- What about them?
- Roll some gas down the vent.
Tuck 'em back in their beds.
There's been enough punishment for one day.
Authorities won't comment on what her father may have done to procure her freedom, but Jakob Vries is in FBI custody at this time.
- Francis.
- Jonas.
- I've been here before.
- Yes. 
We both have.
Now...
are you ready to get to work?
You saved both of our lives by pulling the old man away.
Looks like you did the lifesaving around here.
They killed two FBI agents,
- hung one of their bodies off a bridge.
- Yeah, I know.
And Gibson, he got Clarenbach?
But I know the direction the mansion is in.
It's a tank of gas from here.
We're close, Dunn.
Real close.

1x15 
- Reckoning
#Beware...#
#Beware...#
#Beware...#
#Bewarethebat # transcript  sync by masaca corrections by f1nc0
Previously on "Beware the Batman"... 
The Ion Cortex.
It's a computer, which means it can be hacked and destroyed.
I know a hacker who can help you... me.
- You killed Tatsu's father and you ran!
- Alfred?
I am Ra's al Ghul.
I come seeking help with a problem I believe you've all familiar with.
Batman.
Have I said something entertaining?
Dear fellow, I speak for all of us when I say thank you for opening our cells, but your problem is just that.
- Yours.
- Yeah, yours.
As in not ours.
- Ou.
- That was regrettable.
Hold on now, Porky!
We don't take orders from outsiders.
By morning, Gotham will be under the control of The League of Assassins.
Help me, and there will be a place for you.
And by help you, you mean...
kill the bat?
Alive or dead is no matter to me.
Who-ever brings me Batman, will be rewarded with their own piece of Gotham to do whatever they please.
So... do we have a deal?
Computer, confirm diagnostics on the Batmobile.
Confirming Batman, I've also downloaded dissifian translation you requested, to your bat-suit. {*}
Good.
May I ask, were you not beaten by Ra's al Ghul in your last encounter?
The odds of you reversing this defeat are 50 to 1, in Ra's' favor.
Then I hope Barbara Gordon can hack the Cortex, before the rematch.
We're in position.
How long is this gonna take.
Signal's too weak.
We need to get closer.
Stop!
I've got a signal.
70 percent.
Please... tell me that's good.
Good enough.
Hoder and park, Dad. {*}
This is where it gets interesting.
Who's there?
Choices always demand a reckoning, Miss Yamashiro.
Your father understood that.
Which is why out of respect for him, I'm going to make you an offer.
Save your breath.
Oh, I think you want to hear this.
My offer is simple.
Kill Pennyworth, and I will release your father's soul from the Soultaker Sword.
What? 
My father's soul?
Edogawa has been trapped in this sword for decades, because of Pennyworth, and he said nothing!
- Your father's soul in pain.
- No!
Avenge your father, and I will set you free.
I want my reckoning.
Batman, I'm detecting movement up ahead.
Looters, I'll get to them later.
I do not believe this is looters.
Hello, Batman.
I hope you're not offended that I sought outside help.
You're an annoyance, but hardly worth my individual attention.
Enjoy the reunion.
Hello, my little bat...
you missed me?
What did Ra's promised you?
What am I worth?
The delicious Mr. Ghul is going to make me a queen.
With my own piece of the city, and all the shiny, shiny I can steal.
Isn't he a doll?
Back of, barbecue boy!
He's mine.
All of threats... coming from someone who is about to be a roasted chicken.
Good to see you again, Batman.
Let's play.
- How much longer?
- I am almost at the kernel.
This code is amazing.
One slit, instant smashed attack!
I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.
What?
Is there something on my face?
No. 
I had you...
I had no idea that you knew about this kind of stuff.
Why didn't you ever tell me?
Come on Dad, you're...
Dad! 
A girl's gotta have her secrets.
Undestood.
I'm proud of you, kiddo.
GetdownBarbara.
Out of sight.
- What's happening?
- Barbara, stay where you are.
I think I scared him off.
Daddy needs to move the car.
Turn right!
Uh... 
Dad?
We just lost the satellite, which means I need to find another way to hack the Cortex.
Right.
Enough, I'm done!
Magpie, I'm yours.
Sorry suckers, this bat is going to the bird.
I don't think so.
Looks like you're the winner, Phosphorus.
Keep your tentacles away of him!
Do you like my shiny, shiny body?
I think it's time to slice of some fresh bacon!
Give it your best shot, tweety.
Almost too easy.
Out for a stroll, baby?
I'm unarmed. 
Just wanna talk.
Whose you just left can beat each other all they want.
I'm interested in taking orders from no out of towner.
- Dig?
- No... 
I don't... dig.
Ra's al Ghul wants your hide, and he offers what?
A piece of my city?
!
Ain't his to give, baby!
I'm guessing you feel the same, so I figure, any enemy of my anemy is someone I can party with.
Dig me now?
You could only outrun your past for so long, Agent Pennyworth.
- Don't do this Tatsu, your father...
- Do not talk to me about my father!
His soul was in this sword, in my possesion, and you said nothing!
Well done.
Now... finish him!
Not yet. 
Before I take his soul I want to hear the truth... how he killed my father.
I had no intension of killing your father, Tatsu.
My only thought was survival.
But then, just that the sword began to draw out my soul... your father let go.
All I remember after that, is dropping the sword and running.
Edogawa sacrificed himself for me.
It's the truth, Tatsu.
He's lying, Katana.
As he lied to you your whole life.
He killed your father in cold blood.
Finish him!
No. 
Alfred is not a killer.
And neither was my father.
Then you will join Edogawa's soul along with Pennyworth's.
Kill them!
Hold!
Change of plans.
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
I think we're about to find out.
Take one last look as your kiddo bows to me before you die.
Impressive, I was expecting a body but not one soul...  ...alive.
But this is indeed a wunderful prize.
I hate to disappoint, but this a prize you gonna lose.
Do either of you actually think you will leave here alive?
Actually, I believe one of us will.
I'm a gambler, Batman.
And as any good gambler knows, you gotta play they odds and baby, you've got some long nights.
Mr. Ghul, I do believe you and me gonna do some business together.
Didn't know getting played was so amusing.
I needed to get to Ra's and you brought me right to him.
Thank you.
Now... 
let's finish this.
I am officially the worst father of the year for letting you do this.
Dad, I just have to hardwire my laptop into fallpoint's internal network.
Once I'm in the kernel, I can destroy the Cortex.
- We'll be heroes.
- We'll be dead.
- This place is crawling with ninjas.
- They won't kill us.
They'll just take us hostage.
It's all good.
We danced this dance before, Batman.
Only an insane man will believe the outcome could be different.
I've been called "crazy" before.
He doesn't even pretend he is trying.
This leads me to believe, there is more to this duel than we're seeing.
He's stalling.
We're back in buisiness, Dad.
I did it!
I'm at the kernel!
Then destroy it and save the city.
Because we need to be going, now!
Your time is over, Batman!
Gotham belongs to me.
What is this?
What is happening?
Barbara...
- We're out of time. 
Finish it!
- Almost there!
Let's go!
Congratulations.
I've always wanted what it felt like to lose.
You were right.
I can't beat you.
Not one on one.
But everyone has their weakness.
And what is mine, you guess?
The believe you don't have one.
Katana.
The Soultaker Sword?
I was finally able to decode dissifian enchant used to power the sword. {*}
So you intend to put my soul back in the sword.
This is no threat to me.
The League of Assassins is a legion.
The sword will be found and I released.
That's why my plan was to release the souls you took, by reverse engineering the chant.
Like I said, I can't defeat you "one on one."
But with an army of your enemies...
well that is a different story.
Stop! 
Release me!
- Interesting plan.
- Thank you.
Wasn't exactly sure what would happen.
I was hoping they tear him apart.
That was him.
That was my father.
He's free.
- So, I did good?
- Yeah kid, you did good.
But let's keep this between us.
Especially the part of our steeling Gotham P.D.'s equipment.
You got it, Lieutenant!
Please Bruce, dont't make this harder then it already is.
Why leave now?
I lived another life before I met you.
A life, in wich I did some things I'm not proud of.
This whole event has made me realize that perhaps is not to late to put those thing right.
- So this is goodbye.
- No.
If you or Batman need me, I will be there.
This I promise you.
Duty calls.
You're coming?
transcript  sync by masaca corrections by f1nc0

Narrator:  
Previously on beware the batman...
-The ion cortex, it's a computer -(beeping)
Which means it can be hacked and destroyed.
I know a hacker who can help you.
Me.
You killed tatsu's father and you ran.
Alfred?
I am ra's al ghul.
I come seeking help with a problem I believe you are all familiar with.
Batman.
(all laughing)
Have I said something entertaining?
Dear fellow, I speak for all of us
When I say thank you, for opening our cells.
But your problem is just that, yours.
Yeah, yours.
As in, not ours.
(groans)
Ow.
That was regrettable.
-(grunting) -hold on, now, porky.
We don't take orders from outsiders.
By morning, gotham will be in the control of the league of assassins.
Help me, and there will be place for you in it.
And by help you, you mean kill the bat?
Alive or dead is no matter to me,
Whoever brings me batman will be rewarded
With their own piece of gotham to do with as they please.
So, do we have a deal?
Computer, confirm diagnostic on the batmobile.
Computer:
Confirming, batman.
I have also downloaded the city in translation you requested to your batsuit.
Good.
May I ask, were you not beaten by ra's al ghul in your last encounter?
The odds of you reversing this defeat are 50 to one
In ra's favor.
Then I hope barbara gordon can hack the cortex before the rematch.
(engine starts)
We're in position.
How long is this gonna take?
-Signal's too weak.
We need to get closer.
-(beeping)
(engine revving)
-Stop!
-(tires screeching)
I got a signal, 70%.
Please, tell me that's good.
Good enough.
Put her on park, dad.
This is where it gets interesting.
(key turns)
(door opening)
Tatsu: 
Who's there?
Ra's al ghul:
Choices always demand a reckoning, miss yamashiro.
Your father understood that.
Which is why, out of respect for him,
I'm going to make you an offer.
Save your breath.
Oh, I think you want to hear this.
My offer is simple.
Kill pennyworth.
And I will release your father's soul from the soultaker sword.
What? 
My father's soul?
Atagawa has been trapped in this sword for decades
Because of pennyworth and he said nothing.
Your father's soul in pain.
No!
(groans)
Avenge your father, and I will set you free.
I want my reckoning.
(batmobile approaching)
Computer:  
Batman, I'm detecting movement up ahead.
(tires screech)
Looters.
I'll get to them later.
I do not believe this is looters.
(clanking)
(tires screeching)
(tires screeching)
Ra's al ghul:
Hello, batman.
I hope you're not offended that I sought outside help.
(clanging)
You're an annoyance, but hardly worth my individual attention.
Enjoy the reunion.
(tires screeching)
(engine revving)
(both screaming)
Hello, my little bat.
Miss me?
-(glass shatters) -(straining)
(grunting)
-(grunting) -(groaning)
What did ra's promise you?
What am I worth?
The delicious mr. 
Ghul is going to make me a queen
With my own piece of the city
And all the shiny shiny I can steal.
Isn't he a doll?
(groans)
Back off, barbeque boy, he's mine.
Hollow threat coming from someone who's about to be a roast chicken.
(grunting)
Good to see you again, batman.
Let's play.
Gordon: 
How much longer?
I'm almost at the kernel.
This code is amazing.
One slip, instant smash the stack.
Glad you're enjoying yourself.
(beeping)
What? 
Is there something on my face?
No. 
I just...
I had no idea that you knew about this kind of stuff.
Why didn't you ever tell me?
Come on, dad, you're...
Dad.
Girl's gotta have her secrets.
Understood. 
I'm proud of you, kiddo.
(banging on car)
Get down, barbara.
Out of sight.
(glass shatters)
(gunshot)
(screams) what's happening?
Barbara, stay where you are.
I think I scared him off.
(engine starts)
Daddy needs to move the car.
(groaning)
(screams)
(groans)
Turn right.
Uh, dad.
We just lost a satellite,
Which means I'm going to have to find another way to hack the cortex.
Gordon: 
Great.
(grunts)
(groans)
(both groan)
(grunts)
Enough. 
I'm done.
Magpie, I'm yours.
(laughs) sorry, suckers.
This bat's going to the bird.
(groans)
I don't think so.
Looks like you're the winner, phosphorus.
(groans)
Keep your tentacles to yourself.
(grunts)
(groans)
Like my shiny shiny, froggy.
(groans)
(grunts)
I think it's time to slice up some fresh bacon.
Give it your best shot, tweety.
(both grunting)
Almost too easy.
Tobias: 
Out for a stroll, baby?
I know.
Just wanna talk.
Fools you just left can beat each other all they want.
I ain't interested in taking orders from no out-of-towner.
Dig?
No. 
I don't "dig".
Ra's al ghul wants your hide, and he offers what?
A piece of my city?
Ain't his to give, baby.
I'm guessing you feel the same, so I figure
Any enemy of my enemy is someone I can party with.
Digging it now?
(groans)
You could only outrun your past for so long, agent pennyworth.
Don't do this, tatsu.
-You father...
-Do not talk to me about my father.
His soul was in this sword, in my possession, and you said nothing.
(groans)
-(grunts) -(groans)
Well done.
Now, finish him.
Not yet.
Before I take his soul, I want to hear the truth,
How he killed my father.
I had no intention of killing your father, tatsu.
(wind whooshing)
(chanting in foreign language)
Alfred:  
My only thought was survival.
But then, just as the sword began to draw out my soul,
Your father let go.
All I remember after that is dropping the sword and running.
Atagawa sacrificed himself for me.
It's the truth, tatsu.
He's lying, katana, as he's lied to you your whole life.
He killed your father in cold blood.
Finish him.
(grunts)
No.
Alfred is not a killer.
And neither was my father.
Then you'll join atagawa's soul along with pennyworth's.
Kill them!
(grunts)
Ra's al ghul: 
Hold.
Change of plans.
-What's going on?
-I don't know.
But I think we're about to find out.
Take one last look as your hero bows to me before you die.
Impressive.
I was expecting a body but not one so alive.
But this is indeed a wonderful prize.
Hate to disappoint, but this is a prize you're going to lose.
(straining)
Do either of you actually think you will leave here alive?
Actually, I believe one of us will.
I'm a gambler, batman.
And as any good gambler knows you gotta play the odds, and, baby,
You got some long odds.
Mr. Ghul, I do believe you and me gonna do some business together.
Didn't know getting played was so amusing.
I needed to get to ra's and you brought me right to him.
Thank you.
(powering up)
Now, let's finish this.
I am officially the worst father of the year
For letting you do this.
Dad, I just have to hardwire my laptop into fall point's internal network.
Once I'm in the kernel I can destroy the cortex.
We'll be heroes.
We'll be dead. 
This place is crawling with ninjas.
They won't kill us.
They'll just take us hostage.
It's all good.
(grunts)
(batman groans)
(groaning)
We've danced this dance before, batman.
Only an insane man would believe the outcome could be different.
I've been called crazy before.
(grunting)
He doesn't even look like he's trying.
Which leads me to believe there's more to this duel than we're seeing.
(grunts)
He's stalling.
(beeping)
Barbara: 
We're back in business, dad.
I did it!
I'm at the kernel.
Then destroy it and save the city.
Because we need to be going. 
Now.
(straining)
(groans)
Your time is over, batman.
Gotham belongs to me.
(energy pulsating)
What is this?
What is happening?
(beeping)
Barbara.
(grunts)
(gunshots)
We're out of time.
Finish it.
Almost.
There!
Let's go home.
(gunshot)
(beeping)
(all scream)
(groans)
(grunts)
(groaning)
Congratulations.
I've always wondered what it felt like to lose.
You were right.
I can't beat you.
Not one on one.
But everyone has their weakness.
And what is my weakness?
The belief you don't have one.
Katana.
(laughs)
The soultaker sword?
I was finally able to decode the scythian chant you used to power the sword.
So you intend to put my soul back in the sword?
This is no threat to me.
The league of assassins is legion.
The sword will be found and I released.
That's why my plan was to release the souls you took
By reverse engineering the chant.
Like I said, I can't defeat you one-on-one,
But with an army of your enemies...
Well, that's a different story.
(speaking foreign language)
(all speaking indistinctly)
(screams)
Stop! 
Release me!
(screaming)
Interesting plan.
Thank you.
Wasn't exactly sure what would happen.
I was hoping they'd tear him apart.
That was him.
That was my father.
He's free.
Barbara: 
So, I did good?
Gordon: 
Yeah, kid, you did good.
But let's keep it between us.
Especially the part about stealing gotham pd equipment.
Barbara: 
You got it, lieutenant.
Please, bruce, don't make this harder than it already is.
Why leave now?
I lived another life before I met you.
A life in which I did some things I'm not proud of.
This whole event has made me realize
That perhaps it's not too late to put those things right.
So this is goodbye?
No, if you or batman need me,
I will be there.
This I promise you.
Duty calls.
You coming?

Hey, best man.
Yeah, I think I might go with "Best Person."
Is this about mom again?
I told you, I'm fine.
I was just a little sad for you.
Mom's a no-show, and you and dad are hardly even speaking.
I'm leaving you!
Not if I leave you first!
What did you do?
!
Attention! 
Attention, please!
The fire has jumped the freeway.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
If you're evacuating the whole area, can't you just do us last?
I don't think you realize how close you are to actual flames.
Hello. 
Pepper Saltzman.
Big supporter of yours.
Have all your calendars.
We've waited 10 years.
Can we please have an hour?
I can give you 30 minutes.
We can make that work!
The wedding will go on just in a slightly pared-down version.
Claire, you're up front.
Flower girl, strewing.
Grooms, come with me.
"Ooh! 
Ahh! 
They look so handsome!"
Quartet, quartet, quartet!
And cue Sal. 
Start after your limerick.
Oh, god, no!
Ugh! 
We're all making sacrifices, dear.
I have a Prius full of monarch butterflies who are apparently coming home with me.
- Aah!
- No!
Her water broke!
No! 
No, it did not! 
I am barely pregnant!
Thank you all for being here on this joyous occasion.
There once was a homo named Tucker...
Sal, stop. 
No, you're going into labor!
Also, just stop!
But we've only been together four months.
I just love you so much, I can't wait to have your baby.
God! 
Kids ruin everything!
Yeah, they sure do.
Let's get you to the hospital and have our miracle baby.
Okay.
Just so you know, sometimes when babies come this early...
- Uh-huh.
- ...they're black.
Okay, this is a disaster!
We have no one to marry us!
Dearly beloved, that is a problem.
Yep.
Thanks to $35 and the internet, you are looking at the good reverend Phillip Humphrey Dunphy.
Over the last year, I've dropped a few subtle hints to Mitch and Cam that I was available.
Hey, have you guys decided who's gonna officiate your wedding?
'Cause I got ordained online.
Oh, my god. 
A wallaby!
Oh, my gosh!
To be continued!
Phil, you're a lifesaver. 
Thank you.
No thanks necessary.
Cameron, marrying you would make me the happiest man on earth.
Everyone, attention, please!
I've been informed by the fire chief we need to leave immediately!
- The winds have shifted!
- What?
But w-we have 30 minutes!
A fellow wedding facilitator has informed me a beautiful space just became available.
To the shuttles!
But we don't know a thing about this place.
Oh, my mistake.
Let's go over it.
It's a quaint, rustic spot, though its chief selling point is it's not about to become a kiln!
To the shuttles!
Cam, where are the shuttles that brought everyone up from the parking lot?
Apparently they were double booked.
This is the best Pepper could do.
This is how we're getting everyone to the wedding?
Half our guests are gay.
We're finally giving them a good memory on a school bus.
That doesn't look completely sewn on.
You might want to get something to cover that.
Oh, good idea.
Thank you.
What did you say to Merle that make him want to leave Barb?
I have no idea!
We were just shooting the breeze...
Wedding day, Dede, how happy I am now that I'm with you.
Why would you say something like that?
Now you're breaking somebody's heart.
I didn't mean for her to get hurt.
Not her, him when he realizes that not every second wife looks like this.
Thank you for lending me your jacket, Jay.
It's good to know there are still gentleman in the world.
Oh, it's you, Barb.
I didn't see you there on account of my bright future.
Thank you, Gloria.
Standing up to that old goat was best thing I ever did.
What's all that about?
No, no. 
The thing is that she told me a story about a goat
And it's very old and then the goat...
Oh, don't give me that.
I told her to express herself.
I believe that in a good marriage, a woman can ex...
Fine. 
Whatever. 
I'll undo it.
We can't let Cam know what the situation with his parents is.
He's very delicate.
I can't believe I'm involved in breaking up yet another marriage.
What?
For a few hours. 
That's all.
Thank you.
Come and sit down.
You be very good for Uncle Sean and do exactly what he tells you.
Ohh...
'Where are you right now?
'
Is this a dirty phone call, Sean?
You need... 
You need to go to the hospital and sit with Leonard Vance.
One of us has to be there as soon as he wakes up.
~ Why? 
~ I don't think he killed Stephen Eli.
I'm not convinced he killed anyone.
But I think he knows who did.
~ What?
~ I've been through the evidence in the Whistler and Maleva cases.
Leonard Vance knows one telling detail about each - like Stephen Eli's tooth - but I think he was fed those details by the real killer.
Because, apart from that, there's nothing - no witnesses, no forensics.
Just the confessions.
We need to question him - and quickly.
Are you on your way?
~ Why aren't you there?
~ I will be.
Se...
Sean?
Oh.
I am so sorry. 
I...
Roger that. 
Will do.
~ I can't get a signal up here.
~ Where is he?
~ He's gone.
~ He's escaped? 
He can't have.
He's not escaped, Sean.
He's dead.
I don't think Leonard Vance did it.
Stephen Eli is the key.
Why do you think we're here?
To question a suspect.
You're a parasite.
And you are particularly striking when you are angry.
~ You're not lying to me?
~ When have I ever done that?
Leonard Vance can't claim this one.
Am I really a suspect?
I know where he is.

Lemonis:
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
TONIGHT, ON "THE PROFIT"...
-Richard: 
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
-Lemonis: 
OH, MY GOSH.
...A PROGRESS REPORT.
THIS PLACE LOOKS GREAT.
OVER THE PAST 18 MONTHS,
I'VE TRAVELED THE COUNTRY,
TRYING TO HELP SMALL BUSINESSES,
EVERYTHING FROM PIE SHOPS
TO USED-CAR LOTS...
WOW. 
LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
...TO CLOTHING STORES.
SOME WERE
IN DESPERATE SITUATIONS.
Michael: [ Voice breaking ]
DO YOU THINK I LIKE TO STAND
NEXT TO A MAN LIKE YOU
AND ADMIT
THAT I CAN'T BE SUCCESSFUL?
[ SIGHS ]
Lemonis: 
OTHERS
JUST NEEDED SOME GUIDANCE.
COME ON. 
YOU'RE A SMART GUY.
YOU DO THE MATH.
AND I OFFERED MY MONEY
AND MY EXPERTISE
FOR A STAKE IN THE BUSINESS.
-DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
-Hank: 
DEAL.
-Pete: 
YES.
-Alan: 
YES.
Lemonis:
A FEW OF THE DEALS WENT SOUTH.
YOU DON'T HOW TO TREAT PEOPLE.
-Andrew: 
OH, YEAH, I DO.
-Lemonis: 
NO.
BUT TODAY, I'M A PROUD PARTNER
IN OVER A DOZEN COMPANIES.
-Stephanie: 
WHOO!
-Lemonis: 
TONIGHT,
I'M GONNA TELL
YOU HOW THEY DO IT --
MY BEST DEALS, MY WORST DEALS.
Steve:
I'D RATHER BE IN MORE DEBT THAN
HAVE YOU RUNNING MY COMPANY.
Lemonis: 
THIS IS "THE PROFIT" --
A PROGRESS REPORT.
MY NAME IS MARCUS LEMONIS.
CHANGE IS DIFFICULT.
AND OVER THE LAST 18 MONTHS,
I'VE INTRODUCED YOU TO 23 SMALL
BUSINESSES ACROSS THIS COUNTRY,
MANY OF THEM
IN PRETTY BAD SHAPE.
THIS IS A BAD SCENARIO.
Woman: 
WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY
TO PAY THEM.
Larissa: 
JUST EVERYTHING --
ALL THE BILLS
AND EVERYTHING
THAT'S JUST BEEN PILING UP.
IT'S JUST SO MUCH.
Lemonis: 
THAT'S FINE.
AND I FIX FAILING BUSINESSES.
IT'S BEEN
AN INTERESTING JOURNEY...
WELL, THIS LOOKS
A LOT BETTER IN HERE.
...A TOUGH ONE.
-I TOOK YOU AT YOUR WORD!
-Gary: 
BULL[BLEEP]
Lemonis:
'CAUSE WHEN EACH EPISODE ENDS,
MY WORK IS JUST BEGINNING.
THERE YOU GO.
TO DATE,
I'VE INVESTED ALMOST $20 MILLION
OF MY OWN MONEY
TO HELP THESE SMALL BUSINESSES
REACH THEIR FULL POTENTIAL.
Stephanie: 
WOW.
I MEAN, I'M BLOWN AWAY.
Lemonis: 
ALONG THE WAY,
I'VE TAKEN A FEW HITS.
YOU KIND OF [BLEEP] ME
ALL ALONG THE WAY.
BUT THE REAL STORY HERE
IS THAT MANY OF THESE COMPANIES
HAVE REALLY FLOURISHED.
-Child: 
I WANTED VANILLA.
-Woman: 
VANILLA?
Lemonis: 
I'VE ALWAYS LOVED
CANDY, AND EARLIER THIS YEAR,
I WENT TO JACKSONVILLE, FLORIDA,
AND I MET ANOTHER SWEET TOOTH,
MASTER CHOCOLATIER
PETER BEHRINGER...
Lemonis:
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE A MAD
SCIENTIST WITH THAT LAB COAT.
Peter: 
I GUESS
YOU COULD SAY I AM.
Lemonis:
...WHO OPENED UP SWEET PETE'S,
A CANDY STORE WITH A SMALL
MAIL-ORDER BUSINESS, IN 2010.
Peter: 
IT'S THE MOST AWESOME
BUSINESS THERE IS.
IT BRINGS JOY TO MY LIFE.
Lemonis: 
WHEN I FIRST MET PETE
AND HIS WIFE, ALLISON,
THEIR COMPANY WAS GENERATING
$400,000 IN SALES
BUT STILL POSTING
A $17,000 LOSS,
AND IT WASN'T HARD TO SEE WHY.
THEIR STORE WAS A SMALL HOUSE.
IT'S IN A RESIDENTIAL LOCATION
WITH NO FOOT TRAFFIC
AND NOT A LOT OF BUSINESS.
-CAN I SEE THE KITCHEN?
-Peter: 
THIS IS IT.
Lemonis:
AND THE KITCHEN, IT WAS SMALL --
LESS THAN 150 SQUARE FEET.
AND THE EQUIPMENT --
WELL, IT WAS BETTER SUITED
TO BAKE A COUPLE CAKES
RATHER THAN MAKING PRODUCT
FOR A NATIONAL CANDY COMPANY.
AND DESPITE THOSE FACTS,
PETE'S CANDY WAS REALLY GOOD.
YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.
Peter: 
WE'RE ACTUALLY FOLDING
AIR INTO IT.
WE'RE NOT USING A PUMP.
Lemonis: 
I DIDN'T REALLY GET A
GOOD TASTE. 
I NEED ANOTHER ONE.
BUT BEFORE WE COULD DO A DEAL,
I NEEDED TO UNTANGLE
PETE AND HIS WIFE, ALLISON,
FROM DANE BAIRD.
Peter: 
HOW DO WE BUY YOU OUT?
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Dane:
SO, I DON'T WANT TO SELL.
Lemonis: 
DANE HAD PUT UP
ONLY $2,000 FOR HIS 50% SHARE
AND HAD INVESTED
NO SWEAT EQUITY.
AND WHILE PETE AND ALLISON
WERE COLLECTING A CHECK
THAT THEY
COULD BARELY LIVE ON...
Allison:
WE MADE $10,000 COMBINED.
Lemonis: 
YOU CAN'T LIVE
OFF $10,000 A YEAR.
...DANE, WHO OWNED THE BUILDING
SWEET PETE'S OPERATED OUT OF,
WAS COLLECTING
A HEALTHY RENT CHECK.
AND HOW MUCH RENT DID YOU GET?
Dane: 
I THINK
IT'S $1,400 A MONTH, SO...
Lemonis:
THEIR RELATIONSHIP WAS TOXIC.
Peter: 
I'M CALLING YOU OUT
ON YOUR INTEGRITY. 
IT'S CRAP.
I DON'T CARE HOW [BLEEP] HARD
IT GETS, I WILL BE HERE.
WHERE ARE YOU?
Lemonis: 
SO, I BOUGHT DANE OUT
FOR $50,000 -- 25 TIMES
HIS ORIGINAL INVESTMENT.
Peter: 
I NEVER THOUGHT I WAS
GONNA GET DANE OUT OF MY HAIR.
Lemonis: 
A LOT OF MONEY,
BUT IT ALLOWED ALL OF US TO MOVE
FORWARD AND MAKE A DEAL.
FOR MY $750,000,
I WILL OWN 50% OF THE BUSINESS,
YOU WILL OWN 50% OF THE BUSINESS.
AND WITH THAT MONEY, WE WOULD
START WITH SOME SMALL MOVES,
LIKE IMPROVING THE PACKAGING,
LAUNCHING A NEW WEBSITE,
PURCHASING
SOME MOBILE CANDY VEHICLES.
Peter: 
OH, MY GOD!
-Allison: 
OH, MY GOD!
-Lemonis: 
BUT THE BIG MOVE?
WELL, THAT WAS TO FIND
A NEW RETAIL LOCATION
AND BUILD OUT
AN INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN.
Peter: 
THIS PLACE
THAT I'M THINKING OF
IS RIGHT ACROSS FROM CITY HALL.
IT'S RIGHT NEAR
PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION.
Lemonis: 
AND WHILE
I WAS SKEPTICAL AT FIRST...
IT FEELS LIKE I'M GOING
INTO A HAUNTED HOUSE.
...AND WE FOUND
A 110-YEAR-OLD HISTORIC MANSION
IN DOWNTOWN JACKSONVILLE
AND PURCHASED
THE PROPERTY FOR $500,000
AND STARTED THE RENOVATION.
IT'S BEEN FOUR MONTHS SINCE WE
TOOK OWNERSHIP OF THAT PROPERTY,
AND I'VE SPENT $2.3 MILLION
RENOVATING IT.
WE'RE JUST A FEW WEEKS AWAY
FROM OUR GRAND OPENING,
AND I COULDN'T BE MORE EXCITED.
-Allison: 
MARCUS.
-Lemonis: 
HEY, HOW ARE YOU.
Allison: 
I'M DOING WONDERFUL.
HOW ARE YOU?
Lemonis:
THIS PLACE LOOKS RIDICULOUS.
Allison: 
THANK YOU.
Lemonis: 
THIS WAS
A DARK AND VERY DINGY ROOM.
I'M SHOCKED
HOW MUCH LIGHT IS IN IT.
I'M BLOWN AWAY.
THE NEW SWEET PETE'S
WILL BE A DESTINATION,
AND IT'S GOT A CANDY BAR THAT'S
NOT ONLY GONNA EXCITE KIDS,
BUT IT'S GONNA DELIGHT ADULTS.
THE MOLDS LOOKS DIFFERENT.
YOU BOUGHT SOME FANCY ONES?
Allison: 
YEAH, WE'RE GETTING
FANCIER AROUND HERE.
Lemonis: 
VERY COOL.
AND OUR NEW PACKAGING DESIGN
IS AS PLAYFUL AND AS ELEGANT
AS OUR NEW STORE.
-Allison: 
THIS IS MY FAVORITE.
-Lemonis: 
THIS CAME OUT GREAT.
[ Chuckling ] THOSE ARE HUGE.
WHAT DO THESE SELL FOR?
Allison: 
THOSE ARE $22.
Lemonis:
WHAT DOES IT COST TO MAKE?
Allison: $6.50 TO MAKE IT,
WITH THE PACKAGING.
Lemonis:
AND THEN $20 WITH PETE'S LABOR.
Allison: 
RIGHT, YEAH.
DEPENDS ON WHO'S MAKING IT.
Lemonis:
LET'S GO FIND PETE.
WHAT'S UP, PETE?
!
THIS PLACE LOOKS GREAT.
Peter: 
THIS IS KIND OF LIKE
WHAT YOU SEE IN THE MOVIES.
Lemonis: 
THIS IS THE HEART
OF SWEET PETE'S --
A SLEEK,
MODERN INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN.
Peter: 
WELL, THIS WILL HOLD 450 POUNDS OF DARK CHOCOLATE.
AND THIS IS A COOKER.
Lemonis: 
WE BOUGHT
STATE-OF-THE-ART MIXERS,
REFRIGERATORS, TOFFEE MAKERS,
AND CANDY COOKERS,
COSTING OVER $300,000.
NOW, THESE TABLES ARE MADE
SPECIFICALLY FOR MAKING CARAMEL?
Peter:
REALLY, ANY TYPE OF CANDY.
Lemonis: 
THERE'S STORAGE, SO WE
CAN HAVE PLENTY OF INVENTORY
TO ANTICIPATE THE DEMAND, AND
THERE'S AN AMAZING WORKSPACE
WHERE PETE AND HIS STAFF CAN
NOT ONLY PRODUCE NEW PRODUCT,
BUT THEY CAN EXPERIMENT.
SO, THIS IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT
THAN THAT --
LIKE, WE WERE AT THE KETTLE.
Peter:
YEAH, IT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
Lemonis: 
IT'S QUITE A CHANGE
FROM THE OLD KITCHEN
THEY WERE WORKING IN
JUST FOUR MONTHS AGO.
I NOTICED ON THE ARCHITECTURAL
PLANS I SIGNED OFF ON
THAT THERE'S AN EVENT CENTER,
THERE'S PARTY ROOMS.
Allison: 
YOU CAN DO
CANDY COCKTAILS, BEER, WINE,
ANYTHING FROM
A CORPORATE LUNCHEON
TO RENTING OUT THE ENTIRE
BUILDING FOR A HUGE PARTY.
Lemonis: 
WHY DON'T YOU GUYS
GIVE ME A TOUR?
I WANT TO SEE THE RESTAURANT.
SO, THIS IS THE CANDY APPLE café
AND COCKTAIL.
Lemonis:
THIS LOOKS SO COOL.
Allison:
IT'S STILL WHIMSICAL AND FUN
BUT IN A VERY SOPHISTICATED WAY.
Lemonis: 
SWEET PETE'S WILL OFFER
MUCH MORE THAN CANDY.
IT WILL ALSO OFFER
A FULL-SERVICE RESTAURANT,
FACTORY TOURS,
AND CANDY-MAKING CLASSES.
WE HAVE SPACE FOR BIRTHDAYS,
CORPORATE EVENTS,
AND EVEN WEDDINGS.
WE'LL GENERATE REVENUE
IN MANY DIFFERENT WAYS,
AND WE'VE ALREADY SEEN
A JUMP IN SALES.
RIGHT AFTER
THE FIRST SHOW AIRED,
WHAT KIND OF VOLUME WERE YOU
SEEING ON THE INTERNET?
Allison:
OH, IT WAS CRAZY.
WE WOULD NORMALLY DO $15,000
THAT MONTH.
WE DID $100,000 IN A WEEK,
BASICALLY.
Lemonis: 
WHILE IT'S
AN EXPENSIVE PROPOSITION,
THIS WAS THE RIGHT PLAY FOR US.
Allison:
IT FEELS VERY RIGHT.
Lemonis: 
TO DATE, I'VE INVESTED
OVER $3 MILLION IN SWEET PETE'S,
AND WE'VE GONE FROM GENERATING
$30,000 A MONTH IN SALES
TO OVER $100,000 A MONTH
IN SALES.
AND WE'RE JUST GETTING STARTED.
I'M EXCITED ABOUT THE FUTURE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GUYS ARE,
BUT...
Allison: 
THAT MEANS A LOT TO US
TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT.
Lemonis: 
I FEEL LIKE I'VE PUT ON 15 POUNDS SINCE I MET YOU GUYS.
Pete: 
I MEAN,
I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING
THAT COULD POSSIBLY TOP THIS --
THIS IS AMAZING.
Lemonis:
YOU GUYS DID A GREAT JOB.
Peter: 
WE COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT
WITHOUT YOU.
Lemonis:
ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
I'LL SEE YOU IN A COUPLE WEEKS
FOR THE GRAND OPENING.
-Allison: 
ALL RIGHT. 
AWESOME.
-Lemonis: 
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
-AND SEND ME MY CHRISTMAS ORDER.
-Allison: [ LAUGHS ]
Lemonis: 
I'M OUT OF CANDY.
LIKE EVERY DEAL I DO,
SWEET PETE'S STARTED
WITH A HANDSHAKE,
AND THAT BRINGS ME TO A QUESTION
THAT I GET ALL THE TIME --
WHY DO I DEALS ON A HANDSHAKE?
-DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
-Jon: 
I'M IN.
-Richard: 
WE HAVE A DEAL.
-Lemonis: 
LET'S GO TO WORK.
I BELIEVE
THAT DEALS ARE BUILT ON TRUST.
-Nancy: 
WE GOT A DEAL.
-Lemonis: 
WE GOT A DEAL?
-Pete: 
WE HAVE A DEAL.
-Woman: 
WE HAVE A DEAL.
Lemonis: 
THAT'S MORE VALUABLE
TO ME THAN A PIECE OF PAPER.
IT'S WORKED WELL FOR ME SO FAR.
BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY,
YOU ULTIMATELY MEET PEOPLE
WHO DON'T HONOR THEIR WORD,
AND THAT'S WHERE I GET BURNED.
IT HAPPENED
ON OUR SECOND EPISODE.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE I FIND HANK?
MAARSE FLOWERS
WAS AN INSTITUTION
IN PASADENA, CALIFORNIA.
WHEN THE COMPANY'S FOUNDER,
JACOB MAARSE, DIED,
HIS SON, HANK, TOOK OVER
THE DAY-TO-DAY OPERATIONS.
-Hank: 
MARCUS, NICE TO MEET YOU.
-Lemonis: 
NICE TO MEET YOU.
AND HE DIDN'T HAVE
THE TOUCH THAT HIS FATHER DID.
THE FRONT OF THE STORE
WAS IN A STATE OF CHAOS.
[ Chuckling ] LIKE, YOU DON'T
EVEN KNOW WHERE TO LOOK FIRST.
AND THEY
WERE HEMORRHAGING MONEY.
HOW MUCH MONEY WILL THIS
BUSINESS LOSE THIS YEAR?
Hank: 
CLOSE TO $200,000.
Lemonis: 
WITH AN INFUSION
OF CASH AND SOME FRESH THINKING,
I BELIEVED MAARSE COULD BECOME
THRIVING ONCE AGAIN.
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU
A CHECK FOR $100,000,
BUT FOR THIS $100,000,
I WANT 25% OF THE PROFIT.
Hank: 
ALL RIGHT.
I'M OKAY WITH THAT.
Lemonis: 
WE HAVE A DEAL?
Hank: 
THIS IS ALL DONE
ON A HANDSHAKE?
Lemonis:
IS YOUR HANDSHAKE NOT GOOD?
Hank: 
MINE IS.
-Lemonis: 
DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
-Hank: 
DEAL.
Lemonis: 
OVER THE COURSE
OF ABOUT TWO WEEKS,
I INSTALLED A SYSTEM
TO TRACK INVENTORY,
REORGANIZED THE WAREHOUSE,
WRAPPED THE VANS
AND PUT IN GPS SYSTEMS
TO MAKE DELIVERY MORE EFFICIENT,
BROUGHT IN DESIGNERS
TO RE-IMAGINE
THE FRONT OF THE STORE
AND MAKE THE CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE
WAY BETTER.
AND I EVEN TAUGHT THEM HOW TO
PROPERLY PRICE AN ARRANGEMENT.
THESE MARGINS AREN'T ACCEPTABLE.
WE CAN'T MAKE MONEY THAT WAY.
Lemonis:
I INVESTED $150,000
AND COULD ALREADY NOTICE
BUSINESS IMPROVING.
Woman: 
I LOVE SHOPPING HERE.
[ CHUCKLES ]
Lemonis: 
BUT THAT WASN'T ENOUGH
FOR HANK MAARSE.
Hank: 
BETWEEN YOU AND ME,
I'M NOT GONNA TAKE YOUR DEAL.
Lemonis: 
WHY'S THAT?
WE HAD A HANDSHAKE ON IT.
Hank: 
WELL, YOU SAID YOU
WERE GONNA GIVE US $100,000.
Lemonis:
I SPENT OVER $100,000.
Hank: 
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU DID SPEND.
Lemonis: 
HANK,
ARE YOU [BLEEP] KIDDING ME?
Hank: 
YEAH, NO,
I'M NOT [BLEEP] KIDDING YOU.
WE HAD A DEAL,
AND YOU DIDN'T DO IT.
Lemonis: 
YOU BETTER CALL
YOUR MAMA AND GET MY MONEY BACK.
I HAD A HANDSHAKE DEAL, BUT
THE CONTRACT WASN'T DONE YET.
IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE DEAL,
YOU SHOULD BE A MAN ABOUT IT,
BUT TO TELL SOMEBODY
THEY DID NOTHING?
Hank:
I'M NOT SAYING YOU DID NOTHING.
I'M SAYING YOU DIDN'T DO
WHAT YOU PROMISED.
-Lemonis: 
GET OUT OF MY FACE.
-Hank: 
FINE.
Lemonis: 
YOU'RE A THIEF
AND A LIAR AND A CHEATER.
HANK WALKED AWAY. 
AND AT THAT
POINT, I HAD LOST $150,000.
TWO WEEKS
AFTER THE EPISODE AIRED,
HANK'S MOTHER CALLED AND
SENT ME A CHECK FOR $150,000.
THAT DEAL JUST COST ME TIME,
BUT THAT'S NOT ALWAYS THE CASE.
-Peter: 
MARCUS, I'M PETER.
-Steve: 
MARCUS, I'M STEVE.
-Lemonis: 
NICE TO MEET YOU.
-Steve: 
NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.
Lemonis: 
SKULLDUGGERY,
A FAMILY-RUN TOY DESIGN
AND MANUFACTURING COMPANY
IN ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA,
WAS EXACTLY THE SORT OF COMPANY
THAT I FELT HAD GREAT POTENTIAL.
THE COMPANY HAD GENERATED
$1.6 MILLION IN SALES
THE PREVIOUS YEAR,
BUT THEY
WERE STILL LOSING MONEY.
Steve: 
IT'S A BIG LOSS.
Lemonis: 
AND WHILE
THEY HAD ONE OR TWO PRODUCTS
THAT HAD REAL POTENTIAL,
MOST OF THEIR PRODUCTS
WERE MISSING THE MARK
AND COLLECTING DUST.
I DON'T GET THIS GAME.
IT'S NOT FUN.
BUT IF I CAN INCREASE
THEIR VISIBILITY
ON THE TOYS THAT WERE SELLING
AND PUSH THEM
TO CREATE NEW TOYS,
I KNEW I COULD
TURN SKULLDUGGERY AROUND.
SO, I DID A DEAL,
AND I INVESTED $1.1 MILLION
FOR 30% OF THE COMPANY
AND AN ONGOING SALES ROYALTY.
SO, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE
CONTROL OVER THE FINANCIAL SIDE.
I DON'T WANT YOU TAKING ON
ANY DEBT
OR TAKING ON ANY OTHER PARTNERS
WITHOUT ME BEING OKAY WITH IT.
-Steve: 
I THINK THAT'S FAIR.
-Peter: 
YOU WANT TO SHAKE ON IT?
Lemonis: 
AND DO WE NEED TO
RUN THIS BY YOUR DAD?
-Steve: 
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
-Lemonis: 
WE HAVE A DEAL?
Steve: 
I FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT.
LET'S DO IT.
Lemonis:
SO I WENT TO WORK.
I SPENT $105,000
TO REDO THEIR FACILITY...
WE'RE IN THE TOY BUSINESS.
Lemonis: ...
AND BUILT
A STATE-OF-THE-ART DESIGN ROOM.
SO, THIS WHOLE ROOM
IS GONNA TURN INTO A LAB.
AND WE FOUND A 3-D PRINTER
THAT ALLOWED US TO CREATE
PROTOTYPES FOR NEW TOYS.
-WILL YOU TAKE A CREDIT CARD?
-Man: 
WE'LL TAKE A CREDIT CARD.
Lemonis:
IT WAS A $240,000 INVESTMENT,
THIS IS PRINTED?
-Man: 
THAT WAS PRINTED.
-Man #2: 
LAYER BY LAYER.
Lemonis: 
AND I GOT THEM
A MEETING WITH NASCAR,
AND THE PLAN WAS TO DO
A LICENSING DEAL
TO MAKE THE PRODUCTS MORE
APPEALING TO BIG-BOX RETAILERS
AND SELL THEIR
GLOW-IN-THE-DARK RACECARS
TO A MUCH BIGGER AUDIENCE.
Man: 
WHAT ABOUT YOUR COMPANY
WILL HELP THE NASCAR BRAND?
Steve: 
LET ME GO FIRST.
[ Laughing ] "HEY, STEVE,
WHY DO YOU THINK NASCAR'S
GOOD FOR SKULLDUGGERY?"
[ CHUCKLES ]
Lemonis: 
AND THAT'S WHERE
THINGS BEGAN TO FALL APART.
Steve: 
YOU KNOW,
I JUST MET WITH TOYS "R" US,
WALGREENS, AND KMART.
-Man: 
YEAH.
-Steve: 
AND...
THEY DIDN'T THINK
NASCAR WAS A GOOD IDEA.
NO INTEREST AT ALL.
Lemonis: 
I WAS FURIOUS.
YOU ABSOLUTELY EMBARRASSED ME.
WHEN YOU TALK,
YOU'RE A REFLECTION OF ME,
AND I DON'T OPERATE THAT WAY.
AND WHEN I ASKED THEM TO BEGIN
WORKING ON NEW IDEAS,
THEY CAME UP EMPTY.
I ASKED FOR ONE THING.
Steve:
IF YOU COULD COME UP WITH A GOOD
IDEA, I WOULD LOVE TO DO IT.
Lemonis: 
HONESTLY, I JUST FEEL
LIKE YOU'VE BASICALLY JUST SAID,
[BLEEP] YOU.
I'M JUST NOT GONNA DO IT."
THEY DIDN'T WANT TO TAKE
CREATIVE DIRECTION,
AND THEY ALSO DIDN'T WANT ME
TO CONTROL THEIR FINANCES --
A CONDITION
OF THE ORIGINAL DEAL.
Steve: 
I'D LIKE YOU TO SIT DOWN
AND TALK TO MY FATHER.
LEMONIS: 
Okay.
WE HAD A HANDSHAKE, AND WE HAD
AGREED TO THE TERMS OF THE DEAL,
AND I HAD SPENT TIME AND MONEY.
BUT THEY WERE NO LONGER
INTERESTED IN HONORING OUR DEAL.
Pete:
I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW,
WE ARE NOT GONNA IRON OUT
THOSE DEAL POINTS -
- NO WAY.
Lemonis: 
YOU'RE ASKING ME
TO THROW A MILLION DOLLARS IN
AND BE SUBJECTED
TO WHATEVER FATE YOU DECIDE.
"GO STAND IN THE CORNER,
AND SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP."
THAT'S ESSENTIALLY
WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME TO DO.
Steve: 
WE DON'T LIKE THE FACT
THAT YOU CAN SAY NO.
Lemonis:
I DON'T SEE IT WORKING.
Steve: 
THEN, WE CAN JUST
[EXHALES SHARPLY] IF YOU WANT.
Lemonis: 
YEAH.
STEVE, HONESTLY,
YOU KIND OF [BLEEP] ME
ALL ALONG THE WAY.
YOU JUST DID.
I WALKED AWAY,
AND WHILE I WAS OUT
THE $105,000 I SPENT,
I MANAGED TO GET
THE 3-D PRINTER RETURNED.
PEOPLE ASK ME ALL THE TIME
HOW IT FEELS
WHEN PEOPLE TAKE MY MONEY
OR THE DEAL FALLS APART.
LOOK, IT STINKS.
I WORK HARD FOR MY MONEY.
AND I DIDN'T ALWAYS HAVE MONEY.
AND SO THE MONEY THAT I DO HAVE,
I TAKE VERY SERIOUSLY.
-HEY! 
GOOD SEEING YOU.
-Pete: 
HOW'S EVERYTHING?
Lemonis:
WELCOME TO JACKSONVILLE.
THIS PLACE FEELS REALLY GOOD.
Lemonis: 
NOW WE GET TO GO INSIDE
AND SEE TINA'S BARS.
Michael:
AWESOME. 
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
Richard: 
HOW YOU DOING?
Lemonis: 
SO, THIS IS IT?
Richard: 
SO, THIS IS IT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Lemonis:
I WAS BLOWN AWAY.
Lemonis: 
DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
Woman: 
WE HAVE A DEAL.
Lemonis:
WHEN I INVEST IN A BUSINESS,
I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA
OF WHAT I'M GONNA DO WITH IT.
Carolyn: 
IT'LL BE THE BEST
HAIRCUT YOU'VE EVER HAD.
Lemonis: 
BUT SOMETIMES,
EVEN I'M SURPRISED
OF WHAT OPPORTUNITIES COME UP
ALONG THE WAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IN 2013, I WENT TO NEW YORK CITY
TO MEET JON AND ANDREW BARON,
THE OWNERS OF CarCash,
AN AUTO-BUYING SERVICE.
THEY WERE HANGING ON
BY A THREAD.
Jon: 
WE'RE DANGEROUSLY LOW
ON CASH RIGHT NOW,
WHICH MEANS I CAN'T BUY CARS.
Lemonis:
THE BROTHERS HAD TAKEN OVER THE
BUSINESS WHEN THEIR FATHER DIED.
AND BY THE TIME I ARRIVED, THEIR
RELATIONSHIP WAS FALLING APART.
Jon: 
NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO MAKE
A $7,500 PURCHASE,
YOU BETTER COME TO ME FIRST.
Lemonis: 
SALES WERE SLOWING,
THE LOSSES WERE MOUNTING,
AND THEY WERE $200,000 IN DEBT.
WITHOUT HELP, A BUSINESS
THAT HAD LASTED FOR DECADES
WOULD BE GONE
WITHIN A MATTER OF WEEKS.
Andrew: 
I'LL DO ANYTHING
TO FIX THIS BUSINESS.
Lemonis:
THE AUTO INDUSTRY REPRESENTS
SEVERAL HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS
TO THE AMERICAN ECONOMY,
AND I FELT LIKE CarCash WAS
A GREAT PLACE FOR ME TO START.
SO, I STRUCK A DEAL
WITH THE BROTHERS --
$200,000
FOR 100% OF THE COMPANY,
AND THEY WOULD BECOME LICENSEES
AND MAINTAIN THEIR OWNERSHIP
OF THE ORIGINAL LOCATION.
-Lemonis: 
DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
-Jon: 
I'M IN.
Lemonis: 
ALL RIGHT.
DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
Andrew:
ABSOLUTELY. 
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Lemonis:
LET'S GET TO WORK.
AND I MADE
THE MANHATTAN LOCATION THE MODEL
FOR WHAT I ENVISION TO BE
THE NATIONAL BRAND.
THIS WHOLE PLACE
IS GETTING REDONE.
I SPENT $350,000
TO RENOVATE THE SPACE
AND DRAMATICALLY INCREASED
OUR ADVERTISING
TO BRING IN VOLUME.
I IMPROVED THE MARGINS
BY FIXING THE APPRAISAL PROCESS
SO WE COULD BUY LOWER.
Jon: 
I NOTICED THE WHEELS
ARE A LITTLE SCUFFED, ALSO.
Lemonis: 
I ALSO ELIMINATED
THE WHOLESALERS
SO WE COULD SELL HIGHER.
THEY'RE TAKING MARGIN
RIGHT OUT OF YOUR POCKET.
DO YOU NOT SEE THAT?
Jon: 
WHO THE HELL
AM I GONNA SELL MY CARS TO?
Lemonis: 
DEALERS.
PREVIOUSLY,
THEY WERE BUYING 70 CARS A MONTH
AT AN AVERAGE GROSS PROFIT
OF $1,100 PER CAR.
TODAY, THEY BUY AN AVERAGE
OF 220 CARS A MONTH
WITH AN AVERAGE GROSS PROFIT
OF $2,300 PER CAR.
ON AN ANNUAL BASIS,
THEY'RE GENERATING
MORE THAN $5 MILLION
OF ADDITIONAL GROSS PROFIT.
THAT'S WHY CHANGING THE PROCESS
WAS IMPORTANT.
Jon: 
AFTER MARCUS CAME,
BUSINESS INCREASED SUBSTANTIALLY
AND THE PROFIT MARGINS
INCREASED, AS WELL.
Andrew:
MARCUS HAS IMAGINATION,
AND THAT'S WHAT REALLY
PROPELS BUSINESSES FORWARD.
Lemonis:
WHAT I LOVE THE MOST
IS THAT THE BARON BROTHERS
ARE CLOSER THAN EVER,
AND THEY'RE SECURE, DEBT-FREE,
AND MAKING A LOT OF MONEY.
THEY'RE EACH MAKING
OVER $200,000 A YEAR,
WITH THE OPPORTUNITY
TO MAKE A LOT MORE.
Andrew: 
YOU GAVE US HOPE.
Lemonis:
I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU.
Jon: 
THE MAN BUILT AN ENTIRE
NATIONAL BRAND IN ONE WEEK.
IT'S THE MOST IMPRESSIVE THING
I'VE EVER SEEN.
Lemonis: 
TO DATE,
I'VE INVESTED OVER $1.5 MILLION
INTO WHAT'S NOW KNOWN
AS 1-800-CARCASH --
$350,000 FOR RENOVATION,
$300,000 TO ELIMINATE
LIABILITIES AND DEBTS,
$450,000 FOR WORKING CAPITAL
FOR THE MANHATTAN LOCATION,
AND $450,000 FOR MARKETING
AND EXPANSION EFFORTS.
Man: 
WHERE DO I GET STARTED?
WHAT DO I GOT TO DO?
Lemonis: 
NOW I'M TAKING
THE CarCash BRAND
AND OPENING UP LOCATIONS
ALL OVER THE COUNTRY,
BUYING OVER 7,000 CARS A YEAR
AND GENERATING
OVER $100 MILLION IN SALES.
WE'RE NOW BECOMING
ONE OF AMERICA'S LARGEST
AUTO-BUYING SERVICES.
BUT AS 1-800-CARCASH
CONTINUED TO GROW,
I STARTED THINKING I WAS
LEAVING MONEY ON THE TABLE,
AND NOW IT WAS TIME FOR ME
TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP
AND GET INTO
THE RETAIL BUSINESS FOR MYSELF.
I WAS GIVEN THAT OPPORTUNITY
WHEN I FOUND ATHANS MOTORS --
A HIGH-END USED-CAR DEALER
OUTSIDE OF THE CITY OF CHICAGO.
OWNER PETE ATHANS
HAS SPENT MILLIONS
TURNING HIS DEALERSHIP
INTO A MAN CAVE.
HOW MUCH DEBT
DO YOU HAVE ON THE BUSINESS?
Pete: $6.9 MILLION.
Lemonis:
I'M SORRY -
- HOW MUCH?
BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW
THE AUTO BUSINESS AT ALL...
THE REASON
YOU'RE TAKING A $5,000 LOSS
IS 'CAUSE
YOU BOUGHT THE CAR WRONG.
...AND HE OFTEN FAILED TO LISTEN
TO PEOPLE WHO DID.
-DO YOU TRUST TONY?
-Pete: 
NO.
Lemonis: 
AS A RESULT,
ATHANS MOTORS WAS LOSING
$1.8 MILLION A YEAR.
WHAT MATTERS
IS THAT YOU MAKE MONEY,
THESE PEOPLE'S JOBS GET SAVED,
AND THE BUSINESS SURVIVES
AND IT THRIVES.
-THAT'S THE GOAL HERE.
-Pete: 
YOU'RE RIGHT.
Lemonis: 
WHAT DO YOU STAND
TO LOSE IF THIS BUSINESS CLOSES?
Pete: 
I WOULD LOSE MY HOUSE,
MY DREAM.
IT WOULD BE CATASTROPHIC.
Lemonis: 
SO,
I MADE A DEAL WITH PETE --
$3.5 MILLION
FOR 50% OF THE COMPANY.
-Lemonis: 
AutoMatch USA.
-Woman: 
I LOVE IT.
Lemonis:
I'VE RE-BRANDED THE BUSINESS,
AND I'VE STOCKED IT
WITH AFFORDABLE CARS.
LUCKILY,
I KNEW WHERE TO FIND THEM.
TODAY, I'M HEADED
TO JACKSONVILLE, FLORIDA,
TO CHECK OUT
ONE OF OUR NEW LOCATIONS.
THIS PLACE FEELS REALLY GOOD.
-HEY! 
GOOD SEEING YOU.
-Pete: 
HOW'S EVERYTHING?
Lemonis:
WELCOME TO JACKSONVILLE.
-WHAT DO YOU THINK?
-Pete: 
LOOKS GREAT.
Lemonis: 
WHILE PETE IS STILL
A 50/50 PARTNER IN AutoMatch
AND COLLECTING
A NICE PROFIT EVERY MONTH,
HE IS NO LONGER
AN EMPLOYEE OF AutoMatch.
THE ONE THING I NOTICED
IS THAT HE'S A LOT HAPPIER.
Pete: 
IN WARREN GROVE, THERE'S
A GENERAL MANAGER RUNNING IT.
BETTER OFF HAVING SOMEBODY THERE
WITH EVERYDAY EXPERIENCE
TO RUN THE OPERATIONS
OF A BIG CORPORATION,
WHO HAS CAR EXPERIENCE.
Lemonis: 
DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE
BETTER OFF TODAY THAN YOU WERE?
Pete: 
I FEEL MY STRESS LEVEL
HAS DIMINISHED.
MY WIFE'S PREGNANT --
OUR FIRST BABY.
DREAM TO BE A MILLION-DOLLAR
COMPANY,
NOW TO BE A BILLION-DOLLAR
COMPANY ONE DAY --
MY DREAMS COULD NEVER
DREAM THAT HIGH.
Lemonis: 
WHEN I FIRST ARRIVED
AT ATHANS MOTORS,
THE SALES WERE
AROUND $6 MILLION A YEAR,
BUT THE LOSSES
WERE CLOSE TO $2 MILLION.
SINCE THEN,
I'VE INVESTED $12 MILLION
TO OPEN UP NEW LOCATIONS --
MY BIGGEST INVESTMENT TO DATE.
BY THE END OF 2015, WE'LL HAVE
NINE AutoMatch LOCATIONS,
AND I EXPECT THEM TO GENERATE
CLOSE TO $200 MILLION IN SALES
AND MAKE A VERY HEALTHY PROFIT.
AND THE BEST PART
IS THAT AutoMatch GETS
OVER 60% OF ITS INVENTORY
FROM 1-800-CARCASH.
NOW, THAT'S A WIN-WIN
FOR BOTH COMPANIES.
IF YOUR BUSINESS IS IN TROUBLE
Lemonis: 
WHEN I
COME TO CHECK OUT AN INVESTMENT,
I USUALLY KNOW
WHAT I'M GETTING --
A CANDY MAKER, A CAR DEALER,
A PIE SHOP.
SOMETIMES, THERE'S
AN EVEN BIGGER OPPORTUNITY
HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT.
AND THAT WAS CERTAINLY THE CASE
WITH PRO-FIT,
A SMALL GYM IN INDIANA
OWNED BY MARRIED COUPLE
TINA AND MICHAEL SENA.
MICHAEL THOUGHT
HIS GYM WAS ONE-OF-A-KIND,
AND, WELL, IT KIND OF WAS
BECAUSE IT DIDN'T OFFER
THE EQUIPMENT AND SERVICES
THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKE TO USE.
SO, I WOULD NEED TO JOIN
ANOTHER GYM IF I WANTED TO SWIM
OR USE THE ELLIPTICAL
OR RIDE THE BIKE?
Michael: 
YES, SIR.
Lemonis: 
I WOULD ONLY COME HERE
FOR SPECIFIC --
Michael: 
RESULTS. 
RESULTS.
Lemonis: 
BUT FOR MICHAEL,
THE BIGGEST REASON
TO JOIN HIS GYM WAS,
WELL, MICHAEL.
Michael: 
I'M A BOOK AUTHOR,
FITNESS-PRODUCT INVENTOR.
IT'S REALLY BEEN
THE MICHAEL SENA SHOW.
Lemonis: 
NOT ONLY DID HE KEEP
TINA OUT OF THE SPOTLIGHT...
Michael:
NOBODY WOULD RECOGNIZE HER NAME.
THEY WOULD RECOGNIZE MY NAME
FIRST.
Lemonis: ...
HE KEPT HER
OUT OF THE FINANCIAL DECISIONS,
AS WELL.
Michael: 
LET'S YOU AND I HAVE
A MAN-TO-MAN ABOUT THE NUMBERS.
I'D RATHER -
- WELL, WELL, SHE'S
NOT FAMILIAR WITH THEM, SO...
Lemonis: 
I MEAN,
SHE'S A PART OWNER, RIGHT?
IT JUST WASN'T WORKING.
I MEAN, W-WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
Tina: 
FROM 11:00 TO 3:00,
WE'RE EMPTY.
Lemonis: 
YOU DON'T KNOW MUCH
ABOUT BUSINESS.
WHAT WAS WORKING WAS SOMETHING
THAT MICHAEL WAS TAKING
COMPLETELY FOR GRANTED.
DID YOU COME UP
WITH ALL THESE RECIPES YOURSELF?
Tina: 
I DID.
Lemonis:
SIDELINED BY HER HUSBAND,
TINA BEGAN TO MAKE AND SELL
A COLLECTION
OF ALL-NATURAL PROTEIN SNACKS.
Tina: 
I JUST STARTED
THROWING SOME STUFF TOGETHER,
SEE HOW IT TASTED.
-Lemonis: 
THEY TASTE GOOD.
-Tina: [ CHUCKLES ]
Lemonis:
I SAW A LOT OF POTENTIAL
IN TINA AND HER SNACKS,
AND I ALSO SAW
INCREDIBLE PASSION IN MICHAEL.
Michael: 
CHEST UP. 
ATTABOY.
NICE, HIGH THIGHS!
Lemonis: 
SO, I DECIDED TO MAKE
TWO DEALS WITH THE SENAS --
$50,000 FOR A 50% STAKE
IN TINA'S PROTEIN SNACKS...
Tina: 
THANK YOU.
Lemonis: ...
AND $250,000
FOR A 75% INTEREST IN PRO-FIT.
BUT MICHAEL RESENTED
HIS WIFE'S NEW BUSINESS VENTURE.
Michael:
WHEN WE MET A LONG TIME AGO,
WE SAID WE WOULD DO EVERYTHING
TOGETHER.
ME SITTING OUT HERE
LIKE I'M SOME CHOOCH.
Tina: 
I'VE DONE
A LOT OF [BLEEP] FOR YOU.
-Michael: 
YOU TALK TOO MUCH.
-Tina: 
THIS IS -
- NO.
Lemonis:
AND I DECIDED I COULD NO LONGER
TRUST HIM WITH MY INVESTMENT.
YOU'RE OFF DISTRACTED LOOKING
AT SOMEBODY ELSE'S BUSINESS.
THE DEAL'S OFF.
IT WAS THE WAKE-UP CALL
THAT MICHAEL NEEDED.
Michael: [ Voice breaking ]
DO YOU THINK I LIKE TO STAND
NEXT TO A MAN LIKE YOU,
IN FRONT OF MY OTHER PEOPLE,
AND ADMIT
THAT I CAN'T BE SUCCESSFUL?
-YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
-Lemonis: 
LISTEN TO ME.
MONEY IS A BYPRODUCT.
IT'S NOT THE PURPOSE.
AND YOU HAVE A PURPOSE.
Michael: 
I JUST FEEL
I'VE GOTTEN IN THE WAY,
MAYBE HAVEN'T ALWAYS RESPECTED
YOU THE WAY I SHOULD HAVE,
AND I'M SORRY FOR THAT, HONEY.
Lemonis: 
BUT HE REALIZED THAT
HIS BUSINESS'S BIGGEST ASSET
HAD BEEN STANDING NEXT TO HIM
ALL ALONG.
Tina:
OH, MY GOD! 
NO WAY! 
AAH!
Michael:
WE EVEN WENT AS FAR AS TO CHANGE
ALL OF THE BUSINESS CARDS,
THE LETTERHEAD, EVERYTHING.
IT WAS TIME.
Lemonis: 
I'M AMAZED
AT HOW FAR MICHAEL HAS COME.
THE DEAL WAS BACK ON.
I'LL GIVE YOU THE MONEY YOU NEED
TO KIND OF GROW THE BUSINESS,
AND WE'LL PERFECT THE MODEL.
Michael: 
THANK YOU.
Lemonis:
OKAY? 
I'M PROUD OF YOU.
Michael: 
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Tina:
WELCOME TO THE NEW PRO-FIT.
Michael: 
YEAH!
Lemonis:
TODAY, THE GYM IS THRIVING.
THEY'RE OFFERING NEW CLASSES
LIKE YOGA AND SPIN,
AND THEY REGULARLY SELL OUT.
MEMBERSHIP IS UP OVER 10%,
AND THE PROFIT IS, AS WELL.
STILL, I WANTED TO MAKE SURE
THAT MICHAEL WOULD TREAT TINA
LIKE THE VALUABLE PARTNER
SHE IS.
THE HEALTHIER THE RELATIONSHIP,
THE HEALTHIER THE BUSINESS.
Michael: 
HEY, MARCUS!
GOOD TO SEE YOU!
-Tina: 
HI!
-Lemonis: 
HOW ARE YOU?
-Tina: 
I'M GOOD. 
HOW ARE YOU.
-Lemonis: 
WHAT'S NEW?
YOU GUYS SEEM, ODDLY ENOUGH,
MORE AT PEACE WITH EACH OTHER
THAN YOU DID THE FIRST TIME
WE WERE TOGETHER.
AND IF YOU GUYS
WEREN'T HEALTHIER,
THE BUSINESS, HONESTLY,
WOULDN'T BE HEALTHIER.
Michael: 
THAT'S CORRECT.
Lemonis:
I SPENT ABOUT THREE MONTHS
WORKING ON GETTING US INTO GNC.
Michael: 
WOW.
Lemonis: 
SO, NOW WE GET TO
GO INSIDE AND SEE TINA'S BARS.
Michael:
AWESOME. 
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
Lemonis: 
YOU WANT TO GO
TAKE A LOOK AT IT?
Michael: 
CONGRATULATIONS.
YEAH, LET'S. 
AWESOME.
Lemonis:
THIS IS THE REAL OPPORTUNITY I
FOUND AT PRO-FIT -
- TINA'S BARS.
AND THEY'VE TAKEN OFF.
Tina: [ GASPS ]
OH, MY GOSH.
Michael: 
LOOK AT THAT.
UNBELIEVABLE.
Tina: 
WOW.
Lemonis: 
IN NINE MONTHS,
WE'VE GONE FROM A BROWNIE
SOLD IN A GYM IN INDIANA
TO A NEW BAR SOLD IN OVER 3,000
gncs ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
FOR ME, THE HOLY GRAIL WAS GNC.
Tina:
FOR ME, TOO. 
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
THIS IS WHERE I SHOP.
Lemonis: 
AND IT'S EXCLUSIVELY
AT GNC FOR A WHILE.
Michael: 
MY WIFE'S PRODUCT ON
THESE SHELVES IS JUST AMAZING.
Lemonis: 
WITH HER
AT THE CENTER OF ATTENTION,
HE COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD.
Michael: 
MY WIFE AND I
HAVE A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE.
IT'S SOLID,
AND IT'S NOW HELPED OUR BUSINESS
GO TO THE NEXT LEVEL, AS WELL.
Lemonis:
ARE YOU PROUD OF HER?
Michael:
VERY PROUD. 
VERY PROUD.
MARCUS COMING INTO OUR BUSINESS
AND HELPING US GO
TO THE NEXT LEVEL
WAS THE SINGLE BEST THING THAT'S
EVER HAPPENED TO US AT PRO-FIT.
Lemonis: 
MICHAEL AND TINA ARE
GONNA MAKE A LOT MORE MONEY
WITH THE PRO-FIT BARS THAN
THEY DO WITH THE PRO-FIT GYM,
AND OVER THE NEXT YEAR, WE PLAN
ON SELLING ABOUT A MILLION BARS,
GENERATING $900,000 IN REVENUE
AND $200,000 IN PROFIT.
AND WE'RE GONNA LAUNCH A NUMBER
OF NEW PRODUCT EXTENSIONS.
Tina: 
OH, MY GOD!
Michael: 
GOOD JOB, HONEY.
YOU DID GREAT.
Tina:
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
-Michael: [ SMOOCHES ]
-Tina: 
AH!
-Michael: 
WELL DONE.
-Tina: 
AMAZING.
Lemonis: 
I BELIEVE IN
THE THREE PILLARS IN BUSINESS --
PEOPLE, PROCESS, AND PRODUCT --
AND IT'S BEEN MY MANTRA IN LIFE
AND ON THE SHOW.
IMPROVING THE PRODUCT
IS RARELY AN ISSUE.
Noemi: 
VOILà.
Lemonis: 
AT COURAGE. b,
WE TOOK A WOMAN'S-CLOTHING LINE
THAT WAS ALL OVER THE PLACE...
Noemi:
I NEVER APPROVED THIS DESIGN.
-Nicolas: 
YOU APPROVED THIS.
-Stephanie: 
ARE YOU KIDDING?
Lemonis:
...AND OFTEN POORLY MADE.
IT'S DISTURBING.
AND WE REINVENTED THE BUSINESS
AND CREATED A NEW LINE
AROUND A FEW WELL-EDITED PIECES.
Woman:
I LOVE THIS TOP.
Lemonis: 
AND THERE ARE ALWAYS
WAYS TO FIX THE PROCESS.
MY BIG FAT GREEK GYRO
WAS A COLLECTION
OF MEDIOCRE RESTAURANTS
MASQUERADING AS A WELL-EXECUTED
FRANCHISE CONCEPT.
IT BECAME
A TRUE FRANCHISE CONCEPT
WHEN WE STANDARDIZED THE LOOK,
REFINED THE MENU,
AND CHANGED THE WAY
THE FOOD WAS MADE AND SERVED.
All: 
OPA!
Lemonis: 
BUT CHANGING PEOPLE --
THAT CAN BE TRICKY.
SOME ARE EAGER TO JUMP ON BOARD,
BUT OTHERS NEEDED COAXING.
AND THEN
THERE ARE THESE PEOPLE.
Andrew:
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
!
-Woman: 
DON'T EVEN GO THERE.
-Andrew: 
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
-Gary: 
BULL[BLEEP] I DIDN'T.
-Lemonis: 
BULL[BLEEP] WHEN?
John: 
I'M NOT SELLING MY SOUL
TO ANYBODY
TO PUT UP WITH YOUR [BLEEP]
Lemonis: 
THE OWNERS
OF KEY LIME PIE, JIM AND ALISON,
HAD THREE PIE STORES,
BUT BUSINESS WAS BAD AND THEY
HADN'T TAKEN A CHECK IN MONTHS.
I WANTED TO SHUT DOWN
ONE OF THE STORES.
IT WAS LOSING $25,000 A YEAR
AND IT WAS A NO-BRAINER.
Jim: 
YOU'RE COMING IN HERE.
YOU'RE TELLING ME
YOU'RE CLOSING THE STORE.
Lemonis: 
THAT'S RIGHT.
Jim:
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA PULL NEXT?
I MEAN,
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TOMORROW?
Lemonis: 
WHATEVER IT TAKES
TO BE VERY SUCCESSFUL.
WHATEVER IT TAKES,
BECAUSE THE PLAN THAT
YOU GUYS HAVE HAD DIDN'T WORK.
WE'RE CLOSING THE STORE.
WE'RE DONE. 
I'M NOT
TALKING ABOUT IT ANYMORE.
-Jim: 
YOU BETTER BE RIGHT.
-Lemonis: 
I KNOW I'M RIGHT.
Jim: 
I CAN'T PUT UP
WITH THIS [BLEEP] ANYMORE.
Lemonis: 
AND THEN,
THERE WAS ANDREW ROSENTHAL,
THE OWNER OF LA DOGWORKS --
A FULL-SERVICE GROOMING,
BOARDING, AND TRAINING FACILITY.
I THOUGHT
THE STAFF WAS FANTASTIC,
AND I LOVED THE BUSINESS.
AND I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE A GREAT INVESTMENT,
BUT THERE WAS ONE BIG PROBLEM.
Andrew: 
WHO'S THE TOP DOG?
WHO'S THE ALPHA MALE? 
ME.
Lemonis: 
OH, MY GOSH.
I HATE HIM.
I SPENT SIX VERY LONG DAYS
WITH ANDREW ROSENTHAL,
AND I THOUGHT THERE WAS WAYS
TO IMPROVE HIS BRAND.
BUT THERE WERE RANTS...
Andrew:
E-MAIL ME THE...
SCHEDULE!
-Lemonis: ...
AND ABUSE...
-Andrew: 
WHO THE...
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE,
STARING ME DOWN?
Lemonis:
...AND MORE RANTS.
Woman: 
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
Andrew:
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
!
Woman: 
DON'T EVEN GO THERE.
Lemonis: 
YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW TO TREAT PEOPLE.
Andrew:
WHAT PEOPLE? 
THE STAFF?
Lemonis: 
US PEOPLE.
Andrew: [ LAUGHS ]
Lemonis:
AND THIS WAS ONE THAT I SIMPLY
JUST HAD TO WALK AWAY FROM.
BUT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE,
DIFFICULT PEOPLE DO SURPRISE ME.
Nancy:
WHOSE PHONE NUMBER IS TAMMY'S?
!
WHOSE NUMBER IS THIS
ON TAMMY'S PIECE OF PAPER?
Tom: 
YOU WANT TO START
AIRING THE DIRT, NANCE?
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
AT A WEDDING AND [BLEEP]
SOME GUY IN A BATHROOM!
-Lemonis: 
REMEMBER THESE TWO?
-Nancy: 
THE DEAL'S OFF!
Lemonis:
TOM ETHERIDGE AND NANCY PAPPAS.
THEY OWNED WORLDWIDE TRAILERS.
Nancy: 
NANCY PAPPAS.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
Tom:
HEY, MARCUS. 
TOM ETHERIDGE.
Lemonis: 
WHEN THEY WEREN'T
FIGHTING AND BACKSTABBING,
THIS FORMER COUPLE RAN A COMPANY
THAT MADE
CUSTOM CONCESSION TRAILERS.
AND SO, THIS IS ESSENTIALLY
A COMMERCIAL KITCHEN.
THEIR PRODUCT WAS GOOD,
AND THEY WERE GENERATING
ABOUT $4 MILLION IN REVENUE.
AND THEY WERE EVEN MAKING A
PROFIT -
- ABOUT $400,000 A YEAR.
I WANTED IN.
THE CHECK THAT I WRITE
WILL BE $700,000,
AND I GET 50% OF THE BUSINESS.
Nancy: 
WE GOT A DEAL.
-Lemonis: 
WE GOT A DEAL?
-Tom: 
WE GOT A DEAL.
Lemonis:
I KNEW WITH A FEW ADJUSTMENTS,
THIS BUSINESS
COULD GROW QUICKLY.
THEY BUILT THE TRAILERS
IN GEORGIA,
BUT TOM AND NANCY RAN IT FROM AN
OFFICE 300 MILES AWAY IN TAMPA.
Tom: 
WE'RE PAYING
TWO MORTGAGE PAYMENTS.
THAT'S LIKE 2,300 BUCKS A MONTH.
Lemonis:
IF THEY COULD CONSOLIDATE,
THEY WOULD BE
MUCH MORE EFFICIENT
AND SAVE A LOT OF MONEY.
Nancy: 60 GRAND
IS WHAT WE'RE PAYING IN A YEAR
TO TRANSPORT THEM
JUST DOWN HERE.
-Lemonis: 
WOULD YOU MOVE?
-Nancy: 
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I LIVE ON THE BEACH.
Lemonis:
BUT THERE WERE OTHER WARNINGS.
THEY WERE CARELESS
WITH INVENTORY.
WHY IS THERE STUFF EVERYWHERE?
-THEY DIDN'T TRACK IT.
-Man: 
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,
THIS IS ONE OF THE WORST
INVENTORIES I'VE SEEN.
Lemonis: 
AND THEY DIDN'T
KNOW THEIR NUMBERS.
NANCY, YOU SHOULD KNOW
DOWN TO THE NICKEL WHAT
IT COSTS YOU TO MAKE AN 8.5x20.
BUT IN THE END,
IT WAS THEIR RELATIONSHIP...
Tom: 
YOU DON'T
NEED TO THREATEN ME, NANCE.
Nancy:
I'M NOT THREATENING YOU!
Lemonis:
...THAT DROVE ME AWAY.
Nancy: 'CAUSE YOU'RE
A [BLEEP] SCAMMER AND A LIAR!
Tom:
[BLEEP] THAT'S YOU.
I CAN'T WORK WITH YOU.
Nancy: 
THE DEAL IS OFF!
-Tom: 
I DON'T GIVE A [BLEEP]
-Nancy: 
THE DEAL'S OFF!
Lemonis: 
BUT IN THE END,
I WAS THERE TO BE A BUSINESS
PARTNER, NOT A MEDIATOR.
I CAN'T DO BUSINESS
WITH YOU GUYS.
BUT THIS IS A STORY
WITH A TWIST -
- A HAPPY ONE.
A FEW MONTHS AFTER THE DEAL FELL
APART, TOM REACHED OUT TO ME,
AND HE TOLD ME THAT THE SHOW
FORCED THEM
TO LOOK AT THINGS DIFFERENTLY.
MANY OF THE IDEAS THAT
HE ACTUALLY DISCUSSED WITH US
HAVE TAKEN PLACE
SINCE THE SHOW AIRED.
Lemonis: 
THEY MOVED
THE ENTIRE BUSINESS TO GEORGIA,
SAVING THEM
ABOUT $100,000 IN EXPENSES,
TURNING IT INTO INSTANT PROFIT.
AND THEY FINALLY PUT IN
A MUCH-NEEDED INVENTORY SYSTEM.
Tom:
WE CAN ACTUALLY KEEP TRACK
OF WHEN A P.O. GOES OUT
AND AN ORDER COMES.
WE HAVE THE MEANS OF VERIFYING
THAT THE ORDER'S BEEN FULFILLED.
Lemonis: 
MOST IMPORTANTLY,
THEY FIGURED OUT
HOW TO LET GO OF THE PAST
AND MOVE FORWARD TOGETHER.
Tom: 
I SENT YOU THAT E-MAIL,
RIGHT, NANCE?
Nancy:
WE KNEW THAT WE HAD SOME AREAS
THAT WE NEEDED TO BE
A LITTLE BETTER AT.
WE'RE STILL PUSHING ALONG
AND PUMPING OUT TRAILERS --
GROWING EVERY SINGLE YEAR.
Lemonis: 
WE DIDN'T DO THE DEAL,
BUT I'M TRULY HAPPY
THAT THEY TOOK SOMETHING AWAY
FROM OUR EXPERIENCE.
AND THEY TURNED A NEGATIVE
INTO A POSITIVE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK IT TAKES
TO GET IT ALL THE WAY TO OPEN?
Michael: $600,000 MARK.
Lori: 
WHOA.
Richard: 
WHAT A MESS.
Lemonis: 
THE BUILDING
ISN'T GONNA COST $600,000.
IT'S GONNA COST $1.3 MILLION.
Michael: 
IT WAS A MISTAKE.
Lemonis: 
BUT IT'S A MISTAKE
WITH MY MONEY.
Michael: 
IT IS
NEVER GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN.
Lori: 
GOD,
DO YOU BELIEVE THIS?
-Lemonis: 
IT LOOKS FANTASTIC.
-Lori: 
UNBELIEVABLE.
ANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.
Woman: 
THANK YOU, MARCUS.
Mike: 
HERE'S TO MR. LEMONIS,
AND HERE'S TO THE SIMPLE GREEK.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
Lemonis: 
FOR ME,
THESE INVESTMENTS ARE
ABOUT MUCH MORE THAN MONEY.
I GET A LOT OF SATISFACTION
HELPING BUSINESSES
HELP THEMSELVES.
BUT I WON'T LET PEOPLE
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME,
AND IF THEY TRY,
THINGS CAN GET MESSY.
WHEN I FIRST WENT TO BROOKLYN
TO SEE A. STEIN MEATS,
I WAS EXCITED.
FOR OVER 75 YEARS, THEY'D
BEEN SELLING QUALITY MEATS
TO NEW YORK'S FINEST RESTAURANTS
AND BUTCHER SHOPS.
SO, HOW MUCH REVENUE
WILL YOU DO A YEAR?
-Alan: 
WE SHOULD DO ABOUT 50.
-Lemonis: $50 MILLION?
-Alan: $50 MILLION.
-Lemonis: 
THAT'S A BIG BUSINESS.
Lemonis: 
OWNERS ALAN BUXBAUM
AND HOWARD MORA
HAD TAKEN OVER A. STEIN
FROM THEIR FATHERS
WHO FOUNDED THE COMPANY,
GROWING THE COMPANY FROM
$5 MILLION TO $50 MILLION.
Woman: 
THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
Lemonis: 
AND THEIR HAMBURGER,
THE BROOKLYN BURGER,
WAS A STAPLE AT NEW YORK'S
THREE BIGGEST SPORTING VENUES.
-Howard: 
GOOD BURGER.
-Lemonis: 
IT'S THE BEST.
BUT IT SOON BECAME CLEAR
THAT ALL THEIR SUCCESS
WAS GOING TO WASTE.
HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK
YOU'LL LOSE THIS YEAR?
Howard: 
ABOUT $400,000.
Lemonis:
A. STEIN WAS A MESS.
THEY OWED PEOPLE A LOT OF MONEY,
AND THEN WHEN THEY SOLD PRODUCT
TO OTHER CUSTOMERS,
THEY DIDN'T EVEN COLLECT
THAT MONEY.
STILL, WITH SOME
SIGNIFICANT ADJUSTMENTS,
I FELT LIKE I COULD HELP
ALAN AND HOWARD SAVE THE COMPANY
THAT THEIR FATHERS BUILT.
SO WE STRUCK A DEAL.
COME HERE, BIG GUY.
AND I'M PUTTING IN $1 MILLION.
-THERE'S THE MONEY.
-Alan: 
THANK YOU.
Lemonis: 
SO, IN RETURN, I WAS
GONNA OWN 50% OF A. STEIN MEATS,
BUT THEN I LEARNED
THAT THE COMPANY
WAS IN WAY MORE TROUBLE
THAN I HAD BEEN LED TO BELIEVE.
Woman: 
THEIR PAYABLES
ARE ABOUT $3.8 MILLION.
Lemonis: 
THAT'S SEVERAL MILLION
MORE THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS.
AND I LEARNED THAT THIS COMPANY
WAS MORE THAN $5 MILLION
IN DEBT.
GUYS, THIS IS BAD.
THIS BUSINESS IS TWO WEEKS AWAY
FROM CLOSING.
I KNEW I HAD TO WITHDRAW
MY OFFER, BUT I ALSO KNEW
THAT ALAN AND HOWARD WEREN'T
GONNA BE ABLE TO MAKE PAYROLL
UNLESS THEY GOT HELP
IMMEDIATELY.
THEY NEEDED $200,000.
SO WE MADE ONE LAST DEAL.
I'M GONNA HELP YOU
AS MUCH AS I CAN,
BUT IN ORDER FOR ME
TO GIVE YOU THAT MONEY,
I'M GONNA NEED TO GET A RETURN
ON MY MONEY,
AND THE ONLY THING
THAT I CAN THINK OF
IS THAT I BUY BROOKLYN BURGER
FROM YOU.
Alan: 
WE'RE WILLING TO DO
WHATEVER IT TAKES.
Lemonis: 
ON A HANDSHAKE, I WIRED
THEM THE MONEY THAT VERY DAY,
AND SEVEN MONTHS LATER,
I STILL DON'T HAVE THE BURGERS
THAT I PAID 200 GRAND FOR.
BUT WHAT I DO HAVE
IS A VERY EXPENSIVE LAWSUIT.
PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK ME
HOW SERIOUSLY I TAKE THIS SHOW.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GOOGLE
MARCUS LEMONIS AND STEIN MEATS
AND SEE WHAT YOU FIND?
SEE, I WAS HAPPY TO TAKE CARE
OF THOSE EMPLOYEES.
THEY DESERVED TO GET PAID --
THEY DID THE WORK.
ALAN AND HOWARD ARE THE ONES
I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH.
THEY TOOK MY MONEY
AND CHOSE NOT TO HONOR
THEIR END OF THE DEAL.
UNFORTUNATELY, ALAN AND HOWARD
WEREN'T ABLE TO SAVE A. STEIN.
A FEW MONTHS AGO, THE BANK
FORECLOSED ON THEIR BUSINESS,
AND A. STEIN NO LONGER EXISTS.
SOMETIMES DEALS FALL APART,
BUT SOMETIMES THINGS
JUST FALL INTO PLACE.
IN SEASON ONE, I MADE A DEAL
WITH MR. GREEN TEA ICE CREAM.
-THAT GREEN TEA'S GOOD.
-Lori: 
ISN'T IT GOOD?
Lemonis: 
THE COMPANY,
RUN BY THE EMANUELE FAMILY --
RICH, LORI, AND THEIR SON,
MICHAEL --
PRIMARILY SOLD THEIR ICE CREAM
TO ASIAN RESTAURANTS
IN THE NEW YORK CITY AREA.
Richard:
YOU KNOW, MY DAD STARTED THIS
BUSINESS 45, 50 YEARS AGO.
HE SAW THE NEED OF HIGH-QUALITY
ICE CREAM FOR THE RESTAURANTS.
Lemonis: 
UNLIKE SOME OF
THE OTHER COMPANIES I WORK WITH,
THEY WERE NOT STRUGGLING
FINANCIALLY.
$2 MILLION IN SALES,
AND THEY MADE A HEALTHY PROFIT.
Richard: 
WE HAVE GROWN 20%
EVERY SINGLE YEAR
FOR THE LAST FIVE OR SIX YEARS.
Lemonis: 
BUT THIS WAS A COMPANY
THAT WAS STUCK IN NEUTRAL.
Richard:
WE PHYSICALLY CANNOT FILL OUR
ORDERS TO THE DISTRIBUTORS.
Lemonis: 
THEY RAN THEIR BUSINESS
OUT OF A SMALL TEST KITCHEN,
AND THEY DIDN'T HAVE A FACTORY
TO PRODUCE ICE CREAM.
INSTEAD, THEY WOULD GO TO
A THIRD PARTY, A CO-PACKER,
TO MAKE THE PRODUCT FOR THEM.
AND BECAUSE OF THIS,
ON AN ANNUAL BASIS,
THEY WOULD GIVE UP ABOUT 22%
OF MARGIN, CLOSE TO $500,000.
AND MICHAEL HAD A GRAND SOLUTION
TO THIS PROBLEM.
Michael:
WE WANT TO BUILD A FACILITY
AND BRING ALL THE MANUFACTURING
UNDER ONE ROOF.
Lemonis: 
BUT RICHARD,
WHO OWNED 100% OF THE COMPANY,
LIKED TO PLAY IT SAFE.
Lemonis: 
AND WHAT'S HELD
YOU BACK FROM DOING IT?
Richard: 
I'M VERY,
VERY CONSERVATIVE.
Michael:
CONSERVATIVE TO A FAULT.
Lemonis:
THIS WAS A COMPANY IN CRISIS.
Michael: 
YOU ARE STRANGLING
THE BUSINESS.
Richard: 
BACK UP.
YOU'RE CROSSING THE LINE
BETWEEN FATHER AND BOSS.
Lemonis: 
ICE CREAM IS
A $10-BILLION-A-YEAR INDUSTRY,
AND IT'S A CROWDED MARKET,
BUT I FELT LIKE
THEIR PRODUCT WAS UNIQUE,
AND, DESPITE THEIR CHALLENGES,
I MADE AN OFFER.
SO, DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
Michael:
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
Lori: 
IT'S A NO-BRAINER,
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
Richard: 
WE HAVE A DEAL.
Lemonis: 
WE WERE READY
TO MOVE FORWARD.
MICHAEL HAD ALREADY FOUND
AN OLD, ABANDONED FACTORY.
-Lori: 
WHOA.
-Michael: 
ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?
Richard: 
YOU KNOW, MICHAEL,
THE MORE I LOOK AT THIS PLACE,
THE MORE SCARED I GET.
Lemonis: 
WE'D BUY IT...
THE BUILDING IS OFFICIALLY OURS,
AS SOON AS RICH SIGNS.
...RENOVATE IT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK IT TAKES
TO GET IT ALL THE WAY TO OPEN?
-HOW MUCH MONEY?
-Michael: $600,000 MARK.
Lemonis: 
OUR PLAN WAS SIMPLE,
BUT IT WASN'T CHEAP.
THE BUILDING
ISN'T GONNA COST $600,000.
IT'S GONNA COST $1.3 MILLION.
THIS WAS GOING TO BE
A BIG RENOVATION --
$250,000 TO BUY THE BUILDING,
$50,000 JUST TO GET RID
OF THE GARBAGE,
$100,000 TO PUT ON A NEW ROOF,
$400,000 TO BUILD OUT
THE INTERIOR OF THE SPACE,
$100,000 TO BUILD
OUT THE EXTERIOR,
AND $300,000
FOR STATE-OF-THE-ART
ITALIAN ICE-CREAM
MANUFACTURING EQUIPMENT.
MICHAEL'S NUMBERS
WERE OFF BY $700,000.
Michael: 
IT WAS A MISTAKE.
Lemonis: 
BUT IT'S A MISTAKE
WITH MY MONEY.
Michael: 
I KNOW THAT. 
IT IS
NEVER GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN.
Lemonis: 
IT WAS A HARD LESSON
FOR ALL OF US.
BUT A FEW WEEKS AGO,
I SAW THE NEW FACILITY,
AND I WAS BLOWN AWAY.
Lemonis: 
A FEW WEEKS AGO,
I SAW MR. GREEN TEA'S NEW
FACILITY, AND I WAS BLOWN AWAY.
THE BUILDING
WAS ALMOST UNRECOGNIZABLE.
INSIDE, WE EXPOSED THE CEILING
TO REFERENCE
THE BUILDING'S HISTORY,
BUT THE FLOORS
ARE POLISHED CONCRETE,
WHICH GIVES IT
A MODERN AND SLEEK LOOK.
THE WALLS, NOT MY FIRST CHOICE.
BUT THIS IS MR. GREEN TEA,
SO IT ALL MAKES SENSE.
HEY! 
HOW ARE YOU?
Lori: 
OH, MY GOD.
DO YOU BELIEVE THIS?
-Lemonis: 
IT LOOKS FANTASTIC.
-Lori: 
UNBELIEVABLE.
AND THE COLOR IS NOT --
IT'S NOT BAD.
Lori: 
YEAH, I LOVE THIS.
YOU GUYS NEED YOUR...
Lemonis:
HOW ARE YOU, BUDDY?
-Michael: 
WHAT'S GOING ON?
-Lemonis: 
HOW YOU DOING?
-Richard: 
HOW YOU DOING?
-Lemonis: 
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
-YOU LOOK A LITTLE TOO RELAXED.
-Richard: 
I KNOW!
Lemonis:
SO, THIS IS IT?
Richard: 
SO, THIS IS IT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Lemonis: 
IT'S INTERESTING
TO SEE HOW DIFFERENT IT LOOKS.
THIS PLACE LAST TIME
WAS A WAR ZONE.
THIS IS OUR BIGGEST
MAKEOVER TO DATE --
AN 11,000-SQUARE-FOOT FACILITY
AND A STATE-OF-THE-ART
ICE-CREAM FACTORY.
WITH ALL THIS NEW EQUIPMENT,
I'M EXCITED TO SEE HOW IT WORKS.
SO, WHAT DOES THIS DO?
Michael:
THIS IS A PINT FILLER.
THIS TAKES A PINT,
DROPS IT INTO THE CAROUSEL,
FILLS IT WITH ICE CREAM,
HEAT-SEALS IT, DATE-CODES IT,
AND EJECTS IT OUT THE OTHER END.
Lemonis: 
WHAT DOES
A MACHINE LIKE THIS COST?
Michael:
THIS IS ABOUT $150,000.
Lemonis:
JUST FOR THIS LITTLE THING?
-Michael: 
YES.
-Lemonis: $150,000?
Michael:
YOU'LL MAKE IT UP IN WASTE.
Lemonis: 
WELL,
AREN'T YOU IN CHARGE ANYMORE?
CAN I SEE THE PROCESS?
-Michael: 
WE CAN, YEAH.
-Lemonis: 
LET'S DO IT.
[ MACHINE WHIRS ]
THIS MACHINE IS OUR FUTURE,
AND IT CAN FILL
UP TO 4,000 PINTS PER HOUR.
WE GET $2.50
FOR EVERY PINT THAT WE SELL.
THAT MEANS WE CAN GENERATE
UP TO $10,000 AN HOUR,
OR $80,000 IN AN EIGHT-HOUR DAY.
-COME ON, LORI!
-Lori: 
WE'RE DOING IT.
Lemonis: 
HOLY...
[ LAUGHS ]
Lori:
YOU WANT TO TASTE IT?
I MEAN, IT IS JUST BEYOND
BEYOND, RIGHT?
Lemonis:
SO MUCH SMOOTHER.
THIS IS MINE.
Lori: 
YOU GOT IT.
Lemonis:
SINCE I DID THIS DEAL,
MR. GREEN TEA HAS
MORE THAN DOUBLED THEIR REVENUE,
AND THEY'RE GONNA DO
ABOUT $5 MILLION IN SALES.
BUT WITH THIS FACTORY,
IT HAS THE CAPACITY TO DO
BETWEEN $25 MILLION
AND $30 MILLION WORTH OF SALES.
I'VE ALREADY GIVEN THEM
A HUGE ACCOUNT
TO MAKE ICE CREAM FOR CRUMBS,
AND THEY'VE ADDED NEW FLAVORS
TO THE MR. GREEN TEA LINE.
AND OVER THE NEXT SIX MONTHS,
MR. GREEN TEA ICE CREAM
WILL BE IN OVER 6,000
GROCERY STORES NATIONWIDE.
WHAT DO YOU GUYS SEE AS NEXT?
Richard: 
WE'RE WORKING
WITH ANOTHER COMPANY.
THEY HAVE FOOD SERVICE. 
BUSINESS
WAS PROBABLY $13 MILLION.
AND THEY'RE VERY INTERESTED
IN US TAKING THAT OVER.
Michael:
WHEN THEY CONTACTED US A FEW
WEEKS AGO, HER OPENING LINE WAS,
"WE'RE DONE
FIGHTING MR. GREEN TEA'S
DISTRIBUTION IN NEW YORK."
AND THAT -
- I THINK THAT SHOWS,
YOU KNOW, THE -
- THE REAL --
THE REAL ACTUAL LABOR AND WORK
WE'VE PUT IN THE DISTRIBUTION
END OF THE COMPANY.
I THINK PROBABLY
THE HIGHEST MOMENT TO DATE
HAS BEEN KNOWING THAT
WE'RE FINALLY INDEPENDENT
AND NOT RELYING
ON OTHER COMPANIES
TO MANUFACTURE OUR PRODUCTS,
OTHER COMPANIES TO MAKE MONEY.
THAT REALLY IS THE HEART
AND SOUL OF THE BUSINESS.
Lemonis: 
LOOK AT HOW DIFFERENT
HIS GAME IS.
YOU REALLY HAVE YOUR ACT
TOGETHER.
I'M TELLING YOU,
JUST 'CAUSE I'M NOT WITH YOU...
Lori:
AND HE'S GORGEOUS, ISN'T HE?
Michael: 
OKAY. 
VERY GOOD.
ALL RIGHT.
Lori: 
THE PROCESS OF WORKING
WITH MARCUS HAS BEEN WONDERFUL.
IT'S JUST SOMETHING THAT I NEVER
EVEN COULD HAVE IMAGINED --
REALLY,
REALLY A DREAM COME TRUE.
Lemonis: 
DID YOU JUST WIPE
THE KISS OF YOUR MOTHER OFF?
Michael:
I WIPED THE LIPSTICK OFF!
I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE LIPSTICK
ON ME.
I DIDN'T WIPE THE KISS OFF.
Lemonis: 
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
Richard: 
I'M VERY EXCITED
ABOUT THE FUTURE.
WITH MARCUS' NAME ATTACHED,
THE SHOW,
THE AMOUNT OF COMPANIES
THAT HAVE COME TO US FOR HELP
OR CO-PACKING
OR TAKING OVER THEIR BRAND
HAS BEEN UNBELIEVABLE.
SO, YOU KNOW, WHAT'S HAPPENED
IN THE LAST TWO OR THREE MONTHS
HASN'T HAPPENED
IN THE LAST 20 YEARS.
Lemonis:
I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU GUYS.
Richard:
THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME.
Lemonis:
AND I'M REALLY PROUD MOSTLY...
OF MICHAEL, JUST SO YOU KNOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
Richard:
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
Lemonis: 
YOU KNOW,
WHEN YOU COME OFF GREEN TEA,
THAT -
- THAT'S REALLY
THE SUCCESS THAT I LOVE.
AND THE SUCCESSES
ARE WHAT KEEP ME GOING.
Peter: 
OH, MY GOD!
Allison: 
OH, MY GOD!
Lemonis: 
AND YOU CAN TAKE
SOMEBODY WHO HAS LOST THEIR WAY
OR WHO IS STRUGGLING, AND YOU
CAN SET THEM IN A NEW DIRECTION.
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU SIX MONTHS
WORTH OF PAY, OKAY?
TAKE CARE OF YOUR BABY.
Woman: 
THANK YOU.
Lemonis: 
THE REAL HEART AND SOUL
OF WHAT WE DO HERE
ON "THE PROFIT"
IS HELPING PEOPLE.
WHAT -
- WHAT ELSE IS THERE?
CHEERS.
Man:
GUYS, TO A NEW BEGINNING.
Lemonis: 
CHEERS.
[ GLASSES CLINK ]
Woman: 
OH, YEAH. 
IT IS.

Previously on Web Therapy...
Austen... before he gave away all of his money, he wrote his last check to Angus.
So we are going to be the custodians of that $20 million.
$20 million?
And are you ready for this?
We bought the house next door!
No... what... who? 
What?
Yes, indeed.
I counseled Kip on the issue, and I'm gonna relaunch his political career.
I'm going to bankroll the entire thing.
And my ultimate goal for him is Supreme Court Justice.
I'm not paranoid.
I know she's out to get me.
And also you're just running down the woman that I love and the woman I'm going to marry next week.
Who?
Putsy.
And the first thing we're going to do is shut web therapy down.
No!
_
- Hi, Fiona.
- Oh, hi, Garreth.
- Hold a second.
- What?
What did you call me?
Dad!
I'm sorry. 
Garreth...
There you are.
It always warms me when you say "dad."
- Yeah.
- It's just a thing, you know?
Yes, of course I want to make you happy,
- call you dad.
- Oh, really?
Did I buy you that turquoise stuff behind you?
The foo dogs? 
I had them...
- You did?
- Before.
- Really?
- Aren't they lovely?
- Yeah, I know.
- Yeah.
It's all right that I have them, right, even though they were from the days when I was working, do...
Conducting therapy.
- Well...
- I can still have them.
Listen, and...
Fiona, I'm very sorry about that, about web therapy being shut down.
I... it was...
When Putsy and I got married, she insisted that I shut you down.
And it's not a thing that a father should do to a daughter.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I always feel bad about that.
That's nice of you...
Well...
Especially since you're not actually my father.
Technically... technically, no.
I was not the inserter, but...
You know how I...
You know what I'm saying? 
How I feel?
You're so bad.
Yeah, I am.
What's... what's... why you have a...
Are you diabetic and you have a thing that says "keep away from cookies"?
- Oh!
- What is that?
No, it's my name tag from a luncheon today that I had to attend for Kip, and...
But it's... 
Fiona, it's spelled wrong.
- "Wallace," I know.
- Yeah.
I didn't want to say anything or cause problems.
I understand. 
But you know what?
Keep it on, so I know who I'm talking to.
Congratulations.
- Congratulations to all of us.
- Well, I...
You don't get appointed judge on your own.
I know. 
It's fantastic for anybody.
Ah, now he's the honorable Kip Wallice.
Is he? 
Is he?
Well...
You know what I'm saying.
All right, between us.
Anyway, you're looking very healthy.
Thank you, yeah.
No, I mean, I've... it's...
I'm relaxing into my new role, and it's just... it is...
- It is what it is.
- Mmhmm.
It's... that's how I see it, you know?
And it looks like you do too. 
I don't...
Can I tell you something?
My life is a horror.
She's an awful woman.
Everything you said about her is true and more.
- Can we talk?
- Yes, absolutely.
Okay, and this may be upsetting to you.
You don't want to hear about your mother's sexual...
- Proc...
- that's...
- Proclivities.
- No, you're right.
But...
Very difficult to, um...
Get her to...
You know, finish.
Oh!
Oh. 
I mean...
It's, uh... it's...
When they say "labor of love," this is labor.
This is labor.
They had to uber me to critical care twice 'cause my jaw was just locked in place.
- Okay, yes.
- Okay?
No, I understand...
It's... it's... it's been beyond belief, and I'll tell you something else.
I think she's having an affair.
- Huh?
- You didn't hear it from me.
- I'll pretend I didn't hear it at all.
- You know what? 
You just did.
- You heard it from me...
- Oh.
Because I heard me, so then you heard me, so you heard it from me.
She's having an affair. 
I'm sure of it.
I won't say anything to her, though...
Because she uses those cell phones that you can use for one day, like a terrorist, and then throw them away.
- She does that.
- Oh, a burner. 
Burner phone.
I don't know what to say to her.
I don't know what to do about it.
She comes home, she smells like a combination of sweat and old spice, and that's not my scent.
- No?
- 'Cause I'm a musk.
- I'm a musk.
- Oh.
I like musk.
And that's not me.
So what do I say to her?
You know, it might be that because you've allowed her to have her way with you and others, that she's lost some respect.
So maybe you need to say, "here's how it's going to be."
You know, "I'm... 
Fiona's allowing me
"to live in this penthouse as well.
"I can be in our bedroom.
I can be in our living room." You know?
Oh, my word.
- Fiona...
- Hmm? 
No?
- Yes!
- Oh.
Big yes. 
You're fabulous.
- I?
- Yes.
You... you so concisely touched me and said to me exactly what I need to do.
No one has ever been able to do that... no one.
I mean, in just, you know, a few moments, through...
You know, we're not even in the same room.
Right.
With me lying down in front of you not looking at who's talking.
Thank you.
You know, that's... what I do.
It is what you do, isn't it?
Well, it's what I did.
No, it's what you can do again.
It's what you can do again.
She won't really allow that, I think.
We just have to do it.
But I would love to. 
I would love to.
But if we're gonna do this, you're gonna have to make some changes.
You're gonna have to make some changes.
When I was preparing the time magazine piece about you... which never ran, thank God.
But let me pull up what people said.
- Okay.
- Hmm, see?
What?
"Odiferous."
"Obnoxious."
"A tin ear to the human condition."
That's me?
"Eats souls for lunch."
Oh.
- "Really encouraged me"...
- Oh.
"To continue my suicidal thoughts."
- That's not good.
- Okay.
- That's not good.
- No.
It depends on how you look at it, but...
You can only look at it one way.
I guess people look at it in a negative way.
- And here's the thing.
- Okay.
If you're gonna treat people, you have to look like you give a shit.
Oh.
Yes. 
I can do that.
Just pretend that I'm caring.
- Yeah.
- Right.
'Cause you're not now. 
Not now.
It's... it's the same "I'm above you" look.
I can feel it.
But I know it's not there, but that's what...
It's very hard when you know that you...
You know, what the truth...
I am above them, so it's hard.
But don't let them know that.
But don't let them know that.
Let them think that I'm down in the mud with them, trying to struggle and figure it out, when I'm, you know, weeks ahead of them.
And first of all, you have to stop with the hands.
Wha... oh.
It is not a Benihana.
You're coming at me.
It's almost like I need these...
If these were 3D glasses, I'd be terrified.
- Okay, right.
- You know what I'm saying?
When you're calm and you just keep your hands on your desk or...
It's just, there you are.
Look, there you are.
Look, I'm giving you the tricks of the trade.
Right, no, but they're valuable.
They're valuable, because I think I have potential.
If Google was gonna buy net therapy, why wouldn't they be interested in web therapy?
Don't you think so? 
You're the originator.
I... it was. 
It was my idea.
She stole it...
Maybe now you'll believe that she stole the idea from me.
I'd believe anything about her.
I think she's one of the worst people who ever lived.
She's bad, yes.
Oh, she's beyond bad.
She... she looks up at bad.
I am so excited now.
I...
I know this is gonna sound weird, but borderline chubby, okay?
- Borderline chubby.
- Oh.
- Here's what we're gonna do.
- Oh.
You're gonna go to work.
I'm gonna go to work.
Okay, that... so that means that
I now can start treating people again?
I would start right away.
I would start right away, because if you can bring on a patient that you've helped...
- Uh-huh.
- That's a success story.
Right.
Then I bring them to the today show.
I bring them to Dr. Phil.
I bring them to the...
Whatever show Michael Strahan is doing, because people love him.
- Okay.
- That's what I think.
So get to work, and I will get to work.
All right, thank you.
I'm excited. 
Okay, thank you.
Whoa. 
Say "thank you"...
- Very much.
- DA...
- Thank...
- DA...
Dad!
_
Oh, there you are!
Oh! 
And there you are.
- Hey, it's good to see you.
- Hello, "Jerome."
Oh, yeah, you like that?
Gina, you know?
No kidding.
Once we started having the means...
Is that an earring?
Oh, yeah. 
Gina pierced it for me.
No, it's on the other side.
Oh.
Yeah, we both got the same one.
We were a little drunk that night.
But Gina wanted us to have co-parenting besties earrings, so we each got the same one.
- Right.
- That's a real diamond.
It's, like, 6 carats, something like that.
- Wow.
- Pretty great.
What a... not a waste of money.
I do what the lady tells me.
You came into a lot of money or baby Angus...
- Well, you know...
- Was left a lot of money
- As per the request...
- by Austen?
as the custodian of little Angus, we have all sort of enjoyed the wealth,
- so to speak.
- Right.
And in fact, you know, all along, we thought it was 20 million.
We kept saying 20 million, 20 million.
- Right.
- It was 20 million pounds.
- Oh, that's different.
- Yeah.
It's, like, close to $40 million.
- Well...
- Yeah.
Not with the current exchange rate.
- But still, it's more.
- Well...
- Wow.
- So we're really...
That's a lot of money.
It's a lot of money.
- We feel very fortunate.
- Wow.
We just came back from Orlando.
Uh-huh.
And I spent a lot of time with Angus
- down at Harry Potter World.
- Oh.
I really want to immerse him in his native culture, you know?
And Hogwarts village is all Scottish, so it felt like he was at home.
- Really?
- Yeah.
So Angus was written by J.K. Rowling?
No, no, of course not.
But, you know, that's really where he feels at home.
Really?
The infant lets you know that he feels at home there?
He cries with a Scottish brogue.
I really wanted to give him something of Austen's, you know, and that was kind of a gift.
Austen's given us such a gift.
Oh, you got my baby gift.
Oh, yes. 
I'm sorry.
We didn't get our thank-you notes out in time.
This is very, very thoughtful and creative...
- Yeah, isn't that fun?
- For Angus.
It is. 
He loves the color red.
Can you... 
let me see it.
We don't let him...
We don't let him touch it, but he does love to play...
He likes to look at it.
Yeah, look at that. 
Isn't that funny?
It's funny. 
It is funny.
I know boys like weapons, guns, knives, and stuff, so...
Right, and he's not one yet, but he's getting old enough to appreciate...
- Right.
- The fun of it, yeah.
Thank you for that. 
That was thoughtful.
I thought it was a charming little thing, yeah.
You know, we should really have you and Kip over for... for dinner.
I mean, we're neighbors, practically connected, uh, property.
- Yeah, almost connected.
- Almost.
Thank God you didn't build that little...
- The bridge.
- Bridge, yeah.
We still have plans for it, but...
No, that's not... don't do that.
It hurts the resale, I'm convinced.
But you know you have...
You can use our hot tub and the whole water pavilion any time you want.
- You know that, right?
- That's very nice.
- Okay, I just want you...
- Yes.
I don't think there's enough chlorine in the world, though, to...
You know, um, that's a nice invitation, but Kip, of course, is very busy, 'cause while you were gone...
I don't know...
I don't remember at what point it happened, but, you know, my mother followed through with her plan, and Kip has been appointed.
He's a circuit judge.
That was, like, a dream of his.
That's fantastic.
Well, no, the supreme court is the dream of his.
He's on his way, which is...
I congratulate you as well, because he has you to credit.
- Thank you.
- You've been...
I'm not asking for your congratulations.
You've been behind him every step of the way.
- And, you know, especially...
- How do you know?
- You haven't been here.
- Well, I  you don't know how many steps behind him I've been.
I know, and I know you...
But as it happens, I was behind him
- every step of the way...
- Listen  because that was sort of the contract that I had to make with my mother and Garreth.
Sure.
Anyway, the pressure's off now, 'cause she's on a lecture circuit also.
Oh, right. 
The book did so well.
- Yeah.
- Congrats to her.
Well, I'm happy for everybody, and I certainly need to get to work as soon as I can to fulfill my obligation in the contract.
Yes, yes, right.
- So as a...
- As a role model...
Role model for little Angus.
For Angus so that you're not living off of his money too.
Exactly.
You know, you need to be employed.
It makes sense too.
And as he's getting older,
I want him to look to me and want to emulate what he sees.
Right, well, you have a job.
You work for me.
I think that was also part of the reason why Austen put that in so that I wouldn't be left without...
- Oh.
- An employee.
Well, that is really flattering.
That's really flattering.
I figured, after all this had happened, you know,
I obviously so outearn you financially, and we're on such different levels in terms of that, I felt...
In terms of that.
Yeah, I thought that maybe it would be uncomfortable for you, but I really would love to go back to our collaboration and figure out a way to continue to work together.
Yes, that makes sense.
So yeah, I can't really...
It's at a whole different level now.
Of course it's at a different level.
Not to sound condescending, because...
Not at all condescending
- or outrageous or unjustified.
- Yeah, not at all, so...
I'm glad that you see it...
- Not at all.
- Thank you.
In fact, I don't know what took me so long to realize that...
What would be a better investment for you than the business you've already been involved with from the ground up?
I need to offer you a partnership in web therapy.
What have I been thinking?
Are you... are you teasing me?
No, of course...
I'm completely serious, Jerome.
I think it would be wonderful if for, say...
You know, we'll come up with the right number...
Yeah, we could be partners or half...
- Like, $250,000...
- Okay.
- And then you could have...
- Half of...
No, a whole... a whole percentage.
- Oh, a whole percentage.
- Yes.
Oh, but we be... we would be owners.
We would be co-owners of web therapy.
Yes, we'd be co-owners.
A voting share, would be my point.
Absolutely. 
You'll have one whole vote...
Well, that sounds like...
To my 99, yeah.
That sounds like an offer I can't refuse.
Good. 
I'm glad you see it that way.
Obviously, I'm gonna want to have my...
The forensic team that looks at the accounting of the estate look at what the value is of web therapy, but we'll figure out what that...
Oh, well, if you want, but, you know, they work for you, so if this is what you want to do, you say, "make it work." Oh.
And that's what they're supposed...
That's how we've always handled our...
That's right. 
Sure.
People who are in service to us.
- Good point.
- Yeah.
You know what? 
Learning curve.
Learning curve.
But I can help you through it.
I might not have, you know, the magnitude of wealth that you do...
- Well, we're figuring it out.
- But, you know.
Gina has a lot of ideas about what to do with the money.
Oh, well, you have to stop that.
Well, she's having some fun with it, and all of it is in...
All of it is in service to Angus.
That's the most important thing.
But her level of fun doesn't cost that much.
- That's the beauty of Gina.
- That's right.
You know, I think Hayley is another issue.
Well, Hayley is...
Is actually in Bali right now.
She said she's looking for a preschool, and she really believes that Angus needs to travel, so she's doing all the traveling first.
Oh, maybe she could attend all the schools, too, throughout his lifetime.
She's certainly...
And he can go to public school, where it costs nothing.
I appreciate your concern.
- That really helps.
- Yes, no  it helps to know that we're already partners.
- Yeah.
- Let's...
That's a great deal, and I can't thank you enough.
It really moves me. 
Can we shake on it?
Sure.
Can you see me through the window?
Look out your window, 'cause I'm waving at you.
- I'm shaking.
- Well...
I'm shake...
Here, you want to shake through the...
- Shake through Skype.
- I don't...
Let's do a Skype shake.
All right.
Oh, no. 
We're Skype shaking.
_
Oh, hello. 
You must be Maya "Gannish."
I am. 
Ganesh.
Ganesh. 
Oh, okay, sorry.
Ganesh, yes. 
The "nesh" is the...
- The important part of the name.
- Yes.
It's so lovely to meet you.
Oh, it's nice to meet you, yeah.
Oh, I was wondering if...
Would it be okay with you if, before we started, if I just call in the light?
If you what? 
I'm sorry.
If I call in the light?
Okay.
So just close your eyes and take a deep breath.
Okay.
Mother-father God, asking for clearing.
Fiona and I ask that you wrap us in the warmth of your light and guide us towards a place of authenticity and vulnerability.
We are your children and your daughters.
Please protect us as we go on this journey together.
Thank you. 
Amen.
- That was really moving.
- Yeah.
So how do you know how to do that, I wonder.
Well, I am a yoga teacher, a meditation teacher.
Oh, okay, so all things are illuminated...
- Yes. 
Very much so, yes.
- For me.
I'm sort of an expert in the field, if you will.
Oh, is there such a thing?
- Yes. 
Oh, yes.
- You know what?
- This is new to me, but I'm...
- Oh.
You know, I'm, myself, going on sort of a "journey."
I'm practicing being very open...
- Yes.
- And listening.
- That's how I found you.
- Oh.
You're a new age therapist, and so I...
Oh, that's right. 
Yeah.
And I heard that you're intuitive.
You listen very carefully, but you also bring intuition.
Yes, that's right. 
Good.
Oh, so what... now, I wonder, what on earth could be the problem for you?
Oh, I'm gonna like you a lot.
- Oh, gosh.
- Oh, good. 
I need that.
Do you do Yelp?
- Do I do who?
- Yelp.
Do you offer comments on Yelp or any of those...
What is... what is Yelp?
It's this thing where people who, you know, use your services, and then they write a review, and good reviews mean, you know, there are more people for you to help on the planet.
Ah, where do they write these reviews?
Where do they...
Online, on the Internet.
- Ah.
- You know, yeah.
Sounds dubious. 
Sounds dangerous...
- Well...
- For a business owner.
Right, if it doesn't go your way, it can be, but...
Yes.
So I've had to sort of, you know, redirect my efforts.
- Oh, I see.
- Right.
Well, you know, my business,
I run a healing center, a meditation center.
Oh.
And I... 
I would be surprised if our "yell" comments were not positive.
Yelp. 
Yelp.
Yelp.
Excuse me.
But, yeah, should be called "yell."
Yelp! 
Yelp! 
Yelp!
I get it now.
It took me... it took me a moment.
Oh, I'm not as...
I'm not as smart as I look.
Okay, well, you look enlightened.
Oh, yes.
Well, I like to think so.
I, um...
I suppose that brings me to the reason I'm called forth to speak with you.
Right.
I...
I'm a very centered woman.
Yes.
I consider myself, you know, very at one with the vibration of the earth.
Okay.
But lately, I've been struggling.
Oh.
And I have... 
I occasionally have a very uncomfortable feeling arise in my body.
- It makes me very warm.
- Mmhmm.
And, um, I sort of lose, um, my...
My composure a bit.
Oh.
I'm not sure exactly what it is.
But it's... 
I get... 
I...
I hope that people die when this happens.
I hope that... 
I don't know.
I don't know what to call it.
Anger. 
I call it anger.
- No, it's definitely not anger.
- Okay.
I mean, I'm a fucking meditation teacher.
- Right.
- You know, I teach...
My business is peace. 
I'm not...
- It's not anger.
- Okay.
You know, that's exactly what Barbara said to me.
- Who's... okay.
- And it's... it's just not.
I mean, it's just impossible that it would be anger.
Okay, then maybe it's not anger but anger's cousin rage?
First of all, I didn't...
You know, the purpose of this session is not to call me names, you know?
You're supposed to be helping me through.
I don't have rage!
Right, but I wasn't saying that you are rage.
I wasn't calling you...
And if I were to call you names,
I would, you know, say other things.
Yes, well, I... 
I... 
I don't...
But I'm not, because I'm being a good listener.
I don't identify with that!
I'm very loving.
I'm a very calm, loving...
Surface of a lake.
- Ow!
- Okay.
- God damn it!
- Oh.
My bell. 
Just hang on.
I need to...
All better now?
Oh, God.
Thank you.
- Thanks.
- Oh, you're welcome.
I'm happy I could help.
You... you really are helpful. 
You are.
But it seems like this is making you very tense and frustrated too, because...
Is there much at stake?
Could there possibly be much at stake for, you know, the ten students you have or whatever and... 
Barbara's mad.
Unless it's Streisand, I don't know why it's a problem.
Ah, I see your point.
Barbara is my board of directors at Golden Circles.
Golden Circles?
Golden Circles.
And that's my healing center.
Uh-huh. 
Oh.
She believes that I have these feelings that I need to work through, and she said that she's very concerned about our upcoming retreat because of my...
Whatever you want to call it.
Right, lapse in calm, glassy lake feelings.
Yes.
I just... 
I'm sorry, but I googled you, and I could see that, yes, you're extremely well-known and very important.
I have many followers, is the thing.
I see that. 
I didn't realize.
Yeah.
There's a lot at stake to get you back on track.
And, uh, I... 
I had, you know, what you might describe as an "incident."
Oh.
A slight problem with one of the associates.
That's a worker?
I saw an entity here, and I pulled her hair.
But I...
To rid her of the entity you hallucinated?
I didn't hallucinate it. 
I saw the entity.
Oh, okay.
And she was going on and on and on and just talking rubbish.
And I saw this entity, and she really gets on my fucking nerves, this girl.
- Right.
- She's not evolved.
She's not spiritual.
So she conjures entities around her.
You can't conjure an entity.
You can attract an entity.
And there was one...
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
Got it.
And then, unfortuitously for me,
I saw the entity on the tire of our receptionist's car, and I went after it with scissors, and she thought I punctured her tire...
Oh.
At will because I had yelled at her for getting messages wrong because she constantly does.
Oh, well, that's unacceptable.
Thank you, Fiona.
God, I finally...
Well, how are you supposed to help people if you don't get the messages?
Thank you!
- Right.
- Thank you!
And how are you supposed to exorcise entities if you can't stab them with scissors?
I'm sorry your tire got punctured...
Thank you.
But I rid the world of an entity.
- Thank you.
- Right.
I honestly feel, for the first time, that someone is on my level.
That's a good point.
Can I tell you something?
- Yeah.
- You have a lot of insight.
- Thank you.
- All right?
And I can see why you'd be really frustrated with the people around you, right?
Do you ever do talks?
You're very good.
- I... 
I should...
- And I, you know...
- Do talks.
- You should.
And I have, at this retreat...
You know, I feel very comfortable with you.
I feel very... 
I feel very good, and I think maybe you should come and speak at the retreat.
We have a fascinating array of speakers.
We have a chakra balancer...
- Oh.
- A fecalist.
- What?
- A fecalist.
- Okay.
- A fecalist.
- They examine your...
- I don't know.
You know, if you do a basti...
- That's Indian for an enema...
- Oh.
Then they analyze the contents.
Well, that's something.
We have a feeling Sanskrit.
So you just... you scan over the Sanskrit with your fingers.
Very interesting people.
And I think, you know, you're really...
You could bring a very grounded scientific angle.
- Right.
- You must come.
Oh. 
Well...
I think you would really galvanize the men and women up there who are coming looking for real insight into themselves and...
I think I would too, but I don't do charity work, so...
Oh. 
It's not... it's not a charity.
We pay our speakers.
- Oh, you do?
- Yes.
With soup or...
No, it's $10,000 a day plus room and board and a massage.
- For the speaker?
- Yes.
And a massage?
And a massage, and, of course, we clean you with sage, and we have a native American ritual to cleanse the spirit.
And that's optional?
- No, that's not optional.
- Oh.
No.
But it's not... it's not...
It's not invasive.
It's not a vaginal or anything like that.
- You have those too?
- Yes. 
Oh, yes.
Oh, absolutely.
How many days is this?
Three days, $10,000 a day.
$30,000... you know what?
I'll clear my schedule for you.
Oh, fantastic.
I think you're very...
A person of value that I'm honored to know.
Oh, thank you.
I will have Shanti call you, then.
No, she'll email you, actually.
- Oh, I can do that.
- She'll Yelp you.
Okay. 
That's funny.
And she'll give you all the information.
So you get a basti.
You get the spiritual cleansing.
You get the fecalist.
You get all of that, all included.
You'll have a wonderful time.
You'll leave feeling rejuvenated.
- Wow.
- It'll be great.
Leave all the shit behind.
Yes!
Oh, is that your motto?
That's funny.
- It's punny.
- It should be.
- Yeah.
- You are hilarious.
I'm very excited, okay.
If we could just do a little closing prayer.
Oh, sure.
Maybe you would do me the honor of doing our closing prayer.
I'll just... if you just breathe in...
If you close your eyes and breathe in through your nose three times.
And then whatever comes to me?
Absolutely.
One...
It's too loud, though.
The breathing is far too loud.
I'm breathing incorrectly?
Okay. 
It's not- it's supposed to be a tranquilizing breath.
Okay.
To hit the nerves up here to relax the brain, so...
Don't breathe so violently.
It's just... it's counterintuitive, Fiona.
- Okay.
- It sounds fucking crazy too.
Well, I'll just... 
I'll learn.
Okay, I need to learn how to breathe.
Is that an earring?
Oh, yeah. 
Yeah, she pierced...
Gina pierced my ear one night.
Well, it's not there. 
It's over there.
I felt the earwig.
I'm a very calm, loving...
Surface of a lake.
- Ow!
- Okay.
- My bell.
- Oh.
Did you break your bell...
With your calmness?
Did... did your bell bounce off the surface of your lake and crack?
Where's the fucking prayer, Fiona?
I was... 
I was trying to breathe.
- I have to go.
- Okay, yes.
All right, and so...
God...
Cut. 
We cut.
Yeah, that's good.

Evan.
Hey.
You were out for a while, are you hungry?
Or thirsty or anything?
I love you.
I love you, too, Mom.
How was work?
It was all right.
Ohhh.
You happy?
Yes.
Do you wanna hear a joke?
Sure.
This shopkeeper receives flowers at the opening of his new store.
And the card says "rest in peace".
Are you sure you're not thirsty, Ma?
So he calls up the florist, angry, and she says, "Sir.
At least you weren't the one who got flowers at your wife's funeral that said,
"Congratulations on the new location.""
You need more morphine?
Ma?
Do you want me to call a priest?
I want you to know
I think you two were amazing.
And I'm grateful for everything you...
Why don't you guys bury these in your stomachs, huh?
That sucked, I'm sorry.
Look, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have shitty Carl try to cover your shift, I'm gonna call Carl.
Sorry about your mom.
Thanks, Mike.
You know, Evan, that was a real small funeral.
I mean, you know, it was intimate, that's what I meant.
It was a good, it was a good funeral.
They really never had any friends or family or anything, so...
Nobody else?
They were only children.
I mean, their parents died young.
It was just the three of us.
You know, I'm really sorry about the casket thing, too.
I mean, I think I still had some fish oil on my hands, the brass was slick.
Funerals are for the living, Tom.
Fuck, does this fucking goddamn machine not work?
The cigarette machine is for decoration, there's no cigarettes there.
Give me something to drink!
You want a shot?
Let's have a shot.
I gotta work later.
No, shots.
Mike, shots, please, whiskey, whiskey.
I gotta take a piss.
Just like you, you fucking...
Watch where the fuck you're going, man.
Sorry.
Yeah, you're fucked up, huh?
You try rolling my bitch?
No.
Fucking saw you, man.
I wasn't.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Guy had a fucking rough day, all right?
Why don't you just shut your fucking cock holster, have a drink with me.
Calm down, Jesus Christ.
Got a cigarette?
I roll my own, sorry.
Hey, I got a fucking cigarette.
You want a cigarette?
Here.
Fuck!
What the fuck?
Hey, hey!
Babe, get up, get up.
Kick his fucking ass.
Evan, Evan, Evan, that's enough.
All right, I'm all right!
Fucking, Evan, Jesus Christ, brother.
I mean, you knocked that stupid fucking gold thing right out of his face.
Are you guys fucking serious?
Ev, I just picked up, like, fucking four teeth off the goddamn ground, man.
Holy shit.
I mean, holy fucking shit.
Here, put this on your shit.
The cops were here, guys.
Is he pressing charges?
The psychopath?
I don't know, maybe.
You almost fucking murdered the guy.
Were you, you're getting blood all over your ice.
Would you put the gauze on your goddamn knuckles and then fucking put ice on it?
Tommy, seriously, cock holster mouth?
Why would you say that?
'Cause he had a fucking cock mouth.
For fuck's sake.
Look, man, you need to change up your environment.
You have a lot of shit going on, your whole family's dead and I think the best thing for you would be to just shift gears and do something completely different with yourself.
Are you telling me that I'm fired, Mike?
He's not saying that.
Mike, you wouldn't--
I'm not saying you're fired,
I'm not saying you're fired, no.
But the boss was here and he said you can't work here anymore, man.
I'm sorry.
I really don't wanna be unemployed right now, Mike.
I can bring you back,
I swear to God I can bring you back.
I brought shitty Carl back.
He stabbed a goddamn crippled guy in the leg.
Shitty Carl, he's a fucking shit, he's a piece of shit.
Ah, fuck!
I just need some fucking time, man.
You know how it is, man.
I mean, the fucking Yelp reviews, we're getting fucked here.
What are you gonna do, brother?
Where did you get this?
I don't need you to fucking follow me home, Tom.
Man.
Ev.
Fuck.
Dude, you need any help down at the boats?
Can I have one of those?
Yeah.
I'll uh, I can ask, I'll ask around.
You should talk to Dale about construction gigs.
Dale?
He's been unemployed since June, man.
Give me that lighter.
You wanna gut fish for tourists?
I mean, I smelled like a tuna fish's asshole for four years, but it's good work.
Smell that.
I don't, I don't know.
Just smell it, it's like, it's on me forever.
I got some inheritance, could just use that.
Where's my fucking cigarette at, bitch?
It's gonna get real fucking boring following me around all night.
I know where you live now, bitch.
Just go back to fucking East County you fucking tweakers, fuck you.
Thanks for staying, man.
They'll file a police report, they'll sue me, and they'll come back here with baseball bats.
Want me to stay, you got an extra bed?
My mom's.
Fuck, I mean, Ev, I love you brother, but I'm not drunk enough to sleep in your mom's deathbed.
Yeah.
Why don't you just lock the doors,
I'll call you tomorrow.
Are you gonna be all right?
- Mhmm.
You gonna be all right?
- Yup.
Yeah, you're gonna be all right.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Fuck.
These fucking things.
Am I supposed to fucking jump it?
Are you fucking retarded?
There's a hinge, man.
Fuck you, man.
Hey, uh, why don't you um, why don't you call up somebody for a sympathy fuck?
No, I'm good, dude.
All right.
I'm telling you, Evan, your mom just died.
You're only gonna get to use that one once.
I love you, brother.
Love you, dude.
I love you.
Condom?
Okay.
Um...
Uh...
Handsome picture.
I look like a hobo with smallpox.
You know I'm only here because I feel sorry for you, but this is a very nice picture, Evan Russell.
Thank you.
You're sitting on the condom.
Why do you have this?
Are you fucking whores in TJ?
What?
How did you even get to that?
My dad, he made me get one 'cause we were gonna go to Italy after I got back from college, but you know what happened.
How do you feel about me?
I just got sober all of a sudden.
I can't do this, I'm sorry.
Get out of town, Evan.
-Right now?
-Yeah.
My brother's a fuckup too and he took a break and he went to India and he totally recentered.
I just worked my way up to sous chef, though.
You didn't go to Berkeley to chop vegetables.
You sound like an elitist asshole.
I just, I'm not sober enough for this conversation.
Then let's have sex.
Mr. Russell.
Dispatch, I got no one at the house.
Fuck.
Hi, can I get a flight somewhere?
Anywhere.
I'm sorry, I'm really hungover.
Where would you go?
I don't know, like Canada or Europe or something?
White people love Italy?
Gotcha.
Book me on the next flight.
Or, when is the next flight?
Actually, hold on a second.
Should I go to Italy?
What?
You're a wizard, Harry.
A wizard.
So I says to him, I says, you can't fucking put the guy on the fence like that, 'cause it's fucking getting in the way of my apple trees.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry, yes, what?
Do you guys know where I can find an Italian phrasebook?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a bundle of them down there actually, pal.
Thanks.
- Yeah.
Where you from?
California.
California, what, Hollywood!
Join us for a drink, pal.
Yeah, come on, sit down, have a drink with us.
Go off, get him a drink, go on.
I'm Tom, that's me pal, Sam.
Sam's Welsh and he fucks sheep, but don't worry, he's all right, you know, he won't come near your bum.
I'm not Welsh.
You are gonna fucking love it here.
All you do is eat, fucking drink, smoke weed.
I lay off the scag, personally, don't I?
But it's your holiday, mate, you do what you fucking like.
Let's see if the Yank can fucking keep up, eh?
Look at that.
Hero, bro.
Oh, my God.
I wish I could fucking talk Italian.
Bunch of sixes, bro.
Sixes?
Oh, he's a goddamn American hero.
Like me, no.
No, no, absolutely.
Go on.
Oh.
What you doing, mate?
No, fucking no, mate, you gotta be more aggressive you wanna shag an Italian bird like that.
What are you talking about, what are you telling him for?
At least he went up there, mate, you didn't do nothing.
Fucking, what?
Fucking hell.
Thank you for the beer man.
Hey, oh.
We uh, we're gonna hire a car tomorrow, go down the coast.
Wanna chip in some petrol?
Uh...
Get a load of that.
Go on.
Go on Evan, fucking in ya!
I said fuck you, you cunt, you remember that?
I'm like fuck you, you cunt.
Proper cunt!
I went fuck you.
Next thing you know I got punched in the face, mate, about three days later in the hospital to come back and done me.
He didn't know, he didn't know, he didn't know.
You ever seen "8 Mile", you seen that movie, "8 Mile"?
Yeah, right?
It's like that.
So geezer is rapping.
And then, I swear to God, one geezer goes, goes up on the mic, right?
And he goes who can fucking battle me, battle this fucking, who gonna battle me?
I said, you know what?
Fuck this cunt, I'll fucking have a go.
Never rapped in me life, never fucking rapped in me life.
Went up there mate, I smashed him mate.
With a bottle in the face.
Birds, eh?
Fucking birds.
I seen this girl once.
She's the love of my fucking life, pal, you know?
Known her since school, first kiss, all that fucking shit.
Talked about having kids together, the whole lot.
And one day she's in this pub.
And she meets this bloke from Ibiza, DJ, saying.
Got flat out.
She only fucking leave me and goes and lives with this cunt in Ibiza.
Broke my fucking heart.
Anyway, two years later I'm in me local supermarket and I fucking see her there.
She was proper fat.
Sunburnt, skin like leather.
Teeth like fucking doggins, it was disgusting, I loved it.
You're lucky I'm here, pal.
'Cause most men don't share their emotions like I do.
Man, you got the wi-fi code?
I ain't got the wi-fi code.
You do have the wi-fi code, mate.
I give it you last night, man.
What did you do with that piece of paper?
You fucking rolled, didn't you?
You used it as a roach.
For fuck's sake.
Oh, bro, I fucking blazed the fucking wi-fi code.
'Cause I hate all nations equally.
And I'll tell you something else, the problem with Yanks, right?
Yeah, everyone hates Americans, I get it,
I'm an evil imperialist.
You don't play rugby, that's the problem.
Well, yeah, there's that, but it's also 'cause you're fucking loud.
You're loud.
I played soccer, I played soccer in elementary school and I drink, I drink well.
No, you can't.
You haven't, I have barely seen you drink five of those.
-That's not enough for you?
-No, no.
You're fucking embarrassing is what you are, mate.
All right.
All right, I'll get the next round.
Yeah, go on, mate, nice one.
Thanks, Evan.
We saw each other earlier, and if I stared any longer without saying hi
I'd be the creepy dude gawking.
Oh, shit.
English?
I need a drink.
Well, come sit with me and my friends.
Leave with me.
Yeah.
I have to get this round first.
I'd rather go home with you now, but if you like boys more...
Really?
Come on.
What are you doing?
Trying to have fun.
You a prostitute?
You want me to be?
Are you gonna rob me?
Nah, you look poor.
Well, I'm not gonna carry drugs up my ass for you or your boss.
Go out with me tomorrow night.
No.
'Cause you're a hooker.
Because I don't date.
This is a fucked up act you have, but let's say you go home with...
I'd still like to grab coffee or something sometime 'cause I think you're the most attractive person
I've ever seen.
But that doesn't outweigh that you might be a mental patient and I gotta make sure you're the kind of crazy
I can deal with.
Y-, you made this so much more complicated than it needs to be.
Bottle of wine, tomorrow night.
No, no.
Maybe.
Right.
Oh, no!
Oh, no.
You, you fucked your thumb.
If you're looking for someone to play the fucking long game with come over here, bro,
Sam will help you out.
I hate these guys.
Hey, hey.
You went pint for pint last night, son,
I'm fucking proud of you.
Well done, son, well done.
I did?
Nope.
We're leaving, mate.
Okay.
Yeah, it's too expensive.
We're going to Amsterdam.
All right.
You wanna come?
No.
All right.
Good times mate, good times, good times.
Yeah, take care of yourself, son.
Okay.
Scusa.
Scusa?
Bongiorno.
Bongiorno.
Um, English?
A little.
Is this room still available?
Have you ever work on farm?
No.
Okay.
Okay?
Come on.
You see?
Hot.
And cold.
Got it, thanks.
If not hot...
When cold we cover the trees and once a week we gather for the olive press.
The rest, I tell you.
Easy, huh?
Is that your wife?
Yes.
She here?
Car accident.
I'm very sorry to hear that.
Alledonne, igioiellidelmondo.
Uh, women.
Jewels of the world.
Jews?
Jewels.
Jewels.
Jewels.
Jewels.
Bongiorno.
Hey.
Hey, I just moved here.
So I was wondering if that date might fall into place.
Do you remember my name?
You never told me.
Scusa.
You're learning.
And you're not afraid to embarrass yourself, that's good.
I'm Evan.
Louise.
Did you just, did you just touch my boob?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
All right, one last time and I'll let you go.
Will you go out with me?
I don't know.
That's a huge cock.
It's fertility imagery.
No that's, that's Roman porn.
Are you an artist?
No, are you?
No, I was a cook, now I'm a farmer.
A farmer.
I just started.
That was fast.
Are you impressed?
If-- no, no, don't touch that.
It's, it's hard to make a living in a tourist town.
How do you do it?
I don't, I'm a student.
And how did you end up here?
I'm studying evolutionary genetics.
It's easier to isolate genes in a homogeneous population.
Um, I'm researching stuff here because not many people have left or emigrated.
I'm fucking up your job.
Yes, you are.
So go back to America, Fascist.
Great scam you pulled, having the university pay for you to live here, though.
I know, right?
What do you think of her?
She's hot.
You think so?
I need caffeine.
What happened to your hand?
Um, I punched a guy.
Did it hurt?
No.
Yes.
Did you, did you feel better?
I know, I'm a child, I'm immature--
I was just going to say we're all human.
My family would vacation here when I was little and I would see these old men sitting here.
Sometimes I wonder if it's the same ones.
You don't sound Italian.
Are you really from around here?
Not far.
I travelled a lot, though.
So I sound weird as fuck.
Did you learn your English in England?
I did.
But then I studied in America for a while.
Where?
New York.
I've never been there.
You've never been to New York, are you kidding me?
Nope.
I thought all Americans have been to New York.
I've been to Southern California,
Mexico, and here.
Oh, Mexico, I love Mexico.
I went there with my ex in a boat.
What happened?
We had so much Mexican food.
No, with the guy.
Oh, oh, he was awful, oh, he always had to conquer something.
Why did you date him then?
He wrote me very romantic love letters and he was so much fun to drink wine with.
Let's get a bottle of wine.
Okay, but you have to write me a letter first.
You can write it while I finish my espresso.
I'm still jet lagged.
Flipping my days for nights is making everything feel like I'm in a dream.
Thanks for the wine.
It's most of my paycheck that I haven't gotten yet, but you're worth it.
You shouldn't pay for things.
What if I told you
I'm actually a successful businessman taking a break from all my wealth.
Are you?
I'm not.
When I would sit at the bar at the restaurant I worked at for every one woman I'd catch combing the place for a doctor or lawyer I'd see like, ten of them with some bum like me.
Did you like being a cook?
No.
It was fucking horrible.
It can always be worse.
And here you are trying new stuff.
I mean, I could do something really important still.
Like invent an app or something.
Or get your own reality show.
The dream, the dream.
At least you're living.
I always used to say that, too.
Right now if I really had the choice though,
I might take professional success over living.
I've worked many jobs and none of them, none, have been worth missing life.
That's very European and all.
But, you know.
Know what?
Taking siestas and being less competitive, that's really nice, but your iPhone was not invented in Europe.
Yeah, right, you wanna go somewhere?
Yeah.
Let's do it.
Um...
Fuck it.
We're going into that cave!
Yeah.
I bet it's haunted by dead sailors.
I thought you were a scientist.
I am a scientist.
What is this dead sailor bullshit ghost story?
I bet you also think names determine personality, right?
Oh, they do.
All Crystals are sluts.
Yeah!
And, and Evans are nice.
You do like me, then.
Maybe.
I know names don't determine shit.
But there are still lots of mysteries out there.
Even I am a mystery to myself.
I wish I could say I wasn't just a simple minded dude.
I understand about half of myself.
Then you're half magic.
I'm half undiscovered science, bunch of confusing biochemistry and some crazy hormones.
She drowned a few months ago.
That's horrible.
- Yeah.
The dams up the mountain broke.
Her body was taken out to the sea by the flood.
Flood?
And they found her dead body in Sicily.
You know, I know it's cliché, but all the people that put that religious stuff up,
I mean, why do they think God would do that to a little girl like her?
I don't know.
Maybe because everybody's gonna die.
Whether they believe in God or not, right?
I have this buddy, um, great guy.
Always wasted, though, not really perceptive.
He goes to a party with his girlfriend and this other girl, maybe about four feet tall, walks up to him, punches him in the face, knocks him out.
Turns out this girl was cheating on him with his girlfriend.
So now everybody knows Tommy was knocked out by a lesbian named Tiny.
I love Tiny, but what is your point?
Nothing.
Just a funny story.
In winter you put dirt here.
In spring, we just take off.
Done.
Perfect.
This is...
Got it.
Bene, perfect.
You take care of this...
All of them?
Si.
What's that, kitty?
What's that?
What's that?
This.
This.
Fuck, this town is small, huh?
Hi.
Hey.
You uh...
Snuck out last night.
I did?
Yeah.
Hm.
And who are you?
Uh, Evan, the guy you slept with last night.
Sorry, I don't recall.
Oh, that's fucked up.
Don't be so emotional.
That's messed up.
This is the best place, you should try it.
Man, you eat a lot.
I don't care if you call me fat.
I was starting to think you were cooler than pulling this one.
I'm just saying, I don't care.
If this was the 1700s you would think I'm too skinny.
You may not believe this, but most men are not attracted to women who look like preteen boys.
Some are.
That's true.
But most men just want a girl who's healthy.
Obesity and anorexia, they're equally unattractive.
I think your opinion of men is too high.
No, I know dudes.
All we ever think about is sex, sometimes food, sad truth.
You shouldn't say that out loud.
Hey, do you mind if we go in here?
Sure.
Do you smoke?
Sometimes.
I smoke more than sometimes.
Then don't.
I don't wanna live forever.
How about this.
You go out with me tomorrow night,
I won't buy any cigarettes.
What?
Will you go out with me if I quit smoking?
Don't quit for me.
You don't wanna go out with me again?
I don't know.
One, uh, una?
Si.
Those.
Who are these guys?
That's Bob and Sally.
I rescued them from a lab that was done with them.
Would you like to adopt them?
No, I'm good.
Are you sure they should be in the same cage?
It's only until I find them a home.
Yeah, but they're gonna fuck like...
You're gonna have a billion rabbits.
You mind if I put on some music?
Sure, but don't judge me.
Are you allergic to anything?
Uh, no.
These are in a lot of different languages.
You said you wouldn't judge.
I'm not, I'm just impressed.
Do you speak any of these languages?
Mhmm.
Do you like leeks?
Sure.
How many do you speak?
Oh, I don't know.
You don't know.
Um, uh, French, German,
Italian, Spanish, few forms of Arabic,
Japanese, Latin, Greek,
I think that's it.
You don't speak Sumerian?
No, do you?
I don't speak dead languages.
Do you mind?
The ash tray isn't decoration.
True.
You should quit smoking.
You are a hypocrite.
No, I'm not.
Ah, would you mind watching the soup while I use the restroom?
Yeah, sure.
Soup's ready.
Just a second.
Do you ever feel like you have to shower immediately?
I think that's a girl thing.
Showering is a girl thing?
I'm going to the beach on Sunday.
You are waiting to bathe in the sea?
Yup, you wanna come?
That's gross.
Seriously, do you wanna go with me?
I can't, I'm taking medication that makes my skin sun sensitive.
So I only get to see you at night.
You can meet my husband and kids if you want, but our nights together must remain a secret.
Yeah, we would probably get bored with each other anyway.
Not bad.
What's in it?
Leeks, saffron and rabbit.
It's just a broth with a bunch of spices and vegetables.
Oh, Jesus, you're a vegetarian?
I try to be.
But sometimes I crave meat.
I gotta go to work.
Thank you for staying.
Blanket.
Is this bad?
It's a tree.
Yeah.
Why don't you just kill them?
They have to make fruit.
They kill the tree so they can pollinate it?
Mother Nature is crazy, Angelo.
What the hell is that?
Tumoredellaradice.
Nocapisco.
Rotten roots.
Root rot, huh?
I've been seeing this Italian girl.
She's really pretty.
But she acts kinda weird sometimes and I found something that gives me some doubts.
Scegliiltuoveleno.
I appreciate the Italian lessons, really I do, but Angelo, I have no idea what the hell you're saying.
Choose your poison.
That's your advice.
Italian women.
The best.
That's wonderful advice, Angelo, but have you been anywhere else?
In France.
So Italian women, you think they're better than French women.
I get that.
Your wife was a goddess, Angelo, but I gotta tell ya.
There's a lot of really beautiful women in the USA.
Italian women.
You realize in America there are a lot of Italian immigrants, right?
Okay, what now?
Is it, do we like, bury a virgin lamb skull full of herbs to ward off the infection?
Cosa?
You know, the whole voodoo biodynamic farming thing?
I worked at a restaurant in college.
They told me that Italian farmers, that's how they do it.
You don't do that?
Fungus killer spray.
In shed.
Spray, got it.
Did you farm good today?
Yes, I did.
It's amazing you're picking it up so quickly.
I don't make bad jokes about what you do.
I can imagine it being this really intense apprenticeship where he shows all of his worldly knowledge as you tend to the land.
No, it's nothing like that.
Um...
Hey.
What?
Can I ask you something?
Don't get mad.
Depends what it is.
This morning I found a used syringe on your bathroom floor.
I know it's none of my business and we just met, but--
Okay, it's not drugs.
I have a medical condition that comes and goes and it's a very long story.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have even bothered to...
I didn't think you were a junky,
I just needed to know what it was--
Do you think I gave you AIDS?
No.
You did, you thought it.
Hep C?
That would have been worth it.
Oh, come on, I don't believe you.
Can I do something really corny right now?
Again?
I've been carrying this thing around for a week and I haven't used it once, but I'd really like a picture with you.
You haven't called anyone?
Calling card's cheaper and the only person I call is Tommy and he's always drunk, so...
What about your family?
Um...
Tell me about your family.
Well, they're great.
Scusa.
Scusa.
Sure.
-Grazie.
Just one photo, please.
All right.
Okay.
Grazie.
-You moved.
-Unaltro?
No, no, grazie, no.
Uh...
Tell me about your family.
I really don't wanna do that right now.
Come on.
You're seriously mad because I don't wanna talk about something?
You just wanna come here, fuck a foreign girl and show your stupid friend the picture.
That doesn't even make any sense.
And when I ask you something important about you and you don't tell me, that means you can't be intimate.
I am so confused right now.
Look.
I went to the fucking beach with you.
I'm sorry.
I think you're overreacting, but I'm sorry.
And I think you're being annoying, but maybe I was just being crazy.
Do you wanna hear about my family?
Yes, I do.
Yes.
It's a fucked up story.
So we're sleeping together and I'm, like, making you meals but you can't tell me anything?
The only family I had was my mom and dad and my dad died suddenly of a heart attack.
My mom was diagnosed with cancer a few months after that.
I came home from college a couple years ago to take care of her and she died last week.
Wow.
I-, I mean, that's horrible.
No shit.
Not exactly great dinner conversation.
Are you okay?
Do I seem all right?
I like you.
Were you better before?
I think I'm all right.
You've got the same back story as Batman.
This is so cool.
Are you mad?
I mean, I've got nothing to avenge if I become a masked vigilante, so yeah.
Oh, shut up, I mean, how sometimes even if you don't believe in a higher power you get mad at one.
Yeah, I'm mad at something for doing that to them.
Making me put my life on hold while I worked at the same shitty bar
I grew up thinking I never wanted to end up at.
How do girls know to do that?
What is it you would have done instead?
I don't know.
I feel, I feel guilty and selfish for...
Like a sociopath for worrying about what I'm doing for work when my whole family just died.
Your professional life is fine.
Do you feel like an orphan farmer?
No, but I feel like a grown ass man who misses his parents.
So.
Gonna tell me something now?
Like what?
I don't know.
But I just bared my soul to you.
That was baring your soul?
Fuck off.
Okay, let's see.
Not this one, no.
Um, did you know I have two different color eyes?
What do you mean?
Holy shit.
Why do you wear the contact?
My ex boyfriend always made fun of it.
What an asshole.
I'm joking, I'm lying, no one ever did that.
Probably lie a lot.
I've actually never lied to you.
Not once.
Your eyes are beautiful.
And you're not very creative.
Hey, Angelo?
Si?
Ce-,cos'equesto?
Never seen a tree that has two different fruits on it.
Lorange tree.
Got lemons and oranges so I call it a lorange tree.
Or are those limes?
Get it, loranges?
That's it?
Quasi.
Old tree uses new tree.
The fruit looks good.
Oh, yes.
Terrabuono.
Vulcano.
Volcano?
Yes, volcano make good soil.
Is it active?
Ha.
Shit.
Good job, Bob.
Sorry, Sally.
Come in.
Hey.
Bad day.
Let's stay in.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Sorry I'm being really boring.
You feel all right?
I think so.
Do I look all right?
You look beautiful.
I might be sick, you may not want to get too close.
What are you doing?
Lift up your head.
I read that this is what you do when a girl gets sick.
You don't have to.
Anything to eat?
There are some oranges and yogurt in the fridge.
Here, find something for us to watch.
What happened to Bob and Sally?
I don't wanna talk about it.
Want some?
Thanks.
My friend Tommy said he was born with a tail.
I doubt your friend Tommy is one of the 23 cases ever.
He totally is.
Yeah, we, we have lots of things we don't use anymore.
I'm pretty sure they sell this at Urban Outfitters.
It's oversimplified and misleading, but I like the pictures.
Want some water?
Vino.
Vino?
Wine.
I know.
Thank you.
Dipiu?
Howmuchmore ?
Bastafinito.
For the day?
Si.
Well, let's go fishing or something.
No,sonostanco.
Come on, man.
My girlfriend's at work, I got nothing to do.
Look, if you're stanco, let me drive these down.
Have fun.
You earned it.
Woo, touchdown!
Episilon, theta, omega!
Roy, roy, play, throw the pass, faggot!
Fuck you.
Oh, oh, ohhhh!
Oh, hi.
Oh, my God.
What are you doing here?
Walking home from work.
What are you doing here?
Um, here.
We're buying gifts now?
It has Roman porn in it, remember?
You didn't sign it, though.
There's so many more tourists here than usual.
This is the beginning.
Late spring is a madhouse.
You wanna go somewhere?
Let's go.
Okay, but you can't tell anyone.
It's a secret.
Not Tommy, no girls.
Anywhere away from tourists.
You are a tourist!
I have to get my boat, come on.
You have a boat?
Come on, faster, Evan, faster!
Can you swim if we sink?
The lady gorilla won't sink.
Seriously, can you swim?
Okay, so we're very close, so paddle as fast as you can, then get down.
All right, have you done this before?
This looks like magic.
Looks like stuff in nature we haven't figured out yet.
What makes this?
The glow?
It's from reflected sunlight coming through a big hole underwater.
How did you find it?
My friend showed it to me.
There are some others that tourists go to but this one is a secret.
Some of the Roman statues from the exhibit were found over there.
Hormones and biochemistry.
Moment ruined.
I think we're taking on water.
Stop talking shit about my boat, Evan.
Can I ask you something awkward now?
No.
Do you ever change your clothes?
Yes!
Really?
All I brought is my backpack and the only things they sell are like,
I heart Bologna shirts.
Octopussy!
We are not all like that.
Uh, Evan, are you still hungry?
No, I'm good.
'Cause, you know, the clinic opens really early tomorrow and I gotta go to bed.
Don't pay for me.
No, you did all the rowing, but thanks for a wonderful time!
What up?
Hey, I have weed in my hotel room.
I don't speak French.
How much to suck my dick?
What?
Football bad?
Si.
Where you off to all dapper?
Chiesa,come.
Grazie.
Your Italian is going better.
Yeah, I'm trying.
Are there any single donneatchurch?
Si.
You should ask one out.
I can't.
Yeah, you can.
My wife.
Oh, well...
If you ever feel ready, then you should.
Hey.
- Hey.
Something wrong?
No, it's...
Can I come in?
No, it's not a good time right now.
Um, well, a minute if you really have to.
Um, I didn't sleep at all last night so forgive me if I stumble through this.
I don't even know how much you need me to tell you this because it's been barely a week.
But things got intense so fast and...
Tell me what?
We can't see each other anymore.
You serious?
Yes.
I don't think you're ready for where this is going and I have some things I need to work through without being in a relationship.
And, Evan, I'm really, really sorry for leading you on like this.
I, I can see how you could feel like this has all been going so fast and, like if you're freaked out and you need some space, that's fine.
Evan, you've been through a lot recently and maybe you are not thinking clearly, but...
I'm fine.
What's your problem?
I'd really rather not explain what's the problem.
Again, I can't tell you how sorry I am and that you are a wonderful guy, but...
What happened to intimacy being talking about stuff?
That's it.
So I leave here and it's like you and I never happened.
We never see each other again.
Okay.
I want you to know something.
Take it or leave it.
I think you could be the love of my life.
And I know that sounds stupid, it's only been five days, but it's true.
If you don't feel anything for me and that's what this is really about then I wish you the best with everything in your life 'cause I think you're an amazing person.
But if you do feel something
I think you should think about this a little bit longer.
All right.
I'm taking off, Angelo.
Donnaproblema.
Oh, I didn't hit her, I hit a wall 'cause she broke up with me.
Stupido.
DonnaItaliana,right?
Ciao.
Angelo.
I wanted to say thank you.
Even with all this,
I'm living the fantasy of some rich American housewife.
I don't know how much longer I'm gonna stay here, but I want you to know that I appreciate all this.
Don't yet.
Policia?
Immigrazione.
Immigration?
Do I need to worry?
Si.
Should I run?
Si.
So back in the US the cops are after me.
Before that I lost my job and lost my, my parents.
Here, I lost my job.
Lost my girlfriend.
The cops are after me.
Can you shut...
Can you shut the door, please?
Are you a vampire, werewolf, zombie, witch or alien?
Human.
Are you scared of me?
Yeah.
But explain it to me.
Sorry, I...
Evan.
Calm...
Fuck.
Evan.
That is me.
No, it's not.
It is.
I posed for that painting almost 2,000 years ago.
This is the crazy I can't handle.
My eyes are like this because of hereditary heterochromia.
Do you know what that means?
- I don't know.
You like, give it to your kids or something?
Correct, but I've been giving it to myself.
There are things I've found out in the last two decades that I don't understand entirely and you may find them upsetting.
You're trying not to upset me?
You dumped me and became a monster.
Okay, you win one argument.
Um, do you know what embryonic stem cells are?
Cure stuff.
You abort babies to get them.
Not necessarily, but you kinda get the idea.
They replicate for a long time and can be used to heal or maintain your whole body.
That's what you are?
You're like, "Newsweek" Fountain of Youth Cells or something?
Sure, so my body uses the cells so I stay the same age and heal very fast.
But...
Embryonic cells?
Are you fucking pregnant?
Fuck!
I conceive and about a week later
I'm a healthy 20 year old with 50% new DNA.
I stay the same age for about 20 years and then I need new cells.
And you dumped me once you got them.
You wouldn't have recognized me anyway.
I'll have to start a new life, I always do, every 20 years.
Why tonight?
Why even get to know me?
I didn't wanna hurt you.
Goddammit, I mean physically.
Before my body uses the cells it goes crazy.
I run, I turn to creatures from our evolutionary past,
I, I fucking kill stuff.
Fuck!
Hey, we both have tempers, huh?
Yeah, but mine's worse and something is off and I thought I can control it, but, fuck, I got...
I got desperate and I tried occult books and I ate my rabbit.
What?
Okay, it's not magic, okay?
There's stem cells in cat brains and rabbit intestines, testicles.
Use those!
I do, but they aren't as effective.
Okay, well, whatever I saw on your living room floor, that was not the physical laws of the universe.
I need a second.
Just because you haven't seen something before, Evan, doesn't mean it's supernatural.
Evan.
Can you please stop walking away, please?
Give me a minute.
Hello?
Tommy!
Hey, it's Evan.
What's up, man?
I'm good, I'm good.
Yeah, I met a girl.
Yeah, she's, she's really hot, yeah.
Um, do you have a sec?
I got this girl, or uh, maybe monster, pregnant and I don't know if she's gonna like, give birth to herself...
Hello?
Tommy, Tommy!
Smoked a huge bowl?
Gotcha.
Yeah, right before I got on the phone, okay.
Um, no, no, no problem man, no problem at all just uh, I'll call you back another time.
Yeah.
Yup, enjoy.
I know it's complicated, obviously, but let's talk about this.
That's me.
It's something chemical.
Pheromones.
If I do this to a plant you have to wonder what it is you're actually feeling.
I've seen what happens to you.
I mean, I've seen this at its worst, right?
And I can deal with that part.
No.
You wanna be with someone that is basically going to be related to you when you're 85 and look like an inbred pedophile?
Yes, probably.
In a day I'll be someone else and Evan, you should get far to keep all your stuff attached.
Let's, let's use the time we have.
Why? 
Why?
For just a little while longer
I'm a normal guy, you're a normal girl.
We're here.
I'd regret it if we didn't take this to its end.
Evan, you know um, that I'm not in love with you, right?
You like being with me.
You like the sex and all that.
You smell good.
And you are funny.
And I like the closeness.
Great.
So.
How different is your personality gonna be when you use my cells?
Well, with your impulsiveness and some other personality stuff about half of you.
Keep my memories, that's nice.
When you realize that you're madly in love with me.
That's the only way this goes down.
To live forever, yes.
What about not forever?
Evan, I really think you're great, but I'm not giving up eternity for a guy
I just met a week ago.
I know, I don't mean to sound like a selfish dick.
But is there a way?
My adult stem cells, but they're weak and they would give me one life.
So you'd be choosing death?
I don't choose.
What?
Nothing, nothing.
Seven days from getting pregnant my body metabolizes the cells and that's in about a day.
So spend it with me on a road trip.
No.
The transformations are getting way worse and I can't control them.
Twenty-four hour road trip or until you love me.
Evan, maybe we should just rip the band aid off before a fucking scaly appendage rips off your... head.
You get until earth dies, I get one more day with you.
Shit.
- What?
Immigration, they came to the farm today.
Fuck, we should get out of here.
Why?
Um, Italian jail?
What?
Yes, they throw in illegal immigrants all the time.
Dude, they're gonna rape you.
Anybody ever driven off the cliff?
I did once, years ago.
You're not driving.
All right, where's our first hideout?
Naples.
What, Naples?
Good restaurants and stores for you to buy some clothes.
You never told me you had a car.
It never came up.
Pull over.
What else do you have?
You've seen my boat.
Come on, in 2000 years you must have invested in something.
Okay, I have an apartment in Rome.
In Paris.
In Bali.
So you're slumming it with me right now.
It actually is a fucking nightmare.
I have to constantly come up with new federal ID numbers, will stuff to myself.
It's a nightmare.
Right.
Right.
What's your original name?
Uh...
I don't remember.
Really?
Well, do you remember the address of your childhood home?
Yes, I do.
Fuck!
Evan, they're going to find you, the police, get down, down!
Just get down.
- Hold on, hold on.
Are they gone?
Yeah.
That was very European.
This is some hipster shit.
We should get back on the road.
What do you like more?
Pool or the ocean?
Um, ocean.
No sharks in pools, that's nice.
But the ocean goes on and on and on.
It's mysterious.
Put your feet in the ocean, then.
No, this pool has enough mystery.
I mean, it doesn't make any sense, but it's nice.
Like you.
I don't make any sense?
No, not really.
Why go on the run with me then?
First time we sat down and talked it was easy.
And then it stayed easy.
And that's it?
You had a profound moment I missed?
First time we had sex.
Really?
Yeah.
No, I mean really, like, you knew then you wanted graves next to each other.
No, there wasn't a moment when I knew.
But I do know.
I'm just saying if I felt we should share all of our time together, and I'm not saying I do, it's not because of something that could be expressed.
And also like, you saw me all fucked up and you're still here.
Oh.
I guess your place is clean.
I like that.
And your voice.
Your voice keeps me around.
What?
Welcome to Naples!
Benvenuto.
Are we looking for crack?
We're on the run, no police ever come here.
You're trying to get me killed.
How much?
Twenty?
Can you change fifty?
Are you kidding me?
Dude, do you have a lighter?
That's terrible.
We should buy you some clothes.
Why do you hate my shirt?
You don't listen.
Oh, I listen.
No, you still don't.
Oh, I listen.
Let's see, I got you pregnant, you can use those embryo cells to heal fast and live forever, when you do that you physically become half the man who got you pregnant.
Um, when you are pregnant you turn into a cross between creatures from our evolutionary past and a corpse, and you could choose to use your adult cells, but then you'd die someday so--
You know, honey, just because you listen to a few things doesn't make you Oprah.
It does.
No, it doesn't.
I find it amazing that I even understood half of what you said.
I've actually never been in a church.
Well, let's go in that one.
You wouldn't be bored?
No, no, I haven't been to that one since the grand opening.
So do you know anything about all this?
I've always been a student of science.
But it's pretty and I like the rituals.
No, I mean, do you know anything about like...?
No.
The gods change so much I can't keep up.
All this time, all the things you haven't been able to explain.
Just seems like you'd know more or something.
Just because I can't explain something about myself right now doesn't mean it's metaphysical.
It means science can't explain it yet.
Hm.
You looked like a ghost in that picture at the restaurant.
You just saw me look like stuff from stories you read or saw, that's it.
Guess giant squid were myths until one washed up on a beach.
People used to think people with rabies and porphyria were vampires, but that doesn't mean vampires are real.
It means science hadn't caught up with the myth.
And even if I knew I'm supernatural it doesn't prove anything about...
Fear of the unknown makes a lot of really pretty stuff, though.
Um, Louise, did you bring your shots?
Yeah, they're in my purse.
You should use it.
Why, do you see something?
Yeah, a little something.
Just do it here, don't get up.
Okay.
So this time in Prussia, 1760 something, so I'm walking through the cemetery and they're digging up corpses and the corpses would move from escaping gases and whatnot and so they're like staking dead people calling vampires.
Nerve wrecking.
So I left there.
I'm in the new world and women were hunted for being witches for like, a lot less than my quirks.
One colonial guy said I was aging well.
No joke, I was on the first ship back to England.
So then I'm in France and they were like, burning women at the stake for having a moody day, so I catch a train to Germany in the 1930s and I mean, we all know what happened there, right?
Do you wanna show me, what's your favorite museum here?
We should go check it out.
Can we get some pizza first?
Of course we can.
Really pouring on the melodrama in this one.
You look so different.
Oh, yeah, my boyfriend before was a very unattractive older man.
How many men are you a mix of?
You don't wanna know.
I don't?
Are you jealous, Evan?
No, but if every, you're 2,000 years old, if every 20 years--
You have a problem with how many men I slept with and my age?
Okay, just in the fresco, in the book I gave you.
None, I'm actually 22 years old in that painting.
A virgin in that painting?
Yes.
Does that make you happy?
So you really hated being martyred, huh?
I was just a peasant posing for the scene.
After the Black Plague I think I was just happy
I wasn't scrubbing bodily fluids.
I have just one question.
Who the fuck is this guy?
Where do you think I got these fingers from?
You're still really pretty as an Ottoman peasant.
Look at this guy, he was like "Arrr rarr rarr.
Stop, stop hitting me!"
I wanted to show you something even older than me.
I saw this on the Learning Channel.
It was a bomb shelter during World War II.
Yeah, mention World War II and every American becomes a historian.
Oh, do they?
Well, we watch movies.
Lots of them.
So um, what happens when this goes down?
This body dies and the cells recreate a new one.
And what if you use your adult cells?
Then...
Then I'd look exactly the same, just pregnant, and that would be horrifying.
How much time do you have left?
Until equinox.
Sunrise, probably.
Your body knows when winter ends?
When I was little time was measured differently so all that bull shit with sun gods and whatever.
Cool, well, if you stay with me
I'll give something up, too.
Smoking.
We'll both end up like these guys.
Yeah, in like, fifty years, come on!
So you would be giving up life to become a father.
I'm an illegal immigrant olive farmer.
New frontiers.
So you wanna spend the rest of your life with me.
Yeah.
I think you're rushing dating and death and fatherhood.
How do you choose to use your adult cells--
Wow, look at this guy.
How do you choose?
I don't.
My-, my body chooses.
How does your body choose?
Oxytocin.
Totally lost again.
It's the hormone that makes women fall in love and get maternal.
If it were high enough survival reaction blocks the embryonic cells and defaults into my adult stem cells.
You know that?
I-, I mean, I don't, I'm not sure, but I can show you the origin of the theory.
You're still not in love with me?
Last syringe.
You still want this?
I wanna show you where I grew up.
So if you love me then there's this hormone and you'll stay the same?
In theory, yeah.
But neither of us has much control over it and how would I even know?
I know I'm in love with you.
You know that?
Yes.
So it seems like you should know if you love me or not.
So you never lusted for someone before and then it passed?
So you've never been in love before?
I guess not.
Not in thousands of years.
I'm not a sociopath, okay?
I just had really bad luck.
Bad luck.
I got it.
Okay.
You probably know the entire city was buried by the volcano you see there in the distance.
Buried in ash and pumice, perfectly preserved and was rediscovered and dug up centuries later.
And if you'll look to your left you'll see an example of one of the earliest
"beware of dog" signs.
You sure there's no security here?
No, but Evan, I feel like you don't wanna see my hometown.
What the fuck?
Yup, when excavators came across chambers shaped like human-- Evan, Evan no, no.
Was that real dog?
Come back, what are you doing?
They injected plaster into them and that's what you get.
And here we have the whorehouse,
I've never been there, but I've been to the bakery you see to your right and to the bar here on the corner, and...
What?
I wanna show you my family now.
Okay.
That's weird, I didn't know their tombs were here.
So this is my father, my mother, and my little brother.
How did you get away in time?
I didn't.
Then how did you get out?
You really wanna know?
It's 2000 years ago so I'm doing fine.
My, my pain threshold is still built for birthing so lava is fine.
My oxytocin case study?
I got it from her.
It's hereditary.
She gave it all up for me and my father.
I don't wanna die, and I don't wanna watch anyone die.
At least you got the same back story as Harry Potter.
That's pretty cool.
Can I say something?
In absolutely sincerity.
I'm gonna miss the hell out of you.
Like, it's gonna fucking hurt.
Bad.
Your perfect male fantasy just shattered.
A younger wife and a sugar momma.
Yeah, you forgot the incest part.
I mean, I'm an open minded guy, but I probably wouldn't want that.
That's the temple of Apollo sundial.
This?
- No, no, no.
After we borrowed him from the ancient Greeks he was replaced by Jesus and now we don't know who the old clock belongs to.
Um...
One last thing you should know.
Right before I transform, if I transform, that monster is gonna be the biggest and sharpest.
How big?
Just run.
Really fast.
We never got my clothes.
No.
One of us says something about journey and destination.
Destinations are underrated?
You ever wonder what life is like in the finite?
Terrifying all the time, I'm sure.
I don't think so.
Even at my lowest I'm still excited to use the time as best I can.
There's motivation to make every second count.
You never got lonely?
Not since I met you.
Isn't it scary losing that?
What are you doing?
Begging.
It's time.
Tell me more about the finite.
Um...
Let's see, uh...
When you're sick it makes you feel lucky for all the times when you were healthy.
Sunrises and sunsets?
Some things are just beautiful no matter what.
And a constant reminder that you only get so many.
So you gotta fucking enjoy them.
Some pizza and a bottle of wine with the right person.
That can make the shittiest day better.
Coffee dates take up a pretty good chunk of your time, but they're worth it.
You can, you can choose to work yourself to death, but you can also throw all that work away without regrets for the right person.
Maybe that's chemical, but it's also magic.
Ah...
Love comes around a couple times if you're lucky.
Life always seems short no matter what.

Evan.
Hey.
You were out for a while, are you hungry?
Or thirsty or anything?
I love you.
I love you, too, Mom.
How was work?
It was all right.
Ohhh.
You happy?
Yes.
Do you wanna hear a joke?
Sure.
This shopkeeper receives flowers at the opening of his new store.
And the card says "rest in peace".
Are you sure you're not thirsty, Ma?
So he calls up the florist, angry, and she says, "Sir.
At least you weren't the one who got flowers at your wife's funeral that said,
"Congratulations on the new location.""
You need more morphine?
Ma?
Do you want me to call a priest?
I want you to know
I think you two were amazing.
And I'm grateful for everything you...
Why don't you guys bury these in your stomachs, huh?
That sucked, I'm sorry.
Look, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have shitty Carl try to cover your shift, I'm gonna call Carl.
Sorry about your mom.
Thanks, Mike.
You know, Evan, that was a real small funeral.
I mean, you know, it was intimate, that's what I meant.
It was a good, it was a good funeral.
They really never had any friends or family or anything, so...
Nobody else?
They were only children.
I mean, their parents died young.
It was just the three of us.
You know, I'm really sorry about the casket thing, too.
I mean, I think I still had some fish oil on my hands, the brass was slick.
Funerals are for the living, Tom.
Fuck, does this fucking goddamn machine not work?
The cigarette machine is for decoration, there's no cigarettes there.
Give me something to drink!
You want a shot?
Let's have a shot.
I gotta work later.
No, shots.
Mike, shots, please, whiskey, whiskey.
I gotta take a piss.
Just like you, you fucking...
Watch where the fuck you're going, man.
Sorry.
Yeah, you're fucked up, huh?
You try rolling my bitch?
No.
Fucking saw you, man.
I wasn't.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Guy had a fucking rough day, all right?
Why don't you just shut your fucking cock holster, have a drink with me.
Calm down, Jesus Christ.
Got a cigarette?
I roll my own, sorry.
Hey, I got a fucking cigarette.
You want a cigarette?
Here.
Fuck!
What the fuck?
Hey, hey!
Babe, get up, get up.
Kick his fucking ass.
Evan, Evan, Evan, that's enough.
All right, I'm all right!
Fucking, Evan, Jesus Christ, brother.
I mean, you knocked that stupid fucking gold thing right out of his face.
Are you guys fucking serious?
Ev, I just picked up, like, fucking four teeth off the goddamn ground, man.
Holy shit.
I mean, holy fucking shit.
Here, put this on your shit.
The cops were here, guys.
Is he pressing charges?
The psychopath?
I don't know, maybe.
You almost fucking murdered the guy.
Were you, you're getting blood all over your ice.
Would you put the gauze on your goddamn knuckles and then fucking put ice on it?
Tommy, seriously, cock holster mouth?
Why would you say that?
'Cause he had a fucking cock mouth.
For fuck's sake.
Look, man, you need to change up your environment.
You have a lot of shit going on, your whole family's dead and I think the best thing for you would be to just shift gears and do something completely different with yourself.
Are you telling me that I'm fired, Mike?
He's not saying that.
Mike, you wouldn't...
I'm not saying you're fired,
I'm not saying you're fired, no.
But the boss was here and he said you can't work here anymore, man.
I'm sorry.
I really don't wanna be unemployed right now, Mike.
I can bring you back,
I swear to God I can bring you back.
I brought shitty Carl back.
He stabbed a goddamn crippled guy in the leg.
Shitty Carl, he's a fucking shit, he's a piece of shit.
Ah, fuck!
I just need some fucking time, man.
You know how it is, man.
I mean, the fucking Yelp reviews, we're getting fucked here.
What are you gonna do, brother?
Where did you get this?
I don't need you to fucking follow me home, Tom.
Man.
Ev.
Fuck.
Dude, you need any help down at the boats?
Can I have one of those?
Yeah.
I'll uh, I can ask, I'll ask around.
You should talk to Dale about construction gigs.
Dale?
He's been unemployed since June, man.
Give me that lighter.
You wanna gut fish for tourists?
I mean, I smelled like a tuna fish's asshole for four years, but it's good work.
Smell that.
I don't, I don't know.
Just smell it, it's like, it's on me forever.
I got some inheritance, could just use that.
Where's my fucking cigarette at, bitch?
It's gonna get real fucking boring following me around all night.
I know where you live now, bitch.
Just go back to fucking East County you fucking tweakers, fuck you.
Thanks for staying, man.
They'll file a police report, they'll sue me, and they'll come back here with baseball bats.
Want me to stay, you got an extra bed?
My mom's.
Fuck, I mean, Ev, I love you brother, but I'm not drunk enough to sleep in your mom's deathbed.
Yeah.
Why don't you just lock the doors,
I'll call you tomorrow.
Are you gonna be all right?
- Mhmm.
You gonna be all right? 
- Yup.
Yeah, you're gonna be all right.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Fuck.
These fucking things.
Am I supposed to fucking jump it?
Are you fucking retarded?
There's a hinge, man.
Fuck you, man.
Hey, uh, why don't you um, why don't you call up somebody for a sympathy fuck?
No, I'm good, dude.
All right.
I'm telling you, Evan, your mom just died.
You're only gonna get to use that one once.
I love you, brother.
Love you, dude.
I love you.
Condom?
Okay.
Um...
Uh...
Handsome picture.
I look like a hobo with smallpox.
You know I'm only here because I feel sorry for you, but this is a very nice picture, Evan Russell.
Thank you.
You're sitting on the condom.
Why do you have this?
Are you fucking whores in TJ?
What?
How did you even get to that?
My dad, he made me get one 'cause we were gonna go to Italy after I got back from college, but you know what happened.
How do you feel about me?
I just got sober all of a sudden.
I can't do this, I'm sorry.
Get out of town, Evan.
- Right now?
- Yeah.
My brother's a fuckup too and he took a break and he went to India and he totally recentered.
I just worked my way up to sous chef, though.
You didn't go to Berkeley to chop vegetables.
You sound like an elitist asshole.
I just, I'm not sober enough for this conversation.
Then let's have sex.
Mr. Russell.
Dispatch, I got no one at the house.
Fuck.
Hi, can I get a flight somewhere?
Anywhere.
I'm sorry, I'm really hungover.
Where would you go?
I don't know, like Canada or Europe or something?
White people love Italy?
Gotcha.
Book me on the next flight.
Or, when is the next flight?
Actually, hold on a second.
Should I go to Italy?
What?
You're a wizard, Harry.
A wizard.
So I says to him, I says, you can't fucking put the guy on the fence like that, 'cause it's fucking getting in the way of my apple trees.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry, yes, what?
Do you guys know where I can find an Italian phrasebook?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a bundle of them down there actually, pal.
Do you know who Courtney Reed is?
(sighs)
I know the name.
She's an old girlfriend of Ned's.
They met at Annapolis.
Why are you asking?
They were seeing each other.
McGEE: 
Your husband was a very wealthy man, Mrs. Wallace.
And we know that you signed a pre-nuptial agreement.
Yeah.
If you were divorced before your husband's death, you'd receive a fraction of what you're gonna get now.
Tell me, the morning of your husband's murder, where were you?
(laughs)
You think I had something to do with Ned's death?
I am not saying any more without a lawyer present.
I'm leaving.
I'll show you out.
Hey, Francis.
Hey. 
How's it going?
Fine.
Can I ask you a question, Bishop?
Sure.
You enjoy working for Gibbs?
I mean, I heard he's tough, real hard-ass.
He's standing right behind me, isn't he?
Yeah.
Don't you have someplace else to be, Francis?
Yes, sir.
Bishop...
Hmm?
You called me.
Yeah. 
Uh...
So we knew Courtney Reed wasn't using her credit cards.
On a hunch , I checked Commander Wallace's usage over the last few days.
Now, on the night before his murder, he booked an Annapolis motel room for a "Regina Lampert""
Regina Lampert?
You know her?
Yeah.
Well, it's an alias, boss.
How do you know that?
The 1963 film classic Charade, directed by Stanley Donen, starring Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn.
Audrey Hepburn's character's name was "Regina Lampert."
Hmm.
Uh, I called the motel, and a woman using that name and fitting Courtney Reed's description, checked into her hotel room two nights ago.
Hmm.
TONY: 
So she faked her own death?
You think she and the wife could be in on it together?
The wife say something?
No, no, she's lawyering up.
(phone ringing)
Uh, McGee's escorting her downstairs.
(ringing continues) (Tony chuckles)
Delilah, on the video chat.
Oh, my God!
You're very naked!
(Delilah screaming)
Uh, sorry.
Teach you not to answer other people's phones, DiNozzo.
Get McGee.
Go to the motel.
Get over it, McGee.
It was just a flash.
Exactly what was she flashing?
What did you see?
Enough to know you're a very lucky dude, McGee.
Let's leave it at that.
I'll talk to the manager and get a key.
Tony.
McGee, can you just leave it alone?
No, Tony, that's her.
Oh. 
Miss Reed, NCIS!
NCIS!
Stop!
TONY:
Go wide!
Excuse me. 
Excuse me.
Look out!
(tires screech)
Hey! 
Fool!
TONY:
Get her, McGee!
No! 
Don't! 
Stop!
TONY: 
Come on... come here...
No! 
No! 
Let me go!
No! 
No!
Wow.
No! 
Please!
Call the police!
We are the police.
Help!
If you calm down, we can take the cuffs off.
But you have to behave.
Look, I don't believe you are who you say you are.
Badges and I.D.'s can be faked.
I know who's after me.
Who's after you, Miss Reed?
I'm not going anywhere with you, okay?
I'm not leaving a public area.
(Tony sighs)
We found your car submerged in a river in Harford County, Maryland.
How'd you get to the motel room?
Your partner doesn't get it, does he?
I'm not telling you guys anything.
We know you called Lieutenant Commander Wallace and we know he booked your motel room for you.
You know about Ned?
No. 
No, no, no.
He told me not to talk to anyone, or tell anyone about anything, and I'm not going to.
He's dead.
I don't believe you.
Would you like a moment?
(trembling):
Mm-hmm.
He never got to see the president.
No.
(sighs)
You and the commander were close.
He was getting divorced.
We were going to get married.
COURTNEY: 
Colford-Webb has access to tens of thousands of highly classified government documents.
I discovered their computer system had a critical flaw which potentially could expose those documents to the public.
Their firewall has a false door that any hacker worth his salt could get into.
I went to my immediate superior, Bryce Tolson.
Mr. Tolson just wanted to make the fix and cover it up.
If data was compromised, the scope of what Colford-Webb had access to could make
WikiLeaks and Edward Snowden pale in comparison.
COURTNEY:
She's right.
Which is why I went above Tolson to the CEO, Richard Colford.
He seemed concerned and he assured me that he would get on it, but nothing was done.
If it ever became public knowledge, it would cost the company billions of dollars in government contracts and destroy its reputation.
I started getting paranoid.
Tolson was excluding me from meetings.
He took away my access to internal files.
I... 
I thought I was being followed.
I think that's when I made a tragic mistake.
What was that?
I called Ned from my office phone.
It must have been bugged.
That's what got him killed.
What did Commander Wallace say?
He suggested that I hide at my parents' cabin and not talk to anyone until he phoned.
I was on my way there when a car ran me off the road.
You get a look at it?
No.
It was pitch dark, I...
I almost drowned.
I don't even remember getting out of the car, I was just...
The... the current dragged me downstream and I...
I struggled to get on the bank.
Exhausted, I got to the farmhouse and I called Ned and he set me up at the motel room and... he told me that he would call me there, after he spoke to the president.
(whispering):
Told you it wasn't the wife.
Haven't lost my touch.
Tolson.
You're left-handed.
(chuckles) Special Agent Gibbs.
Any luck finding Courtney?
Oh, yeah.
TONY: 
I... 
I'm so, I'm so sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
It was a terrible mistake.
No, you're right, you're right.
It never should've happened.
Who's he talking to?
Delilah.
You're kidding.
No.
She was devastated.
He called to apologize.
Hm. 
You put him up to it?
Nope.
I understand how you must feel.
But I...
Delilah's one of those people you don't want to get on her bad side.
Ooh.
Sounds like you've been there.
Oh, yeah.
TONY:
I understand.
Loud and clear.
I have learned my lesson, Delilah.
Yeah.
Hey, Tim's right here.
You want to talk to him?
Okay. 
I'll...
I'll tell him.
Whew!
Glad that's over.
She said she'll... call you later.
We know what that means.
See, you didn't learn your lesson at all.
BISHOP: 
No.
He'll never change.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Hi.
Anybody seen Gibbs?
Uh... no.
Hey, you go out with the park ranger yet?
No.
Why not?
I can't put my finger on it.
Something just...
Maybe he's too good-looking.
Maybe that's my problem.
But you are gonna go out with him, aren't you?
Yeah.
Is something going on here that I don't know about, because Gibbs and Ducky are usually here by now, and I can't find either one of them.
WOMAN (over P.A.):
Dr. Olson, Dialysis.
Dr. Olson, Dialysis.
(muffled conversation)
Hi, Kayla.
Where's my father?
They just moved him from recovery to a private room.
Do you know anything yet?
Dr. Mallard's talking to the surgeon right now.
Please be good news.
(chuckles)
He's going to be fine.
Really?
There's... there's nothing wrong with him?
No, Kayla, nothing serious.
What is it?
Well, the biopsy revealed the spots on your father's lungs are not lymphoma, but rather sarcoidosis.
It's a viral condition that mimics cancer on CAT scans and X-rays.
So it's not cancer.
No.
Thank God.
It require treatment?
In most cases, no.
So... can I see him?
Daddy?
Kayla, why aren't you in school?
She overheard me talking to Dr. Mallard on the phone last night.
I thought she was asleep.
You should have told me.
I'm the woman of the house now.
I'm strong, like Mom was.
Did you tell your brother?
No, he's too young.
I didn't think he could handle it.
You are your mother.
Hey.
Hey, you.
How you feeling?
Mmm... a little sore from... from where they cut into me.
But I'm... 
I'm relieved.
You are gonna have to take it easy for a while.
Yeah, you better, Daddy.
I'll check in on him.
Make sure he does.
He gives me any trouble, I'll let you know.
Okay.
== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man

Oh, right.
Well, just tell whoever, then.
- Haaah!
Ooh! 
- Asshole!
Anyway, I'm off to Malibu to see Herb Kazzaz.
He has cancer, which, as you know, is a whole thing.
Plus, he hates me, so I could really use some good news at the end of the day.
Oh, my God. 
You're going to see Herb?
You must be really... 
Nope.
- Don't care. 
Not interested.
Okay, Good talk.
Hey.
- Ready for this?
- Listen.
I want to make sure I don't spend any time alone with Herb.
I'm bringing you along as my buffer.
And your memoirist.
I should meet your old best friend before he dies of cancer.
Fine, I guess.
Just don't abandon me.
No bathroom breaks.
And don't slip out of the room to text your fiancé a bunch of winky smileys with hearts next to them... 
Gross.
Congratulations on the whole being engaged thing,
- by the way.
- Thanks.
It's just starting to hit me.
I'm getting married.
Thank God I don't have to die alone.
- No offense.
- None taken.
Till you said, "No offense."
So what's the deal with you and this guy?
You never talk about him.
Well, I kind of, maybe stabbed him in the back.
Yeah, it's a bit of a story.
A story of power, betrayal, and ambitious hairstyles.
The year? 
198...
- Movie's over.
- Watch the next one.
Aw, I'm tired of watching movies.
- Do you want to play a game?
- Sure.
I spy with my little eye someone who needs to shut the hell up.
- Is it me?
- It's always you.
- Now, where was I?
- You were about to tell a story about you being a shitty friend, but then, we got interrupted by you yelling at Todd.
Oh, yeah. 
Shut up, Todd. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Generic '80s new wave ♪
♪ Beep, bop, beep, bop, beep, bop ♪
♪ This is a song from the '80s ♪
♪ The decade which it currently is ♪
Why do we need a kitchen and a bathroom?
Pipes are pipes, people.
Do we really need a toilet and a sink and a bathtub and... 
Wait, hold on...
A whole 'nother room with another sink?
They're all just holes to the ocean, lady.
I mean, come on. BoJack, you're late.
Here. 
I got you a beer. 
It's on the house.
Don't tell my boss.
Thanks, Charlotte, but one beer gets me tipsy.
I got to be clear-headed for my set.
Looks like Herb's killing.
Yeah, and the suits from ABC are here. 
Look. 
They're nodding.
That's the executive version of laughing.
Wow. 
They must be serious about Herb.
That's Angela Diaz.
She's the woman who made pantsuits a thing.
Oh, before I forget.
Herb and I are gonna see
Back to the Future again this weekend.
- Want to come?
- I'm in.
That movie was amazing, except for all the lame time period jokes.
We get it. 
The '50s were different.
I'll have a New Coke, please.
Listen, you guys don't need to include me on your dates.
Sometimes, it makes me feel like a third wheel.
BoJack, stop.
Without the third wheel, how would you ride a tricycle?
Wouldn't that make it a bicycle?
Herb Kazzaz, ladies and gentlemen. 
- Hey-ooh!
- Great set, man.
It's like everything you said was something
I've thought before but never had the balls to say.
Thanks, BJ. 
I set 'em up.
Now, you knock 'em down.
Let's give it up for BoJack Horseman.
- Well, thank you, Bubbles.
I love L.A. Don't you guys?
The prettiest girls in the world flock to this city, and they end up with total knobs.
Take this couple, for example. 
Excuse me, miss. 
Is that your date?
He's my husband.
That's your husband? 
You can do better.
Give me a call after the show.
- I'm just kidding around.
I'm not kidding around. 
Ugh.
Maker's Manhattan? 
2:00 P.M.?
Not judging.
That guy tipped me a quarter.
That's barely enough money to buy three gallons of gas.
- You want a slug?
- No, I got to stay sharp.
I got another audition this afternoon.
God, I can't wait till I'm finally up for real jobs instead of these dumb commercials.
"Here's the thing about most long-distance plans."
Ugh. 
I hate when people say that.
- "Here's the thing." 
- It's so stupid.
Just say the thing.
You don't need to introduce the concept that there's going to be a thing.
I don't expect to be offered Secretariat right away, but when am I gonna be up for real roles?
We'll get there, BJ. 
We both will.
In fact, if I play my cards right,
I might get there real soon.
Wait.
- Did the guys from ABC call?
- Uh-huh.
They invited me to some hotshot event at LACMA this weekend.
I'm gonna pitch 'em a TV show while they're drunk.
An off-the-clock, non-work-related social event?
That's the perfect time to pitch a TV show.
You're brilliant.
These people are so fancy.
Look, look, look. 
Hey, hey, look.
That's Joyce DeWitt, isn't it?
That's Joyce DeWitt.
And that's Angela Diaz.
And that's Ubu, the guy who sits.
- He is a good dog.
Guys, don't take your eyes off the prize.
We need to fill Charlotte's bag with these mini quiches.
This is our breakfast for June.
- Herb Kazzaz.
- Shit, we're busted.
- Pretend you don't speak English.
Buongiorno. 
Bon Jovi.
Salutations. 
Crap, that's English.
Hey, you mind if I steal this superstar for a second?
Okay, yeah. 
I'll catch you two later.
Stay out of trouble. 
Oh, ho.
Well, there he goes.
Herb's about to hit the big time, and I'm just gonna be a small-fry doing tiny commercials and eating mini quiches.
You're dead wrong.
You're gonna be a big success.
Herb says that to me all the time.
- He thinks the world of you.
- He does?
Yeah, I'm not worried about if you'll become a star.
I'm more worried about how you'll change when it happens.
Like, you think I'll get fat?
No, that's not what I'm talking about.
So you're saying I definitely
- won't get fat?
- No.
Well, make up your mind, lady.
Look over there. 
See those tar pits?
Hollywood's a real pretty town that's smack on top of all that black tar.
By the time you realize you're sinking, it's too late.
Wait, is this a science lesson?
No, BoJack, it's a metaphor.
- Ugh, that's worse.
- BoJack, I'm moving to Maine.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. 
Really?
- Does Herb know?
- Yeah.
I don't think I'm the person Herb's looking for.
I'm going to miss you, Charlotte.
Hey, do you ever wonder what would have happened if you'd met me before Herb did?
Would you have made a move on me?
- Charlotte...
- I don't think you would have.
You know why?
I think you're a coward.
Now go stuff some prosciutto in your pants before that Webster kid takes it all. 
I love this town.
Why did you bring me to Griffith Park?
Are we gonna get in a knife fight like in Rebel Without a Cause?
- I hate that title.
- He had several causes.
I wanted to give you this.
Look out at that city.
What do you see?
Wow, I didn't realize there were so many day hookers.
I see a city that you and I will run someday, and when we're both famous and have everything we've ever wanted, we'll come back here together and high five.
I'm not fully on board with this new high five thing.
What ever happened to the low five?
Give me some skin.
BJ, listen. 
I got a call from ABC today.
They bought my TV pitch.
What? 
That's amazing.
- What's the show?
- It's called Horsin' Around.
Well, good luck on your rocket ship to the top without me.
No, BoJack, the show's about a horse, and I told those suits if they want my show, then that horse is gonna be BJ Goddamn Horseman.
- Oh, my God.
- And they said, "No."
- Oh.
- And I said, "Please?"
And they said, "Okay."
So, what do you say?
- Want to be my star?
- Seriously?
Of course I do. 
Of course, Herb.
Jesus Christ, thank you.
Mm-hmm... 
Whoa, whoa.
I think you got the wrong idea here.
- Yeah, no, man. 
Whoa.
- Herb, I'm not...
Me either. 
No, I just... 
You know,
- I caught up in the moment.
- Yeah, no, I gotcha.
BJ, can you believe it?
We're gonna make an actual TV show!
One that takes an unflinching look at the gritty reality of the American family.
Just kidding. 
Let's get rich!
Yeah. ♪ Generic '90s grunge song ♪
♪ Everyone in flannel ♪
♪ Generic '90s grunge song ♪
♪ Something from Seattle ♪
Why would I say, "You'll never get me in that sweater" in this scene and then, in the very next scene,
I'm wearing the sweater?
Did my character suddenly forget that he didn't want to wear the sweater?
No, see, that's actually the joke.
Don't explain the joke to me.
I just don't understand how it's a joke.
So you do want me to explain it to you?
I want you to add a scene showing how I changed my mind about the sweater so the goddamn episode makes sense.
Look at me, doing your job for you.
Way to go, Shakespeare.
BJ, you're doing the scene as written.
What happened to the stories I requested?
Where's my rap? 
You said you'd write me a rap.
We're working on it.
We just need a rhyme for "and I'm here to say."
Well, what about giving me Rollerblades?
How are people gonna know that my character is hip if he doesn't roll the blade?
Just get out there and do your job.
Every one of your ideas is stupid or racist.
That was one pitch, and I didn't say they're all thieves.
But if you're too scared to start a national dialogue, maybe I'll take my ideas home.
Good luck making Horsin' Around without the horse.
BoJack, hon.
That audience out there traveled from all over the country just to taste some of your magic.
Do you really want to disappoint them?
Okay, Sharona.
I'll go out and jerk this limp script until it gets hard, but I'm not doing it for Herb.
I'm doing it for the fans.
And your 30K an episode.
Let's give it up for BoJack Horseman!
And there better be some Zimas in my dressing room after the show. 
Wait a minute. 
This isn't the bar.
I got to fire my assistant. 
You guys sound like you're ready for a show. 
Oh, gross. 
Why do I keep trying to like Zima? 
- Talk to me, world.
- BoJack, it's Princess Carolyn.
How are you doing today?
Well, I'll tell you my problem.
- I just keep getting handsomer.
Good problems to have.
Hold for a sec.
I've got your agent on the line.
BoJack Goddamn Horseface.
I got some news so good, you'll goddamn kiss me.
Put it here. 
Put it here.
What's the role you've been dying to play your whole life, besides Kathy Ireland's bathing suit?
Ha-ha. 
She is attractive.
Good God, when I die, bury me in Kathy Ireland.
Uh, Marv? 
Marv?
What's the big news?
Secretariat!
It's happening, and it's down to you and Val Kilmer for the title role.
That's amazing.
Thank you. 
Thank you.
Now, listen.
I don't want to see you in any more tabloids.
Keep your head down and your nose clean.
Now, I gotta go.
I got a lunch with MC Skat Kat.
Scandal breaking today surrounding the family sitcom, Horsin' Around.
Oh, God. 
What did I do this time?
Herb Kazzaz, the show's creator, was caught tonight in an LAPD sting
- on public indecency.
- Wha...
Police say Mr. Kazzaz was caught in the middle of lewd acts with another man.
Conservative groups have been quick to organize.
Horsin' Around is a show for kids.
My family should be able to watch those nubile preteens without men like perv Kazzaz flaunting their alternative lifestyles and ruining America.
Sheeeiiiiit.
BoJack, I gotta tell ya.
- I'm gay.
- No doy.
I know we haven't been close for the past couple years.
Okay, I'm gonna hold back my "No doys"
because there might be a lot.
But you know me, right?
You know that I'm a good guy.
They're gunning for me at the network, and if I get kicked off this, I won't recover.
I need to know that you've got my back.
If you threaten to walk, they'll listen to you.
Herb, you picked the worst possible time to...
Hey, you know I wouldn't ask if I didn't need it.
Come on, BoJack.
How'd we get so far apart, huh? You know what? 
You can count on me, Herb.
I mean, I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you.
I knew it! 
I knew you'd come through.
And when this is all over, we're going to drive back up to Griffith Park.
I still owe you that high five, right?
Hey, this is a dumb question, but do you guys ever, like, all link up together and do, like, a party train or a fun circle?
'Cause I feel like I'd be doing that all the...
Never mind. 
Stupid question.
Feel stupid for asking that. 
Go right ahead.
And then it goes, "I like healthy gums in a major way."
See, that's what I'm talking about.
That's great.
We just gotta make sure that we work in the phrase
"toothbrush rap" early, so they know I'm rapping.
BoJack, can we chat for a second?
Ugh. 
Here we go. 
It's the big one.
I'm not gonna waste your time with small talk because you work for me, and your time is my time.
We're letting Herb go.
- You can't do that.
- "I can't do that."
I'm not asking you. 
It's nothing personal.
I like Herb. 
I think he's a good guy.
But this is a business, and every day we don't fire him, we're flushing money
- down the crapper.
- Well, if he goes, I go.
"Well, if he goes, you go." I wouldn't do that.
BoJack, I think you're a star, and sometimes being a star means making tough choices.
You can storm out, make a big show out of what a "good" friend you are, or you could be the guy who does his job.
- Angela...
- I'll tell you when it's your turn to talk again.
Look, you're a star, but this is really just the beginning of the BoJack Horseman story.
You can choose whatever path you want, but I'll tell you right now.
You don't win awards and you don't get to be on the covers of magazines and you don't get to play the lead role in the Secretariat movie by being a good friend.
What's that old expression about how the show must go on?
Oh, right. 
It's "Don't be an idiot."
So what do you think, BoJack?
That's a courtesy question.
I already know what you think because I have conversations like this one five times a day.
I know who you are, and I know you've already made your decision.
But if you want to surprise me, now's the time to do it.
That's what I thought.
You're doing the right thing. 
I know it's hard.
But if Herb's really your friend, he'll understand.
Now, you've got a show to put on, so I'll let you get ready.
This was a good conversation. 
Productive.
If you're lucky, I'll never talk to you again. 
You folks ready for a show? 'Cause I think a certain someone might show up any second. 
- Wait a minute.
This isn't the bar.
I gotta fire my assistant. 
So what ended up happening with Secretariat?
Went into turnaround.
I don't totally know what "turnaround" means,
- but they never made the movie.
- Whoa.
This house is way bigger than yours.
Herb's done really well for a guy you dicked over.
- Oh, no. 
Ah.
- That's enough out of you.
Stay out here and turn this car around in case we need to leave in a hurry.
Hooray. 
A task. BoJack! 
Well.
Jesus, you look shitty.
Have you been eating your guilt this whole time? Yeah, you don't look so hot yourself, Herb.
I have cancer.
And hello. 
Who's this stunning creature?
And what string of bad decisions has placed you in BoJack's orbit?
- Uh...
- This is Diane.
She's writing a book about me.
Pleasure to meet you.
Is your book called, Portrait of an Asshole?
I kid.
It's funny, because he ruined my life.
I joke. 
It's what I do.
Please, come in.
You're letting out all the cancer.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha...
Almost. 
Ah...
Almost there.
Come on... ah.
- Oh, thanks. 
Thanks.
BoJack, how are your utensils?
- Uh, they're fine.
- Are you sure?
Because if that knife ain't sharp enough,
I got another that you left in my back 20 years ago.
- Could have seen that coming.
Who asks about utensils?
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Nope. 
No, you are not.
Uh.
Oh. 
Ow. 
Almost. 
- Drive, drive, drive!
- Oh. 
Oh, no.
I can't turn the car around.
I've been trying to do this three-point turn forever.
I mean, it's more like a 300-point turn.
- Am I right, huh?
- Hee hee hee hee!
Hey, we've got two sacks of Kardashian swag and the fuzz on our heels.
You think this is Driver's Ed, you hat-wearing pussy?
Drive the goddamn car! Hey, Herb, is that your Vitamix?
BoJack has one, too.
I wonder if you guys have strong opinions about it one way or the other.
Well, the stupid thing was like 600 bucks.
I have used mine a grand total of zero times.
I got it a month before I was diagnosed with cancer.
I don't give a shit about being healthy anymore.
I don't even have cancer, and I don't use it.
- So who's it for?
- Exactly.
What is so great about liquids?
Every article I read now is "juice this" and "juice that."
You know why? 
Juice controls the media.
- Hey-ooh.
Can't this thing go any faster?
Uh, I'm going as fast as I can. 
Do you want me to get out? 
Try to guide you?
No, I think I'm almost there.
You're doing a great job.
Kenzie, stop talking to him.
Why? 
He's being nice.
Remember the number one rule of the Celebrity Stealing Club...
- "No falling in love." 
- Ugh.
That's your rule for every club.
It's a good rule.
Whoa. 
Whoa, guys.
I'm sensing a lot of hostility here.
Maybe we should take our masks off and actually talk.
You want me to take my mask off? 
Fine.
Happy? 
I took my mask off.
Did you?
Because I think you're still wearing a mask.
Oh.
Oh, my God, Herb, you met President Clinton?
Oh, yeah. 
Many times.
Did you think that I spent the last 20 years on my couch just feeling sorry for myself?
I mean, I did do that, but I also started... a charity to bring clean water to millions of children in Sub-Saharan Africa.
Oh, wow.
I presented at the Teen Choice Awards.
Wait, is that Charlotte?
Yeah, yeah. 
We kept in touch.
You should actually give her a call.
I'm sure she'd love to hear from you.
She looks good for someone so old.
She's three years younger than you.
- Exactly!
- Er?
Well, guys, I'm pretty beat.
I think I need to head off to bed, and I hope I actually wake up later. 
And it was actually nice to see you, BoJack.
You can see yourselves out. "Juice controls the media."
I love it.
So I guess in a sense
I'm running away from the cops, but I feel like in another, truer sense,
I'm running away from myself.
- Truth. 
Truth.
- Whoa.
Kenzie, do you have anything to share?
Just how amazing it feels to finally be honest for once.
I could live a million lives, and I'd never forget this one afternoon.
Word.
You know, I act all cool and sophisticated on the outside, but on the inside, I'm just Todd, you know?
But thanks to you guys, I think I'm finally
- ready to let my guard down.
- Do you hear that?
- He's letting his guard down.
- Let's get him!
- Oh!
Celebrity Stealing Club strikes again. 
This... 
This just doesn't feel right.
I should have brought a bottle of wine.
That's what adults do. 
BoJack, damn it.
Is that what's bothering you,
- that you didn't bring wine?
- You're right.
I just would have drunk it on the way here.
This isn't about wine, BoJack.
If you have something you need to say to someone, you should do it while you have the chance because before you know it, it'll be too late.
Is this one of those things where we're talking about Herb but we're actually talking about something else?
- No, I was talking about Herb.
- Okay, good. 
Yeah, me, too.
Hey, buddy!
You come back for that Vitamix, you... Ooh, you should get that looked at.
Yeah. 
I've been meaning to see a doctor.
Hey, I wanted to talk to you about... you know.
I feel bad about what happened.
So you're apologizing.
Yes. 
I'm sorry.
Okay. 
I don't forgive you.
Herb, I said I'm sorry.
Yeah, and I do not forgive you.
Uh... not sure you get what's happening here.
This could be the last time that you...
No. 
I'm not gonna give you closure.
You don't get that.
You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life.
You have to know that it's never, ever going to be okay.
I really think that we'd both
- feel better if we just...
- I'm dying.
I'm not gonna feel better, and I'm not gonna be your prop so you can feel better.
You have to believe me.
- I did everything I could.
- Yeah?
Then why didn't you call me? 
Huh?
20 years... 
You didn't call me.
Look, I... 
I wanted to, but I didn't think...
You know what it was like for me?
I had nobody. 
Everybody left.
I knew all those showbiz phonies would turn on me.
Sure. 
But you?
It's not my fault you got fired.
I don't care about the job!
I did fine. 
I had a good life.
But what I needed then was a friend, and you abandoned me.
And I will never forgive you for that.
Now, get the fuck out of my house.
I... Hey, this is a dumb question, but the gay thing and the rectal cancer thing aren't related, are they?
- Get out of here!
- Never mind.
Stupid question. 
Forget I brought it up.
- Huh.
- Hey, BJ.
- Put that back, asshole!
- No, you gave this to me.
- No! BoJack?
What are you doing? 
Get off him.
The show was never the same after I left. 
Admit it.
Some people prefer the later years.
- BoJack. 
Come on.
- Thank you for inviting us.
You have a lovely home.
You know what your problem is?
You want to think of yourself as the good guy.
Well, I know you better than anyone, and I can tell you that you're not.
In fact, you'd probably sleep a lot better at night if you just admitted to yourself that you're a selfish goddamn coward who takes whatever he wants and doesn't give a shit about who he hurts.
That's you. 
That's BoJack Horseman.
I don't know why I came here.
Yeah. 
You do. 
You said you wanted a job.
It doesn't matter. 
Nothing matters.
Wow. 
What happened in Malibu?
- I gotta go.
Hey, bright side.
At least now you have a good story to tell at his funeral.
Ugh, God.
I'm not trying to kill the vibe here, but I've had to pee for, like, three hours. 
Look, I won't put what happened today in the book if you don't want me to.
No, it's okay.
Full truth like we agreed.
Warts and all.
It doesn't matter anyway.
I don't even care what anybody thinks anymore.
Well, for what it's worth,
I think it took a lot of guts to do what you did back there. 
- Mmm...
- Mm! ♪ Back in the '90s ♪
♪ I was in a very famous TV show ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ I'm BoJack the horse ♪ - ♪ BoJack ♪
♪ BoJack the horse ♪
♪ Don't act like you don't know ♪
♪ ♪
♪ And I'm trying to hold on to my past ♪
♪ It's been so long ♪
♪ I don't think I'm gonna last ♪
♪ I guess I'll just try ♪
♪ And make you understand ♪
♪ That I'm more horse than a man ♪
♪ Or I'm more man than a horse ♪
♪ BoJack ♪
It's a Kazzaz-trophe.

The 7.39 
- Episode 1
Translation from Italian to English: 
Zenart
I'll finish 'with missing the train.
Ryan, I thought I Free Monday '.
Puzzero 'of this stuff all day, now.
- Cat Food, smells.
- 'Cause I do that?
I'm getting gray.
- You like me, tingili.
- No, I speak not only of the hair.
Even his beard. 
Look at me.
My skin seems stucco, I look exhausted.
Well, my guest whenever you want.
Ryan, do you mind if I take a shower alone? 
Nothing? 
Okay, hello.
I told you not to put nothing in it during the cycle.
It 'a wash cycle, no?
Then is not 'more' ecological if you have to start it twice.
And you could leave it alone the thermostat, please?
See you tonight!
Hello!
A more 'late!
There 'no?
There 'no?
That's fine.
I have to pump the total body 10:30 and fit boxing at lunch time.
- Enjoy a fit boxing. 
Big suffer.
- OK.
- I'm going to fight for a spot.
- Give him a good kick in the shins.
- I love you.
- I love you.
No.
- I love you.
- I have to go.
I know.
- See you later.
- See you later.
Subspedia Our subtitles for your TV shows
Binary one for the train of 7:39 Direct...
Here we go. 
Get out your elbows.
And on this train 'service available of drinks and light refreshments.
This train arrives at London Waterloo station.
Excuse me, this and 'my place.
- Excuse me, and 'booked?
- I just put my jacket.
- I do not think booked.
- No book, in fact.
- And that would be his place 'cause?
- I've seen it before.
- The book has with its magical look?
- I was putting his jacket and and 'stuck.
- I have not "stuck." 
- Slipped, entered surreptitiously.
- It 's not true, I'm just sitting.
- There are no rules, education,
- Otherwise it all becomes a mess.
- No need to shout.
I'm not yelling, but I could do less than all of this on Monday '...
- It's okay. 
If it takes.
- No, no, no.
If you wish so 'so I get up.
I go down to the next.
- For real?
- Yes it is. '
It 'sure? 
Thank you, and 'very kind.
What a nice person.
Thank you, very kind.
- Thank you.
- It ', thank you.
Cosi 'are all more' happy.
Next stop, the end of the race.
London Waterloo Station.
Change here for the Metro service.
Remember to take effect yourself before you get off the train.
Some drowned?
No.
But it 's soon.
Who 'which leaves the patches in the pool?
They are men.
With warts and athlete's feet.
Nice trip, eh?
A guy yelled at me for have taken its place special.
I swear I will make commuting a day kill me ', Kerry.
Stand for two hours a day to smell the armpits of the people, and then return home to Ryan and talk about confetti.
Let's talk about work.
I love ...
Working. 
Who likes it your work here?
On Monday 'morning I wake up with a smug idiot because 'can' see the your beautiful faces alarms.
The Day of the Banks? 
Loss of time.
Easter, who has special?
I like to have goals, deadlines. 
I love it.
But maybe some of you not have noticed...
And that 'a competitive market.
And if anyone here thinks he can star sitting watching videos of cats...
While the properties' of 650 square meters of our customers are still empty...
A Leyton, this warehouse in Uxbridge...
Then you are wrong.
These leases pay your rent.
Sorry...
Blame the Jubilee Line.
Did you stop to take coffee ', Martin.
Well...
I lost my train of thought.
We're done.
Try to...
Commit, OK?
Watch it.
He can not even drink the coffee '.
And 'one of yours, is not' it?
- It 'a dead man walking, Carl.
- Seriously?
What? 
Do you want me...
Would you mind very much?
We can not give a written warning?
Another one?
She just had a baby.
If you are really worried, of 'that' my fault.
No.
Responsibility 'and' mine.
"With great power comes great responsibility '. "From that film and' it?
- I do not know, sorry.
- Spider-Man.
By the end of the week...
Please.
Candles and a live band.
It 's your own bistro.
- What is' this, exactly?
- Fra Martino, I think.
No, I mean this black stuff on the fish.
Tapenade.
I know that seems to have sunk an oil tanker in the pot, but you can remove it with a knife, I have done so '.
No, I like it. 
Sa of the Mediterranean.
- I need another violin.
- Where 'our beloved son?
- At rehearsal.
- Oh, Christ. 
Not again.
I was able to take off Equus from the head.
I said I need a violin again.
- And how much cost me '?
- I do not know, 400 pounds?
- I'm not made? 
of money, Charlotte.
- This' bad.
Oh, and 'this is the problem?
What do you say to relax a little ', Master?
I'd pay L 400 to not let him use.
What is wrong '?
It costs a bit ', but the good thing and 'we can do throughout the wedding in the same place.
Sal?
They canceled a reservation and we have precedence.
It 'a gigantic castle, Ryan.
You think it's too much?
Not if we are attacked by the Vikings, but it is just to get married.
"Solo".
See, I have already 'made? 
a wedding in style.
The pipes and smoked salmon for two hundred, and I hated every second.
Not with me! 
You were not marrying me.
Exactly what 'I mean.
You know, time and 'different.
You know what I'd like?
You and I...
We intrufoliamo office registers on a Saturday afternoon.
I do not want to sneak.
I want the whole world to know it.
You ', I want it too.
I just do not want them at the reception.
Do not do it for the fun, you know,
I do it 'cause I want it's perfect.
And it will be '.
Context only the need a drawbridge.
Oh, come on, do not sulk.
Please.
Let's go to bed.
Dormiamoci on, okay?
I screamed at the woman on the train, present day. 
Like a madman.
Here's what they are.
The fool on the train.
You're tired, that's all.
And it 's only Monday'.
Come on. 
Just you and me.
In a place that is not the evening their parents or the school play.
There are places so '?
We meet in London, get a room, go to dinner, to dance.
In a nightclub?
A special room for the elderly.
Glen Miller and orthopedic chairs.
I do not dance from our wedding.
The day the music died '.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
I've said it a thousand times, you have to wash the dishes before putting them inside.
See you later.
Yesterday 'was completely out of place.
I do not want to discuss it at all yet.
No, me neither. 
I just wanted to apologize.
And 'this trip, makes people nervous.
Especially me Monday 'morning.
Veins popping on my head, tingling down his left arm.
- I too have been a bit 'sharp.
- You ', it was terrifying.
But he was right. 
He had the Holy Grail:
seat in the right direction, near the exit, big table.
It 's like a lifeboat of the Titanic,
- Must fight for it.
- I'll keep 'in mind.
- See you soon.
- See you soon.
- We're going in the same direction.
- Gia '.
- A little 'awkward.
- Yes it is. '
How long...
Four weeks.
I've never been so 'young and naive?
So, old man, how long?
Twelve years without parole.
Five weeks off for good behavior.
Usually in Portugal.
I let it go.
I'll see you tomorrow at 7:39.
Do not be found on the my seat, right?
Just kidding. 
Sorry.
What can I do?
I am on business.
It ', I know. 
Listen...
I'll try 'to go home soon.
Yes it is. '
As soon as possible you '.
Yes it is. 'can we talk about more 'late, please?
That's fine.
Train to London Waterloo.
Excuse me, that and 'busy.
It 'a colleague, we have an appointment.
OK.
Thank you.
How '?
That's nice.
- Do you know him?
- Yes it is. '
Well, I saw it on TV.
Me too.
I saw her read yesterday and inspired me.
Some people here do only pretend to read to avoid having to talk.
I brought Harry Potter for five years.
So if you want to be left alone, okay.
No, no, not 'so'.
I thought, now that I do the commute, read books that I would had to read in school.
But I'm stuck at the same page for ten days.
It 'seems a bit' distracted.
For real?
And 'one that gets thrown under a train?
- Well, who could blame her?
- Excuse me, I told her the ending.
Oh, I do not think of making it to the end.
- Not if I disorder.
- I do not is disturbing.
If the alarm would owe a little 'before, could do it at home.
- Sometimes I make up on the train.
- Well, that 'permission, right?
Do not cut your toenails.
No, that exceeds the limits.
Really talk with someone and 'a change.
- I thought it was against the rules.
- Lo '.
What will be, 250 days a year?
Two and a half hours per day, let's say 600 hours, for days of 16 hours, sleep excluded, are...
Thirty-seven days in the year this train, with these people.
Can not 'be.
One year in every ten. 
And 'more' what steps with my children.
I do not know the name of anyone.
I listen to their phone calls...
I see them eating and sleeping,
I see them drunk.
Sometimes we make a gesture or we complain of the time, but we do not know. 
Not really.
Gia '. 
It 'depressing.
Gia '.
Sally.
Sally Thorn.
Here's a real name.
Carl Matthews. 
Well, Carl.
- Now we're in trouble.
- Gia '.
I did not want to leave London.
I told him: "And art galleries, the restaurants, the theaters?"
And then...
Ryan pointed out to me that we never went to the theater.
- Your husband?
- Boyfriend.
However, and 'quite a shift for a room in school 'and a garden.
- Do you have children?
- We're trying.
Very much.
But this was not need to know that.
On the other hand, if you are the owner 900 square feet to fill, want a long-term lease, and this uncertain market is not going to happen '.
I have to go. 
My work and 'this way.
Oh, sorry. 
I'm bored.
No, not at all! 
I want to know more '.
Which train will go away?
18:49 and not that of ' bad if salts before, you know?
Supports your things, eat chips and you can find a place twice.
- Another useful tip.
- Yeah ', I have so many.
See you there '.
No porn in office Mr. Matthews.
The customer 'here.
Any idea for departure Our friend Martin?
I give it until Friday '.
If you say so...
We are approaching at the next stop.
Please take all objects when you leave the train.
Hey, hey.
We're almost there.
Thank you.
How long do I...
From Waterloo...
You seemed so 'quiet I did not want to bother you.
- I have not drooled, right?
- No.
- Keep Calm.
- I'll '.
Do not let him preach, do not tell him "I'm not made of money."
Do not get angry, be delicate.
I know how to talk with my son.
Sometimes not.
- So why 'do not you do?
- I did, and 'your turn.
I must warn you, was lighting the candles.
I'm learning the lines.
Of what?
Brecht.
Bertolt Brecht.
Verstehst sowieso Du nicht.
Okay, well...
If you came to do something else orientation, not gonna change 'idea.
No, not 'what I want.
I just want you to think better.
And make me change my mind.
Well, not 'exactly professional, no, Adam?
Acting and '...
You could not play as a hobby?
The world 'out and' cruel, Adam.
I see it every day.
I see 50 guys want the same job.
Even graduates.
You know, it's not 'economic...
- If you do not want to contribute...
- No, I do not care what, purche 'there is a job decent in the end.
Like yours, you mean?
No, not like mine.
And do not be...
I'm trying...
I know.
But that 's what I want to do.
You know, we now have the electricity ', Shakespeare.
You just have to press this switch.
Watch.
Do not burn the house, that's all.
Acting...
I had this nightmare in which way an afternoon in Covent Garden and and 'them', painted silver.
It was their property.
I love him the same, you know...
It 's just a...
Small crowds presumptuous.
Going through a phase of art.
- We all have an artistic phase.
- I did not.
I had a stage for computers.
I've always wanted be a ballerina.
For real.
Contemporary, classical, tap, modern.
It was rare to see me without Tights up to 19 years.
And then what 'happened?
The real life.
I always wanted to be a cook. 
I mean...
Not really a true cook, you know?
Only someone who knew how to cook the chips really good.
Maggie and I were talking about it.
We talked about taking a small restaurant or a pub outside of London.
Well, what stopped you?
The children, the money...
The fear. 
You know, the same thing, real life.
I still can not believe you're so ' old to have a child of 17 years.
Well, we started early, you know?
I do not know 'cause I'm surprise.
And 'much less strange to me that I have a boyfriend at my age '.
I thought that someone had arraffata long time ago, that's all.
Arraffata and returned.
I was a divorcee.
Now have a girlfriend.
What 'happened?
If it is not 'too personal.
One more time.
So what? 
We live close by.
No, I'm of the 'in reality'.
About a mile and a half.
Hey, hold... a mint...
For breath alcohol.
An old trick from commuters.
See you tomorrow morning.
You know, actually, 'I was going to...
'Go ahead.
You'd tell me if it was inappropriate, right?
You ', I would.
E 'for your gym.
You know, I...
All alcohol and crisps and being seated, they begin to bear fruit.
I would back a little 'vitality'.
- If you do not think is a bad idea?
- No.
No, the new members are We always welcome.
- Great.
- You I book an assessment.
For Monday '?
Well, who will consider me '?
The lighthouse 'me.
- Unless you do not want someone...
- No, no, that's okay. 
It 's just that, you know...
I would like an advantage.
- I'll give 'my e-mail.
- There 'on the site.
I mean, I think, there 'on the site, right?
It ', there is' on the site.
I can not wait to hear from you.
OK.
Gentile, sad and alone.
- You're not selling well, Sal.
- I'm not trying to "sell".
And what does Ryan?
What Ryan has to do with this?
Well, if there 'anything wrong, 'cause not tell him.
Just 'cause we're getting married does not have to know everything about me.
But it '.
I think this is the point, honey.
Ryan. 
Can I at least take off my jacket?
Not tonight, Ryan, please.
I have a headache from zumba.
I canceled the castle.
Did you?
No white horses, no helicopter, no bagpipes.
Just me... and you.
- Oh, I love you.
- Gia '.
What 'this...
Terrible music?
My new playlist!
For legs, butts and bellies.
Legs, bums and bellies. 
So help me God.
I did the trick, however.
There 's hope, right?
You know, Ryan, many men do not want the pregnant brides on their wedding day.
I will '.
Fantastico.
A small fetus as a bridesmaid.
It 'image disturbing.
Well...
We can not wait.
E 'in this room that serves in more'.
So this is not 'a Official notice?
No, I'm afraid it is not, no.
Of course we will pay you until the end of the month.
Bryony has nine months.
I know. 
It 'just that...
If you do not and 'reactive
- If the job does not go well...
- I can be, will be 'so'.
We're up all night. 
Are melted,
- For this I...
- E 'only, not'...
I can not go home and tell her this.
We just got an apartment.
- If there is' something I can do...
- Do not fire me?
No, I say to references, put in a good word?
- You can avoid fire me.
- Do not depend on me.
And then 'decision someone else? 
Who?
- E 'of Findlay?
- No, no, '... and' not my fault.
"My fault"?
Fuck you, Carl.
It seems right.
He took me to the cafeteria student, who was self-service.
We were there ', side by side, with our trays, little conscious, and said: "You can take what 'you want."
"The soup and a loaf of bread, second,
- Pudding, served well." 
- I never said anything like that.
We caught cod in parsley sauce and I thought,
"Oh, and 'to marry."
"Not to have it escape." And it was, so help me God.
Just 'cause you know, lighthouse' late one evening a week from now on.
- Oh, why?
- He has a mistress.
Adam, I'm eating.
In reality, 'I started going to the gym.
Perfect.
Ok, screwdriver.
Scalpel, forceps, a nurse, I dry the sweat!
This' star.
I... 
I need to cross.
- A fire of 'the grill.
- I have not! 
Nothing grill!
- The BBQ I do not like. 'Cause...
- It must be nice hot...
- E 'burnt food, basically.
- We would first to put the sausages on a radiator.
- So, can I go now?
- I have not! 
What's 'so' urgent?
- It 's just a party!
- Do not ask them to come,
I'm just curious.
I try to make conversation
- With my favorite son.
- Can I go too?
Look, I'm trying to cook dinner for everyone.
However, know 'from paraffin.
You know 'cause he does not want place the grid?
- The grid represents the failure.
- Want to give it a rest, Adam?
For heaven's sake, the whole week I go up and down 'in train and everything 'I want' just a evening of conversation with my children.
No: "I do not like" and:
"Can I go now?"
I ask too much?
It 'something too weird?
So 'madly insane?
Paraffin.
It is me?
No, it 's never for you.
- E 'for the boys, then?
- No, not even for the kids...
I'm alone...
I'm exhausted, that's all.
E 'for fifteen years you're tired.
In fact.
- I, too, work hard, you know.
- I know, I know.
I do not know if you've noticed, stress is not missing
- And I can not take it with me guys.
- I know, I know and I appreciate it.
Look, come here.
I apologize '. 
OK?
Maybe we need a vacation.
Then we would still have to go home.
My God, Carl...
It 'just that...
I'd like a plain and simple family life. 
That's it.
There you have it.
Our and the '.
Will you promise me one thing?
Never ever...
Do it again the barbecue.
No.
Carl... can I talk to you for a minute?
- Oh, I'm going away.
- For real? 
How so?
Job Interview?
No, Charlotte. 
Essay at school.
- Do not serve this wives?
- Boar 'before tomorrow.
This' work part-time.
We close at 18:15.
If you arrive at 18:00, could do...
- Hello. 
Can I help you?
- Yup '...
My name is Carl Matthews. 
I have to do evaluation with Sally Thorn.
The famous Carl.
- Excuse me?
- You ', I'll use it now. 
Thank you.
- Mr. Matthews.
- Miss Thorn.
Here's how it works.
You sign up and for a while 'come four times a week, then three, then two, then once a week.
Then rarely, but you feel guilty and do not think to cancel subscription, so '...
We keep your money until ' do not give up shamefully.
Where do I sign?
Here and here.
Sorry!
- Here you go.
- Okay.
Do you exercise?
Well... 
I...
- I run to catch the train.
- I've never seen.
Agree. 
So... 
I play football.
A football player? 
When?
In 1983.
Weekly consumption of alcohol?
A glass of wine is two units'.
I fill the basket garbage, so...
- How many will they be? 
Twenty?
- I would add tens.
Just so you do not breathing Mouth to mouth at the first stop,
- Some medical problem?
- I do not know, maybe.
I started with these noises when I get up.
And if I sit down quickly, I jump a button.
Grind my teeth at night and... 
I wake up with the clenched fists, but...
Agree.
We can begin.
Do not go insane with this music?
Played for nine hours straight?
At night, when I close my eyes, I only hear "-unc unc unc-"!
Come on, continues so '.
So, what do you think?
I like the face that you do under stress.
As if I had a calculation!
Touching, really.
Sure you can not lift it.
- Let's talk about something else.
- No, you can not do.
- It 'really childish.
- Come on, then.
- I do not want to embarrass you.
- Proof. 
A beer that you can not do.
It 's not professional.
Do not believe it!
Well, I did all the others, no?
Ok, you can stop.
We just offer 'one beer.
Incredible. 
Are you a mason or something.
Thank you.
Next time I will assess' swimming. 
Can you swim?
Never seen an otter in action?
Should I take you home?
No, I can look after myself.
I noticed! 
you may break me all the bones.
Hope I did not come to that.
You know I have made?
Friends on the train?
"Without friendship"?
What are you, nine years?
Do you want to go to him to play?
Actually, her name is Sally.
You're an adult. 
Do not go to bed together?
It 's not my type.
I hope that is not the only reason.
- I taught myself.
- You ', I guessed.
- I'm exhausted.
- I have marked what is wrong and... 
I would say it all.
- Terrible, eh?
- Without hope, sorry.
Ryan teaches swimming.
- You should talk to him.
- Ryan?
Oh, Ryan.
There 's something you do not know how to do?
A few things.
It teaches body building here every Thursday 'evening.
- Body building?
- It ', with a capital b.
We met here.
And 'complimented...
For my body mass index.
Oh, old school, eh?
Now it 's a freelance.
It has a lot of work.
And 'unstoppable.
In constant state of perspiration.
Every time I see him and 'lying on a bench to train your biceps.
It should not be to take the newspaper without ankle weights.
It seems exhausting.
Can 'be.
It 's very reliable...
Methodical.
Lava dry his jeans.
What makes me mad!
It 'really a sauna here, do not you think?
I think that someone had to say it.
- Hey, we're about to close.
- We go out alone after.
Thank you, Kerry.
All to ourselves!
There 'a train at 10:32, so'...
We have time.
One last swim?
It ', alright.
Wait...
I have a sharp pain.
Lose him, come on!
Keep running, keep running.
- I have not!
- I have not!
I lost a lung in front of Boots.
At what time and 'the next train?
Midnight, and arrives at 1: 30.
- Come on then?
- What?
You owe me a drink, remember?
My first husband was the exact opposite.
He was a DJ.
Oh, that sounds cool.
No, not really. 
All are DJ were in the 90s.
Or at least claimed to be. 
Andre...
God, we have made? 
of madness.
He was so 'nice, so 'fascinating.
So much to think that it was a sin wasting all this only with me.
I can not blame him.
We were too young.
How old were you?
Twenty-six.
I was already married 'for four years, when I was twenty-six.
Well, you were not a super DJ.
No, it 's true.
I used to work in marketing.
Want to do something really unusual?
Let's go.
Wait, stop, and 'the first class.
Look, 'just as the Wonderland.
- So, even once?
- No, never.
Have not you ever been tempted?
You know, a slow, at a Christmas party...
The classic exercise to do group in 2006, a little '...
Paintball provocative.
Paintball provocative?
E 'was...
Gia ', that's all. 
You know...
We can think, but then you realize realize that you have too much to lose.
And then, I love my wife.
And 'my soul mate.
A little 'corny, right?
In short, there 'nothing she does not know...
She...
End all my sentences.
Ryan also finished mine, but all in the wrong way.
I'm sorry, I'm getting a bit 'boring.
You are not at all boring.
- It 'was a beautiful evening.
- Gia ', for me too.
A bit 'too good, I think!
Well, there...
See you in six hours.
God, I want to cry.
Andra 'all right, you just have to drink lots of water.
It 's not why I want to cry.
Sometimes...
Sometimes I think I can not do it.
You know, I do not think natural, everyday, do exactly the same things.
It seems to me that it is not enough.
And then I think, "Well, what do you expect that happen? "You know, Ryan...
It 'a good man. 
And 'cute.
And 'cute.
All we grow and settle in the end, no?
And not 'for the fact to grow, and 'to settle down.
Looking for...
To see my face in that picture, just...
I can not.
I think if you love and you are happy, that 'generally most of the times...
Enough, no?
Lo '?
Christ, I hope so.
Do you think this is the time to come?
The train was late, so '...
Go back to sleep.
You reek of chlorine.
"Do you think this time to return, little girl?"
The mobile phone was switched off.
I 'permission, or no?
'Cause do not you go to bed?
Well, it was up to you to prepare dinner.
I had four energy bars and I can not stop shaking.
That's right.
- Are you drunk after a night school?
- I do not go to night school.
Perfect.
- Are your kidneys.
- Exactly, they are my kidneys.
At least until marriage.
I was just worried about you.
Good night.
1 rail train South West of 7:39 to London Waterloo.
Stop in Guildford and London Waterloo.
Let's see if I can you say a word!
I'm just exhausted, that's all.
In fact, I think I will go 'up.
A shortly.
- I thought we'd meet here.
- I'm sorry, but there '.
Well...
Restart!
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, we are momentarily stop at a red light, but we'll be back in movement shortly.
We apologize for any inconvenience caused.
Can I have a gin and tonic, please?
And a little 'chips with sour cream and chives.
Healthy choice.
- They really chives?
- Do not chives true artificial intelligence.
They do these things today?
- Same for me, please.
- I've been waiting.
I skipped that of 7:39...
Of 7:53...
Of 8:02.
I thought you were...
Trying to avoid me.
No, I just thought I should...
Take a different train for a while '.
I found myself lying to Ryan.
I had never done before.
Well, you know...
I lied about my daily diet...
But never about where I had been.
I never turned off the phone and...
I thought, you know...
'Cause I'm doing this man I'm going to marry?
- You're not doing anything.
- Well, until 'I will not'.
Carl, we're flirting?
Well, I do not. 
And you?
It 'really well' wrong?
Not wrong, just...
Useless.
I will marry 'in July!
And, you know, you have a family Ryan and I, and it '...
An adorable boy.
It 'a great guy and I...
- I do not know, it just seems...
- Useless?
Dangerous.
You know, you get to a certain point in your life and think, "It 's all here?"
I have my friends, my family, my work.
The same faces every morning, the same...
Sandwich for lunch... but you...
You're... you're a news'...
And I've never spoken to anyone in the way I talk to you.
And do not hate more 'Monday' morning.
And the most 'ugly of the week and 'become the best one.
I'd be lying if I said that you are not attractive, you know, 'cause you're not.
I'm sorry, but you can not do nothing. 
I did not say it?
- Go ahead.
- It 's just that...
I think it's a shame, is not it?
You are in the bottom of the carriage G and I in front of the carriage B,
I look out of the window. 
It 's just...
- Maybe I'm bored.
- No, not at all.
In fact, I think I like you.
I like to see you every morning.
- For real?
- Of course.
- I think I'd go mad otherwise.
- So, what 's the harm?
We will...
Reasonable.
And everything will remain 'on the train.
OK?
End Hopes of a breakthrough between the leadership and the members of the RMT...
The National Union of Workers transport, railways and maritime transport, were dashed last night, no agreement reached.
The strike, which will begin 'to five in the afternoon, is already causing 'chaos in Transport for London and the South East.
The automobile clubs suffer serious delays.
'Cause you do not work from home?
Oh, you '...
I would really like to know What do you think Findlay.
"Excuse me, Grant ..."
"But today I will work 'from home, I hope you do not mind."
But you will be blocked!
They are not all on strike, no? 
I'll be back ' home just more 'late, that's all.
- Papa '?
- Look, I gotta go.
- I'll keep 'informed.
- Papa '
Did you know?
Look, I'll go 'to stay with Kerry.
At the very least, I search for a hotel.
I had already 'made a picture.
Soft lighting, a little ' "make a baby"...
I would not call him that so ', Ryan.
- Well, how should I call it?
- I do not know, Extreme Body Pump?
Sorry...
Do not make that face.
Look, I'll keep you informed, ok?
See you.
Salve.
Working from home, a cabbage!
They will all be in bed watching "Murder, She Wrote."
What 'makeup, Carl?
What does this mean? 
In private life?
At home, at work, what 'mood, the secret to balancing work and life?
- I'm following my pastoral duties.
- Oh, you know, the usual.
Which means "the usual"?
I do not have children, so I do not know.
Well, you know, and 'tough. 
It is to balance different things.
'Cause, to tell the truth', you seem a bit 'distracted lately.
- The mind is elsewhere, staring...
- No.
I have not...
- Why is that '? 
Should I be worried?
- Not at all.
You know me, I'd tell you if I was not happy.
Due to industrial action, the services of this station are temporarily suspended.
We apologize for any inconvenience caused.
So...
Now what?
I think not.
No, and 'a bit' too, right?
Maybe I'll go 'to sleep Kerry on the sofa.
It '... ok, I...
- I'll try 'to catch a train.
- OK.
- Unless...
- Yes it is'?
We could just ask, just to check.
- It ', we could just ask.
- That's right.
Our best price for a regular room.
Is equivalent to a week to Center Parcs!
How can 'imagine, tonight there 'demands.
But we would need two single rooms.
I'm sorry...
I have double or twin beds.
Twin in the same room?
Right.
At this price.
- We could separate them, if you'd like.
- No, no.
- Do not catered 'needs. 
Thank you.
- Two separate beds are fine.
So...
- Which would you...
- It does not matter.
I usually sleep on the left, so...
- Me either.
- So both of them sleep '.
I will sleep... 'on the right.
I'm going... 
I'm just going to
- Freshen up.
- It ', of course.
Room Service!
I managed to pass them to Hidden front of the goal.
You know what it reminds me of all this?
A week's skiing as a boy, on a school trip.
The French Alps.
We brought in secretly cigarettes and bottles of beer.
It was the first time I was in a hotel without my parents.
Abuse, as adults...
You mess with the machine for ice...
Smoking out the window, tamper with the fire extinguisher...
Honestly, it was anarchy.
Still feel that feeling...
when they are in a hotel. 
As if...
As if Miss Gerrard should enter at any time and peck.
I brought a change of clothes.
Wait a message?
I'm sorry, and 'just a nervous tic, you know...
Check the phone every two minutes.
I do too.
Why do you think you do?
Perhaps we would like something to happen.
Maggie.
OK.
- Look, 'best answer.
- It ', there' s no reason not to.
Hello.
- Thank you.
- I'm just eating a mouthful.
And 'only... a small hotel shit for tourists.
With shared bathroom at the end of corridor, nothing special.
Well, steals a towel.
And tomorrow back soon, eh?
Sure you do not want that is to get you?
No, absolutely not.
- The traffic will be 'past.
- Ryan, promise me you will not you set out to drive through London, ok?
Staro 'well, I will be' at home tomorrow night.
Ok.
Well... makes the most of the occasion.
- What do you mean?
- Well... may be the last night of the our lives that we spend apart.
Gia ', we hope.
What are you doing?
The usual things. 
I'm on the couch watching tele, with dinner on the knees and a glass of warm white wine... you?
You ', I'm waiting for bring me to eat.
Lamb curry, naan, basmati and spinach bhaji.
It ', exactly.
You're so 'predictable.
Gia '.
- Well, in a predictable way, I miss you.
- You, too, Carly.
- I'll call you before I go to bed?
- No.
No, I will go 'early to bed, so...
- I love you.
- I, too, honey.
Sleep well.
It ', too. 
Hello.
How 'gone?
Well, no problem.
And you?
All right.
I think we should admit what is happening, do not you think?
Okay, look, we do it once.
Just once, just tonight.
- And then never again '.
- No, only once.
You know, 'an adventure.
There we may lift out of the way.
- There we may lift out of the way?
- No, I just, you know...
- Let's clear things up.
- Gia '... no, exactly.
Let's clear things up.
And tomorrow we go back to being...
Friends... on the train in the morning.
Without repentance, without feeling guilty and without excuse, ok?
'Cause otherwise it makes no sense.
- Do not say it to anyone.
- No, no one would do it.
- No one.
- No, you know, I mean only...
Nothing confessions drunk or anything like that.
And 'our. 
And 'our own thing and...
- We will carry it to the grave, ok?
- Yes it is. '
Agree. 
In the tomb.
- Let's bring the bill. 
The bill is on me.
- No, I'll pay.
So much I have to pay in cash.
I said that I was eating Indian.
God, that lie idiot.
'Cause I told you?
We're going to make a mistake?
I do not care.
- We need to push the button.
- Ah, yeah '.
To be continue...
In the previous episode
250 days a year to and something two hours a day, make six hundred hours.
Thirty-seven days of the year on this train, with these people.
Excuse me, 'my place.
- Excuse me, and 'confidential?
- No, not 'confidential.
I have railed against a Women, today, on the train.
Here I am. 
The crazy train.
We go a bit '. 
Just you and me.
A place where there are no evenings for parents or school plays.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
I was completely out of me yesterday.
I wanted to apologize.
And 'this way, you know.
It makes people nervous.
Me particularly, on Monday 'morning.
I'll see you tomorrow at 7:39?
But you do not find in my place, ok?
Scherzo. 
Sorry.
Just 'cause you know, lighthouse' late once a week, henceforth.
In fact, I joined the gym.
I played a little 'football.
A soccer player! 
When?
In 1983.
You reek of chlorine.
And what about Ryan?
Just 'cause we're getting married and not 'I need to know everything about me.
But you '?
We're going to make a mistake?
I do not mind.
The 7:39 episode 2
Translation: 
Ellie, Doublelnfinity, Mesharim, Maureen, clabobvis, Elposa
Revision: 
HMLomi
Subspedia Our subtitles for your TV shows
You have to press the button.
Ah, yeah '.
- Give me, I do.
- No, I can not.
- Sara 'just a little' dirty, no?
- Wait, give me.
Look at this.
- Sorry.
- No, nothing.
Sorry, disorder?
No, I'm off, see?
- Where are you going?
- A brush my teeth. 
Garlic.
If you need so 'much to drink...
No, and 'that...
I'm nervous, that's all.
Gia ', too.
Give me.
Champagne and Toothpaste.
What disgusting.
You are adorable.
- Sorry.
- All ok.
I just have to loose...
- The strings.
- I feel a bit '...
We can...
Perhaps we should take a breath of fresh air.
Yup '...
It ', we...
We do so '.
I'm sorry, I seem to you screwed up.
The version in my head it was a bit 'different.
What was going on in that version?
Well, I could unhook immediately strings.
You have not messed up.
And then...
It 's still early.
'Cause I feel I have need a cigarette?
I do not even smoke.
And then this and 'a room non-smokers, so...
This is' the last of the our problems, right?
Are you worried?
I?
No.
A little bit.
You?
You ', I'm worried...
I'm worried that when I get back ' home and put 'the key in the lock, there will be 'a little rumble and will collapse 'the house.
It will not happen '.
No remorse.
No excuses.
OK.
So, I take that of 18:49, if I can stay awake so 'long.
I do closure, so...
So how do we do? 
7:39?
7:39.
So...
- Thank you and...
- No, thank you.
The last time the sunlight?
We risk?
The last time?
The last time.
I have to concentrate.
Pope '!
Hey.
- To what do I owe you?
- You know for what is that '.
Let me hear something then.
Hello, stranger.
- Hello.
- Have you bought your daughter's love.
Sounds much better, right?
And 'round! 
Long last!
No offense, but seems a bit 'tired.
It ', thank you. 
I 'was already 'pointed out, today.
The aftermath of the couch Kerry.
Well, you know what will not happen 'never again'?
- Tell me.
- You...
You shall not pass never, never...
Never...
Another night away from me...
For the rest of your life.
Hooray!
The House and 'collapsed?
Not yet!
Take it easy...
No, we can stop, please?
- How long have you done? 
Two minutes!
- It ', but...
My heart is not 'in the mood tonight.
I did not think...
Ok, then...
What would you rather do?
At Monday 'evening, eh?
And in a harsh training regimen.
Sorry, but 'a jar of jam?
It 'a fad.
Attracts attention.
Here it is, right here. 
Do you hear?
- What?
- The crisis of middle age 'advances.
A sports car, a tattoo...
- E 'by the book!
- Gia '.
Something concrete, no?
As a landline or number of insurance.
- Or you could do a marathon.
- Well, I joined the gym.
Or have a relationship.
One thing to a night with a stranger on a train.
Pero 'you're not a stranger.
Enough, enough, enough, enough...
I feel like a teenager.
Touching each other on the train... and 'ridiculous.
Then we go to a private place.
- I'm not going 'in the toilet, Carl.
- No, we go to a hotel.
- Or do you think that is a bad idea?
- It goes a bit 'further.
So it 'a bad idea?
- Oh, God. 
Knew this would happen.
- I'm sorry, and 'only...
I meant to bring out this thing, see what happens.
Excuse. 
Forget it.
- Unless...
- It 's not a question of will.
- We can not do this' we want.
- I have not? 
'Cause no?
Only this time, let's do it and see what happens.
What could happen?
When you come down 'from the train, andro 'home from Ryan.
And kiss him 'and I'll go' to sleep with him and I'll tell him 'I love him and I'll tell 'really.
- I know, and I do not care.
- Ah well, as long as' you do not care...
No, I mean, 'I care. 
It 's just...
I have not stopped loving Maggie just 'cause we started...
And 'our stop.
Tell me that does not depend on me. 
Do not depend on me, right?
'Cause you know I do not are a type insistent.
No, it depends on you.
Salve.
- We were late to work.
- A quick drink together.
Well, tomorrow morning.
It 'stupid, right? 
Cosi 'stupid.
Who do you want me to say? 
Do not know us.
I know, but it 's not my fault, I got carried away.
We'll just be more 'careful in the future.
In the future?
Better if...
We sleep on.
- What's that?
- Keep watching.
E 'for the honeymoon?
Piu 'long honeymoon.
Much, much more 'long.
They say it is an ideal place for raising children.
- We do not have kids!
- No, but we have them.
- We will have them.
- Lose 'the train.
Look, Sal...
It 's true that I do not understand everything on the fly, but...
So when you're not happy.
I see what annoys you always take the train.
As for me, my only aim, the priority 'of my life now, and 'make you happy.
And I am committed 'to 110 per cent to do it.
- 110 per cent and 'impossible.
- That you say so.
I do not say, and 'really impossible.
- Nothing and 'impossible.
- Give 110 per cent and 'impossible.
Oh, for heaven's sake! 
It 'a manner of speaking!
Listen...
It could be a new beginning for us.
New job, new friends, maybe a newcomer.
The change.
I thought that was what 'you wanted.
You '
Can I ask you something personal?
Here we go. 
The typical man.
- What?
- Everything 'competition.
You do not know what I want to ask you.
- Want to know who and 'better in bed.
- I have not!
Well, he is not 'better.
It 's different.
Very attentive, very eager.
It 's like to be in one of his classes.
Warm up, stretching, cool-down, a lot of needed moisture.
From '110 per cent.
So no complaints?
Just that sometimes I do not feel in the room with him. 
That's it.
Let's not do more '.
- What?
- Speaking of others.
Better not.
It seems...
Well, it seems 'and that'.
Betrayal.
- Good heavens...
- Hey, come here.
What is wrong '?
- We are having our first fight.
- No, really. 
I'm serious. 
I do not like it.
It makes me sad.
How would you have felt if I had asked...
- I can not even say his name!
- I'm sorry.
Let's keep it for us, ok?
Miss the train.
I thought that all this exercise you would get tired.
It ', too.
It 's just...
And 'stuff working.
- You want to talk about it?
- No, it's okay.
Go back to sleep.
I think stay 'lying here until 'will not be' day.
Andro 'in the gym tonight, I'll' later.
Do you think there is already 'some difference? 
Physically.
Promise me you will not become too big.
Ryan wants us to we transfer in Australia.
Australia?
It is', he said that we could...
live near the sea.
Has relatives there ', feels we'll be fine.
And the quality 'of life... 
It' a great place to raise a child.
Wait, are you pregnant?
No, Carl.
Sorry, Australia?
- Gia '...
- So you...
You'll leave the job? 
Or what?
- Sara 'hard to do commute.
- Sorry...
Why 'jokes on us?
- 'Cause I do not know yet if I will go'.
- You want it? 
Ie '...
I'm trying to hate the idea, but I can not. 
In conclusion...
I need something Again, that something changes.
Well, I do not want to change anything.
Carl, I'm getting married!
Do not you think that this imply 'some difficulties'?
- Oh, we can not see each other that day.
- It 's different.
And 'my marriage. 
Unless you does not want to come. 
Take your wife.
- It 's different.
- 'Cause it's different?
'Cause you'll see' more '.
'Cause...
Just think... to enjoy it, okay?
It's good...
The next time we pass a full day somewhere.
Just that we spend together.
Let's go to London, we will be like...
We'll be like two tourists.
Ok, we'll do the tourists.
- It 's just a day off.
- How do I have to tell you, and not 'the case.
- Well, I would not ask if it was not important. 
- Tom.
- What do you call your wife?
- Maggie.
Her name is Maggie, and ' always called Maggie.
'Cause do not you notes or something?
Ok, and 'only...
A day off to accompany my son to see the university '. 
That's it.
Well, since you've got so 'at heart.
- Thank you.
- Carl...
Carl, I was wondering, could you read what 'written out of my office?
- What?
- The label them '.
What does it say?
He says: "Head Chief Real Estate Investments ".
One more time.
"Head Chief Investment Property."
Thank you.
Li 'and' where I lived.
My first apartment.
We lived them '.
A nice little studio.
And... 
I 'and' where I work.
Li 'and' my office.
Check out my head. 
Hey...
- We skipped work.
- Hello.
U Smile.
You're a tourist.
What do you need a picture of Big Ben?
I have to shoot pigeons.
What should I do with it?
I do not know.
Perhaps it would be better to delete them.
Gia ', I do it myself.
Come here.
What are you watching?
I do a little 'photographs.
Click.
Click.
What was the university '?
The services were good?
Excellent.
Listen, you may turn it off for a minute?
I just want to tell you that...
When I was your age '...
'Cause I had it once...
I have always been sensitive, responsible...
Ordinary.
And I hated the idea of? 
getting at my age 'with the...
Regrets.
Are you drunk?
No.
I just think that you should follow your heart, okay? 
You should...
Theater or whatever with my blessing, ok?
You know what I say?
OK.
I mean, just a simple "Thanks, Dad '"... would have killed him?
For $ 9,000 per year more 'maintenance?
- The children.
- Gia 'better to stay without, my friend.
Well, I do not mean this, not really. 
In the end I love them.
Carl...
I'm licenziado, Carl.
I had figured it out.
When you close the blinds, I thought: "Here we are. comes the shot."
- You can not fire me, Grant.
- I'm sorry, and 'out of my reach.
It 's not your decision?
I mean I have no choice.
Six expensive, Carl, you make mistakes,
- You're not motivated...
- I had my head somewhere else.
- Gia '
- But I can get back in line, I'm already 'doing.
It 's time to do something different.
- I can not do anything else.
- Found something.
Take the time!
There will be 'the settlement, you have been here a little, 'and then' generous.
- It will not be 'fairly.
- You do not know how to talk yet.
Sara 'enough to the rest of my life?
For my family and my children?
- Change is always scary.
- You're telling me?
It 'a very dynamic market.
You think so? 
With all the recent graduates the 'outside. 
Think you are looking for someone like me?
A reliable man middle-aged ', salaried?
I can not miss work, Grant.
I'm sorry, man.
And do not call me friend.
Do not send me away kicking and then call me friend!
I love you.
So 'much.
It 's very sweet.
Now we sleep.
This train 'to London Waterloo.
- Why did not you said last night?
- You know why '.
You know, if I do not take the train...
'Go home and talk to her.
Right away.
That it will be 'one of us?
We'll be away for a while '.
You know, for twelve years, I hated this train.
Hours wasted, just routine.
And now that I'm gonna ' take it more 'me...
I feel lost.
Will you come back soon.
I believe, and sustain me in this regard.
I think it's a good thing.
No, listen.
I'm not saying that it is not 'a shock and even not to worry, 'cause I know you will.
But we have some savings.
That were not designed for it.
Well, what else sevono?
Universita ', vacation, retirement fund.
So spare.
We will refund the subscription, cancel the gym.
We can eat lentils and cucirci clothes with the curtains.
- Selling one of the boys.
- Do not joke around.
I would never do, but we're fine.
We are more 'fortunate than others. 
We will live with my salary while looking for another.
Something that you will 'come a heart attack in five years.
And I'm not kidding, continuous waiting for that call.
The work 'hard. 
I mean ', it must be!
You ', but it certainly does not have to kill you.
I love you, Carl, but...
You have been unbearable in recent years.
Sorry, but it 's true.
- No, I know.
- It 's our chance to start over.
I'm too old for start anything.
You are old, but not too old.
And 'humiliating. in conclusion, What will they think guys?
They will understand.
And 'shame, you know? 
I am ashamed.
For what reason?
Of course, once you will be 'in writing, potra 'go into all the structures of our subsidiaries, open...
- Kerry... you would continue for a while?
- Yes it is'?
Will you stop doing that?
Jesus'. 
I gotta get out of here.
I'm going to make a run.
Now? 
It's pouring. why is that ' do not wait for tomorrow morning?
- Have you seen my phone?
- What do you need?
So 'I can hear a little' music.
Oh, here it is.
Do not look at me like '. 
Staro ' out for half an hour. 
OK?
Fast, fast, fast! 
You know, I had remain standing on the train, back.
I was so 'outraged.
I wanted to say: "I dream of a woman pregnant! 
How dare you?
!"
- Maybe you should quit.
- To work?
Do you want me to stay in bed thirty-two weeks?
- I'm not sick, I'm pregnant.
- No, I know, I know.
And 'I'd like to have you here, all by myself.
- Every minute of the day.
- As a hostage?
Exactly! 
My beautiful hostage.
{\ an8} I'm going crazy!
Oh, and 'Kerry.
{\ an8} Out now!
He wants to replace the tomorrow at work.
When we say to others? 
At the wedding?
It ', we can make an announcement.
We'll have to adjust your dress?
Be patient.
It 'an agency of the work, do not promise anything.
They just want to "evaluate my series skills. "Whatever.
I did not even have a "set of skills."
Have not you talked about last night.
I checked just now e-mail, I have not? 
And 'arrived yesterday evening.
It 'a last minute thing, they just want to talk.
It might be nothing.
- Or it could lead to something.
- That's right.
I have to run, I take the train of 7:39.
- It's not 'a little' soon?
- I still have a subscription, right?
Might as well use it.
I'll call you and let you know how it goes.
Hello.
I'm thinking of canceling my membership.
- Sure it's a good idea?
- My situation and 'changed.
Gia ', even mine.
Ok, well...
- I take the modules for the cancellation.
- Unless you do not want to talk about it outside.
You're smart.
I hope it's for an interview.
No, not 'an interview, and 'consultation. 
It '...
An interview for an interview.
Well, not 'evil.
See? 
I told you. 
You'll be back on the train as soon as possible.
Gia ', I hope so.
Fingers crossed.
There 'no interview.
- No, I imagined.
- I missed you, Sally.
- I missed you too, Carl, but...
- I know, but I seemed crazy...
- I'm sitting at home...
- Carl, what do you expect to happen?
Describe the sequence of events. in How all this ends well?
I have no more 'idea.
No, me neither.
So what?
End here?
Good-bye, then?
Come here.
Oh, no.
What is wrong '?
What is wrong '?
Carl, I'm so sorry.
Maggie...
- Maggie!
- Do not you dare!
- Let's go somewhere? 
Talk.
- Do what?
I do not want to talk, and not I want to cry in public.
- Jesus ', so I feel pretty humiliated'.
- Want me to explain?
- I want you to go.
- There 's a train in two minutes.
- Do not stand on my own train.
- Of course I ascended 'on your train. 
Maggie!
It 's my subscription, Maggie!
How 'was your interview?
- Maggie... 
- With the guys of assumptions, and 'went well?
I was so 'me happy when you have said, I looked at you out of the house full of hope and well-dressed.
Do not do that '.
Why is that '? 
I'll put you uncomfortable?
- It 's my friend.
- A little 'more' of a friend.
Gia ', a little' more 'is'.
From the 'more' of a friend?
A month.
And how many times have you been more 'friendly?
Six or seven.
At least not 'double digit.
And when did 'was the first time?
What... train strike.
When I was stuck in London.
When you've spent the night in a hotel.
- It must have been the only time. 
No.
- But you could not restrain yourself.
You could not resist, it was too much.
The attraction was too strong.
Not 'went well'.
Things were not going well ' well with Mrs. M.
There is no 'more' the old spark.
No surprise after all these years.
We never talked about you.
It has nothing to do with you.
- But I think it has to do with me.
- But it's not 'your fault.
I have always been happy here, it 's never missed anything here.
I've always loved this place, I have always loved you.
- So why '? 
And 'more' young?
- No.
z: haitská kreolèina
It 'flattering, advises me.
- Do not 'so'... 
I'm trying to explain.
- I do not wanna hear it!
What could you possibly say?
That you were bored? 
Me too.
What did you feel invisible, not appreciated, no more 'special?
Me too!
That sometimes wanted more ' sex, or different sex?
Or did you feel old tired, ugly and boring, and you just wanted to know what it felt like to be appreciated again?
There 's nothing, nothing, that you do not feel and I do not feel the same, maybe more '!
But I do nothing of what ' 'cause I have a family that I love and would never betray.
I met someone.
And I tried something for she and her something for me.
It's good? 
We did not want us.
If I were sitting on a seat other than or I boarded a different train, this might not have happened.
And I know you do not want to hear,
- But we could not do anything about it, ok?
- Do you love her?
I love the idea I have of her. 
I love...
See her and be with her.
Still love her?
I think... you ', I could.
But I also love you, and In short, I love them both.
It does not work well '. the new sweeps away the old.
Staro 'here...
And you will do your luggage before that the boys come home.
- What will you say to them?
- Do not know yet.
Are you ready? 
Ok, do not laugh.
"I, Ryan, take you, Sally, like my wife.
"And I swear these things.
"I promise to love you and to take care of you.
"I promise to listen to your problems
"and do my best to understand them.
"I promise to support you economically..."
I'm not sure of this piece, might be a bit 'too concrete.
"But also to respect your independence.
"But above all, I promise of your friend."
Sorry, that day is not going to happen '.
Well, no matter, as long as you do not answer.
"Hello, I can not talk now, are on the altar. "Come on, go ahead.
"But above all, I promise of your friend.
"And to give you 110 per cent, which is mathematically possible, or not."
A little joke.
You do not like, not 'it?
Well, you know... and this' only a draft.
- Excuse me, give me one second.
- It ', no, no. 
Go, I have...
- How are you?
- To be honest, a bit 'shaken.
Now she is talking with the boys, I'll see them 'tomorrow.
God, I do not know what to tell '.
I'm sorry.
It 's not your fault.
- I have not? 
It seems to me you '...
- Sally, listen...
There is no 'why this should also involve you.
You know, I did not have names.
Maggie does not even know who you are.
So 'you...
You're safe.
So you should continue your way.
Go on with your life and...
Be happy.
Agree?
- Are you ready? 
Where are you?
- Hang on.
Ryan...
I was with someone else.
I was with another. 
A relationship.
- Tell me his name! 
- It 's a man I met on the train. 
I have not!
- Carl. 
Carl and 'his name.
- He knows us?
- Yes it is. '
- You know we're engaged?
What about the baby?
He does not know the child.
Ryan, you're scaring me!
- It 's yours?
- I have not!
How do you know? 
How do you know, you stupid woman?
'Cause we were always careful.
You're hurting me, Ryan!
We're fine, everything's fine.
I'm sorry.
I am made a friend on the morning train...
And...
It was a long time since I had a friend...
I know you watch the adults, think that we have grown and that we are far from all those things, but not 'so'.
However, that friendship and 'transformed...
Into something else.
He had to remain a secret.
I do not think this is right...
But I do not want to hurt you, you know?
And not even your mother.
- If there was another way, I...
- In order not to be discovered?
- It was not something that I and Sally...
- Sally?
Taken lightly.
Just 'cause you know, Right now, right now...
Sitting here with you two, and 'much far the most 'bad in my life.
'Cause I love you and I hate the fact of having wounded.
- So this means that I'll have 'a stepmother? 
- No, it does not mean that.
'Cause you and mom back together?
I do not know, I do not know.
I'd better go.
Mom told me to give you this.
Hello, Dad '.
But I do not understand, you would have could get away with it.
But I did not "get away".
Stare them 'in front of everybody and think:
"This is 'the best day' of the beautiful my life, I got away."
A promise and 'a promise, right?
However, he would discovered in some way.
He was angry?
Well, it was not so 'shaken...
No, I mean, it was violent?
Did he... did he hit?
I think that both crossed my mind.
It 's the first time I seen losing control. 
I...
- I did not think he was capable...
- God, if you hit him, I...
I would not do too much the hero. 
E ' slightly more 'in the form of you.
I'm sorry...
- For making me fall into temptation?
- Well, no...
I took my own decisions.
Oh God and now I'm gonna ' tell my parents...
And to her, and to all our friends...
Oh, Jesus. 'It 's like trying to...
Stand firm in a burning house.
I would like to run, but I can not.
Well, actually 'we.
- What?
- Go away.
- Together?
- Yes it is. '
My mother and father have a cottage. 
E 'isolated from everything.
- Want to introduce me to your parents?
- Christ, no!
They will be there, and 'the point.
We will be just us.
I have the key...
A place where we can hide for a while '...
To relax...
- Ryan!
- You know what you did, bastard?
!
- Ryan!
- Did you know? 
You know?
!
- Please!
- You know?
!
So... has known your boyfriend, right?
True.
- I did not think it would happen.
- No, of course.
I never thought of you, and that the 'bad, I know...
You think so?
He felt lost, I think, and...
I was, too, and Eventually we found...
He adores you, you know, and this is not 'changed.
- I know it is not 'a consolation...
- No, in fact.
But I do not think we are bad people.
No, the bad people I do not think ever.
Ms. Matthews?
I told him not to call you.
It was not necessary.
They said they had lost consciousness.
Head trauma.
And some cuts and bruises. 
That's it.
At least from this affair will and 'out something good.
- You should see the other guy...
- Not a sign.
I thought it was a runner.
I thought there was investing, then began to take a beating.
It 'a professional athlete, fuck.
Laughing hurts.
Gia ', even to me.
I just came to let go of the respirator, but you're right, so goodbye.
Maggie...
I can not do it. 
Not now.
We were a team...
A good team, or at least I thought so.
So I will not deceive you by telling you this thing will strengthen us', or that we will be able to chat, or crap like that. 
No.
This thing has destroyed.
- What do you think?
- It 's wonderful.
- So you're absolutely sure?
- Very safe.
But how can you be sure?
Biology, arithmetic...
We were stupid in some things, but on what we have always been careful.
But even in that case must be a tiny chance '...
Carl, if he or she to five years will have 'your eyes, I'll call you'.
But I know that the baby 'Ryan.
Congratulations. 
I'm sorry...
- What a coincidence.
- God, I do not wonder
- I've hit so 'strong.
- You're lucky I did not kill you.
I bet that even you would want to kill me, no?
That's' cause I'm here.
So... how do you feel?
Confused...
Sickened...
Scared.
For years I thought that would have happened but...
I never imagined to do it alone.
We can look at one thing and that's it?
It ', of course.
I always thought that pregnancy should be an aphrodisiac.
I think that it is only if the child and 'yours.
I can hear the sea...
Gia ', too.
I could not sleep tonight.
Me neither.
- I thought it would be relaxing.
- No, not for that...
It 's just that I wanted to tell you...
Look, I know this was not the plan, and that things are out of hand and...
That this is not 'what' we expected or wanted, but...
But one thing that I do not feel...
And do not try '...
And 'regret.
'Cause I do not regret to meet you, Sally.
And I do not regret having you kissed, or'm in love with you.
Carl.
And I want you to keep I realize that, and you...
- Carl, do not tell.
- Why is that '?
'Cause I do not really think so.
We were better off on the train.
We were better than them '.
We were only two of us...
In the real world, we're just...
It would not work.
I know what you want...
And that's okay '.
We were fine for a while ', no?
Sure you do not want to come with you? 
I
- Come to the station, or...
- I have not...
Being attached to the window, to say goodbye? 
That's okay '.
Take care of yourself.
I always have been before.
So...
There 'no reason to be stubborn.
I decided to think as a hesitation.
A hesitation?
Right.
You just had a hesitation.
- I've never heard call him '.
- Sal, please.
Let me continue.
Practically, there are too many things going on...
Not only are our future, and that of the child, but also the payment and all the preparations...
And I refuse to send to air all of this.
So I'm ready, to say, "Here,
"All right, '... and' success', and continue exactly as we had thought.
In a few words...
I forgive you, Sally.
You had a hesitation.
May I come inside?
Two years later,
"A coachman as Phaeton would know spur to the west..."
It says "Feton-e" or "Feton-yourself"?
Or maybe "Peton-yourself"? 
Could be.
No, go ahead, continues. 
It 's wonderful.
"And now give us the cover at night.
"Soon, or night, you who protect love, greenhouse well your curtains,
"'cause finally are closed Eye of the day, and Romeo,
"silent and stealthy, can run these arms."
Sally!

'250 days a year, two and a bit hours a day, 600 hours, '37 days a year on this train with these people.'
Excuse me, you're in my seat.
I'm sorry, is it reserved?
No, there are no reservations.
'I shouted at this woman on the train today. 
That's me.'
The nutter on the train.
Let's go out. 
Just me and you.
Somewhere that's not a parents' evening or a school play.
Love you. 
Love you too.
That was completely out of order yesterday.
I wanted to apologise. 
Oh.
It's this journey, you know, it makes people tense.
Especially me on a Monday morning.
I'll see you tomorrow, 7:39.
Just don't let me find you in my seat, all right?
Joking. 
Sorry.
Just so you know, I'm going to be late one night a week from now on.
Matter of fact, I've joined a gym.
I used to play a bit of football.
A footballer? 
When?
1983.
You reek of chlorine.
And what does Ryan say?
Just because we're getting married, he doesn't need to know everything about me. 
Except he does.
Are we about to make a mistake?
I don't care.
We need to press the button.
Oh, yeah.
Here, let me. 
No, I can do it.
It's just a bit greasy, isn't it?
Give it to me. 
W-W-Wait.
Watch, watch this.
Agh!
Oh, sorry. 
It's OK.
Ooh. 
Ooh.
Sorry, am I disturbing you?
No, look. 
I'm turning it off, see?
Where you going?
Brush my teeth. 
Garlic.
HE COUGHS
Well, if you need a drink that badly...
No, I'm just...
I'm just nervous, that's all.
Yeah, me too.
Here.
Champagne and toothpaste.
Oh, it's absolutely vile.
God, you're so lovely.
Agh! 
Sorry! 
No, it's OK.
I just need to get this...
My laces.
You know, I feel a bit...
Can we...?
Maybe we should just get some air?
Yeah...
Yeah, let's... 
Let's do that.
I'm sorry, I feel like I've messed this up.
The version in my head was a little different.
What happened in that version?
Well, I could get my shoelaces undone for a start.
You haven't messed it up.
Besides... it's still early.
Why do I feel like I need a cigarette?
I don't even smoke.
Also, this is a non-smoking room, so...
Think that's the least of our worries, don't you?
Are you worried?
Me? 
No.
A little.
You?
Yeah, I worry...
I worry that when I get home and put the key in the lock, there's going to be this low rumble and the whole house falls down.
That won't happen.
No regrets.
No apologies.
OK.
So look, I'm on the 18:49 if I stay awake that long.
I'm on lates, so...
So, what? 
7:39 then?
7:39.
Well, erm...
Thank you and... 
No, thank you.
One last time in broad daylight?
Shall we risk it?
The last time ever.
Last time ever.
I'd better concentrate.
Dad!
Hey.
What's this for?
You know what it's for.
Well, let's hear it, then.
Hello, stranger. 
Hi.
CHARLOTTE PLAYS "Frere Jacques"
Nothing like buying your daughter's love.
It sounds so much better, doesn't it?
She's back! 
At last!
Oh, no offence, but you look knackered.
Yes, thank you. 
That's been pointed out already today.
That'll be from Kerry's sofa.
Well, do you know what's never happening again? 
Go on.
You are never, ever, EVER, spending another night away from me for the rest of your life.
Hooray!
PHONE VIBRATES
PHONE BEEPS
SHE CLEARS THROAT
Oh, hang on...
No, can we stop now, please?
How long you been on for?
Like, two minutes?
Yeah, but... my heart's not in it tonight.
Yeah, I didn't think so.
OK, well... what shall we do instead?
To Monday nights, eh?
And a strict exercise regime.
Sorry, is this a jam jar?
It's a thing, a gimmick.
There it is, right there.
Did you hear it? 
What?
My mid-life crisis kicking in.
A sports car, a tattoo - that is textbook.
Yeah. 
Something practical, eh?
Like a landline or my national insurance number.
Or you could run a marathon.
Well, I've joined a gym.
Or have an affair.
A one-night stand with a stranger on a train.
Except you're not a stranger.
Stop, stop, stop, stop...
I feel like a teenager.
Touching each other up on the train - it's ridiculous.
Let's go somewhere private, then.
I'm not going in the toilet, Carl.
No, we could go to a hotel, you know?
Or do you think that's a bad idea?
It's moving things on.
So it is a bad idea, then?
Oh, God. 
See, I knew this would happen. 
I'm sorry, I just...
I just wanted to say, you know?
Get it out there, see what happens.
I'm sorry. 
Just forget it.
Unless you want to...
It's not about wanting to.
We can't just do whatever we want.
Can't we? 
Why not? 
Just this once, just do it and see what happens.
What could possibly happen?
When I get off this train I'm going to go home to Ryan.
And I'm going to kiss him and get in bed with him and tell him that I love him and I will mean it, too.
I know and I don't mind. 
Oh, great.
Well, as long as you don't mind!
No, I mean, I do mind. 
It's just...
I haven't stopped loving Maggie just because we've started...
This is our stop.
Tell me it's not just me.
Hey, it's not just me, is it?
Because you know I'm not the stalking type.
No, it's not just you.
Hello. 
Yeah, stayed late at work, you know. 
Quick drink after work.
Well, see you in the morning.
Stupid, isn't it? 
So stupid.
Who's he going to tell?
He doesn't know us.
I know but it's my fault, getting carried away.
Well, we'll just have to be more careful in the future.
The future?
Let's... ..sleep on it.
Hm?
What is this exactly?
Ah-ah! 
Keep watching.
Oh!
It's for the honeymoon?
Longer than the honeymoon.
Much, much longer.
They say it's a brilliant place to raise kids.
We don't have kids!
Yes, but we will have. 
We will.
I'm going to miss my train.
Look, Sal...
I know I'm not always on the ball but I know when you're not happy.
I can see it when you head off for the train.
As far as I'm concerned, my sole aim, my number one priority in life now, is to make you happy.
And I'm going to give it 110%.
110% is not possible.
Well, that's your opinion.
No, it's not an opinion, it's ACTUALLY impossible.
Hey, nothing's impossible.
No, giving it 110% IS impossible.
Oh, for Christ's sake!
It's a figure of speech!
Look... this could be a whole new start for us.
New job, new friends, hopefully a new arrival.
Change.
I thought that's what you wanted.
PHONE VIBRATES
SHE SHOUTS IN EXCITEMENT
Can I ask you something personal?
Oh, here we go. 
Typical men.
What? 
Everything's a competition.
You don't know what I'm going to ask.
You want to know who's better in bed. 
No, I don't!
Well, he's not better, it's different.
Very attentive, very keen.
It's like being in one of his classes. 
There's warm-up, stretching, warm-down, plenty of hydration to hand.
Gives it 110%.
So no complaints, then?
Only that sometimes I'm not in the room with him. 
That's all.
Let's not do that again.
What? 
Talk about the others.
It's not on.
It feels like...
Well, it feels like what it is.
Betrayal.
For Christ's sake... 
Hey, come here.
What?
Well, we're having our first argument.
No, I mean it. 
I'm serious.
I don't like that.
It makes me sad.
How would you feel if I asked that about...
I can't even say her name!
I'm sorry.
Let's just keep it on the island, yeah?
We're going to miss our train.
I thought all this exercise was meant to tire you out.
Yeah, me too.
It's just, erm...
It's work stuff, you know?
Do you want to talk about it?
No, it's OK.
You go to sleep.
I'm just going to lie here till it gets light, you know?
So it's gym night tonight - I'll be back late.
Do you think it's making any difference? 
I mean, physically.
Promise me you won't get too big.
'Ryan wants us to move to Australia.'
Australia? 
Yeah, he said we could live by the sea.
He's got relatives there, he feels we'd belong.
And the quality of life - it's a great place to bring a child up.
What, you're pregnant?
No, Carl.
Sorry, Australia? 
Yeah, I know.
What, so you'll just...
You'll give up work? 
Or what?
Well, it's a bit of a commute otherwise. 
Sorry...
Why are you joking about this?
Because I don't know if I'm going yet. 
Well, do you want to? 
I mean...
I'm really trying to hate the idea but I can't quite. 
I mean...
I need something new, I need something to change.
Well, I don't want anything to change.
Carl, I'm getting married!
You don't think that might throw up some difficulties?
Oh, by the way, I can't meet you that day - it's my wedding.
It's different.
Unless you want to come.
Why don't you bring your wife?
It's different.
What's the difference?
I won't see you any more.
Why don't we...
Let's just try and enjoy now, yeah?
Yeah.
Let's spend the whole day together next time. 
Let's just... ..spend it together.
We'll go into London and we'll be...
We'll be like tourists or something.
OK, we'll be tourists.
It's just one day off.
I have to say, it's not ideal.
Well, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important, would I?
Can't what's her name, the lady wife? 
Maggie, she's called Maggie...
She's been called Maggie for the last eight years - why don't you write it down or something, eh?
It's just one day off so I take my son to see this university.
That's all. 
Well, since you feel so strongly about it.
Thanks. 
Carl...
Carl, I wonder, could you tell me what it says outside my office?
What?
The sign, there. 
What does it say?
It says, "Head of Commercial Property."
One more time?
"Head of Commercial Property."
Thank you.
That is where I used to live.
My first flat.
We were over there.
Tiny little bedsit.
And that is where I work.
And there's my office. 
See my boss.
Oi! 
We're skiving! 
Hello!
Smile.
You're such a tourist.
What do you need a picture of Big Ben for?
I need to photograph some pigeons.
What shall I do?
I don't know.
Maybe I'd better delete them.
Yeah, I think so.
Come here.
'What are you staring at?
'
I'm just taking photographs.
Click.
Click.
DOOR OPENS
TELEVISION IN BACKGROUND
How was university?
Did it have good facilities?
Great facilities.
Listen, could you turn that off for a second?
I just wanted to say that when I was your age... ..because I was once... ..I always did the sensible, responsible... ..ordinary thing.
And I'd hate to think that you get to my age and you have the same... ..regrets.
Are you drunk?
No.
I just think you should follow your heart, all right? 
You should... do your theatre or whatever and you do it with my blessing, OK?
Do you understand what I'm saying?
OK.
HE TURNS TV BACK ON
I mean, just a simple, "Thank you, Dad." Would it kill him?
For nine grand a year plus maintenance? 
Kids, eh?
Yeah, you're better off out of it, mate.
Well, I don't mean that. 
I don't mind really, cos I love them...
Carl...
I'm letting you go, Carl.
I thought so.
When you closed the blinds, I thought, "Here we go.
Bullet in the head time."
I can't lose my job, Grant.
I'm sorry, it's out of my hands.
It's not your decision?
By which I mean I have no choice.
You're expensive, Carl, you make mistakes, you lack motivation...
My head's been elsewhere. 
It has.
But I can address that, I mean, I am addressing it.
And it's time for you to do something different.
I can't do anything different.
Find something. 
Take time!
There'll be a package - you've been here a while, so it's generous.
It won't be enough.
You don't know what it is yet.
Will it be enough for the rest of my life?
For my family, for my kids?
Change is always scary.
You're telling me.
But it's a very fluid job market.
You think so?
With all those shiny new graduates out there. 
Do you think that's what they're looking for, eh?
A solid, middle-aged salary man?
I can't lose my job, Grant.
I'm sorry, mate.
And don't call me "mate".
Don't kick me in the head and then call me "mate".
I love you.
So much.
That's nice.
Now go to sleep.
TRAIN ANNOUNCER: 'This train is for London Waterloo.'
Why didn't you tell her last night?
Cos you know why.
I mean, if I don't take the train I...
Go home and tell her. 
Straightaway.
What about us?
We'll be apart for a while.
You know, for 12 years I have hated that train.
Wasted hours, just routine.
And now that I don't have it any more, I'm...
I am lost.
You'll be back soon.
I think - and bear with me on this one -
I think it's a good thing.
No, listen, I'm not saying it's not a shock and I'm not saying "don't worry", cos I know you will.
But we've got savings.
They're not meant for this, though, are they?
Well, what else are they for?
University, you know, holidays, retirement.
Then we'll economise. 
You can refund your season ticket, cancel the gym.
We can live off lentils and make clothes out of old curtains.
Sell one of the kids.
Don't make fun of me.
I wouldn't dream of it. 
But we are fine, we're luckier than most.
We can live off my salary while you can look for something more local.
Something that's not going to have you clutching at your left arm in five years' time.
And I'm not even joking, I do keep waiting for that call.
Work's hard, isn't it?
It's meant to be hard.
Yeah, but it's not meant to kill you.
I love you, Carl, but you have been unbearable these past few years.
Sorry but it's true.
No, I know.
This is our chance to start afresh.
I'm too old to start anything.
Well, you're old but you're not too old.
It's just humiliating. 
I mean, What'll the kids think?
They'll understand. 
It's shaming, you know? 
I feel ashamed.
For what possible reason?
Of course, once you've joined you'll be able to use the facilities in all of our branches, open...
Kerry... 
Yeah?
..could you just take over for one second?
TV CHANNELS CHANGE
Will you please stop doing that?
Christ. 
I've got to get out of here.
I'm going to go for a run.
Now? 
It's pouring with rain.
Why don't you wait till morning?
Have you seen my phone?
Why do you need your phone?
Just so I can listen to music.
Oh, there it is.
Don't look at me like that.
I'll only be what? 
Half an hour. 
OK?
Quick, quick, quick! 
Do you know, I had to stand on the train on the way home?
I was so indignant about it.
I wanted to say, "I'm a pregnant woman! 
How dare you?
!"
Maybe you should stop.
Work? 
You want me to lie in bed for 32 weeks?
I'm not ill, I'm pregnant.
No, I know, I know.
I just want to keep you here, all by myself.
Every minute of the day.
Bit like a hostage?
Exactly!
My beautiful hostage.
PHONE BEEPS
Oh, it's Kerry.
Wants me to cover for work tomorrow.
When can we tell people?
At the wedding?
Yes, we can make an announcement.
Will we need to adjust your dress?
PHONE VIBRATES
CRASH!
It's a recruitment consultancy, they're not promising anything.
They just want to "assess my skill set". 
Whatever that is.
I didn't even know I had a "skill set".
You didn't mention anything last night.
I've only just checked my e-mails, haven't I? 
It only came last night.
It's a last minute thing, they just want a chat. 
It might be nothing.
It might lead to something. 
Exactly.
I've got to rush, I'm going to get the 7:39.
It's a bit early, isn't it?
I've still got my season ticket, haven't I?
Might as well use it.
Look, I'll give you a call, let you know how it goes. 
Bye.
I'm thinking of cancelling my membership.
Are you sure that's a good idea?
My situation has changed.
Yeah, mine too.
OK, well...
I'll get the cancellation forms.
Unless you want to talk me out of it?
You look smart.
I hope it's for an interview.
No, it's not an interview, it's a consultation.
So it's an interview about an interview, you know?
Well, that's good. 
See? 
I told you.
Back on the train in no time.
Yeah, I hope so. 
Fingers crossed, eh?
There's no interview.
No, I thought not.
I've missed you, Sally.
I've missed you too but, Carl...
I know, but I mean like a lunatic.
I'm sitting at home...
Carl, what do you expect to happen?
!
Describe the sequence of events!
How does this end happily?
I have absolutely no idea.
No, me neither.
So what?
Is this is it?
Goodbye, yeah?
Come here.
Oh...
Oh, no.
What? 
What?
Carl, I'm so sorry.
Maggie...
Maggie! 
Don't you DARE!
Shall we find somewhere? 
To what?
To talk.
I do not want to talk and I don't want to cry in public.
Christ, I've been humiliated enough as it is.
Do you want me to explain?
I want you to go away.
There's a train in two minutes.
Do not get on the same train as me.
Of course I'm going to get on the same train! 
Maggie...!
That's my season ticket, Maggie!
DOOR CLOSES
How was the interview?
Maggie... 
With the recruitment people, did it go well?
I was so pleased when you told me, watching you skipping out the house all full of hope and dressed up.
Don't be like this. 
Oh, what? 
Am I making you feel uncomfortable?
She's a friend of mine.
A little more than a friend.
Yeah, a little more, yeah.
How long has she been more than a friend?
A month.
And how many times have you been more than friendly?
Six or seven.
Well, at least it's not double figures.
And when was the first time?
That train strike. 
You know, when I was stuck up in London.
When you spent the night in the hotel.
It was just going to be the once.
But you couldn't help yourself? 
No.
Oh, couldn't resist, it was too much.
The attraction was just too strong It wasn't like that.
Well, things aren't going that well with Mrs M.
Not the same old spark. 
Not surprising after all these years.
We never talked about you. 
It's got nothing to do with you.
Oh, I think it's got something to do with me. 
But it's not because of you.
I've always been happy here, there's never been anything missing here.
I've always loved it here, I've always loved you.
So why? 
Is she younger?
No. 
Yeah, a little bit but... you know, in many ways you're similar.
Well that's flattering, that she reminds you of me.
That's not what I... 
I'm just trying to explain. 
I don't want to hear it!
What could you possibly say?
That you were stuck in a rut?
Me too!
That you felt invisible, under-appreciated, not special any more? 
Me too!
That you sometimes wanted more sex or different sex?
Or you felt old and tired and ugly and dull and you just wanted to know what it felt like to be fancied again?
!
There is nothing 
- NOTHING - that you don't feel that I don't feel just as much and maybe more!
But I don't do anything about it because I have a family that I love and I would not betray them!
I met someone.
And I felt something for her and she felt something for me.
All right? 
We never looked for it.
If I'd sat on a different seat or got on a different train, this might never have happened. 
And I know you don't want to hear this but we couldn't help ourselves, OK?
Do you love her?
I love the idea of her.
I love seeing her and I love being with her.
Do you still love her?
I think I possibly might, yeah.
But I love you too and, I mean, I love you both.
Doesn't work like that. 
The new one pushes the old one out.
I'm going to stay here and you're going to pack a bag before the kids come home.
What are you going to tell them?
I don't know yet.
Right, you ready? 
OK, don't laugh.
"I, Ryan, take you, Sally, to be my wife
"and these things I swear.
"I promise to love you and to take care of you.
"I promise to listen to your problems
"and to do my best to understand.
"I promise to support you financially..."
I'm not sure about that bit, might be a bit too practical.
"..but to respect your independence too."
PHONE VIBRATES "But most of all I promise to be your friend."
Sorry. 
That won't happen on the day.
Well, I don't mind, as long as you don't pick up.
"Hi, can't talk now, I'm at the altar." So, carry on.
Erm... "But most off all I promise to be your friend
"and to give you 110%,
"whether it's mathematically possible or not."
Little joke there.
Oh, you don't like it, do you?
I mean, well... 
This is just a first draft. 
Sorry, give me one second.
Yeah, no, no. 
Go, go, I need to...
How are you?
'A bit shaky, to be honest.'
She's talking to the kids now and then I'm going to see them tomorrow.
Christ knows what I'm going to say.
'I am so sorry.'
'It's not your fault.'
Isn't it? 
It feels like it is.
Sally, look...
There's no reason any of this should affect you.
'You know, I've not mentioned any names.
'Maggie doesn't know who you are, so you're...
'You're safe.'
So you should just stick to your plan.
'Carry on with your life and... '..be happy.'
OK?
You ready? 
Where are you?
One minute.
Ryan...
I've been seeing someone.
I've been seeing someone.
A relationship.
Tell me his name!
Just a man I met on the train. 
No!
Carl. 
Carl is his name.
He know about us? 
Yes.
He knows we're engaged?
What about the baby?
! 
He doesn't know about the baby. 
Ryan, you're frightening me!
Is it his? 
No!
How do you know? 
How do you possibly know, you stupid woman?
Because we were always careful.
You're hurting me, Ryan!
We're fine, everything's fine!
I'm sorry!
DRAMATIC MUSIC
I made a friend on the morning train.
And, erm...
I hadn't made a friend for a while and...
I know you look at adults and think that we've grown up and out of all that stuff but we haven't.
Anyway, the friendship turned into, well... ..something else.
And it was meant to be a secret.
Not that that makes it OK but you weren't supposed to get hurt, you know?
Or your mum either.
If there had been any other way, I...
What? 
Not to get found out?
It wasn't something that Sally and I... 
Sally!
..entered into lightly.
Just so you know, this moment here, right now, sitting here with you two - it's the worst moment of my life by far because I love you two and I hate the fact that I've hurt you.
So does this mean I'm going to have a stepmum?
No, no it doesn't mean that.
Cos you and mum are getting back together?
I don't know. 
I don't know.
I'd better go.
Mum said to give you this.
Bye, Dad.
But I don't understand - you could have got away with it.
I didn't want to "get away with it".
Standing there in front of everyone thinking,
"This is the happiest day of my life 
- I got away with it."
A vow's a vow, isn't it?
Besides, he'd have found out somehow.
Was he angry?
Well, he wasn't that fussed.
No, I mean was he violent?
You know, did he...
Did he hit you?
I think the thought crossed his mind.
It's the first time I've ever seen him lose control. 
I...
I didn't think he was capable.
God, if he'd hit you, I'd...
I wouldn't get too heroic. 
He's in slightly better shape than you.
I'm sorry, I...
For weaving your web of temptation?
Well, no...
I've made my own decisions.
God, and now I've got to tell my parents and his parents, all our friends.
Oh, Christ. 
It's like trying to... stand still in a burning house and I just want to run out and I can't.
Well, maybe we could.
What? 
We'll just go away.
Together? 
Yeah.
My mum and dad have got this cottage.
It's miles away from anywhere.
You want me to meet your parents?
Christ, no!
They won't be there - that's the point. 
It'd just be us.
I've got a key - just a place we can hide for a bit, you know?
Just catch our breath.
Ryan! 
Do you know what you've done, you bastard?
! 
Ryan!
Do you?
! 
Do you?
!
Please! 
DO YOU?
!
DRAMATIC MUSIC
So he met your fiance, then?
He has.
I didn't expect this to happen.
No, of course you didn't.
I've never really thought about you.
Which is wrong, I know.
Oh, you think so?
He was a bit lost, I think and...
I was too and we just...
We happened to find each other.
He does adore you, you know.
That never changed.
I know it isn't any consolation.
No, it isn't.
But I don't think we're bad people.
No, bad people never do.
Mrs. Matthews?
I told them not to call you - it's completely unnecessary.
They said you were unconscious.
Concussion.
Just some cuts and bruises, that's all.
Well, at least something good has come out of all this.
You should see the other fella.
Not a mark on him.
I thought he was a jogger. 
I thought he was just going to jog on and then he started kicking the crap out of me.
He's a professional athlete, for Christ's sake.
It hurts when I laugh.
Yeah, me too.
Well, I only came to turn off your life support and you're fine so I'll say goodbye.
Maggie... 
I can't do this, not yet.
We were a team.
A really good team.
I thought so anyway.
So I don't want you under the illusion this'll to make us stronger or that we'll be able to chat or some crap like that, cos it won't.
This has destroyed us.
What do you think? 
It's beautiful.
So are you absolutely sure?
I'm absolutely sure.
But how can you be sure?
Biology, arithmetic.
We were stupid about some things, but we were always careful about that.
But even then so there must be a tiny chance...
Carl, if he or she gets to five years old and suddenly has your eyes then I'll give you a call.
But I know the baby's Ryan's.
Congratulations. 
I'm sorry.
That combination.
God, no wonder he hit me so hard.
You're lucky he didn't kill you.
I bet want to kill me as well, don't you?
That's why I'm here.
So, how are you feeling?
Confused.
Nauseous.
Scared.
I thought about it happening for years but... ..I never imagined doing it alone.
TV CHANNELS CHANGE
Can we watch just one thing?
Yeah, sure.
I always thought pregnancy was supposed to be an aphrodisiac.
I think that only works if it's your baby.
I can hear the sea.
Yeah, me too.
I couldn't sleep at all last night.
Me neither.
I thought it was supposed to be soothing.
No, not because of that.
It's just that I wanted to say... look, I know this wasn't in the plan and things got out of hand and stuff and...
..it's not what we expected or what we wanted but... ..but one thing I don't feel - what I won't feel...
..is regret.
Cos I don't regret meeting you, Sally.
And I don't regret kissing you or falling in love with you... 
Carl.
And I want you to consider that you, me and...
Carl, you don't need say it.
Why not?
Because you don't mean it.
We were better on the train.
We were better there - it was just us two.
Out in the world, we'd just...
It wouldn't work.
I know what you want... and it's fine.
We had a fine time for a while, didn't we?
You're sure you don't want me to come with you? 
I'll just come to the station or something. 
No.
All that hanging out the window, waving goodbye? 
It's all right.
Be good.
I always was before.
So...
There's just no point being stubborn.
I've decided to look on this as a wobble.
A wobble?
Yeah.
You've just had a wobble.
I've never heard it called that before. 
Sal, please.
Just let me continue.
Basically, there's too much at stake here.
Not just our futures and the baby's but... the deposit too, and all the organisation.
And I refuse to throw all that away.
So I'm prepared... to just say, "There.
"OK, that... 
That happened."
And now we continue exactly as planned.
In other words,
I forgive you, Sally.
You've just had a wobble.
Can I come in?
PHONE ALARM BEEPS
"Such a wagoner as Phaethon would whip you to the West..."
Is that, "Phae-ton" or "Phae-thon"?
Or even "Thae-thon"? 
Could be.
No, go on, carry on.
It's really good.
"..and bring in cloudy night immediately...
"Spread thy close curtain, Love-performing night.
"That, unawares, eyes may wink, and Romeo,
"leap to these arms, untalked of and unseen..."
Sally!

I'm going to miss my train.
Ryan, I thought I got Mondays off.
I'm going to smell that all day now.
Cat food. 
Smell that.
Why would I want to do that?
I'm going grey.
So do what I do, dye it.
No, I don't mean just my hair, I mean my face.
Look, skin's like window putty.
I look knackered.
Well, feel free to jump in any time you want.
Actually, Ryan, if I could be alone?
No? 
Oh, OK. 
Hi.
I told you not to put things in halfway through the cycle.
It's a washing cycle, isn't it?
There's nothing "eco" about it if you have to wash it twice.
And will people leave the thermostat alone, please?
!
I'll See you tonight!
Bye!
See you later!
Anyone?
Anyone?
All right.
I've got total body pump at 10:30 and boxercise at lunchtime.
Enjoy Boxercise. 
Go and make them suffer.
I've got to go fight for a seat.
Kick them in the ankles.
Love you. 
Love you. 
No, love you.
I actually do have to go.
I know. 
See ya.
See ya.
Platform one for the 07:39 to...
Here we go. 
Elbows out.
.. A trolley service of drinks and light refreshments is available on this train.
This train is for London Waterloo.
Excuse me, you're in my seat.
Sorry, is it reserved?
I was just putting my coat up.
I don't see a reservation.
No, there are no reservations.
So it's your seat because?
Because I saw it first. 
You reserved it with your magic eyes?
I was putting my coat up and you barged in.
I didn't "barge" in.
Snuck in, sneaked, sneaked in.
I didn't "sneak", I sat down.
There are rules, etiquette, otherwise it all becomes a bloody free-for-all! 
No need to shout.
I'm not, I could just do without this on a Mon...
Fine, just have it. 
Just have it.
No, no, no! 
If you need it so badly, I'll just get up.
I'm actually getting off at the next stop. 
Really? 
Yes.
Are you sure? 
Thank you.
That's very kind.
What a kind man. 
Thank you.
Very kind. 
Thank you.
Yeah, thank you.
So, everyone's happy.
This train is approaching its final stop.
This is London Waterloo.
Change here for London Underground services.
Please remember to take all your personal items with you when you leave the train.
Anyone drown? 
No.
But it's early.
Who leaves plasters in the pool?
It's the men.
With their verrucas and their athlete's foot.
Pleasant journey, then?
Some man bawled at me for sitting in his special seat.
I swear that commute's going to kill me, Kerry.
Two hours a day breathing into someone's armpit then home to sit with Ryan and discuss confetti.
Let's talk about work.
I love work.
Who here likes their work?
Monday morning I wake with a silly grin on my face cos I get to see your lovely fresh faces.
Bank holiday? 
Waste of time.
Easter, what's that about?
I love targets, deadlines, I love it all.
But perhaps some of you haven't noticed, it is a competitive market.
And if anyone here thinks there's time to sit around watching videos of cats while our clients have got properties standing empty -
7,000 square feet in Leyton, this warehouse in Uxbridge - then they are mistaken.
THESE rents pay your rent.
Sorry, Jubilee Line...
You stopped for coffee, Martin.
Now...
I've lost my train of thought. 
We're finished.
Just erm... get on with it, will you?
Look at him.
Can't even manage a hot drink.
One of your appointments, isn't he?
Well, he's a dead man walking, Carl.
Really?
What? 
You want me to erm...?
Would you mind, awfully?
Couldn't we just give him a written warning?
What, another one?
They've just had a kid.
Well, if you're really worried, tell him it's my bad.
No.
My responsibility.
"With great power comes great responsibility. " Where's that from?
I don't know, I'm sorry. 
Spider-Man.
By end of week, if you please.
Candles and a live band.
It's your own little bistro.
What is this exactly?
Frere Jacques, I think.
No, I meant the black stuff on the fish.
Tapenade. 
I know it looks like a tanker disaster but you can scrape it of with the back of your knife - that's what I did.
No, I love it. 
A taste of the Med.
I need a new violin.
And where's our beloved son?
Play rehearsals.
Christ, not again.
I've only just got over Equus.
I said I need a new violin.
And how much is that going to cost me? 
I don't know,?
400?
I'm not made of money, Charlotte.
This one's awful.
Well, is that the violin's fault?
Just give it a break, will you, maestro?
I'd pay her four hundred quid to pack it in.
What?
It's expensive, but the big plus is we can do the whole wedding in the same venue.
Sal?
Look, they've had a cancellation and we've got first refusal.
It's a bloody great castle, Ryan.
What, you think it's too much?
Not if we come under attack by Vikings, but it's just me and you getting married.
"Just".
The thing is, I've done the big wedding thing before.
The bagpipes and smoked salmon for 200 and I hated every second of it. 
Not with me! 
You weren't marrying me.
Which is exactly my point.
You know, it's different this time.
Do you know what I would love?
Me and you, sneaking into a registry office on a Saturday afternoon.
I don't want to sneak anywhere.
I want the whole world to know.
Yeah, I want the world to know too.
I just don't want them all at the reception.
I'm not doing this for fun,
I'm doing this cos I want everything to be perfect. 
And it will be.
I just question the need for a portcullis.
Oh, come on, don't sulk.
Please?
Let's go to bed.
Let's sleep on it, yeah?
I shouted at this woman on the train today. 
Like a nutter.
That's me.
The nutter on the train.
You're tired, that's all.
And it's only Monday.
Let's go out. 
Just me and you.
Somewhere that's not a parents' evening or a school play.
Are there places like that?
I could meet you in London, get a hotel, go for dinner, go dancing.
What, in a nightclub?
A special club for old people.
Glen Miller and orthopaedic chairs.
I haven't danced since our wedding.
Ah, the day the music died.
Love you. 
Love you too.
Argh...
I've told you a million times, you've got to rinse the plates before you put them in.
See you later.
That was completely out of order yesterday.
I really don't want to have that debate again.
No, me neither. 
I wanted to apologise. 
Oh.
It's this journey, you know, it makes people tense.
Especially me on a Monday morning.
Veins popping out of my head, tingle down my left arm.
I was probably a little abrupt too.
Yeah, you were terrifying.
Quite rightly, though.
It's just you had the Holy Grail - front-facing, near the exit, big table. 
That's like a lifeboat on the Titanic, you've got to fight for it.
I'll bear that in mind.
Bye. 
Bye.
We seem to be walking the same direction. 
Yes, we do.
Bit awkward. 
Yeah.
So how long have you erm...?
Week four.
Was I ever so young, so naive?
So, old-timer, how long have you been...?
12 years, no parole.
Five weeks off for good behaviour.
Portugal usually.
I'll let you go on. 
I'll see you tomorrow, 7:39.
Just don't let me find you in my seat, all right?
Joking. 
Sorry.
Well, what can I do?
I'm at work!
Yeah... 
I know.
Look, I will try to come home early.
Yeah.
Well, as soon as possible, yeah.
Right, yeah.
Can we talk about this later, please?
Right.
This train is for London Waterloo.
Sorry, someone's sitting there.
It's a colleague. 
We're having a meeting. 
So, erm... 
OK.
Pssst...
Thank you.
How is it?
It's all right.
Do you know it well? 
Yeah.
Well, I've seen it on telly.
Same thing.
I saw you reading yesterday and it inspired me.
Some people on this train just pretend to read so they don't have to talk.
I carried Harry Potter around with me for five years.
If it's so you're left alone, I don't mind.
No, no, it's not that.
I thought, now that I've got this commute,
I'll read all the books I should have read at school.
But I've been on the same page for 10 days now.
Yeah, you look a bit distracted.
Did I?
Is she the one who throws herself in front of a train?
Oh, well. 
Who could blame her?
Sorry, I think I just gave away the ending.
Oh, I don't think I'll be getting to the end.
Not with me disturbing you.
You're not disturbing me.
If she set her alarm a bit earlier, she could do that at home.
I do my make-up on the train sometimes.
Well, that's allowed, isn't it?
Not cutting your toenails though.
No, that's crossing a line.
Makes a change to actually talk to someone.
I thought that was against the rules. 
It is.
What, 250 days a year?
Two and a bit hours a day, say 600 hours, giving a 16-hour waking day, that's... 37 days a year on this train with these people.
That can't be right.
One year in every ten.
That's more than I spend with my kids.
I still don't know anybody's name.
I listen to their phone calls... see them eat and sleep, see them drunk.
We nod at each other sometimes or we moan about the weather, but none of us know each other. 
Not really.
Yeah. 
That's depressing.
Yeah.
Sally. 
Sally Thorn.
There you go, an actual name.
Carl Matthews. 
Well, Carl.
Now we're in trouble. 
Yeah.
I didn't want to leave London.
I said, what about the art galleries, the restaurants, what about the theatre?
Then Ryan pointed out we never actually went to the theatre.
Is that your husband? 
Fiance.
Still, it's a long way to move for an extra bedroom and some decking.
You got kids? 
We're trying.
A lot.
But you don't need to know that.
On the other hand, if you're the landlord with 10,000 square feet to fill, you want a long lease. 
In this uncertain business environment, it's not going to happen.
Erm, I've got to go. 
My work's this way.
Oh, I'm sorry. 
I'm boring on.
No, not at all! 
I want to know more.
What train are you getting back?
Well, the 18:49's not bad if you push up to the front, you know?
Spread your stuff out, eat a bag of chips, you can get a double seat.
Another handy tip.
Yeah, I'm full of them.
See you there.
No porn at the office, please, Mr Matthews.
Client's here.
Any thoughts on our friend Martin's departure?
Erm...
I thought I'd give him until Friday.
If you say so.
We are now approaching our next station stop.
Please remember to take all personal items with you when leaving the train...
Hey, hey!
Nearly there.
Thank you.
How long have I...?
Since Waterloo. 
I was erm...
You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to disturb you.
Not drooled, have I?
No, you haven't.
Stay calm. 
I will.
Don't lecture him, don't say, "I'm not made of money. "
don't lose your temper, just be sensitive.
I know how to talk to my own son!
Sometimes you don't.
So why don't you do it?
I have. 
It's your turn.
I must warn you, he was lighting candles.
I'm learning my lines.
What is it this time?
Brecht, oh.
Bertolt Brecht.
Verstehst Du sowieso nicht.
Right, well...
If this is more career guidance, I'm not changing my mind.
No, I don't want you to change your mind.
I just, you know, want you to think hard about it.
And then change my mind.
Well, it's not exactly vocational, is it, Adam? 
I mean, you know,
Theatre Arts, it's...
Couldn't you just do your acting as a hobby?
It's brutal out there, Adam.
You know, I see it every day.
I see 50 guys chasing the same job.
Graduates as well.
You know, and it's not cheap...
If you don't want to contribute...
No, I don't mind that, as long as there's a decent job at the end of it.
Like yours, you mean?
No, not like mine.
And don't be...
I'm trying here, mate.
I know.
But it's what I want to do.
We've got electricity now you know, Shakespeare.
You just flick this switch...
Look at that.
Just don't burn the house down, that's all.
'Theatre Arts. '
I've got this waking nightmare that I'm going to walk across
Covent Garden one afternoon and there he is, painted silver.
Standing very, very still.
I love him as well, you know...
He's just a... pretentious little sod.
He's just going through an arty phase. 
We all have an arty phase.
I didn't.
I had a home-computing phase.
I always wanted to be a dancer.
Really.
Contemporary, ballet, tap, modern.
I was barely out of a leotard until I was 19.
So what happened?
Real life.
I always wanted to be a chef.
I mean...
Not a cheffy-chef, you know?
Just someone who could cook really, really good chips.
Maggie and I used to talk about it.
Getting a little restaurant or a pub outside of London.
Well, what stopped you?
Kids, money, fear.
You know, same thing, real life.
I still can't believe you're old enough to have a 17-year-old son.
Well we started early, you know?
Don't know why I'm surprised.
It's a lot less weird than me having a fiance at my age.
I thought someone would have snatched you up a long time ago, that's all.
Snatched up then put back down again.
I was a divorcee, now I'm a fiancee.
What happened?
If it's not too personal a question.
Another time.
So, what? 
We must be near neighbours.
Erm, no, I'm in that direction actually.
About a mile.
Hey, here... 
Mint for the booze.
It's an old commuters' trick.
I'll see you tomorrow.
You know, actually I was going to...
Go on.
You'd say if it was inappropriate, wouldn't you?
Yes, I will.
It's just this gym of yours. 
You know... all the booze and crisps and sitting on my arse, it's taken its toll, so...
I just want a bit of life back.
Unless you think that's a bad idea?
No.
No, we're always happy to welcome new members. 
Great.
I'll fix you an evaluation.
For Monday?
Well, who evaluates me? 
I do.
Unless you'd want someone...
No, no, it's fine. 
It's just, you know, make allowances.
I'll give you my e-mail.
It's on the website.
I mean, I presume, it's on the website, isn't it?
Yeah, it is on the website.
I look forward to hearing from you.
OK.
Gentle, sad and lonely.
You're not really selling him, Sal.
I'm not trying to SELL him.
And what does Ryan say?
What's Ryan got to do with it?
Well, if this is so innocent, there's no reason not to tell him.
Just cos we're getting married, he doesn't need to know everything about me.
Except he does.
I think that's sort of the point, babe.
Ryan.
Can I at least take my coat off?
Not tonight, Ryan, please.
I've got a Zumba migraine.
I've cancelled the castle.
You have? 
Mm-hm.
No white horses, no helicopters, no bagpipes.
Just you and me.
God, I love you.
What is this terrible music?
My new playlist!
For legs, bums and tums.
Legs, bums and tums. 
God help me.
Did the trick though.
Here's hoping, right?
You know, Ryan, most men don't want their brides pregnant on their wedding day.
I do. 
Great.
Little foetal bridesmaid.
Well, there's a disturbing image.
Well... we can't hang about.
That's what the spare room's for.
So this isn't an official warning?
No, I'm afraid it's not, no.
I mean, obviously we'll pay you to the end of the month.
Bryony's nine months old.
I know that. 
It's just...
If you're not on the ball, if the work's not right...
I can be, it will be.
We're up all night.
I'm knackered, that's why I...
It's just, it's not...
I can't go home and tell her this.
We've just bought a flat.
If there's anything I can do...
Not sack me?
No, I mean in terms of references, putting a word in? 
You could not sack me.
It's out of my hands.
So it's someone else's decision?
Who is it?
Is it Findlay's?
No, no, it's... it's my bad.
"My bad"?
Fuck off, Carl.
Fair enough.
He took me to the student union canteen, which was self-service.
And we stood next to each other with our trays, little bit self-conscious, and he said, "You can have whatever you want.
"Soup and a roll, main, sponge pudding, knock yourself out. "
I never said any of that.
We had cod in parsley sauce and I thought, "He's a catch.
"He's a keeper. " And he was, God help me.
Just so you know I'm going to be late one night a week from now on. 
Oh, why's that?
He's having an affair.
Adam, I'm eating.
As a matter of fact, I've joined a gym.
Right.
OK, screwdriver.
Scalpel, forceps, nurse, mop my brow!
This is a Stanley head.
I need a Philips head screwdriver.
I'll put the grill on. 
NO! 
No grill!
I don't even like barbecue.
Why can't... 
Got to be white hot, hasn't it?
It's basically like burnt food. 
It'd be quicker to put the sausages on the radiator.
So can I go now? 
No! 
What's so urgent? 
Just a party!
I'm not asking to come, I'm just curious.
I'm just trying to make conversation with my favourite son. 
Can I go too?
Look, I'm trying to cook us all supper here.
It's going to taste like paraffin anyway.
You know why he can't put the grill on? 
The grill represents failure.
Pack it in, Adam, will you?
!
For Christ's sake, all week I'm up and down on that train and all I want is just one night of conversation with my children.
You know, without "I don't like it" and "Can I leave now?"
Is that too much to ask for, eh?
Is that too strange?
So freakishly bizarre?
Mmmm.
Paraffiny.
Is it about me?
No, it's never about you.
Is it about the kids then?
No, not just the kids... 
I'm just...
I'm exhausted, that's all.
You've been exhausted for the last 15 years.
Which is exactly my point.
I work hard too, you know.
I know, I know. 
I don't know if you've noticed, it's not without stress and I don't take it out on the kids.
I know, I know. 
I appreciate it.
Look, come here.
I'll apologise. 
OK?
Maybe we need a holiday.
The trouble with holidays is you've got to come back.
Oh, God, Carl...
I just...
You know, I just want some normal, straightforward family life.
That's all.
This is it. 
This is what it is.
Now, will you promise me one thing?
That you will never barbecue anything ever again.
No.
Carl, any chance of a quick word?
Oh, I'm just on my way out.
Oh, really? 
Why's that then?
Job interview?
No, Charlotte - it's a school concert.
Isn't that what the lady wife is for?
I'll get in early tomorrow.
Part-timer!
We shut at 6:15.
Yeah, if you arrive by six, you should be able to...
Hi. 
Can I help?
Yeah, my name's Carl Matthews.
I'm here for an evaluation with Sally Thorn.
Ah, the notorious Carl.
Pardon?
Yes, I'll take over from here, thank you.
Mr Matthews. 
Miss Thorn.
So this is what happens.
You join and for a while you're here four times a week, then three, then two, then once a week, then hardly ever.
But you feel guilty and can't be bothered to cancel your membership so we keep taking your money until you finally give up out of pure shame.
So, where do I sign?
There and there.
Sorry!
There you go. 
OK.
Now, do you exercise?
Well...
I run for the train.
To be fair, I've never seen you run.
OK. 
Well, I used to play a bit of football.
A footballer? 
When?
Eh... 1983.
"Weekly alcohol consumption?" A glass of wine is two units.
Well, I fill a recycling bin.
So what's that, about 20?
We add ten.
And now just so I don't have to give you mouth-to-mouth first time out, any medical concerns?
I don't know, probably.
I've started making this little noise when I stand up.
And if I sit down too quickly, a button flies off.
Oh, and I grind my teeth at night and wake up with my fists clenched.
But... 
All right.
Let's get started then, shall we?
Doesn't this music drive you mad?
On a loop for nine hours?
I close my eyes at night and all I can hear is nts-nts-nts!
Go on, keep going.
So, what do you think?
I'm especially liking that face you're pulling.
It's like passing a gallstone!
It seems quite impressive to me.
Uh-huh.
There's no way you could lift this.
Let's move on, shall we?
No, you couldn't lift this.
This is very childish.
Go on, then.
I don't want to embarrass you.
No, go on.
A pint says you couldn't lift that.
So unprofessional.
No way!
Well, I've been doing all the others, haven't I?
Oh, you can stop now, I'll buy you a pint.
That was unbelievable.
You're like some bricky or something.
Oh, thank you!
Next time I'm going to look at your swimming. 
You can swim?
Have you ever seen otters at play?
So, shall I walk you home?
No, I can look after myself.
I saw that!
You could probably kick the crap out of me.
Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
Oh!
Ow!
Oh... ah.
Did I tell you I made a new friend on the train?
"Made a new friend"?
What are you, nine?
Do you want him to come over for a play date?
Actually, his name is Sally.
Oh! 
Well, you're a grown man.
Not sleeping with her, are you?
She's not my type.
I'd like to think that's not the only reason.
Eh?
Entirely self-taught.
Yeah, I sort of guessed that.
Ugh, I'm exhausted.
Well, I've pinpointed what's wrong and it's everything.
That bad, eh?
Beyond repair, sorry.
Ryan teaches swimming.
You should talk to him about it.
Ryan? 
Oh, Ryan.
Is there anything he can't do?
A few things.
He used to teach Xtreme Body Pump here on Thursday nights.
Xtreme Body Pump?
!
Mm, with a capital X.
That's where we met.
He complimented me on my Body Mass Index.
Oh, that old line, eh?
!
He's freelance now.
He gets loads of work.
He's unstoppable, constant state of perspiration.
Every time I look round, he's bench-pressing a chest-of-drawers.
He can't even go for a newspaper without weights tied to his ankles.
Sounds exhausting.
It can be.
He's very reliable... methodical.
He dry-cleans his jeans.
It sends me crazy!
It's like a sauna in here, ain't it?
Someone had to say it, I suppose.
Hey, closing up now.
We'll let ourselves out.
Thanks, Kerry.
All to ourselves.
Eh, there's a train at 10:32. 
So...
Plenty of time.
One last swim?
Yeah, fine.
Come on!
Hang on. 
Ah, I've got a stitch.
Ah! 
We'll miss it. 
Come on!
Keep going. 
Keep going.
No! 
No!
I lost a lung outside Boots.
What time's the next train?
12:02, gets in at half one.
Come on, then. 
What?
You owe me a drink, remember?
My first husband was the complete opposite.
He was a DJ. 
Oh, you're cool.
No, not really.
Everyone was a DJ in the '90s.
At least they said they were.
Andre...
God, we had some mad times.
He was very handsome, very charming.
He just thought it was a shame to waste all that exclusively on me.
I can't really blame him.
We were far too young.
How young?
26.
I'd been married four years by the time I was 26.
Well, you weren't a superstar DJ.
No, that's right,
I was in marketing.
Do you want to do something really rare?
Come on!
Whoa, hang on, that's first class!
Look, it's like some magical wonderland!
Never once? 
No, never.
Never been tempted?
You know, slow-dancing at a Christmas party...
A team building exercise in 2006- a bit of flirty paintballing.
Flirty paintballing?
It was...
Yeah, that was it.
You know, you think about it, but it just gets to the point where you've got too much to lose.
And besides, I love my wife.
She's my soulmate.
A bit corny, isn't it?
You know? 
I mean, there's nothing she doesn't know.
She finishes off all my sentences.
Ryan finishes mine and gets them all wrong.
Sorry, I'm being a bit boring.
Not boring at all.
I had a nice night.
Yeah, me too.
A bit too nice, I suspect.
Well, I'll... see you in six hours!
God, I want to cry.
You'll be all right.
Just drink lots of water. 
Eh?
That's not why I want to cry.
Some...
Sometimes I feel like I can't do this.
You know, it doesn't seem natural for every day to do exactly the same thing.
I don't feel like I've done enough!
And then I think, "Well, what are you expecting to happen?"
You know? 
Ryan...
He's a nice man.
He's nice.
We all grow up and settle down eventually, don't we?
It's not the growing up, it's the settling down.
I try and see my face in that picture and I just...
I can't do it.
I think if you love each other, and you're happy,
I mean generally, you know, most of the time then...
That's enough, isn't it?
Is it?
Christ, I bloody hope so.
And what time do you call this?
The train was late so...
You just go to sleep.
You reek of chlorine.
"What time do you call this, young lady?"
You turned your phone off.
That's allowed, isn't it?
Why didn't you just go to bed?
Well, it was your turn to cook supper.
All I've had is four energy bars and now I can't stop shaking.
Right.
Drunk on a school night?
I don't have school nights!
Fine. 
They're your kidneys!
Yes, they are my kidneys!
At least until the wedding anyway.
I was worried about you, that's all.
Goodnight.
'Platform 1 for the 07:39 South West train service to London Waterloo 'calling at Guildford and London Waterloo. '
If I could just get a word in edgeways.
I'm just wiped out, that's all.
In fact, I think I might head up.
I'll see you in a bit.
Just we were supposed to be meeting.
Sorry, she's not here.
Well...
Start again!
'Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, 'we are momentarily being held at a red signal 'but will be on the move very shortly.
'We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause. '
Can I have a gin and tonic, please?
And I'll some crisps - the sour cream and chives.
The healthy option?
They've got chives in them.
Not real chives, artificial chives.
Can they do that nowadays?
Same again, please.
I waited for you.
I skipped the 7:39, the 7:53...
.. the 8:02.
I thought maybe you were trying to avoid me.
No, I just thought I should... you know, take a different train for a while.
I found myself lying to Ryan.
I've never done that before.
Well, you know, I've lied about my five-a-day, but never about where I've been.
I've never turned my phone off and...
I just thought, you know, why would I do that to the man I'm going to marry?
You're not doing anything.
Well, unless I am.
Carl, have we been flirting?
Well, I haven't. 
Have you?
Is that really so bad?
Not bad, just... futile.
I'm getting married in July!
And, I mean, you've got a family and I've got Ryan, and he's a lovely guy.
He's a lovely man and I don't know, it just seems...
Futile?
Dangerous.
You know, you get to a point in your life and you think,
"Is this it?"
I've got all my friends now, I've got my family, my job.
Same faces every morning, same sandwich for lunch.
You know? 
But you...
You're just... you're new and I haven't talked to anyone the way that I talk to you,
and I don't hate Monday mornings any more.
And the worst part of my week?
It's the best part of my week.
And I'd be lying if I said you're not attractive, you know, because you are.
I'm sorry, there's nothing you can do about that.
Should I not be saying this?
Go on.
I just think it's a shame, you know?
You're down in coach G and I'm up there in coach B, just staring out of the window, you know? 
It's just...
Unless I'm boring you.
No, not at all.
You're not, I feel the same.
I love seeing you every morning.
Do you?
Of course I do.
I think I'd go nuts otherwise.
Well, what's the harm?
We'll just be... .. sensible.
And keep it on the train. 
OK?
'Final hopes of a breakthrough 'between management and members of the RMT... '
'National Union of Rail Maritime and Transport Workers Union 'broke down last night... ' '.. with no agreement reached. '
'The strike, due to start at five this afternoon... '
'.. is already bringing travel chaos to London and the South-East, 'with motoring organisations reporting long delays. '
Why don't you work from home?
Oh, yeah, I'd love to hear what Findlay said about that.
"I'm sorry, Grant, I'm going to work from home today,
"hope you don't mind. "
But you'll be stranded!
They're not all on strike, are they?
I'll just be late back, that's all.
Dad? 
Listen, I've got to go.
I'll keep you posted. 
Dad!
Do you know about this?
Look, I'll just stay over at Kerry's.
Worst comes to the worst, I can find a hotel.
I had us pencilled in.
Soft lights, bit of baby-making...
I wish you wouldn't call it that, Ryan.
Well, what do you want me to call it?
I don't know, Xtreme Body Pump?
Sorry. 
Don't look like that.
Look, I'll keep you posted. 
OK?
See you.
Hello there.
Working from home, my arse!
They're all in bed, watching Murder She Wrote.
How's tricks, Carl?
What do you mean? 
Personally?
At home, at work, what's the mood generally, work-life-balance-wise?
Just fulfilling my pastoral duties.
Oh, you know, the usual.
What is "the usual?" I don't have kids so I wouldn't know.
Well, you know, it's just hard.
Just... balancing stuff.
Because frankly you seem a bit distracted, recently.
Mind elsewhere, eye off the ball.
No.
No... 
Why? 
Should I be worried?
Not in the least.
You know me. 
I'd let you know if I wasn't happy.
'Due to industrial action, 'all services from this station are currently suspended.
'We apologise for any inconvenience this might cause. '
So. 
What happens now?
I don't think so.
No. 
It's a bit much, isn't it?
Maybe I'll just sleep on Kerry's sofa. (Yeah.)
OK. 
I'll try and get a train. 
Yeah.
Unless... 
Yeah?
We could just ask, just check.
Yeah, we could just ask. 
Yeah.
Our best price on a standard room.
That's a week at Center Parcs.
As you can imagine, there's a great deal of demand tonight.
We'd need two separate single rooms.
Sorry.
I do have a twin room.
Two single beds in the same room?
That's correct.
At this price.
We could push the beds together, if you wanted.
No, that's not necessary. 
Thanks.
Separate beds is fine.
So which one would you like to...?
I don't mind.
Well, I usually sleep on the left, so...
Me too.
Well, let's both sleep there.
I'll sleep on the right.
I'm just...
I'm just going to freshen up.
Yeah, sure.
Oh!
Room service!
I managed to smuggle this past the doorman.
You know what this reminds me of?
A skiing holiday I had when I was a kid, with the school.
French Alps... 
Ooh!
.. smuggling in fags and those little bottles of beer, you know?
It was the first time I'd stayed in a hotel without my parents.
Illicit, adult, mucking about with the ice-machine, smoking out the window, setting off the fire extinguisher.
It was anarchy, to be honest.
I still get that today. 
You know, that feeling, when I'm in hotels.
Like Miss Gerrard's going to burst in and catch me any minute.
I brought a change of clothing.
Are you expecting a message?
Sorry, it's just a nervous tic, you know, checking my phone every two minutes.
I do the same thing.
Why do you do that, do you think?
Maybe we want something to happen.
Maggie.
OK.
Listen, I better get it. 
You know...
Yeah, there's no reason not to.
Hi.
Thank you. 
Just, you know, getting a bite to eat.
It's just a crappy little tourist hotel, you know?
Shared bathroom down the corridor, it's nothing special.
'Aw-w! 
Well, steal us a towel.
'And come home early tomorrow, won't you?
'
'You sure you don't want me to drive in and pick you up?
' No!
Absolutely not.
'The traffic will have cleared. '
Ryan, promise me, do not drive into London. 
OK?
I'll be fine.
I'll be home tomorrow night.
'OK.
'Well, make the most of it. '
What do you mean?
'Well, this may be the last night of our lives we spend apart. '
Yeah, let's hope so.
What are you doing now?
'Oh, the usual.
'On the sofa watching telly, dinner on my lap, 'pint glass of warm white wine.
You?
'
Yeah, just waiting for my food, yeah.
'Lamb madras, naan, basmati and a spinach bhaji. '
Yeah, that's right...
'Aw-w, you're so predictable!
'
Yeah.
Well, predictably I miss you.
'You too, Carly.
Want me to call you before bedtime?
'
No. 
No, I'm going to have an early night, you know. 
So...
I love you.
'You too, sweetheart. 
Sleep well. '
Yeah, and you. 
Bye.
How was that?
Yeah, no problem.
You?
All clear.
I think we should acknowledge what's going on here, don't you?
OK, look, we do this once, just once, just tonight and then never, ever again.
No, just once. 
You know, it's a fling.
Get it out of the way.
Get it out the way?
No! 
I mean, you know, just clear the air.
Yeah. 
No, exactly - we clear the air.
And then tomorrow, we go back to being friends on the morning train.
With no regrets, no guilt and no apologies. 
OK?
Because there is no point otherwise.
And we don't tell anyone.
No, nobody. 
No-one.
You know, just no drunken confessions or anything like that.
It's ours.
It's ours and we take it to the grave. 
OK?
Yeah, agreed. 
To the grave.
Let's get the bill. 
I'll pay.
No. 
I've got to pay.
I've got to pay cash, as well.
I said I was having an Indian.
God, that was a stupid lie.
Why did I do that?
Are we about to make a mistake?
I don't care.
We need to press the button!
Oh, yeah.

MATURE JENNY: 'Christmas comes at the closing of the year.
'It is a time for reaching out, looking back, 'finding comfort in the magic of a season that endures.
'It is when we take stock, 'when we measure joy and pain.
'It is when we say this is who we are, what we have now become, 'and when we acknowledge what we cherish most of all.'
Philip?
I can't find it anywhere!
Are they in the box with the tree lights?
I would never put it in there!
Madison, help me! 
Help me!
Hannah?
Hannah, please. 
Please, Hannah, please.
Please, Hannah. 
Hannah.
Come on. 
Hannah, please wake up.
Please. 
Go again. 
Okay, okay.
God.
No.
Please.
Let me say good-bye.
No. 
Father!
I'm sorry.
You've been like a sister to me.
I love you.
It's not until your last breath is taken can you cross over.
Okay.
The police were here.
And they questioned me about the girls you were with.
They're dead.
Yes.
It's okay.
- No. 
No, no.
- He's gone.
I killed him.
No.
He hasn't been killed.
He's been waiting.
Isabelle.

(emmett) previously on gracepoint...
You have to change all this.
(emmett) I can't.
You don't, you'll end up dead.
It's like he was in a boat, or he was put in a boat.
(ellie) there's mark's boat straight ahead.
What?
Blood.
Danny wants you to know that he's okay.
Don't look for who killed him,
Because he knew this person well.
He doesn't want you to be upset.
Did you kill danny?
Babe, how could you even say that?
You need to tell me who gave you that cocaine.
(jack) I saw him with someone.
Backpacker.
He had a bandana on.
Danny--he looked far more interested
In talking to him than he did in counting whales.
(hugo) evidence control found this in the lining.
Whose number is this?
Lars pierson, 24, afghan war veteran.
He got a general discharge.
We're looking into why.
He lives in a cabin outside palmerton.
Neighbors haven't seen him in more than a month.
His property is now sealed off by the county sheriff,
Who insists he needs a court order to search it.
A boy is a dead, but he needs a court order,
So we're trying to get one.
Pierson's cell phone number was found in the lining
Of danny's jacket.
I want to know why.
I want to know if pierson is linked
To the $500 found in danny's room.
I want to know if the $500 is linked to the drugs
Found in the solano house.
I want to know if pierson has danny's skateboard
And cell phone.
Re-interview everyone.
Show them this picture.
Do not show or give it to the press.
Understood?
Okay.
Go.
Detective miller.
Yes.
Chloe solano to see you.
Dean's a good guy.
He's getting his g.E.D. While he works two jobs,
His uncle's restaurant at night,
On the docks in winstead during the day.
Plus dealing drugs.
No, he doesn't.
Chloe, what did you just tell me?
I--he got it for me as a favor.
He didn't even want to.
How long have you known him?
Four months.
Well, I've been with him four months.
I met him before that.
Is he older?
He turns 18 in August.
His uncle's pushing him to enlist,
But he doesn't want to.
He likes-- chloe, I don't need
His whole life history.
But this can't ruin his plans.
He's gonna apply to eureka community college,
Then try to transfer out.
It's a--
[sighs]
Chloe, listen.
If dean is such a great guy,
How come your parents haven't met him yet?
Hmm?
(mark) oh, my mom wants to book her flight.
Is Sunday okay?
This Sunday?
Yeah, she doesn't have to stay with us.
I can get her a room at the inn.
Course you will.
What do you think?
[sighs]
Why don't you ask her to wait?
Mark, I know she wants to help.
'cause she's his grandma.
She's grieving too.
Have her come for the memorial.
But we're not having a memorial.
Well, actually we never decided that.
Paul has offered to help us arrange one.
I would like to do it.
At the church.
Will you just think about it?
We should be having a funeral.
I mean, if they would just do their jobs
And find out who didn't--
Well, they haven't yet.
[solemn guitar music] ♪
Ah, just the woman I'm looking for.
Your keys to the hut on harvey ridge.
Better have you sign for 'em.
I wouldn't want trouble if they go missing.
You recognize this person?
Could do with a bath.
I'd scrub him clean, he was my boy.
Do you know him?
Never seen him before in my life.
Why did you lie to me about giving mark solano these keys?
You not only gave them to him,
You handed him a check for the work he did.
Did I?
Are you lying to me about recognizing this person?
Not that I recall.
Come on, I'll sign you back in.
Quick question.
Do you recall ever seeing this man?
No.
Who is this?
Well, I can't really say at the moment.
Okay, is he a suspect?
Well, we're calling him a person of interest.
Is beth still running?
Yeah, I think so.
What's a person of interest?
When do you expect her back?
That's the one.
That's the hiker who was up on osprey point
That I was telling you about,
The one that was with danny,
What, three weeks ago now?
You sure about that?
I've been thinking about him ever since we spoke.
He had a bandana on.
But that's the fella.
Like I said, I wish I'd said something at the time.
Hiya, jack.
Hey, ellie.
Ready to go, sir?
Yeah.
Let me know if you see him again.
Take my card.
All right.
You call me right away.
Yes, sir.
[knock at door]
He said it was someone danny knew.
By "he," you mean...
Raymond, the psychic.
I talked to him.
I thought you might do that.
[laughs]
Sorry.
Can I come in?
Of course.
Of course.
80 miles an hour.
Aren't you the eager beaver today?
What?
What did you just say to me?
Did you not get the sexual harassment booklet
They hand out at work?
You should see your face.
I'm totally kidding.
But seriously, "eager beaver"?
I mean, what decade are you living in?
Peppy.
Excuse me?
Peppy.
You're very peppy.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
Forgive me for feeling optimistic
That we're finally getting somewhere.
After a week of nothing, we finally have two solid leads.
Two solid leads not from your town.
That's not true.
Isn't it?
No, dean grew up in gracepoint.
He just happens to live up the road now.
He said danny was on a boat
And that he wasn't in any pain.
That must've been comforting.
He also said that I should stop looking,
Because whoever it is, I wouldn't want to know.
And t-this is a, um, a telephone repairman--
I don't care what he does, paul.
I only care what he's telling me,
If there's some truth to it.
You think there might be.
I don't know.
I mean, you talk to god, right?
He talks to whatever he calls it,
His spirit guide.
Isn't that sort of the same thing?
Who decides that his messages
Are any different from yours?
Of course, if you ask your husband,
Both of us are deranged.
Ha.
I can't even imagine.
Look, you're so vulnerable now.
Anyone who seems to have answers--
Yeah, but no one does.
The police are nowhere.
They tell us nothing.
What if he's right, paul?
What if it's someone danny knew?
[sighs]
Why is there so much damn water everywhere?
It's called the ocean.
We live on a coast,
Which tends to be connected to a lot of water.
(emmett) is that him?
Yeah, I think it is.
Dean?
Dean iverson?
Dean.
Dean, stop!
[dramatic music] ♪
[boat motor sputters]
Jump out of the boat!
Now!
Onto the dock!
Onto the dock now!
Now! 
Put your hands behind your head now!
Sir, are you all right?
Hands down.
Down!
[discordant music]
(ellie) you almost got yourself shot, you know that?
Why were you running from us?
Maybe 'cause I didn't want to talk to you.
Look at detective miller when she's speaking to you.
Dean iverson, how well did you know danny solano?
Not well.
He was chloe's brother, so I saw him around,
But hardly at all.
Did you give danny $500?
What?
No.
Did you give it to chloe?
No.
To your knowledge, was the $500 we found
In the solano home in any way linked to the cocaine...
No.
That you gave chloe?
No, absolutely not.
Do you know this person?
Why?
Who is he?
(emmett) do you know him?
Where'd you get the cocaine from?
I don't sell drugs, okay?
It's important you know that.
I only did this once 'cause chloe asked me.
I never do this.
Dean, dean,
Where did you get the cocaine?
From a guy who works here.
What's his name?
Mickey.
Mickey...
Felton.
Mickey felton.
Is mickey felton here today?
Can you tell us where he is?
That him in there?
[clears throat]
Come out, douche bag!
Hey, okay.
You guys got here faster than I thought.
You knew we were coming?
You're not here to take me in, are you?
He's the one you oughta be-- why don't you just let me decide that?
One simple question:
Did you sell dean iverson a gram of coke?
One time only.
And I hope that he's not telling you otherwise.
And when was it exactly?
Two weeks ago yesterday.
I went to reno to help my granddad.
By the time I came back, it was all over the news.
I'm sor--what-- what was all over the news?
What do you mean "what"?
The dead kid.
Detective carver.
Do you mean danny solano?
Yeah, I saw his picture.
I recognized him right away.
Okay, mickey, I'm gonna have you start over again,
And I'm--I'm gonna want you to be very clear here.
You met danny solano.
Did you meet him through dean?
I wouldn't say that I met him.
He came with dean for the coke.
He stayed back on the bike.
The two of them were fighting about something.
Kid pissed dean off big time.
Isn't that why you're here?
You're coming to dinner tonight.
Didn't I tell you to stay away from me?
I got the menu all worked out.
You need to eat.
Think I'll survive.
Let's hope so.
What the hell does that mean?
I don't want anything to do with you.
You don't have a choice, vince.
You and I need to talk.
We have to work this out...
Together.
I'll see you at 8:00.
That was a long run.
Where were you?
My mom just called me.
What's this picture they're showing around?
Why haven't we seen it?
Well, we have seen it.
No, I've seen it.
It's right there.
Right where?
Did ellie bring it?
No, pete did.
Well, this is from chloe's school.
Why can't they tell us anything?
It's right here.
They're saying that danny had his number in his jacket.
I mean, you think that they would tell us
More than just that, you know?
Where you going?
Beth!
Raymond connelly.
Father.
Hey.
You're not a congregant, I know,
But I was wondering, could you and I talk a moment?
Uh...
Sure.
It's from a place of concern.
Beth solano came to see me this morning.
Oh, I hope I didn't upset her.
I never meant to.
I think she didn't quite know what to make
Of what you told her.
A lot of it wasn't very specific.
Like, I wish I could've said more.
No, better you said less.
Listen, I have a name here
Of someone you might want to speak with instead.
Gina weston's a friend of mine.
She's in kinnelon, highly regarded, discreet.
She's a psychiatrist.
The choice is yours, of course,
But I'm sure you know that hearing voices--
The voices I hear are different.
You should get that, I'd think.
Some things are spiritual.
Yes, I know.
Then why did you give me the card?
The fact is, I find it inappropriate--
I find it inappropriate
For you to harass a grieving woman,
Someone you don't even know,
Pretending to offer guidance.
If the solanos need help, they've got me to turn to.
Me.
You leave them alone.
I'll let you get back to work.
Father.
I'm...
Very glad that beth has you.
I know how close you used to be.
(emmett) did you fight with danny solano a lot?
No, I did not.
Do you want to revise your earlier comment
That you hardly knew danny?
No.
And yet, though you hardly knew him,
Danny found himself on the back of your motorcycle
A couple of weeks ago.
You were on your way to buy drugs for your girlfriend,
Who happens to be danny's sister,
And your dealer sees you...
He's not my dealer.
Outside his house yelling at danny.
I wasn't yelling at him.
That doesn't sound like someone you hardly knew.
Danny was a lonely kid, all right?
He was always looking for a friend.
Sometimes he'd ask me to hang out,
Take him for rides, play video games.
He was my son's best friend.
Well, I never saw them together.
After danny quit his dad's soccer team,
He spent a lot of time alone.
Said mr. 
Solano was disappointed in him.
He told me one day,
"nobody knows me.
Nobody has any idea what I really think."
What do you think he meant by that?
(ellie) you didn't ask him?
How did danny end up on your motorcycle?
After chloe asked if I knew
Where to get this tiny amount of coke,
I was driving up the 101, and I see this kid.
It's danny, so I pull over.
Ask him if he's okay.
Tell him he shouldn't be walking out of town like that.
Did you ask him where he was going?
He just started begging for a ride,
So I gave him my helmet.
I figured I'd take him home later.
He'd be safer that way.
What were you arguing about in winstead?
I stopped for gas
At the station up the road,
And when I went in to pay...
Danny followed me in.
And then when we got off the bike at mickey's,
I saw he had this new crossword book
And, like--like, a souvenir pin.
He said he swiped it like he was proud.
I was telling him not to do that,
Not to steal stuff.
Teaching him the eighth commandment
While you're buying cocaine.
Where were you last Thursday night,
The night danny disappeared?
Dean.
I was working at my uncle's restaurant,
All right?
He lets me live next to the place
As long as I work three shifts a week.
I clocked in.
I clocked out.
Go check.
And he'll probably freak out on me
For bringing the cops around,
Maybe even kick me out,
But what do you care?
I'll take the uncle.
You take the gas station.
See if anyone remembers them.
See if they have cameras.
Sir, what happened earlier?
What?
On the docks, you looked--
(woman) detective miller?
Yes.
Beth solano--she's been sitting there for an hour.
[sighs]
Beth, I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
Were you talking to him while I was sitting here?
No, we weren't talking to him.
Well, who were you talking to?
Why don't you come in here?
We can talk privately.
I'm sorry, beth.
I'm not at liberty to say.
What else are you sorry for, ellie?
Are you sorry you haven't told us
What's going on in three days?
Are you sorry you haven't told us
Who the hell this person is?
Why you're asking everyone about him,
Everyone except me?
I told pete to show you and mark his picture.
I don't want pete to show us the picture, ellie.
I don't want to talk to pete.
I want to talk to you, but you avoid us.
You tell us nothing.
I am truly sorry, beth.
I--
And you should be talking to us,
Especially about this, because I have met this person.
What?
I have met this person!
He came into the visitor's center.
It was my Wednesday shift three weeks ago.
And you're certain it was him.
Yeah, no question.
He had this gigantic green backpack.
He had short-- really short hair.
A beard.
He smelled like propane.
Asked about campgrounds.
I gave him the map,
Then he asked about hunting permits,
And I-I told him it was off-season.
Did he say anything else?
He was strange, ellie.
Perfectly civil, but odd.
He also--
What?
He noticed a picture of danny and chloe
On my desk.
He asked if they were my kids.
(ellie) so he asked about danny.
He said that I had a beautiful family.
Beth, it's all right.
Okay?
We will find him.
Will you?
[ominous music] ♪
[honk honking]
(mark) I just drove by our savior,
And there's a picture of danny in that little display thing.
Paul must've put it there.
Oh, yeah, you think?
And there's a little quote that says something about
Lightness and dark
And that it's okay that danny's dead
Because god's gonna make it okay.
I doubt that's what it says.
Yeah?
Can you tell him to take it down?
Mark.
What--it's not gonna stay up there.
I almost ripped it out myself.
Why don't you call paul and talk about it?
Because I want nothing to do with him.
I never have,
Not for christmas, not for easter,
Not for freaking Sunday school,
Which you know danny hated,
And especially not now.
Where you going?
I'm getting dressed.
[sighs] god.
You should see what he's doing.
He went on tv twice, talking for the family,
Pushing this memorial service.
He's not pushing it.
It's something I want.
Well, I don't want it.
You know what he's doing?
He's trying to get in between us.
Do you see that?
Are you gonna leave so I can change,
Or should I go into the bathroom?
You can't be naked in front of me?
Not right now.
I don't feel like it.
(owen) aunt ellie.
Oh, my god.
You are stubborn.
Don't even ask.
It's not about the case.
Well, I'm sure it can wait.
It's about mom.
I checked in with her support group,
And she hasn't been there in weeks.
And I talked to her.
She said she's been out most nights
At some knitting club.
Well, tell her I could use a new hat.
I went to the bank machine yesterday.
Cleaned me out.
I thought she was getting better.
Yeah, so did I,
But I tried to talk to her about it.
She either denies or...
Hangs up the phone on me.
I know you're busy.
I just--I don't know what else to do right now.
I'll go see her.
I don't know when, but I will.
Hang in there, okay?
(emmett) I checked the uncle.
Dean was working in the restaurant that night.
What have we got here?
Um, it's danny in the gas station,
Just like dean said,
But it's like I...
I don't recognize him.
I--it's danny, but I--
I don't know this child.
Our angel wasn't such an angel after all.
What does that mean?
What, that he got what he deserved?
Please tell me that's not what you're saying.
It's just that this fills in the picture
A little more clearly.
What did his mom want?
You talk to her?
She said she met pierson at the tourist office
The day before he talked to danny.
He came in looking for a hunting permit.
We...
We really need to find this guy.
Yeah, I'm aware of that.
And she also was very upset about the fact
That we've been keeping her in the dark.
Okay. 
They want to know everything,
We'll show them everything.
No, I-- let's send dean on his way,
Go show 'em the tape.
No, no, no, no.
In this case, I don't think that is a good idea.
They don't need to see this sort of thing.
Beth is disturbed enough as it is.
Follow the evidence.
Inform the family.
Don't get emotionally involved.
We'll visit the solanos tonight.
(emmett) all right, you can go.
Hope you're happy.
I'd be happier if you could give us
Fingerprints and a cheek swab
Before you go.
Do I have to?
Well, strictly speaking, it's voluntary,
But we'd advise it;
it's a big help.
Then you'll file that away,
And then ten years from now
When someone thinks my fingerprints
Look a tiny bit like someone else's,
I end up in prison.
No, thank you.
Just trying to fully eliminate you from the picture.
You talked to my uncle, didn't you?
Doesn't that fully eliminate me from the picture,
Or are you having a hard time believing
The ethnic folk in town?
Dean, don't.
I have to go home and deal with him now.
Thank you for that.
(susan) I'll take the dark one.
It's a good-looking bird.
20.
I'll bring him out back, then deliver him to you.
No, it's all right.
I'll take him now.
Got a special guest coming to dinner tonight.
Hey.
Yeah.
You're a good one.
[bones snap]
A dead 12-year-old boy had pierson's cell phone number
Stuffed into his pocket.
You don't think it's reasonable
To take a look around his property,
Find out if he's got something of danny's, maybe?
His cell phone, which we're still searching for.
I want to take a look as much as you do...
Don't bet on it.
But the judge doesn't believe we've got reasonable cause.
Find a new judge.
Carver.
Emmett carver.
Please do not call me emmett.
Please don't walk out on me while I'm talking to you.
Pierson's discharge from the army--
Pretty impossible
To break through military confidentiality,
But palmerton police spoke to a pharmacist
Near his home.
Eight months ago, he renewed a prescription--
Risperidone.
What's risperidone?
An anti-psychotic.
[somber music] ♪
They made me tell them.
I know, I know.
Please don't be mad.
I'm so sorry.
I know.
It's all right, okay?
[metal grinding]
[knock at door]
Yeah?
Vince, it's tom.
Hey, what's up?
Your mom said you were back here,
And I was wondering if you'd help me fix my skateboard.
The wheels have been sticking, and I can't figure out why.
Yeah, just put it top-down right here.
So how you been, tommy?
Sorry about your friend.
How you holding up?
I'm okay.
Your mom figure out what happened to danny?
I don't think so.
Well, she have any ideas?
I don't know.
I hardly ever see her anymore.
She even know you're here?
No.
[soft dinner music plays] ♪
Something came for you today.
[package rattling]
Some goodies.
Oh, thanks.
You're not drunk-dialing, are you?
No.
No?
Oh, well, no, of course not.
I mean, you wouldn't drunk-dial, would you?
You wouldn't drunk-dial anybody.
You're so...
You're so even-keeled,
Not like me.
I mean, that was a nightly occurrence
When my ex left.
I had score me some of those
Little happy pills to get me through that down spell.
Ssris.
You want to know a little secret?
[whispers] I still take them.
Really?
Although, I mean, I shouldn't say secret, should I?
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Everyone's got something going on.
Listen, I hope that you don't judge me.
I made a mistake with mark solano,
But I'm a decent person, actually.
Impulsive, yes.
Lonely, for sure.
But I'm decent.
Okay.
[bell dings]
Oh, I think that-- I think your food's ready.
Yeah.
Oh.
Ha.
How's he doing in there?
Good, I think.
He seems awfully quiet.
Is he mad at me?
He might just miss you.
God, I know.
I know.
It's killing me, but what can I do?
I mean, I have to go out again tonight, and--
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I'm not criticizing you.
I just know how he feels.
I miss you too.
Uh...
How about some chocolate ice cream, honey?
Uh, sure.
Great.
[ellie sighs]
He and my boss should get together.
They can just grunt at each other.
Oh, tonight's gonna be a lot of fun
With my pal emmett carver.
(joe) hey, you know what?
Why don't you invite him to dinner?
What?
Even just to make sure you get another meal at home.
Invite who to dinner?
Carver.
What?
Kill him with kindness.
I mean, I don't have anything against the guy,
Except he makes you so miserable.
[groans] let me help you out.
And then maybe he'll be so grateful,
If it goes well, that, you know,
You can help me out.
(ellie) I see what this is all about.
(joe) that's what everything's about.
[ellie laughs] [low conversation]
[mouthing words]
[sighs]
Should I rewind?
You want to see it again?
No.
I don't understand it.
He forced danny to go with him.
He says danny asked to go, begged.
No, danny would not have done that.
What did we just watch?
I am saying that wasn't him.
Danny was innocent.
I know that he never did drugs.
We can't know for sure.
No one is saying he did.
What we still want to know is
Whether this incident connects
To the money in danny's room.
We're hoping maybe you know something.
Well, you should've asked us about the money
When you found it.
You wait this long to tell us?
When did you get the tape?
Today.
Beth was very clear this morning,
And we can understand how frustrating--
No, yeah, that's one word for it, yeah.
We want to be as open as possible from now on,
And we want to explain everything to you.
Except you're not, ellie.
Nothing you are saying is making any sense.
Today, there was this backpacker.
Now you're showing us someone else
Who took our son to buy cocaine.
I mean, who-- who even is he?
How did he meet danny?
That's...
That's chloe's boyfriend.
What?
I saw 'em together.
They were-- they were together.
Is that true, chloe?
Is it?
He didn't hurt danny.
Oh, my god.
You knew this?
When did you see them, mark?
This afternoon, right off main street.
And you say nothing?
You are worse than they are.
No, no, I'm trying to protect you.
I knew that it would upset you!
And this wouldn't?
This wouldn't, mark?
To find out this way from them,
That my daughter
Is seeing a drug dealer?
No, no!
[all shouting at once]
No, I can't-- I can't do this anymore.
Chloe!
Damn it, get back here!
Nice work.
Nice work.
(beth) damn it!
[door clicks]
No, not now.
I don't want to talk about it.
I do.
Did you really not know about it?
What else don't you know?
They're telling me that he's 17,
Almost 18 years old.
He is.
Dating a 15-year-old.
Sound familiar?
No, no, don't give me that.
Go ahead and ask, dad.
I know you're dying to.
Are you having sex?
Yes.
Except we're using condoms,
Which is more than you and mom did.
You know what?
You can't talk to me like that.
No, I can, actually.
I got you out of a holding cell,
Because I saw how you and gemma fisher
Were looking at each other
While I was working at the inn.
It makes me sick to even think about it.
I probably changed your sheets.
Do you want to talk about that too?
[suspenseful music] ♪
I hope you're happy.
Why is everyone saying that to me today?
I'm never happy.
Well, you deserve to be as miserable
As you make everyone else.
I didn't say I was miserable.
Do you know what you just did?
All that family had left
Was the memory of their son,
And you just shattered it.
Maybe it deserved to be shattered.
What?
Who says such a thing?
How can you even justify--
Because they wanted to know everything.
'cause I turn every stone, maybe I find something.
I have one goal.
One goal.
To find danny's killer.
Now, maybe you don't share that goal.
What?
Maybe some things are more important to you.
Nothing is more important to me
Than finding danny's--
You know, I just can't-- I cannot--I just--
Why don't you come for dinner?
What?
Now?
No, not now.
Another time.
Why?
Because you are new in town.
Because that's what people do
When someone is new in town.
You invite them over to your house for dinner,
Especially when that person is your boss.
That's what people do.
When?
I don't know.
I didn't ask.
My husband is inviting you.
So why don't we say tomorrow?
What will we talk about?
I have no idea.
Hopefully not work.
Could you just say yes?
Please just say the word yes.
Yes.
Okay, excellent.
It will be so nice to have you in my home.
Good night.
Right. 
Good night.
[knock at door]
Hey.
Hey.
It's you.
Now, that's what I call a welcome.
Feel all warm and special inside.
No, I-I wasn't-- I wasn't expecting you, sorry.
You okay?
Yes, why?
It's just I saw you at the police station
Around lunchtime talking to detective miller.
You looked really upset.
I got concerned.
Yeah.
Well, you know, ellie's my aunt, so...
We were talking about family stuff.
My mother is having problems,
Financial and otherwise, so...
Well, we've all got our problems.
Me--I'm trying to decide if I should stay here or leave.
Leave?
Leave, like, gracepoint?
No one seems to want me around.
I can't tell what you want yet.
Feel like forgetting your troubles for a while?
Yeah.
Come on.
[sighs]
All yours.
I'm sorry.
What for?
I should've told you about chloe.
Can we-- [sighs]
Can we please try to stop fighting?
Every morning I wake up... [sighs]
I think maybe--
Maybe they'll tell us something.
Maybe--I don't know-- they'll call
Or show up
Or, god, tell us what happened
To danny, and instead,
All we find out is...
How little we knew him.
That's just one day.
And now chloe...
It is too much for me, mark,
How you can spend your whole life with people,
Devote every waking second, and--
God, I feel like such a fool.
Come on, beth.
I don't even know my own family.
That's not true.
It isn't?
Promise me there's nothing else I don't know about.
[phone line trilling]
Hey, this is julianne.
I know you're desperate to reach me,
But you're gonna have to wait.
Leave a message, and we'll talk soon, maybe.
Bye.
[somber music] ♪

NICK: 
Previously on Grimm...
Someone outside the family is carrying royal blood.
WOMAN: 
What do you suppose a royal offspring would be worth?
But we must trust each other, or there will be no stopping the royal families.
They will dominate the world again.
I want you to get to Adalind before they do.
You must leave immediately.
You didn't get her?
Someone tipped them off, and they escaped.
WOMAN: 
Someone close to you has betrayed us both.
Hey, you're gonna be okay.
Aswang.
(GASPING) (GROWLS)
(SCREAMING)
Now that we know what we're dealing with, what do we tell Wu?
We can't risk involving him in something that he doesn't understand.
But we can't let him think he's going crazy.
I know what I saw!
(THUDDING)
(STRAINED GRUNTS)
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
Hold on. 
Hold on, give me that light.
There's not supposed to be a room here.
Look at that.
MAN: 
We better get somebody from the university down here.
Careful, watch your step.
WOMAN: 
SS Phaedra, 1946.
Athens, Cairo, Malta, New York.
MAN: 
You want us to open it?
Yes!
(CREAKING)
Here, help me open it
Oh, my...
God.
HANK: 
I still think we should tell him.
You saw how he was.
Even if we wanted to tell him, he is not ready.
All I know is after I faced my first beast...
Whoa, Hank, we're right here.
Sorry.
My first Wesen.
Not that some Wesen aren't more bestial than others.
Don't get me wrong.
You saw how messed up I was.
Put a few bullet holes in the closet, couldn't sleep without my shotgun, but once Nick explained things, and you did too...
Took some getting used to, but here I am.
That's because Nick was your partner.
You already trusted him.
Yeah, I mean, if I hadn't already been connected to Nick's world and loved him and trusted him,
I don't know what my reaction would have been.
Yeah, but your life's a lot better now that you know, isn't it?
It's better with Nick, but if I wasn't with Nick,
I'm... 
I'm just not so sure I'd wanna know.
Like most people, Wesen is not for everybody.
It's one thing seeing a Fuchsbau or even a Blutbad, but an Aswang?
I mean, they scare even us.
If that was your introduction to Wesen and then you were told you're not imagining things, that could fry your brain.
I mean, I know I'm repeating myself here, but it could fry your brain for good.
ROSALEE: 
I have to agree.
I think we should wait and see how Wu responds to treatment.
Maybe he'll be okay.
What if he's not?
Then we have to tell him.
Originally, it was discovered...
MAN: 
Not right.
It's not right.
They have no respect.
It's unholy!
What do you expect from people who desecrate graves?
You've called this discovery momentous.
Can you tell us why?
Usually, a sarcophagus depicts a pharaoh or some other important personage carved on the surface, but this depicts an Anubis...
An Egyptian god of the dead.
Well, now that it's up, we do it, right?
Yeah. 
We do it.
Well, we've waited 70 years to see your 3, 000-year-old mummy.
We can wait a little longer.
This is Suzanne Li reporting from the new home of the mummy at the university.
Let's do this.
(GRUNTS)
(CREAKS)
We got it.
Let's get it out of here.
Not before I do this.
(MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY ON RADIO)
MAN: 
We gotta go.
(CLAN KING)
You know if somebody's supposed to be in the lab?
I heard something.
MAN: 
Unoccupied as far as I know.
(BEEPS)
You!
Stand out where I can see you.
(GROWLING)
(GUNSHOT)
(GRUNTS)
Karl.
I'm shot.
No!
Sorry.
I screwed up.
Hey!
(GUNSHOT) (GROANS)
MAN OVER WALKIE TALKIE: 
I heard gunshots.
What's going on up there?
Then the Aswang would flick its long black tongue and eat the baby.
No... 
Er, actually, no, not at first.
It would insert its tongue into the pregnant woman's stomach and suck out the amniotic fluid, and then it would eat the baby.
What else did your grandmother tell you about the Aswang?
The Aswang has sharp claws.
It can climb walls and trees and get you anywhere you are.
That no place is safe.
Can we talk some more about your experience when you saw the Aswang?
(SIGHS) Yeah. 
Sure. 
What would you like to know?
You said other people were there, but they didn't see it.
How do you explain that?
What I saw felt real.
How could it be real if you're the only one who saw it?
(SIGHS)
You guys can wait in here.
Thank you.
Well, hopefully he can talk to us this time.
Hey.
Hey.
Nick, Hank.
Hey.
How you feeling?
All right.
Welcome to club meds.
(CHUCKLES)
We can, sit over here.
Well, everybody misses you, says hi.
Gotta say, you look better than the last time we were here.
You guys were here before?
When you first got here.
(CHUCKLES)
Don't remember that.
So are they helping you here?
The good news is I'm not clinical.
Just a little paranoia.
No tumors or lesions in my brain.
Just the voice of my long dead grandmother.
Don't worry. 
I only see her in my dreams.
(CHUCKLES)
How's the food?
Memorable in so many ways.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Look, if you guys wanna stay for lunch,
I think I can probably get a reservation.
Burkhardt.
Yeah. 
Okay.
Well, I'm sorry, but we have a homicide.
God, how I miss the sound of a homicide in the morning.
Yeah, you're starting to sound like you.
We'll be back soon, okay?
Hope it'll be to take me home.
COP: 
The cabinets were spray painted.
We got one campus security dead and another one wounded.
One of 'em attacked the campus cop who shot the other one.
Now that's the cop's gun there.
He dropped it in the fight.
How's he doing?
He's pretty messed up about his partner getting killed.
Was he able to get a look at who attacked him?
Sort of, I guess.
He said he looked like that.
It was dark. 
Figured he must have been wearing a mask.
And also, the cop said that the lid to the sarcophagus was open, but it's closed now.
Nothing in his pockets, no wallet.
Have CSU run his prints when they get here.
Got two shell casings here.
9 mil, same as the cop's gun.
Could be the dead guy or his buddy grabbed the other cop's gun, shot this cop coming through the door.
Worst thing that can happen...
Your gun gets used to shoot somebody.
Doubt they keep any cash in here.
Maybe they broke in to steal the computers.
Why'd they open the sarcophagus?
Curiosity.
Yeah.
I'd be curious.
WOMAN: 
Oh, my God.
What happened?
Sorry. 
You can't come in here.
Step back outside, please.
No, I'm Professor Vera Gates.
This is my lab. 
I need to check the sarcophagus.
Let her in. 
We were just about to take a look.
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
Thank God it hasn't been damaged.
That's a kind of strange shape for a mummy, isn't it?
We haven't started our examination yet.
It could be a deformed human or some sort of manufactured religious artifact.
CT scan will let us know for sure.
Until then, let's close it.
HANK: 
Any idea what those painted symbols mean?
"I protect the dead."
Mean anything to you?
It's part of an inscription found in Tutankhamun's tomb.
Some people think of it as a curse.
What do you consider it?
I just want my lab back.
I have a lot of work to do.
As soon as we're done with the investigation.
Okay.
You think the mummy walked?
Oh, I don't know.
What do you think?
I hope not.
You asked for me?
Yes. 
Sit.
Drink.
I'm still working.
Well, for a few more minutes.
It's Armagnac.
It's very good.
You're gonna need it.
Have I done something wrong?
Actually, yes, but it's not too late to make it right.
All you have to do is tell me the names of all your friends in the Resistance.
Drink up.
He's all yours.
(COUGHS)
Dead intruder is Robert Jason Taylor.
24, Canadian.
Records for civil disobedience and vandalism.
What about the other man?
Just got confirmation from Interpol.
Karl John Herman, 27.
Dual Swiss-US citizenship.
His prints were on the gun.
That means Karl Herman's our killer.
NICK: 
Well, he is on the terrorist watch list.
Wanted for arson, theft, and homicide.
He targets museums, breaks in, leaves graffiti protesting the desecration of the dead.
Could explain his interest in the sarcophagus.
Campus cop said whatever attacked him looked like what was carved on the sarcophagus.
The mummy inside is also in the shape of an Anubis.
So you think it's possible that it's Wesen, fully Woged, mummified, and alive?
Probably not.
But we do think that Karl Herman could be Wesen.
Same kind as the mummy.
That's a hell of a connection.
Strong family ties?
Well, let's try to untie them.
What the hell's taking you so long?
Yeah, I know, but mistakes happen.
It couldn't be helped.
Tonight. 
I'm gonna do it tonight.
"How" is not your problem.
Just be ready.
(COOING)
How the hell did you get here?
What have you done?
What are you talking about?
Your baby.
She's right here.
But it's freezing in here.
The fire went out, and there's no wood left.
I saw her.
I picked her up.
She's been with me all night.
I could hear her heartbeat.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
What's wrong?
It sounds like a second heartbeat.
I'm... having twins?
!
Not that I can see.
I swear I was holding her in my arms.
How is that possible?
(FIRE CRACKLES)
ADALIND: 
I think she's the only one who can answer that.
MONROE: 
That is definitely not Kehrseite.
Is it even possible to mummify a Wesen in full Woge?
MONROE: 
I guess so.
I mean, if the Wesen were kept alive in a heightened state of fear or agitation.
And if the right drugs were used to preserve the Woge.
But once it's mummified, it couldn't wake up, right?
No, when you're dead, you're dead.
So this is a mummified Anubis.
It could be.
Hence the carving on the sarcophagus.
Anubis are Wesen?
I was just going to ask that.
Lots of Egyptian gods were Wesen.
That's why we're depicted as animal-like creatures on the tomb walls.
Way back when, Wesen were actually, well, worshiped.
Tefnut, Ammut, Bast, Khepri.
Total rock stars.
Literally.
The campus cop said he was attacked by something that looked like an Anubis, so they're still around.
Well, yeah, they're not extinct, if that's what you're thinking, but it wasn't this dude.
He'd be dead.
So then there had to be another Anubis in the room.
Yeah, well, this one is a cold-blooded killer with a political message.
Sorry, I'm not really up on my hieroglyphs.
You... 
You know what this says?
"I protect the dead."
Beati Paoli.
Beati Paoli, right.
But you really think nowadays, around here?
Somebody wanna tell us what this Beati Paoli is?
It's a Sicilian vendetta society made up of different Wesen, dedicated to the protection of Wesen culture.
Yeah, it was created in the 17th century.
They go after, like, museums, archeological digs, antique auction houses.
They'll even go after private Wesen collectors if they're trafficking in stolen Wesen antiquities.
ROSALEE: 
Growing up, every angry young Wesen wanted to join their cause.
And I'm not saying I condone their methods, but if this mummy really is Wesen, I have to agree, displaying it Woged is totally grotesque.
It's immoral.
It's a sacrilege.
This mummy is not only a part of our heritage.
It's our ancestor.
Sorry, I just... 
We feel kind of passionate about this.
Well, I guess it's time we hit the trailer.
You guys wanna come?
MONROE: 
Oh, yeah.
Love to, but our wedding planner's coming, so this tall guy is stuck with me.
Sorry.
Oh, hey, it's not gonna be so bad.
No, that's not what I was thinking.
It's just...
Maybe we should inform the Council about what's happened.
No. 
It's been all over the news.
I'm sure they would have heard it by now.
Besides, if it really is the Beati Paoli, the less we're involved, the better.
I guess so.
But we were gods once.
(SCOFFS) What happened?
(SCREAMING) (GUNSHOT)
(GASPING)
It's not real. 
It's not real, it's not real.
It's just a dumb... 
Dumb story.
It's just a dumb story.
(TAPPING ON GLASS)
(PANTING)
It's just a dumb, dumb story. (EXHALES)
JULIETTE:
I found something.
"Cairo, June 11, year of our Lord, 1928.
"Five days ago, I received an urgent request
"from Lord Herbert of the Royal Geographic Society.
"Two of their Egyptians had been brutally murdered
"at a dig near Karnak.
"From witness statements, I suspected the murderer was Wesen.
"As luck would have it,
"I had brought my Bell  Howell Eyemo,
"which enabled me to film some of my investigation."
You don't happen to have that film, do you?
I might.
There are a lot of old films in that cabinet down there.
Worth a look.
"Cult of Kali."
"Tunguska."
Look for something Egyptian.
How about a hieroglyph?
(WHIRRING)
Same type of sarcophagus that's in the university.
He looks a little like you, Nick.
Please, no full beard ever.
Why's he doing that?
He just Woged.
You can see that?
Yeah. 
Can't you?
No.
Me either.
Is there anything more in the book?
Yeah, there's more.
"After some coercion, the Anubis confirmed
"he was a member of the Beati Paoli."
That's what Monroe and Rosalee were just talking about.
"He told me that because Anubis
"were seen as gods by the Egyptians,
"pharaohs in the old kingdom believed that
"if they were buried with a mummified Anubis,
"they were assured of becoming gods themselves.
"They tortured to death thousands of slaves
"in search of Anubis, but only a few were ever
"successfully mummified in full Woge."
That's terrible.
No wonder they're pissed about displaying their ancestors.
"The Anubis further confessed that it was his intention
"to steal the mummy
"and give it a ceremonial burial.
"After assuring him I would do that,
"I dispatched him to his ancestors."
Well, at least we now know Karl Herman wasn't there to redecorate the walls... 
He was there to steal the mummy.
Well, if he tried once, he'll try again.
We better warn Professor Gates.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
What part of "closed" don't they understand? 
(LAUGHS)
Sorry, we're...
I know.
You're Monroe.
Sorry, we were never properly introduced.
I'm Alexander.
Relax, please.
I didn't call the Council.
Why are you here?
I want to talk to the Grimm.
VERA GATES: 
I'm not seeing any sutures.
No evidence that he's been sewn together.
This is incredible.
The cervical vertebrae and muscle tissue connect directly to the skull.
It's all one body.
This is unlike any deformity I've ever seen.
It's possibly the result of genetic mutation.
Professor Gates, sorry to disturb you.
We just need a couple of minutes.
Not now.
Now check out the claw-like hands.
There's no evidence of fabrication.
If this mummy has been faked,
I have no idea how they did it.
Professor, we need to talk. 
Now.
What is it?
We have reason to believe that the people involved in the break-in will try again.
We suggest you move the sarcophagus to a more secure location.
There is no more secure location.
The entire building is secure.
Well, it wasn't the other night.
Well, it is now.
And do you have any idea who this man is?
Yes, we have.
It appears their agenda is political.
Well, I don't care what their agenda is.
This is science.
I won't be scared into not doing my research.
This man is not your normal radical.
He's already killed once, and I don't think he's gonna give a damn about your science.
I've already hired additional security.
My lab is guarded both day and night.
Now, why don't you do your job and catch this guy and let me do mine?
I think this is one of the most important discoveries of the century, and I will not be intimidated by some activist thug.
Excuse me.
I think you did a pretty good job there.
Oh, yeah. 
I convinced the hell out of her.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Burkhardt.
MONROE: 
Hey, it's me.
What's up?
Remember that guy, Alexander, from the Council?
Don't tell me he's back.
Actually, he is back, here, at our house.
Are you and Rosalee okay?
So far.
He says he just got back into town and he wants to talk to you.
Put him on the phone.
Just, you know, cutting out the middleman.
Nick, how are you?
What do you want?
I'd rather not do this on the phone.
If you're nervous about us meeting, you pick the place.
Just stay there.
All right.
What's that about?
Wesen Council.
Now what?
Alexander's back.
(LINE RINGING)
(MAN SPEAKING GERMAN)
Leave a message.
I cannot come to the phone right now.
Why not?
Where the hell are you?
(GAGGING)
(SPEAKS GERMAN)
That's enough!
We want names. 
Where are Adalind and Meisner?
Where did you take them?
Sebastien, I'm very forgiving, if I have reason to forgive.
This situation is, how shall we say, very fluid.
So you can either change your mind or choke on your heroics.
No!
(CHOKING)
Hey.
Juliette.
I just wanted to see how you're doing.
Not so bad, considering.
Well, I'm here.
I'm glad you came.
Look, I... 
I've kind of been through something similar.
When I was in the hospital, all that time after I got out,
I had horrible nightmares and dreams.
Do you remember the night that I fired the gun in the house?
Oh, yeah.
There was some crazy stuff going on in my head.
Yeah, I thought Nick was gonna lose his mind 'cause you couldn't remember him.
And then when my memory did start coming back,
I thought for sure I was seeing ghosts.
Really?
I didn't know that.
It scared the hell out of me.
I couldn't see it clearly, but it was so real.
It was your memory coming back.
Yeah.
Did the ghosts go away then?
Once I realized what it was, but when it was happening, I was living in a nightmare.
But how did you ever get past the feeling that what you saw was real?
I decided it didn't really matter whether it was real or not.
I had to lose my fear of it.
And then what happened?
I got better.
Glad you're here.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Thank you for coming.
I wish I could say the same.
How long have you been here?
Oh, a couple hours.
I need your help.
Really?
I didn't know you asked Grimms for help.
Depends on the circumstances and the Grimm.
Well, what is it you think that I can do for you?
The Beati Paoli.
You've heard of them?
I have.
Are you aware that the man you're after is a member?
Karl Herman.
Yes.
Look, I don't care what group he belongs to. 
He's a murderer.
We don't condone what the Beati Paoli does, but we also don't usually get in their way.
We also feel strongly that Wesen remains should not be put on display.
It's disrespectful and dangerous to the Wesen community.
But by killing the guard, he's gone too far.
The Council wants him stopped.
If you came here to kill him,
I'm just gonna tell you right now,
I'm not gonna let that happen.
We know.
That's why the Council wants you to stop him, which is why I'm going to tell you what I know.
Karl Herman will make another attempt.
And you know this how?
Because he called the Council and asked for help in stealing it tonight.
What did you tell him?
That he's violated Council law by killing the Kehrseite, which is a capital crime.
You want me to kill him.
You're a Grimm.
That's what you do.
I'm not going to execute him for the Council.
He needs to be dealt with soon.
I believe he's going to ask Professor Gates for her help, whether or not she's willing to give it.
Yes, you don't have much time.
Neither do I.
I have a plane to catch.
Good luck.
Is it me, or was that weird?
The Council asking a Grimm to kill a Wesen?
Yeah, that was a little unnerving.
Who knows?
Maybe the Council likes how it turned out the last time they sent Alexander here, you know, when you beat the crap out of the guy.
Maybe.
(LOCK CLICKS)
(GASPS)
(SCREAMS)
Alexander just left.
Professor Gates isn't answering.
How'd it go?
Well, he told me that Karl Herman's gonna try again tonight, and he's gonna use Professor Gates to do it.
I couldn't get ahold of her. 
Did you get the plates off Alexander's car?
Yeah, he drove away in a rental.
Called in an APB.
Watch, don't engage. 
Just in case we need to know where he is.
So why is Alexander just showing up here tonight?
Unless he isn't just showing up here tonight.
I'll check Alexander's rental.
See when he picked it up.
Nick, what happens to this mummy is important to us.
Yeah, we'll let you know. 
We need to get to Professor Gates' house.
Yes, the police arrested the suspect a few hours ago.
We no longer need extra security.
Yes, I'm sure.
I'm going down to the lab myself to check things out.
This is where he dropped 'em off.
They can't have got far.
We'll find them.
(SNIFFING)
It's so much better to cooperate, isn't it?
You go for a nice drive, breathe some fresh air, and here we are.
The only thing you have to worry about now is that we find them.
Thank you for helping us.
So weird to think of myself as "us."
(LAUGHS)
Do you have someone?
I did.
My girlfriend was killed two years ago by the royals.
And not quickly.
I'm sorry.
I'm looking forward to the time I make them feel sorry.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
RENARD: 
Where are you?
The cabin with Adalind.
Have you heard from Sebastien?
I've been trying to contact him for two days.
That's not good.
Does he know where you are?
Not exactly, but he can point them in the right direction.
I suggest you move, and the sooner, the better.
Well, that's not gonna be easy.
There's three of us now.
Can you get to Zurich?
I can try.
If you make it, contact me.
I'll make arrangements to get you all out.
We have to leave.
JULIETTE: 
I've kind of been through something similar.
I was having horrible nightmares and dreams.
I thought for sure I was seeing ghosts.
I decided it didn't really matter whether it was real or not.
I had to lose my fear of it.
Professor Gates?
Professor?
She's not here.
He's got her.
They gotta be headed to the university.
Should we call it in?
No.
This guy's Wesen.
He's already killed before.
I think we have to deal with him.
(CELL PHONE RINGS) Griffin.
Yeah, give it to me.
Okay, thanks.
Alexander picked up his rental car three days ago and hasn't returned it.
He lied about how long he was here.
What else is he lying about?
We have to get a patrol car to cruise the university, see if they can pick up Alexander's car.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
How many guys you have working here?
Just me. 
Where's the extra security?
Pulled off about an hour ago after you caught the guy who broke in.
Who told you that?
Professor Gates.
Have you seen her?
Not yet.
She said she's coming down, though.
Have you checked the lab?
Just did. 
Everything's fine.
What's the problem?
Stay out front.
If Professor Gates shows up, let us know.
(BEEPS)
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
Got a hit on the APB.
Alexander's rental car is parked behind this building.
We're gonna need some eyes on that car.
You're going to make yourself crazy with all this.
But how does the Council know about our relationship with Nick?
They probably figured it out when we dealt with the Grausen.
I don't like us being the middleman between the Council and Nick, okay?
I mean, let's not forget, this guy Alexander, he's an assassin.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hey, Nick, you all right?
What's going on?
Look, I'm glad you called. I...
What?
Alexander.
Where?
Yeah. 
Yeah, sure.
No. 
We're on our way.
Oh, God.
What are we doing now?
Come on.
You have no idea what an important discovery this is.
This is not a discovery.
It's a sacrilege!
(GROWLS)
Oh, my God!
Karl, stop!
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
I think we're done.
We're not done.
Until it's done right.
(SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE)
MAN: (ON RADIO) 921 requesting backup.
GATES: 
How long was I out?
NICK: 
Just a couple of minutes.
I don't understand. 
It looked exactly like the Anubis.
You took a pretty bad bump to the head.
The mind can play tricks on you.
I've seen some pretty weird things myself.
I couldn't have seen what I thought I saw.
What you've been through is very stressful.
You feel up to making a statement?
Ma'am, come this way.
How is she taking it?
She's blaming stress.
Probably for the best, and what about Alexander?
We think he came here just to make sure you stopped this guy?
No.
Me either.
Still warm.
They can't have got far.
(GRUNTING)
How much further?
We need to keep moving.
We're almost there.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
I hope you've got Alexander.
MONROE: 
We're looking right at him.
NICK: 
The Anubis?
ROSALEE: 
He just loaded it into his car.
What do you want us to do?
Nothing. 
Just sit tight.
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
(ENGINE STARTING)
You're a thief.
Among other things.
You lied to me.
You did what we needed you to do.
You mean give you enough time to get the Anubis out.
You got your murderer.
Even trade.
You should have just told me what you wanted in the first place.
You might not have agreed.
I still haven't.
I don't expect you to understand why this is so important to us, but I can't let you stop me this time.
We're not going to.
This time.
(GROWLS)
This is really kind of touching.
Except for the part where we helped them steal a 3,000-year-old mummy and burn it.
It's not like we do it every day.
Hey. 
You ready to go home?
Oh, yeah.
Let's get out of here before they change my mind.
Did I hear that you guys lost an Egyptian mummy?
How'd you hear that?
Weird news travels fast in here.
So how you feeling?
Good. 
Good.
They help you figure out what you think you saw?
Yeah, pretty much.
So you don't think what you saw was real anymore?
Real? 
No.
It was never real.
That's one thing I'm sure of.
(BUZZER BUZZES)
Well, that's good.
Yeah, guess so. 
It was all just in my head.
And that is where it's gonna stay.

Hey, guys, we're here.
Hey.
What is the matter with you?
Homemade teeth whitening.
Put a drop of bleach and some baking soda in our Halloween teeth.
And wham bam, our chiclets are whiter than the cast of "Downtown" Abbey.
If we're gonna be on TV, we got to look good.
This telethon is gonna be seen by literally dozens of people.
Oh, right.
The telethon is this year.
A telethon for what?
I don't know what's it's for.
Schools or disease or... people who drowned in that salami.
The important thing is they get their money and we finally get to sing our song on TV!
For years, Burt and I tried to perform our special song on Natesville's Quad-Annual Telethon.
This is it, Virginia, we're up next.
Are you ready?
No, I think it's a higher register, like...
No. 
I'm having our baby.
No...
But no matter how many times we tried, something always seemed to go wrong.
Also, we just want to thank Ploppies Fish Dogs for feeding all of our hardworking volunteers with their wonderful fish-based sausage products.
And now, it's time for a little song... from Virginia and Burt Chance.
Good evening, Natesville.
What a treat it is to be here for this wonderful cause.
Now we'd like to sing a song for you.
Who likes rock and roll?
A-one, a-two...
Fish bone. 
Fish... fish bone.
Okay, I know we tried this before, but back again this year, Virginia and Burt Chance...
Great cause.
Right to the song.
And a-one, and a-two...
Breaking news.
This just in...
This is the first telethon since we became friends with Barney.
So we are guaranteed to get on the air.
Why's it such a big deal to sing your song on a local telethon?
We know we're amazing singers.
But now, through the magic of television... the whole world will know.
This will finally legitimize us as people.
I think you guys might be putting too much weight on TV.
It's just a bunch of people saying clever quips followed by a catchy theme song.
♪ Whoo!
Uh-oh.
Bad news.
Either Gil has learned to do the sidestroke, or he's dead.
Oh, no.
Poor Hope-- she's gonna be so upset.
We need your help.
We're in the middle of a crisis, Mom.
Hope's goldfish died.
That's not a crisis.
A crisis is when they move your favorite show to Friday night.
Now I don't know whether Booth and Bones are still boning on Bones.
Or when your granddaughter swallows a marble and you go to the hospital, and then you realize you forgot to VCR your favorite show.
Bones.
Wait, did that actually happen to Hope?
Don't change the subject.
So about this dead fish, here's what you do:
don't tell Hope and just replace it with one that looks exactly the same.
That's what they do on TV;
it works every time.
Yeah, when they do that though, it always leads to complications no one expected.
Yeah, but those complications always lead to a funny and heartwarming ending.
Every time.
Or we could take this opportunity to teach our daughter about death.
You guys, not everybody has to live their lives like they're characters on a television show.
What you just said, that's so Raven.
Wait, so what's happening now?
I invited my new boss over for dinner tonight, so I need to pretend that Burt and I live here... and you guys are the maid and butler.
Yeah, we're not doing that.
We already have a full house.
I don't want to spend the whole night trying to figure out who's the boss.
Especially when we have family matters to discuss.
Fine, but we need to borrow your dining room table.
'Cause not all of us were born with silver spoons in our mouths.
Good times.
This dinner is my opportunity to show Louise I have what it takes to be Regional Assistant Manager.
Don't be nervous, just be yourself.
What are you, crazy?
I can't be myself and neither can you.
We got to be whatever they want us to be.
Whatever they say or do, just go with it.
Oh! 
Oh!
Oh! 
Oh! 
Virginia!
Louise!
Oh!
Oh, and who's this smoking hunk of beef?
Uh, my husband, Burt.
And who's this slow... roasted...
pork shoulder?
You're doing great.
That's my husband, Talon.
And I know it looks like there's a big age difference, but that's just because I can still pull young tail.
I hope everybody likes Howdy's special blend of instant dark roast.
I do, but none for Talon.
Too bitter.
Oh, hey, you got any of that hot chocolate with the, uh, little marshmallows in it?
Uh... 
I've got chocolate syrup and water, and I can pick the marshmallow charms out of the cereal.
Works for Talon.
You remember what we talked about?
No third person?
Now, go help Burt.
Ladies need to talk business.
So, what's your allowance?
Would you like some cream?
No, I take it black.
No, I know. 
Me, too.
Of course. 
Yeah.
Mmm.
You know, Virginia...
Yeah.
...I started out as a maid, just like you.
You remind me a lot of myself.
Yeah, there's not a lot of white blonde maids.
Virginia, that's a little racist.
Uh-huh.
I love it.
And I like you!
We should get to know each other better.
You like squash?
Squash.
I... 
Well, I love squash.
Mm-hmm.
Squash is a game?
I guess so.
That makes no sense.
I know.
If any vegetable deserves its own game, it's the potato.
It's the basis of everything delicious.
It's given us the baked, the mashed, the fried, the totted.
What is squash?
Au gratin.
Looks like a rich man's handball, and they play with these skinny little tennis racquets.
Oh, no. 
Ugh.
If I'm horrible,
I'll make a fool of myself and ruin all the progress I just made with my new boss.
My career will be over before it's even started.
This is a complication that was entirely unexpected.
Lord.
After hitting the front wall first, the ball may hit any other number of walls before landing in the opponent's quarter court.
I'm telling you, this game would be a lot more fun if it was just people throwing squashes at each other.
How about fat people sitting on each other?
That's two games right there that deserve to be called squash more than this one.
Yeah, I think I'm just gonna...
Ow! 
Ow, my ankle!
Are you okay?
Great, you bought it.
Now I can fake an injury.
No, I didn't buy it.
I just thought we were role playing, uh, injured lady and paramedic who likes to hook up with injured lady.
No, but keep that one filed away.
I found my old squash racquet.
Yeah.
Oh.
I have got a lot of really great squash stories.
So, how's it going with the fish?
Being honest was a bust.
Knew it. 
Told you since you were a kid, truth is overrated.
Yeah, about that fish-- tell us exactly what happened.
We had a funeral.
Please watch over Gilly as he swims in that great bowl in the sky, and...
Well, now that she's flushed him, in order to replace him, you're gonna have to tell her that it swam through the pipes and up the sink.
Kids are dumb.
They'll believe anything.
No, it's not that hard to believe.
I remember when I was a kid, my fish swam out of the sink at least five...
Aw, man.
See?
See, that is how a little girl should react when her pet dies.
But Hope-- she just giggled.
It was creepy.
Well, she is the child of a serial killer.
I love her, but I got to admit, when I'm alone with her,
I always have an exit strategy.
It was our fault. 
I mean, we never made her take care of it, so she never connected emotionally.
Right. 
So we got her Gilly the Second.
And this time she's been feeding it and taking care of it.
I'm sure that's gonna help her forge a bond.
Yeah. 
So when it dies, she'll cry.
Instead of laughing and flushing it down the toilet with her dead shark eyes.
Dead fish. 
Dead fish.
What?
Ugh.
We just bought that fish yesterday.
Flush the fish. 
Flush the fish.
I'm scared to say it, but I think she's taking after her mother.
I-I'm sure she just didn't connect with it because she can't hold it or pet it.
I mean, you can't hug a fish.
Something my parents should have told me before giving me
Guppy Goldberg-- may she rest in peace.
Maybe we should just get her a pet that's cuddlier than a fish.
You know? 
Something soft, but durable.
Like a pioneer woman.
Okay, one, I was talking about a hamster.
Two, your Dr. Quinn fantasy is not happening.
It's a local telethon, Josie;
we don't have enough space to recreate The Hunger Games.
You suck, Barney.
Well, I...
Oh, great, you're here.
You and Virginia ready to rehearse?
Well, Virginia's not here yet.
But she will be here soon, and I promise we'll be ready to rock.
This means a lot to both of us.
Oh, well, great.
Well, let me know when she arrives, because we're rehearsing in order, and you're on right after Dancin' Dan jumps the shark.
Oh, come on, Barney.
You know no one's gonna be watching after Dancin' Dan jumps the shark.
Everyone will stop watching long before that.
Probably sometime during the act when Seamus O'Flathery counts to a thousand in a Mexican accent.
Give a nice warm welcome to...
Wow. 
Yeah. 
Uh-huh.
I thought "The Meat Locker" was a weird name for a sports club.
This makes a lot more sense.
I tell my husband I'm "playing squash"
because I don't want him to know I'm coming here.
For business.
Here's your meat money.
Use it wisely.
Well, thank you.
Yeah, strip clubs aren't really my idea of fun.
We're here to entertain the Nakamura sisters.
Just help me close the deal, and you'll be cruising in one of those sweet pink company sedans in no time.
I've always wanted the status that goes along with riding around town in one of those.
Well, here's your chance to get it.
Now go over there and show those Nakamura sisters how to have a good time.
No problem. 
I speak a little Japanese.
Really?
Yeah.
Spend 25 years watching Japanese horror movies, you pick up a thing or two.
Well...
Hey, Virginia, where have you been?
I'm sorry, Burt.
I know I missed rehearsal for the telethon.
Louise dragged me to a male strip club.
What? 
What about your fear of man thongs?
Louise says in order to be successful you need to conquer your fears.
Besides, they didn't keep 'em on for very long.
Hey, you remember little Billy Watkins who used to live down the street?
Sure.
Well, he's all grown up now.
Why would your boss take you to a place like that?
Because she's teaching me that business doesn't just get done in the boardroom.
It happens at the Steak House, the Nineteenth Hole, and the Old Boys' Club, which, by the way, are also male strip clubs.
What Natesville lacks in adult literacy, it makes up for in adult entertainment.
Louise thinks I have it in me to be more than just crew chief.
She thinks I could climb all the way to the top.
Apparently, there's a beautiful glass ceiling up there.
A glass ceiling?
That sounds dangerous.
I'm surprised they'd let a woman up there.
Right?
Anyway, I'm exhausted.
Hey, we got to practice our song.
We'll be fine.
Oh, and I got to meet you at the telethon tomorrow. 
I got a meeting at the Meat Locker.
And before that we're gonna grab a bite at the Sausage Factory, which I'm praying is a breakfast place.
Thanks again for letting us use one of your mice as a pet for Hope.
And we promise, we'll make a good home for Mr. Whiskers.
Please. 
Mr. Whiskers was his father.
He prefers to be called Len.
Huh.
I was gonna feed him to my snake anyway.
Doesn't naming him make it harder to feed him to your snake?
Some people feel that way, but I believe it gives him a quiet dignity in death.
Hey, Hope!
You want to come meet your new best friend?
All right.
Look, sweetie.
Isn't it adorable?
You want to touch him?
He doesn't bite.
No.
Whoa.
Your kid is cold.
Even I think Len's cute, and I was gonna watch him get slowly digested over ten hours.
Come on, Natesville.
If you donate over ten dollars, we'll send you this wonderful
Howdy's tote bag.
Son of a bitch! 
I think that freakin' can broke my toe.
You guys are up next, Burt.
But Virginia's not here yet.
I can't go on without her.
Where is she?
I don't know.
She promised she'd be here.
Well, she's not and we can't wait.
White Morgan Freeman is almost finished miming all of regular Morgan Freeman's greatest roles.
See? 
He's done his Driving Miss Daisy.
And his Shawshank is just him air-hugging Tim Robbins.
Hey. 
Go tell Dancin' Dan and the shark to get ready.
Oh, come on.
Thanks, Jackhammer.
Nice to see you, Mrs. Chance.
You, too, Billy.
Tell your mom I said hi.
Will do.
So, like I was saying,
Knock Knock Knock has the lowest prices, the pinkest uniforms, and... we hate dolphins, too.
Hey, uh, FYI, the dolphin talk is kind of a sensitive subject.
Oh, gotcha. 
Yeah.
So, um, hey, Pearl Harbor.
What a great movie, huh?
You are killing it.
Kyoko told me she wants to fly us to Vegas on her father's jet.
Hey, ladies,
I think there might be a storm front moving in, because here comes the rain!
How about you?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, my God! 
I forgot!
I-I have to go. 
Um, I'm supposed to be at the telethon with Burt.
You can't leave.
This is business.
I'll just be a few minutes.
Really. 
I promised my husband.
Husbands are expendable.
You think Talon's my first husband?
He's not even my first Talon.
Besides, you can do a lot better than Burt.
Now, you just stay put and earn that pink sedan.
Listen, lady, you can take that pink sedan and park it in your brown garage.
For your information, my garage is bleached.
I'm gonna give you one more chance to sit down and let some strange man rub his junk all over you, or you can forget about that promotion.
There's only one strange man I let rub his junk on me, and that's my slow cousin Jeffrey, because he doesn't know any better.
Did I make it?
Yeah. 
Yeah, Dan, you made it.
It's now or never. 
You and Virginia are on, Burt.
I can't. 
She's still not here.
Well, we got to put something on the air.
Right now, the people at home are just watching a dazed shark eat a cape.
The pledges have stopped, Burt.
We have got to move that tote board.
Wait. 
This is on TV.
That means everything has to work out.
Virginia's gonna burst through that door any second.
Right... now!
Or... now!
Now?
Geez, Burt, you're bringing me down even more than that act that was a six-year-old girl talking about her parents' divorce.
Nobody move.
It's the cops.
This club is operating without a license.
We're gonna need statements from all of you.
I can't believe this.
I'm stuck in the Meat Locker!
Uh... this is a little song I usually sing with my wife.
Tonight, I'm going solo.
I think it should work out just the same.
♪ Don't go breaking my heart
♪ Oh, honey, if I get restless
♪ Don't go breaking my heart
♪ Oh, honey, when you knock on my door... ♪
Hey, Hope, look.
Now that Len can follow you in his go-ball, you two can be best friends!
Jimmy, this is pointless.
I really don't think Hope cares.
I mean, look at this drawing that she's doing.
That's interesting.
I'll call Frank to pick up Len.
In the meantime, I'm gonna move him somewhere safer.
Oh, my God. 
Jimmy.
Daddy!
I'm okay.
Oh.
Well, she does care about one stupid animal.
Me.
Can we go to the concussion?
I think I have a hospital.
♪ Don't go breaking my heart
♪ I won't go breaking your heart... ♪
Okay, thank you,
Burt Chance, for those seven renditions of "Don't Go Breaking My Heart."
People are taking back their donations.
I'm sorry, Barney;
I thought she'd be here by now.
I am so sorry.
I am so sorry.
I really screwed up tonight.
That's okay. 
I knew you'd come.
No, it's not okay.
I got so caught up in my job that I forgot about what's important.
Well, what about your promotion and your pink car and your glass ceiling?
None of that matters, Burt.
I'm so sorry.
I got seduced by the glamour of assistant regional management.
But I'm gonna make a pledge.
I'll never stand you up again.
Keep kissing!
People love it!
Grope her for charity!
Do you mind singing our song one last time?
I'd love to.
Oh, yeah!
We did it! 
We're all going home!
Good night, Natesville!
Roll the credits!
Thank you for your pledges.
Make sure to visit the Museum of Medical Devices.
From here on out, it's just Barney and Dan beating a shark to death on live TV.
But you didn't get to sing your song together.
The important thing is we learned something about our relationship that we wouldn't have learned if we'd never been on TV.
Like I learned that you can't let focusing on your job get in the way of being together.
And it worked out in a clever and unexpected way because we did it the way they do on TV.
We didn't replace Hope's fish with a look-alike, and everything worked out great for us, too.
Yeah. 
And it turns out Hope does have compassion.
She's just not a pet person.
You two did everything the way they do it on TV.
You just don't know it.
What you talking 'bout?
Perhaps you remember a show called That's My Munchkin.
That's not a real show.
Actually, it was.
I loved That's My Munchkin.
They only made four episodes, but Jimmy watched every one about a thousand times.
Don't worry, Buddy, you'll be safe up here.
Whoa!
Oh, no!
Oh, my God, are you okay?
Daddy!
Well, looks like she does care about one stupid animal.
Me.
I love you, Daddy.
That's my munchkin!
Now can we go to the concussion?
I think I might have a hospital.
It's not the same.
That's just a coincidence.
Maybe you're right.
I guess your lives really don't resemble anything on TV.
So, what's everybody up to next week?
Not much.
I'm gonna pretend to be Barney's girlfriend while his moms come to visit town.
Hmm. 
I got to go meet my pregnant friend in an elevator.
We couldn't think of anything new to do, so we're just gonna make a family video.
You know, clip together some of our favorite moments from over the years.
That sounds boring.
Oh, no. 
We're gonna talk in between the clips to spice it up a little.
Oh.

♪ Heir of salvation, purchase of God ♪
♪ born of his spirit and washed in his blood ♪
♪ this is my story, da da da, this is my song ♪
♪ praising my savior, all the day long ♪
♪ this is my story ♪
[ Horn honks ]
[ Children shouting ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Sizzling ]
Lord up in heaven, thank you for the gift of...
Thank you for this meal that you are offering us today in hopes that it will nourish our body.
We praise thy name, oh, lord.
Thank you.
Amen.
[ Humming ]
[ Train whistle blows ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Humming continues ]
[ Humming continues ]
[ Humming continues ]
Don't be afraid of making noise, honey.
I'm awake.
Yes, ma'am.
Couldn't sleep?
No, ma'am.
Why couldn't you sleep?
Ah...
Just couldn't.
Couldn't you sleep?
No.
Haven't been to bed at all.
You're not worried about your job, are you, son?
No. 
Everybody seems to like me there.
Thinking about asking for a raise.
You should, son, as hard as you work.
Why couldn't you sleep, mama?
Full moon.
Never could sleep when there's a full moon.
Even back in bountiful when I'd be out in the field working so hard I'd think my legs would give out on me.
Just let there be a full moon, and I'd toss and I'd turn.
[ Chuckles ]
Once, when you were little and the moon was full,
I woke you up, dressed you, and took you out for a walk.
You remember that?
No, ma'am.
You don't?
No, ma'am.
Well, I do.
I remember like it was yesterday.
I dressed you and I took you outside.
There was an old dog howling away off somewhere, and you got scared and started to cry.
I said, "son, why are you crying?"
And you said someone once told you that when a dog howls, a person is dying somewhere.
I held you close to me because you was just shaking with fear.
And then you asked me to explain to you about dying.
And I said, "son, you are far too young
"to be even thinking about things like that for a long time to come."
It's funny the things you think of when you can't sleep.
I was trying to think about that song
I used to like to hear you sing.
What song was that, son?
Ah, I don't remember the name.
I just remember I'd always laugh when you'd sing it.
[ Laughs ] That one.
What was the name of it?
I don't know.
You know I hate not to be able to remember something.
Hush... ♪ Little baby, don't say a word ♪
[ Laughs ]
♪ Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird ♪
♪ and if that mockingbird don't sing ♪
♪ mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring ♪
[ Both chuckle ]
I used to think I would buy you the world back in those days.
I remember remarking that to my papa.
Hmm.
Ludie?
Hmm?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Would you like me to fix you some hot milk?
[ Laughs ] Yes, ma'am.
If you don't mind.
I don't mind at all, son.
I don't mind at all.
Hush, little baby, don't say a word.
[ Chuckles ]
♪ Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird ♪
♪ and if that mockingbird don't sing ♪
♪ mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring ♪
Why don't you turn on the lights?
What's the sense of sitting around in the dark?
[ Sighs ]
[ Soft music plays ]
How you expect to go to work in the morning if you don't get your sleep, ludie?
I was hoping the hot milk would make me sleepy.
What's the matter with you that you can't sleep, mother watts?
Full moon, jessie mae.
Full moon.
[ Sighs ] What's that got to do with it?
I don't know what's the matter with y'all.
I never had any trouble sleeping in my life.
[ Sighs ]
I guess I have a clear conscience.
Mother watts, where's that recipe rosella gave me on the phone today?
Jessie mae, I don't remember you ever giving me any recipe.
Well, I did.
Well, I certainly have no recollection of it.
You don't?
I gave it to this morning in this very room.
And I said, "please put it away in my dresser."
And you said, "I will."
And you went out holding it in your hand.
Did you look on your dresser?
Yes, ma'am.
And it wasn't there?
No, ma'am.
I looked just before I went to bed.
Well, let me take a look around.
[ Sighs ]
I swear.
Just gets on my nerves.
Now, I know we couldn't afford it before so I kept quiet about it, but now you're working again.
And I don't think a picture show once or twice a week will break us.
Why don't we go out one night this week?
Well, I mean, I think we have to.
I was talking to rosella about it on the phone this morning.
When did you and rosella become friendly again?
Oh, this morning.
She just all of a sudden call me up on the telephone.
She said she'd quit being mad if I would.
I said, "shucks, I wasn't the one that was mad in the first place."
She was the one that was mad.
I said, "I was plain spoken.
Said exactly what I felt.
You'll have to take me as I am or leave me alone."
[ Drawer slams ]
Rosella found out she definitely can't have any children.
[ Scoffs ] Walk, don't run!
You know, your mother's pension check didn't come today.
It's the 18th.
I swear it was due.
I can't understand the government -- always late.
Did you find it?
Not yet.
Well, then, forget about it.
Look for it in the morning.
I'm gonna look for it till I find it.
[ Sighs ] Honestly, ludie.
She is so stubborn!
Announcer:
Keepyourdialset atkdht .
Rosella says she's glad to hear you're working again.
She said she was cleaning out some drawers the night before last and come across a picture she had taken of you and me when we first started going together.
I said, "I don't care to see them. 
No, thank you."
The passing of time makes me sad.
Here's your recipe, jessie mae.
Well, thank you, but I told you not to bother.
Where'd you find it?
In your dresser drawer, right-hand side.
Inmydresserdrawer?
Yes, ma'am.
I looked on top of the dresser and it wasn't there.
And so my head told me to look -- mama watts?
Yes, ma'am?
Ludie, how many times have I asked her never to go in my dresser drawer?
But I thought you wanted me to find your recipe.
But I don't want you looking in my dresser drawers!
Yes, ma'am.
[ Scoffs ]
And just never let me catch you looking in them again for anything!
I can't stand people snooping in my dresser drawers!
All right, then.
Next time, find it yourself.
Pick that recipe up, if you please.
Pick it up yourself.
I have no intention of picking it up.
You pick that up!
I won't.
You will!
Jessie mae, for God's sake.
You're both acting like children.
It's 1:30 in the morning.
You tell her to pick that up.
I won't.
You will! 
This is my house, and you'll do as you're told!
No, I won't.
[ Sighs ]
Now, I hope you're satisfied.
You got ludie good and upset.
He won't sleep for the rest of the night.
What you want to do, get him sick again?
[ Pounding on wall ] Man: 
Quiet down over there!
Oh, shut up!
You are gonna go too far with me one of these days, old lady.
[ Scoffs ] I can't stand this, ludie.
I'm at the end of my rope.
I will not take being insulted by your mother or anyone else!
Mama, will you give this recipe to jessie mae?
All right, ludie.
Mama, will you please tell jessie mae that you're sorry?
Ludie.
Please, mama.
All right, son.
Jessie mae?
What do you want, ludie?
Mama has something to say to you.
What is it?
I'm sorry, jessie mae, I threw the recipe on the floor.
I accept your apology.
Announcer: 
Looking for thebestmusicever?
Youdialis set...
[ Sighs ] ...atA.M.79 ,Houston'skdht.
[ Soft music plays ]
Jessie mae, I know it's hard and all, but for your own sake --
I just think sometimes I-if you try to ignore certain things -- ignore? 
How can you ignore something when it's done right under your very nose?
Look, jessie mae -- no, I know her, ludie.
She does things just to aggravate me.
Well, I hope she's happy now.
She's aggravated me.
Now, you take her hymn singing.
She never starts until I come into her room.
And her pouting -- well, some days she'll go a whole day just sitting and staring out the window.
How would you like to spend 24 hours a day shut up with a woman who either sang hymns or looked out the window with pouting?
I'm not saying it's easy, jessie mae.
I'm only saying -- she just keeps me so nervous.
Never knowing when I leave whether she's gonna try to run off to that old town or not.
She's not gonna run off again, jessie mae.
She promised me she wouldn't.
Sometimes, I think she hides that check.
Tell you right now.
If that check's not here by tomorrow morning,
I'm gonna search this house from top to bottom.
Rosella asked me if I realized it would be 15 years this Christmas since we were married.
Said I hadn't realized it.
Had you?
No.
I never will forget the night I came home and told rosella you had proposed.
[ Both chuckle ]
I thought you were the handsomest man alive.
I thought you...
Were the prettiest girl.
[ Chuckles ]
Did you, ludie?
Oh, jessie mae.
I just got to start making some more money.
Thinking of asking for a raise.
I'll walk into Mr. Douglas' office first thing in the morning.
I'm gonna say, "Mr. Douglas,
"I've got to have a raise starting as of now.
We can't live on what you're paying us."
Well, I would.
I don't understand it, jessie mae.
I try not to be bitter.
I try.
Mm-hmm.
All I know is that a man works eight years with the company, save a little money, he gets sick and has to spend two years in the bed watching his savings all go and then start all over again with a new company.
Of course, the doctor said I shouldn't worry about it, said I...
Take things like they come...
Every day.
What's this book?
I bought it from a drug store coming home from the office.
"How to become an executive."
Mm.
My boss likes me.
Billy Davidson told me today he was positive he did.
Mm.
You feeling sleepy now?
Mm-hmm. 
You?
Yeah.
I am.
Good night.
[ Soft music playing ]
[ Door creaks ]
[ Music stops ]
Mama?
Mrs. watts:
I'm all right, ludie.
I'm just still not sleepy.
Good night.
Ludie, please, son.
I want to go home.
Mama, you know I can't make a living there.
We have to live in Houston.
Ludie, I can't stay here no longer.
I want to go home.
I beg you not to ask me that again.
There's nothing I can do about it.
[ Dog barking ]
[ Water running ]
Ludie.
Ludie!
[ Water shuts off ]
It's 8:15.
Ludie: 
You have 'em?
♪ Softly and tenderly, Jesus is calling... ♪
Too early for hymn singing!
[ Humming ]
Good morning, mama.
Morning, son.
I'll have your coffee ready for you in a minute.
Why don't we have an early supper tonight? 
6:30?
If that's all right with you -- and mama.
After supper, I'll take you both to the picture show.
[ Gasps ] Oh, that's fine.
What you want to see, ludie?
Whatever you want to see, jessie mae.
[ Sighs ]
I think I'll phone the beauty parlor for an appointment.
Ooh, I hope I can still get one.
I want to get in early.
Mr. Douglas is usually in by 9:00.
[ Sighs ]
You think I'm doing the right thing asking for a raise, do you?
Sure.
Hello. 
Rita?
It's jessie mae watts.
Can I get an appointment for my hair today?
2:00?
Nothing earlier?
All right, I'll see you then.
[ Sighs ]
Wish me luck on my raise.
Good luck, ludie.
Bye, mama.
Bye, son!
Now, holler if there's any mail out there.
No mail, boss!
[ Jazz music playing ]
Can't understand about that pension check.
Can you?
No, ma'am.
Sure hope it wasn't lost.
You know, you're so absent minded, you don't think you put it around the room someplace by mistake and forgot all about it?
I don't believe so.
You know, you said you lost that check once before.
Took us five days to find it.
And I come across it under this radio.
[ Music stops ]
♪ There's not a thing like -- ♪
You stop that hymn-singing!
What do you want me to do, jump right out my skin?
You know what hymns do to my nerves!
Don't pout.
You know I can't stand pouting.
I didn't mean to pout, jessie mae.
[ Door slams ]
Only meant to be silent.
[ Sighs ]
I can't make up my mind what movie I want to see tonight.
Well, I guess I'll just ask rosella.
You know, when I first came to Houston,
I used to go to three picture shows in one day.
I'd go to the Kirby in the morning, the metropolitan in the afternoon, and the majestic at night.
I guess I'll just call rosella, tell her to meet me at the drug store for a coke.
[ Rotary phone dialing ]
She's not home.
I bet she's at the drug store right now.
[ Wheels squeaking ]
Would you stop that noise for a minute?
I'm nervous.
[ Squeaking stops ]
[ Squeaking resumes ]
Ooh!
Mother watts?
Mother watts!
I'm all right, jessie mae.
Is it your heart?
No.
It's just a sinking spell.
[ Sighs ] Can I get you some water?
Yes, thank you.
You want me to call the doctor?
No, ma'am.
You want me to call ludie?
No, ma'am!
Here.
Thank you.
Feeling better now?
Yes, ma'am.
You think you ought to be getting up so soon?
Sure, ma'am.
I'm -
- I'm feeling much better already.
I'll just sit here in the chair and rest a bit.
All right.
Guess I'll sit over here and keep you company for awhile.
How you feel now?
Better.
Good.
Those sinking spells always scare the daylights out of me.
[ Sighs ] Well, it's your heart.
If you don't want to take care of it, nobody can make you.
[ Telephone ringing ]
[ Sighs ]
Hello?
Oh, hello, rosella.
You are at the drug store?
I'd like to, rosella, but mother watts had one of her sinking spells -- you go on, jessie mae.
I'm gonna be all right.
I mean, there's nothing you can do for me.
Are you sure?
I'm sure.
All right.
Uh, rosella, mother watts says she won't be needing me here, so...
I guess I will come on over.
I'll see you in a few minutes.
Now, you sure you're gonna be all right?
Yes, ma'am.
Then I'll head on over.
Now, you call me at the drug store if you need me, you hear?
Yes, ma'am.
[ Door opens ]
I forgot to take any money along with me.
Who are you writing to?
Oh.
[ Chuckles ]
I just thought I'd drop a line to Callie Davis, let her know I'm still alive.
Why'd you decide to do that all of a sudden?
No reason.
I...
The notion just struck me.
All right.
But just in case you're trying to put something over me with that pension check,
I told Mr. Reynolds at the grocery store never to cash anything for you.
[ Indistinct conversation ]
Woman:
Morning, Mrs. watts!
Oh.
How you doing?
Just fine.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
There you are.
You change buses at Harrison.
Yes, sir.
[ Chuckles ]
I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
Man: 
Lady?
Lady, it's your turn.
Yes, sir.
Uh, excuse me.
I'd like a ticket to bountiful, please.
Where?
Bountiful.
What's it near?
It's between Harrison and cotton.
Just a minute.
Man: 
Dallas now boarding ongatefour.
Lady, I can sell you a ticket to Harrison or to cotton, but there's no bountiful.
Oh, yes, there is.
It's between Harrison and cotton.
I'm sorry, lady.
You say there is, but the book says there isn't, and the book don't lie.
But I was born in bountiful.
Make up your mind, lady.
Cotton or Harrison.
There are other people waiting.
Let me see.
How much is a ticket to Harrison?
$3.50.
And cotton?
$4.20.
$4.20. 
Oh, yes.
I'll take the one to Harrison, please.
All right.
It'll be $3.50, please.
Yes, sir.
Uh, can you cash a pension check?
See, I decided to come at the last minute and didn't have time to go to the grocery store.
I'm sorry, lady.
I can't cash any checks.
It's perfectly good.
It's a government check.
I'm sorry. 
It's against the rules to cash checks.
Oh.
I didn't know that.
I understand the rules are rules.
How much was that, again?
$3.50.
Oh, yes.
I think I have it all here in nickles, dimes, and quarters, yeah.
One, two, three, four.
That's one.
One, two, three, four.
That's two.
One, two, three, four.
That's three.
And 50 cents?
There.
I think that's $3.50.
Thank you.
I'm sorry to have taken up so much of your time.
Dallasnowboarding ongatefour.
Man:
Here, lady.
Don't forget your ticket.
Oh.
Oh, my heavens, yes.
I'd forget my head if it wasn't on my neck.
[ Chuckles ]
Angletonnowboarding ongatethree.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
Angletonnowboarding ongatethree.
Excuse me.
Would you watch this suitcase?
I'll be right back.
Yes, ma'am.
[ Sighs ] All right.
Kind of warm, isn't it, when you're rushing about?
Yes, ma'am.
I had to get myself ready in the biggest kind of hurry.
Trying to get to a town that nobody around here seems to have heard of.
What town is that?
Bountiful.
Oh.
Did you ever hear of it?
No.
You see?
Nobody has.
[ Chuckles ]
Not much of a town now, I guess.
I haven't seen it myself in 20 years.
It used to be quite prosperous, you know?
All they have left now is a post office, a filling station, and general store.
At least that's all they had when I left.
Do your people live there?
No.
All my people is dead except my son and his wife, jessie mae, and they stay right here in the city.
I'm hurrying to see bountiful before I die.
I had a sinking spell this morning.
I had to climb up on the bed and rest.
It was my heart.
But do you have a bad heart?
Well, it's not what you call a good one.
My doctor says it would last as long as I need it if I could just cut out worrying.
But...
Seems I can't do that lately.
Excuse me.
Would you keep your eye on this suitcase again for me?
Yes, ma'am.
Ooh!
Say a prayer for me, honey.
And good luck to you.
Good luck to you.
Ludie, she always tries to go by train.
But no, we wait in the railroad station for five minutes.
'Cause she's not there right then, you drag me over here.
Jessie mae, you want to sit down?
Yes, I do.
You want to continue to look around, go right ahead.
Nowboardingfornew Orleans ongatenine.
[ Indistinct announcement on p.A. ]
NewOrleanson gatenine.
SanAntonionowboarding ongateseven.
Columbus,SanAntonio nowboardingon gateseven.
I hope you're lucky enough not to have to fool with any in-laws.
I got a mother-in-law who's about to drive me crazy.
She's always trying to run off to this place called bountiful.
[ Groans ]
She is so stubborn, I could ring her neck.
Thank you.
Her son spoils her.
That's the whole trouble.
She's just rotten spoiled.
People ask me why I don't have children.
Why, I say, 'cause I got ludie and mother watts.
That's all the children I need.
What'd you bring me?
[ Groans ] I seen this one.
You seen mama?
Jessie mae: 
No, you goose.
Think I'd be sitting here so calm if I had?
I think we should turn this whole thing over to the police.
That will scare her once and for all.
I'm not gonna call any police.
Oh, you're not?
No.
No!
Well, I don't care what you do.
It's your mother.
Harrison,dontarle, Victoriaongatethree.
Would you like this?
I don't read them, and my wife has seen it.
Thank you.
Excuse me, miss?
Oh, miss.
Yes?
Found this handkerchief there that belongs to, I think, my mother.
She has a heart condition.
Do you remember having seen her?
Well, I -- she'd be on her way to a town called bountiful.
Yes, I did see her.
She was here talking to me, and then she left all of a sudden.
Thank you so much.
Ludie.
Jessie mae, I was right.
She was here.
That lady there says so.
Well, we're not gonna wait.
The police and I talked it over.
You did not really call them.
Yes, I did.
And they said we should just go home and pay her no mind at all.
Ludie, I wish you would think of me for a change.
I am not spending the rest of my life running after your mother.
All right, jessie mae.
Victorianowboarding ongatethree.
Come on. 
Let's go.
Come on!
If mama ain't home in an hour, I'm going after her.
[ Sighs ] Honestly.
Thisisyourlastcall  forVictoria, nowboardingat gatethree.
Sugarland,Harrison, dontarle,Victoria, nowleavingfromgatethree.
Mrs. watts: 
Wait! 
Wait!
Please!
Thank you.
[ Breathing heavily ]
Thank you.
Isn't it a small world?
I didn't know we'd be on the same bus.
Where you off to, honey?
Harrison.
Harrison?
Yes, I change buses there.
Well, so do I go there.
Isn't that nice?
[ Chuckles ]
Thank you.
The bus is nice to ride, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
Excuse me for getting personal, but what's a pretty girl like you doing traveling all alone?
My husband was just sent overseas.
Oh. 
I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm going to stay with my family.
Say the 91st psalm over and over to yourself.
It'll be a bower of strength and protection for you.
"He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high
"shall abide under the shadow of the almighty.
I'll say of the lord, he is my refuge."
[ Crying ]
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's all right.
I'm just lonesome for him.
Keep him under the lord's wing and he'll be safe.
Yes, ma'am. 
I'm sorry.
I don't know what gets into me.
Nobody needs to be ashamed of crying.
I guess we've all dampened our pillows at some time, and lord knows I have.
[ Sighs ]
If only I could just learn not to worry.
I know.
I guess we all ask that.
Jessie mae, my daughter-in-law, she don't worry.
"What for?" She says.
Well, like I tell her, it's a fine attitude if you can cultivate it.
Trouble is, I can't do it no more.
It is hard.
I didn't used to worry.
I was so carefree as a girl.
[ Chuckles ]
I had lots to worry me, too.
Everybody in bountiful was so poor.
But we got along.
I said to my papa once after our third crop failure in a row,
"whoever gave this place the name of bountiful?"
His papa did, he said, because in those days, it was a land of plenty.
All you had to do is drop seeds in the ground and crops would just spring up -- cotton, corn, and sugar cane.
I still think it's the prettiest place I know of.
Jessie mae says it's the ugliest.
She's just says that, I know, to make me mad.
And then Sonny -- that's my boy, ludie -- he says not to answer her back 'cause it only causes argument and nobody ever won an argument with jessie mae.
And I guess that's right.
[ Chuckles ]
Mrs. watts?
Yes?
I think I ought to tell you this.
I don't want you to think I'm interfering in your business, but your son and daughter-in-law came in after you left.
No, I know.
I saw them coming.
That's why I ran out so fast.
[ Chuckles ]
Your son seemed very concerned.
Bless his heart.
He found a handkerchief you had left.
[ Gasps ] Mercy, that's right.
He asked if I seen you.
I felt like I had to say yes.
I wouldn't have said anything if he hadn't asked.
Oh.
That's all right.
I would have done the same thing in your place.
Did you talk to jessie mae?
Yes.
Isn't she a sight?
[ Both chuckle ]
I think ludie knows how I feel about getting back to bountiful.
Once when I was talking about something we did back there in the old days, he just bust out crying.
He was so overcome, he jumped up and ran out the room.
[ Humming ]
That's a pretty hymn.
What's the name of it?
"There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus."
You like hymns?
Yes, I do.
So do I.
I bet I sing it a hundred times a day when jessie mae ain't home.
Hymns make jessie mae nervous.
So many people are nervous today.
Ludie wasn't nervous back in bountiful.
Neither was I.
Breeze from the Gulf would always quiet your nerves.
You can sit on your front gallery and smell the ocean blowing in around you.
[ Chuckles ]
Callie says I could always come back and visit with her.
She meant that, too.
That's who I'm gonna stay with, Callie Davis.
I get a card from her every Christmas.
I wrote her last week, and I told her to expect me.
I got to get back and smell that salt air and work that dirt.
Where do you go from Harrison?
Old Gulf.
My family just moved there from Louisiana.
Hmm.
I'll stay there until my husband comes home.
That's nice.
It's gonna be funny living at home again.
How long have you been married?
A year.
My husband was anxious for me to go.
He said he'd worry about me being alone.
I'm the only child.
My parents and I are very close.
That's nice.
I so hoped my mother and daddy would like my husband and he'd like them.
I needn't have worried.
They liked each other from the very first.
[ Chuckles ]
Mother and daddy said they feel like they have two children now -- a son and a daughter.
Isn't that nice?
I've heard people say that when your son marries, you lose a son, but when your daughter marries, you get a son.
What's your husband's name?
Robert.
That's a nice name.
I think so.
But I guess any name he had I'd think was nice.
I love my husband very much.
Lots of girls I know think I'm silly about him, but...
I just can't help it.
[ Chuckles ]
I wasn't in love with my husband.
Do you believe we're punished for what we do wrong?
I sometimes think that's why I've had all my troubles.
I talked to many a preacher about it, and all but one said he didn't think so.
I can't see any other reason, though.
Of course I didn't lie to my husband.
I told him I didn't love him -- that I admired him, which I did, but I didn't love him, that I'd never love anybody but ray John Murray as long as I lived.
And I didn't, and I couldn't help it.
And after my husband died and I had to move in with mama and papa,
I used to sit on my front gallery every morning and every evening just to nod hello to ray John Murray as he went by the house to work at the store.
He went a mile out of his way to pass the house.
He never loved nobody but me.
Why didn't you marry him?
His papa and my papa didn't speak.
And my papa forced me to write a letter to him saying I never wanted to see him again.
He got drunk and married out of spite.
I felt sorry for his wife because she knew he never loved her.
I don't think about those things anymore.
But they're all a part of bountiful, so I guess that's why I'm starting to think of them again.
You're lucky to be married to the man you love, honey.
I know I am.
Awfully lucky.
[ Gasps ]
Did you see that star fall over there?
No.
Prettiest thing I ever saw.
You can make a wish on a falling star, honey.
I know.
It's too bad I didn't see it.
Take my wish.
Oh, no.
Go on!
I've gotten mine already.
I'm on my way to bountiful.
Oh.
Good evening.
Good evening.
[ Chuckles ]
You want some help with these bags?
[ Chuckles ] Thank you.
You're welcome.
Oh, is this bus to old Gulf gonna be on time?
Always is.
[ Chuckles ]
What time is it, honey?
12:00.
12:00?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, would Callie Davis be surprised to see me walking in at 12:00.
You told her you were coming into town today?
No.
I didn't know.
I had to wait till jessie mae went to the drug store.
My bus will be leaving in a half an hour.
Oh.
I see.
Well, I guess I'd better be finding out how I'm gonna get to bountiful.
You sit down.
I'll ask the man.
Well, thank you.
Excuse me.
Yes, ma'am?
My friend here would like to know how she can get to bountiful.
Bountiful?
Yes.
What's she going there for?
Oh, I'm gonna visit my girlfriend.
I don't know who that's gonna be.
The last person in bountiful was miss Callie Davis.
She died the day before yesterday.
I mean, that is, they found her the day before yesterday.
She lived all alone, so they don't know exactly when she died.
Callie Davis?
Yes, ma'am.
Had the funeral this morning.
Was she the one you was going to visit?
She was the one.
Sh-she was my friend, my girlfriend.
Is there a hotel here?
Yes, ma'am, the riverview.
How far is it?
About five blocks.
[ Sighs ]
What will you do now, Mrs. watts?
I'm thinking, honey.
I'm thinking.
This comes as quite a blow.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I know.
I know.
It's come to me what to do.
I'll go on.
I'll go on to bountiful.
I'll walk those 12 Miles if I have to.
But if there's no one out there, what will you do this time of night?
Oh, yes.
I guess that's right.
I think you should wait until morning.
Yes.
I guess I should.
And then I can hire someone to drive me out there.
And I'll stay at my own house -- or what's left of it.
I'll put me in a garden.
Oh, I think I'm gonna get along fine with the help of my government checks.
The man said there's a hotel not too far away.
I think you better let me take you there.
Oh, no. 
I'm not spending no money in a hotel.
They're high as cats' backs.
I'm gonna sleep right here on this bench. 
See?
I'll take my coat, fold it up, put it under my head, and I'll take my purse and I'll tuck it under my ar-- my purse.
I don't have my purse, honey.
Have you seen my purse?
Why, no.
Uh, excuse me.
This lady left her purse on the bus.
All right.
I'll call ahead.
How can you identify it?
Just a plain brown purse.
How much money?
35 cents.
And a pension check.
Who's the check made out to?
To me, Mrs. Carrie watts.
All right.
I'll call up about it.
Thank you.
You're most kind.
Try not to worry about the purse.
Oh, I'm too tired to worry about no purse.
Time enough to worry about it in the morning.
Why don't you go on to sleep now if you can?
Oh, no.
I thought I'd stay up and see you off.
No.
You go to sleep.
I couldn't go right to sleep now.
I'm too wound up, you ow?
I don't go on a trip every day of my life.
[ Chuckles ] You're lucky.
The bus hasn't gotten to don tarle yet.
If they can find the purse, should be here around 5:00.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Make you feel better?
Oh, yes.
It does.
Of course, everything seemed to work out today.
Why is it some days everything works out, and some days nothing works out?
[ Chuckles ] Hmm?
I guess the good lord is just with me today.
I wonder why the lord isn't with us every day.
It would be so nice if he was, hmm?
[ Chuckles ]
Well, maybe then we wouldn't appreciate so much the days when he's on our side.
Maybe he's always on our side, we just don't even know it.
Maybe I had to wait 20 years cooped up in that city before I could appreciate getting back here.
Blessed assurance.
Jesus is mine.
♪ Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine ♪
♪ heir of salvation, purchase of God ♪
♪ born of his spirit and washed in his blood ♪
♪ this is my story, fa LA LA LA, this is my song ♪
♪ and I'm praising my savior all the day long ♪
♪ this is my story and this is my song ♪
♪ and I'm praising my savior all the day -- ♪
You know, it's so nice to be able to sing a hymn when you want to?
!
[ Laughs ] [ Chuckles ]
I still have a sandwich left.
Will you have one?
Oh, no, thank you.
You know, I don't eat very much, especially when I'm excited.
[ Laughs ]
You know, I came to my first dance in this town.
Did you?
Yes.
It was the summertime.
My father couldn't decide whether he thought dancing was right or not.
But my mother said she danced when she was a girl and that I was gonna dance.
And so, I went.
Girls from all over the county came to this dance.
It was at the opera house.
I can't remember what the occasion was, but it was something special, though.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Humming ]
[ Both chuckle ]
Oh.
♪ Da da da ♪
♪ da da da ♪
♪ da da da ♪
[ Laughs ] ♪ da da da ♪
♪ da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da ♪
Knee! 
♪ da ♪
[ Both laugh ]
♪ Da da da ♪
Turn!
[ Both laugh ]
You know something, young lady?
If my daughter had lived,
I would have wanted her to be just like you.
Oh.
No, no, no, no, no.
Sweet, considerate, thoughtful, and pretty.
Roy:
You better get your bags, miss.
Buss will be up the road.
Won't wait this time of night.
I was telling my little friend here that I came to my first dance in this town.
Is that so?
[ Both chuckle ]
Goodbye, Mrs. watts.
Goodbye, honey.
And good luck to you.
Thank you for everything.
Good luck to you.
Do they still have dances in borden's opera house?
No, ma'am.
It was torn down.
They condemned it, you know?
Is that so?
Mm-hmm.
Did you ever know anyone in Harrison?
Well, I knew a few people when I was a girl.
Priscilla nytelle -- did you know her?
Oh, no, ma'am.
What about Nancy Lee goodhue?
No, ma'am.
The fay girls?
No, ma'am.
Oh.
I used to trade in Mr. ewing's store.
I knew him to speak to.
Which ewing was that?
George white ewing.
He's dead.
Is that so?
Been dead 12 years.
[ Gasps ] Is that so?
Yeah, left quite a bit of money, but his son took over his store, lost it all.
Drank.
Is that so?
One thing I can say about my boy -- he never gave me any worries that way.
Well, that's good.
I got one boy that drinks, one boy that doesn't.
I can't understand it.
I raised them the same way.
I know.
I've knew other cases like that -- one drinks, the other one doesn't.
I don't know why.
Friend of mine's got a girl that drinks.
I think that's the saddest thing in the world.
Isn't it?
Well, good night.
Good night.
Good night.
Good night.
[ Birds chirping, dog barking ]
Roy?
Come on, Roy.
Wake up.
Oh.
Hello, sheriff.
How long has that old lady been here?
Oh...
About six hours.
She come off the bus from Houston?
Yes, sir.
I know her name.
It's watts.
She left a purse on the bus.
I had to call up to don tarle about it.
Do you have her purse?
Yes, sir. 
Just came.
Yeah, she's the one, all right.
Got a call from the Houston police.
They want me to hold her till her son comes for her.
She says she used to live in bountiful.
Her son claims that she's not responsible.
She act crazy to you?
Not that I noticed.
Is she crazy?
Well, they say so.
Oh, she's sleeping so sound.
[ Clicks tongue ] I tell you what.
I'll go down, call Houston, tell them she's here.
Her son's coming in his car.
He'll be here about 7:30.
I'll be back in about 10 minutes.
If she gives you any trouble, just call me.
Roy: 
Yes, sir.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Did my purse arrive?
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
I wonder if you could cash a check for me.
Why?
I need money to get me started in bountiful.
I'm sorry, lady, but you're not going to bountiful.
Oh, yes, I am.
You see, I --
I'm sorry, lady.
I got to hold you here for the sheriff.
The sheriff?
Yes, ma'am.
You're joking with me.
Please don't joke with me.
I've come too far.
I got to keep you here till your son arrives in his car.
My son hasn't got a car, so I don't believe you.
The sheriff will be here in a minute.
You can ask him yourself.
All right.
But I'm going.
Do you understand that?
This is a free country, and I'll tell him that.
No sheriff, no king, no prison will keep me from going back to bountiful.
All right!
You can tell him yourself.
What time is my son expected?
The sheriff said around 7:30.
Where can I get me a driver?
Ma'am.
If you can get me a driver,
I can make it to bountiful and back way before 7:30.
Look, lady -- that's all I want.
That's all I ask.
Just to see it, to stand on the porch of my own house once more.
Lady -- last night, I thought I had to stay.
I thought I would die if I couldn't stay.
But I'll settle for less now.
An hour, half hour, 15 minutes.
Look, look, lady, it ain't up to me.
I told you -- the sheriff.
Then get me the sheriff.
Go get me the sheriff.
The time is going, sir.
The time is going.
The time is -- Mrs. watts.
Yes, sir?
Are you the sheriff?
Yes, ma'am.
I understand my son will be here at 7:30 to take me back to Houston.
Yes, ma'am.
Please listen to me, sir.
I've waited a long time just to get to bountiful.
And I made one promise to myself, and that is to see my home again before I die.
Lady, I don't know anything about that.
I'm not asking that I not go back.
I'm willing to go back.
Only let me travel these 12 Miles first.
I got money.
I can pay.
Ma'am, I think that's between you an your son.
Ludie? 
He has to do what jessie mae tells him to do.
I know why she wants me back.
It's for my government check.
I don't know anything about that, ma'am.
Won't you let me go?
No. 
Not unless your son takes you.
All right.
Then I've lost.
I've come all this way only to lose.
I kept thinking back there, day and night in those two rooms.
I kept thinking.
And it may mean nothing at all to you, but I kept thinking if I could just set foot there for a minute, even a second,
I might get some understanding of why -- why my life has grown so empty and meaningless and why I've turned into a hateful, quarrelsome old woman.
And before I leave this earth, I'd like to recover some of the dignity and the peace I used to know.
I'm going to die, and jessie mae knows that.
And she's willful.
And it's her will that I die in those two rooms.
Well, she won't have her way.
Because it's my will to die in bountiful.
I want to go home.
B-b-b-but, Mrs. watts -- I want to go home.
Roy, Roy, hurry up now.
Call the doctor.
Roy: 
Yes, sir.
No doctor!
No doctor!
Sit, sit, sit, sit.
Bountiful!
Bountiful! 
Bountiful!
Shh.
[ Crying ] Bountiful.
How you feeling?
Stronger by the minute, thank you.
Does this look familiar?
Yes.
It surely does.
[ Birds chirping ]
Look at bountiful.
There's nothing left.
I'm home.
I'm home.
I'm home.
[ Breathing heavily ]
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'll pay you.
Ma'am, you better come over here and sit down and rest awhile.
Yes, sir.
Don't want to overdo it.
Hope I've done the right thing in bringing you here.
[ Chuckles ]
I don't see what harm it can do as long as you mind the doctor and don't get overexcited.
Yes, sir.
Yeah.
I'll stay out here until your son arrives.
Thank you.
You've been very kind.
[ Bird chirping ]
[ Groans ] Whew.
What kind of bird was that?
Oh, that's a -- that's an old red bird.
Oh, I thought it was a red bird.
I mean, I haven't heard one in so long, I couldn't be sure.
Do they still have scissortails around here?
Yes, ma'am.
I see them out here every now and then when I'm driving to the country.
Oh, I don't think here's anything prettier than a scissortail flying around the sky.
You know, my father was a good man in many ways.
A peculiar man, but a good one.
One of the things he couldn't stand was to see a bird shot on his land.
If the men came hunting, he would take a gun and chase them away.
I think the birds knew they couldn't be touched here.
Our land was always a home to them.
Ducks and geese and finches and bluejays and blue birds and red birds and wild canaries and black birds and mockers and doves and rice birds.
Rice birds get thicker every year.
They seem to thrive out here on the coast.
I guess a mockingbird is my favorite of them all.
I think it's mine, too.
I don't know, though.
I'm mighty partial to a scissortail.
[ Both laugh ]
I hope I get to see one soon.
I hope you can.
My father was born on this land.
And in this house.
Did you know my father?
No, ma'am.
Not that I can remember.
Hmm.
Well, I guess there are not very many around here that remember my father.
I do, of course.
My son.
Funny.
Ever since I've been here, I've been half expecting my mama and my papa walk out the door and greet me and welcome me home.
When you've lived longer than your house and your family, you've lived too long.
Maybe it's just me.
Maybe the need to belong to a house and a family and a town is gone from the rest of the world.
What's happened to the farms?
For the last five Miles, I've seen nothing but woods.
I know.
Land around bountiful just played out.
People like you got discouraged and moved away.
Yeah, but Callie Davis -- she kept her farm going.
Yeah, yeah, she did.
She learned how to treat her land right, and it started paying off for her toward the end.
Heard she was on her tractor the day before she died.
Lonely death she had, all by herself in that big, old house.
There are worse things.
[ Sighs ]
Well, looks to me like you're gonna have a pretty day.
Oh, I hope so.
Are you feeling more rested now?
Oh, yes, I am.
All right.
I'm just gonna head back to the car.
You call me if you need anything.
Thank you.
You'll never know what this has meant to me.
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Laughs ]
Ludie: 
Mama!
Mama!
Mrs. watts: 
Hello, son.
[ Sighs ] Hello, mama.
How do you feel?
I'm feeling much better, ludie.
Yes, ma'am.
I got my wish.
Yes, ma'am.
Hope I didn't worry you too much, ludie.
But I just felt I had to.
Yes, ma'am.
I understand, mama.
But it's done now, so...
[ Sighs ] Let's forget about it.
All right, Sonny.
You did bring jessie mae, didn't you?
Yes, ma'am.
Well, now she's here and she can get out the car and come take a look around.
No, she doesn't seem to want to, mama.
You asked her?
[ Chuckling ] Yes, ma'am.
Did you ask about your raise, son?
Yes, ma'am.
Mr. Douglas told me he liked my work and he'd be glad to recommend a raise for me.
Oh.
The sky's so blue, ludie.
You ever see the sky so blue?
No, ma'am.
Callie Davis died.
Is that so?
When did that happen?
They don't rightly know.
They found her dead.
She'd been riding her tractor just the day before.
They buried her yesterday.
Mama, I should have made myself bring you here before.
I'm sorry.
But I thought it'd be easier for both of us not to see the house again.
I know, ludie, but now you're here.
Don't you want to come inside and take a look around a bit?
I don't think I'd better, mama.
I don't see any use in it.
I'd rather remember it like it was.
[ Laughs ]
Old house has gotten kind of rundown, hasn't it?
Yes, it has.
I don't think it'll last out the next Gulf storm.
Doesn't look like it would.
You know who you look like standing there, ludie?
Who?
My papa.
Do I?
Just like him.
Course, I've been noticing as you grow older that you're looking more and more like him.
My papa was a good-looking man, ludie.
Was he?
You've seen his picture.
Didn't you think so?
I don't remember.
Been a long time since I looked at his picture.
Well, he was always considered a very nice-looking man.
Do you remember my papa at all, son?
No, ma'am.
Not too well.
I was only 10 when he died, mama.
I remember the day he died.
I heard about it as I was coming home from school.
Lee Williams told me.
I thought he was joking.
I called him a liar.
I remember...
You taking me into the parlor there on the day of the funeral so I could say goodbye to him.
I remember the coffin, people sitting in the room, old man Joe Williams took me up on to his knee and he told me grandpapa was his best friend and that his life was a real example for me to follow.
I remember grandmama sitting by the coffin crying.
She made me promise that when I had a son of my own,
I'd name him after grandpapa.
And I would have, too.
I've never forgotten that promise.
Well...
I didn't have a son.
Or a daughter.
Billy Davidson told me that his wife is expecting their fourth child.
They have two girls and a boy now, and Billy Davidson -- he doesn't make much more than I do.
And they certainly seem to get along.
Own their own home and have a car.
Does your heart good to hear them tell about how they all get along.
Everybody has their own job, even the youngest child.
She's only 3.
She puts the napkins around the table at meal time.
That's her job.
Billy said to me, "ludie, I don't know how I'd keep going without my kids."
He said, "I don't understand.
"What keeps you going, ludie?
What you work for?"
I said, "well...
[Chuckles] Billy..."
[ Voice breaking ] Oh, mama...
I haven't made any kind of life for you -- either one of you.
And I try so hard.
I try so hard.
Mama, I lied to you.
I do remember.
I remember so much.
[ Sighs ]
This house...
The life here.
The night you woke me up and dressed me and took me for a walk and there was a full moon and I was crying because I was afraid and...
You comforted me.
I want to stop remembering, mama.
Doesn't do any good to remember.
[ Car horn honks ]
We have to go now, mama.
Jessie mae is nervous I might lose my job.
Ludie, what happened to us?
Why have we come to this?
I don't know, mama.
To have stayed and fought the land would have been better than this.
Yes, ma'am.
Pretty soon, it will all be gone.
10 years, 20 years.
This house, me, you.
I know, mama.
But the river will be here, the fields, the woods, the smells of the Gulf.
That's what I always took my strength from, ludie.
Not from houses, not from people.
It's so quiet here.
So eternally quiet.
I have forgotten the peace, the quiet.
Ludie, do you remember how my papa always had that field there planted with cotton?
Yes, ma'am.
See?
It's all woods now.
I expect someday, people will come again and cut down the trees and plant the cotton and maybe even wear out the land again.
And then their children will sell it and go to the cities and the trees will come up again.
I expect so, mama.
We're part of all this, ludie.
We left it.
But we can never lose what it's given us.
Jessie mae: 
Ludie?
Ludie?
Ludie, are you coming or not?
We were just starting, jessie mae.
Hello, jessie mae.
[ Sighs ] I am not speaking to you.
I guess you're proud of the time you gave us, dragging us all the way out here this time of the morning.
If ludie loses his job over this, I hope you're satisfied.
I'm not gonna lose my job, jessie mae.
Well, you could.
All right, jessie mae.
And she should realize it.
She's selfish.
That's her trouble.
Just purely selfish.
Now, you tell your mama what we discussed in the car.
No, we can talk about it driving back to Houston.
I think we should have it out right here.
I'd like everything understood right now.
I got everything written down.
Do you want to read it?
You want me to read it to you, mother watts?
What is it, jessie mae?
It's a few rules and regulations that are necessary for my peace of mind...
And I think to ludie's, too.
First of all, I'd like to ask you a question.
Yes, ma'am?
What possessed you to run away?
Didn't you know you'd be caught and have to back?
I had to come, jessie mae.
20 years is a long time.
But what if you had died from the excitement?
Didn't you know you could have died?
I knew.
And you didn't care?
I had to come, jessie mae.
[ Sighs ]
Well, I hope it is out of your system now.
It is.
[ Sighs ]
I've had my trip, and it's more than enough to keep me happy for the rest of my life.
Well, glad to hear that.
That was the first thing on my list.
Number one, there will be no more running away.
There will be no more running away.
Good.
Number two, no more hymn singing when I'm in the apartment.
When I'm gone, you can sing your lungs out.
Agreed?
Agreed.
Number three -- can't this wait till we get home, jessie mae?
Honey, we agreed I'm gonna handle this.
No more pouting.
When I ask a question, I'd like an answer.
All right.
Number four, with the condition that your heart is in,
I feel you should not run around the apartment when you can walk.
All right, jessie mae.
Well, that's all.
Is there anything you want to say to me?
No, ma'am.
Well, I might as well tell you
I'm not staying in that house and watching over you anymore.
I'm joining a bridge club.
I'm going to town at least twice a week.
If you go now, it'll just be a funeral.
You understand?
I understand.
Well, all right.
Mama, we also agreed that we can all try our best to get along together.
Jessie mae also realizes that sometimes she gets upset when she shouldn't.
Don't you, jessie mae?
Mm-hmm.
Ludie: 
Let's start by trying to have a pleasant ride home.
All righty.
[ Bird chirping ]
That's a red bird.
A what?
A red bird.
[ Sighs ]
That's what I thought you said.
Come on.
Let's get going.
Do we go back by way of Harrison?
Yeah.
Oh, good.
We can stop at the drug store.
I am so thirsty, I could drink 10 Coca-colas.
Are y'all ready?
Yes, ma'am.
Where's your purse?
Oh. 
I guess I left it inside.
Where?
Oh, I'll go get it.
No, I want to go.
You'll take all day.
But you wait here.
I don't want to get left alone in this ramshackley old house.
There's no telling what's running around in there.
There's nothing around in there.
Well, there might be some rats or snakes or something.
I said there's nothing in there.
Ludie: 
Mama.
All right, ludie.
[ Bird chirping ]
Isn't that scissortail?
Look.
That's a scissortail.
I don't know.
I didn't get to see it if it was.
They fly so fast.
[ Laughs ] Here is your purse.
Now, where's the money from that government check?
In the purse.
No, it isn't.
Well, let me look.
[ Sighs ]
[ Laughs ]
What is the matter with you?
It's a good joke on me.
What's so funny?
I just remembered.
I left this purse on the bus last night.
I caused the man a lot of trouble 'cause I thought the check was in there.
And do you know, that check was not in this purse all that time?
Well, where was it?
Right here.
Huh?
Give it to me before you go lose it again.
I'm not gonna lose it.
Now, don't start that business.
Just give it to me.
Jessie mae.
Well, honey, what if she goes and loses it?
Oh, stop this wrangling once and for all.
You have given me your word and I expect you to keep your word.
We have to live together.
And we're gonna live together...
In peace.
It's all right, ludie.
Let jessie mae take care of the check.
[ Sighs ] Here, you keep the check.
Just don't go lose it again.
Come on. 
Let's go.
Mama, if I get a raise, you won't have to -- it's all right, son.
I've had my trip.
Go ahead.
I'll be right there.
The house used to look so...
Big.
Goodbye, bountiful.
Goodbye.
♪ Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine ♪
♪ oh, what a foretaste of glory divine ♪
♪ heir of salvation, purchase of God ♪
♪ born of his spirit, washed in his blood ♪
♪ this is my story, this is my song ♪
♪ praising my savior all the day long ♪
♪ this is my story, this is my song ♪
♪ praising my savior all the day long ♪

Obstinacy
'I love you more than myself.'
'You're the one for me.'
'The heart is obsessed' 'about making you mine.'
'I want to immerse myself in you.'
'Look into my eyes.'
'You can see me in you.'
'I love you more than myself.'
'You're the one for me.'
'The heart is obsessed' 'about making you mine.'
Officer.
- Yes?
You spared some time for us in this bad weather.
We're truly grateful for that.
That's the kind of relationship we share.
I always come whenever you call me.
I just told you about Rohan.
What do you think?
It's an interesting story.
I've cracked many difficult cases.
But Rohan's story has so many anomalies.
You'll see Rohan in a while.
He is a bit shaken up.
But you have to help him. 
Please.
Consider it done.
- Sir..
Come on.
You should come home someday.
All we do is talk over the phone.
Please come.
Tea?
Yes, please.
Our police station and your newspaper office are the safest places.
Karan updated me about your case.
But I want to hear it from you.
In detail.
Hey, Ronnie.
Are you done with the story?
I already mailed it to you.
- What's your take?
Well.. 
A 32 to 35 year old woman.
Depression.
Husband is in the Gulf.
Found with a licensed pistol in her right hand in a hammock.
They also found a suicide note.
According to the police, it's an open and shut case.
And..
What's your verdict?
Murder.
Successful! 
Beautiful!
And in the end just awful!
Just like every love affair.
Did Priya call?
Come on, man. 
Enough is enough.
It's been almost a year since Priya moved to London.
Since then she hasn't called or replied to your emails.
What does it mean?
She has gone. 
Forget her.
I'm looking for ways to forget her.
Don't change your house, change your bed instead.
You need to sleep with someone, buddy.
Get laid.
Really.
There's a property on Coco Beach.
The landlord lives in the main house but he also has an outhouse.
Let me know if that suits you.
I have met his daughter couple of times.
Who's more attractive the girl or the outhouse?
I'd say a girl in the outhouse!
Your cabin is like your sex life buddy.
Start the engines.
But she wasn't an ordinary girl.
Hello.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello.
Oh, shucks! 
Be careful.
Excuse me. 
Don't be scared.
He is my pet.
You have a pet too.
- Yes, but..
So why are you being scared?
But that's a..
He was just 2 months old.
He was very badly injured.
Had I not brought him home, he would've died.
I'll keep him here for another month and later, I'll set him free in a lake.
Are you the landlord's daughter?
- Yes.
Actually Karan has recommended this place.
Why do I feel that I've seen you before?
I have a pretty common face, right?
I mean to say..
The outhouse is over there.
There..
Thanks.
You're welcome.
You're welcome, Mr. Neighbor.
Hey!
You?
I've called an electrician but he'll come tomorrow morning.
Be careful!
Thanks, Ronnie.
Hey..
How do you know my name?
I don't know your name.
But didn't you call me by my name when you said 'Hey Ronnie'.
No. 
Never.
You're trying so hard to find out my name.
then I am Maya.
Nice meeting you, Ronnie.
See. 
You know my name.
You just said your name is Ronnie.
Fuse box!
Oh, God!
Come on, sister, pick up.
Hi, sister, you didn't..
Fine. 
Forget it.
I have to tell you something.
You know what?
Your words are literally coming true.
You predicted love at first sight in my case.
That's exactly what happened.
I'm in love.
He moved here a while ago and..
Hey..
Hey, little Bobby.
What's up, little buddy?
Yes.
Good morning, sir.
- Good morning.
Maya ma'am asked me to come here.
I am the electrician.
Sir, it'll take a few more minutes.
How long have you been working here? 
- Since I am a kid.
I am from Coco beach.
My father was also an electrician.
And Maya..
The one who sent you here.
How long have you known her?
Three years.
Very nice lady.
She has been living here since her father got ill.
She also has an elder sister but I think she lives in Delhi.
Hey!
Good morning.
Nice.
Good night.
Bye.
Oh shucks..
I am.. 
I am so sorry.
You sneaked up on me and scared me.
Was I sneaking in?
Why would I sneak into my own house?
By the way, why were you snooping around in my house?
Well..
I was looking for you.
I know I am so special.
You know, I am a good habit.
Thank you for the electrician.
- You're welcome.
Why don't you have dinner with us tonight?
That's okay. 
You don't have to..
I mean..
- No?
That can mean both yes and no.
So are you coming?
Don't worry. 
My cooking is just as special as I am.
Sure.
Why not.
I'll see you.
Okay.
Yes!
Is everything okay?
- Doctor..
I was always scared of venturing into jungles since I was a kid.
But as a crime reporter I have to go to these places.
I fought all my fears, doctor.
I never let anything defeat me.
But I can't face my fear of heights.
Acrophobia.
Vertigo.
It's the fear of heights.
But why suddenly?
I mean I was fine until now.
And no one in my family had it either.
It doesn't have to be hereditary.
It can also be the result of extreme stress.
And to fight with this stress it's only love and passion.
Because when a person is passionately in love all his problems disappear.
It's been a long time since Priya.
You should move on.
Reduce your stress.
Go out!
Go to parties. 
Meet new people.
Expand yourself.
Okay.
'Gold necklace around her neck..'
Madam.
Give me the keys.
I'll hand it over to Ronnie.
Oh hell!
Hey, Ronnie.
- Yes?
Good morning everybody!
How are we?
Hello, sir.
How's the place?
- It's nice.
And Maya?
Come on, sister. 
Pick up.
Hi, sister. 
You know what?
Ronnie loves me.
You know what?
He moved here for me.
He has got my photographs.
He saw me and followed me here.
He found out our outhouse was vacant and he shifted here.
Tonight he is coming over for dinner.
'I felt I am so lonely for the first time.'
'I felt I am so lonely for the first time.'
'I am worried and I am hapless to say.'
'I need you for staying alive.'
'I need you for staying alive.'
'I felt I am so lonely for the first time.'
'I am worried and I am hapless to say.'
'I need you for staying alive.'
'I need you for staying alive.'
'I need you..'
'My heart races away' 'the moment I come close to you.'
'Every time, I look in the mirror'
'I see you next to me.'
'Let me wash away in the tide of love.'
'I need you for staying alive.'
'I need you for staying alive.'
'I need you for staying alive.'
Are you telling me that she fell in love with you?
Sort of.
Mr. Karan..
I thought love heals all problems.
So why not vertigo?
Do you always drop in like this?
Scared, are you? 
Fuse box!
Is it 9 PM already?
But the sun hasn't set yet.
That's because it's not the time for sunset yet?
I think I invited you to dinner.
I am very forgetful.
Actually I'm here to invite you.
- For?
For a party.
What do you say?
Yeah?
- Okay.
Will it be too late?
Dad is alone at home.
We'll leave whenever you want to.
Is it a yes or a no?
What should I do?
Yes or no?
I think it's a no, right?
No!
Yes.
Good.
So I'll see you.
Yes.
I'm going out on my date.
Obviously. 
My first date ever.
I'm already feeling nervous.
I wish you were here.
That would've been so good.
All I know is that I love him and I think he loves me too.
Obviously. 
Why else would he take me out on a date?
Date? 
No, I just find her interesting.
She is sort of strange, but cute.
No. 
I'm not having an affair.
At least not for some time.
You know, don't you?
Yeah, I'll tell her.
Of course, I'll tell..
I am sure she won't misunderstand.
Wait. 
I'll call you.
Maya?
Ronnie, did you lose something?
You look gorgeous.
'I'm struck by love. 
Heal me.'
'I'm struck by love. 
Heal me.'
I love this place.
Let's head to the bar.
Come. 
Come on.
Hey, Frankie.
- Hey!
Pour some shots, man.
- Here you go.
Right from this..
Come on..
- No.
Please. 
For me. 
Please.
'You're my desire.
You're my intoxication.'
'My heart is your slave.'
'I wish to live with you with no bounds.'
'Come and dwell in my breath.'
'You're my desire.
You're my intoxication.'
'My heart is your slave.'
'I wish to live with you with no bounds.'
'Come and dwell in my breath.'
'I'm struck by love. 
Heal me.'
'Come and touch my heart.'
'Come and touch my heart.'
Sister, I'm going to tell him tonight.
I'm going to tell him.
I love you.
Fuse box.
Ronnie! 
Hi!
Nancy?
Wow!
- Come on!
Oh, my God!
- Nancy!
How are you?
- I am good. 
How are you?
I am not talking to you.
You broke up with my sister.
How could you forget me?
You changed your phone number, but didn't tell me.
You broke all contact..
- Okay. 
Okay.
Had I met you, you would've reminded me of her.
I just wanted to get away from everything.
For a while.
Okay now.
I'll take your number.
You will call me.
- I will call you.
Promise?
- I promise.
It's the same number, right?
- Yeah.
Are you okay now?
Okay, let's dance.
Guys, let's dance.
Come on. 
Let's go.
- Come on!
Oh, my God!
- Hey..
Ronnie!
'God brought you to me.'
'I made you mine.'
'Don't ever separate from me.'
'Love is essential for the soul.'
'Come and touch my heart.'
'Come and touch my heart.'
See you, Ronnie! 
Bye.
- Bye.
Where have you been?
Come on.
No, I don't want it.
What happened? 
Something wrong?
No, it's just..
Bad mood.
Now?
It's just my mood.
It's better now.
I am in a good mood now.
And I didn't know you were so moody.
But I was a moody girl.
Then I thought, we just get one life why waste it?
Moods no longer control me
I'm in control of my moods.
You know what? 
You're such a..
Such a cute doll.
Can we have some music?
- Sure.
Rock?
- Hip-Hop!
Hip-Hop!
- Or jazz.
You have 'Bhangra'?
- Do you like any music?
I like the music you like.
Fuse box!
Fuse box?
Ronnie!
Oh shucks!
Oh my God!
Maya!
Who was driving on the wrong side of the road?
It was raining heavily and it was very dark.
I don't know who was on the wrong side.
You didn't try to call the police and fled the scene.
I didn't run.
Shucks! 
What have I done!
Oh, my God! 
Shucks!
Is anybody there?
Oh, my God! 
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Maya!
Maya, come here!
Maya, someone's down there.
- Ronnie!
What happened?
- Someone's there, Maya.
How can I be so stupid?
What happened?
- Someone's down there!
I have vertigo. 
You have to take him out. 
- Will you relax?
We have to save this person!
Maya!
- Relax.
We need to take her to the hospital. 
- Just relax!
Ronnie, I am a nurse.
I'll take care of him.
Wait here.
Just wait, I'm coming.
Don't move from here, okay?
Just wait here!
Shucks!
Help! 
Somebody help!
Help!
Is anybody there?
Help us!
Maya! 
Is everything okay?
Maya, is she okay?
Ronnie!
Maya, please tell me everything is alright!
Ronnie!
Ronnie!
Help! 
Anybody there?
Anybody there?
God!
Maya, tell me what happened.
Ronnie, too late.
What?
- She's dead.
Maya, what do you mean?
- I tried my level best.
We can't stay here any longer.
Are you out of your freaking mind?
How can we leave her here?
- Listen to me.
We can't stay here any longer! 
- Maya.
It's dark here and it's raining heavily.
If the police find out..
Don't forget you're drunk!
Let's go from here.
Let's go. 
Let's go.
Shucks!
- Come on!
What if someone finds out, Maya?
- Come on.
Maya, listen.
Listen to me.
- Let's go.
Get inside the car!
I killed her!
I killed her!
I killed her! 
I killed her!
I killed her!
I killed her! 
I killed her!
I killed her!
- Calm down, Ronnie.
I killed her!
- Ronnie, just calm down.
Why..
Ronnie. 
It was her fault.
It was dark and raining heavily and she was speeding on the one-way street.
She was drunk too.
We should go to the police.
We'll confess everything.
- Ronnie.
I'm telling you. 
This..
Ronnie, I'm a single woman!
And if the police find out..
Drunk driving!
Attempt to murder.
Who will look after my father?
What.. 
What will I tell my sister?
We can't go to the police.
Don't do this.
Maya, I am so sorry.
Ronnie, you're not alone in this.
Even I am there.
Maya.
Please.
Maya, I am sorry.
Relax.
- You'll be fine, Maya.
Bobby, don't..
Breakfast?
Eat something.
I don't feel like eating.
At least, have some coffee.
You haven't eaten since last night.
Just leave me alone.
Fine.
You got a call from Karan.
He told me that the girl who died in the accident was at the party too.
Did he say a name?
- He said some girl Nancy.
Hey!
I am so sorry, little buddy!
But daddy is in a deep mess.
You'll report about the flood in Margaon.
Figure out who is your photographer.
I want impactful visuals.
The water should look neck-deep.
Alright.
Hey, Ronnie.
I'll talk to you later.
Good, you're here.
I think you should cover the hit-and-run story.
Sorry? 
Which story?
I called you for this.
Didn't Maya inform you?
That one..
Yes. 
Some hit-and-run.
Some hit-and-run?
Ronnie, I am serious.
Didn't Maya tell you anything about Nancy?
What happened to Nancy?
Oh!
- What?
Shucks!
You mean? 
No!
- Hey, man!
You mean to say that..
Shucks! 
Nancy is dead.
You mean to say that Nancy is dead?
I must call Priya.
- Hey, listen.
Listen, man. 
Listen.
I understand what you're going through and I am really sorry.
But this is big!
I mean we shouldn't give up on this story thinking it's just an accident.
Come on, man!
Don't you understand?
This has the ingredients of a huge lead story!
A lonely girl on a desolate road.
It was very dark and it was raining.
And then hit-and-run. 
Boom!
My friend, this is up your street.
Make it happen.
Find me some controversy.
Shame the cops.
Embarrass the government.
Come on, man!
Get me a rocking story which can stay on our front page for weeks.
Hey! 
Hey! 
Listen!
Give it to Thomas. 
Give it to Rita. 
Give it to somebody!
But I am already following up with the Sonia murder case.
I can't help you. 
I am sorry.
Hey, Ronnie?
Any problems?
The Deputy Superintendent of Police is taking an interest in the Sonia Singh murder case So I can't delay.
Ronnie, I asked any problems?
No. 
Why?
You've been working for me as a crime report for four years.
And this is the first time that you're late.
What's up?
- Actually my car broke down.
There were no taxis available either.
And the date?
Date?
Maya and you went out on a date, didn't you?
Nothing of that sort.
I am just trying to know her.
- Oh listen.
Explore away. 
I believe you.
In fact, I'm with you on this.
But hey. 
Take my car and go to the site.
Don't worry.
I'll talk to the DSP.
Don't worry about the minister.
The favorable articles our newspaper wrote after the minister's son rammed his Skoda into a school bus is the reason he still has a sterling reputation.
So the minister owes us big time.
Don't worry.
Go on.
Make me proud.
Help, Ronnie!
Ronnie, help me!
Ronnie!
Hello, Mr. Rohan Achrekar.
Any leads?
Was it a truck or a pick-up?
Bus or car?
What's your guess, Mr. Crime Reporter?
I guess investigation is your job, not mine.
Who was the driver?
Was he rash? 
Or he just didn't see it coming?
Or was he drunk?
His car could've skidded.
I'm trying to unfold the mysteries behind this case.
Because there's something bigger than evidence.
Truth!
I uncover the truth and don't just gather evidence.
Whatever.
Shucks! 
Where's my car?
Maya!
Maya!
Maya!
Maya..
Everything was so dirty.
I thought I'll clean the place.
- Where's my car?
Your mirror..
You write everything on it.
- Where the heck is my car?
Your towels.
Look, how dirty..
Where the heck is my car, Maya?
Don't get hysterical, Ronnie!
I am not getting hysterical.
I am freaking scared!
My car's paint is on Nancy's scooter.
Do you know what will happen if the cops find my car?
I'll go to jail. 
I should've never listened to you.
I shouldn't have listened to you at all.
Ronnie, your car is safe!
Your car is safe!
'I love you more than myself.'
'You're the one for me.'
'The heart is obsessed' 'about making you mine.'
'I want to immerse myself in you.'
Where's my car?
- 'Look into my eyes.'
Can you swim?
'You can see me in you.'
'I love you more than myself.'
'You're the one for me.'
'The heart is obsessed' 'about making you mine.'
Maya, what have you done?
Why are you complicating things?
It's still not late.
We should tell everything to the police.
Maya.
Maya, stop for a second!
I am talking to you.
Don't you have any feelings?
I don't have any feelings?
I'm doing it because I have feelings.
My feelings are for you, god darn it!
What's wrong if I want to save you and save myself?
I am a girl.
A single woman.
But I'm trying to stay strong so that you stay strong.
Maya, listen.
But now..
I am scared for you.
What if something happens to you?
If something happens?
I am scared.
Maya..
- I am scared.
I am scared.
- Maya..
I am scared!
When was your car stolen?
- Saturday night.
Which car?
Scorpio.
Color?
- Grey.
License plate number?
GA 01 6666.
Nice number.
In the name of the Lord.
He that stands in the house of the Lord's.
In the court of the house of the Lord's
Praise the Lord, for the Lord is good.
Sing praises onto His name, for God, it is pleasant.
For the Lord has chosen Nancy Smith as His pleasant treasure.
For I know, that the Lord is great and that our Lord is above all gods.
You killed me!
Ronnie!
You killed me!
No!
You okay?
How is your vertigo?
I heard your car got stolen.
Yes.
The car that rammed Nancy's scooter was also grey.
Evidence number one.
Yeah?
Yes?
Does Ronnie Achrekar live here?
Thanks.
Are you his colleague?
No. 
He is a friend.
Today was my sister's funeral.
You might have read in the papers.
Nancy.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
But Ronnie isn't at home.
Okay.
Excuse me!
- Yeah?
What do I tell Ronnie?
Priya.
- Priya.
Well..
You said he isn't..
I am so sorry about Nancy.
I can't believe Nancy is dead.
She was so excited.
She was supposed to come to London and now she's no more.
She did not deserve this.
So young.
So happy.
It doesn't make a difference to anyone here.
This is just another case for the cops.
But not for me.
I have to find out who killed Nancy so mercilessly.
Ronnie.
Please help me find that rascal.
Coffee.
He was inhumane.
He could've taken her to the hospital.
The police said that injury wasn't fatal.
Had she been taken to the hospital, she could've survived.
Ronnie, only you can help me.
I want that creep behind bars.
You're a well-known reporter.
You can write articles and put pressure on the police!
You know, maybe a single article can help us find a witness.
You know?
Perhaps someone will lead us to the car or to the driver!
Give me something!
Anything, Ronnie! 
Anything!
What the heck can I do about it?
Am I the police or the lawyer?
Am I the witness? 
No, right?
Please, Priya.
Try to understand.
Please.
The other day you didn't even meet me at the graveyard.
I should've understood where our relationship stands.
'When we met, it was the trial of our love.'
'We parted ways.'
'Yet our destination didn't change.'
'You were with me on my excruciating journey' 'like my shadow.'
'You're the one who encouraged me at every step.'
'When we met, God blessed me with His grace.'
'When we met, God blessed me with His grace.'
'Filled with sorrows.'
'My heart was filled with sorrows.'
'Without you, my heart was filled with sorrows.'
Darn! 
Shucks!
Oh, God!
You're implying that someone fiddled with your car brakes which caused the accident.
And you still got away without a scratch, huh!
We'll have to inspect the car.
But I already sent the car to the garage.
Very strange.
Three sugars please.
You sent your car to the garage without filing a police complaint.
Are you sure this was an accident?
But this doesn't look like an accident.
What do you mean?
Nancy was your sister, right?
- Yes.
Step-sister?
Yes.
- Thank you.
Welcome.
Beautiful house.
Whose house is it?
It was Nancy's 18th birthday gift.
From dad.
- When was her birthday?
Today.
And after Nancy?
- Mine.
I see.
So this place is all yours since last night.
What do you mean?
- I mean perhaps..
Nancy was murdered.
Somebody killed her.
I don't mean you. 
Not yet.
This is my number.
Call me if you have any information about the case.
Are they investigating Nancy's murder or me?
He's investigating you in connection with Nancy's murder.
But why?
Because only you benefit from Nancy's death.
That's why.
I am going back.
I can't handle all this.
But I thought you wanted to come back.
Yeah, but..
Not like this.
I missed you every day when we were apart.
And trust me. 
Every single day.
I was wrong to think that I could be happy by staying away from this place, from you.
But I was wrong.
- Now what?
It's not possible for me to stay here any longer.
Why don't you come with me?
It's not that easy..
Nice drink. 
Is it new?
- Sort of.
Nice mix.
Old relations and a new drink.
Wow!
Wow!
Sorry for twice interfering in your illogical lives with my logical findings.
Excuse me.
According to forensic report
Nancy didn't die of the accident.
She was strangled.
Nancy has been murdered.
What?
Ms. Priya, when did you come in the city?
You came here a day before Nancy's death.
Not a day later.
Am I right or am I right?
Now this is an official warning for you.
You cannot leave this city without my permission.
Without my written permission.
Is that clear?
Another question.
Who else did know you came here a day before Nancy's death?
I mean who else?
Ronnie?
And if Ronnie knew then Praise the Lord!
I mean..
This is going to be so much fun!
It will be so much fun!
It will be so much fun.
Maya.
I've been knocking on your door for so long.
Why aren't you answering the door?
Even your phone is switched off.
Maya.
Maya, you know what?
I met Inspector Moses today.
Forensic report says that someone murdered Nancy.
No.
Not possible.
How is this possible?
Nancy had an accident.
We were there.
Moses is lying.
- I just don't get this!
I am so confused.
Someone is trying to prove the accident as a murder.
But why?
Why would anyone do it?
- Who is Priya?
What?
- Who is Priya?
What does she mean to you?
What do you care?
- What's your relation with her?
Why do you meet her every day?
What I do and who I meet is my personal business, okay?
It's not your personal business, Mr. Rohan Achrekar.
Don't forget.
Even I am involved in everything that's going on.
And Priya who you meet every day is actually Nancy's sister.
It was Nancy who died because you rammed her with your car.
Because you were drunk.
And I..
I was with you. 
Understand?
You won't meet Priya again!
That's it.
I can't do that.
- Why?
Why can't you?
What does she mean to you?
- She's my ex-girlfriend.
I knew that witch will ruin you.
What did you say?
What did you call her?
Come on, tell me!
What did you call her?
Your Priya! 
She is a witch!
- Maya!
Maya, I am so sorry.
- Don't touch me.
Maya, listen.
Maya! 
Maya!
Mr. Achrekar, why did Maya hate Priya?
Jealousy. 
Jealousy.
Jealousy.
'You are mine, just mine.'
'Wherever you go, you just come to me.'
'I am a stone.'
'Come and break me and turn me into a mirror.'
Hey buddy, your article was sensational.
My newspaper sales have gone up by 100 percent.
Last year, it was the parents and this year their daughter died in an accident.
Nancy was still alive after the accident.
She was murdered later.
Yes.
Right?
- Yes.
If the driver intended to kill her..
He screwed up.
Or maybe someone accidentally rammed into her..
And fled the scene thinking she was dead.
The murderer took advantage of the situation.
You know what this means?
He climbed down the ditch and he found that Nancy was alive.
God darn it, Ronnie!
Do you know what you're saying?
Of course.
Come, I'll show you.
Nancy was supposed to leave the bar and attend some guy's surprise birthday party.
Someone was supposed to kill Nancy between the bar and this party.
Maybe the boy himself.
Unfortunately she met with an accident on a one-way street.
After the accident, the driver fled the scene and the murderer strangled Nancy to death.
And of course, this accident wasn't planned.
Nancy was supposed to die that night.
Whether the accident had taken place or not.
This accident was incidental.
This accident..
Hang on!
Hang on, Ronnie. 
Hang on.
Maybe this is just a conspiracy theory.
I mean, I think it's a hypothesis.
Yes, it's a hypothesis.
Nonetheless any hypothesis which has the potential to be proved right and anything that can be proved makes a great story.
And we have a great story.
Hello.
- Maya.
I have some news for you.
Read tomorrow's headlines and you'll understand everything.
Dinner tonight?
Why did you choose tonight?
Just..
You're lying, aren't you?
You know Saturday is my birthday.
So come home, I'll cook a nice meal for you.
Of course, it is.
How could I forget?
I had a question.
Give me that fish.
Did you meet Priya again?
No.
I trust you.
Bye.
Bye.
Yes!
Your phone is ringing.
I was busy and the phone was on silent mode.
Anything urgent?
Moses called.
They've found a witness.
I want you to come with me.
Please don't say no.
It means a lot to me.
It was very dark.
It was also raining, so I couldn't see much.
Did you see a car?
- Yes, sir, I saw a car.
It was at a distance.
- Which car?
It wasn't one of the regular cars. 
It was big. 
A big car.
How many people?
- Two people got down.
A male and a female.
Just like these two.
Just like these two.
- Are you sure?
Not sure, it's a hunch.
The guy was carrying a torch.
First, he climbed down and then climbed back up and then he fled.
And the girl. 
Where was she?
Which girl?
You said a guy and a girl got down from the car.
Where did the girl go?
- Where was the girl?
The girl..
Tell me.
The girl?
Speak up!
The girl..
Sir, I'll come back as soon as I remember where the girl was.
- Idiot.
I'll come back when I remember where the girl was. 
- Out!
Ms. Priya, I hope you remember.
I told you.
You can't leave the city.
I am not going anywhere till Nancy gets justice.
I think it'll be better if you stop suspecting Priya and find the murderer.
Hello. 
- May I speak to Rohan Achrekar?
Mr. Achrekar left with Priya in the afternoon.
Who is this?
Hello. 
Hello?
Can you stay for a while?
I am a little scared.
Sorry!
Actually, I have dinner plans with someone so I'll be late.
I mean, I have to go.
It's okay.
I understand.
Good night.
Yes, Maya.
- Hello.
Where are you?
- I am at the office.
I'm working on Nancy's story and I have some more information.
I'll be late.
I'm sorry, I can't delay this.
No problem.
I'll wait.
No, no, no.
Actually, don't wait up.
If it gets too late, I'll sleep in the office.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Hey, I am really sorry.
I'll make it up to you.
'I love you more than myself.'
'You're the one for me.'
'The heart is obsessed' 'about making you mine.'
'You are mine, just mine.'
'Wherever you go, you just come to me.'
'I am a stone.'
'Come and break me and turn me into a mirror.'
You didn't go for your dinner.
How could I have gone when you were scared?
You know, I could never leave you alone.
I missed you a lot.
I missed you a lot, too.
You know what?
I knew you wouldn't leave.
You know what? 
No one knows me better than anyone.
'I have found a reason to live again.'
'I found the shore when I immersed myself in you.'
'I have found a reason to live again.'
'I found life again.'
How long have your people lived here?
- We built this city, thousands of years ago.
So, you actually built it, you didn't just find it this way?
- No.
And you've had no trouble with the Wraith?
- No.
Any particular reason?
- The Wraith do not concern us.
Ah, I see, he didn't answer my question.
I'm sorry, you didn't actually answer my question!
huh?
Oh! 
My!
How many people live here?
- Millions.
Well, the power requirements for a city this size must be enormous. 
Well, plus shielding from the Wraith, we're talking what? 
3 Zero Point Modules? 
Maybe 4?
Ah, sorry, ZPMs, ah, um, ah, a device that taps vast sources of power from vacuum energy?
Oh, yes. 
We have many of those.
Exactly how many is "many"?
"Exactly" doesn't matter. "Many" is plenty.
Truthfully, I do not know the exact number. 
More than enough to suit our needs.
I assume that you, ah, built them yourselves?
- Yes.
- Yes.
Rodney, you're slobbering.
- Please, the Council is waiting.
Well, we have our answer.
- To what question?
Whether or not they're Ancients.
- In which case I've got a bone to pick with them.
Where did you come from?
We are explorers. 
We come from a world very far from here.
- Really far.
In fact, you can't get there from here.
How did you happen to discover us?
We came across an Ancient Outpost that listed this gate address in its database.
But, no other information, I might add.
Oddly, the database neglected to include any information on a society of millions of Ancients... such as yourselves.
Why is that?
- We are the last of those you refer to as Ancients.
We were once a race united in our pursuit of knowledge and enlightenment.
But, our paths diverged after a disagreement tore the fabric of that unity.
What kind of a disagreement?
Suffice it to say, they chose to disregard our counsel during a time of great conflict, and they suffered the consequences at the hands of a relentless enemy.
The Wraith?
We parted ways with our brothers and sisters and came here... where we have thrived for many thousands of years.
Yeah, you're doing a lot of thriving.
May I ask what counsel did you offer that the others chose to disregard?
Our Ancient brothers were arrogant, which led them to greatly underestimate the Wraith... an enemy inferior in intelligence, yes, but vastly superior in numbers and ruthlessness.
They wouldn't have been so outnumbered if you had helped.
- That's the bone I wanted to pick at.
You said they were your brothers. 
Where we come from, we take care of our family.
Um, what my friend is trying to say is, there are still a lot of Wraith out there and we could sure use your help fighting them.
Eradication of them is among our goals.
You mean you have a plan?
- We do.
Great! 
Let's hear it!
Your plan, I mean.
I doubt that you would be able to grasp its complexity and scope.
Fortunately, I've very good with complexity.
- And scope.
All you need to know is that one day soon, the Wraith will exist no more.
All we need to know.
There are matters of importance for me to attend to.
In the meantime, you are explorers and presumably in need of rest and sustenance.
We've made arrangements for you to spend a *short* time among us.
He says the other Ancients are arrogant?
I apologize if you felt Oberoth was condascending in any way.
How about in every way?
- It is difficult for him to see who's capable of understanding.
Yeah, well, how many Ph.D.s does he have?
Niam, I was wondering, your people have been here for thousands of years?
- Yes.
Well, in that time, most Ancients we know have Ascended.
- You know Ascension.
Well, yes. 
In fact, we always thought that Ancients were no longer around... that most of them evolved to the point of transforming into beings of pure energy.
- Yes, that's true.
Well, I take it your people aren't interested?
- Oh, Ascension is the goal of many of us.
But, Oberoth feels there is still much to do.
We must become all that we can.
You don't agree with him, do you?
Your guest quarters are this way.
It must have been quite a serious falling-out for the Ancients to eliminate any reference to them in the entire database.
Unless they're lying.
Might it not be possible that these people merely discovered this city, as you discovered Atlantis?
Wouldn't be surprised. 
They don't seem very Ancient-y to me.
Ancient-y?
- Yes. 
That's the word I was looking for.
You think they could be deceiving us?
Teyla's right. 
Could've found the city the way it was and moved in years ago.
I feel they are hiding something.
Other than their plan to defeat the Wraith, you mean?
- There's no plan.
No, I don't think so either.
Why would they say they had a plan if they don't have a plan?
They figured out a way to hide from the rest of the galaxy, including the Wraith, and they're happy to go on with their lives just minding their own business.
Whoever they are.
- I think that is what we need to find out.
Thank you for taking the time to see me. 
I thought we might achieve more... in a one-on-one meeting, leader to leader.
What is it you wish to achieve?
The establishment of diplomatic and trade relations between our peoples.
Trade!
? 
Do you really believe that you have anything of value to offer to us?
It's possible, Oberoth, and there's only one way to find that out.
But I do know that there is something you could offer us.
That is assistance with our fight against the Wraith.
As I said before, we will commence our plan at a time of our choosing.
Would you at least consider sharing with us some tools, so we could better protect ourselves until that time comes?
Tools? 
Such as?
What we call Zero Point Modules. 
They're our power source.
We are in urgent need of as many as you can spare.
Then, am I to assume that this settlement of yours is of Atlantean design?
Yes. 
We discovered it on our travels.
It was uninhabited, so we decided to establish a base there.
But, as I'm sure you know, sufficient shield generation requires tremendous amounts of power.
Where is this settlement of yours located?
It's on the outer edges of this galaxy, in an area teeming with Wraith hive ships, which is why we need the power modules.
We are unable to part with any of our power modules. 
Our energy needs require the use of all of them.
Well, would you consider offering your city as a place of refuge to my people...?
Many of our citizens are amused by the occasional visitor, such as yourselves, for a short time.
But not you?
- No.
The very idea of greater numbers over a protracted period of time is entirely out of the question.
We have had some success fighting off the Wraith, and that has been with limited supplies and personnel.
I truly believe that with your assistance, we might be able to...
- I'm unaccustomed to repeating myself.
However, leader to leader, I will say this once again:
We will eliminate the Wraith at a time of *our* choosing.
And you don't care how many of my people or anyone else dies while you "make up your mind" act?
You said earlier that your brothers' greatest weakness was their arrogance.
May I suggest it runs in the family?
I'm sorry you feel you must leave.
- Yes, so am I.
Oberoth can be intractible.
Not exactly the word I was looking for.
- Un-ancient-y?
Not that word either.
We will send you a message through the Stargate soon. 
Hopefully, this is just a stumbled beginning...
Lower your weapons.
How much lower would you like 'em?
You really wish to challenge us?
Yeah, maybe the floor.
Now, I thought you didn't want us here, Oberoth.
- I don't.
But you possess information that I simply must have.
These trade negotiations can be real murder.
We need to find a way out of here.
Rodney?
- Hmm?
Well, the cell is similar to ours. 
Is there something in the design that could offer a possible escape?
Are you serious? 
It's a jail cell.
- Yes, I know.
Well, the only way out of here would be to first disable the force field around the bars, which is only accessible from the... outside.
I brought you food.
- Oh, thank God. 
I'm starving.
No, no, no. 
I can't think on an empty stomach.
Why are we being held here?
Oberoth wishes to speak to you further, and he feels he can no longer trust that you'll remain in your quarters.
- He's right.
If he wants to talk to us, why doesn't he?
- He will. 
Very soon.
That's nice. 
Isn't that nice?
Here's a question. 
Who the hell are you people?
- And don't tell us you're Ancients.
We know enough about them to know they would never treat people this way.
I am sorry about this, but I am certain once Oberoth finishes his discussions with you, you'll all be released unharmed.
I'm sorry, but all your credibility was removed once you locked us up.
You left us no choice.
Neither did you.
You're the one he likes, so don't take this personally.
What are you doing?
- Preventing the jumper from communicating with the Control Room. 
Element of surprise.
Nice.
- Go ahead. 
Dial the Gate.
Any sign of our new friends?
Still nothing. 
No unschedule gate activity, nothing on the long-range sensors.
- I think it's safe to say we made a clean get-away.
Either that, or they're biding their time, waiting for the right moment to attack.
Well, I'll keep the security teams on alert just in case, but if they were able to come after us, I think they would've done so already.
How is Rodney coming along with the database?
- I'll go check up on him.
I wonder how many other rogue Ancients are still out there?
If they're anything like the Asurans, we're better off leaving them well enough alone.
How's it going?
Searched a good portion of the database for any indication of the Asurans, but...
- Still nothing.
- Still nothing.
Maybe the Ancients didn't want to be reminded of them.
Well, even if they deleted every reference to Asuria, you think there'd still be some hint of a -- 
- Colonel?
Go ahead.
- I need you and Rodney in the Control Room immediately.
Hive ships.
- How'd they get so close?
More importantly, why are we just picking them up now?
- I don't know. 
Everything seems to be working.
Engage the cloak.
- Already on it. 
Cloak engaged...now.
They're right over the city.
How far away is the Daedalus?
- Not due for weeks.
It doesn't matter. 
I'm counting seven ships. 
There's nothing they could do about it.
They're scanning for us.
Hopefully, the cloak is...
- They're firing!
Switch to shields!
I can't! 
The shield generators were hit in the original blast!
- They knew right where to hit us.
The cloak has failed.
We need more firepower. 
I'm headed to the Chair Room.
There are more ships arriving in the system.
- How many more?
15.
We can't fight off that many, not without shields.
Attention! 
This is Weir. 
All personnel to the Gate Room for immediate evacuation.
Dial Earth.
John, we need to set the self-destruct.
We just lost automated systems. 
We'll lost the gate any second now.
- Go! 
I'll dial in manually.
Maybe the Wraith will take care of destroying the city for us.
If they wanted to vaporize the city, they would've done it already.
Look, if there's any part of this city left intact...
- They'll know how to find Earth. 
I know.
OK, enter your number. 
When you are ready, hit this button.
At that point, you'll only have a few seconds left.
Go!
- No, no, no. 
No. 
I can't let you do this, not without tossing a coin or something. 
It doesn't seem right.
Appreciate the offer, Rodney. 
Now, get out of here!
Go! 
All of you!
The way out is blocked.
How many are trapped?
- We can't tell.
We're losing power. 
Get through the gate!
Ahhhhh! 
Grrrrr!
Uhh....
What the hell just happened?
Who the hell are you people?
- They're not people. 
They're machines...
Replicators.
What's happening?
What's to become of them?
We've mined everything we need from their consciousness.
They're no longer of any use to us. 
Ending their lives seems to be the most prudent course.
I disagree. 
I believe we still have a lot to learn from them.
Learn from them?
- Yes.
Or is it that you fear ending their lives would end your hope of Ascension?
I do object to killing them, but it is more than that.
I don't believe we've fully uncovered just how much they've learned about Atlantean society
Or, how much of this knowledge they've passed on to others.
They're of no threat to us, Oberoth.
- We see no reason not to continue our study of them.
Very well, keep them alive if you wish. 
But, I shall hold *you* accountable.
My head is killing me.
How'd we get back here?
What do you mean, "back" here?
Well, we broke out, got to a jumper, got back to Atlantis.
At least, I thought we did.
That is not what I remember.
The only thing I remember is being in a dark room, fighting hand-to-hand for hours.
They obviously created different scenarios for each of us during the mind-probe; no doubt looking to gather information from our responses.
I knew our escape seemed too easy.
Well, at least you escaped.
What'd they do to you?
- Well, torture... in ways too hideous and intimate to recount.
Like what?
- I said "too hideous" to recount.
I just had a horrible thought.
What if it is still happening?
- Yes.
There's gotta be a way to know for sure.
Doesn't really prove anything.
- It's real, Dr. McKay.
Your minds are no longer being probed.
Good to know it was just our minds.
- Oh, please don't make me sick.
Please, come with me.
In space...
- It's a Stardrive.
Of course! 
That rumbling sound we heard, with all the ZPMs, you're actually able to fly the city.
Yes, Dr. McKay. 
Watch now. 
We're about to open a hyperspace window.
Where are we going?
- Atlantis.
The probes of your minds uncovered the truth, that Atlantis had not been destroyed by the Wraith 10,000 years ago as we had believed.
You only came to live there from your original home, a planet called Earth.
Why didn't you just dial the gate and send us through?
- We're not taking you to Atlantis. 
Our intention is to destroy it.
Why?
Retribution.
- For what? 
The disagreement you once had?
The Ancients no longer live there. 
We are the only inhabitants of that city.
There was no diagreement, Dr. Weir, only betrayal.
If you wish to know the truth of who we are, I will show you.
Elizabeth?
It's OK, Rodney.
The Ancients, as you call them, were deperate in their search for a better way to fight the Wraith.
Though greatly outnumbered, they relied on their technological superiority to give them a needed advantage.
Soon, they succeeded in creating one.
Instead of building bigger, more powerful weapons, they chose to build smaller ones.
Microscopic machines designed to infiltrate and destroy from within.
Nanites.
In these tiny killing machines, the Ancients embued an aggression that surpassed even that of their enemy.
The technology allowed for organic assimilation and self-replication to increase their effectiveness.
And replicate they did.
They grew in numbers, evolving at a rate that took the Ancients by surprise.
The molecular machines began interlocking, assembling themselves to form even more complex organisms, eventually evolving into the most effective and efficient form they knew of...
This is how we were born.
We took the image of our creators, yet we were far different from them.
The aggression programmed into our core remained, fueling a rage we could not contain.
We implored them to have this violent nature removed from our programming, but the Ancients wanted a weapon, and since their scientists included a directive prohibiting us from ever harming them, they continued the experiment.
When the Ancients concluded that the experiment had gone too far, that we would never become the weapon that they desired to create, they decided to end it.
So, they chose to destroy us, to leave no trace of us behind.
Thank you.
Obviously, the Ancients didn't do a thorough-enough job wiping them out.
- No. 
A few of the Nanites managed to survive.
Which is all they need to begin replicating again.
Replicating?
- This is bad.
They're very similar to an artificial intelligence that SG-1 encountered several years ago. 
It evolved from a tiny block replicator to human form.
They may even be related somehow.
I read those reports. 
Stargate Command could barely defeat the human form replicators.
- Well, which is why I said this was bad.
The difference here is that they're emulating the Ancients. 
They've even built themselves a version of Atlantis.
- And then some.
Why would they do this?
I think they look at the Ancients like parents who betrayed them. 
And now they see humans as the favored siblings who receive all the parents' love.
They've been seeking revenge ever since.
Just what we need: more bad guys.
Which means we've probably just identified the race that created the nano-virus that nearly killed me a couple years ago.
Almost killed a lot of people.
- Yeah.
Were you not able to defeat that nano-virus with an electromagnetic pulse?
- That was different. 
Those were individual nanites, easy to disrupt with a simple EM pulse.
These, these things have evolved way beyond that with interdependent organic constituents with far greater complexity.
Are you feeling better?
- Yes.
Follow me.
I have an offer to make you, something that could greatly benefit us both.
Well, if the offer involves saving Atlantis, we're willing to listen.
- It does.
We have achieved much since our second birth. 
We have evolved to take the form of our Creators, built a city far grander than they ever achieved.
Yet, for all this we are restricted from the reaching the eupeptic point in our evolution.
- You want to Ascend.
Yes.
Many among us, like Oberoth, have no desire to experience this. 
They are content with our present state.
But, there are a few of us who recognize that, as a civilization, we are stagnant.
We seek to continue our own evolution.
- To truly emulate the Ancients in their own achievement.
Even though they betrayed you?
- They are our creators, and Ascension is the final step to equalling them, to becoming one with them.
No offense, but... how are a bunch of machines going to do that?
Are you so different?
- Well, we're living, breathing people.
Constructed from cells, consuming and burning energy, governed by electrical impulses.
- Didn't say *I* could Ascend.
Metaphysical debates aside, what do you want from us? 
We're not exactly Ascension experts.
We do know killing people isn't the best way to get there.
We realize this, and we've done much to repress our violent nature. 
But, yet, it still remains within us.
We believe this, above all, is what has prevented us from Ascending.
You're looking for therapy?
We want to re-write our base code to remove the directives for aggression.
- Hmph.
What's stopping you?
- The Ancients put in place measures to prevent us from altering the code ourselves. 
But you can do it.
Me?
- During our probe of your mind, we learned that you are capable of doing this.
Oh, that's funny. 
All I remember is the torture.
- And what's in it for us?
We will stop the others from attacking Atlantis.
- And we will help you in your fight against the Wraith.
And Oberoth will agree to this?
- I believe Oberoth is attacking Atlantis as a result of that programming.
If we can prove to him that it can be altered...
- You think he'll see the light.
Well, hallelujah!
- I'll do everything in my power to persuade him.
Why should we trust you?
- Because we are willing to trust you.
By extending this offer, we are jeopardizing our very existence.
I saw, in you, compassion, Dr. Weir. 
Someone who could come to understand our plight.
Help us, and we *will* help you.
When it comes right down to it, we don't have much of a choice.
We're drawing closer to Atlantis. 
Soon, we will drop out of hyperspace.
How's it coming, Rodney?
- Slowly.
What's the hold-up?
What's the hold-up? 
You have any idea what I'm trying to do here?
Niam gave you access to the program code and you're screwing around with it.
Oh! 
That is so... relatively accurate.
Thank you.
- Still, we are not dealing with "rock 'em, sock 'em" robots here. 
We are dealing with a complex code of over three billion chemical-based sequences.
It's like trying to reconfigure the DNA double helix.
OK. 
So, what? 
5 minutes?
It will be done when it is done, and you applying pressure is not gonna...
Oh!
What?
- Gotta go. 
McKay out.
Rodney, what's going on? 
Rodney?
Did you do it?
- Yes, yes, yes. 
I have removed the aggression directive from the base code. 
It is uploading to Niam as we speak, but...
I discovered something else. 
Nothing short of brilliant, I might add.
- What?
OK, even though these Replicators are each separate, functioning beings, their basic command code is interconnected over a powerful subspace frequency.
They have these, ah, periodic collective program updates, or ah, merges they call them, where they exchange new information.
That's how Niam hopes to distribute the new code to the others.
- Exactly.
But, while I was working on it, I figured out a way to create a glitch that, on my command, should momentarily freeze them.
- *Should*?
OK, will. 
I mean, dead in their tracks, like hitting the pause button, temporarily, until they figure out how to override it.
How long?
- Well, I don't know. 
That's why I said "momentarily."
Days? 
Hours? 
Minutes?
- eh, well, it's- it's minutes, but I don't know, that's what I was just saying to him.
10? 
20?
- Well, if you want a number, OK, 7. 7 minutes and 31 seconds. 
You happy?
No!
- No.
It's not enough time.
- You wanted a number.
A bigger number.
- Yeah, well it may very well be longer.
- Or shorter.
Look, I don't know. 
Look, you're all missing the...
- Gentlemen! 
Focus, please.
Will that be enough time for us to escape?
- It'll have to be.
Not much point leaving without blowing this place up first.
How would we do that?
Oh, that's me. 
Right. 
Surprise, surprise! 
Look, why don't I just go on these missions by myself, hmm?
I'll rig a ZPM to overload.
What about Niam? 
Are we not exploiting his trust?
Even if he is able to honor his end of the deal, there's no guarantee he can stop Oberoth from attacking Atlantis.
We will offer him the chance to come with us, but we can not leave this city intact.
Are you sure this will work?
- Please. 
Of course it will work.
Why is it taking so long?
- Why do you always have to...
Look, I need to properly calibrate the frequencies. 
I wanna make sure that when I freeze them, I freeze them all, OK?
- All would be good.
Look, just let me finish. 
Thank you.
OK.
Here... here we go in 5,
4, 3,
2...
Hey! 
It worked.
- Interesting.
OK, get busy on the ZPM overload.
Why isn't he frozen?
- His code's changed.
Till he's distributed it to the others in the next merge, he'll be different than the rest of 'em.
What happened?
What was that?
We just dropped out of hyperspace.
- We need to move.
Come with us. 
I'll explain on the way.
Ah, Ronon, I could use, ah...
Thanks.
You want me to go with you.
You must understand this situation. 
If you can't stop Oberoth...
-I said I would do everything in my power.
But, can you promise that you will succeed?
Our lives and the lives of all of our people are at stake here.
If you merge through a subspace connection, even if you're with us, you should be able to spread the new code amongst the others.
Come with us, Niam.
Ascension is within your grasp.
You can't turn back.
Damn!
- What is it?
In order to do this, I need to utilize all 3 ZPMs. 
I was hoping to bring at least one of them back with us.
But, you can't. 
We only have three minutes.
Look, I already told you, it... never mind.
We need an access code to remove the failsafes.
Now, how about our weapons?
- We can recover them on the way.
Whoa!
Ah! 
Not so arrogant now, are you? 
Hmm?
- McKay!
Come on!
So much for seven and a half minutes!
- It was an arbitrary number!
Colonel Sheppard...
Go!
Ronon, set your gun to kill.
It is.
OK, start the overload.
- What? 
No, no, no, no, not yet. 
We have to be in a jumper, or clear of the city, or...
The jumper bay is not far. 
We're almost there.
- No, no, no, no. 
You don't understand.
Look, I didn't want them to be able to stop it.
As soon as I trigger the overload, there'll be practically zero lag time before it blows.
Practically?
- OK, fine, so, like a few seconds for them to build up power, but not nearly...
How many seconds?
- I don't know.
Well, 5? 
10?
- Again with the arbitrary numbers!
We need to move.
OK, start the overload. 
Now!
This way!
- Where's [unintelligible]?
Just down the city, by the floor! 
Move!
Get the roof open, Rodney, or this is gonna be a short trip!
- Don't wait for me!
I'm just saying, if we can't get out of the jumper bay...
- It doesn't matter, the overload's happening now. 
We're about to explode.
Is the roof open?
- Yes. 
Go.
Nice work. 
All of you.
Thank you.
What's wrong?
- Something is happening.
What is it?
The others on my planet, they know what I've done.
I'm being reset.
Rodney, do something.
- It's too late. 
They're...
It's not gonna hold him!
I'm so sorry. 
I didn't...
You OK?
- Yeah...
How's it going?
- Still nothing.
I think the Ancients chose to purposely conceal every record, extremely well, I might add, or they simply deleted them from the database. 
I'm leaning towards the latter.
Hm, perhaps they truly think they destroyed them all.
- Either that or they didn't want anyone to know they had failed.
Again! 
There's nothing more annoying than people who won't admit their own mistakes.
True.
McKay and Zelenka are scouring the database for any information. 
So far, not much.
As in, "nothing."
These Replicators, they are probably already at work building themselves another Atlantis.
Now they know all about us.
Well, we beat them this time. 
Maybe we scared them off.
Yeah... maybe.

McKAY: 
Wormhole's established.
MALP is on the way.
What kind of facility is this?
Some sort of research outpost.
The database has very little information about it, other than whatever work was being done there was completed and the place was apparently abandoned.
Well, sounds promising.
We have MALP telemetry.
Environmental sensors indicate viable life support.
- Visuals coming in now.
- Put it on screen.
Or maybe it never was abandoned.
Ancients?
- They've got one of their scanners.
- So do we.
Just because they know how to use Ancient technology
- doesn't mean that they're...
- I am speaking to whoever sent this machine to our home.
If you intend us harm, proceed no further, but if you come in friendship, please know you are most welcome here.
Put that thing away.
We told them we were friendly.
I'm friendly.
Is that thing set to stun?
- Friendlier.
- You coming, too?
Well, Ancients or not, they are obviously an advanced society and I would like to establish diplomatic relations with them immediately.
Well, you're the boss. 
Let's go.
What happened?
Did we make a U-turn?
No. 
This is the place. 
We're here.
Look.
So, not exactly like our Gate Room.
Hello.
We're the people who sent the machine through earlier.
We come in friendship.
I am Niam. 
Welcome to Asuras.
I'm still waiting to meet an Ancient race that's invented the car.
Our destination is not much further.
The High Council is eager to meet you.
How long have your people lived here?
We built this city thousands of years ago.
What, you actually built it?
You didn't just find it this way?
No.
And you've had no trouble with the Wraith?
No.
- Any particular reason?
- The Wraith do not concern us.
See? 
He didn't answer my question.
I'm sorry, you didn't actually answer my question.
- Oh, my...
- No kidding.
- How many people live here?
- Millions.
Well, the power requirements for a city this size must be enormous.
Well, plus shielding from the Wraith, we're talking, what, three Zero-Point Modules, maybe four?
Sorry.
ZPMs, a device that taps vast amounts of power from vacuum energy.
Oh, yes. 
We have many of those.
Exactly how many is "many"?
"Exactly" doesn't matter.
"Many" is plenty.
Truthfully, I do not know the exact number.
More than enough to suit our needs.
I assume that you built them yourselves?
- NIAM: 
Yes.
- Yes.
- Easy, Rodney, you're slobbering.
- Please. 
The Council is waiting.
- Well, we have our answer.
- To what question?
Whether or not they're Ancients.
In which case, I've got a bone to pick with them.
- Where did you come from?
- WEIR: 
We are explorers.
- We come from a world very far from here.
- Really far.
- In fact, you can't get there from here.
- How did you happen to discover us?
We came across an Ancient outpost that listed this Gate address in its database.
But no other information, I might add.
Oddly, the database neglected to include any information on a society of millions of Ancients, such as yourselves.
Why's that?
We are the last of those you refer to as "Ancients."
We were once a race united in our pursuit of knowledge and enlightenment.
But our paths diverged after a disagreement tore the fabric of that unity.
What kind of a disagreement?
Suffice it to say they chose to disregard our counsel during a time of great conflict, and they suffered the consequences at the hands of a relentless enemy.
The Wraith.
We parted ways with our brothers and sisters and came here where we have thrived for many thousands of years.
Yeah, you've been doing a lot of thriving.
May I ask what counsel did you offer that the others chose to disregard?
Our Ancient brothers were arrogant, which led them to greatly underestimate the Wraith, an enemy inferior in intelligence, yes, but vastly superior in numbers and ruthlessness.
They wouldn't have been so outnumbered if you had helped.
- There's that bone I wanted to pick at.
- You said they were your brothers.
Where we come from, we take care of our family.
What my friend is trying to say is there's still a lot of Wraith out there, and we could sure use your help fighting them.
Eradication of them is among our goals.
- You mean you have a plan?
- We do.
McKAY: 
Great! 
Let's hear it.
Your plan, I mean.
I doubt that you would be able to grasp its complexity and scope.
Fortunately, I'm very good with complexity.
And scope.
All you need to know is that one day soon the Wraith will exist no more.
All we need to know?
There are matters of importance for me to attend to.
In the meantime, you are explorers, and presumably in need of rest and sustenance.
We have made arrangements for you to spend a short time among us.
He says the other Ancients are arrogant?
I apologize if you felt Oberoth was condescending in any way.
How about in every way?
It is difficult for him to see you as capable of understanding.
Yeah, well, how many PhDs does he have?
Niam, I was wondering, your people have been here for thousands of years?
- Yes.
- Well, in that time, most Ancients we know have Ascended.
You know of Ascension?
Well, yes. 
And, in fact, we always thought that Ancients were no longer around, that most of them evolved to the point of transforming into beings of pure energy.
This is true.
But I take it your people aren't interested?
Oh, Ascension is the goal of many of us.
But Oberoth feels there is still much to do.
We must become all that we can.
And you don't agree with him, do you?
Your guest quarters are this way.
WEIR: 
It must have been quite a serious falling-out for the Ancients to eliminate any reference to them in the entire database.
Unless they're lying.
Might it not be possible that these people merely discovered this city as you discovered Atlantis?
Wouldn't be surprised.
They don't seem very Ancienty to me.
"Ancienty?"
Yes. 
That's the word I was looking for.
- You think they could be deceiving us?
- Teyla's right.
They could've found the city the way it was and moved in years ago.
I feel they are hiding something.
Other than their plan to defeat the Wraith, you mean?
There's no plan.
No. 
I don't think so, either.
Why would they say they had a plan if they don't have a plan?
They figured out a way to hide from the rest of the galaxy, including the Wraith, and they're happy to go on with their lives, just minding their own business.
- Then, whoever they are...
- I think that is what we need to find out.
WEIR: 
Thank you for taking the time to see me.
I thought we might achieve more in a one-on-one meeting, leader to leader.
What is it you wish to achieve?
The establishment of diplomatic and trade relations between our people.
Trade?
Do you really believe that you have anything of value to offer us?
It's possible, Oberoth.
And there is only one way to find that out.
But I do know that there is something you could offer us.
That is, assistance with our fight against the Wraith.
As I said before, we will commence our plan at a time of our choosing.
Would you at least consider sharing with us the tools, so we could better protect ourselves until that time comes?
Tools? 
Such as?
What we call Zero-Point Modules.
They're our power source.
We are in urgent need of as many as you could spare.
Then am I to assume that this settlement of yours is of Lantian design?
Yes.
We discovered it on our travels.
It was uninhabited, so we decided to establish a base there.
But as I'm sure you know, sufficient shield generation requires tremendous amounts of power.
Where is this settlement of yours located?
It's on the outer edges of this galaxy in an area teeming with Wraith hive ships, which is why we need the power modules...
We are unable to part with any of our power modules.
Our energy needs require the use of all of them.
Well, would you consider offering your city as a place of refuge to my people?
Many of our citizens are amused by the occasional visitor, such as yourselves, for a short time.
- But not you?
- No.
And the very idea of greater numbers over a protracted period of time is entirely out of the question.
Now, we have had some success fighting off the Wraith, and that has been with limited supplies and personnel.
I truly believe that with your assistance, we might be able to...
I am unaccustomed to repeating myself.
However, leader to leader, I will say this once again.
We will eliminate the Wraith at a time of our choosing.
And you don't care how many of my people or anyone else dies while you make up your mind to act?
You said earlier that your brothers' greatest weakness was their arrogance.
May I suggest it runs in the family?
- I'm sorry you feel you must leave.
- Yes, so am I.
Oberoth can be intractable.
- Not exactly the word I was looking for.
- Un-Ancienty?
Not that word, either.
We will send you a message through the Stargate soon.
Now, hopefully, this is just a stumbled beginning of...
Lower your weapons.
How much lower would you like them?
Do you really wish to challenge us?
Maybe the floor.
Now, I thought you didn't want us here, Oberoth.
I don't. 
But you possess information that I simply must have.
These trade negotiations can be real murder.
We need to find a way out of here.
Rodney?
Well, the cell is similar to ours, is there something in the design that could offer a possible escape?
- Are you serious? 
It's a jail cell.
- Yes, I know.
The only way out of here would be to first disable the force field around the bars, which is only accessible from the
outside.
- I brought you food.
- Oh, thank God. 
I'm starving.
No, no, no, I can't think on an empty stomach.
Why are we being held here?
Oberoth wishes to speak to you further, and he feels he can no longer trust that you will remain in your quarters.
Well, he's right.
Yeah, if he wants to talk to us, why doesn't he?
- He will. 
Very soon.
- That's nice. 
Isn't that nice?
Here's a question.
Who the hell are you people?
WEIR: 
And don't tell us you're Ancients.
We know enough about them to know they would never treat people this way.
I am sorry about this.
But I am certain once Oberoth has finished his discussions with you, you'll all be released unharmed.
I'm sorry, but all your credibility was removed when you locked us up.
You left us no choice.
Neither did you.
You're the one we like, so don't take this personally.
What are you doing?
Preventing the Jumper from communicating with the control room.
Element of surprise.
- Nice.
- Go ahead. 
Dial the Gate.
Any sign of our new friends?
- Still nothing.
No unscheduled Gate activity, nothing on the long-range sensors.
I think it's safe to say we made a clean getaway.
Either that or they're biding their time, waiting for the right moment to attack.
Well, we'll keep the security teams on alert, just in case, but if they were able to come after us, I think they would have done so already.
How is Rodney coming along with the database?
I'll go check up on him.
I wonder how many other rogue Ancients are still out there.
If they're anything like the Asurans, we're better off leaving them well enough alone.
How's it going?
I've searched a good portion of the database for any indication of the Asurans, but...
- Still nothing?
- Still nothing.
Maybe the Ancients didn't want to be reminded of them.
Yeah, but even if they deleted every reference to Asuras,
- you'd think there'd be some hint of...
Colonel?
Go ahead.
I need you and Rodney in the control room immediately.
- McKAY: 
Hive ships!
- How'd they get so close?
More importantly, why are we just picking them up now?
I don't know.
Everything seems to be working.
- Engage the cloak.
- I'm already on it.
Cloak engaged now.
They're right over the city.
- How far away is the Daedalus?
- It's not due for weeks.
- It doesn't matter.
I'm counting seven ships.
There's nothing they could do about it.
They're scanning for us.
- Hopefully the cloak is...
- They're firing!
Switch to shields!
I can't. 
The shield generators were hit in the initial blast.
- They knew right where to hit us.
- The cloak has failed!
We need more firepower.
I'm headed to the Chair Room.
There are more ships arriving in the system.
- How many more?
- Fifteen.
We can't fight off that many, not without shields.
Attention. 
This is Weir.
All personnel to the Gate Room for immediate evacuation. 
Dial Earth.
John, we need to set the self-destruct.
We just lost automated systems.
We'll lose the Gate any second now.
Go. 
I'll detonate it manually.
Maybe the Wraith will take care of destroying the city for us.
McKAY: 
If they wanted to vaporize the city, they would have done it already.
Look, if there's any part of this city left intact...
They'll know how to find Earth. 
I know.
Okay, enter your number.
When you are ready, hit this button.
At that point, you'll only have a few seconds left.
Go.
- No, no, no, no!
I can't let you do this, not without tossing a coin or something!
- It doesn't seem right!
- I appreciate the offer, Rodney.
Now, get out of here. 
Go, all of you!
The way up is blocked.
- How many are trapped?
- We can't tell.
We're losing power! 
Get through the Gate!
What the hell just happened?
Who the hell are you people?
They're not people. 
They're machines.
Replicators.
What's happening?
What's to become of them?
We have mined everything we need from their consciousness.
They are no longer of any use to us.
Ending their lives seems to be the most prudent course.
I disagree. 
I believe we still have a lot to learn from them.
- Learn from them?
- Yes.
Or is it that you fear that ending their lives would end your hope of Ascension?
I do object to killing them, but it is more than that.
I don't believe we've fully uncovered just how much they've learned about Lantian society, nor how much of this knowledge they've passed on to others.
They're of no threat to us, Oberoth.
We see no reason not to continue our study of them.
Very well. 
Keep them alive if you wish, but I shall hold you accountable.
My head is killing me.
How'd we get back here?
What do you mean "back here"?
Well, we broke out and got to the Jumper, gated back to Atlantis.
At least I thought we did.
That is not what I remember.
The only thing I remember was being in a dark room, fighting hand to hand for hours.
Well, they obviously created different scenarios for each of us during the mind probe, no doubt looking to gather information from our responses.
- I thought our escape seemed too easy.
- At least you escaped.
What'd they do to you?
Torture, in ways too hideous and intimate to recount.
- Like what?
- I said too hideous to recount.
I just had a horrible thought.
- What if it is still happening?
- Yes.
There's got to be a way to know for sure.
- Doesn't really prove anything.
- It's real, Dr. McKay.
Your minds are no longer being probed.
- It's good to know it was just our minds.
- Oh, please don't make me sick.
Please come with me.
WEIR: 
We're in space.
McKAY: 
A star drive.
Of course, the rumbling sound we heard.
With all the ZPMs, you're able to actually fly the city.
Yes, Dr. McKay. 
Watch now.
We're about to open a hyperspace window.
- Where are we going?
- Atlantis.
The probes of your minds uncovered the truth that Atlantis had not been destroyed by the Wraith 10,000 years ago as we had believed.
You only came to live there from your original home, a planet called Earth.
Why didn't you just dial the Gate and send us through?
We're not taking you to Atlantis.
Our intention is to destroy it.
Why?
- Retribution.
- For what?
The disagreement you once had?
The Ancients no longer live there.
We are the only inhabitants of that city.
There was no disagreement, Dr. Weir.
Only betrayal.
If you wish to know the truth of who we are, I will show you.
Elizabeth?
It's okay, Rodney.
The Ancients, as you call them, were desperate in their search for a better way to fight the Wraith.
Though greatly outnumbered, they relied on their technological superiority to give them a needed advantage.
Soon, they succeeded in creating one.
Instead of building bigger, more powerful weapons, they chose to build smaller ones, microscopic machines designed to infiltrate and destroy from within.
Nanites.
In these tiny killing machines, the Ancients imbued an aggression that surpassed even that of their enemy.
The technology allowed for organic assimilation and self-replication to increase their effectiveness, and replicate they did.
They grew in numbers, evolving at a rate that took the Ancients by surprise.
The molecular machines began interlocking, assembling themselves to form even more complex organisms, eventually evolving into the most effective and efficient form they knew of.
This is how we were born.
We took the image of our creators, yet we were far different from them.
The aggression programmed into our core remained, fuelling a rage we could not contain.
We implored them to have this violent nature removed from our programming, but the Ancients wanted a weapon, and since their scientists included a directive prohibiting us from ever harming them, they continued the experiment.
When the Ancients concluded that the experiment had gone too far, that we would never become the weapon they desired to create, they decided to end it.
And so they chose to destroy us, to leave no trace of us behind.
Thank you.
Obviously the Ancients didn't do a thorough enough job wiping them out.
No. 
A few of the nanites managed to survive.
Which is all they needed to begin replicating again.
- Replicating...
- This is bad.
They're very similar to an artificial intelligence that SG-1 encountered several years ago that evolved from a tiny block-Replicator into human form.
- They may even be related somehow.
- I read those reports.
Stargate Command could barely defeat the human-form Replicators.
Oh, which is why I said, "This is bad."
The difference here is they're emulating the Ancients.
They've even built themselves a version of Atlantis.
And then some.
Why would they do this?
I think they look at the Ancients like parents who betrayed them, and now they see humans as the favored siblings who receive all the parents' love.
They've been seeking revenge ever since.
It's just what we need, more bad guys.
Which means we've probably just identified the race that created the nanovirus that nearly killed me a couple of years ago.
- It almost killed a lot of people.
- Yeah.
Were you not able to defeat that nanovirus with an electromagnetic pulse?
That was different.
Those were individual nanites, easy to disrupt with a simple EM pulse.
These things have evolved way beyond that, with interdependent organic constituents of a far greater complexity.
- Are you feeling better?
- Yes.
Follow me.
I have an offer to make you, something that could greatly benefit us both.
Well, if the offer involves saving Atlantis, we're willing to listen.
It does.
We have achieved much since our second birth.
We have evolved to take the form of our creators, built a city far grander than they ever achieved.
Yet, for all this, we are still restricted from reaching a pivotal point in our evolution.
- You want to Ascend?
- Yes.
Many among us, like Oberoth, have no desire to experience this.
They are content with our present state.
But there are a few of us who recognize that as a civilization, we are stagnant.
We seek to continue our own evolution.
To truly emulate the Ancients and their ultimate achievement.
Even though they betrayed you?
They are our creators, and Ascension is the final step to equaling them, to becoming one with them.
No offense, but how are a bunch of machines gonna do that?
Are you so different?
Well, we're living, breathing people.
Constructed from cells, consuming and burning energy, governed by electrical impulses...
Hey, I didn't say I could Ascend.
Metaphysical debates aside, what do you want from us?
We're not exactly Ascension experts.
Although we do know killing people isn't the best way to get there.
We realize this, and we have done much to repress our violent nature, but yet it still remains within us.
We believe this, above all, is what has prevented us from Ascending.
What are you looking for? 
Therapy?
We want to rewrite our base code to remove the directives for aggression.
What's stopping you?
The Ancients put in place measures to prevent us from altering the code ourselves.
But you can do it.
- Me?
- During our probe of your mind, we learned that you are capable of doing this.
Oh, that's funny.
All I remember is the torture.
And what's in it for us?
We will stop the others from attacking Atlantis.
And we will help you in your fight against the Wraith.
And Oberoth will agree to this?
I believe Oberoth is attacking Atlantis as a result of that programming.
If we can prove to him it can be altered...
- You think he'll see the light.
- Hallelujah.
I will do everything in my power to persuade him.
Why should we trust you?
Because we are willing to trust you.
By extending this offer, we are jeopardizing our very existence.
I saw in you compassion, Dr. Weir, someone who could come to understand our plight.
Help us and we will help you.
When it comes right down to it, we don't have much of a choice.
We're drawing closer to Atlantis.
Soon we will drop out of hyperspace.
- How's it coming, Rodney?
- McKAY: 
Slowly.
What's the hold-up?
"What's the hold-up?"
Do you have any idea what I'm trying to do here?
Niam gave you access to the program code, and you're screwing around with it.
Oh, that is so relatively accurate.
Thank you.
Still, we're not dealing with Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, here.
We are dealing with a complex code of over three billion chemical base sequences.
It's like trying to reconfigure the DNA double helix.
Okay. 
So, what, five minutes?
It will be done when it is done.
And you applying pressure is not gonna...
- What?
- Gotta go. 
McKay out.
Rodney, what's going on? 
Rodney?
- Did you do it?
- Yes, yes, yes.
I have removed the aggression directive from the base code.
It is uploading to Niam as we speak.
But I discovered something else, nothing short of brilliant, I might add.
- What?
- Okay.
Even though these Replicators are each separate functioning beings, their basic command code is interconnected over a powerful subspace frequency.
They have these periodic collective program updates or merges they call them, where they exchange new information.
That's how Niam hopes to distribute the new code to the others.
Exactly.
But while I was working on it, I figured out a way to create a glitch that, on my command, should momentarily freeze them.
- "Should"?
- Okay, will.
I mean, dead in their tracks, like hitting the pause button, temporarily, until they figure out how to override it.
How long?
Well, I don't know.
That's why I said, "Momentarily."
Days? 
Hours? 
Minutes?
It's minutes, but I don't know.
That's what I was just saying to him!
- Ten? 
Twenty?
- Okay, fine. 
You want a number?
Fine. 
Seven.
Seven minutes and 31 seconds.
- You happy?
- No!
- No.
- That's not enough time.
- Look, you wanted a number.
- A bigger number.
- Yeah, well, it may very well be longer.
- Or shorter!
Look, I don't know!
Look, you're missing the point...
Gentlemen, focus, please.
Will that be enough time for us to escape?
It'll have to be.
Not much point in leaving without blowing this place up first.
How do we do that?
Oh, that's me. 
Right. 
Surprise, surprise.
Look, why don't I just go on these missions by myself?
I'll rig a ZPM overload.
What about Niam?
Are we not exploiting his trust?
Even if he's able to honor his end of the deal, there's no guarantee he can stop Oberoth from attacking Atlantis.
We will offer him the chance to come with us, but we cannot leave this city intact.
Are you sure this'll work?
Please. 
Of course it will work.
- Why's it taking so long?
- Why do you always have to...
Look, I need to properly calibrate the frequencies.
I wanna make sure that when I freeze them, I freeze them all, okay?
- All would be good.
- Okay, will you just let me finish?
Thank you.
Okay. 
Here... 
Here we go.
In five, four, three, two...
- Hey, it worked.
- Interesting.
Okay. 
We should move to the ZPM Room.
Why isn't he frozen?
McKAY: 
His code's changed.
Until he's distributed it to the others in the next merge, he'll be different than the rest of them.
What happened?
What was that?
- I think we just dropped out of hyperspace.
- We need to move.
Come with us. 
I'll explain on the way.
Now, Ronon, I could use...
Thanks.
You want me to go with you?
You must understand our situation.
If you can't stop Oberoth...
I said I would do everything in my power.
But can you promise that you will succeed?
Our lives and the lives of all of our people are at stake here.
Look, you merge through a subspace connection.
Even if you're with us, you should be able to spread the new code amongst the others.
Come with us, Niam.
Ascension is within your grasp.
You can't turn back.
- Damn.
- What is it?
In order to do this, I need to utilize all three ZPMs.
I was hoping to bring at least one of them back with us.
Do what you can.
We only have three minutes.
Look, I already told you, it... 
Never mind.
I need an access code to remove the fail-safes.
Now, how about our weapons?
We can recover them on the way.
Not so arrogant now, are you?
McKay!
Come on!
- So much for seven and a half minutes.
- Hey, it was an arbitrary number.
Colonel Sheppard.
Go!
- Ronon, set your gun to kill.
It is.
- Okay, start the overload.
- What? 
No, no, no, no. 
Not yet.
We need to be in a Jumper or clear of the city, or...
The Jumper Bay's not far.
We're almost there.
No, no, you don't understand.
Look, I didn't want them to be able to stop it.
Look, as soon as I trigger the overload, there'll be practically zero lag time before it blows.
- "Practically"?
- Okay, fine, so like, a few seconds for it to build up power, but not nearly...
- How many seconds?
- I don't know.
- Well, five, ten?
- Again with the arbitrary numbers.
- We need to move.
- Okay.
Start the overload. 
Now!
- This way!
- What is that?
The sound of the city about to blow!
Move!
Get the roof open, Rodney, or this is gonna be a short trip.
McKAY: 
Don't wait for me!
I'm just saying if we can't get out of the Jumper Bay...
It doesn't matter. 
The overload's happening now. 
We're about to explode.
- Is the roof open?
- Yes. 
Go.
Nice work, all of you.
Thank you.
What's wrong?
Something is happening.
What is it?
The others on my planet.
They know what I've done.
- I'm being re-set.
- Rodney, do something.
It's too late. 
They're...
That's not gonna hold him.
I'm so sorry. 
I... 
I didn't...
You okay?
Yeah.
- How's it going?
- Still nothing.
Either the Ancients chose to purposely conceal every record, extremely well I might add, or they simply deleted them from the database.
I'm leaning towards the latter.
Perhaps they think they've truly destroyed them all.
Either that or they didn't want anyone to know they had failed.
Again. 
There is nothing more annoying than people who won't admit their own mistakes.
True.
McKay and Zelenka are scouring the database for any information.
So far, not much. 
As in nothing.
These Replicators, they are probably already at work building themselves another Atlantis.
Now they know all about us.
Well, we beat them this time.
Maybe we scared them off.
Yeah, maybe.

Wormhole's established, MALP is on the way.
What kind of facility is this?
Some sort of research outpost.
The database has very little information about it, other than whatever work was being done there was completed, and the place was apparently abandoned.
Well, sounds promising.
We have MALP telemetry.
Environmental sensors indicate viable life support.
- Visuals coming in now.
- Put it on screen.
Or maybe it never was abandoned.
Ancients?
He's got one of their scanners.
So do we. 
Just because they know how to use Ancient technology...
I am speaking to whoever sent this machine to our home.
If you intend us harm, proceed no further, but if you come in friendship, please know you are most welcome here.
Put that thing away. 
We told 'em we were friendly.
I'm friendly.
Is that thing set to stun?
Friendlier.
You coming too?
Well, Ancients or not, they're obviously an advanced society, and I would like to establish diplomatic relations with them immediately.
You're the boss.
Let's go.
What happened?
We make a U-turn?
No.
This is the place, we're here.
Look.
So...
not exactly like our Gateroom.
Hello.
We're the people who sent the machine through earlier.
We come in friendship.
I am Niam.
Welcome to Asuras.
Season 3, Episode 5 Progeny
I'm still waiting to meet an Ancient race that's invented the car.
Our destination is not much further.
The High Council is eager to meet you.
How long have your people lived here?
We built this city thousands of years ago.
You actually built it?
You didn't just find it this way?
No.
And you've had no trouble with the Wraith?
No.
Any particular reason?
The Wraith do not concern us.
See? 
He didn't answer my question.
I'm sorry, you didn't actually answer my question.
Oh, my...
No kidding.
How many people live here?
Millions.
Well, the power requirements for a city this size must be enormous. 
Plus... shielding from the Wraith?
We're talking three zero point modules, maybe four.
Sorry. 
ZedPMs...
A device that taps vast amounts of power from vacuum energy.
Oh, yes.
We have many of those.
Exactly how many is many?
Exactly doesn't matter, many is plenty.
Truthfully, I do not know the exact number.
More than enough to suit our needs.
I assume that you... built them yourselves?
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Easy, Rodney, you're slobbering.
- Please.
The Council is waiting.
Well we have our answer.
To what question?
- Whether or not they're Ancients.
- In which case, I've got a bone to pick with him.
Where did you come from?
We are explorers.
We come from a world very far from here.
Really far.
In fact, you can't get there from here.
How did you happen to discover us?
We came across an Ancient outpost that listed this Gate address in its database.
But no other information, I might add.
Oddly, the database neglected to include any information on a society of millions of Ancients, such as yourselves.
Why is that?
We are the last of those you refer to as "Ancients".
We were once a race united in our pursuit of knowledge and enlightenment.
But our paths diverged after a disagreement tore the fabric of that unity.
What kind of a disagreement?
Suffice it to say they chose to disregard our counsel during a time of great conflict, and they suffered the consequences at the hands of a relentless enemy.
The Wraith.
We parted ways with our brothers and sisters and came here, where we have thrived for many thousands of years.
Yeah, you've been doin' a lot of thriving.
May I ask what counsel did you offer that the others chose to disregard?
Our Ancient brothers were arrogant, which led them to greatly underestimate the Wraith, an enemy inferior in intelligence, yes, but vastly superior in numbers and ruthlessness.
They wouldn't have been so outnumbered if you had helped.
There's that bone I wanted to pick at.
You said they were your brothers.
Where we come from, we take care of our family.
What my friend is trying to say is there's still a lot of Wraith out there, and we could sure use your help fighting them.
Eradication of them is among our goals.
You mean, you have a plan?
We do.
Great, let's hear it.
Your plan, I mean.
I doubt that you would be able to grasp its complexity and scope.
- Fortunately, I'm very good with complexity.
- And scope.
All you need to know is that one day soon the Wraith will exist no more.
All we need to know?
There are matters of importance for me to attend to.
In the meantime, you are explorers, and presumably in need of rest and sustenance.
We have made arrangements for you to spend a short time among us.
He says the other Ancients are arrogant?
I apologize if you felt Oberoth was condescending in any way.
How 'bout in every way.
It is difficult for him to see you as capable of understanding.
Yeah, well, how many Ph. Ds does he have?
Niam, I was wondering, your people have been here for thousands of years?
Yes.
Well, in that time, most Ancients we know have ascended.
You know of ascension?
Well, yes. 
In fact, we always thought that Ancients were no longer around... that most of them evolved to the point of transforming
- into beings of pure energy.
- This is true.
Well, I take it your people aren't interested?
Oh, ascension is the goal of many of us... but Oberoth feels there is still much to do.
We must become all that we can.
You don't agree with him, do you?
Your guest quarters are this way.
Must have been quite a serious falling-out for the Ancients to eliminate any reference to them in the entire database.
Unless they're lying.
Might it not be possible that these people merely discovered this city, as you discovered Atlantis?
Wouldn't be surprised. 
They don't seem very...
Ancienty to me.
Ancienty?
Yes, that's the word I was looking for.
You think they could be deceiving us?
Teyla's right.
They could've found the city the way it was and moved in years ago.
I feel they are hiding something.
Other than their plan to defeat the Wraith, you mean?
There's no plan.
No...
I don't think so either.
Why would they say they had a plan if they don't have a plan?
They figured out a way to hide from the rest of the galaxy, including the Wraith, and are happy to go on with their lives just... minding their own business.
Then whoever they are...
I think that is what we need to find out.
Thank you for taking the time to see me.
I felt we might achieve more in a one on one meeting, leader to leader.
What is it you wish to achieve?
The establishment of diplomatic and trade relations between our people.
Trade?
Do you really believe that you have anything of value to offer us?
It's possible, Oberoth.
And there is only one way to find that out.
But I do know that there is something you could offer us... that is assistance with our fight against the Wraith.
As I've said before, we will commence our plan at a time of our choosing.
Would you at least consider sharing with us the tools so that we could better protect ourselves until
- that time comes?
- Tools... such as...?
What we call Zero Point Modules.
They're our power source.
We are in urgent need of as many as you could spare.
Then am I to assume that this settlement of yours is of Lantian design?
Yes.
We discovered it on our travels.
It was uninhabited, so we decided to establish a base there.
But as I'm sure you know, sufficient shield generation requires tremendous amounts of power.
Where is this settlement of yours located?
It's on the outer edges of this galaxy, in an area teeming with Wraith hive ships,
- which is why we need the power modules...
- We are unable to part with any of our power modules.
Our energy needs require the use of all of them.
Well, would you consider offering your city as a place of refuge to my people...
Many of our citizens are amused by the occasional visitor, such as yourselves, for a short time.
- But not you.
- No.
And the very idea of greater numbers over a protracted period of time
- is entirely out of the question.
- We have had some success fighting off the Wraith, and that has been with limited supplies and personnel. 
I truly believe
- that with your assistance we might be...
- I am unaccustomed to repeating myself, however, leader to leader,
I will say this... once again.
We will eliminate the Wraith at a time of our choosing.
And you don't care how many of my people, or anyone else, dies while you make up your mind to act?
You said earlier that your brothers' greatest weakness was their arrogance.
May I suggest it runs in the family?
I am sorry you feel you must leave.
Yes. 
So am I.
Oberoth can be...
intractable.
- Not exactly the word I was looking for.
- Un-Ancienty?
Not that word either.
We will send you a message through the Stargate soon.
Hopefully this is just a stumbled beginning.
Lower your weapons.
How much lower would you like them?
Do you really wish to challenge us?
Maybe the floor?
- I thought you didn't want us here, Oberoth.
- I don't... but you possess information that I simply must have.
These trade negotiations can be real murder.
We need to find a way out of here.
Rodney?
This cell is similar to ours. 
Is there something in the design that could offer a possible escape?
- Are you serious? 
It's a jail cell.
- Yes I know.
The only way out of here would be to first disable the force field around the bars, which is only accessible from the... outside.
- I brought you food.
- Oh, thank God. 
I'm starving.
I can't think on an empty stomach.
Why are we being held here?
Oberoth wishes to speak to you further, and he feels he can no longer trust that you'll remain in your quarters.
He's right.
- If he wants to talk to us, why doesn't he?
- He will.
Very soon.
That's nice. 
Isn't that nice?
Here's a question:
- Who the hell are you people?
- And don't tell us you're Ancients.
We know enough about them to know they would never treat people this way.
I am sorry about this, but I am certain once Oberoth has finished his discussions with you, you will all be released unharmed.
I'm sorry, but all your credibility was removed when you locked us up.
You left us no choice.
Neither did you.
You're the one we liked, so don't take this personally.
What are you doing?
Preventing the Jumper from communicating with the control room. 
Element of surprise.
Nice.
Go ahead. 
Dial the Gate.
Any sign of our new friends?
Still nothing.
No unscheduled Gate activity, nothing on the long-range sensors.
I think it's safe to say we made a clean getaway.
Either that, or... they're biding their time, waiting for the right moment to attack.
Well, we'll keep the security teams on alert, just in case, but if they were able to come after us,
I think they would have done so already.
How is Rodney coming along with the database?
I'll go check up on him.
I wonder how many other rogue Ancients are still out there.
If they're anything like the Asurans, we're better off leaving them well enough alone.
How's it going?
I've searched a good portion of the database for any indication of the Asurans, but...
- Still nothing?
- still nothing.
Maybe the Ancients didn't want to be reminded of them.
- Even if they deleted every reference to Asura, you'd think there'd be some hint of...
- Colonel?
Go ahead.
I need you and Rodney in the control room immediately.
Hive ships.
How'd they get so close?
More importantly, why are we just picking them up now?
- I don't know. 
Everything seems to be working.
- Engage the cloak.
I'm already on it. 
Cloak engaged...
- now.
- They're right over the City.
- How far away is the Daedalus?
- It's not due for weeks.
It doesn't matter. 
I'm counting seven ships.
There's nothing they could do about it.
They're scanning for us.
Hopefully the cloak is...
They're firing.
Switch to shields!
I can't. 
The shield generators were hit in the initial blast.
- They knew right where to hit us.
- The cloak has failed.
We need more firepower.
- I'm headed to the Chair room.
- There are more ships arriving in the system.
How many more?
Fifteen.
We can't fight off that many, not without shields.
Attention, this is Weir.
All personnel to the Gate room for immediate evacuation.
Dial Earth.
John, we need to set the self-destruct.
We just lost automated systems.
We'll lose the Gate any second now.
Go. 
I'll detonate it manually.
Maybe the Wraith will take care of destroying the City for us.
If they wanted to vaporize the city, they would have done it already.
- Look, if there's any part of this city left intact...
- They'll know how to find Earth.
I know.
Enter your number.
When you are ready, hit this button.
At that point, you'll only have a few seconds left.
- Go.
- No, no, no!
I can't let you do this, not without tossing a coin or something! 
It doesn't seem right!
I appreciate the offer, Rodney. 
Now, get out of here.
Go, all of you!
The way up is blocked.
- How many are trapped?
- We can't tell.
We're losing power!
Get through the Gate!
What the hell just happened?
Who the hell are you people?
They're not people.
They're machines.
Replicators.
What's happening?
What's to become of them?
We have mined everything we need from their consciousness.
They're no longer of any use to us.
Ending their lives seems to be the most prudent course.
I disagree.
- I believe we still have a lot to learn from them.
- Learn from them?
Yes!
Or is it that you fear that ending their lives would end your hope of ascension?
I do object to killing them, but it is more than that.
I don't believe we've fully uncovered just how much they've learned about Lantian society, nor how much of this knowledge they've passed on to others.
They're of no threat to us, Oberoth.
We see no reason not to continue our study of them.
Very well. 
Keep them alive if you wish, but I shall hold you accountable.
My head is killing me.
How'd we get back here?
What do you mean,
"back here"?
Well, we broke out and got to the Jumper, gated back to Atlantis.
At least I thought we did.
That is not what I remember.
The only thing I remember was being in a dark room, fighting hand to hand for hours.
Well, they obviously created different scenarios for each of us during the mind probe.
No doubt looking to gather information from our responses.
I thought our escape seemed too easy.
At least you escaped.
What'd they do to you?
Torture, in ways too hideous and... intimate to recount.
- Like what?
- I said "too hideous to recount".
I just had a horrible thought.
What if it is still happening?
Yes.
There's got to be a way to know for sure.
Doesn't really prove anything.
It's real, Dr. McKay.
Your minds are no longer being probed.
- It's good to know it was just our minds.
- Oh, please don't make me sick.
Please, come with me.
We're in space.
It's the star drive.
Of course, the rumbling sound we heard.
With all the ZedPMs, you're able to actually fly the city.
Yes, Dr. McKay.
Watch now.
We're about to open a hyperspace window.
Where are we going?
Atlantis.
The probes of your minds uncovered the truth... that Atlantis had not been destroyed by the Wraith
10,000 years ago, as we had believed.
You only came to live there from your original home, a planet called Earth.
Why didn't you just dial the Gate and send us through?
We're not taking you to Atlantis.
Our intention is to destroy it.
Why?
- Retribution.
- For what?
The disagreement you once had?
The Ancients no longer live there.
- We are the only inhabitants of that City.
- There was no disagreement, Dr. Weir.
Only betrayal.
If you wish to know the truth of who we are,
I will show you.
Elizabeth...
It's okay, Rodney.
The Ancients, as you call them, were desperate in their search for a better way to fight the Wraith.
Though greatly outnumbered, they relied on their technological superiority to give them a needed advantage.
Soon, they succeeded in creating one.
Instead of building bigger, more powerful weapons, they chose to build smaller ones... microscopic machines designed to infiltrate and destroy from within.
Nanites.
In these tiny killing machines, the Ancients imbued an aggression that surpassed even that of their enemy.
The technology allowed for organic assimilation and self-replication to increase their effectiveness, and replicate they did.
They grew in numbers, evolving at a rate that took the Ancients by surprise.
The molecular machines began interlocking, assembling themselves to form even more complex organisms, eventually evolving into the most effective and efficient form they knew of.
This is how we were born.
We took the image of our creators, yet we were far different from them.
The aggression programmed into our core remained, fueling a rage we could not contain.
We implored them to have this violent nature removed from our programming, but the Ancients wanted a weapon, and since their scientists included a directive prohibiting us from ever harming them, they continued the experiment.
When the Ancients concluded that the experiment had gone too far, that we would never become the weapon they desired to create, they decided to end it.
And so they chose to destroy us, to leave no trace of us behind.
Thank you.
Obviously, the Ancients didn't do a thorough enough job wiping them out.
No.
A few of the nanites managed to survive.
Which is all they needed to begin replicating again.
- Replicating?
- This is bad.
They're very similar to an artificial intelligence that SG-1 encountered several years ago that evolved from a... a tiny block replicator into human form.
- They may be related somehow.
- I read those reports.
Stargate Command could barely defeat the human form replicators.
Which is why I said, "this is bad".
The difference here is they're emulating the Ancients.
They've even built themselves a version of Atlantis.
And then some.
Why would they do this?
I think they look at the Ancients like parents who betrayed them, and now they see humans as the favored siblings who receive all the parents' love.
They've been seeking revenge ever since.
Just what we need.
More bad guys.
Which means, we've probably just identified the race that created the nanovirus that nearly killed me a couple of years ago.
It almost killed a lot of people.
Were you not able to defeat that nanovirus with an electromagnetic pulse?
That was different.
Those were individual nanites, easy to disrupt with a simple E.M. Pulse. 
These... these things have evolved way beyond that, with interdependent organic constituents of far greater complexity.
Are you feeling better?
Yes.
Follow me.
I have an offer to make you, something that could greatly benefit us both.
Well, if the offer involves saving Atlantis... we're willing to listen.
It does.
We have achieved much since our second birth.
We've evolved to take the form of our creators, built a city far grander than they ever achieved... yet for all this, we are still restricted from reaching a pivotal point in our evolution.
You want to ascend.
Yes.
Many among us, like Oberoth, have no desire to experience this.
They are content with our present state.
But there are a few of us who recognize that as a civilization, we are stagnant.
We seek to continue our own evolution.
To truly emulate the Ancients and their ultimate achievement.
Even though they betrayed you.
They are our creators, and ascension is the final step to equaling them, to becoming one with them.
No offense, but... how are a bunch of machines gonna do that?
Are you so different?
- Well, we're living, breathing people.
- Constructed from cells, consuming and burning energy, governed by electrical impulses...
I didn't say I could ascend.
Metaphysical debates aside, what do you want from us?
We're not exactly ascension experts.
Although we do know killing people isn't the best way to get there.
We realize this, and we have done much to repress our violent nature, but yet it still remains within us.
We believe this above all is what has prevented us from ascending.
What are you looking for, therapy?
We want to rewrite our base code to remove the directives for aggression.
What's stopping you?
The Ancients put in place measures to prevent us from altering the code ourselves... but you can do it.
Me?
During our probe of your mind, we learned that you are capable of doing this.
Oh, that's funny. 
All I remember is the torture.
- And what's in it for us?
- We will stop the others from attacking Atlantis.
And we will help you in your fight against the Wraith.
And Oberoth will agree to this?
I believe Oberoth is attacking Atlantis as a result of that programming.
- If we can prove to him it can be altered...
- You think he'll see the light.
Hallelujah.
I'll do everything in my power to persuade him.
Why should we trust you?
Because we are willing to trust you.
By extending this offer, we are jeopardizing our very existence.
I saw in you compassion, Dr. Weir.
Someone who could come to understand our plight.
Help us, and we will help you.
When it comes right down to it, we don't have much of a choice.
We're drawing closer to Atlantis.
Soon we will drop out of hyperspace.
How's it coming, Rodney?
Slowly.
What's the hold-up?
What's the hold-up?
Do you have any idea what I'm trying to do here?
Niam gave you access to the program code, and you're screwing around with it.
Oh, that is so... relatively accurate.
Thank you.
Still, we're not dealing with rock 'em sock 'em robots here.
We're dealing with a complex code of over three billion chemical base sequences.
It's like trying to reconfigure the DNA double helix.
Okay, so, what?
Five minutes?
It will be done when it is done, and you applying pressure is not gonna...
What?
Gotta go. 
McKay out.
Rodney, what's going on?
Rodney?
- Did you do it?
- Yes, yes, yes.
I have removed the aggression directive from the base code.
It is uploading to Niam as we speak, but
I discovered something else, nothing short of brilliant, I might add.
What?
Okay, even though these replicators are each separate, functioning beings, their basic command code is interconnected over a powerful subspace frequency.
They have these... periodic collective program updates, or...
"merges" they call them, where they exchange new information.
That's how Niam hopes to distribute the new code to the others.
Exactly, but while I was working on it,
I figured out a way to create a glitch that, on my command, should momentarily freeze them.
Should?
Okay, will. 
I mean, dead in their tracks, like hitting the pause button temporarily, until they
- figure out how to override it.
- How long?
Well, I don't know. 
That's why I said momentarily.
Days? 
Hours? 
Minutes?
Well, look, it's minutes, but I don't know.
That's what I was just saying to him!
Ten? 
Twenty?
Okay, fine. 
You want a number? 
Fine. 
Seven...
Seven minutes and 31 seconds. 
Are you happy?
- No.
- No.
- That's not enough time.
- You wanted a number.
- A bigger number.
- Yeah, well, it may very well be longer.
- Or shorter.
- I don't know.
- Look, you're missing the point...
- Gentlemen, focus, please.
Will that be enough time for us to escape?
It'll have to be.
Not much point in leaving without blowing this place up first.
How do we do that?
Oh, that's me. 
Right.
Surprise, surprise.
Why don't I just go on these missions by myself?
I'll rig a ZedPM overload.
What about Niam?
Are we not exploiting his trust?
Even if he's able to honor his end of the deal, there's no guarantee he can stop Oberoth from attacking Atlantis.
We will offer him the chance to come with us, but we cannot leave this city intact.
Are you sure this will work?
Please. 
Of course it will work.
- Why's it taking so long?
- Why do you always have to... 
Look
I need to properly calibrate the frequencies.
I wanna make sure that when I freeze them I freeze them all. 
Okay?
- All would be good.
- Just let me finish?
Thank you.
Okay. 
Here... here we go in five... four... three... two...
Hey, it worked!
Interesting.
Okay.
We should move to the ZPM room.
Why isn't he frozen?
His code's changed.
Until he's distributed it to the others in the next merge, he'll be different than the rest of them.
What happened?
What was that?
- I think we just dropped out of hyperspace.
- We need to move.
Come with us.
I'll explain on the way.
Now, Ronon, I could use...
Thanks.
You want me to go with you?
You must understand our situation.
- If you can't stop Oberoth...
- I said I would do everything in my power.
But can you promise that you will succeed?
Our lives and the lives of all of our people are at stake here.
You merge through a subspace connection.
Even if you're with us, you should be able to spread the new code amongst the others.
Come with us, Niam.
Ascension is within your grasp.
You can't turn back.
- Damn.
- What is it?
In order to do this, I need to utilize all three ZedPMs.
I was hoping to bring at least one of them back with us.
- Which you can't, we only have three minutes.
- Look, I already told you... never mind.
I need an access code to remove the failsafes.
Now... how about our weapons?
We can recover them on the way.
Not so arrogant now, are you?
McKay!
Come on!
So much for seven and a half minutes.
Hey, it was an arbitrary number.
Colonel Sheppard...
Go!
Ronon, set your gun to "kill."
It is.
- Okay, start the overload.
- What? 
No, no, no.
Not yet. 
We need to be in a Jumper or clear of the city, or...
The Jumper bay's not far, we're almost there.
No, you don't understand.
Look, I didn't want them to be able to stop it.
Look, as soon as I trigger the overload, there'll be practically zero lag time before it blows.
Practically?
Okay, fine, a few seconds for it to build up power...
- How many seconds?
- I don't know.
- Five? 
Ten?
- Again with the arbitrary numbers!
We need to move.
Ok. 
Start the overload.
Now!
This way!
What is that?
The sound of the city about to blow! 
Move!
Get that roof open, Rodney, or this is gonna be a short trip.
Don't wait for me!
I'm just saying, if we can't get out of the Jumper bay...
It doesn't matter.
The overload's happening now.
- We're about to explode.
- Is the roof open?
Yes. 
Go.
Nice work... all of you.
Thank you.
What's wrong?
Something is happening.
What is it?
The others on my planet.
They know what I've done.
I'm being reset.
Rodney, do something!
It's too late. 
They're...
That's not gonna hold him.
I'm so sorry.
I had...
I didn't...
You okay?
Yeah.
How's it going?
Still nothing.
Either the Ancients chose to purposefully conceal every record, extremely well, I might add, or they simply deleted them from the database.
I'm leaning towards the latter.
Perhaps they think they've trully destroyed them all.
Either that, or they didn't want anyone to know they had failed.
Again.
There is nothing more annoying than people that won't admit their own mistakes.
True.
McKay and Zelenka are scouring the database for any information... so far, not much... as in nothing.
These replicators... they're probably already at work building themselves another Atlantis.
Now they know all about us.
Well, we beat them this time.
Maybe we scared them off.
Yeah.
Maybe.

You coming in?
I think I'm going to stay in the car.
Charlie, you'll get them later.
Hey, how're you doing, Mr. Eppes?
Oh, good, Victor.
And you?
Great. 
How's your boys?
Uh, actually, Charlie's in the car.
What, he doesn't want to come in?
He hit into a double-play today.
You tell Charlie it's his brains that got him where he is today.
Not baseball.
Right.
Um, I'll take, uh...
a dozen franks and, um, I don't know, a couple of rib-eye.
Give me the money.
Come on, hurry up!
Okay, okay.
I said, hurry up!
Okay. 
Okay.
What do you want?
Nothing.
Just take it easy.
Come on, all of it.
Theresa.
Daddy!
Stay where you are!
Stay there or I'll kill her.
I swear to God.
Charlie!
Dad!
Charlie, get out of here!
Dad!
Dad!
Dad!
Dad!
Dad!
I'm all right.
I'm fine, I just have to catch my breath.
Call an ambulance!
Where is your mother?
I-I need your mother...
Dad...
Charlie...?
Charlie...
Charlie.
Charlie.
Charlie, come on, wake up.
You're gonna be late for class.
Mom?
Oh, there you are.
Hurry up, everything's getting cold.
Is it really you?
Of course it's me, silly.
You made pancakes.
Sit.
We don't have a lot of time.
- Here you go.
- Mom, what are you doing here?
I made you breakfast.
But I meant here... here.
You know I can't tell you that, Charlie.
Well, where have you been?
I just thought it was time, that's all.
Time for what?
You needed to see me.
I did.
Mm-hmm.
There's a question that you've been wanting to ask me.
A question?
Better hurry, sweets.
I have to go soon.
Wait.
I'll just put this in the fridge.
What question?
It'll come to you.
What question?
Did you figure it out yet, Charlie?
Charlie?
Charlie.
Charlie, get up.
Come on, you said you'd drop me at the metro.
I've got to be downtown in 45 minutes.
Let's go, come on, chop-chop.
- Hey.
- Hey.
This is Carla Daniels.
This is her house, she lives here alone.
No sign of a struggle.
Her keys were still in the ignition.
Yeah, who found her?
Her mailman.
Woman, whatever you want to call her.
How about postal carrier, Granger?
What do you say, Megan?
She was found the same way the other girl was six weeks ago.
You guys talk to the neighbors?
The guy across the street.
He says the car's been here all morning.
With her in it?
Can't remember.
Just another sunny day in L.A.
All right. 
Well, start canvassing the area.
We need permits here, so run parking tickets.
They probably didn't walk away, right?
Could be, she did it to herself?
See how pretty she looks, Granger?
She didn't dress for a suicide.
She dressed for a somebody.
I'll tell you, it was weird.
It's been four years.
I forgot what she looks like.
Listen, I completely understand.
My own mother passed years ago.
Now all I can recall is this warm smile of hers and a set of oddly tweezed eyebrows.
- It was nice seeing her, though.
- Yeah.
And you said that she told you there was some question that you had for her?
Yeah, what do you think that's about?
All depends on what school of dreams you ascribe to.
School of dreams...
Whether it's due to some random neuro-synaptic firings,
In other words, they have no meaning.
Or, you know, maybe they're revelations of some hidden subconscious conflict.
Residue of unprocessed emotions.
What side of that fence do you sit on?
Oh, I rarely dream.
I mean, every once in a while, I have this recurring dream in which my Aunt Louise is attempting to consume my flesh, but as a general rule, no.
I like to think it's because I live in the moment, but of course it could be due to some greater neuro-chemical imbalance.
That certainly might explain some things.
But we're exploring your journey here, Charles, not mine.
Exactly.
But... what is it?
Granger.
I will call you right back.
Anything?
You make your bed in the morning?
Not usually.
Tells you a lot about a person.
I have somebody who comes in.
She read the Bible.
So she says her prayers and makes her bed;
you ready to name her killer?
She was organized and tidy.
Neither of those traits are really consistent with a risk-taker.
So?
So I think whoever did this, she trusted him.
How about an ex-boyfriend?
That's what I was thinking.
That was David.
Neighbor said she broke it off a few weeks ago.
Sounds like motive to me, but it was fun watching you work.
And, really, call me as soon as you know anything, all right?
- Don.
- Hey, what's up?
Um, I have something I want to talk to you about.
- You busy?
- No, I mean, we just got handed this homicide from these locals who think it's connected to a prior murder.
Here, you want to take a look?
- Yeah, sure.
- What's up?
Um... 
I had a, uh...
I had a dream.
Oh, yeah?
A dream?
I know it sounds...
These are our two victims right here.
Wow.
They're pretty young.
Yeah, 23, 24.
Both found in their cars in their driveways, both OD'd on hot shots of diazepam and morphine.
The coroner ruled the first girl an accident until the second girl showed up.
Do we know of any connection between them?
Well, I mean, it doesn't seem like they knew each other.
This girl, Lisa Clark, I think she was a salesgirl, and Carla Daniels, a real estate broker.
And somewhere their killer must have come in contact with them.
Yep.
Okay, you know, uh, there's something called
- a Direct Network Flow problem.
- Uh-huh.
Is this good or bad for me?
Oh, it's good because these women had daily routines.
So the repetition of those routines would have narrowed the opportunity for a killer to come into contact with them.
It's like being in the kitchen.
Every day, you're in that room traveling from the table to the sink, to the fridge, back to the sink, back to the table and so on.
In these routine movements, there are unconscious patterns.
Paths you take dictated by convenience or by a specific task.
If you were to record these movements, you would see those patterns.
So, if you can get me any information about these women's daily lives, then I can analyze their more traveled routes, and find a location where they and their killer were most likely to intersect.
All right, I'll see what I can do.
So, uh, tell me about your dream.
Uh... 
Dad got shot.
During a holdup in a grocery store.
It was pretty upsetting.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Then Mom made pancakes.
Pancakes.
I don't even dream normal.
It's hard to believe she's dead.
When's the last time you spoke to her?
Oh, about... three weeks ago.
Is that when she broke up with you?
Carla didn't break up with me.
It was a mutual agreement.
Uh-huh.
How long did you know her?
About a year.
Do you read the Bible, Mr. Gill?
Is that a problem?
No, it's not a problem.
It's just, Carla Daniels had an identical copy at her house.
I gave it to her.
What else did you give her?
What's that supposed to mean?
It means, what was the exact nature of your friendship?
We were Christians.
And?
And we didn't believe in pre-marital sex, if that's where this is going.
Sex? 
No.
Nobody said anything about sex.
You just asked me...
See, you're trying to twist my words.
Take it easy, Mr. Gill.
No. 
I know what you're doing, okay?
You're trying to make it seem like I had something to do with Carla's murder.
Did you have something to do with Carla's murder?
I want you to leave, both of you.
Now.
That's not a very Christian attitude, Mr. Gill.
The autopsy suggests the diazepam was given orally, and then they were injected with morphine.
He calmed them, and then he killed them.
So what do we got, serial killer?
Well, it's a little early to tell.
But driving them both back to their homes in their cars suggests postmortem staging.
Colby likes the boyfriend for it.
Yeah? 
And why's that?
Guy claims him and Carla Daniels agreed not to have sex.
And in Granger's mind, that immediately makes him a suspect.
Yep. 
That and this.
Turns out Mr. Gill called Carla Daniels the night she was killed.
Told us he hadn't spoken to her in weeks.
And he's got a client that works less than two blocks away from the store where the first victim worked.
And, yeah, no guy agrees not to have sex.
Thomas Gill, FBI!
Open up.
Who is it?
FBI.
We have a warrant to search your apartment.
Wait, what is this?
I'll take the back.
I have the computer.
What'd I do?
You lied, Thomas.
We happen to know you called Carla the night she disappeared.
Guys.
Take a look.
Oh, ye of little faith.
I didn't remember making the call.
45-minute conversation.
Look, I would never hurt Carla.
So all this and you two never...
No, listen, I told you.
It had nothing to do with her.
Well, it was your stuff, Thomas.
I mean, all those nights that she sent you home...
It wasn't fair.
I'm sure.
I loved her.
But she said "no."
Told me I wasn't the one.
Yeah?
I just wanted her to understand.
That's why I screamed at her.
God, I'm so sorry.
Hey, look, you got a chance to make it right.
Right?
What are you talking about?
You screamed, and then what?
What happened?
Nothing. 
Nothing.
Nothing happened.
This was on the phone.
I screamed at her on the telephone.
Right. 
Then you went there and you killed her.
No! 
I swear to God, I didn't!
I didn't remember making the call.
* She's got the suntan, the presence of the earth *
* She's a cold, cold television set and she's my best friend *
* I've got my great brain, I start changing mine *
* I got the left side talking to the right *
* On the other line. *
Hi.
"Mom.
"Dad.
"Robbery.
Pancakes"?
Charlie, what is this?
I'm analyzing a dream I had.
You're applying math to your dream?
Activation Synthesis Theory.
When we sleep, our brain continues to receive signals, but because we're unconscious, it tries to structure our thoughts into some sort of association.
Why is this dream so important?
It's the first dream I've had about my Mom since she died.
You know they did a study at Harvard about people who weren't very good at unscrambling anagrams who were wakened during REM sleep and were actually able to do a much better job.
Maybe in a dream you just let go.
Harvard, huh?
You call about that job yet?
No.
It's not easy figuring things out, is it?
Speaking of figuring things out, how's Don's case?
I don't have enough information.
These women lived alone and their families lived out of state.
What about where they worked?
I mean, if they're anything like us, those are probably the people who knew them best, right?
Turns out Gill was telling the truth.
He's got a solid alibi for the night Lisa Clark was murdered.
So he's not our guy?
Doesn't look like it.
Lisa Clark, who's 23 years old.
She'd just graduated college.
She left work to meet some friends and never made it.
Bet she never thought something like this could happen to her.
Well, unfortunately, there are people out there who don't give a damn whether your thought about it or not.
And Carla Daniels... told her boss she wasn't feeling well.
Went home, put on a sexy little T-shirt and skirt.
Well, obviously she was feeling better.
I called her sisters in Missouri.
She talked to them every day... except this day.
So whoever this was, she was keeping him a secret.
What's up?
See this area?
Yeah. 
Her shoes?
They're on the wrong feet.
We've already checked for DNA.
I'm not looking for DNA.
Want to tell us exactly what it is you are looking for?
Her makeup was perfect, but her shoes were on the wrong feet.
I'm not buying it.
This guy made a mistake.
See that?
Yeah. 
What is it?
It's makeup.
Only she wouldn't have put it on before putting her T-shirt on.
Right, 'cause when she pulled it over her head...
You'd get makeup on the inside collar.
So this guy dressed her.
When she was already dead.
I don't get it.
What kind of guy puts makeup on a dead girl?
He's creating an image for himself.
All right, so elaborate on that.
Well, you take a dead girl and you dump her in a ditch, you're saying, "Look at what a bad-ass I am."
You dress one up, you take her home, you're saying, "Look at what a nice person I am."
It's almost like he's on a date.
Remind me not to set you up with any of my friends.
There's no struggle.
There's no bruises, there's no marks, so either he has a weapon he didn't use or he already knows them.
Right.
That's what Gill wouldn't tell you-- that Carla Daniels was seeing someone else.
All right.
Don, LAPD just found another girl.
Mr. and Mrs. Brewer, they're the couple thative here.
This isn't her home?
Never seen her before.
What do you think of a copycat, maybe?
What do you mean?
We weren't giving out any details.
So it's got to be our guy.
Why would he bring her here?
'Cause that's what he does, he brings them home.
Yeah, but this isn't her home.
Check out that makeup job.
It's nowhere near as good, right?
All right, so best guess, he's just going on instinct.
The other two murders, they were weeks apart they were well planned out.
He could've just picked her up off the street and took his chances.
Which means he won't stop until we stop him.
Okay, now this is interesting.
What, did you find something?
Yeah, three-bedroom in West Covina.
That small a yard and this thing is seven figures?
Larry, let's just please try to focus.
Charles, we have, we have examined every aspect of this woman's life.
So, what?
You're giving up?
No, I'm just not sure that more data is all that's required here.
Hi, all.
Hi.
Hey.
Find anything?
Yeah, apparently, she had a really annoying chair.
Also, she gets a lot of phone calls.
She had 22 messages in voicemail.
14 of which I've returned.
We're returning phone calls?
Well, yeah. 
Don said that'd be okay.
Well, Charlie wanted to hear their voices.
Inflections, to determine the level of intimacy.
The greater the familiarity, the higher the value in my Directed Network Flow.
I was trying to explain to Charles the basic flaw in his methodology.
Flaw in in my methodology?
Charles, we've been exploring the universe of this woman's life with no notion of significance.
Larry's right, Charlie.
In the hunt for a supernova, even astrophysicists apply some limit on their search.
right. 
I mean, case in point.
The Katzman Automatic Imaging Telescope takes no more than 100 photogrpahs an hour.
And if I was hunting supernoavae, then, yes, a time limitation would make sense, but in this case, we have no idea when this woman met her attacker.
No, actual, we do.
Her ex told Don she had just met someone.
Someone she didn't tell anyone about.
Okay, so we limit the assignment of edge capacities, the times that she could have moved along these paths to the last three weeks.
Isn't that a little haphazard?
Yeah, well, haphazard may be exactly what we're looking for.
How so?
That vacuum.
That vacuum works on cyclonic technology.
Constant suction is maintained by mini tornados in a series of tubes that separate the dirt from r using centrifugal force.
But if you wanted to determine the path of an actual tornado, you would focus on the landscape and lower atmosphere.
Its path is determined by a variety of factors:
weather conditions, elevation and presence of any structures or bodies of water.
It's called Kernel Density Estimation.
And what you do is you divide the landscape and lower atmosphere into squares or bins.
And the more you learn about each one, the more accurate your prediction's going to be.
So when the tornado veers off its path, you know something's missing.
Right. 
So we don't need to know every detail of this woman's life.
We just need to find that spot where the flow changed course.
So Charlie was right.
There was a change in Carla's routine.
She hurt herself snowboarding a month ago.
Stopped going to her regular gym and started going to Pilates.
To rehab.
Yeah, and there was a message at her office the day she disappeared.
There was a cancellation at the Pilates studio.
Which is why she left work early.
Yeah, and where her life veered off course.
I had a cancellation, so I had the office try Carla.
She'd been trying to see me all week.
She was definitely here then?
45-minute reformer session.
Which means she left about an hour later?
She say where she was going?
Actually, she didn't leave right away.
What do you mean?
Well, I was with my next client and Carla got into a conversation.
With your client?
With her son.
He usually hangs out till she's through.
She had a hip replacement a while back.
What's the son's name?
I'm not sure.
But my client's name is Charlotte Yates.
Thank you.
Yates...
What's up?
Those parking tickets we ran down on the second victim.
Yeah, the ones without the residential sticker.
Yeah, Charlotte Yates-- one of the names on the vehicle registration.
You let Charlie buy the house, huh?
Margaret?
Relax. 
You're just having a dream.
I see you restored the shelving.
Oh, yes.
Um...
And for the record,
I didn't realize Charlie was the one who bought the house from me.
You really think that's best-- living in this house?
Charlie's a grown man.
I have no control over where he decides to live.
I meant you.
Oh, uh...
Well, it's, um...
Comfortable?
I worry about you not moving on, you know.
Taking changes again.
I'm doing all right.
The caterer?
It's not serious.
Charlie says you told him he has a question he wants to ask you?
Well, we always knew it was coming.
We did the best we could with them.
Right?
They are both very fine men.
Yeah.
Yeah, they are.
You give Don my love.
Yes, always.
I just want you all to be happy.
Then you shouldn't have died.
She seemed like a very sweet girl.
You knew her then?
On occasion, our appointments overlapped.
Is this your son, Mrs. Yates?
Yes.
He's a handsome boy.
Chandler is almost 40 years old.
Is he here?
No. 
Chandler does not live at home.
Oh? 
Where does he live?
At the beach house.
Why?
Do you own a Lexus, Mrs. Yates?
It's registered in my name, but that's Chandler's car.
By any chance did you ever give Carla a ride home?
Ride home?
I barely know her.
Plus, I don't drive.
You've lived in Los Angeles all your life and you don't drive?
My husband drove me around.
Now Chandler takes me wherever I need to go.
Besides,
I'm on medication.
Oh, yeah?
Since my hip surgery,
I find it difficult to get comfortable.
I even take a little Valium to go to sleep.
Diazepam.
Morphine was knocking me for a loop.
Is this you,
Mrs. Yates?
I did a little modeling when I was younger.
Do you know where your son is now?
No.
We don't see that much of each other anymore.
I'm afraid that we had a...
a falling out.
And what was that about?
Chandler's trust fund-- what else.
A certain amount was to be transferred to him on his birthday.
I didn't feel he was ready.
All that gallivanting around.
Naturally, he was upset.
I ld him the same thing I told his father-- the spigot doesn't stay turned on forever.
When was that exactly?
Six weeks ago.
Come out here.
What the...?
Where's Chandler?
He's not here.
When's the last time you saw him?
This morning.
What's going on?
You live here?
With Chandler. 
Why?
Where's he at?
He... he went surfing.
- When's he supposed to be back?
- I don't know.
He might have stopped off for a drink.
Yeah? 
Where would that be?
John's-- it's on Treemont.
I'll call them.
All right, stay with her.
David, how you doing?
You clear?
No sign of him, Don.
All right, come on out front.
We're clear here.
Hold on, we just found something back here
I think you should take a look at.
All right, I'm on my way.
What's in there?
I can't really see, but something seems weird.
I mean, there could be girls in there, right?
Shh. 
She's fast asleep.
Girl's not sleeping.
She's unconscious.
Yeah, drugged, huh?
Now she's ready to do anything I say, anything I want.
How many women you think he did this to?
* Here we are, together again... *
Want to see?
What I want to see is you fry.
Is this a fairly typical crowd?
Yeah, mostly college kids.
This guy's not in college.
He's in his 40's.
Oh, Chandler.
Yeah, I've seen him.
Oh, yeah?
When was that?
A couple hours ago.
Uh-huh.
- Oh, you should talk to Lyndsey.
- Who's Lyndsey?
Lyndsey Fuller, she's a waitress.
She's pretty friendly with him.
Uh, thanks.
Hey,
- you Lyndsey?
- Yeah.
How you doing?
I'm Don Eppes, FBI.
Apparently, you know Chandler Yates?
Yeah. 
So?
So, we're trying to locate him.
Why? 
What's he done?
He was just here?
A while ago.
What's this all about?
Some women have made some allegations against him.
Allegations against Chandler?
That's ridiculous.
We didn't even tell you what they are, Lyndsey.
Look, all I'm saying is Chandler's a nice guy.
So whatever these girls are saying, there's more to it.
You have any idea where he is?
No.
No?
Look, I got to get back to work, okay?
Oh, yeah...
Shh.
This is so sweet.
It's 2:00 a.m.
and I got a little present just waiting for me.
Wendy doesn't like me to do certain things.
But what Wendy doesn't know, won't hurt her.
And this is Chandler's girlfriend from the beach house?
Yeah. 
Seems like he's done this to about a dozen different women.
None of these DVDs have any of our victims on them.
I think this is something different.
Really? 
What do you mean?
I don't think he killed any of these girls.
In fact, I don't think they know anything happened to them.
What makes you think that?
I think the killing started with our first victim-- Lisa Clark.
She disappeared ten days after the mother cut him off.
You think that triggered him?
Well, Yates needed the money to lure young women.
Money he gets from giving him mom sponge baths, until she pulls the plug.
And that drives him to kill.
But without Mom's money, his access to the women is gone.
Right, so in other words,
Mom cut it off.
Dr. Fleinhardt.
How goes it with Don's storm-chasing?
I was right.
There was a change in Carla Daniel's routine.
A snowboarding injury.
What, are you examining parabolic arcs and classic projectile motion?
Actually... just practicing for the Physics Department food fight.
You know, in any event, Charles, I've rarely known your instincts to be wrong about such matters.
Yeah, well... figuring out other people's problems doesn't seem difficult.
Are you referring to your dream?
Math isn't working.
And without it, you're lost.
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself how do you feel about your dream?
Mathematics aside.
Besides math?
Um... 
I guess, in the moment that my dad was shot, all I remember feeling is alone.
What about with your mother?
It's funny, I kept wondering why she made pancakes.
I thought you mentioned she always used to make them.
Yeah, except I never liked pancakes.
You never told her?
Don liked them.
I just kept pretending to like them, too.
You know, numbers may be abstract, Charles, but nevertheless, they are objective descriptions of the world around us.
But dreams... dreams can only be discernable to the dreamer.
Hey. 
So, the bartender said he was just there.
Yeah, the girlfriend tipped him off.
So, we freeze his bank accounts and credit cards.
- I mean, how far can he get?
- You know, we do that, and we're gonna paint this guy into a corner.
How do you mean?
If we're not careful, we can turn him into a spree killer.
A spree killer?
Yeah, a serial killer hopes to get away with it.
A spree killer doesn't care.
All right, look, where's the guy go for help?
His mother.
Okay, so you two go see her; you get a warrant on her phone.
I'm gonna keep an eye on the bar; maybe he'll show up there.
Right? 
And we'll talk later.
I told you, we are not speaking.
You do understand that your son's little killing spree is gonna cost you, right?
What are you talking about?
His victims, Mrs. Yates, and their bereaved families.
They're all going to want to hold someone accountable.
For whatever Chandler has done, I'm obviously very sorry.
But how is it any of my responsibility?
It's not yet.
But we know he called you, and if another woman is harmed...
He's not going to ruin me.
Not like his father did.
Man never worked a day in his life, either.
He needs money.
And how are you gonna get it to him?
He knows you're looking for him.
How?
I'm supposed to meet him in the park in a little while.
I'm supposed to come alone.
David, you all set?
He comes this way, I got him.
Colby?
Yeah, I'm all set.
All right, he's 20 minutes late.
Wait, hold on a second. 
I see somebody walking towards her.
I got him.
David, you see him?
Yeah, I got him.
Okay, he's talking to Mom.
He's trying to get the money.
Three-six-nine-five to Control.
Three-six-nine-five, go.
Yeah, patch me through to my team, would you?
Three-six-nine-five, stand by.
Three-six-nine-five, your team is in active pursuit and is unable to respond.
All right. 
Copy that.
Look, show me a 355 Parker Street.
Roger that?
I'm showing that as the residence of Lyndsey Fuller.
Copy that.
- He just took the money.
- All right, let him exit the park.
Get him away from all the people.
I'm on him.
He's moving towards the parking lot.
He's headed for the Lexus.
Okay, all positions move in.
Grab him before he gets to the car.
Yates! 
FBI! 
Stop!
Yates! 
Stop right there, or I will shoot.
Back out of the car, and turn around very slowly.
Put your hands in the air.
Three-six-nine-five to Control.
Three-six-nine-five, go.
Request back-up.
Assault in progress.
I want my team and LAPD rolling, Code 3. 
ASAP now.
Shh!
Shh, I'm with the FBI.
He's here.
He's in the house.
Yates!
Yates!
Yates!
Yates!
Yates, this is the FBI here.
Yates!
Agent... down...
We need a medic.
I used to come out here to think.
I can see you do the same thing.
The house gets cluttered.
Dad says there's no room.
Your father's one to talk.
He used to fill that dining room with his blueprints.
You are a lot like him, you know that?
Am I?
You were both so certain about yourselves, about what you expected from your lives.
But not you and Don.
Your brother and I were just never as sure about ourselves.
I know what I want to ask you.
What is it, Charlie?
Do you regret it?
Regret what, sweetie?
Having to take care of me.
Spending those years at Princeton, away from Dad... away from Don...
Your father and I tried to give you and your brother what you both needed.
At t time, you needed your mother.
How could I regret that choice?
But Don needed you, too.
Don is a wonderful man, Charlie.
Whatever mistakes I've made, he's grown stronger for them.
And he's done it with your help.
I miss you.
Hey.
I didn't even know you were here.
Yeah, I guess I dozed off back there.
Boy, you got the good life, huh?
What are you up to?
Oh, it's just my statement.
You're gonna be okay, though, right?
Yeah. 
What's up?
I, uh...
I don't want you to think that... that you're alone.
What?
Seems like you've always been left to take care of yourself.
Oh, Charlie...
Maybe that's why you are the way you are.
Yeah, how's that?
Never allowed to be afraid.
Look, believe me, I get afraid all the time.
You never show it.
Well, doesn't mean it doesn't exist, you know?
I mean, I got a lot of people counting on me.
I just want you to know this is your home, here with me and Dad.
What? 
You don't think I come around enough?
What's going on?
What are you boys doing?
Uh, it's just my statement for the shooting.
Oh. 
Shooting, huh?
Is there a... is there a problem about it?
I did shoot a man.
Yeah, because you had no choice.
You always have a choice.
Well, then, the trick is to learn how to live with the ones you make.
That would be the trick.
Want me to take a look?
Your old man still has a few good ideas left. 
Charlie...
You know, I... you know, I can...
I can compute bullet trajectories based on the layout of the house.
All right.
Where's the ballistics report?
Over here.
Okay, let's see what you got here...

You coming in?
Think I'm going to stay in the car.
Charlie, you'll get them next time.
- Hey, how are you doing, Mr. Eppes?
- Oh, good, Victor. 
And you?
Great. 
How's your boys?
Actually, Charlie's in the car.
What? 
He doesn't want to come in?
He hit into a double play today.
You tell Charlie it's his brains that got him where he is today.
- Not baseball.
- Right.
I'll take a dozen franks.
And, I don't know couple of rib eye.
- Give me the money.
Come on, hurry up.
I said, hurry up.
- What do you want?
- Nothing. 
Just take it easy.
- Come on, all of it.
- Theresa.
- Daddy.
- Stay where you are.
Stay there or I'll kill her.
I swear to God.
- Charlie.
- Dad.
Charlie, get out of here.
Dad.
Dad.
Dad.
Dad.
- Dad.
- All right.
I'm fine.
I just have to catch my breath.
Call an ambulance.
Where is your mother?
I need your mother.
Dad.
Charlie?
Charlie.
Charlie.
Charlie.
Charlie, come on, wake up.
You're gonna be late for class.
Mom.
There you are.
Hurry up. 
Everything's getting cold.
- Is that really you?
- Of course it's me, silly.
You made pancakes.
Sit. 
We don't have a lot of time.
- Here you go.
- Mom, what are you doing here?
I made you breakfast.
But I meant... 
I meant here. 
Here.
You know I can't tell you that, Charlie.
Where have you been?
I just thought it was time, that's all.
Time for what?
You needed to see me.
I did?
There's a question that you've been wanting to ask me.
A question?
Better hurry, sweets.
I have to go soon.
- Wait.
- I'll just put this in the fridge.
What question?
It'll come to you.
What question?
Did you figure it out yet, Charlie?
Charlie?
Charlie. 
Charlie, get up.
You said you'd drop me at the metro.
I gotta be downtown in 45 minutes. 
Let's go.
Come on. 
Chop-chop.
- Hey.
- Hey.
This is Carla Daniels. 
This is her house. 
She lives here alone.
No signs of a struggle and keys are still in the ignition.
Yeah? 
Who found her?
The mailman. 
Woman.
Whatever you want to call her.
How about postal carrier, Granger?
What do you say, Megan?
She was found the same way the other girl was six weeks ago.
You guys talk to the neighbours?
The guy across the street.
Says the car's been here all morning.
With her in it?
He can't remember.
Just another sunny day in L.A.
All right, well, start canvassing the area.
You need permits here, so run parking tickets.
They probably didn't walk away, right?
Could be she did it to herself.
See how pretty she looks, Granger?
She didn't dress for a suicide.
She dressed for somebody.
I'm telling you, it was weird.
It's been four years.
- I forgot what she looks like.
- Listen, I completely understand.
My own mother passed years ago.
Now, all I can recall is this warm smile of hers and a set of oddly tweezed eyebrows.
- It was nice seeing her though.
- Yeah.
And you said that she told you there was some question that you had for her?
- Yeah, what do you think that's about?
- I don't know.
All depends on what school of dreams you ascribe to.
- School of dreams?
- Whether it's due to random neurosynaptic firings...
In other words, they have no meaning.
- or maybe they are revelations of some hidden subconscious conflict, residue of unprocessed emotions.
Which side of that fence do you sit on?
Oh, I rarely dream.
I mean, once in a while I have this recurring dream in which my Aunt Louise is attempting to consume my flesh.
But as a general rule, no.
I like to think that it's because I live in the moment, but, of course, it could be due to some greater neurochemical imbalance.
That certainly might explain some things.
But we're exploring your journey here, Charles, not mine.
Exactly, but what is it?
Granger.
I'll call you right back.
Anything?
- You make your bed in the morning?
- Not usually.
Tells you a lot about a person.
I have somebody who comes in.
She read the Bible.
So she says her prayers and makes her bed. 
You ready to name the killer?
She was organized and tidy.
Neither of those traits are really consistent with a risk-taker.
So?
So I think whoever did this, she trusted him.
How about an ex-boyfriend?
That's what I was thinking.
That was David. 
Neighbour said she broke it off a few weeks ago.
Sounds like a motive to me.
It was fun watching you work.
Tommy, make sure I get that by 5:00.
- Billy, call me when you know.
- Hey, Don.
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey.
I have something I want to talk to you about. 
Are you busy right now?
We just got this homicide from these locals.
They think it's connected to a prior murder.
- Yeah?
- You want to take a look?
- Yeah. 
Sure.
- What's up?
I had a...
I had a dream.
Oh, yeah, a dream?
I know it sounds...
This is our two victims, right here.
- Pretty young.
- Yeah, 23, 24.
Both found in their cars in their driveways.
Both OD'd of hotshots of diazepam and morphine.
Coroner ruled the first girl an accident
- until the second girl showed up.
- Any connection between them?
It doesn't seem like they knew each other.
Lisa Clark, she was a salesgirl, Carla Daniels, a real-estate broker.
And somewhere their killer must have come into contact with them.
- Yeah.
- Okay, you know...
There's something called a direct network flow problem.
Is this good or bad for me?
It's good because these women had daily routines, so the repetition of those routines would have narrowed the opportunity for a killer to come into contact with them.
It's like being in the kitchen.
Every day, you're in that room, travelling from the table to the sink, to the fridge, back to the sink, back to the table and so on.
In these routine movements, there are unconscious patterns.
Paths you take, dictated by convenience or by a specific task.
If you were to record these movements, you would see those patterns.
So if you can get me any information about these women's daily lives, then I can analyse their more-travelled routes and find a location where they and their killer were most likely to intersect.
All right, I'll see what I can do.
So tell me about your dream.
Dad got shot.
During a hold-up in a grocery store.
It's pretty upsetting.
Yeah, I'm sure.
And Mom made pancakes.
Pancakes?
I don't even dream normal.
It's hard to believe she's dead.
When was the last time you spoke to her?
About three weeks ago.
Is that when she broke up with you?
Carla didn't break up with me.
It was a mutual agreement.
How long did you know her?
About a year.
You read the Bible, Mr. Gill?
- Is that a problem?
- No. 
It's not a problem.
It's just that Carla Daniels had an identical copy at her house.
Well, I gave it to her.
What else did you give her?
What's that supposed to mean?
It means, what was the exact nature of your friendship?
We were Christians.
- And?
- We didn't believe in premarital sex,
- if that's where this is going.
- Sex? 
No.
Nobody said anything about sex.
You just asked me...
- So you're trying to twist my words?
- Take it easy, Mr. Gill.
No, I know what you're doing.
You're trying to make it seem I had something to do with Carla's murder.
Did you have something to do with Carla's murder?
I want you to leave. 
Both of you.
Now.
That's not a very Christian attitude, Mr. Gill.
The autopsy suggests the diazepam was given orally and then they were injected with morphine.
He calmed them and then he killed them.
- So, what do we got, serial killer?
- Well, it's a little early to tell, but driving them both back to their homes in their cars suggests post-mortem staging.
Colby likes the boyfriend for it.
Yeah? 
And why is that?
Guy claims him and Carla Daniels agreed not to have sex.
And in Granger's mind, that immediately makes him a suspect.
Yup. 
That and this.
Turns out Mr. Gill called Carla Daniels the night she was killed.
Told us he hadn't spoken to her in weeks.
And he's got a client that works less than two blocks away from the store where the first victim worked.
And, yeah.
No guy agrees not to have sex.
Thomas Gill, FBI.
- Open up.
- Who is it?
FBI.
We have a warrant to search your apartment.
What is this?
- I'll take the back.
- I got the computer.
What did I do?
You lied, Thomas.
We happen to know you called Carla the night she disappeared.
Guys.
Take a look.
O ye of little faith.
I didn't remember making the call.
- Forty-five-minute conversation?
- Look, I would never hurt Carla.
So all this and you two never...
No. 
Listen, I told you...
- It had nothing to do with her.
- Well, it was your stuff, Thomas.
I mean, all those nights that she sent you home...
Look, it wasn't fair.
Yeah, I'm sure.
I loved her.
But she said no.
Told me I wasn't the one.
- Yeah?
- I just  wanted her to understand, you know.
That's why I screamed at her.
God, I'm so sorry.
Hey, look, you got a chance to make it right.
Make it right?
- What are you talking about?
- You screamed and then what?
What happened?
Nothing. 
Nothing happened.
This was on the phone.
- I screamed at her on the telephone.
- Right. 
Then you went there
- and you killed her.
- No. 
I swear to God, I didn't.
I didn't remember making the call.
Hi.
"Mom, Dad, robbery, pancakes."
Charlie, what is this?
I'm analysing a dream I had.
You're applying math to your dream?
Activation synthesis theory.
When we sleep, our brain continues to receive signals, but because we're unconscious, it tries to structure our thoughts into some sort of association.
Why is this dream so important?
It's the first dream I had about my mom since she died.
You know, they did a study at Harvard about people who weren't very good at unscrambling anagrams, who were wakened during REM sleep and were actually able to do a much better job.
Maybe in a dream, you just let go.
Harvard, huh?
Call about that job yet?
No.
It's not easy figuring things out, is it?
Speaking of figuring things out, how is Don's case?
I don't have enough information.
These women lived alone and their families lived out of state.
Well, what about where they worked?
I mean, if they're anything like us, those are probably the people who knew them best. 
Right?
It turns out Gill was telling the truth.
He's got a solid alibi for the night Lisa Clark was murdered.
So he's not our guy?
Doesn't look like it.
Lisa Clark was 23 years old.
She just graduated college.
She left work to meet some friends and never made it.
Bet she never thought something like could happen to her.
Unfortunately, there are people out there who don't give a damn whether you thought about it or not.
And Carla Daniels.
Told her boss she wasn't feeling well.
Went home, put on a sexy little T-shirt and skirt.
Well, obviously she was feeling better.
And I called her sisters in Missouri, she talked to them everyday.
Except this day.
So whoever this was, she was keeping him a secret.
What's up?
See this area?
Yeah, her shoes?
They're on the wrong feet.
We've already checked for DNA.
I'm not looking for DNA.
Tell us exactly what it is you are looking for.
Her makeup was perfect but her shoes were on the wrong feet?
I'm not buying it.
This guy made a mistake.
See that?
Yeah. 
What is it?
It's makeup.
Only she wouldn't have put it on before putting her T-shirt on.
Right, because when she pulled it over her head...
It would get makeup on the inside collar.
So this guy dressed her.
When she was already dead.
I just... 
I don't get it.
What kind of guy puts makeup on a dead girl?
He's creating an image for himself.
All right, so elaborate on that.
Well, you take a dead girl, you dump her in a ditch, you're saying, "Look at what a badass I am."
You dress one up, you take her home, you're saying, "Look at what a nice person I am."
It's almost like he's on a date.
Remind me not to set you up with any of my friends.
There's no struggle, no bruises, no marks.
Either he has a weapon he didn't use...
Or he already knows them.
- Right.
- That's what Gill wouldn't tell you.
That Carla Daniels was seeing someone else.
- All right...
- Hey, guys.
L.A.P.D. just found another girl.
Mr. and Mrs. Ruerer, the other couple that live here.
This isn't her home?
Never seen her before.
What do you think of a copycat maybe?
What do you mean?
We haven't given out any details.
So it's gotta be our guy?
Why would he bring her here?
Because that's what he does.
He brings them home.
Yeah, but this isn't her home.
Check out that makeup job.
It's nowhere as near as good, right?
All right, so best guess?
He's just going on instinct.
The other two murders were weeks apart, well planned out.
He could have just picked her up and took his chances.
Which means he won't stop until we stop him.
Okay, now, this is interesting.
- Did you find something?
- Yeah.
A three-bedroom in West Covina.
Small yard and this thing is seven figures?
Larry, let's just please try to focus.
But, Charles, we have...
We have examined every aspect of this woman's life.
So, what, you're giving up?
No. 
I'm just not sure that more data is all that's required here.
- Hi, all.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Did you find anything?
Yeah. 
Apparently she had a really annoying chair.
Also she gets a lot of phone calls:
22 messages in her voicemail.
Fourteen of which I've returned.
We're returning phone calls?
Well, yeah.
Don said that would be okay.
Well, Charlie wanted to hear their voices.
Inflections. 
To determine the level of intimacy.
The greater the familiarity, the higher the value in my directed network flow.
Yeah, I was trying to explain to Charles the basic flaw in his methodology...
Flaw? 
In my methodology?
Charles, we've been exploring the universe of this woman's life with no notion of significance.
Larry's right, Charlie.
In the hunt for a supernova, even astrophysicists apply
- some limit on their search.
- Right. 
Case in point.
The Katzman Automatic Imaging Telescope, takes no more than 100 photographs an hour.
And if I was hunting supernovae, then, yes, a time limitation would make sense, but in this case, we have no idea when this woman met her attacker.
No, actually we do.
Her ex told Don she had just met someone.
Someone she didn't tell anyone about.
Okay, so we limit the assignment of edge capacities, the times that she could have moved along these paths to the last three weeks.
Isn't that a little on the haphazard?
Well, haphazard may be exactly what we're looking for.
How so?
That vacuum.
That vacuum works on cyclonic technology.
Constant suction is maintained by mini tornadoes in a series of tubes that separate the dirt from air using centrifugal force.
But if you wanted to determine the path of an actual tornado, you would focus on the landscape and lower atmosphere.
See, its path is determined by a variety of factors:
Weather conditions, elevation and presence of any structures or bodies of water.
It's called Kernel Density Estimation.
And what you do is you divide the landscape and lower atmosphere into squares or bins, and the more you learn about each one, the more accurate your prediction's gonna be.
So when the tornado veers off its path, you know something's missing.
Right, so we don't need to know every detail of this woman's life.
We just need to find that spot where the flow changed course.
So Charlie was right.
There was a change in Carla's routine.
She hurt herself snowboarding a month ago, stopped going to her regular gym and started going to Pilates.
- To rehab.
- Yeah, and there was a message at her office the day she disappeared, there was a cancellation at the Pilate's studio.
Which is why she left work early.
And where her life veered off course.
I had a cancellation, so I had the office try Carla.
- She'd been trying to see me all week.
- She was here then?
Forty-five-minute reformer session.
All right, which means she left about an hour later?
- Did she say where she was going?
- Actually, she didn't leave right away.
What do you mean?
Well, I was with my next client and Carla got into a conversation.
- With your client?
- With her son.
He usually hangs out till she's through.
- She had a hip replacement.
- What's the son's name?
I'm not sure. 
But the client's name is Charlotte Yates.
Thank you.
Yates.
What's up?
Those parking tickets we ran down on the second victim?
Yeah, the ones without the residential sticker.
Yeah. 
Charlotte Yates.
One of the names on the vehicle registration.
You let Charlie buy the house, huh?
- Margaret?
- Relax. 
You're just having a dream.
I see you restored the shelving.
Oh, yes.
And for the record,
I didn't realise Charlie was the one who bought the house from me.
You really think that's best, living in this house?
Well, Charlie is a grown man.
I have no control of where he decides to live.
I meant you.
Well, it's...
Comfortable?
I worry about you not moving on.
You know, taking chances again.
I'm doing all right.
The caterer?
It's not serious.
Charlie says you told him he has a question he wants to ask you?
Well, we always knew it was coming.
We did the best we could with them.
- Right?
- They are both very fine men.
Yeah.
Yeah, they are.
You'll give Don my love.
Yes. 
Always.
I just want you all to be happy.
Then you shouldn't have died.
Oh, she seemed like a very sweet girl.
So you knew her, then?
On occasion, our appointments overlapped.
Is this your son, Mrs. Yates?
Yes.
He's a handsome boy.
Chandler is almost 40 years old.
- Is he here?
- No.
Chandler does not live at home.
No? 
Where does he live?
At the beach house.
- Why?
- Do you own a Lexus, Mrs. Yates?
It's registered in my name, but that's Chandler's car.
By any chance, did you ever give Carla a ride home?
Ride home? 
I barely know her.
Plus, I don't drive.
You've lived in Los Angeles all your life and you don't drive?
My husband drove me around.
Now Chandler takes me wherever I need to go.
Besides, I'm on medication.
- Oh, yeah?
- Since my hip surgery,
I find it difficult to get comfortable.
- I even take a Valium to go to sleep.
- Diazepam.
Morphine was knocking me for a loop.
Is this you, Mrs. Yates?
I did a little modelling when I was younger.
- Do you know where your son is now?
- No.
We don't see that much of each other anymore.
I'm afraid that we had...
A falling-out.
And what was that about?
Chandler's trust fund. 
What else?
A certain amount was to be transferred to him on his birthday.
I didn't feel he was ready.
And all that gallivanting around...
Naturally he was upset. 
I told him the same thing I told his father:
The spigot doesn't stay turned on forever.
When was that exactly?
Six weeks ago.
- What the?
- Come here.
- What the?
- Where's Chandler?
- He's not here.
- When's the last time you saw him?
This morning. 
What's going on?
- You live here?
- With Chandler. 
Why?
- Where's he at?
- He went surfing.
When's he supposed to be back?
I don't know. 
He might have stopped for a drink.
Yeah? 
Where would that be?
John's. 
It's on Tremont.
- I'll call it in.
- Stay with her.
David, how are you doing?
You clear?
- No sign of him, Don.
- Come on out front. 
We're clear here.
Hold on. 
We found something I think you should take a look at.
All right. 
I'm on my way.
What's in there?
I can't really see, but something seems weird.
I mean, there could be girls in there, right?
Lights, camera, action.
She's fast asleep.
The girl's not sleeping.
- She's unconscious.
- Yeah.
Drugged, huh?
Now she's ready to do anything I say.
Anything I want.
How many women do you think he did this to?
Wanna see?
What I want to see is you fry.
It was a fairly typical crowd?
Yeah, mostly college kids.
Well, this guy's not in college.
He's in his 40s.
Oh, Chandler. 
Yeah, I've seen him.
- Oh, yeah? 
When was that?
- A couple of hours ago.
- You should talk to Lyndsey.
- Who's Lyndsey?
Lyndsey Fuller, she's our waitress.
She was pretty friendly with him.
All right, thanks.
Hey, you Lyndsey?
- Yeah.
- How are you? 
I'm Don Eppes, FBI.
Apparently, you know Chandler Yates?
- Yeah. 
So?
- So we're trying to locate him.
Why? 
What's he done?
Well, he was just here?
A while ago. 
What's this all about?
Well, some women have made some allegations against him.
Allegations? 
Against Chandler?
That's ridiculous.
We didn't even tell you what they are, Lyndsey.
All I'm saying is Chandler's a nice guy.
So whatever these girls are saying there's more to it.
- You have any idea where he is?
- No.
- No?
- I gotta get back to work, okay?
There she is.
Oh, yeah.
This is so sweet.
It's 2 a.m.
and I got a little present just waiting for me.
Wendy doesn't like me to do certain things.
But what Wendy doesn't know, won't hurt her.
And this is Chandler's girlfriend from the beach house?
Yeah. 
It seems like he's done this to about a dozen different women.
Only none of these DVDs have our any of our victims on them.
That's because I think this is different.
- Really? 
What do you mean?
- I don't think he killed these girls.
I don't think they know anything happened to them.
What makes you think that?
I think the killings started with our first victim, Lisa Clark.
She disappeared 10 days after the mother cut him off.
Yeah, and you think that triggered him?
Well, Yates needed the money to lure young women.
Money he gets from giving his mom sponge baths, until she pulls the plug.
- And that drives him to kill?
- But without Mom's money, his access to the women is gone.
Oh, right. 
So in other words, Mom cut it off.
Dr. Fleinhardt.
How goes it with Don's storm chasing?
I was right.
There was a change in Carla Daniels' routine.
A snowboarding injury.
What, are you examining parabolic arcs and classic projectile motion?
Actually just practising for the Physics Department food fight.
You know, in any event, Charles,
I've rarely known your instincts to be wrong about such matters.
Yeah, well, figuring out other people's problems doesn't seem difficult.
Are you referring to your dream?
Math isn't working.
And without it, you're lost.
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself, how do you feel about your dream?
Mathematics aside.
Besides math?
I guess in the moment that my Dad was shot, all I remember feeling is alone.
What about with your mother?
It's funny. 
I kept wondering why she made pancakes.
You mentioned she always used to make them.
Yeah, but I never liked pancakes.
- You never told her?
- Don liked them.
I just kept pretending to like them too.
You know, numbers may be abstract, Charles.
But nevertheless, they are objective descriptions of the world around us.
But dreams?
Dreams can only be discernible to the dreamer.
Hey. 
So the bartender said he was just there.
Yeah. 
The girlfriend tipped him off.
We freeze his bank accounts and credit cards. 
How far can he get?
We do that and we're gonna paint this guy into a corner.
How do you mean?
If we're not careful, we can turn him into a spree killer.
- A spree killer?
- Yeah.
A serial killer hopes to get away with it.
A spree killer doesn't care.
All right, look, where does the guy go for help?
- His mother.
- Okay. 
So you two go see her.
Get a warrant on her phone.
I'll keep an eye on the bar, maybe he'll show up. 
We'll talk later.
I told you.
- We are not speaking.
- You do understand that your son's little killing spree is gonna cost you, right?
What are you talking about?
His victims, Mrs. Yates, and their bereaved families.
They're all gonna want to hold someone accountable.
For whatever Chandler has done, I'm obviously very sorry.
But how is it any of my responsibility?
It's not yet, but we know he called you.
And if another woman is harmed...
He's not going to ruin me.
Not like his father did.
The man never worked a day in his life either.
He needs money.
- How are you gonna get it to him?
- He knows you're looking for him.
How?
I'm supposed to meet him in the park in a little while.
I'm supposed to come alone.
David, you all set?
If he comes this way, I've got him.
Colby?
Yeah, I'm all set.
All right. 
He's 20 minutes late.
Wait, hold on a second.
I see somebody walking towards her.
I got him. 
David, you see him?
Yeah, I've got him.
Okay, he's talking to Mom.
He's trying to get the money.
Three-six-nine-five to Control.
Three-six-nine-five, go.
Yeah, patch me through to my team, will you?
Three-six-nine-five, stand by.
Three-six-nine-five, your team is in active pursuit and is unable to respond.
All right, copy that. 
Look, show me at 355 Parker Street. 
Roger that?
Roger that, three-six-nine-five.
I'm showing that as the residence of Lyndsey Fuller.
Copy that.
He just took the money.
All right, let him exit the park, get him away from all the people.
I'm on him.
He's moving toward the parking lot.
He's headed for the Lexus.
Okay, all positions move in, grab him before he gets to the car.
Yates. 
FBI. 
Stop.
Yates, stop right there or I will shoot.
Back out of the car and turn around very slowly.
Put your hands in the air.
Three-six-nine-five to Control.
Three-six-nine-five, go.
Request backup. 
Assault in progress.
I want my team and L.A.P.D. rolling code three. 
ASAP.
Three-six-nine-five, copy.
Assault in progress.
355 Parker Street.
Units rolling, code three.
I'm with the FBI.
- You okay?
- He's here.
- He's in the house.
- He is?
Yates. 
Yates.
Yates.
Yates.
Yates, this is the FBI here.
Yates.
Agent down. 
I need a medic.
I used to come out here to think.
I can see you do the same thing.
The house gets cluttered.
Dad says there's no room.
Your father's one to talk.
He used to fill that dining room with his blueprints.
You are a lot like him, you know that?
Am I?
You're both so certain about yourselves, about what you expected from your lives.
But not you and Don.
Your brother and I were just never as sure about ourselves.
I know what I want to ask you.
What is it, Charlie?
Do you regret it?
Regret what, sweetie?
Having to take care of me.
Spending those years at Princeton away from Dad, away from Don?
Your father and I tried to give you and your brother what you both needed.
At the time, you needed your mother.
How could I regret that choice?
But Don needed you too.
Don is a wonderful man, Charlie.
Whatever mistakes I've made, he's grown stronger for them.
And he's done it with your help.
I miss you.
Hey. 
I didn't know you were here.
I guess I dozed off back there.
You've got the good life, huh?
What are you up to?
Just my statement.
You're going to be okay though, right?
Yeah. 
What's up?
I don't want you to think that...
That you're alone.
What?
Seems like you've always been left to take care of yourself.
Oh, Charlie.
Maybe that's why you are the way you are.
Yeah? 
How's that?
Never allowed to be afraid.
Look, believe me, I get afraid all the time.
You never show it.
Well it doesn't mean it doesn't exist, you know?
I mean, I've got a lot of people counting on me.
I just want you to know this is your home, here with me and Dad.
What, you don't think I come around enough?
What's going on?
What are you boys doing?
It's just my statement for the shooting.
Shooting, huh?
You have...
Got a problem about it?
- I did shoot a man.
- Yeah, because you had no choice.
You always have a choice.
Well, then, the trick is to learn how to live with the ones you make.
That would be the trick.
Want me to take a look?
Your old man still has a few good ideas left.
- All right, fine.
- Charlie.
You know, I can...
You know, I can...
I can compute bullet trajectories based on the layout of the house.
All right.
Where's the ballistics report?
Oh, here it is.
Okay, let's see what you got here.

ROMEO AND JULIET
Then sweeten with then sweeten with thy breath
This neighbour air and let rich music tongue
Unfold the imagined happiness
That both receive in either by this dear encounter.
Receive in either this dear encounter
Ah Juliet Juliet Juliet ln the measure of thy joy
Then sweeten with
Then sweeten with thy breath
This neighbour air
And let rich music tongue
But my true love is grown to such excess I cannot sum up sum of half my wealth.
- lt was here... here that we found those two kids dead.
intertwined, frozen in the snow and ice.
Before them, other kids had died, victims of wars between rival gangs.
A year later in the spring
the river gave them back, innocent victims,
young lovers, sacrificed.
(explosion)
(general panic)
- alex!
- Christ, the bikers blew up a child!
- alex!
- His start is slow.
It's been a month now.
- It's just a practice.
could you swim like him at 1 7?
Look at him!
What's his game?
- Your champ's a rebel.
- Like father, Iike son.
- Not him.
He was born into the wrong family.
- I know what his problem is.
- Romeo!
That was only 50 m!
Scram!
Do you ever feel like breaking down
Do you ever feel out of place
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you (whistling)
Do you ever wanna run away
Do you lock yourself in your room
Listen up, everybody!
Tomorrow morning, 8 a.m.
400-meter relay team, I want to see you in the gym.
That means you too, Sigouin!
Save your raves for after the finals.
What's going on?
- Even the juniors are passing me.
- You're the youngest on the team, don't forget.
You're not all there.
I know your dad's situation isn't easy.
Don't let it distract you.
You're not the one on trial.
- I'II give you my best time, but leave my father out of it, ok?
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always get you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
- Mission accomplished.
Look what I found.
To be hurt
To feel lost
What's with you?
- I'd take her over olympic gold any time.
- You want the one girl who isn't after you.
- I have to see her.
- You tried, she ignored you.
To be hurt
To feel lost To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
- Hi, son.
- Hi, Dad.
- How was training today?
- Not great.
- You'II bounce back.
Everybody makes mistakes.
- But with Judge Véronneau we might...
- They'II never remove Lessard.
3 judges in 6 months, there are limits.
- Look Dad, this'II get him bumped.
- What's that?
- The witnesses the judge didn't let testify.
There's a Mr Lessard.
I checked.
He's the judge's cousin.
- Did the name-change forms come?
- I got them yesterday.
- Did they offer to change your dad too?
- Yeah, but I said no.
- He went for an english name...
Womeo williams.
It's bullshit. 
Changing his name won't change his father.
(siren whaling)
You're holding back.
Fuck your neutrality.
Embrace your suffering. 
plunge...
Live your drama.
Give me your scars.
- She should use Romeo as inspiration.
- always mocking people, Benoît.
Romeo cries because he's real.
Gimme a break.
Happy doesn't equal dumb.
- Just drop it.
What do you think?
My favorite part of raves is the anticipation.
only a few hours left before we turn on the heat.
Tonight I'II mourn for myself.
You'II drink a colorless liquid, a philter.
RosaIine will be gone from your mind.
- I don't want her gone.
Don't you get it?
- swallow this and come dancing.
We'II keep an eye on you.
- Forget him.
- You talk to him?
- Who?
What is it?
Stop!
- Cut it out. 
What did he say?
- Who?
- I don't know his name.
- I'II tell you.
Romeo, he's Rex Lamontagne's son.
You know, the trial?
The kids blown up by the bikers?
Don't let me catch you with him.
- Romeo.
- I'II talk to him.
- I don't want trouble.
Come on.
- calm down, Étienne.
tell me what's going on.
- Everything's fine, François.
It's late. 
Drive JuIiet home.
Look after her.
- Hey.
- Come on, I'm beat.
- I don't want to go in.
Take me to Laurence's.
- I'II get shit.
- François...
I want to sleep at Laurence's.
- I don't like these games.
He saw us!
- That'II teach him.
He should be asleep.
You resurrected it?
- It's too early to cry victory, but I think that a drop of Japanese magnesium might pick it up.
Come on, kiddo.
Chin up!
Chin up!
Winter's over.
- Do you know the time?
- Yes, but it was François.
He drove me home.
- Your dad was furious.
And so was I.
You can't have two homes at the same time.
It would be too easy.
- Last night was special.
- I know you went to that White ball.
- I didn't want to. 
Étienne insisted.
- Étienne's crazy, he gives me a headache!
It's illegal for you to go.
You could be arrested.
-You're barely 15.
-16.
- Even at 16 it's illegal.
Anything can happen.
Have you heard of the rape drug?
seriously, listen to me!
Some guy puts a few drops in your drink, and you're at his mercy.
You don't remember a thing.
- I remember everything.
- Great.
Your dad will be so reassured!
- You love me too much, Granny.
- I'II never love you too much.
Now, eat.
tell me.
You met a handsome boy?
Don't giggle like a child.
You met one.
- What's your name?
- Angie.
Got any coffee?
Heavy on the sugar.
- I don't have sugar.
- I need... sugar.
To come down.
The trial resumes of biker chief Rex Lamontagne...
- No, that's no good.
I said no Extra.
- Sorry, I'm in a rush.
- I'II take...
- I'm in a rush.
- cancel those two. 
I'II take...
This one here.
- Unfuckin' believable!
- He can wait.
- What did you say?
- What's your problem?
- My problem is I have no patience with losers!
With scratchers.
And ticket checkers.
And with your ugly sIowpoke mug!
- Hey!
- I bet that within two weeks you'II be deciding Lamontagne's fate.
- Nobody knows the future.
But even if you're right,
I don't decide his fate.
The jury does.
What did you learn in law school?
- You hear all the gossip.
- I expect discretion from students interning with me.
Am I mistaken or did you party all night?
I saw you at dawn this morning.
- juliet asked...
- Listen!
You were 12 when you met JuIiet.
She was 9. 
You were kids.
At that age kids pull dumb pranks.
But now you're an adult.
Turning 18 brings responsibilities.
Is that clear?
- Great, Romeo!
That's better!
- Not for me.
- Swim like that, you'II make the finals!
- It was better before.
- I decide that!
You're pulling back.
Charge the wall, tuck and explode.
You know that!
Take a rest.
We'II work on your kick.
- Sure you didn't forget anything?
- Yup.
- What about me?
Have a nice day. 
Say hi to Gran.
Drive carefully!
- You're starting so early!
- I can't believe I have a job!
- Obvious it's your first day.
You're so beautiful.
- I mustn't be late.
- We have time.
Did I ever tell you I Iove you?
It'II be fine.
I know I'm a grouch, but I have some great qualities.
- It's beautiful here.
What do you call the people here?
- Residents. 
certainly not old folks or goIden-agers.
Their bodies are older, but inside they're young.
We created this place so they can enjoy their last years.
Come on.
Get away. 
They're in love.
Don't lean over.
You're showing off your tits.
What a lovely smile.
They're very important here.
I have to warn you about Mr LecIerc.
He can be prickly.
(knocking)
- Yes?
Yes?
Come in!
- hello, sweetie.
Have a seat.
How was your night?
- Not very good.
- Let me introduce my granddaughter, juliet.
juliet Véronneau.
- The judge's daughter.
- She'II be your helper this summer.
Join me in the lab after.
- Sit down.
- Thank you.
Enjoy!
- It's inedible!
The coffee's undrinkable.
- It does look weak.
- Very, very weak.
They've forbidden me milk.
See my toast? 
No butter.
They cut it too!
And my salad dressing!
Soon they'II cut my water.
could I ask a favor?
In the cafeteria they have these little cups of cream...
- Right away.
I slipped my mind away from you I slipped away
I try to stay above my blues
And brave the rain ln the wreckage of my days
You're my only home
Time will come and time will fade
But we'll always be I come to say that I love you
I come to say that I love you
Take me away
Take me away
In the madness of the race
You're my only shore I never feel there's no escape
Since you're in my soul I come to say that I love you
I come to say that I love you
- Do you want something?
Take me away
- We have such fun.
- For sure.
I won't complain.
Let me see that piece.
You scamp! 
I've been looking for it for an hour.
There you go.
- 51'29!" 
- unbelievable!
- Match that in qualifications!
- You'II have it, I swear.
I want to go to Europe!
- Hey!
Look!
- Judge Lessard quit?
- He got the boot!
Thanks to who, do you think?
Your dad's lawyer checked my lead.
I was right.
conflict of interest!
- Gross!
- Romeo?
- What?
- It's your RosaIine.
She's smiling at you!
- So, she's allowed.
- A fourth judge in this mega-triaI.
Unprecedented!
More drama at the bikers' trial.
A fourth judge was named to head the costliest and biggest trial ever of a biker gang.
He is Judge Paul Véronneau.
Judge Véronneau replaces...
- You didn't accept!
- Sure, why?
- You accepted...
- "Judge Véronneau, last hope for a trial in shambles!"
No more scandals.
No one's straighter than Véronneau.
- The trial will run longer than we'd Iike.
- Maybe.
Just so it ends with an acquittal.
Know what they call Véronneau?
Mr "Absence of Proof" .
Mr "reasonable Doubt".
- The best of all possible worlds.
- You seem well informed.
- It's common knowledge.
Judges are as rich as suItans, biker chiefs are treated like Saudi princes.
And we, hybrid artists and demi-gods, live off the surplus.
- Where do you steal the money you live on?
My head is spinning
- How much longer, Counsel?
- That's it for me.
- Does the Crown have anything to add?
- In 20 years' marriage, your husband never lost his temper?
- Never.
- A model husband!
- A good father.
- Without getting violent, is it possible your husband, after a hard day at work, ever showed signs of irritation?
- We never discussed his work.
- But you knew what he did?
- I had a hunch.
- Answer the question!
- My husband was a businessman.
He came for supper and helped our son do homework.
- For you, the head of a gang is a businessman?
- My husband wasn't head of a gang, he was head of a family.
- Why did you separate?
- Objection!
- We didn't.
- Why the imperfect, "he was"?
- please...
- I never said he was perfect or imperfect, just a good husband.
And a good father.
- I say those Mafia hoods should be sent to Siberia, not LecIerc Prison!
Like the rest of society's perverts.
- What?
- How much do us taxpayers dish out for sterile debates about gay marriage?
Sorry, but it's unnatural.
It makes me puke.
At least I say out loud what you think, you future puppets of the Bar.
The day we can finally admit our hatred for the stinking bums.
- The stinking bums?
things'II get better.
- You done?
- Oh boy! 
Contempt of court!
I'II never be done, Dad.
Because your kind are paid richly to keep peace among the scum.
And we get our values from you.
- If I encouraged you to throw away your future, I apologize.
- Don't start!
- should I admire your politics?
You can't keep a job.
Even the army turfed you.
And you have the gall to say you inherited my values?
- calm down, it's past midnight.
- You think it's my fault your mom left.
She wasn't happy here.
- Cut it out!
Why'd you send me off to France as soon as I'd made friends?
- What about the pals you made there?
- As soon as I settled in, you two changed your minds.
My life was on standby while you two fought it out.
You never should've had me.
- No, we shouldn't have!
- You should've bought a jet to ferry me back and forth.
- I can understand, sir.
I was sent abroad to Iearn english and came back a mess.
- Your mother and I never let you sleep in the Iock-up.
We should've left you with the thugs!
- Things are rough for him.
- Butt out!
This is a summons.
You were filmed at the 7-1 1 .
The lottery ticket guy, know who he is? 
A notary!
Know how much he sued for?
- Ok, I'II take care of it.
- It's all been done.
Your stupid dad bankroIIed you again!
- I'II pay you back.
- I've had it with you!
Beat it!
- I'II pay you back!
- It's not easy for your dad.
Or for you. 
I know.
- I can never tell whose side you're on.
- I'm on yours.
- I can't anymore!
- It's Dr Wong.
- Your Chinese lover?
- Yes, my lover, if you Iike.
My inspiration.
I thought he'd forgotten me.
He says he wants to come back and work with me.
It's just a pretext.
At his age he's thinking about the end.
He'd Iike to be here with me.
This place you know so well, your childhood island...
It was a gift.
Dr Wong bought it out of love.
Eh...
He's been lurking for 3 days.
- Did you finally talk to her?
- I've been trying to for two weeks.
- You expect her to read into your silence.
Romeo...
Each time you faII for a girl, you speak in silence.
- No, Louki.
She's not Iike the others.
You should understand.
You're always on about the sacred.
She's like your painting.
She's a work of art.
She hears me when I speak.
- lf you declare your love to a person who's absent, the person will never guess.
If you knew how often I've spoken to you in silence.
But I never get the sense you hear me.
- juliet?
- Yes.
- will you get the tray?
Take it to the kitchen, it's almost 5.
I came to say goodnight.
How are you?
- terrible. 
I won't sleep a wink.
- You were fine this morning.
- My nerves are shot.
- I'd stay, but I can't.
It's her birthday.
- New lipstick, earrings, makeup...
Is Dr Wong around?
- If you talk like that, you must be fine.
See you tomorrow.
- On top of that, the legal system is making a fool of itself.
Walk through the open door
Like an angel from a jewelry store
Just the kind that you love to touch
Love to love to very much I want to take you to the galaxy ln the morning you belong to me
Oh please please one more touch I love you love you very much
My sweet love
Hold me forever
My sweet love
Hold me forever
Stroll past
Like a flower in a China shop
Just the kind you love to touch I love to love to very much
Want to take you to the galaxy ln the morning you belong to me
Oh please please
One more touch I love you love you very much
My sweet love
Hold me forever
My sweet love
(in unison): 
Ma chère Juliette c'est à ton tour de te laisser parler d'amour
- JuIiette?
My sweet love
Hold me forever
My sweet love
Hold me forever
- Who tipped them off?
You said it was Pit.
Pit Ladouceur?
How did he know?
You say he asked What's-It.
Who's What's-It?
- MaIouin.
- What you're saying is,
MaIouin knew that Pit passed down orders.
Answer!
- I never said that.
- We heard you.
- Pit couldn't read Rex's mind.
TG couldn't ask clueless what WiIIie told PIouk to say to What's-It in secret.
- Excuse me.
This is from Étienne Véronneau.
- Étienne?
For Dad, the best judge on the planet
(sighing)
- I told you, you must never
leave these doors open.
When you leave, you must always lock this cabinet.
Open the drawer, please.
Put the key back in its place.
alright?
I'm warning you.
If I see your young man
Iurking here again,
I'II call security.
- Go see him.
Ask if it's true. 
I have to know.
I haven't slept in two days.
When I shut my eyes, my mind floods with light.
- Poor darling!
Such suffering.
juliet sent me.
personally, I'd have you arrested for trespassing on private property.
- Her message?
- When and where can she see you?
- It's not true!
- But I said it is.
I warn you, if anything happens...
- tell her I'II be at the nationals,
Fioraventi Arena, Saturday at 8.
Don't be late!
(whistle blowing)
(starting signal)
- What false start?
They want to eliminate him!
Goddamn Federation!
Romeo! 
relax!
- lt's not about my having kids.
- But when you do...
-Véronneau is a human being.
- When you're human, and a father, how can you be so detached...
- First, he knows...
-...so cold?
- He knows what his job is.
And as a good father...
I've known his kids for years.
Étienne, the oldest.
And Juliet, an angel...
We're not here to talk about them.
How does he stay so detached?
It's his job.
If Véronneau became emotional in court...
- But answer my...
- We're in a crisis!
On your marks!
- Stretch out!
Come on.
- Yes!
- Romeo!
Romeo...
juliet... she's paul Véronneau's daughter.
- No...
- Yes.
- Romeo?
Romeo?
(music)
(music)
- If Dad knew you're...
- My name is Romeo williams.
It's like I was never a Lamontagne.
- But your real name...
- It is my real name.
- If my brother Étienne knew I'm here, you'd be dead.
Then sweeten with...
- It's a matter of time.
- No, juliet.
Time belongs to us.
We have the whole day.
You're dazzling!
(Romeo):
What if we left, right now, just like that?
And went.
- Went where?
- Straight ahead.
You're so beautiful.
- And the championship?
- l met a girl and I can't focus.
- lf you could tell her just one thing, what would it be?
- l wouldn't know where to start.
- Just one sentence.
- Just one sentence?
It would be too long.
- A short one.
One word.
No, don't say anything.
Don't promise her anything.
Don't worry her.
Let her dream.
This is my hiding place, a magic spot.
No one else knows about it.
Not my brother or father.
Not even Laurence.
Just you.
(panting)
(whispering)
Turn up the record barely I won't let you sit lonely
Play the second note gently
Before the first disappears lnsomniac trends
The night never ends
Sweep the dimes off the bookshelves
Pull the shades down too
Go out to the desert
Abandon it all lnsomniac trends
The night never ends
Turn the record barely I won't let you sit lonely
Pull the shades down slowly
Before the light reappears
The night never ends
Romeo!
...
Come here!
(panting)
...the funeral of 5 year-old Alex Gagné.
He is the latest victim in the bloody war being waged by rival criminal gangs.
Eight children have died so far...
- Society is rotten to the core.
- Why the obsession with scum?
- We're financing a system that protects crooks, and encourages people to stay on welfare.
You pay taxes.
- Oh, I pay.
I have no choice.
I work for the tax department.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- What's the difference?
- A guy likes to know he's living out his fantasy.
- Next time call before you come by.
She's working, you understand.
She'II be with patients all day.
- It's important.
- It won't get you anywhere.
- You know how I feel about her.
But it's as if no one trusts me.
What have I done?
- Nothing, François.
We can't understand everything.
Love can happen to anyone.
Love means suffering.
Go home now.
Now's not the time, you see that.
- The holy altar.
That feels so good!
Do you know this Dr Wong, your grandma's friend?
- No.
Never met him.
I think she's in love with him.
- That's enough.
We'II continue tomorrow.
- Okay.
Hi. 
Do you travel or can you host?
Can we make a date?
Biker trial:
Another day, another $500,000.
Erotic intelligence is what turns me on.
I'm more a generator of fantasies.
violence doesn't scare me.
- Did you call your coach back?
- Shit! 
Shit! 
Shit!
- I'm into submission.
My breathing is in your hands, you control it.
well, if you ever change your mind.
- You were late four times this week!
Last night you didn't even show.
Or call!
Your dad should've booted your ass more often.
Listen up!
- At the tax department I saw a form from the Registrar official.
The name of our little Romeo williams is really
Romeo Lamontagne.
- Rex Lamontagne's son.
- juliet?
- Now that I know where he lives, he's my pet project.
So, François, shut your trap, ok?
- What is it?
- Nothing.
- If it's François, you can tell me.
- No. 
Why do you always bring up François?
- I am here.
I'm not often free.
But you're my priority.
- I'm not a case.
Listen, and don't interrupt.
You're involved in an impossible case.
I beg you, step down.
- Do you realize what you're asking?
If I resign, it wouId lead to a mistrial.
My job isn't to play the referee between warring criminal gangs.
My job is to console the mothers and ensure that more children won't die in vain.
- Let the jury note that since you replaced Judge Lessard, you've rejected much evidence.
- If you want a fair trial for your client, ignore this hearsay.
- You're manipulating the jurors.
- You're crossing the line.
- You allow a perjurer to testify!
- Keep this up and I'II cite you.
- Haven't you had enough?
Three days of this?
You argue stuff that only you can understand.
Who cares about legal details?
Do you have kids?
- please!
- I don't, not anymore.
I had one, just one.
And now he's gone.
will your points of order give me back my boy?
- This isn't the time.
- My baby!
I'm talking about my baby, killed by the bikers!
You wasted three days on legal jargon...
- Madam, this isn't the place...
- You owe me my baby!
Do I have to fill out a form to get him back?
I want my baby back!
- The hearing is suspended.
- What is it, sweetheart?
Do you have a secret to share?
tell me.
- Romeo's no criminal.
His dad's accused of killing kids, and Romeo is judged.
You know Romeo's not a hood.
On top of that,
Romeo's dad is being judged by mine.
- Don't worry.
You'II survive, my dear.
- How?
tell me how.
How did he survive, your lover, the Chinese doctor?
How does anyone survive?
How will I survive?
help me.
- help me!
- Of course, sweetie.
- help me!
- Of course I'II help you.
Don't cry, treasure. 
Don't cry.
I beg you!
I'II help you, dearest.
Have faith, sweetheart.
I beg you.
- Laurence?
- I know you're busy but...
- What's wrong?
- The poor girl is exhausted.
She needs a vacation.
- I know, she's so different lately.
I thought it was François.
- No, not that.
- Then is it me?
I'm never around.
Maybe she's missing her mother.
- Yes, you're right.
That might be it.
Yes, that's the solution.
- What, send her to her mom in France?
- Why not? 
It's a very good idea.
- Laurence?
Have you been hiding something from me?
- No, why?
- Who is this? 
This photo?
- You scared me!
- Do you know him?
- A charming boy.
A future champion swimmer.
- Her boyfriend?
What's his name?
- I can ask around.
- No! 
Don't!
You knew!
- juliet's father found out.
You must leave.
Your romance has social and political repercussions.
The public won't stand for another resignation.
Pack up. 
You leave tomorrow for Paris. 
Your mother knows.
Are you listening?
I'II drive you to the airport.
I told your father. 
He agreed.
- My father will deal with Rex Lamontagne.
I'II deal with his son.
- We're just going to wait?
- It'II take the time it takes.
- You didn't come last week.
- I know.
There's lots happening.
I'm going to Europe for a meet.
- congratulations!
I'm proud of you.
- And I have... personal reasons.
- personal?
Is she as pretty as your mom?
Your mom and I had a great passion.
And passions often end badly.
I didn't always treat her right.
If you're in jail, it's because you failed.
No point whining.
But I'm glad that you and I...
- Dad, you could've beaten me, I'd still love you.
- I have no more room!
- Take these anyway.
- wool? 
It's summer!
- That's it, sweetheart.
Vent on me if it helps.
(doorbeII) 
- It's him!
- I wanted...
I wanted to wish you a good trip again.
And...
I wanted to give you this puzzle.
It's in 1000 pieces.
If ever... if you want to make it again...
- Maybe he's at Laurence's.
- I've seen that guy before.
The fag from the rave.
Fuck!
There, they've finished their pervert stuff.
- Don't flip, but I think he's hitting on you.
Étienne Véronneau.
What's he doing?
- If it's obedience you want, I'm your boy.
- You like that?
- Yes...
I need to be disciplined.
- You disgust me.
- Then prove it.
I Iove it.
kill me.
kill me.
(engine starting)
- Louki?
- There he is, Romeo william!
- What's going on?
- I don't want trouble.
- It's ok, Romeo.
- Louki!
- Think I'II let you leave, and with my sister?
Romeo Lamontagne!
Your name's Lamontagne!
- Louki!
- You're fucking sick!
Romeo, don't be an idiot!
Romeo, he's her brother!
You killed her brother!
You killed her brother!
Beat it.
Don't stay here, scram!
Run away, Romeo! 
Run!
Go!
Go!
- He'II be here any minute.
- No, you don't get it!
(doorbeII)
- Romeo's not coming.
- Just tell us.
Where's your pal Romeo?
- I have no idea where he is.
He panicked.
It was seIf-defense.
He panicked.
He panicked.
Véronneau dismissed
Then sweeten with
Then sweeten with thy breath
This neighbour air and let rich music tongue
Unfold the imagined
Happiness that both receive in either by this dear encounter
Receive in either by this dear encounter
Ah Juliet Juliet Juliet in the measure of thy joy
Then sweeten with
Then sweeten with thy breath
This neighbour air and let rich music tongue
But my true love is grown to such excess I cannot sum up sum of half my wealth
- Louki!
I wanted to see you because... they found Romeo's car.
They pulled it out of the river.
They say that with the current,
the chances of finding Romeo's body are nil.
- No...
No!
No!
No! 
No!
- juliet.
juliet... 
juliet.
(Hebrew song)
- juliet?
juliet?
juliet?
Therefore
You are
Unwanted
- Did she leave you a note?
- No, Paul.
- Find her!
- Ah!
- juliet...
juliet!
juliet!
juliet!
juliet!
juliet!
- l am alive, alas.
I can bear witness to this terrible story I was part of.
The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head.
A glooming peace this morning with it brings.
For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.
Then sweeten with
Then sweeten with thy breath
This neighbour air and let rich music tongue
Unfold the imagined happiness
That both receive in either by this dear encounter
Receive in either by this dear encounter.
Ah Juliet Juliet Juliet in the measure of thy joy
Then sweeten with
Then sweeten with thy breath
This neighbour air and let rich music tongue
But my true love is grown to such excess I cannot sum up sum of half my wealth
subtitles: 
Robert Gray, Kinograph
DVD subtitling: 
CNST, montreal

My name is Luis Costa, 43 years old, single,
I belong to the Costa dynasty, including:
my mother, Geneviève, and my 5 sisters, ...Carole, ...Marie, ...Catherine, ...Axelle, ...and Maxine, the cadet.
- Leave us alone !
My 12 nieces: 
Inès, ...Clémence, Mélanie, Eva, Vanessa, Lou-Anne, ...Alice, Pénélope, Lucille, Aurore, Manon and Simone.
- This name sucks.
For the men, my 4 brother-in-laws known as "The boys" and my father, Hercules (my grand-mother loved the greek mythology).
- Hercules.
- Yes.
So... 
Cacolac, who is it?
He was a great fan of Luis Mariano and a real Republican.
At home, he created the "G7".
We made all the big decisions for the family.
- I drank it only once.
- Who wants more Cacolac?
Consensus of opinion.
One day, suddenly, dad died.
Since that day, everything changed.
A motion proposed to the G7 is to forbidden to pee still with a view to avoiding the drops everywhere.
- Who's for?
- Yes !
The democracy had been ridiculed.
I was 21 years old and I was crazy in love with Sandrine Bourrague.
It was my Abba period.
Or Cure...
No, Abba!
No, Cure. 
Anyways, we decided to live together.
- Why do they want to see me?
- They want to meet you.
- "I want to be an artist."
That is to say?
- It sounds like lazy.
- Catherine !
your parents too are artists, ...Miss Boutargue?
- Bourrague.
- Where does it come from Boutargue?
- From Marseilles, I think !
- No, from Dijon.
Bourrague, it's easy to memorize !
- Sandrine, wait !
- Thanks for defending me, get out of my way !
- You suck !
- Sandrine !
Anyways, I think that if I want... if I want, at 21 years old to see who I want to see !
- Pipou, you weren't going to marry her.
- I know this kind of woman.
- What?
- In 15 years, it's hair band, folded skirt and a yellow labrador.
- And with many children, ...Imagine Pipou !
At the grocery.
- With her belly.
- You'll never see me again.
- Pipou...
- Dare !
- It stinks pussy here !
I decided to flee to go and live adventure.
But not that night, it was kind of chilly outside.
Sandrine left me, I couldn't make her stay.
Her smell became an obsession.
But my chemistry classes allow me to find that it needed 17 different smells to recreate the one of my beloved.
It was surprising but Sandrine was also made of banana.
I discovered my profession.
I became "nose".
I create perfumes.
It smells too much parquet floor.
We call it like this, a "nose".
My name is Luis Costa, 43 years old, single.
And i'm very well, very well.
- Pierre-Yves, you pay the coffee?
- Francis pay his round.
- The same, everytime.
- Everyone bow low, laborious lab assistants !
Make way for Luis Costa, the man who created "Tahar" !
This is big stuff !
This is much money !
In my arms, my Luis !
In my arms, oh...
Ah...
Oh, this nose !
The cornerstone of this company.
Come and kiss this nose whom you owe everything.
Bisous on the nose !
Charlotte.
Christiane, Martine.
Men too.
Powerful, slenderness, sensitiveness...
without forgetting his warrior side, ...where does it come from this noble name: "Tahar" !
- You want something?
Oh... it's new, this one?
- Asshole !
- A gift from my ex-wife.
- Asshole !
- It pronounces it well.
So?
- They don't want "Tahar" anymore.
- What? 
The day before, they said it was marvellous.
- The wife of Neiko's director thinks that it stinks.
- It stinks?
That is to say?
- Something's missing.
There are 3 labs in competition, including us.
We lost 3 months cause of a bitch who says it stinks.
We worked 2 years,
- We can use this work for something else...
- For what?
A bathroom doedorant?
All my money for a bathroom doedorant?
No, no, no !
Luis, work harder on "Tahar".
Find the idea...
- I'm exhausted.
I worked 12 months on it without any break.
I can't do anything more.
- 15,000 euros of bonus.
- It's not that.
I can't bear "Tahar" anymore.
That's it...
It's not my fault...
- Everyone goes home !
It's over, we're closed !
You're going to earn the unemployment benefit !
M. Luis Costa decided to close this company !
Get yourself out of this shit !
Damn about !
- 15,000 euros, It's a good bonus.
Why don't you want it?
- Ah !
Did you spend 12 months working without any break for a perfume?
I can't smell anymore.
- Are you okay?
- Are you okay, Annick?
-What will you have?
- I'll have a mozzarella tomatoe and some chicken.
- I'm not hungry.
We'll share.
I forgot my meal tickets.
- I'm inviting you.
- I'll have the same thing and a poached pear.
And some bread.
You're really pretty today.
- I'm trying some wedding haircuts.
- Ah... we didn't know.
Congratulations.
- Thanks.
- This is your "cam".
- Ah, yes.
Brown-haired girls.
- When was the last time you...
- It's been 1 month, exactly 2 years and 1 month.
It's hardly conceivable for Mister "I chase all the girls".
- Do you have a tampon?
- I was about to ask if you had one.
- Could it be possible to change sometimes...
- For the tomatoes gratin...
We eat this every sunday...
- Bernard.
- It's Gérard.
- Gérard, it was the favourite course of Hercules for family's meals.
It's a duty of memory.
- Maybe something else for a change.
- As long as Hercules is dead, we don't change it.
Lunch is served !
- Marie, where did you put my ironed laundry?
- I want to say:
In your ass !
It's not written "maidservant" here.
- Easy.
- No !
Not easy !
I'm sick of taking care of all your shit !
At home, the other one does nothing at all.
You're totally assisted.
- I help.
- We're talking about Luis.
We are all here to fix everything for Pipou.
Grocery, ironing, meals.
May he grow up a little bit !
- Call him otherwise.
- Maxine, take care of your own business.
You're too young.
- She's right.
I'm not your wife, I'm your sister.
- We are not your wives.
- You're 44, it's time to find a wife who'll take care of all of this.
- I'm 43 and why are you getting upset?
- When someone's 43, he can do his own laundry, ...his rent, his shits.
I mean all his life ! 
I'm 40 and it's as if i was the mother of everyone !
I'm dead tired !
Me, it's...
Over out, now.
- I'm sick of incompetents !
- Luis is doing what he can...
- Ah... 
I was talking about you.
- Luis can't have a wife, he's too immature.
-You know nothing, you're not even 20.
- I know more than you who are 44 !
- 43 !
- It's the same.
- Oh, stop !
- "In your ass" !
- Marie explained herself with her heart, ...but she's right.
We don't have to take care of you anymore.
It's the duty of a wife.
Of your wife.
Special meeting of the G7 !
"The boys", ...clear away.
Issue of the day...
- What woman?
- Luis' wedding, who's for it?
- You bet !
- What?
- Agreed!
There, you go.
- And did you see Gaël in London?
- No.
- Is he alright?
- I didn't see him !
Why should I see him?
It's over.
- You might find a boyfriend here.
Stay as long as you want...
- I like to be alone.
When I see they types of men..
Your fridge is always empty !
- Turn the faucet off firmly in the bathroom.
There's a leak because the pipe joint is broken.
At the end of the year, it's 100 euros spent on the sink.
- A joint costs only 3 euros.
- Hmm yeah... you've grown a little bit more, no?
- Yes, of course.
In dad's view, out of the region of Bordeaux, everyone is savage people.
Imagine London ! 
For him, I'm a "punk junky".
- So... how's work?
- Well...
MGM, during the '50s, was one of the biggest studios around.
They weren't looking for a B picture with this.
They wanted this to be the first science-fiction A film.
At MGM, you're talking about the crown jewel Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, the studio departments were in full steam still, and you look at the polish and shine in those pictures.
And this picture had that MGM you know, magic.
This was new for MGM.
They had done fantasy films, certainly.
The Wizard of Oz, their biggie.
And they had done other fantasy films and horror films, to a degree, but nothing space-oriented.
Cyril Hume was the actual screenwriter of Forbidden Planet.
But Adler and Irving Block both got co-credit because they actually came up with the story.
They modeled a great deal of the film on The Tempest which was à la Shakespeare.
The Tempest involves a man named Prospero.
Perhaps the most powerful magician in the world.
But also had a blind spot.
He was filled with ego.
His evil brother exiled him to a Mediterranean island where he remained, with his daughter, for 12 years.
And then a ship coming and finding them and she falls in love with one of the men on the ship.
So you have definite parallels.
The Tempest asks one fundamental question:
If you had the power of a god, and you had your enemies right here what would you do with them?
It was a pretty good adaptation of the play.
And it bears scrutiny as an oddball Shakespeare picture.
There've been so many Shakespearean adaptations and translations and reinterpretations and to do a science-fiction take or an outer-space take on The Tempest is a particularly smart idea.
Well, there's a serious undertone to the film that was simply missing from other science-fiction films of the period and I think the key factor is that the characters believe their roles.
- Father.
- Alta.
We all, as actors, made it a point, from the very beginning to take the story seriously and to play it for real.
This film was not a kid picture although it certainly had elements that kids adored. 
It was far deeper than that.
Fred Wilcox, who was the director discussed the film with everybody working on it and he said, "This is a serious film, and treat it like that."
Knock that off, Quinn.
It is interesting for today's audiences to see Leslie Nielsen in a straight dramatic, even romantic, lead role.
I was a stalwart, disciplined, obviously, strong leading man who was dealing with this girl who did not know what her endowments actually were.
Ha, ha. 
And I did.
Come on in.
Didn't bring my bathing suit.
What's a bathing suit?
Altaira was the perfect virgin, and the commander was the perfect hero on the white horse.
Anne Francis is sporting, and sporting it very well, miniskirts-..
...and this was before miniskirts came in, which was the 1960s.
So once again it...
We're looking into the future, right?
It's very much a '50s picture.
I mean, you know the wonderful Anne Francis swimming in that naked suit she's wearing. 
Ha, ha.
But at the same time, it's dealing with very real issues.
I suppose one day I shall be obliged to make the trip to Earth with her for the sake of her natural development.
I should say fairly soon too.
Altaira has to go through an odd little arc.
She has to not like Adams then fall in love with him.
She has to love her father then begin to mistrust her father and choose Adams over her father.
That alone makes it a masterpiece of space opera.
You'll find the silver in the dining room and my daughter's jewelry on her table.
Walter Pidgeon, at the time, was one of MGM's stars.
He had a great voice.
He had a great look about him.
Nobody could've played Morbius like he did.
Pidgeon gave the picture this feel of seriousness that it was taking itself seriously, while at the same time having fun.
Now, right here is where I do my quick dissolve into a beard and a space suit before I introduce you to Robby the Robot.
Everybody knows who Robby the Robot is.
He was probably the most unique robot ever created for a movie.
I remember that first day.
The crew just stood around and looked at it and wondered, "What the hell is this gonna do?" Ha-ha-ha.
You are a robot, aren't you?
That is correct, sir.
He said, "We've got the star of this movie."
What was great about Robby is when he was just standing there doing nothing, he stole the show.
Robby was totally acceptable immediately and also added so tremendously to the believability of everything that you were watching and seeing.
Robots before Forbidden Planet had been of the somewhat clunky variety, where you've got, basically three metal blocks with a head.
Robby could have gone that way. 
There were early drawings that could have taken him in that direction.
But the art directors and the people involved really wanted to make him unique.
I designed it so that he can do practically anything.
And especially emphasized, uh, his strength and all you know, being a mechanical thing.
You could see where his joints worked.
You could see he had gyroscopes inside of his dome, going around, to keep him upright.
There was all kinds of stuff that could easily be thought of as being real technology.
That was the big difference between Robby and every movie robot before that.
Robby looked like he might work.
The idea that you would have a robot who would be a friend instead of an enemy certainly was a novel one.
This, again, comes from respect for the genre.
The character of Robby the Robot follows all of the basic laws of robotics.
Turn around here.
Asimov's Three Laws of robotics start off:
One, the robot cannot harm a human being.
Fire.
Two, a robot must obey all orders except where they would conflict with the First Law.
- Would 60 gallons be sufficient?
- Gallons?
And the Third Law is a robot must protect its own existence except where it would be interfering with the First or Second Laws.
Order canceled.
And clearly, the people who wrote Forbidden Planet were aware of these laws.
When MGM made Forbidden Planet they were smart because they went to Caltech to get a lot of the science for it and so it was very state-of-the-art of the time.
They thought if they were gonna do a science-fiction film they had to do it big.
So the Art Department and the Special Effects Department they did a little more than they were supposed to do in putting this thing together.
Cedric Gibbons, the head of all the art directors at the studio he left Arthur Lonergan alone to be the art director on the film and Lonergan really grabbed a hold of it and said this is a great opportunity to make something really cool.
One of the things that he did was he actually had sets built that were way bigger than what they had in the budget and was able to get them about half built before the Budget Department came down on him.
So they built all these really elaborate sets and had to finish them because they were half done.
They threw major resources behind the film.
They had built this spaceship and it came down like a giant mushroom with this pillar down the center and it had to be 40 or 50 feet across, up at the top.
When we, as actors, first walked in, and they showed us the flying saucer and everything around us we were extremely impressed by it.
Loved it. 
Loved it.
Hey, what's this dust coming?
They had the entire stage with a big 350-foot cyclorama down at one end and when you stood at the other end the sense of depth and perspective was incredible.
They knew that audiences had never seen anything presented quite like this.
Not at this scale. 
Not in a movie.
The effects were handled by Arnold Gillespie.
He'd done Wizard of Oz, a lot of other films.
It was great. 
He wasn't a technician doing effects, he was an artist.
That flying saucer was the best spaceship really until 2001, many years later.
It's an incredibly clear and crisp and sharp and indelible image.
All the effects were done with really tried-and-true methods developed since the dawn of cinema.
It was all matte paintings and miniatures and animation.
There wasn't anything startling in terms of new technology but it was a very creative use of it.
And I think that film was a touchstone for the concept that the effects weren't the attraction.
The effects were in support of the story.
My favorite scene, and possibly the favorite scene of everybody who had read science fiction, is the world of the Krell.
One of the brilliant things of the story is not showing you the Krell at all.
You got the feeling of the Krell.
They show you their doorway so evidently they were very, very wide, but not real tall.
You don't know if they're insect people or what they are.
This is just one of their laboratories.
It's quite smart not to show them, and these hints are all very evocative.
Now, you can see that this headset was designed for something much bulkier than my human cranium.
When Pidgeon's showing the mind thing, you can see how big these heads were.
But you never got to see an image of them, which I thought was great because my own mind created this pretty weird-looking thing.
The Krell underground, at one point, they go through this big shaft which is really interesting.
It looks bottomless.
It's an attempt to show science that's beyond anything we can imagine.
Since Fritz Lang's Metropolis, nobody had ever attempted scale in science fiction before. 
And that kind of scale was simply boggling.
Then you get to see these amazing miniature sets with little tiny people walking through these just vast networks of machinery that is still alive.
They built a model of this sort of shaft. 
See, we shot horizontally with the camera probably on its side.
They had them going from one end of the stage which was the largest stage on the MGM lot down to the very end on the other side.
It's as long as a football field.
They put that tremendous matte shot on it afterwards.
That was what impressed me most in the picture.
There's a moment when they're walking inside the planet and Walter Pidgeon points and he says:
Seventy-eight hundred levels.
It really is awesome.
Wow.
It was just huge.
It was this huge underground place.
You almost... 
Looking back, it's almost like the inverse of the Death Star.
They go into another area and it looks like super hydroelectric power.
It's science fiction and it's futuristic, but it's got that technology of the '50s creeping in.
It gave you a sense of the power and the scope of what the aliens had created.
Yes, a single machine.
A cube 20 miles on each side.
The idea of the Krell reaching a level of sophistication and technological accomplishment where their thoughts become real they're instantly realized, and of course they destroyed themselves.
Ninety-two hundred thermonuclear reactors in tandem.
The harnessed power of an exploding planetary system.
In that respect, you could say it has political overtones because everybody was very concerned in those days about nuclear weaponry.
To think that that entire race is gone, that civilization is gone is very poignant, and adds a real melancholy to the entire film.
All of these little details go to make up good science fiction whether it's written science fiction or filmed science fiction.
So when they came to making each decision, they made the right one all the way up to even the music and how to do the music.
Louis and Bebe Barron created a soundtrack that was like no other soundtrack that had ever existed before and they invented electronic music that you know today.
There were not even half a dozen people who were doing electronic music at that point.
And there wasn't any commercial equipment so Louis had to build everything.
They had a lot of oscillators, electronic circuits which generate tones and tonalities. 
It's the precursor to the music synthesizer.
They were kids with these pieces of equipment and good Lord, I mean, it's a classic, classic score.
The thought was they were going to do what amounted to sound effects and somebody else would do the score overall.
It took us about eight months to just do the raw sounds of Forbidden Planet.
Believe it or not they loved what we came up with and gave us the whole film to score.
The fact that a major studio would make the decision on their big spectacle science-fiction movie to put this weird music you can't realize what that was like in the '50s.
It was difficult. 
Ha-ha-ha.
It was a very hard way to make music.
It took us forever to do anything.
It was sort of like an impromptu work, because they had so many loops going they had vacuum tubes.
It was a truly experimental score and I've heard nothing like it in any movie.
Certainly, the strongest part of the movie for me is the sounds of the id monster.
It was terrifying to hear that when I was a child.
Your imagination was fuelled by the sound of that creature.
- Joe.
- What?
- Do you hear something?
- Like what?
Like a son of big breathing.
When you hear those, boom, boom, starting with the id and stuff, man, it was chilling.
I mean, people shivered in fright and people would come up and say to us, "Your music for the id...
"...sounds just like dreams that I have all the time."
And it was like their subconscious.
So that's, of course, what we liked best to hear:
"You're expressing our subconscious."
The genius of the score is the fact that the score plays as music and sound effects at the same time.
And they carry a mood and tone every bit as much as if it was a full orchestra.
Unfortunately, we had to contend with the musicians' union.
This was the only feature film released from a studio that had a score that involved no musicians.
Since they weren't using traditional instruments, they couldn't take the credit of being musicians.
So they made them take a credit of electronic tonalities. 
It prevented them from being even nominated for an Academy Award.
The one thing that kids really wanted from their space movies in the '50s was they wanted monsters.
Forbidden Planet used one of the techniques that really accomplished horror filmmakers and horror writers do-..
...which is you don't show all of the monster.
You let people's imaginations fill it in.
Here's this invisible monster sneaking up to the ship you see the footprints down in the sands. 
It was unbelievable.
When you saw the stairway that went up to go into the spaceship and all of a sudden you saw the stair going:
Dreadful fellow. 
Ha-ha-ha.
The brilliance of Forbidden Planet is this whole idea of the Freudian monster, the monster from the id which was a really cool, weird idea at the time.
It's still one of the best science-fiction ideas ever.
Freud's theories on psychology was that there was an id that was between the ego and the superego.
And the id was where all of our primitive side resided.
You're talking about Freud meeting outer space.
So you had the character portrayed by Walter Pidgeon you know, who doesn't even realize that he's doing this.
Made you wonder, who is the villain in this story?
And where was all of this coming from?
Nice and creepy.
The monster from the id wasn't intended to be something that you saw but they realized somewhere during the shooting... .-.that they really needed to see something.
Activate main batteries.
MGM said, "Look, we're going for terror.
This thing has got to be a nightmare.
It's gotta be all the things that a good character has.
It's gotta be mobile...
"...it's gotta be scary, it's gotta look menacing."
They went through concepts of what it could look like.
Some were almost comical to something really kind of gruesome, like a worm-looking thing.
It was kind of hideous.
The creepiest one is, since it's Walter Pidgeon it's Walter Pidgeon's head on this two-legged biped thing.
Really hideous-looking. 
I mean, that would have scared people, I think.
There was worries about how to do the id monster.
Do it with some son of stop-motion system like a Ray Harryhausen thing, and I think that may have looked too solid.
But they went with an animation approach.
MGM had an Optical Department, had a Matte Department had a Special Effects Department.
The only thing they didn't have at that time was an Effects Animation Department.
So MGM called up Walt Disney Studios and asked if they could borrow Josh Meador, who was an animator.
He was like their premier animator at Disney Studios.
In Fantasia, he came up with most of the really great concepts.
The dinosaur fights and stuff like that.
He was great at doing, like, lava flows.
I mean, the guy was probably one of their best animators.
Well, Josh Meador not only did, of course, the id monster but he also did, like, the beam that you see coming off the flying saucer as it's landing.
Robby shorting out when you see the electrical arcing across his head and all that stuff, and the ray-gun blasts.
All of that sort of work.
When they were doing the id drawings, he gave me a bunch of them and they're like CinemaScope proportion but they're in pencil, and I said, "Well, where are the cels?"
And he said they didn't really do cels this time.
But he said they just took that, they shot it on a high-con film reversed the polarity, did it in negative, and then it was sort of a red tint that went to it and yellow eyes and it was really pretty neat.
And by shooting them in reverse you could see through it, which is kind of cool.
As far as I know, it might be one of the first times they didn't actually use cel animation.
Fire!
Skipper, the blasted thing's invisible.
And that you only see the monster from the id in the outline of their laser gun, the way that's done, it's fabulous.
It's got those massive shoulders up there that make it look enormous and powerful. 
And the head below coming right at you as opposed to the head above, and it's got this great mouth with the teeth and the eyes.
And it was really scary.
I remember hiding behind the seat in our car.
We were watching that movie at the drive-in.
I had grown up seeing all the old films on television, and I knew that Dracula was just a guy in a cape.
And I knew that Frankenstein was just a guy in funny makeup.
But the monster from the id, in Forbidden Planet was not a guy in funny makeup.
And it scared the bejesus out of me.
When this film was released in 1956, Forbidden Planet was one of those flukes that didn't make it the first time but over the years got its audience.
Forbidden Planet really was the movie. 
It really is heads above every other science-fiction film that was made in that era.
And I think influenced everything after that.
Everybody knew what written science fiction could show you but nobody until Forbidden Planet, I think, had seen what filmed science fiction could really do.
Forbidden Planet could very easily have been a pilot film for Star Trek.
I had met with Gene Roddenberry a couple times and he had mentioned that Forbidden Planet was what he wanted to do.
He wanted to take that and make it into a TV series.
Even Star Wars can be attributed to Forbidden Planet.
R2D2 is sort of a Robby the Robot kind of character and in Star Wars they talk about your common blasters...
Fire.
...which is right out of Forbidden Planet.
And the way that Princess Leia appears it's exactly the way Anne Francis appears.
The stuff that they proposed has sort of come into being now.
Like where they had these little communicators with the video cameras on them.
It was some pretty advanced ideas.
I can play back every scene, every frame, practically in my head, from every shot in it, because I've seen it so many times.
This movie influenced an awful lot of us from when we were really young.
The Lord sure makes some beautiful worlds.
Forbidden Planet is a great film for my childhood and my memories and me falling in love with cinema.
Batteries, fire.
It was one of the movies that I saw that made me want to be a director.
It's a movie of ideas and that's really why the film has become the classic that it is.
It's good to be in a picture that people still talk about 50 years later.
Each new generation that comes along sort of rediscovers it.
I got a phone call just recently from my grandson, saying:
"Grandma, Grandma, I just saw you on television."
And it was Forbidden Planet.
Ha, ha.
- Just once more. 
Do you mind?
- Oh, not at all.
A lot of things become old-fashioned and for something to remain that interesting and that fresh...
In its category, it's the granddaddy.
Forbidden Planet's the first film that is not just science fiction but super science fiction.

Hi. 
May I help you?
I'm Christine Campbell.
I don't see your name on the list.
Who are you visiting?
Carl.
We have this conversation every day.
I'm not visiting anyone.
I'm dropping my son off at school.
Yeah, I, uh... 
I can't let you in;
your sticker's expired.
I know, but the lady who gives out the replacement stickers is only here between 10:00 and 1:00 and I can't make it 'cause I have a job.
I also tell you that every day.
Mmm. 
I don't think so.
Look, I can't just let you in without a sticker.
What if it turns out you're a crazy?
Why? 
Why would I be a crazy?
Because your car is filled with garbage and, uh... that thing that's happening with your right eye.
That's, that's not garbage, that's recycling.
And there's nothing wrong with my eye.
- You're wearing pajamas.
- Yes, yes.
I overslept. 
Okay?
60% of Americans oversleep.
We're a majority.
In fact, we could probably elect our own president.
Though, we'd probably oversleep on Election Day.
Ritchie?
Hey, Carl.
You're Ritchie's mom?
Every day.
Oh, okay, go ahead.
Have a good one.
Crazy.
I'll show you crazy.
Call me crazy.
- Mom, who are you talking to?
- Nobody, honey.
Transcript : 
Raceman Subtitles : 
Amariss
Ritchie.
Ritchie.
Oh, my God.
Ritchie!
Hi, Mom.
Honey, when you were leaving the car before and I asked you if you had everything, why did you say "yes"?
I do have everything.
Do you have your backpack?
Darn it.
It's right here, honey.
You left it in the car.
- Oh. 
Thanks, Mom.
- Okay. 
Good luck.
Oh, darn it.
- Hello, Christine.
- Good morning.
Hi.
Well, someone got dressed up today.
Big date?
- Important job interview?
- Meeting at the White House?
- Tea with the queen?
- Drinks with the ambassador?
Okay, I get it.
Obviously, I didn't plan on coming to school in my nightie, but I overslept.
It's my only day off;
I've got a lot to do.
I've got to take in my recycling.
I've got to go to the market.
I've got to finish my application for Amazing Race,
I have to tell my parents I'm divorced, I...
It's a busy day.
Have fun at the museum opening.
- And the royal wedding.
- The inauguration.
You're wearing pajamas.
I ran out.
Well, Marly, I may be wearing my pj's, but at least I have my original face.
That looks better.
What the...?
I told you I felt something.
Yeah, you felt something.
You felt my sweet little car being crushed by your bulldozer.
Now, hold on, PJ's.
I was already backing up when you came barreling into me.
Barreling?
My car doesn't barrel.
I'd probably go faster in a barrel.
Besides, if I'd seen your monster truck,
I wouldn't have backed out.
Well, how could you have seen me?
Your car is filled with garbage.
No, that's...
That's not garbage!
It's recycling, okay?
I care about the environment.
I drive a Prius.
Unlike you, who drives an oil rig.
Hey, I do plenty for the environment.
You should see how green my lawn is-- year-round.
That's true.
Her water bills are enormous.
Thank you.
Christine, I have to go shopping.
Some of us don't have the luxury of a day off.
Look, it's no big deal. 
I mean, we'll just each pay for our own damage.
Damage? 
You don't have any damage.
Why should I pay if it wasn't my fault?
Hey, Lindsay, didn't you see I was backing out when Marly smashed into me?
Oh. 
To be honest, I wasn't really paying attention.
Um, I was trying to adjust the heated seats.
Last time I was in Marly's car, I had on a skirt, and I got a mark in a place that was difficult to explain to my husband.
Christine, your car has seats, right?
Or are they bad for the environment?
- That was good.
- All right, let's get out of here.
Wait. 
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You can't just leave the scene of an accident.
Well, who's going to take care of my car?
!
Hey, that's a nickel.
Okay, what's the capital of Kentucky?
Frankfort.
And how do you remember that?
I just remember.
No, Kentucky makes you think of Kentucky Fried Chicken, which makes you think of Colonel Sanders.
And who's another funny colonel?
Colonel Klink, who is German and what's a city in Germany?
Frankfort.
That's ridiculous.
He can't remember all that.
Here's the way to do it.
You've got to turn it into a little song.
# Oh... the capital # # of Kentucky is Frankfort #
# Oh, the capital # # of Iowa is Des Moines #
# Oh, the capital # # of California is Saca-ramento #
# And that's how you remember # # some of the capitals #
What?
Smart guys turn me on.
You know, I'm not a bad person.
Do you realize half our conversations begin with you saying either "I'm not a bad person" or "Don't let me eat that"?
I'm serious.
Those women are horrible.
They're so different from me.
You know, they made fun of me for being an environmentalist?
You're an environmentalist?
I'm more of an environmentalist than that stupid Marly.
You should see the gas-guzzler she drives.
I don't want to think how many harp seals it takes to run that thing.
You don't know a lot of facts about the environment, do you?
Here's what I know.
I know that she hit me.
But I'm the one here about to pay for a rental car while my car is getting fixed.
Just let your insurance pay for it.
I can't; my insurance rates are already through the roof because of that time I got caught in the carpool lane.
I still think it should count if you're pregnant.
But you weren't pregnant.
None of us know that for sure.
May I help the next customer in line?
Yeah. 
Um...
I need to rent a car for a week.
Something small with good gas mileage-- no leather.
I mean, I eat meat, but...
only free-range meet.
Yeah, she has a collection of free-range shoes and belts at home.
Okay.
Well... 
I, uh, I can hook you up with a tricked-out luxury SUV just like the one from the Jay-Z episode of Pimp My Ride.
An SUV?
No way. 
No.
I drive a Prius;
it gets 45 miles to the gallon.
Does the SUV get 45 miles to the gallon?
- Not even in Park.
- Yeah.
But, since it is our only car left in stock,
I can give it to you for the same size as a midsize.
It's just for a week. 
I'm not driving you to another rental car company in rush hour traffic-- take the SUV.
Oh. 
I don't want people looking at me, thinking I'm one of those obnoxious, gluttonous, superficial soccer moms, whose whole identify is wrapped up in the car that they drive.
I won't do it.
They pimped my ride.
This is awesome.
THX sound system, voice-activated navigation.
What kind of engine?
5.4-liter three-valve V-8?
All I know is my seat just gave me a shiatsu massage while I watched Shrek in hi-def, all while keeping me at a comfortable 72 degrees, so, yeah, it drives good.
My old boyfriend used to drive a truck like this.
It was too big for me.
I mean, I like your truck.
It's small, but it gets you where you want to go.
I hate my tiny truck.
Am I getting fat?
Come on, guys, it's just a car.
Well, then why'd you drive us 50 miles of our way to get home?
I was just following the navigation system.
And... he wanted to see the beach.
Okay, come on. 
Get out.
I don't want the NASA foam sheets to memorize your shape.
I hate my shape... and my hair.
I could never drive an SUV, because I love the environment.
I do, too.
I almost never wear pantyhose anymore.
I'm a huge environmentalist.
Please look that word up.
I'm calling for Christine Campbell.
This is Craig Lewis from Lipson Heller Insurance.
Our client, Mrs. Marly Ehrhardt, has filed a claim against you.
Please call us at 310-927...
I cannot believe...
She's filing a claim against me?
I was fine paying for my damages to avoid making waves.
Wow.
This time she has really crossed a line.
I am so tired of her pushing me around.
She thinks she's better than me just 'cause she drives a giant car?
Guess what-- I drive a giant car, too.
And mine is bigger, better, and badder.
Badder.
Bad. 
Bad Santa. 
Santa Claus.
Capital of New Mexico:
Santa Fe.
How do you remember the "Fe"?
You just do.
I don't have a sticker.
This guy's going to give me a hard time again.
I don't have a sticker.
Oh, you don't need a sticker with this car.
Have a nice day.
Wow.
- I love our new car.
- Yeah.
It's so cool being bigger than everyone.
Yeah, well, don't get too used to it, because we get our stupid dinky car back next week.
And you come from a long line of short.
And cute.
Have fun, buddy.
Thanks, Mom.
Christine... is that you we saw climbing out of that luxury SUV?
Yeah, as a matter of fact, it was.
Well, boy, you're going to be able to fit,a lot of garbage in that one.
You know, I cannot believe that you called your insurance company after we agreed that we would handle it ourselves.
Oh, well, I went home and discussed it with my husband...
Oh, sorry.
And we agreed to put it through to insurance.
Oh, sorry again.
Hey, I have insurance.
Not American insurance, but...
You know what?
If you want to play rough, we can play rough.
All right, here's the bill.
$1,231.15. 
Okay?
That includes a new rear end for my Prius, a week of a rental car, and $1.15 worth of cans.
What do you want me to do with this?
You hit my car-- I want you to pay it.
I thought we decided that you hit my car.
No, no, you decided that, okay?
But in reality, we both know that you hit my car.
So pay up... woman.
Okay, well, I have a bill for you to repair my Hummer.
It's going to cost you $3,000.
Or to put it in your currency, about 60,000 cans.
So start drinking... woman.
$3,000 for what?
There wasn't even a scratch on your car.
You cracked one of my safari lights.
Oh, well, you're going to need those.
Its almost rhinoceros season here in Los Angeles.
Marly, it is my word against yours.
Well, not quite.
I actually have witnesses who saw you hit my car.
Witnesses?
You don't have witnesses.
- You have witnesses?
- Heidi.
Heidi was in the backseat of my car when you ran into me.
- No, she wasn't.
- She was.
Tell her, Heidi.
She came out of nowhere, and she had liquor on her breath.
Thank you.
- I smell marijuana.
- Yeah, that's enough.
And Lindsay was with me.
What...? 
No, she said she didn't see it.
She said she was too busy playing with her seat.
Yeah, well, now I remember looking up from playing with my seat when I heard your car barreling toward Marly's truck.
And?
And I said, "Watch out, crazy old Christine is about to barrel into your truck."
And?
And you're very pretty? 
I don't know what else you want me to say.
That's okay;
you've already said enough to prove the accident was Christine's fault.
Now what's going on with your eye?
Lindsay.
Great. 
Watching a scary movie in hi-def in the backseat of an SUV, eating microwave popcorn and getting cold drinks out of the mini-fridge.
Yeah, it's so old-fashioned.
So what happened?
Is Marly going to pay for your car?
No, she handed me a bill for her car.
It costs, like, more than my house.
God, I hate that dump.
I don't get this.
Thought she lived in a well.
How come she's coming through the TV?
It's because they want you to ask a thousand questions so no one can watch the movie.
- What's wrong with her eyes?
- Just watch!
The father's about to get it.
Get what?
I thought you were going to stand up to Marly.
Yeah, well, that was the plan, and then she brought in all her stupid friends to lie for her, saying it was my fault.
They are so awful.
Every single one of them, too-- no ethics.
So what are you going to do?
I'm going to fight fire with fire.
She can bring people in to lie for her.
I'll have Matthew lying for me.
You are going to say you were in the backseat underneath the recycling.
And then you hit your head.
Now you can't work or...
see colors.
Forget it-- get someone else to lie for you.
Ooh, that's a good idea.
I'll get Ritchie.
He can't even remember what he had for breakfast this morning.
If I tell him he was in the car with me, he'll believe it.
Maybe I'll even let it slip that Marly's husband is sleeping with her maid, because he is.
How does that help your case?
It establishes character, habeas corpus.
I'm not going to let you have Ritchie lie for you.
Come on, everybody lies.
Caveat emptor.
Stop it.
What are you talking about?
I know my legal rights.
You know three Latin words.
What's going on with you? 
Ever since you've got this car you've changed.
I haven't changed.
What are you doing?
The gardener will pick it up.
You don't have a gardener.
Well, I'll get one.
How much can that cost?
Look at you. 
Lying, littering.
This is not the woman I divorced.
You're becoming one of them.
No, I'm not.
You spent $300 on gas yesterday and told a homeless guy to get a job.
Hey, it's good advice.
I'm fine.
No, you're gross.
What? 
No, I'm not.
Because I like this car, because I like a hydraulic lift every once in a while?
I like sitting up high looking down on everyone.
If you don't like it, get out of my ride.
Okay, well, that was a little bit gross.
I don't know what it is.
I think it's this car.
It's got some sort of evil power.
Are you saying it was Marly's fault?
Yeah.
She can't check her blind spots 'cause she doesn't have any slack left in her neck.
I knew it.
This is great.
Let's go over to Marly's right now and confront her.
No, uh-uh, I can't betray Marly.
Uh-uh, she's my friend.
We have a complex relationship that very few people understand.
You want her to like you, so you do what she says?
Okay, maybe it's simpler than I thought.
Why did you bother telling me this if you're not going to help me?
There might be another way I can help you.
What would you say if I told you the school recently spent over $100,000 installing a high-tech video surveillance system that captures everything on tape?
Okay, um... that doughnut was still in the bag and it hadn't touched anything else in the trash can.
What are you talking about?
Uh... what are you talking about?
There's a tape of your accident.
Oh, there's a tape?
Of my accident?
But you didn't hear it from me.
Wh--why did you tell me this?
Because I know the difference between right and wrong.
I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a liar.
I mean, sure I lie.
Everyone lies.
I like what you've done to your house, by the way.
Oh, thank you.
- See you at school.
- Okay.
Hey.
I have something for you.
Oh, good. 
A check?
No, even better... a video of you hitting my car.
Yep.
It turns out that everything that happens here at Westbridge is captured on videotape.
So I think someone owes someone an apology.
Yeah.
No, Marly, you.
You owe me an apology.
Not only for hitting my car, but for making my life hell for the last year and a half.
You think you're better than me, but you're not.
The wealth of a person is not measured by their possessions.
The wealth of a person is measured by their values.
- Here's $2,000.
- And I accept your apology.
Oh, Mommy gets to keep the big boy for the week.

THE PAINTED VEIL
CHINA 1 925
LONDON TWO YEARS EARLIER
hello.
Say, I was wondering...
What?
Sorry. 
I was wondering if you'd Iike to dance?
Why not?
Kitty, who was the young man you were dancing with last night?
Which one?
The quiet, serious-Iooking one.
Oh, him.
I suppose you invited him, Mother.
I don't know who you're talking about.
I invited him.
His name is Fane and he's a doctor.
He manages a government laboratory in Shanghai.
A civil servant?
In any case.
He called 'round last Sunday, we had a Iong chat.
I told him to come back anytime.
It's not often that you Iike any of my young men.
well, do you Iike him?
Not really.
-What's wrong with him?
-Is he in love with you?
I don't know.
I should have thought by now you'd know when a young man was in love with you.
The point is whether or not I'm in love with him. 
And I'm not.
You'd better be careful, young lady.
Time can run out, you know.
Oh, stop it, Mother. 
honestly.
The very idea that a woman should marry any Tom, Dick, or Harry regardless of her own feelings is simply prehistoric.
How much longer do you expect your father to go on supporting you?
Oh.
hello.
hello. 
I..
I was just coming....
Your father invited me.
I'm going out.
May I join you?
Right on time.
What is it exactly that you do?
I'm a bacteriologist.
That must be fascinating.
You have no idea what that is, do you?
No. 
I'm afraid not.
No, there's no reason you should.
I study the microorganisms that carry disease.
Charming.
No, it's not actually. 
It's the opposite.
shall we step inside?
Do you Iike flowers?
Not particularly, no.
well, I mean, yes.
But we don't really have them around the house.
Mother says,
"Why purchase something you can grow for free?"
But then we don't really grow them either.
It does seem silly, really.
To put all that effort into something that's just going to die.
I'd Iike to say something to you.
I came to see you to ask you if you'II marry me.
You could knock me down with a feather.
could you not tell that I'm in love with you?
You never showed it.
Oh, I'd..
well, I wanted to. 
It's difficult. 
I..
But there it is.
Right.
I'm not sure that's very well put.
No, it's not.
Do you see how clumsy I am? 
I..
I'm terrible at these sorts of things.
But the thing is
I've got to get back to China very soon.
I don't have time to be cautious.
I've never thought of you in that way.
I think I improve greatly upon acquaintance.
Oh, I'm sure you do..
I'd do anything in my power to make you happy.
Anything at all.
I think you'd Iike Shanghai.
It's quite exciting, it is.
Lots of dancing.
surely you're not expecting me to answer this second?
I don't know you at all.
Yes! 
well, we had the highest of hopes, but no expectation that he'd ask her so soon.
Yes. 
A lovely late autumn wedding.
She's done very well for her herself, has my Doris.
At least one of them's made a success.
No, I gave up on Kitty ages ago.
Yes.
Yes.
well, I know you understand. 
Yes.
well?
Is it smaller than you imagined?
I'm not sure what I imagined.
Don't you have a piano?
No, I don't play the piano.
Who is it?
It's I.
Come in.
Just wanted to see
So, then, you're confortable, then?
Do you need anything?
No.
I'm fine.
Thank you.
Good. 
Good.
I'm so happy you're here.
shall I shut the lamp?
What for?
I'II shut the lamp.
It's raining cats and dogs.
I said, it's raining cats and dogs.
Yes, I heard you.
You might have answered.
I'm sorry.
I've gotten used to not speaking unless I have something to say.
If nobody spoke unless they had something to say the human race would soon lose the power of speech.
WaIter.
I'm sorry.
You're right.
What shall we do? 
shall we shall we play a game?
You don't like the games I play.
They bore you.
Nonsense.
Let's play cards.
Do you think you'd enjoy a night out?
We have an invitation for Saturday night.
From whom?
The Townsends.
Dorothy Townsend.
Do you not Iike her?
well, I've only met her once, but there's no reason for her to put on such airs.
Does she?
Yes. 
I have no idea why.
She was what?
Married to a vice consul?
honestly, they're absurd, this Shanghai set.
Mother wouldn't dream of asking half of them to dinner.
I'm taking that black five.
well, it's all right.
I thought you might enjoy it, but we certainly don't have to go.
I don't care either way.
Go where?
-Kitty Fane?
-hello, Dorothy.
I'm so glad you could come.
This is WaIter.
I'm pleased to meet you.
This is my husband.
charlie, stop talking and greet our guests.
-You know Mr. Fane.
-charlie.
It's Dr. Fane, darling.
Oh, dear. 
I do beg your pardon, Dr. Fane.
Not at all.
And this is Dr. Fane's wife, Kitty.
Mrs. Fane.
Mr. Townsend.
I do apologize, Dr. Fane.
I assumed you worked with charlie at the consulate.
Oh, no. 
Nothing so glamorous.
I'm at the civil Laboratory.
The government lab? 
How fascinating.
Are you enjoying it?
I've never seen anything like it.
Every gesture has a meaning.
See how she covers her face with the cloth?
She is mourning her misfortune.
What happened to her?
She was sold into slavery.
Condemned to a life of drudgery and despair in a strange land far from home.
See the chains?
They represent the heavy bondage of her poor trapped soul from which there is no escape.
And so she weeps.
She weeps for the lively, vivacious girl she once was for the lonely woman she has become.
And most of all she weeps for the love she'II never feel for the love she'II never give.
Is that really what she's saying?
actually, I haven't a clue what she's on about.
I don't speak Chinese.
What was that?
Oerhaps it was the amah, or one of the....
They've gone.
He heard us.
Who?
WaIter.
WaIter. 
What if it was?
For all he knows you were taking a nap.
With my doors locked?
Kitty, dear, you need a drink.
Even if it was, my impression is he'II do nothing.
That's flattering.
He knows as well as anyone there's nothing to be gained by making a scandal.
Has it occurred to you that my husband is in love with me?
I have a feeling you're about to say something awful.
It's just that women are often under the impression that men are much more in love with them than they really are.
I wouldn't deIude myself for a second that you were in love with me.
Now there you're wrong.
Do you Iike your present?
It's good enough.
charlie?
Do I make you as happy as you make me?
Of course you do, darling.
(Miss you Father)
-Hassan?
-Yes?
-Who brought this package 'round?
-Dr. 
Fane.
When?
while you sleeping.
It's nearly midday.
We could stop up here under the trees but I'd Iike to press on if it's all right with you.
certainly, my comfort's of no concern to you.
Right. 
Then we'II continue.
charlie Townsend, please.
charles Townsend.
I need to see you.
Kitty, I can't possibly see you.
I've got a meeting in an hour at the club.
What is it?
I have to go.
What are you doing home?
I'm sorry. 
There's something I need to speak with you about.
actually, I was just about to take my bath.
I'm afraid it's rather important, darling.
Can't wait.
Sit down.
Do you know a place called Mei-Tan-Fu?
No.
well, it was in the papers the other day.
It's a small town on a tributary of the Yangtze River, in the interior.
They've had an outbreak of cholera there.
It's the worst epidemic anyone's seen in a Iong time.
The Chinese medical officer has died.
There's a convent of French nuns and they're trying to run the hospital and they're doing the best that they can, but people are dropping like flies.
I have volunteered to go and to take charge.
Why?
Because they need a doctor.
But you're not a doctor.
You're a bacteriologist.
I'm an M.D.
The fact that I'm foremost a scientist is actually all to the good in this case.
Won't it be awfully dangerous?
I suppose it might, yes.
Now, Mei-Tan-Fu is a ten-day journey.
You can go by rail for the first part of it, but after that it's carriage and then we'II have to take a sedan chair.
Who's we?
Why, you and I, of course.
You're not expecting me to come too?
I hoped that if I was going you would want to go.
surely it's no place for a woman.
It would be madness for me to go.
Why should I?
To cheer and comfort me?
No.
No, I won't go.
In fact, it's monstrous of you to even ask me.
Fine. 
Then I shall file my petition for divorce tomorrow.
I'm afraid that you have thought me a bigger fool than I am.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Don't you?
I am divorcing you for adultery.
I am naming charles Townsend as your lover.
I'm sorry, WaIter.
I realize this is very unpleasant, but, please, Iet's not make this ugIier than it needs to be.
By all means. 
What is it that you propose that we should do?
You could let me divorce you quietly.
You divorce me?
-On what grounds, may I ask?
-That's what a gentleman would do.
Can you give me one reason I should put myself to the smallest inconvenience on your account?
OIease, WaIter, don't be so hateful.
We didn't mean to hurt anyone. 
But charlie and I have fallen in love.
He wants to marry me.
really?
I knew that you weren't the cleverest girl in the world but I didn't know that you were actually a fool.
Yes. 
well, if it makes you feel better to hurt me, then go ahead.
But you might as well get used to it.
We love each other.
And we're sick to death of the secrecy and compromise and all the rest of it.
And now you curse the day that you ever met me.
Stop mocking me.
There's no other response for such pathetic behavior!
It's comic.
When I think about how hard I've tried to make you happy.
Debasing myself!
Acting as though I was as thrilled as you by the latest gossip and as vulgar and as ignorant...
-...of the world as you are!
-Shut up!
If you interrupt me again, I'II strangle you.
Sit down.
I knew when I married you that you were selfish and spoiled.
But I Ioved you.
I knew that you married me only to get as far away from your mother as possible and I hoped that one day there'd be something more.
I was wrong.
You don't have it in you.
If a man hasn't what's necessary to make a woman love him, then it's his fault not hers.
Either way.
Tomorrow morning we are to leave for Mei-Tan-Fu, or I shall file my petition.
WaIter, you can't be serious about taking me into the middle of a cholera epidemic.
Do you think that I'm not?
My God.
That's what you want, isn't it?
Do you really think charlie will let you do this?
I don't think charlie has very much to say about it.
Everything you said is true.
Everything.
I married you even though I didn't love you.
But you knew that.
Aren't you as much to blame for what's happened as I?
AII right.
Here's what I'II do.
gentlemen, we all have assets to protect here.
unfortunately, Mr. Nagata's actions have created a rather urgent situation.
It was an unfortunate, but unavoidable incident.
Your foreman shot a worker.
He was an agitator.
He was a Chinese.
You may have suppressed a very small strike but in doing so you have started a very large demonstration.
I need to use your pen, please.
Here you are, miss.
What about support from Chiang Kai-shek?
Where does he stand on this?
He's a nationalist. 
He will stand on the side of the Chinese.
That's why they call themselves nationalists.
Excuse me.
Mr. Townsend.
I think you underestimated the situation.
I have three of my mills shut down because of waIk-outs.
There is talk about boycotts.
So, what do you propose?
A handful of municipal soldiers is hardly a show of force.
If you'II excuse me.
Mrs. Fane. 
What a pleasant surprise.
You've rescued me from a pack of wild bores.
I wouldn't have come if it wasn't necessary.
Are you all right?
I needed to see you. 
I'm sorry.
Kitty, this is not the most opportune time for me to....
He knows.
Right.
After you, Mrs. Fane.
hello, charlie.
hello, George.
hello, Townsend.
Adam.
He wants a divorce.
You didn't commit yourself, did you?
acknowledge anything?
No.
Are you sure?
Quite sure.
well.
This is a bloody scrape we're in.
He says he has proof.
We deny it.
He can't prove anything.
Besides, it wouldn't do waiter any good to create a scandal.
But there isn't going to be a scandal.
WaIter's agreed to let me divorce him quietly.
That's not so terrible, is it?
will you hold me?
Of course I will.
Oh, God.
charlie?
His offer comes with a condition.
I'm not a rich man.
He doesn't want your money.
He's agreed to let me divorce him if Dorothy will agree to divorce you.
And if....
What?
If you'II promise to marry me.
You know, darling, whatever happens, we must try to keep Dorothy out of it.
What do you mean?
We can't only think of ourselves.
I know Dorothy.
Nothing in the world will induce her to divorce me.
You don't want to divorce her.
It's not just a question of my marriage..
Then what is it?
Do you have any idea of the importance of my station here?
If I were....
Why are you laughing?
I don't think waiter intended for one minute to divorce me.
He knew you'd let me down.
Try to understand.
I understand, all right.
Kitty! 
Kitty, please.
We'II work this out, I promise. 
D..
I'm coming with you.
Good. 
I thought you might.
I suppose I needn't take more than a few summer things?
And a shroud?
I've told Hassan what you will need.
She's packing already.
I wouldn't touch that if I was you.
They may have died in that bed.
This can be your room.
You must be the doctor's wife.
I've just met your husband and invited myself to dinner.
I've kept the Watsons' cook for you.
She's not bad.
She'II have to do as your amah as well.
We're a little short-handed here.
Sorry, my name is Waddington.
Oh, yes, of course. 
Kitty Fane.
I'm the Deputy Commissioner.
OIease.
I believe you're one of our neighbors.
only neighbor, I'm afraid.
Last one standing.
And Watson was the missionary living here?
Yes. 
Nice fellow.
American. 
lovely family.
I'II show you their graves tomorrow, if you Iike.
How kind of you.
I hope your journey wasn't too arduous?
We've been traveling for two weeks.
Two weeks? 
What did you do, swim?
No, we didn't come up river.
Came overland.
Whatever for?
well, we wanted to take in a bit of the countryside.
Get a bit of sun. 
Didn't we, darling?
Anyone for a cocktail?
Here's luck.
I was told I might get some help from the local army officer.
colonel Yu, is it?
Good luck with him. 
He's not fond of us British.
Listen, I'II warn you, things are pretty dicey even out here.
I'm afraid that if the cholera doesn't get us, the nationalists might.
Tried to get those nuns to go, but they refused.
They all want to be martyrs, damn them.
And why have you stayed?
I was posted here. 
simple as that.
I was shocked to hear you'd volunteered.
Opportunity for research.
I couldn't pass it up.
Yes. 
And you?
I don't suppose you've come to Mei-Tan-Fu for the research.
My husband's the scientist.
Indeed.
Did you have any reaction to the inoculation?
You have been inoculated?
Yes, of course.
No guarantee.
The Watsons were inoculated, it didn't do them much good.
Have you brought any gramophone records?
No, unfortunately not.
Oity. 
I'm sick of all mine.
Listen.
What's all that?
Across the river.
Trying to frighten off the spirit of death.
I'm going to town in the morning.
Have a look around.
I expect you'II want to rest.
I can inoculate you in the evening.
will you be doing yourself?
No, I don't think so.
You needn't bother with me then.
Suit yourself.
tell me, WaIter.
Is it a Iong, drawn-out affair, dying of cholera?
No. 
AII of the fluid goes out of you in the first 36 hours.
You die of dehydration, actually.
So, it's messy and very painful.
But it is relatively quick.
Good night.
It's rather unfortunate.
I thought perhaps that you and your wife you'd Iike to take precautions in case you have to leave this place.
Do you think all this is really necessary?
You can see the picture.
I thought you'd Iike to put your wife's mind  at rest from this situation.
This is colonel Yu.
He's the KMT's man.
He's posting one of his men here at the house.
Am I a prisoner?
No. 
It was Mr. Waddington's idea actually.
He feels we should take precautions.
Orecautions against what?
A few days ago, British troops opened fire on a group of Chinese workers who were demonstrating in Shanghai.
eleven were killed.
We've only just heard.
Those were plastered around the town last night.
(Death to foreign murderers!
)
I shouldn't worry too much.
Even the nationalists are afraid of cholera.
Do they take that water from the well?
colonel, can I see where they get their drinking water?
(ImperiaIist pig! 
)
For starters, we've got to stop people from using this well until I can test it.
Do you understand?
Yes, I understand, Dr. Fane.
I received my military training in Moscow.
If you don't like english, we can speak Russian.
english will be fine. 
Thank you.
Here.
You have seen cholera before, yes, Doctor?
At the laboratory, of course.
No, I mean in a patient.
No. 
No, I haven't had the chance
well, I'm not a clinician.
Did they not tell you?
I'm an infectious disease specialist.
shall we?
After you, Doctor.
( charlie)
(without you it is intolerable)
I don't need you.
Go back!
Mr. Waddington?
I'm looking for Mr. Waddington.
Wait here. 
AII right?
hello?
Mr. Waddington?
Mrs. Fane?
Good morning.
What can I do for you, Mrs. Fane?
I found a record for you.
Stravinsky.
Very modern. 
Thank you.
Was there something else?
I was wondering if you could tell me when the post comes through.
It's for Shanghai.
unfortunately, since the cholera, the cowards won't venture past the river port but leave it with me.
A local trader I know is making the trip on Friday.
Townsend.
charlie Townsend?
Yes. 
He's an acquaintance of my husband.
Do you know him?
Years ago. 
We were both assigned to the consulate in Shanghai.
Charming wife?
Yes. 
They're very popular, aren't they?
He'd made a science of popularity.
So, you know his family?
well, well enough. 
I Iike Dorothy.
Yes, I understand they're quite the devoted couple.
Oh, he had his little flirtations.
Nothing serious.
I once heard her say that she found it most unflattering that the women who fell for her husband were so consistently second-rate.
well, enjoy the record.
Mrs. Fane?
The letter.
Right.
Yes, it suddenly occurred to me that Friday's much too late.
Thanks all the same.
Can you pass the salt, please?
I'm sorry. 
Did you say something?
could you pass the salt?
Thank you.
So, this is how it's going to be?
Oassing her evenings in silence.
WaIter.
WaIter!
I wonder if you haven't gone insane.
-She's not cooking it.
-Leave it.
Leave it.
Thank you.
Are you looking to kill yourself?
Town well's contaminated.
This is dirty. 
It's dirty.
What?
Mr. Waddington?
Mrs. Fane?
Mrs. Fane!
Come away. 
Come away.
What's the matter with Te-Ming?
You have the dead man on you.
They're very superstitious, aren't they?
She's lost three children and a husband to the cholera.
So, you can hardly blame her.
You know, this is no place for a woman.
When they telegraphed me that you were coming out, I was astonished.
I imagined you might be a grim-visaged old nurse with thick legs and a moustache.
I came into the bungalow and there you were fraiI and tired and very unhappy.
It was a Iong journey.
But you're unhappy now.
And it occurred to me that you and your husband might be madly in love and that you'd simply refused to stay behind.
That's a reasonable explanation.
Yes. 
But it's not the right one.
Do you know what I find strange?
That your husband should never look at you.
He looks at the walls, the floor, his shoes.
He has a great deal on his mind.
Yes, I'm sure of it.
Dr. Fane!
Dr. Fane!
Oh, God.
AII right.
What are you doing?
Martini?
Yes?
I'm the bearer of a message from the Mother Superior.
Who?
The nun who supervises the orphanage and the hospital.
I didn't know she was aware of my existence.
well, apparently Mr. Waddington has spoken of you.
She would very much like to meet the loving..
...loyal wife of the compassionate Dr. Fane.
Right. 
Then I must prepare myself for the charade.
She does understand if you don't want to venture into the center of the epidemic.
If you're not afraid, why should I be?
I forgot.
WaIter!
Oh, my God!
Oh, you're drunk.
(Foreigner!
)
( Go home!
)
Don't expect anything grand.
They're miserably poor.
hello.
It's a great pleasure to make the acquaintance of the wife of our good and brave doctor.
lovely to meet you, too.
Mr. Waddington.
You must eat the madeleines.
Sister St. Joseph made them for you herself this morning.
So, tell me, Mrs. Fane.
To which faith do you subscribe?
Excuse me.
We attended services, not religiously regularly.
You could say I'm a member of the Church of england.
Which is an inoffensive way of saying you don't quite believe in anything much.
You're very pretty.
And very young.
I assure you I'm not. 
I feel ancient.
If Mrs. Fane would Iike to see over the convent and orphanage. 
I shall be glad to show her.
alone.
We keep the older girls busy with sewing.
It keeps them occupied.
And earns money for the convent.
That one won't allow us to baptize her.
Our music room.
Sister Maryse.
Sister Dominique was our pianist.
She died last week. 
cholera.
Through there is the infirmary.
It is not a sight one would wish to see.
shall I call Dr. Fane out to see you?
No. 
You needn't disturb him.
Now, with the epidemic we have even more to care for.
This baby was brought in this morning.
Another orphan.
She says Dr. Fane loves babies.
He spends as much time as he can in the nursery.
Mrs. Fane?
Mrs. Fane?
You all right?
Yes.
It's nothing only foolishness.
What do you want?
Sorry.
I brought you your supper.
AII right. 
Just leave it there.
Is there something else?
What's that you're doing?
I am testing the nitrate levels of a local tomato.
Why?
Why?
Can't possibly interest you.
well, enjoy your supper.
WaIter.
What do you propose we should do if we get through the epidemic?
I have no ideas.
But I don't think any good will come of always talking about a situation that we should do much better to forget.
But you don't forget.
OIease. 
I really must work.
Won't you listen to what I have to say?
AII right. 
If you insist.
It's, it's just today, having been at the convent with those nuns.
What have they done, converted you?
No.
They spoke of you.
And it made me feel...
What?
-It made you feel what?
-I think I've been afraid of you.
well, you should have been.
Excuse me.
If, if I can't work, I'm going to bed.
I know you're angry at me. 
But if we could just try and talk about...
honestly, I don't understand you.
What is it that you want from me?
Oerhaps I just want us to be a little
less unhappy.
You're mistaken in thinking that I'm unhappy.
I have far too much to do here to think of you very much at all.
That's exactly what I'm trying to say.
I feel useless.
What do you propose that I do about that?
For God's sakes, WaIter!
will you stop punishing me?
Do you absolutely despise me?
No. 
I despise myself.
Why?
For allowing myself to love you once.
hello.
I hope I haven't come at an inconvenient time.
Sister Maryse died last night.
I've just written to inform her parents.
I'm so sorry.
But it is sinful of me to grieve when I know that her good and simple soul has flown straight to heaven.
How can I help you?
well, I'm sure that with the sister's death you must be even more shorthanded.
You see, I was wondering if I couId come to the convent and do anything just, just to help out.
My dear child, don't you think you've done enough...
I've been here a month.
believe me, I have nothing to do from morning till night.
Oerhaps I couId help with the sisters in the hospital.
That is impossible. 
cholera is a terrible thing to see.
Besides, what would happen if you should fall ill?
I'd be happy to scrub the floors, anything just something to feel useful.
That will not be necessary.
The orphans scrub the floors.
No, no, it is our business and our privilege to do such things.
But there is always more to do each day.
Have you spoken to your husband of your wish?
Yes.
I don't know what you're saying.
I also found traces in the river, downstream from the burial grounds.
You've checked these results?
I tested it three times.
well, that's it then.
I would recommend barricading the bathing area cut off all access to the river.
How far do you expect people to walk for their water?
I've no idea.
Up river, at Ieast a haIf-miIe above the burial ground.
That's too far.
nevertheless.
I agree with Dr. Fane.
It's necessary.
also, I thought we'd agreed to post a directive ordering people to dispose of the corpses immediately.
We have done that already, Doctor.
Yes, but if you don't enforce it then it doesn't matter.
Because the families are hiding the bodies for days.
Then they bury them too close to the river.
I understand the problem.
You don't have to explain it twice.
colonel, I respectfully request that... you order your soldiers to enter these people's homes and remove the bodies by force if necessary.
It's all right.
hello.
Yes, yes, yes. 
I understand.
The spirits need access to the water.
I understand that.
I just want to move a few of these so that they don't live in the water.
He said that they're under the protection of their warlord.
If he wants to move the bodies, he will send his own soldiers.
These really aren't the best times for a Western woman to go exploring a Chinese town by herself.
Oh, do be quiet.
As if you care whether I'm killed by nationalists or boredom.
Besides, I wasn't alone.
I was with my gallant protector Sung Ching.
By the way you might be happy to know that I am just as useless to the nuns as I am to you.
I shut off the town's only water supply today.
What will you do?
I have no idea.
Then I suppose we're both useless.
At last, something in common.
Dr. Fane. 
We've both been caught out in the weather.
Not now, sorry.
I beg your pardon?
Counting.
Counting?
We'II camp here tonight.
What makes you think this warlord fellow will cooperate?
I don't think he will.
So, what do you plan to say to persuade him?
I don't know.
These men are like animals.
They have no vision.
They only have hunger and strength.
Men like this have held the real power in China since I was young.
But that time is coming to an end.
There's no place for them in the new China.
I don't think you Iike my being here very much either, do you?
I think China belongs to Chinese people but the rest of the world seems to disagree.
Yes, but that's got nothing to do with me.
I didn't come here with a gun, you know.
I came here with a microscope.
I believe you.
But it wouId be nice to do this work together without your country's guns pointing at our people.
Our plan is to divert the water to the town from the fields upriver above the burial grounds.
With your permission and the assistance of your troops the graves will be moved away from the water.
And colonel Yu and his men will enforce the prompt burial of the dead maintaining the integrity of the water sources and enforcing proper sanitation over the next few weeks.
It will make a difference between a few more deaths and possibly thousands.
(He says, if we keep the water source clean,)
(and enforce proper sanitation procedures,)
(then in a few weeks,)
(the death toll...) (...could reduce more than one thousand.)
(Is he finished?
)
(I won't sacrifice my men to that cholera mess.)
(Forget it!
)
(When people die...) (...it's destiny! 
I'II have nothing to do with it!
)
(You...) (...get him out of here!
)
He said no.
He doesn't speak any english, does he?
tell him that's the most ridiculous suit that I've ever seen.
(This Doctor respects you greatly...) (and you are right.)
(It is quite a mess, this epidemic.)
(But my superior said...) (...if your men cannot control it...) (...then our army will be happy to help you.)
(After seeing this place...)
(...it's so overwhelming...) (...
I'm afraid once our soldiers are here...) (...they won't want to leave.)
I'm sorry.
Do not stop on my account if Dr. Fane is enjoying himself.
No, no, not at all.
It's very nice. 
I was passing....
No. 
Stay.
I should go.
I insist.
AII right, if you Iike.
Continue, Mrs. Fane.
But perhaps something a little more soothing.
Yes, of course.
They brought in a new baby today.
The girls named her Zan Xien.
It means "brand new."
The nuns are going to call it Katherine which, of course, none of the girls will be able to say.
Thank goodness for those nuns.
They do so much for so little in return.
I suppose you can look at it that way.
You suppose?
I think it might be a bit more complicated than that.
They take in desperate children and give them a chance at life.
What could be so complicated about that?
They also go to young mothers in their homes.
They ask them to give their babies to the convent.
They offer them money to support their families to persuade them to do it.
They're not just here to run an orphanage, your nuns.
They're turning those children into little CathoIics.
None of us are in China without a reason.
still, on the whole I think that what they're doing is a pretty good deed, don't you?
I'm here to study bacteria.
I don't feel the need to have an opinion about the rest of it.
well, I do, and I admire them.
I don't think it has to be so complicated and gloomy.
And I think what you're doing, for instance, is incredibly noble.
You used to feel contempt for me.
Don't you still?
WaIter. 
I can't believe that you with all your cleverness should have such little sense of proportion.
We humans are more complex than your silly little microbes.
We're unpredictable. 
We make mistakes and we disappoint.
Yes, we certainly do.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm not the perfect young woman that you want me to be.
I'm just ordinary.
I never tried to pretend that I was anything else.
No, you certainly didn't.
I Iike the theater  and dancing and playing tennis. 
I Iike games.
I Iike men who play games.
God forgive me, that's the way I was brought up.
well, I play a pretty fierce hand of bridge.
Oh, well, that's bloody exciting.
And you, you dragged me around all those interminable galleries in Venice bIathering on about the miracle of the canals and the flashing of the lagoon system or some such nonsense.
honestly, I'd have been much happier playing golf at Sandwich.
I suppose you're right.
It was silly of us to look for qualities in each other that we never had.
Yes.
Yes, it was.
WaIter?
Why didn't you break down that door when you knew I was in there with charlie?
You might have at Ieast tried to thrash him.
He wasn't worth it.
Or maybe I'm just too proud to fight.
I don't know about that.
(Bury corpses immediately.)
(OIease don't take him away!
)
(His spirit will never rest!
)
I've told Mother Superior to keep her sisters inside the convent.
I put a guard outside the gate.
I'd advise any Westerners to stay indoors.
AII right.
Sister, has Mrs. Fane been at the convent today?
Yes. 
But she, she has left a few minutes ago.
(This is the work of the British devil!
)
(Respect our traditions!
)
Sung Ching.
Let's go!
Let's go!
Let's go!
Sung Ching. 
Where's Mrs. Fane?
Where's Mrs. Fane?
!
I don't know what you're saying!
Get away from her.
-Are you all right?
-Yes.
Come on.
We're out of whiskey.
Dr. Fane.
could I trouble you for a drink?
hello, darling.
I was stationed at Hankow during the revolution when they were massacring all the Manchus.
I was able to help a particular family.
New documents, that sort of thing.
She was the youngest of the daughters.
I didn't pay her too much attention at first.
well, more than I should have, I suppose.
When I Ieft Hankow, she followed me.
I sent her back two, three times.
But she she kept coming back.
I didn't realize you had so much affection for her.
What makes you think I do?
I can see it in your eyes.
Men are incalculable.
I thought you were just like everybody else now I feel I don't know the first thing about you.
I wonder what she sees in you.
Wan Xi.
She says I'm a good man.
As if a woman ever loved a man for his virtue.
Morning.
Morning.
I should think it best to stay away from town today.
AII right.
I'm going for a walk.
Come on, then.
What on earth are you doing all the way out here?
walking off a crippling hangover.
What are you doing?
I've been attempting to purchase a stalk of bamboo.
But his price is exorbitant.
Or my head is too shattered to negotiate.
So...
-would you Iike a ride home?
-On what?
The buffalo?
You see, we're diverting it from these fields temporarily sending it straight into the center of town where they can get it easily.
It's over a haIf-miIe. 
It gave us a devil of a time in some places.
But it's worth it.
Oh, Mother.
Am I going to die?
Come, come. 
You mustn't be so silly.
Listen, ma chere is it possible that you're with child?
-No.
-Oh, yes.
-No.
-Yes.
I mean...
I...
I suppose it's possible.
There is no doubt about it.
Yes. 
Sister St. Joseph knew at once.
She comes from a Iarge family so she has experience in these matters.
I can't believe it.
Why can't you believe it?
Having a child is so natural.
Yes.
Think how happy your husband will be.
And what's happened here?
-I'm all right.
-They said you fainted.
I'm fine.
-Let me look at you.
-It's not cholera.
No. 
I don't think so.
Did you feel nauseous? 
Or just faint?
WaIter, stop.
I'm pregnant.
A baby?
You're quite certain?
Yes.
well, that's wonderful.
How long do you think you've been like this?
Two months.
Maybe longer.
Kitty.
Am I the father?
I honestly don't know.
I'm sorry.
well.
It doesn't matter now.
Does it?
No.
No, it doesn't.
Dr. Fane!
Come with me.
What is this? 
Where are they coming from?
The cholera spread south along the river.
They have no doctors or facilities there.
If they come in, they'II contaminate everything.
We've got to keep them outside the town.
Dr. Fane!
Dr. Fane!
Stop! 
Stop!
Stop!
OIease stop here!
We can help you here!
colonel, tell them not to go into the town!
tell them we'II help them here!
Mrs. Fane. 
Gather all the children in the music room.
Wait here.
Let's go!
That boy. 
Bring him here, bring him here.
He has a cut. 
I'II treat him.
I don't understand.
Why didn't he wake me?
He made an early start.
And you needed the rest.
How far is the refugee camp?
Just outside the town, in the foothills.
Dr. Fane told me he wanted you to leave, but you would not.
I didn't want to leave you.
Yes. 
And we appreciate it, dear child, but I think you did not want to leave him either.
well...it's my duty.
Duty is only washing your hands when they are dirty.
I fell in love when I was 1 7 with God.
A foolish girl with romantic notions about the life of a religious.
But my love was passionate.
Over the years, my feelings have changed.
He's disappointed me. 
Ignored me.
We've settled into a relationship of peaceful indifference.
The old husband and wife who sit side by side on the sofa, but rarely speak.
He knows I will never leave Him.
This is my duty.
But when love and duty are one.
...then grace is within you.
Your soldier is waiting to take you back.
I'd rather stay.
No.
What? 
What is it?
What?
Mrs. Fane?
Mr. Waddington?
It's your husband.
What? 
What is it?
He's been taken ill.
Where is he?
Mrs. Fane?
WaIter!
Oh, no. 
She can't be here.
It's not safe. 
Waddington!
I'm afraid I've got no say in the matter
I don't want an audience.
You have to go.
Your baby.
OIease, you must go.
WaIter, tell me what I should do.
slow that drip down.
It's running too fast.
Good, good.
Kitty? 
Kitty.
It's going to get much worse before it breaks.
Are you prepared for this?
Yes.
What is it?
(We're running out of saline.)
Can you send for more?
(I have...) (...but for many it will be too late.)
Kitty.
Kitty.
Are you awake?
Are you feeling better?
Forgive me.
Forgive you?
There's nothing to forgive.
WaIter.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Mrs. Fane?
Dr. Fane would want to be buried immediately.
Yes, of course.
(At the clear fountain, while I was strolling by)
(I found the water so nice that I went in to bathe)
( So long I've been loving you, I will never forget you)
(Under an oak tree, I dried myself)
( On the highest branch, a nightingale was singing)
( So long I've been loving you, I will never forget you)
( Sing, nightingale, sing, your heart is so happy)
(Your heart feels like laughing, mine feels like weeping)
What are you doing?
( So long I've been loving you, I will never forget you)
(I lost my beloved without deserving it)
(For a bunch of roses that I denied him)
( So long I've been loving you, I will never forget you)
(I wanted the rose to be still on the bush)
(And my sweet beloved to be still loving me)
( So long I've been loving you, I will never forget you)
(At the clear fountain, while I was strolling by)
(I found the water so nice that I went in to bathe)
( So long I've been loving you, I will never forget you)
(Under an oak tree, I dried myself)
( On the highest branch, a nightingale was singing)
( So long I've been loving you, I will never forget you)
It's silly, really.
They'II die in a week.
It's hardly worth the cost.
What do you think?
I think they're quite nice.
really?
I think you're right.
Come on.
We better hurry. 
Grandfather's waiting.
Kitty Fane?
As I Iive and breathe.
hello, charlie.
What are you doing in London?
I know it's been a Iong time.
I should have written.
Who's this fine chap? 
hello, young man.
What's your name?
WaIter.
hello, WaIter. 
I'm charlie Townsend.
How old are you?
Five.
Come on, darling. 
We should really press on.
Yes, of course.
well, it's lovely seeing you again.
Goodbye, WaIter.
Goodbye.
Kitty!
I'm going to be in London for the next 3 weeks. 
Oerhaps we could..
Goodbye, Mr. Townsend.
Goodbye, Mrs. Fane.
Who was that, Mommy?
No one important, darling.
IN LOVING MERMORY OF OUR FRIENDS JULIE PEARCE AND JOHN TIMPERLEY

- Hello.
- Hello.
Say, I was wondering...
What?
Sorry. 
I was wondering if you'd like to dance.
Why not?
Kitty, who was the young man you were dancing with last night?
Which one?
Quiet, serious-looking one.
Oh, him.
- I suppose you invited him, mother.
- I don't know who you're talking about.
I invited him.
His name is Fane and he's a doctor.
He manages a government laboratory in Shanghai.
- A civil servant?
In any case.
He called around last Sunday.
We had a long chat.
I told him to come back anytime.
It's not often that you like any of my young men.
Well, do you like him?
- Not really.
- What's wrong with him?
- Is he in love with you?
- I don't know.
I thought by now you'd know when a young man was in love with you.
The point is whether I'm in love with him, and I'm not.
You'd better be careful, young lady.
Time can run out, you know.
Oh, stop it, mother. 
Honestly.
The very idea that a woman should marry any Tom, Dick, or Harry regardless of her own feelings is simply prehistoric.
How much longer do you expect your father to go on supporting you?
- Hello.
- Hello. 
L...
I was... 
I was just coming...
Your father invited me.
I'm going out.
May I join you?
Right on time.
What is it exactly that you do?
I'm a bacteriologist.
That must be fascinating.
You have no idea what that is, do you?
No, I'm afraid not.
No. 
There's no reason you should.
I study the microorganisms that carry disease.
Charming.
No, it's not, actually. 
It's the opposite.
Shall we step inside?
Do you like flowers?
Not particularly, no.
Well, I mean, yes. 
But we don't really have them around the house.
Mother says, "Why purchase something you can grow for free?"
Then, we don't really grow them either.
Does seem silly, really.
To put all that effort into something that's just going to die.
I'd like to say something to you.
I came to see you to ask you if you'll marry me.
You could knock me down with a feather.
Could you not tell that I'm in love with you?
You never showed it.
Oh, I...
Well, I wanted to. 
It's difficult. 
I...
But there it is.
Right.
I'm not sure that's very well put.
No, it's not. 
You see how clumsy I am.
I... 
I'm terrible at these sorts of things.
But the thing is, I've got to get back to China very soon.
I don't have time to be cautious.
I've never thought of you in that way.
- I improve greatly upon acquaintance.
- I'm sure you do...
I'd do anything in my power to make you happy.
Anything at all.
I think you'd like Shanghai.
It's quite exciting, it is.
Lots of dancing.
Surely you're not expecting me to answer this second.
I don't know you at all.
Yes. 
Ye...
Well, we had the highest of hopes but no expectation that he'd ask her so soon.
Yes. 
A lovely late autumn wedding.
Oh, she's done very well for herself, has my Doris.
At least one of them's made a success.
No, I gave up on Kitty ages ago.
Yes.
Yes. 
Well, I know you understand.
Yes.
Well?
Is it smaller than you imagined?
I'm not sure what I imagined.
Don't you have a piano?
No. 
I don't play the piano.
- Who is it?
- It's I.
Come in.
Just wanted to see if you were all settled.
So, then, you're comfortable, then?
Do you need anything?
No. 
I'm fine. 
Thank you.
Good. 
Good.
I am so happy you're here.
- Shall I shut the lamp?
- What for?
I must shut the lamp.
It's raining cats and dogs.
I said, it's raining cats and dogs.
Yes, I heard you.
- You might have answered.
- I'm sorry.
L... 
I've gotten used to not speaking unless I have something to say.
If nobody spoke unless they had something to say the human race would soon lose the power of speech.
Walter.
I'm sorry.
You're right. 
What...?
What shall we do? 
Shall we?
Shall we play a game?
You don't like the games I play.
They bore you.
Nonsense. 
Let's play cards.
Do you think you'd enjoy a night out?
We have an invitation for Saturday night.
- From whom?
- The Townsends.
Dorothy Townsend.
Do you not like her?
I've only met her once, but there's no reason for her to put on such airs.
- Does she?
- Yes. 
I have no idea why.
Because she was, what, married to a vice consul?
Honestly, they're absurd, this Shanghai set.
Mother wouldn't dream of asking half of them to dinner.
I'm taking that black five.
Well, it's all right.
I thought you might enjoy it but we certainly don't have to go.
I don't care either way.
Go where?
- Kitty Fane?
- Hello, Dorothy.
- I'm so glad you could come.
- This is Walter.
- I'm pleased to meet you.
- This is my husband.
Charlie, stop talking and greet our guests.
- You know Mr. Fane.
- Charlie.
- It's Dr. Fane, darling.
- Oh, dear.
- I do beg your pardon, Dr. Fane.
- Not at all.
- And this is Dr. Fane's wife, Kitty.
- Mrs. Fane.
- Mr. Townsend.
- I do apologize, Dr. Fane.
I assumed you worked with Charlie.
Oh, no. 
Nothing so glamorous.
I'm at the Civil Laboratory.
Oh, the government lab?
How fascinating.
Are you enjoying it?
I've never seen anything like it.
Every gesture has a meaning.
See how she covers her face with the cloth?
She is mourning her misfortune.
What happened to her?
She was sold into slavery.
Condemned to a life of drudgery and despair in a strange land far from home.
See the chains?
They represent the heavy bondage of her poor trapped soul from which there is no escape.
And so she weeps.
She weeps for the lively, vivacious girl she once was the lonely woman she has become and most of all, she weeps for the love she'll never feel for the love she'll never give.
Is that really what she's saying?
Actually, I haven't a clue what she's on about.
I don't speak Chinese.
What was that?
Perhaps it was the amah...
They've gone.
- He heard us.
- Who?
Walter.
Walter. 
What if it was?
- For all he knows, you were taking a nap.
- With my doors locked?
Kitty, dear, you need a drink.
Even if it was, my impression is he'll do nothing.
That's flattering.
He knows as well as anyone there's nothing to be gained by making a scandal.
Has it occurred to you that my husband is in love with me?
I have a feeling you're about to say something awful.
It's just that women are often under the impression that men are much more in love with them than they really are.
I wouldn't delude myself for a second that you were in love with me.
Now there you're wrong.
Do you like your present?
It's good enough.
Charlie?
Do I make you as happy as you make me?
Of course you do, darling.
- Hassan?
- Yes?
- Who brought this package around?
- Dr. Fane.
- When?
- While you sleeping.
It's nearly midday.
We could stop up here under the trees but I'd like to press on if it's all right with you.
Certainly my comfort's of no concern to you.
Right. 
Then we'll continue.
Charlie Townsend, please.
Charles Townsend.
I need to see you.
Kitty, I can't possibly see you.
I've got a meeting in an hour at the club.
What is it?
I have to go.
What are you doing home?
I'm sorry, there's something I need to speak with you about.
Actually, I was just about to take my bath.
I'm afraid it's rather important, darling.
Can't wait.
Sit down.
Do you know a place called Mei-tan-fu?
No.
Well, it... 
It was in the papers the other day.
It's a small town on a tributary of the Yangtze River, in the interior.
They've had an outbreak of cholera there.
It's the worst epidemic anyone's seen in a long time.
The Chinese medical officer has died.
There's a convent of French nuns trying to run the hospital.
They're doing the best they can, but people are dropping like flies.
I have volunteered to go and to take charge.
- Why?
- Because they need a doctor.
But you're not a doctor.
You're a bacteriologist.
I'm an M.D. The fact that I'm foremost a scientist is actually all to the good in this case.
Won't it be awfully dangerous?
I suppose it might, yes.
Now, Mei-tan-fu is a 10-day journey.
You can go by rail for the first part.
But after that it's carriage, and then we'll have to take a sedan chair.
Who's we?
- Why, you and I, of course.
- You're not expecting me to come too.
I hoped that if I was going, you would want to go.
Surely it's no place for a woman.
It would be madness for me to go.
- Why should I?
- To cheer and comfort me?
No. 
No, I won't go.
In fact, it's monstrous of you to even ask me.
Fine. 
Then I shall file my petition for divorce tomorrow.
I'm afraid that you have thought me a bigger fool than I am.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Don't you?
I am divorcing you for adultery.
I am naming Charles Townsend as your lover.
I'm sorry, Walter.
I realize this is very unpleasant.
But, please, let's not make this uglier than it needs to be.
By all means. 
What is it that you propose that we should do?
You could let me divorce you quietly.
You divorce me?
- On what grounds?
- That's what a gentleman would do.
Give me one reason to put myself to an inconvenience on your account.
Please, Walter, don't be so hateful.
We didn't mean to hurt anyone.
But Charlie and I have fallen in love.
- He wants to marry me.
- Really?
I knew that you weren't the cleverest girl but I didn't know you were actually a fool.
Yes. 
Well, if it makes you feel better to hurt me, then go ahead.
But you might as well get used to it.
We love each other.
And we're sick to death of the secrecy and compromise and the rest.
Now you curse the day that you ever met me.
Stop mocking me.
There's no other response for such pathetic behavior.
It's comic.
When I think about how hard I have tried to make you happy.
Debasing myself, acting as though I was as thrilled as you by the latest gossip.
- I don't have to listen to this.
- And as ignorant of the world as you are...
If you interrupt me again, I'll strangle you.
Sit down.
I knew when I married you that you were selfish and spoiled.
But I loved you.
I knew that you married me only to get as far away from your mother as possible and I hoped that one day there'd be something more.
I was wrong.
You don't have it in you.
If a man hasn't what's necessary to make a woman love him then it's his fault, not hers.
Either way.
Tomorrow morning we are to leave for Mei-tan-fu, or I shall file my petition.
You can't be serious about taking me into the middle of a cholera epidemic.
Do you think that I'm not?
My God.
That's what you want, isn't it?
Do you really think Charlie will let you do this?
I don't think Charlie has very much to say about it.
Everything you said is true.
Everything.
I married you even though I didn't love you.
But you knew that.
Aren't you as much to blame for what's happened as I?
All right.
Here's what I'll do.
Gentlemen, we all have assets to protect here.
Unfortunately, Mr. Nagata's actions have created a rather urgent situation.
It was an unfortunate but unavoidable incident.
- Your foreman shot a worker.
- He was an agitator.
He was a Chinese.
You may have suppressed a very small strike but in doing so, you have started a very large demonstration.
I need to use your pen, please.
- Here you are, miss.
- Thank you.
What about support from Chiang Kai-shek?
Where does he stand?
He's a nationalist.
He will stand on the side of the Chinese.
That's why they call themselves nationalists.
Excuse me.
Mr. Townsend.
I think you underestimated the situation.
I have three of my mills shut down because of walkouts.
- There is talk about boycotts.
- What do you propose?
A handful of municipal soldiers is hardly a show of force.
If you'll excuse me.
Mrs. Fane. 
What a pleasant surprise.
You've rescued me from a pack of wild bores.
I wouldn't have come if it wasn't necessary.
Are you all right?
I needed to see you. 
I'm sorry.
Kitty, this is not the most opportune time for me to...
Charlie. 
He knows.
Right.
After you, Mrs. Fane.
- Hello, Charlie.
- Hello, George.
- Hello, Townsend.
- Pardon.
He wants a divorce.
You didn't commit yourself, did you?
- Acknowledge anything?
- No.
- Are you sure?
- Quite sure.
Well, this is a bloody scrape we're in.
He says he has proof.
We deny it. 
He can't prove anything.
Besides, it wouldn't do him any good to create a scandal.
But there isn't going to be a scandal.
Walter's agreed to let me divorce him quietly.
That's not so terrible, is it?
- Will you hold me?
- Of course I will.
Oh, God.
Charlie?
His offer comes with a condition.
- I'm not a rich man.
- He doesn't want your money.
He's agreed to let me divorce him if Dorothy will agree to divorce you.
And if...
What?
If you'll promise to marry me.
You know, darling, whatever happens, we must try to keep Dorothy out of it.
What do you mean?
We can't only think of ourselves.
I know Dorothy. 
Nothing in the world will induce her to divorce me.
You don't want to divorce her.
- It's not a question of my marriage.
- Then what is it?
Do you have any idea of the importance of my station here? 
If I were...
Why are you laughing?
I don't think Walter intended for one minute to divorce me.
He knew you'd let me down.
- Try to understand.
- I understand, all right.
Kitty. 
Kitty, please.
We'll work this out, I promise.
- I'm coming with you.
- Good. 
I thought you might.
I suppose I needn't take more than a few summer things? 
And a shroud?
I've told Hassan what you'll need.
She's packing already.
I wouldn't touch that if I was you.
They may have died in that bed.
This can be your room.
You must be the doctor's wife.
I've just met your husband and invited myself to dinner.
I've kept the Watsons' cook for you.
She's not bad.
She'll have to do as your amah as well.
We're a little short-handed here.
Sorry, my name is Waddington.
Oh, yes, of course. 
Kitty Fane.
- I'm the deputy commissioner.
- Please.
I believe you're one of our neighbors.
Only neighbor, I'm afraid.
Last one standing.
And Watson was the missionary living here?
Yes. 
Nice fellow. 
American.
Lovely family.
I'll show you their graves tomorrow, if you like.
How kind of you.
I hope your journey wasn't too arduous.
We've been traveling for two weeks.
Two weeks?
- What did you do, swim?
- No, we didn't come upriver.
- Came overland.
- Whatever for?
Well, we wanted to take in a bit of the countryside.
Get a bit of sun. 
Didn't we, darling?
Anyone for a cocktail?
Here's luck.
I was told I might get some help from the local army officer.
Colonel Yu, is it?
Good luck with him.
He's not fond of us British.
Listen, I'll warn you, things are pretty dicey even out here.
I'm afraid that if the cholera doesn't get us, the nationalists might.
Tried to get those nuns to go but they refused.
They all want to be martyrs, damn them.
Well, why have you stayed?
I was posted here. 
Simple as that.
I was shocked to hear you'd volunteered.
Opportunity for research.
I couldn't pass it up.
Yes. 
And you?
I don't suppose you've come to Mei-tan-fu for the research.
My husband's the scientist.
Indeed.
Did you have any reaction to the inoculation?
- You have been inoculated?
- Yes, of course.
No guarantee.
The Watsons were inoculated and it didn't do them much good.
Oh, have you brought any gramophone records?
- No, unfortunately not.
- Pity.
I'm sick of all mine.
Listen. 
What's all that?
Across the river.
Trying to frighten off the spirit of death.
I'm going to town in the morning, have a look around.
I expect you'll want to rest.
I can inoculate you in the evening.
- Will you be doing yourself?
- No, I don't think so.
- You needn't bother with me, then.
- Suit yourself.
Tell me, Walter is it a long, drawn-out affair, dying of cholera?
No. 
All of the fluid goes out of you in the first 36 hours.
You die of dehydration, actually.
So it's messy and very painful.
But it is relatively quick.
Good night.
It's rather unfortunate.
I thought perhaps that you and your wife you'd like to take precautions in case you'd have to leave this place.
Do you think all this is really necessary?
You can see the picture.
I thought you'd like to put your wife's mind at rest from this situation.
This is Colonel Yu.
He's the KMT's man.
He's posting one of his men here at the house.
Am I a prisoner?
No. 
It was Mr. Waddington's idea, actually.
- He feels we should take precautions.
- Precautions against what?
A few days ago, British troops opened fire on a group of Chinese workers who were demonstrating in Shanghai.
Eleven were killed.
We've only just heard.
Those were plastered around the town last night.
I shouldn't worry too much.
Even the nationalists are afraid of cholera.
Do they take that water from the well?
Can I see where they get their drinking water?
Well, for starters, we've got to stop people from using this well until I can test it.
Do you understand?
Yes, I understand, Dr. Fane.
I received my military training in Moscow.
If you don't like English, we can speak Russian.
English will be fine. 
Thank you.
Here. 
You have seen cholera before, yes, doctor?
- At the laboratory, of course.
- No, I mean in a patient.
No. 
I haven't had the chance, actually.
Well, I'm not a clinician.
Did they not tell you?
I'm an infectious-disease specialist.
- Shall we?
- After you, doctor.
No, it's all right. 
I'm all right.
All right, let's go.
I don't need you.
Go back.
Mr. Waddington?
I'm looking for Mr. Waddington.
Wait here. 
All right?
Hello?
Mr. Waddington?
Mrs. Fane?
Good morning.
What can I do for you, Mrs. Fane?
I found a record for you.
Stravinsky. 
Very modern. 
Thank you.
Was there something else?
Yes. 
I was wondering if you could tell me when the post comes through.
It's for Shanghai.
Unfortunately, since the cholera the cowards won't venture past the river port.
But leave it with me.
A local trader I know is making the trip on Friday.
Townsend.
- Charlie Townsend?
- Yes.
He's an acquaintance of my husband.
- Do you know him?
- Years ago.
We were both assigned to the consulate in Shanghai.
Charming wife.
Yes. 
They're very popular, aren't they?
He'd made a science of popularity.
- So you know his family?
- Well, well enough.
I like Dorothy.
Yes, I understand they're quite the devoted couple.
Oh, he had his little flirtations.
Nothing serious.
I once heard her say she found it most unflattering that the women who fell for her husband were so consistently second-rate.
Well, enjoy the record.
Mrs. Fane?
The letter.
Right.
Yes, it suddenly occurred to me that Friday's much too late.
Thanks all the same.
Can you pass the salt, please?
I'm sorry, did you say something?
Could you pass the salt?
Thank you.
So this is how it's going to be.
Passing her evenings in silence.
Walter.
Walter.
I wonder if you haven't gone insane.
- She's not cooking it.
- Leave it.
Leave it.
Thank you.
Are you looking to kill yourself?
Town well's contaminated.
This is dirty. 
It's dirty.
What?
Mr. Waddington?
Mrs. Fane? 
Mrs. Fane?
Mrs. Fane?
Come away. 
Come away.
What's the matter with Te-Ming?
You have the dead man on you.
They're very superstitious, aren't they?
She's lost three children and a husband to the cholera.
So you can hardly blame her.
You know, this is no place for a woman.
When they telegraphed me that you were coming out, I was astonished.
I imagined you might be a grim-visaged old nurse with thick legs and a moustache.
I came into the bungalow and there you were frail and tired and very unhappy.
It was a long journey.
But you're unhappy now.
And it occurred to me that you and your husband might be madly in love and you'd simply refused to stay behind.
- That's a reasonable explanation.
- Yes.
But it's not the right one.
Do you know what I find strange?
That your husband should never look at you.
He looks at the walls, the floor, his shoes.
He has a great deal on his mind.
Yes, I'm sure of it.
Dr. Fane?
Dr. Fane?
Oh, God.
All right.
What are you doing?
Martini?
Yes?
I'm the bearer of a message from the Mother Superior.
Who?
The nun who supervises the orphanage and the hospital.
I didn't know she was aware of my existence.
Well, apparently, Mr. Waddington has spoken of you.
She would very much like to meet the loving, loyal wife of the compassionate Dr. Fane.
Right. 
Then I must prepare myself for the charade.
She does understand if you don't want to venture into the center of the epidemic.
If you're not afraid, why should I be?
I forgot.
Walter? 
Oh, my God.
You're drunk.
Don't expect anything grand.
They're miserably poor.
Hello.
It is a great pleasure to make the acquaintance of the wife of our good and brave doctor.
Lovely to meet you too.
Mr. Waddington.
You must eat the madeleine.
Sister St. Joseph made them for you herself this morning.
So tell me, Mrs. Fane to which faith do you subscribe?
Excuse me.
We attended services.
Not religiously... 
Regularly.
You could say I'm a member of the Church of England.
Which is an inoffensive way of saying you don't quite believe in anything much.
You're very pretty.
And very young.
I assure you I'm not. 
I feel ancient.
If Mrs. Fane would like to see over the convent and orphanage I shall be glad to show her.
Alone.
We keep the older girls busy with sewing.
It keeps them occupied.
And earns money for the convent.
That one won't allow us to baptize her.
Our music room.
Sister Maryse.
Sister Dominique was our pianist.
She died last week. 
Cholera.
Through there is the infirmary.
It is not a sight one would wish to see.
Shall I call Dr. Fane out to see you?
No. 
You needn't disturb him.
Now, with the epidemic, we have even more to care for.
This baby was brought in this morning.
Another orphan.
She says Dr. Fane loves babies.
He spends as much time as he can helping them out in the nursery.
Mrs. Fane?
Mrs. Fane?
You all right?
Yes.
It's nothing, only foolishness.
What do you want?
Sorry.
- I brought you your supper.
- All right. 
Just leave it there.
Is there something else?
What's that you're doing?
I am testing the nitrate levels of a local tomato.
Why?
Why?
Can't possibly interest you.
Well, enjoy your supper.
Walter.
What do you propose we should do if we get through the epidemic?
I have no idea.
But I don't think any good will come of talking about a situation we should forget.
- But you don't forget.
- Please. 
I really must work.
Won't you listen to what I have to say?
All right. 
If you insist.
It's just, today having been at the convent, with those nuns.
What have they done, converted you?
No. 
They spoke of you.
- And it made me feel...
- What?
It made you feel what?
- I think I've been afraid of you.
- Well, you should have been.
Excuse me.
If I can't work, I'm going to bed.
I know you're angry at me.
But if we could just try and talk about...
Honestly, I don't understand you.
What is it that you want from me?
Perhaps I just want us to be a little less unhappy.
You're mistaken in thinking I am.
I have too much to do to think of you very much.
That's exactly what I'm trying to say.
I feel useless.
What do you propose that I do about that?
For God sakes, will you stop punishing me?
Do you absolutely despise me?
- No. 
I despise myself.
- Why?
For allowing myself to love you once.
Hello.
I'm very well. 
And you?
For you. 
And you.
I hope I haven't come at an inconvenient time.
Sister Maryse died last night.
I've just written to inform her parents.
I'm so sorry.
But it is sinful of me to grieve when I know that her good and simple soul has flown straight to heaven.
How can I help you?
Well, I'm sure that with the sister's death you must be even more short-handed.
You see, I was wondering if I could come to the convent and do anything, just...
Just to help out.
My dear child, don't you think you've done enough...
I've been here a month and, believe me, I have nothing to do from morning till night.
Perhaps I could help with the sisters in the hospital.
That is impossible.
Cholera is a terrible thing to see.
Besides, what would happen if you should fall ill?
I'd be happy to scrub the floors.
Anything. 
Just something to feel useful.
That will not be necessary.
The orphans scrub the floors.
No, no, it is our business and our privilege to do such things.
But there is always more to do each day.
Have you spoken to your husband of your wish?
Yes.
I don't know what you're saying.
I also found traces in the river, downstream from the burial grounds.
- You've checked these results?
- I tested it three times.
Well, that's it, then.
I would recommend barricading the bathing area.
Cut off all access to the river.
How far do you expect people to walk for water?
I've no idea. 
Upriver, at least a half-mile above the burial ground.
- That's too far.
- Nevertheless.
I agree with Dr. Fane. 
It's necessary.
Also, I thought we'd agreed to post a directive to dispose of the corpses immediately.
We've done that already.
If you don't enforce it, then it doesn't matter.
Families are hiding bodies for days.
- They bury them too close to the river.
- I understand.
You don't have to explain it twice.
Colonel, I respectfully request that you order your soldiers to enter these people's homes and remove the bodies by force if necessary.
It's all right.
Hello.
I understand.
The spirits need access to the water.
I understand that.
I just want to move a few of these so they don't live in the water.
He said they're under the protection of their warlord.
If he wants to move the bodies, he will send his own soldiers.
It isn't the best time for a Western woman to explore a Chinese town by herself.
Oh, do be quiet.
As if you care whether I'm killed by nationalists or boredom.
Besides, I wasn't alone.
I was with my gallant protector, Sung Ching.
By the way, you might be happy to know that I am just as useless to the nuns as I am to you.
I shut off the town's only water supply today.
What will you do?
I have no idea.
Then I suppose we're both useless.
At last, something in common.
Dr. Fane. 
We've both been caught out in the weather.
Not now, sorry.
I beg your pardon?
- Counting.
- Counting?
We'll camp here tonight.
What makes you think this warlord will cooperate?
I don't think he will.
So, what do you plan to say to persuade him?
I don't know.
These men are like animals.
They have no vision.
They only have hunger and strength.
Men like this have held the real power in China since I was young.
But that time is coming to an end.
There's no place for them in the new China.
I don't think you like my being here very much either, do you?
I think China belongs to Chinese people but the rest of the world seems to disagree.
Yes, but that's got nothing to do with me.
I didn't come here with a gun, you know.
I came with a microscope.
I believe you.
But it would be nice to do this work together without your country's guns pointing at our people.
Our plan is to divert the water to the town from the fields upriver, above the burial grounds.
With your permission and the assistance of your troops the graves will be moved away from the water and Colonel Yu and his men will enforce the prompt burial of the dead.
Maintaining the integrity of the water sources and enforcing proper sanitation over the next weeks will make a difference between a few more deaths and possibly thousands.
He said no.
He doesn't speak any English, does he?
Tell him that's the most ridiculous suit that I've ever seen.
I'm sorry.
Do not stop on my account if Dr. Fane is enjoying himself.
No. 
No, not at all.
No, I... 
It's very nice.
I just... 
I was passing.
- No. 
Stay.
- I should go.
I insist.
- All right, if you like.
- Continue, Mrs. Fane.
But perhaps something a little more soothing.
Yes, of course.
They brought in a new baby today.
The girls named her Zan Xien.
It means "brand-new."
The nuns are going to call it Katherine, which, of course none of the girls will be able to say.
Thank goodness for those nuns.
They do so much for so little in return.
I suppose you could look at it that way.
You suppose?
I think it might be a bit more complicated than that.
They take in desperate children and give them a chance at life.
What could be so complicated about that?
They also go to young mothers in their homes.
They ask them to give their babies to the convent.
They offer them money to support their families to persuade them to do it.
They're not just here to run an orphanage, your nuns.
They're turning those children into little Catholics.
None of us are in China without a reason.
Still, on the whole I think that what they're doing is a pretty good deed, don't you?
I'm here to study bacteria.
I don't feel a need to have an opinion about the rest.
Well, I do, and I admire them.
I don't think it has to be so complicated and gloomy.
And I think what you're doing, for instance, is incredibly noble.
You used to feel contempt for me.
Don't you still?
Walter. 
I can't believe that you, with all your cleverness should have such little sense of proportion.
We humans are more complex than your silly little microbes.
We're unpredictable.
We make mistakes and we disappoint.
- Yes, we certainly do.
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm not the perfect young woman that you want me to be.
I'm just ordinary.
I never tried to pretend that I was anything else.
No, you certainly didn't.
I like the theater, and dancing and playing tennis. 
I like games.
I like men who play games.
God forgive me, that's the way I was brought up.
I play a pretty fierce hand of bridge.
Oh, well, that's bloody exciting.
And you, you dragged me around all those interminable galleries in Venice blathering on about the miracle of the canals and the flushing of the lagoon system, or some such nonsense.
Honestly, I'd have been much happier playing golf at Sandwich.
I suppose you're right.
It was silly of us to look for qualities in each other that we never had.
Yes.
Yes, it was.
Walter?
Why didn't you break down that door when you knew I was in there with Charlie?
You might have at least tried to thrash him.
He wasn't worth it.
Or maybe I'm just too proud to fight.
I don't know about that.
I've told Mother Superior to keep her sisters inside the convent.
I put a guard outside the gate.
- I'd advise any Westerners to stay indoors.
- All right.
Sister, has Mrs. Fane been at the convent today?
Oui, doctor.
But she has left a few minutes ago.
Sung Ching.
Let's go. 
Let's go!
Let's go!
Stop it!
Sung Ching! 
Where's Mrs. Fane?
Where's Mrs. Fane?
I don't know what you're saying!
Get away from her.
- Are you all right?
- Yes.
Come on.
We're out of whiskey.
Dr. Fane.
Could I trouble you for a drink?
Hello, darling.
I was stationed at Hankow during the revolution when they were massacring all the Manchus.
I was able to help a particular family.
New documents, that sort of thing.
She was the youngest of the daughters.
I didn't pay her too much attention at first.
Well, more than I should have, I suppose.
When I left Hankow, she followed me.
I sent her back two, three times, but she kept coming back.
I didn't realize you had so much affection for her.
What makes you think I do?
I can see it in your eyes.
Men are incalculable.
I thought you were just like everybody else and now I feel I don't know the first thing about you.
I wonder what she sees in you.
Wan Xi.
She says I'm a good man.
As if a woman ever loved a man for his virtue.
Morning.
Morning.
I should think it best to stay away from town today.
All right.
I'm going for a walk.
Come on, then.
What on earth are you doing all the way out here?
Walking off a crippling hangover.
What are you doing?
Well, I've been attempting to purchase a stalk of bamboo off this fine gentleman here, but his price is exorbitant.
My head is too shattered to negotiate.
- So would you like a ride home?
- On what?
The buffalo?
You see, we're diverting it from these fields temporarily sending it into the center of town, where they can get at it easily.
It's over a half-mile.
It gave us a devil of a time in some places.
Oh, Mother.
Am I going to die?
Come, come. 
You mustn't be so silly.
Listen, ma ch¨¨re.
Is it possible you are with child?
- No.
- Oh, yes.
- No.
- Yes.
I mean...
I suppose it's possible.
- There is no doubt about it.
- Yes. 
Sister St. Joseph knew at once.
She comes from a large family, so she has experience in these matters.
I can't believe it.
Why can't you believe it?
Having a child is so natural.
Yes.
Think how happy your husband will be.
And what's happened here?
- I'm all right.
- They said you fainted.
- I'm fine.
- Let me look at you.
It's not cholera.
No. 
I don't think so.
Did you feel nauseous? 
Or just faint?
Walter, stop.
I'm pregnant.
A baby?
You're quite certain?
Yes.
Well, that's wonderful.
How long do you think you've been like this?
Two months.
Maybe longer.
Kitty.
Am I the father?
I honestly don't know.
I'm sorry.
Well it doesn't matter now does it?
No.
No, it doesn't.
Dr. Fane?
Come with me.
- What is this? 
Where are they coming from?
- The cholera spread south along the river.
They have no doctors or facilities there.
They'll contaminate everything.
We've got to keep them outside town.
Dr. Fane.
Dr. Fane!
Stop. 
Stop. 
Stop.
Stop here. 
We can help you here.
Colonel, tell them not to go into town!
We'll help here!
Mrs. Fane.
Gather all the children in the music room.
Wait here.
Let's go.
That boy, bring him here. 
Bring him in.
I don't understand.
Why didn't he wake me?
He made an early start, and you needed the rest.
- How far is the refugee camp?
- Just outside the town, in the foothills.
Dr. Fane told me he wanted you to leave, but you would not.
I didn't want to leave you.
Yes, and we appreciate it, dear child.
But I think you did not want to leave him either.
Well, it's my duty.
Duty is only washing your hands when they are dirty.
I fell in love when I was 17, with God.
A foolish girl with romantic notions about the life of a religious.
But my love was passionate.
Over the years my feelings have changed.
He's disappointed me. 
Ignored me.
We've settled into a relationship of peaceful indifference.
The old husband and wife who sit side by side on the sofa, but rarely speak.
He knows I will never leave him.
This is my duty.
But when love and duty are one, then grace is within you.
Your soldier is waiting to take you back.
- I'd rather stay.
- No.
What? 
What is it?
What?
Mrs. Fane?
Mr. Waddington?
It's your husband.
What? 
What is it?
He's been taken ill.
Where is he?
Mrs. Fane.
- Walter.
- Oh, no. 
She can't be here. 
It's not safe.
- Waddington.
- I'm afraid I've got no say in the matter.
I don't want an audience.
You have to go.
- Your baby.
- Please, you must go.
Walter, tell me what I should do.
Slow that drip down.
It's running too fast.
Good, good.
Kitty? 
Kitty.
It's going to get much worse before it breaks.
Are you prepared for this?
Yes.
What is it?
Can you send for more?
Kitty.
Kitty.
Are you awake?
Are you feeling better?
Forgive me.
Forgive you?
There's nothing to forgive.
Walter I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Mrs. Fane?
Dr. Fane would want to be buried immediately.
Yes, of course.
What are you doing?
It's silly, really.
They'll die in a week.
It's hardly worth the cost.
- What do you think?
- I think they're quite nice.
Really?
I think you're right.
Come on.
We better hurry. 
Grandfather's waiting.
Kitty Fane?
As I live and breathe.
Hello, Charlie.
What are you doing in London?
I know it's been a long time.
I should have written.
Who's this fine chap? 
Hello, young man.
- What's your name?
- Walter.
Hello, Walter. 
I'm Charlie Townsend.
- How old are you?
- Five.
- Five?
- Come on, darling.
We should really press on.
Yes, of course. 
Well, it's lovely seeing you again.
And you.
- Goodbye, Walter.
- Goodbye.
Kitty.
I'm in London for three weeks.
Perhaps we could...
Goodbye, Mr. Townsend.
Goodbye, Mrs. Fane.
Who was that, Mommy?
No one important, darling.
[ENGLISH]

- Hello.
- Hello.
Say, I was wondering...
What?
Sorry. 
I was wondering if you'd like to dance.
Why not?
Kitty, who was the young man you were dancing with last night?
Which one?
Quiet, serious-looking one.
Oh, him.
- I suppose you invited him, mother.
- I don't know who you're talking about.
I invited him.
His name is Fane and he's a doctor.
He manages a government laboratory in Shanghai.
- A civil servant?
In any case.
He called around last Sunday.
We had a long chat.
I told him to come back anytime.
It's not often that you like any of my young men.
Well, do you like him?
- Not really.
- What's wrong with him?
- Is he in love with you?
- I don't know.
I thought by now you'd know when a young man was in love with you.
The point is whether I'm in love with him, and I'm not.
You'd better be careful, young lady.
Time can run out, you know.
Oh, stop it, mother. 
Honestly.
The very idea that a woman should marry any Tom, Dick, or Harry regardless of her own feelings is simply prehistoric.
How much longer do you expect your father to go on supporting you?
- Hello.
- Hello. I...
I was... 
I was just coming...
Your father invited me.
I'm going out.
May I join you?
Right on time.
What is it exactly that you do?
I'm a bacteriologist.
That must be fascinating.
You have no idea what that is, do you?
No, I'm afraid not.
No. 
There's no reason you should.
I study the microorganisms that carry disease.
Charming.
No, it's not, actually. 
It's the opposite.
Shall we step inside?
Do you like flowers?
Not particularly, no.
Well, I mean, yes. 
But we don't really have them around the house.
Mother says, "Why purchase something you can grow for free?"
Then, we don't really grow them either.
Does seem silly, really.
To put all that effort into something that's just going to die.
I'd like to say something to you.
I came to see you to ask you if you'll marry me.
You could knock me down with a feather.
Could you not tell that I'm in love with you?
You never showed it.
Oh, I...
Well, I wanted to. 
It's difficult. 
I...
But there it is.
Right.
I'm not sure that's very well put.
No, it's not. 
You see how clumsy I am.
I... 
I'm terrible at these sorts of things.
But the thing is, I've got to get back to China very soon.
I don't have time to be cautious.
I've never thought of you in that way.
- I improve greatly upon acquaintance.
- I'm sure you do...
I'd do anything in my power to make you happy.
Anything at all.
I think you'd like Shanghai.
It's quite exciting, it is.
Lots of dancing.
Surely you're not expecting me to answer this second.
I don't know you at all.
Yes. 
Ye...
Well, we had the highest of hopes but no expectation that he'd ask her so soon.
Yes. 
A lovely late autumn wedding.
Oh, she's done very well for herself, has my Doris.
At least one of them's made a success.
No, I gave up on Kitty ages ago.
Yes.
Yes. 
Well, I know you understand.
Yes.
Well?
Is it smaller than you imagined?
I'm not sure what I imagined.
Don't you have a piano?
No. 
I don't play the piano.
- Who is it?
- It's I.
Come in.
Just wanted to see if you were all settled.
So, then, you're comfortable, then?
Do you need anything?
No. 
I'm fine. 
Thank you.
Good. 
Good.
I am so happy you're here.
- Shall I shut the lamp?
- What for?
I must shut the lamp.
It's raining cats and dogs.
I said, it's raining cats and dogs.
Yes, I heard you.
- You might have answered.
- I'm sorry.
I... 
I've gotten used to not speaking unless I have something to say.
If nobody spoke unless they had something to say the human race would soon lose the power of speech.
Walter.
I'm sorry.
You're right. 
What...?
What shall we do? 
Shall we?
Shall we play a game?
You don't like the games I play.
They bore you.
Nonsense. 
Let's play cards.
Do you think you'd enjoy a night out?
We have an invitation for Saturday night.
- From whom?
- The Townsends.
Dorothy Townsend.
Do you not like her?
I've only met her once, but there's no reason for her to put on such airs.
- Does she?
- Yes. 
I have no idea why.
Because she was, what, married to a vice consul?
Honestly, they're absurd, this Shanghai set.
Mother wouldn't dream of asking half of them to dinner.
I'm taking that black five.
Well, it's all right.
I thought you might enjoy it but we certainly don't have to go.
I don't care either way.
Go where?
- Kitty Fane?
- Hello, Dorothy.
- I'm so glad you could come.
- This is Walter.
- I'm pleased to meet you.
- This is my husband.
Charlie, stop talking and greet our guests.
- You know Mr. Fane.
- Charlie.
- It's Dr. Fane, darling.
- Oh, dear.
- I do beg your pardon, Dr. Fane.
- Not at all.
- And this is Dr. Fane's wife, Kitty.
- Mrs. Fane.
- Mr. Townsend.
- I do apologize, Dr. Fane.
I assumed you worked with Charlie.
Oh, no. 
Nothing so glamorous.
I'm at the Civil Laboratory.
Oh, the government lab?
How fascinating.
Are you enjoying it?
I've never seen anything like it.
Every gesture has a meaning.
See how she covers her face with the cloth?
She is mourning her misfortune.
What happened to her?
She was sold into slavery.
Condemned to a life of drudgery and despair in a strange land far from home.
See the chains?
They represent the heavy bondage of her poor trapped soul from which there is no escape.
And so she weeps.
She weeps for the lively, vivacious girl she once was the lonely woman she has become and most of all, she weeps for the love she'll never feel for the love she'll never give.
Is that really what she's saying?
Actually, I haven't a clue what she's on about.
I don't speak Chinese.
What was that?
Perhaps it was the amah...
They've gone.
- He heard us.
- Who?
Walter.
Walter. 
What if it was?
- For all he knows, you were taking a nap.
- With my doors locked?
Kitty, dear, you need a drink.
Even if it was, my impression is he'll do nothing.
That's flattering.
He knows as well as anyone there's nothing to be gained by making a scandal.
Has it occurred to you that my husband is in love with me?
I have a feeling you're about to say something awful.
It's just that women are often under the impression that men are much more in love with them than they really are.
I wouldn't delude myself for a second that you were in love with me.
Now there you're wrong.
Do you like your present?
It's good enough.
Charlie?
Do I make you as happy as you make me?
Of course you do, darling.
- Hassan?
- Yes?
- Who brought this package around?
- Dr. Fane.
- When?
- While you sleeping.
It's nearly midday.
We could stop up here under the trees but I'd like to press on if it's all right with you.
Certainly my comfort's of no concern to you.
Right. 
Then we'll continue.
Charlie Townsend, please.
Charles Townsend.
I need to see you.
Kitty, I can't possibly see you.
I've got a meeting in an hour at the club.
What is it?
I have to go.
What are you doing home?
I'm sorry, there's something I need to speak with you about.
Actually, I was just about to take my bath.
I'm afraid it's rather important, darling.
Can't wait.
Sit down.
Do you know a place called Mei-tan-fu?
No.
Well, it... 
It was in the papers the other day.
It's a small town on a tributary of the Yangtze River, in the interior.
They've had an outbreak of cholera there.
It's the worst epidemic anyone's seen in a long time.
The Chinese medical officer has died.
There's a convent of French nuns trying to run the hospital.
They're doing the best they can, but people are dropping like flies.
I have volunteered to go and to take charge.
- Why?
- Because they need a doctor.
But you're not a doctor.
You're a bacteriologist.
I'm an M.D. The fact that I'm foremost a scientist is actually all to the good in this case.
Won't it be awfully dangerous?
I suppose it might, yes.
Now, Mei-tan-fu is a 10-day journey.
You can go by rail for the first part.
But after that it's carriage, and then we'll have to take a sedan chair.
Who's we?
- Why, you and I, of course.
- You're not expecting me to come too.
I hoped that if I was going, you would want to go.
Surely it's no place for a woman.
It would be madness for me to go.
- Why should I?
- To cheer and comfort me?
No. 
No, I won't go.
In fact, it's monstrous of you to even ask me.
Fine. 
Then I shall file my petition for divorce tomorrow.
I'm afraid that you have thought me a bigger fool than I am.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Don't you?
I am divorcing you for adultery.
I am naming Charles Townsend as your lover.
I'm sorry, Walter.
I realize this is very unpleasant.
But, please, let's not make this uglier than it needs to be.
By all means. 
What is it that you propose that we should do?
You could let me divorce you quietly.
You divorce me?
- On what grounds?
- That's what a gentleman would do.
Give me one reason to put myself to an inconvenience on your account.
Please, Walter, don't be so hateful.
We didn't mean to hurt anyone.
But Charlie and I have fallen in love.
- He wants to marry me.
- Really?
I knew that you weren't the cleverest girl but I didn't know you were actually a fool.
Yes. 
Well, if it makes you feel better to hurt me, then go ahead.
But you might as well get used to it.
We love each other.
And we're sick to death of the secrecy and compromise and the rest.
Now you curse the day that you ever met me.
Stop mocking me.
There's no other response for such pathetic behavior.
It's comic.
When I think about how hard I have tried to make you happy.
Debasing myself, acting as though I was as thrilled as you by the latest gossip.
- I don't have to listen to this.
- And as ignorant of the world as you are...
If you interrupt me again, I'll strangle you.
Sit down.
I knew when I married you that you were selfish and spoiled.
But I loved you.
I knew that you married me only to get as far away from your mother as possible and I hoped that one day there'd be something more.
I was wrong.
You don't have it in you.
If a man hasn't what's necessary to make a woman love him then it's his fault, not hers.
Either way.
Tomorrow morning we are to leave for Mei-tan-fu, or I shall file my petition.
You can't be serious about taking me into the middle of a cholera epidemic.
Do you think that I'm not?
My God.
That's what you want, isn't it?
Do you really think Charlie will let you do this?
I don't think Charlie has very much to say about it.
Everything you said is true.
Everything.
I married you even though I didn't love you.
But you knew that.
Aren't you as much to blame for what's happened as I?
All right.
Here's what I'll do.
Gentlemen, we all have assets to protect here.
Unfortunately, Mr. Nagata's actions have created a rather urgent situation.
It was an unfortunate but unavoidable incident.
- Your foreman shot a worker.
- He was an agitator.
He was a Chinese.
You may have suppressed a very small strike but in doing so, you have started a very large demonstration.
I need to use your pen, please.
- Here you are, miss.
- Thank you.
What about support from Chiang Kai-shek?
Where does he stand?
He's a nationalist.
He will stand on the side of the Chinese.
That's why they call themselves nationalists.
Excuse me.
Mr. Townsend.
I think you underestimated the situation.
I have three of my mills shut down because of walkouts.
- There is talk about boycotts.
- What do you propose?
A handful of municipal soldiers is hardly a show of force.
If you'll excuse me.
Mrs. Fane. 
What a pleasant surprise.
You've rescued me from a pack of wild bores.
I wouldn't have come if it wasn't necessary.
Are you all right?
I needed to see you. 
I'm sorry.
Kitty, this is not the most opportune time for me to...
Charlie. 
He knows.
Right.
After you, Mrs. Fane.
- Hello, Charlie.
- Hello, George.
- Hello, Townsend.
- Pardon.
He wants a divorce.
You didn't commit yourself, did you?
- Acknowledge anything?
- No.
- Are you sure?
- Quite sure.
Well, this is a bloody scrape we're in.
He says he has proof.
We deny it. 
He can't prove anything.
Besides, it wouldn't do him any good to create a scandal.
But there isn't going to be a scandal.
Walter's agreed to let me divorce him quietly.
That's not so terrible, is it?
- Will you hold me?
- Of course I will.
Oh, God.
Charlie?
His offer comes with a condition.
- I'm not a rich man.
- He doesn't want your money.
He's agreed to let me divorce him if Dorothy will agree to divorce you.
And if...
What?
If you'll promise to marry me.
You know, darling, whatever happens, we must try to keep Dorothy out of it.
What do you mean?
We can't only think of ourselves.
I know Dorothy. 
Nothing in the world will induce her to divorce me.
You don't want to divorce her.
- It's not a question of my marriage.
- Then what is it?
Do you have any idea of the importance of my station here? 
If I were...
Why are you laughing?
I don't think Walter intended for one minute to divorce me.
He knew you'd let me down.
- Try to understand.
- I understand, all right.
Kitty. 
Kitty, please.
We'll work this out, I promise.
- I'm coming with you.
- Good. 
I thought you might.
I suppose I needn't take more than a few summer things? 
And a shroud?
I've told Hassan what you'll need.
She's packing already.
I wouldn't touch that if I was you.
They may have died in that bed.
This can be your room.
You must be the doctor's wife.
I've just met your husband and invited myself to dinner.
I've kept the Watsons' cook for you.
She's not bad.
She'll have to do as your amah as well.
We're a little short-handed here.
Sorry, my name is Waddington.
Oh, yes, of course. 
Kitty Fane.
- I'm the deputy commissioner.
- Please.
I believe you're one of our neighbors.
Only neighbor, I'm afraid.
Last one standing.
And Watson was the missionary living here?
Yes. 
Nice fellow. 
American.
Lovely family.
I'll show you their graves tomorrow, if you like.
How kind of you.
I hope your journey wasn't too arduous.
We've been traveling for two weeks.
Two weeks?
- What did you do, swim?
- No, we didn't come upriver.
- Came overland.
- Whatever for?
Well, we wanted to take in a bit of the countryside.
Get a bit of sun. 
Didn't we, darling?
Anyone for a cocktail?
Here's luck.
I was told I might get some help from the local army officer.
Colonel Yu, is it?
Good luck with him.
He's not fond of us British.
Listen, I'll warn you, things are pretty dicey even out here.
I'm afraid that if the cholera doesn't get us, the nationalists might.
Tried to get those nuns to go but they refused.
They all want to be martyrs, damn them.
Well, why have you stayed?
I was posted here. 
Simple as that.
I was shocked to hear you'd volunteered.
Opportunity for research.
I couldn't pass it up.
Yes. 
And you?
I don't suppose you've come to Mei-tan-fu for the research.
My husband's the scientist.
Indeed.
Did you have any reaction to the inoculation?
- You have been inoculated?
- Yes, of course.
No guarantee.
The Watsons were inoculated and it didn't do them much good.
Oh, have you brought any gramophone records?
- No, unfortunately not.
- Pity.
I'm sick of all mine.
Listen. 
What's all that?
Across the river.
Trying to frighten off the spirit of death.
I'm going to town in the morning, have a look around.
I expect you'll want to rest.
I can inoculate you in the evening.
- Will you be doing yourself?
- No, I don't think so.
- You needn't bother with me, then.
- Suit yourself.
Tell me, Walter is it a long, drawn-out affair, dying of cholera?
No. 
All of the fluid goes out of you in the first 36 hours.
You die of dehydration, actually.
So it's messy and very painful.
But it is relatively quick.
Good night.
It's rather unfortunate.
I thought perhaps that you and your wife you'd like to take precautions in case you'd have to leave this place.
Do you think all this is really necessary?
You can see the picture.
I thought you'd like to put your wife's mind at rest from this situation.
This is Colonel Yu.
He's the KMT's man.
He's posting one of his men here at the house.
Am I a prisoner?
No. 
It was Mr. Waddington's idea, actually.
- He feels we should take precautions.
- Precautions against what?
A few days ago, British troops opened fire on a group of Chinese workers who were demonstrating in Shanghai.
Eleven were killed.
We've only just heard.
Those were plastered around the town last night.
I shouldn't worry too much.
Even the nationalists are afraid of cholera.
Do they take that water from the well?
Can I see where they get their drinking water?
Well, for starters, we've got to stop people from using this well until I can test it.
Do you understand?
Yes, I understand, Dr. Fane.
I received my military training in Moscow.
If you don't like English, we can speak Russian.
English will be fine. 
Thank you.
Here. 
You have seen cholera before, yes, doctor?
- At the laboratory, of course.
- No, I mean in a patient.
No. 
I haven't had the chance, actually.
Well, I'm not a clinician.
Did they not tell you?
I'm an infectious-disease specialist.
- Shall we?
- After you, doctor.
No, it's all right. 
I'm all right.
All right, let's go.
I don't need you.
Go back.
Mr. Waddington?
I'm looking for Mr. Waddington.
Wait here. 
All right?
Hello?
Mr. Waddington?
Mrs. Fane?
Good morning.
What can I do for you, Mrs. Fane?
I found a record for you.
Stravinsky. 
Very modern. 
Thank you.
Was there something else?
Yes. 
I was wondering if you could tell me when the post comes through.
It's for Shanghai.
Unfortunately, since the cholera the cowards won't venture past the river port.
But leave it with me.
A local trader I know is making the trip on Friday.
Townsend.
- Charlie Townsend?
- Yes.
He's an acquaintance of my husband.
- Do you know him?
- Years ago.
We were both assigned to the consulate in Shanghai.
Charming wife.
Yes. 
They're very popular, aren't they?
He'd made a science of popularity.
- So you know his family?
- Well, well enough.
I like Dorothy.
Yes, I understand they're quite the devoted couple.
Oh, he had his little flirtations.
Nothing serious.
I once heard her say she found it most unflattering that the women who fell for her husband were so consistently second-rate.
Well, enjoy the record.
Mrs. Fane?
The letter.
Right.
Yes, it suddenly occurred to me that Friday's much too late.
Thanks all the same.
Can you pass the salt, please?
I'm sorry, did you say something?
Could you pass the salt?
Thank you.
So this is how it's going to be.
Passing her evenings in silence.
Walter.
Walter.
I wonder if you haven't gone insane.
- She's not cooking it.
- Leave it.
Leave it.
Thank you.
Are you looking to kill yourself?
Town well's contaminated.
This is dirty. 
It's dirty.
What?
Mr. Waddington?
Mrs. Fane? 
Mrs. Fane?
Mrs. Fane?
Come away. 
Come away.
What's the matter with Te-Ming?
You have the dead man on you.
They're very superstitious, aren't they?
She's lost three children and a husband to the cholera.
So you can hardly blame her.
You know, this is no place for a woman.
When they telegraphed me that you were coming out, I was astonished.
I imagined you might be a grim-visaged old nurse with thick legs and a moustache.
I came into the bungalow and there you were frail and tired and very unhappy.
It was a long journey.
But you're unhappy now.
And it occurred to me that you and your husband might be madly in love and you'd simply refused to stay behind.
- That's a reasonable explanation.
- Yes.
But it's not the right one.
Do you know what I find strange?
That your husband should never look at you.
He looks at the walls, the floor, his shoes.
He has a great deal on his mind.
Yes, I'm sure of it.
Dr. Fane?
Dr. Fane?
Oh, God.
All right.
What are you doing?
Martini?
Yes?
I'm the bearer of a message from the Mother Superior.
Who?
The nun who supervises the orphanage and the hospital.
I didn't know she was aware of my existence.
Well, apparently, Mr. Waddington has spoken of you.
She would very much like to meet the loving, loyal wife of the compassionate Dr. Fane.
Right. 
Then I must prepare myself for the charade.
She does understand if you don't want to venture into the center of the epidemic.
If you're not afraid, why should I be?
I forgot.
Walter? 
Oh, my God.
You're drunk.
Don't expect anything grand.
They're miserably poor.
Hello.
It is a great pleasure to make the acquaintance of the wife of our good and brave doctor.
Lovely to meet you too.
Mr. Waddington.
You must eat the madeleine.
Sister St. Joseph made them for you herself this morning.
So tell me, Mrs. Fane to which faith do you subscribe?
Excuse me.
We attended services.
Not religiously... 
Regularly.
You could say I'm a member of the Church of England.
Which is an inoffensive way of saying you don't quite believe in anything much.
You're very pretty.
And very young.
I assure you I'm not. 
I feel ancient.
If Mrs. Fane would like to see over the convent and orphanage I shall be glad to show her.
Alone.
We keep the older girls busy with sewing.
It keeps them occupied.
And earns money for the convent.
That one won't allow us to baptize her.
Our music room.
Sister Maryse.
Sister Dominique was our pianist.
She died last week. 
Cholera.
Through there is the infirmary.
It is not a sight one would wish to see.
Shall I call Dr. Fane out to see you?
No. 
You needn't disturb him.
Now, with the epidemic, we have even more to care for.
This baby was brought in this morning.
Another orphan.
She says Dr. Fane loves babies.
He spends as much time as he can helping them out in the nursery.
Mrs. Fane?
Mrs. Fane?
You all right?
Yes.
It's nothing, only foolishness.
What do you want?
Sorry.
- I brought you your supper.
- All right. 
Just leave it there.
Is there something else?
What's that you're doing?
I am testing the nitrate levels of a local tomato.
Why?
Why?
Can't possibly interest you.
Well, enjoy your supper.
Walter.
What do you propose we should do if we get through the epidemic?
I have no idea.
But I don't think any good will come of talking about a situation we should forget.
- But you don't forget.
- Please. 
I really must work.
Won't you listen to what I have to say?
All right. 
If you insist.
It's just, today having been at the convent, with those nuns.
What have they done, converted you?
No. 
They spoke of you.
- And it made me feel...
- What?
It made you feel what?
- I think I've been afraid of you.
- Well, you should have been.
Excuse me.
If I can't work, I'm going to bed.
I know you're angry at me.
But if we could just try and talk about...
Honestly, I don't understand you.
What is it that you want from me?
Perhaps I just want us to be a little less unhappy.
You're mistaken in thinking I am.
I have too much to do to think of you very much.
That's exactly what I'm trying to say.
I feel useless.
What do you propose that I do about that?
For God sakes, will you stop punishing me?
Do you absolutely despise me?
- No. 
I despise myself.
- Why?
For allowing myself to love you once.
Hello.
I'm very well. 
And you?
For you. 
And you.
I hope I haven't come at an inconvenient time.
Sister Maryse died last night.
I've just written to inform her parents.
I'm so sorry.
But it is sinful of me to grieve when I know that her good and simple soul has flown straight to heaven.
How can I help you?
Well, I'm sure that with the sister's death you must be even more short-handed.
You see, I was wondering if I could come to the convent and do anything, just...
Just to help out.
My dear child, don't you think you've done enough...
I've been here a month and, believe me, I have nothing to do from morning till night.
Perhaps I could help with the sisters in the hospital.
That is impossible.
Cholera is a terrible thing to see.
Besides, what would happen if you should fall ill?
I'd be happy to scrub the floors.
Anything. 
Just something to feel useful.
That will not be necessary.
The orphans scrub the floors.
No, no, it is our business and our privilege to do such things.
But there is always more to do each day.
Have you spoken to your husband of your wish?
Yes.
I don't know what you're saying.
I also found traces in the river, downstream from the burial grounds.
- You've checked these results?
- I tested it three times.
Well, that's it, then.
I would recommend barricading the bathing area.
Cut off all access to the river.
How far do you expect people to walk for water?
I've no idea. 
Upriver, at least a half-mile above the burial ground.
- That's too far.
- Nevertheless.
I agree with Dr. Fane. 
It's necessary.
Also, I thought we'd agreed to post a directive to dispose of the corpses immediately.
We've done that already.
If you don't enforce it, then it doesn't matter.
Families are hiding bodies for days.
- They bury them too close to the river.
- I understand.
You don't have to explain it twice.
Colonel, I respectfully request that you order your soldiers to enter these people's homes and remove the bodies by force if necessary.
It's all right.
Hello.
I understand.
The spirits need access to the water.
I understand that.
I just want to move a few of these so they don't live in the water.
He said they're under the protection of their warlord.
If he wants to move the bodies, he will send his own soldiers.
It isn't the best time for a Western woman to explore a Chinese town by herself.
Oh, do be quiet.
As if you care whether I'm killed by nationalists or boredom.
Besides, I wasn't alone.
I was with my gallant protector, Sung Ching.
By the way, you might be happy to know that I am just as useless to the nuns as I am to you.
I shut off the town's only water supply today.
What will you do?
I have no idea.
Then I suppose we're both useless.
At last, something in common.
Dr. Fane. 
We've both been caught out in the weather.
Not now, sorry.
I beg your pardon?
- Counting.
- Counting?
We'll camp here tonight.
What makes you think this warlord will cooperate?
I don't think he will.
So, what do you plan to say to persuade him?
I don't know.
These men are like animals.
They have no vision.
They only have hunger and strength.
Men like this have held the real power in China since I was young.
But that time is coming to an end.
There's no place for them in the new China.
I don't think you like my being here very much either, do you?
I think China belongs to Chinese people but the rest of the world seems to disagree.
Yes, but that's got nothing to do with me.
I didn't come here with a gun, you know.
I came with a microscope.
I believe you.
But it would be nice to do this work together without your country's guns pointing at our people.
Our plan is to divert the water to the town from the fields upriver, above the burial grounds.
With your permission and the assistance of your troops the graves will be moved away from the water and Colonel Yu and his men will enforce the prompt burial of the dead.
Maintaining the integrity of the water sources and enforcing proper sanitation over the next weeks will make a difference between a few more deaths and possibly thousands.
He said no.
He doesn't speak any English, does he?
Tell him that's the most ridiculous suit that I've ever seen.
I'm sorry.
Do not stop on my account if Dr. Fane is enjoying himself.
No. 
No, not at all.
No, I... 
It's very nice.
I just... 
I was passing.
- No. 
Stay.
- I should go.
I insist.
- All right, if you like.
- Continue, Mrs. Fane.
But perhaps something a little more soothing.
Yes, of course.
They brought in a new baby today.
The girls named her Zan Xien.
It means "brand-new."
The nuns are going to call it Katherine, which, of course none of the girls will be able to say.
Thank goodness for those nuns.
They do so much for so little in return.
I suppose you could look at it that way.
You suppose?
I think it might be a bit more complicated than that.
They take in desperate children and give them a chance at life.
What could be so complicated about that?
They also go to young mothers in their homes.
They ask them to give their babies to the convent.
They offer them money to support their families to persuade them to do it.
They're not just here to run an orphanage, your nuns.
They're turning those children into little Catholics.
None of us are in China without a reason.
Still, on the whole I think that what they're doing is a pretty good deed, don't you?
I'm here to study bacteria.
I don't feel a need to have an opinion about the rest.
Well, I do, and I admire them.
I don't think it has to be so complicated and gloomy.
And I think what you're doing, for instance, is incredibly noble.
You used to feel contempt for me.
Don't you still?
Walter. 
I can't believe that you, with all your cleverness should have such little sense of proportion.
We humans are more complex than your silly little microbes.
We're unpredictable.
We make mistakes and we disappoint.
- Yes, we certainly do.
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm not the perfect young woman that you want me to be.
I'm just ordinary.
I never tried to pretend that I was anything else.
No, you certainly didn't.
I like the theater, and dancing and playing tennis. 
I like games.
I like men who play games.
God forgive me, that's the way I was brought up.
I play a pretty fierce hand of bridge.
Oh, well, that's bloody exciting.
And you, you dragged me around all those interminable galleries in Venice blathering on about the miracle of the canals and the flushing of the lagoon system, or some such nonsense.
Honestly, I'd have been much happier playing golf at Sandwich.
I suppose you're right.
It was silly of us to look for qualities in each other that we never had.
Yes.
Yes, it was.
Walter?
Why didn't you break down that door when you knew I was in there with Charlie?
You might have at least tried to thrash him.
He wasn't worth it.
Or maybe I'm just too proud to fight.
I don't know about that.
I've told Mother Superior to keep her sisters inside the convent.
I put a guard outside the gate.
- I'd advise any Westerners to stay indoors.
- All right.
Sister, has Mrs. Fane been at the convent today?
Oui, doctor.
But she has left a few minutes ago.
Sung Ching.
Let's go. 
Let's go!
Let's go!
Stop it!
Sung Ching! 
Where's Mrs. Fane?
Where's Mrs. Fane?
I don't know what you're saying!
Get away from her.
- Are you all right?
- Yes.
Come on.
We're out of whiskey.
Dr. Fane.
Could I trouble you for a drink?
Hello, darling.
I was stationed at Hankow during the revolution when they were massacring all the Manchus.
I was able to help a particular family.
New documents, that sort of thing.
She was the youngest of the daughters.
I didn't pay her too much attention at first.
Well, more than I should have, I suppose.
When I left Hankow, she followed me.
I sent her back two, three times, but she kept coming back.
I didn't realize you had so much affection for her.
What makes you think I do?
I can see it in your eyes.
Men are incalculable.
I thought you were just like everybody else and now I feel I don't know the first thing about you.
I wonder what she sees in you.
Wan Xi.
She says I'm a good man.
As if a woman ever loved a man for his virtue.
Morning.
Morning.
I should think it best to stay away from town today.
All right.
I'm going for a walk.
Come on, then.
What on earth are you doing all the way out here?
Walking off a crippling hangover.
What are you doing?
Well, I've been attempting to purchase a stalk of bamboo off this fine gentleman here, but his price is exorbitant.
My head is too shattered to negotiate.
- So would you like a ride home?
- On what?
The buffalo?
You see, we're diverting it from these fields temporarily sending it into the center of town, where they can get at it easily.
It's over a half-mile.
It gave us a devil of a time in some places.
Oh, Mother.
Am I going to die?
Come, come. 
You mustn't be so silly.
Listen, ma chère.
Is it possible you are with child?
- No.
- Oh, yes.
- No.
- Yes.
I mean...
I suppose it's possible.
- There is no doubt about it.
- Yes. 
Sister St. Joseph knew at once.
She comes from a large family, so she has experience in these matters.
I can't believe it.
Why can't you believe it?
Having a child is so natural.
Yes.
Think how happy your husband will be.
And what's happened here?
- I'm all right.
- They said you fainted.
- I'm fine.
- Let me look at you.
It's not cholera.
No. 
I don't think so.
Did you feel nauseous? 
Or just faint?
Walter, stop.
I'm pregnant.
A baby?
You're quite certain?
Yes.
Well, that's wonderful.
How long do you think you've been like this?
Two months.
Maybe longer.
Kitty.
Am I the father?
I honestly don't know.
I'm sorry.
Well it doesn't matter now does it?
No.
No, it doesn't.
Dr. Fane?
Come with me.
- What is this? 
Where are they coming from?
- The cholera spread south along the river.
They have no doctors or facilities there.
They'll contaminate everything.
We've got to keep them outside town.
Dr. Fane.
Dr. Fane!
Stop. 
Stop. 
Stop.
Stop here. 
We can help you here.
Colonel, tell them not to go into town!
We'll help here!
Mrs. Fane.
Gather all the children in the music room.
Wait here.
Let's go.
That boy, bring him here. 
Bring him in.
I don't understand.
Why didn't he wake me?
He made an early start, and you needed the rest.
- How far is the refugee camp?
- Just outside the town, in the foothills.
Dr. Fane told me he wanted you to leave, but you would not.
I didn't want to leave you.
Yes, and we appreciate it, dear child.
But I think you did not want to leave him either.
Well, it's my duty.
Duty is only washing your hands when they are dirty.
I fell in love when I was 17, with God.
A foolish girl with romantic notions about the life of a religious.
But my love was passionate.
Over the years my feelings have changed.
He's disappointed me. 
Ignored me.
We've settled into a relationship of peaceful indifference.
The old husband and wife who sit side by side on the sofa, but rarely speak.
He knows I will never leave him.
This is my duty.
But when love and duty are one, then grace is within you.
Your soldier is waiting to take you back.
- I'd rather stay.
- No.
What? 
What is it?
What?
Mrs. Fane?
Mr. Waddington?
It's your husband.
What? 
What is it?
He's been taken ill.
Where is he?
Mrs. Fane.
- Walter.
- Oh, no. 
She can't be here. 
It's not safe.
- Waddington.
- I'm afraid I've got no say in the matter.
I don't want an audience.
You have to go.
- Your baby.
- Please, you must go.
Walter, tell me what I should do.
Slow that drip down.
It's running too fast.
Good, good.
Kitty? 
Kitty.
It's going to get much worse before it breaks.
Are you prepared for this?
Yes.
What is it?
Can you send for more?
Kitty.
Kitty.
Are you awake?
Are you feeling better?
Forgive me.
Forgive you?
There's nothing to forgive.
Walter I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Mrs. Fane?
Dr. Fane would want to be buried immediately.
Yes, of course.
What are you doing?
It's silly, really.
They'll die in a week.
It's hardly worth the cost.
- What do you think?
- I think they're quite nice.
Really?
I think you're right.
Come on.
We better hurry. 
Grandfather's waiting.
Kitty Fane?
As I live and breathe.
Hello, Charlie.
What are you doing in London?
I know it's been a long time.
I should have written.
Who's this fine chap? 
Hello, young man.
- What's your name?
- Walter.
Hello, Walter. 
I'm Charlie Townsend.
- How old are you?
- Five.
- Five?
- Come on, darling.
We should really press on.
Yes, of course. 
Well, it's lovely seeing you again.
And you.
- Goodbye, Walter.
- Goodbye.
Kitty.
I'm in London for three weeks.
Perhaps we could...
Goodbye, Mr. Townsend.
Goodbye, Mrs. Fane.
Who was that, Mommy?
No one important, darling.

Nina was only away for 3 years.
Nina, you're looking well.
London must agree with you.
- The prody girl returns.
- It's been a long time, girlfriend.
- But in that time eveything has changed.
- Dad used the restaurant as collateral for the bet?
In his defence he was up to his eyes.
- He knew what he was doing.
- He was desperate.
The Taj, meant eveything to my dad.
Now, Nina's cooking up a plan to save the restaurant.
Got the competition's coming up.
Sanjay's in the final.
And all she needs, is a little competition.
He wanted to win that trophy for the third time.
Just imagine the Taj...
competing again.
Just imagine?
- Who are we up against?
- Ok. 
The "Bengal Tiger".
Pussicat...
- Unless it's under new management.
- It is.
Last year's winners.
And then last, "The Jewel in the Crown".
- It's in the bag.
- Oh yeah, it's in the bag.
Let's eat.
Now, Nina's cooking up a storm.
How dare you come back here and start disrupting our lives?
Spicing up the competition.
- It's delicious.
- It's terrible.
- And stirring up trouble.
- Sanjay's a black belt curry maestro.
So what? 
Nina's a curry ninja.
Get ready for a romantic feast rich with the taste of life, love and spices.
- Well?
- It's better.
I hope you're frying on all cylinders tonight, Sanjay.
- Always follow your heart.
- That's lovely.
It's now or never, Nina.
Nina's Heavenly Delights
- Catchy title.
- And we're gonna blow them away.
Always measure the spices first, Pettit.
Six cloves.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
Eight chillies.
Half a tea spoon of turmeric.
Keep it stirring.
Keep it moving.
Cover every inch with the sauce.
There's no need to rush, Nina Pettit.
Always take your time.
That's the difference between winning and losing.
Now, close your eyes.
Taste it. 
Taste it in your heart.
No matter what the recipe says, Petti, always follow your heart.
Best chicken chakuti this side of Maryhill.
One day Pettit, you're going to be the best cook in Glasgow.
Nina's Heavenly Delights
Nina, dear.
You look awful.
So do you.
It's been a long time girlfriend.
I'm so sorry, darling.
Welcome to Scotland.
We are here today to say goodbye to a very special man.
Mohan Shah was a devoted husband and a loving father to all of his children.
Especially, his Nina.
Out of sight, but never out of her father's heart.
Many times Mohan said to me,
Nina will come home, Raj.
She'll come home soon.
And, I'll be in heaven.
Nina?
I knew you'd come.
Kary...
Ma'...
He's gone, Nina.
Your dad's gone...
- She's far too thin.
- Oh, she's home now and mummy,
- will fatten her up.
- Do you think she's...
- got a man?
- I doubt that.
You know what with one thing and another things may be different between the two of you, Sanjay.
- You know what they say...
- Forgive and forget.
They say a wedding's lucky, the first year after, that is.
- Oh yes.
- We ran out of samosas.
Aha, the prody girl returns.
Hello, Sanjay.
Your mother asked me to help out.
I'm really sorry about your dad, Nina.
Right, samosas... 
I'm on it.
- Who's that?
- Ah, it's Lisa.
- Maybe you should go talk to your brother.
- Three years is a long time.
You're gonna have a lot to talk about.
It's dead hot in there.
- Here, let me do it.
- It's OK, I can...
How's London?
Still frying burgers?
- I'm sorry I was late.
- It's no scam of mine.
You don't have to explain it to me and it's too late to explain it to him.
How's med school?
I've dragged that in.
I'm working for Raj now and I pure love it.
Soon that means to an end. 
I'll have my own cash and carry superstore before I'm 30.
- Kary, darling, come in a minute.
That's what I'm gonna do with my share of the rest of the restaurant money.
What restaurant money?
Mrs Bandita's gore's been giving up jip.
I said you'd have a wee look at her.
- That doctorof her's worse than useless.
- You know I'm not a doctor.
Yes, but you've read all the books. 
That's better than most of them around here.
Alright, ladies?
Who's first?
- How are you doing?
- OK.
Lisa.
I'm sorry if I was a bit weird before.
I didn't really recognise you.
Why would you! 
I left in second year.
I hope I've changed since then.
Thanks for helping out today.
No problem.
I remembered you, though.
- Say "Chapatti".
- Chapatti.
Dear mister Mohan Shah,
We are delighted to inform you that the "New Taj" has been selected...
One more win, Nina, then we'll have it.
The bloody hattrick!
No other scottish curry house has ever done it.
Best bloody restaurant this side of Maryhill.
- Is she alright?
- Yeah.
What did you mean before?
About the money? 
What money?
- The money we get from the sale.
- What sale?
- The Taj.
- Kary, hurry up. 
We're gonna be late...
- Janice is gonna... 
Sorry.
Kary, come on. 
We gotta go,
- Sorry. 
We're off.
- No Kary, no.
Let me get this straight, dad used the restaurant as collateral for the bet?
- Not exactly.
- He used half of it.
Oh, well, that's alright then.
Had me worried for a minute.
Was he out of his mind?
I must say I agree.
It looks like that, pure lunatic.
But, in his defence, he was up to his eyes, he owed thousands.
I guess he thought he had nothing to lose.
- Is it legal?
- One way.
Her dad's got a pure Rottweiler of a lawyer.
Well, then we'll get out own Rottweiler.
This can't be right.
A bet's a bet, Nina.
- He knew what he was doing.
- He was desperate.
Your dad took advantage.
Nobody forced him...
- I need to talk to Jule.
- Well, he's in Benidorm.
Golfing, and probably shaging.
Anyway, it's not my dad you need to talk to.
- It's me.
- I've got to take this. 
Come on.
- No, Kary...
- We're dead late.
Good morning, Glasgow.
It's drive time in Maryhill on Korma Radio.
This afternoon promises to be bright, promises, promises.
That's good news for poor miss Khan from Maryhill, who's cat's been missing for a week.
Flights coming in from Bombay have been delayed.
So don't bother going to the airport.
But we hope that won't delay the arrival of India's Nº 1...
Three, four and step.
Two, three, four.
And change, and change.
Stop!
No, no, no!
Gandhi, you're moving like a 5 o'clock princess.
Fish, think West End Indie, not muscle Bloody Mary.
I hope you're not spying for the opposition?
Nina darling, meet my "Chutney Queens".
Thank you all.
That's the torture over.
See you later then.
- Maybe, maybe not.
- 8 p.m., the usual place.
This toosh needs my services.
- You're a dark horse.
- That's rich coming from Black Beauty.
So?
- What do you think? 
Seriously?
- No, you've got something, definetly.
Just as well.
Because very soon, Mogul Productions,
That's Mogul Productions Bombay, not Mogul Productions Maryhill, will winnow to cast their new bolliwood blockbuster
"Love in a wet climate".
- Catchy title.
- And we're gonna blow them away.
Me, me, me... 
That's enough about me. 
What about...
Me?
Where do I start?
Do pros and cons. 
That always sorts the men from the boys.
Well, I would, if there were any pros to do.
God, how did this happen, Bobbi?
- The Taj meant everything to my dad.
- Not just your dad.
He'd entered the competition.
Nobody knew.
- It's through to the final.
- That's great.
Now we can do pros and cons.
He didn't want to sell, or did he?
He wanted to win that trophy for the third time.
Just imagine the Taj...
competing again.
Just imagine?
Come on...
Congratulation to mister and misses Patil who are celebrating their 25th wedding aniversary.
But first, a reminder of the grand event coming up next monthon Korma TV.
The Best of the West Curry Competition.
Hold me back!
You're my first today.
I'm honoured.
- Raj.
- Nina, you're looking well.
London must agree with you.
Well, if you'll excuse me, I'd better be off, got a million and one things to do.
Got the competition coming up.
Sanjay's in the final.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- You must be worth a very good chance.
- Well, that depends who he's up against.
But believe you me, he'll be a hard act to follow.
Now, if you need anything, and I mean anything, you let Kary know. 
Let me know.
- Thank you, Raj.
- Nina...
How long have you been working here?
Long enough. 
You can't live off thin air.
Your dad left a groove in the pavement outside Jewels.
Why didn't anyone tell me what was going on?
How were we supposed to do that? 
You phoned a couple of times a year if we were lucky.
Half the time we didn't even know where you were.
- Thank God for Raj.
- Yeah. 
He didn't waste a minute, did he?
Beggars can't be choosers.
It's more than it's worth.
I don't care. 
I'm not selling the Taj to them.
Well, then it's a good thing it's not just up to you.
I don't believe this!
This is all dad's fault.
Don't you dare come back here and start handing out blame!
Don't you dare! 
If there's blame to be handed out you should be looking in a mirror.
I'm not the one who bet the Taj on a bloody horse!
No, you're right. 
You didn't.
You had nothing to do with any of this.
You didn't humiliate him.
You didn't break his heart.
And what about my heart?
He only ever wanted what was best for you, Nina.
- We both did.
- No.
You wanted me to shrivel away with a man I didn't love.
How could I do that, ma'?
We all do things we don't want.
- Why?
- There is no "why".
Do what you want, Nina.
You always do.
What are you doing?
What I was supposed to do.
He was the one who always said "listen to your heart".
He should've listened to his bloody heart, then it might not have packed up on him.
How could he?
We were gonna do this together.
We were gonna win the hattrick together.
How could he go and just, die?
I thought you were Kary.
- Sorry to disappoint.
- Who said you did?
Fancy a beer?
Jinks.
Just as well, your dad wasn't here to see that. 
That table is a temple.
Not a bloody bottle-opener!
To Mohan Shah.
The best bloody cook this side of Maryhill.
To Mohan Shah.
- God, this is weird.
- You just lost your dad.
You're about to lose your restaurant.
You're gonna feel a bit weird.
I haven't lost my restaurant just yet.
What if, I could persuade my new business partner not to jump into bed with the first dodgy geezer that offers her a knock-down price .
What's wrong?
Well... 
No.
You can't ask me to do that.
It wouldn't be right.
Your mum's been really good to me,
- and Kary's my...
- Yeah, I know.
Look, it's not personal.
It's business.
Doesn't make sense to rush into anything.
We could get a much better price.
We won't.
My dad didn't want to sell.
He wanted to win that competition.
So that is exactly what I'm gonna do.
Stop slurping!
- Kary, act your age.
- Not your shoe size.
Ma', there's something I have to tell you.
That's the last of the flowers. 
I thought you should have them over here.
- They're dad's favourites.
- So that's why Lisa ordered them.
She's a real jewel that lassie.
You should snap her up before somebody else does, you know?
- She'd be mad, that is pure embaressment.
- Morning everyone.
Thought my ears were burning...
- You know what they say, Lisa?
- No, what do they say?
What's by you won't get by you.
Am I not right, Suman?
You want some tea?
Thanks.
Did you tell them?
Tell them what?
Dad had a secret.
Do you mean his gambling?
Everybody knew about that.
Dad had entered the Taj into this year's competition and he's through to the final.
- Too bad, it's not our restaurant anymore.
- Yes it is.
It'n not done and dust until we sign.
So we've...
I've... decided to go ahead and compete in the final.
And Lisa's agreed.
- I sent the acceptance forms off this morning.
- Oh, my God! 
You're gonna be on telly?
Hundreds of people are gonna see you!
- My pals are gonna be drop dead jealous.
- Hold your horses, we may not win.
You had no right.
How dare you come back here and start disrupting our lives?
- Haven't you caused us enough heartache?
- Ma'!
Suman, it will be good for the restaurant.
We could put the price up.
- Thanks very much! 
I thought we were partners?
- Hey, don't blame her. 
This was all my idea.
- No it wasn't. 
I can make up my own mind 
- And why is that?
What makes you think you can do this without dad?
It was his cooking that won the trophies, not yours.
Raj can beat that but trust me, Sanjay's no slouch in the kitchen.
You're just gonna end up humiliating us all over again.
Kary, wait a minute.
That went well.
And to cover all through the whole flaming meal, his eyes were there.
I shoul never have worn that little top.
At one point I lifted his chin up.
I did, so he could have a look at my face.
At the end of the night he tried to kiss me. 
I wasn't going to ask him in.
And I put my hand up just to sort of stroke his face.
- The wig.
- He wears a wig?
I thought it was a bad dye job as well.
But no, I put my hand on. 
It was like that, his head moved and the wig...
It's not worth it. 
Stay in the house watch the telly, with a cup of tea.
Happy, please.
- Hello, darling.
- Hiya.
I'll just go and put the cattle on then...
Ma', don't be upset, please.
It's for dad.
To give him back a little bit of pride.
What's wrong with that?
Pride comes before the fall, remember that?
You are so like your father.
Here we are, tea's up.
Do you want a wee cup, Nina?
No, I'm fine, thanks, Mimie.
I'll just go and get some biscuits.
And what if you lose?
You've risked everything.
If Raj wants the Taj badly enough, he'll still be around.
Don't be too sure of that.
Raj won't always be here.
Not if we keep turning him down.
Sanjay.
Sanjay.
Good, let's get out of here.
- So why did you leave?
- I woke up and...
I knew I couldn't go through with it.
It was a terrible thing to do, though...
to do a bunk on the day of your wedding.
- Pretty brill, alright.
- No, I didn't mean to hurt anybody.
It's just, I freaked out, you know?
I mean they had it all mapped out for me.
Marry Sanjay, have lots of little Sanjays.
We'd have the Taj and the Jewel.
They saw us as this power cooking couple.
The couple that cooks together, stays together.
I just didn't love him.
- No such thing.
- As love?
There isn't, it's just a big con.
See, your dad taught you how to cook, my dad taught me never to gamble with something you're not prepared to lose.
Once you realise that you get on fine.
The other way's just a recipe for disaster.
Can you cook?
I can make a mean fried egg and brim sauce sandwich.
- I don't do indian...
- Well, apart from my brother.
I've always admired your dad's chicken chakuti.
Me too...
Race you to the bike.
Oh, ma',don't, please...
I don't want you to do that just yet.
Funny, isn't it? 
Nobody's ever asked me what I want.
Your dad never asked me much.
But then, he never told me much, either.
He thought I didn't know what was going on.
I knew wxactly what was going on.
I was married to him for 30 years.
Ma'...
Ma', I can't find the peanut butter, and Kary's finished all the bread.
Come on, sweetheart.
Don't tell, please.
I'm not supposed to be going back to dancing. 
Dad banned me.
Why?
I don't know. 
After you left he went all funny.
Are you any good at it?
Holly shit!
I've been offered a place in the county team. 
That's a big deal, you know.
- I'm sure.
- I've turned it down.
Do you think he's still here, Nina?
I don't know...
Maybe...
I hope so...
Please, don't tell. 
I don't want anybody to know, 'right?
- OK.
- Especially, Kary. 
He's been such an arse.
He's bought lots of new clothes, dead expensive. 
He's trying to impress Lisa.
But he's going all the wrong way.
- And since when are you such an expert on romance?
- I've got eyes. 
I see things.
I've told you a secret.
Now you need to tell me one.
I don't have any secrets.
"Mohan Shan. 
Award winning recipes"
Garlic purifies the blood and keeps the skin glowing.
Frying garlic lightly enhances its therapeutic action.
The golden brown colour of this dish signifies optimism and will dispell gloom.
- This is so better be worth it.
- Thanks.
- Ok, who are we up aginst?
- Ok, The "Bengal Tiger".
Pussicat.
- Unless it's under new management...
- It is...
- "Bimal's Balti and Dosa House".
- Last year's winners.
And then last, but never least...
"The jewel in the crown".
- It's in the bag.
- Oh yeah, it's in the bag.
Who's, Lorna?
Nina + Lorna = True love Decembre 1988
I don't know...
I've no idea...
Lorna...
Lorna Mallen!
I remember Lorna.
Captain of the school hockey team.
Big blue eyes.
Tall.
Legss right up to her oxsters.
I am schocked!
I wouldn't have thought she was your type.
She wasn't my type.
I was 9.
I had a crush on the world and his wife
- when I was 9.
- Me too.
- Am I going too fast?
- Is that nice?
- Yeah, go faster.
- No...
Green and green.
You know what the difference is?
Winning... and losing.
You've got pure cheek. 
You're supposed to pay with nothing for them?
- Janice, not now, just put it on the account, OK?
- You'll get no more credit here.
- It's OK, Janice. 
I'll sort it.
- But Kary...
It's OK, I'll handle it.
- What is her problem?
- You should've paid this with me first.
- Is there a problem here?
- No Sanjay, no problem.
I'm just getting Nina her change.
Geez, thanks.
Nina.
Maybe we could go out sometime.
For a drink or something.
- I know this really good club.
- I don't think so.
- What's the point of raking up old wounds?
- No old wounds, fresh start.
Maybe we could just talk about the Taj.
I've got some plans, really big plans.
Well, I'm afraid they might have to wait for a bit, Sanjay. 
We're not ready to sell.
- I'm sorry.
- Since when?
Since Lisa and I decided not to.
"The Bengal Tiger." "Bimal's House."
"The jewel in the crown".
I've used all 20 of my Weight Watchers points already today.
Know thy enemy.
Go on.
I need you to know the difference for when you taste mine.
It's delicious.
It's terrible. 
They didn't marinade the meat long enough.
The longer you marinade it, the more tender it becomes.
Taste that...
Well?
- It's better.
- What's better about it?
I don't know.
Go on...
It's not so overpowering.
Good, you're getting it.
OK, now I'm gonna show you how it's really done.
Put it on.
Not yet.
Right, let's see if I can remember how to fly this thing.
It's all about chemistry.
And the chemistry has to be right.
Your turn.
Slow down. 
Don't beat it into submission, just cook it.
Gently.
Pretty good.
OK, OK, you need to wash it out with cold water, immediatly.
- Don't rub it, you'll make it worse.
- Oh, now she tells me?
You OK?
Ok, let me see how that is.
Let me see.
Let me see.
Yeah, you'll live.
You sound like my doctor.
Thought that was meant to be me.
What happened?
- I just got some plutonium in my eye.
- Chilli.
- Cold water you need to wash it out.
- Is there an echo in here?
You'll live.
- Still not talking to me then?
- Just. 
Still up for one out later?
What choice have I got?
And, by the way, you owe me 10 quid.
At least he's not taking it out on you.
He wouldn't dare. 
He needs me too much.
Ginger.
Turmeric.
Garam masala.
Garlic.
Cumin.
Coriander.
- This is shit.
- What?
Kary was right. 
I can't do this without my dad.
No, Mimie, I don't mind I need to keep busy.
- Ma'?
- Just a moment.
You were right. 
Beggars can't be chosers.
Let's go see Raj.
I'll call you back.
Ready, Nina?
Here's to us, in business and in pleasure.
I'll call the lawyer and we'll sign tomorrow.
Now i'll say one thing to you, Nina, you sure know how to keep a man dangling.
Nina, we both know how hard this is for you and what the Taj means to you...
Don't worry, we'll take good care of it. 
And your mother can stay for as long as she likes.
- It will always be your home.
- Thank you, Raj.
Good. 
Now, let's eat.
Nina, I hope that full plate is not a reflection on the food?
Oh, no, it's lovely, Raj. 
It's just that I'm not very hungry.
Lovely? 
Geez! 
Don't faint down and praise it.
Come on, Nina. 
Be more specific than that. 
Tell us what you really think?
Don't rush it, mind you.
Take your time.
I wouldn't want you making another snap decision.
Well?
Technically, it's very good.
Technically?
- But there's something missing.
- Missing?
- Nina...
- All the ingredients are there...
I can taste all the flavours it's just there's something...
I don't know...
It's the chemistry.
It's not quite right.
You know, maybe it's a good thing that you won't be cooking in the competition.
After all, I wouldn't want my public ass kicked twice.
Maybe we should employ you, Nina.
Then you could come and cook for us.
I don't cook for anyone except for my dad.
Well, that's a shame.
You don't want to be on the winning team, Nina?
I've always been on the winning team.
We've one twice before.
Remember?
That was then.
And this is now.
No sale 'till after the competition.
You're just like Mohan.
Like a bull.
This isn't a dump site.
Murder happened right here.
Autopsy report indicates no signs of a struggle.
Poor little guy never had a chance.
So far into these woods, no one could hear him scream.
Exactly how is killer wanted it.
For the last two months, we've lost more children in this town we have in my whole lifetime.
The others are car accidents.
Residents are terrified.
I have an 8 year old myself.
Victims knew their killer.
Followed him to this spot.
What makes you think that ?
Well I guess they went this deep into the woods because they trusted him.
Probably stashed his weapon here beforehand.
This means we're looking for someone intelligent, methodical.
Methodical ?
Bashed the kid's head in, looks like a moment of rage to me !
I agree.
It's confusing.
Doesn't make sense.
This is just a quarter mile from where the two boys were killed.
Bludgeoned to death the same way.
Not entirely true.
I found some markings on her scalp that indicated that that psycho
- beat her post mortem.
- Suggests the unsub
- is getting more brazen.
- He's getting brazen all right,
I've bagged three children in the last month.
And now he's spending more time wih the victims even after death.
He had to know he wasn't gonna be interrupted but how ?
How could he be so sure ?
Forest goes for miles and miles, nobody goes walking in it.
So looking to kill.
Or hunt.
In which case he knows every inch of these woods, right ?
Every trail ?
Reid, whoever killed these children is very familiar with this area.
In my opinion he probably lived in Ozona his whole life.
It could be someone you know.
Or it could be a stranger you pass at the grocery store.
But it's vital that we keep our eyes open.
And our chidren close.
Now as Ozona's guidance counselor,
I can only help your children with the aftermath, but our police department is working with the FBI, gathering information on the case, to elaborate on that, agent Jason Gideon.
We want you to know we're doing everything we can to find the person responsible.
Until we do there are number of precautions that you'll need to take.
Just let me go over some of them with you.
First and foremost,
It's something we call the buddy system.
That means you always go everywhere with a friend.
That's right because bad men and women are more likely to talk to us only when we're by ourselves.
We don't know what these guys look like yet.
Might be someone you know.
Yes sweetheart, you got a question ?
There was this little girl once on the news, who just got grabbed.
Right in front of her house.
Could that happen to us ?
Nothing's gonna happen to any of you, as long as you remember this buddy system, okay ?
Anymore questions ?
Did you ever find his hat ?
- Excuse me ?
- She's Nicholas Faye's mother.
The red one that I put on him, he had it on when he left.
I'm sorry Mrs Faye, we haven't.
Mandatory curfew at 5PM.
make sure you know where your children are.
You just gotta move fast, old man Fennigan can't eat you if he can't catch you.
- I want to go home.
- Come on, just ring the guy's bell.
- Why don't you do it ?
- I already did, when I was like 5.
It's just the wind.
Now come on, it'll be fun !
- Not if he catches me !
- Come on, it'll be easy !
Just ring and run.
We'll be right here.
Yeah, now go.
Go !
- Go.
- Go !
Let's go.
Henry ?
Simon ?
Hotchner.
Hey Hotch, what's happening ?
I went to her appartment to talk to her but she was leaving
- with an overnight bag.
- So she's running ?
I don't know, I hope not.
- I'm following her.
- All right, keep me posted.
Just wait for me up front.
- No wandering.
- Okay dad !
It's too scary to let him out of your sight !
I know.
Can I have your attention, please ?
Good afternoon.
We want to make something clear.
Due to the velocity of change, we predict this offender could try to strike again anytime.
His confidence builds with every attack.
Look for someone physically fit, shy.
Kind disposition, someone you may trust with your own child.
Because the killer targets kids, he may be small himself.
I know we keep referring to this Unsub as "he", do not rule out a woman.
- Excuse me !
- Chief !
You're gonna want to hear this.
My son Matthew never came home today.
- Here we go.
- Where was he last seen ?
His teacher saw him in the parking lot after school.
Search team.
Okay Reid.
School is on Willow road.
The boy was abducted.
This area would be the most secluded nearby.
So Jones could route his guys to the gas station,
- we could cover territories...
- Maam ! 
Why don't you sit down.
- Let's get some backup on Willow road.
- Thank you.
So how old is Matthew ?
He turned 8 in august.
I have a niece that's 8.
Very resourceful at that age.
What are you thinking about over here ?
Nothing.
Well you look an awful upset to be thinking about nothing.
You look like you have a secret.
Secrets are important.
Is it about your brother ?
Honey ?
Is that true, are you hiding something ?
You want to protect him right ?
That's what brothers are for.
Manny said he was just clawing the doorbell.
At the haunted house.
- On the hill.
- It's Fennigan's place.
- Who's Fennigan ?
- This old guy who is in the house.
Forever kind of a local legend.
- Ghost story.
- About ?
He supposably watches the kids from his window,
Hunts them, skins them, eats them.
- Standard.
- Folks have been telling that story
- since I was a kid.
- Why haven't we heard about that ?
Fables are often sparked by an ounce of truth.
We should exhaust every possibility.
I'm sorry dad.
You've been following me.
What's going on ?
Elle, I'm listening.
Okay.
I really wanted to be a part of the team.
- You were.
- But when I needed the team,
I was all alone.
I was alone in the one place that I have the right to feel safe and that's my home.
Just like those women in Ohio who were attacked had the right to feel safe in their homes.
So does that justify taking the law into your own hands ?
What makes you say that I have ?
Because you're here confessing your sins.
I know I don't have any evidence, and you know how quickly
I'd arrest you if I did.
So what are we gonna do about it ?
Sure looks like a haunted house.
Morgan, you and Jones take the front,
Reid and I'll cover the outbuildings.
Come on.
Mr Fennigan !
Go.
Clear.
Go, go.
Upstairs is clear.
Fennigan's not here.
And either is the missing boy.
Electricity's out.
I know.
Maybe he's been away.
No, this paper was delivered today.
So Fennigan was here earlier.
Yeah question is, where is he know ?
Stairwell.
FBI, don't move !
Okay.
- Are you Matthew ?
- Yes.
- Are you hurt ?
- No.
Ok, come on.
I didn't want the old man to find me.
That's all right, no one's gonna hurt you.
Come on.
Let's go.
- Did you get anything ?
- Only that Fennigan's house on the hill is like the Bates Motel of Ozona, Texas.
You know we heard the legend.
Reid, seriously, people that go into that house supposedly never come out.
Spookie !
Garcia, could at least pretend not to enjoy that rumour so much, since I've actually entered the house ?
Sensitive. 
Sorry.
Besides, local police say that there are no reports of that actually happening.
Yeah this is true, all complaints filed were false alarms.
But then there is that matter of his missing wife.
Wife, what wife ?
When did she go missing ?
Almost 50 years ago.
No record of her ever being found ?
I got two words for you, my friend : "rear window".
That guy probably chopped that lady up into delicious bites and little pieces.
Think about it.
She may have never left the premises.
She may still be in the house...
Garcia,
I'm sitting here in the dark alone, thanks.
While you're waiting for a potential murderer to come home ?
It's kind of dangerous !
It's kinda sexy !
I gotta go.
You're having creepy fun, I wish I as there !
- You really are afraid of the dark.
- I'm working on that.
You should work a little harder !
My deputy got the boy home safe.
Turns out the poor kid got spooked by a tree branch.
This whole town's on edge.
Maybe that's why Fennigan's in the wind.
Chat's interesting.
The Unsub didn't use a gun.
And he knows every trail in Ozona.
Fennigan's an avid hunter.
Why didn't he use...
Robbie Davis First victim.
Sarah P.
Sarah Peterson right ?
I guess Fennigan brought the kids back here first before baiting them into the woods.
But why wouldn't he get rid of the evidence ?
Considers them trophies.
When this is all said and done, I'd like to hang his head on my wall.
Sheriff called the search off, we located the boy.
He's home.
- Safe and sound.
- What about old man Fennigan ?
I think we just found him.
At first blush, it looks like Joseph Fennigan died of natural causes.
His heart probably gave out while he was setting this.
Yeah karma's a bitch.
Those coyotes were on and on for all week.
Before the second and third murders ever happened.
This area's off a traveled path, it's a wonder anyone discovered him at all.
Is it ?
Those leaves didn't cover him up by themselves.
He's right.
The deputy may not have been the first that found him.
Our only suspect's been cleared.
Square one ?
No.
Fennigan's been dead all this time, who's living in his house ?
Let's go.
Here's a question :
if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound if there's nobody there to hear it ?
- What the hell are you reading over there ?
- Just thinking.
The Unsub found Fennigan's corpse in a lightly traveled part of the woods and no one else knew.
So he was able to use his house and no one was the wizer.
Actually I was referring to Fennigan's wife.
- What are you talking about ?
- She was rumoured missing, perhaps killed almost 50 years ago.
When in actuality she left Fennigan for another man.
He writes about it in his journals.
How he would look out the window on a daily basis to see if she would come home, she never did.
He never recovered, he ended up turning into a recluse that people in town misunderstood.
Found something.
Provisions.
Delivered by the church to every elder's doorstep.
Each one dated after Fennigan died.
So the Unsub ate everything.
Almost everything.
Unopened bowls of cream spinach thrown into the trash.
- Each one wrapped with ductape.
- One with each tray.
So we're looking for a guy who really really hates spinach.
- Who doesn't ?
- Ritualized, meticulous, organized.
He would eat with the same particulars.
All prints, have Garcia run them for a match.
Hotch.
It's about Elle, isn't it ?
- I don't know.
- You know I talked to her in Ohio.
- Reid, we all talked to her.
- No, I talked to her before...
I went to her room one night, and... she was drinking.
She almost died.
I'd be drinking too.
About the woods, JJ.
Your fear.
You said it was of the woods.
I used to be a camp councelor, when I was a teenager.
In the woods up in Vermont, at the night shift, tucked the girls in, turned off the lights.
The typical drill.
Everything seemed fine, all the kids were asleep.
You know, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
Until...
I noticed there was some blood, on the hallway floor.
So I... followed the blood trail out to the camp director's cabin, walked up to his bed and... he was just lying there, underneath his covers.
Dead.
Someone stabbed him.
I ran out of there so fast, out the door, down the hall, I just remember it, being really dark.
Once I got to the door, there was another councelor there,
I guess she heared me scream.
They caught the caretaker on his way to town,
I guess he still had the knife on him.
Anyway, I guess that's probably when I decided
I didn't like the woods.
You're serious ?
No !
No !
Come on. 
I don't know why I'm afraid of the woods,
I just I am, why is he still afraid of the dark ?
Yeah Reid, why are you still afraid of the dark ?
Because of the inherent absence of light !
JJ, that was pretty good,
- just know that paybacks are a bitch.
- I'm shaking.
Yeah.
I love our relationship, we hardly need words.
Hey girl, you got something good for me ?
I pulled two sets of prints off those food trays.
- Two ?
- One belonging to a child.
But which one of the victims, why don't you coordinate with the Ozona coroner's office
- for a match ?
- Oh baby, that's so yesterday !
I already have the minions working on it. 
In the meantime, your intrepid hacker found you a match to the other set in the database.
His name is James Charles, he's a local guidance councelor.
Yeah he's local guidance councelor helping us on this case !
Kidding ?
He's address is 3725 Bryarwood road.
I know exactly how to find him, Garcia, thanks.
Call Gideon, we just found our Unsub.
Sure about this ?
Charles ?
Born and raise in Ozona, knows the territory, works with children.
Highly organized, slight in stature, injected himself into the investigation.
What do you think happened the last six months that would have changed his life ?
His wife walked out on him and his kid.
There's your stressor.
Guys, he's on the move.
Mr Charles !
Don't do it !
Why are you running ?
Give me this.
What's this ?
What's this ?
What's so important about the hat ?
Nicholas Faye was wearing it when he was murdered.
Here's a deal.
I could stand here and tell you what I think you were doing in Fennigan's house for the last two weeks.
Or you could do us all a favor.
Sign a confession, maybe get a little something taken off your time, what do you say ?
I never stepped inside Fennigan's house.
That's not really the answer I was looking for James.
See. 
Fact is, we got your fingerprints, inside the house, all over the trays of food.
Of course you did.
I deliver them every week.
It's true.
He started working working at the food bank after his wife left.
Fingerprints aren't all we have.
What are you doing with Nicholas Faye's hat ?
Maybe, you were trying to dispose of it.
Or were you so proud of your keeps that you just want to find a nice safe place to hide it ?
How these last 6 months've been for you James ?
Not too good huh ?
I don't know, your whole life is falling apart isn't it ?
Oh yeah you got to be feeling a loss of control, sense of abandonment.
And I would guess, a little impotent maybe ?
Come on man, give me something !
Why did your life leave you ?
What happened James, she get bored ?
I mean you don't seem all that exciting to me.
She started feeling a little uninspired ?
You're not a minute man, aren't you ?
Uh, that's what it is !
You're done before she even get started, she left you for another man...
Okay !
James, that was exciting !
Did I hit a nerve ?
- I want to go home.
- Oh you wanna go home ?
Well I'm sorry, that ain't about to happen. 
So why don't you come over here and sit your ass down ?
I said sit down !
I'm done talking to you.
I will tell you what you are done doing, you hear me ?
Yeah, what did you found out ?
The second set of prints didn't match any of the victims.
So there might be a fourth victim still out there.
Check surrounding towns for missing children reports and get right back to me.
You know, it's bad enough his mother left and now his father's in custody and-- we've got to take the poor kid into child services.
- It's the law...
- So is jaywalking. 
I don't like it.
Good afternoon this is agent Jareau, with the FBI, we're gonna be picking up Jeffrey Charles in about 20 minutes, if...
Okay, I see.
Thank you.
What is it ?
James, I can't help you.
if you don't talk, I can't help you.
Jeffrey never was at school today.
His father said he was sick.
Something !
Yeah.
Yeah, I got it, I got it.
What were you doing ?
Working your way up to the victim you wanted to kill the most ?
Your son ?
What did you do with him James ?
Are you really that weak, you've got to blame your own kid
- for your failed marriage ?
- Shut up !
No you talk to me !
Cause I need to understant this.
You beat those children who trusted you, why ?
So you could regain your power ?
I've got a news flash for you :
You never had any to begin with.
That's right keep it coming, keep it coming.
I am so far from finish with you, you son of a bitch.
I will go all night, you understand me ?
You make me sick !
What is that ?
It's an EpiPen.
Weird.
Think I just found something.
Yeah.
An EpiPen, and a refrigirator that's filled with dairy products that have been sealed with ductape.
Thank you, that's helpful.
You know what happens to guys, who mess with kids, on the inside ?
- Do you ?
- Can I have a word with him ?
Yeah.
It's a rough day, huh ?
Coffee ?
Yeah I wouldn't mind.
Milk ?
- Please.
- So when ?
When ?
How long have you known ?
Known what ?
That your son is a murderer ?
What are you talking about ?
You might have been-- the one who brought the food trays to Fennigan's, but...
Your son ate them, everything but the cream spinach.
You want me to confess ?
Is that what this game is ?
That's fine.
You bring me another pen,
I'll write out my confession.
We found an EpiPen in your kitchen.
So what that proves that my kid has an allergy.
To milk.
- How did you know that ?
- You just told me.
What's the matter ?
Jeffrey's allergy's dangerous.
So much, so he wrapped the only dairy product with ductape so he wouldn't accidentally eat it.
You taught him all to protect himself.
I found the baseball cap.
I found it this morning.
It was in my son's drawer.
Where is he Mr. Charles ?
- Jason !
- Cut it out !
Cut it out...
- Let's go Simon.
- Let's go Simon.
Where are you going ?
We're supposed to walk each other home !
I'm walking to Henry's.
But he doesn't live in our street !
I'll walk you home.
- Hey Jeffrey 
- Because you shoudn't be walking alone.
You know, the whole "buddy system".
Yeah, that's really nice of you, thanks.
Come on, I know a shortcut.
Where is he Mr Charles ?
- I left him at home.
- Well he's not there.
If he's not there, I don't know where he is.
An 8 year old girl, Tracey Belle, has been reported missing.
Last seen getting off her schoolbus on Fuller Road.
Get it to your field units, we'll need backup.
Let's go.
- Give Mac and the second unit Fuller Road.
- Yes, sir.
How much longer ?
You're walking to slow.
This book bag is heavy.
My legs are tired.
- Why did you do that ?
- Shut up !
Keep walking.
I don't feel good.
I told you to shut up !
You know, after his mom left Jeffrey probably resented the fact that his dad spends more time at work with other kids than with his own.
He took out that rage on any kid he viewed, as having what he didn't.
So Tracey's mom said the bus would have dropped her off here after school she was supposed to walk home with a neighbor.
It's most likely when Jeffrey approched, but where he'd taken her ?
Such heavy patrolling in this town.
How did he managed to take a little without being seen ?
Because we taught him.
Nobody's gonna think anything of two kids walking together.
The buddy system, remember ?
In the process of educating the public, we educated a killer.
When it's off season from baseball, where would a 12 year old kid hang out ?
- A park.
- Surrounded by woods.
Let's go.
Tracey !
Let's just go home.
I was only playing !
Why do you have to be such a baby ?
Tracey ?
Tracey !
Tracey Belle's.
He's got her in these woods. 
Split up !
Enough !
- Are you okay ?
- Yeah.
Why did you hurt those kids ?
Because I wanted to.
I should have said something.
What ?
To Gideon or Hotch, or...
Any of you guys.
I talked to Elle that night, and...
I knew she wasn't right, but.
I should have told someone.
Reid.
Listen to me.
Do not do that to yourself.
You were just trying to help a friend.
You hear me ?
Don't go there kid.
Elle made her own choice.
That's on her.
She hasn't admitted anything ?
No.
Well, you're doing the right thing.
Yeah I know that.
So see you in a few hours.
Okay.
Gideon ?
Yeah.
Tell him I say goodbye.
This is not an admission of guilt.
Right.
You know when I first started this job, this sound of my phone ringing, a call from the Bureau,
I used to get so excited the blood would race through my veins.
And now, that same sound paralyzes me.
I'm not the same person anymore.
That night at Lee's, if I had to do it all over again,
I wouldn't change a thing.
Even though you killed someone.
I guess that's it then.
You know, when I first joined the team,
I couldn't figure out why you never ever smile.
Now I think I'm actually gonna miss that.
I'm gonna miss you too.

THE HOAX (2006)
Dana?
Dana, can you hear me?
Just follow the instructions.
Is that so difficult?
No, no, "N"!
Harold.
It's very becoming. 
I like that.
Guys, there's nothing I can do, all right?
The meeting's gonna be canceled.
The building's being evacuated.
Top four floors are closed off.
I don't know what's going on.
It doesn't matter.
Nobody's supposed to be there.
Just follow the instructions.
Is that so difficult?
Clifford, it's 2:37 and my interns are stranded.
- Where the fuck is he?
- He's coming.
- He's coming?
- He's coming.
I think we got something.
Oh, my God. 
Is that him?
South side of the building.
Do you see it?
- That's him! 
He's here!
- Oh, my God!
He's landing! 
Clear the roof!
- Get your things. 
Go! 
Come on!
- Quickly.
He keeps his promises.
Fake.
- Fake.
- Yes.
Malika, Clifford is the man who wrote Fake.
An excellent book about the guy, artist...
I'm blanking... 
Who was it?
- Art forger.
- The art forger.
- Exactly. 
Elmyr de Hory was his name.
- Okay.
He forged Picassos, Matisses, Modiglianis...
The whole theory of forgery as art.
What is art?
Very subversive kind of act.
The book sold poorly.
- Well, it could've done better.
- Let's not talk about that today.
Regardless. 
The new one. 
Fiction.
- Yes.
- Rudnick's Problem.
I like it. 
You're right.
- I like it. 
Malika liked it, too.
- MALIKA: 
Yeah.
Yes, I did. 
I loved it. 
It was stunning.
It scared the hell out of me, actually, to tell you the truth.
- It's an angry book.
- ALBERT: 
But funny!
I mean, I read it, I thought it was hilarious.
It wasn't angry to me.
It was nice to me. 
It made me laugh.
But anger's important. 
We need anger.
Which I think will help us in Germany.
Regardless, marry us and have our children?
Brad Silber at Life is reading it right now for serialization rights.
Great.
Harold McGraw himself is reading it this weekend.
- You're kidding.
- That's just a formality.
You have waited, Cliff.
You've watched as less talented writers have bypassed you.
But now, justice at last.
They're going to push this one hard.
They're going to bet the bank.
- Is that a promise?
- You can set your watch by it.
Andrea, I don't have a watch.
Then buy one.
Trust me, you can afford it.
HERE COMES THE SUN PLAYING
Calls unreturned, they don't read you for six months, they're indifferent.
Then overnight... 
God.
Dick, can you hear me?
Dick! 
Here, try these. 
They're bigger.
No, they're fine.
We're doing a vacation, a gentleman's celebration kind of thing.
You got harpoons?
The ones that shoot?
- Yeah, most of them shoot.
- Good.
He looks like a sausage.
All right, I'll take the whole outfit.
Set me up as a regular account.
I prefer monthly payments.
You're a prick, Robert, you are such a prick. 
You played me like a harp.
Whitewalls, leather...
Is this guy a salesman?
Now, when my accountant comes by with the check, should he talk to you directly?
He should speak to me directly, yeah, with the check, yeah.
Call the police, there's a beautiful woman in front of my house!
SCREAMING WITH JOY
What's the matter, pear?
You haven't seen a bestselling author before?
- Oh, Cliff.
- Yes.
You didn't think I was going to do it, did you?
Stop, Cliff, stop.
Look, they're taking the sofa.
Oh, I love that sofa.
Hey, guys. 
How are you doing?
Hey, guys. 
How are you doing?
Ah, fuck the sofa.
- Close your eyes. 
Close, close.
- What?
- Okay.
- Oh, Cliff.
Cliff!
There, perfect.
You are a beautiful man.
I am sure you would desert me.
No, will desert you, the tense is future active.
Don't correct the grammar of it.
You are not this perfect person.
Honey, it's finished.
I told you it was finished.
It's finished with her.
- Good night.
- Cliff...
- Keys to my new car.
- Yeah, got it. 
Bye, honey.
Have fun.
Andrea!
Andrea! 
Hi, isn't this amazing?
Isn't this wild?
- Can I talk to you a second?
- Let's talk on Monday, Cliff.
No, just for a second.
It's really important. 
I'd like to...
Look, 30,000 copies is not gonna do it.
A short run like that, it sends out a message, and it's not a good one.
- We're not publishing the book.
- Exactly, exactly.
With 30,000 copies, it's like we're not really publishing the book...
Brad Silber at Life magazine hated it.
He called it,
"A third-rate Philip Roth knock-off." And he told Harold. 
And it was awful.
It just rolled like a snowball.
I wanted to tell you on Monday.
I'm sorry.
Fine, we'll do The New Yorker.
The New Yorker's better anyway...
You're not listening to me, Cliff.
McGraw-Hill is not publishing your book.
Book, gone. 
The bomb has dropped.
It's over.
Andrea, you said that this was a formality.
Well, apparently, I was mistaken.
Look, if you have other ideas, my door is always open to you.
The enemy, very deceitfully, has taken advantage of the troops...
They are potatoes, all of them.
Potato people.
And you are a brilliant, strong man who will have all his dreams.
All of them.
You know what I'm getting for dinner? 
Swordfish steak.
It sounds good. 
Sounds enticing.
Oh, come on, Cliff. 
Forget it, forget it.
All right. 
Enough, enough.
I want to talk about my friend.
Tell me about the children's book you're working on.
Oh, Richard the Lionhearted.
That's going okay.
I should be done by the end of the year.
You know, it's a great subject.
War, sodomy.
I mean, the war part's great.
Kids love war.
But what do you do with the sodomy?
You know?
You see, I want it to be historically accurate.
And you will make it so because you are a superb researcher, and a fine writer.
Thank you.
Bumped by this adolescent coffee boy.
My lit professor at Cornell compared me to Hemingway.
The middle of my life is at hand.
I don't have a couch.
Think about this.
Henry Miller was 38 years old, unpublished.
His wife left him for a lesbian.
You're kind to tell me that, Dick.
You're a very good man.
You're a good friend.
- Need a loan?
- Always.
- No, no. 
I was kidding, Cliff.
- You got a pen, kid?
I was kidding.
Your house is going into foreclosure.
- I'm post-dating it.
- Stop that. 
Stop being the hero.
- Go to bed.
- I got it, I got it. 
Walk away. 
Go.
- I got it.
- All right.
- Go to bed.
- I will.
Everyone's being relocated to another hotel.
Please stay calm and follow me.
- Excuse me. 
Can you...
- MAN: 
Follow me, please!
Somebody told me that Howard Hughes is moving into this hotel.
What is this? 
What's going on?
It's an executive decision to close the facility for the weekend, sir.
- You're being relocated.
- Executive decision?
Howard Hughes wants the pool to himself, so he's kicking everyone out at 1:00 a.m.?
I don't know about that, sir.
That's power.
It's a friendship between Tom Mix and Pancho Villa.
Revolution, Mexican revolution.
Men were men.
- Friendship and...
- Mr. Clifford?
Andrea's running late, so she said that we should just go ahead and start the meeting without her.
"Mr. Clifford"? 
Wait a minute.
I'm meeting with you?
Oh, no. 
Excuse me.
Mr. Clifford...
Excuse me!
Hello, I'm sorry, everybody. 
Andrea...
I'm sorry. 
I did tell him, but...
Cliff, I'm in the middle of a conference meeting.
Cliff, I'm in the middle of a conference meeting.
Andrea, our personal history demands that I bring this to you first.
Bring what?
I'm working on the most important book of the 20th century.
It's unprecedented.
I'm gonna discuss it tomorrow.
I'm gonna present the details about it tomorrow.
- Okay.
- Morning, 9:00 a.m.
- Thank you.
- At Nathan's Bowling Alley in Queens.
- Did I ever take you there before?
- Sir?
Okay, yeah, I'm going, I'm going.
You'd better be sure, Andrea, that I don't have anything, 'cause Simon and Schuster is coming.
"Of the century"? 
Couldn't you have just said "of the decade"?
All right, all right.
- And why a bowling alley?
- Please, make a contribution here.
Just open your mind.
The first thing that comes to your mind.
- Potato famine.
- Too Irish.
- A history of agriculture.
- Oh, that's a bestseller.
- Shedding new light on World War I. 
- What's the new light?
Write about Picasso.
Everyone loves Picasso.
- I don't.
- Charlemagne?
- Too French.
- History of the Vatican.
- I'm dying.
- Give me a clue here.
- I'm being self-destructive.
- I gotta call Barbara.
I'm burning bridges, Edith.
They never appreciated you there.
I need lunch.
I'm having a breakdown.
- My gallery show's in three weeks.
- I know.
I don't have time for the drama now, darling.
Shit.
HERE COMES THE SUN PLAYING
Dick!
Size 7.
How?
No one knows where he is.
I show up, I've seen him.
I've seen the snowman.
I send him my de Hory book.
He reads it.
It's a positive portrayal of a very complex man.
Oh, my God, I get a response.
Correspondence. 
Sparks fly.
Personal connection.
We become best of friends.
What do you think?
- What is it? 
What's the book?
- Wait, wait.
Where's Simon and Schuster, Tolstoy?
This is the key to it.
Have a strong, continuous line, keep the pen on the paper.
Just like that.
All these articles say the same thing.
Hughes runs a billion-dollar network of companies, but he only communicates with handwritten memos.
He doesn't even talk to his top guys.
There's no direct contact anywhere.
That's why it's gonna work.
Fine. 
Tell me my dick grew five inches last night.
I'll still use a ruler.
Howard Hughes?
Howard Hughes, the billionaire?
His exclusive, authorized autobiography.
He wants Cliff to write it with him.
And they want us to publish it.
Handwriting analysis? 
Right away.
Can we bring it over right now?
"It would not suit me to die without having stated the truth about my life."
"My life."
"I therefore authorize Clifford Irving to act as intermediary
"as to any arrangements regarding the publishing of my memoir."
ANDREA: "It would not suit me to die
"without having certain misconceptions cleared up
"and without having stated the truth about my life."
So, taking you at your word...
Yeah.
How does Mr. Hughes propose we proceed?
I...
Look, this is all very strange.
I'm just getting the lay of the land here myself.
But what...
What I can gather so far is that he refuses to go outdoors.
He will only initiate, never accept, phone calls.
Those two particular rumors seem to be true.
But he did say that he would provide handwritten contracts for legal purposes.
And... 
Whatever questions you...
You know, you give them to me,
I'll pass them on when he makes contact with me.
But beyond that, I don't know what to say, really.
Why you, Cliff?
He could have any writer in the world do this for him.
Albert, I have absolutely no idea.
This is the strangest thing that has ever happened to me.
Best guess, he likes me.
So, the matching against the reprinted letters from Newsweek magazine,
Osborn Associates' preliminary opinion is that the handwriting samples are genuine.
- Okay, well, all right...
- Excuse me one second.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah?
- Clifford?
- Yeah?
Did you and Howard discuss how much you both wanted?
Because we would like to make you an offer today.
We did. 
We did. 
We...
We did discuss it.
UP AROUND THE BEND PLAYING
- Can I weigh in here?
- No.
A man walks in, he says something completely implausible, and for that exact reason, he is believed.
No, it's an Aquarian phenomenon.
- Very, very spiritual.
- Lawyers are not spiritual.
Presumably, this is gonna make news.
Howard Hughes hasn't spoken to the press in 15 years.
What are you so nervous about?
- You can't think, Dick. 
No thinking.
- All I'm saying is, once this gets out, what's gonna stop this guy from suing our asses off?
Three words. 
TWA shareholder lawsuit.
Howard has a judgment of 137 million bucks waiting to hit him if he walks into any courtroom.
So the book comes out, it doesn't matter. 
He can't sue.
He can still say it's a fake.
He doesn't say anything about anything. 
This guy...
He uses ripped-up Kleenex boxes for slippers and he drinks his own piss.
- He's psychotic.
- DICK: 
Have you heard of Intertel?
He has his own private CIA.
Ruthless advisors.
His advisors don't know anything about the book because he's too paranoid to tell them.
And he'll never come out of hiding long enough to denounce me because he's a lunatic hermit.
And I am the spokesperson for the lunatic hermit.
So the more outrageous I sound, the more convincing I am.
Do you believe this, the perfection?
- They offered half a million.
- Half a million dollars?
Four-hundred grand for Howard and a hundred grand for us!
Oh, I thought you meant just a half a million for us.
Schmuck, it's all for us.
There is no Howard Hughes.
- Dick, are you paying attention to me?
- Yeah.
The problem is this.
It's an oral agreement.
Their lawyers are gonna jump all over this, which is why we have to leave right now.
We gotta become experts on this man's life.
And if we find dirt and it rings true, the top guys will shove this deal right down the lawyers' throats.
Cliff, no visits with special friends, right?
I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize what we've rebuilt, okay?
You just said to warn you when you get excited.
- You seem excited.
- Well...
I love you.
I love you.
Cliff, Howard Hughes' testimony at the Senate committee hearings in 1947.
It's got his speech patterns, his syntax, everything. 
It's perfect.
Take a picture.
You can't photograph a government document, it's a felony.
You gonna memorize it?
Take a picture. 
Take a picture.
I'm a researcher, Cliff.
I am not a jewel thief.
You own 25 percent of this book.
You want it to be good?
You take a picture.
DICK: 
You know, I've always had a dangerous side.
Barbara has often remarked on it.
But to take down the Library of Congress. 
God, the adrenaline.
You took a nice picture of your leg here.
- Or is that your ankle? 
I can't tell.
- Where?
Right there.
- It's my ankle.
- It's all out of focus anyway.
- Jesus.
- Want another drink?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, me, too.
Oh, fuck.
Harold, this book will sell more copies than the Bible.
And our competitors will kill to get it, and if they can't get it, they will do anything they can to destroy it.
I say we sign this contract immediately, and institute absolute, total secrecy.
Total. 
Not even wives can know.
Within reason.
From now on, we refer to Hughes as "Octavio."
The book is called "Project Octavio."
HAROLD:
Get Ralph Graves on the phone.
That's the code name.
I want our journalist friends to weigh in on this before I sign Mr. Hughes' piece of paper.
Look at all this security personnel.
This is a secure facility.
We need the information in portable form.
Just look comfortable, be buoyant.
Hell, they can let anybody in here.
- What if I'm a Russian?
- Be a buoyant Russian.
Records? 
What for?
You don't know what the hell's going on with your own company?
Well, to be honest with you, Sergeant, no, actually, we don't.
Mr. Hughes doesn't like to share information.
It's very frustrating for us.
You want frustration?
You want frustration?
Call Hughes Aircraft and try to find out when your plane's gonna be ready.
I've seen decorated individuals sobbing like six-year-old girls after dealing with you people.
Could my associate use your facilities, Sergeant?
Could he?
- Thank you for that.
- To your left.
I'll level with you.
We've had some problems.
Everyone has told us stories about delays.
Well, I can't get anybody on the phone, for one thing.
- I had no idea it was this serious.
- It's very serious.
- Frustrating.
- Can you go into any more detail?
Well, the only details I can tell you is that I've been on the phone three times today to one girl, who doesn't know what she's talking about, can't tell me when I'm gonna get my airplanes.
Which office were you talking to?
Do you mind if I write something down?
- Sure.
- This was the complaint department?
- No, acquisitions.
- Acquisitions?
Acquisitions, as far as I know.
My people been dealing with her, or somebody down there, for the last three months, trying to get two aircrafts.
This is an outrage.
An outrage, the military should be treated that way.
No. 
No. 
I'm not doing it.
Hi.
Thank you.
- Hey, Dick. 
You all right?
- Yeah.
Okay. 
Keep moving, keep moving.
- Just fine, just fine.
- It's palpitations.
It's okay. 
A little bit more, a little bit more. 
Keep moving.
Sit down here. 
That's good.
You all right?
You're fine. 
You're fine.
Fight or flight. 
It's an animal thing.
It's like you're being chased by a cheetah or something.
Okay, okay. 
I'll be fine.
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.
Look, Noah Dietrich, on the right.
Howard Hughes' right-hand man for over 30 years.
Retired to Vegas.
The other guy, I don't know.
Vegas?
You know, my guess is this guy, Dietrich, is going to be really cagey.
Information?
Las Vegas, Nevada, please.
Hello?
Mr. Dietrich?
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I'm sorry to bother you at home.
My name is Clifford Irving and I'm writing a book about the history of aviation.
I'd be really grateful if you'd share some of your expertise with me.
Oh, great. 
Come on over.
You like geranium tea?
It helps your bowels. 
Follow me.
Watch your step.
- Hey, you're a writer.
- Yes, I am.
I should show you something.
This is an account of my years at Tool Co.
You know Tool Co.?
Howard Hughes' company.
Has anyone seen this?
Nobody's seen it. 
It's sensitive.
Listen, I'll come right to the point.
I'll give you $500 to clean up the grammar, 'cause I'm bad with spelling.
Yeah, well, I'd have to read it first.
When can I get it back to you?
No, no, no, I can't let it out of the house.
Why don't you read it right now, sitting here?
- Now?
- Now.
Right here? 
Okay.
- NOAH: 
Take your time. 
See you later.
- Thank you.
You know what this is?
Do you understand what this means?
- This is exactly... 
It's gold.
- It's perfect.
We have to find a way to get it out of the house.
Copy, we need a copy.
Okay, get up. 
Stand in front of me.
Come over here.
- It's great in the water!
- Keep smiling. 
What's he doing?
- Oh, yeah.
- Tell me if he can see it.
Grab it.
Tell your friend to come in.
The water's beautiful.
Copy that and get back here, right away.
Thank you!
Sit down, sit down. 
Thank you.
All right? 
Are you ready?
All right. 
I'm done.
Sir, honesty is my policy.
This is atrocious. 
It's not publishable.
It's run-on sentences, it's mangled verbiage...
I'm very sorry.
You benefit and I benefit from honesty.
God bless.
This is badly spelled gossip from someone absolutely in the know.
This is perfect. 
Perfect! 
Oh, my...
You know what we should do? 
Let's give Andrea some good news.
This is amazing.
Everybody hates Howard Hughes.
They call him cheap, everything else.
But, you know, they're in his thrall.
They can't stop talking about him.
He's Howard Hughes.
Who the fuck are they?
Listen. "He rarely took vacations.
"But when he did, he usually booked a remote hotel
"But when he did, he usually booked a remote hotel
"in the Juchit\E1n mountains called the Salina Cruz."
- Remote. 
R-E-M-O-A-T. 
Vacation...
- I'm going for a walk.
- I'll be back in a little bit.
- Okay.
What is it?
Look, you told me not to call you ever again, so I didn't.
- I say a lot of stupid things, you know?
- Yeah.
It was funny seeing you the other night.
I would have given anything to get this call a year ago.
- It's too late. 
I...
- Clifford...
- You ran out of time. 
Sorry.
- Clifford, wait. 
I need to see you.
Bye.
Cliff, listen to this.
This is from the Dietrich manuscript.
There's a full transcription here of a conversation between Howard Hughes and Frank McCullough from Time magazine.
They mention Intertel, the Mormon guy, George Gordon Holmes.
- It's fantastic.
- Stop, listen to me.
- Nina called from New York last night.
- Oh, here we go.
Dick, it took me a year to make things right with Edith.
- Keep an eye on me, will you?
- Keep an eye?
It's my second profession.
- Here you are.
- Thanks.
Cliff...
I've been talking to Barbara, and she's found some kind of publishing contract.
And I was wondering if maybe we could talk about, you know, some kind of credit deal, or just some more money for me.
You're not happy with what we talked about?
- No, no, no, it's not that.
- What? 
What is it?
Well, it's just like...
I sort of feel that, you know...
Don't answer that! 
Don't...
Hello, darling. 
It's Ms. Tate calling.
We have a bit of a problem.
- Andrea thinks it's just me...
- Hello! 
Hi, Andrea, this...
- Who is this?
- You can't say her name.
- This is Dick.
- No, no, don't give your name.
Dick Suskind.
Dick, how do you know my name?
- Don't tell her!
- Cliff mentioned you.
What are you doing out there with Clifford?
- I am the...
- Co-coordinator of...
- I'm the coauthor of Project Octavio.
- Excuse me?
- Is Cliff there?
- Yes, certainly. 
He's right here.
- Put him on the phone, please.
- I didn't know what else to say.
- I heard you talking...
- I know what you're doing.
- I know what you're doing.
- What?
I know what you're doing.
Hi, Andrea.
Who the hell was that, Clifford?
That is my associate.
I was intending to talk to you about him.
He's working with me on this.
All right. 
You need to be in New York at 9:00 on Monday morning.
You're meeting with Ralph Graves.
He's the editor-in-chief of Life magazine.
Yeah, I know who he is.
You need to go over all your contacts with Octavio.
Life knows a lot about him, so get your memory clear and be specific.
I don't want to lose the deal over their knee-jerk suspicions.
What do you... 
Wait, wait, wait.
What do you mean, "lose the deal"?
What suspicions?
Just tell them the truth.
He gave me a prune.
He gave me a prune.
Visualize the Mediterranean or something.
You're sweating like an animal.
You know, it's pretty nervy of these publishers to put us through this inquisition.
Well, you can't sit it out now.
You're a coauthor.
History.
Quite a responsibility.
The second handwriting analysis told us your letters from Mr. Hughes are authentic.
ANDREA: 100 percent.
RALPH: 
No surprise there.
Experts want to provide their employers with good news.
He gave me a prune.
What?
Right... 
In a bag.
He gave me a prune. 
Howard Hughes.
Dick is jumping forward a little bit.
It was a memorable moment for him.
- Anyway, Ralph, how can we help?
- You know, no one likes to be accused.
I really don't think anyone's making accusations here, Dick.
Are we going to stand around all day looking at photographs?
We came here to talk about Howard Hughes. 
Let's talk about him.
He gave me a prune.
Howard Hughes gave me a prune on the beach at Nassau.
I thought you met Hughes the first time in Mexico.
Ralph, what happened was this.
I got a phone call.
Really, out of the blue.
From a man named George Gordon Holmes.
Longtime associate of Howard Hughes.
He says he wants us to fly down to Mexico City, wait for a call, so we go ahead and do this.
We fly down there, we check into this fleabag hotel.
Eighteen hours we wait, no air conditioning, sand crabs in the bathtub, I say, "The hell with him,"
when we spot an envelope, shoved under the door.
He rarely went on vacation, but when he did, he usually booked into a remote hotel
- in the mountains of Juchit\E1n.
- It says,
- in the mountains of Juchit\E1n.
- It says,
"There's a pilot waiting to take you to Juchit\E1n."
So it's 6:00 a.m., we're flying low over the mountains, and I'm nervous.
But he's got a touch, this bush pilot.
He brings it right down onto a gray pebble landing strip.
Just as it comes down, I see out of the corner of my eye, there's a jeep that's coming down from the mountains.
Mexican military?
No.
It's Holmes.
- Mr. Irving?
- Yes, that's right. 
Mr. Holmes?
- Who is this?
- Dick Suskind, sir.
So, he's a little surprised to see Dick, but I explained that Dick was my researcher and friend, and that's why he was there and I couldn't do without him.
We get in the jeep, and he takes us on this endless ride, up through the mountains.
We circled around the top of this hill and we got to the hotel, which was called
Salina Cruz.
Holmes motions for us to follow.
It's quiet.
There's a room way in the back, like a hut.
Doesn't even have a view of the ocean.
We can barely see.
There's a little slip of a man on a bed, sitting like a monk.
Howard Hughes.
Howard Hughes.
Howard Hughes is sitting right there.
My heart...
And then he was reaching out through the mosquito netting, and he offered Dick a...
A prune.
A prune.
Dick takes the prune,
eats the prune...
Not bad.
And he started talking about the extraordinary value of Mexican soil, organic farming, organic food, et cetera, et cetera.
The two of them started jabbering like old friends.
We ended up talking a little bit about business, then Dick and I went home.
- I'm a little hungry.
- Let's eat.
Ralph, will you pick something fabulous?
The Latour please, '61.
- That'll get us started. 
Thank you.
- Oh, yes.
And some beluga, shall we, gentlemen?
MAN: 
Sounds good.
You know, Howard Hughes doesn't like caviar.
Really?
Really. 
In fact, he made a special point of saying so.
I remember that. 
I...
It was such a non sequitur.
It was a strange thing.
It was just after Clifford finished talking about the...
- The crash.
- That's right. 
The crash.
The one in Beverly Hills.
He nearly hit the top of that house, parked it right on top of the house, hurt his back, but he walked away from it.
And he said that people in Beverly Hills eat caviar, and he doesn't like it and then he crashed his plane.
Okay, then let's make it two beluga appetizers, please.
- Three maybe.
- Three, yeah. 
Make it three.
- Andrea, yeah?
- Thank you. 
Okay. 
Good.
Did you get any sense of his business acumen?
Go ahead.
It's interesting. 
He said that...
Very interesting. 
He said that people often think of business as business, which of course it is, but also...
Within business, there is also pleasure.
You know, business is pleasure.
Pleasure can be a business.
Business has pleasure.
It's both. 
It's both at the same time.
I didn't really understand it, but after a while it sunk in, and I realized, you know, that's his genius.
This is your check for writing services.
The second check for Mr. Hughes, or, Octavio, sorry...
It's gonna take a little longer to process.
I understand you're authorized to receive Mr. Hughes' payment?
Yeah, I am, I am, thank you.
But don't take too long, all right?
Life magazine is prepared to offer $250,000 for worldwide exclusive rights to serialize the Howard Hughes story.
That's a record, Harold.
I'm wondering if it's enough of a record, Ralph.
Oh, jeez.
The money makes this real.
You can still back out, but you gotta tell me now.
- Back out?
- Yeah.
Fuck, no!
We're the goddamn Musketeers.
Good. 
That's good.
Don't spend any money, though.
Better we keep it for later, in case we need it.
Absolutely.
In other news, the Supreme Court has agreed to hear the TWA shareholders' case against reclusive billionaire Howard Hughes.
A loss could cost Hughes $ 137,000,000 and devastate his financial empire.
The Nixon Justice Department has thus far refused...
We gotta reach big.
We'll go for texture, gritty details, we need blood, we need money, we need real juicy, Shakespearean, big stuff...
You want to critique a sitting president who's also a war criminal?
- No, no, no.
- You can do anything you want.
You can impact culture with something like this.
"Lmpact culture." I want to make some money and not get caught.
You know, we've got to make this plausible.
Dick, I handed them three yellow letters.
They gave me $500,000.
Is that plausible?
I don't think so.
- You want to get a drink?
- Okay.
I'm gonna change my shirt.
I'll be right out.
- I'm heading home.
- You go. 
I'm sticking for a while.
- See you, Tom.
- Good night.
- Tommy, can I use your phone?
- Yeah, sure, go right ahead.
I saw Elmyr a few months ago in Ibiza.
So, how is our old friend Elmyr?
Well, I was having dinner with friends, and he was at the bar, sitting all alone, drinking.
He came up to me and he said,
"I have always found your affair with Clifford to be common and immoral."
And he stormed out.
You're lying. 
Elmyr didn't say that.
Oh, I'm the liar?
Oh, I'm the liar?
And who's writing a fake book about the most famous man in the world?
Gotta get back.
No! 
No, the clock is broken. 
You stay.
Just to confirm, he's still rich and you're still not gonna leave him.
Oh, I want to, Cliff, I want to.
But, no, I'm not going to.
I'm shallow, Cliff.
My greatest desire is to be an American movie star.
- How shallow is that?
- Pretty shallow.
And besides, why does it bother you so much that I'm your mistress?
Brecht, Hemingway, they all had mistresses.
The lying gives me a headache, if you want to know the truth.
Oh, I forgot. 
You're a devoted husband.
I think I forgot while you were screwing me.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I know I should have not called you.
I'm not gonna go through this whole thing again.
I can't do it to her. 
I can't.
I'll see you next time?
Oh, Dick, Nina!
There's no future with her.
- She weakens me.
- Okay, all right. 
That's very helpful.
Edith is stability, Dick. 
She's my rock.
Give me a break, will you, please?
Did you tell Nina about the book?
Are you out of your fucking mind?
I've got the "I'm an asshole" part down pretty good.
It's the "What do I do now?" part I need help with.
Please? 
Be my friend?
- Are you my friend?
- Yeah, I'm your friend.
I don't know what I'm gonna do if she asks me where I went.
Come clean.
She'll leave me, for good.
It's the best I got.
What else can I tell you?
You wanna hear this?
Yeah.
All right, this is the Senate hearings, 1947.
I'm not even sure that's a correct statement, but the fact remains that if I made 15 million dollars,
I made it selling oil well tools and beer,
Grand Prize beer, to people down in Texas.
"Beer down in Texas."
And I don't think the public should be led to believe...
"Led to believe."
... on war contracts while I did not.
Now, furthermore...
"Now, furthermore..."
- "Furthermore, Senator..." - "Furthermore..."
... a little money somewhere.
How could I put nine million dollars...
A little pocket change worth five million dollars in my pocket.
Mr. Hughes, where would you like to begin?
- Family, friends, father...
- Yeah.
My father. 
We'll do father.
People called my father Big Howard.
Big Howard...
Big Howard made his money leasing drilling bits in the oil business.
He said to me... 
He said, "Sonny..."
"Sonny, these drill bits are your bread and butter.
"Don't ever let 'em go."
Big Howard died when I was 18.
His bunch of Texas roughneck friends tried to sell his company.
Pushed me out of the picture.
I don't like being pushed.
Now, when two parties negotiate, you got a lion and a donkey.
One party, through bluster or leverage, claims control of the situation right away. 
That's the lion.
At 18,
I sued these men trying to sell my father's company.
I sued them, I attacked them, I blackmailed them,
I pushed every which way I could!
I learned to be a lion.
Jesus, Cliff.
- Read the women's rags lately?
- Hi.
Excerpts from Howard Hughes' autobiography in Ladies Home Journal from the book by Robert Eaton.
Life's lawyers are gnawing the flesh from my bones.
Would you like to tell me, Clifford, what the fuck is going on here?
Would you like to tell me, Clifford, what the fuck is going on here?
I don't know anything about this.
This goddamn Eaton supposedly has memos, the same handwritten memos that you've got, so...
Either you're selling this twice and using Robert Eaton as a pen name...
I won't even dignify that with a response.
Or, more likely, your demigod lunatic friend is using two writers.
You get it?
All the sharks at my company have is you, which means they will sue your skinny ass for every cent of the advance, plus damages, for making false representations...
No, I made no false representations!
...about an exclusive book you said you could deliver.
So she said that they said that they would sue us both?
- Yeah.
- Both of us?
- I mean, she mentioned me by name?
- Yes.
Can you believe this son of a bitch had the same idea?
But I spent the money.
I told you we might have to give it back!
Jeez, Dick.
Well, it wasn't exactly a huge percentage to begin with.
Look, just pay the money.
Tell them that Hughes has changed his mind.
- And I'll owe you the difference.
- I can't. 
I'm down most of it myself.
Yeah, well, borrow it.
This isn't a prank anymore, Cliff.
If they go to the press with this, we're gonna have Howard fucking Hughes chasing us.
And Intertel.
Remember, they'll stab us with sodium pentothal?
They'll kill us or tie us up or something.
Howard won't be coming after us.
His advisors maybe, but he won't.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
- What, he tell you that over breakfast?
- Yeah.
And what about this other book?
What if that's the real thing, huh?
You thought about that?
All right, the question is, what would Howard do in a situation like this?
I don't know. 
Buy a fucking airline.
Diversion, end run, surprise.
Who are you now? 
General Patton?
Viruses and bacteria are the most powerful enemies...
Luce.
the human body has got.
You look at the fingernail clippings...
Henry Luce.
Dick, I think you should take a little holiday.
You got everything?
You got your passport?
- You got the letter? 
Okay, great.
- Yeah, I'm fine...
You're gonna be fine. 
Bye.
ONLY YOU KNOW AND I KNOW PLAYING
- Hello, this is Andrea.
- Yeah, Andrea, it's Cliff.
Yeah, one more thing, Shelton Fisher needs to be at the meeting.
Do you know who he is?
Chairman of McGraw-Hill, yes.
- Has to be at the meeting.
- All right, I'll see what I can do.
It's not me. 
It's him.
No negotiation. 
No Fisher, no meeting.
Mr. Irving, it would appear that either you or your illustrious sponsor is jerking someone's chain.
Let me assure you that chain will not be connected to Life magazine.
So, why don't you begin by telling us who Robert Eaton is and why he's selling the book you're supposed to be writing?
Shelton, have you received your mail today?
Excuse me?
Ralph, I was talking to Shelton.
As a side comment, watch your tone with me.
I've been up for two nights negotiating with a very stubborn billionaire, and my quota for verbal abuse has been reached.
Could you get the mail, please?
Life magazine has been known to have a slight impact on writers' careers, my friend.
And we...
We are not afraid of civil litigation.
That's the tone, right there.
You got that? 
Watch it.
Is that it?
All right, Shelton, while you're reading this, assuming that Howard wrote what he told me he was gonna write,
I will give a summary to the group here.
Howard doesn't know who Eaton is.
The book is a fake.
But that doesn't really matter now because when he found out that McGraw-Hill sold the serialization rights to Life magazine without his authorization, he became...
What's the word? 
Apoplectic.
You got a problem, Ralph.
Your magazine is owned by Henry Luce.
What's the matter with Henry Luce?
According to Howard?
Well, Luce is in bed with Juan Trippe at Pan Am.
He's a goddamn socialist and he's a lousy golfer.
It's just... 
It's a rant.
It's basically a three-page rant about what a bastard Luce is.
That's Howard's words, it's not mine.
I don't have a problem with Luce at all.
And the postmark is Nassau.
That is completely irrelevant.
And we are talking about a business agreement that will hold up in a court of law.
We had a business agreement.
Not anymore.
I pleaded with him to reconsider, but I was unsuccessful, so...
Per Howard's instructions, I am returning his $ 100,000 advance check to you.
Now, if you want to, you can chase us around in court.
Meanwhile, we're gonna look for another publisher.
Wait, no, Clifford.
Wait, no, Clifford.
Mr. Irving, we have a contract with you, which means that our company owns the property.
Wrong.
Through all of my pleading, hours of it, believe me, it could be yours, Shelton.
It could. 
You could make a public announcement within the week.
You know, and he's all right, actually, with Ralph still being involved with this thing, provided you increase his advance to one million dollars, and not a penny less.
- What? 
A million dollars?
- Yes.
A million dollars?
Wait, I think we should try to maintain an atmosphere of goodwill and trust here.
- Trust?
- Yeah.
The man's a Texan copperhead.
"Trust."
Thank you.
Where are you going?
Where are you going? 
Wait a minute.
Let me tell you something.
That book is mine, signed and sealed!
And I'm not paying any goddamn million dollars for it.
You understand that?
You listen to me, Mr. Clifford fucking Irving.
- You go and tell...
- I'm not Clifford Irving.
I'm Howard Hughes!
Howard's mouth, Howard's words.
One million dollars, or we walk across the street to Doubleday.
It's your choice.
All right.
You know, Shelton, I just want to share this with you.
You know, one of Howard's alternate ideas, he said, "Why don't I just buy a controlling interest in McGraw-Hill?"
What was it he said?
"I'll just keep the printing presses and get rid of the idiots."
That's an exact quote.
Bye.
UP AROUND THE BEND PLAYING
- That's it. 
Thank you.
- Sure.
Why are the boys so glum?
In the midst of our brilliant scheme, we forgot to figure out how to cash a check made out to Howard Hughes.
Open up a Swiss account in his name for yourself.
We were going to do that.
And then we found out that you need social security numbers.
And it's traceable, even in Switzerland.
Trust me, we've gone over everything.
What if a woman deposits the check?
No, no. 
The same person who opens the account has to be the same person that cashes the check.
Howard Hughes. 
It has to be a man.
Tell his publishers he changed his mind.
He wants the checks written to his initials now. 
H.R. Hughes.
Then, a fake passport, a fake name, Harriet Rhonda Hughes,
Helga Rhinoceros Hughes,
And I can cash the check.
- No, you're not going to Switzerland.
- Oh, Jesus. 
That's a great idea.
Cliff, that's gonna work.
She can cash the check.
- She's my wife, Dick.
- Yeah, I know she's your wife.
I've reminded you of that fact from time to time.
You know, when he doesn't call, stuff like that.
We've talked about it already.
No, I'm...
- It's just about anonymity, that's all it is.
- I wouldn't...
- Great. 
Which one's mine?
- That... 
No, that's the old one.
So you're gonna destroy this?
- Okay, very good, thanks.
- Okay.
It's gonna take at least a week for the check to clear, so you're gonna have plenty of time to enjoy Zurich.
The McGraw-Hill Book Company and Life magazine announced the publication of the Hughes' autobiography  that he interviewed Hughes on many occasions.
... autobiography, urging buyers to place an order now for what may prove to be the most controversial book of the century.
I have phone calls, I have telegrams, I have cease-and-desist orders.
Miss Tate, am I going to pay this man a million dollars for a book that he is going to sue me for publishing?
My back is broken.
What did you order?
If you were concerned, maybe you can ask Howard to stop the more adamant denials.
Yeah, yeah. 
I gotta run.
Let me see if I can do something about that, okay?
"Hughes' lawyer calls book complete fabrication."
That's it, we're liars.
Hughes' lawyers calling us liars.
We knew this would happen. 
Why are you so nervous?
My name's in the goddamn newspaper!
Barbara's very concerned about this.
A month ago, you wanted more credit.
Yeah, well, you know, Hughes' people, they're all ex-CIA.
Did you know that?
They're all trained in martial arts.
Good, good. 
I hope they drop-kick some sense into you.
- Shit. 
What is that about?
- Is it over with her?
- Over with her?
- I don't know what this is.
Edith, she did this deliberately, maliciously, because I cut off communication with her.
She wants this to separate us.
Did you see her? 
No, don't, don't...
I don't want to know.
I don't want to know.
I don't want you to go to Switzerland.
It might be dangerous.
I don't care about the money.
Bullshit.
You care only about the money.
Oh, and being a famous man.
Anyway, fuck you. 
It is my money, too.
Fuck you!
Oh, my God.
We got him.
We got him.
- Dick! 
Dick!
- What?
- Dick, we got it. 
We got it.
- Got what?
You won't believe this.
Okay, listen. 
Rebozo...
"Rebozo accepted $ 100,000 in cash to redecorate Nixon's home.
"The acceptance was understood to mean that our TWA appeal
"and the Airwest matter would be of highest priority."
And also, in 1956, Hughes gave Nixon's brother $205,000 dollars to secure Pentagon contracts.
This is money-laundering. 
It's bribery.
It's the end. 
This is...
We publish this,
Nixon... 
Nixon, the president, is impeached.
Do you understand the power this gives us?
Cliff, I'm not sure I want the power this gives us.
Yeah, well, I do.
Cliff, you publish this, you will have a storm of shit rain down on you.
And there are people now, God knows who,
Nixon's political enemies, Hughes' advisors, they know where you live.
Yes.
- I say you forget you ever saw this.
- Forget it?
This is like a Torah sent down from God to make us part of history, and you want to forget it, Dick?
Come here.
Let me show you something.
It's postmarked from Nevada.
That's Hughes country.
What are you saying?
He wants us to help him bust Nixon.
He's with us, Dick! 
Howard is with us.
How did you know the Dillon Read hydraulic systems were faulty?
You're not listening,
Clifford, goddamn it.
I made sure they were faulty through a couple of well-placed bribes.
So, why didn't you just go to Defense with the information and get the contract?
Well,
I couldn't have handled the contracts then.
So instead of tattling on them, I fixed their planes.
I intertwined our technologies.
I ate that company from within, and they let me because they were hypnotized.
That's the way, Clifford.
When your rival is powerful, find an opportunity.
Create a crisis for him.
But instead of taking short-term advantage, save the day for him.
Nothing confuses a man more than a kind gesture from his enemy.
Nothing renders him more vulnerable.
It's Edith. 
Turn it off, turn it off.
I made sure they were faulty through a couple of...
It was Andrea. 
We got a problem.
Keep it down, guys, you're going to wake the neighbors.
Clifford, I don't believe you've met Frank McCullough.
- No. 
Hi, Frank.
- How are you?
Dick Suskind. 
Dick?
Hello.
I got a phone call yesterday from Chester Davis,
- who's Hughes' personal attorney.
- Yes, yes, yes.
Apparently at 1:00 p.m., our time, Howard Hughes is going to call to speak to an intermediary by telephone.
And as the last journalist to have spoken to Mr. Hughes, we mutually agreed that Mr. McCullough should receive the call, because of his ability to identify Mr. Hughes by voice.
Mr. McCullough has also assured us, at least for the moment, that all of this will remain off the record.
And Mr. Davis also insisted that Ralph Graves be present and in the room at the time of the phone call, which I have to say, Cliff, that one kind of surprised me, given Hughes' representations of Life
in your alleged communications with him.
If you'll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.
Shelton, this...
What am I supposed to say?
This is an ambush.
You know exactly what the guy is gonna say on the other end of this line.
But that's why Mr. McCullough is here, to identify the voice of the man in question.
I'm neutral here, Mr. Irving.
So, now we wait.
Can't watch this charade.
You can find me in the lobby.
Stay close, Clifford.
Hello?
It says exit, there's no exit.
Oh, my God.
Shit!
We can't get out.
Howard Hughes. 
My God.
We have no reason to believe that that was him.
McCullough hasn't heard from him.
He hasn't spoken to him in 12 years.
Breathe. 
Listen, Dick.
There's an angry billionaire.
- He's chasing me, he's hating me.
- You're hyperventilating.
- Go on.
- No.
Walk. 
We're going up here.
Keep moving, come on. 
Come on.
Cliff, I can't... 
I gotta take a piss.
I'll confess, I'll do anything they want.
I just have to use the bathroom.
- Okay, right here, right here.
- What?
Look, hide in there.
Watch your head.
Hide there.
If you've got to, piss in your pants.
- You just go ahead and you stay there.
- I'll stay right here.
What happened?
We don't know yet.
McCullough asked us to leave the room.
The man I just spoke to was Howard Hughes.
His speech patterns and inflections would be impossible to imitate.
And he told me that he's never met you, and that your book is a fraud.
A hoax.
Mr. Irving?
I'm listening.
Now, knowing Howard, I don't find this to be conclusive at all.
I mean, he is a very strange man.
But considering the scarcity of proof that you've provided, my best guess at this moment is that you are a charlatan.
If there is even a whiff of impropriety to this, if you have exaggerated or changed even the slightest detail,
I will prosecute you to the full extent of the law for grand larceny and mail fraud, unless you tell me right now just what the ballfuck is going on.
I have...
I have betrayed your trust.
The book, the entire story, is false.
I have lied to the entire world.
And no matter what happens now, I am so relieved.
I have off-the-record material on that two-faced prick, puts him in fucking jail.
I'm going to tell Howard, either he shows his ant-bitten face, or I release it!
I've had it!
You have three days to produce Howard Hughes and the manuscript.
Grand larceny, Cliff? 
Mail fraud?
Jesus... 
No way.
This is just too much! 
Too much!
We've got a move, there is a move here, we're just not seeing it yet.
Stop the car. 
Pull over. 
Stop the car.
- I've gotta make a phone call.
- What are you doing?
What am I doing? 
I'm calling Barbara.
That's what I'm doing.
Yeah, it's me.
What?
It's over, Cliff. 
I can't go to jail.
Now, with you or without you,
I'm gonna tell them tomorrow that Howard Hughes called and he pulled out of the deal.
You can pay them back the money.
I talked to Barbara.
She had very strong feelings about this.
I'm sure she did.
You're an honorable man, Dick.
Aren't you?
Are you an honorable man?
Did you make a commitment to me, Dick?
Did you say you were in this till the end?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Reaching a worldwide audience, taking down a corrupt President.
That's the end! 
Not this!
- It's finished, Cliff. 
It's finished.
- Yeah, right. 
Sure.
- I'm sorry I disappointed you.
- Good.
Do you read? 
Yeah.
I encourage people to read, because I...
- Right.
- That way, they read my books, and I sell books and I can make some money.
That is why I love it when people say, "I'm a reader."
I say, "Good for you, and good for me."
- I bet you are a good...
- Hey, cowboy. 
We gotta go.
- No, no, I don't wanna go.
- Yes, you do.
We gotta go.
I've just been having a very interesting conversation with these lovely ladies.
- Come sit, have a drink, have a drink.
- WOMAN: 
It's true.
No, you can't jazz anything up.
You have to be historically accurate.
I need to find a great book.
The one book...
- Tommy, two. 
Two more doubles.
- TOM: 
Yeah, sure.
His two main preoccupations...
Am I right?
Were war and sodomy.
Now, this is my problem.
It's a hazardous business, sodomy.
- Yes, this is what I hear.
- "What you hear..."
It's what you hear.
That's the way.
When your rival is powerful, find an opportunity.
Create a crisis for him.
But instead of taking short term advantage, save the day for him.
Hi.
Cliff?
What happened last night?
I smell...
I smell...
Oh, no.
Oh, God. 
No, I didn't...
Oh, I didn't.
I did, didn't I?
It's all right.
Dick, listen to me.
It was a mistake.
It was a mistake.
She's wanted security for a long time, hasn't she?
- Yes.
- Yes, she has.
Well, you can give her that now.
I promise you, I will make this work.
I will make this work. 
I promise.
I intertwined our technologies.
I ate that company
from within.
And they let me because they were hypnotized.
HERE COMES THE SUN PLAYING
The Mayor of New York planned this parade through his voting precinct  and Owen Brewster was a thieving, lying jackal.
If you've got a jackal after you...
I flew around the world in 1938, for the only decent reason a young man does anything.
Because he feels like it.
They set a meeting for Mr. Octavio and he's gonna show up here.
This is perhaps the most bizarre communiqu\E9 I have ever received.
And I need your help in implementing its requirements.
At 1:00 p.m. Tomorrow, the top four floors of this building are to be evacuated.
All the carpeting on the 14th floor is to be removed.
Floors are to be washed and waxed.
All the windows are to be covered with black material, a kind which does not accumulate dust.
Does that apply to my windows also, Mr. Irving?
Yeah. 
I'd go ahead and cover them up, Harold.
I think it's the best thing. 
Play it safe.
This is sensitive material.
I'm still deciding whether or not to put this in the book, but...
I think you should put it somewhere safe.
- Of course, Cliff.
- Okay.
All right, then...
Here's our manuscript.
Hope you like it.
Hope to God I do, too.
All right, I'll bring down Howard as soon as he gets here.
All right.
All right, check the western...
Make sure that the diameter is exactly right.
It's okay?
- Yeah, don't worry about me.
- You're doing good.
Yes, on the spot. 
Correct.
You see and...
MAN: 
He doesn't like fumes.
We might not wanna let this fly off the building.
- What do you think?
- Give me that.
- Did you copy this, by hand?
- Yes.
- From the original.
- Cliff!
- No photocopy, right?
- No!
I kept...
I am fully aware of the restrictions, Cliff.
- All right?
- Brad?
- I did it by hand.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
Why do I always want to strangle Brad?
Every time.
Is that him?
Do you see it?
- That's him! 
He's here!
- Oh, my God!
He's landing! 
Clear the roof!
- Get your things. 
Go! 
Come on!
- Quickly.
Where's he going?
I don't know.
Oh, no. 
This is not happening.
Can we head back?
He was 50 feet from the fucking building.
All right? 
My diagram is fine.
It's not outside of...
- Andrea, do you have the original?
- Yes.
It's not outside the scope of my capabilities, diagramming
- a simple copy of what he wrote.
- We'll find out.
- I can do that.
- You switched east and west. 
Why?
Why did you do... 
Look!
No, I wrote what was on the damn page.
No, you didn't.
Look, he's an eccentric genius.
He likes things the way he wants them.
Why did you change it?
A three-year-old wouldn't have fucked that up.
- Doesn't know east from west.
- Pray that you die, you sniveling twat.
I swear to Christ, I wrote what was on his page.
Right the same. 
Exactly the same.
Your book is genuine.
There's no way your material could have come from anyone but Howard Hughes.
The colloquialisms, the idiosyncratic philosophies.
Heck, you have got a near-perfect account of a conversation I had with Howard that I didn't tell another living soul about.
- Really?
- It's typical Howard Hughes.
- You write it, then deny it.
- It was so... 
I was having such... 
Yeah.
He really put you on one hell of a limb, didn't he, Cliff?
It wasn't easy. 
No, it wasn't.
But I've had a lot of help.
- It's a masterpiece, Cliff.
- Really?
A masterpiece.
- You liked it?
- I loved it.
Oh, yes! 
Yes!
Davis is threatening civil action if the book is published.
Why is he fighting so hard if the book is authentic?
I wouldn't be surprised if they got surveillance devices all over my home, right now, this second.
The controversy over the Clifford Irving book on Howard Hughes is apparently of little concern to those who stand to profit from high sales of that book.
If you ask my advice, the election of George Bush as United States Senator will be good for Texas.
I know it will be good for America.
But in any event, he pulled out a bag, reached in and he pulled out a prune,
and he looked at Dick and offered it and said, "Would you like a prune?"
And Dick took the prune, tasted it and he said,
"That's an organic prune."
When this book comes out, all the naysayers will be amazed at the wealth, the depth, the quality, of the material that's been given to us.
You are so royally full of shit.
I mean, I feel very humble in this situation of being a conduit, for this kind of revelation that is not just about this man, but about our age and who we are as a people.
- Hello?
- Clifford, I have the money.
I am safe now.
- Edith, where are you?
- I'm at the airport.
But they're watching.
Someone is watching me, and following me and...
Edith? 
Edith!
Where's Howard?
You know, Clifford, I have worked in various capacities for Mr. Hughes for 19 years now, and never once have I referred to him by his first name.
You don't seem to abide such formalities.
He and I wrote a book together.
Assume for a moment that I know you didn't, and that it's not the topic of the evening.
What is?
The world Mr. Hughes has created is vast, Clifford.
It covers many industries and many endeavors.
There are fiefdoms and factions, traitors and minor rebellions.
You see, Clifford, the men Mr. Hughes uses as his instruments in the world are often themselves the makers of history.
You mean Nixon?
Mr. Hughes wants to know if you included the information sent to you in the galleys of your book.
Howard wants to bury Nixon, doesn't he?
Because his dog isn't doing tricks anymore, on TWA, on the Airwest merger, on anything.
I'm not arrogant enough to speculate on Mr. Hughes' motives, Clifford.
We just want an answer to the question.
I'll just say this.
Nothing stops this book from being published exactly the way I wrote it.
He wants my help?
He has to speak to me directly.
Are you dictating terms to Howard Hughes?
I'm the messenger for Howard Hughes.
Why such a burning commitment to a man you don't know?
But I do know him.
And I deserve to see him.
Presidents have said the same thing to me, Clifford.
I will tell you what I told them.
It's not a matter of getting through a door, Clifford.
There is no door to get through.
Lf, though, Clifford, if there were a door, you would now be hearing the sound of it closing.
Mr. Hughes wants that information in the book, Clifford.
I knew it.
So, I put the dirt in, Howard will let the book go forward, right?
That's the deal.
Do I have any assurances?
Take it on faith, Clifford.
There is a perfect logic to it, as everything Hughes does has.
It makes sense that he would choose Cliff and not someone like Mailer because then it would be Mailer's book.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
There are claims from some corners that Mr. Irving has concocted this book from whole cloth.
Well, for those of us who have read it, we know that only a Shakespeare could have accomplished such a feat, and while Mr. Irving is a fine man, he is no Shakespeare.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Clifford Irving.
Thank you, thank you.
We could change the world with this, Harold.
I want this chapter in the book.
Cliff, we will be sued for libel by the President.
- You'll win. 
You will win. 
I promise you.
- Excuse me. 
Yes?
To put this out unsubstantiated is at best unwise, and at worst unethical.
Wait, wait.
Could you give me a moment, Cliff, please?
- Yeah, sure.
- Thank you.
Ralph, if the President took cash bribes, then we have every...
Harold, I'm sorry to interrupt, but the Zurich District Attorney's office is on the line.
Hang on, Ralph. 
I'll take it.
Yes, this is Harold McGraw.
Something to do with a Swiss bank account.
Who told you that?
Where did you hear that?
This latest puzzle in the case involves a Swiss bank in Zurich where the checks were cashed by H.R. Hughes.
That H.R. Hughes was a mysterious lady named Helga R. Hughes.
The police are looking for her, and the normally silent Swiss bankers are talking about the case.
Mr. Irving, who cashed the checks, sir?
Who opened up the Swiss bank account?
The account holder in Switzerland is a woman named Helga Hughes.
They suspect she forged the endorsements.
This has become sleazy and demeaning.
- I'm a publisher, Shelton.
- You're an employee, Harold.
I don't care what your name is.
We paid for a book and we're going to publish it.
Just roll the goddamn presses.
Why are you calling us about this?
I'm doing this, sir, because I felt the President deserved a warning.
- Anybody else have this information?
- No, of course not.
- Absolutely nobody?
- Absolutely no one.
Where's the book now?
You should receive it by messenger this afternoon.
I'D LIKE TO TEACH THE WORLD TO SING PLAYING
Thank God.
Honey, you okay? 
Are you all right?
- Let me help you with this...
- I am not staying!
What's in the book?
Everything.
Hughes' loans to the President.
The real amounts of the loans.
The shit about Bebe in Florida.
And you're saying the President thinks this is authentic?
- How else could they know?
- We've got to talk to this guy, Fisher.
He's gotta kill the book.
Hughes is just using it to get to the chief.
In fact, the President hit the roof this morning.
He's terrified the book's been leaked to the Democratic National Committee.
Shit.
He thinks they're sipping tea at the Watergate Hotel reading it, right now.
All right, I'll call Hunt and have him send his guys in to see if the DNC has a copy yet.
And prepare something for the President, if this breaks early, if he has to address the nation.
To say what?
Checkers had puppies.
How the fuck should I know?
I was on the plane and I was thinking for a long time.
I was thinking about all of your lies from before.
I guess, maybe, I am not beautiful
- or very sexual enough for you...
- No, honey, no. 
It's not true.
You have made me feel that.
So, I'm leaving.
And I'm giving back all of the money, all of the book money.
Look, you've worked so hard on us, on the book...
Punish me, but don't punish yourself.
You're always so careful when you talk, always so soft like a cushion for what you want.
But I am leaving.
But before I go, I give you something.
You are exhausted from your lies.
So tell the truth.
Tell me the truth about what you did with her this time.
It is your moment to be clean.
I saw her.
When?
Last month.
It was in town, down in the Village.
We were talking about the past, and I...
I was tempted.
I was tempted enough that I...
I went with her, back to her apartment,
and I kissed her.
And...
And something happened. 
I...
Something physically...
I just recoiled and...
I couldn't go through with it.
I couldn't do it.
I just left her standing there and I ran down the stairs.
I know you're making a really big decision.
I know. 
I understand that.
I...
I just want you to know, that's the truth.
That's the truth.
I hate you.
And I love you.
I hate you.
I think I'm coming down with something.
Human relationships are impossible.
Especially with females, Clifford.
We try, of course, to police ourselves, so that they might be happy, believing that their happiness might become our own.
We're intertwined now, son, and I'm glad.
It's for the best.
Hi.
You're broke?
Why don't you ask your friend for another birthday present?
2,400 of our boys...
Twelve years.
Twelve years I have been doing free research for you.
I cover up all your sleazy affairs. 
Why?
Because I thought it was an investment,
I thought there was someone in there.
Jesus Christ!
You paid her. 
You paid that hooker.
I could lose my wife, Cliff.
Always the Cassandra, always bad news.
Cliff, I'm not like you. 
I confessed.
- You need your freedom, Dick.
- What's that? 
Your opinion?
You ruin my life because of your fucking opinion?
I wanted this for you more than for me.
The whole thing. 
I always did.
And we did it, Dick.
Damn it, we did it. 
Look at this.
And look at that.
- I don't care about that.
- It's yours. 
Take it.
- I don't care about that.
- It's all yours. 
Take it. 
It's yours.
- I don't care about that.
- It's all yours. 
Take it. 
It's yours.
What's going on here?
Intertel.
Intertel, sons of bitches.
Motherfuck. 
They came in.
They broke into my house last night.
They were here. 
They abducted me.
They took me in a car, and they flew me to Nassau.
And there, they threatened me.
They beat me up and they chucked me out of a window.
I said, "No, this book goes...
Our book goes forward.
"Nothing is gonna stop it." I was firm. 
Assurances were made.
"This Howard Hughes will not be interfered with."
- This Howard Hughes?
- This Howard Hughes...
Cliff, Clifford Irving.
Intertel kidnapped you and flew you to Nassau?
Yes! 
CIA, ex-CIA henchmen!
Martial arts! 
You were absolutely right.
I was here last night, Cliff.
I came here for lessons on how to lie to my wife, you being an expert in that field.
Jesus Christ, I was outside that fucking window.
I saw you in here.
You were sitting on the floor, drunk out of your head.
You don't believe me.
You, of all people.
Take your fucking money.
Take your money.
- Take your money!
- Oh, fuck you!
Take your fucking money, all the fucking percentage you got!
Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
- Get out, go!
Take your fucking money and get out of here!
Don't throw money at me.
You stay away from me, you son of a fucking... 
Stay away!
No one flew you to Nassau, Cliff.
You're not that important.
One moment, please.
- Sir?
- MAN: 
Yes.
Chester Davis, Howard Hughes' attorney on Line 1.
Okay. 
You're sure?
What time will it be on?
I can't thank you enough, Chester.
The President owes you one.
Of course, I have massive files of photographs and other recorded material tracing my life from an early age.
I have volumes and volumes and rooms full of...
Mr. Hughes, did you cooperate, or do you know...
Congratulations, again.
Thank you.
- Wonderful evening.
- Thank you. 
Thank you very much.
I want to know why the hell we weren't warned about this.
Why weren't we warned? 
Clara!
I have volumes and volumes and rooms full of...
Mr. Hughes, did you cooperate, or do you know a man named Irving, who claims to have taped this biography with you?
Well, this must go down in history.
I only wish I were still in the movie business because I don't remember any scripts as wild or as stretching of the imagination as this yarn has turned out to be.
I take it, sir, you do not know a man named Clifford Irving, then?
No, I never saw him.
I never even heard of him until a matter of days ago when this thing first came to my attention.
It is so fantastic and so utterly beyond the bounds of anyone's imagination...
I mean, it seems to me the motive for Irving could be money.
But McGraw-Hill and Time Life don't have to deal in fake manuscripts.
They surely have a business that operates at a higher plane than that.
There's gotta be a bank record somewhere of this transaction.
So, I just don't have any idea.
There have been reports that you have had dealings with...
He just lied.
... President Nixon's friend Bebe Rebozo, and also dealings with the President himself.
Do you care to comment on those reports?
A warrant was issued today for the arrest of Clifford Irving's wife, Edith.
She is charged with fraud and forgery.
She deposited in a Swiss bank money intended for Howard Hughes, whose autobiography her husband says he wrote.
No, no, no, no!
Edith?
Martin Ackerman, attorney for Clifford Irving, who claims that he compiled the book, reaffirms his conviction that it is authentic.
Ackerman issued that statement after a story in this morning's New York Times, a story reportedly saying Irving may have been duped.
Edith?
Edith?
- Edith?
- Nina!
Is it safe to say this was an intimate relationship?
Yes, the relationship was physical.
And you can confirm that Mr. Irving, in fact, did not meet with Mr. Hughes on the date in question?
He could not have met Howard Hughes in Nassau because he was with me at The Plaza Hotel.
Well, did he confide in you regarding the book?
No. 
I knew nothing about it.
I'm completely flabbergasted by all of this attention and...
What exactly do you do, Miss Van Pallandt?
I'm an actress, and a singer.
Nina.
Always the details that undo us.
Always the details that undo us.
Can I run something by you, George?
Certainly, Clifford.
That's what I'm here for.
This was a really bad year for Howard, wasn't it?
The TWA thing, the Airwest merger unraveling.
He lost control of Nixon, his fixer, too, didn't he?
He needed something.
He needed some leverage to keep him back in line.
A loss could cost Hughes $ 137 million...
So one day he opens his disinfected newspaper, and there we are, us, with our little book.
When your rival is powerful, find an opportunity.
Create a crisis for him.
Hardly had to do anything.
Just a little push.
Then he fed us some dirt.
The shit about Bebe and...
Just to get Nixon's attention, a little more dirt.
The President thinks this is authentic?
How else could they know?
Nixon gets hysterical.
He thinks the book is real.
But instead of taking short-term advantage, save the day for him.
And then Howard makes it good for the President, cashes in his chip,
and we get buried.
I take it, sir, you do not know a man named Clifford Irving, then?
No, I never saw him.
I never even heard of him until...
I'm not angry, George.
I'm disappointed.
You know, I thought that maybe...
I thought we were partners, Howard and I.
Well, you mustn't take it personally, Clifford.
Just as the trees mustn't take it personally when a forest is razed for lumber.
They're part of a grand design.
I played it good for a while, though, didn't I?
You were tremendous, Clifford.
Mr. Hughes commented on that.
Really?
Would I lie to you?
Howard Hughes has spoken publicly.
And he has told us that we may hear more from him soon.
All right, thank you. 
Thank you.
Good night, from NBC News.
YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT PLAYING
Sir, do you have any comment?
I'll cooperate in exchange for leniency for Dick, and especially for Edith.
Mr. Irving received a sentence of two and a half years' imprisonment,
Mr. Suskind, six months' imprisonment.
In addition, they will pay full restitution to McGraw-Hill and the Internal Revenue Service, totaling $ 1.3 million.
Mrs. Irving received a suspended sentence, but we have no control over what the Swiss authorities decide to do.
Are you happy with the outcome, Mr. Newman?
I'm not sure you're ever ecstatic when a bargain is reached but...
In a surprise reversal, the Nixon Justice Department today approved the acquisition of Airwest airlines by Howard Hughes' Tool Co.
This on the heels of last week's Supreme Court decision to dismiss the TWA shareholders' lawsuit, rescuing Mr. Hughes from paying $ 137 million made it a very good week for the eccentric billionaire.
In other news today, five men were arrested breaking into the Democratic National Committee headquarters located in the Watergate Hotel.
Yeah, that's them.
Don't choke on the dust.

(SIRENS WAILING )
(PEOPLE CHATTERING )
ANDREA: 
Dana?
Dana, can you hear me?
ANDREA: 
Just follow the instructions.
Is that so difficult?
No, no, "N"!
WOMAN: 
Harold.
MAN: 
It's very becoming. 
I like that.
MAN: 
Guys, there's nothing I can do, all right?
The meeting's gonna be canceled.
The building's being evacuated.
Top four floors are closed off.
I don't know what's going on.
ANDREA: 
It doesn't matter.
Nobody's supposed to be there.
Just follow the instructions.
Is that so difficult?
Clifford, it's 2:37 and my interns are stranded.
- Where the fuck is he?
- He's coming.
- He's coming?
- He's coming.
MAN ON RADIO:
I think we got something.
Oh, my God. 
Is that him?
South side of the building.
Do you see it?
- That's him! 
He's here!
- Oh, my God!
He's landing! 
Clear the roof!
- BRAD: 
Get your things. 
Go! 
Come on!
- Quickly.
He keeps his promises.
Fake.
- Fake.
- Yes.
Malika, Clifford is the man who wrote Fake.
An excellent book about the guy, artist...
I'm blanking... 
Who was it?
- Art forger.
- The art forger.
- Exactly. 
Elmyr de Hory was his name.
- Okay.
He forged Picassos, Matisses, Modiglianis...
The whole theory of forgery as art.
What is art?
Very subversive kind of act.
The book sold poorly.
- Well, it could've done better.
- Let's not talk about that today.
Regardless. 
The new one. 
Fiction.
- Yes.
- Rudnick's Problem.
I like it. 
You're right.
- I like it. 
Malika liked it, too.
- MALIKA: 
Yeah.
Yes, I did. 
I loved it. 
It was stunning.
It scared the hell out of me, actually, to tell you the truth.
- It's an angry book.
- ALBERT: 
But funny!
I mean, I read it, I thought it was hilarious.
It wasn't angry to me.
It was nice to me. 
It made me laugh.
But anger's important. 
We need anger.
Which I think will help us in Germany.
Regardless, marry us and have our children?
(ALL LAUGHING )
Brad Silber at Life is reading it right now for serialization rights.
Great.
Harold McGraw himself is reading it this weekend.
- You're kidding.
- That's just a formality.
You have waited, Cliff.
You've watched as less talented writers have bypassed you.
But now, justice at last.
They're going to push this one hard.
They're going to bet the bank.
- Is that a promise?
- You can set your watch by it.
Andrea, I don't have a watch.
Then buy one.
Trust me, you can afford it.
(HERE CO MES THE SUN PLAYING )
CLIFFORD:
Calls unreturned, they don't read you for six months, they're indifferent.
Then overnight... 
God.
Dick, can you hear me?
Dick! 
Here, try these. 
They're bigger.
No, they're fine.
We're doing a vacation, a gentleman's celebration kind of thing.
You got harpoons?
The ones that shoot?
- Yeah, most of them shoot.
- Good.
He looks like a sausage.
All right, I'll take the whole outfit.
Set me up as a regular account.
I prefer monthly payments.
You're a prick, Robert, you are such a prick. 
You played me like a harp.
Whitewalls, leather...
Is this guy a salesman?
Now, when my accountant comes by with the check, should he talk to you directly?
He should speak to me directly, yeah, with the check, yeah.
Call the police, there's a beautiful woman in front of my house!
(SCREAMING WITH JO Y)
CLIFFORD:
What's the matter, pear?
You haven't seen a bestselling author before?
- Oh, Cliff.
- Yes.
You didn't think I was going to do it, did you?
Stop, Cliff, stop.
Look, they're taking the sofa.
Oh, I love that sofa.
Hey, guys. 
How are you doing?
Hey, guys. 
How are you doing?
Ah, fuck the sofa.
- Close your eyes. 
Close, close.
- What?
- Okay.
- Oh, Cliff.
Cliff!
There, perfect.
You are a beautiful man.
I am sure you would desert me.
No, will desert you, the tense is future active.
Don't correct the grammar of it.
You are not this perfect person.
Honey, it's finished.
I told you it was finished.
It's finished with her.
- Good night.
- Cliff...
- Keys to my new car.
- Yeah, got it. 
Bye, honey.
Have fun.
(SWING MUSIC PLAYING )
(PEOPLE CHATTERING )
CLIFFORD: 
Andrea!
Andrea! 
Hi, isn't this amazing?
Isn't this wild?
- Can I talk to you a second?
- Let's talk on Monday, Cliff.
No, just for a second.
It's really important. 
I'd like to...
Look, 30,000 copies is not gonna do it.
A short run like that, it sends out a message, and it's not a good one.
- We're not publishing the book.
- Exactly, exactly.
With 30,000 copies, it's like we're not really publishing the book...
Brad Silber at Life magazine hated it.
He called it,
"A third-rate Philip Roth knock-off." And he told Harold. 
And it was awful.
It just rolled like a snowball.
(SIGHS )
I wanted to tell you on Monday.
I'm sorry.
Fine, we'll do The New Yorker.
The New Yorker's better anyway...
You're not listening to me, Cliff.
McGraw-Hill is not publishing your book.
Book, gone. 
The bomb has dropped.
It's over.
Andrea, you said that this was a formality.
Well, apparently, I was mistaken.
Look, if you have other ideas, my door is always open to you.
REPORTER:
The enemy, very deceitfully, has taken advantage of the troops...
They are potatoes, all of them.
Potato people.
And you are a brilliant, strong man who will have all his dreams.
All of them.
(TV CHA TTERIN G)
( AIRPLANE WHIRRIN G)
DICK: 
You know what I'm getting for dinner? 
Swordfish steak.
It sounds good. 
Sounds enticing.
Oh, come on, Cliff. 
Forget it, forget it.
(SIGHING )
All right. 
Enough, enough.
I want to talk about my friend.
Tell me about the children's book you're working on.
Oh, Richard the Lionhearted.
That's going okay.
I should be done by the end of the year.
You know, it's a great subject.
War, sodomy.
I mean, the war part's great.
Kids love war.
But what do you do with the sodomy?
You know?
You see, I want it to be historically accurate.
And you will make it so because you are a superb researcher, and a fine writer.
Thank you.
CLIFFORD:
Bumped by this adolescent coffee boy.
My lit professor at Cornell compared me to Hemingway.
The middle of my life is at hand.
I don't have a couch.
Think about this.
Henry Miller was 38 years old, unpublished.
His wife left him for a lesbian.
You're kind to tell me that, Dick.
You're a very good man.
You're a good friend.
- Need a loan?
- Always.
- No, no. 
I was kidding, Cliff.
- You got a pen, kid?
I was kidding.
Your house is going into foreclosure.
- I'm post-dating it.
- Stop that. 
Stop being the hero.
- Go to bed.
- I got it, I got it. 
Walk away. 
Go.
- I got it.
- All right.
- Go to bed.
- I will.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING )
MAN: 
Everyone's being relocated to another hotel.
Please stay calm and follow me.
- Excuse me. 
Can you...
- MAN: 
Follow me, please!
WOMAN: 
Somebody told me that Howard Hughes is moving into this hotel.
What is this? 
What's going on?
It's an executive decision to close the facility for the weekend, sir.
- You're being relocated.
- Executive decision?
Howard Hughes wants the pool to himself, so he's kicking everyone out at 1:00 a.m.?
I don't know about that, sir.
That's power.
(WHISPERING ) It's a friendship between Tom Mix and Pancho Villa.
(PHONE RINGING )
Revolution, Mexican revolution.
Men were men.
- Friendship and...
- Mr. Clifford?
Andrea's running late, so she said that we should just go ahead and start the meeting without her.
"Mr. Clifford"? 
Wait a minute.
I'm meeting with you?
(SIGHS )
Oh, no. 
Excuse me.
Mr. Clifford... (KNOCKING )
Excuse me!
Hello, I'm sorry, everybody. 
Andrea...
I'm sorry. 
I did tell him, but...
ANDREA: 
Cliff, I'm in the middle of a conference meeting.
ANDREA: 
Cliff, I'm in the middle of a conference meeting.
Andrea, our personal history demands that I bring this to you first.
Bring what?
I'm working on the most important book of the 20th century.
It's unprecedented.
I'm gonna discuss it tomorrow.
I'm gonna present the details about it tomorrow.
- Okay.
- Morning, 9:00 a.m.
- Thank you.
- At Nathan's Bowling Alley in Queens.
- Did I ever take you there before?
- Sir?
Okay, yeah, I'm going, I'm going.
You'd better be sure, Andrea, that I don't have anything, 'cause Simon and Schuster is coming.
"Of the century"? 
Couldn't you have just said "of the decade"?
CLIFFORD: 
All right, all right.
- And why a bowling alley?
- Please, make a contribution here.
Just open your mind.
The first thing that comes to your mind.
- Potato famine.
- Too Irish.
- A history of agriculture.
- Oh, that's a bestseller.
- Shedding new light on World War I. 
- What's the new light?
Write about Picasso.
Everyone loves Picasso.
- CLIFFORD: 
I don't.
- Charlemagne?
- CLIFFORD: 
Too French.
- History of the Vatican.
- CLIFFORD: 
I'm dying.
- Give me a clue here.
- I'm being self-destructive.
- I gotta call Barbara.
I'm burning bridges, Edith.
They never appreciated you there.
I need lunch.
I'm having a breakdown.
- My gallery show's in three weeks.
- I know.
I don't have time for the drama now, darling.
(SIGHS )
Shit.
(HERE CO MES THE SUN PLAYING )
Dick!
MAN: 
Size 7.
How?
No one knows where he is.
I show up, I've seen him.
I've seen the snowman.
I send him my de Hory book.
He reads it.
It's a positive portrayal of a very complex man.
Oh, my God, I get a response.
Correspondence. 
Sparks fly.
Personal connection.
We become best of friends.
What do you think?
- What is it? 
What's the book?
- Wait, wait.
Where's Simon and Schuster, Tolstoy?
CLIFFORD: 
This is the key to it.
Have a strong, continuous line, keep the pen on the paper.
Just like that.
CLIFFORD:
All these articles say the same thing.
Hughes runs a billion-dollar network of companies, but he only communicates with handwritten memos.
He doesn't even talk to his top guys.
There's no direct contact anywhere.
That's why it's gonna work.
Fine. 
Tell me my dick grew five inches last night.
I'll still use a ruler.
(CLIFFORD CHATTERING )
Howard Hughes?
Howard Hughes, the billionaire?
His exclusive, authorized autobiography.
He wants Cliff to write it with him.
And they want us to publish it.
Handwriting analysis? 
Right away.
Can we bring it over right now?
"It would not suit me to die without having stated the truth about my life."
"My life."
"I therefore authorize Clifford Irving to act as intermediary
"as to any arrangements regarding the publishing of my memoir."
ANDREA: "It would not suit me to die
"without having certain misconceptions cleared up
"and without having stated the truth about my life."
So, taking you at your word...
Yeah.
How does Mr. Hughes propose we proceed?
I... (CHUCKLING )
Look, this is all very strange.
I'm just getting the lay of the land here myself.
But what...
What I can gather so far is that he refuses to go outdoors.
He will only initiate, never accept, phone calls.
Those two particular rumors seem to be true.
But he did say that he would provide handwritten contracts for legal purposes.
And... 
Whatever questions you...
You know, you give them to me,
I'll pass them on when he makes contact with me.
But beyond that, I don't know what to say, really.
Why you, Cliff?
He could have any writer in the world do this for him.
Albert, I have absolutely no idea.
This is the strangest thing that has ever happened to me.
Best guess, he likes me.
So, the matching against the reprinted letters from Newsweek magazine,
Osborn Associates' preliminary opinion is that the handwriting samples are genuine.
- Okay, well, all right...
- Excuse me one second.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah?
(WHISPERING )
- ANDREA: 
Clifford?
- Yeah?
Did you and Howard discuss how much you both wanted?
Because we would like to make you an offer today.
We did. 
We did. 
We...
We did discuss it.
(UP ARO UND THE BEND PLAYING )
(UP ARO UND THE BEND PLAYING )
- DICK: 
Can I weigh in here?
- No.
A man walks in, he says something completely implausible, and for that exact reason, he is believed.
No, it's an Aquarian phenomenon.
- Very, very spiritual.
- Lawyers are not spiritual.
Presumably, this is gonna make news.
Howard Hughes hasn't spoken to the press in 15 years.
What are you so nervous about?
- You can't think, Dick. 
No thinking.
- All I'm saying is, once this gets out, what's gonna stop this guy from suing our asses off?
Three words. 
TWA shareholder lawsuit.
Howard has a judgment of 137 million bucks waiting to hit him if he walks into any courtroom.
So the book comes out, it doesn't matter. 
He can't sue.
He can still say it's a fake.
He doesn't say anything about anything. 
This guy...
He uses ripped-up Kleenex boxes for slippers and he drinks his own piss.
- He's psychotic.
- DICK: 
Have you heard of Intertel?
He has his own private CIA.
Ruthless advisors.
His advisors don't know anything about the book because he's too paranoid to tell them.
And he'll never come out of hiding long enough to denounce me because he's a lunatic hermit.
And I am the spokesperson for the lunatic hermit.
So the more outrageous I sound, the more convincing I am.
Do you believe this, the perfection?
- They offered half a million.
- Half a million dollars?
Four-hundred grand for Howard and a hundred grand for us!
Oh, I thought you meant just a half a million for us.
Schmuck, it's all for us.
There is no Howard Hughes.
- Dick, are you paying attention to me?
- Yeah.
The problem is this.
It's an oral agreement.
Their lawyers are gonna jump all over this, which is why we have to leave right now.
We gotta become experts on this man's life.
And if we find dirt and it rings true, the top guys will shove this deal right down the lawyers' throats.
Cliff, no visits with special friends, right?
I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize what we've rebuilt, okay?
You just said to warn you when you get excited.
- You seem excited.
- Well...
I love you.
I love you.
(PROTESTERS CLAMORING )
DICK: (WHISPERING ) Cliff, Howard Hughes' testimony at the Senate committee hearings in 1947.
It's got his speech patterns, his syntax, everything. 
It's perfect.
Take a picture.
You can't photograph a government document, it's a felony.
You gonna memorize it?
Take a picture. 
Take a picture.
I'm a researcher, Cliff.
I am not a jewel thief.
You own 25 percent of this book.
You want it to be good?
You take a picture.
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING )
DICK: 
You know, I've always had a dangerous side.
Barbara has often remarked on it.
But to take down the Library of Congress. 
God, the adrenaline.
You took a nice picture of your leg here.
- Or is that your ankle? 
I can't tell.
- Where?
Right there.
- It's my ankle.
- It's all out of focus anyway.
- Jesus.
- Want another drink?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, me, too.
Oh, fuck.
Harold, this book will sell more copies than the Bible.
And our competitors will kill to get it, and if they can't get it, they will do anything they can to destroy it.
I say we sign this contract immediately, and institute absolute, total secrecy.
Total. 
Not even wives can know.
Within reason.
From now on, we refer to Hughes as "Octavio."
The book is called "Project Octavio."
HAROLD:
Get Ralph Graves on the phone.
That's the code name.
I want our journalist friends to weigh in on this before I sign Mr. Hughes' piece of paper.
Look at all this security personnel.
This is a secure facility.
We need the information in portable form.
Just look comfortable, be buoyant.
Hell, they can let anybody in here.
- What if I'm a Russian?
- Be a buoyant Russian.
Records? 
What for?
You don't know what the hell's going on with your own company?
Well, to be honest with you, Sergeant, no, actually, we don't.
Mr. Hughes doesn't like to share information.
It's very frustrating for us.
You want frustration?
You want frustration?
Call Hughes Aircraft and try to find out when your plane's gonna be ready.
I've seen decorated individuals sobbing like six-year-old girls after dealing with you people.
Could my associate use your facilities, Sergeant?
Could he?
- Thank you for that.
- To your left.
I'll level with you.
We've had some problems.
Everyone has told us stories about delays.
Well, I can't get anybody on the phone, for one thing.
- I had no idea it was this serious.
- It's very serious.
- Frustrating.
- Can you go into any more detail?
Well, the only details I can tell you is that I've been on the phone three times today to one girl, who doesn't know what she's talking about, can't tell me when I'm gonna get my airplanes.
Which office were you talking to?
Do you mind if I write something down?
- Sure.
- This was the complaint department?
- No, acquisitions.
- Acquisitions?
Acquisitions, as far as I know.
My people been dealing with her, or somebody down there, for the last three months, trying to get two aircrafts.
This is an outrage.
An outrage, the military should be treated that way.
DICK: 
No. 
No. 
I'm not doing it.
Hi.
Thank you.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
- Hey, Dick. 
You all right?
- Yeah.
Okay. 
Keep moving, keep moving.
- Just fine, just fine.
- It's palpitations.
It's okay. 
A little bit more, a little bit more. 
Keep moving.
Sit down here. 
That's good.
You all right?
You're fine. 
You're fine.
Fight or flight. 
It's an animal thing.
It's like you're being chased by a cheetah or something.
Okay, okay. 
I'll be fine.
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.
Look, Noah Dietrich, on the right.
Howard Hughes' right-hand man for over 30 years.
Retired to Vegas.
The other guy, I don't know.
Vegas?
You know, my guess is this guy, Dietrich, is going to be really cagey.
CLIFFORD: 
Information?
Las Vegas, Nevada, please.
(PHONE RINGING )
NO AH: 
Hello?
CLIFFORD: 
Mr. Dietrich?
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I'm sorry to bother you at home.
My name is Clifford Irving and I'm writing a book about the history of aviation.
I'd be really grateful if you'd share some of your expertise with me.
Oh, great. 
Come on over.
(CUPS RATTLING )
You like geranium tea?
It helps your bowels. 
Follow me.
Watch your step.
- Hey, you're a writer.
- Yes, I am.
I should show you something.
This is an account of my years at Tool Co.
You know Tool Co.?
Howard Hughes' company.
Has anyone seen this?
Nobody's seen it. 
It's sensitive.
Listen, I'll come right to the point.
I'll give you $500 to clean up the grammar, 'cause I'm bad with spelling.
Yeah, well, I'd have to read it first.
When can I get it back to you?
No, no, no, I can't let it out of the house.
Why don't you read it right now, sitting here?
- Now?
- Now.
(CHUCKLING )
Right here? 
Okay.
- NOAH: 
Take your time. 
See you later.
- Thank you.
(WHISPERING ) You know what this is?
Do you understand what this means?
- This is exactly... 
It's gold.
- It's perfect.
We have to find a way to get it out of the house.
Copy, we need a copy.
Okay, get up. 
Stand in front of me.
Come over here.
- NOAH: 
It's great in the water!
- Keep smiling. 
What's he doing?
- Oh, yeah.
- CLIFFORD: 
Tell me if he can see it.
Grab it.
Tell your friend to come in.
The water's beautiful.
Copy that and get back here, right away.
(COPIER WHIRRING )
Thank you!
Sit down, sit down. 
Thank you.
All right? 
Are you ready?
(EXHALES )
All right. 
I'm done.
Sir, honesty is my policy.
This is atrocious. 
It's not publishable.
It's run-on sentences, it's mangled verbiage...
I'm very sorry.
You benefit and I benefit from honesty.
God bless.
This is badly spelled gossip from someone absolutely in the know.
This is perfect. 
Perfect! 
Oh, my...
CLIFFORD: 
You know what we should do? 
Let's give Andrea some good news.
(MAN CHA TTERIN G ON RADIO )
DICK: 
This is amazing.
Everybody hates Howard Hughes.
They call him cheap, everything else.
But, you know, they're in his thrall.
They can't stop talking about him.
He's Howard Hughes.
Who the fuck are they?
DICK: 
Listen. "He rarely took vacations.
"But when he did, he usually booked a remote hotel
"But when he did, he usually booked a remote hotel
"in the Juchitán mountains called the Salina Cruz."
- Remote. 
R-E-M-O-A-T. 
Vacation...
- I'm going for a walk.
- I'll be back in a little bit.
- Okay.
CLIFFORD: 
What is it?
Look, you told me not to call you ever again, so I didn't.
- I say a lot of stupid things, you know?
- Yeah.
It was funny seeing you the other night.
I would have given anything to get this call a year ago.
- It's too late. 
I...
- Clifford...
- You ran out of time. 
Sorry.
- Clifford, wait. 
I need to see you.
Bye.
(LO UN GE MUSIC PLA YIN G)
(SLOT MACHINE CRANKING )
DICK: 
Cliff, listen to this.
This is from the Dietrich manuscript.
There's a full transcription here of a conversation between Howard Hughes and Frank McCullough from Time magazine.
They mention Intertel, the Mormon guy, George Gordon Holmes.
- It's fantastic.
- Stop, listen to me.
- Nina called from New York last night.
- Oh, here we go.
Dick, it took me a year to make things right with Edith.
- Keep an eye on me, will you?
- Keep an eye?
It's my second profession.
- Here you are.
- Thanks.
Cliff...
I've been talking to Barbara, and she's found some kind of publishing contract.
And I was wondering if maybe we could talk about, you know, some kind of credit deal, or just some more money for me.
You're not happy with what we talked about?
- No, no, no, it's not that.
- What? 
What is it?
Well, it's just like...
I sort of feel that, you know... (PHONE RINGING )
Don't answer that! 
Don't...
Hello, darling. 
It's Ms. Tate calling.
We have a bit of a problem.
- Andrea thinks it's just me...
- Hello! 
Hi, Andrea, this...
- Who is this?
- You can't say her name.
- This is Dick.
- No, no, don't give your name.
Dick Suskind.
Dick, how do you know my name?
- Don't tell her!
- Cliff mentioned you.
What are you doing out there with Clifford?
(STUTTERING )
- I am the...
- Co-coordinator of...
- I'm the coauthor of Project Octavio.
- ANDREA: 
Excuse me?
- Is Cliff there?
- DICK: 
Yes, certainly. 
He's right here.
- Put him on the phone, please.
- I didn't know what else to say.
- I heard you talking...
- I know what you're doing.
- I know what you're doing.
- What?
I know what you're doing.
Hi, Andrea.
Who the hell was that, Clifford?
That is my associate.
I was intending to talk to you about him.
He's working with me on this.
All right. 
You need to be in New York at 9:00 on Monday morning.
You're meeting with Ralph Graves.
He's the editor-in-chief of Life magazine.
Yeah, I know who he is.
You need to go over all your contacts with Octavio.
Life knows a lot about him, so get your memory clear and be specific.
I don't want to lose the deal over their knee-jerk suspicions.
What do you... 
Wait, wait, wait.
What do you mean, "lose the deal"?
What suspicions?
Just tell them the truth.
(PROTESTERS CLAMORING )
He gave me a prune.
He gave me a prune.
Visualize the Mediterranean or something.
You're sweating like an animal.
You know, it's pretty nervy of these publishers to put us through this inquisition.
Well, you can't sit it out now.
You're a coauthor.
History.
Quite a responsibility.
The second handwriting analysis told us your letters from Mr. Hughes are authentic.
ANDREA: 100 percent.
RALPH: 
No surprise there.
Experts want to provide their employers with good news.
He gave me a prune.
What?
(STAMMERING )
Right... 
In a bag.
He gave me a prune. 
Howard Hughes.
Dick is jumping forward a little bit.
It was a memorable moment for him.
- Anyway, Ralph, how can we help?
- You know, no one likes to be accused.
I really don't think anyone's making accusations here, Dick.
Are we going to stand around all day looking at photographs?
We came here to talk about Howard Hughes. 
Let's talk about him.
He gave me a prune.
Howard Hughes gave me a prune on the beach at Nassau.
I thought you met Hughes the first time in Mexico.
Ralph, what happened was this.
I got a phone call.
Really, out of the blue.
From a man named George Gordon Holmes.
Longtime associate of Howard Hughes.
He says he wants us to fly down to Mexico City, wait for a call, so we go ahead and do this.
We fly down there, we check into this fleabag hotel.
Eighteen hours we wait, no air conditioning, sand crabs in the bathtub, I say, "The hell with him,"
when we spot an envelope, shoved under the door.
DICK: 
He rarely went on vacation, but when he did, he usually booked into a remote hotel
- in the mountains of Juchitán.
- CLIFFORD: 
It says,
- in the mountains of Juchitán.
- CLIFFORD: 
It says,
"There's a pilot waiting to take you to Juchitán."
So it's 6:00 a.m., we're flying low over the mountains, and I'm nervous.
But he's got a touch, this bush pilot.
He brings it right down onto a gray pebble landing strip.
Just as it comes down, I see out of the corner of my eye, there's a jeep that's coming down from the mountains.
Mexican military?
No.
It's Holmes.
- Mr. Irving?
- Yes, that's right. 
Mr. Holmes?
- Who is this?
- Dick Suskind, sir.
So, he's a little surprised to see Dick, but I explained that Dick was my researcher and friend, and that's why he was there and I couldn't do without him.
We get in the jeep, and he takes us on this endless ride, up through the mountains.
We circled around the top of this hill and we got to the hotel, which was called
Salina Cruz.
Holmes motions for us to follow.
It's quiet.
There's a room way in the back, like a hut.
Doesn't even have a view of the ocean.
We can barely see.
There's a little slip of a man on a bed, sitting like a monk.
Howard Hughes.
Howard Hughes.
Howard Hughes is sitting right there.
My heart...
And then he was reaching out through the mosquito netting, and he offered Dick a...
A prune.
A prune.
Dick takes the prune,
eats the prune...
Not bad.
(PEOPLE LAUGHIN G)
And he started talking about the extraordinary value of Mexican soil, organic farming, organic food, et cetera, et cetera.
The two of them started jabbering like old friends.
We ended up talking a little bit about business, then Dick and I went home.
- I'm a little hungry.
- Let's eat.
(CLIFFORD LAUGHS )
ANDREA: 
Ralph, will you pick something fabulous?
The Latour please, '61.
- That'll get us started. 
Thank you.
- Oh, yes.
And some beluga, shall we, gentlemen?
MAN: 
Sounds good.
You know, Howard Hughes doesn't like caviar.
Really?
Really. 
In fact, he made a special point of saying so.
I remember that. 
I...
It was such a non sequitur.
It was a strange thing.
It was just after Clifford finished talking about the...
- The crash.
- That's right. 
The crash.
The one in Beverly Hills.
He nearly hit the top of that house, parked it right on top of the house, hurt his back, but he walked away from it.
And he said that people in Beverly Hills eat caviar, and he doesn't like it and then he crashed his plane.
RALPH: 
Okay, then let's make it two beluga appetizers, please.
- Three maybe.
- Three, yeah. 
Make it three.
- Andrea, yeah?
- Thank you. 
Okay. 
Good.
Did you get any sense of his business acumen?
Go ahead.
(STUTTERING ) It's interesting. 
He said that...
Very interesting. 
He said that people often think of business as business, which of course it is, but also...
Within business, there is also pleasure.
You know, business is pleasure.
Pleasure can be a business.
Business has pleasure.
It's both. 
It's both at the same time.
I didn't really understand it, but after a while it sunk in, and I realized, you know, that's his genius.
This is your check for writing services.
The second check for Mr. Hughes, or, Octavio, sorry...
It's gonna take a little longer to process.
I understand you're authorized to receive Mr. Hughes' payment?
Yeah, I am, I am, thank you.
But don't take too long, all right?
Life magazine is prepared to offer $250,000 for worldwide exclusive rights to serialize the Howard Hughes story.
That's a record, Harold.
I'm wondering if it's enough of a record, Ralph.
(DOWN ON THE CORNER PLAYING )
DICK: 
Oh, jeez.
CLIFFORD: 
The money makes this real.
(MAN CHA TTERIN G ON RADIO )
You can still back out, but you gotta tell me now.
- Back out?
- Yeah.
Fuck, no!
We're the goddamn Musketeers.
Good. 
That's good.
Don't spend any money, though.
Better we keep it for later, in case we need it.
Absolutely.
REPORTER: 
In other news, the Supreme Court has agreed to hear the TWA shareholders' case against reclusive billionaire Howard Hughes.
A loss could cost Hughes $ 137,000,000 and devastate his financial empire.
The Nixon Justice Department has thus far refused...
CLIFFORD: 
We gotta reach big.
We'll go for texture, gritty details, we need blood, we need money, we need real juicy, Shakespearean, big stuff...
You want to critique a sitting president who's also a war criminal?
- No, no, no.
- You can do anything you want.
You can impact culture with something like this.
"Lmpact culture." I want to make some money and not get caught.
You know, we've got to make this plausible.
Dick, I handed them three yellow letters.
They gave me $500,000.
Is that plausible?
I don't think so.
(BOTH LAUGHING )
- You want to get a drink?
- Okay.
I'm gonna change my shirt.
I'll be right out.
- I'm heading home.
- You go. 
I'm sticking for a while.
- See you, Tom.
- Good night.
- Tommy, can I use your phone?
- Yeah, sure, go right ahead.
NINA:
I saw Elmyr a few months ago in Ibiza.
So, how is our old friend Elmyr?
Well, I was having dinner with friends, and he was at the bar, sitting all alone, drinking.
He came up to me and he said,
"I have always found your affair with Clifford to be common and immoral."
And he stormed out.
(LAUGHING )
You're lying. 
Elmyr didn't say that.
Oh, I'm the liar?
Oh, I'm the liar?
And who's writing a fake book about the most famous man in the world?
Gotta get back.
No! 
No, the clock is broken. 
You stay.
Just to confirm, he's still rich and you're still not gonna leave him.
Oh, I want to, Cliff, I want to.
But, no, I'm not going to.
I'm shallow, Cliff.
My greatest desire is to be an American movie star.
- How shallow is that?
- Pretty shallow.
And besides, why does it bother you so much that I'm your mistress?
Brecht, Hemingway, they all had mistresses.
The lying gives me a headache, if you want to know the truth.
Oh, I forgot. 
You're a devoted husband.
I think I forgot while you were screwing me.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I know I should have not called you.
I'm not gonna go through this whole thing again.
I can't do it to her. 
I can't.
NINA: 
I'll see you next time?
(GROANS )
DICK: 
Oh, Dick, Nina!
There's no future with her.
- She weakens me.
- Okay, all right. 
That's very helpful.
Edith is stability, Dick. 
She's my rock.
Give me a break, will you, please?
Did you tell Nina about the book?
Are you out of your fucking mind?
I've got the "I'm an asshole" part down pretty good.
It's the "What do I do now?" part I need help with.
Please? 
Be my friend?
- Are you my friend?
- Yeah, I'm your friend.
I don't know what I'm gonna do if she asks me where I went.
Come clean.
She'll leave me, for good.
It's the best I got.
What else can I tell you?
You wanna hear this?
Yeah.
All right, this is the Senate hearings, 1947.
HUGHES: 
I'm not even sure that's a correct statement, but the fact remains that if I made 15 million dollars,
I made it selling oil well tools and beer,
Grand Prize beer, to people down in Texas.
"Beer down in Texas."
(LAUGHING )
And I don't think the public should be led to believe...
"Led to believe."
... on war contracts while I did not.
Now, furthermore...
"Now, furthermore..."
- "Furthermore, Senator..." - "Furthermore..."
... a little money somewhere.
How could I put nine million dollars... (IMITATING HUGHES ) A little pocket change worth five million dollars in my pocket.
(LAUGHING )
DICK: 
Mr. Hughes, where would you like to begin?
- Family, friends, father...
- Yeah.
My father. 
We'll do father.
(IMITATING HUGHES ) People called my father Big Howard.
(CHUCKLES )
Big Howard...
Big Howard made his money leasing drilling bits in the oil business.
He said to me... 
He said, "Sonny..."
"Sonny, these drill bits are your bread and butter.
"Don't ever let 'em go."
Big Howard died when I was 18.
His bunch of Texas roughneck friends tried to sell his company.
Pushed me out of the picture.
I don't like being pushed.
Now, when two parties negotiate, you got a lion and a donkey.
One party, through bluster or leverage, claims control of the situation right away. 
That's the lion.
At 18,
I sued these men trying to sell my father's company.
I sued them, I attacked them, I blackmailed them,
I pushed every which way I could!
I learned to be a lion.
Jesus, Cliff.
- Read the women's rags lately?
- Hi.
Excerpts from Howard Hughes' autobiography in Ladies Home Journal from the book by Robert Eaton.
Life's lawyers are gnawing the flesh from my bones.
Would you like to tell me, Clifford, what the fuck is going on here?
Would you like to tell me, Clifford, what the fuck is going on here?
I don't know anything about this.
This goddamn Eaton supposedly has memos, the same handwritten memos that you've got, so...
Either you're selling this twice and using Robert Eaton as a pen name...
I won't even dignify that with a response.
Or, more likely, your demigod lunatic friend is using two writers.
You get it?
All the sharks at my company have is you, which means they will sue your skinny ass for every cent of the advance, plus damages, for making false representations...
No, I made no false representations!
...about an exclusive book you said you could deliver.
DICK: 
So she said that they said that they would sue us both?
- Yeah.
- Both of us?
- I mean, she mentioned me by name?
- Yes.
Can you believe this son of a bitch had the same idea?
But I spent the money.
I told you we might have to give it back!
Jeez, Dick.
Well, it wasn't exactly a huge percentage to begin with.
Look, just pay the money.
Tell them that Hughes has changed his mind.
- And I'll owe you the difference.
- I can't. 
I'm down most of it myself.
Yeah, well, borrow it.
This isn't a prank anymore, Cliff.
If they go to the press with this, we're gonna have Howard fucking Hughes chasing us.
And Intertel.
Remember, they'll stab us with sodium pentothal?
They'll kill us or tie us up or something.
Howard won't be coming after us.
His advisors maybe, but he won't.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
- What, he tell you that over breakfast?
- Yeah.
And what about this other book?
What if that's the real thing, huh?
You thought about that?
All right, the question is, what would Howard do in a situation like this?
I don't know. 
Buy a fucking airline.
Diversion, end run, surprise.
Who are you now? 
General Patton?
HUGHES: 
Viruses and bacteria are the most powerful enemies...
Luce.
... the human body has got.
You look at the fingernail clippings...
Henry Luce.
Dick, I think you should take a little holiday.
CLIFFORD: 
You got everything?
You got your passport?
- You got the letter? 
Okay, great.
- Yeah, I'm fine...
You're gonna be fine. 
Bye.
( ONLY YO U KNOW AND I KNOW PLAYING )
(CAR HONKING )
- Hello, this is Andrea.
- Yeah, Andrea, it's Cliff.
Yeah, one more thing, Shelton Fisher needs to be at the meeting.
ANDREA: 
Do you know who he is?
CLIFFORD:
Chairman of McGraw-Hill, yes.
- Has to be at the meeting.
- All right, I'll see what I can do.
It's not me. 
It's him.
No negotiation. 
No Fisher, no meeting.
Mr. Irving, it would appear that either you or your illustrious sponsor is jerking someone's chain.
Let me assure you that chain will not be connected to Life magazine.
So, why don't you begin by telling us who Robert Eaton is and why he's selling the book you're supposed to be writing?
Shelton, have you received your mail today?
Excuse me?
Ralph, I was talking to Shelton.
As a side comment, watch your tone with me.
I've been up for two nights negotiating with a very stubborn billionaire, and my quota for verbal abuse has been reached.
Could you get the mail, please?
Life magazine has been known to have a slight impact on writers' careers, my friend.
And we...
We are not afraid of civil litigation.
That's the tone, right there.
You got that? 
Watch it.
Is that it?
All right, Shelton, while you're reading this, assuming that Howard wrote what he told me he was gonna write,
I will give a summary to the group here.
Howard doesn't know who Eaton is.
The book is a fake.
But that doesn't really matter now because when he found out that McGraw-Hill sold the serialization rights to Life magazine without his authorization, he became...
What's the word? 
Apoplectic.
You got a problem, Ralph.
Your magazine is owned by Henry Luce.
HAROLD:
What's the matter with Henry Luce?
CLIFFORD: 
According to Howard?
Well, Luce is in bed with Juan Trippe at Pan Am.
He's a goddamn socialist and he's a lousy golfer.
It's just... 
It's a rant.
It's basically a three-page rant about what a bastard Luce is.
That's Howard's words, it's not mine.
I don't have a problem with Luce at all.
And the postmark is Nassau.
That is completely irrelevant.
And we are talking about a business agreement that will hold up in a court of law.
We had a business agreement.
Not anymore.
I pleaded with him to reconsider, but I was unsuccessful, so...
Per Howard's instructions, I am returning his $ 100,000 advance check to you.
(LAUGHS )
Now, if you want to, you can chase us around in court.
Meanwhile, we're gonna look for another publisher.
Wait, no, Clifford.
Wait, no, Clifford.
Mr. Irving, we have a contract with you, which means that our company owns the property.
Wrong.
Through all of my pleading, hours of it, believe me, it could be yours, Shelton.
It could. 
You could make a public announcement within the week.
You know, and he's all right, actually, with Ralph still being involved with this thing, provided you increase his advance to one million dollars, and not a penny less.
(LAUGHING )
- SHELTON: 
What? 
A million dollars?
- Yes.
A million dollars?
Wait, I think we should try to maintain an atmosphere of goodwill and trust here.
- SHELTON: 
Trust?
- Yeah.
The man's a Texan copperhead.
"Trust."
Thank you.
Where are you going?
Where are you going? 
Wait a minute.
Let me tell you something.
That book is mine, signed and sealed!
And I'm not paying any goddamn million dollars for it.
You understand that?
You listen to me, Mr. Clifford fucking Irving.
- You go and tell...
- I'm not Clifford Irving.
I'm Howard Hughes!
Howard's mouth, Howard's words.
One million dollars, or we walk across the street to Doubleday.
It's your choice.
All right.
You know, Shelton, I just want to share this with you.
You know, one of Howard's alternate ideas, he said, "Why don't I just buy a controlling interest in McGraw-Hill?"
What was it he said?
"I'll just keep the printing presses and get rid of the idiots."
That's an exact quote.
Bye.
(UP ARO UND THE BEND PLAYING )
- That's it. 
Thank you.
- Sure.
(MUSIC PLA YIN G ON CAR RADIO )
(RADIO TURNS OFF)
Why are the boys so glum?
In the midst of our brilliant scheme, we forgot to figure out how to cash a check made out to Howard Hughes.
Open up a Swiss account in his name for yourself.
CLIFFORD: 
We were going to do that.
And then we found out that you need social security numbers.
And it's traceable, even in Switzerland.
Trust me, we've gone over everything.
What if a woman deposits the check?
No, no. 
The same person who opens the account has to be the same person that cashes the check.
Howard Hughes. 
It has to be a man.
Tell his publishers he changed his mind.
He wants the checks written to his initials now. 
H.R. Hughes.
Then, a fake passport, a fake name, Harriet Rhonda Hughes,
Helga Rhinoceros Hughes,
(CHUCKLING )
And I can cash the check.
- No, you're not going to Switzerland.
- Oh, Jesus. 
That's a great idea.
Cliff, that's gonna work.
She can cash the check.
- She's my wife, Dick.
- Yeah, I know she's your wife.
I've reminded you of that fact from time to time.
You know, when he doesn't call, stuff like that.
CLIFFORD:
We've talked about it already.
No, I'm...
- It's just about anonymity, that's all it is.
- I wouldn't...
- Great. 
Which one's mine?
- That... 
No, that's the old one.
So you're gonna destroy this?
- Okay, very good, thanks.
- Okay.
It's gonna take at least a week for the check to clear, so you're gonna have plenty of time to enjoy Zurich.
REPORTER 1: 
The McGraw-Hill Book Company and Life magazine announced the publication of the Hughes' autobiography...
REPORTER 2:... that he interviewed Hughes on many occasions.
REPORTER 3:... autobiography, urging buyers to place an order now for what may prove to be the most controversial book of the century.
I have phone calls, I have telegrams, I have cease-and-desist orders.
Miss Tate, am I going to pay this man a million dollars for a book that he is going to sue me for publishing?
My back is broken.
What did you order?
If you were concerned, maybe you can ask Howard to stop the more adamant denials.
Yeah, yeah. 
I gotta run.
Let me see if I can do something about that, okay?
(DICK READING )
"Hughes' lawyer calls book complete fabrication."
That's it, we're liars.
Hughes' lawyers calling us liars.
CLIFFORD: 
We knew this would happen. 
Why are you so nervous?
DICK:
My name's in the goddamn newspaper!
Barbara's very concerned about this.
A month ago, you wanted more credit.
Yeah, well, you know, Hughes' people, they're all ex-CIA.
Did you know that?
They're all trained in martial arts.
Good, good. 
I hope they drop-kick some sense into you.
- Shit. 
What is that about?
- Is it over with her?
- Over with her?
- I don't know what this is.
Edith, she did this deliberately, maliciously, because I cut off communication with her.
She wants this to separate us.
Did you see her? 
No, don't, don't...
I don't want to know.
I don't want to know.
I don't want you to go to Switzerland.
It might be dangerous.
I don't care about the money.
Bullshit.
You care only about the money.
Oh, and being a famous man.
Anyway, fuck you. 
It is my money, too.
Fuck you!
Oh, my God.
We got him.
We got him.
- Dick! 
Dick!
- What?
- Dick, we got it. 
We got it.
- Got what?
You won't believe this.
Okay, listen. 
Rebozo...
"Rebozo accepted $ 100,000 in cash to redecorate Nixon's home.
"The acceptance was understood to mean that our TWA appeal
"and the Airwest matter would be of highest priority."
And also, in 1956, Hughes gave Nixon's brother $205,000 dollars to secure Pentagon contracts.
This is money-laundering. 
It's bribery.
It's the end. 
This is...
We publish this,
Nixon... 
Nixon, the president, is impeached.
Do you understand the power this gives us?
Cliff, I'm not sure I want the power this gives us.
Yeah, well, I do.
Cliff, you publish this, you will have a storm of shit rain down on you.
And there are people now, God knows who,
Nixon's political enemies, Hughes' advisors, they know where you live.
Yes.
- I say you forget you ever saw this.
- Forget it?
This is like a Torah sent down from God to make us part of history, and you want to forget it, Dick?
Come here.
Let me show you something.
It's postmarked from Nevada.
That's Hughes country.
What are you saying?
He wants us to help him bust Nixon.
He's with us, Dick! 
Howard is with us.
(PEOPLE CHEERING )
DICK:
How did you know the Dillon Read hydraulic systems were faulty?
CLIFFORD: (IMITATING HUGHES ) You're not listening,
Clifford, goddamn it.
I made sure they were faulty through a couple of well-placed bribes.
DICK: 
So, why didn't you just go to Defense with the information and get the contract?
CLIFFORD: (IMITATING HUGHES ) Well,
I couldn't have handled the contracts then.
So instead of tattling on them, I fixed their planes.
I intertwined our technologies.
I ate that company from within, and they let me because they were hypnotized.
That's the way, Clifford.
When your rival is powerful, find an opportunity.
Create a crisis for him.
But instead of taking short-term advantage, save the day for him.
Nothing confuses a man more than a kind gesture from his enemy.
Nothing renders him more vulnerable.
(PHONE RINGING )
It's Edith. 
Turn it off, turn it off.
I made sure they were faulty through a couple of...
It was Andrea. 
We got a problem.
Keep it down, guys, you're going to wake the neighbors.
Clifford, I don't believe you've met Frank McCullough.
- No. 
Hi, Frank.
- FRANK: 
How are you?
Dick Suskind. 
Dick?
Hello.
I got a phone call yesterday from Chester Davis,
- who's Hughes' personal attorney.
- Yes, yes, yes.
Apparently at 1:00 p.m., our time, Howard Hughes is going to call to speak to an intermediary by telephone.
And as the last journalist to have spoken to Mr. Hughes, we mutually agreed that Mr. McCullough should receive the call, because of his ability to identify Mr. Hughes by voice.
Mr. McCullough has also assured us, at least for the moment, that all of this will remain off the record.
And Mr. Davis also insisted that Ralph Graves be present and in the room at the time of the phone call, which I have to say, Cliff, that one kind of surprised me, given Hughes' representations of Life
in your alleged communications with him.
If you'll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.
(LAUGHING ) Shelton, this...
What am I supposed to say?
This is an ambush.
You know exactly what the guy is gonna say on the other end of this line.
But that's why Mr. McCullough is here, to identify the voice of the man in question.
I'm neutral here, Mr. Irving.
So, now we wait.
(PHONE RINGING )
Can't watch this charade.
You can find me in the lobby.
Stay close, Clifford.
FRANK: 
Hello?
It says exit, there's no exit.
Oh, my God.
Shit!
We can't get out.
Howard Hughes. 
My God.
We have no reason to believe that that was him.
McCullough hasn't heard from him.
He hasn't spoken to him in 12 years.
Breathe. 
Listen, Dick.
There's an angry billionaire.
- He's chasing me, he's hating me.
- You're hyperventilating.
- Go on.
- No.
Walk. 
We're going up here.
Keep moving, come on. 
Come on.
Cliff, I can't... 
I gotta take a piss.
I'll confess, I'll do anything they want.
I just have to use the bathroom.
- Okay, right here, right here.
- What?
Look, hide in there.
Watch your head.
Hide there.
If you've got to, piss in your pants.
- You just go ahead and you stay there.
- I'll stay right here.
CLIFFORD: 
What happened?
We don't know yet.
McCullough asked us to leave the room.
The man I just spoke to was Howard Hughes.
His speech patterns and inflections would be impossible to imitate.
And he told me that he's never met you, and that your book is a fraud.
A hoax.
Mr. Irving?
I'm listening.
Now, knowing Howard, I don't find this to be conclusive at all.
I mean, he is a very strange man.
But considering the scarcity of proof that you've provided, my best guess at this moment is that you are a charlatan.
If there is even a whiff of impropriety to this, if you have exaggerated or changed even the slightest detail,
I will prosecute you to the full extent of the law for grand larceny and mail fraud, unless you tell me right now just what the ballfuck is going on.
I have...
CLIFFORD: 
I have betrayed your trust.
The book, the entire story, is false.
I have lied to the entire world.
And no matter what happens now, I am so relieved.
I have off-the-record material on that two-faced prick, puts him in fucking jail.
I'm going to tell Howard, either he shows his ant-bitten face, or I release it!
I've had it!
You have three days to produce Howard Hughes and the manuscript.
Grand larceny, Cliff? 
Mail fraud?
Jesus... 
No way.
This is just too much! 
Too much!
CLIFFORD: 
We've got a move, there is a move here, we're just not seeing it yet.
Stop the car. 
Pull over. 
Stop the car.
- I've gotta make a phone call.
- What are you doing?
What am I doing? 
I'm calling Barbara.
That's what I'm doing.
Yeah, it's me.
What?
It's over, Cliff. 
I can't go to jail.
Now, with you or without you,
I'm gonna tell them tomorrow that Howard Hughes called and he pulled out of the deal.
You can pay them back the money.
I talked to Barbara.
She had very strong feelings about this.
I'm sure she did.
You're an honorable man, Dick.
Aren't you?
Are you an honorable man?
Did you make a commitment to me, Dick?
Did you say you were in this till the end?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Reaching a worldwide audience, taking down a corrupt President.
That's the end! 
Not this!
- It's finished, Cliff. 
It's finished.
- Yeah, right. 
Sure.
- I'm sorry I disappointed you.
- Good.
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
(LAUGHING )
Do you read? 
Yeah.
I encourage people to read, because I...
- Right.
- That way, they read my books, and I sell books and I can make some money.
That is why I love it when people say, "I'm a reader."
I say, "Good for you, and good for me."
- I bet you are a good...
- Hey, cowboy. 
We gotta go.
- No, no, I don't wanna go.
- Yes, you do.
We gotta go.
I've just been having a very interesting conversation with these lovely ladies.
- Come sit, have a drink, have a drink.
- WOMAN: 
It's true.
DICK: 
No, you can't jazz anything up.
You have to be historically accurate.
I need to find a great book.
The one book...
- Tommy, two. 
Two more doubles.
- TOM: 
Yeah, sure.
His two main preoccupations...
Am I right?
Were war and sodomy.
(WOMEN LAUGHING )
Now, this is my problem.
It's a hazardous business, sodomy.
- Yes, this is what I hear.
- "What you hear..."
(LAUGHING )
It's what you hear.
CLIFFORD ON TAPE:
(IMITA TIN G HUGHES) That's the way.
When your rival is powerful, find an opportunity.
Create a crisis for him.
But instead of taking short term advantage, save the day for him.
(HORN HONKING )
Hi.
Cliff?
What happened last night?
I smell...
I smell... (SOBBING )
Oh, no.
Oh, God. 
No, I didn't...
Oh, I didn't.
I did, didn't I?
It's all right.
Dick, listen to me.
It was a mistake.
It was a mistake.
She's wanted security for a long time, hasn't she?
- Yes.
- Yes, she has.
Well, you can give her that now.
I promise you, I will make this work.
I will make this work. 
I promise.
CLIFFORD: (IMITA TIN G HUGHES) I intertwined our technologies.
I ate that company
from within.
And they let me because they were hypnotized.
(HERE CO MES THE SUN PLAYING )
The Mayor of New York planned this parade through his voting precinct  and Owen Brewster was a thieving, lying jackal.
If you've got a jackal after you...
I flew around the world in 1938, for the only decent reason a young man does anything.
Because he feels like it.
They set a meeting for Mr. Octavio and he's gonna show up here.
This is perhaps the most bizarre communiqué I have ever received.
And I need your help in implementing its requirements.
At 1:00 p.m. Tomorrow, the top four floors of this building are to be evacuated.
All the carpeting on the 14th floor is to be removed.
Floors are to be washed and waxed.
All the windows are to be covered with black material, a kind which does not accumulate dust.
Does that apply to my windows also, Mr. Irving?
Yeah. 
I'd go ahead and cover them up, Harold.
I think it's the best thing. 
Play it safe.
HAROLD: 
This is sensitive material.
I'm still deciding whether or not to put this in the book, but...
I think you should put it somewhere safe.
- Of course, Cliff.
- Okay.
All right, then...
Here's our manuscript.
Hope you like it.
Hope to God I do, too.
All right, I'll bring down Howard as soon as he gets here.
All right.
All right, check the western...
Make sure that the diameter is exactly right.
It's okay?
- Yeah, don't worry about me.
- You're doing good.
ANDREA: 
Yes, on the spot. 
Correct.
You see and...
MAN: 
He doesn't like fumes.
We might not wanna let this fly off the building.
- What do you think?
- Give me that.
- Did you copy this, by hand?
- Yes.
- From the original.
- Cliff!
- No photocopy, right?
- No!
I kept...
I am fully aware of the restrictions, Cliff.
- All right?
- Brad?
- I did it by hand.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
Why do I always want to strangle Brad?
Every time.
Is that him?
MAN ON RADIO: 
Do you see it?
- That's him! 
He's here!
- Oh, my God!
He's landing! 
Clear the roof!
- BRAD: 
Get your things. 
Go! 
Come on!
- Quickly.
ANDREA: 
Where's he going?
CLIFFORD: 
I don't know.
Oh, no. 
This is not happening.
Can we head back?
(RETCHING )
He was 50 feet from the fucking building.
All right? 
My diagram is fine.
It's not outside of...
- Andrea, do you have the original?
- Yes.
It's not outside the scope of my capabilities, diagramming
- a simple copy of what he wrote.
- We'll find out.
- I can do that.
- You switched east and west. 
Why?
Why did you do... 
Look!
No, I wrote what was on the damn page.
No, you didn't.
Look, he's an eccentric genius.
He likes things the way he wants them.
Why did you change it?
A three-year-old wouldn't have fucked that up.
- Doesn't know east from west.
- Pray that you die, you sniveling twat.
I swear to Christ, I wrote what was on his page.
Right the same. 
Exactly the same.
Your book is genuine.
There's no way your material could have come from anyone but Howard Hughes.
The colloquialisms, the idiosyncratic philosophies.
Heck, you have got a near-perfect account of a conversation I had with Howard that I didn't tell another living soul about.
- Really?
- It's typical Howard Hughes.
- You write it, then deny it.
- It was so... 
I was having such... 
Yeah.
He really put you on one hell of a limb, didn't he, Cliff?
It wasn't easy. 
No, it wasn't.
But I've had a lot of help.
- It's a masterpiece, Cliff.
- Really?
A masterpiece.
- You liked it?
- I loved it.
Oh, yes! 
Yes!
(CROWD CHEERING )
(REPORTERS CLAMORING )
REPORTER: 
Davis is threatening civil action if the book is published.
Why is he fighting so hard if the book is authentic?
(MAN CHA TTERIN G ON TV)
I wouldn't be surprised if they got surveillance devices all over my home, right now, this second.
REPORTER: 
The controversy over the Clifford Irving book on Howard Hughes is apparently of little concern to those who stand to profit from high sales of that book.
If you ask my advice, the election of George Bush as United States Senator will be good for Texas.
I know it will be good for America.
But in any event, he pulled out a bag, reached in and he pulled out a prune,
and he looked at Dick and offered it and said, "Would you like a prune?"
And Dick took the prune, tasted it and he said,
"That's an organic prune."
When this book comes out, all the naysayers will be amazed at the wealth, the depth, the quality, of the material that's been given to us.
You are so royally full of shit.
I mean, I feel very humble in this situation of being a conduit, for this kind of revelation that is not just about this man, but about our age and who we are as a people.
(PHONE RINGING )
- Hello?
- EDITH: 
Clifford, I have the money.
I am safe now.
- Edith, where are you?
- I'm at the airport.
But they're watching.
Someone is watching me, and following me and...
Edith? 
Edith!
(GROANING )
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING )
Where's Howard?
You know, Clifford, I have worked in various capacities for Mr. Hughes for 19 years now, and never once have I referred to him by his first name.
You don't seem to abide such formalities.
He and I wrote a book together.
Assume for a moment that I know you didn't, and that it's not the topic of the evening.
What is?
The world Mr. Hughes has created is vast, Clifford.
It covers many industries and many endeavors.
There are fiefdoms and factions, traitors and minor rebellions.
You see, Clifford, the men Mr. Hughes uses as his instruments in the world are often themselves the makers of history.
You mean Nixon?
Mr. Hughes wants to know if you included the information sent to you in the galleys of your book.
Howard wants to bury Nixon, doesn't he?
Because his dog isn't doing tricks anymore, on TWA, on the Airwest merger, on anything.
I'm not arrogant enough to speculate on Mr. Hughes' motives, Clifford.
We just want an answer to the question.
I'll just say this.
Nothing stops this book from being published exactly the way I wrote it.
He wants my help?
He has to speak to me directly.
Are you dictating terms to Howard Hughes?
I'm the messenger for Howard Hughes.
Why such a burning commitment to a man you don't know?
But I do know him.
And I deserve to see him.
Presidents have said the same thing to me, Clifford.
I will tell you what I told them.
It's not a matter of getting through a door, Clifford.
There is no door to get through.
Lf, though, Clifford, if there were a door, you would now be hearing the sound of it closing.
(SCREAMING )
(GASPING )
(SCREAMS )
Mr. Hughes wants that information in the book, Clifford.
I knew it.
So, I put the dirt in, Howard will let the book go forward, right?
That's the deal.
Do I have any assurances?
Take it on faith, Clifford.
(CHUCKLING )
(GRUNTS )
ANDREA: 
There is a perfect logic to it, as everything Hughes does has.
It makes sense that he would choose Cliff and not someone like Mailer because then it would be Mailer's book.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
There are claims from some corners that Mr. Irving has concocted this book from whole cloth.
Well, for those of us who have read it, we know that only a Shakespeare could have accomplished such a feat, and while Mr. Irving is a fine man, he is no Shakespeare.
(ALL LAUGHING )
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Clifford Irving.
Thank you, thank you.
CLIFFORD: 
We could change the world with this, Harold.
I want this chapter in the book.
Cliff, we will be sued for libel by the President.
(PHONE BEEPS )
- You'll win. 
You will win. 
I promise you.
- Excuse me. 
Yes?
To put this out unsubstantiated is at best unwise, and at worst unethical.
Wait, wait.
Could you give me a moment, Cliff, please?
- Yeah, sure.
- Thank you.
Ralph, if the President took cash bribes, then we have every... (PHONE BEEPS )
WOMAN: 
Harold, I'm sorry to interrupt, but the Zurich District Attorney's office is on the line.
HAROLD: 
Hang on, Ralph. 
I'll take it.
Yes, this is Harold McGraw.
WOMAN: 
Something to do with a Swiss bank account.
ANDREA: 
Who told you that?
Where did you hear that?
REPORTER: 
This latest puzzle in the case involves a Swiss bank in Zurich where the checks were cashed by H.R. Hughes.
That H.R. Hughes was a mysterious lady named Helga R. Hughes.
The police are looking for her, and the normally silent Swiss bankers are talking about the case.
Mr. Irving, who cashed the checks, sir?
Who opened up the Swiss bank account?
The account holder in Switzerland is a woman named Helga Hughes.
They suspect she forged the endorsements.
This has become sleazy and demeaning.
- I'm a publisher, Shelton.
- You're an employee, Harold.
I don't care what your name is.
We paid for a book and we're going to publish it.
Just roll the goddamn presses.
(SIGHS )
MAN ON PHONE:
Why are you calling us about this?
I'm doing this, sir, because I felt the President deserved a warning.
- Anybody else have this information?
- No, of course not.
- Absolutely nobody?
- Absolutely no one.
Where's the book now?
You should receive it by messenger this afternoon.
(I'D LIKE TO TEACH THE WORLD TO SIN G PLAYING )
Thank God.
Honey, you okay? 
Are you all right?
- Let me help you with this...
- I am not staying!
MAN 1: 
What's in the book?
MAN 2: 
Everything.
Hughes' loans to the President.
The real amounts of the loans.
The shit about Bebe in Florida.
And you're saying the President thinks this is authentic?
- How else could they know?
- We've got to talk to this guy, Fisher.
He's gotta kill the book.
Hughes is just using it to get to the chief.
In fact, the President hit the roof this morning.
He's terrified the book's been leaked to the Democratic National Committee.
Shit.
He thinks they're sipping tea at the Watergate Hotel reading it, right now.
All right, I'll call Hunt and have him send his guys in to see if the DNC has a copy yet.
And prepare something for the President, if this breaks early, if he has to address the nation.
To say what?
Checkers had puppies.
How the fuck should I know?
I was on the plane and I was thinking for a long time.
I was thinking about all of your lies from before.
I guess, maybe, I am not beautiful
- or very sexual enough for you...
- No, honey, no. 
It's not true.
You have made me feel that.
So, I'm leaving.
And I'm giving back all of the money, all of the book money.
Look, you've worked so hard on us, on the book...
Punish me, but don't punish yourself.
You're always so careful when you talk, always so soft like a cushion for what you want.
But I am leaving.
But before I go, I give you something.
You are exhausted from your lies.
So tell the truth.
Tell me the truth about what you did with her this time.
It is your moment to be clean.
I saw her.
When?
Last month.
It was in town, down in the Village.
(SIGHS )
We were talking about the past, and I...
I was tempted.
I was tempted enough that I...
I went with her, back to her apartment,
and I kissed her.
And...
And something happened. 
I...
Something physically...
I just recoiled and...
I couldn't go through with it.
I couldn't do it.
I just left her standing there and I ran down the stairs.
I know you're making a really big decision.
I know. 
I understand that.
I...
I just want you to know, that's the truth.
That's the truth.
(CRYING )
I hate you.
And I love you.
I hate you.
I think I'm coming down with something.
(AIRPLANE WHIRRING )
CLIFFORD: (IMITA TIN G HUGHES) Human relationships are impossible.
Especially with females, Clifford.
We try, of course, to police ourselves, so that they might be happy, believing that their happiness might become our own.
We're intertwined now, son, and I'm glad.
It's for the best.
Hi.
You're broke?
Why don't you ask your friend for another birthday present?
CLIFFORD ON TAPE:
(IMITA TIN G HUGHES) 2,400 of our boys...
Twelve years.
Twelve years I have been doing free research for you.
I cover up all your sleazy affairs. 
Why?
Because I thought it was an investment,
I thought there was someone in there.
Jesus Christ!
(TAPE STOPS )
You paid her. 
You paid that hooker.
I could lose my wife, Cliff.
Always the Cassandra, always bad news.
Cliff, I'm not like you. 
I confessed.
- You need your freedom, Dick.
- What's that? 
Your opinion?
You ruin my life because of your fucking opinion?
I wanted this for you more than for me.
The whole thing. 
I always did.
And we did it, Dick.
Damn it, we did it. 
Look at this.
(LAUGHING )
And look at that.
- I don't care about that.
- It's yours. 
Take it.
- I don't care about that.
- It's all yours. 
Take it. 
It's yours.
- I don't care about that.
- It's all yours. 
Take it. 
It's yours.
What's going on here?
(CLIFFORD SHUSHING )
(WHISPERING ) Intertel.
Intertel, sons of bitches.
Motherfuck. 
They came in.
They broke into my house last night.
They were here. 
They abducted me.
They took me in a car, and they flew me to Nassau.
And there, they threatened me.
They beat me up and they chucked me out of a window.
I said, "No, this book goes...
Our book goes forward.
"Nothing is gonna stop it." I was firm. 
Assurances were made.
"This Howard Hughes will not be interfered with."
- This Howard Hughes?
- This Howard Hughes...
Cliff, Clifford Irving.
Intertel kidnapped you and flew you to Nassau?
Yes! 
CIA, ex-CIA henchmen!
Martial arts! 
You were absolutely right.
I was here last night, Cliff.
I came here for lessons on how to lie to my wife, you being an expert in that field.
Jesus Christ, I was outside that fucking window.
I saw you in here.
You were sitting on the floor, drunk out of your head.
You don't believe me.
You, of all people.
Take your fucking money.
Take your money.
- Take your money!
- Oh, fuck you!
Take your fucking money, all the fucking percentage you got!
Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
- Get out, go!
Take your fucking money and get out of here!
Don't throw money at me.
You stay away from me, you son of a fucking... 
Stay away!
No one flew you to Nassau, Cliff.
You're not that important.
(ENGINE STARTING )
One moment, please.
- Sir?
- MAN: 
Yes.
Chester Davis, Howard Hughes' attorney on Line 1.
MAN: 
Okay. 
You're sure?
What time will it be on?
I can't thank you enough, Chester.
The President owes you one.
HUGHES:
Of course, I have massive files of photographs and other recorded material tracing my life from an early age.
I have volumes and volumes and rooms full of...
Mr. Hughes, did you cooperate, or do you know...
MAN: 
Congratulations, again.
CLIFFORD: 
Thank you.
- Wonderful evening.
- Thank you. 
Thank you very much.
I want to know why the hell we weren't warned about this.
Why weren't we warned? 
Clara!
HUGHES: 
I have volumes and volumes and rooms full of...
Mr. Hughes, did you cooperate, or do you know a man named Irving, who claims to have taped this biography with you?
HUGHES:
Well, this must go down in history.
I only wish I were still in the movie business because I don't remember any scripts as wild or as stretching of the imagination as this yarn has turned out to be.
I take it, sir, you do not know a man named Clifford Irving, then?
HUGHES: 
No, I never saw him.
I never even heard of him until a matter of days ago when this thing first came to my attention.
It is so fantastic and so utterly beyond the bounds of anyone's imagination... (WOMAN EX CLAIMS )
I mean, it seems to me the motive for Irving could be money.
But McGraw-Hill and Time Life don't have to deal in fake manuscripts.
They surely have a business that operates at a higher plane than that.
There's gotta be a bank record somewhere of this transaction.
So, I just don't have any idea.
MAN: 
There have been reports that you have had dealings with...
He just lied.
... President Nixon's friend Bebe Rebozo, and also dealings with the President himself.
Do you care to comment on those reports?
REPORTER:
A warrant was issued today for the arrest of Clifford Irving's wife, Edith.
She is charged with fraud and forgery.
She deposited in a Swiss bank money intended for Howard Hughes, whose autobiography her husband says he wrote.
No, no, no, no!
Edith?
Martin Ackerman, attorney for Clifford Irving, who claims that he compiled the book, reaffirms his conviction that it is authentic.
Ackerman issued that statement after a story in this morning's New York Times, a story reportedly saying Irving may have been duped.
Edith?
Edith?
- Edith?
- REPORTER ON TV: 
Nina!
Is it safe to say this was an intimate relationship?
Yes, the relationship was physical.
And you can confirm that Mr. Irving, in fact, did not meet with Mr. Hughes on the date in question?
He could not have met Howard Hughes in Nassau because he was with me at The Plaza Hotel.
Well, did he confide in you regarding the book?
No. 
I knew nothing about it.
I'm completely flabbergasted by all of this attention and...
What exactly do you do, Miss Van Pallandt?
I'm an actress, and a singer.
Nina.
GEORGE:
Always the details that undo us.
GEORGE:
Always the details that undo us.
Can I run something by you, George?
Certainly, Clifford.
That's what I'm here for.
This was a really bad year for Howard, wasn't it?
The TWA thing, the Airwest merger unraveling.
He lost control of Nixon, his fixer, too, didn't he?
He needed something.
He needed some leverage to keep him back in line.
REPORTER: 
A loss could cost Hughes $ 137 million...
So one day he opens his disinfected newspaper, and there we are, us, with our little book.
When your rival is powerful, find an opportunity.
Create a crisis for him.
Hardly had to do anything.
Just a little push.
Then he fed us some dirt.
The shit about Bebe and...
CLIFFORD: 
Just to get Nixon's attention, a little more dirt.
The President thinks this is authentic?
How else could they know?
Nixon gets hysterical.
He thinks the book is real.
But instead of taking short-term advantage, save the day for him.
And then Howard makes it good for the President, cashes in his chip,
and we get buried.
I take it, sir, you do not know a man named Clifford Irving, then?
HUGHES: 
No, I never saw him.
I never even heard of him until...
I'm not angry, George.
I'm disappointed.
You know, I thought that maybe...
I thought we were partners, Howard and I.
Well, you mustn't take it personally, Clifford.
Just as the trees mustn't take it personally when a forest is razed for lumber.
They're part of a grand design.
I played it good for a while, though, didn't I?
You were tremendous, Clifford.
Mr. Hughes commented on that.
Really?
Would I lie to you?
REPORTER:
Howard Hughes has spoken publicly.
And he has told us that we may hear more from him soon.
All right, thank you. 
Thank you.
Good night, from NBC News.
( YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT PLAYING )
( YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT PLAYING )
(REPORTERS CLAMORING )
Sir, do you have any comment?
I'll cooperate in exchange for leniency for Dick, and especially for Edith.
Mr. Irving received a sentence of two and a half years' imprisonment,
Mr. Suskind, six months' imprisonment.
In addition, they will pay full restitution to McGraw-Hill and the Internal Revenue Service, totaling $ 1.3 million.
Mrs. Irving received a suspended sentence, but we have no control over what the Swiss authorities decide to do.
MAN: 
Are you happy with the outcome, Mr. Newman?
I'm not sure you're ever ecstatic when a bargain is reached but...
REPORTER: 
In a surprise reversal, the Nixon Justice Department today approved the acquisition of Airwest airlines by Howard Hughes' Tool Co.
This on the heels of last week's Supreme Court decision to dismiss the TWA shareholders' lawsuit, rescuing Mr. Hughes from paying $ 137 million made it a very good week for the eccentric billionaire.
In other news today, five men were arrested breaking into the Democratic National Committee headquarters located in the Watergate Hotel.
Yeah, that's them.
Don't choke on the dust.
(NIXON'S THE ONE PLAYING )

THE HOAX (2006)
(SIRENS WAILING )
(PEOPLE CHATTERING )
ANDREA: 
Dana?
Dana, can you hear me?
ANDREA: 
Just follow the instructions.
Is that so difficult?
No, no, "N"!
WOMAN: 
Harold.
MAN: 
It's very becoming. 
I like that.
MAN: 
Guys, there's nothing I can do, all right?
The meeting's gonna be canceled.
The building's being evacuated.
Top four floors are closed off.
I don't know what's going on.
ANDREA: 
It doesn't matter.
Nobody's supposed to be there.
Just follow the instructions.
Is that so difficult?
Clifford, it's 2:37 and my interns are stranded.
- Where the fuck is he?
- He's coming.
- He's coming?
- He's coming.
MAN ON RADIO:
I think we got something.
Oh, my God. 
Is that him?
South side of the building.
Do you see it?
- That's him! 
He's here!
- Oh, my God!
He's landing! 
Clear the roof!
- BRAD: 
Get your things. 
Go! 
Come on!
- Quickly.
He keeps his promises.
Fake.
- Fake.
- Yes.
Malika, Clifford is the man who wrote Fake.
An excellent book about the guy, artist...
I'm blanking... 
Who was it?
- Art forger.
- The art forger.
- Exactly. 
Elmyr de Hory was his name.
- Okay.
He forged Picassos, Matisses, Modiglianis...
The whole theory of forgery as art.
What is art?
Very subversive kind of act.
The book sold poorly.
- Well, it could've done better.
- Let's not talk about that today.
Regardless. 
The new one. 
Fiction.
- Yes.
- Rudnick's Problem.
I like it. 
You're right.
- I like it. 
Malika liked it, too.
- MALIKA: 
Yeah.
Yes, I did. 
I loved it. 
It was stunning.
It scared the hell out of me, actually, to tell you the truth.
- It's an angry book.
- ALBERT: 
But funny!
I mean, I read it, I thought it was hilarious.
It wasn't angry to me.
It was nice to me. 
It made me laugh.
But anger's important. 
We need anger.
Which I think will help us in Germany.
Regardless, marry us and have our children?
(ALL LAUGHING )
Brad Silber at Life is reading it right now for serialization rights.
Great.
Harold McGraw himself is reading it this weekend.
- You're kidding.
- That's just a formality.
You have waited, Cliff.
You've watched as less talented writers have bypassed you.
But now, justice at last.
They're going to push this one hard.
They're going to bet the bank.
- Is that a promise?
- You can set your watch by it.
Andrea, I don't have a watch.
Then buy one.
Trust me, you can afford it.
(HERE CO MES THE SUN PLAYING )
CLIFFORD:
Calls unreturned, they don't read you for six months, they're indifferent.
Then overnight... 
God.
Dick, can you hear me?
Dick! 
Here, try these. 
They're bigger.
No, they're fine.
We're doing a vacation, a gentleman's celebration kind of thing.
You got harpoons?
The ones that shoot?
- Yeah, most of them shoot.
- Good.
He looks like a sausage.
All right, I'll take the whole outfit.
Set me up as a regular account.
I prefer monthly payments.
You're a prick, Robert, you are such a prick. 
You played me like a harp.
Whitewalls, leather...
Is this guy a salesman?
Now, when my accountant comes by with the check, should he talk to you directly?
He should speak to me directly, yeah, with the check, yeah.
Call the police, there's a beautiful woman in front of my house!
(SCREAMING WITH JO Y)
CLIFFORD:
What's the matter, pear?
You haven't seen a bestselling author before?
- Oh, Cliff.
- Yes.
You didn't think I was going to do it, did you?
Stop, Cliff, stop.
Look, they're taking the sofa.
Oh, I love that sofa.
Hey, guys. 
How are you doing?
Hey, guys. 
How are you doing?
Ah, fuck the sofa.
- Close your eyes. 
Close, close.
- What?
- Okay.
- Oh, Cliff.
Cliff!
There, perfect.
You are a beautiful man.
I am sure you would desert me.
No, will desert you, the tense is future active.
Don't correct the grammar of it.
You are not this perfect person.
Honey, it's finished.
I told you it was finished.
It's finished with her.
- Good night.
- Cliff...
- Keys to my new car.
- Yeah, got it. 
Bye, honey.
Have fun.
(SWING MUSIC PLAYING )
(PEOPLE CHATTERING )
CLIFFORD: 
Andrea!
Andrea! 
Hi, isn't this amazing?
Isn't this wild?
- Can I talk to you a second?
- Let's talk on Monday, Cliff.
No, just for a second.
It's really important. 
I'd like to...
- Who is Walnuts?
- Toki, look inside of your basket.
Guess what, you're in such a crappy mood, you have ladies' tampons... inside of it and you buy them for yourself.
Go and have a conversation with older ladies and tell them your problems.
- You're lady, Swissgar.
- No, I'm not!
Two cups of rice.
Brutal.
OK, hold on, so you're telling me that you put these little guys in boiling water... and they shriek and they turn red and they die?
Yes, sir.
That is the most metal thing I ever heard in my whole life.
High-five.
Price check!
Clean up aisle six!
- Rotted body landslide.
- Oh, that's great.
And don't forget our special sale on every bone broken chicken.
- Hurry!
- You get them, Nathan.
Enjoy our tasty half-snot face.
Aisle three.
I loves to laugh.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Guess what?
You are a GMLIF.
That is a grandmother that I would like to...
See, I told you guys, we don't need ol' chef.
Put in the ingredients into that thing there.
Oh, no, we leaves all the food at that food place.
What?
!
Jean Pierre!
Jean Pierre, cook something!
Come on, don't be a dick, be a dude.
- Yeah. 
Come on!
- Don't be a dick.
- Come on.
- Make us something!
- Just do it.
- We can't hear you.
- Do it. 
We can't hear you.
- Do it! 
Do it!
It's over.
By the power of all that's evil...
I command you to awaken and make me a sandwich!
There is only one thing left to do.
Kill ourselves.
Dudes, we would have to sew him back together to get him to cook for us.
Yeah, but we such screw ups that he would be sewn back together wrong.
That's a good song title.
# Sewn back together wrong #
# Back together Sewn back together wrong #
# Back together, Sewn back together wrong #
# Back together sewn #

I like that shirt.
Who's staring now?
Oh, it's the same people.
Now I know how Lindsay Lohan feels.
Well, you're not that drunk.
They're just getting used to it.
They've seen us come in here together a million times... just not together together.
Compliments of Tactical.
So, how long do you give it?
I don't know; she's pretty smart.
I figure another week.
Hey, guys, thanks for the drink. 
Hey, you want to join us?
No, uh, we, uh, figured we'd leave you two alone.
We were thinking aboutspicing it up a little bit, maybe getting a threesome going.
Hi, boss.
Oh, no, come on, no,
I just came by to drop off some kudos for our successful negotiation
Of the Bakersfield prison riot.
- Hey, why don't you join us?
- Yeah.
No, no, my days at Sloan's are far behind me, thank you.
Come on, none of that "I'm not going to drink with the grunts" crap.
Yeah, exactly-
- It wasn't that long ago you used to be one of the grunts.
Good point. 
Okay, one drink.
That wasn't even the craziest one.
Oh, no, no. 
The craziest one-
- We are into a foot chase, running down this alley.
Full-On '70s cop mode, okay?
The perp decides to hop a fence into somebody's backyard.
Right, so Matt goes around the front.
I follow him over the fence and drop in front of
The most evil, vicious Doberman in all of East L. A.
Come on!
You let her go over there alone?
You know how scared he is of dogs.
You're scared of dogs?
No, I'm not scared, I'm mindful.
Yeah, right.
He got attacked by a pack of dogs when he was a kid.
You were on your way to what-- The Cub Scouts, what was...
No, Little League. 
Right, Little League!
Right. 
He got attacked, he's been afraid ever since.
So I'm thinking about that while I'm looking at this Doberman,
And I start backing into the fence, right?
And right next to me  is the guy.
And he looks at me, I look at him, and he's like,
"Uh, so, uh, I'm ready to negotiate now. "
- Okay, Andrea, time's up.
- Just one more time around.
Please, Paul.
No more "Please, Paul. "
I get you home late again, your dad's going to kill me.
David Lau, I have your daughter.
Her driver Paul is dead, 
She is alive. 
Do you understand?
I was just... 
Yeah, I understand.
David...  ... listen carefully. 
No, you listen... 
You don't know who you're talking to.
You hurt her, I swear to God I will kill you and I will have your family killed. 
Pacific Turtle Fund, Caiman Islands, $12. 2 million liquid. 
I know exactly who I'm talking to.
You want to see your daughter alive again, you'll pay the ransom in full. 
I'll call back in two hours. 
Have the wire ready. 
What do we do, Ray?
I mean, we have to report this to Crisis Negotiation, right?
I mean, it's a kidnapping.
They took his kid. 
This trumps our case.
Right?
The kidnappers have set a two-Hour window
Every second we continue to argue this, we lose time.
We need to intercede now, take over ransom negotiation.
Losing time? 
How about losing a year  of investigation into a major organized crime target?
Ray, how about we take it down a level?
We're on the same side case here.
No, we're on different sides of the same case.
David Lau is the Los Angeles point man for an international criminal enterprise.
I want Lau's connections-- Toronto, Hong Kong.
I've chewed my way through two months of red tape
To get a legal intercept on the SAT phone,
And you're telling me to blow our surveillance
Because someone grabs his kid?
He hasn't even reported a crime!
He won't.
Crime bosses do not call the cops for help.
It's probably what the kidnappers are counting on.
Enough. 
Ray...
I know how hard you work in this case...
And I know you're going to nail this guy, but right now,
There's a ten-Year-Old girl at risk and she's got priority.
So make your surveillance available to the Crisis Negotiation Unit.
I think you're making a mistake.
We'd better get started.
Like you said, we're losing time.
- How close are you?
- Five minutes.
David Lau has made several calls to known associates for help in the last hour.
You may be walking into a crowded room.
Roger that.
Matt, Cheryl was way out in front on this one.
Yeah, always was.
Yeah, you know her pretty well, don't you?
Yeah, well, partners for 12 years. 
You get to know somebody.
You guys were a great team. 
A lot of the research from my training guide
Was based on some of the cases you worked together.
- We never hooked up.
- I never said you did.
No, but it'd be a reasonable assumption.
Why, because she knows you're afraid of dogs?
No, because she's hot.
Here we are.
Looks like the gang's all here.
Yeah, literally.
FBI, can we speak to David Lau please?
- He's not home.
- Aah, that's too bad.
Can we come in?
I said, "He's not home. "
Well, I guess you're going to have to tell him we're here anyway.
David Lau, we are not here for you.
We are here to help Andrea.
Failure to report a kidnapping is a federal offense, 
Even if it's your own daughter that's been taken. 
It's the FBI.
How do they know?
Come on, please. 
Come out and talk to us, do it for her. 
You said this phone couldn't be tapped.
You said it was golden!
- Look, we can get a warrant-- 
- Kim!
They... 
They haven't called back yet.
Can we come in?
Why don't you invite us in?
Easy, boys.
Stay right where you are.
Hey, hey, hey, you heard him.
Stay.
Hey, this is my house. 
You need a warrent, get out!
All right, everybody settle down.
- Mrs. Lau asked us in.
- Listen, we all know what's going on here.
We're not here to arrest or question anyone outside of the kidnapping.
Yeah, we know what you're going through and we know how to help,
So why don't you give us the phone and let us take the next call?
David, please, just let them help.
I need to talk to my wife alone for a minute.
Well, you've got two.
That's not our deadline.
So, you guys, all just...
Friends of the fam, right?
I'm sorry. 
I want her back.
I don't care what happens to us.
I told you I'm taking care of it.
How?
This is a move against me, kim.
I know who did this.
Who?
You mean someone you know?
I'm going to get her back and not to fbi.
I'm taking care of it, okay?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I let them in.
It's okay.
They're not going to stop me.
I'll use them and buy time.
The call's coming in.
Step back.
That's right decision
Hello?
Voice: 
Who is this?
This is matt. 
Who's this?
Put dad on the phone.
No, you don't get dad.
You don't get mom, you don't get anything without talking to me.
You a cop?
Fbi, which means I should inform you that kidnapping for profit in the united states is a ticket to the death penalty.
You return andrea, that's one less headache you have to worry about.
He sends the money, or the girl dies.
She gets hurt, you get nothing.
That's it.
We were running a trace.
Which we are. 
Lea?
No trace.
The guy's using a scrambler and a high-End voice modulator.
All right, well, which one can you crack first?
Gun to my head?
The voice.
I could isolate the algorithms, see if I could score a print.
There's a gun to someone's head, so keep going.
Right. 
Sorry.
How do you know he'll call back?
The thing he's made most clear
I want you to give these guys their space to work.
We'll call you later.
That's better.
You have no idea who's behind this.
No, not yet.
We're kind of hoping you might.
Most kidnappers target people they know.
And you seem to know some pretty tough people, so chances are you might know someone who'd like to hurt you?
I own a chain of Laundromats.
Well, maybe a rival Laundromat is trying to, uh, muscle you out of the fluff-And-Fold business.
Excuse me.
Yeah.
Try and remember he's the victim here.
Matt: 
He's not acting like it.
Well, he's not going to tell us who his enemies are. 
We're one of them.
I mean, they've got to have a classified file on him.
No, forget that. 
We'd have to go through ray jamison.
That's the guy whose case we deep-Sixed coming down here.
I don't think he's going to give us squat.
I need your help.
My team has inserted themselves into the ransom negotiations, and we're trying to get a line on the kidnappers.
Now, we think it's someone Lau knows.
And so you need my files and all my casework?
I could probably sacrifice a couple of informants if you'd like to.
I could go straight to hilton,
Have him order you to turn over all your assets, but I'd rather save you the embarrassment and me the time.
So I'm asking you, directly and discreetly.
Case number and my password.
Thank you.
No. 
Thank you.
You're absolutely right.
Give me dick lanstate at the department of justice, and tell them to pull him out of whatever he's doing.
According to the o. 
C. D. The big circle boys have natural competitors,
But not a lot of rivals, and they work closely with other gangs.
Or maybe we should be looking at someone inside the gang.
Not likely. 
They're all super loyal.
Matt: 
What about someone who used to be inside?
Is there anyone on the discard pile who got kicked off the roster?
Lea: 
Russell tze.
Suspect, multiple homicides.
Cheryl: 
Used to muscle for Lau until they had a falling out about two years ago.
Left bcb to form his own outfit.
For these guys, getting fired is worse than getting whacked.
So, he'd have motive, and he'd know about the offshore account.
Cheryl: 
Frank?
You want us to roll on him?
I want you to wait and watch until you can confirm that the girl is in pocket.
Keep him on the phone for us.
Yeah.
This is matt.
Voice: 
Hello, matt.
Let's try this again.
Matt: 
Hey, thanks for calling back.
You're doing the right thing.
So, you know my name.
What should I call you?
Call me sir
Yes, sir.
I don't buy Lau calling the fbi.
You had him on satellite surveillance, am I right?
That's a fair assumption, sir.
Yeah, I'm in position.
We got vehicles out front.
There's no visible sentries.
I got second floor greasy windows.
Possible objective.
How about we sneak a gps on one of those cars?
Get arsems to track them so we don't have to worry about keeping a tail if we need to follow.
Arsems, huh?
You just want an excuse to call that mathers chick, don't you?
What can I say, man?
She likes me.
Looks like they went and got bigger guns.
They must be thinking the same thing we are.
Not good.
Man, what's the call?
Let's make this simple. 
We talk money, or we don't talk.
Are you authorized to represent the family or not?
What does he mean?
He means, can we bargain with your money?
N o.
What?
No.
We're not talking money until we get proof of life.
I want to hear andrea.
I want to see her.
Fair enough.
5179 hudson.
Check the mail.
We'll talk in one hour.
5179 hudson. 
Damn it.
We're on hudson.
Shoot me, bitch.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't believe you.
Fbi.
Drop 'em!
Where's the girl, russell?
What girl?
David Lau's working with the fbi now?
What the hell's going on?
Don't touch the mailbox!
It's pol's
What?
!
What?
Yeah.
Just busted your boys trying to take out russell tze.
Apparently we both came to the same conclusion.
I think it's fair we're both wrong.
Yeah.
But we have no idea who's got.
Lab confirms.
It's definitely an instant photo, not digital.
It has not been altered in any way.
Thanks
So, what do you think?
I think they've done this before, I think they're pros.
Professionnal kidnnapers?
It's big business in latin america, asia.
Half a billion dollars a year big.
Why haven't I heard of this?
Ask your husband.
His friends overseas like to dabble in it from time to time.
Emily: 
Sometimes the goal is terror.
Sometimes politics, but mostly, it's money.
Only a problem with your theory.
Is that this is california, it's not columbia.
Well, sure, your typical kr targets a-A business exec with a fat insurance policy,
But david's different, because david's not going to call the cops.
He doesn't want to report the theft.
So...
What do we do?
Emily: 
They call back in a half hour, we say we pay them the 12 million.
We can't
What do you mean you can't?
What do you mean you can't?
This is andrea.
It's not my money.
Do you understand?
I touch it, and we're dead.
We're never gonna be safe.
Emily: 
It's okay.
You're not expected to come up with the first number that they ask for.
They're going to start high, and then work their way down.
But now, some of that money's got to be yours.
How much?
One, five.
All right, one point five.
Yeah, I can get him there.
I can get him there.
There he is.
All right.
Ready?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Sir: 
Are we ready to talk yet?
Oh, we're ready to talk.
We're going to be talking english, though.
See, when you say to me $12. 2 million, to me that's klingon.
I haven't heard a better number.
Matt: 
Better number would be seven, as in, uh, $700, 000,
Which, if you think about it--
$700, 000 won't buy you the location of the corpse.
$12. 2. 
Million.
Matt: 
Yeah, well, david Lau's not as rich as you seem to think he is.
Matt: 
The money in that account-
- That's not his.
Sir: 
That's his problem.
Below $10 million.
Man: 
Hey, fowler?
W hat?
I already said what.
You want out of the deal, there's the door.
We agreed if there was heat,
This is good heat.
Fbi talker's a pro.
Negotiator.
It's his job to make this work.
He won't let emotion get in the way.
Shut it, shut it.
Hey, matt, can I talk to you for a second?
What's up?
Okayi don't have an answer yet, but this profile doesn't feel right to me.
Your typical pro kidnapper is uneducated, illiterate, and uses basic equipment to communicate.
Uh, dead drops and cb radios.
T high-End voice modulators and digital scramblers.
Our guy is educated, well-Spoken, and calm.
He-He doesn't yell.
I mean, we've heard the kr tapes.
They scream, they yell, they threaten.
For the line about buying the location of the corpse.
No. 
Boilerplate.
It's standard escalation tactic.
It's textbook.
I've read it in a textbook.
It's-It's almost like somebody who studied professional kidnappers.
He didn't say "her corpse.
" He said "the corpse.
" He calls her "the package.
I mean, he should be using her name.
That's what these guys do-- They try and make it personal.
Ey're calling back.
You just tell them I'm willing to give up everything I got.
I can get six million. 
Six million?
I'll convert my stocks, sell my house.
All right. 
Matt, let me take the call.
Please. 
My partner gets a little worked up.
Emily: 
Hello, sir, this is matt's partner.
Where's Matt?
He's standing right next to me. 
Look we have a new number for you be before we present it,
I want a new proof of life.
I already gave you that.
No, you gave me a photo.
I want to hear andrea's voice, and I want to hear it now.
Well, that's going to cost you.
Cut the crap. 
Put her on, or we all go home empty-Handed.
Who is this? 
Who am I?
I'm a professional negotiator, just like you are.
Or were.
Uh, my guess is you worked for one of the big risk management firms,
Maybe as a kr consultant or a field negotiator.
Hang up. 
Shut up.
I'm guessing you're ex-Law or ex-Military-
- Am I right?
You want to know who I am?
That's very simple i'm the man with the leverage.
Yeah, and I'm the woman with your money.
Back off
Listen, sir, I'm really sorry about that, okay?
My partner gets a little worked up.
It's the stress.
Fowler: 
Good-Bye, matt.
Matt: 
Six million, okay?
Six million.
Family doesn't care who you are.
They just want andrea back.
I already told you, nothing below ten.
This is a good number.
Okay?
And you know it.
Please, sir, work with me on this, all right?
Six million.
He's not going to go any higher than that.
He can'T.
Well, matt, we both know that's not true, but I will take it to my people.
When can I expect to hear back from you?
One hour.
Nice.
Thanks.
Okay.
Well, that's new.
It's a variation on a basic standoff strategy.
Aggressive attack to provoke an honest response from a closed subject.
Yeah, followed by an immediate concession to, uh, shake him up a little bit.
Sort of like a slap and a kiss.
I like it.
What's the plan?
I don't like it.
Who knows what else they know about us? 
She was bluffing.
Think about how many kr shops there are worldwide.
We're a needle in a haystack.
And we're about to close this.
Here's how it's going to work.
We talk money, buy time.
Next call, I drop to $9 million.
They'll counter.
Meanwhile, we are checking risk firms, cross-Referencing their roster with our new profile.
Then we send them a piece of the girl and drop to $8 million, which is what we thought we'd get.
Find out who's been fired, who quit, who burned out.
No obvious mutilation, not to start-
- A, uh...
A pinky toe.
They'll pay right away.
I'll do it.
We may need to stall with a down payment.
How much?
How much can you get in the next half hour?
David Lau, you're under arrest.
Drug trafficking, pandering and extortion.
Hey, what the hell is this?
Jamison.
Emily: 
We're in the middle of a ransom negotiation.
Not anymore.
As of this moment, you're op is shot down.
Under whose authority?
The dep justice
The edict's been overruled.
I have authorization to detain Lau until he flips for us.
Gives up his overseas connections.
He gives us names, you resume negotiations, not before.
Go to hell.
We are.
You're coming with.
Wait. 
No, please.
Just-Just not now.
This is extortion.
No, this is hardball.
Emily: 
Hey, lea, listen, it's me. 
Okay?
Listen very carefully.
Get out the way
Matt: 
Great.
Now we're taken hostages.
Listen. 
I'm just as frustrated as you are, but jamison's got justice convinced that Lau's thing is a huge win.
It's the only leverage they got on this guy.
And andrea Lau is collateral damage.
This is just a temporary thing.
I got washington to put a time limit on it.
Jamison's got two hours to crack Lau.
Then we cut him loose, and you're back in business.
In two hours, we could lose her.
Time to eat.
No!
You don't want to starve, do you?
My dad is going to kill you.
You know that your daddy is not a good man, right?
Now, he's taken people, just like I took you.
Just remember that.
You're in this tub because of your father.
If I wasn't cuffed to this table...
You'd what?
I give up those names, my family dies.
My we, my daughter, my relatives back home, dead.
That won't happen.
I will make sure you get out of here to pay the ransom.
Andrea gets home safe and sound.
Everybody goes into witness protection provided you testify.
Or we could just sit here.
'Cause unlike you, I've got all the time in the world.
You okay if I leave you for a second?
Okay.
Be right back.
I'm going to take kim back to the office.
I'm surprised these clowns didn't confiscate her.
Hey, hey, hey, that's not his.
That's ours.
You guys won't be needing it.
I'm kind of sentimental.
Hey, matt, we'll get it later.
What are you, on their side now?
Fighting them is a waste of time.
We're getting a call in 30 minutes, and we've got a job to do.
How are we going to work?
We're shut down.
Well, for starters, we can forward the calls from Lau's phone to our office.
Yeah, that would have been a great idea five minutes ago.
Yeah, thanks. 
That's when I did it.
You are so hot right now.
I know.
We have to tell cheryl, right?
That she'd want plausible deniability?
Considering we're countermanding a D.O.J. Order?
No, she's going to want a heads up on this.
All right, I was afraid you'd say that.
I'll talk to her. 
I know how to handle it.
You want continued negotiations off book?
I want to get the girl back.
Did it ever occur to you that I might be risking my job?
I'm prioritizing.
Remember antoine chandler?
Wh'd you do?
57 hours in, okay?
And maybe another five before we get him to walk out of that house...
Matt, what did you do?
He sends tactical in.
And you got in that huge fight with him right in front of everybody,
'Cause he says antoine's not worth another hour, and-And you call him trigger-Happy, and he's about ready to shoot both of us.
Until antoine suddenly surrendered.
Yeah.
Because we put the mic in my pocket and broadcast the entire fight into his ear.
What's your point?
My point is, is that we did the right thing and it worked.
Maybe work again
Okay.
Uh, so the kidnappers can't raise Lau, and they call fbi hotline and ask for you.
What if, uh, the satellite phone had already been set to forward the calls here?
Did you do that without asking me?
I'm asking you now.
You think you can work around jamison?
Yeah. 
Jamison's already got what he wants.
That was smart.
Smart forwarding the calls before you left.
Yeah that's Emily's.
And yet you kept her out of here.
Well, I didn't want to compromise her image of you.
Yeah.
Next up is abner sestock.
He was just fired from enterprise business risk management last month.
They're out of miami.
So, you're jealous? 
Jealous?
It's just, we've been partners for over a year, dating for three months.
Wouldn't you think I'd know he's afraid of dogs?
Well, she is hot.
Is it just 'cause he said that?
Said what?
Um, the...
Excerpt from kidnap negotiation.
Abner sestok.
Man: 
No, no. 
They don't have that much.
Hey, this is a middle income family.
Exxon's not paying the rent.
Not him.
How can you tell?
It's not what he said it's how he said it.
One down, 1, 200 more to go.
Really?
Wow, that'S...
Who's our go-To guy for interrogations, and I mean, when we really need to crack somebody open?
Uh, we usually get someone from the crisis negotiation unit.
Didn't you say that david Lau's people were into kidnapping?
Among other things, yeah.
Okay, so we're figuring that sir was a negotiator, what if he was the good guy when Lau was the bad guy.
As in Lau kidnapped somebody?
Well, maybe. 
Or, I don't know, ran the operation.
Maybe it wasn't reported.
They could have taken him to mexico.
We wouldn't have followed him there.
In any case, it would be a connection between Lau and...
God, I hate calling him sir.
We're not going to get it out of sir, and right now they're holding Lau where we can't even ask him.
Am I, uh, interrupting something?
No.
Just trying to hack the pay-Per-View channels.
We try it every time we get shut down.
Good 'cause I need to put you to work.
Um, matt.
It's a phone call for you. 
It's show
Uh, what do you need?
Oh, cheryl.
Yeah. 
Transfer that to my desk.
I need an interrogator.
Hello, sir.
Six million didn't fly.
Can we get serious?
Always.
You know how it is.
No, matt. 
How what is?
Hey, flannery, I got a question.
Look, I don't know who you are, okay, but I know what you are.
What I don't get is why you switched sides. 
What happened?
You're working ransom negotiations one day, and you just figure the grass is greener on the other side of the phone?
You know, this might be a public service for you, but for me, it's business.
Nine million.
It's never just business.
Six, three, five.
You want me to interrogate david Lau?
The quicker you give me a name, the sooner you go back to work.
Wow you really love the squeeze play don't you.
It seems to work for me.
Okay.
Let's go.
Sir: 
Let me tell you what I don't get.
Negotiating on behalf of a man you're trying to put away.
Now you say I've switched sides, right?
But our goal is exactly the same.
Matt, I'm offering you a way to bring down David Lau.
Why don't we clean out the son of a bitch together.
Oh, you mean turn you and me into "we, " like negotiation 101?
That's probably not gonna work today.
Yeah, well, neither will stalling for time.
All right, well fine, let's quit dinking around if it's a real number, I'll make it happen.
David: 
What are you, the next wave?
Emily: 
I'm here to show you a way out.
Yeah right, like jameson did.
I'm not like him.
You're all the same.
Look, David, I can help you, but you have to help me.
I'm not giving anyone up.
Okay, then tell me about a kidnapping.
One that you did.
What the hell is she talking about?
This is just about you, you don't have to give anybody else up, but I have to have his name.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Look, jameson's going to be in here any second and we are not going to get another chance.
You have to decide who is more important.
Andrea or you.
All right, one name!
That's all I need. 
That's enough.
Jameson: 
I said, let's go!
If this isn't about my case, I don't want to hear it.
Damn it, ray, it's her only chance.
Oliver tong.
Zolie jung, southern sea shipping company.
Well, you wanted a name...
There's two.
Last may, in los angeles, under order from the mainland.
Emily: 
Oliver tong and zolle jung.
Both work for the south sea shipping company.
Big circle boys wanted south seas to go to work for them, smuggling heroin along the golden triangle.
Cheryl: 
The kidnap and ransom were contracted out to lawnsdale security.
A risk managemenfirm.
The lead negotiator was liam fowler.
Quit lawnsdale security say six months ago.
He wanted a bonus based on the original ransom demand. 
Not what was paid out.
Matt: 
Fowler works with two associates.
British merc named john ross and his secondary's an ex-Marine, michael hendricks.
Hendricks has a girlfriend that lives in the area Kendra Phillips.
The flight attendant, right now on her way to australia.
With a home address in van nuys.
It's the only los angeles conntion between we need to move in within the next hour, or they can all be gone, and Andrea could be dead.
We think the girl's there
We need to move whithin next hour or they can all be gone and Andrea could be dead.
And you all did this...
investigating, on your own?
Because it's good.
Go.
Over here's clear.
Bravo in position.
Man: 
Three tangos in the living room.
Phone is on the coffee table.
Straight angle to the front door.
No, sight of hostage.
We hold, until we verify location.
Yeah, maybe we should give her one, hey?
Oy, darling?
Fancy a little light jager then, eh?
Man: 
Confirm hostage.
There she is.
Man: 
Bathroom off the living room.
She's alive, repeat, she's alive sitting low in a tub.
Feed is live.
Alpha, go.
Alpha in position, make the call. 
Find him up for us.
Someone for Kendra.
Hello there.
Liam home?
It's for you.
FBI !
Fire in the hole!
Fbi, drop your weapon!
Drop the weapon!
Okay, that's what I call a happy ending.
Good to know.
I like that.
And yet I feel a distance between us.
That bad?
It's not that exciting.
I don't care about your dog story.
You don't care about my dog story.
I mean I do, It's just...
I know you and cheryl were partners for a long time.
Come on.
You know that there's stuff that you keep from me.
What do you mean? 
Like personal stuff.
Like guys you were with or some girl you had an experiment with in college or the boy band phase--
Whatever. 
Right?
Am I right?
Yeah, you have secrets.
And you know it.
You don't tell me 'cause you like me.
And not quite sure how I'd react.
Is this some backwards way of saying that you like me?
Not afraid.
I'm just aware.
So, when did you...
Decide to keep secrets from me?
I don't know. 
A couple days after we met.
Something like that.
Matt?
What?
Nothing.
Nothing.

I like that shirt.
Who's staring now?
Oh,it's the same people.
Now I know how lindsay lohan feels.
Well,you're not that drunk.
They're just getting used to it.
They've seen us come in here together a million times...
Just not together together.
Coliments of tactical.
So,how long do you give it?
I don't know; she's pretty smart.
I figure another week.
hey,guys,thanks for the drink.
Hey,you want to join us?
No,uh,we,uh,figured we'd leave you two alone.
We were thinking about spicing it up a little bit,maybe getting a threesome going.
Hi,boss.
Oh,no,come on,no,I just came by to drop off some kudos for our successful negotiation of the bakersfield prison riot.
hey,why don't you join us?
No,no,my days at sloan's are far behind me,thank you.
Come on,none of that "I'm not going to drink with the grunts" crap.
Yeah,exactly-- it wasn't that long ago you used to be one of the grunts.
Good point.
Okay,one drink.
that wasn't even the craziest one.
Oh,no,no.
The craziest one-- we are into a foot chase,running down this alley.
Full-on '70s cop mode,okay?
the perp decides to hop a fence into somebody's backyard.
Right,so matt goes around the front.
I follow him over the fence and drop in front of the most evil,vicious doberman in all of east L.A.
Come on!
You let her go over there alone?
You know how scad he is of dogs.
you're scared of dogs?
No,I'm not scar,I'm mindful.
yeah,right.
He got attacked by a pack of dogs when he was a kid.
You were on your way to what-- the cub scouts,what was... no,little league.
Right,little league!
Right.He got attacked,he's been afraid ever since.
So I'm thinking about that while I'm looking at this doberman,and I start backing into the fence,right?
And right next to me...
Is the guy.
And he looks at me,I look at him,and he's like,"uh,so,uh,I'm ready to negotiate now.
okay,andrea,time's up.
Please,paul.
No more "please,paul.
" I get you home late again,your dad's going to kill me.
yeah
David lau,I have your daughter.
Her driver paul is dead,she is alive.
Do you understand?
I was just... yeah,I understand.
David... listen carefully.
No,you listen.
You don't know who you're talking to.
You hurt her,I swear to god I will kill you and I will have your family killed.
Voice: 
Pacific turtle fund,caiman islands,$12.2 million liquid.
I know exactly who I'm talking to.
You want to see your daughter alive again,you'll pay the ransom in full.
[Organized Crime Ray Jamison]
I'll call back in two hours.
Have the wire ready.
What do we do,ray?
I mean,we have to report this to crisis negotiation,right?
I mean,it's a kidnapping.
They took his kid.
This trumps our case.
Right?
The kidnappers have set a two-hour window every second we continue to argue this,we lose time.
We need to intercede now,take over ransom negotiation.
Losing time?
How about losing a year... of investigation into a major organized crime target?
Ray,how about we take it down a level?
we're on same side here
No,we're on different sides of the same case.
David lau is the los angeles point man for an international criminal enterprise.
I want lau's connections-- toronto,hong kong.
I've chewed my way through two months of red tape to get a legal intercept on the sat phone, and you're telling me to blow our surveillance because someone grabs his kid?
He hasn't even reported a crime!
He won'T.
Crime bosses do not call the cops for help.
It's probably what the kidnappers are counting on.
Ben: 
Enough.xxxx
Ray,and I know you're going to nail this guy,but right now,there's a ten-year-old girl at risk and she's got priority.
So make your surveillance available to the crisis negotiation unit.
I think you're making a mistake.
We'd better get started.
We're losing time.
how close are you?
Five minutes.
David lau has made several calls to known associates for help in the last hour.
You may be walking into a crowded room.
Roger that.
Matt,cheryl was way out in front on this one.
Yeah,always was.
Yeah,you know her pretty well,don't you?
Yeah,well,partners for 12 years.You get to know somebody.
You guys were a great team.
A lot of the research from my training guide was based on some of the cases you worked together.
We never hooked up.
I never said you did.
No,but it'd be a reasonable assumption.
Why,because she knows you're afraid of dogs?
because she is hot
Here we are.
Looks like the gang's all here.
Yeah,literally.
fbi,can we speak to david lau please?
He's not home.
Aah,that's too bad.
Can we come in?
I said,"he's not home.
" Well,I guess you're going to have to tell him we're here anyway.
david lau,we are not here for you.
We are here to help andrea.
Failure to report a kidnapping is a federal offense,even if it's your own daughter that's been taken.
It's the fbi.
How do they know?
Come on,please.
You said this phone couldn't be tapped.
You said it was golden!
Look,we can get a warrant,kim!
But by that time,it's going to be too late.
They... they haven't called back yet.
Can we come in?
Why don't you invite us in?
easy,boys.
Stay right where you are.
Officer: 
Hey,hey,hey,you heard him.
Stay.
Hey,this is my house.
All right,everybody settle down.
Mrs.Lau asked us in.
Listen,we all know what's going on here.
We're not here to arrest or question anyone outside of the kidnapping.
Yeah,we know what you're going through and we know how to help, so why don't you give us the phone and let us take the next call?
David,please,just let them help.
I need to talk to my wife alone for a minute.
Well,you've got two.
That's not our deadline.
So,you guys,all just... friends of the fam,right?
I'm sorry.I want her back.
I don't care what happens to us.
I told you I'm taking care of it.
How?
This is a move against me,kim.
I know who did this.
Who?
You mean someone you know?
I'm going to get her back and not to fbi.
I'm taking care of it,okay?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I let them in.
It's okay.
They're not going to stop me.
I'll use them and buy time.
the call's coming in.
Step back.
that's right decision hello?
Voice: 
Who is this?
This is matt.Who's this?
put dad on the phone.
No,you don't get dad.
You don't get mom,you don't get anything without talking to me.
You a cop?
Fbi,which means I should inform you that kidnapping for profit in the united states is a ticket to the death penalty.
You return andrea,that's one less headache you have to worry about.
He sends the money,or the girl dies.
She gets hurt,you get nothing.
that's it.
We were running a trace.
Which we are.Lea?
No trace.
The guy's using a scrambler and a high-end voice modulator.
All right,well,which one can you crack first?
Gun to my head?
The voice.
I could isolate the algorithms,see if I could score a print.
xxx
Right.Sorry.
How do you know he'll call back?
The thing he's made most clear
I want you to give these guys their space to work.
We'll call you later.
that's better.
You have no idea who's behind this.
No,not yet.
We're kind of hoping you might.
xxx
And you seem to know some pretty tough people,so chances are you might know someone who'd like to hurt you?
I own a chain of laundromats.
Well,maybe a rival laundromat is trying to,uh,muscle you out of the fluff-and-fold business.
Excuse me.
Yeah.
Try and remember he's the victim here.
Matt: 
He's not acting like it.
Well,he's not going to tell us who his enemies are.We're one of them.
I mean,they've got to have a classified file on him.
No,forget that.We'd have to go through ray jamison.
That's the guy whose case we deep-sixed coming down here.
I don't think he's going to give us squat.
i need you help
My team has inserted themselves into the ransom negotiations,and we're trying to get a line on the kidnappers.
Now,we think it's someone lau knows.
And so you need my files and all my casework?
I could probably sacrifice a couple of informants if you'd like to.
I could go straight to hilton, have him order you to turn over all your assets,but I'd rather save you the embarrassment and me the time.
So I'm asking you,directly and discreetly.
Case number and my password.
Thank you.
No.Thank you.
You're absolutely right.
give me dick lanstate at the department of justice,and tell them to pull him out of whatever he's doing.
According to the o.C.D.The big circle boys have natural competitors, but not a lot of rivals,and they work closely with other gangs.
xxxx
Cheryl: 
Not likely.They're all super loyal.
Matt: 
What about someone who used to be inside?
Is there anyone on the discard pile who got kicked off the roster?
Lea: 
Russell tze.
Suspect,multiple homicides.
Cheryl: 
Used to muscle for lau until they had a falling out about two years ago.
Left bcb to form his own outfit.
For these guys,getting fired is worse than getting whacked.
So,he'd have motive,and he'd know about the offshore account.
Cheryl: 
Frank?
You want us to roll on him?
I want you to wait and watch until you can confirm that the girl is in pocket.
keep him on the phone for us.
Yeah.
this is matt.
Voice: 
Hello,matt.
Let's try this again.
Matt: 
Hey,thanks for calling back.
You're doing the right thing.
So,you know my name.
What should I call you?
call me sir
Yes,sir.
I don't buy lau calling the fbi.
You had him on satellite surveillance,am I right?
That's a fair assumption,sir.
Yeah,I'm in position.
We got vehicles out front.
There's no visible sentries.
I got second floor greasy windows.
Possible objective.
How about we sneak a gps on one of those cars?
Get arsems to track them so we don't have to worry about keeping a tail if we need to follow.
Arsems,huh?
You just want an excuse to call that mathers chick,don't you?
What can I say,man?
She likes me.
Looks like they went and got bigger guns.
They must be thinking the same thing we are.
Not good.
Man,what's the call?
Let's make this simple.We talk money,or we don't talk.
Are you authorized to represent the family or not?
What does he mean?
He means,can we bargain with your money?
No.
What?
No.
We're not talking money until we get proof of life.
I want to hear andrea.
I want to see her.
Fair enough.
5179 hudson.
Check the mail.
We'll talk in one hour.
5179 hudson.
Damn it.
We're on hudson.
Shoot me,bitch.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't believe you.
Fbi.
Drop 'em!
Where's the girl,russell?
What girl?
David lau's working with the fbi now?
What the hell's going on?
Don't touch the mailbox!
it's pol's
what?
!
What?
yeah.
Just busted your boys trying to take out russell tze.
Apparently we both came to the same conclusion.
I think it's fair we're both wrong.
Yeah.
xxx
Lab confirms.
It's definitely an instant photo,not digital.
It has not been altered in any way.
thanks
So,what do you think?
I think they've done this before,I think they're pros.
xxx
It's big business in latin america,asia.
Half a billion dollars a year big.
Why haven't I heard of this?
Ask your husband.
His friends overseas like to dabble in it from time to time.
Emily: 
Sometimes the goal is terror.
Sometimes politics,but mostly,it's money.
xxx
Is that this is california,it's not columbia.
Well,sure,your typical kr targets a-a business exec with a fat insurance policy, but david's different,because david's not going to call the cops.
He doesn't want to report the theft.
So... what do we do?
Emily: 
They call back in a half hour,we say we pay them the 12 million.
we can't
What do you mean you can't?
What do you mean you can't?
This is andrea.
It's not my money.
Do you understand?
I touch it,and we're dead.
We're never gonna be safe.
Emily: 
It's okay.
You're not expected to come up with the first number that they ask for.
They're going to start high,and then work their way down.
But now,some of that money's got to be yours.
How much?
One,five.
All right,one point five.
Yeah,I can get him there.
I can get him there.
there he is.
All right.
Ready?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Sir: 
Are we ready to talk yet?
Oh,we're ready to talk.
We're going to be talking english,though.
See,when you say to me $12.2 million,to me that's klingon.
I haven't heard a better number.
Matt: 
Better number would be seven,as in,uh,$700,000, which,if you think about it--
$700,000 won't buy you the location of the corpse.
$12.2.Million.
Matt: 
Yeah,well,david lau's not as rich as you seem to think he is.
Matt: 
The money in that account-- that's not his.
Sir: 
That's his problem.
Below $10 million.
Man: 
Hey,fowler?
What?
I already said what.
You want out of the deal,there's the door.
We agreed if there was heat, this is good heat.
Fbi talker's a pro.
Negotiator.
It's his job to make this work.
He won't let emotion get in the way.
Shut it,shut it.
Hey,matt,can I talk to you for a second?
What's up?
Okayi don't have an answer yet,but this profile doesn't feel right to me.
Your typical pro kidnapper is uneducated,illiterate,and uses basic equipment to communicate.
Uh,dead drops and cb radios.
T high-end voice modulators and digital scramblers.
Our guy is educated,well-spoken,and calm.
He-he doesn't yell.
I mean,we've heard the kr tapes.
They scream,they yell,they threaten.
For the line about buying the location of the corpse.
No.Boilerplate.
It's standard escalation tactic.
It's textbook.
I've read it in a textbook.
It's-it's almost like somebody who studied professional kidnappers.
He didn't say "her corpse.
" He said "the corpse.
" He calls her "the package.
I mean,he should be using her name.
That's what these guys do-- they try and make it personal.
Ey're calling back.
You just tell them I'm willing to give up everything I got.
I can get six million.
Six million?
I'll convert my stocks,sell my house.
All right.
Matt,let me take the call.
Please.My partner gets a little worked up.
Emily: 
Hello,sir,this is matt's partner.
xxxx
I want a new proof of life.
I already gave you that.
No,you gave me a photo.
I want to hear andrea's voice,and I want to hear it now.
Well,that's going to cost you.
Cut the crap.Put her on,or we all go home empty-handed.
Who is this?
Who am I?
I'm a professional negotiator,just like you are.
Or were.
Uh,my guess is you worked for one of the big risk management firms, maybe as a kr consultant or a field negotiator.
Hang up.
shut up.
I'm guessing you're ex-law or ex-military-- am I right?
You want to know who I am?
xxx
Yeah,and I'm the woman with your money.
back off
Listen,sir,I'm really sorry about that,okay?
My partner gets a little worked up.
It's the stress.
Fowler: 
Good-bye,matt.
Matt: 
Six million,okay?
Six million.
Family doesn't care who you are.
They just want andrea back.
I already told you,nothing below ten.
This is a good number.
Okay?
And you know it.
Please,sir,work with me on this,all right?
Six million.
He's not going to go any higher than that.
He can'T.
well,matt,we both know that's not true,but I will take it to my people.
When can I expect to hear back from you?
One hour.
nice.
Thanks.
Okay.
Well,that's new.
xxx
Aggressive attack to provoke an honest response from a closed subject.
Yeah,followed by an immediate concession to,uh,shake him up a little bit.
Sort of like a slap and a kiss.
I like it.
What's the plan?
I don't like it.
xxx
Think about how many kr shops there are worldwide.
We're a needle in a haystack.
And we're about to close this.
Here's how it's going to work.
We talk money,buy time.
Next call,I drop to $9 million.
They'll counter.
Meanwhile,we are checking risk firms,cross-referencing their roster with our new profile.
Then we send them a piece of the girl and drop to $8 million,which is what we thought we'd get.
Find out who's been fired,who quit,who burned out.
No obvious mutilation,not to start-- a,uh... a pinky toe.
They'll pay right away.
I'll do it.
We may need to stall with a down payment.
How much?
How much can you get in the next half hour?
David lau,you're under arrest.
Drug trafficking,pandering and extortion.
Hey,what the hell is this?
Jamison.
Emily: 
We're in the middle of a ransom negotiation.
Not anymore.
As of this moment,you're op is shot down.
Under whose authority?
the dep justice
The edict's been overruled.
I have authorization to detain lau until he flips for us.
Gives up his overseas connections.
He gives us names,you resume negotiations,not before.
Go to hell.
We are.
You're coming with.
Wait.No,please.
Just-just not now.
This is extortion.
No,this is hardball.
Emily: 
Hey,lea,listen,it's me.Okay?
Listen very carefully.
get out the way
Matt: 
Great.
Now we're taken hostages.
Listen.I'm just as frustrated as you are,but jamison's got justice convinced that lau's thing is a huge win.
It's the only leverage they got on this guy.
And andrea lau is collateral damage.
xxx
I got washington to put a time limit on it.
Jamison's got two hours to crack lau.
Then we cut him loose,and you're back in business.
In two hours,we could lose her.
time to eat.
No!
You don't want to starve,do you?
My dad is going to kill you.
You know that your daddy is not a good man,right?
Now,he's taken people,just like I took you.
Just remember that.
You're in this tub because of your father.
If I wasn't cuffed to this table... you'd what?
I give up those names,my family dies.
My we,my daughter,my relatives back home,dead.
That won't happen.
I will make sure you get out of here to pay the ransom.
Andrea gets home safe and sound.
Everybody goes into witness protection provided you testify.
or we could just sit here.
'Cause unlike you,I've got all the time in the world.
You okay if I leave you for a second?
Okay.
Be right back.
I'm going to take kim back to the office.
I'm surprised these clowns didn't confiscate her.
Hey,hey,hey,that's not his.
That's ours.
You guys won't be needing it.
I'm kind of sentimental.
Hey,matt,we'll get it later.
What are you,on their side now?
Fighting them is a waste of time.
We're getting a call in 30 minutes,and we've got a job to do.
How are we going to work?
We're shut down.
Well,for starters,we can forward the calls from lau's phone to our office.
Yeah,that would have been a great idea five minutes ago.
Yeah,thanks.That's when I did it.
You are so hot right now.
I know.
We have to tell cheryl,right?
That she'd want plausible deniability?
Considering we're countermanding a D.O.J. Order?
No,she's going to want a heads up on this.
all right,I was afraid you'd say that.
I'll talk to her.I know how to handle it.
You want continued negotiations off book?
I want to get the girl back.
Did it ever occur to you that I might be risking my job?
I'm prioritizing.
Remember antoine chandler?
Wh'd you do?
57 hours in,okay?
And maybe another five before we get him to walk out of that house... matt,what did you do?
He sends tactical in.
And you got in that huge fight with him right in front of everybody, 'cause he says antoine's not worth another hour,and-and you call him trigger-happy,and he's about ready to shoot both of us.
Until antoine suddenly surrendered.
Yeah.
Because we put the mic in my pocket and broadcast the entire fight into his ear.
What's your point?
My point is,is that we did the right thing and it worked.
maybe work again
Okay.
Uh,so the kidnappers can't raise lau,and they call fbi hotline and ask for you.
What if,uh,the satellite phone had already been set to forward the calls here?
Did you do that without asking me?
I'm asking you now.
You think you can work around jamison?
Yeah.Jamison's already got what he wants.
That was smart.
Smart forwarding the calls before you left.
xxx
And yet you kept her out of here.
Well,I didn't want to compromise her image of you.
Yeah.
Next up is abner sestock.
He was just fired from enterprise business risk management last month.
They're out of miami.
So,you're jealous?
Jealous?
It's just,we've been partners for over a year,dating for three months.
Wouldn't you think I'd know he's afraid of dogs?
Well,she is hot.
is it just 'cause he said that?
Said what?
Um,the... excerpt from kidnap negotiation.
Abner sestok.
Man: 
No,no.They don't have that much.
Hey,this is a middle income family.
Exxon's not paying the rent.
Not him.
How can you tell?
xxx
One down,1,200 more to go.
Really?
Wow,that'S... who's our go-to guy for interrogations,and I mean,when we really need to crack somebody open?
Uh,we usually get someone from the crisis negotiation unit.
didn't you say that david lau's people were into kidnapping?
Among other things,yeah.
Okay,so we're figuring that sir was a negotiator,as in lau kidnapped somebody?
xxx
Well,maybe.Or,I don't know,ran the operation.
xxxx
Maybe it wasn't reported.
They could have taken him to mexico.We wouldn't have followed him there.
In any case,it would be a connection between lau and... god,I hate calling him sir.
We're not going to get it out of sir,and right now they're holding lau where we can't even ask him.
am I,uh,interrupting something?
No.
xxx
We try it every time we get shut down.
xxxx
Um,matt.
It's a phone call for you.it's show
Uh,what do you need?
oh,cheryl.
Yeah.Transfer that to my desk.
xxx
Hello,sir.
Six million didn't fly.
Can we get serious?
Always.
You know how it is.
No,matt.How what is?
Hey,flannery,I got a question.
Look,I don't know who you are,okay,but I know what you are.
What I don't get is why you switched sides.What happened?
You're working ransom negotiations one day,and you just figure the grass is greener on the other side of the phone?
You know,this might be a public service for you,but for me,it's business.
Nine million.
It's never just business.
Six,three,five.
You want me to interrogate david lau?
The quicker you give me a name,the sooner you go back to work.
xxx
It seems to work for me.
Okay.
Let's go.
Sir: 
Let me tell you what I don't get.
Negotiating on behalf of a man you're trying to put away.
xxx
But our goal is exactly the same.
Matt,I'm offering you a way to bring down david lau.
Why don't we clean out the son of a bitch together.
Oh,you mean turn you and me into "we," like negotiation 101?
xxxx
Yeah,well,neither will stalling for time.
All right,well fine,let's quit dinking around if it's a real number,I'll make it happen.
David: 
What are you,the next wave?
Emily: 
I'm here to show you a way out.
Yeah right,like jameson did.
I'm not like him.
You're all the same.
Look,david,I can help you,but you have to help me.
I'm not giving anyone up.
Okay,then tell me about a kidnapping.
One that you did.
What the hell is she talking about?
This is just about you,you don't have to give anybody else up,but I have to have his name.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Look,jameson's going to be in here any second and we are not going to get another chance.
You have to decide who is more important.
Andrea or you.
All right,one name!
That's all I need.
That's enough.
Jameson: 
I said,let's go!
If this isn't about my case,I don't want to hear it.
Damn it,ray,it's her only chance.
Oliver tong.
Zolie jung,southern sea shipping company.
Well,you wanted a name...
There's two.
Last may,in los angeles,under order from the mainland.
Emily: 
Oliver tong and zolle jung.
Both work for the south sea shipping company.
Big circle boys wanted south seas to go to work for them,smuggling heroin along the golden triangle.
Cheryl: 
The kidnap and ransom were contracted out to lawnsdale security.
A risk managemenfirm.
The lead negotiator was liam fowler.
Quit lawnsdale security say six months ago.
xxxxxNot what was paid out.
Matt: 
Fowler works with two associates.
British merc named john ross and his secondary's an ex-marine,michael hendricks.
xxx
The flight attendant,right now on her way to australia.
With a home address in van nuys.
It's the only los angeles conntion between we need to move in within the next hour,or they can all be gone,and andrea could be dead.
we think the girl's there xxx
And you all did this...investigating,on your own?
Because it's good.
Go.
Over here's clear.
Bravo in position.
Man: 
Three tangos in the living room.
Phone is on the coffee table.
Straight angle to the front door.
No,sight of hostage.
We hold,until we verify location.
Yeah,maybe we should give her one,hey?
Oy,darling?
Fancy a little light jager then,eh?
Man: 
Confirm hostage.
There she is.
Man: 
Bathroom off the living room.
She's alive,repeat,she's alive sitting low in a tub.
Feed is live.
Alpha,go.
Alpha in position,make thcall.
xxxxxx
Hello there.
Liam home?
It's for you.
xxxx
fire in the hole!
Fbi,drop your weapon!
Drop the weapon!
Okay,that's what i call a happy ending.
Good to know.
I like that.
And yet I feel a distance between us.
That bad?
It's not that exciting.
I don't care about your dog story.
You don't care about my dog story.
i mean i do,It's just... i know you and cheryl were partners for a long time.
Come on.
You know that there's stuff that you keep from me.
What do you mean?
Like personal stuff.
Like guys you were with or some girl you had an experiment with in college or the boy band phase-- whatever.
Right?
Am I right?
Yeah,you have secrets.
And you know it.
You don't tell me 'cause you like me.
And not quite sure how I'd react.
Is this some backwards way of saying that you like me?
Not afraid.
I'm just aware.
So,when did you... decide to keep secrets from me?
I don't know.A couple days after we met.
Something like that.
Matt?
What?
Nothing.
Nothing.

A third of the land on our planet is desert.
These great scars on the face of the Earth appear to be lifeless, but surprisingly none are.
In all of them life manages somehow to keep a precarious hold.
Not all deserts are hot.
Fifty-mile-an-hour winds blowing in from Siberia bring snow to the Gobi Desert in Mongolia.
From a summer high of 50 degrees centigrade the temperature in midwinter can drop to minus 40, making this one of the harshest deserts of all.
Few animals can survive these extreme changes.
Wild Bactrian camels, one of the rarest mammals on the planet.
And perhaps the hardiest.
Their biggest problem is the lack of water, particularly now, in winter, when the little there is is locked up as ice.
Surprisingly, snow here never melts.
The air is just too cold and too dry for it to do so.
The sun's rays turn it straight into vapour.
It evaporates.
But it is the only source of water, so Bactrian camels eat it.
Elsewhere in the world a camel at a waterhole can drink as much as 200 litres during a single visit.
Here the strategy is to take little and often.
And with good reason, for filling the stomach with snow could be fatal.
The camels must limit themselves to the equivalent of just 10 litres a day.
Winter is the time for breeding.
This extraordinary performance is a male Bactrian camel's way of attracting the attention of a passing female.
In summer the camels can't stray far from waterholes.
But now, with mouthfuls of snow lying everywhere they can travel widely in search of mates.
Today less than a thousand of these desert specialists remain in the wild.
The Gobi, hostile though it is, is their last stronghold.
There's no other desert quite like the Gobi, but why is this place a desert?
There is one simple and massive cause - the Himalayas.
Clouds blowing from the south hit this gigantic barrier.
As they're forced upwards so they empty their moisture on the mountain slopes, leaving little for the land on the other side.
From the space deserts are very conspicuous.
Dunes of sand hundreds of miles long streak their surface.
With no cloak of vegetation to conceal them strange formations are exposed in the naked rock.
Africa's Sahara is the largest desert of all.
It's the size of the United States and the biggest source of sand and dust in the entire world.
Sandstorms like these appear without warning and reduce visibility for days over areas the size of Britain.
Dromedaries, single-humped camels, take these storms in their stride.
The heaviest sand rises only a few metres above the ground, but the dust can be blown 5,000 metres up into the sky.
The ferocious wind, armed with grains of sand, is the agent that shapes all deserts.
Reptiles have armoured scaly skins that protect them from the stinging grains.
For insects the bombardment can be very severe indeed.
The only escape is below the surface.
As the winds rise and fall, swallow and eddy so they pile the sand into dunes.
These sand scenes can be hundreds of miles across.
In Namibia the winds have built some of the biggest dunes in the world.
Star dunes like these can be 300 metres high.
Grains, swept up the flanks, are blown off the crests of the ridges so it's only the tops that are moving.
The main body of these dunes may not have shifted for 5,000 years.
Few rocks can resist the continuous blast of the sand carrying wind.
These outcrops are standing in Egypt's White Desert.
But they will not do so for much longer.
They're being inexorably chiseled away and turned into more sand.
Now lumps of heavily eroded rocks have been marooned in a sea of sand.
These jagged pyramids a hundred metres tall were once part of a continuous rocky plateau.
The blasting sand will eventually eliminate them altogether.
The relentless power of the wind ensures that the face of a desert is continually changing.
But there is one constant presence -
the desert sun.
The sun's heat and power to evaporate water has had a profound effect on the bodies and habits of everything that lives here.
This sun potentially is a killer.
And the red kangaroos must acknowledge that.
Right now, while the sun is low, there's no immediate cause for concern.
But this situation won't last long.
Australia is the world's most arid continent with blistering daytime temperatures.
Every hour the temperature rises by five degrees centigrade.
Soon the heat will reach a critical point.
Any kangaroo out in the open is in serious danger of overheating.
In the full sun the temperature on the ground soars to 70 degrees.
By midday the radiation is so intense they must take shelter.
In the shade they're shielded from much of the sun's energy but their body temperature can still rise.
So they lick saliva on to their forearms where there is a network of blood vessels close to the surface of the skin and, as the saliva evaporates, their blood is cooled.
This thermal image shows just how effective the process is.
The blue areas on the body are the cooler parts.
As the saliva dries it has to be replaced and this is a real drain on the kangaroo's body fluids.
Even in the shade the earth is baking hot so the kangaroos dig away the warmed topsoil to get at the cooler ground beneath.
By staying in the shade and licking to control their body temperature kangaroos manage to get through the hottest part of the day without heat stroke.
But for the majority of desert animals this strategy would not be enough for survival.
The extraordinary ears of the fennec foxes of Africa radiate heat but the animals have another way of keeping cool.
They spend their days underground and only emerge at sunset.
Darkness brings huge changes.
In the Sahara the temperature can drop as much as 30 degrees during the night, so it's cool enough to allow these desert fox cubs to play.
All sorts of creatures now appear including some really unexpected ones.
Toads have permeable skins and would quickly die from desiccation out in the daytime heat.
It's only now that they can leave shelter.
The same is true for scorpions, even though their shells are actually watertight.
In fact, most small desert creatures are nocturnal.
so it's only now that you can judge just how much life there can be in the desert.
But moisture, lost even at night, has to be replaced sometime somehow and that problem dominates the lives of all desert dwellers.
The Atacama in Chile.
This is the driest desert in the world.
Some parts may not see rain for fifty years and with such a record you'd expect the place to be completely barren.
These are South America's camels, guanacos.
They're very good at conserving moisture but they nonetheless need a regular supply of water.
They get it partly from cactus flowers but that explanation raises another question.
How do the cacti survive without rain?
Hot winds suck all the moisture from the surface of the land.
Clearly there must be something else that takes the place of rain.
The secret is a cold sea current that runs parallel to the land.
The cold water cools the moist warm air above it and that produces banks of fog.
At the same time wind blowing on to the shore sweeps the fog inland.
Before long the cacti are dripping with dew.
The fog is so regular that moisture loving lichens are able to grow on the cacti and they absorb liquid like a sponge.
In the land of almost no rain these precious drops are life-savers for many different creatures.
Further inland the air remains so warm that its moisture does not condense so this slender strip of desert is virtually the only part of the Atacama where life can exist.
Without the fog, this land, too, would be empty.
The guanacos make the most of the dew but it will not remain for long.
In an hour or two the sun will have burnt it off and dry the surface of the cacti.
The Sonoran desert in Arizona is not quite so dry as the Atacama - some rain does fall.
But it is infrequent and when it does arrive animals and plants have to be ready to make the most of it.
And it's coming.
When the summer monsoon blows in the giant saguaros, one of the biggest of all cacti, are ready to take full advantage of it.
After a rainstorm the saguaro's long shallow root system sucks up the water and the pleats on its trunk enable it to expand rapidly.
When full, a saguaro stem can store up to five tonnes of water and that's enough to see it through many months of drought.
The trunks of these huge plants provide homes for the gila woodpecker.
But birds are not the only animals to benefit from the presence of the cacti.
During four weeks of the summer the saguaros bloom at night to attract visitors.
The pollen and nectar with which these flowers are loaded attract long-nosed and long-tongued bats.
The bats left Mexico a few days earlier to escape the heat of summer and are on their way north to the southern United States.
To get there, they have to cross the Sonoran desert.
But the desert is so big that for most of the year they would be unable to cross it.
Now, with the saguaro in bloom, they can refuel on the way.
So the saguaro's success in developing a way to store water is now crucial to most of the animals that live or even travel through this land.
The scarcity of rain determined the shape of this icon of the desert but water, scarce thought it is, has also, like the wind, shaped the land itself.
In the deserts of Utah ancient rivers flowing across sandstone country steadily widen their canyons until now the land between them has been reduced to spires and pinnacles.
With little or no soil to retain the water on the surface of the land life here is scarce indeed.
And when resources are limited, conflict is never far away.
These are Nubian ibex and they are squaring up for a duel.
And when trouble starts, a smart ibex knows that the best thing to do is to gain higher ground.
These are actually subordinate male ibex, but their fights are nonetheless serious.
Losing one might mean never getting the chance to breed ever.
When competitors are evenly matched as they are here, duels can last for an hour.
In this heat the effort is trully exhausting.
But victory here will gain important ranking points on a male's way to the top.
There's so much at stake that not all play fair.
The battle has produced the winner, but the ultimate prize is not his yet.
That currently belongs to the dominant male ibex.
His rank earns him the loyalty of a harem of females and they follow him closely as he travels across this desert searching for foof and water.
He doesn't have to waste time looking for mates - they're his for the taking, so he can concentrate with them on keeping fit and healthy.
Lizards are desert specialists.
But here, their numbers are extraordinary.
These crevices in South Africa contain the highest density of lizards in the world.
They're called flat lizards for obvious reasons, and they flaunt their multi-coloured bellies in territorial disputes.
He's made his point, and now it's time to find some food.
As the day warms up, the lizards move away from their cracks and head down to the bottom of the gorge.
Their goal is the river.
There is no food at the edge, but this desert river holds a secret.
Each day blackfly rise from turbulent stretches of the river.
This is what the lizards have come for.
The black fly never land, so the lizards have to leap for their food.
In one day each of these acrobatic little lizards may catch 50 flies.
There are plenty of flies to go round, even with hundreds of lizards competing for them.
Away from these rapids flat lizard populations are found much smaller numbers.
But here one unusual abundance has produced another.
Deserts are created by the lack of water, but what actually kills animals here is not heat or thirst, but lack of food.
So how on earth does a plant-eater this size survive in a place apparently totally devoid of vegetation?
Elephants in Namibia are the toughest in Africa.
And they need to be.
What little food exists is so dispersed that these elephants walk up to 50 miles a day as they travel up the dry river channels searching for something to eat.
At times the task looks truly helpless.
Elephants may seem out of place in this landscape, but they're not the only ones.
Amazingly, lions live here, too.
In savanah country huge herds of games support prides containing 20 lions or more.
But to live here lions have had to change their habits - prides are much smaller and their home ranges are very much bigger.
And there's an added problem - their food is always on the move.
Like the elephants, the lions must travel great distances to find enough to live on.
But lions can't go everywhere - they won't attempt to cross this field of sand dunes and the oryx know it.
The lions must wait for the oryx to leave the safety of the dunes, which eventually they must to find food and water.
And then the lions will ambush them.
The elephants have found some of their favourite food.
Grasses are the staple diet of all elephants, but this herd concentrates on digging up the roots, which have more nutrition and moisture than the stems.
It's the sort of behaviour that can make all the difference in a place of serious shortages.
Yet all this can change in an instant.
The fortunes of many deserts are ruled by distant rains.
This water fell as rain in mountains more than a hundred miles away.
It's known as a flash flood and called that because the water may run for just a single day.
It's an event that only happens once or twice a year at the most.
The sandy riverbed acts like a giant strip of blotting paper sucking up the water as soon as it appears.
But every square metre of soil moistened by this river will increase the chances of survival for those that live here.
Waterholes are filled temprorarily.
Elsewhere in Africa elephants drink every day, but the lack of water here means that desert elephants can only refill their tanks once every four or five days.
Within a week the flash flood has produced a flush of green, more than enough to draw the oryx out of the dunes.
It's a rare chance for them to build up their food reserves.
The flood has made life easier for the lions, too.
The flesh of this oryx will keep the family going for a week at the most.
But for a while the hunting will be easier, now that river channel has turned green.
The good times for lions and oryx are brief, but these are the short moments that make it possible to live in deserts the year round.
Death Valley is the hottest place on Earth.
Yet even this furnace can be transformed by water.
A single shower can enable seeds that have lain dormant for 30 years or more to burst into life.
And there hasn't been a bloom like this one for a century.
The periods of boom in Death Valley are short.
but they're just frequent enough to keep life ticking over.
A sudden flush of vegetation is what every desert dweller waits for, and when it happens they must make the most of it.
There is no other species on the planet that responds as quickly and as dramatically to the good times as the desert locust.
Eggs that have remained in the ground for 20 years begin to hatch.
The young locusts are known as hoppers, for at this stage they're flightless.
They find new feeding grounds by following the smell of sprouting grass.
Normally it takes four weeks for hoppers to become adults, but when the conditions are right as now their development switches to the fast track.
As the vegetation in one place begins to run out the winged adults release pheromones - scent messages, which tell others in the group that they must move on.
And when groups merge, they form a swarm.
An adult locust eats its entire body weight every day, and a whole swarm can consume literally hundreds of tonnes of vegetation.
They have to keep on moving.
The swarm travels with the wind - it's the most energy-saving way of flying.
Following the flow of wind means that they're always heading toward areas of low pressure, places where wind meets rain and vegetation starts to grow.
As they fly, swarms join up with other swarms to form gigant­­­ic plagues several billions strong and as much as 40 miles wide.
They will consume every edible thing that lies in their path.
This is one of planet Earth's greatest spectacles.
It's rarely seen on this scale and it won't last long.
Once the food is gone, the steady roar of a billion beating locust wings will once again be replaced by nothing more than the sound of the desert wind.

ARGONAUTS PRODUCTIONS present
A film by EFI MOURIKI VLADIMIROS KYRIAKIDIS
Honey?
Honey!
Which one matches the best?
Which one?
As if you don't know...
Quit nagging and tell me which tie to wear.
The polka dot one of course!
What would you do without me?
Now, I'm with you so tie it please.
You still can't do it yourself after 20 years.
Stop nagging, love!
You're such a dud!
Dad?
Yes, son?
You still haven't left?
You'll be late.
So you found your way back!
Feet off the table!
I've told you a million times!
Andreas called.
-Andreas who?
-Our neighbor's son!
-You've swept him off his feet!
-He's a heartbreaker like me.
Always taking the credit!
-So, you won't come at the wedding?
-To see all our relatives?
Why don't I take a dive in a pool of acid, instead?
What a joker...
I wish you all the same happiness.
-Quit that cell phone for a moment!
-Calm down...
See? 
Our good son won't even come to the reception.
Ok, so what?
If he comes, we'll see him.
How clever, Sherlock!
"THE MAYOR AND HER WIFE ATTENDED THE OPENING..."
What's up?
Cool, how are you?
Well-well, you came?
No, I came to tell you that I'm coming.
What a joker...
Your attention, please.
I am deeply moved...
I'll be brief.
My wife and I want to thank you for attending our children's joyful union.
So, your honeymoon trip is on us.
And now, let's dance!
Want to dance?
I hope our son will be next to marry.
Wake up, these salads go on 2.
Hello!
So... 
Take them where they belong, come on!
I'm sorry...
Like to go for a drink after work?
Want to go for a drink, after work?
No, I'm going home.
-For a bite?
-No...
For a movie?
No.
Your loss...
-Goodnight, i'll see you tomorrow.
-Goonight.
Yiannis?
-Tomorrow night...
-Goodnight, bye...
Goodnight.
Sofia... 
Want to go for a drink?
I can't, Zeta is coming to take me home.
-Our date is still on, right?
-Our date?
Come on, Sofia!
We were supposed to go shopping for my dad's birthday present.
Thanks for reminding me, I totally forgot about it.
Baby! 
Give me a minute to park the car.
Now, I don't see us going home, Yiannis. 
Goodnight.
-Baby,why are you doing this to me?
-What did I do?
-You're upsetting me.
-And you didn't even ask if I'm ok.
I hear you.
Ok, I'm coming over.
That bitch, that cow!
That double bag...
That pig face!
Her wife fools around...
And she's so fat, fat...
Baby, stop it!
-I feel sick, Stella.
-Teachers shouldn't talk like that.
Let her be. 
She was fired from the kindergarten.
-What?
-It's a synonym for nursery...
Because she didn't play with the other kids...
Shut up, smart ass!
Guys, will someone tell me why she was given the sack?
Someone told the principal that I'm straight.
Stop it! 
Do the kids mind if I sleep with men?
Listen...
"Poor teaching skills".
What a liar!
Do I look like a sofa?
You should sue her.
-And the media will feast on me!
-It'll do the same to her, right?
Quotes from Che Guevara, defender of the straight nation.
What's your problem?
-You got a problem?
-No, do you?
-Are you sure?
-Definitely! 
And you?
You got a problem cause you're still in the closet but you're lecturing this spring flower...
-What good did it do to you?
-I told my parents I haven't heard from them It's 4 years now and I feel great!
Indeed, you're glowing!
-We were talking about Stella.
-How can they be so square?
I don't know, but in the USA there are no discriminations.
-Big deal, Maria and her US of A. 
-Really, this is preposterous!
Baby, we'll marry in the Netherlands and you'll be fine.
I scored! 
Goal!
No, I was distracted.
Stella!
Yeah! 
I sleep with men!
Anybody's got a problem with that?
Me, you pervert, I want to sleep!
Something like that?
-Is that a necklace?
-No, underwear...
It won't be comfortable during her period.
-What about that?
-No, no... too provocative.
I'll take a look around myself.
Not my size.
Iakovos... 
Haven't I told you not to come here?
I wanted to see you.
You didn't call.
-I have problems.
-With your husband? 
Divorce him!
Keep your voice down!
I can't take it anymore.
I cannot come second in your life.
Look at me...
What do you see?
A baby...
Trapped in a man's body.
You see a married man, and this is not going to change.
This is not what you said in the beginning.
All beginnings come to an end, ok?
How can I forget your eloquence?
Sweet man-child of mine...
Can you please shut up?
You and I we're not through yet...
Really nice...
You'll enjoy it to the fullest.
He's a friend of an old son's of mine...
The son of an old friend of mine.
That's your choice, right?
Good, you'll enjoy it, indeed.
"BEND OVER, MOMMA."
Bend over, what?
What "momma"? 
What is this now?
-Hello, Yiannis!
-Hello!
Zeta... 
You've come as well...
No work today?
It's Monday, salon's closed!
Right... 
The car's ok?
Ask me next week.
Shopping is much better than any therapy.
We came to help Yiannis find a gift for his dad.
Won't we buy a little something for us, too?
It won't take long, right, Yiannis?
-That was to shut her up.
-How can I say no?
Your taste is my guide!
What do you think?
It's perfect!
Your father's gift!
I can't believe it!
My son's cuddling pussy!
"Bend over, momma"!
Porn with women!
So my son's a pervert?
I'll kill him! 
You hear me?
-Don't be so brutal.
-I know how to treat him, ok?
These subjects are really delicate.
-What? 
This "momma"?
-Ok, I take it back...
You'll see what'll happen when he comes back.
He's coming, quick! 
Sit down...
Give me that...
Well, isn't that our son...
How are you my boy?
-Fine.
-What's this bag?
-What bag?
-That one.
The bag!
It's a tie... for you.
For me...
Did I forget my birthday?
I just saw it in a window...
It called out to me and I bought it.
Did you know that windows call out to people now?
Weird...
No gift for me, dear?
No... but I bought you that cell phone.
Isn't he just sweet?
You see, I bought you something.
I was near the video store and suddenly a movie called out from the window "Bend over, momma" and I bought it for you!
What it this, son?
What have you gone into?
Are you trying to hypnotize us?
Me and the guys...
we bought it just to have fun.
Is this a way to have fun?
With perversion?
-What about comedy films?
-That's exactly what we said!
We couldn't take 2 minutes of it, not even one!
-You've never done such things?
-Please!
You and your paranoia!
"My son cuddles pussy"...
Don't make me start with you.
"Bend over, momma"...
She really bends over...
Want to watch it?
What?
I was just joking...
Enough, baby, leave some for us. 
Mercy!
That cow, that fat trout!
That walking cholesterol...
Yiannis, can I get you something to drink?
Will you stop mourning?
I'm infatuated with Sofia.
What can I do?
-Become a monk.
-It's not funny.
-Tell her.
-How?
Simply: "Would you like to have a heterosexual experience?"
-Are you high or something?
-Maria is mad about you.
Someone called me?
Yiannis, can I help you?
She's sweet like cherry pie, eat it or I'll eat it myself.
A fight!
-Go away, man.
-Take these joints someplace else.
-Where's my son, you perverts?
-Leave or you'll get hurt!
-Dad?
-Dad my ass!
-I'll close down this joint!
-Dad, please!
Can you tidy your clothes for once?
What? 
I didn't hear you.
"I didn't hear you." Do you have any laundry?
-Yes.
-So put them in the basket!
What did you say?
Thank God they're empty.
Last time I washed your driver's licence.
You've got a text message.
You've got a text message!
I can't hear you!
I'm coming out to tidy up!
"LOVE, YOU DIDN'T CALL.
I'LL BE WAITING, IAKOVOS."
How can you get so chatty when I take a shower?
Ok, I'm ready to tidy up.
-What's up?
-Don't touch me.
Just because I threw my clothes on the floor?
-You should put an end to this.
-Ok, I will. 
Is that all?
-Iakovos left you a message.
-When?
-Who?
-Iakovos.
"Honey, you didn't call" Iakovos.
Ungrateful man!
It's ok baby, we'll buy a new one.
Don't trash everything, love.
Stop shouting, the neighbors will hear us!
Do you care about that now?
It didn't cross your mind when you partied with Iakovos?
Baby, he's just an old friend.
What's all this shouting about?
-Your father...
-What's wrong with him?
My boy...
Dad? 
What happened to him?
I don't know.
You had a fight.
-No, son, we didn't.
-No...
Will you start acting like your age?
You fool, he's an old schoolmate.
He always gave us these silly names...
Love, sweetie...
He wants us to get together and talk about old times.
-You used to go out together?
-Iakovos and I? 
He's like a midget!
-Will you go out with him?
-I'm not that crazy, no way!
Are you telling me the truth?
I swear to our son's future.
-What is it now?
-Nothing.
What nothing? 
What?
-I cut myself.
-Where?
-Here.
-Where?
On your little fingy?
A kiss to make it go away?
Better now?
You little jealous thing...
Come on, don't be shy...
Honey bunny!
What's the pillow doing on the table?
I was cooking...
I burned the chips...
I was polishing my nails...
I stained the pillow.
The pillow?
-It's just a pillow!
-Really?
That makes two of them!
Silly bimbo!
You spat on me?
-On your face!
-I don't believe it!
-Hands off my hair!
-Why? 
I did your hairdo.
Don't you ever cook in my kitchen again!
'Evening, champ.
What a stunt!
I can't believe my eyes!
Yes, Sofia...
Where am I?
I'm going home.
I'm so sorry, why did you leave?
Are you still in the neighborhood?
I'm almost home.
I'm so sorry, what can I say?
Here, Zeta wants to talk to you.
Yiannis, I'm really sorry.
When I polish my nails, I lose track.
It's my fault.
Let's go out tomorrow to make it up.
Oops, I can't. 
I've got this hair contest.
Go out with Sofia, ok?
Please, say yes.
I trust you.
That way no one will get to her.
Ok? 
Thank you so much!
Kisses, have fun.
Goodnight.
Goodnight, I'll be out late.
I'll take the car, too.
Your son's found a boyfriend.
-Thank God, it was about time.
-That's what I mean.
-Have the bags under my eyes gone?
-Yes, but they told me they'll return.
-You're so jealous of me...
-Egomaniac...
Come on, stop it.
This guy tells his therapist, "My husband thinks he's a Volkswagen".
I'm not done yet!
The doctor asks, "Why don't you tell him he is not?"
And he replies, "Why, to go to work on foot?"
You didn't like it.
I'm glad we came here 'cause at the club I couldn't hear a word you said.
But we drank quite a lot, right?
So what? 
Nobody's getting hurt.
If Zeta show me drinking like that...
-She really takes care of you...
-As if I'm a child.
-My food, my clothes...
-And I'm responsible for your drinks!
Cheers.
My drinks...
-What about your guy?
-What guy?
Haven't you told me about this guy who...
-...who studies...
-Studies in Paris!
You know how it goes.
Out of sight...
Besides...
Well? 
Besides what, Yiannis?
Come on, speak up...
-It's nothing...
-I don't believe it.
-This guy is in love!
-Well done.
Congratulations!
He's blushing!
I hit a goldmine!
So, you've been going out for a long time?
No... 
No...
It's recent, then.
Come on, don't make me ask.
That's why you're so distraught lately.
It's still a secret.
You haven't told him?
It's a little bit complicated.
I don't know if I have any chance.
Do you want him?
Like crazy!
Do you know what I would say if I could?
You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen.
Your smell drives me crazy...
It blows me away...
Not even a day goes by without thinking about you.
I'm in love with you.
You?
I hope you remember all this 'cause if you repeat it to him you'll definitely put a spell on him.
-I can't!
-Are you serious?
You're young, handsome...
What more can you ask?
Courage!
-There's someone else, too.
-So what? 
It's a common story.
Right...
There's still one other thing...
-It's really important.
-Spit it out.
-I'm...
-I'm?
I'm...
I am, you are, he is...
Yiannis, you're a coward.
Try to cross the line, for once!
-Cross the line?
-Yes, what are you afraid of?
-To cross the line?
-Yes! 
Do something extreme!
Something extreme?
You pervert, you weirdo!
What are you doing?
You think it's funny?
This one's for you.
Call the maitre!
I just wanted to have a descent dinner...
Man, you're nuts!
How did he dare, Katerina love?
Katerina love?
What are you looking at?
-Nothing...
-So you liked it, huh?
You liked it!
You're sleeping on the sofa!
-You're flipping out.
-Slut!
I don't believe it, you kissed that woman!
-Yes...
-You're crazy, you know that?
So, tomorrow I'm going to kiss a man.
Yiannis, you're losing me...
Catch me...
I'm falling...
-I can do it.
-Want me to let go?
No, but I can do it.
I'm a serious woman.
-Wait till I get the lights.
-No, I'm falling down!
-Wait!
-I'm falling down.
No, I'm here for you.
I don't believe it.
You kissed that woman.
-You're crazy.
-Got it.
You know it.
And? 
How was it?
Was it nice?
Do you want to know?
I do... 
I do...
Did I wake you up?
Tell me that you slept on the sofa...
No... 
I slept here, with you.
Yiannis, why am I naked?
You don't remember?
No woman has ever touched me like this.
Don't touch me!
Why, baby?
No, I must be dreaming.
Zeta is hiding somewhere, this is all a joke!
-Look at me...
-Don't touch me!
-We did nothing wrong.
-Are you crazy?
I cheated on Zeta with you and you're a man so what does that make me?
-A pervert...
-What?
This word scares you, right?
-And I'm scared of what we did.
-What you did is perfectly normal.
Are you...
-Yes.
-Why didn't you say so? 
Why me?
-Don't touch me!
-You wanted it, too.
Can you please get dressed and leave?
I'm sorry...
-I thought that...
-Go away!
Surprise!
Did I wake my baby?
I'm sorry, I forgot my keys and I was dying to see you, so I came.
Sweetheart!
Promise you'll never leave me alone again.
-I'm such an addiction!
-Tell me you love me!
Baby, you're suffocating me!
Baby, what's up with you?
I was away only for one day.
Not even two days, as planned.
-Sofia...
-Please...
He was so happy that he almost had a fit!
-Thank you, son.
-You only buy him gifts.
Am I not your father, too?
-I said, next time, dad...
-You're so jealous.
-I'm glad we're out as a family.
-Our son isn't really enjoying himself.
-Son, what's up?
-What? 
Nothing...
Our son is young, he wants to be with his friends.
-Tell me, are you seeing someone?
-Not again!
Why, son?
All of your friends have boyfriends...
Dad, why are you spoiling our dinner?
Besides, I'm still young.
Yes, still...
Say, this boy is feasting his eyes on you.
He's nodding!
What a creep!
Stefanos, have you lost it?
Why are you calling him a creep?
Because he's flirting with our son?
-Nod back at him.
-Do you want to quarrel now?
Our son's right. 
Should we marry everyone who's nodding at us?
Calm down...
-Can I buy you a drink?
-No! 
You can't!
How dare you? 
Go away!
Stefanos, please...
He had a little too much to drink...
Forgive my disturbing you...
Sir...
Dear young man...
Stefanos, why were you like that?
What did he do to you?
This city's full of creeps!
-Have you lost it?
-So now it's my fault?
-Of course!
-He came and upset me!
You always spoil my good mood.
You were dribbling!
"Sir"...
-I was dribbling?
-Yes, you!
-Stop, everybody's looking at us.
-Tell that to your father.
Why didn't I listen to my mother?
I'm going to reinvent my baby!
I hope for the best not for the worst.
How did I let you slip anyway?
Can you get your face off my girl?
Ok...
What a pity! 
Such a nice boy sleeping with women.
They're everywhere!
Wait, can't you see I'm talking?
Last night, I saw the President and his husband at the theatre.
You know the saying, "Behind a powerful man lies"...
"A powerful man", dear!
Periklis, I'm talking now.
Say...
Periklis cuddles pussy?
He's one real pet lover!
-So Periklis, you'll be leaving?
-I'm going to open a salon.
And who's going to cut my hair?
Listen, you still remember my party, right?
How can we forget, darling?
-Where are you going to take us?
-We won't tell you. 
It's a surprise!
Take a look at that!
-Stop pointing your finger!
-Sorry, I got carried away.
-It's a real lovers' nest!
-You came to the hottest club!
Me like it!
-See that threesome!
-Will you stop?
A band!
-What are you doing?
-I'm adapting!
Babe, I'm a hot chick!
Show me what you've got!
Get real!
Hey, there's Yiannis.
I just drew a full house.
Sofia's here.
-Who's that babe with her?
-Zeta, her girlfriend.
A pet, I see. 
We don't touch.
I've had it with you.
What did you do to Sofia?
What? 
That I got drunk and sick?
It's not his fault.
You disappeared 'cause you were scared of me.
Err... 
Yes..
Say, what are you doing here?
What am I doing here...
What about you?
I invited him.
Periklis, I didn't ask but...
Don't worry. 
Your friends are my friends.
Your drinks are on me, guys.
Grigoris... was alone and I brought him along.
Guys, it's perverts' kingdom!
I can't believe my eyes.
What kind of place is this?
Help me down, you!
Which boy's next to dance with me?
What? 
Me and you?
Damn you, Yiannis!
That's hot!
-Are you nuts?
-Why?
Everybody was watching you.
I'm leaving!
You're making a scene because I was dancing?
You were dancing, too!
We were joking.
-Some things are not funny.
-Look who's talking!
-Ampelokipi.
-Nea Smirni.
-Get off.
-I won't. 
Nea Smirni, please.
-What's wrong?
-Your dancing and moving!
-We were joking.
-Ha ha! 
I'm not stupid.
Zeta, get real!
Yiannis is a real man!
Men screw, don't they?
Don't laugh!
You're making a scene over Yiannis?
Yes, I am.
I know nothing about him.
And you were all over him!
You're never like that with me!
-Baby, calm down.
-No, don't touch me!
You and your men!
-Am I not enough for you?
-Yes, I want a man!
I've tried them once and I can't get enough.
I get some at every given chance.
Men just make me go crazy...
Honey, what's wrong?
Are you joking?
Of course I'm joking.
My pretty face...
Could I ever leave you for a man?
For a woman?
For no one!
Baby, I'm so sorry...
I got jealous...
Isn't that sweet!
So where are we heading to?
Nea Smirni and then Ampelokipi.
Hello?
Who is it? 
Our son's ok?
It's that stupid Iakovos, my classmate.
-Yes, I hear you...
-What time is it?
-Yes, we're going to meet.
-What does he want?
Will you stop? 
I'm on the phone!
Yes, it's my husband.
No, you can't talk to him.
It's late, we're sleeping.
Iakovos, please.
We'll meet up, cross my heart!
Bye now. 
Bye.
What did he want in the middle of the night?
How should I know?
He has just divorced.
-So what?
-Calm down and sleep.
-It's late, stop shouting.
-I can't sleep now...
I'm not in the mood, I want to sleep.
Thanks a lot!
That's the last time.
This has got to stop...
No more! 
Never again!
Can I ask you something?
You...
How did you...
What? 
With you?
No, the first time you had a woman.
Yes... 
That...
It was Mrs Eleni.
We used to spend our summer at Lavrio.
That's where I first saw her.
I still remember the sound of her high heels.
I was very little...
And she seemed big... awesome.
She had the sweetest smile.
After some years, I followed her...
And there I understood why they called her pervert...
She was making love with a man.
Since then, she became both heaven and hell to me.
I couldn't get her out of my mind.
I'll never forget her.
What a beautiful woman...
-More beautiful than me?
-No one matches your beauty...
I'm late!
Zeta must have left work.
-Where are you going, pretty face?
-Sorry?
-You got the time?
-Of course, wait.
No, I meant time for a cup of coffee.
What's the deal here?
-She's hitting on you, baby?
-She was alone.
-Are you tripping on something?
-Say what? 
You won't diss me!
Take your ugly face away from me!
Go to hell!
Come on now...
Relax, she's still right here.
Whose side are you on?
By the way, where have you been?
Where... 
I've been...
My articulation's ok, right?
Does she speak a foreign language?
-Where have you been?
-I couldn't find a taxi.
It's a miracle!
The dumb can speak!
What about your cell phone?
I called you 6 times.
I had it on silent mode.
I just saw the missed calls.
-Zeta, give her a break.
-By the way, hi, Periklis.
Take a deep breath and listen to this...
I'm ready, shoot...
Periklis, go on.
Sofia, this is none of my business but Zeta insisted and...
-Cut to the chase, Periklis.
-The chase, ok...
-Well...
-Yiannis is straight.
-A common friend...
-Told me!
Yiannis?
Our Yiannis? 
No way...
Of course he is! 
I was right about that night at the straight bar.
-I should have showed him.
-Zeta, are you crazy?
Besides, Yiannis is dating...
Grigoris!
-Who am I dating?
-He was all I could think of.
You're dating one month now that's why we didn't know and why you brought him to the straight bar.
-Ok, it's cool...
-Just perfect.
-Is that all?
-No, we're going out the 4 of us.
What are you saying?
-Zeta proposed it.
-No way! 
At all!
We must, so that she swallows the story.
-That's the customer's choice?
-The one on the left...
Why? 
When we'll stop hiding?
Can't you see I'm mad about you?
-Me too, baby...
-Then why won't you tell her?
I haven't found the right time.
It's hard to tell her...
-...that I'm leaving her over a man!
-But this is not fair!
-Give me some more time.
-More time, more time.
Ok.
Well, aren't these our boys!
Welcome! 
Come right in...
My sweet boy!
He's so shy. 
Say something, we're with friends.
-Nice hairdo!
-Chew it, now spit the pip.
-Have you been a couple for long?
-2 months, 3 weeks and 4 days...
Enough...
Do you know this new joke?
A frog goes to the doctor and says...
Doc, I need a "hopperation"!
These jokes are killing me! 
One more of these and we're through.
My sweet boy...
"Is delicious like candy..." Incredible song!
"And when he poses like a man, my boy is just wonderful!"
Another one goes...
"I like rude and gentle girls"...
"But there's just one girl"...
What do you want from me, Iakovos?
Just you, today's our anniversary.
My boy, listen up...
This is for you.
For the six months we spent together.
You must listen to me.
I'm a man of mature years.
And you're a sweet young boy.
I do like you, I don't want to hurt you but we must go our separate ways.
I'm sorry, it's the only way.
My husband...
You never understood how much I loved you.
What now?
Can you open up?
The door's locked.
-What guys?
-My friends.
-You think it's necessary?
-They want to meet you...
-You told them about me?
-Of course, they're my friends!
-I'm not ready yet.
-Was I ready when I faked it with Grigoris, too?
-But I'm going there...
-To the "straight-pit"?
I told you I would close down your joint, perverts.
Screw you! 
Motherfuckers!
We're not the mob!
I want to say something!
Do you mind I'm straight?
Let's have a debate.
Let's make this gay society really anxious! 
Beware!
Ilias, what's the situation?
Damn it!
Ok, I'm on my way.
Grigoris and Maria got arrested.
I'm must find the others to see what we're going to do.
I must go home...
-Want me to give you a lift?
-No, I'll take a taxi.
-Are you sure?
-Yes... 
You can go...
I'm sorry.
Goodnight.
I love you.
Why are you late?
-You're not asleep?
-It's morning, where were you?
At the restaurant.
We were swamped with people.
-You're hiding something from me?
-Me? 
No, I'm not...
Why?
Lately, it seems something's wrong with you.
Nothing's wrong with me.
If there was something, would you tell me about it?
What is this now?
Why don't we go to sleep?
Don't ever hide anything from me.
Please...
Sofia, am I not in perfect shape?
Look at this body!
Who's going to enjoy it? 
No one.
I think I'm in love with me.
I see, there's a funeral.
I'm going to the gym, my natural habitat.
What did you want to tell me?
Is anything wrong with Zeta?
We're through.
-You told her about us?
-No...
"We" are through.
-What do you mean?
-I can't take it anymore.
-I thought we had something.
-No, we got nothing.
Baby... 
Baby...
-This can't go on...
-Listen to me.
No, you listen.
Last night, I could see clearly...
What happened at the bar, Zeta who was waiting for me...
-I can't lie anymore...
-To whom?
To myself!
All this, it's beyond me!
This must end!
-Are you making love with Zeta?
-I must go.
-Are you in love with her?
-Yes!
You're lying.
Look at me and say it!
Do you want me to go and tell her everything?
All this time I waited for you to find the courage to tell her...
So, you think you're really cool, Yiannis.
Grigoris is cool 'cause he's not hiding.
And you, what are you doing?
You're hiding just like I do!
Still, there's something else...
You're embarrassed about us.
Yes, I am.
Screw you!
We're through.
"I LOVE YOU"
Stefanos! 
Come and see!
-What?
-Look.
-The city's full of crazy people.
-Or people in love.
Yeah, right...
Stefanos, what is he doing there?
-Isn't he the boy...
-Iakovos?
Iakovos what?
Stefanos, I love you!
I love you!
Look at me! 
I love you!
Stefanos, i love you!
My love, I love you!
You creep!
I love you!
By tomorrow, I expect you to pack and leave.
I'm sorry, I was going to tell you about it.
No, I wasn't going to but it's over now, I swear.
How dare you talk to me?
How dare you look at me in the eye?
Tell me what you don't like about me.
That I'm old?
That my skin's loose?
That I'm faithful to you?
That I raised our son?
I want a divorce.
What do you mean?
Go to hell, bastard!
"What I mean"... 
Go to hell!
That's what I mean!
'Cause you're dribbling over every young man you see!
What's up?
You woke me up.
Next time you leave the house, choose a different route.
And bring some paint to cover your father's sins.
-Take a look through the window.
-I can explain.
-Isn't that...
-Iakovos. 
Your dad's classmate.
-His classmate?
-That's what he told me.
How long did it take you to finish school?
Stefanos! 
I love you!
I need some water...
Stefanos, I love you!
How can I walk in the street after all this?
How can I look our neighbors in the eye?
-Darling?
-Get out of my face!
I don't ever want to see you again.
-I'm sorry.
-Shut the fuck up!
"I'm sorry"... such crap.
Have you seen Yiannis?
He quit.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Say something.
My parents saw me on the news.
They said...
They said...
That clown... 
He sued the club for drugs, prostitution for child abuse, everything but murder.
My parents called me after 4 years.
They thought I was on a music video.
I told them I was on tour, what could I do?
You can stay at our place, if you want.
-Please, don't leave me, too.
-No Maria, I won't.
What was that?
I love you...
Do they look nice on me?
"You're gorgeous!" Stop it! 
You'll spoil me!
"Buy them, honey-bunny, you deserve them!
You're exaggerating now.
Hey, captain!
How's the wind?
-What are you thinking of?
-Nothing.
-You're gorgeous!
-I already said that. 
Anything new?
"You're the only man in my life."
My name is Stefanos.
What's yours?
I fell in love with you when I first saw you.
Let's make a new start.
That smile can make me go crazy.
To us.
Here's the programme.
Want some wine?
No, I don't!
2 glasses of red wine, please.
Hey, that's Yiannis!
How are you?
Maria, this is Zeta and Sofia.
Nice to meet you.
Where have you been?
Why did you quit?
-Found a better job?
-Zeta!
Sorry, I got carried away.
You still date Grigoris?
Stop asking questions!
I'm so sorry, I spilt it all on you.
Who's the bimbo now?
Go clean it up at the toilet.
-It's ok.
-No, it's not. 
Go!
Sofia's really good with stains.
I'm just hopeless.
Go, the play is about to start!
She's clean it up alright!
Want something to drink?
-No I'm ok.
-Some red wine.
Well done, you didn't waste any time.
-I don't believe it.
-What?
-You're making a scene.
-Me? 
You're wrong.
I was just disappointed once more.
-I understood how...
-What? 
Concentrate.
How little you believe in what you say.
What's up with you?
You left me, right?
You told me to forget you.
That's what I'm doing.
-That's your way of forgetting?
-Everybody has his own way.
You forget me with Zeta and I forget you with Maria.
You say I'm forgetting you...
No, I've already forgotten you.
Have you?
Oops, Sofia's got our money.
-What do you have to say now?
-What do you expect?
To see me begging you to take me back? 
Never!
What are you doing?
What are you doing there?
-Shut up!
-Zeta, calm down.
Shut you face, motherfucker!
Why me?
I don't believe it, why?
Zeta, calm down...
Don't tell me to calm down!
I'll fucking humiliate you!
And with a man!
You shameless losers!
Jesus, I don't believe it...
Yes, Yiannis...
Our little Yiannis.
Our innocent dear boy.
Now I realise why I've never seen you with a boy.
And you...
Wasn't I enough for you?
You wanted a man, too?
Speak up...
Fuck you both!
I guess that wasn't a curse.
You like to fuck, right?
I don't want to see you ever again.
What a world!
You perverts...
Stelios, go away...
Go away, I'm going to kill you.
Didn't you listen?
I've got a knife.
Tell me that you regret, that you'll marry me and I'll drop it.
Stelios, go away!
Why don't you go away? 
Why?
Kiss me, Miltos...
-Stelios!
-Kiss me...
My love...
These used to be good films, not like today's crap.
Welcome home, son.
Good evening.
-What's up with him?
-How would I know?
Where's the remote?
I want to watch the news.
You're sitting on it.
Pavlopoulos!
Get out, you pervert!
What's this now?
Get out you! 
You woman stealer!
Pavlopoulos, you pervert!
Do you hear me?
Stefanos, who's that woman?
-How would I know?
-She said "Pavlopoulos".
-Isn't that your surname?
-And yours as well?
Couldn't you pick another woman?
You really had to have mine?
-You slept with a woman?
-Me? 
Are you serious?
Then what about her?
I'm not feeling well.
I'm staying right here!
There she goes again.
How embarrassing.
-Stefanos, who is she?
-I don't know her.
But she seems to know you.
And her woman, even better.
I'm not feeling well...
My husband slept with a woman.
The earth will swallow me up!
You like tits? 
Come on, then!
Come on, have some of those!
I'm not leaving!
-Pervert!
-We're married 25 years!
-Why don't you go to hell?
-Stop it!
Why? 
Did you ever stop anything?
I put up with you so many years! 
You creep!
It's for me.
Son, your father...
This creep, has driven me nuts!
I'll tear this place down!
It's for me.
What's for you, son?
I'm sorry that you found out about it this way...
Find out what, son?
I'm heterosexual.
What do you mean?
You like women?
Yes...
Tell me you're lying...
This is not...
I'm losing my mind!
-That's the truth, like it or not.
-That's how you pay us back?
That's why we gave you everything? 
To...
What did I do wrong?
Did I kill anyone?
-Why didn't you say something?
-You wouldn't understand.
-If you only talked to us...
-To say what?
That he left our house to go and nail some woman?
Didn't you care about us?
What are you looking at? 
What are we going to tell our neighbors?
-Yes, it's all about you!
-Don't talk to your father like that.
You've been playing with our love, our trust?
-You brought shame on us!
-Me? 
See what's written on the wall!
Shut up! 
What I do with my husband is my business!
So is what I do with my body!
Get out of here!
Get out of my face!
-Get out of my house now!
-Stefanos, please.
Stefanos who, dear?
It's me, your wife.
It's Stefania...
-What happened?
-You got a little bit upset.
You're ok, now.
-Where's our son?
-Outside, in the corridor.
-What did he tell me?
-Do you feel better? 
Nurse!
-No more women, please!
-Relax...
Did he tell me what he told me?
My son... sleeps with men?
Calm down, dear...
My own son is a pervert!
He wants to talk to you.
To explain...
He wants to say he's sorry.
-Tell him to leave.
-Stop it now. 
Calm down.
You heard me.
I don't want to see him ever again.
He's history.
As you wish...
Hello?
Yiannis doesn't live here anymore.
Happy New Year to you, too.
What? 
Get the table ready.
Good evening.
Mr Petros!
How are you?
It's been a long time!
Table for two?
-Yes, for two...
-A drink, first?
If you please...
Good evening!
-Sofia, how's your husband?
-Just fine. 
He's on his way.
Zeta, tell Yiannis his parents are here.
Enjoy your evening.
Keep calm, dear.
I'm calm, aren't I?
What can I get you?
Your love.
That's already yours.
Now, about dinner...
Leave that to me.
Everything's on the house.
Come over to eat, you've lost weight.
Thank you...
He's our child, after all.
Petros, how are you?
Long time no see.
I thought that maybe you didn't like me.
No, not at all...
I do like you...
I don't like you, I mean...
I like you, well..
I like the restaurant but...
What's new?
-How's your wife?
-Just fine.
-And your kids?
-Yes. 
Your jacket's getting stained.
Bring him some water.
Take it easy...
What time is it?
It's almost New Year's Day.
Ten, nine, eight seven, six, five, four three, two, one!

Subtitles downloaded from Podnapisi.NET
Simon Magus was a magician and a sorcerer... in... um...
In Sumeria.
And what happened to Simon Magus, Bartolo?
Jesus' disciples performed miracles.
When Simon Magus saw the miracles... he offered Peter gold for God's powers.
How did Peter respond...
John Rossi?
Stand up!
Answer my question, John Rossi.
That's not my name.
You and all the other bastards... lucky enough to be here... children of sin, spawn of the damned... are all named for saints... saints who are disciplined, saints who are chaste.
You are named for John Baptist Rossi... a Capuchin priest who gave away all his possessions.
A man who had nothing, like you.
Now what is your name... you ungrateful cur?
Your name, boy!
Have you lost your tongue?
What is your name?
All the girls... will remain locked in their dormitory... and no food will be served to any boy... until you acknowledge your namesake before God.
Food! 
Food! 
Food!
Food! 
Food! 
Food! 
Food!
Yes. 
Yes.
They should name you Simon Magus, the magician.
No.
Simon... 
Templar.
Agnes!
Agnes!
Agnes!
Agnes!
When they catch you, they'll cane you.
Won't happen, 'cause we're leaving tonight... this hearty brotherhood, on a crusade.
That's why I risked everything, Agnes, my love... to bid you farewell.
I can't leave you behind without a kiss.
Hey, watch this.
We've lost some girls!
The girls are missing!
There are girls missing!
Come on, boys!
Wait, John Rossi.
My kiss.
There he is! 
Get him!
Aah!
October 3.
Entering foyer of Tretiak industries.
Heavy security on elevators.
Guards in uniform.
Elevator to vault on 26th floor requires separate passkey.
Maybe use stairs.
No traffic there.
October 4.
Personal tidbits.
Tretiak's former partner died suddenly in 1995.
It left Tretiak as sole owner of a gas and oil empire.
Tretiak's first son killed in car crash five years ago.
Who are you?
Vehicle was driven by younger son Ilya... now 27.
Wife now lives in Geneva... following assassination attempt in 1996.
I am... 
Ivanovanovitch.
October 5.
Ilya spent most of today in Cafe Eldorado... with bandito buddies.
Gangster rap, coffee, flirting with teenage girls.
Small firearms in coats.
Machine pistols in cars.
There were three great empires... that dominated the world both culturally and militarily...
Rome, Constantinople, and Russia.
All three have fallen.
Only one can be restored... and only one man can restore it...
Ivan Petrovich Tretiak!
Friends...
countrymen...
Russians!
You people here in this room... are the cream of Russia... and the whole nation is listening with us.
But why do you all listen to me rave?
Set aside my oil company... forget about my best-selling book... and all I am is a lunatic... haunted by the fantasy of an empire... that reclaims her former might, her former size.
All I am is a poet spinning rhymes of a Russia... not cut off at the knees, but armed to the teeth.
Not ridiculed, but revered.
No! 
More than revered!
Feared!
But who am I to dazzle you with this dream?
All I've done is...
How does it look for the leader's son... to walk out when the leader speaks?
You'd prefer the leader's son... to piss his pants on live TV?
Hmm?
And still the people freeze to death!
I love this country.
I don't speak Russian.
In that case, stand up... put your hands behind your head... and turn around slowly.
Wrong place for a condom.
Take it off.
Listen, if I give this to you... you'll give it to your daddy.
What's he gonna give you?
Not even a Christmas bonus.
The guy I'm stealing this for will give me $1 million.
If we go in partners, we'll split 50-50.
Half a million hard currency.
Think of the drugs you could buy with that much cake.
You'll be discoing for a decade in Moscow, mate.
I don't need your small change.
That's your first problem.
Here is your second.
Microchip... please.
Freeze!
Sorry. 
Guns make me nervous.
Suck me... sideways.
Aah! 
Uhh!
Uh! 
My eyes! 
Ohh!
Give it up!
You got no place to go!
A goddamn button!
Back of the building!
Come on!
Where's the body?
No body.
Just some guy in rags.
As the bitter chill of winter... descends on Moscow...
Russians are warming to the angry rhetoric... of former communist boss Ivan Tretiak.
Now a billionaire oil magnate... and leader of his own political party...
Tretiak predicted that the civil unrest engulfing Russia... will only worsen, unless Reformist President Karpov... can overcome the heating-oil shortage... that has already killed scores of Russians.
What beautiful work.
Ah. 
Cloisonne.
It is old.
Yes.
It belonged to my grandmother.
Please.
Tonight I feel like the oldest person on this plane.
My husband, he's sending me to England to live... until things change.
You are married not even a year... and already this bastard has a girlfriend?
!
I am sorry.
It's not my business.
How come you know so much about me?
It is a gift.
I'm Martin de Porres.
I am from Spain... but I'm named for a Peruvian saint... who could cure the sick or the injured... by the laying of hands.
Hmm.
He's the same build... as the description the Russians gave us... but he doesn't sound like an Aussie.
No.
Could be faking it.
X- rays are clear.
He hasn't swallowed the microchip. 
Anything?
You English with your chips, your fish and chips.
On the airplane, I had chicken.
Van Gogh theft, Netherlands.
Last year. 
Same eyes.
Different chin.
Halcyon Hotel, guv.
Stand up!
What is your name?
!
Answer the question!
What is your name?
! 
Hey!
Lou, the microchip arrived.
I put the dough in your account.
Sorry I didn't get back to you about that diamond.
Moscow's like Dodge City now.
All them greedy Commies have turned into crazy capitalists.
It's disgusting.
It's made 'em sloppy.
One or two more easy scores like this last one...
- I top 50 mil, I'm quitting.
- I heard that before.
Not from me.
I don't know nuttin'.
You don't believe me?
Try and find me.
- Fuck you, Lou.
- See yourself.
Can't seem to break 50.
"One million U.S. dollars...
"nonrefundable...
"reserves you a quiet table...
"at a romantic little spot in Berlin called Templehopf...
"which has a cozy transit lounge.
"To get inside, you walk through the metal detectors...
"and I walk through the metal detectors.
"Since you know I'm not armed, and I know you're not armed...
"we can both fall in love, and nobody gets hurt. "
I can't see him.
Then look for him.
You have a long and beautiful cane... along with your beautiful eyes.
That photograph doesn't do you justice.
Who are you?
My name is Bruno Hautenfaust.
I was named for a saint who was a very wealthy man.
Had the wine, women, songs... then took a vow of poverty and became a hermit... went to live in the forest...
in the nude.
Please leave.
I represent the professional you hired.
I'm his business manager.
I speak for him.
We don't deal with underlings.
Come on, Father. 
Let's go.
Wait. 
Sit down.
Listen and learn.
Ah. 
Youth.
Who runs this thief?
CIA? 
Ml-6? 
Libya?
He's not a racecar.
Nobody runs him.
He's an independent contractor.
Good. 
Then no one will mind if I kill him.
Oh, yes.
I can have a man killed and stroll away like that... even with metal detectors... even in this transit lounge.
Oh, it's so early.
You guys wanna get coffee or something?
Sure.
Be quiet.
What is it you request of my employer?
Do you know what cold fusion is?
Of course.
It's the theory... of nuclear fusion at room temperature... free energy forever.
Yes.
Kaffee?
Klein, Bitte.
As far as science goes, it ranks just above astrology.
Those who claim to have achieved the experiment... have never been able to duplicate it.
Until now.
There is an electrochemist working at Oxford.
We believe that this good lady... made a breakthrough in cold fusion.
Your employer will obtain the formula for me.
He's very busy, and you are very boring.
Your offer must inspire him.
This woman has repeatedly avoided... my agents' attempts to find the formula.
She's cagey, difficult.
Maybe your agents are stupid.
I think this inspiration would cost you three million dollars.
Ridiculous.
Why? 
You will have the world market in energy.
Cost you a nickel for every million you make.
His deposit should go-
Hey. 
It is not for me.
It is for mother Russia.
But you want mother Russia, too, Mr. Tretiak.
Three million in a bank account in Zurich. 
Agreed?
Yes.
How long to get your employer's agreement?
I'll ask.
Your offer has inspired her.
I'll do it.
Bank account number in Zurich.
Auf wiedersehen. 
Bye, sonny.
Bye-bye.
I really love this guy.
Ha ha ha!
Too bad we have to kill him.
Yeah, too bad.
When the electrochemists Pons and Fleischman... announced in 1989... that they had discovered cold fusion... a revolutionary process of generating energy... they were at first acclaimed as geniuses... and then condemned as charlatans.
The protocols of cold fusion...
What are those? 
Drugs?
Could I have one?
My head's pounding.
She's boring the life out of me.
- They're for my heart.
- Oh.
You have very pretty eyes.
You're a pretty lady.
- Who are you?
- Me?
I'm here to do an interview with that Dr. Russell.
I'm gonna expose her as a fraud.
You don't put any stock in this cold fusion mumbo jumbo?
- Actually, I do.
- Really?
Dr. Emma Russell.
Oops.
Well, I didn't prepare any formal remarks.
I'm actually more interested... in what questions you all have about cold fusion... so I thought we would start with those.
Any questions?
Please?
I have, Dr. Russell.
Can you explain the actual process of fusion... you know, the theory?
Yes. 
Oh, there it is.
This is the-the apparatus.
And very simply... when positively charged deuterons... are attracted to the palladium cathode... they cram together... and there are millions of them inside the cathode... getting closer and closer, and then they fuse... and they create energy in the form of helium.
But I read somewhere... that the experiment couldn't be replicated... so how do we know it works?
We don't.
Not yet.
But if you remember Einstein... he knew the theory of relativity to be true... long before he could prove it.
I mean, he felt the truth.
And, uh, some of us feel the same way... about cold fusion... because it's there.
It's in nature... the raw, natural power just waiting to be harnessed.
When we ignite that cold fusion fire...
I mean, just imagine.
There's more energy in one cubic mile of seawater... than in all the known oil reserves on earth.
I mean, you could drive your car 55 million miles... on a gallon of heavy water.
It would be the end of pollution... warmth for the whole world.
So why don't I demonstrate for you... why other people in the past have been so unsuccessful?
They used very complex...
November 17, 11:30 a. m.
Entering flat of Dr. Emma Russell.
High Street, Oxford.
No alarms on outer doors.
Strange.
No messages.
Shelley Monument.
Entering bathroom.
Books.
More books.
Walls covered with reminder notes.
Poetry.
Ah. 
Dad.
"Stop and talk to Shelley every day.
"How can I love a man named Percy?"
"Isn't there someone in the world...
"who can consume me like that. "
Magic. 
Romantic.
No recent applications.
"Cold fusion notes. "
"Although I pass the Shelley Monument every day...
"its sadness strikes me every time. "
"I feel a very personal loss when I look at it.
"So much pain and so much passion. "
"To give light to them that sit in darkness...
"and in the shadow of death. "
"Luke 1; verse 79."
Tretiak's wrong.
She's not cagey.
She's not difficult.
She's just... eccentric.
She's innocent.
Maybe it's in her head.
She needs a poet...
an artist... someone who... understands truth.
She needs Thomas More.
Do you like it?
What?
The sculpture. 
Do you like it?
Oh... yes.
What do you love about it?
The way it... glows.
And how the light... holds him in silence... taking care of him.
That's what I like about it.
Are you an artist?
No. 
I'm just a traveler searching for purity.
- What do you search for?
- Energy.
Yes.
Have you ever been on a long journey?
No, not really.
Perhaps I'll take you to my home... in Africa.
You should experience the energy... of where all life began.
Sorry.
I'm not very good with people.
Me, neither.
"I see my angel for the first time...
"know my purpose, feel my birth... "
"hear, at first faintly, then distinctly...
"the sweet strains of our union... "
"Our love heats up the cold universe...
"and gives my tired, desperate hope... "
"purified by our kisses...
"are eternally healed. "
Do you like it?
Who did you write it for?
You.
You're following me, or it's destiny.
Either way, it's weird.
Very weird.
Destiny then.
This must look strange.
It's, uh... something that I'm working on... a formula for... creating energy.
That you carry around in your underwear?
Yeah, I do.
How did you do that?
Magic.
Give it back.
It looks like Sanskrit.
Give it back.
I'm sorry. 
I just wanted to watch you put it away.
What else do you keep in there?
Nothing.
That's not true.
Can I get you anything else?
Drink your wine.
Latour '57.
The Latour, sir, is $400 a bottle.
Then we'll have two bottles.
There. 
You count it.
All these little tubes and microbes and things.
Molecules?
Those, too.
Can I tell you something?
What? 
You must. 
Everything.
It's a secret.
What?
I'm done.
My energy research- I'm finished.
I still have some sequencing that I have to work out... to make sure that it's safe, but I did it.
It's just been you against the whole world, hasn't it?
How have you done it and stayed so positive?
The gift of faith.
To see...
Well... to believe in something that's all around us... but hidden from our sight.
That's a beautiful thought.
I can't believe I'm telling you this.
I don't even know your name.
Well, my name is...
I don't want to tell you.
I don't want to do that.
I don't want to do that.
What difference does it make?
What's your name?
- Emma.
- Emma.
Now I know everything about you.
Your... genius.
You have a weak heart.
You have beautiful dreams, great courage.
You're not afraid in this world.
You get that from your father.
You can't cook to save your life... and you love fish.
I do love fish.
That's weird.
I want to try that.
- No.
- Yes.
I don't want you to.
Drink your wine.
Yes, I do.
What's your name?
My name is Thomas More.
I was named after the saint... who died for his faith.
OK.
Your work... is very dangerous...
and alive... and I love your poems.
They move me.
But that's not who you really are.
You're running away from... your past and your pain... and yet you keep it so close to you.
So you don't have to be afraid of who you are... because you're beautiful.
What are you doing?
Oh, my God, you're bleeding. 
What happened?
Don't know. 
I was... weeping, and I slipped.
I was thinking of you.
I don't know.
I live right down the street.
I could clean you up.
Why do you cover your mouth when you laugh?
- I don't know.
- Wait.
I'm glad it stopped bleeding.
Don't need stitches.
We're gonna have to disinfect it, though.
You really are an angel.
You are.
It's gonna hurt.
- Aah!
- Aah!
Oh, sorry.
I'm sorry. 
Are you all right?
Yeah.
I'm sorry. 
I was just joking.
I...
- I should go.
- Oh, no.
Yes. 
You-you... 
I...
Take off your pants.
Pardon?
I mean, your sweater.
There's blood on it.
I'll wash it.
Very domestic.
There's blood on your blouse as well.
I'll wash it.
Do you have any wine?
I'm so overwhelmed that you even noticed me.
How could I not?
You make me feel so good.
I wish you...
I wish you could understand.
I want you to know who I am.
Oh, my heart.
Don't disappear.
I'll be right back.
Calm it down.
Bring it round.
Too way high up, your street.
I can see... like nothin' else... in me, you're better than I wanna be.
Don't think, 'cause I understand...
I care...
Don't think, 'cause I'm talking...
Oh, I can't do this.
She's so great.
I can't believe this.
I can't believe this is happening.
I'm open... to falling from grace.
Hi.
"To spider:
"Must fly. 
Have better offer. "
Greedy westerner.
Wants more money.
Who cares?
Can't spend hard currency in hell.
Send this message-
"Fly, don't buzz off.
"I'll double your fee...
"or send my own boys to take care of the woman. "
You OK?
Let's...
let's just lie here.
Can't we just be like this tonight?
Is that what you want?
It's so magic.
It just feels so perfect.
It's 7:00 a. m., and here are the news headlines.
Thomas?
Lev Naumovitch, it's here! 
Good man!
It's revolutionary, sir!
She's boldly cast aside a slew of stale ideas... but I think the formula is incomplete.
It will take months...
That won't do... because now that the people are nicely beginning to freeze...
Tretiak must sweep in with a miracle to save them.
How high do you want it, Mr. Tretiak?
To the top.
Good morning, Yuri.
Good morning.
Perhaps I can confirm the validity... of this formula more quickly if I dispense... with certain protocols.
But, Mr. Tretiak-
How long, Dr. Botvin, since you received... your last salary check from Moscow University?
Ukrainian Independence Day.
Last August.
Ivan, he's on-line.
Do it.
To spider...
You've got the recipe.
"Where's my dough?"
To human fly...
Recipe incomplete.
The cake won't rise.
Hence, no dough.
I am not the baker...
"... but don't make me the butcher. "
I like this guy.
No play, no pay.
I'm certain you kept the cookbook.
Holland Park.
I'll check that for you.
Yes, that seems to be fine.
One moment. 
Aah!
He's keeping me on-line.
You wait here.
You, beside the car.
Now, turn around.
Step away from the vehicle.
He's armed!
Drive!
Go the other way. 
Go!
You're all I've got tonight.
You're all I've got tonight.
What about him?
What about this one?
Yeah. 
That-
We believe they're all the same villain.
Oh, my God.
They're all him?
We believe so.
He eluded a hit squad this morning in Holland Park.
Then he fled the U.K. out of Heathrow.
We've got a handful of false identities... used on visas, passports, leases...
Nicholas Owen...
Louie Guanella...
Peter Damian...
Charles Borroneo.
Of course.
Thomas More.
All names of Catholic saints.
Can you access Heathrow's passenger lists... for the last eight hours?
I think it might be possible.
Good.
Go!
Yeah!
Yes!
See, my friends... you back the biggest rats.
Hello.
Out, out.
Freeloaders, out.
I want to drink alone.
Close the curtain.
- What?
- What?
Don't look down.
You know who I am?
No.
I'm the thief you tried to cheat.
This is your accountant.
Talk to him.
The phone goes the other way, you moron.
Hello.
Tretiak speaking.
That money to Zurich, send it now.
I said now.
Yeah.
Thank you.
You know what the hardest part about being you is?
Pretending to be so bad in bed.
You son of the bitch.
There is an impostor.
Get him out.
Hey, hey, hey!
Take your hands off me, you idiots!
Are you crazy? 
It's me.
Go, go!
Catch him, go!
Ilya, get the bastard!
Fifty million. 
I'm out.
Mr. Ferrer checking out.
OK.
I'll have one, too.
Emma.
Hi.
I'm... 
I'm overwhelmed.
You found me.
Wasn't very hard.
Two men with saint's names flew into Moscow yesterday.
Isadore Bakanja is a short, bald African... whereas Vincent Ferrer-
Named after a saint who betrayed his best friend.
How could you do it?
Emma...
I
- I had to.
I'm a thief.
I want my cards back.
You flew all this way for your cards?
Yes, I did.
No.
It's because you're in love.
I rest my case.
Who are you?
No one has a clue, least of all me.
And why would you steal cold fusion?
It's free.
Why would you do that?
Eight million reasons.
Eight million.
Wow. 
That's all?
I would have given them to you... if you'd only asked.
You've got to get away from me.
I'm not going until you tell me why you lied to me.
- You lied to me.
- I lied to you?
You almost got me killed.
The guy says it doesn't work.
Well, screw him.
I don't think you'd enjoy that.
You're right.
I don't think I would.
Emma, you don't know what you're dealing with here.
What?
- They took my pills.
- No, they didn't.
I palmed them from your purse.
I need one or two.
I need...
I have a bad heart.
- I know.
- It's starting to pound.
It's OK. 
I've got your pills.
OK, I've got two in my hand.
I'm gonna pass out.
Sit down on the floor.
Just get down on the floor.
That's right.
That's right.
Eat two out of my hand.
That's right. 
OK?
While you're down there...
Get the pocketknife out of my boot.
This formula makes certain assumptions... which contradict all we know about cold fusion cathodes... so testing at any level becomes futile... without further information, Mr. Tretiak.
Don't despair, Dr. Botvin.
Help is here.
The two came very quietly.
Oh.
And they left even more quietly.
Close the city.
Kill him, and bring her... alive.
Why are they after me?
Tretiak, the guy I work for...
he owns this city, cops and all.
We have to convince him there's nothing more he wants from you.
What do you want from me?
- Everything's on those cards?
- Yes.
So the formula works?
Oh, kiss me again.
- No.
- Make up your mind.
Oh, it's-I have to figure out the order... before the formula works, and I'm not giving it to him.
- Tretiak will find you.
- No.
He found me, and that's hard to do.
- I found you.
- Yes, you did.
What do you need?
I need some time... and I need...
I need a place to work... and...
Where's everyone going?
To their country relatives to cut firewood.
There's no heat in the city.
How long will it take you to finish the formula?
I don't know.
Two hours, maybe.
I don't know.
Should be enough time to get our passports together... and for us to get married.
- We're getting married?
- Yes.
I want you to be Mrs. Martin de Porres.
- You're not Martin.
- No.
Who are you?
I don't have a name.
That's sad.
Will you have a name when we get home?
I don't have a home.
When we get back... you do the science, I'll do the math.
We'll market your formula around the world.
We'll make a fortune, and then... we'll see.
OK?
Emma!
No trouble, OK?
If you want to live, never leave my side.
Ohh!
Spice room, sun room...
Shadow room, night...
I've got you.
Come on.
Here we go. 
Up.
We've gotta get you warm.
We're almost there.
Come on.
Come on.
You'll wait till Christ comes to Moscow.
Elevator was made of mahogany.
Tenants used it for firewood last winter.
We need your help.
He fell in the river, and he's freezing.
- Need clothes.
- We're just people-
You're not people.
You're Americans.
Yes, but we ran into trouble with your Mafia.
She disapproves of what I do, but eats the bread it buys her.
No heat for sale... but these clothes will make him warm.
I tell her, Mashenka, go back to bed.
She's always puttering around.
It's here.
Built to escape Secret Police.
In you go.
You've got hypothermia.
We have to get these wet clothes off... keep you warm.
They must be in one of these buildings.
Check every apartment.
How you doing? 
Talk to me.
Snug as a bug in a rug.
OK. 
We're gonna...
We're gonna have to do this before your body temperature... falls below 95 degrees.
Two kids talking about foreigners.
Listen to me, tenants!
Show me where the Americans are... and you'll be paid in American dollars.
Five hundred bucks reward.
Daddy... have you seen, by chance, two Americans?
Just one American and one polar bear.
Do we get 250?
We check upstairs.
What's your name?
Who are you really?
Simon.
Simon?
So you are named for a saint.
No, Simon the magician.
I did tricks... tricks for Agnes...
and that's how I got things.
Priests took everything, took Agnes.
Dogs too big.
Teeth. 
Teeth.
She fell.
I escaped.
I always escape.
I don't believe in magic anymore.
I do.
I've never felt like this before.
How?
I'm freezing.
These are here!
We gotta get out of here.
Are you OK?
They're coming.
Americans are here!
Hurry. 
Here, put this on.
Ilya!
Upstairs. 
Go!
Maybe we can jump.
Let's jump.
Come on.
Wait.
We need her alive, idiot.
Embassy's east of here.
You're late.
Where have you been?
I've been waiting two hours.
I've got some beautiful paintings for you to buy.
In here. 
Come on.
Don't fret.
It's just my curator, Toli.
I am Alexa Frankievitch, but being you're Americans... you can call me Frankie.
OK, Frankie.
I've got money. 
We want-
I know. 
The icon of the Virgin of the Damned.
- Are those maps of the tunnels?
- Yes.
We're not here to buy art.
Take us to the American Embassy.
Right.
I need $10,000 up-front.
No.
OK. 7,000 and not a penny less.
Shh.
Police.
No. 
Tretiak's goons.
Wait.
Sasha, go east to the embassy.
- Are we lost?
- What's wrong?
You're in Russia, sir.
Everything is complicated.
But you know the way?
Like the face of a Bulgari chronograph.
I remember. 
This way.
At last. 
Water main.
They shut it down each afternoon in winter.
What time do they turn it back on?
You have five minutes, plus or minus.
Plus or minus?
That means several minutes earlier or later.
Don't worry.
Third opening is your embassy.
Quick. 
Someone's coming.
Come on. 
Come on.
Here's the second one.
Embassy's next.
- About two more minutes.
- Yeah. 
Unless it's minus.
Damn.
It's sealed.
We'll have to go back.
Come on.
Hurry.
Up you go.
Yankee, go home!
Down with Yankee!
Embassy's only about 100 yards away.
There's a car right above us.
Watch your head.
I'll create a diversion.
It should take you 10 seconds to run to those gates.
They'll open them when they see you coming.
OK. 
I can do that.
You can do it.
Wait. 
When am I gonna see you?
I'll find you. 
You found me.
Yeah, I did.
Aah!
I'm an American!
Open the gate!
Open the gate!
I'm an American!
Back off from the gate.
Back off. 
I said back off.
Stand back from the gate.
I said back off!
She outran you?
How humiliating.
One... shot left.
Can't come all the way to Russia... and not play Russian roulette.
Before you shoot me, want to know where the money is?
Whose money?
Tretiak's, yours.
He treats you like dirt.
You could have it all.
What are you saying?
I'm saying your father stashed billions... and I know where it's hidden.
Let's make a deal.
So... where are all those hidden billions?
I know... but I don't think I'm gonna tell you.
Joseph, what's the holdup?
I said get 'em inside!
You're worse than all the others.
However, burns will heal.
Maybe a little chance of scarring, perhaps... but all in all, I'd say he's a very lucky boy.
Lucky? 
Look at me.
I am a damn devil.
Christ.
Yes?
I have run every test on this cold fusion formula... and must conclude it is not merely incomplete... but rather... impossible.
You may as well try to create perpetual motion.
I invest millions... and you can't make it work!
What are you doing with my money?
Do you think it comes so easy?
No!
But, sir...
I have been working for nearly two weeks without sleep.
At first blush, the theorem appears quite convincing.
It does?
Yes. 
It does.
Good man.
We can use it to destroy our enemies.
Only Dr. Russell can spoil my plan.
If she gets back to London and speaks to the press...
From here to the airport are three army checkpoints... all of them loyal to us.
Make certain they get the message- she doesn't leave Moscow alive.
Mr. President.
As former Vice-minister of Energy and Power...
I hear all manner of schemes that provide cheaper energy.
And as our countrymen freeze to death...
I've become aware of a marvelous new technology... about which I'm hopelessly out of my league... from a scientific viewpoint.
That's why I brought our eminent physicist here...
Dr. Lev Botvin from the University of Moscow.
Before we are dazzled by the good news... let's dispense with the bad.
What is the price of this marvel?
The cost of research and development are there... which is all you are asked to defray.
Ten billion in hard currency?
I can't even pay my teachers, my miners, my doctors.
Where are you heading?
I thought we'd drink some vodka to get warmer.
Like the miracle of socialism... our miracle of cold fusion failed.
But no matter.
We have sold cold fusion to President Karpov.
We will use the scandal of its failure to destroy him.
The army must be mobilized by midnight tomorrow.
You're a man in a hurry.
That's only one day.
Not now, old witch.
We're working.
Yes. 
Think of it.
One day, you can be proud again to be a Russian general... with a big nuclear missile where your prick used to be.
You must complete a form before you get on a flight home.
Any medical problems?
I have a heart condition.
Do you need me to arrange any medication for you?
Well, I haven't needed a pill.
That's strange.
Get a form from table three down the corridor.
I'll be back in 10 minutes... by your side, all the way to the airport.
Thank you.
...Across the street in central Moscow... where a mob attacked several companies with ties to America.
Apparently, four U.S. citizens were injured in the attack.
I'm told that all American citizens... have been asked to report to the American embassy... for immediate evacuation.
Excuse me. 
You look lost.
- No, I'm fine.
- May I help you?
Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is August Christopher.
Named after Saint Augustine, who coined my favorite phrase-
"Give me chastity and give me constancy...
"but do not give it yet. "
Simon, I'm on the next flight out of here.
Are you coming with me?
No. 
But they are.
I'll need you to develop a sudden fear of flying.
Find a quiet room.
Finish the formula and fax it back to me.
My number's on the back.
I don't understand.
Why are you keeping my cards?
I've got to deal with the Russians... or you'll never be safe.
Be good at school.
Wait.
- Don't you trust me, darlin'?
- Trust who?
That hurts, Emma.
I'm serious.
What's your name?
My name is August Christopher.
Of course I trust you, August Christopher.
I mean, Vincent Ferrer...
I mean, Martin de Porres...
Thomas More.
After all, you are my personal saint.
You have to be a very good... and, usually, a very dead person to become a saint.
And more importantly, you have to work three miracles.
Now, get to work.
Who's that man?
You're leaving on the transport at 9:00, ma'am?
Probably be your last chance out of here.
Better hurry. 
It's leaving.
Your troops will depose the president... and install Ivan Tretiak as leader of Russia.
Moscow must be ringed with tanks by evening.
Don't worry.
The people will follow me.
They will be crying for revolution.
Still, no one's guessed the simple truth... of where the heating oil went.
Who would believe that a sea of oil... was hidden under this very building?
Yuri, I understand your Nataly is to...
Francis, you devil...
I heard you came here, and you didn't call me.
- Hello, Dominic- 
- Give me a ring, Charles.
Lou, I've heard on the grapevine... you're brokering a revolutionary new energy source.
If it's as good as it's cracked up to be...
I have friends who can double your best offer... on deposit in Zurich... within one hour of delivery and confirmation.
I'll be waiting.
The work could be here.
This machine could work, couldn't it?
Who are you?
A friend of Dr. Russell's.
Dr. Russell?
What's this equation?
It's so simple.
This is the key to Dr. Russell's formula.
Yes.
The alarm. 
You had better go.
I need a miracle.
You've got 12 hours.
But Mr. Tretiak's rally is tonight.
Can you make it work?
Make it work.
What is wrong here?
Uh, the alarm...
Uh... uh...
I tripped.
You are Nikolai Petrovich.
You are Nikolai Provovich-
Petrovich.
Tunnel built by KGB...
Leads to machine room in Kremlin.
Do you know where the president's quarters are?
President Karpov is there.
But there are many guards, so I suggest-
An alternate route?
Money. 
Now.
Oh, ye of little faith.
Russia stands tonight... on the brink of a second revolution.
As the number of deaths from freezing mounts... hundreds of thousands of protesters... have taken to the streets.
Even as Russian President Karpov... is promising a mysterious solution... to the crippling heating-oil shortage... troops opposed to the elected government... and led by General Leo Sklarov... have begun to ring the Russian capital city.
Angry, frightened citizens... are gathering outside the Kremlin in Red Square... but they're not braving the bitter cold... for yet another political rally.
They've been drawn here by the promise of a revelation... whatever that may be... in what's become a life-and-death struggle... for the future of democracy in Russia.
Mr. President?
I'm your friend.
What do you want?
I want to help you to destroy Tretiak.
I need you to listen for about 30 seconds.
I'm all right. 
Stay outside.
Please, continue.
Tonight you'll stand trial in Red Square before the world.
Whatever Tretiak accuses you of, I need you to admit to it.
Agree with this criminal?
If you want to destroy Tretiak... yes.
Gruschev, take Mr. Karpov downstairs.
The wife stays here.
Get your hands off!
What you are doing is illegal!
The people won't stand for it!
The people are too cold to stop it. 
Who are you?
Tretiak!
Tretiak! 
Tretiak!
Friends... countrymen...
Russians!
You heard about this morning's sensational events.
Many shocking documents were recovered... from the president's secret files... locked within his private safe.
The documents which will be published in today's papers... prove that the traitor Karpov... was about to steal over 40 trillion... of our precious Russian rubles... in a reckless scheme to save his hide!
To add insult... millions of dollars were to be paid... to this international criminal!
And for what was your president... hoping to bankrupt our national treasury?
What you see is a fairy tale called cold fusion.
You pass electric current into the machine... and there is supposed to be a chemical reaction.
Watch.
It can't even light up a tiny light bulb!
Do you dare deny this, Mr. Karpov?
Absolutely not!
I proudly admit it!
But enough puny failure.
Failure's in the past!
Begging is behind us!
The balance of power is about to shift!
Miracle one.
Karpov! 
Karpov!
Ilya! 
Ilya!
Go! 
Go!
Go, go, go!
I order all troops loyal to mother Russia... to seize the criminal Tretiak!
A thousand apologies, Mr. President.
There was a miscommunication in the chain of command.
Miracle two.
The billionaire industrialist and his son... were taken to the infamous Lubyanka prison... where they await trial along with General Leo Sklarov.
Moscow woke today to the forgotten sensation of warmth... as millions of gallons of heating oil... flowed from a storage depot beneath Tretiak's mansion.
He made no threat to contact you in the future?
He never had the chance.
You'll tell us if he makes contact?
Yes.
Which he may well do.
He's a proper rogue.
He charms women, this so-called Saint.
It seems it's his stock in trade. 
No offense.
Well, I am offended.
All I got from this Saint... was a series of near-death experiences.
Count yourself lucky.
I have a very important conference I must prepare for.
We understand.
You have a life.
We appreciate your taking the time.
No problem.
She's in love with him.
I wanted to call you and tell you everything.
It hasn't been safe.
I couldn't stop thinking about you.
So... have you been busy?
Yeah.
I've been working real hard.
Thank God I have my cards back.
You don't believe in this cold fusion mumbo jumbo?
You know, you're a very pretty lady.
Oh, my God.
That was you?
That's who I thought Dr. Russell would like.
I thought you were some old biddy... not some gorgeous soon-to-be-trillionaire.
You know you're going to be the richest woman in the world.
I am?
Why do you think I'm hanging around?
- Emma.
- Yeah?
My life is very strange.
I just...
I don't do anything normal.
I'm-I can't even-
I know. 
I know you.
I know your life.
- What do you want?
- I want you.
For how long?
It doesn't matter.
Tell me you love me.
I
- I love you.
Simon.
I love you, Simon.
Miracle three.
Dear Simon... the pin is something I've kept for years.
A graduation gift from Catholic school.
But don't worry.
You don't have to wear it.
I just wanted you to have something of mine... something I loved.
Simon, if sainthood requires three miracles... then I'd say you've made it, my love... and so I hope you'll understand.
Last night, it became clear what I have to do this morning.
I'm going to give cold fusion to the world.
It's the only way, if we're ever together again... that I'll know it's for you, and you'll know it's for me.
If cold fusion is free, then you and I will be free.
If you think giving away everything before the world... preventing us from making an unimaginable fortune... will accomplish anything...
you're absolutely right.
Simon, what are you doing here?
There are police.
They're everywhere.
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
- You wore the pin.
- Of course.
You better go.
How will I find you?
I'll find you. 
You found me.
Although our next speaker requires no introduction... after last week's Moscow fireworks... please let me welcome Dr. E.J. Russell.
Excuse me.
Is this seat taken?
No.
Dr. Russell?
You don't believe in all this cold fusion mumbo jumbo, do you?
Thank you. 
Good morning.
No.
We all know cold fusion has had a... a difficult childhood.
Those of us in the field are orphans... bastards, at best.
But difficult childhoods make the most interesting adults.
I know most of you thought that cold fusion...
I'm her biggest fan.
I think she's a fox.
Look at that.
Even though some of you may feel... that its practical application is still somewhat speculative...
I've come here today to share how that dream is slowly... becoming a reality.
Yes, it may take years to finally learn...
Look at the time.
Got to go.
...stabilize its power, but with your help... we can all work towards making the-the... dream of cold fusion finally come true.
Quickly!
We got him!
Hyah!
Hands behind your back!
Got you, you slippery-
What's going on?
Damn!
Donations totaling three billion dollars... were made today to the Red Cross... the Salvation Army... and the United Nations Children's Fund.
The funds were wired from the account... of jailed Russian tycoon Ivan Tretiak.
In other philanthropic news... a nonprofit research foundation... has been established to develop cold fusion technology... funded with an anonymous donation... and to be headed by Russian physicist Dr. Lev Botvin.
The E.J. Russell Foundation... is charged to develop inexpensive...

Hi.
The bottle's made of ice for the party, but when it hits the markets, it'll be glass.
Can I fill you up?
Make it a double.
(crowd chatter) You want to try both flavors?
Here you go.
Party time.
This is awesome.
Check this out.
This is my masterpiece.
Buri Vodka.
I'd rather have her.
Straight up, or on the rocks?
Which one tastes better?
WOMAN:
Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Buri Vodka's
Ice Princess!
WOMAN:
She's bleeding!
Tonya! 
Tonya!
It's Liam! 
Oh, my God.
Call an ambulance! 
Call 911!
Stay with her.
I'll go get help.
Party was for the release of a new vodka.
DOA is Tonya Nettles, the face of the promotional campaign.
Statements?
Looks like she was killed in the basement before she came up on that platform.
Access to the basement?
Yeah, there's a stairway.
The manager, a guy called
Colin Flynn, said that only employees have access.
Well, see what else you can get, and I'll have a look at the vic.
MESSER:
I'm sorry, Mac.
I got hung up.
(camera shutter clicking)
No retraction marks.
And the blood in the fabric looks diluted.
Weapon was either soaking wet or...
She was stabbed with an icicle?
That's cold.
Not cold enough.
Our evidence is about to turn into a big pool of water. sync:
FRM@mini.F
Coverage is coming down.
The air conditioning's been lowered to 55 degrees.
This dry ice will help stabilize the ambient temperature.
Ice is about 25 degrees.
Given the surface area of the crime scene, we have about an hour maximum to procure what evidence may still be here.
These icicles could be part of the murder weapon.
MONROE:
Well, we don't have much time to find out.
TAYLOR:
You got the scene?
You good?
Yeah.
First priority's up here.
I got uniforms keeping the crime scene secure downstairs till you get there.
Keep me posted.
All right.
And work fast.
The manager said everyone who handled the ice bottles was told to wear gloves.
Everyone but our killer.
The dirty underbelly of show business.
It can't all be glitz and glamour.
Tonya Nettles would not disagree with that.
It's been a long time since I've been stood up on a date.
More wine, sir?
Sorry, Danny.
Something came up.
Phone's not working, or...?
I'm really sorry.
Are we all right?
Yeah. 
Sure.
These are the ice versions of the commercial product.
They were filled with vodka for the party.
All right, so this lift is operated from upstairs.
Think those are from someone at the party?
Well, they weren't our vic's.
She wasn't wearing feathers this color.
From her killer?
Well, if they are, looks like he flew the coop.
You're Tonya's boyfriend?
I was visiting my parents up in Beaver Kill, and I got stuck on the Tapanzee Bridge coming back.
I thought she'd be so mad if I was late, so I changed in the car on the way here.
Miss, you were asked to stay inside till the detective talked to you.
I needed a cigarette.
I've been here all night.
It's nearly 5:00 a.m. When was the last you saw Tonya Nettles?
Not until her grand entrance.
She was in the basement primping.
I was up here working.
Is there anyone that can vouch for that?
The manager.
Won't let you go pee without asking him first.
Take a minute.
I'll be right back.
Get anything?
Negative.
The bouncer said nobody left the bar after Tonya was discovered.
So our witness list might be our suspect list.
MAN (over PA):
Runners, take your marks.
CROWD:
Three! 
Two! 
One!
MAN (over PA):
Runners, proceed with caution.
Please follow the cones.
The course has been diverted.
Please follow the cones.
Proceed with caution.
The course has been diverted.
Please follow the cones.
TAYLOR:
Looks like he was pushed, hit his head on the curb.
With all the crap on the ground, he could have easily lost his foong.
Lost more than his footing.
What makes somebody want to run 26.2 miles anyway?
TAYLOR:
Read the sign.
HAWKES:
Brightness of the blood, lividity of the face-- classic signs.
Of?
Cyanide poisoning.
In the middle of a marathon? 
How?
The aid station.
Hey! 
No more water!
Shut this station down!
The water's bad!
Let's get it out of here!
Pour it out! 
Pour it out!
Dump it! 
Dump it!
TAYLOR:
Be thorough.
Every cup.
Anything you can find.
The volunteers wear gloves, so even if one of them did poison our vic, we wouldn't get any prints.
Could still get poison trace.
True.
Mac?
It's a high pressure valve.
An odd thing to find at a marathon.
(siren blaring)
Senior Vice President, Latchford Financial Partnerships.
A player.
Cause of death was definitely not natural.
He was in superb shape.
Lungs, heart, all the vital organs, near perfect.
So you're saying he's actually still alive?
Tox came back negative for cyanide poisoning.
There's also this.
Looks like frostbite.
Yeah.
Related to COD?
Well, he didn't freeze to death, if that's what you mean.
It's 90 degrees out there.
Bright red blood color, facial lividity.
Rapid system failure.
Cyanide's not the only substance that would cause these symptoms.
Right. 
So, what else could it be?
Well, possibly a hemoglobin inhibitor, like carbon monoxide.
CO molecules absorbed by red blood cells destroy the blood's ability to carry oxygen, leading to tissue death and organ failure.
Same symptoms as cyanide.
Just my opinion, but cyanide seems a lot simpler way to kill someone.
Murder's never simple, Doctor.
You ready?
Warming up as we speak.
Looks like some sort of egg, but the ELISA will tell us for sure.
Enzyme linked immunosorbent assay.
You're soaking in it.
Fish eggs.
What are fish eggs doing on a marathon runner's shirt?
Autopsy results?
This is a good one.
A runner who somehow has frostbite on his face in 90-degree heat, who died of carbon monoxide poisoning in the middle of Central Park.
That's just...
**
An interesting case.
Tonya Nettles was stone cold sober.
Aren't most people when they're at work, Sid?
I'll ignore the implication of your question, Detective.
I only remark on it because the young lady's blood alcohol content was zero percent but her stomach was filled with vodka.
That happens how?
The alcohol entered her body either at the time of death or immediately afterwards.
I'd say the vodka came in via this wound in her stomach.
Well, the waitresses were pouring vodka from bottles made of ice.
You know, the promoter said that she was supposed to be holding a big ice scepter when she came up.
Which is also filled with vodka.
I also found this trace on her cheek over her make-up-- some kind of grease.
Tonya had a compact.
She would have checked her face last.
Did she have any trace on her hands?
Nary a one.
If she didn't put it there herself...
We have to find out who did.
BONASERA:
The nozzle was modified to allow the largest possible burst of gas.
TAYLOR:
Which would maximize and accelerate the effect.
Combined with fatigue at mile 25 of a marathon...
Less than a second's worth of the gas would have been enough to kill.
Explains the frostbite also.
Adiabatic cooling of the gas due to rapid pressure drop.
Exacerbated by the nozzle modification.
The gas would have been ice cold.
I think this nozzle is one piece of our murder weapon.
Who uses carbon monoxide?
Well, there are several practical applications.
Calibration of home gas detectors, semiconductor fabrication.
It's also a preservative, right?
Yeah, but that doesn't help us much.
BONASERA:
You know what does help us?
Is the fact that this was a premeditated attack on a specific target, and there has to be a motive out there somewhere.
Flack and his guys talked to all the volunteers and spectators, right?
He didn't find anyone with a connection to the victim.
All right, we have the how, but not the who or the why.
Time to cast our net a little wider.
Let's re-examine the crime scene.
All right.
You still with us?
Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, I just--
I can't get over the fact that this happened and that no one saw anything.
I've been going over these feathers.
They're mostly rooster, ostrich, that sort of thing.
More than likely came from the costumes the waiters were wearing at the party.
You getting anything back off the print from the scepter?
Nothing in AFIS, but I did get a source for the smear on Tonya's cheek.
Soy oil.
Some kind of make-up?
Soy oil's significant property is its ability to withstand extreme cold.
From the hydraulic lift at the club.
But the way that platform was set up,
Tonya couldn't have touched the grease.
Well, transferred to Tonya by somebody she worked with maybe?
No CODIS hit on the blood from the safety pin, and the DNA sample from the gum was too corrupted to say anything more than that it came from a woman but we do know it's not from Tonya Nettles.
I'm pulling a list of employees.
DANNY:
There's our boy, Flack, the manager from the club.
FLACK:
All right, let's go.
Colin Flynn?
That's me.
NYPD.
We got a couple of questions for you, all right?
Do I have to answer?
I'm a cop, not a lawyer, but yeah, you do.
What's that under your eye, Mr. Flynn?
My cat scratched me.
Yeah, I got to tell you--
I don't know what you think, Detective-- but you don't really look like a cat person to me.
You sure you didn't hurt yourself at work last night?
Maybe playing peek-a-boo with some of the girls at the party?
Okay, sure, I was checking out that girl.
I wanted to see if she'd fit in that tiny little costume.
She caught me.
What can I say?
Get the hell out of here.
We're gonna need to get your fingerprints.
You're going to charge me with something?
You want us to?
Hey, that's harassment, man.
DANNY:
You know what?
You're right.
You're right.
It's my fault.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You can go.
Go ahead.
That was good.
You like that?
Yeah.
Got it?
Got it.
I've matched Owen Reid's projected finish time with the runners he would have crossed the finish line with.
Extrapolate backward and you get the group who would have been in the area where he fell.
According to the race splits, these three runners were with Reid at the 10k, half- marathon, and 20k marks.
Interestingly enough, this one here--
Michael Gibson-- was involved in a lawsuit against Reid.
Something about a bad $40 million investment.
Seems like Owen Reid gave this Michael Gibson a serious run for his money.
Hmm.
And a motive for murder.
TAYLOR:
Mr. Gibson, we're looking into the death of a colleague of yours in the marathon yesterday.
Yeah, I heard it, uh, it might have been a heart attack.
You don't seem upset.
Well, everyone knows the risks of running a marathon.
Hmm, last man standing sort of thing?
Something like.
You wouldn't have happened to help him fall, perhaps?
County.
I wouldn't need to cheat to beat Owen Reid, no.
We found traces of Vaseline on Mr. Reid's back-- a handprint with streaks of blood in it.
Is that going to be your blood?
I don't know. 
Should it be?
We have photos of the finish line.
You had blood on your shirt when you crossed.
When you run, various parts of your body chafe enough to bleed.
So we use Vaseline.
It helps a lot.
Owen was fading, so I gave him a slap on the back as I took off.
Just a friendly slap?
No, there was nothing friendly about it.
I was going to beat his ass.
He's dead, Mr. Gibson.
His lawsuit isn't. 
Being dead, it's not going to stop him.
It might slow him down a little, but that's about it.
Why don't you just quit while you're ahead?
You got enough blood on your hands already.
We'll need a DNA sample.
GIBSON:
Yeah.
I thought you might.
Why don't we get his prints as well?
seeing as Mr. Gibson here is in such a giving mood.
Yeah.
Colin's prints came back negative.
So is he off the hook?
Blood still puts him at the scene.
So what else do we got?
Do you want to go get some lunch?
Danny, Mac wants us to wrap this up.
Sure, but he doesn't want us to starve to death.
What else did Adam say?
What do you mean?
I mean, that's who you were talking to, right?
Yeah, but what makes you think he said anything else?
I just want to go get something to eat.
All right.
The gum you found?
He matched it to the dental impressions from the vic.
Nothing.
The DNA and teeth impressions both negative?
Negative.
I'm gonna go back and look at the gum.
No, no, no, no, Adam, Adam looked at the gum.
I just want to grab a slice.
I'm starving here.
Where am I?
We need to connect someone to this nozzle.
Somebody had to see something.
Owen Reid was lying almost directly on top of this sign.
But it was found 50 yards down the road from the nozzle.
It couldn't belong to the killer.
Maybe it could lead us to a witness.
Now... none of these footprints have enough individualizing characteristics to be unique.
But... take a look at this.
BONASERA:
A bicycle, maybe?
Or a stroller.
Some people like to run with their kids.
But this tread pattern is too narrow to be a stroller.
It's a wheelchair.
Still have those results?
Yeah. 
Uh...
Okay. 
According to this,
Owen was on track to finish the race in three hours and 20 minutes.
Only one wheelchair finished in that time.
Looks like I found my witness.
I checked your stats, you ranked in your age group.
You've only been racing for five years.
That's how long I've been at a chair.
I wasn't born like this.
Guy jumped a median on the belt parkway and pow, didn't even see it coming.
He walked away from it, and I haven't walked since.
You said on the phone you had some questions about Owen Reid.
You knew him?
I read the papers.
Did you see anything?
I saw him go down.
I just thought maybe he slipped, on those paper cups.
What happened to your hands?
Just before that guy fell
I crashed as well.
Someone got in my way and I went down hard.
That's the repair I'm doing.
So you didn't see anything at all?
One of the disadvantages of being in a wheelchair, you don't see things the way you used to.
They look different.
Well, thank you, Mr. Keith.
If I have any further questions,
I'll be in touch.
The fish eggs are from Masago.
Smelts.
Yeah.
Widely used as a garnish for sushi.
Popular and cheap.
So no immediate source that links to our suspect.
Well, not unless Owen Reid stopped at Norimaku while he was running up First Avenue.
Hey guys, you can come here for a second?
I talked to Richard Keith.
Not a lot of help, so I decided take another look at that nozzle.
You already checked for prints.
Well, given the blank we're drawing with Mr. Gibson, I figured it was good for another go-round.
All right, remember these indentations?
What am I looking at?
I think they're animal bite marks.
And that which bites leaves saliva.
Exactly.
And the mystery animal is?
Felis Lybica Sarda.
A Sicilian Wild Cat.
It's illegal to own because of its protected status.
But as in all things illegal--
There are people that just have to have one.
Yeah, several people have been fined in the last 12 months for having one in their possession.
Our only link to a suspect is a cat's DNA?
A cat that's owned by a person.
And you have a list of people.
As a matter of fact...
I do.
My landlord and me, we had an agreement.
It's still illegal to keep those animals in the city.
I had Psycho for six years.
Ever since I came from Sacramento.
All of a sudden there's this law.
I didn't even know.
Where is Psycho now?
Not in the tree, he died four days ago.
I buried him down there.
What happened?
Ate rat poison.
Someone in the building had a thing against against cats-- you, uh, you know how many sickos there are in this town?
Your vet told you it was rat poison?
He said it was cyanide.
Heather, I'm sorry, but we're going to have to examine Psycho.
You want to dig him up?
I'm sorry.
Is there any dignity left?
What do you got?
The gum we found at the crime scene was bubble gum but it had traces of spearmint and nicotine.
One of the waitresses was smoking before I talked to her and then she did a pop of that breath freshener.
She said she wasn't in the basement, though.
Well her breath tells a different story.
MONROE:
So you told the detective that you didn't go down into the basement.
That's right. 
I was up here working the party.
And did you go onto the stage after Tonya came up?
No. 
Look, I'm kind of in a hurry.
I have proof you were on the platform where Tonya was killed.
I wasn't there, I told you.
Your gum, Jennifer.
You left it behind.
Okay.
Look, I only went down there to sit on the throne.
Feel what it was like to be in the winner's seat for a change.
And did Tonya see you?
No one called me Terror Mom.
You look beautiful, Doctor Graystone.
Thank you Dr. Graystone.
Don't go doing anything fancy here.
- Ah!
- No!
Daniel, you'll kill your back.
What happened, babe?
Did you hurt yourself?
I'm all right. 
If you'll excuse me for a moment,
I'll be right back.
What are you doing here?
It's a party.
I love to party.
It's a private function with a guest list.
I'm not quite sure how you got in.
I donated a frak-load of money... just like all the others.
Clenched-ass gasbags in the room.
Museum doesn't care if my cubits have Tauron dirt all over them.
Just look at this... stockholders, friends.
So?
I wonder what they would think if they knew that you'd stolen my chip and killed two of my men.
We should get together while I'm on-world to discuss the situation.
- Did Vergis say something to you, Daniel?
- It's nothing.
Everything's going to be fine.
What did he say to you, babe?
It's about the U-87 contract.
He won't accept that we got the job, and he's yelling about his intellectual property.
No much merit to his arguments, but he could cause us a lot of trouble.
- Dr. Xander is at the gate.
- Yes, allow access.
Tell him I'll meet him in the lab.
You should go on to bed.
This might take some time, sweetheart.
- Really? 
You're gonna go like that?
- Uh-huhm.
Sorry. 
Try and get some sleep.
I know you haven't been sleeping well lately.
I worry about you.
Yeah.
You'll tell me the rest when you're ready, yeah?
Yes.
He's bluffing.
He knows we have the MCP.
That's not bluffing.
That's knowing.
No, but I mean, if he had proof, we'd be in court, or we'd be in jail by now.
Maybe if we go to jail, he doesn't get anything out of it.
I think... 
I think he wants to blackmail me.
He must have found something new.
Why else would he be here now?
Did he say something about blackmail?
Not in so many words.
He said that we should get together for lunch this week, and discuss our situation.
Our situation, that's it?
He also said that two of his men were killed in the MCP theft, but who knows if he's telling the truth?
Serge, have Sean bring the car around, we need to go back into town.
Look, I don't think you need to panic.
You didn't commit the break-in. 
He can't tie you...
I know, but the men I hired, are Tauron.
- Tauron?
- Who knows where their loyalty lies?
- Yes.
- Please the gods, Daniel,
Are you telling me you went to the Ha'La'Tha?
Not directly, no.
Not directly, but you went to the Tauron mob to rob a Tauron?
I take it back! 
Now I'm panicking!
- Very helpful!
- Frak me!
I need more from you in time of crisis, Cyrus!
All right let's...
- let's think this through.
- Yes.
I think you... you meet with Vergis, see what he wants.
Admit nothing. 
Agree to nothing.
Maybe he'll show his hand out.
That's better. 
Thank you.
Your car is ready, Daniel.
I'll be right up.
I need to see someone else first, find out who knows what.
Who? 
Your mob friend?
Welcome!
Okay.
Welcome back to Virtual Graystone Industries.
I represent Daniel Graystone and I'm here to get you started on your adventure.
I need to find Tamara.
I can provide a variety of activities.
What are you interested in?
Getting my wife and daughter back!
Let's see, you like to play golf.
Go to any directional terminal...
- I don't need this.
- And enter the word "Golf."
I don't need menus.
Take me to the hacked worlds.
The product you have purchased only provides access to legally acquired and licensed applications.
Criminal penalties for accessing unlicensed areas can include a fine of up 352 cubits...
We have some business to discuss, if you can pull yourself away from my product for a minute.
What the frak are you doing?
An old lady very kindly let me in.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna have to talk to her about that.
I think you should get out.
You swore that Vergis would never find out.
You lied to me.
What are you talking about?
- He knows.
- Vergis knows?
About the MCP?
You people are supposed to be very good at this, which can only lead me to the conclusion that you set me up.
If Vergis knows,
- then he just found out.
- You set me up?
Somebody in your lab bragging?
Oh, no, this is no one on our end.
I've been covering up ever since that bloody chip landed in my hands.
It's impossible.
If Vergis knew, I'd be dead already.
Stealing from the friend of the Guatrau?
The Guatrau would have to make amends.
So let's talk about something real, OK?
I got a visit from a kid, said he talked to Tamara.
That's a scam.
You lied to me about that!
She's gone. 
Both our daughters are gone!
No, she's there!
- It's impossible!
- I told you before!
Hey, son, it's okay. 
Go back to bed.
You're wrong.
You better watch your step.
Let's go Sean.
I wonder what they would think if they knew that you'd stolen my chip... and killed two of my men?
And killed two of my men?
Traffic is jammed on the 802 driveway this morning due to the latest Holocafe bombing.
Authorities will only say they suspect STO involvement, but have no leads...
Who's setting these bombs?
We think it's Barnabus.
The STO cells should be battening down, not calling attention to them...
Clarice, listen, it's not important, okay.
No but it's just infuriating, that's all.
We'll deal with Barnabus later.
Now, Olaf has found something
I believe will be very helpful for us, so please, just listen.
It's cutting-edge.
It's called "The Swipe Drive".
It interfaces wirelessly to compress and copy data.
So, if Zoe's programs were in a computer and we used that...
Then we'd have it.
We would be able to re-create the living Zoe avatar.
Just like he did, and as a matter of fact, we believe that we could create living avatars for any dead person, as long as they have enough data stored on the system.
Well, it's not just a living avatar.
It's a continuation of the soul into eternity.
I mean, that's what we all knew it was about, and I'm certain that's what Daniel was talking about
- Yes, yes.
- on "Sarno".
And Zoe's avatar program must be on Graystone's computer at his home lab.
Now, we need you to go there and get that program.
Hello?
Hello. 
This, um, Sister Clarice from Zoe's school.
Oh, hey, Sister.
Please, call me Clarice.
Um, what I wanted to say was that I... saw you on "Sarno", and I thought you were wonderful, and I just wanted to tell you that.
Thank you so much... that's, um...
It's incredibly kind of you to call and tell me that.
And, um, actually, I just wanted to... come 'round if I could... you know, my way of saying goodbye, seeing her room.
Yeah, well, if you'd called a couple of days ago...
The GDD... they... they searched the room, and they... they took everything.
I'm afraid there's nothing left to see, Clarice.
It's... it's an empty room.
Oh.
Well, um...
I have some books, actually.
I...
Zoe left some books at school.
I could, um, bring them 'round to you, if you like.
I mean...
You know why this is bad, right?
If the Guatrau finds out we stole from an other Tauron, he's gonna want to know why.
Is there anything that they can link back to us?
If you got time to ask if a bullet's coming at your head, there probably isn't.
If it's gonna blow back on me, I need to know.
Did you do your job?
Hey, I handled my business, now you go out and you handle yours.
You know I would deny it in public, but I really believe that you cannot get a truly excellent Tauron steak.
I always find that you have to over season.
What are you doing?
Hmm?
You come all the way here.
You accuse me of theft.
You accuse me of murder, for the gods' sake.
And now we're sitting here discussing...steaks.
We can do both at the same time.
I didn't steal your chip, and I didn't kill anyone.
There.
Now, if you'll excuse me...
No no no. 
Shh shh shh.
Stop.
I moved on.
You moved on?
Then why are you here?
I'm here to buy the Caprica City Buccaneers.
I'm sorry. 
What?
You didn't see it coming.
I was waiting to see the look on your face.
I'm offering 300 million cubits.
Why?
Maybe I got Pyramid Fever.
Maybe I'm looking for a way to put our past unpleasantness behind us.
Or just maybe...
I know... to appease your board, you promise to get the MCP to work, and for that, you need cold, hard cash.
Are you kidding?
12 planets and not one woman is interested in me.
But... what would it say if I checked robots?
Hmm?
You'd go out with me, right beautiful?
Yeah, you know, you can laugh if you want, but you know, I'd take you out, get the joints moving, maybe a little bit of dancing...
What are you doing?
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Re-examine the U-87's left arm solenoid.
There's no smoking in the lab, Doctor.
Put it out.
Barnabus, Lacy said something about Zoe and Ben.
Mm-hmm.
Finishing what they started.
She needs our help.
Look, I wouldn't be bringing this to you if I wasn't sure we could trust her.
Pain keeps our brain from going down bad path.
Get in here. 
I'll show you.
Another time.
I think we were talking about my friend.
Yeah, bring her, that's fine.
If God has guided her to us, we'll hear her out.
Of course if it's not god guiding her, we'll deal with that too.
They just don't understand apotheosis.
They don't want it.
No, they just don't get it.
If the conclave would grant me an audience,
I could make them see the value of it.
They are supporting Barnabus, and you are going to have to accept that.
God calls on us to display humility and place our trust in his emissaries.
But he just does the church's dirty work.
He's not one of God's emissaries.
I have a plan, and I can make it happen.
I just need to be given a little bit more time, and then I can hand them something glorious.
An afterlife that we can... that we can see and touch.
I just need a little bit more time.
Well, what if he really does just want the C-Bucs?
When you first got 'em, you sent out announcements
- like you'd had a baby.
- That's not him.
You got to have a heart to love the game.
Well, whatever.
If he's got 300 million cubits to throw our way, let him.
- We need the money.
- We won't need it once we give the government our prototype, and I don't want to hear anything
- about not being able to duplicate the MCP.
- You have to face it.
We can't do it.
- We've tried everything.
- Everything, really?
No, actually, when I say "everything,"
I mean "everything except for one more thing,"
because I really love dragging this out.
You're frustrated.
I'm way beyond frustrated.
There's something about this MCP we don't understand, and you know why? 
Because you frakkin' stole it.
- It's not ours.
- Shh, shh.
Well, lucky for us Daniel, the one guy who knows that for sure, he's busy trying to throw us wads and wads of sweaty cash.
The sweaty cash is bait for some kind of a trap.
I know it.
I just need to try and figure out what kind of mechanism it is.
Greetings, Sister Clarice.
Welcome to the Graystone residence.
I, uh, take it I'm supposed to respond to you.
Only if you wish.
I am called Serge.
Well that's an unfortunate name.
Ignore him.
Ignore him. 
Daniel's been programming all kinds of weird stuff into him lately.
Please come in.
Interesting home you have.
I thought you might feel that way about them.
About a bunch of stupid books?
Yeah, well, they're not just books, are they?
It's that they belonged to her.
Yes.
That they belonged to her.
You know I don't have much left of her now, thanks to Agent Duram.
Pff, Agent Duram.
Do you know him?
He conducted a search of the lockers at the academy.
He terrorized the staff and the students.
That motherfrakker.
I'm sorry, Clarice.
Oh, it doesn't bother me at all.
You'd be shocked to hear the language the teachers use in the lunchroom.
Well, thank you very much for this.
It means a great deal to me.
Is... is that scorpion ambrosia?
Yeah. 
Do you know it?
Know it? 
I was practically weaned on it.
- Daniel hates it, hates it.
- Well, most Capricans do.
They think it's too strong, and it smells like sulfur.
I know. 
They're such babies.
Gods.
I know it's a bit early in the day, but why don't we try a little bit?
Clarice.
They took everything.
That's criminal.
- Yes, it is criminal.
- I'm sorry.
This room... it's just like a big open wound.
- Can I give you some more?
- Thank you.
They took absolutely everything... except for a few drawings in Daniel's lab.
Oh, you've got some drawings of Zoe's in his lab?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, they couldn't go in there, because there's a very important defense project going on.
Do you want to see them?
I don't know. 
Are we allowed in there?
Who's this?
That's what I want you to figure out.
He's a witness in a case.
I'll give these to Fred.
Mm, no no, no.
Not a PI, it's, um, confidential.
I need you to find this kid.
Okay.
This is from the... third and fourth grade.
This one.
"Dad works hard. 
Love Zoe."
These have been here for so long,
I don't even notice they're there anymore.
Perhaps you should take them upstairs... in a more public place, have them around you.
Yeah, maybe I will.
Maybe I will.
Ooh, that's a scary thing.
Oh yeah, that.
That is the very, very important defense project that Daniel's been working on...
Frakking ugly monster.
Did Zoe ever tell you about how much she hated Daniel's work?
Mm, no, actually, I don't think she did.
Oh, she hated it.
She hated it.
Gods, she'd have hated this.
Frakkin' killer robots in her house?
She'd have gone frakking nuts.
She did say that she loved this house.
No, not this house.
Mm, she talked about growing up here, and planting a garden with you.
Not this house.
It was the other house... that burned down when she was five.
Here I go... dark territory again.
But, listen, Clarice.
I am very drunk, and I am very glad that you came over.
I would like to thank you.
I'm just happy to give.
Barnabus?
Welcome.
Come in.
Sit down.
So, uh, tell me, Lacy, what is it exactly that you need from me?
Um...
You got some, uh, cargo you want to move off-world?
What? 
What is it?
Right, right. 
Um...
I can't tell you that.
But Zoe died trying to get it to Gemenon.
I owe it to her to see her plan through.
And you're asking for my assistance, yet you're not telling me what I'm getting myself into.
What gets unleashed when this thing gets to Gemenon?
If you actually knew, then you would be criminally liable.
You're a very bright girl.
Thank you.
I can't help you. 
I don't want to.
Go.
- No.
- Now!
What were you thinking bringing her here?
She was Zoe's friend.
You know how much Zoe meant to the movement.
No, what I know, is that you've gotta stop thinking with your tarse.
Maybe this is all about you feeling guilty about building the bomb that blew up her friends.
Hey! 
Don't say that! 
She doesn't know that, and... and I didn't know he was gonna use it for that.
Yeah, well, maybe, you need to explain to her how God doesn't want us keeping secrets.
I need to know that she's with us.
I need to know the same about you too.
Huh.
Look, just... just find out what the cargo is, and then we'll talk, huh?
Someone's about to get lucky.
Rumors that Thomas Vergis has made an offer for a key franchise, the Caprica City Buccaneers.
In the wake of the bombings, the GDD has raised the threat level to seri...
Okay, folks, thank you guys so much for coming out tonight.
We have a fantastic show.
Our first guest has been called one of the brightest minds of the 12 colonies.
He's an inventor. 
He's an innovator.
He's a philanthropist.
And from what I understand, an excellent kisser.
Ladies and gentlemen, give a big welcome to Thomas Vergis.
Thomas Vergis, ladies and gentlemen.
Here... oh, here he comes. 
Looking good, hey.
You look well sir.
I look well-fed.
Mm-hmm well, here's a gift...
Tauron cigars.
Oh!
I am going to share these with my capable and excellent staff.
Staff look over there.
No brandy?
- You like brandy.
- I like brandy.
Well, let's talk about a re-book.
Okay, wow.
All right, so, Bucs versus Bulls,
Graystone versus Vergis... these are classic rivalries.
No, no, no, I can't believe you're going there.
Danny Graystone and I...
we're friendly competitors.
We are not deadly rivals.
We were at a museum exhibit together last night.
Last night? 
Who won?
Look, we don't fight.
Danny makes Holobands, he's a toy maker.
I'm in a completely different business.
Come on!
I'm sorry, no bad blood there.
I don't know if you saw, uh, recently, he and his wife were on the show.
Yes, I did.
Amanda Graystone...
beautiful, intelligent woman.
My heart goes out to them and everyone who suffered in that terrible and senseless bombing.
It's, um... it's a funny thing... tragedy.
It makes you realize where your heart belongs, and I was educated on Caprica.
You know that.
And I have a couple of homes here.
Well, we can all relate to that.
Well, I, um...
I started to think about where I belong, and... how I felt inside.
Oh.
And we're all Capricans.
I may as well make it official.
I'm gonna get my citizenship.
You cagey genius.
Wow.
Caprica loves you Thomas Vergis.
I know what he's up to.
Caprica loves you.
- ...to turn to the book of the word...
- Are you ready to meet the love of your...
♫ I want to hold you in my arms ♫
♫ I want to hold you ♫
♫ in my arms ♫
♫ I want to... ♫
Yes.
♫ Oh Rachel ♫
Thank you.
Hey.
Are you alright?
That could have been bad. 
Are you okay?
Nothing but a bruised-back story.
I mean, how do people wear these things?
They're not, huh, they're not good for you.
I know. 
They throw off your center of gravity and totally change the curve of your spine.
I mean, they're just not natural.
I'm... 
I'm Philomon.
Oh, thank the gods.
I... 
I thought that was you standing over there, but I was kind of too shy to say anything.
I'm... 
I'm Rachel from... from V-Mat.
Hi...
Hi.
You know, you... you look familiar.
Oh my gods, you... you lo... you look like Zoe Graystone.
Is that a problem?
Uh, well, no, but I, um...
'Cause I mean, I'm...
I'm sure that, you know, you don't look like you know, like this.
I... 
I... 
I do actually.
Oh.
So, now I feel like an idiot.
Oh, no, no, not at all.
Um, it's just, uh... a bold statement is what I was trying to say.
Honestly, Philo?
Can I... can I call you Philo?
Uh, yeah, sure.
I thought looking like the most hated girl in the 12 worlds would keep all the pervs away from me in the V-Club.
Fact is... it... it actually made more of them come towards me.
But then I tried having different avatars, and, well, honestly,
I was just a little cash poor, but...
No, that's cool.
No, it's cool.
You know, despite what people say about Zoe Graystone,
girl had principles.
Frak.
Clarice, can you hear me?
Can I get you anything?
She's drinking again, and God knows what else.
And she's convinced herself she can talk her way into military labs.
She did it.
It's activated.
Faith, Olaf.
Come on.
No no! 
Aah!
Just, take it!
Gods, please stop!
- Help! 
Aah!
- No, please, stay out!
Still, you wonder what they would think if they knew you'd stolen my chip and killed two of my men.
Killed two of my men.
You okay?
Yeah, just a nightmare.
About Zoe?
No.
- Let's go to sleep.
- Okay.
Hello?
Joseph?
Evelyn?
Sorry, I overslept.
Grab yourself some coffee.
I found the guy.
I hope that's who you were looking for.
- Great.
- And I hope it's worth it.
It is.
It's, uh... yeah.
Ooh. 
You okay?
What?
Oh, that's...
I got some Tauron on me.
Oh! 
A tattoo.
Can I...?
I mean, is it okay if I...?
Sure.
That's good work.
Um.
Yeah, listen, uh... 
I gotta go.
I gotta go. 
If I'm even a minute late,
I have this assistant who yells at me.
She's a horrible woman, terrible.
Let me, uh... 
let me get my coat and stuff.
I'll be right back down.
I take it this means that you have considered my offer.
I have indeed, and I consider it unacceptable.
I'm keeping the Bucs.
I'm sure, given what's happened between us, you're willing to discuss it.
We just did. 
I'm not selling.
Veiled threat duly noted, though.
You know, if you keep going around making empty threats, you're going to seem rather toothless.
Toothless?
That's not to say that I haven't been enjoying the little show you've been putting on... painting yourself Caprican, to try to take the military contract away from me.
Ah, I'm after the military contract.
Very clever, saluting a new flag, cheering our home team.
I think your best bet though, might be to... to simply marry a Caprican woman, if you dare.
It's a really good theory, and you're in the ballpark.
Uh, I would.
I would love to take that contract from you, 'cause after all, you would deserve that, but you seem to think that the C-Bucs are a means to an end for me, and... they're not.
They're crucial.
Crucial in what way?
You love Pyramid.
As a boy, you played Pyramid.
It was everything to be a C-Buc.
I wasn't very good, I'm afraid.
Well, geeks never are.
But you did the next best thing.
You bought the whole franchise, and now you get to be the puppet master with a professional ball club and your eight or ten-year-old runs around in the joy of it... the joy of it.
That's true.
I do love it.
It's your dream.
My dream is to tear up your dream.
You stole from me.
Well...
I forgive that. 
That's good business.
But the two deaths that you are responsible for... those men were like brothers to me.
I am Nonoss to their children.
See these?
These represent the children in my life...
My children... my children, my sister's, my God's children.
These two are orphans.
I am Tauron... blood for blood.
I did not kill those men.
I had nothing to do with it.
You need time and money to try to get my chip to work, so... frak the 300 mil.
I'll give you 500. 
I'll take the team.
I don't know if I'll ruin them or win a championship, but... whatever cuts you deeper.
Then...
I will find the next thing you love.
Eventually, I will destroy your company, but before that, you have so many precious things.
Until the debt is paid.
Thank you for the drink.

Previously on Caprice:
Zoe] Pm trapped in this robot body but I don'! 
Want my father to know I exist.
[Amanda] It's our job, we create life, and then one day we...
[Willie] I'm learning so much, hanging out with my uncle and his pals.
- What are you doing here?
- I was helping.
No, you always go to school first thing, all right?
You wait for them to take attendance, then you skip.
You stick around here till three and then I take you home. [speaks Tauron]
I've decided to accept responsibility for my company's impact on society.
- [Sarno] Daniel Graystone.
- [applause]
My company will make no more profit on the Holobands or V-World licensing.
That's 60% of our net.
Hold me to it, Caprice.
[Tamara] 5 woke up in the virtue! 
work!
Without knowing how I got here.
5 need to find someone who can show me the Way home.
If this is a dream, I think it's too long.
I don't think this is a dream.
This is the door, all right?
Come on, you'll be free.
[Joseph] Tamara's avatar was my last hope of getting her back.
Remember, it's going to seem real, but it's all virtual.
Tamara!
- Tamara is really gone?
- I'm sorry, but we can't save them.
[Sam speaks Tauron]
Morning. 
Anybody home?
Hey, what are you doing here?
It's a school day.
Yoseef, get up. 
Yoseef.
Yoseef. 
I said get up.
Come on, up.
- Hey.
- [Sam] Come on.
- Where are you going?
- Taking Willie to school.
- I'll take him.
- It's all right. 
He's late.
No, just hang on a second.
I'll get changed.
Dad, it's OK. 
I kind of want Uncle Sam to take me.
Go wait.
You going to work today?
- You going to work today?
- Yeah.
It's been a rough couple of weeks.
- It's not as bad as it looks.
- No? 
'Cause it looks pretty frakked up.
- Why don't you mind your own business?
- This isn't business. 
This is family!
You're a Tauron, Yoseef.
You remember that'?
No. 
No, I'm a Caprican.
Isn't that what you always tell me? 
Hm!
You call yourself whatever you want, but first you be a father.
And when you can manage that, maybe I'll introduce you to your son.
- No, I...
- Wake up, brother.
Come on.
[sighs]
- [dance music] 
- Um... excuse me.
- I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry.
- [man] Hey, what the frak?
- [woman] Hey!
- Thanks. 
I'm sorry.
- [man] Watch it.
- I'm looking for someone named Vesta.
- I know she's here.
- How did you get to the front?
- There a problem here'?
- [man] Pushing her way through.
[Tamara] I need to talk to Vesta.
Look, I am stuck here and I can't get out.
I heard she can help me get home.
Please just let me talk to her.
If she can't help me, I will leave.
OK, we'll let you talk to her.
But we get to watch.
[Vesta] Here we go. 
Here we go.
One thousand. 
Put your bets down.
Let's go. 
OK.
A thousand?
Is this all you're gonna bet? 
OK.
OK, let's play. 
Let's play. 
Yeah?
We got a taker. 
Bad dress.
- Claims she's stuck.
- OK.
1,500 to you.
Grip, pull...
- Fire.
- [gunshot] [cheering]
What just happened? 
Where did he go?
He de-rezzed. 
He's gone.
- Gone where?
- Wherever. 
Home.
Home...
- I wanna play.
- You're the girl who can't get out.
- People have been talking about you.
- Look, I need to get outside.
I need to go home.
Can you please help me?
- Take off your band, baby.
- I can't!
[man] She's not de-rezzing.
- [man] What's up with her?
- Vesta. 
Vesta, she didn't de-rezz.
[man] No way. 
It's freaking me out, man.
Hm. 
What do we have here?
- [man] She's not de-rezzing.
- Shh.
- [woman] It's true.
- Shh. 
It's gonna be all right.
You and I are gonna help each other.
Shh.
[Vesta] The pain should zap you out of the program and you have to relaunch your avatar, but you...
- [Tamara] Can't.
- Don't have to. 
She's a sleeper.
It's supposed to be a myth.
Someone who fell asleep with their Holoband on and can't wake up.
Somebody would have woken me up by now.
Maybe you're unconscious, in a coma.
There must be something wrong with your band. 
It should have timed out.
But we can hack it, do a manual disconnect.
There's some kind of price, isn't there?
What do you want me to do?
Play a little game, that's all.
- A game?
- Yeah. 
Help me settle an old score.
You play the game, I get you home.
She's not bleeding.
I've never seen anyone heal before.
- Not in V-World.
- [Vesta] Clean her up.
Get her some new clothes.
You're going now.
- {phone rings] - [sports commentary on TV]
Yes, hi. 
This is Joseph Adama.
This is Principal Andrews calling to check on Willie.
- What?
- He's been out sick.
No, no, no. 
He's been at school.
Well, he's missed several days in a row now.
You've gotta be... 
How long?
Since the middle of last week.
Oh, my gods. 
I get that.
That's simple. 
It's so...
Put the tray down, take the apron off and come with me.
Why don't we go out back?
It's quieter there. 
We could talk.
We've got nothing to talk about.
You frakking pinon blax.
That's nice. 
A little Tauron comes in useful once in a while, doesn't it?
- Let's go.
- Here's a little Tauron saying for you.
- I did not lose my son.
- Oh, really?
Then what are you doing here?
[Tamara] Where are you taking me?
[boy] This tunnel leads us to a different section of V-World.
It's a first-player game. 
Once we're there, we'll take out a big player.
Clean out his in-game bank account like a... 
like a heist.
None of us can come close to pulling this off 'cause this guy's got security.
That's not gonna be a problem for you, OK?
- What are you talking about?
- You'll see.
Now get ready. 
Here we go.
[car alarms wail]
I'm outside.
Wait. 
Is this Caprice?
[boy] It's a virtual Caprica, a digital recreation, but it's lawless.
anything goes.
[rattling]
- Get down!
- [screams]
What is this place?
!
Welcome to New Cap City.
So this whole city is like a game?
Yeah. 
It's kind of like a different version of Caprica City.
They update it so it matches.
Even the place where the MAGLEV train blew up is here.
A MAGLEV train blew up?
- How long have you been sleeping?
- I don't know.
OK, what's the object of the game?
It's a mystery.
It's almost like figuring out the object of the game is the object of the game.
But we think it's about getting things that convert into points, like money,
- or weapons...
- So no one's ever finished it?
- Or won it?
- Not yet.
There's this thing.
When you die in the game, you're out and you can't ever come back.
But with you, I might actually have a shot.
OK, so our target is Chiron.
He's a fat cat. 
Likes to hang in this club on the lower east side.
- To you.
- Cheers. 
Bottoms up.
Back booth. 
Don't look, just glance.
It's Chiron. 
The horse.
Best gamer in the city.
You're gonna pull security away and I'll grab his avatar, OK?
If he's the competition, why don't you just kill him?
His avatar is more useful to us.
It gets us into his vault, then we have his money.
His virtual money.
Well, that's how you win the game.
- You think.
- That's right.
The deal is, you help us win the game and Vesta gets you home.
Look, it's not real, OK?
It is to me.
[boy] You're gonna pull security away and I'm gonna grab his avatar.
Chiron.
You forgot to call me.
I can forgive you if you play it right.
I'm sorry, dear.
I have no idea who you are.
Now get the hell out of here.
No, you have to remember.
I mean, come on. 
It was so sweet.
You said that I could have anything that I wanted.
Don't you remember what I said?
I said that... I said... [sobs]
- [man] She didn't get sent back.
- [woman] What's going on?
[man] She should have de-rezzed already.
The game should have kicked her back.
What?
Come on, come on.
It's OK, all right? 
We're gonna be OK.
You did good.
You did great. 
You did great.
That just blows my mind.
Well, was it worth it?
Did you get what you needed?
Yeah. 
We totally did.
Look, just watch me now, Don't... 
Don't be scared.
[whirring]
You see? 
It's still just me.
Anything that's pure code can be manipulated.
Now we can get into his bank vault, lift his virtual cash and convert it into points in the game.
[whirring]
So we pull that off and Vesta helps you.
Look...
I know this must seem really random to you but this game, it really does mean something to me.
It actually allows me to be... something.
Maybe if you weren't in here playing this game, you could be something out there too.
[Willie] You look goofy.
You're gonna embarrass me.
[Joseph] I know there's a great spot just...
[Willie] This is so boring.
Let's just go home, please.
[Joseph] You're gonna be so happy when we're eating it. 
Delicious fish.
Come on.
You know, we haven't been here in a long time.
Since, uh... since we came here with your mom and Tammy last summer.
That was a great day. 
They were practically jumping on the line.
[sighs]
- Do you remember that?
- Not really.
Listen, Willie, if you ever wanna talk about anything, about Mommy or Tammy... [boy] Hey, what are you looking at?
I'm here for you. 
You know that, right?
Yeah. 
Um, could we just go home, please?
- There's no water.
- What are you talking about?
This is... 
The less water, the closer the fish are to the surface.
Everybody knows that.
Come on, get your rod.
Look at the little Tauron dirt-eater.
- You've been unreachable for a day.
- I'll call you back.
And your assistant won't look me in the eye.
I think it's time you told me what's going on.
The board called an emergency meeting.
I've been trying to figure out who's behind it.
Hm.
- Is it Atkinson?
- Well, it's everyone.
But, yeah, Atkinson, and Parker's gonna be the one doing the talking.
The others'll sit on their hands, let him go on about the stock price tanking, your decision to give up the V-World lic...
So if I don't come up with answers to the Holoband crisis, they're going to try to force me to step down from my own company.
[Cyrus sighs]
Do they, uh...
Do you think they have the votes?
- Can we just go, please? 
I wanna go.
- Just wait a little longer.
Don't you love the fresh air and the beauty out here?
It's much better than that smoke-filled room at Goldie's.
It's so boring. 
Can we please go?
I don't like it here. 
Can we please go?
Looks like it's gonna be dirt again tonight.
Just, listen, ignore that.
They're idiots.
- [Willie] You talking to me?
- Who else would I be talking to?
Hey, Willie, just ignore them.
Willie, put that down.
- It must be fun to have all that dirt.
- Willie.
- Really?
- Willie, get back here right now!
Willie! 
Hey! 
No!
- [boy] Get him! 
Get him!
- [Joseph] Willie!
- [Joseph] Hey! 
Hey!
- [girl] Get him off!
Come here. 
Stop it, Willie!
No! 
Come here!
Did I wake you up'?
No.
I wasn't sleeping. 
Not really.
Maybe a few minutes.
What's going on?
[sighs]
I... 
I think that, uh,
I might be losing my company tomorrow.
It's...
Do you remember when I was pregnant with Zoe?
We were living in that flat in Cloverdale.
And you were taking the bus all over town because that car that you loved never worked.
It worked.
We hadn't paid the rent for like three months.
You couldn't afford even upper-level Bucs tickets.
Things were really bad.
But you had a big fat meeting with MicroCap.
And you knew nobody wanted to see you in there, but you didn't care.
Someone had done you a favour.
So you worked on that thing for months, and on the day of the meeting, you fell in the pouring rain getting off the bus.
- You slipped helping some woman...
- Now I remember.
...with a stroller, and you landed on your ass on the sidewalk.
So you walked into that meeting in a soaking wet suit and what turned out to be a broken wrist, and you walked out of there with the deal that would start everything.
[man] You can't change the fact that he went on that show and killed the Holoband business.
Well, he didn't stick to the script, but on the flip side, our approval ratings sky-rocketed.
Exactly. 
And you think dumping the founder of this company now, in the middle of all this, you think that's going to help?
Daniel Graystone is the brand.
He's the public face of this corporation... [thudding]
- What is that?
- [thudding continues]
[Daniel] Hello, everyone.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
Uh, Daniel, I'd just like to say we all understand you're going through an awful lot right now.
- Holobands are over.
- Excuse me? 
Holobands are over?
The hacked sites are eating up more and more of our market share each quarter, and that's where the kids are going, because they're free.
And the next generation coming up, they'll expect it all to be free.
We can't own it forever.
We can either marshal all our resources and funds towards saving that sinking ship, or we can look for the next big thing, the next big leap forward that will change the worlds.
We either move into the future or we die trying to hold on to our past.
And this, this is our future.
Fancy machines that cost millions of cubits?
The cost is irrelevant, considering all that it can do.
U-87, make the circuit, please.
Take a nice look at all these fine folks.
Looks a little uncomfortable, doesn't it?
Do you find yourself wondering what it might be thinking, or feeling?
Well, that is the big leap forward, people.
Do you sense it?
Beyond artificial intelligence, this is artificial sentience.
Do you feel it? 
I feel it. 
Don't you?
I feel like there is a being inside this machine, something alive and vital.
And special. 
It's not our imagination.
Look at the test results.
There is a brilliant mind in here.
So in terms of practical applications...
Are you seriously asking me about the practical applications of creating another race that will walk beside us?
[chuckles]
Do you not understand the enormity of this creation?
It's more than a machine.
This Cylon will become a tireless worker who won't need to be paid.
It won't retire or get sick.
It won't have rights or objections or complaints.
It will do anything and everything we ask of it without question.
U-87, rip your arm off.
Go on.
Go on.
Looked a little painful, didn't it?
The desire to anthropomorphise, the need to connect, it's powerful.
And that is why this thing is going to sell.
We make them. 
We own them.
They're real.
And the worlds just changed.
So I believe you were going to take a vote?
[whirring]
Wait.
Take a powder.
I said blow.
[door opens]
[door closes]
This place is a bank?
Where did the security go?
And where's the vault?
The guards were pure code, not players. 
They are the security.
They scanned the Chiron avatar and it passed.
As for the vault, we're standing on it.
Vesta decoded the sequence from a puzzle across town.
It was encoded on manhole covers.
Really tough to get, but we got it.
So I'll just name off the signs and you step on them as I go, OK?
- [Tamara] OK, just hurry up.
- All right, you ready?
- Yeah.
- Picon.
- [musical note plays] 
- Caprica.
- [musical note plays] 
- Gemenon.
- [musical note plays] 
- Picon.
- [musical note plays] 
- Tauron.
- [musical note plays] - [whirring]
See how this registers as points?
It's gotta mean something.
This has to be the point of the game.
[alarm rings]
Oh, frak.
- How'd you do that?
- I don't know.
Gods, what are you?
[Joseph] Willie, do your homework.
[sighs]
Willie, stop that.
Stop it!
[knocking]
What have you been teaching him, Sam?
Same things we've been taught.
He's gonna be a man soon, Yoseef.
On Tauron, at his age, he already would be.
He's gonna make choices.
- I don't know what to do, Sam.
- You know what to do, Yoseef.
It's what you've been thinking about.
It's what you've been avoiding.
Too Tauron for you maybe, but not for your son.
You're losing him.
You are losing him, Yoseef.
Your son needs closure.
It's time to let Shannon and Tamara go.
Look past yourself and perform the rites, brother.
[Cyrus] You got the votes.
You better be right.
Indistinct news reports]
[doorbells chime]
[speaks Tauron]
Welcome to our home.
Tsattie, what's taking so long?
- What are you doing? 
Get out of here.
- [mutters]
- Just...
- I know what they're for.
GO, go:
You ready?
I'm ready.
[woman] I Inside my mind
I Shades of vision
I Fading photograph...
- [boy] You sure moved in fast.
- Did you get it?
She was amazing. 
Stopped the guards, messed with the codes.
Like hacking without even hacking.
Really? 
Interesting.
Bring it to me.
No.
You're gonna wake me up, get me home and then you get your money.
Yeah, well, see, I've been looking into that, and... 
I can't.
It's only a month old.
It's yellowing, but you can still make out the names on the list.
What a shame.
Tamara Adams, 16 years old.
615 Olympic Street, number 3, Caprica City.
Isn't that you, baby?
$0 young.
Wait. 
I don't get it.
What... 
What's the list?
- What's the list of?
- It doesn't matter.
You're dead, baby.
Does that explain why she can do what she did to the guards?
I think it might.
[woman] You're not going home, doll face.
[Vesta] Don't worry.
We've got plenty for you to do, baby.
I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You need to go to the real world.
You need to find my father.
You know the address. 
You heard it.
615 Olympic, number 3.
I'll wait for you in New Cap City so you can find me.
- I can't go back to the real world, OK?
- You could be something there.
Just take off your Holoband, OK?
You're not gonna die here.
Just go.
What are you?
I'm awake.
Do you have a coin for me, Yoseef?
I have a coin for my wife, Shannon Adama.
I have a coin for my sister, Tamara Adama.
Will you grant them passage?
They will have passage.
Will you let them go?
Yes.
Yes.
Will you bid them farewell?
Goodbye, Shannon.
Goodbye, Tamara.
Goodbye, Tamara.
Goodbye, Mom.
Then they will live forever in peace.
They will live forever in your hearts.
[woman sings in Tauron]
[doorbells chime]
I got it. 
That's a good one.
Hi. 
Can I help you?
Hey. 
Are you, uh, Joseph Adams?
It's Adama. 
How can I help you?
Tamara sent me.
What are you talking about?
She gave me this address, right?
OK, look, she's in V-World and she can't get out.
- If you can just help me...
- You saw her?
Yeah, but I think she's just sleeping or something.
So if you could just please go wake her up, she really needs that.
My daughter's dead.
She died in the MAGLEV attacks.
Oh, gods. 
I'm sorry.
You saw her in V-World?
You gotta take me there.
You gotta take me to see her. 
OK? 
Hey...
Hey!
Stop! 
Stop!
Oh!
Oh...
Hey!
Tammy.

NARRATOR:
There are 118 islands in French Polynesia.
There's Bora-Bora, Rangiroa, Moorea, and of course, the most famous of all, Tahiti.
The great surfers have all made this long trek across Tahiti.
Most often they are hosted by the legendary
Tahitian surfer Raimana Van Bastolaer.
VAN BASTOLAER:
My guest is Kelly Slater, a nine-time world champion.
Most people regard him as being the greatest surfer ever.
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
NARRATOR: 
On the far side of the island of Tahiti, near the village of Teahupo'o, there is perhaps the most dangerous wave on Earth.
Surfers call it "the demonic wave."
Hey.
KID: 
Hello.
Hey.
VAN BASTOLAER: 
I try to get the surfers here at just the right time when the waves are expected to get big and gnarly.
NARRATOR: 
It is Raimana that advises his guests when to come to Tahiti and surf the famous wave at Teahupo'o.
VAN BASTOLAER: 
It's a wave that's hard to predict because there are so many complex factors.
Wind, tides and distant storms.
It will come when it's good and ready.
NARRATOR: 
Ocean waves are echoes of the ebb and flow of vast energies moving through the solar system.
Gravity's invisible hand reaches out across empty space to shape the oscillating dance of the planets and their fluids.
The spin of the Earth and its tug of war with the moon and sun help shape the planet's currents and tides.
But it is the sun's radiant gaze that imparts the greatest energy.
Light's uneven heating induces the atmosphere and oceans to perform a chaotic ballet.
Currents of hot and cold chase an impossible equilibrium.
A zone of low pressure can draw in air from thousands of miles around, generating winds of enormous power.
(WHIMPERS)
VAN BASTOLAER:
When Kelly comes to Tahiti, the whole village comes out.
We have a big group of friends and everybody is invited.
Good surfers or bad, nobody gets left out.
That's what I love about surfing.
It's an honor to have so many great surfers come visit us, guys like Shano and my old friend Kelly.
SLATER: 
I often come here to tune up between competition, and I like to hang out with Raimana.
We call him the mayor of Teahupo'o.
He takes personal responsibility for everything, including the weather.
His goal is to make everyone on Earth happy all of the time.
The waves are perfect today.
Are you kidding me?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Check that, it's the worst wind we're having here.
SLATER: 
We need some swell.
We need something big.
It's going to come, you know, but, I don't know, maybe...
How do you say? 
The sun...
No, the moon, full moon, we got to wait for full moon, too.
You know?
Right now, this morning, on the way back...
VAN BASTOLAER:
Sometimes when the waves don't show up, you have to pretend you know more than you do, and just keep everyone busy.
We better get some big waves, you know?
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(LAUGHING)
(EXCLAIMING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Come on!
(YELLING)
(LAUGHING)
Whoo!
NARRATOR: 
The big Tahitian waves can pin surfers down until they drown.
Raimana insists his guests are well prepared both physically and mentally.
SLATER: 
Raimana pretends he is not the least bit competitive, but he would rather drown than come up for air before me.
NARRATOR: 
Perhaps a demonic wave is by definition unpredictable.
on rare occasions, the surf at Teahupo'o can be as gentle as a kitten.
VAN BASTOLAER:
When the waves are still small, all the little ones in the village know it's their turn to go surfing.
And it's time for me to get some lessons from Fa'arua, my neighbor's kid.
(MEN LAUGHING)
SLATER: 
Raimana would probably tell you that surfing is not something that can be taught.
Well, there may not be teaching going on around Raimana, but there's clearly a lot of learning.
(GRUNTING)
(EXCLAIMS)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
Raimana has the surfing talent to be a champion, or at least when he was young and skinny,
but he wouldn't compromise his family, not for a moment, not for a second.
Whoo!
(WHOOPING)
Oh.
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
It's beautiful, huh?
WOMAN: 
Yeah.
SLATER: 
But Raimana can get pretty restless waiting on the waves.
In Tahitian culture, there are dozens of gods that influence the waves and the weather.
We rely on his expertise.
(RHYTHMIC DRUMMING)
NARRATOR: 
The island of Tahiti and those nearby were born out of the deep.
Upwelling of a hot mantle plume from Earth's interior promoted melting of rock under the oceanic crust and the migration of magma toward the surface.
Over several million years, as the Pacific plate drifted over the hot spot, a chain of volcanoes was formed.
Depositing blankets of lava and debris, the volcanoes rose more than 10,000 feet from the seabed to the ocean surface,
and built great fiery mounds that would erode into mountainous islands.
All that now live on these islands arrived from elsewhere, drifting, swimming or flying above the ocean currents.
Plants, birds, fish, insects and humans gradually turned the black, sterile volcanic rock into a Garden of Eden.
Early explorers reported smelling the flowers of Tahiti long before their sailing ships appeared over the distant horizon.
VAN BASTOLAER: 
Our people came to the islands from across the Pacific 1,000 years ago in small canoes.
They must have had extraordinary courage.
Legend has it an ancient warrior named Pai threw his spear into the mountain peak on the island of Moorea.
It must be true, because you can see the hole in the rock to this day.
NARRATOR: 
Coral reefs eventually formed around the volcanic islands, growing thicker and sinking deeper, creating formidable barriers, but at the same time, protecting island beaches from the relentless pounding of the sea.
Deep-sea currents push cold, nutrient-rich water up the flank of the island.
Pounding waves and surge help pump dissolved gases and nutrients through the coral gardens, creating a density and diversity of life otherwise impossible in the warm, nutrient-poor waters of the South Pacific.
SLATER: 
I love coming to Tahiti because its reefs are still healthy and filled with life.
But the ocean is both warming and absorbing CO2, becoming acidic.
Sooner or later, if we aren't careful, we will destroy the reef and all that goes with it.
The fish, the people and the islands themselves.
I've seen reefs damaged all over the world.
NARRATOR: 
This world of light, energy and life is made possible only as a result of the volcanoes that formed these islands.
Without them, these islands would be 10,000 feet deeper, near freezing, and locked in perpetual darkness.
Here in the vast wilderness of the South Pacific is an oasis of extraordinary life, a world of vibrant beauty that has already vanished from much of the planet.
Yet here the reefs still sustain and inspire the people of Tahiti, and enchant visitors from around the world who come to dive, snorkel and surf.
The diversity of life in this place is tied to the corals.
They provide habitat and nourishment to both the smallest creatures and the greatest hunters.
SLATER: 
People worry a lot about sharks, but I don't give them too much thought, unless you were to fall on the reef and are bleeding in the water, that's not good.
You should probably get out of the water pretty fast.
(GRUNTS)
Raimana loves the paddleboard.
He can stand up and see the waves coming, and of course, Tahitians are the world's greatest paddlers.
(GASPS)
VAN BASTOLAER:
When the wind is north- northeast and the waves get at least three feet and building, then it's time to go surfing and everybody knows it.
(YELLS)
(PANTING)
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(WHOOPING)
VAN BASTOLAER: 
People ask me what makes Kelly so good.
I think he just loves surfing more than anyone else.
He never takes his eyes off the waves, always studying and thinking about how he can be better.
(GRUNTING)
(WAVES CRASHING)
VAN BASTOLAER:
Our culture is all about the sea.
Terrible storms and typhoons have killed many people, and their spirits seem to be with us all the time.
We have great respect and fear of the power of the ocean.
Sooner or later, all the villages have felt the anger of Ruahatu, the evil god of the sea.
NARRATOR:
over the centuries, countless ships and their crews have been driven to their doom on the shallow reefs of these volcanic islands, victims of the storms and typhoons of the South Pacific.
on the sea surface, wavelets form, shaped by turbulent air.
The water itself moves little, but its motion will transfer energy over great distance.
Small waves collide, sometimes canceling, and sometimes reinforcing each other as they organize into larger waves to carry the energy they have absorbed.
The roughened sea surface increases drag and promotes more interaction with the moving air, resulting in larger waves.
Bigger waves offer more surface to the wind.
Growth becomes exponential.
Storm winds transfer vast amounts of energy into the ocean.
Wave energy can reach hundreds of feet below the surface and travel around the planet before colliding with land.
When the swells reach Teahupo'o, local winds and weather will help shape their final form, delivering sculptural perfection or fluid chaos.
SLATER: 
Teahupo'o is unusually shallow, so you should try to avoid falling altogether, but at the same time, you have to prepare yourself mentally to get dragged over the reef.
It's the most dangerous wave we surf.
NARRATOR: 
At its peak, the lip of the barrel at Teahupo'o will heave some 20 tons of water over the head of a brave surfer.
VAN BASTOLAER:
If the wind is coming from the wrong direction, it can make the surface of the water very bumpy.
It's more about surviving than surfing.
When it's too big to paddle, you have to tow the surfer out.
I only tow out the very best because anyone else is going to get hurt for sure.
(LAUGHS)
That was a good one.
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
VAN BASTOLAER:
So then I had to...
I didn't go to the doctor.
I was walking by myself on the black sand that I have by my house, swimming by myself, and every day after that day...
How long?
How long were you out of the water?
Maybe easy, like, two weeks, easy out of the water.
Two weeks?
Yeah.
That's like a scrape, that's nothing.
But, for me, it's...
(LAUGHING)
That's like stitches.
What do you mean?
Come on, man.
You've surfed Teahupo'o, like, 40 feet.
SLATER: 
I waited about a month or two to get the surgery, and right before my surgery, I tore my knee.
I tore some tendons in my knee and in my ankle.
And by the time I was recovered from my hip surgery,
I couldn't surf 'cause of my knee and my ankle still.
So that was like two months or something out of the water, two and a half months maybe.
VAN BASTOLAER:
The wave at Teahupo'o is thick and heavy and the reef is very shallow.
You can easily get smashed onto the reef.
I have lost friends, all of us have.
There are times when you think it's not worth it.
(BELL TOLLING)
SLATER: 
Catching a wave at Teahupo'o is a combination of that total euphoria and that ultimate fear.
You are never as real as when you might die.
(MAN SHOUTING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE)
NARRATOR: 
For 1,000 years, Polynesians have struggled to comprehend and even influence the mysterious and deadly forces of the ocean.
The great waves are at the center of Tahitian religion and culture, bringing forth good fortune, exhilaration, and sometimes disaster.
In the wake of the storm, faster waves outrun slower ones.
The waves become organized into sets.
Local winds, currents and tides play their part in shaping the arriving swell.
The sea bottom plays the most critical role.
A gentle slope produces gently breaking waves.
A sudden shallow can produce a plunging breaker.
A shifting sandbar or a coral reef, a seamount or a rocky outcrop, each has the potential to shape surfable waves.
Like a lens, the shape of the bottom can focus or diffuse the energy of the wave, change its course, or stop it altogether.
At Teahupo'o, a sudden shelf and shallow reef compress the arriving wave energy, dramatically increasing wave height.
As the wave slows, its crest continues to sweep forward, generating a great cathedral-like barrel that breaks across the reef with perfect symmetry.
For many surfers, it's the ultimate wave.
(GASPING)
VAN BASTOLAER:
The best waves are not too small or too big, and the wind has to come from the front.
SLATER: 
The thing that makes surfing so unique is that every single wave is different.
The next wave could be the worst wave or it could be the best ride of your life, the ultimate wave.
You just don't know unless you're on it.
(WHOOPS)
(LAUGHS)
NARRATOR:
All the great surfers have made the long pilgrimage to the distant shores of Tahiti.
But only a few are lucky enough to surf the great wave at Teahupo'o when the conditions are just right, and lucky enough to confront the demons and walk away.
VAN BASTOLAER: 
My friend, Fa'arua, is a little too wild for his own good, but he has the competitive spirit, too.
You see that in the great surfers.
After the waves calm down, Kelly gets restless.
You can see it coming, and he has to be on the move again.
(SINGING FOLK SONG)
VAN BASTOLAER:
Kelly was once the youngest world champion, and now he is the oldest.
He has nine championships, the best ever.
I tease him that enough is enough, time to just relax.
But he's always off to find another wave on the far side of the world.
I don't care for the competition much.
I think if you're connected with the right spirits, then you don't need to chase after the waves.
If you are patient, the perfect wave will come to you.
(WHALE HUMMING)
(FOLK SONG PLAYING)

[narrator] previously on Lost:
[both grunting]
Son of a bitch.
[Jin speaks Korean]
- [panting] - [sobbing] [speaks Korean]
- [tires squeal] - [engine revving]
[people shouting]
We're gonna get you to the hospital.
Mr. Locke? 
Mr. Locke?
[Locke] You found what they were hiding in the submarine?
I most certainly did.
[screams]
- hello, Hugo.
- We have to talk to you.
- "We?" 
- OK, guys.
Come on out.
hello, Jack.
I was hoping you'd come.
I think we have some catching up to do.
hurley... this was your idea.
You all right with me talking with him alone?
It's all you, dude.
AII right, Iet's catch up.
You look just like him.
Does it bother you?
No, what bothers me is I don't have any idea what the hell you are.
Sure you do.
Why John Locke?
Because he was stupid enough to believe he'd been brought here for a reason.
Because he pursued that belief until it got him killed, and because you were kind enough to bring his body back here in a nice wooden box.
He had to be dead before you could look like him.
That's right.
Who else have you looked like?
Jack, what do you really want to ask me?
The third day we were here, I saw...
I chased my father through the jungle.
My... my dead father.
Was that you?
Yes, that was me.
- Why?
- You needed to find water.
This may be hard for you to believe, Jack, but all I've ever been interested in is helping you.
To help me?
To do what?
Leave.
But because Jacob chose you, you were trapped on this island before you even got here.
But now Jacob's dead.
We don't have to be trapped anymore.
We can get on an airplane and fly away anytime we want to.
If we can just fly away whenever we want, why are you still here?
Because it has to be all of us.
What?
John Locke was the only one of us that ever believed in this place.
He did everything he could to keep us from leaving this island.
John Locke was not a believer, Jack.
He was a sucker.
[man] Sinus tach at 1 30, BP dropping.
Last read was 62 over 30, possibly due to internal bleeding.
- [man 2] Signs of neurological damage?
- No response in lower reflexes.
- That's because he's a paraplegic.
- You know this man?
Yes. 
He's a substitute teacher at my school. 
His name is Locke.
Mr. Locke. 
I don't know his first name.
But he uses a wheelchair. 
Where is it?
Smashed to pieces, that thing probably saved his life.
I saw the man that did this, the hit-and-run driver was at our school.
When we get to the hospital, you can talk to the cops.
Do you know anyone we can contact for him?
I have no idea.
Like I said, I barely know him.
- [Locke] HeIen.
- What did you say?
helen Norwood.
I was... gonna marry her.
well... 
You're still gonna marry her 'cause you're gonna be OK, Mr. Locke.
John.
My name is John.
blunt force trauma victim, late 40s male, he needs a CT scan.
We got a gunshot wound here. 
female.
Entry wound, upper right quadrant.
- [Jin] Baby!
- I understand, she's pregnant.
We're gonna take good care of her.
500 lost CC's. 
external blood loss.
- [Jin] Baby!
- [EMT] We do everything we can.
What is it?
You can come out.
You following us, claire?
- Yeah.
- Why?
'Cause he's my brother.
Looks like you two have a Iot of catching up to do. 
I'II leave you to it.
claire, I'm... 
I'm so sorry...
Did he tell you? 
That he was the one pretending to be our father?
Yeah. 
Yeah, he told me.
You know, I pretty much gave up hoping that you'd ever come back.
Now that you're here...
It's good to see you, Jack.
Yeah, it's good to see you, too.
You know, I never really had much in the way of family, so it means a Iot that you're coming with us.
actually, I haven't decided if I'm coming with you.
Yeah, you have.
What do you mean?
You decided the moment you let him talk to you, just like the rest of us.
So, you know, whether you Iike it or not, you're with him now.
- He's got a submarine?
- Keep your voice down, damn it.
Yeah, Widmore's got a sub.
We'II use it to get off this rock.
Are we gonna tell Sun?
Kate's telling her now.
I thought we might want to avoid huddIes.
What about Sayid?
Sayid ain't invited.
He's gone over to the dark side.
But you can always bring people back from the dark side.
- I mean, Anakin...
- Who the hell's Anakin?
Look, just keep your mouth shut.
Don't say nothin' to no one.
Hey.
- Hey, claire.
- Hey, hurley.
You look great.
It's so nice to have everyone back together again.
Want an apple?
Hey, Schaub, I'm the one who brought her in.
Wanna give us a minute?
Katherine Anne Austen.
Wanted for arson, assault on a federal officer, murder in the first degree.
Funny. 
You don't strike me as the murdering kind.
That's because I'm not.
You be sure and mention that to the Feds when they get here.
There something you wanted?
You remember me? 
From the airport?
We were on the same flight from Sydney.
Yeah, I remember.
well, don't you think it's weird, you and me being on the same flight, having that meet-up in the elevator?
And a week later, boom.
Of all the cars in Los angeles, you smash into mine.
almost like someone's trying to put us together.
- Are you hitting on me?
- [laughs]
It'd never work.
I'm a cop. 
You're a murderer...
- I already told you I'm not a murderer.
- Yeah, well, I'm still a cop.
So why didn't you arrest me?
- I did arrest you.
- No, in LAX, the elevator.
You saw I was wearing handcuffs.
I didn't see any handcuffs.
AII I saw was a pretty lady who needed the door held open for her.
[Kate] You know what I think?
I think you let me go because you went to australia, and you didn't want anyone to know you were there.
should I tell that to the Feds when they get here?
- Oh, I Iike you.
- [Kate] Mmm.
Jim. 
Got a live one. 
Come on.
Sorry. 
Duty calls.
We caught a multiple homicide at a restaurant.
Victims were a lowlife named Keamy and three goons on his payroll.
Korean female GSW at the scene, and her boyfriend witnessed it,
- but he doesn't speak english.
- Any suspects?
Yeah, an ATM surveillance camera grabbed this jaboney fleeing the scene.
AII righty. 
Put a name to that face.
That's our bad guy.
He's different now.
Guess we're all different now.
So what did Locke say to you?
He said that he wants to leave,
- and we all have to go together.
- And do you believe him?
- I'm not sure yet.
- [guns cocking] [man] Hands up.
Stop right there.
Where's the man in charge?
Who's she?
That's Widmore's number two.
What can I do for ya?
You took something from us, and we want it back.
I'm sorry. 
I don't know what you're talking about.
- [guns cocking] 
- It's OK.
[radio static]
- Do you have a fix on my position?
- [man] Roger that.
Show them what we're capable of.
[rumbling in sky]
You have until nightfall to return what you took.
Or next time, we won't miss.
call me when you're ready for us to pick him up.
well...
Here we go.
Hi. 
I have an appointment with the Western Pacific Adoption Agency.
- 1 5th floor. 
And sign in, please.
- Sure.
[Desmond] Hey there.
How are you?
We met at the airport, the baggage claim.
- Yeah. 
Hi.
- Hi.
I'm Desmond. 
Desmond Hume.
I never got your name,
"claire littleton."
- So how you doin'?
- I'm OK. 
Better now.
I actually had a bit of a scare ended up in the hospital.
- No. 
I'm sorry. 
Are you...
- No. 
It's all good now, so...
Oh, by the way, you were right.
It's a boy.
I have a nose for these things.
Look...
Excuse me if this sounds a bit personal, but,
I couldn't help noticing you're going to an adoption agency... alone.
Yeah, you're right. 
It is personal.
No, I just meant you should have some legal representation.
- What, are you a lawyer?
- No. 
No.
But, it just so happens that I'm on my way to see one.
You know, adoption contracts are complicated.
And you should be careful because you could find yourself in a situation that's irreversible.
Yeah, I don't have money for a lawyer.
[elevator dings]
- What floor?
- I'm... 
I'm going to 1 5 as well.
Look, this attorney I'm seeing, she's excellent.
You know, plus, she owes me a favor. 
So...
Why don't you just come and meet her?
I think she could really help you.
[elevator dings]
Look, I promise you, it won't cost you a cent.
please.
It'd be my absolute pleasure.
Sure.
Great. 
This way.
Thanks.
Hi. 
Desmond Hume to see Ms. Verdansky, please.
Yes. 
Mr. Hume. 
She's expecting you.
- Have a seat.
- [Desmond] Great.
Hey... thank you.
You're very welcome.
Desmond!
Ah, IIana.
claire, this is IIana.
IIana, I'd Iike you to meet a friend of mine, claire littleton.
I was hoping you'd be able to help her.
I'm sorry.
claire littleton from australia?
Do I know you?
No, but this is quite a coincidence.
We've been looking for you.
Desmond, do you mind if I speak with Ms. LittIeton alone for a few minutes?
No. 
absolutely fine. 
Go right ahead.
- [Locke] Listen up, everyone.
- Hey.
What's going on?
people trying to kill us again.
AII this is happening a bit sooner than I'd expected, but these people have forced our hand, claiming we stole something from them, trying to provoke us into a confrontation.
well, if that's what they want, that's what they'II get.
Gather your things.
We're going to the other island and getting on that plane.
James, I need your help with something.
There's a boat moored just a few hours down the shore from here.
I want you to get it and meet the rest of us on the other side of these bluffs.
We'II all sail over to the other island together. 
Can you do that, James?
How come we're not all heading for it together?
The bigger the group, the slower it moves.
AII right. 
I couId use another pair of hands.
Take whoever you want.
How about it, freckles?
Know anything about sailing?
I know enough.
Good. 
We'II be waitin' for ya.
Sayid, you got a minute?
Give me a hand with somethin'?
Listen up, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once.
We're not going to that rendezvous point to pick up Locke.
- I got a deal with Widmore.
- What kind of deal?
Just listen. 
First chance you get, you double back, hoof it to this spot.
There's an old dock.
Grab Hugo, Sun and Lapidus.
Kate and I will meet you there.
What about Sayid and claire?
Sayid's a zombie, claire's nuts.
She gave up her ticket when she tried to kill Kate, and I ain't gonna let that happen again.
That's Hugo, Sun and the pilot.
only them. 
Understand?
But how am I supposed to get us away from Locke?
You figure it out.
Ready to roll?
- What was that all about?
- Guy talk.
I need you to go out to where I've got Desmond.
I thought you weren't going to give him back.
I'm not.
You're gonna kill him.
That's not gonna be a problem, is it, Sayid?
You do still want what you asked me for, right?
Yes, I do.
Then go do what I said.
[gun cocks]
So what did he offer you?
If you're gonna shoot me in cold blood, brother I have a right to know what you're gettin' in exchange for it.
He told me I couId get something back I lost.
And what did you lose?
The woman I Ioved.
[exhaIes]
And where is she now?
Dead.
And what makes you think Locke can bring her back?
I died and he brought me back.
So what will you tell her?
What do you mean?
This woman, when she asks you what you did to be with her again what will you tell her?
Sayid.
What's going on?
Everything will be OK for you now.
I took care of it.
What do you mean?
Where are you going?
I have to leave.
Did you hurt someone?
Nadia, I'm leaving, and I'm never going to be able to come back again.
[doorbell rings]
- What did you do, Sayid?
- stall them.
- Who is it?
- LAPD.
May I see some identification?
Can you open the door, please?
Mrs. Jarrah, I'm Detective Straume.
I need to ask you some questions.
You have a few minutes?
That's good. 
Stay down.
Sayid Jarrah?
[grunting] [panting] You're under arrest.
There she blows.
You ready to get wet?
- Oh. 
You sure this is a good idea?
- You see a bridge?
- Going back to get Locke.
- Of course not.
It's a terrible idea, which is why we ain't doing it.
What?
We're gonna ditch Locke.
You, me, Jack, hurley, Sun and that pilot that looks like he's stepped off the set of a Burt reynolds movie.
When were you planning on telling me this?
Now.
- Wait. 
You didn't say claire.
- 'Cause she ain't comin'.
The claire you came back for is gone.
I promised I would bring her back.
That was before she started drinkin' Locke's KooI-Aid.
She's dangerous. 
You really want her around Aaron?
Let's go. 
We ain't got much time.
- Hey, claire.
- Jack.
How long have you been with Locke?
Ever since you left.
So you trust him?
- Yeah.
- Why?
'Cause he's the only one that didn't abandon me.
Sun, have you seen Sayid?
He was supposed to catch up with us about a half a mile back.
The silent treatment?
I'm sorry, Sun, but I didn't do anything to you.
James should be on his way.
Keep moving to the beach.
- I'II catch up with you there.
- [Cindy] Where are you going?
[Locke] I wanna make sure nobody got left behind.
- HurIey, wait up.
- Yeah?
Sun.
- We have to go now.
- Go where?
There's no time.
We just gotta go. 
follow me.
We should stick to Sawyer's plan, or he'II be pissed.
This is Sawyer's plan. 
Let's go.
Sayid? 
Where have you been?
Doing what you asked.
Then what took you so long?
I just shot an unarmed man.
I needed a moment.
Did you kill him, Sayid?
Of course I did.
Go and check, if you Iike.
Come on. 
We have a boat to catch.
I hope you know where you're going, 'cause that smoke thing runs a Iot faster than we do.
Sawyer said there'd be a dock around here somewhere.
There they are!
Hey.
AII right. 
Everybody onboard. 
Let's go!
- We saiIin' home on this?
- Won't work, not without a bearing.
For three years, the only way Dharma folk got on or off this island was sub, so that's what we're doing.
Nice job, Doc.
- [gun cocks] 
- Uh-oh.
Where you going?
[Kate] claire...
- It's OK.
- Kate.
We're leaving the island.
Then why aren't you waiting for John?
Because that's not John, and whoever he is, he's not one of us.
claire... come with us.
I can get you back to Aaron.
- Wait a damn min...
- Sawyer, shut up.
She is coming or I'm not.
Come with us, claire.
- John promised me...
- No, I'm promising you.
I was there when he was born.
And I never should've raised him.
It should've been you.
I came back to get you so you could be with him again.
It's the only reason I came back to the island, claire.
So, please, come with us.
Let's go home.
Get on the boat before Locke gets here.
He finds out we're gone he's gonna be mad.
[cell phone rings]
It's your mom.
Hey.
Yeah, we just got here.
Thank you.
I don't know. 
I'II have him home as soon as I can. 
Maybe, Iike, 5:00?
actually, we might grab a bite to eat afterwards.
So... maybe more like 7:00?
AII right. 
Yeah.
Yeah, I'II drop him off.
Hey. 
You know, hearing your grandfather's will being read,
I know it's not the most fun, but it'II be over soon, I promise.
And it's OK to be sad.
I'm sad for you, Dad.
[whispers] Let's go.
Mr. Shephard.
- hello.
- And you must be David.
- Hi.
- We're set up in the conference room.
I've got a surprise for you.
Do you believe in fate?
This is claire littleton.
claire, this is Mr. Shephard and his son David.
hello. 
I'm Jack Shephard.
Hi, it's really nice to meet you.
- You found her.
- actually, she found us.
You were in my father's will.
Do you mind if I ask you how you knew him?
He was my father, too.
[scoffs]
[cell phone rings]
I'm sorry. 
Excuse me.
This is the... this is the service.
Yeah, this is Dr. Shephard.
No, no, it's not a very good time.
Yes, they can go ahead and prep him.
I'm 20 minutes away.
I'm so sorry. 
There's been an emergency at the hospital, and...
We're gonna have to reschedule.
I know I'm a little late to the party, Captain, but you mind filling us in on what your game plan is?
My plan, Chesty, is to land on Hydra island, get ourselves nice and cuddly with Widmore until we get a chance to jump on that sub.
Then I'm gonna put a gun in someone's face and make 'em take us home.
I Iike that idea.
I saw some canned food down in the galley. 
Anybody else starving'?
FreckIes. 
Take the wheel a minute?
[Kate] Sure.
- Be nice.
- [Sawyer] Yeah, yeah.
Didn't think you'd show up, Doc.
- Sorry?
- Taking orders ain't your strong suit.
Nice to see you finally came around.
- This doesn't feel right.
- What doesn't feel right?
Leaving the island.
You wanna tell me why not?
Because I remember how I felt last time I Ieft like a part of me was missing.
They got pills for that, Doc.
We were brought here because we're supposed to do something, James.
And if Locke... that...
that thing, wants us to leave?
Maybe it's afraid of what happens if we stay.
Get off my damn boat.
What?
You got a decision to make and you make it now.
Either you're with us, you keep that crazy talk to yourself, or you're going in the water.
James, this is a mistake.
And I know there's a part of you that feels that.
The island is not done with us yet.
Yeah, well, I'm done with this island.
So if you wanna take a leap of faith, Jack, then take it.
Get off my damn boat.
I'm sorry that I got JuIiet killed.
[Kate] Jack?
Jack?
- What did you say to him?
- He changed his mind.
What do you mean, he changed his mind?
What did you say?
!
He ain't comin' with us.
- We have to go back and get him.
- We're done going back.
[monitor beeping]
[speaking Korean]
So all these years, you had no idea your dad had another kid?
Nope. 
None.
Wow. 
I can't believe he never even mentioned her.
Yeah, well, your grandfather kept a Iot of things to himself.
Is that where you get it from?
[chuckles]
Yeah, probably.
AII right. 
You gonna be OK hangin' while I do this?
Yeah, sure.
Good luck, Dad.
Thanks.
- [water running] - [door closes]
- Car v. ped.
- How bad?
Bad. 
But here's the kicker, the victim was already in a wheelchair.
Pre-existing spinal condition.
- dural sac's obliterated.
- That's why we called you.
We're in a bit over our heads here.
[Jack] Yeah.
I got this.
- We ready to cut?
- Say the word.
- scalpel.
- [monitor beeping]
What is it?
I think I know this guy.
[Locke] Nice day for a swim.
Sawyer took my boat, didn't he?
Yeah.
Everybody stay close.
The camp's over here.
Not much time before Locke figures out we made off with his ride.
Hands up!
- Hey! 
Whoa!
- [man] Drop your weapons!
- Whoa! 
Take it easy!
- [Zoe] Drop them now!
It's all right. 
I know him.
- Who else is with you?
- [Sawyer] Nobody!
If you're wondering where Locke is, he's still back on the main island.
[Zoe] Turn the fences off.
Ford just showed up on a boat with five of his friends.
Sun?
Jin?
- Jin!
- Sun!
I Iove you.
I Iove you, too.
I never stopped looking for you.
Looks like someone got their voice back.
We'II never be apart again.
I promise you.
[Zoe] Are you sure?
- I understand, charles.
- That Widmore?
What the hell are you doin'?
What's it look like I'm doin'?
Hands up now.
On your knees, all of you!
Down!
- We had a deal!
- deal's off.
We got 'em.
If you've got a sightline on Locke,
- fire when ready.
- [man] Roger.
[rumbling in sky]
Get down!
[muffled shouting] [ringing]
- Jack? 
You all right?
- [explosion]
Don't worry. 
It's gonna be OK.
You're with me now.

Previously on Lost:
Son of a bitch.
We're gonna get you to the hospital.
Mr. Locke? 
Mr. Locke?
You found what they were hiding in the submarine?
I most certainly did.
- Hello, Hugo.
- We have to talk to you.
- "We?" 
- OK, guys.
Come on out.
Hello, Jack.
I was hoping you'd come.
I think we have some catching up to do.
Hurley... this was your idea.
You all right with me talking with him alone?
It's all you, dude.
All right, let's catch up.
You look just like him.
Does it bother you?
No, what bothers me is I don't have any idea what the hell you are.
Sure you do.
Why John Locke?
Because he was stupid enough to believe he'd been brought here for a reason.
Because he pursued that belief until it got him killed, and because you were kind enough to bring his body back here in a nice wooden box.
He had to be dead before you could look like him.
That's right.
Who else have you looked like?
Jack, what do you really want to ask me?
The third day we were here, I saw...
I chased my father through the jungle.
My... my dead father.
Was that you?
Yes, that was me.
- Why?
- You needed to find water.
This may be hard for you to believe, Jack, but all I've ever been interested in is helping you.
To help me?
To do what?
Leave.
But because Jacob chose you, you were trapped on this island before you even got here.
But now Jacob's dead.
We don't have to be trapped anymore.
We can get on an airplane and fly away anytime we want to.
If we can just fly away whenever we want, why are you still here?
Because it has to be all of us.
What?
John Locke was the only one of us that ever believed in this place.
He did everything he could to keep us from leaving this island.
John Locke was not a believer, Jack.
He was a sucker.
Sinus tach at 130, BP dropping.
Last read was 62 over 30, possibly due to internal bleeding.
- Signs of neurological damage?
- No response in lower reflexes.
- That's because he's a paraplegic.
- You know this man?
Yes. 
He's a substitute teacher at my school. 
His name is Locke.
Mr. Locke. 
I don't know his first name.
But he uses a wheelchair. 
Where is it?
Smashed to pieces, that thing probably saved his life.
I saw the man that did this, the hit-and-run driver was at our school.
When we get to the hospital, you can talk to the cops.
Do you know anyone we can contact for him?
I have no idea.
Like I said, I barely know him.
- Helen.
- What did you say?
Helen Norwood.
I was... gonna marry her.
Well... 
You're still gonna marry her 'cause you're gonna be OK, Mr. Locke.
John.
My name is John.
Blunt force trauma victim, late 40s male, he needs a CT scan.
We got a gunshot wound here. 
Female.
Entry wound, upper right quadrant.
- Baby!
- I understand, she's pregnant.
We're gonna take good care of her.
500 lost CC's. 
External blood loss.
- Baby!
- We do everything we can.
What is it?
You can come out.
You following us, Claire?
- Yeah.
- Why?
'Cause he's my brother.
Looks like you two have a lot of catching up to do. 
I'll leave you to it.
Claire, I'm... 
I'm so sorry...
Did he tell you? 
That he was the one pretending to be our father?
Yeah. 
Yeah, he told me.
You know, I pretty much gave up hoping that you'd ever come back.
Now that you're here...
It's good to see you, Jack.
Yeah, it's good to see you, too.
You know, I never really had much in the way of family, so it means a lot that you're coming with us.
Actually, I haven't decided if I'm coming with you.
Yeah, you have.
What do you mean?
You decided the moment you let him talk to you, just like the rest of us.
So, you know, whether you like it or not, you're with him now.
- He's got a submarine?
- Keep your voice down, damn it.
Yeah, Widmore's got a sub.
We'll use it to get off this rock.
Are we gonna tell Sun?
Kate's telling her now.
I thought we might want to avoid huddles.
What about Sayid?
Sayid ain't invited.
He's gone over to the dark side.
But you can always bring people back from the dark side.
- I mean, Anakin...
- Who the hell's Anakin?
Look, just keep your mouth shut.
Don't say nothin' to no one.
Hey.
- Hey, Claire.
- Hey, Hurley.
You look great.
It's so nice to have everyone back together again.
Want an apple?
Hey, Schaub, I'm the one who brought her in.
Wanna give us a minute?
Katherine Anne Austen.
Wanted for arson, assault on a federal officer, murder in the first degree.
Funny. 
You don't strike me as the murdering kind.
That's because I'm not.
You be sure and mention that to the Feds when they get here.
There something you wanted?
You remember me? 
From the airport?
We were on the same flight from Sydney.
Yeah, I remember.
Well, don't you think it's weird, you and me being on the same flight, having that meet-up in the elevator?
And a week later, boom.
Of all the cars in Los Angeles, you smash into mine.
Almost like someone's trying to put us together.
Are you hitting on me?
It'd never work.
I'm a cop. 
You're a murderer...
- I already told you I'm not a murderer.
- Yeah, well, I'm still a cop.
So why didn't you arrest me?
- I did arrest you.
- No, in LAX, the elevator.
You saw I was wearing handcuffs.
I didn't see any handcuffs.
All I saw was a pretty lady who needed the door held open for her.
You know what I think?
I think you let me go because you went to Australia, and you didn't want anyone to know you were there.
Should I tell that to the Feds when they get here?
- Oh, I like you.
- Mmm.
Jim. 
Got a live one. 
Come on.
Sorry. 
Duty calls.
We caught a multiple homicide at a restaurant.
Victims were a lowlife named Keamy and three goons on his payroll.
Korean female GSW at the scene, and her boyfriend witnessed it,
- but he doesn't speak English.
- Any suspects?
Yeah, an ATM surveillance camera grabbed this jaboney fleeing the scene.
All righty. 
Put a name to that face.
That's our bad guy.
He's different now.
Guess we're all different now.
So what did Locke say to you?
He said that he wants to leave,
- and we all have to go together.
- And do you believe him?
I'm not sure yet.
Hands up.
Stop right there.
Where's the man in charge?
Who's she?
That's Widmore's number two.
What can I do for ya?
You took something from us, and we want it back.
I'm sorry. 
I don't know what you're talking about.
It's OK.
- Do you have a fix on my position?
- Roger that.
Show them what we're capable of.
You have until nightfall to return what you took.
Or next time, we won't miss.
Call me when you're ready for us to pick him up.
Well...
Here we go.
Hi. 
I have an appointment with the Western Pacific Adoption Agency.
- 15th floor. 
And sign in, please.
- Sure.
Hey there.
How are you?
We met at the airport, the baggage claim.
- Yeah. 
Hi.
- Hi.
I'm Desmond. 
Desmond Hume.
I never got your name,
"Claire Littleton."
- So how you doin'?
- I'm OK. 
Better now.
I actually had a bit of a scare ended up in the hospital.
- No. 
I'm sorry. 
Are you...
- No. 
It's all good now, so...
Oh, by the way, you were right.
It's a boy.
I have a nose for these things.
Look...
Excuse me if this sounds a bit personal, but,
I couldn't help noticing you're going to an adoption agency... alone.
Yeah, you're right. 
It is personal.
No, I just meant you should have some legal representation.
- What, are you a lawyer?
- No. 
No.
But, it just so happens that I'm on my way to see one.
You know, adoption contracts are complicated.
And you should be careful because you could find yourself in a situation that's irreversible.
Yeah, I don't have money for a lawyer.
- What floor?
- I'm... 
I'm going to 15 as well.
Look, this attorney I'm seeing, she's excellent.
You know, plus, she owes me a favor. 
So...
Why don't you just come and meet her?
I think she could really help you.
Look, I promise you, it won't cost you a cent.
Please.
It'd be my absolute pleasure.
Sure.
Great. 
This way.
Thanks.
Hi. 
Desmond Hume to see Ms. Verdansky, please.
Yes. 
Mr. Hume. 
She's expecting you.
- Have a seat.
- Great.
Hey... thank you.
You're very welcome.
Desmond!
Ah, Ilana.
Claire, this is Ilana.
Ilana, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine, Claire Littleton.
I was hoping you'd be able to help her.
I'm sorry.
Claire Littleton from Australia?
Do I know you?
No, but this is quite a coincidence.
We've been looking for you.
Desmond, do you mind if I speak with Ms. Littleton alone for a few minutes?
No. 
Absolutely fine. 
Go right ahead.
- Listen up, everyone.
- Hey.
What's going on?
People trying to kill us again.
All this is happening a bit sooner than I'd expected, but these people have forced our hand, claiming we stole something from them, trying to provoke us into a confrontation.
Well, if that's what they want, that's what they'll get.
Gather your things.
We're going to the other island and getting on that plane.
James, I need your help with something.
There's a boat moored just a few hours down the shore from here.
I want you to get it and meet the rest of us on the other side of these bluffs.
We'll all sail over to the other island together. 
Can you do that, James?
How come we're not all heading for it together?
The bigger the group, the slower it moves.
All right. 
I could use another pair of hands.
Take whoever you want.
How about it, Freckles?
Know anything about sailing?
I know enough.
Good. 
We'll be waitin' for ya.
Sayid, you got a minute?
Give me a hand with somethin'?
Listen up, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once.
We're not going to that rendezvous point to pick up Locke.
- I got a deal with Widmore.
- What kind of deal?
Just listen. 
First chance you get, you double back, hoof it to this spot.
There's an old dock.
Grab Hugo, Sun and Lapidus.
Kate and I will meet you there.
What about Sayid and Claire?
Sayid's a zombie, Claire's nuts.
She gave up her ticket when she tried to kill Kate, and I ain't gonna let that happen again.
That's Hugo, Sun and the pilot.
Only them. 
Understand?
But how am I supposed to get us away from Locke?
You figure it out.
Ready to roll?
- What was that all about?
- Guy talk.
I need you to go out to where I've got Desmond.
I thought you weren't going to give him back.
I'm not.
You're gonna kill him.
That's not gonna be a problem, is it, Sayid?
You do still want what you asked me for, right?
Yes, I do.
Then go do what I said.
So what did he offer you?
If you're gonna shoot me in cold blood, brother I have a right to know what you're gettin' in exchange for it.
He told me I could get something back I lost.
And what did you lose?
The woman I loved.
And where is she now?
Dead.
And what makes you think Locke can bring her back?
I died and he brought me back.
So what will you tell her?
What do you mean?
This woman, when she asks you what you did to be with her again what will you tell her?
Sayid.
What's going on?
Everything will be OK for you now.
I took care of it.
What do you mean?
Where are you going?
I have to leave.
Did you hurt someone?
Nadia, I'm leaving, and I'm never going to be able to come back again.
- What did you do, Sayid?
- Stall them.
- Who is it?
- LAPD.
May I see some identification?
Can you open the door, please?
Mrs. Jarrah, I'm Detective Straume.
I need to ask you some questions.
You have a few minutes?
That's good. 
Stay down.
Sayid Jarrah?
You're under arrest.
There she blows.
You ready to get wet?
- Oh. 
You sure this is a good idea?
- You see a bridge?
- Going back to get Locke.
- Of course not.
It's a terrible idea, which is why we ain't doing it.
What?
We're gonna ditch Locke.
You, me, Jack, Hurley, Sun and that pilot that looks like he's stepped off the set of a Burt Reynolds movie.
When were you planning on telling me this?
Now.
- Wait. 
You didn't say Claire.
- 'Cause she ain't comin'.
The Claire you came back for is gone.
I promised I would bring her back.
That was before she started drinkin' Locke's Kool-Aid.
She's dangerous. 
You really want her around Aaron?
Let's go. 
We ain't got much time.
- Hey, Claire.
- Jack.
How long have you been with Locke?
Ever since you left.
So you trust him?
- Yeah.
- Why?
'Cause he's the only one that didn't abandon me.
Sun, have you seen Sayid?
He was supposed to catch up with us about a half a mile back.
The silent treatment?
I'm sorry, Sun, but I didn't do anything to you.
James should be on his way.
Keep moving to the beach.
- I'll catch up with you there.
- Where are you going?
I wanna make sure nobody got left behind.
- Hurley, wait up.
- Yeah?
Sun.
- We have to go now.
- Go where?
There's no time.
We just gotta go. 
Follow me.
We should stick to Sawyer's plan, or he'll be pissed.
This is Sawyer's plan. 
Let's go.
Sayid? 
Where have you been?
Doing what you asked.
Then what took you so long?
I just shot an unarmed man.
I needed a moment.
Did you kill him, Sayid?
Of course I did.
Go and check, if you like.
Come on. 
We have a boat to catch.
I hope you know where you're going, 'cause that smoke thing runs a lot faster than we do.
Sawyer said there'd be a dock around here somewhere.
There they are!
Hey.
All right. 
Everybody onboard. 
Let's go!
- We sailing' home on this?
- Won't work, not without a bearing.
For three years, the only way Dharma folk got on or off this island was sub, so that's what we're doing.
Nice job, Doc.
Uh-oh.
Where you going?
Claire...
- It's OK.
- Kate.
We're leaving the island.
Then why aren't you waiting for John?
Because that's not John, and whoever he is, he's not one of us.
Claire... come with us.
I can get you back to Aaron.
- Wait a damn min...
- Sawyer, shut up.
She is coming or I'm not.
Come with us, Claire.
- John promised me...
- No, I'm promising you.
I was there when he was born.
And I never should've raised him.
It should've been you.
I came back to get you so you could be with him again.
It's the only reason I came back to the island, Claire.
So, please, come with us.
Let's go home.
Get on the boat before Locke gets here.
He finds out we're gone he's gonna be mad.
It's your mom.
Hey.
Yeah, we just got here.
Thank you.
I don't know. 
I'll have him home as soon as I can. 
Maybe, like, 5:00?
Actually, we might grab a bite to eat afterwards.
So... maybe more like 7:00?
All right. 
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll drop him off.
Hey. 
You know, hearing your grandfather's will being read,
I know it's not the most fun, but it'll be over soon, I promise.
And it's OK to be sad.
I'm sad for you, Dad.
Let's go.
Mr. Shephard.
- Hello.
- And you must be David.
- Hi.
- We're set up in the conference room.
I've got a surprise for you.
Do you believe in fate?
This is Claire Littleton.
Claire, this is Mr. Shephard and his son David.
Hello. 
I'm Jack Shephard.
Hi, it's really nice to meet you.
- You found her.
- Actually, she found us.
You were in my father's will.
Do you mind if I ask you how you knew him?
He was my father, too.
I'm sorry. 
Excuse me.
This is the... this is the service.
Yeah, this is Dr. Shephard.
No, no, it's not a very good time.
Yes, they can go ahead and prep him.
I'm 20 minutes away.
I'm so sorry. 
There's been an emergency at the hospital, and...
We're gonna have to reschedule.
I know I'm a little late to the party, Captain, but you mind filling us in on what your game plan is?
My plan, Chesty, is to land on Hydra island, get ourselves nice and cuddly with Widmore until we get a chance to jump on that sub.
Then I'm gonna put a gun in someone's face and make 'em take us home.
I like that idea.
I saw some canned food down in the galley. 
Anybody else starving'?
Freckles. 
Take the wheel a minute?
Sure.
- Be nice.
- Yeah, yeah.
Didn't think you'd show up, Doc.
- Sorry?
- Taking orders ain't your strong suit.
Nice to see you finally came around.
- This doesn't feel right.
- What doesn't feel right?
Leaving the island.
You wanna tell me why not?
Because I remember how I felt last time I left like a part of me was missing.
They got pills for that, Doc.
We were brought here because we're supposed to do something, James.
And if Locke... that...
that thing, wants us to leave?
Maybe it's afraid of what happens if we stay.
Get off my damn boat.
What?
You got a decision to make and you make it now.
Either you're with us, you keep that crazy talk to yourself, or you're going in the water.
James, this is a mistake.
And I know there's a part of you that feels that.
The island is not done with us yet.
Yeah, well, I'm done with this island.
So if you wanna take a leap of faith, Jack, then take it.
Get off my damn boat.
I'm sorry that I got Juliet killed.
Jack?
Jack?
- What did you say to him?
- He changed his mind.
What do you mean, he changed his mind?
What did you say?
!
He ain't comin' with us.
- We have to go back and get him.
- We're done going back.
So all these years, you had no idea your dad had another kid?
Nope. 
None.
Wow. 
I can't believe he never even mentioned her.
Yeah, well, your grandfather kept a lot of things to himself.
Is that where you get it from?
Yeah, probably.
All right. 
You gonna be OK hangin' while I do this?
Yeah, sure.
Good luck, Dad.
Thanks.
- Car v. Ped.
- How bad?
Bad. 
But here's the kicker, the victim was already in a wheelchair.
Pre-existing spinal condition.
- Dural sac's obliterated.
- That's why we called you.
We're in a bit over our heads here.
Yeah.
I got this.
- We ready to cut?
- Say the word.
Scalpel.
What is it?
I think I know this guy.
Nice day for a swim.
Sawyer took my boat, didn't he?
Yeah.
Everybody stay close.
The camp's over here.
Not much time before Locke figures out we made off with his ride.
Hands up!
- Hey! 
Whoa!
- Drop your weapons!
- Whoa! 
Take it easy!
- Drop them now!
It's all right. 
I know him.
- Who else is with you?
- Nobody!
If you're wondering where Locke is, he's still back on the main island.
Turn the fences off.
Ford just showed up on a boat with five of his friends.
Sun?
Jin?
- Jin!
- Sun!
I love you.
I love you, too.
I never stopped looking for you.
Looks like someone got their voice back.
We'll never be apart again.
I promise you.
Are you sure?
- I understand, Charles.
- That Widmore?
What the hell are you doin'?
What's it look like I'm doin'?
Hands up now.
On your knees, all of you!
Down!
- We had a deal!
- Deal's off.
We got 'em.
If you've got a sightline on Locke,
- fire when ready.
- Roger.
Get down!
Jack? 
You all right?
Don't worry. 
It's gonna be OK.
You're with me now.

♪ I could give you ♪
♪ Comfort ♪
♪ I could lay you down ♪
♪ I could be ♪
♪ The one ♪
♪ Who cares ♪
♪ I could take ♪
♪ The fear ♪
♪ The fear ♪
♪ The disappointment ♪
♪ You've had enough ♪
♪ You've had enough... ♪
I saw you, Katie.
Now it's your turn.
- Go hide. 
I'll find you.
- Don't peek.
One, two, three, four.
Ready or not, here I come.
Johnny?
Johnny, come out. 
I found you.
Johnny?
Johnny, are you okay?
It's just another nightmare.
Johnny!
Here at Parker's Asylum, we strive to reach new levels of commitment in bringing new methods of treatment to our patients.
Parker's Asylum was built in 1929, but has changed considerably since then.
Although security remains foremost in the minds of staff at Parker's, the well-being of the patients is second to none.
Access granted.
Parker's Asylum is divided into two sections of treatment:
The atrium and traditional psychiatric ward on the top floors;
And the extreme cases ward on the lower levels.
And the extreme cases ward on the lower levels.
Upon entering the extreme cases ward, please stow away any personal items.
Any unauthorized personnel please check in with the security station to the right.
Have a nice day.
This is a reminder that patients in the extreme cases ward are sensitive to certain forms of persuasion.
Are sensitive to certain forms of persuasion.
Please refrain from casual dialogue.
How's Johnny?
Is he sleeping any better?
No, I'm afraid not.
Oh, that's too bad.
Is he still having--?
Nightmares? 
Yeah.
I don't know, Karen. 
It's odd.
It's almost like any progress we made together is undone by a single night's dream.
I'm sure it'll pass with time, Jamie.
I'm trying to help him, but...
When my husband died, I couldn't sleep for years.
Were Johnny and his sister close?
Johnny doesn't like to talk about it.
Johnny doesn't like to talk about it.
He internalizes.
Mabel, I need you to stay in the corner.
I'm coming in, okay?
Looking forward to the day that I don't have to wear this anymore.
Access granted.
You be careful.
I brought the picture like I said I would, Mabel.
I brought the picture like I said I would, Mabel.
You can take a look at it, if you like.
This your husband?
This your husband?
Yes.
Is it true what they say?
What?
That all the good ones are taken.
I don't know about that.
I think good is relative.
Don't you?
How are you feeling today, Mabel?
I'm hungry, Doctor.
I'm hungry, Doctor.
If I'm going to help you,
I need you to trust me.
It's gonna take some time, but we can do this together.
I know, Doctor.
You've always been there for me, always treated me like a real person.
You are a real person, Mabel.
Jamie, can I call you Jamie
Jamie, can I call you Jamie like your friends do?
Yes, of course you can.
Well, Jamie, can I ask for a favor?
That depends, Mabel.
What is it?
I was wondering
I was wondering if I could just--
Lick your hand.
I wouldn't bite. 
I promise.
Just a little taste.
You know I can't let you do that, Mabel.
- You know the rules.
- But you said we were friends!
I know, Mabel.
I'm sorry.
Maybe we'll try again tomorrow.
Open the door.
Open the door.
Sorry I got you out of bed so early, kid, but I thought it important that you should be here.
What've we got?
Come on.
Well, it appears to be a double homicide, but I can't be sure.
Well, it appears to be a double homicide, but I can't be sure.
The bodies are missing--
A six-year-old girl Lily Abbott and her 17-year-old babysitter.
Neighbors called in a disturbance a few hours ago.
How bad?
Johnny,
I called you in here for a reason.
Elliot, what's in the room?
As soon as I saw it, I had to call you.
I mean--
It could be a copycat.
The message is the same, but Wolf was never this messy.
Are you sure?
Johnny, I never said this to you, but I have to say it now.
I am so sorry that I did not catch your sister's killer.
I promise you I did my best.
I hunted him night and day for 10 years.
I got nothing-- nothing!
On my watch he killed 15 innocent young girls--
15!
15!
You don't know what it's like to close your eyes and see those innocent eyes looking back at you.
Yeah, I do.
But he's back now and we've got a chance to make things right.
Do you understand me?
I will not stop.
Yeah.
But where-- Where do we start?
But where-- Where do we start?
I mean, the lab will find out nothing.
The Big Bad Wolf.
Yeah.
"Little Red Riding Hood."
But what does it mean?
Elliot, could you give me a minute alone here?
Yeah.
Sure.
Thanks.
Johnny, come out. 
I found you.
No! 
Help!
Katie: 
Help!
Johnny!
The message is the same.
The Big Bad Wolf.
"Little Red Riding Hood."
This is Gallant.
Pete, it's Johnny.
You got a second?
Hey, Johnny, what's going on?
I'm sitting down at my desk.
Just working on a hunch.
Can you run a check on any known addresses on one Gayle Abbott--
G-A-Y-L-E.
G-A-Y-L-E. 
Got it.
All right, Johnny,
I have two addresses.
One is downtown and the other one--
One is downtown and the other one--
Looks like it's out in the sticks.
Give me that one.
It's 65 North Hill Road.
Thanks, Pete.
I owe you one.
You wanted to see me, sir?
Yes. 
Close the door.
A new mask for your collection?
A new mask for your collection?
It's African.
Masks are held in high esteem in some African cultures.
They're believed to be the resting place for spirits.
Some even believe that the spirits make the masks and they materialize overnight.
You don't believe that, do you?
No.
But I think it's neat.
Please sit down.
So how's married life treating you?
How's Johnny?
Uh, he's doing well.
Uh, he's doing well.
We have to work on our schedules a little bit better, but...
I'm worried about you, Jamie.
I may have made a mistake putting you on the Hatcher case.
With all due respect, sir,
I'm making progress with Mabel.
I think you're confusing friendship with progress.
You've gotten close to Mabel, I grant, but progress-- I'm not so sure.
But friendship is the first step with Mabel.
I assure you, sir, that my latest report will show--
Show what?
That she nearly took a bite out of you just now?
You're lucky it wasn't Mr. Jacobs.
You're lucky it wasn't Mr. Jacobs who threw that temper tantrum.
Yes, sir.
I need you to remember what we're doing here, Jamie.
We want to rehabilitate, but to think that the likes of Miss Hatcher and Mr. Jacobs could ever reintegrate--
Let's just say that there's a reason why these patients are kept separate from the world above.
I won't give up on her, sir.
Nobody's asking you to give up.
It's important-- What we do here.
But-- well,
But-- well, food for thought:
Years ago it was believed that those who were afflicted with mental illness were--
Were actually possessed by demons.
Remember that the next time you let Mabel get too close to you.
Dismissed.
Did you find anything?
That truck looks new.
It's gonna be dark soon.
We should call in some backup.
Or not.
God hates a coward.
Shh.
This guy is a real maniac--
A real maniac.
Is that your professional opinion?
Is that your professional opinion?
In the event of a medical emergency or if you require assistance staff members can be recognized by photo identification...
Benjamin Jacobs.
A real maniac?
All of them.
Why?
Now watch this.
He was abused as a kid, raised in a freak show.
Hates the color red--
Hates it.
The beeping lets you know when he's angry.
- Let me try.
- No.
Come on. 
Give it to me.
Safety atParker's is everyone's responsibility.
Do your part to ensure a work environment that is safe for both patient and worker.
What happened?
- What did you do?
- Nothing. 
We did nothing.
- Marty.
- She did it.
Grab the tranq gun.
If I can't calm him down you're gonna have to use it.
Benny, it's Dr. Morgan.
I need you to listen to me, okay?
Listen to my voice and calm down.
Benny.
♪ Fais dodo ♪
♪ Colas mon p'tit frère ♪
♪ Fais dodo ♪
♪ Tu auras du coco... ♪
♪ Fais dodo ♪
♪ Colas mon p'tit frère... ♪
♪ Fais dodo ♪
♪ Fais dodo ♪
♪ Tu auras du lolo. ♪
Are you feeling better, Benny?
Yes, pretty lady.
Good night, Benny.
Good night, Benny.
Reminder that every Wednesday the cleaning of cell blocks 8, 9...
You are both very lucky.
...and 14 will commence.
We all are.
Please make the necessary arrangements with scheduling.
God damn it, Elliot.
It's not her.
It's just a doll.
He knew that we would find this.
He set a trap.
All right, you stay cool, kid.
I'll find something that'll pry this open.
Stay cool.
Shit.
Elliot, hurry up.
Elliot!
The Wolf has been caught.
He's still alive.
We can confirm the identity of the Wolf as one...
Harold Grierson.
He just let them die.
God hates a coward,
The Wolf has been rendered speechless, shot in the throat...
It's doubtful that he'll ever speak again.
...by Detective Johnny Morgan.
They haven't found the girl, Jamie.
Johnny, you're alive.
I can make him talk.
I can make him talk.
The location of the bodies remains unknown.
I'm sorry, Katie.
I'm sorry.
Thanks to the strong testimony and recommendation of Dr. Parker, I'm proud to say that my client, Mr. Harold Grierson, will finally be released into his custody where he can begin treatment...
Looks like we're gonna have to make room for another one.
Also at the courthouse was Detective Johnny Morgan,
Also at the courthouse was Detective Johnny Morgan, the officer responsible for catching the Wolf.
Mr. Morgan, do you believe justice has been served today?
No comment.
Although the victims' bodies have never been found, this effectively wraps up the final chapter in the gruesome story of the Red Riding Hood murders.
♪ Season light ♪
♪ Season bright... ♪ ...board of directors at Parker's Asylum, we would like to wish you...
- Have a good holiday. 
Bye.
- ...a safe and happy holiday.
Hey, Jam, what's the deal?
Why is everyone leaving early?
Dr. Parker's just in good spirits.
It's nothing, Marty. 
Have fun.
In the event of a medical emergency...
Are we still gonna go through with this?
Jamie doesn't know anything about this, does she?
We're separated, Pete.
We're separated, Pete.
I wouldn't know how to go about telling her.
You don't think she'll be at all surprised to see you?
Look, all I'm saying is maybe you should give her a call, let her know.
Mr. Walthrop, you can open your eyes now.
I got you something.
I hope you like them.
Merry Christmas, Oliver.
This is a reminder that every Monday...
- Hey. - ...cleaning of cell blocks 3, 13...
Sabrina.
There you are.
There you are.
Oh, I thought I told you to not run off like that.
I told Dr. Parker about Sabrina's condition and he thought he might be able to help her.
She still not talking?
No, I'm afraid not.
Ever since her mother died, she's been so withdrawn from everyone and everything.
I can feel myself losing her and I don't even know where she's going.
If anyone can get through to her, it's Dr. Parker.
She's in good hands.
Quick, follow me.
Stay behind me, okay?
Please check in with the security station to the right.
Have a nice day.
Follow me.
Mr. Grierson,
I want you to listen to me very carefully.
What I'm about to put around your neck is a proximity restraint collar.
It'll shock you into submission.
It'll shock you into submission if you break the 2' distance regulation with any of my personnel.
And I can assure you, Mr. Grierson, it's not a pleasant feeling.
Release him.
Release him.
Mr. Grierson's collared and ready for you, sir. 
Good.
Oh, may I remind you of your meeting today with Mr. Grierson's attorney--
Miss Garvey should be arriving shortly,
She's fairly keen on making sure that her client's adequately cared for.
That her client's adequately cared for.
He stopped being her client the moment he was wheeled through that door.
I'll handle Miss Garvey.
Yes, sir.
Do you know who I am?
I know who you think you are.
The Wolf.
You like that, don't you?
It makes you larger than life.
It scares your victims into thinking they're being hunted by a monster from their nightmares.
I bet you think you can smell their fear.
Well, you'd be wrong.
Fear has no smell, no taste, no sound.
It's simply a state of being.
Your name is Harold Grierson and you're an animal.
And as an animal, you can always be counted on to react in a certain way when placed in a certain situation.
Behind me is an open door--
Your ticket to freedom.
All that stands in your way is me.
Surely I'm no match for the Big Bad Wolf.
For the Big Bad Wolf.
Well, come on, Grierson, take me down.
Claim your prize.
Well, if you won't come to me,
I'll just have to come to you.
Come on, Grierson... howl for me.
Wolves are smart, cunning, quick.
They're not easily caught.
You are but a common dog.
Lock the door.
If you'll have a seat, Dr. Parker will be with you momentarily.
And don't touch anything, huh?
Hello again.
I'd put that down if I were you.
That mask works like a bear trap.
Touch it in the wrong place and the teeth slam shut like so.
Like so.
Sorry. 
I had seen it.
I just wanted to touch it for myself.
The teeth on that thing--
They're huge.
Of course they are.
The better to bite you with, my dear.
I thought something like this would be in an evidence locker.
What's it doing here?
An addition to your collection?
I had it sent over for study.
Well, if you understand the outside,
Well, if you understand the outside, you have a better chance of understanding the inside.
But yes yes, it would make a great addition.
Well, shall we begin?
Unauthorized personnel, please check in with the security station to the right.
Have anice day.
I'm sorry, you don't have clearance to be down here--
Johnny.
Hello, Karen.
It's good to see you.
Hello, Karen.
It's good to see you.
Johnny, how are you?
It's been so long.
About a year, a year and a half maybe.
I take it you're here to see Jamie.
I was hoping to surprise her.
I understand.
Listen,
I am so glad that the two of you are giving it another shot.
Between you and me, she has not been the same since the two of you separated.
Thanks, Karen.
I'm just gonna wander around until I find her, okay?
I'm just gonna wander around until I find her, okay?
Okay. 
Good luck.Thanks.
Here at Parker's Asylum we strive to reach new levels of commitment in bringing new methods of treatment to our patients.
- We're in.
- We're in.
And this is?
A gift for helping me on the case.
Merry Christmas.
It's fruit cake-- A little joke.
Let's get on, shall we, Miss Garvey?
Fine. 
I'd like to see my client.
I'd like to see that-
- No.
No?
He's just begun a delicate treatment.
It would be a detriment to interrupt him.
Dr. Parker, forgive me if I sound rude, but I'm gonna need more than your word.
Are you telling me things have changed.
Are you telling me things have changed since the inquests of 1955 and '60 regarding the asylum's mistreatment of patients?
When my father ran this hospital, psychiatry and the treatment of the criminally insane were uncharted territory.
Perhaps some of the treatments at that time may have seemed radical, but I can assure you they were undertaken with the best interests of the patients' welfare.
Including the drowning machine?
Aquatic reinforcement.
My father believed in techniques which utilized the concept of operant conditioning--
The concept of operant conditioning--
Rehabilitation through punishment.
He had built a machine that submerged a patient in cold water if they responded or acted out in an incorrect manner.
But as I said, we've--
We've learned from my father's mistakes.
Times have changed.
You currently use restraint collars.
The possibility for misuse is--
Nothing goes on in this facility that I'm not fully aware of.
You have to remember we're dealing with dangerous offenders.
Precautions have to be taken.
Precautions have to be taken.
Then I'm sure you wouldn't mind if I take a quick peek at the living conditions of my client.
No offense, Miss Garvey, but the reason Mr. Grierson is not in the electric chair right now is because of me, no matter how good you look in the business suit. 
Well--
If the next words out of your mouth are not.
"Thank you and goodbye,"
I'm not interested.
I run this facility and I make the rules.
And you can just get used to it.
And don't pout when you don't get what you want.
And don't pout when you don't get what you want.
It's not becoming.
Carl.
Sir?
Have Dr. Morgan give Miss Garvey a tour of the facility and then escort her off the grounds.
Only doctors should engage in personal discussion.
This is the one.
This is it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And how are you planning on getting in?
You stole it from Jamie?
Borrowed.
And I guess you know the pass code too, right?
If she hasn't changed it.
Access granted.
Sometimes I hate you.
Dr. Morgan, are you sure you can't let me see Mr. Grierson?
You know I can't.
You know, I saw your husband almost every day in court.
It must be really hard on him knowing that his sister's killer is just a few feet away from his wife.
- We're not together anymore.
- Access granted.
Sorry to hear that.
Have a nice day, Miss Garvey.
I'm sure you know your way out.
You gave me this, remember?
Yeah, and I gave you that.
Yeah, and I gave you that.
But we're not even close to being even.
It's okay.
I just want to talk.
And since you can't talk, this is gonna be a little one-sided.
Do you remember her?
You killed my sister, you son of a bitch.
Not so tough without your costume, are you?
Attention all staff, Dr. Morgan, please report to Harold Grierson's cell immediately.
Dr. Jamie Morgan to cell 22A immediately.
Thank you.
We've got to get out of here.
Johnny, you heard the--
What the hell are you doing?
Mind your business, Pete.
Johnny, you said you wanted some time to make him sing.
He's not singing.
Sure he is.
He just don't know the tune.
Sure he is.
He just don't know the tune.
I'm sorry, but I can't let you do this.
Yes, you can.
Let me do this.
Johnny.
You know why we came, Pete.
You can pretend like you don't, but you do.
Let me do this, Pete.
I figured if I was gonna do something crazy, this would be the place.
What are you gonna do?
Access granted.
God damn it.
Johnny?
What the hell are you guys doing here?
Surprise.
Back to your corner, Harold, now.
Come on, we're gonna get you out of here before D--
Dr. Parker.
Dr. Parker.
I'm surprised to see you here, Johnny.
Well, I was just in the neighborhood and I decided to drop by personally and thank you for all your tremendous insight at the trial.
You don't think a man who dresses as a wolf has psychological problems?
Not my call to make.
No, it's not.
I can appreciate your emotional predicament.
Johnny Morgan, age five, witnesses the death of his sister at the hands of a costumed killer;
Age six through 16-- A problem child, moves from school to school;
Moves from school to school;
Age 18, he finds a purpose, find Jesus, studies to be a cop;
Age 25, he's top of the class, becomes a detective, hoping to make a difference.
Shortly thereafter his sister's killer reappears and kills his partner.
How am I doing?
You flatter me.
Let's just say I could write a book about a boy who has the opportunity to kill his childhood demon and fails.
Of course it would be a very short book, but nevertheless...
Of course it would be a very short book, but nevertheless...
The night's still young, Bob.
Listen to me, son.
I let you play your little game in there, but your fun's over.
The only reason I'm not having you hauled out of here in handcuffs is because it would be an embarrassment to this institution and damage its reputation, not to mention the reputation of its lead doctor.
I assume you still care what happens to her.
I mean, someone has to, what with you obsessing about the past and all.
I assume I can count on you to make sure he doesn't cause any more trouble.
To make sure he doesn't cause any more trouble.
Yes.
Hey Jamie.
Pete.
Jesus, Johnny, he could have had you arrested for this.
You stole my ID card.
Do you have anything to say for yourself at all?
You're not wearing our wedding ring.
What?
What?
Our wedding ring--
You're not wearing it.
We're not together anymore, Johnny. 
We're--
I kept your name.
Yeah.
Look,
I know this has been tough on you.
If you want to talk, we can--
Don't. 
Don't do that.
Don't. 
Don't do that.
I'm not one of your patients.
That's not what I meant.
If you want to stick around, we can hang out after my session with Mabel.
Sure.
What about you, Pete?
Point me in the direction of the kitchen and I'm good.
Although security remains foremost in the minds of staff,
- So how have you been? 
- ...the well-being of the patients...
Good.
Good.
I've been okay. 
You?
Okay.
Hey, you two. 
Johnny, I have been looking all over for you.
You just disappeared on me.
Yeah, sorry about that.
Listen, Dr. Parker said that he is not going to be able to see Sabrina after all today.
And I don't know what to do.
We still have that session with Mabel.
Don't worry about it, Karen.
We'll figure something out.
I can look after her.
You will?
I'm here.
I'm here.
You might as well put me to some use.
She doesn't talk very much.
That's okay. 
Neither do I.
Okay, listen, sweetheart.
Now you be a good girl and you listen to Mr. Morgan.
And I'll see you real soon, hmm?
You little sneak--
Taking my earring.
When did you do that?
Thank you.
Now you be good. 
Promise?
Both of you.
So that was cool of Santa to give you his hat, right?
♪ Dear Santa ♪
♪ I'm writing this letter ♪
♪ To ask... ♪
- My mama's dead.
- ♪ ...a favor of you ♪
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I don't remember her all that well.
I don't like to.
It hurts, you know?
A reminder that every Tuesday cleaning of cell blocks 5 and 15 will commence.
Please make the ne--
Johnny.
Nothing to worry about.
I'm sure the power is gonna be back on in no time.
You want to hold the flashlight?
Miss Garvey.
Ah you scare me.
What are you doing still here?
Wrong turn.
Unlikely. 
Regardless, I don't have time for this.
Does this happen often?
The whole asylum is in lockdown.
It happens whenever there is a power failure.
It's a safety precaution.
No one gets in or out.
What do we do?
We flip the switch and reset the system.
If you want to make yourself useful, you can give me a hand.
You can give me a hand.
We should probably check to see if Dr. Parker's okay.
Everybody calm down.
I'm sure the lights will be back up in no time.
Sabrina, ah sweetheart.
Were you scared?
Why isn't the power turned back on?
I'm not sure.
There's the emergency lights now.
Here, hold this.
There we go. 
And voilà.
And voilà what?
Wait for it.
...scheduling.
We would like to wish you and safe and happy--
System error code 1.
Now listen carefully.
I'm sure the patients are a little frightened by the power outage, so be extra calm and speak...
Temperature gauge-- Was founded in 1929--
Temperature gauge-- Was founded in 1929--
Good morning.
Cell door unlocking.
- You have to remember-- 
- Hey Jamie.
Unlocking. 
Unlocking.
- Listen.
- Unlocking. 
Unlocking. 
Unlocking.
Unlocking. 
Unlocking...
Oh my God.
System restored.
Everybody just stay quiet for a second.
Please do not panic. 
The asylum is in lockdown. 
Something's beeping.
Please do not panic. 
The asylum is in lockdown. 
Something's beeping.
Find safe quarters and wait for assistance from the local authorities.
I got it.
Okay, we do it your way.
Okay, we do it your way.
But I hope you know what you're doing.
- Please do not panic.
- The asylum is in lockdown.
Find safe quarters and wait for assistance from the local authorities.
Benny, I need you to listen to my voice, okay?
♪ Fais dodo ♪
♪ Colas mon-- ♪
No? 
Okay.
Marty, don't move.
Sabrina, where are you?
Benny, no.
If you don't tell me exactly what's going on,
I'm calling the police.
Don't bother.
We're separated by 8' of rock.
There's a landline in my office.
What was that?
Come with me and stay away from the doors.
Why do I need to stay away from the--?
That's why you stay away from doors and that's why we have proximity collars.
Hey, little chicken, Chicken Little.
All right, young, tender fried chicken.
I'm going to chicken-finger-fry you.
I'm going to chicken-finger-fry you.
Hey there, little one.
Are you okay?
This bad man is not gonna hurt you anymore.
I'm going to the kitchen.
Want to come?
Well, come on.
I'm famished.
- Hey, stay with us. 
Stay with us.
- What happened?
What happened? 
What happened?
Do you know your way around here in the dark?
Yeah. 
Why?
I need you to take me to the Wolf's cell.
Why would I do that?
Why would I do that?
Because I need to make sure he's still there or that he's not.
Why me? 
Why not him?
He knows his way around here just as well as I do, so...
He knows his way around here just as well as I do, so...
You, Pete, walk with me.
Do you have any weapons that we can use to round up the patients?
No, all we have is these tranquilizer guns in case Benny ever got loose.
They're supposed to have enough sedatives to take down a large animal.
One hit him in the neck and he didn't go down.
Maybe he's a bigger animal than you thought.
You know how to use this?
Good. 
Don't be afraid to.
I want you to split up into teams of two and find that girl.
And find that girl.
She's gone, Jamie.
She's gone.
She'll be okay, Karen.
I looked all over for her.
I can't find her anywhere.
I can't even think about that.
What about you, Johnny?
We'll be fine.
Everything's gonna be fine.
You take care of her, okay?
Sabrina. 
Sabrina.
Sabrina.
Sabrina.
We should split up like Johnny said.
That's a good idea.
That's a good idea.
Pete and I will go this way.
And you and Greg go that way.
Do you still have your proximity box?
Good. 
Be ready to use it.
Just stick together and we'll all be fine.
Karen, we're going to find her.
I know.
Sabrina.
Sabrina. 
Sabrina.
Sabrina.
Sabrina.
The asylum is in lockdown.
Sabrina.
Please find safe quarters and wait for assistance from the local authorities.
The asylum is in lockdown.
The asylum is in lockdown.
Find safe quarters and wait for assistance from the local authorities.
I don't see anything.
I'm getting help.
I'm getting help.
Round two, you bastard.
Who the hell are you?
I'm the hand of God.
I came for ye who bathed in the blood of the innocents.
You came for the Wolf?
Yes.
And you found me--
Honest mistake.
I'm willing to overlook the whole choking bit and turn the other cheek.
You're no better--
A sinner just like the Wolf.
Take it back.
Soon I will bathe in your pagan blood for I am the instrument of the almighty and righteous Lord God, of the almighty and righteous Lord God,
He who--
I will kill you.
The hand of God is absolute and just.
And just.
My God.
Yeah.
Sit down.
Please.
Please, mercy.
There is no mercy here.
Sabrina, Sabrina, are you in there?
Sabrina.
Greg.
Greg, is that you?
Oh my God.
- ♪ O Come...
- All ye faithful ♪
♪ Joyful and triumphant ♪
♪ O come ye, O come ye ♪
♪ To Bethlehem... ♪
♪ To Bethlehem... ♪
Jamie.
It's okay.
♪ Come and behold Him ♪
♪ Born the King of angels ♪
♪ O come, let us adore Him ♪
♪ O come ♪ ♪ Let us adore Him ♪
♪ O come, let us ♪
♪ Adore Him ♪
♪ Christ the Lord ♪
♪ Christ the Lord ♪
♪ Adeste-- ♪
♪ Fideles ♪ ♪ Laeti triumphantes... ♪
Mabel, it's Jamie.
Go back to your room.
I don't want to hurt you.
Mabel?
Drop the gun.
Dr. Morgan, so good of you to come.
Please don't kill me.
Shh.
It's okay.
I'm not one of the crazies.
You scared the crap out of me.
Johnny Morgan? 
Yeah.
Oh, it's you.
- Small world.
- Small world.
I'm just here checking on my client
I'm just here checking on my client and making sure he's okay.
What a coincidence.
I was just gonna go check on your client.
And you know where his cell is?
Yeah, but he's not there.
He's not in his cell?
And how does that make you feel?
Better or worse?
That's not fair.
I thoroughly researched this case.
There is no physical evidence linking Grierson to your sister.
Listen, there's an eight-year-old girl down here somewhere and so is he.
I'm not willing to give your client the benefit of the doubt.
The benefit of the doubt.
Oh God.
Run.
I don't want any trouble.
Oh shit.
Dr. Morgan, would you be a doll and drop your little gadget into that pot of water, please?
Mabel, you don't want to do this.
Mabel, you don't want to do this.
Oh, I'm pretty surel do.
Mabel, please.
Do it.
Okay.
Okay.
I did what you asked.
Now let him go.
This isn't your husband, is it, Jamie?
No.
No.
Good.
No!
Girls' night!
This is everything I ever wanted, Jamie--
Just you and me, two gals alone in the kitchen, cooking up a storm.
Mabel, what have you done?
Oh, let's get started.
Override lock.
- Error code 1A.
- --Come on, come on.
- Access denied.
- Please please.
- Error code 7.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Error code 7.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Access denied.
- Work. 
Work, damn it.
- Override lock. 
Error code 7-1.
- Come on, come on.
Access denied.
Please find safe quarters and wait for assistance.
How many fire codes is this violating?
I see you've removed your collar.
You're smarter than I thought you were.
Shall we end this now?
In the event of a medical emergency or if you require assistance staff members can be recognized by photo identification badges.
By photo identification badges.
Although security remains foremost in the minds of staff at Parker's, the well-being of the patients is second to none.
What the--?
Damn it.
I'm only gonna take one--
I'm only gonna take one--
Just one, only one.
- Get the hell away from me.
- But I only need one--
Just one toe.
Oh, Jamie told me about you.
The blood is traveling to your head--
Leaves less blood in your feet.
Won't hurt as much.
Won't be as messy.
If you even look at my feet,
I will kill you.
I was only gonna take one--
The second from the last.
You wouldn't miss it.
The second from the last.
You wouldn't miss it.
I know it's not needed for balance or stability.
It's not needed for anything really.
It's the little piggy who had none.
It's just not important.
They're all important.
Let me down.
Okay.
Where did you get that hat?
The kitchen.
The same place I got these.
The kitchen.
They're leftovers.
Leftovers?
Yeah. 
They--
Yeah. 
They--
They won't be needing them anymore.
No. 
Mabel.
Sorry. 
I'm so sorry.
Don't think I'm done with you.
Sorry.
Now, Jamie, the trick is to gut them while they're still fresh.
Now I know some people would disagree, but that's the way I like to do it.
And you can maximize the amount of meat you can freeze for later.
You can freeze for later.
Now the next step is to take off the head just like a fish.
We'll get the eyes later.
Mm, they're such a delicacy.
Now then, you take a sharp cutting knife like this and you pierce the flesh just under the ribcage.
Here, I like to call this a gutting knife--
You know, cutting knife-- gutting knife.
Anyway, so then you make a straight line.
Anyway, so then you make a straight line down from the abdomen just-- just above his wee-wee.
Ooh, looks like he's been cut before.
Oh, I can be so nasty sometimes.
Now comes the fun part.
Okay, hold these.
Come on, hold these.
There. 
Good.
There. 
Good.
Oh, Jamie, that is so gross.
You scream like a girl.
So do you.
You don't see me judging.
Where's Dr. Parker?
I was gonna go check his office.
What are you still doing here?
It's a long story.
You think we should go in?
Dr. Parker?
He's not here.
This doesn't make any sense.
This doesn't make any sense.
What is it?
This is Dr. Parker's file on Grierson.
You shouldn't be reading this.
Okay, but I am. 
Look.
If I'm reading it correctly, it says.
Grierson was already a patient here, but under Dr. Parker Senior's care.
But the name on the file is Mason Crane.
Well, I'm sure there's some sort of explanation for this.
Of course there's an explanation for it, but this is the first time I've heard of it, and I'm gonna ask Dr. Parker why.
Where are you going?
We should wait here.
Right?
Oh, I could get used to this.
On behalf of the board of directors at Parker's Asylum, we would like to wish you a safe and happy holiday.
Carl?
Merry Christmas.
Jamie, are you paying attention?
Good.
Now the next thing we do with our rib dish--
We put it in the oven for 88 minutes, not 90. 88, and cook it at 375 degrees on the top rack, because we don't want to lose the vitamins now, do we?
And then ta-dah!
And then ta-dah!
Simple as dimple pie.
Between us,
I'd say you have a better rack than old buddy boy in there.
But friends just don't eat friends.
I mean, what kind of person would I be to eat you for dessert, huh?
I'm not saying you wouldn't taste good.
On the contrary,
I'm sure
I'm sure your tight legs are juicy.
And with a cherry glaze--
Mm mm mm.
Oh, sometimes I get so carried away.
Let's make the eyeball spread.
Jamie,
I gotta say I'm having a wonderful time.
I gotta say I'm having a wonderful time.
I'd rather be here with you than with anyone--
Now what did you have to go and do that for?
Oh my God.
Argh!
Argh!
We were having such a good time.
And then you had to go and ruin it by stabbing me in the back.
Jamie, I thought we were friends.
We were, Mabel.
We were friends.
But what do you expect?
You're cooking half my staff for dinner.
And Pete--
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Jamie.
Mabel, we're not that close.
No, but we're close enough.
Aww, did Jamie have a boo-boo?
Mabel, please.
No more "pleases," Jamie.
I think it's time we made
Jamie a la mode.
Harold, it's me--
Your attorney.
Harold, listen to me.
Listen to me.
I found a file that shows that you were treated here before by Dr. Parker's father.
Now they're trying to cover it up and I don't know why.
But this is new information.
We can get you a new hearing.
We can get you to a new treatment facility,
We can get you to a new treatment facility, take you to somewhere that has some goddamn windows.
Oh God.
I just-
- I just--
I just want to help you.
I--
I--
I just--
I just want to help you.
Okay?
Argh!
I don't-
- I don't--
I don't want to die.
♪ What a shame ♪
♪ What a shame ♪
♪ To miss this ♪
♪ Time of year when all is white ♪
♪ We've been all so busy lately ♪
♪ Now I'm asking you to stay ♪
♪ Let's stay home... ♪
Johnny.
Johnny.
Shh shh shh.
It's okay. 
It's me.
There's a really big guy around the corner.
And we don't want to make him angry.
Understand?
Okay.
- Where have you been?
- Jamie's in trouble.
- Where?
- In the kitchen.
Okay, I want you to stay here and only open the door if it's me, and only open the door if it's me,
Jamie or your grandma.
You got it?
Got it.
I'll be right back.
Could I have the flashlight back?
Okay.
Thanks.
I got an idea.
Hey big guy.
Remember me?
Beat it.
I can't.
Jamie's in trouble.
The pretty lady?
Yeah, the pretty lady.
Yeah, the pretty lady.
Go away.
I wish it didn't have to come to this and I hope I'm not making a giant mistake, but, big guy, it's time to get nuts.
Hey.
Yeah, that's it.
Come and get me.
Hey, Mabel, chew on this.
Okay, big boy, let's see what you got.
Johnny.
Shh, it's okay. 
I got you.
Johnny, Mabel-- she--
I know.
I saw.
I saw.
She killed Pete, Johnny.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Jamie,
I need you to be strong.
Sabrina's waiting for us.
Sabrina?
Where is she?
Grandma.
Please make the necessary arrangements with scheduling.
Johnny, wait. 
I just wanted to say something.
Jamie, there will be time for all that when we get out of here.
No.
Johnny, I never stopped wearing your wedding ring.
I just want you to know
I never stopped wearing it.
Sabrina. 
Sabrina, you can come out now.
Sabrina. 
Sabrina, you can come out now.
Shit.
Holy Father Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done!
- Sabrina.
- Sabrina.
Johnny, I'm over here.
- Sabrina.
- Jamie.
We're over here, Sabrina.
Johnny, I'm over here.
Sabrina.
It's okay.
We got you.
Thank God we found you.
Hey, kid, it's okay. 
We got you.
Hey, kid, it's okay. 
We got you.
He's here.
Go. 
Get out of here.
I'm not leaving without you.
Just go.
Sabrina, go go go.
If you want them, you're gonna have to go through me.
Jamie, run!
Run as fast as you can!
Jamie, he's gonna cut you off.
Go go go!
Jamie?
It's gonna be okay.
Be strong.
What the hell do you want?
I'm sorry, really sorry.
I'm over it.
Now get out of here.
She's gone.
I'm sorry, she's gone.
Oliver, if you know where Jamie is,
Oliver, if you know where Jamie is, by God you'd better tell me.
The walls-- If you listen they tell you secrets--
Secrets only the walls could know.
I know secrets too.
The spirits--
They're crazy too, you know.
What are you babbling about?
The land, this building.
Listen. 
Listen.
Listen. 
Listen.
I don't hear anything.
If you want to know, then listen!
Listen.
They hide, deep in the ground.
Your answer lies there.
Are you the Woodcutter?
Let's find out.
Oliver, if we get out of this alive, do me a favor, put some clothes on.
Sabrina! 
Oh God.
Sabrina.
Wake up, Sabrina.
Sabrina, over here.
Jamie.
Sabrina, we have to get out of here, okay?
We-- we--
We have to get out of here.
Sabrina, wait.
Grandma?
Grandma?
Run, Sabrina, run!
Leave her alone.
Johnny.
Go hide, Sabrina.
Argh!
Johnny!
Johnny, run.
Run.
Johnny, no.
Johnny!
Jamie.
Stay away from him.
Who-- who--
Who are you?
Hello, Johnny.
Dr. Parker?
You're the--?
You're the--?
How could you do this?
Do you want my professional opinion or do you want the truth?
My professional opinion is that as a child
I was neglected by my mother and at the same time severely beaten by my father.
During one particular example of patriarchal brutality my father drowned me repeatedly until I promised never to question his authority again, drowned me in the same cage where he would drown his patients.
Where he would drown his patients.
But with me it was different--
Very different.
The truth, you see, is much more interesting.
You see, Jamie, when he raised the cage for the last time he brought up not only his waterlogged son,
but something from deep inside the well, something evil, something powerful, something powerful, something with an unquenchable thirst for life.
I don't understand.
Grierson-- How does he fit in?
Grierson is nothing, like a piece of clay at the hands of a sculptor--
Easily manipulated, easy to train.
Wolves hunt in packs.
But ultimately he was a fool.
Yes, I'd let him wear my suit, but a man is not the measure of the clothes on his back.
But a man is not the measure of the clothes on his back.
I created in Grierson a perfect scapegoat for my past crimes.
I brought him here so that I could watch over him forever.
But when your husband decided to take justice into his own hands,
I couldn't resist.
I saw the opportunity to tie up all my loose ends in one night.
You see, Johnny, in the grand scheme that's all you are--
That's all you are--
A loose end.
You didn't have to kill everyone.
Karen had nothing to do with this.
Well, the irony of a grandmother and a granddaughter wasn't lost on me.
Speaking of which,
I'd better get about finding Little Red.
Why did you stop?
After all of these years, after Johnny's sister?
After all of these years, after Johnny's sister?
Why did you stop?
Who said I stopped?
You won't get away with this.
I can see the papers now--
"A Christmas Miracle.
Harold Grierson the Wolf is Killed by Dr. Parker in Horrific Holiday Massacre.
A Hero for our Time."
But the Wolf won't be gone for long.
He will return when the hunger gets too great.
You killed my sister.
I killed lots of little girls.
And like all those beautiful girls, you too will find what evil awaits in the bottom of the well.
Little Red.
Sabrina, run.
Get out of here. 
Run and hide!
Johnny, Johnny, you have to get up.
You can't hide, Sabrina.
Johnny, wake up.
Johnny, wake up.
Johnny, wake up.
Johnny, wake up.
...four...
Katie.
...five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10.
Ready or not, here I come.
Johnny, I can't play now.
Johnny, I can't play now.
You have to get up.
I'm dying. 
I don't think I can.
You don't have a choice.
Get up!
Johnny, please.
You have to get up.
Oh my God, Jamie.
How do I stop it?
You can't. 
He broke the lever.
There's got to be another way.
There isn't.
Johnny, you gotta go.
Johnny, you gotta go.
Save Sabrina.
Don't let him get her too.
I'm not leaving you.
Listen to me, Johnny.
You have time to come back and save me.
But you gotta go now, okay?
Jamie, there's not enough time.
God damn it, Johnny, just go.
Go.
Go.
You can't hide, Sabrina.
I will find you.
Hey, little girl, come quick.
Quick quick.
Here, you hide in there.
Go on. 
Go on.
Oliver, where is the girl?
Uh, I don't know what you're talking about, sir.
Aren't you a little overdressed?
Aren't you?
Where is she?
Hello, Little Red.
Johnny.
Now... where were we?
Come here. 
Come here.
Jamie!
- Go.
- Johnny.
Johnny?
I love you.
Johnny.
Johnny, you found me.
Johnny.
Johnny.
Johnny?
Johnny, wake up.
Johnny, wake up.
No, Johnny.
Johnny, no, wake up.
Hey. 
Hey babe.
Access granted.
Good morning, Dr. Morgan.
Johnny.
Johnny?
♪ Waiting... ♪
♪ When your hands ♪
♪ Are cold ♪
♪ When the leaves on your flowers ♪
♪ When the leaves on your flowers ♪
♪ Start to fall ♪
♪ When the trees ♪
♪ Lie bare ♪
♪ I will be there ♪
♪ I will be there ♪
♪ We won't speak of bitter words ♪
♪ We'll lay them down ♪
♪ Lay them down ♪
♪ Lay them down ♪
♪ We'll talk of blessings heard ♪
♪ And hold them close ♪
♪ Hold them close ♪
♪ When we walk ♪
♪ When we walk ♪
♪ Along ♪
♪ When the time we have together ♪
♪ Is too short ♪
♪ I will take ♪
♪ Your hand ♪
♪ And I will keep you on the road ♪
♪ So you don't fall ♪
♪ These days will shine so bright ♪
♪ These days will shine so bright ♪
♪ And lead us home ♪
♪ Lead us home ♪
♪ They'll light the time we have ♪
♪ And keep us warm ♪
♪ Keep us warm ♪
♪ And when the memories call ♪
♪ I need them ♪
♪ I need them ♪
♪ I need them ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ But when I scale that wall ♪
♪ I'll leave them ♪
♪ I'll leave them. ♪♪♪

(SIGHING) Okay, therafy me.
You're late.
You're fat.
It's unusual.
You know how far the parking lot is?
My leg's been hurting.
Anything been on your mind lately?
Any particular stress?
Nope. 
Probably just gonna rain.
Hmm.
You like the new Monet reproduction in the waiting room?
The Water Lilies?
I was late. 
I wasn't focusing on the decor, but it sounds appropriately bland and calming.
Stress can also make you absent-minded.
I'm not stressed.
Beyond the stress induced by you telling me how stressed I am.
Just an ordinary week.
Okay.
Tell me about it.
(WOMAN CHATTERING ON PA)
HOUSE: 
I had a patient...
CUDDY: 
House?
Good, I have a case for you.
Beer?
Amnesia.
She was found jogging in the street, disoriented.
She almost got hit by a truck.
The MRI showed no abnormalities.
No ID on her, just her jogging clothes and her heart rate monitor.
We know absolutely nothing about her.
HOUSE: 
We know she has money.
Blaze Outriggers, 400 bucks a pair.
People who have money don't just disappear.
Sooner or later, someone is gonna show up looking for her.
Can I have something to eat?
She just ate 15 minutes ago.
She keeps forgetting.
You don't eat because you remember it's time to eat, you eat because you're hungry.
Her metabolism is in high gear.
She is an extreme long-distance runner who...
NOLAN:
Why were you in the ER?
That's your question?
You're a psychotherapist, you're hearing about a great amnesia case, and all you're asking me is geography?
Just curious.
I was avoiding Wilson.
It's not something you couldn't have seen eight miles away.
Wilson's a processor.
I knew there were some things that he'd want to process with me.
At length.
Sam's moving in.
If it's before Friday, your assistant wins the pool.
I was just wondering what your plans were.
Tonight?
In life.
Sam likes you...
But she wants me to move out.
No.
I want you to move out.
I didn't know things with Sam would happen so quickly.
I didn't...
I don't want to make a mistake here.
I've made a lot of mistakes.
By moving too quickly.
Given your usual rate of commitment,
I'm surprised you're not already re-divorced.
I could help you find a place.
What's wrong with my old place?
Nothing. 
I just thought you might want to find somewhere new.
Somewhere...
Where I didn't abuse drugs and hallucinate?
Yes.
I'm fine.
NOLAN: 
You're fine?
Your best friend is tossing you out, and you're fine?
Why wouldn't I be?
You're not feeling a little betrayed and angry?
Wilson bought a two-bedroom condo specifically so that you could move in with him.
It wasn't that long ago.
You don't feel a little jerked around?
He couldn't foresee Sam coming back into his life.
That's a very rational defense of your friend, and I'm not buying it.
Based on what?
Based on the fact that you were late, and you didn't notice the pictures in the outer office.
Those aren't symptoms.
They are to me.
And here's another one, you took the case. 
Hmm.
No negotiating.
No bargaining.
No clinic hours changed hands.
Were you looking for something to distract you from the fact that your best friend just threw you out?
The case was interesting.
It's not organic, it's not mysterious.
Most likely some psychologically traumatic event occurred that made the patient's brain choose to forget everything.
Or not.
HOUSE: 
Here.
Loss of differentiation between gray and white matter.
TAUB: 
It's subtle.
But it's in the area that controls memory.
Not likely it's a coincidence.
Bacterial infection?
Do I need to know this?
Fine, I'll give you the CliffNotes version.
Chase, MS. Taub, physical trauma.
I could tell you why we ruled them out.
Or not.
It's probably a toxin, and we need to find it before it kills her.
We should search her house.
Good luck with that.
Her heart rate monitor has a serial number.
The distributor can match the number to the store that sold it.
She's a serious athlete.
She might have been there often enough to be remembered.
Brilliant.
Did he really say that?
Subtextually.
Long shot.
Even if the store clerk does know who she is, the store's probably close to where she lives.
Just seeing those surroundings might spark a memory.
You want us to take her there?
No.
I'll take her.
Really?
It's unusual for you to spend time with a patient, isn't it?
Patients are boring, as people.
This one, I'm sure, was no exception, but her situation was interesting.
Besides, I was still avoiding Wilson, and no better way to avoid than leaving the hospital.
Maybe. 
Or were you avoiding going home?
There's a reason they tell addicts to stay away from old geography.
I wasn't avoiding going home.
I'd already gone home, before I came in to work that day.
I went straight there from Wilson's.
(THUD)
ALVIE: 
Hey! 
Take it easy.
You're gonna kill me.
God, why don't people knock...
House, it's you!
Where you been?
Hold up a second.
NOLAN: 
Alvie?
Juan Alvarez?
You let him stay at your place?
Not exactly.
(THUD)
I was beginning to wonder if you were ever gonna show up.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Why are you here?
When I left Mayfield, I went back to the old neighborhood.
You know, you shouldn't leave the bathroom window unlocked.
Yeah, thanks for the safety lesson.
Why are you here?
Like I said, when I went back to the neighborhood,
I found out Immigration was looking for me.
So I decided to visit my old buddy House.
And turn his apartment into a giant prison jumpsuit.
Juan Alvarez is no freeloader.
I do my part, earn my keep.
The first week, I made you dinner, but you never showed up.
The second week, I organized your stuff.
My stuff?
But still, you never showed up.
So this week, since I'm a real good painter, I decided to feng shui...
Coffee table.
Where'd you put it?
In the bedroom?
The paint's not cheap, House.
It's a custom color.
It's a mix of titanium yellow and ochre.
Ochre. 
I don't even like that stuff.
It's like a fruit, it's got hair on it, but they say it's a vegetable...
You sold my table to pay for paint that I don't want?
I had to sell some other things, too.
Get out.
No, papa, just give the color a chance.
Look, I'm going to work now.
And when I come back, the walls will be a less exciting color, and you will be gone.
So Wilson threw you out, and you threw Alvie out.
Just another week?
HOUSE: 
But unlike me, Alvie didn't leave.
I took my motorcycle to work that day.
When I went home to get my car, he was painting the ceiling magenta.
So I brought him with me to protect the apartment.
Why?
To protect the apartment.
Whoa, déjà vu.
Tossing him out, or sending him to the movies, or locking him in the bathroom would also minimize Alvie's destructive force.
But you chose his company deliberately. 
Why?
Obviously, because he's a Wilson substitute.
You can barely tell the difference between them, especially when Wilson raps about the 'hood.
I'm not suggesting Alvie's a substitute, but he would make a great distraction.
From what?
That's what I'm trying to find out.
Go on.
Maybe the heart rate monitor was a gift.
That's why no one recognized her.
Shut up, Alvie.
Anything familiar?
Church? 
Grocery store?
Sorry.
It's okay, Miss X.
Maybe she's never been to this town before.
Bought the heart rate monitor on the store's website.
You know that Puerto Ricans are US citizens, right?
Instead of working the case, why don't you contemplate the inanity of an American with American immigration issues?
I had a birth certificate.
I lost it.
So get a new one.
I tried that, House.
But the town hall had burned down when I was a kid, destroyed the records.
There's only one copy?
They tried to make me fill out a whole bunch of forms before they'd give it to me.
I decided it'd be quicker and easier to do it myself.
How'd that go?
They figured out it was forged, and now, for some reason, they don't believe anything I say.
They actually think I'm lying about being Puerto Rican.
Told me I had to go to a special hearing to prove it.
What if nothing ever looks familiar?
Then someone will show up, a spouse, a friend, to tell you who you really are and what you should be feeling.
They always do.
I don't know who that is, but I miss him.
What did they say at the hearing?
I didn't go.
I lied once.
Your mother's Puerto Rican, therefore you are Puerto Rican.
All you gotta do is prove your mom is your mom.
Find some documentation...
People like that don't listen to people like me.
Donuts. 
Hey, House, let's get donuts!
Alvie, the hearing...
Everyone loves donuts.
Glazed, crullers, elephant ears, even donut holes.
Much better than the sporting goods store.
I bet Mrs. X went there all the time.
We're not here...
HOUSE: 
And then I realized...
You make a good point.
Really?
I was making that up.
Dozen glazed, dozen jelly-filled?
You want the usual, right?
Your old friend, the fried carbohydrate.
She needed the calorically dense food to support the running habit.
Do you know her name?
Sandy or Shelley, I don't know.
The guy she's with called her that once.
I just work here.
Do you know where they live?
He left a business card in our free donut jar.
It's up on the Wall of Winners.
(RINGS)
Sidney.
God, I was so worried about you.
What happened?
The police said it was too soon to do anything, so I started calling hospitals on my own.
Princeton-Plainsboro wasn't even on my list.
You really think something around here could have made her sick?
HOUSE: 
Here, work, anywhere she could have been exposed.
Why wasn't Princeton-Plainsboro on your list?
Well, I mean, it's a long way to run, even for her.
What is it I do besides run?
You're a lawyer.
Civil rights, class-action suits.
It's a stressful job, running's the way you deal with it.
That doesn't sound like me.
Do you have any idea what would sound like you?
Good point.
NOLAN: 
So what were you thinking during all this?
HOUSE: 
That it was a strange position to be in.
At that moment, she was more comfortable with me than with her husband.
And he was picking up on it.
What about you?
What about me how?
There was a sort of artificial intimacy between you.
She had been dependent on you.
Did you find that attractive on some level?
Disturbing?
Those are my two choices?
None of the above.
She was just a patient.
She was interesting.
So we're really married.
For four years.
Miss X, you lead a lemon-fresh life.
I found three different cleansers under the sink.
Cleaned out the medicine cabinets, too.
You know, she just won a settlement for some families whose housing development was built on an old methane field.
HOUSE: 
A toxic exposure to methane could explain this.
I surf?
You stopped before we met.
You've been too busy.
And we're married?
Yes.
ALVIE: 
All right, it's nothing personal.
I bet she didn't think you were her type back when you first met either.
HOUSE: 
We'll take her back to the hospital, test her blood and urine, start treatment.
(SIDNEY GROANS)
Are you okay?
I'm all right.
What happened?
I don't know. 
My foot suddenly went numb.
Her pants are wet.
Urinary incontinence.
She's having complex partial seizures.
This isn't methane.
And you can leave the bucket.
We need to get her...
NOLAN: 
Seizures?
(CHUCKLES)
This is the second diagnosis you've come up with that has a personal resonance for you.
I'm choosing my diagnoses based on personal issues?
You think she fell down the stairs and peed her pants 'cause Wilson dumped her, too?
You're choosing to tell me about this case.
So let's look at it.
First, you were fixated on a harmful toxin from her past, possibly because you're worried about a harmful toxin from your...
Chase had the toxin idea.
Maybe he's obsessed with my past.
And now you're talking about a seizure disorder...
Which is also not a toxin.
But which is most likely caused by an old injury to the brain.
Why do you see your past as such a threat?
Not only am I unthreatened by it,
I was trying to get it back.
There's a ding mark.
It's a piece of junk.
It was dinged when it came in.
Sure. 
The cup marks, the scuffs, and the paint, and those three chips.
This fourth one is new.
I run a pawn shop, not a storage company.
Do you want it or not?
That should be it.
You said you pawned five books.
There's only four.
That's all there is.
Where's Approach to the Acute Abdomen?
Sold it.
To?
I can't tell you.
It's the law, and it should be.
Crazy bastards like you try to hunt down their stuff.
How much for the pile?
$500.
You said it was junk.
No, no.
It's your junk, you want it.
$500.
Take it or leave it.
Why is it so important that you get your stuff back?
Unlike the rest of humanity, who's okay when their belongings are taken?
Everyone wants their stuff.
That's why it's their stuff.
Everyone doesn't pay five times what it's worth.
I like my stuff.
I hate it when Wilson moves...
Oh.
This is not about Wilson!
Say it.
(LAUGHS)
I wasn't gonna say anything.
Thirty-one, thirty-one!
Hike!
First down!
One more, you get a touchdown.
Whoo!
Hike!
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
House, you can't run for the touchdown.
And hike!
NOLAN: 
Wait, wait, wait. 
Wait.
You seriously thought you're gonna tell me that Wilson showed up, but not tell me what he said?
Because I thought you were a smart guy who didn't need the obvious spelled out to him.
Wilson noticed that I didn't come to my office all day.
He came to find me.
Wanted to make sure I'm okay.
Boring, boring, boring.
But you thought it was important to tell me about Nerf football?
(LAUGHING)
Sorry, your story.
Continue.
House! 
House! 
Stop!
Stop, stop, stop.
You okay?
Yeah.
It was my mother's.
She died when I was four.
It's all I have left.
That's very sad, Alvie.
Listen, I set up an immigration hearing.
No, House. 
I'm gonna end up in jail.
Or worse, the Dominican or someplace, qué sé yo qué. 
No.
NOLAN: 
That is interesting.
You present yourself as not giving a damn about other people's emotions, but your actions indicate otherwise.
You dismiss Alvie's story about his mother, but you cared enough to schedule a hearing.
I cared for eight seconds.
Then I got distracted.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Yeah.
TAUB:
We've kept the patient up for 12 hours now.
No hint of seizure-like activity.
We should shut this down.
Try a strobe light, add more stress.
I think there's plenty of stress in here.
Don't we ever do anything but work?
You run.
That's just more work!
What about fun?
God, how can we be this boring?
Apparently, without her memory, the patient's personality has returned to what you might call its natural state.
HOUSE: 
Seems she had a wake-up call while she was at college.
Her brother died in a car accident.
She decided to make her life mean something, went to law school.
Now that's all gone.
The thing that caused the change is gone, so the change itself is gone.
Yeah. 
I knew the psychological aspects of this case would interest you.
Bet you got a theory already.
What is it?
It's not relevant.
What is it?
Why do you care about my theory?
I think he just bores her.
I think she's at an earlier stage of development, she's looking at her grownup future, and it puts her to sleep.
If he just bored her, she'd hide it to be polite.
Their problem is synchronicity.
Just like you and me, House, they're not on the same page.
He talks to her like someone he shares history with.
But from her point of view, he's a stranger forcing intimacy on her.
Of course she doesn't like him.
He's not helping.
He can feel he's losing his wife, and it makes him come on stronger.
He almost did lose his wife.
(GASPING)
(MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY)
The breathing problem was caused by fluid overload in the lungs.
Diabetes insipidus.
And the DI came from damage to the hypothalamus.
Hypothalamus here, that's the DI and incontinence, they mingle here, that's the global amnesia, and the motor cortex, that's the foot paralysis.
What do they all have in common?
NOLAN: 
Okay, now you're just doing this to mess with me.
What possible relevance does this differential have to your problems?
It ends with a diagnosis of Spongiform Encephalitis.
I convinced the team to cut out part of this woman's brain.
That's not interesting to you?
No.
Not even if it's the amygdala?
She'll lose all her long-term memories.
Well, this is where you tell me that being cavalier with someone else's past has nothing to do with avoiding your own past.
The case is irrelevant, you just found it interesting.
Aren't therapists supposed to be nurturing?
Nowhere is that in the manual.
Look, you've been in therapy for a year.
You know when I ask you to talk about anything,
I mean anything that affects you.
What upset you, what made you mad, or relieved, or joyful.
You want me to believe that this case means nothing?
Then
why should I listen to it?
Are you charging me for this time?
Yes.
This is ridiculous.
What's that?
On the back of your arm?
It's just a bruise.
I fell.
You remember falling?
No. 
I was drunk.
Hence the balance issues.
It looks like you fell on the tip of someone's boot.
I said something that someone objected to.
Well, if you don't remember, then how...
It's usually the way it is when someone hits me.
People who kick when you're down are jerks, but they're generally not irrational jerks.
You got drunk enough to get into a bar fight and not remember, and you've been insisting that everything's fine?
Why go out and get blind drunk?
Were you looking for a fight?
I don't know.
What have you screwed up?
What?
You say that when you've been hit in the past, it's because you've provoked it with something that you said.
Which means you're well aware of the risks.
So, on some level, you were in that bar looking for someone to hurt you.
Logically, people punish themselves for something they did, or something they didn't do.
So, what did you screw up?
I don't know.
Okay, there may be a problem.
All right.
Let's talk about Wilson.
I told him your book was contaminated with anthrax spores.
Then I gave him $300.
The address of the buyer.
Maybe I was hasty in asking you to move out.
Why don't you stay with me and Sam for a little while?
There's no need to hurry things.
What prompted this?
Look, the whole idea was that after Mayfield, you wouldn't be on your own.
I can touch base with you a lot more easily if you're staying with me than...
For God's sake, Wilson.
You really span the chasm from wishy to washy.
If you're gonna be an ass, be an ass. 
Stick with it.
Why were you being so hard on the guy, when he was being conciliatory?
Come on, Cuddy played on his guilt.
She put him up to this.
How do you know that?
How do you know this wasn't entirely his own idea?
Two reasons.
First, he wants to create the perfect environment to be with Sam.
He's been thinking about asking me to leave for a while.
Finally, he does it, and immediately turns around and changes his mind?
No. 
He talked to somebody.
Maybe it was Sam.
HOUSE: 
Yeah, that's a possibility.
I want this to be the last serious relationship I ever have.
I want this to be the one.
Me, too.
Where's House?
It's not as meaningful without him.
Okay, not Sam.
That still doesn't answer why Cuddy.
Because they've been talking about me.
She called me to check on the patient, which she never does without a reason.
I asked why, and she said...
She's a barracuda attorney, House.
These are the kind of patients we like to keep happy.
Right now, the patient's lucky if she can spell "jurisprudence."
CUDDY: 
Yeah, but when she gets that memory back, which we're trying to make happen, she'll be able to spell "lawsuit." I'm just touching base.
"Touching base." Wilson used exactly the same phrase.
Colluding about me is their favorite pastime.
Okay, you think they talked.
How do you think that conversation went?
WILSON: 
I'm worried about House.
Me, too.
Couldn't you have waited?
It's way too early for him to be on his own, back in the old apartment.
What makes you think he can handle it?
I offered to find him a new place.
You have to let him back into your condo.
Sam and I just got him out of the condo.
You know what House is like, he's self-destructive.
(MOUTHING)
Without constant supervision, he's gonna slide back into drugs.
If you're not watching him, I've got to.
Yeah.
So they don't trust you.
They assume you'll fail.
Are these their fears or yours?
(CHUCKLING)
Let's turn on the lights. 
Hmm?
In your brain.
Maybe they did talk about you, but how do you know it didn't happen like this?
I'm worried about House.
Why?
It's the first time he'll be on his own since Mayfield.
No, you're being over-protective.
House doesn't need to be wrapped in cotton wool.
But you know that, or you wouldn't have asked him to move out.
Okay. 
I guess this is really about me.
It's just I feel like a jerk.
Sure, Sam and I are gonna wanna be on our own eventually, but I kind of sprang this on him.
The right way would've been to just tell him to take as long as he needed, that there's no hurry.
So it's not what you did, but how you did it?
That matters in a friendship.
I need to fix this.
Why don't you talk to him about moving back in?
Just touch base.
We're having a consent issue with the patient.
Wait a minute.
Taub's not here.
Yeah, he is.
We're having a consent issue with the patient.
What's Taub doing in my imaginary version of a scene with Wilson and Cuddy?
Your version needed to be ended.
Because it's crap.
It's all sweetness and light and faith that I'm gonna choose the right path.
Yeah, that sounds like Wilson.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(RAIN PATTERING)
I have as much evidence for mine as you do for yours.
I know Wilson's your friend, so he could be wondering if he did right by you.
And I know he wouldn't have asked you to move out in the first place unless he was convinced you could handle life on your own.
And I know that he and Cuddy have gone behind my back before to strategize about "the House problem."
So there's truth in both versions.
But you choose to focus on the parts that make you uncomfortable. 
So...
Why are you and Wilson friends?
Do you think this friendship is the best you can do?
Wilson is not a consolation prize.
There, you're defending him.
And a minute ago, he was skulking around in the background like some sort of manipulative lago.
He's my friend.
So what do you value in him?
I can say whatever I want to him, and he'll never leave.
He's sort of leaving.
At least, he won't be around as much.
Because he's putting Sam first.
For now.
After the divorce, he'll probably ask me to move in again.
I take the long view.
You say that to Wilson?
Are you kidding?
That's the kind of remark that leads people to hit you.
Maybe you've been right from the beginning.
(LAUGHING)
Maybe this isn't about Wilson.
You say that now that I finally agree with you?
Do you just argue the opposite of whatever I say?
I don't mean the Wilson thing doesn't bother you.
But it sounds like he's the closest you could come to a safe relationship.
You'd have to do something major to screw it up.
What else have you been involved in this week?
What would you want to punish yourself for?
I told you I don't know.
Okay, let's approach it from a different angle.
Have you gotten any other people angry at you over anything?
Well, yeah.
That's why I called it an ordinary week.
Okay. 
Tell me about it.
JAY: 
You'd be losing a part of your brain.
It is my brain.
Why is it not my right to consent?
I'm sorry, but I'll take this to court, if necessary, all right?
Sidney's in no position to make decisions about herself right now.
She doesn't even know who she is.
I read your consent form and I understood it.
I want the surgery.
JAY: 
Why wouldn't she?
Of course she's willing to risk losing her memories permanently, she has no idea how important those memories are.
Does she even know what "risk" is?
She's never lost anything!
Without the surgery, she'll lose everything.
The prion infection will continue to advance and destroy her whole brain.
There has to be another way.
Please.
I'm speaking for my wife, the wife I lived with for four years, who isn't here and can't defend herself.
Dr. House, are you listening?
Well, you can stop arguing 'cause it doesn't matter anymore.
Look at the variability in the heart rate.
The SE's spread into the brainstem.
Wherever it is, you can still cut it out.
No. 
We can't cut the brainstem.
HOUSE: 
This thing's moving too quickly.
Surgery is no longer an option.
Which, I guess, means you've won.
Congratulations.
Put in a pacer, and start her on chemo and radiation.
It won't cure her, but it'll buy a couple weeks, so she can find out who she is before she dies.
NOLAN:
That was pretty rough.
Do you always break the news to your patients that way?
Or were you shorthanding it for me?
Husband was being an idiot.
Well, he was asking for it.
But to punish him, you had to punish the wife, too.
Why did he make you so angry?
Because he didn't want to cooperate with you?
He'd rather risk his wife's life than their marriage.
People's brains stop working when they think they're gonna lose someone they love.
Your leg hurting?
It's all right.
Okay.
Anyone else you pissed off?
(LAWN MOWER WHIRRING)
Fifty bucks for the book.
Forget it.
You paid $25.
That's 100% return.
That's what I paid.
But it's a rare surgical text, nearly 100 years old, plates in mint condition.
That book's worth several thousand dollars.
$2,000.
I'll write you a check.
Nice try.
Face it. 
I had the wit to recognize something valuable when I saw it.
In the great Darwinian race, I get my just reward, you become roadkill.
Yo, House, you wanna stop by the library?
'Cause I got a book to return.
(EXCLAIMS)
(RAPPING) Old professor tried to hoard/hog
You can't stop Alvie with no guard-ass dog
Anyone see you?
So what's the plan? 
You wish to, what?
Become a bishop one day?
No, no. 
No, no, no,
That would work against everything I believe in.
Which is?
Purifying, sanctifying God's community on Earth.
So becoming Prior of Kingsbridge would satisfy your ambition?
Well, be direct, Philip.
As the Bishop's representative, I can sway the election.
If that's what you want from me, say so.
-Yes.
-Good, good.
But politics is a bargain between beggars.
When the Bishop dies here, the monks here elect the new one,
So if you make me prior,
I, when the time comes, make you bishop?
You knew I would have made the same promise.
You owe me this, Father,
I don't like being told I owe anybody anything.
But since we're being blunt,
Philip is the better man for the job.
He's one of those rare priests who actually believes what he preaches.
I admire that,
Besides, you owe me, Remigius, remember?
Sodomy!
An ex-communicable offense,
And as your confessor, I hold your eternal salvation behind sealed lips.
Here's what I want you to do.
Philip is idealistic, which is generally commendable, but occasionally awkward.
You will be my eyes and ears and tell me everything.
On this day, as harvest ends and winter approaches, there's reason to celebrate, as well as mourn.
Philip of Gwynedd has been elected our new Prior of Kingsbridge, to replace the late Prior James.
May St. Adolphus, whose relic sanctifies this church, help guide him.
At the same time, sadness descends.
Our good bishop, who led his flock for so long, died quite suddenly while saying mass Saturday last.
The monks will now choose a successor.
And Prior Philip, with God's help, will show them the way.
Such a shame about William and Aliena,
What man thinks best, God knows better.
Your patience has paid off, Lord Bishop.
I'm not bishop yet.
We're still waiting for our title.
You gave us your word!
Did I?
I fear you misremember, Percy, but not to worry,
I have interesting news for you.
Bartholomew has sided with Maud against King Stephen.
Bartholomewf's turned traitor?
You may win that title yet.
Excellent! 
We'll arrest Bartholomew, and the King will give us Shiring.
Who needs a wife when you can have a title without her.
Do shut up, Father.
And Bartholomew will embrace the King, deny the plot, and you shall be hanged as a thief.
I hadn't thought of that.
Once again he's setting us up to test the waters, Percy.
If we sink in the mud, he stays immaculate.
-So what do we do then?
-Well, we must first End proof.
We'll follow anyone suspicious leaving the castle and encourage them to talk.
With whose money?
My dear, you don't need money to loosen tongues.
Do you, William?
Quick as you can!
Take them inside!
-Are you Mathew?
-Yes.
The sentry told me to ind you.
I'm a mason. 
These are my apprentices.
-We come looking for work.
-I'm sorry.
I could help repair the castle.
I could work at the quarry.
We don't need any quarrymen. 
Thank you.
I hope you're not planning on doing battle soon.
Why do you say that?
All the mortar on your keep gate is crumbling,
It'd just take a crowbar to bring that down.
A keep has an undercroft with a wooden door.
If I were attacking, I'd just set light to that.
And if you were earl, how would you prevent it?
Well, I'd hire a mason,
I'd have him standing by with stones to block up that doorway in case of trouble.
Hire this man!
See that he's housed and fed,
Where's my sword?
Come on, quickly now!
-Yeah?
-A message for you from the Earl of Gloucester and the Princess, sire.
He will take my answer back to Maud.
-Here, take it. it's all I have.
-It's not money we want.
This man has confessed that Bartholomew,
Earl of Shiring, is conspiring with Robert of Gloucester and Princess Maud to raise arms against the King.
Maud is going to France to gather troops.
We must defend the King!
We will loot Shiring Castle, slaughter the men, and show the women what true soldiers are capable of!
Saddle my horse and bring me an escort, I'm going to the King.
Now this gate is gonna need an arch to make it stronger.
What an arch does, it distributes the weight evenly into two supports, and then down into the ground.
You understand?
Never mind, What I'm gonna need from the quarry is stones to match these ones already in place.
So knock out the loose ones.
If they're whole, just re-mortar them.
If they're cracked, leave them in piles every 10 feet or so. 
All right?
You heard what he said! 
Let's get to work!
He's witched you, that's all.
-Just like his ma.
-Don't be a bloody fool.
Alienal
-Who is that?
-The Earl's daughter.
I met her last night after supper.
Her mother's dead, too.
Hello, Martha. 
You're up early.
Da makes me work. 
Alfred, too,
-He's my brother, 
-Hello.
Hello,
-My lady, an honor.
-Thank you.
And this is?
That's Jack. 
He doesn't talk much.
But look, he made a likeness of me.
It's remarkable,
Your brothers quite gifted.
Oh, he's not my brother,
Jack's a bastard.
Lunch, everyone!
He's a gifted bastard.
Come to court again, Lord William?
As a matter of fact I have.
Only this time, I'm courting you.
Oh, here you are,
Are you coming?
Jack! 
Quick!
We are under attack!
Your Majesty!
Your Majesty!
I have urgent news.
Get inside, everyone!
They must be somewhere.
Alienal
Percy!
Get up!
Da!
No!
Surrender, traitor!
I'd rather die for Maud.
Then so will every man, woman and child in this keep!
Halt! 
Halt! 
Hear me out!
Hall! 
Hall!
Stop the fighting, in Lord Percy's name!
Spare my people.
Stephen knows you covet my title.
He may, therefore, doubt my guilt.
If you spare my people,
I will confess guilt 10 his face.
Thank you, Earl of Shiring,
Maud's fleeing to France along with her precious son.
Stop them! 
Bring them here.
I want that child dead at my feet!
The ship's ready to sail, Your Majesty.
The messenger from Bartholomew should have returned by now.
We can't wait longer, Sister,
We must sail to France where your son will be safe.
-Da!
-It's no use calling, I saw him fall.
It'll take more than that to kill me.
Da!
-Had you scared, did I?
-Tom!
We have to leave here as quick as we can.
One of the workers said there's a new prior at Kingsbridge
New priors have work.
The Kingsbridge prior's dead?
-So they say, 
-Good.
May the Devil take his soul.
-You knew him?
-Yes, I met him once. 
Come,
Don't fuss,
You're getting soppy, are you, lad?
Where do you want this then?
- Lay that down here.
- All right.
Steady, Brother Paul.
Afternoon, Brother.
- I'm looking for the new prior.
- In the church.
Don't be long.
I don't want to stay if there's no work.
What's that?
St. Adolphus. 
It's his cathedral.
Is that his real head?
The Romans cut it off, threw it in the river.
His headless body pulled it out and carried it here.
Forgive him, Father. 
He's...
He's just a curious lad.
Which should be encouraged in the young.
How can I help you?
I'm Tom Builder. 
This is my son, Alfred.
- We'd like to repairy our church.
- Well, I'm Prior Philip.
And I want it repaired, but I can't hire you.
We haven't a shilling.
Sorry.
Martha!
You!
Get away from me!
That man nearly killed my daughter!
No!
I saw him that night.
What night? 
What are you talking about?
The night that your woman died.
He took it.
He took what?
Please, I won't hurt him. 
I promise.
I'm no good to you, am I?
I'm no good to anyone.
He's better off here than he is with me, but I don't want to leave.
I left him once before. 
I can't do that again.
- You have little choice.
- I know that. 
You think I don't know that?
I'm useless. 
I can't support my family.
I can't stay with my son.
Why can't God give me work just this once?
My God!
There's a fire in the roof!
How could this happen?
What do we do?
St. Adolphus, save your church!
The roof's afire!
- God save us!
- What do we do?
Hurry, hurry!
Quick, quick! 
The chalices and the vesper!
Quick!
Quick!
Philip! 
Philip! 
Come out!
No, the relic! 
I must save the relic.
Philip!
Philip!
St. Adolphus, save your blessed church!
This is the Devil's work.
Jack!
What happened?
We can stay now.
At least no one died.
I prayed for this last night.
God help me.
It was lightning.
Without a storm?
All my life I've waited for work like this.
Now it's here, they can't afford to pay me.
We could work for free.
They give us food and lodging, you could stay with your little boy.
It's gone, smashed.
We're finished.
You can't rebuild a cathedral without its relic.
A skull's a skull, Philip.
- We don't even know it was his.
- What about the miracles?
I've been praying to that skull for years to save my poor sister from the street.
- Useless.
- It does take belief, too.
Yes, but what if people believe another skull is his?
One from the ossuary. 
There's thousands.
And who's to say the monk whose head we choose isn't a saint?
Because that would be a lie!
Not a lie, a leavening, a means to an end.
And the end is God's glory.
Well, at least the crypt was spared.
You can use it for services, can't you?
Until the new church is roofed.
What makes you think there'll even be a new church?
Because I will build it.
You house us, you feed us, and I will defer payment.
This may be the Devil's work, but it was God that sent you a master builder.
My dear Bishop.
Undoubtedly, you have heard of our misfortune.
But God has blessed us with a rough-handed angel to help us through this crisis.
Tom Builder is his name, and he is determined to give us a new cathedral.
There is much work to be done and workmen to be hired, and, of course, this brings up the question of money.
I don't wish to burden you as you begin your office, but perhaps, with your permission, I could approach our new king and ask his favor in this trying time.
The plans for the expansion of the palace, Your Eminence.
We're repairing all of the old buildings, as well as the chapel, of course.
And we're adding an entire new wing over here.
Did you scratch it?
Yeah.
You shouldn't wear it picking up heavy rocks.
Is it worth a lot of money?
Hey, Jack, give it here.
I'll put it in a safe place.
Jack...
May I speak to you for a moment?
I want you to make a statue of St. Adolphus.
Me?
I've never worked in stone.
That's not true.
I saw the carvings you did in the walls of the cave.
I think you'll manage.
- I wouldn't know where to start.
- Take your time.
Experiment.
Listen.
- To what?
- To the stone.
You're a distraction, you are.
I've seen the monks watching you while they work.
They don't know what to make of you.
Oh, I think they do, Tom Builder.
Are you jealous?
No, I'm not jealous.
We'll have a wooden ceiling, like the old church.
I'd prefer it in stone, but it's far too heavy.
Also, it's hard to find long pieces of timber, so the nave will have to be only 32-feet wide.
But it'll be high. 
It'll be very high.
How will the walls support the weight?
Well, have a look at this.
Pointed arches?
I've never seen such a thing.
It'll bear the weight better.
Which, along with the buttresses, will allow the windows to be tall.
Tall enough to let in the light.
A cathedral...
It's God's anteroom.
It's halfway to Heaven.
And the light...
The light is everything.
How long will this take?
It depends how many people you employ.
But if you were to hire 30 masons with enough laborers, carpenters and smiths to service them, that's 15 years.
- Have you done this before?
- No.
- How do you know it'll work?
- It'll work.
What do you think?
I think it's extraordinary.
It's from Bishop Waleran, Prior.
He wants me to meet him at Shiring Castle on my way to see the King.
I don't know why.
I shouldn't be long, Remigius, but until I return, as subprior, you're in charge.
Safe journeys.
Where's my ring?
Jack! 
Jack!
I hung it around my neck, and you stole it in the night!
Why should you care?
You said it was worthless!
Calm down!
You said he took your ring.
How do you know?
Maybe it fell off during the night.
I looked everywhere.
- What's wrong?
- He took my ring!
I don't want his bloody ring!
Where is it? 
Look at me, boy!
You can't witch me!
You killed my ma and you stole my da, but you can't work your charms on me!
Is anybody here?
- Who are you?
- Philip, Prior of Kingsbridge.
What is your business here?
I've come to see the Bishop, on my way to the King.
Let him go, Matthew.
I'm Aliena, daughter of the Earl.
I saw you at the harvest service.
My lady.
And I'm Richard, his son and heir.
Welcome to Shiring Castle.
Does anyone know you're here?
Why should they?
Have you seen our father?
I hear he's in Winchester, in prison.
He's not a traitor, you know.
He loves his kingdom as much as anyone.
Once I learn who libeled him,
I'll have the sheriff give the brute a public hanging.
How did you escape, my lady?
Show him, Richard.
It's a secret passage.
Would you like to see it?
No, thank you.
- You're going to see the King, you said?
- Yes.
Then you must demand our father's release.
Tell him to give us back our castle.
I don't think that will be possible, my lady.
- Hello, Philip.
- Good morning, My Lord Bishop.
You really want to rebuild your church?
Yes, Father, I do.
The cathedral is God's shadow over history, Father.
We...
We live in a world that is striving for order, which is art, which is learning, which is people creating something that will bring God's heart into their community, that will survive wars and famine, that will survive history.
I thought I was ambitious.
- Father, I only want...
- Philip, Philip, Philip!
Look around you.
This is the smallest earldom in the kingdom, but it has a huge quarry which produces first-class limestone, and its forests, good timber.
If you had this land, you could rebuild your church.
Why would the King give me land instead of money?
You unmasked the traitor.
Bartholomew confessed.
Maud and Gloucester ran away to France.
Stephen owes you his crown.
Think about it.
Why did Waleran meet the Prior of Kingsbridge in Shiring Castle?
It's our land, isn't it?
He should have asked permission.
Why do you say it's our land?
You're not earl yet.
It's a mere formality.
The King will give me the title within the month.
He owes it to me.
Well then, I think we should remind the King of what he owes.
And I think we should do it soon.
She is a witch.
I saw her.
Doing what? 
Say it.
Making a potion out of dead frogs.
She gave it to my ma and it killed her.
Then she bewitched my da and made love to him on my mother's grave.
You swear to that? 
On your soul?
Yes.
Brothers, the boy speaks true.
I knew this woman years ago, when I first came here.
She was condemned for witchcraft and a price put on her head.
She disappeared with her son, and the people said the Devil had taken them home.
It was she who started the fire.
She must burn.
Leave the talking to me, Philip.
And if the King does ask you a question, answer plainly.
Whatever you do, don't beg.
Make room!
Here comes the traitor, Bartholomew!
- Hey! 
Shame on you!
- Traitor!
What the devil are they doing here?
Shame on you!
Yeah! 
String him up!
My Lord Bishop.
It's been a long time since our paths crossed.
Welcome to Winchester.
Who's this?
Philip, Prior of Kingsbridge, Your Majesty.
You seem worried.
Why?
I don't have a clean robe to wear.
Well, I like a monk to look like a monk.
I heard about your fire.
How soon will you rebuild?
As soon as I find the money, sire.
I hope you haven't come to beg for it.
We're paupers here.
I think I have found a way to rebuild without further diminishing your coffers, Your Majesty.
Give Shiring and all its land to the diocese of Kingsbridge, and we will give you a new church.
What a clever idea.
Unfortunately, I gave Shiring to Percy Hamleigh less than an hour ago.
Well, it's not official.
Well, not yet.
Present a strong argument for your case, and I might reconsider.
We could rename the church after a saint of your choosing, Your Majesty.
St. Stephen, perhaps?
Or St. Elmo, the patron saint of sailors lost at sea.
Come back tomorrow.
You'll have my answer then.
You're working hard.
I thought you might be thirsty, Tom Builder.
Thank you.
What are they staring at?
Their turn to be jealous.
You need to send her away.
What's that?
Remigius says she's a witch.
He sent a letter to the Bishop last night.
Why'd he do that for? 
It's just gossip.
It's worse than gossip.
It's malicious and it's dangerous!
He has a witness.
His Majesty will now see Lord Harefield and the Bishop of Lancaster.
Your Eminence, I'm told you're seeking an emissary to Rome.
I would be happy to volunteer.
You are too new to the post, my good Bishop.
Rome demands a more experienced politician.
Perhaps a visit to my palace would convince you.
I have worked changes to the diocese.
It's hardly a palace, when I visited years ago.
More like a ruin with a roof.
Excuse me.
Not a ruin for long.
How could you be so stupid?
Waleran is using you and your burned down church to get the earldom for himself.
- That's a lie.
- Is it?
Then why did he tell the King to give Shiring to the diocese of Kingsbridge and not the priory?
It was a slip of the tongue.
Besides, he only means...
What it means is that he will control the purse strings.
And believe me, monk, a church is not where he wants to spend his gold.
He's hired this man to triple the size of his palace.
Show him.
He'll need Shiring's forests and quarry to fulfill this design.
Your good Bishop doesn't care a whit for your precious cathedral.
Thank you, master builder.
William.
Side with us, monk.
We will make a generous contribution to your building fund.
No.
We go to the King instead and divide the earldom equally, with you getting the better half.
What do you mean?
Which is more valuable, arable land or forest?
- Arable land.
- Then I'll have the forest.
I need the forest to hunt.
You can hunt there, but I want the timber.
And which would you prefer?
The income from the markets or the quarry?
What if I said the quarry?
You won't, though, will you?
And when Waleran objects?
If he's told the King that he needs Shiring to finance the cathedral, how can he object on the grounds that he wants to build his new castle instead?
You're a keener politician than I gave you credit for.
Politics is a bargain between beggars, my lady.
And I have... 
I have one other request.
I must have protection for the lady Aliena and her brother Richard.
You've seen them?
They're hiding in the castle, starving and penniless.
They need to be taken care of.
But of course.
We'll see to that.
Your Eminence.
Beloved Lord Bishop, we have a witch among us.
A woman, as you know, long wanted in these parts.
A witness has come forward.
Why did you say that?
Answer me! 
Why'd you say that?
She's been good to me, that woman!
Better than I deserve.
Don't make me choose between you, boy.
Brother Remigius has been claiming you're a witch.
He's got Alfred here to give proof to the lie.
It's not a lie.
Not entirely.
See that this woman is arrested immediately and that she speaks to no one.
Jack's father had a secret.
Something to do with the ring he had.
He wouldn't tell me what it was.
He wanted to see the King, to tell him what he knew.
But I was only a naive novice.
How could I help?
I hid him in a barn on our convent property, where he asked me for a quill, paper, sealing wax and ink.
I then went to my priest confessor.
I found him on the beach, Father.
He needs your help, your support.
He has a secret he will tell no one but the King.
The next day, he was taken from the barn and accused of stealing the Kingsbridge Priory's chalice.
He was tortured, confessed,
and his tongue was cut out.
He was held for nearly three years before he was brought to trial.
The prior whose chalice was stolen testified against him.
The Lord of the District served as his judge, and my priest confessor passed sentence.
Then, a remarkable thing happened.
I curse you, all three of you!
- Stay back!
- Touch me and you'll be dead by morning.
Your church, dear Prior, shall burn to the ground.
Your children, My Lord, shall die on the gallows.
And you, good Father, the confessor whom I trusted, you shall one day climb very high,
only to fall.
...only to fall.
What was the secret they didn't want him to tell?
I never learned.
I found his ring, the one Jack wore, until it was stolen, but no paper.
So, yes, I'm a wanted woman, Tom.
I'll leave in the morning. 
No argument.
You're staying here.
And you are staying with them.
I've made the decision.
My loyal subject, Percy Hamleigh, today becomes the Earl of Shiring.
He shall have the castle and all arable lands and low-lying pastures.
All other farmlands, I give to the Priory of Kingsbridge for the building of the new cathedral.
- And the quarry?
- Belongs to the Hamleighs.
But you may take what stones you need.
- But... 
But that's not...
- Enough.
My decision stands.
You'll pay for this, Philip.
I don't take kindly to priests who steal.
And God doesn't take kindly to bishops who lie.
I swear by all that's holy, you'll never build your church.
Open the gates, in the Bishop's name!
I'll show you where the witch is. 
Follow me.
No! 
No!
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine...
Allie?
I'm over here!
Allie!
No!
No! 
No!
No, please! 
Don't hurt her!
Let me go!
Lie still or the boy dies.
Cut off his ear, Walter!
No!
You see, bitch?
I'm a better man than you deserve.
Get away from the horse!
Fucking bitch! 
Come here.
Looks like it's your lucky night.
Look what you've done to me!
Kill him.
- You fucking bitch!
- Shut him up.
How?
I don't know how. 
Just cut off his head.
Kill him before anyone can hear.
Allie, please.
You have to do this, Richard.
Don't!
Where is the woman?
Locked away, Your Eminence.
As you wished.
Good. 
Prepare for a trial this evening.
But we don't have a witness anymore.
The boy will not testify.
I'll be the witness.
I want this thing ended quickly.
A woman in a monastery is like a mare in heat.
Even a gelding would misbehave in her presence.
Monks may be celibate, but they can still smell cunt.
- Halt, woman!
- You, too, boy.
Richard, listen to me.
You mustn't tell Father what happened.
I'll tell the King then.
He'll have both their heads.
No. 
You mustn't tell anyone, ever.
Aliena?
Father.
Philip, the Bishop is here.
- And Ellen has been arrested.
- Yes. 
I received word on the way.
- Where is she?
- In one of the basement cells.
- They won't let anyone see her except...
- Where is Tom?
In his work shed.
Waleran has us building a pyre.
We've come to see the King, to ask if he will grant mercy.
He will do nothing for me.
Listen,
I hid 50 gold coins in a belt under my shirt.
They're being held for you in safekeeping by a priest who heard my confession.
We can use it to buy your freedom.
My freedom is not for sale.
Well, is it true? 
Is she a witch?
No.
I swear by all that's holy.
She's not the mother of your children, though, is she?
No.
Are you living in sin?
You can't burn her for that.
If I save her, you must marry her...
- I will.
...and bring her back to the Church.
That's her decision. 
It's not mine.
It's God's will. 
It's my condition.
Whatever. 
Whatever you say.
Beware of the witch, Brother.
I ain't supposed to talk to you.
But Prior Philip told me to let you hold the baby one last time.
Be careful of his bottom, though.
He's carrying a bit of a load.
This woman here stands accused of consorting with the Devil.
The Bishop himself bears witness against her.
Do you want to say anything before we pass sentence?
- Such witchcraft!
- She's the Devil!
Avert your eyes from the witch.
Piss on you, Lord Bishop!
Don't touch her!
Let the Devil pass out of here.
Your Eminence!
There she is!
Was she a virgin?
Oh, yes.
And did she struggle?
Frightfully.
And you showed her what a fine young man you are down there, didn't you?
Father, just as Maud and Gloucester are raising an army to reclaim the throne, so too will I claim back what is mine, what is ours.
I swear by Jesus Christ and all His saints that I will not rest until Richard is the Earl of Shiring and lord of the land that you once ruled.
Do I have your blessing in this?
Always and forever.
I swear, no matter where your affections fly, you shall always rule my heart,
sweet William.
We've begun.

[crash and explosion] [screaming]
Hey, I'm glad you're not dead, butthead.
Me too.
I'm gonna have to put you into hypothermia, okay?
What?
It's gonna help stop the swelling
Of your spinal cord till we get you to the hospital.
How the hell do you even know
About hypothermic treatment anyway?
I read it in a medical journal, okay
How is he?
If he walks again, it's because of you.
That bastard stole my helicopter.
And when we find him, I'm gonna mess him up--
And we are gonna find him.
Hey, partner.
Do you have to say that every day?
Yep.
Glenn, I need gauze.
[shudders]
Glenn?
I'll see if I can't put him with somebody else.
Actually I was coming by to say,
"can I keep him?" - why?
Turns out I've got a big heart.
All right, airway is clear.
Iv is in.
Give me ten millis of morphine.
Okay. 
Dude, what are you doing, man?
What do you mean, "what I'm--"
This captain thing, going right to your head.
I don't like it.
Doesn't look good on you.
- I'm muting you.
- [mouthing silently]
You're seeing someone, aren't you?
Just drop it, okay?
Okay, I won't eat the hot dog from the cart
At 2:00 a.M.
Krystal, you ever had one?
I'm a vegan.
How can you be a vegan and a total drunk?
I'm not a total drunk.
- Come on.
- You totally would.
There's meat and there's satan food.
And your body's a temple, right?
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, you know it.
[screaming] [tires squealing] [crash]
Medic 78, medic 114, bay ridge on ramp two
For a single-vehicle accident.
Rescue's behind you.
You'll be okay.
Help's on the way.
24, go ahead.
[sobbing] no. 
Oh!
Okay, I got it from here.
Thank you.
Help me.
Yep, that's what I'm here for.
Okay, please just try to relax.
We'll try and get someone to get you out of here.
Her leg's pinned. 
Grab c-spine.
Yeah, I got it.
[siren wails]
Help!
I'm here, I'm here.
Okay, does anything hurt?
Can you tell me?
Sir? 
Sir, can you hear me? 
Sir?
Can you hear me, sir? 
Does it hurt anywhere?
What do we got?
- The driver's drt.
- "dead right there."
Passenger is trapped.
The girl back here in the back seat
Is fine, but she needs a neck brace
And the guy needs your help real fast.
I'm here! 
I'm here! 
- Hey, nance.
We can't wait on fire rescue.
Got to wait for fire rescue.
Rabbit ain't gonna wait for fire rescue.
Damn right I'm not.
Hey, tyler, boone, you got the back seat there?
Got it.
Hey, hey, hey! 
Grab her.
Hey, hey, listen.
Hey, boone, head injury?
No, I think it's shock.
Okay, listen to me.
You were in a car accident.
I think you're okay, but we need to get you
To the hospital to make sure, all right?
You got his legs? 
All right.
One, two, three. 
- Straight ahead.
Please try and not move your neck, okay?
Just breathe deep.
Okay.
We need to get the board in here.
Hey, nance, I think I got a crushed larynx here, okay?
I got to get an airway now.
Bag him until you get him out of the car
And then you intubate.
Yes, ma'am. 
All right, hold on.
Rescue 11, where are you?
Dispatch got the address crossed.
We're still ten minutes.
Okay, we're extricating without you, okay?
Big surprise there.
Go with god, rabbit.
Stand back. 
Her leg's stuck.
[grunts]
All right, on my count.
One, two, three.
Okay, can you wiggle your toes?
Can you feel them? 
- No, I can't feel my toes!
Okay, don't panic.
Don't panic. 
That's just fine.
Rabbit, get her on a line.
Yeah?
- Push some saline-- - bolus.
- Exactly.
- Okay, what are you thinking?
Crush syndrome?
I want to be prepared.
What's crush syndrome?
What is that?
That's--if something's got crushed
And its load comes off,
Your system suddenly gets flooded with potassium,
Myoglobin, phosphorous,
And that could shut down your kidneys,
Your heart, all sorts of things,
And we're being a little cautious.
Okay, all right, that's good.
Get that board under there.
I got it.
Let's get that under there.
Hang in there, buddy.
There we go. 
There we go.
Okay, deep breath.
- This is gonna hurt.
- That's it. 
Good girl.
- Ow!
- I know. 
I know.
You're doing just great.
Okay, short, sharp breaths, okay?
You want to hyperventilate.
You want your system to get alkaline.
Right now, you're all acidic.
Get some of that in your system.
How's that leg coming?
- It's looking good.
- Ow!
What's she doing?
What is she doing?
No, danny! 
No!
- Baby, please.
- [screaming]
You've got to try and stay calm.
Keep your neck straight.
You've lost a lot of blood.
- Okay, you need to calm down.
- Please calm down.
Breathe out. 
Breathe out.
Keep breathing. 
Breathe out.
That's good.
That's it. 
That's it. 
- Great.
Okay. 
- Great. 
Great.
That's better.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- You got it?
- We're ready to load.
Let's load to go!
We're loading him now.
We should be about three minutes away.
How you doing, rabbit?
Hey.
[groans and sighs]
Why don't you go home?
Why?
It's not like I'm gonna sleep.
Yeah, I hear you.
Hey, 11 calls in 10 hours.
That was a crazy day, man.
That's right.
[bangs hand on table]
Have a seat, my friend. 
- Mm-mm.
Sela and the kids are in bed.
They're sleeping.
What are you gonna do?
I'm in.
There is something seriously wrong with us.
You know that?
- Yeah, there is.
- Oh, no.
Uh-uh. 
Not tonight.
Why don't you come here and go where the love is?
Hey, what's up, man?
Think I hate my job.
You're too new to hate your job.
Next time I hear someone say that,
I'm just gonna punch 'em.
You're too new to hate your job.
I'm too tired to punch you.
Hey, hey, hey.
- Hey.
- [groans]
Hey. 
- Hey.
You okay, rabbit?
Yeah, great. 
Awesome.
Couldn't be better.
So got a game going, huh?
Yeah.
Oh, man.
All right, who wants to make some overtime?
You're kidding me.
I'm way short on the graveyard shift.
I'll take anybody I can get.
Look, this is totally voluntary.
Oh, boy.
Mm, come on.
Hey, nance, do you want to drive?
- Let's go save-- - thanks, guys.
You got it.
That's what I'm talking about.
San francisco's finest.
All right.
Hey.
Here, let me see your eyes.
We're gonna get caught.
Don't worry.
My parents are out all night.
Is this how you want people to find out about us?
Nope.
[chuckles] oh, my god.
I want a better visual than that.
Mmm, baby.
[giggles] [grunts]
Hey, can I stash my lunch in your fridge?
- Sure.
- Cool. 
Thanks.
Rabbit eats anything I put in ours.
I swear it's like flying with a goat.
That is both hurtful and untrue.
How did you get in here?
Same way I swipe your lunch.
Basra wants us in the gym.
What?
I'm not leaving my lunch alone with you.
Okay.
Jeez.
Shut the door.
Look... [sighs]
I'm going in for a stress test today.
They're gonna put me on a treadmill
And get an ultrasound of my heart.
You gonna be okay?
The doctor's not really sure.
That's why I'm going in.
Okay, well, I can take care of the desk if you need me.
Okay.
Let's keep this between us, okay?
Yeah.
Thanks.
Whoo!
What's with all the happiness?
[chuckles] I'm high on life.
Ain't it nice?
Actually it's kind of creeping me out.
You're broken inside. 
That's sad.
No, I just want to make sure this isn't some manic stage
Before you shave your head and start shooting at planes.
Not today.
Why are you so happy?
[hums softly]
You're really not gonna tell me?
Nope.
Is it a girl?
Two girls?
Cheerleading squad?
Even better.
Swedish volleyball team?
Hey, denny. 
Have a good weekend?
Drank too much. 
Ate too much.
Spent too much.
You? 
- Oh, you know me.
Got drunk.
Woke up in a stranger's bed, staggered home,
Husband and kids wondering where I was.
You volunteered at the soup kitchen, didn't you?
What gavme away,
The imaginary husband and kids?
I appreciate the effort not to make me look bad.
[chuckles] don't mention it.
You should come with me sometime.
Economy get any worse, you'll be serving me.
Oh!
Lj!
Medic 114, respond.
31-year-old female... [siren]
Hey, one of my workers is down here.
She's unresponsive.
What's her name?
Laura jean.
Hey, we were waiting for you to get here before we moved her.
- Is she conscious?
- Barely.
You're the medic, right?
Yeah, um, but glenn will go down.
Glenn will come and help you out.
Really? 
Can I?
- Okay, but listen.
- Yeah.
- You look her over carefully.
- Uh-huh.
You tell me exactly what you see.
You know enough.
You can be my eyes.
I don't know about that.
I'll do my best.
All right, miss, can you tell me your name?
Laura jean.
Laura jean?
I got a weak pulse.
Can you tell me if this hurts?
It stings.
More of a sting or a tingling?
I don't know. 
Both?
Can you feel that?
Does that hurt?
Is that my foot?
Okay.
Hey, nancy, I'm gonna need you down here.
You got a firefighter down there.
He can board her and bring her up.
No, I need you.
Well, what's going on?
Severe back pain, numbness, tingling in extremities.
Crap, do not let her move a millimeter.
Wait, is she gonna be all right?
It's a pretty bad fall, but we will do our best.
Hey, hurry up.
I'm trying.
You all right?
Uh, not really.
I'm really bad with small spaces.
Okay.
Possible tenderness on palpations.
Could be a burst fracture.
I know.
Two broken ribs.
Possible fracture of the left tibia
And right fibula.
Put her on a pulse.
Let's start an I.V.
Send down a line and stokes basket.
- Copy. 
On its way.
- Wait!
You cannot send her up this way.
- Why not?
- Look.
You take her vertical, you're gonna paralyze her
Or kill her.
So how do we get her out of here?
Hey, guys, what's going on?
Look, this is a burst fracture.
The compression could send bone fragments
Into her spinal cord.
We need somewhere that's bigger,
That's wider, that I can take her out horizontally.
Yeah, look, we need a larger opening.
Okay, we'll check on that.
You sure we can't just hoist her up?
Sure? 
No.
Believe me, I wish it were different.
The iron nancy carnahan has a flaw.
Claustrophobia.
Excuse me, do you have a pen I could borrow?
No, I don't.
Maybe you should have filled that out earlier?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
My head's a little off today.
It's a nice pen.
Just hurry up, okay?
The teller's ready for you.
Yeah.
Done. 
Thanks.
Look, all I want is the money.
No dye packs and don't push any buttons.
Get on the ground!
Get on the ground now!
Drop the cell phone now!
Get on the ground!
Get on the ground!
You, out from behind the desk! 
Let's go!
Put the hundreds in the bag and I'm gone, all right?
Okay.
Hands behind your head!
Put your hands behind your head now!
You be quiet and you be calm.
You do something stupid and I swear to god,
I will shoot you right in the head.
Shut up! 
I don't want to hear it!
How do we know you won't kill us all anyway?
You see, that's kind of the point.
You don't.
[grunts]
Back the hell up!
Back the hell up!
[grunts]
What are you doing?
Stay down!
Baby, are you okay?
Yeah, shoot him.
- No.
- Shoot him.
It just got a little worse after the accident.
Being trapped in the rig for an hour
Kind of flipped me out.
Hey, nancy, listen to me.
You'll be okay.
All right, but I can't say the same about her.
Vitals and repeat neuro exam are unchanged.
No deterioration, but she's in a lot of pain.
Well, push morphine, four milligrams, slow I.V.P.
Narcotics are all you.
I looked at some schematics.
Do you see a tunnel to your left?
Yeah.
Yeah, roger that.
That leads to an air duct.
It's part of the bart system.
You get to that, there's an opening to the street.
How big?
About eight by eight.
- How far?
- Not far.
1,000 yards.
All right then.
Oh, sorry!
- Jeez.
- Hey!
Uh, sorry, leo. 
Emergency.
Whew!
Hey, is that today's paper?
Yeah.
Awesome.
What the hell, rabbit?
I told you, it's an emergency.
Come on, man!
You went back to get a lawn chair?
Rabbit, we're late.
Yeah, well, I get the crossword and the cartoons.
We're going to a bank robbery, not jury duty.
Correction.
We're going on standby of a bank robbery.
Now last time I got called to do standby,
We held the wall for about ten hours
Before the guy finally surrendered peacefully.
Control, this is angel rescue two
En route to bayside mutual.
We're five minutes out, over.
Copy, angel rescue.
[siren]
Now, now!
You got that? 
- Yep.
- Rabbit.
- Hey, captain.
Feds here yet? 
- On their way.
Anything I can do to help?
Let's hope not.
See? 
Nothing's happening.
Feds ain't even here yet.
There's a good spot.
So really?
We just sit here and wait?
That's right.
And the emergency chair.
Paper.
All right, well, in that case,
I guess give me the house section.
- Oh.
- Hey, guys.
- They start negotiating yet?
- No.
- You know how many hostages?
- No.
- Hey, you got the sports page?
- No.
Well, what do you have?
What is this?
Rabbit, lose the damn chair.
Yes, captain.
[phone rings]
Don't answer that.
No, no. 
Don't. 
Don't.
Oh, god, you're bleeding. 
Oh, god.
[phone rings] hello?
I need you to send in a medic.
Hey, just try not to sweat it, all right?
You're in a stupid sewer tunnel
With your stupid probie partner.
That's what I keep trying to tell myself.
Yeah, how's that working?
Not so great.
I'm special agent reynolds.
Let's go.
One of you has worked a hostage situation before, right?
Well, if you call sitting around waiting "working."
Great. 
You're in. 
You're not.
Hey, what?
I need an extra pair of hands.
You'll have it.
Special agent rader will be going in with you
As a paramedic.
You go in there, keep your head down,
Do your job, and let agent rader do his.
Now get the hell in there.
Okay.
Get your dress on.
How you doing?
Mind if I check out your helicopter?
Why?
I don't know.
Spent a full-on day chasing it around the city.
I want to see what's so cool about it.
Check out its guts.
Yeah, knock yourself out.
Yeah?
Whoo-hoo. 
Ahh, cool!
Got an infusion pump.
You got handheld blood analyzers.
How do you even get all this stuff?
Okay, you know what, tyler?
Please, okay?
Oh, ho-ho!
This is what I'm talking about.
Oh.
- Breaker, breaker.
- Okay.
Yeah, no, no, no. 
Yeah.
No, no, no touching.
No, I'm not touching.
I'm just looking.
Yeah, well, look with your eyes.
I was looking with my eyes.
What do you-- - no.
No, no, no, no. 
See?
You were looking with your hands,
And us grown-ups, we call that touching.
Okay, no, all right. 
I get it.
I'm 800 hours into my paramedic training, okay?
Don't patronize me. 
- Okay, fine.
I know you look with your eyes
And you touch with your hands.
Well, thank you.
Now you can get out.
Good day. 
Thank you.
That's fine.
All right.
I'm not touching anything.
I saw that.
Throw the bags down and put your hands on your head.
We're here to help!
Yeah, and I'm here to get out alive.
Now put your hands on your head.
Check the bags, babe.
Check the bags.
Yeah.
- All right, good.
- What am I looking for?
Guns, knives, anything weird.
What's that?
That's a scalpel.
I'm gonna need that.
Look, do you want me to check out that wound?
Hold on to that.
I just want to take a look, okay?
The pen's right on top of your lung there.
You're probably finding it hard to breathe.
Okay? 
- They clean?
This one's good.
All right, so try not to move too much, okay?
I'm just taking a look.
Just take a quick crack at this.
Ooh. 
That is a good one.
Ooh. 
Ooh, that's good.
I'm gonna take your pulse now, okay?
Try not to move.
- What are you looking at?
- Nothing.
No, no, no, you're looking all around the bank.
He's over here helping me.
You're over there looking at them.
What's going on?
Just making sure everyone's okay.
- Are you cops?
- No, no.
Hey, hey, you got to calm down, sir.
I'm serious.
You keep moving around like that--
You've lost blood.
You're getting dizzy.
If you just sit down, it'll get better.
You keep moving around, it's gonna get worse.
That'd be good for you, wouldn't it?
Come on.
People dying on me is never good.
They're lying, christine.
They're cops. 
It's a setup.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
Hold on. 
Hold on.
Come on. 
You don't want to hurt anyone.
We're not cops.
We're just here to help you.
Yeah, you're just a couple of medics
Here to take care of the injured, is that it?
Right, yeah. 
Pretty much.
All right.
All right.
[gunshot and screaming]
Ah!
Take care of him.
[groaning]
- It's okay.
- [groaning]
Cavitation. 
Find the exit wound.
- Yeah, right here.
- Ah!
You're gonna be okay, sir.
This is falling straight to hell.
You're not very good at this, are you?
Huh?
He's just not as experienced as I am, that's all.
500 milligrams.
That ought to do it.
You, you're real good.
You pass the test. 
You...
Not so much.
Maybe you need another patient, huh?
Maybe I put a bullet in her knee, huh?
Please don't.
You think you could handle that?
I mean, you don't have to be too experienced for that, right?
You're right.
I'm not a paramedic.
You a cop?
Fbi.
And you do not want to shoot a federal agent.
Really?
What makes you so special?
Nothing.
There are 40 of my coworkers outside with guns.
Think about it.
Shooting him's not gonna help anyone.
Baby, he's right.
He's right. 
You do not want to kill a cop.
Okay?
We'll tie him up.
Get down on your stomach and put your hands
Behind your back!
Do it now and don't move.
You got anything like handcuffs in there?
No, I don't.
I've got a lot of bandages and, um, here.
Here, I have posey cuffs. 
Try 'em.
They've made our man in there.
I don't know what the hell that paramedic's doing.
That's rabbit. 
I know him.
He's a good man.
Would you really trust a cowboy paramedic
With their lives?
Stop worrying with him.
Fix me.
He's got no time and you do.
Yeah, but I got a gun.
Okay, okay, bud. 
I hear you.
I'll cut you a deal, all right?
You're in no position to make a deal.
Oh, and you are?
I'm listening.
If you let me get him outside and treated,
I can patch you up and get you ready to go.
Look, if he's dying, I can't think straight.
But he's okay, I can focus on you.
Sound fair? 
- Listen to me.
He has no authority to make deals with you.
Shut up!
Shut up.
Sounds fair. 
All right.
Yeah. 
- All right.
- Christine?
- Yeah?
Tell 'em we got one coming out.
Okay.
It's all right, buddy.
We got you.
Clear! 
Clear!
All right! 
On me. 
Come on!
One, two, three, go!
How's rabbit?
I don't know.
Things were starting to get hectic though,
Even for rabbit.
Damn it.
Okay, well, this is different.
And cool.
Control, this is angel rescue two,
En route to city.
We're five minutes out. 
Over.
All right, here we go.
All right, give me two large bore ivs wide open,
Four milligrams of morphine.
Okay, uh, maybe it's here.
Let me-- - come on, hey, hey.
Hey! 
Whoa!
Look, I definitely know where this is.
Okay, how we supposed to work like this?
Well, you can start by putting your seatbelts on.
Where's the bags?
Where's the saline?
Okay, bags, saline, all that stuff
Is by the patient's arms.
And we got endotracheal tubes by the patient's head
And trauma dressing by his feet.
Oh, wow.
You actually paying attention up there?
You have no idea the things I have seen.
- Whoa! 
Hey!
- Oh, man!
Man, I thought it was hard working while you drove.
I heard that, boone.
Hoo-wee!
Oh, you think this is funny, tyler?
Sharps away.
[chuckles]
I don't want to lose him, guys.
Come on.
Guys, this is just going on forever and ever.
I think we're going around in circles.
Can we just keep moving?
We're gonna have to turn around.
It stops here.
Damn it! 
A dead end?
Oh, no.
Aw, what the hell?
Oh, no.
Hey, we've got us a blocked passage here.
What?
- There we go.
- All right.
I can't do this.
I'm not seeing that on the map.
Listen to me.
The passage is blocked.
Roger that. 
We'll find you another way out.
Nancy!
Wait! 
Wait!
Jake, down, down, down.
Down. 
Go down.
Jake, I need you here, man.
Yeah, I got it.
Nancy! 
Hey!
Nancy! 
Nancy!
Hey.
Hey, we're gonna get out of here.
- I can't-- - listen.
We're getting out of here. 
We will.
We will. 
We'll get out of here.
- Just let me go!
- I need your help.
No, I need you, okay? 
You can do this.
We're gonna get out of here.
[gasps]
Hey, I got an agonal respiration here!
[electronic beeping]
She's not breathing.
Look--look at me, nancy.
Look at me.
Nancy, just tell me what to do!
Okay, that pen is between your jugular vein
And the top of your lung.
- Then take it out.
- Can't do that.
It's the only thing stopping that vein
From bleeding freely.
Big vein bleeding freely?
Very, very bad.
If I take out the pen,
You'll be dead in about two minutes.
You could have been a hero.
Saved the day.
Well, it's not too heroic if I kill my patient, is it?
[chuckles]
He probably doesn't agree with you.
Listen to me.
The most important thing is that everybody gets out okay.
You and everyone else.
- Yeah, well-- - [coughing]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[coughing]
Christine.
Okay, you've got to lie down.
Christine.
Take the gun.
Be careful.
Shh. 
Come on.
Now stop moving.
I don't want you to get hypotensive
And tachycardic.
What's that mean?
That means I need surgery
And a hospital right now.
I thought you said he'd be okay
If you just left the pen in.
He's been moving around too much, okay?
He's starting to bleed out.
Hang in there, buddy.
I'm not going to the hospital.
You need a hospital.
Can you make him understand?
[sobbing] baby--
Baby, no! 
Don't lower the gun.
Put the gun back up.
I'm not gonna stand here and watch you die.
I'm not gonna die.
I'm not gonna die.
Put the guns up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Look, guys, I am not joking around.
You need to see a surgeon in the next 15 minutes
Or you're gonna die from blood loss.
It's a death-- - fix him!
Please! 
Please!
[electronic beeping]
Here. 
Nancy, she's brady.
Hey, laura jean's bp is 80 over 50.
Pulse is low.
Just tell me what to do.
- I can't.
- Yes, you can.
I can't.
Nancy. 
Nancy, come on.
Look at me. 
Look at me.
Nancy, come back to me.
This girl's gonna die, okay?
Just talk to me, all right?
Just talk me through it.
Okay.
Bradycardic, hypotensive.
What-- - bra--
Bradycardic, hypertensive.
Good. 
What else?
Keep going.
No, no, it's not good.
It's not good.
She's going into neurogenic shock.
You need to give, uh, ns bolus.
Okay. 
Ns bolus.
Okay, how much?
Uh, 500cc ivp.
Okay, I got it.
Good. 
Now what?
Now what? 
- Is she stabilizing?
Let me see.
Heart rate is normalizing.
Bp is still low.
What do I do now?
Push dopamine.
Ten mcg per kilogram of weight.
Nancy, I can't do that.
I'm an emt.
You have to.
Hey, I didn't see anything.
Go for it.
All right, she's about 125.
How much is that, nancy?
I can't do math right now.
All right, 125.
Two kilograms.
That's like 2, 2, 50.
Okay, okay, back off. 
Back off.
All right, respirations are decreasing.
She's still in respiratory distress.
What's causing that?
Oh, god, I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.
Well, neither can she and she's the one dying here!
Just tell me what to do!
I--
Okay, if it's a burst fracture...
Talk to me.
It means that it could be--
That it could be interfering with her phrenic nerve.
Okay, she's losing control of her diaphragm.
You have to intubate, nancy.
You have to intubate.
I can't.
He's in decompensated shock
And suspected intraperitoneal hemorrhaging.
We got to stop the bleeding.
How much longer?
We're one minute out.
Trauma team is standing by.
500ccs of crystalloid.
Whoa, hey!
Marisa, I can't do this with all the movement, huh?
Tyler, it's a helicopter.
I can't just pull it over to smooth things out.
- Unbuckle him.
- Got him?
- All right.
- Okay, yeah?
All right, roll him.
Oh! 
Whoa!
Oh! 
- Shoot.
- Okay! 
Okay! 
Whoa!
- Hey, hey, hey!
It's not stopping!
It's not stopping!
I know.
Stick your finger in the exit wound.
Okay, all right. 
Whoa!
Ah!
There you go. 
There you go.
Okay, I got it.
I got it. 
I got it.
- Okay.
- All right, come on, buddy.
- What's going on?
- Great.
- How's he doing?
- All right, hold on.
- What's happening?
- Okay.
[chuckles]
- He's stabilizing.
- Yeah?
- [sighs] - oh.
All right, here we are, boys.
Whoo! 
Hoo-hoo-hoo!
Wow, that was freaking awesome, huh?
Come on.
Oh, whoa, whoa. 
Come on.
Take a breath. 
You can do this.
I know you can. 
Come on.
Okay, give it to me. 
Okay?
Here. 
There you go.
Back up. 
Back up, jake.
She's coming in.
[chuckles]
I am shaking.
Glenn, I can't do this.
It would be irresponsible of me.
You're good enough.
You can do this.
Nancy...
Okay.
Okay, go in. 
- All right.
And at the roof of her mouth,
Just imagine a half moon.
Okay.
Okay? 
Be very, very gentle.
Okay.
Okay.
She's awake, nancy.
She's not awake.
It's her reflex, okay?
- Here we go.
- Okay, yeah, go in
And flick your wrist.
Remember, flick your wrist.
Okay, there we go.
There we go. 
There we go.
I'm in. 
I'm in. 
I'm in. 
I'm in.
- Okay, good.
- Okay.
Okay, but make sure you just got airways.
No esophagus, okay?
- I'm in. 
I'm in.
- Okay, good.
I'm in. 
I'm in.
You got it?
Okay.
[chuckles]
- You got it?
- Oh, my god.
She's breathing. 
- You got it!
Okay, guys, we found a way out.
If you backtrack about 100 yards,
We can lift you out of a maintenance hatch.
All right. 
All right.
All right, let's go.
We need to get her.
[indistinct radio chatter]
Hey, he is really running out of time.
He needs a doctor.
You need a doctor and a surgeon.
Baby, you have to go to a hospital.
No.
We have to get you out of here.
No hospital.
Hey, look, if you give up now,
He's got a chance, okay?
We'll go to jail.
You have a big problem with me coming in here
As a paramedic and now you're hostage negotiator.
Hey, shut up, okay?
If I can get you out of here and into an ambulance,
We'll work the rest out later.
Come on. 
Just put down the guns.
You stop talking to her.
Shut up. 
You don't tell her what to do.
Baby, listen to me.
I've got a shot.
How close is that paramedic?
Close.
- Just-- - shut up!
You stop talking to her!
- Be quiet.
- Shut up.
No, just don't listen to him.
Be quiet.
Hey, you're gonna die, jason.
I don't want to die.
I'm not gonna die.
- It's over!
- Let me think, okay?
- You don't need to think.
- Let me think.
There's nothing to think about, christine.
We're not gonna give up, okay?
What should I do?
Don't listen, christine. 
No.
Give me the gun.
No.
Just give me the guns, okay?
Trust me, okay?
- Baby.
- Give me the guns.
Okay.
- Baby, don't give up.
- It's all right.
That's right. 
Just-- [gunshot and screaming]
Christine?
[gunshot] [screaming]
Stay down!
What the hell are you doing?
- My job.
- Did you see me there?
You might want to try it sometime.
Did you see me there?
You ran a little off the reservation here.
- Hey, I had her, okay?
- Oh, you had her?
- Yeah, she gave me the guns.
- You had her?
Yeah!
Who in the hell do you think you are?
Hey, you sent that clown in here!
Backed us all into a corner!
That's what you did! 
- Mm-hmm?
And they're fine. 
So are you!
- This is fine?
- Yeah.
But I will be talking to your supervisor.
- Oh, like I give a damn.
- Yeah!
That seems to be the problem, doesn't it?
Yeah, well, get your hands off me.
You've got a problem with authority, don't you?
Get your hands off me.
Here's my problem right here.
See that? 
- Mm-hmm?
Their blood and it's on you.
What the-- leave him.
This isn't over.
Okay, fine. 
Whatever.
Thank you, guys.
Sela, I know. 
I know.
I should be home soon. 
Soon!
Yeah, I promise. 
How's griff?
Whoo-hoo! 
I got you.
I'll help you clean. 
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
- Wow.
Usually I do this myself.
Ha ha. 
Funny. 
So do I.
I got you. 
Least I can do.
You let me dance with your date.
Well, it's rabbit's date.
Yeah? 
Thought it was your copter.
Shut up and spray.
Shut up and spray?
Did I get any on you?
Did I get-- come on.
- Man, seriously, tyler.
- [chuckles]
Looks like a pollock painting in there.
You got to the elbow in there and get some grease, man.
Well, usually I don't have to clean this much with you guys.
Hey, this is laura jean.
She's got two broken ankles, a possible fractured pelvis,
And what looks like a burst fracture
To the cervical spine.
Were you able to keep her horizontal during transport?
Oh, you have no idea.
[sighs] [scoffs]
I'm so embarrassed.
I'm so ashamed.
Don't be.
I'm sorry.
Hey...
You've had my back since I started.
Every day.
It felt good to finally be there for you.
[inhales sharply]
You're gonna put this in your book, aren't you?
No.
No, I'm not.
Book's on hold for a while.
Why?
I don't know.
Seems the more time I spend doing the job,
The less I feel like writing about it,
If that makes any sense.
[chuckles]
Glenn, that makes a lot of sense.
Though I might still put the intubation in there, 'cause that's a little too good to let go.
Yeah.
You did really good down there.
Thanks.
[cell phone rings] - hey.
Hey.
Hey, yeah, we had a tough one at the bank.
Yeah, so I heard.
Look, boone, the stress test didn't go so well.
The doc says he's gonna have to put a stint in.
Well, it's good they caught it.
Your bedside manner sucks.
[chuckles] could be worse.
It could be rabbit.
[scoffs]
Look, I'm gonna be in here a minimum of two weeks,
So I need you to, uh... 
Do something for me.
Pal, you didn't even have to ask.
I'm ready to ride a desk.
Well, you may not feel that way
After you do what I need you to do.
Hey.
You know that woman you brought in earlier,
The burst fracture?
She was in pretty bad shape. 
- Yeah.
She made it though, right?
Yeah, no, she's stable and has sensation in her feet.
Who did the intubation?
Why, is there something wrong with it?
No, it's perfect.
No chipped teeth.
No mucosal abrasions.
She probably won't even have a sore throat.
- Good.
- Yeah.
Nancy's a pro.
Yeah, nancy is a pro, but she does have a heavy hand.
Her intubations always have some sort of laryngeal trauma.
Always.
Maybe she got lucky.
Yeah, I guess she did.
Nice work, probie.
[knock on door] - bas?
Oh.
Yeah, I didn't dodge any bullets, man.
Have a seat.
Uh-huh.
[sighs]
Just as a friend, I think you did a great job today.
A save, no hostage casualties, perfect.
As a friend?
But as acting captain,
I need you hand over your card.
What's the charge?
Assaulting an fbi agent.
You know, he had that woman shot in the back of the head
After she surrendered.
She gave me the guns.
Rabbit, that is not our call, bro.
Okay?
Man, I was right--
No, no, no, no. 
Listen, man.
You've been running on the edge for a while now.
Come on. 
You know me, boone.
Yeah.
I do know you, and so does basra,
But this time it went to the guys above us.
You had to know you had it coming.
Yeah, I had it coming. 
I know.
[sighs]
You're also being suspended without pay,
Pending a review.
I'm cool.
I'm sorry. 
All right?
You don't have to be sorry, man.
You're just doing your job, right?
Being a good captain.
* well, I'm never lying' * * and I'm a just a guy, but I... * * and I'm wasted * * and I can't find my way home *
* *

On a mission, are we?
This town deserves a better mayor.
Hey, Tom.
Hello, Jenny.
Council meeting, Barnaby?
Not like you.
Mr Dalgleish. 
Lady Matilda!
Lovely day.
I don't think so.
All right, darling.
Ha ha. 
Ha ha.
What's he doing here?
Have you been opening your stupid mouth?
That's Hugh Dalgleish down there.
Do you know him?
He called me a peasant once.
Lady Matilda's not much better.
Thinks she owns the whole village.
She does.
Jenny.
Lovely to see you.
Oh, Detective Sergeant Jones, this is Mrs Jenny Russell, hotelier and member of our Chamber of Commerce.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello, people.
Wh-What? 
Have you spoken to him about our Right to Roam?
Tell them to stay off my land.
See?
Threatening. 
We have heard your complaints, Ms Terry.
Detective Sergeant Jones here has the matter well in hand.
Thank you, Mary.
Trash.
Er...
I heard that.
Good morningm everyone...
Knock it off.
First up today, the Brighton agenda.
Hooray!
Thank you, Harry.
I must emphasise that this Brighton reunion is not just an excuse for a junket.
It's also a matter of history and gratitude.
Rubbish!
During the war, when they were building Spitfires on our doorstep, it was the good people of Brighton who said to us,
'Send us your young ones so they be not bombed by the enemy.'
Hear, hear.
Absolute tosh.
And we celebrated that union between our towns until certain incidents had put a bit of a dampener on the events.
They tried to murder us.
That's not true.
Anyway, in a spirit of conciliation, the Brighton council...
Here we go.
..have offered us the chance to purchase some inexpensive land along the coast in order that we may build some holiday cabins for the less fortunate of Causton.
Well said.
Jolly good.
I hope to finalise that deal on our memorial trip. 
Not a chance.
All right, Matilda. 
The people of that town are barbarians.
They were barbarians when my ancestors conquered them and they are barbarians still.
And as head of the Finance Committee I am refusing to sign anything.
So there. 
Be done with it.
Ugh!
So much for the Mayor's deal.
Hm.
(SEAGULLS CRY)
(DIAL TONE)
(PHONE RINGS)
Barnaby.
It's John. 
Oh, John!
Thanks very much for calling back.
I got your e-mail.
What can I do for you?
This land deal that's going down between the two councils.
I checked it out, it looks kosher.
It's a bit of soggy council land.
'It's only good for temporary dwellings.
'Why not use it for cabins for your kiddies?
'
Jones.
Our Mayor Hicks wouldn't get out of bed unless there was a profitable fiddle involved.
Which bridle path, Mr Terry?
This isn't personal, is it, Tom?
No. 
No. 
No.
This is preventative detection.
OK. 
I'll er...dig a little deeper.
Right. 
OK. 
Thank you, John.
I'll be there in an hour.
Dalgleish and the Terrys again.
Well, you're just the man to sort it out.
Sir? 
Giles Shawcross.
Midsomer Parva?
Oh, God, the Reverend Doom And Gloom.
(PHONE RINGS)
Hello, Reverend. 
What a lovely day.
I hope you're enjoying it.
Hello, Marcia.
Lady Bracknell home, is she?
I believe Matilda's expecting you.
Jolly good.
You be careful.
Don't crack a smile or anything.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha!
You really are the devil's work, aren't you?
Pas devant, old thing, pas devant.
My son hasn't communicated in any acceptable way for many, many years.
Well, he will now, won't he?
The king is dead.
Long live the king.
Ha ha ha.
And you have a conscript, a volunteer, for this task?
Absolutely.
All we have to do is come up with the catalyst.
I'll leave that to you, shall I?
It's wrong.
My God would say it's wrong.
Just as well you own His church, then.
Even if you can't afford His roof.
It's television, you know.
It's all ugly, violent people screaming at each other.
Appalling role model, hence vandalism... threatening behaviour, the breakdown of society -
Yes, I'm sure you're absolutely right, but to matters more pressing?
Oh, sorry.
Once I get going, you know...
Come through.
Thank you.
See. 
Not very clear.
Do you think it's one of those hoodie chaps?
That's the wrong sort of hood, Giles.
Oh.
Have you got CCTV inside the church?
No. 
Matilda didn't want people spying on her at her devotions.
There have been four of these now, pinned up out there.
Virtual death threats.
Very unpleasant.
This one regarding Hugh Dalgleish, the property fellow.
It says he's 'in league with the devil.' Probably the Mayor.
Really?
It was a joke, Giles.
Oh.
Ah, then there's this one accusing Lady Matilda and Marcia of having a 'vile and unnatural' relationship.
That's a bit of a stretch.
Ridiculous.
Finally last night's letter claiming that Jenny Russell from the hotel is 'the whore of Babylon'.
All of them saying these people will be 'cleansed' and signed with a cross... a crucifix.
Or a sword?
Hm?
That could be a sword, couldn't it?
Yes, I suppose it could be. 
You said there were four of these letters.
The first one was about me.
I er...threw it away.
I didn't realise it was the first of a series.
What did it say?
Oh...nothing much.
Just generally abusive and threatening.
Probably came from the bishop.
So, is there anyone you could, you know, point the finger at?
Any disturbed Medievalists in your flock?
No ideas at all.
We were just exercising our legal right to roam.
You mean, winding him up, as usual.
This has been a public right of way since Norman times. 
OK. 
OK.
Whoa!
It's like that Space Odyssey thing.
# RICHARD STRAUSS:
Thus Spoke Zarathustra
Ah, Bill, you know what?
This is so boring.
I am trying to run a business here.
Bill...
Look, I know where you are and I know where your little tart works. 
Hey, Tom.
Jenny. 
I am coming to get the pair of you. 
Do you understand?
Yeah, you should be worried.
I'm bloody serious.
Ugh!
15 years to build this place up and then he goes and blows it all for some little tart.
Yes, I heard... 
I'll go down there on this council trip and kill them.
That's quite understandable. 
How long does sex take up in your life, Tom?
Half an hour a week?
Once a month?
Please may I have a cup of tea?
Very good, Tom. 
Very good.
The 'Whore of Babylon'?
I might put it on my website.
Could crank up business a bit.
Do you know anyone who has a grudge against you?
Could be any of the women round here.
Since Bill left, their grubby husbands all try and park their tanks on my lawn.
In fact, I'd be better off if I ran this place as a knocking shop.
You'd be a wonderful madam.
Freebies for coppers, of course.
Oh, how public spirited.
In meantime, could you have a look through your little black book, see if there's anyone you think might dislike you enough to write this.
Tom.
Are you coming to Brighton with us?
I'm in a bit of a mess.
I need a friend right now.
What sort of mess?
It's personal.
Its not really my area.
(TOOTS HORN)
(TYRES SCREECH)
New boyfriend?
We need to talk.
Ha ha ha!
Hi, Marcia.
You're pushing your luck, aren't you?
If she doesn't see sense, the whole town will suffer.
We have Richard with us every day.
She can't just pretend it didn't happen.
It was a long time ago, for God's - (GUNSHOT)
Oh, my God.
You've done it this time!
I'm gonna go to the law!
(CACKLES)
Thank you, Mr Dalgleish. 
Thank you very much for your co-operation!
No, that's all right, I'll hold, thank you.
He's put these huge concrete blocks across a public right of way and refuses to move them.
Dalgleish bought up the street the Terrys have their shop in.
He bunged up the rents so much the Terrys started to become erm...
how shall I say, less scrupulous about the stuff they were selling?
I should come on this trip, keep an eye on them.
No, you should stay at home.
Hold the line.
Officer in charge. 
Oh, John.
Listen...
I would really like to have a look at the land in question, please, and I would also like, if you can get it for me, a look at the file on Richard William.
Call it political leverage.
'You know what Mum always said?
'
Yes, your mum was right, I am a total pain in the bum, but I'm older than you are, John, and certainly wiser, so hard luck.
'I'll bow to your seniority.
I'll see what I can do.'
Thank you. (LAUGHS)
Yeah.
My cousin.
Hmm. 
The William family, they go back forever.
So does ours.
It's just not in a fat book.
So, we're off to Brighton, are we?
Yes, we are.
All rock, candy floss and fun on the pier. 
Wahee!
You'll see John.
Yes, yeah, I will.
And Jenny Russell.
I'm sorry?
At the tennis club the women were talking about who they'd most like to be stuck with on a desert island.
Oh.
Most of them went for Kyle, the organic butcher, but Jenny Russell chose you.
The organic policeman.
Really?
Oh. 
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
So you just watch yourself.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(HAMMERING ON DOOR) Yes! 
Yes! 
I'm coming! 
Good lord.
(HAMMERING ON DOOR)
I want Matilda arrested.
She just tried to kill me.
Shotgun.
Could have took my head off.
A tragic outcome.
Will be if you don't sort her.
Get her to see sense or I'll insist on doing her for attempted murder.
What you have to understand, Barnaby, is historical context.
I think the only thing that I have - Marcia.
Would you please stop that damn noise?
So, William the Conqueror?
What do you know about him?
Erm...1066. 
Battle of Hastings.
Oh, not just Hastings.
The French had to subjugate all the people along the south coast to cover their rear.
And who do you think was in charge of the mopping up?
Sir Richard Guillaume.
Well done.
Guillaume, French for William.
My late husband's direct ancestor and a fine fellow who's also quite ruthless.
As one has to be with barbarians.
Yes, if I could just um -
His Sword of Guillaume, as his weapon became known, took many Anglo Saxon lives and came to symbolise everything that the English hated about the French. 
Yes?
Yes, I'm - So, naturally, when, 20 years ago, my son, Richard, a direct descendent of this fine warrior, appeared in Brighton, scene of Guillaume's greatest butchery, the local natives conspired to attack him, leaving him
as you see him now and ending our family line.
Not white on white Marcia, for goodness' sake.
Lady Matilda, can I get this correct, please?
You're saying that your son's injuries were caused by a revenge attack for something that happened almost a thousand years ago?
Absolutely.
Your average Englishman is a very primeval creature.
Which is why I'm having none of this 'chummy, chummy, let's make friends with the murderers' nonsense.
What you need there is some Zephirine Droughin.
Er, Lady Matilda?
A random mugging for his watch and his wallet.
That's what was decided at the time.
Fiddlesticks!
Revenge, Barnaby. 
Revenge.
The police down there got it all wrong.
As it happens I, myself, was never happy with the conclusions of the Brighton officers.
It all seemed a bit to pat to me.
Really?
Hm. 
But, of course, as a junior officer, which I was at the time, my opinion carried but little weight.
I'd love to do some digging for you, but, of course, if the Brighton trip doesn't happen...
Are you trying to co-opt me?
Coerce me?
Lady Matilda, do you know how many firearms regulations you contravened yesterday?
Goodness, you are.
I think we have allied interests.
The Hicks man?
Have you got him in your sights?
Ahh.
(PLAYS HAUNTING CLASSICAL PIANO)
(CHURCH BELL RINGS)
All right?
Matilda.
So glad you saw the light.
Hello, the Terrys.
All set?
Yeah. 
Thanks for setting it up.
Yeah. 
Thanks comes with 50% of the profits.
Sorry. 
Forgot my cassock.
If you could just give me a hand.
Whoopsie daisy.
You'll catch a chill.
Morning, Dave.
Careful.
You're not on the list.
Police liaison.
All set?
Sweet as. 
You hardly need come.
Always stand near my money.
And, Dave, if it goes wrong this time, it won't just be your wife that gets shafted.
She didn't like you, you know.
My wife.
I should hope not.
I'd hate to have slept with a total nutter.
Righty-ho.
Lovely to see you all here.
We'll be taking a short comfort break in Crawley, in deference to the pensioners' prostates, and then it's on to Brighton for shopping and sight-seeing, followed by tea and mayoral reception at the Pavilion.
Now, remember, we are all ambassadors for Causton and I know -
Oh, do be quiet, you tedious little man.
Driver, drive.
I've always had a bit of a thing about Brighton.
It sort of says... well...something to everyone.
Oh, yes.
When I was a boy, I went on the ghost train.
Ahh. 
Learnt all about the fear of God then, I can tell you.
Oh, well, we'll give that a go then, eh?
Hey, fancy a bit of fun among the spooks, eh?
Have you ever been really terrified?
Not until now, Giles.
What you got there?
A couple of years ago, the guvnor suspected Mayor Hicks of a dodgy property deal.
So he's kept this file on him.
Complaints mainly.
Wants me to search for 'anything interesting.'
He's obsessed.
No, just sick of petty corruption downtown.
And obsessed.
Want me to help?
Not really gonna attack your husband, are you, Jen?
Nah. 
Just gonna give him an earful.
Everything all right your end?
Yes. 
Fine. 
What's the matter?
There's this bloke who's decided to join us. 
I mean, nothing serious.
'I just don't want complications.
Thought you might be able to get him out the way.'
Right-ho, everyone, how about a nice bracing stroll on the pier, along the front, or a bit of shopping in the Lanes?
Remember...
I'll just get my coat.
..on the coach by twelve o'clock for the short ride to the reception.
Yes, lovely, innit?
Hmm, yeah. 
Bit blustery, but er we don't mind that, do we?
Fun pier, I think. 
Ha ha ha!
You don't have to strangle me.
Oh, sorry, madam.
John.
Tom.
How are you doing?
Hey, you're looking well.
Had a call from our Lady Mayoress, asking if I'll show you the sights.
How convenient.
Hop in.
Thank you, thank you.
And remember, he's an old man.
So, er...take it easy.
Don't worry.
Yeah, well done, girl.
Your bloke just took him off.
Got to keep the balls in the air a bit longer, then once the deal goes through,
I thought we might pop down to my Spanish place to celebrate. 
Ha ha!
What number?
Number three. 
Here we are.
Mr Wakely?
Yes.
Your daughter asked us to drop by.
Who?
Your daughter. 
Madam Mayor.
She sent us.
She's the Mayor, you know.
She said you had some things you'd like to show us.
Have I?
May we come in?
Would you like to come in?
Well, its lovely. 
Why is it so cheap?
It floods.
The sea comes in down there.
Local conservationists want to abandon the sea defences altogether, so that the whole place goes under and becomes a wild life reserve.
So where they gonna build these holiday chalets, then?
Along the high side, I guess.
Couldn't put any solid buildings there, they'd sink.
Mm-hm.
I can't see his angle myself.
Is he up for re-election? 
Maybe it's just a vote-catching exercise?
Or maybe it isn't.
Oh, I got you the Richard William file. 
Good man.
That ruined pier.
Says a thousand things.
Like what?
Well, the futility of man's efforts at self aggrandizement, moral decline,
It says the pier burnt down.
Good God, no wonder the church is empty.
Now, go and find Marcia and tell her I want a cup of tea.
This is the best one.
Basket hilted broadsword.
With a crest and two scabbard mounts.
(MOUTHS)
And an infantry officer's battle dress sword.
Made by Prosser of Charing Cross in 1803.
Probably saw Waterloo.
Hm, I bet it did.
What was it Christine wanted me to do?
She wanted us to have them officially valued for you. 
For free.
Good idea.
Can never be too careful.
Dead right.
Tea.
Excuse me. 
Lady Matilda would like a cup of tea.
It's just so sad.
So...
let's cheer him up.
Erm...
I have to get Matilda a cup of tea.
I.... 
I wonder if you wouldn't mind keeping an eye on Richard for me?
Of course.
No problem.
Hello, Dicky boy.
One latte and one cappuccino, then, please.
One tea, please.
There we are.
This file's been altered after the initial interviews.
How do you work that out?
Well, these two pages, look.
See?
Different typeface?
Different typewriters.
This page has been retyped.
It's a bit of a leap.
The SIR on this case - DCI Jim Harper.
I'd love to have a look at his daybooks, written diaries.
He's retired. 
He's gone off to the Costa del Coppers.
Has he? 
Could you give him a ring?
Gran said you were a bit of a terrier.
Drink your tea.
Dear God.
'Thank you, Marcia' would have been nice.
Do you have faith, Mr Hicks?
Yeah. 
In myself.
That's interesting, you see - Giles, I'm busy.
Yes, Dave.
Oh, yes, of course. 
Busy.
Everyone's busy these days.
Fun fair for me, then.
Yes...something real.
Just one more, George.
Marcia!
Marcia! 
Quick come here, it's Richard. 
Quick!
What?
I don't know what the matter is.
Ha ha ha!
Ugh!
Richard.
Richard.
Stop. 
What's happened here?
Better get him another nappy.
You are despicable man.
What?
Truly despicable.
Ugh!
It's all right, Richard.
It'll be fine. 
It's all right.
Bye-bye!
Let's go do the ghost train, then.
I don't want to go anywhere with you.
I don't like you.
Nobody does, darling.
That's the joy of being me.
I'll go frighten the ghosts on my own, then.
Didn't Hicks's cowboys screw up the guv's roof repairs?
Yeah. 
So?
Well, maybe that's what's driving his tram on this one. 
No.
This is him doing his moral bit.
Oh.
Revenge is just a by-product.
Agh!
(SCREAMING)
Right, everybody off. 
That's it.
This way George.
Weather's looking up, Matilda.
So, if you'd like to er...
Right.
Everyone er... 
Everyone down.
That's... 
That's about all of us.
That's it.
Mr Mayor, what a pleasure.
Madam Mayor, it's my pleasure.
Allow me to introduce you to the members of our council.
Welcome to Brighton.
And Chamber of Commerce.
Christine will be chairing the proceedings.
Giles, how was the ghost train?
Oh, as always.
Dark, godless and reassuringly hellish.
That's our local optimist.
Hey.
Jenny!
What have you done with Hugh Dalgleish?
He's nothing to do with me.
I'm going shopping?
Do you want to come buy a hat.
What about the reception?
Ugh! 
Too boring.
And I have another agenda, do you remember?
Hey, Jenny! 
Don't do anything silly.
That's Jenny.
She runs a very nice hotel.
She...she's going through a bad patch, you know.
Private life.
I do like making my own arrangements, but the choir is...
Bells, gas-masks.
For instance, this is an pretty extraordinary bit of... 
Really?
Oh, our eyes were popping out like stalks.
Over here, please!
Look this way!
I hope it works out.
Could you all just...? 
Over here.
We should go.
Your boy certainly looks shifty enough.
And your girl? 
She all right?
Very nice. 
Popular too.
Silence. 
Silence, please.
Your host, Her Worship, the Mayor of Brighton.
Thank you, Mr Mayor.
I won't keep you all long.
I just wanted to draw your attention to the programme of events and to say how delighted we are to revive the tradition of the Causton Brighton reunion and to see so many of the youngsters here today.
Come along. 
Hotel.
I'm also very happy to welcome the Causton Chamber of Commerce to our city and hope that the contacts and friends they make here will result in further social and economic exchanges between our two communities.
So you all have a splendid time and for those of you who enjoy a good laugh, we have our annual comedy festival at various venues...
I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen.
Is Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby here?
We've had to close the pier.
In this town that's sacrilege.
It's a right bloody mess.
And he's not looking too chipper either.
He's certainly somewhat diminished.
Is this one of your lot?
Yeah. 
That is... was...
Hugh Dalgleish.
That's his weekend right down the Swanee.
So, er...starting with the obvious.
Did this Dalgleish have any enemies?
God, John.
He had only enemies.
So he won't be missed?
Hmm.
No.
There'll be dancing in the streets.
Log it as a shaving accident, then?
This has to be contained. 
This could screw up a good deal for our town.
Hicks, was Hugh Dalgleish involved in your deal?
Oh, come on. 
As if.
This was legit council business.
Then why was he here?
Bit of a jolly, I suppose.
Him and Jenny Russell.
Really?
Not disappointed, are you?
Pathology's initial says it looks like a clean swipe with a very sharp blade.
I'm rounding up all our local Samurai nutters.
Did you bring any crazies with you?
Only the usual.
Where would you go to buy a hat round here?
Yes. 
It's lovely, madam, really suits you.
Jenny.
Ah, Tom. 
What do you think?
My Fair Lady or what?
Jenny, could I have a word, please?
Hmm, too tarty?
Jenny...sit you down.
This is Detective Chief Inspector John Barnaby from Brighton CID.
He's my cousin.
Oh, goodness me, keeping it in the family! 
Nice to meet you, John.
So, what is it?
Hugh Dalgleish...has been killed.
Murdered.
On the pier.
Well...that's terrible.
What was your relationship with Mr Dalgleish?
I knew him.
Nothing more?
Jenny?
No.
Well, not for a long time.
Hang about.
I thought you'd be here! 
I knew if I waited long enough you'd turn up!
What you doing? 
You've ruined my business and my life!
As for you, find a man of your own.
Could you not tell he was married?
Jen!
Come back.
Anyone you knew?
There you are, sir.
Ah, yes. 
Thank you.
Enjoy your meal.
Very nice, sarge.
Well, he's off having a jolly.
Why shouldn't we have some fun?
The beauty of the mobile phone.
Take the office with you. 
Cheers!
Cheers!
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)
I don't believe...
Sir?
Where the hell are you?
They said you'd gone out to lunch, for God's sake.
Just popped out for a sarnie, sir.
'I can hear ducks.'
Oh, no, no.
'Jones, I've got a murder here.'
Hugh Dalgleish... 
Decapitated.
'Do I have your full attention now?
'
Oh, right.
'The Terrys...'
See if they got back. 
They have disappeared from down here.
Then go and talk to Perkins at the bank. 
And take no nonsense from him.
I want to know all about Dalgleish's finances, especially any dealings he may have had with Dave Hicks and/or Jenny Russell.
Someone murdered Hugh Dalgleish.
One lunch!
Si, er...
Jim Harper.
Er policia Inglesa.
Um...policia Brighton er Ingleterra...
What?
Why didn't you tell me you spoke English?
Yes, that's very funny.
OK, listen to me.
You tell Jim Harper to call me, DCI John Barnaby, ASAP...
Have you got a pen?
I'm sorry, detective, but my hands are tied.
It's the basic principle of the 1998 act, I'm afraid.
Data must not be disclosed to other parties without the consent of the individual whom it is about.
Neither Mr Hicks nor Mr Dalgleish have informed me of such consent.
Not that Mr. Dalgleish is likely to be so doing under the circumstances.
Why do you bother, Mr Perkins?
I'm sorry?
This ridiculous run around every time we come to you for information.
As I just stated, the act says -
The act says in clear and massive print under Exceptions; 
Section 29:
'Data processed for the prevention or detection of crime, 'the apprehension or prosecution of offenders, 'or the assessment or collection of taxes 'are exempt from the first data protection principle.'
You know it by heart.
Yeah, and a lot of other basic statutes as well.
It saves time when dealing with recalcitrant or obstructive lawyers, accountants, bank managers.
The law, Mr Perkins, is like The Bible.
You can always find one quote to contradict another.
You really shouldn't talk to me like that.
I haven't had any lunch.
(SEAGULLS CRY)
I was going to have the service here.
I suppose I'm superfluous now.
Hugh Dalgleish - Look there, see.
'1069. 
The original chapel on this site was built by Richard de Guillaume', umpteenth great grandfather of our poor Richard.
Did Dalgleish ever visit your church?
Only recently. 
To talk to Matilda.
What about?
I don't know. 
She was always on the look out for cash for the church.
You see, the original Norman chapel was burnt down by the locals.
They hated the Normans.
Especially the Guillaume family.
It's all cyclical.
Goes around comes around.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS) Goes round comes around.
No-one learns. 
No-one cares.
Jones?
Perkins the bank said Dalgleish had a mortgage on Jenny Russell's hotel.
She was into him for some serious money.
What about Dalgleish and Hicks?
He says certain business accounts can only be accessed through head office.
'Well, that's nonsense.' I know.
Well, I need the information.
Think laterally.
Yes, sir.
'What about the Terrys?
'
Yeah, they're back home.
Well, I need to know who they met, why they took off so quick and what was in their holdall.
Will do.
Do you know anyone at the bank?
Yes.
Good.
Mm!
Tom?
I left a message for Harper in a bar in Fuengirola.
Look over there.
That Richard William?
20 years on, yeah.
Poor lad.
Relationship?
I do not have 'relationships' with the likes of Hugh Dalgleish.
But lately, Lady Matilda, you have been talking to him, haven't you?
And that, quite frequently.
From whom have you heard this gossip?
A source.
As Giles well knows, my church is in serious need of expensive repairs.
Dalgleish had money. 
I was trying to extract some from him.
I could not stand the man.
Any particular reason for that?
Apart from the fact that he was the most ghastly parvenu, he tried to have me removed from the council. 
My own council!
He didn't? 
Why did he do that?
I got wind of a dubious scheme he was planning with that Hicks creature.
What was the scheme?
Er, Lady Matilda, this is Detective Chief Inspector John Barnaby, from Brighton CID.
He's the senior investigating officer in this case.
Oh. 
Are you all called Barnaby in the police?
Well, it makes life easier.
Well, I hope you people are more competent these days.
We do our best.
Hicks and Dalgleish had acquired some land.
They were trying to push a change of use through the council so that they could develop it.
And you stopped them?
I told Hicks that Dalgleish was sleeping with his wife.
Everyone else knew.
I thought it was most unfair he should be left in the dark.
It led to a falling out between them, a collapse of their scheme and of course the end of the Hicks marriage.
Oh, right.
Now, don't be censorious, Tom.
That land is still home to the bluebell and the buttercup.
Not the hideous executive home.
(SIGHS) Talk about dinosaur.
We have one in every village, John.
They deter social change.
That one would deter evolution.
Hey, John. 
What?
That is it! 
What?
The deal, the scam.
She just said it.
The little...
He's trying it on again!
You know that change of use?
But that's flood plain.
You can't build on it.
Could we have a little chat with your Madam Mayor?
We do have a murder on!
I know we do and we're looking for motives, aren't we?
Not just riding your mayor?
No, no, no, no, no.
But everything is linked, John.
All rivers flow down to the sea.
Is that a fact?
Oh, yes.
Let me lead, OK?
Oh, yeah. 
Your town.
Glad you noticed.
(LAUGHS) Good to be here, John!
We don't seem to have much luck with our Causton relationship.
Is there anything I can do to help, Chief Inspector?
Mayor Hicks.
What do you know about him?
Well, seems like a man who gets things done.
A bit um, a bit 'fly', would you say?
I'm not sure what you mean by that?
Mayor Hicks has a bit of a name for um, putting together deals.
Yes? 
Yeah.
Deals which will benefit Mayor Hicks slightly more than they would benefit the community at large.
Well, he has no criminal record.
I did check.
Why did you do that?
Why did you do that?
Common business practice.
I wouldn't want the council to get involved in something that wasn't totally above board.
Whose idea... 
Sorry, John.
Whose idea was the land deal between the two councils?
I don't recall.
I met Mr Hicks at a local government symposium.
I rather think he floated the idea and I looked at what we had on our books that would accommodate his plans for the holiday cabins.
I came up with the Wandin Valley.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I am very busy.
Oh. 
Right. 
Of course.
Thank you so much for your valuable time, Ms Wakely.
Always a pleasure.
Not at all.
(GULL CRIES)
I know what you're thinking.
I doubt it.
You're thinking I'm a great big wuss and can't stand up to women in authority.
No, I'm not. 
I'm sure there's a good reason for your sycophancy.
And there it is.
Oh look, there's your little chum too.
It's a northern thing.
Know how to operate a ferret. 
A-ha!
Looks like they're having a bit of a falling out.
Which means she either doesn't know what she's let herself in for or she's balling him out for bringing us down on her.
Either way, she's too smart to go down with that sorry spiv.
I'll give her a nudge tomorrow.
When she's had time to sweat a bit.
(DISTANT SOUNDS FROM PIER)
(SOUNDS OF AMUSEMENTS)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Who is it?
(Tom Barnaby.)
Oh, well, I knew you fancied him!
What do you want?
I don't want you going with anyone else, that's for sure.
Oh, but it's all right for you to screw around is it?
Look, when you went bananas out there today, something in me kind of woke up.
'That is my girl,' I thought.
'What am I doing, Bill?
'
So?
I've left her.
I've told her it's all over.
I wanna come home with you.
Just like that? 
Why not?
What do you say?
(POURING RAIN AND THUNDER)
A sign...
Is that so much to ask for?
A token of your existence.
An acknowledgement of mine.
Hm... 
No, of course not.
Because you don't exist, do you?
You're just not there.
Not for me, not for anyone.
We invented you.
You only live through us!
We are your witness!
Do you hear me?
You're a figment of our imagination, our need.
You didn't create us.
We created YOU!
(THUNDER)
All aboard! 
We're leaving now.
Last one on's a sissy.
Hi, Giles.
You smell like a brewer's mare!
Are you all right?
Just a little... 
For my nerves.
Well, sit by a window. 
Hm.
John. 
I found Harper.
He faxed me his handwritten notes taken at the time.
You'll find what you're after.
Thank you!
Chocks away!
Wait for us!
Wait for us!
Good morning. 
I'm sorry I'm late.
This is my husband, Bill, who has decided he no longer wants to live with his tart, but would like to come home and live with his wife.
So what do we think about that?
Lovely, eh?
No, I didn't think so either.
And if I ever see you in Causton again, I will chop your bits off!
Rightio, ding ding, let's go!
Feeling better?
What are you doing?
Removing an illegal obstruction.
It's not like Dalgleish is going to object.
That's not a very smart thing to say. 
The man...was a pest.
He deserved to be culled.
Why did you leave Brighton before being questioned? 
We were busy.
Shop to run back here.
So why go in the first place?
Business. 
What business?
OUR business.
How did you get back?
Hitched a ride on a passing camel.
You aren't helping yourselves.
And nor were you when Dalgleish was ruining our lives.
Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby would like to know what you had in the holdall you were carrying to Brighton.
Rhubarb.
Long sticks of rhubarb.
Listen, messing me around is a mistake you will regret.
Is that a threat?
No, it's a statement of fact.
What did you say?
Get onto our favourite magistrate.
Search warrant. 
Six uniforms.
Big blokes, big boots.
I'm sick of this!
On the double yellows, then. 
Looks like its been here a couple of days.
Ready to go, sir.
And they are at home.
Hang on a minute. 
Slow down.
They're not going anywhere just yet.
George?
Brighton Forensics phoned.
The cutting edge of the murder weapon left traces of ferrous oxide on the neck wound, which would suggest some kind of antique blade.
And what do you make of that?
Well, absolutely no idea!
Well, that's very useful, isn't it?
Well, actually, it IS useful!
Thank you, George!
Right, let's go!
Take this building.
Check out his van.
Help the others when you're done.
Yes. 
With me.
You two, those buildings we passed.
You two, everything else.
Turn it over, boys!
Down here. 
Come on. 
Quick.
Round the back.
What's all this about?
Morning. 
May we come in?
Thank you.
You cannot do this!
Lucy, this is a murder investigation.
You'd be surprised what we can do.
Guv? 
Yeah.
POLICE RADIO:
'94, 94 August Road.'
Jones? 
Yes, sir.
Whoo!
Oh, this is the bag they had in Brighton.
What's that?
Deliberately blunted.
Probably just ceremonial.
Certainly not a murder weapon.
But of course, we don't know that for sure.
So please explain how you come to be in possession of a murder weapon.
That can't be.
Really!
Looks like it.
They're antique swords.
We're antique dealers.
So why hide them?
They were stored, not hidden!
Where did you get them?
Off a bloke.
Let's spell this out very clearly.
You've been bugging me for months about Dalgleish.
You were in the vicinity at the time of the murder.
You're in possession of a possible murder weapon.
Why did you hide the swords?
They were procured...differently.
Come on. 
Spit it out.
An old man owned them.
So you robbed him?
No.
Dave Hicks.
Dave Hicks?
It's always Dave Hicks.
Dave Hicks what?
He put us on to 'em.
They belonged to that woman mayor's dad.
But please, go on!
Dave had been round to the house for meetings with that Mrs Mayor, off-limit meetings.
Clocked the swords, saw that the old bloke was a little bit doolally, reckoned if we nipped in there, we could maybe persuade him to sell the swords cheaply.
Then we'd bung Dave a percentage of any profits on resale.
Thank you.
Right, let's go through that again, shall we?
A little gem indeed, John. 
Thought it might help you with your nudge.
'It certainly will! 
Cheers!
'
Stephens, what...
I got onto my friend Sarah at the bank. 
We do pilates together.
She accessed those accounts the manager was being a bit slow on.
A policewoman who can circumvent the law. 
Well done, you!
Well, now, there's a surprise!
Or not.
Chief Inspector, I really don't know what you're talking about.
Council agenda for next month.
Upcoming business - traffic, housing, blah blah blah.
Then, right down here in other business, probably come up when everyone's tired and just wants to go home, a proposal to reinforce sea defences in the Wandin Valley.
Proposer, oh look, her Worship the Mayor!
So?
So, if you repair the sea defences, that land will no longer be flood-prone.
Correct.
Making the land rocket in value.
But we won't own it.
No, but your friend Hicks will.
I don't see or like where you're going with this.
I think you should leave now.
You held meetings with Mr Hicks at your father's house. 
Is that usual?
It was convenient.
And Hicks took a shine to your Dad's antique swords. 
Remember that?
Your poor old dad was robbed yesterday.
A couple of Hicks' mates lifted his swords.
Apparently Hicks put them up to it.
Now there's a thing.
How can I help you, Chief Inspector?
£100,000?
Where did you get this?
Hugh Dalgleish gave you £100,000 two weeks before he died.
It was a loan to the council.
Private finance initiative.
To help pay for the Brighton land.
No, it wasn't, Mayor Hicks!
It was used for bungs to vote for a scheme to reinforce the sea defences on your land!
And now poor Mr Dalgleish is dead, he won't be asking for it back, will he?
And that, sir, to me, spells motive for murder.
You're crazy.
I'll get back to you, sir.
And may I suggest, Mr Mayor, you call your lawyer?
Christine? 
Dave!
'Barnaby's all over the place.
You gotta kill the trail.
Wipe everything. 
Dump the hard drive. 
Talk to your iffy mates.'
Tell 'em to keep schtum, otherwise I'll tell the whole world I bribed 'em.
I go down, they come with me.
Where does that leave ME?
Same as always. 
Good, honest citizen helping the police whenever she can.
He wanted to take me to Marbella.
He's all class (!
)
Say night-night to the family.
Grandpa William, Great Grandpa William,
William of Normandy.
Night-night!
Up the stairs to Bedfordshire.
William the Whig, William of Parva.
William of everywhere and everything.
Ha ha! 
You are cheeky.
Night-night, John. 
Good night, Sue.
GILES: 
Yes. 
Yes.
Watch how you go.
GILES: 
Yes.
What's up with him?
Yes, I am very sorry.
I know you can't forgive me, but...
Yes... 
I will.
Yes... 
I will.
Good night.
(DISTANT HIGH-SPIRITED VOICES OF REVELLERS)
(HUMS HAPPILY)
So, how was your cousin?
John?
Oh, very good.
Right stuff.
And?
And what?
And how was Jenny Russell?
Oh...
Oh, not too good.
Things haven't been going um, too well for her.
Well, isn't she lucky to have friends who are so supportive?
Yes. 
Yes, she is.
Yes.
Joyce?
(UNLOCKS DOOR)
(ELONGATED WAIL)
(PANIC-STRICKEN SCREAM)
Wanna move it back, John?
Probably the same murder weapon.
Definitely the same MO.
Easy does it, Terry.
OK, Bill, let's hear it again.
This time, try a story we might find vaguely credible.
I just dropped by to pick up a few things that were jointly owned.
Oh, yeah?
Like her jewellery? 
And cash?
I don't know how they got there.
Up.
Open and shut, is it?
I don't think so.
OK, mind your head.
Can you imagine the pain of crucifixion?
Hours and hours of agony.
Days 
- Giles?
I'm sorry.
I just find it all too...
The anonymous letters. 
You said the first one was addressed to YOU, but you threw it away. 
Yes.
What did it say?
And please don't tell me you can't remember, because I still won't believe you.
It suggested...
I was gay.
I'm not.
I'm not anything.
Some people are sexual creatures, some people aren't.
I have neither reaped nor have I sown.
How long have you known Richard William?
I've been the unhappy rector of this parish for two years.
That doesn't answer my question, does it? 
What do you mean?
Was it pure coincidence that you came here as rector or were you driven here by your sense of guilt?
I was drawn here by God.
You, sir, took your degree in theology at Oxford.
You were a contemporary of Richard William at Oxford.
Was I? 
Maybe.
And you fell in love with him there, didn't you?
Love? 
What is love?
Is God love?
And the attack on Richard in Brighton 20 ago?
I've got the investigating officer's notes on that.
When Lady Matilda was Mayor of Causton, she took Richard along with her as her escort on a Brighton trip.
And you secretly met up with him there. 
Didn't you?
Yes.
But you had a...falling out.
You argued. 
Am I right?
Richard!
Richard.
He... ..fell.
And the police thought it was a gay-bashing.
But Lady Matilda wouldn't have that, no such slur on her family name, so she bullied a Brighton police officer into falsifying his findings.
Did she indeed? 
Hm.
What were you fighting about?
Richard said he'd fallen in love with someone else.
Who?
He didn't say.
(PHONE RINGS)
Write it all down, Giles.
Everything. 
The truth this time.
Barnaby. 'It's me.' Ah, John.
'I've got the tape. 
You up for it?
' Oh, yes. 
Well done you!
I'll do the paperwork and I'll see you there. 'Take me about an hour.'
(CRUMBLING DEBRIS)
So what now?
Yes.
Yes, of course.
John!
Jones, this is DCI John Barnaby, Brighton CID.
He's my cousin.
Heard a lot about you, sir.
I bet.
What now? 
I'm getting sick of this!
David Hicks, we've come to arrest you.
Arrest? 
What for?
Bribing a council official.
What?
Conversation between you and Christine Wakely recorded yesterday.
We also have all your e-mails.
Entrapment!
Detective Sergeant Jones, would you care to accompany the Mayor to the station?
Oh, turn the freaking light off!
But he's no murderer. 
No.
Hasn't got the balls.
Are you sticking around, John?
No, I'll keep working my end.
We'll have a drink next time you're down. 
I look forward to that.
And thank you, John. 
Thank you.
(DOOR OPENS)
(MUMBLES) Oh, Richard, I'm so sorry.
I'm just not very good at this.
Oh, Marcia! 
Good afternoon!
How nice of you to drop by!
Where have you been? 
Out.
Perhaps you could be less enigmatic and a fraction more practical.
I have to attend evensong.
He likes soldiers dunked in the yolk.
These are lies.
These people would say anything to blacken our family name.
You knew perfectly well that Richard was not attacked leaving the library.
Actually, he was found in a small park on the outskirts of Brighton, a park where men were known to go to meet each other for...for casual sex.
I had to protect the family -
Family name. 
Yes, yes. 
Look, listen, I do understand that.
I believe there is a link, a connection, between the murder victims and certain anonymous notes that were sent to Giles Shawcross, one of which suggests - Yes, yes.
That Marcia and I have an unnatural relationship.
Giles told me all about it.
Quite gleefully, if you ask me.
Is it true?
Mr Barnaby!
That is prurience not investigation.
Of course it's not true!
I live in the big house and have a village to run.
It's quite enough for any woman.
And Marcia?
I assume...
Equally arid...
She has very few friends apart from the people she meets in the gym.
Does she work out?
Oh, yes. 
Obsessed with exercise.
Beneath that mild exterior she's built like a pit pony.
Lady Matilda, do you know who this is?
Oh, one of Richard's Oxford friends.
It's Giles Shawcross.
Giles?
The man who met and attacked your Richard in that park in Brighton.
They were lovers. 
No! 
Impossible!
Look at the chin, the angle of the head.
It's Giles. 
Oh, poor boy!
Giles believed that he was brought here by a just if somewhat perverse God to atone for his youthful sins.
And Richard must have known all about it... ..and unable to...tell anyone.
Where is Marcia now?
Church.
I'd like to see her room, please.
Upstairs, third on the left.
Thank you.
I must find Richard.
Richard.
Richard?
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
What is that?
That is the Terrys, winding me up.
We'll have to walk from here. 
Oh!
Ow! 
I'm fine.
So Richard wasn't there?
Didn't see him.
Maybe Richard's involved! 
Oh, Jones.
Come on! 
Not in the real world!
Think about who was named in those threatening letters.
Lady Matilda.
Who was at home.
Reverend Giles. 
Marcia.
What is it connects them all, one to another?
What are you doing?
You know something.
Not even the bell ringers stay for evensong.
Come in, do their bit, then off to the pub.
Can we get on with the service, please?
What's the first psalm?
Inheritance, Jones.
That's what connects them.
Lady Matilda has got a big estate, crumbling, yeah, but big, and a line that stretches back a thousand years, but it's all going to come to an end in the shape of Richard William.
TOGETHER: 
The Lord is my shepherd.
I shall not want.
He maketh me lie down in green pastures.
He leadeth me beside still waters.
He restoreth my soul.
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness, for His name's sake.
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil.
You're kidding!
I don't think so.
You think Dalgleish was leaning on Jenny Russell to marry Richard William?
Jenny Russell! 
Surely Richard would be incapable of -
No, no, Jones. 
Not these days.
Perfectly easy to extract the sperm from Richard and implant it in a healthy female.
Jenny Russell? 
Yeah, who was deeply in debt to Dalgleish.
And you think Lady Matilda went along with this? 
Yeah.
But I think some other parties were not quite so willing.
And now a special prayer for the dying, for those in our parish about to face...the final hurdle.
Stick to the proper order of service, please.
Marcia McIntyre devoted her entire life to caring for Richard.
Why would she do that, do you think?
She was in love with him? 
She was.
How did you get THERE?
Nothing clever.
Found her year book.
They were all at Oxford together.
Marcia ousted Giles from Richard's bed.
Giles crippled Richard.
What a mess!
Yeah, come on.
GILES: 
Lord have mercy.
Christ have mercy. 
Lord have mercy.
Well, we know what has to happen now.
Yes.
I'm ready. 
Are you?
(BREATHES RAPIDLY)
Thank you.
Thank you!
Marcia!
Put the sword down.
Giles, get out of here!
Stay where you are!
Give me the sword.
Vengeance is mine!
Hey, Jones! 
Jones, Jones!
(CRIES PROMISES OF VENGEANCE)
(SWOOSH OF SWORD) Aargh!
Aaargh!
Jones!
My peace, I give to you!
DS Jones. 
Ambulance.
Midsomer Parva Church. 
NOW!
Giles Shawcross.
His er, spinal cord's been severed, completely severed.
He's never gonna walk again.
I have been very much at fault, Mr Barnaby.
I don't think this is about you, Matilda.
I only had the one son.
And then...
Marcia came along, offering her services as a carer.
I didn't know she was...
No, well, she and Richard had their little secret.
Is it a light trim, sir? 
Something for the weekend?
' (GIGGLES)
For Marcia, her whole life...
Who do we want to look like today?
..was in the love that she had for Richard.
Cary Grant?
And for her church.
Clark Gable?
She had no idea at the time... of Richard's involvement with Giles...
We'll look like our oh-so-very-handsome self.
..until... ..until the new rector turned up.
Hm...
Mr Shawcross, there is one thing we haven't actually talked about, which is the condition of the roof.
No wonder Giles felt he was in God's hands.
You were gloriously oblivious, weren't you?
But Marcia wasn't.
I was never very good at the subtleties of life, Mr Barnaby.
And then Hugh Dalgleish comes along with his extraordinary, bizarre agenda.
It's very simple, Lady M.
I want land, you want your precious family line to continue.
I presume Dicky boy still functions as a man?
I beg your pardon? 
Huh...
We take the seed of his noble loins, impregnate...
And Marcia heard it all!
I'm sure your pet rector will do the deed.
And so, betrayed, outraged, terrified of losing Richard,
she set about eliminating everyone involved in the scheme.
And what more suitably biblical way to despatch them than with the fabled sword of Guillaume, hm?
But even in her disturbed state,
Marcia maintained a very high degree of cunning by laying a false trail of accusatory letters, even one maligning herself.
And she let her hooded alter ego be recorded on CCTV, and that opened a whole avenue of suspicions.
And then the revived Causton-Brighton visit.
That presented her with a perfect opportunity.
Where else, where better to begin her work than in the very place where her lover had been destroyed?
In Brighton she attached the sword to the back of Richard's wheelchair
and then set out to deliver her judgment on Hugh Dalgleish.
And then she had to destroy the proposed breeding vessel and Richard's future wife,
Jenny Russell.
And, I'm guessing, but you, as co-instigator of the scheme, you'd have been next.
Oh, Marcia.
You poor woman.
Such demons!
Well, things to be done.
Duties. 
Always duties.
You will excuse us? 
Lady Matilda.
Come along, Richard.
People to visit. 
Gardens to tend.
itfc subtitles

[Children playing]
Hey, it's almost 7:30.
Hmm, would you please try to move your boys along?
JOE:
Come on! 
Let's go, guys!
Finish up!
Ho, ho, hold on.
Ooh, I got that.
Mommy says you're not supposed to eat sweet foods because it's bad for you.
And I say that we're not supposed to waste food.
But if you eat that, your legs can fall off.
What?
CHILD:
We learned about diabetes in school.
It can make your legs fall off.
Are your legs loose?
No, my legs are on good and tight.
And I'll show you by...
Kicking your butt!
If you don't get up there and brush your teeth, boy!
Brush 'em!
[Engine idling]
[Engine shuts off]
It's passive-aggressive.
I mean, why can't he just be out here?
Why do we have to go get him?
Let's just leave without him.
You can wait in the car.
No. 
No, no, no, because what happens is, you go in, and he shows you some picture he took of a windmill or some other bullshit, you get distracted, and I'm stuck sitting out here,
getting dirty looks from the neighbors.
This is a nice place.
I've always thought, all they gotta do is keep it up a little.
Guys. 
Guys, you see an ambulance or paramedics out there?
No, why?
TERRY:
Oh, come on, they should have been here by now!
JOE:
What?
What do you mean?
OWEN:
What's going on here?
!
JOE:
Why... wha...
what's so, what's wrong?
Okay, Alice, my building manager...
JOE:
Yeah, the old lady?
She's in there.
She's dead.
- What?
!
- You're kidding me.
No, no, her door was open, and I peeked my head in to see if she wanted anything from the store, and she was back in the bedroom.
I called 911 like 10 minutes ago.
You sure she's dead?
Yeah, l-l-I tried taking her pulse, but there was nothing...
she must have had a heart attack.
Well, sometimes you can't feel the pulse. 
You sure?
No, yeah. 
I'm sure.
What about...
what about breathing?
You know, my dog, we would think he was dead, but if you waited long enough, then you'd see the... [breathing heavily]
Joe, I checked.
She is definitely dead.
There's nothing we can do, all right?
!
All right, I'm just saying we should double-check.
So double-check!
Okay!
[Sighs]
Come with me.
I'm good.
What do you mean, you're good?
We could save a life here.
Really? "I'm good"?
Okay, all right.
All right, all right.
Here we go.
You didn't say she was sitting up!
She's sitting up?
!
You sure?
She wasn't sitting up when I left her.
Oh, that's funny.
That's funny.
[Both laugh]
She's looking right at me.
You think she's already one of the undead?
Could be.
Happens quick.
Okay, all right.
Disrespectful, dickheads.
Dead lady in there...
her eyes are totally open.
I'm supposed to just roll with that.
[Sighs] Shit.
You should have warned me, man.
Oh, man, I shouldn't have went in there.
Wow, that's some apartment.
Yeah.
So, when you called 911,
- did you say she was dead?
- Yes.
OWEN:
Oh, well, that's why they're not hustling over here.
You got to say she's dying.
TERRY:
Ah.
OWEN:
So, tell me again.
Why, exactly, were you in her bedroom?
TERRY:
I said I found her in there.
[Siren walls in distance] 
- She's 80.
OWEN:
So? 
She's 80.
You're 50.
Your girlfriend's 20.
Do the math.
You're all perverts.
# When I grow up to be a man #
# Will I dig the same things that turn me on as a kid? 
#
# Will I look back and say #
# That I wish I hadn't done what I did? 
#
# Will I joke around? 
#
# Will I still joke around #
# And still dig those sounds # # And still dig those sounds #
# When I grow up to be a man? 
#
Fellas, listen.
I'm having a housewarming party tonight.
"Housewarming"?
What?
Well, l-l-I moved into Alice's apartment.
Are you serious?
She's been dead three days.
I know, I know. 
I was at her funeral this morning.
Very moving.
So you're dressed for a funeral?
Did you have a shovel with you?
Let me finish.
- Oh, finish.
- Go ahead.
You've seen her apartment.
It's pretty sweet, right?
Needs a little fixing up.
But anyway, I'm at the funeral, and I'm talking to the landlord, and now, of course, they need a new building manager.
So, you know, my schedule's somewhat flexible.
I say, "how 'bout me?"
So that means you get the apartment for free.
All 1,500 square feet.
But that's not even a job, really.
You show the apartment every once in a while, you water people's plants when they go on vacation.
I don't think I have to water people's plants.
You got to be shittin' me!
The only thing is, it's a dead lady's apartment.
What do you think they do with dead people's apartments?
"Hey, she's dead.
Let's burn it"?
I'm just saying, you don't think it's a little too soon?
First of all, it's a known religious fact that the soul moves on in 36 hours.
That's not a real thing, is it?
Wow. 
No.
JOE:
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Look, I'm just going on record saying, this party's wrong.
But in spite of that,
I'm coming, and I'm bringing a chick.
Dori, okay?
Can't promise you I'm not gonna have sex in your kitchen.
- So deal with that.
- That's great.
You bring her.
Annie will be there, too.
Oh, good.
Maybe they'll kiss.
[Chuckles]
You coming?
Yeah, if I can get a sitter.
I just can't believe he's got people dropping dead for his convenience.
Well, I wouldn't put it that way, but I will say this.
Good things sometimes come my way.
And I believe it is because...
JOE:
You're the devil.
No. 
No.
Because I put out a positive vibe.
Okay, you can stop that shit right now.
TERRY:
What?
Okay, it's bad enough that great stuff just happens to fall into your lap, but please don't try to chalk it up to some cosmic karma you got going.
TERRY:
All I'm saying is,
I just leave myself open to the positive something that you might want to try.
Oh, okay.
You're right.
This egg white scramble is terrific.
No, still sucks.
See?
[Ball rattles in can]
One.
[Toilet flushes]
Whoo!
Man.
That was close.
Every time I eat Mexican,
I got to drive home with my ass out the window.
I think I pulled something in my arm wiping.
I almost called you in to look at it.
Ah, 800, right?
Yeah.
It's in the envelope.
Boy, Atlanta screwed you this week.
Yeah, tell me about it.
You see the shot at the buzzer?
Ugh. 
Unbelievable.
Ah, you're peeking.
Picking your head up.
Yeah, no.
No. 
No, I'm not.
MANFRO:
Joe, I'm being nice.
Your swing's all over the place.
You play?
Yeah, I play.
Let me show you what you're doing wrong.
No, I mean, I'm...
I'm pretty good.
Me too.
I play all the time.
I'm just saying, I'm...
I'm a scratch, so I kind of know what I'm doing wrong.
[Scoffing] Yeah. 
You're a scratch.
"Scratch your ass" maybe.
How 'bout I show you by doing it?
All right.
How 'bout $100, first one to get it in?
I like the balls, Joe.
[Chuckling]
Got to regrip this shit.
It's sliding all over the place.
Yeah, they're...
they're a little old.
[Sighs]
Hmm. 
All right.
Double or nothing.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I got the kinks out now, weirdo.
- All right.
MANFRO:
Mm-hmm.
Mother!
I mean, it'll look bad, but you really only missed that by a little, 'cause you came over it a little.
MANFRO:
Don't patronize me.
[Ball rattles in can]
[Chuckles lightly]
Two in a row.
[Breathes deeply]
Here we go.
[Slaps desk]
Whole $800.
B-But wait. 
I mean, how long are we gonna go?
This is it.
And you go first this time.
All right.
That's okay.
I'm locked in now.
How the hell did you hit three in a row?
I mean, I got lucky there, but, you know, I am a scratch, so...
Wait a minute.
You really are a scratch golfer?
- Yeah.
- Well, this is bullshit, then!
JOE:
What do you mean?
I told you.
No, but if you're really a scratch, you got to say that.
You got to say, "hey, before we bet,
"I'm really a scratch.
No, really.
I'm really a scratch"!
[Chuckling] I said I'm a scratch.
Joe, if I said my dick was a foot long, would you think it was really a foot long?
Well, l-l-I would know that it's pretty big.
Not a foot long, Joe!
If it was a foot long, I'd take it out and show you.
Look, forget about it.
Just take the... keep the money, all right?
I don't... you know, we were just playing around.
No, I'm not gonna keep the money.
You tricked me, and I lost it.
JOE:
L-I didn't trick you.
Hey, take it easy.
MANFRO:
I'd be doing this shit if I had a foot-Iong dick?
- Listen, you've been very nice.
- I'm sorry...
In terms of resale and trade-in, the Malibu holds its value better than any other car in its class.
Oh, he's in trouble now.
Very, very much so.
LAWRENCE: [as Owen] So, uh, why don't I start the paperwork?
MARCUS: [as Mrs. Michaelman] That, that, that's okay.
We're gonna keep looking.
[As Mr. Michaelman] You know, we really should get going.
You know, your man boobs, scaring my wife.
Okay, um... let me at least give you my card.
It's in here somewhere.
Uh, oh, no, that's roast beef.
No, here it is.
Why don't you just keep it?
You know, really?
Uh, your nipples are sweating through your shirt.
I can get you very attractive financing!
[As Mrs. Michaelman] Is it me, honey, or is he sweaty?
[Sighs]
Well... time to eat a cake.
[Snorts]
[Marcus clears throat]
There he is.
LAWRENCE:
Hey, uh, why don't you use some of this to lure those people back?
You might hate me, but would you hate a... bear claw?
MARCUS:
No, he needs those.
Losing sales burns a lot of energy.
LAWRENCE:
Mm-hmm. 
Right?
Kiss my ass.
SENIOR:
I got customers walking in the door.
I got a sales force in here blabbing.
Owen.
Why don't we let Marcus take the point on this... and you can finish chewing?
You got crumbs all over you.
Joe, hold up a second.
What's up?
Roll the window down.
What's going on?
I've been waiting out here a while.
I want to apologize.
- For what?
- "For what"?
Getting all hairy on you there.
Ahh. 
You're fine.
No, I had no right.
I shouldn't have gotten mad like that.
I apologize.
Okay?
- I apologize.
- Okay.
Bottom line, I want to make it up to you.
I'm gonna get us a tee time over at Riverton Pines.
Hey, no. 
You don't got to do that, really.
You don't...
you don't got to.
You know, Riverton Pines is a private course.
You got to be a member there.
What do you mean?
I am a member.
Riverton Pines?
Wow.
Why "wow"?
What? 
You're surprised they take "my kind"?
Is that what you're saying?
No.
[Sighs] All right, look.
I'm gonna get us a tee time tomorrow, and we're gonna have some fun.
All right.
Should be fun.
- All right!
- Yeah.
Pick you up at 7:00?
- All right.
- Too early?
Still jerking off?
[Chuckles]
No, I'm done jerking off by 7:00.
Me too.
All right, see you at 7:00.
All right.
No jeans.
Got it.
[Engine turns over]
[Indistinct conversations]
Wow. 
This is quite a place.
His bathroom is even bigger than ours.
Of course it is.
And where'd he get that nice antique armoire?
It came with it.
They threw it in with all the other shit that falls in his lap, because he's the "lucky shit" man.
[Chuckles]
And that must be...
OWEN:
Yep. 
Yep.
She is pretty hot.
"Lucky shit" man.
TERRY:
All right, here we go, everybody!
My homemade moussaka.
OWEN:
Ah, moussaka!
[Crowd murmuring]
[Chuckling] Help yourselves, all right?
Oh, hey.
[Door closes] Hey, you made it.
- How you doin'?
- Terry.
- How you doin'?
- Good, good.
Nothing more romantic than a dead lady's apartment.
- You're still on that?
- Yes, he is.
OWEN:
Oh, man!
One thing this boy can do is cook!
Mm!
Oh, hey, uh, Dori, this is Owen.
Owen, Dori.
Don't get food on her.
Pleasure.
[Laughs]
Nice to meet you.
Look, Joe, if it'll make you feel better, in Alice's honor, I kept a few of her pictures around.
Yeah.
You know, right now,
Alice is just floating above all this, going, "really, God, that dick got my apartment?"
[Laughter]
Look, I, uh, I made some homemade cider.
Give me a hand, "O."
Mm.
[Chuckles]
You really got to try this.
Yeah, we believe you.
Go. 
Chew. 
Chew, man.
Yeah.
[Chuckling]
Hey, this is only our third date.
You already heard me call Terry a dick.
No, I think you did that on our first date.
- Yeah, well, he wasn't there.
- True.
Hey, well, maybe later, I'll call him a dick.
I would love that.
Don't tease me.
- [Laughs] - [Chuckles]
This is stupid good.
Big man.
Slow down.
[Scoffs] Come on.
TERRY:
Cider, man.
Come on, I need your help.
Cider.
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
Mm-mm!
[Smooching]
Wait right here.
I'm gonna pepper spray him next time.
[Both chuckle]
Well, I'm... 
I'm Melissa.
Oh. 
Annie.
JOE:
You know, it's weird.
I mean, it's... it's her wedding day.
She's not thinking she's ever gonna die.
Not there.
Not at that moment.
You know?
Nobody knows.
Let's get you a drink.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
[Both laugh]
All right.
[Owen grunting]
Okay, everybody!
All right, I just...
Thank you.
I just want to say a few things.
Uh, first of all...
Um, there's some homemade cider over there.
It packs a little punch, so be careful.
It kicks ass, people!
I'm going in hard, so get it while you can, bitches!
[Laughter]
TERRY:
Okay. 
Okay.
I just wanted to say, also, how great it is that you could all be here to, uh, join me in, uh... the new abode.
Um, someone... 
Robert Frost...
David Frost...
Frosty the Snowman...
I don't know, exactly... somebody once said that a house doesn't become a home until one fills it with friends.
Tonight, this place became my home.
Hey. 
Hear, hear.
[Chuckles] Nice.
Now. 
Call him it now.
I look at this as a new beginning, the start of a new journey.
You changing your commute?
Actually, no, I think I'm gonna go with no commute.
This new arrangement allows me to sort of back off on the accounting gig, so...
We're gonna miss him.
[Laughs]
Well, that's great, Terry.
So you can focus on your acting now, yeah?
Yeah, sure.
Although to be honest, you know, there are a number of passions I'd like to explore.
MELISSA:
Really?
TERRY:
Yeah, you know, I don't know.
We'll see.
What's great is, now [chuckles] I can finally relax.
[Chuckling] You have no idea how much work it takes to be an out-of-work actor.
[Laughs]
Come on, we'll do it together.
Ready?
[Chuckles]
TERRY:
Anyway... it's just gonna be great to, you know, just... [sighs] Take things a little easier, without all the... pressure.
MELISSA:
So, uh, what are some of these passions you might explore?
Wow. 
Um... maybe really get the photography thing going.
Do some writing.
Maybe a combination of both.
Or... 
Watercolors?
You know, I haven't gotten that specific yet.
[Laughs]
[Sighs] Wow, you guys really hated that moussaka.
Here.
[Chuckling] Let me get a new dish.
Nailed it.
[Chuckling]
MELISSA:
[Clears throat]
OWEN:
[Clears throat]
Watercolors.
Yeah, he's messed up.
[Both chuckle]
And that Annie...
she can't be more than 30.
OWEN:
She's 25.
Oh, my God.
Oh. 
Here sorry.
Thanks, Stella.
Really is hard to watch him go on that way.
Because he really could do something with his life.
I know.
That's a nice apartment, though.
[Chuckles] I'm going to bed.
I'm gonna watch a little bit of TV.
MELISSA:
Oh. 
Okay.
I'll see you in a minute.
[Knocking]
TERRY:
Hang on!
[Exhales]
Give me a second.
Shelly.
I'm sorry to bother you so early like this, Terry, but there's this awful smell and sludge coming through the drain in my shower.
I think it might be poo.
Huh.
You better call a plumber right away.
Okay.
A-And I'm supposed to be at the motor vehicle office at 8:00 for the new picture for my driver's license.
Could I use your shower?
S... 
Sure.
Okay. 
Yeah.
- Thanks so much.
- Come on in. 
Yeah.
Just right, uh... right...
right through there.
Okay.
Morning.
Your father is such a nice man.
I can't believe the key would just snap off like that.
It happens with some of these old locks.
Okay, here are your keys.
You've got two spares.
I'd give one to someone you trust who lives nearby, like a neighbor or...
Hey, Terry.
Can you hang onto this for me?
- Uh, yeah, sure.
- Thanks, man.
Uh, you know, I'm not always gonna be here to...
- Here you go.
- I...
ELISSA:
Hi. 
Are you the new manager guy?
I need you to fi...
- Just one sec.
- Just real quick.
No, just a sec.
Um, okay, so...
I'll have the landlord send you a check?
You don't have a check?
Fine.
Send it to me.
But I know where you live, and I can get into any of these units.
[Chuckles]
Dude...
Hi.
I just put $2 into that big dryer down there, and it won't get hot.
Can you, um, fix that?
L-I don't think I have the right tools.
[Sighs] Okay, well... 
It's broken.
Okay.
Um... 
You know what?
I'll...
I'll call somebody.
Actually, you know what I was thinking?
What would be great is if you set up a clothesline, run it from one balcony to the other.
That'd be so much better for the environment, you know?
Plus, it'll look like Florence.
[Chuckles] Yeah. 
Um...
I'm Elissa, Unit 7.
I am pro clothesline.
Oh, Terry!
Terry, the sanitation company...
uh, Terry?
Terry, the... [knock on door] Terry.
[Water running]
Keep your backswing a little shorter than your follow-through, also.
MANFRO:
Okay.
JOE:
That's a good one.
WAGS:
Sorry, man, no women permitted till after 2:00.
Funny.
You know what?
They also have a "no douchebags" policy.
Here you are.
Ohh.
Hey, uh, Joe, douchebags.
Douchebags, Joe.
Uh, hey.
- Wags.
- Hey, Joe.
- Ski-bo.
- Hey.
I invited these two humps to join us.
Hope that's cool, Joe.
Yeah, no, sure.
How you want to do this?
I think we should play teams.
You guys are both like a 12 handicap, right?
I'm a 14, and Joe here, he's good.
He's like a 10, so that's perfect.
- Okay. 
Nassau?
- How much?
How much can you lose and not throw clubs?
[Chuckles]
Let's start with $500, see what happens.
All right, good deal.
Let's get going.
The guys ahead of us hit already.
All right.
What the hell's going on?
Looks like we're about to win a thousand bucks off a pair of assholes.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Come on, I didn't agree to this.
Joe, we're just doing a little golfing, along with a little gambling.
And from what I remember, you're a fan of both.
Yeah, this is a scam.
You told them I'm a 10 handicap.
[Sighs]
I don't want to do this.
Don't get all high and mighty.
You scammed me pretty good the other day.
That wasn't a scam!
Who cares?
I'm putting up the money.
All you got to do is hit the ball and look pretty.
And by the way, if it helps, these assholes are pricks.
Actual pricks.
I ain't being funny.
Took a bunch of my mom's IRA money, put it in some hedge-fund thing, now it's worth shit.
Never apologized or anything.
So they deserve it.
Quit whining, and let's put our balls in the air.
[Exhales sharply]
That's a golf term, Joe.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
Look at me.
Don't be a pussy.
Focus.
[Gear shifts]
MELISSA:
Jamie?
Owen.
Owen, Owen, Owen.
Wake up. 
Wake up.
- What the hell?
- I can't find Jamie.
[Exhales] What?
MELISSA:
He... he's not in his bed.
He's not in the bathroom.
He's not in the playroom.
I do not know where he is.
Jamie!
- Jamie?
!
- Jamie?
!
Jamie?
!
Jamie?
[Sighs] Jamie?
Come here.
Look at this.
[Both sigh]
Jamie.
Jamie, wake up.
[Grunts]
What are you doing under here, sweetie?
[Grunts]
[Breathes deeply]
Why do you have this?
[Clatter]
[Camera clicks shut]
So, so, what were you...
what were you thinking?
Huh? 
Sneaking around at night.
You worried your mother half to death.
And who do you think you are, taking my camera without permission?
I hope, for your sake, it's not broken.
Go on, get in your room. 
Go on.
But, daddy, I was just try...
You were just nothing.
You were just nothing, okay?
Just, go ahead, get in your room.
Right now.
I'm gonna go, uh, put this away.
[Knock on door]
MR. FISHER:
Terry?
Hello?
[Knocking continues]
Terry?
I think he's still in there.
He hasn't been out since this morning.
[Loud voice] Uh, okay.
Well, I guess I'll have to come back later.
Yeah, let's go.
Hey [chuckles] Mr. Fisher.
- That was weird.
- Mm-hmm.
I mean, I was, uh, you know, doing some stretching... you know, downward dog...
that's why I was down there, and then I... a-anyway, h-how are you guys?
Yeah, Terry, I...
I tried to get a hold of you before, and I guess you didn't hear me, 'cause you were in a big hurry, and I didn't want to bother you, but the, uh, sanitation company keeps,
uh, putting the dumpster back right in front of my parking space.
And it's too big for me to move.
I try to tell them about it, they don't seem to care.
So I am fed up.
Oh.
- You want me to talk to them?
- Yeah.
Y-You don't happen to have their phone number, do you?
I believe it's on the dumpster.
Yeah, okay.
All right, I'll get on that.
I thought Alice was useless.
This guy really takes the cake.
[Grunts]
[Knocking on window]
Hey.
- What's up, Ter?
- Uh...
Please don't tell me we need the Roto-Rooter guy again.
He was just here.
No, no. 
No, no, no.
Everything's great.
Building's great.
I am loving the job.
Okay.
Although I wanted to bounce something off you.
Kind of an adjustment in the way that I would approach the job.
I think ideally, I guess, what would be best is if I could have access to that apartment, but not be as involved in the, you know, the day-to-day management of the whole building.
That's just not the way it's done.
[Chuckling] Well, s-sure, I...
You know, Terry, it strikes me as a little odd this job is too much for you.
I mean, the last manager was 80 years old.
Yeah, well, you know,
I mean, maybe because Alice was 80, the other tenants, you know, they just held back.
But, you know, now they got a young guy in there, and they're just going to town.
Out of curiosity, what would it cost me to just rent that apartment and not manage the building?
$3,000 a month.
Wow.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, then, I guess I'll just... just gonna move back into my old place.
Can't do that, 'cause I already rented it out.
Somebody's moving in next week.
So, you can quit managing and pay the rent or move out.
Okay?
[Engine turns over]
Nice shot, partner.
You too, bro.
That was a great shot from where you were.
Where are you?
Lost mine in the trees.
I'm out of the hole.
We got to get it going.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Joe.
What's going on?
You said you were scratch.
I am a scratch.
All right? 
Just... [sighs]
I don't like scamming them, all right?
It's affecting me.
We're not scamming anybody.
You know what's a scam?
You saying you're scratch playing like a bowl of piss.
I'm feeling a little pressure here, okay?
I'm just not great...
Under pressure.
If you got to know, that's what... that's how I crapped out of ever being a pro.
[Scoffs] You were a pro.
I was actually on the mini tour a long time ago.
A little while, that's all.
That's what got me.
Everybody's great under no pressure.
And then when you have a little pressure, only some people are great.
All right, all right.
I get it.
I'll tell you what.
Just relax.
Pressure's off.
All right.
[Whistling]
Take your time, Joe.
[Both chuckling]
[Sighs]
Aw, come on, Joe!
That time, there was no pressure.
I see what you're doing wrong, Joe.
I'd be happy to tell you after the round.
Yeah.
- [Both chuckling] - [Sighs]
- What the hell?
- Where'd that ball come from?
Manfro, did you throw that just to screw with him?
That's uncool, man.
No, but if that's what it takes to win,
I'm gonna do it every hole.
It came from over there somewhere.
Dicks can't yell "fore"?
That's bullshit!
Hey, that happens all the time.
It was an accident.
You mind, Joe?
I'm putting here.
Let the man putt, Joe.
- Yeah, dog!
- Hoo hoo hoo!
MAN:
Excuse me.
Do you maybe see a ball come over here?
Yeah, um...
No. 
No, we didn't see a ball.
MAN:
Okay, have a good game.
- Sorry to bother you.
- Thank you.
- Buh-bye.
- Bye.
Yeah, we no see your ball.
So sorry.
Yeah, maybe you yell "fore!" Next time.
[Both chuckling]
You already lost the hole.
Yeah, I know.
I just want to make this one.
Let him practice.
Ain't gonna matter right?
Oh, sure.
Now you make it, Joe.
Great.
Great timing.
Okay, listen, the whole left side's out of bounds here.
I'm thinking, the way you're hitting, you might want to use an iron instead of a driver.
I'll be okay with this.
Driver was definitely the club.
JOE:
Yeah.
MANFRO:
Tried to cut the corner?
It's gonna hit the tree.
It's going over the tree.
It's over the tree.
You overshot it.
No, I didn't.
Yeah!
MANFRO:
Oh, good shot, Joe!
That's gonna be nice.
Yeah!
That's ridiculous.
Don't worry about that, Joe.
I got that.
[Knock on door]
Hey.
Hey.
Um, look, I'm sorry about eating all that junk.
I know you hate that.
But, um, I got to say, l-I think it's a control issue.
I really do.
I mean, think about it.
I have no control in my life.
I got a house that's too small and too unfinished.
And at work, everything I do is on somebody else's schedule.
You know, I show up when my dad says,
I take a break or eat or pee basically when he says it's okay.
And really the only time that I have control is... is when I eat.
And for me, to have someone try to control what I put in my mouth is very... tough, emotionally.
I see.
Yeah, so, anyway, something good might actually, um... come from Jamie catching me with his little candid camera like that 'cause I'm really...
I'm really gonna try harder not to eat bad stuff.
Okay?
Yeah, all...
all that is valid.
But do you understand why your son did what he did?
I mean, do you think that he really wanted to catch you?
He's afraid his father is going to die.
You think that's gonna go away if I go out there and say to him,
"Daddy's gonna try a little harder"?
Hey, bud.
Do you mind, um, turning that off for a minute?
Let me save it.
Listen, bud.
I'm really sorry I yelled at you this morning.
And... and I'm so sorry that you feel like you have to videotape me.
I'm making a promise to you right now, okay?
I'm going to eat right.
Daddy's gonna be healthy.
And that's a promise.
And you know that daddy never breaks a promise.
Right?
Yeah.
[Grunts] There we go.
[Grunting]
I caught you.
[Laughs]
Yeah. 
Yeah, you did.
Look where your ball mark is, Joe.
You almost holed that sucker.
Yeah. 
Held up in the wind a little.
Come on, big Joe.
Make it, we tie.
Miss it, you lose.
[Chuckles]
Yeah!
Suck on that!
Oh, yeah, that's the way the boy does it!
It's a tie, Manfro.
Relax.
Yeah, but you had us dead in the water.
We came back, douchie.
Wait, wait, wait.
We got to have a sudden-death tiebreaker.
Back to the tee.
One hole.
As our Chinese friends say, "so sorry."
Yeah, we got to go.
We got a conference call.
Give me some, bro.
[Scoffs] "Conference call."
They got to go empty the "scared shit" out of their pants.
Damn right, Joe.
[Grunts] Way to go.
I'd kiss you, but I know you'd get all weird on me.
Man, we almost beat those pricks.
Yeah, it was fun to watch them squirm.
You're legit, Joe.
You really could play serious golf.
Yeah, I know it looks that way,
- but it's like I told you...
- No, no, no.
If pressure's your bugaboo, you just kicked it.
I think I just kind of got pissed off.
That's how you deal with it.
Whenever you're under pressure, picture two douchebags insulting an Asian guy.
[Chuckles]
Come on, you're almost 50, right?
Get out there on that senior tour.
JOE:
Naw.
Come on, Joe.
You really want to be filling up balloons the rest of your life?
[Car beeping]
You know, it's funny that you mention that, 'cause...
I've been thinking recently... why this thing happened, and...
Did you ever see a dead person?
Where's this going?
[Chuckles]
No.
No, I saw a dead lady.
You know, and then I saw pictures of her when she was younger, and...
I just started thinking, like, what'd she do with her life?
You know, did she do everything she wanted to do?
'Cause life is short.
Yeah, it's touching, Joe.
I don't know whether to cry or punch you.
[Engine turns over] Hey.
Don't put this off.
It's not like you can do it when you're 80.
Yeah.
So check it out, boys.
Look what daddy's eating...
tomatoes.
Mmm.
No need to spy on daddy because he's a trustworthy, healthy eater.
That's right!
And we can now use the video camera only... for birthday parties and school plays, 'cause we know that daddy's gonna eat right.
Mm-hmm.
Can I have some of those tomatoes, please?
- Oh, sure.
- See?
MARCUS:
Hey, there he is!
There he is, the "no willpower having sugar sneaker," huh?
Seriously, what is this shit?
I don't always agree with Melissa, but when she asked for a little help in monitoring your sugar intake, I thought, "you know what?
"People around here are getting a little too soft in the middle, anyway."
So enjoy.
All right, I'm going on a doughnut run.
Anybody want to come?
OWEN:
Yeah, you guys enjoy that.
I got my treats right here.
And by the way, Lawrence?
What this is, is delicious jicama.
Hmm? 
Jicama.
Your wife sucks.
[Sighs]
# Makin' a living the old hard way #
# Takin' and giving by day by day #
# I dig snow and rain and the bright sunshine #
# Draggin' the line # # Draggin' the line #
# My dog Sam eats purple flowers #
# We ain't got much but what we got's ours #
# We did snow, and rain, and the bright sunshine #
It's so nice!
I can't believe how fast you did it.
Hey, Shelly.
What do you think of the new and improved courtyard?
Very nice.
[Chuckles]
It's beautiful.
It felt good to get it all done.
You know, people forget the value of work for its own sake.
Like I like to say, the journey is the thing.
You do like to say that.
[Chuckles]
What?
The journey.
You do like to say that.
Ha ha ha.
SHELLY:
Terry!
Yeah, Shel.
My shower is still getting some poo.
[Chuckles]
[Sighs]
Do you want to get that?
I'm okay.
I'm just gonna stay here.
Okay.
Just lucky I guess, Shelly!
[Sighs deeply]
[Sighs]
10 in a row.
Senior tour.
One.
[Ball thuds]
Shit.
[Ball rattles in can]
[Ball rattles in can]
[Ball rattles in can]
Five.
It's okay I go home?
Yeah. 
Yeah, go ahead, Carlos.
[Laughs]
Uh, you... you miss.
[Chuckles]
Yeah, yeah, I missed.
Good night.
Yeah, good night, Carlos.
[Exhales sharply]
[Ball rattles in can]
One.

The human eye, one of the most powerful instruments on Earth.
On a clear day, we can spot the smallest detail in the widest view.
But what the eye sees is not the full picture.
Alongside the world we see is a very different world.
An invisible world of hidden forces and powers.
That shapes every aspect of life on Earth.
Now technology can open a door on that hidden world, revealing its mysteries and showing us the true wonder of the world we live in.
Sunday morning in the heart of town.
This square looks pretty calm and quiet, but it's not.
The place is alive, it's teeming with activity.
Our world stops there.
The eye of a needle held at arm's length is pretty much the limit of human vision.
Anything smaller is invisible.
But that doesn't mean it isn't there.
Beyond the limits of our eyes there's an amazing microworld.
A world of such power, it shapes our whole planet.
Take these things, microchips.
These days they're inside half the stuff we own and as the technology moves on, they're being made smaller and smaller.
But by entering the invisible microworld, we can manufacture on a mind-bogglingly tiny scale.
Engineering is going molecular.
Everything that exists is made up of atoms.
Its properties depend upon how those atoms are arranged.
If you rearrange the atoms in coal, you get diamond.
But manufacturing is very crude at the atomic level.
It's like playing with Lego, but with gloves on.
Nanotechnology is finally allowing us to take the gloves off and it's going to revolutionise our world.
This is a factory of the future.
It operates at a scale so miniscule that even the smallest speck of dirt could ruin everything.
Which is why I've got to dress up like a cartoon sperm.
Now, I'm all for cleanliness.
If I turn up at somebody's house,
I might wipe my feet before walking in.
But here through those doors is a world where cleanliness takes on a whole new meaning.
If I take a single speck of dust in there,
I'd be as popular as if I'd walked a pig farm into someone's brand new carpet.
The machines in here allow engineering on a barely imaginable scale.
For some of their work, they need Britain's most powerful microscope just to see what they're doing, it really is that small.
So, how small can I go?
Here's the plan.
What I'm going to try and do is etch the title of this series on to an area 100 times narrower than the width of a single hair.
We put a strand of my hair in the machine.
There it is.
I'm looking for a good spot.
Big enough to write 'Invisible World' onto.
We're going to work on just one section, on one scale of a single strand of human hair.
That's a platelet of hair.
That is mind-blowing.
Type in a...
Invisible Worlds!
It's weird, because what I'm about to start is very small, and yet I feel like it's a very big moment.
OK, here we go.
Oh, my God! 
There it is.
That's astonishing.
In an instant the machine has carved away just a few hundred atoms to form the words.
So, just to get an idea of how tiny it is, that's tiny on the width of a piece of hair.
It's about half a micron wide.
A hair is at least 50 microns wide.
It's incredibly tiny.
So that's the title of this series written on a tiny piece across the width of this hair.
And in fact each of these letters is about maybe 1,000 atoms wide.
To put that into context, if I were to write every letter of every word of every page of every book in your average library, at that scale I could fit the entire collection on the end of this pen.
That's very, very small and very, very clever.
Of course, there isn't really all that much call for an entire library on the end of a pen, but engineering on this tiny scale could bring medical breakthroughs and a manufacturing revolution.
And is letting us mimic some of nature's extraordinary micro-designs.
Nature has had hundreds of millions of years to perfect her designs, but now with machines like those in there, we might be able to copy them.
Just think of the amazing possibilities, some of the incredible things you see in nature might finally be within our grasp.
You might think the massive machinery of the space programme would have little need to copy nature's miniature marvels.
But harnessing the microscopic world is helping NASA tackle one of its biggest problems.
Dust.
Yep, dust.
The first thing we did was to set up the American flag on a pole and this is a picture of me taken by Alan Shepard.
And you can see I've only been out just a few minutes and the dust is starting to already accumulate below the knee on the space suit.
And the longer you're out, the more you accumulate.
Mitchell and Shepard hiked three miles across the moon, further than any other astronauts.
And like all Apollo missions, they discovered that space dust isn't like dust on Earth.
With no atmosphere to smooth it, it turns out to be fine as flour, but rough as sandpaper.
Abrasive and jagged, it cuts through fabrics, clogs up machinery and even punctures air seals.
Which is bad.
It was causing problems for breathing and clogging up vent systems and air conditioning systems.
It was impossible to get off.
NASA has spent years searching for a solution to this dusty problem and now they think they've found one.
Here back on Earth.
Specifically in lakes, riverbanks and forests.
And if you want to be really specific, it's deep in the invisible microworld of a lotus leaf.
Instead of trying to create something new, we said the best place to start is nature.
So what we started doing was looking at the lotus leaf.
Dr Wanda Peters leads a team at NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center looking into a special property of this amazing leaf.
If you look at a lotus leaf with just your visible eyes, it just looks like any other leaf.
It's a nice green, it looks like a waxy exterior.
But in one respect, this leaf is unique.
The lotus leaf just doesn't get dirty.
Nothing can stick to its surface.
Water just rolls off and it takes any dirt with it.
The secret of its astonishing self-cleaning act lies far beyond our normal vision.
The structure that's going zig-zagged across, that's one of the veins in the leaf.
You can see that with your naked eye.
But when you increase the magnification, you have spots that you see actually protruding out of the surface of the leaf.
The human hair is about 60 microns, so that's about this wide.
Keep zooming in on the leaf and you can see just how intricate nature's design really is.
The peaks and valleys are themselves covered in tiny hairs.
When you're just looking at a lotus leaf with the naked eye, you would never believe that you would see a surface looking that smooth that can actually be that rough.
The hairs of a lotus leaf's surface keep water and dirt suspended above it.
Less than 1% of this water droplet actually touches the leaf.
Its natural self-cleaning ability has inspired NASA's team to try to replicate it.
To show us what they've achieved,
Wanda has put on some special NASA gloves.
And they're about to test them.
She's treated one of these tiles with a coating based on the microscopic rough texture of the lotus leaf.
If you look at them side by side, there's really no difference between the coated surface and uncoated surface.
So, to the dust test.
The untreated tile.
And look at that. 
The treated tile just shrugs off dust.
'Three. 
Two. 
One.'
Now NASA is developing a stay-clean solution that could be applied to everything from the astronauts' suits to the shuttle itself.
And the lotus leaf secret isn't just for space.
Many of the inventions spearheaded by NASA - think Velcro, Teflon - have eventually made their way from space back down here where they've revolutionised our world.
The lotus leaf coating looks set to be no exception.
Watch this.
It absolutely flies off. 
Look.
That's astonishing.
I should be soaked.
I mean, look at that!
I could pour water on it all day and it just runs off, it makes no difference.
But it gets better.
Almost any surface could be coated like this, protecting us not just from a light soaking, but also from bacteria.
The lotus leaf is just one example of nature's microscopic marvels.
All around us nature has harnessed this invisible world to do truly remarkable things.
We're all used to keeping our feet on the ground.
But wouldn't it be great if we could defy gravity?
What I'm doing right now is pretty amazing.
It wouldn't be possible without an army of helpers.
Wouldn't it be great if we could do this for real with absolutely no outside assistance?
Well, there is an animal who can.
The gecko.
It can run up vertical surfaces and across ceilings and the secret to how it can do that is hidden in the microworld of the invisible.
So just how does the gecko defy gravity?
He may look like your average lizard - five inches long, scaly skin, all the usual lizard staff.
But there's nothing ordinary about his ability to cling tightly to any surface.
Pressed against a sheet of glass, his toes are splayed out to give maximum grip.
Each of them is no bigger than a fingernail.
But what exactly is it that's holding them on?
Could it be the claws?
It's puzzled scientists for years.
But it turns out scientists weren't looking closely enough.
On each tiny toe, there are a dozen parallel ridges, each with a soft velvet-like surface.
Microscopic photography reveals that the surface transforms into hundreds of thousands of tiny hairs.
But move in closer still, and they reveal a quite astonishing phenomenon.
At 100,000 times' magnification, suddenly you can see that each of these half-million hairs has itself split ends at the tip, which create even finer hairs.
10 million could fit on a pinhead.
And that's the secret.
The gecko has created a vast area in contact with the surface of the glass.
It's all to do with something called van der Waals force.
At the micro level this force pulls molecules together, a bit like magnets.
And the bigger the surface area, the greater the attraction.
It's a very weak bond over a single hair, but multiplied by 10 million or more and it's incredibly strong.
So strong it can take 10 times the gecko's body weight to prise the animal off a surface.
And in fact, the gecko has had to develop a unique toe-curling method to unstick himself time and time again.
We all know small is beautiful.
It turns out it can be really rather clever as well and it's only when we drop into the world of the invisible that we realise just how awesome some of the things we take for granted really are.
The Humber Bridge, completed in 1981, it's one of the longest single span suspension bridges in the world.
But if you think the bridge is a masterpiece of structural engineering, then up here you'll find an engineering miracle.
The spider's web, unchanged in over 100 million years, and one of nature's most successful designs.
I don't particularly like spiders and therefore by association spider's webs either.
But get past that and speed things up and suddenly we're watching a master architect at work.
First he uses one type of silk to spin a cross and connect the primary strands of the web, creating the spokes.
That's what gives the structure strength.
Next he turns back on himself and uses a different type of silk, a particularly sticky type of silk, to spin the lethal trap for any insect that touches it.
Job done, a free zone is left at the hub and now he sits and waits.
Researchers the world over are trying to discover the microscopic secrets of a spider's web.
OK. 
What I'm doing now is purely in the interests of science, really not because I want to.
'To study one, first you've got to catch one.'
OK.
Urgh!
Right, good.
It's lovely, I like it.
So...
Ohh...
Right. 
This is a nightmare. 
I'm in a greenhouse full of spiders' webs.
Ohhh!
OK.
She's moving.
She's definitely moving. 
Ah!
Ah! 
She's moved!
OK, a simple act, just in, catch.
What's the best holiday you've ever been on?
This is it, going in.
Let's not make a big thing about it.
Tom.
This is actually the tough role in this job.
Oh, God! 
Oh!
Yeah, I could have done that.
I could have done that.
We've got her and I bet you were glad I was here to help.
Let's go out now.
Do you want to open the door?
OK, thank you. 
Go, go.
Now we've caught our spider, the next step is to...
why?
You're hiding something aren't you? 
Come here!
there are many stars in the sky.
Dad.
What do you think about me dating Joon Gu?
Joon Gu?
Why? 
Did something happen?
I was just saying "What if
What if that's the case.
What if?
what if that's the case.
who knows?
!
I didn't like him much because he was rough on the edges and all..
He's like a man.
he really focuses.
As a chef I think he's great.
he really likes you Ha Ni.
so there's nothing not to like.
Is that so?
I guess Seung Jo's getting married?
Yes.
It's that girl who came to the restaurant?
I feel like I've made an unwise decision.
We shouldn't have moved back in no matter how much they tried to convince me.
You know.
it will get strange.
It'll get uncomfortable between people. 
We won't even be able to talk.
Seung Jo.. 
Well Oh Ha Ni was a really good lady. it was a good opportunity.
Yeah.
right?
Joon Gu!
At the restaurant?
isn't it?
What are you doing on your day-off alone?
I'm making a new menu. 
Can you come by after school?
then I want to officially present it to the chef.
okay?
These little punks.. 
What are you doing?
!
Get up quickly! 
Move it!
can we not rest for a while?
What did you do so that you can rest?
Training does not stop. 
Never stop!
It's supposed to rain tomorrow morning. 
Are we doing this tomorrow too?
Huh?
You crazy jerk!
Why would it rain on a day like this?
! 
I'll be my life savings and my left hand that it doesn't rain!
Hurry and get up and stop with the nonsense.
Hurry!
You're the same.
Aigoo! 
Hey!
Seung Jo! 
It's really been a long time.
I've heard about your father. 
Is he alright now?
he got through it.
Oh! 
That's a relief!
the girls don't come as well.
Look at this! 
It's full of men. 
Aigoo really.
let's play a game.
I came to clean out my locker today.
I don't think I'll be able to come for a while.
Something must be wrong with you. 
What kind of freshman is that busy?
I don't see the ball boy today.
Ball boy?
Ahhh. 
Ha Ni?
She's always skipping these days. 
She must be busy dating that guy who works in the cafetaria.
These little punks! 
What are you doing?
! 
Move it!
This is our school's tennis court.
the tennis court where Ha Ni suffered and got ignored a lot?
Yeah. 
This is the place.
huh?
oh. 
Practicing..
Oh! 
Baek Seung Jo!
Why are you here?
Shouldn't I be asking you that?
Ah. 
That's right.
we heard you're getting married.
With Yoon Hae Ra?
isn't Ha Ni meeting up with Bong Joon Gu?
Yeah! 
Bong Joon Gu is making something really yummy for her.
Bong Joon Gu is so great!
I know! 
Who knew he'd even ask her to marry him?
Is she responding today?
that's right! 
That's why she dressed up so nicely.
Then won't Ha Ni be the first one to get married?
Ah I know!
quite funny teasing...haha..^^
So Pal Bok noodles.
Eat more of this.
I'm full.
How can you be full already? 
I prepared a lot.
Next time.
But these are really delicious.
Be sure to tell Dad. 
It'll be a jackpot.
Is that so?
Drink this. 
It's plum juice. 
You'll digest nicely.
you're really great.
It seems like your cooking skills have gotten better than my dad's.
Aigoo what are you talking about?
I still have a long way to go to be like Chef.
I do feel good.
My heart is beating.
It's raining really hard.
Here...
Ha Ni..
Huh?
What I said last time..
I didn't just say it.
Have you thought about it?
But.. 
I..
A little more ti..
It still can't be?
I'm talking about Seung Jo.
He even went on a marriage meeting. 
You can't get rid of your feelings yet?
more than that..
Ha Ni..
what do you like so much about him?
I told you last time. 
I'm a house.
I'll be always there.
But you can't use it anymore.
Joon Gu...
Are you ok?
are you ok?
I really like you!
Joon Gu..
Ha Ni..
Joon Gu don't do this!
Joon Gu!
Don't be like this.
don't do it.
I told you not to do it! 
Joon Gu!
I guess..
That it can't be me.
Joon Gu.
I am really no good. he only ended up getting hurt.
it can't be anyone?
-What are you doing here? 
-What do you mean? 
Isn't it obvious?
There's no chance that you'd take an umbrella with you.
were you waiting for me?
Are you coming from meeting that guy?
Which answer did you give him?
Huh?
I heard he asked you to marry him.
Why?
I can't do that?
which answer you gave him. it's none of your business.
That's right.
I... am going to move out.
I've talked with my father about it.
I'm going to get in your way.
It's a relief that Joon Gu works so hard.
My dad likes him a lot too.
I should help my father at his restaurant with Joon Gu.
Do you like him?
Bong Joon Gu?
Of course I do.
he only likes me.
then you just like them like that too?
Why?
I can't do that?
I'm tired of having a crush now.
I want to see a guy that likes me. 
I like Joon Gu.
You..
You like me.
You can't like anyone but me.
that confidence?
Am I not right?
you are right!
I only like you.
So what am I supposed to do?
You don't ever see me. 
Someone like me...
♥ nice ♥ nice ♥
Don't say that you like another guy.
That's the second one.
Second what?
Kiss.
It's the third.
It's fine.
I'm not going to count anymore.
Okay.
☻keep☻smiling☻
Thanks 4 watching guyz...o_O re-edit and share our subtitles through whatever server...
There are actually results from having a crush for four years.
Get in.
You finally did it.
Then what about Bong Joon Gu?
You're faster than I thought. 
I knew that someday you'd find your true feelings.
But you're not having a hard time anymore?
I'm not.
It became fun.
what's wrong with you?
I wanted to call you "Father.
I wanted to call you "Father in law.
Congratulations on your marriage.
I'm sorry.
see you all soon....^^

Brought to you by HaruHaruSubs
Please do NOT hardsub/stream our English Subtitles on any streaming site
PLAYFUL KISS Episode 13
You came, Seung Jo.
Hello, Baek Seung Jo.
Take a seat.
You don't have to look so shock.
I had a shock too when I heard that the person I am meeting is you.
I will definitely not get married through blind dates.
That is what my grandfather promise me earlier.
But it seems rather amusing now.
I feel this way too.
I only knew it was you after Hae Ra told me about it.
Yes, we are classmates from the same field of study in the same school.
I was wondering why she agreed to this so easily.
It seems like Hae Ra and you are destined to be together.
Let's eat first.
Hae Ra, let's eat something good.
Yes, grandfather.
Choose some too, Seung Jo.
Yes.
Seung Jo does not like to eat oily food.
- Set B should be better and the quantity is just right too.
- I will choose that then.
The both of you are already behaving like a married couple within such a short time, agreeing with each other.
Don't feel uncomfortable here.
I will give my seat to the both of you very soon.
What are you saying? 
Are you leaving first?
I am not a stubborn old man who does not understand the situation.
Baek Seung Jo.
Seung Jo.
- Seung Jo.
- Mom.
Ha Ni, where did Seung Jo go?
- He went out.
- He went out already?
Yes, he say he is meeting someone in the afternoon.
He left wearing a really beautiful suit.
But what is the matter?
You got a shock right?
Yes, a little.
I think you left a very good impression on my grandfather.
Meet this friend of mine.
This is the first time he even allowed me to see the picture first.
Of course I didn't even take a look at it at first.
But my grandfather say he is the successor of a famous game software company.
And after I saw the picture, I realized it was really you.
Will you refuse to go if you were me?
Such an interesting event.
I really wanted to see your reaction.
How is it?
You looked very bitter.
Then?
What should I do now?
Is it a must for me to get married before he will invest?
With you?
Perhaps.
But, you don't want to right?
You are the one who doesn't want it, isn't it?
What are you doing? 
You are not a kid.
Do you have a handkerchief?
I don't think I do.
In a situation like this, I cannot disregard the game.
For the company, I have no choice but to agree to the blind date.
Of course I don't feel good about it.
But because the other person is you, I feel very lucky.
But you don't like it, right?
If it is because of a reason like this.
I really cannot imagine something like this coming from the mouth of Baek Seung Jo.
Is that so?
Life is really not an easy task.
It cannot be taken easily.
But I came out because of you.
After you came out, you felt lucky, because it was me.
But for me, I came out because the other party is you.
Even though I know clearly why you came out.
After I see that it is you, what I did is just because I am curious.
I didn't want to come actually.
But this morning,
I just wanted to doll myself up and meet you.
Can you feel that I really like you a lot?
But you do not have to worry.
Although there was a blind date,
I really don't want things to progress until that step.
Let us just seize the opportunity. 
For the both of us.
Let us try to start a relationship.
Okay.
Really? 
Really?
It's okay, do your best.
The people now only know Seung Jo on the surface.
If they get to know Seung Jo true self, they will definitely stay away from him.
He is heartless and boring.
He never treats any woman well.
How's uncle's situation?
He is feeling much better now.
I am home.
Let's have a chat, Baek Seung Jo.
Aren't you going to visit dad?
You can go first. 
We can have a chat the next time.
Look at that cold person. 
Who will like him?
You are the only person who can accept his bad temper totally.
Do your best, you get me?
You came home rather early.
Yes, can't I?
I heard that you went for a blind date.
Yes.
How did it go?
Do you know who it was?
Hae Ra.
I heard she's the grand daughter of the investing company.
Yes, it went well.
Will you, get married?
Get married?
I think I will.
Aren't blind dates for the sake of getting married?
Ha Ni.
Ha Ni.
Why is her expression like this?
Did something happen again?
Ha Ni, why do you look so pale?
Did Baek Seung Jo bully you again?
Were you kicked out from Seung Jo's company?
I am not feeling well.
I told him I will rest for a day.
Are you really not feeling well?
You should go to the hospital if you feel really unwell.
Why did you come to school instead?
It hurts here.
Why?
He may be getting married.
- Get married?
- Who? 
With who?
Is it Baek Seung Jo?
With who?
Yoon Hae Ra.
- What?
- Yoon Hae Ra?
Why is he getting married with Yoon Hae Ra suddenly?
Blind date.
She is the grand daughter of the investor of the company.
So this is what happen.
Yoon Hae Ra really is the perfect catch, isn't she?
So, they're getting married?
He said that it's good.
This is the first time Seung Jo said it.
This is great.
You can take this as an opportunity to forget about Baek Seung Jo totally.
You should have a relationship with other guys too.
How was your meeting with the Chairman's granddaughter?
Well.
I heard that the both of you know each other.
Yes, that is the case.
It seemed like Chairman Yoon was quite taken with you.
How is the preparation for the powerpoint needed for the meeting?
Yes, I am still working on it.
I shall take my leave.
Don't forget your meal even if you are busy. 
Hwaiting.
Imitating the tone as your girlfriend.
You have a message.
You took a day's leave without any valid reason.
The pay for today will be deducted from your salary.
Hello?
- This is really delicious.
- Really?
- You cooked the soup too?
- Of course, I cooked the soup too.
The mixed vegetables are also made by me.
This whole bowl is entirely cooked by me.
You are really fast.
Bong Joon Gu, you are really incredible.
I want you to be the first to try the noodle I make for the first time.
Washing my hands before I make the noodles and adjusting my mood.
I put in my best effort.
Who am I for you to do things like that?
Who are you, if it wasn't for you,
I would not even know how to wash my face or to brush my teeth.
Really, it's true.
Dressing myself up everyday and washing my hair everyday.
Learning how to cook diligently.
Just one sentence. 
Ha Ni, you are the reason I am living for.
Thank you.
What you just said makes me feel very important.
And this, is really very delicious.
Really cool and incredible, Bong Joon Gu.
Really?
If I am really so good, can you go out with me for a date for once?
It will be good if we can go on a date.
Okay, let's go on a date.
- What?
- Let's date, date.
Do you mean it seriously?
You are serious?
This is great, Ha Ni.
How will it turn out? 
How will the date be like?
Where is Oh Ha Ni?
- She went on a date.
- Date?
She even dolled herself up.
Red coat, red shoes.
She dressed up totally in red before going out.
Really?
I guess it is another person with weird interests.
Ha Ni, Ha Ni.
Here, here, here.
You reached early?
No, I reached here for three hours already.
What?
Did I remember the time wrongly for the date?
No, no, I kept staring at the time at home but the time doesn't seem to be moving.
So I just came here.
I see...
You really came. 
I am so touched.
Our Ha Ni looks exceptionally pretty today.
Where are we going to now?
Firstly, the basic steps for dates.
Let's watch a movie.
It is my wish to watch a movie with you.
Me too.
- I really wanted to watch this movie.
- Really? 
I knew you will like it.
Let's go.
They are selling popcorn over there.
Your popcorn.
Let's go.
My heart is beating very fast
Thinking only about you without any reason
When I want to forget about you
Eat this.
The familiar you appear in front of me suddenly
You are always so beautiful
How is it?
It is delicious.
I, for the whole of today
How is this?
Is all because of you
I am singing for you
I want to get married with you 1, 2, 3.
I want your kiss
I want to know your true feelings
Wear this.
I don't know how to express my feelings to you
I don't want.
Why? 
It is pretty.
I don't know how to express my feelings to you
Do you want to take a picture?
Let's take a picture.
Look at this.
Excuse me, can you help us take a photo?
My heart is beating very fast
It seems like the uncontrollable wind
- You wear it too.
- Wait, wait for a moment.
Disrupting my heart
My heart is beating very fast
It opens up because of you
- Get married?
- Yes.
They seem to be studying together in Parang University.
I think when they are in the 2nd year of high school
They met once during a tennis match.
- Yes.
- What is this other than fate?
If that is the case, how can there be a couple who met without fate?
Furthermore, talking about fate...
But our Seung Jo as well as Hae Ra have to finish their studies first.
Isn't it just studies? 
Can't they continue their studies after they get married?
Come to think of it, it is a good idea for the two of them to study overseas together.
After this two outstanding children get married, their children will be very outstanding too.
From my view as a business man, talent is very important.
One clever person can be better than a hundred normal people.
Then, Chairman Baek does not have to worry about financial problems.
You just have to focus on expanding your business.
Okay.
Baek Seung Jo, Yoon Hae Ra.
Laugh all you want while you can.
Because from today on, it'll be bad enough that you're even alive.
Interesting, continue.
I feel so full.
I'm prepared to treat dinner.
What are you thinking? 
The male are of course the ones treating on a date.
I had great fun today.
The movie is very nice too.
I had great fun too.
Today is one of the happiest day I ever had in my whole life.
Ha Ni, your look when you smile is the prettiest in the whole world.
If I can see your smile like this everyday
I will feel full even without having to eat.
What's wrong? 
Is there something on my face?
Then, is there anything weird about about me?
Thank you.
Ha Ni ah.
You are a really good person.
I knew this before but it felt stronger recently.
Ha Ni, have you been to the Han River before?
I have never been there at night before.
I didn't go there once since the day I came from Busan.
Do you want to take a look there?
Okay.
The scenery at night at Han River is so beautiful.
That's right.
You are feeling tired, right?
How is the invention of the game going on?
From what I heard from my grandfather, the idea is really good.
It is going on well, I plan to advance like how a frog does.
Frog?
Everyone is talking about 3D nonstop.
I want to pull away from 3D and make it something closer to 3D animation.
This idea is really good.
Everyone is researching on how to make it closer to reality.
But you want to make games with 3D animations.
What a different way of thinking.
It is that, thinking in the opposite direction.
Turning the weak points of a game into an advantage.
I want to do one with an animation.
There is a reason behind grandfather's good eyesight.
This is really suitable for you.
Have you been to our Jazz Bar before?
Ha Ni, Ha Ni, walk a little faster.
This is the Han River.
It is really beautiful.
Ha Ni, what is that?
That looks like a cafe.
Cafe?
Let's go to the cafe and admire the night scenery while we drink the coffee.
Okay.
Really? 
Let's go.
This cafe looks so pretty.
Ha Ni, this is the first time I ever come to a place like this.
Really?
Do you know? 
I have never been to a place like this till now.
I only see this kind of place on the television.
It is just too pretty.
Ha Ni, aren't you cold?
You should wear thicker clothes.
Baek Seung Jo.
Are you dating?
Why are you asking this?
The two of you seem to be having a lot of fun.
Yes, we are very happy.
Seoul is really small, we actually meet here.
That's right.
Do you want to come along?
We are going to the Jazz Bar now.
It is just a place for performances.
Jazz?
Why, don't make it difficult for them.
The two of you should go to places like the arcade.
Places like that will be more comfortable.
Are you looking down on us now?
We have ears too. 
We know how to appreciate music too.
That's right, you seem to know me better.
- Let's go some other places, Joon Gu.
- Okay.
Oh Ha Ni, the two of you really suit each other.
Really? 
Is that how it seems to be?
The two of you are destined to be together.
The two of you are very compatible too.
Let's go.
Goodbye.
Ha Ni.
This place is really beautiful.
Really beautiful.
Thank you for bringing me here.
Let's get married, the both of us.
Do you want to marry me?
What is the matter?
Don't I have hands?
Ha Ni will definitely say something like this if she's here.
Is that so?
Why do you treat Ha Ni so badly?
I don't know.
Am I being too weird?
I also want you to bully me like that.
Today past by without me knowing
I draw out your face quietly
Do you want to marry me?
Including your lips and your eyes
Bong Joon Gu
I think they are exceptionally cute today
I like you, but you like Seung Jo.
No matter how much I try
It has been like this for four years.
Although I can continue waiting like this,
Now I am trying to overlook everything but there is someone else beside Baek Seung Jo already, isn't there?
Even though I am determined to do so
Things like looking at his back silently.
Let's not do it anymore, Ha Ni.
But to me, I only have you
Just as long as you turn back.
You are someone irreplaceble
As long as you turn your head, you will be able to see me.
No one can replace you
But can you read my heart now?
Joon Gu.
Must I say that I love you?
Marry me, Ha Ni.
I want to know your feelings right now
I just want this only
I cannot imagine living everyday without you
It is so late already.
Will you accept my feelings?
What could they be doing?
Jazz Bar, they must be having lots of fun.
Why am I thinking of Baek Seung Jo again?
Ah, you're home?
Do you know what time it is?
It's 11.
What did you do?
You went on a matseon (blind date with the intent of marriage) without telling us.
And you went on a date today again?
What were you thinking?
What are you doing?
They said he's okay, so why are you doing this?
You don't need to do this. 
Your father's fine.
I'm not doing it because of Father.
Liar.
You're doing this because you want to benefit your father's business.
I do?
No way.
Are you that clueless about your own son?
Then... tell me the reason why you're seeing her?
Are you really that curious?
Because I like her.
What?
That's ridiculous.
That reason's enough, right? 
That should do it right?
You... 
Baek Seung Jo!
Ah!
Welcome home.
- You're getting in late.
- You're here early.
You seemed like you were having a good time.
Yeah, it was great.
He's fun, and considerate.
And he's not uptight like someone else I know.
It was nice.
Good for you then. 
Hope it lasts.
What?
!
Proposed?
!
Hey!
Bong Joon Gu is really something.
Marriage?
So what did you say to him?
What did you tell him?
!
I didn't say anything.
How could you?
I know that Joon Gu is a really great person
But he doesn't make me feel butterflies.
(T/N: 
Nervous)
Even when he proposed out of the blue.
I was shocked initially, but as time went by, it wasn't such a big deal anymore.
Hey, but even so, where will you ever find someone who thinks of you as much as Joon Gu does?
That's right!
If I were to be honest with you,
I think Bong Joon Gu would suit you better than Baek Seung Jo would, Ha Ni.
Ah, I thought you said that Baek Seung Jo's going to marry Yoon Hae Ra!
That's right, Ha Ni.
You should give this with Bong Joon Gu some more thought.
He only had eyes for you for four years.
You should know exactly how he feels, more than anyone else.
You know what I'm talking about, right?
I got it.
Black?
It looks nice.
Ah, Seung Jo! 
Which one looks nicer?
The white one.
I thought so too.
Should I wrap them up together?
- Bag them separately please.
- Yes ma'am.
I'll pay for them.
Really?
Thanks.
Ah, then I'll buy dinner.
I looked up some good places to eat.
The one who'll suit me best might be Bong Joon Gu and not Baek Seung Jo.
Even though he doesn't give me butterflies, he's comfortable to be with.
Like family.
We ran into each other again.
Are you shopping too?
We're on our way to grab some dinner.
Really?
Do you want to come with us?
Ah, would you like to?
Yes, let's go.
Do whatever you want, I'm not begging you to go with us.
Let's go.
Are you going to spend all day staring at those?
Ah, no Chef! 
I'm sorry!
- Clean this up!
- Yes sir!
- Ah welcome!
- Welcome!
Oh!
Dad.
Oh, Ha Ni.
Hello.
Ah, come on in.
Then this is your place, Ha Ni?
Yeah.
That's right. 
It's the same So Pal Bok Noodle Shop that Oh Ha Ni and Bong Joon Gu will still be running 60 years from now.
But is this your friend?
What do you mean friend, Chef?
They promised to get married.
Uh?
Ah. 
Oh, really?
Sit down, have a seat.
I looked online for a place and suggested we come here.
Your shop is so pretty.
Ah I see.
Wow, how pretty!
It's so pretty that it's wasteful to eat it.
Chef went all out just because you came here, you punk.
Of course!
Seung Jo and Seung Jo's friends are VIP here.
Please eat more.
(T/N: 
Enjoy the food)
Yes.
We'll eat well.
Ah, look at this, look at this. 
You don't even know how to eat this.
For Pyeong Yang buckwheat noodles, you have to sprinkle the vinegar directly on top.
Wait just a little for the vinegar to settle, and then loosen up the noodles like this before eating.
That's how it's done. 
Aigoo.
Ah...
I see. 
I didn't know either.
Really?
Wow, of course it's possible to not know. 
That's fine. 
Enjoy your meal!
It's like he's a different person.
- It must be nice, Oh Ha Ni.
- Huh?
That your boyfriend knows so much.
Ah, I'm not really good at using chopsticks so don't judge me too harshly, okay?
Say ah!
Ha Ni, what are you staring at so intently?
[Your imagination will be captured in a game.]
Your imagination will be captured in a game.
In this game, we managed to capture all the elements of the imagination and fun.
Along with stylistic action typical of forward vision, we will use these to create a unique fun game.
And due to this stylistic action, it will be impossible to compare it with other games.
I will now debut the demo version.
You have just experienced the farthest points of imagination that you can reach.
He really seems like an animation king, doesn't he?
It must not have been easy, but you completed your presentation quite well.
It's all thanks to you, our patient and understanding sponsors.
- You worked hard.
- Yes, Chairman.
Great work.
Shall I call Hae Ra out so we can have dinner altogether?
I'm sorry.
My father will be released from the hospital today so I should really go home and have dinner with my family.
Ah, is that so?
That's even better then!
I'll just send Hae Ra over there.
Since he's been released, she should go and give her greetings.
Seung Jo, your mom's come out.
Hello.
Yes.
Why are you just standing there?
Come here.
I've met you once before.
My name is Yoon Hae Ra.
Is that right?
I do feel like I've seen you before, but you must not have left a deep impression on me.
Ah, you know that Ha Ni and Seung Jo are schoolmates, right?
Yes, of course.
Oh my, I see you bought cake.
My husband's strictly off sweets and Seung Jo doesn't like sweets.
I bought it.
For you to eat, Mother.
Oh, really?
These are rice cakes.
I packaged them in this way so it'd be easier to eat. 
Please try them.
She's completely different from Oh Ha Ni.
What's so great about rice cakes?
No matter how expensive, rice cakes are rice cakes.
Should I give this cake a taste?
Then I hope you have a good conversation.
I think I'd better go lie down now.
Me too.
Seung Jo.
Even though he's my son,
I have to say that Seung Jo has a really tiring personality.
He's selfish and haughty.
He's also quite boring.
That's not true. 
He's really fun.
And we have interesting conversations as well.
Then you must be boring as well.
You're pushy and only say what you've read in books.
Isn't that right?
Yes, that's right.
We're reserved and rational.
Even though to others that may seem boring, it's fun for us.
And on top of that, he has no idea how to treat girls.
He's terrible at speaking a kind word, and if a girl writes him a love letter, Baek Seung Jo is the type of person who'll correct the grammar on it and return it.
Really?
I did that too!
Wow, that's crazy!
Did you really do that?
Is that so?
You are truly two peas in the same pod, aren't you?
Baek Seung Jo seems smart, doesn't he?
But he's stupid.
He has no idea what his own feelings are.
If he likes someone, he treats them colder than usual and causes them more pain.
He does everything he can to push them away.
That's what I can see, at least.
It's quite worrisome, a person's heart.
Since it's not something that can be solved as easily as a math problem.
And he's afraid of being discovered.
Are you like that as well?
Mother!
You're childish.
What? 
Childish?
I don't say anything about you favoring Oh Ha Ni.
But why are you trying to force me to like her too?
!
Did I say something wrong?
You're my son.
I know you.
But you don't know yourself.
Even if I don't know myself, just let me not know in peace!
Baek Seung Jo!
Please stop interfering in my life.
Interfering?
I've always respected your judgment, haven't I?
But what is this?
Bringing her here when you plainly know how Ha Ni feels about you.
This is a situation that involves common courtesy towards other people.
Were you this lacking in common courtesy?
!
Mother, I'm alright.
Please, please just stop now!
Baek Seung Jo! 
You....
Alright.
Since you've always respected my judgment, please do so this time as well.
I really thought that Seung Jo liked Ha Ni.
Since he's my son, I truly believed that to be true.
Just because he's our son, that doesn't mean we automatically know him inside out.
But don't the two of them suit each other so well?
They balance each other's shortcomings and share their positive attributes with one another.
Don't you see that too?
I do see that, but Seung Jo is insisting so fervently that it's not true.
What can we do?
What should I do?
I feel like I've done something terrible to Seung Jo and Ha Ni.
He likes her.
What?
Hyung likes Oh Ha Ni.
So stop crying, Mom.
Eun Jo, what do you mean by that?
Hey! 
Baek Eun Jo!
Hyung!
Are you really going to marry that noona, Hyung?
That noona is pretty, isn't she?
You like pretty noonas, don't you?
Do you like that noona?
Won't I come to like her?
- If I continue down this path?
- But still... but still...
The person you like, Hyung-
That noona is someone who suits your hyung well.
She's smart and plays tennis well.
Hyung!
If you keep meeting her, you'll like her too, without a doubt.
Lies.
Aigoo... she's even falling asleep in a place like this.
She really is the world's most happy-go-lucky person.
That's it!
Should I put a bug on her hand?
Oh Ha Ni, you're about to be startled.
Oh!
And after that, Hyung went back to the vacation house.
I guess it was a dream.
Hy-Hy-Hyung just kissed Oh Ha Ni?
And even after he did that with me having seen him...
But I still can't tell Mom yet.
Since Hyung is insisting so fervently that it's not true...
But there's no question about it.
Hyung likes Oh Ha Ni.
What is it?
Are things not going well?
Huh?
No, well it's not going badly but it's not going great either.
It's just I'm pulling all the stops...
What is this? 
From the invincible Yoon Hae Ra?
What? 
Should I intervene to pick up the pace?
Pick up the pace?
That's right! 
It's us with the upper hand.
It should be him that's putting in the effort, not us.
I don't want that, Grandfather.
Scaring him into having no other choice, that kills my pride more.
Really?
- Then should I not do anything?
- Yes.
As of yet.
But if there's absolutely no progress,
I might ask you to brandish your sword though!
Alright. 
Don't hold back.
Okay.
I won't hold back.
Baek Eun Jo!
I made some of the pudding that you love so much, Eun Jo!
Here, eat! 
Say ah!
Is it good?
What a relief.
But Eun Jo...
What did you mean that night?
When you said that Hyung likes Ha Ni noona.
I'm not going to eat.
Hey!
Why? 
Why are you being like this, Baek Eun Jo?
!
You're hiding something, aren't you?
!
Get back here!
Hey!
I don't know if it's because the sky is so clear, but there are so many stars.
Dad.
What do you think of me dating Joon Gu, if I do?
Joon Gu?
Why? 
Did something happen?
No.
I'm just asking.
I'm just asking if.
If?
Yes, if.
Well, I'm not sure.
Although he's a bit dim and naive,
he is manly.
And he has the keen ability to cook as well.
As a cook, he has plenty of potential.
And above all else, he likes you a lot, Ha Ni.
Since he takes good care of you,
I wouldn't be opposed to it.
I see.
I heard that there are rumors circulating at the office about Seung Jo's impending marriage.
Yeah.
And it's that person who came to the shop, right?
In any case I think I was too hasty.
No matter how much they tried to persuade me,
I shouldn't have agreed to move back in here.
You should know already, if we stay here for longer, things will just get worse.
Things will get more awkward for one another.
Without us being able to reveal our true thoughts.
Yeah.
But that girl was a really good one for Seung Jo.
The more I think about it, the better it seems an opportunity for him.
Yeah.
There sure are a lot of stars, right?
Yes, Joon Gu.
The shop?
Why? 
Isn't today your day off?
What are you doing on your day off?
I came up with a new menu item.
Could you come after you're done at school?
If you say it's good, then I want to formally present it to Chef and propose it as an addition to the menu.
Please come, alright?
Ah, these punks. 
What are you doing?
What are you doing, you punk?
Get up. 
Hurry!
Sunbae, couldn't we rest for a little while?
What did you do to warrant rest?
Training never ceases. 
Never stop.
Hurry and get up!
They said it's going to rain tomorrow at dawn. 
Do we still have to come?
Huh?
You're nuts, aren't you?
How is it going to rain with weather like this?
I will swear an oath with my left hand that it won't rain.
Hurry up and get up instead of saying such pointless things.
Hurry!
You're the same as always.
Aigoo!
Wow, it's been a really long time, Seung Jo!
I heard the news, is your father doing well?
Yes.
- He's been released.
- Ah that's a relief.
But what's the occasion?
The girls have stopped coming since you're never here.
Look at this, look at all the guys.
Damn it.
But it's great you came. 
Since you're here, let's play a game you and me.
No, I came to clean out my locker today.
Since I don't think I'll be able to make it out for a while.
There's definitely something different about those that are well-off.
How are you so busy even though you're only a freshman?
I don't see Ball Boy here today.
Ball Boy?
Ah, Ha Ni?
That rascal Ha Ni plays hooky every day now.
She must be busy now that she's dating the cafeteria dude.
Ah these punks! 
What did I say? 
Get up!
Hey!
Ah, really! 
I just can't win with you guys!
These are our school's tennis courts.
Ah, the tennis courts where Ha Ni's always put down and belittled?
Yep.
This is the place.
Wow.
- Isn't it nice?
- Yeah.
It's really big.
Wow, oh! 
They're practicing.
Oh! 
Baek Seung Jo!
What are you doing here?
Shouldn't I be asking you that?
Ah, he's got a point.
Hey, but anyway, I heard you're getting married.
With Yoon Hae Ra.
Did Ha Ni go hang out with Bong Joon Gu again today?
Yeah, Bong Joon Gu said that he was going to make her something super delicious!
Oh my!
Bong Joon Gu is really something.
Of course! 
Who knew that he was going to ask her to marry him too?
Did she say that she was going to give him her answer today?
Ah, that's right! 
That's why she dressed up so nicely today.
Does this mean that Ha Ni will be the very first out of all of us to get married?
Ah, I know right?
!
[So Pal Bok Noodle Shop]
Eat some more marinated beef.
Ah, I'm full.
How can you be full already?
There is still a lot that you haven't eaten.
That'll be for next time.
But this was really delicious.
Be sure to tell Dad.
I think it'll be a hit.
Do you really think so?
Drink this too. 
This is apricot liquor, and it's good for digestion.
But Joon Gu, you really are something.
It's possible you're a better cook than Dad!
How can you say that?
I still have a long way to go before I catch up to Chef.
But I'm happy that you've complimented me like this.
My heart is thumping.
It's raining a lot.
So, Ha Ni.
Huh?
What I said to you before,
I meant what I said.
Did you think about it at all?
Uh, yeah.
But, I think I'm going to need more time-
You haven't decided yet?
About Seung Jo.
*(blind date arranged preceding marriage).
He's even gone on a seon*.
You haven't been able to move on at all?
No, that's not why-
Ha Ni.
What do you like about such a cold, rude punk like him?
Huh?
I told you this before already, but I'm home.
No matter when you decide to come back, I'll be there.
But even a house isn't meant to be left standing empty for too long, as it'll become useless.
Joon Gu,
Are you okay?
Ha Ni, are you okay?
Ha Ni,
I really like you.
Joon Gu,
- Huh? 
Ha Ni, please- 
- Joon Gu, don't do this!
Joon Gu!
Don't do this.
Hey, don't do this.
Don't do this, Joon Gu!
So I guess I won't do.
I'm sorry, Joon Gu.
I really don't deserve him.
After raising Joon Gu's hopes like that, all I did was cause him pain.
What is this? 
Have I made it so I can't love anyone but Baek Seung Jo?
What are you doing here?
What do you think? 
Isn't it obvious?
Of course you didn't bring an umbrella.
Then were you waiting for me?
Are you coming back from seeing that punk?
What did you say to him?
Huh?
I heard he asked you to marry him.
Why? 
Can't I do so?
So I'm asking what your answer was.
No matter what I said to him, it doesn't have anything to do with you.
You're right.
I'm going to leave your house.
Dad and I talked about it already.
We're blocking you from moving forward with your life.
It's a relief that Joon Gu works so hard.
Dad really likes him too.
I should start helping Dad with his shop just like Joon Gu has been.
Do you like him?
Bong Joon Gu?
Of course I do.
He's liked only me for four years now.
If someone likes you, you're able to like them back just like that?
Why? 
Can't I?
I'm tired of having a one-sided love.
I want to date someone who likes me.
I like Joon Gu.
You like me.
You can't like anyone more than you like me.
What's with that confidence?
Aren't I right?
Fine, you're right!
I only like you.
But what's the good in that?
You won't have anything to do with me.
And you treat me like-
One more time
One more time
I love you
I love you
Couldn't you take me back into your life?
Don't say that you like anyone more than me.
This is the second time.
What is?
Kiss.
This is the third.
Forget it, you don't have to count anymore.
Yeah.
Brought to you by HaruHaruSubs
Please do NOT hardsub/stream our English Subtitles in any streaming sites
Main Translators: creamychoco1234, soluna413
Timers: starstruck, hitomi83 Editor/QC: thesexy-orange
Coordinators: sayroo, cute girl
You've finally done it after having an unrequited love for him for 4 years!
Get in.
You did it!
[Oh Ha Ni  Baek Seung Jo]
Then what's going to happen to Bong Joon Gu?
[Finally at the end of 4 years!
Promise of marriage]
It happened faster than I thought it would.
I knew you'd realize someday how you felt, but it's not hard for you anymore?
It's not hard.
It's become more fun.
Why am I acting like this? 
Seriously.
I wanted to call you Father.
I wanted to call you Father-in-law!
Congratulations on your marriage.
I'm sorry.
Home Sweet Home
Unni!
My Happiness, My Home
They called us here knowing what's going on between us!
They're going to tear us to shreds if we don't do anything to defend ourselves!
I want to steal him away...
enough to drive me insane
So it was a lie?
You lied?
!
That's right, I lied!
Ah!
I'm having second thoughts at your inability to breathe...
You were so jealous that you wanted to kill me?
Home Sweet Home

- Hey, dad...
- Get down!
What the hell are you doing?
People are gonna think you're a pepingtom.
A pepingtom spy on young women getting dressed.
I'm spying on a 65 year ex-marine.
Who is eating a egg white omelet.
- Why?
- High colesterol, I presume.
He had four heart attacks in 3 years.
Coast is clean.
You can get up.
What was going on last night?
Sound like a cow was giving birth.
That was me.
I jacked up the neighbor's shed
And shimmied it over 12 inches to the south.
I'm know I'm going to regret asking you this.
Why would you do that?
'cause that land-grabber built his shed
Six inches over my property line.
So once a month, I go over there
And I move it a foot the other way,
And then the next night,
That nasty bastard moves it back.
So, tell me, coyote,
How long have you and the roadrunner been at this?
Let's see.
What's today, Thursday?
Roughly 25 years.
Oh, there he is.
Oh, this is the best part.
This is when he discovers it.
"oh, look!
Somebody moved my shed!"
[laughs]
"i'm mr. 
Campbell.
I make dumb faces when someone moves my shed!"
This is insane, even for you.
I don't know why don't you just let him
Keep his shed a little bit on your property.
Because it's on my property.
I earned it.
The trouble with your generation is
You never had to fight for anything.
My generation fought so guys like you
Can sit around on your ass all day,
Living in the lap of luxury for free.
Are you kidding me?
I live in a spider-infested attic,
I can't use electricity after 9:00 p.M.,
And I don't sit around all day.
I'm busting my ass trying to find a job,
Which is very hard to do when I being woken up at 4:00 a.M.
Because you're out in the yard playing the world's longest game
Of "gotcha last."
You can sleep through the noise of me moving a shed.
During the war, I slept through four years of shelling.
How did you hear shelling?
You were a medic on a boat.
Corporal harry shelling.
We shared a cabin.
The bastard snored like a leaf blower.
Damn deviated septum.
Every night, in and out.
In and out.
"breathe through your nose, shelling!
Breathe through your nose!"
Anyway, look,
I'm just saying, I think you should go talk to him.
I mean, he's stubborn,
He was in the military, he's crazy.
I think you guys could be friends.
Why do you always have to be at war with someone?
Mr. Campbell,
The paperboy, the mailman.
I'm not at war with the mailman.
That war is over.
I defeated him.
Yes, and now we have to walk to the post office
To get our mail.
With our heads held high.
Guess what we brought for lunch?
Tamales!
Which is spanish for...
Uh, tamales.
We took a spanish class at the learning annex.
Uh, muy bien, vicente.
Como esta usted?
Oh!
Tamales!
Well, the class was only nine bucks,
And it came with a free sombrero, so...
Okay, get this, we just saw a great dog
At the rescue down at the farmers' market,
Which we're gonna adopt!
Now, hold on, before you say anything,
I know what you guys are thinking,
But trust me, this is not a baby substitute.
I wasn't thinking that.
I wasn't even listening.
Why would you assume that's what they were thinking?
I don't know.
They know that we're having trouble conceiving.
You guys are having trouble conceiving?
Probably my fault.
I never gave him that sex talk.
He knows what goes where,
And what doesn't.
It's fine.
It's nobody's fault.
We're fine.
Everyone's fine.
It's just some people take a little longer,
You know, to conceive.
It's just...
Besides, we took some tests,
And the good news is there is nothing wrong with my eggs.
Oh. 
Huevos.
Oh. 
Muy bien, vicente.
So we're getting a dog 'cause we want a dog,
And that's all there is to it.
So what do you want from me?
Well, pop, we're just wondering
If you still have any of schwarzkopf's old dog stuff
Because the woman who runs the animal rescue,
She's gonna come over and inspect our place.
And we want to prove to her
That we can be incredible parents.
- You mean "owners." - that's what I said.
Yeah, I got schwarzkopf's old leash
And his dog bowl over here.
The rest of the stuff's upstairs.
Brings a tear to my eye when I think of that little guy.
Oh.
You know, schwarzkopf was a great animal.
He was a horrible animal.
He tried to kill mrs. 
Cleator's dog.
'cause he was defending his bone,
Her dog was trying to get it from him.
That's what you do when someone takes what's yours.
You don't talk it out.
That's why he was victorious.
He was wheeled away like hannibal lecter.
With his muzzled head held high.
What are you two talking about?
Oh. 
You don't know about the whole shed war
Going on between dad and mr. 
Campbell?
Oh, you mean that insane ex-military freak?
Yeah. 
He's fighting with mr. 
Campbell.
I remember mr. 
Campbell.
You know, I-- I can't even talk about it.
He's going to talk about it.
I was ten years old,
And my soccer ball went over our fence into his yard,
And he took that garden claw he's always holding,
And he stuck it in the ball,
And then he held it up and laughed as it--and I--deflated.
It's been 25 years,
And I still haven't been able to watch soccer.
I'll tell you what you missed:
Three goals.
Excuse me, mr. 
Campbell?
What the hell do you want, hot dog?
Why am I "hot dog"?
'cause your brother's "hamburger."
I want to talk to you about the shed.
I know you and my father have been fighting,
But I firmly believe that any problem
Can be resolved by talking it out.
Look, I know he moved the shed,
And he's very sorry and would like to make peace.
What do I care if he wants to make pizza?
I said "peace."
Oh, oh.
Talk into this ear.
My father would like to make peace.
Oh, well, that doesn't sound like him.
He sounds like this.
"oh, look at me.
I'm ed.
I move people's sheds, and I'm dumb."
That's...
- Actually pretty close.
- Yep.
Look, what can we do
To bring this whole shed thing to an end?
It's about more than the shed.
Over the years, your father has done
Unmentionable things to me.
He stole my angel away from me.
I loved her.
Oh, my god.
I kept her over there by the pond
So the birds wouldn't poop on her.
Oh, a statue.
I thought you were talking about your wife.
I was.
That was a joke.
Look, if I get you that statue back,
Will you be willing to at least talk to my dad?
Fine, fine.
So we just had a very nice conversation,
And afterwards, he said he wanted a truce.
It's a trap.
The man has a rock garden.
You can't trust that kind of crazy.
Dad, trust me.
I talked to him.
All he wants is his statue back. 
Where the birds can poop on it.
So it's a deal?
Not quite.
His hedge trimmers?
That's going to cost him.
Bird feeder? 
Fine.
I hung it over the angel statue.
Fantastic.
So we'll do the exchange tomorrow at 6:00.
6:00?
He knows perfectly well that's when I feed my koi.
6:05.
Busy.
Dad, how can you be free at 6:00 and then busy at 6:05?
That's when I do my koi fishing.
Look, here's the deal:
Tomorrow, 6:30, you and I will both meet here.
Cool?
Cool.
Mr. Campbell?
I'm easy.
Okay.
Dad, here's your weed-whacker.
Bernice, I've missed you.
Uh-huh.
And, mr. 
Campbell, here is your watering can,
Which some bird has totally jackson pollocked.
All right, guys, I think that's about everything.
Well, campbell, it takes a big man to admit defeat.
I wasn't defeated.
You were.
What are you talking about?
Henry says you were begging for a truce.
What?
The hot dog told me you wanted the truce.
What?
Hot dog, you tell him I wanted a truce?
Well, I just-- you know what?
My name isn't "hot dog."
I knew you weren't man enough to admit you were wrong!
What are you talking about?
Your shed is six inches over on my property!
The hell it is!
I've got the survey!
I don't care if you hate sorbet!
I hate you!
What are you talk-- I didn't say anything--"sorb--"?
Listen with your good ear,
Ya tin-eared jarhead!
The truce is over!
And that shed is going in the koi pond tomorrow!
You'll move it off of your tomatoes first.
I'll tell you that right now!
You put a step on my tomatoes,
You'll get a tomato in the face!
Hold on! 
Hold on!
- You don't even understand-- - hold on!
Hold on.
You better not come on my tomatoes.
Dad!
- You come on my-- - stop it.
- You just stop it.
- Mr. Campbell!
- I've had enough-- - stop it!
What is with you two?
We've come this far.
Now shake hands and end this.
Come on.
For once, give peace a chance.
Listen, yoko...
I am not shaking that man's hand.
Dad...
Please.
For once,
For me.
See?
Was that so hard?
It feels good, doesn't it?
- Eh.
- Well...
Feels good, I guess.
Yeah, of course it does.
See, dad, by doing things my way,
We were able to reach an agreement peacefully.
So...
Is there, uh,
Something you want to say to me?
Yeah.
Get this crap off my lawn.
The sprinklers go on in three minutes.
It's not quite "you were right,"
But I know it's what you meant, dad.
Hey, mr. 
Campbell.
Mr. Campbell, I want to thank...
Hey, that's my old bike.
I thought it was stolen.
Well, not stolen.
Impounded.
It was left in front of my driveway 15 years ago,
And it became mine.
Are you kidding me?
My dad grounded me for two months for losing that bike.
I mean, I put flyers up everywhere.
I put a flyer on your tree.
That flyer became mine as well.
Come on, mr. 
Campbell, I just want my bike back.
No, no, those were not the terms of the agreement.
Then I'm going to come over there and take it.
You do, and you'll get a face full of claw.
- But it's my bike!
- And it's my claw.
Now, you make like a hot dog and kiss my ass.
That doesn't even make sense!
Well, does this make any sense?
- [air hissing] - oh!
[laughs]
That was not a nice thing to do, mr. 
Campbell!
That's it!
This is war!
And I'm gettin' my bike back.
You don't even know.
You think ed goodson's tough?
Hot dog goodson's as tough as they come!
Ooh!
I am so pissed right now!
Aw.
Who put the sand in your panties?
Your arch nemesis.
The assistant manager at radio shack?
- Mr. Campbell.
- Oh.
Remember that summer when I was 12
And my bike got stolen?
I can hardly remember your name.
How am I supposed to remember that?
I'll never forget it.
I had to do my paper route on foot.
Six hours a day, dad, 95-degree heat.
You told me to strap a bell to my arm.
[chuckling]
That I remember.
Back then, I could only visit you during the summertime.
All year long, I looked forward to it--and feared it--
But mainly looked forward to it.
And then that summer, all we did was argue about the bike.
I just found out it was all campbell's fault.
I left my bike in front of his place,
And he just took it!
[chuckles] I told you the guy was a jerk.
Totally.
We need to get him back.
Ohh!
Jumping off the old peace train, are we, cat stevens?
Sure you don't want to talk anymore?
See? 
No. 
No, no, no.
I see what you're doing, and this is different.
I didn't start anything with him, dad.
He just stole my bike.
Now you want to get him back, eh?
Did you want to sneak over there
And light up the old koi barbecue?
Maybe drop trou and fertilize the rock garden.
Yeah, I haven't really thought about the details.
Mmm, fantasize about going over there one night, eh?
Crawl over to his bunk and pick up a pillow
And put it over his face
And stop the snoring bastard once and for all?
You can't breathe through your mouth now,
Can you, shelling?
Answer me! 
Answer me!
Anyway...
Right. 
So...
Here's what you're going to do:
Absolutely nothing.
What?
We have a truce, a truce you brokered.
And you know what my code is.
Treat a horse like a woman and a woman like a horse?
That's my credo.
My code is a man never breaks his word.
- But, dad-- - no "buts," henry.
You never go back on your word,
Not even if you haven't slept in three weeks,
And you promised your commanding officer
You wouldn't touch him.
Even though all you can think about
Is what it would feel like
To put your hands around shelling's neck
And squeeze and squeeze and squeeze
Until the only sound you hear
Is the sound of your own panting.
[panting]
Dad, is shelling still alive?
He's my podiatrist.
A good foot man if you need one.
[knock at door]
Oh, vince, the woman from the dog rescue's here!
Be cool.
Don't be nervous.
Don't be obvious.
Don't be desperate.
What are you doing?
Get out here!
Hi.
Look out, everybody.
The weird dog lady's here.
[laughs] oh.
Come on in.
You must be roberta.
I'm bonnie.
Hope you don't mind,
I let myself in through the people door.
That's funny.
Vince!
Hi, I'm vince.
Oh, hi, I'm roberta.
Hope you don't mind,
I let myself in through the people door.
Oh, my god, she did that for me, too.
So let's take a look around
And see if this place is suitable for a dog.
Oh, it's entirely suitable.
We are going to be excellent parents.
Uh, owners?
That's what I said.
We just want to make sure we cover all of our bases.
I even signed up for a "puppy and me" class.
The first week is yoga.
Yoga?
What the heck is a puppy gonna do in a yoga class?
Downward dog?
So...
Okay, so you guys live on a great street,
And you are five blocks from a terrific dog park.
But, you know, if you both work,
One of you is going to have to come home
For a mid-day walk.
Oh, yeah, yeah, we've planned for that.
And what are we going to walk him in?
I don't know, maybe something from his new... [sing-song] wardrobe!
Great dane!
What am I looking at here?
Oh, just stuff I bought.
I like to go online at night and buy things for the dog.
You know, little rubber newspapers
And little hats,
Little backpacks,
Those little shoes that if it rains
They don't get their little feet wet.
- Okay, okay.
- What's going on? 
What?
Yeah. 
No, I think I see what's going on here.
Folks, I don't think I can approve you for this adoption.
Wait. 
Why?
All you're dealing with is two loving people
- That want a dog.
- Baby.
- A dog.
- Baby.
- Dog.
- Baby.
Honey? 
Honey?
Honey, stop.
- Dog!
- Baby, baby, baby.
Folks, folks, look,
When a couple adopts a dog, but they really want a baby,
It always ends up being a problem for the dog.
Not in every case, of course, but in enough
So that I can't approve you today for this dog.
This has nothing to do with a baby.
Come on, let's get real.
This is about as nutsy-cuckoo as it gets,
And you're talking to someone who just came
From a $50,000 bark-mitzvah.
I'm so sorry.
You guys seem like really nice people.
I'll let myself out.
Well, it's just one person's opinion.
I mean, you know, there's plenty of dog rescues in san diego,
- If you want a dog-- 
- I want a baby, vince.
I know you do, bonnie,
And we'll have one.
What if we can't?
Honey, look at me.
We'll have one, okay?
Come here.
* uno, dos, tres * * y cuatro, cinco, seis * * siete, ocho-- *
Okay.
Vince's ball.
My bike.
The claw.
Who's out there?
- Aah!
- Aah!
Ohh!
Ooh!
[siren wails] daaaaad!
How does it feel to get cpr from a navy medic?
Oh, the humiliation is crushing.
I suppose I owe you one.
I'll bet you do.
How about you give my boy back his bicycle,
And we'll call it even?
Who's steven?
That's your bad ear.
My boy, give him his bike back.
Only if we go back to hating each other.
I'm way ahead of you.
"oh! 
Oh, look at me.
I'm ed goodson.
I'm dumb.
I just resuscitated my enemy."
"oh, oh! 
Look at me.
I'm mr. 
Campbell.
"i'm dumb. 
I just had a minor heart attack
Like a girl."
Don't forget your aspirin, now.
Please feed my fish.
I'll feed your fish.
I'll feed them to the cat.
Okay, then.
See? 
It's all right to dislike people
And have people dislike you.
You don't have to talk through everything.
Fine, I see your point, dad,
But I still think you take things too far.
I mean, if you didn't do that,
You might have a friend or two.
I have a friend.
You, stupid.
Right.
You're my friend, too.
Okay, now, time to feed the koi.
Oh.
Sit down. 
I...
I bought you something.
- What is it?
- A male stripper.
Open the damn box.
Ed, I don't really think I'm in the mood...
I wasn't in the mood to get you something, but I got it.
Open the box.
Oh, my god, ed.
It's a dog.
Yes. 
I know what it is.
Oh.
No, no, none of that.
I don't know what to say.
Good.
Say nothing.

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ] [ BELL GONGS ]
GERE:2,500yearsago , nestled in a fertile valley along the border between India and Nepal, a child was born who was to become the Buddha.
The stories say that before his birth, his mother, the queen of a small Indian kingdom, had a dream.
[ PEACEFUL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ]
¶ ¶
BROWN:
A beautifulwhite elephant offered the queen a lotus flower and then entered the side of her body.
When sages were asked to interpret the dream, they predicted the queen would give birth to a son destined to become either a great ruler or a holy man.
One day, they said, he would either conquer the world or become an enlightened being, the Buddha.
Peoplelikestories.
It is one of the ways we learn.
The story of the Buddha's life is an archetypal journey.
But it is a means to an end.
It is not an end.
BROWN:
Withintenmonths, as a tree lowered a branch to support her, a baby boy was born, emerging from her side.
Seven days later, the queen died.
"The world is filled with pain and sorrow," the Buddha would one day teach.
"But I have found a serenity,"
he told his followers, "that you can find too."
Everybodyunderstands suffering.
It is something that we all share with everybody else.
It's at once utterly intimate and utterly shared.
So Buddha says, "that's a place to begin.
That's where we begin."
Nomatterwhatyour circumstances, you will end up losing everything you love.
You will end up aging.
You will end up ill.
And the problem is that we need to figure out how to make that all be all right.
Whatheactuallysaidwas that life is blissful.
There's joy everywhere, only we're closed off to it.
His teachings were actually about opening up the joyful or blissful nature of reality, but the bliss and the joy is in the transitoriness.
"Do you see this glass?
I love this glass.
It holds the water admirably.
when I tap it, it has a lovely ring.
When the sun shines on it, it reflects the light beautifully.
But when the wind blows and the glass falls off the shelf and breaks or if my elbow hits it and it falls to the ground,
I say, 'of course.'
But when I know that the glass is already broken, every minute with it is precious."
[ BELL GONGS ]
TheBuddhacanshineout from the eyes of anybody.
Inside the buffeting of an ordinary human life, at any moment, what the Buddha found, we can find.
[ MAN CHANTING IN NATIVE
LANGUAGE ]
¶ ¶
[ WOMAN CHANTING IN NATIVE
LANGUAGE ]
¶ ¶
GERE:insouthernNepal, at the foot of the Himalayas, is one of the world's holiest places, Lumbini; where, according to the sacred tales, the Buddha was born.
[ ALL CHANTING ]
Today Buddhist pilgrims from all over the world make their way here to be in the presence of the sage whose life story is inseparable from centuries of anecdotes and legends.
Therearecountlessstories of the Buddha.
Each tradition, each culture, each time period has their own stories.
[ PEACEFUL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ]
¶ ¶
[ WOMAN CHANTING FAINTLY ]
¶ ¶
[ WOMAN CHANTING FAINTLY ]
We have lots of visual narratives and artwork from all over Buddhist Asia.
But the first written material, actually--the first biography, say, of the Buddha-- really, we don't see that before about 500 years after his death.
For the first few centuries,
Buddhist narrative was oral.
[ ALL CHANTING ]
¶ ¶
Historically,itis based on something certainly that happened.
There must have been someone who corresponded with Gautama
Buddha, but we don't know.
We don't know how much of it is pure fairy tale and how much of it is historic fact.
But it doesn't matter.
It touches something that we all basically know.
Therelevanceof it is in  the message of the story, the promise of the story.
Like any good story, it has a lot to teach.
So the story of his life, then, is a beautiful way of telling the teaching.
GERE:" Hewhoseesmesees  the teaching," the Buddha said,
"and he who sees the teaching sees me."
Born some 500 years before the birth of Jesus, the Buddha would grow to manhood in a town vanished long ago.
For nearly three decades, he would see nothing of the world beyond.
The tales say he was the son of a king, raised in a palace with every imaginable luxury.
He was called Siddhartha
Gautama, a prince among a clan of warriors.
"When I was a child," he said,
"I was delicately brought up, most delicately.
A white sunshade was held over me day and night to protect me from cold, heat, dust, dirt, and dew.
My father gave me three lotus ponds:
One where red lotuses bloomed, one where white lotuses bloomed, one where blue lotuses bloomed."
Thefatherwantshim tobe a king; wants him to conquer the world and to be the emperor of
India, which at that time was 16 different kingdoms.
And it was predicted that he would be able to conquer wherever he wanted if he remained as a king.
So the father was creating this artificial environment to coddle him.
Hisfatherwantedtoprevent him from ever noticing that anything might be wrong with the world because he hoped that he would stay in the life they knew and loved and not go off, as was predicted at his birth,
and possibly become a spiritual teacher rather than a king.
GERE:
Shieldedfrompainand suffering, Siddhartha indulged in a life of pure pleasure:
every whim satisfied, every desire fulfilled.
"I wore the most costly garments, ate the finest foods.
I was surrounded by beautiful women."
"During the rainy season,
I stayed in my palace, where
I was entertained by musicians and dancing girls.
I never even thought of leaving."
When he was 16, his father, drawing him tighter into palace life, married him to his cousin.
It wasn't long before they fell in love.
Hewastotallyinlove  with her.
There is a story that on their honeymoon, which was about ten years long, at one time, they rolled off the roof that they were making love on while in union, and they fell down but landed in a bed of lotuses and
lilies and didn't notice they had fallen.
GERE:
Andso ,thestories say, he indulged himself for 29 years, until the shimmering bubble of pleasure burst.
Hisfatherdoeseverything he can to never let him leave, never let him see the suffering that life is.
But one day, he goes outside, and he's traveling through the kingdom, and he has the first of four encounters.
He sees an old man.
And he asks his attendant, and the attendant says,
"Oh, that's change.
One doesn't always stay young and perfect."
Then on the next tour outside, he sees a sick man and doesn't quite understand what it is.
He asks his attendant, and the attendant says,
"Oh, that happens to all of us."
Everybodygetssick,and  don't think, "you are a prince;
you will not get sick."
Your father will get sick.
Your mom will get sick.
Everybody will become sick.
Thenheseesthatitisn't  just this sick person;
in fact, it's universal.
And something is stimulated inside of him.
So he keeps getting the chariot driver to take him out, and he sees, you know, horror after horror.
Andonhisthirdtrip  outside, he--he meets a corpse, and he recognizes impermanence and suffering and death as the real state of things;
the world that he had been protected from, shielded from, kept from seeing.
Andhewasshocked.
You know, he was shocked, and he realized, "this is my fate too.
I will also become old.
I will also become ill.
I will also die.
How do I deal with these things?"
These are universal questions in any human being's life:
what it's like to be in a body inside of time, and our fate, and how do we navigate that?
It really is a tale of the transformation from a certain naive, innocent relationship to your own life to wanting to know the full story, wanting to know the full truth.
Andthenthefourthtrip  outside, he sees a spiritual seeker: someone who has decided to live a life completely other than his life in order to escape from impermanence, suffering, and death.
So he has this sort of traumatic encounter with the pain and suffering of life.
Wetryto protectour  children.
We don't want to let our children see all the pain that's in the world.
But at a very early age, at a time before he could remember anything, at a time before there was conceptual thought, he already suffered the worst kind of loss that one could suffer.
Suddenly and mysteriously, his mother died when he was a week old.
So something tragic happened, you know, right at the beginning.
That might be what it takes to become a Buddha—is that you have to suffer on such a primitive level.
[ BELL TOLLING ]
GERE:29yearsold , profoundly troubled, Siddhartha was determined to comprehend the nature of suffering.
He resolved to leave the palace.
His wife had just given birth to a baby boy.
Siddhartha called him Rahula,
"fetter."
Henameshisson "fetter."
He names his son "ball and chain."
"This is the fetter that will keep me tethered to this life.
This is what will keep me imprisoned."
BROWN:
Lateonesummer evening, Siddhartha went into his wife's room.
A lamp of scented oil lit up.
His wife lay sleeping on a bed strewn with flowers, cradling their newborn son in her arms.
He gazed from the threshold, deep in thought.
"If I take my wife's hand from my son's head and pick him up and hold him in my arms, it will be painful for me to leave."
He turned away and climbed down to the palace courtyard.
His beloved horse Kanthaka was waiting.
As he rode toward the city's northern wall, he leapt high into the air.
Mara, the tempter god of desire, was waiting.
"You are destined," Mara told him, "to rule a great empire.
Go back, and worldly power will be yours."
Siddhartha refused.
Heleftgriefand probably absolute puzzlement and dismay in the hearts of wife, in the infant son, who was innocent and yet was suddenly fatherless, and, of course, his own father.
But there is no knowledge won without sacrifice.
And this is one of the hard truths of human existence:
in order to gain anything, you must first lose everything.
GERE:
Siddharthawasalone in the world for the first time.
On the bank of a nearby river, he drew his sword.
"Although my father and stepmother were grieving with tears on their faces," he said,
"I cut off my hair.
I put on the yellow robes and went forth from home into homelessness.
I had been wounded by the enjoyment of the world, and I had come out longing to obtain peace."
Siddhartha wandered south, toward the holy Ganges river.
Once a great prince, now he became a beggar, surviving on the charity of strangers.
he slept on the cold ground in the dark forests of banyan, teak, and sal that covered the northeastern plain; frightening places where wild animals roamed and dangerous spirits were said to live.
Heisgoingout toseewhat there is.
He's a seeker.
He doesn't have a teaching yet.
He doesn't have an understanding yet.
He doesn't have an insight yet.
He doesn't have a solution yet, but he recognizes the problem.
[ MAN CHANTING ]
GERE:
Siddharthacouldnot  expect help from the religion of the time, the ancient Vedic religion, steeped in ceremony and ritual.
¶ ¶
Some of its rituals still live on in ceremonies conducted by
Hindu priests, who chant Vedic formulas more than 2,500 years old.
¶ ¶
[SPEAKINGNATIVELANGUAGE]
GERE:
Forcenturies,the 
Vedic rituals had commanded respect for the gods and inspired conviction.
But by Siddhartha's time, the rituals no longer spoke to the spiritual needs of many Indians, leaving a spiritual vacuum and a sense of foreboding.
Thegodsbecomeless important than the rituals themselves.
It's a period of great unrest.
It was a period of social upheaval, social change.
GERE:
Citiesweregrowing, generating new wealth and spiritual hunger.
As one ancient voice cried out in despair:
"The oceans have dried up;
mountains have crumbled;
the pole star is shaken;
the earth founders;
the gods perish.
I'm like a frog in a dry well."
Alotof peoplearen't satisfied with the religion that they grew up in.
And when prince Siddhartha decides to give up his life, he's doing something that lots of other people were doing.
GERE:
Siddharthajoined thousands of searchers like himself, renunciants: men and even a few women who had renounced the world, embracing poverty and celibacy, living on the edge, just as spiritual seekers still do in India today.
Now,atthistimeinIndia , there were lots of renunciants out there.
It's a flourishing renunciant tradition.
There are many different people who have given everything up and practice austerities and meditate in order to escape from the cycle of death and rebirth.
The notion of reincarnation is something that's part of
Indian culture, part of Indian civilization, part of Indian religion, that was there long before the Buddha, and it was the--in a sense, the problem that the Buddha faced.
GERE:
Sufferingdidn'tbegin at birth and finish with death.
Suffering was endless, unless it was possible to find a way out, become enlightened, become a Buddha.
Inhistime,therewas a sense of death not being final but of death leading inexorably to rebirth and of beings, suffering beings, bound to the wheel of death and rebirth.
BROWN:
Itis saidthat
Siddhartha had lived many lives before this one,
As countless animals... innumerable human beings... and even gods;
across four incalculable ages, the sacred texts say, and many aeons, experiencing life in all its different forms.
Siddhartha'spreviouslives, many aeons, sometimes as a human being, sometimes as an animal, but then gradually using his practice, becoming more higher and higher and deeper, deeper.
Theideais ,fromlifeto life, to progress more and more towards the enlightenment and become wiser and wiser.
Somebeingswillstubbornly insist on their ignorance and their egotism, and they will charge ahead, grabbing and eating what they can in front of themselves and being dissatisfied but thinking that the next bite will do it.
And they will die and be reborn and die and be reborn infinite times.
It could take them, you know, a billion lifetimes if they are very stubborn, you know.
AndbecomingaBuddha, becoming enlightened, is the only way of getting out of the continual cycle of death and rebirth.
Now, rebirth here isn't the popular notion that, you know, in my past life, I was
Cleopatra floating down the
Nile or Napoleon.
It's as if every life is going through junior high school again, over and over and over.
GERE:
Withtheauthorityof the priests worn thin and wisdom seekers like Siddhartha roaming the countryside, holy men emerged, teaching their own spiritual disciplines.
Siddhartha apprenticed himself to one of them, a celebrated guru who taught that true knowledge could never come from ritual practice alone.
It was necessary to look within.
"You may stay here with me,"
the guru told him.
"A wise person can soon dwell in his teacher's knowledge and experience it directly for himself."
Siddhartha set himself to learn the rigorous practices the guru prescribed.
Theteachersof thetimeare already teaching forms of yoga and meditation, teaching that the self-reflective capacity of the mind can be put to use to tame the mind, to tame the passions.
That was already established in
India.
And there were probably so many schools of yoga and meditation in those days, just as there are now.
¶Ohh¶
[ CONTINUES TO HOLD NOTE ]
[ SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE ]
[ CHANTING ]
[ CHANTING CONTINUES ]
GERE:
Althoughyogaappears to focus on controlling the body, it is in fact an ancient, spiritual discipline, a form of meditation, harnessing the energies of the body to tame the mind.
Some yogis learn to sit without moving for hours, breathing more and more slowly until they seem to be barely breathing at all.
[ CONTINUES CHANTING ]
¶ ¶
Allkindsof trancestates are possible through meditation.
If you hold the mind, if you concentrate the mind on a single object, you know, be it a word or a candle flame or a sound, it's possible to transport the mind into all kinds of interesting places.
The person who was to become the Buddha was very good at all of those practices.
He was a super student, doing these practices, taking them to their limit, and no matter what he did in these practices, he was still stuck in the pain that he set out with.
Heascendsto thesevery rarified states of consciousness, but it's not permanent, and it does not bring penetrating truth into the nature of reality.
So these become a temporary escape from the problem of existence, but they don't solve the problem.
[ MAN CHANTING ]
¶ ¶
GERE:
Siddharthaapprenticed himself to another popular guru, but the results were the same.
"The thought occurred to me,"
he said later, "this practice does not lead to direct knowledge, to deeper awareness."
Disenchanted, he left this master too.
Siddhartha continued to drift south, still searching for the answer to his questions:
Why do human beings suffer?
Is there any escape?
He'stryingandtryingand searching and searching, and he already experienced extreme luxuries, so now he tries extreme deprivation.
GERE:
Amongtherenunciants, asceticism was a common spiritual practice: punishing the body as a way to attain serenity and wisdom.
Siddhartha fell in with five other ascetics and soon was outdoing them in mortifying the flesh, subjecting his body to extremes of hardship and pain.
Thebodyrepresents a fundamental problem.
Old age brings a decrepitude to the body.
Sickness brings pain and suffering to the body.
And death is ultimately the cessation of the functioning of the body.
So there was a sense that if you could punish the body sufficiently, you could escape its influence.
You could transcend some of the limitations that the body seemed to impose.
Theasceticpursuesthe truth by taking the requirements of survival down to the absolute minimum possible:
barely enough food to stay alive, no protection from the elements, no heat, sit in the cold, sit in the rain, meditate fiercely for all the hours of awakening.
Thestepof renunciation,of shedding everything, of dying, the feeling that one is dying to one's life as it was, is essential to being reborn as someone who sees.
GERE:
Asceticscanstillbe seen in India, firm in the belief that by subduing the flesh, they can gain spiritual power.
[SPEAKINGNATIVELANGUAGE]
GERE:emaciated,exhausted,
Siddhartha punished himself for six years, trying to put an end to the cravings that beset him.
Hetortureshimself,trying to destroy anything within himself that he sees as bad.
The spiritual traditions of that time said you can be liberated if you eliminate everything that's human: you know, everything that's coarse and vulgar, every bit of anger, every bit of desire.
If you--you know, if you wipe that out with force of will, then you can go into some kind of transcendental state.
and the Buddha tried all that, and he became, you know, the most anorectic of the anorectic ascetics.
He was eating one grain of rice per day.
He was drinking his own urine.
He was standing on one foot.
He was sleeping on nails.
He did it all to the utmost.
GERE:" Mybodyslowlybecame extremely emaciated,"
Siddhartha said.
"my limbs became like the jointed segments of vine or bamboo stems.
My spine stood out like a string of beads.
My ribs jutted out like the jutting rafters of an old, abandoned building.
The gleam of my eyes appeared to be sunk deep in my eye sockets, like the gleam of water deep in a well.
My scalp shriveled and withered like a green bitter gourd shriveled and withered in the heat and wind."
Whathewastryingtodo was pushing his body to the most extreme that he could.
But then he realized that from that, he cannot gain what he wants.
Trying to torture the body, the body becomes too much.
The whole attention is given to the body, nothing else.
Hesurrenderedhimself completely to the hard training that he was given.
And what he discovered, having tried this completely for many years, was that he had not answered his question.
It hadn't worked.
he was on the verge of death, dying, unawakened, when he remembered something.
he remembered a day when he was young and sat by the river with his father and the perfection of the world as it was simply gave itself to him.
BROWN:
Yearsbefore,when
Siddhartha was a small boy, his father, the king, had taken him to a spring planting festival.
while he watched the ceremonial dancing, he looked down at the grass.
He thought about the insects and their eggs-- destroyed as the field was planted.
He was overwhelmed with sadness.
Onegreattaprootof
Buddhism is compassion, which is the deep affection that we feel for everything because we're all in it together-- be it other human beings, other animals, the planet as a whole, the creatures of this planet,
the trees and rivers of this planet.
Everything is connected.
BROWN:
Itwasabeautiful day.
His mind drifted.
As if by instinct, he crossed his legs in the yoga pose of meditation.
And the natural world paid him homage.
As the sun moved through the sky, the shadows shifted, but the shadow of the rose apple tree where he sat remained still.
He felt a sense of pure joy.
thejoythathefoundisin the world that is already broken.
It's in this transitory world that we're all a part of.
And the fabric of this world-- despite the fact that it can seem so horrible, the underlying fabric of this world actually is that joy that he recovered.
That was his great insight.
"But," he says, "i can't sustain a feeling of joy like this if i don't take any food, so i better eat something."
And then at that moment, a village maiden mysteriously appears carrying a bowl of rice porridge.
Andshesaidtohim, "here, eat."
that moment of generosity and release when he accepted the rice was a decision towards life.
It was what in the Christian tradition might be called
"grace," that you cannot do it completely on your own.
And in Christianity, the grace comes from the divine.
In the story of the Buddha, the grace comes from the ordinary, kind heart of a girl who sees somebody starving and says, "eat."
There'ssomethingbeautiful.
whenever I remember that story, it makes me so happy because
I see the heart of Buddha as the person he was, like the
Siddhartha.
This dish was the dish he used to be fed by his stepmother, rice pudding.
He was missing that so much.
and then he remembered maybe further and further, and he remembered about his wife, about his son.
And the deepest emotions that he had suppressed, they overpower.
They came up.
They were still there.
And he had a feeling of missing.
He had a feeling of seeing his son and a feeling of being near his loved ones.
They were so powerful.
Oh, this must have soaked his whole entire being.
Hewasactuallyanutter failure.
He had been clinging to the path of asceticism.
And when he took the food, what followed was a return of his original question.
Life is painful.
Life involves change.
This is still a problem.
The problem didn't disappear.
GERE:
Itwasn'tlongbefore the ascetics who had been
Siddhartha's companions found him eating and turned away in disgust.
"Siddhartha loves luxury,"
they said.
"He has forsaken his spiritual practice.
He has become extravagant."
Butthemanwho willbecome the Buddha realizes that extreme deprivation isn't the way to go.
We can live as normal human beings.
We can eat and drink.
And, in fact, we kind of need to eat and drink and be normal human beings in order to break through, in order to attain the kind of realization that he was looking for.
GERE:
Siddharthahadput his  faith in two gurus.
They hadn't helped him.
He had punished his mind and body.
That had almost killed him.
Now he knew what he must do.
to find the answer to his questions, he would look within and trust himself.
[ MAN CHANTING FAINTLY ]
[ RATTLING DRUMMING ]
Bodh Gaya is a small town in northeastern India.
Throngs of pilgrims have come here from all over the world for more than 16 centuries.
[ BELL RINGING ]
[ ALL CHANTING ]
For Buddhists, there are hundreds of holy places but none more sacred than this one.
Bodh Gaya is the sacred point from which the Buddhist faith radiates.
Some pilgrims travel great distances, reciting prayers and prostrating themselves every step of the way.
It is their Mecca and Jerusalem.
Their holy of holies is not the imposing temple beside them but a simple fig tree: ficus religiosa, the Bodhi tree.
The tree, it is said, is descended from the Buddha's time.
[ MAN CHANTING OVER LOUDSPEAKER ]
¶ ¶
Every pilgrim knows the story of how Siddhartha, after accepting the rice milk from the young girl, put aside the rags he was wearing, bathed himself in a nearby river, and, strengthened, sat down in the
shade of the Bodhi tree, and began to meditate.
BROWN:
Itwasspringtime.
the moon was full.
Before the sun would rise,
Siddhartha's long search would be over.
Hesatdownunderabodhi  tree, in the shelter of the natural world in all of its beauty and fullness, and he said, "I will not move from this place until I have solved my problem."
BROWN:" Letmyskinand  sinews and bones dry up, together with all the flesh and blood of my body," he said.
"I welcome it.
but I will not move from this spot until I have attained the supreme and final wisdom."
All at once, Mara, Lord of
Desire, rose to challenge him.
With an army of demons, he attacked.
Siddhartha did not move, and their weapons turned into flowers.
Maraistherulerofthis realm of desire, this world that we all live in.
And what he's afraid Siddhartha is going to do when he attains enlightenment and becomes the
Buddha is conquer that world.
That is, he's going to do away with desire.
He's going to--he's going to wreck the whole game.
BROWN:
Maradidnot giveup.
He sent his three daughters to seduce him.
Siddhartha remained still.
WhenhefacesMara,hefaces  himself and his own destructive capacity.
But he's not the warrior trying to do battle with those qualities.
He's discovered his own capacity for equanimity.
He has become like, you know, the top of the great Himalayan mountains, you know:
the weather is passing over him, storms are raging around him, and he sits like the top of the mountain--impassive-- not in a trance state, you know, totally aware of everything.
So he frustrates Mara.
BROWN:
Siddhartharesisted every temptation Mara could devise.
The Lord of Desire had one final test.
He demanded to know who would testify that Siddhartha was worthy of attaining ultimate wisdom, and his demon army rose up to support him.
Siddhartha said nothing.
he reached down and touched the ground, and the earth shuddered.
Mara's demons fled.
theBuddhareachesdownand,  with his finger, touches the
Earth.
he says, "the Earth is my witness."
He said, "Mara, you are not the Earth.
the Earth is right here, beneath my finger."
And the Earth is what we're talking about-- accepting the Earth, not owning the Earth, not possessing the
Earth, but the Earth just as it is: abused and exploited and despised and rejected and plowed and mined and spat on and everything else, you know.
It's still the Earth, and it's-- it is--it's-- we owe everything to it.
BROWN:
Siddharthameditated throughout the night, and all his former lives passed before him.
Heremembersallhis  previous lives, infinite numbers of previous lives, female and male and every other race and every other being in the vast ocean of life-forms.
And he remembered that all viscerally.
So that means his awareness expanded to be--so that all the moments of the past were completely present to him.
Hegainsthepowertosee the process of birth, death, and rebirth that all creatures go through.
he's given this sort of cosmic vision of the workings of the entire universe.
BROWN:
Asthemorningstar  appeared, he roared like a lion.
"My mind," he said,
"is at peace."
The heavens shook, and the bodhi tree rained down flowers.
He had become the "Awakened
One," the Buddha.
Somethingnewopensupfor him, which he calls "Nirvana"
or which he calls "awakening."
Hesaid,"atthismoment, all beings and I awaken together."
So it was not just him.
It was all the universe.
He touched the Earth.
"as Earth is my witness, seeing this morning star, all things and I awaken together."
It'snotlikeentering a new state.
It's uncovering or surrendering to the reality that has always been there.
He realized he'd always been in
Nirvana, that Nirvana was always the case.
Your reality itself is Nirvana.
It's the unreality, it's your ignorance that makes you think you're this self-centered separate being trying to fight off an overwhelming universe and failing.
You are that universe.
You'realreadyenlightened.
He's saying the capacity for enlightenment--that your awake-ness already exists within you.
Nirvanaisthismomentseen  directly.
There is nowhere else than here.
The only gate is now.
The only doorway is your own body and mind.
There's nowhere to go.
There's nothing else to be.
There's no destination.
It's not something to aim for in the afterlife.
It's simply the quality of this moment.
Justthis.
Just this, this room where we are.
Pay attention to that.
Pay attention to who's there.
Pay attention to what isn't known there.
Pay attention to what is known there.
Pay attention to what everyone is thinking and feeling,
What you're doing there.
Pay attention.
Pay attention.
GERE:
Forweeks,the Buddha remained near the Bodhi tree, peaceful and serene.
He was tempted to retire into a profound solitude, instead of trying to teach others what it had taken him six long years to discover for himself.
Hewantsto staythere.
He's very happy.
He doesn't want to go out.
He says to himself, "No one is going to understand this.
You know, people are going to think I'm crazy.
They're going to think I'm nuts."
Buddhasawthenatureofthe people: envy and jealousy and the strong negative mental states.
All the people in the world, they are like the fishes wriggling in the very shallow water.
So Buddha, he himself afraid to teach the people.
Themythis thatagod comes to the Buddha.
Brahma comes on his knees and says, "Please, we need you.
Why don't you try talking about what you just understood?
'Cause the world needs--the gods need it, and the men need it."
You know, "the people need it."
AndthenBuddhadecidedto give his teachings... because of a great compassion.
It's not an ordinary compassion.
Whenyoufeelthe feelings of others, you automatically don't want them to feel bad.
You feel the feeling of your hand; you don't put it in the oven.
I mean, you're not being compassionate to your hand.
You just feel the pain, so you're not gonna put it there.
So if you feel other's pain, you're going to do your best to help them alleviate it.
Whensomebodybecomes enlightened, something blooms in his heart.
It's like a flower blooms, and it cannot hold the fragrance.
It has to naturally release.
so it's like he naturally had to release his radiance.
He has to share this joy that was in his heart.
GERE:35yearsold , the Buddha would devote the rest of his life to bringing his teachings--the Dharma, the fundamental laws of all things--into the world.
But as he had feared, it would not be easy.
As he set off to share what he had learned, he met a wandering ascetic.
"Who is your guru?"
the ascetic asked him.
the Buddha said he had no guru, that he had attained enlightenment on his own.
"It may be so," the ascetic said and walked away.
On his first attempt to teach, the Buddha had failed.
Buddhameetssomeonewho  doesn't see anything special about him, because the awakened
Buddha doesn't look any different from anybody else.
He is ordinary.
Buddhism is not about being special.
Buddhism is about being ordinary.
And it is not about the continual exudation of bliss.
It is about walking a normal human life with normal human beings, doing normal human things, and this reminds you that you yourself might be a Buddha.
At this moment, the person you're looking at might be one.
It's an interesting practice;
just each person you see as you walk down the street: "Buddha?
Buddha?
Buddha.
Buddha.
GERE:fromBodhGaya,the
Buddha walked west nearly 200 miles and crossed the Ganges river.
He was still searching for a way to explain to others what he feared was unexplainable, the path to the enlightenment he himself had experienced.
[ SOFT SITAR MUSIC ]
¶ ¶
In a deer park in Sarnath, not far from the Ganges, he would try again.
His five former companions were still practicing the austerities he himself had abandoned.
"From far off, they saw me coming and, on seeing me, made a pact with one another,"
the Buddha recalled.
"'Friends, here comes
Siddhartha, living luxuriously, straying from his ascetic practice.
He doesn't deserve to be bowed down to.'"
Thesearehisbuddies,who were just disappointed and disgusted with him for giving in after they'd all been trying to starve themselves into enlightenment.
So they--they're a little distrustful at the beginning.
Theyreferto himasan equal, and he then tells them,
"No, that's not the term you should use when you refer to a tathagata, a being who's gone beyond."
And so he sets them straight.
and they then become the first people to hear the content of what he realized under the
Bodhi tree.
GERE:
Hisfirstteaching would later be called 'setting in motion the wheel of the
Dharma' because it brought the
Buddha's message into the world for the first time.
He did not propound a dogma.
Instead, he spoke from his own experience, out of his own heart.
He had known the abandon of the sensualist and the rigors of the ascetic.
Now he would disavow both of them.
TheBuddhasaid,"I've discovered a new way, and it's not the path of asceticism, and it's not the path of sensory indulgence.
It's the middle way."
What the Buddha was always doing was saying, "Everything needs to be balanced."
So, you know, the middle way was always balancing between, you know, excesses on this side, excesses on the other side.
[ SINGLE NOTE TWANGS ]
[ SITAR STRUMMING ]
[ SOFT SITAR MUSIC ]
BROWN:" fairgoesthedancing when the sitar is tuned.
Tune us the sitar neither high nor low, and we will dance away the hearts of men.
¶ ¶
[ NOTE TWANGS DISCORDANTLY ]
But the string too tight breaks...
[ HOLLOW SNAP ] and the music dies.
The string too slack has no sound, and the music dies.
[ HARMONIOUS STRUM ]
There is a middle way.
Tune us the sitar neither low nor high, and we will dance away the hearts of men."
GERE:
Thepathto enlightenment lay along the middle way, the Buddha taught, and the ascetics listened.
Now he would answer the question that six years before had provoked his spiritual journey:
the question of suffering.
Buddhistsdon'thave a creation story.
There is no creator deity.
It's not really of interest.
It's not an issue.
What's of interest is the problem of human suffering and the solution to human suffering.
Pretty much everything else, all right, is beside the point.
GERE:
TheBuddha'sanalysis of suffering came in the form of what have come to be called
"the Four Noble Truths."
Thereisno commandmentsor anything.
The first Noble Truth is that there is suffering in this world.
Generally, this "suffering" has been mistranslated.
"Suffering"isnotentirely accurate to the word that the
Buddha probably used.
It means something closer to
"dissatisfaction"--that, you know, we're never quite happy, and if we are, that's gone in an instant, anyhow.
Andhesaysthatthis  suffering, this unsatisfactoriness, doesn't arise by itself; it has causes.
Our own mind causes it.
GERE:
WhiletheSecondNoble
Truth asserts that suffering has a cause, the Third Noble
Truth makes an astonishing claim.
Youreallycanbefree of suffering by understanding the cause of suffering.
But nobody tells you that, and so that was a huge announcement.
GERE:
Theproblem,Buddha taught, is desire, how to live with the confused and entangling desires of our own minds.
Peopleoftenmisunderstand
Buddhism as saying:
"In order to wipe out suffering, you have to wipe out desire."
If that was what the Buddha was saying, then where does the desire for enlightenment fit in, you know?
The Buddha's saying:
"Be smart about your desires."
GERE:
WiththeFourthand final Noble Truth, the Buddha laid out a series of instructions for his disciples to follow, a way of leading the mind to enlightenment called
"the Noble Eightfold Path,"
the cultivation of moral discipline, mindfulness, and wisdom.
Theyare,as Iliketothink  of them, a set of possible recipes that you can try on your own life and see which one makes the best soup.
GERE:
TheBuddhadidn'tspeak for long, but when he was finished, the five skeptical ascetics had been won over.
They became his first disciples.
Word quickly spread of the sage teaching in the deer park at
Sarnath.
Hundreds came to hear him and became disciples too.
Many were wealthy merchants or their sons, living just five miles away in a thriving trading center on the Ganges, the holy city of Benares.
[ BELL CLANGING ]
[ MEN SINGING ]
Today Benares is the most sacred city in all of India, as it has been for millennia.
Even before the time of the
Buddha, pilgrims came here to worship their gods and bathe in the holy river of heaven.
Youseepeoplepurifying themselves bathing in the
Ganges.
You see priests performing rituals.
You see corpses, because that's the best place to end one's life.
So you see going on there a great range of religious activity, and much of it of the type that does go back to the Buddha's time.
[ MAN SINGING ]
GERE:
Manyof today'ssacred ceremonies on the Ganges echo the ancient practices of the
Vedic priests, the Brahmans.
In the Buddha's day, only the
Brahmans could mediate between the gods and men.
Only they could conduct the holy rituals that were said to preserve the universe itself.
The Brahman priests stood at the pinnacle of a rigid social hierarchy: a sacred system of caste.
Beneath them were the warriors, the caste to which the Buddha belonged.
Below them were farmers.
at the bottom were the servants and, still lower, outcastes.
Thosesocialgroupsare not  merely social conventions, but rather, they're hardwired into the nature of the universe.
You're supposed to stay in that group, and the survival of society depends upon your continuing to perform the function associated with that social status.
GERE:
Castewasirrelevant to the Buddha.
So were priestly rituals to preserve the universe.
His teachings focused on the universe within.
TheBuddhasaidyou couldbe from any caste.
What makes you noble is if you understand reality, you know, if you're a good person.
If you're a wise person, then you're noble.
[ SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ]
¶ ¶
GERE:
Intime,adevoted gathering of monks formed around the Buddha at Sarnath, near the
Ganges.
Broken stones and fallen pillars mark what remains of what grew to be a vibrant monastic community, the Sangha.
IttooktheBuddhamany , many years to find his way.
But he didn't want it to be so hard for people, and so he established a community who could live together and help one another.
GERE:
Inaceremonyevoking the beginning of the Buddha's own spiritual journey, fledgling monks of all ages say good-bye to their families and homes and join the Sangha.
[CHANTING]
[ CHILDREN REPEATING CHANT ]
Igoto therefugeofthe
Buddha, I go to the refuge of the Dharma, and I go to the refuge of the Sangha.
[ RESPONSIVE CHANTING CONTINUES ]
theSanghais an embodiment of Buddha's experience and wisdom.
What happens if people practice this thing?
Are they truly happy or not?
Are they joyful or not?
So I think Buddha wanted us to lead a perfect example of his teaching: an alive teaching, a teaching that walks, a teaching that can talk, a teaching that can laugh.
So I would say sangha is just like a living example of
Buddha's teaching.
[ ALL CHANTING SOFTLY ]
GERE:thefirstSanghawas a radical institution, open to people of every caste and, remarkable for the times in which the Buddha lived, to both men and women.
The Buddha was part of a culture deeply suspicious of women.
Theattitudetowardswomen at the time was very critical, and many things were impossible for them.
So that was a very revolutionary thing to do that in that times of India.
GERE:
Byordainingwomenas nuns, the Buddha gave women the chance to escape the drudgery of daily life.
[ BELL GONGS ]
Life was so hard for most women that entering the Sangha was a liberation, as we know from their ecstatic, heart-rending poems.
"So freed! 
So freed!
So thoroughly freed am I-- from my pestle, my shameless husband, and his sunshade making, my moldy old pot with its water-snake smell.
Aversion and passion I cut with a chop.
Having come to the foot of a tree, I meditate, absorbed in the bliss.
'What bliss!
'"
[ BELL GONGS ]
Bliss, Nirvana, the Buddha taught, could be found in the fleeting moment through the practice of meditation.
The Buddha showed his followers how to come to terms with their own rolling thoughts and desires by paying attention to them, by becoming aware, becoming mindful.
As an ancient poem counsels:
"Like an archer, an arrow, the wise man steadies his trembling mind, a fickle and restless weapon."
Manytimes,ourmindisnot peaceful enough.
So we realize that perhaps we need to understand more about mind itself and how to balance the emotions, how to balance our mind, and try to cultivate more happiness.
Thedifficultiescomefrom within.
One experiences unexpected things from one's mind:
the most dangerous skeptical doubts, doubts about one's self, doubts about the Buddha.
Physical is--we can get from--
[ CHUCKLES ] from the food and from the supplement of vitamins and-- yeah, and for the mind, this is the only way we have to... only medicine.
[ CHUCKLES ]
Meditationisnotabout getting rid of anger or getting rid of lust or getting rid of jealousy.
Even while becoming a monk, often we experience angers;
[ CHUCKLES ] it happens.
And it often happens when people start teasing you, like,
"shaven bald-head person."
But it gives a good chance for us to realize that, "Okay, let's see, this anger arises.
What is it?"
What most often happens in our ordinary life is that whenever we experience these emotions, we get stuck into it.
It starts twisting us.
But Buddhism is going through inside it and getting out of it peacefully.
And I think that gives us more joy.
And that makes human life more full, more round.
It's not like--we are not living a partial truth, but it's like the whole of things together.
Ittakestimetocomprehend this.
and then by practicing again and again, the practitioner becomes very balanced, and one reaches the state of very strong equanimity, equanimity towards the physical and mental objects.
And this is the base camp for the summit:
enlightenment.
BROWN:" Afterwashing my feet," a disciple said,
"I watch the water going down the drain."
[ PEACEFUL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ]
¶ ¶
"I am calm.
I control my mind, like a noble thoroughbred horse.
Taking a lamp, I enter my cell;
thinking of sleep,
I sit on my bed.
I touch the wick.
the lamp goes out:
Nirvana.
My mind is freed."
GERE:" Themindis  as restless as a monkey,"
the Buddha taught.
Who you are, what you think of as your "self," is constantly changing... like a river, endlessly flowing,
One thing today, another tomorrow.
There'swaterin ariver, then there's water in a glass, and then the water is back in the air, and then it's back in the river.
The water's there, but what is it?
That's a way to think about the self in Buddhism.
one moment you're angry.
The next moment you're laughing.
Who are you?
BROWN:" Aseedbecomes a plant.
Wisps of grass are spun into a rope.
A trickling stream turns into a river."
Theselfcomes,and the self goes.
Simply notice how from one moment to another, your self is actually not as much the same as we think it is.
WhattheBuddharealizesis that if we can get rid of this fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of the self based on egotism, we won't cling to things; we won't screw up everything we do because
we're thinking about it in the wrong way.
Onceyoustopcenteringyour  feelings about your feelings on your self, what naturally arises is simple compassion:
compassion for your own suffering, compassion for the suffering of others.
¶ ¶ [ GENTLE NOTES ]
GERE:
Eventhemostabstract of the Buddha's teachings had a practical, ethical dimension.
Compassion, the Buddha taught, comes from understanding impermanence, transience, flow:
how one thing passes into another, how everything and everyone is connected.
BROWN:" Whenthisis , that is.
From the arising of this comes the arising of that.
When this isn't, that isn't.
From the cessation of this comes the cessation of that."
Thisisalwaysconnected to that.
Everything is connected to everything else.
You never live by yourself.
You live always within a family, a society, or culture.
You constantly interact with other people all the time.
So our happiness depends on their happiness as well.
How can we be happy if we are the only one happy in-- on, you know, just an island of happiness within an ocean of misery?
Of course, that's not possible.
GERE:
Compassionstirredthe 
Buddha to send his monks out into the community.
Sworn to chastity and poverty, they wandered the roads, bringing the Buddha's teachings into the world.
"Go forth, monks, for the happiness of the many, out of compassion for the world.
There are beings whose eyes have little dust on them, who will perish if they do not hear the teaching.
But if they hear the teaching, they will gain liberation."
Themonksexistbybegging.
we think of begging as kind of a bad thing.
Begging in this tradition is a good thing.
It's a sign of spiritual purity.
You'renotallowedtobeg tomorrow's lunch today-- only today's lunch.
Then you can't eat from noon until dawn the next day.
Then you have to go out and get another lunch.
And then in exchange for lunch, you give a lecture, unless they say, "we don't want to hear about it."
Then you don't.
But that's the only thing-- but that forces you to interact with the lay community.
Andifyou'renot serving them, if you're not doing something useful for them, they won't put anything in your bowl, and that will be the end of your community.
GERE:
TheBuddhahimself wandered across northeast India, teaching and gathering new disciples everywhere he went.
You didn't have to become a monk or a nun to become a Buddhist.
The Buddha's teachings were for everyone.
[ UP-TEMPO PERCUSSIVE MUSIC ]
¶ ¶
BROWN:" Everythingis burning.
What is burning?
The eyes are burning.
Everything seen by the eyes is burning.
The ears are burning.
What is burning?
[ SITAR STRUMS ]
Everything heard by the ears is burning.
[ ROAR-LIKE SOUND ]
[ FLUTE PLAYS MELODY ]
The nose is burning.
Smells are ablaze.
The tongue is burning.
Tastes are ablaze.
The body is burning.
The mind is burning."
We'reonfire.
We may not know it, but we're on fire, and we have to put that fire out.
We're burning with desire, all right?
We're burning with craving.
Everything--everything about us is out of control.
TheBuddhagoesontotalk about The Three Poisons, greed and anger and ignorance, and how The Three Poisons are what is making the fire, and the way out of doing this is not to deny The Three Poisons
but to recognize that if you turn them around, you come to their opposites.
Instead of greed, you have generosity.
Instead of anger, you have compassion.
And instead of ignorance, you have wisdom.
GERE:" Icangive my teachings in brief,"
the Buddha said.
"I can teach in detail.
It is those who understand that are hard to find."
Therearestoriesofpeople coming to the Buddha and saying:
"I am leaving your teaching because you have not told me about whether there is a life after death or whether there is another world."
And the Buddha says, "did I ever say that I would give you the answer to these things?"
"No, lord, you didn't."
"Why do you think that I never said that I would give you the answer to these things?
Because these are not the things that you need to know.
The thing that you need to know is how to deal with suffering, because at this very moment, what made you ask that question was suffering."
GERE:
TheBuddhawas , above all, a pragmatist.
he did not expect his followers to agree with everything he said.
He encouraged them to debate and argue, to challenge him.
Buddhasaid,"Myfollowers should not accept my teaching out of devotion but rather your own experiment."
Even Buddha himself, in order to get final enlightenment, need hard work.
So investigate based on reason, through logical investigation.
If something contradict, in Buddha's own words, then we have the right to reject that.
GERE:
AstheBuddhagathered more and more followers, stories spread of his miracles, which mixed the marvelous with the mundane.
BROWN:
Onestorytellshow 500 pieces of firewood split at the Buddha's command.
In another, a mad elephant charged wildly down a street, forcing everyone to flee.
Only the Buddha remained, quietly waiting.
The elephant, overcome by the
Buddha's radiant kindness, knelt before him, and the Buddha patted his leathery trunk.
Because miracle is something you cannot understand.
so now I think that within this century, we may find some new ideas or new facts.
so far, we spent all our energy and time for research on matter, not internal world.
This skull, a small space, but lot of mysterious things still there.
Thegreatfieldofknowledge is as tiny as the Earth is in the universe.
I mean, it's a tiny-- it's a speck.
And the--the universe is what we don't know, and it will always be that way.
However much we find out, it will still be that way, because the unknown is vastly-- it's unspeakably greater than anything we will ever know.
BROWN:
Inoneofthemost storied miracles, the Buddha strode on a jeweled walkway suspended in midair while streams of water spouted and flames flashed from his body, shooting out to the very edge of the universe.
And as the Buddha sat on a lotus flower giving his teachings, he replicated himself, filling the sky with multitudes of
Buddhas for all to see and wonder.
Dowebelievethatliterally?
Does it matter whether we believe it literally?
What many of those miraculous stories are about is the sheer wonder of it all.
The very fact that the whole of unknown time and space has led down to this--led to this very moment when we're sitting here talking--when we are sitting here talking to each other is utterly miraculous.
Sittingherein aroom, having had a cup of coffee, having taken it out of a beautiful blue-and-white porcelain mug, what could be more miraculous than that?
Everyday life around us is already so implausible and so glorious, that what need for further miracles?
And that's the teaching of the Buddha.
That's the miraculous teaching of the Buddha.
GERE:
Violence,theBuddha taught, always leads to more violence.
"To the slayer comes a slayer.
to the conqueror comes a conqueror.
He who plunders is plundered in turn."
War was endemic in the Buddha's age, ravaging northeast India again and again.
Although kings and their ministers sought his council, the Buddha offered no grand political vision.
He was powerless to stop the killing and the fighting.
Even the men, women, and children of his former kingdom were massacred by a marauding king: forced into pits and trampled by elephants.
It was said that the Buddha received the news in silence.
TheBuddhafailed,but we,  as the Buddha, fail constantly, and part of our suffering is our--is our failure, our recognition of our failure.
Buddhismdoesn'targuewith reality.
There will always be both the potential for awakening in any moment and the potential for incredible damage at any moment, and if we fool ourselves into thinking we're past that, we will do incredible damage.
GERE:
Change,theBuddha said, must come from within.
TheBuddhastartsalways with the mind and talks about the violence in the mind and says that violence in the world is a result of violence in the mind.
Atreelivesonitsroots .
if you change the root, you change the tree.
Culture lives in human beings.
if you change the human heart, the culture will follow.
GERE:
Fordecades,the Buddha shared his teachings all across northeastern India.
"Let all beings be happy,"
he taught, "weak or strong, great or small.
Let us cherish all creatures, as a mother her only child."
Barefoot in his robes, he was still walking the roads when he was 80, but old age was upon him.
His back hurt.
His stomach was often in pain.
"I am old, worn out," he told a trusted disciple,
"like a dilapidated cart held together with thin straps."
The world is so sweet, he said, that he could understand wanting to live for at least another century.
But he was frail and exhausted.
He became ill near Kushinagar, a remote village near the border of Nepal, when he was offered a meal which would prove deadly.
The food was spoiled.
Heatewhatwas offeredto him, and it's said that he knew it was bad, but he took it anyway 'cause it was offered and didn't want the person who offered it to feel bad,
'cause it was his time.
[ MAN CHANTING ]
¶ ¶
GERE:
TodayKushinagaris revered by pilgrims as the place where the Buddha finally left the world.
It was in Kushinagar where he grew weak and asked to be laid on his side in a quiet grove of sal trees.
As he neared the end, his disciples began to weep, stricken with grief.
[ EMOTIVE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ]
¶ ¶
But the Buddha reassured them.
"all things change," he said.
"Whatever is born is subject to decay."
He'ssayingthisis a natural process.
He tells his disciples: "Use this time, use the energy here, even this, for your own awakening."
So he used even his own death and their sadness as a time to remind them of what their real task was.
What he's actually doing is inviting those who are close to him into the experience.
I don't think the Buddha's teaching in any way argues against grief or sadness or loss.
Theteachings,if theymake any sense, have to make sense in ordinary circumstances, in ordinary lives.
And in ordinary lives, we grieve when we lose.
We--we grieve. 
We-- when it hurts, we say, "ouch."
Buddhism is trying to look at things the way they are, the way it is, just as it is.
It hurts.
This is life.
This is our life.
And our relation to life involves losing it too.
You don't get beyond these things.
You don't get beyond them.
It'sallrighttofeel what  human beings feel, and we are not supposed to turn into rocks or trees when we practice
Buddhism.
Buddhas laugh, cry, dance, feel ecstasy, probably even feel despair.
It is how we know the world.
It is how we live inside of our hearts and not dissociated from them.
GERE:
TheBuddhahad always been saying good-bye.
Now he prepared to leave the
Earth forever.
He would never be reborn, never die again.
[ BELL GONGS ]
"It may be that after I am gone," the Buddha told his disciples, "that some of you will think, 'now we have no teacher.'
But that is not how you should see it.
Let the Dharma and the discipline that I have taught you be your teacher.
All individual things pass away.
Strive on, untiringly."
These were the Buddha's last words.
BROWN:
TheBuddhadied peacefully.
His head was pointed to the north, his face to the west.
The stories tell how the Earth shook, and the trees suddenly burst into bloom... their petals falling gently on his still body, falling out of reverence.
Divine coralflowers and divine sandalwood powders fell from above on the Buddha's body out of reverence.
Hisdiscipleswerequite upset: "What are we going to do without our teacher?
We will be lost without our teacher."
But his instruction was so simple and so clear:
"I am not your light.
I am not your authority.
You've been with me a long time now.
Be your own light."
TheBuddhasawdeathand life as inseparable.
These are two sides of the same thing.
Death is always with us.
Death is part of the whole large unknown.
And if we are unable to smile at the idea of the unknown, we're in real trouble.
That's the realism that the
Buddha was talking about: trying to come to terms with reality.
GERE:
Whenhe was29and still prince Siddhartha, the Buddha had left his wife, child, and family to try and understand the nature of suffering.
[ SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ]
¶ ¶
He had attained enlightenment, shared what he had learned, and left a path for others to follow.
Now he was gone.
But before he died, he had asked his followers to remember him by making pilgrimage... to the place of his death... to where he gave his first teachings... where he achieved enlightenment... and where he was born.
Thosefourplacesmarkout a sacred biography.
And in tracing that pilgrimage route, you are learning the story of that life.
[ MAN CHANTING FAINTLY ]
At places of pilgrimage, temples were built, images were installed, and relics were enshrined.
GERE:
AlthoughtheBuddhahad predicted that his teachings, like everything else, would in time disappear,
Buddhism flourished in India for 1,500 years, spread into Sri Lanka, central and southeast Asia,
Tibet, China, Korea, Japan, and in the 20th century, to Europe and the Americas, adapting different forms and shapes wherever it took root, attracting many millions of men and women who practice the
Buddha's teachings both within and outside the monastic community.
But everywhere and in every age, the essence of the story remains the same.
TheBuddhasaidthatwe've turned this world into a painful place, and this world does not have to be a painful place.
This world can be a world inhabited by Buddhas.
But it's up to each one of us to turn ourselves into a Buddha.
That's really--that's the work.
IftheBuddhaisnotyou, finally, the Buddha is of no interest to you.
The Buddha is--the Buddha is of such interest to you because you are the Buddha.
Iknowthatthereare supposed to be preserved footprints of the Buddha which are kept in one of the sacred places in India or Nepal, and, you know, you can stand in them, and if you stand in them, maybe
you realize, "Ah, ten toes.
Me too."
BROWN:
Thereis astoryof a Brahman who one day found the
Buddha under a tree, calmly meditating.
The Buddha's mind was still.
he radiated such power and strength that the Brahman was reminded of a tusker elephant.
The Brahman asked him who he was.
"Imagine a lotus that had begun life underwater," the Buddha replied...
"but grew and rose above the surface until it stood free.
So I, too, have transcended the world and attained the supreme enlightenment."
"Who are you then?"
the Brahman wondered.
"Remember me," the Buddha said,
"as the one who woke up."
[ LIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ] ¶ ¶

2,500 years ago, nestled in a fertile valley along the border between India and Nepal, a child was born who was to become the Buddha.
The stories say that before his birth, his mother, the queen of a small Indian kingdom, had a dream.
A beautiful white elephant offered the queen a lotus flower and then entered the side of her body.
When sages were asked to interpret the dream, they predicted the queen would give birth to a son destined to become either a great ruler or a holy man.
One day, they said, he would either conquer the world or become an enlightened being, the Buddha.
People like stories.
It is one of the ways we learn.
The story of the Buddha's life is an archetypal journey.
But it is a means to an end.
It is not an end.
Within ten months, as a tree lowered a branch to support her, a baby boy was born, emerging from her side.
Seven days later, the queen died.
"The world is filled with pain and sorrow," the Buddha would one day teach.
"But I have found a serenity,"
he told his followers, "that you can find too".
Everybody understands suffering.
It is something that we all share with everybody else.
It's at once utterly intimate and utterly shared.
So Buddha says, "that's a place to begin.
That's where we begin".
No matter what your circumstances, you will end up losing everything you love.
You will end up aging.
You will end up ill.
And the problem is that we need to figure out how to make that all be all right.
What he actually said was that life is blissful.
There's joy everywhere, only we're closed off to it.
His teachings were actually about opening up the joyful or blissful nature of reality, but the bliss and the joy is in the transitoriness.
"Do you see this glass?
I love this glass.
It holds the water admirably.
when I tap it, it has a lovely ring.
When the sun shines on it, it reflects the light beautifully.
But when the wind blows and the glass falls off the shelf and breaks or if my elbow hits it and it falls to the ground,
I say, 'of course.'
But when I know that the glass is already broken, every minute with it is precious".
The Buddha can shine out from the eyes of anybody.
Inside the buffeting of an ordinary human life, at any moment, what the Buddha found, we can find.
in southern Nepal, at the foot of the Himalayas, is one of the world's holiest places, Lumbini; where, according to the sacred tales, the Buddha was born.
Today Buddhist pilgrims from all over the world make their way here to be in the presence of the sage whose life story is inseparable from centuries of anecdotes and legends.
There are countless stories of the Buddha.
Each tradition, each culture, each time period has their own stories.
We have lots of visual narratives and artwork from all over Buddhist Asia.
But the first written material, actually... the first biography, say, of the Buddha... really, we don't see that before about 500 years after his death.
For the first few centuries,
Buddhist narrative was oral.
Historically, it is based on something certainly that happened.
There must have been someone who corresponded with Gautama
Buddha, but we don't know.
We don't know how much of it is pure fairy tale and how much of it is historic fact.
But it doesn't matter.
It touches something that we all basically know.
The relevance of it is in the message of the story, the promise of the story.
Like any good story, it has a lot to teach.
So the story of his life, then, is a beautiful way of telling the teaching.
"He who sees me sees the teaching," the Buddha said,
"and he who sees the teaching sees me".
Born some 500 years before the birth of Jesus, the Buddha would grow to manhood in a town vanished long ago.
For nearly three decades, he would see nothing of the world beyond.
The tales say he was the son of a king, raised in a palace with every imaginable luxury.
He was called Siddhartha
Gautama, a prince among a clan of warriors.
"When I was a child," he said,
"I was delicately brought up, most delicately.
A white sunshade was held over me day and night to protect me from cold, heat, dust, dirt, and dew.
My father gave me three lotus ponds:
One where red lotuses bloomed, one where white lotuses bloomed, one where blue lotuses bloomed".
The father wants him to be a king; wants him to conquer the world and to be the emperor of
India, which at that time was 16 different kingdoms.
And it was predicted that he would be able to conquer wherever he wanted if he remained as a king.
So the father was creating this artificial environment to coddle him.
His father wanted to prevent him from ever noticing that anything might be wrong with the world because he hoped that he would stay in the life they knew and loved and not go off, as was predicted at his birth,
and possibly become a spiritual teacher rather than a king.
Shielded from pain and suffering, Siddhartha indulged in a life of pure pleasure:
every whim satisfied, every desire fulfilled.
"I wore the most costly garments, ate the finest foods.
I was surrounded by beautiful women".
"During the rainy season,
I stayed in my palace, where
I was entertained by musicians and dancing girls.
I never even thought of leaving".
When he was 16, his father, drawing him tighter into palace life, married him to his cousin.
It wasn't long before they fell in love.
He was totally in love with her.
There is a story that on their honeymoon, which was about ten years long, at one time, they rolled off the roof that they were making love on while in union, and they fell down but landed in a bed of lotuses and
lilies and didn't notice they had fallen.
And so, the stories say, he indulged himself for
29 years, until the shimmering bubble of pleasure burst.
His father does everything he can to never let him leave, never let him see the suffering that life is.
But one day, he goes outside, and he's traveling through the kingdom, and he has the first of four encounters.
He sees an old man.
And he asks his attendant, and the attendant says,
"Oh, that's change.
One doesn't always stay young and perfect".
Then on the next tour outside, he sees a sick man and doesn't quite understand what it is.
He asks his attendant, and the attendant says,
"Oh, that happens to all of us".
Everybody gets sick, and don't think, "you are a prince;
you will not get sick".
Your father will get sick.
Your mom will get sick.
Everybody will become sick.
Then he sees that it isn't just this sick person;
in fact, it's universal.
And something is stimulated inside of him.
So he keeps getting the chariot driver to take him out, and he sees, you know, horror after horror.
And on his third trip outside, he... he meets a corpse, and he recognizes impermanence and suffering and death as the real state of things;
the world that he had been protected from, shielded from, kept from seeing.
And he was shocked.
You know, he was shocked, and he realized, "this is my fate too.
I will also become old.
I will also become ill.
I will also die.
How do I deal with these things?"
These are universal questions in any human being's life:
what it's like to be in a body inside of time, and our fate, and how do we navigate that?
It really is a tale of the transformation from a certain naive, innocent relationship to your own life to wanting to know the full story, wanting to know the full truth.
And then the fourth trip outside, he sees a spiritual seeker: someone who has decided to live a life completely other than his life in order to escape from impermanence, suffering, and death.
So he has this sort of traumatic encounter with the pain and suffering of life.
We try to protect our children.
We don't want to let our children see all the pain that's in the world.
But at a very early age, at a time before he could remember anything, at a time before there was conceptual thought, he already suffered the worst kind of loss that one could suffer.
Suddenly and mysteriously, his mother died when he was a week old.
So something tragic happened, you know, right at the beginning.
That might be what it takes to become a Buddha—is that you have to suffer on such a primitive level.
29 years old, profoundly troubled, Siddhartha was determined to comprehend the nature of suffering.
He resolved to leave the palace.
His wife had just given birth to a baby boy.
Siddhartha called him Rahula,
"fetter".
He names his son "fetter".
He names his son "ball and chain".
"This is the fetter that will keep me tethered to this life.
This is what will keep me imprisoned".
Late one summer evening, Siddhartha went into his wife's room.
A lamp of scented oil lit up.
His wife lay sleeping on a bed strewn with flowers, cradling their newborn son in her arms.
He gazed from the threshold, deep in thought.
"If I take my wife's hand from my son's head and pick him up and hold him in my arms, it will be painful for me to leave".
He turned away and climbed down to the palace courtyard.
His beloved horse Kanthaka was waiting.
As he rode toward the city's northern wall, he leapt high into the air.
Mara, the tempter god of desire, was waiting.
"You are destined," Mara told him, "to rule a great empire.
Go back, and worldly power will be yours".
Siddhartha refused.
He left grief and probably absolute puzzlement and dismay in the hearts of wife, in the infant son, who was innocent and yet was suddenly fatherless, and, of course, his own father.
But there is no knowledge won without sacrifice.
And this is one of the hard truths of human existence:
in order to gain anything, you must first lose everything.
Siddhartha was alone in the world for the first time.
On the bank of a nearby river, he drew his sword.
"Although my father and stepmother were grieving with tears on their faces," he said,
"I cut off my hair.
I put on the yellow robes and went forth from home into homelessness.
I had been wounded by the enjoyment of the world, and I had come out longing to obtain peace".
Siddhartha wandered south, toward the holy Ganges river.
Once a great prince, now he became a beggar, surviving on the charity of strangers.
he slept on the cold ground in the dark forests of banyan, teak, and sal that covered the northeastern plain; frightening places where wild animals roamed and dangerous spirits were said to live.
He is going out to see what there is.
He's a seeker.
He doesn't have a teaching yet.
He doesn't have an understanding yet.
He doesn't have an insight yet.
He doesn't have a solution yet, but he recognizes the problem.
Siddhartha could not expect help from the religion of the time, the ancient Vedic religion, steeped in ceremony and ritual.
Some of its rituals still live on in ceremonies conducted by
Hindu priests, who chant Vedic formulas more than 2,500 years old.
For centuries, the
Vedic rituals had commanded respect for the gods and inspired conviction.
But by Siddhartha's time, the rituals no longer spoke to the spiritual needs of many Indians, leaving a spiritual vacuum and a sense of foreboding.
The gods become less important than the rituals themselves.
It's a period of great unrest.
It was a period of social upheaval, social change.
Cities were growing, generating new wealth and spiritual hunger.
As one ancient voice cried out in despair:
"The oceans have dried up;
mountains have crumbled;
the pole star is shaken;
the earth founders;
the gods perish.
I'm like a frog in a dry well".
A lot of people aren't satisfied with the religion that they grew up in.
And when prince Siddhartha decides to give up his life, he's doing something that lots of other people were doing.
Siddhartha joined thousands of searchers like himself, renunciants: men and even a few women who had renounced the world, embracing poverty and celibacy, living on the edge, just as spiritual seekers still do in India today.
Now, at this time in India, there were lots of renunciants out there.
It's a flourishing renunciant tradition.
There are many different people who have given everything up and practice austerities and meditate in order to escape from the cycle of death and rebirth.
The notion of reincarnation is something that's part of
Indian culture, part of Indian civilization, part of Indian religion, that was there long before the Buddha, and it was the... in a sense, the problem that the Buddha faced.
Suffering didn't begin at birth and finish with death.
Suffering was endless, unless it was possible to find a way out, become enlightened, become a Buddha.
In his time, there was a sense of death not being final but of death leading inexorably to rebirth and of beings, suffering beings, bound to the wheel of death and rebirth.
It is said that
Siddhartha had lived many lives before this one,
As countless animals... innumerable human beings... and even gods;
across four incalculable ages, the sacred texts say, and many aeons, experiencing life in all its different forms.
Siddhartha's previous lives, many aeons, sometimes as a human being, sometimes as an animal, but then gradually using his practice, becoming more higher and higher and deeper, deeper.
The idea is, from life to life, to progress more and more towards the enlightenment and become wiser and wiser.
Some beings will stubbornly insist on their ignorance and their egotism, and they will charge ahead, grabbing and eating what they can in front of themselves and being dissatisfied but thinking that the next bite will do it.
And they will die and be reborn and die and be reborn infinite times.
It could take them, you know, a billion lifetimes if they are very stubborn, you know.
And becoming a Buddha, becoming enlightened, is the only way of getting out of the continual cycle of death and rebirth.
Now, rebirth here isn't the popular notion that, you know, in my past life, I was
Cleopatra floating down the
Nile or Napoleon.
It's as if every life is going through junior high school again, over and over and over.
With the authority of the priests worn thin and wisdom seekers like Siddhartha roaming the countryside, holy men emerged, teaching their own spiritual disciplines.
Siddhartha apprenticed himself to one of them, a celebrated guru who taught that true knowledge could never come from ritual practice alone.
It was necessary to look within.
"You may stay here with me,"
the guru told him.
"A wise person can soon dwell in his teacher's knowledge and experience it directly for himself".
Siddhartha set himself to learn the rigorous practices the guru prescribed.
The teachers of the time are already teaching forms of yoga and meditation, teaching that the self-reflective capacity of the mind can be put to use to tame the mind, to tame the passions.
That was already established in
India.
And there were probably so many schools of yoga and meditation in those days, just as there are now.
Although yoga appears to focus on controlling the body, it is in fact an ancient, spiritual discipline, a form of meditation, harnessing the energies of the body to tame the mind.
Some yogis learn to sit without moving for hours, breathing more and more slowly until they seem to be barely breathing at all.
All kinds of trance states are possible through meditation.
If you hold the mind, if you concentrate the mind on a single object, you know, be it a word or a candle flame or a sound, it's possible to transport the mind into all kinds of interesting places.
The person who was to become the Buddha was very good at all of those practices.
He was a super student, doing these practices, taking them to their limit, and no matter what he did in these practices, he was still stuck in the pain that he set out with.
He ascends to these very rarified states of consciousness, but it's not permanent, and it does not bring penetrating truth into the nature of reality.
So these become a temporary escape from the problem of existence, but they don't solve the problem.
Siddhartha apprenticed himself to another popular guru, but the results were the same.
"The thought occurred to me,"
he said later, "this practice does not lead to direct knowledge, to deeper awareness".
Disenchanted, he left this master too.
Siddhartha continued to drift south, still searching for the answer to his questions:
Why do human beings suffer?
Is there any escape?
He's trying and trying and searching and searching, and he already experienced extreme luxuries, so now he tries extreme deprivation.
Among the renunciants, asceticism was a common spiritual practice: punishing the body as a way to attain serenity and wisdom.
Siddhartha fell in with five other ascetics and soon was outdoing them in mortifying the flesh, subjecting his body to extremes of hardship and pain.
The body represents a fundamental problem.
Old age brings a decrepitude to the body.
Sickness brings pain and suffering to the body.
And death is ultimately the cessation of the functioning of the body.
So there was a sense that if you could punish the body sufficiently, you could escape its influence.
You could transcend some of the limitations that the body seemed to impose.
The ascetic pursues the truth by taking the requirements of survival down to the absolute minimum possible:
barely enough food to stay alive, no protection from the elements, no heat, sit in the cold, sit in the rain, meditate fiercely for all the hours of awakening.
The step of renunciation, of shedding everything, of dying, the feeling that one is dying to one's life as it was, is essential to being reborn as someone who sees.
Ascetics can still be seen in India, firm in the belief that by subduing the flesh, they can gain spiritual power.
emaciated, exhausted,
Siddhartha punished himself for six years, trying to put an end to the cravings that beset him.
He tortures himself, trying to destroy anything within himself that he sees as bad.
The spiritual traditions of that time said you can be liberated if you eliminate everything that's human: you know, everything that's coarse and vulgar, every bit of anger, every bit of desire.
If you... you know, if you wipe that out with force of will, then you can go into some kind of transcendental state.
and the Buddha tried all that, and he became, you know, the most anorectic of the anorectic ascetics.
He was eating one grain of rice per day.
He was drinking his own urine.
He was standing on one foot.
He was sleeping on nails.
He did it all to the utmost.
"My body slowly became extremely emaciated,"
Siddhartha said.
"my limbs became like the jointed segments of vine or bamboo stems.
My spine stood out like a string of beads.
My ribs jutted out like the jutting rafters of an old, abandoned building.
The gleam of my eyes appeared to be sunk deep in my eye sockets, like the gleam of water deep in a well.
My scalp shriveled and withered like a green bitter gourd shriveled and withered in the heat and wind".
What he was trying to do was pushing his body to the most extreme that he could.
But then he realized that from that, he cannot gain what he wants.
Trying to torture the body, the body becomes too much.
The whole attention is given to the body, nothing else.
He surrendered himself completely to the hard training that he was given.
And what he discovered, having tried this completely for many years, was that he had not answered his question.
It hadn't worked.
he was on the verge of death, dying, unawakened, when he remembered something.
he remembered a day when he was young and sat by the river with his father and the perfection of the world as it was simply gave itself to him.
Years before, when
Siddhartha was a small boy, his father, the king, had taken him to a spring planting festival.
while he watched the ceremonial dancing, he looked down at the grass.
He thought about the insects and their eggs... destroyed as the field was planted.
He was overwhelmed with sadness.
One great taproot of
Buddhism is compassion, which is the deep affection that we feel for everything because we're all in it together... be it other human beings, other animals, the planet as a whole, the creatures of this planet,
the trees and rivers of this planet.
Everything is connected.
It was a beautiful day.
His mind drifted.
As if by instinct, he crossed his legs in the yoga pose of meditation.
And the natural world paid him homage.
As the sun moved through the sky, the shadows shifted, but the shadow of the rose apple tree where he sat remained still.
He felt a sense of pure joy.
the joy that he found is in the world that is already broken.
It's in this transitory world that we're all a part of.
And the fabric of this world... despite the fact that it can seem so horrible, the underlying fabric of this world actually is that joy that he recovered.
That was his great insight.
"But," he says, "i can't sustain a feeling of joy like this if i don't take any food, so i better eat something".
And then at that moment, a village maiden mysteriously appears carrying a bowl of rice porridge.
And she said to him, "here, eat".
that moment of generosity and release when he accepted the rice was a decision towards life.
It was what in the Christian tradition might be called
"grace," that you cannot do it completely on your own.
And in Christianity, the grace comes from the divine.
In the story of the Buddha, the grace comes from the ordinary, kind heart of a girl who sees somebody starving and says, "eat".
There's something beautiful.
whenever I remember that story, it makes me so happy because
I see the heart of Buddha as the person he was, like the
Siddhartha.
This dish was the dish he used to be fed by his stepmother, rice pudding.
He was missing that so much.
and then he remembered maybe further and further, and he remembered about his wife, about his son.
And the deepest emotions that he had suppressed, they overpower.
They came up.
They were still there.
And he had a feeling of missing.
He had a feeling of seeing his son and a feeling of being near his loved ones.
They were so powerful.
Oh, this must have soaked his whole entire being.
He was actually an utter failure.
He had been clinging to the path of asceticism.
And when he took the food, what followed was a return of his original question.
Life is painful.
Life involves change.
This is still a problem.
The problem didn't disappear.
It wasn't long before the ascetics who had been
Siddhartha's companions found him eating and turned away in disgust.
"Siddhartha loves luxury,"
they said.
"He has forsaken his spiritual practice.
He has become extravagant".
But the man who will become the Buddha realizes that extreme deprivation isn't the way to go.
We can live as normal human beings.
We can eat and drink.
And, in fact, we kind of need to eat and drink and be normal human beings in order to break through, in order to attain the kind of realization that he was looking for.
Siddhartha had put his faith in two gurus.
They hadn't helped him.
He had punished his mind and body.
That had almost killed him.
Now he knew what he must do.
to find the answer to his questions, he would look within and trust himself.
Bodh Gaya is a small town in northeastern India.
Throngs of pilgrims have come here from all over the world for more than 16 centuries.
For Buddhists, there are hundreds of holy places but none more sacred than this one.
Bodh Gaya is the sacred point from which the Buddhist faith radiates.
Some pilgrims travel great distances, reciting prayers and prostrating themselves every step of the way.
It is their Mecca and Jerusalem.
Their holy of holies is not the imposing temple beside them but a simple fig tree: ficus religiosa, the Bodhi tree.
The tree, it is said, is descended from the Buddha's time.
Every pilgrim knows the story of how Siddhartha, after accepting the rice milk from the young girl, put aside the rags he was wearing, bathed himself in a nearby river, and, strengthened, sat down in the
shade of the Bodhi tree, and began to meditate.
It was springtime.
the moon was full.
Before the sun would rise,
Siddhartha's long search would be over.
He sat down under a bodhi tree, in the shelter of the natural world in all of its beauty and fullness, and he said, "I will not move from this place until I have solved my problem".
"Let my skin and sinews and bones dry up, together with all the flesh and blood of my body," he said.
"I welcome it.
but I will not move from this spot until I have attained the supreme and final wisdom".
All at once, Mara, Lord of
Desire, rose to challenge him.
With an army of demons, he attacked.
Siddhartha did not move, and their weapons turned into flowers.
Mara is the ruler of this realm of desire, this world that we all live in.
And what he's afraid Siddhartha is going to do when he attains enlightenment and becomes the
Buddha is conquer that world.
That is, he's going to do away with desire.
He's going to... he's going to wreck the whole game.
Mara did not give up.
He sent his three daughters to seduce him.
Siddhartha remained still.
When he faces Mara, he faces himself and his own destructive capacity.
But he's not the warrior trying to do battle with those qualities.
He's discovered his own capacity for equanimity.
He has become like, you know, the top of the great Himalayan mountains, you know:
the weather is passing over him, storms are raging around him, and he sits like the top of the mountain... impassive... not in a trance state, you know, totally aware of everything.
So he frustrates Mara.
Siddhartha resisted every temptation Mara could devise.
The Lord of Desire had one final test.
He demanded to know who would testify that Siddhartha was worthy of attaining ultimate wisdom, and his demon army rose up to support him.
Siddhartha said nothing.
he reached down and touched the ground, and the earth shuddered.
Mara's demons fled.
the Buddha reaches down and, with his finger, touches the
Earth.
he says, "the Earth is my witness".
He said, "Mara, you are not the Earth.
the Earth is right here, beneath my finger".
And the Earth is what we're talking about... accepting the Earth, not owning the Earth, not possessing the
Earth, but the Earth just as it is: abused and exploited and despised and rejected and plowed and mined and spat on and everything else, you know.
It's still the Earth, and it's... it is... it's... we owe everything to it.
Siddhartha meditated throughout the night, and all his former lives passed before him.
He remembers all his previous lives, infinite numbers of previous lives, female and male and every other race and every other being in the vast ocean of life-forms.
And he remembered that all viscerally.
So that means his awareness expanded to be... so that all the moments of the past were completely present to him.
He gains the power to see the process of birth, death, and rebirth that all creatures go through.
he's given this sort of cosmic vision of the workings of the entire universe.
As the morning star appeared, he roared like a lion.
"My mind," he said,
"is at peace".
The heavens shook, and the bodhi tree rained down flowers.
He had become the "Awakened
One," the Buddha.
Something new opens up for him, which he calls "Nirvana"
or which he calls "awakening".
He said, "at this moment, all beings and I awaken together".
So it was not just him.
It was all the universe.
He touched the Earth.
"as Earth is my witness, seeing this morning star, all things and I awaken together".
It's not like entering a new state.
It's uncovering or surrendering to the reality that has always been there.
He realized he'd always been in
Nirvana, that Nirvana was always the case.
Your reality itself is Nirvana.
It's the unreality, it's your ignorance that makes you think you're this self-centered separate being trying to fight off an overwhelming universe and failing.
You are that universe.
You're already enlightened.
He's saying the capacity for enlightenment... that your awake-ness already exists within you.
Nirvana is this moment seen directly.
There is nowhere else than here.
The only gate is now.
The only doorway is your own body and mind.
There's nowhere to go.
There's nothing else to be.
There's no destination.
It's not something to aim for in the afterlife.
It's simply the quality of this moment.
Just this.
Just this, this room where we are.
Pay attention to that.
Pay attention to who's there.
Pay attention to what isn't known there.
Pay attention to what is known there.
Pay attention to what everyone is thinking and feeling,
What you're doing there.
Pay attention.
Pay attention.
For weeks, the Buddha remained near the Bodhi tree, peaceful and serene.
He was tempted to retire into a profound solitude, instead of trying to teach others what it had taken him six long years to discover for himself.
He wants to stay there.
He's very happy.
He doesn't want to go out.
He says to himself, "No one is going to understand this.
You know, people are going to think I'm crazy.
They're going to think I'm nuts".
Buddha saw the nature of the people: envy and jealousy and the strong negative mental states.
All the people in the world, they are like the fishes wriggling in the very shallow water.
So Buddha, he himself afraid to teach the people.
The myth is that a god comes to the Buddha.
Brahma comes on his knees and says, "Please, we need you.
Why don't you try talking about what you just understood?
'Cause the world needs... the gods need it, and the men need it".
You know, "the people need it".
And then Buddha decided to give his teachings... because of a great compassion.
It's not an ordinary compassion.
When you feel the feelings of others, you automatically don't want them to feel bad.
You feel the feeling of your hand; you don't put it in the oven.
I mean, you're not being compassionate to your hand.
You just feel the pain, so you're not gonna put it there.
So if you feel other's pain, you're going to do your best to help them alleviate it.
When somebody becomes enlightened, something blooms in his heart.
It's like a flower blooms, and it cannot hold the fragrance.
It has to naturally release.
so it's like he naturally had to release his radiance.
He has to share this joy that was in his heart.
35 years old, the Buddha would devote the rest of his life to bringing his teachings... the Dharma, the fundamental laws of all things... into the world.
But as he had feared, it would not be easy.
As he set off to share what he had learned, he met a wandering ascetic.
"Who is your guru?"
the ascetic asked him.
the Buddha said he had no guru, that he had attained enlightenment on his own.
"It may be so," the ascetic said and walked away.
On his first attempt to teach, the Buddha had failed.
Buddha meets someone who doesn't see anything special about him, because the awakened
Buddha doesn't look any different from anybody else.
He is ordinary.
Buddhism is not about being special.
Buddhism is about being ordinary.
And it is not about the continual exudation of bliss.
It is about walking a normal human life with normal human beings, doing normal human things, and this reminds you that you yourself might be a Buddha.
At this moment, the person you're looking at might be one.
It's an interesting practice;
just each person you see as you walk down the street: "Buddha?
Buddha?
Buddha.
Buddha.
Buddha".
from Bodh Gaya, the
Buddha walked west nearly 200 miles and crossed the Ganges river.
He was still searching for a way to explain to others what he feared was unexplainable, the path to the enlightenment he himself had experienced.
In a deer park in Sarnath, not far from the Ganges, he would try again.
His five former companions were still practicing the austerities he himself had abandoned.
"From far off, they saw me coming and, on seeing me, made a pact with one another,"
the Buddha recalled.
"Friends, here comes
Siddhartha, living luxuriously, straying from his ascetic practice.
He doesn't deserve to be bowed down to".
These are his buddies, who were just disappointed and disgusted with him for giving in after they'd all been trying to starve themselves into enlightenment.
So they... they're a little distrustful at the beginning.
They refer to him as an equal, and he then tells them,
"No, that's not the term you should use when you refer to a tathagata, a being who's gone beyond".
And so he sets them straight.
and they then become the first people to hear the content of what he realized under the
Bodhi tree.
His first teaching would later be called 'setting in motion the wheel of the
Dharma' because it brought the
Buddha's message into the world for the first time.
He did not propound a dogma.
Instead, he spoke from his own experience, out of his own heart.
He had known the abandon of the sensualist and the rigors of the ascetic.
Now he would disavow both of them.
The Buddha said, "I've discovered a new way, and it's not the path of asceticism, and it's not the path of sensory indulgence.
It's the middle way".
What the Buddha was always doing was saying, "Everything needs to be balanced".
So, you know, the middle way was always balancing between, you know, excesses on this side, excesses on the other side.
"fair goes the dancing when the sitar is tuned.
Tune us the sitar neither high nor low, and we will dance away the hearts of men.
But the string too tight breaks... and the music dies.
The string too slack has no sound, and the music dies.
There is a middle way.
Tune us the sitar neither low nor high, and we will dance away the hearts of men".
The path to enlightenment lay along the middle way, the Buddha taught, and the ascetics listened.
Now he would answer the question that six years before had provoked his spiritual journey:
the question of suffering.
Buddhists don't have a creation story.
There is no creator deity.
It's not really of interest.
It's not an issue.
What's of interest is the problem of human suffering and the solution to human suffering.
Pretty much everything else, all right, is beside the point.
The Buddha's analysis of suffering came in the form of what have come to be called
"the Four Noble Truths".
There is no commandments or anything.
The first Noble Truth is that there is suffering in this world.
Generally, this "suffering" has been mistranslated.
"Suffering" is not entirely accurate to the word that the
Buddha probably used.
It means something closer to
"dissatisfaction" ...that, you know, we're never quite happy, and if we are, that's gone in an instant, anyhow.
And he says that this suffering, this unsatisfactoriness, doesn't arise by itself; it has causes.
Our own mind causes it.
While the Second Noble
Truth asserts that suffering has a cause, the Third Noble
Truth makes an astonishing claim.
You really can be free of suffering by understanding the cause of suffering.
But nobody tells you that, and so that was a huge announcement.
The problem, Buddha taught, is desire, how to live with the confused and entangling desires of our own minds.
People often misunderstand
Buddhism as saying:
"In order to wipe out suffering, you have to wipe out desire".
If that was what the Buddha was saying, then where does the desire for enlightenment fit in, you know?
The Buddha's saying:
"Be smart about your desires".
With the Fourth and final Noble Truth, the Buddha laid out a series of instructions for his disciples to follow, a way of leading the mind to enlightenment called
"the Noble Eightfold Path,"
the cultivation of moral discipline, mindfulness, and wisdom.
They are, as I like to think of them, a set of possible recipes that you can try on your own life and see which one makes the best soup.
The Buddha didn't speak for long, but when he was finished, the five skeptical ascetics had been won over.
They became his first disciples.
Word quickly spread of the sage teaching in the deer park at
Sarnath.
Hundreds came to hear him and became disciples too.
Many were wealthy merchants or their sons, living just five miles away in a thriving trading center on the Ganges, the holy city of Benares.
Today Benares is the most sacred city in all of India, as it has been for millennia.
Even before the time of the
Buddha, pilgrims came here to worship their gods and bathe in the holy river of heaven.
You see people purifying themselves bathing in the
Ganges.
You see priests performing rituals.
You see corpses, because that's the best place to end one's life.
So you see going on there a great range of religious activity, and much of it of the type that does go back to the Buddha's time.
Many of today's sacred ceremonies on the Ganges echo the ancient practices of the
Vedic priests, the Brahmans.
In the Buddha's day, only the
Brahmans could mediate between the gods and men.
Only they could conduct the holy rituals that were said to preserve the universe itself.
The Brahman priests stood at the pinnacle of a rigid social hierarchy: a sacred system of caste.
Beneath them were the warriors, the caste to which the Buddha belonged.
Below them were farmers.
at the bottom were the servants and, still lower, outcastes.
Those social groups are not merely social conventions, but rather, they're hardwired into the nature of the universe.
You're supposed to stay in that group, and the survival of society depends upon your continuing to perform the function associated with that social status.
Caste was irrelevant to the Buddha.
So were priestly rituals to preserve the universe.
His teachings focused on the universe within.
The Buddha said you could be from any caste.
What makes you noble is if you understand reality, you know, if you're a good person.
If you're a wise person, then you're noble.
In time, a devoted gathering of monks formed around the Buddha at Sarnath, near the
Ganges.
Broken stones and fallen pillars mark what remains of what grew to be a vibrant monastic community, the Sangha.
It took the Buddha many, many years to find his way.
But he didn't want it to be so hard for people, and so he established a community who could live together and help one another.
In a ceremony evoking the beginning of the Buddha's own spiritual journey, fledgling monks of all ages say good-bye to their families and homes and join the Sangha.
I go to the refuge of the
Buddha, I go to the refuge of the Dharma, and I go to the refuge of the Sangha.
the Sangha is an embodiment of Buddha's experience and wisdom.
What happens if people practice this thing?
Are they truly happy or not?
Are they joyful or not?
So I think Buddha wanted us to lead a perfect example of his teaching: an alive teaching, a teaching that walks, a teaching that can talk, a teaching that can laugh.
So I would say sangha is just like a living example of
Buddha's teaching.
the first Sangha was a radical institution, open to people of every caste and, remarkable for the times in which the Buddha lived, to both men and women.
The Buddha was part of a culture deeply suspicious of women.
The attitude towards women at the time was very critical, and many things were impossible for them.
So that was a very revolutionary thing to do that in that times of India.
By ordaining women as nuns, the Buddha gave women the chance to escape the drudgery of daily life.
Life was so hard for most women that entering the Sangha was a liberation, as we know from their ecstatic, heart-rending poems.
"So freed! 
So freed!
So thoroughly freed am I... from my pestle, my shameless husband, and his sunshade making, my moldy old pot with its water-snake smell.
Aversion and passion I cut with a chop.
Having come to the foot of a tree, I meditate, absorbed in the bliss.
'What bliss!
'"
Bliss, Nirvana, the Buddha taught, could be found in the fleeting moment through the practice of meditation.
The Buddha showed his followers how to come to terms with their own rolling thoughts and desires by paying attention to them, by becoming aware, becoming mindful.
As an ancient poem counsels:
"Like an archer, an arrow, the wise man steadies his trembling mind, a fickle and restless weapon".
Many times, our mind is not peaceful enough.
So we realize that perhaps we need to understand more about mind itself and how to balance the emotions, how to balance our mind, and try to cultivate more happiness.
The difficulties come from within.
One experiences unexpected things from one's mind:
the most dangerous skeptical doubts, doubts about one's self, doubts about the Buddha.
Physical is... we can get from... from the food and from the supplement of vitamins and... yeah, and for the mind, this is the only way we have to... only medicine.
Meditation is not about getting rid of anger or getting rid of lust or getting rid of jealousy.
Even while becoming a monk, often we experience angers;
it happens.
And it often happens when people start teasing you, like,
"shaven bald-head person".
But it gives a good chance for us to realize that, "Okay, let's see, this anger arises.
What is it?"
What most often happens in our ordinary life is that whenever we experience these emotions, we get stuck into it.
It starts twisting us.
But Buddhism is going through inside it and getting out of it peacefully.
And I think that gives us more joy.
And that makes human life more full, more round.
It's not like... we are not living a partial truth, but it's like the whole of things together.
It takes time to comprehend this.
and then by practicing again and again, the practitioner becomes very balanced, and one reaches the state of very strong equanimity, equanimity towards the physical and mental objects.
And this is the base camp for the summit:
enlightenment.
"After washing my feet," a disciple said,
"I watch the water going down the drain".
"I am calm.
I control my mind, like a noble thoroughbred horse.
Taking a lamp, I enter my cell;
thinking of sleep,
I sit on my bed.
I touch the wick.
the lamp goes out:
Nirvana.
My mind is freed".
"The mind is as restless as a monkey,"
the Buddha taught.
Who you are, what you think of as your "self," is constantly changing... like a river, endlessly flowing,
One thing today, another tomorrow.
There's water in a river, then there's water in a glass, and then the water is back in the air, and then it's back in the river.
The water's there, but what is it?
That's a way to think about the self in Buddhism.
one moment you're angry.
The next moment you're laughing.
Who are you?
"A seed becomes a plant.
Wisps of grass are spun into a rope.
A trickling stream turns into a river".
The self comes, and the self goes.
Simply notice how from one moment to another, your self is actually not as much the same as we think it is.
What the Buddha realizes is that if we can get rid of this fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of the self based on egotism, we won't cling to things; we won't screw up everything we do because
we're thinking about it in the wrong way.
Once you stop centering your feelings about your feelings on your self, what naturally arises is simple compassion:
compassion for your own suffering, compassion for the suffering of others.
Even the most abstract of the Buddha's teachings had a practical, ethical dimension.
Compassion, the Buddha taught, comes from understanding impermanence, transience, flow:
how one thing passes into another, how everything and everyone is connected.
"When this is, that is.
From the arising of this comes the arising of that.
When this isn't, that isn't.
From the cessation of this comes the cessation of that".
This is always connected to that.
Everything is connected to everything else.
You never live by yourself.
You live always within a family, a society, or culture.
You constantly interact with other people all the time.
So our happiness depends on their happiness as well.
How can we be happy if we are the only one happy in... on, you know, just an island of happiness within an ocean of misery?
Of course, that's not possible.
Compassion stirred the
Buddha to send his monks out into the community.
Sworn to chastity and poverty, they wandered the roads, bringing the Buddha's teachings into the world.
"Go forth, monks, for the happiness of the many, out of compassion for the world.
There are beings whose eyes have little dust on them, who will perish if they do not hear the teaching.
But if they hear the teaching, they will gain liberation".
The monks exist by begging.
we think of begging as kind of a bad thing.
Begging in this tradition is a good thing.
It's a sign of spiritual purity.
You're not allowed to beg tomorrow's lunch today... only today's lunch.
Then you can't eat from noon until dawn the next day.
Then you have to go out and get another lunch.
And then in exchange for lunch, you give a lecture, unless they say, "we don't want to hear about it".
Then you don't.
But that's the only thing... but that forces you to interact with the lay community.
And if you're not serving them, if you're not doing something useful for them, they won't put anything in your bowl, and that will be the end of your community.
The Buddha himself wandered across northeast India, teaching and gathering new disciples everywhere he went.
You didn't have to become a monk or a nun to become a Buddhist.
The Buddha's teachings were for everyone.
"Everything is burning.
What is burning?
The eyes are burning.
Everything seen by the eyes is burning.
The ears are burning.
What is burning?
Everything heard by the ears is burning.
The nose is burning.
Smells are ablaze.
The tongue is burning.
Tastes are ablaze.
The body is burning.
The mind is burning".
We're on fire.
We may not know it, but we're on fire, and we have to put that fire out.
We're burning with desire, all right?
We're burning with craving.
Everything... everything about us is out of control.
The Buddha goes on to talk about The Three Poisons, greed and anger and ignorance, and how The Three Poisons are what is making the fire, and the way out of doing this is not to deny The Three Poisons
but to recognize that if you turn them around, you come to their opposites.
Instead of greed, you have generosity.
Instead of anger, you have compassion.
And instead of ignorance, you have wisdom.
"I can give my teachings in brief,"
the Buddha said.
"I can teach in detail.
It is those who understand that are hard to find".
There are stories of people coming to the Buddha and saying:
"I am leaving your teaching because you have not told me about whether there is a life after death or whether there is another world".
And the Buddha says, "did I ever say that I would give you the answer to these things?"
"No, lord, you didn't".
"Why do you think that I never said that I would give you the answer to these things?
Because these are not the things that you need to know.
The thing that you need to know is how to deal with suffering, because at this very moment, what made you ask that question was suffering".
The Buddha was, above all, a pragmatist.
he did not expect his followers to agree with everything he said.
He encouraged them to debate and argue, to challenge him.
Buddha said, "My followers should not accept my teaching out of devotion but rather your own experiment".
Even Buddha himself, in order to get final enlightenment, need hard work.
So investigate based on reason, through logical investigation.
If something contradict, in Buddha's own words, then we have the right to reject that.
As the Buddha gathered more and more followers, stories spread of his miracles, which mixed the marvelous with the mundane.
One story tells how 500 pieces of firewood split at the Buddha's command.
In another, a mad elephant charged wildly down a street, forcing everyone to flee.
Only the Buddha remained, quietly waiting.
The elephant, overcome by the
Buddha's radiant kindness, knelt before him, and the Buddha patted his leathery trunk.
Because miracle is something you cannot understand.
so now I think that within this century, we may find some new ideas or new facts.
so far, we spent all our energy and time for research on matter, not internal world.
This skull, a small space, but lot of mysterious things still there.
The great field of knowledge is as tiny as the Earth is in the universe.
I mean, it's a tiny... it's a speck.
And the... the universe is what we don't know, and it will always be that way.
However much we find out, it will still be that way, because the unknown is vastly... it's unspeakably greater than anything we will ever know.
In one of the most storied miracles, the Buddha strode on a jeweled walkway suspended in midair while streams of water spouted and flames flashed from his body, shooting out to the very edge of the universe.
And as the Buddha sat on a lotus flower giving his teachings, he replicated himself, filling the sky with multitudes of
Buddhas for all to see and wonder.
Do we believe that literally?
Does it matter whether we believe it literally?
What many of those miraculous stories are about is the sheer wonder of it all.
The very fact that the whole of unknown time and space has led down to this... 
led to this very moment when we're sitting here talking... when we are sitting here talking to each other is utterly miraculous.
Sitting here in a room, having had a cup of coffee, having taken it out of a beautiful blue-and-white porcelain mug, what could be more miraculous than that?
Everyday life around us is already so implausible and so glorious, that what need for further miracles?
And that's the teaching of the Buddha.
That's the miraculous teaching of the Buddha.
Violence, the Buddha taught, always leads to more violence.
"To the slayer comes a slayer.
to the conqueror comes a conqueror.
He who plunders is plundered in turn".
War was endemic in the Buddha's age, ravaging northeast India again and again.
Although kings and their ministers sought his council, the Buddha offered no grand political vision.
He was powerless to stop the killing and the fighting.
Even the men, women, and children of his former kingdom were massacred by a marauding king: forced into pits and trampled by elephants.
It was said that the Buddha received the news in silence.
The Buddha failed, but we, as the Buddha, fail constantly, and part of our suffering is our... is our failure, our recognition of our failure.
Buddhism doesn't argue with reality.
There will always be both the potential for awakening in any moment and the potential for incredible damage at any moment, and if we fool ourselves into thinking we're past that, we will do incredible damage.
Change, the Buddha said, must come from within.
The Buddha starts always with the mind and talks about the violence in the mind and says that violence in the world is a result of violence in the mind.
A tree lives on its roots.
if you change the root, you change the tree.
Culture lives in human beings.
if you change the human heart, the culture will follow.
For decades, the Buddha shared his teachings all across northeastern India.
"Let all beings be happy,"
he taught, "weak or strong, great or small.
Let us cherish all creatures, as a mother her only child".
Barefoot in his robes, he was still walking the roads when he was 80, but old age was upon him.
His back hurt.
His stomach was often in pain.
"I am old, worn out," he told a trusted disciple,
"like a dilapidated cart held together with thin straps".
The world is so sweet, he said, that he could understand wanting to live for at least another century.
But he was frail and exhausted.
He became ill near Kushinagar, a remote village near the border of Nepal, when he was offered a meal which would prove deadly.
The food was spoiled.
He ate what was offered to him, and it's said that he knew it was bad, but he took it anyway 'cause it was offered and didn't want the person who offered it to feel bad,
'cause it was his time.
Today Kushinagar is revered by pilgrims as the place where the Buddha finally left the world.
It was in Kushinagar where he grew weak and asked to be laid on his side in a quiet grove of sal trees.
As he neared the end, his disciples began to weep, stricken with grief.
But the Buddha reassured them.
"all things change," he said.
"Whatever is born is subject to decay".
He's saying this is a natural process.
He tells his disciples: "Use this time, use the energy here, even this, for your own awakening".
So he used even his own death and their sadness as a time to remind them of what their real task was.
What he's actually doing is inviting those who are close to him into the experience.
I don't think the Buddha's teaching in any way argues against grief or sadness or loss.
The teachings, if they make any sense, have to make sense in ordinary circumstances, in ordinary lives.
And in ordinary lives, we grieve when we lose.
We... we grieve. 
We... when it hurts, we say, "ouch".
Buddhism is trying to look at things the way they are, the way it is, just as it is.
It hurts.
This is life.
This is our life.
And our relation to life involves losing it too.
You don't get beyond these things.
You don't get beyond them.
It's all right to feel what human beings feel, and we are not supposed to turn into rocks or trees when we practice
Buddhism.
Buddhas laugh, cry, dance, feel ecstasy, probably even feel despair.
It is how we know the world.
It is how we live inside of our hearts and not dissociated from them.
The Buddha had always been saying good-bye.
Now he prepared to leave the
Earth forever.
He would never be reborn, never die again.
"It may be that after I am gone," the Buddha told his disciples, "that some of you will think, 'now we have no teacher.'
But that is not how you should see it.
Let the Dharma and the discipline that I have taught you be your teacher.
All individual things pass away.
Strive on, untiringly".
These were the Buddha's last words.
The Buddha died peacefully.
His head was pointed to the north, his face to the west.
The stories tell how the Earth shook, and the trees suddenly burst into bloom... their petals falling gently on his still body, falling out of reverence.
Divine coralflowers and divine sandalwood powders fell from above on the Buddha's body out of reverence.
His disciples were quite upset: "What are we going to do without our teacher?
We will be lost without our teacher".
But his instruction was so simple and so clear:
"I am not your light.
I am not your authority.
You've been with me a long time now.
Be your own light".
The Buddha saw death and life as inseparable.
These are two sides of the same thing.
Death is always with us.
Death is part of the whole large unknown.
And if we are unable to smile at the idea of the unknown, we're in real trouble.
That's the realism that the
Buddha was talking about: trying to come to terms with reality.
When he was 29 and still prince Siddhartha, the Buddha had left his wife, child, and family to try and understand the nature of suffering.
He had attained enlightenment, shared what he had learned, and left a path for others to follow.
Now he was gone.
But before he died, he had asked his followers to remember him by making pilgrimage... to the place of his death... to where he gave his first teachings... where he achieved enlightenment... and where he was born.
Those four places mark out a sacred biography.
And in tracing that pilgrimage route, you are learning the story of that life.
At places of pilgrimage, temples were built, images were installed, and relics were enshrined.
Although the Buddha had predicted that his teachings, like everything else, would in time disappear,
Buddhism flourished in India for 1,500 years, spread into Sri Lanka, central and southeast Asia,
Tibet, China, Korea, Japan, and in the 20th century, to Europe and the Americas, adapting different forms and shapes wherever it took root, attracting many millions of men and women who practice the
Buddha's teachings both within and outside the monastic community.
But everywhere and in every age, the essence of the story remains the same.
The Buddha said that we've turned this world into a painful place, and this world does not have to be a painful place.
This world can be a world inhabited by Buddhas.
But it's up to each one of us to turn ourselves into a Buddha.
That's really... that's the work.
If the Buddha is not you, finally, the Buddha is of no interest to you.
The Buddha is... the Buddha is of such interest to you because you are the Buddha.
I know that there are supposed to be preserved footprints of the Buddha which are kept in one of the sacred places in India or Nepal, and, you know, you can stand in them, and if you stand in them, maybe
you realize, "Ah, ten toes.
Me too".
There is a story of a Brahman who one day found the
Buddha under a tree, calmly meditating.
The Buddha's mind was still.
he radiated such power and strength that the Brahman was reminded of a tusker elephant.
The Brahman asked him who he was.
"Imagine a lotus that had begun life underwater," the Buddha replied...
"but grew and rose above the surface until it stood free.
So I, too, have transcended the world and attained the supreme enlightenment".
"Who are you then?"
the Brahman wondered.
"Remember me," the Buddha said,
"as the one who woke up".

I've been deceived about Anne of Cleves.
If I had known what I know now, she would never have been brought here.
It is my duty to inform you that Parliament have found your marriage to the King to be invalid.
Gentlemen and Ladies of the Court,
I come here this day to present to you my new wife:
Queen Katherine.
Queen Katherine!
I feel almost like a new man, Charles.
Should the man that woman gives herself to always be happy?
Sex, Charles, is a great medicine.
I do not know who to say this to, Mr. Culpepper.
I am not so used to everyone looking at me.
My Lady, you must give men leave to look...
There is no help for it.
Tell me, my Lord Surrey, how do you find the English Court?
I find it full of men of vile birth.
His family have royal blood.
Surely even you can see the merits of dealing with him!
I invited you here because I wanted to be friends.
What kind of friends?
Lady Mary, it is my dearest wish that you and I may be warm to each other.
After all, you are now my stepdaughter.
Your old friend is here:
Miss Joan Bulmer.
Do you remember when you-know-who used to come in?
Late at night? 
And slip into bed?
For God's sake, be careful what you say!
She's a little fireball.
Too hot for you, Mr. Culpepper.
Really? 
Just picture her naked body, those breasts, those thighs that sweet little arse.
All those things belong to the King.
How happy her Majesty must be, Lady Rochford.
It seems to me she does nothing but dance and rejoice!
She has every reason to be happy, Mr. Culpepper.
The King spoils her.
Almost every day he buys her new dresses or jewels.
It seems he cannot treat her well enough!
I presume the King is also very happy?
His Majesty seems like a new man.
He rises between 5 and 6 am, attends Mass at 7, rides out early to hunt, comes back at 10 for dinner, and attends to business in the afternoon.
I think his new rule of living is intended to keep him fit if you understand me.
I suppose he would needs be fit, if he wants to satisfy her.
She is very... appealing.
She's just a fool, Mr. Culpepper.
A sweet little fool!
How about you, Lady Rochford?
It's been some time since George Boleyn's death;
- You've not remarried?
- No.
The Duke of Suffolk, your Majesty.
Charles, I have something I want to show you.
I've had a medal struck to commemorate my marriage.
"Henricus VIII:
Rutilands rosa sine spina."
"My rose without a thorn."
Tell me: how is Anne of Cleves?
I believe she has settled into her new estates, and shows every sign of being grateful for your Majesty's charity and generosity.
I also understand that she has maintained her relationships with your Majesty's daughters
and often asks them to dine with her.
Risley.
Majesty. 
We shall write to the Lady Anne to thank her for being so conformable, and to assure her that if she continues in this way, she will find in us a perfect friend, content to repute her as our dearest sister.
Majesty.
Does the Duchess love you any better, Charles?
She seems to... but only for the sake of appearances.
How can I help you Charles?
Well, when she consents to make love to me again... strike a medal to commemorate it!
- My Lady.
- My Lord Surrey.
I had rather trusted to hear from you.
Why?
When we supped together, you gave me to suppose that...
Mr. Culpepper.
Your Majesty.
That I what, my Lord?
That you would oblige me and accommodate my desire.
If I gave you that impression I am truly sorry.
It was far from my intention.
Sleep with me.
Don't you know who I am?
Of course I know who you are.
And you know who my husband is!
Yes I do! 
He's a Seymour.
His family are wolves.
Mine are lions!
Forgive me for aiming so low!
My Lord, his Majesty wants to see you.
The Earl of Hertford, your majesty.
I wish I could go dancing like all of you!
Whenever I hear the music,
I feel like nobody has a care in the world!
Look at my cares!
I had someone once who could take care of all of this!
But now he's gone!
How is my son?
Prince Edward is very well.
He is a strong and healthy boy.
He does his father proud.
Thank God.
I trust he will soon be followed by other princes.
I'm making you a new appointment.
I'm making you Lieutenant General to the North.
Recently, there's been too many incursions over the border from Scotland into England.
I want you to deal with my cousin, the King of the Scots, and I want these incursions stopped.
If he does not stop them, you have our express permission to harry and persecute the people on his side of the border with as much aggression and as much force as you see fit.
I understand.
We might, in time, meet our cousin, King James.
For all we know, he may not be as stupid as he appears.
But for now,
I am trusting you to ensure that the Scots cease their... impertinence.
Katherine!
Oh God, oh fuck me!
Katherine!
Oh, fuck me... oh yes... oh yes...
- Oh, Katherine!
- Oh yes... oh yes...
Oh God...
Oh just fuck me...
Go on! 
Tell me more!
I promised her I wouldn't.
Dearest Joan, you can tell me.
I'm responsible for everything to do with the Queen.
So, I have to know everything.
That way, I can protect her.
So... when you both lived at Lambeth, under the protection of the Duchess, what exactly happened?
There were these two Gallants.
They were called Frances Dereham and Edward Waldegrave, who was a Gentleman in Waiting upon the Duchess.
Anyway, they found a way to call, secretly, at night, upon Katherine and me.
And they would lie in our beds all night.
You with Waldegrave and Katherine with this Francis Dereham?
Yes. 
That's how it was.
And what would these gentlemen do to you?
Didn't anyone say anything?
Didn't they find out?
Well, if Dereham used her as a man doth his wife, it was only because she thought herself already betrothed to him.
Like on a promise.
It went on between them a long time.
Still, you won't tell anyone, will you?
You won't say anything?
She made me swear!
No. 
I won't say anything.
Good morning!
It's a lovely day today!
[Peddler]: 
Come on!
Get out of my way!
What are you looking at?
[Man] Take a bushel!
Hey, clear out of here, you fucking slut!
Hey! 
What in God's name are you doing?
!
Starin' at a real woman, are you?
What are you looking at? 
Eh?
Good sport my Lord, good sport!
Ain't right!
The Earl of Surrey has been jailed for public disorder, your majesty.
The Earl maintained he was the scourge of God?
Yes, your Majesty.
And called London itself "a shameless whore"?
Yes. 
He did indeed so.
What about eating meat during Lent?
He told us he had a license to do so. 
But...
But what?
Um, Bishop Gardiner suspects my Lord Surrey of obtaining his meat on the black market, from some evangelical butchers in Honey Lane, near the church of All Hallows.
This same church, your Majesty, is suspected by some of secretly sowing and setting forth Lutheran heresies, and of deliberately flouting the fasting laws. 
Pound it back!
I never thought Surrey could be a heretic.
His father is closer to a Papist... although to my face, he pretends otherwise!
His Grace and I would be inclined, with your Majesty's permission, to examine the Earl more closely on these fundamental matters.
You want to torture him?
No. 
Release him... for now.
Majesty.
We should make plans for the New Year.
Yes, your majesty.
I would like to invite the Lady Mary to court.
Is that one all right?
I'd also like to invite Anne of Cleves for New Year's celebrations.
Bring that through.
Fasten it here.
That's it.
Bring it around this way.
Two rods!
My Lady, here are your presents from the King.
Presents!
So beautiful!
Look! 
So shiny! 
Smell!
Smells of roses! 
It's lovely.
It's perfect!
My Lady! 
Look!
Oh my goodness!
His Majesty spoils you!
I know he does!
But am I not worth it?
Feel it, it's so soft.
I am the Queen of England.
Oh gold! 
I love gold!
It goes with my dress.
- Happy Christmas, Ladies.
- Happy Christmas, your Majesty.
Where are we going?
There are more presents.
More?
!
What do you think?
They're beautiful.
They were sent ahead by Anne of Cleves as a gift.
She arrives tomorrow.
Anne of Cleves?
Yes. 
I've invited her for New Year.
You don't mind, do you?
No, of course I don't mind.
Your Majesty must do as you will.
But... will I like her, this Anne of Cleves?
Wait and see.
I hope the Lady Mary will be more gracious than before.
My Lords, Lady Mary.
Your majesty.
My beautiful daughter, Mary.
Say hello to the Queen.
Madam.
Lady Mary. 
I am very glad to see you back at court.
Thank you for my gifts.
Your Majesty, as always, is more than generous.
Charles.
Lady Anne.
Your Grace.
I remember that you once taught me to play cards.
I am very grateful.
As a result of your tuition, I have won a fortune!
My Lords,
Lady Anne of Cleves!
Lady Anne, welcome to my court.
Your majesty! 
Happy Christmas.
Allow me to introduce to you my new wife,
Queen Katherine.
Lady Anne.
Your majesty.
What a great privilege and honour it is for me to be presented to you.
I am so delighted.
You are very welcome to court, Lady Anne.
We thank you so much for the two fine horses you sent, and wish you a very happy New Year.
Thank you, your Majesty.
I think we should all be merry!
Yes!
Ladies. 
Excellency.
You are not well?
These days I suffer a little from gout, Lady Mary.
- Please sit.
- Thank you.
You are and always have been my most faithful and truest friend in all this world.
I could not bear it if you were ever to leave here.
He ought not to have divorced the Lady Anne.
Now that I know her better,
I think she is perfectly sweet and gracious.
Nevertheless, Lady Mary,
I fear that you will have to reconcile yourself to the new Queen.
No, I will not. 
I hate her.
Then, perhaps, after all, you do not require my advice any more.
My Lady, I wanted to ask if you had any news of my brother Edward?
He's well enough. 
Cold, but well.
Wet, but well.
Apparently, it always rains in the north, and the mud is free.
Will he see some action?
I believe he intends to punish the Scots for their terrible wickedness.
That sounds very like my brother.
If only you could be more like him, Sir Thomas.
What do you mean?
My husband always takes what he wants.
Ladies, you must forgive me.
I rode out early to hunt this morning and am very tired.
We shall dine again together tomorrow evening.
- Lady Anne.
- Your majesty.
My beautiful wife.
Now, I must insist you stay to enjoy the dancing.
Boy.
Boy!
Lady Mary!
I bid you all a good night.
Happy New Year!
[All]: 
Happy New Year, Your Majesty!
I wonder... will you have some more wine, Lady Anne?
With pleasure, if your Majesty will.
Yes.
Wine.
Your majesty.
Thank you!
Lady Anne.
His Majesty tells me that his daughter, the Lady Elizabeth, sometimes comes to see you.
How do you find her?
Oh, she is charming.
So clever. 
And so beautiful.
And so very affectionate.
It is always a pleasure to see her.
You see, I have no desire to remarry, so I am sure I will never have any children of my own.
I think a little that Elizabeth is like a daughter to me.
Surely it is so:
To have had her as a daughter would have been a greater happiness to me than ever being Queen.
Jesus Christ!
That's better.
May I ask Your Majesty a question?
Go on.
Why did your Majesty invite Lady Anne of Cleves for Christmas?
I like her, after all.
She keeps her promises, boy.
Majesty? 
Come!
So, what did this Joan Bulmer tell you?
She said that on the nights Dereham visited Katherine's bed, he would bring with him wine, strawberries, and apples, and other things to make good cheer.
And then?
Then...
What then?
There would be kissing and... he would pull down his hose and lie down with her.
And the two of them would hang by their bellies like two sparrows.
Come here.
"And the two of them would hang by their bellies like two sparrows."
Why are you here?
Taking what I want.
Just like my brother does.
Just like he's always done.
And what if I don't want it?
What if I call my servants?
You won't. 
And you know why?
Because you hate my brother.
You hate him almost as much as I hate him but you can't tell anyone except me.
Well, Mr. Seymour, come into my bed.
Enjoy what your brother enjoys.
It will be interesting to compare you.
Credo in unum Deum patris omnipotentum.
Credo in unum Deum patris
Patris omnipotentum.
My Lady! 
My Lady!
The Queen is here!
Lady Mary, I have come here in person to ask you why you will not show me the respect which, as Queen of England,
I am entitled to expect, even from you.
I noticed, as did everyone else, that you show the greatest respect to the Lady Anne of Cleves, even though she is now just a private person and worth no account.
Forgive me. 
But surely the Lady Anne is worthy of every respect?
She carries herself with great dignity and also modesty, and desires nothing more than to please the King, her Lord.
Do you mean I do not try to please him?
I think you desire almost nothing else than pleasure!
It pleases you, it seems, to do nothing but wear pretty clothes and dance.
Some people may think that frivolous in the consort of a King, whose flesh is also sacred.
If his Majesty thought me only frivolous, why did he marry me?
You are thought capable of bearing sons.
Unfortunately, for all the King's attentions,
I see you are still not pregnant.
In any case, he will soon tire of you.
You'll see.
And what about you?
And what about me?
I think you're jealous.
You're jealous because you're much older than me and you're still not married.
Perhaps you'll never be married, and will grow old a maid!
How dare you speak to me like that.
I dare because I can.
And I can do something else, too.
As punishment for your lack of respect towards his Majesty's wife,
I am removing two of your maids from your service.
A good day to you, Lady Mary.
Here's to love.
To Katherine, Queen of England.
And, God willing, may you soon be ripe with children.
Thank you. 
Both of you.
You are so kind, Lady Anne and my gracious lord.
I am the most happy I have ever been in my whole life.
I have a gift for you.
Oh my God!
May I please see it, your Majesty?
Oh, what's this?
Not more presents?
!
Do you like them?
Oh, I just adore them.
They're so pretty.
- Oh! 
But...
- But?
With your Majesty's permission, I would like to share these gifts with the Lady Anne.
With me?
! 
No!
May I?
Of course.
Oh, thank you!
So sweet!
They're yours.
- Thank you, Katherine!
- Happy New Year, Lady Anne,
Hello!
Hello. 
Isn't he sweet?
Lady Mary!
What are you doing?
I'm going back to Hunsdon.
Have you asked his Majesty's permission?
Why are you leaving?
Haven't you heard?
She has removed two of my maids!
The Queen?
Apparently I don't treat her with sufficient respect.
Madam, please.
I am sure if you found some small means to conciliate the Queen, then the maids would probably be allowed to remain...
No! 
Why should I?
I don't want to conciliate her.
What did she say to you?
She said... that I'm jealous of her.
Because she is married and I'm not.
And may never be.
She ought not to have said such things.
No, but they're true!
They're true!
My sweet Lady.
My poor sweet Lady.
Lady Rochford.
How is the King today, Mr. Culpepper?
He is very well, your Majesty.
He sends you his love and hopes you are well looked after and entertained?
I wanted to go riding today but the weather was too bad.
I'm very sorry to hear it.
His Majesty wants you to know that the military campaign against the Scots has been a great success, and he is most pleased with Lord Hertford and his other Captains, who performed well in the field.
Which field?
It means the battlefield.
Ah. 
I'm glad.
- Glad?
- That they did so well.
In the field.
Is there anything else, Mr. Culpepper?
Yes, yes. 
This book.
It was written by one Richard Jonas, who came here to England in the train of Anne of Cleves, and obviously meant to dedicate it to his mistress.
But now, with your Majesty's permission, he would like to dedicate it to you.
What is it? 
Give it me.
"The Byrthe of Mankind"?
I believe it's the first major work on midwifery to be written in English.
Midwifery?
Mr. Jonas would now like to dedicate it to the most gracious and in all goodness, most excellent, virtuous lady,
Oh! 
Thomas!
I wonder what it would feel like?
What what would feel like?
I suppose I should go down to her with wine, apples, and strawberries, although they are all out of season.
Who are you talking about?
Who do you think I'm talking about?
Hanging by their bellies like two sparrows!
- Do you really want to?
- What?
If you do,
I could arrange it.
My Lord.
- Thank God, your Grace!
- What's happened?
Come. 
Come!
How bad is it?
Your Grace, the ulcer on his
Majesty's leg has unfortunately become clogged again.
We have no option but to drain off the fluid which has collected there.
Otherwise... we fear for his Majesty's life!
Forgive me, Majesty...
This is worse than ever before, your Grace.
What happens if the King should die?
Your Grace must pray to heaven that he does not.
But he looks likely to die!
That is what I'm afraid of.
My Lords, I assure you that I am not content.
I have relied upon you to inform and counsel me and yet I am the most deceived.
I have trusted and favoured all of you.
I have formed a sinister opinion... that most of you are liars and flatterers who look only to your own profits.
I know what you are plotting.
And if God gives me the strength,
I will see to it that none of your projects ever succeed!
I mourn Cromwell's death.
Yes! 
I mourn him.
I mourn him now that I perceive my Councillors, by light pretext, and by false accusations, made me put to death the most faithful servant I ever had.
Culpepper.
Your Majesty, Mr. Culpepper is here.
Thank God! 
May I see his Majesty?
Forgive me, my Lady, but his Majesty remains indisposed.
He sends you his love... and this as a token of it.
I thank his Majesty, but...
It is ten days since I have been allowed into his presence.
Why will he not see me? 
Why?
Have I offended him in some way?
What have I done?
He cannot love me so much if he can so easily neglect me!
Perhaps he has taken a mistress!
Has he taken a mistress, Master Culpepper?
Is that why he won't see me?
I cannot answer your Majesty.
I'm sorry.
Is he with his mistress now?
Very well. 
You may go, since you will not tell me anything, even though you see how unhappy and miserable I am!
You know I would do anything in the world, anything...
To bring you comfort and make you happy.
More than any other woman, you deserve to be happy.
Mr. Culpepper is so handsome.
He's in love with you.
In love?
Yes. 
He has confessed everything.
He loves you madly.
He told me so. 
He said he would happily die for you!
And that he thinks and dreams of you day and night.
Surrey has written a poem about us, which is circulating the court.
About us?
What does he say?
He calls you the wolf lady.
Naturally, he is the lion.
He says you tried to entrap him but he is too noble a beast to be tangled by such cunning hooks!
He also warns you that if you should cross his path again, he will feed on you as you meant to feed on him.
Oh, and he says that we rose high by murdering the innocent!
Culpepper: 
You know I'd do anything in the world, anything... to bring you comfort.
He wants to visit you. 
Privately.
Who?
Culpepper.
He can't! 
That's not possible.
Of course he can!
Just like that other one...
coming to you at night.
You know about that?
Of course I know.
Joan Bulmer told me.
And it can be just the same.
A secret.
Nobody else need ever know... not the King,
not anybody!
Are you sure?
Come! 
Come!

Previously, on The Tudors.
I've been deceived about Anne of Cleves.
If I had known what I know now, she would never have been brought here.
It is my duty to inform you that Parliament have found your marriage to the King to be invalid.
Gentlemen and Ladies of the Court,
I come here this day to present to you my new wife:
Queen Katherine.
Queen Katherine!
I feel almost like a new man, Charles.
Should the man that woman gives herself to always be happy?
Sex, Charles, is a great medicine.
I do not know who to say this to, Mr. Culpepper.
I am not so used to everyone looking at me.
My Lady, you must give men leave to look-
There is no help for it.
Tell me, my Lord Surrey, how do you find the English Court?
I find it full of men of vile birth.
His family have royal blood.
Surely even you can see the merits of dealing with him!
I invited you here because I wanted to be friends.
What kind of friends?
Lady Mary, it is my dearest wish that you and I may be warm to each other.
After all, you are now my stepdaughter.
Your old friend is here:
Miss Joan Bulmer.
Do you remember when you-knowwho used to ce in?
Late at night? 
And slip into bed?
For God's sake, be careful what you say!
She's a little fireball.
Too hot for you, Mr. Culpepper.
Really? 
Just picture her naked body, those breasts, those thighs that sweet little arse.
All those things belong to the King.
How happy her Majesty must be, Lady Rochford.
It seems to me she does nothing but dance and rejoice!
She has every reason to be happy, Mr. Culpepper.
The King spoils her.
Almost every day he buys her new dresses or jewels.
It seems he cannot treat her well enough!
I presume the King is also very happy?
His Majesty seems like a new man.
He rises between 5 and 6 am, attends Mass at 7, rides out early to hunt, comes back at 10 for dinner, and attends to business in the afternoon.
I think his new rule of living is intended to keep him fit if you understand me.
I suppose he would needs be fit, if he wants to satisfy her.
She is very-appealing.
She's just a fool, ?
A sweet little fool!
How about you, Lady Rochford?
It's been some time since George Boleyn's death;
- you've not remarried?
- No.
The Duke of Suffolk, your Majesty.
Charles, I have something I want to show you.
I've had a medal struckto commemorate my marriage.
"Henricus VIII:
Rutilands rosa sine spina."
"My rose without a thorn."
Tell me: how is Anne of Cleves?
I believe she has settled into her new estates, and shows every sign of being grateful for your Majesty's charity and generosity.
I also understand that she has maintained her relationships with your Majesty's daughters
and often asks them to dine with her.
Risley.
Majesty. 
We shall write to the Lady Anne to thank her for being so conformable, and to assure her that if she continues in this way, she will find in us a perfect friend, content to repute her as our dearest sister.
Majesty.
Does the Duchess love you any better, Charles?
She seems to... but only for the sake of appearances.
How can I help you Charles?
Well, when she consents to make love to me again... strike a medal to commemorate it!
- My Lady.
- My Lord Surrey.
I had rather trusted to hear from you.
Why?
When we supped together, you gave me to suppose that-
Mr. Culpepper.
Your Majesty.
That I what, my Lord?
That you would oblige me and accommodate my desire.
If I gave you that impression I am truly sorry.
It was far from my intention.
Sleep with me.
Don't you know who I am?
Of course I know who you are.
And you know who my husband is!
Yes I do! 
He's a Seymour.
His family are wolves.
Mine are lions!
Forgive me for aiming so low!
My Lord, his Majesty wants to see you.
The Earl of Hertford, your majesty.
I wish I could go dancing like all of you!
Whenever I hear the music,
I feel like nobody has a care in the world!
Look at my cares!
I had someone once who could take care of all of this!
But now he's gone!
How is my son?
Prince Edward is very well.
He is a strong and healthy boy.
He does his father proud.
Thank God.
I trust he will soon be followed by other princes.
I'm making you a new appointment.
I'm making you Lieutenant General to the North.
Recently, there's been too many incursions over the border from Scotland into England.
I want you to deal with my cousin, the King of the Scots, and I want these incursions stopped.
If he does not stop them, you have our express permission to harry and persecute the people on his side of the border with as much aggression and as much force as you see fit.
I understand.
We might, in time, meet our cousin, King James.
For all we know, he may not be as stupid as he appears.
But for now,
I am trusting you to ensure that the Scots cease their... impertinence.
Katherine!
Oh God, oh fuck me!
Katherine!
Oh, fuck me... oh yes... oh yes...
- Oh, Katherine!
- Oh yes... oh yes...
Oh God...
Oh just fuck me...
Go on! 
Tell me more!
I promised her I wouldn't.
Dearest Joan, you can tell me.
I'm responsible for everything to do with the Queen.
So, I have to know everything.
That way, I can protect her.
So-when you both lived at Lambeth, under the protection of the Duchess, what exactly happened?
There were these two Gallants.
They were called Frances Dereham and Edward Waldegrave, who was a Gentleman in Waiting upon the Duchess.
Anyway, they found a way to call, secretly, at night, upon Katherine and me.
And they would lie in our beds all night.
You with Waldegrave and Katherine with this Francis Dereham?
Yes. 
That's how it was.
And what would these gentlemen do to you?
Didn't anyone say anything?
Didn't they find out?
Well, if Dereham used her as a man doth his wife, it was only because she thought herself already betrothed to him.
Like on a promise.
It went on between them a long time.
Still, you won't tell anyone, will you?
You won't say anything?
She made me swear!
No. 
I won't say anything.
Good morning!
It's a lovely day today!
[Peddler]: 
Come on!
Get out of my way!
What are you looking at?
[Man] Take a bushel!
Hey, clear out of here, you fucking slut!
Hey! 
What in God's name are you doing?
!
Starin' at a real woman, are you?
What are you looking at? 
Eh?
Good sport my Lord, good sport!
Ain't right!
The Earl of Surrey has been jailed for public disorder, your majesty.
The Earl maintained he was the scourge of God?
Yes, your Majesty.
And called London itself "a shameless whore"?
Yes. 
He did indeed so.
What about eating meat during Lent?
He told us he had a license to do so. 
But-
But what?
Um, Bishop Gardiner suspects my Lord Surrey of obtaining his meat on the black market, from some evangelical butchers in Honey Lane, near the church of All Hallows.
This same church, your Majesty, is suspected by some of secretly sowing and setting forth Lutheran heresies, and of deliberately flouting the fasting laws. 
Pound it back!
I never thought Surrey could be a heretic.
His father is closer to a Papist... although to my face, he pretends otherwise!
His Grace and I would be inclined, with your Majesty's permission, to examine the Earl more closely on these fundamental matters.
You want to torture him?
No. 
Release him-for now.
?
We should make plans for the New Year.
Yes, your majesty.
I would like to invite the Lady Mary to court.
Is that one all right?
I'd also like to invite Anne of Cleves for New Year's celebrations.
Bring that through.
Fasten it here.
That's it.
Bring it around this way.
Two rods!
My Lady, here are your presents from the King.
Presents!
So beautiful!
Look! 
So shiny! 
Smell!
Smells of roses! 
It's lovely.
It's perfect!
My Lady! 
Look!
Oh my ?
!
His Majesty spoils you!
I know he does!
But am I not worth it?
Feel it, it's so soft.
I am the Queen of England.
Oh gold! 
I love gold!
It goes with my dress.
- Happy Christmas, Ladies.
- Happy Christmas, your Majesty.
Where are we going?
There are more presents.
More?
!
What do you think?
They're beautiful.
They were sent ahead by Anne of Cleves as a gift.
She arrives tomorrow.
Anne of Cleves?
Yes. 
I've invited her for New Year.
You don't mind, do you?
No, of course I don't mind.
Your Majesty must do as you will.
But-will I like her, this Anne of Cleves?
Wait and see.
?
I hope the Lady Mary will be more gracious than before.
My Lords, Lady Mary.
Your majesty.
My beautiful daughter, Mary.
Say hello to the Queen.
Madam.
Lady Mary. 
I am very glad to see you back at court.
Thank you for my gifts.
Your Majesty, as always, is more than generous.
Charles.
Lady Anne.
Your Grace.
I remember that you once taught me to play cards.
I am very grateful.
As a result of your tuition, I have won a fortune!
My Lords,
Lady Anne of Cleves!
Lady Anne, welcome to my court.
Your majesty! 
Happy Christmas.
Allow me to introduce to you my new wife,
Queen Katherine.
Lady Ann.
Your majesty.
What a great privilege and honour it is for me to be presented to you.
I am so delighted.
You are very welcome to court, Lady Anne.
We thank you so much for the two fine horses you sent, and wish you a very happy New Year.
Thank you, your Majesty.
I think we should all be merry!
Yes!
Ladies. 
Excellency.
You are not well?
These days I suffer a little from gout, Lady Mary.
- Please sit.
- Thank you.
You are and always have been my most faithful and truest friend in all this world.
I could not bear it if you were ever to leave here.
He ought not to have divorced the Lady Anne.
Now that I know her better,
I think she is perfectly sweet and gracious.
Nevertheless, Lady Mary,
I fear that you will have to reconcile yourself to the new Queen.
No, I will not. 
I hate her.
Then, perhaps, after all, you do not require my advice any more.
My Lady, I wanted to ask if you had any news of my brother Edward?
He's well enough. 
Cold, but well.
Wet, but well.
Apparently, it always rains in the north, and the mud is free.
Will he see some action?
I believe he intends to punish the Scots for their terrible wickedness.
That sounds very like my brother.
If only you could be more like him, Sir Thomas.
What do you mean?
My husband always takes what he wants.
Ladies, you must forgive me.
I rode out early to hunt this morning and am very tired.
We shall dine again together tomorrow evening.
- Lady Anne.
- Your majesty.
My beautiful wife.
Now, I must insist you stay to enjoy the dancing.
Bo
Lady Mary!
I bid you all a good night.
Happy New Year!
[All]: 
Happy New Year, Your Majesty!
I wonder... will you have some more wine, Lady Anne?
With pleasure, if your Majesty will.
Yes.
Wine.
Your majesty.
Thank you!
Lady Ann.
His Majesty tells me that his daughter, the Lady Elizabeth, sometimes comes to see you.
How do you find her?
Oh, she is charming.
So clever. 
And so beautiful.
And so very affectionate.
It is always a pleasure to see her.
You see, I have no desire to remarry, so I am sure I will never have any children of my own.
I think a little that Elizabeth is like a daughter to me.
Surely it is so:
To have had her as a daughter would have been a greater happiness to me than ever being Queen.
Jesus Christ!
That's better.
May I ask Your Majesty a question?
Go on.
Why did your Majesty invite Lady Anne of Cleves for Christmas?
I like her, after all.
She keeps her promises, boy.
Majesty? 
Come!
So, what did this Joan Bulmer tell you?
She said that on the nights Dereham visited Katherine's bed, he would bring with him wine, strawberries, and apples, and other things to make good cheer.
And then?
Then...
What then?
There would be kissing and-he would pull down his hose and lie down with her.
And the two of them would hang by their bellies like two sparrows.
Come here.
×Ö And the two of them would hang by
Ä" their bellies like two sparrows.
Why are you here?
Taking what I want.
Just like my brother does.
Just like he's always done.
And what if I don't want it?
What if I call my servants?
You won't. 
And you know why?
Because you hate my brother.
You hate him almost as much as I hate him but you can't tell anyone except me.
Well, Mr. Seymour, come into my bed.
Enjoy what your brother enjoys.
It will be interesting to compare you.
Credo in unum Deum patris omnipotentum.
Credo in unum Deum patris
Patris omnipotentum.
My Lady! 
My Lady!
The Queen is here!
I have come here in person to ask you why you will not show me the respect which as Queen of England
I am entitled to expect even from you.
I noticed, as did everyone else, that you show the greatest respect to the Lady Anne of Cleves, even though she is now just a private person and worth no account.
Forgive me. 
But surely the Lady Anne is worthy of every respect?
She carries herself with great dignity and also modesty, and desires nothing more than to please the King her Lord.
Do you mean I do not try to please him?
I think you desire almost nothing else than pleasure!
It pleases you, it seems, to do nothing but wear
×Ö pretty clothes and dance.
Ä" Some people may think that frivolous, in the consort of a King whose flesh is also sacred.
×Ö If his Majesty thought me only frivolous,
Ä" why did he marry me?
You are thought capable of bearing sons.
Unfortunately, for all the King's attentions,
I see you are still not pregnant.
In any case, he will soon tire of you.
You'll see.
And what about you?
And what about me?
I think you're jealous.
You're jealous because you're much older than me and you're still not married.
Perhaps you'll never be married, and will grow old a maid!
How dare you speak to me like that.
I dare because I can.
And I can do something else, too.
As punishment for your lack of respect towards his Majesty's wife,
I am removing two of your maids from your service.
A good day to you, Lady Mary.
Here's to love.
To Katherine, Queen of England.
And, God willing, may you soon be ripe with children.
Thank you. 
Both of you.
You are so kind, Lady Anne and my gracious lord.
I am the most happy I have ever been in my whole life.
I have a gift for you.
Oh my God!
May I please see it, your Majesty?
Oh, what's this?
Not more presents?
!
Do you like them?
Oh, I just adore them.
They're so pretty.
Oh! 
But... 
- But?
With your Majesty's permission, I would like to share these gifts with the Lady Anne.
With me?
! 
No!
May I?
Of course.
Oh, thank you!
So sweet!
They're yours.
- Thank you, Katherine!
- Happy New Year, Lady Anne,
Hello!
Hello. 
Isn't he sweet?
Lady Mary!
What are you doing?
I'm going back to Hunsdon.
Have you asked his Majesty's permission?
Why are you leaving?
Haven't you heard?
She has removed two of my maids!
The Queen?
Apparently I don't treat her with sufficient respect.
Madam, please.
I am sure if you found some small means to conciliate the Queen, then the maids would probably be allowed to remain--
No! 
Why should I?
I don't want to conciliate her.
What did she say to you?
She said... that I'm jealous of her.
Because she is married and I'm not.
And may never be.
She ought not to have said such things.
No, but they're true!
They're true!
My sweet Lady.
My poor sweet Lady.
Lady Rochford.
How is the King today, Mr. Culpepper?
He is very well,
He sends you his love and hopes you are well looked after and entertained?
I wanted to go riding today but the weather was too bad.
I'm very sorry to hear it.
His Majesty wants you to know that the military campaign against the Scots has been a great success, and he is most pleased with Lord Hertford and his other Captains, who performed well in the field.
Which field?
×Ö It means the battlefield.
Ä" Ah. 
I'm glad.
- Glad?
- That they did so well.
In the field.
Is there anything else,
Yes, yes. 
This book.
It was written by one Richard Jonas, who came here to England in the train of Anne of Cleves, and obviously meant to dedicate it to his mistress.
But now, with your Majesty's permission, he would like to dedicate it to you.
What is it? 
Give it me.
"The Byrthe of Mankind"?
I believe it's the first major work on midwifery to be written in English.
Midwifery?
Mr. Jonas would now like to dedicate it to the most gracious and in all goodness, most excellent, virtuous lady,
Oh! 
Thomas!
I wonder what it would feel like?
What what would feel like?
I suppose I should go down to her with wine, apples, and strawberries, although they are all out of season.
Who are you talking about?
Who do you think I'm talking about?
Hanging by their bellies like two sparrows!
- Do you really want to?
- What?
If you do,
I could arrange it.
My Lord.
- Thank God, your Grace!
- What's happened?
Come. 
Come!
How bad is it?
Your Grace, the ulcer on his
Majesty's leg has unfortunately become clogged again.
We have no option but to drain off the fluid which has collected there.
Otherwise-we fear for his Majesty's life!
Forgive me, Majesty...
This is worse than ever before, your Grace.
What happens if the King should die?
Your Grace must pray to heaven that he does not.
But he looks likely to die!
That is what I'm afraid of.
I assure you that I am not content.
I have relied upon you to inform and counsel me and yet I am the most deceived.
I have trusted and favoured all of you.
I have formed a sinister opinion... that most of you are liars and flatterers who look only to your own profits.
I know what you are plotting.
And if God gives me the strength,
I will see to it that none of your projects ever succeed!
I mourn Cromwell's death.
Yes! 
I mourn him.
I mourn him now that I perceive my Councillors, by light pretext, and by false accusations, made me put to death the most faithful servant I ever had.
Culpepper.
Your Majesty, Mr. Culpepper is here.
Thank God! 
May I see his Majesty?
Forgive me, my Lady, but his Majesty remains indisposed.
He sends you his love- and this as a token of it.
I thank his Majesty, but...
It is ten days since I have been allowed into his presence.
Why will he not see me? 
Why?
Have I offended him in some way?
What have I done?
He cannot love me so much if he can so easily neglect me!
Perhaps he has taken a mistress!
Has he taken a mistress, Master Culpepper?
Is that why he won't see me?
I cannot answer your Majesty.
I'm sorry.
Is he with his mistress now?
Very well. 
You may go, since you will not tell me anything, even though you see how unhappy and miserable I am!
You know I would do anything in the world, anything...
To bring you comfort and make you happy.
More than any other woman, you deserve to be happy.
Mr. Culpepper is so handsome.
He's in love with you.
In love?
Yes. 
He has confessed everything.
He loves you madly.
He told me so. 
He said he would happily die for you!
And that he thinks and dreams of you day and night.
Surrey has written a poem about us, which is circulating the court.
About us?
What does he say?
He calls you the wolf lady.
Naturally, he is the lion.
He says you tried to entrap him but he is too noble a beast to be tangled by such cunning hooks!
He also warns you that if you should cross his path again, he will feed on you as you meant to feed on him.
Oh, and he says that we rose high by murdering the innocent!
: 
You know I'd do anything in the world, anything... to bring you comfort
He wants to visit you. 
Privately.
Who?
Culpepper.
He can't! 
That's not possible.
Of course he can!
Just like that other one-coming to you at night.
You know about that?
Ä" Of course I know.
Joan Bulmer told me.
And it can be just the same.
A secret.
Nobody else need ever know... not the King,
not anybody!
Are you sure?
Come! 
Come!

Disappeared.
We're guessing he's gone off his meds.
His meds?
He's supposed to co-lead a presentation
For the department of defense on this bio-fuels project tomorrow.
What's your tomorrow look like?
Do you have a suit?
So this is how you use your gift.
I'm sorry, do I know you?
So this is how you use your gift.
She looked at me and she said,
"is this how you use your gift?"
I dreamt about her, too.
Devalos has just found another family-- blood gone,
Posed for pictures.
He wants me to go take a look.
He's getting away!
Stop him!
Turn him around.
You dream things, don't you?
I'm not telling you anything.
If you change your mind.
Jennifer, is that you?
Stay where there are people.
I'll come and get you.
Now tell me what happened.
I, uh... 
I had a dream he was coming after me.
You were right, I do dream.
The thing is, I didn't realize the things I saw in my sleep
Were actually happening.
Not until I went inside the prescott house
And saw them all sitting there-- dead.
It's okay.
We're not going to let anything happen to you.
So these dreams-- did you see him?
Can you tell me anything about him?
I never see him.
Can't even really be sure he is a him.
Although his hands look like man's hands.
And he's white.
I know he's white.
I only see what he sees.
I only see through his eyes.
You make it sound like it's been going on for a while.
Just since the accident.
Just before I turned 16, I was with my parents.
We were coming back home from college night.
I was sleeping in the back,
So I didn't have a seat belt on.
So when the car slammed on its brakes in front of us,
I didn't even see anything.
They say I never woke up.
Just got thrown through that window and onto the highway.
But I actually remember flying past my parents...
Kind of knowing I'd never see them again.
They told me in the hospital that that wasn't possible.
But I still remember it.
And that's when the dreams started?
In the hospital, yeah.
Do you want to tell me about your dreams?
Okay, but, uh, could we get some food first?
At first it was just woods-- walking through woods.
Feet.
I think it must have been near flagstaff.
And then it was sitting in woods and waiting--
Lots of waiting.
And then...
It was hard-- watching it die.
I love animals.
And then it got weirder.
He started draining the blood out of it.
At first I didn't think much of it.
My dad used to hunt, so I knew all about bleeding your kill
To keep the meat.
It was the posing that creeped me out.
He seemed to like taking picture of it.
All shriveled up.
And then he started taking it places.
- Congratulations!
- Thanks.
So do you work here?
Yeah, I head up Green Row's fiction division.
You know what? 
Don't show up at my front doorstep and tell me not to sleep with Kai, all right?
It is none of your business.
Okay, I don't need this.
He's not a coward;
you are.
Why're you doing this to me?
This life isn't real!
The woman in there who I don't remember marrying, the child i don't remember having - none of it is real!
You weren't in a cult.
Your book is a complete fabrication.
If we don't publish this book, we go broke.
There are times in our lives when we reach a crossroads;
when we find ourselves stuck between a series of impossible choices.
Should we move forward, should we turn back?
Which way is the right way?
How do we know?
Whew!
Okay, let's, um...
Let's start with the good news?
There is no good news.
You've maxed out your line of credit to fund the launch of The Purple Door;
there's rent owing;
there's credit card debt to the tune of $14,000.
If you don't find a way to raise some cash, and quickly,
I don't see that you can possibly remain solvent.
Okay. 
So we need to hustle.
We need to turn water into wine, red into black.
Step up our hunt for an investor.
I know you don't wanna hear this, but it might be time to consider bankruptcy.
Um...
Bankruptcy.
Close up shop, move on, learn from your mistakes.
Okay, I can sell my condo.
Julianne...
No, just listen.
With the proceeds,
I can pay off most of our bills.
No, you know what?
You've already sunk way too much of your own money into starting this business, all right?
It's just, it's not an option.
Okay...
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Right?
So we just need to brainstorm.
We just need to find a solution.
Yeah, it's called you take one of the jobs that you turned down to start 50/50.
Hey, stop it!
Stop it!
We don't give up.
Like twin Phoenixes, we, we rise from the ashes.
Right?
!
Right.
Yeah.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Hello?
Hi, could I speak to Erica Strange?
Speaking.
Who's this?
Let me give you a hint:
Think graveyard, white masks, ritual burial, secret society of future literary geniuses.
Antigone Morris.
Good memory.
Wow.
Hi. 
How, how are you?
Great.
Look, I'd ask how you are, but I already know.
Word's gotten out about The Purple Door.
Listen, I can't really talk-
Well, I won't keep you.
I just, um...
I just wanted to call because I have an opportunity that I think might make your day.
Really?
That's, um...
That sounds great.
I'd love to hear about it, and I'm sure Julianne would, too.
The opportunity is confidential.
Julianne is my partner, Antigone, and we share everything, so...
Yeah, I totally get it.
But my relationship is with you.
Okay.
Great. 
Could you meet me tomorrow, 10:30, at Green Row?
Sounds good.
I'll see you then.
Perfect. 
Bye.
Bye.
When there's an impossible choice to make, when we must choose a path, how do we know?
How can we be sure that we're making a choice that we won't regret?
♪ Being Erica 3x10 ♪ The Tribe Has Spoken Original Air Date on November 24, 2010
♪ it's clearer inside of me ♪
♪ who I will always be ♪
♪ open me up to my heart ♪
♪ feels like I'm seeing in the dark ♪
♪ waking me up to my heart ♪
♪ to do it all over... ♪
♪ again and again ♪
♪ until the end ♪
♪ the sum of my dreams ♪
♪ and everything I ever wanted to be ♪
Is everything okay?
Yeah, fine.
Just give me a sec.
Urgh!
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
Obviously something is wrong.
It's fine.
I just...
I just had a long day at work.
I'm tired.
Well, is it me?
I mean, did it...
No. 
God, do we have to talk about this now?
!
- Where are you going?
- To get a drink.
- Adam- 
- Look, Annie, just let it go, yeah?
Fine.
Can I get you something?
Water? 
Beer?
No.
- Hey.
- Hello.
Towel?
Thank you.
I don't need a session, Dr. Tom.
I need a little blue pill...
Psychological impotence:
Defined as a failure to achieve erection due to thoughts or feelings.
So, what's on your mind?
Lots.
I'm a student again.
Summer's my busy time at work.
Group.
So, it's stress.
That's the problem?
Well, let's try to isolate it a tad more, shall we?
So, uh...
Well, what were you thinking about in the moment?
I don't know what I was thinking about.
My brain kept going to other places.
Hmm.
Well, for example...?
Like how I just met this girl,
I don't even know who she is.
Well, that's never been a problem before, has it?
No. 
No, it hasn't.
But I'm 34, Dr. Tom.
I've never even had a long-term relationship.
Does that upset you?
It never used to.
I assumed that one day I'd meet someone and it would feel right, and...
And what, Adam?
And I'd change.
You know, Adam, often our bodies know things before we do.
What does that mean?
It just means that sometimes there are things that we don't allow ourselves to know.
Because we're not ready, or because we are frightened of the implications.
But our bodies are not so easily fooled.
So, are you gonna send me somewhere in my past, to figure this out?
Uh... no.
No, not today.
Thank you, Adam.
Feel the soft clouds lifting your arms.
Now, relax your elbow joints.
Pivot right foot...
And... push.
Push.
Okay, Brent.
Sorry. 
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
I'm trying to build bridges here.
If you're not gonna take this seriously...
No, no, I am taking this seriously, Thomas,
I assure you.
What is that?
Wax-on, wax-off?
Is that what you're doing?
No, Thomas,
I am trying, I swear.
Well, you may be trying, Brent, but no hablamos the same language.
Brent, you just, you don't "get" me.
Your notes...
You're making my chapters worse.
We're not a good fit.
Thomas, I have read the "Secret of Now" 20 times.
I'm trying to understand your genius.
Thomas, this book means the world to me.
What do I have to do to convince you not to do anything rash?
What you should've been doing from the start, and that was finding a way to put yourself in my shoes;
walk a mile in my brain.
Okay, okay, I'll try.
Well, there is no try;
There's only do.
And if you don't, then I'm gonna talk to Frank Galvin about finding a new editor.
Now, go.
You're disrupting my chi.
Go.
My chi can still see you, Brent.
No, I absolutely love the book idea.
I think you should run with it.
Uh, leave the pitch on my desk, okay?
Erica, welcome.
Hi.
My office is right this way.
Great!
...And our biggest title of the quarter is by an author you worked with at River Rock.
Marcus Stahl, "The Addict Within."
- I... 
I loved it.
- Really.
Every time I talk to him, he raves about you.
Oh, that's...
You know what?
That's really nice to hear.
So we have a position opening up for the Vice-President of our non-fiction department.
Oh!
And...
You're on our short list.
I...
Oh.
Oh, Antigone,
I'm obviously very flattered, but I'm sorry,
I thought that this was about a collaboration between Green Row and 50/50, because I'm not looking for a job.
Erica, I'm gonna level with you.
The whole industry is buzzing about 50/50 and Seth Newman.
Word is that you guys are dead in the water, and Julianne is wearing it.
What?
I mean, that's...
That's completely unfair.
Because Julianne and I, we share the responsibility and...
Perception is reality, right?
Julianne has been around forever and she's made lots of enemies.
Look, you on the other hand, you're fresh, and your work is highly regarded, and authors love you.
And jobs like this do not come around very often.
This is a big opportunity, Erica.
Wow, I don't...
I don't really know what to say.
This is, uh...
It's all very unexpected.
Think it over.
Hey, here.
Give me a call if you'd like to be put forward.
Okay.
Thank you.
Well, that's simply not true, Tina.
50/50 Press is open for business.
Yes.
Yes, and in fact,
I have to go because I have Will Appleyard standing in front of me, about to pitch me the next bestseller.
Yes. 
Ta-ta!
Will...
Oh, you don't know how happy I am to see you.
Muah. 
Muah.
How goes the fight?
Oh, you know me, I keep on truckin'.
So what to you have for me?
'Cause I can really use it right now.
"Sweet Dreams, Kitty."
That's a working title.
For what?
Bedtime stories for cats.
I'm sorry?
It's a book of stories you read to your cat.
"The mouse that got away."
Why did you bring this to me?
Because it's ready to go.
Look, Jules,
I know that this title isn't in the 50/50's wheelhouse-
No, no, Will, I hate cats.
I think they're evil.
They lick themselves, everywhere.
I'm just trying to help you out.
Well, what happened, what happened with the sensual cookbook?
'Cause I thought we really hit it off with those authors.
We decided to go with River Rock.
With River Rock?
No!
No, they said that they were put off by Brent.
They said they found him fake.
Gemini published a similar title for dogs last year, and it's kept them afloat.
No, Will.
Will, this is trash.
This is the...
The literary equivalent of processed cheese.
Fine.
It's trash, but it will keep the wolves at bay, and give you time to find that next...
Diamond in the rough.
No one will ever take us seriously again.
I think that's the least of your worries right now.
Okay, tonight's whole menu is Brazilian.
We've got fejoada, farofa, a real churrasco-style barbeque.
Wow, someone's been doing his Brazil homework.
No. 
Uh, yeah.
I got all these recipes from my mom.
She's Brazilian?
No, no, my parents, the communists, moved us down to Minas Gerais when I was a kid - it was like a hippie commune - and it was there where she mastered the art of Brazilian cuisine.
Ah, so that's why you have your heart set on Brazil.
Yeah. 
But...
The beaches, the surfing, the fact that it's gonna be their summer while it's snowing up here doesn't hurt.
When do you take off?
Is it November?
December?
End of November.
Lenin, we don't really talk about our relationship.
I feel kind of awkward bringing it up...
No, no, don't feel awkward.
Okay.
So what is this for you?
Is it a casual fling in between trips?
- No.
- No?
Sam, no.
I really like you.
But you're still going to Brazil.
Well, I bought the ticket before we met.
Why do I feel like you're deliberately misunderstanding me.
Well, what're you asking me?
If I like you?
If I wanna be with you?
I'm asking if this is serious.
'Cause if it is I want you to stay.
Stay. 
And do what?
I don't have a job,
I already got a subletter for my place-
Lenin, you could get a job.
You know what?
Never mind.
If you wanna go, you should go.
Sam, I just can't not go to Brazil.
But you could come with me.
- What?
- Yeah! 
It'd be fun.
Lenin, I just got divorced.
I'm not twenty,
I can't change my plans on a whim-
You plan too much.
Well, maybe you don't plan enough.
You know, adventures are great, but you can't live your life moving from one party to the next.
Yeah, actually, you can.
Well, I can't.
You know what?
I think I want to be by myself.
- Sam...
- No, I'm serious, Lenin.
You should go.
Okay.
Hey.
Sorry I'm so late.
Uh...
Oh, that's okay.
Why don't you sit down.
I'm gonna read you a passage from our next book.
Our what?
Yeah, "Sweet Dreams, Kitty."
Yeah, just listen.
Listen.
"And the little Kitty purr-purr-purred as the hands and fingers of her owner tickle-tickle-tickled her under her chinny-chin-chin.
Sleep, Kitty...
Kitty, sleep."
Yeah. 
Yeah.
It's not even grammatically frickin' correct.
But, but it's a book, and we can get it for cheap, and there's a lot of crazy cat ladies out there on the Internet that are going to eat it up.
I went to Green Row this morning.
You went to Green Row?
Why?
Well, Antigone Morris, um...
She called me in to talk about an opportunity, and I thought that it was for 50/50 Press...
So what, instead she offered you a job?
Is that right?
How did you know?
Well...
It's what I would've done.
We're a sinking ship, Erica.
I mean, great people are really hard to come by in this industry.
So did you say yes?
No! 
Of course not.
And she just offered me an interview, not the job, so...
And I reminded her that we have our own company.
Had.
Had our own company.
Hey, Julianne, what happened to, you know, not giving up the fight?
I am a fighter, but, uh, at some point you have to face reality.
I am not abandoning you.
Well, you can't abandon something that's already gone.
Right?
You gotta take that job interview, Erica.
You do.
50/50 Press is...
It's done.
Can somebody please say something soon, because I'm just this close...
Hey, hey, hey...
Oh... it's okay.
No, Rebecca, you know what?
It's not okay.
It's really not okay.
You're gonna be fine.
You are.
This is a horrible setback.
But everything happens for a reason, right?
Maybe this is what was meant to be.
Erica, can I ask you a question?
Thank you.
What?
Do you want to save your company, or do you wanna throw in the towel?
Obviously, I wanna save it.
It's just...
You know I didn't go into business to publish garbage.
Well, you won't be in business if you keep putting your pride before a viable solution.
Stop whining about how you're too good to publish a book about cats.
No, Adam, it's not about cats;
It's for cats.
So what?
At some point, Adam, every battle has to come to an end, and it sounds like Erica has reached it.
You either win or you lose;
That's life.
Okay, if I believed that,
I'd be still beating the shit out of people for Hastings, and you'd be still a single mother on welfare, and you'd be still a drug addict has-been, and you'd be still addicted to video games and the Internet
instead of having an actual life.
And you'd be still working call center jobs.
It's not easy - it's not supposed to be.
- I know that.
- No, you don't!
You have a solution staring at you in the face, but instead of grabbing it, you're telling us all how it's beneath you.
You... you know what?
You don't understand.
Yeah, I do.
You want us to give you permission to take the interview, so take it.
Stop being such a coward.
You've made your point, Adam.
Adam, I thought you were gonna get started on that retaining wall.
Get off my back.
I'll get to it when I'm ready.
This looks great.
Beatrice.
Hi.
Um... have we met?
No. 
Um, I'm Adam hi. 
It's nice to meet you, Adam.
I'm sorry.
Hi, mom.
Yeah, no, I thought I'd come over there for dinner tonight.
Uh, my date bailed.
Seven sounds great.
Bye.
Hey, where are you going?
I'm taking lunch.
You look like you've seen a ghost.
Yeah, I think I have.
What does it mean, seeing her like this?
Huh?
Why did this happen?
Well, your boss was hired by Beatrice to redesign her front garden, and then you were assigned by your boss to do that work.
That's why.
You did this.
No.
No, I didn't.
I don't believe you.
Well, I'm your therapist, not your matchmaker.
The work that we do together here gives you the tools to deal with your present life.
I actually have no interest in laying out your path for you.
What, am I supposed to fall in love with her?
Is that my fate?
You don't believe in fate.
I didn't before now.
But, Dr. Tom, in another universe - one that you showed me -
Beatrice was my wife.
We had a child, a life together.
Yes, you did.
So...
What do I do?
"But the eyes are blind.
One must look with the heart."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery.
Fierce wheels, Giacomelli.
Brent, today is not the day to provoke me, because I will strike back.
I come in peace.
Get outta my way!
I heard about Seth Newman and I have a solution;
a proposal that could be mutually beneficial-
Move!
Julianne, I am here to help.
Help?
!
Do you think I'm stupid?
No, no, but if you'll just hear me out-
No, I will not hear you out.
Brent, you were my friend.
I loved you,
I trusted you, and you betrayed me.
So no, I'm not interested in hearing your proposal.
I am not interested in hearing anything you have to say ever again.
Lemonade?
Would you like some lemonade?
Lemonade?
It's Adam, right?
Right.
Thank you.
The garden looks beautiful.
I'm hopeless with plants.
Sun and water, it's all they need.
And a green thumb.
Anyway, I should let you guys get back to it.
Sure. 
And thank you for the lemonade.
Beatrice.
Yes?
Um...
Would you like to go out with me...
On a date?
Um...
Okay. 
Sure.
Yeah, yeah.
That'd be nice.
How's tomorrow?
Lunch?
Yeah, I'll swing by and pick you up.
Yeah, that sounds great.
I really enjoy the challenge of taking an author's passion or their real life story, and helping them hone it into some form of entertainment.
You know, something that's personal, that everyone can read, and hopefully, learn something from.
That's great.
Now, has Antigone filled you in on the position?
A little bit.
That the title is Vice-President of non-fiction.
And you'll be reporting to Melanda.
Along with a team of editors reporting to you.
We average about 30 titles a quarter.
Ahh! 
That's impressive.
Wow.
It's a challenging role, but the compensation package is excellent.
So you and I would be working hand-in-hand, determining the vision of the department.
You'd have a lot of autonomy, though not as much as you're currently enjoying.
Of course, and that's to be expected.
Do you anticipate that being a problem - making the switch from being your own boss, to having one?
No. 
Not at all.
I've worked for other people my enitre life.
I mean, as you know,
I was promoted from assistant to junior editor after six months at River Rock.
I worked on the Marcus Stahl book,
I spearheaded "The none," "The Sex Scoop."
I mean, my whole work in the publishing land, it's been collaborative.
So working with others, taking direction, it's never been a problem for me.
I feel like I work well with all different kinds of people and I just...
I really enjoy the process.
Well, I think that's it for us.
- Mm-hm.
- Okay.
Thank you for coming in.
Thank you for the opportunity.
How long have you been in landscaping?
About five years.
But I just recently decided to go back to school.
Landscape architecture.
Are you enjoying it?
Yeah, I am.
It's great. 
Great.
I should've done that a long time ago though.
Why didn't you?
Probably because I was afraid of failing.
That is an honest answer.
And you? 
Your work?
I teach at U of T.
- Oh.
- Religions of the ancient near east.
So, you're a brainiac then?
Oh God, no, no...
I'm just a history nerd.
I never quite got over this childhood obsession with the pharaohs.
Pharaohs. 
Yeah.
Takes me back to like grade five.
What do you remember?
Um, that mummies get really pissed when you wake them up?
No?
Erica.
- Hold up.
- Hey, is, uh, is everything okay?
Everything's great, actually.
Melanda loves you.
You're exactly who she needs.
- Oh! 
!
- Which means you have the job, if you want it.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Uh, I know I'm sure you'll have to talk to Julianne, to figure out things on your end.
Mm-h..
We'll need an official answer from you within 48 hours.
Okay. 
Perfect.
Uh, thank you, Antigone.
Great bye.
Bye.
I had a really good time today.
Yeah, so did I.
Do you want to come in?
Yeah. 
Yeah...
Uh...
What the hell's going on?
Is this your past?
No. 
This isn't my past.
I have no idea where we are.
Dammit, Dr. Tom, this isn't funny!
It's not meant to be.
Where are we?
Dr. Tom:
Uh, an island.
And it would appear that you are stranded.
No, Dr. Tom,
I am facing one of the biggest decisions of my life;
I don't have time to play survivor.
Well, this isn't a game, Erica.
It's your session, as a matter of fact.
And Adam, since you have such strong feelings about the path that she should take,
I've brought you along to help.
Oh-ho-ho... great!
With what?
With getting to the other side of the island.
Once there, you'll both find a way back to your respective lives.
And that's it?
That is it.
How do we know where we're going?
We don't have food, we don't have water, we don't have a map.
Ah, but you do have matches.
Good luck.
I suggest that you get moving before it gets dark.
Look, here's a path.
This way?
Sure. 
Whatever.
Oh, this is gonna be a lot of fun with you sulking the whole time.
Uh, I'm not sulking,
I just don't wanna talk to you.
Adam why?
Why do you think?
Because of group?
All I did was tell you what I thought.
No, you yelled at me.
Fine. 
I was a jerk.
Is that what you want me to say?
Only if you think it's true!
Look, Adam, here's the reality.
Things between us have been weird ever since...
Ever since I kissed you.
I'm over it, so why aren't you?
Oh, calling me a coward was you being over it?
No, I called you a coward because you kept saying one thing and then acting the complete opposite.
You said you don't think about me "that way."
That's fine, all right?
I get it.
But then you have to respect that there are limits on our relationship that you put there.
So don't show up at my front doorstep to start a conversation about who I should and shouldn't sleep with.
Fine. 
I get it.
I apologize, okay?
Okay.
We should keep going.
Ouch.
So, what do you think this is about?
Well, it's about my job, obviously.
I mean, my company, but I gotta tell you,
I don't see the connection between my dilemma and this.
It's a riddle, it has to be.
There have to be clues or obstacles, or something.
Well, he did say that we just have to get to the other side of the island.
Yeah, but it can't be that easy.
Are you sure about that?
Wait a second.
Aren't these the same doors?
We're back where we started.
How is that possible?
Because I told you, it's a game and we're stuck without a rule book.
I... hate this!
This is stupid!
And if I'd knew that we were going hiking,
I would not have worn heels.
What are you laughing at?
!
You.
You're insane.
So what do we do?
If at first you don't succeed, try a different route.
Come on, this way
I see another path over here.
♪ The world keeps spinning ♪
♪ changing the lives of people in it ♪
Oh my God.
Back where we started.
What if we tried taking the path over the bluffs?
Oh, Adam, really, I cannot walk anymore.
Yes, you can.
Come on.
♪ The world keeps spinning ♪
♪ changing the lives of people... ♪
Oh my God, we're back here again?
♪ Nobody knows where it will take us ♪
My whole body is aching.
We're gonna need to build a fire, and try to find something to eat before it gets dark.
What?
Nothing.
I was just thinking about your company.
What you're gonna do?
Well, a part of me thinks that I should just be grateful and take the job.
And the other part...?
Thinks that I should stick with 50/50.
But then if I do, and we really are, you know, dead in the water, then turning down that job, it's just...
It's another regret.
On a list that's long enough already.
The way I see it, there are two types of people:
The ones who take the safe and practical route, and the risk-takers - the ones who carve their own path.
And which one are you?
I play it safe.
At least I did until recently.
'Til you got in here and started messing around.
I think we should get some sleep.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Can I ask you something?
Sure.
What are you thinking right now?
That's such a question a girl would ask.
Oh.
So, does that mean that you're not gonna answer it?
Hmm?
Adam, you are the one that values honesty, so why don't you just tell me whatever it is that you're thinking right now.
Hmm?
Why is this so hard?
I was thinking about you.
What about me?
That you were right;
That I am a coward.
How are you a coward?
Because I'm not really honest, not about everything.
I tell other people to be brave, but then I turn around and I can't be.
So try.
You're up early.
You know, I woke up this morning and I thought that every path that we took yesterday it led us right back here, right?
Mm.
You said that this was a game, but...
I also think it's a metaphor.
For what?
Well...
The woods, they represent my challenge:
You know, do I take the job, do I take the safe route, or... do I fight for my company
and carve my own path?
It's worth a try.
Welcome, weary travellers.
Dr. Tom, really?
You're usually more subtle than that.
Than what?
This lesson:
Make your own path.
Well, you asked for a map, Erica, but you had that with you the whole time.
The map is within you and your feelings are the guideposts that tell you when to go left and when to go right.
Often, we tend not to listen because it's hard, it's scary,
and we forget that there is no other path to happiness except for the one that we create for ourselves.
Now, off you go.
Is everything okay?
So I've been thinking about our last conversation
I realized that travelling to Brazil is obviously really important to you and I would never wanna stand in the way of you living the way that you live, so...
- Hey, Sam...
- Just...
Let me finish.
Um...
I think we should break up.
Do I get a say in this?
I've also been doing some thinking and, um...
The truth is, I've moved every six months for the last five years
and I think that might be a problem.
That's not a problem.
I shouldn't have said what I said.
When I was 19, I quit university.
I thought, why do I need to learn about the world through books, or...
Or the ramblings of some Professor, when the lessons are out there, to be learned and discovered.
And that's amazing.
It is.
But, um...
What?
But then you came into my life and...
For the first time in a long time,
I don't know,
I guess I found a reason to stay in one place.
I don't wanna lose you, Sam.
I don't.
I care a lot about you and, uh...
I would never choose going away over us.
Ever.
Okay?
Yeah.
Come here.
Ugh! 
Brent.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Whoa.
What're you doing?
I'm just sorting through our stuff - we have to decide what we're keeping and what we're selling.
I, uh...
I gave Ivan notice that we'll be leaving this month.
Did you get the job?
Yeah.
But I'm not taking it.
Why not?
Because I'm not jumping off the ship while it's sinking.
So you'd prefer to actually drown?
Okay, it's a bad metaphor, but the point is, is that it's not over until it's over.
It's... it's over.
No, we, we do the frickin' cat book.
Okay, we edit it, we rewrite it ourselves if we have to.
We do what we need to do to stay alive.
Hmm?
Okay, maybe if we moved this chapter about the catnip junkie to later in the book.
Right. 
Behind the story about the canary and the goldfish, right?
Exactly.
Comedy-tragedy.
Maybe this book won't be as embarrassing as we thought.
A girl can dream.
Right.
Brent?
Brent, no, no.
Get out.
Get out now!
Okay, please, please.
Just, just hear me out.
I heard you, Julianne, and I get it, okay?
You have every reason to hate me, but I need you and...
Hmm...
"Sweet Dreams, Kitty."
Clearly, you need me, too.
15 minutes.
Please.
Spit it out, Brent, before we change our minds.
Here. 
Take it.
What is it?
Your next book.
It's crisp, it's pacey, it's gonna be huge.
A celebrity tell-all memoir;
River Rock has no idea it exists.
And you're just gonna give it to us.
Why?
Actually, how can you even do this?
Just so happens the subject of this tell-all is an old friend of mine from my modeling days, and he owes me.
Okay, what's the catch?
Hmm?
One small favour.
Hmm.
Here it comes.
I'd like you to top-edit "The Mystery of Tomorrow."
Confidentially, of course.
You-you'd like us to?
I need you to.
Mm-hmm.
And that's it?
That's it.
I brought Thomas Friedken's chapters with me.
I'll need a pretty quick turnaround on this if you decide to go for it.
Well, let's see who this "celebrity" is, shall we?
Oh, wow.
So what do you say?

Whoa!
[ Gasping ] Wait up!
I can't keep up pace.
Hey, look, to be fair,
I was the one going for a run.
You followed.
You're wearing jeans.
What's with this rink anyway?
Why is it closed?
How should I know?
- You're a reporter.
- An investigative reporter.
Well then, investigate this.
Why do we have a rink that no one can actually use?
I prefer human interest stories.
God, I remember my childhood, Saturday mornings at the rink.
Yeah, me too.
The tights, the glitter, practise my camel spins.
Mom wanted a girl.
Can we just change the subject?
You should really look into this.
The kids in this town deserve a real hockey rink.
Don't you think it's time somebody got behind that?
- For the kids?
- That's a great idea!
Amaar: [ Reading ] "Imam vows to restore town rink for the kids"!
I never said that.
Amaar, if it wasn't true, I don't think it'd be in the paper.
[ ♪ ]
Season 4 Episode 12 Pants on Fire
{\pos(192,200)}I've said it before and I'll say it again,
{\pos(192,200)}we need more promotionicity.
{\pos(192,180)}I don't care if you use it in a sentence.
{\pos(192,180)}That is not a word.
And how did you get so many letters?
It's possible I was cheating.
- How possible?
- Verylicious.
Oh, hey, Sarah, there you are.
We, uh, need to talk about my grout.
{\pos(192,180)}
- I'll take care of this.
- Mayor: 
Gotcha.
{\pos(192,180)}Wait, why are you talking to Fred about grout?
Oh, look, you can make "qrzlntr"!
Doh!
I should have seen that!
{\pos(192,200)}[ Whispering ] Yeah. 
Fred... {\pos(192,200)}
- I can't talk reno right now.
- Yeah, but I'm paying you to talk.
- Shhhh!
- You know, the customer's always right.
But not here.
I told you to come to Hamoudi Construction.
- Well, what's the diff?
- Well, I promised Ann that I would quit the construction biz once I finished the church.
Yeah, but you've been done for a week.
But she doesn't know that.
Oh-h.
So if Popowicz found out you've been redoing Freddy's porcelain palace,
- she'd be ticked?
- She'd be furious!
- You don't want her to find out?
- Absolutely not!
Well, your secret's safe with me.
- Oh, I'm so glad you understand.
- Just like you'll understand when I ask you to knock 15% off your estimate.
[ Gasping ] That's blackmail!
No, no, no, no, this is blackmail:
- 20%.
- 20?
You drive a hard bargain.
"Qrzlntr".
Oh-h!
- Hey, are you cheating?
- Yeah.
I can't save the rink.
You have to print a retraction.
Relax. 
It's one story.
It doesn't mean anything.
Mrs. Wispinski: 
Amaar, it means everything to me that you're fixing up that old rink.
I spent so many happy teenage evenings under those bleachers.
Oh, uh...
Actually, Mrs. Wispinski, I was misquoted.
- No, you're not changing your mind!
- No, I am not changing my mind.
Oh, thank goodness, because...
Oh, Mayor!
Nn-nnh!
Good for you, kiddo!
A thought:
The Mayor Ann Popowicz Memorial Arena.
Just a suggestion.
[ Uneasy laugh ]
Rev. Thorne: 
Amaar, I see you made the papers.
That's a lot of money you need to raise.
You're going to need some real help.
Are you offering?
[ Chuckling ]
"Am I offering."
- This is terrible.
- They love you.
But I can't save the arena.
Then enjoy it while you can.
They'll hate you tomorrow.
I've already planned the front page.
"Imam crushes hopes of Mercy"!
[ Imitating explosions ]
- You're a real friend.
- It's good, huh?
Okay, Fred, hold your horses.
I'll swing by the office, grab your plans and be right there.
- Right where?
- Got to go.
- Nowhere.
- Busy tonight?
[ Laughing ] Of course not.
Why would I be busy?
Great!
Let's grab dinner.
I can't.
Busy.
Okay, let's do this again.
Are you busy tonight?
Oh!
Oh, no,
I'm not busy-busy, but I'm kind of busy.
In fact, make that pretty busy with a chance of busy-busy.
- Doing what?
- Guess.
Is it the church?
Good guess.
Nailed it!
It's the church.
Oh, that pesky church!
Wow, what's left to be done?
The font.
It has to be... re... fonted.
- Re-fonted?
- It's complicated.
Really, really, really...
So I better go.
Church stuff.
[ ♪ ]
Boy, that arena gets fixed up and Bob's your uncle.
No, Obafemi was my uncle.
Bob was his monkey.
So, Bob was your uncle's monkey?
Then I'll be a monkey's uncle!
That was also Bob.
All of our monkeys were named Bob.
Listen to that.
Thanks to you, everyone's convinced that I'm going to get their arena back.
Look, Amaar, how hard can it be to raise a big whack of money?
Really hard.
Yeah, that's what I always found.
Look, I can barely keep the Mosque going.
Do you know how much money it would take
- to get the arena going again?
- $100,000.
Where did you get that number from?
Oh, well, it's what you get when you win this competition.
"Kraft Hockeyville"?
Go online, sing Mercy's own praises, and the cheque's in the mail.
This is perfect!
Why didn't you mention this before?
Hey, it's not my job to put together pieces of information into a cohesive whole.
It's my job to be an investigative journalist.
This is it!
We enter this, we actually have a shot.
Excellent!
Yeah.
What else do you have planned?
Else?
Yeah, I mean, you're the hero, right?
Isn't he, everybody?
Various: 
Yeah! 
Yes!
I mean, you must have something else up your sleeve?
[ Snorting ] Are you kidding?
This is Amaar we're talking about.
He's going to come up with something extra special to knock their socks off.
Ooh, extra special!
Hmmm!
Stop helping.
Sarah: 
I know, Fred, I know,
I am on my way.
No, I can't move any faster!
But these things take weeks.
You're just going to have to find another bathroom.
Well, plan ahead!
Surprise!
- Ohh! 
Uh, Ann!
- Oh!
Oh!
Oh, what are you doing here?
Couldn't let my bestie starve.
Oh, well, you really shouldn't have.
Why, are you all done here?
Oh, no,
I was just, um... popping to the truck to pick up, um... to pick up the... the ice scraper.
[ Laughing ] Oh, don't ask. 
That... that font is a... is a bear.
[ Laughing ]
Yeah, I really need you with me
- at City Hall.
- Oh...
If I knew how long this church job was going to drag on,
I never would have let you do it!
I know, but you did, and that's what I'm doing.
The job you let me do.
So, with your permission...
Think I could have a little peek?
I'd love that, but I'm also doing some... re-pewing.
Mainly in the pew area.
You know, you should really wait until the pews are pewed and get the whole pew effect.
[ Laughing ]
You're starting to sound a lot like Yasir.
Well, you know what they say.
I...
I'm sure you do.
We both do.
Both of us just standing here knowing.
Well, I've got to go... to the church, which is, as I've already established, where all the work I have to do is at.
Yep.
Rev. Thorne: ♪ Were you there ♪
♪ When they crucified my Lord? 
♪
♪ Were you... ♪
Sarah?
Oh, no, Father.
Sorry, I was pretty busy that day.
[ Laughing ] Hiding from the Nazis?
Yeah, we get that a lot.
No, no, no,
I'm just here admiring my work.
There it is.
My work.
Looks good.
Good work, darling!
I'll just leave this way.
She's beginning to sound just like Yasir.
So, hiding from the Nazis?
No?
Does anyone...
It's "The Sound of Music"!
I swear, it's funny.
It's done.
It's all done!
The fonts are fonted, the pews are pewed.
But I wouldn't alter the altar.
You know?
Come on, now, that was a little funny.
Give me something.
Forgive me, Father, for I... have got to go give someone hell.
[ Ominous ♪ ]
Hey.
Hey!
Someone's happy.
I have finally figured out how we are going to make our campaign stand out.
We are going to shoot our very own movie!
Yeah!
I've got a camera, so I could be the camera guy.
Great! 
Now all we need is sound and lights.
Well, my camera has a mike in it, so that takes care of sound.
And we'll only shoot in a room with lights, so that's done.
Also I'm pretty good at hair and makeup.
Like I said, Mom wanted a girl.
Hmm. 
This is going to be perfect.
I have always wanted to be a director.
And I always wanted to be an entire film crew!
Yeah!
-Yeah!
-Okay.
[ ♪ ]
Joe, we want you to tell the people of Kraft Hockeyville what hockey means to you.
And...
- go!
- Okay.
Well, hockey means...
Nate: 
Wait, I'm not shooting.
Okay, now I'm shooting.
Well, hockey means...
Amaar: 
Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, I didn't say "go".
Go!
Okay.
Well, hockey means...
No, you're supposed to say "action",
- not "go".
- Right.
Ahh, okay.
Action!
Okay.
Well, hockey means...
Uh, I'm sorry,
I thought you were going to interrupt me again.
Right, sorry.
It's okay.
Let's start again.
And, go!
No...
Action!
Hockey means...
Nate: 
Ah, just a sec.
Got to change tapes.
What?
We just started.
Yeah, but I can't use the rest of the tape.
My high school cheerleading finals are on here.
Again: 
Mom -- girl.
Amaar, how's your little film going?
- Uh, so far, so good.
- They shot nothing.
Right, which means so far, no bad shots.
Rev. Thorne: 
Amaar, if it was going this badly, why didn't you ask for help?
I did.
You laughed at me.
With you, Amaar.
I laughed with you.
- I wasn't laughing.
- Why would you?
You're in over your head.
Okay, you know what?
- Everyone is counting on me.
- Yes, well, they're counting on someone.
Someone with vision, someone with know-how.
Someone who took a took a film appreciation minor in the seminary.
- Would you like to help?
- Direct?
I'd love to!
All right people, look lively!
We've got a masterpiece to shoot here.
Rev. Thorne: 
And... action!
Mayor: 
Good morning.
Oh, morning.
I bought you a Danish.
Why?
Are you feeling guilty about something?
Guilty?
No, why would I be guilty?
I just thought you might like a Danish.
It's strawberry.
You know what I like about strawberries?
They don't lie.
Unlike tomatoes.
Vegetable or fruit?
Make up your mind, liar!
Am I alone here?
[ Giggling nervously ]
Are you sure there isn't something you want to tell me?
No, why?
Who told you that?
Was it Fred?
It was Fred.
He's a liar.
He lies all the time.
He can't stop himself.
It's sad, really.
What's this got to do with Fred?
Oh, phew!
So it's not that.
- It's not what?
- Not nothing.
So it's something!
I knew it!
It's always something!
Look, if you're trying to suggest the church reno is long since over and I've been using my time to do renovations for other people,
I resent it!
[ Bitter chuckle ]
I'm not saying that.
Oh, good.
Can we pretend I didn't?
Pack up your desk.
You're fired.
[ Weakly ] Ahh!
{ Advertisement }
[ ♪ ]
I can't believe she fired you.
I know.
I am so mad, I could quit!
After all I did for her!
Well, you did lie to her.
Nothing she hasn't done 100 times before herself.
Oh, man,
I would like to walk in her office and quit.
"I quit!"
"What?"
"Choke on that. 
I quit!"
"Oh, but I never thought you'd quit!"
"Oh, I quit, baby.
Sweet revenge!"
You do know you've been fired, right?
Hmm.
Which makes my revenge so very un-sweet.
It's the rhubarb of my revenge.
Hamoudi, be at my place at 6:00.
I want that bathroom fit for a king.
It's a two-piece.
King of Burkina Faso.
It's a small country.
Get a globe!
Oh, forget it, Fred.
Oh, really?
Well, then I guess I'll just have to tell the Mayor a little something.
She already knows!
That's right, Fred.
I'm done with you.
But my bathroom's all torn up.
What man would want that now?
Oh, you want me to finish it?
I'm marking it up 10%.
That's blackmail.
No, this is blackmail:
- 20%!
- But, but...
Fred, your "but" is showing.
[ Laughing ]
Nope?
No one?
Mom, Mom, maybe you should just go and apologize to the Mayor?
Oh, that's brilliant!
Then she has to give me my job back.
Exactly.
Then I will have the brilliant satisfaction of quitting on her.
"I quit.
"I quit.
"I quit!
"How do you like that?
Not much?
Then I quit!"
What?
Amaar: 
Okay, if I'm not the director and I'm not cameraman, uh, what am I?
Ah, you can be the producer.
Yeah, I've never really understood what a producer does exactly.
Well, if the director's the guy who doesn't really do anything, then the producer's, like, director squared.
Yeah.
Hey, there's my little star!
[ Chuckling ]
Who's the kid?
Oh, that's Dylan.
He'll be playing the part of Billy.
You hired an actor?
Ah, he works for peanuts.
Well, not literally, he has an allergy.
Yeah, I thought this was supposed to be a documentary.
Picture it:
Billy, small town boy with dreams of playing hockey in the NHL.
The only thing stopping him?
His town needs 100 grand to renovate their rink.
What do you think?
Be brutal.
This isn't a documentary any more.
There is no Billy in Mercy!
Amaar, don't be so literal.
Billy represents every boy who has a dream.
Now, look, the community has put their faith in you.
Do you really want to let them down?
No, of course not.
Then trust me.
He does.
Mayor: 
Fatima, give me a fudge sundae.
Extra fudge.
And nuts!
Lots of them.
Aren't you going to ask me what's wrong?
You fired your best friend and now you're upset.
You're good.
Yeah, she was my best friend.
Not any more.
She lied.
I can't trust her.
You lie all the time.
That's not true!
That will be $3.
I left my wallet at the office.
Isn't that your wallet?
Damn.
You know, I'd rehire her.
She wouldn't come back.
Oh, I believe she would.
Fred, how long have you been sitting there?
Well, let's just say I'm 20 minutes older,
So, about 20 minutes.
Did Sarah say something?
Oh, she said something.
Said she wanted her job back.
Really?
She doesn't care that she was fired?
Oh, she cares.
The only reason she wants her job back is so she can quit.
What?
Oh, she'll pay for this.
That'll teach Sarah to blackmail a blackmailer.
[ Cackling ]
And it'll teach me to tick off the only contractor for miles.
Wow, I really didn't think this one through.
Hmm.
Let me help you, son.
Boy, mister, it sure would be easier to get better at hockey if this rink had some ice.
A boy can dream, Billy.
A boy can dream.
And, cut!
[ Whispering ] Nailed it.
Okay, we're going to go once more, for you.
Ah, now, it's coming from here.
But I need it to come from here.
All right?
Child actors...
Ah-ha, Mr. Producer, glad you could join us.
Any thoughts?
Yeah. 
Just one.
This whole story's a lie.
Amaar!
Sorry, take five.
Amaar, even Jesus spoke in parables.
It brings a greater truth to the light.
You're not Jesus.
Of course not.
He had a budget.
Now, look, just wait till the community sees what I've done.
I think they'll be pleasantly surprised.
All right, everybody, get set for take two.
Who are you talking to?
Quiet on set.
[ Megaphone feeding back ]
Ready?
[ Sigh ]
Reverend Thorne, thank you for all you've done for Mercy.
You're amazing.
You're welcome, Billy.
But I'm just a man, not a God.
Never forget that.
If I only had one wish, besides $100,000, a visit from "Hockey Night In Canada", and an NHL exhibition game,
I'd wish for everyone in small towns were as awesome as you.
Me too, Billy.
Me too.
[ Chime ]
Well, that's it.
My vision, God's truth.
A work of timeless beauty.
But enough of my thoughts.
What do you people think?
Anyone?
All I can say is "Wow".
Yes, I knew you'd like it.
She didn't say "like", she said "wow".
Close enough.
That was terrible.
And that is not constructive criticism.
Destructive criticism is the only kind suitable for that disgrace.
Uh-huh. 
Anyone else?
Your movie blows.
Ouch.
Well, sounds like people don't like your film,
Amaar.
I know, it...
My film?
Rev. Thorne: 
Yeah, you're the producer.
What do you intend to do?
Me?
Mrs. Hobbs: 
Yes, Amaar, remember the headlines.
You vowed to save our arena.
That is what you said, Amaar.
[ ♪ ]
Ann, we need to talk.
I know, I know.
- I overreacted.
- You did?
Absolutely.
So you made one little mistake?
- You're only human.
- Really?
So, you're saying I'm rehired?
I am saying it loud and clear.
- You are rehired.
- Officially?
Totally.
Then let me tell you a little something, something I should have told you a long time ago.
- I...
- You're fired.
What?
I...
- Wait, that's not fair.
- Isn't it?
- Sorry, you're rehired.
- Oh, good, because you ought to know
- that I...
- You're fired.
- What? 
Stop that!
- Stop what?
- You're rehired.
- Stop saying that I...
- Wait a minute.
- You're fired.
You can't do that.
Oh, I think I can.
You're hired.
You're fired.
You're hired.
You're fired.
- I quit!
- No, you can't quit after you've been fired.
You can only quit after you've been rehired.
- But I...
- You're fired.
[ ♪ ]
Reverend, can we, uh... get a few words?
Really?
[ Chuckling ]
You're back to this idea?
Interviews?
What's wrong with it?
What's right with it?
It's going pretty well.
I gave you a singular vision.
Now you're left with a bunch of people who can't even agree if the Earth is flat, let alone what Mercy means to them.
[ Laughing ]
That's it!
That's our movie!
You think that none of them are right about Mercy.
But what if they all are?
Let's roll.
Ah, for the record,
I want my name off the credits.
There are no credits.
I can't believe she fired you
- again!
- I know!
I am so mad I could quit!
Didn't you already have this conversation?
You must be so mad.
Furious.
After all these years, how could she be so cold?
- Ruthless.
- Cruel.
- Inhuman.
Hey, that's my best friend you're talking about!
Or, she was.
Oh, I miss her so much.
Then you shouldn't have lied to her.
But you lie all the time!
Sure, I lie.
I cheat.
Sometimes I steal, but only really pretty things.
But you don't.
You're honest.
You're decent.
That's why you're my best friend.
[ Sobbing ] You... complete me.
[ Gasping ]
Okay, I stole that.
[ Laughing ]
I-I'm sorry I let you down.
I'm sorry I fired you.
Would you consider coming back?
Of course!
[ Laughing ]
I quit.
- Wha...!
- Oh...
I just had to get that in.
Not really!
[ Laughing ]
{ Advertisement }
Well, um... we think you'll like the new version.
I hope so.
I'd hate to see you disappoint the whole community again.
Yeah, start the movie already!
All right.
[ ♪ ]
Mercy is my café.
Mercy is my cross.
Mercy is my mosque.
Mercy is my field!
Mercy... yes.
[ Together ] Mercy is best friends.
Mercy is me.
[ Together ] Mercy is our home.
Oh, wasn't that...
Oh, look away.
It's allergy season.
My...
my eyes are watering.
[ Sniffling ]
So...
you liked it?
[ Applause ]
[ ♪ ]
Rev. Thorne: 
They really liked it!
Baber: 
So, Amaar... well done!
Your film is great.
{\pos(192,200)}[ Applause continues ]
{\pos(192,180)}[ ♪ ]
Subtitle by: 
Kiasuseven

Good morning, Rebecca.
-Good morning.
We've got a busy day today.
Anything useful in the obituaries?
Well. 
This one refuses to admit that he's dead.
I spent all night talking to him.
He insisted on going to work.
What does he do?
-He works at a law firm.
Then I guess he'll still have to be a stiff in a suit!
No, we need to talk to him.
We can't have him sucking the life out of innocent people.
-Right.
There's no reason to cry.
Your husband is fine.
I miss him so much.
He misses you too.
But now he's in Summerland starting a new life.
I'm just so worried about him.
-What are you worried about?
He was just so reserved. 
I can't imagine that he's happy there.
People change once they arrive in Summerland.
He has already made lots of new friends.
There you go, he's smiling right now.
Mom?
There is a man here who wants to talk to you.
Does he have an appointment?
-No.
The hat, darling.
Hi.
-Hi, darling.
I just picked up some new customers.
That's great.
This just came in the mail.
-Oh.
Is it serious?
No, just some tax assessment.
Who was the man that just left, the injured one?
He was from the road administration.
He had some trouble with the elves in Greystone.
Oh?
Did the elves beat him up?
-No. 
Elves don't do that.
They don't want any construction on their land, so they fiddled with the brakes on his car.
See you later.
Are our elves friendly?
-Yes, very friendly.
They're not like the elves in Greystone?
They're friendly too.
But if someone does something they're not happy about, they can get extremely angry.
Mom, I'm freezing.
Go inside then.
You're never properly dressed.
Aren't you going to say goodbye?
Bye.
FORCED AUCTION
Oh, Fernando....
What?
What?
-Yes?
You said Fernando.
I'm sorry, I got carried away.
We've been married 15 years and you still call me Fernando?
But that is you, darling.
I don't know who I was in a past life.
We're in the 21st century now and your husband's name is Oskar!
I was married to Fernando for 60 years. 
No wonder I mix you up.
But why does it only happen when we're making love?
Don't worry, you're both just as good in bed.
Come on. 
Don't make such a big deal out of this.
Lara, this is just getting really annoying.
Is something else bothering you?
Tell me...
No. 
Good night, darling.
Damn.
Dad.
What's up, Asdis?
I have to get paid, I can't go on working without a salary.
Asdis. 
We are trying to get this company running, as a family, and you have to do your part.
I have no money, I can't do anything.
Do you want to borrow the car?
The ghost bus?
Yes, go ride around, check out the guys.
You must be joking?
He's completely crazy.
-Super.
Hi.
Is this your boat?
-Yes.
Let it sail.
You seem to be drying up over here. 
There you go.
Oh, you are looking lovely today. 
There you go.
They've put the road works by Greystone on hold.
Because of the accident?
The road administration won't take part in this.
The Mayor was on the radio today.
He said this had nothing to do with the elves. 
What a joker.
Don't they want to relocate?
Why should they?
Change of scenery maybe.
Go to the countryside. 
Relax a bit.
Maybe go abroad...
Abroad?
What are you talking about?
Aren't there elves abroad?
In Europe and Germany...
Right, Oskar, you should just invite them to Mallorca.
I'll go, too.
Yeah! 
Let's all go together, and you're paying.
Good evening.
-Evening. 
Take a seat.
Thank you.
Floki, you should be in bed.
-I want to watch.
This isn't for kids. 
Go to bed.
Good evening.
Hi. 
How much is it?
Fifteen hundred.
Isn't this a good show?
Manifestations and ectoplasm, the whole lot?
Not quite...
What kind of a camera is this?
It's a Canon.
Are you from Disbelief?
Yes, as a matter of fact...
Right, get out. 
We don't want any disbelievers here.
Isn't this an open event?
Can't anyone attend?
I know what you're up to.
I've seen your website.
Can't he attend the meeting?
No, he ruins the energy.
-Bullshit!
You just don't want the world to see your fake mediums and charlatans.
Get out, boy. 
Out!
Getting violent on me, are you?
-Yes, that's it.
You're going to regret this.
-Whatever.
Damn new-age scum.
-Right.
We feel the Earth's energy.
Feel it flow up through us.
Connecting us to the cosmic energy.
We surround ourselves with the healing colors sending our thoughts to the highest being.
Good evening. 
Who is there?
My name is Gunnar.
Hello, Gunnar.
-Hello, Gunnar.
Has it been long since you left Earth?
I died rather young, fortunately.
It's so much better here in Summerland.
The body, for example...
Yes, you are in Lara's body.
Lara...
She needs to be very careful.
She should keep a close eye on her husband.
Oskar.
-Yes.
Are we going bankrupt?
Why do you think so?
-Well, are we?
We're not bankrupt, but...
-But what?
Business has been going through a rough patch.
And then there are the mortgages.
Because of the Ghost House?
-Yes.
We never should have gone into this tourist business.
Lara, it's all going to start rolling soon.
It's just a question of time.
-We need to communicate.
Isn't that what we are doing right now?
I just found out at a seance, from a ghost.
We're not bankrupt. 
This ghost is just messing with you.
But how bad is it?
We can work it out.
There are people who are worse off.
Don't you worry.
Just keep on doing what you do.
I'll find a way out of this.
Is Dad in trouble?
Yes.
Can he pay me?
Yes and no?
Will that guy be back?
FAKE MEDIUMS
Isn't it strange that he came through to warn me?
I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Ghosts can make mistakes.
Not everything we hear from Summerland is true.
Do you think he's going to work things out?
He'll manage. 
Fernando always lands on his feet.
Sometimes I doubt that Oskar really is Fernando.
If I've chosen the wrong soul and married the wrong guy.
Why didn't you just let him in?
So he could spray the house on the inside?
Dad, come on.
Or put videos of your mother on the Internet?
On some site for disbelievers.
You're so paranoid.
Good day.
-Good day.
Are you Oskar Oskarsson?
-That's me.
We're here because of the forced auction.
Sign here, please.
That was quick.
When will this take place?
The ad will be in the papers next week. 
We'll be in touch.
Right.
Forced auction?
This is of course our last resort.
But if we do it, we're out of debt.
No one sells an elf stone.
What do you think mom will say?
Do you believe in Santa Claus?
-No.
But do you believe that there are elves living in this stone?
I don't know, Mom believes it.
Asdis, sometimes we have to make difficult decisions in life.
We have two options.
Either we lose the house or we lose the stone.
I'm not having anything to do with this.
Don't you want to get paid?
What if something happens?
Not so much green!
-Yes, it's good for your aura.
Were you playing outside?
Yes, with my friend Thrand.
-Who is he?
He just moved to the neighbourhood.
He's my best friend.
Asdis, don't book any meetings tomorrow. 
I'm seeing the Mayor.
Why is that?
It's because of Greystone.
What's that?
-That?
That's a spaceship.
- Really?
Don't you see the mirrors on it?
There's a huge brain inside it and lots of tentacles.
On top of it are eyes that see everything in the city.
Just kidding, it's not a spaceship.
I have to go.
I'm going home.
So, tell us about the elves.
How do they see all this?
This what?
Do they want to live in the stone or will they move?
You must realize that the elves have lived in the stone for centuries.
When they came to this area our town did not exist.
However, the city now owns this land.
So in fact we can do whatever we want with it.
True...
But if you continue, you're risking the safety of this road.
Could you try talking to them for us?
Yes, I think I could try.
When could you do that?
-I can do it now.
They're taking the stone!
-Floki!
Let me go!
Let me go!
-Stay here.
Let me go!
-Don't go near, it's dangerous.
Oskar!
Where is the stone?
-I...
Where is it? 
Answer me.
-I sold it.
They were going to auction the house. 
I had to do it.
I got a very good offer and I sold it, to Germany.
To Germany?
Oskar, what have you done?
Are you completely mad?
It's just a stone...
It's not just a stone!
It's the home of the elves.
Nothing happened when we moved it.
There are elves living in this stone and you've cursed us.
This is nonsense, Lara.
There are no elves living in this stone, or in any stone!
Mom. 
Don't you want anything to eat?
No, I'm not hungry.
Dad ordered pizza.
Did she want dinner?
-No.
Aren't you going to talk to her?
No, I'll let her cool down a bit.
I'll sleep on the couch.
We're not buying this explanation.
If the roundabout can't be built because of some elves, and if politicians are making elves responsible for their mistakes,
I'd rather live in Iran.
Says Disbelief's spokesman, Sverrir Thorsteinsson.
Thrand!
All the energy is gone.
It will come back.
Just try to get some rest.
Just leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you now.
If you're looking for a cheap set, we've got this one.
1200 to 1 sharp.
Without the digital receiver.
If you're looking for a full HD set, this one has it...
Excuse me, would you like to resign from the state church?
Sorry.
Aren't you working at the Ghost House? 
-Yes.
Fun working there?
Fun being in Disbelief and spraying houses at night?
That was just because of that crazy doorman.
He's my dad.
I didn't know, sorry.
What are you doing?
We're getting people to resign from the state church or any other church. 
You just give me your name and address and we take care of the rest.
That's it.
Because you pay tax and the tax goes to the church you're in.
But if you resign, the tax goes to the University.
Which we think is sort of a statement to...
Listen, I have to go.
Good luck.
Hey, check this out.
Disbelief night, it's fun.
It would be nice seeing you there.
Thanks.
There is a woman here, with shoulders a bit hunched.
She says her name is Gudrun.
-I don't know her.
No? 
She sends her regards and...
says that your father...
Is everything all right?
-The energy is just low...
What's wrong with this?
It's all plugged in.
What is this crap?
Why won't it turn on?
Do you have the right remote control?
Yes, the one that came with it.
Isn't she coming downstairs?
Lara? 
Aren't you coming?
Everyone's waiting.
Tell them to leave.
-Is everything alright?
No, everything is not alright.
Good evening.
-Good evening.
Good evening.
-Good evening.
Unfortunately Lara could not be with us tonight.
So I will be leading this session.
We have been living together for a long time and I have picked up a thing or two over the years.
Let's form an energy circle.
Traitor!
We will not have you disgrace our beliefs!
The Earth is weak from toxic poison!
You have nothing to say, worshippers of the existence!
Tell me what to vote!
Tell me what to worship to find some fucking happiness!
This is the day of the great Disbelief!
This is the day that we'll remember!
Should I go talk to Sverrir?
No!
Does he like me?
No!
You must be fucking kidding me.
You don't know anything.
I am so sorry about all this.
I wish this never had to happen.
But it was either going bankrupt and be thrown into the street or accept the offer.
I'm sure that the elves are doing fine in Germany.
Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot.
I'm not...
-Yes, you are.
You don't believe that there are elves in the stone.
No.
And the seances?
Do you think I'm faking?
Do you think I'm a plain liar?
I believe in ghosts and all that...
But elves...
That's just too much for me.
I can't believe I've been married fifteen years to a man who thinks I'm a false medium and a liar.
I never said that. 
-That's exactly what you're saying.
No.
-Yes.
Lara, I'm not psychic. 
I don't see the things that you see.
I'm just who I am and you have to accept that.
Leave me alone.
Get out.
Get out!
Bloody hell!
Come here!
What's wrong with her?
-We can't answer that just yet.
She's in a coma and that's all we know.
Did you find any injuries?
Injuries?
A man broke into our house last night. 
I chased him, but he got away.
Do you think she was attacked?
-Yes. 
He's threatened us before.
Then you have to talk to the police.
There are no injuries.
Isn't she just stuck in a trance?
Excuse me?
She's a medium. 
Sometimes she goes out of her body and dead people come and talk through her.
I see.
No, we just need some time to figure out what's going on.
Did you run into that guy from Disbelief last night?
No.
-No.
The bastard.
I'm sure he's responsible.
That he poisoned her or something.
These men are dangerous.
Let me out.
Stop the car!
Are you going out here?
-Right now!
Asdis!
Dad.
-Yes.
My friend Thrand has disappeared.
Really? 
Have you tried going to his house?
I think he lived inside the stone.
If you hadn't sold the stone he would still be here, and Mom too.
Floki, Mom is sick, but she'll be back soon.
This has nothing to do with the stone.
But it has!
-Floki, listen...
This roundabout is a very important construction.
We have decided to place the interests of our citizens above other interests in this matter...
But where are you moving the stone?
We have received an offer from foreign investors who are prepared to relocate the stone at their own expense.
What about the medium who was negotiating with the elves?
Well, Lara just sold an elf stone herself, so I don't know how reliable she is.
Don't you believe in anything?
Nothing supernatural.
Basically I don't believe in anything you can't prove.
So you don't believe in love?
Isn't love just a chemical reaction in our brains?
Chemicals in our brains?
If you meet someone who has the right DNA, you can smell it.
Then dopamine and endorphin is released in your brain and everything gets worked up.
I've never heard such a complicated explanation.
Do you have a better one?
I thought it was something that happens between the souls.
Souls?
-Yes.
And where is your soul then?
Is it here? 
Or here maybe?
Or maybe even here?
We have made extensive tests on Lara and...
This is not a brain hemorrhage or a tumor, nothing like that...
Then what is it?
I have to admit, I just don't know.
Forgive me, Lara...
Forgive me.
Hi, Floki.
Floki.
It's the guy who sold the elf stone to me.
What's wrong?
-I think I saw a ghost.
A ghost?
Well, I saw him too.
Is he still up there?
Dad. 
Sverrir is here, he would like to say something.
Hi.
-Jesus!
I wanted to apologize for spraying your house.
He was with me the night when Mom fell asleep.
He didn't do anything to her.
-Whatever.
I spoke with the doctor.
Your mother is going to be at the hospital a bit longer.
What's wrong with her?
-They don't know.
Will she wake up again?
I'm starting to think this has something to do with the stone.
The stone?
-All this happened after we sold it.
Are you saying you believe in elves now?
I'm just trying to find an explanation.
People don't just fall asleep and not wake up again.
It's just not normal.
We have to get the stone back.
That's not possible.
The gays won't give it back.
I've found a medium.
He's coming by later to talk to the elves for us.
Asdis, what are you thinking?
-What?
Couldn't you find anyone better than...
Sverrir is a great guy.
So stay out of my private life!
Sverrir from Disbelief, of all men.
I think your dad's elf theory is completely far out.
I mean, she probably fell and had some sort of a concussion.
The doctors haven't found anything.
They aren't looking, I mean...
It's in their interest to keep her here as long as possible.
I just feel like it's my fault.
It's not your fault, you were in a blackout.
I'm not talking about that.
I just want to make peace with them and get my wife back.
I'm willing to do something for them in return.
Where was the stone?
-Where the hole is.
What is that?
-This?
Energy rods.
What are they doing?
Don't be afraid.
I'm a friend of your Mom's.
Her protector.
I won't harm you.
Are you dead?
Yes, I died a long time ago.
Now I'm here to help.
Do you know what's wrong with Mom? 
-I do.
But I also know that she will be alright.
And you don't have to be afraid of me.
What are they doing down there?
The guy is a medium and he's talking to the elves.
A medium? 
This guy?
Not a chance.
They say that...
she will be back home soon.
They say they're not angry with you, and... 
-Where are they?
Where?
Yes, where in Germany?
They're in West... 
Germany.
Where exactly?
You must be more precise.
They're in B...
Berlin?
Right, they're in Berlin.
You're just a fraud.
So you don't do elves?
Thanks anyway.
Hi, Fernando.
What did you say?
Fernando.
-Where did you hear that?
I met Rebecca.
You mean the ghost, Mom's friend?
Yeah.
She was just here.
Did she know anything about your Mom?
Sure. 
She said Mom was with the elves.
In Germany?
-No, in Graystone.
Lara!
Lara dear.
You have to come home.
Can you hear me?
I can't live without you.
You have to come back.
Come back home. 
Please.
I can't take back what I've done.
Can you hear me?
Lara, come home, now.
Are you selling the stone?
Well, that's the idea.
You're not selling this stone!
-Hey, what the...?
Not in here.
-Yes.
I've never done it in a ghost house before.
Sverrir...
Hello!
Alright.
Icelandic mediums released a declaration earlier today where they protest against moving Greystone.
They strongly oppose to any plans of selling the stone and will formally protest by Greystone tomorrow at noon.
Look...
What time is it in Summerland?
We don't use clocks.
So everyone is always late?
No, we know if we have to be somewhere.
We use mind messages.
Mind messages?
It's a bit like your Internet.
Like e-mails of the mind.
Will I go to Summerland when I die?
Probably.
Will I be a ghost, like you?
I wouldn't call myself a ghost.
Because... ghosts are those who don't want to leave Earth when they die.
People who feel they have some unfinished business to take care of.
Now go down and help your dad.
He needs you.
What are you making?
-It's a protest sign.
Here.
-Thanks.
Do you think it's alright that people can buy elf stones like cereal in a supermarket?
If someone's stupid enough to think elves live inside stones, he should be able to spend his money that way.
We're going to be at the protest tomorrow.
Are you going to be at the protest?
We're going to protest against them protesting this bullshit.
Then I'm going to be in the other group.
I'm the spokesman for Disbelief.
My girlfriend can't be seen protesting with some idiots.
Are you saying my family is a bunch of idiots?
Are you saying my dad is an idiot?
Your dad is an idiot, you've said so yourself many times.
Get out. 
Get out of here now!
This is bullshit.
High above in the highest cliff there lives an elf-woman
No one in Iceland knows but me how well she sings
I raise my horn to the well-being of all elves.
Hail all elves.
Sell the elves!
Fuck off!
We are gathered here to show the elves our support.
They settled on this land before us and deserve our respect...
This stone is the heart of Kopavogur. 
We won't accept...
We won't accept it being made into a commodity to be sold!
We demand that...
The stone will stay!
The stone will stay!
The stone will stay!
The stone will stay!
Good people.
I ask you to step back.
You are in the way.
We're not moving.
If you won't leave now, we'll have to use the gas.
Let the elves take care of them.
Yes, step back.
Dad, come on.
Come on, Dad.
Let's go, it's hell getting this stuff in your eyes.
Let's go.
Dad, come on. 
Let's go.
Hello...
Lara?
You're awake?
Am I in Summerland?
-No, you're at the City Hospital.
Mom!
-Darlings.
Welcome back, Mom.
-Thank you, darling.
You've grown.
Who's this man?
This is Sverrir, my boyfriend.
-I see.
Where's your dad?
This terrible event will rest in the memory of the Icelandic nation.
We have to learn from this.
We have to realize that we do not live on this land alone.
And we have to treat Nature with love and respect...
Not with temporary gains as our only goal.
We are gathered here today to pay our respects to the activist and visionary,
Oskar Oskarsson.
Oskar was true to his ideals to the end.
He spoke up when others held their silence.
Yes, it was very beautiful.
-Hi!
Hello, my dear.
-Hi, son.
Did you read the obituaries?
-No, are they any good?
Sure, there are some nice things. 
For example...
The Mayor wants to raise you a statue.
No way!
That's really something,
I'm starting to feel like a national hero.
Will it be in gold?
Bronze? 
Or in silver?
How would you pose?
Show me.
Respectable?
-Yes.
Perhaps with a little smile.
-Yes.
Well, Oskar, it's time to go.
Do we have to go right now?
I have to get you to Summerland.
I think I'm going to stay behind.
What?
I'm staying.
And becoming a ghost?
Why not?
I'm not in a hurry, am I?
Lara?
-Yes?
Well, I wouldn't mind.
But then you're no longer my responsibility.
What?
Nothing, dear.

Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
- Episode 11 -
What are you doing?
- Give it here, hurry!
- You must be quick.
All right.
This is HQ, put Comrade Woncheol on the line.
Inspect every vehicle coming in, and maintain communication with all guard posts.
Without any sleep the last five days, our men must be exhausted.
Maintain patrol and keep up their morale.
I suggest you start worrying about your own safety, Comrade.
With or without your approval, I will catch those infiltrators.
- You what?
- You just wait.
When I get my hands on them, everyone will finally learn... of all the furtive machinations that have been going on as of late.
- Wait for it.
- Comrade...
Comrade... 
Comrade!
Two-faced weaklings...
Your pass, please.
Here you go.
What's with the staring?
Never seen a pretty female soldier before?
What?
!
Here.
Right, keep it up.
Just a moment.
We will have to inspect the vehicle as well.
Comrade, haven't you seen our pass?
We come directly from headquarters.
We're in a state of emergency, so every vehicle will be inspected.
Comrade... 
Comrade!
You may pass.
Comrade, I will remember you.
Let's go.
Comrades.
Worry about those later, and start unloading the truck first.
All right.
Let's start with this.
What did they put in here?
It's much heavier than usual.
Let's hurry up.
- Let's go!
- Why is it so heavy?
!
I apologize.
Hang in there, today will be crucial.
Yes, I'm sorry again.
Useless minions.
All they're good at is stuffing themselves all day.
I'm sorry, Sir.
Let's move.
- Area 38 -
Hey! 
Be careful, you idiot!
Let's hurry up.
Sergeant Kim.
- Area 417 -
Ma'am!
- Anything to report?
- No.
- And inside?
- Nothing to report.
We just reported after coming back from patrol.
Inspect the inside every ten minutes.
At the first sign of anything unusual, sound the alert immediately.
Yes!
Private Jeong.
Get prepared, we're going now.
Let's go!
Let's move.
Let's hurry out of here, quick!
Get moving!
- Hurry up!
- Quick!
Quick, run!
Hurry!
Dirty puppets...
Private Choi!
Quick!
Sergeant Baek!
There must be a problem.
Private Choi!
Sugyeong...
Stop it.
I have no other choice.
Just like you.
Please, stop it!
Sergeant Baek!
Go get Sergeant Lee!
All right.
Shoot me.
It's how it was destined to end.
I...
I have no intention of meeting you like this again.
Private Choi...
Sugyeong...
Sugyeong!
Sugyeong! 
Sugyeong!
Let me go!
Quick! 
Let's go!
- Move!
- Get the tarp!
Comrade!
Comrade Sugyeong...
Comrade Sugyeong!
Sergeant.
We must go.
Did it go well?
Yes.
But where has that brat gone?
What happened?
Speak to me!
At the last moment, the fire went off.
Private Choi... set fire to the fuse again.
That brat...
Stubborn to the end...
We have no time.
Let's get moving.
Right.
Where are the kids?
They're still inside the cave.
Let's hurry up and go.
Private Park, you go ahead.
We'll be catching up later.
Beomwoo, you help him out, while Private Jeong will cover you both.
Yes, Sir. 
Let's move.
- Let's move.
- There's no time to head to the cave.
We must head for the beach right away.
If we rush on our way back, we won't be late.
Keep this up, and something might happen again.
Give it a rest.
Because of us, the entire guerrilla unit was wiped out.
It's our last chance to make up for their sacrifice.
Stop arguing and let's get going.
Say what?
The supply base you were so adamant to protect has been blown to pieces.
A month's worth of supplies for ten divisions went up in flames just like that!
You only deserve death.
You promised you'd take responsibility, so do it!
And Comrade Sugyeong?
What about her?
Really...
Is that all you can ask now?
I'm pointing a gun to your head, and that's all you care about?
Tell me. 
What about her?
She was annihilated along with the entire base.
So hurry up and join her.
Comrade!
What is it?
An urgent order directly from army command.
We were ordered to immediately escort you to Pyeongyang.
I will first take care of this fool.
What do you think you're doing?
You've already been deprived of your authority, and that includes the right to arbitrarily execute subordinates.
You'll have to forgive me, Comrade, but I must arrest you.
Let's go.
- Is that clear?
- Yes, Sir!
Let's move.
It would be no use, Sir.
By now they must have fled already.
Spare me the excuses and follow my orders.
I'll even go to the very ends of this country to catch them.
Let's get moving!
Comrade Sugyeong...
Comrade Seongil!
Comrade Yongtaek...
- How about Comrade Sugyeong?
- I can't find her.
I can't...
Comrade Sugyeong.
Comrade Sugyeong!
Dong! 
Myeongsu!
I haven't found them inside, either.
We see no traces of other infiltrations, so they probably left on their own.
Let's go out and search for them.
Those little scoundrels...
This won't do. 
Let's spread out.
- Sergeant Park.
- Yes.
- You head down. 
Sergeant Baek.
- Yes.
This way. 
Sergeant Kim.
Still nothing, right?
Let's go.
- And the kids?
- Couldn't find them.
This way.
Comrade Yongtaek!
Comrade Seongil, hurry up!
Medic... 
Medic!
Medic!
Comrade...
Give up.
She's barely breathing.
Comrade... 
Please...
You must save her.
Do something, whatever it is!
Comrade!
All right.
But don't expect any miracle.
I can't just let her go this way, so I'm trying whatever I can.
Leave us alone.
Yes...
Let's wait.
She'll make it... 
I'm sure.
She's strong enough to survive even that.
This way!
You little scoundrels!
What are you doing here?
We were hungry...
What else could we do?
Shut it! 
You should be ashamed of yourself...
Let's get going, there's no time to waste.
Time for some runs, kids, or we'll never make it on time.
Runs?
!
Who's got the runs?
He's got the runs!
Quiet! 
Or the People's Army will come to get you.
On my back.
What are you waiting for?
Do as he says.
He's too scary! 
I don't like him.
Get one of them each, there's no time.
No way! 
Put me down!
On my back.
Let's go.
What's the matter?
Just...
This all feels strange.
I've never left this place before.
It's really only the two of us now.
Still the two of us, you mean.
Who asked you that?
I climb better than you, anyway.
Nobody's here.
They must have run away already.
No Private Park and the others in sight.
Shouldn't we have met by now?
Sergeant. 
Empty shells.
They're ours.
Then...
Sergeant!
It's Private Jeong's.
They must have attacked them.
It's the enemy!
Take cover!
Stay down!
Gangchil!
Ga...
Gangchil!
Fall back!
Gangchil!
Up... 
Get up!
Come on... 
Let's go!
Gangchil!
Stay down!
Let them pass.
We can't stray off here or we'll never reach the beach.
Search the premises!
It's blood.
Dong... 
Dong!
- There's nobody here.
- Is that so?
Let's search that way.
Now is the time, we must go.
Leave me here.
I no longer have any reason to cross the border.
No way...
How can we leave you here alone?
Even if I came south, I'd be alone.
Go.
I leave the kids to you.
Be safe.
Get going.
Let's go.
Taeksu.
I beg you.
Leave me here and go on by yourselves.
Spare me that nonsense.
Think we'd leave you behind?
We'll all end up dead this way.
Let's at least save him, I beg you.
Shut it!
Let's move.
Hey, you idiot!
Now I'm really alone for good...
It's you again.
Why that look on your face?
Are you that angry you got fooled?
Enough with the crap and hands up.
What's the point of capturing me now?
It's all done, anyway.
I'm not done yet. 
I've got plenty of questions left for you.
Hands up!
But I'm done.
Put that down.
I guess...
It's time for me to go.
Drop it!
Comrade... 
Comrade Woncheol!
How far did we get?
And the boat?
Can we still make it?
The boys still aren't here, what should we do?
Sergeant.
We go back by ourselves.
Then, how about Private Jeong, Private Park and Beomwoo?
We'll leave them here.
Let's move. 
Take the kids.
We can't go by ourselves.
I said get moving.
Sergeant Baek!
Sergeant!
Sergeant!
Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Main Translator and Timer: 
Anarchist
Timing QC: wichitawx Editor/QC: thunderbolt
Coordinators: mily2, ay_link
There's no way back now.
I think it'll be hard this time, Sir.
I welcome you, Comrades.
- Next.
- It's done.
Next.
Next.
Next.
Skip it.
We're escaping tonight.
Gather your men and come with us.
What's with all the hurry?
Guess you must be busy?
!

Innsbruck Main Station.
The express train to Amsterdam...
MAHLER ON THE COUCH
THAT it happened is fact.
HOW it happened is fiction.
TO live FOR YOU! 
TO die FOR YOU!
THE devil is dancing with ME.
ALMSCHl!
Idiotic.
Idiotic!
May I help you, Sir? 
- Gustav Mahler.
Dr. Freud is expecting me. 
- One moment.
Sir, Dr. Freud.
Freud.
- Pleased, Mahler.
Pleased. 
How was your trip?
Pleasing.
I'm on my way to Sicily, put my vacation on hold for you.
Please.
Damn. 
They still didn't...
I asked for this an hour ago.
Sorry, Sir. 
Where to?
- Right here, please.
Make yourself comfortable.
I sat for hours.
My tea?
- The tea.
Thank you. I'll do this myself.
What can I do for you, Direktor Mahler?
You... I...
We... 
-You wrote about a marital issue with your wife.
How much younger is she?
- Does it matter?
Yes.
We could start your session...
Unbelievable!
Yes?
-Your tea.
I need some air. I can't do this.
Ridiculous!
Dear Direktor Mahler.
- May I? 
- Please...
Six weeks ago you asked me for help.
Although on summer leave, I gave you an appointment.
You canceled.
The second one, you canceled again.
The third one, I canceled too.
I thought I could do it. 
But I can't.
Neurosis or not, it's an insult!
- So?
You can't make a fool out of me.
- Too late.
Just one question. 
- Please.
- Should an old, worn out man tie a young, vivacious woman to himself?
Do you know how happy we are?
Do you have any idea of our bliss, of how much we love each other in our music?
It's done! 
The Sixth is finished!
Congratulations!
Thank you.
Bliss...
We worship each other.
We have been madly in love for more than 9 years.
Bliss  highest form of human experience.
So, why are you consulting me?
What are you gawking at?
Come on.
Thank you.
Come on already!
My daughter complains about my pace, yours is even faster.
My wife betrays me.
I was not seduced!
I wanted to sleep with him.
We made passionate love.
Well, one time...
- No. 
Not just once.
Every night at the sanatorium, several times.
I was dying of thirst.
Dying of thirst!
Having left the Vienna Opera, I've more time for my own work.
-Your compositions.
Yes, we spend a lot of time in the countryside.
I also travel a lot, twice as a guest conductor to the United States.
Alma was with me, but her health is weak.
And then the pregnancies...
-Abortions.
Last year she was in Levico, this time in Tobelbad.
My son-in-law comes to me with his problems.
"Dearest Mama!
I am worried by Almschi's letters..."
That's what he calls her.
"... that have such a strange tone.
What's going on there?"
May I join you after my mud bath?
Good.
What's wrong?
- My husband will visit. 
-What?
Here?
- Last year in Levico, he showed up bald.
He had fallen asleep at the barber.
He looked like an inmate.
I couldn't sleep with him.
He left depressed.
-You should introduce me.
You're crazy.
When is he coming?
- lt's up to me.
I'll let him come...
-And you'll introduce us.
We'll see, my love.
"On Sunday I'll go to Altschluderbach." That's their summer home.
Ten rooms at a farm in Tyrol.
"Should I rather visit
Almschi in Tobelbach?"
That's the sanatorium where she recovers.
Why do you love me?
Because you're beautiful.
Your soul, and your body.
Kiss me.
Don't get me wrong.
I love my son-in-law.
But the constant mad rush by his side turned my Alma into a nervous wreck.
Poor Gustav.
He's coming.
When?
- Tomorrow.
Will you fulfill your marital duties?
I was concerned that her treatment wasn't working. I was worried about her.
Suspicions?
- No. 
None.
So I traveled straight to Tobelbad.
Munich was grand.
The whole choir, that's 250 singers, all respectfully rose when I arrived.
It was colossal.
Miss, please remove the candles.
What was I saying? 
Oh, yes.
What an impression this insufficient cast made.
- lnsufficient?
I planned for over 800.
-Yes, of course.
After the rehearsal the orchestra was elated.
- Great.
And Fried and Klemperer came up to me.
- Klemperer? 
How nice of him.
Now I'm just exhausted.
- Good. 
-What?
I meant now you can relax a little here.
- Thank you.
In Munich you can't sleep from all the car noise.
I hope that it will be better here in the country.
Although, with all the animals... I'd like to introduce you to Herr Gropius.
Good evening. 
My name is Walter Gropius.
Delighted. 
Are you also...
- Herr Gropius is an architect.
He has wonderful ideas:
Architecture for the people, clean lines, undecorated.
A healthy environment for the working class.
Steel, glass, concrete, nothing stuffy.
- Interesting...
We've had several very good conversations.
But for relaxing you don't mind stuffy.
I love to joke around.
Thank you for tending to my wife a little.
Have a nice evening.
Glass, steel, concrete... nothing stuffy.
Gustav spent two days in Tobelbad, then back to their summer retreat.
He writes:
"Dearest Mama, just a brief note.
I found Almschi much fresher and stronger.
The treatment is benefitting her a lot.
Please convince her to stay as long as possible."
No suspicions?
- "Adulteress" was not written on her forehead.
You had intercourse?
-You're repeating yourself.
So no intercourse.
The room was inhospitable.
Back at the summerhouse, I tried to compose. 
-Your Fifth... lt's my Tenth. lt's been a while, since you heard my works.
I've never heard anything of yours.
What? 
You have...
- No.
I need silence, especially while working.
You should see me.
I fight battles against noise.
Our farmers tip-toe around the house so that the walls shake.
But music... is not noise.
The most dangerous kind.
-What?
Do you suffer from migraines?
Yes. 
Severe attacks.
Awful!
- Syncopes?
I love syncopes.
No.
In medicine a syncope is a brief unconsciousness that can also be triggered by music.
I myself had three such episodes.
At the Park Hotel. ln Munich.
In the lobby.
It was a piano.
No...
- l self-diagnosed a musicogenic epilepsy.
Musico... no!
-Yes.
I was afraid of music.
And now?
I've discovered "Don Giovanni".
And he's harmless?
Do you recognize it?
I'm sorry.
Please, go on.
Then Alma returned from Tobelbad  from the sanatorium.
-Yes.
And with her tranquility.
I was able to compose again.
What does she represent to you?
Mother? 
Wife? 
Housekeeper? 
Critic? 
Muse?
Partner.
Confidante. 
Friend.
Lover.
She is my all.
Your center point.
Yes, my center point.
Up until...
"Beloved Alma!
Day and night I think only of you!"
Alma?
What is this?
Mama, what's wrong?
Gusti.
What's wrong... what's going on?
What is this?
What is this? 
Explain what this is!
Go to grandma, Gucki. 
Now!
Read! 
Explain it!
Are you insane? 
You're scaring the girl!
Explain it!
Where did you get this?
And how did your wife react?
Yours! 
Mahler, Mahler, Mahler!
What did she have to say?
I don't know.
Leave the door open.
And yours too... please.
I want to hear you sleep.
Alma?
I am too old for you, from the start.
My music. 
My song.
Now all of a sudden. 
Why?
Because it is good.
Not just good but very good.
Come.
We'll work on it. 
Please.
After a ten-year ban on my music?
Almschi. I've been waiting for you.
He surprised me.
-Who? 
Herr Gropius?
Under the bridge. I got so scared.
Did you talk to him?
- No.
Truly.
You're not holding back?
-You know everything.
Everything.
Then I'll go get him.
No.
-Yes. 
He shall tell us what he wants.
You know how your wife and I feel.
We are in love and don't want to leave each other.
I am not a surreptitious man.
Our age and interests are the same.
We share the passion for life and love.
-What?
My career is starting to take shape.
I am asking you to release her.
Alma deserves an appropriate, fulfilling life.
An honorable solution would be best.
Honorable?
- l hate to cause you grief, but fate wants it.
"Persevere in spite against all the might", says Goethe.
Don't worry about me, young man.
And don't forget that you're talking about Gustav Mahler's wife.
Your falsely addressed letter displays immaturity.
A chivalrous solution would be that you'd find your own mate and build a nest and not rob mine like a thief.
-A life savior. 
-You know what?
I wish you the experience of a marriage like ours.
Nine years of highest bliss and deepest despair.
Fulfillment, you say?
We are bound together by music.
A language we both speak.
How do you plan to replace that?
With your clean lines?
We stood over the grave of our beloved child.
You know nothing.
- Gustav, your heart.
You know nothing.
Nothing!
The decision is up to you, Alma.
I will not hold you back.
I want your child.
Alma... where do you stand?
I can't leave him.
I can't start all over again.
You have to wait.
It would kill him.
I am yours.
But I have to keep serving him.
We'll write, we'll meet, we'll make love.
I'll tell him that I'll stay with him.
Why did you have me come here?
Leave now, please.
Everything is all right.
My God, what's wrong?
Oh my God!
He is burning up.
Are you as hungry as I am?
If we were in Vienna, your time would be up now and you'd return next week.
- So let's go eat. 
At the hotel.
Without noise.
-Agreed. 
Where are we actually?
We are lost. 
Typical.
Your wife's decision didn't calm you?
-Why do you think so?
Why else would you consult me?
- l am sinking into deep despair.
It's eating me.
- Do you think your wife has financial motives?
Excuse me?
Found culpable, she would lose all her rights.
That's not Alma's nature!
There!
Are you trying to punish her?
I am trying to forgive her.
But it's not that simple.
I tend to her wishes, love her more than ever.
What about intercourse?
-You're repeating yourself.
You know this taboo about sex is like cancer.
It's turning us into emotional cripples.
Guilt? 
- My wife's guilt is...
- No. 
Your feelings of guilt?
Me? 
Guilt? 
Me?
I am only guilty of being too old for my wife.
I offer her a full life.
She committed adultery. 
Not me.
Because of you, I lunched at 12 noon today.
Usually I lunch precisely at 1 p.m.
As an artist, you surely are more liberal.
Liberal?
My son-in-law jumps out of bed at seven:
Breakfast, work, at nine to the opera house.
At one o' clock he returns for lunch.
The assistant calls ahead,
Mahler rings the bell downstairs, up here, the soup must be put on the table.
The apartment door stays open for him so he doesn't have to wait.
Hello. 
Splendid!
He storms through the apartment, slamming doors.
He washes his hands. 
They sit and eat.
Bon appetit!
A short nap.
Then a brisk walk, either around the Belvedere or the Ringstrasse.
At five a hearty snack.
Then back to the opera.
He attends the performance for a while, before Alma picks him up.
If he still has office work, she'll watch some of the opera but never stays longer than he works.
Of many operas she never saw the ending.
He says, she doesn't miss much.
After a late night meal, they lay on the sofa and talk, or Alma reads to him.
I missed the last train... lt was quite a long day...
Good night.
I'll finish mine upstairs.
I still have to work.
Me too.
See you at breakfast?
Maybe. 
Please send me your bill.
Yes, don't worry.
Good night. 
Pleasant dreams.
I never dream.
- Says everybody... at first.
Well then, good night, Herr Doktor.
- Good night, Herr Direktor.
"... but only such a woman who can be claimed by a boyfriend, fiance or spouse."
Good.
"Being jealous their passion reaches its full potential, the woman her full value..."
"He saves her by never letting her be."
Pardon me.
You mentioned feelings of guilt... lt's eating at me.
Could you please explain?
- No. 
- But...
Look, Herr Mahler, we'd have to go far back and dig deep.
My creative process is similar.
-And you truly have to want it.
Maybe you'll discover the truth buried in the subconscious yourself.
I understand.
It is a very long process. 
Good night.
I can't wait. I... I am trying to work. lt is late.
I can offer a new appointment for August in Vienna.
I'm in New York by then.
I need you now. I'll pay double.
It's not about money!
I beseech you.
Please, come in.
Get comfortable.
I don't feel comfortable...
- Can you teach me piano standing?
Lying down, please.
But when you play piano...
- Do you want to, or not?
Shoes on or off?
Do you know what a partial hypnosis is?
- l don't know if I want to.
I'll place my hand on your forehead  and you'll think about nothing.
Nothing?
Whatever enters your mind, you say out loud.
You said to think about nothing...
- Breath in  and out  calmly in  and out...
May I join in on the laughter?
We are fighting about beauty.
Our hostess is beautiful! 
Right, Berta?
You should know, Klimt.
Your women are the prettiest.
How about the head of Socrates...
-Yes!
He's gorgeous.
Then I should have a chance with you too.
- Max! 
-Zemlinsky is beautiful!
This bug-eyed  fat-lipped...
- That green boy?
Zemlinsky is a genius, with beautiful eyes.
Maybe he'll send you one!
Like van Gogh his ear!
Dirty pig!
Don't be so sensitive.
I know my brother. I saw the danger.
I told him that evening that it was a trap.
Berta Zuckerkandl is famous for her matchmaking, in Yiddish for making a shidduch.
This girl has a reputation. 
Klimt, who sat next to her, drew her in all kinds of poses, and gave her the first kiss.
Her parents never invited him back.
You're crazy, Klimt.
You've lost your mind.
Burckhard, head of the Burgtheater,
wanted to give her the second and more.
But she had a thing with her music teacher.
The disgusting Herr von Zemlinsky.
And now...
Poor Gustav, the hermit, who doesn't know if he's coming or going, who is busy enough with his hysterical sopranos.
He needs someone who guides him.
And now, this schoolyard affair, 20 years his junior.
I'm scared.
And why don't you perform "The Glass Heart"?
What?
-Zemlinsky's ballet.
A masterpiece.
- l don't understand it.
I can explain it to you.
- l can't wait.
Because for you the story is more important than the music?
You can't let a submitted work sit for a year.
You may decline, but you have to respond.
You study music.
Why support such rubbish?
It's not rubbish!
Let's make peace.
I'll send for your teacher tomorrow, because of your lovely demand.
Last Sunday Alma played piano in my house.
Gounod, Strauss, Wagner...
"Tristan's love-death".
We were all floored, touched, moved.
Everyone congratulated her.
I went to her and said:
You're beautiful, that's unpleasant.
You play piano expertly, that's annoying.
And you compose, that's too much!
Direktor Mahler?
Where do you live?
- Hohe Warte.
Shall I take you home?
- No. I have my bicycle.
And I must study for my counterpoint lesson.
With the genial Zemlinsky...
-Yes, right. 
The one.
Direktor Mahler.
Can I invite you to my rehearsal of "Hoffmann's Tales" tomorrow at ten?
With pleasure.
Autumn has fallen in love with spring.
Gruesome.
Fraulein Schindler!
I brought my mother along.
- Nice to see you.
How did you sleep?
- Excellently! 
Why shouldn't I?
I didn't, not one minute...
the whole night.
Don't blame me.
- Please, Miss, follow me.
Five minutes to curtain! 
- Ten!
- Correction! 
Ten minutes to curtain!
Now we don't have to hurry.
Rose, wait for my cue today, please.
Of course, Maestro. 
- First violin Rose sticks by me through thick and thin.
That rancid wig! 
Throw it in the oven!
Just brushed it...
- Don't lie to me...
Anna, please! 
Your voice!
- Three times I told her to wash it.
I have to work for a moment.
Please leave now!
He has something going with all the sopranos.
Mildenburg, Gutheil-Schoder, cute Michalek. 
Open that.
Even with Kurz...
Not much difference between opera and kindergarten. - lt's working.
Come, I'll show you!
Have you ever been on our stage? 
Come!
Mr. Gurgel. 
How are you?
- Thank you. 
And you? 
- Please.
Where do you live?
- Hohe Warte.
Alma...
the Fraulein mentioned it yesterday.
It's one of my favorite walks.
- Come visit.
With pleasure. 
When?
Yours is the tight schedule.
It's up to you.
Saturday?
- For dinner.
I don't eat at night.
- For tea?
Yes, tea. I'm a man of my word.
A man of his word.
Now it works. 
Finally. 
Move!
We refined it all night... 
It works.
Herr Schratzenstaller, once more please.
Do you hear anything?
- Nothing.
You see?
- Fantastic!
Incredibly impressive, gigantic!
Please Alma, speak German. I'm from Hamburg. 
Our German is the purest.
I had an engagement there.
Thank you.
I'd love to work here as a conductor.
I would hire you on the spot.
I'm sure you're a talented conductor.
Your judgment doesn't seem to be objective.
There is no objective judgment.
I was crazy about her too.
She was unbearably tempting.
And her mother would have loved her as Frau Burgtheater Direktor.
I told Alma:
Mahler is too old for you.
Not healthy, and a womanizer.
And you took her to his office?
Just backstage.
His finances are in shambles.
- His compositions are hissed at.
He was crazy about you at Zuckerkandl's.
- They all are.
He fell in love with you.
- l didn't notice. 
-And if he proposes?
I will accept.
Are you making this up?
Why?
-Well, you weren't there.
During our happiest nights, Alma recounted every nuance of our courtship.
These were like performances, even with da capos.
Encores?
Like a child I wanted to hear it again and again.
"l will accept!" Magnificent!
And this is supposed to be composed by a genius?
Kitsch! 
Bitter, bloodless, want-to-be-modern brain music!
And this disgusting terrible pseudo folk.
Mahler...
he should change his name to Malheur!
"The Youth's Magic Horn."
A real small "magic horn"... yes.
He can't impress Alma Schindler with that!
Right?
Your songs are ten thousand times better.
Will he support my music like you?
So what's all the fuss about then?
I'm so confused.
- So let's stay together.
He's 19 years older and I'm your age, almost...
Eight years older...
- l love and know your songs, I adore you and I desire you like no other man.
My poor lover.
Stay my friend.
I can't live without you.
Please forgive me.
I am bad. 
And you are good.
What's wrong with you, Alma?
You are in love with Alex.
I almost gave myself to him.
And now... 
Mahler?
He's pure oxygen. 
He glows.
He is vastly superior to all the others.
I don't like his music.
The first symphony leaves me cold.
But when he is conducting...
When he's conducting... he's a god.
His eyes... when he turned and looked at me.
His smell...
He'll elevate me far above myself.
Please excuse the chaos, we just moved in.
It takes a while...
Congratulations on the new home.
is Fraulein...
Go on up. 
Alma is upstairs.
Herr Direktor.
Hello there, Fraulein.
- Hello.
I brought you my Fourth.
Leave it there.
Want to take a look?
- Sure.
Burckhard gave me all of these.
- The Burgtheater director? 
-Yes.
Nietzsche. I could devour him.
- He's poison, belongs in the fireplace.
On the mantle.
- ln the fire!
More to argue about. 
Staying for dinner?
Already so late?
We'll have Burckhard and Paprika Chicken.
- l'll stay anyway.
I'll have to call Justi, my sister.
We don't have a phone, yet.
But up at the park.
Excellent. 
A walk! 
Come.
Since a hemorrhage almost killed him the year before, my brother was afraid to die.
On that Saturday he was late for dinner.
And when his secretary called me, I knew, he's building a nest.
He wants family, his own child.
And young Alma Schindler, the society muse, was just the right nesting hen.
It is not easy to marry a person like myself...
Marriage, so soon?
No, he didn't ask me.
He said: "lt is not easy to marry a person like myself..."
As if I had proposed to him...
He turned the table on me.
Such a...
He told me how much I please him.
I didn't.
Smart.
And... does he please you?
Handsome he is not.
- Please, Mama...
To me he's the most handsome.
I ran Gustav's affairs for nine years.
I had his shoes and suits made in London.
We lived by the Belvedere.
Auenbruggergasse 2.
At the top.
With his strong conductor arms, he carried me up the many stairs, when I was tired.
I'm eight years younger.
He's the second of twelve.
I'm the one before last.
I have to keep my total independence.
I must be entirely free.
I can't be bound by material things.
My position at the opera can be cancelled.
And when you chain another being to yourself...
Don't forget I'm an artist's child, have always lived with artists, and consider myself an artist.
My compositions are my life.
I would die for them.
Fraulein Schneider?
Yes?
Alma.
-Yes?
I love someone.
You love your teacher. 
Understandable.
It's more than that.
- But now I'm here.
Will you look at my songs?
- Please Alma, call me Gustav.
Will you look at my songs?
-Yes, of course.
If you show them to me.
I didn't expect this.
Remarkable... very remarkable actually.
Even good.
- Honestly?
Honestly!
Thank you... 
Gustav.
When shall we marry?
Gustav.
Let us be husband and wife.
I can't wait!
Let's play.
Wagner, Walkure.
"Winter storms gave way to the blissful moon."
You missed an eighth.
- Pardon.
I'll give it to you. 
Even a quarter.
A half.
... or even the whole. 
Me.
You are crazy.
-Yes, crazy  for you.
I spent every day and evening that I wasn't working with her.
Mostly it got so late that I missed the coach back.
But that didn't matter.
Because on those walks home, I was happier than ever.
I had beat out Zemlinsky!
What do you say about Mahler's engagement?
Alma Schindler is 22 years old, tall and slender.
The most beautiful girl in Vienna, from a very good family, and very rich.
But we, his friends, are concerned.
She is used to an exciting social life, and he is such a hermit.
Our groom gets irritated, when you congratulate him.
Congratulations, Gustav!
The newspapers have engaged me, but it's true.
Congratulate me, but do it quickly.
That's enough.
Let's talk about Justi and my first violin Rose.
They got engaged as well.
Now a big round of applause.
Alma, what's wrong?
A terrible letter.
Did he call it off?
Mahler sees my entire life as a joke.
What?
- He thinks I'm not working, just having fun.
My counterpoint studies are senseless.
Klimt and Burckhard are banal...
My work doesn't enrich mankind like his.
I must drop everything and serve him!
As if his music, that gets booed, enriches mankind!
And that should be my fulfillment...
Do you know what he wrote?
He wants a wife  and not a colleague.
Finds it ridiculous, a composing couple.
What is he supposed to do, when I'm inspired?
Mine? 
No!
His work counts, mine doesn't.
Like a second-class human.
Only a female.
Oh well.
He lied to me, fooled me, acted as if he liked my work.
Clumsy, brutal. 
He could have just let things progress naturally...
What should I do?
You're not one to make sacrifices...
Break up with him! 
Now! 
I said.
Banal.
As if he knew how!
Nietzsche, Alma's favorite author, says:
"Going with a woman, don't forget  the whip."
If I painted like he composes, I'd sell nothing.
I must build my life, around his needs, hope for nothing in return but his love.
Love?
It's pure egoism!
He thinks he's better than Wagner...
Gustav wants our roles to be clearly defined.
His is the role of the composer, and mine the one of the understanding comrade, of the loving companion.
Better a separation now than a forced mistake.
That would be devastating for both of us.
He tore my heart from my chest.
No... lt's beating right next to mine.
I love him... indescribably.
He would have been the better choice.
What?
The boulders are starting to shift.
You're faster than me.
No one was ever this good at writing parts for me.
Will you do the second horn part, too?
The sixth horn holds the "B" another seven bars.
Ouch.
-What's wrong? 
-Your son kicked me.
He's got your twitch in his foot.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Heavenly... 
Gustav.
For you... 
Almschi.
These things take time.
-You're killing her! 
This is superhuman.
She's almost there.
- No human can bear this!
A girl!
For you... 
Gustav.
Putzi! 
What happened?
Marmalade game!
Mamamamamalade game!
Stop it.
Mama, what is this?
A.
"A" like Almschili.
But Frau von Mildenburg, you can't be serious.
You can't tell me where to buy a summer home.
No. 
But to buy a lake house next to Mahler, your ex-lover, is simply tasteless.
- Tasteless?
You of all people!
You stole him from me.
What an insane lie!
He dropped you long before.
You're a bitch.
I always knew.
I'm buying the villa, you won't stop me.
Ladies. 
Come.
Everybody's waiting.
Anna. 
You were wonderful.
Everyone be quiet.
Anna! 
You'll never believe this.
Anna, come! 
You have to see this.
You won't believe this.
Isn't that wonderful?
Excuse me!
What's wrong?
I think it's time.
- l'll call the midwife...
Where were you?
By the canals.
- No, in your memories.
In the good times.
You're still free of guilt?
Get the kids. I'll play you my Sixth.
Let's be alone, please.
Get the kids. 
Quickly.
Guilt?
I don't know.
My despair is only getting bigger.
-And after the good years?
Came the catastrophe.
- The affair.
No.
Why did you resign? 
Were you kicked out?
- Fired? 
-What's your severance?
What did you get?
- Excuse me? 
What?
For your smear campaign?
- Me? 
I'm for him! 
- Stop, gentlemen.
You know the house rules.
Good job!
What?
To kick out Gustav Mahler!
You should have protected him.
Carte blanche for the arrogant Mr. Roller!
To dump the Kaiser's lover!
Defending Schonberg's cat music?
Were you impressed?
It cost him his position in the world.
A musician's highest achievement.
Gambled away! 
A shame!
We're free now to go to America.
We don't need you.
-You bitch!
Unlike other people, I'm only here for him.
Mahler is an arrogant dog.
You're not in a pub here!
-You're the one who dug his grave.
Prof. Roller created visionary productions...
- They silenced us!
The opera's no fun anymore!
- No chatting! 
- Clapping is restricted!
No whistling!
- No tossing flowers!
Not even the tenor can embellish his high notes. 
- He banged all the sopranos.
Only art!
Thank you.
Yes, precisely: 
Art!
In his ten-year tenure...
write this down.
... Gustav Mahler created a model opera house, with his Tristan,
Fidelio and Don Giovanni.
He set the standard for all to come.
He was an unpleasant boss.
-You too? 
- He fired Forster-Lauterer.
She still sang pretty good. 
- She's sung out.
-And now our director is sung out.
And what about the money? 
-What money?
- The 200,000 kronen debt.
Unheard of.
I dug a little.
It was a total fabrication.
The monstrous debt was an accounting error, on purpose or not.
Mahler was a very good businessman.
The opera never had a better one.
I remember the smear campaign well.
And that hurt you more than your wife's affair?
No, not that.
Putzi...
- No! 
- Putzi got it too! 
- No!
Yes!
She's sleeping.
Tracheotomy.
Mahler's adored daughter Putzi, not quite five years old, died from scarlet fever and diphtheria.
After that
Mahler couldn't bear to look my Alma in the eyes.
Why?
I think... I think deep down I blamed her for Putzi's death.
Her death was the coup de grace for our marriage.
When you were closer to her than to me, this feeling crept up in me.
Something unspeakable... forbidden.
If Putzi was gone...
Oh God.
You still think you aren't at fault?
I don't know anymore.
The key is what your wife said about the letter, about the exposure of the affair.
- l don't know.
You know it!
You're blocking it out. lt is in here!
Yours! 
Mahler, Mahler, Mahler!
You stripped everything from me, so that I couldn't stand on my own anymore.
I'm afraid.
You're not in control.
Your subconscious mind is in control.
But you are dependent on your repressed memories!
You stripped everything from me, so that I couldn't stand on my own anymore.
That's why I kept getting sick.
You made your awful letter a reality.
I gave myself up and lived just for you.
I shared your hell. I was tort... I was tortured in your purgatory.
What did I get in return?
What did I get in return?
Our music.
-Your music!
My music was confiscated.
Banned.
I'm not a genius, but I would've liked to find out myself.
You made my music a punishable offence.
We have only one artist. 
One genius.
And his good comrade, who swallows everything, pays for, fixes, arranges... everything.
I suffered through your genius as your wife!
And now... it's enough.
I grabbed the straw of life.
A young man saved me from drowning.
I love him and will not give him up.
I will leave the dungeon.
I will leave you.
I understood too late, you're only married to your work.
Work, high spirits without joy.
Striving for the eternal.
- But that's what we wanted... both.
Why didn't I say "no" at the altar?
You cheated me out of my wedding.
All of Vienna wanted to see me.
They all were there. ln the afternoon.
Because you put it in the papers that way.
In the afternoon the church was full, in the morning cold and empty.
I wanted you like you wanted me.
I wanted a man like my father, with warmth, authority, life experience,
and success.
I wanted you. 
You, Gustav.
But I didn't expect to sacrifice for you the shimmering, promising life ahead.
Where in Bohemia are you from?
From Kalischt.
I'm from Freiberg, almost neighbors.
How many siblings do you have?
Eight survived.
And you?
Eleven.
Six died young...
... from scarlet fever and diphtheria.
We had more dead children than alive ones.
My brother Ernst died at age 13, from hydropericardium.
My brother Otto shot himself at 28.
I knew my mother only pregnant.
Mine had a weak heart, and she walked with a limp.
I loved her weary face.
I wanted Alma like that... sometimes...
Weary?
What did you say once?
If I got small pox, and my face were deformed, only then... only then you could show me how much you love me.
The sorrowful faces of our mothers...
You are my God.
Never did I experience greater things than with you.
I only longed for you and your love.
You fulfilled your promise, lifted me up to you.
I'm in your music.
I will keep growing with it.
And nothing...
And nothing can separate me from it.
You are strong.
I am weak.
I couldn't breathe in your heights.
Please forgive me.
Please.
You need to achieve your full potential.
I want to stand by you.
Will try to love you again.
The next morning she went to Toblach  mailed a letter and picked up another.
From the architect.
-Yes.
She is drawn to him.
Obsessive. 
The flesh.
Then I came to you.
Doktor Freud?
It's past six. 
You wanted to be woken.
Thank you.
My train leaves just before ten.
Mine too.
I change trains in Amsterdam.
- Me too.
You know, dear Direktor Mahler  it almost seems to me  your wife would've had to invent the adultery  if it didn't really happen.
To open up your eyes.
Gustl.
Sigmund...
Sigi.
After Mahler met with Freud, I saw Gustav Mahler in Munich.
Several colleagues prepared the world premiere of his Eighth.
Choirs, musicians from all over Germany.
I coached the soloists.
A thousand participants.
This evening in Munich, in a gigantic exhibition hall, gave Mahler the triumph of his life.
The who-is-who of the time paid him their respect.
Among them Sigmund Freud, and a young man whom I later met as Frau Alma's second husband, Walter Gropius.
After his visit with Freud, Mahler dedicated the Eighth to Alma.
Shortly after the Mahlers left for the United States.
Mahler praised his wife's compositions, which he had published.
He was already marked by death.
The angina, he suffered since childhood, had infected his heart.
In America he conducted with a high fever, broke down and was brought back to Europe.
He was so weak that, in Paris, he had to be slid out of the train window.
He died... during a roaring thunderstorm... in the night of the 18th of May, 1911, in Vienna.
Frau Alma's doctor forbade her to be at the funeral.
"My beloved!
The afternoon rehearsal is over, every note directed at you.
It excited me like I was sitting at your bed.
Freud is right.
You were always my light, my center point.
And this blessing heightens all my senses.
It's torture that you can't reciprocate.
But as love must awaken love, and fidelity will find fidelity, as long as Eros rules, I want to win it all back  the heart that once was mine...
Tomorrow is Tuesday.
Didn't you want to come?
Do you want me to sleep in the other room?
Your letter was so sweet.
After weeks, I feel this glorious joy of love.
But tell me over and over again, for tomorrow I won't believe it anymore.
Now good night, my sweet.
Send a telegram when you're coming, my beloved, your Gustav."
Esa-Pekka Salonen and the Swedish Radio Symphony Orchestra performed the only completed movement of Mahler's 10th and parts of his 5th and 4th symphony.
Film und Video Untertitelung GmbH

A Thousand Times Stronger
This is my school.
This is where I spend most of my time.
This is my classroom.
We're the oldest kids at our school.
Once, we were just as little as those kids.
And we used to have fun together, just like them.
But something changed and I'm not sure what.
We lost something.
This is Mimi's clique. 
She's not as dumb as she pretends to be, but people who seem smart aren't sexy, and being sexy is more important than anything.
Tova here, is occasionally allowed into Mimi's magic circle.
- A seven or an eight.
- An eight and a half.
The boys decide if you're sexy.
A few years ago, we didn't want anything to do with them, but now Ludde's circle represents the coolest kids.
They decide if you're good enough.
I'd give her a three.
But Selma's...
The geeks' opinions don't matter.
- Burkina Faso.
- Two horizontal squares...
Geeks like Leo.
Everyone thinks Leo is the top student, but actually, it's me.
There's Selma, trying to seem cool.
The girls right here could choose to be friends with the geeks...
Only geeks don't want to be associated with geeks.
I'm not sure what I am.
Maybe that goes for the others, too.
That's me.
It might seem boring to be me, but I wouldn't want to be Mimi, selling my soul like that...
-But they do seem to have fun.
- Hi, Ludde...
I don't really say much.
I almost forget what I sound like.
At school all I say is:
"Hi", "Thanks" and "Bye".
If I didn't tell you that was me, you'd never know it.
I'm not really noticeable, except on the inside.
I sure notice myself, though, constantly thinking away...
Like about how strange it is that this spot leads to everywhere.
Roads branch out from here, and connect with other roads...
This means you're connected to everyone on Earth.
Somewhere along the line, I grew quiet, but I'm observant.
That's why I'm able to tell you this story.
At this point, I have no clue that everything will change.
I have to wait for the events to unfold... just like you.
Our constitution was enacted to protect our inalienable rights.
Can you give me examples of rights listed in the Swedish constitution?
The freedom to drink, fuck, and smoke.
What do you say, Mira?
What's crucial in a democracy?
- Freedom of speech.
- Yes!
Freedom of speech is a right protected by law...
But can someone explain to me what freedom of speech is? 
- Hilda?
Freedom of speech is what I just put into practice.
True... 
But what does freedom of speech involve?
- Go ahead, Viktor.
- That you can say what you think...
-...and feel... and want.
- Right.
- Care to add anything, Selma?
- You can...
- Write whatever you want.
- That's what I...
We all have the right to impart information and express ideas.
This is a constitutional right.
We have several constitutional rights.
- Teres?
- You can...
Hey, is it a constitutional right to love anyone you want?
- In this country, yes.
- And if they don't love you back?
There's no guarantee of that, but you're free to love.
- Would you do that, Olle?
- Love you back?
- Everyone loves you, Ludde.
- Of course they do!
- What if you don't want to be loved?
- That's an entirely different issue.
Some countries punish you for loving the wrong person.
But in Sweden, you can love anyone you want.
- Even a horse?
- It's up to you.
- But I don't want to love a horse!
- Don't they have a right to be loved?
- Hey, this is getting...
- Don't animals deserve to be loved?
Think of all the chickens out there!
That's not the issue here, and raise your hands before speaking.
- That's not the issue!
- You started it!
Settle down and let's move on.
Can anyone tell me about other constitutional rights?
Leo?
Freedom of information, association, assembly, and religion are the cornerstones for freedom of speech.
Excellent, Leo.
- They're so sweet!
- It's been ages since we did that.
Hi, Mr. Principal.
ON EQUAL TERMS
Honestly, I must say that it's just wonderful to see how much you've progressed in the last few years.
I watch you and think:
You're totally cool to shed your inhibitions like that in the way you use color, form perspective and structure to express your individuality.
- Knock it off, Ludde!
- It's fabulous that you...
- Knock it off, you asshole!
- Teres!
- He's ruining it!
- Sorry!
- Temper, temper...
- He keeps splashing paint!
- I can't get it off!
- I have tics.
- Why are you such a pain?
!
- He did say he was sorry.
- It was for my mom.
- She'll still like it.
- No matter what it looks like?
- Don't be such a baby.
- No crying in school...
- She's so touchy!
Stupid idiot!
It's time to clean up.
Rinse out your paint boxes and wipe down your desks.
Teres, you stay and clean up.
- I'm done. 
Bye, teacher.
- But your desk, Ludde...
You're the greatest, Mia. 
Your classes whet my appetite for life.
There's ice cream for lunch, and I cleaned up the best I could...
See you soon, best time of the week.
- Okay, Ludde, just this once.
- O sole Mia!
- Bye, Mia.
- Bye.
Just look at this mess!
This won't do, girls.
We'll have to hurry. 
We can do anything as long as we pull together.
Signe, could you...?
We can't have it look like this.
Thanks, girls.
What would I do without you?
Hello, girls.
Here you go, have some hash.
There you go.
Have some hash...
There you go...
- What about the ice cream?
- It's all gone.
Show up on time if you want ice cream.
The reason why I think about the connecting roads is because I've been to Kenya.
The only thing the kids there wanted from me was a pencil.
A pencil to use at school, but I didn't have any...
I had a camera, a cell phone and an iPod.
It's weird how we all co-exist on the same planet, at the same time.
The story hasn't actually begun yet.
Life is the same as ever.
We don't question it.
Move in closer!
We don't realize that things could be any different.
We have a picture of life and just accept that's the way it is.
Floating around, like in some murky pool.
Back up now, kids!
That was then.
We didn't know any better.
Better luck next time!
Not yet.
...staring like crazy!
We locked eyes and it was, like...
King Carl XVI Gustaf...
- Who's that?
- Who cares?
Hi.
- Are you in our class?
- I think so.
Who are you?
Welcome! 
Saga, welcome.
Come on in, everyone.
- Welcome.
Good morning.
- Good morning, Olle.
- Good morning, my little lambs.
Anyone...?
As you can see, we have a new student in class.
Her name is Saga Reng and she'll be joining us for our senior year.
Would you like to introduce yourself?
Or do you want me to do it?
- I can do it.
- Great.
- Oh... 
That's fine. 
Go ahead.
- Thanks.
My name is Saga and I've never attended a Swedish school before.
I've gone to school in places like Cuba, Barbados, Kenya Tunisia and then in Uruguay.
- Lots of different places.
- My dad's job took us there.
Mom died when I was little and Dad decided to see the world.
We spent time in the Caribbean, and I went to school in Cuba and later in Barbados.
- Cuba... 
Do you speak Spanish?
- Yes.
- But they speak English in Barbados.
- Shit, Barbados!
We spoke English in Africa.
We moved here from Montevideo.
- Where's that?
- In Uruguay. 
That's in South America.
- And now you're here?
- Yeah.
It was time to move back, I'll be starting high school next year.
- So your mom is dead?
- That's what she said.
- Do you have any siblings?
- No.
Why are you here when you could be in Barbados?
I was told that the schools here are good.
We used to live here. 
I'm looking forward to going to school with you.
Thanks, Saga. 
It was fun to hear about your exciting background.
I hope you'll feel welcome and that you'll like it here.
Yeah...
- Hi. 
I'm Mimi.
- I'm Teres.
- Linda. 
- Hilda.
- Selma. 
- Alicia...
- Is he a good teacher?
- He's the greatest.
- That's good. 
- What's your name?
- That's Selma.
Hi, Selma.
- What's your name?
- Signe.
- I can't remember all your names.
- But you remember mine, don't you?
- No...
- But I'm Mimi.
- Look at all these sewing-machines!
- They're not enough.
Some dummy insists on making humongous clothes.
With the world's longest seams...
- Want to see my dress?
- What are you making?
- Look! 
Nice, huh?
- When will you wear that?
- To the prom, of course.
- Want to see mine?
- Nice fabric.
- Look, this is for Ludde!
- Do you think Ludde's cute?
- He's Mimi's.
If he belongs to anyone, it's me.
Did you have a crush on anyone in Montenegro?
- No, no one special.
- That's all there is to see here.
- This class is boring.
- The teacher's ancient!
- I can't believe he's married.
- His ring is just for show.
- You pretend you're engaged.
- She's not, though.
- One of my Kenyan friends has a kid.
- Is she the same age as us?
- She's sixteen.
- Does she carry water on her head?
Sounds awful...
This is our Chemistry lab.
It's full of boring stuff. 
Let's go.
She lives in the city.
- You can chat with friends in Kenya.
- And Cuba, Tunisia and Barbados.
- And I can get to know them, too.
- They don't have computers.
- How can I resemble someone in Kenya?
- On the inside.
Sure, we all have the same guts and stuff.
- There's the principal.
- He's really sweet.
- So you've been to Kenya?
- Yes, I wanted to tell you...
Come on!
- This is where we eat. 
- Hi, Ludde.
- Hi, Saga.
I'll show you the cafeteria.
I'm Ludvig Emanuel Viking...
Saga just got here from the jungle.
She's completely clueless.
Welcome to our school. 
I'm Kerstin and I manage the cafeteria.
Do you have any allergies?
Any dietary restrictions?
She only eats coconuts and snake purée.
She may be armed. 
She just got here from the slums of South America.
- Where everything's drugs and guns.
- You watch too much TV.
- People there live like you do.
- Like you'd know. 
I'm a bandit.
- I'd fit right in with the Mafia.
- So you can eat everything?
There's bread and salad over there.
Drinks are over there.
- And you can always have seconds.
- Really?
Schoolchildren need proper nutrition!
They'd steal your stuff, you know.
You'd be on your knees crying, begging to see your mom one last time, but they wouldn't let you.
You've really been there.
- She's actually been there.
- Can I sit here?
- Sure.
Saga... 
Come and sit here.
- She's calling you.
- Come sit over here.
I'm sitting here.
Why don't you all join us?
Christ...
- We usually sit over there.
- Right...
- That's where we sit.
- Do you have assigned seats?
- No, but the...
- Fine, we'll sit here today.
- So you can sit wherever you want?
- Do you like it here?
- Sure. 
And the food's great.
- Too bad it's fish today.
- Did people starve where you lived?
- When we went out in Montevideo we'd give our left-overs to people on the street.
- There were young mothers there...
- Left-overs?
- Life isn't exactly fair.
- It's not something you think about.
- Is that all you're going to eat?
- Who wants to get fat?
- They like full figures in Africa.
- Book a ticket, Selma!
They'd go mad about you.
- What are the boys like in Africa?
- Are they fat, too?
Is that all you think about?
Boys, and looks?
- Anything wrong with that?
- No, just asking.
- Don't they where you come from?
- Everybody does that, but...
It just seems to be so very important here...
Good for us that you know everything!
No, I don't.
There you are, Saga...
Is everything okay?
- Take care of our new girl.
- We've shown her the entire school.
- That's great.
And here you are, all together.
That's marvelous, just great.
- See you later.
- Bye.
- I'm glad you're in our class.
- It's the best class.
Everybody likes it here.
- Hi.
- Hi, Mimi.
Listen, there's something you should know.
- Something you don't know.
- Great.
Do you want to hang out with me?
- What do you mean?
- Be with me.
What do you mean?
- Be my friend.
- I thought I was your friend...
Sure, but...
But what?
Come on...
Whose friend do you want to be?
- What do you mean?
- Don't you get what I'm saying?
No, what are you saying?
You can't be friends with everybody.
- Why not?
- That's just how it is!
I'm...
- You must know what I mean!
- No.
Let's get one thing straight.
I'm the one...
You're the one who does what?
Like I said, everybody's happy the way things are.
We want things to stay the way they are.
That's all I had to say.
- Thanks.
- Don't mention it.
Pass it, Tova!
Pass it, Tova! 
Don't just dribble!
Knock it off! 
- Viktor!
Stay in the game, Tova.
- That goes for all of you, girls!
Come on, Mimi!
Pass the ball, Mimi.
- Come on, Selma.
- Good, Saga. 
- Go!
- Come on, Selma!
- Move your fat ass.
Thanks a lot.
- Pass it, Signe.
- Pass the ball!
- Signe...
- Try passing the ball.
Nice, Signe.
Guess we can always depend on you.
Hello, girls... 
- Hi, Saga.
Sorry I'm late.
We have these meetings every now and then where we talk about things that are important.
About things that have happened and upcoming events.
About things that are good or bad.
We get together in small groups, so everyone can have their say.
- Is it just us girls?
- We split up the boys and the girls.
It seems like it's easier to talk about certain things that way.
Without a bunch of boys who...
- Is this a religious thing?
- No.
But the girls don't say much when the boys are around.
Right, girls?
You must have some kind of an opinion about that.
No.
Don't you agree that you allow the boys to take up too much space?
- No.
- Am I the only one who thinks so?
Other teachers feel the same way.
You allow the boys to dominate you.
I don't see it that way.
It's not causing me any harm...
- It's not a problem.
- Why bug us about this?
And the rest of you?
- What about you, Signe?
- What?
- Well?
- A little bit, I guess.
- It depends on who you are.
- It's not like you say it is.
- No.
Great...
What's your take on this, Tova?
Can I go see the nurse?
I have a splitting headache.
Me too...
Tell us about that kid in Uruguay lugging that pillow around...
Didn't he have a home?
- And the mom you gave left-overs!
- She was so happy, she cried.
- All for left-overs!
- Where did that kid live?
- In some park.
- Sleeping in the park all alone?
!
Didn't he have any parents?
- When you think about it...
- Just imagine it!
And what about those girls who couldn't go to school?
- They had to become prostitutes.
- Is that really how it is?
- You get that everywhere.
- That's wrong!
I get so mad! 
Really steams me up!
- It's a good thing it's so far away.
- But it's not far away for them.
Turn the lights back on, Leo.
- Come on. 
Time to wake up.
What do you think after having seen how these animals behave?
Are humans really that different from animals when you consider...?
I've got to go. 
Bye. 
- Sorry.
In all species, males fight over females...
- Why do they fight? 
The male...
-...gets to screw the female.
- The victorious male gets...
- The best-looking female.
The strongest male gets to mate.
Does this apply to humans, as well?
Or are we...? 
- Yes, Mimi?
- I had this thought.
- Quick, before you forget.
Is it relevant to our discussion?
What is it?
You make it sound like the males fight while we just wait, like females don't have their own opinions.
You think an elephant can have an opinion?
- What are you trying to say?
- That's how it's portrayed...
But maybe the female picks the strongest male.
They fight to show her which one has the best genes.
She's not just waiting around.
She picks the one she wants.
Right...
- Don't you get it?
- It's just a turn of a phrase.
Right, your words show how you think.
They don't say it like that, but it could be true.
- It doesn't matter how you put it.
- Right!
No... 
Of course it matters!
It does matter!
- Of course it doesn't, Mimi.
- It makes a difference to the female!
What, like they can think. 
Do you want to give animals the vote?
Settle down!
Things are getting a bit out of hand!
Settle down! 
Settle down.
That's better.
I have some questions here...
I just thought of it.
Maybe she gets to pick, instead of the males deciding who gets her.
- Did you have anything else to say?
- Give it a rest, Mimi.
I don't know, I just thought it might be like that.
- I don't know... 
Whatever.
- Good.
Write at least five sentences for every question.
Hand it in tomorrow. 
Answer in your own words, which means think...
You're doing extremely well in every subject.
- And you're happy here?
- Sure.
- And you've made friends?
- Yes.
Anything you want to talk about?
Is there anything bothering you?
Not that I can think of.
It's all good.
I think so, too.
And the other teachers agree.
I want you to know that we're really happy to have you in this class.
You seem to spread joy around you, Saga.
Thanks.
You have a positive effect on the other girls.
- Have you noticed that?
- No...
They really need a role model.
They allow the boys to dominate the scene.
They don't stand up for themselves.
It's great that you do, Saga.
Right...
The teachers have talked about this.
We need a girl like you.
A strong girl.
I want you to think of this as an assignment for you.
A mission.
We think that you could be a positive influence on the girls.
We're truly happy to have you here, Saga.
I see...
- Who's in there?
- Saga.
- Hi, Saga.
- Hi.
I want to tell you something, Saga.
I don't know how to put it, but I think you're...
It's great that you're part of our class.
You're just so great.
I wish I was more like you.
You're the greatest!
Thanks.
Did I say something wrong?
Your turn, Signe.
You're doing remarkably well.
You ace all your tests and hand in great assignments.
Keep up the good work.
But there's something I've been thinking about.
I get the impression that you're awfully quiet.
Do you have anything to say about that?
You stupid klutz!
Right... 
Time to wrap this up.
Make sure everything's nice and tidy.
- Viktor, you'll clean that up, right?
That's it for today.
Well done, everyone.
- Thanks, Mia.
- Did you rinse your paint box?
I won't get to see you for an entire week, Mia.
- I asked you a question, sweetie.
- Can't we just text each other later?
- Ludde...
- I can't, I'm booked for weeks.
- Adios, Miamore!
- Bye, Mia.
- Bye, Mia!
- Encore Miadore!
Look at this mess!
There's water all over the floor.
Signe, could you wipe that up?
Just look at that paint box!
Could you rinse it, Saga?
No.
- What was that?
- I said no.
- Shouldn't we help each other out?
- I won't clean someone else's mess.
Oh... 
- Selma, could you?
Hilda and Alicia, help Mira with the desks.
Are you employees?
Or possibly slaves?
- What are you saying?
- The nice ones get stuck cleaning up.
Help out instead of arguing about petty things.
Is it fair that half the class leaves, and the rest gets stuck cleaning up?
- You have to do something about this.
- Me?
How fair are you? 
Leaving your classmates holding the bag!
It's their choice!
I'll take care of this. 
You can go.
Go on...
Next question: 
What is GDP?
- Kenny?
- I don't know.
- Leo?
The value of all goods and services during one year.
Good. 
And what is GDP short for?
- Hilda?
- The Gay Dopehead Party!
That's not funny. 
- Linda?
- Gross domestic product!
- And when it's divided equally?
- Samuel?
- I didn't raise my hand.
- GDP per capita.
- I was going to say that.
What's another term used to measure how people are actually doing?
- HDI.
- It was my turn to answer!
I want Ludde to answer.
Wait until I ask you.
What is HDI short for?
- Human Development Index.
- Do you have trouble understanding?
If I call on you, then you may answer.
The question was for Ludde, and he'd supposed to answer.
Right...
Could you give me an example of what HDI measures?
Health, infant mortality, literacy...
-...and gender equality.
- Sit down!
Did you lose your manners out on that hippie trail?
Excuse me?
Did I do something wrong?
Sit back down and we'll try this again.
- What?
- Let's see if you can behave. 
Sit!
- I'll ask Ludde again and you'll...
- Shut up?
Let's try this again.
What are the benefits of HDI?
GDP measures material well-being, but HDI tells you how people are doing.
It's a measure of how people are doing.
- What are you doing, bitch?
!
- She answered the question!
- It wasn't her turn!
- Ludde didn't know the answer.
- I never got a chance!
- Do you all have to scream?
- You have to wait your turn!
- What a mess!
- You started it!
- You did!
- This is not how we do things here!
- No point in raising your hand!
- Like you care!
- What's up with the discipline here?
!
- We've never had a problem before!
- You guys always...
- Shut up!
- Girls! 
Settle down!
- It's the boys' fault!
- Yeah, right!
Tell the boys to be quiet!
Quiet everybody! 
Quiet!
Be quiet!
We can't conduct class like this!
Listen to me, Saga. 
Don't answer unless you've been called on.
But the boys do that all the time, Olle!
- Fucking feminists!
- Patriarch!
Patriarchal prick!
Come on! 
Get back up!
Signe... 
What does patriarchal mean?
That's when just the men...
Quiet! 
That's enough!
- What's wrong with you?
!
- They won't pass the ball.
- They're always shoving us!
- It's part of the game.
- You want special treatment?
- We can kick you in the balls.
They keep elbowing our breasts.
And it hurts!
- You're oversensitive.
- We can't play with them!
From now on, every other pass has to go to a girl.
- Can't we do something else next time?
- Something without a ball!
Any suggestions?
We could try dancing.
- Girls like boys who can dance.
- I could set up a dance class.
That sounds pretty good, right?
Dancing, dancing, dancing...
Next time, both the boys and the girls get to dance.
You're in charge, Tova.
- Örjan, no!
- Just this once!
- That's one time too many.
- They always get their way.
- We never have any say...
- It's oppression!
In your positions, people!
One, two, three, four, five, six...
Stop, Viktor.
Which hand is your right?
Now look down, what do you see?
Your right foot. 
It goes out while your arms go like this.
Finally, Viktor!
Are you ready?
Five, six, seven, eight. 
One...
Stop! 
All at once.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Go on "one", after "eight".
Eight before one, okay?
Five, six, seven, eight.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
- Good! 
- There you go, Viktor.
- Big deal.
Now do it on your own. 
I'll watch.
Focus, people! 
And count...
Five, six, seven, eight...
Thank you! 
- You. 
Come here.
One more time, just you.
Five, six, seven, eight...
Five, six, seven, eight...
Try to relax a little.
Don't look so tense.
You're not wrestling, you're dancing.
Drop your shoulders and look up.
- Try to enjoy it, Ludde.
- One more time, everybody!
We'll try it with music. 
- Look, Örjan.
Good, aren't they?
They seem like a fun class.
- They did this in PE.
- Really...
It was time for a change.
Is it time for coffee?
Great kids!
It's chowtime!
Get up here!
Look at these wonderful boys!
They're simply great!
- They did this in my class.
- How did you get them to do that?
No! 
Don't stop!
That was great! 
Keep going!
Let's review some old stuff, I want to see what stuck.
Selma, Sweden's major export products?
- Me?
- No one else here is named Selma.
- What did you say?
- You weren't listening? 
- Mimi?
- Sweden's major expert products.
- Did he really say "expert"?
- Of course not.
- Import and export.
You may have heard of it.
What are they?
- Things we have a lot of.
- Like what?
I wish it was love.
Stick to the subject, Selma.
- Do we have of lot of that?
- No way.
- Love... 
What is this, Olle?
- You could export more love.
- What is love really?
- Everyone knows what love is.
- It's lots of different things.
- Keep them in line, Olle.
Like when you help old ladies get on the bus.
- Instead of pushing them off?
- That's choosing love over hate.
Maybe the world isn't full of hate?
- What about food or water?
- Only 2%% of Earth's water is fresh.
And 1.5%% of it is trapped in glaciers. 
Now that they're melting, you could pour it into barrels and send them to Africa...
-...where they don't have water.
- We weren't discussing water.
- Couldn't it be done?
- Let's get a patent.
Why send people into outer space when people here need water?
- How is that relevant to this?
- Rockets are just phallic symbols.
- Do we have time for this?
- Settle down!
When they launch rockets, people just stand there with their mouths open!
- What an incredible waste of money.
- It's just pathetic.
- Stuff for old men!
- Bet they're all impotent...
Yeah, they launch their super-cock and the world moans.
- The guys, maybe!
- What's wrong with them?
!
Think about what that money could buy.
- Like education.
- Health care and vaccines.
And water, just like I said!
- Let's get a patent!
- Stop them!
- Clucking like a bunch of chickens!
- Simmer down...
Are you done?
I asked Selma a question.
- I've answered it.
- You should be an inventor.
Yes, in Africa!
They like fatsos there!
But I guess it's lumber and iron.
Thanks, that's plenty. 
- Magnus, name some major export products.
It would be a lot more fun if we could ask you questions.
We should have a class like that.
Like on how to get a patent.
- Do something, Olle!
- Whip things into shape.
You have to act more mature, girls.
I asked Magnus a question.
Name a few more export products, besides lumber and iron.
Who gets to decide what to invest in?
- And how do you define "mature"?
- All right, ladies...
That's enough.
You can't make a habit out of this.
- I'm trying to conduct a class.
- It's so boring!
It would be more fun if we could talk about what we're curious about.
You've said it all so many times.
You're not even present.
That's why nothing sticks!
He doesn't seem to care.
That's it! 
Mimi, Teres, Linda and Tova can leave. 
- You too, Selma.
- What did we do?
!
- Get out of here!
- Yes!
- Now!
- We'll talk about climate issues.
- I was talking about that!
- Shut your mouth and leave!
- Finally some order!
Read this and answer the questions...
- What are you doing?
- You're being unfair. 
I'm going home.
- Home?
I have to study.
Wait a minute!
So now everyone's leaving? 
Sit down!
Listen to me and do your work!
- Are you listening, Saga?
- I'd rather study at home.
I don't know why you insist on making things worse, but this...
We'll talk about it later.
You're staying.
I want all of you to sit down!
- What did she do?
- Sit down! 
- Not you!
If you don't do what I say, I'll have to talk to the principal. 
Get out.
Not you! 
Stay! 
- Mimi, Teres, Linda, Tova and Selma - get out.
- You're staying here.
- I don't want to.
- You don't want to?
- I'm not happy here. 
Goodbye.
Come on, let's go.
Bye-bye!
Signe?
I've started getting lots of complaints.
There are things going on that can only be described as sabotage...
You've never acted like this before.
Your teachers are disappointed.
The atmosphere is terrible.
It's impossible to conduct a normal class.
You won't work together and you cause chaos.
You're acting in a very immature way.
Even the more reliable students have started talking back.
We know that there's always an instigator when problems like these arise.
But you also need a contingent of...
What should you call it? 
Followers.
Or what do you have to say?
I shouldn't have to remind you that this is your final year.
Think about your futures and your grades.
What happens now will determine your future.
It's up to you to decide.
And we've been looking forward to this spring's school trip.
Not to mention the prom.
Neither will be taking place if you continue to act out like this.
- Excuse me.
- Yes?
Is it okay to use collective punishment?
Nothing else seems to help, Saga.
It's the only option we have left if we're to help you get back on track.
Well then, girls...
I think we're all on the same page here...
You'd better watch it!
Get out of my way!
You're all a bunch of fundamentalist lesbian man haters!
- Fucking bitches!
- Learn you lesson already!
- Our school spirit is in the toilet!
- Stupid morons!
Hi, Ludde.
- I said hi, Ludde.
- Hi.
I have something to tell you.
- I have to tell you something.
- What?
- We...
- Whatever.
We might not get to go on a school trip.
- What?
- Or have a prom.
Why?
They can't just cancel them?
Yes, they can.
But why?
What do you think?
That was the beginning of the end.
Or maybe it had started earlier.
You can't really tell when you're in the middle of it.
We thought we were in this together, that our lives had changed and that it would stay that way.
But we had everyone against us.
We weren't used to fighting with everyone.
The boys, the teachers - everyone.
We got scared.
So Saga...
When are we going to fuck?
I can't think about anything else when I see you. 
Wouldn't you like to fuck?
I can't focus on your words, 'cause all I want to do is screw you.
Throw your milk at him.
You'll be working on your own today.
Read pages 102 through 120 and answer the questions.
I can't read that much.
It's Friday afternoon, Olle!
- We can do this at home.
- This is so boring!
Do it now. 
Hand in your answers before you leave.
I want to see how you do without my help.
- Go ahead, people.
- Do you need help?
I'm great at that.
For real. 
Hand it over.
Can you keep it down?
Here you go.
- Say thank you.
- Okay.
I mean, talk about a quickie.
Want me to have a go at yours, too?
That's not what I meant!
Would you mind shutting up?
Great. 
Thank you.
What makes you think you can order us around?
- Don't tell us what to do.
- We're trying to concentrate.
- You can't make me be quiet.
- No way!
- Olle?
- Yeah?
- Why don't you tell them?
- Little Ms. Cop.
- Don't start again!
- You cost us our school trip.
- What's up with this?
- Well, Saga, give it a rest.
- Yeah, give it a rest.
- Yeah...
- You want me to give it a rest?
- Everything's an injustice to you.
- Killjoy!
- Think positive!
Why do you act like everyone's against you?
That's simply not the case.
We'd appreciate it you could work out your personal issues elsewhere.
You can see the school counselor.
Get her an appointment.
Back to work.
You gave me an assignment.
Don't you remember? 
I was supposed to help empower the girls.
Isn't that what you told me?
But you don't really want a change, and neither do the other teachers.
Saga, I hereby relieve you of your so-called assignment.
Things have not improved, quite the opposite.
The situation's more hostile since you got here.
Fucking hypocrite!
She's right! 
You are a hypocrite!
- We all know that Saga's right!
But we're all cowards and no one dares to speak out!
We all know that she's right!
We're all just a bunch of useless cowards!
Saga, wait up!
- I just want to say something.
- What?
- I want to say that I'm...
- That I'm...?
- I want to say that I'm...
- Not like the others?
- How did you know?
- And how would anyone know?
Saga never returned to school.
No one said anything about it.
We all wondered, but no one knew a thing.
She wouldn't return our calls or text messages...
And why should she?
We had let her down.
But something's changed deep down inside of me.
Something's been switched on, like a buzzer.
I'm still shy, but I'm not as scared anymore.
Saga changed us. 
But we got scared.
I could see what was going on and I'm mad at myself for being a coward, but I was braver than all the rest of them.
I thought I was a wimp, a 'fraidy cat - but I wasn't.
Now I know.
Hi...
- I've been looking for you. 
All over.
- Really?
- Oh. 
We're leaving tomorrow.
- Where are you going?
Kenya. 
Dad will be working there.
- Kenya?
- He's working on a school project.
We decided to go at the last minute.
Hang on.
Here. 
Give these pens to the kids.
Great. 
Thanks.
There's enough for a few kids.
- How's...?
- No good, without you.
I hope everything works out for you in Kenya.
Same to you, in...
Here.
I'll never forget you.
This is the start of desire.
It's not right to hide it.
If you tell lies, the police will take you away.
You go on this way, you will become a troublemaker like this noona.
Here, now.
Look here, you just eat one piece.
Do you know how hard it is to have to lose weight later on?
One piece of meat for you, just stick with vegetables.
Next!
Do your exercises!
Go on diet!
Really... really...!
Eat a lot.
Then one fine day, the beast became human.
Then the woman said,
Beast bodyguard, when did you become such a handsome man?
There are still a few days left...
Look over here. 
Then the beast,
I'm just a beast...
What's up with him?
Don't listen if you don't want to.
When she heard this, the woman got angry.
Isn't this the Prince?
That outfit was the one she wore the day she came here.
She said her dad bought it for her.
She has never taken it off to be washed.
I wonder why she's so stubborn.
End it, end it. 
The beast got angry too.
Fine, end it, end it.
Right then, someone appeared.
Hey, this is not a sad story.
Don't tell me it's so interesting that she cried?
My dad's better at telling stories.
Dad, my dad!
Actually, I don't need this.
I just want my dad.
My dad says he can't come for me, right?
Oh, why are you asking me?
Sung Na Young, your dress is dried now.
Get changed immediately.
If my dad doesn't come again this year, it's because he's somewhere else and can't come.
Ahjussi,
I don't need this.
Tell my dad to exchange this for money.
And with that money, tell him to get something nice to eat.
What?
That child is no joke...
Everything she does is exactly like Bu Tae Hee.
And she's smart too.
If that's the case, I want a daughter like her too.
But that child's dad, what kind of a man is he?
His own child longs so much to see him.
That's why you should tell Choi Seok Bong who his father is, too.
Hey...
How is this connected to Choi Seok Bong?
Choi Seok Bong longs to see his dad too.
Dad,
I really have a hard time keeping my mouth closed.
Every time I open my mouth, it's about Choi Seok Bong.
President, Frontier's Chairman Choo is here.
If that's Frontier's Chairman Choo, then he must be Choo Woon Seok's father.
Chairman Choo!
Are you Frontier Group's Chairman Choo?
Manager Choo Woon Seok's father, is that correct?
Yes, what is the matter?
Are you going to see Lee Jeong Tae now?
So?
He's sleeping right now.
Can you spare some time for me? 
I am...
Choi Seok Bong.
How do you know me?
We met once before in the President's office.
He told me about you.
Let's sit somewhere and talk.
So, why are you looking for me?
I beg your pardon, may I ask how you are related to Lee Jeong Tae?
We're friends.
If so, do you know about this necklace?
I do.
This is a very important question.
I'm asking, if you can tell me everything you know...
As far as I know.
Whatever I know, my son Manager Choo knows as well.
If you really want to know, speak with him.
That's all I have to say.
Chairman!
This young man, you should already understand what I mean.
Chairman!
Actually, it's not easy.
I tried very hard to check from various sources.
If only Jeong Tae didn't become like this...
I will look up Jeong Tae tomorrow.
Yes.
I shouldn't simply trust what that old fella Choo says, and keep waiting forever.
Dad, she just wouldn't go away;
she keeps staring at me.
What?
I said she keeps staring at me.
She?
What are you talking about?
Here... 
We met her at the orphanage.
What do you see here?
You don't want to do your sums, so you're trying out your tricks?
- I love you.
- I love you.
- When I call out, there's no answer.
- When I call out, there's no answer.
- Melody...
- Melody...!
It's not like that.
What does this mean?
Why are you singing all of a sudden?
Don't tell me you're going to propose?
Hyung, you know me so well.
In order not to drift aimlessly,
I've decided to settle down.
For the day our love is realized,
I'm working hard to prepare all the details.
You're speaking from dreamworld.
So you have the money for marriage?
You beat around the bush and speak nonsense.
Curly, curly, curly hair, that's why in a million years you still haven't evolved from your amphibian state.
Also your child is clothed in human skin, but he's still a Carp.
But this man is rich...
He even has a few savings accounts.
Oh yes, your accounts, why don't you transfer them to Kang Suk's bank instead?
I'll get her to get you the one with the highest interest rate.
I'll accept your offer then.
So Kang Suk's with Partner Bank, is that right?
It's a shorter wait for him to become a singer than for you to get married.
You're planning to buy a house with the tiny interest on your savings?
Curly, curly, curly hair, particularly today, you're trying so hard to make me feel bad.
But, what is that?
What exactly is that thing?
It can attract all the paper clips?
This? 
It's a piece of metal which attracts money.
Money?
This...?
This is Neodymium (Nd).
It's a metal used in cell phone vibrations.
Even the country's President's cell phone must have this.
So without this, they can't make cell phones?
So if you have a mine of this thing, it's like sitting on a mountain of silver and gold!
That will soon be where I'd be sitting on top of.
That mine, I'm going to exploit it.
Really?
Yes, President Kang?
What? 
So you intend to invest?
But you need to give me some time.
This time my principle is not to accept just any investment.
It sounds like it's for real.
No, no, no.
This time, it will be a joint venture with Japan's AMD company. 
Yes.
How is the President now?
He's doing his radionuclide cardiac angiography test today.
The result will help decide whether he needs an operation or just go on drug therapy.
I hope he won't need the operation.
You've not eaten, right?
What's this?
They don't look that good, but my sincerity is wrapped all around them.
So eat every single one of them.
You're not joining me?
Sorry, I need to go somewhere.
Where?
Here's some water. 
Eat slowly.
Chew well.
A woman I know, said these don't look very nice.
But they taste quite alright.
Maybe because it's my first time making kimbap,*
(*seaweed rice roll) it's a lot harder than I imagined.
But I'm good at slicing steamed rice cake...
About this,
I'd like to find out more about this.
My father gave this to my mother...
Have some water.
Dad, wait for me.
Your arm's not healed, yet.
Why did you come along?
But can't a niece come visit her uncle?
Alright actually,
I'm curious about why you came here so I followed you.
- What?
- You.
Oh... 
Something's up, right?
Dad, you know Chul Min too, don't you?
Dad!
Dad!
Dad!
Dad!
Dad!
Dad!
Wait for me.
Rude Seok Bong!
I say, since you're giving him a ride, you should say something.
Did I give him a ride?
You gave him a ride.
You mean, you let me give anyone a ride?
Dad, you think he deserves a ride that's why you let him get in the car.
No.
You sure did.
I told you, no.
You sure did!
Miss Bu Tae Hee.
The President already said no.
Why won't you believe him?
Fine, let's just say he is right.
Anyway, I just wanted you to talk to each other.
But you wouldn't let me get a word in.
What?
Just because Rockhead-Bong said something you agree that I'm right?
Stop the car.
Get off.
Please wait here.
Depending on how it goes, you may need to sign for the operation.
I see.
Nothing will happen; so don't worry.
Of course, you're stronger than anyone else,
President, King, Emperor, the Greatest.
Wait.
Can you all leave and give me some time with Shin Mi?
Yes, President.
Shin Mi, you... you asked if I knew who Choi Seok Bong's father is, correct?
Dad...
Yes...
Maybe something will happen to me in there,
I'll tell you now.
Have you found out anything from Jeong Tae?
No.
As I expected...
He has lost his memory;
I don't expect him to function normally anymore.
This is a small matter, so I'll tell you.
Up until recently, I didn't know for sure.
I heard it from Chairman Choo.
Frontier's Chairman Choo, you know who he is, right?
Yes.
If he finds out, he might get upset with me.
But my Tae Hee, in order to help you find your father, has suffered a whole lot.
See, look at her now.
The way she hides over there; eavesdropping.
President.
Alright,
I've decided to tell you, so I should get to it.
Your father is,
Kang... 
Chul... 
Min.
Jeong Tae's bosom friend.
Kang... 
Chul... 
Min?
Yes...
He is bosom friends with Lee Jong Heon too.
You mean...
President Lee Jong Heon?

You little rascals.
This one never studies and gets into fights.
What does your father do?
He's a cop.
Cop?
Good going, you little wastrel.
Your father goes around chasing after criminals and robbers so that you can get an education.
He's toiling away but all you can do is hit your friend at school, you delinquent.
Stand there and raise your arms.
What does your father do?
He's a chaebol* (*tycoon/conglomerate)
Chaebol? 
Oh... chaebol.
Yes.
If your father's a chaebol,my father's the president.
It's the truth.
I'm being serious too, you delinquent!
Do you have proof?
Proof?
This is proof that my father's chaebol.
It's not true.He's a total liar.
He doesn't even have a father and rents a room with his mom at Kang Woo's.
He's piss poor, so he goes around lying that his dad is chaebol.
Kang Woo, stand up.
Yes, Teacher.
What do you think?
Is his father really chaebol?
I'm pretty sure that Seok Bong's father is chaebol.
It's just that Seok Bok's father doesn't know about him yet.
That's why they are renting a room at our house.
But once Seok Bok finds his dad, his luck will change. 
I know it.
Teacher, aren't you curious to know why I have this charm?
I am a little curious.
A little?
No, a lot.
Then should I tell you?
OK.
Oppa, you look good today.
You're prettier.
Mom
Ex-boyfriend
Soo Ryun.
Did you forget that it was my birthday today?
You don't have to put on such a scared face.
I didn't come here to make a big scene in front of a guy who's leaving because he doesn't like me.
You wanna blow it out together?
Why are you doing this?
Don't do it if you don't want to.
Now, get the hell out of here, you dirty bastard!
Oppa!
Who's that woman?
Chaebol
My passport.
You're sitting on something of mine.
Does this airport belong to you?
Excuse me?
Fine. 
Even if this whole airport is yours, don't bother me today.
Cuz I'm seconds from having a breakdown.
I'm just saying that you're...
If you want someone to talk to, go find someone else!
It's not that...
That good for nothing bastard!
And YOU!
Why did you talk to me when I told you not to bother me!
Now I'm crying because of you!
I don't even have a tissue... what am I gonna do?
Here you go.
Why does this feel so good?
I shouldn't have blown my noise into this.
Why did you give me something so expensive?
It's fine.
That's fine, so...
I don't want to wash it and return it to you. 
So here.
Since you've given this to me... how about this also...
What do you think you're looking at!
Having one bastard in my life is plenty.
You live your life earnestly!
Excuse me!
It really is my birthday.
How can things like this happen to me all day long?
- Dealing with two damn bastards in one day. 
- Excuse me!
What, you still haven't come to your senses, you pervert!
Why don't you try insisting that you were touching your own butt!
Look, Miss!
My ticket was stuck to your butt and now it flew away!
What do you mean my butt...
Do you want to have a drink somewhere?
My aching head...
Did you sleep well?
We didn't just have a drink?
No.
Did I have something expensive to drink? 
Like liquor?
Yes. 30 year old shiraz...
Oh no...
I can't control myself when I have liquor...
I attacked you, right?
It's OK. 
I didn't mind.
Crazy! 
I'm crazy!
With a man I met for the first time!
Stop it.
- Let go of me.
- Get up for a second.
Why the heck am I so easy?
There has been a massive crash report for Flight 447 from Seoul to New York.
The bodies of 92 Koreans, 23 foreigners, and 9 crew members have all been located.
[Airline crash - no survivals]
The plane that has been located in the US is currently under investigation.
Thank you very much.
It's such a relief that I didn't get on that plane because of you.
If I had gotten on the plane as planned, I wouldn't be here right now.
It's scary just thinking about it.
If you feel bad because of last night, don't be like that.
It looks like the heavens caused our accident last night, so that I could avoid the other accident.
It seems like our destinies are intertwined.
So let's acknowledge that last night was a gift from the heavens and accept it as a precious gift.
Here, take this.
This is the most important thing to me in this world.
And I want to give it to my life's savior.
President.
What?
I'm sorry.
Wait!
Something urgent came up.
I have to go overseas on a business trip.
I'll be gone for about a week.
Please call me.
You're gonna call, right?
President.
Do you know that man?
He's a part of the royal family.
Royal family? 
What's that?
He's from a chaebol family.
Chaebol?
You can check this out for 15 days. 
- Yes.
Good bye.
You're gonna call, right?
Grandmother, are you all right?
How far are you going?
To the bus stop.
I'll take you there.
So you're saying...
That by the time she got back to the payphone, that book was gone.
Is that right?
How can she lose that book?
It's like she kicked a luxury car that was being offered to her.
That is my mom's biggest mistake and my life's biggest tragedy.
My life might be like this right now because of that book.
But I still have this piece of evidence that my father gave me.
Good, good.
You have the right attitude.
Seok Bong, you have to find your father.
And when you do, don't forget to give him my best.
All right. 
Then can I...?
Yes. 
Go sit down. 
Sit.
Teacher, how about me?
You. 
Stay there with your arms up.
Go, sit.
Why should I be the only one standing?
It's not fair!
He says his father is chaebol.
His father's chaebol!
Global leaders of tomorrow.
You need to make your company into a train filled with energy.
Global Leader's Workshop
It's now time to inspect the affirmative energy level of your company's "train"
Is your company succeeding?
The entrepreneur?
s "Energy Train"
Talks of bankruptcy bring in negative energy into a business.
Negative energy is like a cancer that eats away at the affirmative energy necessary for a company.
Whoever is creating that negative energy needs to be ignored.
You need to tell them to get off the train immediately!
Do you think that's necessary?
I'm sorry for the interruption, but I'll say a few words.
Just as he does in his book, the esteemed Kang Hyun Jung talked about the mighty power of affirmation.
Therefore, you need to ignore anything that's negative.
That's what you mean, right?
So, that would mean that you can't get upset when you're stuck in traffic during rush.
If you're going to be stuck in traffic, learn to enjoy that time.
Listen to the radio or music, or talk to your lover on the phone.
But this is the kind of thought I have...
It sucks to be stuck in traffic.
There are big problems with the roads of this nation.
Not only do I get annoyed, but I feel the need to do something in order to make things better.
This means that the power to change the nation's traffic problems may derived from negativity, not affirmation.
Negativity isn't the cancer that eats away at the power of affirmation.
I believe that it possesses the power to surpass the ability of affirmation in your life.
If you find anything negative in my words, please let me know without hesitation.
zI'm sure that your thoughts will help me to be matured into someone better.
I'm sorry.
I'm sure you think of me as a cancer and you'd want to throw me off this train.
I'll go now.
Hold on.
Which company are you from?
I want to find out also.
Since it came up, can everyone take a look at my necklace?
You saw the tall guy that just walked passed us, right?
Find out who he is.
Yes.
Even if you're born as a different person in a different world, all I need is you
Only you, as you are
You're the only one whom I need next to me
Even if I suffer to the point of defeat, all I need is you by my side
I won't be afraid of anything else if you're the one with me
He's back!
Oh great.
You saw, right?
Didn't I say that he would come back safely without getting caught?
Hand it over.
Everyone, hand it over quickly.
- Here, take it and shove it up your butt. 
- Hey, how about you?
What?
Give it to me.
Why are you the one excited?
Seok Bong is my "bong" (peak).
Seok Bong is my "bong".
When he finds his dad...
That crazy little bastard.
Hey, room 9129 is causing havoc because they haven't received their dry cleaning yet.
Your dry cleaning is here.
We took some time to get rid of the dry clean smell.
Thank you.
You must have a date.
Why don't you try a pocket square?
A pocket square is like a man's flag.
It's raising up his country.
A white handkerchief symbolizes a land of utopia.
I think the white will give off a romantic air against your black suit.
Where did you learn something like that?
It's special service from the hotel.
Let's see...
Which chaebols are in the luxury suites today.
Incoming call: bulldog]
Where this jerk go this time?
Han Yoo Dong, did you see Empty Bong*?
(*Seok Bong's nickname)
- Dong Min is looking for him also. 
- What?
I'll tell you if you give me 10,000 won.
I'll give you 20,000 to bite off your neck.
Looks like you lost money again from a bet.
I thought you had to save as much as possible for your sibling's hospital bill.
Why can't you catch him?
If you could catch him in the act, I wouldn't have lost any money.
Right?
What?
What nonsense are you spewing?
We are our own shadow.
We are our own shadow.
We are our own shadow.
We are our own shadow.
We are invisible.
We are invisible.
Your voices are softer than mine.
We are invisible.
We are invisible!
Hey you little slimy worm, why aren't you repeating after me?
Because I'm not a shadow or the invisible man.
Then what are you?
Chaebol's son.
No chaebol is claiming you as their son.
Why do you insist that you're a chaebol's son?
If it hurts, yell.
I won't yell even if it hurts.
I'll behave as a chaebol should.
Fine, why don't you do that?
What should you guys be doing?
As though you're not present, non existent.
Be the customer's shadow, their avatar.
All for the customer's comfort.
Attitude of service. 
That's your duty.
My final stage that's sure to elicit a scream.
Vicious little worm.
I know that you slimed your way out of work in the afternoon.
I'll be watching to see how long you keep this up.
zKeep watching.
You worm, wait until I step on your tail.
I won't get caught.
Pull together an inventory report for the check-ins.
For every single suite.
The bulldog's coming on strong so be extra careful.
If you let down your guard, you're sure to get caught.
He'll be the one who's sorry for stepping on a chaebol's son.
Why do you think I keep working here under that jerk?
Because all of Korea's chaebol meet here.
I'm sure my father will come here one day also.
Once he sees this, it's all over.
I didn't come here to work.
I came to find my father.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for bothering you on your vacation.
Team leader, why do you get paid?
If you can't handle the work, then resign.
It was a difficult situation.
Is that your excuse?
Are you going to kill someone and then say that it was a difficult situation?
That's...
Forget the excuses.How about what I asked you to prepare?
[Union Strike]
Why is it so noisy here?
If you act like this, do you think you'll get something in return?
Who are you?
Oh Sung Group's Director of Mergers and Acquisitions, Lee Shin Mi.
Lee Shin Mi? 
Lee Shin Mi?
Back off! 
Back off!
Take a look at this.
Even if you acquire the company, here's the petition with the workers who refuse to work for you.
Are you the president?
That's right. 
I'm the president.
Do you have to be the president?
If you're the president, the company will be ruined.
Why do you keep insisting that you have to be the president?
It's not due to my wishes, but the desire of the employees.
Don't make me laugh.
No matter how much you want to be president, do you have to sell out your employees?
How hideous of you.
What?
What's this?
Shall I go back?
If you want me to, I can go back.
But who'll pay your salary then?
Your company was in the red by 200,000,000 won by last year.
A debt close to 10 billion won means that you're at the brink of bankruptcy.
If I leave right now, your company will be in ruins with a whole load of debt.
Do you all want to perish?
Mr. Choi Ho Sung.
Mr. Kim Jung Soon.
Lee Ho Nil.
Jo Eun Sang.
Lee Jae Hyung.
Jo Eun Sang.
Here.
Gil Dae Chang.
Jung Hyung Eun.
I'll keep it short.
I came to give you the opportunity to be an Oh Sung employee.
You are now being resurrected from a debt-filled employee to Korea's best, an employee of Oh Sung.
Don't fall for it.
This woman is using you.
Do you want to just follow along blindly?
You can't trust this woman.
Once they takeover, they'll fire the employees first.
They'll fire you guys first.
This is something that I cherish the most in the world.
I'll make a promise to you with my precious hair in my hands.
If you trust me, I'll trust you too.
If you work hard and we see an improvement, I won't fire you. 
I promise.
Now, if you want to work hard under Oh Sung, please stand behind me.
Why are you just dawdling?
Don't you want to get paid?
Goodness.
What should we do?
You guys can't do this to me.
You don't have a lot of time.
In the next minute...
No, it's not a good morning.
I'll call out today's VIP room assignments.
Seol In Construction President Wang, Lee Kwang Hyun.
Manager Director of Jeon Jin Shipping, Yoo Dong Min.
It looks like he's not in a very good mood this morning.
He's seconds away from bursting.
And all of you already know but Director Lee Shin Mi will be using the suite room from today.
Our peaceful existence is now over.
Our time of doom is here.
Since it's unavoidable, let's just embrace our doom.
All right, who'll do us the honor and take on the suite room.
Fine. 
I'll pay a bonus.
Extra 50% in bonus.
An extra 70%.
Fine, my hidden card. 
Don't be shocked.
100% extra!
Is this how you're gonna be?
Can you call yourself a hotelier?
Kang Woo, you do it.
No. 
I'd rather die.
Fine. 
Go die.
Han Yoo Dong. 
Do it for your brother.
No. 
I have to survive in order to take care of my brother.
I can't put myself in danger. 
I'd rather resign.
Then resign. 
Resign, you jerk!
Are you bastards gonna be like this?
I'll do it.
Seok Bong. 
I gave you fair warning.
If you don't pay rent, I'm going to kick you out of the attic room.
You said you'll tack on an extra 100%.
Since you're adding on, how about another 20%?
120% extra.
What?
Forget it if you don't want to.
I didn't say that.
But you can't back out later.
Captain, you just keep your word.
Are you crazy?
Captain. he's lost his mind because he wasn't able to eat kalbi this morning.
Even if she's difficult, how difficult can she be?
You'll get hurt with that attitude.
The kid that was in charge of her room last year was institutionalized from a nervous breakdown.
Now for the one who's put down a royal decree, for our Slimy Worm, Empty Bong...
Let's give him a round of applause.
Applause! 
Again!
You made a good decision.
I'm proud of you.
I told you to keep clapping!
If you were going to cut your hair...
Do you think I wanted to cut my hair?
I needed to show something to the people who had no plans on trusting me.
Then you could have just worn a wig...
So small minded...then there's no authenticity.
And do you know how expensive a wig is?
It's not that expensive.
This is from a department store, and with a 5% coupon...
It's still more expensive than Namdaemun (street market).
Director, I'm going to put in gas.
Hold on.
Use the points on this for gas.
And use this free coupon for the car wash instead of using cash.
Hold on!
Try this.
- Good bye! 
- Excuse me.
This is our moisture pack. 
Please try it.
Give me one more.
Let's go.
Han So Jung, don't hit the brakes so hard. 
It wastes gas.
When are you going to fix that gas guzzling habit of yours?
Welcome, Ahgassi.
Do I run a gang?
Go work instead of standing here in line.
I pay you to work, not to stand in line.
He's going to be in charge of your room.
How much more are you getting?
How much extra did you agree to receive for taking care of me?
There isn't anything like that.
Fire him.
Excuse me?
He's not one to do this kind of work.
His back is too straight.
He won't bend his back to serve others.
I'm sorry, Ahgassi.
The room assignments have already been completed, so there's no one else who can handle your room.
Then fire him once I leave.
Is this the only luggage?
Yes.
Is something wrong?
No.
The other chaebol ahgassis who come here usually have more luggage.
It's like they've moved in.
Why? 
Are you vexed because there's only one bag?
No.
There's no need for that. 
Just pick it up.
I'm sorry. 
It's just a habit.
You can go.
Is there anything else you need?
No. 
You can go.
Then, is there something you've forgotten?
Are you...
Are you hoping for a tip?
If that's the case, you can forget it.
I didn't forget. 
I don't have any intentions of giving you tip.
Don't expect a tip from me.
Why?
Because I don't want to.
Now there's no reason for you to dawdle.
Get out.
Is she really a chaebol daughter?
How does it make sense that she spends big bucks staying in the Royal Suite, but refuses to give a measly tip to save money?
Of course it makes sense.
The Royal Suite is usually empty because it's expensive.
She only stays there because she doesn't want to see it go to waste.
And she's not giving tip for the same reason.
Then why was she born as a chaebol daughter?
She should have been born as the 9th daughter of an attic-room family.
That's what I'm saying.
She really is a vicious girl.
She may be a chaebol but she always goes Dutch.
Her bag is filled with makeup samples.
She tries to use credit card points and free coupons as much as possible.
And she can't stand seeing the light on anywhere.
Who turned on these lights when there's plenty of sunlight here!
We're throwing away money.
Turn it off immediately.
There isn't an area where we're trying to save money.
We're trying our best.
Stop right there.
What's the problem?
Are you going to drive around the cleaner all day long?
Going around twice should be plenty.
Why do you keep cleaning the same spot continuously?
Don't you know we're trying to save electricity?
Would you do the same thing if you were given a mop?
Please bring a mop.
Excuse me?
Hurry up.
I want to see if she'll clean it 5-6x with a mop also.
You really got suckered into it.
What do you suckered in? 
He volunteered himself.
That's right.
I volunteered myself so I have to do it well.
What?
Since we're dealing with a chaebol daughter, it's only right that a chaebol son gets involved.
All right. 
Go for it.
If you get a tip from that woman, I'll acknowledge that you're a chaebol son.
Whether you acknowledge it or not, I'm a chaebol son.
Of course.
Looks like only your father doesn't know.
Wherever that chaebol father of yours may be.
That...
Bong, why don't you...
I won't give up.
Whatever happens, I'm going to get a tip from that woman.
Choi Seok Bong, can I borrow your comb?
Hey.
You probably don't know because you're new here.
Bong may lend out his underwear but he never let's anyone use his comb.
He hates mixing his hair with other people's hair and dandruff. 
With his lot in life...
What do you mean his lot?
To a chaebol son.
Where are you going?
To get my tip.
Look at this.
Flushing money down the drain.
Check the CCTV and hunt down the person who left the water running.
Huh?
Give them a warning. 
If they do this one more time, they'll be cut.
Yes. 
I'll give a warning.
- Will they do this at their own house? 
- Treating people like it's her hair.
What did you just say?
Yes?
That you did a good job of cutting your hair.
Really?
Did I do that good of a job?
Wait.
You just insulted me, right?
No. 
It was a compliment.
It seemed like an insult.
It was a compliment.
Don't go around complimenting me anymore.
I'm getting a headache trying to figure out if it's a compliment or an insult.
The thing I hate the most in the world is wasting money.
Keep an eye out and make sure that we're not throwing money away.
If you don't, you can get fired at any time.
Why did it cost so much to get a haircut?
I should have gone somewhere else.
Why is that light on again?
Do you want to get rich?
Do you want to be a chaebol?
I'll share with you the secret that only 1% of the country knows.
How to get rich.
That secret is right in front of your eyes.
Just open your hands and grab it.
Grab it? 
How can you grab onto horseshit?
Where are we?
This is where the top 1% of our nation gather: 
Oh Sung Hotel.
The place is overflowing in every direction with the successful.
This is where they interact and stay.
Now, open your eyes.
Keep an eye on who they're with, what they're doing, what they're thinking, what they're interested in.
Find out what they want to do and what they refuse to do.
Don't miss anything and keep track of every detail.
Is he crazy?
Am I crazy?
OK. 
That's right.
You have to be crazy.
In order to be rich, you have to be crazy.
In order to be rich, you have to live like the rich.
Why aren't you guys clapping?
Applause!
Then, should we use the intermission to live like the rich?
Now, close your eyes for a moment.
And try to imagine yourself as a rich person.
Aren't you happy just to imagine it?
Becoming rich means that you can have everything that you'd like.
Luxury brand shopping.
Foreign cars.
First class ticket.
And a sweet glass of wine.
How ridiculous.
What crazy bastards.
Have you seen a cheater be successful?
If cheating makes a person rich, then Korea would be filled with rich folks.
How does a person like that even exist?
Ahjussi.
You're here?
You called about the book.
Yes. 
One came in yesterday.
Hold on.
Here it is.
Connect the dots looking forward when I was in college
It was very very clear, looking back 10 years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward.
You can only connect them looking back.
A letter of commendation: 
Best Investor, Choi Seok Bong
The 10th Annual University Stock Investment Contest: 
First place
So you have to trust that the dots will connect somehow in the future.
You have to trust in something: 
God, destiny, life, karma, whatever.
Oh Sung Group President Lee Joong Hun gives to low-income disabled families
Sometimes, life hits you in the head like a brick.
Don't lose faith.
If you live each day as though it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right.
Stay hungry. 
Stay foolish.
Stay hungry. 
Stay foolish!
It was difficult.
It would have been easier to die.
There was no such thing as hope in my heart
Till the day you came into my life
It's okay that I'm alone cuz I have the world in my hands
It's okay that I'm lonely
Cuz my heart is filled to the brim with my path
Bring me a t-shirt.
It's okay that things are hard
Cuz you're standing where I can see you
So close that I can reach out my hands to you silently and be able to touch you
What are you doing right now?
I asked what you're doing in my room right now.
No, I just brought up the dry cleaning.
That's just an excuse, right?
Excuse me?
You want to buy stocks there?
And make some money?
Are you a thief?
Insider trading is a crime also.
Did you come in here for something like this?
I think there must be a misunderstanding.
Misunderstanding?
The truth is what you see with your own eyes.
I know people like you well.
People who would do anything when they get a whiff of money in front of their nose.
Trying to pry out rich people's secret, not realizing their own lot in life.
Attacking head on without a second thought.
Trying to pick up anything that a rich person leaves around.
Are you finished?
Didn't you come in here like a thief to latch onto anything you find?
Get out.
A thief like you. 
You're fired.
- Let go of me! 
- Follow me.
Excuse, please let go.
Let go of me.
If I let go, I'll get fired.
If anyone gets fired, It'll be me.
Hey, let go of me.
Stop being an ass.
Are you in your right mind?
Do you think you can do whatever you want?
Look here, you chaebol daughter.
You called me a thief?
You think I'm the kind of guy that would steal your stock tips.
Stop acting so high and mighty.
You want to buy this stock?
If you buy stocks here, you'll lose everything.
Why would you buy stocks from a company that'll go under in 6 months?
Do you think I'm crazy?
You marked it for that reason also!
You chaebol daughter, don't live life like that.
How can you be the director of one of the largest companies when you can't read people at all.
Instead of pulling down the company,
Why don't you get married and take care of a husband.
What? 
You... really...
You want to fire me?
Fire me.
Try and fire me.
I'm so sorry.
Empty Bong, I mean Choi Seok Bong.
I'll fire him immediately.
Forget it.
Excuse me?
Since I'm the one who was in the wrong.
I can't just fire him because I'm in a bad mood.
That's true.
Then I won't fire him.
Still, fire him.
Huh?
Not now, but later.
If he does anything even remotely wrong, report it to me.
I'll fire him without even a hint of pity.
But you can't give him a hard time or anything.
I hate stuff like that.
Oh!
The pool's windows were a bit grimy.
I'll call a part timer immediately and have it cleaned.
Does money grow on trees?
Why would you use a part timer?
It's perfect.
Make the person in charge of my room clean it.
Is something wrong?
No, there's nothing wrong.
How can you be the director of one of the largest companies when you can't read people at all.
Instead of pulling down the company, why don't you get married and take care of a husband.
Hey.
Why?
Come here and hand me my juice.
I'm thirsty.
Why don't you just do it yourself?
You just have to reach out your hand.
My hands are busy.
What are you gonna do?
Are you going to beat me with that thing?
If you're not going to beat me up, then give me my juice.
I said I'm thirsty.
It's shaking. 
Hold it right.
That's good.
Why aren't you leaving?
You're not waiting for a tip, right?
I am waiting for a tip.
Please give me a tip.
No.
Give it to me.
You do have a thief's attitude.
It should be enough to get paid extra to take care of me.
What more do you want?
How did you...
I got it.
Huh?
I got it right by guessing.
That's that and a tip's a tip.
Stop staring at...
My money.
Hurry up and get that.
Who me?
Go and get that out.
You're telling me to go in the water to scoop that out?
Then should I throw it away? 
My hard earned money?
Hurry up and get it out.
The person wearing the swimsuit should be the one going into the pool.
I don't go into the pool unless I'm swimming.
Go get it.
Fine. 
I'll go get it but give it to me as tip.
No.
Give me.
Go get the captain.
I'll do it.
I said take it off.
If you ruin the uniform because of a personal accident, it'll cost you 10,000 won.
You're going to foolishly throw away 10,000 won to pick up 500 won?
I told you.
Whether it's my own or someone else's, seeing people waste money makes me sick.
Seeing you makes me sick.
You just insulted me in your head right?
At least he does that right.
Hey, hey.
Hey!
You!
Give me.
Give it to me as tip.
I told you that I wouldn't.
Then I'll stay under water until you give it to me.
You're willing to risk your life for a tip.
I'm risking my life for my pride.
I need to get a tip from you.
Should I go back inside?
Fine, even if you get a tip, it'll come from me.
So give me that coin.
Hey, why are you leaving?
Ahh... tip?
Look here!
Hey what's wrong?
Did something happen?
Huh? 
What's wrong?
Be quiet so I can watch the news.
President's Meeting with Entrepreneurs
The president took out time to meet with...
Wow, he's something else
Frontier Group's Chu Woon Seok.
Nickname, Prince of the Financial World.
Charisma, looks, and talents.
He's the kind of real royalty that women are looking for.
Women must flock to him like birds.
Father. 
Bingo!
Even when I look at him, he's really attractive.
I'm jealous.
Seok Bong, only if you had met your chaebol father.
I'm going to meet him.
Huh? 
Of course, you have to meet him.
You sure have to meet him.
Slimy worm, what are you doing here?
If you guys keep taking a break from work,
I'll let you take a break forever.
Hey, hey.
Stop getting mad.
And while you're here, have some of this.
They say that it's good for your stamina.
Are you trying to make fun of me?
How do you think this will help me?
I'm already overflowing with energy every night that I'm tempted to return to my previous cell.
Slimy Worm, you got a physical when all the hotel employees were getting their check-ups. 
Right?
Yes. 
Why?
You received a notice of protest, that's why.
You created some sort of ruckus, didn't you.
Why can't you just live quietly.
How can you take back something you already offered me?
Give it to me.
I heard in an interview that you plan on taking Frontier Group to the top 10 stock listing.
And that it's your dream to become the top ranking company's president.
Yes, that's right.
I'm sure that's every entrepreneur?
s dream.
Do you have any special tactics?
By chance, do you like tennis?
- Tennis? 
- Yes.
If you think about it, an entrepreneur is like a tennis player.
A lazy tennis player who doesn't practice everyday will end up having to quit the tour.
They practice everyday because they know this better than anyone else.
Yes, I see.
Thank you for taking time out for the interview.
- You did well. 
- No problem.
Good job everyone.
Good job.
But... don't you need a partner for tennis?
Why are you worried about a partner?
What are you doing right now?
What do you think?
I'm letting you know that not everyone can date my Oppa.
You still aren't leaving?
Tae Hee.
Congratulations on completing the important business deal.
Oh, OK. 
Thanks. 
But...
I have something to ask first.
It looks like you weren't too busy to meet women.
Who is this woman?
A special woman.
What? 
A special woman?
I'm not believing what I'm hearing.
Believe it. 
You heard correctly.
Then who am I?
You are... my special dongsaeng (younger sister).
Special dongsaeng.
I decline.
I didn't follow you around all this time just to be your dongsaeng.
Just like you call me oppa, you're just a pretty dongsaeng to me.
Mr. Chu Woon Seok, listen carefully.
Even though I'm not your special woman right now... 
I'll let it go for now.
Since I'll one day be the woman whom you choose.
Tae Hee...
That's what will happen.
Because Bu Tae Hee has already chosen you.
The man I've chosen will end up choosing me.
Good bye, Woon Seok.
Find out immediately who's the bitch in that picture.
Yes.
We have a party for the American Consulate.
It's a party where the top 1% of Korea will be attending.
I'll kill anyone who makes a mistake.
Anyone who makes a mistake will have to deal with this bulldog's teeth.
Confirm the guest list and get working.
Yes!
It was difficult
It would have been easier to die
There was no such thing as hope in my heart
'Till the day you came into my life
It's okay that I'm alone cuz I have the world in my hands
It's okay that I'm lonely
Cuz my heart is filled to the brim with my path
You haven't found the director yet?
Yes.
The party's about to start.
Did she run away again?
She's going to upset the attendees.
Secretary Han, keep looking.
- I'll keep looking also. 
- Yes.
I found Director Lee Shin Mi.
This is a public announcement.
Where were you going?
Don't worry about it.
Were you, by chance, running away?
Who's running away?
Do you have a party phobia?
Who do you think I am?
I don't grow things like that.
I don't grow things like that.
I just don't like loud places.
Even if you don't like it, don't show it.
Even if you like it, don't show it.
Controlling your mind and emotions.
Isn't that the basics of a royal family?
The director's party dress is ready, so please escort her to her room.
Over.
OK. 
Over!
Director, how can you disappear so suddenly?
Who said I disappeared?
I just went out for some fresh air.
She was about to disappear with the wind, but I brought her back.
Then I'll be leaving.
You can leave.
Make it tighter.
I don't think...
You can... make it tighter...
Did you find out?
I did find out.
But it would have been better if I didn't find out...
Who is the bitch that's so special to Woon Seok...
She's...
Wow, you look so pretty.
You like an angel who's come down from the sky.
Quiet.
I'm not going to raise your salary.
Do I have to wear a wig when it hurts my head like this?
You have to in order to make sure that your hair matches your dress...
Do I have to go to stuff like this?
The economy's bad enough. 
Why are there so many parties?
You received an invite and it's at our hotel.
Of course you have to attend.
You have to at least show your face and greet some people...
All right.
I'm only going to say hello and leave.
What are you doing here?
There was a complaint that the light bulbs were out.
Don't worry about me and clean as you need.
I'll quickly replace these and leave.
All right.
You go first.
What are you doing here?
I'm using this as an excuse to come see you.
You saw me.
Why didn't you call?
I said I wasn't going to.
I waited for your call.
If I say I won't, then I don't.
Was it that shocking to kiss me?
Father.
If you don't know me, I'll come find you.
Take a look at yourself.
Shut your trap and just enjoy the party.
Fine. 
I'll do that.
If you can explain this.
This is really putting me in a bad mood.
YOU!
Did you buy this?
Is money a joke to you?
You're foolish and thoughtless.
It's embarrassing to be your sunbae.
Look here, let go of me.
Let go!
Can't you see?
I'm not the Slimy Worm who was cleaning the toilet the other day.
Look at you, talking out of your butt again.
Was it that important?
Do you know how much Mom loved you?
Yes, this is Choi Seok Bong.
The results of the physical?
I'm really dying?

At that time, those earrings... belonged to someone else.
But, I... stole them.
That's ridiculous.
That person...
Who is he anyway?
Why should I believe you and tell you?
Couldn't that necklace also be stolen;
like I did with the earrings?
Or robbed?
Who knows?
So you cannot believe me at all?
Of course.
I won't even trust myself.
That's right, my dad only trusts money!
Then...
You would believe me if I give you money?
What are you talking about?
After meeting the president,
I fully understand why Miss Bu Tae Hee would do what she has been doing.
Believing in money only;
you acted like money can solve everything;
even towards your own daughter.
With money, anything would be fine with you?
You! 
This fella, you know who I am?
I...
I am Bu Gwi Ho! 
Bu Gwi Ho!
Right! 
I am Choi Seok Bong!
And I almost became Bu Seok Bong.
I'm glad it didn't happen.
The heavens helped me this time.
So you think you are so great by doing this?
You wanted to be Bu Seok Bong so desperately.
You think I didn't know that?
Not so...
Absolutely not.
My dad would have been only a pitiful man who knew nothing but money.
I feel terrified after thinking through it.
What?
Pitiful!
This guy... you really...
I wonder whose kid I am.
In that case, please tell me.
Those earrings, who did you steal them from?
Please tell me!
I won't.
If you want to know, show me proof that you received it from your father.
Episode 10
What are you doing?
You should leave too.
You stole those earrings and gave it to mother as a gift?
!
Why do you keep on asking questions?
Once is enough.
You stole them from whom?
Don't ask about it anymore.
You can't even tell me?
Dad...
I'm dad's daughter Bu Tae Hee. 
Bu Tae Hee!
That's why I told you.
Otherwise, would someone old like me admit to having stolen something under any circumstances?
Bringing up the past...
I... am Bu Gwi Ho!
Bu Gwi Ho!
Stop asking!
Dad...
Wait a minute!
From now on, don't use dry cleaning that freely.
Hand washing this kind of fabric is good enough.
Does it make any sense to pay for dry cleaning which costs more than the price of the clothes?
It doesn't make sense, of course.
I'll remember and remembered.
Never, never, never will this happen again.
I brought over the information you wanted about reporter Bang Soon Jin.
Never mind, I don't need it.
Are you free, Han So Jung?
My head hurts, I would like to go shopping.
Shopping!
I'm free and bored to death.
Let's go.
How is this?
Not bad.
Be truthful, don't just say whatever.
No, it's pretty.
The truth is...
It's too common and it looks like it's for an ahjumma.
Ahjumma?
Yes.
You pick then.
Are you buying for me?
Director, in that case.
The department store over there is having a sale. 
Let's go there...
Stop the nonsense, choose as I asked.
Yes.
This.
This one.
So childish.
Han So Jung.
You wasted your life!
Such low class...
Director!
Excuse me.
It's so expensive here.
The same one like this is 3 dollars cheaper over there.
It isn't so;
it was the same price.
Make it cheaper a little bit.
How about selling it for $25?
I'll come again next time too.
Here.
I already told you.
I can't go lower than $30.
Here, I don't have time.
Starting today, you shop here too.
This unni really knows how to make a deal.
It's not even cash.
I can't make any money like this.
Am I good?
If you really want to know, show proof that you really received it from your father.
I am not the main actor of some TV soap opera.
How could he treat me like that?
What a dirty and mean guy.
Hi, how are you?
This is Bang Soon Jin.
You got here quite early.
No, I just arrived.
Is there any painting you like?
Yes, but this time...
If you want to stand on both boats at the same time, you better make sure you have a firm grip.
Is it this one?
Not bad.
About that Choi Seok Bong...
If he is in your way, why not make him work for you?
Why do you want to meet me?
I thought you were going to contact me first.
Did you?
You haven't given me any scoop yet.
Why would I show up?
Right, what?
s going on?
I thought I would get nothing from you after all these work.
But lucky for me Bang Soon Jin!
I got more detailed information.
What detailed information?
Let's stop here.
My life will be at risk if I say any more than this.
Let's end this matter here.
I saw something on TV a few days ago when Bu Tae Hee was released from the police investigation.
Would you give me the scoop about that incident?
What is this?
And you call us good friends?
Hey!
I'm asking you something.
Why did you shield Bu Tae Hee from the eggs?
Reporter Bang!
I was going to call you.
It looks like you have an appointment.
No, we're already finished.
Go ahead.
Let's go inside.
No, let?
s go somewhere else.
Okay.
Ridiculous.
Ridiculous, it's too ridiculous.
Miss! 
What is it?
You don't need to know.
Why? 
Are you hurt?
So you're going to cry again?
I can't help you with that.
How could I say my dad is a thief?
President stole something?
!
Look! 
Look!
I knew it. 
I knew it would leak from my own mouth.
Why did you make me say it?
The President stole something?
Dad, how could you do that?
Didn't you feel guilty towards Mom?
Eventually you'll go over there;
how could you face Mom then?
Your mom knew about it.
What? 
Mother knew about it?
Yes, she questioned me just like you when she saw the necklace was missing.
So I told her truthfully.
No... 
Why would mother tell me that she got it from father?
Anyway, she didn't get it from me.
And you're mother let it be.
Don't bother me anymore.
That's why I am more curious.
Who is it?
You stole from whom?
Once you know, you will tell that Empty Bong.
No, and you better not associate with that Empty Bong any more.
I already told you I'm curious enough to go crazy.
Curiosity won't make someone crazy.
If you can't stand it, go shopping then.
Go meet with Woon Seok.
Dad...
Let me go.
I'll send Woon Seok a text message.
Text message is text message, stealing is stealing.
Have a drink.
Play with our Tae Hee.
You don't need to take care of me.
I'm drinking the tea you gave me last time.
I'm glad to hear that you're drinking that tea.
However, you don't look too good.
Is there something wrong?
No.
But, what do you want to meet me for?
Okay, I will go straight to the point then.
Don't you want to join our company when you, Choi Seok Bong, recovers?
What?
I, join Frontier?
Yes.
I don't think you need to stay at Oh Sung.
How do you know?
Who else besides Shin Mi?
Director, that's true.
If you want to find a job based on your own ability, then it doesn't matter if you work at Frontier or Oh Sung.
Please consider it.
I say this based on my observation of your performance during this period of time.
Okay.
Oh, And... 
This is...
You won't accept it if I said it's my gift.
So I will temporary leave it in your care.
Please drive it.
No need; it's okay.
Don't refuse it.
I am doing this because you, Seok Bong, are different from other people.
Yes, Manager.
I already took care of the matter with reporter Bang Soon Jin.
I'm at the front door right now.
I'll be right up.
Reporter Bang, I was just about to call you.
Woon Seok!
I would be happy to die for this.
This tastes great.
It's really good.
Eat a lot. 
It tastes really good.
Not that.
Oppa... no...
Riding with Woon Seok like this feels really good.
What do you want to eat?
Tae Hee...
Yes.
Am I that good?
Yes.
I'm not a good man worth loving so deeply.
I know that, so it's okay.
I hate people who pretend to be nice guys the most.
Oppa, for you.
I'll eat it myself.
Why are you always like this?
I'll sink deeper.
Hurry up.
Me too.
I got it.
What's so funny?
You are so much like a child.
Then, may I ask a question just like a child?
Go ahead.
In case Lee Shin Mi... not Woon Seok but Empty Bong...
If she likes that guy Choi Seok Bong, what would you do?
You are not going to eat?
Answer me.
That's right.
I can't always insist on my own way.
It tastes really good.
In summary, Bu Hoo credit card is currently in number one position.
Since last year when they introduced the Super Luxury Card, they've had a firm hold of the middle and upper class customer base.
They are showing strong growth, while our Oh Sung Smart Card follows behind Bu Hoo;
maintaining second place.
The worry is the distance behind Bu Hoo is increasing.
Our Smart Card never lost its number one place till two years ago.
Why are we having such a big gap behind Bu Hoo now?
Could it be a problem in product development?
We have added more resources in product development than before.
Adding resources alone is useless.
The result is lackluster.
The credit card business is our enterprise's core business.
If this trend continues, Bu Hoo is going to overtake our Oh Sung.
It's only a matter of time.
Sit.
Next week start working at Smart Credit Card.
What?
Why all of a sudden?
Oh Chun Man says you're capable.
Whether it's a donkey or a horse, we need to take it out on the field before we can tell the difference.
President.
President, they say Donkey's condition is critical.
What? 
Critical?
Why are you here?
I am here to meet the president.
Why are you meeting the president?
I'll start working at Smart Card.
Wow! 
Really?
That would be great.
However, they are going to look down on you for being a paratrooper.
Paratrooper?
After all, what else can you do about that?
All you need to do is do your job well.
You should meet director before you leave.
Hurry, let's go.
Director.
So Jung... 
So Jung.
Choi Seok Bong is going to start working at Smart Credit Card.
So?
I'm leaving.
Director...
None of them followed?
Who am I fighting with?
You have something to tell me?
None.
I... have something to say.
I said I will buy a cup for you.
Forget about it. 
This is enough.
But, what do you want to tell me?
I'm asking you.
Why are you in such a hurry?
Let me have a sip first.
Ah, that feels good.
All of a sudden, I don't feel like saying it now.
How about just having coffee like this?
However, before that, there is something I have to say.
It looks like you were quite mad about the report of the scandal.
I really did not disclose the information.
So it's okay to throw the bait then?
True.
I shouldn't have done that.
I'm sorry.
Is sorry good enough?
Who dares to do such a thing?
I met with reporter Bang Soon Jin.
She said there is a third party who provided the details.
Then...
Would it be the same third party who switched the coffee?
How much longer?
I'm very busy.
Daddy...
How is it?
Hey, the shoulder and the underwear are all exposed.
Pretty! 
Pretty!
Only wear it at home.
How many already?
I'm very busy!
Why are you doing things you don't normally do?
!
If you're going to do a fashion show, then why did you bring me here?
You should buy it for me in person not just throw money at me as always.
You think a credit card can be thrown around easily?
Other people can't even have one.
Why is she being like this?
This, this, this, I want it all.
You want all of them?
That's the benefit of having a rich dad.
Buy me all of these.
Go ring it up.
Now, are you happy having a rich father like me?
!
If I had a rich father like this, then I probably won't be a rich father today.
What did you say?
He probably means Miss won't be rich.
What!
Next, let's go swimming.
What's wrong with you?
It's enough to go shopping together.
Let's go swimming together.
Let's call Tae Seon too.
Tae Seon... 
Tae Seon...
Tae Seon!
You are doing this on purpose.
Do you think I'll tell you by doing these?
!
Daddy...
Miss...
Where is father?
What?
Is something wrong?
Donkey is dead.
He went to the study room by himself after he buried Donkey.
Honey, Donkey went there too.
You shouldn't be lonely now.
For Shin Mi's sake, I can't join you yet.
Donkey will take my place to accompany you;
just as he was taking your place to accompany me here before.
Heartless person...
Please wait a little bit longer.
You couldn't stay beside me.
See! 
It's not so hard.
Dad...
It's useless.
I'm not doing this for nothing.
In order for me to get close to Woon Seok...
Anyway, I did this for a good reason.
You don't need to worry about this;
just stay out of trouble.
Are you planning to show up on TV again with a messy mouth?
Daddy!
I have contacted him and I understand him.
Even though Rude Seok Bong is a little rude, he's not a thief who would steal like you did.
What is it?
Nothing.
You stayed here overnight?
Aigoo, it's okay.
What time is it?
You should dye your hair.
You have a lot more white hair.
No need; just leave it as it is.
It's normal in aging.
No, you should dye your hair.
You don't have much hair to start with;
now you look even older.
I don't like father looking aged.
Get up. 
I'll dye it for you.
You'll do it?
I think...
That is the face, not the hair.
Hair is behind.
There isn't much difference between the president's face and hair, so you need extra care.
Not that way. 
Give it to me. 
Let me...
No! 
I'm okay.
You keep putting it on the scalp;
just like kids painting.
If you keep on doing it like that, the president would lose all his hair and will look like octopus head.
I already told you I'll do it.
Don't just say it; you should pay attention.
It's my father's hair, so you don't need to interfere.
That's right. 
She'll do whatever she wants with her father's hair.
Let her do whatever.
Yes, president.
A person without a father would be pitiful.
What are you talking about?
Nothing, I didn't say anything.
You have no place to go?
What?
May I go out for awhile?
Do you understand what I mean?
I'll do my best to get the information from my dad. 
You just need to do as I say.
You need to date Shin Mi, regardless of what happens.
You called me out just for this?
Yes.
I'm leaving.
I need to prepare for tomorrow's work.
Good, Good, go prepare for work.
Put on face mask.
I'll buy you a suit.
Do you have shoes?
You should dress up nicely in Shin Mi's presence.
She let you join the company;
which means she has feelings for you.
Understand?
I'll take it as you agreed.
Aw! 
Our Bong shinning from head to toe.
Why does my nose keep running?
It would have been great if your mom could see you like this.
Am I not watching for her now?
I heard their pay is highest among credit card companies.
Don't work like you used to at the hotel;
do your best.
Oppa, I work in the next building.
I'll stop by during lunch break.
Okay, I'm going.
Um, Um.
Work Hard.
Aw, He looks great dressed like that.
He probably is a son of a rich man.
One needs to open and look inside in order to tell if it's poop or bean paste.
Rooftop house rich man?
s son, fighting.
Fighting.
Such bad luck for a first day.
Hey, paper towel, paper towel.
That's right...
I've finally found a place where I can cultivate the skill I've always had.
Just wait a little while longer, Father.
I'll work hard so that I can be a son you'll be proud to give recognition to.
Aja!
Hwaiting!
Good morning everyone.
I'm Smart Credit's newest employee, Choi Seok Bong.
Choi Seok Bong...?
Why did you come so late?
How are you, team leader Kim Kang Lin?
It was because of a dog poop on the way...
No need to talk about dog poops;
just sit over there and start your work immediately.
Yes.
Copy these before noon.
Copy?
10 copies. 
First page must be color;
stapled at two places and delivered to the conference room in 5 minutes.
Please wait.
[Min Moon Dae... hates people;
goes through the back door the most]
Could you repeat that?
Also, it might be difficult to finish these in 5 minutes.
Say it one more time...
Difficult?
But, you are...
I'm starting today; a new employee.
My name is Choi Seok Bong.
Today...
Ah, The one assigned by the president.
Paratrooper!
(*Paratrooper... gained the position through the back door)
It must be tough.
I'm sorry. 
I'll do it myself then.
How long will you stay before you resign?
What? 
Resign?
It's better to resign than be fired.
I don't know how great your father was.
But, this is not your green grass playground.
Let me finish it, Manager Min Moon Da.
Suit yourself.
The number you called is off.
Please leave a message after the beep.
Angel, Angel, my Angel.
Ainas, Ainas, my Ainas.
This...
Sorry...
If it wasn't me, you would not have to deliver it yourself.
Not at all, anything at my angel's request.
I'll bring it even if it's the rabbit on the moon. *
(*Oriental myth that a jade rabbit lives on the moon)
And I'll piggyback a baby elephant from the zoo too.
Here.
Would you blow on mine too?
But, that curly, curly, curly head is living with Slimy, Slimy, Slimy Worm?
Is it true?
Yes.
Curly, curly, curly head!
You are sticking onto Slimy, Slimy, Slimy Worm, aren't you?
So the same kind sticks together and people divide into groups.
Is this a refugee camp?
Fine, come over here.
I'll shave your curly head today.
Aigoo, it hurts, my nose is broken.
Come over here. 
You, come over here.
- Come here.
- Wait.
You're not coming?
Dad, be careful.
It hurts me more than it hurts you.
Don't look down on me. 
I was in the navy.
The ending...
Ahjussi!
Ahjussi, please stop!
Please forgive my father. 
Please hold back.
- Who are you?
- What?
Who are you, kid who looks like a goldfish.
Who are you?
We're finally able to live together after 22 years.
I'm finally able to call my father, Father.
I'm finally able to go to the sauna together with my father;
and scrub each other's back.
What is wrong with this kid?
It's so moving.
Really...
So, you two were classmates?
What classmates!
Curly hair took all my money and ran away.
Our friendship completely ended then.
Yes.
I didn't run away with your money.
I moved because there were some problems with the place I was staying.
You sure can lie without blinking even once.
So you mean the house you stayed in for 15 years without any problem had a sudden disaster?
Precisely the day after you borrowed my money!
That's really a story that makes a whole lot of sense!
Whatever. 
Sign this agreement in front of your son.
One year... one year...
Pay it all back within a year.
And...
You buy makeup with credit too.
If you can't pay then bring those makeup back.
Huh? 
Makeup...
Curly, Curly, Curly hair use makeup for...
I'm not lying, I'll be a rich man.
It might sound funny but I'll be a rich man.
Even if you look down on me, I don't care.
Till I am rich...
Daddy, how is it?
Do you think it will be a success?
Your acting was pretty good.
Of course.
If I can't be a singer then I'll be an actor.
However, it wasn't all acting.
Going to the sauna with dad;
scrubbing each other's back...
I really want to do that.
Do you?
Let's go.
Oh?
Remember to bring the scrubber.
You really want to go?
So my acting skill is really good.
So, what's on your mind that you want to meet here?
It's good to come out, isn't it?
Have some fresh air.
It's good.
Anyway, that empty Bong or whatever Bong is giving me a headache.
Are you talking about Choi Seok Bong?
How do you know?
I heard Woon Seok say he heard from Bu Tae Hee.
Did he?
The necklace that Choi Seok Bong has...
I'll examine the current condition of our competitor Bu Hoo Credit card.
I'm sorry, I'm late.
As we all know, the primary product of Bu Hoo credit card is the Super Luxury Card;
aimed at the top 1% users.
If they use pork, then we should use beef.
If Bu Hoo is VIP then we will be VVIP.
If Bu Hoo is top 1% then we will introduce a credit card aimed at the top 0.5%.
This is our new heavy weight card,
Premium Credit Card.
Oh, not a bad idea.
The best way is to hold onto the high income group.
My thoughts are different.
What about the average people who can't afford to eat meat?
If Bu Hoo aims at the top level rich man, we should target the general population which they ignore.
Hey, paratrooper...
Choi Seok Bong,
It looks like you're unaware of how people act in day-to-day life.
We are a company not a social service.
Only a card that targets the general population...
Like I said, would that make any money?
We won't know if it will make money until we try.
(*meaning not having meat in their daily meal)
There is a lot of people eating grass for a living.*
It makes sense;
and it's from a newbie who stepped into this meeting for the first time.
Let's give him a hand.
It's hard to believe that you actually clapped your hands.
(*Gentlemen keeps their promise)
Since you spit out the words, you have to take responsibility for them.
Choi Seok Bong will present his idea in the next meeting.
Let's see if his reasoning makes sense or is just a dog barking.
Where is Manager Choo?
He is on a date with Director Lee Shin Mi.
Is he?
Oh, this...
[Precious Metal Market Report] let Manager Choo study it.
Precious metal, then...
We need to be prepared just in case.
You know what I mean.
Yes.
Please have a seat.
No, I have another appointment.
Oh...
This afternoon, come with me.
I have something to speak with you.
Yes, I got it.
Aw! 
This painting is quite fascinating.
It has all kinds of creatures.
Fruits, pumpkin, jelly fish, and vegetables...
Combining the color purple with such random objects is very... unique.
Why are we looking at paintings all of a sudden?
Father said he wants to send a gift to your father.
Although it's impolite to say it;
no matter how I look at it, this looks like a bribe for asking Ahjussi to be his daughter-in-law.
Please bring a cup of tea.
Please forgive my rudeness.
What he said was right.
Oh, I heard Choi Seok Bong was hired by your company.
Yes.
Was it necessary?
It was our agreement after all.
He contributed a lot in transforming the Oh Sung Coffee into Ainas Coffee.
Is it the whole story?
What?
Is it the whole reason for keeping Choi Seok Bong by your side?
What do you mean for keeping him by my side?
It's okay if it isn't.
Oh, Choi Seok Bong wasn't the source of our scandal report.
He cleared it up with me.
He would say it was other people;
not him, of course.
Just like he planned with reporter Bang Soon Jin ahead of time.
What plan are you talking about?
I met with reporter Bang Soon Jin.
She said there was another source for the information.
If you don't believe me, then ask reporter Bang Soon Jin yourself.
[Bang Soon Jin-Reporter]
Have a nice meal.
I heard he transferred from the hotel.
What was his job?
I have no idea. 
I can't even ask him because he was hired by the Chairman directly.
What I heard is...
- Really?
- What?
Don't talk about disgusting topics during a meal.
It's obvious that the person you're speaking of, can hear you loud and clear.
So stop disrupting his meal.
It would be better to just say it to his face.
Because a person has a right to know what they're being insulted about.
Whether he is an illegitimate son or a paratrooper, just treat him like a copy machine.
Can you do anything right besides produce kids?
Look at yourself. 
Don't say anything until you tried yourself.
Tried myself?
Hey!
These trees are growing really well.
You get what you plant when you grow trees.
There's nothing more honest and straight forward than a tree.
It looks like I should plant some plants at home instead of playing golf all the time.
That would be nice.
I heard that Choi Seok Bong was hired as a special employee.
So did you tell him the story about his necklace too?
Although I could tell him the story,
I felt you have some reason for not telling him yet.
What do you really want to say?
Do I really need to spell it out?
I'm always supportive of you.
That's okay.
About that scandal report...
I think it's better to make it real soon.
What do you think?
That would depend on Manager Choo's ability.
Hurry up.
I'm not lying. 
I'll be a rich man.
Even though everyone say they want to be a rich man.
I'm fine even if I was disliked.
Till I'm a rich man...
How is it?
- It's great, isn't it?
- Bong... 
Bong...
I waited so long.
How was it?
How did it feel after your first day as an employee of the best company in Korea?
Say something.
You haven't eaten anything;
you must have been hungry the whole day.
You ate ramen, right?
Business card?
Did you get a business card yet?
Here.
Smart Credit Card, marketing and sales, Choi Seok Bong.
This is great.
Me too. 
Me too. 
Give me one too, Hyungnim.
So you got a business card.
Yes.
Don't print too many;
you won't need it for long anyway.
Give me some more for the folks in the hotel.
Me too.
What for?
Only me.
Give me one more.
What are you doing?
Precious metal?
Let go.
Go back to sleep.
Sleep.
You must be very tired being called a paratrooper the whole day long. 
Sleep.
It's nothing to be mad about.
It's right to be called a paratrooper since you are one.
It would be stranger to pretend not to be and get mad.
Good morning.
How are you?
Good morning.
20 copies, color copies for pages 5 and 7.
What is this?
This?
It's a parachute.
- Parachute?
- Yes.
It's a special dress designed to match my image.
I'm not ashamed of my nickname.
I'll become the paratrooper who is always the first to arrive at critical situations.
It sounds good.
Ah... 
Stapled in two places, right?
How are you?
How are you?
How are you?
How are you?
How are you?
Allow me.
Please help yourself.
Please excuse me.
Have a great meal.
How are you?
Welcome.
Oppa!
Our So Jung really does work here.
What brings you here?
Did you come to see me?
This is our company's bank. 
Of course I have to stop by and take a look.
Here, for you.
Thank you.
Hey, you!
What you? 
I'm a customer.
Hyungnim, why are you here instead of working?
Why are you here?
I'm a customer.
Please give me a credit card.
Hey!
Customer...
Customer, you are not qualified for our credit card.
Why? 
Because I'm jobless?
An unemployed person has a lot of things to spend money on.
I can process your request as soon as you have a job.
Why would I need one if I already have a job?
I would need money because I have no job.
So an unemployed is not a citizen of Korea?
Ridiculous.
Guilt for the rich. 
Hooray for the poor.
Although being unemployed isn't a crime, what you're doing is disturbing the peace.
Hooray for the rich. 
Guilt for the poor.
You're working hard.
Give yourself a round of applause.
Thank you.
You clapped again.
Brain not too sharp; you should work harder.
You worked hard.
Manager Min Moon Dae.
What is it?
You didn't spend much money before entering the company?
It probably cost quit a bit to prepare and study for the test.
Not at all, because I passed on my first try.
Even though you were able to come up with the construction fund, the stock took a big price drop due to the scandal.
So he has doubts about me all the time.
Yes sir.
What's worse is the problem with the credit cards is extremely serious.
If left as it is, the whole group...
Now is the time to make the final decision.
The President trusts only you, Director.
Whether it's Bu Hoo or Oh Sung, we need to merge companies for the sake of the cards.
We whole heartedly wish happy birthday to Miss.
Per your request, we didn't prepare a fancier meal.
We added some octo... octo... octopus in this seaweed soup.
It feels great to celebrate your birthday together.
It would be great if your mother were here too.
She would've complained about me again if she were here.
Because I was late in registering your birth certificate.
I heard that there was something urgent in the company when you were about to register my birth certificate.
I had my current name thanks to that too.
It was Seon Mi and father mistakenly wrote it as Shin Mi.
It actually was Soon Mi not Seon Mi.
It looks like the company really did save me.
Please have some.
The seaweed soup really tastes great.
Okay, I'll eat.
I heard there is a new development in the credit card business.
Is there?
I went to a business dinner party yesterday.
They all use Bu Hoo's card.
You might complain about this...
I was so mad I paid with my own card.
You did right. 
Father won't spend money for useless things.
Since we mentioned the credit card...
Would Director Lee be interested in taking on this responsibility?
Do you mean it?
This concerns the pride of our company,
I should hand it to a capable talent.
How about it?
Oh, is there anything you wanted for a birthday present?
I have received it.
Thank you, Dad.
Before we start this meeting, I would like to introduce someone to everyone.
Headquarters assigned this Director specifically for our new Smart credit card business development.
Hello everyone, I'm Director Lee Shin Mi from Oh Sung headquarter.
I'll be working with everyone starting today.
I wish everyone will give their all in the next couple of months.
[New credit card business proposal]
Why are credit cards only issued to rich people and those who have money?
We should change our way of thinking.
It's the first time in 10 years that young adult unemployment rate reached 10%.
It means unemployed customer base is increasing.
We should conquer those unemployed.
Let them take the TOFEL test, and provide scholarship benefit...
Are you joking?
What?
I heard Choi Seok Bong that your major was business management.
Did you fall asleep during class?
What do you mean?
Do you think that point is suitable in an internal meeting of a profit company?
Get out of here if you want to change your career to resource management.
Who let this newbie in charge of this?
It is I.
I felt Choi Seok Bong was not clear of where he stands, so I let him take charge of it.
It looks like you succeeded then.
It was a little overboard, wasn't it?
Do you have to make fun of me in front of everyone?
You are out of line.
We are in the company and I'm your boss, Choi Seok Bong.
And, you are badly mistaken.
That was a feedback from a boss to a subordinate;
not intended to humiliate you in front of everyone.
Where are we going?
You will find out when we get there.
You were never here before due to the accident during your first visit.
But you should pay a visit for a day like today.
What is it? 
Should I bow first?
Mother, my name is Woon Seok.
Thank you for Shin Mi.
You probably suffered a lot for Shin Mi.
What are you doing?
Come and place this on the stone.
It's tradition for adults to cook seaweed soup for their mother on their birthday.
Although I'm not good at cooking, I did cook it myself.
Mother, please taste it even if it isn't that great.
Sunbae, I would like to go someplace.
Seok Bong!
Are you getting off work now?
Yes.
These flowers...
Ah... 
Manager Choo sent these for Director's birthday.
It's hard to decide. 
Director hates to spend money on something like this.
Birthday?
Yes.
Do you want these?
If Director finds out, she'll probably make us plant these back into the garden.
Why should I take them?
So Jung you should have it.
Dear, I'm here.
I would like to share a cup of coffee with you.
Let me do this.
Okay.
I'll leave you two alone.
Come, taste this.
This is your favorite coffee.
Our daughter Shin Mi preserved this vanishing favor.
Now that Donkey went to you, you shouldn't be lonely anymore.
I was going to put its ashes next to you, but Shin Mi probably wouldn't like that.
Shin Mi didn't like Donkey that much...
President...
This...
How?
How did it...?
Ahjussi brought it over.
You should marry soon and have children.
Yes, I might have good news soon.
I'm talking about the necklace that Choi Seok Bong has.
How could I believe what he said about his father giving it to him?
Although we are not sure if it's true or not,
President Lee already hired him as a special employee.
If president Lee cares so much, it's possible that it's true.
You mean Lee Jong Heon?
It's me.
Your view of Empty Bong...
No, Choi Seok Bong really is...
No?
I need to see it for myself.
Have my car ready.
Are you looking for something?
What would a lady want for her birthday?
As a gift?
This black diamond necklace, how do you like it?
It's believed that whoever touches it once will become wealthy.
However she is a woman who doesn't believe that touching something like this, will make her rich.
And, the price tag here is...
For a gift?
Yes, which one is most popular this day?
This is very popular nowadays.
What is it?
It's a little bit difficult right now.
Hey, so you don't care even if it has to do with your father?
My Dad is on the move.
Something isn't right.
Where are you?
You know my father is very alert.
You need to follow him very carefully.
Yes, I understand.
I'm really nervous.
I'm sorry, I didn?
t visit you often.
I have been very curious for a long time why you are always drawing this.
Do you... really have a son?

Why did you close your eyes?
Are you expecting something?
Sunbae...
Episode 8
What the...
- Why are you here?
- Because I missed you Dad.
It seems you got it good this time.
You think so too?
Yupe. 
I can feel it.
Oh yeah?
You still can't give this up?
- That's all you have to say?
- Psh!
Try holding onto me like that!
What about food?
What are you doing here?
I'm here for work.
How is it? 
Can you do it?
I'll have to see.
Are you working with Choi Seok Bong again for this project?
Yeah? 
it seems it's going to work out that way.
What if I say I don't like it?
Why would you say that?
Yes. 
This is Choi Seok Bong.
Oh! 
Secretary Yoon.
What? 
That guy Choi Seok Bong said no?
Yes. 
He says he has no reason to meet you?
How dare he turn away a request to meet me;
the Bu Tae Hee?
Why is any dog or bird looking down on me these days?
*
(*a Korean saying that she says wrong)
- It's not dog or bird it's?
.
- Then what?
That's why any dog or cow looks down on you, miss!
If you're not confident, just don't say it at all.
If you don't let me speak, how am I supposed to live?
Bring me some cake!
At this rate we'll hit the ground.
I'm waiting for the perfect opportunity.
It seems like you've been meeting Shin Mi pretty often these days.
Is there any progress?
Yes. 
I'm trying.
That kind of wishy washy answer won't do!
If you're pissing off President Bu Gwi Ho thus affecting the company, then I need real results.
Always remember this isn't only about you.
What? 
Choi Seok Bong is going to be part of our team?
Yes.
What about his body?
Why are you worried about that?
What are you doing?
Get ready for the meeting.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Han So Jung, stay here for a sec.
Yes?
Do you have...?
Oh. 
Pads?
I do have one but?
Let me borrow. 
Just one.
What?
The one you borrowed last time?
you still haven't?
I paid you back.
You borrowed a winged one and returned a regular.
Since when did you become so petty?
You told me to become this petty.
You said that's how one becomes rich.
I did say that.
Then cut off the wings and let me borrow.
You're home.
Who are you?
Boong Uh.
Dad! 
You have to say I'm your son.
I'm hungry? 
let's eat!
Then finish eating and go with your father.
I'm not leaving.
I'm going to stay with my Dad.
Where?
Wherever Dad is living.
You said you're name is Boong Uh right?
I'm stressed out enough as it is so don't piss me off.
I'll sleep quietly.
Don't worry. 
I'll send him away.
I told you I'm not leaving!
I'm going to stay with you until my hair turns grey.
Yes?
You know you have to start coming to work tomorrow right?
I told you I haven't decided yet.
Fine. 
I have no reason to force someone who doesn't want to work.
Pay me back right now!
If I say that, it would be too shady.
Until you pay me back, don't you dare come near me.
Uh? 
Director?
!
Ha? 
there goes her temper.
She's telling you to pay her back?
Don't pay her back.
People should live the way they look.
You look like you'd borrow someone's money and never pay back.
How do I look?
You never paid back the monthly rent.
That's because?
Anyways, I have a personality that can't live with a debt!
Yeah that's something to show off.
Fix that first!
You have to be able to live fine with a debt in order to become rich.
Huh? 
He says he wants to become rich?
Oh wait.
You said you're going to find your rich Dad, right?
But... the thing that you said you'll find?
Is it wealth or your Dad?
Yes.
Director?
I apologize for last time.
I didn't have to say it like that.
No, it's ok.
Well, I felt bad  I wanted to congratulate you for finishing the treatment.
These are chaga mushrooms.
I heard it's good for people in your condition so I got some.
You didn't have to get it for me.
It's my sincerity so please accept it.
And this is the treatment fee.
I heard that Shin Mi let you borrow the treatment fee.
Pay her back with this.
Director?
I won't say it's for you.
Honestly, I wish that Shin Mi wouldn't be with you anymore; that's how I feel.
If I say I'll give it to you, you won't accept it.
So I'll let you borrow it.
Yes Mr. Kang.
I think it's time.
Hey...
That's not how you do it!
This is how you're supposed to do it to get foam.
Why did you come here?
I wondered why you closed your eyes and
I ended up here.
What?
!
The reason I closed my eyes isn't because of the things you're thinking about.
And what's that?
That's obvious!
Yeah, so what's that obvious thing?
Forget it. 
Have you thought about it?
Are you going to work or not?
I have a favor to ask.
Favor?
I'll work with you but if we succeed with this project, make me a special employee of Oh Sung Group.
I thought about it while I was in the hospital.
Since I was born, until now I have lived to find my father.
And I might leave before I meet him.
It was pretty depressing and I wondered what I've done in life till now.
In order to find my Dad,
I gave up my dreams and went to work at the hotel.
And all I've done in the hotel was to go to the Chaebols staying at the hotel, and show them this necklace;
hoping someone will recognize this necklace so my Dad will find me.
From now on, instead of living to find my Dad, I want to live my life.
To my father, apart from my necklace,
I want to show my abilities.
This is Choi Seok Bong.
He'll be working with us from now on.
I'm Choi Seok Bong; pleased to meet you.
Coffee?
I thought Oh Sung was giving up on their coffee.
They're trying to keep it going.
Director Lee Shin Mi is trying.
Look at her being useless.
With what?
It's not possible she's trying to beat our Iris Coffee, is she?
I don't know. 
It could be to capture the average people market...
That's not it!
This is how you're supposed to do it.
- Oww!
- Like this!
Push from the back and die!
No matter what, I'll end it.
Just watch; 
I'll show you.
I'm dying!
Die!
At the moment, Bu Hoo Ice Coffee is the world's best coffee franchise.
It's in competition with American coffee.
They have already set up over 300 stores nationwide;
and has a profit of over 8,000,000,000 Won.
What about the local brands?
At the moment there are no local coffee brands that can compete with them.
They've all been pushed out by international brands.
I feel that the international brands' image of modernity and luxury has helped their image.
So we should take a step higher and go for an even more modern and luxurious image...
No!
I feel that we should compete with our coffee quality rather than our image.
We need to show our coffee's strong points.
What's our strong points?
That we have a local roasting factory.
That means we can drink coffee with a much fresher bean.
Director! 
Big news!
- Why are you so excited?
- Look at this!
[Korea's Top National Group Oh Sung and the New Frontier Chaebol's Growing Romance]
- You found where Choi Seok Bong is right?
- Yes.
- Go there.
- Yes Miss.
How can you be so pretty?
[Is the Chaebol of the Century About to be Born?
]
Who is the journalist who wrote this?
It's a pretty famous paparazzi named Bang Soon Jin.
She's rumored to bite and never let go.
Find out what you can do legally and release another statement.
Yes, I'll do that.
Director, then we'll go to the meeting room and?
No.
(*What's done is done.)
0 is 0 and 4 is 4. *
Anyway, have you thought about what to do with the brand image?
This is just my thoughts but?
I think we need to step out of the Oh Sung Coffee title.
Me too.
If we say Oh Sung I feel like we're trapped in the Oh Sung image.
If we're going to compete with the newly roasted image, then shouldn't our image go in that direction as well?
How about a fairy?
Coffee is?
a fairy's present?
Woa? 
yeah!
We can make a character of a fairy too!
Fairy character? 
That sounds good!
What are you doing here?
You didn't even call.
You're here.
Hi!
Choi Seok Bong, I came to see you.
- What are you here for...
- That necklace...
Why is that necklace hanging on your neck?
Tell me in detail without talking back.
Then I'm sure I'll have something to tell you too.
What do you mean, something to tell you?
I told you not to talk back.
Answer my questions first.
Who did your mom say she got it from?
- From my father.
- Your father?
!
If only it wasn't for the company, I should've gone to see your grandmother.
Why this again?
Did you really give the necklace to Mom?
Tell me honestly.
- You didn't right?
- Th...
I thought Mom got it as a gift and lost it;
but that's not it either, is it?
Mom said this was her first and last wedding anniversary gift from you and loved it so much!
There's no way she would've lost it.
That's...
I'm right!
You didn't give the necklace to Mom!
At the time that was all I could do!
The reason I couldn't give the necklace to your Mom was...
Yeah, I was wrong.
I shouldn't have done that.
But why are you bringing this up now?
It's all in the past!
In the end, that's what it was.
I'm going crazy!
Hey! 
Tae Hee!
I'm going to go crazy!
Why is she being like that? 
Seriously!
Those rats!
You're face isn't looking too good.
Is something going on?
Nothing at all.
Not me, but it seems Donkey has been very sick these days.
By Donkey do you mean your dog that you baby?
Anyway, why did you need to see me?
Oh.
Actually,
I asked to meet because of Choi Seok Bong.
Oh, Choi Seok Bong.
Yeah, I heard something happened between you two.
It was nothing.
No way...
If you saw the necklace he was wearing,
I don't think you should just let this thing pass like that.
I think we should tell him what we know.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
What is it?
What is it?
Now he's acting like my son.
Let's go to President Bu Gwi Ho's home.
As I thought, it looks perfect in your home.
I took it because he gave it as a gift but...
Every time I see that thing I feel bad.
He gave it so I wouldn't take out the money invested, but I took out the money and kept the painting.
Which is why Woon Seok shouldn't have pissed off Tae Hee.
That's right;
which is why I scolded him.
If you look at Tae Hee, she's a pretty good girl too.
Though she does have jealous tendencies...
Now there's no need to fork out a bribe.
And honestly, our Tae Hee is much better than Shin Mi who acts like she's so smart.
Woon Seok just doesn't know how to pick his women!
That's what I'm saying!
Where's Tae Kyung?
He went out to buy a friend's birthday present.
I see.
Are you, honestly, thinking about leaving the company to Tae Kyung?
Why are you asking?
Honestly, isn't he too young to take over the company?
But he's the only son I have.
You shouldn't only think of it like that?
So what? 
Woon Seok is the one who released that article?
You understand really quickly.
I guess it's because you're so smart.
Do you really want to do this?
Now you're going around making false accusations?
False accusations?
Fine, then I'll explain it in more detail.
My Dad purposely pulled out his investments in Frontier Group.
And because of that, Frontier Group's investments were compromised and
Woon Seok needed to save the investments.
And this wedding article saved his position;
and from now on if there are no press releases against this article, investors will pour in.
Is this really a coincidence?
What are you trying to say?
Why are you acting stupid?
It seems you don't want to believe that Woon Seok was only acting nice to you.
Then again, you wouldn't want to believe it.
Choo Woon Seok has been using the great Lee Shin Mi for his own greed and purposes.
Can you leave now?
Oh yeah! 
I was going to leave now anyways.
Oh, if you won't believe me then you just have to watch if Woon Seok sells or keeps his stocks this weekend.
I'll watch out for you too.
Oh yeah!
I heard you started to branch out into the coffee business.
I'm sorry.
Good luck. 
I'll keep my eyes wide open and watch how you do there as well.
Like this.
You must be so happy.
You get to be the main person in charge of the president of the Oh Sung Group!
How much is your salary?
!
When you call me, do not call me Bulldog anymore.
Butler. 
Call me butler Kim.
Butler. 
Butler. 
Butler.
(*Play on Korean word for butler 
- JibSa: 
Jib = house, sa = buy)
What if I end up actually buying a house?
But that means you have to live with Director Lee Shin Min.
Will you be okay?
That is a little worrisome but...
The pay is ridiculous so I'll have to be patient and work through it for my love, my angel.
I became a housekeeper so can buy a house and live happily ever after with my angel, on a picturesque little house on the prairie...
Had I known this was going to happen I would've worn some red thermals as well.
I picked some luxurious and international images that will set us apart from the Oh Sung Coffee image.
El Atico.
Le Ciel.
Bon App?
tit.
Espoir.
How about just going with Fairy Coffee?
Isn't Fairy Coffee too tacky?
Our main competition is Iris.
- How about Tinkerbell?
- So childish.
A fairy's image?
What about Ainas?
- Ainas?
- Yes.
It's a plant oil used to thin paint in traditional Asian ink.
It invokes artists... respect for tradition.
Our coffee isn't only for local consumption, but for the global market as well.
So we should use an image that is easily recognized worldwide.
Right now we're on the rock bottom in the nation.
When would we be marketing overseas?
!
Ainas Coffee.
Oh! 
It's so nice!
This noble gift of the fairy will be presented to the world.
Stop chorusing your agreement, you're showing your ulterior motives.
It's okay. 
You can show your inner self.
Since you're as pretty inside as out.
Then start researching the public reaction and start creating some fairy characters.
- Daddy!
- No!
Not this time. 
Never!
Daddy!
You think business is some kind of child play?
This is the same as the Jeju Island situation before!
Why are you bringing up stuff from the past?
!
- Because it's worth bringing up!
- Oh yeah?
Then I'll do it too.
That necklace!
Why are you bringing that up?
!
- Because it's worth bringing up!
- Aish!
Fine.
Fine, but this is the last time.
It's really the last time.
I'm sure.
What is?
That Dad gave that necklace to Rude Seok Bong's mom.
Then?
Go right now and tell Rude Seok Bong to come here.
Oh! 
It's Rude Seok Bong!
Miss! 
You need to calm down.
The moment you tell Rude Seok Bong, you have to think about the consequences it will have to the Bu Hoo Group.
I got it.
The person you have called is not available.
Ok, fine. 
I'll wait just a little more.
The workers have come to the Ainas Coffee construction site.
Okay.
What is this?
Is this a moth?
It looks like a bug.
By any chance, is this our Fairy Coffee character you're drawing?
No way!
That's not it!
What are you doing?
You said the workers are waiting. 
Hurry up!
[My daughter Shin Mi, I love you as much as the heavens to the ground. ]
[I love you too as much as the universe mommy!
]
For our new coffee shop location, as you wish, we acquired the caf?
right across the street from Anise Caf?
.
On the grand opening day tell our model Sung Shi Eun to sign some autographs.
And as a promotion, give out our best coffee for free.
Um? 
do we really have to go that far?
Because Iris Coffee already has the upper hand with its branded image?
We need to push them down hard from the start!
Shin Mi will only see flies and we'll have all the customers!
So no matter what, put money into this!
There is no president in front of money*
(*aKoreansaying that she gets wrong again*)
It's not president?
it's business?
Keep it up and you might be out of business.
You know I can't beat around the bush right?
I'll get straight to the point.
Sure, talk.
The fact that Frontier's stocks went up because of our scandal, is that just a coincidence?
No.
I was lucky.
I'm sorry for you but we've had problems with investors backing out, and because of the scandal, we were able to get them back so?
You were pretty taken aback huh?
I've contacted the journalist and asked her to re-write the article, so the article should be published tomorrow or so.
I'm sorry. 
I almost misunderstood again.
It's ok. 
You almost did, but you didn't.
It seems I came for no reason.
I'll be off, go back to work.
Hold on a sec Shin Mi.
Mmm! 
It's pretty!
If I keep putting nice pins on your hair, maybe one day you'll use one of them.
Yah!
I'll be going.
Hey Shin Mi!
That article, you released it right?
Did you say that to our Shin Mi?
Yeah!
Why? 
Are you scared that Shin Mi might find out?
It's okay, I'm here.
I like even that mean side of you Woon Seok.
- So you should really give me...
- You really don't know?
Why I want Shin Mi.
Yeah! 
I don't know!
Put the pin on my hair for me too.
Do it for me!
Do it for me like you did for Lee Shin Mi!
Yeah! 
I'm not smart like Shin Mi.
I went to college because Dad paid my way in.
Do you think I felt at ease when that's how I got in?
You have no idea how hard it was for me.
But the reason I gritted my teeth and held on, was so I could become the woman you wanted me to be.
Please hurry up, the contracted time passed a long time ago!
Thank you for your hard work.
Mister! 
Mister!
Are you going to keep delaying our opening?
We're working as fast as we can.
If you keep working at this lazy pace, we can't pay you either.
What are you saying!
Hey forget this, let's leave.
Leave? 
Where are you going?
You need to finish now!
President, why are you being like this?
Please just be a little patient. 
Please?
Ok! 
Ok! 
Ok!
Is there anything you want to eat?
Snacks! 
I have snacks!
Come here! 
Come around!
Work while you eat, while you eat!
If you buy drinks in plastic bottles instead of cans it would be cheaper!
I bought it with my money!
I told you! 
Whether it's my money or someone else's money I hate seeing it wasted!
Please understand her! 
Understand her!
It's because she's an only daughter.
- Thank you for your hard work!
- Thank you!
- Be safe!
- Okay.
Just because it's time, they leave this little bit behind.
- If it was me...
- Even I would have left because it's time.
What?
!
How would you have felt director?
You're not even giving overtime. 
Would you have stayed and worked happily?
Yeah! 
I would have.
If you say that then you're a thief.
I'm a thief?
You're trying to save money while making them work a lot!
That's the same thing as trying to make a lot of money while doing almost nothing;
which is exactly what thieves try to do.
Are you done?
Let's clock out too.
I know because I've been called a thief by someone...
And on those days, it's good to just wash your feet and hop to bed early.
I'm going to do it on my own!
Hey... 
That's wrong!
Let go!
What's with your hands?
Here.
Here.
Loosen your wrists..
And be smooth.
I'm not doing this for free.
I'm taking this out of the money I owe you.
I'm good huh?
I dunno?
I don't know? 
I can't know?
Then again, I think I'm doing a great job.
What are you doing?
Director, come here and do it too.
Aish, come and do it...
- Can I laugh a little?
- No. 
Don't you dare laugh!
Then you laugh first so I can laugh a little too.
It's not funny.
I already know you laugh easily.
Don't laugh by yourself later, just laugh it off now.
I told you it doesn't cost money to laugh.
It's not funny!
Why do you keep telling me to laugh?
!
I'm Hong Du-kae!
So I can laugh now right?
I'm Hong Du-kae!
Hello, I'm Hong Du-kae!
For a while, with that article, we'll get more investors.
For the price that we talked about earlier, sell them all and dispose of them please.
Whoa! 
It's nice!
What is it? 
The atmosphere is very lux...
Is Choi Seok Bong sticking with that Angel Caf? 
or Coffee Shop or whatever it's called?
Yes. 
He's been sticking with Director Lee Shin Mi like a sticky rice cake.
Sticky rice cake?
I'll make him into dog cake from now on.
(she changes rice cake to dog cake which doesn't make sense - just plain dumb )
Call Rude Seok Bong tomorrow, right away.
(first thing tomorrow morning)
Yes.
Dog crap?
He has obviously watched some movies and dramas.
Hey.
Did you draw this?
Whoa, you drew this pretty well.
You must have drawn our fairy character.
Oh yeah?
yeah?
uh
Wow, this is nice. 
You just need to add wings and it's perfect.
Try drawing it.
Let's go. 
Aren't you going?
Yeah? 
sure. 
I should go.
Yes, this is Choi Seok Bong.
[Setting the Record Straight]
[A short note: the article on Lee Shin Mi  Choo Woon Seok's romance wasn't accurate]
Sit.
Tell me now.
I will.
What is?
Open it.
This is?
It's a wedding anniversary gift my dad gave to my mom.
The?
president?
You're in shock huh?
I was like that too when I first saw that necklace.
The necklace that should be in there, why is it around your neck?
Yeah. 
My dad gave the necklace to another woman.
And that other woman is your mother.
My dad drove my mom crazy with his women problems.
Where is the president right now?
I need to meet him.
My dad is different from other people.
If you show your necklace to my dad, he just might strangle you to death with it.
My dad... doesn't want to have anything to do with another son.
Hey! 
How is 7 X 8 = 56? 
It's 65!
7 x 8 = 56?
that's right!
I wrote it on my hand!
You punk, how low! 
You cheated!
Who is this?
Huh?
Um? 
the masseur for Miss has changed?
Oh! 
Is that so?
Why is he so young and good looking?
I don't like this.
Oh no, there are so many flower boys.
So he won't even be counted as good looking.
Let's go.
Stop!
After playing with Tae Kyung I'm feeling pretty stiff.
Give me a massage.
Are you sure you're good at massage?
Why is it so weak?
Now it's finally feeling good.
Trying to keep up with such a young kid at my age...
Is not that easy.
President?
Daddy!
What? 
What's wrong son?
Last time? 
that kid, Dong Shik, who fought with me...
His older brother said that he's going to hurt me for hitting Dong Shik.
[My brother said he's going to hurt you. ] [
- Dong Shik. ]
That little punk!
Dong Shik's older brother is a tae kwon do black belt!
What am I going to do?
!
That's why you should've had an older brother instead of an older sister for me!
If I had an older brother I wouldn't be scared!
You little punk! 
You say that because you don't know anything.
You should be grateful that you have an older sister and not an older brother.
You don't know how lucky you are.
Imagine if you had an older brother.
You guys would fight each other tooth and nail over the company.
And you'll really get beaten up, you punk.
But still.
I like an older brother better.
I don't!
For a son, I'm happy with just you.
Another one?
Just the thought of it makes me shudder.
What are you doing?
Aren't you going to continue?
It looks like you're the one who needs a massage.
You want me to give you one?
Mom.
I'll return the favor to the coffee which helped you with all your loneliness.
Today was your day off;
what's with the long face?
Do you want to be alone?
Make sure you lock up before you leave.
Why didn't I think of that before?
My father... might not want me.
Until now I only concentrated on finding my Dad.
Even if I find my dad...
My dad might not want to take me in.
Why didn't I think of that?
It's not that you didn't think of it.
You probably didn't want to think of it.
Humans always want to think only about whatever's easy and comfortable for them.
Just because they are parents doesn't mean they want their kids.
And just because they are parents doesn't mean they think their kids are the best.
Look at me.
To my father, I'm not even worth as much as his Donkey.
Choi Seok Bong.
If your dad says that he doesn't need you, then you tell him you don't need him either.
Don't be sad and clingy.
Welcome miss.
Welcome home miss.
- You came to work.
- Oh yes.
This looks good on me, doesn't it?
You look really tired.
The dark circles under your eyes...
Before you go to sleep...
I've readied a face pack for you.
Where's dad?
Because Donkey isn't feeling so well, your father is also... 
He's very worried.
He's in the guestroom.
I'm not used to the house yet.
I'm sorry Miss.
Please, don't be sick.
Stop thinking about leaving my side so quickly.
After my wife left like that and my one and only daughter won't stay with me, you know best how hard it's been, huh?
If you weren't by me, I don't know how I would have survived.
Right.
F4 saving:
using beans that's been roasted locally, sending the beans within four weeks and, selling the freshest coffee is our Ainas Coffee's economic plan.
Stale beans become acidic and during the foaming process does not create foam.
The foam you see before you is our Ainas Coffee's fresh selling edge.
I know what you're saying but?
Can you beat international competition which already has a set of regular customers, with something like this?
Yeah. 
This isn't some farmers' market.
To talk about freshness at a coffee shop, will that work?
There are reasons why everyone else isn't doing this.
I believe that their reasons are unimportant; and ours is.
The importance of food, with the rise of the Well-Being era, we will attract new customers with our fresh ingredients.
Okay, how do you plan on carrying this out?
You can't show this foam to each and every person.
We will show it to them.
Opening preps are going good right?
Yes. 
How do you feel?
Not bad.
Let's go prepare for the opening.
Hello.
Hello, we're from Ainas Coffee.
This is Ainas Coffee.
This is Ainas Coffee.
- We have our own roasting factory here.
- Taste real freshness.
Here, this way.
This is our opening promotion for Iris Coffee.
Instead of just staring from far away, if you take the steps to come this way...
We will give everyone a pretty coffee mug.
Good?
this is verrrry good.
As I said, in business, marketing is what's important.
Of course.
This was my idea, my idea.
Oh!
Oh my! 
They're not kids! 
So tacky!
What's with the fairy character?
!
Wait a minute.
Doesn't that remind you of anyone?
Oh I don't know.
Captain couldn't have drawn me?
Welcome!
What is this?
Why is there rice?
Let's stop using flower that you use once and then throw away.
To everyone, we will start giving rice instead of flowers.
You can eat rice for a long time!
And during hard times you can use rice.
For Ainas Coffee, this is a deep and meaningful message that Bulldog brought.
I see.
Wow? 
So Jung, you look pretty no matter what you wear.
Yeah! 
You are so pretty, I thought you were my Secretary Yoon.
Sit! 
I'll bring out some coffee.
Wait a sec.
I have some other business to attend to?
You should at least have some coffee before you leave.
They say it's a fairy's present.
You take the fairy's present.
I'm off to my fairy, my angel?
I had to give you a double take Director.
You were so good at promoting.
The people who were watching really looked like they wanted to try some.
Well, there's nothing I'm not good at.
* (The fist is still barley inside the palm till it's pulled out and becomes rice.)
Oh come on, there is!
The Rice Barley Game. *
What? 
What do you mean I'm not good at it?
Did you already forget the flicks of pain on your forehead?
What?
!
Open your hands!
Let's play the Rice Barley Game!
Call!
*
(*I'm in!
)
What do you think they're doing?
What I want to do.
You want to date?
Not now.
First, I want to become a singer.
Why don't you just go date around instead?
One, two, three. 
Rice!
- You lost! 
You lost!
- Let go!
Why are they sitting there?
But?
Iris is really doing well.
Refill!
Sir, we don't give refills.
Why not? 
In places that sell coke, they give coke refills.
That's our policy so?
I'm busy! 
Just give it to me.
Hurry the refill, babe.
What's going on?
- OMG!
- This customer keeps asking for refills?
What?
!
Pay and buy another one.
Make it so we want to pay and buy another one, instead of thinking of giving this crap.
Oh my!
What the hell?
!
What are you doing?
Kick him out right now!
- Yes.
- Oh my!
Excuse me.
I'm sorry but please step outside.
What did you say you wanted?
Refill.
You brought not even our cup, but their cup, and you want us to give you a refill?
Yes.
We can't.
What are you doing?
!
If you open your heart to your customers first, business opens up automatically.
What does the cup matter?
If the coffee is really delicious, they'll come back.
Why don't you take your father and leave, please?
!
Dad, go ahead.
I'm going to pay for the free coffee I drank.
Okay.
Welcome. 
How can I...
Dad!
How'd you get here?
What do you mean how?
It's my day off remember?
I wanted to see my daughter working in a real office.
Wow, it's nice!
Oh yeah.
Open an account for your dad.
Do it yourself!
Okay! 
Wait a moment, Sir.
If everyone in the world, were all fairies, they would all have wings
We could fly over the ocean, how much fun would that be
If everyone in the world, were all fairies, we wouldn't even need airplanes
How would fat people like my Dad be able to fly
I want a heart like a fairy
I would sing like a fairy
If only I could be like that
And hold onto that endless love...
This is the taste!
It's even better because I'm sneaking around drinking it.
It's even better because I'm with my angel.
...While we meet
We'll hold onto that endless love
Hold onto that endless love
Yah!
You've been caught!
What are you doing here?
M?
miss!
Miss! 
My angel did nothing wrong.
Take it out on me instead!
D?
Dael Soo! 
D?
Dael Soo!
Let's die! 
Ok?
! 
Let's go die!
Oh my Ainas!
Dear Lord! 
Why are you giving me such a heartbreaking love?
!
Drink it.
I'm sorry miss. 
I really can't drink this.
Even before they changed to Ainas, ever since they were Angel Caf?
, for a long time, I've always only... drank this coffee.
Even if you cut my salary... please let me drink this.
Netizens have been saying that it's fresh coffee  we've been getting good response.
At this rate we'll do fine tomorrow at the meeting with the journalists and surprisingly get a good review.
Surprisingly?
What? 
Did I say that?
The preparations for the meeting is going well right?
Did you bring the roasted beans from the factory?
Yes, we brought over the beans that's been roasted today.
All the national journalists  broadcasting companies have been invited as well.
So, you're telling me to switch out the roasted beans?
Yeah. 
And then make Lee Shin Mi a laughing stock in front of all those journalists.
Why are you always trying so hard to mess with Lee Shin Mi?
Are you asking because you don't know?
Lee Shin Mi has to go down for me to do good.
I can't.
Why not?
We are in a relationship in which we share the necklace and the earrings...
You know what that means right?
No, not until we do a DNA test?
DNA test? 
Fine. 
We'll do that.
It'll come out as true anyways.
But I still can't switch it.
You're saying you really can't do it?
Even if we're on the same side?
Even if I'm your older sister and you're my younger brother?
!
[Ainas Coffee Journalist Meeting]
Thank you.
- You checked the roasted beans right?
- Yes.
- Is the hall ready?
- Yes. 
The setting is all ready.
Where is Choi Seok Bong?
I don't know.
I haven't seen him for a while.
Where did he go during such an important time?
Director, I think we have to start.
Let's go.
Thank you for coming out to our Ainas Coffee.
We use roasted beans which have been locally roasted.
We hope that you check the freshness of our Ainas Coffee yourself and relay this to the consumers.
What's going on?
I don't know.
Go bring out another batch of coffee.
Yes.
Here.
- There's no foam.
- What's wrong with this? 
There's no foam.
Isn't this from the beans we brought from the factory yesterday?
It is!
What is this?
!
Didn't you say that fresh beans create foam?
There is no foam.
There must be a problem with the beans.
Problem? 
You called out all these busy journalists and that's all you have to say?
Are you going to tell your customers, we've had a problem so just drink it?
- Lee Shin Mi's downfall!
- Let's go. 
Let's go.
Take a picture of that expression and release it on the internet.
- One moment please!
- Let's get out of here.
- One moment, please!
- Let's go.
- It was really here!
- One moment please!
Yesterday, something happened at our Ainas Coffee.
Our employee was blackmailed into switching our freshly roasted beans to very old and stale beans.
What is he saying?
I'm sorry.
I needed the tuition for next semester so?
Blackmailed? 
By who?
!
Th?
It's she.
- Who?
- What?
!
- It's Bu Tae Hee!
- Let's go.
Bu Tae Hee! 
Bu Tae Hee!
What's wrong? 
Aren't you going to clock out?
It's weird.
What is?
Honestly, I found the employee trying to switch the beans yesterday.
What?
So I switched it back to the fresh ones for sure.
So who switched it after that?
Then... other than Tae Hee, there's a third person involved in this?
So it seems.
Let's get out of here for now.
Th?
this is?
I thought you left something important at Angel Caf?
.
[My Shin Mi, I love you from the Heavens to the Earth. ]
[I love you too, as much as the universe mommy]
So what you're saying is that it's true you used an employee in Ainas Coffee to switch the roasted beans.
Why do you keep repeating the question?
!
Oh! 
I want to do that? 
Mario Brothers!
Don't you mean Miranda's law?
*
(*Miranda's law: the right to remain silent until a lawyer is present)
Oh yeah, Miranda's law. 
I'm going to use that so stop talking to me.
Last year alone, you got caught 3 times by customs for smuggling brand name items.
Do you really want to live like this?
Have you talked to my dad yet?
I didn't talk to him but I got a text.
He said this time he's not going to help you so he said not to let you go easy.
- Here.
- What?
!
Daddy! 
How can you do this to me?
!
If you don't get me out of here right now,
I'm going tell everyone about the necklace!
Calm down and listen to your dad.
Don't just say anything just because you're pissed.
This is all for you.
That?
what's her name?
Porison Jilton?
If you don't want to become like her, you better get it together this time!
(*soft tofu stew with rice)
They'll feed you Soon Dae Gook Bab* there so, go eat that.
Soon Dae Gook Bab?
!
You're telling me to eat that?
Dad, I'm Bu Tae Hee, Bu Tae Hee!
How can your daughter Bu Tae Hee eat Soon Dae Gook Bab?
!
I'd rather you tell me to die!
How is it possible that a person like me is here?
!
It seems like Iris Coffee's image has been hit hard with what happened this time.
Their profits went down by 30%.
On the other hand, it's been very helpful to our profits.
At this rate, I don't think it'll be long before we catch up to Iris.
Good job.
Don't become lazy because of this.
And don't forget to check the roasted beans every time.
Move aside! 
Move aside!
Move aside! 
Move aside!
Bu Hoo group's Bu Tae Hee who's been arrested for switching the roasted beans, has finished the interrogation and has been released.
As the suspect behind the switched roasted beans, she has asserted her right to remain silent on all related matters.
- Don't look at me!
- Just give one statement please!
- Here!
- Please say just one thing!
- Please give us a statement!
- Explain what happened!
Fine! 
I'll say something!
I'll say something, so you better take good pictures.
You better not put these online, or else you're dead!
Don't put this online.
What are you doing?
Set up the line of cameras.
Don't you see this great chance for publicity?
Take it good!
It's my fault for being pretty and famous!
- Stop it! 
It's enough!
- Move aside!
- Aish! 
Really?
!
- Move aside!
Miss! 
Miss!
- You come after everything's over!
- Please get in.
- I'm going to go crazy.
- Please hurry, get in.
Hey!
Why do you keep taking pictures?
!
- What'd you do while I was posing earlier?
!
- Miss...
- Are you crazy?
!
- Miss! 
Please get in now!
You piss me off!
Bloodsucking chaebols!
Leave! 
Leave!
Leave!
Before that time, aigoo..
In my head, head...
Let go of her!
Ah.. 
I'm sorry.
Hey you brat.
Are you done running your mouth now?
!
Hey, hey. 
Let go of me.
Wait one second please.
This seems like a huge one.
A huge one?
Oh shoot. 
I'll do that again.
Solve the rest of those questions before you sleep.
Yes sir.
Go this way!
Face, body shape.
You're lacking in all.
Let go of me!
Let go!

I'm son of a rich man!
Why would I stay at here for such a low pay job?
I'm here not for the job...
Success!
This is impossible!
The test result showed positive blood related.
The hair in previous test wasn't from Mr. Choi Seok Bong.
From now on I'll live to my fullest instead of my father's sake.
Not because of necklace but me...
To show my talent...
This is...
My head feel dizzy.
I felt the same way when I first saw that necklace.
That...
So it's like this...
I was thinking, should we tell that kid about what we knew?
- Looks alike?
- What is this?
Precious metal?
Since Chul Min's name has been mentioned...
What are the relationships among you, Chul Min, and Jeong Tae?
Please tell me now!
Everything Father knew about Choi Seok Bong.
Shin Mi!
Why did you come here?
I'll visit you later.
Let's go outside now.
Father! 
You know who Choi Seok Bong?
s father is.
Could it be...
Choi Seok Bong's father could be the man called Chul Min?
Shin Mi!
What do you mean?
Choi Seok Bong's father could be the man called Chul Min.
How would director Lee Shin Mi know about here?
There is something fishy here.
Uncle, tell me, Uncle.
Uncle, you can speak, can't you?
Why is Shin Mi?
s father here?
Who is that man called Chul Min?
Please tell me something about this.
Miss...
Uncle...
Speak... say something...
Father...
Please answer me.
You knew who is Choi Seok Bong's father for a while now, didn't you?
What do you really want to know?
Why would you care so much about Choi Seok Bong?
Are you following me?
What do you want with Choi Seok Bong that you did something you've never done before?
I told you clearly before.
Don't stay with Choi Seok Bong.
- Father...
- You!
If you still think I'm your father then stop worrying about Choi Seok Bong.
- Why are you doing this?
- Get out! 
Get out!
What is this?
I have something to ask my uncle.
Not now.
His condition is extremely unstable right now.
He needs silence, and to rest well.
I got it, just a short time...
Just a minute will do...
Miss.
They already said he needs to rest.
Okay, Okay.
I'll leave then.
Lee Shin Mi...
Shin Mi...
Did you found anything from your dad?
Tell me something if you know.
Don't be so scrooge and keep it all to yourself.
Why are you caring so much about this?
Huh?
Oh...
Since I'm here, I need something to tell Choi Seok Bong.
Hey!
It hurts, it really hurts.
- Help me now.
- I'm going to help.
You really can't sense the situation.
Woon Seok.
Where are you?
Nursing Home?
Why would you go there?
I made some curry and would like to invite you to enjoy it together.
Um.
How is it?
It has all the information about Oh Sung Smart credit card.
He clearly knows something regarding Choi Seok Bong.
Why did he say he knew nothing about Choi Seok Bong?
I'm really sorry.
I have done that horrible thing to you and Chul Min.
It looks more handsome up close.
And the strong urge to hug...
You weren?
t asleep?
You better work if you're awake.
I'm not awake yet.
I'm dreaming about Director right now.
Feels so good.
Then... 
Continue your dream.
Thank you...
For believing me.
Would you let go of my hand first?
I'll take you there.
No, no need.
There's a charger in Director's office, right?
Let's go.
Let's go.
Wait...
Please be careful.
The phone went overload during the time it was shut off.
Who was it?
Bu Tae Hee.
Bu Tae Hee?
What is it now?
Let's see what I'll do if she keeps looking for trouble again.
That's right...
Uhh..
Bring me a report about the Win-Win project.
Yes.
Wow!
This looks very delicious!
Hurry and try it, then you would know if it's delicious or not.
Yes...
However...
I never eat onion.
Oh, you don't?
I wouldn't put it in if I have known that.
Pick it out.
No, I'll pick it out for you.
But... today, why would you go to the nursing home?
Oh?
Look at you.
Manager Choo also very puzzled about your reason for going to the nursing home.
I simply say I missed my uncle.
But... his eye looks like he didn't believe me.
For now on, for the sake of Manager Choo, you better stop caring about Choi Seok Bong.
I should do like this?
So I should do like this then.
But... 
Choi Seok Bong didn't call?
Yes.
Really! 
So I called so many times for nothing?
He's ignoring me, isn't he?
Oh, Dad.
I'm having dinner with Woon Seok's father tonight to decide on a date for engagement.
En... engagement?
Why? 
No engagement?
Of course I want an engagement.
However, Dad, who is the man called Chul Min?
Chul Min?
Chul...
Who is he?
President, please relax.
It won't hurt if you trust me.
It would be fine.
Oh... 
Let's redo it.
Please wait just a minute.
- Ow.
- Eh?
How is it? 
What?
s the reading?
This... 
That... 
Let's do it again to be sure.
Looks like it was very high.
No, it wasn't like that...
If I really have to say it...
I'm sorry, President, I pretended that I knew how to do it.
In reality, this is my first time doing this.
Please forgive me, President.
Should I call the doctor now?
Forget it.
It would be too high even if we try it again.
Yes.
I'll go take a rest.
Yes.
President!
What happened?
It's okay.
Oh, Young Dal.
Our Tae Hee is pressing me about Chul Min, so I told her.
Just as you said, there must be something Lee Jong Heon didn't tell us.
Didn't I say so earlier?
Since our Tae Hee saw both Lee Jong Heon and Shin Mi over there, it's only a matter of time before Choi Seok Bong finds out.
If he finds out this before you dig out the details, then all our works would be wasted, right?
Of course.
So if we're going to use it as a weapon, then we must prevent Choi Seok Bong from finding out.
You must tell Tae Hee to not talk about it.
I did tell her already, but how could I trust her mouth?
I can tape her mouth up with duck tape.
I wonder where she got that mouth, so unreliable.
I got it.
I'll ask Woon Seok to do something about it then.
Team Leader Kang.
Yes, Chairman.
Where did Manager go?
He went for exercise.
Contact him immediately and tell him to do something to keep Tae Hee's mouth shut.
Concentrate the advertisement on career college and university, plus talent transfer with TOEIC, TOEFL school.
Not Bad.
Not bad at all, right?
Especially the talent transfer with schools...
From a personal point of view, it's good but it's sad from the view point of a boss.
How about aiming straight at young people who are just starting in the society?
It's not too late to change now.
No.
I will make the Win-Win card a success for sure.
I'm going back to work now.
Director, please work hard too.
Fighting.
Miss.
How about this designer?
Use this designer to design your engagement dress.
Oh? 
What did you just say?
What were you thinking...
Could it be...
You thought of giving Choi Seok Bong a call?
Please stop it right away if you had any such thoughts.
I said... 
Yoon Mal Ja!
Regardless how mindless I am...
I still know how to separate right and wrong.
Don't look down on me.
Separate right and wrong...
Our Miss knows such a phrase?
Dael Soo...
Separate right and wrong or whatever, it's so hard to keep my mouth shut.
[Bu Tae Hee]
How are you? 
This is Choi Seok Bong's cell phone.
You... who are you?
Who are you to have Choi Seok Bong's cell phone?
Lee Shin Mi?
Yeah.
Choi Seok Bong isn't here right now.
You are staying with Choi Seok Bong right now?
This is an office and he is not at his desk.
Let him answer the phone now.
What's the matter?
If it's about the nursing home...
Wait a minute...
Choi Seok Bong, your call.
Yes, I'm Choi Seok Bong.
Choi Seok Bong, why aren't you answering my call?
You didn't see my number?
I saw it.
I was going to call you back.
However... 
What's the matter?
Nursing home?
That is... really?
Yes, Uncle spoke today.
I called you to go to the nursing home together.
Anyway...
Even if I went by myself, I would like to ask you to go together first.
I went to the nursing home before.
I found out something very important.
What's that... 
That my unc...
You...
Woon Seok.
Hel... 
Hello...
Hello!
What happened?
Your call can't connect. 
Director, I'll go take a look.
Choi Seok Bong.
What do you mean?
If I told Choi Seok Bong about the nursing home, then Bu Hoo Group would miss the opportunity to take over Oh Sung?
What I meant is that your father has his reason to stop you from doing so.
So Tae Hee you should stop worrying about Choi Seok Bong looking for his father.
Not that... after all, I did owe Choi Seok Bong some favors.
Yes.
Even if you owe him some favors, from now on, I'll take care of it.
I can't tolerate my woman worrying about another man.
My woman?
!
I got it.
I won't tell him.
Absolute won't!
No matter how urge it might be, I won't.
Good, Let's go.
I already made a reservation at restaurant, let's have dinner.
Choi Seok Bong.
[Sending message]
Choi Seok Bong, why are you here?
I'm here to see Bu Tae Hee.
Yes.
What it is about? 
Would you mind telling me?
No, I'll talk directly to Bu Tae Hee.
No, tell me.
Just now, what did you want to say in the phone?
You said you found something important.
Oh, that...
Nothing at all.
I was bored so I called you.
Are you joking?
So...
About that person who spoke also...
No, that is real.
However, Uncle stops talking when I got there.
Maybe he speaks like a grasshopper, and they chased me out before I can say anything.
Are you joking right now?
!
Seok Bong, I will apology to you for her.
No matter how immature she is, she shouldn't make such a joke.
Let's go.
So... 
Bu Tae Hee didn't say anything?
She was joking because she was bored.
A joke?
When will Bu Tae Hee grow up?
But...
Is your relation with Tae Hee the kind when you guys can joke around?
What?
I'm asking are you and Tae Hee close enough to be joking around?
No, to me, Director is the one who I can make joke with.
If you understand Bu Tae Hee then you'll pity her too.
Why she lives like that.
That kind of life must be tiresome.
I am tired too.
Something bothering you?
Seems like...
I can't tell you yet...
If it has to do with Choi Seok Bong.
I am more curious now you put it like that.
I said that I can't tell you yet.
Anyway...
Regardless what that is, we would maintain this relationship, being able to joke, right?
We will.
Don't worry.
No matter what that is, we'll be able make jokes to each other.
Since we are on this topic, let's play a joke.
Forget it.
I have work to do today.
Looks like you like me quite a lot.
Ahh... 
It feels good!
Where is my father?
He's sleeping in his room after taking calming medicine.
What's wrong?
His doctor was here and said his blood pressure remains too high and he has slightly abnormal heart rhythms.
The calming medicine is to relieve his condition.
Miss.
He's asleep so you probably shouldn't go there right now.
Our Imperial card went on market now.
Smart card is going to suffer heavy damage.
As you all know, the plan for a premium card has been cancelled due to Bu Hoo's Imperial card.
All we have left is the Win-Win card.
I hope everyone would give it all in promoting the Win-Win card for taking back the credit card market taken by Bu Hoo Group and for our future.
I heard your blood pressure remains too high.
That... is probably caused by too many late nights recently.
You want me not get close to Choi Seok Bong.
Does it have anything to do with Choi Seok Bong's father?
This matter again?
I already told you not have personal feelings for Choi Seok Bong.
Father...
Fine.
If you really want to know about this so much, let's make a promise here and now.
At work, don't care about Choi Seok Bong anymore, and get married through a match maker.
I?
ll tell you... if you agree to these.
Father.
[Introduction of Win-Win card]
Presentation here needs to be really good.
And match with our Win-Win card.
This is curled up, how did this happen?
You need to help too.
I will help.
Win-Win card, this is Win-Win card.
Hi, everyone. 
This is the new Win-Win card from our Smart card company.
Win-Win card, this is Win-Win card.
How are you? 
This is the new Win-Win card from our Smart card company.
Starting from tutorial classes, not just for traditional medicine hospital...
Goodbye.
Please help me with this.
This... you can help me apply for this, right?
Give me...
This is the Bu Hoo Imperial card recently introduced by Bu Hoo Group.
It provided the same services as our premium card.
This card is an upgrade from super luxury, a VVIP card.
It targets not only current customers but also attracts new customers.
Its sales are increasing.
Now, we will introduce our Win-Win card.
Currently, we don't have great result yet, the college student customers will slowly increase in the future.
Slowly increase?
Right now, would you dare to even mention slowly increase?
Because the Win-Win card is targeted at college student waiting for employment, so it would need long term observation to judge its results...
You really have some nerves to say this.
What do you mean long term observation?
We have watched it for so long and it has not achieved much.
You said we are going to surpass Bu Hoo and send people over to that way.
Open your eye, they took over our customers, didn't they?
There is no need to bring up the past.
Director Lee should not worry about the unnecessary matters either.
I hope you will put all your efforts in developing new products.
I understand.
Okay, next topic.
The top priority for us right now is a brand new business plan.
Everyone, prepare more than two proposals each.
Director, this is the information you asked for.
You worked hard.
Oh, Please make copies of this too.
Yes... 
I'll bring it over to you after the meeting.
Looks like you are announcing some important information, I'm afraid I'd miss those.
You don't need to hear it.
I have excluded you from this round of planning.
Why?
Did you forget?
The person in charge should take full responsibility of the result.
Haven't I told you the result of the Win-Win card?
It proved that you, Choi Seok Bong, do not have the ability to develop a product yet.
In the near term...
So... what do you want me to do?
Just now,
I asked you to copy that, didn't I?
What are you doing? 
Are you going to make copies or not?
I'm going.
I'm going now.
Let's continue the meeting.
What are you thinking?
Could it be about me?
You scared me.
Why would we meet?
Lunch break is almost over, say it quickly.
A drink for you.
Your acting was very good.
"It proved you, Choi Seok Bong, do not have the ability to develop a product yet".
"So in the near term, you should just do the copying".
Don't overdo it.
I know you did it in purpose in front of everyone.
You acted so real in there that I was surprised.
I wasn't acting, it was real.
Don't joke around.
I'm not joking.
You failed because of your oversized ambition.
So you really want me to do copying?
I think so.
And for someone who got in through the back door, you failed miserably.
You asked me what I was thinking.
In fact, I'm regretting pushing Choi Seok Bong's special proposal back then.
Choi Seok Bong!
And for someone who got in through the back door, you failed miserably.
In fact, I'm regretting pushing Choi Seok Bong's special proposal back then.
So have you decided to move or not?
I'm still looking.
Probably some place near the company.
The rental near company would be expensive, isn't it?
It's not that much more after you added the transportation cost.
You're right, we can't overlook the transportation cost.
It costs quit a bit too.
[Let's use public transportation.
Let's all breathe some fresh air]
Saving the environment or whatever?
This isn't just once or twice.
If they really meant it then they should give us some discount.
[Echo card proposal]
You are okay, right?
No, I'm not.
Director is way too harsh.
She is so cold for a single failure?
So Jung, you also think it was a failure?
The Win-Win card.
No, I didn't mean that.
Yes.
Manager Min.
You're getting off the work now?
How about some beer with me?
I don't drink any alcohol.
Then... 
Milk?
How about milk? 
Cool milk.
Bread... 
Do you like it?
Bread?
If it's bread, I would jump out for it from deep sleep.
Me?
I don't think much of bread.
Of course.
Our So Jung really likes bread, otherwise her nickname wouldn't be "bread face".
"Bread face"?
I don't like floured type of food.
Then change it from today.
Come, come let's go.
Bread face, Bread face, Bread face.
In the other words, make a deal with transportation department and introduce a card that provides discounts on transportation expenses.
It's called Echo card.
Not only would it protect the environment but it'll also encourage everyone to use public transportation.
You said you didn't like it, didn't you?
Yes, I didn't like it until a moment ago.
But today's bread tastes good.
Manager Min...
Choi Seok Bong.
Do you think I came here to listen to you?
No.
I know you want to buy bread for So Jung, but I want to try letting you listen to it.
It's useless to hear it anyway.
I won't use Choi Seok Bong's idea to present the proposal.
Why? 
Why?
As long as it benefits the company, who cares whose idea it is?
That's right. 
This is it.
I can't stop talking when I eat bread*.
*note: she's playing with words sounds similar.
- Manager Min.
- Manager Min.
You're a natural beauty, why would you need to do these?
But recently, Secretary Yoon's skin looks better than mine.
Really?
But I only changed one of my beauty products.
I'm not doing this.
- What is it?
- Bring me yours.
You always carry it with you, are you?
How did you know that?
That was a present for me.
Miss, Miss, Miss.
What are you going to do with this card?
That...
Are you really going to delivery it?
What?
W-w-why would I?
No.
This is strange.
By Miss's personality, this would have been thrown away long ago.
And you've kept it till now.
Unless...
You cared so much about that child called Na Young?
I was going to throw it away.
Watch this closely.
I threw it away.
Prepare the exercise equipment.
But Miss...
Do I really have to do this?
That's why Secretary Yoon has a belly.
What is this?
Hey, What are you doing?
Dad, we are exercising.
Are you ready?
Dad, come join us.
How can you live long with your big belly?
You exercise by yourself.
Me too.
Repeat.
Shout it out.
Feels great, feels great, really good.
I made wishes but I still don't have a mother.
Please give this to my father when you go back to Seoul.
He said he will be back in 10 days to get me.
He never returned after he went to Seoul.
You called me out like you have something extremely urgent.
Where are we going?
Please shut your mouth and drive.
I will pay you well for driving.
Where is Secretary Yoon?
Why it has to be me?
It's because I don't want them to know, why do you have so many questions?
It's all because of this, my head hurts.
But I can't throw it away and I really want to burn it.
Right...
You must not let Woon Seok know that we met today.
I said...
You go ahead and deliver it, I'll wait in the car first.
How can you do that?
I'm this way.
Then...
Let's throw this away.
Let's go. 
Hurry.
Damn stairways.
This is the address.
Anyone home?
Is anyone home?
Water... 
Give me some water.
Who are you?
Would you be... 
Mr. Song Jae Gi?
Are you Song Jae Gi?
Where are you going?
Listen to me.
You have misunderstood us.
Shut up, Director Kang sends you, right?
- Don't move a step.
- It hurts!
I'll break her arm if you come after me.
I got it.
I got it. 
Please calm down.
Please calm down.
Oh, Director Kang.
Let me go, let me go.
Let me go.
Please calm down.
Na Young asked us to come here.
Na Young...
My arm... it hurts...
My arm... it hurts...
More gently!
Are doing your job?
Is he a doctor or he works for a funeral place?
Miss, my ears hurt more than your arm.
Please excuse us, if she yell again, please just seal her mouth with the plaster.
I'm really sorry.
It's okay.
How is your foot?
Ah, yes... 
I'm okay.
But this lady's arm was hurt.
What should I do now?
So... 
What do you want to do then?
I'll have my engagement soon.
How can I wear my engagement dress like this?
I'm terribly sorry for this.
Debt collectors come to my place very often.
I signed an organ donation contract* too.
*Contract that use body organs to pay back debts
So I thought I'm being dragged away.
This body is all I have left.
How am I going to take care of Na Young if I lose this body.
Oh, I almost forgot.
Na Young asked us to give this to you.
Daddy, I'm Na Young.
You told me that you'll be back in ten days but you aren't here yet...
You didn't give up on me, did you?
I'll be a good girl, please hurry back.
I drew this picture because I'm afraid you would forget my face.
Don't forget about me.
Why do you keep standing there, we handed it over so let's go.
What are you thinking about?
Are you thinking of Na Young?
Why would I think of that girl?
Just starring blankly, I'm way too tired.
[Director Lee Shin Mi]
Not answering it?
No.
You worked hard today, Rude Seok Bong.
Wow, Miss Bu Tae Hee also know how to say this?
Looks like the sea weed soup really worked.
Give me your arm.
What are you doing?
I'm praising you.
Today, I went with you because you did good things.
[You did very well]
Don't count on next time.
[Rude Seok Bong]
How are you?
My name is Choi Seok Bong.
I met you last time.
Are you alright? 
Should I leave?
I'll go get someone.
No, No.
So... why did you go to a dangerous place like that?
Looks like we need to push back the engagement until you remove the cast.
Looks like it.
Really troublesome.
That disgusting guy...
Here, open your mouth.
What happen if someone sees this?
Like a baby.
You didn't go with Secretary Yoon?
Huh?
Ah...
Secretary Yoon went out at that time.
No one else to drive for me so I call Rude Seok Bong.
So that's how it is.
Extend your arm.
What?
Looks like our Tae Hee has bad memory.
She already forgot I said not to have anything to do with Choi Seok Bong.
Eat.
Mr. Lee Jeong Tae suffered severe trauma before.
He suffers memory lost and speech disorder.
On top of that, his heart and other organs' condition are not too good.
So don't do anything that would excite him.
I'm sorry.
I came to see you out of my own desire.
I wish you would recover soon and care for me more.
And tell me something about my father.
Miss.
You need something?
Where is my father?
He's already resting.
If he continue like this, his condition would get worse.
You have something to tell President?
No, you should take rest too.
I won't sleep until President's health gets better.
Dirty guy.
Please wait.
Good morning.
How good could it be?
Wait! 
Wait!
Director.
Good morning.
Yes...
This morning could be good.
What were you doing?
Me? 
Making copies.
I'm asking about the elevator.
Oh, that...
I miss-pressed the "door close" when I was going to press "door open".
Mistake?
I'll go copy then, I'm logging off first.
What is this? 
What does it mean?
Han So Jung. 
Wait a minute.
This, what does it mean?
I'm in bad mood, or something like that.
Bad mood?
You're leaving?
Yes.
Wait, I'm leaving soon too.
I'll buy your dinner.
Did I do something good that you'd buy me dinner?
Please have a nice dinner with an employee selected through proper channel.
This regrettable useless special employee would leave first.
You're in bad mood just for this?
How could a man have such a narrow mind?
Why mention "man"?
Is there any rule saying a man can't have a bad mood?
Wait and see, I'll let you see the true extreme condition of being in a bad mood.
Really...
Manager Min.
I don't have time for milk.
I know it'd be like this so I'm prepared.
Drink milk with on your way out, how is it?
Team Leader Yoo.
This is good. 
Good, good.
Really good.
You two have some too.
Here.
What? 
You are not a kid anymore.
Why are you not drinking it?
I can't drink yet.
What do you mean?
Let me drink by myself? 
So boring.
So you drink for some meaning?
Besides, Team Leader Yoo is the one who wants to drink.
So drink as much as you want.
Don't be a burden to others.
What? 
Burden?
Watch your head.
Burden?
This guy, really...
He's so great because he graduated from a famous university?
Who would drink just because he wants to?
I can't do it if I'm fully awake.
Second drawer, finger nail cutter.
Is it progressing well?
You better mind your own business, all talks, no action.
How is your stomach?
It'd be great if you could give me a glass of honey water.
And, do you have a finger nail cutter?
My finger nails are like this... like an old witch.
Finger nail cutter?
It's in the second drawer of the desk.
Desk... 
Okay, I got it.
What?
This...
What? 
Not there?
Choi Seok Bong! 
You...
Why would this be here?
Choi Seok Bong, it's no use to deny it till the end.
Such direct evident is right here.
Like I told you already, it wasn't me.
If it wasn't you, why would this be in your desk's drawer?
It won't help you to deny everything till the end.
Even so, he can't admit to something he didn't do.
- Director.
- Have you eaten yet?
No? 
You should feed him even if he is under investigation.
I say, this ahjumma.
Ahjumma?
!
So in your eyes, I look like an ahjumma!
No wonder, such poor judgment that you would treat this man as a thief.
What did you say?
Stop the nonsense, feed him first.
What are you doing?
Order one rice sausage soup quick.
And ask for more radish kimchi.
Is Hyung really a thief?
Father misjudged him then.
Like this, you dare to call yourself a son of mine?
Why? 
They had evidence.
When I opened that drawer the day before yesterday, there wasn't that thing.
Then...
Whose is this?
What do you mean?
Empty Bong is currently held at the police station for stealing?
Yes, I talked with Dael Soo over the phone.
Impossible, it's impossible!
When I asked him to do that, he said he would rather die.
Although Rude Seok Bong is a bit greedy, but he'd never steal like my father did.
Is Dael Soo lying?
No, Dael Soo isn't that kind of person.
However, about the police station.
It reminds me of the rice sausage soup.
You know, that...
Come out.
How could I have dropped the phone there?
I heard the responses were pretty good for the Imperial card from the merged companies.
I can tell what you driving at, you want to say it's all from the hard work of your son Woon Seok.
He is not just my son, he is going to be your son soon too.
My son?
Isn't son-in-law like a son?
You were treated like a son after you became their son-in-law, and became the president of Bu Hoo Group now.
Looks like you are really lucky.
Who would have thought that Jeong Tae would become like this?
Although I feel bad towards Jeong Tae for saying this.
Back to the topic...
Any progress on your investigation of that matter?
Not yet, please wait a little bit longer.
Here.
Have a big bite.
Wait!
Eat this instead.
This is brand name tofu, it costs several times more than that one.
Correct?
Yes.
Hurry up.
Don't eat that.
You are not a thief, why do you eat this?
Looks like very tasty, have it yourself.
Last time, you were busy showing off in front of the reporters and probably forgot to eat one.
Let's go.
Hey!
She...
Miss.
If my arm wasn't like this, you would...
Lee Shin Mi, wait and see...
Miss, why would you care?
Why would you go to see Rude Seok Bong?
It's because last time when I was released from police station, Rude Seok Bong...
Anyway, anyway...
What should we do if Manager Choo finds out?
You must not mention anything.
Miss better not mention it.
That's right, it almost killed me when they didn't want to tell Choi Seok Bong.
It smells good, it tastes good too.
From now on, use it instead of cake.
It has much less calories too.
Looks like Lee Shin Mi really likes Choi Seok Bong.
Yes, she totally likes him, totally.
There is no soy sauce?
It's a little bit light like this.
I already told you that I don't know.
I don't know who asked, I did it for the high pay.
You really don't know who he is?
Does it make any sense that you didn't know?
Excuse me, let me do the investigation, okay?
The instruction was called in from a public phone, and money left at a public place.
Looks like someone hard to find.
Paying so much money for such a small task.
Think carefully.
Is there any rich man among those you know who would plan such a dirty trick on Choi Seok Bong?
Shin Mi, what brings you here?
I have something to tell you.
Come in.
No, I'll tell you right here.
Stop it right now.
Dirty tricks end here.
As I told you before, people I hate the most are the ones who trap others.
I don't understand what you are saying.
So this is what Sunbae is capable of?
Say it clearly.
You should know it quite clearly.
Today is just a warning but I will not forgive you next time.
How did it become this way?
I... 
I'm really sorry.
Do it better.
Today is just a warning but I will not forgive you next time.
What brings you here?
You said your father left this necklace.
I know the secret of this necklace.
What did you just say?
I said I know who your father is.
So I would like to tell you.
I really wanted to help you find your father when you looked completely lost the time you lost the necklace.
Now I can help you.
So I came here to see you.
Come in.
What is it?
I have something to tell you.
Tell me then.
Father said that if I stop caring about Choi Seok Bong, you would tell me about his father...
You stated this condition... knowing that I like him and that I'm very interested in finding his father.
This is not like you, it's very dirty.
You say I'm dirty?
Yes.
Now that I've finally been able to know you better...
Please don't disappoint me.
Disappoint?
So you mean you won't give up Choi Seok Bong, will you?
What makes you ask such a dirty condition against Choi Seok Bong?
Then why did you let Choi Seok Bong into Oh Sung through the back door?
- Do you have a reason that I can accept?
- I can't help it even if you say I'm dirty.
Give up Choi Seok Bong first if you want to know.
However, I have one condition.
Work for me.
Then I will tell you right away who your father is.
Tell me.
I would like to tell you too.
So it's your choice.
You have to reject Shin Mi even if she shows you her caring.
Must I do this?
Please.
I always felt you weren't a stranger.
Why did I not felt like stranger?
Useless guy, I told you to make him one of yours, not messing things up.
What do want from this useless son then?
You made me so.
Piece of trash.
Do it my way from now on.
Let me cling like this for a while.
It's all because of you.
Lee Shin Mi or Lee Seong Mi of Oh Sung.
It's for that woman.
You dare to come here?
It's all because of how your treated me that I did those to president.
This guy!
My father seems to know a lot about President's past.
So please take care of yourself.

I'm sorry.
I didn't visit you often.
I have always wondered why you are always drawing that figure.
Do you really... have a son?
You...
How come...
Get out, get out...
This...
Don't get excited!
Don't get too excited!
Uncle! 
Uncle!
Uncle!
Uncle!
Call the doctor, hurry!
Episode 11
Would you tell me what this is all about?
I stake my life as a proof.
My father really gave me this necklace.
I'll be immediately struck by lighting if I am lying.
Yeah, right!
I have seen many like you before.
Fine,
I'll tell you.
This necklace and the earrings belonged to that man.
He is my brother-in-law and my friend.
So, that means Daddy stole uncle's stuff and gave them to Mommy?
I had no other choice at that time.
Your mother thought I prepared a gift for her.
So I needed to give her something even if I had to steal it.
Does it make any sense?
You know your mother's temper better than anyone.
If I had not done that, we would have been divorced for sure.
And I would be dead then.
Oppa!
When would you stop drawing that?
Get well soon.
Tae Hee's mother...
If he were to recover just because you're telling him to, he would've recovered already.
Stop talking nonsense.
Since my brother, the successor, became like this, you'd better not make other people think you're happy he's in this condition.
Darling...
What kind of a person do you think I am?
Madam, time is up.
Oppa, I'll come again.
Eat well.
Let's go.
Where to?
What did you say?
Today is our wedding anniversary.
You forgot again?
!
Really.
Would I forget such an important date?
You forget it every year, don't you?
You're a jerk.
I didn't forget it this year.
I have a present for you.
Really?
I have waited a very long time for this.
Let's go.
I got it, you go ahead, go.
I have a few private words with brother-in-law.
What words?
I got it, hurry.
What should I do now?
I'm dead meat.
What do I do?
I'm going to die.
Fine, let's say you had no other choice but to steal it.
How could you only steal the earrings?
I didn't know there were only earrings in there at the time.
I saw your uncle had it wrapped and treasured it a lot.
I'm going crazy, crazy!
So you didn't even take a look at what's inside!
Of course, I thought the necklace was inside.
Before your uncle had mental problems, he told me that inside the box were a necklace and earrings that are the only one of it's kind in this world.
He also mentioned that there was a ring too.
So uncle gave the necklace to Empty Bong's mother.
So, Empty Bong and I aren't brother and sister but cousins.
That...
We will only know that after a DNA test.
Business trip...
He has been like this ever since the accident during his overseas business trip.
You haven't slept yet?
Yes.
I went to your mother's grave today.
I was thinking of going with you but ended up going by myself.
However, you did go there.
Thank you.
Because of you, your mother won't be lonely any more.
Donkey won't be lonely too.
Yes.
It's late, go to sleep.
Donkey...
He's staying with Mother now.
Father, please stay by my side.
I won't misunderstand you anymore.
I got it,
Have a good night sleep.
He definitively would say there is a third person.
He would have planned the story with Writer Bang ahead of time.
He planned with reporter Bang Soon Jin.
I should find out the truth of whatever I have doubts on.
I can't stand it anymore.
We're here.
Why. 
Why. 
Why. 
Why. 
What doesn't he know?
That is Tae Hee, right?
What's in his head right now?
It's better to have a simple mind at a time like this.
It's not the time to say something like that.
Then what?
On the other hand, Secretary Yoon has been talking back very often recently.
What do you mean talking back?
You're talking like a senior towards a junior.
Ahgassi shouldn't talk this way towards me who is a senior to you.
See! 
Look at you.
What has happened to you recently?
Is someone backing you up?
What back up?
Shhh, quiet.
I don't know what to say to you right now.
Thank you very much for today.
It's late, please go home.
Oh!
Secretary Yoon, please drive carefully.
Yes.
Choi Seok Bong.
Director, why are you here?
I would like to confirm one thing.
The reporter for the scandal...
Are you sure that you didn't tell her any details?
You came here to confirm this?
Yes.
Are you thinking that I came here because I missed you?
I clearly remember telling you that I did not disclose anything.
You really do not believe me at all.
Make me believe...
So, let's confirm it in front of reporter Bang Soon Jin.
Fine, suit yourself.
You dare yell at me; so you did it, right?
For your health, this should be enough.
It should be fine with just a glass of beer, right?
Bong!
Kang Woo!
Today, I...
I don't want to say anything.
Ok, Bong.
What does team leader Kang think about father's idea?
I think it's not a bad idea.
It's a backup plan in case Frontier remains under pressure while manager can't grip a hold of Bu Hoo or Oh Sung.
Precious metal?
Manager, in fact...
Although I am not 100% sure yet...
Based on what I have, Kim Kang is questioning our Frontier's ability.
I heard they might secretly do an internal investigation.
What did you say?
How could you tell me something like this only now?
I'm sorry.
So, we need to join forces with Oh Sung as soon as possible... or Bu Hoo would be fine too.
For the company's sake, manager needs to make a decision on which one to choose.
I think that is the right move and the President also wants that.
Please come in.
Okay.
You have come.
I was planning to see you after I received such an expensive painting.
I'm thankful for your visit.
Your welcome.
I should have visited you earlier.
I'm late.
Sunbae.
How are you?
Why are you here at this late hour?
You're here too.
We haven't had tea together for quite sometime.
House keeper Kim bring some tea.
Yes.
Come, have a seat.
Yes.
Empty Bong?
Yes, have him do the DNA match test with your uncle.
Do it then.
Empty Bong would want that anyway.
But what have you done right that you're getting angry at me?
!
Dad, are we going?
Pull a hair out of that guy.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Oh, did you get hit by the brother of Dong Chi or whatever his name is?
No.
Wait a minute...
If I'm not his sister, would Empty Bong care what I ask?
Not so...
After all I am his cousin.
I'm not a complete outsider.
Isn't that right?
What?
Recently you rarely understand my words.
Where is your focus?
Are you falling for the guy who always calls you angel and looks like a bulldog?
What?
Why are my ear holes so itchy all of a sudden?
And both ears at the same time too.
Manager Choo.
Yes. 
Uncle.
It looks like you have our Shin Mi in your mind.
Father!
And Shin Mi doesn't dislike you too.
Does she?
I'm fine, go ahead.
Woon Seok senior is a good man, however...
That's why...
Manager Choo.
Why not push a little more to make the marriage work?
Women...
If they don't dislike those who stick to them, then they will eventually be persuaded by sincere feelings.
Father!
You too. 
Don't always unconditionally reject marriage.
I will be at ease only after you find your suitable significant half.
And only then can I raise my head in front of your mother.
No, what are you doing?
Aren't we getting closer... no?
So you're doing this because we are closer now?
I don't want to fight with you because of this.
After all the trouble to finally have you open your heart to me.
But, please understand father's feelings and seriously consider the marriage with manager Choo.
[No Visitors]
Hello.
It's me, Bu Tae Hee.
What are you doing? 
Give me one of your hairs, hurry.
You want a DNA test, don't you?
Okay, I'll pull it then.
Secretary Yoon.
Yes.
Bring it to my father.
Empty Bong, you need to go somewhere with me.
What?
How long has he been working that he is already taking a leave?
Perhaps he is sick.
Even if the cancer treatment was successful, he worked so hard day and night for the coffee business.
So he was exhausted.
I don't think so.
What?
A person like that would have time for laughing with Bu Tae Hee?
Mr. Choi Seok Bong is dating Bu Tae Hee?
No wonder.
I felt it was strange that he shielded Bu Tae Hee in front of the police station.
If not for a special relationship, why would he do that knowing it would be broadcasted?
Is it for love?
How could it be? 
Those two...
But Director... 
Are you jealous?
What?
Nothing. 
I know because I fell in love before.
Director's expression and way of speaking says,
"I am jealous when my man flirts with another woman. "
Han So Jung.
Do you think I am you?
How dare you say I am jealous?
Get out.
Sunbae, it's me.
[Current Precious Metal Business Report]
Excuse me for making you wait for me.
I needed to send an urgent Fax.
It's okay, you didn't go to the office?
Recently, I have been working from here most of time.
Do you want something to drink?
No, I had one already.
About those words my father said this morning...
You came here because you were bothered by those?
I thought you came here because you want to meet again.
So I was excited for nothing.
Sunbae...
May I ask a favor since you are here now?
Favor?
I hope you will grant me this wish.
Why did I follow him here?
I shouldn't have been impressed that he went to the gravesite.
Three... three million...
Shin Mi!
Would you take a look for me?
Not bad.
Yes, it fits you very well.
I'll take this one then.
Thank you.
Do you know how many zeros that Jacket cost?
With that money you can buy a big bag full of clothes at Namdaemun. 
Let's go.
(Namdaemun or South gate is a busy market place for bargain shopping)
Shin Mi.
Let's go.
What? 
Let's go.
I said, why did you take me here?
I told you to do as I say.
Lee Shin Mi!
Why are you here?
How about you? 
Why are you here?
I...
I'm going to buy clothes for our Empty Bong.
Look at him...
He is handsome but his clothes...
Am I right?
Let's leave.
Why are we leaving?
Let's dress you up nicely.
Let me pick something nice for you;
wait here then.
Gosh! 
It matches perfectly;
really matches you.
You're so cute.
I'll give this to you. 
Hurry, try it on.
Go try it on, try it.
Let's go.
Hah!
Wear your seat belt.
It looks like you're in a bad mood.
Let's go to Namdaemun.
No need, I need to go back to the office.
Pretty good.
This would work.
This and that, that one, and this...
Ring them up. 
The sizes must fit.
What are you doing now?
What else would I do?
Makeover Empty Bong with name brands.
And make Shin Mi, oh so... attracted to you.
Forget it.
It looks like you haven't woken up yet.
Forget it.
Oppa, you're home.
We were waiting for you to come back.
You turned your cell phone off.
Come over here, I saved your portion.
Yes, hurry.
To celebrate you starting work, we specially prepared a pork belly meat party.
Without the main character, how could it be a party?
It's just an excuse for us to eat.
So you are angry because you can't change your wife?
Did you hear what this man said?
Your wife should be your treasure.
You said so, right?
Me?
You said so, last time.
My father won't remember any sweet talk he made.
What?
Have some more.
I'm tired, I'll go in first.
Since you tripped on your way to go rest, eat before you leave.
Why not leave after finishing the meal?
It's a waste even though it's not beef.
It tastes really good.
Yes, Oppa, let's eat together.
Come, sit here.
Yes, sit there.
Ah... but, who are you?
Secretary Yoon!
Seok Bong!
What is this?
What else?
It's your ride from now on.
It's about the same price as a nice apartment.
You should be satisfied with this.
Here.
What are you planning to do?
I told you already, as long as your relationship with Shin Mi goes well, I'll do anything for you.
I saw it earlier...
Shin Mi has special feelings for you too.
You are going to date the daughter of Oh Sung Enterprises, so you need at least this class of car.
I'll support you all the way.
Bu Tae Hee take this and leave right away.
What?
How long are you going to fool around?
Don't disappoint me anymore.
You like Shin Mi, right?
I just want to make you stand tall in front of the one you like.
Secretary Yoon.
I didn't think you were like this before; but I'm disappointed in you.
How could you watch from the sidelines and let her come to this?
This guy, really...
Aren't you ashamed?
Not that...
I'm also...
From my point of view...
Empty Bong, You...
Do you know love?
You better leave now before the residents make a report to the police.
Why are you here at such a late hour?
Then why is brother here instead of sleeping?
Unless...
You're here for that.
I heard brother drew that one.
To me, the drawing really resembles the real person.
Right?
Yes.
However...
That person has no idea.
Why did you come at such a late hour?
I would like to confirm one thing.
Confirm?
You saw it earlier in the store.
Shin Mi wasn't too happy when she saw how close I was to Empty Bong.
Her jealousy must be churning inside.
Jealousy?
Yes.
Shin Mi that girl must have some feelings towards Empty Bong.
Woon Seok, you saw it too.
Who knows?
You saw it clearly.
Give up on Shin Mi and come back to me.
Do you know how much I wished Woon Seok would come to me?
Tae Hee.
Do you know what this is?
It's the key to a car more expensive than the one Woon Seok is driving now.
How desperate am I that I want to give it to Empty Bong to try and win him over?
No, what's the meaning of what you just said?
Here.
That... 
Choi Seok Bong...
I heard he took a leave today too.
Is he really not feeling well?
You are the one who isn't feeling well.
Why are you worrying so much about Choi Seok Bong?
Confirm it with your own eyes.
[Probability of being related: 
Negative]
[Subjects are not related. ]
Then, the necklace is...
So it must not have been Jeong Tae who gave your mother that necklace.
I don't know anything else either.
If you want to know then you need to ask Jeong Tae himself.
However that man is mentally unstable right now.
President, the president of Frontier is here.
It looks like our fates end here.
Go out first.
Yes.
You are here.
Have a seat.
He is Choi Seok Bong, right?
I believed your word and got busy for nothing.
What do you mean got busy for nothing?
We did a DNA test with Jeong Tae because of the necklace that Choi Seok Bong has.
The result stated they are not related.
So I said, why would he have a DNA matching test with Jeong Tae?
That... 
That necklace belongs to Jeong Tae.
So who else besides Jeong Tae?
About that... so you didn't know?
What?
What?
The test result is negative!
Yes.
The test result said he is not blood related to your uncle.
And the president ordered you not to get too close to Empty Bong from now on.
Why would they not be related?
Does the necklace belong to uncle?
That necklace doesn't belong to Jeong Tae.
What?
Not Jeong Tae? 
Then who?
My guess would be Chul Min took that necklace.
They made one set then they took one piece each.
If it was Chul Min, then...
Ah!
You mean that person?
I thought Choi Seok Bong already resigned.
I'm sorry, I had to take care of some personal business.
That's your personal affair.
I don't need to know.
Please follow the company policy next time.
Manager Meon...
Please pay special attention in presenting the new card project in this afternoon's meeting.
Please take extra care because the president will be attending it.
Of course.
Enjoy the world class discount in every corner of the world.
Plus priority service at domestic premium hotels.
Here we provided detailed consideration and service that isn't covered in current cards.
We decided to introduce this high class card as an enticement for the upper class group.
Um, good idea.
This... however...
Is the designated benefit in Golf a little too much?
It's probably because the President doesn't play Golf.
To us, it sounds very attractive.
Does it?
Fine, then...
Everyone please do your best for the development of the Premium Card.
It looks like the presentation isn't complete yet.
[New Card Development Proposal]
Rich Young Man's Card?
Oh, Yes.
There is one more new item.
Let's hear it.
It's unnecessary.
It's probably some mistake.
Yes, it's okay.
Our team member Choi Seok Bong will present this section.
Hello, everyone.
I'm Choi Seok Bong, the paratrooper who was newly employed.
This is an era with 3 million young men.
In other words, there are 3 million preparing to enter the work force.
This is a card specially designed for these 3 million customers.
It will be developed into a card that provides test fees, study fees, special discounts at book stores for those preparing to enter the work force.
How?
Those students have no money, and you are going to provide special service.
What are you doing?
We are not a non-profit organization.
Precisely.
They need more discounts because they don't have much money.
Although they are poor students right now, they are our potential customers once they are employed.
Regardless, this matter only concerns 880 thousand won. *
(ave. monthly wage of non-regular Korean workers in their 20's - minimum cost of living.)
Treat those poor students whom no one knows if they would be able to find any job as our customers?
It's a foolish and hopeless investment.
Although we won't see profit right away, it's an investment for the future.
Shouldn't a business invest in such a future?
"880 thousand won" could become "8.88 million won" too.
It would be better to open your mouth under the persimmon tree and wait for the persimmon to drop from the sky.
(a saying about waiting for free lunch.)
Please don't underestimate a persimmon.
If you aren't careful it could blacken your eye should it hit your face.
I think a persimmon isn't bad.
If we could develop such a product, then we could preserve those student customers who are preparing to join the work force.
And we would gain positive image for our company.
It would be a win-win plan.
In fact, my son is also preparing to join the work force.
It's his second year now.
We spend considerable money every month on the study and test preparation fees.
Who would disagree?
My daughter hasn't found a job either.
Tell me.
Answer me, your Honour!
Tell me.
- We won, we won!
Great, my darling! 
You are amazing.
Wow! 
You are like a female Sunny Deol from 'Damini'.
- There, I have proved it.
- Yes, of course!
- Okay, Himanshu, left's go!
- Let's go. 
We've won!
What do you mean, let's go? 
Enough!
Your Honour, stop them!
Easy easy...
He tried to kill Chakku Singh to usurp his property
He had a knife in one hand and near him a man bleeding to death.
What now?
Stop talking nonsense, you black and white!
Coroner, Himanshu could never usurp his wealth, even if he wanted to.
Because he said...
"After my death, my wealth is to be given to charity. 
This is my last 'dish'."
it's here in his suicide note.
Holy cow! 
He tried to commit suicide?
Yes !
Suicide!
Himanshu, show the note to the Judge.
Hey Judge look at this.
- Here, have a look.
- Give it here...
Is he giving it or not?
!
"I'm stabbing myself with this knife.
After my death give my wealth to charity.
This is my last 'dish'."
Signed Chakku Singh.
Himanshu it is wish not dish!
It says dish over here.
Do do D for burger!
It's B for burger.
But I'm talking about a cheese burger.
Well, then that would be a C. How can it be D?
What if I want a Double Cheese Burger!
If you had the suicide note, why didn't you mention it?
If we did, Himanshu and Parminder would never be separated.
Exactly!
You both deserve to be in the museum!
Mummy saree!
Later on! 
We need to reach Chandigarh before seven tomorrow morning.
Yes, hurry up!
Hold on! 
Do you know the way to Chandigarh?
I know the way. 
I went there six months ago to bring flowers for Hansa.
Go straight on the highway. 
At the main signal at Jaipur, you'll see a black dog with its tongue out
Take a left from there.
Praful, you idiot. 
You went there six months ago.
You think the black dog is still there at Jaipur's main signal with its tongue out?
What if it ran away from there?
What if it did?
The main signal will still be there.
We need to take a left at the signal, doesn't matter where the dog is.
- And he calls you an idiot!
- Let's go now.
Okay let's move it. 
Quick. 
Let's go.
Father, this car works.
Okay, fine, let's drive!
Praful, I'm dressed up.
Okay, now sit in.
Let's get there quickly.
Now 
- Parminder - will - marry 
- Himanshu - cancel- Parminder
My dear, your wedding procession has arrived.
Garland Parminder before you go to the temple.
Repeats and More news channel brings you this breaking news...
There's an unusual twist in Himanshu and Parminder's love story
Mummy, wait mum my, look at this.
Parminder and Parminder, what are you doing here?
The procession has arrived.
Look, Himanshu uncle on the TV.
Himanshu Uncle?
Himanshu has been acquitted.
Now over to Kanishka.
Himanshu has been acquitted.
Now over to Kanishka.
Chakku Singh Ahluwalia is also over here.
And he has regained consciousness...
Over to Mr. Ahluwalia.
Tell us what happened that day?
I tried to kill myself.
I survived by God's grace.
- I'll try again tomorrow.
- Oh no!
- Here are the tall trees.
Get out everyone.
Hurry up!
I'm so tired...
Praful, come fast...
Look! 
Parminder is getting married. 
Parminder!
Parminder, I'm here. 
Don't marry him.
- Parminder!
- Parminder's father...
Oh dear, wait! 
Stop! 
We made a huge mistake.
Parminder, listen to me!
Parminder!
Parminder!
Himanshu!
- Stop!
- No Parminder!
You shouldn't even look at him!
Himanshu is not guilty!
- Himanshu was proven innocent and he's come here himself, idiot!
I don't want to hear a 1:hing! 
Go away from here.
Otherwise my gun will speak!
He is a killer!
No, Chakku tried to commit suicide.
Himanshu didn't try to kill him.
Parminder don't put the garland on Parminder!
Himanshu
Parminder
Himanshu!
What are you looking for in the grass?
He fell down. 
Help him up.
Are you alright?
Parminder, don't put the garland on Parminder!
She can't put the garland anyway!
What?
My son didn't make it for the wedding.
Look there!
What's this?
There is no groom on the horse.
He didn't get leave from his office.
But you still came here with the fanfare?
If you don't go to the bride's house with this fanfare, it's a shame for the bride's family.
You have a point.
Yes, and now we saw it on the TV.
Himanshu is innocent.
Brother...
Parminder, please.
Darling, Himanshu is calling you.
No one can love you like this.
Himanshu
Please forgive me.
Everybody!
- Even if we go looking with a lamp...
We won't find a better match, for our darling daughter, than you.
- Parminder!
Himanshu
Parminder, I wanted my love story to be great.
But I forget what my grandma used to say.
She would say...
Every love story is great, where there is true love.'
Himanshu...
Will you marry me and...
Share your grandma's wisdom with me all my life?
But, my grandma is no longer alive...
Sol don't know about her wisdom.
But I want to share my life and wisdom only with you, because...
I love you, Parminder.
Same to you Himanshu!
Here brave young man!
Here my dear.
Come Himanshu, time to do it.
There, I did it.
Beautiful, Himanshu, great!
Darn you, Hansa-with-a-moustache!
What happened?
To do it doesn't mean to throw it away!
Silence!
Look at Babuji.
He's insulting me in front of these people!
Himanshu, just shoot Babuji!
With pleasure!
Female Rajkumar Hirani!
Superb! 
That was a superb story!
Do you know how to ring a bell?
We just want the girl.
We get the girl, you get a wedding!
What's wrong, doctor?
- Chicken pox.
- Is it tandoori or butler chicken?
Parminder, it's chicken tikka pox!
Jaysh ree!
Rolling...
Very good.
Going for shot!
Next!
Bye Babuji, bye...
- What's he buying?
- He is saying bye, he's going!
Parminder!
Hansa!
What do you mean, hmm?
In such a situation... sorry!
Sorry!
Of course, it's C.
- C for sandwich.
- it's S for sandwich.
I meant cheese sandwich.
Holy cow!
- I'm Wilson.
- I'm Babuji's son!
Nobody will ever know.
Last month his wife, Chanda, passed away.
Passed what?
Did she pass a test or did she pass through something?
You made me cry!

What a looker.
What's the point of being a fox if the world can't see how foxy I am?
What do they have that I don't have?
What if Kristen Stewart has gorgeous hair?
Scarlett Johansson has beautiful eyes?
Or Angelina Jolie has luscious lips?
Actually, that is a big list.
But you know what's even bigger?
My desire to be as fantastic as them.
So look out, Hollywood.
Tonight, Megan steals her way to stardom.
Ugh. 
Looking too happy again.
Better work on that frown some more.
What? 
A fox.
Aw, thanks. 
I think so too.
Now I really have a reason to frown.
Nope. 
Still not enough.
I must be seeing things.
Not for long.
What the cuss? 
You're crazy.
Yeah. 
Crazy like a actress.
Good night, my babies.
Pucker up.
Finally, I can show the world the real me.
The fantastic Megan Fox.
"Big Hollywood movie"?
You couldn't script this.
Did we get her? 
Thanks.
Give us our looks or we'll have to take character roles.
- Yeah.
- Mm!
Stop her!
Not her. 
Her.
What do you mean someone stole their looks? 
What do I care?
I can't tell these girls apart anyway.
Just send over the current hottie.
Wow, that was fast.
- Are you from Fox?
- I sure am.
Then let's roll.
We're gonna make you a star, baby.
What a beauty.
Just stay on the close-up, will you?
Because she's got the weirdest thumbs.
I'm the backpack, the backpack, the backpack.
I don't feel so well.
Hey, hey, hey. 
What are you doing?
I'm the backpack, the backpack, the backpack.
And now, it's time for Who Wore it Better?
Ashley Tisdale wore this chiffon sundress at the KCAs.
Did Miley Cyrus wear it better at VMAs?
How about Demi Lovato at the PTA?
Selena Gomez wore it at a KFC, as did George Clooney Miranda Cosgrove, SpongeBob SquarePants Kings of Leon, Marmaduke, the Los Angeles Lakers Ashley Tisdale...
- You said her already.
Victoria Justice, Bryce Dallas Howard, this Styrofoam cup LeBron James, a dragon, Drew Barrymore, ice or Rihanna?
And the answer is...
What were the choices again?
Yeah. 
Ashley Tisdale, Miley Cyrus Demi Lovato...
- This has been Who Wore it Better?
Your slipper.
Wondering who'd make a slipper out of glass?
Come down to the Shoe Garden.
We're not afraid to make shoes just because they're ill-conceived.
A comfy slipper? 
Some would say satin.
We make them out of rubies.
Ow! 
They're so sharp.
Feet too big for normal shoes?
We'll make you a pair out of lettuce.
There's no material we won't turn into a shoe.
We made this one out of stucco.
So come on down to the Shoe Garden.
Because stupid shoes don't grow on stupid trees.
Unless you're at the Shoe Garden.
And that's the constellation Orion.
See his sword?
And those stars are his belt.
That's his belt?
Yeah. 
He's got a waistline of 36, heh-heh, light-years.
What a fatty.
Superheroes. 
They're just like us.
They have to wait in boring lines.
See you in about an hour, Flash.
They have to go through detectors.
- Empty your pockets, please.
- I don't have pockets.
- They have to walk their dogs.
- You've smelled the same thing 50 times.
Don't you have super-smell?
- They get sunburns.
- Uh-oh.
They get their eyes checked.
Remove your glasses and read the bottom line, please.
F. No, E.
And they have to obey the rules like everyone else.
Shazam!
Heh-heh-heh. 
Rules.
Dear diary, a new boy came to town today.
And he's exactly my type.
- Tall, dark, and out of my league.
- Play ball.
- Kiss me.
- I can't.
Why? 
Because you play by the rules?
No. 
Because my mask gets in the way.
Strike.
You've come to do us harm.
You're way off base.
I'll show you who's off base.
Is that necessary?
- This fall...
- Just make me safe.
I'll do my best.
...when fear strikes, love turns foul.
No, wait, wait, wait.
When you see a bat, make a run for home.
Oh, no, no. 
Forget that.
Uh, when you give the sign, it's time to play.
Wow, these are awful. 
No, no, no.
Hang on now.
The Umpire Diaries.
You're only in when you're out.
Yes? 
Right? 
No?
We'll get this if it takes all night.
I don't care.
So I said, "If you're the farmer, then who's this guy?"
I hope that came out of your nose.
I'm here all week, folks. 
Try the veal.
Not really. 
It's baby us.
Excuse me, buddy, I think your fly is down.
Yeah, I know. 
I told him he couldn't go to Europe for the summer.
Why?
Okay. 
Deep breath in.
And out.
Let me re-phrase that.
Kanye West's monthly to-do list.
Buy sunglasses that make me look cool, and watch Cats And Dogs 2 in 3-D.
Put the "ye" part of my name first, so it sounds like people are cheering me.
Write a rap that rhymes orange with something that rhymes with orange.
Replace my GPS voice with my own, so I can always hear myself talk.
Yo, Kanye. 
You looking good, dog.
Human, take me to your leader.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Hello? 
Is this the president?
This is some regular guy you've never heard of.
Yeah, I have your personal number, because everyone on Earth does.
Anyway, a crazy space alien wants to talk to you.
Lucky for him, he found the guy who can do it.
I think you're making fun of me.
You think? 
Gee, where did you come from?
The genius planet?
I regret nothing.
Do you hate going all the way to the store for your magic tricks?
Now you don't have to.
We'll bring the magic to you.
Select the trick you want, and within three to five business days hocus postage. 
It's there.
No hidden fees. 
No late charges.
Nothing up our sleeves.
Just a wave of the wand, a sleight of hand, and zim-zali-zip code you've got your trick. 
Nettricks.
You'll be doing magic faster than you can say abraca-mailbox.
Animals are alive when leaving.
Safety not guaranteed.
Rabbits may have runny stool.
If pigeons peck at your face close your mailbox.
Manuals not included.
Ask if Nettricks is right for you.
Ta-da!
Congratulations from the Tightrope Academy.
Ugh. 
Whatever happened to law school?
I'm Bear Grylls, and right now, I'm headed into the wild to show you how to survive with nothing more than your wits.
And of course, a 20-person emergency crew.
I think we're here.
If you find yourself stranded in a forest, don't panic.
I'm gonna show you how to find food in a pinch.
The forest is virtually teeming with wildlife.
One place to look for food is damp areas.
Like this rotten tree stump. 
Look.
A snail. 
Although, you probably shouldn't eat the shell.
I'm starting to get really hungry.
I've stumbled across this pile of fresh fish.
Be careful. 
These were probably caught by a wild animal that could still be in the area.
Look. 
I remember you from my childhood.
No, no, no!
Oh, no!
Fish are overrated, anyway.
If you want a real meal, try building a trap like this.
Got him. 
Uh-oh.
No, no, no!
Oh, no!
Getting weaker. 
Must eat.
Now, if you're really quiet you might be able to sneak up on some hamburgers.
- What do you think you're doing?
- This is Camp Rock.
Not Camp Steal-Our-Hamburgers.
Wait a second.
Isn't that the guy from MAD vs. Wild?
Yeah. 
He's not enrolled here.
Wait. 
I can explain.
No, I can't.
Look. 
The van. 
Come on.
Go. 
Go. 
Go.
Thank goodness. 
We're safe.
No, no, no!
They're at the top of their game at the bottom of the ninth.
Ugh. 
These are not getting any better.
You gotta play the field till the seventh-inning smooch.
Ugh. 
How long is this show?
Ugh. 
How long is this show?

THE BRONX WAS LIKE A WORLD OF ITS OWN.
IN THE EARLY '70S, MAN,
CRIME WAS LIKE MAJOR INCOME OF THE BRONX.
IN THE BRONX,
IT WAS A DEEP-ROOTED GANG CULTURE.
THERE WERE GANGS LITERALLY ON EVERY CORNER.
THE VIOLENCE WAS EVERYWHERE.
YOU COULD FEEL THE TENSION IN THE AIR.
YOU COULD SEE THE FIGHTS ACROSS THE STREET.
YOU COULD HEAR THE SHOTS IN THE NIGHTTIME.
IT WAS THAT FATEFUL DAY THAT I SENT HIM TO BRING PEACE.
THAT WAS ONE OF THE WORST DAYS IN SOUTH BRONX HISTORY.
THE WORD ON THE STREET WAS THAT HE WAS TRYING TO MAKE PEACE,
AND HE WAS MURDERED TRYING TO MAKE PEACE.
BASICALLY AFTER THAT, THE SOUTH BRONX,
FORT APACHE WAS OUT OF CONTROL.
THEY WERE RUNNING THROUGH THE STREETS.
THEY WERE BURNING EVERYTHING.
I MEAN, PANDEMONIUM HIT.
I PUT OUT A BULLETIN,
AND I STARTED CALLING ALL THE GHETTO BROTHERS.
CHARLIE WANTED TO GET THE GHETTO BROTHERS
TO MOBILIZE FOR THE BIGGEST BLOODBATH
IN THE HISTORY OF NEW YORK.
WE LOST A MEMBER.
THEY VICIOUSLY MURDERED HIM OUT THERE IN THE STREET.
NOW IT'S AN EYE FOR AN EYE.
THE BRONX WAS GONNA BE BATHED IN BLOOD.
HOW RUMORS SPREAD, HOW NEWS SPREAD.
THERE WAS NOT A GANG IN THE WHOLE OF NEW YORK
THAT WAS NOT AWARE WHAT'S HAPPENING.
AND IT WAS LIKE THE MOVIE "THE WARRIORS"
WHEN THE LADY'S ON THE RADIO TELLING EVERYBODY,
"HEY, BOPPERS, YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE THAT MOVE."
LET'S GET DOWN TO IT, BOPPERS.
WE'RE GONNA A HAVE TO DO BETTER OUT THERE.
EVERYBODY WAS TENSE BECAUSE NOBODY KNEW
WHEN IT WAS GONNA JUMP OFF.
REMEMBER THAT SCENE FROM "THE WARRIORS"--
"CAN YOU DIG IT"?
THAT REALLY WENT DOWN.
THAT REALLY HAPPENED.
CAN YOU DIG IT?
!
CAN YOU DIG IT?
!
WE MOVED UP TO THE SOUTH BRONX IN 1963
FROM GREENWICH VILLAGE TO THE SOUTH BRONX.
IT WAS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORLD.
THE BUILDINGS WERE BEAUTIFUL, VERY SPACIOUS.
THE BLOCKS WERE WIDE.
THERE WERE STILL JEWS LIVING THERE AT THE TIME,
POCKETS OF ITALIANS AND IRISH STILL LIVED IN THE COMMUNITY.
THE SOUTH BRONX AT THE TIME WAS FANTASTIC.
IT WAS JUST A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORLD.
IT WAS A WORLD OF DISCOVERY.
IN THOSE DAYS, I DIDN'T LIKE THE IDEA OF JOINING A GANG.
I STARTED MY OWN THING.
WHEN I STARTED THE GHETTO BROTHERS,
ORIGINALLY IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE A GANG.
IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE AN ORGANIZATION.
IT WAS A BROTHER THING.
IT WAS BASICALLY MY BROTHERS AND I.
WE LIVED IN MANHATTAN, WE MOVED TO THE BRONX,
AND THOSE DAYS, IT WAS THE GHETTO.
SO WE WERE GHETTO BROTHERS.
WHO WERE GHETTO BROTHERS?
ROBIN, BENJY, VICTOR, THOSE WERE THE GHETTO BROTHERS,
MY BROTHERS, OKAY?
THEN LATER ON, SINCE I KNEW A LOT OF THE KIDS
IN THE COMMUNITY, I WAS VERY FRIENDLY,
I WAS AMICABLE, EVERYBODY GOT ALONG WITH ME,
SO I SAID, YOU KNOW, LET'S EXPAND THIS.
I MET CHARLIE AT 150TH ST.
AND TRINITY AVENUE.
I WAS WITH MY FRIEND RAYMOND.
HE WAS LIKE A BROTHER.
WE GREW UP TOGETHER, AND WE SAW THIS GUY
TAKING A WOOD THING AND GOING-
- BAH!
AND BREAKING IT.
I SAID WOW.
I FOUND THAT AMAZING BECAUSE I WAS INTO THE MARTIAL ARTS.
AND I SAID, "THAT IS FANTASTIC I WANNA MAKE FRIENDS WITH HIM."
THAT WAS ME.
"I WANT TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH THIS GUY."
I WALK UP T HIM, AND I SAID, "HI, MY NAME IS BENJY."
IT'S 1960-SOMETHING.
I ONLY KNOW THEY ROB, THEY STEAL.
NOBODY'S GONNA ROB ME.
SO I PREPARE.
I'M READY TO TAKE THIS GUY ON.
"I JUST WANT TO SHAKE YOUR HAND."
THAT'S CHARLIE.
I SAID, OKAY,
THE MOMENT HE MOVES, HIS ASS IS MINE.
BUT HE'S STANDING THERE WITH HIS HAND OUT,
AND HE STARTS TELLING ME ABOUT THERE'S A FEW GUYS
THAT STUDY MARTIAL ARTS THAT HE'S BEEN WATCHING,
AND HE CAN IMAGINE THAT I'M A PRETTY GOOD MARTIAL ARTIST.
AND WE SAT DOWN, HE SAID WHAT'S YOUR STYLE?"
I SAYS, "I'M GOJU.
TALK TO ME."
AND WE JUST TALKED AND TALKED AND TALKED.
I STICK OUT MY HAND, I PUT MY HAND IN HIS,
AND THE GHETTO BROTHERS ARE ONE.
THE' 60S WEREA TIMEOF WORLDWIDE
SOCIAL ANDCULTURALRECKONING.
WITH MOVEMENTS DEMANDING CHANGE SPREADINGACROSS
THECOLLEGECAMPUSES ANDTHEFRONTLINES
OFAMERICA'SGHETTOS, ITTRULYFELT
LIKE THE SEEDS FOR A FULL-BLOWN REVOLUTIONWEREBEINGSOWN.
SO WE THOUGHT THIS REVOLUTION WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
WE KNEW THAT THIS WAS THE END OF THE WORLD ORDER.
WE THOUGHT REVOLUTION WAS POSSIBLE.
FOR THE FIRST TIME, WE HAD A MULTICULTURAL MOVEMENT.
FOR ME, IT RECONFIRMED IN A STRANGE WAY
MY FAITH IN AMERICA.
BUTASTHE'60S CAMETOACLOSE,
THEVIETNAMWARAND RACISM
CONTINUETOERODE AMERICA'SSOUL
ANDFADEALLOPTIMISM.
ASYSTEMATICBACKLASH AGAINSTORGANIZATIONS
LIKETHEBLACKPANTHERS COUPLED WITH THE ASSASSINATIONS
OFNEARLYEVERYICONICFIGURE OFHOPE
LEFTA NEWGENERATION WITHNOTHINGMORE
THANUNFOCUSEDRAGE.
THEY KILLED THE KING.
AND THEN THEY KILLED KENNEDY.
MY HEROES DIED IN THE '60S.
THE HOPE IS DEFLATED.
I WAS SO MAD AT AMERICA.
I WAS PISSED.
HEARD OF THE TROUBLED '60S?
WELL, THE TROUBLED '60S GIVE RISE TO THE VIOLENT '70S.
"I HAVE A DREAM."
NO, YOU DON'T.
"MY PEOPLE!
WE WILL OVERCOME!"
BOOM, NO, YOU'RE NOT GONNA OVERCOME.
YOU AIN'T GETTING NOBODY OUT OF THIS FUCKING GHETTO.
REMEMBER THE '60S?
HEY!
PEACE!
NOW IT WAS PEACE.
AMERICA'SUNRESTWASREFLECTED LOCALLYASNEWYORKCITY 
STRUGGLEDUNDERTHEWEIGHT OFITSOWNMOUNTINGCRISES.
AFAILEDVISION OFURBANRENEWALPUSHEDALL
BUTTHECITY'SWEALTHIEST TOTHEBRINK
ANDA NEWPESSIMISM ANDDESPERATION
MADEITSHOMEINITSSTREETS.
HERE WAS THIS GREAT CITY, THE INTERNATIONAL CAPITAL
OF COMMERCE AND CULTURE AND COMMUNICATIONS AND FINANCE,
AND IT WAS ON ITS KNEES ASKING, BEGGING FOR HELP.
THE CITY WAS ON THE EDGE OF BANKRUPTCY.
ALL THROUGH THE '70S REMEMBER, INDUSTRIES WERE DEPARTING.
JOBS WERE DISAPPEARING.
IF THERE WAS A SAFETY NET BEFORE,
THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WAS BASICALLY NOT JUST CEASING
TO PROTECT IT BUT CUTTING HOLES IN IT.
DESPITETHECITY'S FINANCIALTROUBLES,IN 1970,
NEWYORK'SCULTURALSCENE WASASVIBRANTASEVER ,
CONSTRUCTION OFTHEWORLDTRADECENTER
WOULDSOONBE COMPLETE, ANDTHENEWYORKKNICKS
WOULDWINTHEIRFIRST CHAMPIONSHIP.
HOWEVER, ONLYFOURMILESAWAY,
DUETORECKLESS URBANPLANNING,
THEDISTRICT OFTHESOUTHBRONX
WASRAPIDLYBECOMINGASYMBOL
OFURBANDECAY AROUNDTHEWORLD.
WHEN WE WERE YOUNG, WE REMEMBER ROBERT MOSES.
I REMEMBER THE TEACHER TALKED ABOUT A GUY
WHO WAS FIXING UP THE AREA.
THEY WERE SAYING THEY WERE RENOVATING THE AREA.
BUILDINGS ARE BEING TAKEN OUT OF COMMISSION.
HEY, GOTTA GO.
WE'RE GONNA BUILD THIS HIGHWAY OVER HERE.
THE CROSS BRONX EXPRESSWAY AT ONE TIME,
THAT WHOLE AREA WAS NOTHING BUT HOUSES, BEAUTIFUL HOUSES.
HE TAKES A WONDERFUL BOROUGH
THAT'S MADE UP OF PLOYGLOT-- I MEAN, EVERYBODY WAS THERE,
RALPH LAUREN COMES FROM THERE-- AND HE CUTS ACROSS,
HE CUTS A HUGE SWATH,
LITERALLY DESTROYING THE NEIGHBORHOODS.
THIS IS AMAZING.
I MEAN, IT'S AMAZINGLY CREATIVE
EVEN THOUGH IT WAS ALSO HUMANLY DESTRUCTIVE
THAT HE THOUGHT THE SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO POINTS
IS A LINE EVEN IF THERE ARE HOUSES
AND PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, IN THE WAY OF THE LINE.
AND THAT'S WHEN THINGS STARTED TO GO DOWN.
THE ECONOMY, THE STORE OWNERS, EVERYBODY JUST TOOK OFF.
YOU SEE A QUIET WHITE FLIGHT
WHERE EVERYBODY WAS MIGRATING, YOU KNOW,
FROM THE CONCOURSE UP TO, YOU KNOW, NYACK, WHITE PLAINS.
"COME ON UP, POPS, COME ON UP.
YOU CAN'T STAY DOWN HERE NO MORE," YOU KNOW?
THE RICH MOVE OUT TO THEIR SECOND AND THIRD HOMES.
THE MIDDLE CLASS IS NOT FAR BEHIND,
AND LEFT WILL BE THE POOR
WHO REQUIRE ENORMOUS SERVICES AND WHO WILL SUFFER.
THE SOUTH BRONX.
IT HAS ALL THE SUPERLATIVES-- HIGHEST CRIME,
POOREST PEOPLE, GREATEST UNEMPLOYMENT,
WORST BLIGHT,
AND THE WORLD'S RECORD FOR ARSON.
IN JUST 10 YEARS, MORE THAN 30,000 BUILDINGS
HAVE BEEN SET ABLAZE AND ABANDONED HERE.
YOU GOT RATS, BUGS, NO HEAT, NO WATER.
IT WAS TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE.
IT'S LIKE ANOTHER DOMINO EFFECT HERE.
THEN YOU SEE THE BURNINGS START.
THE LANDLORD WOULDN'T PROVIDE SERVICES,
AND THE PEOPLE HAD TO ULTIMATELY MOVE OUT,
AND THEN THE LANDLORD BURNED THE BUILDING DOWN
AND GOT THE INSURANCE.
YOU KNOW, HAVING BUILDINGS TORCHED WAS THE NORM.
THE BRONX WAS LIKE A WORLD OF ITS OWN.
THE BRONX TO US WAS A WHOLE WORLD.
WELL, THIS MORNING ON OUR WAY INTO WORK,
WE HAD A REPORT THAT THE POLICE HAD LOCATED
A CARCASS IN THE STREET ON 172ND AND BRYANT.
TURNED OUT TO BE A STRIPPED CARCASS OF A GORILLA.
IT WAS HEADLESS, AND THE FUR WAS REMOVED,
THE SKIN WAS REMOVED.
SOUTH BRONX.
IT WAS JUST A FEELING OF HOPELESSNESS.
IT WASN'T LIKE MURDER WAS HIDDEN.
YOU KNOW, MURDER WAS VERY RAMPANT.
THE NUMBER OF HOMICIDES ABOUT QUADRUPLED
FROM 1960 TO 1971.
THERE WAS CRIME FROM, LIKE,
THE CROOKED POLITICIANS TO THE CROOKED COPS.
IN THE EARLY '70S, MAN, CRIME WAS LIKE--
CRIME WAS LIKE THE MAJOR INCOME OF THE BRONX.
THERE WAS LINES OF PEOPLE WRAPPED AROUND THE CORNER
JUST WAITING TO BUY A BUNDLE OR A COUPLE OF BAGS OF DOPE.
WHEN THE COPS DRIVE UP AND DOWN,
IT WAS LIKE A TOTAL PHARMACY DRUGSTORE.
WHEN IT GOT VIRULENT, PEOPLE GOT INTO IT.
IT'S ALMOST AS IF THEY WANTED TO DIE,
AND SO THEY GOT INTO HEROIN BECAUSE THERE WAS NO DREAM.
ALL THIS STUFF WAS HAPPENING.
IT WAS TOO MUCH FOR ANYBODY TO UNDERSTAND,
BUT ONE OF THE BYPRODUCTS
WAS A LOT OF KIDS OUT ON THE STREET
AND A LOT OF LOCATIONS THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN
ALTERNATIVES TO THE STREET CEASING TO EXIST.
THE SYSTEM HAD TOTALLY LET US DOWN.
THEY LET US DO WHAT WE WANTED TO DO.
WE DEAL WITH WHATEVER WE DEAL WITH.
THEY DEAL WITH IT IN THEIR OWN MANNER.
AT THE POLICE DEPARTMENT WAS BEATING ON US
LIKE THEY HAD A PERMISSION CARD.
IT WAS JUST TOTAL CHAOS.
THERE WAS NOTHING FOR US HERE.
SO WE TURNED TO EACH OTHER AND SAID, YOU KNOW,
LET'S DO SOMETHING FOR OURSELVES.
BASICALLY, THAT WAS IT.
EVERY GANG WAS FOR THEMSELVES BACK THEN.
WE HAD NOBODY LOOKING OUT FOR US, SO IT WAS US.
IT WAS THE BROTHERHOOD, IT WAS THE GANG, AND THAT'S IT.
OUTOFTHERUBBLE ANDCHAOSOF THECITY,
ANEWBREED OFOUTLAWSTREETGANGSAROSE,
TRANSFORMING THEURBANWASTELAND
TOA DARK ANDDANGEROUSPLAYGROUND.
POLICEESTIMATED GANGMEMBERSHIP
INTHETENSOFTHOUSANDS, ANDTHESENEWOUTLAWS
MAINTAINEDA FIRMGRIP ONNEWYORKCITY'SSTREETS.
THE MENTALITY OF THE GANGS THAT CAME OUT OF THE '70S
WAS VERY VIOLENT.
THE STREET GANGS THAT WAS COMING OUT IN THE LATE '60S,
EARLY '70S WAS MORE WHAT YOU COULD SAY SAVAGE AND OUTLAW.
THESE GUYS KICKED YOU AND CURSED YOU
AND SPIT ON YOU AND URINATED ON YOU,
AND THEN SHOWED YOU, "THIS IS WHO DID IT."
WEREN'T YOU CHARGED WITH SHOOTING A POLICEMAN?
YEAH, LAST TIME I GOT BUSTED,
THEY TOLD ME, "WE GONNA CATCH YOU ONE OF THESE NIGHTS,
AND WE'RE GONNA KILL YOU." SOME PEOPLE WOULD SAY
THEY'D BE VERY WORRIED IF SOMEBODY TOLD THEM THAT.
WHY DON'T YOU?
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IF I'M GONNA DIE,
YOU KNOW, LET IT HAPPEN NOW THAN LATER.
IT WAS ALL ABOUT POWER.
I AIN'T GOT A POPS.
MY MOMS AIN'T GONNA TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
I HAVE ALL THIS ANGER.
I'M GONNA GRAB ALL THESE GUYS,
AND THEY'RE GONNA DO MY BIDDING.
SO WHATEVER I WANT THAT LACKED IN MY LIFE,
I'M GONNA GET IT RIGHT NOW.
IT WASN'T LIKE YOU HAD A CHOICE.
WHATEVER GANG RAN THE BLOCK, YOU HAD TO BE A PART OF IT.
THERE WAS NO CIVILIANS.
YOU HAD TO BE IN IT OR YOU WERE A VICTIM.
ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, IT LOOKED REALLY GOOD.
WE'RE FIGHTING ALL THE TIME.
WE DIDN'T TAKE ANY BULLSHIT FROM ANYBODY.
WE PRETTY MUCH DID WHATEVER WE WANTED.
THERE WAS NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.
THIS WAS OUR LIFE.
WE LIVED FOR EACH OTHER.
WE LIVED AND DIED FOR EACH OTHER.
WE BLED FOR EACH OTHER.
WHETHER YOU WAS RIGHT OR WRONG, IT DIDN'T MATTER.
IN THE STEEL AND CONCRETE JUNGLE
OF THE BIG CITY, A TRIBAL GROUP SURVIVES,
THE ONE-PERCENTERS.
THESE ARE THE MOTORCYCLE FREAKS.
THEY GET A CHARGE OUT OF SPOOKING THE CITIZENS
IN A STRAIGHT NEIGHBORHOOD.
THEY LIVE IN A DIFFERENT WORLD,
IN A STRANGE COP-OUT WORLD OF THEIR OWN MAKING.
WITH A KICK PEDAL AND A BOOT,
THEY WORK OFF THEIR FRUSTRATIONS ON THE MADDENED STREET.
EVERYBODY WANTED TO BE THE GIANT THAT EVERYONE'S AFRAID OF.
EVERYBODY WANTED TO BE THE HELLS ANGEL.
EVERYBODY WANTED TO BE THE GUY ON THE ROARING MACHINE.
REAL HARD-CORE MOTORCYCLE, YOU KNOW,
OUTLAW CULTURE ADAPTED TO THE STREETS OF NEW YORK.
WE HAD PRETTY MUCH ACCEPTED IT.
PUERTO RICANS IN GENERAL AND BLACKS, THEY'RE LIKE,
"FUCK IT," YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
"WE'RE GONNA FUCK EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW?"
BECAUSE OF THE ANGER THAT WE HAD TOWARDS THE SYSTEM,
WE FIGURE, "WELL, FUCK IT, WE CAN DO THAT, TOO."
YOU KNOW, THEY WERE RAISING HELL,
AND WE FIGURE WE COULD RAISE HELL
BECAUSE WE HAD SOMETHING TO RAISE HELL AGAINST.
AS MUCH AS AMERICA THINKS WE'RE NOT WATCHING IT,
WE ARE WATCHING IT, AND WE'RE IMITATING IT.
AND SO WHAT YOU SEE WITH THE RETENTION
OF SOME OF THE GARB, THE BIKER GARB,
WHAT YOU SEE IS AMERICANA, BUT IT'S AN OUTLAW AMERICANA.
THEY DON'T WANT TO BE MR. WASP,
BUT THEY CAN SEE THEMSELVES AS HELLS ANGELS.
AND, YEAH, WE HAD THE SWASTIKAS AND EVERYTHING
BECAUSE THEY HAD THE SWASTIKAS AND EVERYTHING.
WE TRIED TO EMULATE THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE,
AND AS THEY WANTED TO SHOCK SOCIETY,
WE WANTED TO SHOCK SOCIETY.
SO WE JUST WANTED TO BE AS REPULSIVE
AND REPUGNANT AS POSSIBLE.
WE PUT THE COLORS ON THE FLOOR.
THE GUYS SURROUND THE COLORS.
EVERYBODY TAKES OUT THEIR PENIS
AND STARTS LEAKING ON THE JACKET,
AND THEN IF YOU'RE LUCKY, THE GUY VOMITS.
THEN YOU TAKE YOUR JACKET...
PUT IT ON, WHA!
THAT'S AN OUTLAW.
AND NOT EVEN FLIES WILL WANT TO HANG AROUND YOU!
THE PATCHES ARE THE FAMILY'S COAT OF ARMS.
THE COLORS IS YOUR SHIELD.
MOST OF THE GANGS OF YESTERYEAR
WASN'T NERVOUS TO SAY WHO THEY WERE.
SO IF YOU WAS A SKULL, A SPADE, A REAPER, A TURBAN,
YOU WOULD WEAR WITH HONOR ON YOUR BACK OF WHO YOU WAS.
SUPREME ENCHANTERS, YOU SEE THAT?
JAVELINS, YOU SEE?
GET A GOOD LOOK AT IT.
GANG CULTURE STREET LAW SAYS, "THIS IS OUR TURF.
IF YOU WANT TO WALK THROUGH OUR TURF,
THIS IS LIKE OUR NATION.
IN ORDER TO PASS THROUGH OUR NATION,
YOU HAVE TO SHOW RESPECT AND NOT FLY YOUR COLORS
'CAUSE THIS IS OUR TURF."
YOU WALKED INTO ANOTHER TURF
AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE THEIR PERMISSION,
YOU MIGHT LOSE YOUR COLORS OR YOU MIGHT LOSE YOUR LIFE.
I MEAN, YOU WOULD WALK CERTAIN PLACES,
THEY SEE YOU IN A CUT-OFF DUNGAREE JACKET,
YO, THEY'D TAKE IT FROM YOU,
STOMP YOU OUT AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
I MEAN, IF YOU HAD M.C. BOOTS ON,
YOU WEREN'T IN THE CLUB, YOU'RE WALKING HOME BAREFOOT
IF YOU COULD WALK.
THEY'D JUST BEAT YOU UP, TAKE YOUR COLORS,
HANG 'EM UP ON A WALL, THAT'S HOW THEY USED TO DO IT.
OUR CONQUERED ENEMIES.
THOSE ARE OUR CONQUERED ENEMIES RIGHT THERE.
BACHELORS, ENCOUNTERS BRON-- ENCHANTERS BRONX,
ROYAL JAVELINS, LATIN EAGLES.
GIRLS HAD MAJOR ROLES BECAUSE BACK THEN,
THERE WERE NO POLICEWOMEN.
SO WE'D CARRY THE GUNS, WHICH WAS A BIG ISSUE
BECAUSE IF THE COPS STOPPED YOU, THEY'D TELL THE WOMEN,
"KEEP IT MOVING," AND THEY WOULD SEARCH THE GUYS.
THE GUYS ARE BEAUTIFUL.
WE ALL GET ALONG.
WE'RE CALLING EACH OTHER YOU KNOW?
THAT MEANS RESPECT.
WE'RE BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
WE GOT RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER.
BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
WE BORE THEIR BABIES.
WE FOUGHT ALONGSIDE THEM, NOT BEHIND THEM
OR IN FRONT OF THEM, ALTHOUGH MANY OF US
DID FIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM, BUT WE WERE HAND-IN-HAND.
BACK THEN, TO JOIN A GANG,
YOU DID HAVE TO GO THROUGH INITIATIONS.
FOR EVERY GANG, THE STANDARD INITIATION
IS THE APACHE LINE.
THE APACHE LINE IS SOMETHING WE USED TO TEST YOUR METTLE
AND YOUR FIGHTING SKILLS AND YOUR HEART.
PEOPLE WOULD SET UP ON EACH SIDE,
AND SOMEBODY WOULD BEAT YOU WITH THEIR FISTS.
SOME GANGS MIGHT EVEN HIT YOU WITH BATS OR STICKS.
IT'S ALMOST LIKE GOING THROUGH RITES OF PASSAGE.
OTHER GUYS WAS JUMPING A COP.
WE USED TO HAVE TO FIGHT.
IT WASN'T A CHOICE.
WE HAD TO FIGHT.
BUT OURS WAS DIFFERENT.
WE DIDN'T DO THE APACHE LINE.
WE HAD A 45.
AS LONG AS THAT RECORD WAS PLAYING,
YOU HAD TO FIGHT THREE GUYS AT THE SAME TIME.
SO WE PUT GRAND FUNK RAILROAD, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO--
"ALL RIGHT, SONG'S FINISHED."
ONE DAY I LOOKED AT MY BROTHER VICTOR, SAID,
"VIC, I'M GOING TO THE STORE.
TAKE CARE OF THIS.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK." GO TO THE STORE.
COME BACK, HE HAD AN ALBUM.
I SAID WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING WITH AN ALBUM?
!"
"I JUST WANT TO SEE THE GUYS BEAT HIM UP."
SUPPOSED TO BE A 45.
HE HAD AN ALBUM ON.
THE POOR GUY GOT HIS JAW BROKEN.
THE SKULLS WERE THE ULTIMATE
BECAUSE THEIR APACHE LINE WAS A .32--
ONE SHELL, SPIN, AND PULL THE TRIGGER.
FROMTHESAIGONSOFHARLEM
TOTHEJOLLYSTOMPERS OFBROOKLYN,
OUTLAWGANGSFOLLOWEDASYSTEM OFLAWANDORGANIZATION
THATWASCOMMONDESPITE THEIRGLARINGDIFFERENCES.
THE RANKS IN MOST GANGS, THERE WAS ONLY THREE LEVELS.
THERE WAS THE PRESIDENT, THE VICE PRESIDENT,
AND THE WARLORD.
YOUR PRESIDENT, HE HAD TO HAVE THE CHARISMA,
AND EVERYBODY WOULD WANT TO FOLLOW HIM.
THERE HAS TO BE SOMEONE YOU RESPECT AND SOMEONE YOU ADMIRE
TO GIVE YOU A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE.
THAT PERSON HAS TO HAVE NOT ONLY THE POWER OF LOVE
BUT THE ABILITY TO BEAT YOU DOWN.
VICE PRESIDENT CAME IN
IN CASE THE PRESIDENT WAS EVER KILLED.
AND THEN YOU HAD THE WARLORD, AND THE WARLORD WAS THE PERSON
THAT EITHER DECLARED OR STOPPED A WAR.
THE WARLORD WAS THE ONE WHO WOULD GO IN AND NEGOTIATE,
TO SEE IF YOU'RE GONNA GO TO WAR WITH JUST THE HANDS,
THE BATS, CHAINS AND KNIVES, OR THE GUNS.
SOME GANGS HAD GESTAPO,
AND THOSE WITH THE GUYS THAT WERE IN CHARGE
OF INFLICTING PUNISHMENT ON THEIR MEMBERS.
THEY WERE LIKE THE POLICE.
LIKE, YOU POLICED YOUR OWN GANG.
THERE YOU GO, COOL OFF.
THE GESTAPO WERE LIKE THE REAL HARD-CORE GANG GUYS.
LIKE, THEY FOLLOWED STREET LAW TO THE "T."
I REPRESENT GESTAPO IN THE SAVAGE NOMADS,
WHICH IS A DIFFERENT SQUAD.
I GET ONE OF MY MEMBERS WHERE SCHOOL'S UP
BUT DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE ON THE STREET
OR TALK TO ANYBODY LIKE A HUMAN BEING
THE WAY HE'S SUPPOSED TO, HE COMES TO MY LITTLE CELL HERE.
BIGGEST GANGS IN BROOKLYN FROM MY TIME,
KNOWN GANGS, THE DIRTY ONES.
THE DIRTY ONES, THEY WERE THE MOST FAMOUS.
WE HEARD ABOUT THE TOMAHAWKS OUT IN BROOKLYN.
GANGS LIKE THE ASSASSINATORS, THE DUKES.
AND THE HOMICIDES.
THE MAJESTICS, SANDPIPERS.
THERE WERE GANGS LITERALLY IN EVERY CORNER.
DYNAMITE BROTHERS WERE A BIG GANG
IN THE LOWER EAST SIDE.
TOWARDS THE LOWER EAST SIDE,
YOU HAD THE CHOCCOS.
YOU HAD THE HARLEM TURKS.
YOU HAD THE RENEGADES OF HARLEM.
IN THOSE DAYS, THE MEANEST BOROUGH WAS THE BRONX.
YOU CAME FROM THE BRONX, YOU WAS BAD.
IT ALL STARTED UP IN THE BRONX.
IN THE BRONX,
IT WAS A DEEP-ROOTED GANG CULTURE, OKAY?
THEY LIVED IT.
THERE WAS 101 GANGS IN THE BRONX, SO TAKE YOUR PICK.
BLACK ASSASSINS, PEACEMAKERS.
ROMAN KINGS.
YOUNG KIDS, DEADLY.
YOU SEE THEM, THEY'RE LITTLE KIDS.
YOU LOOK AT THEM WRONG, THEY'RE GONNA SHOOT YOU.
THE TURBANS, THE JAVELINS, REAPERS.
SEVEN IMMORTALS.
TURBANS.
TURBANS.
EX-VETERANS FROM VIETNAM.
THESE GUYS DIDN'T HAVE GUNS.
THEY HAD RIFLES.
BACHELORS WAS-- THERE WERE BIG.
ONE OF THE BIGGEST GANGS IN THE BRONX-
- BLACK SPADES.
BLACK SPADES HAD A DIVISION
IN EVERY AREA THEY HAD A POLICE DEPARTMENT.
BLACK SPADES, YOU COULD COUNT THEM
BECAUSE WHEN THEY CAME, LIKE, THEY BLACKENED,
LIKE, THE WHOLE STREET.
WE HAD NOTHING BUT RESPECT FOR THEM
BECAUSE THEY EARNED THEIR RESPECT.
THE SAVAGE NOMADS.
THESE GUYS, ONCE THEY PUT THOSE COLORS
ON, REMEMBER DOCTOR JEKYLL AND MISTER HYDE?
THESE GUYS TURNED MEAN.
SAVAGE SKULLS.
SAVAGE SKULLS WAS ONE OF THE MOST RESPECTED GANGS
THAT WALKED THE STREETS.
THERE WAS GANGS IN THE NORTH BRONX ALSO,
AND THEY WERE PREDOMINANTLY WHITE GANGS, RIGHT,
AND THEY WAS JUST AS VICIOUS AS GANGS
IN CENTRAL HARLEM AND THE SOUTH BRONX.
YOU HAD GANGS LIKE THE WAR PIGS, THE ALIENS,
WHITE LIGHTNING, JUNIOR KKK, GRATEFUL DEAD,
AND THESE GUYS WERE LIKE A LOT OF GUYS, RIGHT?
FAMOUS-
- GOLDEN GUINEAS.
WELL, THE GOLDEN GUINEAS I WOULD HAVE TO SAY,
THEY WERE THE BADDEST WHITE BOYS ON THE BLOCK.
THEY WEREN'T TAKING NO CRAP FROM NOBODY
AS FAR AS THEY WERE CONCERNED,
AND WE HAD TO GIVE THEM THEIR RESPECT.
181ST, 182ND,
AND THAT WAS LIKE THE CUT-OFF RIGHT THERE.
YO, DUDE, IF WE WENT UP TO FORDHAM ROAD, IT WAS ON.
WE HAD GUNS, BUT WE DIDN'T HAVE GUNS LIKE THEY HAD GUNS.
THESE GUYS HAD TRANSPORTATION, THEY HAVE THE WEAPONRY,
YOU KNOW, AND THEY HAVE THE BALLS.
THE GOLDEN GUINEAS,
NOW THEY HAD A REPUTATION FOR CUTTING TWO Gs
INTO YOUR FACE SO THAT YOU KNOW
THAT YOU RAN INTO THE GOLDEN GUINEAS.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M DAVID SUSSKIND.
FIRST PART OF THE SHOW TONIGHT
ARE THE EMERGENCE OF THE STREET GANGS ONCE AGAIN.
MY GUESTS ARE LEADERS AND SPOKESMEN FOR THESE GANGS.
I WANT YOU TO MEET THEM NOW.
FIRST, BENJY MELENDEZ
IS A SPOKESMAN FOR THE GHETTO BROTHERS.
FORMER MARINE CHARLIE SUAREZ
IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE GHETTO BROTHERS.
WITH THE BLACK PANTHERS AND THE YOUNG LORDS,
THE FURTHER YOU GOT IN THE '70S,
THE LESS INFLUENCE THEY HAD ON THE YOUNGER GENERATION,
EVEN THE OLDER GENERATION.
THE GHETTO BROTHERS WAS KIND OF LIKE FILLING THAT VOID,
BUT THEY STILL HAD THAT STREET CRED.
WE ARE BEING OPPRESSED BY THE NORTH AMERICAN YANKEE.
WE THE PUERTO RICANS SHOULD RISE UP AND DEFEND OURSELVES
AGAINST THESE DOGS WHO WILL OPPRESS US
AND LIBERATE OUR COUNTRY FROM CAPITALISM AND IMPERIALISM.
THE NORTH AMERICAN IS TRYING TO STEAL OUR IDENTITY
AS PUERTO RICANS AND CALL US AMERICANS.
WE PUERTO RICANS ARE PUERTO RICANS
TO THE DAY WE ARE BORN UNTIL THE DAY WE DIE.
WHEN THE BLACK PANTHERS CAME INTO THE SCENE,
THE YOUNG LORDS CAME INTO THE SCENE,
THESE GROUPS WENT AROUND TALKING TO THE GANGS,
"STOP THE VIOLENCE.
LET'S DIRECT ALL OUR ENERGY THIS WAY."
LOT OF THE GANGS DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR THAT.
THE GHETTO BROTHERS TOOK HEAT TO THAT.
WHAT WE WANTED THEM TO DO IS UNDERSTAND
THAT THERE WAS ANOTHER VISION OF AMERICA,
THAT THEY WERE KILLING THEMSELVES--
THAT'S WHAT OUR INTENT WAS-- AND THAT THE NEIGHBORHOODS
THAT THEY WERE IN WERE THEIR NEIGHBORHOODS.
WE WANTED THEM TO FEEL OWNERSHIP OVER THOSE BLOCKS.
THERE'S A LOT OF CLUBS THAT HELP JUST THEIR OWN FRIENDS
AND FORGET ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE WHO LIVE AROUND US, YOU KNOW?
BUT WE DON'T THINK LIKE THAT. 
WE LIKE TO HELP EVERYBODY.
I LOVED THE GHETTO BROTHERS.
WE HONORED THEM BECAUSE THEY WERE-
- THEY SEEMED--
TO ME, IT SEEMED LIKE THEY HAD ENOUGH COURAGE TO DO SOMETHING
THAT WE ALL REALLY WANTED TO DO
BUT DIDN'T HAVE THE COURAGE TO DO IT
BECAUSE YOU WERE KNOWN FOR YOUR BRUTALITY IN THOSE DAYS.
YOU WEREN'T KNOWN FOR BEING A NICE GUY.
GHETTO BROTHERS WAS DEFINITELY POLITICAL MINDED,
BUT THEY ALSO, YOU KNOW, DIDN'T TAKE NO SHIT EITHER.
IT WASN'T THAT THEY COULDN'T FIGHT.
THAT WAS THE SOUTH BRONX.
THERE'S NO NOT FIGHTING.
SO EVEN IF YOU'RE A NICE GUY, EVERYBODY HAD TO FIGHT.
IF YOU SAW THEM COMING DOWN THE BLOCK, YOU KNOW,
OKAY, THE GHETTO BROTHERS, THEY'RE COOL.
THEY GOT A LOT OF KIDS OFF THE STREET.
THEY GOT A LOT OF KIDS, MAN, LIKE, GOING BACK INTO SCHOOL.
FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND,
THEY DID START HELPING THE NEIGHBORHOODS A LOT.
SO FAR, SINCE I'VE BEEN IN THE GHETTO BROTHERS,
THEY HAVE DAVE ME BACK MY SELF-RESPECT
BECAUSE I AM AN EX-JUNKIE.
THEY WAS WITH ME ALMOST 24 HOURS A DAY.
I KICKED COLD.
MORE THAN EIGHT OR NINE GHETTO BROTHERS
IN THE ORGANIZATION THAT WE GOT NOW ARE EX-JUNKIES,
AND IF YOU GO RIGHT NOW TO GHETTO BROTHERS HEADQUARTERS,
YOU DON'T SEE NO JUNKIES IN THAT BLOCK NO MORE.
THE GHETTO BROTHERS STARTED TO GROW
AND GROW AND GROW AND GROW.
2,500 IN THE BRONX ALONE!
THEN THE GHETTO BROTHERS STARTED TO EXPAND
TO MANHATTAN, BROOKLYN, QUEENS.
THEY KNEW HOW TO ARTICULATE AND USE THE MEDIA
TO ACTUALLY LET NOT JUST NEW YORK CITY
BUT KIND OF LET THE UNITED STATES KNOW THAT,
LOOK, THIS IS HAPPENING HERE IN NEW YORK CITY, RIGHT?
I GUESS IT'S WHAT THE TEENAGERS ARE GONNA MAKE IT, RIGHT?
IF WE SHOOT DOPE, THEY'RE GONNA BE SHOOTING DOPE
WHEN THEY GET OLDER, AND IF THEY SEE
THE GHETTO BROTHERS-- LIKE MY CLUB IS DOING,
THAT WE ARE-- GET OURSELVES TOGETHER,
WE DO SOMETHING FROM THE COMMUNITY,
THEN THEY'RE GONNA THINK THAT'S WHAT'S HIP.
WE'RE IN THE GHETTO.
SOMEONE SMASHES A BOTTLE.
SOMEONE BENDS A CAN AND TOSSES IT.
SOMEONE GRABS A PIECE OF PAPER AND TOSSES IT.
WE'RE IN THE GHETTO BECAUSE WE CREATED THE GHETTO.
SO WE JUST SAID NO MORE.
NO MORE.
I STARTED TO THINK, I SAID IT WOULD BE GOOD
TO CHANNEL ALL THIS ENERGY
INTO DOING SOMETHING FOR OUR COMMUNITY.
LET'S HAVE A GOOD TIME.
LET'S GET TOGETHER.
LET'S SWEEP THE COMMUNITY.
LET'S GIVE OUT FREE FOOD.
LET'S GIVE OUT CLOTHES TO THIS COMMUNITY
BECAUSE IN THOSE TIMES, THINGS WERE REALLY BAD.
I WANT PEOPLE TO SAY
THE GHETTO BROTHERS HAS DONE SOMETHING.
I WANT MY CHILD TO SAY WHEN HE GROWS UP
MY FATHER'S DONE SOMETHING FOR SOCIETY, SEE?
AND I WANT THINGS TO CHANGE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT
TO BE LIVING IN THE SOUTH BRONX WHERE EVERYTHING IS MESSED UP.
THREE NAMES THAT ALWAYS POPPED UP--
BENJY, KARATE CHARLIE, AND BLACK BENJI.
YOU KNOW, I'M AN EX-DRUG ADDICT.
I'M NOT GONNA LIE ABOUT IT.
WHEN I CAME TO THEM, I WAS STILL USING DRUGS.
DUE RESPECT TO THEM, AND I WENT TO KICK.
I'VE BEEN STRAIGHT SINCE, AND I LOVE GHETTO BROTHERS.
THERE'S A PURPOSE HERE.
IT'S SOMETHING THAT'S BENEFICIAL TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD,
THE ESTABLISHMENT, AND EVERYBODY ELSE.
BLACK BENJI, BENJAMIN CORNELL
WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY CHARLIE.
HE SAID, "BENJI WANTS TO CHECK OUT THE GHETTO BROTHERS."
SURE.
I SAID, "WOULD DO YOU DO?"
HE SAID, "I WORK AS A DRUG COUNSELOR."
SAID, "VERY GOOD.
THAT'S VERY GOOD."
SO ONE DAY, KIDS WERE IN THE PROGRAM,
AND THE GHETTO BROTHERS CLUB, I'M LOOKING AT THEM,
AND HE SITS DOWN IN A CHAIR AND HE'S TALKING TO KIDS,
AND I SAW THEY WERE ON THE FLOOR TELLING THEM STORIES,
AND I LOOKED, I SAID, "THAT'S WONDERFUL."
AND THEN HE TALKS TO THE OLDER PEOPLE IN MY COMMUNITY.
HE SAID, "MAN, THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THIS GUY, I LIKE THAT.
CHARLIE, COME HERE.
I THINK WE SHOULD STOP THE WARLORDS
AND PUT A PEACEMAKER, THAT'S THE MAN.
LET'S MAKE THEM INTO A PEACE AMBASSADOR."
HE BECAME THE THIRD STAFF OF THE GHETTO BROTHERS.
YOU'RE GONNA BE THE AMBASSADOR FOR PEACE.
WHAT I KNEW ABOUT THE GHETTO BROTHERS,
THE FIRST THING WAS I HEARD A LOT ABOUT KARATE CHARLIE.
EVERYBODY KEPT HEARING ABOUT THIS GUY
KARATE CHARLIE, RIGHT?
GUYS IN GANGS, YOU HAD TO HAVE A KARATE SOMETHING.
LIKE IN THIS ONE GANG, YOU HAD A KARATE KENNY.
I REMEMBER HIM.
THEN YOU HAD A KARATE JOE NOSE.
WE HAD A GUY NAMED KARATE MOE,
BUT IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF EVERYBODY
HEARD ABOUT THIS GUY NAMED KARATE CHARLIE.
THE REP FOR HIM THAT WE HEARD
WAS THAT HE WAS A BAD DUDE.
HE WAS INTO KARATE AND STUFF.
THEY WERE SAYING, OH, HE KNOCKED A GUY OUT
BY KICKING HIM IN THE HEAD,
AND IT WAS LIKE AN URBAN LEGEND ALMOST.
CHARLIE WAS A WARRIOR.
HE LIVED LIKE THE JAPANESE BUSHIDO.
YOU CROSS ME, YOU CROSS MY HONOR?
YAH!
YOU'RE GOING DOWN.
REMEMBER, I JUST CAME OUT OF THE MARINE CORPS.
SO WHAT I WANTED WAS A LITTLE MARINE CORPS.
BECAUSE HE BROUGHT THE MILITARY DISCIPLINE
TO THE GHETTO BROTHERS.
THE GHETTO BROTHERS WERE NOT KNOWN FOR GUNS.
WE WERE KNOWN FOR THE HANDS.
GHETTO BROTHERS WERE VERY GOOD WITH HANDS AND LEGS.
SO CHARLIE WAS THE INSTRUCTOR.
THEY CALLED ME KARATE CHARLIE, AND THEY CALLED THE FOUNDER,
BENJI MELENDEZ, THE PREACHER.
CHARLIE AND I WERE BROTHERS.
I MEAN, WE WERE VERY CLOSE.
BUT WE WERE TWO WORLDS.
BENJI WAS A YIN WHILE I WAS A YANG,
BLACK AND WHITE, SOFT AND HARD,
RAIN AND SHINE-- WE WERE THE OPPOSITES.
THE YIN AND YANG? 
THAT'S TRUE.
THAT'S ME AND CHARLIE.
CHARLIE WAS--
AND I WOULD SAY, "NO, CHARLIE."
"COME ON, BENJY!" "NO, CHARLIE, COME ON."
SOMETIMES IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND, TOO.
CHARLIE HAD TO CALM BENJY DOWN.
YOU KNOW, THEY KEPT EACH OTHER, YOU KNOW, AT BAY.
YELLOW BENJI, HE WAS MORE OF A PEACEMAKER.
HE WAS ALSO TRYING TO LET PEOPLE KNOW,
LOOK, LET'S STOP FIGHTING AMONGST OURSELVES
'CAUSE WE'RE ONLY HURTING EACH OTHER.
LET'S FIGHT THE MAN.
LET'S HURT HIM.
THE ENEMY AROUND THE BRONX NOW AT THIS VERY MOMENT
IS THE POLICEMAN.
YES, THIS IS A WARRIOR THING.
YES, IT IS.
AND WE'RE HERE TO DEFEND OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS
AGAINST PEOPLE LIKE THEM.
IF YOU'RE GONNA COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, MAN.
IF YOU'RE GONNA STRIKE US, WE'RE GONNA STRIKE BACK.
RIGHT ON!
BEYONDRUNNINGTHEGANG, YELLOWBENJY
WASALSOTHELEADER OFTHEGHETTOBROTHERSBAND ,
AUNIQUEANDWELL-LOVED ROCKANDLATINFUNKOUTFIT.
THE BAND AND THE GANG WERE TWO SEPARATE ENTITIES.
THE TALENT WAS DEFINITELY THERE.
IT WAS DEFINITELY A LATIN FLAVOR.
IT ALSO SHOWED WHAT CLUBS COULD DO
IF THEY TOOK A DIFFERENT DIRECTION.
I TELL MY BROTHERS, LISTEN,
I NOTICE THAT WHEN YOU TALK TO PEOPLE,
SOME PEOPLE WILL LISTEN, SOME PEOPLE DON'T.
BUT THE IDEA OF MUSIC, MY BROTHERS AND I,
MUSIC CATERS TO ALL TYPE OF PEOPLE.
SO IF YOU WANT TO GET A MESSAGE,
WHY DON'T WE PUT IT INTO SONG, WATCH THEM LISTEN.
THEN WHEN WE PLAY THE MUSIC, WHAT WE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY
TO THEM AND YOU PUT IT BEHIND GUITARS IS,
"YO, MAN, THAT'S ME, MAN.
I LIVE THAT TYPE OF LIFE.
WHAT WOULD BE THAT SONG FOR YOU, MY BROTHER?"
I REMEMBER A LOT OF BONGOS.
I ALWAYS, YOU KNOW, REMEMBER BONGO MUSIC.
IF THEY WERE JAMMING UP THE STREET, YOU KNOW,
UP THE HILL, YOU COULD HEAR THE MUSIC.
WHEN WE PLAYED MUSIC, WHY DON'T WE PLAY
A LITTLE ROCK HERE, A LITTLE LATIN HERE,
A LITTLE SOUL OVER HERE?
SO YOU HEARD BEATLES, SLY AND THE FAMILY STONE,
SANTANA, YOU HEARD ALL OF THAT.
SO EVERY FRIDAY, THE GANGS KNEW
THAT WE HAD MUSIC AND A MESSAGE.
IN1971DESPITEALL EFFORTS BYSOCIALWORKERS
ANDSPECIALIZEDPOLICEUNITS,
GANGVIOLENCEHADESCALATED TOA FEVERPITCH,
PLUNGINGTHESTREETS INTOA STATEOF CONTINUALWAR 
UNLIKEANYTHINGTHECITY HADEVEREXPERIENCEDBEFORE.
DRUGS WAS A BIG FACTOR IN GANGS GOING HAYWIRE,
LUST FOR POWER, LUST FOR TURF.
THE WARS WITH STREET GANGS COULD START FROM SOMETHING
THAT COULD BE JUST AS SILLY AS STEPPING ON SOMEBODY'S BOOTS.
WARS COULD GET STARTED JUST FROM A RUMOR.
TERRITORY WAS A BIG ISSUE.
I HAD HEARD OF SOME DUDES JUST GETTING POPPED
FROM RUNNING DOWN THE WRONG BLOCK.
THE GARBAGE CAN IS HERE.
IF YOU GO PAST THAT GARBAGE CAN,
ALTHOUGH IT'S THE SAME BLOCK
IN THE SAME NEIGHBORHOOD, IT COULD BE A WAR.
THE DEVIL'S REBELS IS FIGHTING GANG,
AND ON THIS NIGHT, THEY FOUND THEIR FIRST VICTIMS
OUTSIDE A CORNER GROCERY STORE.
WHAT LOOKS LIKE CHILD'S PLAY IS NOT.
IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THIS, A YOUNG MAN WAS STABBED.
IT WAS THE THING ABOUT CONQUERING.
YOU GO TO THEIR TURF, BEAT THE HELL OUT OF THESE GUYS,
AND COME BACK AGAIN AND AGAIN UNTIL THEY WERE FORCED--
EITHER THEY BREAK UP OR BECOME PART OF THE MAJORITY.
SO THEY DID IT THROUGH BARBARIAN STYLE,
WARRIOR, VIKINGS.
THEY TRIED TO TAKE OVER ONE OF MY DIVISIONS.
THEY DIDN'T QUITE MAKE IT, AND WE KILLED TWO OF THEY GUYS.
THEY TRIED TO BURN DOWN MY CLUBHOUSE.
WE KILLED TWO OF THEY GUYS, AND FIVE OF THEY GUYS ROLLED UP
ON ONE OF THE SAVAGE NOMADS.
KNOW WHAT THEY TOLD HIM?
"WE GONNA GIVE YOU HELL, BABY.
"WE GONNA GIVE YOU HELL." AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN KILL HIM.
THERE WERE BIG GANG WARS
BETWEEN THE SAVAGE SKULLS, BLACK SPADES,
BETWEEN THE SAVAGE SKULLS, THE BACHELORS.
BACK THEN, NOBODY HAD CELL PHONES,
BUT IT'S LIKE DRUMS-- YOU HEAR IT.
YOU HEAR IT ALL OVER THE PLACE.
YOU KNOW, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, YOU HEAR WHO'S BEATING WHO.
THE VIOLENCE WAS EVERYWHERE.
YOU COULD SEE THE FIGHTS ACROSS THE STREET.
YOU COULD HEAR THE SHOTS IN THE NIGHTTIME.
WHAT MADE LIFE INTERESTING IN THE SOUTH BRONX
FOR THESE YOUNG GUYS WAS FIGHTING, WAS KILLING.
"YO, I KILLED A DUDE TODAY." "WHAT'D YOU DO?"
"I STABBED HIM IN THE THROAT.
WHAT'D YOU DO, MAN?"
"YO, I SHOT THAT DUDE." "I BURNED THIS GUY."
YOU HEAR THIS, AND THIS IS EVERY DAY.
IT WAS A LAWLESS TIME.
IF SOMEBODY GOT KILLED ON HEWITT PLACE,
THEIR BODY STAYED THERE.
AN AMBULANCE WOULDN'T DARE COME AND PICK THAT BODY UP.
THE POLICE CAME IN RIOT GEAR TO TAKE THAT BODY OUT THERE,
AND THEY DIDN'T DO AN INVESTIGATION.
THEY TOOK THAT BODY OUT OF THERE AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE
BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANT TO GET IT.
THERE'S NO AMBULANCE COMING.
THERE ARE NO AMBULANCES, ALL RIGHT?
HOW LONG IT'S GONNA TAKE, MAN?
THE '70S WHEN THE DRUG TRADE CAME IN THE CITY,
THAT TOTALLY CHANGED THE WHOLE VIBE ON HOW WE RUMBLE.
NOW IT'S SERIOUS.
NOW WE'RE GONNA START SHOOTING AT EACH OTHER.
IN THE '70S, YOU HAD FIREPOWER.
YOU HAD SOME GANGS WITH ARSENALS.
I'VE SEEN .357s.
I'VE SEEN 12-GUAGE SHOTGUNS.
I'VE SEEN DYNAMITE ON THE STREET.
I'VE SEEN ALL THIS.
YOU'D BE SURPRISED, MAN.
PRETTY SOON, THEY'RE GONNA STEAL THE DAMN ATOM BOMB.
ASTHEBLOODSHEDCONTINUED,
THEGHETTOBROTHERSWORKED FERVENTLYTOMEDIATEPEACE
AMONGSTTHEEVER-GROWINGWEB  OFTURFBATTLES.
A LOT OF THINGS WAS HAPPENING IN THE BRONX AT THE SAME TIME.
WE FELT THE WHOLE WORLD WAS GOING THROUGH THESE CHANGES.
I SAID THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND.
YOU KNOW, WE WERE PRETTY MUCH HURTING FIGHTING EACH OTHER
INSTEAD OF GOING AGAINST THE REAL ENEMY.
BENJY, HE TRIED, MAN.
HE TRIED TO LET US KNOW THAT.
THEY WERE LIKE THE CLUB THAT WOULD BE THE MEDIATORS,
YOU KNOW, STOPPED A LOT OF US FROM GOING OUT THERE
AND GOING BALLISTIC ON A WHOLE LOT OF WARS, YOU KNOW?
I WOULD SIT DOWN AND REASON WITH A LOT OF THESE BROTHERS.
"COME HERE, GUYS.
SAVAGE SKULLS, COME HERE."
SAVAGE NOMADS, COME HERE.
BLACK SPADES, COME OVER HERE."
THAT'S THE WAY WE USED TO TALK.
"IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE WITH THIS TURF THING, GUYS."
IT'S US AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT.
IT'S NOT ME AGAINST YOU.
YOU ARE NOT HURTING ME.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE THAT'S KEEPING ME DOWN.
I DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT YOU.
YOU'RE NOT THE PROBLEM.
"YO, BROTHERS, COME ON, MAN."
"NAH, BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, MAN!
HE CAME INTO MY TURF WITH HIS COLORS, MAN!
AND HE WAS JUST TRYING TO TELL ME--"
BECAUSE COLORS?
COME ON, GUYS, THINK WHAT I'M GONNA SAY.
COLORS IS GONNA MAKE YOU GO INSANE?
ONDECEMBER8,  ASERIESOF EVENTSTRANSPIRED
THAT ROCKED THE GHETTO BROTHERS ANDTHERESTOFTHEBRONX .
ASA RESULT, THEOUTCOMEWOULDCOME
TOCHANGEGANGLIFE INNEWYORKCITYFOREVER.
THEY CAME TO THE STOREFRONT AND SAID
THERE WAS GOING TO BE A FIGHT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS.
"BENJY, THREE GANGS ARE COMING FROM SOUTHERN BOULEVARD--
BONGOS, BLACK SPADES, AND SEVEN IMMORTALS.
THEY WANT TO GET THE ROMAN KINGS."
BENJI SAID, "LET BLACK BEN GO, CORNELL GO."
"BENJI, YOU GOT YOUR JOB CUT OUT FOR YOU.
YOU'RE GONNA GET ME THE PRESIDENT, VICE PRESIDENT,
WARLORDS OF THOSE THREE GANGS.
BRING THEM HERE SO WE CAN BROKER A PEACE.
BRING THEM HERE, TAKE SOME GHETTO BROTHERS WITH YOU."
SO HE LEFT.
HE WENT WITH PLAYBOY
AND A FEW OF THE YOUNGER GHETTO BROTHERS.
WE CAME DOWN THE STAIRS, RIGHT?
AND WE STOPPED THERE,
AND THERE WAS ABOUT 13 TO 20 OF US.
AND THEN WHEN WE LOOKED DOWN, WE SEEN THEM,
AND YOU COULDN'T EVEN SEE THE CORNER.
THAT'S HOW MANY THERE WERE, AND WHEN WE GOT TO THE BOTTOM
OF THE STAIRS AND THEY COULD'VE SEEN US,
THERE WAS ONLY ABOUT NINE OF US.
THAT'S WHEN BENJI CAME OUT, AND BENJI SAID--
HE TOOK A STEP FORWARD, AND HE SAID,
"LISTEN, BROTHER, WE'RE HERE TO TALK PEACE."
AND THE GUY WHO CAME OUT, HE SAID, "PEACE, SHIT."
THAT'S WHEN THE GUY PULL OUT THE MACHETE.
THAT'S WHEN THEY HAD US ALL SURROUNDED.
BENJI SAID, "TAKE, BROTHER..." BECAUSE THERE WAS TOO MANY.
SO I HEARD A NOISE, YOU KNOW, POW, LIKE A SLAP,
AND BENJI HAD GOT HIT IN THE STOMACH, AND HE TRIPPED.
AT THAT TIME WAS A TIME WHEN THEY WERE KILLING,
KILLING, KILLING, KILLING, AND CORNELL WASN'T RECOGNIZED.
THEY RECOGNIZED VIOLENCE,
AND THEY RECOGNIZED SOMEBODY THAT'D THROW A PUNCH.
IT WAS A MOMENT IN TIME THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED.
IF I COULD JUST TURN BACK THE HANDS OF TIME,
THIS WOULDN'T EVER HAVE HAPPENED.
AND I LOOKED AT MY BROTHERS TODAY, MY REAL BROTHERS,
SAYS, "THINK ABOUT IT-- THERE WAS THAT FATEFUL DAY
THAT I SENT HIM TO BRING PEACE."
MY BROTHER LOOKED AT ME, SAID,
"BENJI, BUT YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GONNA--"
"NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
I DIDN'T KNOW THE FATE,
BUT IT WAS MY DECISION TO SEND HIM."
THAT WAS ONE OF THE WORST DAYS
IN SOUTH BRONX HISTORY WHEN HE GOT MURDERED.
THE WORD ON THE STREET WAS HE WAS TRYING TO MAKE PEACE,
AND HE WAS MURDERED TRYING TO MAKE PEACE,
AND BASICALLY AFTER THAT, THE SOUTH BRONX,
FORT APACHE WAS OUT OF CONTROL.
WHEN THIS TRAGEDY HAPPENED,
THEY WENT TO WAR AND EVEN GOT MANY GANGS TO MOVE
AGAINST THE SEVEN IMMORTALS AND THE BLACK SPADES.
EVERY GANG IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD AT LEAST WERE SO MAD
THAT THEY KILLED THIS GUY,
THEY WERE RUNNING THROUGH THE STREETS.
THEY WERE BURNING EVERYTHING.
I MEAN, PANDEMONIUM HIT.
BLACK SPADES WASN'T GONNA BACK DOWN
IF THEY WAS GONNA FULLY GET ATTACKED.
THEN THERE WAS THE TIME WHEN THE SPADE LEADERS,
ALL OF THEM SAID HELL WITH IT, GET READY FOR WAR.
HOW RUMORS SPREAD.
HOW NEWS SPREAD.
THERE WAS NOT A GANG IN THE WHOLE OF NEW YORK
THAT WAS NOT AWARE WHAT'S HAPPENING.
I PUT OUT A BULLETIN,
AND I STARTED CALLING GHETTO BROTHERS,
ALL THE GHETTO BROTHERS.
CHARLIE WANTED TO GET THE GHETTO BROTHERS
TO MOBILIZE FOR THE BIGGEST BLOODBATH
IN THE HISTORY OF NEW YORK.
WE LOST A MEMBER, THEY VICIOUSLY MURDERED HIM
OUT THERE IN THE STREET.
NOW IT'S AN EYE FOR AN EYE
BECAUSE ANOTHER GHETTO BROTHER LOSES A LIFE,
SIX OF WHOEVER, WHETHER THEY HIS KIDS,
HIS MOTHER, HIS FATHER, THEY LOSE THEIR LIVES.
WHO WAS IT THAT TOOK THE LIVES OF TWO OF YOUR--
SOME DUDE OUT THERE.
AT THE TIME, I WAS-- I WAS BLIND.
AND I SAID, NO, I'M GONNA MAKE EVERYONE PAY.
THAT'S WHEN I SAID I'M GOING TO JUST START KILLING, YOU KNOW?
WATCH.
THE SWORD IS SHARP.
LOOK, RAZOR-SHARP.
AND BENJI KEPT SAYING, "BUT, CHARLIE,
THAT'S NOT THE WAY," I SAID, "I DON'T CARE.
AT THE MOMENT, I DON'T CARE."
MY BUSINESS AT THE POINT
WAS TO QUELL DOWN THE ANGER THAT WAS COMING UP.
HE SAID, "LET'S GO SEE GWENDOLYN."
THAT'S CORNELL'S MOTHER.
LET'S GO SEE HER, SHOW RESPECT.
I SAID, "WHEN I WALK IN THERE AND TELL HER
I'VE CALLED NEW JERSEY, I'VE CALLED CONNECTICUT,
I'VE CALLED ALL THE BOROUGHS, I'VE CALLED EVERYBODY--
I'VE GOT AN ARMY OUTSIDE."
I WALKED IN LIKE A MOTHER FUCKING COCK
READY TO FIGHT, SPURS GLEAMING.
I STRUTTED OVER.
I KISSED HER.
I SAID, "MOM," I SAID, "I'VE GOT AN ARMY OUTSIDE."
AND SHE SAID, "CHARLIE, MY SON DIED FOR PEACE."
SAID, "GOD DAMN."
I LOOKED AT HIS MOTHER.
SHE DIDN'T WANT TO SEE OTHER CHILDREN DIE.
IT JUST CONFIRMED WHAT I SAID, YOU KNOW?
SO HE UNDERSTOOD AFTER WHAT SHE-- "PLEASE."
YOU KNOW, CHARLIE, THAT COULD BE OUR MOMS, MAN.
THAT'S AN OMEN.
IT'S YOUR MOTHER TALKING.
SHE'S MY MAMI TALKING TO YOU.
"MY SON DIED FOR PEACE, CHARLIE."
I WALKED BACK TO THE STOREFRONT.
STOREFRONT WAS LIKE THIS WITH MEDIA,
CAMERAS WAITING FOR ME TO SAY THAT THE BRONX
WAS GONNA BE BATHED IN BLOOD.
WE COULD HAVE GONE IN THE CHRONICLES OF NEW YORK
TO BE THE MOST NOTORIOUS GANG.
WE EVEN ALLOWED OUR INFLUENCE
TO USE ALL THESE GANGS TO DO OUR BIDDING.
ALL THEY WERE WAITING WAS THIS, LIKE THE ROMAN EMPIRE.
ALL THE GANGS WERE THERE AT 174TH.
THEY WERE WAITING FOR THE BIG WAR.
WE SAID, NO, WE'RE NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING.
I SAID, "BROTHERS, DON'T YOU KNOW THIS?
LOOK AT THESE NEWSPAPER PEOPLE.
LOOK!
AS SOON AS I SAID NO, THEY STOPPED WRITING.
THIS IS WHAT THEY WANT TO SEE.
THEY WANT TO TELL THE WORLD
THAT WE'RE A BUNCH OF SAVAGES, THAT WE'RE KILLERS!
WE'RE NOT GONNA GIVE YOU THE SATISFACTION.
SEND OUR MESSAGE-- HANDS DOWN, NO WAR!"
NO, WE AIN'T DOING NOBODY.
GOTTA FIGURE OUT HOW WE'RE GONNA DO THIS.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A PEACE TREATY.
WORDOFTHEMURDERANDFEAROF REPRISALSPREADLIKEWILDFIRE.
ATTHEINSISTENCE OFTHEGHETTOBROTHERS,
REPRESENTATIVESOFOVER40 OFTHECITY'S
MOSTNOTORIOUSGANGS METATTHEHOE AVENUE
BOYS'CLUBIN THEBRONX.
SO I GOT THEM WHILE THEY WERE STILL IN REVENGE MODE.
THEY WANTED TO SEE WAR AND BLOOD.
I SAID THIS IS THE TIME TO DO IT, RIGHT NOW.
SAID, "LISTEN, THIS IS WHAT'S GOING ON.
THEY KILLED MY BROTHER BENJI." "WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO?"
I SAID, "I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO ANYTHING.
I WANT YOU TO COME TO A PEACE TREATY."
"I DON'T DO PEACE."
I SAID, "WELL, YOU'RE GONNA DO PEACE NOW, BRO."
I SAID, "YOU DO PEACE OR WE'RE GONNA TAKE YOU OUT."
"WHO'S YOU?"
"I'M THE SPADES. 
I'M THE SKULLS.
I'M THE NOMADS."
AND I TO STARTED RUNNING IT OFF,
EVERYONE THAT SAID THAT THEY'D STAND BEHIND ME.
THIS IS HOE AVENUE.
THIS IS THE SPOT, MADISON SQUARE BOYS' CLUB,
HERE WHERE HISTORY WAS MADE.
IT WAS HERE THAT THE GANGS GOT TOGETHER
TO HAVE THE BIGGEST PEACE TREATY IN THE HISTORY OF THE BRONX.
PRESIDENT YOUNG SINNERS.
VICE PRESIDENT OF THE YOUNG SINNERS.
VICE PRESIDENT OF YOUNG SAINTS.
PRESIDENT OF YOUNG COBRAS.
WAR COUNCIL OF YOUNG SAINTS.
IT WAS FANTASTIC HOW IT ALL HAPPENED,
AND THEY JUST SENT JUST THEIR MAIN LEADERS.
COME ON, IT WAS TOO MANY GUYS.
SO IT WAS ALL THE LEADERS THAT WERE THERE.
AT THE TREATY, I WAS A YOUNG PERSON
SITTING IN THE BACKGROUND LISTENING TO MY HEAD LEADERS
TALKING WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.
BASICALLY IT WAS JUST LIKE THE MOVIE "THE WARRIORS."
EVERYBODY WAS TENSE BECAUSE NOBODY KNEW
WHEN IT WAS GONNA JUMP OFF, BUT IT WENT WELL, THOUGH.
AFTER WHILE, EVERYBODY STARTED TALKING.
EVERYBODY CALMED DOWN AND JUST GOT INTO,
YOU KNOW, WHAT THE PURPOSE WAS, AND IT TURNED OUT GOOD.
PEOPLE WERE JUST BRINGING OUT ATONEMENT
TO SAY, YOU KNOW, COME ON, LET'S SLOW THIS THING DOWN.
LET'S BRING THIS PEACE TREATY INTO PLAY.
ONEBYONE,GANGLEADERS STATEDTHEIRGRIEVANCES
WITH THE INTENTION OF SQUASHING PRIORBEEFSONCEAND FOR ALL .
WHEN WE HAVE STATIC, MAN, WE SELL OUT AMONG OURSELVES,
MAN, BECAUSE, WOW, WE GOT TO LIVE IN THIS DISTRICT.
THE WHITEY DON'T COME DOWN HERE, MAN,
AND LIVE IN THE FUCKED-UP HOUSES, MAN.
THE WHITEY DON'T COME DOWN HERE, MAN, AND HAVE
ALL THE FUCKED-UP NO HEAT IN THE FUCKING WINTERTIME.
WE DO, JACK, SO THEREFORE, LIKE, WOW,
WE GOT TO MAKE IT A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE, YOU UNDERSTAND?
THE IDEA OF THE MEETING WAS TO EXPOSE THE ONES
WHO MURDERED BLACK BENJI.
NOW IN THOSE DAYS, YOU CAN'T SAY, "YOU DO IT."
WE DIDN'T SAY THAT, BUT IF YOU SAW THAT FILM,
YOU LOOK AT THE GUYS THAT WERE SITTING IN FRONT,
THOSE ARE ALL THE GUYS THAT MURDERED MY BOY.
AND I'M LOOKING AT THEM.
I SAY, "YO, MY BROTHERS, MAN."
ONE OF THE GUYS, A PRESIDENT OF THE CLUB, CAME UP TO ME,
"BENJY, I DON'T WANT TO DIE.
PLEASE, I DON'T WANT TO DIE."
"YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE, MY BROTHER."
SEE, THAT'S POWER.
YOU DON'T WANT US TO BECOME A GANG AGAIN, RIGHT?
BECAUSE I KNOW YOU.
YOU WAS UP IN THE MEETING.
AND YOU TOLD ME, "BENJY, I WANT TO GET OUT ALIVE."
DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT?
"BENJY, I WANT TO GET OUT ALIVE."
THAT'S WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
YOU'RE GONNA GET OUT ALIVE.
BENJI DIDN'T GET OUT ALIVE.
THE THING IS WE'RE NOT A GANG ANYMORE.
WE'RE AN ORGANIZATION.
WE WANT TO HELP BLACK AND PUERTO RICANS
TO LIVE IN A BETTER ENVIRONMENT.
ATTHEENDOF THISHISTORICSUMMIT,
ANINTER-GANGPEACETREATY WASSIGNED
BYEVERYATTENDINGLEADER.
THISMOMENTOUSTURNINGPOINT
GAVETHEFIRSTREALPROMISE OFTHELONGNEEDEDPEACE
THESYSTEM HADFAILEDTO PRODUCE.
PEACE AFTER THE TREATY CAME INSTANTANEOUS.
THE FOLLOWING DAY, THE DAY AFTERWARDS,
YOU DIDN'T FEEL THE HOSTILITY
YOU DID PRIOR TO BLACK BENJI'S DEATH.
THINGS WERE JUST WANING DOWN.
IT MEANT PEOPLE WAS TRYING TO BRING
A DIFFERENT TYPE OF VIBRATION, FREQUENCY TO THEIR COMMUNITY.
A DEFINITE ATTITUDE SHIFT.
A LOT OF THE PEOPLE THAT WERE AT THE MEETING,
THEY DECIDED, HEY, YOU KNOW, WE'RE JUST KILLING OURSELVES.
WE'RE HURTING OUR OWN NEIGHBORHOODS.
WE BETTER PUT A STOP TO THIS.
WARS HAD STOPPED.
IT WAS HERE AND THERE, BUT WARS HAD STOPPED.
IT WAS DEFINITELY A DIFFERENT LIFESTYLE
WHERE WHEN WE GANG BUSTED, WE STOOD IN THE SAME SPOT.
WE STOOD IN THE SAME AREA.
WE COULDN'T GO THAT WAY.
WE COULDN'T GO THIS WAY.
WE COULDN'T GO THAT WAY.
ONCE THE PEACE TREATY HAPPENED,
PEOPLE WAS BEING INVITED IN AREAS
WHERE THEY USED TO NEVER EVEN STEPPED INTO THAT AREA.
PEOPLE WOULD GO TO CERTAIN PARTIES
THAT YOU WOULD NEVER EVEN STEP IN THAT PARTY
OR YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN.
WE'RE HAVING HOUSE JAMS.
WE'RE HAVING BASEMENT PARTIES.
IT WAS DIFFERENT.
NOW WE'RE ABLE TO GO HERE, GO THERE,
MEET MORE PEOPLE, UNITE WITH PEOPLE.
PEACEFULBLOCKPARTIESHOSTED BYTHEGHETTOBROTHERS
ANDOTHERLOCALGANGS BEGANTOMULTIPLY,
HELPINGTODISSOLVE THEINVISIBLETURFBOUNDARIES
THATHADDOMINATED FORYEARSPRIOR.
HERE'S WHERE THE WHOLE THING STARTED TO CHANGE.
WE INVITED MANY GANG MEMBERS.
"GUYS, IF YOU GUYS HAVEN'T BEEN TO A PARTY,
WHY DON'T YOU COME OUT?
GONNA HAVE A PARTY.
WE'RE GONNA PLAY OUT THERE." AND THEY WOULD INVITE OTHER GANG MEMBERS
TO HAVE JAM SESSIONS WITH THEM.
ALL OVER THE CITY, YOU WERE INVITED
TO COME TO THESE JAM SESSIONS AND JAM WITH THEM.
YOU CAN BRING YOUR INSTRUMENT.
YOU COULD, YOU KNOW, DO WHATEVER IT IS YOU DO.
THIS IS THE FAMOUS 163RD ST.
THIS WAS GHETTO BROTHERS CITY.
ALL THE PEOPLE CAME DOWN HERE TO HEAR THE GHETTO BROTHERS.
EVERY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY, WE WOULD GONNA HAVE A PARTY.
YOU HAD GANGS FROM DIFFERENT AREAS
TO DOWN COME DOWN AND CHECK US OUT.
THIS BLOCK WAS LITERALLY FULL WITH PEOPLE.
THEY WOULD CALL OUT BIG PARTIES.
YOU'D SEE LIKE 100 TO 200 GUYS HANGING OUT.
IT WAS MASSIVE.
SCARY, TOO.
WHEN THE GHETTO BROTHERS HAD THE PARTIES,
THEY ALL MINGLED.
EVERYBODY MINGLED--
SAVAGE SKULLS, BLACK SPADES, THE TURBANS,
EVERYBODY BECAUSE WE WERE HAVING A GOOD TIME.
PEOPLE WERE DANCING,
AND YOU SAW TURBANS, AND YOU SAW SKULLS.
WHAT WAS THE COMMON THING?
I SAID, "LOOK, I PUT THE FLAGS UP THERE."
THEY'D SEE THE PUERTO RICAN FLAG.
THEY'D SEE THE BLACK LIBERATION FLAG.
"SEE, BROTHERS?
THIS IS US, MAN.
IT'S ABOUT DROPPING THE ATTITUDE.
WE'RE ALL ONE PEOPLE HERE."
IT'S ALMOST LIKE A...
A RELIEF,
YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THE CHAOS IN THE STREETS AND THE MAYHEM
AND EVERYTHING THAT WAS GOING ON,
THIS WAS KIND OF LIKE A BREATHER TO SAY--
YOU KNOW, FINALLY, SOME PEACE.
YOU SEE, WHEN YOU SAW THAT FRIENDLY ATTITUDE THERE,
THEY BROUGHT THAT BACK TO THEIR CLUB, YOU UNDERSTAND?
SO EVERY FRIDAY, THEY WERE LOOKING FORWARD
TO GETTING BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.
ONE OF THE THINGS THE GHETTO BROTHERS
MADE US REALIZE-- I'LL PUT IT VERY SIMPLY--
SELF-WORTH.
WHEN YOU-- WHETHER IT BE A GUITAR
OR A SAXOPHONE OR AN INSTRUMENT OR A BONGO,
WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU CAN DO TO ADD TO THE FLAVOR
OF WHAT WAS GOING ON, IT KIND OF GAVE YOU A REVELATION
THAT, HEY, I CAN ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING BESIDES,
YOU KNOW, STOMPING SOMEBODY'S BRAINS OUT.
I CAN ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING BESIDES STABBING OR SHOOTING
OR BESIDES THIS OTHER STUFF WE'VE BEEN DOING.
THERE'S SOMETHING INSIDE OF ME THAT'S POSITIVE.
INTHEYEARSTHATFOLLOWED, OUTLAWGANGS
TRANSFORMEDINTODJ CREWS.
AMAJORSHIFTINATTITUDE MADEWAY
FORTHISEMERGINGCULTURE
THATWASTAKINGHOLD OFTHEYOUTHINTHEBRONX .
I ALWAYS THOUGHT THERE WAS A CONNECTION
BETWEEN GANG CULTURE AND HIP-HOP
BECAUSE FROM WHAT I LEARNED THAT EITHER YOU WAS A DJ,
AN MC, A BREAK DANCER, OR A GRAFFITI ARTIST,
ONCE UPON A TIME,
ONE OF THEM MEMBERS WAS PART OF A GANG.
NOW YOU CAN EXPRESS YOURSELF AND SHOW WHAT IS IT
THAT YOU HAVE ON THE OTHER SIDE FROM WHAT YOU USED TO BE.
SO WE SAW THE TRANSLATION BETWEEN THE VIOLENT ATTITUDE
TO SOMETHING POSITIVE, BUT AT THE SAME TIME,
YOU SEE THE INTIMIDATION.
COMPETITION IS ALWAYS AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE.
THE BATTLE WHEN THEY BATTLE ON THE MIC,
WHEN THEY COMPETE AGAINST EACH OTHER,
THEY'RE BATTLING, WHEN THEY'RE DANCING
AGAINST EACH OTHER, THEY'RE BATTLING.
IT WAS MORE LIKE CHALLENGING TO DANCE NOW
AND NOT TO FIGHT,
AND WHOEVER COULD DANCE THE BEST WON THE FIGHT.
COLORS WERE STARTING TO COME OFF, AND LITTLE BY LITTLE,
THAT'S WHEN THE MUSIC STARTED TO COME INTO THE DEAL.
WHEN THE GANG SCENE STARTED FADING DOWN,
IT WAS THE DJs WHO STARTED BECOMING THE STARS
IN THE COMMUNITY, THE LEADERS IN THE COMMUNITY.
THEBRONX'SOWNDJKOOL HERC ,
CONSIDEREDTHEFOUNDINGFATHER OFHIP-HOP,
PLAYEDA CRUCIALROLE INREDIRECTINGGANGENERGY
INTOTHISNEW ANDGROWINGMOVEMENT.
HERC HAD THE RIGHT TIMING OF PRESENTING SOMETHING.
THE SAME PEOPLE THAT WAS INVOLVED WITH GANGS,
THEY FELT THAT THEY WANT TO BE RELIEVED.
THEY WANT TO HAVE SOME OF THIS DANCE.
HERC TOOK IT UPON HIMSELF TO BECOME THEIR NEW PIED PIPER.
IT WAS LIKE, HEY, THIS IS WHAT WE WANT TO HEAR,
AND WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT WAS BEING PLAYED ON THE RADIO,
WHAT WAS BEING PLAYED IN THE CLUBS.
WE WERE TRYING TO REACH OUT FOR THE BEATS,
THAT RAW ESSENCE, HEAVY DRUMS.
HERC STARTED SOMETHING HIS ENEMIES DIDN'T WANT TO STOP.
IT CAME IN THE FORM OF MUSIC.
THEY GRAVITATE TO THIS.
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT IS THEIRS.
THAT HADN'T COME IN A LONG TIME.
THEY DIDN'T WORRY IF YOU WERE BLACK, YOU'RE WHITE.
GOT THIS COMMON THING RIGHT HERE.
HE WAS GOD.
HE DIDN'T--
HERC DIDN'T COME OUT WITH NO LITTLE TINKER TOY SPEAKERS.
HERC CAME OUT WITH THE BIG BOYS.
SEE, I GOT SOME BIG BOYS BEHIND ME RIGHT NOW.
HERC CAME OUT WITH THE BIG BOYS!
LATER ON, SOME OF THESE PEOPLE THAT WAS COMING
TO ALL HIS PARTIES TURN OUT TO BE DJs--
FLASH, GRAND MASTER CAZ,
MEAN GENE, REMEMBER THE L BROTHERS,
STARTED SEEING AJ, THE L BROTHERS WITH THEODORE,
BREAKOUT, BARON, BAM.
THEREWASNO CLOSERCONNECTION BETWEENTHEGANGSOFTHEBRONX 
ANDTHISBUDDING HIP-HOPMOVEMENT
THANAFRIKABAMBAATAA,
WHOHADPERSONALLYTAKENIT UPONHIMSELF
TOCONVERT THEFEARSOMEBLACKSPADES
INTOTHEZULUNATION.
THISWASTHEFIRST WORLDWIDEFORCE
TOPROMOTEPOSITIVITY THROUGHMUSIC.
WHEN I STARTED THE UNIVERSAL ZULU NATION,
I ALREADY HAD AN ARMY OF STREET GANGS THAT WAS WITH ME.
I HAD A LOT OF PULL AND POWER,
SO IF I WAS WITH THE BLACK SPADES,
I MIGHT GO AND HANG WITH THE NOMADS
AND SOME OF THE JAVELINS AND SOME OF THE GROUPS
THAT MIGHT NOT EVEN LIKE EACH OTHER.
I HAD A TYPE OF PERSUASION
WITH MANY OF THE OTHER LEADERS IN GROUPS.
BAMBAATAA HAD GREAT INFLUENCE AMONGST SO MANY PEOPLE.
THEY BELIEVED IN HIM, AND IF YOU WAS A PERSON
THAT COME FROM BRONX RIVER OR WITHIN THE SOUNDVIEW SECTION,
EVERYBODY WAS COMING TO THEIR PARTIES.
AND HE ACCEPTED YOU.
HE DIDN'T PUT YOU DOWN.
IT TOOK A LOT OF WORK, TOOK A LOT OF SPEAKING,
A LOT OF TEACHING, A LOT OF ORGANIZING,
SPEAKING TO THE BROTHERS AND SISTERS
TO GET AWAY FROM THAT CERTAIN MENTALITY.
THE PURPOSE OF THE ZULU NATION AT THAT TIME
WAS TO SHOW THAT WE CAN TURN OURSELF AROUND
FROM NEGATIVE TO POSITIVE,
AND WE WAS DOING THAT THROUGH MUSIC.
OUR SLOGAN BECAME "PEACE, UNITY, LOVE, AND HAVING FUN."
LOT OF ZULU NATION RUNNING IN MONROE NOW.
YEAH.
A LOT OF ZULU NATION IN MONROE AND STEVENSON
AND IN ALL THESE HOUSING DEVELOPMENT PROJECTS.
SOON, THE ZULU NATION GONNA TAKE OVER THE WORLD.
IS THE BRONX IN THE HOUSE?
!
IS EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE?
!
HIT IT!
ARE WE GONNA GET LOOSE IN HERE?
!
SAY Z-U-L-U!
- THAT'S THE WAY TO SAY...
- ZULU!
Z-U-L-U!
- THAT'S THE WAY TO SAY...
- ZULU!
ANOTHER THING THAT IS NOT MENTIONED
IS A STYLE CHANGE HAPPENED.
LIKE, IT WASN'T JUST BREAK DANCING, GRAFFITI, MC, DJ.
A FIFTH THING INCLUDED WAS STYLE.
YOU HAD TO NOW HAVE STYLE.
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO WALK AROUND WITH DIRTY CLOTHES ANYMORE
OR, YOU KNOW, THE PATCHES ON THEIR BACK
BECAUSE THAT WASN'T ATTRACTING
THE TYPE OF GIRLS THAT THEY WANTED.
IT WAS JUST A WHOLE MINDSET CHANGE.
WELL, LET ME TALK ABOUT GIRLS
BECAUSE I THINK WOMEN PLAYED A BIG PART IN IT
BECAUSE THERE WAS ALWAYS GIRLS AROUND.
EVEN THE BLACK SPADES HAD THEIR GIRLS.
EVERYBODY HAD THEIR GIRLS, SO BASICALLY,
ONCE YOU COULD TALK TO THE GIRLS,
THEN YOU KNEW IT WAS SAFE.
SO IT KIND OF LIKE OPENED UP A WHOLE NEW AREA
OF SOUTH BRONX FOR US WHEN YOU CAN TALK TO GIRLS
THAT YOU COULDN'T TALK TO BEFORE.
THAT'S A BIG DEAL.
OH, YOU CAN TALK TO THIS PUERTO RICAN GIRL NOW.
'CAUSE YOU COULDN'T TALK TO A PUERTO RICAN GIRL BACK THEN,
NOT AND BE BLACK IN THE SOUTH BRONX AND LIVE.
IT WASN'T HAPPENING.
WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WE WAS CREATING ANYTHING.
WE JUST WANTED TO HAVE SOMETHING THAT WAS HOURS.
MUSIC CALMS THE SAVAGE BEAST.
WE WOULD BE THE PIED PIPERS, JUST CALM THE STORM.
MUSIC HAD DEFINITELY CALMED THE SAVAGE BEAST
BECAUSE HOW MANY TIMES
YOU MAY BE IN THE MOTION OF SOMETHING THAT FEELS SO TENSE
AND YOU JUST HIT THAT ONE TUNE,
AND IT WOULD RELIEVE EVERYBODY.
I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WHOEVER SEES THIS
KNOWS THAT WE HAVE GROWN, AND, YES,
THERE WAS A LOT OF NEGATIVE, AND A LOT OF SHIT HAPPENED,
BUT A LOT OF US OWN HOMES, FANCY CARS,
TWO AND THREE HIKES, HAVE GOOD-PAYING JOBS.
AND I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WHOEVER SEES THIS
KNOWS THAT THERE IS HOPE, THAT WE COULD DO THIS,
AND IT COULD BE POSITIVE.
THEY SAY HISTORY IS NOT MADE BY INDIVIDUALS.
I DISAGREE.
I THINK IT'S A CONFLUENCE OF FACTORS.
IT'S THE SOCIAL CONTEXT OF THE TIME,
THE ECONOMIC CONTEXT OF THE TIME,
AND THE INDIVIDUAL DREAM.
WHAT WAS SO POWERFUL ABOUT OUR GENERATION
IS WE CAUSED MOVEMENT.
WE HAD TO TAKE FROM NOTHING AND MAKE SOMETHING.
I BELIEVE THAT WE WERE MAKING A STATEMENT TO SOCIETY,
SO TO SPEAK, THAT HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT US,
THAT WE HAVE WORTH BECAUSE WE DID HAVE BIG FUN.
EVEN THOUGH WE WERE POOR AND WE DIDN'T HAVE A LOT,
WE HAD FUN.
YOU KNOW, WE MADE A WAY TO HAVE FUN,
AND WE MADE A WAY TO FEEL LIKE WE COUNTED,
AND WE MADE A WAY TO SHOW THE WORLD
THAT WE ACTUALLY EXISTED.

The Bronx was like a world of its own.
In the early '70s, man, crime was like major income of the Bronx.
In the Bronx, it was a deep-rooted gang culture.
There were gangs literally on every corner.
The violence was everywhere.
You could feel the tension in the air.
You could see the fights across the street.
You could hear the shots in the nighttime.
It was that fateful day that I sent him to bring peace.
That was one of the worst days in South Bronx history.
The word on the street was that he was trying to make peace, and he was murdered trying to make peace.
Basically after that, the South Bronx, fort Apache was out of control.
They were running through the streets.
They were burning everything.
I mean, pandemonium hit.
I put out a bulletin, and I started calling all the ghetto brothers.
Charlie wanted to get the ghetto brothers to mobilize for the biggest bloodbath in the history of New York.
We lost a member.
They viciously murdered him out there in the street.
Now It's an eye for an eye.
The Bronx was gonna be bathed in blood.
How rumors spread, how news spread.
There was not a gang in the whole of New York that was not aware what's happening.
And it was like the movie "the warriors"
when the lady's on the radio telling everybody,
"hey, Boppers, you've got to make that move."
Let's get down to it, Boppers.
We're gonna a have to do better out there.
Everybody was tense because nobody knew when it was gonna jump off.
Remember that scene from "the warriors"...
"can you dig it"?
That really went down.
That really happened.
Can you dig it?
!
Can you dig it?
!
We moved up to the South Bronx in 1963 from Greenwich village to the South Bronx.
It was a completely different world.
The buildings were beautiful, very spacious.
The blocks were wide.
There were still Jews living there at the time, pockets of Italians and Irish still lived in the community.
The South Bronx at the time was fantastic.
It was just a completely different world.
It was a world of discovery.
In those days, I didn't like the idea of joining a gang.
I started my own thing.
When I started the ghetto brothers, originally it wasn't supposed to be a gang.
It wasn't supposed to be an organization.
It was a brother thing.
It was basically my brothers and I.
We lived in Manhattan, we moved to the Bronx, and those days, it was the ghetto.
So we were ghetto brothers.
Who were ghetto brothers?
Robin, Benjy, Victor, those were the ghetto brothers, my brothers, okay?
Then later on, since I knew a lot of the kids in the community, I was very friendly,
I was amicable, everybody got along with me, so I said, you know, let's expand this.
I met Charlie at 150th St. And trinity Avenue.
I was with my friend Raymond.
He was like a brother.
We grew up together, and we saw this guy taking a wood thing and going... bah!
And breaking it. 
I said wow.
I found that amazing because I was into the martial arts.
And I said, "that is fantastic I wanna make friends with him."
That was me.
"I want to make friends with this guy."
I walk up T him, and I said, "hi, my name is Benjy."
It's 1960-something.
I only know they rob, they steal.
Nobody's gonna rob me.
So I prepare.
I'm ready to take this guy on.
"I just want to shake your hand."
That's Charlie.
I said, okay, the moment he moves, his ass is mine.
But he's standing there with his hand out, and he starts telling me about there's a few guys that study martial arts that he's been watching, and he can imagine that I'm a pretty good martial artist.
"And we sat down, he said what's your style?"
I Says, "I'm Goju. 
Talk to me."
And we just talked and talked and talked.
I stick out my hand, I put my hand in his, and the ghetto brothers are one.
The '60s were a time of worldwide social and cultural reckoning.
With movements demanding change spreading across the college campuses and the front lines of America's ghettos, it truly felt like the seeds for a full-blown revolution were being sown.
So we thought this revolution was gonna happen.
We knew that this was the end of the world order.
We thought revolution was possible.
For the first time, we had a multicultural movement.
For me, it reconfirmed in a strange way my faith in America.
But as the '60s came to a close, the Vietnam war and racism continue to erode America's soul and fade all optimism.
A systematic backlash against organizations like the black panthers coupled with the assassinations of nearly every iconic figure of hope left a new generation with nothing more than unfocused rage.
They killed the king.
And then they killed Kennedy.
My heroes died in the '60s.
The hope is deflated.
I was so mad at America.
I was pissed.
Heard of the troubled '60s?
Well, the troubled '60s give rise to the violent '70s.
"I have a dream."
No, you don't.
"My people!
We will overcome!"
Boom, no, you're not gonna overcome.
You ain't getting nobody out of this fucking ghetto.
Remember the '60s?
Hey!
Peace!
Now it was peace.
America's unrest was reflected locally as New York City struggled under the weight of its own mounting crises.
A failed vision of urban renewal pushed all but the city's wealthiest to the brink and a new pessimism and desperation made its home in its streets.
Here was this great city, the international capital of commerce and culture and communications and finance, and it was on its knees asking, begging for help.
The city was on the edge of bankruptcy.
All through the '70s remember, industries were departing.
Jobs were disappearing.
If there was a safety net before, the federal government was basically not just ceasing to protect it but cutting holes in it.
Despite the city's financial troubles, in 1970,
New York's cultural scene was as vibrant as ever, construction of the world trade center would soon be complete, and the New York Knicks would win their first championship.
However, only four Miles away, due to reckless urban planning, the district of the South Bronx was rapidly becoming a symbol of urban decay around the world.
When we were young, we remember Robert Moses.
I remember the teacher talked about a guy who was fixing up the area.
They were saying they were renovating the area.
Buildings are being taken out of commission.
Hey, gotta go.
We're gonna build this highway over here.
The cross Bronx expressway at one time, that whole area was nothing but houses, beautiful houses.
He takes a wonderful borough that's made up of ployglot...
I mean, everybody was there,
Ralph Lauren comes from there...
and he cuts across, he cuts a huge swath, literally destroying the neighborhoods.
This is amazing.
I mean, It's amazingly creative even though it was also humanly destructive that he thought the shortest distance between two points is a line even If there are houses and people, you know, in the way of the line.
And that's when things started to go down.
The economy, the store owners, everybody just took off.
You see a quiet white flight where everybody was migrating, you know, from the concourse up to, you know, Nyack, white plains.
"Come on up, pops, come on up.
"You can't stay down here no more," you know?
The rich move out to their second and third homes.
The middle class is not far behind, and left will be the poor who require enormous services and who will suffer.
The South Bronx.
It has all the superlatives...
highest crime, poorest people, greatest unemployment, worst blight, and the world's record for arson.
In just 10 years, more than 30,000 buildings have been set ablaze and abandoned here.
You got rats, bugs, no heat, no water.
It was terrible, terrible.
It's like another domino effect here.
Then you see the burnings start.
The landlord wouldn't provide services, and the people had to ultimately move out, and then the landlord burned the building down and got the insurance.
You know, having buildings torched was the norm.
The Bronx was like a world of its own.
The Bronx to us was a whole world.
Well, this morning on our way into work, we had a report that the police had located a carcass in the street on 172nd and Bryant.
Turned out to be a stripped carcass of a gorilla.
It was headless, and the fur was removed, the skin was removed.
South Bronx.
It was just a feeling of hopelessness.
It wasn't like murder was hidden.
You know, murder was very rampant.
The number of homicides about quadrupled from 1960 to 1971.
There was crime from, like, the crooked politicians to the crooked cops.
In the early '70s, man, crime was like... crime was like the major income of the Bronx.
There was lines of people wrapped around the corner just waiting to buy a bundle or a couple of bags of dope.
When the cops drive up and down, it was like a total pharmacy drugstore.
When it got virulent, people got into it.
It's almost as If they wanted to die, and so they got into heroin because there was no dream.
All this stuff was happening.
It was too much for anybody to understand, but one of the byproducts was a lot of kids out on the street and a lot of locations that would have been alternatives to the street ceasing to exist.
The system had totally let us down.
They let us do what we wanted to do.
We deal with whatever we deal with.
They deal with it in their own manner.
At the police department was beating on us like they had a permission card.
It was just total chaos.
There was nothing for us here.
So we turned to each other and said, you know, let's do something for ourselves.
Basically, that was it.
Every gang was for themselves back then.
We had nobody looking out for us, so it was us.
It was the brotherhood, it was the gang, and that's it.
Out of the rubble and chaos of the city, a new breed of outlaw street gangs arose, transforming the urban wasteland to a dark and dangerous playground.
Police estimated gang membership in the tens of thousands, and these new outlaws maintained a firm grip on New York City's streets.
The mentality of the gangs that came out of the '70s was very violent.
The street gangs that was coming out in the late '60s, early '70s was more what you could say savage and outlaw.
These guys kicked you and cursed you and spit on you and urinated on you, and then showed you, "this is who did it."
Weren't you charged with shooting a policeman?
Yeah, last time I got busted, they told me, "we gonna catch you one of these nights", and we're gonna kill you." Some people would say they'd be very worried If somebody told them that.
Why don't you?
Because, you know, If I'm gonna die, you know, let it happen now than later.
It was all about power.
I ain't got a pops.
My moms ain't gonna tell me what to do.
I have all this anger.
I'm gonna grab all these guys, and they're gonna do my bidding.
So whatever I want that lacked in my life,
I'm gonna get it right now.
It wasn't like you had a choice.
Whatever gang ran the block, you had to be a part of it.
There was no civilians.
You had to be in it or you were a victim.
On the outside looking in, it looked really good.
We're fighting all the time.
We didn't take any bullshit from anybody.
We pretty much did whatever we wanted.
There was nothing to look forward to.
This was our life.
We lived for each other.
We lived and died for each other.
We bled for each other.
Whether you was right or wrong, it didn't matter.
In the steel and concrete jungle of the big city, a tribal group survives, the one-percenters.
These are the motorcycle freaks.
They get a charge out of spooking the citizens in a straight neighborhood.
They live in a different world, in a strange cop-out world of their own making.
With a kick pedal and a boot, they work off their frustrations on the maddened street.
Everybody wanted to be the giant that everyone's afraid of.
Everybody wanted to be the hells angel.
Everybody wanted to be the guy on the roaring machine.
Real hard-core motorcycle, you know, outlaw culture adapted to the streets of New York.
We had pretty much accepted it.
Puerto Ricans in general and blacks, they're like,
"fuck it," you know what I mean?
"We're gonna fuck everything, you know?"
Because of the anger that we had towards the system, we figure, "well, fuck it, we can do that, too."
You know, they were raising hell, and we figure we could raise hell because we had something to raise hell against.
As much as America thinks we're not watching it, we are watching it, and we're imitating it.
And so what you see with the retention of some of the garb, the biker garb, what you see is Americana, but It's an outlaw Americana.
They don't want to be Mr. wasp, but they can see themselves as hells angels.
And, yeah, we had the swastikas and everything because they had the swastikas and everything.
We tried to emulate them as much as possible, and as they wanted to shock society, we wanted to shock society.
So we just wanted to be as repulsive and repugnant as possible.
We put the colors on the floor.
The guys surround the colors.
Everybody takes out their penis and starts leaking on the jacket, and then If you're lucky, the guy vomits.
Then you take your jacket...
Put it on, wha!
That's an outlaw.
And not even flies will want to hang around you!
The patches are the family's coat of arms.
The colors is your shield.
Most of the gangs of yesteryear wasn't nervous to say who they were.
So If you was a skull, a spade, a reaper, a turban, you would wear with honor on your back of who you was.
Supreme enchanters, you see that?
Javelins, you see?
Get a good look at it.
Gang culture street law Says, "this is our turf."
If you want to walk through our turf, this is like our nation.
In order to pass through our nation, you have to show respect and not fly your colors
"'cause this is our turf."
You walked into another turf and you didn't have their permission, you might lose your colors or you might lose your life.
I mean, you would walk certain places, they see you in a cut-off dungaree jacket, yo, they'd take it from you, stomp you out and stuff like that.
I mean, If you had M.C. Boots on, you weren't in the club, you're walking home barefoot.
If you could walk.
They'd just beat you up, take your colors, hang 'em up on a wall, that's how they used to do it.
Our conquered enemies.
Those are our conquered enemies right there.
Bachelors, encounters Bron...
enchanters Bronx, royal javelins, Latin eagles.
Girls had major roles because back then, there were no policewomen.
So we'd carry the guns, which was a big issue because If the cops stopped you, they'd tell the women,
"keep it moving," and they would search the guys.
The guys are beautiful.
We all get along.
We're calling each other you know?
That means respect.
We're brothers and sisters.
We got respect for each other.
Brothers and sisters.
We bore their babies.
We fought alongside them, not behind them or in front of them, although many of us did fight in front of them, but we were hand-in-hand.
Back then, to join a gang, you did have to go through initiations.
For every gang, the standard initiation is the Apache line.
The Apache line is something we used to test your mettle and your fighting skills and your heart.
People would set up on each side, and somebody would beat you with their fists.
Some gangs might even hit you with bats or sticks.
It's almost like going through rites of passage.
Other guys was jumping a cop.
We used to have to fight.
It wasn't a choice.
We had to fight.
But ours was different.
We didn't do the Apache line.
We had a 45.
As long as that record was playing, you had to fight three guys at the same time.
So we put grand funk rail road, you're gonna have to...
"all right, song's finished."
One day I looked at my brother Victor, said,
"Vic, I'm going to the store.
Take care of this.
I'll be right back." Go to the store.
Come back, he had an album.
"I said what the hell you doing with an album?
!"
"I just want to see the guys beat him up."
Supposed to be a 45.
He had an album on.
The poor guy got his jaw broken.
The skulls were the ultimate because their Apache line was a .32... one shell, spin, and pull the trigger.
From the Saigons of Harlem to the jolly stompers of Brooklyn, outlaw gangs followed a system of law and organization that was common despite their glaring differences.
The ranks in most gangs, there was only three levels.
There was the president, the vice president, and the warlord.
Your president, he had to have the charisma, and everybody would want to follow him.
There has to be someone you respect and someone you admire to give you a different perspective.
That person has to have not only the power of love but the ability to beat you down.
Vice president came in in case the president was ever killed.
And then you had the warlord, and the warlord was the person that either declared or stopped a war.
The warlord was the one who would go in and negotiate, to see If you're gonna go to war with just the hands, the bats, chains and knives, or the guns.
Some gangs had gestapo, and those with the guys that were in charge of inflicting punishment on their members.
They were like the police.
Like, you policed your own gang.
There you go, cool off.
The gestapo were like the real hard-core gang guys.
Like, they followed street law to the "T."
I represent gestapo in the savage nomads, which is a different squad.
I get one of my members where school's up but doesn't know how to behave on the street or talk to anybody like a human being the way he's supposed to, he comes to my little cell here.
Biggest gangs in Brooklyn from my time, known gangs, the dirty ones.
The dirty ones, they were the most famous.
We heard about the tomahawks out in Brooklyn.
Gangs like the assassinators, the Dukes.
And the homicides.
The majestics, sandpipers.
There were gangs literally in every corner.
Dynamite brothers were a big gang in the lower east side.
Towards the lower east side, you had the choccos.
You had the Harlem Turks.
You had the renegades of Harlem.
In those days, the meanest borough was the Bronx.
You came from the Bronx, you was bad.
It all started up in the Bronx.
In the Bronx, it was a deep-rooted gang culture, okay?
They lived it.
There was 101 gangs in the Bronx, so take your pick.
Black assassins, peacemakers.
Roman kings.
Young kids, deadly.
You see them, they're little kids.
You look at them wrong, they're gonna shoot you.
The turbans, the javelins, reapers.
Seven immortals.
Turbans.
Turbans.
Ex-veterans from Vietnam.
These guys didn't have guns.
They had rifles.
Bachelors was... there were big.
One of the biggest gangs in the Bronx... black spades.
Black spades had a division in every area they had a police department.
Black spades, you could count them because when they came, like, they blackened, like, the whole street.
We had nothing but respect for them because they earned their respect.
The savage nomads.
These guys, once they put those colors on, remember doctor Jekyll and mister Hyde?
These guys turned mean.
Savage skulls.
Savage skulls was one of the most respected gangs that walked the streets.
There was gangs in the north Bronx also, and they were predominantly white gangs, right, and they was just as vicious as gangs in central Harlem and the South Bronx.
You had gangs like the war pigs, the aliens, white lightning, junior KKK, grateful dead, and these guys were like a lot of guys, right?
Famous... golden guineas.
Well, the golden guineas I would have to say, they were the baddest white boys on the block.
They weren't taking no crap from nobody as far as they were concerned, and we had to give them their respect.
181st, 182nd, and that was like the cut-off right there.
Yo, dude, If we went up to Fordham road, it was on.
We had guns, but we didn't have guns like they had guns.
These guys had transportation, they have the weaponry, you know, and they have the balls.
The golden guineas, now they had a reputation for cutting two gs into your face so that you know that you ran into the golden guineas.
Good evening.
I'm David Susskind.
First part of the show tonight are the emergence of the street gangs once again.
My guests are leaders and spokesmen for these gangs.
I want you to meet them now.
First, Benjy Melendez is a spokesman for the ghetto brothers.
Former marine Charlie Suarez is the president of the ghetto brothers.
With the black panthers and the young lords, the further you got in the '70s, the less influence they had on the younger generation, even the older generation.
The ghetto brothers was kind of like filling that void, but they still had that street cred.
We are being oppressed by the north American Yankee.
We the Puerto Ricans should rise up and defend ourselves against these dogs who will oppress us and liberate our country from capitalism and imperialism.
The north American is trying to steal our identity as Puerto Ricans and call us Americans.
We Puerto Ricans are Puerto Ricans to the day we are born until the day we die.
When the black panthers came into the scene, the young lords came into the scene, these groups went around talking to the gangs,
"stop the violence.
Let's direct all our energy this way."
Lot of the gangs didn't want to hear that.
The ghetto brothers took heat to that.
What we wanted them to do is understand that there was another vision of America, that they were killing themselves... that's what our intent was...
and that the neighborhoods that they were in were their neighborhoods.
We wanted them to feel ownership over those blocks.
There's a lot of clubs that help just their own friends and forget about other people who live around us, you know?
But we don't think like that. 
We like to help everybody.
I loved the ghetto brothers.
We honored them because they were... they seemed... to me, it seemed like they had enough courage to do something that we all really wanted to do but didn't have the courage to do it because you were known for your brutality in those days.
You weren't known for being a nice guy.
Ghetto brothers was definitely political minded, but they also, you know, didn't take no shit either.
It wasn't that they couldn't fight.
That was the South Bronx.
There's no not fighting.
So even If you're a nice guy, everybody had to fight.
If you saw them coming down the block, you know, okay, the ghetto brothers, they're cool.
They got a lot of kids off the street.
They got a lot of kids, man, like, going back into school. 
From what I understand, they did start helping the neighborhoods a lot.
So far, since I've been in the ghetto brothers, they have Dave me back my self-respect because I am an ex-junkie.
They was with me almost 24 hours a day.
I kicked cold.
More than eight or nine ghetto brothers in the organization that we got now are ex-junkies, and If you go right now to ghetto brothers headquarters, you don't see no junkies in that block no more.
The ghetto brothers started to grow and grow and grow and grow.
2,500 in the Bronx alone!
Then the ghetto brothers started to expand to Manhattan, Brooklyn, queens.
They knew how to articulate and use the media to actually let not just New York City but kind of let the United States know that, look, this is happening here in New York City, right?
I guess It's what the teenagers are gonna make it, right?
If we shoot dope, they're gonna be shooting dope when they get older, and If they see the ghetto brothers...
like my club is doing, that we are...
get ourselves together, we do something from the community, then they're gonna think that's what's hip.
We're in the ghetto.
Someone smashes a bottle.
Someone bends a can and tosses it.
Someone grabs a piece of paper and tosses it.
We're in the ghetto because we created the ghetto.
So we just said no more.
No more.
I started to think, I said it would be good to channel all this energy into doing something for our community.
Let's have a good time.
Let's get together.
Let's sweep the community.
Let's give out free food.
Let's give out clothes to this community because in those times, things were really bad.
I want people to say the ghetto brothers has done something.
I want my child to say when he grows up my father's done something for society, see?
And I want things to change because I don't want to be living in the South Bronx where everything is messed up.
Three names that always popped up...
Benjy, karate Charlie, and black Benji.
You know, I'm an ex-drug addict.
I'm not gonna lie about it.
When I came to them, I was still using drugs.
Due respect to them, and I went to kick.
I've been straight since, and I love ghetto brothers.
There's a purpose here.
It's something that's beneficial to the neighborhood, the establishment, and everybody else.
Black Benji, Benjamin Cornell was introduced to me by Charlie.
He said, "Benji wants to check out the ghetto brothers."
Sure.
I said, "would do you do?"
He said, "I work as a drug counselor."
Said, "very good.
That's very good."
So one day, kids were in the program, and the ghetto brothers club, I'm looking at them, and he sits down in a chair and he's talking to kids, and I saw they were on the floor telling them stories,
and I looked, I said, "that's wonderful."
And then he talks to the older people in my community.
He said, "man, there's something about this guy, I like that."
Charlie, come here.
I think we should stop the warlords and put a peacemaker, that's the man.
"Let's make them into a peace ambassador."
He became the third staff of the ghetto brothers.
You're gonna be the ambassador for peace.
What I knew about the ghetto brothers, the first thing was I heard a lot about karate Charlie.
Everybody kept hearing about this guy karate Charlie, right?
Guys in gangs, you had to have a karate something.
Like in this one gang, you had a karate Kenny.
I remember him.
Then you had a karate Joe nose.
We had a guy named karate Moe, but it was all because of everybody heard about this guy named karate Charlie.
The rep for him that we heard was that he was a bad dude.
He was into karate and stuff.
They were saying, Oh, he knocked a guy out by kicking him in the head, and it was like an urban legend almost.
Charlie was a warrior.
He lived like the Japanese Bushido.
You cross me, you cross my honor?
Yah! 
You're going down.
Remember, I just came out of the marine corps.
So what I wanted was a little marine corps.
Because he brought the military discipline to the ghetto brothers.
The ghetto brothers were not known for guns.
We were known for the hands.
Ghetto brothers were very good with hands and legs.
So Charlie was the instructor.
They called me karate Charlie, and they called the founder,
Benji Melendez, the preacher.
Charlie and I were brothers.
I mean, we were very close.
But we were two worlds.
Benji was a yin while I was a Yang, black and white, soft and hard, rain and shine...
we were the opposites.
The yin and Yang? 
That's true.
That's me and Charlie.
Charlie was... and I would say, "no, Charlie."
"Come on, Benjy!" "No, Charlie, come on."
Sometimes it was the other way around, too.
Charlie had to calm Benjy down.
You know, they kept each other, you know, at bay.
Yellow Benji, he was more of a peacemaker.
He was also trying to let people know, look, let's stop fighting amongst ourselves 'cause we're only hurting each other.
Let's fight the man.
Let's hurt him.
The enemy around the Bronx now at this very moment is the policeman.
Yes, this is a warrior thing.
Yes, it is.
And we're here to defend our brothers and sisters against people like them.
If you're gonna communicate, communicate, man.
If you're gonna strike us, we're gonna strike back.
Right on!
Beyond running the gang, yellow Benjy was also the leader of the ghetto brothers band, a unique and well-loved rock and Latin funk outfit.
The band and the gang were two separate entities.
The talent was definitely there.
It was definitely a Latin flavor.
It also showed what clubs could do.
If they took a different direction.
I tell my brothers, listen,
I notice that when you talk to people, some people will listen, some people don't.
But the idea of music, my brothers and I, music caters to all type of people.
So If you want to get a message, why don't we put it into song, watch them listen.
Then when we play the music, what we always wanted to say to them and you put it behind guitars is,
"yo, man, that's me, man.
I live that type of life.
What would be that song for you, my brother?"
I remember a lot of bongos.
I always, you know, remember bongo music.
If they were jamming up the street, you know, up the hill, you could hear the music.
When we played music, why don't we play a little rock here, a little Latin here, a little soul over here?
So you heard Beatles, sly and the family stone,
Santana, you heard all of that.
So every Friday, the gangs knew that we had music and a message.
In 1971 despite all efforts by social workers and specialized police units, gang violence had escalated to a fever pitch, plunging the streets into a state of continual war unlike anything the city had ever experienced before.
Drugs was a big factor in gangs going haywire, lust for power, lust for turf.
The wars with street gangs could start from something that could be just as silly as stepping on somebody's boots.
Wars could get started just from a rumor.
Territory was a big issue.
I had heard of some dudes just getting popped from running down the wrong block.
The garbage can is here.
If you go past that garbage can, although It's the same block in the same neighborhood, it could be a war.
The devil's rebels is fighting gang, and on this night, they found their first victims outside a corner grocery store.
What looks like child's play is not.
In the middle of all this, a young man was stabbed.
It was the thing about conquering.
You go to their turf, beat the hell out of these guys, and come back again and again until they were forced... either they break up or become part of the majority.
So they did it through barbarian style, warrior, vikings.
They tried to take over one of my divisions.
They didn't quite make it, and we killed two of they guys.
They tried to burn down my clubhouse.
We killed two of they guys, and five of they guys rolled up on one of the savage nomads.
Know what they told him?
"We gonna give you hell, baby.
"We gonna give you hell." And they didn't even kill him.
There were big gang wars between the savage skulls, black spades, between the savage skulls, the bachelors.
Back then, nobody had cell phones, but It's like drums...
you hear it.
You hear it all over the place.
You know, one way or another, you hear who's beating who.
The violence was everywhere.
You could see the fights across the street.
You could hear the shots in the nighttime.
What made life interesting in the South Bronx for these young guys was fighting, was killing.
"Yo, I killed a dude today." "What'd you do?"
"I stabbed him in the throat.
What'd you do, man?"
"Yo, I shot that dude." "I burned this guy."
You hear this, and this is every day.
It was a lawless time.
If somebody got killed on Hewitt place, their body stayed there.
An ambulance wouldn't dare come and pick that body up.
The police came in riot gear to take that body out there, and they didn't do an investigation.
They took that body out of there as quick as possible because they didn't want to get it.
There's no ambulance coming.
There are no ambulances, all right?
How long It's gonna take, man?
The '70s when the drug trade came in the city, that totally changed the whole vibe on how we rumble.
Now It's serious.
Now we're gonna start shooting at each other.
In the '70s, you had firepower.
You had some gangs with arsenals.
I've seen .357s.
I've seen 12-guage shotguns.
I've seen dynamite on the street.
I've seen all this.
You'd be surprised, man.
Pretty soon, they're gonna steal the damn atom bomb.
As the bloodshed continued, the ghetto brothers worked fervently to mediate peace amongst the ever-growing web of turf battles.
A lot of things was happening in the Bronx at the same time.
We felt the whole world was going through these changes.
I said this is getting out of hand.
You know, we were pretty much hurting fighting each other instead of going against the real enemy.
Benjy, he tried, man.
He tried to let us know that.
They were like the club that would be the mediators, you know, stopped a lot of us from going out there and going ballistic on a whole lot of wars, you know?
I would sit down and reason with a lot of these brothers.
"Come here, guys.
Savage skulls, come here."
"Savage nomads, come here.
Black spades, come over here."
That's the way we used to talk.
"It doesn't make any sense with this turf thing, guys."
It's us against the government.
It's not me against you.
You are not hurting me.
You're not the one that's keeping me down.
I don't have to fight you.
You're not the problem.
"Yo, brothers, come on, man."
"Nah, but you don't understand, man!"
He came into my turf with his colors, man!
"And he was just trying to tell me..."
because colors?
Come on, guys, think what I'm gonna say.
Colors is gonna make you go insane?
On December 8, a series of events transpired that rocked the ghetto brothers and the rest of the Bronx.
As a result, the outcome would come to change gang life in New York City forever.
They came to the storefront and said there was going to be a fight at the bottom of the stairs.
"Benjy, three gangs are coming from Southern boulevard..."
bongos, black spades, and seven immortals.
"They want to get the Roman kings."
Benji said, "let black Ben go, Cornell go."
"Benji, you got your job cut out for you."
You're gonna get me the president, vice president, warlords of those three gangs.
Bring them here so we can broker a peace.
"Bring them here, take some ghetto brothers with you."
So he left.
He went with playboy and a few of the younger ghetto brothers.
We came down the stairs, right?
And we stopped there, and there was about 13 to 20 of us.
And then when we looked down, we seen them, and you couldn't even see the corner.
That's how many there were, and when we got to the bottom of the stairs and they could've seen us, there was only about nine of us.
That's when Benji came out, and Benji said... he took a step forward, and he said,
"listen, brother, we're here to talk peace."
And the guy who came out, he said, "peace, shit."
That's when the guy pull out the machete.
That's when they had us all surrounded.
Benji said, "take, brother..." Because there was too many.
So I heard a noise, you know, pow, like a slap, and Benji had got hit in the stomach, and he tripped.
At that time was a time when they were killing, killing, killing, killing, and Cornell wasn't recognized.
They recognized violence, and they recognized somebody that'd throw a punch.
It was a moment in time that could have been avoided.
If I could just turn back the hands of time, this wouldn't ever have happened.
And I looked at my brothers today, my real brothers,
Says, "think about it...
there was that fateful day"
that I sent him to bring peace."
My brother looked at me, said,
"Benji, but you didn't know what was gonna..."
"no, you're right, I didn't know what was gonna happen."
I didn't know the fate,
"but it was my decision to send him."
That was one of the worst days in South Bronx history when he got murdered.
The word on the street was he was trying to make peace, and he was murdered trying to make peace, and basically after that, the South Bronx, fort Apache was out of control.
When this tragedy happened, they went to war and even got many gangs to move against the seven immortals and the black spades.
Every gang in my neighborhood at least were so mad that they killed this guy, they were running through the streets.
They were burning everything.
I mean, pandemonium hit.
Black spades wasn't gonna back down.
If they was gonna fully get attacked.
Then there was the time when the spade leaders, all of them said hell with it, get ready for war.
How rumors spread.
How news spread.
There was not a gang in the whole of New York that was not aware what's happening.
I put out a bulletin, and I started calling ghetto brothers, all the ghetto brothers.
Charlie wanted to get the ghetto brothers to mobilize for the biggest bloodbath in the history of New York.
We lost a member, they viciously murdered him out there in the street.
Now It's an eye for an eye because another ghetto brother loses a life, six of whoever, whether they his kids, his mother, his father, they lose their lives.
Who was it that took the lives of two of your... some dude out there.
At the time, I was...
I was blind.
And I said, no, I'm gonna make everyone pay.
That's when I said I'm going to just start killing, you know?
Watch. 
The sword is sharp.
Look, razor-sharp.
And Benji kept saying, "but, Charlie, that's not the way," I said, "I don't care.
At the moment, I don't care."
My business at the point was to quell down the anger that was coming up.
He said, "let's go see Gwendolyn."
That's Cornell's mother.
Let's go see her, show respect.
I said, "when I walk in there and tell her"
I've called New Jersey, I've called Connecticut,
I've called all the boroughs, I've called everybody...
"I've got an army outside."
I walked in like a mother fucking cock ready to fight, spurs gleaming.
I strutted over.
I kissed her.
I said, "mom," I said, "I've got an army outside."
And she said, "Charlie, my son died for peace."
Said, "God damn."
I looked at his mother.
She didn't want to see other children die.
It just confirmed what I said, you know?
So he understood after what she... "please."
You know, Charlie, that could be our moms, man.
That's an omen.
It's your mother talking.
She's my Mami talking to you.
"My son died for peace, Charlie."
I walked back to the storefront.
Storefront was like this with media, cameras waiting for me to say that the Bronx was gonna be bathed in blood.
We could have gone in the chronicles of New York to be the most notorious gang.
We even allowed our influence to use all these gangs to do our bidding.
All they were waiting was this, like the Roman empire.
All the gangs were there at 174th.
They were waiting for the big war.
We said, no, we're not gonna do anything.
I said, "brothers, don't you know this?"
Look at these newspaper people.
Look!
As soon as I said no, they stopped writing.
This is what they want to see.
They want to tell the world that we're a bunch of savages, that we're killers!
We're not gonna give you the satisfaction.
"Send our message...
hands down, no war!"
No, we ain't doing nobody.
Gotta figure out how we're gonna do this.
We're gonna have a peace treaty.
Word of the murder and fear of reprisal spread like wildfire.
At the insistence of the ghetto brothers, representatives of over 40 of the city's most notorious gangs met at the hoe Avenue boys' club in the Bronx.
So I got them while they were still in revenge mode.
They wanted to see war and blood.
I said this is the time to do it, right now.
Said, "listen, this is what's going on."
They killed my brother Benji." "What you want me to do?"
I said, "I don't want you to do anything."
I want you to come to a peace treaty."
"I don't do peace."
I said, "well, you're gonna do peace now, bro."
I said, "you do peace or we're gonna take you out."
"Who's you?"
"I'm the spades. 
I'm the skulls.
I'm the nomads."
And I to started running it off, everyone that said that they'd stand behind me.
This is hoe Avenue.
This is the spot, Madison square boys' club, here where history was made.
It was here that the gangs got together to have the biggest peace treaty in the history of the Bronx.
President young sinners.
Vice president of the young sinners.
Vice president of young saints.
President of young cobras.
War council of young saints.
It was fantastic how it all happened, and they just sent just their main leaders.
Come on, it was too many guys.
So it was all the leaders that were there.
At the treaty, I was a young person sitting in the background listening to my head leaders talking what needs to be done.
Basically it was just like the movie "the warriors."
Everybody was tense because nobody knew when it was gonna jump off, but it went well, though.
After while, everybody started talking.
Everybody calmed down and just got into, you know, what the purpose was, and it turned out good.
People were just bringing out atonement to say, you know, come on, let's slow this thing down.
Let's bring this peace treaty into play.
One by one, gang leaders stated their grievances with the intention of squashing prior beefs once and for all.
When we have static, man, we sell out among ourselves, man, because, wow, we got to live in this district.
The whitey don't come down here, man, and live in the fucked-up houses, man.
The whitey don't come down here, man, and have all the fucked-up no heat in the fucking wintertime.
We do, Jack, so therefore, like, wow, we got to make it a better place to live, you understand?
The idea of the meeting was to expose the ones who murdered black Benji.
Now in those days, you can't say, "you do it."
We didn't say that, but If you saw that film, you look at the guys that were sitting in front, those are all the guys that murdered my boy.
And I'm looking at them.
I say, "yo, my brothers, man."
One of the guys, a president of the club, came up to me,
"Benjy, I don't want to die.
Please, I don't want to die."
"You're not gonna die, my brother."
See, that's power.
You don't want us to become a gang again, right?
Because I know you.
You was up in the meeting.
And you told me, "Benjy, I want to get out alive."
Didn't you tell me that?
"Benjy, I want to get out alive."
That's what's gonna happen.
You're gonna get out alive.
Benji didn't get out alive.
The thing is we're not a gang anymore.
We're an organization.
We want to help black and Puerto Ricans to live in a better environment.
At the end of this historic summit, an inter-gang peace treaty was signed by every attending leader.
This momentous turning point gave the first real promise of the long needed peace the system had failed to produce.
Peace after the treaty came instantaneous.
The following day, the day afterwards, you didn't feel the hostility you did prior to black Benji's death.
Things were just waning down.
It meant people was trying to bring a different type of vibration, frequency to their community.
A definite attitude shift.
A lot of the people that were at the meeting, they decided, hey, you know, we're just killing ourselves.
We're hurting our own neighborhoods.
We better put a stop to this.
Wars had stopped.
It was here and there, but wars had stopped.
It was definitely a different lifestyle where when we gang busted, we stood in the same spot.
We stood in the same area.
We couldn't go that way.
We couldn't go this way.
We couldn't go that way.
Once the peace treaty happened, people was being invited in areas where they used to never even stepped into that area.
People would go to certain parties that you would never even step in that party or you don't know what would happen.
We're having house jams.
We're having basement parties.
It was different.
Now we're able to go here, go there, meet more people, unite with people.
Peaceful block parties hosted by the ghetto brothers and other local gangs began to multiply, helping to dissolve the invisible turf boundaries that had dominated for years prior.
Here's where the whole thing started to change.
We invited many gang members.
"Guys, If you guys haven't been to a party,"
why don't you come out?
Gonna have a party.
"We're gonna play out there." And they would invite other gang members to have jam sessions with them.
All over the city, you were invited to come to these jam sessions and jam with them.
You can bring your instrument.
You could, you know, do whatever it is you do.
This is the famous 163rd St. This was ghetto brothers city.
All the people came down here to hear the ghetto brothers.
Every Friday and Saturday, we would gonna have a party.
You had gangs from different areas to down come down and check us out.
This block was literally full with people.
They would call out big parties.
You'd see like 100 to 200 guys hanging out.
It was massive. 
Scary, too.
When the ghetto brothers had the parties, they all mingled.
Everybody mingled... savage skulls, black spades, the turbans, everybody because we were having a good time.
People were dancing, and you saw turbans, and you saw skulls.
What was the common thing?
I said, "look, I put the flags up there."
They'd see the Puerto Rican flag.
They'd see the black liberation flag.
"See, brothers?
This is us, man."
It's about dropping the attitude.
"We're all one people here."
It's almost like a... 
A relief, you know, 'cause the chaos in the streets and the mayhem and everything that was going on, this was kind of like a breather to say... you know, finally, some peace.
You see, when you saw that friendly attitude there, they brought that back to their club, you understand?
So every Friday, they were looking forward to getting back together again.
One of the things the ghetto brothers made us realize...
I'll put it very simply... self-worth.
When you...
whether it be a guitar or a saxophone or an instrument or a bongo, whatever it is that you can do to add to the flavor of what was going on, it kind of gave you a revelation that, hey, I can actually do something besides,
you know, stomping somebody's brains out.
I can actually do something besides stabbing or shooting or besides this other stuff we've been doing.
There's something inside of me that's positive.
In the years that followed, outlaw gangs transformed into DJ crews.
A major shift in attitude made way for this emerging culture that was taking hold of the youth in the Bronx.
I always thought there was a connection between gang culture and hip-hop because from what I learned that either you was a DJ, an MC, a break dancer, or a graffiti artist, once upon a time,
one of them members was part of a gang.
Now you can express yourself and show what is it that you have on the other side from what you used to be.
So we saw the translation between the violent attitude to something positive, but at the same time, you see the intimidation.
Competition is always and has always been there.
The battle when they battle on the mic, when they compete against each other, they're battling, when they're dancing against each other, they're battling.
It was more like challenging to dance now and not to fight, and whoever could dance the best won the fight.
Colors were starting to come off, and little by little, that's when the music started to come into the deal.
When the gang scene started fading down, it was the DJs who started becoming the stars in the community, the leaders in the community.
The Bronx's own DJ Kool Herc, considered the founding father of hip-hop, played a crucial role in redirecting gang energy into this new and growing movement.
Herc had the right timing of presenting something.
The same people that was involved with gangs, they felt that they want to be relieved.
They want to have some of this dance.
Herc took it upon himself to become their new pied Piper.
It was like, hey, this is what we want to hear, and we don't want to hear what was being played on the radio, what was being played in the clubs.
We were trying to reach out for the beats, that raw essence, heavy drums.
Herc started something his enemies didn't want to stop.
It came in the form of music.
They gravitate to this.
This is something that is theirs.
That hadn't come in a long time.
They didn't worry If you were black, you're white.
Got this common thing right here.
He was God. 
He didn't...
Herc didn't come out with no little tinker toy speakers.
Herc came out with the big boys.
See, I got some big boys behind me right now.
Herc came out with the big boys!
Later on, some of these people that was coming to all his parties turn out to be DJs... flash, grand master Caz, mean gene, remember the I brothers, started seeing Aj, the I brothers with Theodore,
breakout, baron, bam.
There was no closer connection between the gangs of the Bronx and this budding hip-hop movement than Afrika Bambaataa, who had personally taken it upon himself to convert the fearsome black spades into the Zulu nation.
This was the first worldwide force to promote positivity through music.
When I started the universal Zulu nation,
I already had an army of street gangs that was with me.
I had a lot of pull and power, so If I was with the black spades,
I might go and hang with the nomads and some of the javelins and some of the groups that might not even like each other.
I had a type of persuasion with many of the other leaders in groups.
Bambaataa had great influence amongst so many people.
They believed in him, and If you was a person that come from Bronx river or within the soundview section, everybody was coming to their parties.
And he accepted you.
He didn't put you down.
It took a lot of work, took a lot of speaking, a lot of teaching, a lot of organizing, speaking to the brothers and sisters to get away from that certain mentality.
The purpose of the Zulu nation at that time was to show that we can turn ourself around from negative to positive, and we was doing that through music.
Our slogan became "peace, unity, love, and having fun."
Lot of Zulu nation running in Monroe now. 
Yeah.
A lot of Zulu nation in Monroe and Stevenson and in all these housing development projects.
Soon, the Zulu nation gonna take over the world.
Is the Bronx in the house?
!
Is everybody in the house?
!
Hit it!
Are we gonna get loose in here?
!
Say z-u-l-u!
- That's the way to say...
- Zulu!
Z-u-l-u!
- That's the way to say...
- Zulu!
Another thing that is not mentioned is a style change happened.
Like, it wasn't just break dancing, graffiti, MC, DJ.
A fifth thing included was style.
You had to now have style.
You didn't want to walk around with dirty clothes anymore or, you know, the patches on their back because that wasn't attracting the type of girls that they wanted.
It was just a whole mindset change.
Well, let me talk about girls because I think women played a big part in it because there was always girls around.
Even the black spades had their girls.
Everybody had their girls, so basically, once you could talk to the girls, then you knew it was safe.
So it kind of like opened up a whole new area of South Bronx for us when you can talk to girls that you couldn't talk to before.
That's a big deal.
Oh, you can talk to this Puerto Rican girl now.
'Cause you couldn't talk to a Puerto Rican girl back then, not and be black in the South Bronx and live.
It wasn't happening.
We didn't even know we was creating anything.
We just wanted to have something that was hours.
Music calms the savage beast.
We would be the pied pipers, just calm the storm.
Music had definitely calmed the savage beast because how many times you may be in the motion of something that feels so tense and you just hit that one tune, and it would relieve everybody.
I think It's important that whoever sees this knows that we have grown, and, yes, there was a lot of negative, and a lot of shit happened, but a lot of us own homes, fancy cars,
two and three hikes, have good-paying jobs.
And I think It's important that whoever sees this knows that there is hope, that we could do this, and it could be positive.
They say history is not made by individuals.
I disagree.
I think It's a confluence of factors.
It's the social context of the time, the economic context of the time, and the individual dream.
What was so powerful about our generation is we caused movement.
We had to take from nothing and make something.
I believe that we were making a statement to society, so to speak, that had forgotten about us, that we have worth because we did have big fun.
Even though we were poor and we didn't have a lot, we had fun.
You know, we made a way to have fun, and we made a way to feel like we counted, and we made a way to show the world that we actually existed.

Christmas In South Africa
You got off contact lenses?
Look them here.
I am the teacher "high risk" orthopedic mayor of Santa Lucia Clinic.
Now last herniated disc surgery, before going on vacation for Christmas.
Sir, you're one stop countries heart, this heavy breathing is not good.
I do not.
Professor! 
I am here!
Well see you!
After that in South Africa.
To realize a dream.
A large hunting with my buddy "Ox".
Scalpel.
I am the "Ox" king of pork chops,
Son of a dynasty of butchers, it's Dad Viþelu and a degenerated not understand Italian.
Let "Viþelu and" catch it ..
Crack his head, removed his brain, ears, eyes, nose, serves us to spice brushwood.
The 10-year wait allowed to go in Africa to hunt with his friend Massimo.
When returning to the place of honor I to put a facocero.
I want to fill all that wall.
No, the timing remains there!
Father, but how is this calendar that is always august?
Why? 
Because the August are expected to butterfly fly it.
Are PhD Angela Lares, etnomolog the park.
I dedicated my heart and body in the past years for a mission impossible.
In search of a butterfly.
What you look! 
To the best piece.
Come on ... 
Invidoas it!
Did you see the director, you were skeptical.
But my idea of ​​raising funds, with this schedule, for research butterfly paradise. 
A winner exit it.
You're right.
Have a good trip.
Thank you Warden! 
We promise, I have to go back with empty hands.
I have no doubt!
You know, Mauro and have remained in Rome, with you, but your father like that much ..
I could not say "No".
Honey, stay together when return. 
Have fun!
I think my father will be fun. 
I attach with hunting, and with him his friend Ox.
Ox?
You understand why "Ox"?
Ceausescu! 
Merry Christmas.
Wait no not even give me a kiss.
No, if I see him my father.
I prezinþi and tell him that we along.
Are you crazy? 
E jealous.
Since when is mother if I see a boy problems.
My name is Laura and I have bunch of problems.
Hello, you twat!
Hey Dad!
My love!
Because I have a history with Mauro and and the other with Viþelu.
Ceao, lubit it!
Ceao, my love!
I will make a surprise thi, they reach CapeTown.
My name is Carlo Bofo, entrepreneur successful, I made one,
I did exactly de2 times because three years ago,
An associate in May and Trick I ruined, but
I worked hard and now restored are on vacation with Suzana.
My wife precisely the 2 wife.
Look here, travel through a park natural vintage train.
Then we rented a plane to fly over Victoria Falls.
And even a bit of Botswana. 
What do you say?
It's not possible! 
It's what they said then we believe, good money.
Not love, not possible.
It's your brother.
My brother in Cape Town!
Georgio! 
Carlo!
Are you crazy?
Prosthesis!
Prosthesis? 
But prostate?
Do you unfold eggs.
You left it, why?
Do you not ever to permiþi.
You wonder why is this relationship between me and my brother Carlo, because,
Trick associate and me ...
And three years ago, I took all the assets,
I even stole his wife Marta and not the bode well.
Carlo! 
Georgio!
Move it, you're ugly.
Hands up at me? 
Nervosu them!
You stole my wife even.
THI have not stolen anything! 
Your wife leaned alone.
Because you become poorer.
To tell the truth!
Ex ... poorer! 
Yes! 
Because new associate one to make me richer than before.
It's fantastic. 
Why not make November 2 where is peace? 
Eh?
Excuse me can none of us presented I am Suzana, new wife.
Pleasure is mine!
Take a coffee together and do well?
Love is not conquest!
How the hell are talking?
Behold. 
Coffee can give you an offer that here are crap.
Now I SII ... 
Suzana.
Yes!
I will leave well alone to think about.
Two children behave better!
Not really, it was very bad small!
I?
Yes. 
You were an evil!
At 18 you went to bed, my fiancee.
Your fiancée was high, never ends!
Magda was high? 
Yes, yes!
But it was virgin!
What the hell are you eating?
Do you remember, aunts of France?
He was dead in my mouth!
Was a virgin, I opened Thi street.
I helped, you should thank me and you.
My father and I opened my gindeaca street.
I recognize myself and tea
And if his mother did not stick.
Damn it that wrong!
Please bring me a gin and tonic.
Thanks a lot!
A negronii! 
A negronii from black! 
Are you crazy?
And with foam. 
Cold!
Who's gay?
Dezgheþata.
You mean, you were mother's kitchen and I do not, you say!
His mother gave him more enjoyment, you were a goat.
I set myself to learn, remember this.
I believe you sat at the home.
Another great injustice to a child trimiþi at home for that once, only once,
I stole the machine, brother.
I have not found and killed her grandmother.
These are the details. 
I good I like it
Has suffered and I pornito and A. ..
an act or cm eufanasie you tell him.
Euthanasia is said. 
Euthanasia.
That, that.
Kill Grandma, fool.
Go and kill!
You're a monster!
Do not understand!
I never imagined that Carol's like a person like you.
As me how?
I have never liked thin women.
To say that the taste changed.
Better!
Ah well! 
Jewelry
If it knows you well need to know that does not like to give jewelry gifts.
Obviously, tastes changed ..
I gave him Carlo, real diamonds, 100 000.
However seeing that you do all sorts of rubbish, we forget that, that and you have made a few days less and decay.
Yes!
Because of the anonymous letter that contains acuzaþii unfounded even grammar was written even mistakes.
But how do you write? 
We write with mistakes!
Even returning here.
Not even be back here!
What do you say? 
Why?
Because even ...
You did it yourself ... ? 
If I stood throat, what to do? 
Have patience.
Yes the goats ....
Once you have escaped me ...
Carlo!
What is this ring of diamonds in that?
That no longer understand!
A ring of 100 000 euros!
Of that!
Okay you want to be.
Do you work and give you too!
Carlo Obviously I am not gives you too.
Then, why mess with me?
Must be gentle to say this ..... a pathetic, opportunistic one.
What does that say?
Nothing Rita said that you talking, pathetic you're not pathetic.
What does he mean?
He's a whore!
Eh! 
But I have ....
They let me baby, knew not on A I want to see. 
Never.
Do you realize that your EXA made on it.
It made it even above.
Have you looked at it.
Just if it's done with my money ..
And I need.
Another piece as I do?
Are even and beautiful village!
Mine is beautiful!
Your resembles his father.
Anyway, thanks it is.
Furthermore, my son before or after, Thi-a f-- you.
After ... but long after.
Child sleeps while flying, with his father.
Give me correct myself, knew after a couple Sheet year we find him married.
On the other hand these children were together since they were a and a
And then, when our wives let us.
No! 
Mine has left us.
Then the woman peace in his heart. 
Yours ...
Left you!
Leave her dead His heart ..
To go
An angel.
Animal.
August 2010.
A good milk cow!
Ugly oaf!
You're Italian?
There Dictionary!
No. 
You're a good pussy!
Oh! 
But you're crazy?
Oh! 
Lenses.
A lady!
Sit still. 
Lenses!
No!
Excuse me thi!
Cover yourself with this curtain!
Awesome!
Oh no! 
O Lord!
Sorry, but it is a problem, credit card
Presents no warranty, Mr.
Perhaps you have a problem of liquid.
But you and your jokes! 
I like that much another liquid that is drowning.
However a person can quiet Tita can control online.
Yes, but would be better not exit the hotel.
Confident. 
Eh?
To die the hunks!
What counts confidence? 
Eh?
Do I atentioneziEh!
But no one move a capital. 
For ...
You must understand that after
I happened to my brother I immediately throw you that you ..
Of course, not ...
Well. 
Then give me address this new online banks.
Yes expects that to take a pencil.
Now!
Say it often because it's better.
Palermo, Imola, La Jolla, Ancona, Turin
Thank you, thank you.
Comoaro!
Tell me! 
Write.
Send?
I rubbed one more time ...
First Georgio now this ...
As a clown ...
No, come on baby do not like that to happened once. 
And pass it.
What is that smell?
However you are right.
You're right, you're right ....
Cry, cry, you're the girl and!
Do not understand!
Do not dramatize.
Now. 
Recap with patience we can not to go back to Italy .. 
What?
What are you doing?
You're dirty.
We can not go back to Italy, Tickets are blocked and the departure is more than three days.
Very good!
We can not stay in that hotel down goalkeeper is not bad.
They are ready, with your arm.
I choke.
Now who?
Dracula's coachman.
Excuse me sir, for the following 10 min.
none can leave the room.
Must pass wives and concubines Sultan.
Stay where you're to see, what are you looking?
But are all covered.
No!
None can forget.
Covered!
None? 
Even the director?
Not even one.
I can afford!
What they wanted? 
I found the way to go.
We have only five minutes. 
I suitcases?
No, no! 
Put all the stuff genþile.
Go to get clothes.
Go, go go ...
Nooo!
Damn you're ugly! 
Sometimes nature Make a joke but me you put it in the ass.
Stay quiet Tita, that you go to your boss.
Here's the Suzan!
Do not get me and Trick plays wife and go with this ugly.
Father, Thi are not bad with glasses!
Do you make 2 ochioni.
True, you look like a bufniþã!
Look this bufniþã Thi saved life, do not forget!
Who looks?
By the way I told you kids ... ?
10 years ago to hunt mistreþi a son of a sow you a shot.
Father, Thi has saved lives and then s best friend.
We are going to walk now!
How cute are
Should I put them replace.
You know? 
From whom they learned?
The mothers.
Sure.
Maximino, look who it is!
Bunaciunea!
Good evening.
Warning, it's there!
It is beyond.
Bad taste this wine!
Water the flowers.
Water from the roses.
Îndrãgostitule, you got off ocelarii THI and not see any beans.
Morning, I buy lenses.
Here bravo!
However we must apologize for today's figure or not?
To be apologists? 
Why?
That's the so ordinary.
One that comes dressed in this, manner and make calendars all empty, with legs on the outside, it is a porcana!
You as pet!
Want a sample?
To do a test.
What test?
Good evening, you're talking my language?
Toscano.
A little.
Listen to me and needed a room.
Excuse me but you a room do not already have?
Yes, but my son inside.
And if he is in ...
Do not sleep!
Because my son grunt night.
Not snore ..... 
Grunt!
A mistreþ grunt! 
Not sleep!
We understand!
And my wife!
Here at 192. 
Double bed?
Sure! 
Beast!
Good evening.
I'd like to iertaþi me!
Let Thi?
Can I sit?
You did not!
Ok!
Minimum, what can I do forgive of you, to give and champagne.
Go to the bar!
The bar is the other side.
The truth is that we have attracted attention.
I'll be back!
That gentleman over there will send it!
Thank you!
Please!
Gentlemen and time!
Gentlemen and time!
Here here! 
Thank you!
By the way, we have not shown yet!
Professor "high risk" surgery!
"Maximum Risk" is a surgeon?
I do not know if I let you operated.
Angela Dessie!
In Dessie?
When is "Dessie" I and the Contact a volunteer.
You said the door to have class?
A amiciþie wonderful!
But why stop at a amiciþie simple?
And I'm wondering why?
You think that I could make the drive.
I think that you you could ..
To do!
Haarde!
You wait in the room after 10 minutes.
You're generous!
I'd expect the room after 10 minutes.
In this flower is a butterfly that will fly.
A beautiful miracle, a beautiful man show.
You're not a man you're an animal!
Look here!
Quarter inside rustinciana and belly!
Shadow man is sure that f-- e
No f-189 - is key!
190 makes playing!
191 consoles do not none!
192
F. ... 
I do not f .. 
Ox.
The mother's hair!
How many are?
But the hotel did not have that.
At least ... !
I know.
We can not, what we have in your pocket only stay there.
What do you say beautiful?
Here is and police!
Instead, it's safer!
Come on!
Who is that?
D chiloþii you down!
Carlo!
Do not look comoaro!
Good evening!
No baby, I can.
Suzana is only for one night.
We train and paid, over safariul We returned to Italy and the
Our associate them make an ass like that, point com
Good evening!
BofA are, that's my lady.
I called before and assured me that be issued a camera.
Yes, it releases!
What happened? 
But it is dead.
Is it an old man with cocoa and to park it a camel.
Keys?
Gorge!
Remained above the key?
Lord!
What is dead?
Here!
Comoaro, keys, a true floor?
Carlo!
This is hot!
Tin, and air vents are.
Is it but died!
Indeed!
Not that the stairs?
That was not a camel!
Was "goat".
Then in the background is not as bad!
Boutiq hotel.
And air conditioning is!
No not working!
Loved a bit of patience.
Their baby!
Carlo. 
Carletto!
Baby, you got a nice shot Yes, but the bottom!
2 million 465 thousand dollars.
We all first class and leave.
You're right!
The first time agreed to go to pay account, if we denounce,
We have problems leaving airport. 
Denounce us!
We did not denounce. 
But if you are right, passes the hotel.
What mistake last night!
And yet with 500 €!
Why did you give 500 euros.
I lost my head!
Not?
Now I can explain!
You offended!
You're right, that picture.
You gotta give me.
Here's why I was even chased me!
Asshole, you know what is truth?
They give less and as that!
You know what is truth, that you are a animal, an ignorant butcher.
Oh! 
What we fight?
No!
When?
We never fight.
Then there's the first time that you this oath!
Wait for me here!
Do you make a surprise!
Surprise!
Miss you so little!
I made ten o'clock!
Mauro, are you crazy? 
What are you doing here?
But how?
Are not you happy to see me?
Yes, but I could ad
What was a surprise?
Excuse me, you're right!
But I'm a little confused, however can not stay here.
Why?
Why!
Because .... go meet safari.
My father has it that less and so, if you see ...
But now your father is not it?
No! 
Is!
Where is it?
Here it is!
Later!
Father! 
Father!
Who are you? 
What do you want? 
Please do your that I know the are a bad
I entered a ugly mess!
Who cares?
Are the two guys at the same time, I feel a little ...
A little slut, what is wrong?
Get out!
I must go on.
Come on! 
Father!
But, do not know how to get out of this situation ludicrous. 
How to tell?
I write a nice Christmas letters.
And why should I write?
Încornoratule! 
It's good to you?
Do my account!
Go departs.
Surprise!
No more surprises this!
I'm sorry that the Treu to anticipaþi, with one day left.
Yes, unfortunately I need to draw in Italy that I had problems with
Persons or demonstrated. 
False!
Yes. 
False, very false.
Too much. 
We have a machine that we realize that the money was and FAL!
FAL and how?
Well fãcuþi but FAL and!
Now you plan to do?
You have to call security.
What security?
Say nonsense!
And how you pays dear sir?
How to pay?
I ran!
Attach it!
I'm sorry that you approach Thi! 
Hello!
I made many kilometers to stay with Laura,
You have something against me to come and the safari?
Do as you like!
Now it's can even throw knew.
Brother, I was coming right at you.
What do you want?
What you want man? 
How to explain thi.
I opened a window to the past,
A window. 
I made a horrible thing.
And if you want to recover from and I!
To make a nice deal!
Now one day I bought a bunch of diamonds.
At half the price compared to the market and like that I said,
Here's what not to do one millionth and my brother
Tell me my job done, if I Do you give $ 1 million you too
You give me two million diamond to me.
What do you say?
If Do you give 2 million 465 thousand?
4.93 million dollars of diamonds.
Do 5!
May we recognize and you see that!
I really did open multumitDaca house for diamonds that do not have here
Money you have here?
Yes I am in tomber ... the bank!
I needed to go faster do a capital transfer.
Ready Thi not allow that.
Damn she is!
Money and suitcase are FAL?
That's how I say?
How should tell you, are FAL and i But it?
However I already have a plan!
What plan?
Did not your brother and the to your ex wife?
That's the last straw! 
Well because the not that I want to visit!
Honey, what's Planus?
What plan?
You said that you have a plan!
But I do not .. ! 
No, you said I heard the plane!
Yes. 
Suzana are you, that does not stand careful.
What plan? 
Same plan, take the train I finished the journey and we back to Italy with old tickets.
For money and i knew FAL Not
No need to throw them Carlo and i are periculo
But why?
What do you crazy?
You're crazy.
Carlo!
FAL have to throw money and i Now!
FAL have to waste money and now!
Descend!
Do not understand.
Talk to you soon.
For a moment, I have a job boo ... ?
Cloth!
What to throw?
He went to Georgio.
Fri baby!
The shelves? 
Yes!
A lady!
Now you invent?
Mauro, Thi said that I call you.
Yes, yes. 
I know but I was delayed.
But you called me after that!
Where are you?
Are you here next to the hotel and wait.
Thi but now I can not tell!
Safarii must leave.
I know. 
I talked to him your father and I asked
If you can come!
How it to my father?
And what said Thi?
Textual words.
Do you like hell, I took it as a "yes"
Come and me!
I'll call you.
And now.
Women, eh?
Who understands it better!
Tell me about it!
Anyway, happy, Mauro!
Viþelu and!
Viþelu and?
Yes Toscano is a name!
Name of shit!
In fact my name Vitti.
Loved it. 
I am the eye was you, At what point are you?
Forget that Uncle Ox went to the jeep with Viþelu and. 
Come on, went to Savannah!
Father!
Oh God, what happened?
My ordinary allergy!
More than you, and the ox and Viþelu plecaþi without I.
But! 
Now they announce that we stay in hotel.
No!
I mean, I'm sorry!
For years you'd expect this safarli.
Go!
But no, nor talk, let up!
Come on, that I recover in a few days! 
Ok?
In two days!
But are you sure? 
Secure!
So thanks, Dad's beautiful.
Hello!
Brothers.
Diamonds are prepared. 
Eh!
I am happy because it is a opportunity to not owe!
For me there is no more, no less.
They do not! 
If I trataþi like that and you We ruinaþi.
Derby is tonight!
How you are?
Georgio! 
Georgio!
Yes! 
Excuse me you have some problems with mobile.
Number and furniture. 
I have a real estate business.
I get carryover must be Two millions 465 thousand. 
True?
Bãnuþii all!
Perfect!
When we meet?
Immediately, we took the train.
No, what immediately came diamonds but need a little time to them take, to organize me. 
I take time!
Then listen. 
We see the first stop, station Barla.
You say that change directly, the station and you go immediately after that in American movies. 
I like!
Yes. 
See you there! 
Perfect!
Here I am!
Baby we take lunch in the cabin.
It's beautiful! 
Thi I said!
What you get?
Surprise!
Surprise!
Jackson May Be careful to couch it's not paper!
Georgio!
Do not tell me that they took and jewelry from my mother!
Have not taken anything, I got it.
Oh! 
Not bad!
Where did you put?
Where do I put?
Where do I put? 
I bought you some diamonds false to make and a nice feint brother Carlo and to exit out of this this dramatic situation. 
Well?
You took my jewelry true, to buy fake diamonds.
I had cash, What to do?
Consider it a loan!
I'll give Thi, as I always do!
Stay quiet Tita! 
A stop and go with you.
You Do you know what happens, what alternative did I have?
You, no, but I am one!
What would it be?
Go back to Carlo.
Excuse me I laugh, but my brother Carlo would be betrayed by one as you.
Be good go!
Speaks Italian.
It's good Italian.
You have seen how I looked?
And on that I'm jealous. 
What is called?
What I like is called know! 
Suzana
And thereafter Carlo, take me back and to recognize our
Recognition for what you put horns My brother! 
For recognition the fact that I now go to him and tell him that you want to give him a þeapã.
Carlo!
My girlfriend.
Fuck with me!
Yes!
You are one, delinquent poorer!
A delinquent poor who loves you, that you love.
Why run like that, you see, are in love.
See heaven it, what minunãþie.
Seems to be made to suggest some our love.
I want to protect you from that!
Come on in!
Me mad when I come to my nerves!
Delinquent!
Excuse me!
Excuse me, where is the repository?
The other side of the city.
All right. 
Travel beautiful then!
I am disappointed and time but can not rule to give you another, last I gave that, gentleman there.
Oh!
That gentleman?
Excuse me!
Rule and not time, excuse me than you.
Yesterday evening I was a crude, one nesimþit.
Exaggerate! 
If we however was a bit naive!
Welcome! 
I am looking for a lepidetero nice!
And to and do anything to catch, this butterfly.
Do not tell me time and gentlemen!
My jeep broke down.
And can you give me another.
Here's luck! 
You are you doing a jeep.
I jeep.
I'd have infinitely Thank you!
But the joke would be gentlemen and time, if you you after 5 minutes, leave.
I do not know how to thank you.
In a way is found, do not panic!
But it is certain that I and I together?
But the jokes and you gentlemen and time.
If I am, is found!
Now you're ready Viþelu and depart. 
Eh?
You know that one thousand Hunting Dad!
If you can not, I can understand!
You mean you'd expect here!
Not come!
Come even come with us!
Well, have fun than be shot that a what little movement that!
Large or small, there is no difference!
Do not look before any.
Veveriþe, penguins, pochemoni, marmots, that is shot on the spot with M16.
You brought and M16?
Eee ... 
I know.
I made a stupid one actually not having fun with that!
But we know how animals do it?
Do not kill it hurt!
When, with a rusty knife but the plunder slowly under the skin
And all the mate that keeps out.
Throw maþele could to serve.
And then you know what to do? 
That we are here have fun and to throw firecrackers and 2.
Ass like that, and then set on fire!
That's how fun and more.
But if you can not, I stay here.
Not come!
Then Laura, leave it alone?
Yes! 
Is Laura, really.
Laura does not come!
Why? 
Eee! 
Why? 
I was an ugly Allergy and prefer to stay in hotel.
Welcome! 
How is that right? 
I'm not saying that is better hotel to stay in this child.
If it is bad! 
Sure sãrãcuþa so, alone.
When I stand with it.
Welcome!
That's why I like you. 
Come on son!
Go to the hotel to see what will! 
Take taxi!
Did you see? 
My son is caring, not like you! 
What are you doing here?
Do not go to hotel to your daughter?
I feel that you're right. 
Well, well!
I'm going from hotel to Laura!
Then it secured its place?
Eee ... that place?
They broke my jeep and his friend I took his.
Oh! 
In's! 
Welcome!
Now all three go together, right?
Excuse me little. 
Look, if you do not sit with daughter, and a f ... e Viþelu
Just will not die a virgin. 
Eh!
Well, then go with a guide. 
Well?
To seek the guide. 
Where is the guide?
But what you must guide me a savanna know as my pockets.
Oh! 
So we 3 November alone.
Oh, how nice!
Father!
But I? 
Yes, sure you're still here?
I and many! 
Go!
Look at this!
But it's good!
Well, I fell from the sky, I could I do, to leave it there!
Oh, that's not only that you tried put me out.
From now on, without impropriety, gentle people. 
See!
Good afternoon.
You're our guide?
Can you say something to understand?
Bird bird that big pussy!
We ...
Sex ... !
A, a, a, fax ...
We are two in the plural, fax. 
Yes, and fax to you, do not put. 
Come!
In two and three we are many crush too much!
And now you f ... 
Your the best!
Yes!
By the way!
You're really thinking about your son ..
Thi e a f ...
Then where the eye does not see ...
To go. 
Come!
Come, darling brought it all!
No! 
A and displays it!
Here!
Zebra's milk?
It's good!
I do not drink.
Can you eat it.
What is egg?
African chicken.
Sãrãcuþa, gindestete the bottom and has done!
If you eat it, I cholesterol as a bottle of oil.
Well, you eat some ham and sweet!
Baby, it's not what the baboon and ham.
What sucks the tail.
Give me an apple, go!
Baby are you going?
Go up in newspapers.
Loved it!
I'm sorry, excuse me!
Do not panic! 
Go and take Thi newspaper, first start. 
I do!
Can find newspapers, Italian.
Yes, run!
You bring the money?
You brought diamonds?
You want to control? 
That between brothers.
Controls you. 
But no.
Again you are a monster.
Time truth!
Brother, it seems that you move to!
Bag my wife.
Go and pick up a thing with money.
Eee! 
Wait for it remains here.
With confidence, we are between brothers.
Lord, the train started, Carlo, where?
But!
No, that's Magdi machine.
Me to believe that the two will come back together.
I leave like that without saying a word, no!
But damn!
Carlo ... !
I lost. 
Money is in train, should pursue it.
The train makes a big detour that reach us first with the machine. 
Give me justice, go, right, right, directly by savannah Botswana then a little company, in the car. 
Mean?
That's how it is!
Ends with these hands.
We have all the time!
But I believe you gave up safarli to do something about both.
Indeed, I am with you and make a trip to the Waterfront.
Let's hurry it on.
Laura.
Laura! 
I open, finally we can,
Allergy is not taken!
Is there anyone?
And you're attached here? 
Yes!
Thi would like. 
Eh!
Excuse me!
Hello, talk to service theft, Satellite?
I want to know Martha Boffa location, My cars.
Please! 
Thank you!
Good afternoon.
You saw the front of the 207?
Gentlemen and time risk. 
Yes!
He went now.
Where bent?
I asked how to get to Waterfront.
And how to get?
Angela. 
What heavenly name!
I'm wondering what makes a beautiful girl, how are you you, alone in South Africa.
Are zooloaga. 
Oh! 
Zooloaga!
I am now and you could be I agree to that, are warm-blooded animal.
You got it?
Are precisely entomologist!
The entomologist!
Exactly! 
Study, butterflies, rhymes, worms
One of you get into any category?
No, I do not! 
You go? 
No!
But what I do in Africa?
Hunt!
Vânaþi?
Photographic hunting, right?
Gentlemen and said that time is a zooloaga.
Animalist is convinced.
And then you animal lovers. 
Eh!
What jokes are you, I like to photography, pig, cattle. 
Finally!
But I am for the immortal, pigs.
Pigs? 
You know how it captures its mortadelã jab!
I apologize! 
Eh?
Important that you are gentle!
We have to find how to pay you.
But why we stopped right here?
I'm good place to do what What vroiaþi!
Beast! 
If this is for all, places are good.
Beginning? 
Because we are ....
With calm!
We need to do things calmly.
Have to wait, finding positions.
Must sometimes even hours! 
Eh?
What hours?
Under the sun that break down.
Eh! 
Depends on the tools!
How are your tools?
Oh! 
You have television?
What is that? 
Tele!
Telephoto.
Television, for hunting photographic, is long, is great.
Are there cameras?
Boo!
Whose is this?
A's!
Your? 
Not mine!
It's! 
Is yours?
Mine does not!
Wed those who are sick and the animals and kill them.
Maybe the guide!
Then we throw them right?
Even do big bang.
It's take, it's take! 
On the other hand less and that this is not regular.
With this eye are all good the shot.
Ole!
Bravo! 
You were very good!
Look is another!
How nice!
Bed olive branch to root Turkish.
Worked by hand!
Gold Finish!
Are you an expert! 
Eh!
What matters, is quality pays and see!
Think about time that you gentlemen are men and and willing to throw even 100 thousand euros.
A little of this and that manner!
Plus VAT!
Then, throw little move!
Ole! 
You were good and you!
No! 
I can not, we bladder as a balloon.
Stops you!
I stopped! 
Rather than exploding bladder my brother. 
It's really dangerous!
Beautiful is not it?
To die!
Then cm is said! 
Who has not pi and the company is a thief or a ...
What are you looking?
That's how the Eiffel Tower!
With this elaborate and you you you!
But when you come you did not like that!
My friend, surgeon, told me typo it, redo it.
There are things every day. 
Are useful!
I knew if I did and I. Keep careful how does a species of whistling.
Look how ugly it is!
Do not you look that up!
When you bite.
The Mamba is a homo.
Look, see, see what is moving!
It only looks at me calmly. 
We slow movements. 
You return,
In the box that the machine is working electric
I turn slowly, without sudden mirscari.
Movements slow, slow.
Eee, if not go back to the pi and red, We ruinaþi. 
Did you wet!
Wait, eh.
I ruined.
Here! 
How to use this thing?
Push ...
Here!
You killed him and u pi .... 
I had always high acidity, the aunts of Franca.
You, you were wrong.
A, I? 
Yes!
But however you do not?
Keep quiet!
Okay, enough of kissing?
Make peace? 
No!
I alone with a man like you do! 
Well?
Get out! 
The truth is that you are a dog.
Why are you Here!
No, I am I do not want peace.
I said first!
He said it first!
Two morons!
Let's make peace, to lay down our arms.
Well, come on!
Oh, God ..... !
After 10 meters Turn the machine!
Now it wants? 
I do not know!
That was missing.
To inebunesti!
Do something! 
What to do? 
I do not know!
Make something up!
What is?
Make noise to go elephant.
You have a stupid face.
Should not be vulgar before mammal.
When we were kids doing things ...
I know that I have a stupid face.
A and to the birds.
You want to go, please?
Wait that is angry now.
Wash the glass.
Have you cleaned first you? 
I thought not!
Can you stay quiet? 
Yes.
However, to clean everything.
What is the nature wonderful job.
Now! 
Good, good.
But why do that?
What should I do?
First time to clean the window and now and wants to hide the mirror. 
What are your mechanic?
We have nothing, we chopped.
Thank you, thank you!
The child did not have the courage!
That's how I came!
It went well! 
Now what?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Nooo! 
You saw what you did?
Now what do we do?
What to do? 
What to do?
How come, must come!
Not?
I lacsativele my poop is extra!
And now you're constipated? 
That the aunts Franca.
-Thi recalls tails, makes them the bathroom?
I remember, yes!
I understand, but what we give them?
In front, no! 
Only the bottom!
It's true, I thought not!
The bottom is that! 
Look how you move.
Draw!
29.
30 and 31 ...
Let that be the last three!
It's good!
Did you see that thing? 
Come!
E penultimate!
Dude, look at that.
Come! 
30 hits, 30 are marked.
Now, what is?
What to do? 
Follow to wait.
After how much time and makes its effect?
What matters, not me hippo.
Okay, take a pill and after that foodpipe.
I understand! 
But when is this discharge?
But what I see?
I feel it! 
And from there ......
Are you busy? 
Eh?
They do good and yourself!
Not like you!
Oh!
Apricots are African!
What minunãþie!
No, not the apricot!
This is a suburbiasuculentis.
It's a toxic plant.
If you eat, burtra inflate.
And you can feel bad.
Thank you, that you told me!
Do not eat! 
No no!
Swelling of the tummy .....
I finished ... 
Now gentlemen and time, butterfly is on the site?
Must cross the river.
Expected to study the precise place!
The desert .....
African apricot, soft ...
Thanks to ...
What are the skulls of those who see them there?
And I'm wondering what it represents?
Nothing. 
There are some signs you in Africa a diverse significance.
Then there is no danger!
Boo! 
We are safe.
Pu and tile!
I threw them!
Have you heard?
That's roar forest king!
Roar?
To me it seemed like a belch! 
Yes!
Now it does!
Where to go? 
Get out now!
Do not do it!
Do not you see that's something snaps!
He does!
Do what? 
He does!
Listen to big brother.
Now you, go behind the hippopotamus, I'm your aims? 
Not distracting,
But you are careful!
Catch and handle with all the force your give a shot, this huge animal.
Is that clear? 
But I do schirba the job.
Then you can not talk!
But there are natural things. 
For you are But I do schirba natural.
Then I go! 
Together. 
Not?
I got it!
But I do!
Ok! 
Do together!
Move forward slowly without you angry beast.
Are you sure you want .....
Shut up!
Conscience!
What comes out grab a catch!
Now shoot, shoot. 
It will not!
Shoot, Lord, come! 
Here!
Agãþarea took place! 
Now are you ready?
Yes!
Damn!
I thought worse. 
See?
It's only a scratch!
All's well that ends well!
I made a nice .....
What? 
A tsunami of shit?
Nor announce!
Boo! 
Now?
We're stuck!
What we do? 
Let me push!
Immediately! 
And I do myself!
Wait!
Do not panic.
Engine starts.
Put the two! 
Go!
We forfeit lens!
Here, it was missing.
Listen, there is danger of crocodiles?
What crocodiles!
Even if were not doing anything.
One night I watched TV that was one that said! 
What say?
What say? 
A mountain of rubbish!
Damn!
I know! 
An animal!
Enormously, I have not seen an animal like that!
You have seen?
I saw, I saw, without glasses, you see?
Beast! 
Did you see now?
Well boys now there is danger.
Eh! 
It seems easy for you, that is zooloaga!
My mother, seeing you forgotten how increases eyes, gentlemen and time!
O Lord! 
You give me your hand!
Help! 
Do not go!
Sand movement strength and signal quality!
Park would run!
We're waiting, belt coming!
Let time rule and give us hand!
I got it!
No, no! 
Come on! 
It's short!
It's short! 
Ready!
I can not!
Do I care!
We reached the bottom!
I'll add short!
Here boys, almost ready!
Rezistaþi!
Help!
No I want to die!
Help! 
Grabe and gentlemen and you get time!
Add short and long! 
Faster!
We swallow sand producers move!
No, I think that not enough!
Are scurþi!
I never could I see again my little girl!
Knock and the shirt!
Everyone wants to see his little girl.
Eh! 
Sãrãcuþul!
Help!
Should do it!
What luck! 
I think not enough even now!
Nui!
And her bra!
Look what has bowls!
But what? 
Eziþi?
Prior to be out?
Scoatel!
Take heart out!
Right now?
Even some you're wild. 
Eh!
Best sweets restaurant, Den Anker is!
First go get tickets Shakira's concert
Ok! 
While you stand in line,
I go shopping.
After that we meet at Den Anker.
Back there! 
I wish.
Mauro! 
What are you doing here?
Viþelu and!
I am with my girlfriend. 
You?
I was looking for mine! 
When find yourself bite to eat at Den Anker.
Then join us!
Later!
Laura!
Viti!
But you were not in safari?
I went not because you were allergic.
The past!
What are you doing here?
Shopping!
Now? 
They now have to go with me ...
to eat.
Welcome! 
Because I met a boy Italian cute we are waiting to girlfriend in a restaurant, here almost. 
Seeing that you want to eat.
For once, we could sit together, you want to sit with strangers!
Now you go with your buddies, and I continue to shop.
But now when I think ...
Let's go!
Come! 
Baby now that we are alone ...
Wait! 
Where?
Enter through the kitchen?
I hunger! 
Yes!
Den Anker. 
But is even the set with my buddy Mauro.
Mauro?
Oh!
What luck!
Here is Mauro!
I'm going to call him?
It is my father.
Here you are! 
My friend is on the phone with her father, yours?
I call but ....
Hello!
Hello, baby! 
I am already in the restaurant, with two friends, and Viþelu and his girlfriend.
You where are you?
Laura, where are you?
At the restaurant are 10 minutes since you wait. 
Coming!
How do you say that your girlfriend is called?
Here you are!
Your friend? 
What pleasure to meet you, one we know each other better, another time because now face with all bunãtãþile, not resist.
I went to make diet today!
Thi excuse, but I ran, if it remains eat all the sweets.
Fat becomes a horrible and not like you-Thi May.
Ceao, baby!
Laura!
But Laura that, excuse me?
Laura, my friend ... !
No! 
Laura is my friend!
Yours?
What luck! 
You brought us here to die for a butterfly!
No, it had to end like that!
I speak of the tribe!
Hopefully leave us alone!
Yes! 
Eternal peace!
Masimino! 
We must make prayers!
I tell you!
Asshole! 
If you must die.
To die like some people!
That will be difficult!
Up to die, I need to confess something Thi.
Do you hunt, remember that when sows that son of a shot you!
And I've saved lives Thi?
But what serves now? 
Welcome!
You deserve paradise!
Eh! 
I think not!
Because that son of sows ...
I was!
Now, to make a profession and I
You know the day, when Tufi and move the site?
I was hunting, I was your wife!
I knew! 
That's why I shot.
Buhai ugly son of a sow!
What says that?
What I know?
What I know!
Oh, Lord! 
My father dies.
Leave it off is a doctor and you can save.
It is an intestinal blockage. 
This requires X-rays!
You can make one?
If I can do?
With his eyes closed and!
There are however a surgeon!
A monkey!
Look!
Now, certainly do with his eyes closed and i
Now what?
It's work!
A's?
Who me? 
But you're crazy?
Let you're a doctor.
Almost!
I butcher ...
How? 
Now we really ruinaþi.
Hello! 
Oaspeþii already arrived?
Not yet!
I booked a room.
Lord is with you?
Oh! 
I leave early, talk to do with the
My brother and go. 
And can profit take a shower, to wash this shit. 
See?
What you say can not? 
Basta that your time and you, like that when it comes Suzana sees you.
Georgio, and smells like!
But you perfume?
Chamber 32. 
To rent the plane, have a copy of the patent.
Oh, look!
Thank you! 
You have a quick laundry?
Of course!
One. 
Sterilization!
Sterilized!
Anesthesia! 
Anesthesia!
We made it!
Scalpel!
Scalpel!
Beast, made him lower the knife!
Cut!
Cut, cut!
Wait!
I can not, Masimo, I can not!
How can you not? 
Are you or are you controfile prince?
I am the king but
I can with him, he can not!
Now you have to stay calm, be to thinking about how you work, the fourth front, the costiþe, a bitch!
A bitch?
Ready!
Now be careful, focused on occlusion.
Finally, where is it?
In front or back!
What? 
Occlusion ... !
It's in front or back?
In front there is nothing,
Back to it even being attempted spin on this side.
What back? 
Better shoot.
I understand.
Time to face the back, you learn me Professor. 
I do, help me!
Come! 
I ask, come on, quick!
Scârþãie hear!
Here! 
Disgust me!
Here it is!
We found, cut!
I cut. 
Eh?
Cut. 
Cut!
Hold it fixed!
Cut it!
I can not!
Come on!
Do you, remember that the outside?
If you not cut, poked us right in the ass.
Now i have to basket How?
With string!
How is prosciuto! 
Bravo!
And from where take a needle?
Here it is!
It's me!
Of course I dollars.
Yes, the small value!
You wait in the room to do the exchange!
Take care of my bag?
Sure, lady! 
Thank you.
But what, one as a shower room?
Sure, it's been twenty.
At least, this time I cut it off!
Clothes you. 
Thank you!
Clothing. 
Eh!
Thank you!
Brother!
I am really happy, that we returned, to do business together.
Yes! 
You'll see after 2 o'clock the business.
Oh! 
Grabe and up!
Lost visa, as you sit in shower, Suzana comes if you find you here.
Out a scandal. 
But I did not understood, why are you worry and tit, just stay
Your brother is not a slut.
Carlo! 
Honey, I missed the boat.
And you find an opportunity!
It stands in the bathroom and rinse and one year.
I got it!
Now it's in the bathroom and wash.
I said that you would get angry.
It was so, dirty.
Is it over your shower, wash, wash.
Wash!
Carlo!
Thi-is not ashamed? 
That's how I say?
Loved it!
Worth the money, sorry.
After several years, happens when, to hit it. 
Understand?
You are a monster! 
And I a bad willing to stay with you, now you're poor.
How poor?
No, you poor?
What?
You were with him?
Sure!
And Martha's machine?
A take it!
You thought that the washing machine .... boo!
Here are all bãgaþi in a large mess.
What a mess, she said that you are poor.
If she did!
What poor?
No dear, poor! 
Associate, ticket with "bagal ass" dot com, flee from the pub, poor!
Yes! 
All organized by me.
To believe, that I left without any money.
It was stupid!
Carlo! 
Thi Yes I said a bunch of nonsense.
Why?
Even why?
Why, Carlo?
Carlo, why? 
Because not stand.
Make a bunch of questions.
I want to divorce!
And how I do not want to leave anything to bad that I made her believe that
I was cheated again and we became poor.
Loved where bag?
Baby, you make me schirba.
You're an infidel pig!
Yes! 
But where is the bag?
A little patience, give me five minutes, sit with unhappy, even was my lady.
What's a poor unhappy?
We'll see you later.
I kill you!
Stops over there!
I love you!
But until five minutes ago, I wanted divorce.
Thi another stupid I said.
Do you remind your money and FAL? 
I have not thrown!
Carlo! 
Well, my brother's push it.
You must think I am rich.
When we are poor.
Sãrãcuþi!
Not bad! 
Let's hope for less.
Finally, where is the bag?
Lady, your bag.
Thank you!
Please!
But that's not my bag.
Actually mine! 
Now you, go to shower, dress and I'm doing Georgio's. 
Well but money if you do not need to attack it.
That's it! 
Do not give. 
No!
O Lord!
My tongue!
My tongue!
They tell me.
Did not you see, I blinded! 
You are not blind, are you stupid glasses Massimo.
Glasses!
What horror!
O Lord, old man!
That does not wake.
Boo, if he dies, killing us!
My cell phone!
You hear the belly.
But how is this possible?
You know, when one sews in a hurry ....
Not possible was discharged.
My phone was discharged!
He said that ....
I understand, I understand!
I have an idea!
You tell them that, should I do a control visit. 
Ok!
What control?
And and and t!
I try to call, for help.
It's free!
Not understand anything.
Wind, call transfer your ..
A successful operation! 
Talk!
Wind, transfer your call, the secretariat by telephone.
You saved my life.
Thank you.
Wind your number ...
You have permission to enter the sacred land.
To look paradusului butterfly.
Excuse me, Carlo Boffa's room.
Chamber 32 lady! 
Excuse, who to ad?
Where to go?
I came. 
I diamonds.
I wait. 
We must return.
Martha!
Iubiþica my looks for you, where were you?
How did you find?
With satellite.
Here, you see!
Listen, and you're not pro, not me ruin everything now that's almost ready.
Sure!
You know what? 
Go to your brother and tell him that you want to escrochezi again.
Death! 
And that's because I have closed in the trunk.
Honey, Thi told a thousand times not to May raise your hand. 
Damn!
A flower for whites!
This is mine.
You're right, mine is there. 
Get out!
Damn!
No, damn you!
Martha!
Martha, my love! 
Carlo!
Carlo! 
Martha!
I am here to tell you that I know everything.
All? 
All!
It does not deal with your brother must do.
Are you worthy of dispreþ if you want to escrochezi your brother.
My brother, Georgio?
Give Thi account!
When you poor you look not to anyone.
I said!
Why?
The smechereala, sure told me!
But clearly it's not true.
Obviously it's not true. 
I stay quiet I do not see my brother can be stupid like that, to me and mechereascã, for the second time.
To give him fake diamonds!
But ...
I admit that I'm an idiot,
I wanted to get and Trick.
It is a misunderstanding.
We did not understand, pull me up.
No, no, I do not reach
I am not convinced, I hear sincere apology.
But I'm not convinced. 
I said that are an idiot, an asshole
A piece of shit that you say?
Pull me up. 
Yes, but always missing something.
Do you let go! 
Eh!
I let go, admit everything. 
Is it true, are always envious of you.
That's how it's better. 
Start from the beginning.
I was always a human shit.
Enough of this nonsense, shoot me up, I feel bad, I want to vomit.
I have gastric reflux, and aunts that of France, remember.
Where is this butterfly?
Maybe it's still a caterpillar.
Need to develop.
Here, you beast!
How disgusting!
Die, die.
Boo ....
What did you do?
I kill you!
It was caterpillar butterfly paradise.
Young gentleman, we are filled with this stuff.
Thank you!
Here are money adevãraþi, shame.
Honey! 
You know you did well that you gave funds that FAL and your brother!
What are you doing?
Forgive me!
Square head.
I admit that I'm an idiot and that I wanted to get and Trick.
Make me understand better, you must say so, more generic, a little more convinced. 
Come!
I am a fool, I wanted to give you money and FAL, revenge to all those
Why have you done in the past. 
No, you try you find yourself justifying,
I pays you and your bad faults. 
Come!
Want to finish, to make the glumeþul, you know I have a "ball" locked.
You have done well that you stole all the money.
Because we deserve.
I'm an asshole and you are more intelligent than me. 
But more.
It's good to you?
Well, see that I am smarter.
You bark like a dog and no one believed you.
You have thought? 
Ready, shoot it up.
Come quickly!
You are equal!
You're a bastard cursed.
Ace and your money are FAL and i And your diamonds are pieces of glass.
Someone made a joke ugly.
Need to find him and to fill the lead.
Yes!
I have a tire and incredible.
We have money and diamonds true.
You were fooled by it stay there? 
What do you say?
Bags were changed.
We are rich!
Rich!
We are rich!
It's top draw.
Help me!
Look what he did now.
Thy Death.
We are rich.
If we come to kill us, to run.
So I run to prepare the aircraft, you go to retrieve my patent.
See you on track. 
Come on.
Let's go, baby!
What is?
Do you explain after that.
Go.
Come to go.
Wait for me!
Come and hasten you up.
Come! 
Come.
Give me the bag.
Why not trust?
Do I trust! 
Hai.
Lord, I do not climb.
It's dangerous!
Periculo are and why.
Come on. 
Enter!
Viti, Mauro!
Guys, Excuse me. 
Try me you understand.
I have to I can forgive for what I did.
Neither do we! 
We've broken heart.
Who knows how long until we find others.
It's good to go. 
Hai.
It really, understand.
You know something I agatha concert with Shakira. 
And I, mine returns in Italy the same flight. 
And mine.
But ..
Yours is?
Friends for the first time?
In this even-laws.
These two knew when I was in safarli.
Eee, you are not sure.
Father! 
Uncle.
Until you tell Viti, I tell you.
Me and Viti we ...
They do! 
You know, to know.
Welcome!
If not you sorry?
Comoaro, father hoped that was very, very nice.
Nice and not say.
I was Viþelu and restaurant and a time.
How the restaurant?
I hope that was empty.
But how full of people, disturbing.
A and says ...
There are things that are wrong.
But the time has come, to be the shelves that I got thinking.
I did.
I said, and are better.
Ceausescu!
Sure, modern youth knew Sheet.
Romanticism zero.
Speaking of romanticism Massimino, not with this story, f .. better and at the end me and you?
Leave them alone.
We have 15 hours of flight before. 
Eh!
No bird can escape.
It is useless!
Hopefully this trip will go well.
Lord, help us!
Now I pick up the larvae.
But how?
But go traficanþii that gorge, with those eggs full of drugs.
In contrast, a researcher is stopped because inocenþii sees Come!
Shame.
Yes. 
It's a shame. 
But now what?
Excuse me, is a personal curiosity.
At this point, where the larvae?
What is happening? 
Sit quietly know.
A little turbulence! 
It is normal.
Loved one is normal. 
It's normal.
Flotter give a little.
What you say!
Ready. 
Speaks Italian.
Do not bilbaii even by air.
But you look and Ute?
Para and Ute. 
You!
He and Tita to stay quiet.
It's been turbulence.
Quiet you know?
At what height we?
Boo!
Altimeter is not working!
I think at 1500-1600 meters.
See what beautiful is, elefanþii are as ants.
Martha, what do you do?
Martha!
Ceausescu! 
Martha!
They threw all my money, I rubbed.
No, and we are frecaþi.
We are out of gas.
A lady!
Give me quickly, and seek a pear.
Quickly.
But it's only one!
First, ladies and children. 
No kids!
Then take Suzana!
No darling, I leave you.
That's how you will die!
Better dead than without you.
What is happening here?
Take it you!
How should I have it?
Seems fair right? 
Yes it is just you are brother the best and I must protect you.
You're the biggest, but also and the best.
Let's go!
Listen brother, I do not know how to tell you ...
Seeing that I was .... trebuiþi
I take this bag, you do not need.
Consider it my Christmas gift.
Hello!
So, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year.
Merry Christmas, because ...
And FAL are!
And FAL is that!
Thy Death!
Let's take and fill height.
He was right to aunts Franca, who has a brother, is a treasure.
Baby, you're sure you speak Italian you?
Gentlemen and time, that's good time.
We had a fantastic idea.
Who had I had a fantastic idea.
What idea?
I did as I traficanþii.
To carry the larvae underground in Italy.
I swallowed! 
Yes, yes.
But you're two fools. 
Those after two hours with stomach heat, is turning.
And we since I left?
Here is the master, you know that I left Cape Town for two hours.
And weather conditions are good.
Damn!
Translation and adaptation, __me2u4u__

You look pretty, baby.
What you so sad for, tia?
I'm the one behind glass.
Stop it, Chris.
It's not funny.
What happened?
Guess I was just born unlucky.
It's not about luck, baby.
It's about bad life choices.
Tia, the jewelry store should have been easy.
Till three cops came in the front door.
That's called bad luck.
I couldn't make bail, Chris.
You ain't got nothing saved up?
I got $200.
I've been paying that stupid credit card bill.
What about Donnie?
You call him?
Yeah.
I mean, I called him, but...
He got cleaned out at the track.
You know what? 
It's all good.
I'm getting out sooner than you think.
I'm going to make everything right.
Novak, time's up.
Let's walk you over to the courthouse.
Let's go.
Annie!
You're late.
It's Harris county court, so everything's 15 minutes late.
I'm not.
No, Luke, you are always on time.
You dress to impress.
I'm dressed for court.
Mm-hmm.
Ties look kind of funny on a marshal.
I'm going to pretend that those aren't, what, Gucci loafers?
They were a present.
Shiny.
All right.
Keys, phone, and...
Challenge coin.
Yeah. 
Thank you.
You guys actually carry the challenge coin. 
That's cool.
- Yeah.
- Uh, you don't, you don't remember me, do you?
Uh, Trevor Hannigan.
We spoke last month?
Trevor, right. 
Yeah.
Yeah, you wanted to join the task force.
Yes ma'am.
I'm applying. 
Yeah.
Got my paperwork all squared away.
I thought maybe you could take a look.
Mm. 
All right.
I tell you what.
You send the application to my office.
I'll take a look at it.
Don't call me ma'am.
Course not.
Sorry about that.
Do yourself a favor.
Make sure you really want it.
All of it.
This is temporary holding.
Your, uh, judge is running a little late, so we'll hang out here.
Wrists.
What are you staring at?
Let's go.
Now.
Hey, hold up a sec.
We're already late.
Luke.
Hey!
What's going on with you lately?
Nothing. 
I'm fine.
All right, well, if you have a problem with the task force, you come to me.
You don't talk to a new recruit.
I-I just haven't been sleeping much.
There's a lot of hard parts to this job.
Yeah.
But nobody ever talks about it.
You know, I-I-I don't know if that's a marshals thing, or a Texas thing.
Probably a little of both.
I mean, is that what you want, Luke?
You want to talk about it?
I guess I just don't feel like I belong.
Why is that?
I mean...
You haven't even given me my challenge coin yet.
You know, I figured I'd earned it by now.
All that matters is that you're on the team.
Well, why do I still feel like I'm at tryouts?
You tell me.
U.S. marshals. 
Out of the way.
U.S. marshals.
You wearing a vest?
No, you?
You got him?
Two others went out the front door.
Both armed?
One of them is.
Got a sheriff's deputy in pursuit... young kid.
Trevor Hannigan.
Trevor?
Trevor, hey.
You stay with me, huh?
You hear me?
Stay with me.
Where's your tie? 
Put it around his legs. 
Stop the bleeding.
He needs an ambulance, man.
He needs an ambulance!
Already on the way.
All right.
All right, come here.
You're going to take over.
Put your hand there.
What do you know about the shooter?
The name's Chris novak.
Black guy; 5-foot-10.
Checked him in for arraignment this morning.
He was a low-risk prisoner.
All right. 
You call heat.
Tell them we got an escape from county court.
Two suspects on the ground.
I wanna know how this kid makes out, all right?
Luke! 
Let's go!
- Watch out. 
Watch out.
- Out of the way!
U.S. marshals!
Coming through! 
Move!
Move!
Hey!
I don't see them.
Two prisoners.
Orange jumpsuits.
- That way. 
They went that way.
- That way.
Get inside!
Now! 
Stay off the street!
You see?
Perfect spiral.
God, I'm good.
You know you got a stack of paperwork, right? 
Mm-hmm.
And a perfect cup of coffee to go with them.
Hey!
Don't fall asleep on us, cowboy.
Easy, hurricane.
Natalie and I had a dinner date.
At 2:00 A.M.
2:00 A.M.?
Yeah. 
She's been working these crazy hours.
It's the only time we could find.
See. 
That's exactly why I don't date.
No?
Then what do you call it?
Call what?
What?
!
I don't know what you're talking about.
What? 
I don't, I don't...
I bet you Luke does.
You didn't think I knew about that?
Guys! 
We gotta move.
What's wrong, Marco?
Prisoner escape at county court.
We've got two officers down.
Annie and Luke are at the courthouse.
Ramirez, Brady, Johnson... this way.
Move!
Move!
Is there a back door through here?
Is there a back door?
Where's the back door?
He doesn't speak English!
Are you listening to me?
!
- You see him?
- There.
Door's through the back.
Dr. Sands, a building collapsed a couple blocks away.
Possible crush injury to two boys.
Veronica's trapped with them.
You've got to be kidding me.
I mean, I'm sorry.
Is she all right?
Okay, let's go.
hello.
Hey, what are you doing?
You want to grab some lunch?
Hey. 
Are you here?
Yeah, I'm here.
There's a bunch of guys working up here.
And they're gonna get you out, but it's gonna take a while.
You okay? 
No.
It's getting a little tight down here.
How 'bout you throw down a handful of Xanax?
You made a joke.
That's a good sign.
I wasn't kidding.
Okay, well, they're working to shore up the exterior walls.
If those collapse, things are gonna get a lot worse.
Great. 
What about the snakes?
When are they coming?
Tell me about the kid's arm.
Hey, they dropped an air hose!
Hey, maybe we'll be on the news.
Jonah, head in the game.
Hey, so his arm is crushed and pinned at mid humerus.
He's in a lot of pain.
There's no distal pulses.
There's no circulation.
He's gonna lose his arm.
Okay, so what do I do?
Well, you could amputate.
Have you lost your mind?
By the time we get through there down to you, his arm's gonna be dead.
If you amputate now, we could try for replantation.
It's the best chance you have of saving him.
No, Chris, I don't--
I don't think I can do that.
Sure you can.
We're gonna find a hole, and we're gonna send down some morphine and surgical instruments.
Chris--
Listen, Veronica, you can do this.
Here's what's going on.
The doctors up top are real concerned about your arm.
It's so crushed that you're losing circulation.
So what we're gonna do is take it off so that we can put it back on later.
No, no, please.
You can't take off my arm.
You're gonna be okay.
Haven't you ever seen The Empire Strikes Back?
Luke Skywalker got his hand put right back on.
Yeah, that wasn't his hand though.
They put a robot hand on him.
Hey, Jonah, why don't you shut up?
Okay, we just sent down the gigli saw.
Okay.
Jonah, you're gonna be my nurse.
I don't wanna be the nurse.
I wanna be the doctor.
No way.
Nurses are way cooler than doctors.
Doctors are a-holes,
Take it from me.
I can hear you.
Hmm.
Okay, put your gloves on.
Now, Patrick, you're gonna have to be brave, but I know you can do it.
Is it gonna hurt? 
No.
Just a little pinch.
There you go.
You're gonna get sleepy.
All right, ketamine's on board.
Okay, make a circular incision right down to the bone.
Go right next to the I-beam and keep the stump as long as possible.
Have you ever done this before?
She knows this procedure.
We did a whole bunch of these in Iraq.
You guys were in the war? 
Cool.
All right, Jonah,
There's gonna be a lot of blood.
So I'm gonna need you to squeeze around his upper arm as hard as you can.
Okay, after you do the incision, there's gonna be three pumpers- radial, ulnar, brachial.
You gotta get hemostats on them as fast as you can.
I'm gonna make the incision.
Whoa.
Hey, Chlo, how you doing?
How's Andy?
He's still in surgery.
I never should have interfered.
Hey, you were trying to do the right thing.
But if I hadn't told his coach, then he wouldn't have gone to Delaney's, and he wouldn't have gotten so angry, and he wouldn't have hit his head.
Chloe, craniotomy went well.
He opened his eyes.
We're nowhere near out of the woods, but it's a lot better than expected.
Good call.
That's great. 
Thanks, Joe.
You okay?
Huh?
Have you, you know, eaten something today?
Uh, I don't know. 
No.
Well, then-- um, make sure she eats something.
Really?
You're selling the Porsche?
Don't tell me you're the buyer.
Why? 
Jules, you were there.
You heard your dad say cough up a million dollars, so I'm having a garage sale.
Okay, so give me a good price.
Dom is threatening to take away my medical license.
I don't have time to fool around.
Give me the keys, let me check it out.
Ah, we did have some fun in this car.
Oh.
Remember driving out to the Hamptons, going, like, 120?
Oh, God, I remember that cop that pulled us over.
As soon as he saw your license,
I thought he was gonna wash our windows.
Yeah.
I always did get you out of trouble.
I can now.
Look, Jules, we had a good run, all right?
But I'm a different person now.
I just think we're a bad influence on each other.
You have to admit, I mean, we did have some chemistry.
Yeah. 
Yeah.
I'll give you that. 
Okay.
And you don't miss us at all?
No.
Really?
Not at all.
Not even a little.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Jules, Jules, hold on.
What? 
When did you become such a priss?
You can't even see through the windows.
It's not that. 
It's just--
You're gonna buy the car, right?
You are unbelievable. 
Really?
Yes, I will buy the car.
Now shut up.
Jules, Jules, hold on.
You're not stopping, huh?
Joe?
Are you in there, joe?
Hey. 
Dan, what's up?
I understand you're selling a Katana?
Yeah, come see me later about it.
As any worthy enthusiast would, of course I've read my yamato--
Yeah, Dan, really not a good time.
But if it is, as advertised, an authentic Shinshinto era sword, I--
Joe, are you all right?
I'll send a cashier's check.
Oh, man, don't you guys have a power saw for that?
Not today.
Oh, man, gross.
Okay, through the bone, Chris.
Crap.
I think we lost a hemostat.
It looks like a big pumper.
Pulse is weak. 
He may need fluids.
I can't move him like this.
Listen to me, is it medial or lateral side?
Uh, medial.
Superficial or deep?
Superficial.
Okay, it's the superior ulnar collateral artery.
Find the biggest vein, the basilic, you got that?
I think I got it.
Below that's the ulnar nerve.
Under that, take a big bite of the triceps.
I think I got it.
Yeah, I got it.
I got it, Chris.
You're in charge of the arm, okay?
Do you smell smoke?
Yeah.
I do.
Hey, Chris, there's smoke.
Hey, Chris, what's going on?
Hello?
Battery's dead.
Hey, how the hell'd the fire start?
Get me a company on exposure four.
It could have been electrical.
It could have been solvents or old paint.
Is it gonna be okay?
My wife's in there.
We got a third hose on the north side.
10-4.
Look, we're doing the best we can.
Bad news.
You're gonna be the bearer of bad news.
Like right now.
You were wrong, Evelyn.
You're not having a heart attack.
It's true, Evelyn.
Sinus rhythm at 80. 
No ectopy.
No st segment or "t" wave abnormalities.
This is a completely normal ekg.
Yep, time to go, but you probably already knew that 'cause you're psychic.
You really should come in for a reading sometime.
Well, I would but I had a bad experience with a ouija board, so... you know, it really bothers him that you're so cynical.
You guys are really gonna have to work on that.
Bothers who?
What are you talking about?
Look out! 
Oh!
Ahh!
Need a crash cart.
She's in "v" fib.
Charge to 360.
Clear.
I got a pulse.
Not a heart attack, but close.
Crazy bitch was right.
Huh, kinda feel bad now.
Hey, Tom.
Hey. 
You have it?
Yep, I got it.
Whoa, whoa, watch it, man.
I'm gonna propose today.
It's a ring, Tom.
So talk to me, man.
Tell me about this ring.
Any bad juju?
It is my grandmother's.
Yeah, my grandfather proposed right before he was sent off to Iwo Jima.
It was a suicide mission.
My grandmother never took that ring off even though he was missing ten months.
They were married 57 years.
That's beautiful, man.
Yeah. 
Cash or check?
They pulled the air hose!
Just trying to put the fire out.
Do you see any other openings?
Over here, over here.
I can't breathe.
Here.
Take that, put it over your mouth like this.
It'll help filter the smoke.
Jonah.
Jonah, wake up.
Come on, sweetie.
We can't breathe!
We're dying down here!
Stay low.
Are we gonna die?
Jonah, wake up.
Jonah.
Jonah, come on.
Help!
Hey!
We're over here!
Okay, okay.
How do you get into these situations?
I don't know.
I-I saw a chair.
Okay.
All right.
Are you open to some feedback?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm psychic.
And when you were a little girl, somebody touched you, and it wasn't okay.
No, that didn't happen at all, but thank you
For the uncomfortable and inaccurate feedback.
Hi.
What do you want?
You are not my only patient.
I can't eat this food.
Where's my vicodin?
You don't get vicodin.
But I can get you some motrin.
Stupid nurse.
Oh. 
Hi.
I just heard about what happened.
I can't believe we didn't know.
No, I'm fine. 
How's Andy?
Briggs said he'd page me if there's a change,
But right now he's doing better.
Great.
Do you guys want to get a drink after this?
Yeah, good idea.
You should definitely go pound some alcohol tonight.
Hey, girls, do you mind if we--
No, you can have her.
Bye.
Okay.
Deep breath for me.
How's Patrick?
Surgery's going great.
He should have return of function after a lot of therapy.
That's great. 
Yeah.
Hey, you know, um,
Thanks for talking me through today.
I don't know what I woulda done without you.
Another deep breath.
Okay.
Your wheezing has resolved.
Means your carbon monoxide is back to normal.
So you can go home.
Thanks.
What?
Oh, hey.
Here is your sandwich.
They didn't have turkey so--
What?
I almost die and I can't have a turkey sandwich?
Would you let me finish?
I got you a turkey sandwich.
Just had to go to a different place is all.
Okay, well, I should go check back in on Patrick,
Just giving you the update.
Wait, hey.
Are you sure that's all?
Yeah.
It was--it was great working with you today, Veronica.
Yeah?
Turned out okay.
What is it? 
What's happening?
Andy was doing well after the surgery.
Then his ICP went through the roof and he blew a pupil.
Did you take him back to the O.R.?
He failed his apnea test.
No electrical activity in the E.E.G.
No cerebral blood flow.
He's brain dead.
I'm sorry, Chloe.
Mr. and Mrs. Wescott.
I'm Chloe Payne.
I was--
I was a friend of Andy's.
Chloe, of course.
Andy told us so much about you.
I'm so sorry.
You meant a lot to him.
He was such a nice boy, Mrs. Wescott.
Andy had said he wanted to be an organ donor, and they won't let us be there when that happens.
I know he's gone.
In my head, I know that.
But the thought of him being all by himself when they--
I could be with him.
I can do that.
I'm still his nurse.
Thank you.
I've had three drinks, and I don't feel anything.
Welcome to my world.
I don't know if I can do this anymore.
Do what?
Be a nurse.
You made it better today, Chloe.
You made it better for his parents.
Hey.
Hey, guys. 
Sonia, you got a second?
Yeah, I do.
Hey, how are you doing?
It's good to see you.
Yeah. 
These are for you.
Paperwork for the restraining order against Paul Kempton.
Paperwork, right.
Business.
What'd you think it was gonna be?
I don't know, Nick.
Tickets to the Bahamas, mix cd, a card saying, "let's get back together."
What's it gonna take?
I can't come up with new, better, different ways to apologize.
Sonia, you made a chump outta me.
And the only excuse you ever managed to come up with is that you got scared, and that really sucks
And it's not good enough. 
I know.
I don't need you to apologize anymore.
It's humiliating for both of us.
I just--
I need to know that the next time you get scared you're not gonna go and get naked with the first rich guy you see.
No.
No, it's you.
I just want you.
That's a long-ass kiss.
Yeah, it is.
I gotta go check on my porn boys.
Come on, Chloe.
I'm taking you home.
No, I'm good.
Thanks.
What do you mean--
What do you mean I have to pay taxes on everything?
That's a $300,000 oversight, Norm.
I can't go to these people and ask them for more time.
This is my medical license we're talking about, okay?
If I'm not a doctor, I'm nothing.
I don't have any other options.
I'm screwed, and you're fired.
Hey, Payne.
You did good today.
You were thinking clearly,
You didn't let your emotions get in the way,
And you were aggressive with your ideas.
It didn't work.
That's the thing about hail marys,
They usually don't.
Sometimes they do.
They just--
They just kept telling me how much I meant to him.
I just felt so horrible,
Because half the time I was with Andy,
I was trying to get out of it.
I just think he'd have been so much better off
Had he not met me.
Come here. 
Person--
Hey, hey, hey.
And he just didn't deserve that.
Shh, shh, shh.
Payne, a girl like you,
You're a whole life.
I don't know what that means.
It means you're levels above the rest of us, okay?
The heart you have, how you care about people,
Not everybody has that, believe me.
Listen.
I can't imagine anybody
Being better off not knowing you.
I gotta go.
Ha.
Tom, yeah, listen, it's Joe Briggs.
Listen, I need that ring back.
Oh. 
Hello, psychic.
I'm sorry about today.
I'm--I'm usually right on.
Oh, he's the one that got touched.
What? 
Nothing.
I don't do negative readings.
You can't just say something like that
And walk away.
Okay.
Okay.
Things are gonna change.
What does that even mean, things are gonna--
Things are always changing.
Things are changing right now.
You're walking away from me.
See, things have changed.
Hi, Dan.
What are you doing here so late?
What do you think?
He's thrown off the whole rotation.
It's a complete disaster.
What are you talking about?
Chris Sands, he resigned today.
I think there's still some ice cream cake in the freezer.
What do you mean, he resigned?
Are you kidding?
He didn't tell you?
His plane left for Afghanistan an hour ago.
No. 
Nobody told me.
And there's ice cream cake in the freezer?
What are you even saying to me?
All right, calm down, Veronica, please.
Dan, I don't understand.
He just left?
And he didn't say good-bye?
That's crazy, right?
He just--
He just went into a war zone and didn't even mention it?
I guess he moved on.
But...
Oh! 
Yes!
Bobby, that box is marked " fragile."
That's just great.
Ryan tripped me with his giant foot.
All right, guys.
Hey, should we go on a beer run?
No, let's just get this done
Without breaking anything else.
Okay, bed's all put together.
Come on.
All right, look it.
Hey, hey, hey. 
Oh!
Good. 
Yeah.
Thank you.
Pick up the mattress, dummies.
Oh, yeah. 
Oh, yeah.
Watch it.
Hey.
Hey, this is a nice bed.
Where'd you get the bed?
Heather and Tim.
We got a California King.
So now Heather won't ever have to touch me again.
Gross. 
They had sex on this bed.
Yeah, twice a year, whether we wanted to or not.
Why'd she get the bed, man?
I'm still sleeping on a futon.
You know I have a bad back.
Dude! 
Ryan!
Oh, my god. 
Nice.
I'm sorry, I just sat on it.
No! 
God!
I can't believe you just- okay, out.
I just sat on it. 
I'm sorry.
I didn't do anything.
Everybody, get out now.
I can't deal with you anymore.
Just leave.
And leave the beer.
Leave everything.
Bye. 
Out now, please.
Don't forget to lock the door at night.
I'll be fine.
Call if you need anything, huh?
Yeah, I'll be okay, dad.
Maybe somebody should sit with you tonight.
Are you gonna call that doctor guy?
Oh, no. 
He left.
Like, for good.
He went back to Afghanistan to run a hospital.
Is he crazy?
It's what he wanted to do, I guess.
I'm sorry, sweetie.
You know, this might sound unreasonable,
But I was kinda hoping he'd just, like,
Wait around patiently
Until I decided what I wanted to do.
Is that wrong?
Well, he's a man.
You know, he's gotta do what he needs to do.
Yeah, yeah.
I guess I was just hoping for a little more time.
More time.
Yeah, that's what we all want, huh?
You know, people come in and out of your life
And that's just how it is.
Sometimes they surprise you, and they come back.
The ones who don't,
Well, you just miss 'em.
You just gotta live in, you know,
The moment.
You know, be grateful for what you got.
Yeah.
I know.
This is a sweet little place.
I got a good feeling about what's ahead.
I am very proud of you, Veronica Flanagan.
Thanks, dad.
Yeah.
Hi.
Hi. 
I'm looking for Dr. Briggs.
Yeah, he'll be right back.
Are you a nurse?
Yeah, I'm Chloe.
Juliana Fattore.
Fattore. 
Yeah, Joe's fiancee.
Can't believe I'm saying that out loud for the first time,
But it just happened.
Wanna see the ring?
Yeah. 
Wow.
Yeah. 
That's a ring.
Isn't that great? 
Yeah, it's--
It's great.
Oh, Joe.
Hi, I'm sorry.
I'm just being a girl.
Oh, great, so you've met.
It's a beautiful ring.
Congratulations. 
Thanks.
Excuse me.
What's wrong?
Chlo-bug, you in there?
Screw it.
I'm gonna go to medical school.
Huh?
I'm gonna be a doctor.
Mike.
Hey, I heard your brothers broke your bed.
I'll come over and fix it.
No, no, you don't have to do that.
I can do it myself.
Come on, this apartment's a big step for you.
Let me just come over and help.
Yeah, okay, moving's a bitch.
You want me to pick up some chinese food?
Yes, yes.
But can you get the green beans with no oil and also the--
Kung pao chicken, I know.
I'll get extra spicy, I got it.
Okay, but give me an hour.
I'm gonna take a bath.
Oh, I better come over now then.
Mike.
I'll see you soon.
♪ have mercy on me, baby ♪
♪ I'm down on my knees ♪
♪ have mercy on me, baby ♪
♪ I'll do just as you please ♪
♪ well, you know that I love you ♪
Are you seeing this?
We are hearing reports now that the pakistani Taliban is claiming responsibility for the terrorist attack that occurred just moments ago.
It is the latest attack in a surge of violence
In that region,
Following the recent Pakistani crackdown on al-Qaeda and the Taliban.
For those of you who may just be tuning in,
Dozens are feared dead
After a suicide bomber attack at Peshawar International Airport.
Passengers on a plane originating in New York had just arrived when the bomb was detonated.
Among those still unaccounted for are american relief workers en route to Afghanistan.
Hey, do you need some help?
No, we're fine.
Why don't you let her answer?
Excuse me?
Hey, watch it!

Previously on "survivor."
In the battle of old versus young, the younger tribe was thriving.
Hands down, we're the bomb.
Their hierarchy was clearly established: 
Brenda, chase, naonka and sash were on top.
It's a great feeling to know you other on the side of the numbers and have control of this.
Alina and Kelly B.
Were at the bottom.
I don't like you.
Never have liked you.
I don't need no charity case on the jury.
Drop your buffs.
We are switching tribes.
But a surprise switch put old and young on both tribes.
It is la flor wearing yellow versus espada wearing blue.
At the new la flor, the young people were in control.
We're 5-3.
Looks good.
And they took Jane under their wing.
I like these kids!
Despite showing everyone his hidden immunity idol, Marty ended up at the top of sash and Brenda's hit list.
He's coming in our home and already setting up like he's the king.
Fabio wins it for la flor!
When the new espada tribe lost the immunity challenge, holly joined up with the young people.
I have a better chance at going farther with the kids.
Even though Dan with his bad knee was a physical liability to the tribe, the young decided that Tyrone was a bigger threat.
Tyrone right now, Tyrone...
At tribal council, everyone voted against Tyrone except for yve who wasn't told about the youngsters' plans.
Tyrone, the tribe has spoken.
Good luck, guys.
15 are left.
Who will be voted out tonight.
Ten days ago I was ready to get out of here and if one lesson I've learned out here is quitting is an easy way out.
If you can't handle the rain, the wind, you should have thought of that before you came.
You signed up for something, suck it up and finish.
So what happened?
Why do I feel like I was let out in the dark with you and Danny so much.
Because I would have been fine with that.
Tyrone?
Yeah.
I don't know ifñr Danny and I felt that because you had an alliance with him.
No.
No, I didn't.
It surprises me that holly believed that Tyrone and I were in an alliance and that's why they couldn't tell me because we weren't.
It's going to be tough for me, but I'm not walking out of here without a fight.
I was kind of thinking you and I had each other's backs a bit because now I'm feeling like a fish out of water.
Maybe we need to be a little bit more open and honest with each other.
Because... well... 
But Danny told me this this morning that he's done.
He said "I think I'm done."
And I said "why?"
And he said "I can't take this weather and this hut."
I don't want to throw anybody under the bus, but Danny doesn't want to be here anymore.
So I'll take that information and I'll work around that.
That's the same "Survivor."
You've got to do what you've got to do to stay alive.
I think they are starting to appreciate us.
You get up, the dishes are clean.
Like at home, mom clean it is dishes.
I feel like we went from being, like, in a serious drama before arriving here and I feel like I just fell into, like,
"bill and Ted's excellent adventure."
The young tribe is like 180 degrees from where we came from.
We would get up, get wood, fish and these guys sleep all day.
I don't know.
But we've been dealt a very bad hand by coming on to a team in minority numbers.
I feel like the young ones bonded and bonded really strong.
So I definitely feel like they'd get rid of us in a heart beat if they could.
Morning, fabio.
Morning.
How are you, man?
Doing well.
Even though we all are called la flor, it's still younger tribe and older tribe.
Well, actually it's younger tribe plus Jane.
(Laughs)
Look at Jane.
Jane blend in right away because she just a natural genuine helper.
So if we go to tribal council, I think what I want to do is have three people vote for Marty, three people vote for Jill.
That way you flush out the idol and whatever happens, one of them is going home.
Come on in, guys!
La flor getting your first look at the new espada tribe.
Tyrone voted out at the last tribal council.
Awesome for us.
Guys ready to get to today's immunity challenge?
Yes, sir.
First thing's first.
Fabio, I will take it back.
Tribal immunity is not what you're playing for today.
Individual immunity is what you seek.
Because tonight both tribes are going tribal council.
Both tribes will vote somebody out of this game.
There are two individual immunity necklaces because one person from each tribe will win immunity, will be safe at tonight's vote.
Here's how it works.
On my go you'll race out into an individual digging area.
You'll use a paddle to dig up a rope ring.
Toss it over your shoulder into into a basket on your backside then race it back to the start.
The first person to get all three rings wins immunity, is safe from the vote, and moves on to the final round where you will compete for tribal reward.
In the final round, the winner from each tribe will square off in a ring toss.
First person to land all three of their rings on the target wins a feast for their tribe.
Here's how it works: 
The winning tribe will go to tribal council first and vote somebody out.
You will then listen in on the other tribe's tribal council while you feast on chicken and beef kebobs.
Worth playing?
Yes!
Absolutely.
All right.
We'll draw for spots, we'll get started.
All right, espada lost the rock paper scissor, they're going first.
One person will win immunity from this tribe.
Here we go.
Survivors ready?
Go.
There are three rope rings buried in the sand.
Once you find one, toss it over your shoulder, land it in the basket and take it to the start.
Dan drops his ring.
Alina gives it a shot, just misses.
Holly has her first ring off to a quick start.
Alina lands her first one.
Yve lands her first one.
Benry lands his first one.
Holly with her second ring and lands it.
Holly now in the lead with two!
One ring left.
Dan still struggling.
Alina drops her second one.
Benry with a nice toss!
Benry on the board with his second one.
Chase has his first!
Dan still nowhere.
It is holly, alina, and benry each looking for their final ring.
Alina has hers, can she land it?
No.
Holly scores her final ring!
Holly moving on to the final!
(Applause)
Nicely done, holly.
Good job, holly.
Holly, safe from the vote tonight.
You'll compete with the winner from la flor for a tribal feast.
Espada, hit your mats.
La flor, you're up.
All right, la flor now seeking individual immunity.
Survivors ready?
Go!
One member of la flor will take on holly in the final.
Sash has his first one.
Brenda lands her first one.
Brenda and sash both with one ring.
Fabio has his first ring.
Marty lands his first one!
Jill has her first one.
Kelly B. Has her first.
Everybody on the board except Jane and purple Kelly.
Jane has first first, heading back.
Marty has his second.
Kelly B. Has her second.
Jill has her second.
We got a race!
It is Jill, Marty, and Kelly B.
Looking for their last rings.
Jill has her last ring.
Can she land it?
No.
Kelly B. Now has her third.
Just misses.
Another shot.
Jill lands her final ring!
Jill wins immunity and will take on holly in the final for a feast.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Jill is safe from the vote.
Jill, you will take on holly for a tribal feast.
Let's move.
Here we go.
First to land all three rings on a hook wins feast for their tribe.
Survivors ready?
Go.
Two freedom the original older tribe squaring off in this challenge.
Slow it down!
Jill and holly.
Yes!
Holly lands her first ring.
Jill, you've got it, take your time.
Get in the zone!
Nice!
Jill lands her first ring and the second ring.
Jill and holly both with two!
One ring left!
Jill or holly can win it right here.
Go, Jill!
Holly just misses.
(Cheers and applause).
Jill wins feast for la flor.
We're gonna eat!
All right, here's what's going to happen.
Tonight, la flor you will go to tribal council and vote somebody out then listen in on espada's tribal council and while doing so, you will feast on chicken and beef kebobs.
La flor, espada, see you tonight at tribal council.
Grab your stuff, head back to camp.
Hey, we're the winners!
Just such a good feeling to know we're gonna eat tonight.
I want to thank Brenda for picking me to be on this team.
One, two, three la flor!
The little one, two, three, la flor!
That was totally fake.
I mean, Jill and Marty, come on.
You could see that they're working their minds, they're working their own little thing.
You just feel it.
But worst-case scenario happened.
Jill won individual immunity, Marty has the hidden immunity idol so now we're stuck.
But we will somehow vote someone out that we don't want.
So what I was thinking... tell me if you were thinking the same thing... we split the votes, three votes for Marty and three votes for Kelly B.
We tell Kelly B., though, that our three votes are going for Jane.
Yup.
Just that easy.
That easy.
Okay, cool.
Cool.
Since Jill won the individual immunity today, our whole strategy kind of changes at this point.
So the plan for tonight is we'll split the vote between Marty and
Kelly B. And hopefully flush the idol.
Coconut!
I'm excited about the plan that we have in store because
Kelly B. Has never been a part of our alliance.
She was gunning for me from the start, plus she has a fake leg.
So I think people would give Kelly B. A million dollars because they feel bad for her.
And, you know, you can't afford to have someone like that around.
So we need to split three and three?
I mean, I like Jane but I feel like our hand was forced.
I really wanted to see Jane around here for as long as we could keep her but I've been on the outs with the la flor group so the best thing I can do is kind of lay low and vote with everyone else.
Tonight's tribal council is not going to be easy because I have to, like, make sure all these pieces are set.
And you never know with fabio what he's going to do.
I mean, he's clueless so it's going to be a little complicated.
Dude, I've not told anybody this, not even on my own tribe, but I am a grand master in Chez.
And have you ever heard of guillermo vila before?
, no man, all I've heard of is Bobby fischer.
Well, he's an Argentine grand master and when I was a kid I beat him twice.
And when you want to talk later, man...
I'm taking orders, bro.
If you want to make the biggest move of this game ever in "Survivor," I've got it all laid out.
Actually, I'm not a grand master in which he is.
The Argentine grand master of all time, gee guillermo vilas, s one of the greatest tennis players of all time but has nothing to do with which he is.
I can pull anything out of the '70s on these guys and they wouldn't know.
And you know what the beauty is?
You don't have to make any decisions.
When Marty says I am a grand master in chess, I'm just think ing, d'uh, like it does make sense, man h.
He's always talking about it's a numbers game and you can see him doing all these numbers in his head and I'm, like, sign me up.
It sounds like a good deal, you know?
You can never be too cocky, you can never be too confident.
But if I can pull this off it could be a whole new ball game.
Fire this baby up.
I just kept tossing and tossing and I was like...
Oh, don't worry about it.
For me to win individual immunity is good but at the same point the other tribe gets to watch our tribal council, they get to eat in front of us.
So it's not gonna be a lot of fun.
I just kept thinking about our food.
For tonight's vote, I have individual immunity and the four young espada members definitely have the numbers advantage so at this point I feel like I have to go with the majority and the choices tonight for who we can vote for are Dan and yve.
So what are your thoughts on tonight?
I don't know.
I'm getting exhausted with this stuff.
What do you mean by that?
Exactly what I said.
It's very hard being here and living here.
The food situation is bad, weather situation is bad, everything's bad.
And I don't need the money.
I got a range recovery, I got a Ferrari.
Why am n the world am I doing this?
When you talked to me this morning I guess I just want to know...
That's not gonna happen.
Okay, you can't quit.
I feel like Dan wants to give up but now he told me he's not wanting to go home.
He needs to be honest because if he doesn't want to be here, there's people that want to be here.
What are you thinking?
I mean, I think it should be yve that goes.
I'd much wrath Gore to the merge with Danny.
I personally want to get rid of yve tonight because I don't want to take her to the merge.
She's a smart player.
She's here to play for the million dollars.
Dan I know for a fact he's not a threat to me whatsoever so it's really a no-brainer tonight for me to want to vote yve out.
Regardless, us four, if we stick together...
Four young.
Yeah.
I know.
We're set.
I know.
The dynamic between the four original la flor guys is s we say we trust each other, the only one I really truly trust is naonka.
Benry and alina, think they could switch like that.
Best scenario for me tonight?
It could possibly be to keep yve.
Here's what we're facing.
If we keep losing we have to think about this.
Yve's kind of close to me so I think she would trust me.
Dan, the only thing he could be swayed possibly by benry to blind side me or something.
Chase and I, we are really confused on who we would want out.
If it was my choice, I would choose Dan to go home because there's no way that if we continue keeping him in this game we're gonna win.
Dan's knees are about to crack.
He's about to start walking on his knees.
Sooner or later he's about to be walking on inubs.
Holly won immunity and the young tribe, they're pretty tight so it's me or Dan.
And we've been to a lot of tribals when Dan's name gets written down but he's not voted out.
Maybe he's just got a little someone sitti on his shoulder watching out for him that I'm hoping jumps ship and comes over to my shoulder tonight.
I have to tell you girls, I sure as hell don't want to go home and I'm here committed 100% of the time.
At this point it's still a tribe game so obviously we need strong people.
I think it's got to be Dan.
Holly said this morning he said "I'm done."
And I'm not here to quit halfway.
And out of the three of us when we do American, I know all three of them on the other side more intimately than they do.
Which would completely benefit you two.
So anyway, I just wanted to say that.
No, I think we were already on the same page.
All right.
Yve came up to me and naonka and she said "I'm value to believe you guys because when we get to the merge I have good relationships with the old espada tribe."
And I'm thinking if we get you to the merge and you have good relationships, what makes us think you're not going to switch on us?
Clearly didn't isn't strong physically.
But the problem with yve is that yve is playing really hard.
So in my head I went, wow, that's the perfect arguement to get rid of her.
100%.
Dan's getting tired.
He did say to me this morning he was like "I'm done."
I think it's always most important to keep the tribe strong physically, but at the same time, I think yve might do whatever it takes to get herself further in the game.
So she could be very dangerous.
Just need to make for sure this is the right thing to do.
You guys got to tell me what to think.
This is getting down to the wire.
Do not follow your heart, follow your gut.
It would be Dan because what if we have another challenge that's superphysical and his knees hurt?
Then what?
First chase wanted to vote for Dan, now it sounds like chase wants yve taken out.
Okay, that's what you guys want to do, tell me.
Tell me right now, is that what you guys want know do because
I'll right her name down and I'll smile in her face.
That's outwin.
Yeah.
I just want to feast.
Yeah.
You are safe for tonight.
I'll tell you the plan.
I don't know if you could have guessed it, but we always wanted to get Marty.
They still think I'm with them.
Right.
They've been my enemies from day one.
Well, in our plan you've just got to vote for Marty.
Oh, I will.
I'll do whatever y'all want me to do, honey.
I'm as thick as peanut butter and jailly with the younger la flor tribe so I have a little smile on my face because I believe what goes around comes around because those two never pulled me in to their alliance.
They've been conniving since day one.
So I hope it goes the way Brenda's planned it.
So did she tell you what the plan is?
No.
We're thinking is we've got to flush the idol away from Marty.
So we're thinking that we split the votes.
Three votes for Marty and three votes for Kelly B.
Do we want to flush the idol from Marty?
Why not?
I mean, it's dangerous to have him hold on to it.
Marty's a smart guy, he's going to use his idol tonight, stock?
I don't know.
He will, trust me.
If you vote for Marty...
I don't... man, I like Marty.
Sash wants me to vote for Marty.
But I want Marty to stick around.
He's a smart guy, he's let me in on some of his secrets, you know?
So I feel like I'm kind of in good with him.
It's just too dangerous for him to hold on to that immunity idol until whenever he wants to use it.
If everything goes according to plan, we'll be able to kill a couple birds with one stone.
But fabio is so up in the air all the time who knows which way the wind is blowing this evening so something could go wrong.
I really want to stay in the game.
Anything I can do.
I don't want to go home.
Brenda and I were thinking that Jane is gonna go home tonight.
I mean, are you... 
Do you feel comfortable with writing her name down?
Hey, man, you know what this game's all about, you know?
As long as it's not me going home and you guys are straight up and honest about it, that's the way the chips are going to fall than I'm good with that.
I thought with fabio we could maybe shake things up, but I think it's probably too dicey, it's probably safer to go with Jane tonight.
Buys us a little time.
Are we looked on Jane?
Did you talk to sash?
Yeah, that's what he said.
The vote will be determined by what Marty does with the idol.
If he plays the idol, Kelly B. 'S going home.
If Marty doesn't play the idol, it will be a tie.
And we'll have to make a tough decision.
Because Marty is the number-one enemy right now.
Because he's a huge schemer.
But on the other hand, why would you want to keep a pissed off
Kelly B. Who can win the whole thing?
So enemy; 
Kelly B.
I don't know.
Fabio didn't feel comfortable putting his vote for Marty.
What the hell?
I don't know why everybody's talking so much, if it's a lock, you know?
It's a very, very calculated decision to play or not play the idol.
My gut is telling me they will vote for Jane so I'll hang on to it.
It would only buy me one more tribal council anyways.
But it could very well be me going home tonight if I make the wrong decision.
Marty, obvious disparity.
Five young; 
Three old.
Even looking at this group, you and Jill and Jane, you kind of look like you don't maybe fit in.
Yeah, things changed radically.
You here in one position one day and just like that it all changes.
So the important thing is just this tribe is all about winning so if you contribute towards that and do your work around camp I think, you know, things hopefully go your way.
Sash, on day one of this new tribe, what did Marty do to try to make himself worthy?
Very first day Marty kind of called a meeting to not only introduce himself but he also mentioned to us that he was holding on the the hidden immunity idol.
So Marty, you told everybody that you had the hidden immunity idol?
Yeah, I mean, I thought to get off on the best start that I could with this tribe was to come clean and let them know hey, listen, I have the idol, I'm going to hang it right out
on the tree and by doing so hopefully it bought me some good will and showed them what kind of game I've been playing which has been a really, really straight game from day one.
Brenda, on one hand, this is a gesture of good will
"I'm going to let you know I have it."
On the other hand he's saying "watch out, I got it."
Totally.
Definitely, I feel like it's trying to make it look more noble than it really is.
So Marty, now, you have to figure out, are they going to gun for me and try to get me to play it or are they going to tell me I'm safe hoping I won't play it and get rid of
me and the idol in one fell swoop?
Absolutely.
You don't think I've been thinking a about this a little bit?
Just a wee bit over the past few days?
This game is also about trusting people I've talked to as far as
"trust" gets you this this game.
I'm getting mixed vibes.
It would beer the to believe go home with an idol in my pocket but you have to trust your instincts and stay true to them.
Kelly B. Marty says as far as you can trust someone in this game.
How far can you trust someone in this game?
I think, like he said, you have to go with your gut instinct.
You know, people are going to tell you what they need to so I wouldn't trust too many people.
Speaking for Marty or for yourself?
For anyone here.
Because, you know, everyone's got their own intentions.
And so how comfort rbl you tonight?
Terms of trusting these other people?
I feel pretty comfortable tonight.
Jane, how about you?
Do you feel like you're part of the majority?
I mean, they might consider me one of the weaker people as far as strength goes.
Brenda, does Jane have reason to worry?
No, she has to worry for Jill and Marty voting her out.
That's the truth.
I don't understand that.
Come on, Marty.
Me and Jill are two, you guys are five, so that's really sweet of you to put that on me.
But what did you tell me?
She doesn't have to worry about me and Jill so appreciate all that.
What did you tell me today?
That's not...
That's not what we're talking about.
You said what she has to worry about.
What she has to worry about are numbers.
These two numbers here don't add up to a lot.
Five do.
So you're wrong.
I'm just saying you're wrong.
I'm not campaigning for Jane to be out, you guys were.
I know what you're doing.
I'm just saying la flor made the call, I didn't make that call.
But you did say that.
If I approached you it was to get consensus within your tribe to make sure you guys are in agreement.
I never offered up Jane.
Marty feeling more comfortable, less comfortable, same as you were when you walked in?
Probably less comfortable simply because I took these guys at face value and I feel there's a lot of duplicity based on some of the comments made here.
I never initiated a vote on Jane, that would be moronic of me.
That conniving and back stabbing kind of stuff that they said they didn't like makes me feel a little uneasy because I misjudged a little bit in the beginning what I was seeing.
So, yeah, more uncomfortable.
Well, based on what's been said tonight, I couldn't even guess who I think is going home so end the suspense.
Jill, you have individual immunity.
I take it you're keeping that for yourself can not vote for Jill.
Everybody else is fair game.
It's time to vote.
Jill, you're up.
Don't ever fluff off a southern woman.
I ain't no sitting duck, honey.
You're the black widow, king cobra and black ma'am be all rolled in to one.
You might not be going home tonight but the lines have been drawn.
I'll go tally the votes.
If anybody has a hidden immunity idol and you want to play it, now would be the time to do so.
All right.
Once the votes are read, the decision is final.
The person voted out will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately.
I'll read the votes.
First vote: 
Marty.
Marty.
Two votes Marty.
Marty.
Three votes Marty.
Brenda.
Three votes Marty; 
One vote Brenda.
Brenda.
Two votes Brenda.
Kelly B.
Three votes Marty; 
Two votes Brenda; 
One vote Kelly b.
Kelly B.
Three votes Marty; 
Two votes Brenda; 
Two votes Kelly B.
One vote left.
We have a tie.
Marty has three votes, Kelly B.
Has three votes.
We have a tie.
Marty has three votes;
questionable has three votes.
Here's what's going to happen.
Marty, Kelly B. , you will not vote.
Everybody else will vote and you're voting for Marty or Kelly B.
Jane, come get the urn.
You're up first.
I'll go tally the votes.
I'll read the votes.
First vote: 
Marty.
Kelly B.
One vote Marty; 
One vote Kelly B.
Kelly B.
Tw v votes Kelly B. ; one vote Marty.
Kelly B.
That's three votes Kelly B. ; one vote Marty.
Sixth person voted out of "Survivor: 
Nicaragua," Kelly B.
That's four, that's enough.
Need to bring me your torch.
Kelly B., the tribe has spoken.
Time for you to go.
All right.
Here's what's going to happen.
You are now going to listen in on the tribal council of espada while you feast on chicken and beef kebobs.
Go ahead and move across.
Going into tonight, I was pretty sure that there was consensus on the tribe that we were, you know, going to keep the young people together and so to be singled out for whatever reason I just never got a vibe that I did something wrong.
I'm surprised by the decision tonight.
We'll now bring in espada for their tribal council.
La flor just finished their tribal council.
They voted out Kelly B.
They're now going to enjoy a meal while they listen in on your tribal.
La flor, start eating.
Chase, hard to watch that?
It's very hard to watch that.
Naonka, you're not even looking.
I can't look.
I don't want to hurt myself by looking over there.
How is it, fabio?
(Mouth full)
So good, man, so good.
You would ask him, huh?
Holly, tough to sit here having to vote somebody out while watching another tribe feast?
It's very hard.
I'd have rather given up my individual immunity for the tribe to be sitting over there tonight.
Dan, you can hear the ice cubes plunking in the glasses.
If it's not a Martini, it doesn't bother me.
(Laughter).
What does bother you?
Nothing.
If things bothered me, I wouldn't be here.
Getting voted out of this game, will that bother you if it happens?
That would bother me, yes.
So, yve, why would he say nothing bothers you?
That was the answer he gave you but when you hear him around camp constantly complaining about the rain, the cold, everyday, something is agitating him to the brink of almost not wanting to stay.
Dan, have you wanted to quit this game?
No.
I mean, there are times when I do complain.
You know, I'm out there in the middle of the night with the fire, that's not enjoyable.
So sure I say things.
Jeff:
But it's just consistent and we need more positive energy and commitment 100% of the time.
Benry, is it a fair statement to say that Dan is a liability at challenges?
Yeah, I mean, it's fair to say.
There are definitely some of us on this tribe that are a little more physical and doing well in these challenges.
But I wouldn't say he's incompetent by any means.
Dan, is it fair to say when it comes to challenges you're a bit of a liabili?
I would say certain challenges.
But I'm still out there.
I'm doing whatever I have to do.
Yve, what's wrong with that logic?
"I'll give you what I have.
Sometimes I can't give you what you need."
I give what I have 100% of the time as well but ionon't feel I'm a liability.
Do you think Daniel's a liability?
I do.
I mean, I love the guy, I do.
Really sounds it.
That's a heck of a way of saying you love somebody.
Do you feel animosity from yve?
Absolutely.
And I think that she feels tonight might not be a good night for her.
Fair statement, yve.
Fair statement.
Fair statement.
I do.
I feel like myd he's on the chopping block.
Dan, tell me why they should get rid of yve.
Well, I guess you could hear in the yve's voice.
She's pretty arrogant.
Arrogant?
What about me is arrogant?
I don't talk about my ferraris and my six cars and my three homes.
I do.
I know.
But what about me is arrogant?
It's just your overall...
Just your overall attitude.
Alina, is it fair statement to say that it appears to be Dan or yve that's going home?
Yeah, it's been going around camp all day, do we want to keep somebody who may be a liability for us but isn't going to be somebody who's a supercompetitor or do we want to keep somebody
who is plangng really hard and just makes more competition for you?
All right.
It is time to get to the vote, which means la flor it's time for you guys to go.
Good luck, man.
All right, holly, you have individual immunity.
I assume you're keeping that for yourself.
Yes.
You can not vote for hoholly.
Everybody else is fair game.
It is time to vote.
Dan, you're up.
What can I say, Dan?
Looks like it's either me or you and I'd much rather it be you.
I'll go tally the votes.
Once the votes are read, the decision is final.
The person voted out will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately.
I'll read the votes.
First vote, yve.
Dan.
One vote yve; 
One vote Dan.
Yve.
That's two votes yve; 
One vote Dan.
Yve.
That's three votes yve, one vote Dan.
Seventh person voted out of "Survivor: 
Nicaragua": 
Yve.
That's four.
That's enough.
You need for...
To bring me your torch.
Yve, the tribe has spoken.
Time for you to go.
Well, based on tonight's vote, it would seem this is one unified tribe.
Based on what I heard, not so sure.
Grab your torches, head back to camp.
Good night.
Next time on "Survivor."
Why don't I go up to Marty and tell him "give me to idol."
Sash reveals a crafty side.
You hand the idol over.
Jane reveals a sneaky de.
I want me a fish and I don't nt to take him back to camp.
Bone a teet.
And fabio reveals too much information.
What are you doing right now?
I'm using the restroom.
In the pool?
It's frustrating to be out of this game at this point.
Disappointed in myself.
It's not what I came here to do.
Did I intend to win?
That was my goal but I certainly didn't have any anticipation of going out so early in the game.

It was a Sunday afternoon--about 2,000 years ago-- and everyone was talking, consumed by the events of the last few days. 
A controversial new leader had been put to death by the authorities - and no one was quite sure what would happen next. 
Two men, friends of this leader, were especially troubled.
As they began to walk to a nearby town, the two tried to piece together the facts to understand what had happened. 
Like many, they had great hopes, but now, with their leader dead, all seemed lost. 
It just didn't make any sense. 
Then they were joined by a stranger
I just need to get away from this city
We'll reach Emmaus by nightfall.
I can't believe it happened...
What's this you're talking about?

Previously on "the amazing race."
Nine teams continue their race through the west African nation of Ghana.
And a rural primary school, Ivy leaguers Connor and Jonathan failed a pop quiz.
No, no, no, no.
Our friends are probably going to grill us for that.
But eventually passed.
And won the leg.
You are team number one.
At the detour, teams tried to mast ar children's game.
Giving Chad inspiration.
Being around those kids and watching them play, children are amazing.
Michael wilted under the hot sun but he found the strength to finish and received some welcome news with his son.
This is a nonelimination leg and you are still in the race.
That's why you don't give up.
Nine teams remain.
Who will be elimbed in a...
nine teams remain.
Nine teams remain. 
Who will be eliminated next?
This is a farming community in the west African nation of Ghana.
Here, where people live and work much the same as they have for generations, teams found this rural homestead, the third pit stop in a race around the world.
At the pit stop, the nine remaining teams returned to the primary school to help with renovations.
We are helping to paint the new school here.
It's amazing, actually.
It's nice to be able to do something for them.
This experience definitely puts things in perspective.
We are so fortunate and we should appreciate everything.
We love our school.
Bye.
Bye.
Connor and Jonathan moved apart first at 10:15 A.M.
You're headed to the arctic circle.
Teams must now fly 4,500 miles from the furnace to the freezer.
The city of kiruna.
Teams have been given tickets on the same flight but are under no obligation to use them.
Landing inside the arctic circle, teams will have to drive to the nearby town, home to the world famous ice hotel.
In winter this math om...
mammoth structure offers a not
are kept frozen in this nearby warehouse.
It is here that teams will find their next clue.
Let's go.
Oh, my God.
Arctic circle.
Unbelievable.
Our graduation is going to take place during this leg of the race which is a really difficult thing to miss.
I think the fact that we're missing our college grgs is a testament to how dedication...
graduation is a testament to how dedicated we are.
Can we go faster?
We can't take our time.
We're in a race.
The arctic circle.
Oh, my God.
Thank you, Jesus.
We're going to ice.
We're going to go from 100 to zero.
You're headed to the arctic circle.
Let's go.
Did I mention that I hate snow?
Let's go.
We're here.
Taxi.
I'm half Swedish so it's kind of cool that we get to go to Sweden.
I do not speak Swedish at all.
I can say dumb girl, dumb boy and dumb monkey in Romanian.
Arctic circle.
That's where we're headed.
We need to go to the airport.
You're headed to the arctic circle.
Oh, my God.
That's going to be raisey.
... Crazy.
We came in sixth and we are down.
So we went through our clothes and we were like, let's just be who we really are.
She's very bright and I got my zebra pink shorts on and we're ready to go.
And take charge.
I'm ready to go into some ice.
Guess it's time to put on some clothes.
Rats.
Here's where we check in with our tickets.
Checkin time, 4:30.
So let's camp here.
Let's go.
All right.
We have the express pass but I'm not going to panic and just use it until I have to.
Because then it's a waste.
Fly to the city of kiruna.
My homeland.
My people.
Let's do this.
We know we have a speed bump coming up.
We're fighting for our lives and we're both very mentally focused right now.
I want to know the quickest possible flight to kiruna.
There's a flight departing from Frankfurt at 7:35.
Hopefully we can try and switch our flights because it leaves about two hours earlier.
Stop here.
Stop here.
Thank you.
Is this a ticketing office?
Teams that arrived at the airport earlier didn't find out about the earlier flights.
Should we tell them our plan?
Yeah, we should.
We should?
We decided to confide in Gary and mallory because they're a father-daughter team like we're father-son.
So we can relate to them.
There's an earlier flight from Frankfurt to kiruna.
If we get this right flight we're going to get there two hours earlier.
You got speed bump.
You got to get this.
Do we have enough time between tween connections to make it?
We only have an hour.
We're going to have to run.
Teams might start to get suspicious.
We need to talk to a ticket office.
We'll talk to these people.
You can't help us get a flight, you can yet?
Yeah.
You can check and see if there are any tickets?
Let's see.
Thank you.
Wow, this is brilliant right here.
See, you got to have a girl.
Yeah.
Let's try to find an earlier flight.
Where are the doctors?
I know nat and Kat are making a plan and that's what we always want to do.
There's an Internet cafe.
They're probably looking at flights.
That's probably where they're at.
Doing research.
How stupid are we?
Here comes your biofriend.
This is it.
Smile.
For sure.
We found a flight.
On 3,000?
Yeah.
No problem.
You're happy.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, he's my best friend in the whole world.
I'm so glad I got blond hair.
We think mallory and Kevin scheduled something.
We think there's an earlier flight.
They're really happy about it.
There's an information desk there.
Let's go check.
I say we book it.
We went ahead and purchased tickets on some earlier flights.
We'll be getting in two hours before the later flight.
Here they are.
Did you find any quicker flights?
Nat and I are feeling closer to Brook and Claire.
They're giving us positive energy.
Right now we're on the 9:50 there's a 7:30 or 7:00 something.
We decided to share the information.
We have to run, run, run, because we only have an hour.
Hello, sir.
We have a flight already.
We're wondering if there are any quicker flights to get to kiruna?
All the flights are fully booked.
No standby, no nothings?
Ok.
We think they got something better but we couldn't get it booked.
We're stuck with our normal seats.
This is the worst graduation.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
All the teams were together on the first flight but if we can get on the connecting flight, we should be able to not get last place again and stay in this race.
It's everything to us right now.
We've got to run between gates.
It's going to be tight.
All teams are now traveling to Frankfurt, Germany, en route to kiruna, Sweden.
Excuse us.
Thank you.
Trying to catch a flight.
Sorry.
Sorry.
We're in a big hurry.
Let's go, dad.
We'll be two hours ahead.
We have to run.
I'm right behind you.
What's going on?
Do you see everybody?
Excuse us.
Excuse us.
We're trying to catch a flight.
Dad.
Come on.
Shortcut, I think.
Hold the elevator, sir.
It's going to be at the very end, right?
Good thing we've been jogging.
Come on, dad.
I got you.
This is the run of our lives.
We made it.
We did it.
Awesome job.
We barely made it after a sprint.
We have tickets.
We have a speed bump this leg.
We can't miss it.
Thank you so much.
We made it.
We got to get there.
That was a bad idea.
This is so bad right now.
This is so bad right now. 
This sucks.
We can't miss it.
Pink ran for it.
We think nat and Kat got through.
And the asians.
We made it.
We made it.
We were running.
We didn't think we were going to make it.
Sprinted here.
It took forever.
So scary.
We're in the bottom chunk.
We found out that the other teams did get on the other flight.
We're now in a five-way sprint to not get last.
Welcome to Sweden.
Look at these cars.
I like these cars better than the cabs in Ghana.
The game begins.
This is the coolest place.
We are finally at the arctic circle.
We're going to an ice hotel.
I see ice hotel.
We had to find a way to get an advantage and so we got the first flight in.
I'm so excited to see the ice hotel.
I think it's right here.
Huh?
No, it's right there.
Ice hotel, right?
Yep.
There it is.
Ice hotel.
I told you.
Turn around quick.
Told you, told you, told you.
We're just going to follow Gary and mallory.
Come on, girls.
Ice storage.
Yes, good girl.
Oh, my God.
Oh, wow.
Oh, my gosh, you guys.
This is amazing.
This is incredible.
My fiance calls me an ice princess.
I might have to borrow that later.
It's quite pretty.
This is a clue?
Teams must now figure out that the clue etched in the block of ice is leading them to this lodge, where they'll find their next clue.
Ok.
It's not that heavy.
Let's go.
I bet it's in here.
Oh, my gosh.
Here's a clue.
We got a speed bump, dad.
Having been safe from elimination, Michael and Kevin have now hit a speed bump, an extra task that only they must complete.
In this speed bump, Michael and Kevin must sit on this furniture made from blocks of ice for 10 minutes before continuing on the race.
Oh, man.
I'm wear wearing soccer shorts ... I'm wearing soccer shorts.
I wish in Ghana we had this chair.
Yeah.
Do you know what this means?
It's a camp by lake.
Thank you so much.
Let's go.
Got it.
Let's get in our car.
Let's follow them.
This is starting to hurt.
Feels like needles are like sticking into my butt cheeks.
This is hard.
Harder than I thought.
It's ok because I'm used to technique.
One side of my behind, try to shift it.
Your time is up.
Yes!
Thank you.
Let's get our clue.
We should have brought gloves and butt pads.
Hello, sir.
Left, then left.
Thank you, sir.
The trail that we're supposed to take is apparently unmarked.
Maybe this is the dirt road.
Four girls in the middle of the woods on the... woods, all of a sudden their car stalls and that's when the axe murderers come out.
We're in the woods.
There's a clue box.
Park here.
All right.
Let's see it.
It's a road block.
Who is feeling kind of mushy?
The ground in kiruna is covered with snow eight months of the year.
Making dog sleds the fastest form of transportation.
But these snow dogs can't be allowed to lose their muscle in the offseason.
Teams will now find out exactly what it takes to keep these animals in shape during the dog days of summer.
Using a summer training sled, teams mush their dogs down this forest trail.
Along the way snatching five different flags they can trade for a shipment of fur pelts.
For every flag they miss, teams perform a penalty lap around the hunter's camp.
Then they must lead their dogs back to the start of the course where they can exchange the pelts for their next clue.
Ok, you can do it.
It's this way.
You're going to mush dogs, dude.
That's awesome.
Good, doggy.
Good, doggy.
We're the first team here.
Ready, dad?
Go, dad!
You got it, dad!
All right.
All right.
Good doggy, good doggy, slow, steady, steady, steady.
All right, good doggy.
Slow, slow, slow, slow.
Ok, doggy.
Good job.
I'm enjoying.
Don't fight, don't fight.
That's a bear.
I guess it's a fake bear.
Me.
I'll do it.
You got this.
Me?
All right, come on.
Full speed, doggy.
Go, go, go.
All right.
Woo!
Good job, doggies.
This is awesome.
Yee-hu!
Mush, mush.
Go get them, Claire, you got this.
I grew up on a ranch working with animals and we do the whole slay thing.
I was like, I can do this.
I felt like really rough and rustic.
Come on, doggies, you can do it, let's go!
There's a hunter's camp right there.
Push.
Don't bite.
Yep.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, sir.
Go, go, go.
All right, parking.
Let's go.
Head northeast toward... they're all behind us.
We're fourth out of five?
Yeah.
We're in the back of the pack.
We're truly the caboose of this train right now.
This is so much fun.
Slow down, doggies.
Oh, shoot.
I missed one back there.
I have to stand up on the rims because I'm so short, like this.
How cool is this, mallory?
I'm going to hook up our great dains and pug at our house and do this.
Go, go, go, dogies.
Let's pass.
Let's go guys.
Good job, dogs.
I got the best dogs.
These are my dogs.
Yah!
Let's pass them, let's pass them.
Oh, no.
To the left, to the left.
Go, go, go, go!
Good dogies.
Come on, doggies.
Damage it.
I have four.
I feel like a magician.
I ran a penalty lap because I missed the first flag.
Thank you so much.
I can give you a kiss?
We have this kiss count going.
Claire kissed number six today.
He was like a Swedish chief.
Now ok?
Thank you, sir.
Hi, there.
How are you?
Ice hotel.
Perfect.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Ice storage.
What do we do?
Read that.
This is it.
We got to find this place.
Ready?
Let's go.
Let's go.
Now.
You can tell us what this means?
Excuse me, miss, could you tell us what this means?
I can show you at the beginning.
Then you just continue.
Do you have the directions?
Ok.
Come on, sweetheart.
Don't let them get away.
Come on, Stephanie.
I can't.
I need your jacket.
Ok, here.
Here.
It's so slippery.
I don't see anybody.
Doggy, go.
We're almost home.
Good job, dad, let's go.
You're in the lead.
Here are the pelts.
How fun was that?
So much fun.
Drive yourselves to the train station.
Teams must now drive through the Swedish countryside to the train station where they'll find their next clue.
We got here first.
I told you.
Yeah.
Let's go, let's go.
We missed it.
Way to go, Claire.
Thank you.
That was so much fun.
Good job, mal.
Thank you.
That was awesome, natty.
This is for you.
Good job, Katrina.
It looks like we are all neck in neck and Jill and
Thomas are nowhere to be found.
Park here.
Let's go.
Come on, Stephanie.
Come on.
It's right here, babe.
I'll do it.
Ok.
Should I do it?
Yeah.
I am doing this road block.
You are.
Come on, baby girl.
Cars.
We're the last.
I'll do it.
Ok.
Let's go.
Are you sure it's this way?
Go, we're in last place.
Do you know that?
Yes, I hear you.
Are we good to go?
Yeah, Connor!
Come on, guys.
Good puppies.
This is awesome.
Go, baby, go, baby, go, yeah.
Woo!
Go, puppy, go!
Come on, babe.
Jill, honey.
What?
Let's go.
What do you think I'm doing?
Did we miss an arrow?
I don't think this is right.
It's like we're running into nowhere.
Good job, Katie!
Let's go, guys.
Quicker, quicker, quicker.
Go, city of, go.
I love animals... go, stev, go!
I love an malice.
I've been wanting a huskey forever, forever.
These dogs are amazing.
So happy I got to do this road block.
This can't be right.
We're going to the lodge, right?
Does it say which direction?
No.
So where do we go?
I don't know.
So we're screwed here.
Do you see a lodge?
Did we miss an arrow?
We're way too far off.
Let's go back.
Let's go back.
We just totally ruined ourselves.
We just ran a mile for no reason.
If you want to use the express pass?
We don't need to panic yet.
Come on, dogs.
You got it.
Come on, puppies.
Go, puppies, yeah.
Good dogs, good dogs.
Get them, get them.
I'm coming, Connor, I'm coming, baby.
I'm going to get you.
Let's go, let's move.
Pick up speed.
Good puppies, I love you.
I want to take them home with me.
They're working so hard.
They're doing way more of a race than me right now.
Just hit it.
Hit it, go.
You got it, babe.
Oh, my God.
Mush, mush, mush, mush.
Go baby, you got it.
We're pretty confident that we're in first place right now.
We're doing good, dad.
Ok, I see a train station.
Clue box, clue box.
Let's go.
Man, it's cold.
It is cold.
Detour.
The unspoiled wilderness in this part of the world is not only a haven for people who love extreme sports, but also a refuge for people who follow the customs of their ancestors.
Now teams must decide exactly how they want to experience this land.
Their choice... sleds or beds?
In sleds teams make their way to the top of this mountain and then using an extremes sports gadget called a tech sled, they must speed down the difficult course and both reach the finish line in less than one minute and 58 seconds.
If they succeed teams will receive the next clue.
If they don't make it to the finish line in the allotted time, they must make their way back to the top and try again.
In beds teams make their way to this encampment of people who are descendants of the earliest Scandinavian nomads.
Then using traditional materials, teams must build a tent-like dwelling known as a gorti.
I wish I could do the sled but I'm scared you can't do, it dad.
There it is.
Clue box.
It is cold.
We're not in Ghana anymore.
I think the sled.
That sounds awesome.
The sled's right here.
We got to get up here.
Dad this might take hours.
That's fine.
Let's not get fluftered.
Oh, jeez.
It's falling all over.
Oh, God, man.
Come on, guys.
Yeah, Connor.
Nice job, Connor.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Come on, babe.
Your dogs are awesome.
Thank you very much.
Let's do it.
Yeah, Katie!
Thank you.
Let's get there and figure it out.
Right here.
Let's go.
Jill and Thomas do have an express pass.
That's why Stephanie and I have to keep in the back of our heads that we are in last place.
Thank you.
There's a very good chance that we may have to pull out our express pass to bypass people.
Starting to look more like what theirs looks like.
We have camped before.
We thought we were building a bed, not a tent.
It's a little different than what we expected.
Dad, focus.
All right.
Is that the train station?
Yes.
Let's do the sleds.
Ok.
I bet that the sled will be easier for us and we can definitely stand the danger.
Let's go sledding.
Is this going to be fun to go sleder or what?
... Sledding or what?
It's going to be scary.
Oh, wow.
Look at this.
Our own private ski resort right now.
It was just calm and we were surrounded by this very intense dramatic landscape.
It was just breath taking.
There's the course.
This is crazy.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
This is so cool.
They're like little bikes.
Are you nervous?
No.
I'm excited.
You have to beat one minute and 58 seconds.
Ready?
Set.
Go.
This is awesome.
It's like skiing.
It's fast.
It was so fast and so icy and the turns were so sharp that pulling on the brakes didn't do much at all.
Come on, Kat.
I don't know where Kat is.
Is she ok?
Problems?
Yes.
I'm stuck.
You want help?
Let's get it.
Ready go.
Let's go.
Whoa, whoa.
Oh, my gosh.
Ugh.
Ok.
Again.
Thank you.
Here she comes.
Here she comes.
What happened?
I crashed, went over the edge.
Oh, my gosh.
We have to find chair lifts.
There's a chair lift.
Sweet.
Good eyes, Claire.
Let's go, mal.
Let's go, mal.
One second, all right.
We got it.
Yeah!
Wait, we didn't get that?
58.
We have to beat it.
Are you serious?
Let's go.
One second.
It's starting to look good.
This was the hard part, to get this tent up.
Ok.
We need to get beds.
You get twigs.
My feet are like so frost-bitten right now.
I'm wearing ankle socks.
Come on, Kat.
Come on.
Drive yourself to the pit stop.
Teams must now drive themselves across the frigid landscape to this line in the snow.
The Norwegian border.
The last team to check in here may be eliminated.
This is awesome.
So much fun.
We are going to go left.
Take it on the wider edge.
Go, go, go, go.
We're doing good.
Go, go, go, go.
There we go, good job.
You're going around this course, you're like... rrr... and I'm trying, I just know my face is like... oh, my God.
That was so fun.
Hurry.
We're almost there.
Yes!
Oh, my God, that was fun.
That was awesome.
That was stellar.
Go, dad, go.
Shoot.
That's what you call sad saddle right there... side saddle right there.
Good job, guys.
Thank you.
Here's the clue.
Here we go.
Sleds?
Yeah.
We're doing the sleds.
I'm confident we can both beat the time on the first try.
I was pumped when I saw our choices.
I was not.
I've never even ridden anything like that before.
A snowmobile, nothing like.
That but I know Chad enjoys being on the mountain so I wanted to hack it for him.
Oh, lord have mercy.
This looks like it's the border.
Let's go.
Over there.
I see it.
There's Phil.
Whew!
Welcome.
Thank you.
Nat and Kat, you are team number one.
Now, as you know, when you come into the pit stop first, there is a prize.
And you guys have won a trip for two and you will be going to beautiful beliz.
You'll spend five nights at the windy hill resort in the foothills of the myian mountains where you'll be cave tubing, zip lining and riding on horseback through the jungle trail.
We're so happy.
We are a team to be beckoned with.
We want to be the first women to win "The Amazing Race."
If we could keep on playing our own game and staying focused, we'd be happy.
That's the train station right there.
There's one left.
Let's do sleds.
Sleds.
Let's do that.
Ok, come on.
Let's finish this.
Spread the trees out.
Hello.
Welcome to our home.
Very good.
Wow.
Thank you, thank you.
All right, ladies, thank you.
Bye.
Is that it up there?
Claire, come on.
Good job, guys.
Gary and mallory, you are team number two.
Brooke, that would mean that you're team number three.
... Brook and Claire, that would mean you're team number three.
We could easily bypass this and kill everybody.
Go.
Brake, brake.
I'm trying.
Get up, get up, get up.
Oh, God.
Keep going.
Brake.
God.
Oh, damage.
This is a really fast track.
Don't tell me.
That brake before you go into the turn.
Ok.
Are you ready to go?
Nope.
When I saw the course, my heart dropped.
I've never been more scared, honestly in my entire life.
Chad, are you going to go first?
I'll go ahead of you.
I want you to go ahead of me.
Go.
Oh, my God.
Take it easy.
Oh, my God.
From the second I started on the course I was shaking from head to toe.
I just don't like going down the steep hills.
Chad, I'm right behind you, go faster.
Whoa.
Shoot.
Come on.
Get back on.
I couldn't slow down.
I was going so fast.
I lost control and I didn't know how to stop it.
Oh, God.
Crap.
Brake as much as you can.
Chad, I'm so scared.
Don't even try or anything.
You got to do it again.
That was so hard.
Ok, let's go, let's go, let's go.
There is the lift.
Rachel, come on.
Get up on your knee, Stephanie.
Oh, my God.
Chad, I cannot do this.
Oh, my God.
Ridiculous.
It's not that bad.
She's letting her head get to her.
Rachel, come on.
Get in front of her.
Great.
Great.
Stephanie, let's go.
There's two other teams here now.
Let's go.
All right.
Are we by ourselves here?
Looks like it.
This thing looks like it could take some time.
I don't know if this is the best idea.
We just totally lost our lead.
We're in last place right now.
Should we use our express pass?
We don't want to get eliminated and not use our express pass.
Come on, we got to go back down.
Get off the lift.
I'm done.
I'm done.
I don't think this is a good idea for us to do.
All right.
Screw it.
Ok, let's go.
Let's go.
I think we're going to give you our express pass.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Drive yourselves to the next pit stop.
We would have been done.
This is definitely the best choice.
Did you see me fall?
I mean, I literally... the whole thing landed on top of me.
You don't want to try it again?
I'm sorry, I can't.
It scared the out of me.
I crashed three times.
And the thing landed on top of me.
I almost went over the entire gate.
Gate. 
I'm sorry.
Chad, I'm done.
I'm sorry.
All right, come on.
I'm sorry.
I gave it a shot.
I tried.
We're giving up.
Let's go.
Michael and Kevin, you're team number four.
Very proud of yourself it's.
We just concentrate, this may be our last test.
.
Please, please.
Saying that Connor is better at the sledding than I am is a gross understatement.
Connor can sled, I cannot.
I was actually scared that I was gallon to really hurt myself.
The... 
I was really scared that I was going to hurt myself.
I thought I'd end up in Norway.
All right.
This is not my cup of tea.
Johnny isn't doing too great.
But he's doing his best and that's all I can ask for.
Ok, gleas again.
This is killing me.
You're ok.
I feel like my ankle is broken.
Damn it, Stephanie, this is going to be a bitch.
We got to hustle.
I'm sorry.
I was in the boy scouts, thank God.
Follow me.
Focus, focus.
This is easy.
This is simple.
That's my girl.
We're more a physical couple than mental.
We like to snowboard, we love to ride motorcycles, it went hand in hand with our skills.
That's my girl, you did.
It I told you it was easy.
Thank you.
They got it?
This isn't good.
Go.
Here we go, Katie.
Uh-oh.
I feel like my brakes don't work well.
Brake hard.
Brake hard.
Are you ok?
No.
God.
This is too much.
I can't control it.
I hate flying down mountains on ice at fast speeds and suddenly...
Katie, Katie, Katie.
Oh, God.
I guess we're going to go switch and do the other detour.
Just don't give up.
We have to stay positive.
Oh, my God.
Please brake.
Please brake.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Ow.
Are you ok?
The sled and I did not agree.
It was becoming, like, truly painful.
Who wants to make a bed?
We surrender.
I was the worst sledding experience...
that was the worst sledding experience.
Ugh.
You are team number five.
All right.
Sounds like you had to make a very important move today.
You had to use your express pass.
We just got ourselves behind.
So we had to make a decision.
I think we made the right one.
There's the thing up there.
They're almost done.
The volleyball team just came up here.
We're still in it.
This sucks.
Ok.
You build the beds and I'll start building the fire.
Nick and Vicki, are you team number six.
Oh, my God!
Bed, here we go.
This is like sledding all over again.
Whoa.
They're just getting here.
They didn't do it.
Awesome.
Come in and get it.
Shut up.
Hopefully they're not frickin boy scouts or something.
We're not out of it yet.
Once we got to the tent making we saw Chad and Stephanie and Katie and Rachel and we were thrilled that we still had a chance.
Pitching a tent.
Come on, Stephanie, we got it.
Judge.
We're done.
This sucks.
Please say no.
Is that all right?
Yeah!
Thank you so much.
Oh, God.
Damn it.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Let's go.
I'm sorry I disappointed you.
You didn't disappoint me.
Get the matches.
I don't know if this is going to be nufe nice enough.
Damn it.
We saw that the other team had to keep on going back to the judge.
We were really fast with getting that thing up.
I think we're good.
Just have to move the pelts and stuff.
Chad and Stephanie, you are team number seven and you're still racing.
I'm so happy.
You seem to be in good spirits.
It was really scary that he was disappointed in me and I was going to lose it for us.
I shouldn't have pushed Stephanie so much but we did it and here we are still in the race.
That's it.
Let's go.
Let's try to get this.
We beat them.
You're doing great, Johnny.
You too, Connor.
This is good?
Yeah, it's perfect.
It is?
Yes!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Oh, crap.
Don't give up.
Ok.
Let's go.
We have to take the e-10 west.
Hi.
What do you think?
Perfect.
Yes!
The last ones to check in may be eliminated.
To the pit stop.
We thought wemp really in last today.
Thought we were very screwed.
We did our best.
It's not over yet.
It's not over yet.
Oh, God.
We're cutting this close.
We never gave up.
Anything can happen.
Oh, my God.
Is this it?
Oh, my God!
There.
That tent.
There it is.
Oh, my gosh!
Katie and Rachel, by the skin of your theeth, you are still in this race.
You are team number eight.
You played it real close.
Thank you very much.
Connor and Jonathan, you are the last team to arrive.
Yeah, we figured.
I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race.
We graduated today so it's fun.
It's like we graduated from Princeton and the race.
All in one day.
This was one of the most incredible experiences of our lives and I couldn't think of anyone better to share it with.
It was a really nice ending to an unbelievable adventure.
Road blocks and legs we are the last team to arrive and Phil will send us home
next week on "the amazing race," nat and Kat celebrate
Christmas Norwegian style.
Texture of it is grossing me out.
Oh, God.
And Claire is left hanging.
I can't do this.
You got to fight through it.

Who wants to see me swallow a sword?
We've already lost Bobby.
I do! 
Dazzle me, brother!
- What's up, Grayson?
- Hey, how you doing?
- Hi, Jules.
- Hi, Matt.
- You guys know each other?
- Yeah, we play roller hockey together.
How do you two know each other?
Grayson, there's like 1,000 different ways that people know each other.
For some reason, I can't think of any right now, but...
- You two slept together.
- No.
- Yes.
- Yes, but it was just one night.
- But it was a lot.
- Now it's coming back to me.
You wouldn't shut up then either.
Well, it's official.
Grayson knows I'm a giant ho.
- You hid it for as long as you could.
- Yeah.
We both slept with other people before we got together.
Yeah, we did.
- You really wanna high-five that?
- No, I don't.
Look, I don't care about your past, especially with guys like Matt.
- He wears a visor to roller hockey.
- Are you kidding me?
- Ugh.
- Visor douche.
- Yeah.
- Thanks for being so cool about this.
You are so awesome.
So... do you think I'm awesome?
Ish.
Smith is so awesome.
Jules, I've never felt like this.
- Aw.
- I'm in love. 
And it's the real deal, like, "keep the baby" type of love.
I even breathe his name. 
See?
Smith...
OK. 
We're done.
Ellie, get out of my purse.
I'm bored.
And your driver's license expired.
I have to get a new one.
Oh, I hope I get to keep that picture.
Whoa. 
That picture's, like, 20 years...
two years old.
- How'd the DMV let you keep it?
- This girl can flirt.
- No, she can't.
- But I can cry.
- Yes.
- Sweetie, the fresh-faced girl in this picture died a long time ago.
You smothered her when you slept on your face for 20 years.
Harsh, but Ellie and I have a pact.
We tell each other the harsh truth, no matter what.
That's why she thanked me when I told her she needed to wear a padded bra, sometimes her nerps point in different directions.
- Sometimes.
- I like the googly eyes.
I mean, I know I haven't done great with the ladies so far.
But now with my new soul friend...
- I am ready.
- Girls up ahead.
- Don't talk about it. 
Be about it.
- Done.
- Ladies!
- No.
Right on.
Yeah, I need a break from college girls.
They likey Travy long time.
Sorry about that.
Plus, I thought I'd see Kylie.
I thought you two broke up.
I said I'd see other people at school, but we could hang when I was home.
She's missing me big-time, so...
I know I'd be pining away for a man who has the body of a girl gymnast.
- Hey, you finally called me a man.
- No, I didn't, boy toy.
So you think she's been waiting around for you?
Let me tell you something about women.
They are not that naive, my friend.
One ring. 
What up. 
Hey, Kylie!
Travis! 
Are you home?
- I can't wait to see you!
- I can't wait to see you, too.
Hey. 
Whoever this is, he'll call you back.
You know the rules. 
When you come home, I get first "Hi" and first hug.
- What is on your chin?
- Just a little flavor.
So cute. 
Grab him!
No! 
No, you can't do this!
- This is child abuse. 
Please!
- Stop moving.
You guys finally ready to see this?
Yeah?
You're still here?
I have to see this guy eat the sword, but he keeps stalling trying to suck people in.
Ah!
- Is anyone here from Tampa?
- Who cares, man? 
Just eat the sword.
Eat the sword!
Smith...
OK, I wanted to talk to all of you.
Before Jules and I got together, I slept with Laurie.
- No way!
- Get out of town!
- First of all, Laurie, you were there.
- Oh, right.
Andy, you knew but swore on your life you wouldn't tell anyone,
- so I'm assuming you told Ellie.
- Like, immediately.
A secret that spicy?
Muy caliente.
- Are you Cuban today?
- Yeah, I will be if you like it.
- I do like it.
- Ooh...
Fun for you.
Smith, I'm sure Laurie told you, so...
No, just finding out now. 
But I'm cool.
Yeah, keep it moving.
Visor Guy got me to thinking that things are going so well with Jules,
I really wanna be open with her about everything, even if it makes her freak out.
So I'm gonna tell her.
I kind of thought this would be the one secret I would take to the grave.
Of course, I also thought I wouldn't live past 30.
- But we can still hope, right?
- No, but you're right, Grayson.
We should tell her.
It's time to eat the sword.
- Eat the sword?
- Grayson, let me tell her.
Yeah, I think I'll handle this one.
You know, she's gonna be less angry at the person who tells her first.
I hate jugglers.
You're doing something fun and didn't even call.
Oh, I'll apologize once this goes down.
- Isn't that Kylie?
- Yeah, that's my girl.
I'm sure they're just friends.
- Boob-to-back friends.
- Man.
Trav, you OK, bud?
He just ate that whole thing!
Oh, man! 
No!
OK, Tina, that was your fault that I blinked.
Now, we agreed on "one and two and pause and snap."
Ma'am, you have had nine tries.
Can't we just use my old picture?
It was my dead mother's favorite.
I miss her so much every day.
- Do I look new?
- All right. 
Fine. 
Let's do it.
- One, two...
- Excuse me.
Excuse me.
- Laurie and I slept together!
- I slept with Grayson!
One more?
You know the worst thing about you two hooking up? 
Look at my license!
- You look really pretty.
- Don't.
Maybe we shouldn't have told you.
I just thought you deserved to know.
Jules, it was a one-time thing.
Damn it! 
They're saying all the right things.
No mercy!
Climb back into that gun turret and shoot everything you see!
Hmm.
Oh, Bobby, you don't have to feel bad for me.
I can't believe I missed seeing that sword get eaten.
- I'm going back. 
Smith, you in?
- No, thanks.
So, what was it like being lovers?
Let's go. 
I'll drive.
I don't need the graphic details.
I could figure those out myself.
Grayson's only got, like, two moves.
"I'm up here, I'm down here."
But was it special?
Sweetie, no!
If it weren't for that mirror by his bathtub, we would have never even made eye contact.
We're not gonna do this. 
All right, if you wanna talk, we'll talk, but I'm not gonna sit here and let you just torture yourself.
Well, it's just so weird.
But you were great about Visor Guy.
And I know this happened before we were dating. 
I'm gonna be OK.
- Thanks.
- No!
Really? 
You guys are just friends?
I mean, I just don't do many piggybacks with my buddies, you know, unless one of us is really tired.
Trav, it was nothing. 
Come here.
Hmm...
Usually, I don't like middle-aged men watching me get down with my lady, but this time it felt right.
So, nice to see you, and booyah.
Not a fan of the gloating so I'm gonna eat the sword and ask you a quick question.
Did Kylie bite-kiss you like that before you went away to college?
Hmm... 
I wonder where she learned that from?
Have fun with that.
OK, when my hair's pulled back, do my ears stick out?
No, they're cute.
- Ellie, harsh truth.
- They're like elf ears. 
Put them away.
I'm sorry. 
I'm still walking on eggshells around you.
Oh, stop. 
I'm cool.
- I'm so not cool.
- So get mad.
I'm trying to, but I don't have a reason.
Come on, give me a reason.
Crack the code.
- OK.
- OK.
So, you slept with Grayson's friend and he was cool with it.
Different people get upset by different things.
Yes, they do.
And I know they were honest with you, eventually.
Come on now. 
Bring it home.
Why did they take so long to tell you?
Maybe, thanks to Visor Guy, they knew you couldn't be too mad.
- Schemers.
- I bet they came up with that idea when they were talking behind your back.
Look how red your face is. 
Victory!
You stay here. 
I'm getting Laurie.
- What'd you do?
- I cracked the code.
Sword guy's up next.
Until then, we can enjoy iguana guy.
How does holding an iguana make you a street performer?
He can make it poop in his pocket.
It's pretty wild.
They both hold your eye contact.
Besides, would you rather be back at Jules' dealing with that doody storm?
I've got a right to be pissed, and I decided that all on my own.
- Proud of yourself?
- Very.
Now I need to choose who will hand over their wine glass and go.
Oh, she's making it like a reality show.
- Grayson.
- Oh.
You slept with my friend. 
But in your defense, we weren't dating yet.
And you probably thought I was way out of your league.
- Still do. 
Way out.
- Don't pander.
- Laurie.
- Picked her from the beginning.
When you slept with Grayson, you did not know that I liked him.
Plus, I had been pushing you to start sleeping with guys
- who wore shirts to work.
- You dream so big for me, Jules.
I've been waiting for this to explode for months!
Pick someone! 
Eat the sword!
I now know who I'm mad at.
Ellie!
What?
No! 
I'm just in the audience!
You knew about this for months and you didn't tell me?
What happened to harsh truths, Ellie?
Oh, yeah, Ellie!
What happened?
Karma happened! 
Yep, and here comes the cheerleader with the high kick and the Roger Rabbit.
Well, this isn't fair.
Ellie Torres, hand over your glass.
You may now leave the group.
Uh...
- Can we talk about something?
- Now?
Yeah.
I'm loving the new bite-kissing.
And the ice cube thing you did earlier, was that an accident?
No. 
OK. 
Well, it was a little scary.
Where is this coming from?
Are you seeing that guy from before?
I told you, I'm not seeing him.
You really stressed the word "him" as if there were other "hims."
You made the rules.
Calm down, silly boy.
All right, he put olive oil on it.
That means he's getting close!
- Aren't you excited?
- No, not at all.
What? 
Oh, I get it.
You're all tore up 'cause you found out Laurie was with someone else.
Nope, just don't care about seeing a guy swallow a sword.
Now I know you're lying.
You're wounded, brother, and I'm not gonna drop it until you admit it.
I just love our girl time.
Ooh, I really like this orange.
Makes me feel fancy.
This doesn't work for me.
It's your punishment.
Tonight we're gonna drink wine.
We're gonna say mean things about people we love.
We might even eat the chocolate manatee.
No! 
You and I bought that together.
You get the tail, I got the head.
Let's Lady and the Tramp this bitch.
- Andy, get out of there.
- My nails aren't dry yet.
Fine.
All right, that's it.
I'm closing the blinds.
Jules Kiki Cobb, do not close the...
- Jules.
- Yes?
I'm the one you should be mad at.
Stop, I forgave you.
Eat some manatee.
Before I met you, I had no conscience.
If I saw a handicapped parking spot, I'd take it, and then I'd pretend one of my arms was dead when I walked into the bar, like...
Is there a point to this?
When I slept with Grayson, I did know that you liked him, and I did it anyway.
I'm so sorry. 
Please don't hate me.
Told you you shouldn't be mad at me.
Slag.
- Get out of my house.
- We have to talk this out.
Jules, don't say anything else.
I'm coming in.
Laurie, there's nothing to talk out.
You're supposed to be my friend.
I would never do that to you.
- It's over.
- Jules!
"There's nothing to talk out. 
You're supposed to be my friend. 
It's over."
- Thank you. 
Go on.
- But you love to talk things out.
You made me talk for two hours when I said your sneakers squeaked.
Well, that's because you called them "my squeakers"! 
Now go!
No, we are going to get through this.
And I am not leaving here until we do!
You can clamp onto that chair all you want. 
I'm going upstairs.
I don't wanna say that I'm happy, but if I were to describe my feelings right now...
- Ellie!
- Coming! 
Rain check.
So what did you say to Kylie?
Nothing. 
I mean, I haven't decided if I'm gonna end it or not, so I just went with it, new stuff and all.
What was that like?
I don't wanna talk about it.
- Ready to talk about Laurie?
- Bobby, still doesn't bother me.
I thought you might say that. 
That's why I took the liberty of texting this guy.
There's no game?
I can't believe you used my love of roller hockey to trick me.
That's uncool, I'm not a strong skater.
Grayson has a predisposition of sleeping with other guys' ladies. 
Character flaw.
Seriously? 
I fell, like, ten times skating here.
Come on, you two, this is serious emotional stuff. 
Clear the air.
- Are we cool?
- We're cool.
Awesome. 
Now turn me.
- Peace!
- I feel better. 
Do you?
OK, last bullet. 
You know how bad I wanna see this dude eat sword?
I'm not gonna watch until you admit that this is killing you.
It's not killing me, Bobby.
You know, I can tell that Laurie's getting serious. 
She breathes my name.
I know, I heard it.
Yeah, if I felt the same way, I'd be jealous or mad, or something, right?
- I mean, shouldn't I care more?
- Yeah, you should.
Ah, man. 
This sucks.
Oh, yes! 
Yes! 
Handle deep, baby.
Handle deep! 
Whoo!
I'm sorry about your life, Smith.
I'm sure Travis loves what you did to his room.
This feels good.
It's like the drums are Laurie's body and the cymbal is her face.
Face! 
Neck! 
Shoulder! 
Butt! 
Face! 
Butt!
Shoulder! 
Face! 
Face! 
Face!
- You're sitting weird.
- You can't get me off of here.
Noted. 
So, look, even though it was my idea,
I hate that Kylie's seeing other guys.
I'm gonna, like, get over that, right?
I feel that if you care about someone you can get through anything!
That's a little loud.
You know, there's sort of a weird vibe here, but I'm gonna plow through it.
Everyone deserves a second chance!
Screw it, Travis! 
Dump her!
She's a betrayer! 
Face!
Who are you punishing?
You know what?
I'm gonna get out of here.
Whoa...
It feels like something happened.
You're not gonna end your friendship with Laurie.
You don't cut people out of your life.
It's not who you are.
I can be mean, Grayson.
Look, Travis' favorite poster.
Oh, God. 
I think I'm gonna vomit.
Ellie, harsh truth.
Can I drop Laurie?
Don't use my powers against me.
It's not fair!
Harsh truth.
You can't. 
You love her.
Right, 'cause I'm everybody's doormat, and I take it.
Whether it's you keeping secrets from me, or you, Grayson, having sex with all of my friends.
Why don't you just go ahead, do Ellie?
- No, thank you.
- Yeah, right.
I'm so sick of forgiving everyone for everything.
It's my worst quality.
No, it's your best quality, and it's why we all love you.
- We know if we ran over your dog...
- I don't have a dog.
Fine. 
If we left rollerblade tracks all over your hardwood floors, if any of us were hurting, you'd still be there for us.
Well, not this time, and not for her.
Now help me find some tape so I can fix this poster!
Oh, brother.
Oh! 
I'm so glad that you're here. 
Body.
You're supposed to hug me back.
Can we talk?
So, I'm gonna break up with Kylie.
Yep, she's gonna miss this.
I'm not being a perv, I'm talking about this belt.
It's hers, but I'm gonna keep it.
It's adorable that you think you have any control over this.
Yo, I'm in charge of what happens in my own life.
Travis! 
Let's go!
Go when I wanna go.
OK, I wanna go now.
- Hey, I made myself a Dagwood.
- Of course you did.
And Laurie cares so much about our friendship, she left.
You guys wanted her to get off scot-free.
She's not getting off scot-free.
Look, Laurie, you're a great girl and we had fun.
It's just, I've just been thinking whether or not this is really going anywhere and...
Please, don't do this to me.
I feel like I have to.
I know I said we should see other people, but I just can't handle it, OK?
Maybe it's my fault for not being mature enough, maybe it's yours for turning into a giant ho-bag. 
Who's to say?
Either way, I wanna break up.
- No.
- Wasn't really a question.
We're not breaking up. 
I like saying I have a college boyfriend.
Fine, we don't have to break up, but then you can't see other guys.
Sure I can. 
Get in the car.
Travis, just eat the sword.
OK...
Oh, you know Laurie. 
She'll be fine.
No, she loves him.
She told me.
Tripping! 
High stick.
- Watch it!
- Offside! 
There!
Tripping! 
Yeah. 
Trip!
You touch the puck today?
No. 
Uh-uh. 
Not today.
But, but I'm going to.
Stupid visor.

♪ Mm-hmm Ahh ♪
♪ mm-hmm ♪
♪ when you are near me ♪
♪ I'm like a shadow... ♪ look at me.
Look at me.
Okay.
It's gonna be okay.
[Sobs] Why is he doing this?
Is that enough?
We did what you wanted.
Let us go.
♪ ...
The world to me ♪
No.
[Chuckles]
Now it's my turn.
Aah!
No!
[gunshots]
♪ You're the whole wide world ♪
♪ oh, the whole wide world to me ♪ [beeping]
Hey, good news.
Ellie just got placed with a foster family, so, fingers crossed.
Oh, that's great.
I'm happy for her.
We got a case in Akron, Ohio.
Two couples killed in two weeks.
One a week?
That's not much of a cooling-off period.
Scott and Kathy Hartway.
Found in their car in an isolated spot.
The son of Sam had a short cooling-off period.
He also attacked couples in cars.
Yeah, but the first couple were killed in their house.
Robert and Allison Keppler.
In both cases, the husbands were killed with a silenced 9-millimeter, the wife was stabbed multiple times.
He crosses racial lines.
And socio-economic ones.
The Kepplers lived in an upscale neighborhood, the Hartways were blue collar.
That's a big change in crime scenes, car versus house.
Two radically different M.O.s not to mention he subdues two people.
That takes a lot of skill.
There's no indication of how he overwhelms them.
There's no antemortem bruising. 
He doesn't use a blitz attack.
Well, he's got a 9-millimeter.
He doesn't need to.
How about signs of forced entry to the car or the house?
No. 
But Akron P.D. did find this.
Handcuffs.
So he restrains the men and saves the real savaging for the wife.
Is this right?
They found a used condom on both the husbands?
And both had Viagra in their systems and neither had a prescription.
So the unsub gives the men Viagra and then forces them to have sex before he kills them.
And given the timetable, he's gonna strike again soon.
We fly to Akron tonight.
Wheels up in 3 hours.
Garcia. 
What's that?
My go bags.
Where are you going?
With you, hopefully.
Sir, I think we're all still reeling since jj left, and we are a man down, and you need a communications liaison.
Garcia-- sir, please, hear me out.
My job overlapped with JJ's the most.
I created that program that she used to present cases.
When you guys were out in the field, she coordinated your needs through me.
It makes sense.
Garcia, there are aspects of the job for which you have no training.
You're totally right, but I--I'm willing to learn.
I'll learn how to interact with families and local law enforcement and the media.
Sir, I'm willing to tone down my wardrobe choices.
I'm ready to make that sacrifice if you just please give me a chance.
All right.
We could explore this on a trial basis.
We'll see how things go.
Are you up to speed on the case?
Yes.
I'm ready now.
Can you be ready in 3 hours?
See you on the plane.
Ok.
♪ Criminal Minds 6x04 ♪ Compromising Positions Original Air Date on October 13, 2010
Garcia: 
Abraham Lincoln said,
"whatever you are, be a good one."
I'm just waiting on a few last-minute details.
Let'go ahead and get started.
I keep bumping on the fact that he makes a married couple have sex before he kills them.
What is he accomplishing with that?
You know, the stabbing of the wives is almost certainly piqueristic.
The unsub gets sexual gratification from penetration with a knife.
Most piquerists are impotent-- men like Albert Fish, Iain Scoular,
Andrei Chikatilo-- so for him, it could be a substitute for sex.
The unsub could also be playing a mind game.
Neither shot to the husband is clean, so they have to watch what he's doing to their wives as they're dying.
So this guy challenges their manhood by forcing them to have sex, and then mocks them with the overkill.
That kind of psychological torture makes him a sexual sadist.
It would explain the amount of control he exhibits over the crime scene-- the handcuffs, the condoms, the silenced weapon.
He plans out every detail.
If he's that precise, he would be just as precise in his victimology.
But he's all over the map in terms of class and race.
Well, there must be something else about the couples that attracts him.
Something that he couldn't learn by stalking them anonymously.
Maybe the couples met the unsub before.
Rossi and Reid, will you handle the family interviews?
Morgan and Prentiss, go to the latest crime scene.
We need to learn as much as we can about him, so let's really pin down the M.O.
Morgan: 
Well, look at you, look at you.
Meet your new communications liaison.
Trial communications liaison.
Garcia, I don't get to say this often, but I had no idea there was this side of you.
Well, I figure since I'm going to have to interact with the mass populace, I should dress in the traditional costume of a mere mortal.
Ow. 
Ow.
Oh, it's my contact.
What's wrong?
It keeps getting weird and...
Huh.
There it goes.
No.
Yes. 
No.
Ow.
Detective Crowley?
Hi.
Miss Garcia.
Yeah.
Thanks for coming.
And she emailed pictures of you guys.
Agents Hotchner, Rossi, and Dr. Reid, right?
It's doctor, not Agent.
She was specific about that.
What else was she specific about?
Everything your team needed.
I sent her a list of family members who'd be willing to talk, and your boards are over there, all ready for you to set them up.
I even got the push pins you asked for.
Excuse me.
Are you miss Garcia?
Mr. Keppler. 
Hi.
Hi.
This is Detective Crowley.
He'll show you to the interview room.
Hello, sir.
Right this way.
He is such a sweet man.
You contacted the family members already?
Yes. 
Only two responded back immediately.
That's Robert Keppler's dad, and then Scott Hartway's mom will be here in about an hour.
Is that enough time?
Yes. 
Perfect.
Ok. 
I'm gonna set up the boards unless you need something else.
Great.
No, we're good.
Thank you.
And you were worried.
Prentiss: 
Ok, thank you.
So he has a gun, he gains the upper hand immediately.
He keeps it trained on the wife so the husband has no choice but to surrender.
Where does he confront them?
Not the parking lot.
Too many variables for someone this controlled.
He could have been lying in wait in the backseat, though.
No.
I mean, if they were facing forward, the unsub's back here down low, he pops up with his gun, there's no chance for them to fight back.
He could have used a Slim Jim to get in.
That wouldn't leave any marks.
Yeah, but here's the real trick.
How did he force two people to have sex at gunpoint?
With Viagra, apparently.
Viagra's a vasodilator.
It takes at least 30 minutes to get the blood vessels to relax properly.
I mean, Scott's fight or flight response would have kicked in.
His heart's racing, his blood's flowing to all his extremities, but not the right one.
Maybe he got them to relax.
He tells them he'll let them live if they do this.
This guy has to control everything.
That would include the environment, right?
[Music playing on radio]
Oh, he turned the heat all the way up.
He didn't want them getting cold?
[Music on different station]
Radio announcer:
105.5-- [music playing]
This station wasn't one of the presets.
That means he tuned it for them.
It's almost like he went out of his way to make sure they were comfortable.
A sexual sadist wouldn't do that.
We need to take a look at the first crime scene.
Can you walk us through a typical day in your son's life?
What do you mean?
The man we're looking for may very well have met Robert and Allison.
Can you tell us what they liked to do?
I can tell you those two were married.
To their jobs.
He was lawyer, and she was a pediatrician.
They went to work, they came home.
That was their day.
So he was driven.
Scott was at the Post Office by 7:00 every morning.
He had his eye on that branch manager office.
He wanted to run the whole zip code.
So did he have enemies at work?
Robert stepped on toes to close a deal, I suppose, but he was shooting for v.P. By the end of the year.
He--he'd have made it, too.
Was he that way his entire life?
Class president 4 years in a row.
So many all-americans...
He ran out of room on his varsity jacket.
What about college?
Well, top of his class at Harvard.
Made "Law Review" at Yale.
I was very proud.
So both victims were alpha males?
It's the only trait we could find that connects the couples.
We know that female type isn't specific to this unsub, but what if this is?
Typically, alpha males only attack other alphas.
That's how the unsub sees himself.
These men are the only competitors he takes seriously.
And the overkill on the wives is expression of control in alpha male terms.
He's proving his dominance over his rival by obliterating their mate.
We need more details about these men's lives.
I'll have Garcia pull up more personal information.
Detective, have you seen Ms. Garcia?
She's outside talking to a reporter.
Guy from the local paper wanted a quote from the FBI.
Excuse me.
Garcia: 
No comment.
Off the record, then.
Is the FBI assisting the Akron police in the couple killer case?
Ok, first of all, no comment means no comment.
Second of all, that name of the killer-- you came up with that name.
We didn't come up with that name.
Well, forget the name.
The name's gone.
Just, uh, give me some background and we'll hold the story until you give me the green light.
You'll hold the story?
Absolutely.
Have you cleared that with your editor?
Uh...
Of course.
Can you get him on the phone?
And the hold also applies to your blog that the paper hosts?
Right. 
That.
You sneaky son of a-- you'll have your story when the Akron police make an arrest.
Until then, the FBI has no comment, as Ms. Garcia stated. 
Thank you.
He lied. 
He lied to me.
No, he just counted on you not asking the right questions.
Why didn't you check with me before you talked to him?
I looked everywhere and I couldn't find you.
And I figured it was one of those things that you would just count on me to handle.
Garcia, I appreciate the initiative, but when it comes to dealing with the press, let me handle things for now.
Yes, sir. 
Absolutely.
I need all the credit card and phone records for all the husbands.
We think the unsub is targeting them first.
Thank you.
Ok.
Hotch, there's something you need to see.
This is the second crime scene.
The unsub took the Hartways to lovers lane.
Then he turned the heat up in the vehicle and tuned the radio to a soul music station.
This is the first crime scene.
Al Green was in the CD player, candles had been lit.
Hotch: 
He's staging the scene.
Control is critical to him.
We know this.
But to a different end than we initially thought.
Morgan: 
These murders are about the fantasy, only the fantasy isn't sadistic, it's romantic.
Well, we profiled from the interviews that he's picking the husbands first.
How's that romantic?
Alpha males marry the most attractive females.
Once he meets the husband, he knows the wife is gonna fit his needs.
We know this unsub is impotent, but what we're seeing here isn't the usual psychological block keeping him from getting aroused. 
This is physiological.
How can you be sure of that?
He brings Viagra to the crime scenes.
If he wanted, he could pop a pill, let the drug take effect.
Instead, he gives it to the husbands. 
Why?
It's not working for him anymore.
Something definitely happened to this guy.
Prostate cancer, surgery, something.
But whatever it was, it cut him off from fulfilling his needs, so he's using the couples as surrogates.
So why does he make the husband wear a condom?
Well, we don't know that connection yet.
He's going to kill the husbands anyway.
He can't perform on the wives.
The condoms are redundant.
If the theory's right, he's acting out a fantasy in which contraception plays a key role.
Until we understand what the role is, we're not gonna find him.
Uhh!
[Woman crying]
Uhh!
Uhh!
Uhh!
Aah...
Quick!
Get the-- baby, get the-- aah!
[gunshot]
Ohh! 
No!
[Grunting]
Aah!
No! 
No...
Ohh!
No...
No...
[Crying] Wait.
I'll do what you want.
Just don't hurt me, please...
Tell me you want me.
I want you.
Say it...
Like you mean it.
I want you.
Do you want me?
You do.
You want me.
You want me.
You want me.
You want me.
Say you want me.
You want me.
[Gunshot]
I just heard. 
The unsub shot both victims last night?
The housekeeper found them this morning.
His routine was disrupted.
That means he made a mistake.
It also means he's out of control.
He's enraged.
He's going to attack again soon.
Paul Wilson, spinal surgeon.
Alpha male just like the others.
Can you just hold on for a moment?
The offensive and defensive wounds all over his body.
He was cuffed behind his back.
He still put up a hell of a fight.
Because he knew how.
Look. 
The wounds extend from his knees to the soles of his feet.
That's full-contact training.
Now, where would learn something like that?
My assumption would be a mixed martial arts gym.
M MA has skyrocketed among the men who want the most intense fighting possible.
Which our unsub would.
It could be where he's finding his victims.
I'll follow up with the families.
Maybe she went for the gun in the drawer, forced the unsub to shoot her, and stopped him from following his ritual.
No, 'cause there was a muzzle burn on her chest.
He shot her at pointblank range.
Ok, you're the unsub, I'm Debra Wilson.
I have to get past you to get to that gun.
But she takes her robe off.
Now, your 9-millimeter is right here at my chest.
What am I doing?
She offered herself to him?
Well, why would she do that?
Why not lock herself in the bathroom or run out the door?
Well, survival isn't logical, it's instinctual.
Her instincts probably told her that this was her best shot.
Ok. 
She's telling herself she's gonna do whatever is necessary to get out of this alive.
So she's just seen her husband die in front of her.
Then she comes on to the unsub?
An overt sexual expression.
Yeah, it's almost flexible.
She's gone from one man to the next without hesitation.
He makes the husband wear a condom.
What does that say about him?
That he's protecting himself?
It's a sexual scenario where you're sharing a woman with another man.
Am I crazy, or could this guy be a swinger?
He could have been a part of that scene until the impotence kicked in.
And now he's just trying to recreate it.
These couples could have been his old partners.
Reid: 
Ok, so here's what I found out.
Only Paul Wilson trained at an mma gym, but all the other husbands worked out regularly, from the local YMCA to expensive fitness clubs.
Makes sense. 
Alpha males care about their appearance.
The gym is also a good place to stalk victims.
It still doesn't tell us how he goes from finding husbands in a gym to getting inside their house.
No, but it does give us a list from which we can eliminate.
Yeah, but we've got a bigger problem here.
The unsub's fantasy was interrupted.
At the least, he's hunting again tonight.
At the worst, he'll escalate his violence.
Will you ask Crowley to gather his officers.
We can give the profile.
Garcia.
Yes, sir.
We've got a possible lead in the husbands' gyms and health clubs.
I need a list of everyone in and out.
Ok, so employees and members.
No, wider than that.
Outside vendors, maintenance, trainers, everybody.
That's a lot.
And I'm not done cataloguing husbands' records like you asked me to 'cause I keep getting delayed.
Delayed how?
Uh, family members calling back, cops with questions.
Also, I'm helping Morgan call swing clubs 'cause we thought some of the victims might be swingers.
They're not. 
By the way, there's more swing clubs in Akron than there really should be.
Garcia, I need you to prioritize this.
We need to get ahead of this guy.
He may strike again tonight.
Sir, may I please bring Kevin Lynch in?
It could help me get it done like bang.
That's fine, and if for any reason you get stuck, just let me know.
And tell Morgan and Prentiss that we're releasing the profile.
Have them give it to everybody that they've met yes, yes, I can do that.
In the swingers community.
[Doorbell rings]
Uh, Jehovah's Witnesses?
Oh, no, ma'am. 
Um...
I'm special Agent Prentiss.
This is special Agent Morgan.
We're with the FBI.
We heard that you ran, uh, fabulous fun and over 40?
This is the house.
Phil! 
The FBI is here!
Oh, come in.
Thank you.
Sir, I totally appreciate the confidentiality your gym provides for its members, but this is a murder investigation, so obviously-- [line disconnects]
Hello?
Uncooperative.
[Telephone rings]
Kevin, honey, say something helpful.
I'm almost done with members and employees.
Outside venders are gonna be tough, though.
It looks like a lot of these guys are paid under the table.
I know. 
W-2s are useless.
Look at original service records only.
What is this operating system you're working?
The search parameters are completely backwards.
Ok, first of all, I created that program, and second of all, it is a poor carpenter and hacker who blames his tools.
Miss Garcia.
Paul Wilson's family is here for interviews.
But we're about to deliver the profile.
There's no one here to talk to them.
Well, they're here.
Uh...
Can--can you ask them to wait?
Ok.
Pen, are you talking to me?
Kevin, compile.
[Line disconnects]
Detective?
Yeah?
I'm sorry.
I'll talk to them.
Oh, I miss you, JJ.
This unsub is an emasculated alpha male with a near obsessive-compulsive level of control in his behavior.
And because of the repetition of details at the crime scenes, we know that his ritual is essential to him.
These patterns are how he maintains dominance in a world he feels powerless in, both sexually and socially.
The man we're looking for is a troilist.
Do you know what that is?
It means that he gets off on staging a scene and participating in it.
Such as recording sexual acts on camera or coming to parties like yours.
The point is the performance.
Do you know who his partner is?
Uh, partner?
When he comes to the parties.
He has to bring a female companion or he wouldn't get in the door.
See, swing clubs are a matriarchy.
My primary goal as a hostess is to make sure other women feel safe and secure.
There has to be at least as many women as men.
Actually, we hadn't considered that.
What else do you know about him?
Paul Wilson's attack showed him how physically weak he was, and Debra Wilson's enticement reminded him of how futile his fantasies were.
And as a result of this, this unsub is what we call decompensating.
Now, what does that mean?
We use it to describe the collapse of ocd patterns that mentally ill patients use to cope.
Once one fails, they generally all do.
In this case, the unsub's ritualized fantasy has stopped working, and that makes him incredibly dangerous.
So what was his fantasy?
Two men, one woman-- how would that work?
Well, he comes with his female companion.
Then he'd most likely invite a man in.
Wait a minute.
This guy is an alpha male.
Wouldn't he be too possessive to share his partner?
Sure. 
Unless he was married.
Well, why married?
Oh, because the erotic charge of the role play is the consensual cheating.
You don't control a girlfriend the way you control a wife.
The husband chooses his wife's partner for her.
Usually not married.
It makes the cheating hotter.
Then at a certain point, he steps in.
And shows his sexual superiority.
He proves to the room and his wife that he's the only one who can satisfy her.
Until his impotence destroyed his ability to do that.
Suddenly he's not the only one questioning his manhood, she is, too.
So maybe she cheated on him, or maybe she left, but either way, his wife was his first loss of control.
And if he's decompensating, she's the pattern he'll attack next as part of his breakdown.
Her or women like her.
The end result of decompensation is a temporary psychotic break.
He'll revisit old patterns to see if they still work.
And when he finds that they don't, he'll be compelled to destroy them and anyone engaging in them.
[Music playing]
Hi.
How are you?
[Doorbell rings]
Oh, excuse me.
Hello, Leslie.
James.
What a pleasant surprise.
Where's your wife?
Maryann's coming later.
Well, you know the rules of my house.
She's right behind me.
I swear.
Well, she better be.
♪ Tick tock... ♪ [song continues indistinctly]
[Gunfire]
Are you almost done?
I can't look at this any longer.
Almost, ma'am.
The gunman tonight, did you know him?
James.
He and his wife Maryann were fixtures here a year ago.
Then they just stopped coming.
Do you have a last name?
No. 
We don't share personal details like that.
So you have sex, but you don't ask for last names?
All of the victims here tonight were men.
Do you happen to know why?
No.
Do you know if he had the chance to shoot any women?
I was in the playroom with my friend.
And we locked the door when the shooting started.
And he came in, and he just looked at me like I was nothing.
So, no, no, I have no idea what he was after.
I'm just glad it wasn't me.
Ms. Sanders, if the door was locked, how did he get in?
This was the last victim.
The unsub came from the living room into here.
Morgan says the hostess locked herself in here.
It didn't seem to slow him down.
This is a deadbolt.
The unsub could have easily shot his way through.
He picked the lock?
He'd only do that out of habit.
The deadbolt's designed for security.
It takes expertise to get past that.
You think he's a locksmith?
We knew he was stalking his victims at the gym, but we never knew how he got into their lives.
But when you're working out, where's the one place you leave everything personal?
In a locker.
Once the unsub finds an alpha male, he can pick the lock, get their address off their driver's license, and duplicate their keys in his work van outside.
That's the missing piece to his m.O.
He got everything he needed from these men before they left the shower.
Garcia's already ruled out gym employees and members.
How's he getting in?
Could be a third-party vendor called in to install the lockers.
And called back when someone loses their key.
All right.
Come back to the station.
We'll work this up.
Garcia, I need you to pull all the locksmiths that the gym contracts out to.
Oh, that's gonna take some time.
Why?
Because I'm still gathering the vendors, and not all the websites list the trainers that work there.
Of course I called them, did you call them?
But some were cooperative and some weren't, so I--
Garcia, I told you to come to me if you got stuck.
Look, you know usually I can do this kind of thing in no time, but this office is a revolving door of people bugging me, and I cannot do two jobs at once!
Oh, my God, sir, I'm so sorry.
Garcia, there are 8 new victims as of tonight, and more people are going to die.
I need you to shut out all distractions and give me everything you've got.
Yes, sir. 
I'm here.
I'm present. 
Hit me.
The unsub's a locksmith.
I need employee rolls-- of lock and key companies.
I'm so on it.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Hotch.
We need to rethink this unsub's decompensation.
We thought his wife would be the next logical target, especially if she left him, but if it's other men, he could blame them for breaking up his marriage.
It's the same thought process that started him hunting alpha males to begin with.
And what does that tell us about where he might be going?
Nothing. 
But it might tell us where he's been.
Decompensation means he's returning to his old patterns, his old habits.
Maybe he did this before.
After his wife left, he sought out some of her partners and killed them.
You want to look at unsolved murders?
Crowley can pull them for us, match them based on the unsub's caliber.
Good. 
You might also need to give Garcia a hand working the locksmith angle.
Is there some reason she can't cover that on her own?
She's juggling two jobs.
She might need some help.
Yeah. 
Yeah, I appreciate that.
Thank you for the information.
Ok. 
Bye-bye.
How are you holding up?
Um, the gyms found out about the massacre, so now they're giving me information on the locksmiths, and that's a whole other can of worms. 
And...
I'm fine.
Garcia...
Morgan, people are going to die because of me.
Yes, it is.
That's not true.
JJ did so much.
I am in so over my head,
I'm swimming-- oh, my God, I hate these things.
Here, let me help.
Take them out.
Where's your saline?
Front pocket of my bag.
You know what your only mistake has been since you started?
Oh, hooray.
More criticism.
You are trying to replace JJ.
Nobody can replace JJ.
Now take the other one out, too.
I'm not trying to replace her.
I'm trying to do this job the way she'd want it done.
You know what JJ would want?
She'd want you to find a way to do this job on your own terms.
Play to your strengths.
Ok, all my extensive knowledge of operating systems and Internet protocol is not really gonna help me out here.
That's not what I'm talking about.
What are you talking about?
You need to go O.G.
Original Garcia.
Derek Morgan, I'm a little blind right now, but it appears the rough blur that is you just threw out my only pair of contact lenses.
There she is.
I know you.
How often do I tell you I love you?
Every day. 
It's implied.
Now...
The locksmiths.
Can I help?
You just did.
I know what to do.
[Ring]
Deacon's lock and key.
This is Deacon.
Hello. 
This is Penny Garcia.
I'm with the phone company.
I paid this month.
Oh, we're the phone company, so we know that.
I'm calling because one of your employees is past due, and he listed you as his most recent employer.
I don't have any employees.
Well, that settles that, then.
I'm just going to turn this over to the irs.
No, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I have a few guys I free-lance out to.
Who are you looking for?
Well, I'm glad you asked, 'cause this is my pickle.
I have a gentleman that uses a bunch of different last names, but he keeps using the same first name,
James, over and over.
And the password is Maryann on all of his accounts.
James Thomas.
He wouldn't happen to be working tonight, would he?
Supposed to.
Didn't show.
Ok. 
Thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
I got it!
The unsub.
Hotch: 
Got what?
His name is James Thomas.
He did work at all the gyms the husbands went to.
Is that not enough information?
Oh, I have so much more.
Last year he suffered from a condition called prostatic hyperdysplasia.
Routine surgery took a wrong turn, snip snip, they had to remove the whole prostate tamale.
Boss says he didn't show up for work today, but this...
Is his home address.
Garcia, you should have let me know before you contacted his employer.
Otherwise, well done.
We need a SWAT team at this address.
I'm on it.
Yes.
FBI! 
We're coming in!
Clear.
Clear.
All clear.
Show me your hands.
Who are you?
Maryann Thomas.
James Thomas' wife?
Where's your husband?
I don't know! 
He left for work this morning.
There's a gun locker in the closet. 
It's empty.
Get up. 
You're gonna help us find him.
Please, tell me what this is about.
Morgan:
This is who your husband has killed so far.
Rossi: 
Recognize that last crime scene?
That's Leslie Sanders' house, where you and James used to swing.
James is not a...
He wouldn't do that.
He would, Maryann.
He would because he knows he's not the father of your baby.
That's not true.
James is the father.
She's not going to give him up.
She's the wife of an alpha male.
She depends on him psychologically.
Is there any chance that the unsub is the father?
Garcia said the prostate surgery was over a year ago, and there's no record of insemination.
So how do we get her to admit it?
We need to ground her back into reality, give her something to hold on to for truth.
Did you get those files we asked for, the unsolved murders?
Yeah. 
I can have them here in 5 minutes.
Great, thanks.
If the unsub did kill someone in those files, it's most likely the father of her child.
If it's an old swinging partner, he'd be easy to track down.
That's risky.
If we show her the files and he's not in there, we could lose her for good.
Yeah, but if the father is in there, it could shake her loose.
That baby is the only thing she would prioritize over her husband.
I think I can do it.
I can get her to cooperate.
How?
Right now, two alpha males are in there attacking her marriage.
She'll react the same way to anyone challenging her husband's dominance.
But I'm not a threat.
I think she'll listen to me.
So, I read this pretty fascinating theory recently.
It said that humans weren't designed to be monogamous, that in our hunter-gatherer phase, women took several mates.
The idea was that if the men in the tribe didn't know who the father was, they'd all be more invested in the child.
Interesting, right?
I guess.
Truthfully, your lifestyle is, um, it's a sociological marvel.
Don't get me wrong.
I don't judge it or you.
But I do think that the only reason you got into that was to make your husband happy.
Just like you only got pregnant after his surgery to make him happy, only, I don't think that it's working.
That's not true.
James is overjoyed to be a father.
So he didn't change around, like, month 4 or 5 of the pregnancy when you started to show?
He didn't get moody or withdrawn or anything?
How about last night, when he came home with cuts and bruises?
Didn't you ask him about that?
No.
So, Maryann, I know this is hard to hear, but I think that your pregnancy drove your husband to try to recreate those parties so he could feel in control again.
Only, instead of swinging, he's killing people.
Why won't you people listen to me?
He's not capable of doing that.
How about killing the man who got you pregnant?
Do you think he's capable of that?
No.
Because you'd be lying.
This is his baby.
These files are recent unsolved murders, men who have been killed since you conceived.
Now, if I'm right about your husband,
I think that the father of your child is somewhere in here.
Bob Atkins?
Is it him?
I can't believe this.
James Boyd?
You don't give up, do you?
You just can't accept the fact that my husband and I love each other.
Yes, we have an unconventional marriage, but that's not a crime.
We have a strong relationship.
James respects me.
He would never do anything-- [crying]
[Cell phone rings]
[Ring]
[Kids yelling]
It went straight to voice mail.
He must have turned it off.
Maryann, we need you to tell us what you and your husband used to do before you got married.
What your habits were.
You mean like where we went on dates?
No, your sexual habits.
Think of it. 
You don't just jump into swinging.
Most people have games building up to it.
What were they?
He'd sometimes pretend to pick me up.
What does that mean?
We'd meet at a bar.
I'd arrive and he wouldn't be there.
He was in the back watching me.
What were the names of the bars you went to?
Just one. 
Dunley's.
It's at the town mall.
And how did the game end?
He'd make me dress provocatively.
He wanted guys to hit on me, and then when I'd show some interest--
James would step in, seduce you back to him?
[Loud music playing]
He's in the middle of the bar.
There's no way to take him down without risking collateral damage.
If we go in there, he'll start shooting up the place.
He'll do that anyway.
This guy's looking for a spark.
Then we'll need a distraction.
What are you doing?
He's gone back to his old patterns.
He wants to play the game he played with his wife.
Debra Wilson played that game and it got her killed, Prentiss.
All right, keep his focus off the crowd long enough for us to take him down.
You guys better have my back.
We will.
♪ ...
Just leave me be ♪
♪ so step in ♪ [song continues indistinctly[
James.
Hey! 
I thought that was you.
How's Maryann?
Oh, you don't remember me, do you?
We met at a-- a party.
We did?
Yeah. 
That was a-- that was a crazy night.
I'll bet it was.
Emily.
Um, it was Halloween.
Ok, tell me if this rings a Bell.
Uh, you asked if we were interested in Maryann, and then you and I watched for a while, and then you joined in.
Brian didn't stop talking about that for weeks.
Look, look, look, look.
I'm sorry, I really don't remember you.
It's ok.
So, do you still hit the scene?
No, I don't.
Hmm.
Yeah, me neither.
I came tonight, uh, hoping to find a real man.
Lucky for me I found you.
[Chuckles]
So we have met?
So where's Brian?
Oh, he's not around anymore.
Yeah. 
Well, that happens.
Lose your boyfriend.
The scene will definitely do that.
You know, I'm not that torn up about it.
There'll be other boyfriends.
Hmm.
You know, there's only, uh, only one way to make the lifestyle really work.
You gotta choose someone who's stable.
Who's, uh, secure.
In fact, Maryann and I have a, uh, little secret system we worked out.
You want to know what that is?
I always choose husbands for her...
Never boyfriends.
[Laughs]
I don't know you.
And you don't know me.
Move, move.
[Gunshot]
[Screaming and shouting]
FBI! 
Nobody move!
The situation is under control.
You're not in danger.
You need help?
Are you all right?
Tell...
Tell...
Tell Maryann...
[Gasps] Tell Maryann...
I will.
Prentiss: "We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing our own skin."
Andre berthiaume.
[Knock on door]
Garcia...
Sir, I'm scanning the open case files.
My plan is to have this office paperless in a month.
That can wait.
When gideon left the bau,
I found myself taking on too much responsibility.
And I quickly realized that I could only do the job that I was good at.
I've seen you give everything to this case and to this team for the last few days, but the truth is, we need you here.
Oh, thank God.
Sir, I do not want that job. 
I mean--
I want part of the job.
I want the part that keeps me here, 'cause here I'm Mozart, but out there, I was like a monkey playing the trumpet, and you guys need Mozart.
You did fine.
What if we split up the job?
You can handle intake and resources here at Quantico, we can cover the rest in the field, and when we need you, you'll still travel with us.
You can do that?
Of course.
But I let you down.
In no way whatsoever.
I kind of lost my marbles out there.
Garcia, when you applied for this job, you gave me your resume on homemade pink stationery.
I realized then that you were...
Unique.
And I wouldn't want you to change that.
Good night.
Good night.

Guys, I got good news.
I sat down and took a look at my life.
I am so sorry.
You doin' okay, buddy?
Actually, it was great.
I took a long, hard look at myself, and realized what I was missing.
- A girlfriend?
- No.
- A job?
- No.
- Boyfriend?
- No.
- Email address?
- No.
Personal relationship with your creator?
Hey, can I finish my story?
No, we can get this.
A phone, either land line or cell.
No.
Sheets without animals or names of NFL teams on them.
Okay, you're getting warm now.
So I'm gonna tell you.
When I was a kid,
I went on vacation to the boardwalk at venice beach.
And on that boardwalk, I met a special, amazing man.
This man had what everyone in the world wanted.
An iguana on his shoulder.
Sounds like a real winner.
Actually, he wasn't.
Without the iguana, he was just another weird dude with a smelly, ratty beard, trying to hit on my mom.
But with the iguana, he was the man that everyone admired.
And who actually ended up sleeping with my mom.
I never blamed her...
Because I understood the power of a man with an unnatural pet on his shoulder.
Guys, there's someone I want you to meet.
My new best friend/iguana,
Diane Wiest.
Wow, that... that's...
Wow.
It's...
Beautiful?
Why'd you name it Diane Wiest?
Have you seen hannah and her sisters?
If you had, it'd be obvious.
Was it expensive?
It was very expensive.
But now people will know what a rebel and an outsider I am.
You guys won't believe how my life's gonna change.
I could walk into any city walk or outdoor mall, pier, or promenade knowing that I'm the guy, the guy.
Get some.
Uh, wow.
It's not too late to join me.
I mean, we can get you some silver body paint, and you could stand still for ten hours.
You, we'll get some roller-skates on you.
You could play electric violin.
Maybe a rainbow wig.
Dudes, together, we can rip it up.
- No.
- Yes.
- I mean, no.
- No.
all right, people.
Listen up.
Thank you.
Well, as if your awful little lives couldn't get worse, this school has decided to serve up another f-u sandwich.
Apparently, the commies on the school boart politbüro have decided to send some red army thug into my classroom to indoctrinate you all with something they call "art class."
I know, I know.
I don't like this any more than you do.
As we all know, art equals expression equals free speech, equals civil liberties, equals the terrorists have won, and you have to marry a horse.
Yeah, when does the art class start?
I'm afraid it starts today.
All right, you don't have to pretend for me.
But you should put on a good face for whatever brown shirt pinko is about to goose step through that door.
It's a miss hauser.
Hello?
Wowie wow wow.
Wow, wow!
Wowie. 
Wow!
Wow, wow!
Choo!
I've... 
I've got slight allergies.
You must be Mr. Henkel.
And you must be miss vaginal intercourse.
Er, hauser.
Welcome to my desensitizing lubricant.
I hope that you don't mind my sharing your classroom like this.
Oh, no, no.
It's my pleasure.
I'm a big believer in art education and your whole socialist agenda.
Well...
As much as I would love to just stand here and chat with you all day,
I should... 
I should probably get to my students.
- Mm-hmm.
All right, people.
I want you to treat this beautiful, fierce, fertile-looking woman with the respect she deserves.
If any of you show even a glimmer of disrespect to this woman, her long, supple limbs or the scent of springtime that seems to follow wherever she goes, then you will know the wrath of Mr. Henkel.
If you need anything, anything at all,
I'll be in the bathroom that locks for the entire next hour.
Okay?
Okay.
Oh, careful.
She's a vision.
Absolutely amazing.
It's as if Venus herself came to teach the class.
Or Serena.
Either of the Williams sisters.
She's just that beautiful.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I thought you had a problem with the whole arts program.
Josh, I'm a simple man.
You know, if something is new or different,
I react with hatred and intolerance.
It's the American way.
What's up, guys?
I just spent the whole day with Diane Wiest on my shoulder.
You're not gonna believe how my life has changed.
People stop to say hi to me.
I got a nod from a black guy.
A dude with a parrot gave me a high-five.
It was great.
You do look like a new man.
Have you lost weight?
Oh, yeah, a bunch.
What's your secret?
Well, I get up early every morning.
I do little-to-no exercise every day.
I combine that with a sensible diet.
For lunch, I have a French dip sandwich.
Dinner, French dip.
Breakfast... you familiar with French toast?
Well, I have a French dip.
Now, you combine that with the kick-ass mental attitude that comes with being an iguana man, and you're good to go.
I can't believe you lost all that weight eating nothing but French dip sandwiches.
Proof's right here, buddy.
I don't know how it works.
I don't know how a fork works, either.
But I still use one.
Mm.
Hey, Meg, one French dip.
Make that two French dips.
Hey, Meg, what do you think about a guy who lost a lot of weight and carries around an iguana?
Sounds like a guy who knows where to buy some crystal meth.
Good one.
Ohh. 
Mr. Henkel, you startled me.
Sorry, I thought I'd just come say hello.
That is, if you're to busy.
Oh, not at all.
You know, I think that you have a wonderful group of students here.
I know.
Yeah, it's the smart ones that cause trouble.
These are more dumb and manageable.
Like cows.
Well, I think that some of them are very talented.
Which speaks to how well you've cultivated their young minds, Mr. Henkel.
Well, I don't show them just any movie.
Now, one boy, Connor Sperling, is really quite an artist.
Oh, you know, uh,
I like my art mainly in jigsaw puzzle form.
This one looks like it'd be a toughie.
So anyway, now that we're sharing a classroom,
I thought maybe we could get to know each other better.
I would like that.
Would you like to have coffee with me?
Because I've got a coffee pot in my car.
Uh, miss hauser, would it be okay if I work on my drawing some more during free period?
Yes, Connor.
You know, you're really capturing the light on this one.
You know, I've got this cup that when you pour something hot in it, grimace turns purple.
You know what?
I was thinking, actually, it could use a tiny bit of blue.
Blue. 
Really?
Show me.
You...
Now you try.
Did I mention the coffee has booze in it?
Yes, uh, wow.
That's perfect.
Say, you know what?
Forget about the coffee.
Miss hauser, there's this little cafe a couple of blocks from school.
Perhaps I could take you to lunch.
Oh, I can't.
I'm helping Connor.
You can't or you cannot?
Those are the same thing.
Are they?
Yes.
Yes, well...
So they are.
Uh, you're blocking my light.
You know what you're blocking of mine, son?
This French dip thing is actually working.
I've eaten these for five days straight, and I've lost a few pounds.
Oh, wait till you're on it for a couple weeks.
The weight'll just start flying off.
Yesterday, Diane Wiest barely recognized me.
She took a chunk that big out of my arm.
Another week of these,
I'll be able to take one of those boudoir photos of myself for miss hauser.
I'm thinkin' tasteful, black and white.
I'm holding one of those little masks on a stick.
Guys, this is incredible.
My dad's sitting on a French dip goldmine.
Dad, you know that money I lost?
You mean my life savings?
Yes, I'm familiar with it.
I've discovered a way to make that money back, and then some.
Your French dip sandwiches actually make people lose weight.
Josh, there are 1,600 calories in those sandwiches.
We marinate the beef in butter.
Yeah, but sometimes you gotta eat fat to lose fat.
It's like how the polio vaccine is made out of polio.
That doesn't make sense.
It's the exception that proves the rule.
That doesn't make sense either.
Dad, it takes more calories to digest that sandwich than are in it.
Nope.
Look we just gotta let people know about the French dip diet, and then this place is gonna explode.
Josh, please don't help me.
I've done nothing wrong.
You know, if Luke Skywalker had listened every time his father said no, he never would have killed yoda Kenobi with that lifesaver.
Are you trying to make a star wars reference?
Yeah, I gotta see that movie sometime.
We gotta get some buzz going about this diet.
I'll send some spam emails.
Chris, pretend to be 12 different people on a message board.
Not an unfamiliar m.O. For me.
Glenn, you tell some talkative fat ladies.
That'll really get the word of mouth going.
With Diane Wiest by my side, them talkative fat ladies will come to me.
Oh, yes, they will.
- Christopher.
- Hello, Mrs. Franklin.
I'm here to give Jeremy some extra help with his history homework.
How nice.
I'll make you boys a snack.
All right.
Hope you're ready for the three branches of government.
I wish they were 300.
- Okay, I need a favor.
- I'm listening.
There's this kid in my class named Connor Sperling.
He's become inconvenient.
I need him taken care of.
Chris, this is not what I do.
I just need you to rough him up a little.
You don't have to break his legs or anything.
Not that I'm telling you how to do your job.
Just get him out of the picture.
I'm trying to take my operation legit.
Maybe if you came to me a year ago, when I was 12.
I was younger and unrefined.
I remember.
Back then, I would have sent a guy to the kid's house...
Of representatives, which is part of the legislative branch.
And then the executive branch would veto the legislative branch in the knee caps with a tire iron.
And that's how a bill becomes a law.
Here are some gingerbread men I had made.
Now, be sure to eat the legs first...
So they don't run away!
Okay, you gotta help me.
I can't hit a kid.
I'm a teacher.
I hit a kid, seven months later, he gets a growth spurt, then I'm running scared until he goes to college.
Chris, you've always been a friend to me.
I'll talk to this boy and see if we can come to an understanding.
Thank you, Mr. Jeremy.
But, Chris, someday I'm gonna ask you to do me a favor.
Say, flunking a basketball player to beat a point spread.
And that may never come.
But here's the guy's name, and do it by Friday.
I never thought I'd say this, but there will be a ten-minute wait.
Can you believe it?
Ten minutes!
Oh, oh, this is so good.
So...
Okay, five French dips and a bucket of au jus.
We are so busy that your father asked me to help.
But I've never been a waitress before.
We'll make it easy for you, mom.
Three French dips.
Three eiffel towers on a raft, an above-ground pool on the side, and make 'em bleed!
This is so much fun.
What else?
- Uh, a coke?
- A coke.
Give me a dog in a cable knit sweater, run it through the garden, take it to the vet, and put it down!
Strangle a drifter, stuff the body in a hollow tree, and dress up in his clothes.
Also, three French dips and a coke, please.
Anything else?
No one order anything else.
Hey, what's wrong with your dad?
I don't know.
I think he's happy.
I've never seen it before, either.
Yeah, he looks really really uncomfortable.
Like he doesn't know what to do with his hands.
Is he trying to skip?
Ugh, it's excruciating to watch.
You know what?
He's happy because of me.
Yeah, he's happy, everyone's losing weight,
Diane Wiest is peeing in my tub.
Life is great.
About that weight thing.
That five pounds I lost...
I put it back on.
Plus another ten.
Yeah, I'm ballooning up too.
And, also, I never lost any weight in the first place.
I just said I did because you guys peer pressured me.
We never peer pressured you.
You're right.
I agree with what you guys are saying.
Well, I lost a ton of weight.
Have you been drinking your au jus?
I just drank a whole glass.
I can't explain it.
I mean, look at me.
I'm lookin' good in the neighborhood.
Right?
I feel great.
Except for a little bit of searing pain in my bones.
That doesn't sound great.
Okay, hate the game, not the player, chubsy ubsy.
Well, heh.
This whole thing doesn't make any sense.
But keep doing what you're doing.
I'm proud of you, son.
It does feel good to hear you say that, dad.
Well, you earned it.
I think we might have a problem.
I gained ten pounds yesterday.
I think the only reason I thought I lost weight was 'cause I used mom's scale.
She has it adjusted so she weighs 85 pounds.
Now, shut up.
Don't screw this up for me.
I already bought $1,200 worth of rolls and meat.
And I got a doctor coming tomorrow to put his name on this diet to make it legit.
Yeah, but the whole thing's kind of based on a fraud.
Josh, I never had success before that I didn't earn.
And you know what?
This is better.
Yeah, it's like peeing in the pool.
They say you're not supposed to, but it feels great.
Yeah, but, dad...
Josh, Josh, Josh.
Come here.
Come here, look.
Look at all these people.
The market has spoken.
And it's saying, "do me, Carl!"
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna skip on out to the dining room.
Excuse me, miss hauser.
Uh, it's terrible what happened to Connor.
But now that you have some time freed up,
I took the liberty of making some dinner reservations.
I hope you like unlimited breadsticks.
Hello, Mr. Henkel.
Connor here was just drawing a villa in provence.
Hmm, let me guess.
You'll still be helping him with it at 6:30.
Yes, that's right, Mr. Henkel.
Nice, um, flowers.
I'm sorry, I have to go, because my eyes have dirt in them.
Ahem.
Hey, man.
Don't "hey man, me.
"Hey man" you.
Whoa, whoa, settle down.
What's the problem?
I thought you were gonna take care of that Connor kid.
I went to talk to him, and we got to looking through his portfolio.
Turns out he's a pretty good artist.
I bought three pieces.
He reminds me of hockney, without all the gayness.
Well, thanks for nothing.
Looks like I'll be dining alone tonight.
Unless you like fondue.
- No.
- I didn't think so.
Chris, if you like this woman, tell her how you feel.
Don't let some kid push you around.
You're right.
Now, uh...
Go run along.
Okay.
Glenn, are you...
Are you okay?
Oh, yeah, man.
Let's order up some French dips.
You don't look so hot.
No?
I haven't looked in the mirror in a while.
My eyes can't focus real good.
Okay, okay.
I'm starting to get worried about you.
I'm okay, man.
Just order me another French dip.
And let Diane Wiest chew it for me, 'cause my mouth is getting sleepy.
No, I got this guy, and he'll write up the diet as a book for a flat fee, and then we'll just slap our names on it.
Oh, I'm fine with any arrangement where the writer gets no backend.
Guys, I'd like you to meet Dr. Justin Brenneman.
Dr. Brenneman, this is my son Josh, the genius behind the French dip diet.
So...
How much weight have you lost, son?
- Oh, me?
- Mm-hmm.
None.
Glenn's the only one who's actually lost weight.
Are you all right?
You don't look very good.
Is something crawling on me?
Other than the iguana?
So, uh, excessive weight loss, very high fever.
Slight to severe dementia.
This man is very sick.
Oh, I'm sure he's fine.
Just a stab in the dark.
Could he be sick because he's been carrying a filthy lizard around for a week?
Well, he could have contracted a parasite.
But only if he ingested some of the animal's feces.
I don't think we can rule that out.
Of course, uh, a parasite can only do this kind of damage on a person who's on a diet with essentially zero nutritional value.
Oh, well, that's a given.
Oh, boy.
Well...
We all learned something here today, didn't we?
I guess we did.
We learned that you and my other grandma used to like to take me to the beach.
I love playing in the sand with my shovel.
Where am I?
Ahem.
Oh, I'm floating down a long tunnel towards a white room.
What's he talking about?
I think he might be about to die.
Ahem.
Uh, miss hauser.
Do you have a moment?
Hello, Mr. Henkel.
Miss hauser, in the time we've known each other,
I've spoken around my feelings.
Beaten around the bush.
And it's time I spoke my mind.
You know, I haven't been totally honest with you about my true feelings, either.
Well, go ahead.
Oh, Mr. Henkel, this is...
Ohh.
This is a crazy world that we live in.
But sometimes...
You meet people.
Special people.
And they just...
They help you make sense of the whole thing.
Do you have any idea what I'm saying right now?
I do.
If I've learned anything, it's that when you meet these special people, you need to hold on to them, no matter what.
Even if society says that they're complete wrong for you.
Society says bad things about me all the time.
Look at us.
Two lonely fools who want the same thing.
Such silly fools.
What are you doing?
- What?
- Rebecca...
Is this man bothering you?
I can handle it, darling.
- W-wait.
Your special person is that kid?
Yep.
And I am his.
He's only 15!
He's going to be 18 in 2 years, 7 months, and 26 days.
And I'm willing to wait...
For Connor.
He may be young, but he has an old soul.
Farewell, Mr. Henkel.
And good-bye.
- We had a ten-minute wait, Josh.
People were waiting to eat here for ten minutes.
- I know.
- Hmm.
I'm sorry.
How's Glenn?
- Stabilized.
- Oh, that's good to hear.
Yeah.
Chris and I dumped Diane Wiest in a ditch by the side of the highway.
You did the right thing.
Yeah, I thought so.
Listen, Josh, this whole French dip fiasco,
I can kind of see how you could get caught up in something, and before you know it, it's gone.
Like me and your life savings.
Like you and my life savings, yeah.
I got $1,200 worth of French rolls and medium grade sandwich beef in the kitchen.
Someone's gotta eat it before it goes moldy.
I'm your man.
Clearly, I'm the man for that.
That's why I asked.
Yeah, let's do it.

USS Kelvin. 
I killed your captain and left your ship plummeting.
- Let's do this.
- I'm right in the middle of something.
- But I'm about to deliver our baby!
Whew.
- Last time I eat Romulan for lunch.
- The ship is gonna crash.
- Oh, no, no, no.
- You have to make it.
Don't know if I can. 
It's out of control.
Say goodbye to our son for me.
I'll send you his picture.
I did it. 
I regained control of the ship.
I'm alive!
The heck I am.
Hi. 
I'm James T. Jerk.
- I'm Abora.
- Ahh. 
You're telling me.
- This jerk needs to be taught a lesson.
- For yawning?
No. 
For stealing the bar scene from Star Wars.
- That's enough.
- Unh.
- You should be in Starfleet instead of a bar.
- Why? 
Look where it got my father.
Your father was the captain of a starship for 12 minutes.
He was on the toilet for 10 of those, but I dare you to do better.
Well, then, pass me those nachos.
Whew. 
That was for you, Dad.
Welcome to Starfleet. 
This is Slack-off.
- Mr. Toodle-oo.
- Toodle-oo.
And I am Captain...
Shlock!
I finally found you.
Now I will destroy your home planet with my drill.
- It can do that?
- That's not all it can do.
Order now and we'll throw in this destructive red goo.
That's the drill and the red goo for just 19.99.
Order in the next five minutes and we'll throw in this free oven mitt.
- Got to destroy that drill.
- I've got to save my family.
I gotta get that oven mitt.
- Energize.
- Toodle-oo.
- Shlock.
- Mother. 
Father. 
No time to explain.
This planet is going to explode.
So is your mother.
She had Romulan for lunch again.
Oh. 
I should hit the toilet again before we go.
No!
Oh. 
I feel so much better.
- I stopped the drill. 
Did you save your mo...?
- Don't say it.
- Or I will kick you off this ship.
- Mum's the word.
Vulcan idiot.
- Aah!
- I gotta work on my greetings.
Unh. 
Ben Kenobi?
I am Shlock from the future.
Zero marooned me here, forced to witness a most unspeakable act.
- The destruction of your planet?
- No. 
The rest of this movie on DVD.
Luckily, I think I've found a way off this snow cone.
Uh, a little help? 
Anyone?
- I thought I kicked you off this ship.
- Yeah. 
But someone old and wise said I'm supposed to be the captain.
- Future Shlock?
No. 
It was Gene Rottenberry.
The guy who created Star Blecch.
- Now move over.
- Unh.
Shlock!
Ugh. 
Doesn't this TV get any other channels?
Beauty tips with Megan Fo...
Oh, good. 
Ben 10.
Shlock!
- This is illogical.
- That I continue to stalk you?
No. 
That anyone can follow the plot of this.
We've stolen so much from Star Wars.
Let's steal the ending too.
She's all yours.
Now, let's blow this thing and go home.
Yahoo!
Wow, this mission has aged the crap out of me.
I am not a mirror.
I am you from the future.
- Did you come back to wish me luck?
- No.
To get my money back. 
This DVD sucks.
Slack-off, give him his money back.
- Mr. Toodle-oo, warp speed.
- Toodle-oo.
Are we out of cheese again?
Oh. 
I forgot to put it on the list.
How does that still need to be written on a list?
It's that time of year again.
When the undead come out looking for great deals on school clothes.
So head to Aberzombie and Stitch.
The clothing store with tons of gore where everything is half off.
Need a cool outfit for stumbling around at the dance?
Our jeans aren't just distressed, they're deceased.
And check out these scarves.
But you'll have to move faster than that.
Because this sale only lasts a day, a night and a dawn.
Aberzombie and Stitch.
It doesn't take brains to know it's best the place to shop.
You love the characters in Toy Story 3, but here are some rejected ones.
Speak n' Swear.
How you do spell house?
How the **** should I know?
Mr. Couch Potato-Head.
You guys rescue Buzz.
Baby Never Stops Crying.
If we don't find Andy before tonight...
I'm sorry, this is just...
Does he really need to be here?
Bizz, the friendly fax.
What are we gonna do, Bizz?
And Private Space.
Aah! 
I need a personal perimeter of 5 feet-by-5 feet.
Toy Story 3. 
So many characters.
But not these.
Yep.
You got ninjas.
Good morning, subscribers.
Gossip Hurl here.
Your one and only source for nauseating news about Manhattan's ill-ite.
This week's top stories:
Squeemy Vandergag returned to town only to eat a bad piece of tuna at Lori Green's reception.
When Clammy Feverpot saw this, she spewed chunks into the punchbowl spoiling the rest of it for everyone.
When she heard her party was ruined, Lori didn't take the news so well.
And when something that juicy gets out everyone gets involved.
Gossip Hurl. 
Your one-stop barf blog.
But if we clap real hard, she'll come back to life, right?
Right?
And now it's time for Beauty Tips With Megan Fox.
Hi. 
I'm Megan Fox.
Are you happy with your looks?
You shouldn't be.
If you take my advice, you'll be so beautiful, no one will believe it.
First, always use a shade of eyeliner that compliments your skin tone.
Not dark enough?
Then use your laser finger to burn it a shade darker.
Wanna draw more attention to your lips?
Just open up your wrist access panel and set the air pressure to a safe 2.5.
It's that easy.
And for those special occasions, sometimes a whole new look is in order.
That should get heads turning.
Turning, turning, turning.
Destroy all humans, destroy all humans, destroy all humans.
Hi. 
I'm Megan...
Megan, Megan, Megan...
Shlock!
This has been Beauty Tips With Megan Fox.
- Yello?
- Hmm.
Looks like somebody got caller ID.
It's time for everyone's favorite game. 
No, It's Not.
Can you guess what this is?
Do you think it's chicken?
Is it a fish? 
No.
It's snot.
Thanks for playing.
There's no money in the budget for glee club.
How can you be so sure?
For starters, we're using the cheerleaders as chairs now.
Ugh. 
How can my group compete with Screamios?
They can't. 
My girls are beautiful and they're invulnerable.
You're confusing them with the cheerleader from Heroes.
An easy mistake. 
They're both popular and they both bring in the crowds.
Unlike your pile...
Don't say it. 
We don't have enough money for a censor either.
- Too bad. 
Because they are u...
- Glee
Oh, yeah? 
You'll see.
We'll bring in the crowds the same way all those other teen shows do it.
What's that?
Just some high school squares
Some jocks, some girls One's in a chair
Trying hard to stay on key
Dodging red slushies
She hates germs
They're told to spy
Not quite sure if that's a guy
But no matter what it's called
It's a lot like High School Musical
Singing in high school Seems to be the thing that's cool
So we'll do it too
This makes our show number five
The Jonas Brothers sing
Hannah Montana croons
Victorious is filled with tunes
It's cheap, it's lame We're all just copying Fame
Singing in high school Seems to be the only rule
Forget plot
Who are we trying to fool?
No need for originality
His hairstyle's from '83
And this gesture is our sole choreography
It's all schlock
What do you think?
Can glee stay?
I don't know. 
There wasn't enough money in the budget for an ending.
Shlock!

A hundred years ago all was right with our world.
Prosperity and peace filled our days.
The Four Nations: 
Water, Eath, Fire and Air Nomands lived amongst each other in harmony.
Great respect was afforded to all those who could bend their natural element.
The Avatar was the only person born amongst all the nations who could master all four elements.
He was the only one who could communicate with the Spirit World.
With the Spirits' guidance the Avatar kept balance in the world.
And then a hundred years ago, he just disappeared...
BOOK ONE: 
WATER
I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. 
Sorry! 
Sorry!
Yeah. 
I guess so.
Stop doing that staff around me.
My brother and I live in...
Our father are fighting in a war.
My mother was taken prisoner and killed when I was young.
In this time of war food are scarce.
My brother and I often go hunting for food, but... unfortunately my brother isn't the best hunter in the world.
Tiger's seal.
Are you sure?
Just back away. 
Very slow.
Katara, do not hit that spear!
Is he breathing?
Did you see the light shot through sky?
What's your name?
How did you get here?
How did you get in the ice?
He's exhausted.
We need to get him back to the village.
What is this thing?
Wow!
How did you get all the way out here?
I ran away from home.
Oh, I see.
It wasn't very smart.
I was just upset.
Thanks for saving me.
Lucky.
I probably should get home.
You're not still upset?
Not as much as I was.
- Fire nation's here.
- What?
And they brought the mashines.
Don't come out till I'll tell you it's safe.
Is something wrong?
No! 
Please wait here.
Sokka, don't.
I am Prince Zuko.
Son of Firelord Ozai and ... to the throne!
Grandma.
Come on.
Katara, don't.
You're scaring this people.
Who are you? 
What's your name?
I don't need to tell you anything.
Firebenders!
I'm taking you to my ship.
If you don't come I'll burn down this village.
I'll go with you.
Don't hurt anyone.
They draged mum away the same way when we were babies.
She wouldn't have stood and watch us being taken away.
She would've fought.
We found that boy. 
He's our responsibility.
We should fight.
What would you do if they tried take me away?
I'll kill them all.
Why?
Because you're my sister.
Because dad told me to protect you with my life.
Because I'm your responsibility.
And this boy is our responsibility.
What do you want us to do, Katara?
How do we suppose to save him?
There are no ship.
We need a mirracle to catch them.
I know you think everything's going to work out.
But I don't.
... creatures didn't float.
What do you want with me?
My nephew wants me to perform a little test on you.
What kind of test?
I actually you won't hurt. 
Performed hunreds of times.
It's only takes a few moments and you're free to go.
Would you mind if I'll put a few things infront of you at the table?
It will only take a moment.
It's all you want?
My name is Iroh and you have my word.
I knew from the first time we discovered you were airbender.
Today I found out that destiny.
Did you see that boy's tattoos?
Tattoos like that haven't been seen an over a century.
I believe they are airbending tattoos.
How can that be?
I believe that little boy might be the Avatar.
Once, a long time ago the spirit world kept balance over us.
What is the spirit world grandma?
Oh, that's not a place made out the thing you can touch.
But it excists nonetheless.
Each of this creatures is a spirit.
They have watched over us since the begining.
They have guided us.
And only the Avatar can go speak to them.
Are that spirits here?
Yes, there are some spirits that live hiden among us.
Sure, they're watching us with great sadness.
The fire nation doesn't wish to live by the spirits.
That's why they're so frightened by the excistence of the Avatar.
He will begin to change hearts.
And it is in a heart the all words are one.
Now, go help this boy.
He will need you two.
And we all need him.
You are my prisoner, airbender.
I'm taking you back to the fire nation.
You said I...
I appologise.
If you fill the test as all the others did you were free to leave.
But as it turns out you're the only one in the entire world who passed this test.
It is trully an honour to win your presence.
Don't move.
You have no where to run.
I have to go back now.
We'll come with you.
I can't take you back to the village.
We're going with you.
You've found the Avatar.
Aang flew us to his home.
Hey, guys!
I want you to meat someone.
This is where you live?
They must be planning some trick or something.
He is the teacher responciable for me.
Is it okay if you tell me your name?
Okay guys. 
Enough.
We keep them as pats.
Weren't they extinct a long time ago?
Extinct? 
No.
Your friends were monks?
I know where they are right now.
Aang, wait. 
I have to talk to you.
I left a few days ago!
Aang, the fire nation knew the Avatar would be...
You're lying!
I made it for him.
Katara, stay away from him!
Katara, stay away from him!
Your friends were monks?
The Avatar, where have you been?
Let's offer him lunch.
I wanted to thank to great general Iroh and young Prince Zuko, who are dining with us.

A hundred years ago, all was right with our world.
Prosperity and peace filled our days.
The Four Nations:
Water, Earth, Fire and Air Nomads lived amongst each other in harmony.
Great respect was afforded to all those who could bend their natural element.
The Avatar was the only person born amongst all the nations who could master all four elements.
He was the only one who could communicate with the Spirit world.
With the Spirits'guidance, the Avatar kept balance in the world.
And then, a hundred years ago, he just disappeared.
I'm sorry. 
I'm sorry!
Hey, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
I'm sorry! 
I'm sorry! 
Hey!
It worked better that time.
I thought about Mom. 
Isn't that strange?
Yeah. 
I guess so.
Just stop doing that stuff around me.
I always get wet.
My brother and I live in the Southern water Tribe, which was once a big city.
Our father is off fighting in The war.
My mother was taken prisoner and killed when I was young.
In this time of war, food is scarce.
My brother and I often go hunting for food, but, unfortunately, my brother isn't the best hunter in the world.
- Tiger seal.
- Are you sure?
I did everything Dad said to do.
I watched which side of the fin tracks are more indented.
That shows which direction they're going.
I saw how long the drag skids are.
That shows you how fast they're going.
There's something under there.
It's a cave-in!
Move away from the cracks!
Katara, don't go near it.
This is probably some Fire Nation trick.
Just back away really slow.
Katara! 
Do not hit that sphere!
Uncle, look!
Is he breathing?
Did you see that light shoot into the sky?
What's your name?
How did you get here?
How did you get in the ice?
He's exhausted.
We need to get him back to the village.
What is this thing?
It's trying to eat me!
Look. 
See?
How'd you get all the way out here?
I ran away from home.
We got in a storm. 
We were forced under the water of the ocean.
I see.
It wasn't very smart. 
I was just upset.
- Thanks for saving me.
- Lucky.
I probably should get home.
They'll all be worried.
- You're not still upset?
- Not as much as I was.
The Fire Nation is here.
- What?
- And they brought their machines.
Don't come out till I tell you it's safe.
- Is something wrong?
- No. 
Please wait here.
- Hurry, now!
- Secure the area!
It can't be coincidence that we break him out of the ice, light shoots into the sky and now the Fire Nation is here with their machines.
Sokka, don't.
I am Prince Zuko son of Fire Lord Ozai and heir to the throne!
Bring me all your elderly!
- Papa!
- Move!
Yeah?
Grandma!
Please don't... don't harm him!
Come on!
Katara, don't.
- Form a line!
- Come on!
Here.
Hey.
Grammy!
You're scaring these people.
Who are you? 
what's your name?
!
- I don't need to tell you anything.
- Firebenders!
I'm taking you to my ship.
If you don't come, I'll burn down this village.
I'll go with you.
Don't hurt anyone.
They were looking for someone old and they were looking for someone
With the same markings the boy had.
They dragged Mom away the same way when we were babies.
She wouldn't have watched us being taken away. 
She would have fought.
We found that boy. 
He's our responsibility. 
We should fight.
What would you do if they tried to take me away?
I'd kill them all.
- Why?
- Because you're my sister.
Because Dad told me to protect you with my life.
Because I'm your responsibility.
And this boy is our responsibility.
What do you want us to do, Katara?
How are we supposed to save him?
They're on a ship.
We'd need a miracle to catch them.
I know you think everything's going to work out, but I don't.
His bison creature thing floats.
What do you want with me?
My nephew wants me to perform a little test on you.
- What kind of test?
- I assure you, it won't hurt.
I've performed it hundreds of times.
It only takes a few moments.
And then you're free to go.
Would you mind if I put a few things in front of you at the table?
It will only take a moment.
That's all you want?
My name is Iroh, and you have my word.
Grandma, I know you're gonna try to stop us,
- but this is just something I need...
- Sit down.
I knew from the first time We discovered you were a Bender, that one day, I would realize your destiny.
There hasn't been a waterbender in the Southern water Tribe since my friend Hama was taken away.
Today, I found out that destiny.
Did you see that boy's tattoos?
Tattoos like that haven't been seen in over a century.
I believe they are Airbending tattoos.
How can that be?
I believe that little boy might be the Avatar.
Once, a long time ago, the Spirit world kept balance over us.
What is the Spirit world, Grandma?
It's not a place made up of things you can touch.
But it exists, nonetheless.
It is filled with the most amazing forms of dazzling creatures that exist in the most exotic valleys, mountains and forests.
Each of these creatures is a Spirit.
They've watched over us since the beginning.
They have guided us. 
And only the Avatar can go speak to them.
Aren't there Spirits here?
Yes, there are some Spirits that live hidden among us, sure they're watching us With great sadness...
The Fire Nation doesn't wish to live by the Spirits.
That's why they're so frightened by the existence of the Avatar.
- What can he do?
- With his mastery of the four elements, he will begin to change hearts.
And it is in the heart that all wars are won.
Now, go help this boy.
He will need you two.
And we all need him.
You are my prisoner Airbender.
I'm taking you back to the Fire Nation.
- You said...
- I apologize.
I should have explained further.
If you failed the test, as all others did, you were free to leave.
But, as it turns out, you are the only one in the entire world
Who could pass this test.
It is truly an honor to be in your presence.
Don't even try to escape.
This is a warship!
Stop! 
There's no way you can...
Don't move! 
You have nowhere to run!
Halt!
Don't let him escape!
Get him!
Thanks for bringing Appa to me.
The Fire Nation is up to something.
I have to go back now.
- We'll come with you.
- I can take you back to the village.
We're going with you.
You found the Avatar.
For a moment, I had my honor back.
Your destinies are tied, Zuko.
That, you can be sure of.
Aang flew us to his home. 
He told us how he left there in a storm on Appa, and got forced into the ocean where they almost drowned.
Aang Airbended a sphere around them, and ice formed.
And he couldn't remember anything after that.
Hey, Chinto! 
Monae! 
I'm back!
Hey, guys! 
I want you to meet someone!
This is where you live?
They must be playing some trick or something.
Monk Gyatso is gonna try and jump out and scare me at any moment.
He's the teacher responsible for me.
He's kind of like my father.
- Is it OK if you tell me your name?
- The monks named me Aang.
OK, guys! 
Enough!
Spider-rat!
They're poisonous! 
Get behind me.
He's a flying lemur-bat.
We keep them as pets.
Weren't they extinct a long time ago?
Extinct? 
No, there must be thousands of them on this mountain.
Your friends were monks?
I know where they are right now.
They're at the prayer field!
Aang, wait! 
I have to talk to you!
Aang I think you were in that ice for almost a hundred years.
- The Firebenders started a war.
- I left a few days ago.
Aang, the Fire Nation knew the Avatar Would be born into the Air Nomads so they exterminated all the Air Nomads.
You're lying!
You're lying!
This is Monk Gyatso's.
I made it for him.
No!
Katara! 
Stay away from him!
Katara!
Stay away from him!
Your friends were monks?
The Avatar?
Where have you been?
Aang!
You can't bring Monk Gyatso back, but Sokka and I can be with you as long as you need!
Don't give up! 
we can do this together!
You said it, friend !
What do you say for celebration we go dunk our whistles in the trough ?
We should totally phone Gaspard !
He would love to hear this tale !
Oh, but I only have 15 pfenigs on my phone card.
Happy Gerbitz Day.
Oh, it is so good to have my boys back home safe and sound.
- Thank God for that psychic.
- What are you talking about ?
- The psychic didn't do anything.
- She said we were gonna find them and we did.
I always wondered about psychics, but I gotta tell ya, I'm a believer now.
Yeah, I'm gonna go back and see what else she has to say.
Hey, check it out. 
Chris and Stewie, you're on the front page of the paper.
You know, Chris, that girl from school sees that picture and you're in.
Look, Stewie, I'm not really gonna ask her out.
I think that just might have been cocky forest talk.
No, but you got to take advantage of this. 
Seize your moment.
Like the Duck Founding Father.
Gentlemen, these are all important fundamental rights, but I move we strike the right to bob for small fish with your butt in the air.
- All in favor ?
- Aye.
Opposed ?
The motion carries.
I don't know about this, Stewie.
Nonsense. 
You're a hero now.
Your picture's in the paper.
She'll be fawning all over you.
{ ow, }Which one is she ?
There.
Hi, Chris !
- Wait a minute. 
That's the girl ?
- Yeah.
Isn't she special ?
That's the way the state of Rhode Island would put it. 
There's something... up with her, isn't there ?
Yeah. 
She's got Down's Syndrome.
- Oh, okay, well, there we go.
- She's so sweet.
And doesn't she have the most beautiful eyes ?
{\Well, }the spacing seems a tad off, but, yeah, individually, they're not awful.
{\All right, }I'm on board.
Go talk to her.
Hi, Ellen.
Hi, Chris.
This is my little brother Stewie.
Your head makes me laugh.
I'm guessing this one owned a bunny, but not anymore.
Listen.
There's something I've wanted to tell you for a really long time.
Oh, yeah ? 
What ?
Well,
I really like you.
And I was wondering if maybe... you want to go out on a date with me.
Okay. 
Pick me up Saturday at 8 : 00.
Great. 
See you then.
There you go. 
Being confident.
Like an Italian guy in any given theoretical situation.
If that was me...
I'm, I'm just saying, if that was me...
They are lucky that was not me.
Because, if the circumstances were such, as you have described them, but with me in them, that's a very different and scary outcome for those involved.
If !
Oh, my God, Brian.
Oh... my... 
God.
- {\What is it ? 
}What happened ?
- I just went to see my psychic
Estelle, and she told me that Stewie is gonna grow up to be very successful.
- Ah ! 
Isn't that great news ?
- You went to see that psychic again ?
- That's the third time this week.
- She's a lifesaver, Brian.
She gives me the confidence to live my life knowing I'm making the right choices.
Wow, and she does all this for free ?
No, she charges me.
She charges you ?
!
{\ Well, }That's weird.
Why would you pay her to hear things you want to hear ?
I'm not crazy about your tone, Brian.
{\Well, }I just think you're being taken for a ride, Lois.
Like a snail on the back of a turtle.
Slow down ! 
I want to get there, but I want to get there alive !
Mom, why do I have to take a bath with Stewie ?
Because, Meg, Estelle told me that someone in the family was in danger of drowning, and that I should take some steps to prevent it.
So, from now on, everybody has a bath buddy.
What am I gonna do ?
I'm really nervous about my date with Ellen tonight.
I mean, I want to impress her, but what if I mess things up ?
Come on, Chris, it's just a matter of getting off on the right foot.
First things first.
Let's get you looking sharp.
You've got to look your best tonight
You tubby little parasite
'Cause there's a lovely lady and she's waiting for you
And though her pretty face may seem
A special person's wettest dream
Before you get to see it there are things you must do
We'll try a tie and boutonnière of yellow
Or a rose that shows that you're a classy fellow
With the posh panache of Jefferson at Monticello
Busting out a mile with style
I know you just can't wait to stare
At all that luscious orange hair
But, boy, before you touch a single curl
You must impress that ultra booming', all consumin'
Poorly grooming'Down's Syndrome girl
On any normal day you reek
As if you're on a farting streak
Your finger's up your nose and you are dripping with drool
But if you want a lady's love
You're better off by smelling of
A gentleman's cologne instead of sneakers and stool
A squirt, a spurt
Of something'just for Ellen
And you'll see that she will find you so compellin'
And she does because
The only smell that she'll be smellin'
Won't be coming from your bum
You wanna take that little whore
And spin her on the dancing floor
But boy, before you do a single twirl
You must impress that effervescing
Self-possessing, no BS-ing
Down's Syndrome girl
Her eyes are emerald portals
To a secret land of love
And her smile is like the sweetest summer flower
Her kiss is so inviting
And her hugs are so delighting
And what makes them really nice Is that they've got a little spice
Because they're tighter than a vice and they go on for an hour
My boy, between the two of us
We'll get you on that shorty bus
And then you're gonna take it for a whirl
Now go impress that super-thrilling Wish-fulfilling, Yoohoo-spilling
Ultra-swinging, boner-bringing Gaily singing, dingalinging
Stupefying, fortifying As of Monday, shoelace tying
Stimulating, titillating Kitty cat impersonating
Mega-rocking, pillow-talking Just a little crooked walking
Coyly pouting, booby-sprouting For some reason always shouting
Fascinating, captivating Happiness and joy creating
Down's Syndrome girl !
Okay, Brian, I'm here.
Now, what is it you want ?
All right, look, Lois, this psychic nonsense has gone too far, so I'm going to prove to you that there is no such thing as someone who is psychic, and that with the most minimal training and the right set of buzzwords,
anyone can appear to be psychic.
Even a complete boob like Peter.
Watch this.
Excuse me, ma'am. 
I'm psychic, and I'm getting a strong feeling from you.
Do you have a watch or clock that no longer works ?
I used to have a watch that broke.
Just by asking very general questions that would apply to most people, a person can appear to have inside knowledge about you.
I'm also sensing that you have a dead relative.
My husband died of cancer last year.
Oh, my God. 
Awesome.
Okay, I'm sensing some other bad stuff.
My daughter was just in an accident.
- Sweet ! 
High five !
- You're awful.
You don't want to hear the truth, don't come to the park.
Okay. 
Okay, you made your point.
I get it.
Maybe I went a little overboard with the things Estelle told me.
All right, look, can we just go home now ?
- Come on, Peter, let's go.
- Brian, I felt something.
Just now, talking to that bitch cancer widow.
I think...
I may have a gift.
- We were just doing a demonstration.
- No, Brian. 
This is real.
I believe I am psychic.
My first prediction :
I am either going to fly or ruin that family's picnic.
- Hey ! 
You've ruined our picnic !
- Psychic.
- What are you doing ?
- Quiet.
I'm performing a psychic reading.
Peter, for the last time, you're not psychic.
I most certainly am.
All right, Quagmire, clear your mi...
Soft hands !
Clear your mind, remove all traces of unease and doubt, and I will tell you your future.
What is it, Peter ?
You will die in a plane crash and be reincarnated as a prophylactic.
All right !
No, no, not all right !
Well, I'm glad we're finally going out, Ellen.
I've really liked you for a long time.
{\pos(192,278)}What the hell you think you're doing ?
{\pos(192,278)}Sitting down.
{\pos(192,278)}Get up and pull my chair out for me.
{\pos(192,278)}Oh, goodness, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
That's better.
You going to be this rude all evening ?
You haven't asked me anything about myself.
Sorry.
What do your parents do ?
That's better.
My dad's an accountant, and my mom is the former governor of Alaska.
Oh, that's cool.
It's real cool.
Now, get up, come over here, and give me a shoulder massage.
Okay.
Boy, you're tougher than a doggy dominatrix.
Do it, do it. 
Come on, do it.
Do it, do it.
Yes ! 
Yes !
You bitch !
Oh, my God, this is awful.
There's got to be 200 people here.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for coming.
Thank... 
Hold on.
I'm sensing something psychic.
Ma'am, did you have a female relative who's passed on to the other side named,
- Polly ?
- {\Polly ! 
}I said it first.
That was amazing.
I've never seen a bad show at the Marriott.
Oh, my God, they're all falling for this insanity.
I'm sensing a black guy over here.
Is there a black guy ?
Me ! 
I'm a black guy.
Yes, good, good.
I'm sensing your infant daughter has earrings.
He's right. 
She does.
Peter, you got to stop this right now.
Shut up, Lois.
Don't mess up my psychic-ness.
I'm sensing a doctor in the audience.
Where is the doctor ?
I'm a doctor.
Okay. 
Your great grandmother is contacting me right now
{\and }she wants to know if this rash looks like it's going to go away.
Well I guess I'd tell her to use Bactine.
No ! 
She says Bactine hurts.
She wants something more soothing.
Peter, we need your help.
We just got word of a kidnap victim buried alive with a bomb strapped to his chest.
We need your psychic powers to lead us to him before the bomb goes off.
Well, well.
Finally, a true test of my abilities.
You came to the right place, Joe.
I'll psych that guy out for you.
Peter, you can't do this.
All right, I mean, it's one thing to take money from a bunch of suckers,
- but this is serious. 
You're a fraud.
- I am not.
I'll tell you who's a fraud :
Mr. Spock.
- Mr. Sulu, set a course for...
- One moment, Captain.
They're about to announce the winning numbers for the Intergalactic Lottery.
Today's winning numbers are 18, 24, 41 and 72.
Ah, yes ! 
You're damn right !
Hell, yeah ! 
You can suck it.
You can suck it. 
You can suck it.
You can all suck it !
Live long and suck it !
Well, Ellen, I had a really interesting time with you tonight.
I guess I'll talk to you soon.
You're not leaving yet.
I need somebody to make me an ice cream sundae, so get in the house.
Okay, okay.
Uh, unless you're going to pull a sundae out of your belly button,
I'd get your ass in the kitchen.
Oh, boy. 
My dogs are mooing today.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- What's the matter ?
Did I say put chocolate sauce on there ?
Did you hear me say put chocolate sauce on there ?
- Well, I just thought that...
- You thought what ?
You know, if you want access to this temple, you better pay the proper tribute.
All right, that is it !
I don't care how hot you are.
I don't much like being treated this way.
You know, I used to hear that people with down's syndrome were different than the rest of us, but you're not.
You're not different at all.
You're just a bunch of like everyone else !
I got bad news for you, buddy.
You just blew it.
Get out of my house now !
- How'd it go ?
- Looks like I totally screwed that up.
No, you didn't. 
You made a vow that you were going to ask Ellen out, and you did.
That took courage, my friend.
Especially for a poor, timid sap like you. 
I'm proud of you.
Thanks, Stewie.
I'm just sorry I never got to make out with her.
She would have crushed your scrote into a diamond with her robot-strength hand.
Come on, let's get out of here.
All right, Peter, we know the victim is somewhere in this area.
We don't have much time before the bomb...
Okay, Joe, when I'm tracking someone, it often helps to touch something that belongs to the victim. 
Does he have a wife ?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's still very fuzzy.
Does he have a daughter ?
Yeah, I see. 
Does he have maybe, like, a thinner, hotter daughter ?
Well, yes, but she's only 12.
Okay. 
Like a... 
like a young 12 or, like, a "she eats a lot of milk products so she got her boobs early" 12 ?
Which is a real thing, by the way.
- Peter, we're running out of time !
- All right, we'll try something else.
I will now use my psychic powers to seek help from beyond.
I shall now channel the ghost of Lou Costello, who will guide us to this soul in distress.
Hi, everybody.
It's me, Lou Costello.
What's the name of the guy{\ we're looking for}?
Well, he's an Asian fella...
Melvin Hu.
- That's what I want to find out.
- What ?
- The name of the guy.
- Melvin Hu.
- Are you a cop ?
- Yeah.
- You handling this case ?
- Yeah.
- What's the name of the guy ?
- Hu.
- The guy we're looking for.
- Hu.
- The guy who's buried.
- Hu.
- The guy with the bomb.
- Hu.
- What street's he live on ?
- First.
Yeah, I'm not psychic.

Is that it?
I see. 
A place that allows for destruction of surrounding areas with few consequences.
I guess so.
What are you daydreaming for?
If you keep your head up, the enemy will spot you.
Yeah, sorry.
That's not good.
Those are Magic Knights of Runa.
Staying asleep
Losing sight of you
It makes me want to break everything right now
If I can't hear the words I yearn for again
I'd carelessly offer my life
Desires that cuddle
With a fading light
It's lonely
Will the morning sun come before me?
Answer me
Is there a love that binds us?
Stand and face the despair we invited
The wills of the people
Born and destroyed
Choose the future and open the lock
According to an edict issued this morning, each and every noble in the king's faction is getting a major promotion!
However, our Hero King, Lord Sion Astal, has not ended his reforms there!
It says that if we citizens have the talent, we'll also be granted official posts!
Just when I thought he had settled down, he pulls an outrageous stunt like this.
That child of a lowborn dog seeks to make a mockery of us!
His Majesty's really gone all out!
Yeah. 
From rear admiral up to field marshal, he went up several ranks!
Why make me a field marshal?
!
Is field marshal unsatisfactory to you?
- The only position higher is high marshal...
- That's not what I'm talking about!
You think we'd jump for joy over promotions that you dictated?
I am well aware of our rudeness, but I find it somewhat imprudent to take such measures in our current situation.
Indeed, it could be taken as provocation by the nobles of the anti-king faction.
With a tone of, "If you don't like it, bring it on!"
I'm at a loss.
Complaining in spite of being promoted?
You all have such little ambition.
What are you implying?
We are not at Your Majesty's side for successful careers, but because we are inspired by the way Your Majesty puts this country first, and we wish to be of aid to you!
Then, Lord Gnubul.
If I were to say that this edict came from putting this country first, you would be willing to accept it?
Well...
You all know of the country called Gastark, do you not?
I don't know many details, but they're a small country on the northern tip of the continent, right?
Then, I trust you know of the country of Stohl?
Of course.
They're a prominent, major kingdom out of all of those on the Menoris Continent.
Stohl has roughly five times our national and military might.
According to information that has come to my attention, two thirds of their territory has come under occupation by Gastark.
Unbelievable.
How could a great kingdom like Stohl permit an invasion so lightly?
It doesn't end with Stohl.
Many other smaller kingdoms have been swallowed up by them.
Frankly, we can't get accurate estimates.
It's rather far away, after all.
Indeed it is.
We are strongly geographically separated from Gastark.
For them to become a threat to our country...
Yes, Gastark may not come to us.
But it is fairly likely that other kingdoms feeling pressured by Gastark will seek to increase their own national and military might.
They'll start fighting in droves.
Am I wrong?
We're running out of time.
We have no more time to continue this unseemly infighting in our own country.
With that in mind, Froaude offered a proposition.
A proposition to set a trap for the nobles opposing me, and purge them all in one fell swoop.
Purge?
!
Women, children, everyone?
Sion! 
If you did that, you'd be no different from that old piece-of-shit king!
No, Claugh.
Froaude's proposition is not wrong.
I consider it to be one valid option.
However I am the king of all living beings in this country.
Even the nobles who wish to kill me are still Roland citizens.
Ergo, I believe they must be protected.
I wish to save their lives, even if only a few of them.
I wish to unify this country, without killing anyone.
That is the reason I carried out this aggressive measure.
If the nobles seek to join my camp,
I shall accept them.
I would like to work alongside them to make Roland into an even greater country.
But if they insist on opposing me I will resort to a purge if I must.
I'll say it once more. 
We have no time.
I cannot allow this country to be destroyed.
Would you be willing to work alongside me, to save this country?
Let all be as my king decrees it.
Let all be as my king decrees it.
Feed the nobles sweet honey.
When they lower their guard, purge them all in one clean sweep.
I expected you to ultimately choose my plan, but...
You wish to save as many people as you can, even if only a few?
Yes, I suppose kings should be this way.
Do you already realize it?
No, perhaps you seek to walk the right path even after realizing it.
But, Your Majesty the path you have chosen will lead to far more bloodshed than the one I showed you.
And you are plagued with worry.
With that being the case,
I must work to lighten those worries, even if only a little.
Let all be as my king decrees it.
Major Miller has a grim expression yet again today, I see.
I guess he's mad because we failed our mission.
It couldn't be helped, Captain.
Our failure this time was hardly our fault.
Our opponent this time was just too tough.
He used far greater magic than yours, Captain Milk. 
It was unbelievable.
That strength is absurd!
He even sent out a red dragon!
Yeah, that was scary. 
I wonder what's going on there now?
It might have turned into one heck of a tourist attraction.
They may be selling red dragon buns and other made-up souvenirs.
That doesn't sound very appetizing.
But if we get pulled off the mission now, what will we do?
We can worry about that if it comes up.
The practical issue is that the taboo breaker this time was out of our league.
No way!
I'm gonna save Ryner, mark my words!
I'm gonna save him, I will!
You're as spirited as always, Lieutenant Callaud.
Y-Yes, sir! 
Major Miller, you also seem in good spirits.
Then, you're saying the practical issue is just that this taboo breaker is out of your league?
No, sir. 
This mission should be a cinch!
H-Hey, Captain, we can't!
- Getting off this mission would be better...
- I just wasn't serious enough before!
When I get serious, I can trounce a Ryner or two, no problem!
Can't I, Luke?
E-Er, well, maybe, but...
I see. 
If Luke speaks that strongly, I'm sure you'll do fine.
Er, no, um...
All right.
I'll continue to entrust this mission to Milk Callaud's taboo breaker pursuit squadron.
Sir! 
I'll give it everything I've got!
An opponent out of our league, hm?
This man, Ryner Lute, is much more troublesome than I had expected.
But beyond that... 
It looks like Sir Sion is finally starting.
Yeah, so it seems.
This country won't hold out much longer without chasing out the corrupt nobility.
Anything would do at this point, even a purge.
What's wrong, Luke? 
Have you grown to hate the nobility even more than before?
Yes. 
When I think of the way Captain Milk was treated by House Callaud...
She was taken in from an orphanage, wasn't she?
I hear that House Callaud sought to demonstrate their influence among the military, and that Lieutenant Milk was also given rigorous training.
Yes.
I don't think Captain Milk has ever enjoyed simple happiness before this.
Right now, Milk Callaud must not remain in this country.
I understand.
After all, we mustn't allow Captain Milk to get involved in the turmoil that's about to start growing.
- Who's doing the cooking today?
- Just have Moe do it.
It's always me that does it!
Ryner.
Wherever you are, mark my words.
I'm coming to save you, okay?
Come now, hurry up and go on a rampage, little devil!
H-Hey, is it really safe to encourage a rampage like this?
I don't know. 
That's what the experiment's to find out, right?
Hmph, you leave me no choice.
Oh, the devil is squirming. 
Does it hurt?
Then why don't you beg me?
Oh, great Saint Chezo Kalti, please save this cursed devil!
How dull. 
Hurry up and rampage!
How long has he been like this?
Calm down.
Even if we leaped out now, we wouldn't be able to save him.
We're up against Magic Knights.
We need to form a plan first.
You won't go on a rampage just over injuries to yourself?
M-Mom...
Mom... 
Mom! 
Mom!
- Mom!
- Ryner!
Your mother is dead because she gave birth to a devil!
That means your father committed the same offense!
Arua...
Dad! 
Mom was... 
Mom was, because of me...
It's not because of you.
It's them. 
They killed her.
Arua, this isn't because of you in the least.
So... you can't let them have what they want!
Dad!
Don't let it bother you if I get killed.
You have to live...
We'll let the brat live. 
At least until he breaks and we're done using him!
Attack! 
We're under enemy attack!
I offer up this contract, to bear the wicked spirit beast which sleeps in the earth!
After him!
Don't get any closer.
I will warn you.
The one running around is a wild beast who attacks men and women indiscriminately.
What are you doing? 
Hurry up and get him!
I offer up this contract, to unleash the magic beast which dances through the skies!
I implore our God who dwells in Heaven!
To give Thy pitiful servants the light to destroy demons!
Outta the way!
Calm yourself, you fool!
An Alpha Stigma?
It certainly couldn't be a devil calling out to his brethren!
Holy Runa's magic cannot be stolen by one with no faith in God!
I implore our God who dwells in Heaven, to give Thy pitiful servants the light to destroy demons!
I implore our God, who dwells in Heaven, to give Thy pitiful servants the light to destroy demons!
You monster!
Damn you!
Hey, you over there, the kid's dad!
We can't save you guys by ourselves!
First, beat up that stupid noble, then take off the kid's ropes and get the hell out of here!
You'd save someone from a different country?
Dad!
Dad...
Arua! 
I'll save you now!
Dad!
I'm going to take off the ropes now, okay?
The light to destroy demons!
I can do this.
I can do this!
Together with her, I can do this!
Yes, when I'm with her...
Surely...
I'll be sure to save you...
A... rua...
See that?
I delivered divine retribution to one who sought to release a devil!
No!
Go, Ryner!
Arua.
You must be tired.
Have a long rest.
Let's go, Ryner.
Hey! 
That's our research sample!
If you take it, you'll be recognized as a devil, and you will suffer God's punishment!
Did you say God's punishment?
When you do such cruel things and get no punishment at all, you say we'd get divine retribution just because of these eyes?
!
Ryner!
Enemy reinforcements are on the way. 
Let's hurry.
Damn it!
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
What the hell is wrong with you people?
!
You'd give us divine retribution?
If so, then why did you even make us?
!
If there is a God, I dare you to answer me!
Why did you make someone like me?
To toy with me for your amusement, then deliver divine punishment?
What a load of crap.
I'm not... 
We're not your toys!
We're alive too, you know.
It's not like we wanted to be born as such devils... as monsters.
It's not like... 
It's not like...
It's not like we want these eyes, either!
Or maybe it is our fault?
If there really is a God in this land please, I beg of you, tell me.
When I close my heart
To the scent of impending darkness
A refrain of a far-off day of resurrection
Seeking to overcome resounding pain
For that transparent future I saw with you
Off in the sweeping emptiness
If you stay by my side...
I'll stretch my hand out
Towards the soaring skies of our oath
I want to be the light that protects
Your fleeting dreams, your tears
Break free from your cruelty-stained destiny
I believe in it
The other truth of my destiny
To another world
Roland's a real pain of a country.
Doesn't Sion work way too hard?
Forget about the nobility or whatever, just kick back for a little while and relax!
Seriously, yeesh.
"The legend continues easily!"

Collapse of the bearer confirmed.
This Elemio Comb has divine power.
It nullifies all of your power!
What the hell?
Burn it!
We need to run, Kuu. 
That's no Alpha Stigma!
Nemuri toki agunete
Kimi o miushinai
Kowashitaku naru ima subete
Nozomu kotoba ga nidoto kikenai nara
Inochi sae mui ni sashidasu deshou
Kiesou na kagayaki e to
Yorisou omoi
Kodoku da yo
Watashi no moto ni mo asahi ga kuru no?
Kotaete, futari o
Tsunagu ai ga aru to
Manekareta zetsubou no hate ni tachimukau
Umarete horobiru
Hito no ishiki koso ga
Mirai o erabi, kagi o akeru
Hey. 
Who are you?
God. 
Devil. 
Dark god. 
Hero. 
Monster.
Call me what you will.
After all, you shall vanish.
That Sui man seemed surprised.
But the fact that you're not an ordinary Alpha Stigma bearer isn't all that shocking.
After all, you are even worse, a legendary perverted man.
And on top of being a sex fiend, you're a lazy, good-for-nothing fop.
I never told you before, but I read the report you wrote when Sion showed it to me.
If I recall, there was a certain passage in it.
"I hate people dying. 
I hate killing, too.
I don't like to see people cry or to cry myself.
How must it feel not to be able to choose one's life?
What about when a family member dies?
Or when a loved one dies?"
I thought that the person who wrote that must have been an idiot.
You hate people dying?
People die.
You hate killing?
If someone lives, it means someone dies.
As a lazy sloth who finds everything to be a pain, and as the timid person that you are,
I highly doubt that you could ever possibly kill me.
That's what I think.
Hey, Ryner.
You wanted to advance forward, didn't you?
You didn't like being called a monster, did you?
You thought to yourself that you were sick of killing people, didn't you?
I've already evaded your attack five times.
But I won't dodge the next.
You can decide the rest.
I don't consider you a monster.
Got that? 
You're not a monster.
You are my partner, my manservant, and my tea-drinking companion.
You're no monster.
Can you hear me, Ryner?
Are you listening, Ryner?
!
N-No...
A-All of you...
Shut up.
Your time is up now.
Ryner!
Sorry, Ferris.
Close my eyes...
Ry... ner...
You're...
You're not a monster.
You're no monster!
I guess I really tried to kill you, huh?
This is what I am.
Despised by everyone as taboo.
A monster with no talent beyond killing.
But I don't want to kill people I know anymore.
So... 
You head back to Roland.
Sion wouldn't complain.
This journey is already over...
If you really intended to kill me, I would be dead right now.
But I'm not dead.
A coward like you who can't kill a single woman calls himself a monster?
Don't make me laugh.
Now then, let's find a nice place somewhere and have some tea.
I still have some of the dango Iris brought for me.
Welcome back.
Yeah.
I'm home.
In a forest on the outskirts of Nelpha, two people of unknown origin, a man and a woman, used the hero relic, the Dolueli Swordscale, and assaulted us.
They possessed two other hero relics, and I believe that, like us, they are foreigners seeking to gather hero relics.
The outcome of the battle was that they escaped.
Whether they survived or perished after that is unclear.
Lord Astal!
How many more hours do you plan to keep working?
You still haven't even touched your meal!
Sorry, Eslina.
As soon as this is finished, I'll eat it all and rest a bit.
You're saying that again?
Always with the morose expression.
What is it this time?
I'm not so troubled that I need your concern.
And there you go, taking everything upon yourself again.
I swear, you're such a...
At times like this, if you don't physically force Sion to stop, he'll keep working until he collapses.
Remember that, okay, Eslina?
Right, Calne!
All of you...
If you push yourself too hard,
Fiole up in heaven will get so worried he'll have to come back down here!
Right, Eslina?
Right! 
You mustn't do that, Your Majesty.
Please don't do anything that would make my brother sad!
To be blessed with subordinates so concerned for their lord, the King of Roland must be quite happy.
Ah, Lady Noa Ehn.
Have you grown accustomed to life in Roland?
Yes. 
With Your Majesty's kind consideration,
I have had quite a pleasant stay.
Rear Admiral Klom also treats me well.
Oh? 
Claugh, hm?
Looks like we were right on the money to have Sir Claugh act as Lady Noa's guide.
So it would seem.
Wh-What are you talking about?
Did you have some business with Sion?
Business? 
Have you forgotten?
We had dinner arrangements tonight.
Oh? 
I thought you said you had a dinner party tonight?
No, that's tomorrow.
Er, it got postponed to tomorrow.
Oh, is that right?
S-Sorry. 
I got busy, and things came up...
I understand.
I know that you stay busy with "things," Rear Admiral.
Calne, I hope you're not telling Noa anything unnecessary...
What would something unnecessary be?
E-Er, that is...
I'd like to hear all about it at greater length over dinner.
On that note, Your Majesty, I shall be borrowing your Rear Admiral for a bit.
By all means, by all means.
W-Well, er...
Sir Claugh and Lady Noa, hm?
Lady Noa has become something of a hostage for Estabul's sake.
I hope that Claugh remaining at her side will give her at least a little bit of support.
I'm sure she'll be fine.
Have you taken a moment to glance over my written opinion?
Yes. 
The state of affairs in the northern region seems to have finally grown dire.
Imperial Stohl boasts strong forces in the northern region.
There, at present, there are invasions advancing at a breakneck pace, led by the emergent royal family of Gastark, in the northernmost region of the continent.
Gastark has been annexing neighboring small kingdoms, one after another.
The equilibrium of the Menoris Continent has begun to collapse.
I believe that eventually, the onset of war will be inevitable.
Our most pressing business is an urgently needed unification of the Roland Empire.
If we don't make a clean sweep of the nobles' power and bring the kingdom together internally, this country will be engulfed in the ravaging vortex of war, and will disappear.
For that reason, what you must do now is...
A political purge, is it?
That would be the fastest way to stabilize the Roland Empire.
But, that would be...
You are indeed a superior, excellent king.
If you take your time as you are and keep changing this kingdom, someday all of the people of the land would follow you, I'm sure.
But by that time, Roland will probably already be destroyed by another kingdom.
Regardless of your decision, I shall simply follow your will.
Duke Stearied.
I'm always hearing of your accomplishments.
I was thinking it might be nice to speak with you at length, for once.
After all, you're not like all the youngsters elevated in status thanks to the young king.
You're someone closer to our status.
I, too, desired to have a talk with you, Duke.
Is that right?
Do you feel anything, working beneath that young king?
Let's see. 
Disappointingly, my opinions never seem to quite reach him.
He's certainly soft.
The fact that he doesn't prioritize advantages in his actions makes things awkward for me, to be honest.
I thought as much.
Then, you understand, don't you?
You can tell which side would be more advantageous to join.
There are scant few sharp men such as yourself among the nobles.
I could make you my right-hand man.
You could have any reward you named.
You, much like the other nobles, are rather slow-witted, aren't you?
What?
Any reward I named?
It would be impossible for you.
It is something that only Lord Sion Astal can make a reality.
Only Lord Astal, a true ruler who allows the weak and the strong to coexist within him.
My revered king is far too kind.
He even seeks to save the worms that crawl right before his eyes.
That is why I must act in his stead, to crush each and every one of them.
Let me ask you, instead.
With whom will you side?
The old forces that dwell within this nation or my king?
It's grown a bit late, hasn't it?
I hope that's not sarcasm over my standing you up with our dinner arrangements.
Not at all. 
Do I look like the kind of woman who would stay upset over such petty matters?
No, but... 
Well, women are complicated, y'know.
My.
You seem to be quite knowledgeable about females, Rear Admiral Klom.
I'm telling you, quit with the "Rear Admiral Klom" thing.
Claugh is fine.
I'm not really angry.
I simply haven't had many outings where I remained out this late.
And under such a pretty night sky...
Is it that pretty?
Is it different looking up at the sky in Estabul?
The sky is the same everywhere.
But, even looking at the same sky, the feeling you get from looking at it changes depending on who you're with, right?
Is that how it works?
I am truly glad that Roland has a person such as yourself.
Nothing.
Today was truly fun.
Thank you, Claugh.
Sorry for staying out this late.
You're a smart lady.
You seem to understand the position you've been placed in.
If I scream, you'll kill everyone. 
Is that it?
Then, I'd like for you to comply with my orders.
First, shall we have those clothes off?
Geez, I just don't get women.
Claugh!
Stop!
Damn it!
Noa! 
Are you all right?
!
What have you done to her?
- Nothing, yet.
- Nothing?
Then why is she crying?
In any event, you can't do anything.
Not with that wound.
That's not what I asked.
Why is Noa crying?
!
That's what I asked!
What I seek is thunder!
From the shape of the mountain, we can tell that our goal, the town of Regit, is just around the corner.
Rumor has it that the town of Regit is cursed by a devil.
It might offer us a solid lead on a hero relic. 
Right, Ryner?
- Let's get moving.
- Huh?
Ryner, right now we've been charged with an important mission.
A mission to protect the freedom of all dango from the grip of that overbearing king!
What the hell are you talking about?
I shall do my utmost for the dango's sakes.
Hey, wait up!
- Hold it right there, brat!
- Don't do anything stupid!
- You won't get away, you little...
- No! 
Let go! 
Please!
Knock it off!
Do you have any idea what you all have caused for us...
Bro, it's not very cool to beat up children, you know.
What's your problem, you...
Hey. 
You okay?
Help! 
Please, help!
Calm down.
Arua... 
Save Arua!
Please! 
They're wrong!
They're wrong about Arua!
- Arua?
- Arua is no monster!
Please, save Arua! 
Arua's no monster!
What did you say?
Lady Noa Ehn was attacked?
Thanks to the efforts of Rear Admiral Klom who fortuitously happened to be nearby, it ended without incident.
Roland and Estabul are following a path of reconciliation, based upon Lady Noa's existence.
If she dies now, another revolt will become inevitable.
And their anger would naturally be focused upon Your Majesty, as Lady Noa's protector.
It's just like them.
They don't consider what benefits the country at all.
They'll do anything to take me down, to get all the influence they want.
What choice will Your Majesty make moving forward?
What path would you recommend?
It is as I told you before.
First, ingratiate yourself with the nobility.
Even if they sought Lady Noa's life, Your Majesty must not press them.
Accept them, and feed them sweet honey.
Get them to lower their guard.
Then...
Slaughter them all?
If necessary.
But what of the people?
Even in that short amount of time, many people will be oppressed, and many will die of starvation.
What of it?
I have everything prepared already.
All I need is your order.
It wasn't you that had Lady Noa attacked, was it?
It is a rather exciting tactic, isn't it?
However, I unfortunately had no hand in this matter.
- You may leave.
- Sir.
Arua is my childhood friend.
We all got along well and lived together.
Our lord suddenly raised the village's taxes by a lot.
A bunch of soldiers came to the village.
My father and my mother were both killed.
The soldiers tried to kill me, too.
When they did, Arua suddenly... used magic...
- Arua!
- Arua had never used magic before.
And, in Arua's eyes...
Everyone's calling Arua a monster!
The lord and soldiers took him away, saying they'd investigate in detail!
Please! 
Arua... 
Save Arua!
All right.
Shall we be off?
We can't leave an Alpha Stigma to chance.
It could run wild at any time.
That's...
Or do you have another problem with this?
Do you know where Arua was taken?
Ah, it was probably...
I see. 
Over there, hm?
Michiru kanashimi subete
Kaze ni azuketara
Kanadeyou yasashii serenade
Kitto negau kono kokoro ga
Nani yori tashika na eien no michishirube
Fuete yuku tsumi no umi ni
Hikari no arashi yo maiagare
Donna ni kizu darake demo hashiritsuzukete
Nageki no ame wo kodoku no asa wo
Kakenuke bokura wa deaeru
Nagareru hoshi no koe ga kibou furaseru yo
Tobidatou
Hajimaru yo truth of my destiny
To another world
Alpha Stigma? 
Devil's eyes?
Bah, this sucks!
All of you, quit dragging me into this crap!
We don't have these eyes because we like them, you know!
This sucks.
"The legend continues at a leisurely pace..."

Wow, what a cutie!
What class is she in?
She looks intimidating.
- What's the big idea?
!
- Sorry, my bad.
Watch where you're going!
What if you hurt somebody?
!
Looking up at the door of reminiscence
The faraway whispering I was listening to
Guide me, labyrinth of the soul
To the path of the flakes of light
The pain that pierces me is an innocent trick
I want to believe that I'm not alone
This place is a paradise of wandering
With wings that dye the heart white
If I can reach your eyes
Embrace me with a smile
Know the meaning behind being born
Gazing at one another, the destiny legend begins
Now, begin!
Are you trying to make me lower my guard? 
If you are, then...
Hey! 
Are you okay?
!
- Let's go.
- Yeah.
Ryner! 
Wake up, we're moving!
- Ryner again? 
Just leave him alone, Kiefer.
- Ryner. 
Ryner!
Doesn't it bother you, having that said about you?
What bothers me is that I couldn't skip today's training because of you.
Geez...
What am I doing?
Okay, here's some extra!
Ooh, I want that!
- No wasting money!
- Okay!
Is there anything you want, Kiefer?
You're a fourteen-year-old girl.
You don't have to be hard on yourself.
I don't really...
Okay, Sister Naia, Sister Kiefer!
Here.
Aren't they pretty?
Thanks.
What's a group of Estabul spies laughing about in a place like this?
- Kiefer! 
Take Lemile and get out of here!
- R-Right!
What I seek is thunder. 
Izuchi!
Kiefer, hurry and run!
I offer up this contract, to bear the wicked spirit beast which sleeps in the earth.
Is Sister Naia okay?
She's fine. 
We'll meet her at the border.
Your older sister's already caught up with you.
See?
She said she'd protect her little sisters, even if it meant her life!
Are you kidding? 
It's way too little, way too late!
I... 
I'll kill you!
I like it!
Sis!
Stop it! 
You're killing her!
Be silent!
Sis... 
I can't breathe...
S-Stop...
Not my sister...
I'll do... anything you say...
Anything?
Accursed Estabul spy, you'll betray your nation for your little sister.
I care for Ryner.
To me, Ryner is...
I have no right to say such things.
I'll betray Ryner after this, too.
I hate it. 
I don't want to kill anyone else.
Please, Ryner... 
Help me.
What a nice nap that was.
Geez, Ryner, you sleep too much.
I'm sleepy.
Sleep-driving is strictly forbidden.
But I haven't slept at all.
That one's gotten enough sleep for both of you, so it should be fine.
Private Kiefer Knolles!
You'd better run, too! 
This place won't hold out much longer!
But, Captain! 
There are still ordinary people here!
Forget about that! 
The Gastark army will be here any minute now!
The military nation of Stohl boasts the greatest strength in the Menoris continent.
I thought they would have researched a bit into Ryner's Alpha Stigma.
- A-Are you all right?
- Y-Yeah.
I can't afford to die in a place like this!
I offer up this contract, to unleash the magic beast of light which dances through the skies!
No way, my magic was deflected?
Does it have a magic coating?
A Stohl soldier?
Are you some kind of fool?
Stohl abandoned this village.
What do you think you can do alone?
What do you know? 
This is why I hate war!
What's with you?
You're a soldier that hates war?
Of course I am! 
Where in this world would you find someone who likes war?
!
So you're going to keep up the angry conversation, while waiting for me to show an opening.
That magic you just used isn't native to Stohl.
Going right between Gastark and Stohl, risking your life to try and save people that aren't even from your homeland.
You're just a fool.
But I love that sort of fool.
The preparations are in order, Your Majesty.
- And the securing of the civilians?
- All complete.
A large-scale spell from the Stohl army will be incoming shortly.
Please get back, Your Majesty.
Your Majesty? 
It couldn't be...
Your Majesty!
I, too, hate war.
I hate blood, and tears, and every sad thing.
I hate it when friends die.
I hate it when children die.
For a cutie like you to die would be such a waste, I won't have it.
But as long as nations exist, wars will happen.
I always consider ways to reduce the casualties, even by a little, if it has to be that way.
Not just Gastark, but Stohl as well...
No, the entire Menoris continent.
I'll save every person on it, and eliminate war. 
That's my dream.
Waging war to eliminate war?
You're contradicting yourself!
Yeah, I guess I am.
That's why I'll...
I'll... use this!
Contractor. 
I answer thy call.
Come, offer thy compensation, and in doing so, unleash my power.
Take my left eye.
I need power!
The contract is completed.
Now, give me power!
Glouvil! 
I release you!
I will not let this sacrifice be in vain. 
I am a slaughterer. 
I...
I will advance forward!
I will mow everything down!
Your Majesty!
I'm fine. 
Tell Stohl this.
If they don't want another attack like this they'd better surrender!
- Your eye...
- It's compensation.
For using the Sacred Sword Glouvil.
His Majesty has already offered up his sense of smell and his right leg as sacrifices.
That's horrible...
I just took an unbelievable number of lives.
To save even more future lives...
If those can be bought with a single left eye, it's a small price to pay!
Do you regret it?
People who kill and don't regret it are scum.
If you want to save a lot of lives, come to my side.
Join me, Riphal Edea, king of Gastark!
I won't, not yet.
But someday, I shall come to your side, Your Majesty.
Someday, huh? 
Ah, well. 
See you then.
Saving the world, hm?
Riphal Edea...
Did you hear about the recent major purge?
I hear Lieutenant General Froaude is behind it.
You must jest! 
You mean to say he even raised a hand against his own father?
How long do you plan to keep me as a field marshal?
How long?
You go back to being field marshal!
That way I can quit being one with a clear conscience.
Field Marshal Klom, Your Excellency, you are the most appropriate person for it.
Are you trying to flatter me?
No, I mean it.
What's with that? 
That somehow pisses me off even worse.
That part of you is a talent that attracts those in military circles.
That unbelievable simplicity.
It makes you appealing, and makes the soldiers want to follow you.
Now you're making fun of me!
All right, that's enough.
You two really don't get along, do you?
I would like to have Field Marshal Claugh Klom pay a visit to Estabul.
To Estabul?
In order to reform the Estabul army, and integrate it into the Roland army.
Now, look! 
There are still tons of people in the Estabul army who resent Roland!
If we tell them to merge their armies, we're bound to get insubordination!
No. 
Now that a new wind has begun to blow due to that purge, it is an item which should be strongly prioritized.
Given that Lady Noa Ehn enjoys great support from the people of Estabul, and given how well you get along with her, it's a job you should be able to handle.
Are you telling me to take advantage of Noa?
You don't like that?
- Of course I don't!
- It is necessary for this nation.
The nation of which Your Majesty speaks.
Does it include the people of Estabul as well?
Of course. 
You are all my valuable citizens.
There is no lie or deceit in my desire to avoid ever fighting with them again.
I once had a friend named Kiefer Knolles.
But when Kiefer betrayed us as an Estabul spy, most of my friends died.
Then, does Your Majesty resent Estabul?
Perish the thought.
Even now, Kiefer is my dear friend.
She was in a helpless situation.
Her older sister was killed by Roland, and her younger sister was taken hostage.
She was forced to become a double agent.
But there was no lie in her smiling face.
She undoubtedly cried out for help in her heart many times.
But I never noticed it.
As long as I am king, there will be no further war between Roland and Estabul.
So I want your aid.
I understand. 
So long as it is within my power, I shall do anything.
At the same time as you integrate the Estabul army and strengthen our forces, you'll make selections from Estabul military personnel and let them save face.
It's brilliant.
I can only hope it goes so well in practice.
I shall be heading to the Runa Empire soon.
To Runa?
It seems as though Duke Stearied, who hatched the plot to assassinate Your Majesty, had some contact with Runa nobility.
I am going to ascertain the facts.
Watch yourself. 
I cannot have you die.
I shall take those words to heart.
It's going to be a pain to rescue Kuku like this.
What will become of our grand dream of throwing a magnificent dango party together with Kuku?
Why does your dream become my dream by extension?
I shall do my best for our grand dream!
What's wrong?
There doesn't seem to be anyone in the house.
Yeah, I don't sense any presence.
D-Damn you both...
Well, shit.
My, if it isn't Ryner and Ferris.
What a pleasant surprise to see you again in such a place.
Were you waiting for us?
We were. 
We're quite interested in you, Ryner.
Owner of a unique Alpha Stigma.
An enormous power, one incomparable to that of other bearers.
Even my Rule Fragment, the Elemio Comb, was virtually no match for it.
And on top of that, even after awakening and going out of control, you've returned to normal like this.
Just who are you?
If I knew that, we wouldn't have nearly this much trouble.
The child you two secured is also an Alpha Stigma bearer, is he not?
Where did you hide him?
- You know about Arua?
- Of course.
We hold an interest in the Alpha Stigma, after all.
Kuu!
I offer up this contract, to bear the wicked spirit beast which sleeps in the earth!
There's no escaping Kuu!
Runa soldiers?
Let's split up! 
Leave this to me and take care of Arua.
Right!
Oh yes, Ryner. 
Before we part ways, allow me to tell you one thing.
The girl you call Kuku is being confined in the manor of a noble of this territory.
I'll be waiting for you there.
You scumbag.
The king of the Runa Empire is absent?
My father, or rather, the king, is currently ill, and he has left the country for convalescence.
Is that right?
Pardon my intrusiveness, but where did he go?
Perhaps Cassla in the north? 
Or Imperial Nelpha?
I'm afraid the details are not...
Ah, I beg your pardon. 
Women are neutral in political affairs.
That is proper behavior for a lady of this country.
It is an honor merely to set eyes upon such a lovely lady of your station on this occasion.
I see.
The king of Runa has betrayed his alliance with Roland, and joined hands with Gastark. 
Is that it?
Thus why he would be unable to meet with me.
Furthermore, the one in charge of the plot to assassinate the king of Roland was the king of the Runa Empire himself.
I've told you everything. 
Save me!
Please, get rid of these... these monsters!
The Gastark messengers slaughtered all of the Runa soldiers in an instant.
I certainly can't let this go unchallenged.
I suppose I'll have to dispose of them as well.
Vestiges of that day I had forgotten
Faint in the direction of the sky
Our hearts should have been connected
The trembling eyes don't answer
No matter how much I believe
No matter how much I want to convey
This voice won't reach
Filaments of light
Carve everything into my body
From here where I set out walking
Memory segments
Untie the strings of fate that now bind me
I want to grow strong
So that when we meet again
I can give you more protection
Why is it always one sucky thing after another? 
Didn't I say it already?
All you northern people, please just stay north and keep out of here.
This sucks and I don't want to deal with it.
Revenge and all that just isn't my style.
"Grin" "Munch"

Staying asleep
Losing sight of you
It makes me want to break everything right now
If I can't hear the words I yearn for again
I'd carelessly offer my life
Desires that cuddle
With a fading light
It's lonely
Will the morning sun come before me?
Answer me
Is there a love that binds us?
Stand and face the despair we invited
The wills of the people
Born and destroyed
Choose the future and open the lock
Long ago, it was said that countless beings existed with power great enough to control the world.
They were called demon lords, devils, dark gods.
The world was constantly in danger of being destroyed at their hands.
But, there were warriors, now called legendary heroes...
They would appear, with power far beyond the demon lords.
And they would slay the monsters.
Who were these so-called "heroes,"
who defeated monsters strong enough to destroy the world?
If relics of them were to be found, their value would be great.
As to whether these so-called demon lords and heroes truly existed...
The Alpha Stigma will enlighten us.
A simple attack spell.
Attribute: 
Flame. 
Attack range: 20.
Activation method: 
Nelpha pattern crest form.
Power level: 
A. Adjusted value: 0-7-2.
- Flare Burst!
- Flare Burst!
Flare Burst!
The same magic?
How could a Rolandian use Nelpha magic?
The Alpha Stigma...
- Alpha Stigma?
- He's a monster!
Don't use magic!
He'll steal Nelphan magic!
Sending an Alpha Stigma monster as a spy?
Does Roland seek to start a war against Nelpha?
- That's not...
- That's not right.
Ferris?
Does this foppish man look like he could spy on anything?
Hey...
Does the truth hurt?
What does that make you, if you follow that fop around?
A lovely lady.
Just kidding.
Sh-She's adorable!
Don't be fooled!
All hands, attack!
Wait, we're just searching for relics of the hero resting here in Nelpha...
R-Retreat! 
Retreat!
Hold up! 
We don't want war!
We just want the hero's...
Ouch, that seriously hurts!
What's your problem?
Do you comprehend the concept of a covert operation?
What would we accomplish talking about hero relics?
Would you mind doing your job without unnecessary comments?
T-Terribly sorry, Ma'am!
As long as you get it. 
We'll resume our mission.
- Let's go, Ryner.
- Yeah...
Man... 
Missions, hard work, I can't stand that stuff.
Don't lag behind. 
If you drag your feet, I'll go on without you.
Yes, Ma'am!
Found him!
I'd like to ask one thing.
- Yes?
- We're looking for relics of heroes resting across the world, and bringing them back to Roland, right?
So why are you sitting around in a tea house eating dango?
This dango recipe is simply scrumptious.
It could easily stand alongside Roland's Wynnit dango shops!
I couldn't care less.
How could you not care less about dango?
Besides, you wrote the report on the hero's relics.
I'm just your guard.
Your situation won't change while you sit around.
Let's see.
Right now, we're around the Nelpha-Roland border.
The relic in question should be southwest of here.
Which means...
With the mountains that way, plus the distance we walked so far today...
But, according to the description in these ancient writings...
This sucks. 
I'm drowsy, I want a nap.
I could sleep for eighty years.
You two are from Roland, aren't you?
Um, yes.
No need for alarm.
There are plenty in Nelpha who hate Roland, but not me.
I appreciate that.
In the old days, the kings of Roland fought wars all over.
It was pretty bad.
But the revolution two years ago crowned a new king.
- It's been pretty different!
- Yes, ma'am.
The Hero King, Sion Astal.
So young, yet so impressive!
And super-hot, on top of that!
Ever since I saw his portrait, this old lady's been a fan!
Nonsense. 
That's incorrect.
He is no hero. 
He is a devil.
A devil?
Yes. 
That smiling face conceals the nature of an evil devil.
A heartless monster who holds dango hostage to scare me!
Yeah, seriously. 
Sure, he looks nice, but he's really a workaholic bully of a king who likes to work his best friend to the bone!
For once, you're on to something, Ryner.
Yeah, see? 
And on top of that, he dumps this crap job on me!
- Shall we get it done?
- Yes, let's.
Hail to the Hero King!
- Three cheers for Roland!
- Hail to the Hero King!
The king's so handsome today!
Thanks to Lord Sion, this kingdom's grown so prosperous.
It'll only get better from here.
Roland is changing.
With Lord Astal here, Roland's future is in good hands!
Welcome back, Sir Sion. 
How was the situation in the Celyoa region?
Worse than anticipated.
Last year's flood left heavy damages.
The Celyoa region shall be granted a temporary tax exemption.
Calne, make immediate revisions to the budget.
- Yes, sir!
- Miller, what's the situation in the capital?
No problems worth mentioning.
Duke Stearied and Count Klausberr held an extravagant ball...
It seems their objective was to show off their political power.
The same as usual.
Claugh, what's the state of our neighboring lands?
Sion, come on. 
Straight to work the moment you return?
Rest a little!
I can't. 
This land has just begun to change.
If I ease my hand here, everything can be lost.
Back to the age of kings and nobles consumed by desire, who devoured the world as they pleased.
But if you collapse here, it'll all come to nothing.
Everyone in this kingdom has pinned their hopes on you.
Yes, sometimes even Claugh can say something deep.
- Sometimes?
- Er...
Please, try to rely on us a little more!
I handle domestic affairs.
Miller handles the military.
And you've got Claugh, for what that's worth.
Calne, do you have a problem with me?
Not really. 
I certainly don't hold any grudges for having to run around fixing things after Claugh hit on a noble's daughter, or more...
Hey, I know all about your secret meetings in the castle with Lord Pearl's woman...
- Not in front of Sir Sion!
- A report from a Nelpha squadron.
It looks like "they" are still wandering the nation's border.
What are those two doing?
Is the hero's relic here?
If these ancient writings are correct.
According to the Book of Ams... 
Hey!
- It won't open.
- Listen when I'm talking!
This one's pretty tough.
Here goes the spell formula...
Release this here, and...
- Then a dummy activates here, and...
- Get back.
What was that? 
You could've scalped me, or worse...
Okay, trap released... there.
Man, I'm drowsy. 
All these tedious traps, it's too much.
Quite. 
For a sex-crazed pervert, if it doesn't involve stalking women, or abducting little girls, you wouldn't put forth the effort.
- When did I do any of that?
- That's what they all say.
What's wrong?
Ryner!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- What the hell was that?
- Incoming.
Run, Ryner!
- What was that?
!
- Look!
I told you.
After this, you are so de...
I'm sorry. 
The captain...
She didn't make it?
That's Count Klausberr's crest.
Eslina, I'll save you now!
Klausberr, prepare yourself!
The wrong person?
What's the big idea, brat?
!
Who sent you? 
You're pretty third-rate for an assassin, though.
It's over.
I'm happy because you're here, Brother!
Kill me.
It's over. 
If I can't get Eslina back, just do it...
Eslina?
My little sister.
This morning, she was on a walk and Klausberr kidnapped her.
I'm not strong enough to fight you nobles.
Without Eslina, there's no point in living in this corrupt world...
You would abandon your sister and give up everything?
Hero King... 
Sion Astal?
Just because you were born in the wrong country, the wrong world, you'd give up just like that?
This land is indeed corrupt.
But even so, I have a dream.
If the land is too corrupt for dreams, why not change it?
Change it?
For that, I will not fall short from doing whatever it takes.
Well? 
You alive?
Don't tell me you're dead.
Damn it, Ferris...
My stomach's in knots...
- Who're you?
- Ryner?
Now that you've seen me, I have no choice!
I'm the leader of the Roland Empire Taboo-Breaker Pursuit Squadron,
Lieutenant Milk Callaud.
You acquired Roland magic and left without permission.
You've been recognized as a taboo breaker.
In order to preserve the Roland magic system's secrecy, you must be put under restraint, and...
Owwie.
I'm beat. 
Hungry, too.
Yeah. 
Let's finish with these ruins and go out for dango.
Hey, wait!
I'm putting you under restraint!
What I seek is thunder!
Izuchi!
I get it, Ryner!
I see you're forced to obey that pretty, violent woman!
Please, Ryner. 
Come with me!
You can still get off easy!
I see. 
This is one of your poor victims that you cast away after sinking your poisoned fangs in and toying with them.
Toying with them?
!
I haven't been abandoned!
Then it's a casual relationship? 
How mature.
- No way!
- No way!
You're making fun of me!
If I must, I'll use my true talent to capture you!
What I seek is thunder...
Luke! 
Guys!
You mustn't investigate by yourself, Captain Milk.
I'm sorry.
At any rate, let us flee this place.
Well, Ryner?
Even the Alpha Stigma can't analyze its structure.
This is undoubtedly a hero's relic.
I see. 
Then, how do we beat it?
I can't make out its structure.
How am I supposed to know?
- Ryner's greatness, right here.
- You're pissing me off!
- Ferris!
- What?
Run like you mean it!
Of course.
- Brother!
- Eslina!
- Brother, Brother...
- It's all right now, Eslina.
They lost their parents in the last war, and they've been living by themselves ever since.
It was all because of the pointless war the last king and nobles started.
The king is dead.
But as long as the nobles hold power, this keeps happening.
Some Hero King. 
I know they continue to corrupt this land.
Yet I still lack the power to overcome it.
If it isn't His Majesty!
I hope you're enjoying yourself?
Quite, Count Klausberr.
Did you see the "flower" I placed in your chambers?
Yes.
It's a simple, wild flower, just plucked today.
If it suits your tastes, please do with it as you wish.
Thank you kindly.
While I may be a king, I am still young.
It is my sincere wish to be of service to all of you in the future.
But of course! 
To our young king, and to Roland's future.
To Roland's future.
Scum...
- What do we do?
- Huh?
Is there any way to recover that relic?
Well...
- Nope, no way in hell.
- Guess not. 
Okay, let's get back.
Yeah, we can dump the cleanup on that workaholic!
Hey, have you been wearing that this whole time?
Yeah, I picked it up in the ruins.
Don't talk so casually!
That could be another hero's re...
Are you kidding me?
My. 
Just what I'd expect from a hero's relic.
What do we do about this? 
Besides, that mountain?
My principle is not to look back on the past.
You make me jealous... 
Yes.
It survived?
!
Making a break for it by yourself?
Quit messing around!
I hate people dying. 
I hate killing, too.
I don't like to see people cry or to cry myself.
How must it feel not to be able to choose one's life?
What about when a family member dies?
Or when a loved one dies?
Nobody wants those things.
Yet, the world laughs and hungers for such suffering.
I've never had any burning desire to change anything.
But it would be sad without change.
I don't want to lose anything else...
It sucks, but I think it's about time I moved forward.
Were you looking at it again?
Lucile.
The Alpha Stigma.
A pleasant dream that a lone monster clings to as it weeps.
It's a fairy tale.
I'll do it, Ryner.
I'll become king of this land and change everything.
I'll make the world you once desired.
So...
Ryner. 
Join me.
Senseless.
"Senseless" Senseless.
"Senseless"
When I close my heart
To the scent of impending darkness
A refrain of a far-off day of resurrection
Seeking to overcome resounding pain
For that transparent future I saw with you
Off in the sweeping emptiness
If you stay by my side...
I'll stretch my hand out
Towards the soaring skies of our oath
I want to be the light that protects
Your fleeting dreams, your tears
Break free from your cruelty-stained destiny
I believe in it
The other truth of my destiny
To another world
Man, group living as a student really sucks.
There's an over-motivated person, a really nosy person...
I just want to get some sleep.
Man, this sucks.
"Tune in again." Man, this sucks.
"Tune in again."

Dad, Mom... 
I'm scared to sleep alone.
Dad, Mom? 
I woke up. 
Read me another book.
We have to kill him...
And I'll go along with him...
Not you.
B-But...
It's my fault.
It's because a commoner like me dared to love a man of your noble blood.
- It must be some punishment...
- Please, don't say such things.
As long as I have you two at my side, I don't need anything.
Come, hand it over.
We'll get killed anyway, won't we?
I know we will, if they find out he's an Alpha Stigma bearer.
And one day, he'll go out of control.
If it has to be that way, I would far sooner...
Sorry, I guess we woke you. 
Come here.
This child won't be killed.
You won't be killed, either.
I'll protect you both, whatever it takes.
It'll be all right.
Surely... surely... surely...
Dad? 
Mom?
Contract. 
Destroy.
Destroy.
- Destroy.
- Stop it!
Stop it! 
Anyone!
Destroy.
I'm scared! 
I'm scared... 
Dad, Mom!
Dad! 
Mom!
Dad... 
Mo...
- Ryner.
- Ryner.
Sion. 
Ferris!
No...
Why? 
I hate it... 
All of this...
The hell was that? 
Ugh.
That made it seem like I was wanted when I was born.
Having real parents who cared about me...
What manner of unfulfillable dreams has such a hideous monster seen?
You should know as much already.
You can't grasp anything with those blood-stained monster's hands of yours.
You can't reach anywhere.
"If the Alpha Stigma bearer, Ryner Lute, goes out of control outside the country, or behaves in a manner implying treason against Roland, eliminate him immediately."
I didn't have to be told to know it.
That I can't be at Sion or Ferris's side...
Or anyone's, for that matter.
I knew it from the start.
Tsuioku no tobira o miagete
Kiiteita tool sasayaki
Michibiite tamashii no labyrinth
Hitohira no hikari no michi e
Tsuranuku itami wa innocent trick
Shinjitai yo, kodoku ja nai koto
Koko wa samayoi no paradise
Shiroku kokoro someru tsubasa de
Moshi kimi no hitomi ni tadoritsuketara
Waratte dakishimete
Umaretekita imi o shiru
Mitsumeatte hajimaru yo, destiny legend
Reporting!
Field Marshal Klom has been defeated by the Alpha Stigma bearer!
Claugh has? 
Don't tell me he's...
He barely made it out alive, and he sustained very serious injuries, I'm told.
Field Marshal Klom...
We set out immediately.
Sir!
Your Majesty!
Was it you who sent the message, Major General Calne Kaiwel?
Yes. 
You're Corporal Lear Rinkal?
Yes, sir.
I'm Eslina Folkal, Mister Calne's private secretary.
I was also hoping for a chance to ask you about something.
Then please, by all means.
Sergeant Luke Stokkart of the Taboo Breaker Pursuit Squadron and Lieutenant Junior Grade Milk Callaud have not been seen since the day before yesterday.
It seems as though higher-ups are involved.
We can't find any traces of them.
Perhaps you might know something about it?
No, nothing concerning that. 
But...
Disappearing acts sure seem to be all the rage these days.
Huh?
Actually, the one you all were pursuing, Ryner Lute, has disappeared.
I was hoping you all might have had some information related to it.
He's been confirmed to be headed towards Estabul territory by himself.
I see. 
That should give us a good idea of his general location.
That's a big help. 
Eslina, go let Miss Ferris know immediately.
Right!
Still, Ryner Lute and two members of the Taboo Breaker Pursuit Squadron...
Why are there so many disappearances?
Sister!
I bought you a bunch of dango!
It's the Wynnit dango shop economy set! 
Isn't Iris great?
Yeah.
We've searched every place where the wild beast might go!
All we have to do now is let the underlings handle the rest, and it'll be fine!
Guess you're right.
I'll make some tea and wait for you, okay?
Why?
Why does my chest hurt?
What do you need, Brother?
How long have you been watching?
Always.
Ever since you were a child,
I've always been watching you.
- Brother.
- What is it?
What did you do to Ryner?
I merely warned him that I wouldn't want him to make any passes at my younger sister.
There's an expression I haven't seen before.
You've gained yet another new emotion, haven't you?
Watching my beloved sister gradually grow gladdens me, yet makes me feel lonely.
Wondering if one day, she'll go off to a place far beyond reach.
Brother...
A visitor.
Miss Ferris! 
We've learned where Ryner Lute is!
Where did that fool go?
Estabul territory.
Ryner, I'll make you regret breaking your promise to me so badly it'll kill you!
How could Field Marshal Claugh have fallen?
How are we supposed to fight a monster like that?
Aw, c'mon, don't cry, Noa.
It's not like I'm dead or anything.
Of course you're not! 
I would never forgive you if you died!
I'm truly glad you're alive.
It was him. 
The guy who wiped out my old squad defeated me yet again.
The Alpha Stigma bearer?
Yeah... that monster.
Next time we meet, mark my words, I'll kill him!
Field Marshal Klom!
Your Majesty...
Let us go.
How do you intend to handle that monster?
Even Field Marshal Klom couldn't...
The soldiers are restless, too.
It'll be all right. 
I have a plan.
I'll take up the vanguard.
As long as Roland has me, Sion Astal, no monsters shall have their way!
Everyone, after me!
Lord Astal!
As long as Lord Sion Astal is at our side!
Yeah!
What do I do now?
Are you on a trip?
Yeah, I guess.
This area has lots of hot springs and delicious foods, you know!
- Yeah?
- There are lots of new stores opening up, too!
It's all thanks to Lord Sion Astal!
And with how peaceful it's become, there are more and more travelers like you.
Truly, our gracious Lord Astal gives us much!
Hey, you haven't touched your meal!
You're young. 
You have to eat more!
I'll heat that soup back up for you. 
Hold on just a minute.
Thanks to Lord Astal, huh?
Ferris?
I've finally found you, Ryner.
You'd better be ready!
Hey, hold on, this isn't the place!
- Let's talk this out!
- Enough talk!
Wait, hold on, you're wrecking the place!
I had fourteen backpacks full of dango ready to go that day!
There's no way one person could carry that many!
If you knew that, why didn't you come?
!
This isn't funny, you know!
You're soft! 
Your reactions are sluggish!
Die, Ryner!
Oh, I get it. 
You must be another elite meant to kill me.
What do you mean by that?
What's the big idea, wrecking the whole place like this?
Do you have the money to pay for this?
I hardly came here to discuss such things.
I'm an elite meant to kill you?
What do you mean by that?
What do you mean, I'm an elite meant to kill you?
!
Sorry, I was mistaken. 
Forget about it.
You think that answer would satisfy me?
I know better than anyone that you wouldn't kill me.
What did Lucile tell you?
Nothing.
What did he tell you?
Geez, you're pushy. 
He didn't tell me anything.
Lucile told me he warned you not to make a pass at his younger sister.
He's quite the caring brother, huh?
Did you run away because my brother warned you?
No, it was nothing like that.
Attacking women and children night after night, faced with desperate pleas from hundreds of billions of parents,
"P-Please, enough! 
Not my daughter..."
You callously respond,
"Mwahahaha, who could stop me?
!
I am the terrifying, perverted overlord Ryner Lute!
All women and children should prostrate themselves before me!"
You push the limits of human decency.
Then suddenly, you turn tail and flee in disgrace, just because of one little warning from my brother?
Have you no pride as an overlord?
!
Who are you calling overlord?
!
Found you!
I've finally found you! 
So this is where we meet.
He's...
Everything Lafra said was right.
It's one of you two. 
I'll figure out which one.
You two have sharp eyes.
It's hard to believe you're human.
You're the one moving in a way that's inhuman.
Oh? 
Do I look human to you?
Huh?
What I seek is thunder. 
Izuchi!
How delicious this looks!
I think I'll dig right in.
Oh, this is fantastic!
An Alpha Stigma, is it?
Who?
I am Tiir Rumibul.
I am a bearer of the Divine Eyes, lino Doue.
I've come for you.
Come for me?
My friend learned of you in a dream.
Of your heart, wounded by humans, crying.
My body has been pierced by an arrow?
- How dare those lowly humans?
- Come!
Hold your fire!
Sion?
Get back, Ryner!
Ryner.
He came?
We're going in to confirm whether the monster is dead or not!
Don't. 
Stick to arrows when fighting him.
You won't escape.
Fire!
Damn you!
H-Help me!
They're not imbued with magic.
They're just regular arrows, aren't they?
Amazing. 
A correct move.
Without any food, I might have died.
He doesn't just absorb magic.
He devours people, absorbs them, and can heal his wounds?
How nice. 
Your brain tissue looks dreadfully delicious!
Ready!
I'll ask you once. 
Do you have any desire to surrender?
None.
Then you will end up dead.
I can eat you before the arrows reach me.
What clever talk. 
If you could, why wouldn't you do that immediately?
Because, if I killed you, my friend the Alpha Stigma bearer over there would surely go out of control.
Friend?
He's an Alpha Stigma bearer?
He's...
He's also...
He's another monster!
It's an Alpha Stigma bearer!
A monster... 
He's a monster!
Die, monster!
Silence! 
Silence!
Those are humans. 
They always act this way.
They can never live in harmony with us. 
You know that, don't you?
Don't be ridiculous!
Ryner isn't like you. 
Not like you, a...
Like me, a what?
Did you mean to say, not like me, a monster?
Ryner, is it?
All right, Ryner. 
Come along with me.
This place doesn't suit you.
Hey, Ryner. 
There's no need to listen to what he says.
Being scorned as a monster, despised as taboo.
Is it truly necessary to remain exposed to such things?
Do you have something to protect?
Come with me. 
I have many friends.
Fire magic at my eyes.
If you do, I could recover completely.
I could take you and escape this place!
Nonsense! 
Prepare to fire!
Ryner will fire.
None of you know the darkness of our hearts, we who are constantly betrayed.
Isn't that right, Ryner?
Neither of you...
Neither of you are to blame.
I liked you both.
I didn't follow you here to hear such words!
I won't cause any more trouble for you.
It must be rough, looking after a monster who could go out of control at any moment.
Ryner...
That must be why you ordered Luke Stokkart to kill me if the need arose.
An elite, meant to kill Ryner?
Ryner, you've got it wrong! 
That was...
You're a king, I know.
You have your responsibilities.
You aren't in the wrong, Sion.
Ryner...
So don't give me such a pained look. 
I'm the one to blame.
I make you suffer this badly just by being here.
You're wrong. 
You don't!
But it's over now, Sion.
There's no more need to suffer.
Hey, Ryner!
What I seek is... thunder.
Don't! 
All troops, fire arrows!
Kill him! 
Kill that monster!
Do it!
Izuchi.
Come, let us be off. 
Our friends are waiting.
Ryner...
Ryner!
The menace has fled. 
Victory is ours!
Three cheers for Lord Astal!
Three cheers for the Hero King!
King, huh?
Ferris. 
I...
Ryner was right. 
You're not to blame.
You merely protected that which you're sworn to protect.
- Lord Astal exterminated the monster for us!
- Truly a Hero King!
Having second thoughts?
No, not really.
I never liked this country much, anyway.
Wasureteta ano hi no omokage ga
Sora no mukou, kasuka ni
Kokoro nara tsunagatteita hazu
Furueta hitomi wa kotaezu ni
Donna ni shinjitemo
Donna ni tsutaetakutemo
Kono koe wa todokanai
Hikari no filament
Subete o kono karada ni kizami
Arukidasu koko kara
Kioku no segment
Ima karamaru unmei no ito hodoki
Tsuyoku naritai
Mata deaetara
Motto mamoreru you ni, kimi o
Lady Ferris, are you going to go on another journey in search of the ultimate dango?
No.
This time I'm on a journey to find a fool and teach him a lesson.
Look, I hate kids to start with.
They're loud and annoying to deal with.
And communal living? 
That really sucks.
What's with all of you, anyway?
I haven't decided to be friends with you guys!
"Transformation!"

As Your Majesty has ordered,
I have recovered him.
Looking up at the door of reminiscence
The faraway whispering I was listening to
Guide me, labyrinth of the soul
To the path of the flakes of light
The pain that pierces me is an innocent trick
I want to believe that I'm not alone
This place is a paradise of wandering
With wings that dye the heart white
If I can reach your eyes
Embrace me with a smile
Know the meaning behind being born
Gazing at one another, the destiny legend begins
Say, Ferris.
This is the fourth day I've been working in here nonstop.
Any longer, and I think I'll die from some disaster in this mountain of documents.
What would you think of something like that?
Ryner!
Don't fall asleep, Ryner!
No, I'm tired now. 
Sorry, Ferris.
No! 
Don't do it, Ryner!
Didn't we take a vow together, to get married after we made it off the mountain?
Oh, is that how this story develops? 
Okay, I'll go with...
I-I wanted... to be happy... together with you...
R-Ryner!
- Open your eyes!
- Ow! 
Ow!
Ryner, Ferris. 
Listen to me.
There's a bit of trouble with...
Sion! 
This isn't the time!
Just now, Ryner stopped breathing!
The causes were unexplained strong blows to the face, and overwork.
Can we move past that, Ryner?
There's a job that needs handling right away...
I died just now. 
I can't hear a thing anymore!
Please find someone else!
Nope.
He turned that down quick.
Please, Ryner.
If these aren't handled within a week, there will be serious trouble.
If this keeps up, there could be a birthday celebration.
A birthday? 
Whose?
- Mine.
- Yours?
"Quiz Contest Concerning Torture and Punishment in the Roland Empire."
If we can spread understanding of how harshly this nation punishes those who commit crimes, it could lead to a reduction of crime rates.
I like it.
But would this proposition be entertaining as an event at the king of Roland's birthday celebration?
Still, this year I must ensure a successful celebration of our great king's day of birth!
Eight hundred and forty three, eight hundred and forty four... aw, crap!
My arm's starting to go out of control! 
I won't give in!
Yeesh. 
You're still recovering, and look at what a musclehead you're being!
Who are you calling a musclehead?
!
If you keep pushing your limits, I'm telling Miss Noa!
Hey, that's not fair!
Wow, instant results! 
You really are crazy about Miss Noa.
Then maybe I should tell Eslina everything?
About your thing with Lord Pearl's wife, or the thing with the widower Fazia?
Hey, hold on! 
It was just pleasantries!
Nothing really happened!
- Pleasantries, huh?
- That's right!
Your heads are both filled with spring colors, as always. 
It makes me envious.
Here comes the gloomy one.
Are you making fun of us?
Not at all. 
It's a compliment.
On that note, I wish to consult with you.
You two have succeeded in minimizing the content in your heads.
I have just the job in mind for you both.
I'm gonna kill him, Calne.
All right, sir!
Goodness gracious.
I'm begging you, Ryner!
Beg all you want, you made me work all day yesterday and even more before that!
Damn it!
Fine then, you rest! 
Rest and get some sleep!
You haven't slept this whole time either, have you?
!
Hold on, Ryner!
Go to sleep forever, right now!
Damn it. 
I'm not sticking around for more of that!
I'm going back to the inn and getting some sleep.
Ryner, what are you doing in a place like this?
That Sion just thinks way too seriously!
He should just sit back and let others celebrate his birthday.
Y-Yeah, he should.
I know, right? 
Everyone says they want to celebrate it...
Birthday? 
Birthday!
Oh, yeah... 
Sorry. 
I totally ditched your birthday party.
You remembered!
Well, er... 
I'm really sorry.
It's okay! 
A lot happened after that, and I wasn't in much of a position to have a party.
Just knowing that you remembered makes me happy, okay?
Is it that late already?
Sorry, Ryner. 
I'd better get back.
- Sure.
- See you, Ryner!
Get lots of rest!
If you let that pretty-on-the-outside woman trick you into doing anything funny,
I'll never forgive you, okay?
Hey! 
Don't say weird stuff like that!
Truly, such a wonderful girl!
Even after having her birthday party canceled at the last minute,
Captain Milk behaves so gallantly!
Compared to that, some certain taboo breaker would be...
Trash, yes!
You're responsible for that to begin with!
Yes, of course!
That's why we are in the process of considering a means of atonement!
Atonement?
Yes, atonement.
Right, atonement!
I see. 
Sion's birthday, huh?
Come to think of it, last year, he had a really dull celebration.
That's because Sion utterly despises luxury.
We must not allow such a dull ceremony to come to pass again this year.
For the sake of Roland's future, I would like to ask you two for help.
All right! 
You can count on us, Gloomy!
Then, we'd better give it a little thought.
All right, it's meeting time!
We should hear the women's opinions, too.
Hey, yeah, good idea!
- That's something Gloomy would never think of.
- Let there be...
Ah, better not...
Better get Noa in on this!
Can I bring Eslina, too?
I don't think it's a bad idea, though...
The Torture and Assassination Festival.
We can build a stage in the plaza in front of the royal palace...
How about some stalls?
We've got to give it more flair, more flash. 
Make it like a festival.
How did they do that in Estabul?
Let's see. 
When they held festivals, they'd have a lot of fireworks.
Fireworks, huh?
Those are the big things that get fired up into the sky, right?
Eslina?
I've never seen the really big ones!
I'd love to see them just once.
What do you think, sir?
Why not? 
They'd add a lot of flair, and everyone could enjoy them.
That's true! 
Okay, let's make fireworks the main event.
Really?
!
One moment.
It takes quite a bit of time to prepare major fireworks.
- The bigger ones can take half a year.
- Half a year?
!
Since this is Lord Astal's birthday celebration, we can't have shabby ones.
Starting to prepare now would be...
I guess that wouldn't work, then.
No, we're going to do fireworks.
Eh? 
But...
We know just the guy for it, right?
Ryner. 
Don't you consider that attitude to be rude to the dango?
I'm at my limit, you know.
I've got all kinds of trouble.
Ah, so a woman you tricked long ago demands punitive damages from you, and to pay her off, you try to trick another woman so you can steal her money, then your last moments are spent getting stabbed and dying in a ditch.
Do I have it about right?
Sure, whatever, we'll call it right.
But right now, it's dango time.
Forget all those troublesome things and focus on the dango.
Right.
Well?
Mm, delicious.
I've been made to eat dango from all over the place, thanks to you, but there's no comparison to Wynnit.
Is that right?
Is this a new recipe?
It tastes different from usual, but it's pretty darn good.
- What is it?
- Nothing...
Oh, it looks like it's scored high marks with your partner! 
Good for you, little Ferris!
Shopkeep!
That dango is a new recipe little Ferris came up with and made!
You made this?
Yeah.
Little Ferris dreams of running a dango shop of her own one day!
A dango shop?
!
You, huh?
Well, I guess you're always serious when it comes to dango.
Of course I am!
Those who don't contend with dango seriously are punished by the Dango God!
What's this Dango God stuff?
The Dango God is the god of dango.
He is the one absolute god who reigns over the world!
Hey! 
There he is, the man who's perpetually napping!
Huh?
!
Excuse us, there's a job we'd really like for you to do...
C'mon, let's go.
Hey! 
What are you doing?
! 
Wait, let me go!
Get up and walk!
I can't walk the way you're holding me!
So your misdeeds are revealed, and the time has come for you to be thrown into the ditch.
Hey, wait!
Let me go!
Stay in sound health, Ryner.
Can't you go any faster?
I can't! 
Any faster would be...
Damn. 
All the preparations were supposed to be in place!
Give it up.
There's no escape for you.
Finally! 
Finally, this day has come!
Ever since that red-haired musclehead dragged me into his idiotic plan,
I've been stuck working day and night!
So what's the big idea running off, you ass?
! 
You jerk!
Hurry it up!
Come on, men. 
Take him and go!
Hold on...
Come on, you dogs, carry him!
- I've got work to do! 
Area inspections...
- Bring him to the castle, put your back in it!
- Yeah!
- I'm counting on you!
- One-two! 
One-two! 
One-two!
- Move it!
Three cheers for Lord Sion!
- Brother Sion!
- Your Majesty!
Your Majesty, everyone's waiting eagerly.
It's a bit sudden, but I would ask you to ignite the fireworks.
Fireworks?
We prepared them just for you.
But something this large-scale wasn't accounted for in the budget...
Come on!
Look!
Everyone in this nation is celebrating for you.
Please, answer their calls.
Thank you, everyone.
Please have a look at the mountains up ahead.
Fire an Izuchi in the direction of that small light.
Roger that.
What I seek is thunder.
Izuchi!
- Amazing!
- Cool!
Here goes!
Happy birthday!
Thank you!
How's this? 
Looks delicious, doesn't it?
"Happy Birthday."
Thank you! 
Huh?
Captain Milk.
Your attention, please!
Okay, here goes.
- Five!
- Four!
- Three!
- Two!
One!
Hm? 
Was that Sir Sion?
Sorry, I won't drink anymore.
You're going?
Your Majesty? 
Is something the matter?
I'd like to take the carriage out.
Could you get it ready?
I'll call a coachman immediately.
No, I'll go alone.
That would be...
I have someone to pick up.
Him.
I want to come for him.
Who would've expected it to start raining?
Ugh, cold! 
Better get back quick... 
Huh?
You're a lifesaver, Sion.
Thanks, Ryner.
Huh? 
For what?
The fireworks. 
You're the one who fired them off.
Yeah, sure.
The rain's letting up.
There's a place I'd like to stop off at, if you don't mind?
I don't mind.
All right, then.
This is where you wanted to stop?
This place sure brings back some memories.
Yes, it's the place where I first raised a toast with you.
- Ryner...
- Huh?
Thank you for today. 
I mean it.
Huh? 
Well, gotta be nice sometimes, I guess.
But after this, I'm gonna get one hell of a nap.
Not yet. 
Actually, there's still work left that needs to be done quickly.
Aw, cut it out. 
Any more of this, and I'd be dead for real.
I guess working nonstop for over a tenday is pretty rough.
You know, it'd have been nice if you'd realized that by the second day, or even the third day.
I suppose so. 
Shall we get back and get some sleep, then?
Yeah! 
I'll head back to the inn.
I'll send a carriage for you when you wake up, so we can pick up where we left off.
No way.
I'll come for you in three hours.
Huh?
! 
What the hell?
! 
That barely gives me any time to sleep!
Okay, how many hours should it wait?
How about three hundred hours?
Okay. 
Then we'll meet in the middle and say four hours.
How is that the middle?
!
Besides, you should get some sleep!
You probably haven't gotten any real sleep in ages! 
Right?
It can't be helped.
To completely change this country, we still need widespread education, improved medical care, tax reform, technological advancement, and, let's see...
Seriously, how much of a workaholic are you?
Oh, yeah, Sion.
Sion... 
I'm sorry.
Back then, I thought the things you said were just empty dreams.
"I'll become king of this land.
I'll change everything.
I'll make the world you once desired."
It wasn't an empty dream.
This country has changed. 
You've changed it.
To a world where everyone can live without crying.
A world where everyone can live with a smile.
It's an empty dream.
How many friends have died for it?
How many people do you think have died for the sake of my ideal?
How much was sacrificed for the world as it is now?
Even so, without you, this country would have remained dark forever.
It's... enough.
You're working plenty hard. 
I know that.
So don't work yourself to the bone trying to punish yourself.
This country has changed.
Even if you take it easy a little now, it won't go back to the way it was.
There's no more need to be constantly afraid that what you're doing is wrong, that you could be doing it better.
Don't you have plenty of people now?
Like that red-haired idiot, or the taboo breaker squadron guys.
Or Ferris... or me.
You don't have to bear everything by yourself anymore.
This country is definitely changing, in a good way.
Is it?
It is.
If that was really true it would be so nice.
But it's all an empty dream.
Vestiges of that day I had forgotten
Faint in the direction of the sky
Faint in the direction of the sky What I seek is thunder!
What I seek is thunder!
Our hearts should have been connected
Our hearts should have been connected Izuchi!
Our hearts should have been connected
The trembling eyes don't answer
No matter how much I believe
No matter how much I want to convey
This voice won't reach
Filaments of light
Carve everything into my body
From here where I set out walking
Memory segments
Untie the strings of fate that now bind me
I want to grow strong
So that when we meet again
I can give you more protection
For crying out loud!
Why do things have to suck this much?
!
But, Sion, I said I wouldn't give up!
So I'll give it all that I have!
But this really, really, seriously sucks!

Imperial Nelpha.
A large, historic land located to the west of the Roland Empire.
They used to fight frequently with Roland, but the current Nelphan emperor, Gread, has worked towards domestic enrichment and has built a solid reputation as a good king.
Within the land are many ruins from past ages.
Among them are many which are believed to hold connections to hero relics.
There are too many. 
I can't do this!
So tired... 
Sleepy... 
Hungry...
I can't spot any dango shops.
["dango" = rice dumpling]
Hey, you. 
Go buy me some dango.
Why should I?
Because the stock I brought is starting to crack.
That's not an answer!
Besides, I've had it.
No investigating ruins or dango for me.
Let's get some rest in one of these inns.
An inn?
! 
Aha. 
So that's your modus operandi.
- Eh?
- I've read all about it.
A man invites a woman to an inn. 
It goes like...
"I won't do a thing, okay? 
I'm just a little tired, so I'm getting some sleep."
"Really? 
You really won't do anything?"
Then, when they reach the inn, the man becomes a wild beast, and goes...
"Mwahaha! 
Time to eat!"
He runs rampant and wild!
I think your imagination is what's running wild.
Indeed. 
A master degenerate like you who attacks women both young and old would never take such a roundabout approach.
Who are you calling a master degenerate?
!
Now then, playtime is over. 
We're visiting the Nelpha Royal Library, aren't we?
That was... play? 
Just now?
Yup.
I just got played.
Staying asleep
Losing sight of you
It makes me want to break everything right now
If I can't hear the words I yearn for again
I'd carelessly offer my life
Desires that cuddle
With a fading light
It's lonely
Will the morning sun come before me?
Answer me
Is there a love that binds us?
Stand and face the despair we invited
The wills of the people
Born and destroyed
Choose the future and open the lock
This is a pretty impressive place.
It should be full of good material about hero relics.
Quite. 
Get your searching done quickly, then.
Now, hold on! 
Can't you offer some words a little more encouraging than that?
I mean, even if visual appeal is all you've got...
Er, uh... 
Gosh, I suddenly feel incredibly motivated!
I swear I'll kill her one day.
Wait!
Hey, you barbarians!
- Barbarians?
- Darn right!
There will be no permitting of barbaric, dangerous people entering this sacred font of knowledge!
Well, I suppose she doesn't exactly dress like the library type.
Well, I suppose if a sex fiend was armed, they would be extremely dangerous.
I think your outfit is posing more of a problem here.
A beautiful person may wear whatever they like without posing problems.
Just kidding.
You pass! 
You pass!
For beautiful people, there are no problems. 
Come, come inside!
Hey! 
Why is it only okay for her?
You little brat!
What are you doing?
That little brat was the one who ran into me!
Now my suit's all dirty!
I want some compensation!
- Let go!
- Let go of Brother Toale!
- Ibel, Telura, run!
- Get out of the way!
- Thank...
- Phew, that was close.
Ah, there it is! 
That thing you're holding.
That's the book I wanted to look up.
That was a close call!
What's your problem?
!
Say. 
That book, could you...
That was close, little girl.
That man is a habitual criminal, an abductor of young girls.
You little...
Who are you people?
L-Lord Toale!
Wow, this is great.
- Toale, get me all the books on that shelf.
- Understood.
Now then, let's get this done...
That hurt, Ferris!
Hey! 
What nerve, ordering him around so casually! 
Don't get uppity!
Lord Toale is the grandson of Lord Gread Nelphi, Emperor of Imperial Nelpha himself!
Oh, Toale. 
Get that black one up there, too.
- This one?
- Yeah, that's the one. 
That should be everything.
Are you even listening to me?
!
Please just leave it at that, Uncle Gainel.
B-But, if you let random nobodies order you around like this, it will bring shame to the name of Imperial Nelpha!
Not showing gratitude to a rescuer would shame the Nelpha name far more.
Besides, I was born after my father's dalliances here and there.
I'm an abandoned child.
I'm not someone who needs to be elevated.
Because my mother was of lowborn descent, my siblings and I are confined to a single estate.
That's the kind of people we are.
B-But, sir, everyone in the land considers Nelpha's future and finds you far more suited than Sir Starnel to...
Speak no further, Gainel.
First off, I am no such vessel.
Ryner, are there any other books you need?
- Sure. 
Just get that shelf there.
- Yes, sir.
Hey, this book up here!
All right, come on.
Up you go.
I see what you mean.
He does seem a little like Sion.
Such a shame...
Lord Toale and his siblings are all abandoned, without even proper parents...
I doubt that.
- Okay, what we're looking for starts here...
- At the very least, to those kids...
What do you know?
!
What do you know?
That should do it for the Saeles River flood control works plan.
The problem is Lord Beryl's territorial development...
Sir Astal!
- What's wrong, Fiole?
- Don't "What's wrong" me!
How many hours will you continue working?
You still haven't touched your meal at all!
Sorry, sorry. 
By the way, how is the issue with Lord Kriade's tax payments coming?
I've already drawn up a report on it.
However, I will certainly not show it to you until you eat this meal!
You're quite good, Fiole.
I knew I was right to call you here.
That's because it's the best way I have to repay you.
If I hadn't met Your Majesty then, my sister and I would both be...
I sometimes wonder if someone of my low standing deserves such happiness...
That's where you're wrong.
It has nothing to do with standing.
People should all be equally happy no matter who they are.
Of course, such a world can never normally come to pass.
But what's most important is to never give up.
To never give up?
Just because your standing is low...
Don't give up so easily.
No matter who looks down upon you, you're never alone.
You're certain to have many allies.
I am truly glad that you became king of this land.
Wh-What's this, all of a sudden?
Come now, please.
Eat your meal, and have a nap.
After all, there's a ball tonight!
All right. 
But Fiole, take this weekend off.
But, I'm...
For your sister. 
Go see her.
Thank you very much.
Hey, now.
- What's with the brooding face?
- Claugh.
Mingling with the nobility is one of the king's biggest jobs, isn't it?
You just want to go, yourself.
Claugh is certainly a handful, with his love of women.
Calne. 
Why don't you go pay this so-called Mrs. Pearl a visit?
- What?
!
- Okay, I get it. 
Go wherever you like.
Sir!
Those two, I swear...
They could stand to learn from Fiole, just a bit.
Your Highness! 
Don't stay in such a little cranny.
Come out towards the center!
Ah, Lord Beryl and Lord Pearl.
I hope you're enjoying yourselves?
I am as dazzled as always by the splendor of the parties Your Majesty holds.
This must be yet another of our young king's natural talents.
Not at all. 
My seat on the throne is thanks to all of your strength.
Count Klausberr and Duke Stearied.
Those at the heart of the anti-king faction send their henchmen at me and refuse to come out themselves.
Sion.
Claugh. 
What is it?
A report just came from a guardsman.
Fiole's been... murdered.
Fiole?
Oh, yes. 
Wasn't he the commoner Your Majesty recently appointed as secretary?
A murder, of all things!
Well, on the bright side, at least the one killed was a commoner.
Quite right. 
After all, if a noble were to be killed, it would be a major problem!
Sion...
I suppose so. 
It truly is a relief that the one killed was a commoner.
Wretches.
It's my fault. 
It's my fault!
Again, because my power isn't enough!
Stop it, Sion.
I'm sorry. 
I won't do it again.
Eslina...
Sorry for taking so long to respond.
But your brother is relieved to see you doing so well.
When I receive letters from you, I always feel inspired to do better.
Besides, I'm blessed with the boss I have.
Sir Astal, the King, is incredible.
He deals with commoners like me on equal terms.
He truly puts this kingdom first in his mind.
Claugh. 
Take care of the funeral and burial arrangements.
Calne, see to Eslina's safety...
before the nobles reach her.
Sir.
What a fool you are.
Don't praise me so highly.
Not when I have such little power...
Not when I can't protect anything...
Fiole...
Sorrow.
Hatred. 
Anger. 
Regret. 
Revenge. 
Giving up.
If you desire retribution, I'll assist you.
Shall we slaughter them all?
I'm quite good at that, you know.
No, not yet.
Now is not the time.
Can you endure until then?
I'll endure.
Besides, if I chose retribution now...
Wouldn't you have killed me?
After all, there's no need for an incompetent king, a king who doesn't grasp the times, or a king with a weak heart.
I swear... 
The two of you, on your carefree journey...
It makes me a little jealous.
Brother took my candy!
- Give it back!
- No way!
Come on, now, no fighting!
- Hey, no running!
- Sorry about this, Toale.
Crashing at your place like this, I mean.
Oh, it's fine. 
You can see how we are here.
One or two more people is no big deal.
Hm? 
What's this pie?
The lady at the general store brought it.
She said to do your best and not to lose against that fool of a crown prince.
You get it rough too, huh?
Everyone seems to have their own views, but we're doing fine just the way we are.
Between Sion and Toale, it's tough all over for royalty...
You wild beast! 
Prepare yourself!
- Wait!
- I'll protect my sister!
What are you doing?
- Sister!
- Iris?
Sister, Iris came to save you!
You went missing all of a sudden, it had me so worried!
I see. 
I apologize for that.
Sister? 
So this is Ferris's little sister?
- Isn't she pretty like me?
- Ooh, ooh, and Brother Sion...
He said that you had been taken by a wicked wild beast, and that you were on a journey to find the greatest dango of all!
So Iris, um, became Brother Sion's special person in charge of carrying information!
So basically, this girl is our point of contact with Sion?
Iris is great, right? 
Right?
Quite. 
But you're missing something.
I know!
Here. 
A Wynnit dango combination set!
- 100 points.
- Hooray!
Iris scored 100 points! 
Isn't that great? 
Isn't it?
Ah, sure. 
That's great, huh?
Oh, no! 
I forgot that talking to a wild beast would get me pregnant!
That's right. 
I'm sorry, Iris.
I... 
I held a conversation with that wild beast...
No!
You'll pay for this!
This is for my sister!
A visit to Imperial Nelpha?
Yes, sir. 
With the sudden changes in Roland with its new king, there is heightened tension in neighboring kingdoms.
As such, in order to share the disposition of the new king of Roland and to show that Roland desires peace, it may be wise to first pay a visit to historic Imperial Nelpha.
There is a growing number of internal matters which must be swiftly dealt with.
I cannot give you a decision immediately.
Yes, sir. 
I will be satisfied if you can simply keep it in mind and give it further consideration.
It's a trap.
If you went out on carefree trips, you'd be killed without a doubt.
Perhaps there are some in Nelpha connected with the nobles of the anti-king faction?
It's highly possible.
After all, even those in the anti-king faction can't lay a hand on you inside Roland.
Instead, they got Fiole...
I beg your pardon.
There was no one here, so I made myself at home waiting.
Who are you?
I am Miran Froaude.
As the son of Marquis Karlal Froaude,
I currently hold the position of lieutenant colonel in the Roland Imperial Army.
What does a noble's son want with the king?
I heard that His Majesty is secretly gathering talent in order to counter the nobility.
- You...
- Wait.
I know about you, Miran Froaude.
You became a second lieutenant at the young age of 17.
Your outstanding talent had you promoted to lieutenant colonel in the blink of an eye.
You are Marquis Froaude's son, but...
You were originally an orphan purchased by House Froaude.
Furthermore, did the late Fiole Folkal not report that I would resort to the foulest of measures to achieve a mission and that I would do anything for a promotion?
And what does one such as yourself want with me?
Well...
Claugh. 
Step out for a moment.
- Sion!
- I wish to speak with him.
You just have to hear things out, huh?
- Thanks.
- Watch yourself.
Well? 
What do you want with me?
You're the one who wants something, aren't you, Lord Sion Astal?
- What?
- It is because you need me that I came here.
Lights are gathering around you.
Radiant, shining lights of hope.
They offer strong power with which to change this country.
However, that alone is not enough to get that which you truly desire, is it?
Will you continue bearing the darkness by yourself?
You cannot. 
You are king of this land.
You have to be everyone's light of hope. 
In which case...
Allow me to take your place, and bear the darkness.
So that you may gain that which you truly seek.
You would claim to know what I seek?
Of course, I am aware.
Oh? 
Then say it.
Right now, the Roland Empire remains little more than a single kingdom on the Menoris continent.
However, you can raise the flag you bear over the entire continent...
The flag of the Great Roland Empire.
That's quite an outrageous dream!
I hate to disappoint you, but all I desire is a kingdom with no war, where the people can live happily.
But of course.
Regardless of what may dwell in one's heart, a king must proclaim just such things.
I shall bear the darkness that remains.
For that purpose, I would even be willing to dispose of my own father personally.
Please, place me at your side.
You're the one who wants your father dead, aren't you?
That's quite the jest.
Very well. 
You shall work for me.
You have my deepest gratitude.
When I close my heart
To the scent of impending darkness
A refrain of a far-off day of resurrection
Seeking to overcome resounding pain
For that transparent future I saw with you
Off in the sweeping emptiness
If you stay by my side...
I'll stretch my hand out
Towards the soaring skies of our oath
I want to be the light that protects
Your fleeting dreams, your tears
Break free from your cruelty-stained destiny
I believe in it
The other truth of my destiny
To another world
Guarding really sucks.
Well, with a king that atrocious,
I guess he'd be targeted by tons of enemies.
So do something about it yourself, geez!
Don't rely on me! 
This sucks.
"The legend continues... right?"

So, what's the situation?
Not very pleasant.
Bearers of Magic Eyes all across the continent are gathering, and it appears that they're forming an anti-Gastark movement.
The one behind it is most likely...
Come on out.
Y-You!
I-I'm sorry for coming in without permission.
There were so many pretty jewels...
They caught my eye.
The things here wouldn't look good on you.
If you'd like some jewelry, I'll buy you whatever you like.
I have no reason to accept anything from you!
Looking up at the door of reminiscence
The faraway whispering I was listening to
Guide me, labyrinth of the soul
To the path of the flakes of light
The pain that pierces me is an innocent trick
I want to believe that I'm not alone
This place is a paradise of wandering
With wings that dye the heart white
If I can reach your eyes
Embrace me with a smile
Know the meaning behind being born
Gazing at one another, the destiny legend begins
Having second thoughts?
No, I never liked this country much anyway.
I meant to ask if you were looking back to the time when you were human.
"Were human"?
Ryner, we're not humans, inferior creatures.
We are superior beings that bear the Eyes of God.
You like humans, don't you?
But you must understand by now that we can't coexist with them.
No matter how much you seek it, they won't give you that.
The closer you grow, the more it hurts.
You don't have to agonize over it any longer. 
You're not alone.
Let's go. 
Our friends are waiting.
Thanks for waiting!
This is...
The outer texture is dry, and your teeth don't sink into it properly.
It's neither sweet, nor salty.
The stench of old flour overwhelms the senses!
Damn you, Ryner!
If only he were here...
I'd force this dango down his throat as punishment!
It's dull being alone.
Come, let us be off. 
Our friends are waiting.
Ryner...
Ryner!
Aren't...
Aren't I... your friend?
Miss! 
Your luggage!
Just what is this all about?
Your Majesty, you were keeping an Alpha Stigma?
!
Their existence is a danger capable of destroying entire countries!
The Alpha Stigma is an existence which holds incredible magical power.
In the era of the prior king, he underwent special training, and was even referred to as Roland's most powerful magician.
Roland's most powerful magician, you say?
!
You mean to say the Alpha Stigma, when put to proper use, can be of great military aid?
Of course, since he was an Alpha Stigma bearer, and was in constant danger of going out of control,
I had the Taboo Breaker Pursuit Squadron monitor his movements.
With orders to kill him on the spot, should he go out of control.
It was all for the sake of this country.
I see. 
When you put it that way...
Keeping a monster in our ranks...
Our king is truly impressive!
No monster would pose a problem for him.
Indeed.
Ryner was right. 
You're not to blame.
You're wrong.
Neither of you are to blame.
You're wrong.
I won't cause any more trouble for you.
It must be rough, looking after a monster who could go out of control at any moment.
You're wrong, Ryner!
I... 
I now know the reason why I can't reach you.
So, Ryner, join me.
What a farce.
I held out my hand to you myself, and I ruined it all myself.
You've grown into a sweet child.
That alone makes me proud.
You're wrong, Mother.
I'm not sweet. 
I'm nothing to be proud of.
That's why I'm all alone.
So, continuing with the proposal...
- I utterly refuse to accept it!
- Calm down, Lize.
We haven't even covered the specifics yet!
That won't be necessary!
What's the meaning of this?
!
I utterly refuse to accept His Majesty joining this woman in marriage!
What? 
Marriage?
Nice!
It looks as good on you as I'd hoped, Kiefer.
What's the big idea?
Where did you put my clothes?
Well, you heard me, everyone.
I'll be marrying her.
And that's that.
Huh?
!
So he's finally decided to settle down...
- Gastark should be more stable as well...
- But is such a sudden decision safe?
I don't know what country she fought for, but I cannot allow a woman of such unknown lineage to be placed at your side!
I don't remember accepting any marriage with you, either!
Then give me the okay now.
Quit joking!
- Your Majesty! 
Would you just?
- Help, Riphal!
Brother Sui... 
Brother Sui is...
What happened?
!
How awful.
I'm all right.
You should make Kuu get some rest.
She's used the scythe's power this whole time to carry me all the way here...
- Prepare for an operation. 
Hurry!
- Sir!
- Who on earth would have?
Forget about that for now.
Don't speak, Sui. 
I'll be sure to save you, okay?
N-No, I'll speak.
This might be the last time I can...
Brother Sui!
Don't be ridiculous!
There's no way I'm letting you die!
Lize, please...
Your Majesty, your decision?
Take Kuu.
You've struggled hard.
Get plenty of rest now.
Thank you.
This is how strong this country is.
Its servants gladly cast away their lives for their king.
And the king sacrifices his own body to progress forward.
What happened in the south, to cause such wounds?
A man using a Rule Fragment...
The same type as Brother Lir's Lightning Beast Ring...
What country was he from?
I don't know.
And, in Roland...
They have a monster named Ryner Lute lending them power.
He looks like any ordinary Alpha Stigma bearer.
But I've never seen such a monster...
Riphal, figure out what he is...
Your Majesty.
It would appear that this woman is familiar with the name Ryner Lute.
You're not eating?
Do you not like them?
Yeah, I hate dango.
Is it that hard accepting that you're not human?
Your misfortunes begin at birth.
You're born as a human child, and as you're raised, you get brainwashed.
You love people, devote yourselves to them, yet you always end up betrayed.
Isn't it the same for you?
No. 
The timing of the eye opening is different for my lino Doue.
The lino Doue eye opening occurs before one is born, while in a human woman's stomach.
A voice became clear to me.
A voice that only I could hear.
Everything. 
Yours to toy with.
Release it. 
Open up. 
Kill. 
Everything.
That voice commanded me.
It told me to have my first feeding, to devour that inferior human.
So, I'm...
Do you think of me as a monster, too?
- No.
- Right now, the sensibilities you developed growing up might still be hindering you.
But we are superior beings.
Separate existences, with power far beyond that of humans.
It's a report about Ryner Lute.
Frankly, I still find the whole thing unbelievable.
Sir Sion, keeping an Alpha Stigma bearer on a leash?
Alpha Stigma, huh?
Don't most of those guys go out of control as kids and wind up dead?
Yes. 
But Ryner Lute seems to be an unusual type, one who returns back to normal after going out of control.
Ryner Lute.
His real name, actual age, birthplace, and everything else are all unclear.
At an age presumed to be five, he was taken into a bandit village.
There it was discovered that he had an Alpha Stigma, and he was taken into military custody.
At Germer Kleisrole Training Institute, he underwent combat training, and after that, he was sent to Roland Special Training Institute #307.
He underwent the deadliest of training, and was then placed in a Roland military secret organization.
They dubbed him Roland's strongest magician.
But he doesn't seem to have handled missions well.
Mission abandonment and obstruction, leaking of secret information, insubordination to military higher-ups...
So they partly had surveillance in mind when they dumped him in the Royal Special Academy.
Yes. 
That's where he met Sir Sion.
It's amazing that he never betrayed Roland before this.
In the old days, I saw a lot of people like him.
After going through one horrible experience after another, they try to resign themselves to it all by going completely emotionally dead.
After all, nothing will be changed.
Nothing can be changed.
It all sucks. 
None of it matters.
Guess I wouldn't know how a monster feels, though.
That's the place?
It's temporary lodgings.
We plan to move out in another few days.
Brother Tiir!
A kid?
You took too long, Tiir!
We've been waiting so long for you!
Tiir!
Sorry, sorry.
Have you been good children while I've been out?
- Yeah, I've been extra good!
- Where did you go?
Here you go.
T-Thanks.
What a surprise. 
Are they all?
Yes. 
They all bear the Eyes of God.
They're chased by humans, given nowhere to go.
And they're hunted down.
Lightning Beasts!
Stop!
Whoops! 
Even an lino Doue can't consume my Lightning Beasts.
Geez, Brother Lir. 
If you kill him, we won't be able to steal the crystal!
This will be our seventy-sixth!
Monster extermination safely complete, huh?
Thirty-eight people were killed then.
Who are the real monsters here?
They said they were from Gastark.
Gastark...
I will make Gastark pay.
Those lowly humans dared to meddle with us.
I'll make them regret it one day.
Tiir, I'm hungry!
Hungry!
Oh, sorry. 
Is it that time already?
I want to protect these children.
I want to create a world where these children can live with a smile.
So I'm truly happy to gain an ally like you.
Say, Brother, are you another friend for us?
- Well, uh...
- What's your special technique?
Special technique, huh?
Afternoon naps, maybe?
This one's useless!
Afternoon naps are nice, aren't they?
Welcome home, Lafra!
I'm home. 
I like afternoon naps, too.
Welcome back, Lafra. 
It was just as you told me.
Ryner was in an Estabul inn.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Ryner Lute.
My eyes are called Ebra Crypt.
They replace the dreams in my head with those of other people.
Basically, it's a power that resonates with people's dreams, and allows me to see inside them.
So you saw my dreams?
What manner of unfulfillable dreams has such a hideous monster seen?
Sorry. 
All I can see are bits and pieces.
So...
Nah, don't worry about it.
That's how you found me?
Yes. 
Actually, I've been watching you for a rather long time now.
But I never told Tiir or our friends that.
Why?
Because you were special.
You were completely different from other bearers of the Eyes of God.
I was fascinated by you.
You're really kind.
I kept watching your dreams.
Negative emotions so strong that they made me, an onlooker, want to cry and sob...
Anger, sorrow, hatred, despair...
Treated like dirt, feared, growing more and more, ever more lonely.
Being afraid of hurting others.
Being afraid of getting hurt.
Wishing you were dead, wishing you could go mad, being tormented by such feelings.
And yet, what ultimately dominated your mind was the cry that you loved people.
You always ultimately desire to protect those dear to you.
You're sick of being alone.
You love people. 
You love everyone.
You may be a monster, but still, you want more, more and more, to mingle with people.
You're so kind, so weak, so lonely, it makes me sad.
Don't say that stuff with a face like you're gonna cry.
Calling me lonely and stuff?
Isn't everything you just said really about you?
That's why I called you here.
Because I wanted salvation.
You wanted salvation?
For Tiir.
For the children here.
For our friends gathered in the central continent.
And for you yourself, Ryner.
For the sad bearers of the Eyes of God, who have lost faith in humans.
I want you to save them all.
Because it's something I can't do.
Dig in, okay, Lafra?
Thanks.
No fair giving Brother Lafra all the attention!
Sister Pueka loves Brother Lafra!
- Love, love, love, love!
- Come on, now, mind your manners!
- Okay!
- Sorry!
Eyes of God, huh?
Ryner, we're not humans, inferior creatures.
We are superior beings that bear the Eyes of God.
Is that really true?
Are we really monsters that are different from humans?
Can we really not get along with humans?
Isn't this the same thing?
Nothing's different at all!
It's not like... 
It's not like...
It's not like we want these eyes, either!
They're monsters whose very existence causes trouble.
For the sad bearers of the Eyes of God, who have lost faith in humans.
I want you to save them all.
Me, save everyone?
I'm a cursed monster.
There's nothing to be gained from being saved at this point.
But they're different.
If they're labeled as monsters just for having their eyes, does that mean there's nothing to be gained from saving any of us?
Is that really acceptable?
Come on out.
As expected, the one known as Roland's most powerful magician is quite good.
Who are?
I'm the executive officer of the Taboo Breaker Pursuit Squadron, Callaud Squad.
Sergent Luke Stokkart.
As ordered by His Majesty, Sion Astal,
Ryner Lute, I shall dispose of you.
Vestiges of that day I had forgotten
Faint in the direction of the sky
Our hearts should have been connected
The trembling eyes don't answer
No matter how much I believe
No matter how much I want to convey
This voice won't reach
Filaments of light
Carve everything into my body
From here where I set out walking
Memory segments
Untie the strings of fate that now bind me
I want to grow strong
So that when we meet again
I can give you more protection
I left Roland because I didn't want to make things suck for everyone.
Yet, why? 
Why do things end up this way?
Nobody wanted this.
Why does it end up sucking this much?
!
"Ryner!"

I can't... 
I can't take it anymore!
We have no use for those who can't survive!
Be strong for Roland!
That is all the reason you have to exist!
Idiot!
- Ryner...
- I'll beat the crap out of you!
There are tons of people who want to live, but die anyway.
Don't act so spoiled!
But I don't want to see it anymore! 
Not everyone dying...
I don't want to see that either.
So...
Listen. 
Hold on tight to my hand, and whatever you do, don't let go.
Staying asleep
Losing sight of you
It makes me want to break everything right now
If I can't hear the words I yearn for again
I'd carelessly offer my life
Desires that cuddle
With a fading light
It's lonely
Will the morning sun come before me?
Answer me
Is there a love that binds us?
Stand and face the despair we invited
The wills of the people
Born and destroyed
Choose the future and open the lock
Huh? 
Huh?
How odd...
So basically, this means there aren't any hero relics here.
If they had to go so far as to build this fortress to guard it, you'd think it could be a hero relic, right? 
And yet...
What they're hiding here are just records of tax evaders? 
You're kidding me.
I've gotten a general idea of the situation.
Well? 
Any last words?
H-Hold on, wait a second!
A place more likely to have a hero relic is actually right here.
The truth is, the position of this fortress is just a little ways off from the resting place of a sword belonging to a hero recorded in literature.
- And?
- And, uh...
Remember the place where we camped yesterday? 
In the woods...
To be honest, the map had an "X" mark right around that area...
Oh? 
And you didn't tell me this?
W-Well, if we couldn't spot the hero's sword, that would mean someone drew it already, or it got buried in the ground.
Digging up a relic from thousands of years ago would be a huge hassle.
You didn't want to bother?
That's why, uh... 
I'm sorry! 
See, uh...
And who are you people? 
You've been skulking around the past few minutes.
Yeah.
If you're gonna attack, can't you just get it over with?
Ah, geez...
Brother Sui, you got us noticed with all your shuffling around!
Eh? 
It's my fault?
Of course it is! 
Geez, geez, geez!
All right, the treasure's right in front of us.
Our opposition looks tough, so be ready to flee at any time.
Oh, Brother Sui, you've turned 26 and still can't earn a living!
This poor 14-year-old keeps looking after an artist who does nothing but dream, unable to fall in love, unable to get married, just spoiling away!
Well, I can't have that.
- I want you to be happy, Kuu.
- On that note may we ask for a portion of the treasure?
!
Spare us a bit, for the sake of Kuu's wedding expenses.
An opening!
What's all this?
!
There isn't a single treasure in here!
Hey! 
Where did you hide the treasure?
It's been like that the whole time.
Huh?
! 
Then what the heck are you guys doing here?
Well, you see, uh...
H-Hero rel...
We're investigators, here under secret orders from the King of Imperial Nelpha.
I see. 
Then there's no need to stick around here.
Let's go, Brother Sui.
Sorry for the bother!
Investigators from Nelpha, huh?
Time to eat!
Lear?
Are you feeling sick? 
You don't look like you've eaten much.
No... 
It's just that we haven't had any success at all since coming to this town.
If only that taboo-breaker guy would use some flashy magic, we could get some rumors.
Do you realize what you're saying?
If that happens in an outside nation, that would lay Roland's magic bare for everyone to see!
Moe's right. 
If other countries learn the secrets of our magic it could lead to Roland's downfall.
That is how dangerous the existence of taboo breakers is.
Yeah...
A taboo breaker, who mastered our magic and absconded to another land without permission.
Our taboo breaker pursuit mission is pivotal to the fate of our nation.
That's why Lord Sion directly...
- We'll do our best!
- Leaving aside more complicated matters how would you like some dessert?
It looks delicious! 
Thank you!
I love it when she does that!
When the captain gets that melting expression!
Captain? 
Is something the matter?
It's because you were mocking her, Lach!
Hey, you said it first!
No, no. 
I'm fine, okay?
I was so happy that we could all enjoy a nice meal together like this, I just...
Um...
Please pardon us for interrupting your meal!
Are you the ones gathering information on taboo breakers?
Y-Yes.
We encountered two people who seemed an awful lot like taboo breakers.
Tell me everything!
Fiole.
I'm sorry I took so long to come here.
My power is never enough...
I keep speaking so conceitedly, yet even now, I can't lay a finger on the nobles of this land!
Again... 
Give up that habit already.
This is Fiole Folkal's younger sister, Eslina Folkal.
Please don't keep such an expression.
It will make my brother sad.
My brother was happy.
He spoke so much of how happy he was to be of service to His Majesty, in the letters... he sent me...
There he is!
- It's just like the siblings said.
- Yeah.
Ryner, that violent, twisted woman must be exploiting some weakness of yours, using you in all kinds of wicked ploys.
I am the only one who can save Ryner now!
And then!
Um, Captain?
Yes?
- Your orders?
- Ah, right.
First, I'll draw their attention with magic.
- Moe, back me up.
- Roger, Ma'am.
Luke, Lach, and Lear, you'll all attack with swords.
Reduce the taboo breaker's combat capabilities and apprehend him.
Understood.
All right, commence the operation!
- Ma'am!
- Ma'am!
Ryner, I'm going to save you now, just watch!
What I seek is thunder! 
Izuchi!
This is trouble! 
Protect the captain!
So, this girl is an acquaintance of yours?
No way, you still don't remember? 
I'm Milk!
You know, Milk!
We were at the same orphanage!
Who was that again?
Aw, come on...
I can't believe this! 
And after you even promised to marry me!
Eh? 
Marry you?
Really, you were using marriage as bait and devouring young girls at such a young age?
The hell I did!
And? 
If that promise is true, would you want to marry Ryner?
W-Well... 
Promise or not, it was back when we were kids, I guess...
Still... 
To meet again like this, there must be threads of fate involved.
Don't you think?
And the boy from that day, that you've finally reunited with, has grown into an all-time degenerate!
Yes, a degenerate...
Hey! 
Stop making weird interjections!
This is an act of mercy.
I'll sever the threads of fate that bring you misfortune, along with this man's head.
No! 
Ryner, run for it!
I'm not sticking around for this.
I suppose if we don't get back to work soon, the day will pass on.
Hold on, wait a minute!
Ryner! 
Ryner!
If Sion gave them those orders, why do I have to get chased around?
Our relic search is a top-secret mission.
Instructions concerning us probably haven't spread that far.
But, still...
No way!
It's no use.
The Alpha Stigma can't get a read on it.
There are traces indicating that it's been bestowed with some kind of power, but...
Yes, that's the spirit! 
Hang in there, Lach!
It must be a Nelphan army patrol garrison.
If we call out loudly, we might get some help.
Indeed, we do have permission from Nelpha in our pursuit of taboo breakers.
But if we have to spend time verifying our identities, the taboo breaker will get away.
This is bad... 
They must be going to capture Ryner!
I have to protect him.
Captain Milk?
This time... 
This time...
It's my turn to save Ryner!
For that, I would...
I-I have to pee!
Hey! 
Tying a girl up, have you no shame?
!
Girls have complicated circumstances!
There they are!
What's the meaning of this?
!
That was Roland magic, Izuchi!
It's Ante.
A spell which works by stopping vibrations in the air to prevent sound transmission.
A simple spell, but...
An optimal one for causing disruption on a battlefield.
What's going on?
Damn you!
Ouch...
You okay?
Ryner...
Ryner, you dummy!
Why'd you come to save me?
!
I went through all that trouble giving you a chance to run away!
Geez, and here I saved you.
Way to burst my bubble.
- Captain, are you all right?
- Ryner!
If we have to protect the girl you abandoned plus these men,
I can't guarantee we'd win against these numbers!
I did not abandon anyone!
You're holding the hero's sword.
That makes you the hero.
If you're a hero, do something about this right now.
What's with that reasoning?
I don't even know how to make this thing work.
Find out now.
For crying out loud...
I don't get it at all.
I don't see a thing!
Well?
!
There's no way I could analyze this thing in a situation like this!
- What in the world?
- Ryner! 
What did you do?
Who knows?
R-Retreat!
Impressive.
Is that a legendary hero?
No, it's clearly a dragon.
Whatever the case, let's put an end to this pointlessly dangerous being.
How?
Are you kidding?
How could you just walk away from the dragon?
!
Hey! 
You brought it out, you should take care of this!
Isn't that common sense?
!
I have no right to be called captain.
I mean... 
I... 
Back there...
I said that this time, I would save Ryner.
For that, I would throw away everything.
That would mean betraying all of you, whom I greatly care for.
Captain Milk. 
Please don't look so sad.
Do you remember it, Captain?
The day this squadron was formed?
I, Milk Callaud humbly accept the mission of pursuing taboo breakers!
Very good.
What you are embarking upon is a dirty job, killing those who used to be brethren.
In the future, others may use that as a reason to single you out.
I am grateful for your concern.
But I'll accept whatever injury may happen.
I once gave up on life.
I sought to escape my harsh reality, to ease everything.
But a boy, a childhood friend of mine, gave me the courage to live.
I want to repay that boy one day.
And I want to protect Roland, the place where I met him.
That's why I shall accept the mission to pursue taboo breakers with pride!
Back then, we made a decision.
We decided to believe in Captain Milk, and stick with her.
So, Captain, it's okay for you to just assume you're doing the right thing.
There's no need to let yourself be troubled.
If you commit an error, we'll correct it.
Whatever happens, we're on your side.
You are our captain.
Let's enjoy another fun meal together.
After all that's what families do.
Families?
Right!
It's my fault that Fiole wasn't protected...
no, that he was murdered.
I really do think my brother was happy.
Ever since he met you, Your Majesty, he never stopped talking about you.
That's why I also wish to be of use to the king who made my brother so happy.
You're saying you wish to serve me?
Yes, sir.
Your Majesty.
The nobles of Estabul, our vassal state to the east, have started a revolt.
When I close my heart
To the scent of impending darkness
A refrain of a far-off day of resurrection
Seeking to overcome resounding pain
For that transparent future I saw with you
Off in the sweeping emptiness
If you stay by my side...
I'll stretch my hand out
Towards the soaring skies of our oath
I want to be the light that protects
Your fleeting dreams, your tears
Break free from your cruelty-stained destiny
I believe in it
The other truth of my destiny
To another world
Revolts pretty much suck.
Nations, royalty, ambition, all of it.
Sion, quit agonizing so seriously over every little thing.
Just tell them, "You all suck!"
Ah, this sucks.
"The legend of the dango god continues..."

I hate the wild beast.
I hate the fact that he's with my sister even more.
How must it feel to not be able to choose one's dango?
Soy flavored? 
Red bean? 
Sesame seed?
Yet, Sister laughs and hungers for many kinds of dango.
It sucks, but I think it's about time to talk about the wild beast.
It's done!
Brother Sion, good morning!
What are you doing over there?
Listen, it's a report on the wild beast that I made myself!
Looking up at the door of reminiscence
The faraway whispering I was listening to
Guide me, labyrinth of the soul
To the path of the flakes of light
The pain that pierces me is an innocent trick
I want to believe that I'm not alone
This place is a paradise of wandering
With wings that dye the heart white
If I can reach your eyes
Embrace me with a smile
Know the meaning behind being born
Gazing at one another, the destiny legend begins
The wild beast came to the castle, and seemed to be surprised.
I suppose he would be.
Welcome, Ryner, to my royal court.
Hi.
- Before coming to the castle...
- But I didn't have you brought here today he had no idea you had become king, did he?
- My report?
- I suppose not.
- "How to Build a Kingdom of Afternoon Naps." 
- It would have been better
- A silly title, but fascinating contents.
- to keep that wild beast in jail forever.
- Relics of the legendary heroes.
- I thought I'd give him one last chance.
- But wasn't the wild beast thrown in jail 
- Using them to eliminate wars all over...
- because he did something fiendish?
- Don't read people's reports without asking.
- Ryner has circumstances of his own.
- I've taken a shine to this report.
- So you forgave the wild beast 
- As such, Ryner, I would like you
- because he wrote a lot of reflections?
- to travel all over the world and gather
- these hero relics or whatnot, starting now.
- That's not quite it.
- Why me?
!
- But in a sense,
- they could be reflections about the world.
- But I'm worried that you'd slack off by yourself.
- Ferris, I would like for you to accompany him as an assistant.
- Reflections about the world?
- I am assisting you on my brother's orders.
- I think the world may be headed
- I am not your henchman.
- in a bad direction.
- I've received Lucile's permission.
- Everyone's working to avoid that.
- In his words, "If Ferris disobeys, 
- Everyone's reflecting on his reflections?
- the Wynnit dango shop will be crushed." 
- I just don't get it!
Well then, I'm off, King.
Take care of Ryner.
Don't proceed with anything without having permission!
Let's go, partner.
Who are you calling partner?
!
Thus did the wild beast set out from Roland on a journey with my sister!
It was because Brother Sion issued an order for them to search for hero relics!
It wasn't an order. 
It was a favor.
The wild beast would find a hero relic and make it big without permission.
I don't see a thing!
And when he grew sick of one and threw it, it summoned something unwanted from the ground!
Sometimes things just don't go the way you want.
Have you been wearing that this whole time?
Yeah, I picked it up in the ruins.
He also stole the pretty jewel my sister found, turned it into magic, and broke up all the ground around them.
That caused four mountains to be obliterated!
- My. 
Just what I'd expect from a hero's relic.
- Thanks to the wild beast, all the surveyors
- What do we do about this? 
Besides, that...
- will have to draw up new maps again.
...mountain?
- Though maps may be recreated,
- My principle is not to look back on the past.
- mountains cannot be recreated so easily.
It survived?
!
Making a break for it by yourself?
Quit messing around!
You must always bear this in mind about the wild beast.
It's important, so it's worth saying twice.
Brother Sion, repeat after me, okay?
If you speak with the wild beast, he'll make you pregnant! 
Your turn!
If you speak with the wild beast, he'll make you pregnant.
In his search for hero relics, he also went to the libraries of neighboring kingdoms to do research.
- Out of his bad habits, the wild beast 
- That was close.
- tried to steal an important book 
- What's your problem?
!
from a little girl, but Sister would not allow such misdeeds,
- and gave him a severe scolding.
- Say. 
That book, could you...
Really, that happened too?
That was close, little girl.
That man is a habitual criminal, an abductor of young girls.
You little...
Hey, Ryner. 
Long time no see.
- Just searching for hero relics would not give them enough travel allowance, 
- Have you been doing your job?
- so sometimes they also guard Brother Sion.
- I'm going back to sleep...
- Well, if I don't work them that hard, 
- No matter how hungry you are,
- I can't get the budget approved for them.
- desks aren't edible, you know.
- I'm not eating it!
- There was a tip that assassins
- Why'd you kick me, anyway?
!
- would use Brother Sion's trip
- You seem to be getting along beautifully.
- as a chance to attack him.
The wild beast just sat there complaining and didn't work at all.
Man, I'm tired.
Why are we going through all this hassle for Sion, anyway?
But Sister was all...
He said that if we don't guard him, he'll crush the Wynnit dango shop.
- Aren't you concerned for Sion's life?
- Sister has a broad view that includes
- ls that necessary?
- community-based industries,
- Guess not.
- and through that view,
- ls there someone on the roof?
- she seeks to protect Roland's safety.
It's a narrow field of industries, but it was certainly in danger.
In order to keep the wild beast
- from causing trouble for Sister 
- I, Milk Callaud...
- in other countries, Brother Sion sent ...humbly accept the mission of pursuing taboo breakers!
- an elite squad of soldiers.
- Very good.
What you are embarking upon is a dirty job, killing those who used to be brethren.
In the future, others may use that as a reason to single you out.
I am grateful for your concern.
But I'll accept whatever injury may happen.
I once gave up on life.
I sought to escape my harsh reality, to ease everything.
But a boy, a childhood friend of mine, gave me the courage to live.
I want to repay that boy one day.
I shall accept the mission to pursue taboo breakers with pride!
Even inside Nelphan ruins, the wild beast just did as he pleased!
- Taking out spears that were stored away without permission.
- What's wrong?
Trying to attract my sister's attention by getting burned in fire!
That's an awfully risky way to get someone's attention, isn't it?
Ryner!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What the hell was that?
- Sister noticed the danger quickly, 
- Incoming.
and warned the wild beast about it.
- What was that!
?
- Look!
- Yet the wild beast wouldn't listen to her, 
- I told you.
and even worse...
After this, you are so de he snapped at her.
Damn it, Ferris...
My stomach's in knots...
- Who're you?
- Ryner?
- Now, here's a question.
- Now that you've seen me, I have no choice!
- What's the proper name of the elite force?
- I'm the leader of the Roland Empire
- Um, uhh...
- Taboo-Breaker Pursuit Squadron, Lieutenant Milk Callaud.
- The Ear Breaker Squad!
- No, very close.
- You acquired Roland magic
- Oh, um, how about...
- and left without permission.
You've been recognized as a taboo breaker.
- The Sand Wearer Squad!
- In order to preserve
- You're getting colder.
- the Roland magic system's secrecy,
- The I Want to Skip Out Squad!
- you must be put under restraint, and...
- That's Ryner.
- Owwie.
I'm beat. 
Hungry, too.
Yeah. 
Let's finish with these ruins and go out for dango.
I get it, Ryner!
I see you're forced to obey that pretty, violent woman!
Please, Ryner. 
Come with me!
You can still get off easy!
I see. 
This is one of your poor victims that you cast away after sinking your poisoned fangs in and toying with them.
Toying with them?
!
I haven't been abandoned!
Then it's a casual relationship? 
How mature.
- No way!
- No way!
The captain of the elite squadron was a former lover of the wild beast who was abandoned.
The way things are, I doubt the wild beast can make any passes at my sister.
Ryner has as wide a strike zone as ever, I see.
Surprisingly, a letter came from the wild beast.
He wrote a bogus report claiming that the reason he couldn't find any hero relics was because a man and a woman from a neighboring country got in their way.
Indeed, no one can verify the truth or lack thereof in that report.
All right, the treasure's right in front of us.
Our opposition looks tough, so be ready to flee at any time.
An opening!
What's all this?
!
There isn't a single treasure in here!
Hey! 
Where did you hide the treasure?
It's been like that the whole time.
What are you doing here?
We came to see the rumored dragon, of course.
So, what's all this?
We don't have a clue.
There's no blood from the bodies, either.
Ferris?
Perhaps you can explain this?
You're also after hero relics?
Then, allow me to show you how to use the relic you two abandoned!
What I seek is thunder. 
Izuchi!
A waste of time!
Is that another hero relic?
Yes. 
Kuu's Ailecrono Scythe.
The Dolueli Swordscale.
And this, the Elemio Comb.
Three relics.
Retreat. 
We don't stand a chance like this.
- Ryner.
- I know!
I won't let you escape.
Resonate!
Ryner?
Hey, Ryner! 
What's wrong?
You want it.
You want everything to disappear.
What did you do to Ryner?
If I don't awaken the Alpha Stigma, it can't be stolen.
Awaken?
There's no way you couldn't know.
The reason the Alpha Stigma is a hated taboo...
It goes out of control, and destroys everything.
That's why people call them mad devils, despicable slaughterers.
Nothing matters...
It doesn't matter...
Ferris... 
Run...
Get away... from me...
Ryner?
Don't... 
look... at me... 
like this...
A monster... 
I don't want to kill... you...
People die. 
But none of it matters to you. 
Now, let us end it.
Stop!
Everything. 
Yours to toy with.
Release it. 
Open up. 
Kill. 
Everything.
Collapse of the bearer confirmed. 
It's awakened.
Now all he'll do is run wild and rain down destruction.
That won't work. 
Didn't I just show you?
This Elemio Comb has divine power.
It nullifies all of your power!
Analyze existence. 
Release. 
Begone, you worm.
What the hell?
Burn it!
What is this thing?
He's not an ordinary Alpha Stigma bearer?
You would kill me? 
With your power?
You claim Elemio's paltry power would kill me?
Little worms, crawling in your holes.
Begone, begone, begone.
Everything is nothing. 
Return to nothingness!
I don't consider you a monster.
Got that? 
You're not a monster.
You are my partner, my manservant, and my tea-drinking companion.
You're no monster.
Can you hear me, Ryner?
Are you listening, Ryner?
!
N-No...
A-All of you...
Shut up.
Your time is up now.
Ryner!
Sorry, Ferris.
Close my eyes...
Ry... ner...
You're...
You're not a monster.
You're no monster!
The wild beast lost control of himself for some reason, and plotted to abduct a young boy.
Sister was opposed to it, of course, but there was no stopping the out-of-control wild beast.
Izuchi!
The wild beast brainwashed the child and made him into a weapon of war.
- Arua!
- Sister was strongly against this and was unwilling to allow it to go on.
Meddling with the magic structure, hm?
Kuku! 
Kuku!
Sister stole the children back from the wild beast, and entrusted them
- to the superior elite squadron.
- I've got it! 
I know just the person.
- Sister is kind to everyone!
- All right, I'll leave it to them!
What I seek is thunder! 
Izuchi!
- Whoa! 
Cut it out!
- Please, Captain Milk, calm yourself! 
Captain!
Hold it right there!
What's all this, out of the blue?
!
Ferris!
Indeed, the dango freshly made at the Wynnit dango shop are on a different level from others.
Where'd you even get...
I bought them, obviously. 
After all, this is within Roland's borders.
Huh?
!
It is a territory of my family, House Eris, positioned along the Roland coastal region.
All right! 
Then let's go destroy the root of the evil that put us through all that crap!
Yes! 
On the dawn of his defeat, I shall become ruler in his stead, and I shall make Roland into the Dango Empire!
With no results to speak of, the wild beast came crawling back to Roland.
My, how shameless he is!
Sister is always being dragged around by that wild beast.
It's terribly pitiful!
Thank you. 
That report was very easy to understand.
Now then, I wonder if the wild beast in the next room is done yet.
So, uh... what's this?
That was... this is...
Hey. 
Hey...
Hey, hey, hey!
There's more?
Hey!
What the hell is this?
!
She ate that many dango on one little trip?
!
How many will it take to satisfy her?
She must have a second stomach!
Is she the Elemio Comb, able to absorb anything?
No talking bad about Sister!
What the?
Are you serious?
!
This trip had an awful lot of eating expenses, didn't it?
Oh, yes.
The cost of repairing that chair will be taken out of your travel allowance, okay?
Why?
! 
Ferris was the one who ate the dango.
- And the one who broke the chair was...
- Iris Punch!
I'll be taking those repairs out of your pay as well.
There's no way... 
I'm gonna leave...
this score unsettled...
Yay!
Brother Sion, aren't I strong? 
Aren't I?
Yes, you can always protect your sister.
Yay, hooray!
Be sure to tell Sister that, too!
That Iris is a girl who can do whatever she tries to do!
Goodness!
Did I hold back on the dango while on a trip with that wild beastman?
I haven't eaten even half of my usual dango amount!
I thought I was losing my edge, and now I know why.
I cannot live like this!
It is said that consuming dango at night can ruin a lady's figure, but I must, to continue my travels with the king of the Kingdom of Degenerates.
I haven't had Wynnit dango in so long! 
Delicious!
Too delicious!
Vestiges of that day I had forgotten
Faint in the direction of the sky
Our hearts should have been connected
The trembling eyes don't answer
No matter how much I believe
No matter how much I want to convey
This voice won't reach
Filaments of light
Carve everything into my body
From here where I set out walking
Memory segments
Untie the strings of fate that now bind me
I want to grow strong
So that when we meet again
I can give you more protection
"Sion: 'If you find hero relics, I'll give you dango.' Would you like to continue the legend?" "Yes / No"

And so, the Black Hero who fought and fought against the whole world finally, truly broke down.
The Black Hero was sealed away far to the south by the goddesses who protected the world.
But another monster lived in that region:
the Lonesome Devil, hideous and ever so lonely, so lonely that he almost died.
I want to get out of this place.
I need power to get out.
Would you give me your body?
Would you let me eat half of your body?
Sure, go ahead. 
You're the first friend I've ever had, and all.
For you, giving up my body is no big deal.
The devil called All Formulas was split into the Solver of All Formulas and the Weaver of All Formulas.
And the hero devoured the Weaver of All Formulas on the spot.
The hero broke the world, and broke it, and broke it even more, until he finally reached the world's core.
But what he found there was the blackest despair, pain, loneliness, and Hell...
Looking up at the door of reminiscence But what he found there was the blackest despair, pain, loneliness, and Hell...
Looking up at the door of reminiscence And darkness, and darkness, and darkness, and darkness...
The faraway whispering I was listening to And darkness, and darkness, and darkness, and darkness...
The faraway whispering I was listening to
Guide me, labyrinth of the soul
Guide me, labyrinth of the soul Help me. 
Help me.
To the path of the flakes of light I want to destroy the entire world, but I'm going to die first.
To the path of the flakes of light Someone, please take this darkness, this pain, in my place.
The pain that pierces me is an innocent trick Someone, please take this darkness, this pain, in my place.
The pain that pierces me is an innocent trick You can use the rest of my body, then.
I want to believe that I'm not alone You can use the rest of my body, then.
I want to believe that I'm not alone You can put the darkness in here.
This place is a paradise of wandering You can put the darkness in here.
This place is a paradise of wandering
With wings that dye the heart white
With wings that dye the heart white The Lonesome Devil didn't regret it much at all.
If I can reach your eyes The Lonesome Devil didn't regret it much at all.
If I can reach your eyes Because he had made a friend, even just for a moment.
If I can reach your eyes Because he was able to live for his friend, even just for a moment.
Embrace me with a smile Because he was able to live for his friend, even just for a moment.
Embrace me with a smile
Know the meaning behind being born
Know the meaning behind being born The Lonesome Devil is a fool.
Gazing at one another, the destiny legend begins The Lonesome Devil is a fool.
Gazing at one another, the destiny legend begins
A fool, to the very end.
Sion's out pretty late.
What's the big idea, calling people in and then going out, huh?
Claugh...
I know the reason we were called here today, now.
Are you... crying?
No.
It sure looks that way.
It's just the rain.
And? 
What are you going to do with me now?
I'd figured that one day we'd end up like this.
It's always been like that, thinking that things can't stay this nice...
When I start thinking that I can't keep things up like this, it always brought a sudden situation like this to mind.
So, Sion.
Do you... want to kill me?
I'm sorry, Ryner.
Ah, I see. 
If it was you doing it maybe getting killed wouldn't be so bad.
But... 
Sorry, Sion. 
I can't let you kill me.
There's this fool who'll feel lonely if I die, even though I'm like this.
I've already made a promise.
I've decided who will kill me.
- Ferris?
- Yeah.
I'm jealous. 
Well, I suppose it can't be helped.
After all, I broke my promise first.
I still consider you my best friend.
Me, too.
But you're killing me?
Yeah.
You've already made your decision, huh?
Yeah.
Then, I guess it can't be helped.
Yeah, it can't be helped.
I shall end this, Ryner.
I hate to disappoint you, Sion, but you won't end a thing.
You can't win against me.
I can win. 
Get him!
What I seek is thunder! 
Izuchi!
What's all this, Sion?
! 
Don't tell me you've...
Yes. 
I've brought everything to completion.
You're kidding! 
What the hell have you been doing in this country?
!
Nothing special. 
It's perfectly normal.
I've merely chosen that which is necessary.
You carried out human experiments because they were necessary? 
Answer me, Sion!
What the hell are you doing?
! 
What burden are you carrying on your shoulders?
Why do you take it all on yourself alone?
!
Can I not help you?
!
Are we just outsiders to you?
!
Weren't we best friends?
!
Answer me, damn you!
Sion Astal!
What I seek is thunder! 
Izuchi!
Izuchi!
I... 
I won't give up, Sion!
No matter how deeply you brood, how hopeless you grow...
No matter how far you sink into darkness, how hard it becomes to escape dark places I won't ever give up on you!
I will kill you.
You can't kill me.
I...
You can't kill your friend!
Come with me, Sion.
Sion!
You will die here.
I won't die.
You're crying so strongly.
I won't die until I save you.
Yes, I knew it...
I knew my decision was correct, Ryner.
I will save you. 
No matter what happens to the world!
What I seek is thunder!
Izuchi!
Sion!
There you are, my dear Lonesome Devil.
Thanks to you, I was able to bring forth the swords.
Sion?
!
You're...
Is it time? 
It's time.
I will consume you. 
It's time...
Time to wander in an eternal Hell.
I will send you there.
Send. 
Send...
Come, let us eat. 
The world is waiting.
Come, let us eat. 
The world is...
Stop where you are, Hero.
It is not yet that time, is it?
Who are you? 
The Alpha?
No, you are not the Alpha.
Then do not hinder me. 
I shall become true.
You should stop. 
Now is not the time.
You should know that as well.
Weaver of All Formulas.
I wouldn't have expected you to manage this much.
It seems that I made light of you a bit.
Now, stop him and release Ryner.
He wishes to eat.
But now is not the time.
He is crucial, but in a state like this...
The world wouldn't change like this.
No one would be saved. 
Not him. 
Not you.
Not that girl, whom you cherish above all others.
Yes, I suppose you're right.
I'm glad that you have at least a shred of sanity remaining.
Sanity? 
Do you have any room to speak of such things?
Rather, I would like to see some in you.
But Sion is different.
He would never lose his sanity.
That is why I chose him. 
Because he always chooses the correct path.
Sion will betray you, Ryner Lute.
Hideous beast, lonely devil.
Until then, by all means, keep playing at your friendship.
Keep brandishing your silly justice and love, with no knowledge of his anguish.
Just enjoy your idyllic slumber as usual.
Sion...
Hey. 
Hey, wake up.
Don't sit there half asleep.
Wake up already. 
C'mon.
Huh? 
Why am I?
Still half asleep?
Come on, what's the big idea, making me help out with work, then nodding off before me?
Ryner?
Was I asleep? 
For how long?
Four hours.
- No way.
- For real.
Then... was it all a dream?
Huh? 
A dream?
Well... 
Actually, there was this really...
Hm? 
What was it again?
Hey, what's the deal?
I remembered it until just now.
I get the feeling it was a really bad dream.
Is that right? 
I guess it's a good thing I woke you up, then.
Yeah, you saved me. 
Thanks.
Well, you were going on in your sleep like...
"Eheheheh, I'm surrounded by the brassieres of hot girls. 
This is paradise!"
Frankly, I wasn't sure whether or not I should wake you up.
Uh-oh. 
My tastes have been revealed.
Well, uh, when you just go along with it that readily, it's not fun for me at all.
Then, why don't we get back to work?
It's all done. 
You should go to bed and get some real sleep.
You didn't do all of it by yourself?
- Yeah.
- You're kidding.
- Why would you do it alone without waking me?
- Aw, shaddup.
I tried to wake you and you wouldn't wake up, so what could I do?
Thanks.
Forget about it.
Thanks, Ryner.
Aw, just shaddup! 
Go and get some sleep already!
No. 
Since I slept for four hours, I'll resume work with you.
I haven't slept at all yet!
Yes, that's it. 
This isn't right.
I know. 
It's time now. 
I have to advance forward.
That's why I...
Kill. 
Kill him.
If he isn't killed now, Ryner will be doomed to never be able to die!
He'll end up wandering in Hell forever.
So, I'll save you... from the darkness, and...
Damn it.
You win! 
I can't kill him!
No one... 
No one has won. 
You are me.
I suppose so. 
You are me.
Yes.
I'm... 
We're so terribly weak.
Yes. 
But we advance forward nonetheless.
Betraying our friend?
Do we offer our friend as a sacrifice and plunge him into Hell, then advance forward?
That's right.
- It's unbearable.
- Yes.
It's unbearable for me.
Yes.
And yet...
And yet I can't kill Ryner, or save him. 
I'm a weakling.
You did well.
Don't patronize me.
Stop blaming yourself.
- Your choice wasn't wrong...
- What do you know?
!
What the hell do you know?
!
I just want to disappear.
Is that right?
Consume me. 
I'll give you my mind.
Very well. 
You can relax.
There's no more need for you to agonize over anything.
I'll... 
I'll handle the rest.
It's all right. 
I... 
I'll advance forward.
See you around.
Who's there?
! 
Entry here is forbidden!
What the hell? 
He didn't kill me, after all that?
Hey! 
Hey, Mister Jailer!
I've got a few questions for you!
Are you there? 
Hey!
Well, if he's not around, there's nothing for it.
I'll make you regret giving me that face and then not killing me!
I offer up this contract...
Ferris?
!
What the hell are you doing?
!
What? 
That's what I want to know...
Uh, Ferris?
I thought you were dead...
I thought you were dead!
I was told that you were really dead, and I...
I searched for you! 
I never believed it, even when Sion said it...
Never, never...
You saw Sion?
Something's not right about him.
He said he killed you, and smiled.
Smiled, while looking like he was going to cry.
Even when I said it was a lie, that he could never kill Ryner he just kept smiling...
He said never to come back, never to associate with him again...
He's marched the army into Imperial Nelpha.
He's spearheading the army with soldiers born of forbidden techniques, and slaughtering all the people of Nelpha.
People all over this country are cheering it on.
Praising the Hero King, the Hero King that will rule the world...
They're wrong. 
All of them...
Sion, everybody, the whole country...
It's all right. 
It's all right now, okay?
You don't have to worry about a thing.
Three cheers for the Hero King!
- Don't let him escape!
- After him!
We're getting out of this country!
What do we do once we're out?
We'll look for some way to stop him.
We'll find out why this is happening and reveal the truth!
- Over there!
- There he is!
Wait!
Get out of here safely, Ryner!
- Come on, Ryner.
- Right!
You know, Sion. 
I've always been grateful to you.
I was always dead. 
I was alive, but I was dead.
Vestiges of that day I had forgotten I was always dead. 
I was alive, but I was dead.
Vestiges of that day I had forgotten Since I was a monster, I couldn't be at anyone's side.
Vestiges of that day I had forgotten I couldn't love anyone, either.
Faint in the direction of the sky I couldn't love anyone, either.
Faint in the direction of the sky I thought there was no point in living.
Faint in the direction of the sky I'd given up on everything. 
But...
I'd given up on everything. 
But...
Our hearts should have been connected I'd given up on everything. 
But...
Our hearts should have been connected I was saved by you. 
Saved, from the bottom of my heart.
Our hearts should have been connected I've always been grateful for that.
The trembling eyes don't answer I've always been grateful for that.
The trembling eyes don't answer It may not have looked that way, though.
The trembling eyes don't answer
No matter how much I believe
No matter how much I want to convey
This voice won't reach
This voice won't reach What I seek is the burning field! 
Kurenai!
Filaments of light What I seek is the burning field! 
Kurenai!
Filaments of light
Carve everything into my body
Carve everything into my body Pink hair?
From here where I set out walking Pink hair?
From here where I set out walking It couldn't be...
From here where I set out walking Yes.
From here where I set out walking
Memory segments
Memory segments I want to return the favor.
Untie the strings of fate that now bind me I want to return the favor.
Untie the strings of fate that now bind me So... 
I don't know what you're involved in,
I want to grow strong So... 
I don't know what you're involved in,
I want to grow strong but I'll go to you.
So that when we meet again but I'll go to you.
So that when we meet again To save you.
So that when we meet again
I can give you more protection
I can give you more protection All forces, advance!
I can give you more protection
I don't know how much power it'll take to do that, but I'll get ahold of all that it takes, and I'll go to you.
So, you just prepare yourself and wait until then.
So many thoughts set free So, you just prepare yourself and wait until then.
So many thoughts set free I'll make you regret not killing me then.
So many thoughts set free
So many thoughts set free Despairing alone, bearing everything yourself, looking on the verge of tears...
They spread toward the sky Despairing alone, bearing everything yourself, looking on the verge of tears...
They spread toward the sky I'll go to you, and I'll... 
I'll make you...
I'll go to you, and I'll... 
I'll make you...
They should have overlapped with the heart I'll go to you, and I'll... 
I'll make you...
They should have overlapped with the heart I'll make you say you had the best friend ever.
They should have overlapped with the heart
The trembling eyes grow distant
The trembling eyes grow distant Ryner, join me.
The trembling eyes grow distant
No matter how much I lose
No matter how much I lose So, I'm also going to advance forward, Sion.
No matter how far I pass by So, I'm also going to advance forward, Sion.
No matter how far I pass by I'll save you, mark my words.
I'll search as much as it takes I'll save you, mark my words.
I'll search as much as it takes I won't ever give up on you!
I'll search as much as it takes
Endless filaments
Endless filaments Let's go, partner.
Power enough to tear apart the darkness Let's go, partner.
Power enough to tear apart the darkness
Grasped in my hand
Grasped in my hand Right.
Grasped in my hand
Our segments
I don't want to hurt anyone anymore
That's how I want to live
Even more straightforward than before
I want to gaze upon you
Calling out to each other once more
Filaments of light
Carve everything into my body
From here where I set out walking
Our segments
If I can overcome any pain now
I want to grow strong
So that when we meet again
I can give you more protection

Sion... remember this.
It doesn't matter who speaks poorly of you.
Because you'll find plenty of people who will love you.
So even if I'm not there you're not alone.
Sion!
Well? 
How are things going for Ryner's group?
Well, let's see...
There's a dumb prince and a good prince.
Nobody likes the dumb prince.
Everybody likes the good prince the best.
Toale Nelphi.
And the wild beast said that Toale's dessert was so delicious, he'd just sleep off his full stomach!
Is that right?
Ryner and Ferris are at Toale's place, aren't they?
Yup!
Nelpha, huh?
Nemuri toki agunete
Kimi o miushinai
Kowashitaku naru ima subete
Nozomu kotoba ga nidoto kikenai nara
Inochi sae mui ni sashidasu deshou
Kiesou na kagayaki e to
Yorisou omoi
Kodoku da yo
Watashi no moto ni mo asahi ga kuru no?
Kotaete, futari o
Tsunagu ai ga aru to
Manekareta zetsubou no hate ni tachimukau
Umarete horobiru
Hito no ishiki koso ga
Mirai o erabi, kagi o akeru
There are many who are of the opinion that this visit to Imperial Nelpha should not be carried out.
But rumors of a visit to Nelpha are spreading within the nation.
That's obviously a ploy by Duke Stearied's faction.
It's clearly a trap.
Nothing you should be going into. 
Just call it off.
Nelpha is a place you should visit, Your Majesty.
What do you mean by that, Colonel Froaude?
The foolhardy nobles have set up a foul trap.
Given that, you must overcome it without breaking a sweat, Your Majesty.
If we handle this well, we could use this chance to round up the entire anti-king faction.
If Sion gets killed, it's all over!
The anti-king faction has joined forces with Nelphan nobility, and they're conspiring to have Sion murdered.
Even if His Majesty heads for Nelpha, he wouldn't die.
What makes you so confident of that?
I will act jointly with His Majesty, and enter Nelpha.
And what would happen if you were the hired killer?
If I was, all you'd have to do is kill me and protect His Majesty.
Or do you lack that much confidence, Rear Admiral Klom?
If I have reason to suspect Sion might die at your hands in Nelpha,
I'll kill you right here, on the spot.
Your Majesty.
Please make your choice.
I'll head to Nelpha. 
Froaude will be the only one that comes with me.
The king of the Roland Empire, Lord Sion Astal, has now arrived!
Don't tell me he plans to invade Nelpha?
If Roland were to invade, in its current state,
Nelpha would be helpless to stop them!
It is a pleasure to meet you in person, King of Nelpha.
I cannot convey the gratitude I feel for your kind reception of this sudden visit.
I-I beg your pardon.
I am Gread Nelphi, King of Nelpha.
I wished to seek your wisdom, Lord Nelphi, as one who has long reigned as a wise ruler.
Thus have I humbly made my journey here.
- You have quite a way with words.
- Not at all.
If it could be done, I would wish for my Roland Empire to enjoy a long period of fellowship with Imperial Nelpha.
Lord Astal...
You're awfully young, aren't you?
Roland's hardly a kingdom fit for such things!
Prince Starnel! 
How can you speak so?
Who do you think you're talking to? 
I'll kill you.
Starnel!
I am Sion Astal, King of the Roland Empire.
It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
Don't put on airs with me just because you became king of some backwoods country...
What's the big idea, old man?
!
Silence, you foolish son! 
Leave!
I must apologize. 
He has deeply shamed me.
I truly apologize for my son's rudeness...
Please do not worry.
It is true that I am a young king with no power.
Regardless of how your son put it, I cannot deny it.
Tomorrow night, I wish to hold a grand welcome banquet for you.
May I trust that you will attend?
It would be my pleasure to accept.
Sir Astal, the king, is incredible.
He deals with commoners like me on equal terms.
He truly puts this kingdom first in his mind.
You still have that letter with you?
Yes. 
I'll deliver it as soon as I return home.
You saw the figurehead being propped up there, didn't you?
Starnel Nelphi.
Who's the one pulling his strings?
They'll be identified soon enough, I'm sure.
The people I'm using are first-rate.
And you're also first-rate.
Is that what you're implying?
I am devoted only to you, Your Majesty.
I shall protect you, whatever happens.
That's quite encouraging to hear.
There's a place I wish to visit.
Take care of the rest.
Surely you jest?
I'm not the kind of king who would die in a place like this, remember?
Understood. 
Please leave the rest to me.
Hey, Ryner. 
Long time no see.
Have you been doing your job?
I'm going back to sleep...
No matter how hungry you are, desks aren't edible, you know.
I'm not eating it! 
Why'd you kick me, anyway?
!
My way was blocked.
I merely pushed you along.
That's not what a kick is!
How nice, you seem to be getting along beautifully.
- "Beautifully"? 
Shut up!
- "Beautifully"? 
Shut up!
Sion, what's the big idea, pushing this annoying woman on me...
- I'm dying! 
I might die from this!
- You really do get along beautifully.
Ferris was nowhere near so unreserved around me.
Do you know the meaning of the word "mercy"?
Why do I get beaten to the verge of death just for one harmless morning joke?
Delicious!
I'll kill you...
I swear I'll kill you one day.
But if I can't get Ferris, maybe Sion...
Thanks for waiting.
So, you said you were Ryner's cousin, Sion?
Are you nuts, Toale? 
This is Roland's...
We're cousins, right?
Huh? 
What are you talking about?
Take a hint.
Yes! 
That's it exactly.
I can't take this. 
I'm taking an afternoon nap.
Aren't you always sleeping?
I really wish I could sleep all day.
With all the women you attack on the streets at night, it's no wonder you'd be so tired.
- Is that true?
- It's not!
The three of you all get along beautifully, don't you?
What three?
!
Toale, I understand you carry the blood of this nation's royal family?
It's nothing that glamorous.
Your father is Prince Starnel Nelphi, correct?
Yes, but to my father, I'm just a burden.
But I hear that you excel in academics, and that the cabinet ministers secretly consult with you behind the prince's back.
If I can see to it that my younger siblings are raised in happiness, that's enough for me.
Too bad. 
I bet Toale would make a way better king than someone like you.
Besides, what are you even doing here?
!
I just happened to be in the neighborhood.
Quit lying!
- Well, on that note...
- What is it?
I have a favor to ask the two of you.
Wh...
Man, I'm tired.
Why are we going through all this hassle for Sion, anyway?
He said that if we don't guard him, he'll crush the Wynnit dango shop.
Aren't you concerned for Sion's life?
Is that necessary?
Guess not.
Is there someone on the roof?
Careful...
I've been waiting for you, Your Majesty.
Let's hear your report.
Count Werius. 
He is one of the ringleaders in this affair.
And who's in charge?
It's Prince Starnel.
It seems that the root of this matter was when the king began considering making Toale Nelphi his successor.
That would mean that he seeks to assassinate his father before that happens, and ensure his place on the throne?
Yes. 
He shamelessly turned to the nobles of our land of Roland for support.
Would you truly have me conquer the entire Menoris continent?
A true king is not what you want, but what the world wants.
I shall speak with King Nelpha.
Let him handle Prince Starnel's punishment.
As you command.
What a beautiful moonlit night.
All of you, have a pleasant rest.
Now most of the Nelphan collaborators have been disposed of.
All that's left is...
Ferris.
I'm impressed that you noticed my presence, Lord Toale Nelphi.
But there was nothing reported in your background about being skilled in combat.
And who might you be?
Oh, I beg your pardon.
My name is Miran Froaude.
Miran Froaude?
The citizens of this land believe you should become its king, Lord Toale.
But it would be a problem for this land to be blessed with a good king, and have a position of power.
For that reason, Toale Nelphi, please die.
Let there be darkness!
Hey, Ryner. 
What is this?
It's not magic.
Even the Alpha Stigma can't make out any structure.
Let there be darkness!
Ferris, incoming!
Do it, Ryner!
Got it.
I offer up this contract, to bear the wicked spirit beast which sleeps in the earth!
Magic from the Kingdom of Estabul?
What I seek is the burning field. 
Kurenai!
Now he's using Roland magic?
Let there be darkness!
I see. 
You're not Lord Toale.
You're a guard of his, aren't you?
You seem to be a dangerous person as well.
And that swordswoman's moves were far from ordinary.
For him to have gathered this much talent, it only confirms that Toale Nelphi must be disposed of.
Ferris!
What I seek is thunder. 
Izuchi!
Ferris?
Ferris!
She's finished.
In the end, all the weak can do is prostrate themselves before the strong.
You're calling Ferris weak? 
You're full of crap.
That woman isn't the kind to fall over clumsily on the ground.
She's always strong, and always acting all high and mighty.
If she didn't... 
If she didn't it'd mean I'd lose the chance to get beaten up all the time!
Then what would you do to me?
Beat the crap out of you and make that shadow disappear.
You cannot do it.
There's no telling until I try.
You control the shadows with that ring, don't you?
You are truly a frightening person.
How could you tell?
I remembered the legend of the Great Emperor Kokuei.
The legend of the shadow king who enshrouded the world.
That king bestowed upon his top subordinate a ring with a strange power inside of it.
It was the power to control shadows.
That subordinate used the ring's power to assassinate high-ranking people in enemy nations, but a certain knight cut off the finger that bore the ring with a sword.
The name of that knight, that legendary hero, was...
That's right, Halford Miran.
Halford Miran sliced off the finger of the shadow-controlling assassin, and repelled the ring's power.
You cannot do it.
Yeah, it might be impossible for me.
But maybe Ferris...
If you've got time to explain that, find this man's weak spot, pronto.
It's that ring! 
That ring creates shadow monsters.
So if we both focus on that ring, we should be able to crush him!
The ring? 
So, in other words, that ring is a hero relic?
- Yes!
- Then, with a hero relic right in front of us, what are you doing lying around like an idiot?
You're the one who...
Sorry. 
My hand slipped.
You're such a...
Oh, whatever. 
Let's just crush this guy already.
You two are quite amusing!
Truly a pity I have to kill you.
But if I let you live like this, you would certainly pose a hindrance to my master one day.
Your master?
Please be at ease. 
I will not harm Lord Toale.
After all, I have a much larger matter to deal with in killing the two of you.
Then, let us meet again soon.
If that bluff just now hadn't worked, things could've gone way south.
You've had a rough day. 
I'll take care of the rest, so get some sleep.
If you're thinking of assaulting me in my sleep...
I'm not going to assault you!
I can't discern that man's character at all.
None of my searches have turned up any information about him from before he was adopted into Duke Froaude's house.
Everyone involved has been killed.
And, the nobles who plotted your assassination in Nelpha.
Didn't he murder them all?
Yes.
He's too dangerous.
You should remove him immediately.
It's Miran Froaude.
I have brought an additional report from the visit to Nelpha.
Enter.
What did you find of my background?
Would you like to see for yourself?
You've done quite some research here.
What do you plan to do? 
Will you dismiss me?
You did amazing work for me in Nelpha.
Why would I need to dismiss you?
You are certainly a strange person.
I hardly need to hear that from you.
In your shoes, I would just as soon eliminate such a dangerous person of talent.
I believe in utilizing whatever can be utilized.
That caliber is what qualifies you as king.
As long as you desire it, I shall serve you.
So, what is this additional report?
I attacked the residence of Toale Nelphi, the king's grandson, but there was unexpected interference.
Froaude and Ryner's group got in a fight?
Does that mean I indirectly tried to kill Ryner and Ferris?
Ridiculous. 
I would never make such a blunder.
There's no problem.
Let's go before he notices.
- Come on.
- Right...
If we stick around, that Froaude guy might come back again, right?
Ryner.
My back injury has gotten better.
It shouldn't be a hindrance after this.
Although without your crude care, it might have healed a bit faster.
You are such a...
I see. 
Good for you.
Well, let's get going somewhere.
Have you seen a beautiful, violent woman and a black-haired man?
Thanks a lot!
Ryner, I'll be sure to find you!
Semaru yami no kaori ni
Kokoro tozasu toki
Yomigaeru tool hi no refrain
Hibiku itami o koete mezasu yo
Kimi to mita sukitooru ano mirai e
Oshiyoseru kyomu no kanata
Kimi ga soba ni itekureru nara...
Habataku chikai no sora e
Kono te, nobasu yo
Hakanai yume o, kimi no namida o
Mamoru kagayaki ni naritai
Zankoku ni somerareta sadame o tokihanate
Shinjiteru
Mou hitotsu no truth of my destiny
Did you think that last night was a dream?
Don 't you believe or... don't you want things to change?
Probably you choose to live a miserable life.
Or you prefer living in dreams?
But you aren't peaceful even in your dreams.
You still dream about your brother Kumar.
How do you know that?
And every week, you waste a lot of money... taking advice from a psychiatrist!
Has the therapy over the years helped you?
Of course not!
Don't you wish Shonali were a part of your life?
Or are you content writing emails and not sending them?
Is this how you wish to live?
Or don't you believe that someone is really trying to help?
Believe it or not.
I call you.
Do I threaten you?
Do I trouble you?
Am I hurting you?
No!
Then why can't you believe that I am your well wisher, Karthik?
Just wait for me to call.
And in time, you and I will make everything alright.
All you need to do is trust me.
You will have to trust me.
Believe what I say... do what I say... and everything will be good again.
Trust me.
Believe that things will change.
Don't you want to change your life?
Do you believe in me, Karthik?
Do you believe in me?
Do you?
Trust me, Karthik...
trust me!
Believe in me!
Don't you wish to improve your life?
Don't you want your life to change?
Trust me, Karthik.
I want my life to change.
Trust me, Karthik.
Believe me!
Trust me, Karthik.
Trust me!
And everything will be fine.
I believe you.
Your biggest drawback is... that you're unable to say 'no' to people.
You just can't say 'no'.
It's okay to say 'no'.
If you don't, people will take you for a ride.
Learn to say 'no'.
No!
Say it loudly... with confidence.
- Karthik... 
Karthik... 
Karthik...
- Where's my deposit?
- You're paying, aren't you?
- Tell me, yes or no?
No!
- What?
You have to give me five thousand.
Why is that?
Thirty thousand to repair the kitchen leakage.
Twenty five thousand to repair the living room flooring.
I've spent a total of fifty five thousand.
That's five thousand more than the deposit.
So give it to me.
You seem upset... and that too without any reason.
You don't need to be upset about it.
I was just... hold on...
And shut down the illegal office... in garage number four.
What's it to you?
I don't like the cap of the watchman out there.
Cap?
Shut it down or I'll have it raided.
My aunt works at the Property Tax Department.
I'll call her over for lunch.
- She'll sniff it out.
- Okay.
No! 
No...
My phone... it's ringing...
for a while now...
Here's your five thousand.
Take it... please... 
I insist.
I was only kidding.
Let me help you...
You aren't responsible for your brother's death.
You didn't push Kumar.
The fact is... when you began to run away... he tried to tie you with a rope.
He lost his balance and he fell into the well.
You've been carrying this guilt all your life... even though you've done no wrong.
So I didn't kill him?
He was a bully.
He died due to his own fault.
Prepare yourself, Karthik... to sort out the other bullies.
Who stood first in college?
You!
Who topped at the IIM?
You did!
Who broke the records at the C.A. exams?
You!
So who deserves the respect?
You do.
Be the man, you've always wanted to be.
Be me!
Barge into Klamath 's cabin and...
Look at him and say...
Klamath!
- We need to talk.
What the hell is the meaning of this?
Listen, if you're here for your old job...
I'm not here for the job, Klamath.
I'm worried.
Wondering if Mr. Ratan finds out that... the land you're selling him is illegal.
You will be in a huge mess.
Anyway... this week you have... a meeting with Ambuja, don't you?
- Yes.
Are the contracts ready?
Yes.
May I?
What are you afraid of, Klamath?
Let me have a look.
Great!
If Ambuja signs this contract... you won't make a profit of hundred million.
You will incur a loss of forty million.
What?
You mean there is a mistake?
Not just one.
There are twelve.
Sorry.
Aren't you getting late for the meeting?
What are the mistakes?
Why will I incur a loss?
The Rain Clause is absent.
If work is delayed due to the rain... your company will have to bear all the losses.
Service Tax has been charged at 12.24%.
Last year the Service Tax was increased to 12.36%.
Which means... according to this costing, your company... will incur a loss of four million eight hundred thousand.
I'm working with a bunch of idiots!
The fact is, you never realised... why the paper work in the office is perfect.
It was me, Klamath.
Me!
How about a game?
Good afternoon.
If anyone can tell the boss... the 1984 amendment of the Builders Act, 15A... then he will gift that person... his very own Mercedes.
What's wrong?
None of them have a clue.
Greta, does anyone know the 1984 amendment of the Act?
- Sir, they're checking on the internet, sir.
Idiots!
By the way... do you know what it is?
- It's basically... umm...
The amendment says that the builder has to... renew his license every four years.
If the license is not renewed... then all his deals will be considered illegal.
- He could also be imprisoned.
When did your father start this company for you?
01/09/05
And... today is?
31stAugust... 2009!
So you have just one day to renew the license.
Oh my God!
This could even take a week.
I'll take your leave.
Okay.
- No, Karthik, I need you.
You can... have your... your old position back.
Job?
You mean that crummy job?
Okay, what is it that you want?
Head of Business Development.
A four-fold increase in my salary.
Two assistants.
And the new corner cabin.
The cabin?
- no?
Let's play another game...
No... it's okay... okay.
Done.
Just tell me the procedure to renew the license.
I'm here now!
Relax... chill.
Both mobiles belong to you?
Yes.
And you use them repeatedly?
Yes.
Very good!
Feels good doesn't it, Karthik?
Don't you like it?
It's unbelievable that till a few days ago... you had no respect.
You were a slave.
And now... now everyone knows who you are.
- Yes...
- Shonali needs to notice you now.
Don't you want her in your life, Karthik?
Get ready... we have a new mission.
What about Ashish?
First of all, go and talk to her boyfriend.
It's time he went back to his wife.
Wife?
- Hi, Ashish...
- Hi, Karthik...
Everything alright?
Wife?
Kids?
Congrats on the promotion, by the way.
Whatever, pal!
So tell me... when are you telling Shonali about your wife?
Um... wi... wife?
Yes.
Wi... wife.
The one in Delhi.
And your six year old kid.
Ring a bell?
How did you find out?
It was on the entertainment channel.
Saw it on the scroll.
Does it even matter?
The question is who will tell Shonali?
You?
Or I?
I was to leave my wife...
I mean, I'm going to leave her.
Then tell Shonali that!
Karthik, what's it to you?
I like the sound of a slap.
Sound?
How could you?
You lied to me?
If I hadn't... you wouldn't go out with me.
What?
Are you stupid?
That's your excuse?
Shonali, just listen to me...
That's for lying!
That's for having a stupid excuse.
That was on behalf of your wife.
Someone asked me... why men chase women... they don't intend to marry?
I replied... if dogs chase cars... doesn't mean they want to drive!
I always knew that men are like dogs.
That's very unfair.
Dogs are loyal.
Do you need a lift?
Can I drop you somewhere?
Can you drop this conversation instead?
Granted that you think men are like dogs.
Then as a dog would... may I follow you?
No, I'm fine.
I just need to be alone for a while.
I've been alone.
It's... it's very overrated.
And no fun at all.
Let's do this... you can vent your anger on me.
There are two benefits to this.
The first... you'll feel better and... secondly... we'll get to know each other.
Karthik, that's really sweet of you... but right now it's better... that I stay away from you men as much as possible.
Don't get me wrong, but I'm not interested.
- But... 
If...
- Karthik!
I don't want to hear a thing.
You remember the story of King Bruce and the spider?
The spider never lost hope despite repeatedly falling off a wall.
But...
Didn't Shonali say that... she doesn't want to hear a thing?
Don't worry.
You said you don't want to hear a thing.
Yeah...
But... chat involves reading, right?
Well then, no chatting also!
Hey ya...
Heyya...
Heyya...
I see you walk in through the door...
Heyya...
Why won't you look across the floor...
Hey ya...
I got to tell you how I feel...
Hey ya...
Oh baby... you're the only one for me...
Hey ya...
Hey ya...
Hey ya...
Hey ya...
Hey ya...
I wanna get closer to you...
Hey ya...
I need to be closer to you...
Hey ya...
I got to tell you how I feel...
Hey ya...
Oh baby... you're the only one for me...
What can I say about how I feel...
Now that you're with me...
I have all I need, life is brighter...
Now that you're with me...
Where are we going?
To have coffee.
Of course, but where?
Khandala.
The hill station?
Yes.
You agreed to have coffee... you didn't specify the place.
- Didn't we come here for... coffee!
Just wait...
Coffee.
Coffee!
All of this is specially for today?
This?
No, I've had it in my pocket for three years now!
Just joking!
All of this is especially for you.
One time offer only!
I know everybody says... that I should practice as an independent architect.
But even out here, I get to design a couple of buildings, don't I?
I agree the people at work are boring... and we have a grumpy boss.
But other aspects of a job are also important.
For example, security... stability... just like in relationships.
True!
But these days, nice guys are hard to come by.
No seriously, is there even one guy out there who is not a jerk?
Someone who is sweet, simple, honest...
By the way... have you come across such a guy?
No...
I haven't come across a guy like that.
I'm straight!
Yeah...
You know...
you know what I mean!
I mean like a gentleman.
By the way...
I'm no animal.
I'm quite gentle.
Yeah, of course, you aren't an animal!
You aren't loud or crazy.
You mean to say I'm boring?
No, no, no... no...
I mean... you're a nice guy, you're a... safe guy.
Safe?
Yes!
And that's a good thing.
You're concerned... polite... you aren't cheap nor vulgar.
I mean, I can't even imagine... that you'd misbehave with a girl.
Can't even imagine!
Safe!
If you'd like...
I could teach you to misbehave.
Really!
I hope you're happy, Karthik.
Very soon...
Shonali will be yours.
Forever!
Hey ya...
I wanna get closer to you...
Hey ya...
I need to be closer to you...
Hey ya...
I got to tell you how I feel...
Hey ya...
Oh baby... you're the only one for me...
What can I say about how I feel...
Now that you're with me...
I have all I need, life is brighter...
Now that you're with me...
Hey ya...
Hey ya...
A new colour adorns...
Every path as we stride...
Your eyes twinkle and smile...
As you call me with arms open wide...
As my dreams slowly bloom...
My heart sings a new tune...
I have all I need, life is brighter...
Now that you're with me...
Hey ya...
Hey ya...
Your radiance doesn't fade away...
I don't ever need to be blue...
The more I know you each day...
I see a bright new side of you...
Life still feels so unreal...
Yet I like the way I feel...
I have all I need, life is brighter...
Now that you're with me...
Hey ya...
I wanna get closer to you...
Hey ya...
I need to be closer to you...
Hey ya...
I got to tell you how I feel...
Hey ya...
Oh baby... you're the only one for me...
Oh baby...
Hey ya...
Oh baby...
Hey ya...
The only one for me...
Hey ya...
Cheeku?
- Neelu!
- Cheeku! 
Oh my God!
How many years has it been?
You're all grown up now.
Well, I had no other option, did I?
I'm Neelu, his cousin from Hyderabad.
- And you are?
- Shonali...
Did you elope and get married?
No... no...
We're just friends.
Just friends?
You can't charm her, can you?
No... yes...
No... umm... yes...
I mean, what are you saying?
!
I knew it!
You can't do it!
Especially not her!
She's so gorgeous!
You consider him like your brother, don't you?
His girlfriend...
I'm his girlfriend!
But you're the complete package!
Jackpot, Cheeku!
We've moved here.
Sid has started a new business.
- Siddharth is in Mumbai?
- Yes.
By the way, Siddharth is her husband and... my college friend.
In fact, he is around, should join us soon.
So tell me... have you told aunt?
Mom?
About what?
About her!
Well...
I too, just found out!
So when are you eloping to marry?
Siddharth...
I'll be back...
- Hi...
- How're you doing?
- Doing great.
- How are you?
Let me guess... you eloped and married, didn't you?
How do you know?
Just!
Don't you think... he should've at least told his mother... that he has a hot girlfriend!
- Why hide it now since he is her only son?
We were always concerned about him.
Because he was shy, very reserved, always alone...
But now we can relax, because you're there.
Thanks for putting up with Neelu.
Actually, I enjoyed it, Cheeku!
And thanks for saying that you're my girlfriend.
I mean, sorry... that you had to lie about it.
Oh... you're so sure I was lying?
Cheeku!
You mean... it was the truth?
Maybe yes... maybe no.
Cheeku!
Thanks a lot.
Really... thanks.
I know everything is perfect!
But Karthik, I want you to promise me one thing.
Never tell anyone... that I call you.
If you do, people will think you're crazy and... and I don't want that!
Just promise me, you will never tell anyone.
I promise.
Thanks for coming.
Thanks for calling.
Well then, thanks for taking my calls.
You don't need to thank me.
I'm not charged for incoming calls.
Come on, let's dance.
I don't dance.
Why?
I've never danced.
Not even if a... gorgeous girl requests?
Well... that's if a gorgeous girl... actually requests.
You are so mean.
- Okay, get me a drink.
- Sure.
Pepsi, orange juice, apple juice...
Juice?
Juice!
Juice is fine but dilute it... with vodka!
Oh God! 
Let me guess.
You don't drink!
If I do get drunk... will you take advantage of me?
No...
Then what's the point!
?
The Dervish dances...
Mesmerised by the music...
The Dervish dances...
Mesmerised by the music...
Sway to the beat, let's dance...
Hum the tune, come on dance...
Flow with the rhythm, slide in it's trance...
Drink in the harmony, let loose and dance...
Your grace, I like the way you move...
Your style, I like to see you groove...
Your gaze, it says I wanna dance with you...
Your grace, I like the way you move...
Your style, I like to see you groove...
Your gaze, it says I wanna dance with you...
A gorgeous vision, so unreal you are...
An illusion, so near yet so very far...
All around, your radiance and shine...
You are one of a kind, ethereal and divine...
Let's fulfill our dream and dance...
Feel my heartbeat, move closer and dance...
Cherish my love as we dance...
Drown yourself in me, let's dance...
Your grace, I like the way you move...
Your style, I like to see you groove...
Your gaze, it says I wanna dance with you...
Your grace, I like the way you move...
Your style, I like to see you groove...
Your gaze, it says I wanna dance with you...
What's that?
Holy water!
Whisky?
But weren't you having wine at the club?
Wine?
Wine is for girls, darling.
Is that so...
I'll take that.
No, that's enough, you've had too much.
- Please.
- No.
- Just give.
- No... no.
Listen... no.
Why?
You want some too?
It's just that... you've had a lot already.
Fine!
Good night.
Kiss me!
What?
Kiss me.
No... not now.
Why not?
Scared are you?
I know you like me!
I do... but in this state... you better sleep.
Don't misunderstand me.
I want to.
And you know I really like you.
I'll keep thinking...
I'm taking advantage, since you're drunk.
Advantage?
You are very high.
And you should sleep.
Fine!
Good night.
- Safe boy!
Now what?
Now even I'm drunk.
Now it's okay... we can take advantage of each other.
What happened?
Capturing this moment.
Why?
So I'll remember it forever.
What do you mean remember it?
You aren't going away, are you?
Why do you say that?
You're not just having fun with me, are you?
I mean, this isn't just like a one night thing, right?
What?
Is that what you think?
You think this is just physical for me?
I've met a lot of men who... appear to be nice in the beginning... and then just disappear.
Or they're bloody married!
Come with me.
- But where?
- Come on.
13th October 2007.
- Today, for Diwali...
- For Diwali... you distributed sweets to everyone.
You shook hands with everyone.
This is my happiest Diwali... because today you saw me... and I got to touch your hand.
You haven't come to office for four days.
21stAugust 2008.
Just heard that you've gone to Goa for a week.
You will be back after three days.
Each day without you is like a lifetime.
Why didn't you send these?
Wonder how this happened...
Wonder how this happened...
How we met each other...
And now we keep getting closer...
Wonder how this happened...
Wonder how this happened...
Every moment now, is new to know...
What else does fate have in store...
Why does it seem...
The heart is humming a melody...
Why does it seem...
Every moment is smiling with glee...
When I saw you... for the very first time...
All I wished was... for you to be mine...
Once it was a dream... just you and I... and you softly whisper...
I am yours, now and forever more...
What else can fate have in store...
Why does it seem...
The heart is humming a melody...
Why does it seem...
Every moment is smiling with glee...
Wonder how this happened...
Every moment now, is new to know...
What else does fate have in store...
Karthik...
Karthik sir!
Karthik sir...
- Listen, I...
- Hold it!
Shut the door.
As I was saying...
Shut it from outside.
Jackass!
Karthik... how many girlfriends have you had?
So how many girlfriends?
Girlfriends?
Including you?
One.
And that's never going to change either.
Karthik, you know I've had boyfriends... but I've always burnt my fingers.
I've been through it so many times... that I'm always scared.
What are you scared about?
You know Ashish?
He was married!
Really?
The bastard had a wife and a child in Delhi.
He lied to me.
Promise me, Karthik... that you'll never keep secrets from me.
If you ever lie to me... it will hurt too much.
I love you a lot.
And I don't want to lose you.
Trust me, Shona.
I'm not like those other guys.
I'm just a guy who loves you.
A lot!
I'll never keep any secrets.
No matter what... just tell me the truth.
Promise me.
Never tell anyone... that I call you.
Actually... you see... there's something... that is unusual.
Well, not unusual... it's special.
What is it?
You see... the thing is...
It's our little secret, Karthik.
What?
Shona, I...
The phone, Karthik...
Yeah... just ignore it.
- I'll answer it.
- No!
I... 
I'll get it.
Hello...
Hello...
- Good evening, sir.
I'm calling from USC bank, sir.
- Sir, our bank has introduced a new credit card offer.
- If you apply for one card, you will also get a complimentary card.
Who was it?
Nobody.
It was a wrong number.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
You were saying something.
Something 'unusual'?
Umm... well I... was saying that...
For a girl like you... to be with a... boy like me... it's... it's very unusual.
Shona, everyday I get this call.
It helps me.
What do you mean?
I talk to him for hours.
With whom?
Talk to whom?
Who calls you, Karthik?
Karthik.
I call myself.
Wait a minute.
What do you mean, I?
The person who calls is Karthik.
I mean... it is I.
Stop joking, silly!
- Are you serious?
Karthik, are you serious?
I really do get these calls.
But I'm not troubled by them.
They've helped me.
They've transformed my life.
Do you know what you're saying?
How is it possible?
I don't know but it does happen.
Karthik, someone is playing a prank on you.
How can helping me benefit others?
Correct!
Even I get calls from myself.
- You too?
!
- No! 
Because it's not possible.
It is possible!
And in my life it happens to be normal.
Shona...
I think you need help.
Please, let's go to a doctor.
Shona, you're overreacting.
There is no problem.
Don't you worry.
After we're married, I'll keep the phone here... in the living room and talk softly.
It won't even disturb your sleep.
You really think, with your condition, we should marry?
Shona, don't do this.
We're being honest.
And now you're saying, you don't love me!
Of course, I love you that's why I'm saying this.
For your well being, our well being.
I'm sorry, Shona, I... won't see a psychiatrist.
Are you trying to get rid of me?
No, Shona...
Karthik, then you decide.
Either you see a psychiatrist or else...
I really don't have the energy for one more bad relationship.
Alright, I'll go.
I told you not to!
And yet you told her.
How did it help?
Now Shonali thinks you're nuts, doesn't she?
Now listen... nothing is lost yet.
Don't listen to her.
Don't go to the psychiatrist.
What are you afraid of?
That Shonali will leave you?
If she truly loves you... she will understand.
Who changed your life?
I did.
Who got your job back?
I did!
Who helped you win Shonali?
I did!
And now you won 't listen to me?
You've seen the consequences of telling the truth.
Now see what a lie can do.
Go to Shonali and tell her...
I won't go to the psychiatrist.
What?
Umm... 
I don't get any calls.
Karthik, are you lying to me?
Look me in the eyes.
You are lying to me!
You're lying, aren't you?
No, Shonali... 
I really... don't get any calls.
I was kidding.
You're lying to me, aren't you?
Yes.
Why don't you understand that I can't go to the psychiatrist?
Why not?
Because he said so!
I trust his judgment.
Following his advice has always benefitted me.
Well, this time it won't!
I can't spend the rest of my life with an unstable man.
And anyway you prefer to spend your life with a phone...
Wait!
Fine!
I'll go.
These calls are your imagination, Karthik.
- Don't you believe me?
- It's not that I don't.
I believe that you think you get these calls but...
Karthik, I need to tell you something.
I think, I know what this is.
It's an uncommon psychological disorder.
It could be schizophrenia, causing the hallucinations.
In this condition, a man talks to people... who are only visible to him.
He thinks that these people are telling him something... through these calls, in your case.
But this is just a figment of imagination.
These... these aren't hallucinations.
It's in your mind.
These calls don't really come, Karthik.
Okay, tell me.
Have you received these calls when others are present?
No.
Ever wonder why you get these calls, only when you're alone?
Okay... have you tried finding out from where you get these calls?
I did go, to the telephone exchange.
- Okay and...
They said, I don't get any calls.
See?
I'm not imagining this!
Karthik, please let me help you.
You have to try some medication, you'll see the difference.
Medicines to cure what?
I'm... 
I am fine!
When do you get this call?
At five in the morning.
I don't do this usually, but I'm going to make an exception for you.
Can I come over to your place?
I want to see for myself that you get the call.
Sure!
Then you will know for sure, that this isn't my imagination.
And please tell Shonali that I'm not crazy!
Hello, good morning.
Is she here?
So... she turned pale when the phone rang?
Switch on the speakerphone.
Go on, talk to him.
- Hello...
- Hello, Dr. Kapadia.
So tell me, you've known me all these years.
You should know by now, that I never lie.
If I said I exist, that means I do.
It's one of your friends, right?
How do I convince you, I really am Karthik?
I too am Karthik.
What can I say to convince you?
That you kept me waiting for an hour today?
That you took notes ten times during the session?
You checked your watch twice... and you didn't have change for thousand rupees?
Why can't you believe that I exist, damn it!
That my calls help?
That I've achieved something... you and your therapy couldn't for years?
You are a failure!
You should thank me!
On the contrary, you're telling him that I don't exist.
That I am not real.
Karthik is like a child, Dr Kapadia.
He needs me.
You have children too, don't you?
How would you feel, if someone told them... that you don't exist?
That you aren't real?
Or if someone were to tell you that your kids...
Your kids are in school, aren't they?
You think they are safe there?
What?
She ran away?
You're telling me that your psychiatrist is also mad?
Why can't you just accept that this call is a part of my life?
Because, it's not possible, Karthik.
But, Dr Kapadia spoke with him.
Okay!
This isn't your imagination!
That means someone is making a fool out of you.
No.
I know what to do.
Don't be scared, I'm there with you.
Shona, do I look scared?
Whoever it is, we'll have him arrested.
Stop being absurd!
Oh really! 
I'm being absurd?
He said nobody would believe.
Who said that?
He did!
Don't answer it!
- What?
- Just leave it unanswered.
Have you ever ignored it?
You haven't, right?
Let's see what happens.
- But Shona...
- No, Karthik!
Let it ring!
Let's see what happens.
He will call for a couple of days and stop.
Shonali, he'll feel bad.
And if you answer, then I will.
Just let it ring!
- I have to answer it...
- Don't answer, Karthik.
Don't worry.
It's not like someone is going to step out and kill you.
I'm sorry.
Actually, sir... these bills have been pending for three months.
- The lights were on, so thought you might be awake.
I need to leave, Karthik.
Are you okay?
Did you answer the phone?
Sweetheart...
Don't answer the calls and everything will be alright.
Everything will be ruined!
No, it won't!
Why don't you understand that I'm nothing without the calls?
That's not true, Karthik.
You are an intelligent and fun guy.
No, I'm not!
Did you even notice me before?
Did it ever matter to you if I were alive or not?
It mattered to him.
He became my friend, my guardian, my guide... he fixed everything!
You are a part of my life because of him.
And now you have a problem with him?
See!
Now you don't want to be with me.
He said you wouldn't understand.
What do you want me to understand?
Do you know who he is, where he lives... his whereabouts...
How does it matter?
He has helped me a lot.
And I will talk to him.
Shona...
I need to speak to him.
How can I keep you happy without his help?
Please...
You need help, Karthik.
He is the help, Shona.
I will talk to him...
Are you with me?
You were right.
No one will understand.
I shouldn't have told anyone.
Hello... 
Karthik...
I'm sorry, I didn't...
You made a big mistake, Karthik.
Very big!
Didn't I warn you?
Not to tell anyone.
Yet you did!
I told you not to see the psychiatrist... but you actually brought her home!
And then... yesterday you crossed the limits!
You didn't answer my call.
My call!
How dare you?
Now you'll have to pay for it!
Do you think that if I can take you to the top...
I can't bring you down?
Just watch as I ruin your life in a flash!
Please... 
Listen to me...
- You...
- You are finished!
Now...
I'm going to bring you down!
You took Shonali's advice, didn't you?
Just wait.
You are finished, Karthik.
Finished!
Karthik, please listen to me.
You never let me speak... please...
Hello... hello... hello...
Sir, hurry up, Mr. Klamath is waiting for you.
Yes, sir?
Who the hell do you think you are?
You think you can blackmail me, you son of a bitch?
Sir, what happened?
You think, if you call me at night and... threaten me, I'll get scared?
No, sir... 
I didn't call you.
Don't lie to me!
I know it is you who called.
You threatened to tell my wife about my affairs!
You bastard!
No, sir.
I really didn't call.
Only you knew about it.
You think I don't recognise your voice?
It was you!
- Listen Karthik, you maybe very good... with your work, all your accounts and figures, but now you've gotten personal!
Sir... it wasn't me, sir...
It wasn't you?
Listen to me very carefully!
If you ever call my home again...
I'll bury you in cement in the basement of this very office.
I'll bury you, do you understand me?
You're finished!
Your job, medical insurance... home loan, pension plan, everything is finished!
You will never work in this industry again!
- Now you get out of my office...
- Sir, really...
Get out!
Get out of my office!
Yes, Mr. Ratan...
- Karthik!
You called Mr. Ratan and told him... that the Thane land is illegal.
No, sir... 
I didn't call him.
Because of you, I have lost eight hundred million!
Can you understand me?
Eight hundred million!
They're suing us, you son of a bitch!
We're ruined!
I'm going to kill you right here.
- Sir...
- Right here, I'm going to kill you.
- Sir...
- Sir... sir, stop it...
Leave me!
Security, remove him from the premises!
How could you, Karthik?
How could you say all those things?
What did I say?
As if you don't know!
Karthik, you called me a slut and a prostitute!
You said I've been with everyone in the office...
When did I say that?
Who told you I said that?
Who?
You did, Karthik, last night on the phone.
You made fun of me.
You accused me!
You mocked all the private feelings I shared with you, only you.
I didn't call you, Shona.
Believe me that was him!
You think I'm stupid?
It was you, Karthik.
And you know what...
I never want to see your face again!
I can't believe I thought you were special!
Now you'll pay for your actions!
You are finished, Karthik.
Finished!
Sir, the card was declined.
What?
It's a debit card, not a credit card.
How can it be declined?
Whatever!
The payment didn't go through.
Sir, your account has zero balance.
You have no money!
But all my savings were in that account.
Yesterday there was a balance of about one and half million.
Sir, last night, using the telebanking service... you transferred all your funds.
How is that possible?
- Sir, through telebanking.
- You verify your password, your PIN number, your...
I know what telebanking is!
Where has my money been transferred to?
Sir, you transferred it to... umm... a Foundation for Children fund.
I do donate five thousand to that account, every month... but I didn't transfer everything.
Sir, you transferred everything yesterday.
Now I'm going to take it all back, Karthik!
Now...
I'm going to bring you down!
I'm going to bring you down!
You are finished, Karthik.
Finished!
Excuse me... can you do me a favour, please?
Will you buy a ticket for me?
- To where?
- Any city... but don't tell me which city.
Here is the money.
Just tell me the platform number, please.
You need to get off here.
Can you help me alight?
Excuse me... please give him a hand...
- Here's the rickshaw.
- Thank you...
- It's alright.
Take me to a small hotel...
- Which one?
- Any hotel will do.
Welcome, sir.
Okay, sir...
Thank you.
- Good morning, sir.
- Good morning.
How much for two weeks?
Single room, daily six hundred fifty rupees.
Eight thousand rupees for two weeks.
Discount price, sir.
Here's ten thousand.
Do me a favour.
Disconnect the phone in my room and remove it.
Also remove all the stationery.
The TV too and also the room number sign.
Don't deliver the newspaper, please.
Don't disturb me at all.
Deliver the meals to the room.
Now even I don't know where I am... so how will he?
Here...
I hope you like the food...
Of course, I do.
- I'll leave now.
- Bye.
What brought about this sadness...
Oh heart of mine...
And with it such painful loneliness...
Oh heart of mine...
Every step the silence of the memories scream...
The eyes ache with sorrow, but shed no tear...
Oh answer... why is it so?
Why forsakes me, the bright glow?
What brought about this sadness...
Oh heart of mine...
People... they come and go...
You know... it's always been so...
Everyone left, they're here no more...
How does it help to cry yourself sore?
They remember you no more...
Letting go is the only cure...
Or with me...
This agony, you too can endure...
Trust me...
Oh heart of mine...
Forget the past...
It's never meant to last!
What brought about this sadness...
Goodbyes hurt most when you don't get to say them.
It wasn't my fault, Shonali.
- Hello...
- Hi, this is Dr Kapadia here.
- Hello...
- Hi, this is Dr Kapadia here.
Sorry to disturb you in the office but... but I need to meet Karthik.
Do you know where he is?
- No... umm...
- actually, I've been trying to contact him but...
- I have no idea where he is.
Okay.
Okay, can you please call me if you hear from him?
- Yes, of course.
Thanks... bye.
- Thank you very much.
- Welcome, sir.
- And thanks to you also.
- Thank you, sir.
I really appreciate your help.
Thank you very much.
Well done, Karthik.
You handled that like a pro.
Thank you, sir.
Actually, you know, you are over qualified for this job.
You should be somewhere else in a bigger firm...
No, sir... 
I like it here.
Peace of mind is essential and I found it here in Cochin.
You're one strange fellow.
And I keep telling you that!
- Karthik...
- Yes, sir.
- Sit... sit...
- No, sir... it's okay.
I'm going to Dubai next week and I need to be in touch with you.
We'll be in touch on email, sir.
I need you to get a phone.
Karthik?
- Phone, Karthik...
- Sir...
It's not necessary, sir.
What do you mean?
You neither have a mobile nor a landline.
No, no... 
I insist!
You have to get a phone.
Please, sir, I don't want a phone.
Sir, I have a problem with mobiles.
Then get a landline!
- Landline, sir?
- Karthik...
I'm not asking you, I'm telling you.
You said you want payment in cash, I agreed.
You said you won't travel, I agreed.
You said you won't go to the Mumbai head office, I agreed.
Won't you agree to this request?
Come on, get a landline, quick!
- Yes, we will allot the number now... but the wireman will come tomorrow.
We are out of handsets, you'll need to buy your own.
Please do me a favor.
Don't print my number in the directory.
I want to keep it private.
Mention it in the form and it will be done.
And don't even tell me the number.
But it will be printed on the bill.
Then don't send the bill.
What?
If you wish, I'll pay the yearly charge in advance.
I don't want a bill.
Actually, I don't want to know the number either.
You could write it on a paper.
Sir, my telephone number.
Sir... please don't tell anyone.
Not even me.
- You don't know your own number?
- No, sir.
You really are strange!
Why are you thinking so much?
- You're selecting a phone, not a bride!
I don't get any calls.
Only if you buy a phone, will you know if anyone calls.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Everything is fine now, Shonali.
I'm free from the calls.
Sorry for what happened.
Maybe some day we can be together again.
- Kavita...
- Yes?
Can you please book me a ticket to Mumbai for tomorrow?
Hi... 
I'm Shonali.
Hi, Shonali, I'm Shweta.
When you called you said, you've news about Karthik.
In fact I just received an email today, after a long time.
Okay, I need you to tell me something.
Sure!
Did Karthik have a brother?
Of course not.
And you're sure about this?
Absolutely!
I met his sister, his cousin sister.
She told me a lot about him.
Karthik is an only child.
He has no brother.
My suspicions were correct.
About what?
Since childhood he has been disturbed.
Karthik thought he had a brother.
And he came to me, due to the guilt about his death but... his brother wasn't real.
I had to suffer Kumar's taunts, his anger everyday.
Mom and dad never believed that he troubled me.
They never believed me.
He never did anything in their presence.
Shonali...
Karthik is schizophrenic.
- Karthik's parents didn't believe him because... only Karthik saw his brother.
- He was imaginary.
How is it related to the phone calls?
It is related, just like his brother... the 'Karthik' who calls is imaginary.
A figment of his imagination.
Imagination?
But I've seen the phone ring!
I'm not saying the phone calls don't come.
All I'm saying is this person that Karthik talks to... is created by Karthik's mind.
Didn't you speak with him?
Exactly!
And I got fooled too.
But I kept wondering, how the voice I had heard... could be Karthik's.
And then a few days ago, I came across this.
- Please set time.
- Time set five a.m. Please record message.
Remember me, Karthik?
Did you think... that I'd let you be?
You're going to wish you were dead!
And now, I'm going to get you, Karthik.
I found you.
- Message saved.
- Karthik used to call himself?
Oh my God!
It has many amazing features.
Alarm, calendar, self reminder...
If you want to remember something... dial 0-0-2-6 and record a message in your own voice.
This will be recorded on the handset.
- A reminder for anything.
- You can even set the timer.
Say you want a reminder at nine a.m. before leaving for work.
- The phone will ring at nine sharp!
- When you answer, you can hear the message.
If you wish, you can record a message for others too.
Please listen to me.
You never let me speak, please...
- Even if the phone is dead, the features will work.
- Because this phone works on batteries.
- And if you don't record a new message, it won't ring.
- Oh my God!
He needs help.
I need to get to him.
I need a flight to Cochin, a night flight will do.
- But where is he?
- His email contained the address of a courier company.
I'll figure out the rest.
- Our brain is unique, very complex.
- Things we want to remember...
- what we think about, talk about...
- get stored in one part of the mind.
- the conscious mind.
- And those little things, that we don't really focus on...
- what we see, hear, but can't remember...
- are stored in another part.
- the subconscious mind.
- The subconscious mind is a very strange thing.
- Everything is stored there.
- It knows how we think...
- what we think, what questions we'll ask...
What do you want to know?
The colour of your socks?
- Our personal things, our secrets...
Your bank PIN number is 1-2-7-6.
- It's because the conscious and subconscious mind...
- are both present in the same brain.
Wife?
Why did you call on this number?
I already told you... when I come to Delhi, I'll visit Bunty's school.
- Several different personalities can coexist in one brain.
- In Karthik's case, the other Karthik who calls.
- His alter ego...
- and Karthik probably doesn't know this.
- No one knows how severe this problem can be.
- the mind can act in very twisted ways.
- It's very rare but...
- I think Karthik could actually be...
- suffering from multiple mental disorders, Shonali.
Hello...
Remember me, Karthik?
Did you think... that I'd let you be?
You thought you were safe from me?
No, Karthik.
Now you are finished.
See how I ruin your life.
You're going to wish you were dead, Karthik.
Did you think... that I wouldn't find you in Cochin?
Guess what?
You were wrong.
Again!
You can't run away from me...
This reality, why can't you believe?
With you I am, by your side...
Not a memory, you cast by the wayside...
I'm always around...
Be there gladness or sorrow...
Every moment, I have you with me...
This is how it was meant to be...
At every corner and every step...
I'm there, in every breath...
You can wander far and wide...
With you I'll always abide...
I'm always around...
Be there gladness or sorrow...
Believe it or not, you are my own...
You are mine... mine alone...
It's time you realise my being...
Time you accept you need me...
I just can't let you be...
I complete you, why can't you see?
I'm always around...
Be there gladness or sorrow...
Believe it or not, you are my own...
You are mine... mine alone...
You are mine... mine alone...
Hello...
Yes, Dr Kapadia...
Yeah, just a minute.
Karthik...
Karthik?
It's Dr Kapadia for you.
- Karthik, You need to do this.
Hello...
- Karthik...
- I thought, I'd call and wish you.
- Happy Birthday!
Thank you.
- How have you been?
I'm better, thanks.
- You're coming over to see me on Monday, aren't you?
Yes... absolutely.
- Great! 
Take care.
- Happy birthday, once again.
Thanks.
Bye.
Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player

- Hello...
- Good morning, sir.
- Sir, USC Bank is offering you a free credit card.
- I'm not interested, thank you.
- Sir, hello... hello, sir... hello...
- Karthik!
Karthik... wait!
- Mr Karthik...
Where do you think you're going?
I'm deducting ten thousand rupees... from your lease deposit as elevator repair charges.
- From my deposit...
- Why not?
Don't you use the elevator?
Of course, you do!
I need more deposit.
Fifty thousand rupees!
- Or you can vacate the apartment.
- But...
I've let one of the garages...
number four on rent.
The rent is fifteen thousand rupees.
And the deposit is one hundred thousand!
it's okay if you can't afford it.
it's alright, there are many waiting for that flat.
So... 
Mr Karthik...
What's your mobile number?
I don't use a mobile.
I knew that!
Then why did you ask?
No reason!
About time you became cool.
Cool?
I'm not a fool!
I read on the internet that... the radiation of the mobile battery causes brain damage.
What?
Don't you know about the egg and mobile experiment?
Egg and mobile?
No!
A mobile was kept ringing near an egg for weeks.
After three weeks chicks emerged from the other eggs.
But from the egg near the mobile... only water!
I'm not bothered... I don't own a poultry farm!
Boss said you'd do it.
But I'm doing this...
If you have a problem, have a word with the boss.
Talk to him.
What do you actually do all day?
Sir...
You haven't cracked a single deal!
We're a construction company and you haven't sold a single piece of land.
Sir, last year I bagged four deals.
You didn't bag those deals, Vinay did!
No, sir...
Sir, those leads... meetings...
- Stop making excuses!
This is exactly what I'm talking about, you idiot!
I'm sorry, sir.
I'll try harder.
You know what, Karthik, this is your final warning.
- You must bag at least two deals this month.
Otherwise I'm sorry, but I... don't think I will want you in this company.
Sir, but I handle the paper work of the entire office, sir...
- So what?
You don't want to move a single muscle?
- You want to be paid to sit on your behind?
No, sir.
Get out.
- Good morning, Shonali.
- Good morning.
Everyday I see your face... and I know that even in hell one can find an angel.
My angel.
Excuse me, what's the time?
- Karthik, you have to prepare all the Raheja contracts tonight.
- We need to submit them tomorrow morning.
But... but sir, there are 11 contracts.
- l know that, but you have the whole night.
Just do it.
Hello...
- Karthik, where the hell are the DLH Builders' contracts?
I don't know, sir.
- What do you mean, you don't know?
- You had to prepare both the Raheja and DLH Builders' contracts.
- Only the Raheja contracts are present here.
No, sir, you mentioned only Raheja.
- Don't lie to me, Karthik!
- l dearly told you, Raheja and DLH Builders, both.
No, sir... really...
- l don't care how you do it, Karthik.
- l want those contracts ready by one p.m. today!
But sir, I just got home... I haven't slept at all.
- l don't pay you to sleep.
- Come to office right now and do it!
- Don't even know why I've hired you.
- Idiot!
Karthik!
Yes, sir.
Hurry up!
Come to my car.
Yes, Mr Ratan...
Yes...
Of course!
The Thane land is yours!
Trust me, it isn't illegal!
We don't indulge in such deals.
Sir, the court has passed a stay order on that land.
Okay... bye.
Keep your trap shut!
Anyway, you know what these contracts seem fine.
Driver, stop the car.
You can get off over here.
- This is a good piece.
- It's Japanese, a new model.
it has many amazing features.
Alarm, calendar...
Sir?
Card or cash?
Birthday present in advance.
idiot!
- Mom and dad never believed that he troubled me.
- He never did anything in their presence.
- l had to suffer Kumar's taunts...
- his anger, everyday.
- That day he took me some place.
- We got there and he tried to push me into a well.
- l managed to free myself and ran away, but...
- but Kumar fell into the well.
- Because of me.
- I'm responsible for his death.
- l took his life.
It wasn't your fault.
Did you push him intentionally?
No.
That incident has scared you... from confronting people all your life.
You still believe that... you're better off tolerating everything silently.
But people take advantage of this.
Then what should I do?
Don't let anyone suppress you.
Build your self confidence.
Stand up for yourself.
May I come in, sir?
Sir, I was upset.
About what?
That you thought, I didn't prepare the DLH contracts, sir.
Sir...
In fact you forgot to tell me about them.
You mean to say it was my fault.
No, sir... that's not what I meant.
Sir, I... just wanted you to know that.
- That I'm an idiot!
- No, sir...
I'm an ass!
In fact... you want me to say sorry to you.
- Come... please...
- Listen up everyone.
Look here.
Our friend, Mr Karthik Narayan, wants me to say sorry to him.
- Sir... 
I...
- Just because I gave you some work to do... you think I'm being unreasonable.
He forgets to do it...
You're fired!
Do you understand that?
Who is this guy?
- Someone new?
- No.
- He's been here for four years.
- Karthik.
Strange... never noticed him.
- Mr Karthik...
How nice!
You want to use the lift... but don't want to pay for the maintenance!
Such a loser!
Hello...
- Mr Karthik...
Oh... 
Mr Karthik...
- are you inside?
- Mr Karthik...
- Oh... 
Mr Karthik...
Great!
What a way to celebrate a birthday!
Couldn't do anything great in this life.
Guess I'll try again!
Hello...
Happy birthday to you... happy birthday to you...
Happy Birthday, Karthik.
- Who is this?
- Don't you recognise the voice?
This is Karthik.
I am Karthik.
And so are you.
What's the meaning of this?
What were you trying to do?
Take your own life?
Since you were out of insecticide... you thought you would overdose on sleeping pills.
But now... you needn't die.
Now that I'm here.
Everything is going to change, Karthik...
everything!
I'm going to improve your life.
Who is this?
If I'm not Karthik, how do I know that... your bank PIN number... is 1-2-7-6?
Or that the scar below your eye... was the result of... being hit by a cricket ball when you were eight.
When you're nervous... you start scratching yourself.
Am I right?
Alright then, tell me...
What do you want to know?
The colour of your socks?
Yesterday you wore black socks.
and you're still wearing them.
and if you don't change them... your big toe will tear it's way out... to say, "Hello!"
Nobody called you last night.
What?
Nobody called you... last night.
Well then check today's call history.
Five at night... would be today.
No calls today either.
The last call you received was... four days ago.
That's it!
Could have been last week.
Perhaps you forgot.
- Sir... please.
Your phone isn't ringing...
it's your... ears that are ringing!
- Your ears!
Hello...
I knew it!
I knew you wouldn't believe and... go to the telephone exchange.
What did you find out?
That nobody called you?
Did you think that last night was a dream?
Don't you believe or... don't you want things to change?
Probably you choose to live a miserable life.
Or you prefer living in dreams?
But you aren't peaceful even in your dreams.
You still dream about your brother Kumar.
How do you know that?
And every week, you waste a lot of money... taking advice from a psychiatrist!
Has the therapy over the years helped you?
Of course not?
Don't you wish Shonali were a part of your life?
Or are you content writing emails and not sending them?
Is this how you wish to live?
Or don't you believe that someone is really trying to help?
Believe it or not.
I call you.
Do I threaten you?
Do I trouble you?
Am I hurting you?
No?
Then why can't you believe that I am your well wisher, Karthik?
Just wait for me to call.
And in time, you and I will make everything alright.
All you need to do is trust me.
Believe what I say... do what I say... and everything will be good again.
Trust me.
Believe that things will change.
Don't you want to change your life?
Do you believe in me, Karthík?
Do you believe in me?
Do you?
Trust me, Karthík...
trust me!
Believe in me!
Don't you wish to improve your life?
Don't you want your life to change?
Trust me, Karthik.
I want my life to change.
Trust me, Karthik.
Believe me!
Trust me, Karthik.
Trust me!
And everything will be fine.
I believe you.
Your biggest drawback is... that you're unable to say 'no' to people.
You just can't say 'no'.
It's okay to say 'no'.
If you don't, people will take you for a ride.
Learn to say 'no'.
No?
Say it loudly... with confidence.
- Karthik... 
Karthik... 
Karthik...
- Where's my deposit?
- You're paying, aren't you?
- Tell me, yes or no?
No!
- What?
You have to give me five thousand.
Why is that?
Thirty thousand to repair the kitchen leakage.
Twenty five thousand to repair the living room flooring.
I've spent a total of fifty five thousand.
That's five thousand more than the deposit.
So give it to me.
You seem upset... and that too without any reason.
You don't need to be upset about it.
hold on...
And shut down the illegal office... in garage number four.
What's it to you?
I don't like the cap of the watchman out there.
Cap?
Shut it down or I'll have it raided.
My aunt works at the Property Tax Department.
I'll call her over for lunch.
- She'll sniff it out.
- Okay.
No! 
No...
My phone... it's ringing...
for a while now...
Here's your five thousand.
Take it... please... 
I insist.
I was only kidding.
Let me help you...
You aren't responsible for your brother's death.
The fact is... when you began to run away... he tried to tie you with a rope.
He lost his balance and he fell into the well.
You've been carrying this guilt all your life... even though you've done no wrong.
So I didn't kill him?
He was a bully.
He died due to his own fault.
Prepare yourself, Karthik... to sort out the other bullies.
Who stood first in college?
So who deserves the respect?
Be the man, you've always wanted to be.
Be me!
Barge into Kamath's cabin and... look at him and say...
Kamath!
- We need to talk.
What the hell is the meaning of this?
Listen, if you're here for your old job...
I'm worried.
Wondering if Mr Ratan finds out that... the land you're selling him is illegal.
You will be in a huge mess.
Anyway... this week you have... a meeting with Ambuja, don't you?
- Yes.
Are the contracts ready?
Yes.
May I?
What are you afraid of, Kamath?
Let me have a look.
Great!
If Ambuja signs this contract... you won't make a profit of hundred million.
You will incur a loss of forty million.
What?
You mean there is a mistake?
There are twelve.
Sorry.
Aren't you getting late for the meeting?
What are the mistakes?
Why will I incur a loss?
The Rain Clause is absent.
If work is delayed due to the rain... your company will have to bear all the losses.
Service Tax has been charged at 12.24%.
Last year the Service Tax was increased to 12.36%.
Which means... according to this costing, your company... will incur a loss of four million eight hundred thousand.
I'm working with a bunch of idiots!
The fact is, you never realised... why the paper work in the office is perfect.
It was me, Kamath.
Me!
How about a game?
Good afternoon.
If anyone can tell the boss... the 1984 amendment of the Builders Act, 15 A... then he will give that person... his very own Mercedes.
What's wrong?
None of them have a due.
Greta, does anyone know the 1984 amendment of the Act?
- Sir, they're checking on the internet, sir.
Idiots!
By the way... do you know what it is?
- It's basically... umm...
The amendment says that the builder has to... renew his licence every four years.
If the licence is not renewed... then all his deals will be considered illegal.
- He could also be imprisoned.
When did your father start this company for you?
01/09/05
And... today is?
31st August... 2009!
So you have just one day to renew the licence.
Oh my God!
This could even take a week.
I'll take your leave.
Okay.
- No, Karthik, I need you.
You can... have your... your old position back.
Job?
You mean that crummy job?
Okay, what is it that you want?
Head of Business Development.
A four fold increase in my salary.
Two assistants.
And the new corner cabin.
The cabin?
- no?
Let's play another game...
No... it's okay... okay.
Done.
Just tell me the procedure to renew the licence.
I'm here now!
Relax... chill.
Both mobiles belong to you?
Yes.
And you use them repeatedly?
Yes.
Very good!
Feels good doesn't it, Karthik?
Don't you like it?
It's unbelievable that till a few days ago... you had no respect.
You were a slave.
And now...
Now everyone knows who you are.
- Yes...
- Shonali needs to notice you now.
Don't you want her in your life, Karthik?
Get ready... we have a new mission.
What about Ashish?
First of all, go and talk to her boyfriend.
It's time he went back to his wife.
Wife?
- Hi, Ashish...
- Hi, Karthik...
Everything alright?
Wife?
Kids?
Congrats on the promotion, by the way.
Whatever, pal!
So tell me... when are you telling Shonali about your wife?
Um... wi... wife?
Yes.
Wi... wife.
The one in Delhi.
And your six year old kid.
Ring a bell?
How did you find out?
It was on the entertainment channel.
Saw it on the scroll.
Does it even matter?
The question is who will tell Shonali?
You?
Or I?
I was to leave my wife... I mean, I'm going to leave her.
Then tell Shonali that!
Karthik, what's it to you?
I like the sound of a slap.
Sound?
How could you?
You lied to me?
If I hadn't... you wouldn't go out with me.
What?
Are you stupid?
That's your excuse?
Shonali, just listen to me...
That's for lying!
That's for having a stupid excuse.
That was on behalf of your wife.
Someone asked me... why men chase women... they don't intend to marry?
I replied... if dogs chase cars... doesn't mean they want to drive!
I always knew that men are like dogs.
That's very unfair.
Dogs are loyal.
Do you need a lift?
Can I drop you somewhere?
Can you drop this conversation instead?
Granted that you think men are like dogs.
Then as a dog would... may I follow you?
No, I'm fine.
I've been alone.
it's... it's very overrated.
And no fun at all.
Let's do this... you can vent your anger on me.
There are two benefits to this.
The first... you'll feel better and... secondly... we'll get to know each other.
Karthik, that's really sweet of you... but right now it's better... that I stay away from you men as much as possible.
Don't get me wrong, but I'm not interested.
- But... 
If...
- Karthik!
I don't want to hear a thing.
You remember the story of King Bruce and the spider?
The spider never lost hope despite Repeatedly falling off a wall.
But...
Didn't Shonali say that... she doesn't want to hear a thing?
Don't worry.
You said you don't want to Hear a thing.
Yeah...
But... chat involves reading, right?
Well then, no chatting also!
Hey ya...
Hey ya...
Hey ya... I see you walking through the door...
Hey ya...
Why won't you look across the floor...
Hey ya...
I got to tell you how I feel...
Hey ya...
Oh baby... you're the only one for me...
Hey ya...
Hey ya...
Hey ya...
Hey ya...
Hey ya...
I wanna get closer to you...
Hey ya...
I need to be closer to you...
Hey ya...
I got to tell you how I feel...
Hey ya...
Oh baby... you're the only one for me...
What can I say about how I feel...
Now that you're with me...
I have all I need, life is brighter...
Now that you're with me...
Where are we going?
To have coffee.
Of course, but where?
Khandala.
The hill station?
Yes.
You agreed to have coffee... you didn't specify the place.
- Didn't we come here for... coffee!
Just wait...
Coffee.
Coffee!
All of this is specially for today?
This?
No, I've had it in my pocket For three years now!
Just joking!
All of this is especially for you.
One time offer only!
I know everybody says... that I should practice as an independent architect.
But even out here, I get to design a couple of buildings, don't I?
I agree the people at work are boring... and we have a grumpy boss.
But other aspects of a job are also important.
For example, security... stability... just like in relationships.
True!
But these days, nice guys are hard to come by.
Someone who is sweet, simple, honest...
By the way... have you come across such a guy?
No... I haven't come across a guy like that.
I'm straight!
Yeah...
You know...
you know what I mean!
I mean like a gentleman.
By the way...
I'm no animal.
I'm quite gentle.
Yeah, Of course, you aren't an animal!
You aren't loud or lazy.
You mean to say I'm boring?
No, no, no... no... I mean... you're a nice guy, you're a... safe guy.
Safe?
Yes!
And that's a good thing.
You're concerned... polite... you aren't cheap nor vulgar.
I mean, I can't even imagine... that you'd misbehave with a girl.
Can't even imagine!
Safe!
If you'd like... I could teach you to misbehave.
Really!
I hope you're happy, Karthik.
Very soon...
Shonalí will be yours.
Forever!
Hey ya...
I wanna get closer to you...
Hey ya...
I need to be closer to you...
Hey ya...
I got to tell you how I feel...
Hey ya...
Oh baby... you're the only one for me...
What can I say about how I feel...
Now that you're with me...
I have all I need, life is brighter...
Now that you're with me...
Hey ya...
Hey ya...
A new colour adorns...
Every path as we stride...
Your eyes twinkle and smile...
As you call me with arms open wide...
As my dreams slowly bloom...
My heart sings a new tune...
I have all I need, life is brighter...
Now that you're with me...
Hey ya...
Hey ya...
Your radiance doesn't fade away...
I don't ever need to be blue...
The more I know you each day...
I see a bright new side of you...
Life still feels so unreal...
Yet I like the way I feel...
I have all I need, life is brighter...
Now that you're with me...
Hey ya...
I wanna get closer to you...
Hey ya...
I need to be closer to you...
Hey ya...
I got to tell you how I feel...
Hey ya...
Oh baby... you're the only one for me...
Oh baby...
Hey ya...
Oh baby...
Hey ya...
The only one for me...
Hey ya...
Cheeku?
- Neelu!
- Cheeku! 
Oh my God!
How many years has it been?
You're all grown up now.
Well, I had no other option, did I?
I'm Neelu, his cousin from Hyderabad.
- And you are?
- Shonali...
Did you elope and get married?
No... no...
Just friends?
You can't charm her, can you?
No...
No... umm... yes... I mean, what are you saying?
!
I knew it!
You can't do it!
Especially not her!
She's so gorgeous!
You consider him like your brother, don't you?
His girlfriend...
I'm his girlfriend!
But you're the complete package!
Jackpot, Cheeku!
We've moved here.
Sid has started a new business.
- Siddharth is in Mumbai ?
- Yes.
By the way, Siddharth is her husband and... my college friend.
So tell me... have you told aunt?
Mom?
About what?
About her!
Well...
So when are you eloping to marry?
Siddharth...
I'll be back...
- Hi...
- How're you doing?
- Doing great.
- How are you?
Let me guess... you eloped and married, didn't you?
How do you know?
Just!
Don't you think... he should've at least told his mother... that he has a hot girlfriend!
- Why hide it now since he is her only son?
We were always concerned about him.
Because he was shy, very reserved, always alone...
But now we can relax, because you're there.
Thanks for putting up with Neelu.
Actually, I enjoyed it, Cheeku!
And thanks for saying that you're my girlfriend.
I mean, sorry... that you had to lie about it.
Oh... you're so sure I was lying?
Cheeku!
You mean... it was the truth?
Maybe yes... maybe no.
Cheeku!
Thanks a lot.
Really... thanks.
I know everything is perfect!
But Karthik, I want you to promise me one thing.
Never tell anyone... that I call you.
If you do, people will think you're crazy and... and I don't want that!
Just promise me, you will never tell anyone.
I promise.
Thanks for coming.
Thanks for calling.
Well then, thanks for taking my calls.
You don't need to thank me.
I'm not charged for in coming calls.
Come on, let's dance.
I don't dance.
Why?
I've never danced.
Not even if a... gorgeous girl requests?
Well... that's if a gorgeous girl... actually requests.
You are so mean.
- Okay, get me a drink.
- Sure.
Pepsi, orange juice, apple juice...
Juice?
Juice!
Juice is fine but dilute it... with vodka!
Oh God! 
Let me guess.
You don't drink!
If I do get drunk... will you take advantage of me?
No...
Then what's the point!
?
The Dervish dances...
Mesmerised by the music...
The Dervish dances...
Mesmerised by the music...
Sway to the beat, let's dance...
Hum the tune, come on dance... flow with the rhythm, slide in it's trance...
Drink in the harmony, let loose and dance...
Your grace, I like the way you move...
Your style, I like to see you groove...
Your gaze, it says I wanna dance with you...
Your grace, I like the way you move...
Your style, I like to see you groove...
Your gaze, it says I wanna dance with you...
A gorgeous vision, so unreal you are...
An illusion, so near yet so very far...
All around, your radiance and shine...
You are one of a kind, ethereal and divine...
Let's fulfil our dream and dance... feel my heartbeat, move closer and dance...
Cherish my love as we dance...
Drown yourself in me, let's dance...
Your grace, I like the way you move...
Your style, I like to see you groove...
Your gaze, it says I wanna dance with you...
Your grace, I like the way you move...
Your style, I like to see you groove...
Your gaze, it says I wanna dance with you...
What's that?
Holy water!
Whisky?
But weren't you having wine at the pub?
Wine?
Wine is for girls, darling.
Is that so...
I'll take that.
No, that's enough, you've had too much.
- Please.
- No.
- Just give.
- No... no.
Listen... no.
Why?
You want some too?
you've had a lot already.
Fine!
Good night.
Kiss me!
What?
Kiss me.
No... not now.
Why not?
Scared are you?
I know you like me!
I do... but in this state... you better sleep.
Don't misunderstand me.
I want to.
And you know I really like you.
I'll keep thinking...
I'm taking advantage, since you're drunk.
Advantage?
You are very high.
And you should sleep.
Fine!
Good night.
- Safe boy!
Now what?
Now even I'm drunk.
Now it's okay... we can take advantage of each other.
What happened?
Capturing this moment.
Why?
So I'll remember it forever.
What do you mean remember it?
You aren't going away, are you?
Why do you say that?
You're not just having fun with me, are you?
I mean, this isn't just like a one night thing, right?
What?
Is that what you think?
You think this is just physical for me?
I've met a lot of men who... appear to be nice in the beginning... and then just disappear.
Or they're bloody married!
Come with me.
- But where?
- Come on.
13th October 2007.
- Today, for Diwali...
- For Diwali... you distributed sweets to everyone.
You shook hands with everyone.
This is my happiest Diwali... because today you saw me... and I got to touch your hand.
You haven't come to office for four days.
21st August 2008.
Just heard that you've gone to Goa for a week.
You will be back after three days.
Each day without you is like a lifetime.
Why didn't you send these?
How we met each other... and now we keep getting closer...
Every moment now, is new to know...
Why does it seem...
The heart is humming a melody...
Why does it seem...
Every moment is smiling with glee...
When I saw you... for the very first time...
All I wished was... for you to be mine...
Once it was a dream... just you and I... and you softly whisper...
I am yours, now and forever more...
Why does it seem...
The heart is humming a melody...
Why does it seem...
Every moment is smiling with glee...
Every moment now, is new to know...
Karthik...
Karthik sir!
Karthik sir...
- Listen, I...
- Hold it!
Shut the door.
As I was saying...
Shut it from outside.
Jackass!
Karthik... how many girlfriends have you had?
So how many girlfriends?
Girlfriends?
Including you?
One.
And that's never going to change either.
Karthik, you know I've had boyfriends... but I've always burnt my fingers.
I've been through it so many times... that I'm always scared.
What are you scared about?
You know Ashish?
He was married!
Really?
The bastard had a wife and a child in Delhi.
He lied to me.
Promise me, Karthik... that you'll never keep secrets from me.
If you ever lie to me... it will hurt too much.
I love you a lot.
And I don't want to lose you.
Trust me, Shona.
I'm not like those other guys.
I'm just a guy who loves you.
A lot!
I'll never keep any secrets.
No matter what... just tell me the truth.
Promise me.
Never tell anyone... that I call you.
Actually... you see... there's something... that is unusual.
Well, not unusual... it's special.
What is it?
You see... the thing is...
It's our little secret, Karthik.
What?
Shona, I...
The phone, Karthik...
Yeah... just ignore it.
- I'll answer it.
- No!
I... 
I'll get it.
Hello...
Hello...
- Good evening, sir.
I'm calling from USC bank, sir.
- Sir, our bank has introduced a new credit card offer.
- If you apply for one card, you will also get a complimentary card.
Who was it?
Nobody.
It was a wrong number.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
You were saying something.
Something 'unusual'?
Umm... well l... was saying that...
For a girl like you... to be with a... boy like me... it's... it's very unusual.
Shona, everyday I get this call.
It helps me.
What do you mean?
I talk to him for hours.
With whom?
Talk to whom?
Who calls you, Karthik?
Karthik.
I call myself.
Wait a minute.
What do you mean, I?
The person who calls is Karthik.
I mean... it is I.
Stop joking, silly!
- Are you serious?
Karthik, are you serious?
I really do get these calls.
But I'm not troubled by them.
They've helped me.
They've transformed my life.
Do you know what you're saying?
How is it possible?
I don't know but it does happen.
Karthik, someone is playing a prank on you.
How can helping me benefit others?
Correct!
Even I get calls from myself.
- You too?
!
- No! 
Because it's not possible.
It is possible!
And in my life it happens to be normal.
Shona... I think you need help.
Please, let's go to a doctor.
Shona, you're overreacting.
There is no problem.
Don't you worry.
After we're married, I'll keep the phone here... in the living room and talk softly.
It won't even disturb your sleep.
You really think, with your condition, we should marry?
Shona, don't do this.
We're being honest.
And now you're saying, you don't love me!
Of course, I love you that's why I'm saying this.
For your well being, our well being.
I'm sorry, Shona, I... won't see a psychiatrist.
Are you trying to get rid of me?
No, Shona...
Karthik, then you decide.
Either you see a psychiatrist or else... I really don't have the energy for one more bad relationship.
Alright, I'll go.
I told you not to?
And yet you told her.
How did it help?
Now Shonali thinks you're nuts, doesn't she?
Now listen... nothing is lost yet.
Don't listen to her.
Don't go to the psychiatrist.
What are you afraid of?
That Shonali will leave you?
If she truly loves you... she will understand.
Who changed your life?
I did.
Who got your job back?
I did!
Who helped you win Shonali?
I did!
And now you won't listen to me?
You've seen the consequences of telling the truth.
Now see what a lie can do.
Go to Shonali and tell her...
I won't go to the psychiatrist.
What?
Umm... 
I don't get any calls.
Karthik, are you lying to me?
Look me in the eyes.
You are lying to me!
You're lying, aren't you?
No, Shonali... 
I really... don't get any calls.
I was kidding.
You're lying to me, aren't you?
Yes.
Why don't you understand that I can't go to the psychiatrist?
Why not?
Because he said so!
I trust his judgement.
Following his advice has always benefited me.
Well, this time it won't!
I can't spend the rest of my life with an unstable man.
And anyway you prefer to spend your life with a phone...
Wait!
Fine!
I'll go.
These calls are your imagination, Karthik.
- Don't you believe me?
- It's not that I don't.
I believe that you think you get these calls but...
Karthik, I need to tell you something.
I think, I know what this is.
it's an uncommon psychological disorder.
It could be schizophrenia, causing the hallucinations.
In this condition, a man talks to people... who are only visible to him.
He thinks that these people are telling him something... through these calls, in your case.
But this is just a figment of imagination.
These... these aren't hallucinations.
it's in your mind.
These calls don't really come, Karthik.
Okay, tell me.
Have you received these calls when others are present?
No.
Ever wonder why you get these calls, only when you're alone?
Okay... have you tried finding out from where you get these calls?
I did go, to the telephone exchange.
- Okay and...
They said, I don't get any calls.
See?
I'm not imagining this!
Karthik, please let me help you.
You have to try some medication, you'll see the difference.
Medicines to cure what?
I'm... 
I am fine!
When do you get this call?
At five in the morning.
I don't do this usually, but I'm going to make an exception for you.
Can I come over to your place?
I want to see for myself that you get the call.
Sure!
Then you will know for sure, that this isn't my imagination.
And please tell Shonali that I'm not crazy!
Hello, good morning.
Is she here?
So... she turned pale when the phone rang?
Switch on the speakerphone.
Go on, talk to him.
- Hello...
- Hello, Dr Kapadia.
So tell me, you've known me all these years.
You should know by now, that I never lie.
If I said I exist, that means I do.
it's one of your friends, right?
How do I convince you, I really am Karthik?
I too am Karthik.
What can I say to convince you?
That you kept me waiting for an hour today?
That you took notes ten times during the session?
You checked your watch twice... and you didn't have change for thousand rupees?
Why can't you believe that I exist, damn it!
That my calls help?
That I've achieved somethíng... you and your therapy couldn't for years?
On the contrary, you're telling him that I don't exist.
That I am not real.
Karthik is like a child, Qr Kapadia.
He needs me.
You have children too, don't you?
How would you feel, if someone told them... that you don't exist?
That you aren't real?
Or if someone were to tell you that your kids...
Your kids are in school, aren't they?
You think they are safe there?
What?
She ran away?
You're telling me that your psychiatrist is also mad?
Why can't you just accept that this call is a part of my life?
Because, it's not possible, Karthik.
But, Dr Kapadia spoke with him.
Okay!
This isn't your imagination!
That means someone is making a fool out of you.
No.
I know what to do.
Don't be scared, I'm there with you.
Shona, do I look scared?
Whoever it is, we'll have him arrested.
Stop being absurd!
Oh really! 
I'm being absurd?
He said nobody would believe.
Who said that?
He did!
Don't answer it!
- What?
- Just leave it unanswered.
Have you ever ignored it?
You haven't, right?
Let's see what happens.
- But Shona...
- No, Karthik!
Let it ring!
Let's see what happens.
He will call for a couple of days and stop.
Shonali, he'll feel bad.
And if you answer, then I will.
Just let it ring!
- l have to answer it...
- Don't answer, Karthik.
Don't worry.
it's not like someone is going to step out and kill you.
I'm sorry.
Actually, sir... these bills have been pending for three months.
-The lights were on, so thought you might be awake.
I need to leave, Karthik.
Are you okay?
Did you answer the phone?
Sweetheart...
Don't answer the calls and everything will be alright.
Everything will be ruined!
No, it won't!
Why don't you understand that I'm nothing without the calls?
That's not true, Karthik.
You are an intelligent and fun guy.
No, I'm not!
Did you even notice me before?
Did it ever matter to you if I were alive or not?
It mattered to him.
He became my friend, my guardian, my guide... he fixed everything!
You are a part of my life because of him.
And now you have a problem with him?
See!
Now you don't want to be with me.
He said you wouldn't understand.
What do you want me to understand?
Do you know who he is, where he lives... his whereabouts...
How does it matter?
He has helped me a lot.
And I will talk to him.
Shona... I need to speak to him.
How can I keep you happy without his help?
Please...
You need help, Karthik.
He is the help, Shona.
I will talk to him...
Are you with me?
You were right.
No one will understand.
I shouldn't have told anyone.
Hello... 
Karthik...
I'm sorry, I didn't...
You made a big mistake, Karthik.
Very big!
Didn't I warn you?
Not to tell anyone.
Yet you did!
I told you not to see the psychiatrist... but you actually brought her home!
and then... yesterday you crossed the limits!
You didn't answer my call.
My call!
?
How dare you?
Now you'll have to pay for it?
Do you think that if I can take you to the top... I can't bring you down?
Just watch as I ruin your life in a flash!
Please... 
listen to me...
- You...
- You are finished!
Now...
I'm going to bring you down!
You took Shonali's advice, didn't you?
Just wait.
You are finished, Karthik.
finished!
Karthik, please listen to me.
You never let me speak... please...
Hello... hello... hello...
Sir, hurry up, Mr Kamath is waiting for you.
Yes, sir?
Who the hell do you think you are?
You think you can blackmail me, you son of a bitch?
Sir, what happened?
You think, if you call me at night and... threaten me, I'll get scared?
No, sir... 
I didn't call you.
Don't lie to me!
I know it is you who called.
You threatened to tell my wife about my affairs!
You bastard!
No, sir.
I really didn't call.
Only you knew about it.
You think I don't recognise your voice?
It was you!
- Listen Karthik, you maybe very good... with your work, all your accounts and figures, but now you've gotten personal!
Sir... it wasn't me, sir...
It wasn't you?
Listen to me very carefully!
If you ever call my home again...
I'll bury you in cement in the basement of this very office.
I'll bury you, do you understand me?
You're finished!
home loan, pension plan, everything is finished!
You will never work in this industry again!
- Now you get out of my office...
- Sir, really...
Get out!
Get out of my office!
Yes, Mr Ratan...
- Karthik!
You called Mr Ratan and told him... that the Thane land is illegal.
No, sir... 
I didn't call him.
Because of you, I have lost eight hundred million!
Can you understand me?
Eight hundred million!
They're suing us, you son of a bitch!
We're ruined!
I'm going to kill you right here.
- Sir...
- Right here, I'm going to kill you.
- Sir...
- Sir... sir, stop it...
Leave me!
Security, remove him from the premises!
How could you, Karthik?
How could you say all those things?
What did I say?
As if you don't know!
Karthik, you called me a slut and a prostitute!
You said I've been with everyone in the office...
When did I say that?
Who told you I said that?
Who?
You did, Karthik, last night on the phone.
You made fun of me.
You accused me!
You mocked all the private feelings I shared with you, only you.
I didn't call you, Shona.
Believe me that was him!
You think I'm stupid?
It was you, Karthik.
And you know what... I never want to see your face again!
I can't believe I thought you were special!
Now you'll pay for your actions?
You are finished, Karthik.
finished!
Sir, the card was declined.
What?
it's a debit card, not a credit card.
How can it be declined?
Whatever!
The payment didn't go through.
Sir, your account has zero balance.
You have no money!
But all my savings were in that account.
Yesterday there was a balance of about one and half million.
Sir, last night, using the telebanking service... you transferred all your funds.
How is that possible?
- Sir, through telebanking.
- You verify your password, your PIN number, your... I know what telebanking is!
Where has my money been transferred to?
Sir, you transferred it to... umm... a Foundation for Children Fund.
I do donate five thousand to that account, every month... but I didn't transfer everything.
Sir, you transferred everything yesterday.
Now I'm going to take it all back, Karthik!
Now...
I'm going to bring you down!
I'm going to bring you down!
You are finished, Karthik.
finished!
Excuse me... can you do me a favour, please?
Will you buy a ticket for me?
- To where?
-Any city... but don't tell me which city.
Here is the money.
Just tell me the platform number, please.
You need to get off here.
Can you help me alight?
Excuse me... please give him a hand...
- Here's the rickshaw.
- Thank you...
- It's alright.
Take me to a small hotel...
- Which one?
- Any hotel will do.
Welcome, sir.
Okay, sir...
Thank you.
- Good morning, sir.
- Good morning.
How much for two weeks?
Single room, daily six hundred fifty rupees.
Eight thousand rupees for two weeks.
Discount price, sir.
Here's ten thousand.
Do me a favour.
Disconnect the phone in my room and remove it.
Also remove all the stationery.
The TV too and also the room number sign.
Don't deliver the newspaper, please.
Don't disturb me at all.
Deliver the meals to the room.
Now even I don't know where l am... so how will he?
Here... I hope you like the food...
Of course, I do.
- I'll leave now.
- Bye.
What brought about this sadness...
Oh heart of mine... and with it such painful loneliness...
Oh heart of mine...
Every step the silence of the memories _ream...
The eyes ache with sorrow, but shed no tear...
Oh answer... why is it so?
Why forsakes me, the bright glow?
What brought about this sadness...
Oh heart of mine...
People... they come and go...
You know... it's always been so...
Everyone left, they're here no more...
How does it help to cry yourself sore?
They remember you no more...
Letting go is the only cure...
Or with me...
This agony, you too can endure...
Trust me...
Oh heart of mine... forget the past...
It's never meant to last?
What brought about this sadness...
Goodbyes hurt most when you don't get to say them.
It wasn't my fault, Shonali.
- Hello...
- Hi, this is Dr Kapadia here.
- Hello...
- Hi, this is Dr Kapadia here.
Sorry to disturb you in the office but... but I need to meet Karthik.
Do you know where he is?
- No... umm...
- actually, I've been trying to contact him but...
- l have no idea where he is.
Okay.
Okay, can you please call me if you hear from him?
- Yes, Of course.
Thanks... bye.
-Thank you very much.
- Welcome, sir.
- And thanks to you also.
- Thank you, sir.
I really appreciate your help.
Thank you very much.
Well done, Karthik.
You handled that like a pro.
Thank you, sir.
Actually, you know, you are over qualified for this job.
You should be some where else in a bigger firm...
No, sir... 
I like it here.
Peace of mind is essential and I found it here in Cochin.
You're one strange fellow.
And I keep telling you that!
- Karthik...
- Yes, sir.
- Sit... sit...
- No, sir... it's okay.
I'm going to Dubai next week and I need to be in touch with you.
We'll be in touch on email, sir.
I need you to get a phone.
Karthik?
- Phone, Karthik...
- Sir... it's not necessary, sir.
What do you mean?
You neither have a mobile nor a landline.
No, no... 
I insist!
You have to get a phone.
Please, sir, I don't want a phone.
Sir, I have a problem with mobiles.
Then get a landline!
- Landline, sir?
- Karthik...
I'm not asking you, I'm telling you.
You said you want payment in cash, I agreed.
You said you won't travel, I agreed.
You said you won't go to the Mumbai head office, I agreed.
Won't you agree to this request?
Come on, get a landline, quick!
- Yes, we will allot the number now... but the wireman will come tomorrow.
We are out of handsets, you'll need to buy your own.
Please do me a favour.
Don't print my number in the directory.
I want to keep it private.
Mention it in the form and it will be done.
And don't even tell me the number.
But it will be printed on the bill.
Then don't send the bill.
What?
If you wish, I'll pay the yearly charge in advance.
I don't want a bill.
Actually, I don't want to know the number either.
You could write it on a paper.
Sir, my telephone number.
Sir... please don't tell anyone.
Not even me.
- You don't know your own number?
- No, sir.
You really are strange!
Why are you thinking so much?
- You're selecting a phone, not a bride!
I don't get any calls.
Only if you buy a phone, will you know if anyone calls.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Everything is fine now, Shonali.
I'm free from the calls.
Sorry for what happened.
Maybe some day we can be together again.
- Kavita...
- Yes?
Can you please book me a ticket to Mumbai for tomorrow?
Hi... 
I'm Shonali.
Hi, Shonali, I'm Shweta.
When you called you said, you've news about Karthik.
In fact I just received an email today, after a long time.
Okay, I need you to tell me something.
Sure!
Did Karthik have a brother?
Of course not.
And you're sure about this?
Absolutely!
I met his sister, his cousin sister.
She told me a lot about him.
Karthik is an only child.
He has no brother.
My suspicions were aroused.
About what?
Since childhood he has been disturbed.
Karthik thought he had a brother.
And he came to me, due to the guilt about his death but... his brother wasn't real.
I had to suffer Kumar's taunts, his anger everyday.
Mom and dad never believed that he troubled me.
They never believed me.
He never did anything in their presence.
Shonali...
Karthik is schizophrenic.
- Karthik's parents didn't believe him because... only Karthik saw his brother.
- He was imaginary.
How is it related to the phone calls?
the 'Karthik' who calls is imaginary.
A figment of his imagination.
Imagination?
But I've seen the phone ring!
I'm not saying the phone calls don't come .
All I'm saying is this person that Karthik talks to... is created by Karthik's mind.
Didn't you speak with him?
Exactly!
And I got fooled too.
But I kept wondering, how the voice I had heard... could be Karthik's.
And then a few days ago, I came across this.
- Please set time.
- Time set five a.m. Please record message.
Remember me, Karthik?
Did you think... that I'd let you be?
You're going to wish you were dead!
And now, I'm going to get you, Karthik.
I found you.
- Message saved.
- Karthik used to call himself?
Oh my God!
It has many amazing features.
Alarm, calendar, self reminder...
If you want to remember something... dial O-O-2-6 and record a message in your own voice.
This will be recorded on the handset.
- A reminder for anything.
- You can even set the timer.
Say you want a reminder at nine a.m. before leaving for work.
-The phone will ring at nine sharp!
- When you answer, you can hear the message.
If you wish, you can record a message for others too.
Please listen to me.
You never let me speak, please...
- Even if the phone is dead, the features will work.
- Because this phone works on batteries.
-And if you don't record a new message, it won't ring.
- Oh my God!
He needs help.
I need to get to him.
I need a flight to Cochin, a night flight will do.
- But where is he?
- His email contained the address of a courier company.
I'll figure out the rest.
- Our brain is unique, very complex.
- Things we want to remember...
- what we think about, talk about...
- get stored in one part of the mind.
- the conscious mind.
-And those little things, that we don't really focus on...
- what we see, hear but can't remember...
- are stored in another part.
- the subconscious mind.
- The subconscious mind is a very strange thing.
- Everything is stored there.
- It knows how we think...
- what we think, what questions we'll ask...
What do you want to know?
The colour of your socks?
- Our personal things, our secrets...
Your bank PIN number is 1-2-7-6.
- It's because the conscious and subconscious mind...
- are both present in the same brain.
Wife?
Why did you call on this number?
I already told you... when I come to Delhi, I'll visit Bunty's school.
- Several different personalities can exist in one brain.
- In Karthik's case, the other Karthik who calls.
- His alter ego...
- and Karthik probably doesn't know this.
- No one knows how severe this problem can be.
- the mind can act in very twisted ways.
- It's very rare but...
- l think Karthik could actually be...
- suffering from multiple mental disorders, Shonali.
Hello...
Remember me, Karthik?
Did you think... that I'd let you be?
You thought you were safe from me?
No, Karthik.
Now you are finished.
See how I ruin your life.
You're going to wish you were dead, Karthik.
Did you think... that I wouldn't find you in Cochin?
Guess what?
You were wrong.
Again!
I found you
And now, I'm going to get you.
With you I am, by your side...
Not a memory, you cast by the wayside...
I'm always around...
Be there gladness or sorrow...
Every moment, I have you with me...
This is how it was meant to be...
At every corner and every step...
I'm there, in every breath...
With you I'll always abide...
I'm always around...
Be there gladness or sorrow...
Believe it or not, you are my own...
It's time you realise my being...
Time you accept you need me...
I just can't let you be...
I complete you, why can't you see?
I'm always around...
Be there gladness or sorrow...
Believe it or not, you are my own...
Hello...
Yes, Dr Kapadia...
Karthik...
Karthik?
it's Dr Kapadia for you.
- Karthik, You need to do this.
Hello...
- Karthik...
- l thought, I'd call and wish you.
- Happy Birthday!
Thank you.
- How have you been?
I'm better, thanks.
- You're coming over to see me on Monday, aren't you?
Yes... absolutely.
- Great! 
Take care.
- Happy birthday, once again.
Thanks.
Bye.

Hi. 
I'm Chuck and here are a few things you might need to know.
My dad must have left this for me.
Oh my God! 
I didn't think you could top abandoning me for the last 20 years... and then you shot me.
Sarah, my mom did something to me with that device.
My name is Alexei Volkoff.
I believe you were looking for me.
Sarah, I can't flash. 
The Intersect is gone.
Yowanted to see me, Alexei.
I've just had some disturbing news.
Agent Carmichael is still alive.
I'm as surprised as you are.
I was there.
We tied them up... planted explosives all around them... and yet, he survived.
It was my fault.
I underestimated him.
Let's tidy things up.
I'm assigning you my top assassins:
Pierre, Victor, Hercule.
Use them.
And, Frost... make certain he's really dead this time.
All right. 
Are you ready for this?
You and me, locked and loaded, training for hand-to-hand combat.
Absolutely, but remember I had six months of training in Prague.
This is different now.
This is Chuck unplugged.
Wow. 
It sounds kind of hard-core when you say it like that.
It's gonna be good. 
Honest, I'm-I'm mostly just scared about today, man. 
Black Friday?
This is the scariest shopping day of the ye.
Many a Buy More manager has fallen on this day.
Hey! 
Hey, hey, buddy, you're going to be just fine.
We'll learn a few moves;
you'll get through it.
All right, I'm pumped! 
I'm pump... hey!
Let's go in there and kick somserious ass.
All right, ladies.
Let's grab a pole and make that booty clap.
Morgan, what sort of hand-to-hand combat class did you sign us up for? 
Strip kick.
Yeah, it mixes the self-defense of Krav Maga with the intense core workout of pole dancing.
I saw an infomercial on it
All right, ladies... kick!
How's it going with you and Sarah?
Any uh, progress on "el proposalito"?
Well, I-I am working on something new. 
Duck!
Whoo! 
But, uh, I'm keeping it a little close to the st.
What?
! 
Are you serious?
Ju... 
Chuck, I'm a-I'm a- I'm a part-time spy, man, okay? 
I am a very, very serious keeper of secrets.
Jump!
Casey can never know about this. 
Never.
So how's the combat training going?
Well, Cinnamon's a tgh instructor, but I'm picking things up pretty quickly, I think.
Well, I am just happy to have you back.
Me, too. 
And you know what?
It's the best I've ft in a long time.
Good, good. 
I thought you might still be upset after Ellie and Awesome cancelled Thanksgiving dinner.
What? 
No, no, no, of course not.
They're doctors. 
It happens.
Besides, tight is our annual leftover dinner.
Just as delicious as Thanksgiving, without all the big-event stress.
Remember, Frost wants them killed at close range.
No sound.
I guess I was just a little worried, 'cause holidays are for family time, and... with everything that happened with your mother...
Well, I think I've developed a little perspective.
I mean, I'm ready to put the past behind me.
Really.
Don't sound so skeptical, all right?
If my mom were standing in front of me right now,
I honestly tnk I'd say, "All is forgiv,
"and good luck being an evil bad guy."
And, uh, speing of looking forward to the future...
Chuck, get down!
Wow. 
This stuff really works.
Sarah, I can't handle these guys without the Intersect.
I've only got the one move.
Uh, Sarah...
What?
Mom?
Come with me if you want to live.
Okay. 
Here we are safe.
Now you can start answering some of my questions.
We can't stay here.
Volkoff has contts in the CIA.
We have to move.
We should believe u, because last time usting you worked out so well.
Chuck, I didn't want to have to do the things I did.
Most people's momson't have to explain to their kids why they shot them, or tied them up and blew up their childhood home.
I didn't have a choice.
There's always a choice!
You coulchoose to let me know what your plan is.
Chuck, maybe we can step outside for a sond?
We're running out of...
No. 
You're not going anywhere.
What happened to putting the past behind you?
She just pushes my buttons, you know?
I mean, you want to be able to trust your mom, not worry that she's gonna shoot you in the face.
Which is why you suld stay out of this interrogation.
There is something that she's not telng us, and we're not going to get to the bottom of it with you in the room.
Sarah, I'm perfectly capable of doing...
BIG MIKE: 
This is what a successful Black Friday looks like.
You did it, son. 
I couldn't be prouder.
It was hairy there for a minute, but, like, we ran out of those Bondesen 7G Smartphones.
But you remembered what I taught you.
No phone? 
Sell them a head spa.
No head spa? 
Sell 'em a used phone.
Now...
I brout this for you.
Really? 
Just think of this as my fatherly love... in the form of fresh meatballs smothered in marinara with gooey delicious provolone melting all over.
Wow. 
That is just a terrible metaphor, you know, but I forgive yo 'cause it smells delicus.
You deserve it. 
Hey, all right.
I should go.
I'm getting a little misty.
Mmm. 
Yeah, okay.
Excuse me!
Can you help me?
Oh, geez, I'sorry, Miss.
We're-we're-wee closed.
Well, I just want to buy o of those 7G Smartphones.
Completely sold out of those. 
Please!
I'll do anything.
Uh, nothat I'm not flattered, but who has two thumbs and is taken?
Boom, This guy.
Okay. 
Happy holidays.
Okay.
This is our finest plan yet, Jeffrey- smartphones that can also send and receive calls.
I mean, people will do anything for these bad boys.
Who have you been talking to?
No one, no one, no one.
Stop being paranoid. 
Remember, this is not stealing.
This is pre-buying with funds at we do not have yet, which we will postpay when we sell these phones on eBay.
And then, my friend...
Use the profits to make our sweet demo.
Jeffster!
Yes! 
Yes! 
Yes! 
Yes! 
Yes!
Stop. 
Listen. 
I'm going to go check to see if the coast is clear and then we'll move these puppies out of here. 
Right?
Totally.
Knock, knock. 
Brought some carrots.
Rich in vitamin A and good for retinal development.
Thank you. 
We're starving.
I bet. 
You've been working on this nonstop since we found it.
Figure anything out? 
Well, more or less.
My dad left me a sort of... memory problem.
He was using therain to store data, but he was approaching it from an engineer's perspective, and human memory works differently than a computer.
So... a few adjustments, and 36 hours of MRIs later... voila!
Whoa, wait. 
Are you liing me you just solved the problem that your dad left you?
No, I solved it 20 minutes ago, and then suddenly his computer just locked off. 
Look!
"One or 11?"
What does that mean?
I tried puttg in each of the number I don't know.
It's ather mystery, courtesy of my dad.
Why would he leave this for me?
Uh... brain scans?
I mean, this i obviously spy-related.
ybe we should talk to Chuck.
No. 
I don't want to give him any reason to get back into that li.
What do you want to do?
I don't know.
Now, we know these men you shot were high-level Volkoff assassins.
So wt's your game here?
I was ordered to use those three to kill Chuck.
I had to shoot them to save Chuck's life.
Protecting him has always been my number-one priority.
Hello? 
Yeah, ask her how disabling the Intersect is about protecting me.
Are we really gonna do this right now?
I'm just saying if she's all about protecting me, tell her to explain that.
Fine.
So how was shutting off the Intersect meant to protect Chuck?
It was meant to stop him from following me.
Yes.
But then I went out on missions unprotected;
she's made me even more vulnerable.
I don't think this is helping right now.
Is that him?
Let me talk to him.
Here. u know, this is exactly why we didn't want you in this interrogation.
Let the grown-ups do their work.
Fine. 
I'm hanging up now.
Good. 
I'm glad. 
I'm gladder.
hone beeps)
Now, whe were we? 
Why don't you tell us what it is that you're really after.
Volkoff will know that they are dead, which means that he will be coming here for me.
We are not safe here.
Sarah, pick up the phone.
I was able to get what you wanted.
Fantastic.
Now, you said you're willing to do... anything for it.
First...
I need you to shave my back.
I can't reach the middle.
Thomas Jefferson Barnes!
Um, Jeffrey... what the hell are you doing?
!
Getting what I deserve.
Getting what you...? 
Really?
cuse me.
Listen to me. 
We can't afford to let strangers shave ur back, Jeffrey.
Not now when we're this close to making our drms come true.
You're so pretty.
I...
And we're secure.
Good work.
Now let's get what we came for.
Look there's something she's not telling us.
Well, you're not really doing yourself any favors by calling in thmiddle of the interrogation. 
I'm sorry.
If you want to go back in there, I promise
I'll stay off the phone.
One second.
I just gotta...
It's... 
I'm not calling you at least.
Hey, buddy, I can't really talk right now.
We're in the middle of a crisis here.
I don't know what kind of crisis you're in, Chuck, but mine's carrying AK-47s and just took over the store. 
Hey...
Alexei Volkoff.
lkoff? 
Did you just say Volkoff?
Volkoff is here?
!
Morgan, Morgan, hey, hey, I need you hide and do not come out until...
MorganI think Volkoff just cut off our cell phones.
That's always Volkoff's first move- kill all communications.
Hmm... 
What-what are we gonna do?
!
Moan is still up there.
Lucky for us, this is a state-of-the-art CIA facility.
We're fully prepared for an internal attack.
You've less than a minute. 
Impress me.
Okay, let's do some damage.
Attention members of the CIA.
You've killed three of my men and captured my best agent.
I'm here to get her ba.
Keep talking, commie. 
It's party te.
CASEY Mr. Volkoff, exit the Buy More now.
K.K., go.
Weapons system online.
Better dead thaned.
Weapons disabled.
Casey, what's happening?
Must've hacked into the system.
My guns are do.
Unrstand... this is not a negotiation.
Give me Frost or I'll kill you all, starting with the fat man and the Indian.
God!
Prress?
Our scans revealed a hidden elevar shaft behind the Home Theater Room, but K.K. can't seem to override the system, and it's three feet ofarbide steel.
Start cutting.
Okay, good news-bad news:
Jeff and Lester are about to die.
I'd say that's bad news.
Good news: 
I've manual locke down all entrances to Castle.
Bad news: we're sitting ducks down here.
They're cutting in through e elevator shaft.
They'll be down here in an hour.
Now we have one option.
The Buy More defenses have a manual override. 
They're buried deep in the access tunnels here.
If we can patch in there, we can override the lockdo.
Bring our defenses back up.
Right. 
Now you two stay down here with mama.
When Volkoff calls to negotiate, buy me some time.
I don't get it. 
Why would Volkoff pull off a full-on assault on a CIA facility for a one agent? 
He's got to be after something bigger.
Yeah, well, whatever it is, there's something my mom's not telling us.
I'm not lying. 
He wants me.
You're saying he'll take on the entire CIA, risk his whole organization for one agent?
He...
I need to know that Frost is still alive.
Put her on the phone.
Chuck, you have to turn me over to him.
Please tst me.
I don't.
Volkoff, this is Chars Carmichael.
I'm the onlyne you'll be speaking with.
Charles, so good to hear your voice again.
Now, I know how scared you must be, cut off from help with a madmaclosing in on you.
So let me offer you a simple suggestion:
hand Frost the damn phone!
I think he wants to talk to you.
Alexei, I'm here.
Frost... thank God.
Are they treating you all right?
I'm fine.
Did they feed you?
Yes.
Was it good?
It was delicious.
You tell them they'd better continue tating you well or I'll make life very uncomfortable for them very soon.
Tell them that I'm not leaving here without you, my love.
Wh...?
What...? 
My love?
!
What does that mean?
It means that Alexei Volkoff... is in love with me.
He's in love with you?
!
He called you "My love."
Who exactly is Volkoff to you?
!
Is he your boyfriend?
Is he the reason you left Dad?
No.
Alexei and I have never been together.
It's just he... he's in love with me, that's all.
That'sll?
! 
Got it! 
Got it! 
Great!
No, you don't get it.
Sarah, explain to him.
If you were working undercover with the world's biggest psychopath, d that psychopath falls in love with you...
That would make me a major intelligence asset.
I see.
So that's why you've been gone from my life sin I was nine?
!
Chuck, I'm a spy.
It was my mission.
You've been close to Volkoff for years.
Why didn't you just take him out?
My mission was to take down the network, not the man.
Which is something I still might be able to do.
But if you want to save yourself and ur friends, then you need to turn me over to him.
You have no choice.
Chuck, wait.
Hey, are you okay?
How can I trust anything she says?
ery time that I do, I wind up getting shot or almost blown up.
I haven't been stabbed yet.
Chuck, going undercover for so long and staying loyal is am extremely hard thing to do as a spy.
I mean, I got lucky; 
I was assigned to you.
Your mom got Volkoff.
Do you think Volkoff really is in love with her?
If he,
I bet he would rather negotiate with us than risk her getting hurt.
Sarah, I might be mad at my mom, like, really, really mad, but I'm never going to hurt her.
Yeah, you and I both know that, but Volkoff doesn't.
It might help us to buy more time for Casey
Cay!
Morgan, what the hell are you doing in here?
Where are your shoes?
It's kind of a funny story, actually.
I was sitting...
Never mind about the shoes.
Now listen, where are Chk and Sarah?
And what the hell is going on here?
Volkoff's taken control of the Buy More.
He's captured Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dumber.
He's got 'em tied up in the storage area.
He's gonna kill 'em if we don't give h Chuck's mom.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
He's got Jeff and Lester? 
Mm-hmm.
We gotta save 'em! 
If we don't get those guns up and working, we're all gonna be killed.
No, no, no, you're absolutely right.
Okay, I'llo.
Okay, you get the guns up and running, and I'll save Jeff and Lester.
Morgan, that's a stupid idea.
Maybe, but I'm not gonna sit here on all fours and watch those two die, okay?
Now wi me luck.
Wait!
You might need that.
That's good thinking.
The muzzle! 
Right, I got it. 
I got it.
Yes, Charles?
You want Frost, and we have her.
Now, if you do what we ask,
I'll make sure that she doesn't get hurt.
But if you don't do what we ask, then bad things are going to happen to her.
Very bad things.
Like...
Well, just very bad things.
We'll leave it at that.
Is that a threat?
Let me show you something.
This is a thermite-TH3 incendiary explosive.
When it's detonated, the temperatures will exceed 4,000 degreeFahrenheit.
Metal will boil.
I'm gonna drop it down the elevator shaft, and it will incinerate every single one of you, including my beled Frost.
I'd rather she died than have to live without me.
Give her back to me, and I'll let you live.
That's how you threaten someone, Charles.
So much for buying Casey more time.
Hey, you came for me.
Mm. 
Thank you.
No time to talk, Grimes.
We were supposed to sell these.
What is wrong with those guys?
Tell your men to back off.
Don't be afrd.
I told you I'd let you live, and I meant it.
But you should know...
I have your friend, Casey.
Put down your weapons.
Frost.
Thank u for coming for me.
I had no choice.
Now, there is just one small matter to deal with.
Chuck.
What happened to letting us go?
!
I lied.
But in my defense, you threatened the woman I love.
Frost, I hopyou feel this is a romantic gesture.
Alexei, you can't!
Why not? 
You like mance.
Because...
Charles is my son.
Really?
Really.
Really?
Really.
Really?
!
Really!
So this is why he isn't dead.
I'm sorry, Alexei.
My one weakness is my love for my son.
And he knows this and uses it against me.
Don't be hard on yourself.
We always expect the best from the ones we love, and rarely get it.
Why didn't you tell me?
Alexei, you run a multinational criminal organization.
There's no room for family.
Especially family that works for the CIA.
What did you think I was going to do?
Sir, there's an incoming call on the Buy More lines...
Shut up!
...from an Ellie Bartowski.
Any relation, this Ellieartowski,
Mr. Bartowski?
Yeah.
No.
No, ye-yeah... uh, disnt, distant relative, who-who... 
Sh-She's like, she lives in Alaska, I think.
Come to think of it, she's in Bangladesh.
You don't want, u don't want to...
Chuck? 
That's not necessary. 
Please don't...
Hey, it's me. 
Are you coming for dinner tonight?
I'm kind of, uh, I'm kind of tied up here at wor sis.
No, you have to come;
I have so much food here, and we didn't get to have a family Thanksgiving dinner this year.
It'd be fun. 
Please?
I'll try my best.
Okay, great. 
I'll see you soon.
VOLKOF So... a son and a daughter.
You didn't think I could have a relationship with your family?
Kids love me.
I'll prove you wrong.
Charles...
Chuck.
(muffled yel
Call your sister back.
Tell her you're coming to dinner.
I know it's tough; we just have to be calm.
You just brought a psychotic killer back to your pregnant daughter's house.
Considering the circumstances,
I'd say I'm pretty damn calm right now.
Everhing's gonna be fine.
You'll just have to trust me on this.
Yeah, I've heard that before.
Alexei, you do understand that my daughter and her husband are civilians?
Of course.
I don't want to frighten your family.
I just want to get to know them.
Hi!
Mom?
Yeah, remember I was telling you
I was going to bring some surprise guests? 
So... surpri!
Hey.
I'm Devon, your... your son-in-law.
Hey...
Come on in. 
Hello.
Nice to meet you.
Chk, I want you to have fun tonit.
But if I get the feeling that you're plotting against me...
I need this dinner to be perfect, understand?
Yeah, I think we do.
I think you don't.
If it isn't perfect,
I will take it out on the people you love
Well, this has been quite the surprise.
I can't remember the last time we had you here for Thanksgiving, Mom.
It was 1990.
You were 12.
Chuck was nine.
The turkey was overcooked.
That's right.
That's right. 
I remember that.
I, however, thought that theurkey tasted fine.
So, uh, Alexei, you-you work with my mom. 
Can I...?
I mean, am I allowed to ask what happened to her?
Well, it's complicated.
Let me explain.
Well, Ellie, in our business, sometimes good people get confused for bad, and... the bad for good.
But fortunately, ing your mother's handler,
I was able to help convince the CIA that she is good.
Right, Sarah?
Right. 
Absolutely.
And that's why your mother is free to go now.
Well, that'sood news, right?
Oh, yeah.
I know how painful it was for your mother when she had to leave you all thosyears ago.
And I know how painful it must have been for you, too.
And your brother.
Thank you for helping our mom.
You can't imagine what you've done for this family.
Families come first.
Come on, think, Morgan, think.
There's no Chuck, no Sarah.
It's up to you to save them.
How? 
How?
Okay? 
Yeah.
Okay, a movie. 
Movie.
Yes!
Gosh. 
Um...
ELLI Three words.
Hey, buddy, you having a good time?
Are you kidding?
This Alexei is totally awesome.
First guy I've met who's free-climbed K2, no oxygen.
Hard core, bro.
Yeah, yeah, he's something else, isn't he?
You know what else he is?
An international arms dealer and a very, very bad man.
We're in terrible danger right now.
Don't freak out.
Bourne Identity!
No!
Ah!
So close. 
Dude... this is not funny.
Well, it's also not a joke, Devon, okay?
Kangar.
Paw. 
Paw.
I didn't want to have to tell u this, but I'm spying again, and I really need your help.
Batman Forever?
Wrong again, Charles.
You really should make some guesses, otherwise, it looks suspicious.
Uh, Bourne Identity!
I just said that.
Whatever, man. 
I'm freaking here.
What are you thinking, bringing this guy home?
Look, I'm sorry, okay? 
It not my fault.
It wasn't my decision.
Lo, Sarah and I can't make a move without settg off Alexei's alarm bells, but you're a civilian, okay?
He won't suspect you of anything.
Devon, I know you're the world's worst liar, but right no..
I need you to be awesome.
What do you want me to do?
Hey. 
Looks like we're out of sugar.
Hey, Chuck.
You got any at your place?
Just getting some sugar.
Cold.
CIA emergency alert activated.
Wow. 
That is surprisingly soothing.
Got the sugar.
Oh, nice.
I'll takthat.
Shouldn't your cell phone be ringing?
Huh? 
Right.
Huh. 
It's the hospital.
Hello?
Uh-huh. 
Yeah, yeah.
Well, if you need us, we'll be right there.
What is it?
There was a bus accident on the 101- code blue.
They need all the hands they can get.
Oh, God.
I'm so sorry that we have to take off like this.
It was a wonderful evening.
Go save some lives. 
Okay.
It was great to see you, Mom.
Talk to you soon.
Okay. 
Okay.
Bye.
See you soon.
Such a sad end to a wonderful evening.
You had to go and alert the CIA, didn't you?
Don't move.
You do knothat the nearest tactical response team is over ten minutes away.
Until then, anything could happen.
Drop it, Sarah.
Mom, seriously?
You're betraying me again?
No! 
Stop! 
Alexei, we've had our dinner.
You'veet the family.
Wee leaving.
But what kind of potential father-in-law would I be if I didn't set an example?
Chuck has to learn you make a threat, you follow tough on it.
I don't really have to do that, but...
I just really likehe sound.
Alexei, stop.
My love?
What are y doing?
This is exactly why I didn't tell you about my family.
You don't know how to love someone.
You only know how to control them.
But you should know that I could never love a man who would do anything to hurt my son.
So drop it.
Alexei, you know that I am loyal to you, but I will not return with you until you promise me that my family and their friends will remain safe
And if they don't...
I will end you.
You see?
That is a real threat.
Chuck, I'm sorry for everything.
I hope someday you'll trust me.
Mom.
I already do.
Hey, guys.
I surrender.
I surrender.
Yippee ki-yay.
Yippee ki...
Hey.
Yippee ki-yay...
Yip...
Okay.
I surrenr.
You're free to go.
What? 
What?
Volkoff's orders. 
We'rout.
What should we do with these two?
What's going on?
You two have some sort of orgy in here last night?
I don't think... 
Yes.
Tell me you weren't planning on selling these phones on eBay.
Depend..
on what you mean by eBay.
Then, you wouldn't have any problem getting th back out on the sales floor.
Let's say ten minutes?
And get them band stickers off them boxes.
I wish I would have trusted my mom instead of being so angry with her the whole time.
And now... she's gone.
And she can't come back- not until Volkoff is destroyed.
He knows too much.
She's the only thing keeping us safe right now.
Hey, bro. 
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Sure.
Uh... hey. 
Wt's up?
Wh the hell were you thinking?
Not only are you spying again, but you bring it back to our apartment?
I had to lie to Ellie out the hospital, and I hate lying.
I'm sorry, okay? 
I
- I-I really am.
I was trying to protect my mom, and things went sideways.
Stop. 
Okay? 
Just stop.
I don't want to know.
I don't want this spy stuff near Ellie ever again.
Never. 
Never, ever again.
And she doesn't want it near you, either. 
Understand?
So this convsation never took place.
Devon, this is one of my father's laptops.
How did you...? 
He it it for Ellie.
It was broken, and we fixed it.
There's something on it- brain scans.
Some memory problem that Ellie figured out.
What do... what does it mean?
I don't want to know, and neither does Ellie, but if you're spying again, maybe it can helyou.
Are you sure you want to do this?
Look, I'm not even sure what's on this thing, but if I'm right... then yes.
Let's get this over with.
"One or 11?"
What does that mean?
Well, it's the value of an ace in blackjack, but...
There was something my dad used to say to me.
Chuck?
I'm okay.
Guys, I know kung fu... again.

CHUCK: 
Hi. 
Here are a few things you might need to know.
ELLIE:
My dad must have left this for me.
Oh, my God.
I didn't think you could top abandoning me for 20 years.
Then you shot me.
Sarah, my mom did something to me with that device.
[CHUCK GASPS]
My name is Alexei Volkoff.
I believe you were looking for me.
Sarah, I can't flash. 
The Intersect is gone.
[MOZART'S "DIES IRAE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
You wanted to see me, Alexei?
I've just had some disturbing news.
Agent Carmichael is still alive.
I'm as surprised as you are.
I was there.
We tied them up.
Planted explosives all around them.
And yet he survived.
[VOLKOFF LAUGHS]
It was my fault.
I underestimated him.
Let's tidy things up.
These are my top assassins in North America.
Pierre, Victor, Hercule.
Use them.
And, Frost?
Make certain he's really dead this time.
MORGAN: 
Are you ready for this? 
You and me, training for hand-to-hand combat.
Absolutely. 
Remember, I had six months of training in Prague.
Now this is Chuck unplugged.
Sounds hardcore when you say it like that.
It's gonna be good.
I'm mostly just scared about today.
Black Friday?
The scariest shopping day of the year.
- Many a manager has fallen on this day.
- You're gonna be just fine.
- We'll learn moves, you'll get through it.
- I'm pumped.
Let's go in there and kick some serious ass.
Get up on the floor And show 'em all why
They gonna need sticky paper...
INSTRUCTOR:
All right, ladies let's grab a pole and make that booty clap.
Strip Kick.
Mixes the self-defense of Krav Maga with the core workout of pole dancing.
I saw an infomercial on it.
[LADY GAGA'S "BAD ROMANCE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
All right, ladies, kick!
How's it going with you and Sarah?
Any progress on el proposalito?
Well, I am working on something new.
Duck!
Whoo! 
But I'm keeping it close to the vest.
What? 
Are you serious?
Chuck, I'm a part-time spy, man, okay?
I am a very, very serious keeper of secrets.
Jump!
- Casey can never know about this.
- Never.
SARAH:
So how's the combat training going?
Ha, ha. 
Cinnamon's a tough instructor, but I'm picking things up quickly.
Well, I am just happy to have you back.
Me too. 
And you know what?
It's the best I've felt in a long time.
Good. 
I thought you might be upset after Ellie and Awesome canceled dinner.
What? 
No, no, no. 
Of course not.
They're doctors, it happens.
Besides, tonight is our annual leftover dinner.
Just as delicious as Thanksgiving without all the big-event stress.
Let it snow Let it snow
Remember, Frost wants them killed at close range.
No sound.
I guess I was just a little worried because the holidays are for family time.
With everything that happened with your mother...
CHUCK:
Well, I've developed a little perspective.
I'm ready to put the past behind me.
Really?
Ha, ha.
Don't sound so skeptical, all right?
If my mom were standing in front of me, I honestly think I'd say:
"All is forgiven and good luck being an evil bad guy."
And, uh, speaking of looking forward to the future...
[KNIFE CLICKS]
Chuck, get down.
[GRUNTING]
Wow, that stuff really works.
Sarah, I can't handle these guys without the Intersect. 
I only got that one move!
Sarah?
[SILENCED GUNSHOTS]
Mom?
Come with me if you wanna live.
CHUCK: 
Okay, we're here, we're safe.
Start answering some of my questions.
We can't stay here. 
Volkoff has contacts in the CIA. 
We have to move.
We should believe you.
Last time, trusting you worked out well.
Chuck, I didn't want to have to do the things I did.
Most moms don't have to explain to their kids why they shot them.
Or tied them up and blew up their home.
- I didn't have a choice.
- There's always a choice.
You could choose to let me...
Chuck, maybe we can step outside for a second?
- We're running out of...
- Ah. 
You're not going anywhere.
What happened to putting the past behind you?
You wanna be able to trust your mom, not worry she'll shoot you in the face.
Which is why you should stay out of this.
There is something she's not telling us and we're not gonna get to it with you.
I'm perfectly capable of doing this...
[CHUCK GROANS]
MIKE: 
This is what a successful Black Friday looks like.
You did it, son. 
I couldn't be prouder.
It was hairy for a minute, but...
- Like, we ran out of 7G smartphones.
- But you remembered what I taught you.
No phone? 
Sell them a head spa.
No head spa? 
Sell them a used phone.
- Heh, heh. 
Exactly.
- Now I brought this for you.
- Really?
Just think of this as my fatherly love in the form of fresh meatballs smothered in marinara with gooey delicious provolone melting all over it.
Wow, that is just a terrible metaphor heh, heh, but I forgive you because it smells delicious.
- You deserve it.
- Okay. 
All right.
I should go. 
I'm getting a little misty.
- Yeah.
- All right.
Okay.
Excuse me? 
Can you help me?
Oh, jeez. 
I'm sorry, miss. 
We're closed.
Well, I just wanna buy one of those 7G smartphones.
- Completely sold out of those.
- Please.
I'll do anything.
Uh, not that I'm not flattered, but who has two thumbs and is taken?
[POPPING]
Boop. 
This guy. 
Okay. 
Happy holidays.
[SIGHS]
[WHISPERS] Okay.
LESTER:
This is our finest plan yet, Jeffrey.
Smartphones that can also send and receive calls?
I mean, people will do anything for these bad boys.
- Who have you been talking to?
- Stop being paranoid.
Remember, this is not stealing.
This is pre-buying with funds we don't have which we will post-pay when we sell these phones on eBay.
And then, my friend?
Use the profits to make our demo.
Jeffster!
[BOTH BABBLING]
LESTER:
Yes, yes, yes!
Stop. 
Listen.
I'm gonna go see if the coast is clear, then we'll move these out of here.
Totally.
Knock, knock. 
Brought some carrots.
Rich in vitamin A, good for retinal development.
- Thank you. 
I'm starving.
- I bet.
You've been working on this nonstop.
- You figure anything out?
- Well, more or less.
My dad left a sort of memory problem.
He was using the brain to store data.
He was approaching it from an engineer's perspective.
Human memory works differently.
So a few adjustments and 36 hours of MRls later voilá.
Wait, are you telling me you just solved the problem your dad left you?
No. 
I solved it 20 minutes ago and then, suddenly, his computer just locked off. 
Look.
DEVON:
"One or 11?"
What does that mean?
I tried putting in each of the numbers.
Another mystery, courtesy of my dad.
Why would he leave this for me?
Brain scans?
I mean, this is obviously spy-related.
We should talk to Chuck.
No. 
I don't wanna give him any reason to get back into that life.
What do you wanna do?
[SIGHS]
I don't know.
We know these men were high-level Volkoff assassins.
So, what's your game here?
I was ordered to use those three to kill Chuck.
I had to shoot them to save Chuck's life.
Protecting him has always been my number-one priority.
[PHONE RINGING]
SARAH [OVER PHONE]: 
Hello?
- Ask her how disabling the Intersect is about protecting me.
- Are we gonna do this now?
I'm just saying. 
Tell her to explain that.
Fine.
[SARAH SIGHS]
So how was shutting off the Intersect meant to protect Chuck?
It was meant to stop him from following me.
[PHONE RINGING]
- Yes?
- I went out on missions unprotected.
She's made me more vulnerable.
- I don't think this is helping.
- Is that him?
- Let me talk to him.
- Here.
This is why we didn't want you in this interrogation.
- Let the grown-ups do their work.
- Fine. 
Hanging up now.
- Good. 
I'm glad.
- I'm gladder.
- Huh. 
Where were we?
- Tell us what it is that you're really after.
Volkoff will know that they are dead, which means he will come here for me.
We are not safe here.
[PHONE RINGING]
CHUCK:
Sarah? 
Sarah, pick up the phone.
I was able to get what you wanted.
Fantastic.
Now, you said you were willing to do anything for it.
First I need you to shave my back.
I can't reach the middle.
LESTER:
Thomas Jefferson Barnes.
Hey, Jeffrey what are you doing?
- Getting what I deserve.
Getting what you...? 
Real...?
Excuse me. 
Listen to me.
We can't afford to let strangers shave your back, Jeffrey.
Not now, when we're this close to making our dreams come true.
You're so pretty.
I...
And we're secure.
MAN 1: 
Come on, guys.
Come on. 
Right over there.
MAN 2: 
Bring it in.
MAN 3: 
Let's move.
MAN 4:
Yeah.
Good work.
Now let's get what we came for.
MAN 1:
Line them up together.
MAN 2:
This way.
There's something she's not telling us.
You're not doing yourself any favors by calling.
I'm sorry. 
If you wanna go back in, I promise I'll stay off the phone.
[PHONE RINGING]
One sec. 
I just gotta...
It's... 
I'm not calling you. 
Just... 
Morgan.
I can't really talk.
We're in the middle of a crisis here.
I don't know what crisis you're in.
But mine's carrying AK-47 s.
They just took over the store.
[OVER PHONE] Hey. 
Did you...? 
Chuck? 
Chuck?
- Alexei Volkoff.
- Did you just say Volkoff?
- Volkoff is here?
- Morgan, I need you to hide.
Do not come out until I... 
Morgan?
[STATIC CRACKLING OVER PHONE]
Volkoff cut off our cell phones.
That's always Volkoff's first move, kill all communications.
Hmm.
What are we gonna do?
Morgan is still up there.
Lucky for us, this is a state-of-the-art CIA facility.
Fully prepared for an internal attack.
We've less than a minute. 
Impress me.
Okay, let's do some damage.
Attention, members of the CIA.
You've killed three of my men and captured my best agent.
I'm here to get her back.
Keep talking, commie. 
It's party time.
CASEY [OVER PA]:
Mr. Volkoff, exit the Buy More now.
K.K., go.
AUTOMATED VOICE [OVER PA]:
Weapons system online.
Better dead than red.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Weapons disabled.
Casey, what's happening?
Must have hacked in. 
My guns are down.
Understand, this is not a negotiation.
Give me Frost or I'll kill you all starting with the fat man and the Indian.
God.
Progress?
Scans revealed an elevator shaft behind the home-theater room.
K.K. Can't seem to override the system and it's 3 feet of carbide steel.
[VOLKOFF SIGHS]
Start cutting.
CHUCK:
Okay, good news, bad news.
Jeff and Lester are about to die, bad news.
Good news, I've manually locked down all entrances to Castle.
Bad news, we're sitting ducks down here.
They're cutting in through the elevator shaft.
Now, we have one option.
The defenses have a manual override.
They're buried deep in the access tunnels.
We can override the lockdown, bring our defenses back up.
Now, you two stay down here with Mama B.
When Volkoff calls to negotiate, buy me some time.
Why would Volkoff pull off an assault on a CIA facility for one agent?
- He's gotta be after something bigger.
- Well, whatever it is there's something my mom's not telling us.
I'm not lying. 
He wants me.
He'll take on the entire CIA, risk his whole organization, for one agent?
He...
[OVER SPEAKERPHONE] I need to know that Frost is still alive.
Put her on the phone.
Chuck, you have to turn me over to him.
Please trust me.
I don't.
This is Charles Carmichael.
I'm the only one you'll be speaking with.
Charles.
So good to hear your voice again.
Now, I know how scared you must be cut off from help with a madman closing in on you.
So let me offer you a simple suggestion.
Hand Frost the damn phone!
[WHISPERING] He wants to talk to you.
Alexei, I'm here.
Frost.
Thank God.
- Are they treating you all right?
- I'm fine.
- Did they feed you?
- Yes.
Was it good?
It was delicious.
Tell them they better continue treating you well or I'll make life very uncomfortable for them very soon.
Tell them that I'm not leaving here without you, my love.
[LINE DISCONNECTS]
Wha...?
- "My love"?
- What does that mean?
It means that Alexei Volkoff is in love with me.
He's in love with you?
He called you "my love"?
Who is Volkoff to you? 
Your boyfriend?
Is he the reason you left Dad?
No.
Alexei and I have never been together.
It's just he...
- He's in love with me, that's all.
- That's all? 
Got it. 
Got it. 
Great.
No, you don't get it.
Sarah, explain to him.
If you were working undercover with the biggest psychopath and that psychopath falls in love with you...
That would make me a major intelligence asset.
I see. 
So that's why you've been gone from my life since I was 9?
Chuck, I'm a spy.
It was my mission.
You've been close to Volkoff.
Why didn't you take him out?
My mission was to take down the network, not the man.
Which is something I still might be able to do.
But if you want to save yourself and your friends, turn me over to him.
You have no choice.
Chuck, wait.
- Hey, are you okay?
- How can I trust anything she says?
Every time I do, I wind up getting shot or almost blown up.
I haven't been stabbed yet.
Going undercover for so long and staying loyal is a hard thing to do.
I got lucky. 
I was assigned to you.
Your mom got Volkoff.
You think Volkoff really is in love with her?
If he is, I bet he would rather negotiate with us than risk her getting hurt.
I might be mad at my mom, really mad, but I'm never gonna hurt her.
You and I know that, but Volkoff doesn't.
It might help us to buy more time for Casey.
- Casey.
- Morgan, what are you doing in here?
- And where are your shoes?
- What...? 
Funny story. 
I was sitting...
Never mind about the shoes.
Where are Chuck and Sarah and what is going on?
Volkoff's taken control of the Buy More.
He's captured Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber.
He's gonna kill them if we don't give him Chuck's mom.
- Jeff and Lester? 
We gotta save them.
- Mm-hm.
If we don't get those guns working, we're gonna be killed.
No, no, no.
You're absolutely right. 
Okay.
I'll go. 
Get the guns running, I'll save Jeff and Lester.
Morgan, that's a stupid idea.
Maybe, but I'm not just gonna sit here on all fours and watch those two die.
Now, wish me luck.
Wait.
You might need that.
- Good thinking.
- Muzzle.
Right. 
I got it, I got it.
[RINGING]
Yes, Charles?
You want Frost and we have her.
If you do what we ask, she doesn't get hurt.
But if you don't do what we ask then bad things are going to happen to her.
Very bad things.
Like...
Just very bad things.
We'll leave it at that.
Is that a threat?
Let me show you something.
This is a thermite-TH3 incendiary explosive.
When it's detonated, the temperatures will exceed 4000 degrees Fahrenheit.
Metal will boil.
I'm gonna drop it down the elevator shaft and it will incinerate every single one of you including my beloved Frost.
I'd rather she die than have to live without me.
Give her back to me and I'll let you live.
That's how you threaten someone, Charles.
So much for buying Casey more time.
Okay, come on.
Ow!
[GRUNTING]
Hey. 
You came for me. 
Thank you.
[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]
- No time to talk, Grimes.
- Wait. 
No. 
No.
[SIGHS]
They were supposed to sell these.
What is wrong with those guys?
MAN:
Let's go. 
Move.
Tell your men to back off.
Don't be afraid.
I told you I'd let you live and I meant it.
But you should know I have your friend Casey.
Put down your weapons.
Frost.
Thank you for coming for me.
I had no choice.
Now, there is just one small matter to deal with.
[GRUNTING]
Chuck.
- What happened to letting us go?
- I lied.
But in my defense, you threatened the woman I love.
Frost I hope you think this is a romantic gesture.
- Alexei, you can't.
- Why not? 
You like romance.
Because Charles is my son.
Really?
Really.
Really?
Really.
VOLKOFF: 
Really?
- Really.
[CHUCK PANTING]
So this is why he isn't dead.
MARY:
I'm sorry, Alexei.
My one weakness is my love for my son.
And he knows this and uses it against me.
Don't be hard on yourself.
We always expect the best from the ones we love.
And rarely get it.
Why didn't you tell me?
Alexei, you run a multinational criminal organization.
There's no room for family.
- Especially family that works for the CIA.
- What did you think I was going to do?
- Sir, there's an incoming call on the Buy...
- Shut up!
From an Ellie Bartowski.
Any relation, this Ellie Bartowski Mr. Bartowski?
Yeah.
No.
No. 
Yeah. 
Distant, distant relative.
Who... 
She lives in Alaska, I think.
Come to think of it, she's in Bangladesh.
You don't wanna...
- Not necessary.
- ELLIE [OVER SPEAKERPHONE]: 
Chuck?
Hey, it's me.
Are you coming for dinner tonight?
I'm kind of, uh...
I'm kind of tied up here at work, sis.
No, you have to come.
I have so much food here.
We didn't get to have a family Thanksgiving dinner. 
It'll be fun. 
Please?
I'll try my best.
Okay, great. 
I'll see you soon.
VOLKOFF:
So a son and a daughter.
[MARY SIGHS]
You didn't think I could have a relationship with your family?
Kids love me.
I'll prove you wrong.
Charles...
Chuck.
[CHUCK GRUNTS]
Call your sister back.
Tell her you're coming to dinner and you're bringing some guests.
Okay.
Okay, I know it's tough.
We just have to be calm.
You just brought a psychotic killer to your pregnant daughter's house.
Considering the circumstances, I'm pretty calm.
Everything's gonna be fine.
You just have to trust me.
I've heard that before.
Alexei, you do understand that my daughter and her husband are civilians?
Of course.
I don't wanna frighten your family.
I just want to get to know them.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Hi.
Mom.
I was telling you I was gonna bring some surprise guests.
So, surprise!
DEVON:
Hey.
I'm Devon, your son-in-law.
- Hey.
DEVON: 
Come on in.
MARY:
Hello, nice to meet you.
I want you to have fun tonight.
But if I get the feeling that you're plotting against me...
I need this dinner to be perfect, understand?
Yeah, I think we do.
I think you don't.
If it isn't perfect, I'll take it out on the people you love.
[BOBBY HELMS' "JINGLE BELL ROCK" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
Well, this has been quite the surprise.
I can't remember the last time we had you here for Thanksgiving, Mom.
Jingle bell, jingle bell rock
It was 1990.
You were 12 Chuck was 9.
The turkey was overcooked.
Heh, heh. 
That's right.
That's right. 
I remember that.
I, however, thought the turkey tasted fine.
Jingle bell...
So, Alexei, you work with my mom.
Can I...?
I mean, am I allowed to ask what happened to her?
Dancin' and prancin'
Well, it's complicated.
Let me explain.
Well, Ellie, in our business, sometimes good people are confused for bad and bad for good.
But fortunately, being your mother's handler I was able to convince the CIA that she is good.
- In a one-horse sleigh
Right, Sarah?
Right. 
Absolutely.
And that's why your mother is free to go now.
Well, that's good news, right?
[ALL CHUCKLE]
VOLKOFF:
Yes.
I know how painful it was for your mother when she had to leave you years ago.
I know how painful it must have been for you too.
And your brother.
ELLIE:
Thank you for helping our mom.
You can't imagine what you've done for this family.
VOLKOFF:
Families come first.
Come on. 
Think, Morgan, think.
There's no Chuck, no Sarah.
It's up to you to save them.
How? 
How?
ELLIE:
Okay.
- Okay. 
Uh, movie. 
Movie.
VOLKOFF: 
Yes.
Gosh. 
Um...
ELLIE:
Three words.
SARAH: 
Sounds like...
ELLIE: 
Sounds like...
Hey, buddy, you having a good time?
Are you kidding?
This Alexei is totally awesome.
First guy I've met who's free-climbed K2, no oxygen. 
Hardcore, bro.
Yeah. 
Yeah, he's something else, isn't he? 
Heh.
You know what else he is?
An international arms dealer and a very, very bad man.
We're in terrible danger. 
Don't freak out.
Bourne Identity.
No!
- Ugh. 
So close.
- Dude, this is not funny.
Yeah, well, it's also not a joke, Devon, okay?
I didn't wanna have to tell you this.
I'm spying again and I need your help.
Batman Forever?
Wrong again, Charles.
You really should make some guesses, otherwise it looks suspicious.
Uh, Bourne Identity?
ELLIE: 
Three words.
- I said that.
Whatever. 
What are you thinking, bringing this guy home?
I'm sorry. 
It's not my fault.
It wasn't my decision.
I can't make a move without setting off Alexei but you're a civilian.
He won't suspect you of anything.
Devon, I know you're the world's worst liar.
But right now I need you to be awesome.
What do you want me to do?
Hey, looks like we're out of sugar.
Hey, Chuck, you got any at your place?
Just getting some sugar.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh. 
Oh.
Oh. 
Cold.
WOMAN'S VOICE [OVER SPEAKER]:
CIA emergency alert activated.
Wow, that is surprisingly soothing.
- Got the sugar.
- Oh, nice.
SARAH:
I'll take that.
Shouldn't your cell phone be ringing?
Huh? 
Right.
Huh. 
It's the hospital.
Hello?
Uh-huh. 
Yeah, yeah.
Well, if you need us, we'll be right there.
What is it?
A bus accident on the 101.
They need all the hands they can get.
Oh, God.
I'm so sorry that we have to take off like this.
It was a wonderful evening. 
You're so...
[KISSING]
- Go save some lives.
- Ha, ha. 
Okay.
DEVON:
Oh.
It was great to see you, Mom.
Talk to you soon.
- Okay.
MARY: 
Okay.
Bye!
See you soon.
Such a sad end to a wonderful evening.
You had to go and alert the CIA, didn't you?
Don't move.
You do know that the nearest tactical response team is over 10 minutes away?
Until then anything could happen.
MARY:
Drop it, Sarah.
Mom, seriously?
You're betraying me again?
CHUCK: 
No, stop.
- Alexei, we've had our dinner.
You've met the family.
We're leaving.
But what kind of potential father-in-law would I be if I didn't set an example?
Chuck has to learn, you make a threat, you follow through on it.
[GUN CLICKS]
I didn't really have to do that but I just really like the sound.
Alexei, stop.
My love?
What are you doing?
This is exactly why I didn't tell you about my family.
You don't know how to love someone.
You only know how to control them.
But you should know that I could never love a man who would do anything to hurt my son.
So drop it.
Alexei, you know that I am loyal to you.
But I will not return with you until you promise me that my family and their friends will remain safe.
And if they don't I will end you.
[CHUCKLES]
VOLKOFF:
You see?
That is a real threat.
Chuck, I'm sorry for everything.
I hope someday you'll trust me.
Mom.
I already do.
BARBARA:
Roger that, Mr. Volkoff.
Bad guys I surrender.
I surrender.
I surrender.
Yippee-ki-yay...
Yippee-ki...
- yay.
Yippee-ki-yay.
Yip...
Okay.
I surrender.
You're free to go.
- What?
- What?
Volkoff's orders. 
We're out.
I'm unbelievable.
What should we do with these two?
What's going on?
You two have some sort of orgy in here last night?
- I don't think...
JEFF: 
Yes.
[SIGHS]
Tell me you weren't planning on selling these on eBay.
[SCOFFS]
LESTER: 
That depends on what you mean by "eBay."
Then you wouldn't have any problem getting them out on the sales floor?
Let's say 10 minutes?
And get them fan stickers off them boxes.
[BOTH GROAN]
I wish I would've trusted my mom instead of being so angry with her the whole time and now she's gone.
She can't come back, not until Volkoff is destroyed.
He knows too much.
She's the only thing keeping us safe right now.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Hey, bro, can I talk to you for a minute?
Sure.
- Uh, hey, what's up?
- What were you thinking?
Not only are you spying again, but you bring it back to our apartment?
I had to lie to Ellie, and I hate lying.
I'm sorry, okay? 
I really am.
I was trying to protect my mom.
- Things went sideways...
- Stop, okay? 
Just stop. 
I don't wanna know.
I don't want this spy stuff near Ellie ever again.
Never. 
Never ever again.
She doesn't want it near you either.
Understand?
So this conversation never took place.
- This is one of my father's laptops.
- He left it for Ellie.
It was broke and we fixed it.
There's something on it.
Brain scans, some memory problem that Ellie figured out.
What...? 
What does it mean?
I don't wanna know.
And neither does Ellie.
But if you're spying again maybe it can help you.
Are you sure you wanna do this?
Look, I'm not even sure what's on this thing, but if I'm right then yes.
Well, let's get this over with.
[SIGHS]
"One or 11?"
What does that mean?
Well, it's the value of an ace in blackjack but there's something my dad used to say to me.
Hm.
[CHUCKLES]
[THUD]
[GROANS]
Chuck?
I'm okay.
[GRUNTING]
Guys, I know kung fu.
Again.
[English 
- US 
- SDH]

Man over radio:
5 Lincoln 9 eastbound on 6th heading towards Front in pursuit of white Oldsmobile Cutlass.
ROGER, 5 LINCOLN.
CHARLES EDWARD 12 IS THREE MINUTES E.T.A.
BOX IN THE SUSPECT AND HOLD THE PERIMETER.
Man:
Copy, Charles Edward 12.
- LISTEN, YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID.
- AND I'M NOT BUYING IT.
- IT'S A RETALIATION SHOOTING.
- THEN LET IT HAPPEN.
LET 'EM KILL EACH OTHER.
BANG BANG BANG, AND WE COME IN AND CLEAN UP.
- END OF STORY.
- THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY EXPECT YOU TO DO.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE LISTENING TO HIS SHIT.
HE'S A C.I.
- WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
- HE'S A PAID CRIMINAL INFORMANT.
- HE'LL SAY ANYTHING TO COVER HIS OWN ASS.
- FUCK YOU, MAN.
HIS HANDLER WAS SHOT DEAD TONIGHT. 
HOW DO WE KNOW HE DIDN'T SET UP THE HIT?
- THAT'S BULLSHIT, MAN.
- YOU SAW THE SHEET.
THIS KID MICHAEL PIPS HAD PRIORS.
HE FOUND OUT JACOBS WAS UNDERCOVER,
PICKED UP A 9mm AND TOOK MATTERS INTO HIS OWN HANDS.
- YOU'RE WRONG! 
YOU'RE WRONG!
- HE DIDN'T SET UP SHIT, MAN.
THERE WAS SOMEBODY ELSE IN THAT PARK.
SOMEBODY PLANNED IT ON THE OTHER SIDE-
- ONE OF YOUR BOYS, MAN.
YOU WITNESS THIS?
HOW AM I GONNA KNOW YOUR BOY WAS AN UNDERCOVER?
WHEN HE FOUND OUT, HE FREAKED.
HE WASN'T ABOUT TO KILL NO COP.
COUPLE MINUTES LATER, SOMEBODY COME IN, CUT JACOBS DOWN.
- NOW HE'S TRYING TO PIN IT ON A RIVAL GANG.
- WHO WAS THE SHOOTER?
I'M NOT SAYING ANOTHER WORD TILL I SPEAK TO HIS D.A.
HE DOESN'T KNOW SHIT.
LOOK, OUR JOB IS TO STOP THIS FROM ESCALATING.
HE KILLED A COP! 
HE'S GOT A TARGET PAINTED ON HIM
FROM EVERY OFFICER IN THE FIELD RIGHT NOW.
Man over radio:
Charles Edward 12, be advised:
suspect vehicle is pinned, but there is movement within the perimeter.
- (gunfire popping) 
- Shots firing! 
Shots firing!
(tires squeal)
Officers need backup!
38th cross street...
- PUT YOUR HEAD DOWN!
- (firing)
PUT YOUR HEAD DOWN!
DOWN DOWN-
- GET DOWN!
KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
COME ON.
COME ON!
QUICK WITH YOUR LEG!
COME ON, MAN.
COME ON.
HEY HEY. 
HEY!
FREEZE!
TINO, HEY!
COME ON, BREATHE!
- (gunfire stops) 
- SUSPECT DOWN!
SUSPECT IS DOWN!
BREATHE!
COVER ME! 
COVER ME!
Shepherd:
BREATHE! 
COME ON!
FUCK.
WE'RE CLEAR!
NEED AN E.M.T.!
SHEPHERD!
- WHERE'S OUR PARAMEDICS?
- SHEPHERD!
- RESCUE 1-6, WE HAVE TWO-- REPEAT TWO G.S.W.s. 
- SHEPHERD?
- WHAT IS YOUR E.T.A.?
- WAS HE HIT? 
IS IT PIPS?
NO.
WHAT'S HIS STATUS, DETECTIVE?
HE'S GONE.
S.W.A.T.'S ON THEIR WAY.
- WHAT'S THEIR E.T.A.?
- THEY'RE STILL 10 MINUTES OUT.
YOU TELL THEM THERE'S PLAINCLOTHES WITHIN THE PERIMETER.
- WHOA. 
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
- I'M GOING IN.
HEY, WAIT FOR S.W.A.T., MAN.
WE DON'T KNOW HOW MANY SHOOTERS ARE IN THE VICINITY.
THIS KID DOESN'T HAVE 10 MINUTES, ALL RIGHT?
SHEPHERD, I CAN'T LET YOU DO THIS, MAN.
HEY, YOU WANT TO STAY, BRIGGS, YOU STAY.
HOLD ON!
YOU'RE NOT SERIOUSLY GOING IN THERE, ARE YOU?
HE'S MY PARTNER.
LISTEN, YOU'RE OUR EYES AND EARS.
YOU MAINTAIN RADIO SILENCE UNLESS YOU SEE MOVEMENT ON OUR POSITION.
- YOU GOT IT?
- YEP.
- THEY KNOW WE'RE HERE.
BE SMART.
- ALL RIGHT.
(leaves rustling)
Man:
MOVEMENT, TREE LINE!
WE'RE SITTING DUCKS OUT HERE, MAN!
- COVER ME.
- NO! 
THEY'RE TRYING TO PIN US DOWN,
TRYING TO BEAT US TO MICHAEL.
WE NEED TO MAKE A MOVE TO THE WAREHOUSE.
WHAT?
HEY, LISTEN TO ME.
POINT EVERY LIGHT YOU'VE GOT ON THAT TREE LINE.
EVERY LIGHT YOU'VE GOT ON THAT TREE LINE RIGHT NOW.
- Man: 10-4.
- GOOD. 
DON'T STOP.
KEEP THOSE LIGHTS MOVING.
You hear me?
Keep those lights moving.
(gunshots continue)
YOU READY?
- LET'S GO!
- FUCKIN' CRAZY.
- CLEAR LEFT!
- CLEAR RIGHT!
MOVING CENTER.
- (firing) 
- DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN!
POLICE OFFICERS!
DROP THE GUN!
- (radio static) 
- MAN, I DIDN'T DO THIS!
I DIDN'T KILL THAT FUCKIN' COP!
DROP THE FUCKING GUN, MICHAEL.
WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED.
MICHAEL, I'M COMING OUT.
MICHAEL!
MICHAEL, HEY.
HEY, I'M UNARMED.
- I JUST WANT TO TALK.
- I DIDN'T KILL THAT FUCKIN' COP.
MAN, I DIDN'T DO THIS.
WE'RE HERE TO HELP YOU.
PUT THE WEAPON DOWN, MICHAEL, NOW!
HEY HEY, EYES ON ME, MICHAEL.
EYES ON ME! 
OKAY?
TELL YOUR BOY TO PUT HIS GUN DOWN.
THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN, MICHAEL.
EVERYBODY, CALM DOWN!
JUST LOWER YOUR WEAPON, BRIGGS.
- NO WAY.
- DO IT, MOTHERFUCKER!
- NO WAY.
- MICHAEL, WE'RE NOT HERE TO HURT YOU.
I PROMISE.
I GIVE YOU MY WORD:
WE'RE NOT HERE TO HURT YOU.
- LET'S JUST TALK.
- HE'S ONE OF THEM, ISN'T HE?
JUST YOU AND ME.
NO, HE'S NOT.
- HE'S FUCKIN' ONE OF THEM, ISN'T HE?
- NO, HE'S NOT.
HE'S BEEN WITH ME ALL NIGHT.
WE'RE HERE TO GET YOU OUT.
YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
I JUST NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT YOU SAW TONIGHT.
COPS! 
I SAW FUCKIN' COPS!
- YOU SAW COPS ON 6th STREET?
- THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
OKAY. 
ALL RIGHT.
BACK IT DOWN, DETECTIVE.
HOW MANY COPS DID YOU SEE, MICHAEL?
I SAW THREE OF 'EM!
ALL RIGHT. 
YOU SAW THREE COPS.
CAN YOU IDENTIFY THEM?
STAND DOWN, DETECTIVE!
LOWER YOUR WEAPON!
LOOK AT HIM, MICHAEL.
HE'S LOWERING HIS GUN.
ALL RIGHT?
HE'S LOWERING HIS WEAPON.
LOWER YOUR WEAPON, BRIGGS.
NOW I NEED YOU TO TELL ME YOU CAN IDENTIFY THESE COPS.
YEAH.
I SEEN 'EM BEFORE.
OKAY. 
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S GOOD.
- WHO ELSE KNOWS ABOUT THIS, MICHAEL?
- MAN, YOU TELL ME.
HEY! 
HEY, LISTEN TO ME.
IF THERE'S SOMEBODY OUT THERE THAT CAN BACK UP YOUR STORY,
WE NEED TO GET THEM INTO PROTECTIVE CUSTODY.
LOOK, WE'VE GOT A CAR STANDING BY.
ALL RIGHT? 
WE'RE NOT GONNA BRING YOU IN HERE.
WE'RE GONNA TAKE YOU TO THE FEDS-
- THE F.B.I., MICHAEL.
THEY'RE GONNA TAKE YOU INTO PROTECTIVE CUSTODY.
NO ONE'S GONNA GET NEAR YOU.
YOU'RE GONNA BE SAFE.
I NEED TO KNOW
WHO ELSE DO WE NEED TO PROTECT?
NO. 
I'M THE ONLY ONE LEFT.
(radio static)
SUSPECT IN CUSTODY.
(siren wailing)
- MICHAEL!
- DROP THE GUN!
- MICHAEL, DON'T!
MICHAEL, NO!
- GET DOWN!
- DROP THE FUCKIN' GUN!
- NO, WAIT A MINUTE!
- WAIT A MINUTE! 
WAIT WAIT!
- (all shouting)
Man:
SUSPECT DOWN.
(door opens)
WHAT YOU GOT?
WE'VE GOT FIVE DEAD BODIES IN THE LAST 24 HOURS.
THIS COULD BE THE WORST CASE OF RETALIATION VIOLENCE
THIS CITY'S EVER SEEN.
- HAS THAT GOTTEN OUT?
- NOT YET.
BUT WE'VE ONLY GOT A FEW HOURS TILL THE PRESS GETS WIND OF IT.
ALL RIGHT.
SO WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, COUNSEL?
THERE'S NO WAY TO JUSTIFY THEIR ACTIONS IN THE FIELD TONIGHT.
SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE THE FALL FOR THIS.
IS THAT THE OFFICIAL POSITION OF THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY?
JUST TO BE CLEAR,
NOTHING LEAVES THIS ROOM UNTIL IT'S BEEN BLESSED BY OUR OFFICE.
WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON SHEPHERD?
HE'S BEEN ON THE JOB FOR 30 HOURS STRAIGHT WITH NO SLEEP.
HE'LL BE EASY TO BREAK.
OKAY, DETECTIVE.
ARE YOU READY TO BEGIN?
- YOU KNOW THE DRILL, DETECTIVE.
- (hits button)
TELL US WHAT HAPPENED OUT THERE TONIGHT.
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
HMM?
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOSING YOUR BADGE AND GOING TO PRISON
- FOR CRIMINAL MISCONDUCT.
- NO MATTER WHAT I SAY,
YOU'RE GONNA SPIN IT EXACTLY THE WAY THAT YOU WANT,
EXACTLY THE WAY IT'S BEEN DONE HERE 100 TIMES BEFORE.
WHAT WAS THAT?
I KNOW WHAT YOU DO WITH THE FACTS
WHEN THEY DON'T MATCH THE STORY YOU WANT TO TELL, RIGHT?
YOU CHANGE THEM OR YOU IGNORE THEM.
KEEP IT UP, DETECTIVE.
YOU'RE JUST HANGING YOURSELF.
AM I?
TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW.
DURING THE COURSE OF THE INITIAL INVESTIGATION
INTO THE SHOOTING DEATHS OF OFFICER CHRIS JACOBS,
WE INTERVIEWED HIS PARTNER, DETECTIVE EVANS.
HE GAVE US THE NAME OF A PAID CRIMINAL INFORMANT
WHO EVENTUALLY LED US TO THE SUSPECT.
YOU PLACED AN A.P.B. AT APPROXIMATELY 2200 HOURS.
YES, SIR, WHEN SOME OF OUR PATROL OFFICERS
REPORTING SPOTTING THE SUSPECT AND ENGAGED IN PURSUIT.
THEY WERE ABLE TO BOX HIM IN AT FRONT STREET.
BASED ON PRELIMINARY REPORTS SUBMITTED BY PATROL OFFICERS LERNER AND COMINSKY,
THEY WERE ATTACKED BY AN ASSAILANT.
DID YOU WITNESS THIS, DETECTIVE?
A FIREFIGHT DID ENSUE.
THE CRIMINAL INFORMANT WAS SHOT AND KILLED IN THE CROSSFIRE.
DETECTIVE SHEPHERD AND I THEN PURSUED THE SUSPECT
INTO THE WAREHOUSE AREA.
WE CORNERED HIM.
WE ATTEMPTED TO TALK HIM INTO SURRENDERING
EVEN AFTER HE HAD FIRED UPON US.
AT WHICH TIME UNIFORMED OFFICERS FIRED UPON THE SUSPECT,
FATALLY INJURING HIM ONLY AFTER ALL ATTEMPTS
TO DISARM HIM HAD BEEN EXHAUSTED.
WHAT ARE WE MISSING, DETECTIVE?
SIR?
WE WISH IT WAS THAT SIMPLE.
IT WASN'T THAT CLEAN, WAS IT, DETECTIVE?
YOU EITHER PLAY BALL OR I'M TAKING YOU DOWN MYSELF.
YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
YOU WANT TO PUT ME ON THE STAND? 
GO AHEAD.
'CAUSE I'LL TELL 'EM EVERYTHING.
BUT YOU DON'T WANT THAT, DO YOU?
RIGHT?
YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT.
IT'S NOT THE IMAGE THAT THE DEPARTMENT WANTS TO PRESENT TO THE PUBLIC.
YOU'RE BURNT OUT, SHEPHERD.
WE CAN ALL SEE THAT.
IS THAT WHY YOU DID WHAT YOU DID?
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT?
WELL, WE'VE GOT A SWORN STATEMENT FROM YOUR PARTNER HERE...
AND IT SAYS DIFFERENT.
THERE'S NO WAY.
GO AHEAD, READ IT.
HIS DEBRIEF ENDED HOURS AGO.
WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?
LET ME HELP YOU OUT, DETECTIVE.
WHY DON'T YOU START BY TELLING US
HOW DETECTIVE EVANS WOUND UP WITH TWO BULLET HOLES IN HIS HEAD--
ONE SELF-INFLICTED AND ONE NOT?
YOU WERE THE FIRST GUY AT THE SCENE.
SIR, I CAN ONLY COMMENT
THAT DURING THE COURSE OF OUR INVESTIGATION,
WE ENCOUNTERED WHAT COULD ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A THEORY
OF POTENTIAL CONSPIRACY INVOLVING INDIVIDUALS
FROM WITHIN OUR OWN DEPARTMENT.
NO WAY. 
THIS IS A SETUP AND YOU KNOW IT.
YOU'RE OUT OF LINE.
EVERY ONE OF THOSE MEN IS DEAD TONIGHT BECAUSE OF US.
AND FOR WHAT?
THE REASON WE'RE HERE IS TO FIND THE TRUTH.
- THE TRUTH, CAPTAIN?
- YEAH.
THOSE SUSPECTS HAD A TARGET PAINTED ON THEIR BACK
FROM EVERY OFFICER IN THE FIELD.
WE CAUSED THIS!
WE CAUSED THIS.
DETECTIVE, SIT DOWN.
WE CAUSED THIS.
DETECTIVE.
THIS IS OUR FAULT.
Lieutenant Michaels:
START FROM THE BEGINNING.
DON'T LEAVE OUT A SINGLE DETAIL.
THIS IS YOUR ONLY SHOT.
YOUR PARTNER'S GOING DOWN.
THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO TO STOP THAT NOW.
ARE YOU?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO JOIN HIM.
THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY OUT THAT DOOR.
IT'S TIME TO COME CLEAN.
MY PARTNER DETECTIVE SHEPHERD AND I
RECEIVED THE FIRST CALL AT 1800 HOURS.
THERE'D BEEN AN APPARENT SHOOTING
DOWN AT THE 6th STREET PARK-- THAT'S DEEP WITHIN GANGLAND.
WHOSE GANGLAND?
THE VICE LORDS.
THEY RUN ALL THE STREETS IN BETWEEN 16th AND FAIRFAX.
NOBODY GOES IN AND NOBODY COMES OUT
WITHOUT BEING AFFILIATED WITH THAT CREW.
PRELIMINARY REPORTS INDICATED THAT IT WAS INDEED
A GANGLAND HOMICIDE.
THE WEALTHY STREET BOYS--
THEY'D BEEN SEEN IN THE AREA AND THERE'D BEEN A SERIES OF SHOOTINGS
IN THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS.
OUR INITIAL INSTINCTS TOLD US
THAT IT WAS A RETALIATION SHOOTING THAT RESULTED FROM A PRIOR INCIDENT.
- WE GOT A BREAK IN THE RAIN.
- YEAH, GIVE IT 10 MINUTES.
JOHNSON, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
VICTIM'S A WHITE MALE, LATE 20s, EARLY 30s.
TOOK MULTIPLE G.S.W.s TO THE HEAD AND CHEST.
CHALK THAT UP.
HOW MANY DOES IT MAKE?
- THREE IN THREE WEEKS.
- FIRST ON SCENE?
- I WAS, SIR.
- DID YOU I.D. THE VICTIM?
NOT YET. 
NO WALLET, NO CASH-- STRIPPED CLEAN.
DETECTIVES, WE'VE GOT OVER TWO DOZEN SPENT SHELL CASINGS.
THEY'RE ALL 9mm.
WE'VE ALSO GOT TREAD MARKS FROM WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN
THE SHOOTER'S VEHICLE HEADING OUT OF THE PARK.
HOW LONG BEFORE YOU GET THE RESULTS ON THE TREADS?
I'LL BE UPLOADING THE PHOTOS WITHIN THE NEXT 24 HOURS,
BUT IT'LL STILL TAKE A COUPLE OF DAYS TO GET A POSITIVE MATCH.
ALL RIGHT. 
SHOW ME THIS KID.
MAYBE WE CAN SHOP A PHOTO AROUND.
WATCH YOUR STEP.
TOOK HITS FROM ALL SIDES.
NOT VERY PRETTY WHAT'S LEFT OF HIM.
PULL IT BACK.
COVER IT UP.
HEY, WHAT'S UP?
DO YOU KNOW THIS GUY?
HE'S ONE OF OURS, SHEP.
LOCK IT DOWN NOW!
(muted talking)
DETECTIVE?
I'VE SEEN THINGS NO ONE SHOULD EVER SEE.
I'VE DEALT WITH IT LIKE WE ALL HAVE.
YOUR TRAINING TELLS YOU TO SEPARATE YOUR EMOTIONS
FROM THE JOB AT HAND, TO BUILD UP A TOLERANCE TO IT.
Stalwart fellows, picked, I suspect, for that reason.
All I can do is take them into Nagoro, hold them until I get some evidence.
MARSH:
I'll bet they know something.
My men have threatened, pleaded, cajoled, promised but they deny any knowledge of the cheetah.
I'd like to have Mike take a try.
- Mike, do you mind?
- Mm.
Very well.
[MIKE SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[CLARENCE ROARING]
You didn't get much to eat last night but those warriors are definitely not on your diet.
PAULA:
They've gotta be the ones that took Kimbya.
I've never seen Clarence so furious.
He's acting like a lion.
Well, if they did take Kimbya, where is he?
[ROARING]
I hope they didn't kill him.
Clarence, you're more effective than truth serum.
One look at those ferocious teeth and those Nabulus talked.
Their chief ordered them to steal Kimbya.
But they swear they did not carry out their crime. 
I believe them.
Whew. 
Then Kimbya still must be alive.
- Do they know where he is?
- No.
They were about to steal the cheetah when Clarence chased them into the bush.
Well, then Kimbya must be out there somewhere.
Boy, I sure hope he didn't reinjure his leg.
Or fallen prey to some other animal.
If you see Kimbya, don't try to take him alone.
Contact Paula on the two-way radio and she'll relay it on to me.
- Have you got that straight, dear?
- Yes, I promise I won't goof.
Alrighty.
Look, don't forget, we'll call in on the hour every hour.
Come on, let's get going.
[ENGINES START]
Judy, that's my new dress.
We don't have time to play around.
We have to find Kimbya so leave my dress alone.
[GROWLING]
[GIBBERING]
Boy Scout to Wameru.
Boy Scout to Wameru.
Go ahead.
Yeah, it's me.
I'm at coordinates L for lion, 35.
All right, I'm logging you at L35 at 0800 hours.
[GROWLING]
Hazy Eagle to Wameru Princess.
[OVER RADIO] This is Mike, Paula.
What do you hear from Jack and Marsh?
Jack has scored a zero so far, haven't heard a thing from Dad.
How about you?
I just spoke to a convention of zebra, but not a cheetah among them.
I'm at O for ostrich, 72.
Heading northeast and will check with you within the hour.
Over and out.
[GROWLS]
MARSH [OVER RADIO]:
Calling Wameru compound.
Calling Wameru compound.
- Paula, do you read me?
- Yes, Dad.
Where are you?
At coordinate H for hippopotamus, 47.
Plenty of animals, but no Kimbya.
Have Jack and Mike checked in?
Yes, on time, but results negative.
Well, I'm heading due north of the Mahali water hole. 
Out.
[GROWLING]
Clarence, are you hungry again?
It's not even lunchtime.
Hey, Clarence, I have to go to the dispensary for a minute.
I want you to be my radio answering service.
Well, what if I gave you a bone?
[GROWLS]
Good.
Okay, Clarence, now, listen to me carefully.
You see that radio on the desk?
Now, if you hear a sound out of that radio I want you to give me a nice big growl into this radio.
[GROWLS]
Oh, that's right, Clarence. 
Great.
Now, put this on you. 
Wonderful.
And you see, with my radio, I'll be able to hear you.
Now, you understand?
[GROWLS]
Good, okay, I'll get you your bone.
Okay, Clarence, here's your bone.
Now, if you hear anything, don't forget to growl.
All right?
Well, Nanny, how do you feel today?
Let's see. 
Come on. 
Oh.
Clarence? 
Clarence, where are you?
Clarence, this is no time for games.
Wameru to Dr. Tracy.
Dad, this is Paula, do you hear me?
- Yes, Paula, what is it?
- Dad, the emir is returning.
I can tell he's breathing fire.
Try protocol.
Ask him about his wives and children.
That ought to keep him busy for about an hour.
What if he's not interested in family gossip?
Have Judy and Clarence entertain him with tricks.
They've already pulled a vanishing act and Clarence has walked off with a walkie-talkie.
What, in his mouth?
PAULA [OVER RADIO]:
No, strapped around his neck.
Call him and tell him to come back.
That won't work.
I only pushed the transmit button.
He can't hear me, but I can hear him.
Well, okay, Paula. 
Just try to think of something until I get back, huh?
[GIBBERING]
[ROARS]
[CLARENCE ROARING OVER RADIO]
Clarence.
[GIBBERING]
Judy? 
Judy, is that you?
[GROWLS]
[KIMBYA GROWLING OVER RADIO]
Kimbya. 
Jack, do you read me?
Yeah, Marsh, I just heard Clarence broadcasting over his walkie-talkie.
Marsh, Judy's there with him.
And so is Kimbya.
Now, look, all we have to do is rotate our antennas according to the direction of the volume.
Then we'll mark it on our maps, compare notes, triangulate and we can zero in on our troublesome trio.
[CLARENCE  KIMBYA GROWLING OVER RADIO]
[JUDY GIBBERING OVER RADIO]
Would you like another glass of tea, Your Excellency?
My dear young lady, there is a limit to tea and to patience.
Now, where is your father?
And when may I see my cheetah?
Well, you see, him and Mike and Jack left early this morning on an emergency.
I insist upon seeing my cheetah.
But, Your Excellency, I am in charge here and I cannot allow you to enter the dispensary.
You are not the Daktari.
You are only his female child.
Now please stand aside.
But, Your Excellency....
[HORN HONKING]
Dad.
Boy, am I glad to see you.
You see, I told you there was nothing to worry about.
My Kimbya, you are well again.
And now you shall race and win for me.
Thank you, Daktari. 
My many thanks.
MARSH:
You are most welcome, Your Excellency.
[GIBBERING]
Aha.
You don't like us filling in your little underground hideout, do you?
Cheetah-napper.
MIKE: 
Oh, when I think of the trouble you've caused I am tempted to restrict you to a cage for a week.
Mike.
If Judy hadn't hidden Kimbya, those Nabulu warriors might have killed him.
Now, she deserves a reward.
[CAR APPROACHING]
HEDLEY:
Hello there.
I say, where's Daktari?
He's out in the bush looking for poacher's pits.
Yeah, for us to fill in.
I think it ought to be your job to take care of those so that no more animals get trapped.
HEDLEY:
Or held captive in.
Hedley, don't you start picking on poor Judy.
She wasn't kidnapping, it was protective custody.
Well, anyway, it was the right medicine for Kimbya.
I just got the news from the emir.
Kimbya won the race at the hunt meet.
JACK:
Well, how about that, huh?
Now he's got all those cattle and goats, and he saves his face.
You won something too, Jack.
All of you.
Watershed rights in perpetuity to all the emir's land abutting the reserve.
Which means that next dry season all your animals can safely seek out new water holes without getting shot.
Well, Judy, I guess all the animals owe you a debt.
She did a job for me too.
Judy, front and center. 
Up here.
That's the way.
Smartly now. 
Stand up, Judy.
Full height.
Now, chin up. 
Chin up, Judy.
Tummy in, chest out.
That's the way. 
Face the front.
Atten-hut!
Now, Judy.
For services rendered, I hereby appoint you deputy volunteer askari.
Judy, face the front. 
Judy.
Right hand, salute.
That's the way, Judy.
[ALL LAUGHING]
[ROARS]
[English 
- US 
- SDH]

ME, ME, ME... 
AND THE OTHERS
A film protesting the conceit of egoism created by ALESSANDRO BLASETTI
Forget the venue...
Some famous writers do their best thinking here.
Just as well...
Someone's put "LONG LIVE I" in writing.
The others, on the contrary...
All these nice people, for example, God forbid, wouldn't even dream of such a motto.
They just practise it.
My apologies. 
Some are capable of being considerate to others.
Where do we come from?
What about tomorrow's world?
With butter or oil?
A touch of tomato?
With mushrooms and a hint of onion?
I'll leave it up to you.
Que sera sera.
Yes, I'll have the mushrooms but no onion.
All the same...
Mushrooms, yes. 
Onion, no.
Reserved for you.
Middle coach, forward seat.
Your whiskey?
- Chivas Regal. 
- Soda?
No, just a little ice.
No doubt, there is only one "self", one's own.
Indeed, who are the others?
What are they?
There they are.
That's what they look like when seen from above.
What about me?
Each of you is saying.
Me, with my skills...
Me, with my wife's skills...
I, who am a dreamer...
I, who am a conman...
Me, with my might...
Me, with my modesty...
Finally, me...
Me, with my personality...
Per-so-na-li-ty, you might say...
You expect me to mingle with those ants?
Those grains of sand?
Those bacteria? 
Me?
Me of all people?
Patrons, that's what you look like to the people down there.
Maybe I should start like that, straight to the point.
Granted, no one would want to be taken for that chap.
But then, he wouldn't want to be taken for someone else.
He'd think he'd lose in the swap, like all of us.
Like the 3.5 billion people who...
Like the 3.5 billion people who can't stop saying:
Me...
Me...
Me... and the others.
Be my guest.
That's an idea. 
I'll have the same.
Is it okay, sir?
- Yes...
And now, from "me" we'll go to "mine".
This is my fan and my air.
The butt is mine too.
It's a matter of principle.
This table's free.
Seat the gentlemen, please.
That's what he thinks.
This will be my table for as long as I like. 
I'll leave when I please.
Of course, I'm just as bad.
No, I'm the worst.
The king of egoists, it's me.
I've found it. 
- What?
A seat. 
We won't have to stroll through Via Veneto.
Mocking those poor people, you moron.
Migrants going home after a long separation.
Or leaving for a long time.
Excuse me, madam. 
Pardon me.
May I?
Excuse me... 
Excuse me...
Pardon me.
May I?
Excuse me!
Okay, workers of the world unite.
All right.
But there's a limit.
You're all here, standing, sitting, lying blissfully...
What the heck!
Comfort has its limits, too.
Comfortable?
I gave you a double mattress.
Thanks.
- Was it a good dinner?
A drink to help you digest?
Your cordial, Campari.
Yes, my usual.
And some mineral water.
Not fizzy!
Hey, guys, look at that.
Holy cow!
What a looker!
What are you staring at?
Never seen a train before?
May I?
Done.
There she is! 
Gisella!
How was the exhibition?
- Very interesting.
Long live Pop Art, then.
- It's a "must see".
I see what you mean.
- What, you idiot?
Especially from down here.
- Be my guest.
Try to tell a woman how to protect her modesty and she'll reply:
"I decide what and when.
I'll decide who."
No need to scream.
You have your robe on.
You swine.
An accident.
- Shame on you!
I mean, it's really puzzling...
I wonder who screamed.
Her or her robe?
Camera... smile!
How many times should I say it?
My ear must be covered.
Dresser, mirror, comb...
Exposure for the sake of it.
Here, madam. 
- Thank you.
Close-ups show my bunny ears.
Let's get on with it.
Roll...
Remove towel, place banknote.
Got a large note?
No, they're out of circulation.
Pardon me.
How much?
- Twelve hundred.
Thank you. 
I'll do it.
I like this stuff too.
Look at these beauties!
I'm just on a research assignment.
A sad one, I might add. 
- Really?
- May I? 
- Of course, madam.
They cheer me up.
Unlike most people, I'm not ashamed of it.
Have you ever seen anyone openly look at a nude picture in a public place? 
Like this.
Well, I do.
I even undress those who are dressed.
Mentally, I mean.
Thank you. 
I admire your candour.
But I'd like to undress too.
Gosh! 
They'll arrest me.
Excuse me...
Damn! 
Trepossi's coming this way.
What are you up to?
How's it going?
Hi, there.
Not very promising.
There's a sort of angst in the air.
I understand you rang me a few times.
Yes. 
You're always in conference.
That flaming Capranica Award.
Going for it?
- It's up to my publisher.
I didn't call you for that.
- Of course not.
I just wanted your opinion on that survey of mine...
Ah, yes! 
So I've heard, a survey on selfishness.
You're a touch late.
Other got there first, my dear.
Keep on ringing me.
Don't give up. 
See you.
We'll talk about it.
- But you're so busy.
Sandro!
How can you walk around like that?
When will you learn a little neatness?
If only I had married an accountant.
Sandro! 
Have you gone crazy?
Get in!
Are you...?
Holy shit, what a nightmare!
Quite interesting, though.
Incommunicability...
How can they read your soul?
They can't see you're undressed.
Will they understand?
Who cares? 
The less they understand you, the more they respect you.
But...
Who was the only one to realize my predicament?
Peppino.
Frank, pure, enthusiastic, good-hearted, hopelessly gullible Peppino.
Excuse me.
Are you ill?
- No. 
Just being discreet.
I thought so.
Hands off me!
- I was picking up my glasses.
How rude.
He didn't want to be disruptive.
Talking to me?
I can lend you my jacket.
Excuse me.
Are you having me on?
No. 
I was leaving.
They won't let you in without a jacket.
Not without a jacket.
- Don't you want your pension?
And you? 
- I've waited so long, a minute more, a minute less.
Go on. 
I'll wait here.
Go. 
- Sorry, sir.
I'm afraid without a jacket...
No worries. 
I'll enjoy the sun.
Peppino!
My dear Peppino...
By the by...
I hope he's at the station.
Or I'll have to catch a cab.
The problem is that for every good soul like Peppino there are a thousand skunks like me.
Or like Trepossi.
Sandro, I can't right now.
Call me tomorrow.
Do you want to cross?
- Yes.
A blind man!
A blind man!
After you, my child.
I don't deserve it.
Let me say, non sum dignus.
No...
You've always been a good Christian.
One, two, three, four. 
Move!
One, two, three, four. 
Move!
Thank you, God, my merciful God!
God's on my side.
God's on my side.
God is loving... because He's on your side.
Trepossi, you disgust me.
My dear Trepossi, my first call is for you.
Yes, I'll hold, no worries.
Peppino! 
- How's going?
- See to my luggage.
Hello, my friend.
Sure, just give me a time.
Go ahead. 
I'm in no hurry.
Okay, I'll wait a few minutes.
Maybe... 
Maybe I'll call you back.
"My Dream", at the Archimedes.
Who cares?
"Slaves Exist", at the Ariston.
Barberini, Bologna, Capranica...
Trashy movies everywhere.
At the Fiamma?
- "How to marry an PM." 
- Again!
I have to go now. 
Take care.
Hold on, Spartacuccio wants to say bye-bye.
Say bye.
Bye! 
Bye, Daddy.
Come on, say bye-bye.
I'll make him say it.
Don't go. 
Bye, Daddy!
Damn! 
I'll catch a later train, but he has to say bye-bye.
Say: 
Bye, Daddy!
"Nude Sex by Night", the usual sluts.
You've skipped "Metropolitan".
Don't rush. 
- Right.
Sandro, I'm parked illegally.
I have an amazing gift. 
Come along.
You look great.
- Don't hold me like that...
For your survey...
- My luggage? 
- In there.
The best idea you've ever had.
But you must include good points too, not just junk.
Got 30 minutes? 
I'll take you.
You'll thank me.
Where? 
Right now?
- Yes. 
An hour at the most.
Stop fooling around.
- Trust me.
What's it all about?
- Trust me.
And... where are we going?
- Grottaferrata.
Grottaferrata?
30 km away?
- Less than half.
I was there last week, editing my novel.
And you came across a nudist camp?
Just wait.
You will get there and be fascinated.
You'll thank me for it.
Lots of work going on...
New piping everywhere.
We had no water for 3 days.
It was great. 
Really!
Turning on the tap and seeing water again was such a joy...
I lived through the war.
But that was long ago.
A sort of forgotten joy.
A discovery!
This is the spot.
I'd come here to revise the draft of my novel.
And every day, around this time...
Do you realize we're evicting ourselves from the Garden of Eden?
Concrete and progress are annihilating our world.
So, what happens around this time?
Here they come! 
Let's hide.
Squat. 
Get down!
My God, they're ugly!
- True. 
And old too.
Clearly, they're penniless.
Old, odd and ugly. 
Quite unique.
- Exactly.
Yet, see how they walk?
They're only passing through.
You'd never have seen them.
Who are they?
- No idea. 
That's irrelevant.
What's relevant, then?
What? 
Just look at them.
Old, odd and ugly, as you put it.
But see how they soldier on...
in total harmony.
Can't you see?
I'm a damned fool!
I always fall for it.
Peppino, I have so little time!
You didn't even let me drop my luggage off.
I couldn't ring Trepossi.
An entire morning wasted to see those two skeletons, two freaks of nature...
Who cares if they're happy?
Too bad. 
I'd cry my eyes out if I were them.
Let's go.
I'm not coming.
Take the car. 
I'll walk.
Stop that. 
This whole thing is preposterous enough.
You're right. 
Take my car and keep it in your garage.
I'm off to Milan for a month.
Stop. 
I don't feel like walking.
Get in. 
That's really uncalled for.
I'm walking.
When I'm tired, I'll catch a tram.
I'm in no mood for an argument.
But we are arguing.
- Okay.
It's unheard of, in total harmony...
That's what he thinks.
How does he know?
They came this morning, rates and mortgage.
Poor Peppino...
I'll call him tomorrow.
I almost forgot, the phone.
85,000 lire.
Do you phone novels through?
It's a fortune, almost half my fur repayment.
That, too. 
- Of course.
By the way...
Sorry.
Try to work on Trepossi.
The award is tomorrow.
Three million lire.
It would come in very handy.
- Sure. 
And how!
You could pay off my fur and forget about it.
A wife...
another paragon of selfishness.
They don't look like wives at first...
Baby! 
My poor little darling!
Murderers!
- Is that yours, madam?
That's immaterial.
- Well? 
- Well nothing!
Murderers! 
- Who?
We all know how they end up, killed like animals.
Murderers!
Stop or I'll call a cop.
Officer, please...
Watch out, he could bite you.
Dogs only bite those who deserve it.
They should do it more often.
She insulted me publicly.
- He wanted to kill my pet.
Yours, my foot!
Don't shift your ground.
She called me a murderer.
- What do you call a killer?
I see no difference between a man and a dog.
Besides, I believe in metempsychosis.
If you were in India, a truly civilized nation.
In India, a cow...
- That may be so, madam.
But your dog has no leash.
And the muzzle?
The lady is carrying her dog, that makes it a lap-dog.
And as such it needs no leash or muzzle.
I'm a journalist.
I can vouch for it.
Please do! 
Taxi!
Could you get me a taxi?
I have a car. 
I'd be honoured...
If you insist.
My little darling! 
Thank you.
Well done! 
You love dogs too.
It's impossible not to.
- Some prefer cats. 
I have two.
My Siamese is so jealous.
I always get myself into trouble.
Altruism's a bad habit.
On the contrary.
What will I do with him now?
I can't abandon you.
I can't take you home...
Do you have any cats?
- No. 
I have no pets. 
I live alone.
Ideal. 
The dog will love it.
Love what?
- Your home!
Don't give him plain meat.
Always mix it with some boiled rice and...
Give him a bath right away.
He's ridden with fleas.
My house isn't suitable. 
I swear.
Shall we go and have a look?
Put it away.
- Yes, madam.
Hello... 
Hi!
We've just walked in.
The usual nut case!
Titta may not want to go out.
Who is it? 
- Sensani.
- Robertaccio! 
Go where? 
- Dancing.
Sure.
Okay. 
Where? 
- No!
No, I can't. 
- Why?
My hair's not done.
Keep your hat on.
- Sure! 
Are you mad?
Sorry, Roberto. 
I misunderstood.
Titta would have loved to, but...
I'm tired. 
- She's tired.
No... 
She's very sleepy.
What? 
Sure, I'll come alone.
Come off it!
I won't come on my own.
Because I don't like to.
Lianella's there?
Hug her on my account too.
Who? 
Titta?
What are you saying?
You don't know her at all.
- What?
You're jealous of Lianella.
What did you say?
Go on, repeat it.
What am I?
You must be joking.
Lianella's delightful.
But I don't fear Bardot herself.
Fancy me being jealous.
I hate nags.
Cut it out. 
Just say no.
Want me to look like a bore who locks up her husband?
No, nothing.
A thriller's waiting for me.
I wouldn't swap it for you.
You must be mad.
Really?
Stop that.
Know what? 
Sandro's on his way.
But that's why he's coming.
Actually, let me know if he cuts a fine figure.
What are you up to?
It's all settled. 
Bye!
All done? 
- Yes, madam.
Anything else? 
- Good night.
I don't want to go dancing alone.
But why?
I don't want people to say I hold you captive.
Hurry up!
Don't tell me you hate it.
Roberto's a nice chap.
I can't sleep...
See? 
Keep moving, then.
Get ready.
Yes, but...
Wear your alpaca suit.
It's much cooler.
And your black, Hermès tie...
Your carnelian cufflinks...
Black, cinnamon, carnelian...
It's a perfect match.
Well? 
Are you daydreaming?
What's up?
A sexy combination...
Petticoat and hat.
Really?
I look so ugly tonight.
- A real monster.
Just as well Lianella will make up for it.
Why don't you come too?
Find it odd for a woman to let her husband be admired by her friends, knowingly?
You don't say!
- Of course.
Titta...
Stop that!
Don't keep them waiting.
Since you've chosen everything else, choose my shirt, too.
All right.
Don't just stand there.
Get undressed.
Titta, please...
I got it.
I won't budge until you're ready.
By the way, how old is your Lianella?
Nineteen, twenty?
Nineteen. 
- A young girl.
You must admit I've got better legs.
You have the world's greatest legs.
Sure... and narrow hips too.
I never said that.
- It's true. 
Look!
If only I had a couple of extra centimetres.
Well? 
What now?
Titta...
- Will you get dressed?
What are you doing?
What's come over you?
Titta, you're so...
Stop it.
Go away. 
You'll be late.
Go and get dressed.
- Let me caress your feet first.
Will you please go away?
You're all mine.
You'll embarrass me.
I warn you.
Don't get me started.
What happens if I do?
Just show me.
You can be pig-headed at times.
Mind my hat!
Hurry up, now.
Or they'll think I made a scene.
As for your friend Roberto...
Guess what he dared tell me?
He invited you in order to see me.
He says...
Forget it.
- Go on. 
What does he say?
Can't you even do up your shirt?
What does Roberto say?
He was joking. 
Nothing.
It's not the first time.
He says he likes me a lot...
When he sees me... his mouth goes dry and his blood rises to his ears.
Charming!
He's a true friend.
- I nearly forgot. 
He said...
"Titta... you have an unforgettable mouth, worth losing one's soul for."
He said what?
He was just being funny.
- Funny, my foot!
Go away.
Besides, what can you tell from a mouth?
Hello?
Robertaccio!
Of course. 
He just left.
Have fun.
When you get there, have a brandy.
You're a little off color.
She's honest about thrillers, though.
She loves them and they induce her to sleep.
But when, sometimes, they don't work...
What? 
- Turn around.
Titta, I'm sound sleep.
- But I'm not.
Well, then?
Give Titta a little scratch, so Titta can go beddy-byes and leave you alone.
No, be good now!
I'm falling asleep.
I'm wide awake now.
Keep going.
Keep scratching, don't be selfish.
Sorry!
Care for a drink?
- No. 
Just a second...
What about giving it a little oil?
- Sounds like a cicada, quite cute.
But if it bothers you...
Having problems? 
- What?
Looking for a word or an idea?
Any point in asking me?
It's not that, darling. 
I'm editing.
- You could dictate it to me.
I can't do it that way.
If someone stands behind me when I'm writing, I...
Right. 
I'm sorry!
I'm not up to it, I know.
Come off it.
- You may wonder why you married me.
Apart from the obvious.
Are you out?
- To everyone.
Hello? 
How are you?
I can barely hear you.
It must be your telephone.
Okay. 
Do call again.
It was Lianella, your floozy.
She's asked me out.
- Great!
You're getting rid of me.
- No, darling.
Hello!
I hear you clearly now.
Sorry, my dear. 
I can't.
I must stay at home.
Go...
Sandro's working, you know.
Which means he's in another world.
In a trance.
He looks so powerless, desperately needing protection.
Afraid so...
Intellectuals looks so self-assured, but they yearn for everything.
Understanding, atmosphere...
Do me a favor! 
Assist him?
That's not the point.
Though I was an A student.
Of course, I keep very quiet.
But now and then I give him a suggestion, a clue...
By the way...
I bumped into Carlotta.
She's double the size.
"Fat is beautiful", she says.
She may have fewer lines but she's as wide as a desk!
Sandro! 
The swing!
Enough! 
Enough of being a recluse in my home.
Fresh air, where are you?
Star, you're a sun surrounded by servant planets.
There are billions of suns in our galaxy alone...
And there are billions of galaxies in the universe.
Think what all of you men are with your egos.
Infinitesimal particles of nothing.
Starting with me, naturally. 
Perhaps...
Oh, infinity!
True...
Yet, humans don't care.
Other things matter more.
They sleep.
Bet she's not wearing her pyjama pants...
There! 
Told you!
Too bad!
Titta, are you still in the bathroom?
I feel like having an early night too.
After five days away...
Do it up for me, please.
What's this?
See what I do for you?
- For me?
Yes, so that you have an attractive wife.
Sorry, but I...
- Can't speak right now!
Phoned Trepossi, immediate answer.
Will meet you tomorrow.
9 a.m., usual café.
Okay.
'Night, sweetheart.
- 'Night.
END OF DAY ONE
DAY TWO
Humans are so selfish.
Laughing at someone else's misery.
I'll jump off because you disgust me.
Your horns are as tall as a tower.
You bunch of vultures gorging on the dead!
Your wallets are full of whores!
You sewer rats with yachts!
They'll put a tax on your horns soon!
He says he's unemployed.
- If all the unemployed...
We'll applaud!
He's not going to jump.
- He will.
No, he won't.
It's all bullshit.
Let's get out of here.
Kill him!
Teach him a lesson.
Look, he's blown his head off.
What a shot, man!
- Gee, this is fun!
Good morning!
- Good morning, sir.
Some laugh at people's troubles, others live off them.
Congratulations. 
I envy you.
We must keep fit.
Look! 
Do what I do.
Bend forward, chest out...
Bend forward, chest out...
Breathe in...
Loosening up...
Loosening up...
That's how you get your reward, is it?
Excellence...
Sack Tagliaferri and the crisis will end.
He comes Panizza. 
- Is he centre centre?
- Centre right. 
- Really?
Centre right pragmatist.
A rationalist, that is.
Watch out, Colantuoni's observing us.
He's related to Tagliaferri.
Cut him off from the right and you'll win.
I'll keep in touch.
Befriending the enemy, are we?
- Just testing the ground.
Will they compromise?
- Did they tell you?
I have the names.
Eight plus Morganti.
Centre right, too?
- True blue.
Look at that creep.
- Let's nominate Colantuoni in lieu of Tagliaferri.
- And make them stronger?
We'll trap them anyhow.
No word from Tagliaferri yet.
Waiting for a union move?
- He had a stroke and lost his speech.
What about Colantuoni?
- He wants Zacco to speak first.
The Senate will give him the chop.
- Perfect!
Guess who their candidate is.
- Speak up.
The accord's 4th man...
- A moderate.
Laurenzi. 
- I knew it.
Their candidate? 
- Pinin.
With Panizza. 
- But he's centre right!
- Centre centre.
Tagliaferri has passed away.
Gentlemen...
Tagliaferri...
Let's go, please.
Come along.
It's give and take.
Our Under-Secretary No. 7 will be...
Finizio!
God Forbid! 
I'm a simple...
Say yes.
Or we'll have to start from scratch.
In that case, for the sake of peace...
My portrayal, my friends, will make you die of scorn.
May I?
Forgive my intruding, but it's 8.30.
You're to see Trepossi at 9 o'clock.
Damn it!
They can break into your car, dismantle it in broad daylight, no cop will notice.
But park in a restricted zone for one minute and...
At least I'm not the only one.
There are 6 other victims.
Here comes the eighth.
To each their turn.
That's equality for you.
Sir, Mr. Trepossi couldn't wait.
You can call him at the paper.
Not before 12, he said.
But it's hardly 9 o'clock.
Three hours is no big deal.
Time flies. 
A strong black?
Forget it.
Hurry up! 
Move! 
Faster!
You bunch of lazy sheep!
Stop! 
Or it's the end of you.
Urbis et orbi...
Urbis et orbi...
No doubt human beings are born with a God complex.
The moment they walk on a podium...
Be it a podium, stage or balcony....
It's me, up here, and you, down there.
Pumpkin game! 
Pumpkin game!
I'll be the farmer.
- No, I will.
Why? 
- You were yesterday.
Today it's my turn.
So, you'll be pumpkin 1, pumpkin 2...
- Four! 
- Three!
No. 5, 6 and 7.
Three pumpkins are missing from my plot.
Why 3?
- How many, then?
Two. 
- Why two?
- How many, then?
One pumpkin.
- Why one?
Where the death of 50 million people was planned: 
MUNICH 1938
Eight pumpkins are missing from my plot!
Why eight pumpkins, please?
How many then?
- Seven pumpkins.
Why seven?
- How many then?
Three pumpkins.
Why three?
- How many then?
Eight! 
Then eight there shall be!
I said, three.
I said, eight pumpkins.
- Why...?
eight pumpkins?
Why?
How many, then?
No more than seven pumpkins.
Then I say the entire plot!
No. 
I refuse to march with all these morons.
No way.
Gee, it's cool!
It's so hot outside.
This is the real thing.
No air-conditioning.
Very well.
I know why you're in here.
"Refugium Peccatorum", my foot!
"Frigidarium Peccatorum" is more like it.
"Refugium" is okay when it rains.
True. 
It would be quite enlightening compiling a list of the reasons why people go to God's house.
Other than the weather, I mean.
There's worse.
Some come here just to gather their thoughts.
I'd better jot that down or I'll forget.
What about those lovely ladies flocking to mass in a cloud of devotion and Diorissimo?
I will pray, worship and sing, with my gorgeous diamond ring.
Virgin Mary, be my rock.
I look lovely in this frock.
In the Lord I will confide.
Look at my front, back and side.
O merciful St Theodore, my hat is from Dior.
When I look at you, from up here,
I ask myself:
"Are there no poor people in my parish?"
But when I look at the alms box in the sacristy, I ask myself:
"Where are the rich?"
I'll pay the balance, when you get me the contract.
Understand?
Yet, it's not so long ago when men flocked to church with great enthusiasm.
And you couldn't get them out.
Any partisans in here?
We must search now! 
- You can't.
- We'll do what we please!
Watch out!
Keep back!
Other functions of God's house:
education and tourism.
At last!
Someone who's here to pray.
660... 690...
Thirty days' indulgence for ejaculation.
He'll earn 50 years before vespers.
After all, it's quite true, you don't have to deserve God's love.
God has to deserve yours by... by making Himself useful.
Make Roma win the match.
Also Spal, Atalanta and Padova.
Make Milan, Bologna and Fiorentina lose.
Make all the others draw.
Amen.
Good Lord, make the government fall.
It's in your interest too.
Grant my wish, Lord.
Make that crook drop dead.
You can do that.
Or do you want me to see to it?
Then you come here, you kneel down, an act of contrition and a few Hail Marys, and everything is fine.
If only I had it my way...
Tell me, my son.
I stole public money.
I can't hear you.
I stole public money.
Louder!
I stole public money.
Louder!
I stole public money.
Everyone can hear me.
Just what I wanted.
You shameless crook!
Tell me, my child.
- I was rude to my father.
Actually, I insulted him to defend Pop Art.
You insulted your father to defend what?
Pop Art.
Go and say the Lord's Prayer in front of the altar.
And sing Waltzing Matilda in front of the Cenotaph.
They'll think I'm nuts.
- But you are nuts.
Totally nuts! 
Get out of here!
And you? 
What are your sins?
What are yours?
Mine?
Mine...
Mine...
Trams!
More selfishness galore.
Why don't I ever catch them?
Push them in. 
It's empty inside.
Where are you going?
It's packed.
Didn't you say it was empty?
Not Indro! 
He's a pain.
How will I get rid of him?
Peppino told me about your survey on selfishness.
I have stacks of information.
- I must go.
I'll come too. 
- Don't!
Remember, I have stacks of information.
See you soon.
- Don't forget. 
Bye.
Excuse me. 
- Sorry.
I was saying goodbye.
A funeral.
How sad. 
- It disturbs me.
Such is life.
Occasionally, we do feel for our fellow humans.
Children rejoicing at a sudden holiday.
The President's been shot.
I recommend the 85,000 lira package.
Satin coffin, gold and plumage...
All-inclusive.
When did he leave?
Let's go for the 56,000 one.
I have to tell you it's a tad sombre.
Last rites in Via Palermo, 2.
- Okay.
White coffin to Via Boncompagni, 43.
Deluxe carriage.
Accident in Corso Italia.
Hold it. 
- Quickly! 
- Go on.
A Mercedes and a Buick...
All Americans. 
Three coffins by sea.
Hello? 
I need another obituary column for Mr. Ceresia Papabon.
Another one? 
Where can I put it?
So many deaths today!
- It's only one person.
A massacre!
- He was a general.
Your funeral notice must wait until tomorrow.
It's all over for him.
Listen, I have another obituary column.
Keep the two births on hold.
No way! 
They came from the boss himself.
Our editor, you jackass.
Maybe he was behind them.
By the way, remove "Heart of a City".
No one's sending donations.
Hello! 
- Hi, selfishness-flogger.
I've something for you.
Is the suicide off? 
- Yes.
I'd found a good title.
- What?
I'll read you the facts first.
Where's the suicide note?
You, who deny altruism...
- But this is a suicide.
"My beloved, it breaks my heart having to leave you, etc...
At least the creditors won't be hard on you and the kids."
So, bang, he shot himself.
- Poor devil.
"You're a strong woman, though you never worked.
No sacrifice will be too great for the good of our children."
There are three plus one on the way.
"As I face the ultimate sacrifice,
I entrust my old and frail mother to you."
Well...
"My mother and Maria, too." 
- As well!
"You know an asylum would kill her.
Keep her in Blossom House at all costs."
Blast him!
- It's already been done.
"Goodbye, Enrica. 
I'm dying for you.
I only have one last wish.
Remember our pledge on our first night?
Of course you do.
So you won't remarry.
This is the last wish of your..."
Title?
- "Generosity of a Suicide."
No. "You Won't be Alone."
Who's here for Mr. Trepossi?
- Me.
Can I have it? 
- Sure.
He had to rush to the Vatican.
He'd like you to call him.
Your Eminence...
Okay. 
I'll call him.
Sandro!
Hi! 
How are you?
- I'm fine. 
And you?
Two illustrious men together.
Give me a break!
- Push off.
All spruced up, so dapper...
Where are you off to?
- The Robertis'... their annual do.
The Capranica Award is coming up.
No? 
- Thanks.
So, you got it?
- Not yet. 
It's no big deal.
Will it be your third award this year?
Who cares?
Wait. 
I'll take it from here.
You'll look taller.
Brotherly...
Awards don't mean a thing.
Trepossi wants me to go to the Robertis'.
"You were chosen unanimously.
But you must be there", he said.
Is he in?
- Yes, he is.
He was about to go out.
I'm pressed for time.
Besides, I might even impress the refined female audience.
Good luck. 
- I'll need it.
You sure will. 
All spruced up and his fly open.
Really? 
His fly open?
Doesn't he know?
And you didn't tell him?
So, he'll get there...
with his britches undone?
Why do you think I was photographing from below?
Think of the headline...
"An Opening in the Centre"
Holy shit!
See you. 
- You creep!
Sandro? 
Here he comes.
Weren't you Moratti's friend?
Peppino, yes...
Why "weren't I"?
Milan just called.
He died this morning.
Peppino's dead?
God! 
He was my age.
How? 
- An accident.
Just as well...
I'm holding.
We'll get the details tonight.
What a halfwit! 
A worker was falling from the scaffolding and he ran to catch him with open arms.
Will you write the story?
Who better than you?
"In this world of false bravery, wickedness and false compassion, false generosity and false friendship perhaps you were the only one left, Peppino, the last true altruist, the last true hero and the last true friend.
No one will love me now unless I feign requital of their love.
And consistent to the very last moment, you met with death as you were offering life.
Forever, in our minds, we'll see you running with open arms as if about to welcome a child's embrace.
I'll try, Peppino, although my arms are always so obstinately crossed, to defend the sterility and mistrust I harbour within.
Like you, I'll try to open them to all, unconditionally.
I'm not saying I'll succeed.
But I promise I'll try."
Moving, very moving.
Arrogant, but very clever.
Cut it out.
You've spoken... about friendship in a very credible way, in a touching way.
Think so? 
- Look at me.
Look at her, she's powdering herself.
The fact is...
Peppino... was Peppino.
- So unique.
Too unique. 
Give me that.
Apparently he didn't die.
- What?
He's in an oxygen tent, but he's still alive.
Can't be.
What? 
- Nothing. 
- Nothing?
Fortunately, our dear Peppino... isn't dead.
Yes. 
We've just had a telex.
Apparently he revived at the hospital.
Cardiotonics, oxygen tents, all those new things...
Besides, the worker was Sardinian, you know, small and lighter than usual.
Are you serious?
God, I'm so happy.
Relieved, you mean.
Shame, though.
What? 
- I mean...
Such a great piece going to waste.
What are you saying?
It's about a human life and a friend.
But I wish that in a hundred years, he might die like that, with his arms open...
"Open arms... as if about to welcome a child's embrace."
Right. 
Let's keep it for then.
- Please!
Don't! 
The worker survived.
A Sard, healthy and sturdy.
Peppino died on the spot.
His arms open, as you put it.
They took him home.
Give me the galleys. 
They can go.
Hold on...
Look, they wrote "cild" instead of "child".
We'll fix it.
The first plane to Milan?
- Tomorrow at 7 a.m.
Seven?
Damn! 
A black cat!
A very bad omen.
Where am I going?
That's all I needed when I'm late for my plane.
Good day. 
After you.
- Thanks.
Old women are exempt.
It's all nonsense, anyhow.
Not Indro again!
I won't let you go this time.
I'm sorry. 
You always catch me when I'm leaving.
Here's my cab.
I'm going to Milan, the 7 o'clock flight...
You know who died?
- I know.
Peppino. 
- You know...
To the airport, please.
I read your story. 
Sheer poetry.
- You read it?
Yes. 
My whole family did.
All moved to tears.
Peppino was a dear friend.
- A wonderful man.
And such a fine writer too, so articulate, compassionate...
Almost irreplaceable.
Yes. 
- But in your story, you proved to be worthy of...
Nonsense! 
- I mean it.
Your style's impeccable.
Come on, don't be silly!
I wrote that in about...
half an hour. 
Fifteen minutes.
Weren't you in a hurry?
- Have a safe journey!
You must hear what Bonomelli was saying about your story.
Going to the paper?
I'll give you a lift.
What about Bonomelli?
What was he saying?
Nice of you to come. 
From Rome.
Just in time, they're about to close it.
Bye, now.
Francesca...
- Mr. Sandro...
Peppino, what have you done?
Maybe I should kiss him.
But it's too late now.
We'll never argue, Peppino, never stroll together again.
And your voice, that dear voice of yours is no more.
Gone forever.
Well? 
How come I'm not crying?
Peppino? 
I really loved you.
It's hard to realize.
He said the same thing when his poor wife passed away.
We don't realize.
It's only after, day by day, that it hits you.
And you feel the real loss.
Sure. 
But you're crying.
And me? 
Not even a tear?
That'snoton .
Peppino, who's going to love me the way you did?
You, the last true altruist, last true benefactor, last true hero, last true... friend.
Nothing, not a tear.
How can that be?
I'll have to think of someone else. 
Who?
My mom... 
Yes, Mom.
No way, nothing doing.
Okay.
Go ahead.
What are you doing?
You can't obliterate a man just like that.
Are you mad? 
Are you mad?
Obliterate him... forever?
I'm sorry.
It's hard to accept we'll never see such a dear face again.
Sorry.
I didn't know you loved Daddy so much.
Perhaps we should move into the other room.
Sandro... 
Can I call you Sandro?
- Of course, madam.
Mrs...? 
- Luigia, his sister-in-law.
Remember me?
Yes, from Barletta.
You're the mother of... that little girl...
- Nicetta. 
Yes.
Here she is.
Thank you very much.
It was kind of you to come.
Poor child... 
First her mother, now her father...
Sit down.
Don't be afraid.
You won't be alone.
You'll be home for the summer.
We'll visit you. 
Mr. Sandro too.
Of course.
- Will you really?
You've written wonderful things about her dad.
In a true Christian spirit, even though...
You're closer to God than you think.
We'll have our girls pray for you as well.
So the Lord may grant all your wishes.
Each and every one of them.
Mr. Sandro! 
You look devastated.
You look exhausted.
- I'm a little...
You can't travel tonight.
You're welcome to stay.
Leave tomorrow.
- We'll be less lonely.
I can't.
Soon after the...
I must be in Rome in the morning, absolutely.
Let me show you something.
I got it in Paris.
And isn't this one gorgeous?
One... and two.
You've a one-track mind.
- Always.
Wherever I am.
Even in a hospital, I swear.
I went to visit a friend.
He was very ill.
I saw this nurse parading in the corridor.
I followed her and ended up in the wrong ward.
Well, that reaction can be regarded, biologically speaking, as almost inevitable.
Indeed, it's the proximity of death that stimulates our desire for... desire for life.
You reckon? 
- Of course.
Holy shit!
Education's a great thing.
I thought that desire was... a filthy urge.
Wake me up at 8 with a coffee, please.
Don't worry. 
See to the lady.
Swedish...
Same berth.
I know what I'll do tonight sitting down there.
I won't sleep a wink.
I'll stare at the door of their berth.
Imagination's my weakness.
That door will disappear.
It'll be like staring at them, moment by moment...
What they say, how they look at each other, how they lie...
And so on. 
What can I do?
I can't help it.
At least, I say it quite openly:
I'm a pig. 
Is that my fault?
Nonsense.
We're suffocated by the idea of all-pervading sex.
Fault? 
It's not your fault or mine.
Yours? 
It could never be your fault, you're an artist.
As you said, it's a research, a moral inquiry...
Even anguish, because you suffer for it.
I read that for you eroticism is despair...
Soul-searching.
That's right, it's soul-searching.
Never mind that.
What I mean is we can blame the wars we went through, all right, they moral decline they caused, but especially women.
For their constant exhibitionism.
Observe how they dress, walk...
It's a constant provocation.
Conductor? 
- Yes, sir.
- Can you shut that window?
It's draughty.
I agree with you.
It's a constant provocation.
They come along with a defiant look...
Their hair falling over their eyes, slothfully resting on one side, like Phidias' Apollo.
Venus. 
- Apollo.
In their tight jeans...
Look at that.
All done, sir.
Good night.
So, since we're provoked...
Let there be no misunderstanding.
I mean women, females!
The subjects of our fairytales, songs, dreams...
Beatrice...
Silvia...
Laura...
True woman.
Women...
who seem to have descended from heaven to prove the existence of miracles on earth.
Right.
And they say men have one-track minds.
Yes, men...
Can I call you Sandro?
Luigia, his sister-in-law, from Barletta.
Don't you remember?
The mother of a blond, little girl... who's not so blond... or little any more.
She's so fond of you.
Thank you, thank you very much.
It was so kind of you to come.
You'll visit us, won't you?
You will, won't you?
Mr. Sandro!
You look devastated.
Devastated? 
I'm disgusted.
When the most... the most decent, the most innocent looking, the most loyal...
I didn't know you loved Daddy so much.
Are you with me? 
Anyway...
If a man's eye was replaced by the lens of a camera...
Have you ever met a woman who doesn't want to be a star?
Who would be content to be admired by a few?
That would be normal.
But by everyone, over and above all other women?
Not yet. 
Another cushion.
Another one...
But you're showing...
- Just suggesting. 
Go on.
Just a sec.
A few more drops...
My eyes are very important.
Tell me...
Do they stand out?
- I see nothing else.
Like it better this way?
Hang on! 
The earrings are too tacky.
What look do you want?
The bashful look. 
- What?
The bashful look.
Don't close it!
Forget ministers and Cardinals.
It's a movie star.
She's leaving on the sleeper.
You've convinced me, sir.
You're right. 
But she's a must.
An autograph, Mrs Silvia!
They're all pretty ugly, except one who's a monster.
Quiet! 
Their mothers and aunts are all around us.
Aren't you competing?
No. 
I'm here with my cousin.
How old?
She's twenty.
- I mean you.
A touch curious, isn't he?
Twenty-seven.
Stand up, please.
Why should I?
- No need to ask questions.
Miss, I'm the director. 
If I ask...
- There must be a reason.
Really?
- Want me to beseech you?
I beg of you! 
- Silvia...
Someone to help us.
Just what we want.
What do you do, Miss?
- Now I'm sitting down.
Then, I'll go.
What do you do for a living?
Clerk, housewife?
She's an English teacher.
- Are you married?
No. 
You're cross-examining me?
Good! 
The cameraman's here.
Let's have a test. 
Now.
Come, dear.
Your friend thinks attracting a girl with the lure of cinema is like shooting a cow in a hall.
- What? 
What?
You wrote it yourself.
So, tell your pal he's wasting his time with me as I don't accept this nonsense.
Like you, he shouldn't insist.
I didn't insist out of...
Consistency. 
Right?
I'm ill at ease here.
Offer me a drink.
We'll offer you the bar, if you like.
Don't worry.
Leave it to me.
Silvia... 
Good for you.
No dilly-dallying, straight upstairs...
And into the shower.
- Immediately.
What a pain!
He wouldn't let go.
He even tried to come up.
Are all directors like that?
- The moron even said...
"I see. 
Love is in the air." 
- What an idiot!
Now that we're finally alone, tell me...
- Can you pour a Scotch? 
It's all ready.
Tell me frankly your overall impression.
For us, a revelation.
And for you?
- The need for a shower.
We'll talk about it.
You were so incredibly beautiful, majestic, ideal...
I'm glad you followed my advice.
It's all clear now.
You hit the jackpot...
I'm due to sign tomorrow.
Really? 
- That fat, bald guy told me.
- The producer.
You'd gone for your car.
Yes, he jumped in at once, the jerk.
And now, after freshening up, may I know your impression?
I was afraid. 
- No way!
You looked so calm, in full control.
That's why. 
I was afraid for not being afraid.
On the contrary...
I could see myself in the lens of the camera.
And I loved what I saw.
I was there, alone... just me.
I was alone... isolated.
Isolated from what?
From everything and everyone... aloof.
A total break from the past...
A clean slate.
I, who miss every passing minute and don't want to have any regrets.
Well?
Well, what do you say?
Me? 
Nothing.
I don't want to have any regrets either.
Clouds are lucky.
They go with the wind.
Their journey's so serene.
They'll be in Naples soon.
- Why Naples?
They're travelling south.
And Naples is a happy place.
Wouldn't it be great to go to Naples with those clouds?
Thanks.
How? 
- My car's downstairs.
Know the road to Sperlonga?
Fabulous, cliffs on one side and sea on the other.
We'll reach Naples quickly and catch the ferry to Capri.
And tonight we can sip a drink in the piazza.
What would happen in Capri?
Nothing. 
What could happen?
We'll look at the sea... conspiratorially aware of our juvenile escapade.
It would be wonderful.
Early in the morning we'd go down to Marina Piccola.
The water shouldn't be cold.
We'd have our first swim of the season, and then let ourselves go to the sweet pleasure of being different, away from it all... friends, as we are already.
But happier for being that.
Who are you dining with?
- Nobody. 
As you know.
Well, then?
Capri's impossible...
You're signing tomorrow.
What about Naples?
We'll be back by midnight. 
Okay?
Okay.
I'll get dressed.
What... what did you say?
I'll get dressed and pack.
We're going to Capri, not Naples.
It's nicer, isn't it?
But... what about your contract?
There'll be no contract.
That's my decision.
If you want to.
- If I want to?
Yes, if you want.
Sorry, I've never been at ease in these matters till now.
Look over here, Silvia.
- Raise the Lion.
Higher...
Kiss it.
- Go on. 
It doesn't bite.
Will you spare a word for our viewers? 
Thanks.
Our cameras are ready.
This way.
Silvia, are you happy with the Lion?
Yes. 
I love animals.
Even the wild ones?
- This isn't so wild.
It's a battle to catch it...
Did you have to fight hard?
I used all the strength...
of my producer and director, of course.
One last question. 
Would you like to share your joy with anyone?
"Like", no, "should", yes.
Who's the lucky guy?
The man who encouraged me to act.
Can you tell us the name of this genius?
Than man over there.
Who is he?
- An Italian writer.
Let's invite him.
You can't let us down.
- Thank you but...
But it's not true.
- Very true.
It's been a long time, but remember the clouds?
And Miss New Face?
Raise the Lion!
A daring scene, and a very daring behaviour but you carried it off with such style... with the most refined elegance.
Absolutely enchanting.
Sin is not a naked body.
I wish we were all naked...
Free at last, no more hypocrisy or fear...
We'd greet each other, exchange niceties, smell each other...
all nude, beautiful and tanned as in an ad.
You looked wonderful.
When I think that I also contributed...
Frankly, how do you feel when you think about it?
Proud?
- That too. 
Maybe not.
It's hard to tell.
You see...
I feel a sort of gratitude.
A sense of appreciation...
A novel feeling.
Listen dear, if you're after the same thing you needn't fuss around for days.
Venice is as famous as Capri for that sort of thing.
And handler too, it's here.
Go on. 
Send for a gondola.
But please, don't confuse the issues.
Nudity, feelings...
What a mess!
I think I finally realized why you wanted us to be alone.
I'd say so.
I also know you haven't understood, despite tonight's success, that I had to disappoint you.
True, that was my role.
I had to convince you to become... what you are today.
That's right.
I didn't understand it at all.
That implies you've resented me for years.
I'm flattered by that.
Why? 
What have I robbed you of?
Don't tell me you had domestic goals?
That too. 
Why not?
A husband, a teaching job, a house, a washing machine...
Why not?
Seeing a movie with a man who loves Silvia, the woman, not the star.
Making babies...
Why not? 
Why not?
Then, drop the lot. 
Go back.
Don't you realize?
You're a queen wherever you go.
You're admired all over the world.
But if you now...
Look. 
That's the second cigarette you've put out after a couple of puffs.
You were born a star.
Let's be honest. 
Do you want to?
That's all I want.
But you must too.
That day, did you come to the contest just to accompany your cousin?
See?
I went only for you.
I knew you were on the panel.
I wanted to meet the man who wrote those things.
Hoping you'd be like him.
But you chose to travel with the clouds on a couch.
Going back... 
Too late.
Today, I miss nothing, regret nothing...
I need nothing and no one.
And that means a total vacuum.
Great, isn't it?
THE END
Subtitles: 
SBS, Australia, 1996
Synced and edited by:
marooned2  rosethorn, 'Tik, 2015

THE SEVENTH CONTINENT
Dad! 
Dad, what is violin called when it's big?
Is this seat taken? 
We'll sit here, Dolly.
Our basket can be on the ground.
There we go.
May I remind you that we have something in common, that we should take care about?
We do care, darling. 
Everyone on its own way. 
- Dad!
Dad, when will the captain turn around?
- Please, leave some questions for tomorrow.
I saw a real captain!
And I saw a big violin! 
- You know, captain is turning around only when ship does.
Dad, dad, it fell!
- What happened? 
What fell?
My little basket!
Dad will buy you a new one. 
- But seagulls are in the basket! 
- We'll buy them too.
Imagine, Dolly, seagulls trapped in a basket.
How many seagulls were in the basket?
- Two.
And three hanks and little scissors.
- Come.
We're going to get the seagulls?
- Yes.
You know, we wouldn't found them without the map.
Is this your boat?
- From here to here is mine, the rest belongs to my parents.
Will it be mine too? 
Just a little bit?
- Well, yes.
Who taught you that?
- A sailor.
We're going.
The captains salutes to me. 
You know, that's how captains salute to others.
There's no basket!
- Maybe it went to... some other sea.
What other?
- There's Black sea, Red, Yellow,
Green sea and Atlantic.
- I like yellow!
Good evening.
Good night, good night, good night!
What sea is this?
They forgot to color this sea!
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
minus one, five.
What is that? 
- That is half of something. 
- Of what?
You know, that's the white whale.
He's not moving.
- Maybe he's asleep.
That's an island!
This island is constantly getting inside my shoe!
Show me the seagulls.
They'll come back.
What is that?
Maybe it's...
This is a funny boat! 
You just knock and go inside.
This is just a door, the real boat is over there!
It's gone.
The sea must've taken it away.
- Taken it where?
Look on the map.
What is that? 
A flower?
...four, five, six, seven.
It's not! 
It couldn't fit on such a small map!
What kind of tree is that?
- You know... a small tree.
What are you doing? 
The sea can run out.
Here's the water.
Who planted that?
- I did that on purpose.
You can knit socks with this fruit.
If only there's hundred of us, we could've clasp it.
If only there's hundred of us, and more, we could've clasp the whole forest.
We'll cut out the children.
- And we'll plant them to grow.
There's no children here.
Maybe they're asleep.
Where are they sleep?
- In their beds.
There's no beds here.
- Beds are inside the houses.
Here, in the biggest one.
It will be plenty of children there.
This cannot be planted.
A house is not a tree.
Then how are we going to go inside?
- We'll knock on the door.
Drop it, drop it! 
Drop that ugly house!
There, they're here! 
Children are not on this side, they're on other one!
I don't see them.
- I saw them.
What are you doing?
Come to us. 
Come.
Come, what are you waiting for?
It's raining.
Don't be scared. 
Come, come to us.
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe...
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe!
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe...
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe!
Mom, mom, what kind of tree is this?
Dad!
Dad!
Join us!
Come with me. 
Jump!
Yes, police station.
Louder, please. 
What's missing? 
A boy?
Yes, yes. 
Don't be worried, we were all children once.
I was running away from home once.
Information about him, please.
Alright.
A girls is missing? 
What?
Sailed on the old chair?
Please... 
On sails or it had a motor?
Alright, don't get mad. 
Information please.
Alright.
Alright, you just keep talking.
What? 
A child again?
Blond boy, six years old,
Height is about... 
- Take it easy, man!
Where do you think you are?
My children are missing! 
- Wait! 
First of all, this is not the way to behave.
All in order. 
Description, when did they go missing, under what circumstances and why.
Like this. 
My wife noticed that from children's room... 
- Hallo?
Generals daughter? 
Oh my God.
I understand. 
Of course. 
Yes, yes.
Yes, with picture book.
Yes, I understand. 
Of course, we'll do everything right away.
We'll find a picture book too! 
Yes, sir!
It was like this. 
My wife noticed a little bed floating in the room, and on it...
And two of our children on it. 
Then she called for help, and until I arrived, children sailed away.
Your wife.
Yes, it's me.
What?
Impossible.
When did he disappear?
Taxi!
Urgently to the police!
Citizens, citizens, calm down!
Investigation is underway.
As soon as we find something...
- People, don't crowd! 
Stop it!
Make way! 
- Can't you see we're waiting too? 
- We have to come trough!
Who are you? 
- Does it matter who we are and from where we come from!
Something terrible has happened! 
- Our children are missing! 
- Not just your children!
3 of mine are missing! 
- 5 of mine!
- People, stop!
Stairway is full!
I told you we're not accepting photos without information on other side.
Personal description, age and address!
His position is in full accordance with the situation.
Who would think there's so many children in this place.
If I may be so insole, I'd like that my matter be investigated urgently.
Did you have more interesting case in your career? 
- Will you create a reward?
Are you intending to activate retired policemen? 
- Next question.
Will you ask for military assistance?
- Can this be used in war purposes?
It's seen that one child is sailing on a wooden horse, is that a new Trojan horse?
I'm not authorized to talk about that.
- Your opinion on modern marriage?
Maybe Barbara Derr will stop filming because her daughter is missing!
Maybe it's a blackmail!
- What amount is that?
Your favourite author of crime novels?
- Do you have any more questions?
Are political speculations hiding behind this event?
Can you confute that you're not giving advantage of children based on political activity of their parents?
Attention! 
Attention!
Search for the missing children is going according to previously accorded plan.
To maintain order and peace in the meantime, it's necessary that everyone who left their workplace in panic, return immediately and get involved in working process.
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe!
Now I'll show you the biggest tree on the world.
It's big like two trees!
- What he ate to be so big?
Maybe he slept after lunch.
- Can he get any bigger?
Yes. 
- When is that growing?
- At night, when no one is watching.
It must have a big name.
- It doesn't, it's named Tree.
What's on the top? 
- If here's Saturday, up there is Sunday. 
- No, cloud is up there.
What did he say now?
- He didn't say, he's playing.
Look over there, it's playing there!
Show us.
Attention!
Citizens will receive statistical forms, that are related to the missing children.
Filled forms are to be given in alphabetical order in these days.
And government! 
What government did in this situation, is just flashing before our eyes. 
They're creating statistic files from our misery!
Our children are just forms to them!
Try to go home by subway or by bus!
Try to buy something by yesterdays prices! 
Try anything!
It's in vain, citizens! 
Those are the acts of those, who got your trust on last elections!
May this tragedy open your eyes! 
Next elections will be an exam of your maturity!
Citizens, vote for our political program, that guarantees system of complete security for you and your children!
And government! 
What government did in this situation, is just flashing before our eyes.
In the meantime, news about missing children are arriving from all over the world.
More details about that you can hear in the next program.
Parents, if you buy products from candy factory, Exquisite, you have more chance that your child will come home. 
Remember, Exquisite!
Exquisite! 
Exquisite!
For all children, Exquisite!
It is time that the Almighty turn his back on you!
Because, how many of you is worried for the salvation of their soul?
You're quiet.
Not even the heavenly gate keeper remembers when was the last time he received the last righteous one from this world!
Tell me, where are your children?
Where is your son? 
Where is your son?
And where is your daughter?
Where is your daughter?
And your child?
And your child?
And yours? 
And yours?
Yours? 
Yours?
If someone know, speak now.
Maybe you know.
Even if I do, I wouldn't tell you. 
No.
I mustn't get in the way in business of the Almighty.
My duty is to warn you!
The sings are shown!
Let me talk to my wife.
Yes, it's me. 
Calm down, please calm down!
Just in case report the missing to a detective agency, here's the number.
I'll call you later.
Yes?
Confirming reception.
Tango, Venus, Pope, Conus, Romeo.
I'm expecting instructions.
Spiral, Juliette, sending data.
By calculation alpha, engaging army units in searching missing children, ineffective.
Plan disturbed by emotional load of all military formations.
Crew of rocket units, Dad's mistake, absent 74.7 zero, zero.
Crew of the airplane base delta 3, absent 87.2 zero, zero.
Crew of the combined units, Moody Elephants, absent 100. zero, zero.
Commandants of the named deserted units, act by the section internal security, omega.
Activate remains of the scout formations and engage in the action of search.
Calculation concluded.
To go away! 
Stop, stop!
For all children, Exquisite!
And after finished preparations, first meeting of international commission starts today for coordination of children search.
I'm opening the first meeting of the international at hawk commission.
I suggest following agenda.
First, report about the results of technical expertise.
Second, forming a sub commission for collecting data about exact number of missing children in certain countries.
Third, election of commission for bringing recommendations about coordination act.
I'm putting the agenda proposition open for discussion.
I'm suggesting change in the name of sub commission like that, that we replace the word 'lost' with missing.
The word 'lost' represents the person of any age, that wander off without presence of their own will.
Person that started journey with goal to arrive on specific place, and didn't accomplish that, because lack of knowledge, or any other analog reason.
The word 'missing' has much wider meaning.
Because is not yet determined are the children missing by their own will, or by effect of some other, unidentified force.
In the name of my delegation, I protest against section two of the agenda!
because giving away precise number of missing children, deducting female gender, would give away secrets of military character!
Because of that, I insist that section two be removed from the agenda!
If there's no more remarks, I suggest we move on on the first section of agenda.
Report from technical expertise.
Examining series of items, identical to those that children allegedly sailed away, we established that some of that items have certain hydro-nautical abilities, where others are hydro-nautical immobile. 
Pay attention.
Purpose of this item is reducing the process of integration activity of the nervous system.
Two verticals web from sides are there for protection of consequences of exaggeratedly psychical activity in the state of sleep.
With experiments is determined, that even in water with ideal specific weight, item doesn't showing not even relative hydro-nautical characteristics.
According to that, its purpose is completely limited.
Next, please. 
This object is different from another by having certain hydro-nautical characteristics.
Please.
Well, as you can see, object is staying on surface thanks to its horizontal surface.
Now we'll burden in with weight in the size and weight of average seven years old child. 
Please.
Expertise had same similar conclusions examining other objects.
Every opposite claims are form of collective hallucinations.
Thank you for your attention.
I'm putting amendment to this proposition, because this commission possesses only authorities for suggesting!
Besides that, with unhidden regret, I have to conclude, to conclude!
- Not so loud, please.
Silence, please.
Don't disturb the speaker.
Continue, please.
- With unhidden regret, I have to conclude, that views of some delegations forced me, that in the name of my delegation, protest like this!
Tragic moments...
- My duty is to warn respected speaker that the time for his exposure is ended, so that he stops according to the rules, and does he want that description of his protest goes to record.
Of course, I insist on that!
One sided treatment of this problem, exclusively from psychological-emotive perspective, has led to higher temperature in discussion of sir delegates, where demographic, economic and social factors are forgotten.
Allow me to remind you on just one fact.
World production of food articles is significantly behind tempo and range of birthrate...
Gentlemen, someone is disturbing this meeting again!
Please, be quiet!
Missing children are becoming its positive opposite!
By experts assessments, now are created condition that standard  besides, we must not forget the fact that babies have stayed, which creates possibility for most optimistic views!
Can't you see that's the wrong seashell, grab another one.
There's no more.
- There was one for everyone.
Maybe it played what it knew and stopped.
- Maybe didn't know at all.
I think it's scared, tell her something nice.
Doll, butterfly, butterfly, doll.
Water! 
- Parasol!
- Umbrella!
Elephant, chicken, door.
Dew, grass, parrot.
Cake, cake, cake!
It doesn't work. 
- Pinch it!
- Put it in chimney.
Cut its hair. 
- Drew a mustache on it.
- Wait!
It's not trained. 
Let's learn it how to play.
How do you learn to play? 
- Across the street from 4 to six afternoon.
I remembered! 
There's a man with big violin.
He know how to learn to play. 
I'll go and ask him. 
Give me the seashell.
You'll go to school now.
Please, be careful.
How do you comment musical incident on today's 33rd meeting?
Effect of psychical fatigue. 
- Did you make some specific agreements?
It's to soon to talk about specific agreements, but in some preparation setups absolute agreement have been made.
What is the most important in this moment?
- Optimism.
What was made in that direction?
Sub commission for psychic rehabilitation has made a program for increasing the average of all-out optimism. 
Thank you.
Children! 
Children are coming!
Children are coming!
Where are the children? 
Where are they?
Who saw them?
Tell me who saw them? 
Where are the children? 
Where are the children?
They're coming behind the dock, behind the dock!
Where are others? 
- Stay calm, they might got scare and leave! 
- Where are they?
Is my Merthel with you?
- What about Karel?
My Sanja!
- Tell me where's my Tahir!
Wait, people! 
Quiet! 
Let's hear the children.
Where's the one with a big violin?
Who's that?
If he's here, let's hear him. 
- There's no big violins, they're all the same!
Why do you need him? 
To tell us how to teach a seashell how to play!
That's impossible! 
How can a seashell play! 
Absurd!
Seashells are playing. 
This one has to learn how to play, too!
Why should we talk to them? 
Let's catch them and they'll tell us where are the others!
Does anyone know to reply to the children?
Here's a writer, he can reply.
I don't know. 
Since the children left, I don't know anything anymore.
You learn how to play in music school!
And where's music school for seashells?
That school doesn't exist!
Then how we'll learn it to play?
- Maybe the one with big yellow snail knows!
I don't know, I don't want to interfere.
I never played on seashell.
Allow me, I work with seashells.
I cooked them so many times but I never hear them playing. 
- As far as I know, seashells create pearls, but doesn't play.
Is my Nikola with you? 
- Where are you, children? 
We searched you on six continents!
Show me where you are on the globe.
- Over there!
Tell our girl to come back. 
She can ask me anything she wants!
She can ask us all day long!
Tell me, children, what type is that seashell of yours?
Trokuz, Pero trokuz? 
Calcis or Calcidaria?
That's the one that doesn't know to play!
What are the dimensions? 
Give me the exact dimensions!
Show it!
- Here it is!
That's a typical example of natic, or gollium.
No way! 
It's polineces or mitilus!
- Polineces or mitilus?
That's nonsense. 
You can see right away that's stella continentalis.
When he was nine months old, I had to leave him alone much to often.
To calm him down, I was playing record with symphonies to him.
He like Kabalevski's sute the most.
So children, by carefully analyzing your question, we're decisively saying, seashell cannot play!
We'll lose them, they're going away!
THE END
Translated by Inglourious @KG

Who is it?
It's me, Peter.
Angela.
Good evening.
And Armando?
-Our car broke down...
He stayed to try and fix it, and I preferred to walk back.
Then I'll leave it open.
What time is it?
11:30, lady.
Goodnight.
-Goodnight, Peter.
Uncle John.
Uncle John.
'A... 
For Assassin'
"I am John Prescott."
"And this is my last will and testament."
"Is everyone here?"
"I think so."
"I know that this moment is too important for you."
How nice.
It's like he's here with us.
"Don't pretend to be upset, little sister..."
"Because no one's going to believe you."
"I am..." "Well, I was... very rich."
"That made your hearts jump."
"I'm lucky." "Few people amount to anything."
"Let's see..."
"Who will I leave all this money to?"
"There's my son, Julian, the last of the Prescotts..."
"Poor chap."
"My sister Martha, perhaps?
You looked after me like a wife."
"But how boring it was to have you always around me, like crow."
"With that horrible medallion you play with all the time!"
"Who, then?"
"To you, dear nephew George, and your faithful wife?"
"To tell you the truth, you've always been an odious and insignificant man."
"And your jealousy, so impotent, so cowardly..."
"It infuriated me."
"Adriana would be better, yes, from every point of view..."
"Especially..."
"If you knew...
Let's not go there."
"She's your wife."
Bastard.
"You can insult me now.
But why didn't you do it earlier?"
"Scared?"
Forget it, George.
He's dead, after all.
A dead man who knew us perfectly.
"Angela, perhaps? 
My poor brother Paul's inconsolable orphan."
"We certainly got on very well..."
"But she would always stare at me..."
"That reminded me too much of the farmer who fattens his capon..."
"To eat it at Christmas!"
"That only leaves the faithful..."
"But they're all faithful in this household."
"I was saying, that only leaves my faithful Giacomo, my trusted secretary."
"The times we spent together!
Remember?"
"Or that youngster, my distant relative..."
"Armando.
Very pleasant... 
Very."
"So my niece Angela says."
"Or is she perhaps alluding to his virility? 
Right, dear?"
"You want my money.
Fine..."
"But, as I worked hard for it, I don't like the idea of giving it away."
"All of my possessions will be divided into three equal parts..."
"And only three.
Among everyone I mentioned earlier."
"Only three of you will have the right to become rich at my expense."
"So I leave everything to those three..."
"Relatives, or not.
Who, in a month from today..."
"Will still be able to collect the inheritance."
"But be careful..."
"If any more than three of you present yourselves at notary Jackson's office..."
"None of you will get anything."
"However, if there are less than three of you..."
"Those remaining will share the inheritance equally."
You'll be there, right darling?
-But it's insane!
This will can't be valid.
-Not bad, the old man.
"One last thing, and I've finished..."
"For the month in question, I want you to continue living here...
"All together, in my house!"
Won't that be fun.
"And given that I know how much you all love each other..."
"It's sure to be a noble and courteous race."
"Well, my dears..."
"I'm sure most of you will be joining me very soon..."
"...in Hell."
"Best wishes.
Yours, John Prescott."
I protest...
This will is immoral.
It's a provocation to...
And it's horrendous.
Calm down, dear.
We'll get our share, you'll see.
Poor Julian.
The last of the Prescotts.
Prescott.
Notary, in my capacity as Mr Prescott's administrator...
I ask you on behalf of everyone...
-You...
You be quiet.
Gentlemen...
I declare that none of the clauses in this will are against the law in this country.
Also because Mr Prescott, as you know...
Left a handwritten copy of the words recorded on the cassette.
You don't understand.
-In light of this...
I'll see you in my office in a month from now, at the same time.
Which means I will see three of you...
Who will want to exercise their right to the inheritance.
Ladies.
Gentlemen.
Notary...
Inspector Matt would like a copy of the will for his report.
Certainly, Sergeant Robson, I'll have a copy sent to him.
My father cleaned your car.
-Thank you, Mary.
Good morning, Inspector Matt.
-Greetings, Doctor.
Trading places?
-Right, duty calls.
I'll accompany you, I could do with some fresh air before I go in.
Well, Inspector, do you already know who the culprit is?
What do you want me to say?
I've been here for a week and I don't know where to start.
Their alibis all rely on each other, and they all had a motive to kill him.
Money, jealousy, hate.
And I can tell you they wouldn't be wrong...
He kept them close to him with the illusion of an inheritance.
I don't envy you, Inspector...
Those Prescotts are proud, they're hard to break.
I'm in no hurry...
Twenty years on the force has taught me to be patient.
But tell me, the millions...
Who got them?
To everyone, and no one.
I knew Prescott could be mean...
But this time he really outdid himself.
He made quite a curious will.
Don't tell me we also have to figure who inherits the millions?
Perhaps.
Giacomo, there's no obligation for you to continue in your duties as a secretary.
With your permission, Angela...
I'll stay here to do my duty till the end of the month.
Besides, my work goes on...
Mr. Prescott's business dealings were quite vast.
Mr. Prescott...
My brother is a viper...
He found a way to get at us from beyond the grave.
I don't think any of us want to subject ourselves to this type of persecution.
Least of all you.
Right, Giacomo?
Angela, Mr. Prescott's will has given you a bad impression of me...
But I won't allow you to insinuate that I influenced your uncle's decisions.
Listen to me...
I believe that we can deal with this immoral will in another way.
Listen to him!
One of us cut the old man's throat...
And he protests because the will is immoral.
My dear, you have such a way with words!
You should have more tact, more manners.
My little sister-in-law's chaste ears!
Where did you find such modesty?
When you were a stripper?
You've always been jealous of my artistic career.
Heaven forbid!
I appreciate the benefits...
You've always been a master at taking your clothes off.
Enough.
Do you have to attack each other all the time?
There must be an amicable way to resolve this.
Don't you agree?
Of course.
As good friends.
Just look at us...
Don't you see the hate and mistrust in all of us?
They've always been there.
But we must find a way.
Listen, whoever killed uncle...
Hasn't really given us reason to grieve...
So it seems both useless and dangerous to find out who did it.
There's only one thing we can do...
We'll go about this month as though nothing happened...
When it's over we'll present ourselves to the notary for the inheritance...
Just three of us.
Like it says in the will.
Then, instead, we'll divide into seven equal parts...
We'll all have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of our lives.
I agree, my love, I think it's a great idea.
That suits me as well.
George's proposal makes sense.
Sure it does.
Perfect sense...
There's one small problem...
Which three of us will present themselves to the notary?
And who says that once they're legally in possession of uncle's inheritance they'll still want to share it?
-We'll draw straws.
We must trust each other.
Even if we split it we'll be rich.
There will be enough for everyone.
You're formidable, George.
How much will we get?
There are also diamonds, isn't that right, Aunt Martha?
Aunt Martha!
Adriana wants the diamonds!
Of course, dear.
Women love jewellery.
And dividing it, your wife will have two parts.
Why don't you marry Armando?
Then you'll have two as well.
Right.
That's a thought.
Aunt Martha...
Behave...
Or we might think you're only pampering Julian to get his share of the cake.
My share of the cake.
Aunt Martha.
You really are callous, just like he was.
You'd kill us all, just to get your hands on all that damned money.
We're all evil, this is John Prescott's real legacy.
Enough of this.
Enough!
If we don't come to an agreement we'll end up killing each other.
You heard his horrible voice.
It's no use pretending...
Nobody will have nothing, or only one of us will get everything.
The smartest!
-...or most ruthless.
As you wish...
We all have our cards in our hands...
But nobody will touch them until it suits them.
Well?
You all think the same as Angela?
He wouldn't have made a will like that if a deal was possible.
Do what you want.
Do what you want.
Too bad.
However, I'm always open to an amicable solution.
Good morning.
I see this is a family reunion.
We're all anxious to know the killer's name.
We're hanging on your every word, Inspector.
You overestimate me, Ms... 
Angela?
-Exactly.
There's no hurry.
You'll see, sooner or later...
It's always the case.
If you're so impatient to know, the killer's name, I mean...
Why don't you tell me?
Because you know, don't you?
You think so?
No one wants to deprive you of the pleasure of finding out for yourself.
Thank you, but I was only asking for your benefit.
I heard about the will, and I thought that a culprit in prison...
Is...
How can I put it?
One less rival.
No?
One more, one less...
You're forgetting that only three of us can present ourselves to the notary...
And there are seven of us.
-Yes, that's also true.
It means I'll have to figure it out alone.
Very well.
It trouble me but... (cut)
(cut) Prescott, his niece.
And his throat had been cut.
Probably by a robust, bladed, weapon that has yet to be found.
The safe was open, but nothing had been removed.
It's an important detail...
Because the safe is fitted with a timed mechanism...
That only opens between 22:00 and 22.15.
Knowing the combination isn't enough...
You need to activate the mechanism within those fifteen minutes.
That's enough, Robson.
Prescott's watch confirms the time of the murder - 22:00.
It stopped when it fell, and remained stuck at that time.
An expensive and highly precise watch.
I didn't know you were so knowledgeable about watches.
This is also important...
From what you told me, Prescott synchronised it to the safe...
Your uncle was meticulous.
-Great, Inspector, you know everything...
Almost.
-Almost?
I still don't know what happened to the knife, that you saw?
That I think I saw, but you know, in that moment...
It was almost midnight when you killed him... 
Forgive me...
When you found your uncle.
-It was 23:35...
And he was already dead.
I have a cast iron alibi.
As you know very well, I was at the theatre with my husband.
I left the villa at 20:00 and I returned at 23:30.
The caretaker will confirm it.
-And who else?
The theatre usher who showed me to my seat.
So, between 21:00 and 22:15, you were at the theatre.
Precisely.
-I assume it's the same for Armando.
That's right, only our car broke down at around 11:00...
I returned home on foot, and he came back later.
You can go.
But make yourself available.
-Are you joking, Inspector?
You know that none of us can leave for the entire month.
I was forgetting.
Because of the will.
Show Adriana Prescott in.
I'm warning you, Adriana, don't corrupt the Inspector as well.
No?
And why not?
You asked for me.
-Please excuse me...
But you'll have to answer some questions.
Is that all?
I'll tell you everything you want to know, Inspector...
Everything!
Just questions.
Tell me...
Where were you on the night of the murder, after nine o'clock?
I was naked, Inspector.
Didn't I tell you?
I was getting ready to go to bed...
It always takes a long time.
I'm used to pampering myself.
And then, George came in.
You know, my husband's crazy about me.
Especially when he sees me like that...
It's true, Inspector, I can't hold him back!
He's a wild one, George.
Then we turned off the light and, at 11:30, Angela's screaming woke us up.
He told me he didn't need me any more.
So I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea.
Mary's off duty at that time...
So I had to make it myself.
I went to the lounge to wish Martha goodnight...
And then I went to bed.
It was 22:15 when Giacomo came into the room...
I'm certain of the time because I asked him.
As soon as Giacomo left, I also went to my room...
After I had accompanied Julian to his room.
I was the only one who didn't hear Angela scream...
Because I got in late.
You know, the car.
No one stopped to help you?
-No.
There was nobody around.
-Right.
So you left the car by the road.
-No, I managed to start the engine...
But it took a while.
It was an electrical fault.
Learn, Robson...
You never know what to do when we break down.
Seems you're very good with cars.
With engines.
I've been driving since I was 15.
I love racing cars.
So, you raced to the villa and arrived before your wife...
You caught up with Prescott, and...
Inspector!
I'm only joking.
-You frightened me.
I've always told you the truth.
I like you, kid.
You can go.
Is that everyone?
-Peter and his daughter Mary.
Who?
-The caretaker.
They don't have anything to say.
-Then we've finished.
Inspector, the fact remains that even tonight the killer sleeps peacefully.
Robson, nobody sleeps peacefully after they've killed a man.
You're right, Inspector.
Nervous, my love?
-Because of what happened that night.
I don't know if I can keep this secret.
-Try not to get involved, dear.
Sooner or later it will come out.
He'll talk.
Just think how terrible it would be if suspicion fell on you, my love.
The press would have a field day...
I can see the headlines now:
'Thrown in the mud'
Don't exaggerate, darling.
Besides, it's the last thing I'd want.
You know I love you.
-"I love you, I love you"
But I had to give up my career for you.
And look at the state of me now!
Forgive me.
It will all be over soon.
Let's hope so.
Then we can finally enjoy this famous inheritance.
Adriana, stay close to me.
I need you.
Look at that!
Isn't that Armando?
-Armando?
What's he up to at this hour?
-I don't know.
My love, I thought you weren't coming.
Why did you want to meet here?
Wouldn't my room have been better?
Look at what I found.
-What?
I think it's the murder weapon.
-Yes, it could be.
And that's blood.
-No doubt about it.
Who could've put it here?
-You might want to ask Julian.
Julian?
Yes, it might well have been him!
That idiot?
No...
In all the confusion, he probably took it from the study.
He takes anything within arms reach.
-Shall we tell the Inspector?
Let him work it out.
-Listen, Angela...
I've had enough of this.
Let's leave.
What?
Have you gone mad?
And give up everything?
I don't care about the money.
-Money?
We're talking about a million pounds.
You're all that matters to me.
-My love, I love you too...
But that money will make us rich.
Don't you see?
Be patient, just a few more days.
Then we'll always be together.
I must go now.
Goodbye, my love.
Inspector.
You frightened me.
I wouldn't walk alone around here, if I were you.
Why?
If I'd wanted to, I could've killed you quite easily.
They might find your body a few days later, full of worms.
Do you really feel so safe?
With that will mixed up in all of this...
Aren't there only meant to be three of you to share the inheritance?
Sure, but that doesn't mean we're in any danger.
But you are.
If not now, in the next few days.
As long as John Prescott's killer can move around undisturbed.
Unless...
-Unless?
You tell me what you didn't say when you were questioned.
Inspector, I told you everything I know on the night of the murder.
I get it.
You don't want to cooperate.
Just remember, if anything happens to you, I warned you.
You see, Inspector...
No, leave it, you obviously don't trust me.
And to think, I could have you arrested immediately for false testimony.
And perhaps...
Yes, perhaps also for murder.
I'll tell you everything.
The night of the murder, Adriana, I mean my wife...
I went to get her a glass of water in the kitchen, just after ten...
And...
-And?
There was no one there...
Giacomo was lying when he said he was making a cup of tea.
With the glass of water, I was passing through the corridor when...
I saw Giacomo running towards me from the opposite end of the corridor.
I almost dropped the glass.
I wanted to tell you but Adriana was afraid of the repercussions...
She didn't want to accuse anyone.
Adriana's your wife, if I'm not mistaken?
Then she was also alone after ten.
-Only a few minutes.
But more than enough to enter the study and cut the old man's throat.
Don't talk nonsense, Inspector.
Nonsense is the pillar of any investigation.
What room was Giacomo coming from?
-I don't know...
He suddenly appeared at the other end of the corridor...
I was returning to my room.
My husband didn't leave the room that night, my dear Inspector.
Didn't I tell you?
-No, dear, you can tell him.
I told the Inspector the truth.
George, I'm sorry dear, but didn't we agree...?
Yes, dear, but we cannot keep it a secret.
We'll have less to be afraid of.
Listen to your husband.
Well, let's hear it.
Everything, darling?
It must have been almost ten...
-It was after ten, Adriana!
A few minutes past.
-Yes, it's true.
I even asked him the time, and he said "ten".
Interesting.
And then?
And then...
Then I asked him to make a cup of tea.
-Wasn't it water?
Of course it was water!
And it was after ten.
Yes, yes... 
Sure.
-Don't get excited, madam.
So, your husband left the room just before ten...
To make a cup of tea.
And he returned a few minutes after ten with a glass of water.
Perhaps stopping off to see uncle John so he could...
Make a nice circular cut around his soft neck.
It's not true.
It's not true, I swear!
I didn't love my uncle...
He forced me to live here so he could court my wife.
Yes, I hated him.
But not to the point of...
You must believe me.
Believe him.
My husband's the jealous type, but he's harmless.
Okay, I believe you.
I believe everyone until I have proof.
The secretary, where is he?
George was running down the corridor.
What are you talking about?
I was coming from the kitchen.
Please, George.
Continue.
As I was saying, it was around ten fifteen...
I'd just finished my tea and I was going to bed...
When Sir George almost knocked me over in the corridor.
I had to hold on to him, so I wouldn't fall.
One of his buttons fell off, and he wasn't carrying a glass of water.
I'm sorry...
I didn't want to say anything but you forced me to.
The button as well!
You thought of everything.
But you won't succeed in laying the blame on me, murderer!
It's all lies, Inspector.
He killed my uncle.
Relax, George, you'll only make it worse if you get angry...
Think of your liver.
-Yes, calm him down.
So, you claim that George was wearing his dressing gown.
No, Inspector, I said he was in his pyjamas.
Right...
In his pyjamas.
Mind if I see them?
-Not at all.
You'll see for yourself that he's lying.
He's falling marvellously for it!
You were great.
Darling, stay in your place.
Don't be imprudent!
Your husband is as dumb as a chicken.
He loves you too much.
And that other one, he wouldn't understand a thing even if we told him.
I don't like the Inspector...
He looks too stupid to be a real one.
The dressing gown will be the decisive blow.
It was a formidable idea of yours, worthy of the late Prescott.
I couldn't put up with that incompetent fool George any longer.
And his perverted uncle!
Yes, but sleeping with the old man made you smart.
But not rich.
Yet.
We will be very soon.
It's the reward I deserve, after so many years of being bullied and abused.
He made me slave for every crumb I earned.
Yes, Mr. Prescott.
Certainly, Mr. Prescott.
Okay, Mr. Prescott.
Yes, Sir.
Mr. Prescott.
How I hated you.
He had no respect for my dignity.
Men were only mannequins subservient to his wealth to him.
Toys to flirt with.
And when he didn't you any more...
Fired!
Without mercy.
You got what you deserved, John Prescott.
Is this the jacket?
-Yes, that's the one.
There are no buttons missing.
-As I said, Inspector...
It was him who came running from uncle's study...
But I assure you...
-Not one button missing.
But one of them is attached with a different thread.
And the cloth around it has been repaired.
I broke it two days ago.
I was ironing it.
You don't look like much of a housewife to me, lady Prescott.
But it wasn't him.
He didn't kill him.
Isn't that right, my love?
-You did your best.
Inspector.
Come, it's important.
Murderer.
You want to ruin me.
Did he hurt you?
Come to your senses!
Enough of this farce.
Act like a man!
-I'll kill you.
Murderer!
Stop it, George.
I didn't want this...
(cut)
Here, Inspector.
I just found it and I thought I should tell you.
Have you touched it?
-No, Inspector.
"Who, then?"
"To you, dear nephew George, and your faithful wife?"
"To tell you the truth, you've always been an odious and insignificant man."
"And your jealousy, so impotent, so cowardly..."
"It infuriated me."
"Adriana would be better, yes, from every point of view..."
"Especially..."
Damn you.
And you!
Leave him alone, poor thing.
He's not the one you should be taking your anger out on.
The truth hurts, auntie.
-Stop it.
You've all got in for me.
But you'll all get what you deserve.
Giacomo will kill all of you.
You all saw how he killed uncle.
You really think it was Giacomo?
He's been with uncle for years, since Africa.
They made a good couple.
But it must have been him!
Because...
I'm not guilty.
We're all guilty.
Dear George, even if you didn't kill him...
You're glad someone did it for you.
You hated my brother!
Giacomo saw you that night...
So you spoke up first to eliminate him...
But he was smarter than you.
-But I didn't kill him.
Uncle was generous to me, he gave me all the money I wanted.
To be honest, he gave it to Adriana.
What are you getting at?
You're a hyena.
A Prescott, my dear.
Just a Prescott.
Who enjoys making others suffer!
Right?
But deep down, you're the unhappiest of us all.
You don't know how to love anyone.
-Dearest auntie, you're unhappy...
Reduced to clinging onto all that remains of your husband...
A medallion!
He has found his peace...
Love is something you'll never understand.
Me!
... 
I'm the last of the Prescotts!
-Come, Julian.
The last of the Prescotts.
And now you're in it up to your neck, right, little brother?
Go on.
Spit out your poison.
Idiot...
You still haven't realised that your wife is the snake...
She's pretending to save you to get rid of you...
By making the Inspector think she's on your side.
She's in league with Giacomo.
Haven't you figured it out?
Stop it!
-It's the truth.
She married you to get her hands on uncle's money.
She hasn't thought of anything else since she set foot in this house.
She tried with him too, you know.
To repay you for taking her out of those whorehouses.
Stop it.
I don't want listen to you anymore.
Yes, cover your ears...
Listen to her when she tells you that she loves you.
She sent you to the kitchen after ten, then she said you left earlier.
She pulled that button off your jacket.
Who cares? 
You love her.
And now she's in her lover's arms.
Giacomo... 
And they're both plotting to send you to prison.
I heard them.
It's not true.
Say it's not true.
Say it's not true.
I'll kill him!
-Do it, if you have the courage...
But that won't change things!
She's with him now, why don't you go and enjoy the show!
Go... 
Go and see.
Go!
What's got into you?
Have you gone crazy?
No, please, George might come.
You're tickling me.
Stupid!
Then you really are serious.
And George didn't believe you were a bad man.
Giacomo, a bad man!
I killed her.
"To you, dear nephew George, and your faithful wife?"
"To tell you the truth, you've always been an odious and insignificant man."
"And your jealousy, so impotent, so cowardly..."
Stop it!
I don't want to listen to you anymore.
Yes, cover your ears...
Listen to her when she tells you that she loves you.
She sent you to the kitchen after ten, then she said you left earlier.
She pulled that button off your jacket.
Who cares? 
You love her.
And now she's in her lover's arms.
Giacomo... 
And they're both plotting to send you to prison.
I heard them.
It's not true.
Say it's not true.
Say it's not true.
The first victims.
So, Giacomo, you and poor Mrs. Adriana...
I can't deny it, but you understand...
I'm a gentleman.
That's why I lied.
It all happened exactly how poor George described it.
I was coming from George's room...
Adriana had called me.
And you met George in the corridor.
Who left his room with the excuse that he was getting water.
Precisely.
And I was afraid George might have thought I killed Prescott.
Of course.
So you made up the story of the button on the jacket with Adriana's help.
But only as a possible defence in case George accused me.
What did Adriana have to tell you that was so urgent?
She wanted to tell me, there was a very good chance someone would kill Mr. Prescott that very night.
Then Adriana knew.
And naturally you didn't believe her.
No, Inspector.
Did you get that, Robson?
-Certainly, Inspector...
Evidently, Giacomo was going to tell us the name of the culprit.
Right.
A culprit who isn't here anymore.
Therefore, gentlemen, we can consider this case closed.
Gentlemen, this is the murder weapon.
An African weapon.
Weren't you also in South Africa with Mr. Prescott?
I had the fortune of meeting him down there, Inspector.
Very fortunate, with all the money you're going to get.
The fact that I am also one of the heirs...
Is all down to Mr. Prescott's peculiarities.
Evidently, Giacomo.
Evidently.
Have you ever seen this knife before?
I'm not sure, Inspector.
And you, Martha...
Were you in Africa before or after your brother made his fortune?
Before...
It was afterwards that he found a diamond mine.
Lucky him!
I beg your pardon.
I mean a diamond mine!
And this knife...
Does it remind you of anything?
They were often used by explorers in Africa...
They carved their initials on them.
We were saying that none of you have seen this knife before.
Strange.
Because the killer left their fingerprints on it.
Forensics did a fine job.
A real fine job.
Whose fingerprints are they?
-The late Adriana's.
Then it was her.
-I wouldn't say so.
From what I know, she had a good relationship with the old man...
That is, Mr. Prescott.
Besides, your fingerprints are on it too.
-What? 
Mine?
But...
-Now you're exaggerating, Inspector...
You know very well that Armando was with me on the night of the murder.
Yours as well, Angela.
-Naturally, mine are on it...
I found the knife, and I showed it to Armando.
It's true, Inspector.
Would it be indiscreet of me if I asked you where you found it?
In the attic, I have a passion for knick-knacks.
Is that a crime?
As long as you didn't use it to...
Angela didn't kill anyone.
-Why? 
Was it you?
I couldn't do such a thing!
Besides, why would I?
My dear Armando, the money.
Isn't that reason enough?
Besides, didn't you all hate the tyrant?
So, this knife?
-I gave it to Adriana, happy?
Anyway, Armando and I...
-...were at the theatre.
Your alibi.
So, at ten o'clock, you and Armando were at the theatre...
Martha was playing patience with Julian...
Giacomo was making tea.
What was I doing at ten o'clock that night?
It would all make sense if Prescott had died at ten.
But the safe could only be opened between ten and ten fifteen.
Exactly, Giacomo?
-Exactly.
And only by Mr. Prescott.
No one else knew the combination.
He didn't trust anyone.
-And for good reason!
And it couldn't be opened in less than two minutes.
Now pay attention...
The deceased's watch stopped at exactly ten o'clock when it fell.
And here's where the killer made a mistake...
To procure an alibi...
They broke the watch after they killed him, making it look like it had fallen...
Then they moved watch hands to a time that suited them; ten o'clock.
In their haste, they forgot to allow for those few indispensable minutes the victim would have needed to open the safe.
My compliments, Inspector...
Your lucid deductions are compelling...
It's a pity you still don't know the killer's name.
It could also be yours, Angela.
Let me tell you...
That coroner says he was killed sometime between ten and eleven thirty.
And that's the time you found the deceased.
You were the first to find him.
Therefore, none of you have an alibi.
Ugly thing.
It's mine, I found it.
-Calm down, Julian, Angela found it.
Or not?
No, it's mine.
It's true...
I had forgotten.
It was Julian who found it.
But I don't see the difference.
And after he found it in the attic...
He found it a second time next to the deceased, right Julian?
I'm the last of the Prescotts.
And then you hid in the park, for fun, naturally.
Because the killer left it at the scene of the crime...
Evidently, they felt safe.
You're very smart...
None of the fingerprints bear the characteristics of someone holding a knife to strike.
It's strange...
It seems you've done nothing more than pass the knife from one person to another.
So much so, that you're fingerprints are also on it.
Perhaps, I may have touched it by chance but I don't remember.
You don't remember.
Yet it's quite a distinct knife...
There's an 'A' carved on it.
'A' for Armando.
Adriana.
Angela.
'A' for assassin!
I'm not interested in Prescott's money...
I only want to know what your role is in this horrible business.
But I haven't done anything.
I just set things in motion.
Then who killed him?
-Aunt Martha, haven't you worked it out?
The Inspector's proven himself a genius.
-Martha? 
But why?
Because Adriana gave her that knife with an 'A' carved on the handle.
So what?
You're so stupid!
Fifteen years ago, Aunt Martha married Philip Fenning, an Austrian.
What you don't know, is that in those times...
Uncle John was a poor fellow who went around looking for diamonds.
And the Austrian teamed up with him.
The Austrian also had a knife with an 'A' inscribed on the handle...
One fine day he was found dead with his throat cut...
And there was no trace of the knife.
-Was it Prescott?
No one knew for sure, but aunt Martha suspected him.
So much so, that shortly after her husband's murder... (cut)
(cut) ...saying he had found a large diamond mine.
Aunt Martha spent years looking for that knife.
So, when Julian found it in the attic...
I passed it on to Adriana who took it straight to Martha...
Convinced I didn't know anything.
It was the proof aunt Martha had been waiting for.
And she had her revenge.
So that's why Adriana was able to make up that story against George...
She knew Martha was going to kill him that night.
Of course, dear.
And I knew that she knew.
Simple, really.
Then the 'A' carved into the handle stands for 'Austrian'?
You finally got it.
How come you know all this?
Auntie must have told us the story a thousand times when we were children.
Has the Inspector figured it out?
The Inspector is a very intelligent man, but not enough.
Angela, let's go away from here.
-Of course, my love, tomorrow...
You're right, our love is more important than uncle's inheritance.
But now you must go.
I'll come to your room later.
I'll be waiting.
What's wrong?
Giacomo's gone crazy.
-What are you talking about?
I saw him coming out of the generator room...
He chased after me!
He wants the money for himself.
He went to his room to get a pistol, he wants to kill us!
That's impossible.
Calm down.
I'll talk to him.
Just try to calm down.
Calm down.
Tell him we don't care about the money, he can have it all.
But stop him before he does something foolish.
Relax, I'm not going to jeopardise our happiness for anyone.
Take it, Giacomo is armed and he could kill you before you get a chance to talk.
Go on.
You lock yourself in and don't open it for anyone...
Don't be afraid.
I'll convince him, you'll see.
Giacomo.
Giacomo, don't do anything foolish!
Angela.
-Giacomo.
What's going on?
-You must hurry!
Armando wants to kill you, he has a gun!
What is this about?
It's not time to get rid of him.
Yes, but he's not as stupid as he looks...
He found out about us, he wants to kill you.
Another one of your schemes?
That last stunt with Adriana almost cost me my life.
But you agreed.
-Yes...
Because it was essential to our plan.
But what are you hiding from me now?
-I tell you Armando's looking for you!
You're not scared, are you?
-You know very well I'm not scared...
And that I also want to get my hands on that money.
Then there's no time to lose.
-Be careful, Angela...
I'm not going to let you play me.
We're cut from the same cloth.
And if you don't tell me the truth, you won't have time to regret it.
Watch out, dear.
Armando will shoot you.
He's not the only one who thought of that.
Looking for me, Armando?
Police. 
Inspector Matt, I'm calling from the Prescott villa...
Inspector Matt, this is Angela Prescott...
Can you come?
There's another dead body.
And another killer.
You're good, Angela.
It's your turn now.
Damn you!
I'll kill you!
Angela!
What happened?
The power went out, then I heard gun shots and...
Disappointed?
No, don't be afraid, I didn't kill him.
It was Armando who killed him, and he killed Armando.
Before he died, naturally.
Funny, isn't it?
It could be a Chinese puzzle, but it's reality instead.
It all started when Adriana gave you that knife...
You were convinced I didn't know the story about South Africa...
Not all of it, at least.
Are there no limits to your wickedness?
Poor Martha...
You killed your brother to avenge your husband's death.
But vendetta's also have a price.
-And now I guess you'll turn me in.
That's where you're mistaken.
You always said I was wicked...
I could've turned you in a thousand times, if I'd wanted to.
It would be nice to think you did it for me...
And not because it was more convenient for you to lie.
Yes, it's true.
It was more convenient.
Adriana and George are dead, and Armando and Giacomo killed each other
Poor chaps, they were so stupid they didn't even see it coming.
All that remains is for you to turn me in...
And you'll have succeeded in your goal.
You'll be the only one who collects the inheritance.
That's right, but I want to be kind to you...
If you take that fool, and you leave this house...
Promising you won't present yourself to the notary...
I'll keep what I know to myself.
Agreed?
If the Inspector hasn't already reached the same conclusion.
Anyway, he doesn't have proof.
I'm your salvation.
You're even worse than a murderer.
There's one thing I want to tell you...
You're worthy in everything to take your uncle's place.
But why do you hate me?
I haven't done anything...
You killed uncle John.
-Yes, sure...
That's right.
You didn't do anything!
You just stood there, behind-the-scenes...
Until they all killed each other.
You just limited yourself to helping them disappear.
And that seems like a little to you?
I'm tired.
It's been a tiring day for me.
Then we're agreed...
You and that idiot won't show yourselves to the notary.
Otherwise...
I'm going lie down.
Call me when the Inspector arrives.
Come, Julian.
We must get ready.
This isn't our home anymore, we have to go.
Julian.
I carved it.
But why...?
It came out good.
I made one for Angela.
Angela?
What are you talking about?
What did you do for Angela?
Answer me.
Angela!
Knife!
I gave the knife to Angela.
Angela is evil.
You carved the initial on the knife.
Angela!
I killed my brother because of that initial.
I killed him.
Angela.
Snake!
Aunt Martha.
Lady Angela.
Where is Angela?
-Inspector!
This way, Inspector.
Too late... 
Inspector.
Why did you do it?
Why?
The other knife was a fake.
It was Angela who made it.
I killed my brother, thinking I was getting revenge...
But all I did was play Angela's game instead.
No one knows...
That other knife, I carved the 'A' on it.
But Angela never knew.
You see, daddy?
Angela never knew.
She never knew!
Angela never knew.
I am the last of the Prescotts.
The last of the Prescotts!

My, you look fetching.
Oh, hello, Mother.
Do you like it? 
It's new.
Divine.
It's a bit chic for the suburbs though, isn't it?
Darrin and I are going to a dinner dance at the country club with the Tates tonight.
- What brings you here?
- No particular reason.
You're going to a dinner, I thought I might help.
- Help?
- You have four mice and a pumpkin around?
I have already met my Prince Charming.
Oh, there he is now. 
Mother...
Some Prince Charming.
I'm afraid you and I see him two different ways, Mother.
That's true. 
I don't know why you can't see him as he really is.
Like this:
- Mother.
- But you persist seeing him like this:
You're wrong on both counts.
I see him as he really is.
Like this:
Good.
I knew you'd leave him some day.
- Leave who?
- Your husband.
See how easy it was?
You've forgotten already.
Mother, I'm not leaving Darrin.
We're going to Florida together.
Again?
Darrin has the week off.
His parents picked up Tabatha.
They're going to look after her.
This time tomorrow we'll be sunning ourselves...
- Oh, yes.
If my memory serves me, you've postponed that beautiful fantasy six times.
What makes you think this is the lucky seven?
He gave me his word.
Nothing short of a catastrophe can delay us now.
Darrin, you're just the man who can help us avoid a catastrophe.
Larry, I was just on my way out.
Darrin, this is Sanford Stern of Stern Chemicals in from Pittsburgh.
Darrin Stephens.
- A pleasure.
- I'd like to chat but I have a plane to catch.
- Jim was just taken to the hospital with appendicitis.
- Send him candy in my name.
I'll write him a card from Miami.
Darrin, it's painful for me to have to tell you this.
Then for Pete's sake, don't do it.
Just don't do it.
- You'll have to cancel your plans.
- You had to do it.
I'm afraid I'm the villain, Mr. Stephens.
But my hands are tied.
I have a TV deadline for my commercials.
I know how hard you've been working.
If anybody deserved a vacation it's you. 
You've given service above and beyond...
All right, all right. 
All right, Larry, I can't bear having a grown man cry.
- I wasn't going to cry.
- I meant me.
Thanks, old pal.
I'll leave you two together.
- You want me to call Samantha?
- No, I'll do it.
Just be nice to her at her murder trial.
- What?
- After she's killed me.
Oh, thank you, darling.
I appreciate how you're taking this.
You sounded a little strained over the phone.
I can't stay mad at you for long.
I've forgotten all about it.
Well, I have to get back to work.
That reminds me, I have some unpacking to do. 
See you later.
I do hate to say "I told you so," Samantha.
Really? 
Since when?
Oh, cheer up, my sweet.
You haven't missed much.
It's not much fun going to Miami with an old sobersides like Desmond.
You have the wrong idea about Darrin.
You can only see one side of him.
I know he has another.
He can be witty and charming and just full of fun.
Well...
It's a pity you can't take the fun side of him and leave the work side at home.
You're a big help.
There's no sense in feeling sorry for myself.
Darrin can't go, and that is that.
Except for the unpacking.
Sam! 
Samantha!
Fore!
- Is anything the matter?
- No. 
I'm three feet from the cup.
I hear those courses in Miami are great.
- I can hardly wait to play them.
- Miami?
You didn't cancel the tickets, did you?
No. 
No, not yet.
But you said we weren't going.
All systems are now go, go, go!
Fore!
Darrin, what about the Stern Chemical account?
Didn't you say you had more work to do on it?
Work? 
I never heard of it.
Why don't you let me take you out of all this?
- What about Larry and Mr. Stern?
- Oh, let them get their own girls.
I thought you said they had a deadline for those commercials.
You know, I've been thinking about that for about the last 10 seconds.
- I've come up with the solution.
- You have?
Yeah. 
The heck with them.
Now, to more serious affairs.
Where's my suntan oil?
- Don't you think you...
- I'll tell you what I think.
I think you have the most incredible green eyes I've ever seen.
We were talking about the account.
Answer the following questions with "yes," "no" or "sometimes."
- Do we deserve a little fun out of life?
- Yeah.
Have I been promising you this vacation for months?
- Yeah.
- Do you love me and will you follow me wherever I go?
- Are we going to Miami?
- We are.
- You want to hear your score?
- I have to repack the stuff I unpacked.
I'll do that. 
You find my suntan oil.
- One more thing.
- What?
You have the most incredible green eyes I've ever seen.
I know, I know.
Well...
Now, if I were a bottle of suntan lotion, where would I be?
- Is this what you're looking for?
- Oh, thank you, Mother.
Now it's my turn to say "I told you so."
I can hardly believe that Derrick is anything but a sober stuffed shirt.
Mother, I am in love with a charming man who loves fun and excitement.
Well, I just hope your husband doesn't find out.
Honey, have you seen my book on how to surf?
Yes. 
I think it's in the den.
See what I mean?
- You're not going in there.
- Why not?
Well, it isn't the proper place for a book on surfing.
That's where he keeps all his books.
I'll only be a minute, honey.
As soon as I find...
Darrin?
Darrin, what are you doing in here?
Darrin.
Samantha, please, I was trying to concentrate.
What are you concentrating on?
The Stern Chemical account.
Jim DeWitt got sick, and Larry asked me if I wouldn't take...
- Haven't I been through this before?
- Yes, you certainly have.
Why am I going through it again?
Darrin, you just went upstairs to pack.
I did? 
What gave you that idea?
I got the idea when you said, "I'm going up to pack."
Samantha, this is no time to play games.
The agency is relying on me to come up with an effective campaign.
- I only have three weeks...
- Just a minute.
Have you been here ever since I was here?
Of course.
Then you...
Your brother.
What did you call me?
Do you feel any different?
Different than what?
Never mind. 
You just go ahead and finish your work.
I'll take care of my mother.
The meddler!
Mother, I want to talk to you.
Did you find the book you were looking for, darling?
No. 
But I found something else.
- What's that?
- My husband.
- Oh, darling, you can't win them all.
- At least one of my husbands.
The other one is upstairs.
Now, admit it, Mother.
You divided Darrin.
Oh, don't be so upset, Samantha.
I did it in your best interests.
Darrin will be furious.
I admit that made it irresistible.
I only want one Darrin.
I know exactly what you mean.
It's humiliating to look as if you've made the same mistake twice.
Samantha?
Samantha, who is that singing?
The radio upstairs.
It is very distracting when you are trying to concentrate.
I have a great deal of work to do, you know.
- I'll turn it off.
- Thank you.
Nice voice, though.
- Mother!
- Oh, come on, Samantha.
I just wanted to see if you were right about David's two personalities.
You were.
Good.
Now, how about putting him back together?
Oh, very well.
But really, what's the harm?
If he works as hard as you say he does at least half of him deserves a rest.
That's very peculiar logic.
Well, that's because it's so sensible.
Well?
Well...
Sam, I can't find my swimming trunks!
It isn't as if you won't be with your husband.
You'll simply have the fun side of him.
In your closet, bottom shelf.
Listen to him.
He's actually enjoying himself.
He does sound happy.
Well, half a rest is better than none.
I suppose.
- Will you take him?
- Now, Mother, I haven't said that yet.
How am I going to explain this to the Darrin in the den?
Well, it's all very simple.
Tell him you're coming with me.
Well, now, Mother, he'd never agree to that.
Well, why don't you try it?
I think it's a wonderful idea.
Just because I'm chained to my desk doesn't mean you have to stay and be my warden.
Besides, it'll give you a chance to rest and me a chance to work.
You go with your mother and have a good time.
Mother, he told me to go and have a good time.
Do you think what we're doing is right?
Absolutely. 
What can happen?
Hi, Endora.
My, you look ravishing tonight.
I like him better this way.
Come on, we're wasting all that sunshine. 
Let's live it up a little.
- Boy, are you happy.
- And why not?
You're looking at a man with only one responsibility in the world.
- What's that?
- To have fun, fun, fun!
The main objective of the campaign will be to acquaint the average person with the significance of chemicals and particularly Stern Chemicals, upon his everyday life.
That's excellent, Darrin.
First-rate.
I'm sure you'll find it satisfactory once you've heard the rest of my ideas.
I like it now.
Look, we've been at this for 16 hours now.
I suggest we celebrate our progress by going out to dinner.
Hear, hear.
Well, we do have a lot more work to do.
I think we should call it a day.
Look, I don't get to the big city very often.
What do you say we cut loose and have some fun?
That reminds me.
I've written a small booklet entitled Let's Have Fun With Chemicals.
Darrin, Mr. Stern is hungry.
Well, I suppose we could have something sent in.
Now, here I've outlined how we'll acquaint the general public with your actual products.
Darrin, you don't have to knock yourself out like this.
You've already got the contract.
I know that, Mr. Stern.
But we do have the responsibility of coming up with an effective campaign.
- Darrin, Mr. Stern was making a joke.
- All right.
Just a figure of speech.
Oh, yes.
That leads me to another phase of the campaign.
I believe that you should take a look at these market research figures.
He's certainly a hard worker, isn't he?
Yeah.
But doesn't he ever get any fun out of life?
Thank you.
Now, this is going to be fun.
Now, everybody, all together.
The last line. 
Go!
Isn't that terrible?
Oh, he's so witty and charming.
Isn't he funny?
He's a laugh a minute.
Come on, Sam, let's Watusi.
I'll sit this one out, if you don't mind.
- You're not gonna poop out on me?
- You're a little hard to keep up with.
Yeah, I know. 
I'm having a ball.
Hi, Joe!
He's a real fun guy, Joe.
They're all fun people.
- Sure you don't want to dance?
- No, thanks.
I'll call home in a minute and find out how your mother is making out with Tabatha.
- Who?
- Tabatha, your daughter.
- I'm sure she's fine.
- Hi, Francie.
- Hi, Darrin.
- She's got a great personality.
- I'm a little worried about her.
- Francie?
- Tabatha.
Honey, I like Tabatha too, but you can't let your children run your life.
Don't worry. 
Give you wrinkles.
I'm sure your mother and father are taking good care of her.
But after all, we do have a responsibility.
Honey, honey, honey.
Only one responsibility:
Fun, fun, fun.
Hey, look, Joe is going off the board.
Great dive, Joe!
- Excuse me a minute.
- Darrin...
Fun, fun, fun.
Hey, watch this everybody!
Darrin.
Darrin, you can't swim!
Front flip into the pool and back again?
Thank you, my friends.
It was really nothing.
Now I have an announcement to make.
It's party time!
Everyone, to our room for a party!
I feel guilty. 
I should be back at the office working.
Darrin, will you relax? 
You've been like a one-man factory all day.
That is another angle to consider. 
We should make a film about the factory.
Show the folks at home some of the research you're doing in a fun sort of way, of course.
Isn't there some kind of button you can push that'll turn him off?
Drink up, Darrin.
And forget about chemistry, huh?
You can't really forget about chemistry.
It's in the air we breathe. 
This salt and pepper shaker, ashtray, table.
- Fascinating.
- Yes, it is.
That's why I believe this campaign will work.
First of all, we show the public the phenomenon and then we interest them in your product.
You know, after dinner, I'd like to go to a couple of nightclubs.
Great.
They have a marvellous new chorus line at the Purple Popsicle.
Oh, they also have a new comic.
Funny. 
Very different.
Sort of low pressure.
That's exactly my point.
- What?
- A low-pressure campaign.
While we're waiting for our food, why don't I show you more ideas I have?
Darrin, you're kidding.
I doubt it. 
He's not the kind of a man that kids very much.
I don't get it. 
Usually he has a great sense of humour.
Sure, a barrel of laughs.
No, really.
You've only seen one side of him.
Well, I hope he finds the other side soon.
- It's a great party, huh?
- Yeah.
Hey, honey, we're all out of champagne.
Well, we'll order another magnum.
Better still, a "magni."
That's two magnums.
You just leave it to old Dar.
Darrin, at the risk of sounding like a nagging wife, can we afford all this?
- Well, we'll just dip into our savings.
- We can't do that.
Hey, you're right.
I got a better idea.
Why don't you twitch your nose and whap up some champagne?
You want me to use witchcraft?
Why not? 
I mean, it'll be crazy.
The gang will love it.
They'll be crazy about it.
They'll get a big kick out of it.
But, Darrin, you can't tell them I'm a witch.
Why not?
They'll love it, love it, love it!
- Darrin!
- I'll quiet them down while you do it.
- Darrin!
- Hey.
Hey, gang! 
Hey, folks!
Where did everyone go?
Back to their rooms.
But, honey, we were having such fun.
Darrin, we have something to tell you.
- "We"?
- Yes.
Mother?
My, looks like quite a party.
- Hi, Endora. 
Great to see you, baby.
- Oh, thank you.
Mother, I want the man I married back.
But he's charming this way.
Yes, charming, witty and totally irresponsible.
But this is his best side.
Don't you like him this way?
Well, I like ice cream, but I don't want to eat it all the time.
- Girls, you just lost me.
- Yes, we certainly did.
Darrin, will you please sit down?
Please?
Now, I know this may be...
I realize this may be rather hard for you to understand but only part of you is here the fun side.
Without a care in the world.
I love her sense of humour.
The other half is at home.
Okay, I'll bite. 
What's he doing?
Well, I hate to think.
But I'd better find out.
Thought she'd never leave.
So much for the TV campaign.
Now, let me tell you what I had in mind for the radio spots.
This boy reminds me of Horatio Alger.
A boring Horatio Alger.
- Darrin.
- Sam.
- This is Sanford Stern.
- Samantha, what are you doing here?
You're supposed to be in Miami.
Yes. 
Do you mind if I borrow my husband for a moment?
- Oh, please do.
- Oh, please do.
- We have to be going anyway, right?
- Yes, we've monopolized your time.
But... 
But...
We were right in the middle of a business discussion.
Aren't you glad to see me?
Of course I am, but not when I'm talking business.
I have to get them back.
Hey, wait a minute.
- Where am I?
- You're in Miami.
Who is he?
That's not "he," that's you.
What are you doing here with my wife?
I knew we shouldn't have invited him.
We were having a cool time until he showed up.
I thought you were going with your mother.
She came with me.
Look, you've got some explaining to do, buster.
Who do you think you are?
Boys, boys.
Will you please tell me who this is?
Really, you are dense.
It's very simple.
This is your other half.
- Other half?
- Pleased to meet you.
Will you please get to the point?
I've got about a ton of work to do.
Darrin, this is the point.
We thought you needed a rest so we thought we'd take your fun side on vacation.
- Fun side?
- Hi, work side.
Will you stop grinning at me like an idiot.
I don't think there's anything funny about this at all.
Absolutely no sense of humour.
Mother, will you hurry and put them back together?
It'd help if they liked each other a bit.
- Never happen.
- Mother.
Well, separating them was easier, you know.
But putting them back together may be more difficult.
Will you stop talking about me as if I were some do-it-yourself kit?
- What a grouch.
- There is a way to get them back.
- But I'm not sure they'd like it.
- What's that?
They both stand at opposite ends of the room and then run into each other.
- Sounds like fun.
- Are you out of your mind?
Now, there's no need to be rude to Darrin, Darrin.
After all, he's my husband too.
I'm not even sure that's legal.
Sam, I've had enough of this nonsense...
Darrin, you want to get back to work, right?
I certainly do.
And you want to go back to the party, right?
Crazy.
Okay.
First one out the door gets his wish.
Is he back together again?
Yes, dear.
Oh, Darrin. 
Darrin, speak to me.
Oh, I'm mad about that outfit.
Sam?
- It's nice to see you, sweetheart.
- Oh, Mother, he's back to normal.
That, my gal, is a matter of opinion.
Well, it was an interesting experiment.
At least you had a vacation out of it.
Some vacation.
At least I learned an important lesson.
I can't stand Darrin's work side.
And I can't stand his fun side either.
Stars and comets.
You've finally seen the light.
It's the whole Darrin I love.
I've never heard such blatant, sticky sentimentality in my whole life.
I never want him to be anyone else.
I think I'll leave before I get sick.
Oh, hi, honey.
Hi.
My, it's nice to have you back.
All of you.
- You've got all of me for three weeks.
- How?
Larry was so pleased with my work on the Stern account he gave me a vacation.
- Larry is right.
- You deserve a vacation.
- The word he used was "needed."
Anyway, I know where I want to spend it.
- Where?
- Right here. 
Just the four of us.
The four of us?
You, Tabatha, my fun side and my work side.
That's the best vacation I ever heard of.
Subtitles by SDI Media Group

So, your husband went to the ranch with this man, Wolfe, and never came back.
He said if I didn't hear from him,
I should come to you.
He said you were old friends.
Enrique is a good man.
We've worked together before.
What business did he have with this man, Wolfe?
He was just made commander of the Mexican military post in Mexicali.
It had something to do with that, I'm sure.
Thorald Wolfe...
ex-Army major... top-notch ordnance man... cashiered out of the Army for taking bribes.
He's interested in Mexican forces on the border.
Well, he's gone.
He's long gone.
That's an interesting gun he had, huh?
Very.
Fires explosive bullets.
Can't buy a gun like that at your friendly neighborhood pawnbroker.
Whoever came up with a gun like that isn't friendly.
Oh, boy... the cleaning woman is going to hate us for this.
What happened?
Nothing to be concerned about.
Oh, just a visitor.
We get them dropping by all the time.
Mrs. Leon, do you know what dealings your husband had with this man, Wolfe?
He once said something about betrayal... a lot of money.
Enrique would never betray his country!
Yet he went to meet Wolfe. 
Where?
Wolfe has a ranch near Jacumba.
I'm afraid, señor!
Even now, my Enrique could be dead.
As we remember your husband, señora, he'd take a lot of killing.
Can you use a gun?
I know how.
That bullet was meant for you.
I'm going to send you back to Mexicali with Artemus.
You stay out of sight.
If you have to... use it.
No...
I want to help my husband.
I understand how you feel.
If you really want to help your husband, you'll do exactly as I tell you to.
From now on, it's man's work.
Sometimes a woman can do a man's work better than a man.
Maybe, but not this time.
Señora Leon?
Explosive bullets.
Take an awfully good ordnance man to design a gun like that.
I've got an idea.
If Wolfe is interested in Enrique, who's only a captain, what would he do if he had a Mexican officer of higher rank to deal with?
I've always wanted to be a general.
Be modest; be a colonel.
How do you like that?
I'm not in the Army ten seconds and I'm busted already.
What about you?
First we hear that Wolfe's hiring men that don't mind using a gun.
What about those men that were broken out of the Army stockade last week?
You think he's behind that thing, too?
Those are the kind of men he's been hiring.
Washington sent us here to find out about them.
I think Washington would be interested in knowing that he's making deals with Mexican officers, too.
Then you do think he's behind those prisoner outbreaks.
There's a good chance that prison camp raid was organized by a military man.
Carried out like a cavalry raid.
It all ties up with Wolfe... renegade soldier, ex-career Army man, freebooter.
Mr. West!
Say, that was some shooting!
Actually, I was aiming at your ears.
I don't know how I missed.
Here. 
They did a fine job.
Dick, remind me to get a different photographer.
I don't have bags under my eyes.
Only $500 reward?
I'm worth more than that.
Mr. West, are you sure you don't need any help?
I'm available.
Take it easy.
Your turn will come.
Robert Crandell.
Robbery, murder, escaped from federal territorial prison, Yuma.
They posted?
Yeah, all over California,
Arizona, New Mexico and Nevada.
I think I posted most of them myself.
I could use a new thumb.
Or a smaller hammer.
Hey, what about Mr. Gordon?
Artemus can take care of himself.
Yeah, but if he gets caught in Mexico, masquerading as a Mexican officer, won't he get in real trouble?
Hmm. 
He gets fat on trouble.
You worried?
Well, we were taught in training to be very careful about international incidences.
Oh, don't worry about it, Dick.
With any luck,
I should be in with Wolfe by tomorrow morning.
Wolfe is hiring men.
He's not too particular about their moral character.
Do you know why he's hiring them?
That's what I intend to find out.
Gee, Mr. West, I sure wish I could go along with you.
My next assignment, there may be pretty girls involved.
If there are, Richard,
I'll take you with me.
Now you take care of yourself.
And, Richard, watch that thumb.
What's the matter with you?
You want to get run over?
What do you want?
I asked you a question!
Where's Wolfe?
Are you crazy, riding in here big as life?
Now I'm going to ask you a question.
I asked you, "Where's Wolfe?"
What do you want Wolfe for?
Heard he was hiring.
Hiring who?
What do I look like, stupid?
A ribbon clerk?
You look like a man hunting trouble.
I heard there was work here- big work and big money.
You don't look like big money to me.
I'll find Wolfe myself.
Why, you, I'll knock you...
Hold it!
I'm going to kill him.
Ah, shut up!
Robert Crandell...
I don't care who he is!
He can't push me around.
Yeah, well, I think he did pretty well.
Worth $500 dead.
He must be worth a lot more alive.
Crandell...
Yeah, that's my name.
You sent for me?
Well, I don't know.
Who are you?
Do you always rub people the wrong way, Crandell?
I'm Wolfe.
Yeah, I wanted to see you.
You don't look like a foolish man.
What did you want to see me about?
I heard you were hiring.
And I am, but, uh...
I like to know who the people are that I'm hiring.
Were you in the Army?
Union Army.
Did you like it?
Are you crazy?
Most of us here are Army men, and we like the Army way.
I've got my own way.
Well, I'm sure you have, but the question is... can you be valuable to me?
Try me.
Very well.
Sergeant Bender.
Shoot him!
Very good.
What if I wasn't so very good?
Sergeant Bender would have shot you.
What do you think, Sergeant?
He's good.
He's real smooth.
Now, if he can use that gun...
Oh, he can use the gun, all right.
I know all about Mr. Crandell's record.
He's a bushwhacker, a backstabber, and a very fast gun for sale, aren't you, Mr. Crandell?
A man has to make a living.
And if I hire you, you'll make a very good living... on my terms, you understand.
You're doing the talking.
Well, we run things on a military basis, Mr. Crandell.
Very strict military discipline.
And if anybody breaks the rules, they are dealt with most severely.
All right, you've got your own way of doing things.
All I want to know is what's in it for me.
Power, Crandell.
Power.
Glory.
Wealth.
A portion of destiny.
A whole new world.
A great and important project.
And I need men with daring.
I need men who aren't afraid of great visions.
Are you that kind of a man, Mr. Crandell?
I'm a good gun.
If there's money in it, then I'm interested.
Fair enough.
We'll give you a chance.
Sergeant...
Mr. Crandell is to have the freedom of the post... on a probationary basis, of course.
Yes, sir.
Just a minute.
What is this big deal
I'm being cut in on?
You'll know with the other new men within an hour.
At that time, I will tell you all I wish you to know.
Carry on, Sergeant.
What about my gun?
Pick it up at charger quarter's office.
Look around, get acquainted.
Play your cards right, and you'll get along.
Step out of line... and you're in big trouble.
Just like the Army, huh?
Just like this Army.
Those the new repeating models?
Right off the assembly line.
Señor Wolfe.
Permit me, eh?
Colonel Hernando del Valle Santiago y Sandoval.
It's a pleasure to meet such a practical man, Colonel.
But, uh, your little proposition appealed to the romanticist in me as well as to the economist, no?
When your, uh, representative came to see me, I said to myself,
"There is a man after my own heart."
Then you understand everything.
Perfectly...
and I am delighted.
Shall we, uh, go inside?
Of course.
Hey, Crandell.
Hold it.
You know, it's time for your briefing.
What if I don't like what I hear?
Then I'm afraid you got big trouble.
Come on.
Sit down.
Sit down, gentlemen.
This is Colonel Sandoval,
Inspector General of the northern border of the Army of Mexico.
Colonel Sandoval has promised us complete cooperation.
In what?
I'm getting to that, Crandell.
Now, when you new men joined me, you said you had plenty of guts.
Well, you're going to need every ounce.
You men are going to assist me in the military conquest and occupation of Baja California.
Rich.
Untouched.
Undeveloped.
Populated by friendly Indians...
undefended.
It's all there for the taking, gentlemen, if anybody has the guts to take it.
And we have that!
And what's the Mexican Army going to do?
Just stand by while we walk in and take over?
I think I am best qualified to answer that, Señor Wolfe.
Oh, thank you, Colonel.
Please do.
Yes, my friend, the Mexican government is indeed going to stand by and do nothing.
In the interior of Mexico, the Yaqui Indians are in revolt.
Revolucion has broken out in Chiapas,
Sonora, Michohuacan.
It will be months before the central government can move against us.
By that time, we will be secure behind our fortifications.
Baja will be ours!
And after that... who knows what can be accomplished by brave and ruthless men.
Thank you, Colonel.
You catch on quickly.
Sergeant, will you take over, please?
Thank you, sir.
Gentlemen, there are 200 men standing by in Ensenada, waiting to take over the port.
One word from Mr. Wolfe, and the port's ours.
That word will come very soon.
Here's where we attack.
We cross the border at Mexicali, Tecate,
Tijuana... with only scattered forces to oppose us.
Most of whom, thanks to me, will be on maneuvers at the crucial hour.
What happens then?
You've got the imagination of a clam.
A nation of men like us?
Who take what we want when we want it?
We write our own ticket.
We make our own rules.
The fighting probably won't be as hard on you as the celebrating after you've taken it.
And while all this is going on,
President Grant will be playing Tiddlywinks with the American Army, right?
You're one of the smart ones, aren't you?
I keep trying.
Well, Grant won't do anything.
Mexico doesn't like gringos meddling in their affairs.
We attack.
The American Army might as well be playing Tiddlywinks as try to stop us.
We take Baja California!
With the aid of, uh, Colonel Sandoval, of course.
Of course.
Now, you men will get your individual assignments from Sergeant Bender.
Colonel, uh, would you join me outside, please?
I have a few things I'd like to show you.
It's a big project.
You think we can get away with it?
Can't miss.
Get outside.
Of my own design, Colonel.
Ah...
Are you a, uh, weapons expert?
I was the best ordnance man the Union Army ever had, only they didn't know it.
But they'll know it soon.
Simple, isn't it?
Makes an artillery man out of an infantryman.
I would be very much interested to see it work.
Oh?
Crandell!
Yes?
Here, see how good a shot you really are.
Cute.
It's far from cute.
There's a weather vane over there.
See if you can hit it.
In which eye?
Just hit it.
Fantastico.
It's a pretty good piece.
I could have used this in the old days.
You'll be using one like this very soon.
That was quite a good shot.
I could have hit it with a brick.
Hey, if all your men can shoot as good as this one, eh...
What is your name, señor?
Crandell.
Bob Crandell.
Hmm.
If I had an army of men such as this, if I had only 200, I could take
Baja California by myself.
Yes, Colonel, but I have the men.
And my cooperation, no?
Which will make it that much easier for me.
Of course.
Oh, one more thing, Señor Wolfe.
You know, sooner or later, my government's armies will move against you.
It will take time, but they cannot just stand by.
Of course not.
I'll be expecting them... with, uh, some surprises.
Oh, you better watch this, too, Crandell.
You've been asking a lot of questions.
Maybe the Turtle will answer them for you.
Gatling gun... four-pound field piece... quarter-inch armor plate.
Rifle bullets will bounce right off it.
Now I send a dozen of these to deploy along the Colorado River.
What does your army do when it runs up against them?
They will probably run a lot, señor.
Your own invention, Mr. Wolfe?
All mine.
Built by the finest armorers in Europe who came to join up with me.
You see, my vision attracts all kinds of men.
I prefer money.
Visions aren't spendable.
This is where the money is.
You're a clod, Crandell.
A fast gun who can't think past his next drink.
I can see the vision, señor.
First, Baja California, then Mexico, then all of Central America, huh?
All the old empire of the Conquistadores.
Ah, yes... but the Conquistadors were not armed as we will be.
Yes.
Think I'm crazy, eh, Crandell?
You may get lucky.
It won't be luck.
Go on about your business.
A little military discipline will do you some good.
Ah!
It inspires me, Señor Wolfe.
A weapon like this, and a rifle like that.
Why stop at Baja California?
Why not all Mexico, immediately, eh?
A child must learn to crawl before he can walk, Colonel.
True.
But the day will come.
Marvelous!
Oh, you must give me Sinaloa, eh?
I know a hacienda there.
It would make a perfect palace for the Governor.
And the most beautiful women in the world come from Sinaloa.
You must visit me.
You will be my guest, eh?
Why, of course, Governor.
You can count on it.
Good, good.
Hey, Bender, what do I do now?
Join that work party over there.
Lend a hand loading them crates.
I didn't sign up to be a laborer.
You signed up to take orders.
Now do what I told you.
Who's that?
Name's Crandell.
Escaped from the Yuma Territorial a week ago.
Crandell?
Doesn't ring a bell, but he sure looks familiar.
Probably ran across him someplace, maybe in the Army.
No, not that long ago.
Somewhere.
Well, come on, we got more important things to worry about.
Now, listen.
You send ten men across at Achour, armed with an X-2 rifle and grenades.
Right, we take the outpost, then...
That's it.
What's it?
That guy's wife.
That's where I've seen that other guy before- they were in that railroad car together.
Come on!
You, Crandell!
Kill that man!
He's a spy!
Hold it!
Hold it!
What's this all about, Sergeant?
Crandell, sir- he's a spy.
Are you sure?
Holfield saw him the other night when he tried to silence that Leon woman.
No doubt about it?
Positive identification, sir.
Well, that was quite a mistake,
Mr. Whatever- your-name-is.
Win a few, lose a few.
A spy in your own headquarters?
That is very sloppy work,
Señor Wolfe.
Oh, that'll be easily remedied.
Why? 
What are you going to do with him?
What does one do with a spy?
Shoot him, of course.
Of course.
Looks like your days as a filibusterer are at an end, Señor.
I don't like the hours anyhow.
Lock him up!
I got caught with my plans on, that's all.
It's ridiculous- the whole crackpot idea.
No, it isn't.
He can do it.
Take over Baja California?
Who's going to stop him?
I have 20 men in my post in Mexicali, seven more at Tecate, 15 at Tijuana.
That's not the kind of forces you can rely on to stop an invasion.
What about the rest of the Mexican Army?
Wolfe is right.
The Army is fighting the Yaquis.
Could be months before we could get a force organized to move against Baja California.
Well, we're not going to stop him from in here.
How do they feed you?
They open the door, then slide it in at the bottom.
They ever take you out for exercise, questioning?
Never. 
I've been in here since Wolfe found out I was against him.
He doesn't need me anymore.
He's got a colonel now.
We've got a colonel.
That's Artemus.
Gordon?
Wolfe believes him?
You know Art; he's got winning ways.
You got a visitor, Leon.
Don't try anything stupid, Crandell.
Ah, Captain Leon.
What do you want, traitor?
The caged rat would do well not to snarl at the tiger, eh?
I want your signature, Captain Leon, for the sake of the record.
You will never get it.
I don't need it, of course.
My own signature would suffice.
But I think it would look better for the record if the order sending the border posts out on maneuvers came from their regular commander.
You will carry out your treachery without my help.
I simply want in all ways to keep the confidence of my troops.
Forget it, Colonel.
Most uncooperative.
What do you intend to do with young captain?
He'll be shot.
They both will.
When?
Tomorrow morning.
Sad.
Such young men.
But it's always the young ones who are the most foolish, no?
I couldn't say.
A little explosive Artemus developed.
But just getting out won't solve anything.
It'll be a start.
But what then?
Can you operate a Gatling gun?
Of course.
Then maybe we can give them a run for their money.
But you need a fuse for that.
Now all we need is the proper moment.
Tomorrow, then?
Precisely at dawn, if that gives you time enough.
I certainly hope so, eh?
Then Ensenada will be ours by 8:00.
The border posts, if you do what you say you can, by 10:00.
I promise you action, my friend.
Lots of it, eh?
Adios.
You trust him?
I don't trust any man I can buy that easily, but I'm sure he'll give the right orders.
What then, after we take over?
I think we'll be able to dispense with his services... permanently.
A little libation, Sergeant, in honor the occasion?
Glad to, Mr. Wolfe.
I've, uh...
I've been wondering, Mr. Wolfe...
Wondering what?
The reason.
The real reason you're doing this.
A wolf is born to hunt.
You put a wolf in a cage... he can't hunt.
He dies.
I'm a soldier, Sergeant, just like you.
And, of course, it's a good way of getting back at the government for what they did to you.
Oh, no, no, no, you're wrong.
I don't hold that against them.
I was clumsy.
I took a bribe and I got caught.
I would have court-martialed myself if I had been them.
Oh, but they were fools- kicking you out of the Army- a man with your talents.
A man of my talents cannot be held by protocol and regulations.
I have to make my own rules, Sergeant, and I will.
I'll have my own nation run according to my own rules.
You know what that means?
I have some idea.
You're thinking of the thousands of good men throughout the world who are on the run.
An army of them... looking for a place to hide.
Well, I'll give it to them...
as long as they follow my rules.
Criminals... revolutionaries, desperate men.
Oh, what an army they'll make.
Of course, there'll be a discipline problem.
The French Foreign Legion doesn't have any trouble.
They whip the toughest of men into line, and I can do the same.
My legions... 10,000... 100,000, 500,000 desperate men.
First we take Baja California.
Then we have all of Latin America at our feet.
Makes a soldier's mouth water, doesn't it, Sergeant?
Oh, I'll drink to that.
How'd you ever get mixed up in this?
I'm not proud of it.
Why?
Well, in my army... these, uh, border posts are the end of the world.
When you are assigned to one of them, ha, you know you just stay there and decay.
Mexico City forgets all about you.
And you're an ambitious man, right?
Anything wrong with ambition?
No... not unless that ambition gets you into trouble.
And it got me into trouble, all right.
Wolfe contacted me.
He didn't come right out and tell me what he had in mind.
Hinted around.
He said he was looking for a man who would cooperate... if the price was right.
Was the price right?
Governorship of Baja California.
And I was bitter.
Sure, I'd spend the rest of my career a forgotten captain commanding a forgotten post.
I decided to talk to him.
That doesn't explain how you ended up in jail.
I should have seen it coming.
Wolfe told me everything, and I just...
couldn't do it.
I had my moment of weakness, but it went away.
I, uh... turned him down.
Why didn't you go along with him?
I couldn't.
My country may have forgotten me, but I haven't forgotten my country.
I would've been surprised if you had.
Well, that's that.
How do you set it off?
We don't have a match between us.
A little help from the sun, we should start off with a bang.
Got a piece of paper?
Nothing.
They took everything.
There's nothing in the cell that will burn, either.
Mad money.
That looks like a... a $100 bill?
Can you change it?
Well, I always did want money to burn.
When do we do it?
Whenever it's right.
Whenever they're busy doing something else.
You seem uneasy, Sergeant.
Oh, I always get a few butterflies the day before we jump off.
Oh. 
Well, I have a little job for you.
Maybe it'll calm your nerves.
Certainly, Mr. Wolfe.
The prisoners-
Captain Leon and Crandell- can't very well leave them behind when we jump off, now, can we?
No, sir.
I want you to form a firing squad.
Take them out and shoot them.
Now, sir?
Right now!
Yes, sir.
Higgin, Foster, you two men get your rifles and follow me.
If ever I saw a firing squad...
What's up, Sarge?
Just a little light extermination before dinner.
Snap to.
We're going to be having visitors.
We've come to have a party.
Everybody gather 'round.
Oh, we've got good wine, fine brandy...
Well, are there no red-blooded men here?
Doesn't anybody want a drink?
There we are!
That's my wife!
Keep quiet.
But she could get hurt.
That's my friend with her.
He won't let anything happen to her.
We wanted a break- this is it.
Hey, Sarge, we can't shoot those prisoners on a parched gullet.
How about letting us get some of that?
Uh-uh, Mr. Wolfe said that we have...
Sure, sure, but he didn't know about the dames and the liquor.
Just stand by a minute.
Stand by?
They're going to drink it all up.
Come on.
Sergeant, what is all this?
They just showed up, sir.
Shall I throw them out?
No, no, let them stay.
Our men go into action tomorrow.
Letting them have some fun right now might not be bad psychology.
Besides, uh...
I might join them myself a little later.
Yes, but what about the prisoners, sir?
They'll keep, Sergeant.
Enjoy yourself.
Yes, sir.
The finest vintages in all California.
And when these are gone, there's more from my cantina just across the valley, gentleman.
These are just a sample.
There you are.
Everybody dance!
Dance and drink and laugh!
Ah, who knows what may happen tomorrow?
Brandy! 
I have the finest brandy here.
Who wants it, eh?
I'll take it.
Ah!
Get back against that wall.
When it blows, move fast.
Get going!
Get him! 
Get those men!
Hurry! 
Get them out of the Turtle!
Get that Gatling gun going.
Aim for the gun ports!
Sergeant, get the X-2.
For every hole I have to put into the Turtle,
I'll put a dozen into their mangy hides.
We've been hit.
It's no good. 
He stopped us.
This thing'll protect us from regular bullets, but not from those.
Keep firing.
I got to get Wolfe.
I can't get a shot at him.
One of these hit all that dynamite, the whole place would blow up.
Look out!
Wait a minute! 
Whoa!
Captain Leon, you can come out now.
It looks like we've won ourselves a war.
Now you can lead your army, Mr. Wolfe, to the Federal prison.
To the lovely lady that showed up at the right time with all the right equipment.
Well, thank you very much.
Not you. 
The other lovely lady.
Oh.
Although I must admit, you were convincing.
I'll take that as a compliment to my many talents.
Otherwise, I'd have to belt you in the mouth.
Corida, you should not have done it.
You could have been hurt.
I had to do something.
I was worried about you.
Even after we said we were going after him?
I'm disappointed in you.
Is that all the faith you have in us?
But I told her absolutely she should stay out of it.
A woman's place is to obey her husband.
And aren't you glad I didn't?
Well, if you're going to be practical about it...
Of course, much of the credit goes to the grand old lady of the Secret Service-
Artemus Gordon.
You're never going to let me live that down, are you?
No, I have no intention of it.
Okay, go ahead, laugh, laugh, but who was it that went out with three beautiful women? 
Me.
And didn't we have a good time...
Say, I just thought of something.
I wonder what those two other girls are doing tonight.
Now you're thinking, Artemus.
I know exactly what they're doing tonight.
What?
They're staying home with their husbands.
Any more suggestions, Artemus?
Yes. 
Soup's getting cold.

Landslides,
Earthquakes and other mysterious phenomena have occurred simultaneously in opposite corners of the globe.
Areas heaviest hit are reported to be the Euro Mountains and the Rockies.
The United Democracies have also reported title waves reaching a height of 160 feet, battering port installations along the coasts of all five continents.
Countless lives have been lost and property damage is impossible to estimate.
Top scientists at UD headquarters have been unable to locate any subterranean or atmospheric cause for these devastating phenomena which have been striking concurrently in different parts of the world, threatening the earth with incalculable destruction if it does not cease.
The latest theory is that the upheavals may be due to some gravity disturbance in outer space never before encountered.
Monday, March 19th, 10:00 A.M.,
Space Command Headquarters,
General Norton, Chief in Command arrives to begin the full-scale search of outer space to determine the validity of this theory and take all possible steps to halt the catastrophic destruction.
Look out General!
It looks like it's our turn.
All right, all of you, back to your posts, back!
Morning, Charles.
General Norton.
I'm very glad you could make it.
I just made it.
You can take my word for it, it was a rough trip.
But you, you look a mess.
I've been at this thing now for two days without sleep.
I've practically been living on Endodrine.
The worst is ahead.
You got my message?
Yes, Chief.
I tell you Charles' it's absolutely incredible.
I don't know what to make of it.
I quite understand.
There'll be mass hysteria if it doesn't stop soon.
I've had the computer section on double shift.
It keeps coming up with zero.
We'll have to find it fast Charles.
I'm convinced it's a space problem.
Then you'll want to take a look at this.
It's from Schmidt's team.
They have a wild theory, and they're convinced that it's a space problem too.
I didn't want to advise UD of it until you got here.
Send out a top secret alert and arrange for a meeting.
And I want Jackson on this.
Yes, sir.
Section 342.
Signal out a 5-7, put all stations on alert.
Signal 5-7 on alert code.
Captain Danton, I read you.
Set this up for Commander Jackson on Gamma 1 please.
This is their show.
Returning to the major disturbances.
Those in authority estimate that thousands of families are homeless.
In European Coastal cities business districts has been almost totally destroyed.
Among other losses are fifty thousand pieces of mail washed away when the post offices were inundated.
Governments are having extreme difficulty maintaining order.
We've just received an announcement from the UD.
Commander Rod Jackson will be in charge of the survey unit to investigate the possibility of total space disturbance.
Turn that off.
Bonton.
... recently completed (neutron deflector to a space command post Gamma 1.
God help us.
We have an immediate 5-7 with full priority.
Of course, Lieutenant' priority it is.
5-7, that's top secret.
This really is trouble isn't it?
Here's your code key and kill those newscasts.
Yes sir, Lieutenant.
Prepare for code transmission.
Commander Jackson and crew ready for take-off.
Prepare for arrival at fourteen hours.
Commander Jackson and crew report to Pad 9 for immediate launch to Gamma 1.
Commander Jackson and crew report to Pad 9 for immediate launch to Gamma 1.
Ready Commander.
May I have your ETA please?
437, program now positioned for immediate launch.
Pulling cargo, three thousand tons.
Flying Jet Channel A at thirty-five thousand feet.
Will re-check during flight.
What are we supposed to be looking for?
Has anyone told us that?
No one knows.
But we're not picked up this deflector for nothing.
I can't figure it out.
What do they think we'll find out there?
Flying saucers or what?
Green and activated.
All phases checked.
Ready to launch.
Deflector cargo and Jackson crew here.
Read you.
ETA figures check out.
All systems go.
Pleasant trip commander.
Ready, pour it on.
11:30 A.M.
Commander Rod Jackson, veteran spaceman returns to Gamma 1 after picking up the deflector and orders for the most important mission of his career.
There she is, good old Gamma 1.
Read us Gamma?
This is Gamma 1, we read your signal.
Systems functioning?
Check, check.
Get set for light up.
Ready and waiting.
Switch all controls to station automatic.
Switching out.
Stand by for weight gain.
Standing by.
Do you read your cargo Commander?
Cargo ball is on.
You're on our controls.
Take it away.
Start the check out in the decompression zone.
Attention cargo personnel, attention cargo personnel.
Unload red horse cargo on, on ramp two without going beyond the limits of your stations.
Remain within station limits.
I think I'll go over to flight control and help them set up that deflector.
Yes, the sooner the better.
Right.
Latest earth news bulletins to all space installations.
Strange atmospheric conditions continue to cause major disturbances around the various positions of the earth.
Many major cities have been affected by various atmospheric phenomena.
Due to the record tides which flooded these large masses of the earth, many cities have been forced to evacuate their populations...
Rod, what's happening on earth?
Aren't you supposed to be in there with your section?
...scientists have been unable to account for the atmospheric conditions now effecting... 5-7 coming in Commander.
Kill that newscast please.
Anybody find anything?
Not yet sir.
This could mean only one thing.
What could mean only one thing?
The 5-7.
It could mean anything or nothing.
I have a feeling.
We operate on facts, not feelings Lieutenant.
In the meantime' how about getting this 5-7 out to every relay outpost in the quadrant as soon as it comes in?
We ready Joe?
I'm pre-setting now.
We're nearly go.
Go when ready.
Here, honey' this is top priority.
Okay.
The code key is coming through.
It's coming in now Lieutenant Sanchez.
Okay, Joe.
There's nothing in this we don't know from the newscasts.
They might as well of sent it in the clear.
They're code crazy down there.
Are you prepared to transmit?
It's all a go except Outpost Echo.
♪ Batman ♪
♪ Batman ♪
♪ Batman ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na na-na na ♪
♪ Batman ♪♪

Hello.
The France-England match?
I don't like sports.
Watch it!
You're going down the wrong path.
Cold Duck... 
It figures.
Don't mind me.
I just need to straighten up.
I'll organize these books.
Sometimes our destiny is held in one of these.
Pardon?
What do you do for a living?
Am I too curious?
We're direct in my country.
No, it's okay.
I'm a writer.
- Like me, how "stranger".
- "Stranger", indeed.
Let me clear the table.
It's reality, in a way.
Reality...
I make good money.
I'm a rich and famous writer.
I just published my 2nd book.
My 3rd will be a great love story...
with a beautiful girl.
I'll love her and she'll love me because I'm rich... and I'm a famous writer.
We're going out, Andre.
- We'll have lunch when we get back.
- I could make something.
See you soon.
Eggs... peas.
On the Menu: 
Omelets with peas.
- Sorry, I thought I was alone.
- You look funny in that.
- Can I help you?
- Okay.
Don't pull on it!
You lack balance.
- Do you smell something?
- Oh, shit!
My food!
If you write as bad as you cook... you're not serious, Mr. Writer.
It's excellent!
I didn't know you could cook.
French cuisine is famous.
Yes, famous.
He did everything perfectly.
"It's what Galtier-Boissière said, in addition to key events in my life...
"Gonorrhea in 1930.
Meeting Celine in 1934."
I'll be going.
See you tomorrow, maybe.
Andre...
Go now.
I'm going out to buy a book.
Would you go with me?
Anywhere you like.
Let's go.
It's warm in here.
Cute, isn't it?
I got it when I was two years old.
I still remember.
I remember everything.
It's important to remember the past.
You must remember it.
You want to know me better?
Yes.
It's proof of the past.
Look for me!
Who is this big man?
That's my father.
- Is he still alive?
- No, he's dead.
Are you happy?
Yes, but the alarm clock scares me.
That's silly. 
The night is long and we love each other.
Le Monde, please.
- How much is it?
- 40 cents.
- How's it going, guys?
- We have nothing to smoke.
- Take a drink of this.
- No, thank you.
Here, Mr. Andre.
- Why are you here today?
- It's Saturday. 
I'm relaxing.
- You look tired. 
Something wrong?
- Haven't you seen the papers!
Oh, we live in strange times.
You can't get upset over everything.
It's for my pay.
- Name?
- Bressard
I.D.?
928 Francs.
100... 200.. 300... 400... 500... 600... 700... 800... 900... 20... 25...
- Not much, is it?
- Enough to live on.
To live on...
Right, on this!
Goodbye!
You forgot 3 francs.
Money!
I don't have any money.
Just a few francs each month.
I want lots of money.
Wads of cash!
Mr. Dutour, after being injured in yesterday's attack, has died.
That brings the number of victims to nine.
And now our show...
Keep Smiling!
A pack of Briard's...
Corn leaf.
Le Monde, please.
- How much is it?
- 40 cents.
- You don't have change?
- No.
One ticket.
A ticket, please!
A ticket?
Yes.
Bombs... terrorism... victims...
Death strikes everywhere!
Such waste!
But we'll get those bastards!
Politics is all about money...
And I have an idea.
I'm weak now but that will change.
They're small notes, but I have a lot of them.
I can make my budget...
allocate my capital.
Rent...
Food...
Pocket money...
A pair of slacks.
A record player...
I'm over budget.
It's impossible.
THE REBEL
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Pff... and you?
- I'm okay.
Do you always read that kind of stuff?
- Yes, like everyone.
- The majority isn't always right.
You should read L'Express, or Le Monde, or L'Obervateur.
- Did you hear about the attack?
- What attack?
If you read something else, you'd know better.
A beer.
These are cool.
I feel like buying one.
If you saw their display windows...
What fashion!
This coat would look great on me.
You don't see anything.
I saw that nine people died yesterday!
Silly girl!
I'm going to buy it.
You don't like anything...
nothing I like anyhow.
- I have to go.
- Let's go out tonight?
Impossible.
I'm like a table at La Tour d'Argent, booked in advance.
See you soon... 
Goodbye.
Were you in Vietnam?
Yes, with Jean-Pierre Muscardot.
You know Jean-Pierre Muscardot?
Yes, we served together.
It must have been hard.
Well, that's war.
We were there for a while.
Did you go to school in Algeria?
Yes, I went to high school there.
Did you graduate?
I almost did, but I didn't pass all my final exams.
But I took my exams again by correspondence.
- Did you pass?
- Yes, I got my diploma.
You're beautiful, Miss.
What's your name?
You don't know?
I'm already in love with you.
Let me tell you that I love you.
She looked at me.
You looked at me, so I'll come up to you.
No, you can't just approach a girl you don't know on the Metro.
Besides, society prevents you from talking to me.
You're here. 
I'm here...
And we're strangers.
We'll stay strangers.
Goodbye, Miss.
Goodbye.
Too bad.
Hello.
Here you go.
See you.
Twelve clients.
That's a long day.
Great! 
Long days stink.
Finish up.
I have to fix the machine.
A beer, please.
Finally! 
What took so long?
- We've been busy.
- You could have called.
- Who do I complain to?
- The company.
Okay, then.
Here's your beer.
- Give me a call later.
- Okay.
Okay... 
let's see what's wrong.
- You've got a cool job.
- It was at first.
That looks complicated.
It looks complicated, but it's rather simple.
This is a classic model.
- Will it take long?
- No, it's just a circuit.
You have to hit it hard but stay cool.
Pinball is like politics.
You need reflexes and to be alert.
- It's hard to win on this one.
- No, give it a try.
Move your hands.
Loosen your fingers and concentrate.
Look at the angle.
Another terrorist attack.
Le Monde.
It's bad, guys.
I was there.
I heard the explosion.
That bastard who planted the bomb!
We should blow him up.
Something must be done.
The end justifies the means.
At any means?
You can't blow up everybody who's not like you.
That's not right.
They profess their ideas by their acts.
They just like violence.
OUT OF ORDER
A beer, please.
Hi, how are you?
- I'm okay. 
You still making movies?
- Yes, but it's hard now.
European cinema is screwed!
Producers are afraid to invest because it's not profitable.
So you go it alone, but there's no money.
And you?
I'm writing. 
I have some plans.
I want to do a report on Africa...
Gabon, maybe.
What do you write?
Everything... poems.
But people aren't interested.
That's not bad.
Nobody's interested in cinema or literature.
They only like pinball.
Pinball?
Yes, I'm getting sick of it, but you have to make a living.
- Hurry up.
- I'm going.
Books and literature will get you nowhere.
It seems I'm not real.
Some guy invented me to make a film.
Now people are watching this fictional story.
I'll turn the tables.
I'm going to watch my story, and become part of the audience.
THE ATTACK
We must stop all this!
It's scandalous!
It's mass rebellion again.
An army of fools!
It's time to take a stance!
They've shown no mercy!
Let's knock them on their asses!
We're walking in the dark.
We're impotent.
We advance by revolution.
We're being slaughtered by lack of initiative.
It's insane!
- Let him talk!
- No, he...
- No, he just talks in general.
- Mostly rubbish!
Okay, I'll speak.
We have to do something!
We're being ripped apart by their machinations.
Their appetite grows and feeds on the masses.
We need to make a big strike and unite the democratic forces.
We're young, restless, and impatient.
We must act now!
Right!
Let's vote on the 1st counter-attack:
Removing from the city walls... all fascist slogans.
Yeah, let's form teams!
That's totally useless!
We can do a lot more.
The meeting's over... majority rules.
Enact the plan now.
Come on, let's go.
It's too stuffy in here.
That was absurd.
We need to do something violent.
A revolution.
No, you're missing the point.
It's too soon.
The committee is too divided.
The masses won't follow us.
You have to plan a revolution.
In the meantime, we fall asleep.
In 1789, they had objectives.
You have to hit the iron while it's hot.
You don't understand.
It's a group effort.
First of all, 1789 was a failure.
So was 1848.
- You're too individualistic.
- Perhaps.
Let's talk about something else.
I'm sick of all this.
And then, that bitch!
- It's a nightmare.
- Who, Joselyn?
You know it!
She's a total idiot.
I don't get it.
She bothers you.
Let her go.
There's other girls.
Sure!
But no... that wouldn't work.
Girls don't like me.
If I meet a girl, and I chase after her...
It doesn't work.
She escapes like a snake between two rocks.
So when I need a girl
I always fall back on Joselyn.
It gives me nightmares.
- Let's grab a drink.
- I can't. 
She's waiting for me.
- There she is.
- See you then.
Oh, Hey!
Hello!
THE RIGHT WILL WIN
DEATH TO COMMUNISTS
Oh, hello.
- Nice evening, isn't it?
- Not bad.
Reading tabloids now?
That's better.
You're a pain!
So...
Do you like my new coat?
I told you I don't care.
You don't care about anything.
Look at you!
I guess terrorist attacks aren't interesting.
You don't care if people live or die.
You have your little problems.
Let the others die.
You have problems too.
Why can't I have mine?
These aren't my problems.
They are society's problems.
We must take responsibility.
You piss me off.
You don't understand anything.
- I don't suppose you want to go out.
- Andre, I'm an organized woman.
So if you want to go out, ask me in advance.
Tonight I can't.
Goodnight then.
Care for a cigarette?
Thank you.
Have you got a light?
Here.
Look at the hands of the clock.
They're moving backwards.
Yes, time stands still and I'm waiting.
Me too.
But how can we wait if time stands still?
- I'm not waiting for anyone.
- Neither am I.
Since we're not waiting for anyone... we could be waiting for each other.
I'll come sit next to you.
Make room for me.
I know somewhere intriguing, like you.
I saw a brunette, tall and beautiful, with big eyes.
You're the girl from the Metro.
I wrote a short story.
And Jana?
Are you waiting for Jana?
I'm Jana.
Marie-Helene too.
And the birds and flowers.
I'm in a hurry...
to catch a plane.
Time moves back.
I think I missed my flight.
Let's check the clock at my place.
Maybe it's different.
- How about it?
- Okay.
Make yourself at home.
It's nice here.
- Live alone?
- No.
- So...
- So what?
- Champagne?
- Yes.
To our adventure!
To us!
Or to you... and desire.
- Hear that?
- No, were you expecting someone?
Listen... in the stairwell.
I hear footsteps.
Coming closer...
It's him.
- Him.
- Who? 
Tell me!
Him.
Now, you don't know what to say.
He's reached our floor.
Listen, he's here.
Who is it?
Tell me!
My husband!
He's going to kill you.
If he sees me with another man, he kills him.
He kills them all.
You're done for!
It's a mania of his.
He's going to kill you.
You're going to die.
- Did you hear?
- What?
About the attack.
- You're interested now?
- I'm trying to be.
I think maybe you're right, but there's one thing I don't get.
All you do is talk, saying it's time to stand up.
But you just sit there and fix pinball machines.
Why not do what they do?
Make a bomb... a big bomb.
Make some noise.
No one else will.
What?
You could plant a bomb on Bastille Day.
It would be in the papers.
People would wake up.
I'd like to be loved by someone like that.
But you just sit on your hands.
It's pathetic!
You want to write and do things but you fix pinball machines.
Yeah, that's what I do.
To make a big strike...
To hit back...
and make myself heard.
Marie-Helene is a dimwit.
François too.
He talks about politics but he just likes the girls.
At the train station...
St. Lazare!
No one will be there.
The trains are on strike.
So there won't be any victims but it will be spectacular!
A big bomb...
But how?
There must be a way.
Yes, pinball.
I have to fix one across from the station.
The pinball will send a signal.
A radio signal will set off the bomb which will be in the station.
Thursday, June 2nd, Train Strike.
The Left Strike Back!
The train strike is on Thursday.
A bomb...
No one will be there, so no victims.
But it will be spectacular.
A big bomb...
But how?
There must be a way.
Yes, pinball.
Sir...
The next... act of... terrorism... will not be committed... by the Right... but by the Left.
For it is time... to strike back.
Sir...
In the name of... liberty... and of... social legality... and of... human dignity,
the time has come... to strike back... against the acts... of terrorism... committed by... fascist organizations.
Also...
Determined...
We, of the Left...
- Well?
- I can't get too involved.
- Were you in on the last job?
- No.
It's dangerous and expensive.
- I have enough.
- Okay, bring cash tomorrow!
And be anonymous.
- I'll finish tomorrow. 
I need a part.
- Whatever is best, Mr. Gottlieb.
I'm here to fix the machine.
In Memory of Train Workers Who Died for France
You seem odd.
You're not drinking.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
- Are you all right?
- Yes.
- Is today Friday?
- Yes, it is.
So yesterday was Thursday?
Yes, because today is Friday.
And tomorrow is Saturday.
And nothing happened?
Anyway, I don't care.
I like your dress.
Wow, you noticed!
It's a designer dress.
But you never noticed it before?
I've had it a long time.
Do you really like it?
It's funny you mentioned it.
You're silly.
No, it's just nice to see a pretty girl.
Looks are important, poise and grace too.
I like that.
Are you sick?
No, I just like your dress.
I should dress better myself.
It's important.
It didn't go off but the machine is fine now.
I can't intervene without being seen.
Damn!
It has to go off. 
It must.
It will be horrible...
Provided someone scores 500 points.
Oh, I don't care.
It's beyond me now.
News Flash...
A new terrorist attack has taken place at St. Lazare Station.
Eight people are dead and 22 wounded.
The source of the attack is unknown.
I was here on duty.
It happened so suddenly.
That's not normal.
- When did it happen?
- Yesterday.
- But who did it?
- You're bothering the investigation.
- Those bastards!
- Who?
The same as always!
Ten dead... for nothing!
Yes, for nothing or maybe something.
We don't know.
We must do something.
Something violent.
A revolution!
No, it's too soon.
The people are too divided.
The time it takes to prepare, we'll have fallen asleep.
You're a bunch of fools.
I don't like politics!
Are you waiting for Jana?
I'm Jana... 
Marie-Helene too.
...and the birds and flowers.
Do you have a light?
Did you hear about the attack yesterday at St. Lazare Station?
You probably don't care why someone would do that.
He's a writer... 
Jana's friend.
He's written 12 books.
He wanted to strike back.
That's why.
I had to do it.
The others just put up posters.
And sit on their hands.
I planted a bomb.
The target was 500 points.
Then BOOM!
It's not my fault.
It was the player's fault.
He was too good.
The pinball set off the bomb.
I have no regrets.
I'm rather pleased.
That's one less pinball machine in any case.
It's the electronic god.
That nerve-racking machine!
You don't care?
Neither do I.
The orphans and those who died, blown away...
Me too, I find it amusing.
I'll write a poem about the attack.
I've started a report.
The cops brushed me aside.
If they had only known it was me.
But they're stubborn.
They want hard proof.
Well, you're not talking.
I'm leaving.
That's him.
Did a man pass by here?
Yes, I don't know who he is, but he just went upstairs.
Yes, it was me.
But you won't take me alive!
I'll blow us all up!
Hi, Dear.
Finally!
I was getting worried.
News Flash...
A man just took his life with a grenade.
He had claimed responsibility for the attack at St. Lazare.
But upon further investigation, he was ruled out.
The search for the terrorist organization continues.
Subtitles by Gianni777

45, and he shouldn't play anymore.
You want to try it?
You want to go?
Think of a card.
Think of a card.
All right, I'm thinking of a card.
What's the card?
Uh...
You don't have to come to attention.
Hi, Schultz.
Hi, Schultz.
What's the card?
It's nothing.
Nothing.
Five of diamonds?
You owe me...
Oh, Colonel Hogan.
You don't even have to read it.
It's nothing. 
Nothing!
All right, Schultz.
Wait a minute.
"Attention, Allied prisoners:
"For fun, fame and fortune, join the illustrious Luftwaffe"?
!
LeBEAU:
Are you asking us to be a traitor, Schultz?
( all yelling )
Please! 
Please!
I have nothing to do with this.
Order from the propaganda ministry.
Herr Goebbels, he always thinks of things like this.
All right, Schultz.
You did your duty.
Get out of here.
Right away, Colonel Hogan.
Of course, there is a little speech which goes with this notice, but if anybody asks you, just say I made it.
Wait, wait a minute, Schultz.
We'd like to hear it.
Right, fellas?
( all agreeing )
Speech, speech!
I'd like to hear it.
Come on, Schultzy.
Go on.
Make the speech.
( clearing throat )
"Former members of a second-rate air force..."
You don't want to hear it.
HOGAN:
Yes, we do, Schultz.
We'd like to hear the speech, right, fellas?
Sure, let's hear the speech.
Speech, speech!
"Why are you are continuing to rot in our escape-proof prisons?"
Figure of speech.
Sure, sure.
"Face the fact that your side is losing the war."
We're losing?
!
Somebody's losing it.
That's the important point.
Eh... "Why not put your training to a useful purpose?
"Help the Luftwaffe shape the society of the future
"in the skies of Europe.
"We offer you a chance to get in on the ground floor
"and become a part of the glorious history of the Thousand Year Reich!"
Forget that I mentioned it.
Wait. 
No, no, no, Schultz.
It's a great idea.
It is?
Yeah, for our side.
I'm going to get some German officers to defect to us, send them to England to organize the German prisoners there into a new fighting force.
You know what it's going to be called?
Is it important that I know?
The Schultz Brigade.
The Schultz Brigade...?
That's a great idea!
Please, Colonel Hogan.
Yes, indeed, Schultz.
I can see it now.
You'll be a legend in your own time.
The Schultz Brigade, in memory of the intrepid guard...
I hear nothing! 
Nothing!
Gentlemen, think how hard this is for me.
General Burkhalter is my best friend.
He is my best friend also, Klink, but do you want to be general or not?
Of course, Colonel Burmeister, of course.
Could you please keep your voice down?
Klink, how often must we talk of this?
Just one more time.
All right, Klink.
You command Stalag 13.
I command Stalag 10, and Bussie commands Stalag 19.
General Burkhalter commands us.
Now, if all three of us denounce him to the Gestapo separately, but with the same complaint, then he will be deposed and one of us will be made general in his place.
Uh-huh.
But that's only one chance out of three.
What chance do you have now?
Considerably less.
All right, so let us stop these weeks of talking and do it!
Shh, please keep your voice down.
( quietly ):
And do it.
Uh, what complaint did we agree on?
He is forcing us to give him 40% from the prisoner's food allowance.
Forty percent.
And the Gestapo knows that he pays them only on the basis of collecting 30% from us.
Naturally, they will not tolerate dishonesty.
Naturally.
Did I mention he was my best friend?
You mentioned it, Klink!
You've mentioned it!
Shh! 
Please, your voice.
No one can hear, Klink. 
No one.
I know that no one can hear, but you must realize this situation is, uh, delicate.
How do you like that?
Just when everything's perfect, Klink wants to be a general.
I didn't know Burkhalter was his best friend.
He's doing it to his best friend.
Shocking, I call it.
I knew things were going too smooth:
Escapees being processed through here like clockwork, our sabotage squad blowing up everything in sight, our printing press turning out more money than the German mint, and Klink wants to make general.
What do we do, Colonel?
We've got to stop him some way.
Because if, by chance, he does get his promotion and leaves here, our goose is cooked.
We'd never get another commandant like Klink.
You can say that again.
Let's hear it for old Klinky! 
Hip, hip!
( LeBeau whoops )
However, on the other hand, he's liable to bungle it and get caught--
( imitates gunshot )
We've got a new commandant.
Well, it would seem to me, summing up this situation, that what we need is some real action.
Some kind of action, right?
Wrong.
On second thought, you know what's going to happen?
He's going to get cold feet and chicken out-- listen.
BURMEISTER:
Then we are agreed.
Bussie?
Agreed.
Klink?
Certainly.
Agreed, agreed.
Did I tell you that I almost married the general's sister?
We all almost married the general's sister!
Congratulations on your narrow escape.
Are you in or out, Klink?
Yes and no.
Klink!
Looks like you called that one, Colonel.
That's our boy.
I better get over there and break it up before they talk him into it again.
Nobody allowed to leave the building.
Nobody allowed to leave any building.
Why?
Strict orders by General Burkhalter.
Burkhalter's here?
He just came through the front gate and seized the camp.
Anybody disobeying his orders will be shot.
Anybody questioning his orders will be shot.
Anybody asking the meaning of his orders will be shot.
What do you think it means?
Trouble.
Could you tell me what kind?
As a matter of fact, I could.
Please don't.
For the last time, Klink...!
Am I interrupting?
Ah, General Burkhalter.
How very nice to see you.
From now on, it will not be so nice.
Three weeks ago, Klink, you and Burmeister visited Bussie at Stalag 19.
Last week, Bussie, you and Klink visited Burmeister at Stalag 10.
And now, I see you all here at Stalag 13.
You have become very social, you three.
Oh, just a discussion of prison problems, General Burkhalter.
We never stop trying to build better mousetraps.
You take me for a fool, Klink?
Do you not know that I have my sources of information?
When I see my colonels getting together for a little chat,
I know what they are talking about-- a plot to replace me.
( all protesting )
Oh, no, no.
Stop pretending!
I only want to know one thing.
Who will save his skin by informing on the other two?
I believe that General Burkhalter knows that, as a man of honor,
I would never inform on my fellow officers were I involved in a conspiracy.
However, since I'm completely innocent and it was all the idea of Bussie and Burmeister...
Klink, you knew it was your idea!
...had nothing to do with that!
Quiet!
You're all under arrest in quarters.
I will see to it that you get a fair trial immediately, after which you will be shot.
But, General, you promised me...
But of course, Klink.
You will be shot last.
Huh?
Thank you, sir.
Psst! 
Schultz!
Halt! 
Who goes there?
Oliver Twist.
Oliver Twist.
Colonel Hogan, you should not even be here.
I have the unhappy duty of guarding Herr Kommandant Klink.
Nobody is allowed to approach.
I don't want to approach him, Schultz.
I just want to see him.
No, no, no, no, no!
It would be worth my life.
You're right, Schultz.
By the way, have you seen General Burkhalter?
Why?
I want to give him a progress report on the Schultz Brigade.
There is no Schultz Brigade.
Right, right.
Right?
Yeah.
But when Burkhalter hears of the organizing job you're doing, with that special kind of courage coupled with that tremendous drive...
Please, Colonel Hogan, go in quietly.
Do not stay long.
And leave without being seen.
You're a good sentry, Schultz.
Should I give my compliments to your superiors?
Please, Colonel Hogan!
Let's face it, Klink.
You blew the ball game.
You're right, Hogan.
I blew it.
Sweetest setup in the whole German army and you wanted to be a general.
Hogan, every man in my class has made general.
How many of them killed in action?
Quite a few.
How many of them shot by the Fuhrer?
Quite a few more.
And you couldn't be happy?
I was a fool, Hogan.
I see it now.
The next time...
There ain't gonna be no next time!
Hogan, he can't shoot a man who almost married his sister.
One will get you 20.
Why did I listen to those other two?
I knew they were not to be trusted.
Maybe because you're not to be trusted.
You're right.
Of course I am.
Hogan, why am I sitting here taking your abuse?
I'm the one to be shot.
I just wanted to arouse your fighting spirit.
Now we can plan.
Pla... 
Plan? 
What plan?
You mean you can help me?
Hogan, I give you my word, I'll be a better commandant.
I will be more humane, more understanding, less harsh.
You suit us just fine.
When's your trial come up?
Tomorrow.
General Burkhalter will conduct it himself.
Call me as a witness.
Why? 
You don't know anything about this.
That's right.
My mind won't be cluttered with a lot of facts.
You mean you would lie for me?
Wouldn't you do the same for me, sir?
Hogan, I never realized, deep down, how you must love me.
Not just me, sir, all the men.
All the men.
I must live for them.
It would be a help, sir.
The prisoners will now rise.
So, the facts are now all in, the evidence has been heard, and I'm therefore ready to pronounce sentence.
General Burkhalter, sir?
This is not meant as a criticism, General Burkhalter-- you are doing an excellent job in judging this case-- but, uh...
may I point out that, uh... we have not heard the evidence?
Of course not.
Of course not.
Of course not?
My informants are my own, and I personally dictated your confession so that I'm sure it is correct.
Oh, that's most efficient, sir.
But, uh...
I would like to call one witness in my defense.
Klink, I have an important engagement for lunch.
Fraulein Hilda, how could you?
Call your witness, Klink, and get it over with.
Of course, Herr General.
Thank you, sir.
Schultz, call Colonel Hogan.
Colonel Hogan!
No. 
Go get him.
Jawohl, Colonel.
What does Hogan have to do with this?
Sir, I would like him to tell you that.
Bussie, Burmeister, sit down.
Thank you, Herr General.
With the court's permission, sir,
I would like the witness to be seated over there.
Hogan, did I or did I not have a conversation with you two days ago concerning Colonel Bussie, Colonel Burmeister, seated over there?
Yes, sir, you did.
Uh-huh. 
And, uh, at that time, did I indicate to you that there had been conversations with these men at Stalag 10, Stalag 19?
And that these conversations would continue here at Stalag 13 the next day, which would be yesterday?
Yes, sir.
You certainly did.
Aha! 
And did I divulge to you the nature of these conversations?
Yes, sir.
Take down every word of this, Fraulein Hilda.
This is most important.
Now, did I tell you that Bussie and Burmeister had formed a plot against General Burkhalter?
That they were going to discredit him, and that they were going to oust him?
How's that, sir?
Hogan, please try to concentrate.
Did I not tell you that Bussie and Burmeister were forming a plot against General Burkhalter, and that I was playing along until I could uncover their sordid scheme and report it to the general?
No, sir.
The answer is yes, Hogan.
Let him give his own answers, Klink.
Hogan, did I not tell you that...?
What did I tell you?
That you tried to get Bussie and Burmeister involved in a plot against the general, but they turned you down and threatened to expose you.
Hogan!
Isn't that what you wanted me to say?
You have said enough, Hogan.
Bussie, Burmeister, stand up.
It would seem that you are cleared.
However, I would like you to remain at Stalag 13 until I have completed my investigation.
Jawohl, Herr General.
Very fine...
General Burkhalter,
I give you my word,
I never talked to Colonel Hogan about this at all.
What am I saying?
I have no idea, Klink.
What I have to say will be brief.
Tomorrow, you will be shot.
Come, my dear.
Gee, these courtroom things are kind of tricky, aren't they?
( grunts )
Herr Kommandant, uh, I have always admired...
Put that down!
* A toast, a toast
* To fine and dear old... *
Hi.
Hogan!
Our beautiful friend.
And we hardly even knew you.
We're going to get better acquainted.
Here, your new uniforms.
American Air Corps?
!
I... 
I do not think I understand, Colonel.
Well, look, I'll make this quick.
I fingered Klink because he's too tough a commandant.
He's cunning and cruel.
Klink?
Yes, Klink.
And Burkhalter's not going to stop there.
The Gestapo's going to get involved in this.
I might even talk.
Oh, you wouldn't.
We trust you.
Well, don't.
I turned on Klink, I could turn on you.
I'm a fink.
Understand? 
A fink.
But Colonel, what are we going to do?
Put on these uniforms;
I'll get you out of Germany.
We cannot defect.
We are career officers.
So was Klink.
They're retiring him tomorrow with a ten-gun salute. 
Pow!
He's right, Bussie.
You sure we cannot trust you?
Positive.
Well, thank you, Colonel, thank you.
BURMEISTER:
Thank you.
Oh, it's you.
It's definitely you.
How is it, Newkirk?
Well, I have had worse fits, sir.
I borrowed me mum's swimsuit once, when I was four.
Nobody's perfect.
How are your accents?
Jawohl, Herr Colonel.
Don't say too much. 
Carter?
Jabole, Herr Colonel.
Don't say anything at all.
Guns loaded?
Ja, ja.
Now, your guns have the real bullets, and we've got the blanks.
The other way around.
Oh, yeah, the other way around.
Yeah.
That's the way I had it.
You're sure?
I just forgot.
Yeah, all right, fine.
Remember, when you fire at us, aim over our heads.
Right.
Don't worry about a thing, Colonel.
Is it time to go now?
It's 9:20.
Move out in eight minutes: 9:28.
Check.
Oh, yeah, we've-we've got...
The real bullets.
...the real bullets.
Yeah.
* When the soldiers march through the town *
* Dee-brump-ba-brump-ba-bee *
* Be-dridle-da-la
* De-ra-rump-ah
* Dee-da-da-da-da-da-da
* Rump-ba-rump-ba-ba-ba
* De-da-da-rump
* A-when the soldiers...
Drop the gun, Schultz.
Hogan.
Come on, drop it.
( grunts )
Sorry to do this, but I got to see Colonel Klink.
You cannot!
You can.
( keys jingling )
( latch opening )
Come on, Schultz.
Open the door.
Don't do it, Schultz!
I'm not going anywhere with you, Hogan.
You betrayed me.
And I hated myself for it, but something much bigger has come up.
What could be bigger than my getting shot?
Burkhalter getting shot, because he's a general.
What are you saying, Hogan?
Just saw Bussie and Burmeister go into his quarters to get rid of him-- we got to stop 'em.
Schultz, call out the guards!
What good's that gonna do ya?
Don't call out the guards.
Let them shoot him.
Sure, and you're gonna be next.
Schultz, open the door.
( keys jingling )
You mean the two of us into an ambush like this?
I-I beg your pardon, Herr Kommandant, but I think Colonel Hogan has an excellent idea.
Good.
You're coming along, too.
Into an ambush?
Come on, let's go.
I think we'll be late.
We're right on the nose.
Let's go.
Schultz!
It's time to put the mask on.
Hey, it gives your face definition somehow.
You really think so?
Everything set?
Colonel Burmeister, and Colonel Bussie to see you, General.
Tell them to go away.
Hands up! 
Schnell!
This will not take long, General.
What is the meaning of this?
You convicted the wrong man!
Klink was innocent!
What do you intend to do?
We are going to kill you, but do not worry, your position will be filled immediately by one of us.
Bussie! 
Burmeister!
This is all so unnecessary.
I was thinking of retiring.
I was just saying to Hilda, who would succeed me but one of you two?
Uh... my dearest friends.
What of Klink?
Forget him.
He's to be shot.
I never could stand the man.
KLINK:
Burmeister!
Bussie!
You're surrounded.
Come out with your hands up!
What a wonderful friend.
Down, get down.
KLINK:
Burmeister! 
Bussie!
( gunfire continues )
Hey, watch where you're shooting!
NEWKIRK:
Shoot over their heads.
We've got the real bullets, remember?
( bullet clangs )
Oh, you!
( gunfire continues )
I'm going to call out the guards.
Don't do that, they'd shoot you.
You're an escaped prisoner.
Shouldn't we take that chance?
Look, the only way is to rush them.
How many shots have they fired?
Hogan, who's counting?
I'm gonna draw their fire.
( with German accent ):
Cease fire, or I will shoot Burkhalter!
Colonel Klink will not be intimidated!
I will not be intimidated!
Klink!
This is no time for you to get courageous.
NEWKIRK:
Do not raise your head.
Not even once.
I'm not even considering it.
( two gunshots )
Two shots muffled.
They've killed themselves.
Come on, let's go.
Colonel Hogan, if they are dead, what is the hurry?
Schultz, you're a coward.
Now you go first.
Come on, let's get them up.
General Burkhalter, where are they?
Ah, they probably went out the back way-
- I'll check.
Klink, you saved me, Klink.
Schultz, call the guard.
Guard!
No, outside!
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
My dear, good friend.
How I have misjudged you.
Not at all, Herr General.
And you, like a brother.
You could be a brother.
Huh?
My sister is still on the market.
Yes?
Well...
Close call, General.
I guess I'll be getting along.
BURKHALTER:
Wait!
It is your fault that I condemned Klink.
I want this man severely punished.
Severely punished.
Colonel Hogan!
30 days in the cooler.
Thanks a lot.
Hey, it worked like a charm, huh, Colonel?
What a brilliant operation.
Ah, knock it off.
What happens if we get caught, Colonel Hogan?
You have made us the most hunted men in all Germany.
My heart bleeds for you.
If you guys hadn't started this plot,
I wouldn't have drawn 30 days in the cooler.
But you are sure you can get us out of the country?
I'm sure... almost.
But, Hogan...
Almost?
!
Now, look, when you get to England, don't forget your mission, to organize the Schultz Brigade.
The Schultz Brigade.
Right.
Play your cards right, you might make second lieutenant.
But who is Schultz?
Who is Schultz?
!
Yeah.
Only the most courageous, intrepid, daring, gutsy... ( door opens )
I see nothing.
Nothing!
That's Schultz.
All right, Hogan, come in, come in.
Now, Hogan, before I commit you to the cooler, there is this matter of...
Well... sometimes, you have interesting ideas on certain things and...
Burkhalter fixed you up with his sister.
How do you know?
Never mind.
Hogan, what concerns me is that she should not get too serious.
You have any ideas?
Is the 30 days on or off?
I don't think well under pressure.
All right, it's off.
Well?
Oh, oh, please, please.
Danke.
I tell you what you got to do.
Give her the old soldier routine.
You may be sent off to battle any minute.
Your life is not your own.
It's not fair to the little woman, you know.
Excellent, excellent!
Wait.
She knows that I am permanently stationed at Stalag 13.
Easy. 
Tell her you're involved in a plot against Hitler.
Shh, shh.
I'm not, I'm not.
That would be sure death.
Why would I say such a thing?
You might figure it was worth it.
Have fun, Commandant.
"(End of Episode)"

( dramatic theme playing )
OFFICER:
Hold it!
( gunshots )
Hold your fire!
It's Kimble in the jacket.
Go on, get in!
Stop that truck.
NARRATOR:
( dramatic theme playing )
Starring David Janssen as Dr. Richard Kimble.
An innocent victim of blind justice.
Falsely convicted for the murder of his wife.
Reprieved by fate when a train wreck freed him en route to the death house.
Freed him to hide in lonely desperation.
To change his identity.
To toil at many jobs.
Freed him to search for a one-armed man he saw leave the scene of the crime.
Freed him to run before the relentless pursuit of the police lieutenant obsessed with his capture.
ANNOUNCER:
The guest stars in tonight's story:
Fritz Weaver.
Michael Constantine.
Brenda Scott.
ANNOUNCER:
( dramatic theme playing )
( tires squeal )
This is Lieutenant Wyckoff.
Just keep cruising the whole area.
If you spot him, tail him.
Remember, I want to be the first one to him.
After all these years, looks like we're finally going to find him.
( dramatic theme playing )
NARRATOR:
To a fugitive, only the past is real.
Each morning, it rises with the sun.
Each night, it returns with the darkness.
There is no present.
And, for Richard Kimble, the future is filled with uncertainty and fear.
( dramatic theme playing )
MAN:
Raise your hands.
I've got a gun on you.
Turn around. 
Slowly.
Those patrol cars. 
You with them?
I'm trying to get away from them.
Why?
I have my reasons.
You in trouble?
Yeah, what kind of trouble?
Robbery, assault, petty larceny?
Oh, petty larceny, huh?
You have nothing to worry about from me, so--
( groans )
What's the matter?
Stay where you are.
Keep your hands up.
If those police are looking for you,
I don't want them tracking you down here.
Keep moving.
It's you they're looking for.
That's my business.
( man groans )
My head--
( breathes heavily )
It's like a knife.
Like a hot knife.
Go on.
Get out of here.
You have something to keep you warm?
In the truck... by the garage... there's a blanket.
( breathes heavily )
MAN:
GA 4-3-3-2.
Yeah, green pickup.
Right. 
Yeah. 
Thanks.
It's a Colorado number.
Green pickup.
How do we know for sure it's Tucker?
That gas-station attendant--
The one in Pine Oaks.
We ran a copy of Tucker's picture out to him and he gave us a positive identification.
Said he's headed this way.
We would have seen him on the highway.
No, he wouldn't risk it by daylight.
He's probably holed up somewhere right near here, waiting for dark.
You know, it's strange.
We've hunted for this man for four years sometimes just missing him by a whisker.
Now all of a sudden, he turns around and walks right into our backyard.
Why?
Maybe he wants to give himself up.
I wish.
Maybe he wants to see his daughter.
Sarah?
Not a chance.
Four years, people change.
Maybe he's softening up.
Or getting harder.
Oh, you take a little hate.
You feed it for a long time with a lot of cold and fear and hunger and loneliness.
You end up with a half-crazed animal.
How long have you had the fever?
Five or six days.
Up in the mountains.
Haven't been this bad, though.
Spots on your arm?
Yesterday.
You're a sick man.
Think you can make it to the highway?
Those police cars...
What do you want?
A police hospital ward or do you want a coffin?
I can hold out till tonight.
After that, it doesn't matter, bed or coffin.
Why tonight?
Petty larceny, you said, huh?
You know why they're after me?
They said I embezzled $200,000 from my company.
In Boise.
We were in farm machinery.
There can be a lot of money in that.
Trial was a little over four years ago.
The other company officers testified against me in court.
So did my daughter, Sarah.
What's the matter?
( chuckles )
Oh, yeah, I forgot the funny part.
I wasn't guilty.
I didn't even know there were any funds missing.
Huh. 
You don't believe me.
Well, why should you be any different?
Nobody ever believed me yet.
You know what that's like?
To sit there in court and see people you've known all your life get up and call you a thief.
Then you escape.
And when they can't find you, heh, they try to lure you back with lies and promises.
Lies and promises.
Even a friend did that.
A man who had been welcome in my own house.
Here.
Drink this.
Be careful. 
It's hot.
Let it cool awhile.
You know what keeps you warm?
You know what keeps you going?
The fact that you know who did this thing to you.
And you think.
Someday, somehow,
I'm going to find him.
Don't let it get too cold.
Is that why you're going to Boise?
For Boise.
And for good old Charlie.
( sighs )
That's a lot better.
Funny, it comes and it goes.
You'll feel better for a while.
Maybe all day.
Then, it will come again, only harder.
Unless you do something about it.
Where are the keys to your truck?
In the glove compartment.
Why?
I'll go into town, get some medicine.
Help that fever.
Now, wait. 
I-- I can't pay you.
Just for the medicine, that's--
Don't worry about it.
I thought you said you--
They were after you too.
Not here.
I'll be all right here.
You do this for a man whose name you don't even know.
Why?
Maybe your name isn't important.
It's Tucker. 
Joe Tucker.
Keep the blanket around you, Joe Tucker.
( dramatic theme playing )
( car engine starts )
Just a second, friend.
Just step out and keep your hands raised.
What's the trouble?
Turn around.
What's your name?
Mitchell, Allan Mitchell.
License?
Where did you get the pickup?
I bought it in Colorado.
When did you drive into town?
This morning, just before dawn.
Were you alone?
Yes.
We know all about this pickup, Mitchell.
It was bought in Colorado three weeks ago.
The man who bought it was Joe Tucker.
Where is he?
I don't know any Joe Tucker.
How did you get his pickup?
See, a couple of days ago I--
I borrowed the truck from a fellow--
Okay. 
Shep, book him for car theft.
( dramatic theme playing )
( dramatic theme playing )
Through here for prints.
Give me your right hand.
Relax. 
Thumb first.
Index finger.
Mr. Mitchell,
Joe Tucker's a man we've been trying to find for the last four years.
He was convicted of embezzlement and he escaped.
Give me your left hand.
I could make things easy for you.
Real easy.
Just tell us where you got that pickup.
All right.
I don't know why this is any of your business, but I'm going to level with you.
We're not looking for Tucker the way you think.
We know the truth now.
Ten days ago, the man who was president of the company that Tucker worked for died of a heart attack.
But before he did, he made a deathbed confession.
The kind of a thing you read about but you never really get.
Well, it shook up everybody in this town.
Andy Fletcher was like a--
A saint to a lot of people here.
He was active in all the charity drives and that kind of thing.
Anyhow, he admitted to stealing the money himself.
That means that Tucker is practically a free man now.
What do you mean "practically"?
Well, of course, the old man's confession is all we really have to go on.
A lot of people think he made that just to get Joe off the hook.
Why would he do that?
Because Joe was a favorite--
I don't know what goes through a man's mind when he's dying.
The point is, that Tucker's testimony can substantiate that confession.
Now, that's why we've got to find him and let him know.
That man's been hurt long enough.
That's why you've got to help me.
Where's Joe Tucker?
I-
- I don't know anybody named Joe Tucker.
Take him back and lock him in a cell.
Lieutenant Wyckoff?
What's this about my father?
We think he's in the area.
Where?
I don't know. 
We think that man stole your father's pickup truck and somewhere near here.
What does he say?
That's the trouble.
He doesn't say anything.
Denies ever seeing your father.
I'd like to talk with him.
Well, it can't do any harm.
Shep, better send those prints on.
Let's see if maybe he makes a habit of taking other people's cars.
( yells indistinctly )
( sighs )
Mitchell, this is Joe Tucker's daughter.
I'd like to talk with you.
I've already told everything I know.
Mr. Wyckoff doesn't think so.
Neither do I.
A man has been hunted for four years.
Unjustly.
Can't you understand that?
I don't know what to say to convince you.
A man has his freedom back.
Why won't you let him have it?
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's just that I-
- I--
I hoped so much that--
Sarah.
Do you think we're pulling some kind of a trick?
Do you think she is?
Come on.
I--
I always took my father for granted, Mr. Mitchell.
Not as a father, but as someone who--
Who gave me a big house, cars and money.
Everything I ever wanted.
When they said he was a thief--
Oh, I was angry and humiliated.
And, oh--
Oh, I hated him.
Don't you see that I had to--?
To get back what I thought was my self-respect.
Now all I want to do... is to see-
- See him.
See him and, oh, beg his forgiveness.
Come on.
All right.
I know where he is.
I used the truck to come in for some medical supplies.
He's sick.
Well, why didn't you say so before?
I thought it might be a trick.
He said it's been tried.
It has by me.
Where is he?
You said he was sick. 
How badly?
He has mountain fever.
It's very similar to typhus.
He needs a hospital.
Where is he?
I'll take you to him.
Just you.
Well, I'll put out a call.
It will be faster to send a patrol car.
He's got a gun.
I don't think he's heard about the confession.
In his state of mind he'd shoot at the sight of a policeman.
Well, then why did he come back here to Boise?
Somebody named Charlie.
Charlie--
Charlie Fletcher.
The old man's son.
He testified against Joe at the trial.
He wasn't the only one.
I'll take you in the truck.
Just you alone.
Nobody following.
You got something to fear from us, Mitchell?
Please, lieutenant
KIMBLE:
That's the way I want it.
How do I know you're not pulling something?
That's the way it has to be.
I'm not afraid to risk it.
Okay.
I'll fix it.
Burt, let him out.
Just sign here.
I notified the patrol cars not to stop you.
Have an ambulance waiting.
Okay, I'll put in the call.
( phone rings )
Police headquarters.
Yeah-
- Yeah, hold on a second.
Okay, go ahead.
Yeah.
Yeah. 
K-I--
Is that B-L-E or B-A-L-L?
( dramatic theme playing )
Right. 
Thanks.
Lieutenant, that check you wanted on Mitchell.
Dave! 
Shep!
Where's Mitchell?
Get on the radio.
I want roadblocks on every road out of town.
Move!
Green pickup truck.
Colorado plates, GA 4-3-3-2.
Lieutenant, what's happening?
Mitchell's real name is Richard Kimble.
He's wanted for murder.
( dramatic theme playing )
What's the matter?
You crazy or something?
( ominous theme playing )
How are you feeling?
I'm all right.
I want you to take a couple of these pills.
I haven't got much time.
Here.
Why? 
What happened?
What's the rush?
Go on. 
Take the pills.
I want you to listen to me, Joe.
I want you to believe what I'm going to say.
I talked to your daughter.
Sarah?
Yes.
How?
The police spotted the truck.
They picked me up.
She came in to talk to me.
Along with a lieutenant by the name of Wyckoff.
They told me you're a free man, Joe.
They've been trying to find you to tell you.
The president of your company--
Ten days ago, uh, Fletcher--
Ten days ago he had a heart attack.
I know. 
He's dead.
Before he died he left a confession.
He stole the money.
( laughs )
What else did they tell you?
I got elected governor?
I won the sweepstakes?
They weren't lying to me, Joe.
They had to be.
Andy Fletcher was the best--
He never would have taken that money. 
Never.
He left a confession, Joe.
Did you hear it?
Did you see a confession?
Well, no, I didn't-- They're using you to get at me.
Andy Fletcher was the best friend I ever had.
He gave me a job when nobody was doing any hiring.
He put me through school so I could learn the business.
Made me a vice president over a couple of guys with longer service.
Tell me about Andy Fletcher.
Then what do you want with his son?
Charlie? 
How do you know?
Oh, yeah. 
Yeah.
Well, Charlie was a vice president too.
It was the only mistake Andy Fletcher ever made.
You know the type.
Good-looking, golf on Saturday, tennis every Sunday.
Very big on status, Charlie.
So you think he's the one--
Right after the trial he left town.
Him and his wife.
That's one of the things that started me thinking about him.
That, and the fact that he went out of his way to pin that whole thing on me.
Sat there under oath telling one lie after another.
And in Denver last week,
I was in a public library.
I found a Boise newspaper.
I try to find one every couple of months just to keep track of things.
And there it was.
Just a paragraph in a social column about Mr. and Mrs. Charles Fletcher returning on the 3rd from an extended stay in Europe, to attend funeral services for his father.
That means they arrived today.
I'm going to pay him a visit tonight.
What if he won't admit it?
Oh, he won't.
He's got too much to lose.
Then why the gun?
Why do they make guns?
Joe, I believe them.
I believe you're a free man.
You tell them where I was?
No.
Then how come they let you go?
They didn't let me go.
I got away.
Oh, just like that, huh?
They're looking for me now.
They let you go.
It was a cheap trick.
Joe.
Look, get out of here.
Go on, get out of here.
I'll leave when it gets dark.
All right, but in the meantime just keep your nose out of my business, okay?
Here.
Thanks.
You'll get it back before you leave.
That's all that matters.
What do you mean?
Collecting what's yours.
( phone rings )
Wyckoff.
Yeah. 
Yeah? 
When?
All right.
We'll get right on it.
No, no. 
We're not too far away.
Yeah. 
Yeah, all right.
That was Blattner at Number 3 Roadblock.
A truck driver reported seeing the pickup a mile or so back.
We'll radio the state police.
Tell them to get some cars over there.
Right.
Oh, Pete, you stay here.
Everybody else get on the move.
We want to cover the whole area between here and the roadblock in case he tries to double back.
Ben.
Yeah.
Do you think there will be any shooting?
I don't know, Sarah.
You just go on home.
I'll let you know if anything pops.
But if he's with my father, I think I--
Sarah, will you just go on home and let me do my job?
Don't you think I have a lot of things to square with Joe?
I'm the one who sweet-talked him into turning himself in using our friendship as bait.
I'm the one that arrested him.
Told him all his friends had turned their back on him.
I even added a few choice remarks of my own.
Boy, you get self-righteous behind one of these things.
Just go on home now.
You're only going to be in the way.
Sarah, don't worry.
We'll be careful.
Let's find a phone, Joe.
Call your daughter.
She'll tell you you're a free man.
She'll take you to a hospital.
Maybe a prison hospital, hm?
Joe.
She's telling the truth, Joe.
Did she cry for you?
She cried on that witness stand too.
Jury bought every word of it.
( gun clicks )
You want to hate, don't you?
You don't want to be a free man.
You just want to hate.
Now, just keep on hating, and you kill Charlie Fletcher.
If you think these last four years have been tough wait till they come after you for a murder charge.
You're right about one thing.
It's not easy to let go of hate.
You daughter told the truth, Joe.
Are you sure you didn't make a deal with them?
In your condition,
I could have taken that gun away from you a long time ago.
It's hard.
It's hard, just like that to believe anybody anymore.
You grow up in a small town.
You know everybody.
Eventually you find out where you fit in.
You make a good living, raise a family.
You're accepted.
You're comfortable.
Somehow you never think it will change.
I felt that way then.
I guess I feel that way now.
I feel so tired all of a sudden.
Just give me a minute, will you?
( dramatic theme playing )
Is this the spot?
Yes, sir. 
It is. 
He turned in front of me here and he went down this road.
Thank you very much.
Right.
All right, the pickup went down this road.
Take your cars in there and check every building, every road you can find.
Let's go.
( dramatic theme playing )
What will it be, Joe?
Let's go home.
( dramatic theme playing )
Oh, the medicine.
( dramatic theme playing )
Spread out!
OFFICER:
Hold it!
( dramatic theme playing )
Hold your fire!
It's Kimble in the jacket.
I'm not sure.
How much did they pay you?
Go on, get in.
Stop that truck.
( gunshots )
Get back to the car radio.
Notify the roadblocks.
So they just happened by, is that right?
I told you. 
They were after me, Joe, not you.
Just keep driving.
I'm going to get out, Joe. 
You do what you want.
No, you're wrong about that.
I couldn't hold on to that wheel.
You'll have to drive.
I'll leave you at the first hospital I can find.
You're wrong again.
You're driving me to Charlie Fletcher's house.
( dramatic theme playing )
( ominous theme playing )
Take the next right.
Will you listen to me, Joe?
( chuckles )
The last time I listened to you, I nearly got killed.
I told you before.
They're after me.
Oh.
Whole woods full of armed cops for petty larceny?
Sure. 
Sure.
It isn't petty larceny.
They think I killed somebody.
Oh, yeah.
That's why I know what you're heading for.
Running from a murder charge is something you know nothing about.
Every policeman in the country wants to be the one that brings you in.
Joe, it's like--
Joe?
( dramatic theme playing )
Get me the police department.
Lieutenant Wyckoff, please.
Lieutenant. 
This is a friend of Joe Tucker.
All right, what difference does it make?
You'll find him in back of a gas station on the corner of Willow and Indiana.
Bring an ambulance.
He's in pretty bad shape.
That's good.
Completely.
All right. 
I'll try to sell him, but you get that ambulance here.
( dramatic theme playing )
( sirens blaring )
Check the whole area.
You the owner of this place?
That's right.
Did you see two men out back tonight in a green pickup?
Haven't seen a thing.
You been here all night?
Right.
All right, thank you.
Well, there's no sign of either one of 'em.
Where could they have gone?
Well, I don't know about Kimble, but I've got a pretty good hunch about your father.
Where?
Remember Kimble told us your father came in to town to see Charlie Fletcher.
Charlie.
Yeah. 
You come with me.
The Fletcher house! 
Orange Terrace road.
Let's go.
( sirens blaring )
( bangs on door )
WOMAN:
Yes? 
Who is it?
I'm sorry to have kept you--
Joseph.
Oh, Joseph, at last.
Where is he?
What have you got that--?
Get inside, Carolyn.
And don't try to warn him.
( door closes )
Joseph, what are you going to do?
Where's your husband?
Joseph-
- Joseph, don't you know?
Haven't they told you?
Where is he?
Andrew confessed. 
He did it.
You're an innocent man, Joseph.
Joseph, don't!
Don't! 
Listen to me!
Joe, they told me that you--
Did they tell you the trap didn't work, Charlie?
Trap?
Well, well, looks like you've been living very well, Charlie.
And it only cost four years of my life.
I'm sorry, Joe.
But I've done everything I could to make it up to you.
He has.
Like what?
This afternoon I gave Wyckoff all the records documenting the thefts.
The forgeries, the adjustments, everything.
You're lying.
It's the truth.
I swear it, Joe.
Why would you do a thing like that for me?
He's dead now.
And he confessed. 
It's all over.
You too, huh? 
His own son.
Spitting on his memory in order to put me back behind a cell, huh?
What do you mean?
I mean you took that money, not me, not Andy Fletcher, not anybody.
You took it!
No!
I'm going to kill you, Charlie.
( gasps )
Joe, now I lied in court.
But I didn't take the money.
Call Wyckoff.
He'll tell you everything.
This afternoon--
Shut up!
KIMBLE:
Joe.
Stay where you are.
I just talked to Wyckoff.
He gave him all the evidence he needs to clear you completely.
You, Sarah, Wyckoff.
The Let's Get Joe Tucker Club, huh?
I don't belong to any club.
Wyckoff wants me more than he wants you.
Yeah, sure, the famous killer.
They shot at you because you had on my jacket.
He's telling the truth, Joe.
This came about an hour ago.
Look.
It's a lie.
The whole thing has to be a lie.
Andy Fletcher didn't take that money. 
He wouldn't.
You took that money.
My father took the money, Joe.
For 20 years he'd been taking it.
And for 20 years you were the one that he kept around to blame.
You see, he figured that they'd find out someday, and he needed--
What do they call it?
--A fall guy.
That was you, Joe.
You were the man who lied.
Under oath you said I was--
CHARLIE:
He made me do it, Joe.
I'm not proud of what I did.
Tell him what you're doing.
What you're doing right now.
I'm signing everything over to Carolyn.
I'm getting my affairs in order.
I don't get it.
Because Wyckoff told him he'll have to stand trial for perjury.
( peaceful theme playing )
( dramatic theme playing )
The back.
( doorbell rings )
He's here, lieutenant.
Oh, Dad.
Did he come here alone?
Except for a ghost or two.
Joe.
Welcome home.
( dramatic theme playing )
( peaceful theme playing )
Now, don't tell me that.
In a week or two you'll be climbing the walls to get back to work.
Oh, that story will be in all the papers.
Nobody's going to trust somebody who goes around trying to kill people.
LIEUTENANT:
I think a lot of folks might.
I'm sorry to barge in on you, Joe.
But your door was open.
How are you feeling?
Fine, Ben.
Well, not fine, but I think the fever's broken.
Right now I'd like to sleep for a couple of months.
Well, like I said, folks aren't going to let you.
You know how it is-- An old friend comes to town you want to make him feel welcome.
Excuse me, lieutenant.
Carlson just called in from roadblock two.
Picked up a couple of drunks but no sign of Kimble.
Call them all in.
Kimble might still be in the area.
I said call them all in.
Right.
You, uh, you spent a lot of time with this fellow, Kimble.
Guess he's a real tough customer.
Oh, you know how it is with an escaped criminal, Ben.
( dramatic theme playing )
NARRATOR:
For some an end finally comes to the running.
But for Richard Kimble the end has come only to one more day.
And the running must go on.
( dramatic theme playing )
( dramatic theme playing )

- We're closed.
- There's a short subject I'd like to see.
- A cartoon?
- No, the documentary.
Fourth row, end seat, on the right side.
Good evening, Mr Briggs.
This is Anton Cardinal Vossek, who, despite being 80 years of age and physically infirm, is nonetheless the acknowledged leader of his country's freedom movement.
The government, towards whose overthrow Cardinal Vossek is working has arrested him, preparatory to a trial before a people's court which is certain to convict him.
He's being held for interrogation on the top floor of this building, Seravno Prison, which is located immediately adjacent to the city's main park.
Seravno Prison is considered the most impregnable in Eastern Europe.
No escape has ever been made from it.
Mr Briggs, your mission, should you decide to accept it, would be to rescue Cardinal Vossek.
As always, should you or any of your IM Force be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions.
In any event, please dispose of this tape recording as directed.
Hello, Crystal.
Dan!
No. 
No, no, absolutely not. 
No!
Crystal.
It's not fair.
Don't even discuss it. 
I won't do it.
I haven't asked you to do anything yet.
But you're going to.
I know it, and I know you.
Look, it's been two years since I saw you last, and that was on business, and so was the time before that.
So, whatever it is, I won't do it!
- Now...
- Look, look.
Look, I have just signed the biggest contract of my career.
Centre Garden.
Top billing, my own package, complete creative control and I'm not gonna give it up!
- Crystal, I...
- I don't want to hear it.
I'm sure it's important.
I'm sure it's very important.
- Desperately urgent. 
Stop!
- Crystal, listen...
Go away. 
I'm not interested in anything you have to say. 
It's just not fair!
Have you ever heard of Cardinal Vossek?
No!
Yes.
Then you know what that one old man means in that part of the world
- for his work...
- Please!
- I need you, Crystal.
- I don't care. 
I won't do it.
And nothing you can say is going to help.
I won't do it, and that's final.
You finished now?
You...
Aren't you ever gonna call me for personal reasons?
Concentrate, Signor Alberti.
This gentleman thinks this object will give you a bit of trouble.
The object may give him some trouble.
It's a watch, and it is running five minutes slow.
Seven, Dan. 
A bit of trouble is seven.
Well, we'll keep practicing.
Your turn, Rollin.
I'm finished.
Barney, your wallet.
Dan, yours.
Willy, your keys.
Cinnamon, your brooch.
And, Barney, your wallet.
Love your suit, Cinnamon.
Thank you.
I was admiring your dress.
Rollin, how will you handle the locks?
With this.
That's metal. 
You won't be able to take that into prison.
I know.
So it won't be me who takes it in.
Once you get out of the cell, can you get to Vossek?
Well, if everything goes like clockwork, and the guards stick to their schedules, yeah.
They will. 
That's your edge.
No one's ever broken out of Seravno.
Prison staff has got to be bored and indifferent with years of prison duty with no trouble.
Yeah, but I still have to know what time it is to the split second.
- They won't let you keep your watch.
- Are there any clocks in the prison?
No, but we'll provide a timepiece just as good.
Barney?
Well, I need a crossbow, a rigger truck and Willy.
Crystal, can you teach Rollin the wire routine in time?
He'll be up on the part.
Well?
Can't I start at the bottom and work my way up?
Go on up. 
I'll be there in a minute.
That's not theatrical enough, Willy.
Give it more strain.
It doesn't look heavy.
- You want more weight?
- No, I don't.
You've got to make it look difficult.
Well, I'm in the habit of making things look easier.
Look, Willy, bare your teeth.
Breathe harder.
Try to make it look like you can't make it.
- Would you, like to show me how?
- Go on.
Good.
Cardinal Vossek's been ordered executed.
- When?
- No date's been set.
They'll try to break him first.
Will they?
No.
- We have a problem.
- What?
I've timed it six times.
It takes 20 minutes to strike and load Crystal's safety net.
No way to cut the time?
No.
Crystal!
Yes, Dan.
Better spend more time rehearsing your trapeze act.
Why? 
I've done it eight a week for two years.
Not without a net.
I'm terribly sorry.
Please forgive me. 
I'm terribly sorry.
- That's quite all right.
- Very clumsy.
Excuse me.
I have been robbed!
I had it right here in this pocket!
I've been robbed!
The man robbed me!
He took all my money.
- That's him. 
That's him.
- You are under arrest.
Yeah, that's it.
It's all here. 
It's all here. 
Thank you.
Hand him over to them at the prison.
And now, presenting Rotrai, the man of steel.
Watch. 
Pipe.
- Tobacco, a handkerchief, keys.
- Can't I post bond or something?
You see, I'm a rigger with the troupe performing at the park.
- I'll lose my job.
- Quiet. 
Is that everything?
- That's it.
- Now the belt and shoelaces!
And now, for your pleasure and amazement, that wizard of the human mind, the great Alberti.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
I would like a volunteer from the audience to help blindfold Signor Alberti.
If you please.
This way.
Go there.
What's that?
You have something metal on you.
Strip!
I'm sorry.
Excuse me. 
Excuse me, please.
Signor Alberti, can you hear me?
I hear.
Can you picture what I have in my hand?
Please, concentrate.
Can you picture what I have in my mind?
I see a field, many years ago.
Soldiers, a daring exploit.
You are holding a medal.
Here it is. 
A pipe cleaner and a light.
I'm sorry.
Pick up the shoes. 
And the shirt!
If you let me have my pipe and tobacco, I'll make it worth your while.
This is not a resort.
Take him to his cell.
What is that thing?
Eyelash curler.
That's the most diabolical-looking piece of equipment I've ever seen.
Are you speaking professionally as an engineer?
No, I'm just a big eyelash man.
Prison guard, evening shift, just went on duty.
Go with luck.
I think I know why Dan cast you as a clown.
It's the real you.
What I want to know is what comedian thought of this makeup?
What are you doing here?
I'm with the troupe.
What do you do?
I read minds.
Come on. 
I don't believe in that.
No, it's some kind of a trick.
- Nobody can read minds.
- No?
Want me to tell you what you are thinking right now?
Sure doesn't take a mind reader.
No, it doesn't.
But don't you wish you could read my mind?
Who knows?
Maybe I can.
Who knows?
Maybe you can, huh?
Presenting the daring Pavlova of the high trapeze,
Mademoiselle Crystal, who will perform feats of daring and acrobatic skill
50 feet above solid ground with no safety net.
Who are you?
A friend, Your Eminence.
How do I know?
I understand, sir.
Tell me nothing.
But come with me, and I'll prove to you I can get you out of this place.
But why should I believe you?
Faith, sir.
How can a prince of the church argue with that?
Cardinal Vossek, he is not at home.
However, he is expected shortly.
Thank you, Your Eminence.
Now fix your bedcovers to make them look like a man asleep.
Very good, Your Eminence.
Thank you. 
But while in my underwear,
I think I would prefer Anton.
Old age.
It'll work.
How? 
How do we get down?
How do we cross that fence, pass the sentry?
To say nothing of getting out of the country.
You'll see. 
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
I'm sorry, but I can't take you out now.
The guard watches, the bed checks and exactly how long it would take to get up here had to be timed.
- Timed to the split second.
- I see.
But timed with what?
Hear that? 
That calliope?
That music is my watch.
Come on. 
Let's go.
And now, Signor Alberti, will you try this?
Although it will be most difficult, try.
I am thinking of something.
Thinking very hard.
It is a gold ring with a blue stone.
The inscription inside reads,
"With love, Myra,"
who is not far away.
Is the signor correct?
Vossek.
Vossek! 
Open it.
What is it?
Nothing.
Go back to sleep.
Signor Alberti.
Yes.
I checked with the local artist representative.
He doesn't know your troupe.
You're not listed in his files, his playbills or his publicity.
Anywhere.
No, we're much too small a troupe for that, and the guild dues are very high, terrible.
Then you've never performed here before?
No, but I'm glad we came.
We're doing very good business.
Where do you come from?
Where does any circus troupe come from?
Wherever it was yesterday.
I come from Sesna, if that is what you mean.
My partner comes from Anterine.
And the man who was arrested?
The thief?
I pick up casuals to do my rigging for me all the time.
They never last too long.
And some, like this one, are thieves.
Some chase the women.
Almost all of them drink.
You don't find too many altar boys to work the carnival business.
But I'll find another man.
You are going to leave this man behind?
If I have to.
I'll try to help him.
He was a very good rigger, and was not too bad a sort.
I hope you don't think too bad of all carnival people.
I myself come from a very old family.
My mother was...
I'm sure.
How long do you expect to stay in Seravno?
We'll be leaving very soon.
More and more of the audience are repeats.
They don't throw anything into the hat a second time.
Wouldn't your business be better if you were closer to the centre of the park?
No, no, no. 
It's too open and too windy out there.
My trapeze artist works without a net.
One sudden gust and...
Let's go.
- Where to?
- Out.
Signorina. 
Hello? 
Can you hear me?
Yes.
I came to tell you we are contacting a lawyer this afternoon.
Thank you.
See if you can post bond and get me out of here.
We are trying.
You try to be patient.
I don't have very much choice.
Are they treating you all right?
Well enough. 
I have not been beaten.
And the food. 
How is the food?
Terrible.
But I don't seem very hungry.
I also have a bit of trouble sleeping.
- Anything else?
- No. 
Just conversation for effect.
"Signorina, lawyer, choice, beaten, not hungry."
Vossek is weak but willing.
He has the patrols timed and no trouble with the locks.
What time will he be ready for me?
- He had a bit of trouble sleeping.
- Sleeping is 30, Dan, remember?
A bit of trouble is 7:00, 7:30.
- Post bond.
- This evening.
Come in.
Yes, sir?
Captain, I want you to intensify Vossek's interrogation.
Cardinal Vossek is an old man.
He is very weak. 
He might easily die.
That doesn't really matter.
I received orders to execute him in 48 hours.
- Hey, mind reader, what's your hurry?
- Hello.
Would you like a drink? 
Two, please.
Give me a drink.
One more, please.
Well, darling, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?
No, he's not your type, angel.
You mean he likes washed-out blondes?
Do... 
Do you live around here?
I... 
I work over there.
That makes us almost neighbours.
Yeah.
Go take a bath, gypsy.
Come, come with me.
Show me how strong you are, yes?
Hang on to your billfold, neighbour.
Go away and stay away! 
Come on.
I make that a very good round.
If I have to fight, I'd rather it was over you.
Hey, you've got a temper, mind reader.
I loathe acrobats.
Come on, big boy. 
Ring the bell, huh?
Are we fixed for cash?
I won't have time to pass the hat.

NARRATOR".
Thus far, we have seen King Tut and his tank full of lovelies.
While his Tutling heists some amber beads.
But why?
A vitamin pill and a call for help.
Even Batman is stumped.
His one lead a lead pestle?
An unholy operation to release sacred scarabs from their ancient tombs.
Shock treatments to resurrect them.
Shocking.
The pestle leads to an apothecary shop but Tut escapes with his scarabs.
All but one, that is.
A breeding farm for the plague?
No, even worse.
Abu raubu simbu tu, a deadly potion to paralyze the will.
A clever ploy of Batman's.
Robin in the sphinx.
And the Boy Wonder gives it away.
A precarious perch for the Boy Wonder.
And Batman to the rescue.
But does Tut have the last word?
Don't go away.
The most horrendous is yet to happen.
Farewell, my moldy sparrow.
In the name of Anubis great jackal-headed patron of the super-criminal I commend you to your fate.
Ha, ha, ha.
Come, my loyal lieges, let's away.
I love my crocodiles madly, but I dislike the sound of their chewing. 
Heh, heh, heh.
And I'm sure the commissioner awaits his pill.
Don't forget to feed the scarabs.
- Hang on, Robin.
-Batman.
Hang on, old churn.
I'll try something else.
Don't lose heart, Robin. 
Here I come.
It was my fault, Batman.
Dropping the Bat-radio in the sphinx.
I'll be more careful next time.
Experience teaches slowly, Robin.
And at the cost of many mistakes.
You know how wives are, Chief O'Hara.
It's our anniversary, and I promised I'd take her to lunch but leaving this office under the circumstances...
Think no more about it, commissioner.
I'll be proud to take over for an hour or so.
I consider it an honor that you've asked me.
I hoped you'd say that.
Miss Patrick, Chief O'Hara is in charge of this office until I return.
Please, follow routine procedure.
- Have a good time.
- I will, now.
- Your pill, Chief O'Hara.
-I never take pills.
-It's routine procedure.
-Hm?
BATMAN". 
Commissioner, thank heavens I've reached you in time.
Oh, the commissioner has just stepped out, Batman.
This is Chief O'Hara.
I'm in charge here for the time being.
Well, thank heavens I reached you, Chief O'Hara.
There's treachery in that office.
The commissioner's summer secretary, the one who's replacing Bonnie is King Tut's current queen of the Nile.
- Begorra.
-We'll be there within a half hour.
But don't be persuaded to take one of the commissioner's vitamin capsules.
Oh, don't you worry, Caped Crusader, I wouldn't even think of--
I already took one.
Are me eyes playing me tricks?
King Tut, here in this office.
How did you get here?
Didn't anybody see you?
Yes, they saw me.
But I spoke to that charming and cooperative secretary of yours and told her we wish to be alone for a little private chat.
Unmitigated gall.
On your knees, helot.
You got the wrong helot.
On your knees anyway!
The devil you say, Tut.
You'll not bend my will to yours.
Batman, look.
What's he doing out there?
I suspect the worst, Robin.
Chief O'Hara, take it easy.
Hi. 
Hello, down there, me buckos.
He's doing a dance out there on that itty-bitty ledge. 
Ha, ha!
Yeah, I know.
My every whim is his command.
- Oh, Tut-tut, give another whim. 
This is boss.
-Heh, heh, heh.
I'm spoiling you rotten.
I never could resist a pretty queen.
- Chief O'Hara.
-Huh?
Sorry to disturb you. 
A little acrobatics.
Use the pole.
Oh, that's very good.
Don't fall. 
Heh, heh, heh.
Holy high wire.
It's Batman and Robin. 
Eeh!
He should be giving my crocodiles indigestion by this time.
How do you suppose he got out of that locked tank room?
Chief O'Hara ought to know better.
It's unwise to condemn what we don't understand.
He can't help himself now.
But let's try to talk to him.
Let's away again, my pet.
- We have enough sport for one morning.
-Without even seeing him?
Batman, that is.
Cleo, just what does Batman mean to you?
Oh, I guess it's all that restoratory power in his body.
Or... 
Or whatever he said.
Restoratory power in his body. 
Mm-hm.
I'll give you restoratory power. 
Get in there!
Her wheelbarrow
Through the streets Wide and narrow
Chief O'Hara, come in now.
Come on in, chief. 
Easy, now.
Chief O'Hara, it's time to come in now.
- It is?
-Come along.
Easy, now.
That's it. 
Take it easy.
MY pets.
My babies.
My beautiful emerald black cherubims.
They all must die.
Yes, Your Kingship.
But remember, it's for an evil cause.
And also remember that they will yield at least 95,000 gallons of abu raubu simbu tu.
Zowee! 
That's enough bug juice to clop everybody in Gotham City or my name ain't Amenophis Tewfik.
If you say that again, I'm gonna slap you.
But you're right.
After scarabating the city water supply I'll make loyal subjects of them all.
- You weren't born yesterday either, Tut-tut.
-Heh, heh.
I just hope we can get the stuff brewed before Batman finds us.
Batman, that big ninny.
I'll have him eating out of my hand.
And that'll have him drinking out of it.
And I'll use Chief O'Hara as the catalytic agent.
Well, we'll have to use Commissioner Gordon.
He's back.
- Chief O'Hara's left.
-That's even better.
The time has come to execute my royal master plan.
Royal lapidary, prepare the transfer of the sphinx while I pay the commissioner a brief call.
Ha, ha, ha.
I say the first order of business is to have Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara removed from office.
I mean, we can't have police officials who are helpless pawns of a master criminal.
Here we are, sir. 
Six glasses of buttermilk.
Oh, thank you, Alfred.
You can discount Chief O'Hara.
Robin, I suspect he's the victim of happenstance.
That still leaves Commissioner Gordon.
Unfounded suspicions are often dangerous, old man.
Maybe, but we'd better do something.
Agreed. 
If we're to thwart Tut's evil scheme I suspect the answer is to be found in these dusty pages.
If there is an answer.
For every venom, there's an antidote, Robin.
I've already discovered that the Nile Oasis Scarab became extinct 40 centuries ago.
Yes, commissioner.
I'm very sorry to disturb you, but this is very important.
Now, listen very carefully.
This is what you have to do.
Very well, commissioner.
We'll be there right away.
The sphinx has reappeared.
He's in Jefferson Square Park and it's making predictions just as I predicted.
Loyal subjects, I have returned.
And now for my latest prediction.
Your all-powerful, all-conquering, all-good, friendly pharaoh will reduce water rates give you more drinking fountains, and will positively stamp out Bat brutality.
This is a promise. 
This is a plague.
This is a recording.
Oh, the Batman, and Robin the Boy Wonder.
You heard?
New slogan, same old Tut.
But he's right about one thing.
Our fair city could use more drinking fountains.
I'm parched, aren't you?
Oh. 
A quaint, old-fashioned refreshments cart. 
Ha, ha, ha.
May I treat you to a lemonade?
Thank you, commissioner.
That sounds refreshing.
- Boy Wonder?
-No, thank you.
Very well, son.
Two, if you please.
I hope you know what you're doing, Batman.
He seems quite his old self.
Fine.
Thank you.
Ah. 
Thank you, commissioner.
To your health.
Never been better. 
I'm top-hole and as eager as ever to fight the forces of evil.
To that too.
I'll get that.
And may the first super-criminal to feel our righteous wrath be King Tut.
I'll sign that one on the dotted line.
It's for you, Batman.
Excuse me, commissioner.
Surely, surely, surely.
It's King Tut, Batman.
And he insists on talking to you right now.
He does, does he?
Well, I've got a message for him.
Tut, this is Batman.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes, Your Majesty.
Of course, my good and friendly pharaoh.
Your every wish is my command.
I hear and obey.
What is it, Batman?
What's the matter?
Batman, what's wrong?
I can't tell what it is, but I think something's happened to Batman.
He may have fallen under the spell of King Tut.
Can't you do something?
Batman. 
Commissioner Gordon.
Batman, we bring you greetings from His Kingship Tut.
I hear and I obey.
Batman.
Never mind, Robin. 
Never mind.
Making progress, royal apothecary?
Tanks are almost full, Your Kingship.
Good.
As soon as my visitor arrives and pays me homage we'll conclude my royal master plan.
-Ha, ha, ha.
Hail, mighty Tut.
Take heed, loyal subject and note well that what was prophesied has come to pass.
Mine enemy kneels at mine feet.
Here's another one, boss.
On your knees, Bat-brat.
Never! 
Get up, Batman.
You see, ex-Boy Wonder?
He now responds only to my command.
Tut, you are the greatest.
I had planned a command performance to prove that this cringing crusader is no longer cock of the walk but merely a court jester, a buffoon.
But I see by the royal apothecary that the tanks are filled.
I must be off about my affairs.
- Tut-tut.
-Yeah?
Can I command a performance of my own while you're gone?
I want a jester of my own.
And you shall have one, my queen.
After I have scarabated the water supply you can have your choice of anyone in Gotham City.
Anyone who's left, that is.
But these two are going to be fed to my crocodiles right now.
No, no! 
Not Batman!
Another outburst like that, Cleo and my crocodiles are going to have a three-course meal. 
Hm?
He's filled his purpose.
And anyway, my slithering lovelies missed their lunch.
Tonight, they shall have a truly succulent feast. 
Ha, ha, ha.
Take them away.
I'm off to the waterworks.
Your Kingship, Batman's come out of his spell.
Correction, I never was under your spell, Tut.
Oh, I drank your cursed lemonade but I took the precaution of coating my stomach with buttermilk.
Gosh, Batman.
A pure and simple stratagem to divine the super-evil crime you planned not only against your fellow man but against Mother Nature herself.
Buttermilk. 
Ugh.
A plague on you, Batman.
- Tutlings, sic them.
-Ah!
Unh! 
Unh! 
Not now!
Open that hose valve.
Keep your hands off my abu raubu simbu tu!
No. 
Not my life's work.
My life's blood and that of my lovely scarabs.
All for naught. 
For naught.
You. 
You!
You're the one.
You're--
You're the nicest man I've ever met, Batman, and this humble servant kneels at your feet.
His formula, it's working on him.
Poor deluded man.
He's walking a tightrope, Robin.
Abu raubu simbu tu plays no favorites.
Gotham City has narrowly averted a catastrophe of major proportions.
Too bad that such a distinguished professor in his twin trauma should become his own Cavia porcellus.
Ca via parcel/us?
Guinea pig.
I'm appalled, Batman, truly appalled to think that I could have betrayed my high office.
And to have slipped you a polluted lemonade.
Don't give it another thought, commissioner.
That will be all, young gentlemen.
Complete your assignments and hand them in tomorrow.
Not again.
I'm off to a faculty meeting.
Oh, you're off, all right, but not to a faculty meeting.
Your phony Egyptian friends await our royal presence at the local tombs.
Well-
- Ah!
I'm a professor at Yale.
You can't do--
The PTA shall hear of this.
- Where am I?
-Are you going to try him in court?
I haven't decided yet.
With your approval, I'd like to think it over.
No choice is easy in a case like this.
I agree completely, commissioner.
The law of this city is in your hands.
We just try to help a bit here and there, wherever we can.
So brave, so dependable and so modest.
Rare in men these days.
Very rare.

TOEI COMPANY LTD.
OGATA CASTLE, OMI PROVINCE
My lord...
Is anyone around?
What is going on?
We have a crisis!
We are under attack by traitors!
What? 
Traitors?
They have banded with ninja to overtake the Ogata clan.
Who is behind it?
The leader is...
Me, Yuuki Daijo!
Ogata Samanosuke, you shall die by my hands!
Save Ikazuchimaru!
Kuya!
Kuya...
My lord!
How did it go?
I have killed everyone who has stood in our way.
This castle has fallen.
Ikazuchimaru...
Kill Ogata's son to avoid future problems.
Don't show any mercy to the young child.
I won't.
Ikazuchimaru is missing!
He has escaped!
I won't let him get away.
That despicable Yuuki Daijo!
I shall protect Ikazuchimaru... and return to get my revenge for the lord.
The burning castle looks pretty.
Young lord!
What is that?
BATTLE OF THE DRAGONS Kairyu Daikessen
Screenplay: 
IKAMI Masaru Planning:
OKADA Shigeru 
- SHINKAI Takesuke
Music: 
TSUSHIMA Toshiaki Photography: 
WASHIO Motoya
Assistant Director: 
MAKIGUCHI Yuji
CAST:
MATSUKATA Hiroki
OGAWA Tomoko SUZUKI Yumi
HAYASHI Shinichiro KANEKO Nobuo AMATSU Bin
OTOMO Ryutaro
Directed by: 
YAMAUCHI Tetsuya
GAMAGATAKE, HIDA PROVINCE
Ikazuchimaru, it's my defeat.
Pardon me.
I have raised you for 14 years.
There is nothing more I can teach you.
I owe it all to you.
Would you like to decend the mountains?
I do not want to leave your side.
You are kind.
If he is a shadow of the night... then you are the light of the day.
Who are you talking about?
My former pupil.
Do I have a senior?
Where is he now?
The villagers might come up to pick herbs tomorrow.
Just be prepared.
Very well.
He has been persistently watching me for the past few days, but that should take care of him.
Are you thieves?
I have nothing valuable on me!
You have one thing!
What is that?
Your one and only life Ikazuchimaru!
I'm shocked that you know my name!
Which means, you won't let me off easily!
You will die here!
Aren't you going to give up?
How pesky!
Take this! 
One more time!
He wasn't much.
Why did you come after my life?
Tell me!
So he bit his tongue.
You are a woman.
I'm no one suspicious.
I saw what happened when
I was passing by so I got scared and ran away.
Sorry about that.
But, what are you doing in this desolate place?
I'm looking for my long-lost father.
I heard he used to live here in Gamagatake before.
So I thought I might be able to find a lead here.
You are here to see your father?
Yes.
What is his name?
I don't know what he looks like or his name.
This amulet is the only clue that I have on him.
I haven't heard of anyone living here.
I know!
My teacher might know something.
Who is your teacher?
He is called Gama Dojin.
He is a bit too old to be your father.
But he has been living in Gamagatake for decades.
Please let me see him.
I'm sure he will help you.
I'm Ikazuchimaru, his pupil.
I'm Tsunade.
Didn't that hurt?
No.
I'm sorry.
My teacher lives beyond that valley.
Why did you come back here?
I came to see how you, my great benefactor, are doing.
There isn't a day I haven't worried about you.
Please forgive me for staying out of touch for so long.
If you had such sincerity in you...
You wouldn't have deceived me and stolen the Shoryu scroll.
I'm not as blind as to see what you are after.
I don't believe my ears!
I have no ulterior motive.
Hearing that Ogata's son have matured into a man... you have shamelessly come back!
On what grounds do you say that?
The proof is... the scar on your forehead.
I know what you want!
Since you have seen through me...
I won't hide it.
My men should have killed him by now.
I'm going to take your life.
Fool!
I give up.
I won't put up a fight.
As evil as you are, you are my former pupil.
I do not want to kill you.
Take your own life!
Teacher...
I won't hear of any excuses.
I have nothing to say in my defense at this point.
Just...
What is it?
I want to return the Shoryu scroll that I stole from you.
That is admirable of you.
Please verify it.
This is indeed the scroll!
I won't lose it again!
That's right...
No matter what happens...
Orochimaru...?
You are doomed!
Die!
You tricked me!
You are helpless, after being bitten by a poisonous snake!
You have outlived your time!
Ikazuchimaru...
Teacher!
I ran into some trouble along the way.
I will prepare dinner right away.
Blood!
Teacher!
What happened?
Who did this?
Please bring some water.
Teacher...
I am going to die.
Please brace yourself.
I do everything I can to save you.
It's useless.
Let me certify you while I am still alive.
Sit me up.
Thank you.
Look in the right eye of the great statue.
It contains the transformation technique.
Here, take it.
Regarding your identity...
Yes?
You are the son of Ogata, the guardian of Omi.
Your father and mother were killed by Yuuki Daijo, a vassal of the Ogata family.
My father and mother...?
I was planning to tell you this later, and go with you to Omi to help you.
But this had to happen...
Teacher, why are you so kind to me?
Because my former pupil named Orochimaru... had lent a hand to Yuuki Daijo's evil conspiracy.
What's frightening is...
Daijo had sent Orochimaru to kill me.
Teacher, did my senior do this to you?
Get revenge on Yuuki Daijo!
I shall get revenge for you and kill Orochimaru!
Orochimaru is a frightening man.
Be on your guard with him.
Yes, I will.
Teacher!
Use this.
You are...
Teacher!
Dojin!
Teacher...
Teacher, I'm going to Omi.
I will get revenge for you and my parents.
Ikazuchimaru...
Tsunade...
Now you have no lead on your father.
It's all right.
Are you going now?
We have met by some strange fate.
I doubt we will see each other again.
But...
What is it?
I will never forget you.
I pray that you will find your father.
I will be going now.
Please be careful.
Ikazuchimaru...
So the old man's passed away.
Grandmother!
He was an old friend of mine.
There goes another talking companion.
Dojin was killed by someone...
Is that right?
The poor man...
Tsunade, have you found your father?
No.
Will you forget about him?
Your mother was my only daughter.
He left your mother and abandoned you as an infant.
And you still want to see your coldhearted father?
Yes, I want to see him.
I want to inform him of my mother's death.
You may or may not be happy after seeing him...
Yet you want to see him.
I guess I can't stop you.
Go and see him.
Do you know where my father is?
He came from Omi.
That's your lead.
Omi Province?
Go and see for yourself as to what kind of man he is.
I won't stop you.
But if you get hurt after seeing him...
Be sure to come back to me.
Yes, Grandmother.
You will be traveling alone to an unfamiliar place.
Tsunade, let me give you something.
What is it?
Take this with you.
In time of danger...
This spider ornament will protect you.
But it will only work once.
Grandmother...
Good girl.
Tears are a bad omen for departures.
So stop crying.
Or it will depress me, too.
Go, now.
Yes.
Go on.
Use it when you need it most.
KASUMI CASTLE, OMI PROVINCE
What? 
Ogata's son is alive?
Yes, he was hiding in Hida province.
In the mountains of Gamagatake.
Did you kill him?
We failed to do so, due to an unexpected interference.
I will send a group of men to kill him immediately.
That won't be necessary.
He should be on his way to Omi.
What?
To restore the Ogata clan name?
Most likely.
Have you taken measures?
Yes, of course.
I have a group of skilled men lined up for him.
You are well-prepared, as usual.
Koshirota!
Koshirota!
Are you okay?
Yes, I'm okay.
That's good.
That was a close call.
Did you throw this to stop the cart?
Thank you for saving him.
I will help you fix the cart.
What's going on?
They seen to be looking for someone.
It's usually not like this?
Where are you from?
I'm Zenbei, a farmer from Konan village.
Who is that lad?
I am...
State your name!
My name is Sakuzo.
Don't lie!
Isn't your real name Ogata Ikazuchimaru?
!
No. 
Why would I be him?
Silence!
We received a report on you earlier.
What did you do at Konan hill?
I didn't do anything.
Explain yourself to the lord!
Come!
Excuse me...
Are you his friend?
!
No. 
Don't get the wrong idea.
He's my son-in-law.
What?
Saki, say something!
Your precious husband is being falsely accused.
Sakuzo, say something.
That's right, sis.
You heard her.
What was that technique you displayed at Konan hill?
It's not something an ordinary farmer can do.
He just has brute strength.
I thought he would be perfect as a farmer.
But he got himself into this trouble!
Sakuzo!
Your brute strength has got my family in trouble!
Damn you!
You are pathetic!
You trouble maker!
Dad! 
Stop it!
Let me go!
You unfilial son!
Dad! 
Please forgive me.
That's enough.
Go!
Thank you.
Thank them, too.
Thank you.
Thank you again.
Sorry about that.
I'm indebted to you.
Hurry along, before they get suspicious again.
When Lord Ogata was in rule, this land was in peace.
Everyone feels that way deep down inside.
I pray that you succeed in your mission.
I will never forget this.
I will be going now.
That's Yuuki Daijo.
Dad!
Face me.
Farmer...
Where is the lad that was with you?
He's on an errand.
To where?
For what purpose?
He will be back shortly.
Silence!
You knew he is Ogata's son, so you let him escape!
That's not true!
Enough!
Tell me where he is!
I don't know!
Damn you!
Torture the girl and boy!
Dad!
Please have mercy!
Dad!
Listen up!
Anyone who helps Ogata's son shall die, be it woman or child!
Behead those two as example!
Sis!
Koshirota!
You are...!
Yuuki Daijo!
I had a mortifying death by your evil hands!
You couldn't have possibly forgotten me.
My spirit shall remain on this land to curse you to death!
Damn you!
Have you gone mad?
Men, get him!
Damn you!
Who are you?
My name is Jiraiya!
Yuuki Daijo...
You turned against your lord and took over Omi!
I shall punish you for your fearless actions!
Kill the intruder!
It's useless! 
Look!
Daijo! 
Give up!
Help me!
Let me down!
Lord!
Damn you!
You gave yourself a great name such as Jiraiya, but you can't fool me!
Who are you?
Orochimaru.
Orochimaru?
So it's you!
Can you kill me?
I sure can!
Shoot him!
I know who he is.
It's going as planned.
Everyone, listen! 
It's true!
Sir Ikazuchimaru is coming back here!
Sir Ikazuchimaru is alive!
Did you hear?
Hear what?
The Young Lord of Ogata has returned.
What?
So he was alive!
Did you spread the rumors about Ogata's son?
I have spread it to the distant capital city, Kyoto.
I went as far as Sakai.
What is the purpose of it?
It was Orochimaru's idea.
He must have a reason for it.
It won't do us any good to guess.
Hold it.
Woman!
What are you doing?
Woman, did you hear our conversation?
No. 
I was tired and sleeping.
You were sleeping?
Don't lie!
You were unlucky to be here!
What are you talking about?
Woman, ninja are brutal.
They think nothing about killing people.
Resign to your death.
That's being unreasonable.
Who cares about reason!
If we don't seal your lips now, it could bring us trouble later.
I didn't hear anything!
Help!
Shut up!
It's a shame to kill her.
What are you doing?
Momobe!
What are you doing here?
I thought you were at the fort.
Orochimaru called me back.
Why, it's a girl.
Please help me!
I really didn't hear anything.
She overheard us.
No, I didn't!
Go back to the castle already.
Just leave her to me.
But she might...
I have been a ninja longer than you.
I will get rid of her, if I have to.
Fine! 
We will leave her to you.
Shall we get going then?
We will meet at the castle then.
Go on quickly!
Thank you very much.
I would have come to Omi for nothing if I didn't see him.
Are you searching for someone?
Yes, my father.
I will walk you part of the way.
Are you all here?
Did you spread the rumors as I have instructed you to?
Yes.
Even the young children are talking about him now.
But I do not understand why you are doing that.
What do you mean?
If you spread the news about Ogata's son... the people's sympathy will gather to him.
Then you will be choking your own neck.
That's what I'm after.
What do you mean?
No one knows what Ogata's son looks like.
They only know his name.
So if I claim to be Ikazuchimaru and kill Yuuki Daijo, then everything will fall into my hands.
Justice will be with me since I will restore the Ogata clan.
Then I can be Lord.
I plan to become the Lord of this castle.
I see what you mean.
But for that to happen...
The real Ogata Ikazuchimaru must be killed.
Sakuzo...
So you have come to...
Where's my sister?
I'm sorry. 
Daijo has her.
She's been caught?
Dad was killed... and Sis is captured...
I'm sorry...
I caused your family misfortune.
It's not your fault.
Yuuki Daijo is the villain!
Damn him!
Wait!
Let me go!
- Calm down, Koshirota!
How can I calm down?
I know how you feel.
But a child like you can't take him on.
I promise to overthrow Daijo and save your sister.
You will?
Is there someone else you are looking for, other than your father?
No. 
It's not that I'm looking for him.
But I want to see him.
Is he your sweetheart?
Oh, my.
Is it good?
What's wrong?
When I had breakfast in the village this morning, my dad and sister were with me.
But now, I'm all alone.
Damn it! 
Just wait, Daijo!
It's not good for you to eat in anger.
Blow your nose.
You are finally smiling.
How do you plan to save my sister and defeat Daijo?
I wonder.
Don't sound so unsure.
I have to get close to the castle.
There are guards on the streets...
So let's go as far as we can by boat.
I wonder how Sis is doing in the castle.
Koshirota!
Koshirota!
Koshirota!
Koshirota!
Koshirota!
Koshirota!
Koshirota!
You are...
Ikazuchimaru!
Koshirota!
Thanks.
I see.
So your father is in Omi.
Yes. 
So I departed right after you.
Tsunade, your feelings seem to have reached him.
Oh, my.
Are you going to see your father from now?
Yes. 
He's kindly offered to take me to someone who knows my father.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to Kasumi Castle.
Kasumi Castle?
We are headed the same way.
I don't think you should come with me.
Why not?
Danger might befall you.
On me?
Are you going to be in danger?
The men in Kasumi Castle are after my life.
What is the matter?
Will you check on the boy?
On Koshirota?
He has a high fever.
That's not good.
Is there anywhere we can let him rest?
I'm going out to get medicine.
Please watch him.
Sakuzo...
Yuuki Daijo! 
My dad's enemy!
Koshirota, get a grip.
I will get him some water.
He appears to be a ninja.
Why is Tsunade with him?
Ikazuchimaru is fighting with the men in Kasumi Castle.
Could my father be among them?
My father wouldn't be on the side of the villains...
Tsunade!
So Ikazuchimaru killed Ikkansai and the others...
He's stronger than I thought.
I will surely kill him by myself.
How can you possibly kill him alone, when you couldn't do it as a team?
I have a plan.
What is it?
If we use that girl as a decoy, then we should be able to easily kill him.
Who is she?
She's close to Ikazuchimaru.
Do you think that it will work?
If worse comes to worst...
I will attach explosives to her and blow them up together.
Fine. 
Do it.
You can't do that.
Momobe!
What's wrong with the plan?
If I may speak up...
Please take a good look at this girl's face.
Momobe...
This girl came from far away Hida to look for her father.
Who is it that went to Hida to train?
Me.
Come to think of it, I do have some recollection of it.
When I was training under Gama Dojin,
I got involved with a local girl.
Then... are you my father?
This is what my mother left with me.
This is what I gave her.
What's become of your mother?
She died.
Father...
My name is Tsunade.
I've been wanting to meet you.
Are you convinced now?
Tsunade, are you friends with Ikazuchimaru?
Yes, I know him very well.
He helped me look for you.
So he helped you in meeting me.
Momobe, did you tell Ikazuchimaru that I am her father?
No.
Good.
Tsunade, be of use to me.
Yes, of course.
What do you want me to do?
I want you to go to Ikazuchimaru and kill him.
You want me to kill him?
He is a frightening man.
He is a man to be resented.
He's after my life.
Are you and Ikazuchimaru foes?
You don't want to do it?
Father...
I don't have the strength to kill someone.
Oh yes, you do.
Make him drink this.
It has no taste or odor to it.
But it's a potent anesthetic.
Make him drink this and kill him.
Do it!
Tsunade! 
I'm glad you are safe.
Momobe saved me from being abducted.
I was worried about you, but I couldn't leave Koshirota alone.
I'm sorry.
Ikazuchimaru, what happened?
It's nothing serious.
How's the boy?
His fever has subsided.
Let me prepare the medicine.
I will watch the boy, so the two of you should get some rest.
No, I will watch him.
He reminds me of myself when I was a little boy.
I would make a better nurse, since I'm a woman.
I can't inconvenience you anymore than I already have.
It's nothing.
Ikazuchimaru!
Ikazuchimaru!
Momobe, when did you drug him?
If you chat with him, you will have second thoughts.
Momobe!
I'm a boor by nature, but...
I can understand your feelings.
But this is something that you must do.
If you want to be accepted by the boss as his daughter.
For my father's sake...
Close your eyes to it.
What will happen to Koshirota after Ikazuchimaru is gone?
Tsunade!
Do it!
Miss Tsunade, do it.
Sis...
Sis...
Momobe...
I don't have a father.
Please kill me first.
So you won't follow the boss' order?
Fine.
I will do it for you.
Momobe...
Why do you protect me?
There once was a girl...
She was trained by her father to become a female ninja.
Then she was sent to a faraway province as a spy and she died.
Without anyone's notice.
That girl's father is me.
Momobe...
Ever since then...
I have been looking for a chance to make amends to her.
Momobe, you know something, don't you?
Please tell me!
I won't be surprised or sad.
It was Yuuki Daijo and the boss that killed Ikazuchimaru's parents.
So it makes the boss one of the targets of his vendetta.
Then what my father said earlier... were all lies.
Father...
My father is Ikazuchimaru's enemy.
I thought so.
So Orochimaru is her father.
Please forgive her.
She did not want to kill you.
There is a deep reason for this.
It sounds like Orochimaru to use his own daughter.
But to think that his daughter is Tsunade...
Ikazuchimaru, please do as you wish with me!
Do you think I can do that?
Ikazuchimaru, I have a plan.
What? 
You captured him?
Yes.
What happened to Tsunade?
She's keeping an eye on him with Jihei.
I see. 
Good!
I will punish him myself!
Show me the way!
Drink up!
We have got Ogata's son!
Serve me 'sake'!
Where is Ikazuchimaru?
Miss Tsunade!
Tsunade, where is Ikazuchimaru?
I'm sorry...
He got away when I had my guard down.
What? 
He escaped?
Fool!
But I know where he is headed.
Where is he headed?
Well...
Where!
?
Boss!
Jihei!
Those two have betrayed us.
What?
He's gone to Kasumi Castle.
Do you have anything to say?
Father!
Momobe!
How dare you mock me!
Do it for me, Yuuki Daijo!
What's the matter?
Open up!
Yuuki Daijo!
I, Ogata Ikazuchimaru... am here to get revenge for my late parents!
Shoot him!
Open up!
Lord!
Sis!
Forgive me!
Forgive me... 
I was wrong!
Please forgive me!
Daijo stand up!
Attack me like a man!
No! 
Please spare me!
Father...
Mother...
I have avenged you.
Ikazuchimaru!
Jiraiya!
Alias Ogata Ikazuchimaru!
Orochimaru!
Yuuki Daijo died, as I planned!
With you dead, my plan will be complete.
I shall forgive you for what you did, for Tsunade's sake.
So leave at once!
Fool! 
My goal is to be supreme ruler!
I have no use for my daughter!
You and I, were pupils of Gama Dojin.
Let's see who will prevail.
Osaki, run! 
Koshirota is waiting for you!
Listen up, Ikazuchimaru!
This is the magical technique that I learned from our teacher!
You cannot beat my Shoryu magic!
Silence, Orochimaru!
I shall get revenge for my teacher!
Enough talk!
Look, there's a monster dragon and a monster toad...
Could they be...?
It's Sis!
Koshirota!
Sis!
Ikazuchimaru is in danger!
Do you give up, Ikazuchimaru?
Damn you, Orochimaru!
Those are the voices of Ikazuchimaru and my father.
Sakuzo is in danger!
No, Koshirota!
But...
The spider ornament that Grandmother gave me...
Use it when you need it most.
Father... please forgive me.
Die, Ikazuchimaru!
I'm doomed!
Ikazuchimaru!
That voice is Tsunade!
How dare you!
You are not my daughter!
Tsunade, what are you doing?
Stop it!
I can't breathe!
Stop it! 
Tsunade!
Come at me, Ikazuchimaru!
Come to your senses, Orochimaru!
I won't hear of it!
Father!
All has come to an end.
Yes, it has.
I'm going back to Hida, where my grandmother awaits.
Why?
I'm going to Gamagatake where my teacher lies.
You have a duty to restore the Ogata clan.
Restore the clan?
There's an empty feeling after all has come to an end.
Koshirota... 
Osaki...
There is no castle left on the Ogata land.
There are only beautiful fields left for you, farmers to create.
Is it for my sake?
It's for both of our sakes.
Osaki... 
Koshirota...
Stay healthy and cultivate great lands.
No, take me with you!
Farewell, Koshirota!
Goodbye!
Wait!

Toei Company Ltd.
The Ogata Family Kingdom
What is it?
Chamberlain!
- Lord!
Daijo, what's happened?
- A sneak attack has been launched against your kingdom, my lord...
What's that? 
Who's done it?
- Someone working within your own kingdom.
I know who it is...
Tell me who!
- It is...
Your servant, Yuki Daijo!
Listen, Samunosuke. 
As of tonight, I, Yuki Daijo, am ruler of this land...
Koriya... 
Find Ikazuchi Maru...
Koriya...
- Husband!
Ah, Orochi Maru. 
How are our plans progressing?
The defences have all been laid to waste. 
The kingdom is yours for the taking.
Ikazuchi Maru...
So... 
Orochi Maru...
You know that we will never be safe until that child is dead...
I'm counting on you to get rid of him.
- I will not fail you.
Ikazuchi Maru has escaped!
- He's fleeing across the lake!
Do they honestly believe they can escape me...
Curses to you Yuki Daijo... 
We will protect Ikazuchi Maru, so that one day he can return and avenge this horrible act...
Ah, the castle is burning like a lantern!
My young lord!
Hey, what's that!
Protect the child!
No! 
Go away!
BATTLE OF THE DRAGONS (Kairyu Daikessen: 
The Magic Serpent)
In the mountains of Hida...
Ikazuchi Maru, I've trained you well!
It's been an honor...
- In the past ten years since you came I've taught you everything I know. 
At this point there is nothing else you can learn from me.
You mean to say I've mastered everything?
That's right, and it's come time for you to go out on your own.
- It saddens me that I'll have to leave you behind...
I hate to see you go, but it is time. 
You're going to do many good things in the world. 
Not like the other before you...
Another one?
My very first student...
- You mean you had another? 
Tell me who it is...
It's getting late. 
We'll need some herbs or the stew will be no good. 
After eating we will talk.
I'll go to get them.
I'm getting too old for these people to be following me. 
But I doubt they'll remain hidden much longer...
If you're thieves you'll be disappointed, I have no money...
We don't want your money...
- What then?
We're here to see to it you are killed, Ikazuchi Maru!
How do you know my name?
Who sent you to kill me?
That's our business...
Prepare to die!
Put down your sword!
- Whatever you say!
You were lucky... this time it won't come back!
You thought it'd be that easy?
Now who sent you to kill Ikazuchi Maru?
Talk!
He chewed of his tongue...
What's this?
A girl?
...
I'm sorry but I meant you no ill will...
I thought that you'd kill me too after seeing what you did to those men...
I'm sorry too... 
But I've never seen a girl here before. 
Why would you come here?
I was told that my father studied here when he was younger. 
He left before I was born, you see, and I've been looking for him since my mother died a few months ago.
Your father studied here?
- That's right...
What was his name?
- I don't know, my mother never told me. 
She did give me this keepsake though...
He gave it to my mother a long time ago...
I understand... 
But I've never heard of anyone else living here before...
Wait a minute, maybe my master could help...
- Your master?
I know what you're thinking, but he's far too old to be your father...
He's lived here a long time, though, so maybe he could offer you some help.
- Can I meet him?
I'd consider it an honor to have you visit him. 
I'm his only student at the moment, Ikazuchi Maru.
And my name is Sunate.
Did I hurt you?
- Not really...
I'm glad.
If you look you can see his cottage there in the valley...
That was a pathetic trick...
Why have you come here?
Is a former student forbidden from returning to check on his master?
Even after all these years I find time to think about you and your welfare...
I know I have been away for a long time, but I hope you can forgive me...
You were never this kind in the past... 
Especially when you stole my secret scroll...
Orochi Maru... 
Do you really expect me to believe that after you double crossed me in the past?
Why all this hostility when my only goal is to make ammends for my past?
Orochi Maru... 
You know Ogata put the young lord under my protection... 
Now you've come to kill him!
How can you suspect me of that!
?
- It's easy. 
Years ago the bird I sent to rescue the child slashed a dragon across the face...
It left a scar that you wear to this day!
You're a smart old man. 
While I distract you here, my followers have been sent to the forest to kill Ogata's son...
There's only one person I have left to get rid of. 
You!
Drop it!
Why torment me like this. 
Go ahead and kill me!
And to think, you were once my prize student...
I regret it but I can't bring myself to kill you. 
So show some dignity and do it yourself!
Master...
- I want to see no more of you.
Won't you hear me out, just for a moment?
- Go ahead.
I did steal your secret scroll. 
But I have brought it with me tonight to return it to you.
Are these more of your lies?
Look for yourself...
Oh, it is my secret scroll! 
I thought I'd never live to see it again...
Well now... 
Who said anything about living?
Orochi Maru?
You have been tricked yet again!
Orochi Maru!
- You were bitten by an asp, which will ensure you a long and painful death.
But I want there to be no doubt in your mind about who really brought your death!
Ikazuchi Maru!
Master! 
I've brought an extra guest for dinner. 
I hope you don't mind.
Blood!
My master!
Are you all right? 
Who did this to you!
? 
Sunate, get some water!
Master!
I am... dying...
- That's impossible. 
Surely there is something you've taught me that I can do to help...
No, it's inevitible. 
The time has come for you to go out on your own...
Sit me up...
Thank you for teaching me so well...
Behind the god's right eye you'll find a scroll...
Right!
This scroll will transform you into a frog.
It's yours, Ikazuchi Maru.
Now I must tell you of your real family.
- My family?
You are the young lord and heir to the kingdom, the son of the late Ogata!
Your father was killed by his chamberlain, Yuki Daijo, who has taken over the kingdom.
He killed my father?
- Yes, and stole your inheritence. 
I had hoped to go back with you to reclaim it.
But it seems now that you'll have to do it on your own...
Master, who did this to you?
- This was done by my former student, Orochi Maru. 
He helped Yuki Daijo.
He wasn't powerful enough on his own, but Daijo and Orochi Maru together destroyed your family...
So these are the men who are responsible for your death...
You have to avenge your family and kill Yuki Daijo!
Right, I will do as you wish. 
But I have to avenge you too. 
I will kill Orochi Maru.
Orochi Maru won't stop until he knows you are dead. 
Be prepared for any attack made by him.
Master!
I've brought it!
Sunate!
Master... 
Master!
- How do you know me?
I'm so sorry...
Rest, Master. 
I will go to Omi province to make sure that those who did this pay.
And to kill those who took my father from me.
Ikazuchi Maru...
Sunate, I wish I'd been able to help you more to find your father.
It's okay. 
Are you leaving today?
I must avenge these deaths.
I doubt we'll meet again...
But...
But?
- I won't forget our meeting. 
I hope you find your father soon.
So, until next we meet.
- Take care of yourself.
Ikazuchi maru...
I can hardly believe the old man is really dead...
- Grandmother!
I wanted to come and talk to the old wizard again. 
I suppose it's far to late for that now...
He was murdered last night...
- Is that so?
He was a very old friend of mine...
Did you have a chance to talk to him and find out about your father?
No...
- Don't you think it's about time to return home?
He never cared about us. 
I could tell he would be nothing but trouble. 
As soon as he got what he wanted he left us behind.
Finding him will bring you nothing but pain...
I understand, but I have to tell him that mother waited all these years for him...
Nothing good can come of it, but I know that you won't give up.
Go ahead, do what you must.
So, do you have any idea where he might be?
Omi province is where he used to live.
He may well have returned there.
Omi province...
I fear that he is not what you expect at all. 
He could be very cruel to you. 
Please promise that you'll come home as soon as this quest of yours is over.
I will, Grandmother.
You're still so young, you'll need all the gods watching over you to keep you safe. 
Sunate, maybe I have a way that I can protect you as well...
How's that?
Take this pin with you, and keep it with you at all times.
It will summon a spider when you need it.
You can only use it once, though. 
Remember that.
Grandmother!
- My granddaughter...
Now don't start crying. 
You'll get both of us worked up and I'm far to old to be crying. 
Ready to go?
Yes.
Good luck, then.
The spider can only be called to your service once. 
Remember that well!
Yuki Daijo's Palace Grounds
So, you are certain that Ogata's son is alive!
?
- Yes, he was living in the mountains with my former master.
Didn't you have a chance to kill hime?
- No, while I was with the old man he killed my men in the forest.
What? 
He's capable of that?
Then get more men!
Wait, I have a better plan. 
He knows that we killed his father and master, so he is bound to eventually show up here.
What's that? 
Do you really think he'll come to avenge them?
- He's certain to try.
Are you prepared for him?
- There is no need for more men, I will take every precaution. 
You see, we already have Morobe and his six bandits!
You've done well, Orochi Maru.
Kushirota!
- The cart broke lose, are you all right!
?
I'm fine!
- Good, good.
I'm sorry about the cart!
So it was you who stopped it...
- Thank you very much for helping!
Let's see if we can't get this fixed...
Are you kidding? 
I can get three times that from someone else.
- I won't give you a ryo more for them...
Then you won't be getting my chickens!
What's going on here?
- I wonder why the soldiers are here...
They're not normally here?
- No...
Who are you!
?
- I'm just a poor farmer. 
Zenbei is my name.
And you are?
- I am...
Well, out with it!
- Sakuzo is my name!
Is that so? 
I think you're lying.
I think you're Ogata Ikazuchi Maru!
I'm telling you you've made a mistake...
- Quiet! 
You were seen by a guard up the road.
He saw you rescue the child.
He must have been mistaken...
- Then you can explain it to our lord.
Come, take him!
Wait a moment!
- Are you trying to start trouble!
?
No no, just give me a moment. 
You really are mistaken. 
He's not the man you're after, he's my new son in law!
What's that!
?
- Come on Osaki, won't you say something to defend your husband? 
He's going to get us into trouble!
Right. 
Go ahead, Sakuzo, tell them who you are.
- Go on, brother.
Well now, are you satisfied?
But our guard saw you lift that heavy cart all by yourself!
You're not from any village in this kingdom!
This idiot is very strong. 
That's why I wanted him married to my daughter, but he's always causing trouble. 
Sakuzo!
Your constant stupidity has really gotten us into an awful mess this time!
You useless idiot!
I'll teach you to do it again!
- Father!
This is the last time you go causing trouble for me!
Father, stop this! 
You'll kill him!
- Father, stop it! 
Stop it!
I'll teach you!
- But father, I didn't mean to!
That's enough, now! 
Go.
Thank you very much. 
Sakuzo!
Get up and thank these gentlemen.
Thank you my lords...
Again, thank you all very much.
So you're the son of Ogata... 
Forgive me.
- I'm indebted to you for saving me.
Don't be silly. 
All of us remember what it was like to be ruled by your family. 
We've long awaited your return...
Right now I think it'd be best for you to leave.
It's just not safe for you to be here.
I will come back.
Be patient.
There you are, Yuki Daijo...
Well then...
Do you know who I am? 
You can speak.
- Yes!
You had a young man with you earlier.
- Yes, he was my son in law...
That's him. 
Where is he now?
- We... we sent him out on some errands...
Enough! 
You know what the price for protecting a member of the Ogata family is. 
Death!
No, I swear I'm his father in law!
- Liar! 
You helped him escape.
No, no, I swear you're mistaken!
- More lies. 
Kill his family!
Father!
- Father!
Well then. 
You all must learn the price of protecting the son of Ogata.
You will be killed, just like these traitors!
Sister!
- Kushirota!
Look! 
It's the old lords!
Yuki Daijo! 
You see before you the ghosts of the family of Samunosuke, whom you betrayed. 
You will do well to remember your betrayal...
Soon enough you will taste vengeance.
Your time is running out!
What's this? 
You dare to threaten me!
?
Guards, attack! 
Attack!
What... 
Where did they go?
Who, who are you!
?
I go by the name Jiraiya. 
Yuki Daijo!
I have waited for this chance to meet you.
You have killed unjustly...
And I, Jiraiya, am here to make you pay!
What are you waiting for! 
Attack!
It's too late for that. 
Behold!
Daijo. 
Your time has come.
Now!
Wait... 
Please! 
Don't kill me!
So you're calling yourself Jiraiya now?
It suits you, but I know who you really are.
Orochi Maru.
- Orochi Maru! 
You bastard...
Ready to fight?
- You're a dead man.
You, go ahead. 
Shoot!
So he's shown himself at last.
It won't be long before he's back again...
The lord deems that, in light of present events, anyone caught associated with Ikazuchi Maru will...
Listen, listen! 
I've heard that Ikazuchi Maru has come back at least to save us!
Ikazuchi Maru has come back!
Hey, have you heard?
- Heard what?
The son of Ogata has returned!
What!
?
- Is it true? 
Are you sure?
Did you spread the news of Ogata?
- Yes, it's all over the countryside now...
Everyone in the villages know.
- But, why would we want to let people know?
Orochi Maru has a plan in the works...
- Kido, what do you think?
It's not for us to question his orders.
- What was that!
?
A woman!
What do you want!
?
- Shut up! 
You heard us talking...
- What did you hear?
You've got it all wrong. 
I was just sleeping, I didn't hear anything!
- Sleeping? 
You're a liar...
It's just your bad luck to be here then.
- What will you do?
Young woman, you overheard some very important things. 
You'll have to be killed.
But I didn't hear anything!
- That doesn't matter. 
You could be lying, and it's better to be safe than sorry...
Please, I beg you. 
You're making a mistake!
Please, somebody!
She is rather pretty to just kill!
What's all this!
?
Morobe!
- What are you doing here? 
We thought you were back at the palace...
Orochi Maru wants us to assemble.
What were you doing here?
- You have to believe me! 
I was aslepe in the shrine, then they woke me up and tried to kill me!
She heard everything we said.
- That's not true!
The rest of you get started back. 
I'll meet up with you there. 
Leave the girl to me.
- But! 
She heard...
You stop worrying about her, she's my responsibility now.
All right... but she better not squeal.
- Come on, it's a long way back...
Right, best we get started.
- I'll see you all there.
Thank you very much. 
You saved me.
I was asleep in the shrine, I heard nothing they were talking about.
Are you on a long trip?
Yes, I'm here to look for my father.
- Right, then. 
I'll walk with you for a while.
Are you all here?
Kansai! 
Jihei! 
Donin!
Honai! 
Kido!
Did you spread the rumours as I asked?
- Yes, Lord. 
By now it's all the people are talking about.
But we don't really understand why you wanted us to spread word of his return.
Why do you ask?
- The people have waited a long time for an Ogata family return. 
Before long they're bound to revolt!
That's exactly what I want.
What do you mean?
None of the people know what Ogata's son looks like. 
They're just looking for Ikazuchi Maru to rid the kingdom of Yuki Daijo.
After he's done that, I'll get rid of him and take his name for myself.
Then we can ascend to the throne.
- We understand.
Soon he will return. 
Ikazuchi Maru is the only thing stopping our plan. 
Jiraiya must die.
Ah, brother!
- Are you okay?
My sister, where's my sister?
Remember? 
Daijo took her.
- My sister was taken?
He killed my father, and took sister...
- You all helped me to escape, and were only repayed in pain and suffering...
You tried to help us, and kill Yuki Daijo. 
That bastard!
Wait! 
Wait! 
Hey!
You have to calm down Kushirota...
- I have to save her!
You're much too young for that. 
You'll only get yourself killed. 
I'll take care of Yuki Daijo, and save your sister for you.
You'll save her?
- Right.
So you're hoping to find your father here?
- Yes, but I'm also hoping to find someone else...
Someone I met not too long ago...
Oh, I see. 
You have a lover then...
- Morobe...
Is it good?
- Yes!
How are you feeling?
- Still sad. 
I miss my sister and wish she were here. 
We have to find her. 
Damn you, Daijo, we'll make you pay!
Don't cry, it'll make your nose run...
Here you are...
That's much better.
- How do you plan on getting sister back, especially with all of Daijo's men to deal with?
I don't know yet.
- I have faith in you.
Let's get to the castle first.
We can make up a plan as we go.
We're bound to come up with something.
I hope sister is still okay...
It's you!
- Ikazuchi maru!
Thank you.
So, the search for your father has brought you to Omi...
- Yes, but it was good to find you again too.
Sunate, you don't want to sound to eager.
You might end up scaring him off!
- Oh, Morobe...
You say your grandmother told you your father was here?
- Yes. 
I ran into some trouble along the way, but Morobe helped me to get out of it.
Where are you headed, Ikazuchi Maru?
- I'm headed to the lord's castle.
The lord's castle?
- Well, that's where we're headed too, isn't it?
Sunate, I don't think you should go there with me.
What do you mean?
- It's better that you don't know.
Why do you say that? 
Are you going to be in danger?
There are men where I'm going who want me dead.
And who are you, exactly?
- I'm no one. 
The boy, he's starting to feel feverish.
Kushirota?
He's right, he's very warm!
- Really?
There's bound to be somewhere nearby where we can stop for a while...
I'll see if I can find a doctor nearby, you two take care of him...
Sister... 
Yuki Daijo...
I'll kill him!
Kushirota! 
He's hallucinating...
I'll go get some water for him...
I wonder why that man looked at me as he did... 
And why was Sunate with him?
Ikazuchi Maru is going to the castle to avenge his master's death... 
My father is supposed to be there too... 
What if he's one of the people he's looking to kill?
Sunate!
If what you say is true, Kansai, then Ogata's sone is much stronger than I imagined...
I'll go next, Lord, I can kill him myself...
- Why should I let you go, just so you can be butchered yourself...
Why not lure him here?
- How do you mean?
We have the young woman; he's sure to attempt to rescue her....
- Why would he do that?
I saw her with Ikazuchi Maru, they seem well acquainted...
Are you sure it will work?
- He's sure to try. 
And when he does we'll have them both captured.
Very well... 
Proceed.
- Right.
I'd think again if I were you...
Morobe!
What do you suggest?
It's better if I show you. 
I want you to look at this girl you've captured and think back...
Morobe!
Orocho Maru, you were once married to a woman in the country not far from here.
She told me she was looking for a man, one who used to be an apprentice of the old wizard there...
I see... 
It's been a long time since I studied there.
While I was a student I married... you bare a certain resemblence to her...
Then... you are my father!
My mother gave me this... she said you'd recognize it...
She wore this cloth across her dress on the day we were married...
So, how is your mother?
She died not long ago...
Father... 
Sunate is my name...
I've wanted so much to find you...
So you understand now why your original plan would not have worked...
Sunate, is it true that you know this Ikazuchi Maru?
Yes father, very well... 
We came here together... 
He helped me to find you...
So, he was the one who helped you to get here.
Morobe, did you tell him anything at all? 
Does he have any idea that this young woman is my daughter?
No...
- Let's keep it that way.
Sunate, will you, as my daughter, do what I command you to do?
- Yes. 
Just tell me what you need.
Ikazuchi Maru knows you. 
I need you to get close to him and kill him.
Why Ikazuchi Maru?
- Ikazuchi Maru intends to come here and kill me, but you can't let him do that.
You mean you're the one he was coming here to kill?
... 
To avenge his master?
Exactly.
I know I said I'd obey you, father, but I don't think I could bring myself to kill him...
I understand...
Take this poison. 
It's odorless and tasteless, but it's enough to render him unconcious. 
While he's defenseless you can take your opportunity and kill him.
Here. 
Take it.
Sunate? 
Where have you been?
I was captured, but Morobe saved me once again...
I'm glad... 
I had to stay here to protect Kushirota...
It's quite all right.
Ikazuchi Maru, is he still in danger?
I don't think so, his fever seems to have broken.
Where did you get that?
- There's a well behind the house...
I'm going to make us some tea.
I'll be back in a moment.
You must be getting tired. 
I can watch over the boy if you'd like to rest for a while...
No, I'd like to do it myself. 
I feel like I owe it to the boy to watch over him...
But I can help watch him as well.
- Don't worry, I can do it. 
I'd feel I were taking advantage of both of you.
Think nothing of it!
Ikazuchi Maru!
Ikazuchi Maru!
Morobe! 
You poisoned him, didn't you?
I knew you could never do it, so I had to do it myself.
Morobe!
I understand how hard this is for you, even if I am only a bandit. 
You love him, but you have your orders and you must obey them...
You will obey them, won't you?
Father asks too much...
So... 
He means that much to you...
- You see, it's not just me... 
Ikazuchi Maru is like a brother to Kushirota as well...
Sunate!
What's your choice?
Sunate... 
You must be quick...
Brother.... brother...
Morobe! 
I don't care what father ordered...
I can't bring myself to do it... 
I can't bring myself to kill...
Sunate, does this mean that you are disobeying your orders?
I hope you can forgive me, but you know what I have to do...
Morobe!
Why did you do that?
There was once a young woman, much like yourself... 
She loved her father, and she listened to everything he said... 
He used to send her out as a spy...
When the man's enemies caught up with her, they butchered her. 
Her father's name was Morobe.
Morobe...
I remember to this day that I caused her death. 
So what I did here was my own sort of vengeance against myself.
Morobe, that's not the only reason. 
There's something you're not telling me. 
Out with it, I can't stand to be lied to.
Very well. 
Ikazuchi Maru's parents were murderd by your father, under Yuki Daijo. 
He's here to take revenge for their deaths and reclaim his inheritence.
So father was just using me to protect him from Ogata's revenge?
Father must be protected...
But Ikazuchi Maru can't die...
I don't plan on it...
Orochi Maru... 
You are his daughter?
Please forgive her... 
She didn't know his plans or mine. 
She is innocent of all this.
So he was low enough to try to trick his own daughter...
But I must do what I set out to do; try to understand...
- I can't blame you. 
Kill me instead, you surely hate me...
I love you.
There may be another way...
What's that? 
You've captured him!
Yes.
- Where is Sunate?
I left her there to watch over him.
I see... 
Well then, let's go immediately!
Hey, tonight let's celebrate.
I'm happy!
Ogata's son has been taken care of!
Here darling. 
Have some sake!
Where is Ikazuchi Maru!
?
Oh, Sunate!
Sunate... 
How did he get away?
- Forgive me... 
He took a chance while I wasn't looking and captured me...
What's that? 
He escaped!
How could you let this happen!
?
But I do know where he's gone!
You do?
- Yes... 
It's...
Out with it!
My lord!
- Kansai!
The both of them are lying...
- What's that?
They helped Ikazuchi Maru to escape...
What? 
You really thought you'd get away with it?
Morobe! 
Morobe!
Now tell me where he's really gone.
Go ahead and sing, dance!
Yuki Daijo is happy!
What is it?
Open up!
Yuki Daijo! 
I, Jiraiya Ikazuchi Maru have returned. 
And this time, I hope you are prepared to taste death!
What are you idiots doing?
Attack!
Sister!
Have mercy!
Have mercy! 
Lord Ogata!
I bow to you!
Sit up, Daijo! 
It's too late to beg!
No, I beg of you! 
Please so pity!
Father... 
After all this time...
You are finally avenged...
Ikazuchi Maru!
Let's go.
Jiraiya! 
No... 
Ogata Ikazuchi Maru...
Orochi Maru...
Yuki Daijo was the one thing keeping me from taking control of the kingdom. 
I'm glad you finally got rid of him for me...
For Sunate's sake I'll show you mercy. 
Take your followers and leave.
What's this nonsense... 
Do you really think the great Orochi Maru would refuse a battle with you?
We both studied under the same master, didn't we?
Now, the time has come for us to see which one is the strongest!
You, run. 
Kushirota will be waiting.
Ikazuchi Maru! 
I see my master gave you the frog transformation scroll! 
You may be strong, but you can't possibly compete with the dragon!
Strong words, Orochi Maru! 
But tonight you will pay for my master's death and for your treachery...
Then let us fight!
What? 
Those two monsters are going to destroy the palace grounds!
- That's what they're fighting for...
Hey, sister!
Kushirota!
- Sister!
Ikazuchi Maru saved me!
Accept defeat, Ikazuchi Maru!
- Never... 
Orochi Maru!
Father is going to kill Ikazuchi Maru!
- I'm coming, brother!
Come back here, Kushirota!
- Let me help!
I still have the pin that grandmother gave me...
The spider will come to life when you summon it, but remember you can call it only once!
Father... forgive me!
Get ready to die, Ikazuchi Maru!
I'll never give up!
Ikazuchi Maru!
- So that spider is Sunate! 
With her help there's no way I can be defeated!
Sunate, what's this?
Why are you attacking me!
I can't believe it... 
My own daughter...
A traitor to me! 
Sunate!
Come on, Ikazuchi Maru!
- On your mark, Orochi Maru!
So be it!
Father!
They're all finished aren't they?
- All of them...
I promised Grandmother I'd return to her...
- What's that?
She must... just as I must return to the home of my master...
But Ikazuchi Maru, what about the kingdom? 
Who's going to take it?
- I renounce the throne...
It is so strange to be at peace again...
Kushirota... 
Osaki... 
The two of you can do much more for the kingdom than I...
It's your people who have been working the land for ages. 
You are the real lords here.
Ikazuchi Maru... 
Are you doing this for me?
- For you, but for me as well...
Osaki! 
Kushirota! 
Take good care of the kingdom for me!
But no, wait, I want to go too!
Goodbye Kushirota!
- Goodbye!
Wait, brother! 
Wait!
The End

Now we're gonna take one little bite.
There you go.
-Isn't that good?
-Crunch.
Crunch, crunch. 
Yes, it's delicious.
Don't forget. 
Call me from the doctor's the minute he finishes.
She's only having a check-up and we know she's in perfect health.
The diaper rash.
Be sure to ask about the diaper rash.
I've been losing sleep over that rash.
-Tabatha hasn't.
-And over-drooling.
As I see it, she's been over-drooling.
I'm surprised at you.
And tell him that Phil Hooverback's little girl is potty-trained at 11 months.
That's precocious training.
Darling, you're so nervous, you'll need a check-up more than Tabatha.
Look at her.
Isn't she fine? 
Isn't she beautiful?
She is beautiful.
And so are you.
Oh, thank you.
I still want you to call me the minute the doctor finishes his check-up.
Yes, sir.
-"Bye, Daddy." 
-Bye-bye, Daddy.
Good girl.
Mr. Stephens, please.
Hi, Darrin, it's me.
I promised I'd call as soon as Dr. Koblin finished Tabatha's exam.
Well, he says she's--
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
I've got my list right here somewhere mixed up in this miserable Robbins campaign.
Okay. 
Now, what did he say about her--?
Just a minute, sweetheart.
Dr. Koblin?
As one baby expert to another, please, do you mind?
Oh, why, certainly.
-Here we go.
-Darrin.
I'm happy to say your daughter's perfect in every department.
-About this diaper rash-- 
-Yes.
Wonderful.
Yes, I checked that thoroughly.
-Excellent.
-I have a feeling she's over-drooling.
Oh, I checked that thoroughly.
And the potty-training?
A friend of ours, her little girl was potty-trained in 11 months. 
Is that...?
Excellent. 
Couldn't be better.
That was my diagnosis exactly.
I'm so happy to have your confirmation, Dr. Stephens.
That's right.
Darrin, she's a perfectly marvellous sensational, absolutely wonderful typical average baby.
Goodbye.
Now, Tabatha, I want you to do that test and I certainly hope you flunk it.
I think.
Now you can't get that pretty pony, can you, Tabatha?
-Can you get the pretty pony?
-Come.
She can't get the pretty pony.
-Pretty pony.
-She can get the pretty pony.
Oh, just wait until your father finds out.
Oh, what could be worse?
My mother finding out.
That could be worse.
Finding out what, dear?
Oh, Mother, what a lovely surprise.
Oh, but right at Tabatha's naptime.
What a rotten shame.
Let's let her get to sleep.
Oh, but if she's going to sleep, she needs her bottle.
What is going on here?
Oh, nothing, Mother.
Nothing at all.
Now, I didn't use my power to float that bottle to Tabatha and I know you promised Darwin to restrain yourself.
Now, that leaves only Tabatha.
Tabatha.
Is that what's going on here?
How utterly, utterly divine.
Put the bottle down, dear, and come to Grandmamma.
Oh, you little dear.
Welcome to the fold.
-Mother-- 
-What?
-Mother-- 
-What?
-Maybe it's just a fluke.
-Fluke?
In our family? 
Oh, don't be absurd.
-Well....
-Darwin.
That's what it is.
He doesn't know?
You haven't told him yet?
Oh, how delicious.
Darling, let Mother tell him for you.
It would be quite fitting.
No, Mother, no. 
Absolutely not.
I want to prepare Darrin to get him used to the idea.
And when he is used to the idea, then I want to tell him myself.
Now, I mean it.
Until I do tell Darrin otherwise Tabatha is just a typical average baby just like the doctor said.
That's what the doctor said.
"Your baby is perfect in every department.
Wonderful, marvellous, sensational."
I could say more, but I don't like to brag.
Really? 
It's not noticeable.
But let me tell you what another man said. 
Our client Mr. Robbins.
He said this campaign is no good.
No good?
I've been working night and day for three solid weeks on this account.
I haven't been home, seen my wife or daughter--
I know. 
That's why I want you to take the afternoon off.
-Take the afternoon off?
-Sure.
Go home, see your wife and daughter.
Rest, relax. 
Get a new lease on life.
In one afternoon?
Yeah, on account of Robbins is coming to town tonight and I'm bringing him to your place for cocktails so you can get a better feel of the kind of image his firm wants.
I see.
You want me to take the afternoon off to rest and relax get to know my wife and daughter, get a new lease on life so I can slave night and day for another three weeks or more, right?
Right.
All right. 
If you wanna make a physical wreck out of a perfect-in-every-department baby's father well, that's okay with me.
-Mother?
-Yes, dear?
Larry's bringing a client for cocktails.
I've got to go get some hors d'oeuvres.
Well, Tabatha and I will be just fine alone, dear.
You won't be alone for long, Mother.
Darrin's going to be home early.
And if he gets here before I get back, remember now remember, not one word about Tabatha being a....
-You know.
-The word's "witch," dear.
Behave yourself.
Tabatha, my dear we're finally alone.
Let's have some fun, huh?
Now watch Grandmamma.
Now, peek-a-boo.
Peek-a-boo.
Tabatha? 
Tabatha do you think you could do that fun trick for Grandmamma?
Go on. 
Try, dear.
-Funny.
-Go on. 
Try harder.
Very well. 
Come to think of it your own mama couldn't disappear past her knees until she was 5.
Well, let's see now.
Let's see now.
That's it.
Let's see if Grandmamma's darling has developed basic topsy-turvy.
Shall we? 
Look.
Watch the lamp.
See it?
There. 
Now flip it back.
There. 
Hex it for Grandmamma.
Now hex it for Grandmamma.
Well, I guess the lamp is too heavy for your little hand.
Now, Tabatha....
Pretty, pretty.
Let's try this little dish, huh?
Now watch the little dish.
There it goes. 
Yes.
Honey, I'm home.
Hi, Endora. 
When did you swoop in?
Is that any way to greet your daughter's grandmamma?
Oh, sorry. 
Hi, Granny.
-And how is Daddy's little girl?
-Out. 
Out.
Did you hear she passed her check-up with flying colours?
-She's quite a little girl, all right.
-Where's Samantha?
She went to get hors d'oeuvres or something foolish for your client.
Yes. 
He and Larry are coming over this evening.
She'd never have to do such menial things if her husband weren't a mortal.
Why, she could arrange a cocktail party just like that.
How dare you.
How dare I what? 
What? 
What?
How dare you what, what, what?
How dare you--
How dare you perform feats of M-A-G-I-C in front of my daughter.
I guess I lost my H-E-A-D.
Endora, this is a serious matter.
These are Tabatha's formative years and I don't want her normal little psyche scarred with M-A-G-I-C.
And another thing.
When you're left to mind Tabatha don't put so many toys in her playpen.
Why, she loves a lot of toys.
I know what's best for my daughter.
-Now cut that out.
-I didn't do it.
Then explain how such a thing could happen.
Oh, you're getting much too clever.
I can't fool you at all anymore, can I, Dumbo?
-Darrin.
-Oh, yes.
Whatever you say.
Excuse Daddy for losing his temper, sweetheart but I'm the one guy in the world who can say without malice his mother-in-law is a W-I-T-C-H.
Oh, he can spell it out till the cows come home but we both know what we are, don't we, Tabatha?
Get the pony.
That's a girl.
That's a girl.
That's Grandmamma's little girl.
Purity, Darrin.
I am looking for purity and something soft and something absolutely innocent.
Well, purity and innocence are fine, but how will they sell transmissions?
I don't know. 
All I know is the Robbins firm wants to change its image.
We'll let our competitors shove transmissions down the buyers' throats.
We don't find that palatable.
Mark, I'm sure Darrin can come up with a campaign you want.
-Sam, how's Tabatha?
-Oh, she's fine.
I'd let you take a peek at her, but she's asleep.
She's wide awake. 
I was just up there.
You wanna see her?
-Well, sure, that sounds fine.
-Now, Darrin Larry saw the baby three days ago, and I know Mr. Robbins isn't interested.
That was before the doctor said she was perfect, absolutely perfect.
Darrin, he didn't mean that literally.
No baby's absolutely perfect.
Argue with the doctor.
He's the one who said it.
Let's go and put her through her tricks.
Tricks? 
But....
-Come on, honey.
-Well, all right.
Look at that face.
I've been told she looks like me.
Oh, maybe not through the ears, but there's a strong resemblance.
Look at that face.
Don't you see?
That's our new image.
Softness, purity, absolute innocence.
I know what you mean and don't forget beauty.
-Yes. 
Yes, indeed.
-Right.
These are areas that have never been associated with truck transmissions.
It's a very original idea.
Just picture Tabatha's face plastered on billboards all over the country with a caption reading:
"A Robbins transmission makes you feel almost shiftless."
I think we can iron out that slogan, Mark.
I'll arrange an appointment for Tabatha with the agency photographer-- 
-But I don't think-- 
-No, no.
We don't want just any agency photographer.
There's just one man who can do justice to that face.
But I really don't think-- 
-Diego Fenman?
-Who else?
-Can you get him?
-Certainly.
Only about the greatest baby photographer in the world.
Sam, imagine Tabatha being photographed by Diego Fenman.
How about that?
-Well, I'm afraid we can't do that.
-Why?
Well, you know what they say happens to babies who go into modelling or show business.
They get their picture all over everything they start believing their own press and bounce from marriage to marriage.
Sam, at her age she won't even know what she's doing.
With a face like Tabatha, we've got a winning campaign.
You really think she's cute, don't you?
Like he said, she's a doll.
Maybe she's got one of those faces that photograph fat or something.
-Sam, I'd like to go through with this.
-If you ask me--
Fine. 
I'll call Diego Fenman and set up an appointment for Tabatha...
-...early Saturday morning.
-Great.
Honey, I'll bet we are the only father-and-daughter advertising team in the country.
-That calls for a drink.
-Absolutely. 
Come on, Mark.
There, sweetheart. 
Now you go to sleep. 
I'll take your pony.
Oh, Mark...?
Good night, sweetheart.
Sleep tight. 
Tomorrow's the big day.
-Tomorrow?
-Big day.
-Coming, sweetheart?
-In a minute.
Now, Tabatha, you have to be good tomorrow because I can't stop them from using you in the campaign.
Not when it means so much to your daddy.
And I can't tell your daddy about you because then he'd be afraid to let them use you in the campaign.
No.
Now that's what I mean.
You're gonna have to be good.
Funny.
I know.
I know what a wonderful feeling it is to be part of a magical life to have so much at your fingertips.
But we're living in a world that just isn't quite used to people like us and I'm afraid they never will be.
So I'm gonna have to be very firm with you.
You're going to have to learn when you can use your witchcraft and when you can't.
Now, your wonderful daddy wants us to be just plain people.
So you're gonna have to stop wiggling your fingers whenever you want any--
Tabatha.
You twitched your nose.
Just like Mommy.
Oh, you are your mother's daughter, all right.
Oh, how charming.
When every other mother in the world is telling her child, "Mustn't touch" you'll be saying, "Mustn't twitch."
-Mother, cut that out.
-Oh, we must tell Darwin.
Let's go in and watch him fall on the floor in an emotional heap.
No, Mother. 
I will tell him myself and it's gonna be hard enough without your gloating little zingers.
Goodbye, Mother.
You sure know how to take the fun out of things.
I must have learned it from you.
Well, Tabatha, wish me luck.
This will be the hardest speech ever delivered in the history of a marriage.
Pretty pony.
Let me see.
Darrin, Tabatha is a witch.
No. 
No, that's too abrupt.
Let's see. 
How about:
Darrin, I have something to tell you that I don't think will exactly be a thrill.
No. 
That's too chicken.
Maybe I can write him a note.
No. 
I'll tell him first thing in the morning.
So you see, Darrin, it's really nothing.
All it amounts to is that Tabatha is a witch.
Darrin--?
Darrin?
"Dear, Sam Tabatha and I have gone to the photographer's studio.
Wanted to let you sleep. 
Don't worry, everything will be fine. 
Love, Darrin."
Disaster time.
The photographer's studio.
All right, gentlemen, I'm in the mood now.
-So are we.
-Hi. 
Darrin, Larry, Mr. Robbins.
Oh, boy, am I glad I got here.
Tabatha's just about to go in front of the camera.
Well, I'll go with her.
She'll need her mommy.
Diego Fenman works alone.
Samantha, this is Diego Fenman the master photographer.
The Michelangelo of the portrait world.
-An artist in the truest sense.
-A Rembrandt if ever there-- 
-I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Fenman.
-Thank you.
-Wouldn't you like me to go with you?
-Oh, no.
An audience tends to freeze my creative flow.
Mustn't freeze his flow.
-Darrin, do something.
-About what?
Sam, I assure you that Diego Fenman is an expert at handling children.
Oh, but Tabatha's different.
Mrs. Stephens, you'll be very pleased with the results.
Diego works magic with a camera.
Yes, but so does-- Works magic with a camera, huh?
That's nice.
See that nice bearsy there?
All right, now, Tabatha you make cutesy for Uncle Diego.
Watch the pretty pony.
Uncle Diego ought to lay off the funny water when he's gotta work the next day.
Watch the pony.
I knew I had problems, but wait till my analyst hears about this.
-How long are they gonna be in there?
-Honey, relax.
Diego's very thorough, Mrs. Stephens.
Why, the man's very nearly a genius.
He just wants to get a perfect pose for the campaign. 
I'm sure Tabatha's fine.
All right, now. 
Make cutesy.
Cutesy for Uncle Diego.
There we go.
Uncle Diego's gone flipsy again.
The whole brain is falling right out of the back of the head.
-I've gotta peek.
-Well, honey, go ahead.
Anxious mothers.
I can stand it no longer.
Tabatha, come on.
-What happened?
-You wouldn't believe it.
My analyst will not believe it, but I believe it.
I've seen it.
I mean, I saw it with my own eyes.
Diego, did you get any pictures?
I got all kinds of pictures. 
I got floating-stuffed-octopus pictures and bouncy-rubber-ball pictures and--
She did it. 
She's the one who did it to me. 
Oh, take her away.
Put her away.
That is one nutty baby.
Wait a minute. 
You're blaming this silly display of emotion on my daughter?
A helpless 1-year-old?
You should be ashamed.
I ought to be ashamed?
She ought to be ashamed.
You talk to her.
You do something with her.
I've tried everything.
My charm, my exuberant personality.
I even used my pretty picture of a pretty pony.
That pretty picture has amused every single child I have ever worked with except her.
Oh, I tell you, she did this to me.
Funny.
Come on, Sam. 
I don't have patience with a person who abuses babies.
Or with babies who abuse photographers.
Now, mustn't twitch.
Please.
Honey.
Wow, Mr. Fenman sure took a lot of pictures. 
I didn't think he had time.
You should've heard Larry and Mark.
They really flipped over the results.
This is the one we're going to use to launch the ad campaign.
Oh, Darrin, isn't that cute?
Say what you want about Diego Fenman he still is pretty close to being a genius.
-What do you mean?
-Well, look at this.
This is the most amazing trick photography I've ever seen.
Do you see any wires?
No.
No, I can't say that I do.
Anybody would think that toy octopus was actually suspended in midair.
Certainly would.
Now aren't you glad you let him take the pictures?
-You were just worrying for nothing.
-Yes, darling.
You have a beautiful wonderful daughter and I hope she grows up to be just like you.
Something tells me you're gonna get your wish.
You stop that.
Subtitles by SDI Media Group

♪♪ [Surf Rock]
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
♪♪ [Fades]
[Man Narrating] Summer means many different things to different people.
To some, it might mean the thrill of a high-speed catamaran.
Others like to float around and soak up a few stray rays.
Still others like some kind of inland activity.
But for us, it's the sport of surfing!
The thrill and the fun of the sport of surfing.
Some people like to bodysurf.
Others like to ride a short belly board and get a short ride.
Still others like a short bellyboard and a long ride, like George Greenough at Santa Barbara, California.
Most surfers like to ride a regular board... and perform on medium-sized waves.
Most would like to perform as well as Australian Nat Young here.
Or as well as American surfer Butch Van Artsdalen.
Some surfers prefer the hairy thrill of a big wave.
You can go right or left, but you can't very well do both at once.
If you do, at least it's something commonly known in the surfing world... as a wipeout.
The only way to avoid a wipeout is to take this wide "stink bug" stance.
Spread your legs and hang on till your trunks rip right up the back.
No place represents summertime to more people than the Hawaiian Islands.
To surfers, summer in Hawaii means the reefs near waikiki that break so well-- places like this spot, about a third of a mile out over the reef.
It's called Number Three.
Right next to Number Two.
One of the outstanding surfers from Hawaii-
- Mr. Paul Strou.
There are many places on the reef that break during the summer.
About 300 yards from Number Three is another spot called Kaisers.
Friendly surfers in Hawaii.
"Hi there, Charlie."
Conditions are ideal.
water temperature averaging 75 degrees.
The air temperature-- 75 degrees.
One of the most popular summer breaks is just off to one side... of the Ala wai Yacht Harbor entrance, a spot called Ala Moana.
On a weekend, you see surfboards, boats, every imaginable thing using the harbor entrance.
In fact, the new sport over there is "trolling for surfers."
If you can sort yourself out from the boats, you can get a great ride, like Gene Harris is doing here at Ala Moana.
Another outstanding surfer from Hawaii-
- Fred Hemmings.
Fred only stands up on alternate Wednesdays, but when he does, he really wails.
Just across the entrance channel from Ala Moana is another surfing spot, called Garbage Hole.
They built a breakwater that cut the surf off, but in its day... this spot produced some fantastic rides for surfers like Wayne Miyata.
Who are the Potters?
-Stop it, Julia.
-Stop what?
-Pretending you don't care.
You're taking my little difficulty more seriously than I am.
Don't let Johnny go off tonight and make a hash of both your lives.
You can't let him sail alone.
He's no more sailing than you are.
Does Father know you aren't going to the Todds' dinner?
Why do you want to shut me out in the cold like this?
I wasn't aware that I was.
Won't you just talk to me?
Please, Julia.
If there's been any shutting out done, it's you who've done it.
Me?
Johnny and I have had a difference and you're siding with him, aren't you?
But he's right.
-He's right for you as well as for himself.
-I think that's for me to decide.
-Not Father?
-Father has nothing to do with it.
He happens to agree with me where you don't.
But....
But we've always agreed before, always.
No. 
I think quite often I've given in, in order to avoid scenes and upsets and....
Is that true, Julia?
You've always been the stronger character.
At least people have always thought so.
You've made the decisions and had the ideas.
And you've been resenting me.
I can't believe it.
It's nothing to get into a stew about.
I didn't say I resented you.
You've been an immense help often.
When it comes to determining my future and the future of the man I'm going to marry--
Your future, Julia?
What do you want, just security?
Sit back smugly in your bank vault among the worthies of the world?
One thing I don't want is to start this endless discussion all over again.
You've only 20 minutes in which to dress.
Linda, did you hear me?
Father, I think you're both giving Johnny the rottenest kind of a deal.
-In what way?
-In every way.
-You're not thinking of what's best for him.
-On the contrary.
The young man's outlook has merely become somewhat confused.
-You'll straighten it out for him.
-We shall try.
But why hasn't he the right to live part of his life as he wants to?
Linda, I should like to understand what he and you are aiming at but I confess, I cannot.
I consider his whole attitude un-American.
-Are you serious?
-Entirely.
Then he is and he won't go to Heaven when he dies.
He can't believe a life devoted to piling up money is all it's cracked up to be.
Strange, isn't it, when he has us right before his eyes for such a shining example?
I listened most attentively the other day to our young dreamer and I still must confess that the talk of the two of you seems to me of the 17-year-old variety.
I'm glad if it is. 
We're grand at 17.
It's after that, that sickness sets in.
Well, I feel very well myself.
You both think he'll come around.
Compromise, anyway.
You'll get fooled.
He won't give way one inch.
-Stubborn?
-No, right and knows he's right.
What's the matter, kid?
I can't believe it, Ned.
Johnny's clearing out.
He's sailing tonight and Julia won't lift a finger to stop him.
I don't understand her.
Most people, including Johnny and yourself, make a big mistake about Julia.
They're taken in by her looks.
At bottom she's a very dull girl and the life she pictures for herself is the life she belongs in.
You've just never hit it off, that's all.
-Ned.
-What?
You remember what we talked about on New Year's Eve?
Sure, I remember.
-Tell me something.
-Sure.
Does it stand out all over me?
Why?
Nick and Susan, this afternoon.
I think they got it.
Anyone who loves you would, Linda.
That's awful. 
I'm so ashamed.
I'm not, though.
Why should you be?
Pardon me, Miss Linda.
-Yes, Henry.
-Mr. 
Case is downstairs.
Have him come up, will you, Henry?
And, Henry, tell Miss Julia.
He'll be up in a minute.
Are you sure you want to get over him?
No, I'm not and that's what scares me most.
I feel alive and I love it.
I feel at last something's happening to me.
But it can't get anywhere so it's like living on that stuff.
-I've got to get over it.
-Because it seems so hopeless, is that it?
Seems? 
What do you mean?
Don't you know?
Let me tell you something.
You're twice as attractive as Julia ever thought of being.
You've got twice the looks, twice the mind and 10 times the quality.
You could charm a bird off a tree if you would and why not?
If you were in her way she'd ride you down like a rabbit.
How could you, Ned, knowing the way she loves him?
-How could you?
-All right, Linda.
Tell him hello for me, will you?
-Hello, Linda.
-Hello, Johnny.
I sent for Julia.
I feel as if I'd been away quite a while.
Yeah.
-I went to Placid.
-I see.
It was....
-It was horrible there.
-I can imagine.
-I'm going to take that job at the bank.
-I see.
Only for a while, only for a couple of years.
Just until I can get it through to her that....
It was what she asked and after all, a couple of years isn't a lifetime.
-Is it?
-Of course not.
-I think everything will be all right, Johnny.
-Sure.
I can see the way they feel about it.
I could hardly expect them to do a complete, sudden about-face but....
But, hang it, why can't they see what I'm getting at?
Perhaps eventually they will.
That's what I'm counting on.
Linda you agree there's only one thing for me to do now, don't you?
Compromise?
Yes.
Yes.
You think that's right, don't you?
-I don't think it matters a bit what I think.
-It does though, Linda.
You think it's right, don't you?
Say you think it's right.
Johnny, when two people love each other as much as you do anything that keeps them apart must be wrong.
-Good evening.
-Good evening, sir.
They tell me you've been away.
Pleasant having you back.
It's pleasant to be back.
There's been a rather noticeable absence of snow these recent weeks.
Quite.
Father, Johnny came tonight to see Julia.
That doesn't surprise me a great deal, Daughter, not a great deal.
Julia, not you and me.
Come on, Dada, let's go bye-bye.
Good evening, Johnny.
-Get your coat, darling, we're going out.
-Yes, dear.
Father, could you explain to the Todds?
Please, close the door.
I wish to speak with you both.
You insist on putting me into a position that I don't in the least relish.
Who's there? 
Come in, Ned.
-Sorry. 
I just thought that....
-Come in.
Sit down, Son.
Coming between two young people in love is furthest from my wish or intention.
For love, true love, is a very rare and beautiful thing.
Where are you going? 
Please, sit down.
And I believe that its path that is to say the course of true love, contrary to the adage, should run smooth.
I am a man of 58 years and speak from a long experience and observation.
It is of paramount importance-- 
-I beg your pardon, sir?
-Yes?
If that position at the bank is still open I'll be glad to take it.
I'm still not convinced.
I still don't believe in it, but it's what Julia wishes and....
And I'm glad to defer to her wish.
-You're not convinced, you say?
-Would you like me to lie to you, sir?
Father, it's enough for me.
Julia said a year or two. 
I'll do everything I can to make a success of it.
I have only one reservation.
If, at the end of that time, I still think it's wise for me to quit...
-...there won't be any objections.
-I doubt there'll be reason for any.
We shall have to see about that.
Well, Father?
-When is it you wish to be married?
-As soon as possible.
Now the sun shines once more and we're all friends again.
And now what are your plans for your wedding trip, may I ask?
-We haven't any definite-- 
-It's wise to prearrange honeymoons.
Now let me suggest a little itinerary.
You will land at Plymouth or Southampton and proceed straight to London.
I shall cable my sister tomorrow.
They will be delighted to have you stay with them.
He is one of the most important men in British banking circles.
You could scarcely go abroad and not stop with your Aunt Helen, Julia.
In addition it will save hotel expenses and Johnny can learn some British methods.
Then I'll cable the Bovays in Paris.
He's expert adviser to the Minister of Finance.
A valuable man for you to know.
I had thought of this as a honeymoon more than a business trip, sir.
There's no harm in combining a little business with pleasure.
I've never found there was.
They have a lovely place, Johnny, just outside of Paris.
Now a week in London, a week in Paris, 10 days in the South of France, ideal.
Then you could sail from Genoa and return by southern route.
I'll arrange to have your house ready for you March 1.
Thanks, darling.
What house is that, Julia?
Father's lending us a place on 64th Street.
Wait till you see it.
This is not to be a gift you know, not yet.
After you've occupied it for some time my hard old heart may soften.
Listen to him, his hard old heart.
Would you also arrange for the servants?
Julia, I'm sorry but I can't stand it.
Would you mind telling me what you mean?
I thought this was a trial for a couple of years.
If we begin with possessions and obligations we could never get out from under them.
No!
No.
You've been extremely kind and generous, but it's not for us.
-But you.... 
You said that-- 
-I'm back where I was, Julia.
I can see now it's got to be a clean break, it's simply got to.
We've got to make our own life, there's nothing to it if we don't.
There's no other way to live it.
Forget about wedding invitations and all the rest of it. 
Let's get married tonight.
-I must decide now, must I?
-Please.
And if I say no?
I'm going tonight by myself.
Very well then. 
You can go.
I suppose the fact is I love feeling free even better than I love you, Julia.
Good-bye, sir.
I'm sorry we couldn't make a go of it.
Thanks for trying anyway.
Good-bye to you, Linda.
You've been sweet.
Good-bye, Johnny.
I hope you find what you're looking for.
I hope you do.
Linda.
Please, do.
Good-bye, Ned.
I'll miss that man.
He's gone.
-Yes, and in my opinion-- 
-Good riddance.
-He's really gone.
-Never mind. 
He loves you, he'll be back.
Be back?
"Be back," did you say?
What do you think I am?
I hope this experience, hard as it may have been--
Don't worry about me. 
I'm all right.
Even a little more than all right, I should say.
-What's with you? 
Will you kindly-- 
-You don't love him.
Answer me. 
Do you or not?
-What's that to you?
-You don't, do you?
It's written all over you.
You're relieved he's gone.
-Suppose I am?
-She asks me, suppose she is!
-Are you? 
Say it.
-I'm so relieved I could sing with it.
-Is that what you want?
-Yes, thanks.
Neddie, Neddie, have I got a job now.
Is your passport in order? 
Mine is.
What do you say?
-Well, when?
-Now. 
Tonight.
-I don't think I could.
-Sure you could. 
If I can, you can.
-Where are you off to?
-Will you come?
-Where are you going?
-On a trip. 
On a big ride. 
Do you mind?
Will you come, Ned?
-Listen, Father-- 
-A trip now is out of the question.
-You won't.
-Can't.
-Caught?
-Maybe.
-I'll be back for you, Ned.
-I'll be here.
You've got no faith in Johnny, have you?
His little dream may fall flat, you think.
What if it should? 
There will be another.
I've got faith in Johnny.
Whatever he does is all right with me.
If he wants to dream for a while, he can and if he wants to come back and sell peanuts, how I'll believe in those peanuts.
Good-bye, Julia. 
Good-bye, Father.
-Good-bye, Neddie.
-Good-bye, kid. 
Good luck.
Never you fear, I'll be back for you, my fine bucko.
All right.
Linda.
Try and stop me, someone.
Please someone try and stop me.
I shall not permit it. 
I shall....
-Permit Linda? 
Don't make me laugh.
-She's going with him, isn't she? 
Isn't she?
-Going to get her Johnny.
-A fine chance she's got.
Any bets? 
Any bets, Julia?
To Linda.
And while we're at it, Grandfather.
Dear, what a trip this might have been with Johnny along.
Will you please stop it, Nick?
I can't stop it, Susan. 
I'm miserable.
Thinking of him I should say.
-Shut up, dearest.
-For two cents, I'd call off the whole thing.
-Johnny.
-Johnny. 
My word.
-Where's Julia?
-I left her sitting on her golden throne.
-Johnny is taking the big ride by himself.
-No.
Boy, champagne, any amount of it, but hurry.
-Oui, Monsieur Porter.
-The name is Potter.
Let's change our name to Porter.
Then they'll call us Potter.
What happened?
I've just wakened out of a nightmare.
Everything will be all right.
I know it is. 
Come on, children, come on.
Is this where the club meets?
Right here.

And it was there that Daniel Webster got the stern and intellectual training of the lawyer.
Got the training... that made him see made him see things clearly and logically.
until victory finally crowned his efforts.
And... because he saw things clearly and logically... victory crowned his efforts.
And then there was another important thing about him.
About Daniel Webster, I mean.
And that was that...
And then he...
In the matter of the National Bank. he opposed it forcibly on the grounds that... that there wasn't enough behind the species...
And uh... because of the... of the... untiring and ceaseless efforts of that clear and logical lawyer our Junior High of Manson got its name and inspiration.
I thank you.
Did I leave anything out, Uncle Joe?
Just most of the middle and the whole point.
I thought you were wonderful.
I'm quite sure I voice the opinion of you all when I say that our Herbert Mitchell has made a most unusual speech.
Or should I become a little more informal and call him Buzz.
The name which he has gained since coming to this community from his native Canada.
Yes, I shall. 
Buzz Mitchell.
An excellent speech, Master Buzz, though I confess you did confuse me a little about the banking problem.
But then, I'm only a banker and not a prospective lawyer, like you.
Yip, yip, yip, yip.
Before announcing the next artist on the program
I want to extend our heartfelt thanks to a little woman who has done much for Manson.
In her civic activities, by the example she sets in her home life her commendable fortitude in adversity she's a credit to our fair city.
She always has given of her time and energy much more than her widow's might.
Mrs Dorothy Wingate.
And more than that, my friends,
Mrs Wingate has also given us the next artist on our program the little American nightingale,
Miss Pinkie Wingate.
Dear, when you smiled at me
I heard a melody
It haunted me from the start.
Something inside of me started a symphony, zing went the strings of my heart.
Just like the breath of spring, I heard a robin sing about a nest set apart.
All nature seemed to be in perfect harmony zing went this strings of my heart.
Your eyes made skies seem blue again
What else could I do again but keep repeating through and through I love you, love you.
I still recall a thrill
I guess I always will
I hoped would never depart.
I knew I loved you heaps and you were mine for keeps
Zing went the strings of my heart.
Your eyes made skies seem blue again
What else could I do again but keep repeating through and through I love you, love you.
I still recall the thrill
I guess I always will
I hoped would never depart.
I knew I loved you heaps and you were mine for keeps
Zing went the strings of my heart.
If the future of Manson depends on some of the stuff I heard in there we're doomed for some long, lean years.
But Uncle Joe, I knew the whole thing...
There's Mrs Wingate.
Go on and square yourself with her.
Gosh, Dottie, I knew it word for word when I said it to you the other night, didn't I?
I thought it was very good, Buzz.
Didn't you, Mrs Higgins?
It was all right.
Of course it was.
Ahh...
Ahh.
A delightful song, Pinkie, and a delightful voice.
We'll have to see that that voice gets training, eh?
Aren't you going to thank Mr Drubbs, Pinkie?
Thank you.
Come along, dear.
I want to talk to Buzz first.
All right, but don't be late.
Bring Buzz home for dinner, if you want to.
Good bye.
If it hadn't been for Mr Drubbs I bet I wouldn't have forgotten it.
He was staring at me every time I looked around.
Gee, I know what I forgot.
Not only in the matter of the defeat of paper currency Bank did victory crown his efforts but also in the area of free trade, too...
And I don't want you to rush into anything if you aren't sure, Dottie.
Take your time. 
Think it over some more.
I realize that perhaps I don't have much to offer a woman like you.
but if you can see your way clear...
I'll do my best to make you happy.
I know you would, Arthur.
But I have so many problems right now...
The children?
I'd do anything in the world for them.
I love those kids.
Ouch!
Billy Wingate!
Are you still sure you want to take on the Wingate family?
Dead sure.
You will think it over, won't you?
Yes... yes, I will.
I'll think it over.
It's been a nice afternoon.
Good bye.
Good bye.
Billy, stop fooling now and eat your cereal.
But Daniel Boone didn't eat cereal.
Billie!
Aw, gee, it's the first day of vacation.
Well, all right, but tomorrow.
Guess I'll go kill a few Indians.
It's a nice sunny day to start a vacation.
Toast, dear?
Oh, yes, toast.
Gee, Dottie, I wish I had a job.
What?
Didn't you sleep well, dear?
It'd be just like when we used to have so much fun.
Remember, even the time I frowned Daddy said we'd have to go and celebrate.
And he had finished the trailer we left the breakfast dishes and went away and stayed for a week.
We wouldn't have to sell the trailer and we could go anyplace...
Pinkie, what are you talking about?
I'd be making plenty of money and you wouldn't have to worry about anything at all.
We could get the taxes paid up, and the roof fixed and you could have a lot of new clothes like you used to have.
Oh, Pinkie, you're sweet, but you aren't going to work.
You're going to have a nice, long vacation.
And in the fall you're going to Millicent School and you're going to have that voice trained properly.
But Dottie, I...
Listen, dear... when I was your age I didn't learn much, except well, how to wash dishes, how to bake a shortcake, that sort of thing.
When an emergency came, I wasn't prepared to meet it.
You're never going to be in that position.
You're going to have the best kind of independence.
I don't mean money.
I mean the ability to do something for yourself.
That's why training your voice is so important.
But...
Pinkie, what are you trying to say?
Well...
It's just...
Dottie...
If there was anybody else in this family besides us
I mean, besides you, and Billie and me...
It wouldn't be like the same family.
I mean...
You wouldn't...
Pinkie...
Don't you think I want what's best for all of us?
When you and Billy have everything that Daddy wanted for you I'll be so happy.
Why, you're just beginning.
Won't you trust me, dear?
Yes, mother.
Gee, I love you, Dottie.
Fill 'er up, Joe, and check the tires, I'll be back in a minute.
Gosh, Pinkie, don't.
Please don't.
Look, maybe she won't marry him after all.
But she will.
I know she will.
Then he'll sit there in Daddy's chair and go ha-ha-ha.
Oh, Buzz, I can't stand it.
Well, gosh...
You gotta go with this clearly, logically.
But she's unhappy, I know she's unhappy.
'Cause she cried again last night.
And she'll go on crying.
Before she used to laugh all the time.
If Daddy were only here he'd do something.
Well, I'll do something, Pinkie.
What?
Well, I'll go over and talk to her.
That won't do any good, Buzz.
Well, I...
Maybe we could sue.
Sue?
Dottie?
No, no, Drubbs.
Could we, Buzz?
What for?
Oh, I... there must be plenty of things, I mean...
Just a minute.
Section 233
234... 235...
What is it, Buzz?
I think I've got something here.
Buzz...
I've gotta get an outside opinion.
Pinkie, you wait here.
Buzz!
Buzz...
If you wanted to take a fellow out of town for a few days that mightn't want to go but you knew it was the best thing for him...
Buzz...
They couldn't put you in jail for that, could they?
Maybe.
Supposing it was a relation.
Like the time Mrs Selfridge took her daughter Mabel to Europe so she couldn't marry that Pickering fellow.
Well, they couldn't put you in jail for that, could they?
No, they couldn't arrest you for that.
Supposing it was a case like that?
Say...
When Mabel came back, she didn't want to marry that guy at all, did she?
Let me do that, Uncle Joe.
Listen. 
If I took a fellow fishing for a couple of days... could I borrow the Model "A"?
Yep.
But don't you think the fellow would be more comfortable if you borrowed the Wingate trailer?
Gee!
Buzz.
Thought about how you aim to feed this fellow, Buzz?
Whereas you look all tuckered out from your first day's work, Buzz and... whereas the fishing will be pretty good right now.
Looks to me whereas I'm cooked for a raise in advance.
Not that I think it will do any good, mind you... but it's worth it just to get a look at old Drubbs' face.
Uncle Joe.
I bet that old windbag will wanna shoot me for this...
Pinkie, dinner's almost ready.
What?
I wish you'd come downstairs so I wouldn't have to shout at you.
I can't come down.
Never mind, I'll be up.
Oh, no!
I'll be down.
Right down.
They're ready.
Look out!
Let it go.
Now, listen, Billie, you...
What're you doing with Pinkie's clothes, stealing?
I know, you're eloping.
Pinkie and Buzz are eloping!
Pinkie and Buzz are eloping.
Shut up and I'll give you my three-bladed jackknife.
Pinkie and Buzz are eloping.
I'll give you my carbine shell, too.
Huh? 
Where is it?
I haven't got it with me, but I have got something you want.
What?
Rats.
Where?
Right in there in a cage.
Red-eyed rats?
Sure, come and see for yourself.
Jiminy Crickets
Buzz! 
Buzz!
Drubbs is coming down the road.
Hey, Dottie, Dottie!
Hello, Buzz.
What was all that noise outside?
Somebody moving in next door?
No, that was me. 
I've got the trailer here.
A man says he wants to buy it.
Says he'll give you $50 for it, too.
Really, Buzz?
Oh, wait till I get this roast out of here.
You'd better come right away.
He might go away. 
He´s that kind of a fellow.
Come on, Dottie, hurry.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Oh, I look awful.
No you don't, come on now, Dottie.
Dottie, help, let me out!
Dottie, let me out.
Billy.
Dottie, help, let me out.
Baby, how did you get in there?
I'll shoot that ol' Buzz so hard that he won't be able to sit down for a week.
Rats! 
That liar.
What is all this?
Buzz! 
Buzz, let me out of here.
Pinkie, Pinkie. 
Do you here me?
She's pounding on the window, Buzz.
Don't pay any attention.
Gosh, Buzz, maybe we've gone too far, huh?
We've gone too far to back down now.
We're only as far as the old lumber mill.
Come on, Buzz, we'd better turn back.
For Pete's sakes.
Take her back to marry Drubbs?
Oh, no. 
No.
Then sit tight and quit yapping.
Now, now, don't, Pinkie, don't.
What do you want me to do?
Give it all up?
Let her marry Drubbs?
Oh, Buzz, please stop.
Please.
Oh, Buzz, you're a darling.
Wait a minute, Pinkie.
We've got to talk. 
I'm gonna do it.
I'm not gonna have you gumming this thing up too so as we're back where we started.
But...
Oh, all right, Buzz.
Dottie! 
Are you in there?
You know perfectly well I am, Buzz.
Let me out of here this second.
Open up, Buzz, or I'll shoot your ugly head off.
Open up, I said.
Listen, Dottie, please don't be angry and treat us like children.
We thought this whole thing out very carefully and it's for your own good.
Will you open this door.
Listen, Dottie... we just want you to promise something first.
Now, in the event that we must return to town... and we'll do that only if you promise us a certain thing.
It's in your own interest, I assure you.
Will you promise if I open the door?
Dottie. 
Can you hear me?
Dottie.
Mrs Wingate.
Now listen, we know you're in there.
Open it, Buzz.
I might as well try and reason with a piece of cheese as women.
What's the idea of locking us in that trailer?
Billie, be quiet.
I'm sorry.
Dottie.
Now what have you to say for yourselves?
It's simply this way, Mrs Wingate.
We just wanted to protect you.
By throwing me into a trailer and locking me in and then driving into this ordeal and nearly knocking my teeth out.
Dottie, we didn't mean to.
Are you hurt?
Well, what did you mean then?
What is the meaning of this?
We only wanted... only so you could get away and... not have to worry about money and... not have to marry people or anything.
Honestly, Dottie.
I know you do, even though you say you don't.
I hear you crying at nights after we're in bed.
Dottie, I don't want you to have to marry anybody just because you want a new roof or you want me to go to school or... you want to get Billie's teeth straightened or anything.
Honestly, even if we have to live in a trailer for the rest of our lives.
It would be wonderful, honest it would.
It doesn't cost much to live in a trailer and... we could travel for months and months and... eat hamburgers and...
Buzz...
I think the two of you are mad.
Absolutely mad.
It's the craziest, silliest, most ridiculous, senseless thing I've ever heard of in my whole life.
But I love you for it.
There's a road that leads to happiness
I know we can find it.
Although it's full of hills and spills darling, we won't mind it.
I got you, you got me who cares how rough the road may be
We'll go bumpty, bumpty, bumpty bump on the bumpy road to love.
Side by side, we'll go far, who cares how many bumps there are
We'll go bumpty, bumpty, bumpty bump on the bumpy road to love.
Remember this when anything goes wrong
Remember this, we'll merrily roll along.
We'll get rich or we won't
Who cares whether we do or don't
We'll go bumpty, bumpty, bumpty bump on the bumpy road to love.
Let's all join in and sing this tune
Dottie, Buzz, and Daniel Boone
We'll go bumpty, bump, bumpty bump on the bumpy road to love.
Hi-ho, what do we care
We're on our way but we don't know where
We'll go bumpty, bumpty, bumpty bump on the bumpy road to love.
We'll never need silver linings for we'll never ever have a cloud
Give three cheers for four musketeers...
Only four?
Just four.
Just four?
No more.
For five would be a crowd, yes!
Rah-rah-rah.
Sis-boom-ba
Hey diddle-diddle And Ooh-la-la.
We'll go bumpty-bump, bumpty-bump we'll go bumpty, bumpty, bumpty bump on the bumpy road to love.
Hail, hail, the gang's all here
Our home sweet home is in the rear
Bumpty, bumpty, bumpty bump on the bumpy road to love.
I got a long one, I got a long one!
So did I. Well, it looks like you and I will have to wash the dishes, Buzz.
Gosh, this is the third time in a row for me.
Oh, that's too bad.
Pinkie, you take Billie and run back to that farmhouse we passed this evening and see if you can get some milk for breakfast.
Okay.
Come on, Bill.
Pretty soon we'll be back in Manson, Buzz.
With the same problems to face that we left behind.
Some things are rather hard for a woman to face all alone, Buzz.
I wish you'd give me some advice.
Well, that's what I'm here for, Dottie.
That's my business.
It's about Pinkie. 
I had no idea she felt so strongly about certain things.
I can hardly talk to her when she's so upset.
It's like pulling teeth sometimes to get her to listen to reason.
But you understand her so well, Buzz.
I thought you might help me with her.
I...
I don't quite understand this terrible dislike she has for poor Mr Drubbs.
That's only because she doesn't want you to marry anybody that you don't like, Dottie.
But I do like him, Buzz.
He's a very kind, unselfish man.
You mean you really want to marry him?
I'm going to marry him, Buzz.
Gee.
Then you really love him after all, huh?
Well, you see, Buzz, there are many different kinds of love.
It wouldn't be the same kind of love I had for their father, Buzz.
That was wonderful.
But I'm older now.
A woman wants to keep her home around her children, have someone help her with problems she can't face alone.
Daddy was so happy-go-lucky he wouldn't worry a moment about the future.
He didn't even believe in insurance.
But everyone believes in insurance.
He didn't.
He thought everyone should get as much fun out of money as possible.
Just going on from day to day.
But that's sheer lack of foresight, Dottie.
Why, even I saved up $7.50.
Exactly, Buzz.
You can see I'm doing the right thing, Buzz.
From a completely unprejudiced viewpoint, Dottie,
I'd say you were doing absolutely the right thing.
Then if you could only make Pinkie see it.
Pinkie just needs handling.
Ixnay, ixnay, attunday Oh...
Hello, Pinkie.
Where's the milk?
Yeah, didn't you get the milk, Pinkie?
We got it all right, we almost had it home till mister smarty Buffalo Bill Wingate started to play Pony Express with it.
If she'd given me the milk bucket I wouldn't have had to grab it from her, would I?
I she hadn't of hung on to it when I came galloping past...
It's all right, Billie.
Only I'm afraid we won't have your flapjacks for breakfast.
Aw, Dottie! 
Gee, no flapjacks?
Now look what you went and done.
Buzz.
Buzz, wake up.
Buzz, it's me, Pinkie.
What is it?
I gotta talk to you.
Are you sick?
Shh... no.
I just got a question I had to ask you.
Come here.
For Pete's sake. 
Why can't you keep your questions till morning?
Instead of waking a man from a good night's sleep.
I just had to.
I just couldn't sleep.
I kept wondering.
Was Dottie talking to you about Drubbs when you were washing the dishes?
Now listen, Why do you wanna go jumping to conclusions for?
Listen, she didn't say a thing.
She was.
I can tell by the way you say she wasn't.
Oh, Buzz, she isn't still gonna marry him, is she?
Pinkie, listen.
Suppose she wanted to marry him.
But she couldn't.
She couldn't love anybody but Daddy.
That's all you know.
Well, not in the same way, maybe, but...
You're not taking into consideration all those other kinds of love.
What other kinds?
Well... when people get older... naturally they want to keep a home for their children, have peace and not have burdens on their shoulders.
If a guy comes along and wanted to help those children, naturally she'd have to love him in a way, wouldn't she?
Particularly if he carried good insurance.
Maybe, but...
I don't know how you could do better than Drubbs in the whole town of Manson.
If we aren't dumb.
I see plenty of other guys.
Guys both of you would like.
You know very well the only men in town that aren't married are old Mr Grant, Mr Farnswick and the barber.
Who said anything about in town?
We're out on the open road now.
We can meet anyone out here.
Up to the President of the United States.
What good would that do?
He's married.
Listen, if I found one that wasn't married and that was rich and everything and that both you and Dottie were crazy about... well, you'd like him better than Drubbs, wouldn't you?
I'd like anybody better than Drubbs.
Well, she'll go back and marry him for sure unless we find the right guy.
I'm gonna start out tomorrow and find him.
But, Buzz, people just don't go out and find husbands.
For the sole and only reason that they haven't the initiative, that's why.
Boy, I bet I can find one that'll make old Drubbs look sick.
Boy, I bet this is the solution to the whole darn thing.
Once and for all.
Listen, you know what we're gonna do?
We're gonna wake up good and early in the morning and hit the old road.
Isn't it beautiful, Buzz?
You know, I could settle down here and spend the rest of our time right in this very spot.
Oh, gosh, Dottie, no.
We gotta get out on that open road and see what the country has to offer.
I mean, Pinkie and I were saying just last night that we couldn't get started early enough this morning.
For a girl who couldn't get started early enough,
Pinkie is taking a long time getting dressed.
Hurry up, darling.
Buzz wants to get started.
I don't see what all the rush is about anyway.
You can't sit up half the night and...
But you got to bed at 9 o'clock.
Gosh, you must have been dreaming, Pinkie.
Yes, I guess I was.
When did that trailer get here?
Oh, it drove in early this morning.
Breakfast is almost ready, dear.
You help Buzz with the table.
For Pete's sakes. 
Don't go giving things away the minute I think of them.
It all looks kind of crazy in the daylight, anyway.
Is it as crazy as Drubbs?
No.
All right, then.
We gotta get started with this thing right after breakfast.
Pinkie, is the salt on the table?
No, it must be in the cupboard, Dottie.
I can't find it anywhere.
Oh, Billie has it.
He went out to catch some birds.
Find him, Pinkie. 
I want Buzz to help me.
Oh, he's always going off and I have to chase after him...
Buzz, I need that salt right away.
Run over to that other trailer and ask them if they'll lend us some, will you, dear?
Okay, Dottie.
Hey, is anybody in here?
Get away from that tent flap.
What do you want?
Some salt.
Are you sure that flap's down?
Yeah, yeah, sure.
All right, whoever you are, the salt is in a can in front of you on a shelf as you come in that door.
Take the whole can, but watch that flap on the way out.
For the love of heaven, watch that flap.
Okay, I will, okay.
Close the door!
Shut it quick!
Holy smoke!
All he said was, "Watch that flap".
Hey, hold it.
You haven't used this stuff, have you?
Yes, but I don't think I'll use the eggs.
I don't like potassium bromide on eggs.
Thank heaven you knew what it was.
Luckily my husband used to use it for photography.
Really?
Although he never found it very satisfactory.
Is that so? 
Well, I find it quite satisfactory whenever I use it.
Maybe he used the wrong proportions.
Perhaps he didn't keep the plates cold enough.
Now, I keep my plates in a specially built refrigerator, you see, and...
I'm sorry, there I go again.
I almost poisoned you, but don't let me bore you to death.
Say, this is quite a trailer you've got here.
What's that?
Oh, that's for the water.
How do you work it?
That works like a tap pump.
You push this down... and that builds up the pressure in the tank there... forces water along and then you turn the fawcet.
Don't they think of the screwiest gadgets...
It was an invention of my husband's.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Not at all. 
It is a bit complicated.
Rather ingenious, though.
This must be rather an early vintage, isn't it?
Pioneer.
I'd like to show you a few improvements that I've devised for mine to conserve space.
Would you care to step over and see?
Come on, Dottie, let's.
Well, as long as we can't eat the eggs.
That is a shame.
I've got a half a dozen over there you can have and I'll give you some real salt.
All right.
After you, lad.
Hey, look out.
Wow, you need some ballast for that.
I want you to see this.
I'm rather proud of this one.
My shower.
How very handy.
And very practical, too.
Hot and cold running water and here is the water for the sink.
That is a convenience.
I've never seen anything like it.
How do you like it, lad?
Oh, what's that?
That won't bite you, now.
That is my robot refrigerator unit.
That's wonderful.
Here are the eggs.
Oh, I really couldn't.
You must, now take it.
And here's some real salt.
Thank you so much, and sorry for being such a bother.
No bother at all.
Come on, Buzz.
In just a minute.
All right.
That's a very lovely mother you have there.
Dottie's Pinkie's.
Huh?
She's very nice, too.
Yes, I'm sure.
My, this place must have cost quite a lot, eh?
It did.
Is that where your family sleep?
No, I haven't a family.
That's my darkroom for photography.
A fellow I know in Manson does a lot of photography.
Really?
Good money in it since this magazine boom, eh?
Yes, there seems to be.
Is this your work?
Hm-hmm.
Very pretty.
Isn't she?
It's...
It's nice to be able to take pictures of your loved ones, isn't it?
Yeah, but that's a professional model.
Oh.
Got any pictures of the girl you're engaged to?
No, I'm sorry to say I haven't.
And you know, I...
I hate to confess this to you, with your romantic nature... but I'm not engaged to a soul.
Oh, that's all right.
That's fine.
You're not a woman hater, are you?
Do I look like one?
Oh, no, I just thought I'd ask.
Seeing that there's so much talk about women, pro and con...
Oh, yes, of course.
Now, personally...
I think there's nothing like married life.
Have you been married a long time?
Huh?
I just mean, since I've been around Dottie.
Mrs Wingate, there.
Oh, yes, I understand.
I can see all I miss.
It's just Uncle Joe in the gas station.
You own a home of your own somewheres?
No, I regret to say that I just lease a New York apartment.
They cost plenty, don't they?
Yes, plenty.
Still, I guess with the photography boom money's a small item.
I bet I couldn't begin to guess the amount of money you've made out of photography in, say, the last year.
Are you thinking of taking it up?
Well, if you can make it hand over fist like you're doing.
I mean, if you'd just give me a rough idea...
I haven't made a red cent out of photography. 
It's just a hobby with me.
Oh, hobby, eh?
Hm-hmm.
Expensive hobby.
Somewhat.
Your real work must be something then.
Say, would it disillusion you terribly to learn that I practice law?
Law?
Now wait a minute, don't take it so much to heart.
I'm liable to make a dollar or two out of this thing...
I think it's wonderful you're a lawyer, I think it's simply swell.
Then everything's all right.
Say, will you tell me something?
Sure, anything.
Never in all my life have I had such concentrated and flattering interest in my romantic, professional and financial affairs.
What is it that fascinates you so?
Huh?
Well, gosh, it's natural, isn't it?
Considering that I'm sort of practicing law myself.
I mean, practicing practicing.
Oh, then that accounts for the cross-examination.
All the time I've been thinking you were a detective and instead of that you're a great legal mind.
You really think I've got talent?
Genius, positive genius.
Boy, thanks.
Gee.
Well, I guess I oughta be getting back.
Dottie'll be waiting. 
Dottie's so swell I wouldn't want her to worry.
That wouldn't do.
Well...
Why don't you come over to dinner and taste her cooking?
Thank you.
Well...
I've never enjoyed meeting anyone so much in all my life.
The pleasure's been mine.
Well...
See you later.
I hope so.
See you later.
Be back about the dinner.
I know. 
Watch your head there on your way out.
Bye.
Good bye.
Now, where under the sun could we find such a beautiful spot again, Dottie?
Let's stay here.
But you just said you and Pinkie...
After all it's your holiday and one place is as good as another to us.
Except this one is better even.
Well, all right, Buzz.
Gee, I think that guy is swell, don't you, Dottie?
Yes, he's very nice.
I didn't think anyone could be as enthusiastic about his trailer as Daddy was.
And those inventions.
He's a lawyer, too.
Oh, that's what kept you over there so long, huh?
Look, Dottie...
If you invited him over to dinner we could talk over some more...
Hey, for Pete's sakes...
Gosh, he's going.
Hey, you aren't going, are you?
Yep. 
Good luck to you.
Hope to see you along the road.
Dottie, we gotta get out of here, too, quick.
Buzz, just because he's a lawyer doesn't mean you can pursue the poor man the way you did Mr Fleming.
But he said I was a genius, Dottie.
Dottie, it's a matter of life and death to me.
Listen, Dottie. 
Please, please...
You'll never regret it.
If it means so much to you, all right.
Shame on you, Billie, you bad boy...
What in the world?
That famous old beaver trapper,
Mister smarty Bill Wingate fell into a beaver trap...
Stop, stop children.
Get those clothes off immediately.
Come on in.
Yeah, hurry, we gotta get started.
I found him!
I tell you, I found him!
Huh? 
Who, the beaver?
Well, let me tell you, Buzz Mitchell, that beaver is mine.
And if you don't believe me, just wait until you see him.
Everything. 
He invents things like your father, he's a lawyer and...
Gee, that'll be swell for me.
He said I was a genius and...
Gosh...
I didn't find out if he had any insurance.
Oh, well, I can ask him as soon as we find him.
We've been going for hours and we haven't found him yet.
But I don't care if we never find him.
And what's more, Buss Mitchell, I think the whole idea is silly.
Pinkie Wingate, I'm fed up.
I wash my hands of the whole affair right here and now.
She can go back and marry Drubbs.
And if I ever here another word on this subject, I...
Pinkie, look!
It's him!
Oh, boy, it's him.
Where are you going?
Where are you going?
Nowhere.
Send him back, Pinkie, or he'll spoil everything.
I wanna go, too.
Billie, why don't you go hunt some beavers?
I'm tired of beavers.
There's a new kind of beaver in these woods.
They got stripes on them.
Striped beavers?
Sure.
They're gonna build a new dam, too.
It's right over there in those woods.
Oh, boy!
Hey, hey, wait a minute.
What's the matter?
Whatever you do, don't shoot now.
Why?
Skunks.
They are not. 
They're beavers.
Shhh.
Do beavers have stripes on their tails?
Striped ones do.
But there's no such thing as striped beaver.
There is, too. 
I saw one yesterday.
I'm gonna get my mother a striped beaver coat.
Look, wait a minute now...
You wouldn't want anybody to shoot your mother, would you?
What?
How would you like it if they wanted to make a fur coat out of her?
They couldn't.
I know they couldn't.
Suppose they could, you'd feel pretty bad, wouldn't you?
Now look, you see that skunk there?
That's the little skunk's mother.
The little skunk doesn't want his mother shot any more than you do.
I'm gonna shoot him anyway.
Hold it, wait a minute till I get out of the way.
I got him! 
I got him!
It was a skunk. 
It was a skunk.
It smells awful.
Well, it serves you right, you little...
You ruined my photograph and... now you fixed it so I can't get near my camera.
You get that camera.
It smells to high heaven but it can't hurt you any more
Go on, get it, or I'll...
Get that camera.
Both hands, you idiot.
I gotta hold my nose, don't I?
All right, hold your nose.
But stay back there till I tell you what to do. 
Now, listen, stay there!
Now listen to me. 
Carry that camera carefully and follow me.
But keep your distance.
Come on, now.
Watch it.
Don't come too close to me.
Easy with that camera, now.
That's right, my mother lives there.
All right, you stay there and I'll get your mother.
But I want my mother.
Hey, don't touch it, you've done enough damage already.
Madam, will you come out here and get this menace.
What?
Oh...
Is he yours?
Billie, what in the world?
Get back! 
He shot a skunk.
Oh, dear, stay back, Billie, stay back!
Now you stay back, my young lad...
Stop!
There's no need of terrifying him.
Me terrify him, after the mental torture he put me through?
I wasn't going to hurt him, but a good old-fashioned licking would do him a lot of good.
I think you're making a great deal of fuss about a little accident.
Accident?
Well, naturally Billie wouldn't want to hit a skunk.
Will you pardon me if I contradict you?
He insisted on hitting a skunk.
I stood out there after he'd ruined a photograph I spent hours setting up arguing with him, pleading with him, begging him to realize it was a skunk and not a beaver he was shooting at.
I even appealed to his love for his mother.
I'm glad I provided you with so much amusement.
Well!
Gee, I'm glad you're back.
The handle came off and we can't get the water to stop.
I think it's getting flooded in there.
Give me that handle.
Say, I meant to ask you.
Have you got any insurance?
I have not.
But if it's insurance against other people's kids believe me I'm gonna get some.
Now get out of here.
Come on, get out, quick!
I thought you said he was nice.
Go on, hurry up.
I thought you said he was nice.
Well...
I didn't know it would turn out like that.
What's the use of trying.
First you think you have someone, then, plop, you gotta drop it.
I should hope we would.
Buzz...
Skunk.
How can I get him to bury his clothes if I can't even get close to him?
Listen, Buzz.
There comes a time in every man's life when he's got to figure things out for himself.
Oh, Pinkie, that man over there was so funny.
Oh, Dottie, you look beautiful when you laugh.
Beautiful.
The grave's almost ready, Pinkie.
Loosen up on the rope.
Okay, Billie, get them off.
No!
But, Billie, you promised Dottie you'd bury it.
Not my Daniel Boone suit.
Now, listen, Billie, if you don't get those clothes off and bury them this minute
I'll come over and rip them off you.
If you touch him, you'll have to bury your own clothes.
Shhh.
Okay, Buzz.
Come on, Buzz, what's the matter?
Are you scared?
Oh, Billie, please, you can't do anything but bury it.
Yes, I can. 
I wanna kiss you, Pinkie.
I wanna hug and kiss you.
I love you so much I wanna kiss you.
Keep back!
Stay away, Billie!
Keep back!
Now listen, Billie...
Be reasonable.
You gotta bury it so the smell will go.
It'll still smell in the ground, won't it?
No. 
On account of the salt in the ground keeps the smell out of it.
There isn't any salt in the ground.
Sure there is.
Pepper, too?
Sure, all kinds of minerals.
Now, come on, Billie, old boy.
Take 'em off. 
Be a good scout.
I'm not gonna take them off and nobody can make me.
Listen, you want us to bury you in them?
You can't.
Oh, yes we can, if you won't take them off.
Buzz!
Now, look.
The salt will take the smell out of him at the same time, wouldn't it?
All we'd have to do would be to put a lot of old dirt over him and by morning...
I don't wanna be buried!
You can't bury me, you can't...
I got him!
You can't bury it!
You can't bury me either!
You can't bury it!
You can't bury me!
You cant' bury me and I won't bury myself.
We will if you don't bury them.
No!
You've got a choice. 
You bury them right away or we'll bury you.
Abercrombie, we'd better look into this.
We'll all starve. 
Even your only sister.
Well, well. 
You seemed to have struck a bit of an impasse.
Maybe I can help.
We can't make him take it off.
Dottie says we can't come home till he does 'cause it smells so terrible.
It is not. 
They don't smell bad to me anymore.
For Pete's sakes, do you wanna grow up and smell like that way all your life and have everybody hate you?
Pardon me, you haven't another one of those, have you?
I'm sorry, sir, I haven't.
I don't care, I'm not gonna bury my only Daniel Boone suit.
I bet you Daniel Boone would be surprised to hear you say that.
Why?
Why, he couldn't bury his clothes fast enough when he met a skunk.
Did he meet a skunk, too?
Many times. 
And he was always the first one in the crowd to take his clothes off.
What crowd?
Oh, hunters and trappers.
Do you know that once several hundred of them all met a skunk at the same time.
And before the rest of them could take their caps off
Boone's whole outfit was off and buried in the ground.
What did he wear home?
Well, he um...
A bathrobe. 
He always had one handy.
And then he'd jump into a briny salt bath until the last trace was gone.
Oh, he was a smart fellow, Boone.
But he had other suits.
Well, suppose you had another suit.
Suppose I had a suit you could wear?
Your suit wouldn't fit me.
But suppose I had a suit that would fit you.
A Daniel Boone suit?
Oh, a much better suit than that.
A Chief Bald Eagle outfit.
You know, Boone always used to borrow Bald Eagle's outfit every chance he got so that he could skulk around among the unfriendly Indians in disguise.
Gosh, I'd like to do that.
Then let's see how long it'll take you to get out of those clothes.
Because, you know, Boone could get out of his suit in, oh, a half a minute.
If he could do that, I bet you could get out of yours in a minute at least.
Then we'll go up to the house and have something to eat...
Boy, I bet I can do it in a half a minute, too.
I bet I can do it in a quarter of a minute.
Untie me, untie me...
Oh.
May I come in?
Please do.
I don't know what to say, I...
I wanted to send you some flowers but there's no place around here you can get them.
What?
I mean, blowing up the way I did this afternoon.
Oh, you were perfectly justified.
I shouldn't have laughed.
You should have laughed, anyone should have laughed.
I don't know why I acted that way, really.
It doesn't mean anything and... afterwards I feel like a skunk.
Well, I really do feel like one, so that gives you a rough idea.
Please don't even think about it again.
I think I scared the daylights out of those kids and I probably should apologize to them too.
They're out burying the Daniel Boone suit.
There was quite an argument, but I won.
You have no idea how trying they can be sometimes.
You don't think so?
I guess you have at that.
I can't say that it wasn't a distinct shock when I learned that Daniel Boone belonged to you.
I don't mean that he isn't grand youngster, they're all swell kids, but...
I imagine your husband has a lot of fun with them.
Oh, he did.
Oh...
That oldest boy really has a remarkable mind.
Oh, Buzz is a friend of Pinkie's, but he might as well be mine, too.
He is bright.
Bright is hardly the word.
You know that kid put me through a cross-examination that hasn't been equaled since Darrow.
The little girl is your daughter, isn't she?
Yes, she's a darling.
You have no idea the help she has been to me.
It must be quite a problem bringing up three kiddies all alone.
It is.
Isn't it remarkable the difference there can be in odors?
Mmm. that smells wonderful.
I had to barter a bit for the Boone suit.
They're crazy about strawberry shortcake.
Who isn't? 
It's my favorite dessert.
You know, I had an aunt once that made strawberry shortcake that just melted in your mouth.
I couldn't wait to get over there for dinner.
You don't get good home cooking these days.
At least I don't.
Would you care to stay for dinner?
Oh, no, I couldn't possibly.
What do you think I'm hinting at?
Believe me, if I were in his position, I'd certainly believe in plenty of insurance.
You're a lad off to Mr Slattery's heart.
He believes in it fervently.
In fact, he's the president of the United Commercial Fund Insurance Company.
He is?
You mean the one on the calendar?
Gee. 
Say, is Mr Slattery mar....
Er... it... must be quite a comfort to Mrs Slattery to know that Mr Slattery believes so in insurance.
Perhaps it was.
But Mrs Slattery died several years ago.
She did, boy!
I mean, what a pity...
Not only that, but she's the best cook in Manson.
Why, her strawberry shortcake alone is the talk of the town.
And when she makes potato pancakes, oh...
You know, one time she had a fellow in for dinner and she had made one of those beautiful...
I'm all through, chief. 
I'm going hunting.
You cleaned your plate, huh?
Okay.
I got him, I got him!
Full of the old nick, eh?
I was just like him when I was a kid myself.
Gee, I'd give a lot for a youngster like him.
Well, I bet Billie would give a lot for a father like you.
Say, Chief, you know, I think I'll have to ask your mother to let me adopt you.
Mrs Wingate?
Yes?
About your children.
The children? 
What's happened?
Oh, they're quite safe.
Mr Slattery wishes me to inform you...
Mr Slattery?
Yes, the first house off the highway on the left.
He sent me to tell you that the older children have had their dinner and that master Billie has been de-skunked.
Hooray!
Poor man.
He requests as his payment the right to keep them for another hour.
With your permission, of course.
Why, certainly. 
And will you thank your Mr Slattery for me and tell him I'll come up and get them.
We'll come up and get them, after we've had our dinner.
Very good, sir.
Baking a cake, madam?
Strawberry shortcake.
We'll bring you a piece.
Thank you, sir. 
I'll await you with great anticipation.
With great anticipation.
Yes, indeed...
My great anticipation is for this dinner.
Come on.
But even Buzz never got away with an entire shortcake in one sitting.
Now, wait a minute. 
I left one piece.
I think I showed admirable restraint.
Wee, what a rain.
Yeah.
Something you intended having fixed, no doubt.
Oh, I thought I'd mended that.
You better move over here.
That doesn't do any good... here... take my hat.
No, on your head.
Oh.
Oh, boy, what a day.
From skunks to storms to the Wingates.
We have given you a time.
Nonsense, I love it.
This is the kind of a thing I go out to look for.
When business gets too serious, I lock the office and lie out.
But doesn't your practice suffer?
Let it suffer. 
I don't.
I've got a theory that the only way to get any fun out of life is to live from day to day.
What are you laughing at?
Nothing, you just remind me of someone, that's all.
Don't you agree with me?
No, I never worry, I...
Hey, what's the matter here?
Sounds though this gas line were plugged.
You couldn't be out of gas?
No, I just filled it up this...
Wait a minute. 
Was that yesterday?
Anyway, we don't have to worry, I've got a special...
Reserve tank you put in yourself?
How did you know that?
You see, I just turn this button and presto, the tank refills.
Funny.
Must be something wrong with that pipe.
It couldn't be possible that the emergency tank is empty, too?
Of course not.
What do you suppose I have it for?
No, there's something wrong with it.
Would you mind getting up for a minute?
It's under the seat.
What do you know about that?
I bet you don't carry insurance either.
No, I don't. 
I don't believe in it.
What?
Say, does your family sell insurance?
Of course not, why?
Hey, here comes a car.
Hey, we're out of gas.
Wee! 
Did you get wet?
Wet and I got a mouthful.
Well, that's that.
You wait here and I'll run up the road and see if we can get some help.
I will not.
What else is there to do?
We'll go up and find the good Samaritan that's keeping my children.
In this storm?
Why not? 
I love it.
Well, I'll eat my hat.
Not till I get through with it.
I guess I won't. 
You know, I didn't know there were women like you.
Come on, then, let's go.
Come on, now, skunk in the woods, you aren't afraid of a little thunder.
I want my mother.
I tell you what you do.
Come on, sit on my lap.
He's gonna cram the whole thing.
You got to, Pinkie.
Not here, Buzz.
Oh, go on.
All right.
A chief like you couldn't be afraid of a little thunder, that's foolish...
Mr Slattery...
I know how to take care of him.
All right.
Now, look, Billie, Dottie's gonna be here in a minute.
Sit here.
Did you ever wonder why in thunder, thunder comes in spring.
Once upon a time, it seems, all the world was wrapped in dreams.
playful little fellas, so they tell us, said let's have our fling.
Spring is in the air, you know.
It's time to wake 'em up below
So... when the thunder starts to thunder don't run home and cry
They're playing ten-pins in the sky.
Little fellas way up yonder make the raindrops fly while rolling', bowling' ten-pins in the sky.
The world will wear a new bonnet daffodils on it, thanks to the skies above.
Thunder and showers wake up the flowers
Where there are flowers there must be love
So, laugh at raindrops, laugh at thunder, clouds will soon roll by.
They're playing ten-pins in the sky!
Come on.
Wee, I must look a sight.
Well, a bit on the drowned-raft side.
Not an unattractice raft, though.
That's not exactly the loveliest compliment I ever had, but...
Oh, Mrs Wingate, come in.
Do let me take those wet things.
The children are in there, in the den.
Won't you go right in?
Thank you.
Oh, say. 
I almost forgot.
Not quite as fresh as it was, but a promise is a promise.
Oh, the strawberry shortcake.
Dottie! 
Mommy.
Billie, hello baby.
Oh, don't you smell sweet.
Hello, darling.
Well, Mrs Wingate.
Mr Slattery?
I want to thank you so much.
It's a shame you had to have this infliction.
And I'm sorry to be so late.
Oh, not at all. 
I loved every moment of it.
In fact, I've just been pleading with the chief here to adopt me.
That is, provided you have no objection.
I think that would be lovely.
Well, good evening.
Come in, Mr Wingate.
Mr Thurlow, Mr Slattery.
I'm so sorry. 
Naturally I thought...
Naturally nobody but a husband would make a lady suffer as I have Mrs Wingate.
Do you know I succeeded in running out of gas in this storm?
Special reserve gas, darlings.
So don't be too hard on her, kitties.
You're both drenched.
I believe I can help you dry out.
Look at her, Buzz...
Who was to know he'd have to come?
Oh... when the thunder starts to thunder don't run home and cry.
They're playing ten-pins in the sky.
Shhh. 
You'll wake the chief.
Little fellas way up yonder make the raindrops fly while rolling', bowling' ten-pins in the sky.
Come on, darling.
The world will wear a new bonnet "daffydils" on it, daffydils...
Here we are.
Look what the water did.
Look at the stream. 
Look.
Atta boy. 
Watch your step.
How are we gonna get across?
Let's go swimming.
It's all bogged up, so you might have to help the ladies out of there.
Be careful, honey. 
Don't drop him.
Take it easy.
Hey, wait a minute.
Come on, Billie, I think you better go to bed, it's awful late.
I can make it.
No, no, I got a better idea than that.
There we are.
You hang on tight.
There we are.
Well, aren't you going to put me down?
I am not, because the minute I do you're gonna vanish into that trailer.
Look, I'll tell you what I'll do with you. 
I'll make a bargain.
You give me five minutes more of the swellest day of my life and okay.
All right.
It has been a swell day.
You know, I didn't think it was possible.
What?
To find somebody else who thinks the open roads, skies and love of life is the only one to live.
Madam, it's wonderful, it's like walking on stars.
Are you always like this?
Always.
But don't you ever come down to earth?
Never. 
Why should I?
Well, after all, you must have certain responsibilities.
I haven't any responsibilities, and what's more, I'm never gonna have any.
Look. 
My father was a very responsible man.
He worried himself into his grave.
So I made up my mind that I'd always have freedom.
Oh.
Well, it's wonderful if you can live that way.
I really must go.
Did you get Billie to bed, dear?
Yes, mother.
Well, good night.
Good night.
Good night, my princess.
Sweet dreams to you.
Thank you.
I think he's nice, don't you, Dottie?
When thunder starts to thunder don't run home to cry...
They're playing ten-pins in the sky...
He has a lovely voice, hasn't he?
Little fellas, way up yonder... make the raindrops fly...
Gee, mother...
If we could just go on like we did tonight... it would be just like...
Well, like it used to be.
When you used to laugh all the time.
It would be just like one of the family... well, if it were someone we liked and...
He's putting out his light.
Look, Dottie.
It's time for us to put out ours, dear.
Get into bed.
What a big help you turned out to be last night.
We found the only man in the world that owns an insurance company and likes Billie both and then you go on and encourage that...
that Thurlow.
Listen, I can't stand any more of this shilly-shallying.
You've gotta make up your mind right here and now which one she's gonna marry.
She cried last night, Buzz.
What? 
She couldn't.
Worse than at home and almost all night.
But she was having the time of her life.
There's no reason in the world for her to cry.
Aw, she couldn't.
Buzz, you don't always have to have a reason to cry.
I've cried lots of times just because I felt funny inside.
Oh, talk sense, Pinkie.
Something happened to make you feel that way, didn't it?
Somebody was mean to you, or you didn't like somebody.
That's all you know.
Lots of times girls cry because they do like somebody.
Cry because they like somebody?
And if you ask me, it sounded like that kind of crying last night.
Oh, what nonsense.
How does that kind of crying sound?
Louder?
It's just different.
You know, I thought she did.
But then, when she cried, I didn't know.
But if that is why, she must love him even more than I thought.
What are you talking about?
Mr Thurlow.
Buzz, if she married him, she'd be happy just like she used to be and...
By God, Pinkie, if that's all the attention you pay to what I think.
I should think you'd have a little more regard for your own mother.
You heard him yourself last night.
He's the most improvident...
Daddy was too, maybe, but she loved him.
Yes, and she doesn't want any more of that kind of love either.
Buzz!
She told me that herself.
For Pete's sakes, Pinkie, you've gotta get it into your head that that kind of thing is all right when you're young and you haven't got any kids on your hands.
Oh...
When you have kids you've gotta be practical.
Now, Mr Slattery, now there is a...
Come in.
Madam, your humble servant.
A little token I ran up myself.
Thank you.
And I'm here to report that Mr Slattery's car is waiting.
Now, I suggest that you bundle off your offspring and we'll follow them in my rescued chariot.
Of course, I don't promise to get you home at all today but I do guarantee you just as much fun as yesterday.
Maybe it wasn't so much fun for you after all, eh?
I'm not going to Mr Slattery's with you.
Oh, come, come. 
I didn't disgrace you that much.
Maybe I shouldn't have said to him what I did about his insurance company...
We're going back home.
Huh?
No, no.
I don't understand. 
But why?
I'm just going home, that's all.
You didn't expect me to stay here forever, did you?
No, but wait, last night...
Look, if you think I'm going to let you get away now, you're crazy.
Anyway, you can't pack up like this and go running off without some reason.
But I have a reason.
I'm going to be married.
You?
Oh, no, you mean you're going to go back and settle down and play bridge with banker's wife somewhere?
I'm going to be the banker's wife.
What?
What's so dreadful about that?
It's just what I want.
Oh, I guess it's none of my business, but...
I don't know, you seem the only woman I ever met that well... free is the only word for it.
Guess I must be crazy.
But I'm not. 
Look, you can't make me believe that you want to be anything else but free,
I know because you love the same things I do.
All right, supposing I do.
Supposing I do love your up in the clouds, crazy, irresponsible sort of life.
But I hate it, too. 
I hate it because my children are paying for it.
It's all right for you to talk about being free. 
You haven't children.
I have and I tell you it's different.
As long as they're dependent on me, all I want is security.
I know, but, my dear, look, if you...
Don't talk, there's nothing to be said.
Just, please go and leave me alone.
Very well.
Dottie.
Oh...
Tell Buzz to pack, Pinkie. 
We're going home.
And tell Mr Slattery's driver we're sorry.
But, Dottie.
Do you hear me?
Would you please tell Mr Slattery we're very sorry but we've got to go home.
Yes, Miss.
Aw, gee, I don't wanna go home.
Well, you've got to.
Go tell Buzz and help him pack.
All right.
Hey! 
Hey, wait!
Wait just a minute!
Well, well, Pinkie.
I thought you weren't coming.
We aren't. 
We're leaving right away.
That's why I had to come.
You see...
I'm glad you did.
Was there anything you wanted?
Well...
Mr Slattery, did you mean what you said last night?
Because if you did... well, you'd need to have somebody to take care of him anyway and I know him better than anybody.
I wouldn't be any bother and... if you could just take me, too
I'd do anything, honestly I would.
Look...
Let's sit down.
I don't think I understand exactly what you're trying to say.
Well...
I mean about Billie.
Hmm.
You remember last night you said you'd give anything if you had him yourself?
Yeah.
Well, I thought if you were going to adopt him, you could...
I mean, if you meant it, you could...
I guess it's all kind of crazy.
I shouldn't have come.
No, no, no, no.
You tell me all about it.
No, I have to go because they'll be waiting for me.
Wait a moment.
Why, darling, you're trembling.
Oh, come on, tell me what's wrong.
I don't know everything, I guess.
You see, I thought if I could explain to Dottie that we'd all be happier if she would be.
And she would.
A person oughta marry somebody they're gonna be happy with, shouldn't they?
Not just somebody because they have children.
She'd never be happy if she went back and married Mr Drubbs.
Look how happy she was last night.
Yeah.
I bet she'd always be happy with Mr Thurlow.
Even if he doesn't carry insurance, because she doesn't care about those things for herself.
It's only on account of us.
And if we were out of the way.
Somebody's gotta do something before it's too late.
And if we can't...
I just wish I'd never been born.
Oh, shh... now, Pinkie.
Everything's gonna be all right.
Here, darling.
Thank you.
Look, Pinkie...
I've always wanted children.
And I did mean what I said about Billie.
More than that.
I'd give a whole lot to have a daughter like you, but...
Mothers are pretty good, Pinkie.
Your mother loves you both so much more than she could love anyone else.
She'd never be happy without you and Billie.
Why, you're her whole world.
And don't think for one moment it isn't more important to her to keep you all together than... well, than anything.
So, if I were you, darling...
I'd trust her.
She knows what's best.
And no matter where she goes, I'd go with her.
And help her and try to show her how happy I was.
Hey!
Wait a minute.
Did the Wingates go?
Yeah, they've gone all right.
That's too bad.
Just after that poor little kid came all the way up to see me this morning, too.
Well, it's none of my business, but I can't get her out of my mind.
I came down here to tell her mother some things.
If she isn't mighty careful she'll ruin that child's life thinking she's doing the right thing.
You know... you really can't fool kids.
Say, what are you talking about?
Well, Mrs Wingate is going to marry someone she doesn't love.
Ditching someone she does because the fellow is... well, he's improvident.
And Pinkie... now imagine this...
Pinkie thinks that if I adopt her and Billie it will give her mother one more chance for happiness.
Does the fellow sound like a heel to you or what?
Why, any man who wouldn't, or couldn't, or didn't take care of a woman's kids should be left behind.
Hey, look, wait a minute.
Are you telling me that Mrs Wingate is running away from some fellow she loves?
Did Pinkie tell you that? 
Did she?
Yes, yes.
Well, I'll be...
Hey, get out of the way, there.
Hurry up!
Well, we got him started, ol' Chief Vinegar Puss.
Oh, now we've got to stop the Wingates.
Let's get to a phone.
Gee.
Gosh!
It's not us.
But, officer, we weren't speeding.
Gosh, Dottie, we weren't even going 30mph.
What's the trouble, officer?
Is this the Wingate trailer?
Yes, I'm Mrs Wingate.
Just a minute. 
We have a much more serious charge than speeding here.
Gosh.
But, officer, Uncle Joe said that when there's a relation it isn't kidnapping.
That's what your Uncle Joe says.
But, officer, this is ridiculous.
But you just heard him confess, mam.
You can't mean it.
The children only wanted to...
Are these two in on it, too?
No, they kidnapped me, too.
Well, I guess you'll have to tell that to the judge.
You can't mean it.
We didn't want to do anything except get her away from Mr Drubbs.
Listen, we'll get a lawyer, we'll take this...
Hey, wait, we've got a lawyer.
Gee, I'm glad to see you.
You're just in time.
They want to arrest me for kidnapping Dottie.
What?
Say, what's the trouble here, officer?
And who are you?
He's Mr Thurlow, he's my lawyer.
If you're his lawyer, maybe you want to see this.
Well, I'll be...
For the love of...
Gosh.
Think you'd better take them all back and lock them up.
No, I don't think that'll be necessary, officer.
I'll be responsible for them.
That's all, boys.
From now on I'm looking after the Wingate family. 
Come on, Buzz.
In you go, here. 
Atta boy, Billie.
Just a moment.
I'll tell you all about it. 
Listen.
You follow us.
You get in there and get your apron off and get a sweater.
I got you and you got me
Who cares how rough the road may be
We'll go bumpty-bumpty-bumpty-bump on the bumpy road to love.
Subtitles: 
Luís Filipe Bernardes

-What's all this fuss about, Charters?
-Damned if I know.
Ladies and gentlemen, train is uphold and if you wish to stay in my hotel... you will have to register immediately.
Why the deuce didn't he say so in the first place?
How do you do ladies. lt's a great honour to have you with us again.
It's nice to see you, Boris. 
You haven't changed a bit since Friday.
-l see you haven't shaved.
-ls everything ready?
-Everything. I didn't change anything.
-Not even the sheets? 
Lead on.
I didn't expect you to come so quickly.
Our legs gave out. 
We had to do the last lap in a farm cart.
We've company. 
Don't tell me Cook's are running cheap tours here.
-What is it, Boris?
-The havelunch!
-Have a lunch?
-Avalanche, Boris.
In spring you've many avalanches. 
The snow go boom! 
Everything disappears.
Even trains disappear under the avalanche.
But I'm going home tomorrow.
How long before they dig it out?
By morning. lt's lucky you can leave by this train.
How do you say? 
It's a bad wind that blow nowhere no good.
We haven't eaten since dawn.
Serve us some supper, in our rooms.
-l could eat a horse.
-Don't put ideas in his head.
Some chicken, Boris.
And a magnum of champagne.
And make it snappy.
Bandrika may have a dictator but tonight we're painting it red.
Meanwhile we are here cooling our heels. 
What impudence!
-3rd rate country. 
What do you expect?
-l wonder who those women are.
Probably Americans.
Almighty dollar.
We'll have to wait. lf only we hadn't missed that train at Budapest.
But you insisted on standing till they finished their National Anthem...
You must show respect. lf l knew it was going to last 20 minutes... lt's my contention that the Hungarian Rhapsody is not their National Anthem.
-We were the only two standing.
-That's true.
I suppose we shall be in time after all.
That last report was pretty ghastly.
England on the brink.
Newspaper sensationalism. 
The old country's been in tight corners before.
Looks pretty black. 
Even if we leave first thing in the morning... there's still a connection at Basle.
We'll probably be hours.
-That's true.
-Somebody surely can help us.
Sir! 
Do you know what time the train leaves Basle for England?
Really! 
Fellow doesn't speak English.
Here's one leaves Basle, 21 :20.
There is only two single rooms in front, or a double room at the back.
-We'll take the two single rooms.
-Very well, sir.
-You might have asked me.
-A small double room in this place...
You weren't so particular in Paris in Autumn.
That was different.
The Exhibition was at its height.
I realise that.
There's no need to rub it in.
-A private suite with a bath.
-Facing the mountains.
-With a shower.
-Hot and cold.
-And a private thingummy.
-We've only got the maid's room!
-What's this?
-l'm sorry.
-The whole hotel is packed.
-We haven't fixed up yet.
You can't expect the two of us to sleep in the maid's room.
Don't get excited.
I'll move the maid out.
I should think so. 
What?
What are you taking about.
I'll sleep on the train.
-There is no eating in the train.
-No eating?
Heating...
That's awkward.
All right we'll take it.
One condition. 
The maid has to come to your room... to remove her wardrobe.
Anna!
She's a good girl, and I don't want to lose her.
We'd better go and dress.
-Rather primitive humour, I thought.
-Grown up children.
That was an awkward situation, over that girl.
Pity he couldn't have given us one each. I mean a room apiece.
I, Iris Matilda Henderson, a spinster of no particular parish... solemnly renounce my maidenly past and declare that on Thursday 26... I shall take the veil and orange blossom... and change my name to Lady Charles Fotheringail.
-Can't he change his name?
-l only like his moustache.
You're cynics.
I'm very fond of him.
I'm fond of rabbits but they have to be kept down.
Rudolph, give me a hand.
-Do you know that thing called love?
-lt used to be very popular.
The carpet is already laid at St. Georges, Hanover Square... and Father is aching to have a coat of arms on the jam label.
To Iris, and the happy days she's leaving behind.
And the blue blooded cheque chaser she's dashing to London to marry.
The blue blooded cheque chaser.
I've no regrets. I've been everywhere and done everything.
I've eaten caviar at Cannes, sausage rolls at the dogs.
I've played baccarat at Biarritz and darts with the rural dean.
What is there left for me but marriage?
Mustn't lose grip, Charters.
Come in.
-Did you follow that?
-Tell her this has gone far enough.
No...no.
Change... here. 
Outside.
-She doesn't understand.
-No, come on.
-Nothing newer than last month.
-And no wireless set here.
Awful being in the dark like this.
Communications cut off in a crisis.
Hello, hello, London.
You want Mr Seltzer? 
Yes hold on.
I'm going to find where he is.
London!
Go on, risk it.
Hello...
You... in London. 
No, I'm not Mr Seltzer. 
Name's Charters.
I don't suppose you know me. 
Don't worry. 
They've gone to fetch him.
Tell me, what's happening to England?
Blowing a gale? 
No, I'm inquiring about the test match in Manchester.
Cricket, sir. 
Cricket!
You don't know?
You can't be in England and not know the test score.
The fellow says he doesn't know.
Hello, can't you find out?
It won't take a second.
All right, if you won't, you won't.
The fellow's an ignoramus.
Mr Seltzer, at last your call's come through to London.
Hello! 
Hello!
Thank you, waiter.
-What about a grilled steak?
-Good idea.
-Well done for me, please.
-On the red side for me.
These people have a passion for repeating themselves.
I beg your pardon.
He's trying to explain that due to the number of visitors, there's no food.
No food? 
What sort of a place is this?
They expect us to share a dog box... with a servant on an empty stomach?
is that hospitality and organisation?
Thank you.
-l'm hungry.
-No wonder they have revolutions.
You're welcome to the cheese. it's not steak but it's rich in vitamins.
Thank you.
We're not accustomed to catering to so many people.
Bandrika is one of Europe's undiscovered corners.
Perhaps there's nothing to discover.
You may not know it as well as me.
Leaving makes me quite miserable.
-After you with that cheese, please!
-Certainly. 
You're going home?
Tomorrow. 
My charges are grown up.
I'm a governess and a music teacher.
In the 6 years that I've lived here, I've grown to love it.
Especially the mountains. I think that they are like very friendly neighbours.
The father and mother mountains with their white snow hats... and their nephews and nieces, with smaller hats.
Right down to their tiniest hillock without any hat at all.
-Of course, that's just my fancy.
-Really?
I like to watch them from my bedroom every night when there's a moon.
I'm so glad there's a moon tonight.
Do you hear that music?
Everyone sings here. 
The people are just like happy children... with laughter on their lips and music in their hearts.
It's not reflected in their politics.
You shouldn't judge any country by its politics.
We English are quite honest by nature. 
You'll excuse me if I run away?
-Good night, good night.
-Good night.
Queer sort of bird.
-Trifle whimsical, I thought.
-After 6 years, we'd be whimsical.
I don't think so. 
She was very decent about that cheese.
I see she's finished the pickles.
Good night, Iris. 
Listen, someone's serenading.
Let him. 
Nothing will keep me awake tonight. 
Good night.
-What's happening? 
An earthquake?
-That wouldn't account for the music.
-What a noise. 
What can they be doing?
-l don't know but I'll soon find out.
Hello.
Musical country this.
I feel quite sorry for that poor singer outside having to compete with this.
Boris?
Miss Henderson speaking.
Someone upstairs is playing musical chairs with an elephant.
Move one of them out.
I need to sleep.
-That'll settle it.
-Thank you.
Some people have no consideration, which makes life more difficult.
Don't you think?
Good night.
You'll be going back in the morning?
I hope we shall meet again under quieter circumstances.
-Good night.
-Good night.
Miss, please, I'll fix everything.
You'd better.
Hold it.
Splendid, don't move.
-lf you please, sir.
-Get out!
One, two.
Please, sir, will you kindly stop?
They are all complaining in the whole hotel. 
You make too much noise.
-Too much what?
-Too much noise.
You dare to call it noise.
The ancient music... with which your ancestors celebrated every wedd for countless generations.
What they danced when your father married your mother... if you were born in wedlock, which I doubt. 
Look at them.
-You are the manager?
-Sure... I am accustomed to squalor.
Who's complaining?
The young English lady underneath.
Tell her that I am putting on record for the benefit of mankind... one of the lost folk dances of Central Europe... and she does not own the hotel. 
Get out!
Now, one, two...
He said: "ls she the Queen of Sheeba?
She thinks she owns the hotel."
-Can't you get rid of him?
-lmpossible.
Are you sure?
I begin to wonder... lt's coming back to me.
I have got an idea.
The German lady will call him and say:
"lt is my room. I did pay for it.
Get out quickly." How's that?
Good enough.
We will inject him with a little... 
He'll never forget as long as he lives.
Nothing but baseball. 
Children play it with a rubber ball and a stick.
Not a word about cricket.
Americans have no sense of proportion.
Come in.
Can't stand this ridiculous lack of privacy. 
Lock the door.
Who are you?
What do you want?
-Recognise the signature tune?
-Will you please get out?
This is a much better room.
Definitely an acceptable room.
What exactly do you think you're doing? 
Keep away!
Would you hold these for a minute?
Put those back at once.
-Which side do you like to sleep?
-Do you want me to throw you out?
In that case, I'll sleep in the middle.
Smart of you to bribe the manager.
An eye for an eye and a tooth for a toothbrush.
-You're behaving like a complete cad.
-You're at liberty to sleep in the corridor.
Hello.
I shouldn't if I were you. I'd only tell everyone you invited me here.
And when I say everyone, I mean everyone. I have a powerful voice.
Come out of there at once!
Not until you bribe the manager to restore me to my attic.
Come out!
Boris? 
I might change my mind about the room upstairs.
Have my things taken upstairs, will you?
You're the most contemptible person I've ever met in my life!
I think you're a bit of a stinker, too.
If we get to Basle in time, we should see the match.
Hope the weather's like this in Manchester. 
Perfect for cricket.
Isn't it somewhere along here?
If you don't hurry, Margaret, we shan't get that compartment to ourselves.
Does it matter?
There's time to change your mind.
Send Charles a telegram and tell him he's all washed up.
This time next week, I shall be a slightly sunburnt offering on an altar.
I shan't mind, really.
Good morning. I can't find my bag.
It's a brown hold-all.
Have you seen it?
No, of course not, thank you.
She's dropped her glasses.
-You dropped your glasses.
-Thank you...
Oh dear! 
Oh dear!
-Are you hurt?
-l don't know. 
What was it?
Never mind. 
This cockeyed station has practically brained my friend.
-Yes, indeed.
-What are you going to do?
-He can't hold the train.
-l like that!
-Hurry up. lt's going.
-l'm all right.
-Are you sure?
-Don't worry... I'll look after her.
Such carelessness.
-Are you sure you're all right?
-Send us the Times.
-Write and tell us all about it.
-Good luck. 
Look after yourself.
You'll be all right in a minute.
Just take everything quietly.
Put this eau de cologne on your head.
-Do you feel any better?
-Yes, thank you. I'm all right.
What you need is a good strong cup of tea. I'll ring for the attendant.
No, please, don't bother. I'll go to the dining car myself. I need some air.
-l'll come with you, if you don't mind.
-No, of course not.
I beg your pardon.
I'm so sorry.
You can always tell a honeymoon couple. 
They're so shy.
-Why did you do that?
-We don't want people staring.
You'd think the whole legal profession was after you.
One would be enough.
You thought that beggar in Damascus was a barrister.
I just said he looked like a judge.
You hurried off in the opposite direction.
That's not true. I was looking for a street called "Straight".
-You weren't so careful at first.
-l know.
And what about me? 
Robert thinks I'm cruising with Mother.
If one is feeling shaky, it's best to sit in the middle of the coach... facing the engine.
-A pot of tea, please.
-Very good.
And just a minute.
Will you please tell them to make it from this? 
I don't drink any other.
And make sure the water is really boiling. 
Do you understand?
It's a little fad of mine. 
My dear father and mother, who are still alive... and enjoying good health, drink it and so I follow their footsteps.
A million Mexicans drink it. 
At least that's what it says on the packet.
It's very kind of you to help me.
I don't think we've introduced ourselves.
My name's Iris Henderson, I'm going home to be married.
How very exciting.
I do hope you'll be happy.
-Thank you.
-You'll have children, won't you?
They make such a difference. I always think it's being with kiddies so much... that's made me so young for my age.
I'm a governess. 
My name's Froy.
-Did you say Freud?
-No. 
O-Y, not E-U-D. 
Froy.
I'm sorry I can't hear.
Froy. lt rhymes with joy.
Thank you. 
Please reserve two places for lunch, if you'd care to join me.
It wasn't out. 
But for the umpire's blunder he'd still be batting.
-What do you mean?
-l'll show you. I saw the whole thing.
There's Hammond, there's the bowler, and there's the umpire.
-Sugar?
-Two please.
Dear me.
There's no sugar.
Now watch this very carefully.
Grimmett was bowling.
-May I trouble you for the sugar?
-What?
The sugar, please.
Thank you so much.
I'd try to get a little sleep, it'll make you feel quite well.
There's a most intriguing acrostic in the "Needlewoman".
I'm going to try and unravel it before you wake up.
Reservations for lunch, please.
-Madame has booked for lunch?
-My friend did. 
She's got the tickets.
Have you seen my friend?
My friend, where is she?
La signora inglese.
The English lady.
There has been no English lady here.
What?
There has been no English lady here.
But there has.
She sat there in the corner.
You saw her, you spoke to her, she sat next to you.
is ridiculous. 
She took me to the dining car...
-and came back here with me.
-You went and came back alone.
Maybe you don't understand.
The lady who looked after me when I was knocked out.
Perhaps it make you forget?
If this is some sort of a joke I'm afraid I don't see the point.
-You served me tea just now.
-Yes, Madame.
-Have you seen the lady I was with?
-But Madame was alone.
Pardon, Madame.
He make mistake.
He must remember the English lady.
She ordered tea and paid for it.
No, it was you who paid for it.
He says to look at the bill. I will look.
She gave you a special packet of tea.
The tea was ours.
I received no packet.
-But you did. I know it happened.
-Pardon, the bill. 
Tea for one.
But that's not right.
-Would you care to examine the bills?
-No. 
The whole thing's absurd.
Please, have you seen a lady pass through?
Old Stinker! 
If I thought you were on this train... I'd have stayed a week at the hotel. 
Lady? 
No, why?
It doesn't matter. 
You probably wouldn't recognise one anyway.
-Hello! 
Feeling queer?
-lt's that pipe of yours, George.
Why don't you throw your old socks away? 
Thanks for the help.
Come on, sit down.
What's the trouble?
-Something fell on my head.
-When? 
lnfancy?
-At the station.
-Bad luck! 
Can I help?
No, only by going away.
My father taught me not to dessert a lady in trouble.
He even married mother.
Did you see a little lady last night in the hotel in tweeds?
I saw one but she was hardly in tweeds.
She was with me, and now I can't find her.
She must still be on the train.
We haven't stopped.
-Of course she is.
-All right. 
Nobody said she isn't.
-But that's what they say.
-Who?
The people in the compartment and the steward.
They insist they never saw her.
All of them.
-You said you got a knock on the head.
-What do you mean?
-Never mind. 
Do you talk the lingo?
-No.
Maybe they thought you tried to borrow money.
Let's knock the idea out of their heads. 
A most unfortunate remark.
That's one of them.
The little dark man.
There is a misunderstanding. 
This lady seems to have lost her friend.
Yes, I have heard. 
The gentleman has been explaining to me.
I think under the circumstances we shall introduce ourselves.
I am an Italian citizen.
My wife and child.
How do you do. 
Bonny little chap.
How old is he?
1 934 class.
And the lady in the corner is the Baroness Athona.
I met her husband, he presented prizes at the Folk Dances Festival.
Minister of Propaganda.
I am Dr Egon Hartz of Prague.
You may have heard of me.
-Not the brain specialist?
-The same.
You went to England to operate on one of our cabinet ministers.
-Yes.
-Did you find anything?
-A slight cerebral contusion.
-That's better than nothing.
I am picking up a similar case at the next station, but more complicated.
I shall operate at the National Hospital tonight.
Among other things a cranial fracture with completion. 
You understand?
-Yes, a wallop on the bean.
-l suppose you haven't seen my friend?
-Unfortunately no.
-l'll take a word with the Baroness.
-What do they say?
-Both say they've never seen her.
That's not true.
She was sitting there.
-Can you describe her?
-lt's difficult.
-She was middle-aged and ordinary.
-What was she wearing?
Tweeds, oatmeal flecked with brown, a coat with patch pockets... a scarf, felt hat, brown shoes, a tussle shirt... and a small blue handkerchief in her breast pocket. I can't remember.
You could've been paying attention.
You both went along to tea?
-Yes.
-Surely you met somebody.
Right you are.
Now let's dig him out.
Pardon. 
May I come with you?
This is most interesting.
We don't like people muscling in, but we'll make you a member.
Wait. 
There was somebody else.
As we passed this compartment...
Miss Froy stumbled in and there was a tall gentleman and a lady.
If we can really find someone who saw her... we'll have the place searched.
-Can I be of any assistance?
-That's the gentleman.
Do you remember seeing this young lady pass with a little English woman?
I'm afraid not.
You must! 
She almost fell into your compartment.
Surely you haven't forgotten.
It's very important.
Everybody's saying she wasn't here, but I'm going to find her... even if I have to stop the train.
Caldicott, it's Charters.
Can I come in?
That girl we saw in the hotel, she's kicking up a fuss.
-Says she lost her friend.
-She hasn't been in here, old man.
-She's threatening to stop the train.
-Lord!
If we miss our connection in Basle, we'll never make Manchester in time.
-This is serious.
-Let's hide in here.
I haven't the faintest recollection.
You must be making a mistake.
He obviously doesn't remember.
Let's look for the other fellow.
-Who were you talking to outside?
-People in the corridor, arguing.
-There he is. 
That's the man.
-l wonder if you can help us.
-How?
-l was having tea an hour ago... with an English lady.
You saw her, didn't you?
-l was talking to my friend.
-lndubitably.
Yes, but you were at the next table.
She borrowed the sugar.
-l recall passing the sugar.
-Then you saw her.
We were in deep conversation, discussing cricket.
How a thing like cricket can make you forget seeing people?
If that's your attitude, there's nothing more to say.
Come, Caldicott.
Thing like cricket.
Wrong tactic. 
We should have told him we were looking for a cricket ball.
Yes, but he spoke to her.
There must be some explanation.
There is.
Please forgive me.
I'm quite possibly wrong but I have known cases... when a sudden shock or blow has induced the most vivid impressions.
-l understand. 
You don't believe me.
-lt's not a question of belief.
Even a concussion may have curious effects upon an imaginative person.
I can remember every little detail.
Her name. 
Miss Froy. 
Everything.
So interesting.
If one had time... one could trace the cause of the hallucination.
-Hallucination?
-Precisely. 
There is no Miss Froy.
-Just a vivid subjective image.
-But I met her last night at the hotel.
-You thought you did.
-What about her name?
A past association. 
An advertisement, a character subconsciously remembered.
No, there is no reason to be afraid, if you are quiet and relaxed.
Thank you very much.
Dravake. lf you will excuse me, this is where my patient comes aboard.
Excuse me.
Most interesting.
We're stopping.
This is our first stop, isn't it?
Miss Froy must still be on the train.
You look out this window and see if she gets off this side.
I'll take the other.
Most interesting.
What was she dressed in?
Scotch tweeds, wasn't it?
-Oatmeal tweeds.
-l knew it had to do with porridge.
How long does it take to get a divorce?
-Eric?
-l'm sorry. I wasn't listening.
How long does it take to get a divorce?
That depends. 
Why?
I was wondering if we could take our honey moon next spring.
The official one.
The difficulties are considerable.
The courts are very crowded now.
I suppose we barristers ought not to complain about this.
With conditions as they are now, my chances of becoming a judge are rosy.
-That is, if nothing untoward occurs.
-Like being mixed up in a divorce?
In the first careless rapture of yours you didn't care what happened.
The law, like Caesar's wife, must be above all suspicion.
Even when the law spends six weeks with Caesar's wife?
I know why you are running around like a scared rabbit...
-and why lied so elaborately just now.
- l lied?
Yes, to those people in the corridor.
I heard every word you said.
I didn't wish to be mixed up in an enquiry.
Enquiry? 
Just because a little woman can't be found?
That girl was making a fuss.
If the woman had disappeared... and I'd admitted to seeing her, we might have become vital witnesses.
My name might appear in the papers with yours.
A scandal that might lead anywhere, anywhere.
Yes, I suppose you are right.
-Nobody?
-Nobody.
I just saw bits of orange peel and paper bag coming out my side.
I know there's a Miss Froy.
She's as real as you are.
That's what you say and you believe it.
But there isn't anybody else who has seen her.
-l saw her. I think.
-You did?
-A little woman in tweeds.
-Yes.
-With a three quarter coat.
-With a scarf.
That's right. I saw her when you passed the compartment.
I knew I was right. 
But your husband said he didn't see her.
He didn't notice, but as soon as he mentioned it, I remembered at once.
You win. 
This calls for action.
Would you make a statement?
Of course, if it helps.
Pardon, my patient has just arrived.
The most fascinating complication.
We have news for you.
This lady saw Mrs. Froy.
-So.
-We are going to search the train.
-You must think of a fresh theory.
-lt is not necessary.
My theory was perfectly good.
The facts were misleading.
I hope you will find your friend.
-l'll be right here if you want me.
-OK. 
Come along.
I was going to mention that I told that girl I'd seen her friend.
-Have you taken leave of your senses?
-On the contrary, I've come to them.
What do you mean?
If there is a scandal, there'll be a divorce. 
You couldn't let me down.
You'd have to do the decent thing as only you know how.
You forgot one very important thing, Margaret... your husband would divorce you, no doubt.
But my wife will never divorce me.
It may seem crazy to you, but you're going to search the train.
Down there, they look for you.
Your friend come back.
Come back?
But what happened?
You go see.
She tell you.
All right Athleston, relax. 
The crisis is over. 
Come on, let's join the lady.
Miss Froy.
That isn't Miss Froy.
-lsn't it?
-No.
-lt's silly to say, but are you Miss Froy?
-No, I am Madame Kummer.
She helped you into the carriage and went to see some friends.
As you spoke about an English lady she didn't connect her with Mme Kummer.
But she wasn't the lady.
It was Miss Froy.
-Oatmeal tweeds, blue handkerchief...
-Yes, it's all the same, but it isn't her.
When did you say you first met this Miss Froy?
Last night at the hotel.
-Was she wearing a costume like this?
-Yes, I think she was.
Then I apologise.
You did meet her.
But not on the train.
In your subconscious mind... you substituted the face of Mme Kummer with Miss Froy's.
But I didn't. I couldn't have, I talked to her here.
That's easily settled, there's a woman who said she saw her.
If the lady wouldn't mind.
What a gift of languages the fellow's got.
-ls this the woman you saw?
-lt isn't a bit like her, is it?
Yes, she's the woman.
-But it isn't. I tell you it isn't.
-Are you sure?
-Perfectly.
-She isn't. 
She isn't.
I'm so sorry to have troubled you.
Aren't you going to say anything?
-You might at least gloat.
-What am I expected to say?
You only did it to save your own skin.
She was lying. I saw it in her face.
They're all lying. 
But why?
Why don't you sit down and take it easy.
Do you believe this nonsense about substituting faces?
I think any change would be an improvement.
Miss Froy was on this train, and nothing will convince me otherwise.
Must you follow me round like a pet dog?
-A watch dog. I have better instincts.
-Goodbye.
The Doctor was right.
I never saw Miss Froy on the train.
-lt didn't happen, I know now.
-Glad you're taking it like that.
Forget all about it.
Make your mind a blank.
Watch me, you can't go wrong.
What about a spot of something to eat?
-Anything.
-That's right, come along.
-Would you like some air?
-Thanks.
-Could you eat something?
-l could try.
That's the spirit. 
You'll feel a different girl tomorrow.
I hope so. I don't want to meet my fiance a nervous wreck.
-Your what?
-l'm being married on Thursday.
-You're sure you're not imagining that?
-Positive.
-l was afraid so. 
Food.
-l couldn't face it.
Do you mind if I talk with my mouth full?
If you must.
-Want to hear about my early life?
-l don't think so.
Since you press me, I'll begin with my father.
It's remarkable how many great men began with their fathers.
-Something to drink?
-No. 
Yes. 
A cup of tea, please.
One tea and no soup for the lady.
My father was a colourful character.
Amongst other things, he was strongly addicted to you'll never guess.
Harriman's Herbal Tea.
-No, double scotches.
-A million Mexicans drink it.
-Maybe, but Father didn't.
-Miss Froy gave a packet to the waiter.
-A packet of what?
-Harriman's Herbal Tea.
It was the only sort she liked.
We agreed you were going to make your mind a complete blank.
-lt's so real. I'm sure it happened.
-Did we or did we not?
We did. 
Sorry.
Tell me about your father.
-My father was a very remarkable man.
-Did he play the clarinet?
He did. ln fact he never put it down unless it became absolutely necessary.
I couldn't help inheriting his love of music.
-Why not?
-That was all he left me.
You're remarkably attractive.
Has anyone ever told you?
We were discussing you.
-Yes, of course. 
Do you like me?
-Not much.
I paid my father's debts and went away before they cashed the cheques.
I'm writing a book on folk dancing.
-Would you like to buy a copy?
-l'd love to.
-When does it see the light of day?
-ln about four years.
-That's a very long time.
-lt's a very long book.
Do you know why you fascinate me?
I'll tell you. 
You have the great qualities I used to admire in my father.
You've no manners at all, and you're always seeing things.
-What's the matter?
-Look!
-lt's gone!
-What's gone?
Miss Froy's name on the window.
You must have seen it.
She's on the train.
Steady! 
Steady!
We've got to find her. 
Something's happening to her. 
Stop the train.
Listen everybody. 
There's a woman on the train, Miss Froy... you must have seen her.
They hide her somewhere.
I appeal to you all to stop the train.
Please help me.
Please stop the train.
Do you hear me?
Do something before it's too late!
I know you think I'm crazy, but I'm not. 
For heaven's sake, stop this train.
Leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
Ten minutes late thanks to that girl.
Any more tricks and we shall be late for the last day of the match.
-You couldn't put it to her in some way.
-What?
-People just don't vanish and so forth.
-But she has.
What?
Vanished.
-Who?
-The old dame.
-Yes.
-Well?
-But how could she?
-What?
-Vanish.
-l don't know.
That just explains my point. 
People just don't disappear into thin air.
-lt's done in India.
-What?
The rope trick.
Oh that. lt never comes out in a photograph.
In half an hour we stop at Morsken, just before the border.
I will leave there with my patient for the National Hospital.
If you will come with me, you could stay overnight in a private ward.
-You need peace and rest.
-Sorry, nothing doing.
-lsn't there anything we can do?
-Yes, find Miss Froy.
If she does not rest I will not answer for her.
It will be best if you persuade her.
She likes you.
I'm as popular as a dose of strychnine.
If coated with sugar, she may swallow it.
Cosmopolitan train.
People of all nations.
I've just seen at least a million Mexicans in the corridor.
Think over what Doctor Hertz said.
If you feel like changing your mind, I'll be around.
-What's all the mystery?
-You're right.
Miss Froy is on the this train.
I've just seen that packet of tea.
They chucked it out with the rubbish.
-You're late. 
She may be dead now.
-Dead or alive...
Anyway, I remember once spending a bank holiday at Brighton...
Let's search this train. 
There's something definitely queer in the air.
It's a supply service for trunk murderers.
What's this?
-lt's all right, lt's only us.
-Hurry up. 
Quickly.
Maybe it's Miss Froy bewitched.
I refused to be discouraged.
Faint heart never found old lady.
-Do you know anything about her?
-No.
Only that she is a governess going home.
-What is this thing?
-Can't imagine.
There might be something down here.
-What on earth!
-Our Italian friend.
I've got it. 
There.
The Great Doppo.
-His visiting card. 
Look!
-What's it say?
The Great Doppo. 
Magician, illusionist, mind reader... he will appear in all the towns and cities. 
See his fascinating act...
-The Vanishing Lady.
-The Vanishing Lady.
-Perhaps that's the explanation.
-What?
-Maybe he's practising on Miss Froy.
-Perhaps it's a publicity stunt.
No. 
That wouldn't account for the Baroness or Madame Kummer.
-What's your theory?
-l don't know. 
My theory?
I'll tell you.
Oh dear.
I can't get this one.
-Where are you?
-Here with a smell of camphor balls.
-l can't see you.
-l'm about somewhere.
-Here I am. 
Where are you?
-l don't know.
That's what comes of not saying Abracadabra.
-Are you hurt?
-Not much.
-Come and sit down over here.
-What is this thing?
In magic circles, we cal it the disappearing cabinet.
-You get inside and vanish.
-So I noticed.
-You were about to tell me your theory.
-My theory.
My theory, dear Watson, is that we are in very deep waters indeed.
Thank you. 
Let us marshal our facts over a pipeful of Baker Street shag.
A little old lady disappears. 
Everyone that saw her says she wasn't there.
Right?
But she was. 
Therefor, they did see her. 
Therefor, they are lying. 
Why?
-l don't know. I'm just Watson.
-Don't bury yourself it the part.
Because they daren't face an enquiry... because Miss Froy's probably still somewhere on the train.
-l told you that hours ago.
-So you did.
For that you shall have a trichonoply cigar.
There's only one thing left to do. 
Search the train in disguise.
As what?
-Old English gentleman.
-They'd see through you.
Perhaps you're right.
Will Hay. "No, boys, which one of you has stolen Miss Froy? 
Own up."
-Those glasses. 
Give them to me.
-Why?
-They're Miss Froy's.
-Are you sure?
They're the same. 
Gold rimmed.
Where did you find them?
-On the floor. 
The glass is broken.
-Probably in the struggle.
Pick up the glass.
Do you realise that this is our first piece of really tangible proof?
That's the lot.
Will you give me those spectacles.
They belong to me. 
My spectacles.
Yours? 
Are you sure?
Naughty. 
That's a very large nose for a very small pair of spectacles.
is that the game?
We'll see about that.
These are Miss Froy's glasses.
She's been in here and you know it.
Well don't stand hoping about like a referee, co-operate. 
Kick him.
That doesn't help.
Quick, pull his ears back.
Give them a twist.
¡ He's got a knife!
Get hold of it before he cuts a slice off me.
I can't reach it.
Well done.
We know how that thing works.
Come out of there.
is he out, do you think?
We've got to hide somewhere.
-l wonder what's in here?
-Hurry up!
It's empty.
Bring him along.
-What's the matter?
-Garlic. I'll be all right in a minute.
-Here, hold on to this.
-Yes.
We know that Miss Froy was on this train... and that our friend had something to do with it.
That ought to keep him.
Hard work, but worth it.
Let's have the evidence.
-Evidence?
-Yes, the glasses.
You've got them.
No, I haven't got them.
He's got them.
He isn't there.
Snookered.
It's a false bottom.
-The twister! 
He's a contortionist.
-He's gone all right.
To find the others and make more trouble.
We can't fight the whole train.
-But who can we trust?
-That's the snag.
-There's the Doctor Hartz person.
-Yes, you're right. 
He might help.
-Let's tell him the symptoms.
-All right. 
Wait a minute.
This is the one.
He's not there.
-l've had a particularly idiotic idea.
-l can't believe that.
Suppose that patient in there is Miss Froy.
But it didn't come on the train until after Miss Froy had disappeared.
That's why it's an idiotic idea.
Let's find the doctor.
-No, wait a minute.
-What is it?
-Notice anything wrong with that nun?
-No.
I don't think she's a nun at all.
They don't wear high heels.
You're right. 
Did you see Mme Kummer get on the train?
No.
Supposing they decoyed Miss Froy into the luggage van and hid her.
At the first stop the patient comes abroad. 
Head injury, all wrapped up.
The patient is Madame Kummer and she becomes Miss Froy... and Miss Froy becomes that.
But why go to all this trouble to kidnap a little harmless governess?
It isn't a governess at all.
Perhaps it's some political thing.
Let's investigate.
You'll just have to put up with it in English.
Can we take a look at your patient, please? 
Thank you.
Keep an eye on the nun.
What are you doing here?
Why are you in here?
This is a most serious accident case.
You have no business to be here.
We want you to undo the bandages and let us see your patients face.
Are you out of your senses?
There is no face there.
Nothing but lumps of new flesh.
The case has lost so much blood... nothing but a transfusion can save him.
What do you want me to do?
Murder my patient?
-You're sure that this is your patient?
-We believe it's Miss Froy.
You can't be serious. 
What on earth put such ideas into your heads?
-l understand she is deaf and dumb.
-But she may lip read.
That's possible. ln that case, perhaps you will join me in the dining car?
I'll be with you in a moment. I want to be certain my patient hasn't been disturbed.
How do I know how they cottoned on?
Somebody must have tipped them off.
-You never said the girl was English.
-What difference does it make?
In a few minutes, I will order three drinks in the dining car.
Mine will be Chartreuse.
One of the stewards is working for us. 
Listen carefully.
There's that girl again.
Seems to have recovered.
Lucky it blew over.
-You'll tell me what it's all about?
-Have you actually seen your patient?
No, I received a message to pick the case up and operate at Morsken.
-How do you know its not Miss Froy.
-We think there's been a change.
You think that someone has... I want a green chartreuse.
Won't you join me?
-l'll like a large brandy, please.
-And you?
-Nothing, thank you.
-lt'll do you good.
You are very tired.
It will pick you up.
-All right, just a small one.
-2 brandies and a Chartreuse.
Do you know anything about the nun who is looking after the patient?
Nun? 
No. 
She is from the convent where the accident occurred.
Don't you think it is curious that she's wearing high heeled shoes?
is she? 
That is rather curious, isn't it?
A conspiracy.
That's all it can be.
These people on the train say they haven't seen Miss Froy.
We know because in the luggage van...
She's off again!
Puts the lid on our getting back in time, if she did.
Then this fellow from the carriage, Doppo... he came along and grabbed the glasses.
Then we went for him and had a fight.
-A fight?
-We knocked him out.
-Seems to have made a speedy recovery.
-Yes. 
That's just bluff.
How could he be involved in a conspiracy? 
Look at the poor fellow.
He's just a harmless traveller.
He's a musical artist on a tour of Bandrika.
The Baroness' husband is Minister of Propaganda.
One word from her and his tour would be cancelled.
I see.
And the stewards would got a nice cosy brick wall to lean against.
But tell me about the two English travellers.
-They also denied seeing her?
-British diplomacy, doctor.
Never climb a fence if you can sit on it. 
Old Foreign Office proverb.
Why should someone want to dispose of the old lady?
That stumps us. 
All we know is she was on this train and now she's... gone.
If you're right, it means the whole train is against us.
What are we going to do?
In view of what you've just told me, I'll risk examining my patient.
We mustn't act suspiciously.
Behave as if nothing had happened.
Drink, that'll steady your nerves.
To our health. 
And may our enemies, if they exist... be unconscious of our purpose.
Let's go. 
We must hurry now.
Come on, drink up.
Wait in here.
Right you are.
-Anything wrong?
-Nothing.
Except they noticed you were wearing high heels.
But it makes no difference.
We shall reach Morsken in 3 minutes.
Quite an eventful journey.
Well?
Yes, the patient is Miss Froy.
She will be taken off the train in 3 minutes.
She will be removed to the hospital there and operated on.
The operation will not be successful.
I should perhaps explain that the operation will be performed by me.
I am in this conspiracy as you term it.
You are a very alert young couple... but it's quite useless for you to think of a way out of your dilemma.
The drink you've had now, I regret to say, contained a quantity of Hydrocin.
Hydrocin is a very little known drug which has the effect... of paralysing the brain and rendering the victim unconscious... for a considerable period.
In a larger quantity, it induces madness.
However the dose was a normal one.
Soon you will join your young friend.
Need I say how sorry I am feeling to take such a melodramatic course.
But your persistent meddling made it necessary.
Are you all right?
You must have fainted.
There is a woman next door going to be murdered... and we've got to get moving before this stuff takes effect.
If you keep on the go you can stay awake.
Right, come on, let's get going.
It's locked.
We can't go that way.
We'll be spotted.
-You can't do that!
-Don't worry, it's only next door... you carry on keeping fit, touch your toes... stand your head, do anything but fall asleep.
You needn't be afraid, it is Miss Froy.
It's all right, you haven't been drugged.
He told me to put something in your drinks but I didn't do it.
Who the devil are you?
He said you were deaf and dumb.
Never mind about that now, if you want to save her you've got to hurry.
What's gonna happen now?
Let's hold them off until past Morsken... the frontier's a few miles beyond the station.
Come on, there's still time.
That's Morsken.
Have you finished?
Come on, Miss Froy.
Come on kid, you're not drugged, I'll explain later. 
Abracadabra.
-Miss Froy, I can't believe it!
-Thank you. 
Thank you very much.
Careful.
Ready?
Yes.
-Are you all right, Miss Froy?
-Yes, thank you.
It's rather like the rush hour on the underground.
We're slowing down.
I'm sorry you've had such an uncomfortable journey, Miss Froy.
Get back on the train.
I hope nothing goes wrong.
Aren't we stopping rather a long time?
The ambulance is going.
We'll be off in a jiffy.
Another couple of minutes, we'll be over the border.
I've been well paid and I've done dirty work for it... but this was murder and she is an English woman.
-You are Bandrieken.
-My husband was, but I'm English.
You were going to butcher her in cold blood.
Your little diversion made it necessary not only to remove the lady... but two others as well.
You can' t do that.
It'd be fool to permit the existence of anyone who cannot be trusted.
-You wouldn't dare. I know too much.
-Precisely.
I think we're over the border now.
You can come out, Miss Froy.
-Bless me. 
What an unpleasant journey.
-Never mind.
You shall have a corner seat for the rest of the way. 
There you are.
Now that it's over, you ought to tell us what it's all about.
What was that scream?
-lt was the train whistle.
-lt was the woman.
Be careful.
We're on a branch line and they've slipped the rear of the train.
Oh dear!
Why are these people going to these lengths to get hold of you?
I haven't the faintest idea.
I'm a children's governess... I think they've made some terrible mistake.
Why are holding out on us?
Tell the truth.
You got us involved in this fantastic plot you might at least trust us.
I really don't know...
-ls there anyone else?
-There's only the dining cart... but there won't be anybody there now.
What do you make it, tea time?
I'll go have a look.
Come on.
We'd better stick together.
There's the old girl turned up.
Told you there was lots of fuss about nothing. 
Bolt must have jammed.
I've got something to say.
Please listen.
An attempt has been made to abduct this lady by force.
I believe they are going to try again.
What's the fellow drivelling about?
Look out of the window. 
This train's been diverted to a branch line.
What are you talking about?
Abduction, diverted trains...
-We're telling the truth.
-l'm not interested.
You've annoyed us long enough with your ridiculous stories.
You've got hold of the wrong end of the stick.
-These things don't happen.
-We're not in England now.
-l don't see the difference.
-We're stopping.
You see those cars? 
They're here to take Miss Froy away.
Nonsense.
There go a couple of people.
The cars have come to pick them up.
Then why uncoupling the train and diverting it.
Uncoupling?
There's no train beyond the sleeping car.
There must be. 
Our bags are in the First Class carriage.
Not any longer.
Would you like to take a look?
If this is a practical joke, I warn you I shan't think it very funny.
Good Lord!
Bring some brandy.
You don't suppose there's something in this fellow's story, Caldicott.
-Seems a bit queer.
-People don't go about tying up nuns.
Someone's coming.
They can't possibly do anything to us. 
We're British subjects.
I have come to offer sincere apologies.
An extremely serious incident has occurred.
An attempt has been made to interfere with passengers on this train.
Fortunately it was brought to the notice of the authorities.
If you will accompany me to Morsken... I will inform the British Embassy at once.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the cars are at your disposal.
We're grateful. lt's lucky some of you speak English.
-l was at Oxford.
-Really, so was I.
This woman is trying to say something.
I don't understand but it may be important.
-Would you...
-Certainly.
-That's fixed him.
-That's all right. 
He's only stunned.
-What did you to that for?
-l was at Cambridge.
But you heard what he said, didn't you?
I heard what she said. 
That was a trick to get us off the train.
I don't believe it. 
The explanation was quite satisfactory.
This might cause a war.
I'm going to tell them it's up to us to apologise and put the matter right.
-You were right. 
Do you mind?
-Certainly.
Looks as if they mean business.
It would mean an international situation.
It's happened before.
-They're coming.
-Don't let them in. 
They'll murder us.
They daren't let us go now.
-l order you to surrender at once.
-Nothing doing.
-lf you come any nearer I'll fire.
-l've warned you.
Better take cover.
They'll start any minute now.
-Nasty jam. 
Don't like the look of it.
-Got plenty of ammunition.
-Whole pouch full.
-Good.
-Duck down, you.
-l'm not going to fight. lt's madness.
It's safer to protest down here.
They're trying to work round to the other side.
You're behaving like a pack of fools.
What chance have we got against those armed men?
You heard what the Mother Superior said.
If we surrender now, we're in for it.
We'll never get to the match now.
Give it to me.
Give it to me.
-What's going on here?
-He's got a gun and he won't use it.
I won't be a party to this sort of thing. I don't believe in fighting.
Pacifist? 
Won't work. 
Christians tried it and got thrown to the lions.
Come on, hand it over.
I'm not afraid to use it.
Probably more used to it.
I once won a box of cigars.
He's talking rot.
He's a good shot.
Hope the old hand hasn't lost it's cunning. I'm inclined to believe... that there's some rational explanation to all this.
Rotten shot, only knocked his head off.
Would you mind if we talk for a minute?
-What, now?
-Please, it's very important.
-Hang on to this for me, will you?
-All right. I'll hold the fort.
It's safer along here.
You come in too.
I just wanted to tell you that I must be getting along now.
You'll never get away.
You'll be shot down.
I must take the risk.
If I'm unlucky and you get through, take back a message... to Mr. Callendar at the Foreign Office.
-Then you are a spy.
-l think that is such a grim word.
What is the message?
It's a tune.
It contains, in code... the vital clause of a secret pact between two European countries.
I want you to memorise it.
The first part goes like this... I'd better write it down.
Let me a piece of paper.
I was brought up on music.
I can memorise anything.
Very well.
The old girl's gone off her rocker.
Face it, those swines will go on firing till they kill us all.
For goodness sake, shut up, Eric.
Now we've got two chances instead of one.
-You're sure you'll remember it?
-l won't stop whistling it.
-l suppose this is my best way out?
-Yes, just about.
But even if you do get away they'll stop you at the frontier.
-We can't let her go.
-You're taking a big risk.
In this sort of job one must take risks.
I'm grateful to you both for all you've done.
I do hope and pray no harm will come to you... and that we shall all meet again.
-l hope so too. 
Good luck.
-Good luck.
-Will you help me out?
-Yes, rather.
Take the weight, on top, right you are, I've got you.
Goodbye.
-Was she hit?
-l'm not sure.
-That's the end of my twelve.
-There's not much left here, either.
We've only got one chance.
We've got to get this train going.
Go back to the main line and try and cross the frontier.
That's a bit of a tall order.
Those drivers are not likely to do as you tell them.
We'll bluff them with this.
Who's coming?
-You can count on me.
-Me too.
We can't all go.
You stay here... lf we have any luck we'll stop the train at the point...
-and you switch them over.
-Okay.
You idiots, you're just inviting death.
I've had enough.
Just because I try and avoid being murdered... I'm accused of pacifist. I'd rather be called a rat than die like one.
If we give ourselves up, they daren't murder us in cold blood.
-They're bound to give us a trial.
-Stop gibbering.
-Nobody's listening to you.
-You go your way, I'll go mine.
-Where are you off to?
-l'm doing the only sensible thing.
Let him go if he wants to.
Don't please. 
Why aren't we going?
Why aren't we going?
They said we were going.
Why aren't we?
If only he can get us away now. 
He must.
Only one left.
I'll keep that for a sitter.
They're moving away from the cars.
They're coming towards us.
-Pity we haven't a few more rounds.
-lt's funny.
I told my husband when I left him that I wouldn't see him again.
Gilbert! 
Gilbert!
-By gad, we're off.
-This gives us a chance.
Come on, keep going.
-Do you know how to control this?
-l watched the fellow start it.
I know something. 
Once drove a miniature engine in Dymchurch.
Good. I'll look out for the points.
Blighters are chasing us.
Look.
We can't have far to go.
It's time for me to change the points.
We shall be in neutral territory.
That's not necessary.
The points will not be changed over.
Please be seated.
There they are, just ahead of us.
Do you think you can stop it?
Hope so.
You'll keep quite still until my friends arrive.
If anyone leaves, I shall have to shoot.
There's one thing you don't know.
There's only one bullet left, if you shoot me the others have a chance.
-You're in a difficult position.
-Sit down please.
All right.
Where the devil's Charters?
Go ahead, she's done it.
It's all right, it's just my legs.
Or as they say in English, jolly good luck to them.
I'm glad that's over. 
Heaven knows what the government will say about it.
-Nothing at all. 
They'll hush it up.
-What?
Take your hand off that thing.
I've got to remember a tune.
Remember...
-Porter, sir?
-No, thanks.
We're home, Gilbert.
Stop humming that awful tune.
You must know it backwards.
I'm not taking any risks.
-Charles will be here to meet you?
-l expect so.
You'll be pretty busy between now and Thursday.
I could meet you for lunch or dinner, if you'd like it.
Sorry, I didn't mean that.
I've got to deliver this theme song to Miss Froy... and then I'm going to Yorkshire and finish my book.
I see.
-Ready?
-Yes.
Ample time to catch the 6:50 to Manchester after all.
TEST MATCH ABANDONED FLOODS
-Any sign of Charles yet?
-No, I can't see him.
Well, this is where we say goodbye.
What's the matter?
Charles?
Yes, you heartless, callous, selfish, swollen-headed beast...
-Are you going anywhere?
-Foreign Office.
-Where are we going on our honeymoon?
-Somewhere quiet.
Somewhere where there are no trains.
Mr. Callendar will see you now.
-Wait a minute. lt's gone!
-What's gone?
-The tune. I've forgotten it!
-No! 
No!
Wait a minute.
Let me concentrate.
No, that's the Wedding March.
It's awful. I've done nothing but sing it since that day.
Now I've forgotten it completely.
-Miss Froy!
-Well, I'll be hanged.

Hello!
Signorine e signore...
Mesdames et messieurs, je regrette infiniment...
- What's all this fuss, Charters?
- I don't know.
Meine Damen und Herren, bitte schön...
Danke schön! 
Danke schön!
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very sorry, the train is little bit up-hold.
And if you wish to stay in my hotel, you are to register immediately.
Why the deuce didn't he say so in the first place?
Ah!
Oh!
How do you do, Miss Henderson?
How do you do Ladies.
It's a great honour to have you here again.
Nice to see you, Boris.
You haven't changed since Friday.
I see,You haven't shaved either.
- Is everything ready?
- Yes. 
I've changed nothing.
- Not even the sheets!
- Lead on, Boris.
- I didn't expect you to come so quickly.
Our legs gave out on us.
We had to do the last lap in a farm car.
I see we've got company.
Dont Tell me Cook's running cheap tours here?
- What is it?
- It's the avalanche.
- Avalunch?
- Avalanche, Boris. 
Avalanche.
In the Spring, we've got many avalanches.
You Know,The snow goes bloop and everything disappear. 
Even train disappear under the avalance.
But I'm going home tomorrow.
How Long before they dig it up?
By morning, lucky for you.
Leave by this train instead of your own.
How you say it? 
It's a bad wind that blow nowhere no good.
Talking of wind, we've not eaten since dawn.
-Serve Supper in our room, please.
- I could eat a horse.
Don't give him ideas. 
Some chicken, Boris, and a magnum of champagne.
Bandrika may have a dictator but tonight, we're painting it red.
Meanwhile we have to stand here cooling our heels as well as legs
Third-rate country. 
What do you expect?
- I wonder who those women were?
- Possibly Americans, I should think.
Almighty dollar, old man.
We'll have to wait. 
If only we hadn't missed the train at Budapest.
If you hadn't insisted standing while they sang their national anthem...
You must show respect, Caldicott.
If I'd known it would last 20 minutes...
It's my contention that the Hungarian Rhapsody is not their national anthem.
- And we were the only two standing.
- That's True.
- Well, we should be in time after all.
- No, that last report was pretty ghastly -
You remember?
- "England on the Brink".
- That's newspaper sensationalism.
The country's been in tight corners before.
Looks black. 
Even if we leave first thing, there's the connection at Basle.probably be hours
- That's true.
- Someone surely can help us.
Sir, what time does the train leave Basle for England?
Sprecht in English
- Oh, really?
Fellow doesn't speak English.
'Allo, Alex?
...champagne, Miss Anderson.
- Messieurs, ah.
- Vous ìtes...
Here's one leaves Basle, 21:20.
- 21:20? 
20, 20, 12 from 21 is...
- Yes. 21 from 20...
I Regret Sir,There is only left two single room in front or a little double room at the back.
- We'll take the singles.
- Very well, sir, 'ere is it.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
At least you might have asked me.
My dear, a small double room at the back in a place like this.
- You weren't so particular in Paris.
- It was quite different.
- The exhibition was at its height.
- I realise that now.
There's no need to rub it in.
- We want a private suite.
- Facing the mountain.
- With a shower.
- Hot and cold.
- And a private thingummy if you got one. 
I am sorry gentleman
Well,Sorry Gentlemen,The only things left is the maid's room.
- What?
- I'm sorry.
- The hotel is jammed to the sky.
- Impossible,But we haven't fixed up yet.
You can't put two of us up in the maid's room.
Don't get excited, I'll remove the maid out.
I should think so. 
What?
What are you talking about?
- I'd sooner sleep on the train.
- Would you?
- There is no 'eating in the train.
- No eating?
Yes, I mean, ha! 
Heating. 
Brrr.
- Oh, heating, no heating.
- That's awkward. 
Oh, we'll take it.
Just A Min, On one Condition
You have to have the maid comes to your room and remove her wardrobe.
Anna!
She's a good girl and I don't want to lose her.
You'd better go and grab it.
- Rather primitive humour.
- Grown-up children, you know.
That was an awkward situation over that girl.
- Pity we couldn't have one each.
- Hey?
- I mean, er, a room apiece.
- Oh.
I, Iris Matilda Henderson, a spinster of no particular parish, do hereby solemnly renounce my maidenly parts and do declare that on Thursday next, the 26th inst.
Being in my right mind, I shall take the veil and the orange blossom and change my name to Lady Charles Fotheringale.
Can't You Get him change his name instead?
The only thing I like is his moustache.
You're couple of cynics. 
I'm very fond of him.
I'm fond of rabbits but they have to be kept down.
Rudolf, give me a hand.
- Have you ever read about love?
- It used to be popular.
The carpet is already laid at St George's, Hanover Square.
And father's aching to have a coat of arms on the jam label.
To the Iris and happy days she's leaving behind.
And the blue-blooded cheque-chaser she's dashing to London to marry.
The blue-blooded cheque-chaser.
I've no regrets. 
I've been everywhere and done everything.
I've eaten caviar at Cannes, sausage rolls at the dogs,
I've played baccarat at Biarritz and darts with the rural dean.
What is there left for me but marriage?
This hanging about gets me. 
If only we knew what was happening in England.
- Mustn't lose grip charles
Come in.
- Did you follow that?
- I did.
Tell her this has gone far enough.
There is no, er, no change, change here.
- Erm, outside.
- She doesn't understand.
- No, come on.
Ow!
- Nothing newer than last month.
- I don't suppose there's a wireless set.
Awful being in the dark.
Our communications cut off in a crisis.
'Allo, 'allo. 
London?
You want Mr Seltzer? 
Yes, j-hold on, I'm going right to find where he is.
London.
Go on, risk it.
Hello. 
Hello, you, you in London.
No, I'm not Mr Seltzer. 
Name's Charters.
I don't suppose you know me.
You needn't worry.
They've just gone to fetch him.
Tell me, what's happening to England?
Blowing a gale?
No, you don't follow me, sir.
I'm enquiring about the test match in Manchester.
Cricket, sir, cricket.
What, you don't know?
You can't be in England and not know the testscore.
- Fellow says he doesn't know.
- Silly arse.
Can't you find out?
It won't take a second.
All right, if you won't, you won't.
Wasting my time - he's an ignoramus.
At last, your call come through to London.
Hello? 
Hello, hello?
(speaking NonEnglish)... 
London?
- Thank you, waiter.
- How about a grilled steak?
- Good idea. 
Well done for me.
- On the red side for me.
They have a passion for repeating themselves.
- I beg your pardon.
- M-hm?
He's trying to explain that, owing to the number of visitors,
- there's no food left.
- No food? 
What sort of place is this?
Expect us to share a blasted dog box with a servant girl on an empty stomach.
Is that hospitality? 
Is that organisation?
Oh, thank you.
- I'm hungry.
- I don't wonder they have revolutions.
You're welcome to what's left of the cheese.
- It's not steak but it's rich in vitamins.
- Really? 
Thank you.
I am Afraid They're not accustomed to catering for so many.
Bandrika is one of Europe's undiscovered corners.
Because there's nothing worth discovering.
You may not know it as well as I do.
I'm miserable at the thought of leaving it.
- After you with the cheese, please.
- Why not. 
So you're going home?
Tomorrow. 
My little charges are quite grown up.
I'm a governess and music teacher, you know.
In the six years I've lived here, I've grown to love the country,esp the mountains...
I sometimes thinks 
- They're like friendly neighbours
The father and mother mountain, with their white snow hats, and their nephews and nieces, not quite so big, with smaller hats, right down to the tiniest hillock, without any hat at all.
- Of course, that's just my fancy.
- Oh, really.
I like to watch them from my bedroom when there's a moon.
I'm so glad there's a moon tonight.
Do you hear that music?
Everyone sings here.
The people are just like happy children,
- with laughter in lips and music in their hearts.
- It's not reflected in their politics you know?
.
I never think you should judge a country by its politics.
After all, we English are quite honest by nature, aren't we?
You'll excuse me if I run away?
- Good night.
- Good night.
Queer sort of bird.
A trifle whimsical, I thought.
After six years in this hole, we'd be whimsical.
I don't think so, old man.
She was very decent about that cheese.
I see she's finished the pickles.
Good night, Iris. 
Listen.
Someone's serenading.
Oh, let him.
Nothing'll keep me awake tonight.
Good night, my children.
- What's happening, an earthquake?
- That wouldn't account for the music cud it?
What a horrible noise.
- What can they be doing?
- I don't know but I'll soon find out.
Hello?
Musical country, this.
Yes, I feel quite sorry for that poor singer outside, having to compete with this.
Boris, Miss Henderson speaking.
Someone is playing musical chairs with an elephant.
Move one of them, will you, I want to get some sleep. 
All right.
- That ought to settle it.
- Thank you so much.
Some people have so little consideration for others which makes life so much more difficult.
Good night. 
Thank you so much. 
I think You'll be going for the train in the morning?
- Yes.
- I hope we shall meet again under...
Under quieter circumstances.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Miss, please, I'll fix everything.
You'd better.
Hold it. 
Don't move, don't move.
Er...
- If you please, sir...
- Get out.
One, two.
Please, sir, will you kindly stop?
They're all complaining in the hotel, you make too much noise.
- Too much what?
- Too much noise.
You dare to call it a noise.
The ancient music with which your peasant ancestors celebrated every wedding for generations.
The dance they danced when your father married your mother.
If you were born in wedlock, which I doubt.
Look at them.
- I take it You're the manager of this...?
- Sure I am the manager unfortunately I'm accustomed to squalor.
tell me Who's complained?
This young English lady underneath.
You tell the young English lady underneath that I am putting on record, for the benefit of mankind, one of the lost folk dances of central Europe
- and furthermost she does not own this hotel.
- Sir, don't you understand...
Now, one, two.
you know what He said, "Who she think she is, the Queen of Sheba?
"She thinks she own the hotel?"
- Can't you get rid of him?
- Impossible.
- Are you sure?
- I begin to wonder.
I've got an idea. 
The German lady, she will call him on the telephone.
She will say, "YoungMan,It's my room.
I did pay for it. 
Get out quickly."
- How' s that?
- Good enough.
Then shock him with a little... pchh! 
He'll never forget it as long as long as he liv
Nothing but baseball.
You know, we used to call it rounders.
Children play it with a rubber ball and a stick.
Not a word about cricket.
- Americans got no sense of proportion.
Come in.
Gute Nacht.
I can't stand this ridiculous lack of privacy. 
Lock the door.
- Oh!
Gute Nacht.
Who are you? 
What do you want?
- Recognise the signature tune?
- Will you please get out?
Oh, this is a much better room.
Definitely an acceptable room.
What exactly do you think you're doing? 
Keep away.
Would you hold those for a minute?
Put those back at once.
- Which side do you like to sleep?
- Do you want me to throw you out?
In that case, I'll sleep in the middle.
Smart of you to bribe the manager.
Eye for an eye and a tooth for a toothbrush.
I Suppose you realise, You're behaving like a complete cad.
You're perfectly at liberty to sleep in the corridor, if you want to.
- Hello?
- Oh, I shouldn't, if I were you.
I'd only tell everyone you invited me here.
When I say everyone, I mean everyone.
I have a powerful voice.
- Come out of there at once.
- Not until you bribe the manager
- to restore me to my attic.
- Come out of the bathroom!
Hello. 
Boris?
Look, I was thinking, I might change my mind about that room upstairs if...
Oh, by the way, you might have my things taken upstairs, would you?
You're the most contemptible person I've ever met in all my life
Confidentially, I think you're a bit of a stinker, too.
If we get to Basle on time, we'll see the last day of the match.
Hope the weather's like this in Manchester. 
Perfect wicket for our fellas.
- Isn't it some where here?
- If You Don't Hurry, Margaret, or we shan't get a compartment to ourselves.
Does it matter?
There's still time to change your mind Iris.
Why not Send Charles a telegram, tell him he's all washed up.
No, it's too late. 
This time next week, I shall be a sunburnt offering on an altar in Hanover Square.
I shan't mind, really.
Oh, good morning.
I can't find my bag.
It's a brown holdall, have you seen...
No, of course not. 
Thank you.
I gave it to the porter...
Oh, she dropped her glasses.
- You dropped your glasses.
- Thank you.
- Oh!
- Oh dear, oh dear, oh, dear.
- Oh, my dear.
- Darling, are you hurt?
I don't know. 
What was it?
nevermind about that.This cockeyed station has brained my friend!
Yes Indeed
- What are you going to do about it?
He says, He can't hold the train.
- Hurry up, it's going.
Yes my dear
- I'll be all right.
- Are you sure
Be careful. 
Don't worry.
I'll look after her. 
Such cads.
You sure you're all right?
- Send us a copy of the Times.
- Write and tell us all about it. 
Good luck.
Look after yourself.
There, there. 
You'll be all right in a minute. 
Just take everything quietly.
Put some of this eau de Cologne on your head.
- Do you feel any better?
- Yes, thank you. 
I'm all right now.
What you need is a good, strong cup of tea.
- I'll ring for the attendant.
- No, no pls dont bother.
- I'll go to the dining car myself. 
I need some air.
-Oh Well! 
In that case I'll come with you.
- If you don't mind, that is.
- No, of course not.
Oh, I, I beg your pardon. 
I'm so sorry.
You can always tell a honeymoon couple, you know. 
They're so shy.
- Why did you do that?
- We don't want people staring at us.
Anyone You think the whole legal profession is dogging you.
- One would be enough.
- You thought that beggar was a lawyer.
His face was distinguished enough for a judge.
- You hurried in the opposite direction, I noticed.
-Thats not true I was looking for a street called
- You weren't so careful at first 2days 
- I know, I know.
Anyways As for you meeting someone you know, what about me?
Robert thinks I'm cruising with Mother.
you must be feeling little shaky, I always think it's best to sit in the middle of the coach.
Preferably facing the engine.
- A pot of tea for two, please.
- Very good.
Oh, and just a minute.
Will you please tell them to make it from this? 
I don't drink any other.
And make absolutely sure that the water is really boiling. 
You understand?
It's a fad of mine. 
My father and mother, who, I'm thankful to say, are still alive, and enjoying good health, invariably drink it.
And so, I follow their footsteps. 
Do you know, a million Mexicans drink it?
That's what it says on the packet.
It's kind of you to help me like this.
We haven't introduced ourselves.
My name is Iris Henderson, I'm going home to be married.
Really?
- How very exciting. 
I do hope you'll be happy.
- Thank you.
You'll have children won't you?
They make such a difference.
I think it's being with kiddies that's made me, if I may say so, young for my age.
- I'm a governess you know. 
My name's Froy.
- Did you say Flora?
- Froy.
- I'm sorry, I can't hear.
Froy. 
It rhymes with joy.
Thank you. 
Please reserve two places for lunch.
- If you care to have it with me?
- Of course.
Nothing moot about it, it wasn't out.
But for the umpire's blunder, he'd still be batting.
- What do you mean?
I dont understand 
- I'll show you. 
Look Here
I saw the whole thing.
Now then, there's Hammond, there's the bowler, there's the umpire.
- Sugar?
- Two, please.
Dear me, there is no sugar.
Watch this very very carefully, Caldicott.
Grimmet was bowling.
May I trouble you for the sugar, please?
- What?
- The sugar, please.
Thank you so much.
If I were you, I'd try and get a little sleep.
It'll make you feel well.
There's an intriguing acrostic in The Needlewoman.
I'm going to try and unravel it before you wake up.
Reservations for lunch, please.
- Madam has booked for lunch?
- My friend did, she's got the ticket.
- Have you seen my friend?
- No?
Erm, my friend, where is she?
La signora inglese, the English lady, where is she?
- There has been no English lady here.
- What?
- There has been no English lady here.
- There has. 
She sat there, in the corner.
You saw her, you spoke to her.
She sat next to you.
Ridiculous,She took me to the dining car and came back here with me.
You went and came back alone.
May be you dont understand, I mean the lady who looked after me when I was knocked out.
Ah, perhaps it make-a you forget, eh?
I may be very dense, but if this is some part of a joke, I'm afraid I don't see the point.
- Oh,Steward, you served me tea just now 
- Yes, madam.
- Have you seen the lady I was with? 
english lady?
- But madam was alone.
- Pardon, he make mistake.
- Well ofcourse,He must remember the little English lady.
- She ordered the tea and paid for it.
- It is you who paid.
- He say to look at the bill.
-but She gave you a special packet of tea. you cant forgot me that 
- The tea was ours madam,but I receive no packet.
- But you did.I know what happened.
- Pardon, madam, the bill.
- Er, tea for one.
- But that's not right.
Perhaps madam would examine the bills?
No, the whole thing's too absurd.
Please, have you seen a lady pass through...? 
Oh.
Well, if it isn't old stinker
If I thought you'd be on this train, I'd have stayed another week in the hotel.
- Er, lady, no, why?
- Doesn't matter.
You probably wouldn't recognise one anyway.
Hello? 
Feeling queer?
It's that pipe of yours.
Why don't you throw your old socks away? 
Thanks for the help.
- Oh Come on, sit down,Take it easy what's the trouble?
-You must know Something fell on my head.
- When, infancy?
- At the station.
- Bad luck. 
Can I help?
- Only by going away.
Noo NO No. 
My father always taught me, never desert a lady in trouble.
He even went as far as marrying mother.
- Did you see a lady last night in hotel in tweeds?
- I saw one lady, hardly in tweeds.
- She was in my compartment.i couldnt find her 
- She must be still on the train.We haven't stopped yet
- Of course.Still on the train I know that.
- All right. 
Nobody said she isn't.
- That's just what they are saying.
- Who?
The people in the compartment and the stewards.
- All of them?
- All of them.
- You said you got a knock on the head?
- What do you mean?
- Never mind. 
Do you talk the lingo?
- No.
They probably thought you wanted money.
Let's knock the idea out of their stupid heads.
Unfortunate remark, I beg your pardon.
That's one of them, the little dark man.
I say, Excuse me,there's been a misunderstanding.
This young lady has lost her friend.
yes, I have heard. 
This gentleman has been explaining to me. 
Most interesting.
- I think under circumstances, we shall all introduce ourselves.
- I am Italian citizen.
- My wife and child.
- How do you do. 
Bonny chap, how old?
1934. 
And the lady in the corner is the Baroness Attorna.
Yes. 
I met her husband.He presented crisis at the folk dance festival. 
Minister of Propaganda.
I am Dr Egon Hartz of Prague.
You may have heard of me.
- The brain specialist?
- The same.
You flew to England and operated on a cabinet minister.
- Yes.
- Did you find anything?
- A slight cerebral contusion.
-thats Better than nothing.
I am picking up a similar case at the next station.so much more complicated
I shall operate at the hospital tonight.
A cranial fracture with compression.
- You understand?
- Yes, a wallop on the beam.
-I suppose You haven't seen my friend?
- Unfortunately No.
I'll just take a word with the baroness.
- Scusi, avete visto la signora?
- No. 
Non I'ha vista.
- What do they say?
- They say that they've never seen her.
- But that wasn't true, she was sitting where you are.
- Can you describe her?
But that's difficult you see, She was sort of middle age.
- What was she wearing?
- Tweeds. 
Oatmeal, flecks of brown, a three-quarter coat with patch pockets, a scarf, felt hat, brown shoes, a tussore shirt and a small, blue handkerchief in her breast pocket.
- I can't remember any more.
- You weren't paying attention!
- You both went along to tea?
- Yes.
- Surely you met somebody?
- I suppose we did, but...
Wait.. 
let me think. 
There was an Englishman who passed the sugar.
- Right. 
Let's go and dig him out.
- I come with you. 
This is more interesting to me
We don't like people muscling in but we'll make you a member.
Wait, when passed this compartment Miss Froy stumbled in
There was a tall gentleman and a lady.
Alrite,Now we are getting some,If we can find someone who saw her, we'll search the place.
- Can I be of assistance?
- That's the gentlemen
Do you remember seeing this lady pass here with a little English woman?
I'm, er, I'm afraid not.
But you must have. 
She almost fell into your compartment.
It's very important. 
Everybody's saying she wasn't on the train but I know she is.
I'm going to find her, even if I have to stop the train to do it.
Caldicott, this is Charters, can I come in?
That girl we saw at the hotel is kicking up a devil of a fuss.
- Says she's lost her friend.
- She hasn't been in here.
- She threatens to stop the train.
- Oh, Lord.
If we miss our connection, we won't make Manchester in time.
- This is serious.
- Let's hide in here.
Sorry, I haven't the faintest recollection.
You must be making a mistake.
Well,He obviously doesn't remember.
Let's go and look for the other fellow.
Who were you talking to, outside?
Oh, nobody. 
Just, er, some people in the corridor, arguing.
- There he is. 
That's the man.
- Oh, I wonder if I could bother you?
- I wonder if you can help?
- How?
I was having tea with an English lady. 
You saw her? 
didn't you
- I don't know, I was talking to my friend.
- Indubitably.
Yes, You were sitting in the next table She turned and borrowed the sugar.
- You must remember.
- I recall passing the sugar.
- Then you saw her?
- We were discussing cricket.
I don't see how a thing like cricket can make you forget.
If that's your attitude, obviously there's nothing more to say.
Come, Caldicott. 
Thing like cricket!
We should have said we were looking for a lost cricket ball.
-yes, but he spoke to her, There must be some explanation.
- There is.
Please forgive me, iam quite possibly be wrong,but I have known cases where a sudden shock or blow
- has induced a most vivid impression.
- I understand.
- You don't believe me.
- It's not a question of belief.
Even a concussion may have curious effects upon an imaginative person.
Yes,But I can remember every little detail.
Her name, Miss Froy, everything.
So interesting. you know If one had time, one could trace the cause of the hallucination.
- Hallucination?
-oh! 
Precisely.
There is no Miss Froy, there wasn't Miss Froy merely a vivid, subjective image.
- I met her last night at the hotel.
- You thought you did.
- But what about the name?
- Some past association, an advertisement or a character in a novel, subconsciously remembered.
There is no reason to be frightened, if you are quiet and relax.
Thank you very much.
If you will excuse me, this is where my patient comes aboard. 
Excuse me.
Most interesting.
- Stopping.
- This is the first stop, isn't it?
- Mm-hm.
- oh then Miss Froy must still be on the train.
you Look out of this window and see if she gets off this side. 
I'll take the other.
Most interesting.
- What was she dressed in, Scotch tweeds?
- Oatmeal tweeds.
I knew it had something to do with porridge.
How long does it take to get a divorce?
- Eric?
- I-I beg your pardon. 
I wasn't listening.
- I said how long does it take to get a divorce?
- That depends. 
Why?
I was wondering whether we could take our honeymoon next spring.
- I mean, the official one.
- The difficulties are considerable.
but, one thing The courts are very crowded just now.
Although we barristers ought not to complain about that.
With conditions as they are now, my chances of becoming a judge are rosy.
That is, if nothing untoward occurs.
Such as you being mixed up in a divorce case.
-Yes
In that first careless rapture, you said didn't care what happened.
The law, like Caesar's wife, must be above suspicion.
Even when the law spends six weeks with Caesar's wife?
-Look here
Now I know why you've been running around like a scared rabbit.
- Why you lied a few minutes ago.
- I lied?
Yes, to those people in the corridor.
I heard every word you said.
merely,I didn't wish to be mixed up in any inquiry.
Inquiry! 
Just because a little woman can't be found.
That girl was making a Fuzz,If the woman had disappeared and I'd admitted having seen her, we might become vital witnesses.
My name might appear in the papers, coupled with yours.
A scandal like that might lead anywhere.
- Anywhere.
- Yes.
I suppose it might.
- Nobody?
- Nobody.
All that came out my side was two bits of orange peel and a paper bag.
I know there's a Miss Froy. 
She's real as you are
That's what you saying , I believe it but doesnt appear nobody else has seen her.
I saw her, I think.
You did?
- A little woman in tweeds wearing 3 quarter clothes 
- With a scarf? 
-thats rite
- I saw her with you when you passed the compartment 
- I knew I was right.
- But Your husband said he hadn't seen her.
- He didn't notice but as soon as he mentioned it I remembered at once
You win. 
This calls for action.
Would you make a statement?
- Of course, if it helps.
- Pardon, my patient has just arrived.most fascinating complication
We've some news.
This lady actually saw Miss Froy.
-So We shall have the train searched.
- You like to think a fresh theory. doctor?
It isn't not Necessary,My theory was perfectly good one.
The facts were misleading.
- I hope you find your friend. 
Excuse me.
- I'll be in here if you want me
Right you are. 
Come along.
Eric.
I was only going to mention that i told that girl that I'd seen her friend.
- Have you taken leave of your senses?
- On the contrary. 
I've come to them.
- What do you mean?
- If there's scandal, there'd be a divorce.
You couldn't let me down.could you You will have to do the decent thing,
- as reluctantly as only you know how.
- You forget one important thing, Margaret.
Your husband would divorce you but whatever happens my wife will never divorce me.
I tell you, we're going to search the train.
Ah, signorina...
Your friend, she come back.
- Come back?
- Sí, sí.
- But what happened?
- You go see. 
She tell you. 
Scusi.
Thanks. 
All right, relax, the crisis is over.
come on,Let's join the lady.
- Here we are.
- Miss Froy.
- That isn't Miss Froy.
- Isn't it?
- No.
- It's silly to say but are you Miss Froy?
No. 
I am Madam Kummer.
She helped you into the carriage, then went to see some friends.
As you spoke of the English lady, she didn't connect her with Madam Kummer.
But she wasn't the lady i saw. 
It was Miss Froy.
- Oatmeal tweeds, blouse...
-yes I know, everything's the same
- but it isn't her. beg your pardon 
- When did you meet Miss Froy?
- Last night, at the hotel.
- Was she wearing a costume like this?
- Yes, I think so.
- Then I must apologise. 
You did meet her.
- Then...
- But not on this train.
In your subconscious, you substituted Miss Froy for Madam Kummer.
but I didn't. 
I couldn't have actually I talked to her here.
An English lady saw her.
If this lady wouldn't mind...
Bon, aprés vous, madame.
What a gift for languages the fellow's got.
Would you tell us, is this the woman you saw?
It isn't a bit like her, is it?
- Yes, she's the woman.
- It isn't, I tell you.
Are you sure?
- Perfectly.
- She isn't, she isn't.
Come on, then. 
I'm so sorry to have troubled you.
Well? 
Aren't you going to say anything?
- You might at least gloat, if nothing else.
- You only did it to save your own skin.
She was lying. 
I saw it in her face.
They're all lying, but why?
Why don't you sit down?
take it easy
Do you think I substituted Miss Froy's face for Madam Kummer's?
- I think a change'd be an improvement.
- Miss Froy was on this train and nothing will convince me otherwise.
Must you follow me round like a pet dog?
Let's say a watchdog, I've got all the better instincts.
Goodbye.
The doctor was right, I never saw Miss Froy on the train.
I'm glad you're gonna take it like that.
Forget all about it.
Make your mind a complete blank.
Watch me, you can't go wrong.
- What about something to eat?
- Anything. 
-Thats rite come along
Would you like a little air?
\~
- Thanks.
- Can you eat anything?
- I could try.
-thats the spirit You'll feel a different girl tomorrow.
- I hope so.
I don't want to meet my fiancé a nervous wreck.
Your what?
I'm being married on Thursday.
- Quite sure you're not imagining that?
- Positive.
Oh, I was afraid so. 
Ah, food.
- I couldn't face it.
- Mind if I talk with my mouth full?
- If you must.
- Care to hear about my early life?
- I don't think so.
- Well then, I'll begin with my father.
you know It's remarkable how many great men began with their father. 
Drink?
- A cup of tea, please.
My father was a very colourful character and he was strongly addicted to...
You'll never guess?
- Harriman's Herbal Tea.
- No! 
Double scotch.
- A million Mexicans drink it.
- Maybe but Father didn't.
Miss Froy gave the waiter a packet of it.
- A packet of what?
- Harriman's Herbal Tea.
We agreed you'd make your mind a complete blank.
- But it's so real, I'm sure it happened.
- Did we or did we not?
We did. 
Sorry.
Go on telling me about your father.
My father was a very remarkable man.
- Did he play the clarionet?
- He did.
He never put it down unless it was absolutely necessary.
I couldn't help inheriting his love of music.
- Why not?
- It was all he left me.
You know, you're remarkably attractive.
Has anyone ever told you?
We were discussing you.
- Yes, of course. 
Do you like me?
- Not much.
After I'd paid my father's debts, I started to travel, until they tried to cash the cheques.
I'm writing a book now.
Would you like to buy a copy?
I'd love to. 
When will it be out?
About four years.
- That's a very long time.
- It's a very long book.
Do you know why you fascinate me?
I'll tell you.
You have got two qualities I admired in Father, you haven't any manners at all and you're always seeing things.
- What's the matter?
- Look.
- It's gone!
- What's gone?
Miss Froy's name on the window.
you saw it You must have seen it! 
She is on the train
Now, steady, steady.
We've got to find her. 
Something's happening to her. 
Stop the train.
Listen everybodyThere's a woman on this train 
- Miss Froy. 
They're hiding her somewhere.
I appeal to you to stop the train.
Please help me.
Make them stop the train.
Why don't you do something before it's too late?
- Please.
- You think I'm crazy but I'm not.
For heaven's sake Stop this train! 
Leave me alone.
- Leave me alone!
Huh! 
Ten minutes late thanks to that fool of a girl.
She gets up to any more tricks, we'll be too late for the match.
- I suppose you couldn't put it to her?
- What?
Well, people just don't vanish and so forth.
- She has.
- What?
Vanished.
- Who?
- The old dame.
- Yes.
- Well.
- Well, how could she?
- What?
- Vanish.
- I don't know.
That explains my point.
People don't disappear into thin air.
- It's done in India.
- What?
- The rope trick.
- Oh, that.
It never comes out in a photograph.
Look, in half an hour we'll stop at Morshkan, just before the border.
I will leave there with my patient for the National Hospital.
If you come with me, you can stay overnight in a private ward.
- You need rest.
- Sorry, nothing doing.
Isn't there anything we can do?
Yes. 
Find Miss Froy.
I tell you, if she does not rest, I will not answer for her.
You persuade her, she likes you.
I'm as popular as a dose of strychnine.
If you coat it with sugar, she may swallow it.
Cosmopolitan trains.
People of all nations.
I've just seen at least a million Mexicans in the corridor.
I thought I'd look in to tell you to think over what Dr Hartz said.
If you fell like changing your mind, I'll be hanging around.
- What's all the mystery?
- Miss Froy is on this train.
I've just seen that packet of tea in the rubbish.
- She may be dead now.
- Dead or...
For sheer variety, give me an English summer...
We'll search the train.
There's something definitely queer here.
Looks like a supply service for trunk murderers.
Look at that!
- All right, Miss Froy, it's only us.
- Hurry up.
Perhaps it's Miss Froy bewitched!
I refuse to be discouraged.
Faint heart never found old lady.
- Do you know anything about her?
- No.
Only that she was a governess going back home.
- What is this thing?
- Can't imagine.
There might be something down here.
- What on earth...?
- Our Italian friend.
I've got it! 
Wait a minute.
There you are, the Great Doppo.
- His visiting card, look.
- What's it say?
Magician, illusionist, mind-reader see his fascinating act, the vanishing... 
lady.
- The vanishing lady?
- Perhaps that's the explanation.
- What?
- He's practising on Miss Froy.
- Perhaps it's a publicity stunt.
- No.
What about the Baroness and Madame Kummer?
- What's your theory?
- I don't know. 
My theory? 
I'll tell you.
Oh, dear! 
I can't get...
- Where are you?
- In here. 
With a smell of camphor ball.
- I can't see you.
- I'm about somewhere.
- Here I am. 
Where are you?
- I don't know.
This is what comes of not saying abracadabra.
- Ooh! 
Ooh!
- Are you hurt?
- Come on, out of it.
- Not much.
- Come and sit down.
- What is that?
In magic circles, we call it the disappearing cabinet.
- You get inside and you vanish.
- So I noticed.
You were about to tell me of your theory.
Oh, my theory. 
Well... my theory, my dear Watson, is that we are in very deep waters indeed.
- Ahem.
- Oh! 
Thank you very much.
Let us marshal our facts over a pipe full of shag.
A little old lady disappears, everyone who saw her insists she was never there, right?
- Right.
- We know that she was, therefore they did see her and so are lying.
- Why?
- I don't know. 
I'm only Watson.
Don't bury yourself in the part.
They daren't face an enquiry as Miss Froy's still on this train.
- I told you that hours ago.
- Yes, so you did.
- For that you shall have a cigar.
- Ooh, thank you.
only onething we got to do we must search the train in disguise.
- As what?
Well, er...
- English gentleman.
- They'd see through you.
Perhaps you're right. 
Aha!
Will Hay.
Now, boys, boys, which of you has stolen Miss Froy? 
Own up!
- Give those glasses to me.
- Why?
- They're Miss Froy's.
- Are you sure?
Yes. 
Where did you find them?
- Down here. 
The glass is broken.
- Probably in the struggle.
Do you realise that this is our first piece of tangible proof?
That's the lot.
Will you please give me those spectacles? 
They belong to me. 
Please.
- Are you sure?
- Datemi questi occhiali!
Naughty, naughty. 
That's a large nose for a small pair of spectacles.
That's the game, is it?
We'll see about that.
They're Froy's glasses and you know it.
She's been here and you know that too.
Don't stand there hopping about, kick him, see if he's got a false bottom.
Hang on, I'll get him up.
Ow! 
That doesn't help.
Quick, pull his ears back.
Give them a twist.
Now I've got him.
He's got a knife.
Get hold of it before he cuts a slice off me.
I can't reach it.
Aah!
Well done, that's it. 
That's it.
We know how that thing works, come out of there.
Is he out?
We've got to hide him somewhere.
- What's in here?
- Hurry up, quick, before he comes to.
It's empty. 
We can lock it.
Come on.
- Oh, no, you don't.
- What's the matter?
Garlic. 
I'll be all right in a minute.
- Here, let's tie him up.
- Oh, yes.
So we definitely know that Miss Froy was on this train and our friend in here had something to do with it.
That ought to keep him quiet till we find her.
Hard work but worth it.
Let's have the evidence.
- Evidence?
- The glasses.
- You've got them.
- No, I haven't got them.
- Oh!
- He's got them.
He isn't there!
Snookered! 
It's a false bottom.
- The twister! 
He's a contortionist.
- He's gone.
To find the others. 
We can't fight the whole train, we need allies.
- But who can we trust?
- That's the snag.
There's that Dr Hartz person.
Yes, you're right.
Let's show him the symptoms.
Oh, wait a minute.
This is the one.
He's not there.
Listen... 
I've just had a particularly idiotic idea.
- I can believe that.
- Supposing that patient is Miss Froy.
It didn't come on the train till after Miss Froy disappeared.
Oh, yes. 
Idiotic.
Come on, let's find the doctor.
- No, wait a minute.
- What is it?
Notice anything wrong about that nun?
- No.
I don't think she's a nun, they don't wear high heels.
Yes, you're right. 
Did you see Madame Kummer get on the train?
- No.
- Well... supposing they decoyed Miss Froy into the luggage van and hid her, the first stop, a patient comes aboard, all wrapped up, the patient is Madame Kummer, she becomes Miss Froy,
Miss Froy becomes that.
But why go to all this trouble to kidnap a harmless governess?
Maybe it isn't a governess at all.
Perhaps it's some political thing.
Let's investigate.
Parlez vous français?
Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
You'll just have to cope with English.
Can we look at your patient?
Thank you. 
Keep an eye on the nun.
What are you doing here?
Why are you in here?
This is a most serious accident case, you have no business to be here. leave her view
Dr Hartz, we want you to Undo bandages and to look at your patient's face.
Are you out of your senses?
There is no face there.
Nothing but lumps of raw flesh.
that is the case He has lost so much blood only a transfusion can save him.
- Do You want me to murder my patient?
- You're sure this is your patient?
- We believe it's Miss Froy.
- Miss Froy!
You can't be serious?
Whatever put such ideas into your head?
- I understand she's deaf and dumb.
- But she may lip-read.
It's possible. 
In that case, perhaps you'll join me in the dining car.
I'll be with you in a moment, I want to be sure my patient hasn't been disturbed.
How do I know how they cottoned on?
Somebody must have tipped 'em off.
You never said the old girl was English.
What difference does that make?
In a few moments I shall order three drinks in the dining car.
Mine will be chartreuse.
One of the stewards is working for us, now, listen.carefully
There's that girl again.
Seems to have recovered.
Lucky it blew over.
Now, tell me what this is all about.
Have you ever seen your patient?
No. 
I just had a message to operate at Morshkan.
- How do you know it's not Miss Froy?
- We believe it's a substitution.
- You really think... that someone else - tararar umm...
Oh, I want a green chartreuse.
- Won't you join me?
- Thanks. 
A large brandy.
- And you?
- I don't want anything.
- Come on.
- No, really.
It'll pick you up.
All right, just a small one.
Two brandies and a chartreuse.
Do you know anything about the nun who's looking after your patient?
Nun!
,No, only that she's from a convent close to where the accident occurred.
It's peculiar that she's wearing high-heeled shoes.
Oh, is she?
That is rather curious, isn't it?
It's a conspiracy.
All these people on the train say they haven't seen Miss Froy but they have.., we know that , because just now in the luggage van..
She's off again.
Hope she doesn't create another scene.
Put the lid on our getting back in time.
...and then this fella Doppo came and grabbed the glasses.
Yeah, we had a bit of a fight.
- Oh, a fight?
- We knocked him out.
Oh!
- He's made a speedy recovery.
- Yes. 
All that's just bluff.
- Here.
- Grazie.
How could he be involved in a conspiracy?
Look at the poor fellow, he's just a harmless traveller.
- He's also a music-hall artist on tour.
- Well?
The baroness's husband is Minister of Propaganda, he can cancel his tour.
- Oh, I see.
- And if the stewards don't behave, they have a cosy brick wall to run up against.
B-But tell me about the English travellers, they denied seeing her.
Just British diplomacy, never climb a fence if you can sit on it.
I can't understand why anyone would want to dispose of the old lady.
That's what stumps us but she was on this train and now she's... gone.
Well... if you're right then the whole train is against us.
What are we going to do?
In view of what you just told me, I-I shall risk examining the patient.
- Come on...
- One moment.
We mustn't act suspicious, behave as is if nothing had happened.
A drink, that'll steady your nerve.
To our health.
And may our enemies, if they exist, be unconscious of our purpose.
Let's go, we must hurry now.
Come on, drink up.
Wait in here.
Go on.
- Anything wrong?
- Nothing.
Except they noticed you were wearing high heels.
However, it makes no difference.
We shall reach Morshkan in three minutes.
Quite an eventful journey.
Well?
Yes, the patient is Miss Froy.
She will be taken off the train at Morshkan.
She will be removed to the hospital and operated on.
Unfortunately, the operation will not be successful.
Oh, I should perhaps have explained.
The operation will be performed... by me.
You see, I am in this conspiracy, as you term it.
You are a very alert young couple but it's quite useless to think of a way out of your dilemma.
The drinks you had just now .I regret to say contained a quantity of hydrocin.
FYI,It is a little-known drug which has the effect, in a small quantity, of paralysing the brain and rendering the victim unconscious for considerable period.
In a slightly larger quantity, of course, it induces madness.
However, you have my word the dose was a normal one.
In a few moments you will join your young friend.
Need I say how sorry I am having to take such a...
How shall I say? 
Melodramatic course.
But your persistent meddling made it necessary.
- Are you all right? 
You fainted.
- Did I?
Listen! 
There is a woman next door is going to be murdered and we've got to go before this stuff takes effect.
I read that if you keep going, you can stay awake.
Right. 
Let's get going.
It's locked.
We can't go that way, we'll be spotted.
- You can't do that!
- Don't worry, it's only next door.
You stand on your head, touch ur toes, anything, only, whatever you do, don't fall asleep.
Go on, you needn't be afraid, it is Miss Froy.
You haven't been drugged. 
He told me to put something in your drink but I didn't.
Who the devil are you? 
He said you are deaf  dumb
Never mind about that. 
If you want to save her, you've got to hurry.
Hartz will be back in a min, what will happen then?
If we can hold him off till get past Morshkan, the frontier's a few miles beyond the station.
Come on, there's still time.
- 500 solamente?
Dopo tutto quello che ho fatto?
Cosa poi di questo orecchio mozzicato da quella ragazza?
That's Morshkan. 
Have you finished?
Come on, Miss Froy.
Cut it out, you're not drugged.
I'll explain later. 
Abracadabra.
Miss Froy! 
Oh, I can't believe it!
- Thank you, my dear. 
Thank you.
- Careful.
- Ready?
- Yes.
Are you all right miss Froy?
Yes. thankyou It's like rush hour on the underground.
Careful, it's slowing down.
Drat.
I'm sorry you've had such an uncomfortable journey, Miss Froy.
Get back on the train.
I hope nothing goes wrong.
Aren't we stopping rather a long time?
The ambulance is going.
We'll be off soon.
In a few minutes we'll be over the border.
No, I've been well-paid but this was murder and she was an English woman.
- You are Bandrikan?
- My husband was. 
I'm English.
You were going to butcher her in cold blood
Your little diversion made it necessary not only to remove the lady but two others as well.
You can't do that.
Also, it would be unwise of us to permit the existence of anyone who cannot be trusted.
- You wouldn't dare. 
I know too much.
- Precisely.
I think we're over the border now.
- You can come out, Miss Froy.
- Oh, bless me.
What an unpleasant journey.
Never mind. 
You shall have a corner seat for the rest of the way.
There you are.Now it's over, I think you should tell us what it's all about.
- What was that scream?
- It was only the train.
- It wasn't.
Be careful.
They've rumbled. 
We're on a branch line.
Oh, dear, dear.
Who are you and why do they want you?
I haven't the faintest idea.
I'm a governess.
I can only think that They've made a terrible mistake.
Why are you holding out on us?
Tell us the truth.
You might at least trust us.
I really don't kn... 
I...
- I wonder if there's anyone on the train.
- There's only the dining car in front.
What time is it? 
Teatime.
Well, all the English will be there.
Come on, we'd better stick together.
There's the old girl turned up.
Told you it was a lot of fuss about nothing. 
Bolt must have jammed.
I've got something to say. will you all please listen?
An attempt was made to abduct this lady by force and I believe the people who did it will try again.
- What's he drivelling about?
- Look out window. 
This train's been diverted on to branch line.
- What are you talking about?
- We're telling you the truth!
I'm not interested.
You've annoyed us enough already on ridiculous stuff
You've got the wrong end of the stick.
- Things like that just don't happen.
- We're not in England now.
- I don't see what difference that makes.
- We're stopping.
See those cars?
They're here to take Miss Froy away.
Nonsense.
Look, there go a couple of people.
The car's come to pick them up.
-In that case Then why the trouble of uncoupling the train and diverting it?
- Uncoupling?
- There's no train after the sleeping car.
- Our bags are in first class.
Not any longer. 
Like to come and look?
If this is a practical joke, I dont think it's not very funny.
Good Lord!
Get some brandy.
You don't suppose there's something in his story, do you?
- Seems a bit queer.
- After all, people don't tie up nuns.
Thank you.
Someone's coming.
They can't harm us, we're British subjects.
I have come to offer the most sincere apologies.
An extremely serious incident has occurred - an attempt was made to interfere with passengers on this train.
- The authorities were notified so if you'll accompany me to Morshkan, I will inform the British Embassy.
The cars are at your disposal.
We're grateful. 
Lucky some of you fellows understand English.
- Well, I was at Oxford.
- So was I. What year?
This woman's trying to say something.
I don't understand the language.
would you?
That's fixed him.
- What the blazes did you do that for?
- I was at Cambridge.
- You heard what he said? 
I heard what she said 
- It's a trick to get us off the train.
I don't believe it. 
The man's explanation was quite satisfactory.
A thing like this might cause a war.
I'm going outside.
It's up to us to apologise.
Wh... 
Do...
- You were right. 
Do you mind?
- Certainly.
Look as if they mean business.
-Quite so, we cant do anything it'd mean an international situation.
- It's happened.
- They're coming.
- Don't let them in! 
They'll murder us. 
They cant let us go now
I order you to surrender at once.
Nothing doing. 
Come any nearer, I'll fire.
I've warned you.
Better take cover, it'll start soon.
Nasty jam this. 
Don't like the look of it.
- Got plenty of ammunition?
- A whole pouch.
- Duck down.
- I'm not fighting. 
It's madness.
It'll be safer to protest down here.
They're trying to work around other side
You're behaving like fools.
What chance have we got?
You heard what the mother superior said - we surrender and we're in for it.
Never get to the match now.
- Give it to me. 
Give it to me!
- No.
- What's going on?
- He's got a gun and he won't use it.
- What's the idea?
-told this I won't be a party to this.
- I don't believe in fighting.
- Pacifist, eh? 
Won't work. 
Hand it over.
I'm not afraid to use it.
I'm probably more used to it.
I once won a box of cigars.
He's talking rot, he's a damn good shot.
You know, I'm half-inclined to believe... that there's some rational explanation to all this.
Rotten! 
Only knocked his hat off.
Would you mind if I talked to you for a minute?
- What, now?
- Yes, forgive me but it's very important.
- Hang on to this, will you?
I'm so glad you can make it toTokyo this weekend.
I've got it all planned. 
No. 
I know a wonderful restaurant thatyou're just gonna love.
And then afterwards we're gonna go see the Kabuki.
And it's just gonna be such an extra special birthday for me.
And, oh, we're gonna have a wonderful time.
Yeah. 
I'll seeyou tomorrow.
Bye.
[Hawkeye ] Say, Beeej. 
Didyou ordera cow?
This farmerjust wandered in looking for a doctor.
I just happen to have one on me.
I am Lee Seung-Chul.
Hi. 
I'm Dr. Pierce.
What's the problem?
No. 
It is not for me. 
It's-
[Both ] Oh.
- Look at that.
- Holy cow. 
What happened?
Bombs vey close to my home.
Our family able to get cover.
But animal not so lucky.
She is only one left.
- Those wounds are pretty deep.
- That's only part ofthe problem.
- She's pregnant.
- She give birth soon.
I am worried for her safety and for calf.
I'm afraid their family needs both ofthem vey badly.
We'll do what we can, but I
- I mean, we have to figure out how to start first.
You know how to make a cow say "Ah"?
Not without getting emotionally involved.
I'm afraid cows are a little out of our field.
We specialize in patients with two legs and one stomach.
She doesn't seem to be in immediate danger, but we're gonna have to get help for this.
- Why don't we talk to Colonel Potter?
- Yeah.
- Old farmhand like him should know what to do.
- Stay in the waiting room.
Boys, I know just what to do.
Klinger, get on the horn to "I" Corps...
- and see ifyou can track down that veterinarian.
- Wait a minute. 
That's it?
I thought stufflike this was supposed to be second nature to farm folk.
The only thing that was second nature to this farmerwas the vet's phone number.
I don't know nothin' about birthin' no bovines.
I don't know nothin' about birthin' no bovines.
- Colonel, you wanted to see me?
- Yes indeedy, Major.
The surgeon general's office has just given us permission to begin using Levophed.
Soyou'll have to brief your nurses on administering it.
- Fine. 
I'll do it first thing Monday morning.
- Uh, sory, Major.
The drug and the instructions are due here tomorrow afternoon... and your staffhas gotta be primed immediately.
But, sir, I'm going on R  R. You gave me a three-day pass. 
Remember?
- You've still got it. 
You'll just have to postpone a couple days.
- But that's not fair!
Margaret, what's the difference?
In Korea, evey day is a holiday.
Congratulations, Doctors.
I've just put through the call.
- Dr. Landau will hearyou now.
- good. 
I'll talk to him.
- Colonel- 
- Excuse me, Margaret. 
This is bigger than all of us.
Ifl could get somebodyto give the lecture for me, could I still go tomorrow?
Fine by me. 
But regs say it's gotta be done by someone who's at least a major.
## [Piano: 
Classical]
## [ Continues ]
- good afternoon, Charles.
- Major.
- Am I disturbing you?
- Not yet.
- I was wondering if I could, uh, talk to you about- 
- Now you are.
I'm sory. 
I see I've come at a bad time... but ifl don't, uh, come now... and I come later, it'll be too late... because later it'll be tomorrow.
Margaret, since you seem to have your heart set on disturbing me... would you at least do it with dispatch?
- Certainly. 
Oh, what lovely music that is. 
So bright and cheerful.
- ## [ Continues ]
- Mozart, isn't it?
- [ Chuckles ] Mussorgsky.
Well, you're only a hundred years off, and both their names do begin with an "M."
Margaret, should there, by any chance... be a point to this conversation, would you please get to it?
[ Laughing ] It's
- It's nothing. 
Really. 
Nothing.
It's just that tomorrow I'm supposed to deliver a lecture to my staff... on the administering of Levophed, and I was wondering whetheryou could do it for me.
Margaret, correct me ifI'm wrong... but whatyou're asking me to do sounds dangerously close to nurse's duty.
Yes. 
But, you see, I was supposed to go to Tokyo tomorrow.
Margaret, even Winchesterwomen do not do women's work.
Well... that's certainly understandable.
But it has to be done by at least a major.
And just think ofwhat it would mean to my staff... to have it delivered by a man ofyour caliber.
Margaret, you are perceptive, if not sincere.
Let's examine this from a Winchester point ofview.
What's in it for me?
- What doyou want? 
Name it.
- Well...
let's see.
Lately I have had a craving... to hear the Beethoven Emperor Piano Concerto.
That's it? 
Y-You'll do it?
I get that, you'll do it?
Well, of course, it must be the incomparable Artur Schnabel as soloist.
- Of course. 
Schnabel.
- Ah
- And not the 1 947 performance.
It's
- It's- It's just tentative.
On the other hand, the 1 932 performance with its limpid runs-
Oh, come on, Charles.
Where the hell am I gonna get that?
Now, Margaret, there should be no problem for a person... with your understanding of classical music.
You're absolutely right.
Ifl can't find that record...
I'll find that Schnabel guy, and I'll bring him here to play it foryou personally.
##[Continues ]
Excuse me. 
Can a person go back for more?
gee. 
I don't know.
Nobody's ever tried.
- Okay. 
We finally got through to the animal doctor.
- What did he say?
Well, we're still doing nothing, but now we know it's the right thing to do.
He says, if possible, we should not remove the fragments till after the calfis born.
- We'd have to use anesthesia, and that could kill the calf.
- Oh, dear.
Uh, doyou know when calfwill be born?
According to the vet, anytime in the next day or two.
Next day or two?
gentlemen, I've just had a stroke of genius.
- Please, keep us in suspense.
- A calflottey.
I'll sell a hundred chances at a buck apiece.
Whoever guesses the time ofbirth will win 50 bucks... which means I'll alsowin 50, no matterwhen it's born.
Klinger, it may not be genius, but I definitely thinkyou've had a stroke.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Opportunity knocks, and I am the doorman.
Oh!
[Klinger] Okay, Scavelli. 
You're down for 1 1:28 tomorrow.
Great time to have a calf.
Careful! 
You're dripping on the sign-up sheet.
What aboutyou, Davidson?
Saturday afternoon's wide open.
I realize you don 't have a buck on you, but I'll carryyou till tomorrow.
- [ Margaret ] Klinger, youejerk!
- [ Man ] What's going on?
- There 's a woman in here.
- [ Klinger] See, guys? 
She can 't even wait to place her bet.
You Arabian aardvark! 
You're supposed to be driving me to the airport right now!
No, I'm not. 
That's not until 1 600. 
Oops.
Oops, your face! 
You've got five seconds to get myjeep and get me out ofhere!
- Four, three- 
- But I was in the middle of a hot business transaction.
I'm not gonna miss my airplane over some crazy cow contest! 
Now move it!
You don't understand.
I haven't even cleared the break-even point.
Ifl don't sell any more tickets, I could lose several shirts.
- Can'tyou find anybody else?
- I don't want anybody else.
Nobody knows these roads as well as you do, and anyway, you promised me three days ago.
- Okay.Just let me sell a few more tickets.
- No!
And if I miss my airplane...
I am gonna take a vey heavy object... and makeyour face look like a pizza.
- One more ticket.
- All right. 
Okay. 
Okay, okay.
- Okay. 
Here. 
Here. get myjeep.
- Uh-huh. 
What time?
- Now!
- No! 
I mean for the lottey!
- Make up a time! 
Now scram!
- Scramming, sir.
[Slapping]
[Hawkeye ] Uh, back. 
Behind. 
No. 
Uh
- Uh-
Rumpelstiltskin!
No. 
Uh, uh-
Tush. 
Tush. 
Tuchus!
"Spar-tuchus."
gentlemen, must we have these mindless children's games... while I am attempting to prepare a lecture?
Oh, sure. 
You got something to occupyyourselfwith.
Uh, rear. 
End.
Dead End Kids!
Ah. 
We got nothing to do but sit and wait.
We're on cattle call.
-We could be fathers any minute.
-So go wait in the maternity barn.
All right. 
We'll knock it off, but I gotta get this charade, or I'll go crazy.
Let me giveyou a little hint.
Ty A Tale ofTwo Cities.
- That is the stupidest guess I have- 
- Mmm! 
Mmm!
- That's it? 
That's-A- 
- Tail!
- Oh, please.
- Charles, you're pretty good.
Want to take Hawkeye's place?
Hunnicutt, even your inane child's game... would be a preferable alternative to preparing a lecture on Levophed.
Taking this drug makes one's blood pressure rise... and reading about it makes one's lids fall.
Charles, I would thinkyou would leap at the opportunity.
Where else could you talk for over a minute without people leaving the room?
Usuallywhen you run off at the mouth, people run off.
Sory to break up this powwow, boys, but Bossie says it's time to call the cab.
- Oh.
- You get her up on the table. 
I'll hold her hand.
Anybody know where I can get a cigar that says "It's a heifer"?
You coming, Winchester? 
I'll bet a city fella likeyou hasn't had a chance to see this before.
I've also never had the opportunity to swim in a barrelful oflive squid... but thankyou for making a boring lecture seem like the best job in town.
Klinger, will you hury up with that.
I packed less than this when I moved here.
Hey, hey. 
Wh-What's all the commotion?
Nothing serious.
We're just having a cow.
A cow? 
Now?
I'll be financially ruined.
Ifyou don't step on it, buster, you're gonna be physically ruined.
How long till the blessed catastrophe?
Who knows? 
Maybe an hour.
Maybe all day.
Then that means I still got a chance to get back in time to sell more tickets.
Let's go, Major.
I haven't got all day.
- [ Margaret ] Can'tyou go any faster?
- [ Klinger] Unfortunately, no.
What's that cow got against me anyway?
Okay, so I like a good T-bone now and then.
Hold it! 
Hold it!
- Where does that road go?
- To Kimpo.
- Is it faster?
- The same way as a barrel is to the bottom of Niagara Falls.
Ifit's faster, then take it.
Look, Major. 
No one wants to get to Kimpo any quicker than I do... but I'm telling you, that road is full of rocks and potholes- 
- Ifit's faster, then take it.
- Major, I'm telling you-
This is a U.S. Armyjeep.
It can take anything.
Now turn right.
And that's an order.
[ Sighs ] Okay, Major.
Banzai!
Can you believe this? 
They can make a bazooka that'll partyour hair from two miles away... but they still haven't found out a way to monitor a cow's blood pressure.
Her pulse is thready. 
Must be slowing the blood supply to her uterus.
- Probably internal bleeding from the shrapnel.
- [ Sighs ]
There's nothing else we can do now.
I better get that vet on the phone.
Don't look at me that way.
We're doing the best we can.
[ Margaret ] Klinger, stay on the road!
[ Klinger] This is the road! 
I told you it was rocky.
[ Margaret ] These aren't rocks! 
They're boulders!
Watch it!
[ Engine Stops ]
Why areyou stopping?
I, uh, wanted to keep going, but I thought I'd staywith the jeep.
[ Engine Cranking ]
Dosomething! 
Fix it!
Why didn't I think ofthat?
- [ Chattering ] 
- Ladies, you will please takeyour places.
We will begin.
Let's get this overwith as quickly as possible.
As you will have observed, I am not Major Houlihan.
So much the better foryou.
Now then.
Levophed bitartrate is a powerful new vasoconstrictor. 
It is to be u-
Lieutenant Nakahara.
What is it?
Dr. Winchester, could you please slow down so we can take notes?
Veywell.
It is to be administered... only in cases of severe trauma... until the blood volume has been restored.
Nurse Kellye redux.
What now?
Uh, to go any slower would be to stop.
Oh, that's not it, Dr. Winchester.
I just thought it might help us to know a little about the histoy of Levophed.
Indeed.
Yesterday this was at "I" Corps.
Today it is here.
But let's not dwell on the past.
Okay. 
I got it.
Um, hold on. 
Let me see ifl can relay this information.
Hawk. 
Hawkeye, ifyou can hear me, Dr. Landau says... first thing to do is stickyour hand inside... and see ifyou can feel the calf's head.
Uh, you're gonna feel a little discomfort... butyou won't be the only one.
[ B.J. ] go in all the way up toyour shoulder ifyou have to.
Just besure not to break the membrane.
Well? 
What's wrong with it?
Now I know how big that last rockwe hit was.
It's the same size as the hole in the oil pan.
Sory, Major.
This jeep is D.OA.
"Dead on its axles."
What areyou doing?
Hey! 
Whereyou going?
Back to the main road.
Maybe I can catch a ride and still make it.
Major, it'll be dark vey soon... a condition which makes it easy to get lost... then found by a sniper.
Then you might step on a mine, which will getyou to Kimpo in the form of confetti.
Major, there'll be other nights in Tokyo.
It's not worth risking your life over.
You don't understand. 
This is not what I planned to be doing tonight.
Well, uh, this may come as a shock... but I'm not exactly having the time of my life either.
Who cares how much fun you're having?
- It's notyour birthday.
- Your birthday?
How comeyou didn't tell anybody?
- Because I didn't want anybody to know.
- Why not?
Because I didn't want them throwing me some stupid party.
Oh, yeah.
That would be rough.
- All that fun and celebrating. 
Who needs it?
- Celebrating.
Forwhose benefit?
Just another excuse to get drunk and rowdy for a few hours.
Ifit weren't my birthday, groundhog Daywould do just as well.
I wanted this year to be different.
Something special just for me.
To be with somebody I chose- somebody I wanted to be with- do the things I wanted to do.
Is that too much to ask for one stinking day in theyear?
Look at me.
Sitting by the side ofthe road in the middle of nowhere with not even a birthday hat.
There's a newspaper in the jeep.
I'll makeyou a birthday hat.
I hate birthday hats.
Come on, cow. 
Push.
I'm afraid she doesn't have the strength to helpyou out.
Her pulse is getting weaker by the minute.
Please, there must be something you can do.
Believe me.
Ifwe knew ofanything, we'd ty it.
Colonel, Hawk.
Dr. Landau says the onlyway to save the cow... might be to dismember the calf so she can deliver it easier.
Well, maybe, but there's no guarantee that the cow would be able to make it anyway.
This isn't just a house pet.
It's his livelihood. 
You've gotta do something.
Ifher blood pressure weren't so damn low, we could do a cesarean section.
Ifher blood pressure weren't so low, she could deliver the calf on her own.
Too bad she isn't human. 
That batch of Levophed that came in todaywould be just the ticket.
- What have we got to lose?
- I saywe turn that cow into a guinea pig.
"Any doubt whatsoever, always checkwith the case physician."
Well, that concludes our little lecture on the administration of Levophed.
Hopeyou've enjoyed it more than I have.
And in closing, let me just say...
- good-bye.
- [DoorOpens ]
- Winchester.
- Hello. good-bye.
Uh, not so fast, Professor. 
Class might be over, but the lab work's just about to begin.
- What does that mean?
- Your students are gonna get a firsthand demonstration...
- ofthe administration of Levophed.
- On whom?
The only pregnant lady in camp.
[ Chuckles ] Colonel...
I do not make stable calls, and I do not treat patients who graze.
Move it, Major, or I'm gonna grazeyourjaw with the old Missouri soupbone.
Class adjourned.
To the compound.
[Animals Croaking, Chirping]
Major.
Happy birthday.
Better hury and make a wish before the match goes out.
Oops. 
Too late.
I know it's not much, but it's better than nothing.
Maybe.
I don't want your sympathy, Klinger.
That's worse than nothing.
Well, uh...
I'll just leave it here... in caseyou changeyour mind.
Somewhere a multitude ofWinchesters are doing somersaults in their graves.
At leastyou're losing your dignity in a worthy cause, Major.
This could be a whole new career foryou: pet obstetrician.
Only doctor in Boston with a salt lick in his office.
- [ Chuckles ] 
- Uh, hold it, boys.
That Levophed's got her pulse bouncing back like Mildred's sponge cake.
Which means junior should be making a grand entrance any minute now.
- Oh! 
Make that any second.
- [Hawkeye ] Oh, look! 
There it comes!
- There it comes.
- [ B.J. ] Hey. 
The foot's comin' out.
- Does that mean it's a breech?
- No. 
That's the front foot. 
The head's next.
It went back in. 
What'd she do?
Change her mind?
- The foot went back in. 
What does that mean?
- It be right back out.
- There it is. 
There it comes. 
There it is.
- A nose! 
A nose!
Hello, nose.
Oh, look at this.
She's sucking my fingers already.
It's not even halfway out, and it's already sucking. 
Isn't that incredible?
- That's a good vital sign.
- Come on.
There it is! 
There it is! 
There it is!
All the way out.
- [ gasping ] 
- Well, hello, little lady. 
Welcome to theworld.
Isn't she beautiful?
Looks just like her mama.
This is indeed a blessed event.
All we gotta do is dress some old warwounds, and we're in business.
I want to thankyou all vey, vey much.
- Don't mention it.
- I certainlywon't.
Class... dismissed.
[ Chattering ]
- Whoa. 
We have our own little stampede here.
- [ Laughing ]
I got a halfa bran muffin, goin' cheap.
- I got halfa flask of cheap scotch, going fast.
- Hmm.
Want to swap?
- I- - [ Chuckles ]
That was a vey nice gesture.
The cake, I mean.
- I'm sory forwhat I said.
- Ah, no problem.
I guess I just didn't want anybody feeling sory for me.
- That was a pleasure I wanted to reserve all to myself.
- Look. 
I know howyou feel.
One time, I remember, I was tying to get to Akron for the statewide bowling tourney.
Well, all the buses were canceled on account of snow. 
So me and my cousin Adeeb-
Okay. 
So I don't know how you feel.
There are so many things I was so sure I'd have in my life by now.
And evey Christmas, evey birthday-
All those milestones...
just remind me ofwhat's still not there.
And today turned out to be just another day in the middle of nowhere.
You know, Klinger, I envyyou.
Areyou kidding?
Forwhat?
For one thing, the wayyour face lights up when you talk about Toledo.
Yeah. 
It's a great place.
Klinger, I've been there.
What's so great about it is that it's your hometown.
Army brats like me don't have hometowns.
I mean, I neverwent to the same school twoyears in a row.
Wow! 
I was once in the same grade for twoyears in a row.
Yeah. 
That-That must have been rough foryou.
I remember how we always used to razz new kids.
I never thought about it from their side.
I guess we were kind ofjerks.
After a while, I'd- I'd ty to make friends... and as soon as I did, sure enough- [ Snaps Fingers ] we'd have to move out again.
And it always hurt.
Finally, I decided not to let anyone get close enough to hurt me again.
I guess I'm still doing that.
Hey. 
Nobody's perfect.
I know eveybody thinks I'm... tough, demanding, insensitive... cold, callous, crabby-
Feel free to disagree at any time.
Think ofit this way.
Maybeyou are all that stuff, but deep down underneath...
I think maybe there's some more stuff that's... pretty good stuff.
You know?
That's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever tried to say to me.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
Happy birthday.
- Hi.
- Hi, eveybody.
- [ B.J. ] Oh, hi.
- Ah! 
Lookwhat the war dragged in.
- Margaret, what areyou doing back so early?
- We never made it to the plane.
Jeep broke down.
We had to hitch a ride back.
- Well, you sure missed out on the excitement.
- Oh, no. 
Don't tell me.
Yep. 
We had ourselves a bright, bouncing baby calf.
- Ahhh.
- I'm a dead man. 
How many people know?
Well, there's the cow and the rest ofthe camp.
What was the time ofarrival?
Just so I'll knowwho to avoid.
- Must have been around 1 0:00.
- Around 1 0:00?
gee, I'd love to pay off, but there's no way I can without an exact official time ofbirth.
[ All ] 1 0:07!
Maybe I can postdate a check till 1 960.
And the winner is...
- Major Margaret Houlihan.
- [ Laughing ]
Major, I can't giveyou 50 bucks.
I only collected 1 0.
Okay. 
I'm a softy.
You can forget the $50.
Aw, thankyou. 
A million thank-yous.
My thank-yous thankyou.
On second thought, I'll take the 1 0.
- Huh?
- There's somebody I want to buy a present for.

When the Republic was still young
Yuan Shihai and the warlords were against Dr Sun.
In the north mountains there was a bandit named Jiao Long.
This area was an important strategic site.
Jiao's bandits all had pigtails.
They were known as the Pigtail Army.
The area was constantly fought over.
Yuan sent Jiao his envoy in a bid to win his support.
Stop! 
Don't run.
He's over there.
Stop! 
Don't run.
Stop! 
Stop, stand still.
Don't run!
I've caught you at last, you bastard!
Your move!
Give us your money.
Stop running!
Have you seen a kid running for his life?
Roadside Inn.
Have a smoke, they're from Canton.
Really? 
Let me try one.
A light?
Thanks.
Not bad.
Nephew, isn't it too late to travel now?
I'm going to stay here for the night.
I'll meet Jiao Long tomorrow.
It's 5 months since I last saw you, where have you been?
Shanghai and Canton.
It's great being a postman.
Going here, there and everywhere.
Have you thought about changing your job?
The railway might come here soon.
Once that happens, people will use it to send their mail.
Don't you think so?
We'll wait and see.
There is no use in hiding.
I'm not hiding, just wrapping up.
How are you, Brother Ma?
Haven't you changed jobs yet?
Isn't it embarrassing?
!
- What are you doing?
- We're looking for someone.
Please.
Move, get out of the way.
- If you make me go out, I'll die.
- That is your problem.
It's chaos out there. 
They steal from us, we steal back from them.
I despise people like you.
OK then, let's split it.
You have it.
Run!
Wait for me!
- Why aren't you running?
- If I could, I would.
You've messed us around enough.
I'll finish you off!
These two are my friends.
Respect me and let them go.
Respect?
What respect?
Run!
Yao Jie, how are you?
We've got unfinished business.
I'm Hu, and you are...?
I'm just a postman.
Hey, let's go.
What's the hurry?
We still need to talk.
- About what?
- It's a chance to make friends.
If it's about money, we can still negotiate.
It's not about money, it's about going into Jiao's territory.
What's the use of money if you're dead?
You can't handle it by yourself.
Can your friend here help you?
I'm sorry, I deliver nothing but letters.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
- What about you?
- Count me out.
But we've made such a good team before.
I'm not interested in anything apart from stealing.
Excuse me.
Uncle San, I'm leaving.
It wasn't me.
I didn't cheat.
Believe me, it wasn't my fault.
I thought you might need a bodyguard!
I want to talk to you.
Hey! 
The postman's back. 
Come on out.
The postman's back.
Slowly, easy.
Let me take them out first.
Here they are.
Li Chang-Ken.
Wait, wait.
Madam Kuei, this is for you.
This is for Chang.
This is Chung...
It's so slow. 
I wish we had a proper postal service.
Chen Shen, Chen Fa-Kuei...
This is for Wong...
Who is this?
That's your father.
- Hurry!
- Wait.
Wang Dai-jin. 
Ho Shao-hao.
- I thought my dad was a manager!
- Shut up.
Li Choi.
Uncle Chang.
Brother Ma, is there anything for us?
Of course there is.
It's very tasty.
Have a look.
It's chocolate.
It's like mud!
I'm not eating that.
He's just messing with us.
Brother Ma.
This is for you.
There's some money inside.
Mayor, please come in.
We've collected some money for you.
Pretend it's your wages.
There's no hurry.
It's not a lot.
As you know, there's chaos everywhere.
Everyone's robbing everyone else.
It's OK, I won't be leaving for a few days anyway.
To tell you the truth, nobody's got any money any more.
As I see it, you should change jobs.
This line of work is not for you.
Excuse me.
Brother Ma, you're back.
Place your bets.
Thanks.
He's cheating!
Sorry.
It's OK, all settled.
Please, pay up.
That really hurt.
That'll cost you double.
If I pay you double, who's going to pay me double?
So you won't pay?
I can find my own way home.
Brother Ma.
What are you doing out so late?
My father sold my sister.
And with the money left over...
I want you to take me to Shanghai so I can buy her back.
She's only 15. 
Please take me.
We have to buy her back.
What are you doing here?
Why do you still live here?
This place is not fit for anyone.
What's on your mind?
Do you remember Hu?
He really respects you.
He's prepared to pay 300 taels of gold each now.
So what do you think?
- You change your mind quickly.
- I didn't want to. 
But...
But what?
- He's paying well.
- Do you want to risk it?
- Sure.
- What are you waiting for?
I can't do it on my own.
Come on, help me.
I'm tired, I want to sleep.
Well, why not? 
You're not busy.
Not busy? 
I'm leaving in the next few days.
He's something else!
Yao Jie.
What?
When do you have to give Hu your answer?
- Then you agree?
!
- Come on.
Move, go away.
I've got something to ask you.
Have you seen anyone that looks like a scholar?
What sort of scholar?
He wears a long grey gown and a grey scarf and he's about this tall.
There's lots of people like that in the village.
He likes gambling and he cheats.
Oh, him!
You should have said.
So you want information?
You know what to do.
So?
- Are you going to tell us?
- OK, I'll talk.
- Where is he?
- He left two days ago.
Let him go.
So we need one more person?
Yes, he's essential, he's an explosive expert.
It won't kill you, back to work.
What are you doing?
Do you want to get fired?
Hey, get on with your work. 
Now!
Lunch!
Lao Bu, Shen wants to make a bet with you.
Go on, are you scared of him?
Everyone thinks you'll win.
Everyone wants some action.
You chicken!
Haven't you got the stomach for it?
We better call you Bu the Coward from now on!
Come on, then.
Action!
Come on.
Who are they calling coward now?
- You've arrived.
- Yes.
Yao Jie.
Your mouth!
Mr Hu, don't depend on our good will again.
And remember, you must keep this secret, we don't want any political embarrassment.
But, who are the men?
I'm not staying.
This way, please.
These are the gifts for you to take to Jiao Long.
This way, please.
Take a seat.
You must get there in seven days.
Take these presents to Jiao Long's house in the mountains.
Once you've delivered these boxes your mission is complete.
But... you must be on time.
Jiao Long's birthday is on the 20th of December, so don't be later than that date.
And another thing... no one is allowed to open the cases during the journey.
Even if you run into serious trouble don't open them.
Destroy them if you have to.
This is half in advance, you'll get the rest on delivery.
So when do we three leave?
Not three, four.
Fu Jun, come in.
This is Fu Jun from Canton, this is...
The postman, we've met.
That's really good.
Fu is familiar with the underworld.
If you run into any trouble... he should be an asset.
How many people know about this?
Just us.
Fu is pretty arrogant.
He must be keeping an eye on us.
Let's go.
What's wrong with her?
Brother Ma!
Guihua!
- Why are you here?
- I'm going with you.
- I can't take you along.
- I won't be any trouble.
I don't know what is lying ahead of us.
You've got to take me with you.
Go and take the train.
Why did you bring so many rats?
They'll come in handy.
What's in those cases, then?
They're for Jiao Long, it'll be something special.
What is that?
It's something I've invented.
As I see it, this isn't a simple matter.
Are you regretting it now?
Don't be silly, you know what kind of person I am.
You've saved my life, whatever you want me to do, I'll do.
Tonight's cold, this will keep you warm.
Don't get too involved, we'll just deliver the cases and get the money.
Brother Ma, who's on watch tonight?
You sleep first, I'll do tonight.
Drink some of this, it will keep you warm.
Brother Ma, the horse is gone!
Bu!
Where's the horse?
Damn, I accidentally fell asleep.
Accidentally? 
I think you were drunk.
The cases are gone too.
How will I explain this?
They'll kill me!
Calm down, let's talk it over.
Fine, yes, calm down - you may not need the gold, but I do.
What do you mean?
Just give me the gold.
If you jumped off a cliff I still wouldn't give it to you.
What do you mean?
I didn't like you from the moment I set eyes on you.
Typical peasant miner.
OK, let's look for the horse.
Help!
Help!
Stay here, we'll go and look.
Help me!
Help!
Haven't we seen her before?
Our horse!
Help me!
Watch the horse.
Are you all right?
- Are you OK?
- I'm fine.
Come on.
- They look like Jiao's bandits.
- Let's go.
Yao Jie!
Over there, quick!
Where are we? 
It's so dark here.
- It's called the snake pit.
- There are snakes in here?
There's nothing to be afraid of.
Want a drink?
You were clever, I'm glad those bandits didn't get away.
You have to be clever to survive.
You're OK, have a drink.
Here.
It'll keep you warm.
My family lives in Feng Shui.
As we're in the area, why don't we visit them?
Good, while we're here, why not?
Let's escort Miss Li home.
Just in case she has more trouble.
Brother Ma!
Brother Ma.
Someone's here.
It could be the bandits.
Get the horse.
- Where are you from?
- Panlong.
Have you seen two men around here?
No.
Bring me the boy.
Don't move.
Where did you get this?
I found it.
It's nothing to do with me.
- Look after him.
- Are you OK?
- Let's go.
- Get the horse.
Go.
Go.
It's nothing, it's only a scratch.
What do you think they are doing?
Who knows?
Women are difficult to understand.
Yao's hurt and we've got to look after those girls.
We don't know when we'll reach the Laoma Pass.
Don't worry, we've still got three days left.
After this, what are you going to do?
Are you going back to Canton?
I want to go to Hong Kong.
And you?
I've got no plans.
Why don't you come with me?
Aren't you worried I'm stupid?
Don't be so petty!
Hurry up.
Damn horse!
Wait here.
Move.
- Leave it.
- Help me with the cases.
Do you come from the south?
Yes.
I lived in Canton for a while.
Did you come up north because of these cases?
I go wherever I want to try my luck.
Do you think you'll be lucky this time?
Let's go.
Come on, we've almost reached the foot of the mountain.
What do you think of Miss Li?
Fu seems interested in her.
Mind your own business.
After this you'll reach Laoma Pass.
Will you stay there?
No.
So you want to go back to Canton?
Yes, but before I go back I'll visit Feng Shui.
- Do you know someone there?
- No.
So what will you do there?
Try your luck?
Fu.
I've waited a long time for you.
Don't you remember in Canton you tricked and then killed somebody?
I can tell you now, I've already accepted the money.
I just haven't done the job yet.
Do you understand?
There's two sides to every story.
You're squashing me!
Ah Hui!
- Are you OK?
- I'm fine.
Did you kill those two men?
Just some unfinished business.
Where's Miss Li?
I don't know. 
I've looked everywhere.
Maybe she's gone back to Feng Shui.
I don't know.
Let's talk about this later.
Well?
I've asked everywhere, no one knows her.
- Where are the others?
- They left early.
Today's society is so chaotic, there's all kinds of people.
Don't get depressed about it, let's go for a walk.
I'm not going, you two go.
That's enough.
The way I see it, that Miss Li... she's a strange one.
I don't think she's honest.
What do you think?
Do you know what we're delivering to Jiao Long?
How should I know?
I'm going for a walk.
Place your bets.
Come on, hurry.
That's it, no more bets.
Eight and nine.
Player one, you lose.
And you lose too.
Come on, move. 
Let me play.
Place your bets.
Stop pushing.
No more bets. 
It's 20.
Hey, what about you?
Any more bets? 
Last bets.
No more bets.
Are you ready yet?
- Why are you following me?
- I'm just going to the toilet.
Really?
Brother Ma.
Captain.
Did you know that Hu works for Yuan Shihai?
Yuan has stated his allegiance to the crown.
The gift you're delivering from Hu to Jiao will help Jiao in Yuan's cause.
They'll join forces against Dr Sun.
No matter what, we must have these cases.
It's my duty to deliver them.
Nobody is to touch them.
- Take them.
- Yes.
I think you'd better give up.
Are you all right?
Get up.
- What is it?
- We're in trouble.
What are you doing?
- Brother Ma.
- Brother Ma.
- Where are the others?
- They're waiting at the junction.
Let's go.
I'll ask you again, where are the rest of the revolutionaries?
I know every move that you and your friends make... so why are you resisting me?
Why don't you cooperate for both our sakes?
Be careful, it's slippery.
- Help him.
- Thanks.
Careful.
Careful.
Wait.
Listen.
Let's go.
They're getting closer.
Faster.
Watch your back.
Behind you!
Move!
Quick, run!
Forget the cases!
Run!
- Are you OK?
- Fine.
Run!
- I'll help you.
- You go first.
Yao Jie, you still awake?
Will we reach Laoma Pass tomorrow?
I promised to deliver the cases because I am your friend.
If there's anything more to this, you should tell me.
I'm not hiding anything from you.
Who killed that revolutionary?
How should I know? 
I wasn't there.
Were you shocked when you saw the body?
If you don't trust me, fine.
You didn't want to work for Hu in the beginning.
Then you changed your mind. 
Strange.
I only did it for the money.
What's inside the cases?
I don't know.
Tell me or I'll open them.
- Don't. 
You can't open them.
- Why not?
You're not allowed.
What's going on?
Brother Ma, you can't do this.
My sisters' lives are at stake.
Yuan hired Hu in Tokyo.
He's a Ninja.
I used to work for him.
This time, he asked me to help out.
But I refused and he took my sisters hostage.
He forced me to deliver the cases and keep an eye on you.
Once the cases are delivered, he'll release my sisters.
- What's inside those cases?
- I don't know.
Yuan has so many soldiers, why has he hired us?
He's using us to bring the revolutionaries out from hiding.
So Miss Li has fallen for the trap.
Hu is a sly man, I've no idea what he might do next.
Let me deliver the cases alone.
If we're not back by sunset, take the other cases and leave.
Brother Ma, I'll wait for you to take me to Shanghai.
Brother Ma?
Be careful of Hu.
I told you women were troublesome.
Unlike us men!
You must have had a hard journey, but you've made it on time.
Guihua's been gone too long.
I'll go and find her.
- Keep your eye on them.
- OK.
Brother, brother.
Are you all right?
- When are you taking us home?
- Take us home quickly.
Take us home, please.
Yao Jie, since you've been so clever and haven't delivered all of the cases together, you can stay here with your sisters until Brother Ma delivers the rest of them.
This is wonderful.
Four boxes make a machine gun.
How wonderful.
Do you want to see how powerful it is?
Yes, get rid of these revolutionaries for me.
It's really powerful.
Since you like it so much, Yuan can deliver more.
Great!
So this is what we've delivered?
There will be more opportunities for us to cooperate.
Of course.
Yao Jie, you can go.
Mr Hu, we'll celebrate well tonight.
I'm sorry, I have to go and help Yuan.
Quickly!
Brother Ma.
Cheers!
Your good health.
Cheers! 
Let's have another drink!
We have to drink more!
Fire! 
Fire!
Mr Hu, we'll celebrate well tonight.
I'm sorry, I have to go and help Yuan.
Still trying to be a hero.
I'm doing it for my friends.
You're more stupid than I thought.
Subtitles by European Captioning Institute.

So, Kathy, the Prime Minister saw fit to invite one into the Cabinet
And, well, here one is.
Isn't it a terrific responsibility?
I suppose, if one chooses to dedicate one's life to public service, responsibility is something one accepts.
- But all this power!
- I know, I know!
Frightening sometimes.
But it also makes one very humble.
There one sits at the Cabinet table,
Number 10 Downing Street, and one realises...
Bernard rang, O humble one.
Central House want you to watch a programme on BBC2.
Maureen Watkins, MP.
One of the backbench MPs.
Not my favourite lady.
A rampaging feminist.
I don't think I'll bother.
Don't write that down.
I like Maureen Watkins.
Don't you think that women are still the exploited sex?
All of us in 5B think that women are exploited at work and at home and still it's a world designed by men and run by men for men's convenience.
- Like she says.
- Not any longer, surely?
She doesn't carry any weight in the House.
No, it's full of men.
Thank you.
Anything else you'd like to ask?
Just one last question.
As a minister with all this power, what have you personally achieved?
Achieved?
Oh, well, all sorts of things.
Membership of the Privy Council, the Party Policy Committee...
No, things you've done that makes life better for other people.
- Makes life better?
- Yes.
For other people?
There must be a number of things.
That's what one's job is all about.
18 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Could you give me examples?
- Makes it a bit boring otherwise.
- Examples.
Difficult to know where to start.
So much of government is collective decisions.
All of us together, best minds in the country, hammering it out.
But what will you look back on afterwards and say "I did that."
You know, like a writer can look at his books.
Government is a complex business.
So many people have to have their say.
These things take time.
Rome wasn't built in a day...
Good heavens, is that the time?
I really must be getting my boxes.
Excuse me.
- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you so much.
Such fun, having this little talk.
And you'll let me approve the article, as we agreed?
- Bye.
- Bye.
Bright kid.
Last interview I give for a school magazine.
She asked some difficult questions.
Just innocent. 
She assumed there was some moral basis to your activities.
- Well, there is.
- Oh, Jim, don't be silly!
What are you sighing for?
I'm not sighing.
Out with it.
Well, what have I achieved?
She's right.
- It really does make you humble!
- I can't get any bills through.
- The time's taken up for two years.
- Reform the Civil Servlce.
- Impossible. 
Catch 22.
- Why?
Supposing I suggested 50 terrific reforms, who would have to implement them?
The Civil Servlce.
All right, I tell you what.
Not 50 reforms, just one.
Huh! 
What?
If you achieve one import reform, that'd be something.
Get me in the record books!
What do you suggest?
Make them put more women into top jobs.
Women are half the population, they should be half the Permanent Secretaries.
How many women are there at the top?
Not many.
Equal opportunities.
I'll have a go.
After all, there's a principle at stake.
You're gong to do something out of pure principle?
- Yes.
- Oh, Jim.
Principles are excellent vote winners.
- We don't have to do anything?
- No. 
Paragraphs 1 and 2 are wrong.
And all the other points are covered.
I don't have to make a decision.
I don't even have to apologise.
- Can you do a reply for me?
- Done it.
Fantastic. 
Why don't they make more Under-Secretaries like you?
- Anything else, Minister?
- No.
Tell me, Sarah, how many women are there at the top of the Civil Servlce?
No Permanent Secretaries.
Four out of 150 Deputy Secretaries.
- What about your grade?
- There are 27 of us.
- Not too bad. 
Out of how many?
- 578.
But that's appalling!
Aren't you appalled?
Not really. 
I find it comic.
But then I find most of the Civil Servlce comic.
It's run by men, after all.
What can you do about it?
What can I do?
- Are you serious, Minister?
- Yes.
It's easy. 
Bring top women from the professions, commerce, industry, straight into the top grades.
The pay is good for women.
Long holidays, pensions.
You'd get high-quality applicants.
- And they could do the job?
- Of course.
With respect, if you can make a journalist MP into a minister, why can't you make a senior partner from a legal firm into an Under-Secretary
Most of the work here only needs about two O-levels, anyway.
- Good point, thank you very much.
- Thank you, Minister.
- You rang, Minister?
- Bernard, Sarah told...
- Yes, Minister?
- Call me Jim when we're alone.
I'll try to remember that, Minister.
Sarah tells me this complaint is nonsense.
- Oh, fine. 
So we can CGSM it.
- CGSM?
Civil service code. 
It stands for
Consignment of Geriatric Shoe Manufacturers.
Load of old cobblers, Minister.
I'm not a civil servant.
I shall use my own code.
I shall write "round objects".
Ah, Minister, you wanted a word about staffing?
- Yes, Humphrey.
- Morning, Bernard.
I've made a policy decision.
I'm gong to do something about the number of women in the Civil Servlce.
Surely there aren't all that many.
- That's my point.
- The Minister thinks we need more.
- Many more.
- More?
We're quite well up to establishment on typists, cleaners and tea ladies.
Any ideas, Bernard?
We are a bit short on temporary secretaries.
I'm talking about Permanent Secretaries.
- Permanent...
- We need female mandarins.
Sort of satsumas, Minister.
Sit down, will you, Bernard.
- How many PS are there?
- 41, I believe.
- And how many of those are women?
- Well, broadly speaking...
Not having the figures to hand, I'm not sure.
- Approximately.
- Approximately... none.
None. 
And there are about 150 Deputy Secretaries.
How many are women?
- Well, it's difficult to say.
- Why?
There's a lot of old women among the men.
- Four.
- Are there really?
I'm gong to announce a quota of 25% women
Deputy Secretaries and Permanent Secretaries to be achieved in four years.
Wait a minute. 
I'm obviously in total sympathy with your objectives.
- Obviously.
- Of course we must have more women.
Of course! 
All of us are deeply concerned by this apparent imbalance, but these things take time.
- I want to make a start straight away.
- I agree.
I propose we make a start by setting up an inter-departmental committee...
No, no, no. 
That's not what I meant and you know it.
No delays. 
This needs a sledgehammer.
We must cut through the red tape.
You can't cut tape with a sledgehammer...
You know what I mean.
Minister, you do me an injustice.
I was not about to suggest delays.
- Oh, sorry.
- That's all right.
I suggest that, if we are to have 25% quota, we need a larger intake at the recruitment stage so eventually there'll be 25% in the top jobs.
- When?
- In 25 years.
No, Humphrey, you haven't quite got my drift. 
I mean now.
- Oh... you mean, now 
- Got it in one, Humphrey.
It takes time to do things now.
The three articles of Civil Service faith:
It takes longer to do things quickly;
It's more expensive to do them cheaply and more democratic to do them in secret.
I have suggested four years.
Masses of time.
Oh, dear me, no!
I don't mean political time, I mean real time.
Civil servants are grown like... like oak trees, not mustard and cress.
They bloom and ripen with the seasons, they mature like...
- Like yourself.
- I was about to say like an old port.
Like Grimsby, perhaps.
- Yes, I was being serious, Minister.
- I foresaw this problem.
I propose we solve it by bringing in top women from outside the service to fill vacancies in the top jobs.
I...
- I don't think I quite understood.
- Watch my mouth, Humphrey.
We will bring in women from outside.
But the strength of the system is that it is pure and unsullied by outside influences.
People move jobs. 
Why should the Civil Servlce be different?
It is different.
It demands subtlety.
- Discretion.
- Devotion to duty.
- Soundness.
- Soundness! 
Well said, Bernard!
Civil servants require endless patience and boundless understanding.
They need to be able to change horses mild-stream, as politicians change what they call their minds.
- You have these talents?
- It is just that one's been properly...
- Matured. 
Like Grimsby.
- Trained.
Ask yourself if there isn't something wrong with the system.
- Why are there so few women deputies?
- They keep leaving to have babies.
- At nearly 50? 
Surely not.
- I don't know. 
I'm on your side.
- We do need more women at the top.
- I'm not waiting 25 years.
There's a vacancy for Deputy Secretary here.
Yes.
I shall appoint a woman.
Sarah Harrison.
Sarah Harrison?
- I think she's very able, don't you?
- Very. 
For a woman, for a person.
And she is an original thinker.
Yes, that's true, but she doesn't let it interfere with her work.
- What have you got against her?
- Nothing. 
She's excellent.
I'm a supporter of hers.
I advocated her promotion to Under-Secretary at a very early age.
Would you agree that she is outstanding?
Yes.
- So, on balance, it is a good idea?
- On balance... yes and no.
- That's not a very clear answer.
- it's a balanced answer.
The point is she's too young and it's not her turn.
I knew you'd say that!
This is exactly what's wrong with the Civil Servlce: 
Buggins' turn!
- The best people should be promoted!
- Exactly! 
As soon as it's their turn!
Oh, nonsense! 
Napoleon ruled Europe when he was in his 30s!
Alexander conquered the world in his 20s.
They'd have made poor Deputy Secretaries.
- They didn't wait their turn!
- And look what happened to them.
And look what's happened to us!
Instead of being run by a lot of young, able, energetic men, this country's being run by tired, cynical 55-year-olds who just want a quiet life!
Had you anyone specific in mind?
Yes and no, Humphrey.
Oh, Minister, Sarah Harrison Is an excellent civil servant and a bright hope for the future, but she is our most junior Under-Secretary and I will not recommend her promotion.
- I think you're a sexist.
- How could you say such a thing?
I'm very pro-women.
Wonderful people, women.
Sarah is a dear lady.
I'm one of her greatest admirers.
But, if the cause of women Is to be advanced,
It must be done with care, tact and discretion.
She is our only woman contender for a top job.
We mustn't push her too fast.
- Women find top jobs very difficult.
- Can you hear yourself?
If women could be good Permanent Secretaries, there would be more of them.
Stands to reason.
- No...
- I'm not anti-feminist! 
I love women!
Some of my best friends are women!
Er... my wife, indeed.
But Sarah is as yet very inexperienced and her children are still of school age.
- They might get mumps!
- You might get shingles!
I might indeed if you continue in this vein.
What if her children caused her to miss work?
Would she have reached Under-Secretary in that case?
She is the best person!
If you promote women just because they're the best person, you will create a lot of resentment throughout the Civil Servlce!
- Not from the women in it.
- Well, that hardly matters, does it?
Hardly matters?
There are so few of them.
I've told him women are different, but he can't grasp it.
They put such strains on a team.
They react differently.
They're emotional. 
Not rational like us.
No. it's hopeless when you tell them off.
Either they get into a frightful bate or start blubbing.
And if they're not the sort who blub, they become frightfully hard and butch.
Not the least bit attractive.
- They're full of prejudices.
- Make silly generalisations.
They think in stereotypes.
Arnold, what do you think I should do?
Lecture him at such length on the matter that he becomes bored and loses interest in the idea.
Yes, might work.
Mind you, he doesn't get bored easily.
- He even finds himself interesting.
- They all do.
All the ones who listen to what they're saying.
Not many of those.
The standard second ploy is to tell him the unions won't wear it.
- They'd like it.
- That's beside the point.
Oh, yes, sorry.
What does his wife think about all this?
I gather she's in favour of promoting Harrison.
In fact, she may be behind it.
I see. 
Does she know that Sarah Harrison is rather attractive?
No, I don't think they've ever met...
Good idea.
We must mobilise the Cabinet against this quota nonsense.
- They'll be in favour of it.
- We can get them to change their minds.
- They change their minds fairly easily.
- Just like a lot of women!
Thank God they don't blub!
Minister, I have come to the conclusion that you were right.
- Are you being serious?
- Yes, indeed.
I have taken your ideas on board and I am now positively against discrimination against women and in favour of positive discrimination, discriminating discrimination, of course.
Yes... 
I think I've got that.
The view is, at the very highest level, that this should happen.
- Good.
- However...
There is a problem about the quota.
Mind if I sit down?
The unions won't wear it.
- Let's have 'em in. 
We'll talk about it.
- Er... no, Minister.
That would just stir up a hornets' nest.
Why?
Well, if I might suggest...
that we be realistic about this.
By realistic, you mean drop the whole scheme.
Oh, dear me, no!
But, perhaps, a pause to re-group.
A lull in which to reassess the situation and discuss alternative strategies.
A space of time for reflection and deliberation.
You mean drop the whole scheme.
No, I've set my hand to the plough, I've made the decision.
We shall have a 25% quota of women within the next four years and, to make a start, I shall appoint Sarah Harrison.
- That is the wrong decision.
- Principle, Humphrey, principle.
My Cabinet colleagues will support me.
There's a lot of votes in women's rights.
Votes? 
I thought you said It was a matter of principle.
For me. 
I was talking about them.
Yes?
- Mrs Hacker's here.
- Send her in.
Could she come in? 
Could you sign the letters before you go, Minister?
- Get Humphrey to give you a drink.
- Sherry
Remember that letter you wrote "round objects" on?
Sir Humphrey has commented on it.
What's he say?
"Who is Round and to what does he object?"
Here you are.
Your very good health.
Yes, it's a slow business changing the Civil Servlce.
What about promoting this woman Jim was talking about?
Oh, yes, your husband certainly has an eye for talent and Sarah's very talented.
- Quite delightful, real charmer.
- Really?
I very much admire this new generation of women civil servants compared to the old battle-axes I remember!
Of course, they're not all as beautiful as Sarah, but they do manage to keep their femininity.
Jim never discussed what she looks like.
Perhaps he hasn't noticed.
I find that hard to believe.
He does spend a lot of time with her.
And even more if she's promoted. 
Shall we sit down?
And so, gentlemen, my minister is set on creating a quota of 25% women, leading to an eventual 50% .
- Parity, I see.
- Yes.
It seems right and proper to me that men and women be treated fairly and equally.
I speak for all of us when I say that, in principle, there should be such targets set and goals achieved.
- Bill?
- Well, I'm fully in favour of this idea.
We must have positive discrimination in favour of women.
It wouldn't work with the Foreign Office.
We couldn't post women ambassadors to Iran or Muslim nations.
No, quite, quite.
The Third World Is not so advanced as us.
And as we have to send diplomats to new postings every three years, this idea is obviously not for us, but I do approve the principle.
- Nell?
- I'm in favour of it.
I think we need the feminine touch.
Women are better at handling some problems than men.
We would have to make an exception in the Home Office.
Women are not the right people to run prisons or the police.
Quite probably, they wouldn't want to do it, anyway.
- But you do agree with the principle?
- Oh, yes, without question.
Peter?
Yes, the same applies to Defence...
alas.
All those admirals and generals.
It wouldn't be possible to appoint a woman as Head of Security.
M would have to become F.
Yes, Defence is clearly a man's world, like Industry and Employment.
All those trade union leaders!
But what about the DHSS? 
John?
Women are well represented near the top of the DHSS.
After all, we have two of the four Deputy Secretaries in Whitehall.
Not eligible for Permanent Secretary because they're Deputy Chief Medical Officers.
I'm not sure they're really suitable.
No, that's unfair.
Of course, women are 80% of our clerical staff and 99% of the typing grades.
We're not doling too badly.
In principle, I'm in favour of them gong to the top.
Good, good.
The feeling of the meeting is, in principle, that we're all in favour of equal rights for the ladies, but there are special problems in individual departments.
- Hear hear!
- What about this question of the quota?
- Frankly, I'm against it.
- Oh, yes, not on!
We must, in my view, have the right to promote the best man for the job, regardless of sex.
Speaking as an ardent feminist myself,
I think the problem lies in recruiting the right sort of women.
Marled women with families drop out because they cannot give their work their full, single-minded attention.
Unmarred women with no children are not fully-rounded people with a thorough understanding of life.
So, it's rarely possible to find a fully-rounded marled woman, with a happy home and three children, prepared to devote virtually her whole life to a department.
It's Catch 22, really.
Well, Catch 22, sub-paragraph A!
I think we must ensure that our respective ministers oppose this quota idea in Cabinet by drawing our own minister's attention to each department's special problems.
But we will recommend the principle of equal opportunities at every level.
May I suggest one more thing?
My minister sees the promotion of women as a means of creating greater diversity at the top of the service.
We should stress to our ministers that, frankly, you couldn't find a more diverse lot than us.
- Absolutely!
- A real cross-section of the nation.
Ah, Minister, how was Cabinet?
- Bit odd, actually.
- Why?
We were talking about the top jobs quota for women.
- Was it agreed?
- That's what's so odd.
They all agreed in principle, but then said it wouldn't work in their own departments.
- They didn't support me at all.
- Extraordinary.
And I'm not getting support from Annie.
- Really? 
What, about this quota?
- Well, about promoting Sarah.
- You'd think she'd be 100% behind it.
- Indeed.
She goes sort of distant when I mention it.
- Dead against it now.
- Even more extraordinary.
Oh, well, seems the only thing left.
- Something I can achieve.
- Yes, indeed.
Shall I ask Mrs Harrison to come in?
Bernard, would you be kind enough?
At least this is something I can say I have done.
- Indeed.
- Lighting a spark.
Carrying a torch, even.
Ah, Sarah, do sit down.
- Thank you.
- Humphrey.
Sarah, there is a vacancy for a Deputy Secretary in this department.
In spite of you being the most junior Under-Secretary, but because you are the outstanding person,
Sir Humphrey and I will recommend you for promotion to the grade of Deputy Secretary.
I... 
I don't know what to say.
- No need to say anything.
- A single thank you should suffice.
No... 
Well... 
I mean...
Oh, gosh. 
Look, this Is awfully embarrassing. 
I mean...
Well, I was gong to tell you this week.
I'm resigning from the Civil Servlce.
- What?
- Resigning?
Yes, so... thank you, but no, thank you.
Some problem at home with your children?
Mumps?
No, I'm joining a merchant bank...
as a director.
Sarah... 
I won't conceal from you the fact that this is a blow.
The reason Humphrey and I decided to recommend you
Is that I've been fighting a losing battle to improve promotion prospects for women.
You were to be my, so to speak, Trojan horse.
Quite honestly, Minister, I want a job where I don't spend endless hours circulating information about subjects that don't matter to people who aren't interested.
I want a job where there's achievement rather than merely activity.
I'm tired of pushing paper.
I want to point to something and say "I did that."
I don't understand.
I know. 
That's why I'm leaving.
You're not saying the government is unimportant?
It's very important. it's just that I haven't met anyone who's doling it.
Also I've had enough of the pointless intrigue.
- Intrigue?
- You know the sort of thing.
Like this women's rights nonsense.
Your using me as a Trojan horse, for instance.
They probably said the unions wouldn't wear it if you promoted me.
- How did you know that?
- I just know how things are done.
You don't realise I've fought quite a battle for you.
Oh, have you? 
I didn't ask you to flight a battle for me.
I'm not pleased at being part of a 25% quota.
Women are not inferior beings and I don't enjoy being patronised.
I'm afraid you're just as paternalist and chauvinist as the rest of them.
I'm gong somewhere where I shall be accepted an equal, as a person.
You can't win, can you?
- May I go now 
- Hm? 
Yes, of course.
I'm sorry I offended you, though I can't remember how I did.
No.
And thank you.
I know you both mean well.
Women!
Yes, Minister.

[Crickets chirping]
[Caroline] THANK YOU.
[Dog barking]
[Caroline] ANOTHER 2 MILES, HE SAYS.
THE ROAD TO JACKSON IS JUST BEFORE THE NIOBA SIGN.
[Sound of chains]
[Footsteps]
AHH!
[Heavy breathing]
[Thunder]
STILL LOVE ME?
WHAT'LL YOU OFFER?
COME HERE.
OH, SHIT!
?
YOU SAID IT WA S BEFORE THE SIGN, RIGHT
WELL, HANG ON.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
[Engine revving]
[Caroline] WANT ME TO HELP?
NO.
I GOTTA GO BACK TO THAT GAS STATION FOR A TOW.
. LOCK UP ANYWAY
I WILL.
I WON'T BE LONG, NOW.
[Dog barking]
[Caroline] THOR.
STAY CLOSE. 
GO ON.
GO ON OUT! 
GO ON, NOW!
[Barking]
THOR!
[Dog moaning]
[Growling]
[Dog barking]
[Dog whimpering]
OH!
[Screaming]
[Heavy breathing]
CAROLINE!
CAROLINE!
CAROLINE!
CAROLINE!
CAROLINE!
CAROLINE!
OH, GOD, THOR.
OH, GOD, CAROLINE.
OHH...
MAC!
[Mac] OH, MY GOD.
[Eli] HELP ME.
GET HER OVER THERE.
COME ON, HURRY.
[Caroline moaning]
[Truck honks]
YOUR BOY IS SICKER THAN WE KNOW.
THE IV'S ARE THE ONLY THING SUSTAINING HIM AS IT IS.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SUPPLEMENT THAT
WITH A FULL COMPLEMENT OF LIFE-SUPPORT SYSTEMS,
IF WE'RE GOING TO HAVE ANY CHANCE TO SUSTAIN HIM.
"SUSTAINING." "CHANCE."
I DON'T WANT MY SON SUSTAINED.
AND I DON'T WANT ANY CHANCES.
I WANT HIM CURED.
[Caroline] ELI.
THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.
A MONTH AGO, HE WAS A HEALTHY,
. PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT, HAPPY KID
THERE'S A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE,
AN OCCULT MALIGNANCY IN HIS SYSTEM.
WHAT KIND OF MEDICINE ARE YOU PRACTICING HERE, DOCTOR?
WHAT WE HAVE IS A PITUITARY GLAND
THAT HAS GONE CRAZY, OUT OF CONTROL.
IT'S CAUSING MUCH TOO RAPID RATE OF GROWTH.
NO MATTER WHAT NOURISHMENT WE GIVE HIM,
IT JUST ISN'T ENOUGH.
NOW, I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE GENETIC, INHERITED.
BUT METABOLIC TESTS THAT WE DID ON BOTH OF YOU
. SHOW THAT YOU'RE NORMAL AS PIE
SO UNLESS THERE'S SOMETHING WE DON'T KNOW,
UNLESS THERE'S SOMETHING LEFT OUT OF THE PICTURE...
ELI.
NO.
NO. 
NO.
ELI, PLEASE.
ATLANTA OR MAYBE HOUSTON...
FIRST THING WE GOTTA DO
IS GET HIM THE HELL OUT OF HERE
AND SOMEPLACE WHERE THEY KNOW WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT.
. WE CAN'T JUST WISH IT AWAY
WE CAN'T JUST GO ON PRETENDING IT NEVER HAPPENED.
17 YEARS AGO,
I WAS ATTACKED
. AND NOTHING'S EVER GONNA CHANGE THAT FACT
HE...
HE IS MY SON.
HE IS MY OWN SON AND NOBODY ELSE'S.
YES, HE IS YOUR SON.
YOU LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES YOU.
AND WHATEVER WE FIND OUT WON'T CHANGE THAT.
BUT MICHAEL IS DYING.
WE CAN'T AFFORD NOT TO FIND OUT WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE.
YOU HEARD WHAT DR. ODOM SAID:
"SOMETHING MORE TO GO ON."
, THAT MAN, HIS BACKGROUND
. HIS MEDICAL RECORDS, MAY BE THAT SOMETHING MORE
NO! 
NO!
NO.
NO.
NO.
NO!
NO!
AAH!
NO!
NO!
NO--AAH!
[Slam]
YOU'RE LEAVING.
. NO, SWEETHEART
YES, YOU ARE.
YOU'RE LEAVING ME.
I'M JUST GOING WITH DADDY FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
JUST WHERE WE THINK WE CAN DO YOU BEST.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, DARLING.
WE'LL BE RIGHT HERE.
BUT I'M AFRAID.
I'M DYING.
I DON'T WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.
NOBODY,
DADDY,
DR. ODOM OR ME
. IS EVER GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU
I'LL SEE YOU REAL SOON, NOW.
[Sighs]
YOU OKAY?
I'M FINE.
WELL, THE FOG IS ROLLING IN.
[Bird crowing]
[Dog barking]
[Dog barking]
[Dog barking]
[Eli] WELL...
LOOKS PEACEFUL ENOUGH.
. THERE'S THE COURTHOUSE
HI.
WELL, HI THERE, YOURSELF.
UM... 
I'D LIKE TO GET SOME INFORMATION.
. HONEY, YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE
I'M JUST A FOUNT.
[Typewriter clicking]
?
YES, MA'AM . MAY I HELP YOU
I'D LIKE TO LOOK THROUGH YOUR BACK ISSUES, IF I COULD.
OH, WHY?
I'M FROM JACKSON, THE EXTENSION SCHOOL.
?
IS THAT A FACT
I'M WRITING A BOOK ON CRIME IN RURAL AMERICA.
. THIS ISN'T JACKSON . THIS ISN'T EVEN SHREVEPORT
THERE'S NO CRIME AROUND HERE,
EXCEPTING AN OCCASIONAL BARN BURNING.
YOU KNOW, STRICTLY LOCAL STUFF TO BE EXACT.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR.
SOMETHING TO GIVE ME A FEEL OF THE AREA.
. WELL, THE MORGUE'S IN THE BACK IF YOU GOTTA FEEL OUT THE AREA
YOU ONLY GOT A FEW MINUTES.
IT'S NEAR LUNCHTIME.
AND I DON'T HAVE ANYBODY TO MIND THE OFFICE
AND I'M NOT PUTTING ANYBODY ON.
YOU HELP YOURSELF, YOU HEAR?
JUDGE, MAYOR
AND SOMETIME THAT PIG-HEADED SON OF A BITCH.
[Giggling]
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
THE CLERK OUTSIDE, MRS. GUMFREY,
SAID YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP ME WITH AN ASSAULT THAT
HAPPENED HERE ABOUT 17 YEARS AGO.
WHAT KIND OF ASSAULT?
RAPE.
RAPE.
MAYBE...
IT WASN'T DESCRIBED THAT WAY.
I'M INTERESTED IN ANY POSSIBLE
ACT OF VIOLENCE,
ANY
MEMORABLE BEHAVIOR.
I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HELP YOU...
MISTER?
MACCLEARY,
ELI MACCLEARY.
WELL, I HOPE YOU WON'T HOLD
THE PEACEABLENESS OF OUR LITTLE NIOBA
AGAINST YOU, JUST THE SAME.
THANK YOU.
. THANK YOU, SIR
[Typewriter clicking]
IT'S LUNCHTIME.
ALMOST.
HEY, MISSY, I SAID IT WAS LUNCH.
COMING.
ELI!
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
[Edwin] BUT SHE RIPPED OUT THAT WHOLE FRONT PAGE,
ALL ABOUT LIONEL AND...
WHO'S THAT WITH HER?
WELL, IF YOU WAS TO GIVE ME ODDS,
I'D SAY IT WAS HER HUSBAND.
YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM ANYTHING?
ALL RIGHT.
OH LORD, I BETTER GET AHOLD OF DEXTER AND HORACE.
WE DON'T WANT THEM FORGETTING THEMSELVES.
WE'RE REAL SORRY, MA'AM.
THAT'S WHY IT'S A SMALL TOWN.
YEAH, WE'LL LOOK INTO IT.
THANK YOU FOR CALLING.
EXCUSE ME, UH...
SHERIFF BRAND?
POOL, BILL POOL.
SHERIFF BRAND RETIRED IN '65.
WELL, COULD YOU TELL US WHERE WE CAN FIND HIM?
HE PASSED ON IN '69.
YOU'RE JUST A TAD LATE.
WE WERE HOPING THAT SHERIFF BRAND COULD TELL US ABOUT
LIONEL CURWIN'S MURDER.
I WAS DEPUTY WHEN IT HAPPENED.
WE'RE RESEARCHING A BOOK,
CRIME IN SMALL TOWN AMERICA.
WHAT YOU WANNA KNOW?
EVERYTHING.
EVERYTHING.
FIRST OFF, LIONEL CURWIN WAS A SON OF A BITCH,
IF YOU'LL PARDON MY FRENCH, MA'AM.
EVERYBODY WAS PRAYING HE'D GIVE OUT.
BUT NOBODY WAS PRAYING FOR THE WAY HE FINALLY DID.
[Eli] WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I MEAN HE WAS RIPPED TO PIECES.
PARTS OF HIM WAS EATEN, WHAT PARTS WAS RECOGNIZABLE.
?
WHAT DID IT TO HIM
A WILD ANIMAL?
AN ANIMAL THAT'LL TEAR A MAN TO PIECES
AND THEN TRY TO SET FIRE TO HIS HOUSE?
THEN WHO?
WE DON'T KNOW.
WHOEVER IT WAS HASN'T DONE IT AGAIN.
IT'S BEEN QUIET AS A GRAVEYARD AROUND HERE EVER SINCE.
. [Eli] WELL..
. THANKS ANYWAY FOR YOUR HELP, SHERIFF
YOU BET.
WHERE IS HE? 
THE MACCLEARY BOY, WHERE IS HE?
[Phone ringing]
HELLO?
YES, IT IS.
WHAT?
WHEN?
WHO IS IT?
IT'S DR. ODOM.
MICHAEL'S MISSING.
[Car horn blaring]
[Gasping and choking]
[Car honking]
[Groaning]
[Door creaking]
WILL YOU LET ME SLEEP?
YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME FIRST.
WILL YOU PROMISE ME?
[Eerie moaning]
ALL RIGHT.
YOU CAN COME OUT NOW.
[Eerie moaning]
I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE.
I KNOW YOU ARE.
[Dog barking]
MISSY, WHERE IS THAT DELIVERY BOY?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE'S ALREADY DELIVERED IT?
I HAVE TURNED THIS KITCHEN UPSIDE DOWN.
MISSY, THAT BOY AIN'T WORTH THE POTTAGE YOU PAY HIM.
I'VE TURNED THE KITCHEN UPSIDE DOWN
AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF I CAN FIND
HIDE NOR CRUMB OF HIS ORDER! 
SHIT.
BYE-BYE.
KOKO!
COME ON IN HERE, SWEETHEART.
IT IS ABOUT TIME.
WELL, COME ON.
BRING IT ON IN, PLEASE.
DON'T BE DROPPING IT.
YOU BOYS ALWAYS DROPPING THINGS.
I GUESS YOU PLAY WITH YOURSELVES TOO MUCH.
MISSY SAID NO MORE THAN $5 FOR THE MEAT
AND I EXPECT HER TO STAND BY IT.
SHE SAID $5, AND CARRY THE 2, THAT'S 12...
ALL THAT'S LEFT OVER IS FOR YOU.
WHAT KIND OF SLAVE WAGES IS MISSY PAYING YOU?
YOU'RE THE HUNGRIEST, DROOLING SOMEBODY
I EVER DID SEE.
SIT DOWN.
THERE'S ENOUGH HERE TO FEED AN ARMY, ANYHOW.
'COURSE, IF WE COULD EXTEND IT A LITTLE.
MAYBE IF I CRUSHED UP SOME SALTINES IN IT.
NO, THAT'S TOO PRETTY TO DO THAT TO IT. 
I KNOW.
PUT A LITTLE OF THIS IN IT AND THAT MAKES IT REAL GOOD.
HOW DO YOU LIKE YOURS?
I LIKE MINE RARE.
MAKES WAITING EASY.
[Barking]
OH, KOKO.
KOKO!
[Barking]
WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, DARLING?
KOKO!
[Eerie chirping]
WHAT'S THAT?
NO, IT CAN'T BE.
NOT THIS TIME OF YEAR.
YOU HEAR IT?
?
DO YOU HEAR IT
AAGH!
AAGH!
[Sobbing]
AAGH!
[Screaming]
TIPPER, IT'S DINNER.
[Barking and whimpering]
TIPPER!
TIPPER--
TIPPER.
TIPPER, YOU BAD BOY.
OKAY. 
OKAY.
HE'S SLEEPING PEACEFULLY NOW.
I THINK IT BEST WE DON'T DISTURB HIM.
[Doc] HE'LL BE FINE, MRS. MACCLEARY
DON'T WORRY.
PLATT GIRL FOUND HIM
WANDERING AROUND OVER AT THEIR PLACE.
JUDGING BY THE SCRATCHES,
HE MUST HAVE COME THROUGH THE WOODS.
HE LOOKS SO GOOD.
LORD, AFTER AL L HE'S BEEN THROUGH,
HE ACTUALLY LOOKS SO MUCH BETTER.
ANYWAY, THE SCRATCHES ARE MINOR.
I TOLD YOU THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH OUR SON.
NOTHING THAT SOME SIMPLE,
DECENT MEDICAL CARE COULDN'T CURE.
[Chuckles]
WELL...
YES AND NO.
RIGHT NOW, SLEEP'S THE BEST MEDICINE.
WELL, WE COULD ALL USE A LITTLE OF THAT, DOC.
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO HERE.
I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
[Church bell chiming]
MORNING, DEXTER.
NEWSPAPER ISN'T OPEN YET.
IT'S PAST 10:00.
D SUCH A THING HASN'T HAPPENE
SINCE THE NIGHT LIONEL'S HOUSE WAS TORCHED.
THANK YOU, DEXTER.
[Judge] EDWIN?
[Flies buzzing]
[Doc] THE TESTS ALL SEEM TO SHOW HE'S STILL FINE.
WHAT ARE YOU 3 GOING TO DO NOW?
MAYBE WE BETTER TAKE YOU TO HOUSTON,
HAVE THEM REALLY CHECK YOU OUT.
JUST TO BE SURE.
NO.
HOUSTON?
THE ASTRODOME, 8TH WONDER OF THE WORLD?
NO, I DON'T WANT TO GO.
WHAT?
I WANT TO STAY.
STAY?
I DON'T KNOW, I, UH... . I LIKE IT HERE
MR. AND MRS. MACCLEARY?
PARDON ME, I'M DEPUTY HERBERT.
THE SHERIFF WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU.
YOU, TOO, DOC.
WHAT FOR?
SEEING'S BELIEVING, DOC.
[Birds chirping]
[Knocking at door]
HELLO.
YOU'RE BETTER.
I WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR LAST NIGHT.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
AMANDA PLATT.
YOU SAVED MY LIFE.
. OH NO, TIPPER WOULDN'T HAVE HURT YOU
NO, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
CAN I COME IN?
UH, NO,
PA WON'T ALLOW STRANGERS I THE HOUSE WHEN HE'S NOT HOME.
I'M SORRY.
UM.
WELL...
WHAT ABOUT OUTSIDE?
OKAY.
I'LL GO GET MY COAT.
DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?
I DON'T.
NO? 
YOU SHOULD.
[Loon crying]
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?
I JUST,
NEVER HAD NOBODY TELL ME THAT BEFORE.
[Dog barking]
[Barking]
WHAT'S THAT?
?
DOWN THERE
THAT'S BLACK PINE BOG.
NOBODY EVER GOES THERE, THOUGH.
NOT EVEN TO PICK BLACKBERRIES.
IT'S ALL FULL OF BRIARS.
YOU DON'T WANT TO GO THERE, MICHAEL.
COME ON.
LET'S GO.
[Amanda] LOOK AT THESE BUGS.
AREN'T THEY HORRIBLE?
[Michael] NO, THEY'RE NOT.
HOW COME YOU DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND?
'CAUSE OF PA, I GUESS.
HE'S AWFUL STRICT.
[Michael] HMM.
IS, UH...
IS YOUR FATHER
HORACE PLATT, LIONEL CURWIN'S COUSIN?
YEAH, HOW'D YOU KNOW?
[Eerie chirping]
MICHAEL?
MICHAEL?
MICHAEL, WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU WANT ME TO GO GET THE DOCTOR?
NO!
. IT'S ALL RIGHT
[Shrieking]
YOU SAY THAT'S WHERE THE DOG WAS DIGGING?
IT WAS JUST DOWN OVER THERE.
DAMN.
[Sheriff] AS IF I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE ALREADY.
WHAT YOU DOING HERE, GIRL?
WE WAS JUST TAKING US A LITTLE WALK, PA.
I GIVE YOU PERMISSION?
. LOOK, SHE DIDN'T WANT TO COME. 
I TALKED HER INTO IT
GET IN THE TRUCK!
DAMN YOU, BOY.
YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY BABY.
YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY LITTLE GIRL.
GODDAMN YOU, GIRL!
IS HE ALWAYS LIKE THAT?
. THAT WAS CIVIL
A COUPLE OF YEARS BACK,
CAUGHT HIS WIFE IN BED WITH ANOTHER MAN.
HE KILLED THEM BOTH.
HE WASN'T PUT AWAY?
HE'S THE JUDGE'S COUSIN.
HE'S GOING TO HURT HER.
NO, HE ISN'T, MICHAEL.
HORACE PLATT WILL.
OHH.
YOU'RE TIRED, HON.
YOU'RE STILL NOT WELL.
[Sheriff] JEFF,
TAKE THE BOY BACK WITH YOU.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT MADE YOU THINK
YOU COULD GO OUT LIKE THAT.
NOW, I'M PUTTING YOU TO BED.
AND THIS TIME, YOU ARE GOING TO STAY PUT.
GO ON.
THAT EXPLAINS MICHAEL'S OUTBURST THIS MORNING.
WHAT?
AMANDA.
OUR MICHAEL HAS GOT A CRUSH.
UH.
YOU GO ON BACK. 
I'M GONNA STAY HERE FOR A WHILE.
YOU WANT TO GIVE US A HAND HERE?
OH, SURE.
[Loons crying]
HOLY SHIT.
SHERIFF!
SHERIFF!
LOOK WHAT I FOUND!
[Eli] GOOD GOD.
DID YOU FIND THAT HERE?
YES, SIR.
RIGHT IN HERE.
OH, WAIT!
HERE.
HAVE YOU GOT IT?
OH, SHIT.
I'M GONNA GET SOME MORE MEN.
WE GONNA NEED A LOT OF HELP.
[Sheriff] IF YOU FIND ANYTHING, FOLKS, SING OUT.
HELLO, BILL.
DOC, I GOT SOMETHING DOWN HERE I WANT TO SHOW YOU.
[Doc] HOW MANY NOW?
[Sheriff] 36.
DID YOU ID ANY OF THEM?
NOT YET.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I DON'T KNOW.
COULD BE AN ABANDONED GRAVEYARD,
AN INDIAN BURIAL GROUND,
CIVIL WAR COMMON GRAVE,
OR SOME MURDERING NUT
SNEAKING IN HERE AND BURYING HIS BODIES.
[Doc] MAYBE SO.
TAKE A LOO K AT THIS ONE.
BUT THIS ONE'S EMILY OLDENBURGH.
NO, IT CAN'T BE.
I KNOW IT.
WE BURIED HER IN THE CHURCH GRAVEYARD
WE WERE BOTH THERE, REMEMBER?
BUT THIS ONE'S STILL EMILY.
I PUT THIS STAINLESS STEEL
FEMUR HEAD IN HER HIP JOINT MYSELF.
SOMETHING ELSE STRANGE.
LOOKS GNAWED ON.
YOU NOTICED, TOO.
I'D HAVE A TALK WITH DEXTER WARD, IF I WAS YOU.
THERE'S A PROBLEM, BILL.
[Sheriff] WHAT'S THAT, DOC?
DEXTER WASN'T UNDERTAKER WHEN EMILY DIED.
HE WAS HIS ASSISTANT.
WHO WAS?
LIONEL CURWIN.
[Sheriff] YOU GONNA ASK US IN?
YOU HEAR WHAT'S GOING ON IN BLACK PINE BOG?
NO, I GOT MY OWN HANDS FULL HERE,
AS YOU CAN SEE.
YOU OR
LIONEL DO THE WORK ON EMILY OLDENBURGH?
EMILY OLDENBURGH?
WELL, IT'S BEEN SO LONG I DON'T REMEMBER.
WHY?
HER SKELETON'S ONE OF THEM IN THE BOG.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
I PREPARED HER HERE FOR BURIAL MYSELF.
I REMEMBER PLACING HER IN THE CASKET.
HER HIPS CREAKED.
HUH...
COULD ANYONE HAVE REMOVED THE BODY
BETWEEN HERE AND THE CEMETERY?
WELL, OF COURSE NOT.
WHO IS HE?
UH, JUST ANSWER OUR QUESTIONS, DEXTER.
. NO, I WON'T.
IT'S INSULTING
I DON'T OWE THIS MAN ANY EXPLANATIONS.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO HE IS.
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, DEXTER.
I LIKE YOUR NEW PAINT JOB, DEXTER.
WELL?
WELL, WHAT?
WHO'S BURIED IN EMILY OLDENBURGH'S COFFIN?
NO.
[Train clattering]
HOW ARE YOU, TOM?
WHO ARE YOU?
BEEN A LONG TIME.
IT HAS?
WHO ARE YOU?
OH, YOU'RE THE MACCLEARY BOY.
. I'D OFFER YOU A DRINK, BUT YOUR DADDY MAY GET MAD
YOU DON'T MIND IF I HAVE ONE.
DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME, TOM?
BILLY? 
BILLY CONNORS!
LOOK IN MY EYES.
OHH...
NOW, YOU STOP THAT.
HEY, BILLY, BILLY.
BILLY CONNORS.
I REMEMBER BILLY AND ME LISTENING TO MY DADDY.
WE USED TO PLAY GAMES.
"HEY, BILLY,
"CAN YOU DO THE MAGIC
"LIKE THE LOCUSTS AND THE CICADAS?
"CAN YOU GET THROUGH ANYTHING
"BY BECOMING SOMETHING ELSE?
"CHANGING, BEING REBORN?"
YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT?
[Cackling]
I CAME BACK FOR THEM.
ALL OF THEM.
ALL THE CURWINS.
YOU AIN'T BILLY.
[Chuckling]
KEPT MY PEACE FOR 17 YEARS, JUDGE,
BUT IT'S GETTING TOO HOT.
I WANT MONEY, A LOT OF IT,
. AND I WANT OUT
THEY'RE GONNA BE BACK HERE IN A MINUTE.
I WANT YOU OVER HERE TOMORROW MORNING
WITH THE MONEY, JUDGE.
?
I WANT IT HERE FOR SURE, YOU HEAR
[Door bangs]
[Door creaking]
[Water dripping]
[Glass shattering]
ALL RIGHT, IT'S YOU KIDS AGAIN NOW, AIN'T IT?
ALL RIGHT, YOU KIDS,
I'M GONNA PUT YOU IN COUSIN EDWIN'S PLACE.
I'M WARNING YOU.
PEEKABOO,
I...
SEE...
YOU!
I'M GONNA GET YOU.
I'M GONNA GET YOU.
I GOT YOU.
AAGH!
[Choking]
[Sheriff] THOSE ARE NOTHING BUT ROCKS.
[Doc] DEXTER WARD?
[Sighs]
[Sheriff] DEXTER WARD.
DEXTER?
WHERE ARE YOU?
[Eli] OVER HERE.
OH, GOD!
LORD, SAVE US.
HE'S BEEN EMBALMED
ALIVE.
[Eli] NO.
[Caroline] MICHAEL'S GONE.
WHAT?
YOU MEAN HE'S NOT WITH YOU?
NO.
MAYBE HE'S AT AMANDA'S.
OH, SHIT.
CHRIST, HORACE'LL KILL HIM. 
DOC, GO WITH JEFF.
WHAT THE HELL?
WHAT THE HELL YOU WANT?
IS OUR SON HERE?
JESUS CHRIST! 
GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
MICHAEL.
MICHAEL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
THERE'S A MURDERER RUNNING LOOSE.
I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE HER ALONE.
LIAR!
HE SAID HE WAS ONLY PROTECTING THE GIRL, HORACE.
NOW SETTLE DOWN!
NEXT TIME I'LL KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE BASTARD, YOU HEAR?
NO! 
DON'T...
JEFF, GET HIM OUT OF HERE!
I'M GONNA GET THAT BASTARD.
!
I'M GONNA KILL YOU
AAGH.
I'M SORRY, BABY.
I'M SORRY.
MICHAEL.
, WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THERE
IN AMANDA'S ROOM?
MICHAEL!
CAROLINE, NOT NOW.
[Eli] COME ON, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
COME ON, BUDDY.
UH-HUH.
WHAT I THOUGHT.
HERE.
THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN FEELING BENEATH THE SKIN.
?
WHAT IS IT
. A SUBCUTANEOUS LAYER JUST BENEATH THE EPIDERMIS
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT BEFORE,
BUT I KNEW I FELT SOMETHING.
[Caroline] WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW.
CAN HE TRAVEL?
WELL...
I THINK IT'S TIME WE GOT HIM BACK TO JACKSON
AND HIS DOCTORS THERE, DON'T YOU?
. YEAH, OR MAYBE HOUSTON
OKAY, HOTSHOT,
A BIG SURPRISE.
YOU CAN STOP FAKING IT NOW.
WE ARE GOING HOME.
NO.
LISTEN, THE DOC'S CHECKED YOU OUT.
YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH DOC.
AND YOU CAN WRITE TO AMANDA WHEN YOU GET HOME.
NOW, COME ON, LET'S GET GOING.
HOP TO, MY MAN.
YOUR MOM INSISTS.
NO,
I'M NOT GOING.
AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.
WANNA SEE ME TRY?
GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!
MICHAEL.
DON'T TALK TO YOUR FATHER LIKE THAT.
. HE AIN'T MY FATHER
BILLY CONNORS IS MY DADDY.
WHAT?
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?
I DON'T KNOW, THE WORDS JUST SLIPPED OUT.
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
HE'S KNOWN.
BILLY CONNORS.
I AM LOOKING FOR DEXTER.
I WENT DOWN TO THE MORTUARY,
IT WAS LOCKED UP.
I WONDER WHERE HE WOULD BE.
HE'S DEAD, JUDGE.
WHO DID IT?
. THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO FIND OUT
TRYING?
EDWIN AND DEXTER WERE CURWINS.
AND THAT'S WHO HE'S KILLING.
CURWINS.
NOW YOU CALL THE STATE POLICE IF YOU HAVE TO.
HEY, BILL?
YEAH?
BILL, I...
I KNOW WHO IT WAS.
WAS WHAT?
WHO DONE THE KILLINGS.
IT WAS BILLY.
ONLY IT WASN'T BILLY, IT WAS THE BOY.
THE MACCLEARY BOY COME BACK AS BILLY.
UH TOM, UH...
WHY DON'T YOU GET SOME BREAKFAST?
YOU LOOK LIKE THE HIND END OF A COON DOG
JUST LEAVING THE SWAMP.
UGH!
AAGH!
NO, YOU PROMISED!
MICHAEL,
IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'D LIKE TO, UH...
WHAT'S THAT?
WHAT'S THAT BANDAGE?
IT'S NOTHING.
. NOTHING, YOU DON'T SEE
I TOLD YOU IT'S JUST A SCRATCH.
YOU NEVER KNOW.
IT MIGHT GET INFECTED.
NOW, JUST RELAX.
AAGH!
MACCLEARY!
[Eli] YES?
YOU'VE GOT TO STOP HIM.
STOP WHO?
THE BOY, YOUR BOY.
. ONLY HE AIN'T YOUR BOY I MEAN NOT IN HIS HEAD ANYWAYS
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
, HE'S THE ONE THAT' S BEEN DOING ALL THE KILLING
. HE TOLD ME SO HIMSELF
DON'T YOU SEE?
BILLY HATED THE CURWINS.
BILLY?
BILLY CONNORS?
YOU'RE THE ONE, YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO HAS BEEN TALKING TO MY SON
AND FILLING HIS HEAD WITH THAT BILLY CONNORS!
YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME AND YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY SON.
ELI!
I THINK YOU REMEMBER THIS VOICE.
DOC?
[Clanking]
WHERE WE USED TO COME WHEN WE WERE KIDS, TOM!
DO YOU THINK I COULD EVER FORGET THAT?
IT TOOK ME 17 YEARS, TOM.
LIKE THE CICADAS, BUT I CAME BACK.
TOM!
AAGH!
AAGH!
AAGH!
[Sheriff] JEFF,
LET'S CHECK THIS OUT.
DOC?
YEAH?
WHAT WAS--UH
BILLY CONNORS LIKE?
BILLY?
STRANGE BOY.
BEAUTIFUL TO LOOK AT, THOUGH.
TALL, SILENT WHEN HE MOVED,
HE LOVED THE WOODS
AND EVERYTHING IN THEM.
HE TALKED TO THE ANIMALS.
IT WAS SAID
THAT EVEN THE BUGS WOULD ANSWER HIM.
YOU COULD BE TALKING ABOUT OUR SON.
YOU BELIEVE IT, DON'T YOU?
WHAT?
WHAT TOM LAWS WAS SAYING ABOUT
MICHAEL AND BILLY CONNORS.
I WOULDN'T PUT MUCH STOCK IN THAT
INDIAN PALAVER, LOCAL NIOBA NONSENSE.
WELL!
TOM LAWS IS DEAD.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR BOY.
MICHAEL!
MICHAEL! 
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
YOU GOTTA GET OUT.
PA'S GONNA BE HOME ANY SECOND!
HE SAID HE'D KILL YOU.
HE DO THAT TO YOU?
CAN YOU DRIVE?
KINDA.
OKAY--UM.
I WANT YOU TO GET IN THE CAR
RIGHT NOW AND LEAVE.
AND YOU KEEP GOING UNTIL YOU'RE FAR AWAY FROM HERE.
WHY?
WHOEVER KILLED THE OTHERS
IS GONNA COME FOR YOU, AMANDA.
I KNOW.
BUT WHY? 
I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO HURT ANYBODY.
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
YOU'RE A CURWIN.
NOW, GRAB SOME THINGS
AND GET OUT OF HERE.
WILL YOU COME WITH ME?
THEN I WON'T GO EITHER.
GODDAMN IT!
YOU HAVE TO.
IS IT THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU THAT I GO?
OH, YES.
OKAY THEN, I PROMISE.
DID I DO THAT?
OH, IT'S NOTHING.
I'M SORRY. 
I-I...
IT'S OKAY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU.
[Eerie chirping]
[Sighing]
MICHAEL?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
UH, THE CICADAS.
THEY'RE IN THE TREES NOW,
THE BRANCHES.
SOON THEY'LL BE SHEDDING THEIR SKINS.
WHAT?
GO!
GET IN YOUR CAR AND GO!
RIGHT NOW!
[Michael] AMANDA?
I'LL BE OUT IN A SECOND.
[Michael] I WARNED YOU.
I WARNED YOU TO GO.
WHAT?
[Michael] I WARNED YOU.
I WARNED YOU TO GO.
AMANDA.
MICHAEL?
[Yelling] AMANDA!
MICHAEL!
MICHAEL, WHAT'S WRONG?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
MICHAEL?
MICHAEL, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
MICHAEL--
GET AWAY FROM ME!
MICHAEL?
MI-MICHAEL?
MICHAEL?
MICHAEL?
MICHAEL, WHY ARE YOU HIDING?
[Whispering] MICHAEL?
AAGH!
[Shrieking]
OH, MY GOD!
NO!
[Screaming]
[Caroline] WHAT...
WHAT IS IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
[Michael] KILL ME.
KILL ME.
WHAT?
KILL ME.
NOW.
AN HOUR, IT'LL BE TOO LATE.
MICHAEL... ?
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, AMANDA?
YOU PROMISED ME YOU'D GO.
YOU PROMISED ME.
YOU PROMISED!
[Michael] OH...
YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF?
WHY?
TO SAVE YOU.
TO SAVE ALL OF YOU.
HE KILLED EDWIN
AND THEN DEXTER.
THEY DESERVED IT,
BUT NOT TOM.
THEY WERE FRIENDS, BEST FRIENDS,
BUT HE'S GONE CRAZY.
WHO, MICHAEL?
HE'S GONE CRAZY!
WHO, MICHAEL?
KILL ME OR YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO STOP HIM.
KILL ME!
KILL ME! 
KILL ME!
LET'S STRAP HIM DOWN.
[Michael] KILL ME!
[Eli] MICHAEL!
[Michael] NO!
KILL ME!
MICHAEL!
KILL ME!
KILL ME!
KILL ME! 
KILL ME!
[Sobbing] KILL ME!
[Thunder]
GO TO LIONEL CURWIN'S HOUSE,
IN THE ROOT CELLAR.
AND THEN YOU'LL SEE
IT'S NOT ME YOU'LL BE KILLING,
I'LL BE DEAD ANYWAY,
B-BUT HIM!
HIM!
[Caroline] CAN'T YOU DO SOMETHING?
SHERIFF?
WE CAN CHECK IT OUT.
DAMMIT, JUDGE,
I CAN'T HAVE THAT BOY
MESSING WITH MY AMANDA.
HOW YOU GONNA STOP HIM?
WELL, HELL, I'LL JUST KILL HIM!
BLOW HIM AWAY.
YOU'RE LIABLE TO GET CAUGHT.
UNLESS, OF COURSE, UH
HE HAPPENED TO BE ANOTHER VICTIM
OF THAT MANIAC KILLER.
THAT'S RIGHT.
R JUST BE ANOTHE
VICTIM OF THE
MANIAC KILLER.
OH, DOC.
DO SOMETHING!
[Gasping]
[Choking]
DOC?
DOC?
[Sheriff] WHAT THE HELL'S DOWN THERE?
MACCLEARY.
HOLD IT.
[Deputy] OH, JESUS! 
OH, GOD!
[Sheriff] BILLY CONNORS PROBABLY.
[Deputy] CAN'T BE, IT'S TOO BIG.
HE'S CHAINED ANYWAY.
[Sheriff] MAYBE ONCE,
BUT DAMNED SURE NOT ALWAYS.
HE'S QUIETED DOWN, MRS. MACCLEARY.
LET'S HOPE THE CRISIS HAS PASSED.
"YOU GOTTA GET OUT, 'CAUSE YOU'RE A CURWIN."
BUT I NEVER HURT ANYBODY.
MICHAEL.
"CICADAS IN THE TREES NOW."
WHAT'S WITH THOSE CICADAS ANYWAY?
[Screaming]
[Choking]
OH!
I REALLY TRIED TO STOP HIM.
[Caroline] NO!
[Growling]
CHRIST!
[Caroline] OHH!
[Grunting]
JESUS CHRIST!
AAGH!
OH, MY GOD!
SHOOT HIM!
WHAT ARE YOU?
[Judge] SHOOT HIM!
SHOOT!
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, SHOOT HIM!
[Screaming]
[Gasping and wheezing]
[Police sirens]
THERE'S SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING IN THERE.
CAROLINE? 
CAROLINE?
[Sheriff] JEFF, LET'S GO.
[Eerie buzzing]
[Sheriff] WHAT IS IT, JEFF?
LOOKS LIKE RIGHT HERE
HE LEFT THE GROUND FOR A WHILE.
[Deputy] DON'T WORRY, I'LL FIND HIM.
GOD!
[Sheriff] IT'S HORACE.
[Eli] OH, GOD!
[Gasping]
[Eli] WHAT'S WRONG?
[Sheriff] TRACKS ARE GONE AGAIN.
JUST DISAPPEAR IN THIN AIR.
[Eerie buzzing]
IT'S SHED ITS SKIN LIKE A CICADA.
[Eerie buzzing]
AAGH!
[Growling]
[Screaming]
[Caroline] WE SHOULD HAVE KEPT LOOKING.
[Banging]
LET ME IN!
IN JESUS' NAME, LET ME IN!
YEAH?
PLEASE LET ME IN!
[Banging]
[Whimpering]
HE'S AFTER ME!
HE'S AFTER ME!
HE'S AFTER ME.
HE'S AFTER ME.
MY GOD, YOU GOTTA HELP ME.
YOU GOTTA HELP ME.
WHY?
WHAT?
WHY THE CURWINS?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO KILL YOU ALL?
I DON'T KNOW.
HOW WOULD I KNOW?
YOU DON'T KNOW, HUH?
N-NO!
GET OUT OF HERE.
WHAT?
GET OUT.
SHERIFF!
STAY OUT O F THIS, SHERIFF.
I HOLD YOU RESPONSIBLE,
YOU AND THIS WHOLE DAMN TOWN, TOO.
N BUT THIS MAN'S GOT INFORMATIO
AND I'M GOING TO GET IT
OR HE'S GOING OUT ON THE STREET.
NO, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING--
YOU KNOW EVERYTHING.
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT,
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SON,
AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL US, BY GOD
OR I'M THROWING YOU OUT THAT DOOR.
I SWEAR TO GOD, I-I...
IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING, JUDGE YOU BETTER START TALKING.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.
DON'T LET HIM...
YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU TELL US.
IT WAS BILLY.
BILLY CONNORS!
BILLY CONNORS!
. IT WAS MY BROTHER LIONEL
HE'S THE ONE WHO DID IT.
HE'S THE ONE WHO TURNED HIM INTO WHATEVER HE IS.
. NONE OF US KNEW WHAT TO DO WITH LIONEL
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR SOMETHING?
MY BROTHER LIONEL,
HE WOULDN'T EVEN TOUCH SARAH,
HIS OWN WIFE.
KNOW WHY?
HE THOUGHT IT WAS SINFUL.
YOU THINK SARAH RAN OFF WITH BILLY, DON'T YOU?
SHE DIDN'T.
SHE NEVER GOT THE CHANCE.
WHEN HE CAUGHT BILLY AND HER TOGETHER,
HE LIKE AS WENT CRAZY.
HE KILLED HER ALL RIGHT.
YEAH.
BUT THAT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM.
OH, NO.
HE HAD TO TAKE BILLY
AND LOCK HIM UP IN THAT CELLAR.
AND HE KEPT HIM THERE
AND HE KEPT HIM THERE
AND HE KEPT HIM THERE
UNTIL BILLY COULDN'T STAND IT ANYMORE,
UNTIL HE WAS STARVING.
AND LIONEL,
HE OPENED UP THAT CELLAR DOOR
AND HE SAYS:
"BILLY,
"BILLY,
"YOU STILL WANT HER?
"WELL, NOW YOU CAN HAVE HER."
AND HE THROWS HER BODY DOWN.
AFTER THAT, IT WAS EASY.
LIONEL,
THE TOWN UNDERTAKER,
ROBBING HIS OWN COFFIN S TO FEED BILLY HIS FLESH,
THE HUMAN FLES H BILLY NEEDED TO LIVE.
HA, IT WAS EASY.
AND YOU ALL COVERED FOR HIM.
NO,
. NOT TILL DEXTER FOUND..
. FOUND HIS BODY
HE FOUND IT ALL.
JESUS CHRIST, MAN, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT YOUR WIFE!
BUT HE GOT OUT.
AND HE ATTACKED MY WIFE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
YOU SON OF A--
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
IT WASN'T OUR FAULT.
NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT!
IT'S ALL RIGHT, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
AND YOU LISTEN NOW, I'LL EXPLAIN TO YOU.
IT WASN'T OUR FAULT.
IT WASN'T OUR FAULT.
AS SOON AS WE FOUND OUT,
WE WENT AFTER HIM.
WE DID!
AND YOU LEFT HIM TO DIE.
AND SOMEHOW HE GOT BACK TO THAT CELLAR,
THE ONLY PLACE HE EVER KNEW.
WE JUST FOUND HIS REMAINS.
MY GOD!
GET DOWN!
OVER THERE!
[Banging]
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, GET BACK BY THE CELLS.
[Gunshots]
GET IT!
ELI,
. COVER THE BACK
JEFF!
SHERIFF, LOCK ME IN HERE.
IT'S THE ONLY SAFE PLACE.
DOC, SHUT HIM UP!
[Eerie buzzing]
[Banging]
A GUN...
GIVE ME A GUN!
HE'S COMING THROUGH.
FOR GOD'S SAKE, GIVE ME A GUN!
GIVE IT TO HIM.
[Eerie buzzing]
WHAT'S THAT?
THE CICADAS.
THEY'RE COMING AFTER ME!
THEY'RE COMING AFTER ME.
YOUR GUTLESS HIDE IS SAFE.
HE'D HAVE TO KILL US FIRST.
GOT TO COME THROUGH THAT DOOR,
THERE'S NO OTHER WAY.
[Buzzing stops]
AAGH!
JEFF, LET'S GO.
[Footsteps] [Heavy breathing]
[Shrieking]
[Screaming]
[Growling]
DOC!
OH, MY GOD!
SHE'S STILL ALIVE. 
LET'S GET HER TO THE HOSPITAL.
OH, THERE'S SO MUCH BLOOD.
[Gurgling, choking sound]
[Gunshots]

Doctor!
-Doctor?
-Doctor?
It's the end.
But the moment has been prepared for.
ADRIC: 
The Watcher!
NYSSA: 
So he was the Doctor all the time.
(DOCTOR WHO THEME)
(ALARM BLARING)
DOCTOR: 
I... 
Oh.
These are secure premises!
Now, you lot have got some explaining to do.
-But the Doctor...
-He'll be taken care of.
Look, will you let me go?
Look, take your hands off me, this is an official uniform!
-Leave me alone!
-Now, don't be silly!
We would like to help you, but we can't just leave the Doctor!
Something might've gone wrong with his regeneration!
(SIREN WAILING)
Hands up and lean on it. 
Come on, quick!
We're perfectly harmless, unfortunately.
I thought the whole point of this Pharos Project of yours was to track down alien intelligences.
We thought we'd save you the trouble and come to you.
Oh, yes?
Yes! 
We're what you've been looking for.
Alien intelligences.
You see, I come from somewhere up there.
That is the way into E-Space.
(ENGINE STARTING)
Adric, quick!
Get him!
Get off me!
Get the Doctor, quick!
I'll hold him. 
Get the two girls!
This works the door.
That's all I know about these controls.
We can't take off without Adric. 
Doctor!
Where's he off to now?
Right, young man, you better come along with me.
Look, I hope you realise the Doctor's just saved us all from the Master.
And now he's going to take off and you'll never have a chance to...
Tegan!
-What's the matter?
-The Master's Tardis.
Adric! 
Adric, where are you?
I suppose we'd better take off or something.
I hope he knows what he's doing.
He took off once before, he said, but that was by mistake!
(WHOOSHING)
(MASTER CHUCKLING)
Good takeoff.
-The Doctor's very strange.
-He's weak, it's the shock.
Well, you better go and talk to him because I don't understand this scientific stuff.
-He's looking for something called a Zero Room.
-Zero Room? 
I'll go.
That boy never even said thank you.
Ah, you've come to help me find the Zero Room.
Welcome aboard. 
I'm the Doctor.
Or will be if this regeneration works out.
I suppose this is the mean free path tracker.
And this panel must be a referential difference.
I know the Tardis is huge, but it can't be taking them this long, surely.
What's a Zero Room, anyway?
The Doctor said something about null interfaces.
I suppose it's some sort of neutral environment.
An isolated space, cut off from the rest of the universe.
He should've told me that's what he wanted.
I could've shown him Brisbane.
Now, ordinary spaces, of course, show up on the architectural configuration indicators, but any good Zero Room is balanced to zero energy with respect to the world outside its four walls.
Or however many walls it has.
There was a very good polygonal Zero Room under the Junior Senate block on Gallifrey, widely acclaimed for its healing properties.
Romana's always telling me I need a holiday.
But Romana's gone, Doctor.
Gone?
Really?
Did she leave a note?
We said goodbye to her at the gateway!
Don't you remember?
Well, if we did, we did.
This should get you back to the console room when the time comes.
Are you sure you're all right?
There's strong dimensioning forces this deep in the Tardis.
Tend to make one a bit giddy.
-And the regeneration?
-I don't know.
I can feel it isn't going to be as smooth as on other occasions.
Sooner we get to this Zero Room place, the better, eh?
These mechanisms are too complex.
We just can't fly the Tardis without the Doctor's help.
What if we don't get it?
Anything could've happened to him and Adric.
Then the Tardis will just fly on and on, until it crashes into something.
-Crash? 
Is that likely?
-Inevitable.
The star densities in this galaxy vary inversely with the...
Oh, rabbits!
Tegan, I don't know what's happening to the Doctor, none of us understands it,
-but I do know that panicking is no use.
-You're right.
Well, if only we had a manual.
There's nothing we can do here.
I'm going to try and find them.
Wait! 
You don't know those corridors.
I got lost in them when I first came into the Tardis
-and I can tell you they're a nightmare.
-Then you'd better stay here.
I'll come with you.
Wait a minute!
"Tardis Information system. 
Ready for entry."
A databank!
I left a waistcoat like that on...
-Ever been to Alzarius?
-I was born there, Doctor!
Really?
It's a small universe, isn't it?
I wonder, boy, what would you do if you were me, hmm?
Or perhaps I should ask, what would I do if I were me.
(CHUCKLES)
Will it tell us how to fly the Tardis?
I'm sure that's in here somewhere, once we find the index file.
How do we find the index file?
Of course, if we had an index file, we could look it up in the index file, under index file!
-What am I saying? 
I'm talking nonsense.
-Recursion isn't nonsense.
Eh?
That's an example of recursion.
When procedures fold back on themselves.
If you had an index file, you could look it up in the index file.
If.
My dad used to say that "if" was the most powerful word in the English language.
Recursion's a powerful mathematical concept.
But I don't see how it can help us now.
If...
I-F! 
Stands for index file!
Not far now, Brigadier, if the Ice Warriors don't get there first.
Oh, no. 
Oh, dear.
We've wandered into the wrong corridor!
We must be close to the main Tardis drive now.
-Jamie! 
Jamie, you go back!
-No, I have to stay with you, Doctor.
No, nonsense, be sensible, go back!
When I say run, run!
Don't you understand?
The regeneration is failing.
I-F. 
It works. 
Let me have a go on it.
-Look up destination setting.
-Right. 
D-S.
You know, once you get into it, this whole funny system on the Tardis does start to make a sort of weird sense.
Except this.
"Tardis flight data. 
Programmed journey.
Departure: 
Earth, Pharos Project.
"Destination: 
Hydrogen in-rush: 
Event One."
Adric! 
Adric, not that way!
Adric. 
I remembered his name.
Seems the old Doc is coming unravelled in more ways than one.
Look, you'd better go back to the console room.
We're on a programmed flight. 
We won't crash.
At least, I don't think so.
DOCTOR: 
Adric!
That's the trouble with regeneration.
You never quite know what you're going to get.
No.
Dear me. 
Needs a drop of linseed oil, though.
(PANTING)
No, that looks like the end of the trail.
This part of the Tardis can't have been used for centuries.
-It does go on and on.
-Deeper and deeper.
Yes, I get that feeling, too, that we're going downwards.
MASTER: (CHUCKLING) Oh, no, you can't escape.
You're mine, Adric. 
Mine!
Until we have completed our final task.
Well, I suppose I'll get used to it in time.
(FOOTSTEPS)
(DOOR SHUTTING)
That's it. 
That's the door!
This way, come on!
-Doctor!
-Thank heavens.
The Zero Room door, I heard it slam.
-Doctor, are you all right?
-Fit as a fiddle, Vicki, but something very peculiar is going on in the Tardis.
The Zero Room. 
Have you seen it anywhere?
-I think the noise came from this direction.
-Good. 
I'll follow you.
Must be around here somewhere.
-Doctor?
-Hello, carmine seepage.
Actually, Doctor, it's me. 
My lipstick.
We passed this way before.
Oh, that's a relief. 
I thought the Tardis' auto-systems were playing up again.
Dreadful. 
Always going wrong.
It's time we went to Logopolis to get it all sorted out once and for...
We've been already, Doctor.
Doctor? 
What does the Zero Room look like?
Zero Room? 
Oh, it's very big.
Empty, sort of grey...
Pinkish-grey.
TEGAN: 
Come on, Doctor, through this way.
Thank you. 
You must be Tegan.
Works even better if you close the doors, Nyssa.
-It smells like roses.
-Yes. 
I've never quite understood why.
It's quite peaceful, isn't it?
Peaceful...
-Doctor, it's like...
-Like Traken used to be.
-Will you have to stay here long?
-Oh, just until my dendrites heal.
The nervous system's a very delicate network of logic junctions.
NYSSA: 
The synapses, yes.
Oh, yes, I was forgetting, Nyssa, bioelectronics is your strong point.
Yes, well, my tussle with the Master came at precisely the wrong moment.
When the synapses are weak, they're like radio receivers, picking up all sorts of jumbled signals.
I get it, the Zero Room cuts out all interference!
Completely! 
Even the gravity's only local.
-Goodness me, I'm tired.
-NYSSA: 
But there isn't even a bed.
Bed? 
Oh, I don't need a bed.
Not in the Zero Room.
-One of the advantages of stark simplicity.
-Can anybody do that?
You don't do it, it just sort of comes to you.
Like sleep. 
Very like sleep.
We only just made it to the Zero Room in time.
This regeneration is going to be difficult, and I shall need you all. 
Every one of you.
You, Tegan, you have it in you to be a fine coordinator.
Keeping us all together during the healing time.
Nyssa, of course, has the technical skill and understanding.
All the information you need is in the Tardis databank.
I'm sure you can find your way to it.
We already have, Doctor.
Good, good. 
Of course you have.
And Adric...
Adric with his badge for mathematical excellence,
Adric is the navigator. 
He knows the way.
He knows me, my old self.
Adric, you must help me heal the disconnection.
Your role is very crucial.
Adric.
(GASPS) Adric.
Adric. 
What are you doing up there?
A trap! 
He set a trap. 
The Master!
NYSSA: 
The Master? 
Where?
Me! 
I'm the trap!
I locked the coordinates. 
Event One!
TEGAN: 
Adric, hold on, I'm coming up to get you.
No, no, this isn't me, it isn't me! 
It's an illusion!
Projection! 
Block transfer.
Tegan, the coordinates!
Horrible.
Escape... 
Must escape.
So, these simulated projections are real enough to have a will of their own.
(CHUCKLING) Almost.
Can't... 
Can't reach me in the Zero Room.
Is that what you thought?
Well, my dear young man, it was your own computational powers that made the block transfer possible.
If escape were that easy, Adric, we could all be free of this nasty world.
Now, we must save your energies.
There is so much yet to be done!
We can't tell him now, he's in a dangerously unstable state!
Adric was trying to warn us.
The coordinates. 
And something about a trap.
You stay here and keep an eye on the Doctor.
-Where are you going?
-Console room. 
Look after the Doctor.
(KNOCKING)
That's odd.
Poor Adric. 
If only we could do something!
(DOCTOR MUMBLES)
What's the matter?
Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.
There seems to be something distinctly wrong.
I can feel it.
(BELL TOLLING)
Shh! 
The Tardis Cloister Bell. 
Imminent disaster.
-For us?
-Oh, worse than that.
The Tardis is in danger.
Who's in the console room?
-Nyssa.
-And Adric?
-Adric's...
-Well, is he, or isn't he?
Well, Doctor...
TEGAN: 
No, you can't go out there!
-Adric isn't what? 
Tell me!
-It doesn't matter.
Look, you stay here. 
I'll go.
After all, I am the coordinator.
"Hydrogen. 
Abundant element.
"Highly explosive in the presence of oxygen.
"Believed to be the basic constituent out of which the galaxy was first..."
Oh, this heat!
Has something gone wrong with the Tardis air-conditioning?
Of course, that's it! 
It's not the Tardis!
-Well, what else could it be?
-Outside! 
You'd better read this.
I've got to do something.
Event One.
A trap, Adric said. 
This is a time machine.
And we're travelling backwards in time!
Back to the first event!
The creation of the galaxy out of a huge in-rush of hydrogen.
We're heading straight into the biggest explosion in history!
(EXPLOSION)
Farewell, my friends.
Farewell forever!
(MASTER LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

LENFILM
Alexander Sergeyevich PUSHKIN
THE QUEEN OF SPADES
Narrator Alla DEMIDOVA
The Queen of Spades denotes secret ill-will.
From the latest Fortune-Teller.
Chapter I
In the cold, rain, and sleet They together would meet
To play.
Lord, forgive them their sin:
Gambling, late to win
They'd stay.
They won and they lost, And put down the cost
In chalk.
So on cold autumn days They wasted no time
In talk.
There was a card party at the rooms of Narumov of the Horse Guards.
The winter night passed quickly;
they had supper as late as 5 am.
Those who had won, ate with a good appetite;
the others sat staring absently at their empty plates.
When the champagne appeared, however, the conversation became more animated, and all took a part in it.
And how did you fare, Surin?
asked the host.
Oh, I lost, as usual.
I must confess that I am unlucky:
I play mirandole, I always keep cool,
I never allow anything to put me out, and yet I always lose!
And you did not once allow yourself to be tempted to back the red?
...
Your firmness astonishes me.
But what do you think of Hermann?
said one of the guests, pointing to a young Engineer:
he has never had a card in his hand in his life, he has never in, his life laid a wager,
and yet he sits here till five o'clock in the morning watching our play.
Play interests me very much, said Hermann:
but I am not in the position to sacrifice the necessary in the hope of winning the superfluous.
Hermann is a German:
he is economical - that is all!
observed Tomsky.
But if there is one person that I cannot understand, it is my grandmother, the Countess Anna Fedotovna.
How so?
I cannot understand, how it is that my grandmother does not punt.
What is there remarkable about an old lady of eighty not punting?
Then you do not know the reason why?
No, really; haven't the faintest idea.
Oh! 
then listen.
About sixty years ago, my grandmother went to Paris, where she created quite a sensation.
People used to run after her to catch a glimpse of the 'Muscovite Venus.'
Richelieu made love to her, and my grandmother maintains that he almost blew out his brains in consequence of her cruelty.
At that time ladies used to play at faro.
On one occasion at the Court, she lost a very considerable sum to the Duke of Orleans.
On returning home, my grandmother removed the patches from her face, took off her hoops, informed my grandfather of her loss at the gaming-table, and ordered him to pay the money.
My deceased grandfather, as far as I remember, was a sort of house-steward to my grandmother.
He dreaded her like fire;
but, on hearing of such a heavy loss, he almost went out of his mind;
brought the counts, and told her that she had spent half a million francs, they had neither their Moscow and nor Saratov estates Paris, refused to pay the debt.
My grandmother gave him a box on the ear and slept by herself as a sign of her displeasure.
The next day she sent for her husband, hoping that this domestic punishment had produced an effect upon him,
but she found him inflexible.
For the first time in her life, she entered into reasonings and explanations with him, thinking to be able to convince him by pointing out to him that there are debts and debts, and that there is a great difference between a Prince and a coachmaker.
But it was all in vain, my grandfather still remained obdurate.
My grandmother did not know what to do.
She had shortly before become acquainted with a very remarkable man.
You have heard of Count St. Germain, about whom so many marvellous stories are told.
You know that he represented himself as the Wandering Jew, as the discoverer of the elixir of life, of the philosopher's stone, and so forth.
Some laughed at him as a charlatan;
but Casanova, in his memoirs, says that he was a spy.
But be that as it may, St. Germain, in spite of the mystery surrounding him, was a very fascinating person, and was much sought after in the best circles of society.
Even to this day my grandmother retains an affectionate recollection of him, and becomes quite angry if any one speaks disrespectfully of him.
My grandmother knew that St. Germain had large sums of money at his disposal.
She resolved to have recourse to him, and she wrote a letter to him asking him to come to her without delay.
The queer old man immediately waited upon her and found her overwhelmed with grief.
She described to him in the blackest colours the barbarity of her husband, and ended by declaring that her whole hope depended upon his friendship and amiability.
St. Germain reflected.
'I could advance you the sum you want,' said he;
'but I know that you would not rest easy until you had paid me back, and I should not like to bring fresh troubles upon you.
But there is another way of getting out of your difficulty:
you can win back your money.'
'But, my dear Count,' replied my grandmother,
'I tell you that I haven't any money left.'
'Money is not necessary,' replied St. Germain:
'be pleased to listen to me.'
Then he revealed to her a secret, for which each of us would give a good deal...
The young officers listened with increased attention.
Tomsky lit his pipe, puffed away for a moment and then continued:
That same evening my grandmother went to Versailles to the au jeu de la Reine
The Duke of Orleans kept the bank;
my grandmother excused herself in an off-hand manner for not having yet paid her debt, by inventing some little story, and then began to play against him.
She chose three cards and played them one after the other:
all three won sonika, and my grandmother recovered every farthing that she had lost.
Mere chance!
A tale!
Perhaps they were marked cards!
I do not think so.
What! 
you have a grandmother who knows how to hit upon three lucky cards in succession, and you have never yet succeeded in getting the secret of it out of her?
That's the deuce of it!
she had four sons, one of whom was my father;
all four were determined gamblers, and yet not to one of them did she ever reveal her secret, although it would not have been a bad thing either for them or for me.
But this is what I heard from my uncle, Count Ivan Ilyich, and he assured me, on his honour, that it was true.
The late Chaplitzky - the same who died in poverty after having squandered millions -
once lost, in his youth, about three hundred thousand roubles - to Zorich, if I remember rightly.
He was in despair.
My grandmother, who was always very severe upon the extravagance of young men, took pity, however, upon Chaplitzky.
She gave him three cards, telling him to play them one after the other, at the same time exacting from him a solemn promise that he would never play at cards again as long as he lived.
Chaplitzky then went to his victorious opponent, and they began a fresh game.
On the first card he staked fifty thousand rubles and won sonika;
he doubled the stake and won again, till at last, by pursuing the same tactics, he won back more than he had lost...
But it is time to go to bed:
it is a quarter to six already.
And indeed it was already beginning to dawn:
the young men emptied their glasses and then took leave of each other.
Chapter II
It appears, Monsieur, that you clearly prefer the maids.
Would you wish me otherwise, Madame?
They are much fresher.
A Society Conversation.
The old Countess was seated in her dressing-room in front of her looking-glass.
Three waiting maids stood around her.
One held a small pot of rouge, another a box of hair-pins, and the third a tall can with bright red ribbons.
The Countess had no longer the slightest pretensions to beauty, but she still preserved the habits of her youth, dressed in strict accordance with the fashion of seventy years before, and made as long and as careful a toilette as she would have done
sixty years previously.
Near the window, at an embroidery frame, sat a young lady, her ward.
Good morning, grandmamma, said a young officer, entering the room.
Bonjour, Mademoiselle Lise.
I want to ask you something.
- What is it, Paul?
I want you to let me introduce one of my friends to you, and to allow me to bring him to the ball on Friday.
Bring him direct to the ball and introduce him to me there.
Were you at... yesterday?
Yes; everything went off very pleasantly, and dancing was kept up until five o'clock.
How charming Yeletzkaya was!
But, my dear, what is there charming about her?
Isn't she like her grandmother, the Princess Daria Petrovna?
Incidentally:
she must have grown old, the Princess Daria Petrovna.
How do you mean, old?
she died seven years ago.
The young lady gave a sign to the young man.
He remembered that the Countess had never to been told about their death and he bit his lips.
But the old Countess heard the news with the greatest indifference.
Dead!
and I did not know it.
We were appointed maids of honour at the same time, and when we were presented to the Empress...
And the Countess for the hundredth time related to her grandson one of her anecdotes.
Then she said,
Come, Paul, help me to get up.
Lizanka, where is my snuff-box?
And the Countess with her three maids went behind a screen to finish her toilette.
Tomsky was left alone with the young lady.
Who is the gentleman you wish to introduce to the Countess?
Narumov.
Do you know him?
No.
- Is he a soldier or a civilian?
- A soldier.
- Is he in the Engineers?
- No, in the Cavalry.
What made you think that he was in the Engineers?
The young lady smiled, but made no reply.
Paul!
send me some new novel, only pray don't let it be one of the present day style.
What do you mean, grandmother?
That is, a novel, in which the hero strangles neither his father nor his mother, and in which there are no drowned bodies.
I have a great horror of drowned persons.
There are no such novels nowadays.
Would you like a Russian one?
Are there any Russian novels?
Send me one, my dear, pray send me one!
Good-bye, grandmother:
I am in a hurry...
Good-bye, Lizaveta Ivanovna.
What made you think that Narumov was in the Engineers?
And Tomsky left the boudoir.
Lizaveta Ivanovna was left alone:
she laid aside her work and began to look out of the window.
A few moments afterwards, at a corner house on the other side of the street, a young officer appeared.
A deep blush covered her cheeks;
she took up her work again and bent her head down over the frame.
At the same moment the Countess returned completely dressed.
Order the carriage, Lizaveta, we will go out for a drive.
What is the matter with you, my child, are you deaf?
Order the carriage to be got ready at once.
I will do so this moment.
Madam! 
Some books from Paul Aleksandrovich for you!
Tell him that I am much obliged to him.
Lizaveta! 
Lizaveta!
Where are you running to?
I am going to dress.
There is plenty of time, my dear.
Sit down here.
Open the first volume and read to me aloud.
Her companion took the book and read a few lines.
Louder!
What is the matter with you, my child?
Have you lost your voice?
Wait - give me that footstool -
a little nearer - that will do.
Lizaveta read two more pages.
The Countess yawned.
Put the book down, what a lot of nonsense!
Send it back to Prince Paul with my thanks...
But where is the carriage?
The carriage is ready.
How is it that you are not dressed?
I must always wait for you.
It is intolerable, my dear!
How is it that you cannot hear me when I ring for you?
Tell Lizaveta Ivanovna that I am waiting for her..
At last you are here!
But why such an elaborate toilette?
Whom do you intend to captivate?
What sort of weather is it?
It seems rather windy.
No, your Ladyship, it is very calm.
You never think of what you are talking about.
Open the window.
So it is: windy and bitterly cold.
Unharness the horses.
Lizaveta, we won't go out - there was no need for you to deck yourself like that.
"What a life is mine!" thought Lizaveta Ivanovna.
And, in truth, Lizaveta Ivanovna was a very unfortunate creature.
"The bread of the stranger is bitter," says Dante,
"and his staircase hard to climb."
But who can know what the bitterness of dependence is so well as the poor companion of an old lady of quality?
The Countess had by no means a bad heart, bat she was capricious, like a woman who had been spoilt by the world, as well as being avaricious
and egotistical, like all old people who have seen their best days, and whose thoughts are with the past and not the present.
She participated in all the vanities of the great world, went to balls, where she sat in a corner, painted and dressed in old-fashioned style, like a deformed but indispensable ornament of the ball-room;
all the guests on entering approached her and made a profound bow, as if in accordance with a set ceremony, but after that nobody took any further notice of her.
She received the whole town at her house, although... she could no longer recognise the faces of people.
Her numerous domestics, growing fat and old in her ante-chamber and servants' hall, did just as they liked, and vied with each other in robbing the aged Countess..
Lizaveta Ivanovna was the martyr of the household.
She made tea, and was reproached with using too much sugar;
she read novels aloud to the Countess, and the faults of the author were visited upon her head;
she accompanied the Countess in her walks, and was held answerable for the weather or the state of the pavement.
A salary was attached to the post, but she very rarely received it, although she was expected to dress like everybody else, that is to say, like very few indeed.
In society she played the most pitiable role.
Everybody knew her, and nobody paid her any attention.
At balls she danced only when a partner was wanted, and ladies would only take hold of her arm when it was necessary to lead her out of the room to attend to their dresses.
She was very self-conscious, and felt her position keenly,
and she looked about her with impatience for a deliverer to come to her rescue;
but the young men, calculating in their giddiness, honoured her with but very little attention, although Lizaveta Ivanovna was a hundred times prettier than the bare-faced and cold-hearted marriageable girls around whom they hovered.
Many a time did she quietly slink away from the glittering but wearisome drawing-room, to go and cry in her own poor little room,
in which stood a screen, a chest of drawers, a looking-glass and a painted bedstead, and where a tallow candle burnt feebly in a copper candle-stick.
One morning - this was about two days after the evening party described at the beginning of this story, and a week previous to the scene at which we have just assisted -
One morning Lizaveta Ivanovna was seated near the window at her embroidery frame, when, happening to look out into the street, she caught sight of a young Engineer officer, standing motionless with his eyes fixed upon her window.
She lowered her head and went on again with her work.
About five minutes afterwards she looked out again - the young officer was still standing in the same place.
Not being in the habit of coquetting with passing officers, she did not continue to gaze out into the street, but went on sewing for a couple of hours, without raising her head.
Dinner was announced.
She rose up and began to put her embroidery away, but glancing casually out of the window,
she perceived the officer again.
This seemed to her very strange.
After dinner she went to the window with a certain feeling of uneasiness, but the officer was no longer there -
and she thought no more about him.
A couple of days afterwards, just as she was stepping into the carriage with the Countess, she saw him again.
He was standing close behind the door, with his face half-concealed by his fur collar, but his dark eyes sparkled beneath his cap.
Lizaveta felt alarmed, though she knew not why, and she trembled as she seated herself in the carriage.
On returning home, she hastened to the window - the officer was standing in his accustomed place, with his eyes fixed upon her.
She drew back, a prey to curiosity and agitated by a feeling which was quite new to her.
From that time forward not a day passed without the young officer making his appearance under the window at the customary hour, and between him and her there was established a sort of mute acquaintance.
Sitting in her place at work, she used to feel his approach;
and raising her head, she would look at him longer and longer each day.
The young man seemed to be very grateful to her:
she saw with the sharp eye of youth, how a sudden flush covered his pale cheeks each time that their glances met.
After about a week she commenced to smile at him...
When Tomsky asked for permission to introduce his friend to the Countess, the girl began to fret
But hearing that Narumov was a guardsman, she regretted that she had opened her secret to the Tomsky.
Hermann was the son of a German who had become a naturalised Russian, and from whom he had inherited a small capital.
Being firmly convinced of the necessity of preserving his independence,
Hermann did not touch his private income, but lived on his pay, without allowing himself the slightest luxury.
Moreover, he was reserved and ambitious, and his companions rarely had an opportunity of making merry at the expense of his extreme parsimony.
He had strong passions and an ardent imagination, but his firmness of disposition preserved him from the ordinary errors of young men.
Thus, though a gamester at heart, he never touched a card,
for he considered his position did not allow him - as he said -
"to risk the necessary in the hope of winning the superfluous,"
yet he would sit for nights together at the card table and follow with feverish anxiety the different turns of the game.
The story of the three cards had produced a powerful impression upon his imagination, and all night long he could think of nothing else.
If the old Countess would but reveal her secret to me!
If she would only tell me the names of the three winning cards.
Why should I not try my fortune?
I must get introduced to her and win her favour - become her lover...
But all that will take time, and she is 87 years old:
she might be dead in a week, in a couple of days even!
...
But the story itself:
can it really be true?
...
No!
Economy, temperance and industry:
those are my three winning cards;
by means of them I shall be able to double my capital - increase it sevenfold, and procure for myself ease and independence.
Musing in this manner, he walked on until he found himself in one of the principal streets of St. Petersburg, in front of a house of antiquated architecture.
The street was blocked the carriages drew up to the doorway.
Now a little foot of a young beauty showed from the carriage, now the boot of a cavalry officer, now a silk stocking and the shoes of a diplomat.
Fur coats and raincoats flashed before the porter.
Hermann stopped.
- Who's house is this?
- The Countess Ànna Fedotovna's.
Hermann started.
The strange story again presented itself to his imagination.
He began walking up and down before the house, thinking of its owner and her strange secret.
Returning late to his modest lodging, he could not go to sleep for a long time, and when at last he did doze off, he could dream of nothing but cards, green tables, piles of banknotes and heaps of ducats.
He played one card after the other, winning uninterruptedly, and then he gathered up the gold and filled his pockets with the notes.
When he woke up late the next morning, be sighed over the loss of his imaginary wealth,
and then sallying out into the town, he found himself once more in front of the Countess's residence.
Some unknown power seemed to have attracted him thither.
He stopped and looked up at the windows.
At one of these he saw a head with luxuriant black hair, which was bent down probably over some book or an embroidery frame.
The head was raised.
Hermann saw a fresh complexion and a pair of dark eyes.
That moment decided his fate.
Chapter III
My angel, you write me four-page letters so fast that I am not able to read them.
A Correspondence
Lizaveta Ivanovna took off her hat and hood, the Countess sent for her and told her to get the carriage.
They took their seats.
Just at the moment when two footmen were assisting the old lady to enter the carriage,
Lizaveta saw her Engineer standing close beside the wheel;
he grasped her hand;
alarm caused her to lose her presence of mind, and the young man disappeared - but not before he had left a letter between her fingers.
She concealed it in her glove, and during the whole of the drive she neither saw nor heard anything.
Who was that person that met us just now?
What is the name of this bridge?
What is written on that signboard?
What is the matter with you, my dear
Have you taken leave of your senses, or what is it?
Do you not hear me or understand what I say?
...
Heaven be thanked, I am still in my right mind and speak plainly enough!
Lizaveta Ivanovna did not hear her.
On returning home she ran to her room, and drew the letter out of her glove: it was not sealed.
Lizaveta read it.
The letter contained a declaration of love;
it was tender, respectful, and copied word for word from a German novel.
But Lizaveta did not know German, and she was pleased.
But the letter made her feel uneasy.
She was now entering into secret relationship with a young man.
His boldness alarmed her.
She reproached herself for her imprudent behaviour, and knew not what to do.
Should she sit by the window, and by her indifference to the officer cool his wish for further courting?
Should she send his letter back, or should she answer him coldly?
There was nobody to turn to, for she had neither female friend nor adviser...
She decided to respond.
She sat down at her writing-table, and began to think.
She would begin her letter, and then stop:
her words were now too condescending now too cruel.
She has succeeded in writing a few lines with which she felt satisfied.
I am convinced, that your intentions are honourable,
and that you do not wish
to offend me by any imprudent behaviour, but our acquaintance must not begin in such a manner.
I return you your letter, and I hope that I shall never have any cause to complain of this undeserved slight.
The next day, as soon as Hermann made his appearance,
Lizaveta rose from her embroidery, went into the drawing-room, opened the ventilator and threw the letter into the street, trusting that the young officer would have the perception to pick it up.
Hermann hastened forward, picked it up and then repaired to a confectioner's shop.
Breaking the seal of the envelope, he found inside it his own letter and Lizaveta's reply.
He had expected this, and he returned home, his mind deeply occupied with his intrigue.
Three days afterwards, a bright-eyed young girl from a milliner's establishment brought Lizaveta a letter.
Lizaveta opened it with great uneasiness, fearing that it was a demand for money, when suddenly she recognised Hermann's hand-writing.
You have made a mistake, my dear, this letter is not for me.
Oh, yes, it is for you.
Have the goodness to read it.
Hermann requested an interview.
She were alarmed at the audacious request, and the manner in which it was made.
It cannot be! 
This letter is certainly not for me!
If the letter was not for you, why have you torn it up?
I should have given it back to the person who sent it.
Be good enough, my dear, not to bring me any more letters for the future, and tell the person who sent you that he ought to be ashamed...
But Hermann was not the man to be thus put off.
Every day Lizaveta received from him a letter, sent now in this way, now in that.
They were no longer translated from the German.
Hermann wrote them under the inspiration of passion, and spoke in his own language,
and they bore full testimony to the inflexibility of his desire and the disordered condition of his uncontrollable imagination.
Lizaveta no longer thought of sending them back to him:
she became intoxicated with them and began to reply to them, and little by little her answers became longer and more affectionate.
At last she threw out of the window to him the following letter:
This evening there is going to be a ball at the Embassy. 
The Countess will be there.
We shall remain until two o'clock.
You have now an opportunity of seeing me alone.
As soon as the Countess is gone, the servants will very probably go out, and there will be nobody left but the Swiss, but he usually goes to sleep in his lodge.
Come about half-past eleven.
Walk straight upstairs.
If you meet anybody in the ante-room, ask if the Countess is at home.
You will be told 'No,' in which case there will be nothing left for you to do but to go away again. 
But it is most probable that you will meet nobody.
The maidservants will all be together in one room.
On leaving the ante-room, turn to the left, ...turn to the left... and walk straight on until you reach the Countess's bedroom.
In the bedroom, behind a screen, you will find two doors:
the one on the right leads to a cabinet, which the Countess never enters;
on the right...
the one on the left a little winding staircase;
this leads to my ...
On the right...
On the left...
Hermann trembled like a tiger, as he waited for the appointed time to arrive.
At ten o'clock in the evening he was already in front of the Countess's house.
The weather was terrible;
the wind blew with great violence;
the sleety snow fell in large flakes;
the lamps emitted a feeble light, the streets were deserted;
from time to time a sledge, drawn by a sorry-looking hack, passed by, on the look-out for a belated passenger.
Hermann was enveloped in a thick overcoat, and felt neither wind nor snow.
At last the Countess's carriage drew up.
Hermann saw two footmen carry out in their arms the bent form of the old lady, wrapped in sable fur, and immediately behind her, clad in a warm mantle, and with her head ornamented with a wreath of fresh flowers, followed Lizaveta.
The door was closed.
The carriage rolled away heavily through the yielding snow.
The porter shut the street-door;
the windows became dark.
Hermann began walking up and down near the deserted house;
at length he stopped under a lamp, and glanced at his watch: it was 20 minutes past eleven.
He remained standing under the lamp, his eyes fixed upon the watch, impatiently waiting for the remaining minutes to pass.
At half-past eleven precisely,
Hermann ascended the steps of the house, and made his way into the brightly-illuminated vestibule.
The porter was not there.
Hermann hastily ascended the staircase, opened the door of the ante-room and saw a footman sitting asleep in an antique chair by the side of a lamp.
With a light firm step Hermann passed by him.
The drawing-room and dining-room were in darkness, but a feeble reflection penetrated thither from the lamp in the ante-room.
Hermann reached the Countess's bedroom.
Before a shrine, which was full of old images, a golden lamp was burning.
Faded stuffed chairs and divans with soft cushions stood in melancholy symmetry around the room, the walls of which were hung with China silk.
On one side of the room hung two portraits painted in Paris by Madame Lebrun.
One of these represented a stout, red-faced man of about forty years of age in a bright-green uniform and with a star upon his breast;
the other - a beautiful young woman, with an aquiline nose forehead curls and a rose in her powdered hair.
In the corners stood porcelain shepherds and shepherdesses, dining-room clocks from the worksho of the celebrated Lefroy, bandboxes, roulettes, fans and the various playthings for the amusement of ladies that were in vogue at the end of the last century,
when Montgolfier's balloons and Mesmer's magnetism were the rage.
Hermann stepped behind the screen.
At the back of it stood a little iron bedstead;
on the right was the door which led to the cabinet;
on the left - the other which led to the corridor.
He opened the latter, and saw the little winding staircase which led to the room of the poor companion...
But he retraced his steps and entered the dark cabinet.
The time passed slowly.
All was still.
The clock in the drawing-room struck twelve;
the strokes echoed through the room one after the other, and everything was quiet again.
Hermann stood leaning against the cold stove.
He was calm;
his heart beat regularly, like that of a man resolved upon a dangerous but inevitable undertaking.
One o'clock in the morning struck; then two;
and he heard the distant noise of carriage-wheels.
An involuntary agitation took possession of him.
The carriage drew near and stopped.
He heard the sound of carriage-steps.
All began to bustle.
They started running voices resounded,
and it was light.
Three maids entered the room running, and the Countess, half alive, sank into the armchair.
Hermann peeped through a chink.
Lizaveta Ivanovna passed close by him, and he heard her hurried steps as she hastened up the little spiral staircase.
For a moment his heart was assailed by something like a pricking of conscience, but the emotion was only transitory, and his heart became petrified as before.
The Countess began to undress before her looking-glass.
Her rose-bedecked cap was taken off, and then her powdered wig was removed from off her white and closely-cut hair.
Hairpins fell in showers around her.
Her yellow satin dress, brocaded with silver, fell down at her swollen feet.
Hermann was a witness of the repugnant mysteries of her toilette;
at last the Countess was in her night-cap and dressing-gown, and in this costume, more suitable to her age, she appeared less hideous and deformed.
Like all old people, the Countess suffered from insomnia.
She undressed, sat down in an armchair and dismissed her maids
The candles were taken out, there was only one lamp burning in the room.
The Countess sat there looking quite yellow, mumbling with her flaccid lips and swaying to and fro.
Her dull eyes expressed complete vacancy of mind, and, looking at her, one would have thought that the rocking of her body was not a voluntary action of her own, but was produced by the action of some concealed galvanic mechanism.
Suddenly the death-like face assumed an inexplicable expression.
The lips ceased to tremble, the eyes became animated:
before the Countess stood an unknown man.
Do not be alarmed, for Heaven's sake, do not be alarmed!
I have no intention of doing you any harm,
I have only come to ask a favour of you.
I have only come to ask a favour of you.
Do not be alarmed!
You can insure the happiness of my life, and it will cost you nothing.
I know that you can name three cards in order ...
It was a joke,
I assure you it was only a joke.
There is no joking about the matter.
Remember Chaplitzky, whom you helped to win.
Can you not name me these three winning cards?
For whom are you preserving your secret? 
For your grandsons?
They are rich enough without it;
they do not know the worth of money.
Your cards would be of no use to a spendthrift.
He who cannot preserve his paternal inheritance, will die in want, even though he had a demon at his service.
I am not a man of that sort;
I know the value of money.
Your three cards will not be thrown away upon me.
Come!
..
If your heart has ever known the feeling of love, if you remember its rapture,
if you have ever smiled at the cry of your new-born child, if any human feeling has ever entered into your breast,
I entreat you by the feelings of a wife, a lover, a mother, by all that is most sacred in life, not to reject my prayer.
Reveal to me your secret.
Of what use is it to you?
...
May be it is connected with some terrible sin with the loss of eternal salvation, with some bargain with the devil... 
Reflect, - you are old;
you have not long to live -
I am ready to take your sins upon my soul. 
Remember... that the happiness
of a man
is in your hands, that not only I, but my children, and grandchildren will bless your memory
and reverence you as a saint...
You old hag!
then I will make you answer!
Come, an end to this childish nonsense!
I ask you for the last time:
will you tell me the names of your three cards,
or will you not?
The Countess made no reply.
Hermann perceived that she was dead!
Chapter IV 7 ìàÿ 18**.
May 7, 18**.
A man without morals or religion. 
- A Correspondence.
Lizaveta Ivanovna was in her room, still in her ball dress, lost in thought.
On returning home, she dismissed the chambermaid who reluctantly came over to help her, said that she would undress herself, and with a trembling heart went to her room, hoping to find Hermann there, yet wishing not to find him.
At the first glance she convinced herself that he was not there, and she thanked her fate for having prevented him keeping the appointment.
She sat down without undressing, and began to recall to mind all the circumstances which in so short a time had carried her so far.
It was not three weeks since the time when she first saw the young officer from the window- and yet she was already in correspondence with him, and he had succeeded in inducing her to grant him a nocturnal interview!
She knew his name only through his having written it at the bottom of some of his letters;
she had never spoken to him, had never heard his voice, and had never heard him spoken of until that evening.
But, strange to say, that very evening at the ball,
Tomsky, being piqued with the young Princess Pauline, who, contrary to her usual custom, did not flirt with him, wished to revenge himself by assuming an air of indifference:
he therefore engaged Lizaveta Ivanovna and danced an endless mazurka with her.
During the whole of the time he kept teasing her about her partiality for Engineer officers;
he assured her that he knew far more than she imagined, and some of his jests were so happily aimed, that Lizaveta thought several times that her secret was known to him.
From whom have you learnt all this?
From a friend of a person very well known to you - a very distinguished man.
- And who is this distinguished man?
- His name is Hermann.
This Hermann, is a man of romantic personality.
He has the profile of a Napoleon, and the soul of a Mephistopheles.
I believe that he has at least three crimes upon his conscience...
How pale you have become!
..
- I have a headache...
But what did this Hermann - or whatever his name is - tell you
Hermann is very much dissatisfied with his friend:
he says that in his place he would act very differently...
I even think that Hermann himself has designs upon you;
at least, he listens very attentively to all that his friend has to say about you.
And where has he seen me?
In church, perhaps; or on the parade 
- God alone knows where.
It may have been in your room, while you were asleep, for there is nothing that he...
Three ladies approaching him with the question:
"oubliou regret?" interrupted the conversation, which had become so tantalisingly interesting to Lizaveta.
The lady chosen by Tomsky was the Princess Pauline herself.
She managed to speak to him by making another round, by turning round in front of her chair.
On returning to his place,
Tomsky thought no more either of Hermann or Lizaveta.
She longed to renew the interrupted conversation, but the mazurka came to an end, and shortly afterwards
the old Countess took her departure.
Tomsky's words were nothing more than the customary small talk of the dance, but they sank deep into the soul of the young dreamer.
The portrait, sketched by Tomsky, was very much like the image she made up in her mind, and thanks to the latest romances, it was a trivial face frightened her and fascinated her imagination.
She was now sitting with her bare arms crossed and with her head, still adorned with flowers, sunk upon her uncovered bosom.
Suddenly the door opened and Hermann entered.
She shuddered.
Where were you?
In the old Countess's bedroom.
I have just left her.
The Countess is dead.
My God!
What do you say?
And I am afraid, that I am the cause of her death.
Lizaveta looked at him, and Tomsky's words found an echo in her soul:
"This man has at least three crimes upon his conscience!"
Hermann sat down by the window near her, and related all that had happened.
Lizaveta listened to him in terror.
So all those passionate letters, those ardent desires, this bold obstinate pursuit - all this was not love!
Money - that was what his soul yearned for!
She could not satisfy his desire and make him happy.
I had been nothing but the blind tool of a robber, of the murderer of my aged benefactress!
..
She wept bitter tears of agonised repentance.
Hermann gazed at her in silence:
his heart, too, was a prey to violent emotion, but neither the tears of the poor girl, nor the wonderful charm of her beauty could produce any impression upon his hardened soul.
He felt no pricking of conscience at the thought of the dead old woman.
One thing only grieved him:
the irreparable loss of the secret from which he had expected to obtain great wealth.
You are a monster!
I did not wish for her death, my pistol was not loaded.
Both remained silent.
The day began to dawn.
Lizaveta extinguished her candle:
a pale light illumined her room.
She wiped her tear-stained eyes and raised them towards Hermann:
he was sitting near the window, with his arms crossed and with a fierce frown upon his forehead.
In this attitude he bore a striking resemblance to the portrait of Napoleon.
This resemblance struck Lizaveta even.
How shall I get you out of the house?
I thought of conducting you down the secret staircase, but in that case it would be necessary to go through the Countess's bedroom, and I am afraid.
Tell me how to find this secret staircase -
I will go alone.
Hermann pressed her cold, limp hand, kissed her bowed head, and left the room.
He descended the winding staircase, and once more entered the Countess's bedroom.
The dead old lady sat as if petrified;
her face expressed profound tranquillity.
Hermann stopped before her, and gazed long and earnestly at her, as if he wished to convince himself of the terrible reality;
at last he entered the cabinet,
felt behind the tapestry for the door, and then began to descend the dark staircase, filled with strange emotions.
Down this very staircase, perhaps coming from the very same room, and at this very same hour sixty years ago, there may have glided, in an embroidered coat, with his hair dressed a l'oiseau royal
and pressing to his heart his three-cornered hat, some young gallant, who has long been mouldering in the grave, but the heart of his aged mistress
has only to-day ceased to beat...
At the bottom of the staircase Hermann found a door, which he opened with a key, and then traversed a corridor which conducted him into the street.
Chapter V
That night the dead Baroness von W. appeared to me
She was all in white and said:
'How do you do, Mr. Councillor?
' 
- Swedenborg.
Three days after the fatal night, at nine o'clock in the morning,
Hermann repaired to the Convent, where the last honours were to be paid to the mortal remains of the old Countess.
Although feeling no remorse, he could not altogether stifle the voice of conscience, which said to him: "You are the murderer of the old woman!"
In spite of his entertaining very little religious belief, he was exceedingly superstitious;
and believing that the dead Countess might exercise an evil influence on his life, he resolved to be present at her obsequies in order to implore her pardon.
The church was full.
It was with difficulty that Hermann made his way through the crowd of people.
The coffin was placed upon a rich catafalque beneath a velvet baldachin.
The deceased Countess lay within it, with her hands crossed upon her breast, with a lace cap upon her head and dressed in a white satin robe.
Around the catafalque stood the members of her household:
the servants in black caftans, with armorial ribbons upon their shoulders, and candles in their hands;
the relatives - children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren - in deep mourning.
Nobody wept; tears would have been une affectation.
The Countess was so old, that her death could have surprised nobody, and her relatives had long looked upon her as being out of the world.
A famous preacher pronounced the funeral sermon.
In simple and touching words he described the peaceful passing away of the righteous, who had passed long years in calm preparation for a Christian end.
The angel of death found her, engaged in pious meditation
and waiting for the midnight bridegroom.
The service concluded amidst profound silence.
The relatives went forward first to take farewell of the corpse.
Then followed the numerous guests, who had come to render the last homage to her who for so many years had been a participator in their frivolous amusements.
After these followed the members of the Countess's household.
The last of these was an old woman of the same age as the deceased.
Two young women led her forward by the hand.
She had not strength enough to bow down to the ground - she merely shed a few tears and kissed the cold hand of her mistress.
Hermann now resolved to approach the coffin.
He knelt down upon the cold stones and remained in that position for some minutes;
at last he arose, as pale as the deceased Countess herself;
he ascended the steps of the catafalque and bent over the corpse...
At that moment it seemed to him that the dead woman darted a mocking look at him and winked with one eye.
Hermann started back, took a false step and fell to the ground.
Several persons raised him up.
At the same moment Lizaveta Ivanovna was borne fainting into the porch of the church.
This episode disturbed for some minutes the solemnity of the gloomy ceremony.
Among the congregation arose a deep murmur, and a tall thin chamberlain, a near relative of the deceased, whispered in the ear of an Englishman who was standing near him, that the young officer was a natural son of the Countess,
to which the Englishman coldly replied: "Oh!"
During the whole of that day, Hermann was strangely excited.
Repairing to an out-of-the-way restaurant to dine, he drank a great deal of wine, contrary to his usual custom, in the hope of deadening his inward agitation.
But the wine only served to excite his imagination still more.
On returning home, he threw himself upon his bed without undressing, and fell into a deep sleep.
When he woke up it was already night, and the moon was shining into the room.
He looked at his watch:
it was a quarter to three.
Sleep had left him;
he sat down upon his bed and thought of the funeral of the old Countess.
At that moment somebody in the street looked in at his window, and immediately passed on again.
Hermann paid no attention to this incident.
A few moments afterwards he heard the door of his ante-room open.
Hermann thought that it was his orderly, drunk as usual, returning from some nocturnal expedition,
but presently he heard footsteps that were unknown to him:
somebody was walking softly over the floor in slippers.
The door opened, and a woman dressed in white, entered the room.
Hermann mistook her for his old nurse, and wondered what could bring her there at that hour of the night.
But the white woman glided rapidly across the room
and stood before him - and Hermann recognised the Countess!
I have come to you against my wish, but I have been ordered to grant your request.
Three, seven, ace, will win for you if played in succession,
but only on these conditions:
that you do not play more than one card in twenty-four hours, and that you never play again during the rest of your life.
I forgive you my death, on condition that you marry my companion, Lizaveta Ivanovna...
With these words she turned round very quietly,
walked with a shuffling gait towards the door and disappeared.
Hermann heard the street-door open and shut, and again he saw some one look in at him through the window.
For a long time Hermann could not recover himself.
He then rose up and entered the next room.
His orderly was lying asleep upon the floor, and he had much difficulty in waking him.
The orderly was drunk as usual, and no information could be obtained from him.
The street-door was locked.
Hermann returned to his room, lit his candle,
and wrote down all the details of his vision.
Chapter VI
"Attendez!" "How dare you say 'attendez' to me?"
"Your excellency, I said 'attendez, sir'"
Two fixed ideas can no more exist together in the moral world than two bodies can occupy one and the same place in the physical world.
"Three, seven, ace,"
soon drove out of Hermann's mind the thought of the dead Countess.
"Three, seven, ace," were perpetually running through his head and continually being repeated by his lips.
If he saw a young girl, he would say:
How slender she is!
quite like the three of hearts.
If anybody asked:
"What is the time?"
he would reply:
Five minutes to seven.
Every stout man that he saw reminded him of the ace.
"Three, seven, ace" haunted him in his sleep, and assumed all possible shapes.
The threes bloomed before him in the forms of magnificent flowers, the sevens were represented by Gothic portals, and the aces became transformed into gigantic spiders.
One thought alone occupied his whole mind - to make a profitable use of the secret which he had purchased so dearly.
He thought of applying for a furlough so as to travel abroad.
He wanted to go to Paris and tempt fortune in some of the public gambling-houses that abounded there.
Chance spared him all this trouble.
There was in Moscow a society of rich gamesters, presided over by the celebrated Chekalinsky, who had passed all his life at the card-table and had amassed millions, accepting bills of exchange for his winnings and paying his losses in ready money.
His long experience secured for him the confidence of his companions, and his open house, his famous cook, and his agreeable and fascinating manners gained for him the respect of the public.
He came to St. Petersburg.
The young men of the capital flocked to his rooms, forgetting balls for cards, and preferring the emotions of faro to the seductions of flirting.
Narumov conducted Hermann to Chekalinsky's residence.
They passed through a suite of magnificent rooms, filled with attentive domestics.
Generals and Privy Counsellors were playing at whist;
young men were lolling carelessly upon the velvet-covered sofas, eating ices and smoking pipes.
In the drawing-room, at the head of a long table, around which were assembled about a score of players, sat the master of the house keeping the bank.
He was a man of about sixty years of age, of a very dignified appearance;
his head was covered with silvery-white hair;
his full, florid countenance expressed good-nature, and his eyes twinkled with a perpetual smile.
Narumov introduced Hermann to him.
Chekalinsky shook him by the hand in a friendly manner, requested him not to stand on ceremony, and then went on dealing.
The game lasted long.
There were over thirty cards on the table.
Chekalinsky paused after each throw, in order to let the players to arrange the cards and wrote down the losses, listening to their requests, and politely put straight the corners of cards that some player had bent.
The game was over now.
Chekalinsky shuffled the cards and prepared to deal again.
Let me stake.
Yes.
Happy absolution!
Good luck!
Stake!
How much?
excuse me, I cannot see quite clearly.
47,000 rubles.
At these words every head in the room turned suddenly round, and all eyes were fixed upon Hermann.
"He has taken leave of his senses!" thought Narumov.
Allow me to inform you, that you are playing very high;
nobody here has ever staked more than 275 rubles at once.
Very well, but do you accept my card or not?
I only wish to say, that although I trust my friends,
I can only play against ready money.
As for me, I am quite sure that your word is enough,
but as a formality, I ask you to stake the money.
I have won!
Do you wish me to settle with you?
If you please.
Chekalinsky drew from his pocket a number of banknotes and paid at once.
Hermann took up his money and left the table.
Narumov could not recover from his astonishment.
Hermann drank a glass of lemonade and returned home.
The next evening he appeared at Chekalinsky's again.
The host was dealing.
Hermann walked up to the table;
the punters made room for him.
Chekalinsky greeted him with a gracious bow.
Hermann waited for the next deal and staked.
47,000 rubles all in all and his previous winning.
Chekalinsky began to deal.
A knave turned up on the right, a seven on the left.
Hermann showed his... seven.
There was a general exclamation.
Chekalinsky was evidently ill at ease, but he counted out 94.000 rubles and handed them over to Hermann,
who pocketed them in the coolest manner possible and immediately left the house.
The next evening Hermann appeared again at the table.
Every one was expecting him.
The generals and Privy Counsellors left their whist in order to watch such extraordinary play.
The young officers quitted their sofas, and even the servants crowded into the room. 
All pressed round Hermann.
The other players left off punting, impatient to see how it would end.
Hermann stood at the table and prepared to play alone against the pale, but still smiling Chekalinsky.
Each opened a pack of cards.
Chekalinsky shuffled.
Hermann took a card and covered it with a pile of bank-notes.
It was like a duel.
Deep silence reigned around.
Chekalinsky began to deal;
his hands trembled.
On the right a queen turned up, and on the left an ace.
Ace has won!
Your queen has lost.
Instead of an ace, there lay before him the queen of spades!
He could not believe his eyes, nor could he understand how he had made such a mistake.
At that moment it seemed to him that the queen of spades smiled ironically
and winked her eye at him.
He was struck by her remarkable resemblance...
The old Countess!
Chekalinsky gathered up his winnings.
Hermann remained perfectly motionless.
When at last he left the table, there was a general commotion in the room.
"Splendidly punted!" said the players.
Chekalinsky shuffled the cards afresh,
and the game went on as usual.
EPILOGUE
Hermann went out of his mind, and is now confined in room Number 17 of the Obukhov Hospital.
He never answers any questions, but he constantly mutters with unusual rapidity:
"Three, seven, ace!" "Three, seven, queen!"
Lizaveta Ivanovna has married a very amiable young man, a son of the former steward of the old Countess.
He is in the service of the State somewhere, and is in receipt of a good income.
Lizaveta is also supporting a poor relative.
Tomsky has been promoted to the rank of captain, and has become the husband of the Princess Pauline.
Cast:
Engineer Hermann Viktor PROSKURIN
Lizaveta Ivanovna Irina DYMCHENKO
Countess Anna Fedotovna Yelena GLAGOLEVA
Tomsky Vitaly SOLOMIN
Chekalinsky Innokenty SMOKTUNOVSKY
Narumov Konstantin GRIGORYEV
Surin Alexander ZAKHAROV
A. PINTOVSKAYA, V. BOGDANOV, Ye. 
GRADOV
Music by Dmitry BORTYANSKY
Directed by Igor MASLENNIKOV
Director of Photography Yury VEKSLER
Production Designer Isaak KAPLAN
Costume Designer Nelli LEV
Sound Engineer Asya ZVEREVA
Translation by Natalie Duddington and Alec Vagapov
Subtitles by Boris Bulgakov
The End

Who are you?
THE AGE OF IRON Episode Two
Who are you?
I do not know yet.
You decide - who I am.
- I will not ask again.
Who are you?
I have been lost at sea for weeks.
I have been shot with an arrow.
I do not know anything else.
Was it not good enough or was it not enough? 
For a beggar.
It was enough for me.
Let's make a deal.
You do not look like a deal-maker.
That is your opinion.
There are two opinions.
A man's own opinion and the opinion of others.
Both are wrong.
Man is something else.
He has the same name and skin all his life.
What is the price of your daughter?
You have no boat, you have no horses.
Still, you ask for my daughter.
- I did not. 
I asked for a price.
There is not enough money... 
- Let me try, however impossible it is.
Do you know what money is?
I want a Sampo, a money-spinner.
To make money for me.
A pile the size of an ant hill.
I guess you cannot have her!
The Sampo must make money that looks like this. 
Look!
That is money!
I feared you would ask me about the difference between men and women.
Do you consider that the most difficult question? 
- Yes.
You do not know?
- Yes, I do, but you do not.
So what is the difference?
- Well - men wear clothes, women go around naked.
Even when they are clothed.
You should have asked me.
About what?
- Build a boat.
Build one without using your hands or paying for it.
I will come for you. 
Wait for me!
Why does he do that?
I am already here.
Why does he want to pay for me?
I do not understand men.
Who are you?
- I have a difficult job for you.
I have not had the time to forge them.
I have not been able to make the gate, the lock and the key.
I have had other problems.
Wake up!
Yes? 
What do you want forged?
A Sampo, which makes money.
It creates and mints it.
Explain what you mean!
I made a deal for a daughter of the North. 
For you.
You can have her if you make me the Sampo. 
- I do not know...
Try!
- Why are you offering it to me?
That... woman.
You need her.
You are a blacksmith.
Try!
Let the blacksmith try.
But - but how will I build the boat?
I do not know.
"Without using my hands or paying."
Let the blacksmith try.
I will tell him to go to North.
No! 
- You have to!
Why do not you go?
She is for the blacksmith.
What if he cannot make it?
To whom is she promised?
- To the one who will have her.
You cannot do it. 
She is mine.
I will make it! 
The Sampo.
One left, the other stayed.
It is pointless.
It must be made.
The boat.
Will you not miss your woman?
I will see if there is a woman who cares for me.
You have Kyllikki.
- Had.
May I?
Try to catch a Devil's moose on skis.
But there is no snow. 
- There will be when your skis are ready.
There is no wood.
- The forest is full of trees.
She did not ask for much.
Just a boat.
Build a boat.
Build it without using your hands - or paying for it.
What do you want?
How can I build a boat- tell me - without using my hands or paying for it?
What for?
- To buy myself a woman.
You would have had her by not asking.
You would have known how by not trying.
Do you not understand?
- No.
Tell me again.
Go away - while you still can.
Go away.
Build a boat.
A big one and quickly.
What are you doing?
- Making steel.
Steel is iron but iron is not steel.
True.
And you are not sane.
I have never seen a man who is so crazy about women.
It will not work!
Hi-ho!
Hi-ho!
Hi-ho!
What is the matter?
Can you not do it?
Do you not know?
I will not be born twice.
I will not die twice.
I will not forge the Sampo twice!
Do not give up!
Do not try to look. 
See it.
If you understand you will see without looking.
Do not try it! 
I am making it.
You will not learn it!
I cannot do it anymore.
I will not do it again.
The Sampo.
It makes money.
Real-looking money, but fake.
I love that.
There it is. 
The Sampo.
You are too late.
But...
I will pay anything!
You would have had me by not asking.
You would have made it by not hurrying.
You asked for the wrong thing.
You asked for a price, not for me.
Do you not know that women are a tough commodity?
Anyone else would have to pay for me, you could have had me.
Are you selling me cheap?
Either at a high price or for free.
Give me to the one you are making a deal with.
To whom did you promise her?
- To the one who will have her.
You should have chosen Vainö.
He is a real man.
You can have him.
- Silence!
He is old.
- You are just saying that.
You do not mean it.
- Like you are being honest?
You would have chosen the old man.
- If it had been possible.
The moose is not enough!
- Give me your daughter!
I am young.
You have two more tasks.
- What else?
Go shoot a swan in the Tuonela river.
A swan?
The Tuonela river....
The ox will be slaughtered for the wedding. 
All will be invited - except him.
Screenplay: 
Paavo Haavikko
Music: 
Aulis Sallinen
Production Designer: 
Ensio Suominen
Director: 
Kalle Holmberg
Subtitles: 
Arto Vartiainen Broadcast Text
Subtitles: 
Arto Vartiainen Broadcast Text

THE GOOD MARRIAGE
"Can any of us refrain from building castles in Spain?" La Fontaine
Library of Art and Archaeology
Simon?
Can I drop by?
At seven.
We'll eat there.
I don't want to go out.
Bye.
Wait.
He's home?
Already?
I thought it was tomorrow...
If I'd known I'd have come tonight.
You didn't say...
Alexandre, dear... 
How are you?
Yes, it's Dad.
Tell me...
Really?
That's great.
You didn't fall?
You galloped?
A champ!
You'll tell me the rest tomorrow.
I can't come tonight, I'm working.
Yes, well, painters work at night.
OK... 
Big kiss!
Me too. 
Sleep tight.
See you tomorrow.
What are you doing?
- I'm going home.
Are you crazy?
Then you'll be free to make phone calls.
Listen, it was unexpected.
I've got kids, dammit!
Then you belong with them and their mother.
Don't lecture me.
What's gotten into you?
It took me a while, it could have happened sooner, but, better late than never!
I've had it with married men!
Their wives and kids are a big drag!
My kid's back from camp, so my wife called.
She wouldn't have to if you lived with her.
So I shouldn't sleep here, that's cute coming from you.
Sleep where you want, I am going home.
This is your home.
You know that.
No, I'm at Leghen's studio.
The famous painter, Leghen.
In my house, there wouldn't be so many paintings and paint-pots.
And wives and kids calling at all hours.
I'm going home.
- I'll take you.
Don't you dare.
We're through.
Do you know what?
- What?
I'm getting married.
What?
!
You're married, why can't I be?
Oh, yeah... 
Who with?
I don't know.
The man I decide on, who appeals to me.
Well... 
Good luck!
Just because your marriage failed, doesn't mean mine will.
I'll be very choosy.
Let go. 
You're ridiculous.
- Listen...
Are you coming tomorrow?
From now on, I'm sleeping at home.
I just meant... to go out or have dinner.
I don't want to.
Anyway, I have a date.
With him?
- Who?
Your intended!
I told you, I just got the idea.
I never thought of it before.
Or rather, I hadn't made up my mind.
I have now!
You're out of your mind.
I was but I'm not now.
Eventually, I'll get a divorce.
You'd make a good husband.
We'll stay friends.
Of course.
I'll get to meet your mistresses.
- You bet!
I hope you have lots.
Lots and lots.
Hello, Sabine. 
How are you?
Fine, thanks.
It's a poster for my room.
I liked the pink.
Do you want to see it?
Not now, I'm late.
I couldn't leave till you got here.
I won't be in today or tomorrow and if anyone calls, say I'll be in Friday.
See you Friday.
I almost forgot...
Mrs. De Saint-Biez called about her Jersey porcelain.
I'm not interested.
She wants far too much.
She'll come down.
See you Friday.
I'll be right with you when I'm done with this colour.
I like this a lot.
Really?
- You know I say what I think.
I liked the last one less.
It takes all kinds.
I disagree. 
You don't care if you sell them or not.
You don't develop your personality enough.
To develop it,
I have to find it.
It's in that direction.
Maybe.
You know I really envy you?
Do what I do.
Don't be silly.
You're happy.
You make things.
I'm wasting my time working for that woman.
If you wanted to paint...
I'm not talented.
- You are more than you think.
I'll teach you.
You could do the shades and the bases. 
I need an assistant.
I can't do it all myself.
I hate taking orders.
You do where you work now.
That's different.
It's just a boring job.
I'll quit some day.
You'd be my partner.
That'd be even worse.
I'm too independent.
I don't think we'd get along.
Give it a try.
Maybe, but not now.
Do you know what?
- What?
I'm getting married.
To Simon!
He's getting divorced?
Even if he did, I wouldn't want him and his kids.
Then who?
Do I know him?
Nobody in particular.
It's an idea.
Well, in that case...
The point is, I've made up my mind.
You can't just decide to get married.
I got married because I loved Frederic.
Well, I'm different.
I can do things my way.
Where will you find this husband?
They're all over, finding one isn't the problem.
I've always been good at that.
The point is that I've changed my attitude.
The other night at Simon's,
I said to myself,
"What am I doing here?
This guy has a wife and kids,
"when so many men are unattached."
I decided there and then...
Well, not quite.
I'd been toying with the idea for some time.
I see men in a different light now.
In the morning, the train is full of guys working, students, teachers, engineers...
They're reading, writing, thinking...
I like to watch men work, that's when they look the best.
I never watched my lovers work, not even Simon.
All we do together is make love or fight.
When I get there, he stops painting.
He wants to be with me.
That's his mistake.
A man is always posing with a woman.
He wants to shine, show off.
He's almost always ridiculous.
You amuse me.
You sound like you calculate every move.
In fact, you're the opposite.
You act purely on impulse.
I'm impulsive.
That's why I need principles.
I decide what I want in general.
For the rest, I follow my moods.
I wanted to lead a Bohemian life, and I did.
Now that's all over.
Anyway, you're like me.
Not at all.
My one principle, if I have one, is to be guided only by love.
And if you fell out of love?
Then I couldn't live with a man any more.
You got married.
Yes, for the sake of convenience, and to please my family.
It's neither a plus, nor a minus.
But I'd never marry just to get married.
You've thought of nothing else, since you were a babe in arms!
No, it's simply a concession to society.
It makes you feel more secure.
Maybe. 
In relation to others, but not with my husband.
Our bond stays both as weak, and as strong.
It's love, nothing else.
Love changes.
Its form maybe, not its intensity.
There's some will, even in love.
Do you realize, that what you're saying is insanely selfish!
Wisely selfish.
There's a big difference between us.
You fit perfectly in your milieu.
So you feel free as air, without realizing your freedom comes from being accepted.
That's totally wrong!
My ideas shock everyone.
For me, it's different, I have to leave my milieu.
I don't understand what you mean by milieu.
Anyway, we're more or less from the same milieu.
Not at all.
Your father's a doctor, mine's dead.
Your husband will be a doctor, like his father and yours.
I didn't plan it that way.
With Frederic, it was love at first sight.
I knew nothing about his background.
You could marry a doctor, an engineer, a lawyer, too.
You can seduce any man you want.
That's what I said.
I must escape my background by an act of will.
So far, all the men I've met were impossible.
The only one I could maybe, have lived with was the first one, Claude.
The teacher?
He teaches high-school now.
He sure lacks ambition.
Marry Simon! 
He's ambitious.
No, he's married.
Besides...
- Besides what?
Why him? 
There are others.
I'm sure you have someone in mind.
Not in the least.
Do you want to have dinner at my parents' tonight?
Not tonight.
I brought some books from Paris, I have to work.
To tell you the truth,
I like seeing you in the daytime when we're alone... but I'm not comfortable with your family.
And you want to find a new milieu!
The milieu of a man I'd love.
Your parents are OK, but your sister-in-law...
My sister-in-law to be!
- You must not like her.
She's OK.
Let's say I'd have preferred you.
But she and Nicolas are a great couple.
I can't see you with him.
You can say that again.
Anyway, I'll go to the reception, that's enough.
I hope I can make it.
No excuses, this time...
Saturdays, it's hard to get off before 4.
The reception's at 5.
You needn't go to the wedding.
Even if I could, weddings depress me.
I'll come at 6.
First, I'll go home and change.
It's not dressy.
Just as well for me, I'll stay 20 minutes at most.
Something's boiling over!
I turned if off.
What's that?
- A drawing.
No, a poster.
I'll show you when I've hung it up.
Before I forget, Clarisse would love you to come to the wedding.
You said you weren't going!
Not to the wedding, but I'll drop by the reception, at 6.
Come with me.
Where?
- To Nicolas' wedding.
I can't. 
I'm off for the weekend with Patrick.
I'll go to the church in your place, but that's all.
You're coming with me!
I don't know those people!
Excuses.
By sight, maybe, but I've never spoken to them.
That's no reason.
They're my friends, their daughter anyway.
Come for a minute, just to see the house. 
The view's fantastic!
I know the view.
It's what you see from the road.
You should get out, you're a hermit!
That suits me fine!
I see enough people.
Anyway, I've nothing to wear.
Your black dress.
It's nice of them to invite me, but they don't care if I come.
And since I don't want to...
OK. 
Don't say you weren't asked.
What will you wear?
I don't know.
My red dress!
Who's that girl...
talking to Edmond?
I don't know.
I've never seen him with a tall girl.
She's my cousin Pommier's wife.
He's over there, too.
She's a knockout!
Not at all Edmond's type!
But if it meets standards...
Excuse me...
My cousin Edmond, Sabine, my best friend.
She's a bit lost, would you look after her?
But your friends?
- They're not his friends!
Are they?
No, your sister-in-law's.
Then they're bores.
Get her some champagne!
You come too!
Edmond doesn't need 2 girls.
I'm old hat to him, he needs something new.
You make a great couple.
That's nonsense!
She loves to tease me.
Let's say I know your tastes.
But three's a crowd... 
I'll be off.
Two glasses of champagne, please.
Good reflexes!
Luckily!
I handle fragile things all day.
What do you do?
I'm getting a master's in art history, but for the moment, I'm in antiques.
Is it interesting?
Not what I do.
I work for someone.
Where? 
In Paris?
No, the old quarter of Le Mans.
I'm told it's a good place for antiques.
I'm not really a collector, but I'm looking for some Jersey porcelain.
Jersey porcelain...
it's hard to find.
It depends on what you want.
Shall we go outside?
I live just inside town, on the main road.
I love houses with views like this.
For that, you have to live in the country.
It's beautiful here.
We're on the old ramparts.
Edmond! 
You're wanted on the phone.
Excuse me.
Yes, speaking...
I see... 
That's too bad...
I have to go back, but my car's not here.
Hold on!
Going to town?
Can you drop me at the station?
Sure.
- I'll be right there.
I'll catch the first train.
I'm coming.
I have to go back.
Will you apologize for me?
I'd better run.
Did he leave?
No, he's on the phone.
It's strange, he's vanished.
Nicolas? 
Have you seen Edmond?
I forgot, he left.
He said to apologize.
Left?
- Apologize to Sabine, why didn't you?
No, he didn't mention names.
He got a phone call, since the Pommiers were leaving, they gave him a ride into town.
He's a lawyer, he's always busy.
We're cousins, but not that close.
At any rate, he's not married.
I only came for ten minutes, I'm leaving.
If you want, I can easily invite him another time.
No, don't bother.
See you Wednesday.
I'll see you out.
I'm sure you're interested in him.
We exchanged a few words!
He may be an interesting man, but there are lots of them!
I'm not so sure.
I'll tell you something I know, and you don't.
He's interested in you!
How would you know!
He told you so?
He didn't tell me... but I saw it in his eyes.
And I saw in yours that he interested you.
It was the first time I'd ever seen it, love at first sight.
It was like a lightning bolt.
You're crazy!
Something happened, admit it.
Let's say he appealed to me.
I don't know why.
He's not really my type.
But you're his.
How do you know?
He goes for delicate, graceful girls... like Tanagra figurines.
So that's why he collects porcelain.
No, he collects girls.
Well, not really.
To tell the truth,
I've only seen him with two women.
Both your type, and stunning.
If he likes me, he'll find a way to see me.
Don't kid yourself.
Like all dynamic men, he's casual about women.
It's easier for you to approach him, than vice versa.
Yes! 
He can only reach you through me.
He'd never do that.
He's too afraid I'd tease him.
It's easy for you to phone him.
I don't have his number.
222 13 40.
Edmond Sureau, attorney.
It's in the phone book.
I don't know who you think I am, I've never chased a man in my life.
Then I'll call him for you.
Certainly not!
If I call, I'll do it myself.
May I speak to Mr. Sureau?
It's Clarisse.
This isn't Clarisse, it's her friend, Sabine.
We met at Nicolas' wedding.
You're forgiven, I know you're a busy man.
I just wanted to tell you, about that Jersey porcelain...
I have a very good bargain.
You'd have to come see it.
Just outside Le Mans.
You're busy all week?
Saturday...?
Sunday...?
Your car's in the garage?
Take the train, I'll pick you up!
OK, I'll meet the 10:16 train.
See you Sunday.
The chateau's there.
I'm not a collector, it's a present for my mother.
One day, she broke a very pretty vase.
A unique piece.
It wasn't my fault, but I'm looking for something to console her.
This is Mr. Sureau, Dr. Bachelet's cousin.
Sureau, you say?
The Sureau family from Le Mans?
Louis' son?
No, Paul's.
I'm not as friendly with that branch. 
How are they?
Very pretty!
It's Jersey, 19th century.
Souvenirs from the island?
Gifts my grandmothers received.
We considered it junk.
I don't agree...
The bad taste of the period.
Bad taste will always be bad taste.
Then I have bad taste.
It's just what I wanted.
Really?
How much is it?
What I'd told Mrs. Cadot, 1600 francs.
It's much too much.
I won't take less.
You yourself said it was junk.
To me, it is.
My taste isn't important, yours is.
If you want to bargain, my dear, go to a thrift shop.
That's a retail price, I brought you the client.
Is it you who's buying... or the gentleman?
I am. 
But she brought me here, so naturally she...
Will you take 1500?
All right.
Bargaining isn't my forte.
Nor yours, I presume?
Nor mine.
I'm doing it for you.
So you're Louis' son?
No, Paul's.
Ah yes. 
Paul's.
I lost track of him.
But I see the other branch a lot.
What do I owe you?
Not a thing.
You haven't made a cent!
I'm not a businesswoman.
You said you had a store.
I only work there.
What will the owner say?
It's none of her business.
She was waiting for the price to drop. 
Too bad!
She may not like it.
I won't work there forever.
What we need now is a restaurant.
Hungry?
Frankly, yes.
I don't have a weight problem.
Whether I eat or not, I stay the same.
Are you a good cook?
Not bad.
I'd have invited to my house, but there's family visiting.
I don't want to keep you from your family.
You did me a favour.
My mother and sister are OK, but the others...
I can't say they bore me, but I have nothing in common with them.
I hate everything they love, and vice versa.
Order for me.
I don't know what you like.
Everything! 
As long as it's good.
I like everyone to eat the same thing.
In a home, you don't order à la carte!
I prefer that too.
So, you choose.
Let's have...
Shish kebab?
Fine.
- Do you drink wine?
On special occasions.
Let's say this is one.
Red or white?
Red.
Me too.
Really?
Really.
I never agree out of politeness.
I tend to argue.
I'm more flexible, a lawyer's training.
You mean you can defend any cause?
Not any cause, but any person.
I give my clients the benefit of the doubt, or they wouldn't confide in me.
I see, you're just trying to make me talk!
You've read too many detective stories.
I was only joking.
You may be a good lawyer, but I'll never be a good salesgirl.
When people want to buy things, I try to discourage them.
You didn't do that with me.
It wasn't a business deal.
I loathe everything about business.
I don't know what I'll do, but if I do anything in life... the word's pretentious, I know... but it'll be "creative".
Not trading, exchanging or distributing.
Creating.
Even if, only a baby.
Some day I'll have a baby.
Whatever I do, it won't be... just to make money.
If I make some, so much the better.
In business, money's everything.
You don't sell for the joy of it, only for money.
I have to enjoy what I do.
You have an artistic temperament.
Maybe.
A temperament...
I'm not really an artist.
I couldn't paint like Clarisse.
I'm more of a tinkerer.
I like to fix lamps and make things,
I like antiques.
I'm full of ideas.
Maybe I'm dreaming...
It's a very modest dream.
Too modest?
You can be as much of an artist being a good tinkerer as a bad painter.
You're laughing?
I don't mean Clarisse.
I love her work.
So do I.
I keep on saying, "So do I"!
No, I was thinking of a friend, a painter...
Not a bad one, at that.
I lived with him.
I couldn't live with an artist, it's stifling.
I'd rather be in the same situation as Clarisse, with a husband whose work is his life.
They're a good couple.
Just modern enough.
Don't you think?
They're very nice.
Clarisse is my cousin, but I don't see her that much.
You're not from here?
My parents lived in the colonies.
My father who was in the army, died a few years ago.
My mother settled here.
She didn't want to live in a big city.
She got a job in a bank.
My sister's finishing high school.
So, you're waiting for him to call?
Of course.
If I just wanted to sleep with him, or have an affair,
I'd act differently.
I feel I can seduce any man I want to, and hold on to him.
But that's not enough.
I want him to want to marry me.
Men just don't think that way these days.
Or only after they've been with someone for a long time.
At first, Frederic and I never gave marriage a thought.
But you were younger.
I know what I'm doing.
I want him to think of it and he will.
Don't you have anything to say?
About what?
Sunday.
Don't you see what I mean?
Sunday is Sunday.
I went out with friends.
I can do what I want.
Not business with my customers.
It wasn't business.
A favour for a friend.
With my customer.
Then she shouldn't have sold.
You tricked her!
She called me.
She regretted it later.
I did not trick her.
You wouldn't buy it.
She can do what she wants.
The first stage of treatment is to draw all the blood from your body.
Purify and filter it, and replace it one again.
I predict we should see some immediate improvement.
It's necessary for us to work while you are fully conscious.
And so they backed through there maybe some discomfort.
(screaming in pain)
(suspense instrumental music)
You are Radu's pretty one.
No, no!
No!
No!
(suspense instrumental music)
All signs are stable.
Excellent.
Tell me.
She has survived the first tribulation.
How do you feel, Michelle?
I feel peaceful.
This is a good sign.
But don't be surprised if the benefit is temporary.
I am Radu Vladislas.
This is a private route.
What is your business here?
I demand an audience with the master of this house.
Doctor, there is a man outside insistent to speak with you.
His name is Radu Vladislas.
He's come for me!
Niculescu: 
Please!
Try to remain calm.
There is no way he can enter here.
Lupu, the sedative.
(anxious instrumental music)
I am obligated to speak with him.
(trembling instrumental music)
Radu Vladislas.
I'm Doctor Ion Niculescu.
You hold my child against her will?
She's in pain and cries for my protection.
Let me cross your threshold.
No, Vladislas.
You are not welcome here.
Release here to me and I should leave in peace.
Deny me and I will lay your souls to waste.
She begged for sanctuary.
She wish she is to be mortal again.
She wishes for the impossible.
She belongs to me.
No!
She's in my care now.
Leave her alone or I'll call the police!
Challenge me at your own peril.
Like the lighting.
Such diversions.
I'll be siege you.
Open your gate to me!
Do you possess the Bloodstone?
The Bloodstone is my birth right.
Who came before you?
Ash, the music lover.
I am before Ash.
Please, Vladislas.
Let me see it.
Give me a few drops of its essence in the name of science.
I have lived a thousand years.
Witnessed the progress of man.
I have a weak spot in my heart for the sciences.
Open your gate and I will give you three drops.
But I warn you, Doctor, the mysteries of the Bloodstone cannot be illuminated by science.
(suspense instrumental music)
Anna: 
No!
No, Ion!
Are you crazy?
You promised to protect us!
No! 
Please, no!
Don't do this! 
Ion!
No, Ion! 
Please!
Don't let him! 
No, Ion!
(vibrant instrumental music)
Master!
(vibrant instrumental music)
You are powerless before me!
Get down on your knees!
Give me the Bloodstone!
The Bloodstone now!
You won't return a daylight for this!
(overcome instrumental music)
Set me free!
My master needs me!
The sedative! 
Quickly!
(tense instrumental music)
(scream)
Stay away from me!
(anxious instrumental music)
I'm sorry to give you such a shock, but it was necessary to dissect him for the trap.
Will he die like this?
The stake is the first step.
The vampire cannot move.
Next we have two choices:
cut off his head, which should be too merciful for Radu.
Or leave it to agonize until the Sun comes up and renders it to dust.
Michelle: 
Master!
No!
Michelle, go back inside!
I beg you to destroy me.
No, Michelle!
You are free of him.
Vadislas is dying.
No!
(overcome instrumental music)
Radu: 
Michelle.
My blood runs within you.
What's beat us one.
Stand away!
Do not touch him!
Michelle, get away from him!
Save me and I'll allow to set you free.
(tense instrumental music)
Now, prove yourself fledgling.
Let there be a bloodbath.
I saved you life, Radu.
I've earned my freedom.
You will pay forthis in suffering.
(menacing instrumental music)
(foreign language)
You wish to destroy Radu Vladislas.
Who are you?
A kindred spirit.
Done to ravage.
I will tell you where he sleeps if you promise to destroy him before this day is done.
Where does he sleep?
Tell us.
Not you.
You must destroy him.
Me? 
Why?
Because you wish the save the life of Radu's fledgling.
They sleep in Belus Cemetary, but two of Vladislas.
From the year of 1875.
Here is the key.
The sarcophagus takes you underground to the ancient city.
Go south, down seven staircases.
There you will find Radu's resting place.
You are one pretty one.
You have the passion to prevail.
Surprise him while he sleeps.
Drive a stake through his heart.
Cut off his head.
Take it back the way you came.
Do not hesitate or explore the elaborately.
Go quickly to the sunlight and render Radu's head to dust.
(mysterious instrumental music)
(foreign language)
(tense instrumental music)
Buy yourself a new one.
(bell rings)
(bell rings)
(religious piano music)
(foreign language)
(menacing instrumental music)
(foreign language)
(menacing instrumental music)
(foreign language)
(frightening instrumental music)
Michelle?
I can save you from this torment if you come to me of your own free will.
Never.
Will we share my sanctuary?
The sacred mysteries?
Drink of the Bloodstone.
I'm your master, you cannot deny me!
Stefan was my master.
Stefan infected you with his tragic weakness.
His love for mortals.
But Stefan was much more, and he's dust!
So you are mine!
(trembling instrumental music)
(suspense instrumental music)
Your powers have reborn.
But your weakness threatens to destroy you.
Michelle,
I know your despair.
Surrender your ties to mortality and all your pain will disappear.
(tense instrumental music)
Tomorrow, master, when the Sun is high, Vladislas will be dust.
You are a never ending source of joy to me, Serena.
How will the deed be done?
I found a mortal with the will to destroy him.
You conspired with a mortal?
I gave her the key to Vladislas tomb.
You endangered us, Serena.
Fear not, master.
I sabotaged the mechanism.
The key works from the outside but it's broken from within.
She will destroy Vladislas for us and be trapped in the labyrinth.
And when the Sunsets we can ravish her and seize the Bloodstone.
I am diabolical.
Aren't I , master?
Serena, you are sublime.
There is ones mall complication, master.
Complication?
She's in league with Doctor Blood.
Today?
No, of the Bloodstone?
Yes, Doctor Blood tried to steal it from Radu.
But tell me master, if the Doctor is descended from our bloodline, how is it he can stand in the light and touch holy water with his bare hands?
He spawned from our blood, Serena.
But he's altered himself with science.
Ash, my child.
Master.
Henceforth I claim all the profits from your well-being and surprises.
But master!
I've netted to the holdings for a hundred years.
I have earned your generosity.
I generously give you until full moon to evacuate my stronghold.
You and your fledglings must find a new sanctuary.
(tense instrumental music)
The blade of Laertes.
The vampire slayer is mine.
(tense instrumental music)
Radu: 
You stole it from me, Ash.
And then black played.
You cannot force me, Radu.
You are not my master.
You amuse me,
Serena.
You know my stay.
(anxious instrumental music)
Your ravage is yielding, fledgling.
I can see the darkening in your eyes.
You're memories of mortality will fade like a sweet dream.
Your mind forever more.
(anxious instrumental music)
Niculescu: 
We should rest until daylight.
You have a difficult task ahead.
Thank you for helping me, Ion.
You don't have to thank me.
(echoing) You drugged me.
(glass breaking)
(frenetic instrumental music)
(moves to slowed suspense instrumental music)
(echoing footsteps)
(moves to trembling instrumental music)
Anna!
Help! 
Help! 
Someone!
Help me! 
Help me, please!
- Stop it, Anna!
- Help me!
Anna, stop it!
Anna!
- Please, listen.
- No!
You're a vampire.
I'm not a vampire, I'm human too.
You must listen to Ion.
Please, listen to me.
I didn't choose to be a vampire.
It was forced upon me.
You're a murderer!
No, I drink only to sustain my life.
The woman you saw is a willing partner.
Please, believe me!
I curses this fate!
Each day I pray to God to make me mortal again.
To be feel the warmth of the sand upon my face.
To let me survive one night without the urge for blood.
Radu must be destroyed, Anna.
By a mortal saint.
Why me?
Why not Lupu?
He's a mortal too.
I'm a mere surgeon, not a vampire hunter.
Trust me, Anna.
I promise to help you.
(hopeful instrumental music)
Where is the body bag?
I have it here.
If we are lucky, I can find Radu's resting place.
It may be necessary to kill her too if she is too deep in Radu's control to be saved.
No.
With the Bloodstone she has a chance.
We must find a way for both of you to sharing its benefits.
Thank you, Anna.
Bullets are powerless against a vampire.
Even so, the mere sense of security is better than no security at all.
(suspense instrumental music)
Niculescu: 
Dammit!
We don't have time for this.
(foreign language)
Show me respect for the dead.
I'm one of the dead people, so don't tell me what to do.
It's afternoon already.
Isn't there another way in?
This is the only way.
(suspense instrumental music)
Look for a tomb inscribed Vladislas, 1875.
Anna, go that way.
I'll search back here.
Lupu, behind the church.
We rendezvous here in one hour, yes?
Anna: 
Okay.
(suspense instrumental music)
Ion!
Ion!
Ion, I found it!
Good.
Let's go to work.
(uneasy instrumental music)
You keep the key.
Open the door when you hear us calling.
Don't worry.
I'll be waiting.
If we are not out at nightfall, send for the police.
(suspense instrumental music)
One hour and 30 minutes until sunset.
You are frightened, yes?
Yes.
(suspense instrumental music)
What is this place?
The ancient city beneath the city.
(suspense instrumental music)
Anna: 
We must be 300 feet down.
Niculescu: 
I think we are almost there.
(suspense instrumental music)
Ah!
You'll make a pretty plaything.
Ah!
(Radu screaming)
(trembling instrumental music)
Michelle!
(trembling instrumental music)
She's yours, Vladislas.
I brought her for you as a gesture of good will.
Ah!
No!
That's right! 
Struggle!
Fear me, child!
Fear is such a really neat to do to the blood.
Oh, Doctor.
You want a tasteof the Bloodstone?
(increasingly suspense instrumental music)
Ah!
(owl hooting)
(foreign language)
(crickets chirping)
Anna: 
Lupu!
Help me, Lupu!
(tense instrumental music)
Why are you here?
Alone at night?
I'm praying for the departed.
For a lost one.
Don't lie to me, mortal.
The key in your hand belongs to me.
No!
Ah!
(anxious instrumental music)
Anna: 
Lupu! 
Doctor Lupu!
Doctor Lupu, Doctor Lupu!
Please, help! 
Please, open the door!
Ah!
Can't you just save me?
(frightening instrumental music)
What do you want from me?
Your life blood.
This thing which allows us to impulse of my fledglings' humanity.
Anna: 
No!
Michelle!
(suspense instrumental music)
Surrender child!
And I'll have mercy, chance be in your life will be an ever lasting torment.
Michelle, help me please!
Reach out with senses, fledgling.
Reveling the perfume of fear.
No, please!
Radu: 
Drink, fledgling.
Pour your sadness in a whispering of blood.
Michelle, please!
Drink, fledgling!
Or I'll ravage her myself and multiply your nightmares a thousand forth.
Michelle.
No!
This is a moment of weakness you will never forget.
Anna: 
No! 
No!
No! 
No!
(trembling instrumental music)
(mumbling, gagging)
(screaming in pain)
(vibrant instrumental music)
You can't destroy me.
(iron hitting)
(tense instrumental music)
It will be dawn soon.
Take his head out into the sunlight.
You are coming with me, Michelle.
He's got the Bloodstone.
You're going to be alright now.
(flames burning)
I curse you, Vladislas.
(tense instrumental music)
Come on, Michelle.
We have to hurry!
I can't.
The sun is rising.
You have to keep moving, Michelle.
We have to get you out of here.
(tense instrumental music)
Michelle: 
No, please don't.
I can't go on.
No!
We are almost there.
(tense instrumental music)
Doctor Lupu! 
Doctor Lupu open the door, please!
Your friend,the doctor, is dead.
(tense instrumental music)
Where is the Bloodstone?
Help! 
Someone help me!
She's a pretty one, master.
The fear is a rare perfume.
Ah! 
Ah!
Help! 
Someone help me!
Help!
Ah!
(vibrant instrumental music)
(Gravekeeper and Anna screaming at the same type)
Don't move, Michelle!
(foreign language)
(resolution instrumental music)
Michelle: 
At last, I was in peace.
In time, the Bloodstone yielded its mysteries to me.
Radu Valdislas was returned to dust.
(mysterious instrumental music)

Distinguished Flying Cross.
Air force, right?
I believe it was my father's.
His name up here?
I don't know what war he served in. 
Never knew him.
All these names¡­
I wonder how many never had the chance to know their sons and daughters?
Too many.
Well, at least you know your old man had too been a hero in Vietnam.
cherish him, and his memory.
Excuse me, did you know my father?
There her again!
You have seen Mark Clements, Bravo company?
Do you know her?
Oh, she has been coming here for ten years trying to get her father's name on the wall.
... in seventy-one or seventy-two?
- Army rangers?
- I'm sorry. 
I ...
Well, if her father died in the war, shouldn't his name be on the wall?
Only heroes that will be here.
Madam, you have been warned about doing this.
I'm sorry you'll have to come with us.
Oh, O... 
Ok, Wait! 
Please!
See, this is not even fair. 
My father's name belongs up there.
It belongs on the wall.
- I'm sorry.
- Ok.
There are pretends among us. 
Genuises with the ability to become anyone they want to be.
In 1963, a corporation known as the Centre isolated a young Pretender named Jarod, and exploited his genius for their research.
Then one day, the pretender ran away...
THE PRETENDER Season 2 Episode 7 Collateral Damage
YTET PRESENTS
DICTATION: ±¿±¿/´Ð´Ð
Tonight on "Battle Zone"
a tragic story of a treason and a betrayal in Vietnam, reported by Jordan Brock.
Toe Popper, a clock will turn by pressure-activated land mines.
You step on one, you will hear a CLICK.
You step off, and it's the last sound you'll ever hear.
Army intelligent's just reeling from the discovery that Private First Class Mark Clements was selling classified information to the Viet Cong.
It was on this butt, on top one of these mines, that Private Clements dark ... treason came to an end.
With discovery of top secret documents on his body,
Clements' platoon leader, Lieutenant Prentiss McLaren was a witness.
Mark Clements was like a brother.
I would lay down my life for him.
Then you find out he's a traitor.
What makes the man cross that line? 
I don't know.
He let everyone down.
Come here!
This is one of the local kid ... as a unit mascot.
He lives on the base. 
He saw the all.
Mark meet with Viet Cong.
I hear CLICK.
I hear explosion.
Mark was my friend.
I watch Mark dying.
This is Jordan Brock reporting.
Keep your eyes open, people! 
Anybody see them?
It's up there somewhere.
Keep moving!
Keep moving!
I had moved in this tree line!
Padia? 
Tree line.
I've got him.
Where are you?
Damn.
Where the hell are you?
I believe you dropped this, sir.
How did I drop and where did you learn the camouflage so well?
I had a lot of practice in ... , sir.
Fantastic!
watch the whole thing on the ... 
Those helmet cameras,
- What do you call them?
- Tactical Aniscopic Cameras. 
TACs.
What they are going to do for you which CNN did for Desert Storm.
Give us all the taste what it's like to be Rambo.
- Ram who?
- Cute!
And if the multiple TACs can document in a real incursion,
Capitole here will be bent over backwards to find you missions get in the clearing.
That's the idea.
I need some comparative analyses and figures for Congressman Stanfield who've got to borrow in the property of the RD funds
Well done!
You are a ... whistle.
Lieutenant Jarod Patton.
Master Sergent Rob Hancock, Staff Sergeant Elizabeth Padia.
Watch out for her. 
She looks nice. 
But she bites like a pit-ball.
And lieutenant, welcome to operation "Dust-off".
A joint mission with the Colombian military to infiltrate and destroy narcotics processing factories.
... cover the major shipping of coke ... on a ... factory in Cartagena
- owned by ...
- Esteban Largo.
You are all on alert so wear you pagers 24-7.
- Dad?
- Yeah.
- Am I supposed to be here?
- Oh, sure.
We are going to have great fun.
Look, here.
Come on, you sit down.
Right here.
You have Barbie. 
That's fun, huh?
You can color. 
So all you have to do is just sit here and be really really quiet until it's time to go home.
And then, we'll have great fun.
Broots.
Ah. 
Or not.
Did I miss the memo on daycare?
The sitter has got the German Measles. 
Debbie's godmother is on a particular treat. 
I had no other choice.
It's called the Yellow Pages.
in for baby-sitter.
I would never leave my daughter alone to someone that I don't know.
I'm sorry.
but she's staying here with me.
That's ok with you.
Just make sure that miss murphy stays out of my way.
Broots.
Ah, Mr. Raines.
Yes, sir.
I love Miami.
Ok.
Right away.
Jarod has penetrated the data base of the Miami office.
Mr. Raines wants me to go down there and do a immediate mainframe inventory.
Sydney.
Could you help me out with Debbie?
Sorry, Broots. 
But I am supervising three sets of twins ...
Do not even think of about it.
Oh, come on. 
It is a day, maybe two days tops.
I don't do mummy.
No, I know Miss Parker. 
It might help you process on resolving child issues.
Never end with you dessert!
You owe me big.
I ... 
I owe you huge!
Thank you. 
Thank you.
Jell-O?
- And it is a dessert?
- Like you ... a lot in school, remember!
Actually my food was brought to me.
You did feed yourself, didn't you?
For the most part.
Oh, if the gelatine is soft, the pineapple chunks into the bottom.
But if it is too hard, they'll just lie there on top.
My guess will be have to wait for the proper viscosity to actually add the chunk.
- Is that the captain?
- Yeah.
That's him battled in Vietnam. 
His glory days.
You know what I miss the most about that war?
My hair.
Bravo Company.
(Who Nhon.)
Do you still keep in touch with the men?
One that still alive: 
Barney Stanfield.
Congressman Stanfield.
I used to bark a little ground around and now he's in charge of my appropriations!
If you don't mind, I took it deliberately writing down the comparative analysis report of the TAC systems that Congressman Stanfield may have requested.
I compared four Japanese manufacturers with two Minnesota based companies.
Conclusions?
Buy American.
Padia! 
Bring this up to Capital ...
If you don't mind, captain?
I would like to take this to the Congressman myself.
I've never been that close to the real seed of power.
Just so we understant each other.
These are the house rules. 
No running, no playing.
No feet on the furniture.
And no noise, which includes both crying and whining.
Be invisible, we will get along just fine.
Your clothes is so pretty.
And no touching my stuff, especially my clothes.
What?
Hold on, Sydney.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing!
I told you to stay out of my things and I mean it.
Congressman Stanfield, I have the technical report from captain McClaren.
- How is this veteran?
- Still bald sir!
I like this guy.
I am...
Congressman Leon Beckwith, eleven district Louisiana.
You chaired the Vietnam memorial walls up committed that Congressman Stanfield sits on.
- You are registered to vote or some?
- No, Sir.
But I did help manipulated in Nixon lands line in 1972.
I really like you guy.
- Nice meeting you.
- You as well, sir.
May I help you to appreciate a good cigar?
Yes, sir!
- Santiago Caribe.
- Private reserve.
You got to know somebody to get to hold one of these.
Sir, Denise Clements is here again. 
Shall I call security?
Ah, no, no, no. 
Ah, send her in.
Is there a problem?
A tragedy!
And it won't go away, I'm afraid. 
Please, stay.
Sorry to show up without an appointment.
I have two daughters of myself, Denise.
I only hope that they love me half as much as you do your father.
Please sit down.
Congressman, I talked to a Corporal Ethington from a hundred and eighty-fifth who knew a man named Duke.
As you know, My father wrote a letter about a GI named Duke, who was helping him to catch the traitor, not act this one.
So if it is the same Duke, I believehe he can help me clean my father's name.
Miss Clements, we've talked about this letter many times.
But it's circumstantial evidence regardless of what this Duke person has to say.
If you can bring him into the next-stop committee meeting,
I'll see to what you heard.
Thank you.
Her father served with you in Bravo Company?
Yes.
Mark Clements was the last man you would find who turned out to be a traitor.
She just won't let go what she wants to believe.
Someone once said that old soldiers never die.
They simply fade away.
But I don't think that the same can be said about the memory.
I think it grows stronger.
Who are you?
Someone who doesn't believe that your father was a traitor.
My name is Jarod.
This must be very difficult for you.
It's all that I've ever known.
Wasn't until after I buried my mother, that I realised, how important it was to get his name up there.
If I give up, there's just got the saying he's guilty, and I know he wasn't.
This is the last letter my father wrote home, back in seventy-two.
' ' Duke found out one of our guys' selling secrets to Charlie.
If I find out who, God help him."
So you think the real traitor discovered that your father was on to him, framed him.
No one believes me.
I believe you.
I want you to tell me what's wrong with each of these pictures.
The chimney is missing there. 
The door is upside down there.
The bench is missing at post there. 
And, the address numbers are inverted there.
Look closely, Jarod.
The sun shadow of the wood stack,
It's mis-directed at all and I missed it.
Most people would, Jarod,
Their eyes can only see the obvious.
But to maximize your gift, your eyes must see everything.
Mark was my friend.
I watch Mark dying.
Mark dying.
I watch Mark dying.
Le Xuan Duc, Duke.
Hello, Duke.
Broots, what do you mean it's going to take longer than you thought?
Well, I'm trying...
Do you mind?
- How's Debbie?
- She's fine.
See, it's me that you should be worried about.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
Mama, show me how to break my hair.
Did you get it?
We will open it after school, okay?
You have very pretty hair.
- Would you break mine like that?
I have things to do.
How did you get to be so mean?
I was born that way.
No, you weren't.
You wanna be rich? 
Of course you do!
And I am here to show you how to get rich quick.
With my new video, see this, how to get rich quick!
My name Lenny Duke.
I come to your country in tiny boat.
and now I own big boat!
American dream, number one!
End, cut it! 
Perfect, Lenny.
Let's lunch!
You know, I've got a table reserved over the woodbeach club. 
If you get to join me?
I don't think so.
Excuse me.
Mr. Duke? 
I am a really big fan of your work.
Um, 89.95 plus what brings you here. they'll put you on the road to the American Dream.
What a dream it is!
A young Vietnamese boy emigrating to American with nothing and building this empire.
Hey, as a matter of fact, you remind me this little boy I saw on this old news report.
About this GI and Vietnam.
who died as the legend traitor.
What was his name?
Oh, yes. 
Mark Clements?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Return to base.
Oh, sorry to bother you.
Have a nice day.
Operation " Dust-Off". 
You are two hours from your Colombian target. 
Good luck.
They have no idea we are in here.
Well, they are about to find out.
"Dust Off Tac"
Esteban Largo had to be furious of your handy work. 
Well done, Lieutenant.
I am proud to be involved, sir.
Hope again you can appreciate the fine cigars?
It is Santiago Caribe.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
About to show me on TV.
He's never giving me one of these special cigars, and I like cigars.
- What are you doing?
- Do you notice anything?
C-4 has a hell over kick!
There wasn't enough debris.
There was nothing inside that factory.
There's drums , burned powder, lab equipment.
Yes.
But enough to process a hundred tons of coke paste?
What are you saying?
That's somebody tipped off Esteban Largo that we are coming.
He moves everything out, and leaves just enough evidence behind, so we think we make a big hit.
Who would do that?
With the destruction of this cocaine factory, another battle has been won in the war agaisnt drugs.
This is Captain McClaren, master man of the operation "Dust-off".
Santiago Caribe.
Private reserve.
You have to know somebody who gets the hold of these.
"Search For: 
Santiago Caribe Cigars"
"Search Results: 
Importacion Cartegena, S.A."
"Primary Stock Holders"
"Search For: 
Importacion Cartegena, S.A.; 
Primary Stock Holders"
"Name: 
Esteban Largo"
Wow.
I guess he really do know somebody.
Alright, let's move this along. 
Next!
Private First Class Mark S. Clements.
As you've said, ... you have new line to share on this matter?
Yes, I do.
A corporal in the one hundred and eighty-fifth division ...
Sorry, Miss. 
You said?
It's about Duke, the man refers to my father's letter ...
This Duke, is he here to testify?
I wasn't able to find him, sir.
But my father was not a traitor.
If you would please listen?
Miss Clements, have you had the new line to share on this matter?
No, sir. 
But as I was saying if you can just give me a little bit more time ...
I'm sorry.
But you haven't let me explain!
Pushing!
Why won't you people listen to me?
Miss Clements. 
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but to be perfectly blunt, your father's name will never go up on that wall.
Now, please. 
We have other matters to address.
You are giving up?
I am facing the facts.
Maybe I cannot find Duke because there is no Duke.
And maybe there isn't I cannot find any evidence on my father's defence.
because it doesn't exist..
And maybe it doesn't exist because my father was ...
When I was little,
I was taken from my family.
I do not know who they are.
Who my father is.
All I have is this.
It's the only connection that I have to him.
But I will never give up searching for him, for my family.
Do not give up on your family.
I do not have the strength to do this alone any more.
You are not alone.
I have been awake for over 90 hours.
Yeah, in the same room with you, that is a record.
Sydney, you got to help me out with this kid take off my hands.
Have a sim or something, I don't care.
- She's only a child.
- She doesn't listen!
She's always in my things.
I can't even take a step without a nipping at my heel.
She's like a chihuahua!
She says about her finding of your mother's gift.
Broots called.
He feels very concerned about his daughter's wellbeing.
Well,it's time he started showing a little concern about mine.
She do like in annoying me.
Debbie is not trying to annoy you, she's trying to be like you.
She unconsciously senses that you both share a similarity of maternal abandonment.
Are you incapable of having a normal conversation?
It is her adaptive coping mechanism.
She senses how you came through it.
And it gives her hope that she too some day might come through it.
which is why you need to let this relationship flourish.
You know it would be really nice if once you can take my side on something.
It's not about sides, Parker. 
It's about the best interest of the child.
By projecting your anger on little Debbie, you've displaced the anger with yourself as a little girl.
And why am I so angry about Dr. Spock?
It's that you feel responsible for your mother's death.
Leave me alone! 
Mum.
"Barney Stanfield Account Records"
"Prentiss McLaren Account Records"
Oh, remember, this is only infomercials
You want to be rich, you want big house, fast car?
Beautiful girls?
Of course you do!
I watch Mark dying.
Mark was my friend.
- My ...
- What the hell is going on?
I watch my friend dying. 
Mark was my friend. 
I watch ... my friend dying.
- Technical difficulties.
- Who the hell are you?
Someone who wants to know the truth.
Why did you corroborated the story?
- Did McClaren threaten to kill you or your family?
- you don't know what you're talking about.
I know ... 
Stanfield tipping off the drug lord about the raids and exchange for cash.
I figure if they are doing it now, they were doing it back then.
- You don't know what you asking me to do.
- I understand why you lied for him.
You were just a little boy.
McClaren offers you freedom from the ... of the war.
You back his story on national TV, and he puts you and your family on a boat to the states.
It was ... a plane.
What?
McClaren helped my family escaped on a plane.
and I only said it's a boat on commercial for dramatic fact.
The war ended for you.
Help me end it for Denise Clements.
I was cleaning McClaren's tent.
and I saw some documents marked classified.
I knew something wasn't right so I told Mark.
He said he had to catch McClaren at the act of passing the documents to the enemy before he could accuse him for treason.
So that night, we followed McClaren into a clearing.
- It's north of the camp ...
- But it was a set-up.
McClaren knew that Clements was on to him and wanted him to follow.
Because he had put land mines up there.
Clements hear the CLICK when he step on the Toe Popper?
Yes, I hear the CLICK.
But it wasn't mark step on the mine.
You?
Mark transferred his weight on the pressure fuse so I could move off.
- He took your place on the mine.
- That's when McClaren stepped out of the jungle.
He knew that Clements would never step off that mine.
So he shot him.
But he didn't die right away.
McClaren watched him bleeding to death.
And planted the classified documents on him, made Clements like a traitor.
I can still hear the CLICK.
I feel the heat of the explosion.
You think the war is over?
It will never be over for me.
Excuse me, sir.
This just arrived from Congressman Stanfield's office.
"Cover Blown Meet Me On Training Course ASAP"
Is everything alright, sir?
Ah.
Is everything alright, sir?
Ah.
Yeah, everything's fine.
I'm sorry. 
I can come back later.
No, come in.
Are you sure?
Sit here.
Just do something with your hair, ok?
I am sorry that I got angry before.
It's just ...
That present was giving to me by my mother and ... no one has touched but me for a very very long time.
Why haven't you opened it?
I am not sure.
I wanted to do it about a thousand times.
But ... it was so perfect ...
The paper that she used and the way she tied the ribbon, it's very much of my mother.
Your mummy died, didn't she?
Yes.
The day she gave me that present.
I would not have opened it either.
Why?
Because if you did, there will never be anything else for your mummy to give you.
I think it's time.
My mother loved this book.
She wanted to read it with me.
Little women.
What's it about?
A little girl named of Jo.
Is she happy?
Let's find out.
"Chapter One: 
Playing Pilgrims"
"'Christmas won't be Christmas without any present,' Grumbled Jo lying on the rug."
"'So dreadful to be poor,' sighed Meg, looking ... down at her dress."
"'I don't think it's fair for some girls have plenty of pretty things and other girls have nothing at all.' Added little Amy with angel snuff."
"'We've got father and mother and each other.' Said Beth contently by the conner."
"The four young faces ... "
"Jo says sadly:
"We haven't got father
"and shall not have him for a long time
"She didn't say perhaps never
"but each silently added thinking of father far away where the fighting was ..."
Barney?
Barney, where the hell are you?
Oh.
That's not a good sound.
Jarod, Oh, thank God! 
Am I glad to see you.
You don't look so good, captain?
I am standing on a land mine!
I'd better go and get someone who can disarm it.
How long can you stand there?
As long as it takes.
Well, I guess anyone could if they knew what would happen after they step off it.
That must have been why you had shot Mark Clements after one that he was standing on.
And that's why I'm going to have to shoot you.
What the hell is going on here?
What really happened in Qi Nhon, captain?
If I were you, I would talk to me.
Or the next bullet might not be a blink.
Army in tower suspected a traitor on here.
So you killed Clements and then you framed him.
And tell head men you and Stanfield, you are in the clear.
We did what we had to do.
You'd got a business to run, selling secrets to the highest bidder.
Tell me something, captain.
Is greed so addictive that you can kill an innocent man?
You couldn't just kill him.
You had to destroy him.
You stripped him of his honor.
And you left his little girl another war to fight.
It's your word against mine.
Nobody doubted me before, you really think anybody is going to doubt me now?
Thanks to this helmet camera, it is not just my words. 
It's yours too.
Game up. 
Lieutenant, you disarm this mine, now!
I am your commanding officer!
Not technically. 
You see, I am not really in the army.
But if it makes you feel any better,
I won't shoot you in the leg like you shot Clements.
I will aim ... higher.
No.
No.
Do not wet your pants, sir.
It's jell-o. 
It's a dessert.
Yummy.
Hello.
What happened to you?
Well.
We went shopping.
Do you have a problem with that?
Honey?
Where did you get all these stuff? 
Moving Miss Parker, her business.
She is a good kid.
Always take care of her.
Or I will hunt you down and kill you?
Understand?
I ... 
I think so.
You read it all. 
Promise?
I promise.
Come on, kiddo.
"Collateral Damage" End
Dictation: ±¿±¿/´Ð´Ð
YTET PRESENTS

Distinguished Flying Cross.
Air Force, right?
I believe it was my father's.
His name up here?
I don't know what war he served in.
I never knew him.
All these names.
I wonder how many never had the chance to know their sons and daughters.
Too many.
Well, at least you know your old man had to have been a hero... to earn that.
Cherish it and his memory.
[Woman] Excuse me.
Did you know my father?
- Not her again.
- Did you know my father?
P.F.C. Mark Clements.
Bravo Company.
Do you know her?
Uh, she's been coming here for 10 years, trying to get her father's name on the wall.
Stationed in Qui Nhon, '71 and '72?
- Army Rangers.
- I'm sorry.
Well, if her father died in the war, shouldn't his name be on the wall?
Only heroes go up here.
Ma'am, you've been warned about doing this.
- You're gonna have to come with us now.
- Okay. 
Wait! 
Please.
See, this is not even fair.
My father's name belongs up there.
- He belongs on the wall.
- I'm sorry.
Okay!
[Man Narrating] There are Pretenders among us.
[Jarod] I was taken from my family.
Thirty-six hours and he's already demonstrating more talent than any of our others.
How many people died because of what I thought up?
Since I broke out, I've spent every moment searching for my past.
[Miss Parker] He's a Pretender-
A genius who can become anyone that he wants to be.
- The Centre wants him alive.
- Preferably.
[Miss Parker] He defends the weak and abused.
Life's a gift.
- You a doctor?
- I am today.
[Man] Tonight on Battle Zone... a tragic story of treason and betrayal in Vietnam.
With the report, Jordan Brock.
Toe poppers- a colloquial term for pressure-activated land mines.
- You step on one, you hear a click.
- [Clicks]
You step off, and it's the last sound you'll ever hear.
Army Intelligence is reeling from the discovery... that Private First Class Mark Clements... was selling classified information to the Vietcong.
It was on this spot, atop one of these mines... that Private Clements's dark tale of treason came to an end... with the discovery of top-secret documents on his body.
Clements's platoon leader, Lieutenant Prentiss McClaren, was a witness.
Mark Clements was like a brother.
I'd have laid down my life for him.
Then you find out he's a traitor.
What makes a man cross that line, I don't know.
He let everyone down.
Come here.
This is one of the local kids.
He's our unit's mascot.
He lives on the base.
He saw it all.
Mark meet with Vietcong.
I hear click.
I hear explosion.
Mark was my friend.
I watch Mark die.
This is Jordan Brock reporting.
[Man On Radio] Keep your eyes open, people.
Anybody seen him? 
He's out there somewhere.
- Keep moving.
- [Grunts]
- Keep moving!
- I have movement at the tree line.
- [Screams] 
- Padia- tree line.
Got him.
- [Grunts] 
- Where are you? 
[Frustrated Grunt]
All right.! 
All right already.!
- Damn it!
- [Helicopter Passing]
Where the hell are you?
I believe you dropped this, sir.
Hell of a job, Lieutenant.
Where'd you learn to camo so well?
I've had a lot of practice in blending in, sir.
Fantastic. 
Watched the whole thing on the monitor.
Those helmet cameras.
What do you call 'em?
Tactical aniscopic cameras. 
TAC's.
Well, they're gonna do for you what CNN did for Desert Storm- 
- Give us all a taste of what it's like to be Rambo.
- Ram who?
Cute. 
And if multiple T.A.C.'s can document a real incursion...
Capitol Hill's gonna bend over backwards to fund your missions, Captain McClaren.
- That's the idea.
- I'll need analysis figures for Congressman Stanfield.
He'll get the ball rolling appropriating the RD funds. 
Well done.
- [Engine Starts] 
- Bureaucratic weasel.
LieutenantJarod Patton...
Master Sergeant Rob Hancock, Staff Sergeant Alyssa Padia.
Watch out for her.
She looks nice, but she bites like a pit bull.
Lieutenant, welcome to Operation Dustoff.
Ajoint mission with the Colombian military to infiltrate and destroy... narcotics processing factories.
Intel has uncovered a major shipment of coca paste... on its way to a factory near Cartagena, owned by-
Esteban Largo.
You are all on alert, so wear your pagers 24/7.
- [Debbie] Dad?
- [Broots] Yeah?
- Am I supposed to be here?
- Well, sure.
We're gonna have great fun.
Look. 
Here.
No, you sit down, right here.
And, oh, you got Barbie.
That's fun, huh? 
Uh, you can color.
So, all you have to do is just sit here and-and be really, really quiet... until it's time to go home.
A-And then we'll have great fun.
Broots.
Uh, or not.
Did I miss the memo on day care?
[Sighs] The sitter's got the German measles.
Debbie's godmother is on a Pritikin retreat.
I had no other choice.
It's called the yellow pages.
"B" for babysitter?
I would never leave my daughter alone with someone that I don't know.
I'm sorry, but she's staying here with me.
If that's okay with you.
Just make sure Little Miss Muffet stays out of my way.
[Phone Ringing]
[Clears Throat] Broots.
Uh, Mr. Raines.
Yes, sir. 
No. 
I love Miami.
Um-
Okay. 
Right away.
Jarod has penetrated the database at the Miami office.
Mr. Raines wants me to go down there and do an immediate mainframe inventory.
Sydney.
Uh, c-could you... help me out with Debbie?
Sorry, Broots, but I'm supervising three sets of twins... in the sim lab on a sleep deprivation watch.
[Sighs]
Don't even think about it.
Oh, come on. 
It's-It's a day, maybe two days, tops.
I don't do Mommy.
I don't know, Miss Parker.
It might help you process unresolved childhood issues.
[Scoffs] It never ends with you, does it?
[Sighs]
You owe me big.
l-l-I owe you huge.
Thank you. 
Thank you.
Jell-O? 
And it's a dessert?
Like at the end of the lunch line in school, remember?
- Actually, my food was brought to me.
- You did feed yourself?
For the most part.
Now, if the gelatin is soft... the pineapple chunks sink to the bottom.
But if it's too hard, they would just lie there on top.
My guess would be you have to wait for the proper viscosity... to actually add the chunk.
[Chuckling] Hmm.
Mmm. 
Mmm.
- Is that the captain?
- [Padia] Yeah.
That's him back in Vietnam, his glory days.
You know what I miss most about that war?
- My hair.
- Bravo Company.
Qui Nhon.
Do you still keep in touch with the men?
One that's still alive- Barney Stanfield.
Congressman Stanfield.
Used to boss that little grunt around.
Now he's in charge of my appropriations.
If you don't mind, I took the liberty of writing down a comparative analysis report... of the T.A.C. system that Congressman Stanfield's aide requested.
I compared fourJapanese manufacturers with two Minnesota-based companies.
- Conclusions?
- Buy American.
Padia. 
Run this up to Capitol Hill.
If you don't mind, Captain, I'd like to take this to the congressman myself.
I've never been that close to the real seat of power.
Just so we understand each other... these are the house rules.
No running, no playing... no feet on the furniture... and no noise, which includes both crying and whining.
Be invisible, and we'll get along just fine.
[Phone Rings]
- [Rings] 
- Your clothes are so pretty.
And no touching my stuff, especially my clothes.
What? 
Hold on, Sydney.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
I told you to stay out of my things, and I mean it!
[Sighs]
[Jarod] Congressman Stanfield, I have the TAC report from Captain McClaren.
- So how is that old warhorse these days?
- Still bald, sir.
I like this guy. 
I'm, uh-
Congressman Leon Beckwith, 11 th District, Louisiana.
You chair the Vietnam Memorial Wall Subcommittee... that Congressman Stanfield sits on.
You a registered voter, son?
No, sir, but I did help manipulate the Nixon landslide in 1972.
I really like this guy!
- Nice meeting you, Lieutenant.
- You as well, sir.
Leon. 
I hope you can appreciate a good cigar.
Yes, sir.
- Santiago Caribe.
- Private reserve.
You gotta know somebody to get ahold of one of these.
[Intercom Beeps]
[Woman On Intercom] Denise Clements is here again. 
Shall I call Security?
Uh, no. 
Um, send her in.
- Is there a problem?
- Oh, a tragedy.
One that won't go away, I'm afraid.
Please, stay.
Sorry to show up without an appointment.
I have two daughters myself, Denise.
I only hope that they love me half as much as you do your father.
Please, sit down.
Congressman, I talked with a Corporal Ethington from the 185th... who knew a man named Duke.
As you know, my father wrote a letter about a G.I. named Duke... who was helping him to catch a traitor, not act as one.
Sir, if this is the same Duke, I believe he can help me clear my father's name.
Miss Clements, we've talked about this letter many times... but it's circumstantial evidence, regardless of what this Duke person has to say.
If you can bring him to the next subcommittee meeting, I'll see to it you're heard.
Thank you.
- Her father served with you in Bravo Company.
- Yes.
Mark Clements was the last man you'd have thought would turn out to be a traitor.
Mark Clements was the last man you'd have thought would turn out to be a traitor.
Shejust won't let go of what she wants to believe.
[Jarod] Someone once said that "Old soldiers never die.
They simply fade away."
But I don't think the same can be said about their memory.
I think it grows stronger.
Who are you?
Someone who doesn't believe that your father was a traitor.
My name is Jarod.
[Sighs]
This must be very difficult for you.
It's all I've ever known.
It wasn't until after I buried my mother... that I realized... how important it was... to get his name up there.
If I give up, that's as good as saying he's guilty, and I know he wasn't.
This is the last letter my father wrote home, back in '72.
"Duke found out one of our guys is selling secrets to Charlie.
If I find out who, God help him."
So you think that the real traitor discovered that your father was onto him... and framed him.
But no one believes me.
I believe you.
[Young Sydney On Monitor] I want you to tell me what's wrong... with each of these pictures.
[Jarod] The chimney's missing there.
The door's upside down there.
The fence is missing a post there... and the address numbers are inverted there.
Look closer, Jarod.
[Jarod] The sun's shadow off the wood stack... it's misdirected in all of them.
- I missed it.
- Most people would, Jarod.
Their eyes can only perceive the obvious.
But to maximize your gift, your eyes must perceive everything.
Mark was my friend.
I watch Mark die.
Mark die.
I watch Mark die.
Le Xuan Duc. 
Duke.
Hello, Duke.
Broots, what do you mean it's going to take longer than you thought?
- Well, but I'm trying- 
- Do you mind!
- How's Debbie?
- She's fine. 
See, it's me that you should be worried about.
- I'll be back as soon as I can.
- [Beeps]
Mama?
Show me how to braid my hair.
Did you get it?
You'll see.
We'll open it after school, okay?
You have very pretty hair.
- Would you braid mine like that?
- I have things to do.
How did you get to be so mean?
I was born that way.
No. 
You weren't.
[Asian Accent] You want to be rich? 
Of course you do.
And I here to show you how to get rich quick... with my new video series, How To Get Rich Quick.
My name Lenny Duc.
I come to your country in tiny boat.
And now I own big boat!
American dream, number one.!
- And cut it! 
Perfect, Lenny.
- [Bell Rings]
That's lunch.
[Loses Accent] I've got a table reserved over at the Woodbridge Club... if you'd care to join me.
I don't think so.
Excuse me, Mr. Duc.
I'm a really big fan of your work.
Well, 89.95, plus shipping and handling, puts you on the road to the American dream.
And what a dream it is.
Ayoung Vietnamese boy emigrating to America with nothing... and building this empire.
Hey, as a matter of fact, you remind me of this little boy I saw on this old news report... about this G.I. in Vietnam... who died an alleged traitor.
What was his name? 
Oh, yes.
Mark Clements.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- [Beeping]
Well, sorry to bother you.
Have a nice day.
[Man On Radio] Operation Dustoff, you are two hours from your Colombian target.
Good luck.
[Chattering In Spanish]
[Spanish Continues]
They have no idea we're here.
Well, they're about to find out.
[Cheering]
What a beauty!
[Man] Oh, lookin'good.!
Bet Esteban Largo was not too thrilled with your handiwork.
- Well done, Lieutenant.
- I was proud to be on board, sir.
Hope you can appreciate a fine cigar.
It's a Santiago Caribe.
Well, th-Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
They're about to show me on TV.
[Tape Rewinding. 
Explosion]
He's never given me one of his special cigars, and I like cigars.
- What are you doing?
- Do you notice anything?
[Padia] C- 4 has a hell of a kick.
Look at the surrounding debris.
There was nothing inside that factory.
There's drums, burnt powder... lab equipment.
Yes, but enough to process a hundred tons of coca paste?
What are you saying?
That somebody tipped off Esteban Largo that we were coming.
He moves everything out... and leaves just enough evidence behind... so we think we made a big hit.
Who would do that?
With the destruction of this cocaine factory... another battle has been won in the war against drugs.
This is Captain McClaren, the mastermind of Operation Dustoff.
[Hearty Laughing]
Santiago Caribe.
Private reserve.
You have to know somebody to get ahold of one of these.
[Beeping]
Well...
I guess they really do know somebody.
All right. [Clears Throat] Let's move this along.
- Next!
- Private First Class Mark S. Clements.
[Beckwith] Miss Clements, I assume you have new light to shed on this matter.
Yes, I do.
Um, a corporal in the 185th Division-
Sorry. 
You were saying?
It's about Duke, the man referred to in my father's letter.
This Duke, um, is he here to testify?
I wasn't able to find him, sir, but my father was not a traitor.
- Can I have some water, please?
- If you would please listen-
Miss Clements, have you any new light to shed on this matter?
No, sir, but as I was saying, if you could just give me a little bit more time- 
- I'm sorry.
- But you haven't let me explain.
- What's next?
- Why won't you people listen to me?
Barney.
Miss Clements, I'm sorry to have to tell you this... but to be perfectly blunt... your father's name will never go up on that wall.
Now, please, we have other matters to address.
[Woman] We will now hear from Congressman Hutchinson... regarding Private First Class Jonas Drake... whose recent passing has been attributed to exposure to Agent Orange.
[Quiet Sobbing]
You're giving up?
I'm
- I'm facing the facts.
Maybe I can't find Duke because there is no Duke.
And maybe the reason I can't find any evidence in my father's defense... is 'cause it doesn't exist.
And maybe it doesn't exist because... my father was-
When I was little, I was taken from my family.
I don't know who they are... who my father is.
All I have is this.
It's the only connection that I have to him.
But I'll never give up searching for him... for my family.
Don't give up on your family.
I don't have the strength... to do this alone anymore.
You're not alone.
[Explosion]
[Explosion]
[Explosion]
[Explosions]
They have been awake for over 90 hours.
[Sighs] Yeah, in the same room with you, that is a record.
Sydney, you gotta help me out with this kid, take her off my hands.
Have her sim something.
I don't care.
[Chuckles] She's only a child.
She doesn't listen.
She's always in my things.
I can't even take a step without her nipping at my heels.
She's like a Chihuahua.
This is about her finding your mother's gift, isn't it?
Broots called.
He feels very concerned about his daughter's well-being.
Well, it's time he started showing a little concern about mine.
She delights in annoying me.
Debbie's not trying to annoy you.
Debbie's trying to be like you.
She unconsciously senses that you both share... a similarity of maternal abandonment.
Are you even capable of having a normal conversation?
It's her adaptive coping mechanism.
She senses how you came through it... and it gives her hope that she, too, someday... may come through it... which is why you need to let this relationship flourish.
You know, it would be really nice if once... you could take my side on something.
It's not about sides, Parker.
It's about the best interests of the child.
By projecting your anger on little Debbie... you've displaced the anger with yourself as a little girl.
And what am I so angry about, Dr. Spock?
It's that you feel responsible for your mother's death.
- [Woman Singing. 
Opera] - [Explosion]
- Leave me alone.!
- Mama! 
No!
[Elevator Bell Dings]
Mama.! 
No.! 
Stop.!
Mama, please! 
No!
[Echoing] Please, no.!
Mama, no! 
No, Mama! 
Let me go!
[Echoing] No, Mama.! 
Let me go.!
Let go! 
No! 
No, Mama!
[Screaming]
Please.! 
Mama.! 
Mama, no.!
Please, please, no.! 
Mama.! 
Please.! 
No.!
Let me go! 
Mama!
Mama! 
Let me go!
[Continues]
Now, remember, this is only a rough cut.
- [Beeping] 
- You want to be rich?
You want big house, fast car?
Beautiful girls?
Course you do.
I watch Mark die.
Mark was my friend.
- What the hell is going on?
- My friend- die- die. 
I watch-my friend- die.
Mark was my friend. 
I watch- I watch
- I watch-my friend- die.
Uh-oh. 
Technical difficulties.
- Who the hell are you?
- Someone who wants to know the truth.
Why did you corroborate his story?
Did McClaren threaten to kill you or your family?
You don't know what you're talking about.
I know he and Stanfield are tipping off a drug lord about raids in exchange for cash.
If they're doing it now, they were doing it back then.
- You don't know what you're asking me to do.
- I understand why you lied.
You were just a little boy.
McClaren offers you freedom from the atrocities of war.
You back his story on national TV... and he puts you and your family on a boat to the States.
It was a plane.
- What?
- McClaren helped my family escape on a plane.
I only said it was a boat in the commercials for dramatic effect.
The war ended for you.
Help me end it for Denise Clements.
[Sighs]
I was cleaning McClaren's tent, and I saw some documents marked "classified."
I knew something wasn't right, so I told Mark.
He said he'd have to catch McClaren in the act of passing the documents to the enemy... before he could accuse him of treason... so that night, we followed McClaren into a clearing... just north of the camp, but-
But it was a setup.
McClaren knew that Clements was onto him and wanted him to follow... because he had put land mines out there.
Did Clements hear the click... when he stepped on that toe popper?
Yeah, he heard a click, but it wasn't Mark who stepped on the mine.
You.
Mark transferred his weight on to the pressure fuse... so that I could move off.
He took your place on the mine.
That's when McClaren stepped out of the jungle.
He knew that Clements would never step off that mine.
[Rifle Cocks]
So he shot him.
- [Gunfire] 
- But he didn't die right away.
McClaren watched him bleed to death.
He planted the classified documents on him... and made Clements look like the traitor.
- I can still hear the click...
- [Clicking Sound] feel the heat of the explosion.
[Loud Explosion]
You think the war is over?
It'll never be over for me.
Excuse me, sir.
This just arrived from Congressman Stanfield's office.
- Is everything all right, sir?
- Huh?
- Is everything all right, sir?
- Huh?
Yeah.
You know, everything's fine.
I
- I'm sorry.
I can come back later.
No. 
Come in.
Are you sure?
Sit here.
Let's do something with your hair, okay?
I'm sorry that I got angry before.
It's just... that present was given to me by my mother... and no one has touched it but me... for a very, very long time.
Why haven't you opened it?
I'm not sure.
[Sighs] I wanted to about a thousand times... but, um... it was just so perfect.
The paper that she used and the way she tied the ribbon.
So very much my mother.
Your mommy died, didn't she?
Yes. 
The day she gave me that present.
I wouldn't have opened it either.
Why?
Because if you did... there would never be anything else for your mommy to give you.
I think it's time.
My mother loved this book.
[Voice Breaking] She wanted to read it with me.
"Little Women. '"
What's it about?
A little girl named Jo.
Was she happy?
[Chuckles] Let's find out. 
Come on.
"Chapter One: 
Playing Pilgrims.
""Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents,' grumbled Jo, lying on the rug."
[Debbie, Overlapping] "It's so dreadful to be poor, 'sighed Meg, looking at her old dress.
""I don't think it's fair for some girls to have plenty of pretty things...
"and other girls nothing at all,' added little Amy, with an injured sniff.
""We've got Father and Mother and each other,' said Beth contentedly from her corner.
The four young faces on which the fire shone bright"-
[Sobbing]
"...
Jo said sadly...
""We haven't got Father and shall not have him for a long time.'
"She didn't say perhaps never, but each silently added it... thinking of Father far away where the fighting was."
[McClaren] Barney?
Barney! 
Where the hell are you?
[Clicking]
[Jarod] Uh-oh.
That's not a good sound.
Jarod. 
Oh, thank God.
Am I glad to see you.
- You don't look so good.
- I am standing on a land mine.
Well, I better go get someone who can disarm it.
- How long can you stand there?
- As long as it takes.
Well, I guess anyone could if they knew what would happen... if they stepped off it.
That must have been why you had to shoot Mark Clements off the one he was standing on.
And that's why I'm going to have to shoot you.
What the hell is going on here?
What really happened in Qui Nhon, Captain?
If I were you, I would talk to me... or the next bullet might not be a blank.
Army Intel suspected a traitor in our unit.
So you killed Clements, and then you framed him.
Intel had their man, and you and Stanfield, you were in the clear.
- We did what we had to do.
- You had a business to run.
Selling secrets to the highest bidder.
Tell me something, Captain.
Is greed so addictive that you could kill an innocent man?
You couldn'tjust kill him.
You had to destroy him.
You stripped him ofhis honor... and you left his little girl another war to fight.
It's your word against mine.
Nobody doubted me before. 
You really think anybody's gonna doubt me now?
Thanks to these helmet cams, it's not just my words, it's yours too.
Damn it, Lieutenant.
You disarm this mine now!
- I am your commanding officer!
- Not technically.
You see, I'm not really in the army.
But if it makes you feel any better...
I won't shoot you in the leg like you shot Clements.
I'll aim... higher.
No.
- No.
- [Gunshot]
[Explosions]
Don't wet your pants, sir.
It's Jell-O. 
It's a dessert.
Yummy.
Hello?
[Nervous Chuckle]
[Wheezy Chuckle]
What, uh, happened to you?
Well-
We went shopping.
Do you have a problem with that?
Honey?
Why don't you gather up your stuff, and we'll leave Miss Parker to her business?
She's a good kid.
Always take care of her... or I will hunt you down and kill you.
- Understand?
- I think so.
You read it all. 
Promise?
I promise.
Come on, kiddo.
[Door Opens]
[Door Closes]

Join me...
Or die!
How about "None of the above"!
Cut! 
Very! 
Great!
Six A.M., right on the schedule.
I wanna thank you once again for a magnificent all-nighter.
Oh, I love you.
That was fu-u-un, wasn't it?
- Yeah, you were really terrific.
- A-ha, thanks a lot.
Come on guys, come on.
Ah, Rollie, you are one sick dude, man.
- One sick dude.
- Hey, Eldon, this is art, you know!
- Rollie.
- Hey!
Everything is looking very nice, huh?
Ah yes, very nicely, indeed on budget.
Ah, now, don't typecast me. 
That is not all that producers think about.
Although it looms large, huh?
- Papa.
- Ah, look the rat wrangler.
- The best of the rat wranglers.
- Tanya, huh.
You have to come by the set tonight, papa.
Rollie's having vampire bitten to death by hundreds of my rats.
Then he's gonna burst into flames as sphere of fire sent from the heavens.
- Not before the ceiling caves in.
- Ahh.
- Rollie can do anything.
- Oh, I concur.
Rollie, I wanna thank you for taking Tanya under you wings.
- She learned much from you.
- The feeling's mutual.
Ah, good, good. 
I'm glad you feel that.
Pavel, come in, come in.
Rollie Tyler, my brother Pavel.
He was a very important man in our country.
But I think maybe he stayed too long.
But now he starts over here in America.
Like me, like all of us, huh?
- A lot of opportunities, huh Pavel?
- Cheques arrived.
Ah, good, good.
Is a good day for everybody.
You get paid, the picture gets release.
I wanna thank you, I thank you all for a consummate effort!
Ah-ha, come on Pavel.
- Pleased to meet.
- It's nice to meet you.
And Tanya, get rid of the rats.
They're bad luck.
What's his story?
He's full of superstition.
Know, like shaking hands across a threshold.
It means you'll never meet again - death!
Death, huh?
There's a three-hour wrap adead.
Yeah, my fault is gonna fixed just pick up from the lab, I just called.
Let me go.
- Cute boy in optics lab.
- Really?
Alright, be right back.
- I will, don't worry, half hour, bye.
- See you.
Hi.
Come on.
There you go, my little friends.
Chow down.
So the flares and wish weapon are set for tonight's church gag.
What about ambler control on the Mortar's azimuth system?
- Should synch perfectly with the camera.
- Good.
- Heard from Tanya?
- I was gonna ask you the same thing.
Yeah the lab just called.
And she hasn't showed up.
What?
- It's been hours!
- I know.
Ilya, you may be the executive producer, but your daughter's on my payroll.
When I got to my office this was put through the mail slot. 
Tanya.
This chamber's RTIG and impossible to find.
The volume of oxygen being provided is calculated precisely.
Unless you pay $ 1.5 million...
I'll suffocate in exactly 18 hours.
Instructions will be posted on a web site
N-A-U-M-O-V
IN RUSSIAN: 
Please dad, don't be deaf.
Do as they say.
Tanya always said that... there was nothing you can't do, Rollie.
You must help me.
Okay, I got the web site.
Looks like a live feed from a real-time video cam.
Traceable?
No, it's a bogus host.
They're pinballing the signal out of servers in Asia and Eastern Europe.
Not a chance.
Eastern Europe, Naumov.
Ilya, I've got a good friend with the NYPD.
American police and...
and Russian mafia... it's toxic tea!
You don't know my police friends.
Rollie, in my lifetime
I've already lost my language and my country and my wife.
I only have one thing left... one thing to live for.
Ilya, the best I can offer you is a package deal.
Let me call my friends.
I'll help them help you.
We will get her back.
Papa!
Papa!
No we're in that database.
But find out who Knox sold units to and get me the list of oxygen tank suppliers.
Look at this.
Is that sunlight falling across the meter?
Could be a skylight?
Bring it up. 
Use that D.P. software.
Yeah, "Crescit Sunwhere", right. 
Good idea.
Okay...
Let's compare the shadows at Tanya's location with the ones outside the loft.
Okay, that's us now.
And let's calculate the same angle to this location...
If the tape had been made here, it would have been around at 7 this morning.
- She left the studio at 6:30.
- Half an hour drive time...
Run the latitude on the web site shadow at 7.
Right through Manhattan.
- Can you get the longitude?
- Not enough information.
So many buildings.
We'll start by searching the empty ones first, Ilya.
It gives us a place to start.
We have contact!
Ilya, you're on!
Bring 15,000 $100 bills to a phone booth at the Southwest corner of 14th and Madison.
Exactly 2:00 this afternoon.
Wait for contact. 
No police, no tricks.
Synthesized voice from text, transmitted via satellite phone, with caller I.D. interrupt.
Even my N.S.A. friend couldn't trace this.
And that's giving her the key words.
No one could trace.
This is KGB we are dealing with.
Is there anyone out there?
Can you hear me?
And that is how easy it is to find a police-issue tracker.
And this will help us?
We want them to find the police tracker - so they won't scan for ours.
- A rubber band?
- Yes, each one is embedded with a special transmit chip.
After the kidnappers ditch the bag, we activate the signal and we're on them.
Ilya, if any of them discover this...
We're arranging for a backup.
And we have one hour to deliver the money, Ilya.
Yes.
All units stand by.
The drop is in progress.
There's no phone!
Ilya, look around. 
Is there a note?
Is there anything?
There is a tape recorder.
Do what I tell you or your daughter is dead.
We are going for a walk.
Don't forget the bag.
To your left, around the corner.
They're telling you where to go.
So much for the N.S.A. tracing the call.
Get on the next uptown bus.
Turn the tape off. 
Turn it back on the moment you are inside the bus.
Getting on the uptown bus.
Gatti, he's getting on the uptown.
Move up the cover.
Bus is northbound on 6th.
Box it on a five-block parallel.
Go to the back.
We saved you a seat.
Place the bag on the floor under the messy seat.
Go to the back of the bus.
No one has moved.
Sit tight, they will.
Go, go!
The tracker's moving.
But the bus hasn't.
Ilya, check the bag now!
It is gone.
It's gone!
Oh, my god, it's gone!
Seal off the block, now!
It's empty. 
The money's gone, it's empty.
- Plan B, Ang.
- Yeah.
Okay, four blocks further East,
- and they're stopped.
- West side of the street.
Gatti, 28th and Lex, we've got them.
Rollie...
Rollie says there's always a way.
IN RUSSIAN:
Well.
IN RUSSIAN:
Look.
IN RUSSIAN:
Very good.
Well done.
IN RUSSIAN:
Listen.
- Why don't we divide the money now?
- No.
No, as we planned originally: 
Monday.
Monday is more auspicious.
Now notify Ilya, the location of Tanya.
It's a wet job now, Pavel.
- What?
- She can identify us...
And you!
How does she know my part in this?
She knows... because we told her.
If she is dead, we will never be caught.
None of us.
No one to blame but myself.
I should've never allowed the police.
Pavel was right.
Roll the tape again, Ang.
There, look at her right hand.
Why is she twisting it like that?
- Just roll the audio.
- M-O-V
IN RUSSIAN: 
Please dad, don't be deaf.
Do as they say.
Ilya, what's she saying?
Very precisely.
She's saying, "Please, papa, do not be deaf."
"Do as they say."
Tell me, she's worked with deaf people?
Summer camp.
Ang, check her right hand against the finger spelling database.
I don't have to. 
It's a "K" and a "P".
K.P. or P.K.
Kozlov.
Pavel?
No!
Ilya, he knew about the sat phone trace we set up with the N.S.A.
Did he know about the secondary backups?
Yeah, that too.
And he also had time to make a call.
Pavel, Pavel, Pavel.
You know I cast only good spells.
I cure people. 
I help them with their troubles.
And I never use the evil eye, no.
Now tell your bubka, why are you so frightened?
I have done a terrible thing.
But it was because I had no prospects, no hope.
Alone, in a strange country, with no friends.
Except for your bubka.
Talk to me. 
What have you done?
Your nose, your mouth, they're no longer in their right places.
But I have a cure.
Special waters.
They are costly, but for you...
Mr. Kozlov, your landlord told us we might find you here.
What do you want?
A straight answer.
I have told you,
I know nothing.
Look, your brother has exactly 1.5 million.
You're broke: motive.
Mr. Kozlov, there's other people involved here.
Professionals. 
Dangerous professionals.
If you just give us their names -
I... if I give their names I'm lying.
Because there's no one else.
Now, I want to see my lawyer.
You cannot keep me from my lawyer!
You obviously need a little more time here.
I'll be back.
My own brother...
Tanya's dying, and he's asking for lawyers.
You're getting nowhere with him.
My Tanya is running out of time!
Stop it! 
Stop that whistling!
Don't you know what's good for you?
He worries about his childish fears.
How could he do such a thing!
The writ of release just came through, Frank.
- He's done here.
- Are you kidding me?
It's for real.
What will we do now, hmm?
Okay, let's go.
- What's going on?
- His lawyer got this writ.
Pavel, you're the only one who could lead us to Tanya.
Ilya, I would never hurt Tanya!
- Liar!
- Ilya!
Allen, your weapon.
Where is Tanya? 
Talk!
I know nothing!
IN RUSSIAN:
Die, basterd!
Ilya... put the gun down.
Not until he talks.
Ilya...
Don't, Rollie, no I will shoot you.
Ilya, that's not gonna help Tanya, is it?
And that's what we're here for, remember?
Rollie, she only has a few hours.
So let's not waste them.
There's always a way.
Uhh!
Lock him up.
I must thank you.
Huh, you can go to hell.
Move it, come on.
This is bloody priceless, captain.
Pavel's about to walk the streets.
His victim is suffocating, and her father...
Her father is locked in jail.
We have no choice.
It's the law.
I'm tired told you stop whistling!
I'm tired told you sit down.
What is going on out here?
One of his many superstitions.
No whistling, no...
What?
Where'd you pick him up this morning?
Brighton beach. 
Landlord said where he'd be.
He said he was visiting his "bupkiss" or something.
- His bubka?
- His bubka, whatever.
Can you hold him for an hour or so?
Yeah, we can take our time with his report, why?
What would happen if made his worst nightmare come true in broad daylight?
We just entered Brighton beach.
Any particular address?
My apartment, 14 Gorky.
Alright.
N... no, no!
No, no, no!
- Hey, sit down.
- Stop the car. 
Stop the car.
Stop the car. 
Stop the car.
What's the matter?
Hey, hey!
Hey man, I got $10 on the meter.
- Y-your cab's full of rats.
- Hey, your brain's... full of bats!
No, they were there. 
They were there.
Yeah, I've seen 'em.
There were rats there.
Yeah, the big blue one with the red polka dots. 
That was one of my favourite ones.
No, no, no, $10.
You owe me $10, pal.
$10
- There were rats, I saw...
- Yeah, they're driving.
I pay you.
They were rats, they were rats.
Alright, boys, let's go for lunch.
- I see the rats performed.
- Right on queue.
Stand by for seven years of bad luck, Ang.
Go!
Ahh!
Ahh!
Enter the doppelganger!
Ohh!
Raise the parabolic. 
He's headed for the phone booth.
Bubka? 
I need your help, now.
The governor is coming for advice.
- That's the bubkiss.
- Please, bubka!
Okay, okay, ten o'clock.
Ten o'clock, I will be there.
Hour and a half to get ready.
And after that we've got three hours to find Tanya.
I was respected in the old country, revered.
I will not be subjected to such indignity!
Cut the outrage, Madame Olga...
I happen to know that you spent more time behind bars than you did behind your crystal ball
- in the "old country".
- Misunderstandings.
Yeah, well, it's no misunderstanding that you're in this country illegally.
Now, you play your part and do as you're told, or I will talk you and your tarot cards to Rikers.
Hearing piece.
Police.
You believe in that... gibberish stuff?
- There's justice after all.
- Ilya, yes.
Yeah, I used your argument on the captain.
The one about the "real thing" being better than synthetic?
Yeah, and if he happens to see his daughter get rescued...
There you go, Ilya, we're the American cops.
- Show time.
- Got your back, Rollie.
Vidcam's online. 
Projectors are hot.
- Ilya?
- That's it.
Oh, this is good, this is good.
Thank you, bubka.
What is it, bubka? 
Tell me!
Ooh, I should have seen it sooner.
The evil eye!
Pavel, you have been cursed.
And by a very powerful sorcerer.
A koldun of the first order.
Please, you must help me!
No, no, to aid you would make me subject to the koldun's wrath.
I have money, more, a great deal of money.
Perhaps coming to terms first would be better.
Bubka, think Rikers.
Think solitary confinement.
Bread, water, showers every other Sunday.
However, my friend, your plight is so perilous, it touches my heart.
I will help you...
- for nothing.
- Oh, you ca... you can protect me
- from this koldun?
- I have a talisman.
It will shield you from the strongest...
Do not look so surprised, my Pavel.
A koldun is capable of anything...
Even killing a bubka.
- Ilya?
- Of course.
How do you think I got where I am, huh?
Hard work, honesty.
Ha, ha!
And if my Tanya is not freed at once,
I will turn my power against you.
We're on him. 
Stay in touch.
Hey, Mr. Tyler, you and I, we could get very rich together, no?
Please work, please...
Bastards!
The oxygen flow has stopped.
They said "a precise calculation", Ilya.
She has three hours left.
Yeah?
Rollie, Pavel's at the East End of Charlemagne.
- He's at a phone booth.
- We're on our way.
You have no idea of the forces we're dealing with!
We know what we are doing, Pavel.
- Now, you listen...
- No.
I have made my decision. 
Live with it!
IN RUSSIAN:
Fool.
He's going to free the girl.
I told you he is a fool.
Mira, he's stopped.
We've got it covered, Rollie.
IN RUSSIAN:
Good night.
Pavel...
Pavel!
Pavel's shot down.
All units, move in, move in!
No!
He's gone.
Tanya!
Where is my daughter?
We will never know now, never!
We have units checking every building in this complex.
- Every floor, every room.
- Yeah... but look at this place!
Hey, check over there.
We have a latitudinal match, but that's it.
There's hundreds of rooms that size on the building plans.
And we have 15 minutes to search 5 acres of a factory.
Oh, my god, that poor kid.
Angie, look at this tape from this morning.
That's sunlight.
It had to come through a skylight.
Mm-hmm, and there's hundreds of skylights.
What are we gonna do, poke around on the roof with flashlights?
I don't think so.
We don't have the time.
Or do we...
Help me with the gear.
Section 1 is clear.
Nothing. 
We're moving to section 2.
Let's move!
Section 1 is clean.
They're moving into 2.
That leaves us 3 through 8.
Three through 8, alright.
- What do you reckon, Ang?
- My lucky number is four.
- Fire away!
- Okay.
Let's go to 7.
That is it, you found her. 
Hurry!
- All units, proceed to section 7.
- On my way.
We're never gonna find her in six minutes.
- We can narrow down, though.
- Narrow it down?
There's 50 skylights in each section.
Fifty!
First light!
Rollie, I had something.
Sweep back, slower.
Stop there.
Now bring it in.
- Anything, Ang?
- Negative.
- Got it?
- Nothing yet.
Damn!
That's it, that's it!
Rollie, you got it!
You got it!
Time!
Whoo!
Tanya?
Tanya!
Tanya, can you hear me?
- Rollie?
- Yeah, it's me.
I'm sorry.
Don't get used to lazing around.
You're on tomorrow's call sheet. 
Get out.
- Yeah, we got rats to wrangle.
- I can't wait.
Thank you.
Thank all of you.
- Rollie?
- Yeah?
There's always a way.
There sure is.

* People *
* Keep on learnin' *
* Soldiers *
* Keep on warrin' *
* World *
* Keep on turnin'... *
Are we going to do it right here?
-Yeah, right here.
* Powers *
* Keep on lyin' *
* While your people *
* Keep on dyin' *
* World *
* Keep on turnin' *
* 'Cause it won't be too long *
* I'm so darn glad he let me try it again *
* 'Cause my last time on earth, I lived a whole world of... *
Before we do this, promise me something, Trey.
That you won't have bungee sex with anyone but me.
Promise.
One.
Two... three.
Help me! 
Help me!
...uh, we're against, not only public displays of affection, we're against private displays.
You have to go?
I have to go.
Well, thank you for dinner.
You're an exceptional cook, Detective.
I told you I make a mean cheeseburger.
Looks like it's going to be a busy night for both of us.
I'll start the coffee.
Flack.
Hey. 
Excuse me.
Impressing your fans with your battle wounds?
They were concerned about my recovery.
I was just putting them at ease.
I got it.
Well, welcome back, we missed you.
Thanks.
How are you feeling?
Not bad for my first day back.
I'm mostly running on adrenaline.
Still have a couple hours of rehab to clock, but the doctor says
I'm gonna be all right.
Good, good.
So Flack, how many phone numbers did you get?
I don't think I like where you're going with this, Monroe.
Really? 
How many?
Three.
(giggles)
Everybody loves a hero.
Our vic's name is Sam McFarland.
He works in finance.
He's 25 years old.
Wasn't robbed.
I found several credit cards and $300 in his wallet.
Who found him?
Anonymous call.
It's a stab wound.
The weapon is still inside.
A little Statue of Liberty and the light is its torch.
FLACK:
That's one killer souvenir.
It's connected to this key chain.
He's got several abrasions on his face.
Ligature marks on his neck.
And a perfect red lipstick mark on his cheek.
Probably has something to do with this.
FLACK:
It looks like he had plans for a proposal.
Well, he picked a pretty romantic spot.
Especially when you do it like that.
Third building from the left.
See it?
Wow.
That's impressive.
Yeah, he's definitely raised the bar for the rest of us.
Marry me.
I get the feeling she said no.
C.S.I. N.Y. 
- Saison 3 Episode 1 
-People With Money-
Team CSI New-York.
Traduction : 
Pousstik 
- CptArcher - Sir_Falstaff 
- Jayson.soswe
Synchro : 
Job22 
- OrionDeBmk
Relecture : 
Shadow 
- Cookie 
- Stella
FLACK:
Our vic worked in the building with the lights on the 12th floor at Lancaster and James Financial.
He lived on the Upper East Side with his girlfriend, Erica Lancaster.
Still no sign of her yet.
If the keys dangling from the vic's chest are hers, you might want to expand your search.
We're on it.
Here's our M.E. Where you been, Peyton?
So it's you two that I get to blame for interrupting my evening.
No, it's that guy over there.
Hey, Peyton.
Don't tell me you left the prestigious
Columbia University to come back to this?
Stella, teaching was getting a little routine.
Well, you're in the right place 'cause this isn't routine.
Murder weapon is still in the chest.
We thought you might want to take a look before we transport the body.
We found this piece of porcelain.
It seems to be consistent with our Statue of Liberty.
Well, that's fragile material.
It could break if we move him and possibly alter the wound tract.
So, what are our options?
Well, there's only one I can think of...
BONASERA:
Blood spatter.
20 feet from where we found the body.
Most likely the initial point of attack.
And there's a void right here.
Some of these blood stains are smeared.
Whatever was here someone took it with them.
MESSER:
Detective Angell.
Messer. 
Doc.
Hey.
What happened?
I don't see Benton breathing down your neck.
He take the training wheels off?
You come all the way up here to bust my balls or to work, Messer?
Oh, Angell got her wings, huh?
Gimme a break.
Anybody notice that she's got a pair of pillows on her hands?
Don't look at me.
I'm always a couple years behind on fashion trends.
HAWKES:
What do we know?
Vic's name is Vanessa May.
All this glass and marble belongs to her.
She lives alone.
Between fianc\s.
No signs of forced entry or burglary.
Hmm...
Contusions.
Possible fractures.
Significant amount of secondary trauma consistent with a beating.
nny, give me a hand.
Let's get these pillows off her.
Nothing on her hands.
Thought if we had something, it might explain her interesting taste in gloves.
Rigor's barely set in.
T.O.D. is less than four hours.
Lividity is consistent with body position.
She died right here.
MESSER:
Who found her?
Margo Demme.
Claims the title of best friend.
These girls are major players on the party circuit.
Regulars in the Post.
All for being born rich.
ANGELL:
Margo came over to take
Vanessa for a spa day.
Found her like this.
Hi, Ms. Demme.
I'm Dr. Sheldon Hawkes from the New York Crime Lab.
She was already dead.
I tried to revive her, but she wasn't breathing.
I took a class once, I know what to do.
All right, I'm sure you did all you could.
Now my job is to collect evidence from the crime scene.
Since you touched the body,
I'm going to need some reference samples from you.
All right?
When you're ready.
MESSER:
Found ten grand in her pocket.
And we got blood.
And the jacket's folded neatly.
There's no blood trail from it to the body.
So these stains are not associated with the attack.
Now, if that blood is from our vic, then that means she came home already in trouble.
So where'd the trouble begin?
FLACK:
Ms. Lancaster, when did you last see your boyfriend?
MS. LANCASTER:
I was with Sam in my apartment early yesterday morning.
Before I left for a busineo} trip.
And that was the last time you saw him?
Officer, you've asked the same question, eight different ways.
My daughter has told you she was not on the Brooklyn Bridge last night.
Why don't you tell us what happened to Sam?
Do you guys even have a suspect, yet?
Let me make something very clear to you...
TAYLOR:
Mr. Lancaster, would you just give us a minute.
I think it's best we talk to your daughter alone.
I'm sorry, it's just that Sam was...
I'll be inside.
FLACK:
Ms. Lancaster, let's continue.
Last night I was at the airport waiting for Sam to pick me up.
I finally took a cab.
How long did you wait?
An hour and a half, maybe more.
Yellow cab or livery?
Livery.
Did you get a receipt?
You said it was a business trip.
Oh, no, I just... 
I wanted to get home, I was worried.
I tried Sam's cell and he didn't answer.
Sam mention plans after the airport?
A late dinner, drinks?
A walk on the bridge?
Uh, no, my flight was scheduled to arrive after 11:00.
That's late for Sam.
I did find it strange that he volunteered to pick me up though.
I usually just arrange for a car.
But he said he wanted to talk.
Um...
"catch up on things" were words he used.
You travel a lot?
I work for the American History Museum collecting and documenting Civil War artifacts.
Lately, we just... hadn't seen each other much.
Trying to kick the habit.
It's a spider bite.
One last question, Ms. Lancaster.
What size ring do you wear?
Seven.
Six.
He got the size wrong.
Or maybe Sam bought the ring for someone else.
The prints I lifted off the band are the thumb and index finger of our vic.
As if he slid it onto someone's hand.
Prints weren't smeared.
So he didn't struggle doing it;
it was an easy fit.
So Sam's plan was to propose to someone else on the bridge.
And then pick up Erica Lancaster to "talk."
Translation-- end their relationship.
If Erica Lancaster found out about the affair... certainly is motive.
From the time her plane landed until she caught her cab,
Erica had plenty of time to get to the bridge, kill Sam and get back.
Or is the other woman our killer, and how do we find her?
Well, I did took a look at the keys.
There were no usable prints, and nothing matched the partial on our murder weapon, however, I do believe they belong to a woman.
This key could be to a gym locker or a bike lock.
This could be an office key, or a home key, but this little guy here...
is to a diary.
I don't know many men who keep them.
There was also a key to a P.O. box.
Flack is chasing that down right now.
You're not going to believe what I found.
Dynamite. 
The trace I found on the shirt and tie of the vic came back as nitroglycerin.
Dynamite?
This whole thing could be about the bridge, not Sam McFarland.
TAYLOR:
Bomb squad was on the scene last night responding to calls of suspicious activity, but they didn't find a thing.
Sam McFarland's marriage proposal plans may have stopped more than traffic.
Did you know that when Egyptian princesses died, they weren't embalmed for several days to prevent necrophilia.
The natural degradation of the human body made it unappealing, even to the most deviant of men.
Why someone would want to have sex with a lifeless body in the first place,
I mean, it's counterintuitive.
Sid. 
Sid.
What?
You're going to that creepy place again.
Okay. 
All right.
Fine.
Internal and external examination indicated no sexual assault.
C.O.D.?
Blunt force trauma.
Damage to the brain stem caused immediate death
These facial and torso bruises were caused mostly by a closed fist.
Small hands.
Yeah.
Report said there was no forced entry, suggesting that the victim knew her killer, so I checked her brain chemistry, and detected significantly elevated glutamate levels.
Which means our victim was in a heightened emotional state just prior to the attack.
A crime of passion?
It certainly looks like one.
Yeah.
Were you able to lift any fingerprints?
No. 
Most were smudges, some partials, but I did hit the jackpot with this.
Oh. 
That's a tongue print.
Found it just above the navel.
Still sticky.
The sticky is mucous mixed with alcohol and sugars.
I found Cactus Gold at the scene.
Tequila body shot.
And there's a void here.
Looks like scarring.
Maybe we can match the tongue with a suspect based on the unique void and spatial arrangements of the papillae.
Yeah. 
I mean, taste bud comparison.
They're just as distinctive as a fingerprint.
That's right. 
Good.
Are we done here?
No. 
Not exactly.
Take a look at this.
I found something on the roof of her mouth.
A winged unicorn.
Yeah.
Designer LSD on a blotter.
Tequila and acid.
Your vic had quite the evening.
Yeah...
There's our drugstore.
Specializes in unicorn blotters.
Street name is Picasso.
He's tied into the high society club scene.
By the looks of those bruises, maybe murder.
Store's closing early today, Picasso.
Easy. 
Take it easy.
We're just gonna ask you some questions, all right?
Here you go.
Come on.
Oh, man, look at that.
You're going out of business, kid.
Where'd you get those bruises, Picasso?
Some dude beat me up.
You sure it was a dude?
So?
Yeah, I seen her around.
You won't anymore.
What? 
She's dead?
Yeah. 
What do you know about that?
Nothing, man.
Uh, nothing. 
I swear.
Got small hands, my man.
About the same size as the bruises we found on her body.
Along with your trademark.
Yeah. 
All right.
I seen her last night.
Okay?
She, she was at Prowl, the dance club on 13th.
She came in with some caveman that didn't seem into her, so I made my move.
You know chicks with money, they like bad boys.
She was feeling good, I was feeling good, and...
Then?
And then the dude put the brakes on-- the hard way, if you know what I mean.
You know this dude?
No idea.
What?
Check the club.
They'll tell you guys I left solo.
I had nothing to do with your girl's murder, man.
That's God's honest.
Picasso, I don't really peg you as the religious type.
So I'm gonna need something else, all right?
Stick out your tongue and say, "Ah."
Tell me you have a match.
Picasso sold her the blotter, but he did not hit her, nor was his tongue anywhere near her stomach.
I got some good news from the DNA we pulled off the salt rimmer.
Came back to four people-- our vic... unknown male, unknown female, and an ex-con named Clarence Rome.
Did you say Clarence Rome?
Yeah, why?
Well, the blood found on the vic's jacket, and the blood you found on the tooth in the alley outside Prowl, are a match.
Also Clarence Rome.
All right, so he was at the vic's apartment and he was at the club-- looks like we got a blood trail.
And all roads lead to Rome.
You get the license plate of the car that hit you, Clarence?
Oh, that's funny, man.
Why don't you try throwing this underneath your pillow?
The Tooth Fairy might leave you a little somethin' somethin'.
I'm bustin' a gut here.
You should take this show on the road, you know?
Yeah, I might, but, for now, why don't you tell me your relationship with Vanessa May?
More specifically, actually, tell me what happened last night.
Tough guy like you-- what happened, she didn't give you what you wanted?
Is that when she fought back?
Perhaps giving you those bruises?
She's dead, Clarence, and your DNA is all over the crime scene.
We have you.
I didn't touch her.
The pain on my face is a gift from her bodyguard.
Bodyguard.
Yeah.
Private chaperon, same business that I'm in.
These ladies hire us to keep the losers away when they go out clubbing.
Last night, my client made a bet with another bodyguard's client whose man was more of a badass.
Winner pockets ten grand.
You were cock fighting?
These ladies are rich and bored.
And very competitive-- always looking for the next high.
These days, it's sweat and blood.
You still didn't explain to me how your blood ended up on Vanessa May's jacket.
She had ringside seats, so maybe she took home a souvenir.
I don't know.
Who'd you fight?
-A big dude.
Black.
He didn't stop the beating long enough to give me his name, all right?
Tell me about your client then.
She paid cash.
That's all I remember.
Do you remember how you ended up in Vanessa's apartment last night?
I believe I just said I don't know anything else.
All right, so I guess it's true what they say-- you get hit in the head one too many times, and you start forgetting things.
But lucky for us, we got a way to make you remember what happened.
This is the owner of our Statue of Liberty key chain.
Danica Wade.
The P.O. box key was issued to the same name.
And she was reported missing this morning.
Came to me as a floater, recovered about five hours ago.
Trauma distribution indicates a horizontal impact with the water.
She was found on the west side of Manhattan.
If you consider the movement of currents, tide levels, body weight,
I arrive at one conclusion.
She jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge.
Looks like it.
So, what? 
She stabbed Sam McFarland with her keys and then killed herself?
No.
I'd estimate she that jumped two to three hours before Sam McFarland was killed.
So Sam and Danica's deaths are completely unrelated.
All we know is that they both lost their lives on the Brooklyn Bridge yesterday.
Suicide victims usually leave evidence of their existence at the site of the jump.
So who came by and grabbed those keys?
I'd look for someone who's pregnant.
The trace on your lipstick print... came back as prenatal vitamins.
I think she means "vitamins."
No way this blood was transferred during the fight.
Every spot on here is a contact stain, which means our vic got up close and personal with Clarence.
So he's lying.
Which is no surprise.
But his fists are way too big to have made these bruises.
What do you got, Adam?
Confirmatory tox results on your tongue print.
We found traces of trimethoprim sulfamethoxazole.
It's a drug used to treat Donovanosis.
It's an STD.
It's very rare.
But because trimethoprim is not commonly prescribed, you know, I could, you know, get a subpoena, make some calls, find out who prescribed it.
There's at least 500 pharmacies in the city, Adam.
It's cool.
All right, knock yourself out.
Oh, hey, guys, here it is.
Not only do I have an answer to the dynamite mystery, but I think I can put Erica Lancaster on the bridge.
Well, let's hear it.
Okay, Mac, you said that Erica had a patch on her arm.
Yes.
You also said that she worked for the museum in civil war artifacts.
He did.
Right. 
So it would make sense in that line of work that she would travel to the southern United States, which is the regional habitat for the brown recluse spider, which explains the traces of dynamite.
Wait a minute, you lost me at "regional habitat."
All right, let me start in the middle.
Erica said the patch was for a spider bite.
She was telling the truth.
Patches laced with dynamite are used to treat the bite of the brown recluse spider.
And because of her job at the museum, she was traveling through the southern United States, and that's where she was bitten.
Exactly.
Now, the trace I found on Sam McFarland's shirt and tie was dynamite.
And according to Dr. Driscoll's autopsy report, in the ligature marks of Sam's neck
were consistent with the tie.
The tie was used to strangle Sam McFarland.
Lindsay, Erica lived with the vic.
She could have transferred the dynamite to the tie any number of ways before he was strangled with it.
And even if she did strangle him, it doesn't prove she killed him because we can't put the murder weapon in her hands.
Right, and we still haven't put her on the bridge.
Come on, you guys.
She was angry with him.
She found out he was having an affair.
He was about to marry somebody else.
She was mad.
Find the evidence that proves that, Lindsay.
Hey.
DNA from the earring we found at the scene got a hit in CODIS.
Erica Lancaster?
No.
Cassidy Daniels.
I love New York!
Promise me something, Angelo.
You won't have bungee sex with anyone but me.
I promise, Cassidy.
Whoa...!
Get dressed.
Plunge is over.
You the private muscle working for Vanessa May?
Maybe.
Maybe?
We found trimethoprim on the glass found at the scene of her murder.
Comes back to you.
Vanessa's dead?
How?
Why don't you tell us?
She's got the same type of closed fist bruises you have.
This was a money fight.
Vanessa's idea.
She told you to fight, so you did?
Whatever the client wants... the client gets.
That include sex?
'Cause we also found your tongue prints all over her stomach.
That was a body shot, nothing more.
I told Vanessa I couldn't have sex with her.
Personal reasons.
So tell us how the rest of the night went, player.
I picked Vanessa up at 9:00.
I took her here.
She wanted a little bit more excitement, so she went looking for it.
In the form of an LSD blotter?
Whatever the client decides to do, it's their business.
I just make sure they're not hassled by the lowlifes.
That include using her stomach as a margarita glass?
If that's her wish.
Was that here or in her apartment?
That was here.
What happened next?
After the fight my client wanted to thank me for a job well done.
But it was more like window shopping.
You destroyed him.
Now be a good prizefighter and take your prize.
I didn't get the goods.
Why don't you tell us how this romantic evening ended.
My client was wasted.
She pulled the plug on the night, so I dropped her off, then went to Florent to get some eggs.
Now if there's anything else,
I'd like to get back to my job.
You know, the blood on Vanessa's jacket was a secondary transfer.
Asad had it on his hands when he was messing around with his client.
You see the size of the mitts on that guy?
There's no way he beat our vic to death.
But he was in her penthouse.
We have nothing to confirm that.
No, I think we do.
This place only serves martinis, no tequila.
Asad said that he did the body shot here.
Asad lied.
It was just bungee sex.
It was also indecent exposure and criminal trespassing, Cassidy.
Okay, so arrest me and I'll get a lawyer.
You were convicted of burglary five years ago.
I was 16 years old.
And I did my time.
Is that why you were on the bridge last night, Cassidy?
You were thinking of robbing
Sam McFarland?
Maybe the robbery didn't go your way, so you grabbed the first thing you could find and stabbed him.
You're crazy.
That's yours.
We found it on the Brooklyn Bridge.
It must have fallen off when I was taking off my shirt.
We were there for bungee sex, nothing else.
Help me!
We didn't stick around.
We gathered everything up off the ground, we stuck it in a backpack, and we got out of there.
Are we going to do it right here?
Yeah, right here.
That's one hot mama.
Hey, I don't get it, but some guys get turned on by it.
Maybe they imagine they're the father of the baby,
I don't know.
Tips have been good.
You know a Sam McFarland?
Sure.
When's the last time you saw him?
Last night.
He asked me to marry him.
Is he in some kind of trouble?
We found his body on the Brooklyn Bridge.
Were you there, Dori?
Yeah, I was.
Just say yes.
Are you kidding me?
No.
You can't treat me the way you did and act like I'm just supposed to forget.
I love you, Dori.
I know you do.
Three months ago, he offered me $40,000 to stay out of his life.
And last night, he asked me to marry him.
He said he loves me.
People with money think they can buy anything.
You took the money.
What else was I gonna do?
Well, you must have been really angry.
He was willing to pay to get rid of you one day and marry you the next.
You know what?
Despite everything, I loved him.
I didn't kill him.
Why would I kill the father of my baby?
Okay you can eliminate
Sam's girlfriend Erica Lancaster from the suspect list.
She's innocent.
Change of heart?
No, just followed the evidence.
Here.
A little demonstration.
I love it when she does this.
Okay.
The heaviest concentrations of dynamite were here and here.
So, if you tie a conventional knot... then tighten the knot, that's where the transfer happened.
So Erica Lancaster applied the patch and then tugged on Sam McFarland's tie that morning.
So it was an act of affection and not violence that led to the transfer of the dynamite onto the shirt and the tie.
Okay, so Erica didn't strangle him, and we can't connect her to the crime scene.
That leaves us with Dori Richards the pregnant stripper.
or anyone else who might have been on the bridge that night.
Let's see what or who we can find.
I pulled prints off the money we found on our vic.
They belong to Margo Demme, our vic's best friend.
It matched the elimination sample she gave us.
Her prints are all over these bills.
She was the client that Clarence was bodyguarding.
And if she was in the apartment,
I'm thinking Clarence was there, too.
And Mr. Body Shot.
Right. 
Andthat would account for the unknown male and female DNA samples we pulled off the salt rimmer.
That means they were all there when Vanessa died.
Three against one.
It wasn't a fair fight.
It is now.
Okay, these are the last of the crime scene photos from the Brooklyn Bridge.
Nothing here out of the ordinary.
Let's check the overall photos.
There's an extra light on in this photo here.
Right.
Twelfth floor, corner office.
And according to the case file, that's Sam McFarland's office.
He was dead at the time these photos were taken, so who was in his office?
Cleaning crew?
Building security said the crew finished just after 10:00.
These photos were taken much later than that.
They're in consecutive order.
That light is off here, on here, off again here.
Right. 
And 40 seconds passed between the time that the light went on and off again.
Whoever entered that office was there for a reason.
What's that?
The only thing left in the shredder.
Definitely after the cleaning crew left.
What?
?
I'm going to marry Dori.
What is this?
It's the $40,000 you gave me to pay Dori to forget me.
You are making such a mistake, Sam.
You date my daughter while you're having an affair with a stripper?
You get her pregnant?
I give you a way out, and you go running back to her?
Do you think I am going to tolerate that?
This isn't about you.
Tonight I'm going to be right down there doing what I should have months ago.
You paid her more money, didn't you?
No, I didn't pay her more money.
Maybe she just realizes what you can't seem to.
That you two don't belong together.
Marry Erica.
Start a real family.
Nobody embarrasses me, my daughter, my family.
I'm sure this is a very proud moment for all of them.
You didn't just show up and discover the body in the morning, you were there all night.
After Prowl, Vanessa took the party back to her place.
You...
Clarence Rome and Margo Demme.
There the four of you started making margaritas,
Mexican body shots, then it went south for real.
That's your DNA at the crime scene.
Margo wanted a chance to win her money back.
It started off as a joke.
We didn't think they'd really go at it.
But they did.
It just got out of hand.
She hit you pretty good.
That's when the gloves came off?
That when you hit her back?
Harder and harder.
We can match your fists to the bruises all over Vanessa's face.
Vanessa never liked me.
Deep down inside, she hated my guts.
I was never rich enough.
Beautiful enough.
When we hung out, she acted like she was slumming.
So you took this opportunity to let her know how you felt?
If it was an accident, why didn't you report it?
I have a record.
I'm a bodyguard.
My job was to protect her.
Who'd hire me knowing I failed?
Vanessa and I competed over everything... boys... toys... celebrity status.
No one would have believed it was an accident.
I do.
Only it doesn't matter now.
Get up.
I just finished my last autopsy, and I was thinking maybe I could buy you dinner.
Um, dinner.
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
What?
You've got that look.
It's the same look you had the other night on the Brooklyn Bridge
surprise.
Wasn't surprise, it was...
I knew, uh, we'd eventually work the same crime scene together.
It's just having a relationship with someone I work with is not something I'm used to and the moment on the bridge was a little surprising.
Mac,
I know that you are a very private man.
But we're both professional people who can do our jobs unaffected by what happens after hours.
Don't you think so?
Yeah...
I think so.

1.567 makes it 8 degrees.
Man: 
Altair, Alpha Centauri, Sirius.
Leo: 
Matt Shepherd?
It's just a party, and he asked me.
He's really nice.
Yeah, to you, maybe.
You guys getting some good work done over here?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah, sounds like it.
What's the bright one?
Uh...
Mizar.
It's a double star.
Good.
The one next to it?
Uh...
Alcor.
Good, Biederman, and the one next to that?
Uh...
I don't know.
It's Megrez.
I don't think so.
Well, you just said you didn't know.
Well, it's not Megrez.
It's something else.
Look.
It's south about 10 degrees.
It's probably a satellite.
Let's take another picture.
We'll send it to Dr Wolf.
Yes, sir.
It's Megrez.
Not Megrez.
It is.
It's not.
It is.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Well, hello there, little fella.
Do I know you?
Where are you going in such a hurry?
And there.
Come on.
Damn it!
Biederman.
Come on, you miserable piece of crap.
Randy Travis On Radio:
* Still on the bottom *
* And he can't dig out of the hole *
Come on, come on.
* You're winning now *
* Driving his future *
* Right into... *
Recording: 
You have reached the Department of Planetary Sciences.
* The further he goes... *
If you know the extension of the person you're calling...
* Bottom, but he can't-- *
Ow, Jesus!
press that number now.
Damn it!
This is relating to the recall of American troops from abroad.
Tragedy struck today as a charter aircraft carrying an army unit returning from duty in Japan crashed this morning...
Stuart Caley:
White House Press Office says Secretary of the Treasury Rittenhouse is resigning because his wife is sick.
So who passed Rittenhouse the hemlock?
AFL/CIO wanted him offthe Council of Economic Advisors for not supporting the pension bill, and the president's going to need labour next fall.
And State's still fuming about the trade office screw-up at the G-8.
Pentagon is unhappy with his readiness reduction proposals.
Beth: 
Greenspan dislikes him.
Christ, who didn't this guy piss off?
No wonder the wife's sick.
Jenny Lerner: 
She's not sick, she's a drunk.
How do you know that?
Mike Woodward over at Treasury.
Mrs Rittenhouse started drinking a couple of years ago when her husband had a series of affairs.
Stepped it up last summer after their son died of leukaemia.
You want to do something on the price that wives pay?
Mike Woodward?
Wife, 3 kids?
He's been after me for months.
So I threw him a breakfast and hit him up about Rittenhouse.
Bob Campbell's leaving, so midnight Saturday anchor shift is opening up.
Why would I want to give up the White House for a graveyard weekend--
No, no, no, not for you, for me.
No.
Beth.
We'll talk about this later.
Very calm. 
The president will be back from Camp David tomorrow.
Business news, Ira.
Just keep working on Rittenhouse.
Maybe Mike's available for dinner.
Do the usual research, background information.
OK, that's it.
Beth, wait.
Listen, Beth, what if it wasn't permanent?
Oh, God, Jenny, please.
Honey, this is how it works.
You've done 2 years of research.
Now do 3 as a segment producer.
5 on air doing domestic features, another 2 in some cholera-ridden hell hole.
And then I'll quit if they don't give you a weekend anchor shot.
Hello, Caitlin.
There you are.
Are you protecting me or just holding me back?
- Yes.
- OK.
Rittenhouse tape and text on my desk by 4:00 tomorrow, and we'll drop in the reverses for the 5.
OK.
At this moment right now-- thank you--
The pretty little girls are walking down the aisle.
They're spreading flowers.
The twins.
What are their names?
Emma and Susanna.
They're walking down the aisles, and they're dropping rose petals, and everyone's smiling at them, and now she's walking down the aisle.
Yes, and she stands beside him.
And the priest says, "Dearly beloved--"
Judge.
The judge says, "Blah, blah, blah.
Sickness and health, blah, blah, blah.
Do you,Jason Lerner, take Chlorine Whatchamacallit?"
Mom, Chloe.
What did I say?
You said "Chlorine."
Her name's Chloe.
Oh.
Well, it's still a terrible name.
Jason says, "Lie, lie, lie, till death do us part, blah, blah, blah,"
and she says yes, and he says yes, and it's kissy, kissy, kissy, and congratulations.
Jenny, you now have a new stepmother who is 2 years older than you.
The check.
Well, anyway, as much as I'd like to stay here and get silly with you, Mom,
I can't.
I gotta go.
I know, I know, I know.
I'm sorry about this.
We'll get over it.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Be good.
I was with the secretary since he's been governor of Connecticut.
I came to Washington with him.
I moved here because I was dedicated to his career.
I trusted the man... and then he fucked me.
He what?
No, I didn't have sex with him.
I should say / didn't have sex with him, but somebody sure did.
It was about to come out, so he resigned.
But because I was hired from outside the government pool,
I don't get conveyed to the next secretary, so now I'm out a job...
Because he couldn't keep his hands off women.
Do you have proof?
He thinks he was being so clever.
He had a private phone line installed in his office.
Nobody else could answer it.
I picked it up once.
Said hello, and it's nobody home.
It rings, he shuts the door.
Why not hang a sign?
Do you have a name?
This is what I get for talking to the press.
I'm selling my soul right now.
I can feel it.
I can feel it.
I name a name and get someone into trouble.
So you do have a name.
Just a first name.
Oh, my God.
I'm going to say it.
Ellie.
Ellie. 
Nothing else?
I think the president knows about it, too.
Overheard the secretary talking to him about her.
Isn't Washington sick?
Hi.
How you doing?
Can I help you?
Well, actually, we're looking for your mom.
Is she around?
My mom's sick.
She's not here.
Gosh, I love boats.
Are you going on a trip?
Yeah.
That's exciting. 
Looks like a long trip, huh?
So, listen, do you know where you're going?
Rittenhouse: 
She's going back to the house.
Hey, you want to stop that?
Lily, please.
Lily, that's a pretty name.
Lily.
Do as I say.
Go on.
If we could just get a minute of your time.
What do you want from me?
We'd like to talk about your resignation.
My wife is sick.
She's in the hospital.
That's why I resigned.
Everybody knows this.
We could talk about your wife, or we could just talk about Ellie.
Turn the camera off.
If you want to talk to me, turn it off.
We know everything.
Nobody knows everything.
Well, we know about the secret phone lines and the whispered calls to the president and about a secretary of the Treasury who's kept his entire department in the dark about what he's really doing-- about a cover story about his resignation
that just fell through.
You want me to go on?
And you're just gonna break it?
Well, that's what we do for a living.
Well, congratulations.
You now have the biggest story in history.
Good luck to you.
Personally...
I think it's a mistake to run the story, but hey, what the hell?
Why not?
What difference does anything make any more?
Look.
I know you'rejust a reporter, but you used to be a person, right?
I wanted to be with my family.
Can you understand that?
OK, Secretary of the Treasury Alan Rittenhouse resigns because of a mistress named Ellie.
The biggest story in history?
What an ego.
Now, if it was the president--
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
The president has a mistress named Ellie, and Rittenhouse pretends that he's having the affair and takes the fall and resigns, and the president buys him a yacht?
Son of a bitch.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Right! 
OK, OK!
Oh, God. 
Oh, God.
FBI. 
If you would, please, ma'am.
What do I do with my car?
We'll take care of your car.
Just step back to my car.
Get her car here.
Let's go.
Would you come this way please?
Morton Entrekin, Ms Lerner.
I'm expected back at MSNBC at 6:00.
I think I should be there.
People knew about the Manhattan Project, you know, and they kept it a secret.
That was just the creation of the atom bomb.
Hmm.
Ms Lerner, Tom Beck.
I understand you've come into some information.
Ms Lerner was just expressing her lack of enthusiasm for matters of national security where journalistic competitiveness is at stake.
Mr President, I'm not interested in using Ellie to further my career.
What do you know about E.L.E.?
I know you should have picked a better cover story than a sick wife.
See?
What did I tell you?
We'd always thought the deadline for going public was the publication of the budget, since we've spent more money than we can hide.
The budget comes out in 2 weeks.
I don't suppose I could convince you to sit on this for 2 weeks.
No such thing as 2 weeks in the news business.
And I can't appeal to your sense of what's in the nation's best interest?
I always thought the truth was in the nation's best interest.
Entrekin:
You want to hold her?
What if we go public in 48 hours?
Now that's doable, isn't it?
Entrekin: 
That would be very difficult, Mr President.
Morton, if she knows, how long can it be before CNN or the Post breaks the story?
This was never gonna be a secret as long as you wanted it to be.
Give us 2 days, Ms Lerner.
You'll get second row, centre, at the White House press conference.
Now, from what I know of your career, that's a promotion.
I want exclusivity.
Now, listen, young lady.
This is a presidential favour.
I'm letting you go because I don't want another headache.
And I'm trusting you because I know what this can do for your career.
It might seem that we have each other over the same barrel, Ms Lerner, but it just seems that way.
I want--
Want?
May I...
May I have the first question?
We'll see you Tuesday, Ms Lerner.
Come on, come on.
E.L.E., E.L.E.
Paleontology?
Paleontology?
What's paleontology have to do with anything?
Come on.
Beth: 
Hey.
Hey.
Look who's working late.
How's Rittenhouse going?
No sign of the wife yet.
Is she missing?
No. 
We're still working on it.
We'll get there.
I know, it's a dull story.
Next time we'll get you something more exciting.
Great.
Are you OK?
Yeah.
Want to come to dinner with us?
I can't.
I have plans.
OK. 
We'll see you tomorrow.
Jenny: 
Thank you.
Ah, here she is.
Jenny.
Hello.
Hi, Chloe.
Waiter: 
Would you like some champagne, miss?
Martini...big.
I missed you.
I mean we missed you yesterday.
I must say, I'm...
I'm disturbed that you didn't come to our wedding.
Jason, you promised.
I know I promised, but it was a beautiful event, and I missed her.
You should have been there.
The twins, they were running around like mad and throwing flowers.
It was wonderful, especially Emma.
You know, the little one.
She loves you.
It was beautiful.
She missed you, too.
All right.
This is from us for you.
Are you not going to open it?
I knew she wouldn't...
You can exchange them if you don't like them.
Jenny, I know this is hard.
I just want you to be happy.
Happy.
Well,
I would like to propose a toast to happiness and to--
Mmm.
Mmm.
Are we going to have an evening or not?
Jenny, I know that you hate me.
I know that you have terrible things that you want to say to me.
You have to get over it.
Life goes on.
Jenny: 
Life goes on? 
OK.
What's so funny?
Life...
We'll see.
What's so funny about "life goes on"?
Life going on?
I don't think it's funny that life goes on.
Dad, you need to get back together with Mom.
She's all alone in the world, and she needs you right now.
OK?
Jenny.
I just got married.
I know, and I'm sorry.
Chloe, this has nothing to do with you.
Jason: 
Well, it has to do something for me, for Christ's sake.
This is insane.
I have to apologize for my daughter.
It's not your fault.
I'm sorry.
I have to go.
I know you think I'm a bad person.
I'm really not.
And I don't hate you.
I just--I gotta go.
'Cause for her, it doesn't-- Excuse me.
Jenny. 
Hey.
What are you doing here?
Uh, yeah.
Did Stuart send you here without telling me?
No.
If Stuart thinks he can push me out of the White House--
Ms Lerner.
Hi, Beth.
Right this way.
I've got you right down here.
Excuse me, please.
OK.
He'll find you for the first question.
Then you're on your own.
Hey, how are you?
Press Secretary:
Ladies and gentlemen.
Ladies and gentlemen, please.
The president will begin by addressing the nation.
Please hold your questions until he's finished his remarks.
Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.
Hello, everybody.
- Mr President.
- Hello.
Man: 10 seconds, Mr President.
5, 4.
Good evening.
A few minutes ago the United States ambassadors to every country in the world told the leaders of those nations what I am about to tell you.
It's a bit complicated, so it will take some time, so I hope you will bear with me, hear what I have to say.
A little over a year ago, 2 American astronomers, Marcus Wolfand Leo Biederman, working on a mountain top in Arizona...
Shh.
Nobody say anything.
saw something in the night sky that caused them great concern.
A comet.
But the comet was, well...
There was a remote possibility that the comet was on a path that could bring it into direct contact with the Earth.
Now... we get hit all the time by rocks and meteors, some of them the size of cars, some no bigger than your hand.
But the comet we discovered is the size of New York City.
From the north side of Central Park to the Battery.
About 7 miles long.
Put another way, this comet is larger than Mount Everest.
It weighs 500 billion tons.
Now, chances are...
Astrophysicists, geologists and climatologists.
Where the hell is Science?
Check with Tokyo, Tel Aviv.
I want everybody.
The Hale-Bopp stand-ups.
Graphics!
I need graphics!
President Beck: 
Comets begin far out in space.
They're what's left over from the creation of the solar system after the planets were formed billions of years ago.
These chunks of space debris are in an elongated orbit around our sun, but every now and then one of them gets bumped like a billiard ball on a pool table and is knocked into a different orbit.
If this comet continues on its path around the sun and keeps its present course, sometime on August 16, roughly a year from now, there's a chance that we might have impact.
So for the past 8 months, the United States and Russia have been building the largest spaceship ever constructed.
It's being built in orbit around the Earth.
And we call it the Messiah.
Right now a team of American astronauts and one Russian are at Cape Canaveral in Florida.
In 2 months, they will leave on the shuttle Atlantis to board the Messiah.
This is the crew that will stop the comet.
I'd like the world to meet some extraordinary people.
First is Mission Commander Oren Monash.
Commander, would you introduce us to your team?
I'd be honoured, sir.
Pilot Andrea Baker.
Medical Officer
Gus Partenza.
From Russia, nuclear specialist
Colonel Mikhail Tulchinsky.
Navigator Mark Simon and Rendezvous Pilot Spurgeon Tanner.
Hello, Mr President.
Captain Tanner, you flew 6 shuttle missions.
You were the last man to walk on the moon, weren't you?
Yes, sir, but Oren here will be doing most of the flying on this one.
I'll just be taking us down to the comet's surface.
Well, it's good to know we're going to have your kind of experience up there, Captain.
Tanner:
thank you, sir.
Godspeed to you all.
We're counting on you.
thank you, sir.
Got Beijing, Rome, Sao Paulo, Cairo, Berlin!
Does anyone know how big the one was that killed all the dinosaurs?
Something majestic, mysterious, with a fanfare for the intro and a theme for the longer promos.
You want it hitting the goddam Earth?
Well, that's what he's saying.
Bring that up again.
It'll scare the shit out of them.
Beck: 
We will not tolerate any disruption ofour way of life.
Our society will continue as normal.
Work will go on.
You will pay your bills.
There will be no hoarding.
There will be no sudden profiteering.
I'm freezing all wages, all prices.
What a bottle of water cost you yesterday... it will cost you tomorrow.
Now we'll take a few questions.
Reporters: 
Mr President!
Ms Lerner.
Ahem.
Ahem. 
Uh,Jenny Lerner, M--MSNBC.
Jenny Lerner?
Son of a bitch.
Um, Mr President, why wasn't this announcement made sooner?
Well, until we knew we could build the rocket and the comet could be intercepted, we saw no reason to alarm the planet.
- Sir!
- Mr President!
Do you have another question, Ms Lerner?
Yeah. 
Um...
Is--Is there a connection between the comet and the recall of American troops from abroad?
Beck: 
Our fighting men and women are coming home because we felt it prudent, in light of domestic security concerns, to have them available.
Although I certainly hope we don't need to use them.
Next question.
Reporters: 
Mr President!
Actually, Mr President, if--just one final question, sir. 
Um...
MSNBC has learned that Secretary Rittenhouse did not leave for the reasons announced by your administration.
In fact, isn't it true, sir, that not everyone in your administration is convinced that the Messiah will save us?
Secretary Rittenhouse served his country with full devotion.
He resigned for personal reasons.
Now, I can promise you this, Ms Lerner, all of you, everyone in this room and everyone listening to my voice, that at some point over the next 10 months, all of us will entertain our worst fears and concerns.
But I can also promise you this.
Life will go on.
We will prevail.
Mr President!
Please!
Beck: 
Sally.
Sir, what is the comet's name?
The 2 scientists who found the comet were killed in a car crash while racing from their observatory to alert the world.
So we named it for them.
Wolf-Biederman.
Leo Biederman, they said it again.
Shh!
Leo, is he talking about you?
He is, isn't he?
Can you get that, please?
Janie, get the door.
Beck: 
Well, we have the technology to build the ship.
They have the technology to make it go.
There's someone at the door for you, Leo.
Newscaster: 
You've been watching live coverage of President Tom Beck...
I can't believe this.
This is so weird.
Dr Wolf from Astronomy Club?
Yeah, I guess so.
I think it's really neat.
Nobody on our block discovered the world was gonna end before.
Dan: 
He's still very much alive.
He's still alive, everyone.
He's right here, and he's still alive.
OK?
Child:
Hey, Leo, cool!
Leo: 
As far as we know, what happened was that Doctor Wolf saw the comet in my photograph, so he shared the discovery with me, and then he was killed in that crash and everything got mixed up in Washington,
so the president thought I was dead, too.
- Leo!
- Leo!
Jasmine.
How does it feel having your name on it?
I don't want anyone to think that I'm trying to take something away from Dr Wolf, because I'm not, but it's kind of cool.
- Leo!
- Leo!
Jason.
You know, you're gonna have sex a lot more now than anyone else in our class.
Don't listen. 
Don't.
Really?
thank you for your sexual insight, Mr Thurman.
You can sit down now.
Famous people always get sex, Mr Perry.
That's the main reason it's good to be famous.
Fruit--a reactor, bottle--a rocket, OK?
A nuclear reactor in space?
Yes.
Isn't that dangerous?
No, no, no. 
This is all Russian design.
Russian science.
Uh, the same people who designed Chernobyl.
Chernobyl?
Chernobyl almost worked.
[Song Playing ln Background] * Fly me to the moon *
So what happens after you plant the bomb?
Well, we have 7 hours.
We're gonna put the bombs inside the comet.
I'm gonna follow these two.
I don't trust that combination.
After 7 hours, the 14-hour rotational cycle of the comet spins.
We're gonna get married.
God knows I want to marry you, but the day I get back, the last thing I'm gonna do is step inside of a church.
I don't do churches well.
'Cause there's only 7 hours of darkness.
Then the sun starts hitting the surface of the planet...
These are your orders.
Upon first entering Earth's atmosphere, proceed immediately up the exterior of the mother ship.
When the sun hits the surface, there's gonna be explosive outgassings that are very dangerous--
Gus, he's 7.
Brittany.
You boys were, what, 4 and 6 when I went to the moon?
Yeah.
Now, you saw me go into space 7 times, didn't ya?
I came back every time, didn't I?
Yeah.
Your mother and I used to play a game when she was still alive.
Now, the game was, if there was a chance I might not be coming back, she wouldn't say it, and I wouldn't say it.
OK?
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
Otis Hefter:
Hey, Fish.
How about a beer?
You remember my boys, don't you?
Steve and Dwight.
Of course I do.
Gentlemen, welcome to Houston.
Let me steal your old man for a second.
Can I take your picture, please?
OK.
thank you.
So, what do you think of the crew?
Heroes all.
That's the finest group I ever had the privilege of working with.
Yeah, yeah.
Off the record, huh?
Well, they've been trained in ways I'll never understand.
They're smarter and in better shape than we ever were in the old days.
They're sober, serious.
I guess I'd be a little happier about this whole thing if I thought that any of them were as scared as I am.
Well, they're not scared of dyin'.
They're just scared of looking bad on TV.
Now, look, I wish I'd been to the moon.
I got respect for everybody who's gone to the moon, but this mission ain't going to the moon.
That's right.
Frank Gifford, he was a great football player in his time, but if he played now, he'd get his ass busted.
Simon: 
That's right.
All I'm saying is, the moon did not have a rotational cycle of 14 hours.
I mean, we only have 7 hours ofdark when the sun's not up to land on this thing.
It was light when he landed.
This is gonna be dark.
We're not gonna be able to see.
You can't see now, Gus.
Tulchinsky: 
Don't worry, don't worry, don't worry.
We what?
We can do it.
No, no, no. 
Sit down.
I woke up this morning, and I realized... none of you want me here.
You don't even really know who I am, which is OK.
I walked on the moon, but I didn't belong to you.
I belonged to your daddies.
Now, if I ask you to ask your daddies what I meant to them, to explain to you what I'm doing here, that's only gonna make things worse.
So...what do we do?
You haven't trained for this mission.
We respect you.
I appreciate that.
But you're here...you're here because the powers that be think we need a familiar face on this trip.
You're here for public relations.
No, no. 
I'm here because the powers that be know that I'm the only person on this mission who's ever landed on the moon.
And I have 500 landings on aircraft carriers.
We've trained on--
On flight simulators.
Right?
I mean, this is not a video game, son.
It really isn't.
It really isn't. 
No.
NASA Announcer: 
We are go for auto-sequence start.
Atlantis' 4 on-board computers now have primary control of all the vehicle's critical functions.
Hefter:
OK, all flight controllers, we're at T-minus 30 seconds and counting.
Let's take a close look.
APUs look good,
LOX and LH2 are pressurized.
Announcer: 1 0, 9...
Assistant Flight Director:
We're go for auto-sequence.
Hefter: 
Roger,Jerry.
Good luck and Godspeed, Atlantis.
Monash: 
Thanks, Mitch.
Announcer: 3, 2, 1.
Anchorman: 
Propelled by 500,000 pounds of liquid fuel, the shuttle crew heads toward their initial destination.
When the crew enters the Messiah, they will find a payload of 8 nuclear devices that will eventually be used to blow up the comet.
The Messiah itself will be powered by an experimental nuclear propulsion system that was originally created for a very different purpose.
That programme was called Orion.
Now, with the help of Russian engineers, a technology designed to propel weapons of mass destruction will power the ship that will intercept the greatest threat our planet has ever faced.
Tulchinsky:
Orion burn... in 10, 9, 8, 7,
6, 5, 4, 3,
2, 1 , 0.
OK, Beth, White House reactions.
Marianne, the whole world watching.
We have enough satellite space?
78 uplinks.
Tim, Mission Control in Houston.
Ira, the science guys lined up?
If they got a Ph.D., we own them.
All right, this is the most important story of our lives.
Let's not muck it up.
Stuart, what about me?
- You're on the anchor desk.
- Whoa!
And you could have been there a lot sooner.
What are you talking about?
You know what I'm talking about.
Don't ever hold back a story from me again.
Hefter: 
Messiah, Houston.
Transfer trajectory is go.
We'll cancel MCC-1 .
You're go to configure for coast.
Roger, Houston, we're looking good here.
Jesus, that's big.
Holy shit.
Partenza: 
Wow.
Sweet mother of God.
Assistant Flight Director:
All circuit breakers are open.
Master arm is off.
Monash: 
Roger.
And the detonator system is safe.
Hefter: 
Messiah, Houston.
Stand by for an uplink of the final mole coordinates.
Confirm when complete.
Monash: 
Wilco, Houston.
Hey, how's it comin'?
Baker: 
Loading first nuke now.
Baker: 1,000 feet to stand-off.
R-dot 3, 5-X, 2-Y.
500 feet,
R-dot point 3...3-X, 1 point 5-Y.
Go for auto trajectory.
We're there.
Monash:
Residuals are nulled.
Baker:
Disengage Orion.
Orion disengaged.
You're on bi-prop.
Announcer: 
This is a special presentation of MSNBC News with Jenny Lerner.
Good evening.
Sometime in the next hour, the Messiah mission will enter its most critical phase:
the interception of Wolf-Biederman and the setting of the nuclear devices that will deflect it off its collision course with Earth.
But first, Captain Spurgeon Tanner will have to guide the spacecraft through the blizzard of rocks, sand, and ice that make up the comet's tail, or coma.
The crew will have to complete its work before the sun rises.
Sublimator looks good, Mick.
Tanner, Over lntercom:
Disengaging auto now.
I'm eyeballs out from here on in.
How come that doesn't make me feel any better?
Tanner: 
I heard that.
Lights on.
Cameras on.
Tanner: 
On the Mississippi River in Mark Twain's time, there were riverboat pilots who only knew a few miles of the river.
I mean, conditions changed so much, you couldn't know the whole trip.
Floods, sandbars, fallen logs--
It was all a riverboat pilot could do was to know his little piece of the puzzle.
So for the next few hours, this is my ship.
We start our approach.
Jenny:
...are images from cameras mounted inside the cargo bay of the Messiah.
Now, these images are delayed by approximately 20 seconds, due to the distance they must travel.
OK, you can see that the image is breaking up a bit.
Uh, Houston is prepared for this.
They've informed us that due to the uncertain make-up of the comet's coma, they're unsure whether or not transmission will be possible.
OK, now, now, it ap-appears we're losing reception here.
OK, we've--we've lost picture now.
But we will stay on the air.
We'll stay with you through all of this.
Baker, Over lntercom:
Prop 96%.
Dap is in descent.
Tanner, Over lntercom:
Roger, descent.
Oh, my God.
Baker: 
Look at these.
They're the size of houses.
Yeah, I know.
I see.
Jesus Christ.
Baker: 
Prop, 88%.
Baker: 
Cabin press, 5.7.
Negative guidance errors.
Whoa!
Tanner: 
Use your primary thrusters.
Baker: 
Primary thrusters.
What's the descent rate?
3 feet per second. 2.
Fire tether pitons.
Pitons fired.
She's levelling out.
Baker:
Depressurizing bay.
Tanner: 
Opening payload doors.
Don't let that little bit of gravity down there go to your heads.
OK.
Start the clock.
Jenny: 
I fall is going according to schedule, the astronauts should now be placing the moles on the comet surface.
The moles are, well, they're what they sound like.
They are drilling machines that burrow to a depth of 100 metres, where they wait to be detonated.
Each one carries a 5,000 kiloton warhead.
How's our time?
It's getting tight.
1:36:30.
It's taking too long.
Yup.
What happens if they do not get off the comet's surface in time?
The sun striking the comet will cause the temperature to rise 350 degrees in just a few minutes and activate the high-speed gasjets.
Well, if that happens, it will be like trying to work in a minefield.
Tanner: 
Mark, what's your mole 4 readout?
Simon: 
Mole 4 running true at 75 feet.
Son of a bitch.
Simon: 
What?
It's stuck.
Try backing it up.
Baker: 
What's your depth?
75 feet.
Is that enough?
No. 
That'll just break pieces off the surface.
That's not deep enough.
Yeah, Fish, I know that's not deep enough.
I'm going in.
Simon: 
Oren, no.
Monash: 
No, I'm gonna see if I can free it up.
Stand by, tether attached.
All right, I gotcha.
Baker: 
Oren, suit pressure, 3.5.
Simon:
Come on, come on.
How's my time?
Tanner: 23:57.
Another 6 minutes, they won't have time to get back to us.
Blow the tethers.
Let's go get 'em.
If we go after them, we may not have enough fuel to get off the surface.
Blow the goddam tethers.
Mole 3 at depth.
We're heading your way, Oren.
Tanner: 
Calculate exactly how much prop we need to get off this rock.
We'll shut it down when we hit it.
Will do.
It opens up into a cave down here.
Mole got jammed against the side.
Partenza: 
OK, Fish, team 2 at location 4.
Give me your hand.
What the hell happened?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Everything was going great, and we got jammed up at 75 feet.
OK, hold up.
Monash: 
All right, try backing it up.
Roger that.
- That's it.
- A little more.
Shut it down.
No, they always put extra in these tanks.
Fish, shut it down.
OK.
Come on, you bastard!
Come on! 
Time!
1:02.
Figured we'd better pick you kids up after school.
Checkyour 6, 1 00 yards.
Partenza: 
I think we'd better hurry, boys.
All right, it's going!
It's going!
Mole's at 125 feet.
The sun's rising behind you.
It's coming up fast.
Face shields down!
Oh, Christ!
Get the hell out of there!
Aah!
Tanner: 
Oren, get your visor down.
Get your visor down!
Oh! 
My eyes!
Ohh!
Simon:
All right, we got him.
Monash: 
Oh, God!
My eyes!
Baker: 
Oh, God, we're losing one.
He's got escape velocity.
1,000 feet and climbing.
Aah!
Mark, Mikhail, get the hell out of there!
Tanner: 
Firing primary thrusters.
Payload doors still open.
Close 'em as we go.
Tanner, Over Speaker:
Houston, all moles are at depth.
Nukes hot and ready.
We lost Partenza to explosive outgassing.
And Monash is injured.
We have to go get Gus.
Tanner: 
There's no time for that.
Repressurize the cargo bay.
He's going to die out there!
We can still find him.
He has a beacon.
I don't have time to argue with you.
Just sit down and be quiet.
Turn on the fuckin' locator!
We've used most of our propellant to get us out of the coma.
We can't just leave him.
We have to go back!
If we go back for Gus, we all die.
We can't just leave him in space!
Sit down, Mick.
Sit down.
It's OK.
Jenny: 
The Messiah has safely lifted off the comet.
But sadly, Gus Partenza has been lost.
Gus Partenza, a native of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, and graduate of Carnegie-Mellon University, joined the NASA Space Programme shortly after completing his medical training at Duke University.
Dr Partenza was selected specifically for this mission, not only for his medical expertise, but also for his dedication to the advancement of space technology.
Yeah.
With the loss of Dr Gus Partenza and with Oren Monash injured,
Captain Spurgeon Tanner is now in charge of the mission.
The Messiah has successfully docked with the Orion-powered boosters and is now prepared to detonate the bombs planted on Wolf-Biederman.
The Messiah's exterior-mounted camera will show us the detonation, but not before being temporarily blocked out by the nuclear blast.
Once again, let me remind you, there is a 20-second delay, so when the picture comes back to us, the comet should already have been knocked off its present course.
Tanner: 
Prepare to remove safeties and fire.
Tulchinsky:
Safeties removed.
Weapons armed.
3, 2, 1 ...
Now.
Jenny:
So now we're just waiting for the picture to come back.
Decompression in area 6.
Simon: 
Mick!
I'll get the halon!
Aah!
Man: 
Yes.
I'm still here.
There are now 2 pieces-- one 6 miles wide, the other, a mile and a half.
Both are still on a path towards Earth.
We've lost communication with the Messiah spacecraft, although we continue to track it visually.
We don't know how many are alive.
We don't know their condition.
Now, we have to make some decisions together.
What do we do?
You have a choice.
We have a choice...
Right now.
Ever since the comet was discovered, we've been hoping and working for the best, but we've also been planning for the worst.
Our strategy has been two fold.
First, our strategic missile command is preparing to coordinate with the Russians a massive strike of Titan missiles to intercept the comets.
If we can deflect these comets enough, they will bounce harmlessly off our atmosphere and head on out into space.
Unfortunately, the Titans cannot be launched until the comets are only a few hours away.
And while we are confident the missile attack will succeed, it is only prudent that we now take cautionary steps to ensure the continuation of our way of life, to guarantee that there will be enough of us left
to rebuild a new world in the unlikely event that the comets do strike the Earth.
So, in the soft limestone of Missouri, we've been preparing a network of immense caves, and they're almost finished.
And we can put a million people in them.
And that million people can survive there, underground, for 2 years, until the air clears and the dust settles.
Now, the cave is more than a dormitory.
It's our new Noah's Ark.
We're storing seeds and seedlings, plants, animals, enough to start over.
On August 10th, a computer will randomly select 800,000 Americans to join the 200,000 scientists, doctors, engineers, teachers, soldiers, and artists, who have already been chosen.
Other countries are preparing similar caves along whatever lines they feel are best to preserve their way of life.
This is ours.
Beginning tonight and continuing until the crisis passes,
I am declaring a state of martial law.
The armed forces and the National Guard are working with local law enforcement.
A national curfew begins at midnight tonight.
Now, wherever you are, go home.
Stay offthe roads after sunset.
Crimes against persons or property will be dealt with swiftly and harshly.
News stations around the nation are being faxed copies of the lottery procedure as we speak, and they'll be broadcasting the details to you in a few moments.
I wish...
No.
Wishing is wrong.
It's the wrong word right now.
That's not what I mean.
What I mean is...
I believe in God.
Relax.
I know a lot of you don't, but I still want to offer a prayer... for our survival.
Mine included.
Because I believe that God, whom ever you hold that to be, hears all prayers, even if sometimes the answer is no.
So, may the Lord bless you.
May the Lord keep you.
May the Lord lift up His divine countenance upon you... and give you peace.
Woman:
And in 5, 4, 3, 2...
We now have the details for the national lottery.
"Those of you who have been preselected will be notified within the next few minutes.
For the rest, on the night of August 10th, those whose social security numbers have been randomly selected by computer will be notified.
While some Americans...
over 50 years of age have been preselected for the ARK due to their expertise in a necessary field of study, no men and women over 50 in the general population will be included in the lottery.
The...
The evac--The evacuation of those who have been selected for the ARK will take no longer than 2 days, beginning on August 12th.
During this 2-day period, no unofficial travel will be permitted.
Those selected will be taken by bus and train to the underground ARK site by military personnel.
Civil defence teams have been formed in every town with a population over 5,000.
They will distribute supplies and organize group shelters in underground parking facilities and other appropriate sites.
Construction plans..."
"Equipment lists, and locations for securing the necessary provisions..."
Ellen: 
Hello?
Yes, this is Ellen Biederman.
Jenny: "...on how to grow your own food underground and how to purify water
We've been preselected.
Jenny: "...fcda.gov."
Chuck? 
Chuck?
Where are you going?
Our phone.
They could be calling.
Jenny:
"...beginning on August 9th.
The only phones that ring will be those of the people selected."
That's it.
That's all there is.
Tanner: 
The interior camera circuitry is shot.
So, Andy, can we get back into the cargo bay to reroute the video functions?
Baker: 
Starboard cargo porthole's blown.
We could go in with the EVAs, but there's not much left in the life-support packs.
Simon: 
We should be able to raise Houston on the low band once we get closer.
And the Orion is still functioning?
System check was OK, but I don't know about the radiation shielding.
So, if we fire it up, we beat the comet back to Earth, but we may end up glowing in the dark. 
Right?
Tanner, Laughing:
OK, so, uh...
Anybody?
Let's go home.
OK.
Robin: 
I have to say it's liberating knowing that I'm not going to be called.
I don't think I've ever been happier.
I've even stopped smoking.
What are you gonna do with all that extra money you save?
Do you know the National Gallery is saving all of the art?
They're shipping it to the caves.
I've given them my beautiful 18th-century desk from New England and all the Sheraton silver.
I really feel like I'd protected something when I gave them.
You should see my apartment.
There's nothing there.
It's practically Japanese.
Seems kind of unfair that I got picked.
You know, I'm not a doctor or a scientist.
People need continuity.
Everyone knows you.
And they trust you.
But I...can't help you.
Don't worry about me.
I'm gonna be happy as long as I know you're going to live.
Mr Hotchner?
Who did I think I was going to be when I bought that bike?
Well, every kid on the block wants one now.
Every parent on the block hates you for it.
That's the best news I've had in years.
Um, sir?
Could you give me a hand over here for a second?
Yes, sir.
I just want to get these bars up.
Hi, Mrs Hotchner.
Jenny On TV: 
A mob attacked and killed a Miami rental yard operator who was charging $5,000 an hour for backhoe and tractor rentals.
Marines intervened to stop the violence.
Mrs Hotchner?
Sarah's on the hill.
thank you.
Where were you today?
I've been looking all over for you.
Why weren't you at school?
My dad said I didn't have to go.
He said there's no point.
I talked to Civil Defence.
They said if you and I got married we'd be family, and I could get you in.
What about my parents?
They're not your family.
I don't want to go without my parents.
You don't have to. 
I'm the famous Leo Biederman, and I haven't used my fame for anything, but I got them to let your family go, too.
You--This is your only chance to survive.
Jenny: 
Across the country, looters continue to set fire to abandoned stores.
The fires have been left to burn since many firefighters have been called to help prepare shelters.
Throughout Latin America's major cities, business districts have been abandoned to looting gangs...
Airlifts have been ruled out as too dangerous.
More street fighting in Moscow as food and fuel shortages continue.
Priest: 
Believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
When I was a child, I spoke like a child,
I thought like a child,
I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.
Now I know in part, then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood.
Do you, Leo, take Sarah to be your wife... to have and to hold from this day forward... for better, for worse... for richer, for poorer... to love and to cherish?
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Here, let me help you.
I'll get it.
Yeah.
How you feeling?
All right.
I want to tell you something.
You children didn't bring any real books to read, did you know that?
I brought MobyDick and Huckleberry Finn and Baker and Simon had never read them.
Now, I'm afraid to ask you, have you ever read Melville or Twain?
Hmm?
Hey, I'm a child of the movies, Fish.
OK, I see.
So...
You got a shitty deal, Oren, you know that?
You really did.
Don't worry about me.
Yeah.
I mean that. 
Really.
Don't worry about me.
My whole life I...
You know how it is for guys like us.
You--You and I, we're the same.
What do you mean by that?
Gotta be the best.
Oh, I see.
Be...the best.
Sometimes I see flashes of light...
You know, like...colours.
Yeah.
I fall asleep... and I dream.
But there's a part of me that's always awake.
And I can see myself dreaming.
I'm seeing things differently, Fish.
Well, that's good.
Fish... why the hell do they call you "Fish"?
Well, I...
Spurgeon, sturgeon, fish.
Took about 15 minutes of my first day at the Naval Academy.
Yeah.
Your kids go there?
Yeah, they did.
They did.
And they're good men, both of them.
I don't see as much of them as I used to when Mary was alive.
You don't have to talk about it. 
It's OK.
No, it's OK. 
It's OK.
You're a married man.
You know what it's like.
Every marriage has its good years and bad years.
We ended on a great year.
Yeah.
Anyway, let's get started.
Moby Dick.
Chapter one.
"Call me Ishmael.
Several years ago, never mind how long precisely, having little or no money in my purse grim about the mouth...
Whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul, whenever I find myself knocking people's hats off, then I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can."
Listen up!
Hold it right there!
- Biederman?
- That's us.
IDs, please.
Yeah. 
Got them right here.
There's 4 of us.
Lieutenant: 
Lewis?
This is my wife Sarah.
We have a marriage licence.
Um, I have it right here.
OK.
All right. 
Let's go.
Let's move it out!
Mom? 
Sir? 
My parents are coming, too.
Wait! 
The Hotchners.
H-O-T-C--
H-N-E-R.
It's not here.
It has to be there.
FCDA sent their names to the White House.
They're not there.
Check the list again.
Ellen:
They must be there.
Dan: 
Give me your bag, sweetie.
They're not on the list.
I'm sorry.
Let's go!
Sir! 
Could you check it one more time?
I put you on the list.
They said you're on the list.
I put them on the list!
We're not on the list.
Lieutenant: 
I need the Biedermans on the bus now.
- What?
- I want to stay.
No, no, no, no!
I need to stay with you!
Sarah! 
Sarah, you need to go.
No. 
I have to stay with you.
I'm not going anywhere without you!
Honey, get on the bus!
Young lady, this bus is moving out.
Dan: 
On the bus!
Get on the bus!
Chuck, we'll work it out when we get there.
Jenny? 
There's a phone call for you.
Yes?
This is she.
Is Robin Lerner my mother?
When?
Uh, 61 .
I'll come down there then.
thank you.
thank you very much.
Jenny, do you want us to do something?
You're too late. 
I already took care of everything.
Come. 
Inside the car.
You're getting sick. 
Please.
I want to talk to you.
Please, come.
I don't give a shit.
Go home and tell it to Chloe.
I can't.
She left me.
She's with her mother.
They both got scared.
Come. 
I want to talk to you.
I need you.
How does it feel?
I feel like an orphan.
Jenny!
Jenny!
Stop.
Welcome to the ARK. 
I'm section leader for Orange 254.
That's where you'll be calling home the next 2 years.
So gather your things and follow me to the orientation gallery.
P.A.:
If you have been designated as a civilian section officer, report to section Red 116 upon entering.
Once again, if you have been designated as a civilian section officer, report to section Red 116 upon entering.
Dan: 
Leo...
I'm not coming.
Leo, come with us right now.
I have to go back for Sarah.
Leo--
Mom, I'm going.
Don, what are you doing?
Giving him something to trade, that's what I'm doing.
I want you to take this.
Dad, that's enough.
Goddam it.
You take care of yourself, OK?
I'm gonna make it.
Worth:
What about Entrekin?
I don't know. 
He hasn't returned my call in 2 weeks.
- Excuse me, Jenny?
- Yeah?
Your father's here.
Hello.
Hello.
I can't stay long.
I'm leaving the city, but I wanted to show you something.
I wanted to show you that you're not an orphan.
I have proof that you're not an orphan.
Here.
Look.
Where's Mom?
Behind the camera.
She took this?
Mm-hmm.
And this one, too.
She was such an artist, don't you think so?
You don't remember when we take them, hmm?
I'm 5 years old. 
How would I remember that?
Some people do remember when they were 5 years old.
It was such a beautiful day.
All alone on the beach.
And, of course, she would have been in the picture, but there was no one else to hold the camera, and...she insisted.
You know how she is.
How she was.
Jenny.
It was such a good day for all of us.
Don't you remember?
Keep them.
Goodbye.
Radio: 
We have now confirmed the launch of all the Titan missiles from their positions in North Dakota and Wyoming.
The comets are now approximately 14 hours outside of Earth's atmosphere, and we are told it should take these missiles less than 20 minutes to reach their target.
Jenny: 
OK, here's what we're looking at.
All of the Titans have been launched.
We still won't know if they've made a difference.
The comets have to travel for a while before the radar tracking stations can see if they've been pushed to a safe course that'll bypass the Earth.
So, one more time we have to wait.
Are we on?
Cameraman: 
We're on, Mr President.
Our missiles have failed.
The comets are still headed for Earth... and there's nothing we can do to stop them.
So, this is it.
If the world does go on... it will not go on for everyone.
We have now been able to calculate the comets' final trajectories, and we have determined where they're going to strike.
The smaller of the 2 comets, Biederman, will hit first, somewhere along the Atlantic Seaboard probably in the waters off the coast of Cape Hatteras in just under 12 hours at 4:35 p.m. eastern daylight time.
The impact of the comet is going to be...
Well, disastrous.
There will be a very large tidal wave moving quickly through the Atlantic Ocean.
It will be 100 feet high, travelling at 1,100 miles an hour.
That's faster than the speed of sound.
As it reaches shallow water, it's going to slow down, but the wave height, depending on the depth of the shelf off the coast, will be anywhere from 1,000 to 3,500 feet high.
Where the land is flat, the wave will wash inland 600 to 700 miles.
The wave will hit our nation's capital 40 minutes after impact.
New York City, Boston, Atlanta, Philadelphia... all will be destroyed.
if you have any means of getting away from the path of this wave, leave now.
The impact of the larger comet will be nothing less than an extinction-level event.
It will strike land in Western Canada 3 hours after Biederman.
Within a week, the skies will be dark with dust from the impact and they will stay dark for 2 years.
All plant life will be dead within... 4 weeks.
Animal life within... a few months.
So that's it.
Good luck to us all.
Fish: 
Could I bother everyone for a minute?
Let's take a look at the big one.
Now, the outgassing has created a vent a half mile wide and at least 2 miles deep.
Comet gets closer to the sun, sun melts the ice, ice turns to steam, we get a big hole, OK?
So, how many nukes do we have left in the back?
4.
If we can get the remaining bombs in that vent, there shouldn't be anything left bigger than a suitcase.
We can't do anything about the little one, but it just might give them a chance.
Without the arming codes, we're going to have to wait to set the bomb timers until we get closer to Earth to raise Houston.
We may not have enough life support left to get back into the cargo bay for the nukes, much less to go down to the comet.
We sure as hell don't have enough propellant left in the Messiah to manoeuvre with.
How are we supposed to get back off the surface once we've gotten down there?
We don't.
Well, look at the bright side.
We'll all have high schools named after us.
Tanner: 
Houston, this is Messiah.
Houston, this is Messiah.
Nice of you to call, Messiah.
We were beginning to wonder what you were doing up there.
Tanner: 
Admiring the view, Houston.
Fish, is that you?
Yep. 
We don't have time to talk, Houston.
There's nothing we can do about the smaller one, but we do have a plan.
We need the arming codes for the last 4 nukes.
Arming codes?
What the hell for?
We can do or we can teach.
What's your pleasure?
Get the arming codes!
Get the goddam codes!
We have one helicopter.
Holds 7 people.
We can ferry 6 people to high ground in West Virginia and take Jenny to the ARK.
Short stick goes.
I thought it was women and children first.
if you get the short one, you can give up your seat.
Tim: 
Thank God.
Well, that makes sense.
I got a stick.
I got a stick.
Worth:
I'm sorry, Beth.
Beth: 
OK, honey, here we go.
Let's go now.
Beth...
There's always the road.
We'll be OK.
Come on.
Ah, that's my girl.
OK, that's it.
Sarah!
Sarah!
Where's that key?
Where's the key?
Come on!
Hurry up! 
Come on!
No, wait.
What are you doing?
!
We have to go now.
Come on! 
Come on!
Beth, what are you doing?
The road was so crowded.
We weren't gonna make it.
I thought if the wave comes, we should be here because she likes it here.
And we're on the 15th floor, so maybe we'll be OK.
Say goodbye to Jenny-- What are you doing?
!
Move! 
Come on! 
Go!
Jenny!
Oh, my God! 
Caitlin!
- Come on!
- Caitlin! 
Catie!
Come on!
Faster! 
Faster!
Beth: 
No! 
No!
Come on! 
Let's go!
Hang on.
No room for this!
She's going with you!
You're taking my seat!
Come on!
Go! 
Go!
Jenny, thank you!
Get her in there!
That's too many.
I'm not going.
What?
I'm not going, Erik.
Go!
Sarah!
Sarah!
Sarah, look!
Leo!
Leo!
Leo Biederman!
Leo!
Leo!
- Leo!
- Oh!
You don't have any time.
You have to go now.
No! 
Put this on!
Daddy, what are you doing?
I want you to take the baby.
What? 
No! 
Mom!
No arguments, please!
I don't want to go!
Grab his foot, honey.
Let's go.
Mom? 
Mom!
Sweetheart, listen to me.
Let go. 
Put this on.
- I love you, too.
- I love you.
I've always loved you.
I love you.
I don't want to go!
Take care, honey.
Put this on.
I'll see you soon!
I'll see you soon!
Chuck: 
Get out of here.
Go to high ground.
When I was 11 , I took $32 from your wallet.
When you were a baby...
I once dropped you on your head.
When you came to the studio and brought those pictures,
I lied when I said I didn't remember.
I remember everything.
I remember that we were right over there, and that's when Mom got that picture of the house.
It was a perfect, happy day.
I came down here to let you know that.
thank you.
I've missed you since then.
I missed you, too.
Biederman.
Daddy.
Hold on!
Tanner: 
This is Messiah.
We're ready to begin our run.
Are our families there yet?
They're on their way, Messiah.
Disengage auto path.
Here we go.
We're at perigee.
Wolf contact in 4 minutes, 45 seconds.
We'll never be closer to home than we are right now.
Come on!
Messiah, we got some people here that want to talk to you.
Wendy, honey... you promise me you'll keep doing your church thing, and I'll be there right next to you, haunting you.
You better come back and haunt me.
I love you.
There's Mommy.
Hello, Mommy.
Baker: 
Hey, you take care of Daddy for me, OK?
She does a good job.
She misses Mommy.
Baker: 
I miss you.
I love you, Mommy.
I love you.
Very, very much.
David.
You know what I want to say.
David: 
I know.
Leo: 
Come on!
Baker: 
Wolf contact in 2 minutes, 30 seconds.
Hefter: 
Oren, Mariette's up at your folks' place in Utah.
We sent a plane, but she isn't here yet.
Fish, your sons are both on active duty.
We tried to get them back, but we couldn't get them here on time.
I'm sorry.
Well, Mitch, uh...
I want to say goodbye to Mary.
I want to tell her I love her... and that ever since we've been apart, every day, I think about her.
Mary, I'm coming home.
Baker: 
Coming up on target, 625 miles.
Range 600 miles.
Wait! 
Oh, God, wait!
Wait!
I'm coming!
Oren? 
Oren, are you there?
Mariette? 
I'm here.
I can hear you.
Hi, sweetie.
This is your father.
His name is Oren.
I named him after you.
Monash: 
Hello, Oren.
Show him what you brought him.
He's holding up a little rocket.
That's a mighty powerful rocket you got there.
Simon:
He's laughing.
I can hear him.
I know.
Mariette...
I'm hugging you both right now.
I'm holding you.
Baker: 25 seconds.
Prepare to synchronize the nukes.
23... 22... 21... 20... 19... 18... 17... 16... 15...
It's been a pleasure serving with you, Commander.
The honour's all mine, Andy.
Be good, Oren.
Be good.
Beck: 
We watched as the bombs shattered the second comet into a million of pieces of ice and rock that burned harmlessly in our atmosphere and lit up the sky for an hour.
Still, we were left with the devastation of the first.
The waters reached as far inland as the Ohio and Tennessee Valleys.
It washed away farms and towns... forests and skyscrapers.
But the water receded.
The wave hit Europe and Africa, too.
Millions were lost.
Countless more left homeless.
But the waters receded.
Cities fall... but they are rebuilt.
And heroes die... but they are remembered.
We honour them with every brick we lay... with every field we sow... with every child we comfort and then teach to rejoice in what we have been regiven.
Our planet.
Our home.
So now... let us begin.

1.567 makes it 8 degrees.
Man: 
Altair, Alpha Centauri, Sirius.
Leo: 
Matt Shepherd?
It's just a party, and he asked me.
He's really nice.
Yeah, to you, maybe.
You guys getting some good work done over here?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah, sounds like it.
What's the bright one?
Uh...
Mizar.
It's a double star.
Good.
The one next to it?
Uh...
Alcor.
Good, Biederman, and the one next to that?
Uh...
I don't know.
It's Megrez.
I don't think so.
Well, you just said you didn't know.
Well, it's not Megrez.
It's something else.
Look.
It's south about 10 degrees.
It's probably a satellite.
Let's take another picture.
We'll send it to Dr Wolf.
Yes, sir.
It's Megrez.
Not Megrez.
It is.
It's not.
[Whispering] It is.
[Mario Sereni And Nicolai Gedda Singing In Italian]
[Humming Along With Music]
[Turns Music Down]
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Well, hello there, little fella.
Do I know you?
Where are you going in such a hurry?
And there.
[Modem Dialling]
Come on.
Damn it!
Biederman.
Come on, you miserable piece of crap.
Randy Travis On Radio:
" Still on the bottom "
" And he can't dig out of the hole "
[Telephone Rings]
Come on, come on.
" You're winning now "
" Driving his future "
" Right into..."
Recording: 
You have reached the Department of Planetary Sciences.
" The further he goes..."
If you know the extension of the person you're calling...
" Bottom, but he can't..."
Ow, Jesus!
press that number now.
Damn it!
This is relating to the recall of American troops from abroad.
Tragedy struck today as a charter aircraft carrying an army unit returning from duty in Japan crashed this morning...
Stuart Caley:
White House Press Office says Secretary of the Treasury Rittenhouse is resigning because his wife is sick.
So who passed Rittenhouse the hemlock?
AFL/ CIO wanted him off the Council of Economic Advisors for not supporting the pension bill, and the president's going to need labour next fall.
And State's still fuming about the trade office screw-up at the G-8.
Pentagon is unhappy with his readiness reduction proposals.
Beth: 
Greenspan dislikes him.
Christ, who didn't this guy piss off?
No wonder the wife's sick.
Jenny Lerner: 
She's not sick, she's a drunk.
How do you know that?
Mike Woodward over at Treasury.
Mrs Rittenhouse started drinking a couple of years ago when her husband had a series of affairs.
Stepped it up last summer after their son died of leukaemia.
You want to do something on the price that wives pay?
Mike Woodward?
Wife, 3 kids?
He's been after me for months.
So I threw him a breakfast and hit him up about Rittenhouse.
Bob Campbell's leaving, so midnight Saturday anchor shift is opening up.
Why would I want to give up the White House for a graveyard weekend...
No, no, no, not for you, for me.
No.
Beth.
We'll talk about this later.
Very calm. 
The president will be back from Camp David tomorrow.
Business news, Ira.
Just keep working on Rittenhouse.
Maybe Mike's available for dinner.
Do the usual research, background information.
OK, that's it.
Beth, wait.
Listen, Beth, what if it wasn't permanent?
Oh, God, Jenny, please.
Honey, this is how it works.
You've done 2 years of research.
Now do 3 as a segment producer.
5 on air doing domestic features, another 2 in some cholera-ridden hellhole.
And then I'll quit if they don't give you a weekend anchor shot.
Hello, Caitlin.
There you are.
Are you protecting me or just holding me back?
- Yes.
- OK.
Rittenhouse tape and text on my desk by 4:00 tomorrow, and we'll drop in the reverses for the 5.
OK.
At this moment right now...
Thank you...
The pretty little girls are walking down the aisle.
They're spreading flowers.
The twins.
What are their names?
Emma and Susanna.
They're walking down the aisles, and they're dropping rose petals, and everyone's smiling at them, and now she's walking down the aisle.
Yes, and she stands beside him.
And the priest says, "Dearly beloved..."
Judge.
The judge says, "Blah, blah, blah.
"Sickness and health, blah, blah, blah.
Do you, Jason Lerner, take Chlorine Whatchamacallit?"
Mom, Chloe.
What did I say?
You said "Chlorine."
Her name's Chloe.
Oh.
Well, it's still a terrible name.
Jason says, "Lie, lie, lie, till death do us part, blah, blah, blah,"
and she says yes, and he says yes, and it's kissy, kissy, kissy, and congratulations.
Jenny, you now have a new stepmother who is 2 years older than you.
The check.
Well, anyway, as much as I'd like to stay here and get silly with you, Mom,
I can't.
I gotta go.
I know, I know, I know.
I'm sorry about this.
We'll get over it.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Be good.
I was with the secretary since he's been governor of Connecticut.
I came to Washington with him.
I moved here because I was dedicated to his career.
I trusted the man... and then he fucked me.
He what?
No, I didn't have sex with him.
I should say / didn't have sex with him, but somebody sure did.
It was about to come out, so he resigned.
But because I was hired from outside the government pool,
I don't get conveyed to the next secretary, so now I'm out a job...
Because he couldn't keep his hands off women.
Do you have proof?
He thinks he was being so clever.
He had a private phone line installed in his office.
Nobody else could answer it.
I picked it up once.
Said hello, and it's nobody home.
It rings, he shuts the door.
Why not hang a sign?
Do you have a name?
This is what I get for talking to the press.
I'm selling my soul right now.
I can feel it.
I can feel it.
I name a name and get someone into trouble.
So you do have a name.
Just a first name.
Oh, my God.
I'm going to say it.
Ellie.
Ellie. 
Nothing else?
I think the president knows about it, too.
Overheard the secretary talking to him about her.
Isn't Washington sick?
Hi.
How you doing?
Can I help you?
Well, actually, we're looking for your mom.
Is she around?
My mom's sick.
She's not here.
Gosh, I love boats.
Are you going on a trip?
Yeah.
That's exciting. 
Looks like a long trip, huh?
So, listen, do you know where you're going?
Rittenhouse: 
She's going back to the house.
Hey, you want to stop that?
Lily, please.
Lily, that's a pretty name.
Lily.
Do as I say.
Go on.
If we could just get a minute of your time.
What do you want from me?
We'd like to talk about your resignation.
My wife is sick.
She's in the hospital.
That's why I resigned.
Everybody knows this.
We could talk about your wife, or we could just talk about Ellie.
Turn the camera off.
If you want to talk to me, turn it off.
We know everything.
Nobody knows everything.
Well, we know about the secret phone lines and the whispered calls to the president and about a secretary of the Treasury who's kept his entire department in the dark about what he's really doing... about a cover story about his resignation
that just fell through.
You want me to go on?
And you're just gonna break it?
Well, that's what we do for a living.
Well, congratulations.
You now have the biggest story in history.
Good luck to you.
Personally...
I think it's a mistake to run the story, but hey, what the hell?
Why not?
What difference does anything make any more?
Look.
I know you're just a reporter, but you used to be a person, right?
I wanted to be with my family.
Can you understand that?
OK, Secretary of the Treasury Alan Rittenhouse resigns because of a mistress named Ellie.
The biggest story in history?
What an ego.
Now, if it was the president...
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
The president has a mistress named Ellie, and Rittenhouse pretends that he's having the affair and takes the fall and resigns, and the president buys him a yacht?
[Thump]
Son of a bitch.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Right! 
OK, OK!
Oh, God. 
Oh, God.
FBI. 
If you would, please, ma'am.
What do I do with my car?
We'll take care of your car.
Just step back to my car.
Get her car here.
Let's go.
[Tyres Screech]
Would you come this way please?
Morton Entrekin, Ms Lerner.
I'm expected back at MSNBC at 6:00.
I think I should be there.
People knew about the Manhattan Project, you know, and they kept it a secret.
That was just the creation of the atom bomb.
Hmm.
[Door Opens]
Ms Lerner, Tom Beck.
I understand you've come into some information.
Ms Lerner was just expressing her lack of enthusiasm for matters of national security where journalistic competitiveness is at stake.
Mr President, I'm not interested in using Ellie to further my career.
What do you know about E.L.E.?
I know you should have picked a better cover story than a sick wife.
See?
What did I tell you?
We'd always thought the deadline for going public was the publication of the budget, since we've spent more money than we can hide.
The budget comes out in 2 weeks.
I don't suppose I could convince you to sit on this for 2 weeks.
No such thing as 2 weeks in the news business.
And I can't appeal to your sense of what's in the nation's best interest?
I always thought the truth was in the nation's best interest.
Entrekin:
You want to hold her?
What if we go public in 48 hours?
Now that's doable, isn't it?
Entrekin: 
That would be very difficult, Mr President.
Morton, if she knows, how long can it be before CNN or the Post breaks the story?
This was never gonna be a secret as long as you wanted it to be.
Give us 2 days, Ms Lerner.
You'll get second row, centre, at the White House press conference.
Now, from what I know of your career, that's a promotion.
I want exclusivity.
Now, listen, young lady.
This is a presidential favour.
I'm letting you go because I don't want another headache.
And I'm trusting you because I know what this can do for your career.
It might seem that we have each other over the same barrel, Ms Lerner, but it just seems that way.
I want...
Want?
May I...
May I have the first question?
We'll see you Tuesday, Ms Lerner.
Come on, come on.
E.L.E., E.L.E.
Paleontology?
Paleontology?
What's paleontology have to do with anything?
Come on.
Beth: 
Hey.
Hey.
Look who's working late.
How's Rittenhouse going?
No sign of the wife yet.
Is she missing?
No. 
We're still working on it.
We'll get there.
I know, it's a dull story.
Next time we'll get you something more exciting.
Great.
Are you OK?
Yeah.
Want to come to dinner with us?
I can't.
I have plans.
OK. 
We'll see you tomorrow.
Jenny: 
Thank you.
He'll mount, he'll mount.
He's like a child.
What's wrong with you?
He's making us lose time.
It's simple. 
Grab the flag and jump off the cliff with the horse and all.
What did he say?
It's simple. 
Grab the flag and get on the horse.
And then, with the horse and all, you jump off the cliff.
- Ah, shit.
- Take it easy...
How can I "take it easy," I can't take it easy
With all of these animals.
Let's see. 
He's alive.
- Mario, I didn't do anything.
- Be quiet.
Carmen!
Stop, please!
Stop! 
Let me through.
Excuse me. 
Carmen.
Stop, please.
Carmen.
Carmen.
Carmen, how are you?
- How have you been?
- Fine. 
Can't you see I'm doing fine?
I...
We... wanted to talk to you.
I can't now, I'm busy.
Wait for me in the bar out front.
Bye.
- OK.
- So long.
Let's go, Charlie.
He's a genius.
The midget's a genius.
If you want, I'll leave.
- No, why?
- So you can chat in peace.
Are you crazy or something?
You're with me, right?
Here he comes.
I want some bread.
- This is...
- Waiter!
This is Charlie.
The Memory Cowboy.
What's up, man?
You wanted to talk to me?
Carmen, long time no see, eh?
Come here!
Alright, I wanted to...
- Is there a bathroom?
- There, in the back.
- The usual.
- No, nothing for me, I'm good.
I'm doing fine, too.
We have some sensational memory routines.
We just shot a film.
You see how handsome he is?
Charlie Bronson!
Milk?
Yes, milk. 
What did you want to talk about?
Carmen.
Carmen.
Why don't we work together again?
Do you remember?
How the people used to applaud...
How they would laugh...
It was...
We were destined for glory.
And the cowboy?
What cowboy?
Your friend, the cowboy.
That fool?
No, he's a moron.
A moron.
An Indian.
I found him in the country.
He's hard-headed.
I was just telling him that if we get back together,
He has to go.
Who's "we"?
Us. 
That's what I'm saying.
I told him that if we get back together...
He has to go back home.
You're always the same dirtbag.
- What's the matter with you?
- Always the same dirtbag.
Why do you want to work with me?
To sell me to another circus?
Me?
I didn't sell you.
Yes, you swapped me for 100,000 pesos and crept out in the night.
- Me?
- Yes, you, you!
I had to work in that circus for one year until I escaped!
But I swear I didn't sell you.
The thing is...
They threatened me, you know.
They said they would kill me if I didn't leave you.
Lies!
You lost me in a card game!
I swear by all the saints.
What saints? 
Didn't you say you were a communist?
Me, a communist? 
Swear on this that I'm a communist!
I don't know what's wrong with me. 
I feel bad.
So, he's a moron? 
An Indian?
Why don't you say it now?
You're nuts. 
I said that?
Yeah, you said it.
You're a shitty little dwarf.
An ulcerous dwarf.
No wonder you drink milk.
What do you think you are?
You think you're indispensable?
At every circus I've been, I've had a ton of dwarves. 
A ton!
And they were tinier than you!
I hope you grow up.
So you starve to death.
Let's go, Charlie.
You know what the problem is, Charlie?
This country's not big enough for us.
- We've got to go to Europe.
- To Europe?
Yes, to Europe, to Europe!
The actors there are all fags.
With your manly looks, we'll knock'em all dead.
All you're missing is a little bit of concentration.
- What?
- No, nothing.
But how?
Don't worry, leave it to me.
Have I ever done you wrong?
Firmly and without hesitation, what is the gentleman's number?
The gentleman has cap number 14994/33.
You see, Charlie? 
All we needed was a little bit of concentration.
Incredible, people! 
Come and see!
It's a show worth seeing!
Come one and come all, people!
Right here! 
Come and see!
Ladies and gentlemen, come and see this special show,
Trapeze artists, jugglers, balancing acts, ponies, clowns, dog weddings,
The one and only in the world, Come and see!

I'll be waiting for you there in about one hour.
You can trust me.
Ah, signora.
Grazie.
Che cosa?
Go on.
Go on!
The end is too gory.
Cut out one roll of the table.
Okay.
The signal was much too obvious.
It kills the surprise.
Make it shorter.
Okay, Monroe.
What else?
You wanted to see the beach scene from Dark Moonlight.
Right.
Okay, Jack.
No, no, don't go to him at all, stay on her.
You don't need him. 
Stay on her all the way down to the edge of the sea.
She's the one we're interested in.
Remember that scene from Reaching for the Moon, when Bebe Daniels ran out of the house, down to the lake?
This is where we shot it.
No, of course you wouldn't remember, you're too young.
I've been here since the silent days.
I knew them all.
Did you know the Keystone Kops?
All of them!
What a bunch of guys.
Shh.
This was Minna Davis' dressing room.
She was taken ill for the last time in this room.
That's her.
She was beautiful.
She was a great friend of mine.
I remember we had to call her husband.
I called him myself.
I remember that call well.
I said, "Mr. Stahr I'm afraid your wife has been taken ill."
He said, "l'll be right over."
And this is where it all happened.
This is where Mr. Stahr was when I called him.
The administration building.
That's where he still is.
That's his office up there.
Oh...
Gee, it's so big!
It's big, all right.
They don't have anything bigger in the whole world.
How did they do the earthquake in San Francisco?
The earthquake?
Well, there are various ways you can do an earthquake.
What you can do first is rock the camera.
You see?
Or if you're in a room, you can rock the set.
I mean, you can rock the room.
Then you throw in a lot of dust...
No, I wasn't asleep.
When are you coming home?
Mmm.
Oh, I'm all right.
I miss you, that's all.
Oh, she's with her grandmother.
She's fine.
She has a new tooth.
Mmm.
How did it go?
Oh, that's good.
Mmm...
When are you coming home?
Oh... good.
Beautiful baby.
And you want me to meet you?
Mmm.
Next time I'll be coming with you.
Come on, come on.
They owe me a little time off at the club anyway.
Oh...
Couldn't be more boring than being without you.
Yes, me too.
Bye, darling.
Want me to go?
Yes!
No.
Cut!
Kill the arc.
That's a print.
That was really good.
I mean, very good.
Give me a finder.
All right, take it up.
Your aspiring, sir.
Strike the sofa!
Pick up the phone, Harry.
Pull the phone back, Fred.
And watch that cable!
Makeup!
That was really very good indeed.
Makeup!
You think so?
It was absolutely terrific.
It was really wonderful.
It was shit.
Here we go again, Billy.
Listen, Didi, I have to tell you it was exquisite.
It was fake.
It was false.
Didn't you notice?
!
I want to do it again.
You'll never do it better.
I know I can play that scene.
I want to do it again.
It was good for me.
What?
Didi trust me.
Thank you.
I'm ready.
Chief?
Let's do it again.
We're going to do it again.
Bitch.
Get it quiet now, damn it!
All right, bring it down.
Quiet! 
Quiet, damn it!
Good night, Frank.
Good night, Brian.
Yo.
Harry, I'm waiting!
Night, boys.
Night. 
See you tomorrow, Hank.
Goodnight. 
Bye.
- See you tomorrow.
I love him.
He's a genius.
I've always wanted him to get every credit.
You know that.
But what about me?
New York has forgotten me.
No, no...
New York has forgotten me.
You want to know why?
Because I'm too generous.
It's my nature.
I make life too easy for them.
You know what I am?
I am the strong base upon which Monroe Stahr rests.
I'm loyal to him, and I'm loyal to New York.
New York knows you're loyal and New York respects you for it.
Well, New York should be loyal, too.
New York is loyal.
To who?
To you.
All I want is recognition.
You've got it.
I want to see it.
I want to see it right here on this desk.
I want to feel it.
Just cut it out, would you?
You see that bastard touch my daughter?
Who is he?
Some goddamn writer.
You know, I went down to the writers' building this morning.
I stood there and watched them for 15 minutes.
There were two of them there didn't write a line.
You can go right in.
Thanks.
Hi.
Are you an actress?
No, I'm just Daddy's little daughter.
Uh-huh.
What are you?
Oh, I'm just a lawyer from New York.
She's too intelligent to be an actress.
She's graduating from Bennington next June, with honors.
I love actors, though.
I don't need all this.
Oh, sure you do.
What's the matter, don't you feel well?
I don't feel so good.
You want some bicarbonate?
I feel so shaky.
Here.
What were you doing with that writer?
He's all right.
Don't get too close to writers.
Jesus Christ!
Cecilia, are you all right?
Stahr!
Brady!
Brady!
Hello?
Yeah?
Are you all right?
What happened?
Geez, yeah.
We had an earthquake.
Monroe, pick up the phone, will you?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll be right down.
Robbie!
Yeah!
It's split!
It's split all the way down...
Help with that spot!
Go on!
is that where it's coming from?
Yeah, that's it.
Look at the water tower.
Get a light on it.
Get a light on that pipe break!
Where's the valve, Robbie?
You know where the valve is?
Robbie, they're shooting on 17 and 24.
See the gates are shut tight.
French village is flooded, too.
We'll get the pumps from the tanks on stage nine.
Okay.
Robbie, we need more men.
Oh, Christ, we need that head next week.
Bring in the pumps from stage nine!
Stage nine.
Watch those cables!
Get the cables out of the water!
Whoa...
All right, hold it, right...
Whoa.
I'm sorry.
We just followed the trucks in.
Good evening, sir.
Good evening, Kino.
is everything all right at the studio, sir?
Yes.
Would you like some tea?
No, thank you.
Shall I turn off the lights?
Yes.
Darling, I've come home.
Yes.
Yes.
I told you, one of them wore a silver belt.
How dare you ask me that question?
No, I don't know which one wore it.
Right.
Cut!
Well, find a cop on duty.
Mm-hmm.
And tell Robinson to call me as soon as he wakes up.
Which one, Monroe?
Take six.
No, wait, let's see it again.
Roll it again, Jack.
Stage 24, take five.
Action!
Yeah?
You found the name?
Oh, good work, good work.
Uh-huh.
Well, no, divide the name between yourselves and try every one in the book.
Okay?
Good work.
Hi.
Will you go to the ball with me tomorrow night?
What ball?
Screenwriters' Ball down at the Ambassador.
Oh, yeah.
No, I don't think so.
I might just come in late.
Oh?
So...
Uh...
So, when do you go back to college?
I've just got home.
You get the whole summer off.
I'm sorry.
I'll go back as soon as I can.
Well, don't you want to?
Well, I don't know.
I'm pretty well educated.
Maybe I should get married.
Well, I'd marry you.
I'm lonely, but I'm too old and tired to undertake anything.
Undertake me.
What?
Undertake me.
Oh, no, Cecilia.
I've known you so long.
I've never thought of you that way.
You don't use that line this year.
What?
Nothing.
Yeah?
Mr. Stahr, Mr. Rodriguez is still waiting to see you.
Oh, yeah. 
Send him in.
I'm sorry.
These actors...
Did you press that buzzer with your foot?
Yes.
Of course not.
But you will dance with me at the ball.
Sure I will.
Hello, Monroe.
Hello!
How are you?
Wonderful, really great.
You look just wonderful.
Thank you.
I had to see you in your office.
Sit down.
So... what's the trouble?
I'm through.
You're through?
What do you mean, you're through?
Have you seen Variety?
Your picture's held over at the Roxy.
It did 37,000 in Chicago last week.
I know.
That's a tragedy.
I'm in a tragic mess.
It's...
Well, what are you talking about?
It's Esther and me.
Mm-hmm?
I love her.
She's my wife.
Yeah?
But I'm through.
I'm washed up.
It's gone.
What's gone?
I've gone.
I'm ashamed to go to bed with my wife.
I know Rainy Day grossed 25,000 in Des Moines and broke all records in St. Louis and did 27,000 in Kansas City?
Kansas City.
But here I am, afraid to go to bed with my own wife, the woman I love.
So I came to you, Monroe.
I've been to a doctor.
I've been to a cathouse.
Ah.
Yeah... nothing.
Nothing.
So, I... so I came to you.
Yes, you did, I see.
Ah I mean, we both came from nowhere, from nothing, right?
Right.
What were you, a messenger boy?
That's right.
I delivered groceries.
Yeah.
This is America.
Look where we are now.
I mean, look at this office, look at you.
Yeah.
We both came from nothing.
That's why I can talk to you.
I understand.
So, how is Esther?
She's the greatest girl in the world.
She's my wife.
Well, I know that.
I mean, she loves me.
Oh, I know, I know.
500 girls marched up to my house from the high school.
I stood behind the curtains and I watched them.
I couldn't go out.
I mean, if they knew lf my family knew I watch myself on the screen and I want to puke!
Mm.
Look at me.
All right, I'm a big star, but what's really profound about me is that I'm a big star with a big fan club...
Yeah, l-l know.
- who actually loves his wife, so why would anyone want to play these lousy tricks on me?
You see what I mean?
Sure, sure.
So I came to you.
Yeah.
Oh, yes, I see.
Just play the part the way I said.
All right then
Thanks, Monroe.
Thanks.
The doctor's here.
Ah.
Hi, Doc.
Come on in.
When are you going to take that vacation?
Soon.
When?
Oh, sometime in five or six weeks.
Getting any sleep?
About five hours.
Do you need any more pills?
No, I'm fine.
Any... pain?
Some.
They'll never get writers unionized.
You know why?
Hello, Monroe.
Gentlemen.
Monroe.
Gentlemen.
Everything all right?
Fine.
I was just saying they'll never get the writers unionized.
You know why?
Because they hate each other's guts.
They'd sell each other out for a nickel.
This man from New York seems pretty set on doing it the one who's coming out to see me.
What's his name?
Brimmer.
Brimmer.
Communist, yeah.
You mean a real Communist?
Yeah, sure, a real one.
I mean, some of these guys are just jokers that call themselves Communists.
And mostly they are fairies, too.
There are other aspects, of course.
Well I'll find out next week.
Better find out.
The last thing we need is a writers' strike.
We got 16 pictures going into production.
I'll handle him.
Monroe can handle him.
Monroe can handle anybody.
Anyway, mostly they are fairies.
There are other aspects, of course.
Monroe, tell me, what do you think of the idea to make Manon with a happy ending, huh?
It's been making money without a happy ending for a century and a half.
What about the South American picture?
We're going ahead with that.
With the same budget?
It's out of proportion.
With that budget, we have no chance.
What do you think, Mr. Marcus?
Monroe is our production genius.
I count upon him and lean heavily upon him.
The balance sheet last year showed a $27 million profit.
It's all due to him.
You know who first told him you were a genius?
Guess.
You.
Right.
Damn good of you, Pat.
No, no.
I admire a man, I say so.
I want the whole world to know.
Perhaps that's because I'm Irish.
The Irish are a very warm-hearted people.
The Greeks are warm, too.
I mean, try to find me a Greek Communist.
You couldn't find one.
But there's not a $2 million gross in the country right now.
Don't forget, we're in the middle of a depression.
I know that.
I think we can count on a million and a quarter from the road show, perhaps a million and a half, and a quarter of a million abroad.
But you have a budget of a million, seven-five-o, and you say you expect less than that in grosses?
What about prints and advertising?
Distribution costs.
Interest on the money...
and some profits.
Yes, he's here.
I'm not even sure we'll gross a million.
It's for you, Mr. Stahr.
Thank you.
Yes.
Hello, Robin.
Uh-huh.
Good.
Yes, leave the number with Miss Doolin.
I'll call later.
You know, I'm fairly new out here.
Do I understand you to say that you expect to gross a half a million short of your budget?
It's a quality picture.
"Quality picture."
What the hell are we...?
We've played safe for two years now.
It's time we made a picture that isn't meant to make money.
Pat Brady is always saying at Academy dinners that we have a certain duty to the public.
Okay.
It's a good thing for the company to slip in a picture that'll lose money write it off as good will.
Gentlemen.
Thank you.
Boy.
Mr. Stahr!
Hey, that's a good spiral you got there.
Hello, Monroe.
- Hi, Dan.
Sir.
- Yes, Wylie.
Hello, Mr. Stahr.
You going somewhere?
Stage four.
Listen, have you read my script?
Uh, yes, I have.
Well, what do you think of it?
I think it's an interesting script.
Uh-huh.
How come you have two other writers on it?
Take it away!
- Who told you that?
They're friends of mine.
They didn't know I was doing it.
I didn't know they were doing it.
We all found out this morning.
I'm sorry.
What can you do?
That's the system.
We're back!
You invented that system.
You've distorted the girl.
By distorting the girl, you've distorted the story.
We're back.
How?
How have I distorted the damn girl?
I'm not interested in your fantasies.
Eddie.
Eddie!
Hello, Monroe.
Hi.
Listen, two people at the sneak preview...
What?
Oh, it's probably just a couple of seconds, but I want you to run the picture until you find the footage.
Have some people with you.
Someone will spot it.
Sure, I'll take care of it.
Okay.
Hi, Cooke.
You've given her a secret life.
She doesn't have a secret life.
You've made her a melancholic.
She's not a melancholic.
Mr. Stahr.
How do you know?
Because I paid 50,000 bucks for that book, and because that's the way I see it.
Mr. Stahr.
- Thank you.
If I want to do a Eugene O'Neill play, I'll buy one.
The girl stands for health, vitality, love.
You've made her a whore.
Now, you can work with Beth and Charlie on this, or I'll take you off the subject.
It's up to you.
So how do you want the girl?
Perfect.
Mm-hmm.
Gee.
And I always have admired you.
Were you wearing a silver belt last night?
Yes, I was.
I'm glad we got you.
We didn't have much to go on.
Oh, really?
Who are you?
My name is Monroe Stahr.
I'd like to see you.
There's a reason.
What reason?
Well, I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes.
To put me in the movies?
No, that wasn't my idea.
When?
Tonight.
Where?
At your house?
No.
Somewhere outside.
I'll meet you somewhere at 9:00.
I'm afraid that's impossible.
Oh.
Uh...
What about tomorrow?
No, no, no.
Okay, tonight, 9:00.
On the corner of Webster and Park?
Okay.
Should I wear the silver belt?
Yes.
Hello, Monroe.
How's it going?
Geez, I'm glad you came down.
She's too old for me.
See who it is.
Hello.
Oh, get these photographers away from me!
May I?
No, let's go.
These publicity men.
How are you?
I've got the damn curse, and I'm having all these troubles with my frigging hair.
Well, don't worry about it.
It's like seaweed.
They're using the wrong shampoo.
They're trying to screw me, these bitches.
On my word of...
We're using her favorite shampoo!
Oh, darling, forgive me.
Nobody likes me, or something.
I love you, Didi.
How do you think I look?
How do you think I look on the screen?
You're going to be beautiful.
You're a great actress.
Isn't she a terrible bitch?
You can't handle her.
We'll have to call it off, Red.
The picture?
No.
I'm putting Daditch on it.
Oh.
We'll try some other time.
Shall I finish this scene?
It's being done now.
Daditch is in there.
Well, what the hell is he...?
He went in when we came out.
He read the script last night.
You bastard.
You bastard.
Listen, you haven't touched what she's able to do.
How about my coat?
I left it on the set.
Here it is.
Okay, that's it.
Yes?
It's Mr. Brady.
Yeah.
Monroe, we've just had a call from New York... urgent.
Do you have a minute?
No, it'll have to wait till morning.
We can come in to you.
All I need is...
- Not now.
Hi.
Where are we going?
I don't know.
What about a hotel?
No, I'll run you home.
Where do you live?
Run me home?
Mm-hmm.
It's no hurry.
What's the matter?
Don't you like me?
I thought you liked me.
I've been stupid.
Last night I had an idea you were the exact double of someone I knew.
It was dark, and the light was in my eyes.
Really?
- Mm-hmm.
That's funny.
Which way?
Westwood.
I'm an actress.
Hmm.
I'm going to be an actress.
Mm-hmm.
Listen, could you stop here a minute, please?
You said the end of the street.
Yes, but I'd like to stop here a minute, please.
Could you wait a second?
Kathleen?
Edna?
See him? 
There he is.
Who is he?
I think it was you he wanted to see.
He telephoned me.
I'm afraid we were rude at the studio.
Oh...
We had no business there.
Well, I hope you'll both come and make a real tour of the studio.
Who are you?
He's a producer.
He got us mixed up.
Phone me, will you?
Good night, Mr. Stahr.
Oh, good night.
You're Irish.
I've lived in London a long time.
I didn't think you could tell.
Oh, yes.
You've lived in London?
Yes.
I came out here a few months ago.
Was it me you wanted to see, or Edna?
Uh I made a silly mistake.
I thought you were wearing the silver belt.
Oh.
But I wasn't.
No, but it was you who I wanted to see.
Yes?
Why?
You reminded me of someone.
So you're Mr. Stahr, the producer?
Mm-hmm.
I suppose the girls are all after you to put them on the screen.
They've given up.
You didn't want to put me in the pictures?
No.
Good.
I feel as if I had my foot in the door.
Like a collector.
I'm sorry, I can't ask you in.
Well ls this all?
Well, I do hope we'll meet again.
I'd be sorry if we didn't.
Good evening, sir.
Good evening.
Will you be running a movie tonight?
No.
Shall I turn off the lights?
Yes.
Sit down, Mr. Boxley.
I can't go on.
It's a waste of time.
I can't go on.
It's a waste of time.
Why?
You've stuck me with two hacks.
They can't write.
And they... bugger up everything I write.
Well, why don't you just write it yourself?
I have.
I sent you some.
That was just talk.
We'd lose the audience.
Talk?
Mm-hmm.
I don't think you people read things.
The men...
The men are dueling when this conversation takes place.
At the end, one of them falls into a well and has to be hauled up in a bucket.
Would you write that in a book of your own?
Of course I wouldn't.
I inherited this absurd situation.
Let me ask you, do you ever go to the movies?
Rarely.
Because people are always dueling and falling down wells?
And talking a load of rubbish!
Listen has your office got a stove in it that lights with a match?
I think so.
Suppose you're in your office.
You've been fighting duels all day.
You're exhausted.
This is you.
A girl comes in.
She doesn't see you.
She takes off her gloves.
She opens her purse.
She dumps it out on the table.
You watch her.
This is you.
Now...
She has two dimes, a matchbox and a nickel.
She leaves the nickel on the table.
She puts the two dimes back into her purse.
She takes the gloves...
they're black.
Puts them into the stove.
Lights a match.
Suddenly, the telephone rings.
She picks it up.
She listens.
She says, "l've never owned a pair of black gloves in my life."
Hangs up.
Kneels by the stove.
Lights another match.
Suddenly, you notice there's another man in the room watching every move the girl makes.
What happens?
I don't know.
I was just making pictures.
What was the nickel for?
Jane, what was the nickel for?
The nickel was for the movies.
What do you pay me for?
I don't understand the damn stuff.
Yes, you do or you wouldn't have asked about the nickel.
Well, Monroe's right.
Lights.
Needs about 20 minutes out of it.
Twice it just lays there and goes to sleep.
Well, I've got to go to that damn writers' ball.
I'll talk to you tomorrow, Eddie.
What's Eddie, asleep?
Jesus.
Goddamn movie even puts the editor to sleep.
He's not asleep,
Mr. Brady.
What do you mean, he's not asleep?
He's dead, Mr. Brady.
Dead?
!
What do you mean, he's dead?
He-he must have died during the...
How can he be dead?
We were just watching the rough cut!
Jesus, I didn't...
I didn't hear anything.
Did you hear anything?
Not a thing.
Eddie he probably didn't want to disturb the screening,
Mr. Brady.
Good evening, Mr. Stahr.
What are you doing here?
I'm with Martha Dodd's party.
What's your name?
Kathleen Moore.
Kathleen Moore.
Hmm.
How do you know her?
Oh.
I met her recently.
Are you married?
No.
I must go back now.
I promised this dance.
Can we have lunch or dinner?
No.
It's impossible.
I must go back.
Thank you for the dance.
Monroe?
Monroe?
Hi, Rod.
Hello, Esther.
Hello, Monroe.
Monroe, come here.
Isn't she wonderful?
Isn't she beautiful?
Stop.
How are you, Esther?
Great.
Really great.
This is the greatest country in the world everybody stands a chance in this country.
There's not going to be no revolution.
The only people who want a revolution are the Communists.
And the fairies.
What kind of a revolution do the fairies want?
- A Communist one.
What else?
Do you think Stalin likes homosexuals?
Homosexuals, eh?
Let me tell you something.
You know, "homo" is a Greek word.
I come from Europe, I'm Greek.
That's why he knows so much about Stalin.
But Stalin ain't Greek.
You're damn right he ain't.
He's a fairy.
He's a bastard, Communist,
Russian fairy...
that's what he is!
Calm down.
Fleishacker, let me tell you something.
After the revolution, you'll be the only safe one.
You know why?
Because they always need lawyers after a revolution to straighten out the legal end.
What do you think, Monroe?
I think so, too.
You know, uh I saw Highway to Tomorrow.
You're right.
You take 20 minutes out of it, you got a fine movie.
Possibly.
The shape's not too bad.
The shape is good.
You know why?
Because Eddie is one of the best cutters in the business.
Where are you going?
It's early.
It's late.
They talked as if I'd been dancing with the Prince of Wales.
Meet me tomorrow.
Mr. Stahr?
I've said I can't.
Isn't that enough?
Not now.
Can I talk to you for one minute?
Look, tomorrow is Sunday.
Why don't you come to the studio.
I'll show you around the studio.
No, I wouldn't like to see the studio.
You wouldn't?
Monroe, we have that...
Excuse me.
I say, Mr. Stahr...
Look.
Look, where would you like to go?
I'm a weak woman.
If I meet you tomorrow will you leave me in peace?
No, you won't, will you?
So I'll say no and thank you.
Going down.
Oh!
What does it take to get you to leave a party?
You're the one who wanted to come.
I only agreed to come because you said we wouldn't stay so long.
Not in the elevator.
Main floor.
They looked so strange when I came in, as if they were furious at me for not being somebody famous.
I know another way out.
Back up, back up, let them through.
How old are you?
I've lost track.
About 35, I think.
Where are you from?
I was born on the East Side of New York.
They said at the table you were the "boy wonder."
Ah...
Where's your car?
Listen, where will we meet tomorrow?
I'll come by, and I'll pick you up at 2:00.
Hmm?
No...
No.
I'll meet you here, the same spot.
Have you been here all night?
Yes.
I'd like some tea, if it's a place you're not known.
There's a place on the coast where they have a trained seal;
he knows me pretty well.
He bit me once.
But he won't say a word unless you're rude to him.
What are you hiding?
Nothing.
What'll you have?
Two teas.
Right.
Shake?
See?
He remembers you.
This seal has the memory of an elephant.
He likes him... 'cause he's such a charming guy.
Does he respond to affection?
He responds to fish.
This seal's got taste.
Come on out.
Seat.
How long have you known him?
Oh, I've known him for years.
His father's an old friend of mine.
But the family history ain't too good.
His mother ran off with another seal.
is he good to you?
Well, he's good to me on the whole.
Only got one problem.
He won't ride in the backseat.
That's right climbs over the back and rides in front.
Now, I know he's a good driver...
But who owns the car?
Right?
Right!
Here.
Give him this.
Whoa. 
Thanks.
Well, this is it.
I don't know why I'm building it.
Maybe it's for you.
Well, I think it's great of you to build a big house for me without even knowing what I look like.
I didn't know what kind of a roof you wanted.
I don't need a roof.
What's that for?
The projector.
The what?
The movie projector.
I gave a luncheon out here last week, so I had some props and grass brought out to see how the place felt.
is that real grass?
Sure.
is it from a film set?
No.
Can I walk on it?
Walk.
I'll watch you.
Will you live here alone?
Yes.
Alone with your movie projector?
Mm-hmm.
Where do you live now?
I live in my old house.
What's this?
Oh, the, uh, swimming pool.
Or it will be a swimming pool.
Well, you need a constant supply of Nereids to plunge and gambol.
Nereids, what's that?
Sea nymphs.
Oh, no.
I'll just come out here to read scripts.
No distractions.
I lived with a man for a long time.
Too long.
I wanted to leave, but he couldn't let me go.
So finally I ran away.
I must go now.
I have an appointment.
I didn't tell you.
That's not true, but it's all right.
Thank you, I must go now.
We'll do it again?
No, I'm sorry, I'll... write you a letter.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Do you ever go to the movies?
Oh.
Not much.
Why not?
Should I?
Millions of people do.
Why?
Because movies are necessary to them.
They give them what they need.
What you need.
It's my life.
Have you got them?
Yes.
This wasn't my idea.
Let's go back.
To your house on the beach.
Watch your head.
Comfortable?
I wonder when it's settled.
What?
I mean, there's a moment when you needn't, and then there's another moment when you know that nothing in the world can keep it from happening.
Hmm.
I know why you liked me at first.
Edna told me.
What did she tell you?
That I look like Minna Davis.
Hmm.
You were happy with her?
I don't remember.
You don't remember?
No.
I remember what she looked like, but I don't remember what we were like.
She became very professional.
She was very, very successful.
She answered all her fan letters.
Everyone loved her.
I was closest to her when she was dying.
I'm warm now.
Does the maid live here or just come for your breakfast?
There'd be a lots for a maid to do, looking after Mr. Stahr.
Are you going to stay in California?
Are you?
Huh?
Can't you tell me?
What's the mystery?
Not now.
It's not worth telling.
Come here then.
You're tired.
No, I'm not.
I mean, you work too hard.
Don't be a mother.
What shall I be?
I'll show you.
You've taken off my apron.
It's here I look like Minna Davis isn't it?
No.
It's here.
What was he like?
He was a very learned man.
He could have taught all sorts of subjects.
He taught me.
We traveled.
He was very attractive.
And he was also well, he was a king.
I mean, he really was a real one, but he was out of a job.
That's what he used to say.
I went everywhere with him.
I belonged to him.
We were too close.
We should probably have had children to stand between us.
He wasn't really much like a king, not nearly as much as you, but then none of them were.
Then he started to drink.
He tried to force me to sleep with all his friends.
And I I want a quiet life.
I can't stop looking at you.
I don't want to lose you.
I want a quiet life.
Have you lost something?
It might have fallen out.
What?
An envelope.
is it important?
No, it doesn't matter.
I'll call you?
I haven't got a phone.
What's your real address?
It's just Bel Air, there's no number.
Bel Air.
Well, Mr. Stahr, good night.
"Mr. Stahr"?
Stahr.
is that better?
If you like.
This fell out of the car.
Oh, thank you.
Did any of these people want to speak to me urgently?
All of them.
Oh, yes?
Would you get me a glass of water?
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
Yes, sir.
Make sure you wake me up at 11:30.
Yes, sir.
"ln half an hour, I will be seeing you.
"When we say good-bye, I will hand you this letter.
"lt is to tell you that I am to be married soon,
"and that I won't be able to see you after today.
"l should have told you last night,
"but it didn't seem to concern you,
"and it would seem silly to spend this beautiful afternoon...
"telling you about it and watching your interest fade.
"Let it fade all at once, now.
"l am very flattered that anyone who sees so many lovely women...
"l can't finish the sentence,
"and I'll be late if I don't go to meet you straight away.
With all good wishes, Kathleen Moore."
George!
Come on!
Open up!
You're all mad!
I know that.
But why don't you open up?
Because you're...
you're all mad.
Let's get you out of there.
We'll go and have a drink.
I don't drink in the middle of the day.
Hello, Mr. Stahr.
Mr. Stahr.
Cheers.
Hello, Mr. Boxley.
What's the trouble?
I am... dangerous...
when I'm drunk.
Watch your step.
I heard you were writing a script.
Mmm.
That's right.
Here it is.
And, uh here's the nickel.
It's for the movies.
Get him home.
Stahr!
Stahr, I want copyright protection for the scene I just wrote about a drunken writer and a producer!
Stahr!
Oh, Mr. Stahr.
Hello.
What's the matter?
Nothing. 
Drunks.
How are you?
I have a terrible grudge.
What's that?
You forgot to dance with me at the ball.
The ball.
Oh, God.
One moment you were there and the next moment you were gone and you never came back.
I'm sorry.
I just... stepped out for some air, and then I met a man...
a man I hadn't seen for years.
Then we went for a drive.
I hadn't realized how that part of Hollywood had changed.
You can see it very clearly at night.
Mm.
Then it was late, you know, so I went home to bed.
So that part of Hollywood has changed, has it?
Yeah, unrecognizable.
What about the man?
What about him?
Did he think that part of Hollywood had changed?
Yes, he thought so, too.
Well, that must have been a real nice drive both of you just driving around, thinking the same thing.
Yeah.
Listen, I want to ask you a question.
What is it?
Had the man changed?
No.
He was exactly the same.
Old Gus.
Cecilia.
Your father's in conference.
Your father is in a conference.
Hi, honey.
God, it's like a steam room in here.
Why don't you open up some windows?
I am.
I don't know how you can stand it.
Hey, are you all right?
Your shirt is soaked.
I'm fine, honey.
Just fine.
I'm just bothered, that's all.
What is it?
Oh, it's Monroe Stahr, that goddamn Vine Street Jesus.
He's in my hair day and night.
Oh?
What are you talking about?
Oh, he sits there like a goddamn priest or rabbi, telling me what he's going to do, what he's not going to do.
He's got me half crazy.
Look, um, why don't you go on outside, honey.
I got some thinking to do.
You're coming with me.
You're going to wash your face and put on a clean shirt and come and do your thinking outside.
It's beautiful out.
Do you know how long it's been since we had lunch together?
Have you been drinking?
Okay, honey, I'll come with you.
You go on ahead and get some air, and I'll be with you in a minute.
You go out and get some air, honey!
I'll be with you in just a minute!
Cover her up.
Can I buy you a drink?
I don't usually, uh, drink with the talent.
I don't usually drink with the boss.
One before you go.
I'll get it.
Bourbon.
One cube of ice.
You're quite a girl, Lucienne.
Yes, everybody likes Lucienne.
Here's to you, kid.
You have the choice, brown sugar or white
You have the choice
My ghost by day, my heart by night
Love's dear delay
Love's dread delight.
It's too bad.
I thought you were coming away with me.
I can't.
You know I can't.
I owe it to him.
I must go to him.
Don't you owe me something, too?
He's my husband.
You had the choice today
But you would never say, no, you would never say
You had the choice today.
I'll never forget you, kid.
Nor I you.
Remember me to your husband.
Tell him he'll never know you the way I know you.
I lied.
I will forget you.
I'll forget you by tonight.
Makeup and hair here?
Yes, Mr. Stahr.
- Yes, Mr. Stahr.
You made her look like an angel.
I don't know how you've done it.
Congratulations.
Thank you, Mr. Stahr.
- Thank you, Mr. Stahr.
Those, uh, French girls, they really, uh, they've really got depth.
They really know what it's all about.
Yes, I think they have depth.
Who wrote that scene?
The English writer, Monroe.
Boxley.
It's the last thing he wrote before... before he left.
What a great going-away present.
Who ever heard anyone say, "Nor I you."
Has anyone ever said, "Nor I you," to you?
"Nor I you."
Hmm.
"Nor I you."
We'll have to rewrite the scene and reshoot it.
It's absolute crap.
People don't speak like that.
Do I have any writers around here who understand the way people talk?
Norman.
Yes, Monroe.
Put four writers on that scene tonight, and I want to see the rewrites before they shoot it.
Sure, Monroe.
How much is it going to cost to reshoot the scene?
Well, the set's already been struck.
So how much is it going to cost?
Oh, about $50,000.
And we have a preview next week.
I don't care what it costs.
Make it.
I don't know what's wrong with the scene.
I thought that was a pretty touching scene.
Do you know a Miss Kathleen Moore?
What do you mean?
A Miss Kathleen Moore is on the line.
She said you asked her to call.
Hello.
Who is he?
He's an American.
He took me away.
He brought me here.
I live in his house.
Where is he?
He's away.
He's an engineer.
He'll be back next week.
We're getting married.
Are you in love with him?
Oh, yes.
It's all arranged.
He saved my life.
I just wanted to see you once more.
It's all arranged.
Stop walking.
Come back.
Closer.
Open your cape.
Close your eyes.
I can never get used to the way night falls here so fast.
There's no twilight, is there?
Not really, no.
It's so sudden.
I suppose some parts of America are gentle.
Are you leaving California?
We might.
I might.
Listen.
What?
Nothing.
Can you drop me here at this corner?
Good-bye.
is Mr. Stahr...
She just flew in from New York.
Well, Christ, she's a very important actress!
I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do about it.
We have an appointment!
I'm sorry, there's nothing I can...
Mr. Robinson, please...
We've got to get this set approved by 2:00.
Otherwise, we're way behind.
I understand, but there's nothing I can do for you today.
Now, please go.
You have to make arrangements for the preview on Friday.
He's escorting me.
I'll do it.
We have to make arrangements for the preview.
What time shall I pick you up?
Don't say you're not going...
because you must go.
You're the head of the studio.
You've no alternative.
What time shall I pick you up?
Any time.
I'll be here at 7:00.
Okay.
They're waiting for you, Mr. Rodriguez.
They're waiting for you on the mike.
Excuse me!
Didi!
Didi, this is Mr. Fleishacker.
How do you do?
Mrs. Fleishacker.
Yeah.
Excuse me.
Here comes Didi.
Excuse me.
Are you happy?
It went very well.
A really great performance.
You really think so?
Yes.
No kidding, you were terrific.
Oh... thanks to you to you all.
And to you, for changing that fucking director.
They're waiting for you, Miss Didi.
I'm coming.
She really looks good!
Let's go to the beach.
What about the party?
They're expecting you at the party.
Drive me to the beach.
Do you think you'll ever finish it, so you can live in it?
I think you like it as it is.
I think you like it without a roof.
You think it needs a roof?
If you don't want one, it doesn't need one.
It's your house.
When are you going back to college?
Any time.
Yes?
Will you hold one moment, please?
Miss Kathleen Moore.
Hello.
I got your letter.
Yes?
Listen, I must see you.
It's very difficult.
It's essential. 
You know that.
Look, we have the weekend.
Come away for the weekend.
I can't.
You must.
We must have time to talk.
I'll tell you tomorrow.
No, you must say yes now.
Say yes.
Yes.
I'll be going away this afternoon for the weekend.
Cancel all my appointments.
I'll be unreachable.
You're meeting with Mr. Brimmer at Miss Brady's tonight for drinks.
Cancel it...
I'll see him on Monday.
Fine.
This just came for you.
Monroe?
Keep going.
Sugar, Mr. Brimmer?
No, thank you, Miss Brady.
Sugar, Monroe?
No, thank you.
Who designed these rooms your father?
My father asked a designer to design it.
Well, he designed them, all right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I thought it would be a nice quiet place for you two to meet.
Oh, it is.
It's a very nice room.
Know California well, Mr. Brimmer?
No... 
I spend most of my time in New York.
Busy?
Oh, yes.
Your name's well-known here.
And yours is well-known in New York, Mr. Stahr.
You have done well by water and you by land.
What?
Anthony and Cleopatra didn't you recognize it?
Shakespeare?
No, I didn't get any Shakespeare at school.
How about you, Mr. Brimmer?
Oh, a bit.
Where do you come from?
Tennessee.
Baptist.
I'm New York. 
Jewish.
I know.
Oh, at least we're all Americans.
We sure are, Mr. Stahr.
Well...
Well, I'm glad you came out here.
I wanted to talk to you.
You've got my writers all upset.
Keeps them from going to sleep, doesn't it?
I want them awake, but I don't want them crazy.
Well we're simply concerned that they have the proper protection.
That's all.
Who from, me?
You're a very good employer, Mr. Stahr, but, uh we still think that the position can be rationalized.
I'll tell you three things:
all writers are children;
50% are drunks;
and up till very recently, writers in Hollywood were gag men.
Most of them still are gag men, but we call them writers.
Uh-huh.
But, uh... they're still the farmers in this business.
They grow the grain, but they're not in at the feast.
It looks to me like a try for power, Mr. Brimmer, and I will not give them power.
I'll give them money;
I won't give them power.
Anyway, they're not equipped for authority.
More coffee, Mr. Brimmer?
No, thank you.
Monroe?
No.
I don't get to meet Reds very often.
Are you a real Red?
A real one.
Please do.
Well, I guess some of you believe in it.
Quite a few.
Not you.
Oh, yes.
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
Monroe!
Monroe!
All the stars come here to eat.
Oh, really?
is, uh... 
Greta Garbo here?
No.
A pity.
Mr. Stahr...
Good evening, Mr. Stahr.
May I have a picture, please?
Mr. Stahr please?
Brimmer.
Want your photograph taken?
If you don't mind, I'd prefer not.
Wouldn't they have liked that photograph back in New York?
Same again.
Yes, sir.
Two of us happy and smiling?
Why, they'd have been tickled pink.
Three of us happy and smiling.
Oh, of course, with the beautiful boss's daughter.
Well, they'd have liked her.
Did I say...
"the beautiful boss's daughter"?
I meant "the boss's beautiful daughter."
Isn't Mr. Brady your boss?
No, he's not my boss.
And he's not beautiful either.
What's not beautiful about him?
Same again.
Listen.
I like writers.
I understand writers.
Sure you do.
I mean, I I don't think that I have more brains than a writer, I just think that his brains belong to me.
I know how to use them.
Well, you know yourself very well, Mr. Stahr.
Here you are, sir.
Thank you.
Now I know you've been disappointed in love.
What?
That's your fourth scotch.
Oh, come on, don't be silly, I never drink.
I know you don't, but that's your fourth scotch.
Well, I haven't tasted any of them.
Well, this is the first drink I had in a week.
Did my drinking in the navy.
You hear that?
This soapbox son of a bitch has been working on the navy.
Well, uh thanks for the dinner and the meeting, but I must go.
I have to talk to some people.
You mean, you have friends out here?
Dessert, sir?
That's right.
No, thank you.
Oh, no, wait.
You've got time.
We're going to go back to your house.
We're going to have one game of Ping-Pong, one more drink and then I'm going to tell you what I really think.
You play Ping-Pong well, Mr. Stahr?
is this Ping-Pong?
He can't play.
Saturday is a...
a night to relax.
Hey, you're pretty good.
You're not so bad yourself.
I'm going to beat up Brimmer.
I'm going to handle this thing personally.
Can't you pay somebody to do it?
No, I do my own dirty work.
Mm-hmm.
I'm going to beat the hell out of you, and I'm going to put you on a train, Mr. Brimmer.
Now, stop this.
Now, stop it!
This man has an influence on you.
He has an influence on all you young people.
You don't know what you're doing.
Please, go home.
I always wanted to hit $10 million.
Please... go home.
Can I do anything?
No, really.
Well, uh... thanks.
Thanks for the game.
What happened?
He's gone.
Did I hit him?
Oh, yes, quite badly.
I didn't want to hurt him.
I just... 
I just wanted to chase him out, like I didn't want to hurt him.
I just wanted to chase him out.
I guess he got scared and he hit me.
Do you hold it against him?
Oh, no, I... no, I'm drunk.
I'm drunk.
How would you like to go out to Doug Fairbanks' ranch with me and spend the night?
I know he would love to have you.
There you go.
Sleep.
Monroe.
Monroe, I've called an emergency meeting of the board at 12:00 my office at the studio.
We'd be glad if you could come.
Morning, darling.
Your Monroe was in great form last night.
See you later.
Ah, Monroe.
Come in.
Sit down.
I've just been speaking with New York.
They've asked me to tell you that they no longer consider you competent to negotiate with the writers.
They've asked me to be the spokesman of this board in all further discussions.
They don't consider that, uh, trying to beat up the writers' representative is in the company's best interest.
I just want to say that this board endorses these views.
We also recommend that you go away for a long rest.
Take a break.
Go to Tahiti or somewhere.
This studio will fall without me.
Take a break, Monroe.
This is a waste of time.
I'll be talking to New York.
They'll be glad to speak with you, anytime.
Oh and they said, "Be sure and see a doctor about that eye."
Mr. Stahr.
We'll see the studio doesn't fall.
I'm sorry.
I can't ask you in.
So how do you want the girl?
I want a quiet life.
Any... pain?
Suppose you're in your office...
You've been fighting duels all day, you're exhausted.
This is you.
The girl comes in.
She doesn't see you.
She takes off her gloves, opens her purse, dumps it out on the table.
You watch her.
This is you.
She has two dimes, a matchbox and a nickel.
She leaves the nickel on the table, puts the two dimes back into her purse, takes the gloves to the stove, opens it, puts them inside.
She lights a match.
Suddenly, the telephone rings.
She picks it up.
She listens.
She says, "l've never owned a pair of black gloves in my life."
Hangs up, kneels by the stove, lights another match.
Suddenly, you notice there's another man in the room watching every move the girl makes.
What happens?
I don't know.
I was just making pictures.
I don't want to lose you.
I don't want to lose you.
SYNC: 
MUJO VON DOBOJ

When we scrutinize, with gratitude... the highly satisfactory condition of the country's finances... and We recognize that Our present wealth derives... from the fruits yielded up by Our property in the East Indies...
We do not hold lightly Our calling... to further the well-being of these Our colonial possessions.
The sacrifices needed of Us to maintain Our authority over them...
We will not make grudgingly.
Address from the Throne by William III, King of the Netherlands.
Damn.
Blast.
Look where you're going, you clod.
Fusilier. 
Pick up that rifle.
Shut up, Golliwog.
Get that cleaned.
Now watch your step.
No more nonsense now.
Get a move on, Pantang.
Come on, Pantang.
Hurry Saïdjah. 
Father is waiting.
- Yes, Mother.
Want some? 
There is enough.
Pantang is the most beautiful buffalo in the village.
They say he can't plough straight.
But he is double-crowned.
Does he have magic powers?
I made this for you myself.
It's beautiful. 
Very beautiful.
All quiet?
- We're seeing to that.
Morning. 
Busy?
- It's the coffee harvest time.
There goes a small fortune, you mogul.
- Poor beggar.
Goodbye.
- See you.
Are you afraid of the soldiers?
- No, Father.
No need to be.
Look at your brother.
He's not afraid.
A tiger.
Saïdjah, hurry.
Saïdjah, run quickly. 
Run.
There was a tiger.
But Pantang killed him.
Saïdjah, what happened?
Suddenly there was a tiger.
But Pantang killed him.
There you are: he's double-crowned.
I'll use the best herbs to cure you.
Call him King of the Sawahs.
No, Hero is a better name.
That sounds much better.
The Regent is displeased.
You have not paid him tribute.
The tribute he is due.
All we have is chickens and rice.
Chickens? 
Rice?
You call that a tribute?
Do you mean to insult the Regent?
Your Highness, we have nothing else.
We have no money.
Is that so?
What about that animal?
Your Highness, without my buffalo... I cannot plough the sawahs.
Do you want to make the Regent ashamed of his subjects?
Hand over that buffalo. 
And quickly.
Saïdjah.
Come back, Pantang.
Come back. 
Come back.
God... in His infinite wisdom... has granted to a country... small in size... but mighty in the knowledge of God... power over the inabitants of those far-away lands... that they may be saved by the Holy Gospel.
That they may be saved... from the torments of Hell.
Dear brethren...
Let me list our obligations... towards the millions and millions of God's lost sheep... who dwell on the islands in the Indian Ocean.
In the first place... we must give generously to the Missionary Societies.
We must contribute to the Bible Fellowships... that they may distribute Bibles on Java.
And thirdly... we must compose sermons and songs... which our soldiers and sailors... can recite to the people of Java.
Because, beloved brethren...
God is a God of love.
And that is why Holland was chosen... to save those poor souls from damnation.
What is it you want?
I took you for a former schoolmate.
Coffee.
I am a coffee broker.
Last.
I've made a mistake.
Last wasrt the name.
Beg pardon. 
The name is Drystubble.
Batavus Drystubble.
Last  Co is the name of the firm.
Coffee Brokers.
Drystubble. 
Don't you recognize me?
Look closely.
We were at school together.
I once rescued you from a fight at the fun fair.
I don't believe so.
- Of course it's true.
I'm Havelaar. 
Max Havelaar.
Yes, I see...
What time is it? 
I must get to the Bourse. I mean, home.
I have no watch... nowadays.
Oh, I see. 
Farewell.
I've been in the East Indies.
I'm married and I have children.
I cannot give my wife and children what they need.
Give it to me, darling.
So I wanted to ask you something.
I've been writing since I was a boy.
Every day. 
Essays, poetry.
It's won'th reading what I write.
I want to be read.
But I can't afford to pay for the printing.
So that's why...
Would you stand surety for me with a publisher?
Me? 
A book?
You may choose which essays you like.
All that nonsense... 
Poetry...
Coffee. 
It's also about coffee.
Bastiaans, take this.
I'll see what I can do.
About coffee?
Good old Drystubble.
I knew you would help me.
If you let me go, I can start reading.
- Of course.
I'll call on you in a few days.
So there you are?
How was the sermon?
Hello, Papa.
You smell all fresh from the cold.
I'm thinking of publishing a book...
Writing a book.
About the coffee culture.
But Batavus...
Go away. 
Go away.
I've collected facts that are important for coffee brokers.
What concerns coffee brokers, could concern shipping firms.
The Merchant Navy, the Ministry of Finance.
Pastry cooks, wholesalers, butchers, parsons.
And shareholders of the Dutch Trading Society. 
Everyone in fact.
And why not... the King.
Yes, the King especially.
Batavus, how clumsy you are.
Look at it. 
All over the floor.
'On the Unnaturalness of Schools'.
I want to read this, Papa.
What a strange title:
'On Chastity as an Inventior.
And this:
'On the immorality of Marriage'.
That's not suitable for little girls.
Go upstairs, to bed.
But I'm helping you.
- Go upstairs, Marie.
'On the Right to Revolt against Oppressior.
'On Pedantry'.
For you, Papa.
'On Slavery in Europe'.
'On the Beauty of the Women of Nîmes and Arles'.
'On Parental Authority'.
- That's not suitable for you.
'On Prostitution in Marriage'.
On prostitution in marriage?
I'm not reading such filth.
I don't want to have it in the house.
Such filth.
'On Coffee-growing in Menado'.
'On the Price of Java Coffee'.
'On the crimes of the Europeans outside Europe'.
'On the Coffee Auctions of the Dutch Trading Society'.
You ask too much from your people.
Too many taxes.
Too many buffaloes.
Too much work.
Do I ask more from my people... than the Dutch do?
The people work for me.
That is true.
But for you they build prisons.
And they construct roads for you.
They work in the coffee plantations.
And in your sugar plantations.
And what do they get for it?
They get nothing at all from the Dutch.
That's different.
Of course it is.
I am warning you.
They're from Batavia.
They are on tour now... and they would like to perform for Your Excellency.
I am honoured that you, who is called my "younger brother"... should take such pains to entertain me.
My son-in-law knew they were here on their tour.
It was his idea to have them perform here.
Beautiful. 
Very beautiful.
Would Your Excellency like to see some more?
Or would you like to compliment one of them after the meal?
Alone.
- Me?
Me alone?
- Yes.
No.
No, really.
The girls will be too tired.
They're too tired.
Tuan.
Tuan.
Pierre. 
Pierre.
What's the matter?
What's wrong?
Did it come on suddenly, Madam?
Were you there when it started?
No, he was dining with the Regent.
He had matters of importance to discuss.
He was ill when he came home.
Come in.
I heard Slotering has been taken ill.
Come, Duclari. 
Not so serious.
Well, doctor?
It's very serious.
I had warned your husband earlier.
What for?
- His liver. 
It's a serious case.
Call your children in.
Damn nuisance.
Terrible.
Calm down.
The papers.
- It's all right.
The papers...
The papers.
Calm down.
Hold him down.
He mustrt get out of bed.
The papers...
- Calm now, Sir.
Hold him.
For God's sake.
Doctor, give him something.
Laudanum. 
Opium.
How could he swallow it?
Sir. 
Mr Slotering.
Doctor.
Oh, God.
Fetch some water.
The Tuan must be washed.
Our condolences, madam.
What did he die of?
- His liver.
An acute liver abscess.
That's not true.
He's had a diseased liver for years.
That's what you say.
- Exactly.
And that's what I'll write down in my report.
You went riding with him only yesterday.
You're the boss now.
- Yes, it's tiresome.
Yes, come and join the party.
There's enough for everybody.
Everybody.
His Lordship doesn't fancy it.
But you do, right?
Sweet tooth.
Fall into line.
Present arms.
Thank you, lieutenant.
Good morning, Your Excellency.
Had a nice stroll?
Splendid.
Like every morning.
I shall miss it.
Coffee may be served now.
Anything special today?
The Trading Society pushed it through.
Corrections from the Auditor's Office.
And then... the Assistant-Resident of Lebak died a week ago.
Oh dear. 
Just suddenly?
Acute liver abscess. 
There you are, the doctor's certificate.
Tragic, isn't it?
Did he have any family?
- Just a native wife.
Sad for her five children.
And a sixth on the way.
This forces us to find a successor.
Any suggestions, gentlemen?
No, go on, De Waal. 
Go on.
I think Your Excellency should consider appointing Havelaar.
He's an extremely able civil servant.
He has been 13 years in the service and occupied responsible posts.
And he is related to Mr De Waal.
- That's beside the point.
He was not trained for internal government.
Lebak is a difficult, poor spot.
Havelaar is due for promotion.
- Not Lebak. 
He doesn't belong there.
He is not a proper official.
And he doesn't keep his distance from the black riff-raff.
I don't think we agree on the matter, Mr Hendrickx.
Horrible beasts.
They're fighting over the garbage.
Shall I shoot at them?
You can watch them eat each other.
No, don't do it, Max.
Poor creatures.
It wouldn't amuse me.
Papa, can we go and play?
With the dog.
Look.
One, two...
Bring it here. 
Good dog.
Your turn. 
Get the ball.
Papa, my turn.
- Yes, throw the ball.
What are you doing? 
Watch it.
- Hold him back.
He's going to drown.
My little dog...
Don't cry darling. 
He can swim.
He'll swim until he reaches land.
You mustrt lie.
- Max, what are you doing?
Max, don't be silly. 
Take care.
The sharks.
Captain.
Help. 
Help. 
Hurry up.
Help. 
Get my husband back.
Hurry up.
Change tack. 
Turn.
Hurry.
Hurry up.
We can't go faster.
- We won't make it.
Do something. 
Turn the boat.
He's got it.
Pull. 
Pull.
Why do you do things like that?
It's irresponsible.
Darling, all's well that ends well.
- You were just showing off.
Look how happy Maxie is.
- The sharks could have killed you.
Me? 
Dead? 
No.
I have too much to do in the Indies.
I have an important mission.
Yes, but do the sharks know that?
Here. 
Share this among your men.
They deserve it. 
They helped a lot.
What are you giving?
We can't afford that much.
For my life?
Have you seen her before?
They all look the same to me.
- You're not using your eyes.
Can you do nothing right, you monkeys?
Hurry up a bit.
Goddammit. 
A whole bale of coffee down the bloody drain.
Lazy monkeys. 
Clear off, you sod.
Sweep the coffee up into the bag and sew it up again.
Fetch a basket. 
Sweep up the coffee.
Listen. 
Look at me.
Listen, all of you.
And look at me, for Christ's sake.
That bale is now won'th only half as much.
You'll have to pay me the difference.
Everybody has to pay.
Each of you.
Do you understand?
Yes?
Get on with your job and quickly.
That'll teach them.
Nothing would go right in this country if it werert for us.
They're like children.
No sense of responsibility.
Boy. 
Fill me up.
Mr Havelaar.
Thanks a lot.
Sir is inspecting.
Sir...
Well, well. 
Look at that.
Now, now.
You're not her sort, see?
Too slippery.
Who does that bitch think she is?
The effrontery.
She's not making a fool of me.
How could you do that, Sir?
Us whites should stick together.
- That's right.
We must stick together.
But you're humiliating me... in front of those... brown monkeys.
Don't ever say that again.
Bastard. 
Traitor.
- Tut tut, lieutenant.
Surely you won't fight in front of them?
Monkey-lover.
You want to settle this as gentlemen?
Fine. 
The European way.
When and where you like.
You know the rules.
Where are your seconds?
I didn't want to wake them at this ungodly hour... just because two clods don't know how to behave towards the locals.
Well?
Come on. 
Don't you dare?
The rules are as follows.
The first who wounds his opponent and draws blood... will know that his opponent considers the matter as settled.
Ready?
Go.
Not been to the barber lately, lieutenant?
Let me help you.
Lieutenant.
Hush. I'll help you.
Is it bad?
Sit down. 
Stay calm.
Doctor, quick.
Take it easy. 
Keep calm.
The doctor will help you.
Hush, hush.
Quiet. 
Keep calm.
Stay calm. 
It's getting less already.
Help me, Tuan. 
Help me.
I've been treated unjustly, Tuan.
Silence. 
Are you out of your minds?
Each one in turn.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Late?
I've sorted them all out.
Grievances, tax cases.
Police matters, transactions and excise.
Tuan, I've come to seek justice.
Justice for my child.
You have always been just.
I come to seek justice for my child.
Tine.
Max, what's happened?
You're hurt.
Let me...
- Pussy, nothing's the matter.
Look, read this.
Read it.
From the Governor-General.
What does it say?
I've been promoted.
Max, I knew my brother-in-law would put in a good word.
You could be wrong. 
The Governor doesn't believe in nepotism.
Of course not. 
Where are we going?
- Java.
Lebak.
A poor region.
Poverty-stricken.
There is no trade.
No agriculture.
There's nothing.
- That's why.
We'll have only your salary, no bonus from the Trading Society.
We may have to live frugally for a year or two.
But why do you think he picked me?
- It's the system. 
It is your turn.
Lebak is the trickiest posting on Java. 
This is a test.
If I manage to put things right there, all doors will open to me.
The Council of the Indies.
And eventually Governor-General.
Do you think so?
- Absolutely.
And think what I can do then.
No, I've been selected.
The Governor has great things in mind for me.
You'll see.
Present... arms.
My Napoleon...
Good to see you again.
Glad to have you back on Java.
Ladies and gentlemen.
The Governor-General.
This way.
Our brother-in-law.
How are you? 
Pleased to see you before you travel to Lebak.
How are you?
My wife would like to meet you.
Would you follow me?
Allow me to introduce Mrs Havelaar.
Mr Havelaar, the new Assistant-Resident of Lebak.
Lost your way? 
Go downstairs.
The commandant will show you.
Commandant?
- That way, Mr Havelaar.
Splendid, isn't it?
Splendid.
That's what I'll miss most of all.
The garden.
Indeed.
Fascinating.
This is very kind of you, but your guests will miss you...
Ah, there are so many more important matters, Mr Havelaar.
Care for a walk?
If it's not too tiring for you.
So you are poor Slotering's successor.
Tragic case.
So young.
And his poor children.
- And then his wife, a native.
You seem to be on good terms with the natives.
I try to be just.
That isn't always appreciated.
But I can't change the way in which I serve.
Yes, yes... I respect that.
It's not right that Europe gets all the profit and the natives nothing.
They are people just like us.
With the same abilities and the same destination.
We're not the only ones to blame.
Their own Regents are guilty, too.
Here, on Java... there are sometimes famines.
Lebak is a difficult posting.
You had the Regent of Kendal banished?
I see you've read the reports.
He was exploiting them.
That's a pity.
Let's go on.
There remains a lot to be done.
I'll be retiring in a few months' time.
It's a pity that the post road doesn't come as far as this.
Thousands died in the construction.
- But the road got there.
A remarkable achievement.
I admire the maker.
We're stuck.
Tuan, the carriage is stuck.
- Go get some help over there.
Hey, come this way.
Quickly. 
This way.
Where are you going?
I saw some refugees. 
Fifty or so.
They went that way, away from Lebak.
That's terrible, Sir.
- There are two sides to everything.
People from Lebak are going to another region... where there's more work.
They're more respected there.
Useful.
A corpse.
A corpse... fancy that.
Murdered.
Isn't it driftwood?
It is so peaceful here.
Who'd want to commit murder?
I greet Raden Adhipatti.
Hasrt that lunatic turned up yet?
Where's your uniform?
Are you mad?
Havelaar is your boss, not mine.
There they are.
My regards.
I greet Raden Adhipatti.
I am delighted to meet the Resident.
Tuan Havelaar, this is the Regent of Lebak.
Tuan Regent, I am angry with you... for coming all this way just for me.
Taking all that trouble.
I wished to make friends quickly... with the new Assistant-Resident.
But a man of your rank... and of your age.
And on horseback, too.
Where duty is concerned I am still swift and strong.
Tuan Adhipatti is very...
- There are limits.
Conscientious.
- Fine.
You'll come back with us in the coach?
- Of course.
After you, Madam.
Pleased to meet you.
- It's mutual.
Make room for Raden Adhipatti... and the Controller.
Is the Regent always so conscientious?
He's a tough old bird and wants to make a good impression.
I've heard many things in his favour.
Are those his relatives? 
What a lot.
- He has to support them all.
We must be considerate with him.
I look forward to us working together.
So it's a poor region?
Splendid.
- Why splendid?
That means we can do a lot for them.
I hope to stay here long.
Come along.
Sir.
This is the Chief of Police.
Max, look.
What a beautiful house.
And look at the garden.
Just right for you, being outside.
Shall we go and get ready for taking the oath?
Then I can get back to Serang.
Ceremonial dress required.
I'm very busy, you see.
Come darling. 
Let's get changed.
Max, it'll look beautiful with the new furniture from Batavia.
But first... my uniform, for the oath.
Just leave it there.
Mind dear, don't cut yourself.
Thank you.
Good afternoon.
Who are you?
- Tine, my uniform.
Are you going to the Regent? 
To dine?
Will you be alone there?
No, there is a whole party of us.
It's an official function.
Oh, that's better.
Madam.
Who are you?
I live on your land.
I am the wife of Mr Slotering.
In the name of His Majesty the King.
The Governor-General of the Dutch East Indies is pleased to announce... the appointment as Assistant-Resident of Lebak of...
M. Havelaar.
He is to be shown the honour and respect... which is fitting to his position.
I swear obedience and loyalty... to His Majesty, the King of the Netherlands.
I shall unquestioningly obey all laws and decisions passed... and those yet to be passed.
I swear.
And I promise to protect the native population... from suppression, exploitation, and extortion.
I swear.
So truly help me God Almighty.
Can I go to Papa?
What's the matter, Tuan Demang?
Your son is double-crowned.
Only kings' sons are double-crowned.
He is obviously destined to accomplish great things.
I am sorry, Sir.
- I am so very busy, Madam.
I am leaving. 
You will always be welcome at my house.
And we shall keep in touch in writing of course.
Raise your head.
You've worked much too hard today.
It's such a responsibility.
How's Maxie?
- Sleeping like a prince.
Like a King's son.
There goes the watchman.
The mosquitoes live by the water in the ravine, behind the rose bushes.
You've already inspected everything?
- For Maxie.
Coming?
No.
I've got Slotering's papers on my desk to read.
The papers he was working on when he died.
Don't work too late.
Tuan Raden Djaksa.
You must have something important to tell me... or you wouldn't have come here at this hour.
You are working on poor Tuan Slotering's papers?
They talk of extortion.
Extortion and murder, committed by the chiefs.
If Tuan so wishes, I can supply witnesses.
What about the Regent?
I appreciate your conscientiousness.
But I don't want to know what happened in the past.
What happens from now on, that is my responsibility.
If any of the chiefs commit errors I shall talk to them.
In Celebes and Sumatra I have put down rebellions... by the power of my word.
Trust me.
How are Slotering's reports?
It's more serious than I thought.
Tuan Raden Adhipatti, Regent of Bantan-Kidul.
Raden Demang, you who are chief of the district.
Raden Djaksa, you who are chief of police.
All you Radens, Mantries and all you chiefs... in the department of Bantan-Kidul.
I greet you with joy.
I know... that many of you are great in wisdom and in goodness of heart.
I hope to add to my knowledge from yours.
I have read much that is good about Bantan-Kidul.
Your people own rice-fields in the valleys... and sawahs in the mountains.
And you all wish to live in peace.
Yet I have observed that your people live in poverty.
Therefore I am glad that God has sent me... to an area where there is much work to do.
Other people do not understand why this area lives in poverty.
For we have enough farming land in our country... and there is no lack of rain.
In many places the soil is soft and fertile... and only wants one grain of corn to produce a bushel.
Yet we are poor.
But not because God has punished us with calamities.
We cannot say:
'lt has been God's will.'
Chiefs of Lebak.
Our land is poor... because we have committed so many errors.
That is why our people are leaving this land... to seek work in Tjikandi...
Bolang, Krawang and Batavia.
That is why our people have taken to the seas... and go to the Lampongs in Sumatra.
They fight with kris, knife and gun.
And they die a miserable death there... because there is a government in power... that stamps out rebellions.
That's made them uncomfortable.
They're not drinking tea.
- There is an abuse of authority here.
Did you know that the Regent makes people work his sawahs for nothing?
You should have known.
The Regent treats his people as serfs, more than is legally allowed.
Did you know?
Why have you done nothing to stop it?
Nobody told me to.
You're a decent man, Verbrugge.
But you are scared.
The King is just.
But he is far away.
The Governor-General is just, but he is far away.
The Resident is just.
But he, too, is far away.
Who shall punish those who sell the law for gold?
Those who steal the pauper's buffalo?
Those who sell the harvest of the starving?
I would like to live among you on good terms.
Consider me your friend... I will be merciful to those who have strayed... for l myself often stray.
But I set my face against negligence.
Extortion and oppression... I will not even mention.
Such things shall not come about, isn't that right, Tuan Adhipatti?
No, Tuan Assistant-Resident.
These things shall not come about in Lebak.
Well, gentlemen, chiefs of Bantan-Kidul.
Let us rejoice in the poverty of our region.
For it means there is fine work for us to do.
Could I request an advance from Tuan Assistant-Resident... on the taxes I have not yet received?
Your Highness knows that that is impossible.
Don't be so difficult, Verbrugge.
- It's against the regulations.
I'll pay it out of my own pocket.
We'll live a bit more economically.
He had no right to that advance.
- Ah, 'right, right'.
The Regent has hundreds of relatives who claim their rights from him.
They eat him out of house and home so he extorts his people.
From necessity.
If we paid the chiefs properly, they wouldn't steal from the poor.
The new Assistant-Resident... spoke strongly to the chiefs, I heard.
And he warned them.
Just words, fine talk.
Good day.
You are very far from home.
Why aren't you working like the others?
And why carry a dagger among friends?
My buffalo died and I shall barter this kris for a new buffalo.
It's a beautiful kris.
An old one.
Is it a sacred heirloom?
Without my buffalo I can't work and then I can't pay my taxes.
Did your buffalo die?
Yes, Tuan.
Recently?
Yes, Tuan.
Before or after my speech to the chiefs of Lebak?
Before. 
Long before.
Why should I tell the truth?
Nothing ever changes anyway.
Now, look at this.
Real Dutch cauliflower.
To our dinner.
With real Dutch cauliflower.
The cauliflower is all we've got.
And an omelette for dessert.
We're economising.
A sweet omelette. 
Do you have sugar or shall I send for some?
I have some.
From Mrs Slotering.
A frugal meal. 
But surely you will supplement it with a story.
Yes, tell us a story, Sir.
Tell us a good story.
Do, Max. 
You do that so well.
Next time you are in France... go to Arles.
Or Nîmes.
Just go to Arles?
We're on Java, Max.
In Lebak.
- Six thousand miles away.
Anyway...
In Arles I saw the most beautiful thing I know.
Nothing... is as beautiful... as a beautiful woman.
What delights other people, always disappoints me.
Niagara, Schaffhausen, Tondano.
So boring.
Old buildings, sculptures, paintings.
Boring. 
They stand still.
They are dead.
Nature, hunger, thoughts and feelings, they move.
That's why a living, beautiful woman... is almost the ideal.
It's only Mrs Slotering.
Why is she creeping about?
Strange.
When you've lost your husband and you're expecting a baby...
Pussy, ask her to come and eat here.
- l've asked so often.
But she won't eat with us.
She's afraid of all other people.
All the women in Arles were beautiful.
All.
But you couldn't fall in love with one... because the next one would be even more admirable.
You lost your heart in Arles.
For a moment.
Because their features... had such nobility... that you felt ashamed you were made of flesh and blood.
That you werert a spark, or a thought.
But God help us.
Then one of them blew her nose.
- Oh, Max, you're spoiling it again.
She had a cold.
- Impossible, with such a pretty nose.
Watchman.
Watchman, come quickly.
Watchman, where are you?
Seize that man. 
There he goes.
Don't let him get away.
Running amok?
- Cook is with them.
Nonsense, they'd have run away.
She, afraid of other people?
What's the matter?
Don't get so excited.
There was a strange man over there, by the kitchen.
Perhaps a pedlar selling vegetables or chickens.
Perhaps, yes.
- No one to be seen, Madam.
That's different from pen-pushing.
Isn't it, Verbrugge?
Such peace.
Not a soul about.
Ask where they are, Verbrugge.
Where has everybody gone?
- Away, working for the Regent.
Well?
- At the Regent's.
Why are these people working here and not in the fields as they should?
The Regent? 
Has he a right to extra working days?
Put a stop to it, then.
Well?
All right, I'll do it myself.
Wait, Sir, wait. 
Calm down.
Be careful how you treat the Regent.
Why are the people...
Why are so many people employed cutting the grass... without my permission?
I gave them orders.
That is the custom.
Mr Havelaar, your predecessors always allowed it.
You have no right to make them cut the grass in your garden.
That's why their rice fields are neglected.
That is why there is hunger in Lebak.
Send them home, please.
I will, if you insist.
But it is too late by now anyway.
If I send them away now they can't work at home any more.
Hadrt I better let them finish the job here?
Send those people away.
- Yes, but...
Send them away.
I am waiting here until you do.
Tuan Assistant-Resident has an announcement to make.
It is an important announcement.
Tuan Assistant-Resident says you are not obliged... to do this work for the Regent.
You may go home.
My turn.
I'm winning. 
Watch it.
I'm not afraid.
I'm winning anyway.
Now I'll send it flying to the moon.
There.
Are you crying because you're losing?
Come and we'll play another game.
Is Maxie angry because he can't win?
Go and see.
Inah, what's the matter?
What's the matter?
Anything wrong? 
What is it?
- A snake.
Snakes.
And another one.
- Quick, hurry up.
Tuan.
Tuan.
All those snakes here.
Where have they all come from?
From the ravine, Djaksa.
It's full of weeds there.
They feel at home in weeds.
Is Maxie really all right?
- When I think about it...
Suppose l offer 25 cents for every dead snake?
We couldn't afford it.
Tomorrow they'd bring you a thousand.
You'd better not use the garden anymore.
You'd better stay indoors.
And Maxie, too.
You come with me now.
What are all those people doing here?
They've come to tidy up your garden.
But I didn't ask for them.
The Regent sent them.
He heard about the snakes.
I cannot afford to pay them.
I will not take advantage of them.
Let them be sent back home again.
Wrinkles.
Wily old bird, the Regent.
I did right.
Of course.
Good morning, Tuan Regent.
Tuan Regent, it looks as though you are expecting... a large number of guests.
My nephew, the Regent of Bandung, is bringing a hundred servants.
And the Regent of Tjandjur is coming with his staff... and an orchestra and dancers.
They have a share in the profits of the coffee.
They are rich.
It wouldn't disturb me if they carried on working.
Not at all.
Would it disturb you?
When I was on leave in Holland... I once treated all the orphans of Amsterdam to a day out.
Costly. 
That was very costly.
I'd like to help you financially to pay for their visit.
Only in the form of a loan to be paid back later.
All right. 
It is a loan.
I understand your position.
I, too, have relatives to support.
That is costly. 
Incredibly costly.
No Assistant-Resident has ever spoken to me like this before.
Not ever.
I shall have the money sent.
May I also have sixty men for the grass? 
That is customary.
You may.
A loan for the Regent.
Indeed, Sir.
I can't let him be without money.
- Of course not.
He won't accept a gift.
Only a loan.
- Pride, Sir.
His family is living off him.
Poor fellow.
Trying to buy himself out.
Peace cannot be bought.
Go on. 
Keep trying.
Father, is our buffalo...
Right?
Tuan Demang, what are you doing?
I am buying buffaloes, Tuan.
For money?
Without compulsion?
- Of course, Tuan.
Ask anyone and they'll confirm it.
You have all heard... that I promised to protect you.
Nobody need be afraid to answer this question honestly:
Are you selling your buffaloes freely?
You. 
You bartered your father's kris for a buffalo.
Are you also selling your buffalo to the Demang?
Yes, Tuan.
For how much?
Where is the money?
Show me the money.
I don't see any money.
Where is it?
I have no money.
But if the Demang says he will pay.
I believe his word of honour.
Anyone not willing to sell his buffalo... can tell me so now.
This instant.
This instant.
Hurry up. 
Get undressed.
Undress.
Undress.
Hurry up, you dog.
You feel sorry?
For the Regent.
And for the people.
If we paid the Regent more... the people wouldn't be exploited.
Whatever they say.
How can you stop it?
With gentleness.
Gentleness.
Tuan Djaksa.
Are you alone?
In the night?
In the ravine there are people from Badur.
There are some people in the ravine with grievances.
Be careful.
Where are they?
What have you come for?
The Demang has had all the buffaloes slaughtered.
Why not?
He paid for them.
He paid nothing.
He just took them, all.
Why haven't more people come to complain?
Because their clothes were taken.
That's why they couldn't come.
The buffaloes were slaughtered for the Regent's guests.
Bring them along to testify.
They have to make a statement.
We'll record it all.
Testify?
Against the Demang and the Regent, Tuan?
We are afraid.
There's no need to be afraid.
I promised solemnly that I would protect you.
Nothing can happen to you.
Now, will you testify?
Later, Tuan, if you wish it.
All right. 
Later.
I will speak to the Regent.
I definitely will.
Gently.
Get off the steps.
I want money for my buffalo.
Here.
What's happening?
- He's come about his buffalo.
Good, tea. 
Coming, Verbrugge?
- l'd like to finish this, Sir.
Mrs Slotering.
You'll take a cup of tea with us?
No, Tuan. 
Really, thank you.
It's impossible. I'd rather stay here.
Come along.
Always sitting in the corner.
All you can see here is the kitchen.
Papa.
Come on. 
It'll be nice.
Pussy, looks good.
I've got an appetite.
Do sit down, please.
What's on the table?
I may choose.
- Which one do you want?
That one? 
You shall have it.
With a fork.
I was wondering: 
Why do you never use our kitchen?
There is room enough.
- Please, Tuan Havelaar.
It's so difficult.
They're always busy here.
An invitation from the Regent.
He's giving a dinner for his guests.
Ceremonial dress.
You must not go, Tuan.
Why not? 
It is an official dinner.
Do not go, Tuan.
Why not?
They say that you are looking for people to testify against the Regent.
That's gossip. 
People will talk.
My husband did that, too.
You do know, don't you?
Yes, I have read his reports.
He was poisoned by the Demang and the Regent.
He died of a liver abscess.
- A liver abscess? 
lmpossible.
He'd been out riding that afternoon.
But that's a very serious matter.
You should have told the Resident.
The Resident and the Regent?
I am afraid of the Regent.
Was Slotering poisoned?
Answer me, Verbrugge.
He would have been poisoned if he had stayed longer.
So it's true that there is corruption in Lebak?
Well?
I daren't...
Then write down that you dare not.
Why daren't you speak up, Verbrugge?
Why so half-hearted?
is it because you have to support your sisters in Batavia?
Yes.
Write that down, too.
You go in with Babu now.
Pussy, darling.
I'm filing an official complaint against the Regent.
Should you, Max? 
Can you?
I have evidence.
Verbrugge almost admitted it.
Slotering was poisoned because of it.
- Poisoned.
Yes. 
We are in danger as long as the Regent is a free man.
Go with Maxie to Batavia until it is all over.
Then you'll be all alone here.
I won't go, Max.
I refuse.
I share everything with you.
Arles.
Now what do they want?
The buffaloes are all gone.
There he goes. 
Hurry.
To the river.
You go that way, we this way.
On foot now.
Heathens.
- There he is.
Spread out.
Someone for the Assistant-Resident.
- l'll call him.
Did you come here on your own?
Yes, Tuan.
There was a pool of blood...
They threw him in de river.
Good day.
If I had known that Tuan Resident was coming... I just dropped in.
It is not an official visit.
I came here because I wanted to ask you something.
Tuan Adhipatti... do you have any grievances against the new Assistant-Resident?
I have nothing against him.
I swear it.
Could it be, Tuan... that you would be pleased with a sum of money?
Put it down here.
Wait.
I'll give you a hand.
That should go there.
Sir.
The Resident from Serang is here.
-I know.
Did you know?
- Yes, it is important.
Would you come into the office?
-Why not here?
It is a service matter, he said.
Sorry, Pussy.
Put it against the wall.
Confidential. 
Urgent.
Mr Havelaar has requested me to disinter his predecessor's body.
To have the Demang of Parang-Kudjang imprisoned.
And to depose the Regent and keep him here under arrest.
Why did you not discourage your superior... from sending this letter?
Because... 
I knew nothing about it.
Come now, an official protest.
- Really, I didn't.
Was there no discussion between you?
-No Sir, honestly.
I have kept Controller Verbrugge out of this.
Sir.
A swom statement... that the doctorfound no poison in Mr Slotering's body.
Of course not. 
It's so subtle that a European can't find it.
If you twist it that way.
What do you accuse the Regent of?
The peasants are forced to work for him for nothing.
Well, that's the local custom.
They'd be ashamed if they didn't.
- He kills their cattle without paying.
It makes them happy to help feed his family.
Are they happy as well to be murdered?
That is a grave accusation.
I can prove it.
I have a witness.
Good.
We'll bring him before the Regent.
- The witness?
But she'll be...
No, I give my word of honour.
Resident, I have swom to protect the people.
I am bringing a complaint against the Regent and the Demang.
I'll produce witnesses, but I'm not bringing them before the Regent.
My word of honour means nothing to you?
I request you to withdraw this complaint.
Resident, I will not.
I will not do that.
There once was a man... who hewed stone from the rock.
It was heavy work.
And he laboured hard.
But his eamings were little.
And he was not satisfied.
And?
What is the Resident going to do?
He will do nothing at all.
It is a now a matter for the Governor-General.
He'll see that I'm right.
I'm convinced he will.
Is it safe?
Biscuits in cans from Batavia.
And the sugar is always kept locked.
It's cheap, anyway.
That's how we pay off our debts.
Soon you'll be made Resident.
I don't want to leave Lebak.
It's a sick place.
Has been for years.
But you can also help them if you're Govemor-General.
Dear Max.
Damn.
Have they got to starve that long?
Do you know what they're eating?
Sand.
Sand.
Could you eat sand?
Sand?
When people say, later on... that so many mothers died... and that I was to blame... you will know what I suffered.
Will he be in his office?
- Not at this hour.
Is the Tuan here?
Good moming.
I came to congratulate you on your promotion.
And I add my congratulations.
You mean you didn't know?
It was in the paper.
Assistant-Resident in Ngawi.
That'll cost you a dinner.
If you'd read the official mail first, before you saw the newspaper... you would have known that the Resident won the case.
That the Regent is innocent.
And that I'm dismissed with ignominy.
- You don't deserve that.
And as a sop they are offering me Ngawi.
Manipulation. 
Damned manipulation.
Half-heartedness.
Sir.
Sir... 
I am sorry.
RangkasBitung.
29 March 1856.
To the Govemor-General of the Dutch East Indies.
I had the honourto receive Your Excellency's letter... of 23rd of this month, number 54.
I see no otherway... but to reply... to the document... by asking your Excellency... if you would... discharge me... honourably... from the service.
Max Havelaar.
Thank God... that you can be yourself at last.
That at last, you will be yourself.
Goodbye.
Thank you for everything.
Where are we going?
To Bogor, to the Govemor-General's palace.
He is an honest man.
He must have been badly advised.
I shall speak to him.
And he will do the right thing to Lebak.
The Tuan speaks so well.
I cannot... I want to act.
I want to look for my friends.
They are in the Lampongs.
There is a Govemment in power... that is stamping out the rebellion.
I have nothing to give them.
- They're coming to see you.
Where is Adinda?
Fire.
Steady.
Aim. 
Fire.
Quick march.
Hey, get off.
Go away. 
Move.
Do you have permission?
- It's in order.
Have you come for an audience?
- His Excellency knows all about it.
Your name?
Havelaar.
Show the gentleman in.
Right here.
To the left.
Left here.
De Waal. 
Thank God you're here.
I thought I'd never get to see him.
Havelaar. 
What brings you here?
- Justice.
I'm seeking justice. I was dismissed.
- You resigned.
Yes, yes.
But His Excellency will rescind that.
I stood up forthe natives.
He thinks the same way.
They are people.
He said that to me himself.
He has whitlow on his foot.
He can't see anyone.
He'll see me. 
Forten minutes.
Half an hour.
He won't even receive the Director of Finances.
But human lives are at stake.
Rebellion. 
Hunger.
Theft, murder.
- He is busy.
In a few hours he'll be leaving for Holland.
Listen.
Listen to me.
Listen to me.
Out here... thirty million natives... are being abused... exploited... starved and murdered.
And all in your name.
In your name.
Exploited and abused.
In your name.
Almighty God, be merciful.
Bless us with abundance and let Thy shining light illumine us and make us prosper.
Let everyone who will
leam to walk this earth along Thy paths or righteousness.
And let the blind heathen now shut out from God's sight find salvation in Thee.

Then Diary, and this 'as:
Richard and Kendall were left last week and it' pretty weird.
I know that Kendall believes that it is not my fault, I have the strange feeling she's angry with me.
- Good morning, Kendall.
- Hello Kimmie,
I was just thinking.
- Good afternoon, Kendall.
- Hello Kimmie,
I was just thinking.
Goodnight, Kendall.
Oh, hello Kimmie, I I was just thinking.
Maybe it means nothing, but 'tomorrow put this behind my desk.
One never knows.
Super Fun Night - Season 1 Episode 12 - "Hostile Makeover"
Translation: pao9212, Minaca, Heather, Daenerys, 19kiki
Revision: 
Ellie
Subspedia Our subtitles for your TV shows
Kendall ... wanted to see me?
You ', while you were at lunch I tried the documents and put them in your office for the PowerPoint presentation that you will do tomorrow to the group.
Thank you.
- Are you busy?
- Not at all.
I reply to emails, I delete some contact on your phone rassodo and the inner thigh with a ball . 
What can I do for you?
I wanted to make sure everything was ok between us.
What do you mean?
Well, we were starting to become
A. .. 
I... that...
And now... 
I start to feel the tension , and for what I think might be and that 'happened between you and Richard.
Kimmie, if you're asking me if I think is your fault and for what 'success the answer' 'Yes.' "
E 'so'.
Ok. 
Well, I appreciate the honest '.
Now do not Cadro 'in the hatch or into a pit of komodo dragons, like James Bond?
- No.
- I was just kidding.
I would never do, Kimmie, are not a vengeful person.
- Well.
- What is 'success last week no matter more', I do not like living in the past.
Not even to me!
Except when I do Princess Kimberly at Barad-Dur, field adult fantasy dedicated to the renaissance more 'big state.
Plucked pheasants every day ♪ ♪
Under the apple tree ♪
It must be a joke.
Well Kimmie, and ' impressive collection of cardboard boxes.
E 'was Kendall, is taking revenge.
Blames me for your breakup.
I'm sorry.
I did not get you in the middle.
I did not want to hurt her either.
Kendall can not control his personal problems.
He fired his therapist 'cause helped her remove her emotions.
That's' cause he does things like that.
But it 's so hostile!
Kendall Quinn... hostile?
Then I will say that the saga Twilight and 'trivial.
Well, relata 'follow the model...
Come on, give me a box.
And let's go!
- Ok, good luck!
- Richard!
For me Kendall needs a good kick the 'below!
No, not physical violence solves anything, Kimmie.
It 's not true.
Of 'to your boss that haunts you.
I can not, deny it.
I have to catch her in the act, if not will not stop 'ever.
And that 'exactly what' it takes to do it.
You '!
'micro-camera that we bought to see if Marika and' sleepwalking!
In my defense I say that the dictionary was open to the word "Sandwich".
- It would be a defense?
- You '!
The hide 'in my office, so' I'll have 'all the evidence I need.
I wanted to shoot and what 'happened today.
Not gonna believe this!
- Oh my God, you're right.
- Just you.
- We are very happy to see you.
- Very happy.
We want you to do something for us.
We refer the look!
They just opened a beauty salon called "The Crown", a fine is not it?
And it 's free!
Everything 'we have to do' let us take pictures of before and after.
The thing confuses me 'cause usually do to those who need it. 
I mean ',
Not telling you to be a model, but...
I saw how the guys look at me, while walking with my Segway.
I'm like, "Watch out for that!"
I said, 'Would you like! "
The core of every patent infringement case and 'use without permission.
In the United States, all cases of infringement are covered by civil law .
Multinational But considering the scope of this case, can 'be applied a criminal violation.
Kimmie...
I'm sorry but... 
I have to stop.
This presentation is not and 'not at all professional.
- This is not 'it?
- It ', I know.
I know.
Thank you for changing it, Kendall.
Excuse me?
- I do not think so.
- Really?
Guys, seriously think
I'd photograph voluntarily with a custom horizontal stripes?
For Charity '!
Ladies and gentlemen, I call to witness ... brown teddy bear.
I'm sorry, what does that bear disgusting with your bad presentation?
The bear knows everything, Kendall.
For example, knows that a child
I was afraid of the monsters and I burned a pair of panties in the garden.
And he also knows that you snuck into my office , have tampered with this presentation and...
You ate the glazed donut for my afternoon snack.
Oh, yes'. 
Sure. 
I hate carbs during the week.
- Really ridiculous.
- Continue to deny it?
Well, then denies... this!
High-definition video camera that I pushed...
In the closet bear's back.
Let's look, shall we?
Log in office.
He sits down, use my computer.
And you can see how my disappears donut.
E 'clear, you want to embarrass me why ' accuse me of your separation. 
Guess what?
Did not work.
Oh, well. 
Let's see if I can do so '.
Hello to all. 
Kimmie and 'virgin!
What? 
No!
Listen to me, no!
I have a boyfriend, is called James.
We did a lot...
Of Things... romantic together.
- Please.
- Things sexy!
- You're a liar.
- You're a liar.
- No, you are. 
Stop it.
- No, you are. 
Stop it.
- 'Cause repeat what I say?
- 'Cause repeat what I say?
- What's going on? 
And 'terrible.
- What's going on? 
And 'terrible.
- Stop it! 
Are you out of your mind!
- Stop it! 
Are you out of your mind!
I can not believe we are here with HR , on Saturday.
I know.
E 'as in the movie "Breakfast Club."
I am the shy girl who does not want to talk you and the bad guy that beats all.
If this affects my career or possible promotions, I swear, Kimmie, you light ' regret that your boobs are created.
Well, at least my boobs were born.
Of your, instead...
I would not say...
Good morning, sir.
My name is Brian Headfoot.
- Saro 'your broker for the session today. 
- Hello, Brian.
So...
Looks like you two had a discussion yesterday.
Let's see.
Ok, modification of the work of a colleague.
- Nicknames.
- Destruction of a teddy bear.
- Excuse me? 
- He put my bear in the shredder.
Before the butt.
I'll give you a penny to buy it again.
Well, I would but I can not.
I had bought my grandmother, which 'died of old age. 
Are you happy?
- It '.
- Okay, stop.
You are here to learn the difference between appropriate behavior and inappropriate in the workplace.
Ok, I know. 
Sounds boring, not 'it?
But if we play the...
"Behavioral Bingo"!
Oh. 
It's okay.
- I do not play.
- Oh, no. 
No, no, no, no, no.
Let me tell you one thing, Miss Quinn.
I was a flight attendant.
Thank you. 
I know guys like you.
Do not turn off the phone.
Put extra luggage in the overhead bin.
Would you like your can of Coca-Cola.
'Cause we can not have it?
- We have our reasons.
- Okay, on.
- Let's stop and start.
- Ok.
Let's start with some exercise heating. 
Ready?
I would say so. '
I wish both of you said something based on the positive and trust the other person.
When you are ready.
Now.
Come on, the first thing that comes to mind . 
Only a...
Strength, does not have to be a complete sentence.
We're here to see Hayley and Heidi.
Who are you?
I am Helen-Alice.
And I'm Marika.
We are here for a change of style.
Oh, you came.
- Hooray.
- We are so 'excited to be here.
The main thing 'like a transformation, ' was to take my wisdom tooth.
Well, before you start working on you have to take a picture of the "before".
We must have messy hair and ugly clothes for the photo?
You '. 
You have been kind to do before coming here.
Smile or whatever you want.
- Perfect.
- Perfect.
- What '?
- It 's our gear.
We use it exclusively to "The Crown".
- Registered trademark.
- Registered trademark.
- I'm sorry. 
What?
- What?
Let's try another exercise.
This purse contains red and green marbles.
If you draw a red ball, you have to make a compliment...
At the other person.
If you draw a green, you have to reveal your fault.
Kendall , 'cause she does not start?
Oh, red. 
It 'a compliment.
Kimmie, I'm impressed by how you're so 'childish in a work environment ripe as a law firm.
- Ok.
- Kendall...
You are very, very good at wearing high heels and to be terrible.
Ok. 
All right.
Kimmie, you're a lawyer...
Kendall...
E ' very remarkable way in which you use the trick...
To cover your wickedness.
There are green marbles, at least ? 
Just... my fault.
E 'difficult.
Some people would say that they are so beautiful, that sometimes do not realize how both smart and experienced.
Come on...
Stop it! 
Enough!
Come on, so 'I ripped the bag!
Ok, first sfoltiremo eyebrows, then we will do the waxing mustache.
- I have a mustache?
- It '...
But I have good news! 
And ' easy to shave your face.
Now I know it feels like a princess.
Fara 'a bit' wrong, then tell me if worse too.
It 's like a flamethrower same burning my scalp.
Good. 
It's working.
It seems that the sulfuric acid is piercing my skull.
Perfect.
No. .. 
I'm trying to tell you that it hurts.
Hello?
Ok. 
Let's try a little role-playing game .
Kendall, she will 'Kimmie.
Kimmie, she will 'Kendall.
Kimmie wants me to do?
Ok, I will like eight pillows.
I'll need about eight sizes smaller.
Okay, ' a normal day at the office. 
Way.
Good morning, Kendall.
Have you seen Richard today?
I just want to tell you that... that if need anything, let me know 'cause I do not have a life and are in love with him.
No, I have not seen 'cause I was taken by look in the mirror all day.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, insults on your shoes.
I'm sorry, Kendall. 
I just wanted to tell you quickly that A :
I think you're beautiful, and B:
I hope you're not angry 'cause I always have fun with Richard with my shoes snow tires.
Kimmie, you're so 'smart but what I was going to say and' 'cause I should be angry, just' cause I'm a self-centered snob and I think I have beautiful legs, even if someone believes it sticks.
Enough!
You can not make so ', okay?
Do not're learning!
Do not're sharing!
This ' an essential exercise for team building.
One of you will build 'a bridge with popsicle sticks these , based on the instructions that will receive' on the other.
Okay? 
It will be 'better than me impressioniate!
Well, if you want to be impressed would have to buy icicles
Kimmie eat and watch.
Okay, yes'. 
And if he needed to keep you cool ,
Kendall would have preserved his soul!
Joking as you want but neither...
- What are you doing?
- Excuse me, I...
No one will leave 'this room until' will not see 'that you are able to work together so professional!
Ok, then put the last two pieces
Last post.
Done.
Let's see.
Okay, okay. 
You can go, now . 
Go. 
Thank you.
What? 
No, we were warming up.
Kimmie and Kendall ♪ ♪
We are a good team ♪ build bridges and ♪ build a 'friendship ♪
Normally you'd do other exercises...
But thanks to stress that I have procured i is appearing acne.
And tonight I have a blind date.
So I'm sure that will go 'well.
So...
another beautiful day for Brian Headfoot.
Hello, Brian.
Thank you.
So...
We have just built a bridge and passed around?
Kendall...
You have to admit that when we put our differences aside
We are a good team.
Who are you kidding, Kimmie.
Bridge I built that stupid just to go away.
It does not end here. 
Not a chance.
Then we will spend the next 20 years in the same office, to hate us?
Well, I do not know if your expectations of life are so 'long, but '.
- I could hear voices.
- Richard, what are you doing here on a Saturday?
Well, I came to work a little '.
But then I went on the internet and I saw "Pirates of the Caribbean".
"When you left me on that deserted
" you forgot one very important thing, mate.
"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."
Good God I need a drink.
E 'just one of those voices that you hear , do you know of them.
I said "I know it can be done."
Two minutes and it was in my head.
Helen-Alice, Marika, get ready to see you as women for the first time in your life.
I'm looking in a mirror...
Or a picture of Eva Longoria?
Oh, my God! 
They are beautiful.
Not with those glasses, no.
E 'that you dream about, then you think about it and then it happens. 
Excuse me.
What a change.
I'm really commuovendo.
- Do not touch.
- Do not touch.
I like it, guys! 
Who took it?
Guys,thisis 'thebestday'  of my life, the most' beautiful. 
Hey, you.
Hello, what's your name?
- Karen.
- Ah, perfect.
Karen, you and your ridiculous friends you please keep your joy for you?
I'm trying to have a drink.
What do you want?
Kendall, not stand it when people are angry with me.
Does it make my heart...
You know, there are thousands of others bar in Manhattan.
You ', but that' s the only one right in front of our office.
'Cause you're here, Richard?
Kendall, I think we should talk.
Everyone wants to talk.
No one wants a drink?
Look.
Look!
It 's very pretty!
Oh, my God! 
State silent! 
It 'a scarf!
Mica has not won the Nobel Peace Prize!
Thanks for doing all for free.
Well, 'our expertise spread beauty.
Oh, my God should be our motto.
But, like, and 'our motto.
And' ourexpertise spread beauty. 
E' perfect.
Sometimes I forget things.
That's why ' I have many tattoos of butterflies.
Great. 
So...
If I wanted to keep this train sexy always on the move...
What should I do?
Here's what you need: balm, balm for laying, smoothing balm...
Stop. 
Question. 
What 'the balm?
Mousse, cream, spray, paste, gel.
This cream, that for sure.
Oh, and this balm?
E 'on offer.
Oh, my God, and the 'cream for hands.
're Really nice.
What weird.
What? 
Shema.
- You did not know that it was the balsam.
- He's' shut up.
I have more 'success with you.
'm More 'lean on you.
They are more 'cute of you.
If you were to ask a stranger who should be with any Richard
- Would tell me.
- Well... 
It 's not entirely true.
Hey, you scarf!
Between the two of us, with whom should stay like this?
Oh, you do not have to answer, Karen.
And I love the scarf you're wearing.
Makes you look like a sexy version of "Where 'Wally?"
Lei
- What? 
Wait. 
Why '?
- It 's kind.
Thank you.
She 'who understands us.
Wow, I can not even convince a woman who dresses like Karen that are a better choice than Kimmie.
God, 'everything is so' easy for you.
What? 
Easy for me?
Are you kidding?
My life ' type a million times more' difficult than yours.
Do you know what it 'always be joke for how you look?
Being chosen last for ever?
Writing erotic fanfiction so 'pushed
That even on the internet tell you "and 'too'?
Kimmie, I think you should get to the point, please.
Ma .. 
What words should I type to find it?
- "Legs open." - "Legs open."
Kimmie.
My life and 'difficult.
Understand the pressure of being always first choice?
To know that people think you're got where you're just 'cause you're beautiful?
And to know that you all hate each other just because 'eat what you want
- and not get fat on a gram?
- Oh, I hate you.
Look, you two, and 'all my fault.
Kendall...
I did not want to hurt you, and I'm sorry that things did not work out.
Me too. 
I'm sorry too.
And if you have to get mad at someone, should be angry with me, not with Kimmie.
I'm not angry with Kimmie .
- Oh, yes', of course.
- I am not.
I wish I could hate.
It would be much more ' easier if I could ignore you, but I can not.
- 'Cause how many times you steal the office chair... 
- Was it you?
O call the Department of Transportation and put you on the no-fly list...
I'm sorry, what?
Give me a good morning every morning.
And I understand that, unlike the other...
You say seriously.
- Seen? 
I told you that 'kind.
- He's' Shut up, Karen.
Kimmie, not ' easy for me to say it, but...
In reality 'are not so' bad.
All this heat and ' difficult to bear for me.
Oh, wait.
I think this is a good time.
I read something.
Ok...
Now that we are officially friends...
I have to tell you something.
Disney Cruise.
Rate of the group.
Eight nights, seven days.
There will be all the characters famous. 
Mickey, Minnie...
The dog.
I know.
I know.
Who are we?
Kimmie, prepared to make a jump.
You will blow out your eyes.
In practice we will jump all over.
- Ok. 
Now?
- It '.
Fuck!
What do you think?
Ok, I state, and ' the first time that we recreate those looks, but with a little' practice learn.
Now it's up to you.
What's up '?
Well, I do not think we should become attractive all three at the same time.
Yes', he's right.
You're right.
Well, do not waste our look!
Let's see where they're going to blast these ladies tonight.
Well, I mean, not ' that we have to go for strength...
Drink non-alcoholic at the school for the blind in Manhattan.
Perfect.

Santo in The Mystery of the Black Pearl
Careful!
Get up on the right, and you head to the front, hurry!
Not a trace, he must be buried under the car
There's nothing to be done, let's go
I nearly got killed
But you'll be paid well, as you know
Here
Here
- Everything is ready 
- We're in luck
Oh, it's so hot
- Have you been here long dear?
- Just a few minutes
What day is it?
Thank you for remembering
It's divine
Do you really like it?
Like everything you give me
We have to celebrate your saint day in style. 
Where would you like to have dinner?
Anywhere, as long as I'm with you it's all the same
We'll to the most elegant place, the best
I'll be a little late, I need to talk to the impresario about the next show
Wait for me at my apartment in an hour
As you wish, I'll be there in an hour
It's that guy again
Don't get upset, it's nothing to worry about
How is that bum going to upset me?
His friendship is necessary to throw people off, understand?
I don't like it and I'm going to run him off
You have no reason to, you know there's no other man in my life
Stop joking and let's talk about serious matters
- You're going to have to travel to Panama 
- Panama?
Yes, a good bit of business, the one with the jewels, remember?
Eduardo is following this itinerary
You'll meet up with them there
These aren't kisses, are they?
This is what you get for messing with other people's women!
- Cowards!
- Get him in there!
Guard him well!
What happened friend?
I was assaulted
Are you injured?
No, just a bit bruised
Would you like me to take you some place?
Thank you, I can drive
- Well, in that case...
- You don't know how grateful I am
You're welcome
What happened dear?
Some coward who's in love with you had me beaten
What do you mean?
Yes, I just came to tell you you're a hypocrite and a liar
Watch your words, you're offending me
You've tried to play with my feelings, and I was dumb enough to believe you cared
You're unfair,
I've always truly loved you.
Someone's trying to seperate us
I love you Demetro, I love you
I'm innocent and I can prove it
You can really prove it?
I'll find out who the bastard is who had you beaten, I swear
Tomorrow in one of these ports they'll unload a valuable shipment of smuggled jewels
The ship will dock in Vera Cruz in the afternoon but it has stops in Panama, Cartagena and Lagueira
You must head to Vera Cruz as soon as possible Santo
Tomorrow at sunrise
Make sure you do
Let me show you something
These are the perpatrators. 
According to the Spanish police they're dangerous
Don't worry Chief, we'll take precautions
- Good luck Santo 
- Thank you
Tomorrow in one of these ports they'll unload a valuable shipment of smuggled jewels
The ship will dock in Vera Cruz in the afternoon but it has stops in Panama, Cartagena and Lagueira
You must head to Vera Cruz as soon as possible Santo
Tomorrow at first light
These are the perpatrators.
According to the Spanish police they're dangerous
- Don't worry Chief, we'll take precautions 
- So long
What time is Santo's match?
At 11 boss. 
Everything is ready, he'll die tonight
Take care of all the details
Death from a fainting spell, an embolism, whatever, but he must not get to Vera Cruz
That's all
- Go on, walk!
- Come on!
We can't make the deal here, it would be dangerous
We know we're being watched
It's confirmed, Santo is aboard.
We must watch and eliminate him
I doubt he suspects us
Santo is travelling in the same boat as the shipment
Marcus will meet them, you will meet him, understand?
- Should we eliminate him boss?
- That's the plan,
- but don't make noise 
- Understood boss
Well, so long
We'll keep you informed
Welcome to Panama
I'd like to see the canal, we've heard so much about it, right?
Yes, we're very interested
Not a problem, go to this address and they'll take care of you
Have fun
Excuse me, where is there some place around here where you can have dinner, dance and have fun?
There's a really good place two streets ahead
Thank you
- Our worries over Santo are over 
- Good job
He's finally fallen in to our trap
And no one will be able to accuse us of anything
Now we can work in peace. 
Are the unloading the merchandise?
Of course
Can I have a kiss?
We can close the deal immediately if you want
Escape
Good evening sir
We'll be with you shortly
We're being watched, don't bring the merchandise
Leave it to me, I'll take care of it
Santo, I'll be waiting for you #5 Plaza de la Mered. 
Wu Li
Waiter
What would you like sir?
Do you know where this plaza is?
Yes, I know it,
- it's two blocks from here 
- Thank you very much
A woman
- You've finally arrived 
- Yes. 
Now what?
I'm Wu Li
I know you were going to be attacked at the docks,
I couldn't warn you
It doesn't matter. 
I got your message
Come, sit
Come, we need to talk
Have you discovered something?
Maybe
I think I can help you
What's your price?
Would you like coffee or tea?
Tea please
Thank you
How much are you asking for?
What does that matter right now?
I'm naturally curious
There's a time for everything, don't you think?
Damn you, I fell for your trick
You'll pay for this
Boss
Listen to me boss
- Shall we play another one?
- Go on
There's news?
- A rematch?
- No friend, I'm leaving
I have lots of work. 
Move it
Now it's my turn
I had to drug you so they'd trust me, that way I learned their plans
The ship has left for Cartagena, that's where the buyers of the jewels are
You're not deceiving me? 
I don't like jokes
If I wasn't on your side I would have let you drown. 
I gave the order to save you
Yes, you're right
Get to work, watch out for sharks
Good, good, this lot is worth at least 10 thousand dollars
Let's go back
Thank you
Keep an eye out, he'll be here any minute now
Relax, I'll be ready
There he is. 
Finish him
Everything is prepared
I don't know what would have happened without you
It's dangerous to be alone around here
Your intervention was very timely
Truthfully, I was following you
That was fortunate
Everything has failed
End of the line gentlemen
This way, go on
Careful
- Good evening 
- Good evening
- Miss 
- Thank you
Well, looks like the trip ends here
Perhaps the route was a little long but I hope you had fun
What's the plan for tomorrow?
We'll visit Mr. Rodrigo's store
Can we swim?
I wouldn't recommend it, the water around here is dangerous
- Dangerous?
- Yes, there's lots of sharks
- What would you like 
- The keys to 202 please
Hello cutie
- Here you go sir 
- Thank you
I'm sick of you! 
I'll finish you off any way I can!
...and then we hit him all over his head
That's good, that's good
That wouldn't have happened before
We should get going, we can't talk here
Alright, let's go to your office
What a nice gathering
It's true, I didn't think there were still gentlemen like Mr. Rodrigo
The merchandise you brought this time is magnificent
I always try to bring the best
- Here's your money 
- In cash? 
Not pearls?
We've been backed up and Chedad couldn't go pick them up
How long would it be?
Well, maybe five days
- We'll be leaving in four 
- Maybe if he left tonight...
Would you be able to get them to me on time?
I don't know, I'll hurry
I think we'll manage it
Get down from there
Move it
- Boss 
- What's going on?
We surprised him
What are you doing here?
- Nothing, I was just looking around 
- This is the guy I mentioned
Ah, the famous Santo
Thank you. 
From what I've been able to observe, you'll be famous soon too
What you learned will be of no use to you
Beneath the mask of a gentleman there can be a villain
Bastard!
- To the castle with him!
- Let's go
Hold it
Watch him closely
I'm going to open it
- Forward 
- Go on, walk
These passages lead to the dungeons of San Felipe's castle
Go on, walk!
- Are they well known?
- No one knows of their existence
Move it
No one has escaped here alive
Should I take care of him?
No, I don't want any bloodshed
Calm down, I'm not going to hurt you
No one ever escaped from here, we've been condemned to die
Soon you'll be like me, a human ruin, a pile of misery!
Now he won't bother us anymore
- You think?
- Sure
Now Lucas will come looking for you
Don't worry, I'll be back on time
Catch him!
Help!
Thank you
The plot is unraveling, they trade the diamonds for pearls
This way they do business on both sides
How long would it take to get to Lagueira?
- Three hours, give or take 
- I'll have to catch up with Davila
- I'll go with you myself 
- Alright, but we mustn't draw attention
Davila is heading this way
This is the zone where the pearl banks are
With a good car I think we'll arrive on time
I need many pearls, I'll pay you well
Waters very dangerous, my men not want risk
Don't play games now
You always have a good stock of them
Give them to me!
Not so fast friend
You'll get your payment later
Wait for me here Lucas
I'm looking for a big man interested in buying pearls, they call him Davila. 
Do you know him?
Mr. Davila comes by here often, he came by here two hours ago heading to the Guahira village
Thank you, is it far?
No, you'll be there before the sun sets
Thank you friend
That's a nice specimen young man
Let me see them
They're magnificent
If you give me the whole lot I'll bring you more money tomorrow
We could do good business together. 
Come, give me the pearls
No trust you, when you bring money
Here's your pay imbecile!
Here, you've been paid in lead!
What's going on?
They killed our chief Chakiro, he's one of them
What do you have to say?
I didn't do anything, it was Davila and he fled
We'll take him to the law.
This man must be judged
Our law is better than your law, a life for a life
Enough talk, let him go
Let's go
Nothing
Hold it, put your hands up
It was in self defense, I'm no murderer
Chief Chakiro stole my money, you have to believe me
We'll clear this all up. 
Get in
Santo calling
Watch the dock exits closely
Aren't you thirsty? 
I need a drink badly
My throat is as dry as a desert, please
No, wait and don't move!
Look, there's a bar right over! 
We'll be right back
He mustn't find out he's being followed
Wake up
Damn, he hits harder than I expected
Isn't that what you were hoping for? 
Let's go
Maam
Thank you
Everything's gone perfectly, surely our friend has already picked up the merchandise so tonight you'll be able to board and continue your trip
You're simply marvellous
What would we do without women?
Be bored
Mr. Andres!
It's for you
Please excuse me
- Why have you come?
- Listen, help me
Calm down, you're making people suspicious
Santo trapped me but I managed to escape
Let's calm down. 
What happened to the pearls?
I have them well hidden
- I'm going to put them on the boat 
- Hurry up
- They'll be in their usual place 
- You'll come with us
It's a shame your stay in Caracas can't be prolonged
We have to return to Europe
- The police!
- Let's leave through the back
We can get out quickly through here
Good evening Commissioner, is something going on?
Where are they?
Who are you talking about?
Che Davila and Andres Cortez, they're wanted for murder
We know it all, you're under arrest
You get on the ship
- Who are we waiting for?
- It's better if we get on seperately
No, the police is after me, they're gonna catch me!
Take me, take me!
I can't waste more time, the ship is about to leave and those people are surely aboard
Good luck Santo, and I congratulate you for your work here
Thank you
Let's go
I'm sure he has the pearls with him
It'd be a shame if the leader escaped
What will happen to the girl?
It's very likely she'll be found guilty, maybe three or four years
I understand
The ship's just arrived, let's go over there
Andres Cortez? 
My, what a small world
Would you come with me? 
You too Miss
Go on, and forgive the inconvenience.
I'm sorry but you're also a suspect
This is too much
Follow me
We'll check this luggage, you check the lady
What?
Officer, open the luggage
I'm telling you you're wasting your time
Quiet you
These are just my personal effects, nothing more
If that's so then don't worry, we'll let you go
Inspector, we didn't find anything
Thank you Miss
Forgive me Mr. Cortez, you can go
I'll lodge a complaint with the embassy
You'll be hearing from me
Just as I thought, the pearls are still on the ship
And what about the murders?
We don't have enough proof
What do you plan to do?
The wildcat, upon being set free, will search for prey
You can count on our help
Thank you, but I'm on vacation and would rather work alone
- Goodbye gentlemen 
- Goodbye
You know what you have to do with Wu Li
Now we must seperate
Be very careful, it's better if she doesn't know
Agreed, I'll wait for you on the ship
Keep an eye on her
Thank you Miss. 
Santo, is that you? 
It's Wu Li
Wu Li? 
I just got your report
I'm being closely watched. 
I'll wait for you in an hour at the docks,
I think this is the end
- Listen- 
- I can't
They're over there
Wu Li has disappeared, she's surely betrayed us
It's possible. 
Could she be with Santo?
He'll find out where the pearls are
Come, get on quickly
We have to find her, if not they'll get the drop on us
Yes, we have to hurry
Let's go
As soon as I get the pearls we'll go into hiding, we'll return to Spain later
It's better if they don't see us
We have to act without getting too close
Try to get back as soon as possible, the ship is about to set sail
We have to hurry
- You have to go after him 
- Yes
They're finally in our grasp
We have to get back quickly, let's return to the docks
Give me the pearls
What are you doing?
We've finally gotten away from all of them, including your good friend Santo
The boss' accomplices worry me
I'll get off in Barcelona like nothing happened, they'll think the boss ran away with everything
In the meantime I'll make sure our package isn't lost
And no one will suspect you
I'll spend some time in Spain, and then I'll follow you to Geneva
For now we must avoid being seen together
I think some sun would do us good, but first let's have a drink,
- does that sound good?
- Alright
I'll call the waiter
Listen, bring us a cold bottle of champagne and two glasses. 
Thank you
Two little angels, and I trusted one of them
Come in. 
The waiter is here
Good day ladies, you ask and I'll serve
Would you like a bit of champagne?
I assure you there's nothing better to lift your spirits
Alright, we'll talk a bit while you get some sun
Thank you
Take note, I want to send a telegram
Yes sir
Police Chief, Mexico City, Federal District
The time is perfect and the voyage magnificent, I ask for permission to take my vacation
I am in the pleasant company of two lovely ladies who have also earned themselves a long vacation on the state's tab with all expenses paid. 
That's all, thank you
Very well
Ladies, to your health. 
Have a nice trip and take advantage of the sun since you'll be in the shade for a long time
The End

Athens Airport Sunday, June 27, 1976
Arrival in Tel Aviv - 11:35 Departure to Paris - 12:25
victoria Entebbe
Ground control of Athens.
This is the Air France flight 139.
lnstructions, please.
AirFrance139.
Take456Bon theright.
Turn 32North .
Confirmed. 
Air France 139.
August 00:03:34.767 -- 00:03:36.564 Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
Commander welcomes you aboard ...
Yes, thank you.
Thank you.
Send a telegram from Paris wait for you in New Yor'k.
Mother? 
Sit well, the plane will take off.
- Have a box.
- Who?
A tin the leads between the feet.
It is with dates.
What?
For what it would take a can of dates?
You can get anything inside.
A gun, a pump ...
Mother!
Rather have flown on El Al.
- There were no tickets.
- I do not like Athens.
I know, awful security measures.
You can go to Athens anywhere and no luggage when you look passes through the lobby traffic.
Athens Tower, Air France 139 on 32 West.
Request permission to take off.
PermissiongrantedAirFrance139. 
ElectronicConnection goingfrom2.000to3.000feet. 
Roger, tower Athens.
Air France 139.
Air France 139 passage of 2000-3500 feet.
AirFrance139, asetcourseJanuary798000 willgoabove2000ft.
Received Air France 139.
You have taken tranquilizers?
All I have here.
Little effect are going to do. 
I told you those were to take before boarding.
I forgot, I felt like going to the toilet.
I do not think my uncle lives in Paris, but close.
I also have an uncle in Paris.
It has a carpet business.
As all my family.
For real?
Do you?
Be quiet! 
All sit quietly!
Be quiet!
Be quiet!
Sit quietly!
Do not touch anything. 
Wishbone of Granada is connected.
If the lost will explode.
What course take? 
And do not lie!
Instruments were read.
We are on January 79.
Turn left into 185 and up to 30.000 feet.
I'll have to report the change of course control tower at Athens.
Listen to me ... 
I know what I get, I am very well trained.
If you force me to open my hand,
The jump ring and 4 seconds it will explode.
Understood?
Rumbo 185.
Hold it! 
All sitting!
Nobody move!
Pleasenotethatthe PopularFront fortheLiberationofPalestine,
CheGuevaraGroup andGazaBrigade hasfullcontrolofthis flight.
Ifyouarestilland Wedonotinfusesuspicions, willsufferno damage.
If,however, someonepullsagun orsharpobject, willkillyouimmediately.
Theyhaveto obeyusineverything orforceus to act andwealldie .
Israel
I've heard all I had to hear her good intentions.
These villages as well-intentioned will survive despite being subject Arabs, hundreds and hundreds ...
- Rabin ...
- Let me finish.
Any decision to be taken, we will take here in the cabinet.
It is clear, gentlemen?
And if I consider myself an effective Prime Minister and I will be above all,
I will not consent to a band Wild make policy.
- Yes, but I would say ...
- I know your position.
As Minister of Defence, maybe you get convinced.
But who convinces Washington?
We need help from Washington to buy new systems modern equipment and missile defense that only the United States will give us.
Gentlemen, attention:
Radio monitors reported the Air France flight 139 en route from Tel Aviv to scale in Athens, is out of control.
Last Post at 12:54, 25 minutes ago.
Or has crashed or has been kidnapped.
Iban many Jews?
The intelligence service of Ben Gurion gives a list of 83 Israelis.
Maybe more, with dual nationality.
They spent 240 passengers taking off from Athens.
Athens? 
In Athens you can go cannon with increased immunity.
Now try that in the meeting of the crisis committee.
Simon, you have direct line with controllers flight and communications.
We'll see you in your office in half an hour.
- It is the Chief of Staff?
- Yes, it's not a bad idea.
Simon, if a kidnapping love all the details via the Intelligence Service.
Give me lists all passengers of all flights arrived today in Athens.
You review them to see if any Arabic, Japanese or South American.
Rabin? 
Where are you going?
When bathing, do not know when I can go again.
Come to my order Intelligence Service.
Localícenme George Habash, Dr. Wadi Haddad, leaders of Black September Fatah, PLO, etc.
General Gur's very urgent.
Think it is sensible Granada be with you?
Why?
I think they are nothing professional.
If we turbulence, could fall.
Now that I'm worried.
Your pilots the plane.
It's German, is not it?
If a bullet passes through a glass or wiring, flew through the air.
I am prepared to die.
You're ready to die, but there are many people in this plane, there are children, women ...
I know what I'm doing.
I keep a very detailed plan.
I guess you will not want to land somewhere very safe ...
Fuel is not unlimited, I knew it?
There is sufficient.
On the left, fuel to 3  I  4.
Right tank, 3  I  4. 
Arrives.
Instruments were read.
Keep the route.
Congratulations, you can sit?
No.
I have given instructions.
185. 
It is 5 degrees sideways.
I do not want to kill him.
I have to direct my hate instruments.
Come on!
Come on!
Do not leave until the reserved or kill us.
They're going to kill us!
Shut up woman not draw attention.
- Where are you going?
- I want to help this woman.
- Stay out of trouble.
- I give you my word,
I am an old man, I have lived the Holocaust.
What gives life knows? 
Nothing.
I was in Auschwitz, and I know.
Want some chocolate?
They are Israel.
They are delicious, try.
You want one?
They are excellent.
You, girl, come on!
Come on.
I do not feel good.
I can sit down? 
It makes me nauseous.
Come on!
The next woman!
Thebelow!
- Some weapon?
- No.
- Knife?
- Nothing.
Follow. 
The following!
Women need women!
- Want a chocolate?
- No.
Thanks, I can not.
The following quick!
What's this?
The small bottle is for blood pressure, the largest are tranquilizers I take them when I need them, but never more than six a day, brown is for the heart and this ...
I do not remember, is another concoction.
Saccharin ...
Hands up!
Hands up!
Hi!
Hands up!
Calm down, I have already registered.
What are you doing here?
Nothing, I'm handing out chocolate among the passengers.
- Chocolate?
- Want One?
No.
Want one?
Come on, hurry!
They say that chocolate is better in Paris but I have another.
You are very kind!
Out of here!
Return to your place.
Chocolate is very encouraging, but Air France There is an inviolable rule,
Only flying personnel You can enter the cabin.
Thank you.
Get out of here!
One at a time.
One by one toilet.
Do you understand?
- I thought you said ...
- Be quiet!
Mother, I'm sure you're okay?
- Yes, I'm fine.
- For real?
I took a Valium before take off. 
I'm quiet.
Comeon,comeon...
Schnell,Schnell!
The woman is a Nazi.
Mom, do not fret.
I'm not excited, I took a Valium.
But she is still a Nazi.
- Excuse me, my name is Aaron Olav.
- How are you?
I belong to the reserve, 43 Tank Brigade, serve 45 days active every year.
Do you say?
- About what?
Look into the hallway.
No, no ... carefully.
See? 
That does not look rabble leaving the basin.
Yes, it's true.
Suppose I go to the lavatory.
Behind them, at that time, You start walking and again ... 
There.
What is it?
We do with them and ran.
Understood?
Mr. Olav, suppose, just a guess, we got 3 master terrorist with guns and grenades.
We keep talking about a hypothetical case ...
Who would imagine you just announced by the speaker to about a kidnapping?
Where will it stop?
A man willing to do anything.
And where do you think that is?
In the cabin, with a gun Captain's temple.
- But if we take these three ...
- Mr. Olav, we are at 22.000 feet.
If a bullet passes through the window or Granada explodes, we all die.
The kidnappers are ...
are more scared than us,
Probably.
So you have to tread warily.
If you suspect something, will fire.
Until we land, continue in constant danger.
Afraid?
Of course I'm scared.
Anyone who has not an idiot.
Hey, I am an Israelite.
I will not stay seated I must do something!
Mr. Olav, I am an Israelite and now, remain seated is rational if you want to live.
He is afraid.
I'll do it on my own!
Mr. Olav, my son Much has been
Brigade on 43 Montes in Gola but I never had the opportunity to meet someone who had served in it.
You are a hero. 
Encantada.
I guess it will be tired to hear praise.
Who knew you from the 43, Benjamin?
His name was ... 
Captain ... 
Margolitz.
... There was Lieutenant Margolitz.
If Max Margolitz.
Yes, I think I was a lieutenant.
Tell me, Olav, what happened to the 43 in the Yom Kippur War?
We were going to take the hills.
The tanks took to the open field ...
AirFrance139 ControlBenghazicalled.
Benghazi?
AirFrance139... 
- As?
- Wait ...
ControlofBenghazi, planeundercontrolofthePopularFront PalestineLiberation
CheGuevaraGroup, GazaBrigade...
- What is this?
- What do you think?
Callsrunwayto land.
We will have a clearer idea when we know their demands.
We already give for granted.
The same old story:
release of terrorist prisoners.
Kapuchi, the Japanese and the whole list.
Diplomatically, It could not come at a worse time.
- What do you mean?
- Diplomatic Consequences ...
Do not make me laugh with their damn diplomatic consequences ...
Friends, have put us in a situation that what is done or not you do is wrong.
If we do nothing, we are weak.
If we negotiate with terrorists, we are also weak.
Try to divert fire gunpowder.
At least now it is the airplane on the ground.
But not for long.
It is in Benghazi. 
The Libyan government not going to allow them to stay.
Gur, who commanded the action of Lot 72?
Sharon.
He's maneuvers in the Negev.
Call him. 
Dale ... who are Best colonels?
- Mottan.
- That Sharon comes.
Rabin, an official statement?
It's the last thing you do.
- But we have no choice ...
- No!
Do you understand? 
If I eat Prime Minister's I implies acceptance by Israel your responsibility.
At this time, the rest of world is with us.
We keep with us.
Rabin ...
Surely there will be 100 Jews on that plane.
We have to give explanations.
Okay, but give your opinion the Minister of Transport.
Making it clear that the main responsibility of France.
The plane is yours.
However, take Israel all necessary measures to protect Israelites onboard.
In politics and other fields.
What other areas?
What other areas Mr. Prime Minister?
How would you like to know? 
Before I'll have to meet their demands.
But will be provided.
They threaten to kill hostages, no?
Unfortunately.
They will demand the freedom of terrorist prisoners ...
And when they threaten the hostages ...
Our policy will be the same, no?
The Government of Israel will not negotiate with terrorists!
Simon, you know that already negotiated before.
I will not close my doors by trampled a political phrases!
Is that going to change our policy, the Government of Israel ...?
According!
Our policy will not change.
The Government of Israel will not negotiate with terrorists.
BENGASl, LlBlA
While stopped in Bangasi,
Explosives are connected to the gates.
If there is any problem, would be detonated.
Entréguennos their passports, Visas and documents when they are ordered.
Who hide a document, will be severely punished.
You think that's bad?
Perhaps.
And if it gets more serious?
Maybe that's released.
- What's up?
- This woman is sick.
Out of here!
It is seven months pregnant and is in pain.
His pulse is weak and contractions.
Contractions?
If contractions when a woman begins to ...
- Contractions? 
I do not understand.
- But I do understand, I'm a nurse.
And it could have an abortion.
He wants to be responsible for the death a seven months pregnant?
It does not reflect human concerns the revolutionary movement?
You have to call a doctor.
Please inform me.
You will call a doctor.
Everything will be fine.
I know how many terrorists are.
They have automatic weapons and grenades.
It would be very important that this information is known.
Who are you talking about now?
I do not know, but it came at the Peugeot.
Palestinians!
It should not be a consul French in Benghazi.
Maybe it takes us from here.
You can try, but the Consul have very limited power.
What do you mean?
- How do you know?
- I have been one.
The goal of any diplomat below the position Ambassador is to avoid taking liability whatsoever.
- We can do something.
- I do not think so.
We are in Libya. 
An Arab country funding terrorists.
At least we're on the ground.
It is an improvement.
I hope so.
Passports and documents.
All documents!
- It's just my driving license.
- I said that all documents!
Inglés?
Sure. 
Have you noticed my Anglo posture?
Mother, armed terrorists little sense of humor,
I can not ...
- They did not listen!
Mother, you have to understand This situation is very dangerous!
Benjamin, why do not you take one of my tranquilizers?
- Y?
- I have a radio in Libya.
Watch out, here comes one.
It was in Arabic. 
I did not understand everything, but I think they'll restock.
People know?
Those at home?
Sure. 
There will have been a statement from Paris.
My mother has to be climbing the walls.
She did not want to go to Paris.
He cares so much! 
I think all mothers are alike.
- My mother died.
- That is awful!
Been a long time.
Then I lived in kibbutz in Carmel.
I do not remember much of it.
Mine cried at the airport ...
Everyone was watching ...
I was so embarrassed!
My mother is horrible!
Edra? 
Edra?
Where are you?
Edra ...
You've heard the radio?
Yes ... you have food on the table.
What have you heard?
What plane?
Yes, there is orange juice.
If you want I pick it up the refrigerator.
For God's sake, What talk is this?
Chana is on the plane.
With the terrorists!
I'm thinking ...
That should not wear that red tie.
What red tie?
The neck.
It says nothing on the radio.
She wanted to be more to go to Paris.
You can die!
And you keep talking about the loop!
Suppose ... suppose release the children.
They will not see ...
it's a girl.
The deemed a woman!
Not!
You always said, with greater conviction, that Israel should never negotiate with terrorists.
That's not fair!
When they kidnapped Belgian plane you said you could not succumb to the terrorists.
Edra!
Then Malat, when they killed the children!
- Please ...
- It's not what you said?
Yes.
That's what I said.
- Lsrael not negotiate with ...
- Shut up!
Listen, Edra ...
There must be something. 
Not only There Israelites on that plane, but French, American ...
You will find a solution.
They negotiated and everything will be fine.
Israel not ...
Why?
do not save lives ...
My daughter ...
They will ...
Chana ...
Take off that red tie ...
Attention please:
Ladies and gentlemen, again their seats immediately.
Far have cooperated well.
And,foryourinterest, continuetodo so  fortherestofyour trip .
Let'stakeoff assoonas possible.
We will fly to their final destination.
Final destination ...
The cruise of this plane is 670 Km  I  h, flying took 2 hours and 15 minutes,
this makes ...
- 1 507 'miles.
- That's the way.
- Does it matter where we go?
There is quite a difference. 
If it moderate Arab government, may exert pressure on terrorists.
Moderate?
There are some moderate Arab country?
Could be ... unless Sudan.
Khartoum. 
The PLO is very strong here.
Or Somalia, has Habat headquarters there.
And what's the difference? 
The important It is what we do.
What can we do?
Hey ... if they return to land They open the doors.
They will return to put the boxes in them, Explosives
- Then take advantage.
- Mr. Olav, lower your voice, please.
Why send me down?
What is going to require me? 
Education?
Hey, I am an Israelite, uneducated.
Do not want to share plan with terrorists.
I go to the bathroom.
And when you leave there ... 
I give in full.
Mr. Olav, lower, please.
At that time, two men jump on terrorists and ...
Olav, shut up!
Where we think carry Mr. Olav?
You must have a lot of experience military, where they are going?
What?
My son says to Khartoum.
On the other hand the Sr ...
Haroun.
... Says Somalia. 
My opinion is ...
- I believe that India.
- Lndia?
Why not? 
I was never in India.
They say that there are abundant erotic temples. 
I never saw any.
That is ridiculous!
It would be the first time refuge in India.
Everyone gives their opinion.
Tell me about yours.
I do not know!
Think about it. 
When you decide to tell us.
India? 
India ...
- You're serious? 
India?
- Of course!
Or China.
They are circling Thevi, Uganda.
Maybe go to Nairobi, but what will they do there?
There are 4.000 "miles.
Came the report of Secret Service in London.
Pregnant woman freed in Benghazi.
This information is from an hour ago.
He said he came 4 terrorists in Athens:
two Arab, a German man and a German woman.
It is broadcasting ...
Continue.
You have not identified the Arabs,
German may be William or Wilfred Buze
German terrorist group Baader-Meinhof.
Request permission to land.
Fuel running low.
German could be Gabriela Tiedmann-Krieger, who participated in the kidnapping of OPEC ministers in Vienna.
They are allowed to land.
They are armed with guns and grenades.
The explosives are hidden cans dates.
They put in aircraft doors.
They are approaching the runway.
Ground.
- It's ironic ...
- What?
Uganda.
When Herzl convened a Zionist conference in 1903, the possibility of several studied places other than Palestine, to the Jewish homeland.
Uganda was one of them.
We want everything Files in Uganda.
ENTEBBE Monday, June 28, 1976
They are Israelites!
They'll get us out of here!
Do not think they are Israelites.
They are Jews.
Look at that, is what I'm saying.
Do not think they are Jews.
Where did they come from?
Possibly Kampala.
At about 30 'away. from here.
Who are they?
Arab.
Arabs do not see it? 
... 
Arabs.
Note.
Attention,please.
He speaks the aircraft commander under control of the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine.
We appreciate your cooperation during this trip to their final destination.
Youhaveto understandthatwedo notwant hurtanyof you.
Wearenotmurderers.
Weareinterestedinwhat propaganda theworldsayaboutus.
Ourgoalis to call attentionofworldopinion atthecauseofthePalestinianpeople  oftheirlandsand rights againstJewsandcolonialism.
Themurderersnotus buttherealterrorists aretheIsraeligovernment killinginthename ofthesupposedtruth.
... I am a human being.
And ... 
I do not want to kill them, but   I am very tired ... and a little confusing.
The image ... work of a lunatic.
legsfreelyCan stretch downthehall, butnotapproach totheopendoor.
Becareful andnotfall.
Well ... 
The nightmare is over.
It's over.
- What did I tell you?
- We're saved!
We have been saved!
What's up?
Remember when I was here in 1973 with the technical assistance program?
I saw him before he was expelled.
Who is it?
ldi Amin, President of Uganda.
When I was here, his project was to build a monument.
To whom?
At Adolf Hitler.
Move it!
Move it!
Why stop here?
Move it! 
Move it!
Sign in!
Come on! 
Quick!
For inside! 
Quick!
Move it!
I need to go to the bathroom.
Excuse me, but my son trips to the bathroom.
Thank you.
Warning!
Attention,Please!
I want to remind you that remain under the command of Che Guevara Group and the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine.
The explosives were placed inside and outside the building.
If there is resistance, do not hesitate fly everything and everyone.
Soon the food.
Bathrooms and water are down the hall.
That's all.
You will receive further instructions later.
Sit down, mother.
I prefer standing.
- Come on, mom ...
- Sit.
You're not surprised?
What is not over yet? 
No.
That's the reality in this part of the world.
These things do not happen without a political reason.
We are caught in the middle game.
- Are you okay, Mom?
- It's hot.
Forgive me.
I have to take some actions.
Captain, there's nothing I can do.
There is always something we can do.
With an armed guard?
Requirements. 
Simple things.
Les recalls We are people, they realize it.
lnvolucrarlos our survival.
Captain, when the time comes will be willing to kill, subtleties and nuances psychological not going to help.
But will delay the arrival of the final solution.
- Dust!
- What?
This place is dirty, it should be cleaned.
Lady has reason, I'm going to ask have it cleaned immediately.
Wait for the woman to leave.
But if I say that there are children and ...
This will kill the children first.
Mother!
Benjamin, do me a favor, stop calling me 'Mom!
' 'as well.
Captain, ask the German man.
He does not want to be loved.
Maybe, but it was threatened to blow us all.
Yes, it will make us explode.
But anyway, not to be armed.
- Is it?
- Yes, it is.
The fat.
One and accurate on the belly and falls ...
He is a clown!
Not a clown.
Remember, we can see as a child, or a fool, if you will, but it is much more dangerous than that.
Know what to do to stay in power.
It has killed thousands and will not hesitate to kill more.
Back, back ...
For those who do not know me,
I'm the quarterback Dr. ldi Amin Dada.
I welcome you to Uganda country which I am president.
I hope that your stay in my country as pleasant as possible.
I have negotiated for their safety Palestinians who have captured them.
I convinced her to let you down the plane and go to the terminal.
What are you doing?
You are with the terrorists.
I know, but that does not matter.
Yes, change your mind, we could do something.
Who is that handsome does change his mind?
Yes ... 
I have many friends in Israel.
General Moshe Dayan He is a great friend of mine.
I have here a honor him. 
Look.
Are the Israelites paratroopers.
See? 
My son also wears Paratroopers of the Israelites.
My son has a Hebrew name.
Her name is Sharon.
I was in that hotel lsrael.
I had fun at the Sharon Hotel.
I have another son Gemal called Abdul.
Therein lies the problem.
The Palestinians must have their own space.
The Zionists stole their land.
Palestinians carry lmpiden their rights in their own lands.
I will do everything I can for their lives, but also depends on the government, if they want to negotiate in good faith, free the courageous fighters who are Zionist prisons.
And if they do, they will be safe.
If they do not   Will die.
I can not do anything else.
They have dynamite around the building.
There explosives in boxes, here in this room.
If my soldiers go, They will exploit.
His government must desist must cooperate, avoid catastrophe ... or I will not be possible save their lives.
Meanwhile, I will see that they are comfortable,
I have commanded you to bring blankets here ...
Here come. 
You are seeing?
You see, I do what I can for you, on humanitarian grounds.
Sharon!
Sharon!
Do not want to talk directly to anyone, except with the Ambassador of Somalia after speaking with ldi Amin to talk to the French Ambassador, communicated after the cable to Paris our embassy and come here.
What more?
The kidnapping has been sentenced Arafat's PLO
Habash and the PFLP.
Simon, you you have?
We manage to identify two of the terrorists who have joined in Entebbe.
Hadj Jabel Faiz.
Splinter Habash few years ago.
The PLO Cairo sent a man, but was rejected.
Simon ...
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Gentlemen, we have the requirements.
" We demand the release of Palestinian in Israel, FRG, France, Switzerland and Kenya. "
And what do they want from us?
They want 50 prisoners.
lncluding to A'koso Kamoto.
What is the deadline?
" They will be inflicted punishments severe and serious hostages if the demands are not met Thursday at noon. "
Thursdays at 12pm.?
They are 60 hours.
Okay, now we to decide the options.
What options?
Free the 50 murderers is an option?
Maybe we've never faced anything as complicated.
We decided that the Government of Israel
- ... 
Does not negotiate with terrorists ...
- We can not let ...
Simon!
The situation is out of our control.
We can not take risks.
Risks? 
There is increased risk to give in to terrorists?
And there is no greater military risk the shame of submission.
We are not talking about military risk.
There are 256 people on board that aircraft, of which 100 are Jews.
Every Israeli citizen is a potential soldier.
I've heard that a thousand times, need not remind me.
What I need, Minister for Defense of, tell me is that we can do other than negotiate.
Or begin to sing the song of death.
The General Gur's working on a plan ...
The time now is 00:10 Monday.
The deadline is Thursday at 12pm.
What have military option for me at this time?
And that can be started.
A military operation that could be started now ... it can be set-up before Thursday at 12pm.,
I have not, Mr. President.
I hope to have, but not sure.
All right ...
And what do we do now?
Nothing.
The deadline is Thursday at 12pm.
We have time.
They will, Captain.
I believe what I say.
That is absurd!
Why not?
What they were going to kill as many people so many powerful countries?
They would not dare, do not you think?
Pregúntemelo a minute later noon Thursday.
Now they must be doing great diplomatic efforts.
- The French government ...
- With all due respect, Commander,
The French government also Arab oil needs.
Do not think you are talking with too much despair?
The whole world can not be conspiring against you.
He thinks it's an invention my paranoia?
It was all planned.
They knew we were coming here.
- No evidence that ...
- I doubt?
And the other terrorists they were here waiting for?
When we were having dinner, I talked to the airport manager and said that it must be difficult for the
Cooking for many people without warning.
He replied:
" No, I knew it would come. "
Too suspicious, Captain?
We have been told very clearly that they will kill us at 12pm.
Thursday.
I have no reason to doubt it.
- Mother, have you taken Lanoxin?
- Take.
- What are you reading?
- Agatha Christie.
You had already read in Tel Aviv.
I know, but happily they are so old and forgetful
I do not remember who was the murderer.
Are you okay?
I'm fine. 
It's just dust.
It always does. 
It is an allergy.
Why do not you drink some water?
Always a line in the ladies' room.
I'll be fine.
Leave you here?
You've only just arrived.
Well, er, I could come with you.
Forget it.
Look, you wanna practise, don't you?
But you don't want me to come with you.
Would you believe me if I said you'd put me off?
(Laughs ) Yeah, I guess I'd have to, wouldn't I?
OK. 
I'll put your things in the car.
NO!
No, I do everything for myself, Mark.
You know that.
Just trying to be sociable.
I'm sorry I snapped.
It's just if I let anyone help with anything,
I'll end up letting them do the lot!
Maybe you're doing too much.
These yours?
They're phenobarbs. 
If I did any less than I'm doing now, I'd throw it in.
What do you mean?
I'd take those phenobarbs.
Don't be stupid!
I'm the one who has to live my life, you know.
Not if you end it.
If it stops being interesting, why prolong it?
If I'm going, I'd better go.
I'll see you at 6:00.
Uh-uh-uh!
See you at 6:00.
See you.
( PHONE RINGS )
Hello.
Mark here.
So, you're back. 
Long time, no see.
It's only been 1 2 weeks.
I've been thinking about you.
Quite a lot, actually.
What are you doing tonight?
Oh, nothing I can't put off.
Am I gonna be able to see you there, or are you still afraid of what big brother might think?
Look, it... it's not that.
It's just that I don't want Robbie to know, that's all.
I'll see you tonight.
Aren't we a little bit old to still be necking in the back of a car?
I'll pick you up at your place.
What time?
Nine-ish. 
I'll see you.
'Bye.
( EERIE MUSIC )
( UNNERVING MUSIC )
Shit!
( SINISTER MUSIC )
Excellent!
You'd have taken the Australian record this year if you hadn't buggered your neck.
Weren't you expecting your brother down this week?
I left him at home.
Not very hospitable of me, eh?
Oh, he's a big boy now.
Tried to phone him about an hour ago but the line must've been out of order.
Uh-oh, look who's coming.
No, Charlie, it's your job to stay here and protect me.
You protect yourself.
If necessary, shoot 'em. 
Afternoon!
Robert, how lovely to see you!
Mrs Lipton, Mr Lipton.
My dear chap!
You must come to dinner and christen our new pool.
What are you doing tonight?
I've got my brother staying with me.
Bring him along. 
We've always wanted to meet him. 
Ring him and ask him.
( QUIRKY MUSIC )
( MOVIE SOUNDTRACK PLAYS FAINTLY )
Two stalls, thanks.
It's already begun.
Yeah, that's...that's alright.
Four...five.
Thanks.
Anywhere you like.
Thanks.
ACTOR 1 :
..I hadn't seen you for weeks.
ACTOR 2:
I've got to get out of town.
You wouldn't get round the block.
You've had it, mate.
( LOCK RATTLES, DOOR SLAMS )
We'll sit here, thanks.
ACTOR 3: 
This is a transcript of your confession. 
Have you read it?
Yes.
Do you find it a true and accurate account of what you said?
Yes.
Are you willing to sign this confession of your own free will?
Yes.
Right, Sergeant.
Witness the signature.
( Audience member coughs )
( FOOTSTEPS ECHO )
Morning, sir.
Morning, constable.
Prisoner from the city watch-house, sir.
Prisoner's papers, sir.
Thank you, Constable.
Name?
Richard Francis Taylor.
You are now a prisoner of Her Majesty and from now on, you will address all prison officers as 'sir'.
Name?
Richard Francis Taylor.
Sir.
Sentence?
20 years, sir.
Crime?
Murder, sir.
Take the cuffs off, Constable.
You are no longer Richard Francis Taylor. 
You are now number 849 7.
As you were, 8498. 
Got it?
Yeah.
Yes, what?
Yes, sir.
And don't bloody forget it.
No...sir.
Alright, empty your pockets.
Have you ever been in prison before?
No, sir.
One rule here, son.
You do the right thing by us, we'll do the right thing by you. 
Got it?
WOMAN: 
Shh!
Sir.
If you do the wrong thing, boy, I'll get jumped on.
And if I get jumped on, I'll jump on you.
Understand?
Yes, sir.
One handkerchief, white, soiled.
When was the last time you had your hair cut, 8498?
Before I went into court, sir.
It's too long.
We'll fix that tomorrow.
Let's get your particulars.
Religion?
RC... ..sir.
Don't get smart with me, boy!
Do you mean Roman Catholic?
Yes, sir.
Hair - blond.
Fair hair, sir.
Eyes - grey.
Green eyes, sir.
Do you wear corrective spectacles or contact lenses?
No, sir.
False teeth, false limbs, hearing aid or surgical truss?
No, sir.
One brown leather wallet.
$1 2 in notes, a driving licence and laundry docket.
Are you receiving medical treatment for any serious illness or disability?
No, sir.
Key ring, four keys.
Small change, 8 7 cents.
Have you ever suffered from mental illness or undergone psychiatric treatment?
No, sir.
One packet of chewing gum.
Have you ever had any attacks of fainting or dizziness?
No, sir.
One packet of cigarettes and matches.
Are you an epileptic?
( CHILLING MUSIC )
The line must be out of order.
He's not answering.
I'm afraid we'll have to postpone that dinner.
That's what you always say.
What is the time?
Exactly 5:30.
Oh, my God, I'm late. 
I'll have to rush.
Thank you for asking me!
( SINISTER MUSIC )
Jesus!
( S USPENSEFUL MUSIC )
( CAR DRIVES ON GRAVEL )
( RADIO ANNOUNCER TALKS FAINTLY )
( S USPENSEFUL MUSIC )
Little brother, what on earth have you been up to?
What?
What have you been up to?
!
The place stinks of perfume!
And petrol.
Oh, that.
Yeah, I ... 
I spilled some aftershave.
I tried to rub it off with lighter fluid.
Well, you've made a nasty clean patch.
Surprised you can smell it, though.
( Sniffs ) I can't.
I have a nose like a bloodhound.
Have you been out?
The engine's been playing up.
So I thought I'd take her out for a spin.
Worse, if anything, though.
So I thought, "The hell with it."
Why?
I dunno. 
Does everyone have to have a reason for everything?
You always do.
Well, this time I didn't.
Perhaps I just felt like a snooze.
TV ANNOUNCER: ...price of oil
The Organisation of Petroleum Exporting Countries, in a statement issued after their meeting yesterday in Cairo, announced a rise of 25%.
The rise, the third in 12 months...
Do we have to have that on?
..first, next year.
I wanna watch the news.
..to follow later in the year.
Now, here's a late story just in.
We've just been advised by the police of the murder of yet another hitchhiker.
The body of 23-year-old Janine Talbort of Middle Park was found less than an hour ago in the back stalls of the Rex Cinema, Kyneton.
We have a news team there and we hope to be able to cross direct for their report later in this news.
Sarge.
Want more shots of the body, Inspector?
Another from that angle.
I want to see the wound.
Same pattern.
Stabbed under the breastbone and through the heart.
Neat job.
No trace of the murder weapon.
Is that all, Inspector?
That'll do.
Those prints on the backrest helpful?
They're pretty old, Inspector.
Come on, Sergeant. 
We have to deal with those vultures outside.
This is Inspector Cheadle who is leading the investigation into the 'Maroondah Maniac' case.
Inspector, do you think this is the work of the Maroondah Maniac?
I'm afraid so.
The fourth in just over a year.
The victim is always a blonde in her early 20s.
Do you think this one's been sexually assaulted?
None of them ever are.
The first three girls were picked up on the Maroondah Highway, killed within an hour or so, and then, for some inexplicable reason, deposited on the steps of the local police station.
Why do you think this time it was the cinema?
I rather think this one didn't go quite according to plan.
This time we do have a positive lead.
Sergeant, have you got that description?
Yes.
It's a well-built young man, about 5'1 0", long fair hair, dark glasses, dressed hippie style in T-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes, seen entering the Rex Cinema, Kyneton, this afternoon at about 4:30.
Is there anything you'd like to add, Inspector?
I'd like to impress on the public this man is dangerous.
If anyone suspects his identity, or is foolhardy enough to be protecting him,
I strongly advise them to contact the police immediately.
That report direct from our news team on the spot in Kyneton.
And now, finally, the weather, and there's more rain on the way...
Why would anyone want to protect him?
Wouldn't you protect me?
If I knew that you were this maniac?
It's a hypothetical question, little brother.
And the hypothesis is absurd.
Even if you did...
Did what?
Like a drink?
Did what, Robbie?
Nothing.
Robbie, did what?
!
Tell me that you picked up a blonde nympho and that the last 10 miles were... ..deadly!
You know, you had me worried.
For a minute there, I thought you might actually suspect me.
You? 
A murderer? 
(Laughs )
Did anyone see you?
See me what?
Picking up the blonde nympho?
No.
Sure?
Yeah.
Good.
Anyone see you put her down?
Well, yeah. 
Yeah, suppose so - it was in front of the post office.
I shouldn't think anyone noticed, though.
I mean, people don't, do they?
I'm thirsty.
Is that Scotch still on offer?
If you want it.
( Softly ) I want it.
Then I'll get it.
( OMINOUS MUSIC )
JB - duty-free from Singapore.
Ah, just a small one.
That do?
Perfect.
Cheers.
Feel like going to the flicks tonight?
Anything good on locally?
Only 'A Day of Horror' at the Rex.
I've seen it.
Really? 
When?
Last voyage.
Bugger it. 
The Rex is the only cinema I can get the chair into.
We'll go to 'Day of Horror' if you really want to.
Sure you don't mind?
Why should I? 
It's a good movie.
Besides, I missed most of it last time.
Preoccupied with the bird beside you?
MAN: 
Thank you.
Come on, move back, please.
Move back, please.
One down, two...
Stand back, please.
Oh!
So sorry!
Are you blind?
Just crippled. 
How about you?
I'm a police officer heading a murder investigation, if you don't mind!
Oh, good for you!
What time does the film start?
The cinema, sir, is closed.
You seem to persist in your assumption that because I'm in a wheelchair I'm blind.
I'm aware the cinema is closed!
I want to know when will it reopen?
I have no idea!
In that case, Constable, could you take me to someone who does?
Sergeant!
You will give your name and address to my sergeant, and then you will move along.
Where, I don't particularly care, though I'd prefer interstate!
But you'll move along or you'll be arrested for obstructing the police in the prosecution of their duties!
(Laughs ) Is that what this fiasco is supposed to be?
( Yells ) Your name and address, sir!
Raymond Burr. 
Late of Hollywood.
Robbie, er... give it to them.
Robert Stephen Gifford.
The Wheel Inn.
Wheel?
W-H-E-E-L.
l-N-N.
Wheel Inn?
It's a... it's a joke.
Not at all.
It's very serious and most apt.
Wheel Inn, where, sir?
Foster's Lager Lane.
You go down the road three miles and you turn left at the Chuck and Chunder and then right just before Saint Barassi's.
You can't miss it.
Kyneton?
Thereabouts.
I'll pick you up round the back.
Goodnight, Mr Cheadle.
Goodnight.
Goodnight, gentlemen.
Hmm.
Did you notice that smell?
Smell?
Perfume.
On the cripple?
No. 
On the other one.
You think I went too far, don't you?
Too far?
With the copper.
I don't think you exactly endeared yourself.
Should I have?
Oh, that's your business.
Only?
( KNOCK AT DOOR )
See who that is, would you?
You made your point clear - that you don't exactly like coppers.
Do you have to rub their noses in it?
Raymond Burr, for Christ's sake!
May we come in?
Oh, my God!
They've come for me already!
Good evening, sir.
I trust you found my directions helpful?
Well, actually, I think my sergeant must've misheard you.
Can he hear?
Oh, yes, sir.
Inspector, from behind, I detest being gawped at.
To my face, I find it intolerable!
I'm sorry.
Well, whatever it is I'm supposed to have done,
I'm pleading blackouts and the Fifth Amendment.
Or does that only work in the United States?
Well, actually, it's nothing you've done I've come about.
On the contrary, it's something I did.
I'm afraid I was rather rude to you.
I cried all the way home.
Poor Mr Gifford.
I can only say in my defence, I'd just rushed down from Russell Street - press were driving me mad.
When I realised we were passing this way and your lights were on...
You felt you simply had to drop in?
That's right. 
And I need your help.
May we sit down?
As someone who knows the disabled in this area, how would you class a person who allows her wheelchair to be pushed?
A paraplegic?
Yes.
Pushed uphill?
No, downhill.
Definitely not doing very well.
Who is she?
Well, that's what I came to ask you.
From around here, you say?
Yes.
No such person.
Well, such a person was seen, being wheeled into the Rex by her long-haired boyfriend.
I don't care if she was seen being wheeled into Parliament House by Gough Whitlam, there is no such person.
Her boyfriend, or possibly her brother, dresses hippie style...
Is in his mid-20s and is wanted by you.
We saw the whole thing on television.
Ah, that explains how your brother knew my name when we had our little altercation at the Rex.
You heard my appeal on the news, did you, sir?
Yes.
You must have a good memory for names.
Or has this Maroondah Maniac chap caught your fancy?
I was hardly aware of him till today.
Really? 
The story's been reported in all the newspapers.
Well, I don't buy newspapers.
I'm a seaman.
Oh! 
Navy or merchant?
Merchant.
At sea, we get daily bulletins - who's on strike, who's at war, currency crises - but no murders.
And ashore I've got out of the habit.
Of murdering?
Of buying newspapers.
Just one more thing.
If the cinema had been open this evening, and you and your brother had seen the film, how would you personally have left the Rex?
By the side exit.
You see, the aisle to the side door slopes downwards, which we paraplegics prefer.
Mm-hm. 
And, er, how would you have left, sir?
Through the foyer. 
That's the quickest way around to the car.
Well, I think that explains that, don't you, Sergeant?
Explains what, Inspector?
Why no-one front of house noticed the girl being wheeled out of the Rex by her boyfriend and why the usherette swears she saw a girl wearing a floppy hat wheel herself out the side exit unaccompanied.
Of course, I was hoping you were going to be able to identify the girl or her boyfriend.
And what good would that have done you?
Well, they sat at the end of one of the back rows.
20 minutes later, they left.
When the film ended, the lights came up,
Janine Talbort was found dead at the end of that row.
We think they must've seen her murderer.
They left before the film ended?
Having entered after it started.
Sounds like one hell of a film!
I thought you said it was good.
What you'd seen of it.
You've seen part of this film already, sir?
Yes, on the 'Canberra', last voyage.
I had to go on duty before it finished, though.
Ah, the film, that is. 
Not the voyage.
Well, thank you for your cooperation, gentlemen.
You've been most helpful.
I am sorry to hear that!
Goodnight, Mr Gifford.
Goodnight, Mr Gifford.
Inspector.
It's been nice talking to you, Sergeant.
Why can't Cheadle see it?
It is so obvious.
What?
It wasn't the girl wheeling herself out of the cinema.
It was her boyfriend.
He ditched her body in the back row then stuck her hat on his head.
You've gotta admire him for it really, though, don't you?
Showed a lot of guts.
AND he'll get away with it.
He may... ..unless you enlighten the police.
Am I likely to?
Don't you think you should?
No. 
No, I don't.
So you'll be holding you tongue?
Certainly.
Do you want him to get away with it?
You're indecently exposed.
( MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND )
We've no ex-inmates answering that description.
There are thousands of paraplegics in Melbourne.
Most of them victims of car accidents.
Really?
Except for a few freak cases like Robbie's.
Robert Gifford? 
What happened to him?
He was playing squash, would you believe? 
Slipped and fell.
Another round?
Yes, thanks. 
Same again, please.
And that was enough to paralyse him?
That on top of an old back injury he had as a kid.
He was what the courts called a neglected child.
That's how he came to get adopted by Mark's father.
So he and Mark aren't really brothers?
No, but they're very close.
They'd do anything for each other.
What's wrong with you?
Nothing.
Just don't feel like it tonight, that's all.
Terrific.
Three months and I can't even touch you.
Look, it's not that.
It's just that I... ..I just need to talk.
I've had this.
This may not strike you as odd, but a 24-year-old woman needs more than a stray screw in the back of a car every three months.
Look, Meg, can you at least just try and understand?
Maybe that's normal for sailors on leave.
Margaret, for Christ's sake, just cut it out!
You know the problem...
I DON'T know the problem!
Yes, you do!
That? 
It was just a physical thing.
It would never have lasted, accident or no accident.
You know that.
Yeah.
But Robbie doesn't.
Mark, what is this hold Robbie has over you?
He's my brother.
Some brother!
Look, he has to know sometime.
Why CAN'T you tell him?
I can't!
Alright... ..I will.
( PHONE RINGS )
Blast!
( VACuM CONTINUES RUNNING ) Yes? 
Who is it?
Just a minute!
I'm sorry. 
Who is it?
Richard Fairburn.
Oh, hi, Doc. 
What can I do for you?
How's your neck?
Fine.
Er...you sure?
Of course I am.
Now what made you think...?
Just, er... checking.
Your thicker patients might believe that, but not me.
Mark put you up to it, didn't he?
He did not.
He's with you now, isn't he?
Er... he... er... he telephoned me.
That's more like it.
Mark tells me you're complaining of stiffness of the neck.
Says you told him it's affecting your shooting.
Now, he suggests - and I'm inclined to agree with him - that you should come back to the hospital for a rest and a check-up.
Quite unnecessary.
I've never felt fitter.
Robbie, you've got lesions!
I know I've got lesions!
I still can't imagine how anyone as experienced as you could've been mad enough...
To lift a television off the table, onto my lap. 
It won't happen again.
Now is there anything else?
I've got housework to do.
Nothing else, Robbie.
Good. 
And goodbye.
We're closed.
Margaret...
I'm sorry. 
I have to close up.
I want to talk to you...
Look, Mark, there's nothing I have to say to you.
Just go.
You are an irresponsible bitch!
Why? 
Don't you like bitches?
You ring up Robbie and arrange it all behind my back.
What the hell do you think you're playing at?
!
Well, he is my cousin, you know.
Not a blood cousin, but he's a cousin.
Just because he can't walk doesn't mean you have to treat him like an infant.
He's a lot stronger than you think.
Don't you tell me what Robbie's like.
Well, I thlnk I have a fair idea.
I'm not talking about his performance in bed.
Nor am I.
Then what do you mean?
Look, I know Robbie.
He can face the thought of being replaced by you.
Oh. 
Oh.
And what makes you think you're any judge of that, hmm?
I'm probably the best judge there is.
Listen... ..if you tell him there's anything between us... ..I promise you, you'll regret it.
Quadriplegic?
Ah, one who has lost the use of four limbs, compared with the paraplegic, who's lost the use of only two.
Does he know it's coming?
Oh, yes, yes.
Before his accident, Robbie was a medical student, you know.
Hmm. 
How soon will it come?
( Sighs ) Any time in the... ..next few months.
Most likely at night.
He'll just... wake up one night and find he can't move a thing.
And then?
Might be a year...
And it all stems from those lesions?
Er... that's right, yes.
Has Mark told you anything of his plans when it happens?
He says he'll give up the sea and live with his brother.
What sort of a life will that be?
Hell for Mark.
Worse for Robbie.
Damn surprised he doesn't kill himself.
He'll just be a head on top of a corpse.
Some manage marvellously.
Good afternoon, Inspector.
Good afternoon.
( DOOR OPENS )
Come in, Inspector.
Thank you.
Take a seat.
Been cleaning your carpet, Mr Gifford?
Oh, er... 
I spilt some aftershave.
On yourself as well, I think.
My sergeant noticed it on you yesterday.
When exactly did you spill it?
Um... yesterday afternoon, just after I got here.
I'd say about... 3:30.
And what sort of lotion was it?
Brut. 
Don't tell me you're thinking about buying some.
My sergeant took a fancy to it.
Didn't you, Sergeant?
Well, it takes all kinds.
Did you hear that, Mark?
The sergeant's kinky for Brut.
Why don't you give him what's left of yours?
There isn't any left.
Have you still got the bottle?
No, I... threw it away.
Where were you between 4:30 and 6:00pm yesterday afternoon?
I was having a sleep.
I left him on that sofa at 3:30.
I later woke him twice.
From the hospital?
By telephone at 4:30, and again at 5:30.
Might I ask what prompted these calls?
You may.
The first was to suggest that he join me at the hospital, because, as I pointed out to our chief physiotherapist,
I felt guilty about leaving him alone.
The second was to inquire whether he would agree to dine with a very boring couple called the Liptons.
That would be Mr and Mrs Stanley Lipton, would it?
Oh, God! 
Don't tell me she's your sister? 
She's at least 1 ,000!
No, she's not my sister.
Your daughter?
No!
Mr and Mrs Lipton live on the Maroondah Highway.
We questioned them at the time of the third girl's murder.
I've been obstreperous, haven't I?
On the contrary... ..you've told us a great deal.
But now, Mr Gifford... ..I wonder if you can recall seeing anyone being picked up on the following dates.
Where are we?
Yes, here we are.
The afternoon of August 4 last year.
The evenings of April 29 and July 1 0 of this year.
Or yesterday afternoon about 2:30.
I didn't see anyone picked up yesterday.
As for the other dates,
I can't even remember which part of the world I was in.
You were on leave, your ship was in Melbourne, and you were in THIS part of the world.
We've checked with the PO people.
Then I may well have been on my way down here, but... ..I couldn't honestly say.
Is it important?
It could be helpful.
Well, we can easily find out.
What date last year, did you say?
August 4.
April 29.
July 1 0.
On each of those days, a dead girl was dumped outside the Kyneton police station.
Mark, on each of those days, you were on your way down here.
Did you see anyone picking up anyone else?
May I see those diaries?
I see that on all these nights... ..you left here almost as soon as you arrived to visit the 'cousins', as your brother describes them.
Yes. 
Yes, I often drop in on them.
I believe there's two of them.
That's right.
What are their names?
Andrew and Margaret.
Have you - forgive my asking - any romantic interest in Miss Margaret Gifford?
No.
Why don't you ask me if I have any romantic interest in her?
Well, have you?
Robbie and Margaret are very attached.
They have been ever since they were kids.
But you, Mr Gifford, never accompanied your brother on any of these visits.
I try not to monopolise Mark.
One thing about this last dead girl that's got us foxed.
Where did her boyfriend get hold of that chair that he used to wheel her into the Rex?
'Dead' girl?
!
You said that she was seen wheeling herself out of the cinema.
Yes, but now we know that she didn't.
Why?
Because she doesn't exist.
You told us that.
No such disabled girl, you said.
Which led us to deduce that if she wasn't disabled, she might be dead.
Post-mortem confirmed it.
She died at about 2:30pm.
The question remains, where did her boyfriend get hold of that wheelchair?
Hospitals have wheelchairs.
Airlines have wheelchairs.
Quite a number of disabled people have two wheelchairs, both of which they're unlikely to be occupying at the same time.
Do you have two wheelchairs, Mr Gifford?
Have had for months. 
Ever since Mark bought me this new one.
Then I wonder if we might borrow your old one?
It's in the garage, folded beside the wall.
Sergeant.
But you're wrong.
Wrong?
A dead body in a wheelchair.
The head would flop. 
Noticeably.
Yes, well, that's what we thought too, but according to the post-mortem, her head was propped up.
What with? 
A garden stake?
No. 
Some kind of brace.
Don't suppose you'd have one of those too?
Should I have?
Well, the trouble with your neck lesions when you lifted that TV...
Alright. 
So I've got a brace.
Might we see it, please?
In the bedroom.
Second top drawer of the wardrobe.
Thank you, Mr Gifford.
Anything else you'd like?
Set of calipers? 
Chest expanders?
Kitchen sink? 
Hm?
He rang his brother at exactly 5:30 by my wife's diamond watch.
And the line WAS out of order.
Now, you're sure he said "out of order", Mr Lipton?
Not "no answer"?
He said "out of order", Sergeant.
Of that I'm sure.
Thanks for your help, Mr Lipton.
Not at all, Sergeant.
So... 
Robbie didn't disturb our sailor boy's sleep.
Not at 4:30, not at 5:30.
Interesting.
But insufficient. 
Thanks, Sergeant.
Can you get me the rainfall figures for Kyneton yesterday afternoon?
Yes, I'll hold on.
Yes, the police were here all afternoon, young cousin.
Trying to break down your alibi for when you murdered those girls.
Me?
! 
Oh, come off it.
Don't worry, I showed them my diaries, which proved Mark was with you.
Hmm. 
Had me worried there for a minute.
Did the police tell you they were at our place yesterday?
Asking about Mark.
Were they?
Mmm. 
So, you see, Mark's the one in the hot seat, now. 
Eh, Mark?
And the last four tricks...are mine.
( Chuckles ) I'm sorry, mate.
Robble, there's something we have to straighten out.
Forget lt, Meg.
You'll never make a bridge player.
You see, I knew you had openers, and I knew you had to have clubs and spades.
I had a string of diamonds and no clubs.
Any good player would have realised what I was up to.
I was out to squeeze you.
That's not what I'm talking about.
Margaret, could I see you for a minute?
Oh, I don't think we can allow that, partner, do you?
No, I definitely do not.
The rules of bridge state quite categorically that...
Meg, please, just this once... ..can you hold off?
I love you.
You love me?
Well, you've got a damn weird way of showing it.
Please.
I'm sorry.
Ah!
Just until tomorrow.
I promise you, after that you can do what you like.
Why? 
What's happening tomorrow?
What's going on over there?
If it's bridge advice you're giving her, you're wasting your breath.
He's not wasting his breath, I can assure you.
Well, what is there to straighten out between you and me?
Nothing.
See you soon.
Do you have to go now?
Well, it's late. 
You right?
Well, see that it IS soon.
You haven't been around for ages.
Goodnight, Andrew.
Ciao.
See you.
See you.
You really are a savage player, Robbie.
I like to win.
Because it's a gamble?
Because it's a challenge.
It's all I have left now, the freedom to challenge.
Don't begrudge it me.
Bloody hell, look at the time.
Tell you what, while I'm brushing my teeth, you fix us a nightcap, and we'll drink to tomorrow's game with Cheadle.
( OMINOUS MUSIC )
Thank you.
Cheers.
To tomorrow's game.
Where did you say you got this?
Singapore?
You should ask for your money back.
It's full of sediment.
Little brother,
I would've preferred to have talked to you, but our relations seem to be breaking down.
Are you afraid of what I might say to the police?
You needn't have worried.
My hatred of the police goes back as...as far as I can remember.
(Man and woman groan with exertion )
Stop it! 
Leave her alone!
Stop it!
Stop it!
Stop it, you're choking her!
Stop it!
MAN: 
Piss off!
OH ! 
You little bastard!
( THUMP! 
)
Listen, Robbie.
You fell down the stairs, do you hear?
You was sneakin' out while your father and me was asleep, and you fell down the stairs.
Could I see you for a moment, Mrs Thompson?
(Whispers ) This is the most blatant case of child-bashing I've ever seen.
You can't prove it.
It's up to the police to prove it.
We've got more important things to do with our time.
ROBBIE: 
No, little brother... ..I'd be the last person to go to the police.
What is it, Sergeant?
I've got those details for you on Robbie.
Robert Thompson is his actual name.
Any good?
Well, I can see why he doesn't like cops.
Tell me later.
Is the wheelchair ready?
Hello, yes?
Good enough?
Have you got the neck brace, Sergeant?
Now, if we have to talk, I'll call you Iris, you call me Ted, right?
Yes, sir.
Yes, 'Ted'.
Yes, Ted, sir.
Sorry.
Ted.
( QUIRKY MUSIC )
Robbie, what are you doing here?
It's about Mark.
Does he know you've come to see me?
No, no. 
He was still asleep.
He's in trouble, Meg.
Would you like a coffee?
No, thanks. 
Just sit down. 
This is serious.
What were you two talking about last night at the bridge party?
What sort of trouble?
You're having an affair with him, aren't you?
Not exactly.
I'm not asking for a ball-by-ball description.
I'm sorry, Robbie. 
I wanted to tell you.
Then why didn't you?
Mark didn't want you to know.
Why? 
Doesn't he think I can handle a bit of competition?
It's no competition, Robbie.
You're absolutely right.
Mark would be a far more practical proposition than I.
Robbie, it's not that. 
It's just...
Obscene for a man in a wheelchair to have sexual feelings? 
Yes, I know.
Well, that's really below the belt.
You said it.
Look, I'm already late for work.
If you've got anything serious to say, please say it.
What did you come over here to say?
Just that there's no future for you and Mark.
Well, she could've had leprosy or a hole in the head.
She could have been dead.
No-one would've noticed a damn thing.
Robbie!
Robbie, what's going on?
Robbie, for God's sake, answer me!
I've nothing to say.
Robbie, come out.
Not until Cheadle arrives.
That'll be too late and you know it.
We've got to talk before he arrives.
I'll come out if you go down to the end of the garden.
What the hell for?
So that you can't jump me.
Go right down the garden and shout when you get there.
And keep shouting.
I can't just stand at the bottom of the garden shouting.
( Shouts ) Sing, then!
If I do, you'll come out and talk?
I'll talk to you from the French windows.
If you rush me, I'll slip back inside and lock them.
I've got no intention of rushing you.
I'm glad to hear that.
Mark!
What?
Take the target with you.
I'll shout when I've set it up.
Do that.
The target's up!
( Sings ) The Camptown ladies sing this song
Doo-dah, doo-dah
Camptown racetrack's five miles long
Oh, doo-dah day
Gonna sing all night
Gonna sing all day
Bet my money on a bob-tailed nag
Somebody bet on the bay
Camptown ladies sing this song
Doo-dah, doo-dah
Camptown racetrack's five miles long
Oh, doo-dah day
Gonna sing all night
Gonna sing all day
Bet my money on a bob-tailed nag
Somebody bet on the bay... ( S USPENSEFUL MUSIC )
The Camptown ladies sing this song
Doo-dah, doo-dah
Camptown racetrack's five miles long
Oh, doo-dah day...
Alright, you can stop now.
Gonna sing all night...
That's enough!
Gonna sing all...
Right, now move aside.
Whatever it is you want to say, say it from there.
It's about Cheadle, Robbie.
Just leave the running to him.
You must make sure he hasn't got enough to arrest me.
Oh, yeah?
I want you to promise me.
And if I do?
You'll be safe.
Safe, maybe. 
But pestered by coppers.
Cheadle will never give up, you know that.
Listen to me, Robbie. 
It's the best we can hope for, isn't it?
(Whispers ) Blast.
That's better.
Come inside.
You've only shot five.
The sixth I'll keep handy.
Now, nice and slowly.
No, no. 
Slower than that.
Come inside.
We'll finish our talk in here.
Now, very carefully, sit down.
You'll not move an inch in any direction before there's an arrow through your heart.
My neck's fine, my arm's strong and from this range I could not miss.
Now, very carefully close those doors and sit.
Steady, kiddo. 
Be very steady.
Turn around and sit!
( METAL SCRAPES )
You can turn back now.
I switched while your back was turned.
You could've got clean away.
What are you going to do?
You know.
Don't be stupid, Robbie.
Whatever else I may be, I am never stupid.
What could be more stupid than getting yourself arrested for murdering me?
Robbie, for Christ's sake!
( S USPENSEFUL MUSIC )
This is mad, Robbie.
Why murder me?
I'm not going to murder you.
I'm accidentally going to kill you.
People sitting on the dike don't get accidentally killed with swords.
Which is why, when you're dead,
I'll shove the sixth arrow into your chest where the sword went in and dump your body down by the target.
You see, little brother, people standing in the vicinity of targets do get accidentally killed with arrows.
Do you think the police will believe that?
I will tell them how you set up a target and stood back and watched me fire five.
Then, just as I let go my sixth, to my horror, you stepped right into the line of flight.
"Why did he do it?" I will groan.
And Cheadle will explain to me,
"Now, now, Mr Gifford, you mustn't blame yourself.
"You did your best to protect him but he was a murderer, you know,
"and he knew that the net was closing."
They've established that you were at the scene of each crime at the relevant times and that you had access here to all the props you needed for your little stunt down at the Rex.
Aren't you forgetting my alibi?
My phone calls to you? 
Charlie will tell them that you didn't answer.
So will the Liptons.
Don't underestimate Cheadle, Robbie.
I know you think I'm only saying that because I'm frightened.
Aren't you?
I'm terrified, actually.
Ahh!
( BANG! 
)
Robbie!
Don't, Robbie!
It's no use, kiddo.
We've gone too far.
There is an alternative.
What?
We can finish this bloody thing together.
Forget it, little brother.
It's too late.
Not quite, Robbie.
ROBBIE: 
How the hell did you get in?
The key was in the door.
You always arrive at the most inconvenient times, don't you?
I thought it wise.
One of my men radioed on his walkie-talkie that you were about to kill your brother.
Where is this walkie-talkie man of yours? 
Up my chimney?
Out there in the garden.
Was my man mistaken?
Was this man mistaken?
Am I dead?
You need medical attention.
I'm alright.
Are you sure?
Yeah. 
Yeah, I'm sure.
Alright. 
Let's get down to business, then.
Mr Gifford, why did you go to such extraordinary lengths to dispose of Miss Talbort's body?
You left her in the cinema, didn't you?
Mr Gifford!
Lay off him, Inspector.
You have no right asking leading questions without a warrant.
Oh, I have a warrant.
In that case, you should warn him that...
Anything he says will be taken down but won't be used as evidence.
What are you playing at?
I need to understand why your brother acted as he did.
Then you're even dimmer than I thought.
Why is that, Mr Gifford?
Because any fool, even you, would see that he did what he did because that was his trademark.
I'm sorry, Mark, but I'm not telling him anything he doesn't already know.
( DRAMATIC MUSIC )
You and your bloody promises.
Promises?
When he's got a warrant for your arrest and I'm frightened of you?
What do you expect me to do?
Hold him and the sergeant at bay with me sabre while you make good your escape?
You bastard!
Yours has been a difficult role, hasn't it?
Don't patronise me, Cheadle.
No, I mean it. 
You played it superbly.
What do you mean?
Well, all those various hints to us about your brother's guilt, for a start.
You had to tell us just enough to frighten him, but not enough to let us arrest him, didn't you?
I thought that if I could frighten him into not killing again, and at the same time keep him out of your hands, then I was justified.
But then he started plotting to kill me.
But he's devoted to you.
He still wanted to kill me.
Last night he offered me a nightcap... ..full of phenobarbs.
Oh, your brother tried to kill you.
And you, when we came in just now, were about to kill him.
We were always a close family.
Mr Gifford, why did you try to kill your brother?
Isn't motive supposed to be your job?
Alright, try this for size.
You committed this series of murders close to your brother's house knowing the suspicion would fall on him.
En route to your cousin's place, you bundled the first three dead girls out of your car, while it was moving, under cover of darkness, in the vicinity of the police station...
..knowing that a cripple as strong and determined as your brother could also do that.
When we failed to identify your brother as the maniac, you committed the fourth murder.
And disposed of the body in a manner befitting the maniac.
But then you very clumsily drew our attention to yourself... ..to convince us that you were merely an accessory.
A devoted accessory, ridding his murderous brother of an unwanted corpse.
It was all too pat, Mr Gifford.
Why did you return to the Rex stinking of the dead girl's perfume?
Why?
Unless it was to lead us back here to your brother.
Clever. 
Clever Mark. 
Clever copper.
You deserve each other.
How much did your father leave you, Mr Gifford?
Leave me? 
About $80,000.
And how much has your brother cost you so far for this house, car, so forth?
About $30,000.
And how much a year do you allow your brother?
$8,000.
So, even if the remaining $50,000 were wisely invested... ..at the end of eight years, there'd be nothing left.
So what?
So that if you murdered your brother this week, you'd be $50,000 better off than if he'd lived.
How's that for motive?
Absurd.
Why?
Because he's only got...
Exactly.
I don't believe you've got a warrant.
Sorry, sir.
I want to confess.
Ready, sergeant?
Christ!
I, Mark James Gifford, of 15 Cornwall Crescent, South Yarra, being of sound mind, do hereby voluntarily confess to the murder of four girls since August last year.
I also confess to the attempted murder of my brother, Robert, the evening of Thursday the...
What's the date?
ROBBIE: 
Mark...
What?
Last night when I asked you to pour me a nightcap...
..I wanted to die.
That's what I thought.
I'm sorry I didn't drink it.
I wouldn't have let you.
I don't want to interrupt this very personal exchange, gentlemen, but if we may now, Mr Gifford, have the rest of your confession.
The rest?
There are still one or two details outstanding.
Such as?
The murder weapon.
Oh.
Yeah.
One of Robbie's old sabres.
( DRAMATIC MUSIC ) Thank you, sir.
Sergeant, the warrant.
Robert Stephen Gifford, I have here...
But I've confessed!
To murdering four girls with a sabre?
Yes.
But that wasn't the weapon employed.
Not that we're sure what it was.
But we know it wasn't a blade.
Whatever it was, we are sure your brother used it.
Indeed!
As a cripple, your brother was an unlikely suspect.
But not an impossible one.
You, however, were.
Going as far as, ah... 
Kyneton?
Thanks.
The PO company tell me that anatomy is not a subject which is taught to officers of the merchant marine.
MARK: 
I don't get the relevance.
Don't waste much time, do you?
CHEADLE: 
Only someone with a thorough knowledge of that very anautical subject could've killed all four girls with an identical right-handed upward thrust from below the rib cage.
( Gasps )
Your brother's right-handed and the Melbourne Medical School tell me he was brilliant at anatomy.
Why would anyone so brilliant fumble his fourth murder when he'd already succeeded with the first three?
CHEADLE: 
Janine Talbort was killed at 2:30.
Her body was still in your brother's car when you arrived.
You were early and caught him by surprise.
You surprised me. 
You caught me with my pants down, literally.
I wish you'd come when you say you're coming.
What's wrong?
Are you a bit frazzled or something?
He had to trap you this time or not at all.
He knew his neck lesions would kill him within a year.
ROBBIE: 
Do what you're told.
Nowadays my neck gets a bit stiff and my aim can be hairy.
What would people think if I killed you?
Ironical, isn't it?
He told us he got them lifting a television set.
In fact, he got them shoving dead bodies out of his car.
OK, I'll put your things in the car.
No!
No, I do everything for myself, Mark.
You know that.
Conjecture. 
The only body you're sure about was in MY car, not his.
Put there by him.
Impossible.
CHEADLE: 
He had plenty of time.
The cars were parked close together.
He could've transferred the body from his car to yours while you were phoning your cousin.
After all that rain on Wednesday, the lawn was very soft.
Wherever your brother moved, he left tracks.
The shallower ones, where he wheeled only himself, and the deeper ones, when he wheeled an added burden of about 1 00 pounds.
We've done tests.
Janine Talbort weighed 102 pounds.
Someone else could've put her in my car.
CHEADLE: 
Someone else in a wheelchair?
Someone else with a knowledge of anatomy?
Someone else who despised the police so much he incorporated in his plan a gambit to make them a laughing stock?
What gambit?
Dumping the bodies outside the police station. 
The press loved it.
You've got to admire him for it, don't you?
Showed a lot of guts.
AND he'll get away with it.
Do you want him to get away with it?
That still doesn't prove him the murderer.
What else would?
He hated sex, remember?
And, in particular, young blondes of easy virtue.
I'm not partial to them myself.
You didn't have one for a mother.
What about the blonde I picked up?
Aren't you forgetting her?
Anyone see you put her down?
Well, yeah, I suppose so.
It was in front of the post office.
I shouldn't think anyone noticed, though.
I mean, people don't, do they?
Oh, yes.
She came to see us yesterday.
Gave us a good description of you.
So did her aunt, who was waiting outside the post office.
And now, Mr Gifford, if we can dispense with your confession.
It's about Cheadle, Robbie.
You must make sure he hasn't got enough to arrest me.
And if I do?
You'll be safe.
Not until you provide me with a motive for why Robbie did it.
He hated his mother for leaving him as a child.
He hated the police for not punishing his mother.
Why me? 
Are you suggesting he hated me enough to frame and kill me?
This is mad, Robbie. 
Why murder me?
I'm not going to murder you.
I'm accidentally going to kill you.
You came between him and his adoptive parents.
Also, you came between him and the girl he loved.
But the thing Robbie couldn't stomach was you remained healthy while he became a cripple.
Robbie!
Now, sir, if you don't mind.
Robert Stephen Gifford...
( DRAMATIC MUSIC )
Last night when I asked you to pour me a nightcap... ..I wanted to die.
I'm sorry I didn't drink it.
I wouldn't have let you.
So that was the murder weapon.
Half an arrow.
I suppose we should have guessed.
Better ring for an ambulance, Sergeant.
No point in my staying, you know.
When will you be charging me?
Hmm?
I was an accessory to Janine Talbort's murder, remember?
I don't remember that.
I'm sure my sergeant doesn't remember it, either.
Do you, Sergeant?
No, the only accessory we remember is the hippie at the Rex and he's vanished.
Probably in Sydney by now.
Might even be dead.
All that heroin, amphetamines.
All the same, these hippies.
Well, we'll be on our way now.
I'll leave a man to look after the ambulance people.
You won't be required at the inquest.
Thanks.
I'd get someone to have a look at that leg.
Goodbye, Mr Gifford.
Goodbye.
Can you come over straightaway?
MEG: 
What about Robbie?
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Hello, good evening!
Good morning, Mrs...
Duchess of Earl Margherita Semenzara!
How did I know it was you?
No, I did not know, you swore it was you...
I recognized your noble voice.
Do you want to talk to your Noble Lord Husband?
He is in a session since yesterday evening in the Grand Council of the 10 absenthees.
I have clear instructions not to interrupt them,
But if you insist, Ah, you do not insist, you...
Then, just a moment, I'll put you in touch with the council.
Just a moment...
Hello, Council of the 10 absenthees.
It's for our Count Semenzara, from his wife Lady Duchess... 
Duchess Conde...
Wait 
- Wait a moment.
Just a moment My Lady, Here is your husband.
Ciao, I'm here, my jealous one!
Did you think I was out partying with hookers?
Semenzara does not do stupid things.
Semenzara works even at night... to keep you and the family well.
He is not scared of your controls.
But now please,I need to go, must partecipate to a vote.
Ciao, ciao...
What did you say?
Nothing, he spoke a bit faster because he needs to go voting.
He said to sleep peacefully...
That's good. 
Good night, good day, good bye Lady Duchess Cond...
- Who's here!
? 
- Fantozzi Ugo, accountant, Registration 7829/bis. 
Doing overtime.
You could have warned me!
?
Sorry Mr. Nightguard, if I have frightened you.
Thank you, good morning. 
Good night.
Mr. Nightguard, see you soon. 
Good morning, miss...
No! 
Your colleague has already shot me upstairs!
I promise, next time I'll do it with you.
Good year, good bye!
- We are waiting for you.
- We are waiting for you.
WE ARE WAITING FOR YOU
Let me through!
Please!
They expect me home!
On the chassis...
The crystals, no!
- Take this!
- You miserable scoundrel!
...You think you own the road?
How often should I say, I should... should...
Go home because I've just finished to work!
Here, accountant, Extremely urgent.
Surveyor?
. 
F 7.
Damn, in the first turn!
.
- I stroke a cruiser.
- Well!
.
- I'd start with n. 27 this morning 
- Good, and you?
The series of 5 to 8, per 100,000 liras.
Let's get on with it.
Fortheselectionoftheemployee that should accompany 
Our Mega Director Clamoroso Duke Conde Pier Carlo Ingeniero Semenzara... to play in Monte Carlo, there was a terrible draw...
For which there was also the partecipation of the internal committee.
The organizer of the ceremony, was the accountant Filini, of the Claims Office.
Attention!
- Let's proceed!
- Sí, your Excellence.
Miss Silvani!
Pardon me!
Ms Silvani of Calboni!
- Me?
- Sí.
chosen to withdraw from the urn name chosen, Ms. Calboni... ex Miss Silvani.
And ex great desperate love of Fantozzi.
...since she married, he dared not touch her even with his thoughts.
- Excuse me if I turn my back ...
- I blindfold...
- Sorry.
- Easy.
- Do you see anything?
- No!
The occasion was thruly horrendous... 3 days in Monte Carlo, to see Semenzara play.
And if he suspected that his companion brought him good luck...
Then your life would be settled...
Sweet heart of Jesus, (prayer)... Be quiet!
Who's praying?
Thanks.
Registration 7829/bis.
Fantozzi remained in a state of apparent death, for more than four hours.
- Congratulations Fantozzi!
- Well done, fatty!
To Fantozzi!
Hip, hip, hip, hurra!
Hip, hip, hip, hurra!
Again congratulations!
Thank you, please drink.
Drink to my health...
At least say thanks to me.
For what?
It was my wife's doing.
Let's say I have been your fortune goddess, Fantozzi.
I must thank you.
Would you like a drink?
No thanks. 
But do me a favour.
Come.
Sí, where?
Such luck! 
It's disgusting!
- He's been kissed by luck...
- I hate him!
Here, take these!
Do you want me to exchange them?
No, Fantozzi.
You must play them at the roulette.
For me.
But, is your husband ok with this?
Does he know?
But we are a modern couple, We are open minded.
Play it on the 27, Fantozzi.
Sí.
...When you feel it's the right moment.
27, it's my age.
Oh, to think I would have played at the most the 14... 
Or even 4.
Goodbye Pina!
Ciao Mariángela!
Ah, here is the tra... tra... train...
Well, we have to admit, we are slightly early.
the train to Montecarlo departed at 23:37.
Fantozzi arrived at the station at 4:12 in the afternoon.
7 hours earlier!
With him, Ms. Pina, and Mariangela.
To see his triumphal departure.
There he is! 
The Duke Conde!
Good morning, Master!
Make way for the Duke Conde!
Make way for Conde Semenzara!
Sir Duke Conde, if you allow me the honour of introducing you my...!
Who are those loosers?
Who do you want to introduce me to!
?
Nobody. 
I wanted to present my apologies for having slighly touched you with my elbow...
So you do not have any relation with those witches?
No, never seen them in my life, don't know them at all!
- Then don't look at them!
- No, I don't!
- And touch yourself, by Judas!
- Yes, I touch myself!
I hope they will not get on our train.
No, I don't think so...
I believe they are going away, yes, they are going away.
Gone now.
- That's better!
- That's better!
Pardon me, I just take my suitcase,
Even a purple suitcase, that brings bad luck!
By the way, You have no luggage?
No, no luggage.
Not even a briefcase?
...I have a nice one back home, but I do not bring it to the station, because... they'd steal it...
But i have everything on me:
5 shirts, 12 pairs of pants... and 16 pairs of socks.
There's the train!
Let me, Duke Conde!
Stay still!
Just a moment!
- What's the meaning of this?
- quiet with those hands!
The Duke Conde is mine!
All taken!
Taken, taken taken...
It's all busy!
.
I took the whole compartment!
But... young man, Have you ever booked a sleeping cabin?
No sorry...
These are booked.
I booked cabin n.18.
18?
Sir Count...
Come then, Count.
N. 18?
Come, I'm at your service...
Let's clean it...
What the hell are you doing?
Here, I think, it's your bidé.
What?
What is this?
- Ddi you get hurt?
- It's nothing...
Only lost functionality of the first two phalanges.
Pinkie and ring finger.
Sorry, I'll just get my hand back.
Oh, here is also your glass, to drink during the night...
Oh, of course. 
This is for your noble needs.
Can I Undress you, Conde Duque Lord?
No, no, no!
Go to your cabin.
I don't have a cabin...
To avoid being a weight on the company,
I took a 2nd class ticket...
As you know, 3rd class has been abolished.
If it's allowed, I'd prefer to sleep on the floor...
Curled up next to your bed...
Not allowed, not allowed!
Well, then if you consent it, I will retire to my compartment.
- Clear. 
- Go to 2a. you'll see, it will be very comfortable.
Good night.
Tickets please...
I hope you're in good shape, young man.
Cause I've been awake all night in that bloody bed.
- I was right above the wheels!
- Oh, I was rather comfy.
- Good evening.
- Good evening dear.
The Duke, like all people possessed by the demon of game... was very superstitious and used extravagant rituals.
Do, re, mi, Good Luck comes here.
Re, mi, fa, Good luck comes this side.
Si, do, re, Good luck does not go there.
Pardon me...
Chips!
One moment, not a bet...
Here you go, Duke!
.
Mr Conde Duke.
Sit down.
Sorry, Mr Conde Duke, Actually I have no chair.
- Sit anyway!
- Anyway...
Done.
And touch my ass!
But, How do I do that...?
Put your hand under!
Just do it!
Nine!
What's happening?
My foot was under yours, Sir Duke Conde.
Put back immediatly your foot under mine.
Do not interrupt the fluid.
everything must stay as when I won.
- And keep it on with my ass.
- I keep on touching your ass...
- A million?
A million.
Eight!
A horrible sufference, but short...
Because in the span of two hands, Semenzara lost everything ...... and went under of 22 kilos of chips.
And stop touching my ass!
But, at about 3 am, the Conde Duke had a stroke of luck  ...and won a clamorous prize.
What were you doing just then?
Me? 
I allowed myself to drink few drops of mineral sparkling water.
Bravo, bravo!
Keep doing that!
Valet, bring immediately 25 bottles of mineral water, ...Of the same brand!
It was the terrible "Acqua Berthier",
The gassiest on the planet...
Nine!
Drink, drink!
Sorry...
- What is your rank in the company?
.
- Me? 
Twelfth. 
The lowest.
I upgrade you at the 11º.
...With my own personal desk, and fake leather chair?
Sí, sí.
But keep drinking!
In 2 hours Fantozzi drunk 4 boxes of "Berthier"...
Equivalent to 3 cubic meters of compressed gas.
Therefore it had to be anchored like a balloon..
No, no.
Give me back the chair.
- Give me the chair.
- Quiet, quiet.
It may fall on someone's head.
This is the casino's chair.
Go now.
On the bright side, during those 2 hours...
Heclimbedwithmad speedallthe Company's hierarchical steps.
even 3 by 3...
Employee of 7th rank:
mahogany desk, and artificial leather armchair, phone, ficus plant, symbol of power.
Fifth rank:
opaline lamp, flat glass,
Painting "naif" from Yugoslavia on the wall, 2 ficus.
First rank:
4 ficus, 3 phones, dictaphone, six "naif" paintings, rug on the floor.
He had come to the threshold of leadership ie greenhouse of ficus, and armchair in human skin, when fortune turned away ruinously from Semenzara
You ruined me, idiot!
Retire!
Vanish.
Idiot, king of the idiots!
Hei, hei, hei!
Drop that ashtray!
It belongs to the Casino!
where are you going, give it back!
Forgive me...
"playthemat Roulette when inspiration will come "
"Twenty-seven,asmy age."
"Dad,didyouget me a gift this time?" 
- No more! 
- Wait, I bet here!
I put 20,000 to 27!
27, red and odd!
Here, it's me!
- Sorry ...
- To whom does this belong?
It's mine.
Yes of course.
Of course it belongs to the Duke Conde.
I would never dare to play, even less, to win. 
Excuse me, How much is the winning?
- 700 thousand liras.
- Ah, good!
With that blood money
Semenzara paid the bill of his suite at the Grand Hotel.
With the remaining amount, 2 whores, and a bed cabin for the way back on the train.
Fantozzi instead, had to find a different solution with his own means.
Ughino, Look how you've become.
All stuck...
Can't even speak...
Now I will heal you with grandma's flaxseeds... 
- Are you happy? 
- No, no!
- I'll go to the kitchen and back...
Here is a lukewarm one.
Then I'll bring you another hotter.
At that temperature, Fantozzi always fell in a mystical ecstasy...
This time he saw the archangel Gabriel which announced his upcoming motherhood.
Opening of the hunting season.
This year, again dragged by the implacable Filini ... always possessed by ideas of new and tragic initiatives...
Fantozzi also decided to partecipate
Filini's equipment:
Sherlock Holmes hat, with Robin Hood style feather,
An Argentine poncho that belonged to a rich aunt, tennis shoes with galoshes over
Topografic maps...
Anda Calabrianbandit'strombone.
Fantozzi:
white hat, sailor style, of his daughter Mariángela ...
Painfully normal jacket, tight at the waist by a gigantic cartridge belt,  ...machine gun, a 2nd World War residue, sling, viper bite serum, canary in a cage, and hunting stray cat... who immediately fled at the beginning of the operation...
How wonderful!
This is a paradise on Earth!
Breath!
Too bad, mr. 
Accountant!
What?
That you could not bring your Albertuccia.
...Albertuccia?
I mean, Albertina, the baboon!
Your daughter...
- Ah, Mariangela!
- Of Course.
She surely would have had fun...
Jumping from tree to tree.
What do you mean, from tree to tree?
No, I meant, from meadow to meadow!
But here we are really out of the world, Where are we?
We are exactly in this place, Can you see it?
- Your feather...
- Do you see it?
Actually I do not see anything, Your feather is piercing my eye... here is a famous hill, practically no man has even been there.
It is a place that nobody knows!
620hunters in 14 square meters. 
It's mine!
Whatever it is, is mine. 
It was Margheriti, knight of the Instituto Case Popolari.
Ex regional champion of bird whistling imitation.
It's mine, I said!
After 6 minutes, Industrial consultant Carletti...
Called "the hare" because of a congenital malformation to the upper lip... felt unconfortably observed...
- There!
- Let's get him!
But you... 
You're not a man!
You are a hyena!
Yes, that's right, He is a hyena!
And a very good specimen!
Let's not get confused!
Let's split in groups.
Now, married guys to the hill, and singles to the valley.
Yeah!
Let's go!
Is there a photographer?
Watch those hands!
Sorry, but the shotgun is mine!
Where is your slingshot?
Didn't you bring your slingshot?
But you still did not shoot, we are the only ones who did not yet shoot today.
What happened?
What happened?
Good morning, sir.
It's that, we can't, eh... shoot.
Let me see...
- Do you know about it?
- Some.
- Let's see what's the problem.
- But of course, it's not loaded!
Look, Accountant, have you, by any chance, touched the trigger?
I can't remember...
Sorry, do you mind if I leave this here and I take yours instead?
Well, see you soon and good hunting.
See you.
And watch out, huh.
The ones with money came with armored vehicles, complete with personal guards.
Bravo! 
Good shot Marquis!
A megalomaniac rented a bomber!
For a perfect slingshot strike, aim, keep the target in the middle of the fork, pull the elastic with strenght, until it comes to your ear, then let go...
The poorest ones, counterattacked with the not less effective strategies of guerrilla.
Help me!
Help me, please!
Attack!
I now got hold of a good gun myself, Did you see?
Look how nice!
Enough slingshot!
Now I can also shoot!
Accountant, are you hurt?
Absolutely...
Only very ... ever so slightly ...
I think I need a urologist...
Look, for 2 left ears I can give you the index of the right hand Of a lawyer.
- With nail?
- Yes, it's complete. 
Look how nice.
- two ears...
- Got a light, please?
- Good morning.
Good morning. 
How is it?
My stomach burns.
- I must be a bit nervous ...
- What can we do ...
Sometimes it's the nerves...
Hey Accountant, Where's your gun?
Mine?
I always keep it...
Come on!
Be a man!
C'mon Accountant, shoot now!
He got it in the sleeve!
A granade in the sleeve! 
Run!
Go!
Did you find it, Accountant?
How do you feel?
- Great!
- Good.
Hostilities ceased at sunset.
They all returned home with their prey and trophies ... just in time to see the results of football. 
Next Sunday we'll be back and teach them a lesson.
We can't, there's the trip to Genoa, for the baptism of the new starship Enterprise.
- You can not miss.
- I have an appointment with my brother ...
We added it to the list!
He owes me 5000 lira.
Godmother of the baptism, the ineffable Countess Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare ... great shareholder of the Company.
Here, Countess! 
Your turn!
From 32 meters distance la Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare starts...
Master of ceremony!
Can I throw it?
Throw it, Contessa, throw it!
- Here, Contessa.
- Another bottle?
Yes, please.
This time from 46 meters distance, la Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare starts...
Emcee!
Can I re-throw it?
Retry, Contessa!
But aim more to the centre.
Fantozzi decided to wait in the water till the end of the ceremony.
Emcee!
Can I retry again?
Re-retry Contessa!
But more to the right!
They followed in order...
Mayor with tricolor sash...
Minister of Merchant Marine...
Baroness Filiguelli Bonchamp, 102, lifetime company mascot...
All authorities were quietly thrown aside.
When the reserve of champagne terminated, it was decided to change the ritual of the ceremony.
Cut of a metal wire that would trigger ... the mechanism of the baptism.
Re-starts from 76 meters away la Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare... I cut, in the name of God!
full Archbishop's littlefinger with pastoral ring!
Damn sow, daughter of a great ...!
The ship was christened at nightfall once appeased the cardinal's homicidal rage. 
At night the festivities continued with a big party at the house on the hill, belonging to Counts Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare.
Who, besides inviting the usual and powerful princes, extended the invitation the rest of the employees, even the most humble, given the upcoming union agreements.
This is a real Brandeburg dog, Archduchess, look.
But he scares me a bit.
429 00:35:03,951 -- 00:35:08,931 Fantozzi and Filini arrived with two terrible fracs they hired.
Filini looked like a mutilated...
Fantozzi was virtually in bermudas!
What's that?
A calf?
No, no, no!
It's a horse!
- I think it's a... puppy.
- A dog...?
A big puppy.
a 2 tons puppy.
- He's looking at us. 
He has a human stare.
- Yes?
You see? 
He purrs...
Pardon...
Sorry Doctor, but we our invitation cards.
If you're kind enough to move that leg, we'd go to the party. 
Thank you.
Filini and Fantozzi, What happened to them, I did not see them around.
Maybe they were not invited.
You're wrong, we invited everybody.
- Yes? 
- Even the errand boys, everyone.
- Well, well.
- Why, is someone missing?
Two rude ones, Countess.
Two they think it's chic to be late.
- But do not worry, countess.
- Yes, I worry ...
There are two beloved employees whose whereabouts are unknown!
- Help us!
- Horrible dog, help!
- Help!
- Contessa, help!
What are you doing, watch out!
A human stare, wasn't it?
Purring, wasn't it?
I admit that I was wrong.
Quiet, "Fido"!
Try with "Fufi"!
Quiet, "Fufi"!
Try "Bobi"!
Quiet "Bobi"!
Friedman!
Friedman is not a dog's name!
How on earth is called?
His name was Ivan the Terrible the thirty-second. 
Direct descendant of Ivan the terrible the first. 
Who belonged to Czar Nicholas I.
Legendary champion of hunting of Russian peasants in the steppes ... and executed as an enemy of the people, in the October Revolution in the Red Square.
Now come on. 
Here we are coming!
Slowly, carefully ...
- Do not fret, dear ...
- Here we are!
- No, I'll bring the stairs.
- Do not make efforts, please.
I'm sorry, employee!
Forgive me employee!
Are you hurt?
It's nothing. 
Only a complicated skull fracture.
To make up for the unfortunate accident...
Counts Serbelonni, with an astute patronal move... invited Fantozzi and Filini to the table of honour.
- Bring it there.
- Employee!
- Fantozzi.
- Employee!
Allow me to introduce some of our friends:
Excellency, His Eminence Vetanza.
- Doña Miñaz de Coral...
- Sorry... my hand is slightly sweatty.
General of Aviation Ernesto Maria Lampioni.
Young Marchesa Giava delle Corte.
You know the rules, Fantozzi ...!
You do know how to behave in high society, don't you?
What you must do and must not do...
- yes, yes!
- We'll see!
Why, "we'll see"? 
My hand was only a bit sweatty, sorry.
- Your shoes.
- Thanks, should be exquisi ...
The cocker had taken them, the puppy...
Employee! 
Do you knows our Ambassador in Germany?
Count Otto von Liujbert Steigner.
Heil Hitler!
Forgive me...
Just call me Otto (Eight).
No, no, at least Nine...
- Ten! 
- Eleven! 
- Twelve!
Fantozzi won.
¡Thirtynine, take this!
How good!
Exquisit!
The glasses: 5 in a line on his right and another 5 in line on his left.
What would you drink?
Aren't you thirsty?
My saliva levels are down to zero... then drink!
What are you doing?
I read...
I read my hand...
See? 
The line of luck ...
What day is today?
- Sunday! 
- Sunday!
- They said the same thing at the same time!
Let's do "flic-flac", Give me your little finger!
Ring finger...
Middle...
The Thrush, the most difficult thing in nature!
Cheers!
- Have you finished it?
- Yes, I ate it.
How am I doing?
bad, by God!
At the end, he took a drastic decision, he swallowed it whole.
So good!
Fantozzi's colors: red, Pompeian red, orange lobster, violet, dull purple, dark blue, at dark blue, Fantozzi entered a cardio respiratory arrest.
Rice from the oven with cherry tomatoes garniture.
The tomatoes have this tragic feature:
outside: cold, inside ...
Fireball at 18,000 degrees!
I'm going to get this one!
You're not going to spit it here, I hope?
No, no...
You will not spit here?
You're not going to do that, Fantozzi! 
Get out!
Fantozzi!
Maybe you know ...
What was the name of that temp with that boiled fish face?
- Fantozzi!
- Sí?
Open your mouth and close your eyes.
- Fantozzi!
he had falled right into the arms of Iván the terrible... who after dragging him to the darkest corner of the park, began to dig a sinister looking grave, 1.30 for 2.
And go, then!
It was not the lights of a car that wanted to pass,
The beast kept him besieged for a week,  that was obviously counted as vacation.
Ugo? 
Is it hot enough?
An injustice that Fantozzi could not stand ... so that for the first time in his life,
He faked being sick, and stayed home.
The control!
Wait. 
Do not open!
Do not open!
It wasn't the doctor, it was Mr. Bonetti from the 7th floor!
What happened to the Virgin Mary?
Bonetti? 
And what the hell did he want,
Bonetti from the 7th floor?
To give me a heart attack?
No. 
He has to leave unexpectedly with his family ...
What do I care about this?
He had three free tickets for the American Circus ... he kindly gave them to us.
Free...
He could not sleep all night
The risk was insane!
If you were discovered you would risk at least... a public whipping in the cantine.
But it was the first time in his life that Fantozzi had free tickets.
- What happens?
- I've decided.
- We'll go.
- Where? 
- To the circus.
- We'll be careful...
- Oh, My God But we will go.
- Ugo, is that you?
- Sí.
- It's dad!
Put the scarf back!
Let's go.
The tickets!
Oh God!
Oh, here they are!
That's better!
Come, Mariángela.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, our intelligent chimps!
Don't make me pull you, dear...
Dad, I'm here!
Hello, miss. 
You see...
Ah, it's because you have the same dress...
It was a misunderstanding.
keep up the good work.
"Come on, darling".
Come, Chita...
Eh, Mariangela.
Did you see Pina, how cute was that monkey?
You seem Mariangela, that monkeys are superior animals... excuse me... 
Aren't you the one who was supposed to be in bed, sick?
Me? 
No, you're making a mistake!
And now comes into play... the great Hungarian artist!
- Take this!
- What are you doing here?
Take this!
Go get it immediately! Look at this clown!
Take this, why not?
Gentlemen, our Bronco "Wild Horse".
Greetings, thank you very much!
Accountant Ugo Fantozzi, 7829/bis tuition ...
Consider my situation.
Hold me tight!
- Ugo!
- Papá!
So you are Accountat Fantozzi!
- No, I insist!
it's not me!
600 00:51:12,671 -- 00:51:16,241 And now ladies and gentlemen, the most sensational number!
Mr. Superflight.
The bullet man!
Stop!
Quiet everybody!
Accountant Fantozzi!
Come out!
I know you're in there!
Come out I tell you!
Oh, is that so?
Then I'll take care of you!
He was found a few days later in the province of Agrigento ... by the Archangel Michael.
The divine messenger, reminded him that he was 9 months, and recommended to delve into the delivery room. 
Sorry Doctor, Hadn't we agreed in Bethlehem?
Well, if you say so.
Okay.
"Battleship KOTIOMKIN"
Many years ago, Fantozzi was hired by the company ...  with the position of "Sponge for stamps." 
He succeeded because, in the aptitude test ...  following the advice of a corrupt chief porter, responding to two strange questions from the chairman of the committee
Do you like the German Expressionist film?
It is the love of my life.
And I want to remind here the great teachers: 
Murnau ... and Robert Wiene, from whom we cannot forget "Das kabinett... des Doktor Caligarisss".
Caligari!
Who is David Yourrrrrgryft?
I did not hear...
- Gryft!
- Griffith! 
the father of American cinema!
- Yes, him!
- I adore him, he is like a father to me.
Well, young man.
You are one of us!
The powerful Professor Maria Ricardelli Guidobaldo, was a fanatic worshiper of art cinema.
Once a week he would force his employees and their families... to terrifying visions of cinema classics.
In 20 years Fantozzi had to watch, again and again,
"Dies Irae", from Carl Theodor Dreyer.
Six hours.
"Men of Aran," Flaherty.
Nine parts.
But above all, the most classic of classics  "Battleship Kotiomkin"!
.
18 rolls.
Of which Professor Ricardelli, possessed a rare personal copy.
Excuse me.
What do they show tonight?
- "Battleship Kotiomkin".
- "Battle... ".
- Go, go!
- Battleship... "!
- Ughino... 
Be brave.
Excuse me...
- ¡Ugo! 
Wake up!
- I caught you, "Fantocci"! 
You sleep!
¡No Professor, It was a sudden spell of sickness!
No madam. 
He sleeps like a piece of shit.
- Wake up!
.
- It's already 7:00? 
Alarm clock!
- Coffee, newspaper, bus!
- Ugo!
Good morning, Professor.
Has the film already ended?
- No, but you'd like that, you piece of shit? 
- No, no, no.
There are still 3 parts.
Great! 
3 parts...
And you will see them on your knees.
Kneeling is better ...
- On your knees ...
- Not here. 
Come, follow me!
It's a piece of shit.
That's the right word ...
Here!
On the chickpeas!
Let's see if you sleep well here.
For more than 20 years suffered Fantozzi horrible public humiliation...  during and after the screenings, when Ricardelli would open a discussion about the film.
And now, as always, I invite you to express your aesthetic judgment.
It's a great film!
- I demand a word in!
- You ...
- Is a masterpiece.
- The eye of the mother,
- ... the stroller with the baby!
- You, Filini ...
When I see the detail of the boots, I fall into ecstasy.
Say.
Tonight the analog montage moved me completely!
The boots of the soldiers and above all, the stroller!
Yes, it's true. 
Say.
The poor baby stroller that rushes down the stairs.
Professor, couldn't we watch it again from the beginning?
I wish, dear friend. 
But it's late.
And you, "Fantocci"!
Do you open your mouth only to yawn?
¿No tiene nada que decir?
...Nothing to say?
My husband, the Accountant Fantozzi, is awestruck.
No ma'am "Fantocci" Your husband is a piece of shit.
Is it true or not?
On Saturday the 18th, at 20:25 pm, Live from Wembley stadium,
England-Italy, qualification for the World Cup.
Fantozzi had a wonderful program!
Socks, underwear, flannel robe, table watching television ... his favourite, omelette with onions, large beer cold, demoniac breath ...  and free burping!
"We are now connecting to Wembley to broadcast on Eurovision "...
"the live broadcast of the match" ...
"Italy-England, valid for the World Cup. "
Ugo, look, Doesn't she look as an angel?
Yeah, fine. 
Look, don't boter me, I don't want to hear a fly.
Pina, pepper, pepper!
And, Pina, don't forget to disconnect...
"In a moment we'll switch to Wembley to broadcast on Eurovision "...
"Italia-Inghilterra, valid for the world cup".
Oh, it's you Accountant Filini!
Aha, Filini!
I'm already in the trenches!
I bet we win, 10 coffees to 1. 
Italy, Italy!
Did you hear?
What?
Fine, Accountant.
We obey.
"Dear viewers, we are at Wembley ... "
Italia, Italia!
"Teams are placed in the field to sing the national anthems. "
Ugo! 
I think you can not watch the game tonight.
What!
?
- We gotta get out ...
- What...
Professor Ricardelli.
No!
Filini to me we have to go immediately to see a Checoslovak film.
But with German subtitles!
- No! 
- Ugo!
- Dad...
Ughino, don't be like that!
"We reached the big time. 
Italy-England are played in this historic match"...
"qualification for the finals World Cup. "
"Inquiry of timers. 
The referee blows" ...
The match has begun!
"Capelli Pass to Purici. 
To Antonioni.
Tunnel to the English defender ".
- "Another tunnel. heel for Roccia".
- Ugo, we are running late.
"Center, miracolous intervention of the English porter.
"Take from the bottom. 
Controls Benetti Purici happens to the left ".
"Formidable cannon of Purici that clears the crossbar. "
"The ball is controlled by Bellugi. 
Bellugi for Capello now as right wing. 
"Elude the McKinley center trying to stop it.
"Shoots, nape of English, Capello quill again neck, "... ...
"terrible confusion, nose, neck, shin, neck, ear "... 
"enters Purici, Almost goes off target ".
"Sorry for the excitement, friends who are facing the screen "...
"but I haven't seen such a good start of the Azzurri since 170 years. 
"The ball is by Tardelli, speeding.
McKinley eludes stop trying "...
"Shoot. 
Nape of McKinley, Savoldi leg, nose of Antognoni ".
"Nape of English goalkeeper, nose McKinley, Benetti leg, neck "...
- Adjust it!
- There you go!
- Ughino, calm down please...
- I couldn't hear...
"Fabulous strike!"...
¡Pole!
Pole!
- Ugo where are you going?
- Will you come back, dad?
"The Azzurri tear in again.
They approach the English area. "
"Azzurri attack. 
Antognoni jump almost hangs on the back to McKinley. "
Excuse me.
Who hit the pole?
"strike from McKinley,"
"Terrible fall of the English goalkeeper".
"The 120,000 spectators at Wembley and you, the lucky million "... "
"that nothing could tear away from the front of the screen "...
"may notice that tonight's Italy dwarfs the memory "... 
"of that legendary extra time of Italy, Germany, Mexico "
Nothing?
The tie?
Pocket ...
Perfect!
Okay, go ahead!
The mouth ...
Pregnant? 
9 inches? 
...
Congratulations.
Did you see?
What an embarassment.
With great sadness I must inform you that by an oversight ... the copy of the Czechoslovak film did not arrive on time.
Therefore we cannot make the projection.
Let's go!
Where are you going?
Everybody freeze!
Instead, there will be a screening of the Masterpiece of Serghei M. Einstein   "Battleship Kotiomkin".
Tonight I feel a more vibrant tension, they are more active, they exchange comments.
yes, they partecipate more, Professor.
they were not exchanging comments.
In the darkness of the room... were running uncontrollable and implausible rumors.
It was said that Italy won 20-0 ...  and goalkeeper Zoff had made a header from a corner.
Twentyone!
Well, we opened our usual debate.
Who want to speak?
Filini?
Calboni?
Excuse me!
Can I say something?
Ah, our piece of shit!
Come Fantocci!
Please come.
Finally you have an opinion.
Who knows what deep aesthetic judgment you must have matured over the years?
Talk, talk.
Well?
For me, "Battleship Kotiomkin"  It's fucking shit!
Ninety-two minutes of applause!
Got it?
Piece of shit!
Burn! 
There you have soldiers' boots!
The first thing was to destroy forever ...
The damn personal copy of the damn "Battleship Kotiomkin."
On the chickpeas!
- Look!
- Your "eye of the mother"!
The baby stroller!
There is your analog montage!
¡"Halt"!
Just a moment!
Now, the screenings!
Guidobaldo María Riccardelli was forced to watch for 2 days... and 2 nights non stop, to see continuously rotating...
"Giovannona long legs", "The Esorciccio" y "police are pissed off".
- Want some coffee?
- How about some coffee?
Come on, right!
Piece of shit.
- Ughino, a coffee?
- No, no.
Bravo, my hero Fantozzi!
Until the dawn of the third day, the police got pissed off for real.
There's no escape!
You are surrounded!
Never!
- Never!
¡Fantozzi, I am the Director of Directors!
I advise you to release immediately the hostage...
And to surrender unconditionally!
We'll never surrender, did you hear me?
Never!
Bah, maybe...
Stop it!
To partly compensate Professor Ricardelli... of the irreparable loss of his beautiful film ...
The mutineers were sentenced a horrendous punishment, worth of a Dantean circle of hell.
They had to recreate atleast the main sequence of the masterpiece destroyed, every saturday afternoon, until they reached retirement ...
We can begin!
Die, Filini!
- Bastards!
- We will take revenge!
Down boy!
mother's eye!
Soldiers open fire!
Murderers!
Now, the stroller!
- Please, go slow...
- Sí, Accountant.
Today it's already the 4th time!
Oh, mamá! 
¡Oh, mamá!
Oh God!
Bravo, "Fantocci"!
You are so nicely chubby, Like an infant.
Don't worry, nobody will take away this role from you.
You have the "fisique du role".
Now do another take.
- Another?
.
- Yes, yes, another.
- We do another one?
- Yes..
Good, have you seen the analog montage?
Almost better than the Master's one!
Let's start again!
Get back in your position!
- Ugo!
- Bye, Dad!
A sad morning, Mrs. Pina and Mariángela, left ... 
to attend the funeral of a distant second cousin in Pescara.
They left Fantozzi alone with his pain.
After centuries of everyday family bondage ...
He was free.
And with a free house ...
Calboni took advantage situation.
and involved him in a shady affair...
With that face, I bet you need to tell me something.
Something unpleasant, but you lack the courage, right?
- No...
- Sí.
Could it be that the Engineer Masella Cominetti ... wants the balance for tomorrow morning ... and that you, me and Filini ...
Must work all night at your house?
- Sí?
- Sí.
I'm sorry. 
Just tonight, that I had invited my wife out for dinner ...
Dont worry about it, maybe I can come too...
To give you company.
-Why Not?
_Not!
Oh, nevermind then.
- Can I sit he...
- No, it's busy.
- and here?
- No, also busy.
- All busy...
- Move on, go. further down there is plenty of room.
Then I'll leave, ma'am ...
Bon appetit ...
Bye, Fantozzi.
Then Vivi, what shall we do, are you busy?
. 
Oh, Ok.
The appointment was at 21:30 at the phone booth  of Garibaldi Avenue.
here Calboni made 126 phone calls... to an equal number of unknown people, describing them to us as actresses and models.
Hi, Zizi.
Oh, did you recognize me?
Si, sí.
I am with 2 friends.
Let's say middle-aged.
ne short and fat.
The other is thin, but shortsighted.
Double lenses.
Type owl, do you know?
What Ah, I see.
All right.
Ciao, Zizi!
She's also is busy?
No, they're all free...
But when I start describing you, they make excuses.
But if you, describes so ...
"Owl type," he says!
But I cannot compromise my reputation!
I cannot sell a dead.
Calboni sorry, could you not be at least lighter with the next one?
...What next one?
- What next, the last one was Zizi.
- How, Zizi?
- Watch out, disgraces can happen.
Well?
I finished my ones.
And yours!
?
No, no, no, sorry...
- El Contable Fantozzi was...
- Oh God...
- What's happening "puccettone?
- "Lost...! 
I've lost them!
Oh God!
I've lost them!
My savings...
So we said:
Accountant fantozzi put in the place,
I brought the alcohol, the rest was up to you.
Ok, just a moment.
Let's see...
Oh, what an idiot!
Why did I not think about it earlier?
- What?
- The "Hippopotamus"!
is it a girl who's...
No, it's a club!
it's full of nice lonely ladies, who go there looking for company...
Let's go! 
Taxi!
- Which are the first three?
- Why three?
One each, no?
You live only once!
Taxi!
Hi, babe!
bab...
sorry, miss.
- Is the action started?
- we are the first in.
She meant they were the first clients in 3 months.
- People is coming!
- C'mon girls, get ready!
They are all high class, girls from the high bourgeoise.
- Ah!
- There's also some big name around.
No, don't know them.
But they are incognito.
Club's rule.
Here, no names, only telephone numbers.
- Got it?
- You choose and call ...
A "drink", gentlemen?
Do you want to drink?
We brought a bottle...
Don't be stupid!
You bring the bottles from home?
we'll take 3 "scotch", please.
What do we drink, Calboni?
Three "scotch".
I meanwhile ...
"Scotch"...
Yes?
Lady Ten, Will you grant an appointment, say ... on the dancefloor, say in 5 seconds?
- Ok.
- see you soon.
You see? 
C'mon, try it yourselves.
Thank you, Countess.
Thank you, dear. 
So beautiful!
So? 
Will you choose.
- Me?
- Sí.
Filini, n.3 is looking at us...
N. 12!
N. 7!
N. 1 too!
And n. 5!
Accountant, they are all watching us.
Accountant, say a number.
- Me.
- Sí.
Ah, ah, ah... 180!
Too much, they're only 12!
Eh, I like n.5...
Damn, I like n. 5 too!
- You can have her!
- No, no, no, she's yours.
No please! 
Go on.
- Stay calm.
- I've got sweatty hands.
Here!
I make the number.
- Hello!
- Hello, Who's there?
- It's Olga, darling.
- Oh, it's not the Cometti's house?
Sorry, wrong number.
- Your turn.
- wrong number...
You try now.
Did you call me, darling?
- Good morning. 
You called Mrs.?
.
- I truly ...
So why did you call me?
Do you mind if I sit?
- Of course...
- Do you mind if my friend also come?
- Do you mind if I order champagne?
- Waiter, take away this stuff.
Out, out!
Garçon, champagne!
They did everything one can do...
To be robbed in a nightclub.
Two boxes of Dom Perignon made with bicarbonate.
What a good drink!
Midnight flambe'dinner.
I adore flames.
Photos souvenir of the evening.
Calboni ordered 40 copies.
Enormous stuffed toys, as a present for the ladies.
Gypsy Violins on the dancefloor.
Miss, if only ...
I had the chance ...
To find...
A person that can understand me, I could do anything...
- how is it going with yours?
- She's a bit tall...
Better. 
I think they are ready to come by you.
Do you think so?
Bravo! 
Bravo!
Thank you guys!
Good night, let's go.
- The bill, sir...
- Sí.
Good, put everything on my account...
What account?
Well, send it to my place...
What place?
They will settle for now.
We'll calculate later the shares.
- In the meantime I talk to the girls.
- Are you going to settle this?
Ah, sorry.
Excuse me...
¡649 thousand liras...
Plus 18% service cost.
Four years of sacrifices.
In addition, finally Calboni dropped the mask about the "ladies".
I arranged for 50,000 liras per girl.
A good deal, right?
Do you want money?
Why?
How much is left in the Box?
With Filini's 8000 liras we have...
- 52000 liras.
- Damn! 
It's enough only for mine.
pok, give them here.
my one wants her money in advance.
Sorry about that, they are 2 trashy good for nothing.
C'mon,Let's go.
Taxi!
How do you call a taxi here? 
Taxi!
this time he ordered 9 taxi
In average, 2 and 1/4 per person.
- Calboni!
- Settle the bill please, ...We'll settle ourselves later.
- But how? 
I haven't got anything...
Who's going to settle here?
Calboni!
- I do not have a ...
- Who is going to pay here?
Wait a minute.
Filini!
Say, Accountant!
- Please fix the bill!
- Me?
- yeah, we'll settle between ourselves later.
- What do I do?
Accountant Fantozzi, don't leave me like this!
Filini spent the rest of the night in first aid ...
At Our Immaculate Lady Hospital.
Fantozzi  instead spent the night in the foyer of his home. 
It's 7:00!
. 
Pina, coffee, the newspaper, the mail!
Good morning, Ms. Silvani of Calboni ...
- What brings you h...
- Where is my husband?
I haven't understood the question.
Where's that pig?
- Surveyor Calboni?
- Exactly.
Surveyor Calboni has...
taken a detour and went away.
How good And what were you doing lying here like a watchdog?
Oh, every Saturday it's my turn...
- Here in the condo, lots are drawn ...
- Do not be a clown, Fantozzi!
You know very well he is with a woman!
And you are covering him!
you pimp, scoundrel! "Fantocci", don't be a clown, open this door!
...I don't have the keys.
How, is this not your place?
This? 
No, this... eh... 
I...
He locked himself in.
- Pig!
- You're a pig, Calboni!
You made her cry!
Open!
...made her cry.
Pig!
- "Fantocci"...
- Fantozzi...
- "Fantocci"...
- "Fantocci"...
"Fantocci", be a man, and break that door down.
I break it down...
It did not work.
I try again.
- What are you doing?
- The door is new.
Push it properly.
Let's go over there.
- Give it a good push.
- Sí.
Take career as a gazelle.
Well, well. 
Attack as a battering ram.
Like this...
Banzai!
Yeah, I'm coming...
He had fallen squarely on bus n. 77 from 5:26 am...
Which brought him back home at 6:13, after a tour of the city.
Pig!
Ah, it's you Fantozzi?
I thought that pig had come back.
Also, you come in like that, without warning...
Forgive me, I did not want to frighten you.
Why do you make that face?
I did not kill you.
It was very light.
Yes, that's because it was a vase of "blown" glass from Murano, my wife's, very valuable.
But don't worry, we have 2 of them.
Ms Silvani de Calboni.
Don't call me like this, I don't want to hear his name!
I will not do that again,
But this is the last... it's better I put it somewhere safe.
Sorry, ms.
Fortunately it's safe...
So now can I call you again...
Miss Silvani... like the good old times?
- Do you know what he did?
- No.
Do you know? 
Not only he cheated on me.
But he fled like a coward,
And he left me there with that energumena.
Do you know what she did?
She broke the umbrella on my head!
I know, it was my wife's umbrella. 
The only.
But this has been the drop that broke the vase.
There are no more vases!
Oh, I thought... that you had a modern marriage, and happy.
It has been the biggest mistake of my life.
A tragedy!
- A fiasco!
- Miss!
Miss!
what are you doing?
I... was kissing the hand.
Fortunately I' m still young, and beautiful, to build my life again.
You are very beautiful.
Enough!
You know what I' ll do?
- No.
- I' m going to sleep at the hotel!
- Bravo!
- You know what else?
I' ll leave my job, get my liquidation.
And I will run away with the first one passing by.
what...
Why...?
What are you saying?
Why with the first one passing by?
Miss...
I' m also tired of this life.
I can also take my liquidation.
I' m also young and pleasant enough...
Miss, I need only a word from you.
not even that, because silence meas consent.
Miss, let me hug you!
This time was n. 102 that goes around the hills.
So Fantozzi had all the time to make a list... of all possible solutions for their new life. 
""Croupier" in Casablanca, drummer in Harlem, hippie in Nepal. 
At the end, he left the choice...
To his companion.
- let' s go to Capri.
- What for?
As a honeymoon.
Then we'll see.
Accountant, what are you doing!
Get a move!
It was the last card of his life.
Fantozzi, marked it with indifference. 
As always.
With the same style, trying not to show ...
Any emotion, he had the last meal with his family.
Well...
I' m going...
To buy cigarettes...
Sí, Ugo.
No, don' t...
- Ill be back, Straight away.
- Sí.
Cigarettes?
But dad does not smoke!
he has decided to try.
Hopefully he' ll stop soon...
Miss, imagine that in eleven hours ... 11 hours and 40 minutes, at the most,
We' ll be in Naples.
When I went there on honeymoon, It took only an hour and twenty ...
In a Mercedes Spider 2800.
Because Calboni is what will be, but knows a lot about cars.
Why, with Calboni went Honeymoon ...
In Capri?
Why?
Where it' s good to go on honeymoon?
I don' t know...
We could have gone to Venice!
Venice is so obvious...
It does not matter... what matters is...
To break with one' s past.
No, the important thing is arrive in time to last ferry.
Hurry, Fantozzi!
Be quick!
move the wheel!
faster!
Brake!
Brake!
Brake!
Calboni is what will be, but the day I came here with him, The day was superb!
The heat was like in Africa!
Ok, But Miss... that was in July...
Today it' s the 20th of December.
I bet Calbonidid not even suffer dizziness...
You can say what you want about Calboni ... but he endure sea as a battleship.
Don't tell me you' re going to throw up?
!
No, no, no!
I...
I am an aircraft carrier.
An aircraft carrier!
An aircraft carrier!
Excuse me.
Man overboard!
Man overboard!
To overcome Calboni,
Fantozzi chose the most luxurious hotel in Capri.
Also because, it was the only one open during winter.
- The bags, please.
- Who is it?
- The bags!
- Take these hands ...
Scoundrel!
Bastard!
- Thief!
- Give me back my stuff!
Excuse sorry ...
How violent you become with subordinates, Fantozzi.
i go to sit down, You go to the reception.
At your service, ma'am.
Good morning, sorry ...
Do you happen to have a Single Room for two?
We only have apartments sir.
How much?
- 60000.
- Not more?
Fantozzi thought he meant 60000 per month.
We are in low season, sir.
The suite with sea view costs 80,000, sir.
Sir, if you want something special, we have the royal suite... 100 thousand.
- I take it! 
It' s mine!
- Very well.
Do not give it away. 
Now I give you my documents...
Passport...
Of Ms...
of Miss. 
- I pay now.
- Please afterward. 
After.
- Accompany him.
- Payment after?
- Please.
- Thanks.
- No problem.
- Is the key?
An apartment like this per 100000, is worthy of the "Arabian Nights".
No big deal.
- This is the bedroom.
- Not bad.
- With 2 bathrooms.
- Of course.
It' s almost vulgar...
What happens?
- La llave en el pie...
- Bien.
- The key in the foot ...
- Well.
For dinner would you like the salon, or do you prefer to have it served here?
Here, with candlelight!
An intimate dinner in the bedroom.
No, look, for me neither here or downstairs ..
I could not eat a caper tonight.
My only dream is to be inside this bed.
In the bed?
No capers,
I don' t want them either!
Go away!
Miss...
Ugo Fantozzi, What got into your head?
- What?
- Calboni was who he was... but to be gentle, on the first night... he slept in a different room.
Do you want to do less than him?
Sí. 
I meant, no!
- Then go to sleep in a different room 
- Sí.
- Go, understood?
- Sí.
- Good night.
- What do you want now?
- ... 
My hand!
- What?
- I left my hand...
In the room!
But I can leave it there tonight...
No, take it back.
And do not bother me anymore!
First day, in the morning. 
Tragic "shopping" to find the... 
Caprese fisherman clogs, that looked very good on Calboni.
I love them!
You look unsure.
Can you walk with them?
Sí, sí, Miss, I can walk quite well.
Nearly as...
Fucking hell!
How are you doing?
Well!
Very well!
Fantozzi!
Why not enter between the Strait cliffs?
Always did that!
Is this yours?
Yes, bring it to the Royal suite.
What?
Where am I?
Oh, in the bedroom!
.
- Miss!
- yes!
- Where are you?
- Here.
How are you doing?
Painting my lips.
Pin in the lips?
No, Fantozzi.
Painting my lips.
Miss...
But I slept...
Good morning...
In the bedroom?
- Sí, sí.
- How come?
Sí, Fantozzi.
- What?
- Everything.
- What!
?
- We did everything, Fantozzi.
miss...
I feel like angels singing.
always a poet, Fantozzi.
But Miss, I...
Do not remember anything...
That' s better, Fantozzi.
C'mon.was what he was...
But at this time he was in the pool.
Let' s go.
At the pool then.
Miss, now a bath, in memory of Calboni!
Waiter apologize, How's the pool's water?
What water!
?
¡Fantozzi!
What do you do?
Come, Miss, do not be afraid.
It's low, I feel the bottom.
Towards evening, Fantozzi attempted a desperate revenge.
I hear the sea!
You hear it and I'm there,
Because a dive like this...
Acapulco style, I' m sure Calboni did not do it.
Is it not too high for you?
Don' t worry Miss.
There' s a boat down there...
Waiting in case...
Here I go!
Virgin of the divers...
I see you've had a beautiful day ...
But this is my clothes.
And these shoes?
Sorry whose are those shoes?
Husband of Mrs... he came to spend the holidays with her.
1283 01:36:31,684 -- 01:36:33,014 they are already celebrating.
Already..
celebrating...
How long did it take for you to come!
Ya no aguantaba más.
Chin-chin, my love.
Si, si, chin-chin, chin-chin.
But swear...
That cockroach never touched you.
But of course I swear!
He believes I did let him.
He fell for it like an idiot.
I pity him.
"Repairing the bottom of the pool, Mayor Penon arrangement ...
Compensation... damages to the premises of the square by destruction of relics ... four orderlies services, one recovery room ... almost new boat completely destroyed ...
Accommodation of Ms and mr Calbony till Epiphany.
Will you pay cash?
promissory notes!
They were akilo and 250 grams, to be paid in 3 months.
Fantozzi signed them with icy indifference.
As he had already decided to kill himself...
Jumping from Thiberius cliff. 
He had been fished by a fishing boat from Torre Anunziata... re-sold him to "Findus" and offered for sale...
As frozen bass .
Merry Christmas, ma'am. 
What do you want?
- Merry Christmas. 
I want that.
- That one?
Two good slices?
¡No, no, no!
I want it whole.
All of it!
How much is by Kg?
Ugo...
You' ll see, everything will get better.
Also at the Office.
And if not, it does not matter.
The only thing that matters, is that you love us.
Do you love us?
Do you love us, dad?
Ok, at the end...
Who cares!
Oh God!
Ugo, are you hurt?
Ugo, My love.
- Buon natale!
Hello? 
Yes, it' s me.
Who' s there?
Who?
Is this a joke?
It wasn't.
It was really the Mega Galactic President himself.
Dear Fantozzi, First of all, Happy Christmas.
I have before me your request for readmission and his file.
Sorry if I disturb the privacy of your home on this holy night ... but I spend here in my office, because for me work ... is a prayer.
I need to talk to you for a moment.
Sit down and listen.
So, dear fantozzi, do you accept?
Fantozzi, are you here?
- I' ll accept anything!
- But how?
You haven't even heard what I said.
I accept anything!
I surrender unconditionally!
Then come, Fantozzi dear...
What? 
Are you afraid?
But we love you so much.
That' s why I am afraid...
1349 01:41:00,954 -- 01:41:03,664 Let' s go!
Let's kill the fat calf!
Me?
No, you are the prodigal son.
the lost sheep who came back to our corral.
We say, welcome back.
thanks, will, you take me back?
Of course!
My old position?
No, we cannot do that.
1359 01:41:28,214 -- 01:41:30,634 But we'll give you something else.
- Meaning?
- That is,
Apart from our forgiveness... we offer you the purifying joy of earning your position.
You' ll start from the lower step, we take you back as lightning rod lightning.
Fantozzi!
Fantozzi!
I wish you a good work!
Dear Accountant!
And I recommend:
Don' t be sad.
Laugh!
. 
Laugh!
Work is bliss.
Work is happiness!
That's it.
So!
Let's go to work then!
Bravo!
Good luck, Fantozzi!

Japan Art Theater Guild
Produced by Imamura Prod., Soei-sha and ATG
Directed by Kazuhiko Hasegawa
I have to get my car from my dad.
I'll go right now.
We need stock. 
Buy them.
He'll give me hell.
I want a gun.
Don't quarrel. 
Pretend you're listening.
I have good ears, unlike your left ear.
My dad's stingy about the car.
But he made a down payment.
I'd steal it. 
You can own things your parents own.
Your mother hates girls like me.
You have an umbrella?
Only one for a woman.
"Holding an umbrella,
"Jack goes to a box with his balls."
What?
A funny poem by a funny writer.
I'm not educated, but I know these things.
It's about a man visiting his girl.
But I'll go to my old man and wife.
Holding an umbrella Jack goes to a box...
"YOUTH TO KILL"
No! 
No!
Damn that old man!
Hell! 
My mamma!
Jun, what's up?
I don't like this!
This is silly.
It's not the place.
Don't do it! 
Not here!
Turn on the light.
I want you to look at my body.
I've seen you.
Surprised to see me so well developed?
Your mamma's smart.
She knows I've been in love with you.
Say it.
What did you say?
Hell! 
I spoke into your deaf ear.
I lost hearing.
Because I ate a fig.
A fig?
There was a fig tree by the back door of your old house.
You told that to my mamma.
Did I?
She's an alcoholic now, but she was strict then.
She slapped me on my ear.
Did she do that?
That's why I lost hearing in it.
I don't remember.
It's true. 
Believe me.
I think you had to tell my mamma about the fig.
If it's true, I'll have to apologize.
Don't. 
I don't want you to apologize.
Darling, come here!
Wait! 
Wait!
I'll hit you!
We've been waiting for you.
Is this a trap? 
I shouldn't have come.
I didn't notice you took the key.
You're a thief.
You're thieves. 
You stole it from me.
Where's that girl?
She isn't with me.
He says she isn't here.
If Keiko's here, we can settle it right away.
Is this her umbrella?
Don't! 
It's still usable.
Go hurry 
- I know how to make her leave you.
I'll handle it.
You may get mad, but I had a private detective investigate her.
Your mother doesn't know.
You did the same thing to me.
Part with Keiko at once.
I will - after 3 months.
Do it now, or her body will bind you like your mother says.
It's not her body I love.
Do you mean you love her character?
If you don't leave her, I'll have to quit the snack bar.
Why should you?
Why did you hire me?
Just to fire me?
You bought the car for me, didn't you?
You brought Keiko to me, didn't you?
Why change your mind now?
I'll start to hate you, if you keep it up.
Don't get mad. 
There're knives around here.
I said "if."
Do you know how Keiko lost the hearing in her left ear?
Her mother hit her.
Is that in the detective's report?
Why was she hit?
Because of a fig.
Years ago, she ate a fig from the tree near our house.
I don't remember any fig tree.
By the backdoor.
There was an azalea outside the backdoor.
Azaleas don't bear fruit.
Did Keiko say she ate a fig?
I told her mother she ate it.
Are you sure you told her?
You'd believe anything a girl tells you? 
How gullible!
Was it really an azalea?
Why would a mother hit her child so hard she becomes deaf?
Better think about it.
What does the report say?
She was raped by her mother's lover.
Her mother thought Keiko seduced him.
Things like that sometimes happen.
She's lying to you.
Can't you see?
Know where she got the fig idea?
A fig leaf is used for hiding a man's privates.
It's classic.
The rapist was a foreigner.
Stop!
She's the kind who'd lie when the truth wouldn't hurt.
It was a fig tree.
No!
I remember one.
Go ask your mother, then.
She knows nothing of the report.
Jun, eat supper before you go.
I'll start cooking.
Jun, I've bought vegetables for your snack bar.
I'm too good-natured.
I complain and still get stock for you.
Don't come! 
Don't come here.
What? 
What happened?
Don't look! 
Go away!
Don't look!
Don't look!
He's just stopped breathing.
Hospital...
Did you call an ambulance?
Isn't he breathing?
He stopped moving while I was looking.
Don't die, my dear!
Don't die!
Don't die!
Calm down. 
He's already dead.
I killed him.
I stabbed him.
With this.
Don't you see?
What do you mean?
Maybe you can't understand.
Understand what?
Darling!
There's so much blood!
We'll never clean it all.
What did you say?
Jun, do you...?
It's still wet. 
Look at this blood.
You fool!
Don't hold a thing like this!
Why did you do it?
I wanted to shut him up.
About Keiko? 
What did he say about her?
I'll tell it to the police.
I'll go later and give myself up.
Give yourself up?
Don't worry about it. 
I don't care.
Absolutely no! 
I don't want you to be jailed!
I won't go!
I said, I'll go. 
Calm down.
Let's think about this.
You didn't hurt an outsider.
This is strictly a family matter.
No one is charging you with anything.
Can't you see? 
Your father had object to your execution.
I'll be executed.
I couldn't bear it.
Your father dead and you executed? 
It's too much.
It's for the state to decide.
The state is nothing.
Law!
Laws are worthless!
Don't let them disturb our family.
Forget about laws!
The state and law -
Did you understand what I said?
A little.
A little is not enough. 
You must understand fully.
All this will only cause us a lot of trouble.
This doesn't affect anybody except us.
Law and the state don't matter?
I'll close it.
What?
The shop.
Wash your face and hands.
We'll have to get busy.
Pull yourself together.
I forgot something important.
Okay. 
I won't go to the police.
Darling, please protect us.
If you have a soul, give us your advice.
Help him when he's questioned by the police.
If you still have a soul...
Stop it! 
You're foolish!
I'm praying for you. 
Can't you see?
I don't believe the soul exists after death.
But I don't want him to punish you.
Punish me?
Let him do, if he can.
I couldn't care less.
You should respect your dead father.
If the police have nothing to do with this,
I'd feel worthless.
The blood's beginning to congeal.
What shall we do?
We have to clean it up.
Jun!
You can't help. 
Let me do it.
We have to get rid of him.
I'm a no-good bum.
I'm no-good. 
I'm no-good.
Jun!
You're becoming hysterical!
You look like you're going to burn the house.
Want me to?
You fool! 
Don't even think of such a thing!
Come with me.
I couldn't speak beside his body.
Of what?
Let's live together from now on - just us.
Let's pretend your father eloped with a young woman.
Agree with me.
It's a small matter.
Frankly, I feel I've been waiting for this situation.
His death?
Nonsense!
I've been waiting for this.
I'd been wishing he'd suddenly disappear.
So I wouldn't have to handle truck tires.
I'd be relieved of hard work.
I don't want to fix flat tires at age 45.
Listen, let's sell this place.
The shop and the house.
We can get 25 million yen just for the lot.
Let's sell your bar and go to a town where nobody knows us.
Where nobody knows us.
Let's buy a condominium.
If it's not too dear, we can live several years without working.
We'll stay indoors and won't see anybody.
Study hard and try to go to college.
Go to prep school and a college and then do graduate work.
And continue studying and become a scholar.
And then -
And after 10 years, you can marry a kind, decent woman.
Ten years?
The statute of limitations.
After that we can relax.
If it's felony, the period is fifteen years.
I see. 
Fifteen years.
In 15 years, you'll be almost forty.
But be patient as I'll act as your wife till then.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Fifteen years...
You mustn't tell our secret to anybody until then.
Can you do that?
Everybody in the world is your enemy.
Do you understand?
The person closest to you is your worst enemy.
You mean Keiko?
Yes.
If you're with her, you'll reveal the secret.
Even if you don't, she'll sense it. 
She'll know.
Shut up! 
I'll leave her.
I'm glad to hear it.
If you refused to leave her, I wouldn't know what to do.
Thank you, thank you.
Stop! 
I feel lousy.
Send her away somewhere.
Send her to Hokkaido, even if you have to pay.
Don't give me orders!
I'm no kindergarten kid!
I have to plan everything.
Then think of how to get rid of the body.
I've already decided.
Look! 
We'll use this as a weight.
This weighs 20 kilos.
A weight? 
Into the sea?
Exactly. 
We'll call it burial at sea.
Where's best?
The best place is a clean, deep place far from the shore.
Trouble is it's hard to rent a boat these days.
What'll happen to the body if the water's dirty and oily?
It'll rot completely.
Of that I'm sure.
Only his bones will remain.
They'll be washed and become like shells.
An old wheel rusts faster.
It can't act as a weight very long.
We'll have to use a new one.
I think you've planned this for a long time.
A truck driver told me it was the best way to dispose a body.
Any better way?
Let's think of a better way by tonight.
I'll get ready to dispose it.
Where are you going?
To the bathroom. 
It's the best place for it.
You can wash away blood easily there.
Let's work together. 
We'll do the dirtiest job first.
Cover your nose too.
What for?
Because of the smell of blood.
You hold his feet. 
I'll hold his head.
Damn it! 
We're not moving a bed.
I'll do it.
Blood will make you slip and fall.
I don't care.
Jun!
Not that way!
Shut up! 
Don't give me orders!
I did this, so I'll dispose it by myself.
I didn't know it'd be as easy as this.
His body slides on his own blood.
Stop!
Pull it more gently.
Shut up, will you?
Whether I handle it gently or roughly, it's still the same.
What's the difference?
This is a coffin for you.
A polyethylene coffin.
Forgive us, darling.
Be patient until we drop you into the sea.
We'll purify you with seawater.
I'll put him in there!
Wait!
What'll we do, if he hates the sea bottom and comes up?
We'd better use several wheels.
You liked the sea.
When you came here for the first time, you were riding a bicycle looking at the sea.
There were many people gathering shell fish.
"I like the sea.
"You can get sea shells if you dig into sand.
"I'll stop peddling popsicles and live by seashore."
You said so, didn't you?
Are you through?
Stop it!
Darling!
Does he hate to be sunk into the sea?
It can't be. 
He ought not to get angry.
You remember, don't you?
Your bicycle had a flat tire and we couldn't go home.
We spent the night on the beach.
We watched the sunrise over the sea.
You shouted, "This is the sea!
"I'll find a job around here!"
You said that many times while I was fixing the tire.
You were looking up at my face from the sand. 
You said,
"I have nothing
"but my two hands and two feet to work with."
So I said to you, "No, you're wrong."
I said, "If you're a man,
"you have another leg in the middle."
Your face turned red. 
You suddenly got up and said,
"I haven't used it for a long time.
"But it's still good."
Answer it.
Shut up! 
We're busy now!
Are you scared? 
If so, cut the phone wire.
We can't. 
We mustn't act like criminals.
I'm criminal already.
Make it snappy. 
You're too weak.
You're wrong. 
My heart is...
I feel as if my heart's being squeezed by an invisible hand.
An invisible hand?
My heart's aching. 
I feel a pain.
Drink some whiskey.
I'll call a doctor.
No, I better not.
Do you have heart disease?
I feel a pain for the first time.
I'll go away.
I think it'll be impossible to hide the truth.
I'll find a way to settle this.
You'd better find your own way.
What do you mean by my own way?
What do you mean?
I have to put you in upside down.
Forgive me.
Jun!
We'll need quite a few towels.
You're planning to run away from me.
If you don't plan to live with me, why bother cleaning up here?
You're right.
I must be an idiot.
What's funny? 
I know you'll run from me.
Running away from me - do you want to do so?
You're innocent. 
You needn't run.
Don't lie to me!
You're planning to run off with her.
I didn't say that.
I can see it in your face.
You plan to blame me for it and run away with her.
With all the money in the safe, huh?
If I'd planned to, I'd be gone already.
You mean you don't know where the key to the safe is?
Don't be stupid. 
I wasn't planning to leave you.
You laugh. 
You're planning to cheat me. 
I know you are.
Don't get excited.
You're the one who's getting excited.
You're obsessed by her.
You're being enslaved by that slut.
You killed your father.
And now you're going to steal my money!
I've slaved for that money for 20 years.
Stop talking!
I'm not saying I'll run for my own sake.
Even the phone scared you.
You won't be able to get away with this.
You'd better tell the truth.
All right.
Don't talk any more.
I know I'd better die.
I know that.
I'll set fire to this house.
They'll think I'd lost my mind and killed him and myself.
The whole thing will seem more honorable that way.
Hey!
You can leave. 
Go anywhere you like.
Run away with your slut.
I don't care any more.
I'm fed up with it.
What are you doing?
I want to dress.
I want to wear my best kimono when I die.
I haven't spent even 1,000 yen for my own pleasure.
I haven't visited a hot spring.
I haven't done anything.
I'm sorry.
An apology's useless now.
What do you say?
Let's do it. 
Let's do it.
Move away!
I'm hungry.
We'll finish cleaning and...
After eating we'll think it over.
Jun, use this sheet to wrap him.
I don't need this.
Die! 
Die before I kill myself!
You cheated me!
I'll kill myself. 
But we must all die!
Jun, are you...?
I'll be killed like he was.
No, you won't be. 
On the contrary -
Tell me frankly.
You must've planned this from the beginning.
What an ass I've been.
You and Keiko decided to kill me, if things went wrong.
I'm really stupid.
I didn't realize that and talked foolishly about a new life.
Shut up!
I'm a fool and you're a fool.
Mother and son - two fools.
Mother...
Prepare to die! 
Consider it punishment for his murder.
Jun!
Jun, my dear.
Please thrust it gently.
Don't make me feel pain.
Do it quickly.
Gently.
It hurts!
You hurt me!
Die!
Die!
I'm dying!
I won't have to work any more.
No more hard work.
I'm glad.
Jun, my dear.
Go to prep school.
Go to college.
Take the postgraduate course.
Fifteen years.
You'll only have to stand it for 15 years.
Marry a girl.
A kind, decent girl.
How stupid! 
I pinched my finger in the car door.
I'm all wet. 
I need underwear, a shirt and jeans.
Jun!
I'll close the shop.
Where are the vegetables?
No time to get them.
You're lying. 
You had time to change your clothes.
Hurry! 
Pack your things.
This is new. 
You have a date with somebody?
I attacked my parents.
It must've been a battle.
I bet you got hurt, didn't you?
You must be hungry.
Why don't you answer me?
You were able to get your car back.
Sometimes it's good to fight them.
Your parents are pretending to be virtuous.
They're always arguing.
My mother and I call each other names.
I was the cause of your quarrel as usual, wasn't I?
Never mind. 
Forget it.
But they don't like me.
It's finished. 
Let's go.
Right now?
Yes. 
I have money.
I can't just leave. 
I have to cook something.
Ask them to go.
They're the speed demons.
I'll talk to them.
They're tougher than your parents.
They're real fighters, you know.
Sorry, folks, but we have to close shop now.
Damn it! 
What are you doing?
We're closing up now.
Like hell! 
We already ordered.
That's why I apologized.
We have to close up now.
Ass! 
We eat first!
We won't leave even after we eat.
What's the deal?
We've known each other, haven't we?
What happened?
I just want you all to leave.
Jun, if you're sick, tell them.
I don't have to. 
And I'm not sick.
Damn you! 
Don't act big!
You want us to bust up the place?
Tear it apart! 
Wreck everything!
I want to see that.
Don't, Jun!
Stop bullying him!
Destroy it!
Lousy shop!
You'll get a good salary.
Salary?
You mean I'll just be an employee?
A hired bartender?
You're wrong.
I'll cover all the initial losses. 
That's what I mean.
It's my goodwill toward you.
I plan to stop our old tire business.
Business is getting slow.
And I'm getting old and tired.
After your bar gets going, we'll open a restaurant.
My idea's pretty good, huh?
You won't succeed to my job.
Instead I'll learn from you.
You make it sound easy.
But I won't do it all my life.
A man should think that way.
I hate to flatter people.
So do I. You should always be honest about things.
Hey, Mr. Saiki.
Why do you call me that?
I'm talking to a business associate.
One thing, Mr. Saiki.
Don't fire me once you leave it to me.
Why say that?
You sometimes act like that.
Whenever I get hot on a thing you give me -
You mean your 8 mm. 
Camera and radio?
They interfered with your study.
You locked them in the safe.
I used to cry in front of it.
I can't hide a snack bar in the safe. 
It's too big.
Don't laugh, Mr. Saiki.
Forget the Mr. Thing, will you?
Draw a shape like a "sumo" ring.
Sumo ring?
Let's sumo wrestle.
Don't kid yourself.
Stop! 
This is ridiculous.
I thought we'd do well, because only poor people argue.
You'd better not think that way.
Are you hating me?
What?
I didn't let you go to college.
I forgot. 
That was four years ago.
A radical student was killed by members of the opposition.
I thought that kind of trouble would continue.
I was wrong.
That I'd be killed too?
I thought you'd be a killer.
Why?
I wasn't wounded in the war.
I was confident my son wouldn't be killed in college fights.
Damn your confidence!
Get angry, young bartender!
Are you that happy?
This lot will develop to a business headquarters.
It's like a gold mine.
Can't you understand?
No, I can't.
Tens of thousands of people will use this airport.
I can't understand.
I can't understand, so I want to be an onlooker.
You're strong.
Use that energy to run the bar.
Can I run a bar?
You'll soon get used to it.
You pigs! 
Don't ever come again!
Jun.
How are you? 
Do you feel dizzy?
A little.
How? 
Do you feel a pain?
My brain's crushed.
Don't exaggerate. 
It's only a nosebleed.
Don't fight like this again.
I can't, if I want to.
You were supposed to work for 6 months.
We're finished now.
Jun, what happened? 
What do you mean by "finished"?
Go and get packed. 
I'll pay your salary for 3 months.
I don't get it. 
Do you want to fire me?
I'll go with you. 
I've been kicked out.
You must have had a real fight.
What did they say?
Don't ask me.
I know. 
They said, "Get rid of Keiko, or out you go."
Think as you like.
You defended me and you were kicked out. 
Is that true?
I didn't know you liked me that much.
I'll deliver your things to your home.
Where are you going?
I haven't decided.
Want me to go see your folks?
What for?
To beg forgiveness. 
I'll say anything.
Forget it!
If we lose this bar, we won't be together.
I can't continue to work here.
If you command me to come with you, I guess I will.
Command?
Never mind. 
I was only supposed to work here for 6 months.
But I'll leave you after 3 months.
I see. 
You've been treating me lightly.
Am I wrong?
Would you regret giving me up, even a little?
I won't kiss you.
It'll make it too hard to leave you.
I'll pack your things.
We'll take a lot of baggage, like we're starting on a long journey.
Do people think we're running from our homes?
Shall we go somewhere on a trip?
I don't like the idea of a final trip.
I'd rather shake hands and say goodbye on a street.
And just walk away in different directions.
Shake hands?
Are you getting angry with me?
Because I don't cry and say I feel sad?
No, I'm not.
Of course I feel sad, but I'm pleased, too.
As if I ate a lot of what I like most.
Like what?
If I tell you, you'll scold me.
But I'll tell you frankly.
You know the first part of you I saw when I was little?
Can you guess? 
It was your larry.
It was skinny and white.
You had what I didn't.
Don't make up a story.
I'm not lying. 
I didn't tell you because I was ashamed.
I wanted to have it.
Shut up!
Why make such a face?
He won't come in. 
I turned off the lights.
What are you doing?
Don't be silly! 
We have to break up.
All right. 
But let's do it later.
You fool!
Saiki! 
Saiki! 
This is Miyata!
I forgot Mr. Miyata's wedding party.
I don't care!
Stop it! 
Don't do it!
What if they come in from the back?
We'll do it in front of them.
Jun!
What's wrong with you?
Do it in front of them?
You're crazy!
So what?
Mr. Saiki, we've brought the films.
What happened?
I heard voices.
We're here! 
Wait!
Don't talk!
Don't you like it that Mr. Miyata married his girl?
Why should I care?
Then why did you hurt me?
Shall we go around back?
I'll open the door.
What'll I do? 
Shall I send them away?
Good evening.
I feel we're intruders.
We were making love.
I was joking.
Saiki, are you sick or something?
We decided to close the place and go away.
Did you sell the shop?
So we're acting strangely.
We can't arrange for the party?
Didn't you tell him to come today?
I forgot. 
I'm sorry.
Let me introduce Hidaka to you.
He's Hidaka who'll host the party.
He's an 8th grader.
7th grader.
He's Saiki. 
He was my classmate.
I thought you were crying, but I was wrong.
Why should you think that?
The mood here makes me think so.
Will you leave, Mr. Miyata?
I understand. 
I'll come some other day.
I want to borrow the projector.
I forgot to bring it. 
Sorry.
You're acting irresponsible.
It's not like you.
It was your idea to screen it at the party.
We can get it from Saiki's mother.
Will you call her?
Isn't it all right?
He had a fight with his parents, so he can't...
That has nothing to do with this.
He was fool enough to fight with his parents.
And I'm fool enough to get married.
I want him to call his mother.
The world's full of surprises.
That's right.
Whatever condition I'm in, the world still rotates.
Miyata, Ikuko, congratulations.
I'm Jun Saiki. 
I'm speaking for your friends.
CRUCIFIXION Family-Imperialism
When we were in school, we produced this movie.
I was both writer and director.
When Japan was a little more interesting country, we were students called "high school kids."
There were troubles in many high schools.
There was trouble in our high school.
When it was over, a student died.
It was suicide.
Soon after that, we decided to make a movie starring his girl friend.
The girl was Miss Ishikawa, the bride here.
This is the bridegroom.
These funny people are our fathers, mothers, and teachers.
Back then, they were all our enemies.
Miyata and Ikuko became close during the shooting.
They entered a college in Tokyo.
And now they're married.
They ignored the theme of this picture.
And they decided to make their home together.
Congratulations!
By the way I...
By the way I...
Jun, come right in.
The tire dealer's son.
He lived next door.
I remember him. 
He was a serious student in junior high.
He's still very serious.
Drink this.
No, thanks.
You're operating a bar with Keiko, her daughter. 
Drink?
Isn't my daughter with you?
Tell me.
Did we have a fig tree?
A fig tree?
There wasn't any in this neighborhood.
By our backdoor.
That was an azalea. 
A really big azalea, too.
But someone dug it up and ran away.
What are you talking about?
Hello, Keiko. 
How are you?
Take this.
Thank you very much.
Where did you put my cardigan?
I don't know.
You should know. 
Where is it?
I said I don't know!
I don't like it!
Don't wear it without my permission. 
It's mine.
Let's go, Jun.
You must drink. 
It's a social custom.
You're the boss.
You don't have to listen to my mother.
You're well-matched.
You got angry because of them?
Don't get mad at me.
Don't follow me!
Don't come near me.
Why? 
Do you want to leave me?
You'd better go and don't come back to me.
I'll come.
I can't understand you.
Keiko! 
Keiko!
I killed my father and mother today.
So I won't see you again. 
I can't!
What? 
What did you say?
Jun, I can't hear you.
You'd better not hear me.
Don't be mean!
Release me!
If you've something to tell me, why don't you -?
Be careful! 
The boards are loose over there!
Stop it!
Jun, are you crazy?
I'm crazy. 
So I said not to come to me again.
Why are you acting like that?
Jun, wait! 
Wait!
I haven't enough rope.
And I need another sheet.
Jun.
I know you're here.
Where are you?
Jun.
You should be here.
Don't! 
Don't touch it!
I finished!
What? 
What did you say?
I'll carry them to the sea later.
To the sea?
I'll do it at dawn.
Damn it! 
Blood's all over.
Why did you do this awful -?
Shut up! 
You don't need to know!
Tell me why. 
Tell me!
Why did you come? 
I told you not to come.
Because there's no place for me to go, but here!
Wash yourself!
Fool! 
Why continue scrubbing?
I said, wash yourself!
You've got blood on your face.
Jun, don't! 
Water gets into my ear! 
No!
Look! 
The blood's gone.
I'm clean now.
It was simple.
I sunk them. 
I sunk both.
Just like that?
Did you expect a waterspout?
Nobody saw you. 
You're safe now.
Nothing happened. 
I wish something had happened.
Jun, drive carefully!
Are you afraid? 
Are you scared?
I believe I can wear a disguise.
I'll change my hairdo.
To an Afro.
I'll wear a couple of beauty spots.
How will you hide your deaf ear?
Easy. 
I'll tie my hair on the left side.
About the fig tree...
Oh, that fig tree!
Your mother said there wasn't any fig tree.
There wasn't?
That's odd. 
If there wasn't any, I wouldn't have been slapped.
I remember. 
I was thirsty.
I'd had a long swim.
May I eat some?
No! 
Don't tell my mamma.
I saw you! 
I saw you!
I wasn't on the beach.
Why not?
You've just been imagining it.
Did you know I lied?
When did you find out?
My dad hired a private detective.
Then do you know about the man?
My mother's lover, too?
Yeah. 
He raped you, didn't he?
You've known everything.
I didn't have to lie.
There's something you don't know.
The time he raped me wasn't the only time.
After the first time, I asked him to do it gently.
The more he did it, the more I liked it.
I was afraid. 
Since then I stopped -
Don't say any more!
My mamma hit me long after that.
When he quarreled with her, he spilled.
Stop!
Let me steal this.
She said the cause of her deafness was a fig, eh?
I don't think she was raped at all.
I wouldn't be surprised if she'd seduced the man.
Her drunken mother and her stud were doing it every night.
Keiko saw them and heard them.
She wanted a little service, too.
He was her mother's stud.
He was like her father.
She must've done something to lure him.
Jun!
Why do you do this to me?
Jun.
Do something. 
You won't be able to drive the car.
What are you thinking?
I'm too tired to think about anything.
Shall I get some drinks?
Or...
Or...
Or...
Shall we take a rest at a motel?
Leave me alone!
I don't like the way you say so.
Are you mad at what I said?
It's not the only reason.
Is there any other reason?
Oh, I see. 
That's the reason.
I now understand.
What do you understand?
Look! 
A man's surfing.
He's got on top of a wave.
What an ass! 
He fell.
Your father had a detective check up on my past.
So you fought him.
And your present.
Because of my past, you killed your father.
It was a trigger.
He's doing it better this time.
You're mean and dirty!
Do you think I'm responsible for this?
Do you want to accuse me?
Go away!
Do you want to strangle me?
Try! 
You'll find out I'm not so easy to kill.
Shut up!
Ouch! 
You hurt me!
Damn you! 
How mean!
You spoiled brat! 
Die alone!
Just crawl off and die!
Coward! 
You want to put blame on me?
You call yourself a man?
Damn you! 
You said before,
"There's a difference between to hate and to kill."
You said it so proudly.
Arrogant bastard!
Look at yourself!
Now you're all upset because I lied about the fig.
It's a false reason!
Don't include me!
Do you hear me? 
Say something!
In your movie, the man who killed his parents was crucified.
What'll you do to yourself?
If you don't accuse someone, you'll go mad.
It's god dam hot.
My dad used to peddle popsicles, ringing his bicycle bell.
I didn't know. 
Did he really sell popsicles?
It was the only job he could find.
He wanted to save up to make a business.
He even went without eating and drinking.
What a fool he was!
My mother took me by the hand.
We used to go and meet him.
We'd bring him his lunch.
Are you crying?
Fool! 
It's the sweat in my eyes.
You're crying.
Don't cry!
It's only sweat, god dammit!
I could've turned him down.
I wrestled with him before he built the shop.
I could've turned him down.
I shouldn't have owned anything.
But I had nothing. 
That made me feel lonely, so I...
I'll go to the bar.
What for?
I want to work there one more day, as if nothing had happened.
If you do, you'll be caught.
Do you want to be caught?
Never mind. 
They're just the riot squad.
They only kill demonstrators.
Next!
Where to?
I don't know.
We're going to our snack bar.
Your key, please.
I put the bodies in here.
You put what?
The corpses. 
There may be bloodstains.
Don't talk nonsense!
He's a little out of his mind.
I carried them!
You mean human bodies?
My father and mother.
Look, bud, we're busy.
Move on!
Wait! 
I really killed my parents.
He's out of his head.
It's the heat.
I killed my parents.
Are you going to leave me alone?
You're policemen, aren't you?
Looks like he's a little insane.
Can I kill my parents?
Do whatever you like.
I killed my parents!
Kill them if you want to.
We don't care.
Is the tank empty?
I guess so.
Let's push it to the shop.
I've got some gas there.
Let's brace ourselves.
Jun, what'll we do?
Didn't you plan to escape in this car?
I gave up.
Wait, Jun!
Yes, sir? 
What would you like?
Brandy? 
Whiskey?
You seem a little tired.
So, you'd better have absinth or vodka.
Or maybe gin would be better.
Here you are. 
Enjoy this.
You fool!
You're a fool!
Jun's head is empty.
His stomach is empty.
His groin is empty.
We like rock candy.
Candy is sweet.
Sweet as sugar.
Sugar is white.
White as a rabbit.
A rabbit leaps.
I'll take the car back.
You'd better rest here.
Jun!
Are you desperate?
So you talked to the idiot cops?
Jun, don't die alone!
I don't want you to!
Shut up!
No! 
No! 
No!
I can't kill myself with this.
It only hurts!
I'll die. 
I want to die with you, Jun.
I wish I'd decided to die, when I slept with you last night.
Stop it, Keiko! 
Don't!
Say you love me, Jun.
Please say it, Jun!
Go away!
Go away!
What are you going to do?
No! 
Don't! 
Stop, Jun!
Don't treat me like this!
Go away!
Jun, Jun, open the door!
I'll burn this place!
Shut up! 
I'll kill myself!
I'll burn this shop and kill myself.
Open the door!
Jun! 
What happened to you?
Jun! 
What are you doing?
Open the door!
Open the door!
Please open the door!
Jun, what are you doing?
I'm a coward, I have to do this to kill myself.
I'll do it!
I can't stand! 
It's too hot!
Go away!
Go away, you fool!
Don't die!
Did you say something?
We're going to run away.
We are, aren't we?
Yutaka Mizutani (as Jun)
Mieko Harada (as Keiko)
Etsuko Ichihara (as Mother)
Ryohei Uchida (as Father)
From the novel by Kenji Nakagami
Screenplay by Tsutomu Tamura
Photographed by Tatsuo Suzuki
Directed by Kazuhiko Hasegawa
THE END

With the death of Livia the last restraint on Tiberius was removed.
He handed the running of the Empire over to Sejanus and retired to Capri.
A reign of terror began.
No one was safe.
Oh.
Sejanus arrested Agrippina, her eldest son, Nero, and countless others besides
His ambition was limitless
He had divorced his wife...
Apicata.
..and become my sister's..
Livilla's.
..lover - hoping to marry her.
My mother remained curiously innocent of much that was going on, until one day, Apicata came to visit her.
Sejanus had taken their children with him and Apicata wanted them back.
She feared my sister would harm them once married to Sejanus
Now she demanded that my mother speak to my sister and enlist her help.
Will you speak to her?
. 
Ask her to persuade him to let me have them?
To her, they're a nuisance - they'll only come between him and her - but to me they are everything.
Everything.
Understand this.
Though my daughter lives in my house, we are not on friendly terms.
I despise her though she is my daughter and I'll ask no favour of her.
I despise that man who is her lover, and you too I despise for having married him knowing what he was.
And now you complain because he treats you as he treats others!
You disgust me, all of you!
You and people like you have made a sewer of Rome, fit only for rats to live in!
Honour, service, duty mean nothing any more.
Your children are everything?
What of Rome?
All you are you owe to Rome.
But you've destroyed it with goody ambition and petty selfishness.
Well. enjoy what you've made of it, but don't come crying to me!
I didn't come here to talk of Rome, but of my children.
Rome can sink. 
I want my children!
And if you won't help me freely,
I must tell you something, Lady, that may compel you.
I told you I knew much and more besides.
Well. here it is.
Your daughter's husband died no natural death.
Castor was murdered by your daughter.
Sejanus supplied the poison but she fed it to him.
That guilty pair are set upon a course that will lead them to a kingly crown - they want nothing less.
If I go to Tiberius with this story, what then becomes of your precious family name?
You're lying.
No.
What proof have you?
Slaves that will talk freely, or under torture, of things seen.
Why haven't you bean to the Emperor?
.
Sejanus has the sorting of his mail and the sifting of his visitors.
To get to Tiberius would cost me my life and that's my last resort.
He reads people's wills when they leave everything to him.
Not even Sejanus can prevent that.
And if need be, that's the course I'll follow.
Without my children, my life is nothing.
Think carefully, Mark Antony's daughter.
Guard your family name.
Let the lovers have their crown, what is that to us?
But get me back my children!
Well. she certainly l-l-loves her children.
Oh, you fool!
Is that all you can find to say?
.
What else do you w=want me to say?
.
- Do you believe her?
.
- N-n-no!
Not a word of it. 
She's demented.
Her mind's unhinged.
Livilla's done some pretty d-dreadful things in her time, but I can't believe she'd do that.
What dreadful things?
Oh, err, things.
She connived at the b-banishment of Postumus. 
Ah, well. you know.
No, I didn't know. 
How?
.
Why wasn't I told?
Well..
It was all a s-secret.
I'm the only one that knows.
I think L-Livia m-m-made her do it.
And why was it a secret from me and not from you?
It's a l-l-long story, Mother.
Well. what am I to do now?
.
We shall find someone else for you to marry.
Stop blubbering, child!
Do you think affairs of state take account of your plans?
(KNOCKING) What is it?
.
She's crying because she can't now marry Nero.
I've told her we shall find someone else.
Is that all you can think of - your own thwarted pleasures?
You'd better pray for his safety.
Leave us.
I want to talk to your mother.
She thinks of nothing but marriage.
And what do you think of?
.
What does that mean?
Is it true you intend to marry Aelius Sejanus?
- You've bean talking to someone.
- Is it true?
He's asked me to marry him, yes.
And I've accepted.
Why not?
. 
I'm tired of living alone.
- Do you live alone?
- You sea that I live alone.
I don't keep track of your comings and goings.
I am still a young woman, Mother.
Castor died nearly five years ago.
You can't expect me to live like a Vestal
I'm not talking of whose bed you climb in.
How you dispose of your body is your affair, but marriage is different.
Do I need to remind you whose child you are?
I am in love with him, Mother...
- and he with me.
- He's using you.
I don't wish to discuss it further!
You're living in a fool's paradise if you think Tiberius will agree.
If you marry him, what will happen to his children?
What do I care about his children?
Apicata would like them to live with her.
I sea.
You've bean talking to Apicata.
Yes. 
She wants you to persuade Sejanus to let her have them back.
He won't do that. 
He's fond of them.
Let her sea them again.
He's stopped her seeing them.
What's that to me?
!
I don't know.
Perhaps one day, it might be a great deal
I cannot allow you to marry Livilla.
I've read your letter carefully and given it a lot of thought, but I'm afraid the answer must be no.
May I know the reasons?
You're entitled to know them.
Such a marriage would compel me to raise you to an exalted rank.
- I've never looked for that.
- I know, but I'd have no choice.
Do you suppose that Livilla would be content to grow old as the wife of a man outside the Senate?
Well. you could ask her.
Her answer would be one thing before marriage and another after.
Her brother, Germanicus, and her father Drusus, my brother, both held the highest offices of state.
Don't you think a faction in Rome would demand the same for you?
I have always said I have no wish to rise above my present rank.
Some would say you have risen above them even without rank.
You sea, in envying you, they criticise me.
You say, on the one hand I have too many friends, and on the other, I have too many enemies.
- Is it untrue?
- I've made them in your service.
- Oh, I know that.
- I'm not complaining.
I know, but you're disappointed.
Let me put another proposal to you.
One that would excite less comment.
Since Nero's arrest, his betrothal to Livilla's daughter must be considered at an end.
Would you contemplate marriage with her?
.
- With Helen?
- Why not?
.
Such an alliance would be much more acceptable to me.
Well. think about it.
Now, who wishes to sea me?
Um... 
I have the list here.
I've marked the ones you should sea.
The rest are of no consequence.
Those you've marked I'll sea tomorrow.
The rest you can send away.
You can deal with them yourself.
- And Agrippina?
- I'll sea her now.
I take it you have no wish to sea Nero?
None.
Well. 
Thrasyllus, was I wise to deny him marriage with Livilla?
Thrasyllus?
Wise, Excellency.
And to offer him her daughter instead?
- He deserves it.
- He's my right hand.
Without him I'd be a drudge in Rome and the butt of everybody's hate.
As it is, let him be the drudge and him be the butt.
My dear...you look like a Greek tragedy.
And you look like a Roman farce.
Your tongue has cost you dear and will cost you dearer.
You pitiful worm-eaten old ruin!
It's not my tongue that costs me, but the love people have for me and my family.
And how you have used that love against me.
Against you?
Germanicus could have led the armies of the Rhine against you.
They proclaimed him Emperor, but he said Rome already had one. 
The fool!
Every word you say makes my task easier.
Don't pretend you aver found it hard to be vindictive. 
You always were.
Are you so senile that you're blind to your own interests?
I'm not blind to yours.
You're an old man and you'll die soon.
Who can succeed but one of the sons of Germanicus?
I've a grandson of my own - Livilla's boy.
Gemellus is a child.
Rome isn't Egypt. 
Children don't rule because their father ruled.
Rome must be governed by men.
I'll make my own arrangements!
You?
You think you'll make them, but he'll make them.
Sejanus - that black spider that sits on your shoulder squirting his poison in your ear.
You think you rule in Rome?
He rules in Rome!
And the moment the last of my boys is dead, you'll know he rules in Rome.
My dear, how pretty you look when you look angry.
It makes me surd to have to send you away.
But a queen must have a domain and I've chosen yours.
Do you know where I'm going to send you?
To the island of Panadoria, where Julia, your mother, spent so many years in exile.
You will inherit her kingdom.
That's only just.
Your greatest wish will be fulfilled.
You will be queen after all
As for Nero, I'm sending him to Ponza.
An island even smaller than yours.
You'll have to think how to govern these mighty empires.
If you're lonely, I could come and call on you.
Blood-soaked mud you've bean called and that's what you are.
(YELLS) Bring me a vine branch!
This queen needs flogging before she goes!
Gentlemen, if you leave your names with my secretary, all your requests will be considered. 
Excuse me.
Commander, did you mention my case to the Emperor?
.
It was discussed. 
His decision will be communicated to you.
- But you did promise...
- Excuse me.
Father, Father, you're back!
- I told you he'd be back today.
- You only guessed.
Well. 
I was right.
May we have dinner with you?
We've bean very good, haven't we?
We've done all our lessons.
Then you can have dinner with me.
Now go to your rooms.
I have work to do.
Father, why can't we sea Mother again?
I told you I didn't wish to discuss that again.
I'm displeased that you disobey me.
She came here while you were away.
The servants wouldn't let her in.
Father, please let her come and sea us?
Go to your rooms.
You have made me very angry.
Don't be angry.
We didn't mean to make you angry, did we, Junius?
Only we do miss her.
The Lady Livilla is here.
What a pretty girl you are, Arria.
Thank you.
Go to your rooms.
We'll meat again at dinner.
- Did you ask him?
- Yes.
What did he say?
.
He refused.
Refused? 
But why?
.
He said you were too exalted for me.
Well. in a way, you are.
But we must marry.
That's what we've planned, what we've waited for.
Did he give any other reason?
He said you wouldn't be content that I remain in my present rank.
He said it would foster dangerous jealousies.
Then you must try again later.
I don't think so.
I think we may have made a mistake in asking him.
- It may have made him suspicious.
- I have the right to marry again.
If he won't give his permission, we shall marry without it.
- That might be dangerous.
- What are we to do?
I want to be married.
You promised me marriage!
Have you changed your mind?
- No, of course not.
- Does it suit you as we are?
My darling, all that I have done I have done for one reason - that is to give us the right to be together.
And that old goat is not going to stop us.
- He did suggest something.
- Something?
He said...
He wasn't opposed in principle to a marriage link with his family.
He suggested a marriage with your daughter.
You bastard.
You bastard.
- I'll kill you! 
I'll kill you!
- Stop it!
- You filthy swine!
- Listen to me!
If that is one way we can be together, then why not?
.
You'd like that! 
To be in bed with mother and daughter!
You bastard! 
You filthy bastard!
(SEJANUS) Listen.
- Let's be practical 
- Don't touch me!
Helen means nothing to me!
But if Tiberius agrees, it solves our problem.
I will be linked with the Imperial family.
You'll live with us.
We'll be together.
- Will Helen agree?
- Helen will do as she's told.
- It will mean a break...
- A break?
Until the marriage. 
Then it'll be as though it never happened.
You'll service us both then?
Like a stallion?
Don't talk like that! 
I love you!
Don't spoil it.
Everything is going as we planned.
Agrippina and Nero have bean banished.
They won't return.
I'm having documents prepared to send Drusus the same way.
Tiberius will consent to his arrest.
That leaves Caligula to deal with.
Then Tiberius will have no one to turn to but me.
Now, let's be sensible.
We have waited a long time.
You know I am nothing without you.
Let me talk to Helen.
Let me persuade her.
Trust me. 
That's all I ask.
Once again, the Emperor writes from Capri demanding another arrest!
First it was the Lady Agrippina and her eldest son, Nero Caesar, and now it is her second son, Drusus Caesar.
No documents are produced for the Senate to investigate.
Only our "consent" is asked for.
Our signature.
Like that of some compliant wife.
Senators, my signature is not to be had for the asking.
I was brought up to read a document before I signed it.
You may do as you please.
Senators, I ask that the question be put for the arrest of Drusus Caesar.
- No!
- Aye!
(ALL) Aye!
Aye!
I must sea the Emperor!
Those letters were forged!
- Get in!
- They're not mine!
Please! 
Let me sea Sejanus, then!
Please let me out!
Please let me out!
If he keeps it up, quieten him.
Otherwise, don't open the door.
- How do we feed him?
- You don't.
Uncle Claudius!
Uncle Claudius!
C-Caligula. 
Where have you bean?
Staying at the house in Antium.
I took some friends down there.
We had a wonderful time.
Have you heard D-Drusus has bean arrested?
Yes, it's a great shame, isn't it?
.
Do you think they'll kill him?
Well. d-doesn't it worry you?
He's your brother.
I said it was a shame, didn't I?
Listen. 
Caligula.
I think you're in grave danger.
Who from?
- Who?
- Sshh!
Tiberius.
- Tiberius?
- Sshh!
No, I don't think so.
He's invited me to Capri.
T-to C-Capri?
Yes, to C-C-Capri. 
Yes.
- Are you going?
- Of course I am.
Everyone has such a marvellous time.
Do you believe the stories?
They say he has little girls running around the gardens like wood nymphs, naked.
- What are you going to say to him?
- What about?
.
About your mother and your t-t-two brothers.
- What can I say to him?
- Damn it, doesn't it bother you?
!
Yes, of course it does!
I shall have to watch my step.
Very unpredictable these days.
Listen, Cal..
Caligula, if you get the chance, you must s-speak up for them.
Of course I shall For Mother, anyway.
I couldn't give a damn about Drusus and Nero.
- But they're your brothers.
- Yes, I know.
But you don't like Aunt Livilla and she's your sister.
Now, I love my sisters, Uncle.
Yes, I know.
You know, you depress me unutterably s-sometimes. 
Goodbye.
On!
Your wife, the Lady Aelia, is here.
My w=w=wife? 
What does she w=want?
.
- How do I know?
. 
She's not my wife.
- Don't be so damned r-rude!
Anyway, show her in.
Claudius.
I heard you were in Rome.
Why didn't you come and sea me?
W-what for?
.
What for?
. 
Shouldn't a husband be seen with his wife?
Well. we're not exactly a husband and w=wife.
But I'll come and sea you if you like.
Don't flatter yourself.
It's to your advantage to be seen with me.
You're not every woman's ideal husband.
In fact you're not any woman's ideal husband.
Did you come here j-just to tell me this?
Oh, don't try and be clever with me.
I came here to sea your sister, and as you were here, I thought I'd let you know I was alive and well
Are you alive and well?
.
- I t-think so.
- You don't look either to me.
Well. it's bean a very trying time since I got here.
You know my sister-in-law's bean arrested?
Agrippina, yes.
That's bean coming for some time.
Thank your stars you're married to me.
That's brought you under my brother's protection.
So what are you doing in Rome?
Oh, I came up to use the P-Pollio Library.
I've just finished a history of Carthage.
Would you like a copy?
.
- Are you being funny?
.
- Ahem!
Oh, Mother.
Aelia has just called to sea us.
Well. 
I really came to sea Livilla.
I should have bean surprised if you'd came to sea my son.
He makes no effort to sea me either.
It's an arrangement that suits us both.
I'm sure it does.
I find life very strange today.
Those who are married live apart and those who aren't live together.
We should abolish marriage altogether.
Well. your ideas are too advanced for me.
Well. 
Livilla is waiting.
Excuse me.
What does she want with Livilla?
I don't know.
Perhaps Sejanus sent her to find out how Helen was.
Am I to understand that man is now paying court to my granddaughter?
.
He's had meetings with her.
He's not seeing Livilla.
What is wrong with Helen?
The doctors don't know.
Well. perhaps it's just one of those women's complaints.
Don't be so ridiculous.
What do you know of women's complaints?
The girl's bean in bed for a weak!
I want you to give him this.
No one must sea it, and tell him to destroy it when he's read it.
How is Helen? 
Is she improving?
What is wrong with her?
.
He's very anxious about her.
He'd do better to be anxious about me.
My dear, his feelings for you are unchanged, you must know that.
His marriage to Helen is one of convenience.
But he promised to marry me.
Do you think I'm going to watch him marry my daughter?
.
- But if Tiberius...
- Oh, Tiberius! 
Tiberius!
Tiberius won't live for aver!
Your brother belongs to me!
Tell him not to forget that!
He hasn't forgotten it.
He loves you.
He manages well enough without seeing me.
Men are different.
It's driving me to despair!
I can't bear this separation.
But it's only for a little while.
And for appearances' sake.
Ah, Atticus, how's it coming?
Ah, my dear sir, so well So well!
We've already completed twelve copies.
It's going to be a wonderful edition.
Look at this lettering.
- Have you aver seen the like?
- It's very good.
I don't like this decoration.
It's too ornate.
This decoration is fashionable.
And for a history of Carthage, what could be more apt than elephants?
I didn't ask for elephants.
Yes, I know you didn't ask for elephants, but knowing your good taste, I thought you'd agree.
Well. 
I don't!
This is a serious work.
Just because I mention elephants, why do we have to sea them?
- It's a motif.
- It's a d-damned s-silly motif!
I mention Hannibal's mistresses.
I suppose you've drawn concubines all over it too!
- If you don't like elephants...
- No, I don't.
Very well No more elephants.
Elephants are out.
Our esteemed client disapproves of elephants, even your elephants, which, I may say, are exquisitely drawn.
But if a client does not like elephants, we shall force no elephants upon him.
You will re-work the entire edition.
The copies won't be ready in time.
Well. 
I need one copy today.
Very well I'll take one with elephants.
- Are you quite sure?
- I'm quite sure! 
Just g-get it!
Ah, my dear Asinius Gallus, what a pleasure to sea you.
One History of Carthage with elephants.
Your work is on time.
Copies will be ready in seven days.
Good. 
Claudius, what's this about a History of Carthage?
I'm having one copied. 
Without elephants.
I'll send you a copy.
Did you read my essay on Pollio and Cicero?
Yes. 
I didn't quite agree with it.
Ah. 
Well. walk with me to the Senate and tell me why not.
- Goodbye, Atticus.
- Goodbye.
You will erase all trace of elephants, leaving only the bar text.
What a feast for his readers!
Gallus, I heard P-Pollio speak many times.
He was a great orator, but no comparison with Cicero.
Cicero's speeches were pompous and he thought far too much of himself.
They must have sounded worse than they read.
Asinius Gallus?
Lucius Asinius Gallus.
I've a warrant signed by the Emperor for your arrest.
My arrest?
. 
On what grounds?
Inciting enmity between the Emperor and the commander of his guard.
- Is this a joke?
- No joke.
Better hurry with your history, Claudius.
There'll soon be no one left to read it.
- Sign it.
- What is it?
.
- A confession.
- To what?
.
Your conspiracy with Drusus to subvert the armies of the Rhine.
- Huh!
- Sign it.
You wrote it, you sign it.
Sign it. 
You will before we've finished with you.
I'll sign nothing for you to produce after I'm dead.
Bring me to trial or murder me.
I have no need of a trial to prove your guilt.
A song sung by every small-town corrupt policeman, which is what you are and what you should have stayed.
I've watched your career with fascination.
It's bean a revelation to me.
I never fully realised before how a small mind, allied to unlimited ambition, and without scruple can destroy a country full of clever men.
I've seen how frail a civilisation is before the onslaught of a gust of really bad breath!
Yes.
But I suppose you're not really the destroyer.
We must look elsewhere for that.
You're merely the putrefaction that spreads after death - the outward and visible sign of its presence.
You're a lesson in history to me, Sejanus.
Proving that above all..
mankind...needs...its sense...of...smell
Bring him round and we'll start again.
They've arrested Asinius Gallus on the steps of the Senate.
- Read this.
- I was there.
- Read it!
- Why?
. 
What is it?
. 
What are they?
.
I don't understand.
It's Livilla's writing.
Read them!
What...?
They poisoned Castor. 
Both of them.
Apicata was right.
With his help, my daughter murdered her husband.
She reminds him of it there!
Now she urges him to waste no more time but assassinate Tiberius.
It'll be easy, she says, every Guard owes allegiance to him.
- B-but what are these?
- Isn't it obvious?
Drafts of the letter she wrote him.
I sea how difficult it would be to write.
How she crawls and grovels to him!
But how did y-you find them?
A slave was clearing out her room - taking it all to the furnace.
Perfectly good paper, most of it, hardly written on.
Oh, I thank the gods for my habits of thrift.
Oh, he's wicked, but she's worse.
She is monstrous, monstrous!
And I gave her birth.
- She's poisoning Helen.
- Oh, Mother!
She's poisoning her, I tell you.
Slowly, bit by bit, she is poisoning her.
She's obsessed. 
She will stop at nothing to get him.
Oh, Mother. 
What shall we do?
Tiberius must be told.
D-do you want people to know that your own daughter...?
And nobody seas Tiberius or writes to him except through Sejanus.
What's that thing you're writing?
Thing?
You mean my History of Carthage?
- Yes. 
Is it finished?
- Yes. 
I was having it copied.
I just brought one copy home.
W-would you like to read it?
.
No. 
I'll tell you what you must do.
You must go to Sejanus and ask permission to visit Tiberius.
Tell him you want to ask Tiberius' consent to dedicate the work to him.
Sejanus has nothing but contempt for you. 
He'll suspect nothing.
Thank you.
Those papers must be pasted in a scroll with a letter of mine, and you will tell Tiberius to open that one first.
I suppose I could, but I didn't want to give him this copy.
It's got elephants drawn all over it.
You are the biggest fool any mother aver had.
Nobody will read your stupid history, and certainly not Tiberius!
The only way you'd get him to read it is if you drew naked women on it!
What?
. 
Uncle Claudius!
- Why...?
- Sshh!
Get out!
Rescue you?
You're a pigeon!
How important do you think you are?
VIP.
"Very Important Pigeon."
Ugh. 
Very impudent pigeon.
Who is your contact in the Resistance?
Oh, no.
Speak!
This canary will never sing.
Listen to your mother.
You can't go.
Mum, there's a war going on, and I want to do my bit.
- Why? 
Why? 
Why?
Oh, Mum.
Goodbye.
Those falcons are going to tear you apart.
Mum!
My dear little baby.
Mother, that's not helping.
[Screaming]
Mother! 
Honestly, I'm going to be fine.
You were such a cute little egg.
Oh, Mum.
I'm not an egg anymore.
It's time I left the nest.
[Whimpering] No one thinks I can do this, and it may be my only chance to show them and myself that they're wrong.
Well, at least have some breakfast before you go.
[Gulping]
Oh, Mum. 
Mum. 
Ugh.
No, thanks.
Oh, Valiant.
Right, then.
I love you. 
Goodbye.
You'll always be an egg to me.
Ahoy there, Valiant.
I'm off now, Felix.
Wish me luck.
Good luck!
Goodbye!
That boy's gonna get creamed.
Valiant Pigeon, fearless flyer.
[Laughing]
Pride of the Allied forces.
Feared by the enemy, loved by the ladies.
Ha-ha! 
Humble.
[Whooping]
Spits danger smack in the eye.
Oh!
Whoo-whee!
Ha-ha!
Look at that. 
It's London!
Whoo-hoo!
All right, listen,listen up.
This is easy, I mean for intelligent guys like you.
All you got to do, keep your eyes on the pebble here.
She's shy. 
Give her a chance, she will give you the slip.
Find her, and the crumbs is yours.
Easy as pie. 
I don't know how I stay in business.
There it is, under that one.
Where is it now?
[Humming] Find her and the crumbs is yours.
Which one is it under?
That one.
That one?
Oh, no. 
Bad luck again.
Gonna give it one more go?
Law of averages.
I think you're gonna win this time.
[Laughing]
Tell us, then, which one has the pebble?
Well, in all the excitement, I forgot myself.
What do you gents say to a game of, uh, football?
You big cheat!
Give me my crumbs back.
On the level.
I know what you're thinking.
Come and get me, falcons.
[Whooping]
Oh!
Strike me down if I tell a lie.
[Valiant] Whoa!
Oh.
[Groaning]
[Chuckling] Look.
That was lucky.
Prayers were answered.
That's never worked before.
Hello, mate!
I lost control.
You could not have picked a better time.
Beg your pardon.
Bugsy's the name.
I'm terribly sorry I'm Valiant.
So, what brings you to my manor?
Oh, I... 
Well, I've come to be an aviator.
With the Royal Homing Pigeon Service.
Fighting for king and country.
You don't say?
I've never been a hope-and-glory bird myself.
I'm rather partial to something called "freedom."
Yeah, I flit about as I please.
No one telling me what to do or when to do it.
Are they...
Are those flies?
Oh,them. [laughing] They're friends of mine.
[Coughing and groaning]
So, RHPS is recruiting?
Good idea. 
Right this way, mate.
I'm feeling rather patriotic myself all of a sudden.
There he is!
Come on. 
After him!
He's here somewhere.
I can smell him.
Follow my lead, mate.
Hello. 
Two to enlist, please.
Valiant Pigeon, reporting for duty, sir.
Never heard of you.
Valiant Pigeon, yeah.
The Valiant Pigeon.
You don't have Valiant on your list?
No.
Whoo-hoo-hoo.
Clerical error.
Should I have?
Yes, I think you should have.
Look at him.
He's a perfect specimen.
Do something.
He's fast as lightning, strong as an ox.
Very tall for his height.
Stand up there. 
Sit down.
Yeah... 
Oh, the bird's a legend in the Struppen... and Barkley Huntshire area.
Too small.
You should be "yea high", and you're not even "hey high."
Charming,That's charming, that is.
And you!
[sniffing] Phooey!
Have you by any chance heard of a birdbath?
Sad truth is,
I've got me a rare feather condition, yeah.
Can't go near a bath.
I look at a bath, and it makes me itch.
Clear off, the pair of you.
Get lost.
Wing Commander Gutsy, he...
Yes. 
Wing Commander Gutsy.
That's right. 
Valiant's best mate.
They went to school together.
You don't want to get on the wrong side of him.
If he hears about this, you are gonna lose those stripes, mate.
You know Wing Commander Gutsy, you say?
Well, uh, yeah.
Well, that makes a difference.
Sign here. 
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, sir.
There he is.
You dirty rat!
[Squawking] When I get hold of you,
I'm gonna knock your beak off.
That's it.
Pigeons only.
Get your hands off me!
I'm gonna get you. 
Go on.
[Bugsy] Where do I sign up?
Just sign here.
Oh!
All right, in you go.
[Valiant] Thank you, sir.
[Whooping] Who is this Gutsy?
If I see your ugly face around here, I'm gonna have you... [groaning]
We made it.
Safe and sound.
We're in the Royal Homing Pigeon Service!
The elite of the elite.
Fighting the heroic battle to save...
To save our tail feathers.
Which worked like a charm.
Even though I say so myself.
So With that, I'll be hitting the skyway.
Cheers, mate. 
Good luck.
God bless. 
If you make it back in one piece, be sure to, uh, look me up...
Hello? 
Hello?
[Chuckling]
Gents? 
Hello.
Hello?
[Gasping] No! 
There's been a terrible mistake!
Trust me. 
This is all gonna work out brilliantly.
Hey! 
Come on. 
Come back.
[Whistling]
[Squawking]
I've been Shanghaied!
[Military march plays]
Ah! 
Oh! 
Ah!
[Muttering] Sorry.
Oh!
[Valiant] Excuse me.
Beg your pardon.
That's a bit bright.
[Groaning] [Gasping]
Wow. [Laughter]
[Laughing]
Whoa.Oh! 
[groaning]
Sorry about that, mate.
Didn't mean to hurt you, little fella.
Hey! 
Little fella?
It's not the size of your wingspan. 
No.
It's the size of your spirit.
If you say so, mate.
Can't argue with that.
Well, I'm Tailfeather.
This is Toughwood, my brother.
Hi, yes?
Not the sharpest beak on the block.
[Laughing] He's not the sharpest beak...
What?
But if you're ever in a scrum, there's no better bird to have on your team.
Yeah, absolutely.
Nice to meet you. 
I'm Valiant.
Valiant. 
It's good to meet you.
Let's go.
It's two for the Tailfeather.
Tailfeather takes it on.
Ooh.
[Both grunting]
[Chuckling]
Oh, dear. [sniffing] Ew.
For a quote, elite unit, unquote, they seem to be letting in anything with wings.
Including those flies circling your bottom.
Oi, who do you think you are?
I am Lofty Thaddeus Worthington Pigeon,
I come from a long and honorable line of warrior pigeons.
Well, now, lads.
I trust you've had a pleasant journey.
[Lofty] Well...
I think I speak for all of us when I say the ride was a bit bumpy on the way in.
Maybe check the suspension on that motorbike.
[Valiant] And actually, we're all a bit thirsty.
If we could have some drinks, that would be nice.
Yup.
[Muttering]
Oh, of course.
That can certainly be arranged.
Right after I sprout feet feathers and turn into a flamingo!
Now, fall in, featherbrains.
Fall... in!
I thought I'd seen it all.
For the next six weeks, your tails belong to me.
You'll learn to march like birds, fly like birds, and fight like birds.
I will make birds of you turkeys, even if it kills you.
Except you.
You won't last a week.
Permission to die trying, sir.
Hmpf. 
It's like this, ladies.
You will shape up,and you will shape up fast, or I will personally drum you out of the corps!
Funny you should...
I would love to get drummed out.
I was gonna bring it up if you hadn't, so...
Leave him alone. 
He helped me to...
Pipe down, pipsqueak!
I'm more interested in having you all drop and give me 50!
Courtesy of your short little friend here.
[Groaning]
[Grunting]
Training at last.
[Lofty] I say, old bean, wouldn't it be more sporting if the chap who actually committed the infraction... 
Ooh!
Gentlemen, welcome to the Royal Homing Pigeon Service.
[Growling]
For the last time,what was your mission?
And where are these messages coming from?
Ha!
Very well.
Have it your way.
[Laughing]
You want us to pluck out his feathers?
And to clip his wings?
Hurt his feelings?
[Laughing] [Von Talon] No, no, no.
Worse. 
Much worse.
We have ways of making you squawk.
[Gasping] [Music playing]
[Yodeling]
What kind of birds are you?
[Yodeling continues]
[Screaming]
Must resist yodeling.
[shouting]
(Rule, Britannia
Britannia rules the waves)
One, two, one, two.
And halt.
Now fall out and report to the nursing dock.
[Gasping] Nurses!
Whoa, look at her.
Hello, nurse.
Well, I've been waiting for you.
Do you have something for a brave pigeon about to go into battle? 
Eh, darling?
It just so happens I do have something for you.
Oh, did you hear that?
[Whooping]
Is this what you had in mind?
[Gasping]
Ooh, it's awfully big.
[Giggling]
You're kind of short for a nursing dove.
Look who's talking.
I'd say you're kind of short for a carrier pigeon.
I'm Valiant, by the way.
All right, then, Valiant.
I'm Victoria.Ooh.
I know you lads have had a tiring day.
What you need is a nice,relaxing shower.
[Screaming]
[Screaming, groaning]
[Laughing]
Then I'll treat you to a fancy dinner.
[Sneezing]
Mmm.
[Belches]
We'll get you a feather cut.
[Gasping]
Set you up with some uniforms.
Oh, beg your pardon.
Did that hurt? 
Did that hurt?
That's it.
Ah!
[Growling]
[Muttering]
Then we'll all turn in for a good night's sleep.
[Gasping]
Ew.
So this is where the smelly, rotten bits of disgusting refuse are dumped.
And our sleeping quarters would be where?
[Tailfeather] I'll never sleep in here.
[Whistling]
Oh, ho.
Well, this isn't so bad. 
Oh!
Oh, just like home.
[Shouting]
[Groaning]
I've had enough.
[Gasping]
Speak!
Lieutenant Mercury, Royal Homing Pigeon Service, 4-1-2-1-4-4-4-4-4-4-6-9-7.
Oh. 
Bring me the truth serum.
Coming up. 
Right away.
[Laughing] Come on, come on, come on.
One shot of this, and we will know everything.
I'll never talk.
Never! 
Never!
[Snoring]
[Bugsy snores] [Flies wheeze]
Wakey, wakey!
You birdbrains are Squad F.
You know what that means?
Squad fantastic?
Squad formidable?
No.
Philosophical?
No!
It means you are the flyers...
[whooping] ...of the future.
[Whooping, grunting]
The far future.
But my job, somehow, is to make you the carrier pigeons of today.
Ooh. 
Ha, ha, ha.
[Groans]
Good maneuver.
It might help if you kept your eyes open.
Better get you back to your nursing dove.
Thanks, Bugsy.
You must really like it here, because this is the third time this week you've been to see me.
I wish you'd be more careful.
Don't you worry.
Where I come from, danger is our business. 
Oh, yeah.
We spit danger in the eye.
If they can dish it out, well, I can take it.
And where do you come from?
West Nestington.
That's near Nestington.
It's, um...
It's to the west of it, actually.
[Giggling]
Oh, Valiant.
Well, I have to return to my duties, so...
Goodbye.
Valiant, wait.
[Screaming]
[Groans]
As homing pigeons, it's our duty to transport messages in the worst of conditions:
Wind, rain, sleet, snow.
Bombs exploding, bullets flying.
As if that weren't enough, Mother Nature has the audacity to create a little something called the falcon.
[Gasping]
Twenty pounds of pigeon-eating muscle, measuring five of your wingspans.
They like to blindside their prey at speeds in excess of 200 miles per hour.
But not to bite, not yet.
The first strike is merely for impact.
They'll let you drop a bit, making sure you're defenseless, then scoop you up in their razor-sharp talons.
[Grunts]
And in the dark of the night, you'll have but a split second to recognize friend from foe.
Friend or foe?
Foe!
No, you idiots. 
It's a pigeon.
Friend or foe?
Foe. 
No, friend.
Friend, or maybe...
No! 
It's a foe.
[Bugsy] Ah, yes, yes.
Friend or foe?
Friend, friend.
Oh, yes, my friend.
[Laughter]
Ninety-nine, one hundred.
[Groaning] One hundred and one.
[Grunting] One hundred and two.
[Grunting]
To survive his mission, a pigeon must have the strength to carry his message capsule.
He must have the speed to fly like the wind.
[Screaming]
[Whooping]
Evasive action.
He must have the agility...
Circle.
...to outmaneuver the enemy.
Figure eight.
[Sighing]
And he must have the endurance to battle the elements, flying long distances over raging seas.
Whoa!
[Humming] [Clearing throat] Me again.
Valiant.
Oh! 
Oh, my favorite.
How did you know?
Mmm.
The parrot says, "How about we do a loop the loop?"
I said, "I can't do a loop the loop."
[Laughing]
He says, "Why ever not?
I say, "Why, I'm afraid of heights."
He says, "You?
Afraid of heights? 
That's ridiculous." [Growling]
"Maybe to you, mate, but not to me." [Snoring]
[Mercury laughing]
That's it, that's it.
Come on. 
Go on.
Afternoon, Monty.
Hello, Guts. 
What news?
Not good, I'm afraid.
We just lost Squadron E over Belgium.
[Sighs]
That means these new recruits are our only chance.
Whoa!
They'll have to leave tomorrow.
You can't be serious.
They haven't even finished their training.
Attack formation accomplished, sir.
[Cheering]
Yes! 
Whoa... [screaming] [Thud]
Ooh.
[Groaning]
Sorry, but those are the orders.
Have them ready at 1800 tomorrow, Monty, old boy.
Cheers.
Commander Gutsy's here, so...
So... 
I suppose you'll be shipping out soon.
I know, I know.I can't wait.
This is the moment I've been waiting for.
Well...
I'd like to be part of what you come home to.
I don't care if you're a hero.
Just concentrate on the getting back.
[Sighing]
Ow!
You need to understand something, lads.
Our losses have been heavy.
Catastrophic.
You're all we've got.
And so, today,we fight for our country.
Tomorrow our feathers may be plucked from our lifeless bodies, our innards spread like jam on toast and our bones fed to rabid weasels.
But never mind that.
On this day, in this place, let it forever be known that you pigeons did your part in the heroic battle for...
S... 
Seeds!
Freedom! 
Right.
You will be Commander Gutsy's support wing.
[Gasping] I expect you to do whatever it takes to ensure the success of his mission.
Chaps, the message we have been sent to carry is of the almost importance.
The outcome of the war could well depend on it.
We pigeons have never been entrusted with a more critical or dangerous mission.
May you fly straight, and may your instinct guide you home.
What did Gutsy mean by "highly dangerous"?
I don't know, but I can tell you this.
I am a bird of principle.
[Slurping]
And my number one principle is, don't get involved with anything called "highly dangerous."
[Slurping]
And I will never violate my core beliefs.
Do not ask me to violate my core beliefs.
You're talking to the wrong pigeon.
[Belches]
Sir, point of clarification, please.
Regarding the dangerous mission.
I've got a doctor's note.
Zip it, stinky.
Yeah, sure, I understand.
And I truly regret that I have but one life to give for my country.
I'd love to die. 
Love to die.
Can't. 
Not Sunday. 
Bad for me.
Are you finished?
Not quite. 
Listen, maybe I'm not that conscientious, but I do object.
Get back to the barracks!
Now!
Do I still have to go on the dangerous mission?
Now!
Yep.
take that as a, "Yes, I do." Now!
Hey? 
Hey!
Where are you going?
Shh. 
Keep it down, mate.
I got some serious flying ahead.
Flying?
What do you mean?
Flying to where?
Back to old Trafalgar Square.
You're not leaving.
You'll break up the team.
Team? 
I'm not a team player.
Old Bug Buster plays solo.
Bigger question is why are you staying?
Why am I stay...
Because it's my duty. 
It's our duty.
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Hold on. 
Sorry.
Have I missed something?
Did we start this? 
No.
Did we make those?
Or those?
I've seen them fall, mate, and it's not a pretty sight.
The truth is I'm scared, all right?
Don't tell them that, cause I'll deny it.
Well, I'm scared too.
What in come with me, yeah?
Trafalgar Square'll be ours.
Come on.
We didn't make Trafalgar Square either.
Where do we go when they start dropping bombs there?
No, no, I'm staying.
I'm doing my bit.
Yeah. 
They're lucky to have you, mate.
Anyway, keep your wings dry, yeah?
[Banging]Ow! 
Ow!
Ow! 
Ow!
What's happening?
Shh.What's going on?
It's time for me to fly the coop, all right?
So... 
I guess this is... farewell.
All right?
Where are you going?
You can't just leave, Bugsy.
[Sighing] Look...
I've got urgent business to take care of, and...
Look, I'd better catch the wind while it's blowing. 
All right?
Look me up when you get back, yeah?
You know where I'll be.
Gentlemen, take your places.
Our mission is to be dropped behind enemy lines in occupied France, to make contact with the French Resistance to get a vital top-secret message and bring it back here by sundown tomorrow. 
Good luck.
The fate of the freedom-loving world depends on us.
[Whistling]
Oi!
Hey, hey, hey, Bugsy!
You can't go without me.
I couldn't let you get all the glory.
Good luck, lads.
Hey, Bugsy.
Thanks for coming back.
Ah. 
I'll tell you the truth.
It's the first worth while thing I've ever done.
We're gonna be fine.
Right, Lofty?
Ah, yes, I...
[groaning]
Indubitably. 
Birds of a feather and all that. 
What?
Ha-ha.
Right, Lofty, old mate.
We stick together.
Hey, Tailfeather, can you believe we're the ones they picked to send on the most important mission in World War II?
Yeah!
Me too!
[Laughing]
Truthfully, I'm not a good singer anyway.
Always off-key. [laughing]
Enough already!
You've been jabbering for days.
Who gave me the serum?
You want me to talk?
OK, I'm talking.
I'm glad you did this.
Homing pigeon racket is all well and good, but it's a stiff upper beak rubbish all the time.
I've got feelings.
I want to express them.
Like, I always used to think my favorite color was blue, cause it's for boys...
[growling]
Shut up!
Shut up!
[Groaning]
I demand better treatment.
The mice don't treat me like this.
Those Resistance chappies, with their fabulous view over the harbor.
The last time I was in the attic in St. Pierre...
St. Pierre?
All the truth serum is genius.
Cover his cage.
I'm curious.
What is your favorite color?
Pink!
Not like a hot pink or a pastely pink.
Just a kind of... pink pink.
You know what I mean.
None of the rinky-dink pinks.
[Squealing] Uh, excuse me?
[Embarrassed chuckle] I like pink too.
[Flak exploding]
Come on. 
Chin up, Valiant.
Stiff upper beak.
Gentlemen, get ready to drop.
Are you ready to drop?
Oh...
I think I've dropped already.
It's OK to be scared, fellows.
I'd be worried if you weren't.
It won't get better, but you'll get used to it.
[Whimpering]
Go, go, go!
[Screaming]
Oh, my!
It's jammed!
Oh...
Sir, let me help you.
No. 
Go now!
That's an order!
Yes, sir.
[Explosion]
Come on, Gutsy.Get out of there.
Oh, come on.
[Explosion]
Hello? 
Hello?
A little help, chaps?
Hold on.
We'll get you out now.
Cheers.
A bit of a tenuous landing, that, but I daresay it could've been worse.
Look out.
Oh, my.
Sorry, Lofty.
Not to worry, old chap.
Hmpf. 
I say.
Bit of a muddle, this.
[Chuckling] But at least we're all in one piece.
Not quite all.
Where's Gutsy?
He was still in the plane.
What do you mean he was still in the plane?
His cage got stuck.
I... 
I don't think he got out.
Ah.that's it.
We're dead. 
We're finished.
It's been a good run.
Nice knowing you.
You're quite mistaken.
I'm sure he made it out.
Gutsy always makes it out.
He's going to come and find us and give us the plans for the mission.
[Explosions]
Then, who has the back up plan?
You want the backup plan?
Um, we die.
That's the backup plan.
But I'm not ready to die.
Am I? 
No one's asked me.
So many books to read.
Regrets. 
Why? 
Why?
That's it. 
We're all dead.
Everyone, be quiet. 
Quiet!
We need a plan.
The plan is is to find a safe location to plan the next move.
You heard the bird.
So, our plan is to, uh make a plan.
[Sighing] Come on.
France is spooky.
Vive la France!
Shh. 
Quiet.
Did you hear that?
There's someone in there.
Somebody better go and have a look.
All right. 
I'll go.
[Screaming]
All right, you turkeys, let's go.
Valiant, just pull yourself together.
There's nothing in here.
Unless you're counting guns, bombs,
All the falcon. 
Pigeon-eating falcons.
Pigeon-eating falcons?
Oh.
[Screaming]
Oh! 
Ooof.
Let's get you out of the grail.
Thattaboy.
Come on. 
Here we go.
Thanks, guys.
Vive la France!
[Pigeons whimpering]
Pardonez-moi, my pigeon friends.
You are the RHPS, no?
Um, yes, sir.
French Resistance, Mouse Division.
Oh. 
Well, am I glad to see you, I'll tell you.
How did you find us?
Well, there was the plane and the explosion.
And the screaming and the pleading.
Um...
More screaming, the begging, the crying, the whining, whinging, yelling, boohooing.
[Clearing throat] Enough about that.
Definitely. 
Yep.
Uh, allow me to introduce myself.
I am Charles De Girl.
[Laughing] De Girl?
Why do they call you De Girl?
Because I am a girl.
The one and only girl.
[Whistling]
Oh, oh, oh, I like France.
Do you speak French?
Well, um, mais oui.
Does ooh, la, la mean anything to you?
Or va-va-voom?
Oh, yeah.
Does bonjour...
All right.
Look, we don't have time for this.
You have a message, we have a mission.
Let's get on with it.
Not so fast, monsieur.
This is Rollo.
He is an expert in sab... [whispering] Sabotage.
Sabotage!
[All shouting]
[Laughing]
Rollo, not now!
No! 
Down! 
Rollo, stop!
[Breathing heavily]
Pardon.
Now, monsieur, before you continue on your mission, it is our national custom to...
Break the bread?
And cut the cheese.
Thank you, but we just don't have time to eat.
And anyway, we're birds.
We don't eat cheese.
[Coughing] We don't?
About that message?
We will take you to it.
But the road is dangerous and guarded by the enemy falcon.
[Coughing and gasping]
But this cannot be a problem for highly-trained pigeons.
That is why you are Squad A, oui?
[Coughing] The thing is, you see...
Squad B?
Not Squad B.
Squad C?
[Pigeons chuckling]
So then you are Squad D.
[Laughing] Just between us,
Squad D was never really all it was cracked up to be.
I will not lie to you.
You will definitely be eaten by the falcons.
[Bugsy belches] Wow.
That was some fine fromage.
Can you burp on cue?
Yeah.
I can burp on all the letters, not just Q.
Watch this. [burps] A.
[Burps] B. [burps] C.
Shh. 
Be silent.
The falcons.
[Loud belch] Oh.
Oh! 
I say.
[Clearing throat] Excuse me.
[Sighing]
[Sniffing]
[Sniffing] Mmm.
Come on.
[Gasping] Falcons.
All clear.
Wow.
[Gasping] Stop that!
Oh, Squad F!
We are here. 
This is invigorating.
The attic. 
There it is.
Fly, English pigeons, fly.
[Passes gas] Oh! 
Oh, dear.
Sorry, love.
Dirty bird.
Lofty Pigeon, at your service.
Hold on, mademoiselle.
Oi,he's heavy, this one.
There they are.
[Screaming] Faster!
Yes! 
Sabotage!
[Cackling]
[Screaming]
To the right!
Over there.
I am going to get you!
[Growling]
Aha!
Whoo!
[Screaming]
Hold on, my dear.
[Moaning]
This is it.
I must do the secret knock.
Who is it?
De Girl.
We must do the secret password.
Jacques, there is no time!
Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any?
Oh... 
Wine?
No, no, no.
That is yesterday's password.
Cheese?
No!
Seeds? 
Petunias?
Falcons! 
Jacques, just let us in.
[Screaming]
[Groaning]
Let me give you le message.
You can give me le massage.
Can we make sure it's a full-body massage?
Message.
The message that is to go to London.
Our freedom depends on it.
[Banging]
[Banging] [Falcons shouting]
And, uh, who will carry it, then?
You.
Wait. 
I'll take it.
Bugsy?
Extraordinary.
You said you weren't a team player?
We'll see, won't we?
Good luck, Bugsy.
May you fly straight.
And let our instincts guide us home.
[Fingers snap]
Pardon.
Goodbye and good luck, pigeons.
OK. 
Oh, farewell.
Mmmm...
Absolutely charmed.
[Shouting]
Just, uh, one tiny thing.
How are we gonna get out of here?
We're trapped!
Oh, oh.
Oh, I've had an idea.
I've had an idea!
[Growling] Where are they?
Whoa!
[Cackling]
Let's go.
Hey, it worked like a charm.
They'll be teaching that one at the academy.
I hope the others are OK.
Don't count on it.
[Screaming] Shh.
Evasive action.
Let's go.
[Screaming] Get your claws off of him.
Ow!
I said let go!
I'm the one you want.
Oh, oh... 
Yee-ha!
You can do better than that, you English pigeon.
[Screaming] Bugsy!
Bugsy!
Dinnertime. [laughing]
Bugsy!
It was not easy, Herr General.
But I have...
[sputtering and spitting] ...captured their leader.
Leader?
Well, perhaps assistant leader?
[Groaning] [Indistinct English]... 
Herr General.
Get on with it!
Oh, oh. 
May I present you with the message, Papa?
Oh, oh.
The high commander will be pleased.
[Laughing]
There will be medals.
Und photographs.
Commemorative stamps.
[Laughing]
I will personally deliver it to him.
They must be desperate, indeed, to give the message to this putrid-smelling reject.
[Fly whimpering]
Oh, Oh, no.
Dennis... 
You've squished...
It was my favorite.
[Sobs]
I am. 
That's exactly...
I'm putrefied, stinky, rotten.
Eat me, you'll be sick for a week.
Hmm. 
Take him away.
No, no. 
Listen, you can't.
I,I've got a doctor's note.
I've got a feather condition
Wait.
On second thought, he may prove useful.
Yeah. 
Oh, yes. 
Oh, yes.
[Kissing, spitting] Oh, thank you.
You're very wise.
What do you like?
Cards? 
We can play cards.
Find the pebble.
I've got a lovely voice.
(There'll be bluebirds over
The white cliffs of Dover )
That probably annoys you.
You don't want that one.
I was thinking more along the lines of a celebration dinner.
Celebration dinner.
Brilliant idea. 
I cook well.
Not I cook well.
I won't be in it.
I can make dinner.
Bread crumbs. 
You'll love...
Oh! 
You haven't tried my bread crumb birdseedy thing.
[Chuckles] No.
Pigeon under glass, with a lovely Liebfraumilch reduction.
[Cackling] [Gulping]
[Snoring] [Gasping]
Oh.
Tickle.
What did you do to him?
[Laughing]
[Mutters] Pink...
You all right, mate?
Huh? 
Wait a minute there!
It's the feng shui.
That little bell should be over there.
Um, OK. 
Yeah.
[Giggling]
[Sighing] Who was I kidding?
I don't belong here.
[Exhaling] I've let everyone down.
Bugsy wouldn't even be here if it weren't for me.
Chaps, there's Valiant.Look. Follow me.
Valiant!
Hey, Lofty!
Toughwood! 
Tailfeather!
You made it.
Chaps.
It's Gutsy.
You're alive!
What happened? 
Tell us what happened.
Plane exploded. 
Chute gave out.
Free-fall 3,000 feet.
Set upon by a pack of wolves.
Flew through barbed wire.
Picked up some shrapnel from a stray grenade.
Fought my way to the rendezvous, and here we are.
Right. 
We can dispense with the chitchat.
I'm guessing the falcons have acquired the message.
Yes, sir.
Where's Bugsy?
He sacrificed himself to save me.
The falcons got Bugsy and the message.
Which way did they go?
That way.
Oh, no.
(Rule, Britannia Britannia rules the waves
Britons never, never, never will be slaves) [laughing]
(Rule, Britannia Britannia rules the waves
Britons never, never, never will be slaves)
Snap out of it.
[Grunting]
[Groaning] Come on, Bugsy, old boy.
Let's find a way out of here.
Where there's a will, there's a way.
Right. 
You chaps sit tight.
I'll fly in, avoiding the various clever booby traps, and deadly ambushes, then subdue any resistance and secure the message.
Absolutely.
Gutsy by name, gutsy by nature.
I will bathe.
Bring me my best cape.
Yes, Herr General.
Da, da, da, duh [shouting] Ow.
Join the army, you said.
I didn't.
You did.
It was your idea.
I've had enough of this.
Not listening.
Quiet. 
Shh.
I'm afraid it's not as simple as I thought.
This is a highly-fortified bunker, stuffed to the gills with enemy falcons.
There's only one opening, scarcely big enough for a hummingbird.
It's down the barrel of that gun.
No, gentlemen, I'm afraid it's hopeless.
I'll do it.
Valiant!
No!
Nein, nein, nein. 
Dummkopf!
[Grunting]
[Humming]
[Gasping]
Bugsy. [gasping]
Oh!
[Sighing]
[Distant voices]
Oh, oh, oh.
I'm too young to die.
I can't believe...
Hey!
Eh? 
Valiant.
Bugsy.
Shh.
[Von Talon humming] Hey. 
The message.
It's in there.
[Gasping]
Herr General, a cape for you.
No, no, red.
Red says "strong and decisive."
Red it is.
Yes, Herr General.
Yes, that's what I'm here for.
No, no, wait.
The blue with the eggshell trim.
As many capes as you like, General.
They're coming.
Gotta have this. 
Gotta have that.
Valiant, get down.
[Banging]
How many capes does someone need?
I'm sick of capes.
I hate capes.
I hate capes!
Ah. 
Um...
Here goes. [gagging]
Oh. 
Ugh.
[Gulping, coughing, hiccupping]
I'll get you out of here, Bugs.
It's no use.
He took the key with him.
Complete the mission.
But, Bugsy.
I,I can't.
Forget about me.
You've got the message.
Now get out of here.
No. 
Bugsy.
Go.
Don't do it.
[Von Talon humming]
[Clattering] Underlingk?
[Gasping] Uh...
Underlingk?
Ja, Herr General?
My beak wash.
Ja, Herr General.
(Pin on my medals Pin on my medals
(Pin on my medals on my cape )
Cufflingk?
Ja, Herr General?
My talon clippers.
Ja, Herr General.
[Continues humming Ride of the Valkyrie]
[Von Talon laughs] Oh, I am magnificent.
Of course, you can have as many capes as you like, General.
They're coming.
Huh?
Oh!
Get him! 
Stop him!
What's going on?
Bugsy!
Oh, yes! 
Brilliant!
Come on. 
Last chance.
Get up. 
Get up!
Oh.
What is that repulsive odor?
Ahem! 
Not to rush you or anything.
We gotta go. 
Come on!
Well done, my lad.
You're from Squad A, right?
It's a long story.
I'll tell you later.
[Grunting]
Come on.
[Growling]
You idiots!
[Shouting] Yeah!
Valiant!
Bugsy, Mercury.
[Whooping] We did it!
Valiant, you made it.
Well done.
My dear chap.
And the message?
Oh, yes, sir.
Safe and sound. [hiccups]
Good man.
Thank you, sir.
Right, lads.
We have a message to deliver.
Let's make wind.
Those falcons are gonna think twice before they try to mess with us.
[Cackling] Enemy fliers.
Toughwood, Tailfeather, figure of eight.
Disperse.
Yes, sir.
[Growling] [Whooping]
[Pigeons laughing]
Well done.
Come on, lads.
Attack formation.
Valiant, complete the mission.
You know where to go.
Keep it tight, now.
Let's go, chaps.
Come on.
[Shouting]
[Chuckling]
[Buoy bell ringing]
[Panting]
You look tired, little bird.
Wouldn't you like a rest...
in my belly?
So... [laughing] ...you are the elite, huh?
The best of the best? 
[laughing]
There's more to me than meets your eye.
Ahh!
I hope I'm gonna make it.
I think I'm gonna make it.
I'm going to make it.
[Laughing] [Shrieking]
You can't escape me, pigeon.
No!
[Snarling] [Screaming]
What do you do with a drunken sailor
Early in the morning
Valiant, back so soon?
And alive!
Excitable boy. [gasping]
What the... 
Falcon!
Sound the alarm!
Oh, my peg leg...
Sound the alarm!
Mum!
Valiant!
Hi!
[Screaming]
[Growling]
[Cackling]
[Valiant screams]
[Breathing heavily]
Hmmm.
Huh?
[Gasping]
It's just you and me now, pigeon.
This is where it ends.
You are nothing but a lowly wood pigeon.
You are no match for a falcon ruler.
Oh, it's just as I imagined!
Pieces and shreds!
Valiant!
[Grunting]
Come on. 
Come on, then.
You great ugly bully!
Leave him alone, you ugly falcon!
Come out, little birdie.
I may even spare your puny little life.
Just stay calm.
You can do this.
[Growling]
Pipsqueak!
My name is not Pipsqueak.
My name is Valiant!
Oh, ow, ow, ow!
Valiant.
Good lad!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a message to deliver.
Oh, wonderful!
That's my boy!
Valiant? 
You've made it?
Valiant Pigeon. [panting]
Sir, I have a message to deliver.
[Gagging]
Certainly, yes.
Just one moment.
Gentlemen, a change of plan.
We now land in Normandy.
A change of plan Normandy. 
Repeat: 
Normandy.
[Fanfare]
[Cheering] [Sarge] Well done, son.
This could mean promotion.
I'm proud of you.
You're a credit to the service.
Thank you, sir.
Ow!
It's been a... 
I'm sorry!
Sorry, sorry.
Valiant.
Well done, old boy.
I knew you'd do it.
Well done, mate.
Seeds!
(Shoo, shoo, shoo, baby)
(Bye, bye, bye, baby) Ahoy there, Valiant.
Bug juice, on the house, of course.
(Don't cry, baby)
I'm the hero around here.
I'm the hero. 
Do you want to see...
Will you shut up?
I was doing all right till you came over.
[Both grunting]
Hello, handsome.
I say.
[Singing continues]
Whoa!
Shall we shake a tail feather?
Certainly.
Oh, Sergeant.
Valiant, maybe you and I could, uh...
Sorry, but I'm not available.
[Clearing throat] I can't stress enough how available I am.
(Doo-dah doo-day)
(Shoo, baby) (Doo-dah doo-day)
(Shoo, baby Shoo, shoo, shoo)
(Well, I want a little bit of quiet in the house please)
(She wants a little bit of quiet in the house)
(My papa's on his way to cross the seven seas)
(So don't you cry and don't you sigh Goodbye now)
(Shoo, shoo baby) Shoo
(Shoo, shoo, my baby) [scatting]
(Goodbye, baby) Don't you cry no more
(Your papa's off) to the seven seas
(Don't cry, baby)
(Don't sigh, baby) (Shoo, shoo, yeah)
(Shoo, shoo, shoo, baby Goodbye, goodbye)
(Your papa's off to the seven seas)
(Your big tall papa's off to the seven seas )
Yeah!

Valiant
I think I saw something!
Steady lads!
Past the French border and we'll be safe over there!
Falcon!
- Private, coming in hot!
- Then lift it 30!
Stay with me, private! 
Private!
Wing commander Gutsy, this just came from a sea border.
- None of them made it back alive.
- None of them?
- But those were some of our top fliers.
- I'm sorry, sir. 
I'm just a messenger pigeon.
If we don't find some more birds fast, our goose is going to be cooked.
VALIANT
BIRDS ON THE MARCH
Across the nation and the globe pigeons are taking wing in a fight for freedom.
Delivering top secret messages from behind enemy lines, these fine pigeons are applied of the allied forces.
It's the Royal Homing Pigeon Service that leads the way.
Whether cutting through enemy lines or just coming wise.
These power pigeons are the marvel of bird.
But don't come for dubs.
War bomb birds play a vital role in raising seed for the troops.
Wait a minute.
Nursing girls at two o'clock.
Now that's what I call a task force.
Laundry bird bath. 
Why not?
These hotty heroes need to look their best.
Of course not just any pigeon can make the cut out.
But there's always room for a few recruits.
And there they go. 
Off to another exciting mission.
Homing pigeons, we salute you!
This is a shot boys, watch this.
Two in the corner, eight...
- Valiant, do you mind?
- Sorry. 
Felix!
Felix, I could do it!
I could do that, Felix!
- Do what, lad?
- I could be one of those brave recruits.
Taking wing in a fight for freedom, I know I could! 
I know it!
Valiant! 
Did I ever tell you?
When I was your age,
I was all ready on the cost of France.
Aquatic brigade.
Gull division.
If it weren't for that wooden drum taken that shram deck,
- I'd be there right now.
- Maybe you're right.
I'm just what they're looking for, a pigeon with that something extra.
You know it's not a wing spand, it's a size of a spirit!
Look at them!
Look at that move!
Royal Homing Pigeon Service! 
Magnificent!
Commander Gutsy!
The most decorated pigeon ever!
- Much obliged. 
Thank you, thank you.
- Who will have a drink with me now!
- What would it be, boys?
- Hot juice, shaken, not stirred.
He has always drinks on the house!
- Hot juice. 
Shaken. 
Not stirred.
- Merci beaucoup.
He's from France!
- So, what's the news from the front?
- Can't say of course. 
Classified.
But danger is our business. 
And I'm sorry to say, business is all too good.
Let me through! 
Got to get to wing commander now!
- Excuse me, wing commander!
- Yes?
- Sir, where do I sign up?
- Aren't you a bit underwaist?
Talking about small wings, man.
There's always a place for a few valiant birds.
Sign up is tomorrow in London.
I'd love to stay and chat, but duty calls and we must answer.
Dukes up, boys!
Let's make wing.
Hip hip hurray!
General!
You've come back, general Von Talon.
Congratulations, sir.
Under the Geneva convention as an officer
I have the right to be treated as a pigeon of war.
Have no fear, you will be.
Take him to the cage!
Get your talons off me!
Pigeons, ascetic little creatures.
You don't eat your prisoners at war, do you?
Eat you!
I'm a vegetarian.
Have you ever worn cape?
- Who is your contact in resistance?
- You know they'll send a crack team to rescue me?
Rescue you?
You're a pigeon!
- How important do you think you are?
- VIP. 
Very Important Pigeon!
Very Impudent Pigeon!
Who is your contact in Resistance?
Speak!
This canary will never say it.
- Listen to your mother, you can't go!
- Mom, there's a war going on and I want to do my bit!
- Why! 
Why! 
Why!
- Oh, mom! 
Good bye.
Please listen to what I tell you!
- Mom!
- You little baby!
Mother, it's not helping!
- Mother, honestly, I'm going to be fine!
- You were such a cute little egg!
Mom, I'm not an egg anymore!
It's time I left the nest.
No one thinks I can do this.
Maybe my only chance to show them and myself that they're wrong!
Well, at least have some breakfast before you go.
Mom, no thanks.
- Valiant!
- Right then.
I love you.
Good bye!
My little baby.
- Go there Valiant!
- I'm off now Felix! 
Wish me luck!
- Good luck!
- Good bye!
That boy is gonna do great.
LONDON 57
Valiant pigeon! 
Fearless flier!
Flier in the ally forces.
Fight the enemy.
Not fight the ladies.
Spits danger smack in the eye!
Look at that!
It's London!
Oh, this is easy.
I mean you go as I tell you.
All you're gonna do, keep your eyes on the pebble.
Give a chance to boogie this day.
Find her and the crumbs is yours!
Has it gone that way, that way or has it not?
Find her and the crumbs is yours!
Which way is under?
- That one!
- That one?
Oh, no! 
Bad luck again!
Get one more go! 
I think you're gonna win this time.
Serious thing, which one has the pebble?
Wow! 
I know you're excited...
Why don't you set again...
- You've been cheating! 
Give me my crumbs back!
- Listen. 
I know what you're thinking...
Come and get me, falcons!
Strike me down if I tell you lie.
Look at him. 
That was lucky.
Prayed for answer, that's never worked before but...
Hello, mate! 
Lost control, but then you could not offict by the time you drop in.
- Bugsy is the name.
- I'm terribly sorry, I'm Valiant.
- So what brings you to my manner?
- I've come to be an aviator.
With the Royal Homing Pigeon Service.
Fighting for king and country!
I've never been much of the howling glory bird myself.
I'm rather partial to a little something called freedom.
Yeah, I fleet about as at least.
Now I tell you what to do, all way to do it.
- Are those flies?
- Oh, they're friends of mine.
So, RHPS recruit, right this way mate.
I'm feeling rather patriotic myself all of a sudden.
- There he is!
- Come on, after him.
Let's keep going, come on.
He's here somewhere.
I can smell him.
Follow in here.
- Hello. 
Two on the list please.
- Valiant pigeon.
- Reporting for duty, sir.
- Never heard of you.
Valiant pigeon.
The Valiant pigeon.
- You don't have Valiant on your list?
- No!
- Clerical error.
- Should I have?
Yes, I think you should have.
Look at him, he's a perfect specimen.
He's as fast as lightning, strong as knocks.
Fits all for high standard.
The bird's a legend in his Hempshire area.
Too small! 
He should be yea high and he's not even hey high.
- Charming, that's charming.
- But you!
- Have you by any chance heard of a war fare?
- I've got me a rare feather condition.
Makes me itch.
Clear of the territory. 
Get lost!
- But, wing commander Gutsy...
- Yes. 
Wing commander Gatsy. 
That's right.
Valiant is the best mate.
They went to school together.
You don't wanna get on the wrong side with him, if he hears about this you're gonna lose those stripes, mate.
- You know wing commander Gutsy, you say?
- Well... 
Oh, yeah.
- Well, that makes a difference. 
Sign here.
- Thank you. 
Thank you, sir.
There he is!
You clowns!
When I get hold of you, I'm gonna knock your beak!
- Hey! 
That's it! 
Enough.
- Get your wings of me!
- Where do I sign up?
- Just sign here.
- All right, in you go.
- Thank you, sir.
Who is this Gutsy anyway?
If I see your ugly face around here, I'm gonna have you!
- We made it!
- Sight on town.
We're in the Royal Homing Pigeon Service!
The elite of the elite! 
Fighting the heroic battle to save...
Save? 
I'll tell you for this.
Each word like a charm.
So with that I'll be here to sky way.
Cheers mate, good luck. 
God bless.
If you get back in one piece, be sure to...
Hello? 
Hello?
Gents, hello! 
Hello!
- No! 
There's been a terrible mistake!
- Trust me, this is all gonna work out brilliantly.
Hey! 
Come on! 
Come back!
It's so bright.
- Sorry about that.
- You'll be good, you little fellow.
Hey, little fellow! 
It's not the size of your wing spand, no!
- It's the size of your spirit!
- If you say so, mate.
- Can't argue with that.
- I'm Tailfeather, this is Toughwood, my brother.
Not the sharp to speak on, block.
- What?
- But...
If you're ever in the scrum, there's no better bird to be your team.
Absolutely.
- Nice to meet you. 
I'm Valiant.
- Valiant? 
It's good to meet you.
Let's go! 
It's two foot to Tailfeather.
Quite elite unit, on quote they seem to let in anything with wings.
Including those flies.
Certainly your bottom.
- Wait! 
Who do you think you are?
- I'm Lofty, tedious word to pigeon.
I come from a long and honourable line of warrior pigeons.
Lads!
I trust you had a blaze of journey.
Well, I think I'll speak for all of us when I say the right must have been bumping on the way.
Maybe check the suspension on that motivate.
We are thirsty, if we could have some cold drinks, that would be nice.
Oh, that certainly can be arranged.
Line up! 
Spread feathers and tell me you're flamingo!
So that's it in all.
For the next six weeks your tails belong to me.
You'll learn to march like bird, fly like bird and fight like bird.
I will make birds of you, turkeys even if it kills you!
- Except you. 
You won't last a week.
- Permission to die trying, sir!
It's like this, ladies. 
You will shape up and you will shape up fast or I will personally draw you out of the claw!
Funny, you should. 
I would love to get drown down, I was gonna bring out a few hutton.
- Hey, leave him alone! 
He help me to...
- Hut down, beaks queek.
I'm more interested in letting you all drop and give me 50 courtesy of your short little friend here.
Training at last.
I say wouldn't it be more sporting if the chap who actually committed the...
Gentlemen, welcome to the Royal Homing Pigeon Service.
For the last time what was your mission?
And where are these messages coming from?
Very well. 
Have it your way.
- Allow us to black out his feathers!
- And his knees.
And his feelings.
No, worse. 
Much worse.
We have ways of making you squawk.
What kind of birds are you?
This is hugely!
One two, one two and hop!
Now forward report to the nursing docs.
- Hello nurse.
- Look at that!
- I've been waiting for you.
- Do you have a little something for a brave pigeon about to go into battle? 
Hey, darling?
It just so happens I do have something for you.
- Did you hear that?
- Is this what you had in mind?
Wow. 
It's awfully big. 
You're kind of short for a nurse.
Look who's talking, I'd say you're kind of short for a carrier pigeon.
- I'm Valiant by the way.
- All right then Valiant. 
I'm Victoria.
I know you lads have had a tiring day, and what you need is a nice relaxing shower.
Then you are to a fancy dinner.
We'll get your little feather cut.
Set you up with some uniforms.
- Oh, sorry fellows.
- You got me!
That's it!
Come here!
We're all turning for a good night sleep.
So this is where the smelly rotten bits of disgusting refue set up.
And our sleeping quarters would be well.
Never sleep in the attic.
- Well, this isn't so bad.
- Oh, just like home.
I've had enough!
Speak!
Lieutenant Mercury, Royal Homing Pigeon Service, 4121444697.
Bring me the truth serum.
Come on, come on.
- One shot of this and we will know everything.
- I'll never talk! 
Never! 
Never!
Wakey wakey!
You bad reigns are squad F. You know what that means?
Squad Fantastic!
Philosophical!
No, it means you are the fliers of the future.
The far future!
But mind you're somehow estimate you the carrier pigeons of today.
Good maneuver. 
It might work if you kept your eyes open.
- Back to your nursy down there.
- Thanks, Bugsy.
You must really like it here, because this is the third time you get to see me.
- I wish you be more careful.
- Oh, don't you worry.
Where I come from, danger is our business.
Oh yeah, we spit danger in the eye.
If the condition, I can take it.
- And where do you come from?
- West Nestington.
That's near Nestington, it's some close to the west actually.
Oh, Valiant!
Well I have to return to my duties, so...
- Good bye.
- Oh, Valiant wait!
As homing pigeons it's our duty to transport messages.
In a worst of conditions wind, hail, slip, snow, bombs exploding, bullets flying and as if that weren't enough, mother nature has the audacity to create a little something called
The Falcon.
Twenty pounds of pigeon eating muscle, measuring five of your wing spands.
They like to fly seek their pray, speed excessive 200 miles per hour.
But not to buy it. 
Not yet.
The first strike is merely for impact.
They'll let you drop of it.
They make sure you're defenseless, and scoop you up in their razor sharp talons.
And in the dark of the night you'll have not a split second to recognize friend from foe.
Friend or foe?
- Foe!
- No!
You idiots, it's a pigeon!
Friend or foe?
- Foe! 
No!
- Friend!
- No, it's a foe.
- Yes, yes!
Friend or foe?
- Friend!
- Friend!
99. 100. 101. 102.
To survive his mission a pigeon must have the strength to carry his message capsule.
You must have the speed to fly like the wind.
You must have the ability to vault maneuver the enemy.
And you must have the endurance to battle relevance flying long distances over raging suds.
- Me again.
- Valiant.
Oh, my favourite!
How did you know?
The parrot is to be right about we doing!
This is why I think I'm afraid of height!
You are afraid of height!
- That's it!
- Come on!
- Good afternoon.
- Hello Guts. 
What news?
Not good I'm afraid. 
We just lost squadron E over Belgium.
That means these new recruits are at any chance.
- They have to leave tomorrow.
- You can't be serious.
They haven't even finished the training.
Sorry, but those are the orders. 
Have them ready at 8.00 tomorrow. 
Cheers.
Commandor Gutsy is here, so I suppose you'll be out soon.
I know! 
I know! 
I can't wait! 
This is the moment I've been waiting for!
Well, I'd like to be part of what you come home to.
I don't care if you're a hero. 
Just concentrate on your getting back.
You need to understand something, lads.
Our losses have been heavy. 
We got to stop it.
You're all we've got! 
And so today we fight for our country.
Tommorow our feathers may be flopped from our rifless bodies.
And our bones bend to rubbed weasels. 
But never mind that.
On this day in this place let it forever be known that you, pigeons did your part in the heroic battle for...
- Seeds!
- Freedom!
Right! 
You will be commander Gutsy support wing.
I expect you to do whatever it takes to ensure the success of this mission.
Chaps, the message we have been sent to carry is of the utmost importance.
The upcome of the war could well depend on it.
We pigeons have never been entrusted with more critical or dangerous mission.
May you fly straight! 
And may your instinct guide you home.
- What did Gutsy mean by highly dangerous?
- I don't know. 
But I can tell you this.
I am a bird of principle. 
And my number one principle is don't get involved with anything called highly dangerous!
And I will never violate my beliefs. 
Do not ask me to violate my beliefs.
You're talking to the wrong pigeon.
Sir, point of clarification please.
Recalling the highly dangerous mission.
I truly regret that I have but one life to give for my country.
- I'd love to die. 
But I can't. 
Not on Sunday.
- Are you finished?
Not quite, listen, maybe I'm not that conscientious, but I do object.
Get back to the barracks! 
Now!
Do I still have to go on a dangerous mission?
- Now!
- Yep.
- Take that as yes, I do.
- Now!
- Hey, where are you going?
- Keep it down, mate.
- Got some serious flying ahead.
- Flying, what do you mean flying?
- Flying to where?
- Back to old Trafalgar square, son.
- You're not leaving, you'll break up the team.
- Team? 
I'm not a team player.
These question aren't why I'm leaving, but why you're staying?
Why am I staying? 
Because it's my duty, it's our duty!
Hold on! 
Sorry!
Did I miss something?
Did we start this? 
No.
Did we make those?
All those? 
I've seen them before, mate.
And this is not a great sight.
The truth is, I'm scared.
Don't tell them that.
Cause I'll deny it.
- Well, I'm scared too.
- Then come with me.
- Just have the square we asked. 
Come on!
- We didn't make Trafalgar square either.
Where do we go if they start dropping bombs there?
- No, I'm staying. 
I'm doing my bit.
- Yeah, luck to you, mate.
Anyway, keep your wings in front of you.
- What's up then?
- What's going on?
It's time for me to fly home, all right?
So I guess this is farewell.
- Wait, where are you going?
- You can't just leave, Bugsy.
Look, I've got urgent business to take care of.
I better catch the wind while it's blowing.
Look me up when you get back, kid!
You know where I'll be!
Gentlemen, take your places!
Our mission is to be dropped behind enemy lines in occupied France.
To make contact with the French resistance.
To get a top secret message and bring it back here by sun dawn tomorrow.
Good luck. 
The fate of the freedom loving world depends on us.
- Wait!
- Hey, Bugsy!
You can't go without me!
I can't let you go with glory!
Good luck, lads.
- Hey, Bugsy! 
Thanks for coming back!
- I'll tell you the truth, it's the first work worth I've ever done.
We're gonna be fine. 
Right, Lofty?
Indubitably! 
Birds of a feather are all that.
- Going off to you mate, we stick together.
- Hey Tailfeather, can you believe that we're the ones they pick to save the most important mission in World War II?
- Yeah!
- Me too!
Truthfully, I'm not a good singer anyway.
- Enough already! 
You've been chattering for days!
- Hey, who gave me the serum?
You want me to talk, okay I'm talking.
I'm glad you did this. 
Homing Pigeon recruit is only good, but it's a stiff effort beat rubbish all the time.
I got feelings and I wanna express them.
I always used to think my favourite color was blue, cause it's for boys...
Shut up!
I didn't deserve that treatment I mean most of you treat me like this!
Even that charming Resistance chat with that fabulos view over harbour the last time I was in the attic in San Pierre...
San Pierre.
The truth serum is genious.
Cover his cage!
- I'm curious what is your favourite color?
- Pink!
Not a hot pink, just a kind of pink pink.
You know what I mean, just pink.
- Excuse me.
- I like pink too.
Come on! 
Cheer up, Valiant!
It's difficult for me.
- Gentlemen, get ready to drop!
- Are you ready to drop?
I think I'm not that ready!
It's okay to be scared, fellows!
I'd be worried if you weren't.
It won't get past, but you'll get used to it!
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
It's stuck!
- Sir, let me help you!
- No! 
Go now! 
That's an order!
Yes, sir.
Come on Gutsy, get out of there!
Oh, come on.
- Hello? 
Hello? 
Will you help chaps?
- Hold on there, we'll get you out.
Yeah, little bit of a tenuous landing.
Are you saying it got to be worse?
Look out!
- Sorry Lofty.
- Not to worry, old chap.
What's that? 
Bit of a muddle.
- But at least we're all in one peace.
- Not quite all.
- Where's Gutsy?
- He was still in the plane.
- What do you mean he was still in the plane?
- His cage got stuck. 
I don't think he got out.
That's it! 
We're dead!
We're finished! 
Nice knowing you.
You're quite mistaking, boy.
I'm sure he made it out.
Gutsy always makes it out, he's going to come and find us any minute now.
And give us the plans for the mission.
- Then who has back up plan?
- You want the back up plan?
- We die. 
That's the back up plan.
- But I'm not ready to die!
- Am I ready? 
No one's asked me!
- So many books to read! 
Regret!
We're dead. 
Thank you very much.
Everyone be quiet. 
Quiet!
We need a plan.
And the plan is, is to find a safe location to plan the next move.
- You heard the bird.
- So our plan is to make a plan?
Come on.
France is spooky.
Quiet! 
Did you hear that?
There's someone in there!
Somebody better go and have a look.
All right, I'll go.
All righty turkies, let's go.
Valiant, just pull yourself together.
There's nothing in here.
Unless you're counting guns, bombs, all the falcons, pigeon eating falcons.
Pigeon eating falcons!
Tailfeather, you grabbed the grail.
Hello, my pigeon friends.
You are the RHPS, no?
- French resistance, Mers division.
- I'm glad to see you. 
I'll tell you.
- How did you find us?
- Well, there was the plane and the explosion.
And this gleaming and pleeding.
More scleemings and beggins and cryings, whinings, winging, yelling, poohing.
- Enough about that.
- Absolutely.
Definitely, yep.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am Charles De Girl.
- De Girl? 
Why did they call you De Girl?
- Because I am a girl. 
The one and only girl.
- I like France.
- Do you speak French?
- Well, may we...
- Does o la la mean anything to you?
Or wa wa woom! 
Bon jour?
All right! 
We don't have time for this!
You have a message, we have a mission.
- Let's get on with it!
- Not so fast, monsieur!
This is Rollo. 
He's an expert in sa...
Sabotage!
Sabotage!
Pardon.
Now monsieur, before you continue on your mission, it's our national cost on to...
- Break the bridge?
- Cut the cheese.
- Thank you for your hospitality, but we just don't have time to eat.
And anyway we're birds.
- We don't eat cheese.
- We don't?
- Look, about that message.
- We will take you to it. 
But the road is dangerous.
And guarded by the enemy falcon.
But this cannot be a problem for such highly trained pigeons.
- That is why you are squad A?
- The things is you see...
- Squad B. 
- Not squad B.
Squad C?
You are squad D?
Just between us, squad D was never really what it was cracked up to be.
I will not lie to you, you will definitely be among the falcons.
- Wow, that was a fine fromage.
- Can you burp on Q?
I can burp on all the letters. 
Not just Q.
Watch this. 
A. B. C.
Be silent! 
The falcons!
- I say!
- Excuse me.
Come on.
Falcons!
All clear!
Stop that!
Oh, squad F.
- We are here.
- This is invigorating.
The attic! 
There it is!
Fly, English pigeons! 
Fly!
- Oh, dear. 
Sorry.
- Dirty bird!
Lofty pigeon at your service.
Hold on, mademoiselle!
He's heavy, this one!
Faster!
Sabotage!
To the right!
I'm gonna get you!
Hold on, De Girl!
This is it!
I must do the secret knock.
- Who is it?
- De Girl.
- You must do the secret password.
- Jacques, there is no time!
- Have you any?
- Wine?
No, no, that is yesterday's password.
- Trees?
- No.
- Seeds?
- No, no.
Falcons!
Jacques, move it!
- Let me give you le message.
- You can give me le massage.
Pretty sure it's a full body massage.
Message! 
The message that is to go to London. 
Our freedom depends on it.
And who carries them?
- Wait. 
I'll take it.
- Bugsy?
- And you said you weren't the team player.
- I see it my own way.
- Good luck, Bugsy.
- Fly straight.
And let our instincts guide us home.
Good bye. 
And good luck, pigeons!
Okay, farewell.
Absolutely charmed.
Just one tiny thing. 
How are we gonna get out of there! 
We're trapped!
I've got an idea!
I've got an idea!
Where are they?
Let's go!
- Hey, it worked like a charm!
- They'll be teaching that one in the Academy!
- I just thought the others are okay.
- Count on it!
Let's go.
I say let go!
You can't do better than that, you English pigeon!
Bugsy!
Bugsy!
Bugsy!
It was not easy, herr general. 
But I have... catched their leader!
- The leader?
No, perhaps, assisstant leader.
- But along, herr general.
- Get on with it!
May I present you, the message! 
Ta-ta.
The high commander will be pleased!
There will be medals, photographs, commemorative spanks!
I will personally deliver it to him.
They must be desperate indeed to give the message to this putrid smelling reject.
Oh no, Dennis! 
You're squished!
He was my favourite.
I am putrid stinky rub. 
Eat me, you'll be sick for a week.
- Take him away!
- No!
I've got feather condition!
Wait. 
On second thoughts he may prove useful.
Yes! 
Oh, yes!
Oh, thank you.
You're very wise.
What would you like?
Cards? 
We can play cards.
Find the pebble?
I've got a lovely voice.
That would be noisy...
I was thinking more along delights of a celebration dinner.
Celebration dinner!
Brilliant idea!
I cook well, I cook well!
I can make great crumbs in oven.
Oh, you haven't tried my bread crumb bird seed thing.
No, pigeon on the glass.
It was a lovely liebfrau reduction.
What did you do to him?
- You're all right, mate?
- Wait a minute now!
That little bell should be over there!
Who was I kidding?
I don't belong here.
I've let everyone down. 
Folks even wouldn't be here if it weren't for me.
Folks! 
There's Valiant! 
Follow me!
Hey! 
Lofty! 
Toughwood!
- Chaps!
- Gutsy! 
You're alive!
What happened?
Tell us what happened!
Plane exploded. 
Shoot gave out.
Free fall at 300 feet. 
Set on fire.
Flew through barbed wire, picked up some shrap from a straight granade.
Thought I was on the wrong move. 
And here we are.
Right! 
We can dispense with the chit chat.
I guess the falcons require the message.
- Yes, sir.
- Where's Bugsy?
He sacrificed himself to save me.
The falcons got Bugsy and the message.
- Which way did they go?
- That way.
Oh, no!
Britania rolls way!
Come on, pull yourself together. 
Snap out of it!
Come Bugsy, let's find us the way out of here.
When there's a will, there's a way.
Right. 
You chaps sit tight.
I'll fly in avoiding the barriers, clever traps and deadly ambushes.
Then some resistance.
And secure the message.
Absolutely. 
Gutsy by name. 
Gutsy by nature.
I will bathe.
- Bring me my best cape.
- Yes, herr general.
- Join the army you said.
- You did, it was your idea.
I'm not listening!
I'm afraid it's not that simple as I thought.
This is a highly fortified bunker stuffed with the guills, with enemy falcons.
There's one opening, scarcely big enough for a homing bird.
It's down the barrow of that gun.
Gentlemen, I'm afraid it's hopeless.
I'll do it!
Bugsy.
I'm too young to die!
I can't believe it!
- Hey!
- Hey?
- Valiant?
- Bugsy.
Hey! 
The message!
It's in there.
Oh, no! 
Red is strong and decisive!
- Red it is!
- Yes, general!
- No wait, the blue has the actual chimb.
- We'll do as you like, general.
They're coming!
Valiant, get down!
- So many capes to someone!
- I'm sick of capes! 
I hate capes!
Here goes.
- Okay, you're out of here, Bugsy.
- It's of no use, he took the key with him.
- Complete the mission!
- Bugsy! 
I can't!
Forget about me! 
You've got the message, now get out of here!
- No, Bugsy!
- Go.
Don't! 
Don't do it!
Underlingk?
- Underlingk!
- Yeah, herr general!
- My beak wash!
- Yeah, herr general.
- Cuffingk?
- Yeah, herr general!
- My talon clippers.
- Yeah, herr general!
Valiant! 
They're coming!
- Get him!
- Stop him!
What's going on!
- Bugsy!
- Valiant!
Come on, last chance. 
Get up!
What is that!
Not to watch around, gotta go! 
Come on!
Well done, my lad!
- You're from squadron E, right?
- It's a long story, I'll tell you later!
You idiots!
Valiant! 
Bugsy!
- We did it!
- You made it!
- And the message?
- Yes, sir! 
Safe and sound.
- Good man!
- Thank you, sir.
Right lads, we have a message to deliver. 
Let's make wing!
Those falcons are gonna think twice before they try to mess with us!
Enemy fliers!
Toughwood! 
Tailfeather!
- Take them away! 
Dispose!
- Yes, sir!
Come on lads, attack formation!
Valiant, complete the mission.
You are way to go.
Give me tail, pal.
Let's go chaps!
You're tired, little bird? 
Won't you like to rest in my belly?
So you are the elite?
The best of the best?
I hope I'm gonna make it.
I think I'm gonna make it.
I'm going to make it!
You can't escape me, pigeon!
Valiant back so soon!
What a nice excitable boy!
Falcon! 
Set the alarm!
Set the alarm!
It's just you and me, pigeon!
This is where it ends.
You are nothing but a lonely woof pigeon.
You are no match for a falcon.
It's just as I imagined!
Pieces and shreds!
Valiant!
You ugly stupid falcon!
Come out, little birdy. 
I may even spare your puny little life!
Just stay calm.
You can do this!
You squeak!
My name is not squeak!
My name is Valiant!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a message to deliver.
That's my boy!
Valiant? 
You've made it?
Valiant pigeon.
Sir, I have a message to deliver.
WAR ROOM
Gentlemen, a change of a plan.
We now land in Normandy.
FOR VALOUR
Well done, son.
This could mean promotion.
- I'm proud of you. 
You are credit to the Service.
- Thank you. 
Thank you, sir. 
It's been a...
Sorry! 
Sorry!
- Valiant!
- Well done!
You medal beauty.
Well done, mate.
Seed!
WINGED WAR HEROES
Hold there, Valiant!
I saw her earlier!
I was doing all right to you, kip.
- Hello, handsome!
- I say!
Shall we shake, Tailfeather?
- Oh Valiant, would you like to dance?
- Sorry, I'm not available.
Well you don't know how available I am.

I think I saw something.
Steady lads! 
We're almost home.
Just a few flaps more we'll be over the white cliffs of Dover!
Falcon!
- 5 o'clock and coming in hot!
- Then lift it 30!
private! 
Private!
Wing commander Gutsy!
This just in from a seagull near Dover.
- None of them made it back alive.
- None of them?
But... 
But those were some of our top fliers.
sir.
I'm just a messenger pigeon. our goose is going to be cooked.
Across the nation and the globe pigeons are taking wing in the fight for freedom.
these fine feathered aviators are the pride of the allied forces.
It's the Royal Homing Pigeon Service that leads the way.
Whether cutting through enemy lines or just cutting wise.
These proud pigeons are the model of birdhood.
But don't count out the doves.
War bond birds play a vital role in raising seeds for the troops.
Wait a minute! 
Ahoy mates!
Nursing doves at 2 o'clock.
Now that's what I call a task force!
why not?
These hearty heroes need to look their best.
not just any pigeon can make the cut.
But there's always room for a few brave recruits.
off to another exciting mission.
we salute you!
- Wow.
watch this.
- Two in the corner...
- Felix! 
Felix!
do you mind?
- Oh sorry.
Felix!
Felix!
lad?
- I could be one of those brave recruits.
I know I could! 
I know it!
did I ever tell you?
I was already on the shores of France.
Aquatic brigade.
Gull division. 
- I'd be out there right now!
- Maybe you're right.
a pigeon with that something extra. it's the size of his spirit!
everybody! 
Look outside!
Royal Homing Pigeon Service!
Magnificent doves!
Wing Commander Gutsy!
The most decorated pigeon ever!
much obliged. 
Thank you.
Come and have a drink with me now!
not stirred.
The RHPS always drinks on the house!
not stirred.
ma ch駻ie.
- Oh...
He spoke French!
of course. 
Classified.
business is all too good.
Let me through!
Got to get to Wing Commander--
Wing Commander!
- Yes?
where do I sign up?
- Aren't you a bit on the wee side?
pip-squeak.
There's always a place for a few valiant birds.
Sign up is tomorrow in London.
but duty calls and we must answer.
boys!
Let's make wind.
Hip hip hurray!
Hip hip hurray!
I am far more talented than good looking.
Herr General!
General Von Talon.
sir. 
Another triumph!
- Ya woll mein General! I have the right to be treated as a pigeon of war.
you will be.
Take him to the cage!
you filthy falcons!
pathetic little creatures.
do you?
Eat you!
I'm a vegetarian.
And yet you wear a leather cape?
Who is your contact in the resistance?
You know they'll send a crack team to rescue me?
Rescue you?
You're a pigeon!
- How important do you think you are?
- VIP. 
Very Important Pigeon!
Very Impudent Pigeon!
Who is your contact in the Resistance?
no.
- Speak!
This canary will never sing.
you can't go!
there's a war going on and I want to do my bit!
mum!
Good bye.
Mum!
that's not helping!
I'm gonna be fine!
- You were such a cute little egg! I'm not an egg anymore!
It's time I left the nest.
and... it may be my only chance to show them and myself that they're wrong!
at least have some breakfast before you go.
mum. 
Mum!
Aargh! 
No. 
Thanks!
Valiant!
- Right then.
I love you.
Good bye!
He'll always be an egg to me.
Ahoy there Valiant!
I'm off now Felix! 
Wish me luck!
Good luck!
Good bye...
That boy is gonna get creamed.
Valiant pigeon! 
Fearless flier!
Pride of the Allied forces.
Feared by the enemy.
Loved by the ladies.
Humble.
Spits danger smack in the eye!
Look at that! 
It's London!
alright. 
Listen up. keep your eyes on the pebble. 
You can't go wrong.
she will give you the slip.
Find her and the crumbs is yours!
Easy as pie. 
I don't-- I don't know how I stay in business.
There it is. 
Not under that one.
Where is it now?
the crumbs is yours!
Which one is it under?
- That one!
- That one?
no! 
Bad luck again!
Give you one more go? 
Law of averages.
I think you're gonna win this time.
which one has the pebble?
that would s-- In all the excitement I forgot myself.
uh...
You big cheat!
Give me my crumbs back!
I know what you're thinking... falcons!
Strike me down if I tell a lie.
Oh!
Look at him. 
That was lucky.
Prayers were answered.
That's never worked before but... but then...
You could not have picked a better time to drop in.
Bugsy's the name.
I'm Valiant.
I've come to be an aviator.
With the Royal Homing Pigeon Service.
Fighting for king and country!
You don't say.
I've never been much of a hope and glory bird myself.
I'm rather partial to a little something called freedom.
I flit about as I please.
or when to do it.
they...
They're friends of mine.
yeah. 
Right this way mate.
all of a sudden.
after him.
come on.
He's here somewhere.
I can smell him.
mate.
Hello! 
Two to enlist please.
sir.
Never heard of you.
yeah.
THE Valiant pigeon.
- You don't have Valiant on your list?
- No!
- Clerical error.
- Should I have?
I think you should have.
Look at him! 
He's a perfect specimen.
Do something.
strong as knocks.
yeah.
Sit back down again.
The bird's a legend in the strapping...
...Barkley Hampshire area.
Too small!
You should be "yea" high and you're not even "hey" high.
that's charming that is.
- And you!
Have you by any chance heard of a birdbath?
I've got me a rare feather condition. 
Yeah.
and it makes me itch.
Clear off the territory. 
Get lost!
he-- he...
Exact-
- Yes.
Wing Commander Gutsy. 
That's right.
Valiant's best mate.
They went to school together. mate.
ah... yeah.
that makes a difference.
sir.
There he is!
You dirty clowns!
I'm gonna knock your beak off!
- Hey! 
That's it! 
Pigeons Only.
- Get your wings off me!
- Where do I sign up?
- Just sign here.
sir.
Who is this Gutsy geezer anyway?
I'm gonna have you!
- We made it!
- Safe and sound.
We're in the Royal Homing Pigeon Service!
The elite of the elite!
Fighting the heroic battle to save our... which worked like a charm.
Even though I say so myself.
I'll be hittin' the skyway.
good luck. 
God bless.
uh... look me... up... uh...
Hello? 
Hello?
hello! 
Hello!
No! 
There's been a terrible mistake!
this is all gonna work out brilliantly.
come on! 
Come on--
I've been shanghaied.
That's a bit bright.
- Sorry about that.
- I didn't mean to hurt ya little fella.
no!
It's the size of your spirit!
mate.
- Can't argue with that.
my brother.
Not the sharpest beak on the block.
- ...not the sharpest beak...
- What?
!
But... there's no better bird to have on your team.
absolutely.
Nice to meet you. 
I'm Valiant.
- Valiant? 
It's good to meet you.
- Let's go!
six to none. they seem to be letting in almost anything with wings.
circling your bottom.
- Oy! 
Who do you think you are?
- I'm Lofty Thadious Worthington Pigeon.
but--
Hello lads!
I trust you've had a pleasant journey. the ride was a bit bumpy on the way in.
check the suspension on that motorbike. that would be nice.
Yeah. 
Yeah.
yeah.
Right after I sprout beak feathers and turn into a flamingo!
feather brains! 
Fall in!
For the next six weeks your tails belong to me.
fly like birds and fight like birds.
I will make birds of you turkeys even if it kills you!
Except you.
sir! or I will personally drum you out of the corps!
funny you should...
I would love to get drummed out.
I was gonna bring it up if you hadn't.
So... leave him alone!
pip-squeak!
I'm more interested in having you all drop and give me 50!
Courtesy of your short little friend here.
Training at last.
wouldn't it be more sporting if the chap who actually committed the infraction-- ow!
welcome to the Royal Homing Pigeon Service.
what was your mission?
And where are these messages coming from?
Ha!
Very well. 
Have it your way.
- You want us to pluck out his feathers?
- And to clip his wings?
Hurt his feelings?
no.
Worse. 
Much worse.
We have ways... of making you squawk.
What kind of birds are you?
Must resist yodeling... music!
one two!
And... halt!
Now fall out and report to the nursing dove.
- Nurses? 
Brilliant!
- Nurses?
- Hello nurse.
- Look at her!
I've been waiting for you.
hey darling?
It just so happens I do have something for you.
Did you hear that?
Is this what you had in mind?
it's awfully big.
You're kind of short for a nursing dove.
Look who's talking!
I'd say you're kind of short for a carrier pigeon.
- I'm Valiant by the way.
- All right then Valiant. 
I'm Victoria.
I know you lads have had a tiring day.
What you need is a nice relaxing shower.
Then I'll treat you to a fancy dinner.
We'll get you a little feathercut.
Set you up with some uniforms.
Oh. 
Beg your pardon.
- Did that hurt?
!
- Did that?
That's it!
Come here!
And we'll all turn in for a good night's sleep.
So this is where the smelly rotten bits of disgusting refuse are dumped.
And our sleeping quarters would be where?
I'll never sleep in here.
this isn't so bad.
just like home.
I've had enough!
Speak!
4121444444697.
Bring me the truth serum.
Right away.
come on.
and we will know... everything!
I'll never talk! 
Never! 
Never!
Wakey wakey!
You bird brains are Squad F. You know what that means?
- Squad Fantastic!
- I've got it! 
Squad Formidable!
Philosophical!
No!
It means you are the fliers... of the future.
is to make you the carrier pigeons of today.
Good maneuver. 
It might help if you kept your eyes open.
Bugsy. because this is the third time this week you've been to see me.
don't you worry.
danger is our business.
we spit danger in the eye.
I can take it.
- And where do you come from?
- West Nestington.
uhm... close to the west of it actually.
Valiant!
so...
Good bye.
wait!
As homing pigeons it's our duty to transport messages. mother nature has the audacity to create a little something called...
The Falcon.
measuring five of your wing spans.
at speeds in excess of 200 miles per hour.
But not to bite. 
Not yet. and scoop you up in their razor sharp talons.
you'll have but a split second to recognize... friend from foe.
Friend or foe?
- Foe! 
- Foe!
- No!
it's a pigeon!
Friend or foe?
friend!
- That's friend! 
Or maybe... yes!
Friend or foe?
yes. 
My friend.
100.
101.
102!
a pigeon must have the strength to carry his message capsule.
He must have the speed to fly like the wind.
Evasive action!
He must have the agility... to outmaneuver the enemy. flying long distances over raging seas.
- Me again.
- Valiant.
my favourite!
How did you know?
The parrot says to me "How about we do a loop to loop?
I can't do a loop to loop.
I'm afraid of heights!
You?
!
Afraid of heights? 
That's ridiculous!
but not to me.
that's it.
- Come on!
- Afternoon Monty!
- Hello Guts. 
What news?
Not good I'm afraid.
We just lost Squadron E over Belgium.
That means these new recruits are our only chance.
And they'll have to leave tomorrow.
You can't be serious. 
They haven't even finished their training.
Attack formation... 
Steady... but those are the orders.
Monty old boy. 
Cheers.
so...
So I... 
I suppose you'll be shipping out soon.
this is the moment I've been waiting for!
I'd like to be part of what you come home to.
I don't care if you're a hero.
Just concentrate on the getting back.
lads.
Our losses have been heavy. 
Catastrophic.
You're all we've got!
we fight for our country. and our bones fed to rabid weasels.
But never mind that. that you pigeons did your part in the heroic battle for...
- Seeds!
- Freedom!
Right! 
You will be Commander Gutsy's support wing.
I expect you to do whatever it takes to ensure the success of his mission.
the message we have been sent to carry is of the utmost importance.
The outcome of the war could well depend on it.
We pigeons have never been entrusted with a more critical or dangerous mission.
May you fly straight! 
And may your instinct guide you home.
- What did Gutsy mean by "highly dangerous"?
- I don't know. 
But I can tell you this.
I am a bird of principle.
And my number one principle is... don't get involved with anything called "highly dangerous"!
And I will never violate my core beliefs.
Do not ask me to violate my core beliefs.
You're talking to the wrong pigeon.
point of clarification please.
Regarding the highly dangerous mission.
Stinky.
uh...
And I truly regret that I have but one life to give for my country.
love to die. 
Uhm...
Can't. 
Not Sunday. 
Bad for me.
listen... but I do object.
Get back to the barracks!
Now!
Do I still have to go on the dangerous mission?
- Now!
- Yep.
I do.
- Now!
mate.
what do you mean fl-- son.
you'll break up the team!
Team? 
I'm not a team player.
Old bug buster plays solo.
but why are you staying?
it's our duty!
Ohoh! 
Hold on! 
Sorry!
Have I missed something?
Did we start this? 
No.
Did we make those?
Or those?
mate.
And it's not a pretty sight.
The truth is...
I'm scared. 
Alright?
Don't tell them that.
'cause I'll... 
I'll deny it.
then come with me. 
Yeah.
Trafalgar Square will be ours. 
Come on!
But we didn't make Trafalgar Square either.
And where do we go when they start dropping bombs there?
I'm staying. 
I'm doing my bit.
mate.
yeah?
- What's happenin'?
- What's going on?
I guess this is farewell.
All right?
Bugsy.
and...
I better catch the wind while it's blowing.
yeah?
!
You know where I'll be!
take your places!
Our mission is to be dropped behind enemy lines in occupied France.
To make contact with the French resistance.
To get a vital top secret message and bring it back here by sundown tomorrow.
Good luck. 
The fate of the freedom loving world depends on us.
Wait!
Bugsy!
You can't go without me!
I can't let you get all the glory!
lads.
Bugsy! 
Thanks for coming back!
- Ah! 
I'll tell you the truth.
It's the first worthwhile thing I've ever done.
Lofty?
yes. 
I-- what?
can you believe that we're the ones they pick to send on the most important mission in World War II?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Me too!
I'm not a good singer anyway.
Always off key.
Enough already!
You've been jabbering for days!
okay I'm talking. like... cause it's for boys.
Now I realise that I love...
Shut up! 
Shut up!
I demand better treatment I mean the mice don't treat me like this! with their fabulous view over the harbour.
The last time I was in the attic in St. Pierre...
St. Pierre?
the truth serum is genious.
Cover his cage!
what is your favourite colour?
Pink!
or a pastely pink. none of the rinky dink pinks.
Excuse me.
I like pink too.
Valiant!
Stiff upper beak.
get ready to drop!
Are you ready to drop?
I think I've dropped already!
fellows!
I'd be worried if you weren't.
but you'll get used to it!
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
It's jammed!
let me help you!
- No! 
Go now! 
That's an order!
sir.
get out of there!
come on.
Hello? 
Hello? 
A little help chaps?
we'll get you out of there now.
I dare say it could've been worse.
my.
old chap.
this.
- But at least we're all in one piece.
- Not quite all.
- Where's Gutsy?
- He was still in the plane.
What do you mean he was still in the plane?
His cage got stuck. 
I... that's it!
We're dead! 
We're finished!
It's been a good run. 
Nice knowing you.
ol' boy.
I'm sure he made it out.
he's going to come and find us any minute now.
And give us the plans for the mission.
- Then who has the backup plan?
- You want the backup plan? 
Uhm.
- We die. 
That's the backup plan.
- But I'm not ready to die!
- Am I ready? 
No one's asked me!
- So many books to read! 
Regrets! 
Why?
That's it. 
We're dead.
Thank you very much.
Everyone be quiet. 
Quiet!
We need a plan.
And the plan is...
Is to find a safe location to plan the next move.
uh... make a plan?
Come on.
France is spooky.
Vive la France!
Quiet! 
Did you hear that?
There's someone in there!
Somebody better go and have a look.
I'll go.
let's go.
just pull yourself together.
There's nothing in here.
the pigeon-eating falcons.
Pigeon-eating falcons!
here we go.
thanks guys.
- Vive la France!
non?
sir.
Mouse Division.
am I glad to see ya.
I'll tell ya. 
How did you not find us?
there was the plane and the explosion.
and the pleading.
boohooing...
- And...
- Enough about that.
definitely. 
Yeah.
Ah... 
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am Charles De Girl.
De Girl? 
Why do they call you De Girl?
Because I am a girl.
The one and only girl.
- I like France.
- Do you speak French?
uh...
- Does "o l・I・ mean anything to you?
Or "va va voom!" Oh yeah!
Does bonjour...
All right! 
We don't have time for this!
we have a mission.
monsieur!
This is Rallo.
He is an expert in sab--
Sabotage.
Sabotage!
non. 
Rollo!
stop!
Pardon. it is our national custom to...
- Break the bread?
- And cut the cheese!
but we just don't have time to eat.
And anyway we're birds...
- We don't eat cheese.
- We don't?
about that message.
- We will take you to it.
But the road is dangerous.
And guarded by the enemy falcon.
But this cannot be a problem for such highly trained pigeons.
oui?
you see... not squad B.
Squad C?
So then... you are squad D!
squad D was never really all it was cracked up to be.
I will not lie to you...
You will definitely be eaten the falcons.
Wow. 
That was some fine fromage.
- Can you burp on cue?
- Yeah.
not just Q. Watch this...
A. B. C.
Shhh! 
Be silent!
The falcons!
I say!
Excuse me.
Come on.
Falcons!
All clear!
Stop that!
Squad F... this is invigorating.
English pigeons! 
Fly!
girl.
- Dirty bird!
mademoiselle.
this one!
There they are!
Faster!
Sabotage!
To the right!
Over there!
I am going to get you!
De Girl!
This is it!
I must do the secret knock.
- Who is it?
- De Girl.
there is no time!
black sheep. 
Have you any?
Wine?
that is yesterday's password.
- Cheese?
- No.
no.
- Petunias?
- No.
Falcons!
Jacques!
- Let me give you le message.
- You can give me "le massage".
Can you make sure it's a full body massage.
Message! 
The message that is to go to London.
Our freedom depends on it.
And... who will carry them?
Wait. 
I'll take it.
- Bugsy?
- Extraordinary!
we'll see now won't we?
Bugsy.
May you fly straight...
And let our instincts guide us home.
Pardon.
pigeons!
farewell.
Absolutely charmed.
Just... one tiny thing.
- How are we gonna get out of here!
- We're trapped!
I've got an idea!
I've got an idea!
Where are they?
Let's go!
it worked like a charm!
- They'll be teaching that one
- at the academy!
- I just hope the others are OK.
Can't count on it!
Evasive action!
Let's go.
Get your claws off him!
I said let go!
I'm the one you want!
you English pigeon!
Bugsy!
Bugsy!
Dinner time!
Bugsy!
Herr General.
But I have... captured their leader!
Leader... assistant leader.
Herr General.
- Get on with it!
May I present you with...
The message! 
Tada.
The high commander will be pleased!
commemorative stamps!
I will personally deliver it to him.
They must be desperate indeed to give the message to this putrid smelling reject.
Dennis! 
You've squished...
He was my favourite.
I am-
- You're-- That's exactly what-- you'll be sick for a week.
you can't...
I've got a doctor's note.
I've got a feather condition!
he may prove useful.
yes. 
Yes.
thank you.
You're very wise.
What do you like? 
Um...
Cards? 
We can play cards. 
Uh...
Find the pebble?
I've got a lovely voice.
There'll be blue birds over...
The white cliffs of... 
Dover.
you don't want...
I was thinking more along the lines of a celebration dinner.
I cook well!
Not I cook well! 
I won't be in it.
I can make dinner.
Bread crumbs! 
You'll love... you haven't tried my bread crumb... bird-seedy thing.
pigeon under glass.
With a lovely Liebfraumilch reduction.
...tickle.
What did you do to him?
mate?
Wa-- wai-- wait a minute now!
It's a feng-shui.
That little bell should be over there!
yeah.
Who was I kidding?
I don't belong here.
I've let everyone down.
Bugsy wouldn't even be here if it weren't for me.
Chaps! 
There's Valiant! 
Look! 
Follow me!
- Valiant!
- Valiant!
- Hey! 
Lofty! 
Toughwood!
- You've made it!
- Chaps!
- Gutsy! 
You're alive!
What happened?
Tell us what happened!
Plane exploded. 
Chute gave out.
000 feet.
Set upon by a pack of wolves.
picked up some shrapnel from a stray grenade.
here we are.
Right! 
We can dispense with the chit chat.
I'm guessing the falcons have acquired the message.
sir.
- Where's Bugsy?
He sacrificed himself to save me.
The falcons got Bugsy and the message.
- Which way did they go?
- That way.
no!
Britannia rules the waves.
will be slaves.
Rule Britannia... pull yourself together.
Snap out of it!
let's find us a way out of here.
there's a way.
Right. 
You chaps sit tight.
avoiding the various clever booby traps and deadly ambushes.
Then subdue any resistance.
And secure the message.
- Absolutely.
- Gutsy by name. 
Gutsy by nature.
I will bathe.
Herr General.
- Join the army you said. 
See the-- 
- I didn't say it.
- You did.
- It was your idea.
no.
I'm afraid it's not as simple as I thought.
This is a highly fortified bunker stuffed to the gills with enemy falcons.
scarcely big enough for a hummingbird.
It's down the barrel of that gun.
I'm afraid it's hopeless.
I'll do it!
Valiant!
Bugsy?
I'm too young to die!
I can't believe it!
- Hey!
- Hey?
- Valiant?
- Bugsy.
Hey! 
The message!
It's in there.
no! 
Red.
Red says strong and decisive!
Red it is!
yes. 
That's what I'm here for.
General.
They're coming!
get down!
I hate capes...
Here goes.
he took the key with him.
I can't!
now get out of here!
Bugsy!
- Go.
Don't! 
Don't do it!
Underlingk?
Underlingk!
Herr General.
My beak brush!
Herr General.
pin on my medals on my cape.
Cufflingk?
Herr General?
Herr General!
I am magnificent!
Valiant! 
They're coming!
- Get him!
- Stop him!
What's going on!
Bugsy!
yes. 
Brilliant!
get up...
What is that repulsive odor?
!
we gotta go! 
Come on!
my lad!
I'll tell you later!
You idiots!
Valiant! 
Bugsy! 
Mercury!
you made it!
sir. 
Safe and sound.
sir.
we have a message to deliver.
Let's make wind!
Those falcons are gonna think twice before they try to mess with us!
Enemy fliers!
Toughwood! 
Tailfeather! 
Figure of 8!
sir!
Well done!
attack formation!
complete the mission!
You know where to go.
Keep it tight now!
Let's go chaps!
little bird.
Wouldn't you like a rest...
In my belly?
So... you are the elite?
The best of the best?
There's more to me than meets...
your eye.
I hope I'm gonna make it.
I think I'm gonna make it.
And I'm going to make it!
pigeon!
early in the morning... back so soon!
And alive! 
Excitable boy!
What the...
Falcon! 
Sound the alarm!
Sound the alarm!
pigeon!
This is where it ends.
You are nothing but a lowly roof pigeon.
You are no match for a Falcon Royal.
It's just as I imagined!
Pieces and shreds!
Valiant!
come on...
- You great ugly...
- ...you dirty falcon!
little birdy.
I may even spare your puny little life!
Just stay calm.
You can do this!
Pip-squeak!
My name is not pip-squeak!
My name is Valiant!
- Valiant!
- Good lad! I have a message to deliver.
That's my boy!
Valiant? 
You've made it?
Valiant pigeon.
I... 
I have a message to deliver.
a change of plan.
We now land in Normandy.
son.
This could mean promotion.
I'm proud of you.
You're a credit to the service.
sorry!
sorry...
- Valiant!
- Well done ol' boy!
mate.
Seeds!
Valiant!
on the house of course.
no. 
I'm the hero. 
You wanna see...
- Will you shut up?
- I was doing alright till you came over.
handsome!
- I say!
- Shall we shake a tailfeather?
- Certainly!
sergeant!
but I'm not available.
But I can't stress enough how available I am.

St. Peter.
I give you a new commandment.
I want you to love one another, as I have loved you.
This way, you will be recognized as My disciples... if you love one another.
Where are You going, Lord?
Peter, where I am going, you cannot follow Me,
You will follow Me later.
And not follow You now?
Why? 
I would give my life for You.
You would give your life for Me?
I say to you, before the rooster crows, you will turn against Me three times.
I would rather die with You, Lord, than deny You.
He's dead.
He's dead!
What happened?
What are you talking about?
- You're too late. 
He's already dead.
- Who's dead?
Jesus, Jesus of Nazareth, the Messiah.
If He's dead, He can't have been the Messiah.
Make way, make way!
Peter! 
Peter!
It's me. 
It's me, your brother.
Come.
Don't be afraid.
- Andrew.
- I looked for you everywhere.
I was afraid that they'd caught you.
Perhaps I deserve to be caught.
What do you mean?
Soldiers!
Peter, come!
Peter, the soldiers are searching the whole city of Jerusalem.
We must leave, Peter, leave the city, or they'll kill us as well.
Isn't what they've done to the Lord enough?
- Murderers!
- What are you doing?
Have you gone mad?
They crucified the Lord, crucified Him like a thief!
- Did you not see?
- I saw!
I saw.
I died with Him.
No. 
No, Peter.
It's you who will lead us.
It's you who must guide us now.
- Yes.
- Yes, it's you.
Where are the others?
They are waiting for you. 
Now.
Peter, we weren't able to protect Him.
I'll never forgive myself.
But why did He not prove to everyone that He was the Son of God?
One word... one word would have been enough.
That's enough now.
Be silent. 
Let Peter speak.
I feared I would never see you again.
We are all here, except for John and Judas.
Judas has hung himself, Peter... a few hours after his betrayal.
He hanged himself from a tree outside the gates of Jerusalem.
May the Lord have mercy on his soul.
Peter, it cannot end like this.
We are many, aren't we?
Let's make ourselves heard.
What do you suggest, Matthias?
A revolt?
- Yes, exactly.
- They will slaughter us.
We cannot allow this, Peter.
James is right. 
We must go to the temple priest in the Sanhedrin and declare our obedience.
What do you think?
You must decide.
Who can that be?
- Can you see?
- John. 
It's John.
John, please tell us, what do you know?
John, what is it?
"This is your son," He said, looking at Mary.
"And this is your mother,"
He said to me.
Yes, to me.
Then... then I heard Him say,
"Father, into Your hands
I commit My Spirit."
And then He said...
What, you were there?
- Peter.
- You were beneath His cross?
Peter, you're alive!
Rise.
It is I who should kneel before you.
I lack the courage to stand by Him like you did.
I do not deserve your trust and I... 
I am not able to answer your questions, but John has given us to understand what we should do now.
Jesus has entrusted His mother to us, and we must look after her while she buries her son.
- Come, Peter.
- No, Magdalene.
Please come.
Oh, please, Mary, do not look at me so gently.
- I don't deserve it.
- My son loved you like a brother.
I was not worthy.
I deserve only sorrow.
The pain you feel depends on the joy that He gave us with His presence.
And what did I do with that?
I left Him.
You could not have prevented what happened. 
No one could.
Do you understand?
This was the design.
He knew this.
He always wanted this.
I abandoned Him.
But He has not abandoned you.
Look for Him, Peter.
Do not stop looking for Him, and He will find you.
He will find you.
Help me, Jesus.
Please help me.
I know I don't deserve it.
I count for nothing now, for I could not even make myself have the courage to ask You to forgive me... but please help me to understand what I must do for my brothers who are alone now without You.
But what are you doing?
Where are you going?
We're collecting all our possessions,
- returning home to Emmaus.
- Me too. 
My family needs me.
But we had decided to wait.
Wait for what?
What else could possibly happen?
It's just more dangerous to stay.
But we need to have faith.
Jesus cannot have left us like this.
Jesus is dead, do you realize?
And who will take care of our families now? 
How will we manage?
You believed in Him and hailed Him as the Messiah until a few days ago.
Maybe we were wrong.
If He died, He was not the Messiah.
What are you waiting for then?
Go! 
Return to your homes!
Out!
Why is he like that?
Peter, calm down.
- Peter...
- I hear this far too often:
"He was not the Messiah."
You know too well that anger is not the solution.
You are the youngest but the wisest.
I apologize.
You are our guide.
You are Peter, as strong as a rock.
Have you forgotten the words of Jesus?
Never for one moment can I forget them.
But above all the rest, there is one memory that torments me.
- He's missing! 
He's gone!
- What are you saying, Magdalene?
Jesus!
The tomb is empty!
Go and see for yourselves if you don't believe me.
Go on!
Go on!
The third day, Peter.
The third day.
Do you remember what Jesus said?
"I must be given into the hands of sinners and be killed to rise again on the third day."
Doesn't this mean that He's alive?
Followers of Jesus!
They're inside the tomb!
- They're inside the tomb.
- No, wait. 
Careful.
What are you saying?
That's blasphemous.
They are followers of Jesus.
They've desecrated the tomb.
They're up there!
Quickly!
Let's separate.
Offerings. 
Offerings for a poor beggar.
Offerings.
Offerings. 
Offerings for a poor beggar.
Please help me.
Help me.
Please help me.
Make an offering.
Peter,
I told you that I would make you a fisher of men.
Master.
He looked like anyone else... a traveler on the road to Emmaus.
But then He spoke and He broke the bread.
Only then did we recognize Him.
It was Jesus.
Peter!
I saw Him too.
A beggar.
I thought He was a beggar, but then I heard His voice.
So He's alive!
He has returned to us!
He has not abandoned us.
He has defeated death for us.
How can you all be so sure?
If Peter says so, I believe in him.
Listen to me, John.
I do not doubt the words of Peter or those of our friends.
Well, then I don't understand.
We would all give our lives to see Jesus again.
We want to see Him again with all of our hearts.
This is the problem.
How can we be sure that this is not just our imagination?
All I can tell you is that it was Him.
I believe you, Peter, but I'm worried for us all.
We have suffered enough, all of us.
May peace be with you.
There now.
As you can see, Pilate, these tents are perfect for your military and can stand all weather conditions.
Of course, Saul, you cannot drink with a pagan like myself.
Your religion forbids it.
You're a Jew, and a pretty zealous one at that.
I would say that I am fervent.
The problem is that there are Jews and Jews.
- Sorry, I don't understand.
- The body of that crucified Nazarene has vanished from the sepulcher, and now his followers are spreading the news that this Jesus has risen from the dead and hence is the Messiah, the Son of God.
They must have stolen the body to spread this rumor.
I don't know how they could have done it.
I had placed guards there.
They're impostors.
I know, but some people believe it, giving way to doubts, false hopes, and above all, unrest that I have to quell.
They betray the faith of my people, and what I hate the most is that they take advantage of the ignorance of simple people.
Mmm.
I agree with you, but I have to govern in a foreign land.
I need to be extremely careful.
I cannot openly take sides.
Saul, you at least are able to fight them openly.
You can use a sword.
You're a Jew.
Your people listen to you.
It is precisely to defend my people that I will go fight the followers of this Jesus mercilessly.
There he is!
There he is!
- Peter, tell us it's true!
- He's risen!
There He is!
Peter! 
Peter!
Peter!
Is it true?
What you are saying is true!
It's true!
Yes! 
Yes, it's true, Matthias!
It's all true!
Jesus is alive!
He's among us once again, in flesh and blood!
We must tell everyone.
We must shout the news from the rooftops of Jerusalem...
- Yes! 
Yes!
...with all of our strength.
- Yes!
- Calm down, calm down, calm down.
We must first face the priest of Sanhedrin to avoid the conflict.
But Jesus spoke to the people in the squares, not in the Sanhedrin.
Jesus is the Messiah, but what are we?
Can't you see all the soldiers in the streets? 
We need to be prudent.
It's true. 
We're being accused of...
"Have you stolen the body of Jesus?"
It doesn't matter.
We will tell everyone the truth... that Jesus is alive once more.
Yes, but how?
How will we prove this?
We do not need to prove anything to anyone.
We must only tell the truth without fear, without fear, without fear!
John is right!
John is right!
It really happened!
It really happened!
Let us tell everyone that Jesus has risen!
And then? 
What will Jesus ask of us?
What is His design?
Peter! 
Peter, what do you think?
- Peter?
- Peter?
Where has he gone?
Come on!
Stand back!
Stop now.
Go.
I know you.
You are one of Jesus's disciples.
You're mistaken.
Leave me alone.
Are you the Son of God?
Yes, I am.
Why do you deny it when I've seen you with Him?
It was not me.
I've told you, you are mistaken.
Take him to Pilate.
You were at the Mount of Olives.
You were with Jesus.
You are one of His followers.
I do not know Jesus.
How must I tell you?
I've never seen him before.
Forgive me.
Forgive me.
This way.
- Come on.
- Wait here.
Stand over here.
Peter... they really need you.
They're all here.
I cannot guide you.
Don't you understand?
Leave me alone.
Go!
Peter, what are you saying?
You must not abandon us.
I have...
I have reneged Him.
I have reneged the living God... three times.
I didn't even have the courage to confess it to my family, my brothers, my sons.
Perhaps there is only one thing that I know how to do now... fish.
What is he saying?
Come on.
Come on, let's go.
Jesus had predicted that, you remember, and I swore not to renege Him, to have died with Him.
Peter, we were all confused.
- We were all afraid.
- Perhaps I would have done the same.
But you were there with Him.
You did not leave Him.
You did not betray Him.
You too were afraid.
And Jesus, was He not afraid?
I saw the fear in His eyes as they led Him away, and I left Him alone.
I said I did not know Him as He faced the cross.
Yes, He...
He, among all of us...
He's the one I reneged.
But He has returned.
He also returned for you.
No.
I do not deserve His trust nor yours, and I no longer trust myself.
I trust you.
I too trust you.
- I trust you.
- I trust you too.
I trust you, Peter.
I trust you too, Peter.
Peter, not a single fish today.
It is not our lucky day.
Why don't you throw your nets on the starboard side?
Did you hear what that guy said?
Yes, the starboard side.
You can tell that man has never been fishing in his life.
Do as he says.
But it's absurd.
That's not the way to fish.
Everyone knows that.
Throw the net on the starboard side!
It's a miracle!
It's the Lord!
Look, it is Him!
It is Jesus!
Be careful!
Peter!
Peter, what are you doing?
Wait!
You trusted Me.
So, do you love Me, Peter?
- Oh, Lord...
- Do you love Me, Peter?
Of course I love You.
You know that.
Do you love Me more than anyone else?
Three times You asked me, Lord... three times... the same number of times that I denied You.
You know everything, Lord.
I love You more than my life.
Then tend to My flock.
You must protect them in My name.
It is your task.
I failed You, Jesus.
I failed You.
This is also why I've chosen you, and why I choose you once again.
But in truth I say to you, when you were young, you dressed yourself and you went where you pleased, but when you grow older, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will dress you and lead you
where you do not wish to go.
So be it, Lord.
So be it.
Follow Me.
You will all bear witness to Me in Jerusalem, in all of Judea and Samaria, and to the furthest corners of the earth.
And how shall we manage that, Jesus?
How shall we bear witness?
Bring Me your kinsmen and people.
Lead them to Me with your words and your actions, and lead them to Me the same way you came to Me now.
In the water, like baptism.
Go and baptize in the name of the Father, of the Son and the Holy Spirit, and I will be with you every day until the end of time.
Many of Jesus's disciples are returning to Jerusalem to join Simon, better known as Peter, to start all over again with the rantings about the so-called Son of God.
Now they're even saying that He's alive, that He has risen from the dead.
This is an indecency!
They still haven't given up!
It is now obvious why they stole Jesus's body.
It is so we would believe He is immortal.
And of course, he will continue his preachings and create unrest.
This is true.
The followers of Jesus are a menace to Israel.
Rome is watching for the first signs of an uprising so that they can send over more troops to crush us.
They will crush us.
This time we have to stop them immediately, before the situation gets out of hand.
I think it would be unjust to condemn them before having listened to them, before having a clear idea of their intentions.
Master, right now Peter and his followers are our enemies... and you yourself taught me, Gamaliel, that it is not prudent to wait when you're faced with an enemy.
This is true, Saul, but I also taught you that only God knows His enemies.
Of course, but we have the duty to fight God's enemies when they are proved to be such, and I am ready to do this.
I will not rest until I have succeeded.
Many have come for the harvest festival... many more than I could have imagined.
The temple will be crowded.
We may not have room for them all.
This is not what worries me.
Are you thinking of Peter and his disciples?
This is a festivity celebrated by all Jews.
They will not miss this opportunity.
They will try to make converts of all these people.
Then they will have to come out into the open.
This is what I hope.
There are many of our soldiers guarding Jerusalem.
They will not go by unnoticed.
Oh! 
Be careful, little one.
What is your name?
You cannot speak?
My name is Andrew.
He's Stephen.
And what is yours?
Of course he didn't answer.
He couldn't understand.
I wonder where they came from.
Perhaps Mesopotamia.
Do you understand what we are saying, Peter?
How could we bear witness to the word of the Lord to the corners of the earth?
How will we make ourselves understood?
None of us speaks any other languages.
Andrew is right.
No one had thought of that.
Did you think it would all be easy?
My brothers, each person who is a Jew like us,
wherever in the world he may be born, whatever language he may speak, has the right to know that the Messiah we were waiting for has finally arrived.
But how will we make ourselves understood by everyone?
All I know is that we must stay united, as Jesus asked, and He will never abandon us.
Remember?
"Where there are two or three people assembled in My name...
I am with them."
Mommy!
Where's my mommy?
- What's wrong, my child?
- I got lost.
- What's happened?
- I can't find my mother.
How many times do I have to tell you?
You must stay close to me.
- I understood what they were saying.
- So did I.
People of Judea, listen.
Listen to me.
Jesus has risen from the dead.
God has resurrected Him!
Jesus, the Messiah, has risen.
He has defeated death!
He has defeated death because love... love defeats death.
The Lord said unto us,
"In My last days,
I will bestow My spirit upon each person."
And then He added,
"Whoever invokes the name of the Lord will be saved."
Thus, let yourselves be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ and thereby receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Baptize me, Peter, in the name of the Lord.
I too want to be baptized.
Glory be to the Lord.
Everyone! 
Everyone understood your words, Peter!
Yes, and I too, I too can speak to everyone and understand everyone.
It is a gift from our Lord.
It is the Holy Spirit answering all our questions, all our fears.
Peter, Peter.
Do not worry.
He's not here to harm us.
I wish to be baptized.
Explain to him why he cannot be baptized.
My name is Lucius.
I've wanted to be one of you for some time.
Today I found the courage to ask.
But you are a pagan.
He is a pagan.
He's not a Jew.
God wishes us to speak to our own people...
Jews like ourselves.
Our law doesn't even permit us to enter the homes of non-Jews, let alone sit at their tables.
But you spoke to everyone, and everyone understood you...
Elamites, Greeks, and people from Egypt.
Our Jewish brothers are everywhere, everywhere in the world.
My words were addressed to them, only to... only to them.
I'm sorry.
Peter, they want to be baptized, and there are many of them.
Shall we baptize them immediately?
We cannot wait.
We must remain prudent.
There are guards everywhere.
You must split up into groups and lead them out of Jerusalem.
Take them to the watering holes, outside the walls?
- Shall we baptize them there?
- The Lord be with you.
Be prudent, please.
Thank you.
Are we not going to arrest them?
No, not yet.
There are too many of them, and some might react.
I do not want bloodshed today, not on a feast day.
So do we just let them go?
Do not take initiative.
Follow from a far distance.
I only want to know what they're doing.
What about you?
I will follow Peter.
He is the one I fear the most.
Of all places, you want to go to the temple?
It is where the people of Israel pray... our people.
I must announce to them the resurrection of Jesus, to them too.
- A little help...
- It could be dangerous.
After all that happened today, nothing can happen to us.
It is nevertheless a decision that I must make by myself.
- I trust your decision.
- Stand by me.
My brothers... people of Israel,
I beg you, listen to me.
And why should we listen to you?
What more do you wish to say to the people of Israel that they have not heard already from Abraham and Moses?
That Jesus is the Messiah that the people of Israel have been waiting for.
- Impostor!
- Out of here, you liar!
Do you hear them?
Do you hear what your people think of you?
You are an impostor, and do you know the punishment for those who lie in temple?
For me, the greater punishment would be not to speak the truth.
Bless me.
I beg of you.
I can't walk.
Take that and leave!
I have no silver, no gold, but I can give you the love of Jesus of Nazareth.
Stand up and walk.
Do you take us for fools?
It's only a trick!
You two had agreed to do this.
Soldiers, take them!
We must leave, quickly.
- I've cured him.
- Quickly.
Like Jesus used to do, I've cured him.
To the Sanhedrin.
Take him before the Sanhedrin to face judgment.
You! 
You are the ones who stole Jesus's body!
You stole it so you could say He had risen from the dead.
Jesus really rose from the dead.
I saw Him with my own eyes.
I heard His voice.
I touched His hands with my own hands.
This is a lie and God will punish you for that!
But first, it is the law of Israel that will punish you.
You are just frauds who take advantage of the simple nature of others to steal their possessions.
I baptize you, Jeremiah, in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
They are making converts.
We must warn Saul.
You must swear to stop spreading your doctrine.
I cannot speak against the truth, the truth that Jesus has risen from the dead.
Arrest them!
Wait.
Lf... what these two men say is false, that means their doctrine does not belong to God and therefore will dissolve in thin air.
If instead their doctrine comes from God, we'll be unable to stop them.
But we cannot wait.
It is necessary to arrest them for the good of Israel.
Is it for the good of Israel that we should find ourselves fighting against God?
If any among you want to run the risk of assuming a position against God, he should please step forward and assume responsibility for requesting
Peter and John to be incarcerated.
Let them go.
Master...
Master, this time I'm not in agreement with you.
A frequent occurrence lately.
Peter is dangerous!
He's able to exert an exceptional influence over others.
Forgive me, but perhaps he has influenced you too.
You are a brave man, Saul, and you are also honest and loyal, but you change completely when facing Peter and the disciples of Jesus.
- L...
- It almost seems as if you were afraid of them.
What are you so frightened of?
What is it you hide within your heart?
Saul.
They are giving baptism to many, just as Peter ordered.
- This is what I feared.
- He is a leader now, and perhaps he will soon pass himself off as the Messiah.
It's dangerous to touch Peter at the moment.
Gamaliel's on his side, as well as many others.
They may want to revolt, and that is precisely what we must avoid.
What do you intend to do then?
We must lower our sights.
You, stop.
- What can I do for you?
- Do you know Simon, also called Peter?
Do you not?
Of course.
I know him well.
And he ordered you to give baptism.
Your friend Peter is saying that Jesus has risen from the dead, and that He is the Son of God.
As everyone knows, there is only one God.
If He had a son, there would be two.
It is blasphemy.
But perhaps you don't agree with Peter.
Warn Peter.
Yes.
Come with me.
Citizens of Jerusalem, come here.
Let's listen to what this young follower of Jesus of Nazareth has to say.
- Peter, Peter!
- What?
Run, quickly!
Stephen is in danger. 
Hurry!
Jesus came to remind us of the teachings of the law of Moses...
"Love God, listen to His prophets, practice justice..."
That's enough of all that nonsense!
Answer me, do you believe Jesus to be the Son of God?
Jesus is the Son of God.
For our salvation, He died and rose from the dead.
You all here have heard.
This man has blasphemed.
He must be punished and stoned for this.
You still have time to retract that.
I have nothing more to say!
Stone him!
Is there anyone here who agrees with Stephen?
Does anyone wish to be stoned with him?
Stone him!
Stone him!
Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.
Do not blame them for this sin.
What have you done?
- What have you done?
- He blasphemed.
He said Jesus was the Son of God.
He spoke the truth.
Jesus is the Son of God.
The time is right.
Let's stone him as well.
No.
I need him alive.
Arrest him.
The money we have gathered has provided food for many.
We can still do much more.
What happened?
Stephen... they have killed him.
And Peter, he's been arrested.
Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom...
Hmm. 
I know that you hate me but I can show you a way out for yourself and for the followers of your Messiah.
These are the conditions of your release.
Read it.
I do not know how to read.
So you cannot read.
And you expect to preach in the temple?
To teach your faith to all the Jews?
Let me tell you what is written:
You deny everything.
You admit that Jesus did not rise from the dead, that you stole His body from the sepulcher.
And you swear you will never preach His name again.
This way you will save all your...
I've already denied Jesus.
I will not repeat my mistake.
I wanted to save you.
You are so stubborn, blinded by your madness.
What if you are the ones... who are blind?
This way. 
Follow me.
Come on.
This way.
This way.
Stop!
Go on, move along.
Move along.
Followers of Jesus, for you it is over.
Everyone out!
Get out of here right now!
Come on, let's get out of here.
You are coming with us, filthy, blasphemous followers of Jesus.
This is the end for you.
What's going on?
Stop it!
Move it!
Let's go!
- Move!
- What's going on?
Don't just stand there!
Move move!
Get going!
Follow the crowd!
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Let's go!
Let's go!
Jeremiah, wait a little longer before leaving. 
Things will improve.
Perhaps, but we prefer to move to Damascus.
It will be a long journey, but it's better than staying here and risking jail.
We fear for our child, but our faith in Jesus remains the same.
May God protect you.
And please be careful.
To Damascus!
The followers of Jesus are also there.
Come!
Any news of my brother?
- I would like to do something.
- We could pray.
Mary is right.
Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. 
Amen.
Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Our Father, Who art in heaven hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done...
Saul.
Saul.
What is it?
Leave me alone!
I have heard that Saul has left for Damascus, but the streets are still full of soldiers.
They could find us any moment now.
I feel as if I am losing my mind like this. 
We are trapped in here, and we don't have any news of Peter.
Perhaps you too should leave Jerusalem, like so many of the others already have.
- We can't leave Peter behind in jail.
- Assuming he's still alive.
That's not possible.
Peter is in jail.
- A few of us could stay behind...
- It is you!
- This must be a miracle!
...to stay in touch with the others.
It's Peter.
At least that's what he says.
Peter!
Peter, it's you!
It's you!
Peter, you're alive!
Are you okay?
What happened?
- Tell us, tell us.
- How did you escape?
- We have been praying for you.
- Did they release you?
How did you manage to persuade them?
I just prayed.
Thank you.
There are not many of us left, Peter.
Many have left.
Their flight is not a defeat.
If the seeds are clasped into one's hands they can never provide fruit, because they need to be spread all over the fields.
Our brothers who have left are now the seeds that Jesus has sown everywhere, and from this moment onwards, we must spread ourselves like seeds.
But no matter where we go, we must be of one heart, one soul.
We will give everything we have to those who are most poor, to those who are most needy, and then together we will break the bread and praise God.
The first sign for us to recognize each other will be the love we show one another.
Love.
The community in Jaffa was pleased to hear you speak, Peter.
Peter?
Did I hear correct?
Are you Simon, known as Peter, the apostle of Jesus?
I am... my name is Cornelius, and you have no idea how happy I am to meet you.
I beg you, come into my home.
You cannot.
He is a pagan.
It is a Roman home, and it is impure.
You... you knew Jesus well.
You were with Him.
And I believe in Him.
I believe in His resurrection.
You're Barsabas.
I have heard you speak about Jesus here in Jaffa.
I listened from a distance.
You are the one who convinced me.
I was speaking to my own people, to the Jews.
I know.
I'm not a Jew.
This is why I'm not permitted to enter your homes,
I cannot take part in your meals.
But I would really like to listen to the word of Jesus from your mouth.
I'm sorry.
We Jews are not permitted to enter the homes of pagans.
It is the law of Moses.
Peter.
Peter.
Do not call impure... all that God has purified.
Peter. 
Peter!
Cornelius.
Do you still wish to welcome me into your home?
With all my heart.
Please, come in.
Peter!
Do not do this.
God has no favorites.
He's pleased with those who love Him and are just, whichever people they come from.
Peter!
Praise be to the Lord.
I have a son in Britannia serving the legions, and this is my family.
This is my wife, Lavinia.
And these are my daughters...
Flavia and Martia.
I am Peter, servant of God.
Peter!
The laws of our fathers forbid us from entering the homes of non-Jews.
You are aware of the laws better than any of us, Peter, and yet...
And yet you baptize Cornelius and his family.
Tell us why.
Jesus bestowed the Holy Spirit upon Cornelius and his family, as He did for us.
It happened before my eyes.
Jesus is our Messiah, the Messiah of the Jews, not of pagans, be they Roman or Greek.
- My brothers.
- Barnabas.
- Saul!
- Murderer!
- Let's get out!
- Let's leave! 
Quick!
- Calm down. 
Please please, be calm.
- Don't move.
Don't move.
Don't move.
Don't you see?
He has come to capture us.
Your eyes.
It was as you said, Peter.
I was blind, but these eyes have seen.
I'm here to beg your forgiveness and that of Jesus.
I wish to join you.
I wish to spread the Lord's word to the four corners of the earth, as you do.
Since you have never seen Jesus or listened to Him, how can you preach and speak in His name?
How?
I think Barsabas deserves an answer.
I did see Him.
Jesus spoke to me on the road to Damascus.
It was when my eyes could not see.
At the very moment, Peter,
He called me to this.
And now I am here to ask your permission to obey Him... to ask your help, to understand better.
What were His teachings?
I want to hear the voices who listened to His voice, follow the example that follows His example.
Saul...
Saul no longer exists.
Now my name is...
Paul.
"Paul"...that means "the smallest."
Because I am the last among you.
Welcome to our group, Paul.
I was right here, getting the nets ready with my brother Andrew, like any other day.
We did not know that our lives were just about to change.
"Follow me, and I shall make you fishers of men."
We just dropped our nets and followed Him.
It was Jesus.
And it was the first time I ever heard Him speak.
What... what was His voice like?
You couldn't mistake it for anybody else's.
It stays inside you like a flame that you could never put out.
I want to ask you something which may compromise our unity which was so dear to Jesus.
I would like you to bring the word of God to all.
You mean, also to pagans?
Yes.
To everybody.
That is precisely what Jesus asked of me when He called me.
The flame.
It was the same voice.
Here.
I baptize you, Lucius, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
You see, Peter?
What did I tell you?
He's baptizing pagans!
Please calm down, Matthias.
How can I be calm?
You have betrayed our law, the law of Moses.
I follow the law of Jesus, and Jesus makes no difference between Jews and non-Jews.
How dare you speak of Jesus, you who never even met Him, who never even saw Him as we did?
I saw Him.
I was at the feet of the cross when Jesus died.
You were under the cross?
So you are one of those who killed Him.
Yes. 
I was one of them.
I met His eyes.
I heard His voice while He forgave us.
He forgave us, the very people who were killing Him!
It was then that I understood that He was the real Son of God.
Lucius is not a believer thanks to my words or yours, Peter.
Lucius believes because Jesus himself gave him the gift of faith, even though he's not a Jew, even though he was one of His executioners.
Who are we, Matthias, to deny him baptism?
Who are you to make a decision that is only ours to make?
You...
you murdered Stephen, and now you baptize one of Jesus's murderers.
Tell him.
Peter, you tell him too!
Calm down, Matthias.
Calm down.
We must all calm down.
This is not the time to quarrel.
Come with me.
I want to show you something.
- Look!
- There he is!
- There he is!
- Peter!
Peter!
Peter! 
Peter!
Peter! 
Peter!
How many of them are Jews?
Not even one.
The people of Antioch no longer confuse us with the Jews.
They have started to call us Christians.
"Christians"?
What does that mean?
Believers in the Messiah, Jesus.
"Christ" is the Greek word for "Messiah."
Stay with us this evening, so you will meet everybody and we will have the chance to talk.
Peter.
Sit down with us.
- That's enough. 
Let us leave now!
- Mathias...
Let us begin to eat something first.
Should we not discuss things?
I do not wish to sit at the same table with a pagan.
I respect traditions!
Never mind, Paul.
Matthias, come.
Come with me.
Let us sit here.
Peter, Matthias, do you not see you're offending these people?
I was just trying to keep from having an argument.
My mission is to unify all of us.
You will never manage to do this if you do not openly and courageously say what is right and what is not.
You cannot expect to please everyone all the time.
If you will not decide for everyone, you will lose us all.
Thank you, Paul.
Thank you for the honesty of your words.
We shall meet in Jerusalem in a month's time to clarify this issue once and for all.
Peter, you are the one who must put an end to this madness.
I have just said it.
We will decide on the best thing to do when we get to Jerusalem.
Yes, but I warn you, it is them or us.
Peter.
Peter.
I'm so happy to see you again.
I needed your presence like a child seeking his mother.
I have a difficult choice to make, a choice which may divide our church forever.
Well, sit down then.
Keep me company while I make the bread.
The Lord always gives those He really loves great responsibilities.
I was 15 years old and I still lived with my parents.
I was waiting to get married to Joseph and preparing my wedding gown.
It was a sunny morning the day I was told.
What does a young girl feel when she discovers she will give birth to the Son of God?
Fear.
Fear, Peter.
Great fear.
I did not know whether to tell my parents or how to tell them or Joseph.
I thought no one would understand, that I would lose them forever.
And instead...
Peter, my brothers, we are all born Jews.
Jesus, the son of God, chose to be born among us.
We cannot retract our laws and all of our traditions.
What would the Messiah say if He saw us baptizing pagans and sharing meals with them?
Maybe they're right, Peter.
We are the ones who saw Jesus, who listened to His voice, who lived with Him.
That is precisely why.
How is it you do not understand?
I know you're defending your laws and your traditions.
That is exactly what I did when I was your enemy.
I stained my hands with blood to defend the laws and traditions of our people, even with Stephen's blood.
But now I ask you, you have heard Peter speak in many different languages.
What do you think this meant?
And what about you, Peter?
You saw the spirit and the Pentecost descend on Cornelius and his family.
- Peter.
- God does not discriminate between people or individuals.
Jesus has demolished all barriers.
What more must he do to make us understand that God's only wish is to accept everyone, absolutely everyone, in one single embrace?
- Peter, l-I believe that...
- That is enough.
It is I who must speak now.
Never again must we impose any particular obligation on those believers who are of pagan origin.
Jews, non-Jews, Greeks, Romans... we must consider them all as our brothers, and as such we should baptize them.
All men are saved in the same manner... by the grace of our Lord.
Everybody may be Christian.
No one here should feel offended or proud.
It is Jesus Who guides our steps, and perhaps even those conflicts that we had will be useful for us to understand better the path He wants to show us.
This should be a lesson for us and for our church in times to come, when the Lord returns.
Peter, I trust Jesus, Who chose you... but it's hard for me to understand.
I don't want to see that sadness in your eyes.
We must act with our hearts filled with joy, like Jesus used to give us.
Have you forgotten?
Do you not remember that joy?
Come with me.
Matthias, come.
What are we doing here?
- What are we doing here?
- We are fishermen, are we not?
Yes, fishers of men, of course, but I never caught a fish in my life.
- Well, neither have I. 
- Get in. 
I will show you how.
I will stay here and I will light a fire, so when you return, we can cook the fish immediately.
We need you here with us.
Get in the boat. 
Stop fussing.
L... 
I...
I can't swim!
Don't be frightened.
If you fall into the water, we'll fish you out.
Don't be afraid.
Come on, get in.
Come on!
We must make sure that they're well-knotted and properly spread under the water.
We've thrown the bait, and now all we have to do is wait.
Matthias, come closer to me.
I want to explain something to you.
- Take the helm.
- What?
Take the helm.
I have no idea.
Now our lives are in the hands of Matthias.
I do not find that being comfortable.
- It does not comfort me either.
- Nor me.
Come on, Peter.
A fisherman in a boat puts his life into the hands of all the others.
Now the waters are still and calm.
There are no waves.
But we know how terrible the sea can be.
And who would have the courage to face it alone?
Who would leave the safety of the shore if he did not have faith in his companions, if he was not sure that they would be ready to risk their lives for him as he would for them?
I want you to come one by one and take the helm for a few moments.
Thank you.
John.
It will be the same when we are scattered.
Each one will have his own helm.
Come, Andrew.
Yes.
And we will follow the course that Jesus has shown us.
There will be only one boat.
- James.
- Come here.
Take the helm.
But we will all be in it at whatever time and wherever we are.
Paul.
We are united as brothers in calm seas, and most of all when the waters are stormy.
Andrew to Thessaly,
Thomas to Syria, Bartholomew to Persia.
And you, Paul?
Where will you announce the word of Jesus?
In a city in which there is a little of Thessaly, a little of Syria... a little of Persia,
- and a great deal more.
- Rome?
Rome.
Do not fear.
I will be prudent.
I, on the other hand, believe you will not.
I hope that this is not the last time we embrace.
- God willing.
- God willing.
Remember, one heart, one soul.
I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Blessed, you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.
Blessed, you who are crying now, because you will be laughing.
I baptize you, Leda, in the name of the Father, of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
I baptize you, Indira, in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
Blessed be you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.
Blessed be you who are hungry now, because you will be satiated.
And they brought along a woman discovered committing adultery.
So to test Him, they asked Him,
"Lord, this woman has been discovered committing adultery.
Now in the law, Moses commands such women to be stoned to death.
What do you say?"
So Jesus turned and bent over and started to write in the sand with His finger.
But they insisted.
They were already holding stones and continued to provoke Him.
He stood up and said,
"Let the one among you who is without sin to be the first to throw a stone at her."
Hearing that, they dropped their stones, and one by one, they all left.
So Jesus remained there alone with the woman.
He asked her,
"Woman, where are your accusers?
Did they not condemn you?"
And she said, "Not one, sir."
And Jesus said,
"Neither do I condemn you. 
Go.
And from now on, do not sin further."
And His voice?
What was His voice like?
It lights a flame in your heart that will never be extinguished.
- What did He write on the sand?
- He was a carpenter, wasn't He?
He must have been strong.
What was His face like?
How did He look at you?
I cannot answer all these questions.
I never lived with Him.
But I have a friend who knew Him better than anyone else.
How many miles have these feet walked?
Even I do not know.
It's time for them to rest a while.
We've grown old, Peter.
You must rest now.
When you were young, you dressed yourself and you went where you pleased.
But when you grow older, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not wish to go.
Follow me.
Peter. 
Peter.
Are you Peter?
Who are you?
My name is Mark.
Paul sends me.
- Paul?
- The Christians in Rome wish to meet you, Peter.
You were the first among the apostles, the rock, chosen by Jesus.
You were the first to have seen Him risen.
They wish to listen to you who lived with Him for so many years.
- Paul is waiting for you.
- In Rome?
Yes, in Rome.
I will show you the way.
Why do you ask me to leave again?
What can I do in Rome?
I'm old, Jesus, old.
You have no idea what it means to be old.
You don't know.
Forgive me, Lord.
Forgive me.
Forgive this...
this stupid fisherman... and allow him the joy of following you.
Are you sure?
- What shall we do without you?
- It's not I who wants it, but Jesus who wants me to.
Take all our greetings to Paul.
You must accompany me with your prayers.
Pray until you see me return.
There she is...
Rome.
An immense city.
I can see it, and I'm frightened by it.
- One gets used to it.
- You think so?
Yes, Peter.
If I didn't know that Paul was there,
I would have already turned back.
Peter.
Peter.
Peter.
Are you asleep?
You couldn't stay awake for one hour?
Peter, the hour has come.
- I must go.
- Where are you going, Lord?
The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinners.
Do not go, Lord.
Death awaits you.
Rise.
We must go.
- Peter.
- Rise. 
We must go.
Peter. 
Peter.
Peter, wake up.
They're opening the city gates.
Welcome to Rome, Peter.
We must go through there.
That is the district where Paul lives.
Even if I could speak every language on earth but did not have love, my voice would have no sound.
And even if I had the gift of prophesy and knew all the mysteries of science... and was endowed with sufficient faith that I could move mountains but did not have love,
I would be... nothing.
We're almost there.
Lay all this aside... anger, passion, malice.
Do not lie to one another.
Here there are no longer Greeks,
Romans, Jews, barbarians, no slaves or freed men, because we are all brothers, all sons of the same Father, because Christ is everything, in everyone.
- Christ.
- Paul of Tarsus,
I declare you under arrest!
You were warned!
Let's go.
Paul!
Paul has done no wrong!
This is not right!
Calm down, Lino, or they'll arrest you too.
Go! 
Go back home! 
Go!
You must all leave! 
Go!
Go home!
Go home!
Mother, I...
- I...
- Silvia!
Where are you going? 
Silvia!
Don't worry, Fulvia.
You'll meet again at home.
Keep moving.
Go on! 
Go on!
Mark! 
You've come back!
- Did you see it?
- Yes, I saw it.
- But who?
- That's Peter.
Come with me.
It's dangerous to stay here.
Lino is a brother.
May the Lord bless your steps, Peter.
A teacher of rhetoric.
He belongs to a noble Roman family.
- Why have they arrested Paul?
- They had warned him not to preach in public.
There will be a trial now.
He risks death.
Take me to him.
They will never let you see him without a permit.
Do not despair.
Gather all the brothers together.
- I wish to speak to them.
- Forgive me for allowing myself to be overcome by despair.
Your arrival here today is a sign from God.
We will wait for you on the other side of the Tiber at our meeting place.
- Mark knows where it is.
- Certainly.
The Vatican Hill.
Thrace! 
Thrace! 
Thrace!
You'll never get him to your party, Flaminia.
I'll give it a try all the same.
- Flaminia.
- Persius.
It is an honor to see you in my arena.
Will you honor me with your presence at my party, then?
Tomorrow evening.
Nero too will be there.
How could I possibly miss it?
Rather, how could we?
My son and I.
Claudius would be the joy of all the young ladies.
And I will ever be more pleased if you bring...
Thrace.
You ask the impossible.
You know that.
Thrace exists only in my arena.
I will permit him to keep his mask if that is the problem.
Thrace doesn't like social events.
He's a slave of yours.
A word from you is enough.
All the gladiators of Rome would do anything for an invitation to my parties.
Thrace is different.
I swore to him that no one would ever know his real name, nor will anyone ever see his face.
I keep my promises, even those made to slaves.
I'm sorry, father.
I, uh... 
I will return immediately.
I must speak to a friend.
Don't you... don't you want to see Thrace win?
But it won't be the first or the last.
- I'll come with you.
- Not now.
- Kill him!
- Death to him!
Kill him! 
Kill him!
Kill him! 
Kill him!
Silvia!
Silvia, what are you doing here?
I know we had sworn never to see each other again,
- but...
- What's the matter?
I...
I need your help.
I understand.
I shouldn't have come.
Silvia.
I'm listening.
Are you wondering where Paul is imprisoned?
Wherever he may be, he is always in my heart.
Our brothers are on their way.
Here they are.
Oh, my brother, you did not leave me alone, did you?
- It's him.
- It's him.
Oh, no, please stand up.
I'm just a man like you.
- You are much more than that.
- You lived with Jesus.
You are the chosen one...
for us all.
It is as if Jesus himself was here. 
It's true.
- You are much more than a mere man.
- You spoke to him.
You heard his voice.
You will have Paul released, won't you?
God sent you here for this.
How will you do that, Peter?
How will you save him?
With a miracle, won't you?
The way Jesus taught you?
Only the power of God can save Paul.
But the trial will be held tomorrow.
If you don't do something to help him, they will sentence him to death.
The Lord will not allow that, will he?
That would be a defeat for all of us.
With these eyes...
I saw the death of our Lord Jesus.
I saw his body in the sepulcher... and the stone that sealed it.
I too feared death, then, like you who fear for Paul now.
I saw Jesus rise from the dead with the same eyes that had seen him dead.
And since then...
I have never never feared.
- Mommy!
- Mother, Mother!
Come.
Come here.
They look like you, Anna.
They look like you.
It's a little untidy.
Oh, it's fine just as it is.
We are slaves. 
We can only offer you this small house.
Daddy, you're back!
- I'm back.
- This is David, my husband.
This is Peter.
He arrived here today.
I know all about him.
I was told on my way here.
Welcome to my home.
I'm honored to have you as my guest.
I've heard that they have arrested Paul.
Mommy, I'm hungry.
I'll make you something to eat right now.
He's tired.
He works so hard.
You must forgive him.
I know the tiredness from hard work.
You feel it even more when you're a slave.
But your husband has you and you have him, and together you have children.
If you feel loved and respected by those you love, then you also feel free.
And most of all, no man is a slave in his own home.
This is your room.
Please rest now.
Dinner will be ready in awhile.
Thank you. 
And...
God bless you.
"What can separate us from Christ's love?
Perhaps circulations, persecutions, and the danger, the swords.
Neither death nor life shall separate us from the love of Christ, the Lord."
Let Paul of Tarsus be shown in.
- My brother.
- Paul of Tarsus, you are charged
- with having preached in public...
- My brother.
...despite the ban imposed by Nero himself as a condition for retaining your temporary freedom after your previous arrest.
It has been a long day, and we are tired.
Well, you have this much time to beg forgiveness from Caesar Nero and to burn incense in honor of his genius, acknowledging him as a divinity who guides and protects all Romans.
Otherwise, you shall be beheaded.
God does not ask one to burn incense... but to love one's neighbor as one loves one's self.
I have entrusted my life to him.
Praise be to the Lord Jesus.
Paul of Tarsus, your yourself pronounce your own death sentence.
Do you not have a lawyer who can advise you?
Thabeus Quintillius, please, allow me to defend...
You're an excellent teacher of rhetoric, Lino, but you're not a lawyer.
And in the absence of a lawyer, this court sentences Paul of Tarsus...
One moment.
I am Claudius Maximus, son of Persius.
I'm a lawyer, and I will defend Paul of Tarsus.
The crime he's accused of is a serious one and is punished with the death sentence.
But, although he's a Jew,
Paul of Tarsus is a Roman citizen, and therefore I request that he be judged personally by the Emperor Nero, a right that every Roman citizen can claim.
This is a miracle.
No one could have hoped for this.
You were right, Peter.
One must have faith in the Lord.
What will happen now?
Now that Claudius has obtained a postponement of the trial,
Nero himself will decide Paul's destiny.
In the meantime, the death sentence is suspended.
- Who is this Claudius?
- He is the son of Persius, a Roman with a great influence over Nero.
Here he comes.
The Lord guides your steps.
I only did my duty.
Claudius, this is Peter.
He lived with Jesus, and he was chosen to guide us.
I'm not a Christian.
I admire you all the more for what you have done.
What do you think he will do at the audience with the emperor?
Nero would never revoke the death sentence.
But he might if my father asked him.
And will you convince him?
I will try.
I would like to see Paul.
Can you help me in this?
I will get you a permit, but... this must remain between you and me.
I'm sorry, but I must go now.
Thank you once again.
May God bless you.
You were wonderful.
I don't know how to thank you.
I know how much it cost you.
It cost me a great deal more not to see you for all this time.
I know, but we have already discussed this.
You and I will never be able to be together.
Nor can we be apart.
You have many more distractions than I do.
Look, if you mean what you saw there...
You weren't ashamed of her, were you?
Of course you weren't.
She's rich and not a Christian like me.
I couldn't care less that you are a Christian.
I don't even care what I am.
Look at me in the eyes and tell me it is all over.
I must go.
My mother is waiting for me.
Silvia, I love you.
L... 
I have already suffered enough.
Please, Claudius, stop it.
Maybe you really do love me, but you didn't even have the guts to tell your father.
Or perhaps something has changed?
I have learned how to wait.
- Without me...
He must've thought... that the post-mortem report would reveal everything. 
Hence, the theft
Whoever Pooja's murderer is, I'II surely have him punished
Not to worry, Mr RahuI. 
It now has to do with the police's reputation
We'II find the killer.
And also Pooja's body
Good morning, sir.
- How many years have you been here?
5 years.
- Five
How many days before Pooja's murder did you leave for the village?
Four days, sir.
- Why?
I received a telegram that my mother wasn't keeping well
How was I to know that this would happen in my absence?
I wouldn't ever have gone, sir.
- Roasted grams?
No, thank you.
- full tummy, I guess
Give me your address in the village.
- Don't suspect him, Inspector
He's my most loyal servant
In fact, you could call him this blind man's support
Mr RahuI, we got to question everyone.
I got to ask you something too
What do you want to know?
- It has to do with your personal life
Whatever. 
Go ahead and ask
Did Pooja have any male friends?
- No
I mean, perhaps someone she must've known before she married you?
Yes. 
Pooja told me the whole truth after our marriage
She had broken off with someone.
- Who was he?
I don't know.
Neither did I try to find out
I Ioved Pooja and had her for myself.
In that lay my happiness
Who else would know about this guy?
- Apart from her, only her father knew
But he died 3 months ago
I'II find out, Mr RahuI
hello, Inspector Khan.
What brings you here?
Mr Karan, I have to ask you questions. 
About RahuI and Pooja
Sure. 
welcome.
- How long have you known RahuI?
About two years now.
- Where did you first meet him?
rahul used to do business with a company I was working for in Europe
We became friends when he happened to come there and we met
He asked me to return to India and work with him
So I came to India and joined him.
Now we're business partners
You must've attended RahuI's wedding?
- No. 
I was in Europe at the time... and rahul's always hasty in everything he does
So he fell in love and got married instantly
tell me something. 
Was Pooja in love with someone, before their marriage?
What...?
- Was she having an affair with someone?
I had never even seen Pooja before their marriage, Inspector
So how can I tell you about her so-caIIed lover?
You can't tell me...
but we can find out
You're asking me questions as if I were the guilty one!
What way of question is that?
- No, this is hardly the way... my way is even more dangerous
When I start working on 'em, I make even the dead sing
I must leave now.
But let me tell you something... if there is something you know, don't hide it
Because withholding facts from the Iaw is also an offence... roasted grams?
No, thanks.
- Okay, Mr RahuI
Karan, what's up?
You called my house and my office... and now you drag me out of the movie-haII. 
Is everything all right?
Right now, yes. 
Not in the future.
- I don't understand
rahul's wife committed suicide.
And someone vanished with the body
I read it in the newspapers.
What's this all about?
The police are behaving with me in a manner that suggests I'm the killer!
They're suspecting me and I'm innocent!
I told you, I'm innocent.
- So why're you getting worked up?
Look, the cops can harass an innocent man... but they can't have him punished.
Don't worry, I'm with you
And listen, don't do anything without consulting me, okay?
Ask your Papa to behave with me, Pooja.
- What has he done?
I called four times last night.
Four times
And all the four times, he heard my voice and slammed the phone
Later he just kept the receiver aside.
- You're being funny, Karan
What else will Papa do if you keep calling at 3 in the morning?
I can phone Pooja any time I want to... my love isn't dictated by watches!
I'II phone whenever I want to, I'II meet you, whenever I think of you
I am in love with you !
And love isn't a time-bound job!
calm down, Karan. 
It's okay.
It's not such a big issue. 
relax...
I'II go and place an order for the food. 
Cheer up
Sorry, ma'am
It's okay, no problem.
- I'm really sorry
It's all right.
- I'm really sorry
What happened?
Isn't this the hand you touched my Pooja with?
But I said sorry to her.
- will it do if I hit you... and say sorry to you...?
- But I...
Sorry! 
Sorry!
Sorry! 
Sorry!
Karan ! 
Stop it!
How dare you touch Pooja?
I'II carve you to pieces!
How dare you touch Pooja...?
I'II take you apart!
Pooja...?
Sorry, sir. 
You're not allowed in this building anymore
Mr Sharma's orders.
- I see
What are you doing, mister?
Don't honk so loudly!
I'II get the sack!
I beg you, sir!
Hey boy... stop it!
Stop making that noise!
until Pooja comes down, this noise is not stopping
I'm not going to let you meet Pooja!
- Who're you stop me?
I...? 
I'm Pooja's father!
- And I'm her lover
So you want to flex your muscles?
- I'm here to love
You are the one flexing muscles.
- InsoIent!
You haven't the manners to talk to your elders?
I'm not insolent. 
You are.
- Stop it, Karan ! 
That's enough !
Stop creating a scene in the building!
- Sorry, Pooja
tell your Papa not to be so rude with his future son-in-Iaw
My future son-in-Iaw? 
You?
!
- please, Papa... come with me
Come on, please.
- I've come to meet you, Pooja... and you're going away?
- I'II leave Papa home and come back
Stay right here.
- No Pooja! 
I won't let you meet him!
please come up with me, Papa.
C'mon... please
Stay right here. 
I'II come back.
- I simply can't understand, my child!
Was this the madman you had to fall in love with?
I'II handle it, Papa. 
Don't worry.
Forget him
Hey watchman... come here
Didn't you see that...?
How much she loves me!
When she comes down, I'II drive with her on the bike... away from the old man's house!
- But I don't think she's coming
What did you say?
Stay indoors, Papa.
I'II see him off and return
please, my child.
Don't encourage that lunatic
You don't know him, Papa. 
He won't leave until he has met me!
I'II go and make him see reason.
please let me go, Papa
Pooja!
- worthless chap!
You even come here, shameless creature?
Do you want me to call the police?
Watchman, where has Karan gone?
- He has gone upstairs
Why didn't you stop him?
- How could I, madam?
He tied me up and slipped away!
Are you not going to leave my house?
- I'm not in your house, sir
I'm standing outside.
Rather you go in
InsoIent...
- please, sir
Papa! 
Papa...
You hit my Papa? 
I hate you, Karan !
Go away!
I didn't do anything, I swear!
He fell on his own, Pooja
I hate you ! 
Go away!
- please...
What have you done?
- You thought I had hit your father
And I've punished my hand. 
Look.
- You're losing blood, Karan... come on inside. 
I'II bandage it.
- No, I'm not coming
You come with me.
- I'm not leaving my Papa!
Do you understand?
Go away now!
Go to a doctor immediately
You're worried about me, aren't you?
But you won't go with me. 
That's okay
Sir, you'II find thousands willing to marry your daughter
But you will never find someone who loves her as much as I do
You'II find many who will spend all their money... but not a single one who will shed his blood like me
And if you do, don't think too much... just get her married to him
Bad for your health.
What are you thinking about, Karan?
Love, romance...
it's such a load of nonsense!
Didn't you see? 
She didn't come with me last night!
Don't lose your head, Karan.
If she didn't go with you... it doesn't mean she doesn't love you.
- If she loved me... she'd had left her father to go with me... with me!
Her father's a heart-patient, you know?
- So?
Won't she get married just because he is a heart patient?
Is she going to remain a spinster?
She will indeed get married. 
But a girl needs a Iot more than love... to get married.
A nice house, money
Know what? 
Earn money and buy a house. 
Start a business
Pooja will then happily marry you
As for her father, he will have no reservations either
Get it?
"I'm her love..."
"and she's my romance"
"She's not just any other girl.
She means the life to me"
"In her heart, I must possess her every moment"
"To that sweetheart, I must say every moment..."
"that I'm her love and she's my romance"
"She's not just a girl, she means the life to me"
"Her fragrance still lingers on my breath..."
"how her memories torment me"
"My breath, my heartbeat...
she's the one I'm obsessed with"
"When I pine, she gives me succour..."
"for her alone is the season of love"
"I'm her sobriety, she's the one who causes my daze"
"I'm her love and she's my romance..."
"she's not just a girl.
She means the life to me"
"Her beautiful face is etched in my eyes..."
"my memories are all about her"
"I march on, for she's my goal..."
"I must have her no matter what"
"In my heartstrings, hers is the melody..."
"she's my beloved, she's my sweetheart"
"I'm her peace, and she's my restlessness"
"I'm her love, she's my romance..."
"she's not just a girl, she means the life to me"
Hey mister... sir...
- Hi
I'm going to meet Pooja.
- But she got married a year ago
What?
- She doesn't live here anymore
And Mr Sharma...?
- He died a few months ago
Oh Karan, I had to lose my eyesight and I did. 
well, never mind about me
tell me about yourself.
Did you meet your Iady-Iove?
No.
- No? 
Why?
Forget it.
- Forget it?
You worked so hard so you could win over your love... and now you say forget it?
- What else can I do, RahuI?
What...?
What's the matter with you, Karan?
I've been ditched, RahuI
I didn't stay away for a day more than 2 years
And she got married a year ago.
She couldn't wait another year for me
I'm sorry, Karan.
- That's okay
You have really been wronged
But you mustn't shed tears for such unfaithful girls
So let me cheer you up and introduce my wife to you
Sweetheart...
- Coming, RahuI
She's come even without being called
"I'm her love..."
"she's my romance"
"she's not just a girl, she means the life to me"
Pooja, this is my friend Karan.
And Karan, this is my sweetheart Pooja
hello! 
I can't hear a thing!
Am I also going deaf...?
where are the two of you?
Karan, haven't you liked my Pooja?
- No
No?
- I mean, she's very nice
Very nice? 
C'mon. feIIer!
Is that all you can say?
She's beautiful!
Why didn't you wait for me, Pooja?
Why did you deceive me? 
Why...?
Who is it...?
hello.
- hello, Saxena...?
This is Karan here.
- Karan?
It's so late in the night.
Is everything okay?
Someone has planted Pooja's jewellery in my house. 
What am I to do?
I'm a nervous wreck!
So someone wants to frame you in this case
Who could it be?
- How would I know?
But you haven't told anyone about the jewellery, have you?
No.
- So call RahuI and tell him everything
I tried a couple of times, Saxena.
No one's taking my calls
In that case, leave the jewellery at RahuI's place... just as someone left it at your door.
I'II handle the rest, okay?
Are you sure there won't be a problem?
- Do as I say right now
And do me a favour, please.
Let me sleep in peace, okay?
hello?
- hello, Mr Karan?
Yes? 
Who's this?
- I'm calling from the City hospital
Your friend RahuI has been admitted here
What happened to him?
- Come immediately. 
It's an emergency
I'm coming over
We're really from the police, sir.
believe us and give us your statement
How am I to believe that you are really the police?
No, after what happened last night, I can't trust anyone
One moment. 
I'II convince him in a moment... hold this
What are you doing?
- Even cops have to bow sometimes
There... feel it.
It's a police badge
We're really the police.
- Skip the nonsense!
hello, Mr RahuI.
- Mr Khan ! 
So good to hear your voice!
please tell them. 
I'II issue a statement only when Karan arrives
Sure, sure.
- Thank you
rahul... what happened?
- Come to me, Karan !
How did you get those bruises?
- Someone attacked me last night!
Attacked you? 
What for?
- I don't know who got into my house
We had a scuffle and I don't know how I saved myself from him... and locked myself in the bathroom.
- Who was he?
What a question !
You know he can't see
But there was a servant at home.
He must surely have seen him?
He was asleep at the time, Inspector
That thug made him inhale a sedative while he was asleep
As soon as alex came around, he started pounding on the bathroom door
I opened the door and it was he who brought me to the hospital
See, Inspector? 
The body disappears from the hospital... and rahul is even attacked.
And you're still deep in slumber?
C'mon, Karan. 
Don't be angry.
- Why not?
What would he have said if something had happened to you?
"There will be an inquiry.
We're figuring out"
Figuring out, my foot!
- Figure out, we will, Mr Karan
I'II find the culprit within 24 hours
Thank you, Inspector
hello, Mr Karan.
Mr RahuI, I have good news for you
You've found Pooja's body?
- We'II find that too
Didn't I say I'd solve this case within 24 hours, Mr Karan?
But I've completed the job in 8 hours!
- Wow! 
That's amazing, Mr Khan
Which means you've got to know...
- Yes, Mr RahuI
The evidence we have is enough to indicate who attacked you... and who the killer is.
- That's good news, man
Who is it?
- Your friend. 
Karan
Arrest him.
- What rubbish is this, Inspector?
That's impossible, Inspector!
- What nonsense is this?
You're badly mistaken ! 
Karan would never do a thing like this!
Mr RahuI, the police can't arrest anyone without evidence
What evidence do you have?
- I'II present the evidence in court
Bring him along.
- This is a lie! 
I'm innocent!
Let me go...
You're making a mistake, Inspector!
My friend Karan's not Iike that!
Excuse me, where is the pathology lab?
Can't you see?
- Sorry
What's that?
Karan is granted bail.
He is also ordered... to be present at the police station everyday at 7 pm
rahul, thanks
Don't alienate me by thanking me
To be frank, I got to really know you No matter what the courts decide... my heart will favour only the truth
And I know the truth
D'you think I know nothing?
I know that you loved Pooja as much as I did
only difference is I Ioved her as a husband, and you treated her... as your sister-in-Iaw
The sad part is we don't know what happened... why Pooja did this, why she left us like this
Did we fail short in loving her?
probably...
Pooja failed to appreciate true love
rahul, how long have you and Karan known each other?
Since long
suddenly he vanished. 
Then one fine day I met him in Europe... trying to make money for his beloved
Can you believe it? 
The girl he wanted to marry, married someone else
Stupid
But now, he'II work with me forever
After having lost my eyesight, I need a friend more than an assistant
And I'II never find a friend like Karan. 
Right, Karan?
Karan, why don't you speak?
Why are you so quiet?
You're right, RahuI.
Karan's silence is too much
That's why I've brought him here.
He'II go out, divert his mind...
talking about moods, I got an idea. 
hold on
Look Karan, I know you're silent because of me
But I'm very happy with RahuI
Find a decent girl and get married
I'm sure, you will be happy like me
"This is my promise..."
"to you, my love"
"I swear by your heartbeats..."
"as long as I breathe..."
"my love for you will never cease"
"This is my promise to you..."
"my love"
"I swear by your heartbeats..."
"as long as I breathe..."
"my love for you will never cease"
"This is my promise to you.
- My promise"
"My love for you..."
"is insatiable"
"In my dreams..."
"I paint my loneliness"
"It is a fact, don't take it for a lie..."
"my love for you will never cease"
"This is my promise to you.."
"my love"
"If living is without you..."
"I can't live a moment"
"The way I Iove you..."
"no one can ever love you"
"For your desires..."
"I shall take a thousand births"
"My love for you will never cease"
"This is my promise to you..."
"my love"
"I swear by your heartbeats..."
"as long as I breathe..."
"my love for you will never cease"
"This is my promise"
"This is my promise"
"This is my promise to you..."
"my love"
Karan ! 
Where are you?
Right here
Thinking about Pooja?
- Yes
What?
- If it's suicide, why did she do it?
If it is murder, who killed her?
- I'm also searching for answers
I'II get him punished whoever is responsible. 
I promise
I too promise. 
I'II leave no stone unturned to find that person
Sir, the clothes.
- Keep it there
Sir, the clothes.
- Keep it there
Thanks.
- Found some papers and money on them
Thank you
Who was it, Karan?
- The Iaunderer. 
Brought some clothes
And...
- And what?
Some papers and some money he found on your clothes
Give them to me
rahul is blind.
What's he got to do with books?
Let me have it.
- Yes
What's up, Karan?
You are quiet
well... 
I wanted to talk to you about business
Why talk business with me now?
You are handling everything. 
Right?
Right. 
I'm eyeing it too
What?
- The Vashi project
If it comes my way, I'II make it big
What happened?
- Something is stuck on your shoe
Must be the receipt.
- How do you know?
New shoes. 
The price tag comes attached
possible.
- Make sure you don't lose it
What?
- The Vashi project
Consider it done
I must leave now, RahuI.
Got to work on the project
Bye.
- See you later
Put the books in place, will you?
- Excuse me
Yes?
- Is this receipt from your shop?
Yes, it is. 
If you want this book, sorry, it's out of stock
please check again, you might have just one left
Hang on. 
If we have "Crime And Escape", pass it on
Sir, it's out of stock.
- The book's in great demand, sir
Any special content in it?
- novel ways to commit crimes... and frame someone else
Karan, here's the blank stamp paper you wanted
What will you do with it?
- I'II use it to find out... whether RahuI is blind or not.
- Write some alphabets on it... to check his eyesight, eh?
- Good morning, sir
Good morning, Kapoor.
- You sent for me, sir?
Yes. 
Here you are
Go and take RahuI's signatures on these papers
Sir, these are blank stamp papers.
- That's intended, Kapoor
I suspect RahuI is not blind.
And with those documents... if he signs the blank papers too, then he is really blind
And if he doesn't, then my suspicion will be confirmed
Kapoor, more papers here
You use these, I use those
Thank you very much, sir
Is Mr RahuI in?
- Yes. 
What for?
Got to get some documents signed.
- AII right. 
Go upstairs
May I come in, sir?
- Come in
Good morning, sir.
Good afternoon
Sorry, sir.
Good afternoon
Sit
Mr Karan sends this file.
He wants your signature
How many documents?
- Seven or eight
Seven? 
Or eight?
- Sir, I didn't...
Never mind, I'II count
I won't sign them.
- It's extremely urgent, sir
No matter. 
I don't trust anyone but Karan
Sir, Mr Karan sent these documents.
- Then send Karan over
Sir, he...
- Listen !
Don't argue with me.
Now please go
Okay, sir
He didn't sign the blank papers.
It shows he's not blind, Saxena
Not to be sentimental.
probably he doesn't trust anyone
AII right
I'II prove he's not blind.
- How?
To celebrate my ball, we'II go over to him tonight
We'II lace his drink with poison
If he drinks it, it'II be clear that he is blind
You will get evidence and I'II be satisfied
Are you crazy? 
If he drinks it by any chance... you'II be charged with murder
The bottle will only contain a laxative
You're very smart
How come the light turned off?
Maybe because of the air-conditioner?
- Give me the remote, I'II check
There! 
I got it. 
The air-conditioner is putting a load on the meter, sir
I see. 
It's very hot here, find an electrician
Rightaway, sir
Hi RahuI.
- Hey Karan ! 
What a nice surprise
What brings you here?
- I wanted you to meet my lawyer
Saxena's arguments earned me baiI
else, the one who tried to frame me had almost won
Mr Saxena...
- Over here, sir
Thank you very much. 
please sit.
- Thank you, sir
I promised to give Saxena a treat, which would be incomplete without you
So we thought we'd celebrate here.
- That's so sweet of you, Karan.
So Mr Saxena, what will you have?
My bar has it all
Rum?
- Rum is awesome!
Sorry Karan. 
alex is away
help yourself, you know the place.
please make yourselves at home
No problem
careful, Saxena
Don't mind, Karan. 
I'II give you company but I won't drink
Why not?
- I'm not in the mood
Amazing. 
I got bail only today
Won't you drink to your friend's joy?
In that case, I'd even take poison from a friend
Mr Saxena, why did you stand up?
How did you know?
- The sofa creaked
Karan, I'm blind, not deaf.
- Amazing
C'mon guys, make that drink
Poured it?
What?
- Soda
Oh yes
One minute...
- Hey, where to...?
Aren't you guys feeling hot?
I'II turn on the air-conditioner
relax. 
allow me.
- Karan, you're such a sweetheart
Mr Saxena, that's a real friend.
- Good friend, indeed
What happened?
- What's wrong with the lights?
The air-conditioner must be loading the meter. 
Switch it off
Okay guys! 
Karan, lawyer...
where are you?
C'mon guys, where are you?
Cheers
C'mon, bottoms up!
Karan, why did you pour your drink out?
How come you found out?
- Look, Karan... when you pour drink in a glass, it makes a sound
Likewise, it also rustIes up the leaves
Very impressive. 
But I drank it
I see. 
I think my ears are working overtime of late
What about you, lawyer?
- I'm drinking it... sure
Okay, super!
One more?
The sofa creaked again?
- No, it's something else
shall I make another...?
- No, I got an urgent work. 
I'II leave
Mr Saxena, I won't let you go like this
That client is troublesome.
Here I go
Looks like my Rum was too powerful.
- probably
Anyway RahuI, it's too late.
I must leave
Karan, you didn't enjoy
Never mind. 
I'II enjoy it next time
That's the spirit. 
I Iike it.
- And I Iike yours, RahuI
Good luck
Karan, that lawyer friend of yours...
what's his name? 
Is he all right?
Yes, RahuI?
- Don't make me depend on you
Or I wouldn't even take a step without you
Go now, I'II go on my own.
- How will you, buddy?
Where's the beach?
- Just to your left
Perfect. 
I'II take a right and reach my backyard
Sure?
millions of blind men live in this world
They walk the streets, travel on buses and do their jobs... all by themselves
This walking stick is my partner for life now
Let me practice. 
Okay, wish me luck.
- Take care. 
Bye
This friendship... we shall never... break!
Not to jostle him, I paid you money to bash him up
Have patience, sir.
The game has just began
Thrash him! 
Don't spare him
Have I harmed you, guys?
Give me back my stick
please forgive me if I've wronged you
Hit him!
You guys have me surrounded, no?
You must be thinking that I am pretending to be a blind man, right?
One second... 
I'II dispel your misconception
Come on !
Okay!
Brother... your jacket
Your stick.
- Very good
Your glasses
bloody slaves!
D'you believe now that I'm blind?
Yes sir, you're really blind!
Good. 
Boys, that concludes today's exercise. 
Go home now
My companion is no more a friend
His love is no more real
Sir, balance payment?
- Damn you !
Hi inspector!
- I was going to get you
What kept you so long?
- I had been to the MahaIaxmi temple
temple? 
What explains the sand on your sneakers?
Must have picked it up on the beach
Amazing. 
You'd rather suspect me than do something worthwhile, sir!
I intend to help you out but you're right after me
And RahuI?
Why is he not being grilled?
He lost his wife and his eyesight, and you want me to suspect him?
He's pretending to be blind, sir!
He's pulling wool over your eyes
He's trying to frame me.
- I'm not sure about that
But you can't con me without proof
Proof? 
Don't worry, inspector
You will get it
Karan, we're here. 
Now how will you prove that RahuI is not blind?
D'you see these vases?
pull them down a little. 
If RahuI is really blind, he'II ram into them
If not, he'II avoid them.
And you will get your proof
Good idea
pull them down a bit.
- Yes, sir
Quick
They are coming.
Let's hide
Let's go out for a drink.
- If you insist
Don't worry, I got it
Are you all right?
- Who pulled the vases down?
Is this a joke?
I'II break them all!
Are they fooling with a blind man?
bloody idiots!
Any more left?
- No. 
AII martyred. 
relax
My stick, please...
- Right
Let me apply some ice
You wanted my head broken, right?
You tricked me into suspecting a decent man
I'II lock you up if you grumble about RahuI again. 
You dig?
It's you, sir.
- Where to?
Just bought some vegetables.
- Get in, I'II drop you
alex, you never married?
It's all destiny, sir
If you do a job for me, I'II pay you enough... to get married and set up a business
That's jackpot for me!
What's the job?
I'II tell you when we reach home.
- Let's go
Mr Karan, before I get stoned... tell me about the job
It's a simple job, alex
You just have to find out if RahuI is really blind or not
No big deal. 
I can tell you right now.
- What?
He isn't blind
Are you saying the truth?
- Sir...
I'm by his side around the clock
I've seen him reading a novel
Very good. 
alex, you've done me a great favour
Can you say that in court?
- For money, Iet alone the court...
I'II even scream on the roads.
You name the place
Here's 200,000.
You'II get the rest later
Thank you, sir. 
Rest assured
rahul is not blind!
I'II say that in public
hello? 
Inspector Khan speaking
Mr Khan, you're hunting for Priya Verma's corpse, right?
Someone has cremated it behind the fort at Madh
Who are you?
Where are you calling from? 
hello?
hello?
What about the sand on your sneakers?
- Must've picked it up on the beach
Looks like a flat tyre
Now what?
careful, RahuI.
- Karan... why have you got me on the railways tracks?
rahul, it'II take a Iong time by road. 
Our plot is nearby
We'II reach within 5 minutes if we walk on the tracks
That's a good idea
That's the sound of a train, Karan !
- It's on the other track
Besides, if it is on this track, you can trust me
I'm really fortunate to have a friend like you. 
You take good care of me
I don't take care of anyone
But for the thing that you have done to me, and that you're still doing...
I can't ever forget
What have I done, Karan?
Nothing yet
But I wish to do something unforgettable to you
Why did you throw away the stick?
When I have a friend like you, what good is a false support?
What happened?
Bunty, my child!
Thank you, sir.
The poor thing is deaf
You saved my Bunty's life!
- It's all right
See RahuI? 
Today I found out that you aren't blind
Swine! 
You killed your wife, and you're trying to frame me
No RahuI! 
Don't
Fantastic, my boy!
You're the one who killed Pooja
You're the one who made it appear like a suicide
And then you pretend to be blind and try to frame me...?
Why? 
What for?
Why did you do it, RahuI?
You're yourself responsible for that.
- Me?
Yes. 
Remember that day...?
When we were leaving for Singapore?
Karan...? 
You're okay?
What happened?
The appendicitis is showing up again.
- Go and see a doctor immediately
No, Iet's go and check in first.
- Not at all, Karan
You're not travelling in this condition.
- But how will you...?
I'II make it, Karan.
Don't worry
I hadn't gone to Singapore for a business meeting...
I went there for the treatment of my eyes
I had already met the eye-speciaIist based in Singapore
He had given me the hope that my eyesight would be restored
It was my wish, that when my eyesight was restored...
I wished to see my friend first
Thank you, doctor.
I can see again
I wanted to give Pooja a surprise
But when I returned...
I Iove you, I Iove you !
You don't know how happy I am!
I knew you love me... me alone!
You took Pooja's life because you saw us together?
And framed me for the murder?
That's all right.
No problem!
Now admit it in your own words that it's you who killed Pooja!
else, I'II blow your brains out with this bullet!
Speak.
- What?
"I've killed Pooja! 
I'm her killer.
I'm the one who murdered Pooja!"
"I'm the one who ought to be punished... no one else!"
"I'm the one who killed Pooja.
I'm her murderer"
"I'm the one who ought to be punished... no one else"
Thank you, RahuI. 
Thank you
Check it out first before you thank me
ImbeciIe!
If you hold the gun, I hold the remote
I'm going to kill you, RahuI!
I'm going to kill you !
Don't shoot me here...
shoot me here
Who is it...? 
Who?
- Inspector Khan
Inspector! 
I'm glad you're here!
This man wants to kill me
He's lying, Inspector!
I thought he was my best friend.
But he turns out to be my enemy!
He first killed my wife.
He now wants to kill me
It's a drama! 
A bloody farce!
Don't let him fool you, Inspector!
He's pretending to be blind for a year now... a whole year!
He's the one who killed Pooja.
Not I
Shut up!
- Inspector... if you can't believe me, I have his confession recorded on tape
You can listen to it.
- He's trying to frame me, Inspector!
quietly come with me.
Or I'II give you a thrashing
please, Inspector!
Don't fall for his words... skip the nonsense!
- I'm innocent!
Your Honour, Karan has given the sacred relationship of friendship a bad name
He has killed his friend's wife!
It's a lie, Mr Judge!
- It's the truth, Mr Karan !
tell me, didn't you know Pooja right from her college days?
Did you, or didn't you?
Answer me!
Yes, I did.
- And you were in love with Pooja too!
You loved her... did you or didn't you love her? 
Answer me
Yes, I Ioved her.
I Ioved her very much
What's also true is that I didn't kill her!
It's this man's conspiracy to have me implicated!
I'm innocent, Mr Judge! 
Innocent!
- Innocent indeed!
Your Honour, had the police reached the site even five minutes later... this man would've killed RahuI, who can't even see anything!
The police arrested him at the scene of the crime with a revolver... and a taped confession.
Exhibit, please
This man is not blind, Your Honour!
please believe me!
blindness is just a pretense meant only to frame me!
How can you prove that RahuI is not blind?
Your Honour, I seek permission to produce witnesses in court... who will prove that Mr RahuI is not blind
Permission granted
I first wish to produce Mr Gangadin whose son's life was saved by Mr RahuI
Gangadin... present yourself
Gangadin, tell the court who saved your son's life
This angel did.
- Thank you. 
You may leave now
Sir, I now wish to summon Mr RahuI to the witness box
Permission granted.
- Mr RahuI... present yourself
Mr Lawyer...
- Right here, Mr RahuI
careful...
- I'm okay
Oh God!
So how are you?
- Who? 
Mr Saxena?
Yes.
- How's your tummy now?
Okay.
- That's good
As you see, Mr RahuI...
- I'm listening, lawyer
I mean, as you see the case...
- Your Honour... the lawyer's repeatedly saying "You see" to poke fun at a blind man... although he knows that I can't see, I can only hear
Mr Saxena, you are a lawyer
You ought to know that it's inhuman to poke fun at a handicapped man... it's also deplorable.
- Beg your pardon, Your Honour
Now listen Mr RahuI and tell us how you saved Gangadin's son's life?
How did you get to know that the child was playing on the tracks... and that he'd get run over by the speeding train?
Your Honour, Karan and I were headed toward my factory site on that day
I didn't know what was brewing in my friend's mind
He made up an excuse that the car had broken down... and insisted that if we just crossed the railway tracks... we'd reach the factory in 5 minutes
I was walking on the track when I heard a train approaching behind me
When I asked, Karan told me that the train was running on a second track
And as it got closer, he flung me before the speeding train
I bumped into the child and rolled off, far off the track with the child
The father of the child therefore thought I had saved the child from death
Whereas the fact is, it was the child who saved my Iife
And our lives were saved by God himself
That's a total lie, Judge!
Nothing of the sort happened!
He's fooling everyone and secretly having a laugh !
He's fabricating the whole thing!
For once in your life, RahuI Verma!
Give us the god-damned truth !
- Order, order!
Oh yes, you can call things to order!
But no one's going to listen to me!
Superb!
Mr Saxena, you may proceed.
- No, no, sir. 
No more questions
Mr RahuI, you may go now.
- Thank you
I now wish to present in court a witness who will help us distinguish... between truth and falsehood. 
It's a man who's been closest and loyal to RahuI... after his wife. 
I seek permission to produce RahuI's servant, alex
Mr alex, present yourself
Mr alex, tell the court whether you ever saw Mr RahuI reading a book
Yes, I did
When?
- Before he lost his eyesight
I'm talking about the times when he had not lost his eyesight
Looks like you're losing your marbles, Mr Lawyer
When a man can't even see a book, how can he read one?
alex! 
Don't tell lies!
Mr Judge, he's the one who told me that his master read books!
Your Honour, I don't wish to lie in court
This man took me to his house, gave me a Iot of liquor to drink... and promised to give me half a million rupees... if I said in court that my master is not blind
Here you are, Your Honour.
He gave me an advance of 200,000 !
Take it... 
Go on
I wouldn't betray my God-Iike employer for even 50 million... what's half a million?
If I couId help it, I'd give my eyes to my master, Mr Judge
This man is an unscrupulous a liar!
He asked me to tell lies!
He has even killed my Mistress!
Hang him, Mr Judge!
Just send him to the gallows!
Order, order!
You may leave now
Anymore questions?
- You may go
Having heard the arguments and the testimonies of the witnesses...
One minute, Your Honour. 
It has to do with the life of an innocent man !
Witness might lie, but medical reports can't be fabricated
I request the court to have Mr RahuI's eyes medically checked... and deliver a verdict only after the reports are submitted
The court is adjourned
The next hearing will be held on the 21st of this very month
meanwhile, Mr RahuI's eyes may be examined in a government hospital... and a report be submitted to the court
The court is adjourned for the day
"files away..."
"my heart files away with you, it soars like a bird"
"I find peace nowhere"
"Crazy... 
I'm crazy about you"
"My love... 
I'm the one you have targetted"
"It's your stories that I see"
"In your arms, I have always to be"
"Your aura, your charm, it's the magic you wield..."
"you are the only one I dream of, think of"
"files away..."
"my crazy heart soars with you, Iike a bird"
"I find peace nowhere"
Your Honour, this is the eye-surgeon's report on the status of rahul's eyes
Thank you, Your Honour
In view of the medical report on Mr RahuI Verma's eyesight... and also the testimonies of the witnesses... the court concludes that Mr Verma is indeed visually impaired
Therefore, he is innocent
By killing his wife's friend and thereafter falsely accusing his friend...
Mr Karan has tried to give this case a new twist
The court therefore finds Karan guilty... and under the Indian penal Code, sentences him to Life Imprisonment
No, Mr Judge... you can't do this!
This is impossible!
It's his doing! 
He has bought out the doctors!
Come here, you fraud!
You're deceiving everyone!
You have me framed...?
He's a fraud!
believe me, Mr Judge!
He's not blind. 
He's not!
He's only deceiving everyone!
Karan, your friend RahuI wants to see you
constable, come here
What is it?
BretIink. 
Latest. 
Worth 100,000
What's the job?
hello, Karan. 
How're you doing?
Amazing. 
Of all the scoundrels I have seen, there's none like you
You get me a lifer, and you ask how I'm doing?
Who else will ask if not a friend?
- Friend?
As a friend, tell me, are you sure I killed Pooja?
I know you didn't kill Pooja.
- Then why did you get me sentenced?
tell me!
I'II tell you
When I saw you in Pooja's arms... my mind, my heart, my blood froze
I didn't know what to do
And then, Pooja came to me
You've been looking lost ever since you returned
What is it, RahuI?
- Just nothing
Had you phoned, I'd have come to receive you at the airport
Had I phoned, the facts wouldn't have come to light
What's on your mind, RahuI?
- It's quite late, Pooja
Go to bed
At least eat something.
- I ate on the flight. 
I'm not hungry
Won't you talk to me?
- It's quite late, Pooja
It's 1 :45 am. 
Go to bed
rahul, how did you see the time?
Yes, I can see.
My eyesight is restored
I wanted to give you a surprise.
- But RahuI...
We'II talk in the morning.
Go to sleep
rahul saw me in Karan's arms!
rahul saw me in Karan's arms!
My honour was in my hands till now.
Now it's in yours
Because, the wife is the honour of a family
rahul has seen me in Karan's arms!
I'II never give you a chance to complain. 
I promise
rahul saw me in Karan's arms!
Oh my God! 
No
No, no! 
help, help
Somebody help me!
- What have you done, lady?
Oh my God! 
Pooja!
"RahuI, I'm leaving you alone"
"I thought I'd love you and keep you happy forever..."
"but I failed"
"I'm glad that your eyesight has been restored"
"But the sad part is you saw me in someone else's arms"
"Karan is my past. 
I never told you"
"Before marriage, I got over him completely, RahuI"
"When I saw him with you again, I thought he must've changed"
"How was I to know that he'd pretend to be your friend and invade my Iife?"
"After you left for Singapore, alex too went on leave"
"That night I was alone at home"
You? 
You were supposed to go to Singapore with RahuI
I did go. 
But on reaching the airport I feigned appendix problems
In fact my heart was hurting, Pooja
Your silence has hurt me no end, Pooja
Why did you ditch me?
You said, you'II wait for me
Then why did you marry RahuI?
- I wanted to break up with you
I never knew when your highhandedness turned my love into hatred
At Papa's insistence I married RahuI
And now, it's only RahuI.
He's my world
And you are my world, Pooja.
- Even the thought of it is a sin !
I'm someone's wife!
- Wrong! 
Absurd!
You're my beloved first!
I thought you must've changed, Karan.
- I tried hard to change
But the love for you in my heart, I couId never change
Why such a great betrayal, Pooja?
Look Karan, it's no good discussing.
You must get over me
You must get over RahuI and this wedding!
You've gone insane, Karan !
- Yes, I've gone insane
Your love has driven me insane, Pooja
Get out of here!
I hate you !
Get out from here!
I hate you, Karan !
Pooja, I Iove you !
How dare you enter my bedroom?
What do you think?
It's tough on a lover like me
Look Karan, only RahuI can enter this room, no one else
Oh I forgot. 
It's the room where you and rahul sleep
You have no idea, Pooja. 
When he touches you, when he embraces you...
loves you and calls you sweetheart, it kills me!
I feel like setting this room on fire!
I'II set this room ablaze!
What the hell do you want?
- You
"Karan insisted on marrying me"
I won't leave you now.
- "I didn't know what to do"
"Then I got an idea to ward him off;
Concur to whatever he said"
Look Karan, such decisions aren't taken overnight
Give me time to think.
But please leave for now
No Pooja, no!
I'm not going anywhere without you
Just get this. 
I lost you once.
I can't lose you again. 
please!
Pooja, sit down and think.
Think it over
I'II just sit there and watch you
I'II just watch you
"Like a madman, Karan sat there before me all night"
"The moment he dozed off, I got up to phone you"
You're calling RahuI!
Just listen to this, Pooja
should you disclose anything to RahuI... he has already lost his eyesight... he will lose his life too
I'm sorry, Pooja, but that's for real
"His words hit me.
I was worried for your life"
"Because I knew Karan too well.
He is wild when he gets violent"
"So I decided to put on an act before him until you returned"
Hi sweetheart
Gosh ! 
You aren't ready as yet?
Hurry up... we have to go to the court.
Got to sign the divorce documents
You want these documents signed, don't you? 
Let me have them
Look Karan, we're not telling RahuI anything now
I don't know how the poor chap will take it
At the first chance, I'II reveal everything to him... and get the documents signed, so that we can get married
Pooja, I Iove you ! 
I Iove you !
I Iove you ! 
I Iove you !
"RahuI, forgive me, I'm leaving you"
"I'm happy that your eyesight has been restored"
"But those very eyes saw me in Karan's arms"
"I was helpless, RahuI.
My suicide is a testimony to that"
"Forgive me. 
I pray to God..."
"I want to be your wife in all the lifetimes to come"
"Because I Iove you, and only you, RahuI"
I promise you, Pooja
You killed yourself because of Karan
I will get him punished before the world for killing you
You know, Karan...
I'd have killed you if I wanted, to take my revenge
But no
It wouldn't put Pooja's soul to rest nor would it give me peace
Yes, the Law sees this murder as suicide
But to my eyes, it's not suicide but murder
Murder! 
And you are the killer
That is why, to punish you for your crime...
I got Pooja's dead body out of the hospital with alex's help
That night, it was I who planted Pooja's jewellery in your apartment
Remember the day you took alex home
When you went to get the money, alex put your shoes in his bag
After cremating Pooja...
I Ieft your shoe at the beach
Know why I did all that?
Because, the day Pooja killed herself...
I had decided to get you punished before the world, for killing Pooja
And look...
I've got you punished
Now you get the picture?
really RahuI, it was indeed a very beautiful plot to implicate me
But what's the outcome?
I got you trapped
I've taped all that you ranted
Now you come in, I go out!
constable, hurry up here!
I have evidence against RahuI Verma
This case can be reopened!
You stupid-stupid boy
You always act in haste
You must sometimes use your mind like I do
If you can offer the constable a watch worth 100,000 to get a tape...
I can pay him 200,000 to get the batteries removed
You fraud! 
bloody blind bat!
Coward! 
Come in and face me!
I'II fix you good
That's good, Karan.
That's very good
More, please. 
I came here just to hear that... your agony
You will suffer for the rest of your life...
like Pooja suffered at her deathbed
Where are you going?
Stay there!
Time's over for you
And my promise stands fulfilled
Goodbye, Karan.
- Where are you going, RahuI?
Have a good life.
- You're leaving me alone?
Are you leaving your friend alone?
Don't leave me alone
rahul, don't leave me here! 
please!

MADE IN SERBIA
Sena was gone from my life.
First I was her bodyguard, then her boyfriend.
She was my stripper.
She went to Hungary, made a porno film, and was a success.
I tried to get my degree in dramaturgy and get on in life
. and I tried to forget her.
I came across her film by chance.
Porn films became my obsession.
I stayed up nights.
I only watched foreign films. 
I couldn't stand to watch even five minutes of the domestic films. 
She only played in foreign ones.
I became a pornophile, and soon after, a porn expert.
I started researching the origins of local pornography, carefully avoiding the newest domestic productions.
I found out that Kosta Novakovic, a pioneer of Serbian filmmaking, had made the first erotic film called
"The Sinless Sinner". 
For that time, it was like making a porno film. 
At the beginning of the 20th century, porno films were shown in Belgrade Branislav Nusic wrote about that, criticizing the hypocrisy of the Serbian elite, calling them "Parisian nights" because only French films were shown.
Hotel Union was the central place.
Kosovska street has always been a place where one could see a good film.
I found out that in 1898 the Paris police threw 14 tones of porno films in the river Sena.
My theory is that the language of film was born under the patronage, and in the service of pornography.
The close-up is definitely the invention of pornographers.
The first films were not films by the Lumiere brothers, but unknown films made for private collections.
How can you expect me to watch that?
That is our reality.
I must defend the locals. 
First of all, there's the funding.
Secondly, one must find actors.
Many girls say they just can't, they would do it, but not if their parents, friends saw them
This is hard to manage. 
In my opinion, Mr. Stankovic does a decent job, but I'm sure he does it with much less money than, say, Vince Voyeur or Anabolic, etc.
Girls don't want to be on film.
They would do it, if their fathers and brothers didn't see the films.
But why? 
That's prejudiced.
Look at Hungarian women. 
There are thousands of them doing it.
And you? 
Have you seen any domestic porno films? 
No?
Yes, two or three. 
But I've given it up completely.
What was it you didn't like in them, exactly?
Oh, the main character in one of them was a fly. 
It kept landing on the pillow, on the sheet, that waved it away.
That was one. 
Then there was another bad one.
There's no light, man.
And the frames are lousy.
The attacks on domestic porno films intrigued me., I admit.
After all my refusals, I finally decided to see what it
Was all about. 
Luckily, I came across a rare copy of the film "VESNA".
It was an indescribable experience.
"THE FIRST YUGOSLAV PORNO FILM" - "Vesna"
Where were my eyes, where was I looking, where have you been.
Hey girl, in the mini-skirt, I'll be waiting down the street for you to come, on your own, don't bring you boyfriend.
Vesna, what is it?
What happened?
The domestic production was of such a size, that I saw all the films in one night.
Besides the imaginative titles and brilliantly-idiotic lines and plots, little else is worth mentioning.
An almost suicidal thought took over my mind.
If I manage to make the first quality porno film,
I could rule the local porno- market, which isn't negligible.
I'll make good film and take it abroad.
I will suggest to Sena That she play for me.
Then I'll be close to Sena again.
I realized it would be good to get to know the foreign and local productions before I started such an assignment.
I gathered the crew.
- Guys, I've been thinking.
How about doing a documentary film on domestic pornography?
The crew was organized. 
The first person I had to look up was the famous Slobodan Stankovic, the only domestic porno magnate, the editor of "Striptease" magazine, author of the majority of domestic porno films.
Hello.
- Hello.
With whom does the devil have the pleasure?
With Slavica Veselinovic from Bajmok.
Slavica, how is it in Bajmok?
Is Bajmok a conservative or emancipated little town?
- It's an old-fashioned village.
But that didn't stop you from getting in front of the camera?
No, I was honored to stand before such a nice camera.
He has a monopoly on all actors and actresses.
He acts like they are his personal property.
He was my only ticket into that world.
How did you get started in this business?
It's interesting, and even slightly boring for me, that everybody calls, wanting to talk about that genre, about the filming of porno and erotic films. 
For 17 years,
I have been filming everything that interests and inspires me as a filmmaker: 
Rock concerts, political events, fashion shows and nature. 
For the past two years, my favorite model has been my two year old son Aleksa. 
I have some 25.000 photos and plenty of films. 
I like to shoot children because they are natural. 
They do not pretend in front of the camera.
But human curiosity is focused on sex, which I think is normal. 
Here I am, talking about sex for the millionth time, instead of about rock concerts and political events.
A great wish of mine is to go to Japan and shoot Zen monasteries. 
When I mention that, nobody asks me further about it, they say - let's get back to the subject of sex.
Ok, let's get back to the subject of sex.
PORNO GUERILLA
Let me explain what we'll be shooting today. 
The idea is:
A kind of porno-guerilla traveling through Serbia, fighting conservative people, braking sexual taboos.
We hope for success in our sexual revolution.
It will spread through the woods and towns of Serbia.
Our revolution will use all means to reach its goal.
As revolutionaries say, the goal justifies the means.
It all may seem like a joke, but I hope the effects will be very useful to society.
Are you ready?
So began my long friendship with the members of Stankovic's porno-guerilla. 
I entered a world that had always been nearby, but I hadn't noticed it. 
Not all the guerrilla were available. 
For instance, Mila refused to cooperate because she concealed from her brother what she did for a living.
Those who accepted were more- or-less open. 
There were, of course, difficulties. 
Their common excuse for withholding information was their environment.
In any case, I decided to get to know them.
I thought I could use some of them in my film debut.
That's right. 
Not behind, to the side. 
Like that.
Dino was the first member of porno-guerilla I got to know.
He was one of the few who were clear about who they were and what they did. 
Like a true professional, he worked on improving himself every day.
Dino
But, that is where his troubles began. 
His family would not accept it. 
Dino was seriously considering moving out.
Ivan, listen. 
I've decided today is my last day.
I'm quitting.
- Why?
I've been working both as a porno actor and a barman, and I've decided to focus on the porno business.
What will you do?
- I have to.
It was nice working with you.
- Me too, but the business calls me.
- So long, and good luck to you.
WHO THE FUCK GOES?
The fucking 65-bus runs once in a hundred years, and I'm in a hurry. 
I'll have to hitchhike.
Can you give me a lift?
A lift? 
Screw you, walking is good for you.
Hey stop, give him a lift!
Go back.
- Drive, buddy.
What a great gang!
- The hitchhiker sure can fuck!
Hey hitchhikers, I leave you alone for 5 minutes, and you have an orgy in my van!
Out, all of you!
Hey buddy, what about our stuff? 
Our stuff!
Fuck you! 
Catch a ride with someone else!
Written and directed by Slobodan Stankovic
What was your motivation?
I've wanted to do it since I was a teenager.
So, you were already watching porno films as a teenager?
Of course.
Was it a bumpy road to reaching your life's wish?
Yes, I'd say it was.
How did you become a porno actor, and how does your family feel about your choice of profession?
I became an actor by recommendation.
Some friends of mine knew Mr. Stankovic and that's how I got in.
My environment has reacted relatively well.
I am accepted.
I am highly respected.
You know, I arouse curiosity where ever I appear.
To be honest, my family doesn't approve.
But in the end they have to accept it.
How old are you Dino?
I turn twenty four tomorrow.
Did I tell you I'm going to Hungary tomorrow?
Really?
- Yeah man, I'm making a film with high quality chicks, and real production.
It will be the crown of my career so far.
Who are you going with? 
What's the deal? 
Is it locals?
With Stankovic and another producer, who's in Hungary.
So it's Europe, here we come?
- Some deal. 
Europe calls!
Great, great. 
How long are you going for?
A couple of days probably.
- It'll be good.
As long as there's work.
I love life - do you? 
Protect yourself and others. 
Stop AIDS.
You have a lot to worry about?
I see you're nervous.
There are always doubts, but I hope I'll cast them away now.
- Dino!
I passed the AIDS test. 
Now I can relax and continue my preparations for the trip to Budapest. 
I'll blow them away.
I'll show them who Dino is.
They'll be calling back a lot.
It's important that I don't get scared.
I have to think of it as just a regular shoot.
If I make it now, I can say goodbye to shitty Serbia.
I won't be making any more films here.
I'll move to Hungary! 
I've got to be in good shape!
I've got to be in good shape!
I have to brush up on the curriculum before tomorrow.
I'll watch all my idols: 
Rocco, Christoff, Clark.
This is a regular ritual of yours?
Yes, most of the time. 
I have to keep up-to-date.
It's my profession. 
Vlada, bring me something by Rocco!
Just a second.
Tension before the shoot in Budapest.
Purely psychological.
- Here you go.
Thanks.
Dino comes here often to watch.
He doesn't have the facilities at home. 
This is his basic traning and preparation.
I have to go pack now. 
My bus leaves in an hour.
And I'm meeting Boban, you know. 
We're going to Budapest.
Do they know what you do? 
Where are your places?
I keep that to the side. 
I won't let them get at me.
In a word, I don't care about their opinion. 
I am my own man.
So, it doesn't really matter if they agree or not?
I wish you luck and success with the making of the first.
Thanks, I'll do my best, as always.
Just five more hours and I'll be there. 
I can't wait for the action. 
Nothing will stop me when the shoot starts.
I can't go wrong. 
They don't know about my secret technique.
I know how to hold back at the toughest moments and not come.
I rule at that! 
Like all great actors.
Even Tracy Lords wouldn't be able to break me.
Just five more hours, just a little longer.
You don't know Serbian, I don't know Hungarian, but we both know sex!
- Sex, I know, I know.
Get up. 
What a chick! 
Look at her tits.
We'll see if you understand.
Tame him honey. 
That's right.
"Solely Sex Saves Serbia" (on shirt)
Hello. 
- Welcome.
- Thanks.
The great Yugoslav, or Serbian, porn star returns home.
Believe me, it was hard to leave Budapest, but I made a great step in my career.
Hungarian women are great, trust me. 
The way they look, the way they smell, their approach.
How are they compared to our porno actresses?
Compared to ours? 
Far above them, in general.
I did a film with a girl who looks classy.
She has worked with my idol, the famous Rocco Siffredi.
Yes, the rest of the crew is.
Good evening, welcome!
- Thank you, we come.
How was it?
We come from our successful tour of Budapest.
The girls fulfilled our expectations, and I must hurry home. 
I won't be able to rest before I have seen on the computer what we have done in the last three days.
Are there any previews we could see now, right here?
There is some stuff in the camera that we shot today.
Let me first see what's here.
Technically, there is a part of Dino that has already entered the European Community, and it is the part between his legs.
I am tired of the bullshit in Serbia. 
In brief, everybody wants to fuck, but not be fucked. 
Well, they can't.
See what she's doing with her lovely breasts.
Don't, I'm embarrassed. 
I mean, I am reacting.
Our star is embarrassed.
Only those who are serious and who really want to work, can survive in this business.
Nothing is made overnight.
Results come only with time.
Concerning information about Sena, Stankovic was not of much help. 
Even though he had been the one to introduce her to the business. 
She had cut all ties to the sludge of her homeland.
Occasionally I visited the striptease bars she had worked in, hoping for news of Sena.
Her colleagues knew nothing but one night, I found out from a pimp that Sena was returning to Serbia in a month. 
She was with her fiancee, a Serbian ex-cop who had taken her there.
They were coming back to sell his apartment in Zrenjanin. 
I found out that they were going to stay several months. 
I went on researching local facts, impatiently awaiting her return. 
I spent some more time at the "Climax" erotic video club that Dino frequented.
I was interested in the customers' tastes.
Here you are.
- What do you all watch most?
Usually those with a higher status, like doctors, professors, bankers. 
Are very perverse. 
People working in the police and such, they watch SM, you know?
Medical workers have a fetish, or maybe it's the profession - they like the uniformed stuff, rubber, leather. 
People here are a bit spoiled - they underestimate domestic production. 
They're used to the high class American and
European productions.
When a local film appears, they're skeptical.
I also met the owner of "Climax". 
He is a man who signed his first, most celebrated porn film called
"Fill My Mouth", as X-man, his directing pseudonym.
Stankovic was his consultant on the set of his first-born.
Domestic pornography cannot be imagined without him it seems.
I asked him what he considered to be the greatest problem with Serbian porno films.
Just the girls. 
The problem of false morals. 
They put on a mask and shoot the films for ridiculous pay. 
They could be getting descent money, for local circumstances.
ClimaX presents Director: 
X-man
"Fill My Mouth"
There's a new trend of shooting with one camera, in motion.
You carry the camera and follow the movements of the guy and girl. 
Lots of close-ups. 
If they could get the camera inside the girl, that would be great.
As far as people's reactions are concerned, they're thrilled. 
Borders are being moved in our local pornography with this hard-core stuff.
But the financial aspect is totally unsatisfactory.
The next porno-guerilla I spent time with was Djurica. 
He was, like Dino, one of the few who did not hide what he did.
Unlike Dino, his family accepted him as he was, everyone except his mother who hadn't come to terms with his choices until her death.
Djurica
The favorite: 
Djurica "The traffic light separation"
"The traffic light separated us - you left on the green light,
I was left on the red light."
I am Djurica Stankov. 
I've been living in Belgrade for 8 years.
I do various odd jobs. 
I work for an escort service, on a hotline, and I make films.
A year ago a woman started calling me regularly at work.
She refuses to talk about sex.
We have become close.
What can I find out about you?
Tell me why you like that song?
It's a secret. 
Aha. 
So, I am your prince?
Why does a woman call in? 
She has some kind of problem.
She thinks probably if she solves somebody else's problem, she'll solve her own. 
Maybe she likes the way somebody sounds on the phone, maybe she has lost someone dear to her.
You're saying she's in love with me?
I think she's in love, maybe.
Yeah, like, we're not talking about sex. 
But she's in love.
She must be in love with you.
The other option is that she wants to help all of us, in a sense, and put us back on the right track.
I don't like to go back to Vrsac. 
But something draws me.
I am living a different life now. 
I want to be far from that town because it carries bad memories.
But I can't forget it. 
So I keep returning.
Good evening.
- Good evening.
Djurica is our favorite in the audition. 
Zorica, you were one of the judges, what are your impressions?
I remember, during the first show with the hidden camera, there were some complaints. 
But here is Djurica now, he has become real star.
Right! 
- A great star, and our favorite. 
I will, we all will, do everything we can to help him succeed.
He is so nice and sweet, and very dear.
Now briefly: 
Djurica, how long have you been singing?
Since 1989.
- You are currently unemployed?
Yes I am, and I'm looking for a job right now.
There, so shall we hear it?
- Zorica, it's a hit!
Yes it is. 
And not our songs "Handkerchief" and "Nana".
"You Lived In the Circus" is a true hit!
The old gypsy woman raised you, not knowing who you were,
She raised you like a rose. 
You lived in the circus, everybody loved you.
Cassandra, the sun always shined on you.
My first job was totally normal, I was a bus conductor.
Soon, there was an advertisement in "Pan erotica"
for male and female models for porno photo shoots.
I called and went to the audition, and I passed.
This is Vrsac, my hometown. 
I went to school here.
Some of the best moments of my life happened here.
I got married here too. 
I left Vrsac due to a family tragedy.
My mother died around that time. 
I was married for three
Years and I had a one-year-old son, who died soon after my mother. 
So, I decided to leave this town, I felt that there was nothing keeping me here. 
I have some family that I visit.
This is a closed environment, and my work is hard to accept.
I am fighting with myself, and everyone, to make a living.
Step back there. 
Let's move there.
Jingle Balls, Jingle Balls
For two good little boys, I brought one hot chick who wants a good fucking.
Did you see what Santa brought us? 
- Pussy.
I am allergic to pussy!
Don't children, I am an old man.
Santa, have you heard that carrol: 
Jingle balls, .
. jingle balls!
Written and directed by Slobodan Stankovic
This is my granny.
They're making a documentary about me and some others, who do an odd job, under the circumstances.
How did you react when you heard what he did?
It was awkward in the beginning, when I heard from his mother, before she died.
But when we learned that it is rather common, in the world, people like my grandson.
What do you think of your grandson?
I think he is a good boy, he has a good soul.
He would help anyone, I know that much.
You say you're sorry he left town?
That the only problem, that he's not here. 
I can't go visit him, he seldom visits. 
But what he does, that's fine.
I don't mind, I can't forbid it, I've never said anything.
I would like him to be married, have children and his own home.
I am fighting to survive.
Besides doing this work,
I sang in restaurants, at weddings, wherever I could.
It takes balls, because people get drunk at such celebrations, and anything can happen.
I was nervous at first, before it was revealed, when my mother was still alive. 
I had done some photos first, not with a girl, but with another guy.
So the first thing she discovered was my bisexuality.
I was pretty nervous then. 
My mother cried, she asked why, what was wrong with me. 
Looking back, it's almost funny. 
But all I could tell her back then was, like: "A hole is a hole".
We're not from around here.
You hold the camera, so I can say hello. 
Hello to.
Come on, say hello.
- Shoot us, up and down.
My ex-wife lived here until recently. 
She's remarried now.
She married a colleague of mine, an accordion player.
As chance would have it, I introduced them. 
We hung out together, before they got married, before we separated.
This is my aunt. 
I've been staying with her for the past few years, whenever I visited.
This is my uncle, he repairs cars, with his apprentice. 
This is my godmother.
Dragan, what do you think of Djurica?
Djurica? 
He's a good man, he lives his life.
I think all the best. 
Mother or aunt - it amounts to the same.
Speak up, you can criticize me as much as you like.
How's that?
You can criticize, say all that you're thinking.
No, why? 
What's wrong with him?
He needs just a bit of brains.
He's missing that, huh?
Yes, he's missing some brains.
I'd buy him some if I could.
How did you react When you found out?
I'm a woman for all times, what can I say?
Ask him if he's seen any of my films. 
I'm sure he has.
Have you seen any?
I haven't.
- You haven't.
And you, have you seen any?
- No.
You haven't wanted to, or you haven't had the chance?
I haven't wanted to. 
We are modern folks. 
There's plenty of that abroad. 
We don't really get it, but what can you do?
How did other react to it? 
Did you mind? 
Did you forbid him?
I'll tell you, people are odd, they act all fine, like it doesn't exist. 
It's like that all over the world.
But he's the only one who can decide what he'll do in life.
As far as pornography is concerned, I'd prefer not to do it any more, but one must make a living. 
I am subletting here,
I have to pay rent.
You get nothing out of pornography, no insurance. 
I could work for 50 years, and when I stop getting erections, I can retire, totally broke.
ATTENTION!
Works on the roof!
You don't know? 
Is it the music? 
What's the problem?
You sound like you're crying.
Now Vesna, don't cry.
The deeper I sank into the world of pornography, the more Sena haunted me. 
I traveled to Zrenjanin.
I heard she and her fiance finally arrived. 
I went to the apartment they were selling.
I missed her, they had stayed in
Zrenjanin very briefly. 
I wondered where she had gone.
I concluded that she must have gone back to Hungary.
I wondered if she'd be coming back again. 
But why should she?
She'd have to be crazy.
I would have to go to her.
But first I had to make my porn film.
I proceeded with my road movie through Serbia. 
I realized more and more that my attacks on domestic porno films were unfounded. 
The makers had to make do.
It's not like other industries around here functioned better.
Did domestic films look any better? 
People did their best, under the circumstances. 
These were mainly the products of small, family owned businesses.
It all came down to personal initiative, there was no broader program.
I wanted to meet the directors that lived outside of Belgrade,
I assumed they faced more problems that Stankovic did.
There were two I had heard about: 
Peca and Vlada Ljiljak.
Peca is from Zrenjanin. 
He opened one of the first
"erotekas" in the country, back in the eighties.
He has made several films. 
I met him in the Cultural Center in Zrenjanin, where he was secretly finishing his new film: "A Belgrade Bus Ride", a tribute to his favorite film.
You can only make a good amateur film here. 
That is what most people here are doing.
Zrenjanin used to be a wealthy city. 
When you consider the population and industry. 
We go left here.
It was one of the most industrialized cities in the former Yugoslavia. 
Now nothing is being done here, factories are closing down, there is less and less money.
When there is less money, more people want to make films.
Peca films
Import  distribution of films eroteka
This year, there have been no other new films, besides mine.
People are giving up, and if the trend continues, there will be no more domestic films. 
There's no money man.
And it doesn't work without money. 
A buddy and I can write a script in half an hour. 
It's more like a work schedule.
There's no dialogues, we tell the actors what it's about.
No.
You think you can escape? 
You don't know who's after you.
Tell me, I heard or read in the papers about the case of a private film going around Zrenjanin.
Yes, a TV presenter, right?
- That's what I meant.
That was interesting. 
It was their private home-video.
It was her boyfriend who let it get out. 
Soon, everybody in town had seen it. 
It was really quite interesting.
So everybody saw their favorite TV presenter?
Yes, their favorite presenter, in her favorite position.
Well, she is our Pamela.
- Yeah, the "Serbian Pamela".
How did the video get out, anyway?
I don't know, the story goes that. 
Turn right here.
That she argued with her boyfriend and he wanted to hurt her, so he let their home video get out.
Maybe she did it herself, for the publicity. 
Go straight.
Now everybody knows about Maja from Zrenjanin, right?
Yeah, yeah.
I had the most trouble with the actresses.
They wouldn't take part in the documentary.
They feared the reactions of their environment the most.
Only Erzika agreed to.
She was at an advantage, because her husband is also in the business.
Erzika
Erzika, hello. 
The crew is finally on the road.
I'll let you explain to the driver how to get there.
Hello?
I see you don't get to shoots on your own.
I can cover most shoots on my own, but sometimes I bring along an assistant. 
Today I have a colleague here, who can jump in if there is any trouble with the actor, if he fails.
Of course, my assistant will get paid for it.
I'm sure he won't be bored today.
It's better than filming boring stuff, like politicians.
My photos have been published in every paper, every one.
When I was in Singapore and Bali, on assignment with three models, my most memorable moment was my encounter with a
Buddhist monk from Thailand. 
I was fascinated by the inner peace the man had. 
If you ask me what the highlight of the two weeks with beautiful girls was, I'd say it was meeting the
Buddhist monk. 
I asked where his monastery was, and he said in Thailand. 
When I go there, I know a lot of my shooting will be covering those Buddhist monasteries.
So, you are fascinated by eastern religion?
Yes, in fact, I am most interested in Zen Buddhism.
It is extremely practical and spiritual. 
I respect all other religions, but none of them have the strength I felt in
Zen Buddhism.
The actress asks us: 
We're waiting here, best regards.
. are we doing anal sex as well?
See? 
That's what I call a professional amateur.
Hi there.
- Hello, how are you?
Wow, you've done up your hair.
I went to a wedding, I told you perhaps, last month?
No, thanks. 
Shall we set up here? 
- Sure, come on in.
I thought we would get here much faster.
But we took a sightseeing detour instead.
Would you like some coffee or juice?
Erzika is interesting, because she is very honest, there's no bullshit. 
A lot of girls have some kind of philosophy, bullshitting all the time. 
This woman speaks openly. 
Look, for this money, in some places you have to work for a month.
I mean, dragging a hoe all day, in the sun, from 6 am to 3 pm.
No, no you mustn't feel guilty about it.
Not that.
You're not stealing, killing, so, your conscience is clear.
As the Bible says, let he who is without sin, cast the first stone. 
And everyone likes sex.
They just pretend otherwise.
That's true.
- Fools.
Shall we shoot now?
- Sure!
Let's see, how shall we make it interesting for the viewers?
I would like to take advantage of the authentic surroundings.
It could look like a kind of documentary film.
We'll edit it all nicely later.
I like that it's powerful, raw.
Goran, since it is your first time on camera and this is a bit more serious that the stuff you have done,
I'd like you to look at some films while we prepare.
What you see in theory, you can do for me in practice, ok?
Ok.
- Ok, let's take a look.
Look Goran, see how the man is penetrating. 
He has positioned himself so that he is not in the camera's way.
Erzika already knows this stuff: 
The hair must not hide the face, you should breathe harder, and moan, it turns the viewers on. 
See how they have chosen a position where everything is visible. 
Please remember this position, we will do that one here, on the bed, beneath the stag and doe.
I suggest we go from theory to practice now.
Do you want me to explain to you where you'll be?
The scene is a simple one:
You're hanging up the washing, singing softly, the happy wife.
You're husband is even happier when he sees you. 
You wiggle a bit, he comes out to help you, the foreplay begins here, in the yard.
Then you suggest to him that you continue with the harder stuff in the privacy of your bedroom.
So it's three seconds, but don't squeeze them into one.
That's 1.2.3. 
- I know. 
I've learnt that already.
I am Erzika Petrovic, married.
I have five children.
Two daughters and three sons.
Josef here, who is seventeen, didn't want to finish school.
He can tell you why not.
I flunked twice, and then I stopped going.
I had started a new school year, went for a few days, and then I didn't want to continue.
They asked him to write an official letter, requesting.
Little Lazar is from my third marriage, he goes to school.
Tell us, what grade are you in?
- Second grade.
He's starting second.
You like to study, right?
Well, a little bit.
- And to write? 
- No.
Why?
- Because.
Why not? 
- Because we have to write in cursive letters.
Goran is my husband. 
We met in Jagodina. 
I was living there.
That's where we met. 
We've been married for ten years.
We get along well, what else can I say?
Come on children, let's go!
Come here hubby, you make me so horny.
Here I come, and I'm going to fuck you now.
Hollywood!
Here we go, when you come in, you go to that bed.
You know what we'll do?
The golden rule is:
First he goes down on you, and then you give him a blow job.
That way, he won't lose his erection.
He'll take your clothes off, groping you wildly.
And talk to her! "Do you like this, wife?"
"Do you like it when I fuck you?"
That's the way. 
Here we go.
Great, great.
Hey, you're casting a shadow, get out of there! 
Let's go!
Wife, do you like it when I fuck you?
I sure do!
- Is this nice? 
- Yes.
Serbia as far as the village of Debeljaca
OK. 
Cut! 
Now we'll turn the light of and leave you alone for a bit. 
Let's see if that can help you get an erection.
Never mind, just concentrate.
It's no big deal.
Sometimes things don't go quite as we had planned.
The man might fail to get an erection. 
I knew this would happen. 
A sex scene can never work with a husband and wife.
Sadly, our women haven't been taught by their mothers and grandmothers that a man is a very simple beast to maintain.
Like cattle. 
You give him food and fuck, and you can do what you like with him. 
But nobody teaches our girls that.
So everyone is frustrated. 
I've never seen so many half-naked girls as there are in the streets of Belgrade, and so little sex. 
It's all empty flirting, and the men are definitely frustrated.
Let's go inside and see if.
Ok, ok. 
We did one scene, let's go on. 
You were great.
Take a little brake.
You did good.
Really, as far as I know, my children don't know what we do.
Well, my daughter who lives in Jagodina, the younger one, she might know. 
My picture came out in "Pan erotica" and somebody showed it to her. 
She said, whatever she may do, she is my mother, so what? 
I think we really should be more understanding and accept that it's better than people going and stealing, cheating. 
This is good money, if only there were more films being made. 
But hopefully that will come, too.
What a "trash" atmosphere.
Kusturica would envy me!
You seek out this kind of atmosphere, or?
No, I take it with a certain sense of humor.
I've done shoots in beautiful villas, by swimming pools.
Who do you think were the most important Serbs, historically?
Historically, those would be the Serbs that form the foundation of my values:
The Emperor Dusan, Milos Obilic, Karadjordje,
Milos Obrenovic, Zivojin Misic, Stepa Stepanovic, Vlade Divac.
And above all, Nikola Tesla, perhaps the greatest man ever, in all of humanity.
He was a great player.
If it's not working, we'll make some kind of compromise.
Gentlemen, what'll it be?
What will we do?
I don't know. 
What can we do?
Let make some kind of deal. 
We can get some scenes out of this that we can edit at the studio.
I'll tell you a secret:
I man can never do a good porn scene with his own wife.
Do you know why? 
Because a man's most important organ is his brain; you fuck her every day. 
That's just it.
You are tired of the daily life with that person. 
It's normal.
Yes. 
That's it.
What can we do now?
My assistant will help out with the shooting, by lending us a part of his body. 
I hope your husband won't be jealous.
Of course not. 
- That's what I like to hear!
So, you'll be banging, and we'll just shoot that part.
First you go down on him then you put on the condom, here.
Fine. 
- Put down the camera, and strip. 
We'll shoot you from the waist down. 
- Ok.
- It's agreed.
Just a bit more and we're done.
So you give him a blow job.
Here's a good frame, I got the stag in. 
The stag is the star.
And now you say:
"Now, fuck me hard!"
We decided to move here two years ago. 
We were paying a lot for rent in Jagodina. 
Here, we have the house and the garden for 600 dinars a month. 
Life is easier here in the country, there is seasonal work, more than in the city.
We can grow some food in the garden, or raise some animals.
It's different than when we have to buy everything.
And when there is a film, I can put money aside, or buy something for the house. 
A 300 liter freezer, or a color TV.
I can buy something for the children, a better life.
Just act normal. 
Now put it underneath, like this.
Look kids: 
With an even account, you'll have long love.
Darling, I have to go to a shoot, to make more money.
Ok, dear, have a nice trip.
Please gather the laundry honey, if it's no trouble.
Ok. 
I have a hard-working wife.
She fills up the budget.
It looks like most of the work in the pornography industry goes on in Belgrade and North.
I also visited Novi Sad. 
I was met by Vlada Ljiljak, better known as "Van Lilak", who has directed about a dozen films.
I found out he was a cop in the early 90s. 
Many actors had told me that he was the most decent guy in the business.
He would pay actors, even if the shoot failed.
Guys like that have a hard time surviving.
As far as Novi Sad is concerned, they look kindly on this. 
I am representing the city, just as Stankovic represents Belgrade. 
Other than trouble with my family, I had no problems in the street, with my buddies, colleagues.
So they supported you?
Well, not really supported, they understood, I guess.
Were you criticized? 
Did people stop you and say so-and-so.
Nobody. 
Not even my wife and daughters were bothered.
What I liked most about the porno films was the amateur feeling, the natural feeling.
What they'd call "As it is".
No erection? 
Then no erection.
As long as you shoot it all.
And you make a film that will get the viewer horny, but afterwards he'll also say: 
That was a good film of his.
That was the point for me. 
I searched for a style of my own.
Sex, the Rural Way
What's going on here? 
What's all this fucking around?
And nobody invited me? 
I'll have to set things straight.
Fuck you man, you interrupted me.
Hey, don't get angry, what's this?
I've had enough. 
You've had enough and now you're leaving?
You could stay, I don't mind.
- I'll keep her company.
I heard from Stankovic that Sena was still in Serbia.
She wanted to do another film with him, before she finally left this market. 
The news seemed unbelievable. 
But afterwards I realized that it was her way of saying goodbye to her local career, to the peasants, and to give them something to jerk off to at night.
Simeon Dazdea was the last one of the porno guerilla I was to spend time with.
Stankovic had given him the pseudonym "porno-peasant".
A pure-bread Romanian, but a Serb in the heart. 
A legend in his village. 
A tireless and endless fucker - that was to be the introduction at his live show with Hungarian mares, in Budapest.
How about a question?
Sure, what?
- Do you know Simeon?
Of course, he's our neighbor.
Yes, your neighbor, do you know any of his film work?
Just. 
Just the erotic stuff.
Just the erotic stuff. 
And what do you think about what you saw
Was he any good?
All the best to you! 
So long!
Do you know your fellow citizen, Simeon?
Ah, we thought you were going to film him.
Of course we know him, he often shops here.
Do you know what else he does, besides building?
Yes. 
The man works.
Do you like to see that other stuff he works on, or not?
Well... 
- How do people react to him generally?
Well, they don't.
Don't film me, please. 
He's a good boy, works for a living.
Have you heard of Simeon Dazdea, the actor?
Of course, he's famous around here.
The village mascot, huh?
- Well, I don't know.
Have you seen any of his stuff?
No, nothing. 
I've seen the magazines, that's interesting
And? 
What do you have to say?
- Nothing. 
No comment!
Hi Simeon, come on in.
- Hello.
You're all bandaged up.
Who did this to you?
A guy from my village, a maniac. 
- A maniac?
Yes.
- Tell me how it happened.
Well, a guy attacked me.
- A maniac? 
- Yes.
Why would anyone attack you?
You're a good boy.
He was drunk there had been a wedding. 
When he came back from the wedding, I was at the pizzeria. 
He came over to me.
He took my lighter, he took it.
I asked him to give it back.
He said: 
What?
I said: 
Give me my lighter.
And he came over and hit me.
Was he jealous because you're in this business? 
- Well, yeah.
Can it be that the people in your environment, where you live and work, are jealous of you because of what you do?
Many of them are jealous.
Simeon, if you lived in Hungary or Germany, they would be coming up to ask for your autograph, not to beat you up.
Yes, I've heard that they're very polite over there.
You should move Simeon, there's no future for you here!
I am thinking of leaving. 
Going away, anywhere but here.
Stick a blade of grass between your teeth, kind of carelessly.
Quick! 
Find something.
Yeah, that's the look.
Erzika, you go there, quick!
Simeon, you'll be over here, strolling leisurely. 
Hey, where are you going? 
Not so far dear!
Go! 
Simeon, you are passing by when she picks the flower, and you say: 
Madam, don't pick flowers here at this bend, you might get hit by something.
Hey, it dangerous to pick flowers at this bend.
So where should I pick them?
- I'll show you.
Let me smell the flower you picked at the bend in the road.
And what can I. What are you offering me to smell?
No good, repeat it!
Let me smell the flower you picked at the bend.
And what can I smell?
- Here comes a whole bouquet.
How did I get into the porno business? 
Well, I have been buying porno magazines for a long time. 
They were interesting. 
I always bought them, every one, even back when they were forbidden. 
I thought it was interesting how they got in front of the camera for the shooting. 
I sent in a coupon from "Striptease", a game by Stankovic, and he drew my name, and called me in for the shoot.
Have you heard of your fellow- citizen, Simeon Dazdea, actor?
The actor? 
Yes!
He's good!
Simeon is a nice, regular guy.
He was a "Red Star" supporter.
He walked, for years. 
But I see he is doing well with acting.
I don't know if he was made out for that, but I see he's doing well. 
I think he will be the star of Southern Banat.
He's told us about it, showed us pictures. 
We know he does.
Yeh, I read in. 
That he adores Rocco Siffredi and.
I'd like to be an actor too, but I don't know how.
He's a nice guy, I hope he'll want to give us loans, because we really are in a crisis.
Come over here, I'll show you how to fuck, the rural way.
I was in Sibenik in 1991, doing my military service. 
The Croats attacked our barracks and wanted us to surrender.
We didn't surrender, we fought till the end.
God himself delivered us from those barracks.
I voted for the Radical Party, they are the only party here.
I don't like politics, I don't get involved. 
I know my duty, it is to defend my country.
Politics are not for me.
My duty is to defend my beloved country, and my beloved Serbs.
Serbia, Serbia!
Never Yugoslavia!
See here. 
Now you're going to get up and run, naked, as though he is chasing you across the field.
And say: "Oh dear, what are you doing, I'm going to run away."
Run, but not like your afraid, run like you're teasing him.
Then you both run around naked.
Oh my, I'm going to run from you, through the field.
I've had several girlfriends.
My longest relationship was
With a girl from Timisoara, we were together for three years.
After that, I met a girl from Bosnia.
Well, we met this year, in March. 
We were together until recently. 
Then she heard about the porno film I had made, and wanted nothing more to do with me.
What can you tell us about Simeon?
The porno actor? 
He's a better actor than he is a builder.
Besides films, have you seen what he has done for magazines?
Yes, I have. 
- Yes? 
How many have you seen? 
A couple?
One issue. 
He didn't want to brag with any more than that.
No more? 
- We're waiting to see the film, but.
Well, you can see this one that is being shot now.
Hi. 
- How are you doing, Sima?
- I'm making a porno film.
How did it go?
It was good.
She was good.
What are those magazines?
They're from Slobodan Stankovic.
He sent them for You to look at.
Let's take a look.
Are you in them?
No.
The poem that I'll read to you was written by my neighbor
Trajan, known as Stojan. 
He is letting me read this to you, because he is too embarrassed.
The poem is called "Simeon":
Simeon, the pride of Lokve, you great Serb, women love you, all the village celebrates you.
Tireless, you work the land, at home at night, you work the Ma'am.
Porno-peasant is what they call you, the porno field out there awaits you.
Dig it, sow it, fertilize it, may you have a healthy crop.
May all the world see the Serbian peasant hard at work.
I had only to visit the fair in Budapest now.
For our porno filmmakers, it is the Promised Land.
It is the dream they dream throughout the year, and then they wake up in September for those three days of the event.
Then they go back to Serbia and continue dreaming until the following September.
There, I met Stankovic, Dino, X-man and
Vladan from "Climax", the Huper couple who own "Hexor", the largest distributing company in Serbia, etc.
I had never seen them so happy before. 
They were here, hoping to make some new good deals.
Of course, so far they had never succeeded in that.
Dino was again blown off for the Live Sex stage.
Such a performance would have been a big step in his career.
He will have to try again next year.
The time finally came for me to make my first porno film.
Stankovic put me in touch with Sena. 
We agreed that he would bring her, and act as my expert consultant during the shoot.
Hi.
- Hello.
Sena was happy to see me. 
She was in a good mood during the shoot. 
But I sensed it was only her professional mask.
She kept the mask on, even though she had no reason to any more. 
She had no more business in Serbia.
You will be naked. 
- I know that, you needn't tell me that.
You'll stand there, when I say "Action!" you move over there.
Wait. 
Ok, say it.
- Let's try it. 
Action!
Here, is that enough?
- Yes, yes.
I have to admit that after all the things I went through, in the Serbian sex underground, my former ambitions to make a high standard film, had wavered along the way.
With time, my goal had changed.
I didn't want to escape the domestic aesthetics, I wanted to use it and deepen it.
My motives were probably masochistic, what could I do?
I had fallen in love with the world I had entered.
I had become a part of it.
A good looking couple, well matched.
I need one like that, to grab my tits.
Action!
Go.
Stop!
Sena stayed very shortly after the shoot. 
She was in a hurry, so I saw her to the station.
Along the way, I tried to talk to her about the old times. 
I quickly realized that she was lost forever.
The story was over.
She was traveling into her fiancees embrace.
As a guerilla, you must have weapons.
Dino, give the weapons to your war comrades.
Sure. 
- Look, a storm, a tempest.
Fuck, what a caliber!
One for you. 
And one for you.
And here is one for you, since you're wounded.
He who doesn't watch porno, will have to face the storm!
My time with Stankovic and his porno-guerilla had ended.
Djurica is not in this shot.
After a few skirmishes with Stankovic, He had to leave the business.
Now he is trying to start his own hot-line agency with a partner from Austria.
That's why he often travels abroad.
He plans to leave Serbia for good, soon.
The documentary was almost done.
I had no further news about the porno-guerilla, except that
Stankovic's old dream of making a film in the
Dominican Republic, had come true.
Sex and Fun in Dominicana
This is a game, a dance, oh la la!
On one occasion, Erzika sent me a text message:
Good day. 
I am sorry to bother you, do you know anyone who needs actors? 
We need the money to buy wood for the winter.
Let me know if you hear of anything. 
Erzika.
The shooting of my first-born porno film dragged out.
I never finished it. 
I didn't have the strength.
I returned to my old life, watching porno films and approaching them only theoretically.
The practice had turned out to be too harsh for me.
I never saw another domestic porno film again.
But I will never forget our porno guerilla.
The events left a lasting impression on me.
I think the feeling that I still belong to that world will remain with we for a long time.

Hi, I'm Neal, a typical Indian guy,
But there's nothing typically Indian about me.
I've never even been to India!
Dad was a farmer there, he sowed oats.
But now, he rears horses!
After settling in Canada, Dad brought Mom from Punjab.
The result of their 25 years of hard work is not me it's Albert, their horse!
You go gaga when you see pretty women,
You forget all about me!
I make the tea, I cook the meals.
And they get the kisses?
What rubbish! 
When did you cook meals for the horse?
Come on! 
Let's take a picture!
Don't touch me!
Mom and Dad are very cute.
They can't stay without each other.
And when they're together, they're always fighting!
Unfortunately, both of them are very happy!
And now they want to see me happy.
They want me to get married!
Me! 
The Neal!
Don't get me wrong...
I don't have a problem with girls, they love me!
Neal! 
He rocks, and he's the one to score!
You thought you've seen the best, but he's here to show you more!
N E A L! 
Go Neal!
They tell the whole world, that they're crazy about me!
I'm kidding.
Girls aren't that crazy!
It's not that I don't want to get married.
But you need to choose the right kind of girl, not this domesticated, homely type, you know!
I've told Mom, I'm the athletic type I like football.
Then I have the perfect girl, she's also very sporty and athletic just like you!
Hi! 
I'm Minni!
Wanna play?
If I don't have any kids in the future it's all thanks to Minni!
Neal, look who's here!
Your Daddy's best friend, Harpreet Uncle... and Cherry Aunty, and their daughter Katrina!
Niiiice!
Hello!
Hello! 
- How you doing?
Ok, what's wrong with her?
She's pretty... forget pretty, she's hot!
What are you saying Neal?
Mom and Dad actually got it right?
Damn, I wish this was as simple as buying a car.
Actually, when buying a car, you can test drive it.
You can check how to handle it, its power, it's smoothness
Can it handle curves?
Did you say something?
Would you like to go for a drive?
I'd love to 
- Great!
Harpreet come!
Let me show you my horse!
He's won all possible awards!
He's so proud of him, he praises him in every word he utters!
Why shouldn't I be? 
You can recognize his breeding in everything he does!
He lives up to the Punjabi name!
You go girl!
What happened? 
It's a little big, but there's no need to be worried!
What? 
- Mummy.
Oh my God!
Hello!
Meet Gyaniji!
His job is to impart wisdom, but its only me that he imparts it to,
And I am forced to listen to it because in our house Gyaniji's place comes right after "Babaji's.
Half of Mom's sentences start with "Gyaniji was saying.
I was saying there is no need to worry.
And this is Gyaniji's son, Happy.
Sardar with a Guitar, who wants to be a Rockstar!
Gyaniji, what should I do?
Start the marriage preparations, the girl for Neal, will come from Bhatinda.
"A pretty girl from Bhatinda..."
"...dressed in pink attire..."
"...and silver sequined shoes."
"The cadence of her flowing tresses..."
"...makes the fields go wild with gushes."
"She's loved by God."
"She's loved by all!"
"Her face is sweet, her soul is sweet!"
"Everyone calls her Sweety!"
"Everyone calls her Sweety!"
Neal, what're you doing?
I can't believe you're getting married!
Why did I give you so much advice?
Marriage is not a good thing.
Do we look like happy guys?
Look what his wife has done to him he's got to wear tight clothes all the time!
As soon as I got married my life was over.
After this you're pretty much done.
How could you say yes for the wedding?
A girl from Bhatinda?
You haven't even met her!
Stop panicking guys, Relax.
I decided a long time ago that I will have an arranged marriage.
Why?
Have you seen my girlfriends?
Will you marry any one of them?
It's simple dude!
I don't trust my choice in women!
That's why I said yes to marry Sweety!
Dad in a few days I'll be married and my life will change forever.
And then you know what's going to happen next.
I want to spend the remaining 21 days in Vancouver.
You know, big city, lots of fun.
Dad, I just want to have some fun.
Neal, why do you think married guys don't have fun?
Dad, are you having fun?
- Go son, go!
You sure? 
- Sure.
Dad, ya? 
- Ya!
Hello Vancouver!
"Vancouver here I come!"
"Right here in Vancouver I'm gonna get a lover."
"She'll come to me my baby, heavens what I'm after."
"This is my big chance, to rock and roll and dance."
"I want to party harder, searching for romance."
"O' God, this guy is so lovelorn."
"Gosh! 
He fails to understand this norm."
"That it takes time for the hearts to grow fond."
"Love takes time to bond."
"God, this guy is so lovelorn."
"Gosh! 
He fails to understand this norm."
"And when I meet my baby."
"She's going to drive me crazy."
"Don't know what I would do that would get me high and hazy."
"This is the city where I'm gonna get some action."
"Just wanna have some fun, get some satisfaction."
"That it takes time for the hearts to grow fond."
"Love takes time to bond."
"Right here in Vancouver I'm going to get a lover."
"O' God, this guy is so lovelorn."
So here's the plan, I have 21 days.
And in these 21 days, I am going to meet 21 girls,
So, who's going to be the number 1?
Yeah! 
I am almost there.
Just chill.
Oh! 
I am sorry!
I didn't realize this cab was taken!
I am running so late, can I please have this cab? 
I will do anything. 
- Anything.
Where do you have to go?
- Robson and 12th.
Really. 
- Ya?
Cause I am going to Robson and 13th.
So can I share this cab with you?
- Ya, sure.
Thank you so much.
- Any time.
Papaji, Robson and 12th please.
- Sure.
Thanks.
- You are welcome.
Oh, my phone.
There's my phone.
So aren't you going to ask me out?
Would you say yes?
- Yes!
Will you have dinner with me?
No... but how about a drink tonight?
Seven thirty at the beach house?
Ya!
Alright! 
Oh, by the way there is no Robson and 13th.
There isn't? 
- No.
See you tonight.
Wow! 
You sure have a way with women!
Do you know who she is?
- Who is she?
Check that out!
You hoo, waiter. 
Waiter.
You're talking to me?
Ya... 
I need a corkscrew.
I'm not a waiter!
Liar.
Liar. 
Liar.
Look, I'm not a waiter.
I'm just Neal.
Hi Neal.
You've hidden it, haven't you? 
- Huh?
There! 
- Excuse me?
Don't lie! 
- I'm not lying!
Give it to me! 
- Give what?
Just give it to me. 
- Give what?
Just give me the corkscrew!
Hey, hey what are you doing?
Give it to me! 
Look you're cute.
But you talk too much.
Give it to me!
Having fun?
Carry on. 
Don't let me stop you.
- Okay.
Oh, my God, do you know what you have done?
Take your hands off.
Do you know who she is?
I was on a date.
Hey, excuse me, hello, I am really sorry.
This girl was just trying to get her hands in to my pants.
I mean, she was looking for a corkscrew she thought I was a waiter.
Don't worry about it, just forget it.
Let's start all over. 
- Sure.
I'm Kristy.
- Hi Kristy, I'm Neal.
And how about that glass of red wine?
Coming right up.
Hello? 
Excuse me? 
Can someone get me a drink please?
Bartender?
Hey...
What are you doing here?
- I work here!
Then what were you doing outside?
I was on a break... dumb waiter.
Anyway. 
May I get 2 red wines please?
Sure.
How much?
It's on me! 
- Thanks.
Cheers! 
- Cheers!
Have you been drinking?
- No.
I just saw you, you are fired!
- You can't fire me.
Why not?
- Because I quit.
Hey Kristy, here you go.
- Thanks.
So you look like you can dance?
Yes... 
Well, I have a couple of moves.
Aren't you going to ask me dance?
- Ya.
"No anklets on my feet"
"No bangles in my hands"
"But I'm still searching for the one"
"No kohl in my eyes"
"No bindi on my forehead"
"But I'm still looking for my lover's alley"
"Whoa, I want to show my body"
"Groove the night away"
"My heart just wants to find its lover"
"Let's swing, let's dance!"
"Let's sing, let's prance!"
"Let's swing, let's dance!"
"Let's sing, let's prance!"
"I don't know who these eyes are searching for"
"I don't know who these eyes are searching for"
"For who I shall break all the world's traditions"
"Who fulfills his vows and completes his promises"
"I want to meet him even if my heart bursts open"
"I won't be in control, he'll also lose control!"
"Whoa, I want to show my body"
"Groove the night away"
"My heart just wants to find its lover!"
"Let's swing, let's dance!"
"Let's sing, let's prance!"
Nice song eh?
It's pretty interesting but I don't understand the words.
You know I make some pretty awesome music too.
Really? 
- Ya, you wanna hear?
I 'd love to 
- Great, let's bounce.
"I think I see my lover somewhere here"
"I think I see my lover somewhere here"
"For my lover, I'll cross all my limits"
"I'll pledge my life completely to him"
"I just want to say, he is my treasure"
"If he hugs me now, I'll die happier"
"Whoa, I want to show my body"
"Groove the night away"
"My heart just wants to find its lover!"
"Let's swing, let's dance!"
"Let's sing, let's prance!"
"Let's swing, let's dance!"
"Let's sing, let's prance!"
Take me home!
What?
Take me home!
Hey guys, the band will be back shortly.
Till then, enjoy the drinks and the groove.
Taxi! 
Taxi!
Taxi, Taxi...
Girl's just want to have fun...
Where's a taxi when you need one?
Is there anyone around? 
Taxi!
One second.
Hey come on, let's get out of here.
No. 
- Why?
Carry me. 
- What?
Take me in your arms!
My fiancée and I need a room!
Cheap? 
Or best?
What?
Room! 
Full night, half night, half hour, five minutes?
1/2 hour! 
Cheap room!
4th floor
Thank you
Girl's just want to have fun...
Let's swing, let's dance Let's sing, let's prance!
Come here you!
Hello!
Who's this?
This is Neal!
Who's this?
Where's the girl who the phone belongs to?
She's kind of sleeping, who's this?
Where?
Thorny Rhino, who's this?
What?
The Thorny Rhino in down town...
who's this? 
Hello? 
Hello?
Strange!
Freeze.
All right so she's not pressing charges.
You're free to go.
But stay out of trouble,
And stay out of the Thorny Rhino!
I'm not here to cause any trouble.
I'm just... here to see the sights.
Weird! 
Ok, you bad little thing you!
I know what you're looking at.
I'm sorry.
Oh no, it's ok, people look at them all the time.
They do?
Well Yeah!
They think they're cute.
What do you think?
Ah... they are really nice!
Do you want to know their names?
Oh my God, they have names?
Ya sure, I would love to know their names.
Ok, this one is Teeni and this one is Beenie.
I am trying to help save the whales and Teeni and Beenie are my whales.
Oh, you know what?
I spent last summer in Africa doing the same thing.
Trying to save the whales.
Really? 
- Yes.
Wow!
Ok, there are no whales in Africa.
I know... 
I couldn't save them.
Oh no! 
I'm so sorry, you poor baby.
I know this really great place.
You can actually view the whales in their natural habitat do you want to come?
- Yes.
Really? 
- Yes.
Ok, come on let's go 
- Let's go.
You can see the whales if we swim just past that island.
Oh! 
And the water... it's going to be little bit cold but don't worry.
Once you jump in your body heat is going to heat it up.
It makes it nice and hot.
I can't believe it, it's been so long since I've brought anyone out here.
Are you ready. 
- Yes.
Are you excited? 
- Totally.
I'm so excited.
Aren't you coming in?
Hello? 
- Is this Neal?
Yes.
Are you the idiot who took me to the hotel last night?
Yes, I mean no.
What? 
Did you take me to the Thorny Rhino or not?
Yes! 
But, but but... 
I mean no
You mean you were not the naked guy with me in the hotel room?
No! 
I mean yes! 
I mean no!
Neal I'm feeling cold.
Aren't you coming in?
Oh my God! 
Are you in hotel room with a naked girl right now?
Yes. 
I mean no.
Eeww what a creep!
You will meet me in half an hour at the Bayview Bar!
I want to know, what you were doing with me last night.
I haven't told the police to take any action yet but if you don't show up, I will personally come and cut off your...
I'll be there.
May I help you?
You're fired!
You can't fire me. 
- Why not?
Because I quit.
Hi, I'm Neal.
Ok... nothing happened last night, it's a big misunderstanding!
In fact I was on a date, and you were drunk and you came on to me and...
What?
I went to the hotel with you?
- Yes.
How drunk was I?
What do you mean?
Never mind, why did you take me to a hotel?
Because you told me to take you home!
I said home, not the Thorny Rhino!
And if my friend hadn't called last night, God knows what would have happened!
But nothing happened!
- I know!
Good. 
Then I'm glad this is all cleared up.
I'm out of here! 
- No, sit!
There's one thing I can't understand.
Why were you naked?
Did I tell you to take off your clothes?
Yes, I mean no.
Look I'm going to count to ten, and if you don't tell me what you were doing with me in the hotel room I will scream rape!
You don't know me, I will do it! 
One...
Two
3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10
Ok look, I went for a shower and when I came out I saw that the towels were placed next to you. 
- Why?
Because the hotel staff must have put them there.
No stupid, why did you go for a shower?
Because I felt like it!
I don't believe this!
Do you really think I want to be anywhere near a desperate, alcoholic crazy, stupid, dumb bimbo, who thinks that she can get a date by saying "give me a corkscrew?" Dude!
Oh my God! 
I'm sorry!
I didn't mean to...
My boyfriend left me...
he dumped me!
I should go.
Do you know why he left me?
No, but you're going to tell me?
Even I don't know!
I miss him. 
I hate him. 
Bastard!
But I don't know why, I miss being in love.
But it's over.
I know it must be tough, but by drinking he's not going to come back!
Oh! 
No wonder your boyfriend left you.
Nikita Bakshi.
Ah Guiness Towers please.
Hey Kristy! 
- Hey.
I've really missed you.
Where have you been?
I've been trying to reach you, but I don't have your number.
Oh do you? 
Do you want it?
Ya Great
It's 555
Ya 555... 555 Ya
Eew, you are gross
Oh that.
Cab driver please go.
Oh no no no, please no, please you were saying 555
Just go.
Don't go, don't go, don't go, don't go...
My doggy's name is Bimbo.
Bimbo...
Cool chick pad.
Dear Mom and Dad.
My doggy's name is...
I know... 
Bimbo!
Good Morning Vancouver!
We've got some showers this morning but I promise you it's going to be a bright sunny day.
Excuse me
Are you connected?
Yes.
I want to check my email, may I?
Sure
Hi, I'm Karen.
Hi, I'm Neal.
Hi Neal. 
Nice to meet you.
You really like to dress up for coffee, don't you?
I've just run away from a wedding!
Poor groom!
Not mine silly, it wasn't my wedding!
Interesting pictures...
Oh! 
That! 
Actually, I met her at a party I spoke to her for a few minutes and she just emailed me her photos
Oh! 
It must be difficult no?
Being so popular with the girls.
What to do?
!
Ever since I've come to Vancouver, girls just can't get enough of me!
You're new to Vancouver? 
- Yes.
I know a girl who's exactly your type.
Would you like her number?
Sure! 
Why not?
Great!
Are you looking for a pen?
Mmmmm what's that?
Me. 
- Me smells nice.
Call her. 
She's awesome.
Excuse me. 
- Yes.
Read my chest. 
- What?
Read my chest dude
Absolutely honey! 
555-2072
Thank you
Oh I liked him.
Hi Neal.
Hi awesome!
We'll meet in the evening at seven, Pacific Center. 
Don't be late.
Oh I just love tennis.
Want to play?
No! 
It's more fun watching.
You know, the power, the swing, the energy...
And the mini skirts?
Actually, it's only the mini skirts.
Shall we go?
Aren't you going to have a shower?
Why? 
You don't like me all hot and sweaty? 
Huh?
No I thought I would join you.
Hey Nikki. 
Hi!
I want you to meet someone special.
My new instructor Nikki.
She's just joined us and she plays very well Come on!
Neal this is Nikki!
Nikki! 
Hi!
Hi! 
I'm Nicole!
Nicole... 
Nikki!
It's so nice to meet you!
It's so nice to meet you too!
Ah, may I? 
- Yes.
Nikki, Nikki, Nikki, Nikki, Nikki...
Shall we go?
Nikki.
You know, sometimes I feel...
I should leave professional law and play tennis.
I just love the sport! 
The energy, the physical exercise and the power!
I'm good at it you know, and I...
What?
Nothing!
Come on, then why are you smiling like that?
I just played strip poker with you, in my mind and you lost!
Impossible!
That can't happen, I never lose.
Never?
I only lose when I want to lose!
I like to be in control.
So what makes you lose control?
You.
Neal? 
It's me Nikki! 
Hi!
I've been looking all over for you!
You know that night when you helped me at the restaurant, I felt like I found a true friend we really bonded!
Nikki! 
- Yes?
What are you doing here?
Oh, It's my new job.
You know...
No, I don't want to know, I don't want to!
Can't you see that I'm doing someone... something?
What's your problem?
Why do you always show up at the wrong place?
Why do you always come to the wrong place at the wrong time?
In 21 days I'm getting married and I've only come to Vancouver to get some action.
And this chick was the easiest action ever!
I didn't mean that.
I could get you some action.
Oh, you also supply girls?
I can take you to a place where you will get as much action as you want.
That's why I came to Vancouver
That's your mistake!
The only mistake I made was meeting you!
Meeting me is the best mistake of your life!
Oh really? 
How?
I can take you to Whistler.
Wow Whistler yeh!
What happens there?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Nikki! 
You owe me this.
Dude, Whistler is babe heaven.
All the beautiful girls of the world live there. 
Jennifer Lopez?
Yeah?
What?
Yes.
No way!
Ya way! 
All the boys go there whenever they want to have a good time!
I didn't know that.
- I can see that
Very funny!
I can take you there.
Why? 
Why would you take me there?
Because I feel sorry for you.
You're getting married and all...
So you'll take me to Whistler because you feel bad for me?
I'm a nice girl.
You're not nice, you're crazy.
Yeah! 
I'm a crazy nice girl who's going to Whistler to find a new job.
And this job?
I quit.
33, intelligent, lawyer, divorced and disturbed, hates men!
I've got no chance with her.
What are you doing?
Do you see that girl? 
- Yes.
What do you think she does?
I don't know. 
- Go on, guess!
Ok she's probably a social worker who works in an orphanage.
Plays with kids. 
She looks kind gentle, loving and very sweet.
No! 
Stripper! 
- No!
Yes.
Really? 
- Yes.
Just by looking at a girl you can tell what she does?
Not only that, I can also predict if she will do... you know...
Really? 
- Yes.
Ok, Do me!
Here? 
Now?
No! 
Stupid! 
Analyze me.
Oh, ok. 
Rich parents! 
Only child!
Always protected by your parents.
You always did what you wanted because you know your parents are always there to look after you.
But now you feel you can't do anything on your own.
You've become too dependent.
That's why you've asked your parents for a year's time alone in the city to prove that you are independent you can take care of yourself, and you can take your own decisions because you're a grown up now!
Oh my God, you got all that just by looking at me?
No, I read the email you wrote to your parents.
What?
Oh ya, and you're a virgin
I am! 
No I am not! 
I...
I am not a virgin
Refusing to admit it!
Denial! 
First sign!
I'm so not a virgin!
Second sign - body language.
Nobody should come near me!
You don't know a thing, I'm not a virgin.
I have done it... 
I mean...
I've done it lots of times.
Really? 
- Yes.
What does it feel like? 
- Kickass!
Kickass! 
- Yes.
Haven't done it, huh?
No. 
But I choose not to.
That's why your boyfriend chose to dump you.
That's none of your business.
What do you think of yourself?
You think by reading one email you know me?
You don't know a thing!
Hey, hey, hey! 
There is no need to get angry, it's your decision. 
Live with it!
I am living with it. 
- Good.
I don't even know if I did the right thing or not?
It's so confusing. 
Sometimes I think I should have with Trish...
You know, I should have just done it with him.
Maybe he was the special one.
Ah the special one! 
Part of this complete nutritious breakfast!
Go ahead, make fun of me!
No, I'm not going to.
You did the right thing.
The first time should be with someone special.
Do you know why? 
- Why?
Because you never forget your 'first time'.
And if the first time is with an idiot you have to remember that idiot for the rest of your life.
And you? 
- What about me?
Who was your idiot?
Excuse me?
Your first time? 
Was it special?
Why would I tell you?
Why? 
Who was she?
I'm not going to tell you.
I know you paid for it!
You must have given money!
No I did not! 
- Did too.
Did not! 
- Did too.
Did not.
"Four was the age when I fell in love for the first time."
"We glanced at each other and fell in a rhyme."
"I'm cool now as I was then."
"I'm supercool now as I was then."
"Hey, I'm the Neal I'm the man."
"Rockstar! 
Superstar!"
"Ok, so, what about you?
What's your story girl?"
"I just gave my heart away, without knowing it began to sway."
"I was 9 when I saw him on TV, George Michael was his name."
"Oh that singer? 
He's gay!"
"Did you know?"
"He swings the other way?"
"I was very young, and anyways..."
..."I knew that riding a horse my prince would come..."
"...and softly in my ears he would hum."
"Nikki Bakshi, sweet n sexy."
"Full on rockin', Hot n Happenin'."
"2 ones are 2. 2 twos are 4."
"When I used to calculate, I loved her more."
"She taught Algebra in school, and in my dreams she made me drool."
"What?
! 
You had the hots for your teacher... 
Weirdo!"
"Every girl in the world is my fan..."
"Non-stop loving is the story of this man."
"I'm the Neal. 
I'm the man."
"Rockstar! 
Superstar!"
"Thirteen, fourteen."
"Boys were so boring."
"Fifteen, sixteen."
"You were boring?"
"Oh, grow up!"
"For my glimpse they used to stand in a line."
"For my love they all pined."
"In my dreams my sweetheart stays."
"He comes to me at night and says."
"Nikki Bakshi."
"Sweet n sexy."
"Full on rockin."
"Hot n Happenin."
"If we had met then."
"We could have hooked up then."
"We would never work."
"Our pairing doesn't work."
"I'm cool now as I was then."
"I'm supercool now as I was then."
"I know, I know."
"You're the Neal."
"You're the man."
"Rockstar!"
"Superstar!"
"Nikki Bakshi."
"Sweet n sexy."
"Full on rockin."
"Hot n Happenin."
Stupid... 
Idiot... 
Jerk...
Slime - ball... 
Cockroach.
Why have we stopped?
What does he think of himself?
- Who?
Him! 
My boyfriend!
That truck driver is your boyfriend?
Not him! 
Him!
He's kind of big.
What does he think he is?
Just because his face is on every hoarding, and every box of cornflakes he thinks he can dump me?
He will never get a girl like me Never! 
Understand!
That's true.
He's not dumped me, he's dumped true love.
You and Amanda can go to hell.
Who's Amanda?
A witch who Trish left me for.
Good job!
What didn't I do for him?
I even joined cookery classes for him.
How sweet.
Ok, so I almost killed him...
But did I tell him to be allergic to onions?
I mean... who's allergic to onions?
I'm allergic to prawns.
It's not about you, it's about me.
I'm so over him.
Good for you!
I've forgotten Trish completely!
Good.
- If anyone even asks me about Trish I will say 'Trish... who? 
' 
- Very good.
God! 
It feels so good.
- Good.
Neal, hold me. 
- What?
Take me in your arms, just hold me!
Nikki, I know you're recovering from this Trish thing, but I don't think you and I...
Neal, I only want you to...
just hold me.
Ok Nikki I think you need to relax...
What part of 'hold me' don't you understand asshole?
I don't want to hold you!
Everyone is watching...
Hey! 
Isn't that your boyfriend Trish?
Who? 
Where?
There.
You horrible, evil, manipulative little...
I can explain.
You brought me to Whistler for this?
To make your boyfriend jealous?
I can't believe I fell for this!
Actually it was quite easy.
And now since you're here, just hold me.
Poor guy doesn't have a clue, he doesn't know what's going to hit him!
You know what, I'm going to tell him everything.
I'm going to tell him to run for his life. 
- No.
I'm telling every guy in this world to stay away from you! 
Trish...
Why are you behaving like a girl?
You used me.
I only kissed you
Only? 
You call that only?
Before kissing something needs to exist between people.
There needs to be some sort of relationship.
A kiss is the meeting of two spirits, two souls, two minds.
Oh for God sakes!
I didn't rape you!
You did worse. 
You conned me.
I needed your help.
- You should have just asked for it!
Would you have helped me? 
- No
Don't do that!
What?
Neeeeeeeal. 
Don't play cute with me. 
It won't work.
So what will?
Nothing! 
Nothing will work!
And what if I get you a girl?
Excuse me? 
Did you say what I think you just said?
I'm the Neal!
I don't need your help,
I can get any girl I want!
Really? 
Then why did you come to Whistler with me?
I... 
I came to see the sights
Aahh. 
Go ahead pick a girl!
Choose a girl of your choice!
Fine. 
I can take a girl? 
That one!
That one?
Yeah! 
- Done.
Neal, meet my friend Marie
Nikki's been telling me all about you...
Really now
She's easy, you'll get some action!
If what she says is true, then...
Then?
Then we must hang out!
Come by my work at the crab shack at 7, and we'll get together
Cool
Stop drooling now, she's gone!
What did you say to her?
Do we have a deal?
Deal! 
What do I have to do?
You have to make me yours!
Cool. 
Shall we get a room?
Not like that stupid!
You have to win over my heart!
You have to write poems praising my beauty and then sing them for me like songs of love.
The air will be filled with their melody, they will echo from the mountains rivers and the valleys and everyone will hum your tunes!
And when you sing, the whole world will know what true love means!
Are you totally insane?
Who does these silly things?
You expect me to do this?
Don't be silly.
You performing Amitabh Bachchan's songs?
Never! 
You have to do this.
I want to make Trish jealous!
I want make him beg!
When he sees you making a complete fool of your self, he will come running back to me.
He'll beg me to come back to him.
Men! 
They have small hearts, small brains, and small... everything!
Egocentric, possessive, morons! 
Except you!
Ok I... 
I'll do it, but on one condition.
What?
No more of that kissing stuff huh, please.
Don't worry! 
Nobody kisses in Hindi films!
"With the charming way you come with the tunes that you hum"
"And with the way you smile."
"I'm in love."
"When we kiss and make up."
"I don't know for what reason."
"I'm in love."
"I've waited for ages."
"O' my God, I'm in love."
"O' my God, I'm in love."
"With rejection, with acceptance"
"And with your every nuance"
"I'm in love"
"Unknowingly and strangely,."
"From now to eternity."
"I'm in love."
"I've waited for ages."
"O' my God, I'm in love."
"O' my God, I'm in love."
"You're my dream, my love my light."
"I just wanna spend my life with you."
"You're the one that makes me smile."
"I just wanna spend my life with you."
"Now that you've filled my dreams."
"I want stay in this trance forever!"
"I'm here all around you."
"I'm in your arms with you."
"Believe me, I'm real!"
"In the day or in the night."
"...with everything that keeps you within sight..."
"...
I'm in love"
"In sunshine and in rain..."
"...with our meeting time and again..."
"...
I'm in love"
"I've waited for ages."
"O' my God, I'm in love."
"O' my God, I'm in love."
"My darling let's go chase the stars."
"You're my dream, my love, my light."
"I just wanna spend my life with you."
"You're the one that makes me smile."
"I just wanna spend my life with you."
"The color of your eyes is the color of the sky."
"Let me be a cloud in them."
"You've played with the stars, the moon is your friend."
"I'll be the cloud that engulfs you!"
"With the charming way you come with the tunes that you hum"
"And with the way you smile."
"I'm in love."
"When we kiss and make up."
"I don't know for what reason."
"I'm in love."
"I've waited for ages."
"O' my God, I'm in love."
"I'm in love, I'm in love."
"I'm in love, I'm in love."
"You're my dream, my love, my light."
"I just wanna spend my life with you."
"My life with you."
"I just wanna spend my life with you."
Hey, hello my dear.
What are you doing here?
Well I'm here for a...
you know an ad shoot and well actually Nikki I'm not going to lie to you.
I came here with Amanda.
We are here for the weekend.
So are we. 
This is Neal and I'm not going to lie to you this is my Neal.
Neal this is an old friend, Trish.
No way! 
You're Trish?
Yeah the only one!
I'm like a big fan!
I've seen all your ads.
Especially your underwear one, that's my favorite!
Get it on, get going man.
The briefs that make you feel like superman.'
That's my favorite too you know?
Really!
What happened to him?
He talks in French when he gets really excited.
Yes, yes, true, true, yes!
Hey why don't you guys come to my place for the day?
I don't think we can...
- We would love to.
Ah great! 
So I'll sms you the address with directions.
It's not far, it's like half an hour from here but you know the way Nikki drives it might take you like maximum five minutes.
I know what you mean!
So Neal it was really good to meet you!
Yeah, it was good to meet you too ah!
What are you doing?
Helping you!
You wanted Trish back, right?
Did you notice that he couldn't lie to you about Amanda?
He still loves you!
Why do you think he invited us to his house?
Because he likes you and not me!
He was totally indifferent towards me.
I'm going back to Vancouver
If that's the case, then why is he turning around and checking you out!
Really? 
Is he checking me out now? 
- Not now!
Ok, you can look now!
Just make him more jealous and he'll come running back to you!
You're good!
I'm driving!
Hey guys please come in!
What a cool place you have here Trish!
Thank you!
Well, the girls seem to like it.
Where's Amanda?
She's upstairs getting ready.
Ah, cool.
Hey I've put some crabs on the barbeque.
It might take a while to get ready.
You guys want to play a game?
Yeah.
What about water volleyball?
Super!
Great. 
So we have a guest room just over there.
You can get changed.
And I'll meet you in the pool.
Hey, Nikki you look different.
Is it a new hair cut?
It's her eyes, she's tried something new.
You're right Neal...
it's in the eyes. 
See you!
How's it going, guys?
Hey you!
Hi Amanda
Oh I just loved the way you sing to Nikki.
I mean I've never seen someone so romantic.
I have to tell you it did something to me.
Something deep inside.
I mean I would do anything for a man who would sing to me.
Do you want to swap partners?
Huh!
?
In water volleyball, silly.
Come on you should be on my team, I think it would be fun!
Let the games begin!
If you a get this next one, I'll sleep with you.
You're dead, you're gone.
Let's go! 
Let's go!
I'm coming to get you!
You are history!
I'm sorry
Are you sure you're okay?
Yeah of course... it has swollen up, hasn't it?
Just a little bit
How big is a little?
Oh my God! 
Show me a mirror now!
And you can carry me Trishi pooh!
Where are you going?
I'm going to kill Neal!
Wait, but it will slowly go down
I'm still going to kill Neal!
Wait, wait, wait. 
Ma chere.
Nobody is going to notice your nose, I promise you.
Not when they can see the rest of you.
Do know what was the first thing I noticed about you?
My eyes?
No it was your smile, your eyes... this was a bonus
From the colors of the rainbow, with the kohl from your eyes, I've written your name across my heart!
Come on! 
Let's go!
Now? 
- Yes, Now!
But I mean, I'm like, like you know
Come on! 
Let's go.
No!
I love you!
No! 
She is mine.
Ok tell me now, what happened?
Nothing!
Oh my God! 
You did it! 
He wants you back, right?
Yup he loves me and he hates you!
I just hate him! 
What the hell are you doing with a guy like him?
Did you hear him when you were singing...
he... he sounds like a pig a pig with a sore throat!
I'm jealous, Nikki. 
It just destroys me inside.
It hurt me so... so bad!
Trishi pooh misses you so much!
I need you again! 
Please!
Come back in my life! 
Please!
And Amanda?
Amanda? 
Phhh, Gone! 
Finished!
Over! 
Wuuush! 
Asta Lavista Baby!
Aha! 
I told you! 
I told you so!
Knowing you, you must have melted and gone running into his arms and said it's so good to have you back, Trishi pooh!
No! 
I left him! 
I dumped him!
What?
What? 
- I don't know?
I don't understand French.
But I thought you loved him!
Then why did you dump him?
Because he cheated on me!
The day I found out that he was seeing Amanda while he was with me, I forgot everything we ever had!
The only thing that upset me was why didn't I dump him first!
At first I thought it was my fault that he left me for Amanda!
He made me hate me and then it hit me.
Who's he to dump me?
I'll be the one to dump him.
So you did all this to get him back only so you could dump him?
Yup 
- Doesn't make sense?
You're a guy... you won't understand!
Nikki Bakshi you've got guts! 
I like it.
I hope you let him off easy.
Ya, you know me, I can't hurt anyone.
I'm harmless!
Come on, Neal!
Let's go! 
- Ok, but where?
It's payback time!
You've done all this for me.
Now it's my turn. 
I'll give you everything you've ever wanted!
Nikki Bakshi is going to give you a night you're going to remember for the rest of your life!
Wait a minute, What's on your mind huh?
Why don't you read it!
Why are these people celebrating Christmas in summer?
Have you seen the elves?
Oh my God, can I be Santa?
Go ahead, pick an elf!
What's the hurry? 
We've just arrived.
Let me check them out!
Can I have some red wine please?
Of course. 
Here you are
Thank you.
- Hey do you want to dance?
Ya, Sure...
Come on, come on, show it to me!
Oh no, I'm going to beat that!
What are you playing?
Strip poker! 
The one who loses in this game has to take a piece of their clothing off!
Ok I'm going to show it to you now...
Ok as you can see I am winning.
Excellent girls excellent, excellent!
I want to play, too.
What?
Yes I want to play too!
Guys, can I play?
For sure girl!
For sure you can play!
I'll do anything to get you to play!
You're not playing!
Ah C'mon man let her play, look at her, she's hot!
Nikki, get up! 
- No.
You can't play! 
- Why?
Because I've said so, this game is not for you.
Why? 
What are you afraid of?
That I'll win or that I'll lose?
Ok, fine! 
Deal...
Ya now it's going to get good!
So guy's if I lose, what do I take off first?
Ooh damn girl you don't even want me to answer that.
Yey! 
So how many cards do I deal?
Neal! 
Have you gone crazy!
Don't touch me!
I'm just taking you for a little ride
Put me down! 
What are you doing?
I will hit you! 
I will hurt you!
One second 
- Put me down
Here! 
- Put me down, God!
You can play, but I can't?
You have such double standards!
What's your problem?
What's my problem?
What's your problem!
Actually forget it, you won't understand. 
You're a girl!
Neal! 
Neal, Neal hey listen,
Listen, I'm sorry!
I was just bugging you!
Please sorry? 
You know when you get angry you look just like Scooby Doo.
Go ahead pick a girl.
Yes, think of this as a Christmas present from me.
Pick the best one...
The girl who makes you go weak in the knees!
So Neal, who's the girl who really really does it for you?
You.
Why did you do that?
Because you also wanted it! 
- No.
Come on Nikki, don't you think something is happening between us?
Nothing is happening between us!
You know you're lying.
Why are you lying?
Look at the way you give me that look.
What look?
That look! 
That 'come on baby Rock My World' look!
Yuck! 
Puke.
You and me? 
Never!
You're a jerk who's getting married in a few days and you've come here only to get some action.
I am the good girl in the story.
Nothing can ever happen between us!
Nothing? 
- Nothing!
You didn't feel a thing?
You didn't feel the chemistry?
No!
Don't you think the both of us are always looking for reasons to come close to each other?
Really you didn't feel anything at all? 
Nothing?
Oh my God! 
That was amazing!
You can't make me feel this good!
What's wrong with you?
We have to solve this.
We have a problem!
Ok
Nothing can happen between the two us! 
- Nothing
You go that way and I'll go this way!
We'll stay far away from each other!
Ya, that's a good idea!
Brilliant! 
Go!
Ok. 
You sure? 
- Ya!
Cool.
See you in a hundred years.
What have I done?
I spent the night with Neal.
Neal the jerk. 
Neal the idiot...
Neal... the wonderful.
Last night was wonderful.
I've never felt so complete.
I don't know if you're feeling the same way or not?
This feels so right. 
No you feel right.
Last night felt so right.
Neal you've lost it!
You're talking about Nikki.
The same girl who went crazy about her ex-boyfriend the same girl who wanted to cut off your...
Good morning.
- Good morning.
Good morning?
What's the meaning of good morning?
Nikki, good morning means that last night was nothing for him.
You were just another girl.
Idiot why did you say good morning like that?
Ok turn around, hold her, and tell her how wonderful this morning really is.
Why did she get up? 
Ok before she goes somewhere talk to her!
It's a nice day isn't it?
I don't believe this, now we're going to talk about the weather?
How predictable, who wants to talk about last night? 
No one!
Would you like some coffee?
Coffee!
? 
What I would like to know is how were you last night, Mister Know It AII?
What I would like to know is am I one of those girls you came to Vancouver for?
What I would like to know is why are you asking me for coffee?
Coffee would be fine!
Coffee!
? 
Why did I ask her for coffee?
I don't even know how to make coffee!
I wonder why I didn't meet you earlier?
I think that... 
- Don't even think that!
If you think that I am going to drink that coffee you must be crazy!
Look at her. 
She will be the perfect wife.
Mom will also like her.
Actually mom won't like her at all, but who cares?
Nikki... 
I want to say something
I knew this was coming, next he'll say
Nikki you're very sweet and last night was very special but...
Nikki you're very sweet and last night was very special...
Nikki he's about to dump you, just like Trish!
Don't let him do it.
Before he dumps you, dump him!
Neal I know what you're going to say.
What happened last night, happens only with few people.
Wow Neal! 
You and Nikki think alike!
This is the perfect moment.
Propose to her!
Tell her you want to marry her.
Oh God, how pathetic!
What's he doing on his knees?
Will he beg?
Will he ask me not to tell anyone?
Will he tell me not to expect anything from him?
Before he hurts you, dump him!
It's ok, get up.
You can forget about last night.
It didn't mean a thing.
Let's move on, shall we?
Do you want me to drive?
No
Why, do you want to drive?
No
Do you want me to drive?
No.
Good! 
- Good!
Great!
Did you want to listen?
No.
Good
Why have we stopped?
Guys, can we, can we please get a ride to Vancouver? 
- Please?
We've been walking on this road for so long.
And, and we just really need to get back.
I mean, we're going to lose our jobs if we don't.
Please.
Can we please get a ride?
Get in.
Can I turn the radio on?
Look what's he doing, he's touching the poor thing all over.
He's doing it with her permission and she seems to be enjoying it.
I knew the moment I saw him that he is a scoundrel!
It could also be the other way around, she could be playing him
It could also be that he will take advantage of her and then leave her!
If she wants she can stop him but it's fairly obvious that she doesn't want to.
I knew you would think like that!
You guys are all the same.
After you get what you want you're gone!
It's not always our fault!
She must have brought the poor guy here by blinding him with her sweet talk so she can have a good time.
She probably has an ex-boyfriend who dumped her and now she's using this guy to get even with him.
Get out!
Nikki? 
Nikki?
What are you doing? 
Nikki?
What's wrong with you?
I'm saying goodbye! 
Last night was the biggest mistake of my life.
Nikki, Nikki, Nikki, Nikki listen to me, Nikki...
And now you're the idiot who I have to remember for the rest of my life.
Get out! 
Get out!
With God's grace I've been given this opportunity to unite two wonderful families.
This is Baldev Raj, who I know for quite some time.
It's ok, stay seated please.
This is Sweety's mother who's come from Bhatinda,
And this is her elder brother Kuldeep who owns this house.
Sister, please call Sweety.
"With anklets on her feet, the girl with a creamy complexion has arrived."
"Everyone calls her Sweety."
"Everyone calls her Sweety."
Hello 
- Wow, she's beautiful!
Is this the first time you've come to Canada?
No, I used to come during my summer vacations.
How do you like Canada?
- I feel at home!
Sweety, you forgot the cake...
You forgot the cake! 
Oh ehm, ehm,
This is my daughter Nikki. 
She and Sweety are cousins, but they behave like sisters.
They've shared everything in life!
Tea? 
- No Thanks
Cake? 
- Yes Please!
Cake? 
- No, Thank you!
You, inside!
What are you doing here?
Mom said the boy's name was Gurneal Ahluwalia
That would be me!
I am Gurneal Ahluwallia!
You know, GurNEAL Ahluwallia!
You know what you have to do, right?
I know, I have to change my name.
No, GurNEAL!
Go outside and tell everyone that you can't go through with this wedding.
Why? 
Why would I do that?
Because you don't want to marry my cousin!
Sit.
I don't want to...
or you don't want me to?
I don't give a flying...
Fudge!
Really? 
By looking at you it doesn't seem like it.
It looks like you give a flying everything!
That's what you think!
You know what I think?
I think I should get married to Sweety.
What? 
- Yes.
I kind of like her, she's the type of girl you get married to.
She's not the other type.
What other type?
The type of girls I've recently met...
Don't even go there
Like that girl...
what was her name?
Marie that witch! 
Or that man-eating monster Karen?
Or that shameless, naked girl who took you to see the whales, what was her name?
Hey, hey! 
That's not fair!
You're hitting below the belt
Oh, I haven't even started yet.
Hey, where are you going?
I'm going to tell everyone what you were doing in Vancouver or rather who you were doing in Vancouver!
You wouldn't!
Wouldn't I?
Mamma...
Nikki! 
- What happened darling?
Neal wants to say something to all of you!
I do!
?
Neal, what's the matter son?
- Nothing.
Nothing at all, nothing, nothing, what happened? 
Nothing
Neal wants to marry Sweety.
And he wants it to happen as soon as possible.
Heartiest congratulations to all!
Marriages are made in heaven
Congratulations, Gurneal Ahluwallia!
Ok Nikki Bakshi, I will get married but I'll make you dance on my wedding day!
"I've locked eyes with a beautiful girl."
"I've locked eyes with a beautiful girl."
"Let's dance my friend, I've locked eyes with her!"
"Let's rock my friend, I've locked eyes her!"
"My love, I'm not going to sleep tonight."
"My love, I'm not going to sleep tonight."
"As today our eyes have met."
"As today our eyes have met."
"Dancing the night because I've locked eyes with her."
"The feeling is right because I've locked eyes with her."
"Party all night because I've locked eyes with her."
"The music's so right because I've locked eyes with her."
"Since our eyes have met, I'm going to dance with you."
"With anklets on I'm going to dance with you."
"Show me your moves if you want to dance with me."
"Get in to groove if you want to dance with me."
"My love, I'm not going to sleep tonight."
"My love, I'm not going to sleep tonight."
"As today our eyes have met."
"As today our eyes have met."
"Dancing the night because I've locked eyes with her."
"The feeling is right because I've locked eyes with her."
"Party all night because I've locked eyes with her."
"The music's so right because I've locked eyes with her."
"I'll flutter my eyes in your arms."
"I'll flutter your heart when I dance."
"I drive you crazy because I'm making you crave."
"You want me baby because I'm making you crave."
"My love, I'm not going to sleep tonight."
"As today our eyes have met."
"I've locked eyes with a beautiful girl."
"I've locked eyes with a beautiful girl."
"Let's dance my friend, I've locked eyes with her!"
"Let's rock my friend, I've locked eyes her!"
"My love, I'm not going to sleep tonight."
"As today our eyes have met."
"Dancing the night because I've locked eyes with her."
"The feeling is right because I've locked eyes with her."
"Party all night because I've locked eyes with her."
"The music's so right because I've locked eyes with her."
Corkscrew?
So, you are getting married to her?
Isn't that what you wanted?
Ok fine, Get married to her!
See if I care...
No! 
I won't!
You won't?
No because I know you won't let this wedding happen!
Really? 
Why?
Why would I do that?
I know you Nikki Bakshi!
You couldn't watch me dance with Sweety how will you let me marry her?
I hate you, Gurneal Ahluwallia, I hate you.
Hello, welcome. 
- Hello!
Heartiest Congratulations!
- To you too!
Here I am, and where are you?
Ah, you must be bringing the puja plate! 
That's where you are...
Aunty where is Nikki?
I don't know, we've also been searching for her since morning.
Where has she gone?
Nikki where are you?
Hi, hi. 
Good, How are you?
Listen I need to talk to you
We've got it all planned out Neal.
In about a week this whole drama will turn into...
What drama?
If you run out from your own engagement there's obviously going to be some drama!
Who is running from the engagement?
You, of course. 
We couldn't do it but now you can do it.
Here are the tickets...
And the car is waiting for you in the back.
I am not running anywhere, I'm looking for Nikki
Thank you 
- Nikki?
Who's Nikki?
Nikki, my Nikki!
The girl I'm getting married to!
Her name is Sweety! 
Not Nikki!
No dude! 
You're not getting it.
I get it! 
He's lost it.
He's hysterical.
He can't think straight anymore!
Maybe his suit is too tight.
Sometimes I can't think straight when I'm wearing tight clothes.
You're always wearing tight clothes.
- Exactly.
Guys! 
Guys! 
Focus!
Look for Nikki!
Neal what are you doing standing here?
We're all waiting for you.
Come son, come!
Oh I need to check on all the preparations.
Aunty, has Nikki arrived?
No she hasn't come yet.
I don't know where this girl has gone?
Welcome all. 
Today we have all gathered here for the engagement ceremony of Satwinder Kaur and Gurneal Ahluwallia.
May God shower his blessings upon them.
And now they shall exchange the engagement rings.
No thanks
This is not good!
Where are you Nikki?
I'm going to get engaged.
Is this an engagement ring?
- Yes, son
When this is slipped into someone's finger does it mean you are engaged?
Good, son. 
Now you understood everything.
And then after the engagement, it's the wedding? 
- Yes of course!
One second...
Have you seen Nikki?
Nikki? 
No
Ok Go back.
It's mine. 
Hello?
Are you the jerk who slept with me and is now marrying my cousin sister?
Yes! 
I'm the jerk who's marrying your cousin.
So you're not going to stop this engagement?
No! 
And if you don't want this engagement to happen, you know what have to do!
Yes Gyaniji, where were we?
She's here!
This engagement can't happen!
Happy, what's happened to you?
I'm not going to allow this engagement to happen!
I love Sweety, I've loved her since childhood!
We've even exchanged vows over the internet.
I can't live without her.
What's happening? 
Sweety and Neal's marriage is confirmed!
I know father that you don't want me to marry Sweety.
You're always saying that Sweety is very clever that she'll make a mouse out of me and that she's perfect for Neal.
Gyaniji?
But I don't believe it!
Do I look like a mouse?
Sweety, hold this please.
Neal brother, I'm a lover not a fighter.
But for Sweety I'm ready to fight.
Put 'em up! 
Put em up, brother.
Happy you cannot marry Sweety.
No, no, no. 
She's all yours dude.
I don't want to marry Sweety.
Sweety is all yours! 
Enjoy.
Thanks Neal brother!
- You're welcome.
Lets go Sweety!
Happy, listen to me.
You cannot marry Sweety!
"Wearing a pink dress.
And sequined shoes."
"Come with me to the fair!"
Pick a line? 
- What?
Any line. 
- What do you mean?
When a boy asks a girl for her hand in marriage he needs to pick a line.
So what's your line?
Nikki Bakshi, will you marry me?
That's your line?
What part of falling in love don't you understand, jerk!
I haven't met a stupid, dumb, idiotic boy like you ever before!
Remember that morning, it was such a special morning but did you say I love you Nikki baby?
No! 
You asked me do I want coffee?
I don't like coffee, I don't even drink coffee.
You know what your problem is?
You're a thirteen year old spoilt brat who will stay thirteen, for the rest of her life!
And I'm the only one who can tolerate you because I'm a fourteen year old brat who will be fourteen years old for the rest of my life.
And that's why you fool we are perfect for each other.
I want to be part of every part of your life!
So now tell me Nikki Bakshi, will you marry me?
First promise me that whenever I get emotional... you will take care of me?
Promise...
Promise me, that whenever I get confused you will make me underrated?
Promise.
Promise me that every day you will love me the way you are loving me right now?
Promise.
Promise me that you will never look at other girls?
Ok where are we going now?
Ok ask me. 
- What?
Just do it!
Nikki Bakshi will you marry me?
Yes
Cool, so... shall we... kiss.
No
Good. 
Even I don't want to
Good. 
- Good.
Fine. 
- Fine, see you at the wedding then
Ok. 
- Bye. 
- Bye.
Ripped by:
SkyFury

- GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY.
- HEY.
HEY, MORNING, TOM.
HEY,DUNBAR'S ON HIS WAY UP.
YOU DIDN'T OFFER TO GIVE HIM A PIGGYBACK RIDE?
MARTY.
AHH...
OH, COME ON.
YOU ARE CHEAP.
IT'S ONE OF THOSE QUARTERS WITH THE STATES ON 'EM.MY KID COLLECTS 'EM.
HERE WE GO.
GOOD MORNING.
HEY, JIM.
GO AHEAD.
HOW YOU DOIN', JIM?
YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH.
SOMEONE MUST HAVE MOVED THE DESK.
YEAH, THAT WAS ME.MY BAD
I WAS LOOKING FOR A QUARTER I DROPPED.
FOUND IT.
SERIOUSLY, YOU OKAY?
LOOK, I UNDERSTAND IT'S AN INCONVENIENCE,
BUT IF YOU GUYS COULD NOT MOVE THINGS AROUND,
I'D APPRECIATE IT.
MAKES IT SO THAT I DON'T HAVE TO USE MY CANE WHEN I'M IN THE SQUAD.
YEAH, NO SWEAT, JIM.
WHAT'S WRONG, BOSS?
WHO'S UP?
I AM.
YOU KNOW CARL DESMOND,ANTI-CRIME?
THEY JUST FOUND HIS BODY IN A GARBAGE TRUCK AT THE MARINE TRANSFER STATION.
SHOT IN THE HEAD,
BUT THE WEIRD THING IS THERE'S NO BLOOD ON HIS CLOTHES.
ANY BLOOD INSIDE THE BAG?
DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT.
SO HE BLED OUT BEFORE THEY WRAPPED HIM UP.
YEAH. 
IF THAT GARBAGE TRUCK HA'T BROKEN DOWN,HIS BODY WOULD HAVE BEEN DUMPED IN THE ATLANTIC BY NOW.
DID YOU KNOW HIM?
JUST TO SAY HI.
DUTY CAPTAIN'S ON HIS WAY OVER TO CARL'S WIFE TO BREAK THE NEWS.
YEAH, I TALKED TO HIS PARTNER.
HE SAID HE HADN'T SEEN CARL SINCE THEIR LAST TOUR, WHICH WAS YESTERDAY.
THEY DID A DAY TOUR.
WHERE DID THEY FIND THE DUMPSTERS?
PRINCE AND ELIZABETH.
I USED TO HAVE A SOLID INFORMANT.
HE LIVES OVER THERE.
- LET ME SEE IF I CAN GET AHOLD OF HIM.
- GOOD.
ANYBODY KNOW CARL?
YEAH, I DID.
WHAT KIND OF GUY WAS HE?
HE WAS A GOOD GUY, MAN-
- STAND-UP.
WHY? 
WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT?
HE'S JUST ASKING QUESTIONS THAT NEED TO BE ASKED, MARTY.
HE WAS A GOOD GUY AND HE WAS A GOOD COP.
I DON'T NEED TO POINT OUT THAT YOU'RE GONNA WANNA CONDUCT THIS INVESTIGATION RESPECTFULLY, DO I?
WELL, THAT GOES?
I WANNA GET THE SON OF A BITCH WHO DID THIS AS MUCH AS ANYBODY, BUT THIS DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN.
THIS IS A HIT.
YEAH, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN CARL WAS MIXED UP IN ANYTHING SHADY.
I MEAN, IT WAS PROBABLY SOMEBODY THAT HE COLLARED AND THEY JUST CAME BACK TO SETTLE IT UP.
ABSOLUTELY.
EITHER WAY, WE STILL GOT TO ASK AROUND, RIGHT?
JUST KEEP ME INFORMED EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
THERE'S A LOT OF MESSED UP COPS AROUND HERE RIGHT NOW.
I KNOW.
HOW LONG HAS THIS GUY BEEN YOUR SNITCH?
OH, MAN, FOUR YEARS, FIVE.
THAT'S SOME KIND OF RECORD.
HE'S GOT THAT VILLAGE IDIOT ACT DOWN PRETTY GOOD.
NO ONE CONSIDERS HIM A THREAT.
EVEN MORE THAN THAT,HE'S A. MAGNET.
EVERYONE CONFIDES IN THIS GUY.
I THINK THIS MAYBE COULD BE HIM.
DOPEY-LOOKIN'?
YEAH.
THAT'S HIM.
DUNBAR.
HEY, SONNY.
THIS IS MY PARTNER KAREN BETTANCOURT. 
SHE'S COOL.
MA'AM.
SO HERE'S THE DEAL, SONNY.
THERE WAS A DETECTIVE WORKING ANTI-CRIME OUT OF THE 8th PRECINCT-
- CARL DESMOND.
HIS BODY WAS FOUND THIS MORNING WRAPPED IN PLASTIC,THROWN IN A DUMPSTER.
THERE'S SERIOUS MONEY IN IT FOR YOU IF YOU CAN BRING US BACK THE RIGHT INFO.
FANTASTIC.THANKS FOR ASKIN'.
OH, COME ON, SONNY.
WE GOTTA DO THIS NOW?
I DON'T SEE YOU FOR A YEAR
AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT'S,"HEY, SONNY, DANCEOR ME."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
ME AND DUNBAR HAD A GOOD THING GOIN'.
WHERE YOU THINK HE'S BEEN FOR THE LAST YEAR,
FOLLOWING JIMMY BUFFETT AROUND THE COUNTRY?
I'M COMPLETELY SYMPATHETIC TO WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, DUNBAR,
BUT IN THE LAST YEAR, YOU COULDN'T PICK UP THE PHONE
JUST ONCE TO CALL ME? 
COME ON.
WE DON'T NEED THIS GUY.
GIVE US A MINUTE ALONE, KAREN,ALL RIGHT?
HE'S ALL YOURS.
SONNY...
SONNY, I'M SORRY FOR NOT CALLING YOU,BUT HERE WE ARE.
I'M BACK ON THE JOB NOW.
SO WHY DON'T YOU GO DO YOUR THING,
AND YOU BRING ME SOMETHING,
AND I'M GONNA MAKE THIS RIGHT?
LIKE MAYBE YOU PUT ME BACK IN THE FOLD FULL-TIME?
YOU GO GET ME SOMETHING,AND WE'RE GONNA TALK, OKAY?
THAT'S WHAT THIS WHOLE--
SEE, THIS SOUNDS LIKE I'M STARTIN' FROM SCRATCH.
DO YOU WANT BACK IN OR NOT?
YES.
THEN YOU'RE BACK IN.
LOOK, DUNBAR,
I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU.
I FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT.
CARL DESMOND.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
IS HE IN?
I'M RACKING MY BRAIN HERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO WOULD WANNA DO THIS.
AND NO THREATS FROM PERPS YOU GUYS LOCKED UP?
NO, NOTHING LIKE "I'M GONNA KILL YOU,"
NOT THAT I HEARD ANYWAY.
CARL MOONLIGHTING AT ALL?
YEAH, HE DID THE DOO OVER AT THIS BAR CALLED AXIS ON AVENUE D.
IT WAS A REAL UPSCALE JOINT.
I DON'T THINK HE HAD PROBLEMS WITH ANYONE THERE.
ERIC, I HATE TO ASK YOU THIS,BUT YOU KNOW HOW THIS GOES, RIGHT?
YEAH, GO AHEAD.
WAS CARL SEEING ANYONE ON THE SIDE?
NO, NO, AND IF HE DID,HE KEPT IT TO HIMSELF.
DOES MARY BETH KNOW?
CARL'S WIFE?
YEAH.
HANG IN THERE.
ANYTHING.
IS HE GONE?
YEAH.
WELL, I GUESS WE SHOULD HEAD OVER AND HAVE A TALK WITH CARL'S WIFE NEXT.
YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU GO LEAN ON HER WITH IF HER HUSBAND HAD SOME ASS ON THE SIDE?
THAT'S PERFECT.
BOSS?
GO AHEAD. 
MARTY, YOU AND TOM CHECK OUT THE BAR WHERE HE WORKED.
HOW ABOUT ME AND TOM GO TALK TO MARY BETH?
- I MET HER BEFORE.
- IT'S BETTANCOURT'S CASE.
IT'S HER CALL.
WE'RE NOT GONNABE LEANING ON HER.DON'T WORRY.
I'M WORRIED.
AVENUE D. I GOT IT.
ALL RIGHT,LET'S HEAD OUT.
HEY, YOU GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR RIGHT LEG.
LOOKS LIKE A STAIN.
IS THAT FROM KICKING YOUR SHIN ON THE DESK THIS MORNING?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
I'LL GO CHECK IT OUT,AND THEN WE'LL GET GOING.
ALL RIGHT.
DUNBAR, YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, IT'S NOTHING.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
MARY BETH,MY NAME IS KAREN BETTANCOURT.
THIS IS MY PARTNER DETECTIVE DUNBAR.
WE'RE VERY SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.
I KNOW YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANNA DO THIS RIGHT NOW,
- BUT IT'S-- 
- YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT?
I WANT YOU TO FIND WHOEVER DID THIS.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT.
WE'RE GONNA DO EVERYTHING WE CAN.
WE KNOW THAT CARL MOONLIGHTED AT A BAR CALLED AXIS.
JUST WONDERING IF HE EVER MENTIONED ANY PROBLEMS COME OUT OF THAT PLACE WITH CUSTOMERS OR MANAGEMENT.
NO.
DID HE EVER MENTION ANY PROBLEMS HIS PARTNER ERIC MIGHT BE HAVING WITH ANYONE?
NO, NEVER.
DID YOU OWE MONEYTO ANYONE?
- MARY BETH?
- WHAT?
MONEY--DID YOU GUYS OWE MONEY TO ANYBODY?
CREDIT CARDS, MORTGAGE.
BUT NOT TO ANY ONE INDIVIDUAL?
NO.
AND IN RESPECT TO CARL'S WORK,THERE'S NOTHING THAT YOU CAN GIVE US THAT MIGHT HELP US OUT?
THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF,AND IT'S N MUCH,BUT ABOUT A YEAR AGO,
CARL ASKED ME TO CHANGE THE LOCKS.
HE SAID THAT, UM,HE HAD GOTTEN INTO IT WITH THIS SUSPECT
AND THE SUSPECT MADE SOME THREATS,
BUT HE NEVER MENTIONED IT AGAIN.
YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY.
- DID HE GIVE ANY KIND OF A NAME OR DETAIL ABOUT THE CASE THAT COULD HELP US OUT?
- NO. 
I'M SORRY, BUT--
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'RE DONE.
IT'S FINE.
PLEASE CALL ME IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING.
ABSOLUTELY.
DETECTIVE DUNBAR...
I READ ABOUT YOU.
I REMEMBER THINKING HOW TRAGIC THAT WAS,
BUT I HOPE YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE
'CAUSE TONIGHT YOU GET TO GO HOME.
I'M VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, MARY BETH.
SO I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHO WHACKED THIS GUY,OKAY,
BUT I DO KNOW A LITTLE SOMETHIN' ABOUT HIS WIFE.
WHAT ABOUT HER?
WELL, APPARENTLY,SHE'S A BIT OF A PIG.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
GUY I KNOW BONED HER A COUPLE OF TIMES ABOUT A YEAR AGO WHILE SHE WAS MARRIED TO THIS COP...
AND THE DOG DOESN'T STOP BARKING,OFFICER, DAY AND NIGHT.
IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.
GUY HE KNEW,
WHO HAPPENED TO BE SEMI-HOOKED UP,
ALSO BANGING HER.
SO MY GUY SAYS SHE'S A PUNCHING BAG FROM, LIKE, WAY BACK, YOU KNOW?
ALL RIGHT, GO.
YOU'LL HEAR FROM ME.
SO IF THE MURDER COMES BACK TO SOMEONE SHE WAS HAVIN' AN AFFAIR WITH,
I MEAN, EVEN IF IT'S NOT ONE OF MY GUYS,
I'M GONNA COLLECT, RIGHT?
- YOU'LL HEAR FROM ME.
- OKAY.
BETTER BE DAMN CAREFUL ABOUT HOW WE APPROACH THIS.
- HEY, SO WAS THAT YOUR INFORMANT?
- YEAH.
YEAH? 
WHAT DID HE GIVE YOU?
WELL, HE THREW A BUNCH OF STUFF AT US,
BUT UNTIL WE CONFIRM IT,
I'D REALLY RATHER NOT GET INTO IT.
WE SHARE INFORMATION IN THIS SQUAD, DUNBAR.
HE DIDN'T GIVE US INFORMATION.
HE GAVE US RUMORS,AND THERE'S REALLY NO REASON TO GO INTO THAT NOW, IS THERE?
SO YOU GOT A NEXT MOVE?
YEAH, BOSS, WE'RE GONNA NEED TO TALK TO CARL'S WIFE AGAIN.
WELL, SHE'S DOWNSTAIRS RIGHT NOW WITH THE DESK SERGEANT PICKING UP CARL'S BELONGINGS.
YOU' GONNA RUN THESE RUMORS BY HER?
YOU KNOW, MARTY, YOU'RE REALLY STARTIN' TO PI ME OFF.
I JUST WANNA KNOW WHY WE'RE BEING KEPT OUT OF THE LOOP.
THE INFORMANT KNEW AT LEAST TWO LOWLIFES THAT WERE SLEEPING WITH CARL'S WIFE.
NOW WE GOTTA GO ASK HER ABOUT IT.
FEEL BETTER NOW?
I'LL GO GET MARY BETH.
I'LL MEET YOU IN INTERVIEW TWO.
ALL RIGHT.
THIS INFORMANT'S RELIABLE?
VERY.
WE GOT A FEW OTHER DETECTIVES LOOKING INTO WHO MAY HAVE MADE THOSE THREATS AGAINST CARL,
BUT SO FAR WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANYTHING.
WELL, I WISH I COULD TELL YOU MORE ABOUT IT.
ALL I KNOW IS THAT HE SAID HE WAS SCARED ABOUT SOMEBODY THAT HE,
YOU KNOW, PUT AWAY.
UH...
ALL RIGHT, WELL,IN THE MEANTIME,
WE NEED TO CAST OUR NET A LITTLE WIDER.
YOU KNOW,TAKE A LOOK AT EVERYTHING.
I UNDERSTAND.
AND THERE WAS SOMETHIN' DUMPED IN OUR LAPS WE NEED TO DEAL WITH.
WHAT'S THAT?
YOU'LL FORGIVE US IF THIS SEEMS,UH, INAPPROPRIATE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
JUST SAY IT.
WE RECEIVED AN ANONYMOUS PHONE CALL
SAYING THAT THERE HAD BEEN SOME INFIDELITY IN THE LAST YEAR OR SO ON YOUR PART,
AND WE DON'T CARE ABOUT IT AND WE DON'T JUDGE YOU
AND IT'LL ABSOLUTELY STAY IN THIS SQUAD,
- BUT WE HAVE TO-- 
- YOU KNOW, MY HUSBAND WAS FOUND DEAD THIS MORNING,
AND YOU'RE THROWING INFIDELITY IN MY FACE?
HOW DARE YOU?
SIT DOWN.
WHEN A COP GETS KILLED,
AUTOMATIC PHONES GET DUMPED,AND THEY ARE.
SO IF YOU'RE SEEING SOMEONE,
HIS NUMBER'S GONNA COME UP,
AND WE'RE GONNA GET TO HIM EVENTUALLY ANYWAY.
SO WE'RE ASKING YOU,RESPECTFULLY,
TELL US IF ANYTHING'S GOING ON SO THAT WE CAN DEAL WITH IT NOW AND SET IT ASIDE.
WAS THERE SOMEONE ELSE?
CARL AND I HAD A "DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL"ARRANGEMENT.
WHO WERE YOU SEEING?
A VERY NICE MAN
WHO IS MARRIED AND WOULDN'T HURT A FLY.
DID CARL FIND OUT ABOUT HIM?
NO.
OKAY, WELL, WE'RE GONNA NEED HIS NAME AND HIS NUMBER,
BUT YOU HAVE OUR WORD WE'LL BE DISCREET.
ALL RIGHT, OKAY,YOU'RE DOING YOUR JOBS.
I GET IT.
WHAT DID SHE SAY?
DON BELLAMY--
THEY WERE SEEING EACH OTHER FOR ABOUT SIX MONTHS UP UNTIL A COUPLE WEEKS AGO.
SHE'S SAYING THE BREAKUP WAS MUTUAL.
DID SHE TALK ABOUT THE TWO LOSERS THAT YOUR SNITCH TALKED ABOUT?
WE DIDN'T GET TO THAT PART.
WE'RE GONNA START WITH THE MOST RECENT ONES AND WORK OUR WAY BACK.
ALL RIGHT, WELL,WE'LL BRING THIS BELLAMY IN,
IF YOU WANT.
THERE'SOMETHING WE GOTTA DEAL WITH. 
CARL'S PARTNER ERIC--
HE PUT IN FOR A TRANSFER A WEEK AGO.
DID HE GIVE ANY REASON?
LESS OF A COMMUTE.
WE'LL TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT.
- KAREN?
- YEAH.
MY BAD.
MARTY.
YEAH.
THERE ARE ONLY TWO PLACES I CAN MOVE AROUND FREELY--
MY HOME AND IN THIS SQUAD.
- SO I'M ASKING YOU TO KEEP THE RNITURE IN PLACE.
- YEAH, I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
I WAS A LITTLE PREOCCUPIED WITH TRYING TO FIND WHO KILLED A COP,
NOT PLAYING INTERIOR DECORATOR.
I REALIZE THAT,
BUT IF YOU HAPPEN TO THINK ABOUT IT,
COULD YOU KEEP THE CHAIRS UNDER THE DESKS?
YOU EVER HEARD THE EXPRESSION "TAIL WAGGING THE DOG," JIM?
LOOK...
IF YOU EVER NEED A FAVOR
AND IT IS WITHIN MY POWERS TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE,
I'M GONNA DO THAT FOR YA.
DOESN'T THAT SOUND LIKE A BETTER ARRANGEMENT THAN YOU AND ME GETTING DUG IN HERE?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
I'GONNA TAKE UP A COLLECTION
AND I'M GOING TO, UH,
BUY SOME LITTLE BELLS.
I'M GONNA PUT THEM ON THE DESKS AND THE CHAIRS AND, UH, US.
I'M GONNA GET SOME COWBELLS,
AND I'LL PUT 'EM ON ME AND TOM AND KAREN.
- I GOT THINGS TO DO.
- MARTY...
THIS IS GONNA STOP.
I WORK HERE NOW,AND I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
YEAH.
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
that's right
?
?
?
NO, JUST NEEDED A CHANGE.
NOTHIN' TO DO WITH YOU AND CARL WORKIN' TOGETHER?
NO. 
IF THAT WAS THE CASE,I WOULD HAVE WROTE IT DOWN IN MY REQUEST.
DID CARL EVER SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A SUSPECT MAKING ANY THREATS AGAINST HIM?
THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN ABOUT A YEAR AGO.
NO, HE NEVER MENTIONED ANYTHING TO ME.
DID HE EVER SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THINKING HIS WIFE MIGHT BE HAVING AN AFFAIR?
NO.
WHY? 
WAS SHE?
THIS STAYS IN THE ROOM?
YEAH, SURE
MARY BETH ADMITTED TO HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A GUY WHO LIVES OUT IN TETERBORO.
WHY ARE YOU GUYS DIGGING INTO HIS FAMILY BUSINESS
WHEN WE ALL KNOW THAT THIS WAS SOME DESPERADO OUT THERE THAT KILLED HIM?
BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW THAT.
DO YOU KNOW THAT?
NO.
I'M JUST SAYING BEFORE YOU GO HUMILIATING HIS WIDOW,
MAYBE YOU TWO SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON SOME MORE PLAUSIBLE SCENARIOS.
LIKE...
LIKE, I DON'T KNOW.
LIKE SOME GANGBANGER THAT CARL AND I LOCKED UP.
IT'S YOUR REQUEST FOR A TRANSFER THAT'S TRIPPING US UP, ERIC.
WE GOTTA GIVE OUR BOSS A CREDIBLE EXPLANATION,
AND RIGHT NOW WE DON'T HAVE ONE.
I GAVE YOU ONE,SO, YEAH, YOU DO.
HEY, COPS TRANSFER CAUSE THEY'RE MOVING UP OR THERE'S A PROBLEM.
YOU CAN'T SELL CHANGE OF SCENERY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
FINE. 
YOU GUYS WANNA STIR THINGS UP?
YOU WANNA DISRESPECT CARL'S MEMORY? 
OKAY.
BUT I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT I DID NOT COME TO YOU.
OKAY.
ERIC, WHAT'S GOING ON?
CARL WAS BECOMING OVERLY OBSESSED WITH THE IDEA THAT MARY BETH WAS CHEATIN' ON HIM.
HE MENTION THIS GUY IN TETERBORO?
NO, NO, HE NEVER MENTIONED ANYBODY, OKAY?
BUT IT'S ALL HE TALKED ABOUT.
AND SINCE I'M NOT ABOUT TO CALL EARLY INTERVENTION ON MY PARTNER,
I DECIDED TO FIND A NEW COMMAND TO WORK IN.
OKAY?
ARE WE DONE?
WE'RE DONE, YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
- THANKS.
- YEAH.
EXCUSE ME.
DO YOU KNOW OF A CARL DESMOND,MR. BELLAMY?
WELL, I HEARD ON THE NEWS TODAY THAT HE WAS KILLED.
YEAH. 
YOU KNOW HIS WIFE?
DID YOU NOT HEAR THE QUESTION THERE, PAL?
YEAH, I KNOW HER FROM MY STORE.
SHE CAME IN TO BUY A TENNIS BRACELET.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M SORRY.I WAS JUST SETTING YOU UP TO SEE IF YOU'D LIE,
BUT IT JUST DAWNED ON ME THAT OF COURSE YOU'D LIE,
BECAUSE EVERY MARRIED GUY DOES WHEN THE QUESTION'S PUT TO HIM,
SO WE'RE JUST GONNA SKIP ALL THAT CRAP, ALL RIGHT?
WE KNOW YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH MARY BETH DESMOND.
WHO BROKE IT OFF AND WHEN?
- ALL RIGHT, I DID, A WEEK AGO.
- WHY?
- LOOK, I REALIZE THAT THIS SEEMS VERY INAPPROPRIATE...
- WE ARE PAST ALL INAPPROPRIATE.
WHY'D YOU BREAK IT OFF?
MARY BETH WANTED TO BE TOGETHER.
FULL-TIME.
THAT'S RIGHT.
- YOU EVER HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH HER HUSBAND?
- NEVER.
NO? 
NO THREATS,NOTHIN' LIKE THAT?
- NO.
- HE KNEW ABOUT YOU.
YOU AWARE OF THAT?
NO, NO, I DIDN'T.I WASN'T.
YOU KNOW HOW MANY UNSOLVED COP KILLINGS THERE HAVE BEEN IN NEW YORK CITY?
NONE. 
ZERO.
ALL RIGHT, LET ME TELL YOU IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS
I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DEATH OF MARY BETH'S HUSBAND.
NOTHING.
OF ALL THE SCENARIOS,
THERE'S ONE THAT JUST KIND OF KEEPS JUMPING OUT AT US.
CARL DESMOND-
- HE CAME AFTER YOU,
THREATENED YOUR LIFE,
OR HE SAID HE WAS GONNA GO TO YOUR FAMILY AND TELL THEM ABOUT THE--
DID YOU NOT HEAR ME?
YOU GOT PANICKY AND HIRED SOMEBODY TO TAKE HIM OUT.
AND, YES, YOU ARE THAT STUPID OR CRAZY,
'CAUSE ANY GUY WHO'S BANGING A COP'S WIFE IS EITHER ONE OF THOSE OR BOTH.
LOOK,I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH,
NOR DO I HAVE ANY KNOWLEDGE OF WHO MURDERED CARL,ALL RIGHT?
AND AT THIS POINT,
I'M GONNA INVOKE MY RIGHT TO AN ATTORNEY.
SO BASICALLY WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS,
"I GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE,
I'M NOT GONNA COOPERATE
"AND I WANNA CREATE ILL WILL WITH YOU GUYS."
I WANT MY LAWYER.
WE'LL LET HIM STEW FOR A LITTLEIT,
TRY TO GET HIM OFF WANTIN' A LAWYER.
OR DO YOU GOT SOME BIG CRITIQUE ON HOW WE SHOULD DO IT BETTER?
NOPE. 
IT SOUNDS GOOD.
YOU GUYS GET A GENERAL HIT?
NO.HE'S WRAPPED PRETTY TIGHT.
WELL, PHONE DUMP JUST CAME BACK FROM CARL'S HOME.
THERE WAS A PHONE CALL TO HIS PARTNER ERIC AT 1 A.M.
- ERIC MENTION THIS WHEN YOU TALKED TO HIM?
- NO.
WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG WHEN YOU TALKED TO ERIC FITZGERALD?
NOTHING.
WE GOT HIM TO GIVE UP THAT CARL KNEW HIS WIFE WAS BANGIN' AROUND.
WELL, I JUST TALKED TO HIS BOSS,
AND HE'S SAYING THAT ERIC FELT HE WAS GETTINGEANED ON.
NO, IT WASN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL, BOSS.
WELL, EITHER WAY, ERIC SAYS IF THERE'S ANOTHER INTERVIEW,
HE WANTS HIS DELEGATE IN THE ROOM.
WELL, WE'RE DEFINITELY GONNA NEED ANOTHER INTERVIEW,
SO WHO'S THE UNION DELEGATE?
I AM.
- IS HE MESSING WITH ME?
- NO.
ALL RIGHT,SEE YOU IN A BIT.
FIRST OF ALL,ERIC, WE WANNA APOLOGIZE IF WE CAME ACROSSA LITTLE HARSH EARLIER.
WE'RE JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO SHOT YOUR PARTNER.
YEAH, WELL,I WOULD HAVE GONE ABOUT IT A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT,
BUT IT'S YOUR CASE, SO...
WHAT KIND OF COLOGNE ARE YOU WEARING?
IT SMELLS LIKE SOMETHING MY DAD USED TO HAVE.
- WHAT KIND OF COLOGNE AM I WEARING?
- YEAH, IT'S NICE.
SOME ITALIAN NAME,I DON'T KNOW.
LOOK, DON'T TRY TO BE ALL BUDDIES NOW.
I KNOW YOU DIDN'T BRING ME BACK DOWN HERE TO APOLOGIZE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THERE WAS A PHONE CALL FROM CARL'S APARTMENT TO YOUR CELL PHONE LAST NIGHT AT 1 A.M.
WAS THAT CARL?
NO. 
IT WAS MARY BETH,
CALLING TO SEE IF I KNEW WHERE CARL WAS 'CAUSE HE HADN'T COME HOME YET.
I TOLD HER I DIDN'T.
IS THAT SOMETHING SHE DID OFTEN--
CALLED YOU TO CHECK UP ON HER HUSBAND?
SHE MAYBE DID IT A COUPLE OF TIMES.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN INSIDE THAT APARTMENT BEFORE?
ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE TO EVERYBODY THAT YOU'RE STILL A BAD-ASS COP, DUNBAR?
THAT'S IT, ISN'T IT?
'CAUSE LET ME TELL YOU,
YOU'RE OVERCOMPENSATING RIGHT NOW.
- HAVE YOU BEEN INSIDE THEIR APARTMENT BEFORE?
- NO, I HAVEN'T.
ERIC, WHY ARE YOU GETTIN' ALL WORKED UP?
BECAUSE THIS GUY'S TREATING ME LIKE A SKEL,
THAT'S WHY,
AND I'D APPRECIATE-
- NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DESERVE A LITTLE MORE PROFESSIONAL COURTESY.
WE'RE JUST ASKING SIMPLE QUESTIONS.
YOU'RE GIVING US STRAIGHTFORWARD ANSWERS.
I'M NOT SEEING ANY REASON FOR YOU TO GET ALL HEATED UP.
YOU REPRESENTIN' ME HERE, OR DO YOU HAVE YOUR DETECTIVE HAT ON?
DO YOU HAVE A REALROBLEM OR NOT?
IF SO, JUST LEVEL WITH ME,AND THEN WE CAN WALK OUTTA HERE.
DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT MY PROBLEM IS?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT MY PROBLEM IS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, ERIC?
ERIC... 
JUST TELL US.
I SHOULD HAVE CALLED EARLY INTERVENTION.
I SHOULD HAVE TOLD SOMEONE
THAT CARL WAS DEPRESSED,
THAT HE WAS HAVING TROUBLE WITH HIS MARRIAGE,
BECAUSE IF I DID,
HE'D PROBABLY STILL BE ALIVE RIGHT NOW.
DON'T DO THAT TO YOURSELF.
NO, NO.
IF I COULD DO IT ALL AGAIN,
I SWEAR TO GOD I WOULDN'T HAVE... 
OUT.
I WOULD HAVE MADE THAT CALL.
ARE YOU DONE?
SURE.
WE NEED TO START GOING IN A DIFFERENT DIRECTION INVESTIGATION-WISE,
BECAUSE THIS IS TWO TIMES WE'VE TALKED TO THAT GUY
AND ENDED UP WITH NOTHIN',
AND IF WE KEEP BRINGING HIM IN,
EVERY COP IN THAT PRECINCT IS GONNA TURN THEIR BACK ON US,
BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T SEE ALL THE LOOKS THOSE GUYS GAVE US WHEN WE WERE WALKING THROUGH DOWNSTAIRS.
ARE WE ALONE?
YEAH.
ERIC'S LYING ABOUT NOT BEING IN THEIR APARTMENT.
HE'S BEEN THERE RECENTLY.
AND YOU KNOW THIS BECAUSE...
HIS OBNOXIOUS COLOGNE.
WHAT?
WHEN WE WERE TALKING TO MARY BETH,
IT STOOD OUT A LITTLE,
BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST AIR FRESHENER OR SOMETHING,
BUT JUST TALKIN' TO HIM NOW,AS SOON AS HE SAT DOWN,
HE HAS BEEN IN THEIR APARTMENT.
WELL, GOOD,THEN I THINK OUR NEXT MOVE IS WE SHOULD DO A COLOGNE LINEUP.
- I'M SERIOUS.
- NO, I AM, TOO,
AND LET'S MAKE SURE THE LIEUTENANT AND HIS BOSSES ARE THERE
SO THEY CAN LAUGH US OUT OF THE SQUAD.
DID I SAY THE NEXT MOVE WAS TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT IT?
DID I SAY IT WOULD STAND UP IN COURT? 
NO, I DIDN'T.
WELL, THEN WHAT GOOD
BECAUSE IT TELLS US THAT HE WAS IN THEIR APARTMENT LAST NIGHT, KAREN.
IT TELL US THAT HE JUST LIED TO US.
THAT'S A REAL LEAP FOR ME.
WELL, I GUESS WHAT THIS COMES DOWN TO IS WHETHER YOU TRUST ME OR NOT,
AND IF YOU DON'T,
THEN THERE IS NO POINT IN US GOING FORWARD.
YOUR REPUTATION IS ON THE LINE, JIM.
SO IS MINE.
I REALIZE THAT.
THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN.
YEAH, WELL,THIS WAS YOUR LAST CHANCE,THERE, MR. BELLAMY.
NEXT TIME YOU SEE US, YOU'RE GONNA BE WEARING HANDCUFFS.
WE'LL BE YANKING YOU OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING.
WELL, WE'LL DO THIS THE HARD WAY THEN, BOSS.
WE'LL PICK THIS GUY'S LIFE APART.
WHILE THEY'RE LOOKING INTO THAT,
ME AND KAREN NEED TO TALK TO ERIC AGAIN.
WHY?
WE GOT REASON TO BELIEVE THAT ERIC WAS IN CARL AND MARY BETH'S APARTMENT LAST NIGHT.
BASED ON WHAT?
A HUNCH I'M WORKIN'.
THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
YOU WANNA BRING HIM BACK IN HERE,YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHY.
ERIC DENIED HE WAS EVER THERE,
BUT HE'S GOT A VERY DISTINCTIVE COLOGNE,
AND I SMELLED IT WHEN I WAS AT THE APARTMENT TALKING TO MARY BETH LAST NIGHT.
OH, MAN, THE WHEELS HAVE OFFICIALLY COME OFF, LADIESND GENTLEMEN.
BOSS, I KNOW THAT THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS DEAL,
AND I WOULD NEVER ASK FOR ANOTHER INTERVIEW IF I WASN'T POSITIVE.
EXCUSE ME, JIM,ERIC'S A DETECTIVE.
YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU'RE GONNA GO IN THERE AND WORK HIM OVER A LITTLE BIT OF COLOGNE?
I'M NOT GONNA WORK HIM.I'M JUST GONNA TELL HIM THAT I KNOW THAT HE WAS IN THAT APARTMENT.
OH, COME ON.YOU KNOW, HE'S TURNING THIS SQUAD INTO A CIRCUS.
ARE YOU IN ON THIS WITH HIM?
YEAH, I AM.
WOW.
BOSS?
JIM, I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING.
THE COMMISSIONER'S OFFICE--
THEY ASSIGNED YOU HERE
AND THEY SAID YOU WERE FIT FOR DUTY.
NOW I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING SO FAR TO CONTRADICT THAT,
BUT IF THIS BLOWS UP IN YOUR FACE,
YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN.
- DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
- I DO.
- I GUESS THAT MEANS I GOTTA BE IN THE ROOM AGAIN AS HIS DELEGATE.
- OKAY.
BUT I'M TAKING HIM OUT IF IT GETS STUPID UP IN THERE.
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
CONGRATULATIONS, DUNBAR,
A CIRCUS.
YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE HAVE VERY DISTINCTIVE SMELLS BASED ON THE PRODUCTS THEY USE, MARTY,
LIKE YOU AND THAT DANDRUFF SHAMPOO.
ERIC, WE TALKED ABOUT PROFESSIONAL COURTESY EARLIER.
WE'RE GONNA EXTEND THAT TO YOU RIGHT NOW.
WE'RE GONNA TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT WE KNOW.
THEN LAY IT OUT ALREADY.
YOU WERE IN MARY BETH'S APARTMENT LAST NIGHT,
SO NOW WE WANNA KNOWWHAT YOU WERE DOING THERE AND WHY YOU LIED ABOUT IT.
WHO'S SAYING I WAS THERE?
WE KNOW THAT YOU WERE THERE.
ALL RIGHT,SO WHAT IF I WAS?
WHY'D YOU LIE ABOUT IT?
BECAUSE I KNEW IT WOULD LOOK FUNNY.
IT HAD NOTHIN' TO DO WITH HIM BEING KILLED.
SO... 
WHY BRING IT UP?
WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE?
MARY BETH CALLED ME UP FREAKING OUT THAT CARL HADN'T COME HOME.
I JUST WENT OVER THERE TO CALM HER DOWN.
NO, CARL WASN'T SOME 8-YEAR-OLD KID.
WHY WAS HIM BEING OUT LATE SOME KIND OF CRISIS?
IT WASN'T TO ME.
IT WAS TO HER.
HE'S LYING,
AND NOW THE PROFESSIONAL COURTESY IS OFF THE TABLE.
WE'RE GONNA HAND THIS OVER TO INTERNAL AFFAIRS,
AND THIS IS GONNA GET ANYTHING BUT COURTEOUS.
WAIT. 
HOLD UP.
HEY, ERIC, IF YOU WANNA TALK TO A LAWYER FIRST,
I'LL SHUT THIS THING DOWN RIGHT NOW.
NO.
'CAUSE I DIDN'T KILL HIM.
I JUST DISPOSED OF HIS BODY.
THAT'S ALL I DID.
THAT'S ALL I'M ON THE HOOK FOR.
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT HAPPENED?
MARY BETH CALLED ME UP HYSTERICAL,
SAYING THAT SOMETHING HAPPENED TO CARL AND THAT I NEEDED TO GET OVER THERE.
HE WAS ALREADY WRAPPED UP IN THOSE BAGS.
WHY WOULD YOU DUMP YOUR PARTNER'S BODY AND COVER FOR HIS WIFE?
YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH HER.
HE WAS GONNA DIVORCE HER.
MARY BETH WOULD CRY ON MY SHOULDER.
THINGS WENT FROM THERE.
I'M NOT PROUD OF IT,
AND I SURE AS HELL DIDN'T KNOW THAT SHE WAS SLEEPING WITH SOME GUY IN TETERBORO, TOO.
DID SHE SHOOT CARL IN THEIR APARTMENT?
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
YEAH? 
THERE'S NO BLOOD ON THE CLOTHES,
- THERE'S NO BLOOD IN THE BAG.
- DON'T KNOW.
HE WAS WRAPPED UP WHEN I GOT THERE.
I TOLD HER TO CLAIM SELF-DEFENSE,
BUT SHE TOLD ME THAT SINCE CARL WAS A COP,
NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE HER.
WHERE'S THE GUN THAT SHE USED?
- I TOSSED IT INTO THE EAST RIVER.
- ERIC.
I PANICKED, ALL RIGHT?
AND I LOVE HER...
SO I THOUGHT I DID.
WHAT IF THE GUY SHE'S BANGING FROM TETERBORO IS TELLING THE TRUTH?
HE IS TELLING THE TRUTH.
FINE.
GUY'S GOT A LOT OF MONEY,
MARY BETH SEES HIM AS A PARACHUTE,
THIS GUY BAILS ON THE RELATIONSHIP.
SO THEN SHE'S STUCK BACK IN HER MARRIAGE,
BUT CARL WANTS A DIVORCE,
LEAVING HER WITH NOTHIN'.
Oh. 
Good morning.
Can I interest you in some nipples ofVenus?
Rumor has it that you are harboring Madam M uscat.
Is that true?
You make her sound like a fugitive.
She is a fugitive, from her marriage vows, which have been sanctified by God.
Josephine?
Come out here a minute.
Let his radiance have a look at you, hmm?
Is that sanctified enough for you?
It's not the first time.
I'm truly sorry.
You should have come to me.
Your husband will be made to repent for this.
Tell him to repent on someone else's head.
Come on. 
I n!
Monsieur le Comte!
I'm going to make an example ofyou.
I n there.
He's ready.
Well, but confession must be made in the spirit of contrition.
Have you come in the spirit of contrition?
Contrition, yes.
He's ready.
Licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, gluttony, and drunkenness.
Correct.
And what are the 3 conditions for mortal sin?
Serge?
Mortal sin... is sin whose object is... committed by... deliberate...
Consequence...
I ncorrect. 
Didi?
Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter, which is committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent.
Correct.
Gah!
So, how do you know if the coverture is properly tempered?
Ahh, first you check to see if it's at body temperature.
M m-hmm.
Then you dip the palette knife to see that the coverture hardens on it evenly.
Correct.
Closer.
Aah.
In the village, time passed.
And the chocolaterie did not go out of business.
The Comte de Reynaud felt himself being drawn into a strange crusade.
His struggle to transform Serge into a gentleman became more than an act of good will.
It became a test... a holy war between château... and chocolaterie.
Each time, I...
I tell myself it's the last time.
But then I...
I get a whiff of a hot chocolate.
Or...
Or those moon things.
Chocolate seashells.
So small, so plain, so innocent.
I thought, just one little taste, it can't do any harm.
But it turned out that they were filled with rich, sinful...
Buttery filling, and it melts, god forgive me... it melts ever-so-slowly on your tongue and tortures you with pleasure.
Against you alone, have I sinned.
And done what is evil in your sight.
Indeed I was born guilty, a sinner when my mother conceived me.
You desire truth in the inward being, therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart.
Now, the comte was no fool.
Though he hoped to redeem Serge, he knew that this redemption alone would not be enough to regain control over the village.
He understood that some larger lesson needed to be taught.
Some greater problem needed to be identified and solved.
Little did the comte suspect that his greater problem would arrive one quiet afternoon in the dull green waters of the River Tannes.
You're it!
Hey, look!
I'm over here!
You've never really told me what the problem is, between you and Caroline.
'Cause it's none of your damn business.
I'm an embarrassment to her.
I swear, I...
read dirty books.
I eat and drink what I like.
And sin of sins,
I refuse to go to Les Mimosas.
When I was a kid, we used to call it le mortoir.
Uhh.
It's a nursing home for old...
It's in Toulouse.
Mmm.
Caroline loves the thought of a nurse with a clipboard recording my bowel movements.
Mama, Mama, come quick!
They're here!
They've come to Lansquent!
Slow down, Anouk, who's here?
Pirates!
Come on!
Why can't we stay?
Come on!
But why can't we stay?
Ok, enough.
But, Mama, just a little bit.
Come on.
Hello. 
How are you?
Anybody got a sweet tooth?
I bet he's the captain.
Anouk, don't do that.
Anouk, don't do that, please.
How do you do?
Sorry.
I'd like to apologize.
For all of us.
Sincerely.
What for?
For whatever it is you're here to accuse us of.
Why would I do that?
Well, because we river rats are the dregs of society.
With horrible diseases and criminal impulses.
Sounds terrifying.
Is it true?
It's what you townspeople always seem to think, isn't it?
This is not my town.
Sorry.
Well, then, what do you want?
Are you here to save us?
Are you the catholic aid society?
French Family League?
Communist workers?
Which idea are you selling?
Chocolate.
I'm sorry, chocolate?
What's a river rat?
Is it like a pirate?
Yeah, you could say that. 
Yeah.
You could.
Have a look at my treasure chest.
Oh.
Let me guess, they're for sale.
As a matter of fact, they are.
For a mere 30 francs apiece.
You laugh? 
I can get 50 for them in Paris.
Then go to Paris.
We'll take 2, please.
You'll take 2?
Yes, please, absolutely.
Ok.
I don't know if I have the right change.
Just a minute.
They're beautiful.
Ireland's finest.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Listen...
I should probably warn you.
You make friends with us, you'll make enemies of others.
That a promise?
It's a guarantee.
Oh.
What's he up to?
Maybe he's joining the circus.
Sorry, we're closed!
Josephine, you look different.
So do you.
I just want to tell you that I am so sorry.
For everything.
But I've changed.
You see, God has made me a new man.
I ask you, I... 
I beg you, please accept my apology.
I accept.
I promise, from now on, everything will be different.
Everything already is different, Serge.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, when you come home.
Home?
Thanks for the apology.
The flowers are... 
lovely.
No, please don't, Josephine.
We are still married in the eyes of God.
Then he must be blind.
The council has no legal authority to force them to move.
The riverbank is public land.
The mayor wishes to say a few words.
If I may, ladies and gentlemen of the council.
These people are... rootless, Godless drifters.
That's right!
Theirs is the way of slovenly pleasure.
Yes.
They would contaminate the spirit of our quiet town.
The innocence of our children.
Now, the chairman of the council is quite right.
We cannot force them to leave.
Why not?
But we can help them to understand... that they are not welcome.
Josephine?
Josephine, you think you can just walk out on me?
You stupid woman!
You're nothing without me.
You can't even use a skillet!
Can't even put a... goddamn meal on the table.
He's inside.
He's here.
Oh, God.
I need to talk to you.
Please open the door.
I know—
Mama!
Come help me!
Open the door.
Open the door.
I just want to talk to you.
Go sleep it off, Serge!
Ah, you shut up, you bitch!
You've caused enough trouble already!
You—
Unh!
Open this door!
Mama!
Aah! 
Aah!
Oh, my God!
You st—
Stay away from me.
Aah!
Come here now!
Aah!
Aah!
Why, you meddling bitch!
You—
Ahh!
Aah! 
Aah!
Aah! 
Aah!
Who says I can't use a skillet?
Bonjour, monsieur.
Bonjour.
Wonderful.
Come on.
Up. 
Come on.
Up.
Unh.
Come on.
His skull can't be as thick as we thought.
It was like swatting a fly.
Ohh.
The worst is over.
He found out what you're made of.
So did I.
Hi.
Hey.
Mmm.
How long have we got?
She's at the hairdresser for an hour.
Fuffi?
Fuffi.
I'm so sorry, but I have to break the appointment.
Is something wrong?
No. I volunteered to distribute these.
I promised the comte I'd have them out by the end of the day.
Count me in.
Not that I expect any of them to stop by for a hairstyle.
It's not just that.
The comte feels we must stand firm.
We cannot trust these people.
Before you know it, they'll be doing jobs for food.
They'll be begging at our doors.
Not at this door.
Good, Fuffi, good.
Rub, rub, rub.
Rub harder. 
Rub.
Rub. 
Rub.
Rub it. 
Hard.
Keep your head still.
Aha!
Bravo!
Hello, Caroline.
Ifyou want to blame someone, blame me—
Corrupting him with cocoa.
Oh, how dare you, Mother.
He's happy. 
He's fine.
Look at him.
Mama, I—
Well, what about you, Mother?
Are you fine?
I bet she has conveniently forgotten to tell you.
Carol.
Why don't you show them, Mother?
Are you afraid to?
Why don't you show?
Insulin shots.
She has diabetes— very advanced.
She could be blind within a year.
Yeah. 
Couldn't you call me a drug addict?
It sounds a lot more glamorous.
And you—
You sit here feeding her sweets.
There are worse ways to die.
Why don't you just give her rat poison?
It would be faster.
Carol has a flair for drama.
She needs to be in a place where she can be taken care of.
Le mortoir?
I'd rather be in hell.
Ah.
You may get there, Mother.
Luc, come with me.
I don't want to.
He's—
He's happy here.
It's good for him.
I will decide what is good for my son,
Madame M uscat.
Give me another.
It's my life. 
Let me enjoy what's left of it.
Fill 'er up.
Armande, why didn't you tell me?
Is this a chocolaterie, or is it a confessional?
Don't you dare pity me.
Sorry, we're closed.
She just wants a soda water.
I don't serve animals.
Right.
Hello.
Hi.
I just made a fresh batch of monduon.
Anybody interested?
My tummy hurts.
Oh.
I've got just the thing for that. 
Come in.
What about boycotting immorality, then?
Come in.
An old remedy.
From the cocoa tree.
Tastes strange.
M mm. 
Maybe your daddy would like a taste.
He's not my daddy.
He's my pony.
Here. 
It's a lot better than those leaves.
Tastes good.
Come on.
Pantoufle wants to meet you.
He's my kangaroo.
Go ahead.
It's your favorite.
What makes you so sure?
Go on.
Taste it.
Hmm.
That's fantastic.
Oh, thanks.
I have a knack for guessing.
It's good— not my favorite.
Sorry?
All right.
Thanks very much.
You know, I could fix that, ifyou like.
Not with glass, but...
I can make you a nice strong one out of wood.
That's nice ofyou, but I insist on paying you for your work.
Well, that makes 2 of us, then.
Bye.
Thanks again.
She's laughing at us.
Now she's got one of those river people working for her.
Is that a problem?
After all, Christ teaches us—
Look at this.
She's soliciting for stalls and street performers for a fertility celebration on Easter Sunday.
She's cackling at us.
When are you going to do something about it?
Oh, there.
What part ofAustralia is Pantoufle from?
A small town outside of Sydney.
What does he eat?
Leaves, bugs, and worms, of course.
What about chocolate?
Kangaroos don't eat chocolate.
Has he ever tried it?
Have you ever tried chocolate?
He's not interested.
Not interested?
M r. 
Pantoufle, you surprise me.
A world traveler such as yourself not interested in new flavors?
You should be ashamed.
I have a very nice truffle here if he wants to try it.
You are wasting your time.
Oh, I'm sorry.
How do you know you don't like chocolate ifyou refuse to try it?
Do you like worms?
What?
How do you know ifyou've never tasted one?
Ha ha!
Ah.
Ew.
Subtle.
Zesty.
Disgusting.
Go on, my little friend.
Be free.
You tricked me.
Satan... wears many guises.
At times, Satan is the singer of a lurid song you hear on the radio.
At times, the author of a salacious novel.
At times, the quiet man lurking in the schoolyard asking your children if he might join their game.
And at times, the maker of sweet things— mere trifles.
For what could seem more harmless, more innocent... than chocolate?
A bit of a squeak.
Hey...
Guillaume!
I've got something new
Charlie's going to love.
Come on, Charlie.
Come on.
It's me.
I should go.
No, it's not you.
It's—
Uhh!
Where have you been?
I was worried.
Hey!
I'm talking to you.
It's just like all the other towns.
Anouk.
Just tell me what happened.
Are you Satan's helper?
Well, it's not easy being different.
Why can't we go to church?
Well, you can ifyou want, but it won't make things easier.
Why can't you wear black shoes like the other mothers?
He's a fine piece of work, our little nobleman.
No wonder his wife goes gallivanting off.
She's been in Italy for months.
Did you know that?
Armande, the whole town's against me.
What can I do?
Throw me a party.
Ha ha ha!
What?
Wednesday's my 70th.
Let's show the bastards we're ready to go down dancing.
Well... but a party?
You're not well.
You have to face it.
Ok, ok, ok...
But you do this for me, and I promise
I'll check into le mortoir the very next morning without a care in the world.
If I threw a party in this town, no one would come.
They don't need to know who's throwing it.
Armande, listen, I—
No, no, no.
You listen.
I need this.
Huh?
When I need help, I ask for it.
Boys, bring me some more wood.
My mother used to sing that song when I couldn't sleep.
And did it help?
I still didn't sleep, but, yes, yes, it helped.
How's the door?
It squeaks.
Does it?
Ha ha!
How's Anouk?
Is she well?
Oh, she's better.
She's fine.
Good.
How are you?
I'm throwing a party... if anyone shows up.
Thanks.
Who's invited?
A bunch of townspeople.
Tell me something.
Why do you give a damn about what these narrow-minded villagers think?
You're not scared of them, are you?
Coming to the party or not?
I can't.
There's a boycott against immorality, and I must respect that.
That is a problem.
Well, then, I'll leave you with this test ofyour convictions.
What is that?
Your favorite.
My favorite?
M m-hmm.
Is that right?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm undone—
But not my favorite.
Hmm.
I'll come round sometime, get that squeak out ofyour door.
A lot for you.
You see?
Bon appetit, everyone.
Oh!
Ahh.
If the comte finds out...
The comte isn't here.
He wasn't invited.
ls Luc coming?
I'm sure they have other plans.
Luc?
Why are you sleeping?
H mm?
Are you not feeling well?
Happy birthday, Grandmama.
The invitation said 5:00.
I should have read it more closely.
Ifyou had, you'd know there was supposed to be no gifts.
Don't worry so much about the "supposed to."
Like it?
You made me younger.
Very diplomatic.
Mmm.
I have 2 announcements.
Shh!
N umber one— ifyou like what you tasted here, you're going to love my chocolate festival on Sunday.
Advertise on your own time.
What's for dessert?
That brings me to number 2.
It is my duty to announce that there is no dessert here tonight.
Oh!
No dessert?
Because it's on Roux's boat.
Any complaints, see me.
Ha ha ha!
Monsieur le Comte?
Who's there?
I must speak to you.
Whoo!
You see, Monsieur le Comte?
You see?
There's Josephine, that stupid cow.
Something must be done, Serge.
Something must be done.
You done yet?
Almost.
Almost?
H mm?
Come on, leave it.
You're done.
Come with me.
Come on.
I have chocolates...
Chocolate everywhere.
What?
You're all right.
Ahem.
Do you think everyone had a good time?
Shh.
M mm. 
Mmm.
Ha ha ha ha!
I'm tired.
Vianne, Roux.
Thanks.
This was...
Thank you.
I'll take you home.
Oh, for God's sake, don't fuss.
You'll ruin a perfectly decadent evening.
I'm not partial to big, sloppy good-byes.
Ohh.
Ohh.
Armande.
Hmm.
I'll take care of the dishes.
I think I'll sleep in my chair tonight.
Do you like it?
Taking your home with you wherever you go?
Yeah.
Why not?
Your way must be harder—
Each time having to make a new home from scratch.
Well, maybe this time I'll get it right.
What do you mean?
Maybe I'll stay.
What?
Don't you ever think about belonging somewhere?
The price is too high.
You end up caring what people expect ofyou.
No.
Is that so terrible?
Having people expect something ofyou?
How does Anouk feel about it?
What?
All the moving around.
No, she's fine.
She handles it beautifully.
She makes friends easily.
She has such an unusual...
She hates it.
Vianne.
Vianne, come on.
Come on.
Get 'em out of here!
We need more!
H urry up!
Anouk!
Mommy!
Aah!
Anouk!
No!
Jesus!
Uhh!
Come back!
Anouk!
Come back, Vianne!
Aah!
Anouk!
Stop!
No!
No!
No!
Stop it!
Stop it!
Come back!
No!
No!
Come on!
Why did you stop me?
It was too late.
Mom!
There she is.
Oh, my God, there she is!
Mama!
Anouska!
I'm coming!
Oh, my God.
You're hurting me.
Oh, my God.
I just wanted to make sure that, um...
Yes, we're ok.
You?
And I... came to say, uh...
To say good-bye.
Yes, I know.
What?
Your boat.
You've lost your home.
No.
J ust a way to get from place to place, really.
So, how will you, uh...
I'll manage.
Well...
Vianne...
Listen, I...
I know.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Your papa used to ride this bike every single morning.
He would have wanted you to have it.
J ust you promise me that you'll never run away again, ok?
Mama, she...
What?
What's wrong, Luc?
Though we cannot know
Armande Voizin's last thoughts... we can hope they were thoughts of penitence.
We can hope she asked God to forgive the self-indulgence that aggravated her illness and caused her death,
And we can pause to reexamine our own lives.
We can resist those who would lead us into temptation.
Blessed is the one who endures temptation, for when he has stood the test...
Mama... can we go home now?
Of course.
Whatever you like, Mama.
Vianne, did you want me to start the knish for the festival?
Vianne?
Did you—
What are you doing?
Leaving.
First thing in the morning.
Is it because of Armande?
It was not your fault.
It's time, that's all.
This is who I am.
Did you believe anything you told me?
Did you believe I could be better?
Was it all a joke?
I have to pack now.
Ifyou leave, everything will go back to the way it always was.
It is the way it always was.
Not for me.
I know how you feel.
Beg your pardon?
I suppose it can't be easy having her gone.
Can't seem to get used to it, no matter how much time.
But I... look forward to her return.
I don't believe anyone would think less ofyou...
Ifyou were to say she was never coming back.
Good night, Paul.
Caroline!
I'm sorry.
I need to talk to you.
Come in.
Monsieur Comte.
It's all right.
Sorry to bother you, Monsieur le Comte.
All right.
It was the right thing to do, wasn't it?
Of course it was.
I know it was.
It's everything with Josephine.
Serge...
This...
What are you talking about?
The fire, Monsieur le Comte.
I know it was the right thing to do, but, uh, I can't get rid of the faces and the screams.
The fire...
The fire was an act of God.
It was me, Monsieur le Comte.
What?
You told me.
Remember?
You said, "Something has to be done, Serge."
You did, didn't you?
People could have died.
You want their blood on your hands?
On— On my hands?
Should I go to Père Henri and ask for forgiveness?
Listen to me, Serge.
Listen very carefully.
You must leave this village at once... and never return.
Why would I leave my home and my café?
Because I'm evicting you, that's why!
What you have done puts you beyond anyone's help, beyond my help, anybody's help!
Now get out!
Unless you will tell the police what you've done!
Get out! 
Get out! 
Get out!
Oh.
Time to go.
H mm?
Oh, no.
I'm not going.
Well, it's hard for me, too.
Pantoufle hates this.
Stop that.
Please put it on.
I hate you.
You're entitled.
I said put it on.
Ouch!
Well, then, do it yourself!
I can't!
Get up.
I have a bad leg like Pantoufle.
Stop that. 
Get up.
Pantoufle can't walk. 
I can't walk.
Walk. 
Walk!
You're hurting me.
Well, stop being...
Let me go!
No!
It's not fair!
Stop it!
I'm not going!
It's— Stop it!
I'm sorry, Mama.
I'm sorry.
Don't worry, Mama.
The next town will be better, won't it, Mama?
It will.
It will be wonderful.
I'm ready to go now, ok?
Is this right?
No, no, you've got to cut on the corners like this.
So, just stop them.
Higher.
How do you like these almonds?
Are they chopped fine enough?
Are they ok, Vianne?
Christ is risen.
My friends, let this Easter day be for us, too, a rebirth.
Let us strive—
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, d-don't bury the word "rebirth."
Let it ring out.
Let this day be for us, too, a rebirth!
You see, we are extolling our-our parishioners to— to resurrect their moral awareness.
H mm? 
Ok, good, good.
T-Try again.
I think we've gone over this enough.
Let's call it a day.
What?
I'm very tired.
Fine, fine. 
Well, leave it with me.
I may have one or two suggestions.
Thank you, Monsieur le Comte— J ust a couple of suggestions.
A revision here and there.
I mean, we want it to be perfect tomorrow, don't we? 
H mm?
Yes.
Yes.
We must resist—
We must resist the shallow, worldly temptations of our mortal— No, no.
We must renounce shallow, worldly temptations of our mortal flesh.
Caroline.
All my efforts have been for nothing.
I've suffered willingly.
I've fasted.
I've hardly eaten for weeks now.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, m-my suffering is nothing.
It's just that I— I feel so lost.
I don't know what to do.
Tell me what to do.
Aaah!
H uh.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ohh!
Unhh!
Drink this.
Drink this.
It'll refresh you.
I promise.
Go ahead, drink.
I'm so sorry.
I won't tell a soul.
Hmm. 
Better get cleaned up.
Easter Sunday.
The sermon.
I didn't finish it.
I'll think of something.
I'm not sure what the theme of my homily today ought to be.
Do I want to speak of the miracle of our Lord's divine transformation?
Not really, no.
I don't want to talk about his divinity.
I'd rather talk about his humanity.
I mean, you know, how he lived his life here on earth.
His kindness.
His tolerance.
Listen, here's what I think.
I think we can't go around measuring our goodness by what we don't do.
By what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude.
I think we've got to measure goodness by what we embrace... what we create... and who we include.
It was certainly not the most fiery sermon Père Henri would ever preach...
Nor the most eloquent.
But the parishioners felt a new sensation that day.
A lightening of the spirit.
A freedom from the old tranquilite.
Whoa!
Fantastic!
Thank you.
Even the Comte de Reynaud felt strangely... released.
Although, it would take another 6 months before he'd work up the nerve to ask Caroline out to dinner.
As forJosephine... she took over the lease at the old café and gave it a new name.
But still the clever north wind was not satisfied.
The wind spoke to Vianne of towns yet to be visited.
Friends in need, yet to be discovered.
Battles yet to be fought.
By someone else... next time.
And so it was, the north wind grew weary and went on its way.
When summer came to the little village, a new breeze from the south blew soft and warm.
J ust needed an adjustment.
Hope it'll be better now.
Roux!
My mother knew Roux's return had nothing to do with a silly old door.
So did I.
I thought you'd never guess.
My favorite, hot chocolate.
I knew that.
As for Pantoufle?
Well, his bad leg miraculously healed... and he hopped off in search of new adventures.
I didn't miss him.
SubRip  time-lines improved by HighCode

I deliver perfection...
and don't brag about it! 
:
D
Bonjour, monsieur.
Bonjour, monsieur.
Say bonjour.
Once upon a time... there was a quiet little village... in the French countryside... whose people believed in tranquilite.
Tranquillity.
Come Holy Ghost
Creator come
From Thy bright heavenly throne
Come take possession of our souls
And make them all Thine own
Far from us drive our...
If you lived in this village... you understood what was expected of you.
...unto us bring
And through all...
You knew your place in the scheme of things.
And if you happened to forget, someone would help remind you.
The season of Lent is upon us.
This is, of course, a time of abstinence.
Hopefully, also a time of reflection.
Above all, let this be for us a time... a time of sincere penitence.
It is a time to stand up and be counted.
In this village... if you saw something you weren't supposed to see... you learned to look the other way.
This is a time for Christ.
When you reflect, he knows what you reflect on.
If by chance... your hopes had been disappointed... you learned never to ask for more.
He knows for what you must be forgiven.
So in this Year of Our Lord, 1959, things...
So, through good times and bad... famine and feast... the villagers held fast to their traditions.
Until... one winter day... a sly wind blew in from the north.
Where will we find truth?
Where do we start looking?
Where will we find truth?
We will find it...
Who the hell are you?
Oh, we're here about the patisserie.
We'd like to rent it... and the apartment above.
Where are you from?
Well, we lived in Andalucia for a while.
Let me see.
Before that, Vienna... and before that...
- Athens.
- Pavia.
Pantoufle hated it there.
Pantoufle is her kangaroo.
But he can't hop.
Bad leg. 
War injury, huh?
I'll expect you to keep it in good condition.
What a nice town this is.
Don't you think so, Mama?
It's a lovely town.
Mama, Pantoufle wants to know how long we can stay.
Oh, tell Pantoufle not to worry.
Time for bed.
What story tonight?
Pantoufle wants to hear about grandmere and grandpere.
Not tonight, Anouska.
You always say that.
Tell about grandmere and grandpere.
Not tonight.
How about the princess and the pirates?
OK.
Prepare to fire!
All hands on deck!
Ready, aim... fire!
Forgive the intrusion.
It's a pleasure.
Sorry, monsieur.
- Pirate attack.
- Of course.
What is your name?
Anouk. 
What's yours?
I am the Comte de Reynaud at your service.
A real one?
Like the Comte de Monte Cristo?
Ah-ah!
He was not a real one.
To what do we owe the honour of your visit?
Well, as mayor of Lansquenet...
I want to welcome you to the community... and to invite you to worship with us at mass on Sunday.
That's very kind of you, but actually we don't attend.
We're glad to be so near the church, though.
We'll enjoy singing with the bells.
The bells are not intended as an entertainment, Madame.
They are a solemn call to worship for...
Mademoiselle.
I beg your pardon?
Mademoiselle.
I've never been married... but feel free to call me Vianne.
I hope you'll stop by when I open for business next week.
Yes, opening a patisserie during the holy Lenten fast.
I could imagine better timing.
Oh, but it's not going to be a patisserie.
Then what do you intend to...
It's a surprise.
It was sweet of you to drop by.
The Comte de Reynaud... was a student of history, and therefore a patient man.
He trusted the wisdom of generations past.
Like his ancestors, he watched over the little village... and led by his own example... hard work, modesty... self-discipline.
I have completed the 18th Century.
Madame Clairmont.
Your letter to the editor, Monsieur le Comte.
This paragraph about family and tradition, it's... it's beautiful.
Well, thank you.
I value your opinion.
May I ask... have you been in contact with your mother recently?
Why?
She seems to have rented out the patisserie.
I haven't talked to my mother in quite a while.
I'm sorry.
I did not mean to pry.
Oh, don't be silly.
I have no secrets from you.
How is the comtesse enjoying Venice?
The comtesse?
Oh, she's fine, thank you.
Yes, she's enjoying it very much.
Venice.
I heard she was some kind of radical.
I heard she's an atheist.
What's that?
Don't know.
Come on, Charly.
You should be more careful!
- So sorry, Madame.
- I'm sorry.
- Are you all right?
- I'm fine, I'm fine.
I'm sorry. 
Do you want to come in and sit down?
Please don't trouble yourself.
I'm fine.
No, it's no trouble.
I'm Vianne Rocher.
Caroline Clairmont.
I'm the daughter of your landlady.
This is my son Luc.
Hello.
And this is my Anouk.
Come in, please, where it's warm.
Try this.
I bet you've never had hot chocolate... made from a 2,000-year-old recipe.
Thank you, but no. 
Luc.
What's this?
What do you see, Madame, in this?
Sorry?
What does it look like to you?
Just say the first thing that comes into your mind.
A woman riding a wild horse?
- Ooh!
- Oh, silly answer.
Oh, no.
There are no silly answers.
The pepper triangle, that's for you.
A tiny hint of chilli pepper... to play against the sweetness.
Tangy, adventurous.
What do you see?
I see teeth.
I see blood... and a skull.
Very dark.
Bitter chocolate.
That's your favourite.
Which will have to wait five weeks more.
Lent. 
Thank you.
We must run along.
It's been nice to meet you.
My pleasure.
Pantoufle, come on!
Pirate attack!
How much are those chilli things, please?
4.50 a box.
- Could you put a ribbon on it?
- Mm-hmm.
Then I can pretend they are from my husband.
Of course.
Josephine Muscat.
She waltzes to her own tune.
And these are for your husband... unrefined cocoa nips from Guatemala... to awaken the passions.
You've obviously never met my husband.
You've obviously never tried these.
Don't be pathetic.
You've got a tiny error in problem six... 
Oh!
It's nothing.
It already stopped.
Mother, the new teacher... wants us to correct our own mistakes.
I didn't tell you how to correct the mistake...
I just told you that you made one.
Not hungry, Monsieur le Comte?
The Lenten fast, Madame Rivet.
Are you not supposed to eat something?
It's all right. 
Leave it.
May I help you?
It's expensive.
I don't waste money.
I have a knack for guessing people's favourites.
These are your favourites.
Am I right?
On the house.
I think I'd better...
Well...
This certainly is different.
Yes. 
Very different.
Look at that.
Oh. 
I'm so sorry.
Bonjour, Monsieur Blerot.
Bonjour, Madame Audel.
No. 
Not that way, Charly.
Come on.
Come in! 
Please.
Come on, boy.
I've got something for you.
What's your name?
Charly.
He's fourteen years old.
That's ninety-eight in human years.
No, I meant your name.
Oh! 
Guillaume Blerot.
You're very kind.
He has so few pleasures left.
Would you care...
Would you care to buy... something special for your lady friend?
Lady friend?
The lovely woman your dog was so fond of.
Her favourite is chocolate seashells.
That's my guess.
Oh, no. 
I mustn't.
Madame Audel is in mourning for her husband.
Oh, I'm sorry.
When did he pass away?
The war. 
German grenade.
Well, it's been fifteen years since the war, so...
Not that war.
Monsieur Audel was killed on January 12, 1917.
It was quite a blow to Madame Audel.
Apparently so.
Bonjour, Mesdames!
Bonjour, Monsieur le Comte.
I wish all my tenants... were as reliable as you, Madame Drou.
How is the comtesse enjoying Italy?
Uh... 
She may be extending her trip.
Ah, very nice.
Have either of you seen the new shop across the square?
The chocolaterie? 
Yes.
Shameless, isn't it?
The sheer nerve of the woman... opening a chocolaterie just in time for Lent.
The woman is brazen.
My heart goes out to that poor... illegitimate child of hers.
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin' all the time
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin' all the time
Well, you ain't never caught no rabbit
You ain't no friend of mine
A new addition to the liturgy?
I have a weakness for American music...
Monsieur le Comte.
How long have you been with us, Pere Henri?
It will be five weeks.
Your predecessor, Pere Michel, he was with us for five decades.
Yes, well...
I only pray I can live up to Pere Michel's example.
Yes, that's my prayer also.
I looked at your sermon, as you requested.
I've made one or two notes.
You're very kind.
Not at all.
Oh, one more thing.
If you haven't seen the new chocolaterie... perhaps you might like to take a look.
It's important to know one's enemy.
Don't you think?
Hey, where's my kiss?
Watch where you're going!
Excuse me!
Hello. 
Morning.
What's the decor, Early Mexican Brothel?
No! 
If I need help, I'll ask for it.
What do you see in it?
Not a damn thing.
Come on. 
It's a game.
What do you see?
I see a cranky old woman too tired to play games.
Hmm. 
I've got just the thing for you.
That little girl of yours, does she mind it?
Mind what?
The way you move her from place to place.
Oh. 
She's doing fine.
I think it's good for her.
Seeing new places, meeting new people.
Your cinnamon looks rancid.
Well, it's not cinnamon.
It's a special kind of chilli pepper.
Chilli pepper in hot chocolate?
Mm-hmm.
It'll give you a lift.
There.
It tastes like...
I don't know.
Hop, hop, hop, hop!
Where's your kangaroo?
Hop, hop, hop!
I'm your kangaroo now!
Stop it!
Anouk! 
In this school, we are civilized.
We do not strike one another!
But they insulted Pantoufle!
I don't care.
Didi, Dedou, come along!
And be quiet.
Where's Pantoufle?
My mother says you don't have a father.
Sure I do.
We just don't know who he is.
I was out all night with him.
We swam naked in the Tannes.
At dawn, when I returned to my house in my bed... my mother poked her head in and said...
"Wake up, sleepyhead."
She had no idea I'd been gone.
Sure you didn't put booze in there?
Nah. 
Something better.
Perhaps you should give it to my daughter.
Melt that chilly disposition of hers.
You and Caroline have a problem?
Do we have a problem?
She won't let me see my grandson.
I'm cut off from him.
Why is that?
Armande, why is that?
Oh, I'm a bad influence.
'Cause I don't like her treating him like a trained poodle.
I swear, that boy doesn't piss without her permission.
Ever since her husband died... she's been so...
The way she frets and fusses over that boy.
If only she'd let him run, let him breathe... let him live.
But she worries that he will overexert himself.
Not much danger of that.
She won't even let the poor kid ride a bicycle.
Do you think he'd like to see you?
Do you have more of those bean thingies, please?
Oh, sure.
How many do you want?
How many have you got?
Jack of hearts is a better hunter than you, eh?
Shoots the trump from right out under your nose.
Are you Serge Muscat?
The one and only.
What's your pleasure?
- Is your wife here?
- Josephine?
Well, it depends what you want with Josephine.
Oh, she left this at my shop.
Well, let me have it.
I'll give it to her.
Oh, no. 
I'll give it to her myself, thanks.
Got to go.
I'm late for supper.
But the game's not over yet.
Do you want to play?
You know Belote?
Of course I do.
Sit down.
What do you want?
You forgot this.
What do you want?
To be your friend.
I don't have friends.
Does Serge know you're here?
Does it matter?
Do me a favour.
Try one of these rose creams.
Tell me if you think it's a little heavy on the Cointreau.
I'm coming!
He talks about you.
He says you're indecent.
He says you're an influence.
You're a bad influence for someone like me...
I don't have to listen to a word your husband has to say.
No, not Serge.
Not him.
Reynaud, the mayor.
He... he talks about you.
Time to go.
Look what I won.
That's good. 
Come on.
Bonsoir.
You see?
I said they'd be here.
Luc, mind if I take a peek?
Oh, um...
It's not really...
Show me. 
Oh.
Well, I exaggerated the angle of the head.
You draw beautifully.
What's your going rate?
What?
To do a portrait.
How much would you charge?
Oh, I...
I couldn't.
I'm not really a...
Fifty francs?
Sound reasonable?
It'd be great.
When could you come by my shop?
I'm... 
I'm really sorry, but... the comte forbids it.
He spoke to Mama this morning... and a lot of others.
Whatever you say.
I wish I could. 
I really do.
Thanks for showing me your drawing.
Wait.
Am I breaking any laws?
Tell me?
Am I hurting anyone?
You're asking me my opinion?
What exactly have you been telling people about me?
Only the truth, mademoiselle.
Well... if you're expecting me... to just shrivel up and blow away... you're going to be highly disappointed.
Let me try and put this into perspective for you.
The first Comte de Reynaud... expelled all the radical Huguenots from this village.
You and your truffles present a far lesser challenge.
You'll be out of business by Easter.
I promise you that.
How long have you been standing here?
I forgot to pay you for something the other day.
I'm sorry.
No, it was a gift.
No. 
People talk.
No, people would lie about me.
I don't steal.
Not on purpose. 
L...
Yes, I know.
It's nice to see you.
Would you like to come in for some chocolate?
This is for you.
How sweet of you.
Thank you.
Hmm, it's lovely.
I heard you don't go to church.
That's right.
You won't last long here.
People talk.
Oh, sorry.
I'm behaving badly, aren't I?
No, it's OK.
You don't misbehave here.
It's just not done, did you know that?
If you don't go to Confession... or if you don't dig your flower beds... or if you don't pretend... that you want nothing more in your life... than to serve your husband three meals a day... and give him children and vacuum under his ass... then... then you're crazy.
You must think I'm stupid to stay with him.
No, I don't think you're stupid.
Well, I am. 
I'm weak.
I don't love my husband, and I lie.
Things could be different for you, Josephine.
Serge doesn't run the world.
He might as well.
Is that what you believe?
I know it.
Then it must be true.
My mistake.
You make the most wonderful chocolate.
Pantoufle wants to hear the story... of grandmere and grandpere.
Don't say, "Not tonight." You always say, "Not tonight."
All right, all right.
Your grandfather...
George Rocher... was the young apothecary of the town of Aulus-Les-Bains.
It was Anouk's favourite story.
Always told in the same words.
George was honest, prosperous... and trusted by his customers.
But George was not content.
He felt there should be more to life... than dispensing liver oil.
In the spring of 1927... the Societe Pharmeceutique... formed an expedition to Central America... to study the medicinal properties... of certain natural compounds.
George was the expedition's most eager volunteer.
But his adventure took a turn he did not expect.
One night, he was invited to drink unrefined cacao... with a pinch of chilli.
The very same drink the ancient Maya... used in their sacred ceremonies.
The Maya believed cacao held the power... to unlock hidden yearnings... and reveal destinies.
And so it was that George first saw Chitza.
Now, George had been raised a good Catholic... but in his romance with Chitza... he was willing to slightly bend the rules... of Christian courtship.
The tribal elders tried to warn George about her.
She was one of the wanderers.
Her people moved with the North Wind... from village to village... dispensing ancient remedies... never settling down.
Not a good choice for a bride.
George did not heed their warning... and for a while, it seemed that he and Chitza... might lead a happy life together in France.
Alas, the clever North Wind had other plans.
One morning, George awoke to discover... that Chitza and the little girl Vianne... had gone away.
Mother and daughter... were fated to wander from village to village... dispensing ancient cacao remedies... travelling with the wind.
Just as Chitza's people had done... for generations.
Just as Chitza's people... had done for generations.
Will it just go on forever?
Night, Mama.
I appreciate your coming in, Armande.
What's so important that I had to postpone my nap?
I've got some chocolate cake.
Grandmother.
Grandmother... bonjour.
May I...
Would you like a cup of...?
No, thank you.
I'm just here to do a portrait.
Whose?
Yours, actually.
Is the light OK where she's sitting?
I have something for you, boy.
I've been carrying it around since your last birthday.
It's a book of poetry.
Thank you.
You don't like poetry?
Oh, no. 
Of course I do.
Neither do I.
It's not that kind of poetry.
And in a moment of weakness...
I prayed to the Virgin Mother... to soothe Charly's soul in his hour of suffering.
You understand an animal has no immortal soul.
I understand, mon pere.
Yet you flout God's law.
I'm weak and a sinner.
What else?
Impure thoughts.
The woman who runs the chocolaterie.
Vianne Rocher?
She suggested I buy chocolate seashells... for the widow Audel.
And, well...
I guess that got me to thinking about the widow Audel.
At her age? 
At your age?
Yes. 
And yes.
And just what were you doing in a chocolaterie during Lent?
It was for Charly.
Again you flout God's law.
Well, but if Charly has no soul... then there's no harm in him breaking Lent.
Isn't that so, mon pere?
Ten Hail Marys, twenty Our Fathers.
"Will she never have done, then... that ghoul queen of a million dead bodies?"
"I see myself again... skin rotten with mud and pest... worms in my armpits and in my hair."
It's perfectly wretched, isn't it?
Perfectly.
Would you like some cake?
Ahem. 
I'm not supposed to.
Don't worry so much about not supposed to.
Live a little.
Oh, her hair appointment's almost done.
I have to go.
- What about my picture?
- Next time.
Thank you for the cake.
Don't look so damn pleased with yourself.
Stay here.
I did it.
He... he was so drunk.
He woke up.
He woke up.
He saw me packing, but...
So he tried to come after me... but I had already tied his feet with his belt, and...
Boom! 
Right on his face.
Right there on his big, red face.
It is so stupid, isn't it?
I never blame him.
Sometimes I even forget what really happened.
Now, now, now.
I saved her!
You remember her father collaborated with the Germans?
Nobody wanted to touch her.
Except for me.
And this is the way she repays me?
!
Your anger is understandable.
Anger?
Everybody's laughing at me!
That is not your concern.
Your concern is the sacrament of marriage.
Yeah, of course.
The sacrament.
Dip the ganshbe into the white chocolate.
Like this?
Good.
Yes, shake it, a little.
Good.
Put it on the parchment sheet.
You're doing great.
Oh. 
I'll be right back.
Oh. 
Good morning.
Can I interest you in some Nipples of Venus?
Rumour has it that you are harbouring Madame Muscat.
Is that true?
You make her sound like a fugitive.
She is a fugitive, from her marriage vows... which have been sanctified by God.
Come out here a minute.
Let His Radiance have a look at you, hmm?
Is that sanctified enough for you?
It's not the first time.
I'm truly sorry.
You should have come to me.
Your husband will be made to repent for this.
Tell him to repent on someone else's head.
Come on. 
In!
Monsieur le Comte!
I'm going to make an example of you.
In there. 
He's ready.
Well, but confession must be made... in the spirit of contrition.
Have you come in the spirit of contrition?
Contrition, yes.
He's ready.
Licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery... gluttony, and drunkenness.
Correct.
And what are the three conditions for mortal sin?
Mortal sin... is sin whose object is... committed by... deliberate... consequence.
Incorrect. 
Didi?
Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter... which is committed with full knowledge... and deliberate consent.
Correct.
So, how do you know... if the coverture is properly tempered?
You check to see if it's at body temperature.
Then you dip the palette knife... to see that the coverture hardens on it evenly.
Correct.
Closer.
In the village, time passed.
And the chocolaterie did not go out of business.
The Comte de Reynaud... felt himself being drawn into a strange crusade.
His struggle to transform Serge into a gentleman... became more than an act of good will.
It became a test... a holy war between chateau... and chocolaterie.
Each time, I...
I tell myself it's the last time.
But then I...
I get a whiff of a hot chocolate.
Or those moon things.
Chocolate seashells.
So small, so plain, so innocent.
I thought, just one little taste... it can't do any harm.
But it turned out that they were filled... with rich, sinful...
Buttery filling... and it melts, God forgive me... it melts ever-so-slowly on your tongue... and tortures you with pleasure.
Against You alone, have I sinned... and done what is evil in Your sight.
Indeed I was born guilty... a sinner when my mother conceived me.
You desire truth in the inward being... therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart.
Now, the comte was no fool.
Though he hoped to redeem Serge... he knew that this redemption alone... would not be enough... to regain control over the village.
He understood that some larger lesson... needed to be taught.
Some greater problem... needed to be identified and solved.
Little did the comte suspect that his greater problem... would arrive one quiet afternoon... in the dull green waters of the river Tannes.
You're it!
Hey, look!
I'm over here!
You've never really told me what the problem is... between you and Caroline.
'Cause it's none of your damn business.
I'm an embarrassment to her.
I swear, I read dirty books.
I eat and drink what I like.
And sin of sins...
I refuse to go to Les Mimosas.
When I was a kid, we called it Le Mortoir.
It's a nursing home for old...
It's in Toulouse.
Caroline loves the thought of a nurse... with a clipboard recording my bowel movements.
Mama, Mama, come quick!
They're here!
They've come to Lansquenet!
- Slow down, Anouk. 
Who's here?
- Pirates!
Come on!
- Why can't we stay?
- Come on!
But why can't we stay?
OK, enough.
But, Mama, just a little bit.
Come on.
Hello. 
How are you?
Anybody got a sweet tooth?
I bet he's the captain.
Anouk, don't do that.
Anouk, don't do that, please.
- How do you do?
- Sorry.
I'd like to apologize.
For all of us. 
Sincerely.
What for?
For whatever it is you're here to accuse us of.
Why would I do that?
Well, because we river rats are the dregs of society.
With horrible diseases and criminal impulses.
Sounds terrifying.
Is it true?
It's what you townspeople always seem to think, isn't it?
This is not my town.
Sorry.
Well, then, what do you want?
Are you here to save us?
Are you the Catholic Aid Society?
French Family League?
Communist Workers?
Which idea are you selling?
Chocolate.
I'm sorry, chocolate?
What's a river rat?
Is it like a pirate?
Yeah, you could say that.
You could.
Have a look at my treasure chest.
Let me guess, they're for sale.
As a matter of fact, they are.
For a mere thirty francs apiece.
You laugh? 
I can get fifty for them in Paris.
Then go to Paris.
We'll take two, please.
- You'll take two?
- Yes, please, absolutely.
I don't know if I have the right change.
Just a minute.
They're beautiful.
Ireland's finest.
Thanks.
Thank you. 
Listen...
I should probably warn you.
You make friends with us, you'll make enemies of others.
That a promise?
It's a guarantee.
What's he up to?
Maybe he's joining the circus.
Sorry, we're closed!
Josephine, you look different.
So do you.
I just want to tell you that I am so sorry.
For everything.
But I've changed.
You see, God has made me a new man.
I ask you, I beg you... please accept my apology.
I accept.
I promise, from now on, everything will be different.
Everything already is different, Serge.
Well, I mean, when you come home.
Home?
Thanks for the apology.
The flowers are lovely.
No, please don't, Josephine.
We are still married in the eyes of God.
Then he must be blind.
The council has no legal authority... to force them to move.
The riverbank is public land.
The mayor wishes to say a few words.
If I may... ladies and gentlemen of the council.
These people are rootless, godless drifters.
That's right!
Theirs is the way of slovenly pleasure.
They would contaminate the spirit of our quiet town.
The innocence of our children.
Now, the chairman of the council is quite right.
We cannot force them to leave.
Why not?
But we can help them to understand... that they are not welcome.
Josephine, you think you can just walk out on me?
You stupid woman!
Worthless cow!
You're nothing without me.
You can't even use a skillet!
Can't even put a goddamn meal on the table.
He's inside.
He's here. 
Oh, God.
I need to talk to you.
Please open the door.
I know...
- Mama!
- Come help me!
Open the door.
Open the door.
I just want to talk to you.
Go sleep it off, Serge!
Ah, you shut up, you bitch!
You've caused enough trouble already! 
You...
- Open this door!
- Mama!
Oh, my God!
Stay away from me.
- Come here now!
- Aah!
Why, you meddling bitch!
You...
Who says I can't use a skillet?
Wonderful.
Come on.
Up. 
Come on. 
Up.
His skull can't be as thick as we thought.
It was like swatting a fly.
Ohh. 
The worst is over.
He found out what you're made of.
So did I.
How long have we got?
She's at the hairdresser for an hour.
Fuffi? 
Fuffi.
I'm so sorry, but I have to break the appointment.
Is something wrong?
No. 
I volunteered to distribute these.
I promised the comte I'd have them out by the end of the day.
Count me in.
Not that I expect any of them to stop by for a hairstyle.
It's not just that.
The comte feels we must stand firm.
We cannot trust these people.
Before you know it, they'll be doing jobs for food.
They'll be begging at our doors.
Not at this door.
Good, Fuffi, good.
Rub, rub. 
Rub harder. 
Rub.
Rub it. 
Hard.
Keep your head still.
- Aha!
- Bravo!
If you want to blame someone, blame me... corrupting him with cocoa.
Oh, how dare you, Mother.
He's happy. 
He's fine.
Look at him.
Mama, I...
Well, what about you, Mother?
Are you fine?
I bet she has conveniently forgotten to tell you.
Carol.
Why don't you show them, Mother?
Are you afraid to?
Why don't you show?
Insulin shots.
She has diabetes...
very advanced.
She could be blind within a year.
Yeah. 
Couldn't you call me a drug addict?
It sounds a lot more glamorous.
And you...
you sit here feeding her sweets.
There are worse ways to die.
Why don't you just give her rat poison?
It would be faster.
Carol has a flair for drama.
She needs to be in a place where she can be taken care of.
Le Mortoir?
I'd rather be in Hell.
You may get there, Mother.
Luc, come with me.
I don't want to.
He's happy here.
It's good for him.
I will decide what is good for my son, Madame Muscat.
Give me another.
It's my life.
Let me enjoy what's left of it.
Fill 'er up.
Armande, why didn't you tell me?
Is this a chocolaterie, or is it a confessional?
Don't you dare pity me.
Sorry, we're closed.
She just wants a soda water.
I don't serve animals.
Right.
I just made a fresh batch of monduon.
Anybody interested?
My tummy hurts.
I've got just the thing for that. 
Come in.
What about boycotting immorality, then?
Come in.
An old remedy.
From the cocoa tree.
Tastes strange.
Mmm. 
Maybe your daddy would like a taste.
He's not my daddy.
He's my pony.
Here. 
It's a lot better than those leaves.
Tastes good.
Come on.
Pantoufle wants to meet you.
He's my kangaroo.
Go ahead. 
It's your favourite.
What makes you so sure?
Go on. 
Taste it.
That's fantastic.
Oh, thanks.
I have a knack for guessing.
It's good...
not my favourite.
Sorry?
All right.
Thanks very much.
You know, I could fix that, if you like.
Not with glass, but...
I can make you a nice strong one out of wood.
That's nice of you... but I insist on paying you for your work.
That makes two of us, then.
Thanks again.
She's laughing at us.
Now she's got one of those river people working for her.
Is that a problem?
Christ teaches us...
Look at this.
She's soliciting for stalls and street performers... for a fertility celebration on Easter Sunday.
She's cackling at us.
When are you going to do something about it?
Oh, there.
What part of Australia is Pantoufle from?
A small town outside of Sydney.
What does he eat?
Leaves, bugs... and worms, of course.
What about chocolate?
Kangaroos don't eat chocolate.
Has he ever tried it?
Have you ever tried chocolate?
He's not interested.
Not interested?
Mr Pantoufle, you surprise me.
A world traveller such as yourself... not interested in new flavours?
You should be ashamed.
I have a very nice truffle here... if he wants to try it.
You're wasting your time.
Oh, I'm sorry.
How do you know you don't like chocolate... if you refuse to try it?
Do you like worms?
What?
How do you know if you've never tasted one?
Subtle.
Zesty.
Disgusting.
Go on, my little friend.
Be free.
You tricked me.
Satan... wears many guises.
At times, Satan is the singer of a lurid song... you hear on the radio.
At times, the author of a salacious novel.
At times, the quiet man lurking in the schoolyard... asking your children if he might join their game.
And at times, the maker of sweet things... mere trifles.
For what could seem more harmless... more innocent... than chocolate?
A bit of a squeak.
Hey, Guillaume!
I've got something new Charly's going to love.
Come on, Charly. 
Come on.
It's me. 
I should go.
No, it's not you.
Where have you been?
I was worried.
Hey! 
I'm talking to you.
It's just like all the other towns.
Just tell me what happened.
Are you Satan's helper?
Well, it's not easy being different.
Why can't we go to church?
Well, you can if you want, but it won't make things easier.
Why can't you wear black shoes like the other mothers?
He's a fine piece of work, our little nobleman.
No wonder his wife goes gallivanting off.
She's been in Italy for months.
Did you know that?
The whole town's against me.
What can I do?
Throw me a party.
Ha ha ha! 
What?
Wednesday's my 70th.
Let's show the bastards we're ready to go down dancing.
But a party?
You're not well.
You have to face it.
OK, OK, OK...
But you do this for me, and I promise...
I'll check into Le Mortoir the very next morning... without a care in the world.
If I threw a party in this town, no one would come.
They don't need to know who's throwing it.
Armande, listen, I...
No, no, no. 
You listen.
I need this.
When I need help, I ask for it.
Boys, bring me some more wood.
My mother used to sing that song... when I couldn't sleep.
And did it help?
I still didn't sleep, but, yes, it helped.
How's the door?
It squeaks.
- Does it?
- Ha ha!
How's Anouk? 
Is she well?
Oh, she's better. 
She's fine.
Good. 
How are you?
I'm throwing a party...
If anyone shows up.
Thanks.
Who's invited?
A bunch of townspeople.
Tell me something.
Why do you give a damn about... what these narrow-minded villagers think?
You're not scared of them, are you?
Coming to the party or not?
I can't.
There's a boycott against immorality... and I must respect that.
That is a problem.
Then, I'll leave you with this test of your convictions.
What is that?
Your favourite.
My favourite?
Is that right?
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I'm undone... but not my favourite.
I'll come round sometime... get that squeak out of your door.
A lot for you.
You see? 
It's perfect.
Bon appetit, everyone.
If the comte finds out...
The comte isn't here.
He wasn't invited.
Is Luc coming?
I'm sure they have other plans.
Why are you sleeping?
Are you not feeling well?
Happy birthday, Grandmama.
The invitation said 5.00.
I should have read it more closely.
If you had, you'd know there was supposed to be no gifts.
Don't worry so much about the "supposed to".
Like it?
You made me younger.
Very diplomatic.
I have two announcements.
Number one... if you like what you tasted here... you're going to love my chocolate festival on Sunday.
Advertise on your own time.
What's for dessert?
That brings me to number two.
It is my duty to announce... that there is no dessert here tonight.
No dessert?
Because it's on Roux's boat.
Any complaints, see me.
Monsieur le Comte?
Who's there?
I must speak to you.
You see, Monsieur le Comte?
You see?
There's Josephine, that stupid cow.
Something must be done, Serge.
Something must be done.
- You done yet?
- Almost.
- Almost?
- Hmm?
Come on, leave it.
You're done.
Come with me.
Come on.
I have chocolates everywhere.
What? 
You're all right.
Do you think everyone had a good time?
I'm tired.
Thanks.
This was...
Thank you.
I'll take you home.
Oh, for God's sake, don't fuss.
You'll ruin a perfectly decadent evening.
I'm not partial to big, sloppy good-byes.
I'll take care of the dishes.
I think I'll sleep in my chair tonight.
Do you like it?
Taking your home with you wherever you go?
Yeah. 
Why not?
Your way must be harder... each time having to make a new home from scratch.
Well, maybe this time I'll get it right.
What do you mean?
Maybe I'll stay.
What?
Don't you ever think about belonging somewhere?
The price is too high.
You end up caring what people expect of you. 
No.
Is that so terrible?
Having people expect something of you?
How does Anouk feel about it?
What?
All the moving around.
No, she's fine.
She handles it beautifully.
She makes friends easily.
She has such an unusual...
She hates it.
Vianne, come on.
Get 'em out of here!
We need more! 
Hurry up!
Mommy!
Jesus!
Come back!
Come back, Vianne!
- Stop!
- No!
- No!
- Stop it!
Stop it! 
Stop it!
- Come back!
- No!
Come on!
Why did you stop me?
It was too late.
Mom!
There she is.
Oh, my God, there she is!
Mama!
Anouska! 
I'm coming!
Oh, my God.
You're hurting me.
Oh, my God.
I just wanted to make sure that...
Yes, we're OK.
You?
And I came to say...
To say good-bye.
Yes, I know.
What?
Your boat.
You've lost your home.
Just a way to get from place to place, really.
So, how will you...
I'll manage.
Well...
Well...
Listen, I...
I know. 
I'm sorry.
Your papa used to ride this bike every single morning.
He would have wanted you to have it.
Just you promise me you'll never run away again, OK?
Mama, she...
What?
What's wrong, Luc?
Though we cannot know...
Armande Voizin's last thoughts... we can hope they were thoughts of penitence.
We can hope she asked God... to forgive the self-indulgence... that aggravated her illness and caused her death... and we can pause to re-examine our own lives.
We can resist those... who would lead us into temptation.
Blessed is the one who endures temptation... for when he has stood the test...
Mama...
Can we go home now?
Of course.
Whatever you like, Mama.
Vianne, did you want me... to start the ganache for the festival?
Did you...
What are you doing?
Leaving.
First thing in the morning.
Is it because of Armande?
That was not your fault.
It's time, that's all.
This is who I am.
Did you believe anything you told me?
Did you believe I could be better?
Was it all a joke?
I have to pack now.
If you leave, everything will go back... to the way it always was.
It is the way it always was.
Not for me.
I know how you feel.
Beg your pardon?
I suppose it can't be easy... having her gone.
Can't seem to get used to it, no matter how much time.
Ahem. 
But I...
look forward to her return.
I don't believe anyone would think less of you... if you were to say she was never coming back.
Good night, Paul.
I'm sorry.
I need to talk to you.
Come in.
Monsieur le Comte.
It's all right.
Sorry to bother you, Monsieur le Comte.
All right.
It was the right thing to do, wasn't it?
Of course it was.
I know it was.
It's everything with Josephine.
Serge... what are you talking about?
The fire, Monsieur le Comte.
I know it was the right thing to do... but I can't get rid of the faces and the screams.
The fire...
The fire was an act of God.
It was me, Monsieur le Comte.
What?
You told me. 
Remember?
"Something has to be done, Serge."
You did, didn't you?
People could have died.
You want their blood on your hands?
On... on my hands?
Should I go to Pere Henri and ask for forgiveness?
Listen to me, Serge.
Listen very carefully.
You must leave this village at once... and never return.
Why would I leave my home and my cafe?
Because I'm evicting you, that's why!
What you have done puts you beyond anyone's help... beyond my help, anybody's help!
Now get out!
Unless you will tell the police what you've done!
Get out! 
Get out! 
Get out!
Time to go.
I'm not going.
Well, it's hard for me, too.
Pantoufle hates this.
Stop that.
Please put it on.
I hate you.
You're entitled.
I said put it on.
Well, then, do it yourself!
I can't!
Get up.
I have a bad leg like Pantoufle.
Stop that. 
Get up.
Pantoufle can't walk.
I can't walk.
Walk. 
Walk!
You're hurting me.
Well, stop being...
Let me go!
It's not fair!
Stop it!
I'm not going!
It's... 
Stop it!
I'm sorry, Mama.
Don't worry, Mama.
The next time will be better, won't it, Mama?
It will.
It will be wonderful.
I'm ready to go now, OK?
Like this, Mama?
That's right.
Is this right?
No, no, you've got to cut on the corners like this.
So, just stop them.
Higher.
How do you like these almonds?
Are they chopped fine enough?
Are they OK, Vianne?
Christ is risen.
My friends, let this Easter Day be for us, too, a rebirth.
Let us strive...
No, don't bury the word "rebirth".
Let it ring out.
Let this day be for us, too, a rebirth!
You see, we are extolling our... our parishioners... to... to resurrect their moral awareness.
Hmm? 
OK, good, good.
Try again.
I think we've gone over this enough.
Let's call it a day.
- What?
- I'm very tired.
Fine, fine.
Well, leave it with me.
I may have one or two suggestions.
Thank you, Monsieur le Comte...
Just a couple of suggestions.
A revision here and there.
We want it to be perfect tomorrow, don't we?
We must resist the shallow, worldly temptations... of our mortal... 
No, no.
We must renounce shallow, worldly temptations... of our mortal flesh.
All my efforts have been for nothing.
I've suffered willingly.
I've fasted.
I've hardly eaten for weeks now.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, my suffering is nothing.
It's just that I...
I feel so lost.
I don't know what to do.
Tell me what to do.
Drink this.
It'll refresh you.
I promise.
Go ahead, drink.
I'm so sorry.
I won't tell a soul.
Hmm.
Better get cleaned up.
Easter Sunday.
The sermon.
I didn't finish it.
I'll think of something.
I'm not sure what the theme of my homily today ought to be.
Do I want to speak of the miracle... of our Lord's divine transformation?
Not really, no.
I don't want to talk about His divinity.
I'd rather talk about His humanity.
I mean, you know, how he lived his life here on Earth.
His kindness.
His tolerance.
Listen, here's what I think.
I think we can't go around... measuring our goodness by what we don't do.
By what we deny ourselves... what we resist and who we exclude.
I think we've got to measure goodness... by what we embrace... what we create... and who we include.
It was certainly not... the most fiery sermon Pere Henri would ever preach... nor the most eloquent.
But the parishioners felt a new sensation that day.
A lightening of the spirit.
A freedom from the old tranquilite.
Whoa! 
Fantastic!
Monsieur le Comte, try one of these.
Thank you.
Even the Comte de Reynaud... felt strangely... released.
Although, it would take another six months... before he'd work up the nerve to ask Caroline out to dinner.
As for Josephine... she took over the lease at the old cafe... and gave it a new name.
But still the clever North Wind... was not satisfied.
The Wind spoke to Vianne... of towns yet to be visited.
Friends in need, yet to be discovered.
Battles yet to be fought.
By someone else... next time.
And so it was, the North Wind grew weary... and went on its way.
When summer came to the little village... a new breeze from the south blew soft and warm.
Just needed an adjustment.
Hope it'll be better now.
My mother knew Roux's return... had nothing to do with a silly old door.
So did I.
I thought you'd never guess.
My favourite, hot chocolate.
I knew that.
As for Pantoufle?
Well, his bad leg miraculously healed... and he hopped off in search of new adventures.
I didn't miss him.

Once upon a time... there was a quiet little village... in the French countryside... whose people believed in tranquilité.
Tranquility.
Come Holy Ghost
Creator come
From Thy bright heavenly throne
Come take possession of our souls
And make them all Thine own
Far from us drive our...
If you lived in this village... you understood what was expected of you.
...unto us bring
And through all...
You knew your place in the scheme of things.
And if you happened to forget, someone would help remind you.
The season of Lent is upon us.
This is, of course, a time of abstinence.
Hopefully, also a time of reflection.
Above all, let this be for us a time... a time of sincere penitence.
It is a time to stand up and be counted.
In this village... if you saw something you weren't supposed to see... you learned to look the other way.
This is a time for Christ.
When you reflect, he knows what you reflect on.
If by chance... your hopes had been disappointed... you learned never to ask formore.
He knows for what you must be forgiven.
So in this Year of Our Lord, 1959, things...
So, through good times and bad... famine and feast... the villagers held fast to their traditions.
Until... one winterday... a sly wind blew in from the north.
Where will we find truth ?
Where do we start looking ?
Where will we find truth ?
We will find it...
Who the hell are you ?
Oh, uh...
We're here about the patisserie.
We'd like to rent it... and the apartment above.
Where are you from ?
Well, we lived in Andalucia for a while.
Let me see.
Before that, Vienna... and before that...
- Athens.
- Pavia.
Pantoufle hated it there.
Pantoufle is her kangaroo.
But he can't hop.
Bad leg. 
War injury, huh ?
I'll expect you to keep it in good condition.
What a nice town this is.
Don't you think so, Mama ?
It's a lovely town.
Mama, Pantoufle wants to know how long we can stay.
Oh, tell Pantoufle not to worry.
Time for bed.
What story tonight ?
Pantoufle wants to hear about grand-mère and grand-père.
Not tonight, Anouska.
You always say that.
Tell about grand-mère and grand-père.
Not tonight.
How about the princess and the pirates ?
OK.
Prepare to fire !
All hands on deck !
Ready, aim... fire !
Forgive the intrusion.
It's a pleasure.
Sorry, monsieur.
- Pirate attack.
- Of course.
What is your name ?
Anouk. 
What's yours ?
I am the Comte de Reynaud at your service.
A real one ?
Like the Comte de Monte Cristo ?
Ah-ah !
He was not a real one.
To what do we owe the honor of your visit ?
Well, as mayor of Lansquenet...
I want to welcome you to the community... and to invite you to worship with us at mass on Sunday.
That's very kind of you, but actually we don't attend.
We 're glad to be so near the church, though.
We'll enjoy singing with the bells.
The bells are not intended as an entertainment, Madame.
They are a solemn call to worship for--
Mademoiselle.
I beg your pardon ?
Mademoiselle.
I've never been married... but feel free to call me Vianne.
I hope you'll stop by when I open for business next week.
Yes.
Yes, opening a patisserie during the holy Lenten fast.
I could imagine better timing.
Oh, but it's not going to be a patisserie.
Then what do you intend to--
It's a surprise.
It was sweet of you to drop by.
The Comte de Reynaud... was a student of history, and therefore a patient man.
He trusted the wisdom of generations past.
Like his ancestors, he watched over the little village... and led by his own example-- hard work, modesty... self-discipline.
I have completed the 18th Century.
Madame Clairmont.
Your letter to the editor, Monsieur le Comte.
This paragraph about family and tradition, it's... it's beautiful.
Oh ! 
Ha ha.
Well, thank you.
I value your opinion.
Bonjour ! 
Hello !
May I ask... have you been in contact with your mother recently ?
Why ?
She seems to have rented out the patisserie.
Oh.
I haven't talked to my mother in quite a while.
I'm sorry.
I did not mean to pry.
Oh, don't be silly.
I have no secrets from you.
How is the comtesse enjoying Venice ?
The comtesse ?
Oh, she's fine, thank you.
Yes, she's enjoying it very much.
Venice.
I heard she was some kind of radical.
I heard she's an atheist.
What's that ?
Don't know.
Come on, Charly.
Come on.
Oh !
Uhh ! 
Oh !
You should be more careful !
- So sorry, Madame.
- I'm sorry.
Are you all right ?
I'm fine, I'm fine.
I'm sorry. 
Do you want to come in and sit down ?
Please don't trouble yourself.
I'm fine.
No, it's no trouble.
I'm Vianne Rocher.
Caroline Clairmont.
I'm the daughter of your land lady.
This is my son Luc.
Hello.
And this is my Anouk.
Come in, please, where it's warm.
Try this.
I bet you've never had hot chocolate... made from a 2,000-year-old recipe.
Thank you, but no. 
Luc.
No.
What's this ?
What do you see, Madame, in this ?
Sorry ?
What does it look like to you ?
Just say the first thing that comes into your mind.
Um...
A woman riding a wild horse ?
Ha !
- Ooh !
- Oh, silly answer.
Oh, no.
There are no silly answers.
The pepper triangle, that's for you.
A tiny hint of chili pepper... to play against the sweetness.
Tangy, adventurous.
What do you see ?
I see teeth.
I see blood... and a skull.
Very dark.
Bitter chocolate.
That's your favorite.
Which will have to wait five weeks more.
Lent. 
Thank you.
We must run along.
It's been nice to meet you.
My pleasure.
Pantoufle, come on !
Pirate attack !
How much are those chili things, please ?
4.50 a box.
Could you put a ribbon on it ?
Mm-hmm.
Then I can pretend they are from my husband.
Of course.
Joséphine Muscat.
She waltzes to her own tune.
And these are for your husband-- unrefined coco nips from Guatemala-- to awaken the passions.
Ha !
You've obviously never met my husband.
You've obviously never tried these.
Don't be pathetic.
Luc.
You've got a tiny error in problem six--Oh !
Luc ! 
Oh.
It's nothing.
It already stopped.
Mother, the new teacher... wants us to correct our own mistakes.
I didn't tell you how to correct the mistake...
I just told you that you made one.
Not hungry, Monsieurle Comte ?
The Lenten fast, Madame Rivet.
Are you not supposed to eat something ?
It's all right. 
Leave it.
Hello.
May I help you ?
It's expensive.
I don't waste money.
I have a knack for guessing people's favorites.
These are your favorites.
Am I right ?
On the house.
I think I'd better--
Well...
This certainly is different.
Yes. 
Very different.
Look at that.
Oh !
Oh. 
I'm so sorry.
Bonjour, Monsieur Blerot.
Bonjour, Madame Audel.
No. 
Not that way, Charly.
Come on.
Come in ! 
Please.
Come on, boy.
I've got something for you.
What's your name ?
Charly.
He's fourteen years old.
That's ninety-eight in human years.
No, I meant your name.
Oh ! 
Guillaume Blerot.
You're very kind.
He has so few pleasures left.
Would you care...
Would you care to buy... something special for your lady friend ?
Lady friend ?
The lovely woman your dog was so fond of.
Oh.
Her favorite is chocolate seashells.
That's my guess.
Oh, no. 
I mustn't.
Madame Audel is in mourning for her husband.
Oh, I'm sorry.
When did he pass away ?
The war. 
German grenade.
Hmm.
Well, it's been fifteen years since the war, so...
Not that war.
Monsieur Audel was killed on January 12, 1917.
It was quite a blow to Madame Audel.
Apparently so.
Bonjour, Mesdames !
Bonjour, Monsieur le Comte.
I wish all my tenants... were as reliable as you, Madame Drou.
How is the comtesse enjoying Italy ?
Uh...
She may be extending her trip.
Ah, very nice.
Have either of you seen the new shop across the square ?
The chocolaterie ? 
Yes.
Shameless, isn't it ?
The sheer nerve of the woman... opening a chocolaterie just in time for Lent.
The woman is brazen.
My heart goes out to that poor... illegitimate child of hers.
Mmm.
Bonjour.
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin'all the time
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin'all the time
Well, you ain't never caught no rabbit
You ain't no friend of mine
Ooh, yeah !
A new addition to the liturgy ?
I have a weakness for American music...
Monsieur le Comte.
How long have you been with us, Père Henri ?
It will be five weeks.
Your predecessor, Père Michel, he was with us for five decades.
Yes, well...
I only pray I can live up to Père Michel's example.
Yes, that's my prayer also.
I looked at your sermon, as you requested.
I've made one or two notes.
You're very kind.
Not at all.
Oh, one more thing.
If you haven't seen the new chocolaterie... perhaps you might like to take a look.
It's important to know one's enemy.
Don't you think ?
Hey, where 's my kiss ?
Watch where you're going !
Excuse me !
Hello. 
Morning.
What's the decor, Early Mexican Brothel ?
No ! 
If I need help, I'll ask for it.
What do you see in it ?
Not a damn thing.
Come on. 
It's a game.
What do you see ?
I see a cranky old woman too tired to play games.
Hmm. 
I've got just the thing foryou.
That little girl of yours, does she mind it ?
Mind what ?
The way you move her from place to place.
Oh. 
She's doing fine.
I think it's good for her.
Seeing newplaces, meeting newpeople.
Your cinnamon looks rancid.
Well, it's not cinnamon.
It's a special kind of chili pepper.
Chili pepper in hot chocolate ?
Mm-hmm.
It'll give you a lift.
There.
It tastes like...
I don't know.
Hop, hop, hop, hop !
Where 's your kangaroo ?
Hop, hop, hop !
I'm your kangaroo now !
Stop it !
Stop it ! 
Unh !
Anouk ! 
ln this school, we are civilized.
We do not strike one another !
But they insulted Pantoufle !
I don't care.
Didi, Dedou, come along !
And be quiet.
Where's Pantoufle ?
My mother says you don't have a father.
Sure I do.
We just don't know who he is.
I was out all night with him.
We swam naked in the Tannes.
At dawn, when I returned to my house in my bed... my mother poked her head in and said...
"Wake up sleepyhead."
She had no idea I'd been gone.
Sure you didn't put booze in there ?
Nah. 
Something better.
Perhaps you should give it to my daughter.
Melt that chilly disposition of hers.
You and Caroline have a problem ?
Do we have a problem ?
She won't let me see my grandson.
I'm cut off from him.
Why is that ?
Armande, why is that ?
Oh, I'm a bad influence.
'Cause I don't like her treating him like a trained poodle.
I swear, that boy doesn't piss without her permission.
Ever since her husband died... she's been so...
The way she frets and fusses over that boy.
If only she'd let him run, let him breathe... let him live.
But she worries that he will overexert himself.
Not much danger of that.
She won't even let the poor kid ride a bicycle.
Do you think he'd like to see you ?
Do you have more of those bean thingies, please ?
Oh, sure.
Howmany do you want ?
How many have you got ?
Jack of hearts is a better hunter than you, eh ?
Shoots the trump from right out under your nose.
Are you Serge Muscat ?
The one and only.
What's your pleasure ?
- Is your wife here ?
- Joséphine ?
Well, it depends what you want with Joséphine.
Oh, she left this at my shop.
Well, let me have it.
I'll give it to her.
Oh, no. 
I'll give it to her myself, thanks.
Got to go.
I'm late forsupper.
But the game's not over yet.
Do you want to play ?
You know Belote ?
Of course I do.
Sit down.
Joséphine.
What do you want ?
You forgot this.
What do you want ?
To be your friend.
I don't have friends.
Does Serge know you're here ?
Does it matter ?
Do me a favor.
Try one of these rose creams.
Tell me if you think it's a little heavy on the Cointreau.
Joséphine !
I'm coming !
He talks about you.
He says you're indecent.
He says you're an influence.
You're a bad influence for someone like me--
I don't have to listen to a word your husband has to say.
No, not Serge.
Not him.
Reynaud, the mayor.
He...he talks about you.
Time to go.
Look what I won.
That's good. 
Come on.
Bonsoir.
You see ?
I said they'd be here.
Luc, mind if I take a peek ?
Oh, um...
It's not really...
Show me.
Oh.
Well, I exaggerated the angle of the head.
You draw beautifully.
What's your going rate ?
What ?
To do a portrait.
How much would you charge ?
Oh, I...
I couldn't.
I'm not really a...
Fifty francs ?
Sound reasonable ?
It'd be great.
When could you come by my shop ?
Oh.
I'm--I'm really sorry, but... the comte forbids it.
He spoke to Mama this morning... and a lot of others.
Whatever you say.
I wish I could. 
I really do.
Thanks for showing me your drawing.
Wait.
Am I breaking any laws ?
Tell me ?
Am I hurting anyone ?
You're asking me my opinion ?
What exactly have you been telling people about me ?
Only the truth, mademoiselle.
Well... if you're expecting me... to just shrivel up and blow away... you're going to be highly disappointed.
Let me try and put this into perspective for you.
The first Comte de Reynaud... expelled all the radical Huguenots from this village.
You and your truffles present a far lesser challenge.
You'll be out of business by Easter.
I promise you that.
How long have you been standing here ?
I forgot to pay you for something the other day.
I'm sorry.
No, it was a gift.
No. 
People talk.
No, people would lie about me.
I don't steal.
Not on purpose. 
I--
Yes, I know.
It's nice to see you.
Would you like to come in for some chocolate ?
This is for you.
How sweet of you.
Thank you.
Hmm, it's lovely.
I heard you don't go to church.
That's right.
You won't last long here.
People talk.
Oh, sorry.
I'm behaving badly, aren't I ?
No, it's OK.
You don't misbehave here.
It's just not done, did you know that ?
If you don't go to Confession... or if you don't dig your flower beds... or if you don't pretend... that you want nothing more in your life... than to serve your husband three meals a day... and give him children and vacuum under his ass... then--then you're crazy.
You must think I'm stupid to stay with him.
No, I don't think you're stupid.
Well, I am. 
I'm weak.
I don't love my husband, and I lie.
Things could be different for you, Joséphine.
Serge doesn't run the world.
He might as well.
Is that what you believe ?
I know it.
Oh.
Then it must be true.
My mistake.
You make the most wonderful chocolate.
Pantoufle wants to hear the story... of grand-mère and grand-père.
Ohh !
Don't say, "Not tonight." You always say, "Not tonight."
All right, all right.
Oh.
Your grandfather...
George Rocher... was the young apothecary of the town of Aulus-les-Bains.
It was Anouk's favorite story.
Always told in the same words.
George was honest, prosperous... and trusted by his customers.
But George was not content.
He felt there should be more to life... than dispensing liveroil.
ln the spring of 1927... the Societe Pharmeceutique... formed an expedition to Central America... to study the medicinal properties... of certain natural compounds.
George was the expedition's most eager volunteer.
But his adventure took a turn he did not expect.
One night, he was invited to drink unrefined cacao... with a pinch of chili.
The very same drink the ancient Maya... used in their sacred ceremonies.
The Maya believed cacao held the power... to unlock hidden yearnings... and revealdestinies.
And so it was that George first saw Chitza.
Now, George had been raised a good Catholic... but in his romance with Chitza... he was willing to slightly bend the rules... of Christian courtship.
The tribal elders tried to warn George about her.
She was one of the wanderers.
Her people moved with the North Wind... from village to village... dispensing ancient remedies... never settling down.
Not a good choice fora bride.
George did not heed their warning... and fora while, it seemed that he and Chitza... might lead a happy life togetherin France.
Alas, the clever North Wind had other plans.
One morning, George awoke to discover... that Chitza and the little girl Vianne... hadgone away.
Motherand daughter... were fated to wander from village to village... dispensing ancient cacao remedies... traveling with the wind.
Just as Chitza's people had done... for generations.
Just as Chitza's people... had done for generations.
Will it just go on forever ?
Night, Mama.
I appreciate your coming in, Armande.
What's so important that I had to postpone my nap ?
I've got some chocolate cake.
Grandmother.
Grandmother...bonjour.
May I...
Would you like a cup of... ?
No, thank you.
I'm just here to do a portrait.
Whose ?
Yours, actually.
Is the light OK where she's sitting ?
I have something for you, boy.
I've been carrying it around since your last birthday.
It's a book of poetry.
Oh.
Thank you.
You don't like poetry ?
Oh, no. 
Of course I do.
Yes.
Neither do I.
It's not that kind of poetry.
And in a moment of weakness...
I prayed to the Virgin Mother... to soothe Charly's soul in his hour of suffering.
You understand an animal has no immortal soul.
I understand, mon père.
Yet you flout God's law.
I'm weak and a sinner.
What else ?
Impure thoughts.
The woman who runs the chocolaterie.
Vianne Rocher ?
She suggested I buy chocolate seashells... for the widow Audel.
And, well...
I guess that got me to thinking about the widow Audel.
At her age ? 
At your age ?
Yes. 
And yes.
And just what were you doing in a chocolaterie during Lent ?
It was for Charly.
Again you flout God's law.
Well, but if Charly has no soul... then there's no harm in him breaking Lent.
Isn't that so, mon père ?
Ten Hail Marys, twenty Our Fathers.
"Will she never have done, then...
"that ghoul queen of a million dead bodies ?
"I see myself again...
"skin rotten with mud and pest...
"worms in my armpits and in my hair."
It's perfectly wretched, isn't it ?
Perfectly.
Would you like some cake ?
Ahem. 
I'm not supposed to.
Don't worry so much about not supposed to.
Live a little.
Oh, her hair appointment's almost done.
I have to go.
- What about my picture ?
- Next time.
Thank you forthe cake.
Don't look so damn pleased with yourself.
Stay here.
I did it.
I did it. 
He...
He was so drunk.
He woke up.
He woke up.
He saw me packing, but...
So he tried to come after me... but I had already tied his feet with his belt, and...
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Right there on his big, red face.
It is so stupid, isn't it ?
I never blame him.
Sometimes I even forget what really happened.
Now, now, now.
I saved her !
You remember her father collaborated with the Germans ?
Nobody wanted to touch her.
Except for me.
And this is the way she repays me ? 
!
Your anger is understandable.
Anger ?
Everybody's laughing at me !
That is not your concern.
Your concern is the sacrament of marriage.
Yeah, of course.
The sacrament.
Dip the ganshbe into the white chocolate.
Like this ?
Good.
Yes, shake it, a little.
Good.
Put it on the parchment sheet.
You're doing great.
Oh. 
I'll be right back.
Oh. 
Good morning.
Can I interest you in some Nipples of Venus ?
Rumor has it that you are harboring Madame Muscat.
Is that true ?
You make her sound like a fugitive.
She is a fugitive, from her marriage vows... which have been sanctified by God.
Joséphine ?
Come out here a minute.
Let His Radiance have a look at you, hmm ?
Is that sanctified enough for you ?
It's not the first time.
I'm truly sorry.
You should have come to me.
Your husband will be made to repent for this.
Tell him to repent on someone else's head.
Come on. 
In !
Monsieur le Comte !
I'm going to make an example of you.
ln there. 
He's ready.
Well, but confession must be made... in the spirit of contrition.
Have you come in the spirit of contrition ?
Contrition, yes.
He's ready.
Licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery... gluttony, and drunkenness.
Correct.
And what are the three conditions for mortal sin ?
Serge ?
Mortal sin... is sin whose object is... committed by... deliberate...consequence.
lncorrect. 
Didi ?
Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter... which is committed with full knowledge... and deliberate consent.
Correct.
Gah !
So, how do you know... if the coverture is properly tempered ?
You check to see if it's at body temperature.
Then you dip the palette knife... to see that the coverture hardens on it evenly.
Correct.
Closer.
In the village, time passed.
And the chocolaterie did not go out of business.
The Comte de Reynaud... felt himself being drawn into a strange crusade.
His struggle to transform Serge into a gentleman... became more than an act of good will.
It became a test... a holy war between chateau... and chocolaterie.
Each time, I...
I tell myself it's the last time.
But then I...
I get a whiff of a hot chocolate.
Or those moon things.
Chocolate seashells.
So small, so plain, so innocent.
I thought, just one little taste... it can't do any harm.
But it turned out that they were filled... with rich, sinful...
Buttery filling... and it melts, God forgive me... it melts ever-so-slowly on your tongue... and tortures you with pleasure.
Against You alone, have I sinned... and done what is evil in Your sight.
Indeed I was born guilty... a sinner when my mother conceived me.
You desire truth in the inward being... therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart.
Now, the comte was no fool.
Though he hoped to redeem Serge... he knew that this redemption alone... would not be enough... to regain control over the village.
He understood that some larger lesson... needed to be taught.
Some greater problem... needed to be identified and solved.
Little did the comte suspect that his greater problem... would arrive one quiet afternoon... in the dull green waters of the river Tannes.
You're it !
You're it !
Hey, look !
I'm over here !
You've neverreally told me what the problem is... between you and Caroline.
'Cause it's none of your damn business.
I'm an embarrassment to her.
I swear, I read dirty books.
I eat and drink what I like.
And sin of sins...
I refuse to go to Les Mimosas.
When I was a kid, we called it Le Mortoir.
It's a nursing home for old...
It's in Toulouse.
Mmm.
Caroline loves the thought of a nurse... with a clipboard recording my bowel movements.
Mama, Mama, come quick !
They're here !
They've come to Lansquenet !
- Slow down, Anouk. 
Who's here ?
- Pirates !
Come on !
- Why can't we stay ?
- Come on !
But why can't we stay ?
OK, enough.
But, Mama, just a little bit.
Come on.
Hello. 
How are you ?
Anybody got a sweet tooth ?
I bet he's the captain.
Anouk, don't do that.
Anouk, don't do that, please.
- How do you do ?
- Sorry.
I'd like to apologize.
For all of us. 
Sincerely.
What for ?
For whatever it is you're here to accuse us of.
Why would I do that ?
Well, because we river rats are the dregs of society.
With horrible diseases and criminal impulses.
Sounds terrifying.
Is it true ?
It's what you townspeople always seem to think, isn't it ?
This is not my town.
Sorry.
Well, then, what do you want ?
Well, then, what do you want ?
Are you here to save us ?
Are you the Catholic Aid Society ?
French Family League ?
Communist Workers ?
Which idea are you selling ?
Chocolate.
I'm sorry, chocolate ?
What's a riverrat ?
Is it like a pirate ?
Yeah, you could say that.
You could.
Have a look at my treasure chest.
Oh.
Let me guess, they're for sale.
As a matter of fact, they are.
For a mere thirty francs apiece.
You laugh ? 
I can get fifty for them in Paris.
Then go to Paris.
We'll take two, please.
You'll take two ?
Yes, please, absolutely.
OK.
ldon't know iflhave the right change.
Just a minute.
They're beautiful.
Ireland's finest.
Thanks.
Thank you. 
Listen...
I should probably warn you.
You make friends with us, you'll make enemies of others.
That a promise ?
It's a guarantee.
What's he up to ?
Maybe he's joining the circus.
Sorry, we're closed !
Joséphine, you look different.
So do you.
I just want to tell you that I am so sorry.
For everything.
But I've changed.
You see, God has made me a new man.
I ask you, I beg you... please accept my apology.
I accept.
I promise, from now on, everything will be different.
Everything already is different, Serge.
Well, I mean, when you come home.
Home ?
Thanks for the apology.
The flowers are lovely.
No, please don't, Joséphine.
We are still married in the eyes of God.
Then he must be blind.
The council has no legal authority... to force them to move.
The riverbank is public land.
The mayor wishes to say a few words.
If I may... ladies and gentlemen of the council.
These people are rootless, godless drifters.
That's right !
Theirs is the way of slovenly pleasure.
Yes.
They would contaminate the spirit of our quiet town.
The innocence of our children.
Now, the chairman of the council is quite right.
We cannot force them to leave.
Why not ?
But we can help them to understand... that they are not welcome.
Joséphine ?
Joséphine, you think you can just walk out on me ?
You stupid woman !
Worthless cow !
You're nothing without me.
You can't even use a skillet !
Can't even put a goddamn mealon the table.
He's inside.
He's here. 
Oh, God.
I need to talk to you.
Please open the door.
I know-- 
- Mama !
- Come help me !
Open the door.
Open the door.
ljust want to talk to you.
Go sleep it off, Serge !
Ah, you shut up, you bitch !
You've caused enough trouble already !
You--
Unh !
Open this door !
Mama !
Aah ! 
Aah !
Oh, my God !
Stay away from me.
Aah !
- Come here now !
- Aah !
Aah !
Why, you meddling bitch !
You--
Ahh !
Aah ! 
Aah !
Aah ! 
Aah !
Who says I can't use a skillet ?
Bonjour, monsieur.
Bonjour, monsieur.
Bonjour.
Wonderful.
Come on.
Up. 
Come on. 
Up.
Come on.
His skull can't be as thick as we thought.
It was like swatting a fly.
Ohh. 
The worst is over.
He found out what you're made of.
So did I.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Mmm !
How long have we got ?
She's at the hairdresser for an hour.
Fuffi ?
Fuffi.
I'm so sorry, but I have to break the appointment.
Is something wrong ?
No. 
I volunteered to distribute these.
I promised the comte I'd have them out by the end of the day.
Count me in.
Not that I expect any of them to stop by for a hair style.
It's not just that.
The comte feels we must stand firm.
We cannot trust these people.
Before you know it, they'll be doing jobs for food.
They'll be begging at ourdoors.
Not at this door.
Good, Fuffi, good.
Rub, rub.
Rub harder. 
Rub.
Rub. 
Rub.
Rub it. 
Hard.
Keep your head still.
- Aha !
- Bravo !
Hello, Caroline.
If you want to blame someone, blame me-- corrupting him with cocoa.
Oh, how dare you, Mother.
He's happy. 
He's fine.
Look at him.
Mama, I--
Well, what about you, Mother ?
Are you fine ?
I bet she has conveniently forgotten to tell you.
Carol.
Why don't you show them, Mother ?
Are you afraid to ?
Why don't you show ?
Insulin shots.
She has diabetes-- very advanced.
She could be blind within a year.
Yeah. 
Couldn't you call me a drug addict ?
It sounds a lot more glamorous.
And you-- you sit here feeding her sweets.
There are worse ways to die.
Why don't you just give her rat poison ?
It would be faster.
Carol has a flair for drama.
She needs to be in a place where she can be taken care of.
Le Mortoir ?
I'd rather be in Hell.
Ah.
You may get there, Mother.
Luc, come with me.
I don't want to.
He's happy here.
It's good for him.
I will decide what is good for my son, Madame Muscat.
Give me another.
It's my life.
Let me enjoy what's left of it.
Fill 'er up.
Armande, why didn't you tell me ?
Is this a chocolaterie, or is it a confessional ?
Don't you dare pity me.
Sorry, we're closed.
She just wants a soda water.
I don't serve animals.
Right.
- Hello.
- Hi.
I just made a fresh batch of monduon.
Anybody interested ?
My tummy hurts.
Oh.
I've got just the thing for that. 
Come in.
What about boycotting immorality, then ?
Come in.
An old remedy.
From the cocoa tree.
Tastes strange.
Mmm. 
Maybe your daddy would like a taste.
He's not my daddy.
He's my pony.
Here. 
It's a lot better than those leaves.
Tastes good.
Come on.
Pantoufle wants to meet you.
He's my kangaroo.
Go ahead. 
It's your favorite.
What makes you so sure ?
Go on. 
Taste it.
Hmm.
That's fantastic.
Oh, thanks.
I have a knack for guessing.
It's good-- not my favorite.
Sorry ?
All right.
Thanks very much.
You know, I could fix that, if you like.
Not with glass, but...
I can make you a nice strong one out of wood.
That's nice of you... but I insist on paying you for your work.
That makes two of us, then.
Bye.
Thanks again.
She's laughing at us.
Now she's got one of those river people working for her.
Is that a problem ?
Christ teaches us--
Look at this.
She's soliciting for stalls and street performers... for a fertility celebration on Easter Sunday.
She's cackling at us.
When are you going to do something about it ?
Oh, there.
What part of Australia is Pantoufle from ?
A smalltown outside of Sydney.
What does he eat ?
Leaves, bugs... and worms, of course.
What about chocolate ?
Kangaroos don't eat chocolate.
Has he ever tried it ?
Have you ever tried chocolate ?
He's not interested.
Not interested ?
Mr. Pantoufle, you surprise me.
A world traveler such as yourself... not interested in new flavors ?
You should be ashamed.
I have a very nice truffle here... if he wants to try it.
You're wasting your time.
Oh, I'm sorry.
How do you know you don't like chocolate... if you refuse to try it ?
Do you like worms ?
What ?
How do you know if you've never tasted one ?
Subtle.
Zesty.
Disgusting.
Go on, my little friend.
Be free.
You tricked me.
Satan... wears many guises.
At times, Satan is the singer of a lurid song... you hearon the radio.
At times, the author ofa salacious novel.
At times, the quiet man lurking in the schoolyard... asking your children if he might join their game.
And at times, the maker of sweet things-- mere trifles.
For what could seem more harmless... more innocent... than chocolate ?
A bit of a squeak.
Hey, Guillaume !
I've got something new Charly's going to love.
Come on, Charly. 
Come on.
It's me. 
I should go.
No, it's not you. 
It's--
Uhh !
Where have you been ?
I was worried.
Hey ! 
I'm talking to you.
It's just like all the other towns.
Anouk.
Anouk.
Just tell me what happened.
Are you Satan's helper ?
Well, it's not easy being different.
Why can't we go to church ?
Well, you can if you want, but it won't make things easier.
Why can't you wear black shoes like the other mothers ?
He's a fine piece of work, our little nobleman.
No wonder his wife goes gallivanting off.
She's been in Italy for months.
Did you know that ?
Armande... the whole town's against me.
What can I do ?
Throw me a party.
Ha ha ha ! 
What ?
Wednesday's my 70th.
Let's show the bastards we're ready to go down dancing.
But a party ?
You're not well.
You have to face it.
OK, OK, OK...
But you do this for me, and I promise...
I'll check into Le Mortoir the very next morning... without a care in the world.
If I threw a party in this town, no one would come.
They don't need to know who's throwing it.
Armande, listen, I--
No, no, no.
You listen.
I need this.
Huh ?
When I need help, I ask for it.
Boys, bring me some more wood.
My mother used to sing that song... when I couldn't sleep.
And did it help ?
I still didn't sleep, but, yes, it helped.
How's the door ?
It squeaks.
- Does it ?
- Ha ha !
How's Anouk ? 
Is she well ?
Oh, she's better. 
She's fine.
Good. 
How are you ?
I'm throwing a party... lf anyone shows up.
Thanks.
Who's invited ?
A bunch of townspeople.
Tell me something.
Why do you give a damn about... what these narrow-minded villagers think ?
You're not scared of them, are you ?
Coming to the party or not ?
I can't.
There 's a boycott against immorality... and I must respect that.
That is a problem.
Then, I'll leave you with this test of your convictions.
What is that ?
Your favorite.
My favorite ?
Is that right ?
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I'm undone-- but not my favorite.
Hmm.
I'll come round sometime... get that squeak out of your door.
A lot for you.
You see ? 
It's perfect.
Bon appétit, everyone.
Oh !
Ahh.
If the comte finds out...
The comte isn't here.
He wasn't invited.
Is Luc coming ?
I'm sure they have other plans.
Luc ?
Why are you sleeping ?
Hmm ?
Are you not feeling well ?
Happy birthday, Grandmama.
The invitation said 5:00.
I should have read it more closely.
If you had, you'd know there was supposed to be no gifts.
Don't worry so much about the "supposed to."
Like it ?
You made me younger.
Very diplomatic.
I have two announcements.
Number one--if you like what you tasted here... you're going to love my chocolate festival on Sunday.
Advertise on your own time.
What's for dessert ?
That brings me to number two.
It is my duty to announce... that there is no dessert here tonight.
Oh !
No dessert ?
Because it's on Roux's boat.
Any complaints, see me.
Monsieurle Comte ?
Who's there ?
I must speak to you.
Whoo !
You see, Monsieur le Comte ?
You see ?
There's Joséphine, that stupid cow.
Something must be done, Serge.
Something must be done.
- You done yet ?
- Almost.
- Almost ?
- Hmm ?
Come on, leave it.
You're done.
Come with me.
Come on.
I have chocolates everywhere.
What ? 
You're all right.
Do you think everyone had a good time ?
Shh.
Mmm. 
Mmm.
Ha ha ha ha !
I'm tired.
Vianne, Roux.
Thanks.
This was...
Thank you.
I'll take you home.
Oh, for God's sake, don't fuss.
You'll ruin a perfectly decadent evening.
I'm not partial to big, sloppy good-byes.
Armande.
I'll take care of the dishes.
I think I'll sleep in my chair tonight.
Do you like it ?
Taking your home with you wherever you go ?
Yeah. 
Why not ?
Your way must be harder-- each time having to make a new home from scratch.
Well, maybe this time I'll get it right.
What do you mean ?
Maybe I'll stay.
What ?
Don't you ever think about belonging somewhere ?
The price is too high.
You end up caring what people expect of you.
No.
Is that so terrible ?
Having people expect something of you ?
How does Anouk feel about it ?
What ?
All the moving around.
No, she's fine.
She handles it beautifully.
She makes friends easily.
She has such an unusual...
She hates it.
She hates it.
Vianne.
Vianne, come on.
Come on.
Get 'em out of here !
We need more ! 
Hurry up !
Anouk !
Mommy !
Anouk !
No !
Jesus !
Come back !
Anouk !
Come back, Vianne !
Aah !
Anouk !
- Stop !
- No !
- No !
- Stop it !
Stop it ! 
Stop it !
- Come back !
- No !
No !
Come on !
Why did you stop me ?
It was too late.
Mom !
There she is.
Oh, my God, there she is !
Mama !
Anouska ! 
I'm coming !
Oh, my God.
You're hurting me.
Oh, my God.
ljust wanted to make sure that...
Yes, we're OK.
You ?
And I came to say...
To say good-bye.
Yes, I know.
What ?
Your boat.
You've lost your home.
No.
Just a way to get from place to place, really.
So, how will you...
I'll manage.
Well...
Well...
Vianne...
Listen, I...
I know. 
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Your papa used to ride this bike every single morning.
He would have wanted you to have it.
Just you promise me you'll never run away again, OK ?
Mama, she...
What ?
What's wrong, Luc ?
Though we cannot know...
Armande Voizin 's last thoughts... we can hope they were thoughts ofpenitence.
We can hope she asked God... to forgive the self-indulgence... that aggravated her illness and caused her death... and we can pause to reexamine ourown lives.
We can resist those... who would lead us into temptation.
Blessed is the one who endures temptation... for when he has stood the test...
Mama...
Can we go home now ?
Of course.
Of course.
Whatever you like, Mama.
Vianne, did you want me... to start the ganache for the festival ?
Vianne ?
Did you--
What are you doing ?
Leaving.
First thing in the morning.
Is it because of Armande ?
That was not your fault.
It's time, that's all.
This is who I am.
Did you believe anything you told me ?
Did you believe I could be better ?
Was it all a joke ?
I have to pack now.
If you leave, everything will go back... to the way it always was.
It is the way it always was.
Not for me.
I know how you feel.
Beg your pardon ?
I suppose it can't be easy... having her gone.
Can't seem to get used to it, no matter how much time.
Ahem. 
But I...
look forward to her return.
I don't believe anyone would think less of you... if you were to say she was never coming back.
Good night, Paul.
Caroline !
I'm sorry.
I need to talk to you.
Come in.
Monsieur le Comte.
It's all right.
Sorry to bother you, Monsieur le Comte.
All right.
It was the right thing to do, wasn't it ?
Of course it was.
I know it was.
It's everything with Joséphine.
Serge...
What are you talking about ?
The fire, Monsieurle Comte.
I know it was the right thing to do... but I can't get rid of the faces and the screams.
The fire...
The fire was an act of God.
It was me, Monsieur le Comte.
What ?
You told me. 
Remember ?
"Something has to be done, Serge."
You did, didn't you ?
People could have died.
You want their blood on your hands ?
On--on my hands ?
Should I go to Père Henri and ask for forgiveness ?
Listen to me, Serge.
Listen very carefully.
You must leave this village at once... and never return.
Why would I leave my home and my cafe ?
Because I'm evicting you, that's why !
What you have done puts you beyond anyone's help... beyond my help, anybody's help !
Now get out !
Unless you will tell the police what you've done !
Get out ! 
Get out ! 
Get out !
Time to go.
Hmm ?
Oh, no.
I'm not going.
Well, it's hard for me, too.
Pantoufle hates this.
Stop that.
Please put it on.
I hate you.
You're entitled.
I said put it on.
Ouch !
Well, then, do it your self !
I can't !
Get up.
I have a bad leg like Pantoufle.
Stop that. 
Get up.
Pantoufle can't walk.
ican't walk.
Walk. 
Walk !
You're hurting me.
Well, stop being...
Let me go !
No !
It's not fair !
Stop it !
I'm not going !
It's--Stop it !
I'm sorry, Mama.
I'm sorry.
Don't worry, Mama.
The next time will be better, won't it, Mama ?
It will.
It will be wonderful.
I'm ready to go now, OK ?
Like this, Mama ?
That's right.
Is this right ?
No, no, you've got to cut on the corners like this.
So, just stop them.
Higher.
How do you like these almonds ?
Are they chopped fine enough ?
Are they OK, Vianne ?
Christ is risen.
My friends, let this Easter Day be for us, too, a rebirth.
Let us strive--
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, don't bury the word "rebirth."
Let it ring out.
Let this day be for us, too, a rebirth !
You see, we are extolling our--our parishioners... to--to resurrect their moral awareness.
Hmm ? 
OK, good, good.
T-try again.
I think we've gone over this enough.
Let's call it a day.
What ?
I'm very tired.
Fine, fine.
Well, leave it with me.
I may have one or two suggestions.
Thank you, Monsieur le Comte--
Just a couple of suggestions.
A revision here and there.
We want it to be perfect tomorrow, don't we ?
- Yes.
- Yes.
We must resist the shallow, worldly temptations... of our mortaI--No, no.
We must renounce shallow, worldly temptations... of our mortal flesh.
Caroline.
All my efforts have been for nothing.
I've suffered willingly.
I've fasted.
I've hardly eaten for weeks now.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, my suffering is nothing.
It's just that I...
I feel so lost.
I don't know what to do.
Tell me what to do.
Drink this.
Drink this.
It'll refresh you.
I promise.
Go ahead, drink.
I'm so sorry.
I won't tell a soul.
Hmm.
Better get cleaned up.
Easter Sunday.
The sermon.
I didn't finish it.
I'll think of something.
I'm not sure what the theme of my homily today ought to be.
Do I want to speak ofthe miracle... of our Lord's divine transformation ?
Not really, no.
ldon't want to talk about His divinity.
I'd rather talk about His humanity.
I mean, you know, how he lived his life here on Earth.
His kindness.
His tolerance.
Listen, here's what I think.
I think we can't go around... measuring our goodness by what we don't do.
By what we deny ourselves... what we resist... and who we exclude.
I think we've got to measure goodness... by what we embrace... what we create... and who we include.
It was certainly not... the most fiery sermon Père Henri would ever preach... nor the most eloquent.
But the parishioners felt a new sensation that day.
A lightening of the spirit.
A freedom from the old tranquilité.
Whoa ! 
Fantastic !
Monsieur le Comte, try one of these.
Thank you.
Even the Comte de Reynaud... felt strangely... released.
Although, it would take another six months... before he'd work up the nerve to ask Caroline out to dinner.
As for Joséphine... she took overthe lease at the old café... and gave it a new name.
But still the clever North Wind... was not satisfied.
The Wind spoke to Vianne... of towns yet to be visited.
Friends in need, yet to be discovered.
Battles yet to be fought.
By someone else... next time.
And so it was, the North Windgrew weary... and went on its way.
When summer came to the little village... a new breeze from the south blew soft and warm.
Just needed an adjustment.
Hope it'll be better now.
Roux !
My mother knew Roux's return... had nothing to do with a silly old door.
So did I.
I thought you'd never guess.
My favorite, hot chocolate.
I knew that.
As for Pantoufle ?
Well, his bad leg miraculously healed... and he hopped off in search of new adventures.
I didn't miss him.

Tammy Faye: 
I THINK THE EYES ARE SO IMPORTANT.
I BELIEVE THEY ARE THE EYES OF THE SOUL.
I TRULY DO.
AND I THINK YOU CAN LOOK IN SOMEONE'S EYES
AND REALLY TELL WHAT KIND OF A PERSON AND WHAT THEIR HEART IS.
AND SO WHEN MY PRECIOUS FRIENDS DIE,
I ALWAYS ASK IF I COULD PLEASE HAVE THEIR GLASSES.
WHEN MY MOM DIED,
I GOT MY MAMA'S GLASSES,
AND THEY'RE VERY, VERY PRECIOUS TO ME.
I LIKE TO PUT THEM ON SOMETIMES AND THINK,
"YOU KNOW, MAMA LOOKED THROUGH THESE.
RuPaul: 
TAMMY FAYE IS THE FIRST LADY OF RELIGIOUS BROADCASTING.
TOGETHER, WITH HER HUSBAND JIM BAKKER,
SHE PIONEERED THE ELECTRIC CHURCH.
FROM THE SIXTIES THROUGH THE MID-EIGHTIES,
THEY BUILT NOT ONE, BUT 3 RELIGIOUS NETWORKS,
GROWING THE MEDIUM FROM A MOTLEY GROUP OF LOCAL STATIONS
INTO A GLOBAL CONCERN.
AT THEIR PEAK, THEY PRESIDED OVER THE LARGEST
AND MOST SUCCESSFUL CHRISTIAN TELEVISION MINISTRY OF ITS DAY.
THEIR CHRISTIAN RETREAT, HERITAGE U.S.A.,
WAS, AFTER DISNEY WORLD AND DISNEYLAND,
AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR THEME PARK.
THEN, IN THE MID-EIGHTIES,
THEIR WORLD CAME CRASHING DOWN.
Reporter: 
TROUBLES FOR JIM BAKKER BEGAN
WITH THE REVELATION OF HIS SEXUAL ENCOUNTER WITH JESSICA HAHN.
Second reporter:
TAMMY BAKKER CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET
TO REVEAL HERSELF AS A DRUG ADDICT.
WE DID NOT ASK JERRY FALWELL
TO TAKE OVER OUR MINISTRY.
Third reporter:
THE MINISTRY IS NOW STRUGGLING WITH A $16-MILLION DEBT.
THE U.S. BANKRUPTCY COURT IS NOW...
Fourth reporter:
THE GOVERNMENT SAID BAKKER WAS A SLICK CON MAN,
CHEATING HIS FOLLOWERS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS.
RuPaul: 
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO TAMMY FAYE?
12 LONG YEARS AFTER HER FALL FROM GRACE,
TAMMY LIVES IN VIRTUAL EXILE
IN A GATED COMMUNITY IN PALM DESERT, CALIFORNIA.
Tammy: 
OK, I'M GOING TO READ YOU MY POEM.
ARE YOU READY?
"LONELINESS CLINGS TO ME LIKE A SECOND SKIN,
"THREATENING TO SMOTHER ME FROM WITHIN.
"WHY GET READY FOR THE DAY?
"WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO MYSELF, I SAY?
"MY BODY ACHES ALL NIGHT, ALL DAY,
"AND I'M TOO TIRED TO EVEN PRAY.
"MUNDANE HOUSEHOLD CHORES I DO,
"VACUUM FLOORS AND PICK UP POO.
"I TRY NOT TO THINK OF DAYS GONE BY,
"TO DO SO ONLY MAKES ME CRY.
WHY ME, GOD, I SAY, WHY?"
IT'S A LITTLE DRAMATIC, I GUESS,
BUT IT'S HOW I FELT AT THE TIME.
I'VE OFTEN THOUGHT I SHOULD PROBABLY BE ON BROADWAY--
[LAUGHS] WITH ALL MY DRAMA.
Both:...
WHEN SHE WAS BORN, SHE HAD PERFECTLY MANICURED FINGERNAILS.
RuPaul: 
THE ELDEST OF 8 CHILDREN,
TAMMY FAYE LaVALLEY GREW UP IN INTERNATIONAL FALLS, MINNESOTA.
Virginia Fairchild:
THEIR HOUSE WAS BIG ENOUGH FOR ALL OF THEM,
BUT NOT A NICE ONE.
IN THOSE DAYS, YOU DIDN'T SPEND MONEY
FOR ANYTHING BUT FOOD AND CLOTHES,
BECAUSE YOU JUST DIDN'T HAVE IT, YOU KNOW?
I DON'T THINK SHE HAD A VERY HAPPY...
GROWING-UP YEARS, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, WHAT DID SHE REALLY HAVE TO BE OVERLY OVERJOYED ABOUT?
I MEAN, HELPING TAKE CARE OF KIDS, YEAH,
BECAUSE SHE HAD TO.
RuPaul: 
BUT EVEN IN HER TEENS,
TAMMY HAD HER FAITH TO TURN TO.
SHE HAD A LITTLE WART ON ONE FINGER.
SHE ASKED GOD,
AND THE MESSAGE THAT SHE GOT WAS,
"PUT THAT FINGER IN THE COMMUNION CUP BEFORE YOU DRINK."
AND SHE BROUGHT IT OUT,
PARTOOK OF THE BREAD AND THE JUICE,
AND THE WART WAS GONE.
WE HAD BEEN RAISED IN THE ASSEMBLIES OF GOD.
AND WE ALWAYS SORT OF FELT
THE ASSEMBLIES OF GOD PREACHED THAT
GOD WAS LOOKING DOWN AT YOU FROM HEAVEN
WITH A BIG HUGE HAMMER IN HIS HAND
AND THAT IF YOU DID ANYTHING WRONG,
HE WAS GOING TO HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH THIS HAMMER
AND SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL.
Johnny Grover:
SHE WAS ALMOST SCARED INTO STAYING CLOSE TO GOD.
I STILL SAY ADA DEHREN IS HER SAVIOR,
BECAUSE SHE WAS THE ONE THAT BOUGHT THE MAKE-UP AT THE RUMMAGE SALE.
[LAUGHS] THEY WERE THE FIRST ONES TO TRY MAKE-UP.
SEE ALL THIS STUFF?
LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF.
THAT'S MY BLUSH.
IT'S ALMOST GONE.
I GOT TO GO TO THE SWAP MEET AND GET SOME MORE.
I BUY IT AT THE SWAP MEET.
MY POWDER THAT KIND OF--
WHEN I CRY, IT TAKES AWAY THE TEARS.
THIS IS MY EYEBROW STUFF,
ALTHOUGH I DON'T REALLY NEED TO PUT ON EYEBROW STUFF,
BECAUSE ME EYEBROWS ARE PERMANENT.
THIS TURNS PINK WHEN YOU PUT IT ON.
SEE? 
BUT IT'S WHITE TO START WITH.
EYELASH GLUE.
OH, HERE'S-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
OH, HERE'S MY MASCARA THAT I'M SO FAMOUS FOR.
AS YOU SEE, IT IS L'OREAL WATERPROOF LASH OUT MAKE-UP.
AND, UM, AS YOU CAN SEE, IT'S MUCH USED.
MUCH LOVED.
THEY ARE PUT ON SINGLY,
AND, UH, WITH LOTS OF MASCARA.
THEY DON'T COME OFF, I MEAN, THEY'RE...
THEY HAVE TO, LITERALLY, KIND OF WEAR OFF.
AND SO, ONCE IN A WHILE, ONE WILL DROP OFF,
AND WHEN IT DOES, I PUT ANOTHER ONE IN.
WITHOUT MY EYELASHES, I WOULDN'T BE TAMMY FAYE.
I DON'T KNOW WHO I'D BE, BUT I WOULDN'T BE ME.
RuPaul: 
IN 1960, AGED 17, TAMMY WENT TO BIBLE COLLEGE
WHERE SHE MET AND FELL IN LOVE
WITH A YOUNG, CHARISMATIC PREACHER NAMED JIM BAKKER.
THE NEXT YEAR, ON APRIL FOOL'S DAY, JIM AND TAMMY WERE MARRIED.
THE YOUNG NEWLYWEDS LIVED ON THE ROAD,
STRUGGLING TO MAKE A LIVING AS ITINERANT PREACHERS,
JOINING A TRADITION OF TRAVELING EVANGELISM
PIONEERED BY MINISTERS LIKE ORAL ROBERTS.
EVERYTHING THAT'S EVERY BEEN DONE THAT'S WORTHWHILE
HAS BEEN DONE BY MEN,
BY WOMEN WHO SAID, "I DON'T CARE WHAT THE COST IS,
I'M GOING TO DO THIS FOR THE GLORY OF GOD."
RuPaul: 
A BLEND OF CHRISTIANITY AND SHOWMANSHIP,
IT WAS A GROWING TREND THAT WOULD CULMINATE
IN THE CREATION OF TELEVANGELISM...
THE ELECTRIC CHURCH.
TODAY, IT BOASTS OVER 2,500 RADIO AND TV STATIONS,
REACHING AN ESTIMATED AUDIENCE OF 20 MILLION PEOPLE.
SATELLITES CIRCLE THE GLOBE,
BEAMING OUT THOUSANDS OF PROGRAMS 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK,
AND GENERATING MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN REVENUE.
Announcer: 
THE CHRISTIAN SHOPPING NETWORK.
THE ONLY NETWORK WHERE YOU SOW THE KINGDOM OF GOD,
WHILE YOU PURCHASE YOUR FAVORITE PRODUCTS AT LOWER THAN RETAIL PRICE...
RuPaul: 
BUT IT ALL STARTED OUT WITH PUPPETS,
JIM AND TAMMY'S PUPPETS.
OH, YEAH, WE PRACTICALLY STARTED THE ELECTRIC CHURCH.
WE HAD BOUGHT SILKY BUBBLE BATH, OF ALL THINGS,
AND WE SAW THESE LITTLE HEADS ON THE BUBBLE BATH,
AND I--I STARTED TALKING FOR THEM.
YOU KNOW, MAKING LITTLE VOICES.
[IN A SILLY VOICE] "HELLO, THERE."
THOSE KINDS OF LITTLE VOICES.
AND JIM SAID, "TAMMY, WE COULD MAKE PUPPETS OUT OF THESE THINGS,
AND WE COULD USE THEM IN CHURCH FOR THE KIDS."
WE TOOK THE SILKY BUBBLE BATH, IT WAS PORKY PIG,
WE MELTED THE EARS DOWN AND MADE A LITTLE GIRL PIGGY.
SHE HAD TO HAVE A FRIEND,
SO WE MADE AN ALLIGATOR THAT TALKED LIKE THIS,
[LOW-PITCHED VOICE] "HELLO.
I'M ALLIE THE ALLIGATOR.
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] "AND I'M SUSIE MUPPET."
I WORKED THEM WITH MY HANDS, LIKE THIS.
THIS WAS THEIR LITTLE HANDS, AND THIS WAS THEIR HEAD.
♪ JESUS TAKES A FROWN ♪
♪ AND HE TURNS IT UPSIDE DOWN ♪
♪ AND OOPS! 
♪
♪ HERE COMES A SMILE... ♪
RuPaul: 
SUSIE MUPPET AND ALLIE THE ALLIGATOR
ATTRACTED THE ATTENTION OF TV MINISTER PAT ROBERTSON.
HE RAN A SMALL LOCAL STATION
AND DREAMT OF BUILDING A CHRISTIAN BROADCASTING NETWORK.
Jim Bakker:
WE GOT A CALL FROM PAT ROBERTSON.
HE WANTED TO MEET WITH US.
AND HE SAID,
"WOULD YOU CONSIDER JOINING THE NETWORK?"
WELL, THE NETWORK WAS ONE STATION,
A ONE-KILOWATT TELEVISION STATION.
IT HARDLY WENT DOWN THE BLOCK AT TIMES.
Announcer:
IT'S TIME FOR THE NATIONS BIGGEST YARD PARTY,
THE JIM  TAMMY SHOW.
HI, EVERYBODY!
All: 
HI, JIM AND TAMMY!
Jim Bakker: 
WE DID NOT HAVE A SCRIPT,
SO EVERYTHING WAS REALLY AD-LIBBED.
I THINK JIM, ACTUALLY, WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS AROUND THE PUPPETS,
BECAUSE HE NEVER REALLY KNEW WHAT THEY WERE GOING TO SAY.
JIM, YOU JUST ATE MY SHRIMP UP.
[GASPS] OH, I WAS JUST STANDING HERE--
SHUT UP!
Jim: 
SUSIE WAS THE BAD TAMMY FAYE,
AND ALLIE WAS ALWAYS SOMEHOW--
SHE HAD A SPLIT PERSONALITY,
'CAUSE ALLIE WAS ALWAYS NICE TO ME,
BUT SUSIE MUPPET WAS ALWAYS ARGUING WITH ME.
AND I MEAN, IF THOSE PEOPLE AT HOME,
I DON'T KNOW IF THEY KNEW...
WE WERE HAVING LEGITIMATE FIGHTS,
ONLY WE WERE DOING IT THROUGH THESE PUPPETS.
BUT FOR SOME REASON,
THE SHOW BECAME THE NUMBER ONE PROGRAM ON C.B.N.
♪ I'M GOING TO LOVE MY ENEMIES ♪
♪ DO GOOD TO THOSE WHO ARE BAD TO ME ♪
♪ GOING TO LOVE... ♪
I MEAN, WHAT DID JIM HENSON HAVE
BUT JIM AND TAMMY GONE BERSERK.
♪ SO GOOD AND FREE ♪
♪ SO GOOD AND FREE ♪
RuPaul: 
JIM AND TAMMY HAD AGREED TO WORK FOR PAT ROBERTSON
ON CONDITION THAT THEY COULD ALSO START A LATE-NIGHT TALK SHOW.
HE SAID, "I'LL MAKE A DEAL WITH YOU.
"IF YOU GET THE KID SHOW UP AND RUNNING,
THEN YOU CAN DO THIS LATE-NIGHT SHOW."
AND SO PAT HONORED HIS WORD ON THAT,
AND JIM STARTED WHAT WAS CALLED THE 700 CLUB,
THE FIRST CHRISTIAN TALK SHOW IN HISTORY.
Announcer: 
SO HERE'S YOUR HOST ON...
HELLO, AND WELCOME TO THE 700 CLUB TODAY.
I'M SO VERY, VERY HAPPY THAT YOU COULD JOIN US
FOR THIS PROGRAM OF PRAYER AND PRAISE.
RuPaul: 
THE INSTANT SUCCESS OF THE 700 CLUB AND THE JIM AND TAMMY SHOW,
HELPED TURN THE CHRISTIAN BROADCAST NETWORK
FROM A LOCAL STATION INTO A FULL-FLEDGED NETWORK.
BUT THINGS BEGAN TO SOUR.
Tammy: 
PAT BEGAN TO WANT TO TAKE OVER SOME OF THE 700 CLUB,
WHICH WAS FINE, BECAUSE IT WAS HIS STATION AND WE HONORED HIM FOR THAT.
AND SO, WE JUST SAID, "PAT,
"YOU'RE ABLE TO DO IT BY YOURSELF NOW.
YOU DON'T NEED US."
AND SO WE DECIDED TO MOVE ON AND DO OUR OWN THING.
THE 700 CLUB TODAY IS PROBABLY
THE MOST POWERFUL OF THE RELIGIOUS BROADCASTS.
Announcer: 
THIS IS...
Reverend White:
AND JIM WAS THE FIRST HOST ON THE 700 CLUB,
BEFORE PAT ROBERTSON WAS.
RuPaul: 
TAMMY WROTE TO PAT ROBERTSON
ASKING HIM TO BE INTERVIEWED FOR THIS DOCUMENTARY.
HE DECLINED.
JIM AND TAMMY THEN MOVED WEST TO CALIFORNIA,
AND IN THE KITCHEN OF THEIR RENTED HOME
WITH THEIR FRIENDS JAN AND PAUL CROUCH,
THEY LAUNCHED A NEW VENTURE:
THE TRINITY BROADCAST NETWORK.
Tammy: 
JIM WAS THE HOST, AND I WAS THE CO-HOST,
AND JAN AND PAUL WERE IN THE BACKGROUND.
RuPaul: 
BUT NOT FOR LONG.
JIM AND TAMMY WERE FORCED OUT
IN A BOARD-ROOM COUP BY JAN AND PAUL CROUCH.
Announcer: 
THIS IS THE TRINITY BROADCASTING NETWORK,
CELEBRATING OUR 25th ANNIVERSARY.
RuPaul: 
TODAY, THE CROUCHS STILL PRESIDE
OVER THE MINISTRY JIM AND TAMMY STARTED WITH THEM,
WHICH HAS SINCE BECOME ONE OF THE WORLD'S LARGEST TV MINISTRIES.
JIM AND TAMMY STARTED ALMOST EVERYTHING
THAT IS NOW POWERFUL IN RELIGIOUS TELECASTING.
BUT AS SOON AS THEY GOT IT BUILT, LIKE AT TBN,
AS SOON AS THEY GOT PEOPLE WATCHING,
AS SOON AS THEY GOT THE AUDIENCE CAPTIVATED,
AS SOON AS THEY BEGAN TO GET POWER,
THEY WERE, KIND OF, LET GO.
RuPaul: 
TAMMY WROTE TO THE CROUCHS
ASKING THEM TO BE INTERVIEWED FOR THIS DOCUMENTARY.
THEY DECLINED.
Choir: ♪ GLORIA ♪
RuPaul: 
IN 1974,
JIM AND TAMMY MOVED TO CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA.
Announcer: 
STAND BY.
5 SECONDS TO PTL.
RuPaul: 
THERE, THEY LAUNCHED A THIRD TELEVISION NETWORK
CALLED P.T.L...
PRAISE THE LORD.
[APPLAUSE] Choir: ♪ PRAISE THE LORD ♪
♪ NOW'S THE TIME TO LIFT OUR VOICES ♪
THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME
THAT THEY WERE COMPLETELY IN CHARGE
AND FREE TO CREATE THEIR OWN NETWORK IN THEIR OWN IMAGE.
♪ WELL, I FOUND A NEW JOY ♪
COME ON, JIM!
Tammy: 
WE BELIEVED THAT CHRISTIANITY SHOULD BE FUN.
WE BELIEVED IT SHOULD BE JOYFUL.
AND I THINK WE WERE ONE OF THE FIRST PEOPLE
TO PUT FUN AND LAUGHTER IN CHRISTIANITY.
IT'S NOT A DRAG TO BE SAVED.
IT'S NOT A BORING THING.
THAT'S RELIGION.
YOU SEE, YOU'VE GOTTEN IT MIXED UP.
RELIGION IS BORING AND DULL...
MOST OF THE TIME,
BUT JESUS IS LIFE.
♪ ...
GLORIOUS, WONDERFUL DAY ♪
♪ YES, IT'S A MARVELOUS, GLORIOUS, WONDERFUL DAY ♪
♪ TO SERVE THE LORD ♪
♪ HALLELUJAH ♪
PRAISE THE LORD.
HALLELUJAH.
WHOO!
RuPaul: 
JIM AND TAMMY'S GOSPEL OF FUN WAS FOR ONE AND ALL.
Tammy: 
WE WERE INTER-DENOMINATIONAL,
FOR EVERYONE OF EVERY DENOMINATION.
THE LUTHERANS, THE BAPTISTS, CATHOLICS,
ALL DENOMINATIONS WERE A PART OF PTL.
AND REMEMBER, GOD LOVES YOU.
HE REALLY DOES.
GOD LOVES YOU.
HE LOVES YOU.
GOD LOVES YOU!
HE REALLY DOES!
GOD LOVES YOU.
HE REALLY DOES.
BYE-BYE FOR TODAY.
RuPaul:
PTL EMBRACED THOSE
THAT OTHER CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALISTS
AND TELEVANGELISTS REJECTED.
STEVE IS A PATIENT OF AIDS,
AND HE SO GENEROUSLY ALLOWED US TO TALK TO HIM TODAY.
WAS IT JUST A WORD TO YOU?
IS IT SOMETHING THAT JUST HAPPENS
TO OTHER PEOPLE AND NOT TO STEVE?
I KNEW THAT IT WAS A GROWING PROBLEM IN THE GAY COMMUNITY,
BUT I, AS MANY OTHER PEOPLE DID BACK IN 1981 AND '82,
DENIED THAT IT COULD TOUCH ME.
I MEAN, WE DIDN'T SEE HOW--
I MEAN, WHY WOULD IT HURT ME?
I WAS A GOOD CHRISTIAN PASTOR.
DO YOU KNOW HOW EARLY THAT WAS
FOR ANYBODY IN THE CHRISTIAN WORLD
TO BE REACHING OUT AND TO BE EMBRACING A GAY PERSON,
LET ALONE A PERSON WITH AIDS?
TAMMY BAKKER DID IT
WHEN NO ONE ELSE WOULD DO IT.
HOW SAD THAT WE AS CHRISTIANS,
WHO ARE TO BE THE SALT OF THE EARTH,
AND WE ARE--WE, WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO LOVE EVERYONE,
ARE AFRAID SO BADLY OF AN AIDS PATIENT
THAT WE WILL NOT GO UP AND PUT OUR ARM AROUND THEM
AND TELL THEM THAT WE CARE?
RuPaul: 
WHETHER IT WAS AIDS, DRUG ABUSE, OR MARRIAGE COUNSELING,
PTL, AND IN PARTICULAR TAMMY,
RUSHED IN WHERE OTHER CHRISTIAN BROADCASTERS FEARED TO TREAD.
THE PENILE IMPLANT OF THE INFLATABLE TYPE,
AND THAT'S THE ONE THAT WE'RE LOOKING AT--
IT'S THE NEWEST ONE, RIGHT?
THIS IS THE NEWEST ONE OUT THERE.
WHEN HE WANTS TO BECOME ERECT, HE REACHES DOWN,
HE SQUEEZES THAT SEVERAL TIMES,
AND THE MAN BECOMES FIRM.
I THINK THAT'S FANTASTIC.
NOW GO AHEAD, AUDIENCE, GO AHEAD.
I'VE BEEN IN HOLLYWOOD, AND IN NEW YORK,
AND I'D SEEN THE NETWORKS PRODUCE,
BUT THERE WERE NO PRODUCERS LIKE TAMMY.
♪ OH, WELL, NOW ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT BOUNCING AROUND LIKE A PING-PONG BALL? 
♪
♪ WHO'S THAT, BIGGER THAN LIFE ♪
♪ EVEN THOUGH SHE'S SMALL... ♪
Reverend White:
THE FIRST DAY I SAW HER,
I WATCHED HER DO 3 DIFFERENT SHOWS,
HOUR-LONG SHOWS IN A ROW,
WITHOUT A TELEPROMPTER,
WITHOUT NOTES,
JUST KEEPING IT GOING.
♪ IT'S TAMMY ♪
♪ A DOUBLE-WHAMMY ♪
♪ OF TURNED-ON CHRISTIAN LOVE ♪
RuPaul: 
WHEN NOT IN FRONT OF A CAMERA,
TAMMY WAS BEHIND A MICROPHONE
RECORDING OVER 40 ALBUMS.
Announcer:
TAMMY FAYE...
WARM...
GENTLE...
RADIANT...
BLESSED.
A GLOWING EXAMPLE.
FOR YOUR COPY OF HER MOST RECENT ALBUM,
SEND $25 TODAY TO JIM BAKKER...
RuPaul: 
AND IN BETWEEN RECORDING ALBUMS,
SHE RAISED A FAMILY...
ALSO ON TELEVISION.
I WANT YOU TO MEET MY BOY--
JAMIE CHARLES BAKKER.
[APPLAUSE] Tammy: 
WE IDENTIFIED WITH THE AMERICAN FAMILY,
AND THEY IDENTIFIED WITH US.
I PRACTICALLY HAD BOTH MY CHILDREN ON TV.
BEFORE I WAS BORN, I WAS ON TELEVISION.
IN MY MOTHER'S STOMACH,
I WAS ON TELEVISION.
SO MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.
[APPLAUSE]
Jamie: 
SO MANY PEOPLE NOW, EVEN TO THIS DAY,
COME UP, AND THEY'RE LIKE,
"I REMEMBER YOU FROM WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE KID.
I GREW UP WITH YOU.
I FEEL LIKE I'M A PART OF YOU."
AND IT'S BECAUSE THEY GREW UP IN OUR HOUSE,
I MEAN, IN OUR LIVES.
MY LANDS!
Jamie Bakker: 
IT WAS VERY NORMAL TO HAVE CAMERAS
AROUND THE HOUSE DURING CHRISTMAS.
THIS WAS LIFE TO ME.
Tammy: 
WE WERE PART OF THEIR FAMILIES.
WE LOVED THEM, AND THEY LOVED US AS FAMILY PEOPLE.
AND I THINK THAT'S WHY IT WAS SO POWERFUL.
RuPaul: 
THE PRAISE THE LORD NETWORK TOOK OFF.
FROM THIS MOMENT ON,
THE PTL TELEVISION NETWORK PLANS TO BROADCAST... 24 HOURS A DAY...
UNTIL THE SECOND COMING OF JESUS CHRIST.
♪ JESUS KEEPS ON TAKING ME HIGHER AND HIGHER ♪
♪ HIGHER AND HIGHER ♪
♪ HIGHER AND HIGHER ♪
♪ JESUS KEEPS... ♪
WE KEPT ADDING STATION AFTER STATION AFTER STATION,
AND IT WAS AN AWESOME THING THAT HAPPENED.
Jim: 
ALL OVER THE WORLD, WE WERE DOING TELEVISION.
WE WERE ONE OF THE FIRST 4 SATELLITE NETWORKS IN THE WORLD.
Announcer:
YOU'RE WATCHING...
THAT'S WHY LATER ON,
THE PLUM THAT SO MANY PEOPLE WANTED
WAS THAT SATELLITE.
RuPaul: 
BUT JIM WASN'T SATISFIED WITH JUST A TELEVISION NETWORK.
Tammy:
JIM FELT THAT IF THE PEOPLE WERE THERE ON THE GROUNDS
AND COULD COME AND STAY WHERE PTL WAS AND SEE,
AND GET IN ON THE VISION...
THAT'S WHAT HE WANTED.
HE WANTED ALL THE PEOPLE TO BE ABLE TO ACTUALLY BE THERE.
RuPaul:
TO REALIZE THIS VISION,
JIM BAKKER CONTACTED HIS CHURCH BUILDER ROE MESSNER.
Roe: 
I GOT ON A PLANE AND WENT DOWN TO CHARLOTTE,
MET WITH JIM,
AND HE LAID OUT THIS GRANDIOSE PLAN
THAT HE HAD FOR 2,500 ACRES
AND WANTED TO KNOW IF I WOULD, UH,
DESIGN HIS BUILDINGS AND BE HIS CONTRACTOR.
RuPaul:
WHAT JIM ENVISIONED
WAS NOTHING LESS THAN A CHRISTIAN DISNEYLAND,
A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR RESORT
THAT WOULD EVENTUALLY INCLUDE A 500-ROOM HOTEL,
A STATE-OF-THE-ART BROADCAST FACILITY,
AND A WATER PARK.
♪ PRAISE THE LORD ♪
♪ EVERYBODY LIFT OUR VOICES... ♪
WELL, PART OF THE EXCITEMENT OF HERITAGE U.S.A., I BELIEVE,
WAS PEOPLE WATCHING THE BUILDINGS GOING UP.
AND I DON'T THINK MAYBE I UNDERSTOOD THAT AS WELL AS I WISH I WOULD HAVE.
I GOT TO WHERE I COULDN'T STAND TO HEAR THE NAME ROE MESSNER.
BECAUSE I--FOR ONE THING,
I KNEW THAT BUILDINGS MEANT RAISING LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY.
RuPaul: 
JIM BAKKER REACHED OUT TO HIS FOLLOWERS
TO PAY FOR HIS DREAM CITY
WITH AN ENDLESS ROUND OF TELETHONS.
♪ PRAISE THE LORD ♪
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH...
RuPaul: 
BUT ENOUGH WAS NEVER ENOUGH.
AND I KNOW SOME OF YOU HAVE GOTTEN BUSY SIGNALS,
SO START DIALING RIGHT NOW, AND YOU CAN GET THROUGH.
RENEW YOUR PLEDGE, MAKE YOUR PLEDGE.
WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE BUSY SIGNALS.
NOW PARTNERS ARE SAYING, "JIM,
WE WANT JIM AND TAMMY IN OUR HOMES."
Tammy: 
I BEGAN TO FEEL LIKE PTL HAD GROWN SO FAR PAST ME,
AND I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE I WAS EVEN SOPHISTICATED ENOUGH
TO BE IN SUCH A HIGH POSITION.
WE BEGAN TO LEAD SEPARATE LIVES.
JIM WAS SO BUSY RAISING MONEY TO BUILD BUILDINGS,
AND HE FORGOT HIS FAMILY.
AND, UM...
WE WERE LEFT IN THE DUST SOMEWHERE.
♪ THIS IS YOUR HERITAGE ♪
♪ HERITAGE U.S.A. ♪
RuPaul:
BY THE MID-EIGHTIES,
HERITAGE PARK WAS ON ITS WAY
TO BECOMING THE THIRD MOST POPULAR RESORT DESTINATION IN THE U.S.,
BUT THE PRICE OF PTL's SUCCESS KEPT CLIMBING.
TODAY, WE ARE AROUND $2 MILLION IN PAST-DUE BILLS
THAT MUST BE PAID IF WE'RE GOING TO SAVE THE ENTIRE NETWORK.
SOON, I FIND MYSELF WITH A BUDGET
OF A MILLION DOLLARS EVERY 2 DAYS.
AND THE TAIL BEGAN TO WAG THE DOG.
YOU KNOW, REALLY, IF EVERYONE WOULD DOUBLE THEIR PLEDGE ONE MONTH...
IF EVERY PERSON THAT WATCHED THIS TELECAST COULD GIVE $10 A MONTH...
IF YOU HAVEN'T PLEDGED THAT $15 A MONTH...
CALL RIGHT NOW.
I WANT TO SEND YOU...
THIS BEAUTIFUL LITTLE RICE-PADDY BABY
FOR YOUR GIFT OF $100.
RuPaul: 
PTL's CRISIS RIDDEN FINANCES
ATTRACTED THE ATTENTION OF A YOUNG REPORTER AT THE LOCAL PAPER,
THE CHARLOTTE OBSERVER.
I HAD BEEN REPORTING ON PTL FOR SEVERAL YEARS.
AND THERE WAS A HISTORY OF MISMANAGEMENT,
AND OF QUESTIONABLE SPENDING OF MONEY.
TAMMY AND I ARE UNDERGOING THE MOST VICIOUS ATTACKS
IN THE HISTORY OF THIS MINISTRY.
BY NOW, PERHAPS, YOU THINK
THAT WE SHOULD BE USED TO THESE ATTACKS.
BUT IT'S BEEN GOING ON FOR A LONG TIME, TAMMY.
YES, JIM.
IT'S BEEN GOING ON FOR ALMOST 10 YEARS.
USA TODAY CARRIED THIS BLURB:
"PTL PRESIDENT JIM BAKKER
USED DONATIONS TO HIS TELEVISION MINISTRY
TO BUY PERSONAL ITEMS, LIKE A MINK COAT,
A SPORTS CAR, AND A HOUSE BOAT,
THE CHARLOTTE OBSERVER REPORTED SUNDAY."
I HAVE ALL THE CANCELLED CHECKS.
I'LL HAVE TO PICK 'EM ALL BACK UP AGAIN.
I THINK THE FACT IS BAKKER LATCHED ONTO AN IDEA
THAT WAS GONNA HELP PROPEL HIS MINISTRY FORWARD,
AND IT THEN BECAME A VERY CONVENIENT WAY
TO DO A LOT OF OTHER THINGS,
AND HE MADE SOME STATEMENTS
ABOUT WHAT HE WAS GONNA DO WITH THIS MONEY,
THAT HE THEN DID NOT FOLLOW.
Announcer: 
HERE ARE JIM AND TAMMY BAKKER!
RuPaul: 
DESPITE THE ATTACKS, THE BAKKERS CONTINUED TO SHINE
AS CHRISTIAN TELEVISION'S BRIGHTEST STARS.
BY SPECIAL REQUEST,
HERE'S TAMMY FAYE TO SING WE'RE BLESSED!
♪ WE'RE BLESSED, WE'RE BLESSED, WE'RE BLESSED ♪
♪ WE ARE BLESSED ♪
♪ OH, WE GIVE SHELTER, CLOTHING, AND STRENGTH ♪
♪ WE ARE BLESSED ♪
♪ WE'RE BLESSED, WE'RE BLESSED, WE'RE BLESSED ♪
OFF SCREEN, THEIR MARRIAGE WAS FALLING APART.
JIM HAD A SECRET.
JIM BAKKER, MEET JESSICA HAHN.
Charles: 
IN 1980, ONE OF HIS RELIGIOUS ASSOCIATES
HAD ARRANGED AN ENCOUNTER IN A HOTEL ROOM
WITH A WOMAN NAMED JESSICA HAHN,
A YOUNG WOMAN, I THINK, IN HER EARLY 20s.
AND THAT LED TO A SEXUAL ENCOUNTER OF SOME KIND OR ANOTHER.
THERE'S A DISPUTE OVER WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED IN THAT ROOM.
THAT DAY ALL MY DREAMS WERE SHATTERED
AND MY LIFE WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME.
Charles: 
IN EARLY 1985...
PTL AGREED TO SETTLE
A THREATENED LAWSUIT BY JESSICA HAHN
BY PAYING HER A SUM OF MONEY.
RuPaul: 
ONCE AGAIN, THE PTL NETWORK TURNED TO ROE MESSNER,
APPARENTLY WITHOUT JIM'S KNOWLEDGE.
Roe: 
THEY CAME TO ME AND SAID WE GOT A PROBLEM.
WE'VE MADE AN AGREEMENT WITH THIS LADY
THAT IF WE PAY HER $265,000,
SHE'LL GO AWAY.
AND I SAID THAT'S NOT THE WAY TO DO THAT.
I SAID YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT.
I SAID, "I'LL LOAN YOU THE MONEY,
BUT," I SAYS, "IT'S A LOAN.
I WANT THE MONEY PAID BACK."
RuPaul: 
UNAWARE OF JIM'S SECRET,
TAMMY FAYE WAS STRUGGLING WITH HER OWN.
JOIN THE PTL CLUB,
AND TAMMY WANTS TO SEND YOU A COPY OF HER BOOK
HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR.
Tammy: 
I BECAME VERY NERVOUS,
SO I WENT TO THE DOCTOR
WITH A HYPERVENTILATION PROBLEM,
AND THEY KNEW IT WAS A CASE OF NERVOUS FRUSTRATION.
AND SO THEY GAVE ME A LITTLE PILL CALLED ADAVAN.
AND ADAVAN...
WAS A WONDERFUL DRUG FOR ME AT THE TIME.
I DIDN'T TAKE MY MEDICINE TODAY
BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE BRIGHT.
YESTERDAY, I ALMOST FELL OFF MY HIGH HEELS.
I WAS ON MEDICINE, TAKING MY MEDICINE, SO I'M NOT SAYING--
THIS WAS HER WAY OF DEALING WITH THE STRESS
THAT SHE WAS UNDER IN THE RELATIONSHIP.
AND SHE WOULD LITERALLY LOSE TRACK
OF THE NUMBER OF ADAVAN THAT SHE WOULD TAKE.
TAMMY, I THINK YOU OUGHT TO SING A SONG FOR US.
I'M BACK HERE LOOKING AT THE BOAT, JIM.
ISN'T THIS A MAGNIFICENT THING?
YES.
RIGHT HERE ON OUR BEACH.
IT LOOKS BRAND NEW.
I BET--
I'M GONNA TAKE MY SHOES OFF AND WADE IN THE WATER.
I DON'T THINK THAT BOAT'S EVER SEEN WATER.
[GIGGLING]
I FINALLY GOT TO THE POINT
WHERE I HAD TO HAVE ADAVAN WITH ME AT ALL TIMES.
RuPaul:
THEN TAMMY OVERDOSED.
Tammy: 
WE HAD JUST BROKEN GROUND
FOR ONE OF THE BUILDINGS THAT WE WERE GETTING READY TO BUILD.
IT WAS GOING TO BE A FOOTBALL FIELD LONG.
AND WE HAD BROKEN GROUND.
THE DAY WAS VERY, VERY COLD,
AND NONE OF US HAD WORN PROPER CLOTHING.
AND I GOT PNEUMONIA AS A RESULT OF THAT.
THEY SAID THAT I HAD ENOUGH ADAVAN IN ME
THAT WOULD'VE KILLED A HUGE TRUCK DRIVER.
RuPaul: 
TAMMY WAS RUSHED ON A FRIEND'S PRIVATE JET
TO EISENHOWER MEDICAL CENTER IN PALM SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA.
ON THE AIRPLANE I WENT INTO HALLUCINATIONS.
IT-IT'S PLEASANT.
IT IS PLEASANT WHEN YOU'RE IN A DRUG-INDUCED STATE OF MIND.
I MEAN, YOU CAN SIT AND WATCH WONDERFUL THINGS,
AND I SAW CARTOONS.
BUT THEN THERE ARE TIMES
WHEN YOU SEE REALLY HORRIBLE THINGS, TOO.
I SAW THESE MEN WITH THESE BLACK CAPES ON.
I SAW THEM COMING AT ME IN DROVES.
RuPaul: 
ONCE ON THE PLANE,
TAMMY TRIED TO DISEMBARK AT 30,000 FEET.
Tammy: 
THEY TOOK ME FROM THE HOSPITAL
DIRECTLY TO THE BETTY FORD CENTER.
I THOUGHT I WAS BEING PUNISHED FOR SOMETHING,
AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS BEING PUNISHED FOR.
IT STILL HURTS ME...
THAT THEY DID NOT TELL ME THEY WERE GONNA DO THAT TO ME.
SHE SPENT ONE NIGHT THERE AND THEN LEFT.
ALL I NEEDED WAS TO BE EDUCATED,
BECAUSE I'M AN INTELLIGENT PERSON, AND THAT'S ALL I NEEDED.
ONCE I WAS EDUCATED AND REALIZED WHAT I WAS DOING,
I STOPPED IT AND I HAVE NEVER, EVER
HAVE HAD TO--HAVE--HAVE, UH...
BEEN ADDICTED TO ANYTHING AGAIN.
JUST DIET COKE.
BUT THE PRESIDENT LIKES IT, TOO,
SO I'M IN GOOD COMPANY.
[BLEEP]
Both: 
HEE HEE HEE HEE.
I WENT AWAY FOR A WHILE,
AND I HAVE LEARNED THE BEST LESSON IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
I LEARNED HOW MUCH I LOVED MY HUSBAND,
HOW MUCH I CARED FOR MY HUSBAND.
AND I LEARNED A LESSON OF LONELINESS
SUCH AS I'VE NEVER FELT IN MY LIFE.
WHEN I HAD TO GO OUT ALL OF A SUDDEN
AND GO BY MYSELF AND DO MY WASHING
TO A PLACE WHERE I DIDN'T EVEN--
WAS NOT FAMILIAR WITH,
WHEN I HAD TO CARRY OUT MY OWN GARBAGE,
WHEN I HAD TO DO ALL THE THINGS
THAT I DID WITH SOMEONE I LOVED BEFORE,
WHEN I HAD TO DO IT ALL BY MYSELF,
ALL OF A SUDDEN, I REALIZED
THAT THERE WAS A LOT MORE TO MARRIAGE THAN JUST THE SPARKLES.
RuPaul: 
JIM AND TAMMY DECIDED TO STAY IN THEIR HOME IN PALM SPRINGS
AND PUT THEIR MARRIAGE BACK TOGETHER,
BUT THINGS TURNED OUT DIFFERENTLY.
THE THING I REMEMBER MOST ABOUT THIS HOUSE,
I BELIEVE, IS THE WIND.
WE USED TO GO UP ON TOP OF THE ROOF OF THE GARAGE
AND LISTEN TO THE WIND BLOWING THROUGH THE PALM TREES AT NIGHT.
AND THE MOON WOULD BE OUT.
IT WOULD BE SO BEAUTIFUL HERE IN THE DESERT.
THIS IS THE HOUSE WHERE OUR WHOLE LIVES
CAME TUMBLING DOWN ON US.
I WAS STILL VERY WEAK AND VERY SICK
WHEN I FINISHED THE BETTY FORD PROGRAM.
AND JIM WAS REALLY BURNED OUT,
HAVING TO RAISE $1 MILLION A WEEK
TO KEEP PTL ON THE AIR, AND TO KEEP ALL THE BILLS PAID.
Jim: 
IT WAS BEGINNING TO CRUSH ME.
AT THE END OF THE DAY,
I WOULD LITERALLY HAVE TO THINK TO WALK.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT, BUT I'D HAVE TO--
I WAS SO EXHAUSTED, I'D HAVE TO, YOU KNOW--
USUALLY YOUR BODY WILL JUST WALK BY ITSELF,
BUT I'M HAVING TO PICK UP MY FEET ON PURPOSE TO WALK.
AND SO JERRY FALWELL KNEW JUST WHEN TO HIT.
RuPaul: 
ALTHOUGH JIM AND TAMMY WERE THE MOST POPULAR EVANGELISTS OF THEIR TIME,
SOUTHERN BAPTIST MINISTER JERRY FALWELL WAS THE MOST POWERFUL.
HE WAS THE FOUNDER OF THE MORAL MAJORITY
AND PLAYED A KEY ROLE IN REAGAN'S ELECTION.
HE PREACHED A RETURN TO FAMILY VALUES
AND SINGLED OUT THE PRO-ABORTION AND GAY MOVEMENTS FOR ATTACK.
FALWELL'S EMPIRE INCLUDED A SUCCESSFUL TELEVISION MINISTRY
AND A UNIVERSITY,
BUT IT DID NOT INCLUDE A SATELLITE.
HE CALLS JIM UP AND HE SAYS,
"JIM, I HAVE FOUND SOMETHING OUT THAT I AM GOING TO--
"THAT IS GOING TO BE LEAKED TO THE NEWSPAPERS
"IF YOU DON'T ALLOW ME TO HELP YOU."
HE SAYS, "LET ME FLY OUT TO CALIFORNIA,
AND I WANT TO HELP YOU AND TAMMY THROUGH THIS."
AND THEN HE BROUGHT UP THE NAME JESSICA HAHN.
THIS IS WHERE I HEARD JIM TELL ME
THAT HE HAD HAD A ONE-NIGHT STAND
WITH A YOUNG LADY BY THE NAME OF JESSICA HAHN.
EVEN THOUGH IT HAD HAPPENED 9 YEARS BEFORE,
TO ME, IT WAS LIKE IT HAD HAPPENED YESTERDAY.
I LAID ON THE FLOOR AND I CRIED FOR 3 DAYS.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO MY LIFE.
AND I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO SOLVE IT.
RuPaul: 
TAMMY WROTE TO JESSICA HAHN,
ASKING TO MEET WITH HER.
SHE DECLINED.
SHE DID, HOWEVER, TELL HER SIDE OF THE STORY
IN A 1993 PLAYBOY VIDEO.
I WOULD REALLY LIKE PEOPLE TO KNOW
THERE ARE SIDES OF MY PERSONALITY THAT NO ONE HAS SEEN.
I WOULD JUST LIKE PEOPLE TO KNOW THE REAL ME.
Tammy: 
JERRY FALWELL FLEW HIS PRIVATE JET OUT.
HE SAID--HE PUT HIS ARMS AROUND ME-- "I WANT TO HELP YOU."
AND WITH THAT, HE SAID, "IF YOU WILL GIVE PTL TO ME FOR 6 WEEKS,"
HE SAID, "WHILE THIS STORY BREAKS, WHICH IS BOUND TO BREAK,"
HE SAID, "WE WILL BE THE CATALYST,
"AND IN 6 WEEKS, YOU WILL HAVE YOUR MINISTRY BACK,
AND IT WILL BE LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED."
AN ATTACK ON ONE DENOMINATION IS AN ATTACK ON ALL.
WE MUST SHARE THE BREAD OF ADVERSITY
AND THE WATER OF AFFLICTION.
JIM SWALLOWED IT HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER.
BUT I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG SOMEWHERE,
AND I BEGGED HIM-- I BEGGED HIM
NOT TO GIVE UP HIS PLACE ON THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS.
I TOLD HIM, "GO BACK AND TALK TO THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS.
"GO BACK AND TALK TO YOUR PEOPLE
BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS."
AND JIM SAID, "NO.
"DADDY FALWELL'S HERE.
HE'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING."
BY EARLY 1987, I HAD COLLECTED THE INFORMATION
I NEEDED TO PUBLISH A STORY ABOUT JESSICA HAHN AND ABOUT THAT PAYOFF.
ON MARCH 19, 1987,
IN AN INTERVIEW WITH US ABOUT THE STORY,
INSTEAD OF AN INTERVIEW, WE HEARD A RESIGNATION SPEECH OVER THE TELEPHONE.
JIM WAS IN CALIFORNIA.
HE READ THIS RESIGNATION.
HE GOT OFF THE PHONE AND IMMEDIATELY
A MAN NAMED JERRY FALWELL COMES ON,
WHICH IS A SHOCK TO ALL OF US AT THE NEWSPAPER.
AND FALWELL HAS BEEN GIVEN BY JIM THE MANTLE OF RUNNING PTL.
HOW CAN WE SAY THANK YOU FOR YOU GENTLEMEN
WHO HAVE STOOD BY JIM AND TAMMY'S SIDE, AND ALL OF OUR SIDE?
IF OUR ARMS WERE BIG ENOUGH,
WE'D JUST WRAP THEM ALL AROUND ALL OF YOU.
WE REALLY WOULD.
Charles: 
THAT STORY EXPLODED.
IT WAS THE STORY FOR NEWSPAPERS
AND TELEVISION AROUND THE COUNTRY.
ARE YOU PLANNING ON COMING BACK?
I REMEMBER GOING TO PTL
AND GOING INTO THIS NEWS CONFERENCE
THAT FALWELL HELD AT THE HOTEL,
AND I HAVE TO SAY, FEELING SOME BLUSH OF PRIDE
AT WHAT MY GOOD REPORTING HAD CREATED HERE.
Tammy: 
O.J. SIMPSON WAS NOTHING
COMPARED TO WHAT WE HAD AROUND US.
IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE.
WE JUST WANTED TO SAY HELLO,
AND THANK ALL YOU CAMERAMEN
AND ALL YOU PRESS PEOPLE.
I HATE IT YOU HAD TO STAND OUT
IN THIS HOT SUN IN THIS DESERT.
THEY WERE 4, 5 DEEP FOR THE WHOLE BLOCK,
DOWN ALL AROUND OUR HOUSE.
THERE WAS NO PLACE FOR US TO HIDE AT ALL.
REMEMBER, I WAS 11 YEARS OLD WHEN THIS WAS HAPPENING,
BUT I COULD TELL SOMETHING WAS GOING WRONG.
SHARE WITH US.
HOW'S JAMIE CHARLES AND TAMMY SUE DOING?
WE'RE CONCERNED.
I WISH YOU'D STARTED SOMEWHERE ELSE.
[CRYING]
ONE OF THE LAST THING JAMIE CHARLES SAID IS,
"WILL I GET A CHANCE TO GO HOME AND GET MY TOYS?"
Man: 
AW, BLESS HIM.
AND SUSIE'S DOING WELL.
I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
WHAT WOULD ANY TEENAGER DO?
RUN AWAY.
THAT'S THE ANSWER.
YOU KNOW.
AND THAT'S WHAT I DID.
RuPaul: 
ON JUNE 11, 1987,
JIM AND TAMMY WENT ON THE AIR
TO ADDRESS THE PTL AUDIENCE FOR WHAT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME.
TAMMY AND I ARE SO VERY GLAD
THAT WE'VE BEEN GRANTED THIS OPPORTUNITY
TO TALK WITH YOU TODAY.
AND SAY HELLO.
YES. 
HELLO, EVERYONE.
AND WE WANT TO SAY TO YOU
THAT WE ARE SO VERY, VERY SORRY.
I BELIEVE, TAMMY,
'CAUSE THE GOD I SERVE IS STILL GOD,
I BELIEVE THE SUN WILL SHINE AGAIN.
OH, I DO, TOO, JIM.
YOU WANT TO SING IT?
I'LL DO IT.
CAN YOU DO IT?
ALL RIGHT, TAMMY FAYE IS GONNA SING A SONG FOR YOU
JUST BEFORE WE LEAVE OUR HOUSE.
MAYBE YOU'RE HURTING AND YOU NEED THIS SONG TODAY, TOO,
SO, I'LL SING IT FOR BOTH OF US, OK?
♪ OH, THE SUN WILL SHINE AGAIN ♪
♪ THE SUN WILL SHINE AGAIN ♪
♪ OH, THE SUN WILL SHINE AGAIN ♪
WE CAME IN HERE FIRST
BECAUSE WE FELT JIM BAKKER WANTED US HERE.
♪ A NEW DAY WILL BREAK ♪
WE NOW FEEL A HIGHER CALLING.
WE FEEL THAT GOD WANTS US HERE,
AT LEAST FOR THE TIME BEING.
JERRY FALWELL CAME IN TO RESCUE THE NETWORK,
BUT, IN FACT, TOOK IT.
RESCUE, TAKE, THEY'RE OPPOSITES.
I FEEL LIKE GOD HAS FORGIVEN ME OF SO MUCH,
THAT I WILL FORGIVE EVERYONE WHO HAS HURT US.
AND SO WE JUST WANT EVERYONE
TO BEGIN TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER,
AND THAT THE CHURCH WORLD WILL LOVE ONE ANOTHER,
THAT THE PEOPLE OF GOD WILL NOT FIGHT.
OH, I BELIEVE YOUR MIDNIGHT'S ALMOST OVER.
AND THANK GOD, THE SUN IS GOING TO SHINE AGAIN.
PRAISE THE LORD.
[APPLAUSE]
Man: 
HALLELUJAH!
PRAISE THE LORD!
Roe: 
JERRY FALWELL CALLED ME UP,
AND HE SAID, "ROE, I WANT YOU TO GO OUT
AND SEE JIM AND TAMMY FOR ME."
HE SAID, "I WANT YOU TO GO OUT THERE
"AND TELL THEM I'M GOING TO GIVE THEM
"300,000 SALARY THIS YEAR.
"I'M GOING TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR HEALTH INSURANCE,
"PAY THE PHONE BILL,
"I'M GOING TO GIVE THEM ONE SECURITY GUARD,
A MAID," HE SAID,
AND YOU KNOW, JUST HAVE THEM WRITE IT DOWN ON A PIECE OF PAPER."
ROE, THINKING THAT FALWELL WAS AN HONORABLE MAN,
CAME OUT TO OUR HOUSE AND TOLD US THIS.
AND SO HE SAID, "TAMMY, YOU NEED TO JUST GET A PIECE OF PAPER
"AND YOU NEED TO WRITE DOWN THE LIST OF BENEFITS
"THAT THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS VOTED FOR YOU TO HAVE,
AND MR. FALWELL WANTS TO CONTINUE THOSE FOR A YEAR."
AND I GAVE JERRY,
I GAVE HIM THIS-- THIS THING
WITH TAMMY'S PINK STATIONARY.
HE GOES TO THE CAMERA RIGHT THEN.
WE WERE IN OUR HOME AND CNN WAS ON,
AND, OF COURSE, WE WERE WATCHING IT.
JIM AND TAMMY GAVE ME THIS LIST OF THINGS THEY'D LIKE TO RECEIVE.
JIM'S SALARY, FOR A LIFETIME,
AT $300,000 PER YEAR.
TAMMY'S SALARY, FOR A LIFETIME, $100,000.
SECRETARY FOR ONE YEAR...
PHONE BILL..2 CARS...
HOUSE ON THE LAKE...
SECURITY...
AND THE FURNITURE.
THEY WANT A MAID.
I DON'T SEE ANY REPENTANCE THERE.
I SEE THE GREED.
I SEE THE SELF-CENTEREDNESS.
I SEE THE AVARICE THAT BROUGHT THEM DOWN.
AND FROM THAT DAY ON,
HE STARTED-- HE STARTED HIS ATTACK ON JIM.
THE HOMOSEXUALITY STUFF,
THE DARK HOLE WHERE ALL THE MONEY'S GONE,
AND ALL THAT BALONEY THAT HE CAME UP WITH.
I HAVE SAT ACROSS THE TABLE FROM MEN
WHO HAVE TOLD ME OF THEIR-- OF YOUR HOMOSEXUAL ADVANCES.
AND SINCE THEN, OF COURSE, I HAVE LEARNED OF THE FISCAL IRREGULARITIES.
AND JIM, I MUST TELL YOU
THAT I WOULD BE DOING A DISSERVICE TO GOD,
AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU AND CARE FOR YOU,
AND WILL PRAY FOR YOU,
I WOULD BE DOING A DISSERVICE TO GOD
AND TO THE CHURCH AT LARGE
TO ALLOW YOU TO COME BACK HERE NOW OR EVER.
JIM, A LOOK OF PURE HORROR,
PURE TORTURE PASSED OVER HIS FACE.
AND HE SAID, "TAM, IT'S ALL OVER.
I'VE BEEN HAD."
Charles: 
MY SENSE OF FALWELL AND OF HIS PEOPLE
AND HOW THEY OPERATED WAS THEY HAD VERY SHARP KNIVES.
AND THE BAKKERS PROBABLY WERE A LITTLE NAIVE.
I DON'T KNOW THAT THEY HAD EVER RUN INTO ANYONE WHO WAS QUITE SO CUNNING.
THEY WERE MANIPULATIVE, AND SCHEMING,
BUT HE WAS CUNNING,
AND I THINK CUNNING TRUMPED SCHEMING THERE.
RuPaul: 
LESS THAN 3 MONTHS AFTER FALWELL TOOK OVER,
PTL FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY.
THOUSANDS OF PTL PARTNERS, DONORS,
AND CREDITORS LOST MILLIONS OF DOLLARS.
Roe: 
THEY SOLD IT FOR 25 CENTS ON THE DOLLAR,
AND THERE JUST WASN'T ANY MONEY FOR THE CREDITORS.
I THINK MR. FALWELL
WANTED TO DESTROY PTL, IS WHAT I THINK.
I WOULD LOVE TO SIT AND LOOK JERRY FALWELL IN THE EYES
AND SAY, "JERRY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST
GET IT RIGHT WITH GOD AND SAY YOU'RE SORRY?"
HE DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE IT RIGHT WITH ME,
BECAUSE I'M NOT IN CHARGE OF WHETHER JERRY FALWELL'S GOING TO HEAVEN OR HELL.
THAT'S NOT--I'M NOT IN CHARGE OF THAT.
BUT I SAY HE HAD BETTER MAKE IT RIGHT WITH GOD.
I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO FACE JERRY,
BUT HE WON'T FACE ME.
I KNOW HE WON'T.
RuPaul: 
FALWELL NEVER REPLIED TO TAMMY'S LETTER.
HE HAS, HOWEVER, GONE ON RECORD
CALLING TAMMY A LOONY WHOSE ELEVATOR NEVER WENT TO THE TOP FLOOR.
FALWELL ALSO NEVER RESPONDED TO THE PRODUCER'S REQUEST
FOR AN INTERVIEW.
ELSEWHERE, HOWEVER,
HE HAS DENIED THAT THE LIST ON TAMMY'S LETTERHEAD
WAS CREATED AT HIS SUGGESTION.
HE ALSO MAINTAINS THAT BAKKER ASKED HIM
TO TAKE OVER THE PTL MINISTRY
AND WAS NEVER PROMISED HE COULD RETURN.
RuPaul: 
IN 1989, JIM BAKKER WENT ON TRIAL FOR FRAUD.
Reporter:
THE GOVERNMENT SAID BAKKER
DELIBERATELY SOLD MORE THAN TWICE AS MANY PARTNERSHIPS FOR LODGING
AS THERE WERE ACCOMMODATIONS,
AND POCKETED NEARLY $4 MILLION
TO KEEP HIM IN EXPENSIVE HOMES AND CARS.
James Albert: 
THIS WAS A FEDERAL TRIAL.
THERE WERE NO CAMERAS ALLOWED IN THE COURTROOM.
WE HAD TO RELY ON THOSE PRINT JOURNALISTS,
AND PARTICULARLY THE CHARLOTTE OBSERVER REPORTERS.
THEN, OF COURSE, REMEMBER, THE CHARLOTTE OBSERVER
WON THE PULITZER PRIZE FOR PUBLIC SERVICE FOR TOPPLING JIM BAKKER
AND EXPOSING HIM ONE FULL YEAR
BEFORE THIS JURY EVER GOT A CHANCE TO CONSIDER
ANY OF THIS EVIDENCE.
RuPaul: 
JAMES ALBERT SPENT 5 YEARS STUDYING THE PTL TRIAL,
AND WROTE A BOOK THAT RAISED QUESTIONS
ABOUT HOW THE TRIAL MIGHT HAVE BEEN
A MISCARRIAGE OF JUSTICE.
WHEN THE DEFENSE PLAYED A PTL VIDEO
FOR THE JURY TO SEE,
JUDGE POTTER ACTUALLY STUCK HIS INDEX FINGERS IN HIS EARS
AND TURNED AWAY.
HE HAS SAID IN THE COURT MANY TIMES,
"I MAY NOT BE RULING THIS CORRECTLY,
BUT YOU CAN TAKE IT UP ON YOUR APPEAL."
AND I FEEL THAT ANY JUDGE WHO THINKS
THAT WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO APPEAL
HAS ALREADY MADE UP HIS MIND THAT WE'RE GUILTY.
THE JUDGE REFUSED TO ALLOW THE JURORS
TO BOARD A BUS AND TRAVEL 15 MINUTES TO HERITAGE U.S.A.,
TO SEE WHAT JIM BAKKER HAD BUILT
WITH ALL THE MONEY THAT HE RAISED.
IT WAS A TRIAL NOT ABOUT FRAUD
OR CRIMINAL CONDUCT.
IT WAS A TRIAL ABOUT LIFESTYLE AND WEALTH.
Reporter: 
PTL's NEW MANAGEMENT
ACT CONTINUALLY AMAZED AT THE OPULENCE
UNDER WHICH JIM AND TAMMY BAKKER LIVED.
IN FACT, A TRIP THROUGH THE PRESIDENTIAL SUITE
AT THE HERITAGE GRAND HOTEL
SHOWS THE BAKKERS LIVED, ONE COULD EASILY DEDUCE, QUITE LUXURIOUSLY.
THEY LIVED WELL,
BUT THEY LIVED NO BETTER THAN PAT ROBERTSON,
NO BETTER THAN JERRY FALWELL,
NO BETTER THAN JIM DOBSON,
'CAUSE I'VE BEEN IN THEIR HOMES, TOO.
BUT LOOK, I THINK THE FACT IS
THE BAKKERS HAD BEEN,
FROM PRETTY MUCH EVERYBODY'S POINT OF VIEW,
PRETTY GREEDY.
IT'S LUDICROUS TO ARGUE
THAT JIM BAKKER RAISED $158 MILLION
FROM HIS TELEVISION VIEWERS
TO KEEP $3 MILLION FOR HIMSELF.
RuPaul: 
AFTER A 6-WEEK TRIAL,
JIM BAKKER WAS SENTENCED TO 45 YEARS IN FEDERAL PRISON.
I CAN'T IMAGINE HIM BEING TAKEN INTO CUSTODY,
BUT THAT'S VERY MUCH IN THE JUDGE'S DISCRETION,
AND THE JUDGE HAS PROVEN HIMSELF HARD TO PREDICT.
WITH TODAY'S VERDICT, REALITY HAS FINALLY DAWNED FOR JIM BAKKER.
TODAY WAS CERTAINLY AN EXAMPLE OF GOD'S AMAZING GRACE.
THEY DID HIM LIKE THEY DONE JESUS,
WITH LEADING HIM LIKE HE'S A BIG DRUG PUSHER,
A BIG ROBBER OR SOMETHING.
THEY HAD HANDCUFFS ON HIM,
LEADING HIM, AND HE IS THE MAN OF GOD.
I HAVE A SONG FOR YOU.
♪ ON CHRIST, THE SOLID ROCK, I STAND ♪
♪ ALL OTHER GROUND IS SINKING SAND ♪
♪ ALL OTHER GROUND IS SINKING SAND ♪
IT'S NOT OVER TILL IT'S OVER.
RuPaul: 
THIS IS THE LAST TIME
TAMMY FAYE WOULD SING IN PUBLIC FOR QUITE SOME TIME.
MEANWHILE CHARLES SHEPARD WROTE A BOOK CALLED FORGIVEN,
A SEARING ACCOUNT OF THE SCANDAL.
[TYPING]
SHEPARD WAS ASKED IF HE WOULD MET WITH TAMMY FAYE.
HE AGREED.
SO 12 YEARS AFTER THE VERDICT,
TAMMY CONFRONTED CHARLES FOR THE FIRST TIME.
I WAS THEIR, CHARLIE.
I KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED.
I KNOW JIM BAKKER IS NOT A CROOK.
I KNOW THAT AFTER 25 YEARS IN FRONT OF THE TELEVISION CAMERAS,
WE DID NOT STEAL MONEY AND YOU AND I--
I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY, "YOU STOLE MONEY."
I DON'T FEEL I WROTE THINGS THAT WERE UNTRUE.
HMM.
CERTAINLY NOT KNOWING THEY WERE,
AND EVEN NOW, I DON'T KNOW OF ANYTHING I WROTE THAT WAS UNTRUE.
MM-HMM.
DID YOU WRITE THAT MILLIONS WERE MISSING?
I DON'T EVER REMEMBER WRITING THAT.
YOU SAID--WHAT YOU SAID WAS A BIG, DEEP HOLE...
MILLIONS MISSING.
W-WHY?
ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS JUST WHY?
WHICH QUESTION SHOULD I ANSWER FIRST?
ON ALL OF THEM!
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND, WHAT DID WE DO?
FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T-- I'M NOT HERE TO SAY-- A JUDGE AND JURY.
BECAUSE, LISTEN.
I COULD TURN AROUND AND--AND--AND--AND PUT PTL DOWN
IF I WANT TO, JUST LIKE THE NEWS DID,
BUT I WAS THERE AND I LIVED IT
AND ONE THING I KNOW ABOUT JIM BAKKER--
HE WAS AN HONEST MAN.
AND ONE THING I KNOW ABOUT THE PTL ORGANIZATION,
IT WAS AN HONEST, TRUTHFUL ORGANIZATION.
RuPaul: 
TAMMY WANTED AN APOLOGY.
CHARLES WANTED AN AUTOGRAPH.
OH, YEAH. 
I--I--I...
I BROUGHT SOME COPIES OF MY BOOK.
HEY, GREAT.
I WANTED TO GIVE YOU, BUT I WANTED TO GET YOU TO AUTOGRAPH SOME...
I WILL.
MY SCHOOL HAS GOT AN AUCTION
FOR THE GRADUATE WOMEN IN BUSINESS GROUP.
OH, SURE.
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A KICK
IF I GIVE THEM THAT TO AUCTION OFF.
OK. 
ALL RIGHT.
DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GOING TO A SIGNING, DID YOU, TAMMY?
NO, I DIDN'T.
Man: 
TAMMY, WHAT DID YOU WRITE?
HA HA HA!
BUT, HEY, CHARLES, YOU'RE FORGIVEN.
HA HA HA!
♪ I'M GOING TO LOVE MY ENEMIES ♪
♪ DO GOOD TO THOSE WHO ARE BAD TO ME ♪
♪ GOING TO LOVE... ♪
WELL, IF YOU CAME TO SEE ME CRY,
WELL, YOU GOT YOUR WISH.
Woman: 
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE A STATEMENT IN FRONT OF THE CAMERAS?
WELL, I WANT TO SAY I LOVE MY HUSBAND,
MY FAITH IS STILL STRONG IN THE LORD.
I STILL FEEL THERE'S NOTHING TOO HARD FOR GOD,
AND I'M STANDING ON CHRIST, A SOLID ROCK.
RuPaul: 
WITH A HUSBAND IN PRISON,
A RUNAWAY DAUGHTER, AND A TROUBLED SON,
TAMMY STRUGGLED TO MAKE IT ON HER OWN.
BUT IN 1992, JIM AND TAMMY'S DREAM ENDED...
IN DIVORCE.
I WAS TOTALLY ALONE AND HAD NOTHING, NO ONE.
EVERYONE HAD TURNED THEIR BACK AGAINST ME ONE MORE TIME,
AND I FELT LIKE A WOMAN WITHOUT A COUNTRY.
IT'S SO OFTEN TRUE THAT CHRISTIANS ARE
ONE ARMY THAT KILLS THEIR WOUNDED.
HA HA. 
WE DON'T--
WE DON'T TRY TO NURSE THEM BACK TO HEALTH.
AND I DON'T KNOW OF ANY WOMAN IN OUR TIME
WHO HAS BEEN SO RIDICULED, PUT DOWN, MALIGNED.
REALLY, I EQUATE HER
WITH HILLARY CLINTON...
BECAUSE THESE 2 WOMEN HAVE BOTH SUFFERED TREMENDOUSLY
BY THE THINGS THAT THEIR HUSBANDS MAY HAVE DONE.
HA. 
AND YET SHE JUST KEEPS GOING.
Choir:
♪ I'LL KEEP CLIMBING ♪
♪ I'LL KEEP CLIMBING ♪
♪ UP THE MOUNTAIN ♪
♪ UP THAT MOUNTAIN ♪
♪ AND I'LL MAKE IT ♪
♪ I'M GOING TO MAKE IT ♪
RuPaul: 18 MONTHS AFTER HER DIVORCE,
TAMMY SCANDALIZED THE CHURCH AND THE MEDIA
WHEN SHE REMARRIED.
HER NEW HUSBAND WAS THE MAN WHO PAID OFF JESSICA HAHN,
THE MAN WHO BUILT HERITAGE U.S.A.,
AND THE MAN WHO JIM BAKKER CALLED HIS BEST FRIEND...
ROE MESSNER.
Roe: 
EVERYBODY LIKES TO SAY THAT WAS PLANNED, YOU KNOW,
AND THAT ROE AND TAMMY HAD THIS BIG DEAL GOING
WHILE HE WAS IN CHARLOTTE BUILDING PTL.
NONE OF THAT'S TRUE.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, I...
LIKED TAMMY, YOU KNOW?
AND WE STARTED TALKING TOGETHER A LITTLE BIT.
UM...
AND IT JUST SORT OF HAPPENED LIKE THAT, REALLY.
RuPaul:
DIVORCED AND REMARRIED,
TAMMY WAS REJECTED BY CHRISTIAN BROADCASTING,
SO SHE TURNED TO SECULAR TELEVISION,
COURTING EVEN MORE CONTROVERSY
BY HOSTING A TALK SHOW WITH AN OPENLY GAY COHOST.
Both: ♪ WE'RE NOT WHAT YOU'D EXPECT ♪
♪ WE'RE A CRAZY, KOOKY DUET ♪
♪ WE'RE A RECIPE YOU COULDN'T BAKE UP ♪
♪ 3 TIMES THE LAUGHS ♪
♪ AND 10 TIMES THE MAKEUP ♪
I THINK GAY PEOPLE LIKE TAMMY BECAUSE
TAMMY LIKES GAY PEOPLE.
AND SHE'S ONE OF THE ONLY CHRISTIANS
IN THE WORLD WHO SEEMS TO THESE DAYS.
Singers: ♪ WAY ♪
♪ ON JIM J. AND TAMMY FAYE ♪
OH, HI, EVERYONE!
THAT'S YOUR MAKE-UP KIT?
THAT'S MY MAKE-UP.
CHOCOLATE? 
OF COURSE, SHE'S GOT CHOCOLATE,
POTATO CHIPS, A-- MY BRA?
!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY BRA?
It's too early and I got to get to school.
-No, it's a Sunday.
-It's a Sunday?
It's a Sunday?
Stay. 
Mom will make breakfast.
I have a schedule that you don't know about every Sunday.
Will you take care of him?
I'II call you later.
Don't be a stranger!
You like him?
Lady, come on.
Go away.
I' m not going to hurt you, lady.
Here, take it.
It's a nice thought but it's not what I want.
What are you doing?
I'm not going to hurt you!
Oh, my God. 
Listen to me.
Nothing's this important.
Come down here.
What are you doing?
What do you care anyway?
Because I owe somebody a favor.
Not me.
Why not you?
You know, a minute ago all I could think about was getting my next fix.
And then I saw you and I changed my thinking.
Oh, please. 
Go away.
T rust me. 
I'm not worth it.
Why is that?
-For God's sake.
-Come on, tell me.
Why are you not worth it?
T rust me. 
You wouldn't understand.
Are you kidding me?
You think I Iive at the Ritz?
Have a cup of coffee with me.
What?
Do me a favor.
Save my Iife.
Get him, get him! 
Off the ropes!
He missed him!
He's dead!
Come on, bleed, dude.
Give him a DDT.
-What?
-It's gonna be a DDT.
Drop him on his ass!
I'm worried about you.
That's the DDT.
-Hear me?
-He's dead!
-He's paralyzed, get out of the ring.
-You can't get out of the ring.
He can. 
He has to get a chair.
A chair?
slow motion.
T revor, when did you become so violent?
T ake me to a match. 
You get splattered in the front row.
I don't want to be splattered.
It'II be your birthday present to me.
You know what you're getting?
A new encyclopedia.
Leather bound.
Thucydides History of the Peloponnesian War.
No, I'm getting you 51 crackling volumes.
There'II be pop quizzes every day on the development of cotton farms.
Hi, Arlene.
You can't stay here, Ricky.
I know.
Look, I know what we had was a nightmare, Arlene.
-But I did it.
-You did what?
I knew I couldn't come back unless I was sober.
It's the truth.
Five months, two weeks and four days are the truth.
-Where you been?
-What does it matter?
I knew I had to change.
-Are you sober?
-Yeah, I got sober staying right here.
Well, you' re stronger than me.
Can you just stop for a minute?
please?
Can we just sit down and talk?
God.
I' m sorry.
What are you doing here?
-I want you to understand.
-No explanation required.
please don't talk to me like that.
We had 1 3 years in, Eugene. 
He's sober now. 
We've never been sober together.
I wish you luck.
I feel like I've got to give him a chance.
A chance? 
A chance for what?
T o change.
T o try to make up for lost time.
T o take T revor to ball games?
Do "daddy" things with him?
Yeah, he promised to try.
-What should I do?
-Be smart.
He's his father.
He impregnated you, Arlene.
In what other way has he been a father?
Unless knocking somebody around is a new family value.
What do you mean?
He never touched T revor.
Oh, that's right, only you.
He only took it out on you.
That's so much better.
What did T revor tell you?
Enough.
Secrets like that shouldn't be kept.
What good does it do T revor?
Ricky never meant to hit me.
We were drunk!
Christ!
What is it with women like you?
Is that something you tell yourself?
"It's okay he beat me. "
"T revor's okay. "
T revor locked himself in a bathroom and he can't breathe and he's praying that it will stop!
-T revor never went through that!
-You know what T revor went through?
How do you know?
How do you know the next time after you, he doesn't come for T revor?
I know what I'm talking about, Arlene.
My father got on his knees and begged my mother and my mother, she always took him back.
I never understood it.
She'd cover the bruises and the cuts and she'd take him back  because he begged and he cried.
Ask me what happened after he came back.
You wanted to know what happened to me!
Now ask me!
-I don't like this.
-" Did he hurt you? " Ask!
Did he hurt you?
Not for long.
By 1 3 I was gone. 
I ran away.
But I missed her, so I had to go back and see her.
So one night I did.
Ask what happened. "What happened that night you came back, Eugene? "
What happened?
He was there, drunk as usual.
Only this time, I wasn't the same.
I was 1 6 years old and I was no Ionger afraid of him.
And when I Iooked him in the eye and told him if he ever touched her again, I would kill him, he knew.
He knew that he would never exist for me again.
And I'm standing in front of the house.
I'm screaming for her to come out.
I'm telling her she doesn't have to take it anymore.
She doesn't.
She can come with me now.
I don't see it coming.
He hits my head with a two-by-four and I' m bleeding from my ear.
He's dragging me behind the house into the garage. 
Then he's gone.
A minute, five minutes, I don't know.
Then he's back and wetting me down.
And I don't understand.
I don't understand why water should smell so bad.
I don't understand. 
And then I see it.
I see this this gas can.
This red gas can from his truck.
And he looks at me one last time and he lights a match.
And the Iast thing I remember and I'II never forget it were his eyes.
His eyes, because they were filled with this immense satisfaction.
I' m so sorry.
Don't tell me how sorry you are for me!
T ell me how you'II stop it happening to T revor.
Ricky would never do that.
Oh, Jesus, Arlene. 
He doesn't have to.
AII he has to do is not love him.
What's going on?
What's going on?
I'II tell you what's going on.
-What are you doing?
-What's it look like?
You can't do this.
What are you putting in my room?
We had an agreement.
My son won't talk to me.
He won't look at me!
You turn him against me?
I told you I wasn't gonna make him talk to you.
You could get a job.
-What am I supposed to use for a car?
-T ake the bus.
That'II be the day.
-You can't stay in this room.
-This is our room.
This is our house, our bed.
-You've been drinking.
-IKiss me.
Stop it! 
Stop it!
I want you out of this house.
-What's your problem?
-I want you out.
T urn that down!
I'II come and pound your ass!
-Don't talk to him like that!
-Don't tell me how to talk!
Don't tell me how to talk to anybody.
I've had enough.
-Are you getting mad?
-What are you gonna do about it?
I liked you better when you had a few drinks in you.
You want me out of the house, I'm out!
Sorry.
I think I made a mistake.
Everybody makes mistakes.
AII right, bring them up.
Thank you. 
Carefully.
Thank you.
Careful. 
Did you get rid of your hiccups?
Told you holding your breath would work.
Thank you. 
Careful. 
Thank you.
Very nice.
Give me that one. 
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
T revor, what is it?
Are you still gonna pay it forward?
You could say you don't have to  because it didn't work out.
But I thought you still might.
T revor, I would Iike more than anything to do that for you.
-When I find something worthy-- 
-I know somebody who needs something.
-You have to let me find this-- 
-You know who it is.
Look you don't understand everything.
AII right?
So you do not know what you' re asking.
Give her another chance.
I will pay it forward.
I promise you that.
But I cannot do that.
But that's why this is the one.
Because it's supposed to be something hard.
If you help my mom, even if you're still mad, in a way nobody could-- 
-Did she ask you to talk to me?
-No, she thinks you won't forgive her.
But I still think you could.
If you wanted to do something huge for someone for my project.
For me.
She made her choice.
She said she made a mistake.
Well, that's the beauty of hindsight.
You don't care.
Yes, I do.
I will always care about you, always.
Yeah.
You' re my teacher.
They pay you to.
-You got it?
-Yeah.
I ain't saying a thing till I get one more.
You know, I thought you might feel that way.
No, no. 
Later.
I got my places.
places where nobody cares where you park overnight.
Places where I live.
Anybody who knows me knows where to find me.
Hi, Mom.
-What are you doing here?
-I wanted to see you.
-After three years, why now?
-I can't watch you do this.
I drive by your house.
I know.
-He's big.
-Yeah.
What are you doing here?
Are you gonna try to put me somewhere?
No.
Then what do you want?
I want to try to do something.
AII the things when I was a kid.
The booze and the men.
What happened to me when you weren't looking.
I know we' re all weak.
-No, not you.
-No, I've been weak.
Here's the thing.
I forgive you.
-I don't like your hair.
-I know. 
I' m not putting it back.
So I'd Iike to see you sometimes.
Is that okay?
Yes.
You can't live with me.
Who would want to?
Can I see him?
Not drunk.
You've got to be sober if just for two hours.
Yeah, I can do that.
Okay.
Then I'II come and find you.
Okay?
Yeah.
Okay.
Why'd you do this, Arley?
She told me why.
She told me I had to do something big for three other people.
Happy birthday dear Trevor
Happy birthday to you
And many more
What'd you wish for?
He can't tell you or it won't come true.
Can I have some napkins?
Here you go.
I'II get it.
Mom?
I' m Chris Chandler. 
I' m a reporter.
Could I have a moment of your time?
Why? 
I don't have anything to say about anything.
please. 
I've already spoken to your mother, which naturally led me to you.
-My mother?
-She told me about pay it forward.
How you helped her.
I'm doing a story.
You can't. 
That's private.
It upset my son. 
It was a social studies thing and it didn't work.
Social studies?
Leave it alone. 
He just wants to get on with seventh grade.
It's his birthday and it's a bad time.
-I'm sorry-- 
-No, I' m sorry.
I've been tracking this story from Los Angeles.
Pay it Forward, the movement, reached L.A.
-Come on. 
The movement?
-Yeah.
Your son had something to do with this?
I really appreciate this, Mrs. MclKinney.
It's up to him.
-Ready, slugger?
-I guess.
Here you go. 
Up here, please.
Just like you' re getting a haircut.
-You been interviewed before?
-No.
This is for you.
Hi. 
How are you?
-What's your name?
-Chris Chandler. 
Nice to meet you.
Less painful than the dentist.
Just be yourself, okay?
-Ready to go?
-I guess.
Come on, you got to have some gusto here.
AII right, Iet's go.
AII right, great.
Just be yourself. 
Relax.
It's gonna be a Iot of fun.
Okay, we' re on?
Hi, I'm Chris Chandler and I'm joined today by an unusual seventh grader T revor McKinney.
T revor, you must be pretty proud of yourself.
No.
So you' re not proud at all?
I don't know. 
I guess.
Come on, you start a movement like Pay it Forward. 
You' re not proud?
I guess. 
I mean, I got an "A" in social studies.
But that was just for the effort.
Stuff I did, it didn't work out.
-You' re here.
-Yeah, but--
I don't know. 
I tried real hard  but nothing really happened.
My mom's stuff worked.
She talked to my grandma.
IKind of made up with her.
It was really hard for her.
It was great for me, because my grandma came to my birthday party.
And I had really missed her.
And that's why Pay it Forward went to all those places  because of my mom.
Because she was so brave.
My stuff, I don't know. 
I think some people are too scared or something to think things can be different.
The world's not exactly shit.
I guess it's hard for some people who are used to things the way they are even if they' re bad to change.
And they kind of give up.
When they do, everybody--
They kind of lose.
Hi, Arlene.
I don't want to be one of those people he's talking about.
And I've become one.
I don't want to spend another second of wasted air.
please don't let me stay trapped in here forever.
I won't.
I don't want to spend another second without you.
See you around.
AII right, see you later, guys.
Let me go!
-Stop it!
-Who'd you tell?
-Who'd you tell, tattletale?
-I didn't tell anybody.
I didn't say anything.
Help!
Stop it! 
T revor!
Come here.
Let me go!
Cut it out! 
No!
Get out of my face!
Punch him! 
Come on!
No!
Leave him alone!
Someone get an ambulance!
I guess it's hard for some people who are used to things the way they are.
... even if they're bad  to change.
I guess they kind of give up and when they do  everybody kind of loses.
These moments make you sorry to report anything.
This remarkable young man died at 7: 35 this evening.
There are now confirmed incidents of Pay it Forward in L.A., San Francisco.
In Phoenix, we 're checking if the 16 foster children who received computers is connected to this movement.
It's hard.
You can 't plan it.
You have to watch people more.
Sort of keep an eye on them to protect them because they can 't always see what they need.
It's like your big chance to fix something that's not like your bike.
You can fix a person.
Is that what you want for your birthday, everybody to pay it forward?
I can 't ask for that.
-Sure you can. 
Why not?
- Wouldn 't work.
Why?
I already blew out my candles.

MARIA, HER SON'S DAUGHTER
No!
Have mercy on him!
Stop, I beg you!
My child!
My only child...have mercy on him!
I beg you!
Woman... this is your son
John... this is your mother
Lord, commander of the army, come and save your son!
Save him from this crime!
Sir, Iet him down!
Why doesn't your God come and save him now?
Maybe his angels... are afraid of the Roman soldiers
They're right to be afraid
ELI'
LEMMA SABACTANI!
Father, receive my spirit... into your hands
Mary!
Mary, hurry up... today's a big day
We must go to the temple with your father
Are you here to offer your child Mary... into the service of the Lord?
If the child walks up the temple steps... without turning round... your offering will be welcomed by God
Don't climb the steps ofJacob!
God will come down those steps
No one will go to heaven
God will come to us!
He will come to us!
My little... child
My sweet child. 
My child...
God's precious gift
Go now
Your gift has been welcomed
The Lord will glorify your name...
Mary
It's beautiful
silence
- Where are you going, Mary?
- I'm following in His footsteps
Get back to your place!
Mary's growing up
- She must leave the temple 
- She'II soon be a woman
Something must be done before she disrupts the whole temple
She can marry my son in exchange for a plot of land and a house
That's very generous, But Mary is my wife's kin... and I don't want her sold off like a wild beast
What do you propose to do?
She can take part in the stick ritual
Come closer
- Isn't he lovely 
- I'd rather marry the other one
I'd marry them all
Come here
What's your name?
Me? 
Joseph
Lay down your stick
Pick up your sticks
The man holding the stick when a sign comes from God... will be rewarded with the virgin of the temple
Mary, which one would you choose?
They all look the same to me
- Everyone says that...
- But when he's yours you cling on
Whose stick its that?
You're the only one left
It's yours
What are you waiting for? 
Pick it up
Rejoice, Joseph
You have been chosen by God
Go and fetch Mary
Joseph of the tribe of David... you have been chosen to take the virgin of the temple
I am much older than her
Why are you giving me this young girl?
Don't refuse what God has ommanded
I'm not but I'm just a carpenter
Look at my hands...
This is the Lord's will
Take her...
Keep her and protect her...
She will be your wife
You can marry in a year
What are you looking for?
A way of saying thank you
This is for you. 
I made it myself.
purple is a royal color
My friends always used to say...
"Your son will be a king!"
But now he will only be a carpenter
He will always be a king to me!
And to you too
CIopas!
Mary!
- This is Jacob 
- And who are you?
This is Mary, my future wife
This is CIopas, my brother and Mary his wife. 
And this is...
Simon
welcome to our home
Come in
We need workers, but you bring a child into the family
The priests entrusted her to me
- Take her back!
- I can't, she's a gift from God
Let Mary live with you until our wedding day
Don't you trust yourself?
I must respect her
If they find us they'II be angry...
I don't care
Where's your bracelet?
I don't know. 
It was here...it was supposed to bring me luck
It wasn't to bring you luck.
It was to remind you of me
Don't bother looking.
You've lost it
I'm sorry
You still take me for a child that's why you lost it
You did it on purpose!
You were only joking
You're unbearable... but I still love you
I Iove you too
- What's the rush?
- The job's urgent
- Where are you going?
- To Cesarea, to philip's place
- will you be away for long?
- When I get back we'II get married
- Don't forget me 
- I'II miss you
I'II miss you too
Let's go. 
We've got to be there before tonight!
Let's go
Look after yourself
- shalom, Mary. 
Enjoy yourself
Rejoice, Mary... you have been chosen by the Lord
The Lord is with you
Don't be afraid, Mary.
The Lord is with you
You will conceive a child and bear a son
He will be great and will be called the Son of God
God will give him David's throne... and he will rule for ever
Have you chosen me because I have never been with a man?
The holy Spirit will descend upon you
The Lord's shadow will descend upon you and give you strength
The child will be a saint
Even EIisabeth who everyone thought was sterile... has conceived a child even though she is past chiId-bearing age... and she is seven months pregnant
God is omnipotent
Lord... here I am
I am God's servant
If this is His will...
I will do as He wishes
blessed be the one who follows the way of the Lord
We'II be in jerusalem at dawn
Mary! 
Forgive me but I must speak with you
At this hour?
Rabbi Razin is going to jerusalem with the pilgrims
- So what?
- I want to go to jerusalem
Why?
- It's all so sudden 
- I must visit my cousin EIisabeth ...to see if she's expecting a child
What's the rush?
The men are away. 
What will Joseph say when he hears you have gone?
He will understand...
I want to make sure that what has just happened was not just a dream
What has happened?
I don't know... but I know I must go to her ...Let me go, please.
Rabbi Razin! 
I'm coming to jerusalem with you
You're welcome
elisabeth!
When I heard your voice the baby jumped for joy
It's true then. 
You're having a baby! 
An angel told me
bless you, you believed in the words of the Lord
I'II stay with you
What name have you chosen?
John
blessed is the Lord, the God of israel... who has given us this glorious gift
It's your child, my son... he will be called the prophet of the Lord almighty... because he will go forth to the Lord... to show them the way
I must speak with Joseph
I beg you. 
Go and get him
I'II wait here
We will be punished
The punishment for disobeying the Iaw of God is death!
- What's wrong?
- Everyone will soon know... and they'II throw us out
God's vengeance will strike us down!
will you tell me what's going on?
What have I done... to deserve this?
Nothing. 
You've always been so good to me
Who was it? 
Who did this crime?
No one, I swear it
Did they take advantage of your innocence to trick you?
Did they force you into it?
tell me the truth
No, you've got to believe me
If you're telling the truth, then you're not guilty
If you really love me don't ask me any questions
You must trust me
Why don't you want to tell me?
I should disown you
The law demands it
tell me if you think I should go
You know I Iove you, don't you?
I Iove you
What will happen to us?
I don't know
I don't know
Lord, I am confused
What must I do?
Maybe she is just too young
should never have said yes to the priests
I must disown her... but my heart won't let me
What should I do?
Why don't you take shelter from the rain?
Leave me in peace
You are not at peace
Don't be afraid of marrying Mary.
The child inside her... is from the holy Spirit
What do you mean?
She will bear a son and you will call him Jesus
He will save his people from their sins
I don't understand... 
I don't understand what you are saying
I'm only a poor carpenter!
You want her because your heart wants her
Mary loves you and always will
Show her you love her... and accept the Lord's will
Joseph, where are you going?
- To see Mary 
- Have you forgiven her?
She has done nothing wrong!
If you don't abide by the Iaw you are not a righteous man
I'm here
You believe me!
You can never forget me now
You're mine for ever
Listen everyone!
By decree of our Emperor Caesar Augustus!
A census will be made of all the people of palestine
Everyone must return to their home town to register
I won't let Mary go on such a Iong trip
But the decree says she must go
You must register your whole family in bethlehem
- She can't travel in her condition 
- The Romans don't care about that
I don't care what the Roman's think!
That way you'II just end up on the cross
I can do it if you're with me
I can't go any further
help me get down. 
I'm very tired
Can you make it over there?
- Let's go 
- Yes
- I can't go any further 
- We can't stay here
What can I do?
Don't fuss and everything will be alright
I'II go and fetch someone
Don't leave me alone
But I don't know what to do
I'II go and get someone.
I'II be back straightaway
What's happening to me?
Mary, are you alright?
Say something, please!
Isn't he lovely!
Are you alright?
I'm so happy
Come here
Look at him
Take him in your arms Give him your blessing
He's so small!
So small and so beautiful
I'm afraid I'II hurt him
You're his father.
You can't hurt him
You'II learn how to bring him up
I have some great news!
Today our Saviour has been born!
Our Saviour! 
He will be the King of Kings!
My sweet child, the love of my Iife
My little child, God's gift
My child, the joy of my Iife
gold to a king
Incense to his holiness
Myrrh to conquer death
glory to God in the highest... and peace on earth to all good men
glory to God in the highest
Don't go back to Herod
He's a villain
Our king was born today!
The King of Kings is born!
The King of the Jews is born!
Give him to me. 
My Lord...
let your humble servant go in peace and spread your word
He is our Saviour
He is the destruction and resurrection of many... it is a contradiction that will open up our heart's desires
Daughter ofJerusaIem...beware for a sword will pierce your soul
elisabeth, take your child and get out of here
Joseph, Mary, run!
Go far away!
King Herod!
Why have you come to defile this holy place?
- Afraid of losing your throne?
- I will not lose it!
Is it your son who wants to take over the kingdom of israel?
It's not his son
Where will I find this King of Kings?
tell me! 
Your life is in my hands!
My life is in the hands of God
Let's see if he'II save you now
That's what happens to the King's enemies!
Every child under the age of two... in the whole land shall be put to death!
It's a slaughter of the innocent!
Joseph, wake up
Take the child and his mother... and go to Egypt
To Egypt?
But I don't know anyone there
You will know God. 
Get up, Joseph
Get up
We've got to go. 
I've had a dream
We've got to go away.
We've go to go to Egypt
- What about EIisabeth?
- She can come with us
I'm staying here. 
I can't leave my husband
I'II go back to jerusalem
- shall we take John?
- No, he's coming with me
Look after yourself! 
May the Lord guard over us
If it is God's will, we'II see each other again. 
Take care
It'II be ready tomorrow
That's all for today
Is he sleeping?
Sometimes I wonder...
Who I am doing this for
When I'm looking after him, I often wonder...
"Who am I giving my milk to?"
And when I wash him, I ask myself...
"Whose child am I raising?"
Can it be that God is hidden in this child?
Forgive me
It's I who must ask for your forgiveness
I Iove you but I can't
I can only be a mother
It as though I've surrendered myself to my son
You understand, don't you?
Sometimes it seems far too complicated
If that's what you want...
Can you stand it?
I Iove you... and that's enough for me
Do you love another woman?
No
I Iove you. 
The only way I know how to prove it to you... is to love you Iike this
- Is he very sick?
- Yes
Is he in pain?
I think so
Can't we help him?
There's nothing more we can do
will they slaughter him tomorrow?
Don't even think about it
Go to bed
sleep...
Jesus!
- What are you doing?
- Nothing
- Is he better 
- I think so
Jesus did it
Don't be silly He did
- He cured him 
- But how did he do it?
I don't know but he's capable of it
But he's never been taught how
I know he is a remarkable child... but we must bring him up as a normal child
Even if he isn't?
He is normal to us! 
And that's how he must remain!
"There is only one God"
This statue is more beautiful!
The craftmanship is much better!
Come and buy the best figs in all of Egypt!
close the door!
What happened?
There is nothing left!
- It was him 
- I saw him
That's him. 
I recognise him.
follow him!
Your son is possessed of the devil
Get away from here!
He's only a child!
He does strange things and we don't want him here!
Take your child and wife and get out of this land... or we'II throw you out!
Get out!
What happened?
This isn't our country. 
We're not really wanted here...
Why do these people hate you?
tell me why?
How do I know what is right or wrong when my own father won't guide me?
- Aren't I a good father to you?
- You can't tell me what to do
Don't take it badly
A father has the right to punish his own son
But I'm not his father and he knows it
God entrusted you to look after him
Your son knows that too
Come inside, it's windy out there
I'm coming
What are you doing?
I'm counting the stars
But there are so many of them
I call them by their names
And what do they say?
"You are so small and so far away"...
They're right
No , They're wrong
My father loves the son of man more than they do
- always?
- Yes
Can't you see it?
They're falling
But the son of man can pick himself up if he faIIs
Are you Jews?
- Yes 
- Your king is dead
- Which king do you mean?
- Herod! 
But no one really cares
We can go home at last!
Let's go home!
Mary and Joseph are back!
Mother, come and see
I'm so happy you're back!
Is this Jesus?
It's wonderful to see you
Jacob, haven't you grown!
- You've had another child 
- He's called Judas
Look Joseph!
These are your cousins!
Let's go inside
Go and play
Don't go too far, we've got to go to jerusalem
Where's Jesus?
- Have you seen Jesus?
- He was with the other boys
- Was Jesus with you?
- He was but then he went off alone
- Have you seen Jesus?
- He was here but he's gone
You give that boy too much freedom
He's lost
He's a big boy now.
He'II come back
It'II be dark soon.
We've got to find him
Don't worry, he'II come back
I can't wait It's nearly night. 
It's dangerous
exactly, we haven't got much time
Jesus, where are you?
He can't have just disappeared
Have you seen a twelve year-oId boy wearing a white tunic?
Have you seen a boy... in a white tunic?
Where did you learn such things?
How is it you know about the Spirit hidden in the Scriptures?
Everything can be revealed
God never told us to look for him in an arid land... but in the Spirit and in the truth
ou can't go in there
We've been looking for you everywhere
You can't do this to us
Why were you looking for me?
Don't you know that I must follow my father's will?
What's the matter?
Are you tired? 
We'II be home soon
- Aren't you tired?
- No
I'm worried about him
At his age I was playing at doctors
I hope his greater wisdom doesn't make others jealous
There's nothing we can do about it.
We'II have to be careful
Is this what's making you ill?
I had a wife but she wasn't my wife
I had a son but he wasn't my son
You must eat something
You can't just give up.
You must fight it
What's the point? 
Jesus will follow his destiny
And who will think of me?
From the moment I saw you, I've done nothing but think of you
That's why you mustn't leave me
He has you, he is your son... and he will be your companion and your friend
But I need you
I need your loyalty and your love
You will always have those
believe me, I've never regretted a thing
I would do everything again that the Lord has given me
Take it off, I beg you...
please...
Take it off
Now it's your turn to think of me
Jesus...
Joseph is dying
Is that you?
It's getting dark, isn't it?
No, it's still light
So this is death, is it?
Death and its demons
I'm afraid
I can't breathe
I beg you, don't let them take me away
I'm so afraid
Father of Iife, listen to me
I beg you in name of your servant Joseph, don't let him die
Don't lead him into the dark... take away his fear
unleash him from this great web of lies... grant him death!
Forgive me
It doesn't matter
Don't cry... it's you who must forgive me
Do you remember that time I hit you?
I couldn't come to terms with the mystery of your birth
But I understand it now
Ask your Father for forgiveness
He's your Father too and he's holding you now... because you have been a good man
I am guilty of so many sins.
Ask for his forgiveness
Thank you
I'm not frightened anymore
I Iove you father
Say it again
I Iove you No, the other thing...
Father!
Jesus, have something to eat
What I eat you could never give me because I must do my father's will
How can you do it if you don't eat?
John says the Messiah's coming
I'm your mother. 
I need to know who my son is
I sometimes think I'm an ordinary man and then I have a dream
I was with God when he created the universe, the stars and the sea
Then he blew into the earth and said: "This is man"
I Iooked at the man's face and he was sad
"This is you", he said
"For better or for worse... "
"it's your face"
What will happen when the governors hear you speaking like that?
I don't know. 
AII I know is that I must serve Him
Go home, Mother
Go...
Where are you going?
I mst go amongst the people and you must wait with all the other women... who once were children and now are mothers
I baptise you and the person to follow will gain strength from it
I baptise you in the name of the holy Spirit
Ask forgiveness for your sins and repent
May God have mercy on you
John...
Baptise me
It should be you who baptises me
We're right to do God's will to the very end
This is the Iamb of God
He will free the world of its sins
Mother!
This is John
Who are the others?
This is Andrea
John the son of Zebede
This is Simon Peter
Why are they here?
I was with John and I asked him, "Master, where do you live?"
He replied: "follow me and you'II see", so here I am!
I was fixing the nets and he said, "I'II make you a fisherman of men"
I don't understand but I'II no doubt find out
You're all welcome and I'm happy you are my son's friends!
Go in
I'II get you all something to eat
I apologise for bringing them all here
Don't worry, I Iike company
I hear you've met John. 
What will happen now?
He did what he had to do.
Now it's my turn
That's why your friends are here?
God needs them to silence the wise men and kings
They're right...
You sound like a teacher
This is for you
welcome to my home
- There's some more. 
Do you Iike it?
- It's very tasty
John...
Come in
What are all these beggars doing here?
- They are Jesus' friends 
- What are they doing here?
We can't feed them if they don't work
They are his guests
And we are his family
Our cousin NataeIe is getting married... in a few days time and we have... a thousands things to prepare
Don't worry, everything will be ready in time
- Give me some more wine 
- There isn't any left
It's finished
There's no more wine
Simon Peter, there's no more wine
The party is over if there's no wine
I'm not ready yet
Do what he says
fill the jars with water
Now fill up the jugs and go serve our master
It's usual to serve up... the best wine first and when the guests are a little drunk... you fill up the jugs with the poorer wine
But you have saved the best wine for the Iast
He turned the water into wine!
It's true!
He turned the water into wine
It's a miracle!
Jesus...
- Is it my fault?
- What are you talking about?
You have begun your journey and I pushed you into it
It was bound to happen
You taught me how to walk as a child. 
That's how it should be just like in the old days...
Take me with you
Take me with you wherever you go
You will always be with me... but not in the way you want
The Spirit of the Lord has sent me to... declare to the poor the good news that... all prisoners will be freed... and the blind will see again
and the oppressed will go free... and to proclaim a year of grace
It is my duty to proclaim the prophecy
He is only the son ofJoseph the carpenter
His mother and brothers are here
He doesn't know what he's saying
He's a fanatic
He's not a fanatic...he's a blasphemer!
No one can be a prophet in his own land
He's not a prophet
Prophets don't come from GaIiIee
Imposter!
Get out! 
Go back to your Iathes and nails
Get out!
Get out of here!
Stop it!
Let's go
Try and sleep. 
You're very tired
Don't worry, I'm fine
Have you heard... from Jesus?
Why doesn't he think of his mother?
I don't need much
I don't need much to live on
You should have been stricter then he'd have respected you more
I don't need respect
I just want his love
Find some peace of mind
Find it
Don't let envy eat into your soul
- He's cured a leper 
- He made a blind man see again
How did he do it?
Everyone's joining him
They're just gullible
John the Baptist has been arrested
Why?
Herod Antipa has married his brother's wife... and John has publicly denounced it
John's right. 
It's incest
But they've imprisoned him
I must go straightaway
- It's very dangerous 
- I've known him from a child
His mother is like a sister to me
You can't go alone.
Judas will go with you
He will do what his father didn't
Herod Antipas... will kill my son
We'II go and talk to him
We'II ask for his forgiveness
He can't refuse a mother's grief
It's not him. 
It's his wife Herodiade who wants him dead
There's nothing we can do. 
Let's go
Mary...
- Any news?
- Nothing
We're not leaving until the queen agrees to talk to us
Look at you!
I'II get you some dry clothes and a hot drink
We don't need them
We've come to talk to you about John the Baptist
You could save him
Why should I? 
He has mocked me in front of my people
I'II be generous
I'II cut off his tongue
Do it and the stones will talk!
I'II cut off his head
I hope I don't get lines like these?
Go now
I bit of prison will do him good
Then I'II send him home
SaIome, you're beautiful
Dance the way I taught you
Seduce the king!
We'II get what we want
tell me what you want
No! 
They've killed him!
Herodiade lied
Stay here. 
I'II go and see
No, I'm coming with you
Don't look
It's getting late. 
We must stop.
There's an inn near here
- I don't believe you 
- I saw him!
The child was dead and Jesus of Nazareth... said to her: "My child, get up"
And she sat up
If he were a prophet, he wouldn't allow those women to follow him and he wouldn't drink and eat with prostitutes and sinners
He's an imposter. 
He's defiling the name of God
The Sadducees are right. 
He's dangerous
You're wrong
He's risking his life for you but all you do is ridicule him
John didn't eat or drink... and you never once tried to save him
Then my son came who eats and drinks just like you... and you say he's a friend of whores and sinners
You're his mother, aren't you?
Didn't he teach you never to interrupt when men are speaking?
Women must defend the truth, just like everyone else
If your son performs miracles, why didn't he... give back John his head?
The Scribes and Pharisees will teach him to respect the Iaw
They'II cut off his head too!
Get a move on
Mother
- How did you know I was here?
- They told me
Sit down
What does it all mean?
You'II understand one day
I want to know now
He who feeds off my body is a part of me
I don't understand...
I've seen EIisabeth's suffering...
I can still hear her desperate cries
Be careful, you and John share... the same destiny
Come back to Nazareth
What has happened to your faith?
You're behaving like a lover... not Iike a woman who has opened her arms to the Lord
Fear is destroying you
Don't tempt His will
The heads of state are angry with your son
He has offended the Sudducees who collaborate with the Romans
I've spoken to him but it's hopeless ...I can't do anything about it
The Scriptures say that a mother must advise her sons
God has asked you to do it
He won't listen to my advice
He's in danger
We've got to help him
I can't change his destiny
Wait your turn. 
You'II get to see him too
You can go with her
Peter...
His mother is here and she wants to talk to him
I'II go and tell him
Master... your mother and brothers want to talk to you
Who is my mother?
Who are my brothers?
This is my mother and these are my brothers
Whoever listens and follows the word of God... is my brother, sister and mother
I beg you...speak to me
I need to speak to you
You once said to me...
"Be happy, Mary"
What have I got to be happy about?
I'm not his mother anymore
I am nothing
But he is still my son
I'm afraid for him
I beg you...
Take care of my son
Protect him, I beg you...
Hosanna to Jesus of Nazareth!
- Jesus has arrived 
- He has divided the bread and fish and has fed thousands
Where is he?
He's going to the synagogue...
- Aren't you coming too?
- Go without me
Go and listen to your son
You've a bad fever.
I won't leave you alone
If you ask him, maybe he'II cure you
He doesn't listen to me anymore
That's not true
He loves you and he always has done
I beg you. 
Go and see your son
He'II listen to you
Are they saying that you are... the Messiah?
You don't believe me
- Why should we?
- It's written in the Scriptures
How do you know the Scriptures without ever studying them?
It is not my doctrine but His who has sent me here
Didn't He write: "Honour they father and thy mother?"
You have never honoured your father, mother or your brothers
He who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me
And he who loves his son more than me is not worthy of me
That is blasphemy. 
You are possessed of the devil!
You are the son of BeIzebù!
You are a blasphemer!
No...
let him go
Let's see what happens
I remember those honey cakes... you made when I was a child
Why don't you get up and make me some now?
Get up
I'II make you some
I'II make you some straightaway
- Why did you do it?
- Don't ask me why
I've insulted you... but you healed my mother?
!
What should I have done?
should I only heal those I Iove?
Go to sleep. 
You've been studying the Scriptures for days
I must understand
What?
The Scriptures speak of Him
Do you think he is the Messiah?
Jesus says we must live God's word
-should I follow him?
-Yes... but all of us are afraid
You too?
I'm afraid and I'm his mother... because I don't know God's will
I took him to the temple when he was a child... and a prophet said to me...
"A sword will pierce your heart"
I'II never forget it
The pain is slowly killing me
I know it concerned my son
Why are you hiding?
You're his mother. 
Your place is by his side
Who are you?
We share the same name.
I'm Mary... but my Iife has been very different from yours
Men wanted to kill me... for loving them too much
Your son saved me
- How?
- He took my hand... and smiled at me sweetly
No man ever did that to me before
Let's go and join him
My son doesn't want me
- You're his mother 
- That's why
I miss him so much
He'II always be with you
You must be proud of your son
You carried him in your womb
You are his mother and the most important woman in the world
You love him, don't you?
More than myself
Stay close to him... and love him for me
Peace be with you
Stop
please, stop
shalom, elisabeth
I recognise your voice... but I can't see you anymore
Be careful...
jerusalem kills your sons
He was arrested...
last night in the olive grove
One of his followers betrayed him
He's been sold to Sinedrio for thirty dinar
It can't be true! 
They followed to him and loved him... and then they sell him for next to nothing
Where is he now?
He's being held at the residence of the governor Caifa
Stay here, it's dangerous
That's him! 
The one who says he's the Son of God!
He has blasphemed. 
kill him!
He's a blasphemer.
kill the galilean!
Take him away
kill him!
What are they doing? 
Where are they taking him?
- To pilot, the Roman governor 
- Let's join them
- What are you going to do?
- I want to speak with pilot's wife
You can't...
I've seen you somewhere
I dreamt last night of a woman crying
I didn't know who it was...but it was you
What did she say?
She told me to keep away from the prisoner
They say he is the King of the Jews
He's my son
What's he done?
He spoke of love and justice
So why do they want to kill him?
It's hard to accept such ideas
It's even harder to accept that God... is hidden inside a man's body
I carried him in my womb
I breastfed him, I brought him up ...I Ioved him
I lived for him and no one else
I beg you...save my son
I'II see what I can do
Do you believe her?
She'II do what she can
I'm sure of it
I beg you...stay out of it
This government believes that... he has blasphemed against the God of the Jews
We carry out their justice, not our own
You brought this man to me... and you say he's guilty of very serious crimes
but I've listened to you... and I don't think his crimes warrant death
I will have him whipped and then I'II let him go
kill him!
Stop!
Tie him up
tell me who you are and I'II free you
I cannot alter what is written
Who are you?
These people want you dead.
Who are you?
The truth
What is the truth?
This is the man!
Long live the King of the Jews!
Yesterday they idoIised him and today they want to kill him
And tomorrow they'II love him again
There's nothing more I can do
Stand back!
Save yourself, Jesus!
Don't leave us
Don't leave us. 
Save yourself!
My darling child...
My child
My only love...no!
Don't cry, mother
Let me go!
No!
...
My child
My son
This great... gift of God
What have they done to you?
Mother...
We must bury him
You'II always be with us
Don't cry
Come away
He won't suffer anymore
It's the living who suffer
shalom, Mary
Be happy
What have I to be happy about?
My son is dead
Woman, do not cry
Woman...
My son used to call me that
It's you, isn't it?
I know it's you
It's you, isn't it?
I know it's you
My child...
Mother, get up
I haven't yet gone to my Father
And your Father
My God and yours
Take me with you
Not yet. 
You are still a mother
As a child you said to us...
"God is smiling...we can smile with Him"
He was here
It was him! 
I saw him! 
He's alive
Did you hear him?
It was Jesus!
I didn't hear anything
I saw him
It was him. 
He's alive
He's alive
He is dead just like my son
He has been resuscitated
Jesus came. 
He's alive!
No one will believe you
The doors were locked but he came inside... and said: "Peace be with you." He showed us his hands and chest
It was him!
It was really him!
- He's been resuscitated 
- We saw him on the road to Emmaus
- He walked with us 
- I didn't recognise him
I only realised it was him when he broke the bread
He's alive!
I saw him walk down the temple steps
He held the hand of a little child
My mother... had a vision before she died
Are you that child?
I understand now what she meant
He always held my hand... just like that. 
I am his child!
Now I understand!
Get rid of those people
They are Jesus' friends
What friends? 
They betrayed him... deserted him and now they are celebrating
- Throw them out 
- They are happy because he is alive
Do you believe them?
It's the truth!
My son... what did he do wrong?
Go away
Get out of here. 
Get out!
God has shown me no pity
Leave me alone
Everything that is mine is yours.
This is your house
I only need a bed
There are many olives in the garden
Thank you, Lord
elisabeth is right. 
We betrayed and deserted your son
What can I do about it? 
should I reject you?
You must forgive
He wouldn't have come back if he hadn't forgiven us
Don't be afraid
He is the Son of God but he is also the son of man
He knows our weaknesses and our fears
Don't be afraid
He will always be with us.
He'II never forsake us
- How are you?
- I cannot breathe
Let me die in peace
You are not at peace
Who will give me peace?
Your son?
- Where is he now?
- He's gone back to his Father
And he has left you alone
No, he lives within me... and with you
You are lucky
You are like a child
You're just fooling yourself to cut out the pain
John...
I haven't seen him
You will see him
When you enter the kingdom of Heaven, my son will meet you... and your son will be with him
Leave me alone
won't let you die like this
What are you doing?
I don't know
I don't know... but this water will cleanse you...
It is the same water that brought our sons together
I can see him
What can you see?
A smile
The smile of God
Throw the ball to me!
Throw it!
Carry on playing
Throw it to me!
What's the matter?
- It's nothing 
- Why did you stop?
You're stronger than me
Keep on playing
This is for you
Thank you
It's lovely
- Where did you find it?
- A man over there gave it to me
You've played enough. 
Go home
Go on
Fetch my family and friends... and tell them, "Mary of Nazareth needs you"
My son, my Lord... don't leave me alone now
I was in Rome with paul and suddenly a great mist fell upon us
When it lifted, we found ourselves here
There was a storm and we couldn't see a thing
I was blinded by lightning and I found myself at this door
- Here's Mary 
- It's lovely to see you!
Thomas...
We're all here
Did it magically happen to you too?
I'm so happy to see you again
I thank the Lord for making me so happy
He has brought my children home
Let's go outside
Let's go
Mother
You've come!
My child
My son... and my creator
I couldn't leave you
I am only a mother...
Who continued to love God without ever understanding why
Today you will go to paradise
I am not worthy of it... because I Iove my son more than...
I Ioved God
It's the same thing
It's the same thing
Who shall I give this to?
It's yours
You are the mother of the twelve branches
The mother of my Church
To look at you is to look on me

He's got temporal...
delirium.
Trauma Team 4 to Level Red.
Trauma Team 4 to Level Red.
Reconnect to stations...
Code 4 Nursing Unit, report to Level Red.
He does have a sensor.
It's not working.
Negative for dysplasia, viremia, necrobiosis.
Please extend your arms.
Species: 
Dralian.
Identity: 
Gar.
T.C. 15. 
You may proceed.
Chellick.
Lucky I caught you.
Mr. Gar, I wish I had time to talk.
Well, all you have to do is listen.
I have a new supply of cytogenics.
Your last supply was useless.
Expired lots, diluted samples.
Oh, I have something special this time.
The latest in substandard technology, no doubt.
Oh, this item is far from substandard.
And as a gesture of goodwill, I'm offering it to you first.
We don't need another neural monitor.
Mm, this is much more sophisticated than that.
I'm sure it has some ingenious use, but I'm not interested.
Please state the nature... of the medical emergency?
Where have you taken me?
It's a holographic construct, programmed with over five million medical protocols.
I demand to be returned to Voyager at once.
What's Voyager?
.
The Federation starship to which I'm assigned.
This man is a kidnapper.
I would never offer you stolen property.
I traded warp-grade dilithium for this program.
What's your price?
This negotiation is pointless.
I'm not about to perform medical services for a pair of common thieves.
It doesn't seem to be in working order.
Trauma victims are now arriving at Emergency intake 7.
What caused their injuries?
A generator explosion at the Gammadan Mining Facility.
You better start cooperating, or I will dismantle your program and sell it off one subroutine at a time.
When Captain Janeway discovers what you've done...
Come on.
Let's go, clear a path.
We're gonna lose this guy.
Come on.
Here we go.
All right, tuck him in there.
I can't find any coagulant.
Somebody check the reserves.
There are no reserves.
Oh, this one's got grade-4 pulmonary burns.
Patient's T.C. is 4.
Transfer to Level Green.
Level Green isn't equipped for this.
His T.C.'s only 4.
Take him to Green.
Don't touch that.
This patient's bleeding seriously.
He needs an immediate infusion.
What are you doing?
Get away from him.
With technology this primitive, you may as well be using leeches.
Who is this man?
A doctor, of sorts.
I thought you were withholding your services.
Fortunately for these patients, I am programmed with the Hippocratic oath.
It requires me to treat anyone who's ill.
This patient needs 20 milligrams anesthezine.
Get me a hypospray.
A what?
I'm sorry, this may hurt a little.
Did you have to program that Nausicaan guard to high stick so much?
Well, you play hockey, you've got to expect a few lumps.
What are we gonna tell the Doctor?
Hmm.
You know how he feels about our juvenile holoprograms.
Relax.
I'll come up with something.
Hey, Doc.
Please state the nature of the medical emergency.
I know what you're thinking, but there's a simple explanation.
Tell him, Tom.
Right. 
Well, um, see, Doc, we were running these invasion scenarios when this species of proto-humanoid...
Please state the nature of the medical emergency.
Are you okay, Doc?
Please take an analgesic and return in 24 hours.
It's a replicated fake.
The program running in Sick Bay is from one of Doc's old training files.
I want someone to tell me how this snake oil salesman managed to evade every security protocol on the ship.
I take full responsibility.
I'm not interested in fault.
I just want to know how it happened.
Um, Gar spent the night in Sick Bay.
He claimed to have gotten food poisoning at dinner.
He had plenty of time to learn about the mobile emitter from the Doctor.
Who I'm sure was more than willing to extol its virtues.
Medical logs show the training file was activated just before
Gar left Voyager.
Scan for his ion trail, and let's review safeguards for accessing low-security files, shall we, Mr. Tuvok?
Captain, don't blame Tuvok for what happened.
It was my fault.
How so?
Gar kept complaining how bland his dinner was, so I added a few exotic spices.
I'm not sure I see your point.
l-l was trying so hard to create something he liked that I didn't take his alien physiology into account.
Everyone's assuming he faked his illness, but I might have really made him sick.
It's not as if your cooking turned him into a thief.
No, but if he hadn't gone to Sick Bay, he may never have come up with a plan to kidnap the Doctor, much less have the opportunity to do it.
In my experience, Neelix, men like Gar have no trouble finding opportunities to take advantage of other people.
Well, I just hope there's something I can do to help find the Doctor.
Well, when and if that opportunity arises, I'm sure you'll make the most of it.
That was the most impressive cortical bypass I've ever seen.
It's just a question of possessing the basic skills.
Ah, if I had basic skills like yours, they'd move me up to Level Blue.
Take this patient to Yellow.
You seem a little low on resources here.
If I could contact my medical staff, I might be able to get you some additional supplies.
Uh, communication is usually restricted, but the Allocator might give you clearance.
Good. 
Where can I find him?
Uh, the Allocator isn't a him.
It's our main computer.
Well...
Perhaps it could establish a communications link with Voyager's main computer.
You'll have to submit a formal request to Chellick and support it with Form 83-W in triplicate.
Even then...
Why hasn't this patient been treated yet?
He's waiting for proton imaging.
There are a lot of other people ahead of him.
It's nice to see someone knows what's going on.
What's your name?
Tebbis.
Well, Tebbis, this doesn't look too serious.
Uh, it's just a little osteal extravasation.
Excellent diagnosis.
I hope to be a doctor someday.
Really? 
Well, I hope your working conditions are better than these.
It wouldn't be so bad if they'd let us listen to music.
It would certainly improve my mood.
It's not just that, but music has great healing power.
I couldn't agree with you more.
Uh, exhale slowly.
Can't you give him a neural blocker?
He's already had his allocation.
The leg injury isn't all I'm picking up.
He's got some kind of systemic disease.
It's a chromo-viral infection.
We have 12 cases down here.
He's in the final stage.
is there an established treatment?
Cytoglobin injections.
These scans don't show any cytoglobin in his bloodstream.
He hasn't been given any.
Why not?
He doesn't have a high enough T.C.
"T.C."? 
What's that?
Ah, there you are.
I'm happy to report that I've acquired your program from Gar.
Please come with me.
I will not.
May I remind you I'm being illegally detained?
Or hasn't the rule of law reached this society yet?
We follow the Allocator's rules, and it's determined that your services are required on Level Blue.
Eh, please, Doctor, the Allocator knows which patients need help the most.
Level Blue is your critical care area, I presume.
Level Blue is the area where it's most critical that we provide excellent care.
These patients will be your chief responsibility from now on.
Do whatever you can to make them well.
Why are these patients getting preferential treatment?
They have a higher T.C. than the others.
Indulge me.
What's T.C.?
Treatment Coefficient.
The Allocator assigns one to every patient.
It determines the level of care they receive.
How is this coefficient derived?
Through a complex formula that involves profession, skills, accomplishments...
How is any of that relevant to medical treatment?
An agricultural engineer is obviously more important than a waste processor.
Important to whom?
Society.
When your resources are limited, you have to prioritize.
So you base treatment on whether patients have particular abilities?
It's much more complicated than that.
The Allocator assesses the entire individual.
And reduces his life to a number.
It may seem impersonal, but it's what the Dinaali have contracted us to do.
Chellick's people are known throughout the sector for their administrative skills.
Before they came here, we were a dying race.
Eco-disasters, famine...
Dr. Dysek, Chief of Medicine.
The medical hologram I told you about.
Are you in charge of what passes for care on Level Red?
Because those people are suffering.
lntriguing technology.
Can we use him to treat patients yet?
That's what he's here for.
In some societies, it's considered rude to refer to someone in the third person while he's standing in front of you.
I'm sure you'll make good use of him.
The warp trail ends here.
Gar should be directly ahead.
All stop.
Red Alert.
On screen.
It's emitting a false warp signature.
Looks like we've underestimated Mr. Gar again.
Now what?
There may be another way to find him.
What do you have in mind?
He traded us high-grade iridium, which has a very brief half-life.
His ship is slow.
Logic suggests he acquired the substance within a radius of three light-years.
Cross-reference our sensor logs and long-range scans.
Two planets, no atmosphere or technology a T-class nebula...
Here's something.
An asteroid with approximately 200 humanoid life signs, subterranean structures.
Sounds like a mining operation.
If that's where Mr. Gar acquired the iridium, they may be able to help us find him.
Tom, how fast can you get us there?
Less than two hours.
Do it.
We're being hailed.
Open a channel.
I want my iridium back now.
I beg your pardon?
I've scanned your ship.
I know you've got it on board.
Yes, we obtained it from a man called Gar, a merchant...
You mean thief.
So, you have had the pleasure of meeting him.
He was here two days ago.
He sold us 3,000 induction units.
He was gone a day before we realized he'd also stolen 20 kilos of ore.
We had a similar experience.
Maybe we can help each other.
How?
Do you have any idea where we might find him?
Will you return my iridium?
By all means, but Gar only traded us half of what he stole from you.
However, we might be able to get the rest of it back.
All I can tell you is that the induction units came from a planetoid called Velos.
You may go.
Your surgical technique is impressive.
Well, you've obviously had experience with cellular repair.
As a matter of fact, I've done extensive research on the subject.
I'd be happy to share it with you, but we'll have to contact Voyager to get it.
You'll have to discuss that with Chellick.
He authorizes all communications.
It's time for this patient's next injection.
Requesting one cytoglobin injection for patient B-3, priority Blue-7 gamma.
One cytoglobin injection authorized.
Does this patient have a chromo-viral infection?
No. 
Why?
I was told cytoglobin is the standard treatment for that disease.
Cytoglobin also prevents arterial aging.
Will that be all?
You may go.
This patient's arteries appear to be healthy.
At the moment, but daily injections increase life expectancy up to 40 percent.
We prescribe them for all Level Blue patients.
I just saw a boy on Level Red who's dying.
This medicine could save his life.
This woman is a Chief Engineer of an irrigation facility which provides water to half the subcontinent.
So her life is more valuable?
Keeping her healthy contributes to our survival.
Can you say the same for the boy on Level Red?
Who knows what he'll accomplish if he has the chance.
If he becomes more valuable to society, his T.C. will rise, and then he'll receive better treatment.
He may not be around long enough.
I'm sorry he's sick, but our society is much better off since we began following the Allocator's protocols.
Some of you are.
I never expected to see you again.
Why do you say that?
Level Blue is much more prestigious.
Prestige is the least of my concerns.
How is he?
Not well.
His condition's deteriorated so rapidly.
His coenzyme allotment's been reduced.
Are we here to help these people or kill them?
His T.C. is just too low.
Maybe we can raise it.
That's not possible.
If it's purely a function of statistics, we can simply input more data.
We're not authorized to do th...
Voje.
When you look at your patient lying there, you have to ask yourself:
What can I do?
What must I do?
We can amend his database to include additional skills.
Such as?
His extensive knowledge of neutronics.
He doesn't know anything about neutronics.
We can say he does.
What's the harm in trying?
Amend patient R-12's T.C.
to include an expertise in neutronics.
Unable to verify.
Amendment denied.
You see?
Hello.
Lie still.
What are you doing?
Trying to get you the proper medication.
You're wasting time you could be spending with other patients.
You have as much right to treatment as anyone.
It's not your fault.
There's nothing you can do.
Nurse.
Yes, Doctor?
Why hasn't this patient received her additional cytoglobin injection?
Additional?
If you'd examine her chart, you'd see that I've increased her dosage.
Dr. Dysek didn't say anything...
Dr. Dysek is at home with his family.
Would you like me to contact him so you can explain why you're not doing your job?
No, Doctor.
Requesting one cytoglobin injection for patient B-3, priority Blue-7 gamma.
One cytoglobin injection authorized.
I'll do it myself.
Can I assist you?
You may go.
He convinced me to let him take the induction units on consignment.
That was more than ten days ago.
I haven't heard from him since.
You appear to be an experienced merchant, Mr. Kipp.
Why would you trust someone like Gar?
He came highly recommended.
By whom?
A buyer l know.
He said he's been trading with Gar for years.
Do you know where we can find this buyer?
Yes, Captain.
I am the fool who said that Gar could be trusted.
Sounds like you've changed your mind.
I should have known it was a mistake, but...
Well... you see, I have never been able to say no to my wife.
What does she have to do with it?
Well, she's the one who asked me to recommend Gar.
Then she must know him well.
They're... friends.
May we speak with her?
She's, uh...
Well, she's not here.
Do you know where we might find her?
She left me.
You're a woman.
You saw my husband with your own eyes-- overweight, depressed.
You would have left him, too, especially if you had met someone as exciting as Gar.
Yes, he's very exciting.
That's why you're looking for him, isn't it?
You want him for yourself.
I assure you, I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever.
Why? 
Not good enough for you?
No, it's not that.
It's just that... I already have a man.
We have a business opportunity for Mr. Gar-- one that will expire if we don't find him soon.
He's on his way to the gambling tournament on Selek iv.
When you see him, tell him to hurry home.
How are you feeling?
Better.
That's what happens when you get the proper treatment.
But I'm not authorized to receive cytoglobin.
You are now.
You'll need several more injections, but you can expect a complete recovery.
Whatever you did, they'll find out.
They'll punish you.
You're assuming I've done something illicit.
Didn't you?
Of course not.
I simply had a talk with Chellick, explained to him what a bright young man you are, and he had the Allocator recalculate your T.C.
I've never met a doctor like you.
Well... it's not hard to stand out when the general level of competence is so low.
There are patients on this level who deserve a higher T.C. than I do.
Could you talk to Chellick about them?
Thank you.
Ah, Voje.
You're not busy, are you?
Well, actually, I was just...
Good. I want you to help me dispense these injections.
Where did you get the cytoglobin?
Level Blue. 
Where else?
You stole it?
I'd prefer to think of it as "reallocation."
We're going to treat every chromo-virus patient on this level.
Do you have any idea what kind of trouble we could get into?
"We?" Then you will help me.
Uh, no! 
Absolutely not!
Modifying data files was bad enough.
Well, I certainly wouldn't want you to do anything to compromise your ethics.
I'll help you.
You should be in bed.
Actually, now that he's improving, a little activity will do him good.
You can go back to doing...
whatever you were doing.
The best place to inject him is here in the lateral artery.
Excellent work.
It's nice to see someone in this hospital has a future as a healer.
If we each take a third of the patients, maybe we can finish before someone catches us.
Who do you think you are, prescribing unnecessary medications for my patients?
It wasn't unnecessary.
If you believe that, you're incompetent, or perhaps malfunctioning.
I was simply trying to increase our allocation of resources.
What are you talking about?
I did some checking.
Last month, Level Blue's total medication requests were down by 6 percent.
Because our cure rate was higher.
Exactly.
Because you performed so efficiently last month, the Allocator will determine you're able to do with less next month.
If we don't order more medication now, we may not get it...
when we need it.
Think about it, Doctor.
If you don't have the proper resources, your cure rate could go down.
If that happens... the Allocator may assign you to a lower level.
Mm-hmm.
Are we having a problem with our newest piece of technology?
Actually he seems to be learning the system... quite well.
Oh. 
Three of the patients we injected are practically virus-free.
What did you expect?
Um, maybe we could "reallocate" other medications, treat more patients.
Now you're thinking like a doctor.
And to support your efforts, I've arranged for resources from Level Blue to be diverted here on a regular basis.
How did you manage that?
Let's just say,
Dr. Dysek and I have developed a professional rapport.
Sometimes I even surprise myself.
We may actually make these people better.
That feeling you get from healing someone... infectious, isn't it?
Where did you get that?
One of the technicians was going to recycle it because it wasn't working, but I think I fixed it.
Seems to be in good condition.
And so do you.
You'll be well enough to leave soon.
Couldn't you say I'm still sick?
Don't you want to go home?
If I do, they'll send me to work in the refinery with my father.
What about school?
Your medical training?
I would never be authorized for that.
He's right.
If I stay here, you can teach me, and I can help you treat your patients.
I'm not planning on being here that long myself.
Then I can help Dr. Voje.
We'll see what we can do.
I have picked up Gar's ship, directly ahead.
Again?
I'm reading his bio-signs.
Any sign of the Doctor or his emitter?
Not yet.
Should I hail Gar?
If we let him know we're here, he may try to slip away.
We could drop out of warp at close range and grab him before he knows what's happening.
I like it.
Tom...
Tuvok.
He's hailing.
I guess we put him in the mood to talk.
On screen.
I thought we were friends, Captain.
Why am I being treated this way?
I think I deserve better.
Where's our Doctor?
I have no idea.
I certainly hope nothing's happened to him.
Scans are complete.
Neither the mobile emitter nor the Doctor's program are aboard
Gar's ship.
Well, of course they're not.
He's trying to destabilize the tractor beam with a feedback pulse.
Compensating.
Don't bother, Harry.
Just beam him to the brig.
Tebbis... wake up.
Time to make our rounds.
Locate patient R-12.
Patient R-12 has been transferred to Level White.
Tebbis has been moved.
I know.
What's Level White?
Some kind of patient recovery area?
It's the morgue.
I demand an explanation for the death of that boy.
I'm responsible for thousands of patients.
You'll have to be more specific.
His name was Tebbis.
Patient R-12.
Acute chromo-viral disease.
He was recovering.
Apparently, he developed complications.
What kind of complications?
A secondary infection.
It spread rapidly.
How was it treated?
It wasn't.
The patient had exceeded his medication allotment.
It seems someone had given him unauthorized injections.
Did you think I wouldn't find out?
Don't you have any ethical standards?
You are hardly in a position to speak to me of ethics.
Lying, stealing...
Any other crimes you wish to confess?
I was trying to save lives.
And I am trying to save a society.
Do you really think patient R-12 is going to help me do that?
!
His name was Tebbis.
He wasn't contributing.
He was a drain on resources.
You're not just rationing health care here.
You're getting rid of the sick and the weak.
If the boy had been fit, he would have survived.
Why don't you just put a phaser to their heads?
We're healers, not killers.
I'm going to expose you.
To whom-- the people who employ me?
They brought me here to make the hard choices they don't want to make.
From now on, I'm restricting you to Level Blue.
You've done enough damage on Red.
You mean those patients that I treated?
Yes, that was inconsiderate of me.
It was. 
You managed to exceed their annual medication allotment in a matter of days.
They're being sent home.
They'll die.
You should have considered the consequences of your actions.
Please, don't make them suffer for my mistakes.
It won't happen again.
I'm making certain of that.
From now on, your time will be strictly regulated.
Meaning what?
I've interfaced your holo-matrix with the Allocator.
Starting now, it will determine where you go, when you go, and what you do when you get there.
The Medical Hologram will now commence treatment on Level Blue.
You have six minutes to treat patient B-3.
I don't know where he is.
Not now, perhaps, but you know where you took him.
The last time I saw him, he was in your Sick Bay.
If you refuse to cooperate, your knowledge of his location can be extracted.
How?
A mind-meld.
W-what's that?
An invasive and disturbing procedure.
Dinnertime!
Mr. Neelix, I am in the middle of an interrogation.
Commander, you know better than anyone that Starfleet has strict guidelines about allowing prisoners to eat.
Very well.
I'll wait.
There we are.
I'm glad to see you enjoying a meal.
When you got sick last time, I thought my food was to blame, until I realized it was just a ruse for you to get close to the Doctor.
I used Talaxian wormroot as the base.
Mm-hmm.
I'm glad you like it.
Some people react badly.
React how?
Oh, dear, I hope you're not getting sick.
Mm.
If it's the wormroot, it's gonna get a lot worse.
What have you done to me?
The usual symptoms are abdominal spasms, which increase in severity for 30 hours... 40 at the most.
Tuvok to Sick Bay.
Don't worry, Mr. Tuvok, it's not fatal.
It's horribly unpleasant, but, uh... there's an antidote.
Then give it to me!
Unfortunately, our Doctor is the only one authorized to administer it.
Maybe if you remembered where he was...
Mr. Neelix... have you deliberately poisoned this man?
Relax.
He's just having gas pains.
Your actions are not only against regulations...
Didn't I hear someone threaten a mind-meld?
I was merely trying to encourage the suspect to be more forthcoming.
Yeah.
I think he's getting all the encouragement he needs.
Excuse me, Doctor.
What is it?
I need to prepare this patient for discharge.
I'm not finished with him yet.
But Chellick's orders are to...
Are to discharge the patient at the end of the shift.
The shift isn't over, is it?
No, sir, but I need time in order to get the patient... I'll tell you when he's ready.
Dr. Voje, report to Level Blue to assist Dr. Dysek in surgery.
Voje!
I didn't realize that any of this even existed.
I need to talk to you.
I don't have time.
I just got a message from the Allocator that Dysek needs me.
I'm the one who sent for you.
I used his access codes.
Oh.
I need you to smuggle my mobile emitter off Level Blue.
Time has expired for treatment of patient B-1.
Proceed to patient B-3.
The Medical Hologram has one minute to treat patient B-3.
You have to help me.
12 patients on Level Red are being sent home because of you.
That's why we have to hurry.
We may still be able to save them.
You've already endangered my patients, and now you're asking me to risk my career?
Why should I help you?
Because I have a plan to heal those patients.
That's what doctors do-- we heal.
So, choose-- what kind of doctor are you going to be?
The Medical Hologram has 30 seconds to deactivation.
You hear that?
How can I get you off this level?
Deactivate my mobile emitter, and put it in inside this selenide medkit.
It'll shield the signature.
And then what?
Take it to Level Red, and reactivate me.
What are you going to do once you get to Level Red?
The Medical Hologram has ten seconds to deactivation.
There's no time to explain.
You'll have to trust me.
I suspect young Dr. Voje helped you escape.
He had nothing to do with it.
No matter.
You're becoming far too troublesome.
I'm going to have to deactivate your program.
Voje!
What's wrong with him?
What are you doing?
A little experiment in empathy.
You told me you were just developing new treatment protocols.
A single protocol, actually.
You're only making things worse for yourself.
As a matter of fact, I'm making things worse for you.
I'm going to make you a patient in your own hospital.
What was in that injector?
A neural blocker.
Combined with the same virus that afflicted Tebbis.
I trusted you.
And Tebbis trusted me.
You remember Tebbis, don't you?
Patient R-12?
Maybe this will jog your memory.
What are you doing?
Patient R-12.
Species: 
Dinaal.
Identity: 
Tebbis.
This is ridiculous!
I'm not Tebbis!
But the Allocator thinks you are.
How did you do...?
Simple-- the Allocator identifies patients by reading blood factors.
I altered Chellick's by injecting him with antigens from Tebbis.
Now, why don't we see if we can get your condition treated.
Requesting one cytoglobin injection for patient R-12.
Treatment denied.
I order you to medicate me now.
Ordinarily, I would, but if the Allocator says "No"... ls this some sort of revenge?
Not revenge.
Leverage.
I want enough cytoglobin to cure every infected patient on this level.
We don't have an adequate supply.
There's plenty on Level Blue.
Where it's being used to prevent arterial aging.
Those patients will survive without it, but a dozen people on this level won't.
I will not let them die.
Entering orbit.
Scan for the Doctor's signature.
He's dying.
As soon as we get the cytoglobin, we'll be able to treat all the Level Red patients, including him.
You said it yourself-- doctors heal.
We don't make patients sick!
I don't know any other way to help these people.
Dr. Voje... I need the medicine now.
Sir, I only have a Level Red clearance.
You know I'm not authorized.
Then find someone who is.
I've got him.
He's aboard a vessel above the northern continent.
Can you get a lock?
It's not going to be easy.
His program seems to be interfaced with the main computer.
Hail the ship.
They're responding;
audio only.
This is Hospital Ship 42.
Allocation Module Alpha.
This is Captain Janeway of the Starship Voyager.
I would like to speak with someone regarding a member of my crew who is aboard your vessel.
Administrator Chellick is currently unavailable.
Then may I speak with someone else?
Only Administrator Chellick is authorized to communicate with alien species.
Are we having a problem here?
Dysek. 
Finally.
l-l'm sorry.
I had to tell him.
What are you waiting for?
Give me the cytoglobin.
I don't think I can.
What are you saying?
Cytoglobin isn't authorized for Level Red patients.
Dysek!
I don't want to break the rules.
I made the rules!
Then you should be pleased I hold them in such high regard.
I'm sorry, Captain-- l can't transport him without damaging his matrix.
Then you'll have to go down there and get him.
Aye, Captain.
Chakotay.
Don't tell me you're allied with this defective hologram.
No, but he has given me insight into some of the intricacies of our system.
For example, did you know if I don't request enough resources for Level Blue this month, I won't get what I need next month?
What are you talking about?
!
You know, Doctor, one way to increase your allocation of resources on Level Blue would be to increase the number of patients.
I know at least a dozen people who should be treated for arterial aging.
Saving their lives would be just a side effect.
Hmm. 
Perhaps we should have them transferred to Level Blue.
If you're looking for a second opinion, I concur.
Well... 
Chellick...
what do you think?
It's absurd!
We'd have to transfer you to Level Blue as well.
You'd get your cytoglobin.
Doctor.
It's nice to see some friendly faces.
We're gonna get you out of here.
Who do we talk to about accessing their main computer?
I'll be with you in a moment.
I'm with a... patient.
Do we have an agreement?
Yes.
You've managed to stay well while I was away.
I'm giving you a clean bill of health.
You were only away four days.
A lot can happen in four days-- injuries, infections...
malfunctions.
As you said, I'm fine.
Thank you.
I was wondering if you'd mind doing me a favor?
I'd like you to give me a checkup.
Have you been experiencing problems?
No, but as you said, I've been off the ship for awhile, interfaced with an alien computer.
Your program appears to be operating within normal parameters.
Really?
What about over the past several days?
There's no indication of diminished capacity.
No problems with my ethical subroutines?
None.
I see.
You seem disappointed.
While I was aboard that ship... I poisoned a man.
Deliberately?
Yes.
I was trying to force him to let me treat patients who were dying.
You were prepared to sacrifice an individual to benefit a collective.
No offense, Seven, but I don't exactly aspire to Borg ideals.
You were hoping your behavior was the result of a malfunction.
I'm sorry, Doctor, but I must give you a clean bill of health.

EMMA: 
I don't remember the details...except that...
MAN: 
Thirty seconds.
EMMA: 
Except that...
EMMA: 
Alex was lying on his back.
MAN: 
Fifteen seconds.
WOMAN: 
Eight, seven...
MAN: 
Six.
WOMAN 2: ...three, two, one.
EMMA: 
But I couldn't hear what he was saying.
And there was just this tiny, tiny wound.
Almost like a cut where the scab has been pulled off... and it's seeping blood.
EMMA: 
But there was an awful lot of blood coming from... this tiny...
little...cut.
EMMA: 
And the tissues I was... laying down weren't soaking it up.
DOCTOR: 
And so what did you do when they didn't...
didn't soak it up?
EMMA: 
Kept pressing on it.
DOCTOR: 
With...with the same tissues or...
EMMA: 
Yeah. 
And with my...
Just with my fingers.
DOCTOR: 
And then what?
EMMA: 
I don't know.
DOCTOR: 
What was Alex doing?
EMMA: 
He was...trying to...
Trying to tell me things.
DOCTOR: 
What kind of things?
EMMA: 
Some in Swedish.
Um...
DOCTOR: 
Swedish things that you've heard before? 
Or...
EMMA: 
It was very hard to understand what he was saying.
EMMA: and I woke up...
I think, not really knowing what had gone on.
DOCTOR: 
Did he know that he was in...in some sort of pain in the dream or he was just unaware?
EMMA: 
He seemed to be... almost...almost happy.
DOCTOR: 
Happy?
DOCTOR: 
So...so he was happy and he was bleeding from this...from this very little cut and you had a tissue.
EMMA: 
Yeah.
DOCTOR: ...that couldn't soak up the blood.
EMMA: 
Yes.
DOCTOR: 
And that was all you had and you kept dabbing it with the tissue and he was... he was talking to you in Swedish...
Happily.
EMMA: 
Yes.
DOCTOR: 
And he was using endearments or...
EMMA: 
I don't know. 
I think so.
DOCTOR: 
And...and...and what did you do after?
EMMA: 
I'm not sure.
DOCTOR: 
Let me ask you something.
Um, I'm just going to give you a few words.
And I just want you to tell me the first thing that comes into your head.
Uh...okay?
Okay, sleep.
DOCTOR: 
First thing, don't take time to think, just first thing.
DOCTOR: 
Sleep.
EMMA: 
EXEC.
Blood.
Fresh.
Tissue.
Fluffy.
Happy.
Sad.
DOCTOR: 
When you woke up...
This was last night when you were at your friend's house?
EMMA: 
Yeah.
DOCTOR: 
What did you do?
EMMA: 
I took a Melatonin, a tablet to help me sleep
EMMA: 
Then I...woke up and came here.
DOCTOR: 
So you take something to fall asleep a lot?
EMMA: 
No, no.
EMMA: 
But you happen to have them with you?
EMMA: 
I carry them with me.
LAUREN: 
What happened?
Oh.
SIKH NURSE: 
Hi. 
How are you?
GUARD: 
Hello.
LAUREN: 
What time's your meeting?
ROSE: 
In 20 minutes.
LAUREN: 
What?
ROSE: 
In 20 minutes.
LAUREN: 
Well, we don't have time to call AAA.
Do you want a ride?
LAUREN: 
There's no need for dramatics. 
I'll take you.
ROSE: 
Thank you, Lauren.
You are so generous.
LAUREN: 
What's that attitude?
ROSE: 
No attitude.
EMMA: 
So two nights ago I decided to...
I had to leave the house...
QUINTUS: 
Red Mullet?
EMMA: 
Because...
GUARD: 
Sir, what's in the bag?
EMMA: 
Alex was...
QUINTUS: 
Massage chair.
EMMA: 
Upset.
RECEPTIONIST: 
Red Mullet.
ASSISTANT: 
So, we'll call you later. 
Okay?
ACTRESS: 
Okay.
RECEPTIONIST:
I'll put you through. 
Okay.
QUINTUS: 
I'm Quintus from Roman Springs.
People call me Q.
RECEPTIONIST: 
Uh-huh.
QUINTUS: 
I've come to do the massage.
RECEPTIONIST: 
Oh, wonderful.
What kind of massage do you do?
QUINTUS: 
Gently caressing the soft tissue, Swedish technique.
QUINTUS: 
Deeper penetration, I use a shiatsu technique.
RECEPTIONIST: 
Mm-hm.
QUINTUS: 
Massage auras, hover chakras, what makes you cum.
RECEPTIONIST: 
Excuse me?
EMMA: 
House and go stay with my friend.
RECEPTIONIST: 
Red Mullet.
EMMA: 
So I just...took a couple of things with me.
RECEPTIONIST: 
Um, well, do you set up or...
EMMA: 
I didn't think I'd...
QUINTUS: 
I have a chair which I could put there, but generally I visit people in their work stations...
DOCTOR: 
I'm just curious about the pills.
RECEPTIONIST: 
Red Mullet.
DOCTOR: 
Because of the...
RECEPTIONIST: 
Oh, he's...
Let me put you to voicemail.
Okay. 
Well, all the executives are in one big meeting right now.
QUINTUS: 
Well, that's excellent. 
I can attack the mother lode in one place.
QUINTUS: 
Like going to a Web.
RECEPTIONIST: 
Massage their egos, that's for sure.
QUINTUS: 
Oh, that's par for the course and then I can spread out...
RECEPTIONIST: 
Right, but if you can just be really subtle.
QUINTUS: 
I am subtle...
QUINTUS: 
And discreet.
(WHISPERING) You won't even hear me.
RECEPTIONIST: 
Hi. 
This is Q from Roman Springs.
He's a massage therapist.
QUINTUS: 
Hail!  
Egos sum Quintus, yourfriendly gladiator. 
People call me Q.
I'm from Roman Springs and I say to your tension, " Veni vidi vici. "
DARREN: 
This is the friend of the friend from Roman Springs so they usually send over little sort of little, uh, gift just to entice us to go to Roman Springs for the retreat.
DARREN: 
I was expecting just a fruit basket, but I guess this is a...
EMMA: 
And even if he comes to bed at five in the morning, I still know that he's coming to bed at some time.
QUINTUS: 
In the lower back...
EVAN: 
If we can do this, we've got a meeting running.
PENNY: 
He has a bad back.
EVAN: 
Keep up with...
MAN: 
Yeah.
QUINTUS: 
I would urge them to avail themselves with some...
PENNY: 
He's got a bad back
QUINTUS: physical education at Roman Springs.
EVAN: 
Guys, we've got a situation on the set of TeenScene.
EVAN: 
There's a...
Ow, go easy on me...
EVAN: 
Outbreak of herpes and it's really a nightmare.
EVAN: 
I mean, the insurance company's given us two more days and then we gotta make a decision.
DARREN: 
Nobody's found out who the source is?
EVAN: 
Uh, well, I think they're trying to avoid naming names.
CONNIE: 
Is there a medic?
EVAN: 
Yeah. 
Four down.
EVAN: 
They've done everything they can with Blistex...
EMMA: 
Been together...
EVAN: ...and cover-up, but it's just a situation to be forewarned of. 
We might have to hold up production.
CONNIE: 
You should put the leads in separate hotels.
EMMA: 
Long enough to...
DARREN: 
Did you go by the set?
EMMA: 
Feel like a long time.
EXEC: 
Yeah. 
I went yesterday, which is why I couldn't go to Lancaster.
I had to fire the A.D. I'm sorry. 
I didn't wanna get sister-girl on him, but I had to. 
You know, he challenged me, so...
But morale is up. 
So...
EVAN: 
Yeah. 
You go girl.
EXEC: 
Yeah. 
You know?
DARREN: 
Looks like you got 'em.
EXEC: 
There I am.
DARREN: 
That's it, that's it. 
That's all. 
Walk in.
DARREN: 
Boost morale, by firing somebody. 
That's...
EXEC: 
Hey.
EVAN: 
A little update on John Tammer.
RENEE: 
Oh. 
John Tammer.
Yeah, we had to fire...
I had to fire five of the producers last night because somebody was caught embezzling money so...
EVAN: 
Holy cow. 
They go down like flies in this organization.
EMMA: 
He seems to be...
DARREN: 
Well, what? 
He was...
DARREN: 
Really caught with his hand in the till? 
Or...
DARREN: 
Is it your friend?
EMMA: 
Falling apart.
CONNIE: 
All right. 
Well, we we won't talk about it.
EMMA: 
Got this reckless...
EVAN: 
What can you tell us about  Madeline ?
CONNIE: 
The desk cards came back and most of the comments was that it wasn't scary.
EMMA: 
Reckless.
CONNIE: 
It's plain scary, so that's pretty good.
EMMA: 
We're living almost as if he's happier when he's falling apart.
DARREN: 
The problem is that I heard the rough cut and apparently the sound effects are such that the Buddhists, when they set themselves on fire, aren't crackling.
They are sort of popping and exploding and...
DARREN: 
It's adding a comic undercurrent to an otherwise
ACTRESS: 
Hey how are you?
DARREN: 
Fairly serious visual.
DARREN: 
Now, uh, it's gonna push us somewhat
DARREN: farther into the red.
EMMA: 
I wish I didn't
EMMA: care so much.
DARREN: 
You know, we have to address it.
DARREN: 
No way around it.
EVAN: 
That's your call.
DARREN: 
That's my observation.
EVAN: 
Uh, it's a good call.
Same thing for  Flicker of Light.
Wegotsoftfocusafew days in a row and there's...
DARREN: 
That might not be a bad thing.
DARREN: 
Because she's not a spring chicken anymore.
CONNIE: 
Looks like  Playboy .
(SCREAMING)
DARREN: 
Jesus Christ, what's that?
EVAN: 
Five point six.
GUARD: 
Good old Hollywood, that's all.
MAN: 
Is that a term I used?
GUARD: 
So don't worry.
GUARD: 
Everything's fine.
No, if you want to, but it's fine.
EVAN: 
You all right?
Everybody okay?
DOCTOR: 
Honey, you okay?
EVAN: 
We came down.
EMMA: 
But I really...
LAUREN: 
You're a fucking slut.
And you are a fool if you don't think I know what's going on.
Ah! 
I've had it!
I have absolutely had it!
You know, you can't go on like this. 
It's not going on!
The gravy train is over!
ROSE: 
Lauren.
LAUREN: 
When we get back, you can just pack your bags and leave
'Cause I am not a fool!
I got enough to worry about.
I gotta try and...
Oh, God.
ROSE: 
You've gone fucking mad.
LAUREN: 
No. 
I have not gone mad.
ROSE: 
Yes, you've gone mad.
LAUREN: 
No.
ROSE: 
You've gone mad.
LAUREN: 
How have I gone mad?
ROSE: 
What the fuck is your problem?
LAUREN: 
What is my problem?
You are my problem. 
You!
GUARD: 
You all right?
DOCTOR: 
I wanted to ask you...
ROSE: 
What did I do now?
LAUREN: 
Oh, what did you do now? 
You've never done anything wrong. 
I don't know what's been going on the past few months. 
You know, if you don't think I don't notice the phone calls...
ROSE: 
Oh, God....been going on for the past few months? 
I've had...
LAUREN: 
I think you're gonna make a great actress, let's just put it that way. 
A great actress.
ROSE: 
What is your problem?
GUARD: 
Smells strong.
LAUREN: 
I told you, my problem is you.
EVAN: 
Okay. 
What's the story on the  Blind Venetians ?
DARREN: 
Uh, the  Blind Venetiansare... essentially that they've been scheduled to open on President's Day.
LAUREN: 
My love, my time, my money.
My recommendation is that they move it back to
Helen Keller's birthday just to...
EXEC: 
I'm sorry, Darren.
We need to have a serious talk about Alex being late.
I mean...he lives three blocks away. 
This is ridiculous.
It's unprofessional.
It's unfair to us.
EVAN: 
Sweetie, we just got through having a serious talk about it.
EVAN: 
I made it clear...
EXEC: 
With us. 
Connie...
EMMA: 
He's my best friend.
EXEC: 
I'm tired of waiting.
RENEE: 
We can get a little more done before he gets here.
EVAN: 
That's the point.
We're tryin' to...
RENEE: 
There he is.
EVAN: 
Here...here he comes.
EVAN: 
As if on cue.
ROSE: 
You won't have to pay for anything for much longer.
LAUREN: 
Well, I don't mind paying for anything.
Listen to me...
LAUREN: 
I don't mind...
ROSE: 
I'm getting my shit together.
ROSE: 
And I'm getting out of your life, if that's what you want.
RENEE: 
The man will rock and roll.
EVAN: 
We gotta roll with the man's punches because...
LAUREN: 
Fine.
ROSE: 
Fine.
EVAN: 
That's why this company is what it is.
RENEE: 
Rock and roll.
LAUREN: 
I don't mind...
LAUREN: 
I don't mind...
CONNIE: 
If this is a hump,
I'm willing to help him get over this hump. 
I just...
CONNIE: 
I don't know how long this hump is gonna...
LAUREN: 
What I mind is being a fool.
CONNIE: 
It's a big hump.
QUINTUS: 
Did you have your feet bound?
CONNIE: 
No.
RENEE: 
No. 
I think we should perform an intervention.
And I know that most of the time they're not successful, but I think that this is something we should try for him.
ALEX: 
Hey, Rose, it's Alex.
ROSE: 
I know it.
ALEX: 
You can't talk.
ALEX: 
I wasn't sure if it was today or tomorrow.
If we're one for today, say something like...
You have a bad connection.
ROSE: 
Mary, I can't hear you. 
We have a bad connection.
LAUREN: 
Let me speak to Mary.
ROSE: 
Listen, Lauren wants to talk to you.
LAUREN: 
Gimme the phone.
Mary. 
Hello?
LAUREN: 
Hello? 
Mary.
EVAN: 
Hello.
EMMA: 
Go back to it.
EVAN: 
Hello.
EVAN: 
Jeff, man.
How's it goin', dude?
EMMA: 
I stumbled into it...
ALEX: 
Hey, Randy.
GUARD: 
It's really good shit.
EMMA: 
When I was younger.
ROSE: 
Move on...
GUARD: 
From the jungles of Bolivia.
ROSE I understand, I know I'm a burden to you.
I don't wanna be.
I'm trying, you know.
ROSE: 
I'm trying.
LAUREN: 
I can't handle this anymore.
I can't handle the pressure.
DOCTOR: 
How does it make you feel?
LAUREN: - supposed to be
LAUREN: 
You're supposed to be the good thing in my life.
ROSE: 
Oh, I'm sorry.
LAUREN: 
Oh, right now, I have this feeling...
ROSE: 
Well, I'm sorry I'm the bag thing in your life, Lauren.
LAUREN: 
No.
ROSE: 
I truly am.
LAUREN: 
No, no. 
Look me in the eye. 
Right now.
Look me in the eye and tell me that there is no one else.
Tell me th...
You didn't tell me.
ROSE: 
I love you.
LAUREN: 
I love you, too. 
I do.
So, look me in the eye...
LAUREN: and tell me.
ROSE: 
Stop this.
LAUREN: 
See you can't do it.
ROSE: 
Look, there's no one else in my life, Lauren.
ROSE: 
You happy now?
LAUREN: 
There's no one else, you swear.
ROSE: 
How many times? 
There's no one else. 
I swear.
I don't know how to swear to you. 
I don't know how to...
I just don't know what to do anymore. 
I mean...
LAUREN: 
Okay, that's fine.
ALEX: 
Morning, everybody.
DARREN: 
Hey, hey.
ALEX: 
Hey. 
How was the trip?
ALEX: 
I'm sorry I'm late.
The traffic was, uh...
ALEX: 
So what do we have?
EVAN: 
We got a full plate.
EVAN: 
I got a lot of stuff we all read last night.
Right? 
Get some opinions.
EVAN: 
Has anyone seen Maria?
EXEC: 
Yeah.
Is she under the chair?
DARREN: 
She's being stepped on.
LAUREN: 
I love you so much.
EMMA: 
Dirty subject.
LAUREN: 
Tell me.
LAUREN: 
Yes. 
That's not realistic.
EMMA: 
The fact that Alex drinks so much...
EVAN: 
That was the typing.
CONNIE: 
Why don't they ever make movies like...
DARREN: 
There's no movies for Latinos. 
Jennifer Lopez.
EXEC: 
Yeah, as a maid?
As a promiscuous maid?
DARREN: 
Well, what...
Listen.
EXEC: 
Ask us when you wanna play...
EVAN: 
Okay. 
So...
what about...
EVAN:  
In A Box .
EXEC: 
An amazing script.
I haven't read a good script like this since TheColorPurple.
EXEC: 
And  Cosign.
It's a group of frustrated black actors in Hollywood.
They get so enraged with... with feeling isolated, with feeling marginalized, tired of being the token splash of color in a movie and they... they just embody this Marcus Garvey period, you know, back to Africa, while they're having coffee...
EMMA: 
Sometimes I'm just living in my own head.
LAUREN: 
Pat, could you pull over when you see a newsstand?
EMMA: 
And I don't understand.
LAUREN: 
I need cigarettes EMMA: 
A lot of the world.
EXEC: 
Black people are more than just gangs and shooting each other's brains...
EVAN: 
No. 
You know, that's not what I'm talkin' about.
EXEC: 
No, what you're saying, Evan, is that you only think blacks are commercial when they're shooting each other's brains. 
I mean...
EVAN: 
No, you know perfectly well that's not what...
EXEC: 
Blacks can be multi-dimensional.
DARREN: 
Okay. 
We'll move on.
EVAN: 
This is an issue that has got great crossover potential.
EVAN: 
This is about the black diaspora.
EXEC: 
This is what Hollywood
ACTRESS: 
It's a good show.
CONNIE: 
Crossover lead.
Will Smith is accessible.
LESTER: 
I mean, it's really difficult for, uh...very very demanding part very full, rich you know, she tries to kill herself, she's a slut, she's a bitch,
She has a heart of gold and...
To play all those notes, it really would be better if you had read the script.
But you didn't, so, um...
DARREN: 
Too far gone?
EXEC: 
Oh, that...that...
that's the...that's the...
TheShine.
EVAN:  
The Shine .
RENEE: 
Except the guy's got, a lot more problems.
CONNIE: 
More problems.
ROSE: 
I would love you anyway.
LESTER: 
The man you love and he's leaving forever.
LESTER: 
Can we do a little improv? 
Do you mind?
ACTRESS: 
Yeah.
LESTER: 
Uh, Zee, can you...
do you mind if you're a boat? 
Just be a boat.
Yeah. 
You know. 
Here.
Here you go. 
A boat. 
Right?
ACTRESS: 
What's the tone of the movie? 
Is it just sort of, like, comedy or drama?
LESTER: 
Drama. 
Drama.
It's a very deep, rich melodrama and, uh, this... this...a lot of sex, but the sex is routed in the storyline and it's all based upon her character because she's sleeping her way to the top of the public relations firm in
uh, in Saint Louis, Missouri.
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
LAUREN: 
Patch, lock the doors.
Hello?
Hello?
Check.
One,two.
Hello.
Hello?
Check,check,
Check,check,check, check,check,check.
ACTOR: 
I still see the innocent girl you used to be before Amanda got killed in that tragic boat accident.
EMMA: 
I think that it's a very ugly place.
ACTRESS: 
Oh, God Jason, it feels so good to unburden myself.
EMMA: 
I think sometimes there are moments of real beauty.
ROSE: 
Unlock the door.
EMMA: 
Like a smile.
DOCTOR: 
Hm. 
A smile.
ROSE Why'd you lock the door.
DOCTOR: 
What else?
ACTRESS: 
Love all over again
EMMA: 
Falling asleep together.
ACTOR: 
Very nice. 
Sorry.
ACTOR: 
After all your lies...
ACTRESS: 
Now that I've found you, I do.
EMMA: 
Your lover.
EXEC: ...where the conflict happened.
And so that would mean that the people who watch the
History Channel they would probably watch this movie.
EMMA: 
Knowing you're loved.
EXEC: 
But it also catches the teen market because it's a boy and girl who have just finished their freshman year at Harvard and they're in...the...
the bush, and this girl is shaving her legs...
long, brown legs. 
Been in the bush for an, uh, a few weeks and she's shaving the slit.
Blood trickling down. 
Big pool of blood. 
A lotta blood.
And...and...and...and...
and then you cut to like a wide shot and she and her boyfriend on the banks of this...
EVAN: 
Renee, is there a script on this?
RENEE: 
So far?
RENEE: 
So far? 
That they get into the river and the...the camera, like, gushes down below the water.
It's mur...murky, muddy...
EVAN: 
Sweetie, do we have a script on this? 
Can we just...
Is it something we can read?
RENEE: 
There's a worm.
It's like...
like a glass noodle worm, like the kind usually...
EVAN: 
That's sounds really...
RENEE: 
In Japanese restaurants, you know, the glass noodle worm. 
I mean, noodles? 
And... and that's what the worm is like...
EVAN: 
What about...what about the whole  South Park thing? 
Are we excited about that?
CONNIE: 
Oh, I like that.
EVAN:  
South Park ?
DARREN:  
South Park ? 
Oh, well, the  South Park thing is...is kind of exciting to me. 
Alex, I'd love for you to chime in.
This has got to me by Debbie Weavling.
And, uh, this is the SouthParkguys,
Matt Stone, Trey Parker.
They've written a script.
Granted the title might...it's a working title,  Time Toilet .
Essentially  Time Toilet is...
a janitor working on a nuclear energy facility discovers that the toilet of the men's room is actually a time portal and they've been inadvertently flushing waste products back in time.
Subtly changing time.
Obviously, this is a sci-fi comedy with historical, uh, value because there are there are several, um, tableaux that we hit upon.
Most notably is the, uh, assassination of Lincoln which is foiled because just as John Wilkes Booth is raising his pistol to the back of our sixteenth President's head,
Whoosh. 
Wilkes Booth is washed with waste, uh, flushed from today back then.
That would be Mrs. Lincoln.
So now he has to flush himself back in time to kill Lincoln.
So that's our hero.
ALEX: 
Great.
DARREN: 
It is a good opportunity.
EVAN: 
Yeah. 
It's cameos, it's historical, it's educational and it's funny as hell. 
You like it?
ALEX: 
I love it
ACTRESS: 
Oh, my God.
I love Johnny Depp.
I saw him the other night at the Viper Room and he is so hot.
EXEC: 
Great soundtrack.
DARREN: 
We can " Bill and Ted " the whole thing, you know?
EXEC: 
Garbage. 
I don't even listen to garbage.
EVAN: 
Cornhole.
EXEC: 
Cornhole!
VAN: 
What do we think of Ricky Skaggs?
RENEE: 
I...
I...
I...
I...
I
EVAN: 
No. 
Right? 
We hate it.
ACTRESS: 
He wants to hang out and read it again.
EVAN: 
Do you have a tissue, please?
WOMAN: 
Break a leg.
ACTRESS: 
You break a leg.
PENNY: 
Um, I, uh, d...did you f...feel something...
sh...shaking?
ROSE: 
BPT.
LAUREN: 
BPT?
ROSE: 
Best People in Town.
LAUREN: 
Then wouldn't it be...
EXEC: 
I'm just curious.
But didn't you think that...
Whatever script that was you read...
LAUREN: 
Really?
That's your agency?
ROSE: 
Well, I wish it was my agency. 
I...
LAUREN: 
Wouldn't that be BP...
I...
T?
ROSE: 
Well, you know, Best People Tell. 
I don't know, Lauren.
But it's better than nothing.
(LAUREN LAUGHS)
ROSE: 
Don't worry.
I'll get an agent.
LAUREN: 
I know you will.
LAUREN: 
And what's this part you're auditioning for?
ROSE: 
I'm auditioning for the part of a teacher.
LAUREN: 
Dressed like that?
ROSE: 
Who used to be a shepherd.
LAUREN: 
Dressed like that?
ROSE: 
She wanted to be a teacher all her life and...
EVAN: 
She's young, 18 years old, a brilliant genius director.
EXEC: 
I just can't over the fact that...
EVAN: 
Meeting today?
EXEC: 
She is so young.
EXEC: 
What were we all doing at 18?
CONNIE: 
I think I was collecting stickers.
EVAN: 
She's makin' a movie for thirty thousand that translates to...what is it?
RENEE: 
Sixty million.
EXEC: 
Grossed $60 million.
EVAN: 
Not bad.
ROSE: 
So she would read books as she was tending the sheep.
ROSE: 
While she was preparing herself...
MAN: 
Yeah. 
That's right, she did all the music.
ROSE: 
The owner of the ranch where she tended the sheep had many kids.
LAUREN: 
Like seven?
ROSE: 
The youngest one...
He has seven children.
LAUREN: 
Like seven? 
She had...
ROSE: 
The youngest one got into an accident...
ROSE: 
He almost drowned and she saves his life.
So the owner of the haciendaasksherwhat she wants in return for saving his son.
LESTER: 
Hi.
ACTRESS: 
How old are you?
ROSE: 
She says...
LESTER: ...the documentary...
LESTER: 
Oh, no.
RENEE: 
It's amazing.
LESTER: 
I've seen pictures of her. 
She's beautiful.
CONNIE: 
She's coming in today.
LESTER: 
Is she really?
CONNIE: 
Yeah.
LESTER: 
Oh, wow.
EXEC: 
You're 40, yeah?
RENEE: 
No, no, like 45.
LESTER: 
Uh, I...
I'm...41.
EVAN: 
Alex, the thing about Ana is that she's got European sensibilities.
GUARD: 
Hurray!
She's Italian...
Venezuelan.
A combination of three things.
But she speaks five languages and we thought you'd be able to talk to her.
CONNIE: 
She doesn't really look Egyptian.
DARREN: 
She looks like a mutt.
EVAN: 
She speaks intellectual.
She speaks smart.
ROSE: 
I forgot to tell you that his wife had died.
LAUREN: 
Of course.
LAUREN: 
I think I've seen this. 
Is this a musical?
CONNIE: 
She's like a big wad of cash with a head on it.
CONNIE: 
Yeah. 
She's gonna walk in our door.
LAUREN: 
Did you read the script?
ROSE: 
I read it.
LAUREN: 
I never saw you read the script.
ROSE: 'Cause I didn't read the script, Lauren, I read the synopsis.
LAUREN: 
Why?
ROSE: 
I don't even know why I bother.
LAUREN: 
Did I lose my mind?
ROSE: 
Of course not, they're gonna give me a scene.
that I will see for the first time and then I...
I'm very good...but
I'll just, um, I'll read off the page.
LESTER: 
An Asian, a black girl, I want a white girl.
I want to give you the whole gamut of racial...
EXEC: 
Wait, wait, wait,
Wait. 
Wait. 
Wait.
LESTER: 
Poor white trash...
EXEC: 
If you cast a black woman...
You know.
We talked about this.
You're taking bitch out of the title.
LESTER: 
Oh. 
Okay.
EXEC: 
All right. 
But it's just derogatory.
LESTER: 
That's a good idea.
EVAN: 
I thought we liked this.
LESTER: 
I kind of like bitch.
RENEE: 
I...
I like bitch.
LESTER: 
I like bitch.
LAUREN: 
Dressed like that?
ROSE: 
Anywhere I dress...
I mean, doesn't matter how I dress. 
I am...
I am still the right person for the part.
LAUREN: 
You want some respect?
ROSE: 
Yes. 
And I will earn it with my acting.
LAUREN: 
Well, why don't you earn it right now by just covering up your breasts.
LESTER: 
I can change it.
EXEC: 
I mean this word takes so much negativity. 
I mean, with female violence? 
Battery?
LESTER: 
You like this, right?
EXEC: 
Abuse.
I'm a bad person.
LAUREN: 
It would make me feel good.
ROSE: 
No, I'm doin' it.
ROSE: 
Stop the nagging and I'll do it.
There, happy?
ROSE: 
See you at home later.
LAUREN: 
No, I'll wait on you.
ROSE: 
Oh, no, no, no.
LAUREN: 
No, I thought we were gonna do.
LESTER: 
Oh, I can give you instruction...
ROSE: 
What made you think that?
ROSE: 
No. 
You're going home and I'll meet you there.
ROSE: 
Or you're going wherever you were going...
EVAN: 
What are you talking about? 
You're wasting our time.
EVAN: 
Darren why do they call it a budget?
DARREN: 
They call it a budget so you don't budge from it.
(ALL LAUGH) EXEC: 
It works every time.
ROSE: 
Thanks for the ride.
LAUREN: 
I'll be out here.
I'm gonna be out here
ROSE: 
No.
LAUREN: 
Readin' the paper. 
I got a lot of business to do.
LAUREN: 
Have a good audition.
ROSE: 
I might be a long time.
LAUREN: 
Okay. 
I'll be here.
RENEE: 
From 21 to 18 day shoot. 
Right?
Weren't we talkin' about that last time on the telephone?
EVAN: 
Yeah.
RENEE: 
Twenty-one to 18.
LESTER: 
Wait, wait. 
We were talkin' about 24 days.
EVAN: 
We talked about 21.
Now it's down to 18.
LESTER: 
Alex, wh...what...
EVAN: 
Can you do in 18?
LESTER: 18 days, I can do it better. 
I'm gonna give you a better product.
LESTER: 
All right, uh, okay, good, good. 
Keep it raw and gritty.
DARREN: 
That's what your style was? 
Man, that's your grandpa.
LESTER: 
Okay, no problem and no...
I mean, I'll use my handheld...
I...
I...
EVAN: 
Let's do it for 30,000.
The film should make 60 million, right?
So you can do it for 18.
LESTER: 
Okay. 
Okay.
Production values are not gonna suffer. 
Believe me.
You're gonna love this rock and roll.
EVAN: 
Welcome. 
What can she do in 18 days? 
A lot.
LESTER: 
Can I talk about the ending?
I was thinkin' about changing the ending. 
I had some ideas.
LAUREN: 
Oh, oh.
LESTER: 
I think a feel-good happy ending...
DARREN: 
No, no, no.
Lester, let's stick to the plan...
DARREN: 
I think we need to stick to what is written and you have to work within those boundaries the way you work so well.
LESTER: 
Okay.
MAN: 
Provided you're at peak form and you're in your health...
LESTER: 
Right, right.
DARREN: 
And all that...
ALEX: 
You got some friends.
You'll be able to pull some names...
ROSE: 
You an actress?
EMMA: 
Yeah.
ROSE: 
Are you here for the audition?
EMMA: 
Mm-hm.
ROSE: 
You're pretty.
EMMA: 
You're pretty.
EMMA: 
No, you're beautiful.
ROSE: 
You think so?
EVAN: 
Whoa, whoa. 
What...what do you mean two days?
CONNIE: 
Why are you sweating?
LESTER: 
I'm not sweating.
But what do you mean two days in turnaround? 
Alex...
LESTER: 
Alex, what...what is that two days in turnaround business? 
What is this?
ALEX: 
Sorry, Lester, you only have two days, but you can cast it in two days, couldn't you?
MAN: 
I've been tryin' since I... this is my fifth week and
I haven't casted 'em yet.
ALEX: 
You'll manage.
CONNIE: 
Lester, you're clean, aren't ya?
(LESTER MUTTERS)
CONNIE: 
You're clean, right?
I mean...
We're all adults here.
Um, there's...there's been a couple rumors and, uh, I just wanted to make sure you're not using again.
LESTER: 
No. 
I'm not using...
Of course, I'm not using.
CONNIE: 
Everyone takes a cast and crew physical before we go into production.
LESTER: 
Are you trying to...
CONNIE: 
Insurance purposes.
ALEX: 
I'll be right with ya.
LESTER: 
What are you talkin' about?
DARREN: 
I don't think he's using.
ALEX: 
We're pretty much done, aren't we?
RENEE: 
We'll show you...
our arms if you show us yours.
ALEX: 
Take notes, Connie, really.
EVAN: 
The other one.
RENEE: 
I...
I wanted to talk to you...
EVAN. 
The other one. 
The other one.
LESTER: 
All right. 
No, no,
LESTER: 
Come on, come on.
EVAN: 
Show us the other arm.
LESTER: 
This is a joke...
EVAN: 
There's your answer.
EVAN: 
Alex, what's going on?
EVAN: 
There's your answer.
LESTER: 
All right, screening.
ALEX: 
So what you been up to?
LESTER: 
Screen test is in...
Okay. 
And I'll see you there.
EMMA: 
Just wanted to say hello.
ALEX: 
Yeah.
MAN: 
Alex, come on, man.
What is that shit? 
Two days? 
Two days I've been tryin' to get this for five weeks now.
ALEX: 
Don't worry...
Two days.
LESTER: 
What do you mean don't worry?
EXEC: 
If I didn't know you so well, I'd think you were a racist.
EVAN: 
You're pushing it.
EXEC: 
No I'm not pushing it.
ALEX: 
What?
EVAN: 
What're you doing?
ALEX: 
I gotta see my wife.
Uh, I'll talk to you later.
EVAN: 
So you'll come back?
Are you gonna come back...
ALEX: 
So, no flowers, no cards, no presents and not even a phone call and it was my birthday yesterday.
EMMA: 
You're full of shit.
ALEX: 
I am.
But if it would have been my birthday, would you have called?
LESTER: 
Okay, kids, uh, you wanna hear the good news or you wanna hear the bad news?
ACTOR: 
Good news always.
LESTER: 
All right, the good news is there ain't no good news. 
There's only bad news. 
I got two days to cast this movie or they're pullin' the plug.
LESTER: 
They cut my days down from 24 to 21 days.
And they think I'm fuckin' using' drugs again, God dammit.
Fuck!
ASSISTANT: 
Lester, you are using drugs again.
ALEX: 
I've been thinking.
If I took a couple weeks off, maybe a month.
We could just take a plane to Venice.
Or Florence. 
A plane to Florence and then drive south for a couple of hours and, uh, and rent a villa, maybe in Chianti or why not by the coast. 
You know?
Cook our own food and no scripts, no cell phones, no faxes.
Only books that can't be made into movies.
And we'll swim naked.
I'll lick the salt off your body while you're drying in the sun.
EMMA: 
Can I look?
ALEX: 
Yeah. 
Of course you can look. 
Look in the top drawer.
ROSE: ...money to accomplish all my desires.
I now have enough time and energy...
ROSE: 
To accomplish all my desires.
ROSE: 
I am the calm, especially the peace, and I see love in everyone.
ROSE: 
I am the calm, especially the peace, and I see love in everyone.
I am the calm, especially the peace, and I see love in everyone.
ALEX: 
It's very hard to stop drinking when you're not at home.
You know, I can't...
I can't work, I can't sleep.
ROSE: 
I believe in infinite  aboondance .
LAUREN: 
Abundance.
ROSE: 
And the money is always there...
ALEX: 
You know what I think we should do? 
We should...
We should buy a house.
Buy a house in Tuscany, and move there. 
You don't like L.A. anyway, do ya?
ALEX: 
Moving to London is not such a good idea. 
So let's...
let's leave this town.
QUINTUS: 
For all the radiation in her earlobe.
ALEX: 
Do you love me?
EMMA: 
Is that what you think?
ALEX: 
What I think is not the point. 
Do you love me?
ROSE: 
I accept it. 
No.
ROSE: 
Every day I....
EMMA: 
I wish I didn't love you quite so much.
ROSE: 
Every day...
ALEX: 
Well, then, I think we should live together and I think you should come back home.
ROSE: 
Every day...
ALEX: 
And we'll...
work things out.
I know that you've been a bit unbalanced lately, but, uh, maybe you should see someone, talk to someone.
EVAN: 
Alex? 
You're with us at the screening?
ALEX: 
Yeah, sure.
EVAN: 
Sorry to interrupt.
ROSE: 
I am vibrantly healthy...
ALEX: 
Jesus. 
I wanna get outta here.
ROSE: 
I am vibrantly healthy...
ALEX: 
What do you say?
ROSE: 
I am vibrantly...
ROSE: 
I am always in the right place at the right time.
ROSE: 
I am always at the right place at the right time.
(SCREAMING)
GUARD: 
Okay, okay. 
Okay.
It's okay. 
It's okay.
GUARD: 
It's okay, it's okay.
EMMA: 
Alex?
ALEX: 
Yeah.
EMMA: 
I'm going to leave you.
ALEX: 
Yeah.
(PHONE RINGING)
ALEX: 
I understand.
LAUREN: 
Get out, get out of there. 
It's me. 
I'm outside.
ROSE: 
Puppy, go home. 
I'll take a taxi. 
It'll be okay.
LAUREN: 
No, no, come on out.
ROSE. 
Puppy, I'm in line, I have to go in and do my audition.
LAUREN: 
You don't understand, it's not worth it.
ROSE: 
Puppy, go home.
ROSE: 
You don't know how hard it was to get this audition.
ROSE: 
I cannot do that.
I'll be fine.
Just go home. 
I'll take a taxi. 
It'll be okay.
ALEX: 
Hello? 
Yeah, hi Bunny.
BUNNY:
Hey,howyou doing?
ALEX: 
Oh, just fine. 
How you doing?
BUNNY:
It'smakingmecrazy.
ALEX: 
Yeah. 
This is a...
BUNNY:
I 'ma littleearly.
I'moutsideyouroffices.
Ithoughtif yougot a second,whydon'twegrab  acupof coffee,something.
Iwannatalktoyou. 
Gota minute?
ALEX: 
I'm actually in a meeting right now.
BUNNY:
Youare.
Oh. 
Allright.
Allright.
Well,listen,uh , I'lltakearaincheck.
Iwannaget togetherwithyousort of,youknow,awayfrom  allthebusiness.
Okay?
ALEX: 
Yeah. 
Absolutely.
BUNNY:
Great.
BUNNY:
Oh,and,um, one  otherthing.
Iwannagive  youa headsup .
AnaPowellswantstobringin herboyfriendintothis pitchmeeting.
And,uh,youknow, normally,I wouldsayno,  but,uh,hisnameisJoey
Zee.
He'sin thisband, WalkDon'tRun,and ...
and,uh,thisthingjust  wentplatinum.
So ...
WOMAN: 
Hello?
BUNNY:
Hewantsto dothesoundtrack.
I thinkitwillbea great addition.
WOMAN: 
Hi, how are you?
BUNNY:
Andsheseems,you know,veryintenton havinghimthere,soI  thoughtnoproblem,but ...
WOMAN: 
Are you a little busy?
BUNNY:
Wouldyoudomea favorandleteverybodyknow ?
ALEX: 
Absolutely.
BUNNY:
Great.
Ithink... uh,andlet'ssee what theyhaveto offer...
ACTRESS: 
Remember I had that audition today?
It was good. 
He wants me to stay and maybe read it with him again later.
ACTRESS: 
Yeah, yeah.
It's good.
ACTRESS: 
He gave me shit about the script.
ALEX: 
See you in half an hour.
BUNNY:
I 'llseeyouinhalf .
ALEX: 
Okay.
ACTRESS: 
You should've sent it.
BUNNY:
Thanks,Alex.
ACTRESS: 
You didn't send the script.
(PHONE RINGING)
ACTRESS: 
It does matter 'cause this is not the first time this has happened.
ROSE: 
Alex.
ALEX: 
Hey, Rose.
ROSE WHISPERING:
Where the hell are you?
Listen to me.
ALEX: 
Uh, I'm on my way. 
I'm in a meeting right now, but I'll be...
I'll be right...
right with you.
ROSE: 
Shh. 
There... there's people...there's people in the room.
There's people in the screening room.
ALEX: 
What?
ACTRESS: 
After everything I've done?
ALEX: 
What?
I forgot about that.
ACTRESS: 
I signed with you, not with your assistant.
ALEX: 
I forgot about that.
ACTRESS: 
If you don't respect me, then...
FEMALE VOICE: 
After everything that's happened.
MALE VOICE: 
Because I still see the little girl might want to come...innocent one. 
Before the tragic accident...
ROSE WHISPERING:
They're here.
MALE VOICE: 
Boating accident.
ROSE: 
What?
ALEX: 
I got a better idea. 
I'm gonna hang up.
MALE VOICE: 
Yeah. 
The truth...
the truth will - the truth will set you free.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Oh, yes, yes.
MALE VOICE: 
What? 
After all your lies, do you know who you are anymore?
FEMALE VOICE: 
No, but I found you, I did.
MAN: 
Hey.
FEMALE VOICE:
Oh...
MALE VOICE:
I still believe you.
FEMALE VOICE:
Oh Jason.
(GROANS OF PASSION)
MALE VOICE:
Is this the old Valerie or is this the new one?
MALE VOICE:
Or is this the new new one?
FEMALE VOICE:
It's the new new one.
Now that you're here, everything is brand spanking new new.
(KNOCKING ON THE WINDOW)
LESTER: 
Okay and ready, Diamond?
WOMAN: 
I'm ready.
LESTER: 
And action.
EVAN: 
Diamond...
EXEC: 
Actress...
ACTRESS: 
Hi.
LAUREN: 
Hi.
ACTRESS: 
You have a light?
LAUREN: 
A light?
LAUREN: 
Yes, sure.
RENEE: 
I mean, she seems very...sweet.
ACTRESS: 
Do I know you?
LAUREN: 
Do I know you?
LAUREN: 
No.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Oh yeah.
FEMALE VOICE: 
It's so good.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Now that I've found you...
MALE VOICE: 
I was just... (PASSIONATE GROANING)
LESTER: 
Just do your lines.
LESTER: 
Keep it going, just keep it going. 
I have to get more. 
That...that orgasm. 
Orgasm. 
That's good. 
Orgasm. 
That's good, that's good. 
Okay, you can come down now.
(WOMAN SQUEALING)
WOMAN: 
Okay.
MAN: 
One more...
Okay, action.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Everything is just brand spanking new.
(PASSIONATE GROANING)
MAN: 
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
LESTER: 
One more take.
LESTER: 
Okay, action.
MAN: 
Third one, this is Jessica...
MAN: 
She's reading for the bitch's mother?
FEMALE VOICE: 
It feels so good to unburden myself.
MALE VOICE: 
Keep it going.
FEMALE VOICE: oh yes.
MALE VOICE: 
I want it, I...
LESTER: 
It's supposed to be the first take. 
This is the second take.
WOMAN'S VOICE: 
That's okay, we can get an idea, Lester.
MALE VOICE: 
It doesn't matter.
She's bad. 
She's a bad actress.
(MOANING)
MALE VOICE: 
Amateur hour.
But, um, I thought I'd give you a racial gamut.
FEMALE VOICE: 
No.
Colorblind auditioning is great.
MALE VOICE: 
No? 
It's good that it's colorblind.
It's, uh, it's tone deaf.
It's all those things.
(MOANING)
ALEX: 
Hey.
WOMAN: 
I missed you.
ALEX: 
I missed you, too.
O Rose thou art sick.
The invisible worm, That flies in the night
In the howling storm:
Has found out thy bed Of crimson joy:
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.
WOMAN: 
That's beautiful.
Did you write that for me?
ALEX: 
Yeah.
WOMAN: 
Wow.
ALEX: 
Well, I had some help from a guy named Blake.
WOMAN: 
It's okay. 
I made you a cake.
ALEX: 
What?
WOMAN: 
I made you a cake.
ALEX: 
Yes, you did.
WOMAN: 
I'm serious.
ALEX: 
Oh, glamorous.
WOMAN: 
And it's fat free, sugar free, too. 
I hope you like it there.
I didn't realize that we had a picnic.
Here. 
It's vanilla.
ALEX: 
Vanilla.
Okay.
WOMAN: 
Come, come. 
We're havin' a... picnic, darling.
Don't want to forget to put my underwear on. 
Really tragic.
FEMALE VOICE: 
We should find Alex. 
I don't wanna start this without Alex.
It's just gonna look bad and I, and I don't want it to look bad. 
I want, I want her to connect with us.
MALE VOICE: 
Didn't say a word.
She hardly said a word.
I mean, apart from the fact that it looks bad that he's not here. 
He's the only one that knows how to speak that obtuse language. 
I mean, I spoke to Bunny yesterday and he said this girl is so smart, she's so like speaks in another code.
FEMALE VOICE: 
The other thing is she may refuse to actually meet with us.
MALE VOICE: 
Emma?
Hi. 
How are you?
ALEX: 
Oh, this is an amazing, They're sugar free, fat free and everything free. 
I can't believe it isn't cake.
WOMAN: 
And you're telling the truth, not just saying it.
MALE VOICE: 
Yeah, I am.
FEMALE VOICE: 
No matter what we agree with, with, with Anna, we just support her, her philosophy and everything.
FEMALE VOICE: 
What they will do. 
We will do whatever she wants to do.
MALE VOICE:
Yeah.
FEMALE VOICE: 
She's fantastic.
MALE VOICE: 
Anna? 
Uh.
FEMALE VOICE: 
I thought it was beautiful.
MALE VOICE: 
Yeah. 
That's good. 
Save a lot of money, too. 
Which is, uh, makes us all happy.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Yeah. 
How are you?
MALE VOICE: 
Oh, I'm good, you know. 
Never stop.
Work, work, work.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Yeah.
WOMAN: 
But baby, It's dirty.
We just had sex there.
ALEX: 
Well, that's so much better now.
MALE VOICE: 
I'm callin' you guys up. 
It seems like we hadn't seen you in forever. 
But, uh, I, uh,
FEMALE VOICE: 
Pig.
MALE VOICE: - and, uh, he always hates,
MALE VOICE: 
I'd like to take a minute.
FEMALE VOICE: 
I like the things you do.
MALE VOICE: 
Uh, maybe I should just lay it out there. 
I, I, I've heard some talk, you know. 
I mean, um-
WOMAN: 
Do you remember you told me you were gonna give me that audition?
WOMAN: 
Did you get it?
MALE VOICE: 
I guess when Alex is on, you know, there's nobody better.
WOMAN: 
But you're the boss.
ALEX: 
Yeah. 
I am the boss.
WOMAN: 
How is your tea?
But you're the boss. 
You should be able to get it.
ALEX: 
I am able to get it.
WOMAN: 
Because I saw they're auditioning all these girls. 
You know,
I'm not asking you to give me the part, I just wanna know, would you please get me this audition? 
You with me or not?
MALE VOICE: 
The, the company is, is nothing like,
ALEX: 
I bought a house in Tuscany and, uh, I just moved there, you know?
MALE VOICE: 
That darn lifestyle.
ALEX: 
Would you have babies with me?
FEMALE VOICE: 
Alex? 
Alex?
MALE VOICE: 
I really think he needs to get it under control.
WOMAN: 
Alex. 
Oh, Alex.
You aren't really wanna have babies. 
But I can't have babies right now.
FEMALE VOICE: 
I'd really like to talk to you.
WOMAN: 
I, I'd love to do that, but I want to have a career first, you know?
ALEX: 
Of course, of course. 
So, um, FEMALE VOICE: 
But that would be my dream, baby, if I could have this career going and once it's going we could go to
Tuscany and have a baby, MALE VOICE: 
Yeah. 
Uh, we go back,
WOMAN: 
Have you seen Alex?
GUARD: 
No.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Yeah.
MALE VOICE: 
You look good. 
Are you workin' or you, You doing anything?
ALEX: 
I have a meeting. 
I gotta go, darling. 
I'm sorry.
WOMAN: 
Alex, you just got here.
ALEX: 
I can't get you an audition if I don't have a company to run. 
I have a company.
I've got to go to meetings. 
Where's my jacket?
FEMALE VOICE: 
You know what?
MALE VOICE: 
I know, FEMALE VOICE: 
Okay.
MALE VOICE: 
Okay.
MALE VOICE: 
Good to see ya. 
Bye.
WOMAN: 
I go through a lot of trouble to spend some time with you. 
Do you, I don't know if you realize how much trouble I go through and I bake you some cake and you can't just come in here and fuck me and just get out of it.
MALE VOICE: 
All right.
WOMAN: 
All right, what do you think you're, ALEX: 
Uh, it's a bit complicated right now.
WOMAN: 
What do you think it feels like?
ALEX: 
It's gonna be okay soon. 
It's gonna be okay soon.
WOMAN: 
You're just, are you playing with me?
I'm not a whore you know? 
You can't treat me like this.
ALEX: 
I know. 
I can't treat anybody like that.
WOMAN: 
Alex, your cake.
ALEX: 
Yeah.
ALEX: 
I loved it. 
It was a great cake.
WOMAN: 
What about my audition?
ALEX: 
Tomorrow. 
I'll plug ya. 
I'll call you this afternoon, okay?
FEMALE VOICE: 
Are you here for the audition?
FEMALE VOICE: 
Yeah.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Are you an actress?
FEMALE VOICE: 
Did you find the lead? 
Did you find the lead to your movie? 
Did you find her?
MALE VOICE: 
Out of this fucking,
FEMALE VOICE: 
Come on.
MALE VOICE: 
Wow. 
You are something else. 
Hi. 
I'm,
Lester Moore, film director.
WOMAN: 
Lester Moore. 
The Lester Moore?
MALE VOICE: 
Yeah. 
Yeah.
WOMAN: 
Oh, my God. 
Are you really Lester Moore?
MALE VOICE: 
Yeah. 
Oh, yeah, of course.
WOMAN: 
I am a huge fan. 
I am no, not. 
No shit now.
I am a huge fan.
You know, uh, I'm Mexican and your films are like really big in Mexico. 
Uh,
Uh,  Yo Grandpa ? 
It's like one of my favorite films. 
I've seen it a thousan...
Yeah,  Yo Grandpa !
YoGrandpa!
LESTER:  
Yo Grandpa .
FEMALE VOICE: 
Yeah  Yo Grandpa !
MALE VOICE: 
And, and, and, Who are you?
WOMAN: 
I am Rose and I'm an actress.
MALE VOICE: 
Rose. 
Uh, I have, one of these once in a lifetime feelings that, you,
MALE VOICE: 
I'm at Sally's.
LESTER: 
I am casting a movie right now for Louisiana, and I'm...
looking for a star.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Get outta here.
MALE VOICE: 
No. 
I swear to God. 
I swear to God. 
I swear.
WOMAN: 
Are you pulling my leg?
MALE VOICE: 
No, I'm not pulling your leg.
WOMAN: 
It would be very cruel if you were, you know. 
Because I am an actress and I'm a huge fan. 
I couldn't take it if you were kidding about that.
MALE VOICE: 
I would like you to read for me right now. 
Could you do that for me?
FEMALE VOICE: 
I'd love to!
MALE VOICE: 
Would you?
Come on.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Oh, Lester.
MALE VOICE: 
Come on.
FEMALE VOICE: 
I'd love to.
WOMAN: 
No, you, No, you don't know, You don't know what means to, MALE VOICE: 
No, no, you don't know what this means to me. 
I've been lookin' for somebody for five weeks and I saw you, the second I saw you, WOMAN: 
Oh, no. 
I've been looking for somebody all my life - MALE VOICE: 
- I knew you would be it.
WOMAN: - that would discover me, you know, because, uh, I always, MALE VOICE: 
Well, I, I am it and you are it and we will be it together.
And let's go right now.
WOMAN: 
Oh Lester!
Are you shitting me? 
Are, are you for real?
MALE VOICE: 
I am Lester
Moore. 
I am working at the Red Mullet Production Office and we're gonna go right now and we're gonna read you.
WOMAN: 
Okay.
LESTER: 
Okay? 
Come on.
WOMAN: 
Right. 
Um, can you give me one second?
Please don't go anywhere.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Oh, my God.
FEMALE VOICE: 
I, I just need to do something, FEMALE VOICE: 
Oh, my God.
Joey.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Don't you go anywhere.
JOEY: 
Uh-oh, uh-oh. 
We got we got friends. 
We got friends. (SHUTTERS CLICKING)
No, this isn't my...
I'm with...here, sorry.
MALE VOICE: 
Anna, I want you to meet a friend of mine.
MALE VOICE: 
Wait, wait, wait. 
Get back here for a second.
MALE VOICE: 
Emma Greene.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Oh.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Hello.
MALE VOICE: - wife. 
We're gonna go in and meet Alex in just a moment. 
You know, Anna, WOMAN: 
I have to stay longer because now I'm gonna be reading for the director. 
So it's gonna take me a little longer, baby. 
Maybe you wanna go home?
LAUREN: 
Who's the director?
WOMAN: 
The director is
Lester Moore.
LAUREN: 
Oh, my God.
WOMAN: 
He's big in Mexico.
MALE VOICE: 
Alex. 
We're going to meet Alex.
WOMAN: 
Yeah, that's him.
That's him. 
I'm reading for him right now. 
Baby,
I'm so excited. 
Oh, my God. 
I'm really nervous.
What if I fuckin' blow it? 
What if I fuckin' blow it?
Tell me that I'm good.
WOMAN: 
You're good.
WOMAN: 
Tell me that you love me.
WOMAN: 
I love you.
WOMAN: 
Tell me I can do it.
WOMAN: 
You can do it.
ALEX: 
Over there alone. 
I wanna get outta here.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Let me
FEMALE VOICE: 
Want me to call you a cab? 
I'd love to do that for you.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Bitch. 
Yes, honey, I'm the bitch.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Okay.
MALE VOICE: 
Yeah.
MALE VOICE: 
Yeah, you know, it's a little unprofessional, but okay,
I'll read, Now, this, this is a scene we're gonna do. 
And in the...
MALE VOICE: 
Valerie Falcon, daughter of
Vincent, the alligator skinner.
MALE VOICE: 
Exactly. 
And you have been Amanda, who was her best friend.
MALE VOICE: 
Who tragically died in a boating accident.
FEMALE VOICE: 
And you are
WOMAN: 
And you are Jason P. Wilson from Home, Louisiana.
MALE VOICE: 
I'm afraid so.
FEMALE VOICE: 
He's retiring.
FEMALE VOICE: 
And do you know who I really am?
MALE VOICE: 
You're
Valerie. 
Valerie Falcon, daughter of Vincent, the alligator skinner.
MALE VOICE: 
Rene, where'd we find, FEMALE VOICE: 
His office.
MALE VOICE: 
He's in his office.
MALE VOICE: 
Gimme a minute.
MALE VOICE: 
Because the truth will set you free.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Oh, yes, yes, I think I'm falling in love. 
Yes.
MALE VOICE: 
After all your lies, how do you even know who you are anymore?
FEMALE VOICE: 
Well, now that I found you, I do.
MALE VOICE: 
Tell me somebody, what's goin' on?
FEMALE VOICE: 
Oh, Jason, I'm just so, MALE VOICE: 
What's this?
ALEX: 
Oh, it's, uh...
MALE VOICE: 
Dusting the crayons?
MALE VOICE: 
We're in a meeting, man. 
We gotta be in a meeting in like two minutes. 
Everybody's here.
FEMALE VOICE: - and now that you're here, MALE VOICE: 
Well, just get in the office. 
Get in the office.
MALE VOICE: 
You weren't there this morning. 
You weren't at the screening for Lester, you know, I need you to do one thing, for us, all of us, and just get in the meeting.
MALE VOICE: 
Okay.
MALE VOICE: 
Come on, what's the matter? 
Can you do that?
ALEX: 
Can you please do this?
MALE VOICE: 
No, no, no, no. 
I'm doing for you all the time, man. 
I'm covering your ass and doing for you. 
You just do this for me. 
Do this for us. 
Just do it, what's the big fucking deal?
I don't care!
You're gonna get fired. 
I just want you in the meeting!
MALE VOICE: 
Would you, Hey, gimme my gun.
(STRUGGLING)
MALE VOICE: 
I just want you in the meeting. 
I just want you in the fucking meeting. 
Is that asking too much? 
It's the one fuckin' thing I want from you. 
Don't kill us.
Don't destroy us all.
Don't kill yourself either, man. 
Just, just get it together. 
You can do that. 
You can get it together. 
We'll put you in a little clinic, you can get all cleaned up for a little while. 
You'll be good as new. 
But do it after the day, okay?
ALEX: 
Yeah, I'm fine.
MALE VOICE: 
We'll get you cleaned up. 
We'll get you feeling as good as new.
Come here. 
Just go upstairs. 
Come on.
WOMAN: 
Do you know who I am?
MALE VOICE: 
You're Valerie. 
Valerie Falcon, daughter of Vincent, the alligator skinner.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Hate me,
MALE VOICE: 
Come on.
FEMALE VOICE: - after all that's happened?
MALE VOICE: 
No. 
Because I still see you for the innocent girl you were before that tragic boating accident.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Oh, my God,
Jason. 
It 
- It feels so good to unburden myself.
MALE VOICE: 
The truth will set you free.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Mmm, yes, dear.
MALE VOICE: - a minute ago. 
They're in the lobby.
MALE VOICE: 
I think I'm falling in love with you all over again.
MALE VOICE: - me all the time, Valerie. 
And after all your lies, do you even know who you are anymore?
FEMALE VOICE: 
Listen to me. 
Listen to me. 
Now that I found you, I don't...
MALE VOICE: 
I've never stopped loving you.
MALE VOICE: 
Is that right?
FEMALE VOICE: 
Oh, Jason.
Oh, Jason.
MALE VOICE: 
And here she is.
MALE VOICE: 
Anna Powells.
ANNA: 
Joey Zee, my partner.
MALE VOICE: 
And, uh, Alex, did you -
MALE VOICE: 
Well, if you haven't heard it, Joey Zee, Walk Don't Run, you've been livin' under a rock.
MALE VOICE: 
Walk Don't
Run, they're, they're gonna play together and, uh, he's gonna, he's gonna help her out with the pitch.
MALE VOICE: 
Yeah.
MALE VOICE: 
Joey's here to accompany Anna's pitch and, uh, we're lucky to have 'em both, so happy to be here.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Wow.
MALE VOICE: 
Welcome to the Red Mullet.
ANNA: 
Thank you.
FEMALE VOICE: 
He told me to...
MALE VOICE: 
Yeah. 
Joe, why don't you set up here?
FEMALE VOICE: 
All right.
Cool.
MALE VOICE: 
Do you think that's fine?
FEMALE VOICE: 
Sit here.
FEMALE VOICE: - waitressing, cocktail waitressing. 
Such bad calluses on my feet.
MALE VOICE: 
You need help with something there?
MALE VOICE: 
No. 
I think we,
FEMALE VOICE: 
I'm gonna paraphrase a little bit, all right?
MALE VOICE: 
I love what you're doing, FEMALE VOICE: 
Because I need, Okay. 
Listen.
Okay. 
Here we go.
MALE VOICE: 
Can we introduce ourselves? 
Rene. 
Tell a little about yourself.
FEMALE VOICE: 
I'm Rene.
I'm Rene Fishbein. 
I'm - I'm one of the co-founders of the company.
MALE VOICE: 
Hi I'm Dan Fetcher I'm, uh, executive in charge of comedy acquisition and development and, uh, and company morale. 
Welcome.
MALE VOICE: 
And Adam Wand, once again, another one of the co-founders, and Alex Greene.
ALEX: 
Hi.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Hi. 
I'm, uh, Frank Connie, um, Connie Lane, and, uh,
MALE VOICE: 
What?
FEMALE VOICE: 
Connie.
Connie Lane. 
And I'm, uh
MALE VOICE: 
Oh, I'm sorry.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Uh, I'm the V.P. of professional development.
Thanks for coming.
FEMALE VOICE: 
I'm 
- I'm, uh, I'm Alex Richardson and, um, also an executive producer. 
I'm in charge of the urban hip-hop movie sort of bringing in a sort of black film noire. 
Cultural awareness.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Good for you.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Thank you for being here.
MALE VOICE: 
We're having auditions for another film, so it's a little, it's a little, MALE VOICE: 
You done out there?
MALE VOICE: 
It's a little goofy.
MALE VOICE: 
Off to the set.
Gotta see it. 
Gotta see it.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Oh, Jason.
Oh, Jason. 
Oh, Jason.
MALE VOICE: 
Speaking with Anna earlier today, she said if she could make her film here at Red Mullet, nothing would make her happier and I know that's the same way that you feel.
MALE VOICE: 
The feeling is collectively mutual.
MALE VOICE: 
Yeah.
MALE VOICE: 
Very good. 
Um, a number of clients I've had, FEMALE VOICE: 
Uh, you want some coffee?
MALE VOICE: - all have had had terrific experiences.
So armed with nothing more than a digital camera and an incredible vision and the sounds of Joey, Joey Zee, I think, uh, Anna's prepared to drag us all kicking and screaming into the next, FEMALE VOICE: 
Watch out!
Watch out! 
Everybody hang on! 
Hang on!
MALE VOICE: 
Take it easy.
MALE VOICE: 
What's going on?
FEMALE VOICE: 
Fucking earthquakes!
LAUREN: 
Whoa.
FEMALE VOICE: 
It's okay.
WOMAN: 
You all right?
MALE VOICE: 
Oh.
MALE VOICE: 
It's okay.
FEMALE VOICE: - care about right now.
MALE VOICE: 
Is he all right?
FEMALE VOICE: 
Yes.
FEMALE VOICE: 
All right.
Everything's okay.
FEMALE VOICE: 
I don't think, I'm, I'm gonna go outside.
FEMALE VOICE: 
Oh. 
Let's
Let's go.
(DRONEY OPERATIC MUSIC)
MALE VOICE: 
Yeah, go - go get Alex.
FEMALE VOICE: 
I was gonna,
MALE VOICE: 
Go get Alex.
JOE( RAPPING):
Twentymillion Russians,notenoughfor  bread.
How'sthatgonnahelp  youwithabulletinyour head?
I don'tmeanto preach,butIknowthat 
I'mright,whenIsayto youthatyou'reway too  uptight.
Diggy-diggy.
Trotskyinthehouse.
Diggy-diggy.
I let himinmy house.
Diggy-diggy.
That'showI makemylife,stayingout toolate,lyinginhis bedhewassofull of hate.
I don'tmeanto preach,butIknowthat 
I'mright.
Theworld changedforeveron that weird,crazynight.
Adiggy-diggy.
Trotskyinthe house,diggy-diggy.
Ilet  himinthehouse,
Diggy-diggy.
Diggy-diggy, makelove,notwar , diggy-diggy.
Peace.
FEMALE VOICE: 
My film has the necessity. 
The urge to go beyond the paradigm of collage.
Montage has created a fake reality.
Technology has arrived. 
Digital video has arrived. 
And is demanding new expressions, new sensations.
As Martin Gropius once said that in the first Bauhaus exhibition:
art, technology - a new unity.
We are in nineteen ninety-nine, so it's time to say again, art, technology, a new, new unity.
Eisenstein and Bertrand...
Being influenced by the Russian formalism, with its theory of the strangeness, the isolation of a word within a poem. 
Of course, we are talking about cinema, so it would be the isolation of an image.
The isolation of a take.
They create it. 
The soul can't. 
Soviet Montage. 
The discontinuity in editing.
At that time, that was a vanguard.
It's not that anymore.
The capitalistic system that we are living in has absorbed all the innovations, all the vanguards.
It's time to move forward, to move beyond. 
It's time to think in terms of matter.
Matter to send, to receive, to organize.
Everything that exists is matter.
MALE VOICE: 
Leave it to the Empire.
At the end, is it this?
With the same purpose as Empire, are you going to threaten me so that you can give my work away to Empire?
All I need is getting my money.
That's why please make your decision.
It's whether by giving them "Kyeongsung's Morning," paying me back, or... give me your hand as you promised.
KingofDramas Preview Episode 10
Whereintheworldisthatgateandthebag?
! 
We don't have no time.
No!
No!
One more time Hyun Min.
One more time for the last time, okay?
Cut!
You can't be shaking like that.
Cut!
WHATISTHATPOOPYDOG? 
You were really cool today.
Was I really that cool?
Like Brad Pitt?
Representative!
Representative!
Look here, Miss Lee Go Eun.
It'sdefinitelywrongtoplagiarizeandstealsomeone else'swork.
Whatdoyoumeanbystealing?
Iamnotthatkind ofwriterwhowouldplagiarizeinorderto succeed. 
Iwillneverallowyour dramatobeaired.
RepresentativeKim,yourstrongwill this time ... isitbecauseyou trustWriterLeeGo Eun ?
IthoughtIknewalot about you,but... 
Everyonechanges.
IsthatchangemadebecauseofWriter LeeGoEun?
Areyoutellingmetoreviseallofthisrightnow? 
Ifyoudon'twanttobe known asanwriterwhoplagiarize.

John Thomson and Simon Day have been friends for over 20 years...
Oh, that is gorgeous!
..ever since they rose to fame as part of The Fast Show in the early '90s.
What I always wanted to do was to build a robot that thinks like a human.
You mean it can't always make up its mind? 
No.
Now these two comedians with soft hands are about to embark on a very different journey.
It's a bit Curiosity Killed The Cat!
For three weeks they'll learn the ways of the gaucho in Argentina, the rugged cowboy, national icon, symbol of freedom and courage.
Whoa! 
I thought stand-up was terrifying until I saw this.
This is a manly man's world.
I am going to moisturise.
It will be a secret.
As novice riders, they'll be the greenest gauchos Argentina has ever seen.
We look like security guards at a Basque separatists' rally.
The journey from city slicker to macho gaucho will be testing...
Right, honesty time - this is becoming hellish.
..and not without peril... ..as two friends, two amigos, attempt to find the gaucho within.
# Short of leg and large of head
# Brave of heart and kind of soul
# John Thomson will meet his goal
# To ride a little horse. #
THEY LAUGH
John and Simon leave for Argentina in a matter of days, so an introduction to riding seems like a good idea.
Especially as they're not natural horsemen.
My experience of horse riding is donkeys on
Blackheath Common around 1971.
I grew up quite rurally, outside of Preston, and there was a riding school, spitting distance from my house, so I learned to ride as a child and got as far as canter.
So I can... 
Is that a place?
No...
Did you wear jodhpurs?
Don't remember wearing jodhpurs, I remember wearing maybe a pair of brown flares, because it was the 1970s, of course.
You must have looked lovely.
Are you holding the stirrup?
Yeah, left foot into the stirrup,
OK, right hand on the back of the saddle, at the side.
They're old buddies, they went to Florida many moons ago, so for them, I think it's nice for them just to be kind of riding off into the sunset as old men.
SHE LAUGHS
Shall I press play?
Yeah, OK.
John and Simon have travelled together before, 20 years ago.
Turn it up.
Do they getting resounding thumbs down from us or what?
I think they do, John.
Am I smoking?
! 
I can't believe it!
I'm having a fag at the hotel.
This is early '90s, John and I went to Florida on holiday when we were poverty stricken actors, or I was.
I had been to America before, but I hadn't been with a mate.
We were single, weren't we?
The idea was to meet ladies as well, but...
Nah, we just talked to each other.
Well, do you know what our theme song was on this holiday after we realised that the lady situation wasn't going to happen?
It was You're Never Gonna Get It.
Such a good holiday though - we were free spirits...very lonely!
Our relationship is exactly the same as when we met, it's not really altered.
I think essentially, he makes me laugh and very few people make me laugh.
I am here with Roger Moore, English film star, in some undergrowth at the Wet 'n' Wild theme park in Orlando.
Mr Moore, are you enjoying yourself here today?
AS ROGER MOORE: 
It's exceptional.
I enjoyed every minute of it.
The slides were exuberant and thrilling.
But I do take exception to being called "dude".
THEY LAUGH
Hi, this is Ted down the car lot at the resort hotel - let's rock!
This is Simon's driving lesson.
No license, but I let him drive anyway.
This is wicked.
We're very good for each other, as far as keeping each other's spirits up.
We're like a married couple.
Look at that, we were snogging at this point...
It begs the question...
has time been kind?
Well, it's slightly odd, some bits I remember and some bits I don't.
We didn't have a care in the world, we didn't have a worry in the world then.
Today, John and Simon are both married with children, embroiled in the responsibilities of family life.
Conversations revolve around, "Did you get the milk?" "Yeah."
"What, blue or green?" "Blue." "What size?"
You know, you've got family, do all those things you never thought you'd do,
I've got two small children who are more selfish than me and more childish than me, and no matter how pathetic I want to be, you can't do it with your own kids, you can't behave like that.
But for three weeks, they're going to escape the pressures of modern-day life and reconnect with the free spirits they once were, in Argentina, land of the gaucho, land of the free-range man.
The poncho of freedom.
Hell, yeah, I want to go there!
Just sit quietly...
To get back that carefree man I was.
To really relax, just for a little bit.
It's a chance to get away from the creeping bindweed of technology - unplugging yourself, no iPad, no iPhone.
You won't see gauchos sitting down, watching Morse with eight cats on them, eating chocolates.
The cowboy alpha male thing.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still quite macho, but I don't really buy into the, "Woaarrgghh!"
I would love him to come back as a real rough and ready... yeah, South American, who will just pick me up on his shoulders and, you know, "Grr! 
Come on!"
My wife has been actually quite, er, "You do that."
And trot on.
He's going to Argentina, doing this cowboy thing, and he's riding horses and farting, like cowboys do.
He's not an outdoors type of guy.
He likes his manicures and he likes his pedicures, he likes his eyelash tints, he likes his facials.
..keeping that lower leg underneath you.
Ha-ha, Jesus and Mary!
I don't know how good he is at roughing it though, and he doesn't like bugs and, you know, mosquito bites, that sort of thing, does he?
Obviously, I am on camera and I'll be trying to fight.
With the family, I'd be going, "Oh, I've got a mosquito bite, oh, I'm chafing, oh, it's so hot,
"oh, it's too cold!" But on camera, I'll be trying to behave like Clint Eastwood.
It will be interesting to see how long that veneer lasts until it starts to crack.
Just a little up, down, up, down...
Maybe he will act like a cowboy, but in a real life, he's not a cowboy.
I hope all the wild animals don't come into his tent and eat all his food.
And he's pretty funny, so I don't know if cowboys are funny or not.
POSH VOICE: 
Well, I can't afford both of them.
I'd very much like to buy this one for my daughter, and if this chap could come along in a two-in-one deal, that would be marvellous.
This is a lady too.
Ah, of course she is...
Any worries about going away for three weeks to Argentina?
Maybe a wild horse throwing me, being gored, maybe, disembowelled by a steer's horns, or falling off a horse and being paralysed for life, really, that's the worst.
Glad I brought it up(!
)
For 300 years, Argentina's cowboys - gauchos - have tended livestock across this vast country.
From the tropics of the North to the mighty Andes Mountains in the South.
These colourful and nomadic horsemen encapsulate the rugged spirit of every boyhood dream.
It's here that John and Simon will taste the freedom of the traditional gaucho way of life.
But first, they arrive in the capital, Buenos Aires - known as the Paris of South America.
See, these streets are all the same.
Little gems hidden away.
Look, there's a lovely little fruit stall. 
That looks nice.
Shiny apple, conference pear.
There's a very handsome boy there with silky blue shorts on.
Simon, you sound like Noel Coward.
How do you speak Noel Coward?
PLUMMY ACCENT: 
Noel Coward?
There is a very handsome boy...
I believe he spoke very quickly...
You've got how many years on me?
Five?
How old am I? 
I am 51.
Are you 51? 
52 in May.
You've got seven years on me.
So iconic is the gaucho in Argentina that Buenos Aires, with nary a cow in sight, has many high-end shops where rich cosmopolitans can at least dress like a gaucho.
This would be over £100 sterling, about £120 sterling, so...
With gaucho training imminent,
John's need for a good pair of boots is legit.
How can I help you?
Er, in England, seven and a half.
Over here, that's a 44.
And very high instep.
Of course, I brought my own Hermes saddle with me on the plane, which I bought in the '90s, and I have been waxing it.
I refused to sell it, although I lost everything else.
Finally come in handy!
Ah, yes!
These are the ones - all ready for panto!
Over three weeks, our gauchos-to-be will first get a training crash course in the northern Corrientes province, before heading 1,500 miles south to the region of Patagonia, where they'll join traditional gauchos on a real cattle drive -
bringing 200 cattle down a mountain pass, 50 miles of riding over three days and nights.
But for today, their simple task is to get an hour's drive out of the capital, for a local gaucho festival.
We're going to Pilar, which is a suburb of Buenos Aires, BA.
It's not that difficult, we're in Recoleta, we go through Barrio Norte, above Palermo, past the zoo.
I know it's a zoo, because there's a picture of a lion, the universal sign of the zoo.
A lion.
Airport is to the right - we're not going there, are we?
This is the section of the film my mum would enjoy the most.
"Oh, God, he's navigating!"
"Ohh, I felt sorry for John then."
Even though we've got huge landmarks left and right,
I have absolutely no idea where we are.
Right, I'll give you an idea.
Look for a road.
You see, there's a signpost there, like in New York.
The cross sections.
It's similar to New York, it's a grid system.
I got lost there too.
I got lost there with you once, didn't I?
The way they drive here - they don't even indicate!
What you doing!
?
Oh, sh...!
Come on. 
You're all right, go.
Are you all right?
He's going to go on the inside too, what nutcases!
You can see why I didn't volunteer to drive, can't you?
We would be dead by now.
DISCO MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO
Not a bad system, is it?
19... what year?
# ..smoking mountains, nothing new... #
I think it's... 
Yes?
# ..to the mountaintop... # '82?
Yes!
THEY LAUGH
MUSIC: "Walking on Sunshine" by Rockers Revenge
# Uhhh... #
It's like that, isn't it?
# Uh-h-h-h!
#
# We work until it's time to stop
# Oh, baby
# You're mine, you're mine, you're
# Walking on sunshine... #
Turn it off, here's the toll.
How much is it? 
12.
They will tell you.
Gracias.
There must be a film somewhere...
An independent film about a guy having a relationship with someone who works in a toll booth.
Can you imagine?
Brilliant idea, Simon! 
Yeah.
Italian film, every day, "Hello!"
So they drive around?
No, it slowly builds and one day there is an accident or whatever and they fall in love.
The next day he goes back and she's been fired.
There's an old bloke in there.
She's not there any more.
Yes, he starts asking and all the traffic's building up.
"Where is the lady?" he's screaming.
We'd go to America and they'd say yes. 
London - no.
No, I love it. 
Toll booth romance.
Toll booth romance.
I bet it's been done.
"Aah, we gotta couple of toll booth romance films
"in production already, get outta here!"
Surely we should be there by now.
There you go, Pilar. 
Hey-y-y!
For one day a year, over 10,000 gauchos and gaucho fans come together.
By horse - or by car - they travel from all over Argentina.
They look fantastic.
They've all got their colours on - they're like jockeys.
They're here to promote their traditional culture, which stretches back to its heyday in the 19th century, when 200,000 gauchos roamed free, taming wild horses, hunting and gathering cattle.
As the land was carved up into huge estancias or ranches, they became hired hands and their numbers began to decline.
Today, there are only 20,000 working gauchos, so the festival's a great place to wave a flag for their heritage, and a good excuse for everyone else to have a picnic.
John and Simon are joined by Gloria, who'll be on hand to translate for them whenever needed.
And to help them buy sausages.
How do you buy it, Gloria?
SHE SPEAKS SPANISH
That's incredible.
The man to know here is Carlos Beretta.
This is Carlos, which is the voice of the parade.
Muchas gracias.
Several hours of parading leaves plenty of time for shopping.
It suits you like this.
Back off a bit.
There's a mirror, isn't there?
It's a bit Curiosity Killed The Cat!
I seem to remember Lisa Stansfield wearing one of them in the '80s.
I don't look anything like a gaucho, do I? 
No.
ANNOUNCEMENTS IN SPANISH OVER PA
What are these? 
Just for decoration?
No, those are boleadoras.
Oh, for the... 
Exactly.
Are they called bolos?
Boleadoras.
That's the hardest thing to learn, isn't it?
You throw it like this, to hit it on the temple?
Yeah, exactly.
These ones are very beautiful, because they are marble made.
Shopping over, it's time for John and Simon to watch some serious gaucho sport, in a traditional competition called La Doma.
BELL RINGS
COMMENTARY IN SPANISH OVER PA
The skills of Doma are part of the horse taming process - everyday work for the gaucho, but in competitions like this they use the most aggressive wild horses.
Stay within the bells, one bell rings, you stay on the horse, the bell rings, you stayed in.
Some of the best riders in the world are here, competing for big cash prizes.
But there's a very obvious down side.
APPLAUSE
In his eye?
His eye socket.
Extraordinary - it's the most exciting thing I have seen live.
I thought stand-up was terrifying until I saw this.
The way the horse literally gets on his hind legs, and goes back... 
It's unbelievable!
It was quite incredible.
Unbelievable! 
The guts!
They are only young kids as well who are doing it, generally.
The guts they must have to get up there. 
Simon said to me, how much?
I said, a million!
There was one, he rode it and as he came past,
I threw my boxer shorts at him and he caught them in his teeth.
He wrung them out and gave them to his father.
It was quite emotional.
Bono estente!
KNOCK ON DOOR Security!
Morning, mate. 
Funny night.
Mozzie went like "bzzzz" in my ear and I got paranoid, so I started chasing it around the room.
I didn't get it.
John, give us the Mick Jagger.
We've got a new...
The Mick Jagger move.
Celebrity mosquito catching.
Mosquitoes are becoming a slight problem, so we've got the Mick... the Mick Jagger... 'Ere!
..catch the mozzie move!
There's one.
'Ere!
We have in front of us a ten-hour drive.
That's with stops, not continuous, so it's a bit of a road trip today, bit of a slog.
It's quite exciting using a map again.
I do find that often, sat nav can fill you with fear.
Simon's map reading can't.
It's a drive of 350 miles from Pilar to their training ranch at Esquina, in the northern region of Corrientes.
Gracias.
Gracias!
You can be the keeper of the...
Si!
We are off to Esquina, to the...
Corrientes province.
Yes, where we will meet the gauchos and start our training.
Our wonderful fixer, Gloria, who is a native of Argentina, she was telling us last night about the giant wasps.
She said, "They don't sting, they take a bite out of you."
Yeah, the double whammy.
My main concern is mosquitoes.
But once we get on the horses, our main concern is staying alive.
John and Simon pass through the vast area of Las Pampas, traditionally the gauchos' heartland, where for centuries they produced the finest beef cattle in the world.
But in recent decades, wealthy industrial farmers have grown soya to raise their cattle in huge feedlots, squeezing out the skilful gauchos.
Are you drifting? 
No, I'm just enjoying it. 
No, he is.
It's difficult to know whether to drift.
As the light begins to fade, they're well behind schedule, still 180 miles from the ranch.
John's driving shift is over, so it's time for Simon to take the wheel - a man who only passed his test in his mid-40s.
Right-hand side of the road, yeah?
Yeah, it's just the first thing.
First rule.
Are you ready?
I don't know.
One problem I have is the key knocks against my knee.
You have that problem?
No, I'm short of leg.
# Short of leg and large of head
# Brave of heart and kind of soul
# John Thomson will meet his goal
# To ride a little horse. #
THEY LAUGH
Freestyler!
And you're off.
I'm rolling.
Now, when I hit my clipboard, Mr Day...
OK, little update for everybody.
We have decided to come on a road that is in terrible disrepair with the biggest potholes.
I mean, like axle-cracking pot holes.
"Axle-Crackin' Potholes!" There's one. 
A little one.
You will witness one in a minute.
So, we are a little bit up against it, because it's gonna go dark here.
And when it goes dark along here, there is absolutely no street lighting.
RUMBLING AND RATTLING
BLEEP!
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
It was like a shallow grave, not just a pothole!
There's many bad holes around where we live.
Apparently it's something to do with the ice and snow.
BLEEP sake!
Did you not see them?
There's one!
How are you feeling, John?
Ooh!
OK, sorry.
We are all right, I think.
You turned the engine off, mid driving...?
No, I knocked it with my thing - my knee. 
I know...
What am I supposed to do?
My knee is right on the key.
Overtaking, as it gets dark, is not something I'm particularly going to...
Come over a bit, you're on the rough bit.
It's like you when we were driving into the gaucho place.
Don't answer back!
Oh, no? 
Sorry!
RUMBLING AND RATTLING
I'm gonna knock you out of this BLEEP car if you do that one more time.
DEEP VOICE: 
You will have to pass before the sun goes down, my friend.
Ha-ha, stay on the road.
Very dangerous out there.
You don't know.
You don't speak the language.
Biblical clouds out here.
Amazing.
Nice bit of low sun coming from the left.
Ooooh. 
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ha-ha, sorry about that.
As the evening grows darker, the road gets smaller.
And by 10pm, a full 12 hours after they left, it's pitch black and hardly a road at all.
Finally, they reach the gates of La Pelada, their home for the next five days.
It's really lovely.
Spanish style.
That has to be one of the longest drives 
- I mean, driveways.
Would you show us to our rooms, please?
Yes. 
Our room.
Simon, he wants it to be quite sparse and monasterial.
Yeah, I want whitewashed floors, two very small twin beds, crucifix, that's it.
There's our room, look, I told you.
Come have a look in here.
That might not be yours.
I told you what the room would be like. 
I predicted it.
Look!
That is spooky.
I didn't see it!
That is a bit spooky.
Now, this is probably too big for me, this bed.
Good night, John.
JOHN LAUGHS
Estancia La Pelada, on the banks of the Corrientes River, is a working farm of 5,000 hectares, deep within the campo, the countryside.
A dozen gauchos work here, taming and training wild horses, and tending over 6,000 head of cattle.
The head honcho is Dario Gallardo, and today he has two fresh recruits to introduce.
Apparently the only way to bond with new gaucho chums is a hot cup of mate.
Made from a plant a bit like holly, it's not just a drink, it's a ritual.
It's OK.
Yeah. 
It's like a very stewed tea.
It's a vitamin supplement... ..for a meat-heavy diet.
Maybe later, you will decide to stop giving us mate.
Before their training can begin,
John and Simon need some authentic gaucho kit, so a drive into town is the first job of the day.
He says the Creole are real horses.
My mother's family are from the countryside, so I used to go every weekend.
Not like this.
Country, but not like this.
I grew up around small villages, which were mainly agricultural.
You're very good with a plough, aren't you?
Just a one-man plough.
With a yoke.
In Esquina, Dario knows just place to get John and Simon kitted out.
Yes.
Blue?
Multi bene. 
Perfecto!
Bueno? 
Bueno.
It's good?
There you go.
Gracias, perfecto!
This is like Mr Benn!
Mr Benn. 
And as if by magic, a gaucho appeared!
Aaah.
Tight, it's tight.
Oi-oi-oi.
Where's the old mirror?
Let's have a look.
Are these neckerchiefs?
Do you get a woggle?
Porta panuelo.
Porta paniolo?
Panuelo.
Paniolio?
Pan-uel-o!
Panuelo! 
Porta panuelo!
This, in England, is for the Cub Scouts, this porta...
Porta panuelo.
Porta panuelo...
is called a "woggle". 
A woggle.
Oh, it's quite Catholic, John, I like it.
You're sitting by a church in Northern Spain.
# Ay-ay-ay-aaay-y-y-y-y! 
#
Back at the estancia, our gauchos-to-be gather themselves for their first training session.
As novice riders, they've got some extra kit.
This is a... 
Standard issue...
BETA approved....
British...
Equine...
Travel...
You all right?
Do you need some help?
Just zip me up.
Sure this is open?
I can do it.
Just hold me neckerchief.
I'll hold it, you do it.
Don't tickle me!
That's it. 
Done. 
There you go.
Right, well, I lost mine last night in a game of cards, so I will just have to wear a cardigan.
Do you want John to hold your woggle? 
No.
INAUDIBLE CHATTER
Good, that's it.
Done yours? 
That's why you couldn't get yours on, it's already done up!
We look like sort of security guards at a Basque separatist rally.
Undercover. 
Some kind of like, er...
Vatican protection league for the Pope.
No comprende. 
No, no!
No entrada. 
No! 
Salida!
Si! 
See, I'm learning a bit.
It's absolutely perfect weather conditions.
A light breeze.
I'd say it's about 19, maybe 18½...
Um, for me, I can only speak for myself.
They head for the corral, where Dario's horses are prepared for the working day.
That's yours.
Hi!
TONGUE CLICKS
This is where it all begins, viewers.
This is where we begin our training.
We've got about four or five days training, but we won't need more than two or four hours a day tops and then we go on a cattle drive.
Full-on Bonanza. 
Embedded in over 600,000 head of cattle.
Sweeping down across the Pampas.
Dario... 
Yeah.
..he is the handsome leader.
He used to be special forces.
He's a Gaucho paramilitary.
I tell you what he is..
He's really cool.
He's one for the ladies, isn't he? 
Oh, absolutely!
It's good, because we're not...
We're not that easy on the eye.
Not...not any more.
No. 
There was a time.
Hola!
Si? 
Si. 
Si.
Ah!
We now have to take off our Gaucho, er, berets and put on these...
Off we go. ..because of BBC safety regulations, which is a shame.
Which we find would probably...
I don't think the locals really think it's a bit... 
Let the comedy commence! 
I think the locals think we're a couple of nellies, but we've no choice.
What's his name?
They have 150 horses, so...
HE LAUGHS
Perfect.
Unbelievably responsive.
It takes a full year to train a wild horse into a working animal.
One fit for a gaucho...
of any ability!
Compared to English horses, it's like the difference between a push-bike and a Porsche.
It's like that! 
I know!
It's like a pen! 
That was the most difficult... 
It's like using a pen!
It's just like...
Incredible!
OK? 
He's relaxed?
Yeah! 
The horse. 
Yeah.
OK...
CLICKS TONGUE
Yeah, OK? 
Yes.
Come on, John.
JOHN CLICKS HIS TONGUE
OK, John? 
Go on.
Amazing. 
Incredible, innit? 
Yeah.
Relax. 
Huh? 
Sorry.
JOHN LAUGHS
Come.
OK?
The Teapot Express(!
)
'The horses, because they don't live in small little stables 'and travel around in little horse boxes, and they live free, 'they have a totally different personality.'
'They're amazing.
'There's something to be said for kind of free-range.'
Oi, oi! 
Oi, oi!
Taking your eye off the ball, that's the worrying...
As John said, it became so easy, until something happens, and then you see how good you are as a rider, isn't it?
Until John goes like that with one of those saplings and it goes "Whoa-tish!" Whip? 
Ha!
'It's an idyllic setting, but here nature is up close 'and can get personal, 'especially the mosquitoes.'
What's happened? 
I've been absolutely eaten alive in there.
I think this arm's bad.
I think... 
Can you see?
And then, the other one here.
Be kind when you edit this.
I'm a shadow of my former self.
I thoroughly enjoyed today. 
Totally different from English horse riding and you just do this - left, right, that's it.
Left, right, stop.
And then, there's a kind of move that we can make it reverse a bit.
I'm loving the horse work, but I can't believe something so small could potentially ruin this whole trip.
Next morning, and after John and Simon have made themselves less delicious to the mosquitoes, it's time for breakfast...
..and more mate with Dario and his right-hand man Gaston.
It's also a chance for gauchos to compare their most important tool - their facon, their knife, handed down from generation to generation.
Or, in John's case, bought for £3.50.
Rites of passage!
LAUGHTER
Before today's riding lesson,
Dario takes his students on a short cultural outing.
Do gauchos ever go on a holiday abroad?
Do they ever travel to another country?
Gauchos are folk heroes in Argentina.
Even in a country that's predominantly Catholic, there are many roadside shrines dedicated to one in particular.
Born and bred here in Corrientes in the 1840s 
- Gauchito Gil.
He's saying thank you and was asking, er... for work, health, food and protection for the family.
I'm going to pray.
I just said no more mozzies, please.
And I've noticed, since we started filming, you know,
Will, you were attacked, weren't you? 
Quite severely in the eye. 
Yes.
I said, "Please, Gaucho Gil..." "H-il!" sorry, Gaucho H-il,
"Gauchito H-il, no more mozzies," and since we've stopped... since I said that, you haven't been bothered?
I haven't.
Have you been bothered again?
Have you?
You're not... 
Because I haven't asked anything. 
Keep the faith!
Come on, come on!
Live it, breathe it!
MOOING
Argentina is the third largest exporter of beef in the world, and gauchos still manage 55 million head of cattle.
Herding is their stock-in-trade, and that's the lesson today.
With extra spice provided by the lagoon, full of caiman - a type of crocodile - and piranhas.
Crocodiles, piranhas. 
Mm-hm.
Um, these are two animals that were not mentioned to us when we agreed to do this trip.
Not at all. 
No, not at all.
OK. 
OK, si. 
OK. 
Perfect!
HE SPEAKS SPANISH
Amazing!
Wey-hey!
'It was unbelievable.
It was a very freeing experience.
'I thoroughly enjoyed it and really started to get the hang of it.
'The saddles are so comfortable, the horses are so responsive.
'We're both very pleased.'
Doesn't get much better than that, like a real-life Marlboro advert, without the fags.
I was getting the loose ones at the end and everything.
They're just great horses.
It's as easy as... falling off a horse, as they say, but... obviously, you know, the gauchos did all the proper...
If it was just been us,
I think you would've seen quite a different result.
We probably would've got one each.
Training's gone well, but in two days' time, there's a real job to be done.
It's one of the biggest days of the year for Dario and his team - rounding up 300 calves and loading them onto trucks bound for market.
I would imagine he's a very good boss to work with. 
There is nothing he ever does that discourages you, he doesn't kind of go, "Oh...why?
!"
There's no negativity, there's no kind of...
He wants you to do well and he constantly reinforces that, so you're always getting that reinforcement from him that makes you want to do well.
It's like Brian Clough, but nicer.
The players who played for Brian Clough wanted to play for him.
They wanted to achieve things for him.
I said, um, "Do they go on holiday?"
And they said, no, they don't.
They're quite happy here.
And they're not aspirational, so they're very content and they've got a great gratitude for what they have, which is very simple.
Which is a kind of very Zen, Buddhist kind of approach.
So they're kind of at one with nature, and they love their work.
They don't even go to the pictures, I don't think.
Well, you don't imagine he goes to the pictures.
He did ask me whether the new Muppet film's any good.
JOHN LAUGHS
I said I haven't seen it.
He took me aside, he said, "Ride with me."
I rode with him for about 100 miles until I was literally dead tired.
I mean, I fell off the horse and he bathed me, then started asking me about the second Muppet film.
I'm starting to ease into this kind of, you know, manana relaxed kind of state of being in, it's kind of very nice.
You know, I think it's a great way to live, you know.
You just need a bit of company, shelter and food...
And ride like the wind.
And ride like the wind, yeah.
TORRENTIAL RAINFALL
The ranch is on the edge of a sub-tropical zone, so, when it rains hard, gaucho school is out.
The teacher kicks back and the students do too.
HE CHATTERS IN SPANISH
HE EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH Si! 
Deflectos!
Ah, mucho fruitos!
Ay-eh!
'Gaucho boys learn the vital skill of lassoing 'as soon as they can walk.
'John and Simon did not.'
I'd stand back, if I were you.
Oi... 
Oh, aye-up.
The wrist?
LAUGHTER
Unlucky.
Yes! 
You've done it!
'Having caught a large stick, they graduate to the next pen.
'Here, the targets are moving.'
Ooh! 
Sorry, John!
DARIO SHOUTS You all right?
Come on, they're sitting ducks there!
WHISTLING
'It's a good introduction to the lasso, 'but when used for real, there are many more factors to consider.'
That's yours.
'Elevenses at La Pelada.'
Hot!
LAUGHTER
Tea and biscuits are replaced by yet more mate and the local delicacy - deep-fried piranha, plentiful in the nearby Corrientes River.
I tell you what. 
That's all right.
It's not a fishy fish.
You know, some people go,
"Oh, it's a bit fishy," but it's kind of soft. 
Yeah. 
Mmm!
In a bid to repay the hospitality of their hosts,
John and Simon have offered to cook this evening, their last night at La Pelada.
But as they head for the shops, the hard week of training seems to be taking its toll.
I'll make a spag bol, all right?
You know what you're doing?
What do you think?
I don't know, I'm asking you!
By the time they reach the supermarket, the air is thick with some rather un-gaucho-like tension.
I'd go for chopped fresh tomatoes...
You're doing the pudding, aren't you?
Yeah. 
But you want to just buy your own ingredients? 
Yeah.
You don't want me to interfere?
I'll buy the ingredients.
You buy the pudding. 
If something's missing, can I suggest it?
Yes, you can. 
Thank you.
I'm sure you will.
Do you have stock? 
Beef stock?
Good point. 
Do we have beef stock?
We will need bouillon.
I don't put bouillon in my spag bol.
My wife does, she puts an Oxo cube in, but I don't.
I, er... 
I just use the meat and the bacon and the wine.
You might do in an English spag bol, mate. 
What?
Nothing. 
My recipe.
If you want me to do the crumble,
I will. 
You should leave it to me.
Leave it to you!
Italians don't put Oxo in their ragu, and they certainly don't put red peppers in it.
'There was a misunderstanding about this dinner thing. 
I was trying' to make some suggestions about how I would do it and he was kind of quite bombastic.
I'm very much aware that I must be an absolute nightmare in different ways, my various neuroses, and, um...
So I'm trying to... be aware of the fact that I am a nightmare.
Aw! 
We made up. 
We had a tiff. 
Yeah, we had a little falling out. 
Yeah.
Performers, comedians, actors, whatever you want to call it - we're children, essentially, aren't we?
'But like I say, two comics.
You know, it's that thing of, 'you know, I'd get on my own nerves, you know.'
Spag bol-gate is laid to rest, which is good, because news is just in from the kitchen.
We've just discovered that the lady of the house is making spaghetti Bolognese..
JOHN LAUGHS ..for lunch with fresh pasta.
Which kind of knocks my dry pasta ragu into a cocked hat.
We can change it. 
OK.
We can do a shepherd's pie.
You could make chilli con carne.
I'd rather do shepherd's pie, cos I've made that.
Cottage pie, shepherd's pie. 
Yeah.
Why don't I just make the spaghetti Bolognese and go, "Whose is best?
"Whose is best? 
Whose is best?" I could do that.
It's John and Simon's last training session and, with 300 calves to face tomorrow,
Dario's exercises get a tad more demanding.
AS RON MANAGER: "Ryan Giggsy, with a drop of the shoulder. 
Marvellous!"
Si.
Slowly trotting, maybe.
'The only fear I have is hurting the animal, 'but I think that they're really trained really hard.
'I think, what I think is hard, they're used to a lot harder.'
When it goes into trot, I really want to gallop.
'I must have to give it a bit more.'
I'm quite happy with my riding, considering how scared I was.
But the stakes are raised again for the galloping lesson.
A true gaucho must keep a hand free for lassoing, which means only one hand on the reins.
You make it sound easy.
This is rather like ride the rhythm.
Exactly. 
Like a reggae track.
Ride the rhythm is right.
Ride the rhythm. 
Yeah!
Oh, this way? 
Yeah!
DARIO LAUGHS
MUSIC: "Jamming" by Bob Marley and the Wailers
Yeah, perfect!
# Ooh, yeah...
# All right!
# We're jammin'
# I wanna jam it with you... #
DARIO LAUGHS # We're jammin'... #
Chop my hand off now.
The thing is, Dario, he constantly re-enforces you, cos he's always complimenting you and high-fives.
Excellent. 
Nice work, Si.
'Every day has been a leap into the unknown.
'I've already done things I didn't think I'd be able to do.'
Perfect! 
'One of the best things I've ever done.'
Stop.
And with that, the training phase of Argentina's newest gauchos comes to an end.
As the Bolognese begins its transformation into shepherd's pie,
John's apple crumble masterclass is a sell-out.
What you do is leave it as crumbs and put the crumbs on the apple.
This mince is a lot finer than you would expect in a cottage pie in the Home Counties.
Hello there! 
Hello, Chef Day.
I tell you, I have no idea what I'm doing.
It needs a great big lump of meaty gravy, doesn't it?
It needs something.
Hey!
EVERYONE CHATTERS
Salute! 
To our gaucho friends!
To the gauchos!
And to all our friends at La Pelada.
Si, gracias. 
Thank you.
'The final day of reckoning is upon us tomorrow.'
The herding of the cattle in the corral.
'There's an air of keenness to get on the horse,' but there's an air of sadness too that we're leaving the campo.
It's my kind of pudding.
BIRDS CALL
The final morning.
The lorries have arrived and await their cargo.
Despite the threat of industrial farming, gauchos can still make a living from delivering free-range cattle to market.
You see, everybody's very calm, but, effectively, we're going to be slap bang in the middle of a stampede.
WESTERN-STYLE MUSIC
Dario leads John and Simon to meet up with the rest of the gauchos and the calves.
JOHN AND SIMON: 
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
WHISTLING
WHISTLING AND SHOUTING
MOOING
Once they reach the corral, the work for the gauchos, and the calves, intensifies.
It looks quite difficult, you've got to hold your horse and use your horses' body and your feet to sort of kick them up, er, the ladder. 
Kick them. 
And I don't...
I'm not desperate enough to appear that macho on television.
I don't think my children would appreciate me whipping baby cows... 
Yeah.
..on TV, to be honest.
It's a bit intense.
Are you saw what they did with that calf down there. 
They're not shy.
The reality of gaucho life kicks in.
It's not for the squeamish city slicker.
Think about that when you're eating beef-burgers, everyone.
Think about this.
So glad that you didn't have a go, cos then I'd have to have a go too.
Young man's game, innit?
Young man's game.
LOUD MOOING
We got to the sharp end of it today.
It all...
The whole landscape, driven...
As John said, beautiful, free-range thing - all went whoosh into a very narrow channel.
At the end of the day, the gaucho, we sort of romanticised about the fact that, you know, they're these free spirits who don't really answer to anybody and all they need is the horse, the knife and the song.
The cow ceases to be an entity, like a living thing.
It's more of a commodity and, at the end of the day, it's their wage.
Meat is...is money in this case.
"Meat is money" rather than "meat is murder". 
Murder!
John and Simon's gaucho apprenticeship has come to an end.
Gracias. 
Gracias.
It's great to come here where everyone's like... food, horse, sleep.
You know, it's a genuinely...
The simple life.
..refreshing change.
SIMON LAUGHS: 
Yeah, man.
Thank you. 
Mate, we will return.
Si. 
Si? 
Si.
Ooh! 
Oh, wow!
DARIO LAUGHS
BOTH: 
Gracias.
Amazing! 
Oh, we've graduated.
Look at that. 
Look at that!
Now we fight! "And now we fight!" LAUGHTER
No, no! 
It's true that I've not truly, um... become a gaucho in my thinking and mentality, cos I was, like, "Oh, I hope I get the one with the handle,"
with the other handle. 
I went, "Oh, well, I'll have this one."
JOHN LAUGHS That's...that is the western mindset.
I'll swap. 
Will you?
That's the true way of the gaucho.
I'm starting to like this one now.
I'm prepared... 
I'm happy to trade with you. 
I'm not sure! 
Go on! 
OK.
There you go.
How's that? 
Gracias!
Si! 
That's all right, I don't mind.
He's learned! 
I've learned the way.
This one's worth £10,000!
This one's worth a quid!
It's almost extinct tree wood, which is called "saint's stick".
It's delicious, smell it.
Oh, yeah.
(I want it back!
)
It changes the colour...
Yeah? 
..with the weather.
It's blue when it rains. 
What?
!
Wow! 
What?
!
DARIO LAUGHS Hey!
LIKE A GANGSTER: 
You had your chance!
LAUGHTER
I mean, you know what you could do?
With Dario? 
Yeah, you could do
Crocodile Dundee here in Buenos Aires. 
Remake it here.
Well, no, he goes into the town, isn't he? 
Into the city. 
Yeah.
And he has a big knife.
The women fall in love with him.
That's right, and he, um, he can charm animals.
Yeah, then a mugger attacks him and he pulls out his knife. 
That's right.
Yeah. 
And, er... 
We've got to do our tollbooth film first, though, haven't we? 
We have! 
Tollbooth romance! 
Don't forget that. 
Yes.
Next time, with training over, it's off to work for John and Simon, as they join a team of gauchos in remote Patagonia, bringing 200 cattle down a mountain pass.
50 miles of riding into the unknown.
I don't like surprises. 
Hate them!
Three days and nights exposed to the elements...
Yeah, good night, John Boy, and all of that. 
Good night, Jim Bob.
An adventure of a lifetime.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
That was scary!

Subtitles brough to you by The I See Dead People Team @ Viki
Oh, there they are.
That woman is the one who will be marrying CEO Joo.
Nice to see you, Miss Seo Yeon.
Nice to see you.
Nice to see you, too.
Let's head on upstairs.
Is that woman an employee here?
She keeps looking at us.
Stop looking at her and go quickly.
I can't stand it.
You go ahead.
Have you been doing well for the past week?
You don't look too bad.
For me, it was hell.
Mr. CEO, are you really getting married?
Aren't you curious?
Don't you want to know how she feels about you?
What secret? 
I can see right through her.
Can you... see something?
Something that is just as scary as the ghosts you see.
CEO, are you trying to avoid me? 
Are you getting married so that you don't have to see me again?
Tae Gong Shil, do you think that you mean something to me, enough that it'll affect my wedding?
No.
Then, you don't have the right to ask me "why."
And I don't have an obligation to give you an answer, right?
Yes.
Episode 10
Your aunt already went upstairs.
Let's go.
As I've told you already, I hate people touching my body.
Even if you're about to trip and fall, try to avoid touching me.
Our Master is so cold and rude, even to his fiancé!
If he's not even going to let her touch him, why is he getting married?
I wish he had given me a head's up.
How could he even not answer my phone call?
Tae Gong Shil.
Kang Woo.
Did you not know about CEO Joo Joong Won's wedding?
Yes.
I'm a little surprised... the news of it was so sudden.
The night of Louis Jang's concert... 
CEO Joo came here, instead of going on his business trip, right?
When you two met that night, did something happen?
Did he come that night?
Then, the person I saw that night... was Mr. CEO?
I guess I was right. 
He did come here to see you.
That night, I was almost out of my mind.
I really wasn't myself.
I think the ghost wife met Mr. CEO when she was still inside my body.
What did they talk about?
What secret? 
I can see right through her.
She must have told him my secret!
Secret?
I think she told him that I like Mr. CEO!
Oh, no!
Even though you need her for your business, is it really okay to use "marriage" to get what you want?
It's okay.
I've used my brains to calculate the risks, and I've come up with a good answer.
Tae Yang seemed very surprised and a little thrown off by the news.
What are you going to do?
The reason why I can't figure out an answer when it comes to her is because... instead of being in my head, she was inside somewhere else.
I was surprised like hell to realize this, but I've come to accept it.
If so, you need to tell that person how you feel.
Also, tell her that you're not really getting married.
I don't want to do that.
Secretary Kim. 
The reason why I still don't-
The reason why I can't read...
The problem isn't here, but rather, the problem is over here.
I want to live using my head, which works just fine.
Since Tae Yang is a person who can see ghosts and souls, don't you think she'll be able to see your issues and embrace them?
Then, when I die, I'll become a ghost... and I'll go visit her when that happens.
I think he's trying to get rid of me.
But I can't live without him!
Tae Gong Shil, your hideout... is he the only one?
Does it have to be him?
He's my  one and only hideout in this world.
I just got his permission to stay by his side after begging like crazy!
Saying he's getting married and keeping a woman by his side... that means... he's telling you not to stay by his side as a woman.
Now that he's getting married, if he knew that I liked him, he would ask me to get lost. 
Right?
You said you liked him.
Being ignored like this... doesn't it hurt?
In your world, I'm Candy, and Mr. CEO is Prince Charming on a white horse, right?
But in my world, I'm just a ghost radar, and Mr. CEO is a shelter where I can hide.
I can't be Candy.
Because... he has no intention of being Prince Charming.
But, I can still be useful as a radar, so I think he'll let me stay by his side.
I think I should go see him.
Mr. CEO... congratulations on your engagement.
What?
Earlier, I was too surprised... and I couldn't tell you something important.
Congratulations on your engagement, and I wish you happiness.
You're being scary. 
Why are you saying this?
Mr. CEO, since you're about to become someone's sweet home, you may be uncomfortable with having a shelter.
But... instead of getting rid of it,
How about leaving it underground, at about the 2nd level below ground?
If you do that, I'll use it lightly, from time to time, without making you feel uncomfortable. 
Can I do that?
Sweethome?
Idon 'tlikesweetstuff .
If not, please give birth to a son!
Give birth to a son who has the same powers as you.
and if you let me take care of him.
You come in here out of the blue, and you're going too far with this.
Telling me to give birth to a son...
Tae Gong Shil, are you acting like this because of the secret you told the nutcracker ghost?
Did that wife tell you my secret?
No, I didn't hear about it. 
If it was a secret, it means you wanted to hide it from me, so I didn't dig further.
I politely refused, saying that I wouldn't hear about it.
You're thankful, right?
Is that what you did?
But it really wasn't anything.
I didn't hear about it, but seeing how you act, it's so obvious.
You're being so awkward that I'm beginning to suspect whether you even have the will to keep it a secret.
Bursting in here, saying "congratulations", "I wish you happiness"...
What you're doing is exactly what that famous girl, one who says "I won't cry even when lonely or sad"...
You're following her pattern!
You're being just like her (Candy)!
Never mind. 
This may actually make it easier.
Making the effort to congratulate me, telling me that you'll move into the basement of my sweet home... and since you're also saying you'll be my son's (little hideout) nanny;
so that you won't be embarrassed, I'll act as if I didn't see or hear anything. 
You're good.
It seems like you're misunderstanding something, but that person I said I liked to that wife isn't you.
It's someone else.
You know who it is!
I like... very sweet things.
Also, all this time, I stayed next to you despite all the bad things you said because you were my hideout.
As a woman, I hate men like you!
Men who are mean and rude!
Fine. 
I'm grateful that I'm not your type!
Then, I'll leave before you tell me to get lost.
Those words... they made me feel terrible.
Wait!
Get lost.
If you were going to make an excuse, you should have made up a different one.
Out of all things, why did it have to be Candy Kang?
Tae Gong Shil, the VP's wife is looking for you.
For Louis Jang to introduce you to us as his muse,
I guess you must have an eye for art. 
I asked you to come so you can take a look at this.
Open it and take it out.
This one?
It's a vase.
This is an engagement present for Joong Won sent by her family.
It might be a little crass to speak of money, but it's extremely expens...
Ahh... 
Do you know how expensive this is?
I'm sorry. 
I was surprised.
I guess you'd be surprised.
I guess this item is too much for you to handle, am I correct?
What if you'd broken it?
Even the thought is scary, isn't it?
You're probably thinking, "I shouldn't have touched it."
Yes.
That kind of stuff... don't touch them, they're bad.
What?
-Tae Gong Sil.
Calling something like this "stuff" is a little...
It's a very valuable white porcelain.
It's because people now keep saying it's so valuable, but really... it was probably just once a water container.
Please don't keep saying, "This is too valuable for just anyone to handle."
It will turn rude and arrogant.
What?
Are you saying that to  me?
!
?
Well... 
I'm just speaking about the vase.
That's right.
By analogy to this vase, "Don't try to touch our Joong Won and break off the marriage."
I'm saying this nicely to you, but what?
Rude and arrogant?
I'm sorry.
I was just talking about this vase.
This was originally just a water container.
But the person looking at it... can keep putting their heart in and weird things can come out.
Once you are bewitched in the wrong way, the only recourse would be to break it.
Are you not understanding because I'm saying it nicely?
Are you saying that you're going to do whatever it takes to sabotage Joo Won's marriage?
You're really dangerous!
I think you don't understand because you can't see it...
I even went and congratulated him on the engagement...
If you mishandle this vase, it could be extremely dangerous, so please be careful.
That really should be destroyed...
Someone will get bewitched.
Bang Shil... fighting!
Scary things will come around?
Bewitched?
Bang Shil's talking about herself, isn't she?
You got dragged into the Vice President's office?
It was a little scary.
What.. did she throw an envelope full of money at you?
No...
I saw a ghost.
I warned them but they couldn't comprehend what I said.
Is that so?
You! 
People keep misunderstanding and say that you were rejected by the CEO.
I guess my advances are seen as being Candy to other people.
At times like this, only ghosts understand my story.
The marriage has been announced now...
You'll get rid of her, right?
I have no intention of that. 
I brought up marriage so that I can safely keep her.
You're going to let her stay by your side?
Is she refusing to leave?
I'm not letting her go.
Because I can't not see her, for now, I'm securing a safe distance with the marriage, and
I'm going to keep seeing her.
Until when?
Until I don't want to see her anymore.
Was she scared because of this?
We told her it was extremely expensive, and she almost broke it in surprise.
She wouldn't have been surprised that it was expensive...
Is something attached to it?
Joong Won!
Do you know how much this is?
Because boasting about money won't scare her, in the future, don't do that.
He really!
CEO Joo... fighting!
Big Tae Yang is dating the CEO of Kingdom?
As if!
CEO Joo is marrying the daughter of Seo Jin Group.
Really?
Mi Kyung, who works at Kingdom Hotel, says she saw them doing an event together.
He's just playing her a bit.
Frankly, even playing around, their statuses are very incompatible.
Why? 
What's wrong with big Tae Yang?
She's smart, pretty, good at sports, and has a good personality.
Honestly, was she the big Tae Yang for no reason?
I thought that Kingdom's CEO was someone who fits well with big Tae Yang.
You have to see her to come to your senses!
Do you want to meet her? 
Let's pick a date. 
You're going to be surprised.
Are you alright?
What did you see in the porcelain?
Isn't it that something scary followed you?
It didn't follow me.
But it's something dangerous, so please warn them to be careful.
They didn't seem to understand me.
Why didn't you come to me?
If you came to me because you needed me, I said I wouldn't avoid you.
After telling me to leave the safety hideout as it is in the 2nd level basement in the sweet home, why didn't you use it?
Can I be honest?
If you can, go ahead.
I was afraid the person I like would misunderstand.
Are you going to keep insisting that that person is Candy Kang?
Are you going to keep misunderstanding it to be you?
Misunderstanding?
In a manwha movie I saw before, struck by lightning, I was a wolf who met a sheep.
In order for the wolf to live, it must eat the goat,
But because she loved the sheep, she couldn't eat and almost starved to death.
In order to survive, he should see it as something to eat,
She's not supposed to look at the sheep as someone she loves, so he's kind of stupid, right?
I won't do that type of thing.
So, you're saying that your "wolf" thinks of this "sheep"... as a food source?
Yes.
That's why you shouldn't keep asking if the wolf likes the goat.
Alright, then.
Let's say the wolf was like that. 
What about the goat?
In the movie, the goat also likes the wolf.
Then what happens?
The goat likes the wolf so much that it says,
"Wolf, just eat me."
That goat must be crazy.
But would the wolf eat the goat only because of that?
When the wolf likes the goat... ♫ When my fingertip brushes you, ♫
♫Thewarmthspreadstomy icyheart. ♫
♫ I can't even touch you. ♫
Don't you want to know her secret?
I don't want to know.
Why? 
Are you afraid you can't make calculations if you know?
♫ Lonely Love. 
Yes, I love you.♫
Yes.
Should I have listened so I can know for sure...?
Ah, I don't know.
Don't know.
The elder said that if his son is really getting married, he will adjust his schedule and return earlier.
About this wedding, what am I supposed to report?
To tell you the truth, this wedding is fake.
It's business for both sides.
If I accept your proposal, does the owner of Sejin Group change?
I didn't come here for a study, but on an exile.
Once I return to Korea with the marriage as an excuse, avoiding my step-mother's control,
I'm going to find my bed-ridden father's bank account under a different name.
I... will turn Sejin Holding Company into Sejin Cement Corporation.
The excuse of marriage, will a week be enough?
If you help me, I will help you expand Kingdom's business in Shanghai by providing you with Sejin's support.
I will give you the wings so that you can fly.
That proposal...
I will accept it.
After one week, the wedding could become something that never happened.
Tell the Chairman that he doesn't need to try too hard to change his schedule.
Does Tae Gong Shil know the truth?
She doesn't.
To her, before CEO Joong Won explains it, don't mention it first.
I understand.
I prefer a simple white porcelain vase to a flashy celadon (green-glazed) vase.
It's just like a dignified scholar.
Don't just touch it recklessly. 
She said it's not good to touch it.
Just look at it.
That's a ridiculous story.
Honey, what do you think you are doing?
I mean what about it? 
No one's around anyway.
What about me?
I told you that I hate undignified people!
Go scratch in the bathroom.
I get it.
How did I fall for a man like that?
When he wasn't even my type.
I liked men who were like dignified scholars.
Who are you?
A gentle, virtuous scholar like you is calling on me?
When are you going to fix this annoying sleeping habit?
I've always been doing this, but why are you suddenly saying that now?
Before...
You told me it was cute that I sleep like a little kid.
Not being decent...
Go sleep in another room!
I was meeting a noble scholar (in my dream).
Why that kick?
Who did you meet?
I'm going to the VP's office now.
Let's go together.
No, I think it's best for you to not come with me.
Is there a ghost?
I saw something there.
That's why I wanted to go to check on it.
So if you just give me the keys, I'll just go by myself.
Let's go together.
If I don't check it well, I won't be able to pass by the Vice President's office anymore.
I'll bring the keys.
Let's go.
Are you going to stay here?
Due to the business trip, there's a lot of work piled up.
Secretary Kim you finished all your work, so you can go.
Yes.
Taeyang is still here, but should we go out together?
No...
I guess Kang Woo will probably take her.
He's saying it so I could hear him, but
I didn't hear anything.
What is this?
Did she already leave?
Kang Woo...
You can hold me if you're scared.
Ok then...
I'll lean on you.
I don't want to hold on like a kid.
I am used to this posture.
Ok.
But please loosen your grip.
Alright...
I will.
Where should we look?
The vase isn't here.
No ghosts either.
They aren't there?
Tae Gong Shil, you aren't scared?
I'm scared, too.
I'm just more used to it than you.
Were you living in hiding for so long because you were scared?
I was just living in hiding but... after I met Mr. CEO it got a lot better.
My life started becoming different since I found a breathing space.
The CEO is... giving you something that I could never give.
But he's getting married now.
I don't think I can keep staying by his side.
After a week, this could be something that never happened.
Miss Tae Gong Shil, why don't you test yourself to see if you really need him or not?
Even when he wasn't here, you came to work and endured it well.
But, I don't know if I'll be able to not stick to him when he's right next to me
Give yourself about a week, and please think about it well.
If you decide that you are fine without him, even if the situation changes,
don't go back to him.
It will hurt.
Wait for me and we'll go together.
I heard there's a nice ramyun shop near our building...
There's something there though.
Then, you direct me to a place without them.
The kimbap place next to it has nothing.
But it also has no taste...
The kimbap place sounds better.
Hold it...
Is Kang Woo not here?
The Chief is out somewhere...
We see you a lot.
Since I see you often, do I also look like a neighborhood girl to you?
No you're a goddess of course.
Appearing in our security office, a goddess.
What is that?
It's the Chief's.
It's cute...
I'm sorry, but a picture?
If you keep doing this... you won't be able to go.
What is this?
Kang Woo...
You're so cute!
Did you just do this because you were scared?
Do it again.
That's enough.
Why are you here again?
There might be an article about you and me.
We got our photos taken in the subway.
I'm meeting with a close reporter tomorrow...
If you come with me and have some beer, you can become a bodyguard.
And if I feel like it... you'll come out as my boyfriend.
That article will become number one.
I'm going to the kimbap place with Tae Gong Shil later...
You should come along and eat Korean yellow radish next to her since you're friends.
Kang Woo!
It got on well.
Let's go!
Let's show Gong Shil, too.
This color... and this color are the same.
Is that right?
Let's go next time to eat kimbap.
Yes, I understand.
I'll go first then.
Mr. CEO didn't leave yet?
He's not here?
OH MY GOD!
I thought you were a ghost!
It would be better if I was a ghost.
Without having to be worried about anyone else... and being concerned for only yourself...
If you were a ghost, you would have to hold on to me instead of me holding on to you.
I'm really popular among the ghosts.
When they see me,
I actually seem like the sun.
I'm not even a ghost but why am I like this?
What?
Come in...
Sit.
Tae Gong Shil, do you just want to be Candy?
Come out of hostage, I'll get you a house.
You might need a car, choose one.
Do you want to study more? 
Then do it. 
I'll let you.
Is there a big ghost that you need to find?
Tae Gong Shil, normally people say either "Thank you." or "Why are you being like this?"
I don't need a big house because then there's a lot of room for ghosts to hide.
And for the car, I do have my license, but I'm scared that something might come out so I don't need it.
And I'm thinking about studying, but
I think I'll be able to take a test even when there are ghosts.
You're giving me answers that I can't calculate at all.
The relationship that you and I have...
I want to set things straight.
With no money and being frugal, you push away, and stick to a man with a lot of money.
And people around you are telling you that it won't work out.
If I buy you a house or a car, you either act cute or get upset.
Do it the easy way.
You, who talk about ghosts in a porcelain vase when my aunt is trying to embarrass and insult you, you're hard to understand. 
Just be simple and be Candy.
Then I, for sure, can get rid of you.
If you're curious about the end, I'm not scared.
Then you're saying that you can easily push me away?
If I go into your world, and become your one and only person, if that happens, I can't tell you to get lost.
So, to make it easier for me to deal with you, be Candy, and... with me, let's play in here. 
Okay?
If I become Candy, then that means I'll have to leave when you tell me to get lost.
I don't want to do it.
Then what do you want me to do?
I tell you I'm getting married, and you tell me to make a shelter for you at the B2 floor.
I tell you to be Candy, but you say you don't want to accept gifts and leave in return.
You want me to become a sheep and expect me to say "Hunt me, and eat me"
I don't expect anything like that.
Why is it so hard for you?
Is it a burden that I might like you?
I don't like you.
Just like how we caught the water ghost at the hotel,
I'll just go catch the porcelain ghost.
There are none here. 
Go home.
Let's go.
Look at this.
After hearing all that, you don't say
"Why are you doing this" or "What do you think you're doing"
Truthfully, on the way here, I saw a very scary ajumma.
Let's go.
Where did you see her?
At the entrance, I think it's her first time here.
I guess I have to keep holding you hand.
If you're uncomfortable, it's okay if we just hold fingers.
While I was on my business trip, did you see any other scary things?
There was.
But I endured by holding onto your ballpoint pen.
Pen?
Oh, as an amulet.
Mr. CEO, I've been thinking...
Since I was kind of okay, spending a week away from you with just that pen...
So when the time comes, before you tell me to get lost
I think I can leave first
So don't worry too much.
There will be an end.
Necklace...
I don't think she picked it up.
Am I really that... burdensome?
Everyone, pay attention. 
After China, it is America.
I'll give you three minutes of time.
Those of you who can't keep pace, go work for Giant mall.
Secretary Kim.
Keep an eye on Giant mall's construction plan.
Make all of it into mirrors.
Make it pretty.
Everyone got it?
I heard that girl and the CEO, together slept in a suite room.
A Suite room?
They even borrowed the whole swimming pool.
Who?
Over there.
But I heard she got dumped.
Because he's marrying someone else.
Of course.
I knew it would happen.
I knew it was going to be like this.
But I'm still kind of jealous.
What are you jealous of?
Are they talking about me?
Even I would marry someone else.
Seonbeenim (scholar) how can you have such good thoughts, and be so graceful?
This is good.
Try it.
How vulgar and repulsive.
Why are you being like this again?
You called me dirty earlier for going to the bathroom.
Why you keep hating everything I do?
A man be such a flake.
I lost my appetite. 
Her name is also Gong Shil.
I knew Dooly, I guess there was a Gong Shil too?
You seem tired these days, so for Gong Shil to have strength take Gong Shil.
Thank you.
She kind of looks like Dooly.
Gong Shil's boyfriend is Dooly.
Really?
Please take care of Gong Shil.
Okay, I'll reserve the restaurant.
I'll see you later.
Is this your office?
It's so tiny,
I heard all our classmates from high school are having a gathering.
Everyone's wondering about you. 
Can't you feel it?
I'll go.
I think I need to go to places like that.
Really?
When we decide the place and time, I'll let you know.
I'm asking this because I'm really curious,
What's your relationship with CEO Joo Joong Won?
Just look at it as you see it.
I heard that you got rejected.
If it looked like that, I guess it is...
That's too bad.
CEO Joo Joong Won has been known for that first love curse,
The wedding was broken several times, but I think this time he will actually marry.
Too bad the curse got broken just about the same time you tried to win him over.
I know right..
What's that?
Gong Shil, her name is Gong Shil too.
Is this Dooly's copycat?
No, her boyfriend is Dooly.
Yes, I will go to the airport on time.
Okay. 
I'll see you then.
If I go in this time, I think I might be there for a long while.
Are you going to find this woman?
If she's alive, I need to find her.
Joo Woong,
The saying that he's under Cha Hee Joo's curse, that rumor spread every time wedding was mentioned.
This time how it's going to be, there will be a lot of talk going around.
To the CEO Cha Hee Joo isn't a curse but a pain.
If it's a pain, he supposed to look for someone to cure it.
Maybe it is a real curse..
He kicks everyone out, not letting anyone near.
That's right.
And he always goes "get lost"
A person who says he will not change, and a person who will not go away no matter how much you kick them away.
If they come together, who do you think will win?
Are you talking about CEO and me?
I'm on your side.
I heard tomorrow you're going to a class meeting.
Where's the location?
Tomorrow, the meeting with Sejin group Park Sung Ji has been planned.
It's been almost a week, but are you sure you want to cancel it?
Are you not planning to continue?
I know everything about what Secretary Kim is thinking.
I'm not going to tell you.
Honey.
Why is this person doing this to me lately?
We have to break that though...
Since this is President Joo's fiance's gift, leave this here.
Is aunt really wierd?
After bringing this, she completely ignores me and when I tell her to do something, she says that she's tired and can't do it.
She even told me that she doesn't want to see my face. 
She's not the type of person to do that though...
According to that miss, if something happens, we should break this but even though things are weird, this isn't something that should be broken just from listening to those words.
Tae Gong Sil said to break this?
Yes she did.
But still,
President Joo isn't breaking his wedding, so why should we break this?
President Joo, you take responsibility for this.
After breaking this, I should say to take responsibility.
You said to break this. 
Do I really have to?
Is your aunt not feeling well?
She's in a really bad state.
She's in a critical state and can't even get up.
Then do I break this or not?
Then you're supposed to break it...
If this breaks, you know that the wedding gets cancelled too, right? 
Do I break it or not?
You can't really break those things though...
They said aunt is in a very bad state... that she's almost dying.
She's the only aunt I have though...
Then you have to break it...
Then it's decided.
We're trusting your words and breaking this.
If the wedding breaks too, then you take responsibility.
Why do I have to take responsibility for that?
Because of you, she's dying so we break it.
No!
Honey! 
Honey!
What? 
What? 
What's wrong?
Are you okay? 
Are you okay?
What was that?
What was that?
!
I don't see anything.
Gong Sil, you said to break it for the ghost but why was the reason changed to breaking the wedding?
For you, it wasn't like that, right?
To others, how they might see you next to him, I think I understand now.
What do I do?
Kang Woo ssi.
Is there something there?
It was Gong Sil to Gong Sil talking.
It's been almost a week. 
How do you feel?
Even though that person isn't here, do you think you'll be okay?
I'm not sure if it's okay for him to be gone, but
I now understand what it's like to be next to him.
Gong Sil, when both are together does it match well.
You said that you had a gathering today, right?
Sumo said that you were very nervous.
That's right.
It's been a really long time since I met my friends.
When girls meet together, they brag a lot about their boyfriends, right?
I guess so.
Then, Tae Gong Sil, you should also brag about your man.
Who? 
Dooly?
At that spot, if Dooly shows up, all girls faint.
But rather than Dooly, I think liked Dochi more.
That won't do then.
If you want to talk about Dooly, then he should be there too.
You're going to the airport to escort the president, right?
Yes.
Then do you have an appointment?
Oh, with Tae Yang?
Yes.
Lee Hyun Joo has a loud mouth so you should tell her that Gong Sil and the president aren't in that type of relationship.
Who makes those rumors anyway?
I agree. 
I don't understand why people go around saying whatever they want nowadays.
Listening to some people, it seems like it was someone from the security team.
Really?
But does our security team have someone with that kind of cheap mouth?
You should figure it out, so I can give them my wrath.
When you figure it out, I won't ask for money for coffee.
Eat this.
Lee Hyun Joo is right here.
After lunch finishes, he said to come to the vice president's room.
Why would the vice president look for you?
I wonder too...
I wonder why.
Then go and found out who has the cheap mouth.
Then I'll be going. 
This is takeout.
Honey.
What again?
It sounds so powerful how you suck those noodles right in!
I fell for those sexy lips.
You must have gone crazy!
According to that miss, breaking that vase must really have had an effect.
But why did Joong Won break that fiance's really important gift?
I wonder.
Maybe he was thinking of breaking up the wedding...
Honey.
You said that hyungnim is coming in today, right?
It's been a year already.
He couldn't be coming to help Joong Won's wedding.
Maybe there's some other issue?
Kang Woo, it's been a long time.
Let's go.
Thanks to you, the problem's been solved.
If Kingdom's side doesn't mind, I want to continue this marriage.
It's unfortunate that we must stop here.
It's nothing to be unfortunate about.
It started out as a business deal, and we've gained a lot.
We should both calculate how big that is.
Yes it's been a long time.
I come by a lot.
Oh, big Tae Yang!
Wow, it's been a really long time!
Hi!
Come here.
Are you okay?
What's wrong?
No! 
No, it's nothing. 
I'm okay.
Anyway, since we cancelled the wedding, I can't say let's see each other often.
If it's like this, then have I become President Joo's cursed love?
It's famous.
Kingdom's Joo President is stuck on a cursed dead first love.
It's been your fourth breakup (wedding cancelled), right?
I hope you get free from your curse next time.
That girl said that she was the fourth curse.
If we gather all the cursed women and play go stop, we could sell Kwangdo.
Even though we gather them, it won't be fun.
They all are pushed out by a dead girl.
A heart that no one accepts is cursed.
If it doesn't change, then it won't be freed either.
The reason why I kept you close to Joong Won is because of this piece of photograph.
This is Maria. 
I accidentally found this picture in Maria's old photo album.
Who do you think this other woman is?
That's Cha Hee Joo. 
Where is this place?
England?
Yes. 
A woman who doesn't just resemble but looks exactly the same was in England.
One year after Cha Hee Joo died.
Then, are you saying Cha Hee Joo is alive?
You said Joong Won met the dead Cha Hee Joo through the woman named Tae Gong Shil, right?
I found the living Cha Hee Joo in Europe.
Then, could Cha Hee Joo have been one of the twins?
That's the most possible scenario.
But I found something very strange.
What are these?
Those are the x-mas cards which the English person who took this picture exchanged these X-mas cards for 10 years.
She lived traveling many different places overseas.
Looking at the sent date sequence, she lived 3 years in LA, 4 years in New York, and 3 years in Peking.
My son stayed abroad after the kidnapping incident.
3 years in LA, 4 years in New York, 3 years in Peking.
Did this woman follow around CEO Joo Joong Won?
The last postcard had a message that she's returning to Korea.
That was 5 years ago, and after that, Joong Won came back to Korea and he's been living here since.
Do you think this woman is somewhere near CEO Joo Joong Won?
Yes. 
I believe that Cha Hee Joo is alive, and she followed Joong Won after that incident, and she's still some place very close.
Who is she? 
I haven't seen her around.
She moved here not too long ago.
It's Tae Gong Shil.
Ah... 
She said she was going to a school reunion. 
I guess it was here.
I heard your father just checked in the hotel.
Chief Kang Woo will be here soon.
Will you see him and listen to what he says?
I will talk to my father in person. 
You don't need to call Chief Kang Woo.
I didn't call him. 
Rather, he's coming here to see Tae Yang.
I guess he's going to join them.
Wow... 
Tae Yang... will be pretty proud in front of her high school friends today.
Her boyfriend is so tall and good looking...
So you had an accident... 
How about now, are you okay?
Yes. 
I've gotten much better.
But... it's such a waste that you didn't get to graduate from that college, that school background.
Until what age can you go back to your study?
There's still time, but...
Gong Shil! 
Tell me about you.
You said you're working at Kingdom, right?
You... 
The CEO there... is he really your boyfriend?
Tell them in detail what you told me.
How you made advances to him, and how you got rejected.
You're right. 
I met a man who's really rich and successful.
How?
On a heavy raining day, I got a ride in a very nice car.
But the person was Kingdom's CEO. 
I really wanted to see him again, so I went to visit him.
I felt like I had to hold on to him. 
So, I got a part-time job there, and followed him around.
When I told him I was alone and sad, he started looking at me.
The safety hideout came. 
Hide.
Whenever I was going through a hard time, he helped me, and stayed with me.
Ah, he even held an event for me by renting the whole hotel pool.
How do you see me after hearing my story?
Hey, we're so jealous!
I envy you.
And then what? 
You know the ending is what's important.
That person is marrying a chaebol's daughter soon.
No wonder...
Still, I haven't gotten off of him, and I still hold on to him tightly.
Because I can never be separated from him.
That's a little...
I can't help it ever though I look shameless and pathetic.
Because, to me, he's the only one special person in the world.
That's me.
Tae Gong Shil. 
I came here after breaking off the marriage because of you.
So, you take the responsibility.
Let's go.
What are you doing here?
Now you're doing what I wanted to see from you. 
Then, is it my turn to act all charming?
My kid is pretty upset. 
To appease her, I'll treat you to this dinner.
Please have a fun and enjoyable time here.
My baby. 
Will you come with Oppa?
Let's go.
What the heck do they think they're doing?
Without the talks of radar and the safety hideout, people understand (the relationship between) you and me easily.
Stop it. 
I get it now. 
This is me in your world.
Tae Gong Shil!
What's wrong?
What's wrong? 
Did something happen?
I was taking her with me.
Kang Woo!
What's the matter? 
Why is Tae Gong Shil acting that way? 
Why did CEO Joo come here?
He said that he broke off the marriage because of her. 
And told her to take the responsibility.
What about you? 
Why are you here?
Did you come here because of her, too?
Yes.
Do you really like Tae Gong Shil?
Yes.
With this, you won't ever tell me to become your boyfriend again, right?
You said you would make the whole thing available and to use everything. 
I just need a small space to breathe in.
But are you that afraid that I would want something else?
Yes, I am. 
Can you really protect me without other thoughts?
After protecting me while looking at me strictly as a marble safety hideout, once you think you can live again, can you get lost on your own?
I told you I would. 
I'm like that even now.
Can I trust that?
Even though you just stomped me so horribly, if a scary thing suddenly pops out, I can immediately run straight into your arms.
I'm like that. 
It's not like you don't know that.
Fine. 
I'll trust you. 
From now on, I'm going to do whatever I want to do to make myself at ease.
From now on, you handle everything.
Thank you. 
I can handle everything.
Is that right? 
Then, start with handling this.
Tae Yang. 
I think I love you.
What will you do now?

There he is.
That person with him is the young lady President Ju is going to marry.
It's nice to see you, Seo Hyeon.
Nice to see you.
It's nice to see you, too.
Let's go up.
Is that young lady an employee?
She keeps watching us.
Stop looking at her and just go up, because I'm about to die.
You should go up first.
Have you been well for this past week?
You don't look too bad.
For me, it felt like death.
President, are you really getting married?
Aren't you curious?
How this woman sees you?
What secret?
I can see it all.
Can you see something?
Something that scares me as much as ghosts scare you.
President, because of me, to avoid me...
is that why you're getting married?
Tae Gong Sil, are you so special to me that I would decide to get married just because of you?
No.
Then, you have no right to ask for a reason.
And I don't have to give you one, isn't that right?
Yes.
Your aunt has already gone up.
Let's go.
I told you before, I don't like anyone touching my body.
Even if you trip and are about to fall, try to keep from touching me.
Our Master Ju is so rude, even to the woman he's going to marry.
If he won't even let her touch him, why bother to get married?
I wish he had warned me.
He didn't even answer my call.
Tae Gong Sil.
Gang U.
Were you surprised that President Ju Jung Won is getting married?
Yes.
It was so sudden that I was kind of shocked.
On the night of Ruyi Jang's concert, President Ju came back here instead of leaving on his trip, right?
When you two met, did something happen?
He came back that night?
Then, that person I saw was the President?
So he did come to see you.
I was right.
That night, I didn't know what was happening.
It wasn't really me then.
That wife's ghost must have met him when she was inside.
What did they talk about?
What secret?
I can see it all.
She must have told him my secret.
Your secret?
She must have told him that I like him.
What do I do?
Even to help your business, is it right to use a marriage for that?
I can. 
I calculated it in here, and a good answer came out.
Miss Tae seemed very shocked and hurt.
What are you going to do?
No matter how I tried to calculate that woman, I could never find the answer.
That's because she wasn't in here.
She was somewhere else.
Although I was scared as hell to admit that, I have accepted it.
Then you should tell her how you feel.
At least let her know you aren't really getting married.
I don't want to.
Secretary Gim, the reason I can't...
I can't read is... not a problem in here.
It's in here.
The part that's working well, up here, I want to use that to live.
Since Miss Tae is someone who can see souls, isn't she the one who could see your problem clearly, and help you with it?
Then when I die, I will become a ghost, and I will go and find her.
He must be trying to get rid of me.
But I can't be without him.
The place for you to hide, does it have to be him?
There's no one else like him in the world.
I stuck to him like crazy, and finally he let me be close to him.
If he's getting married and putting another woman by his side, he's telling you not to think about staying beside him as a woman.
Now that he's getting married, if he knows I like him, he'll probably tell me to get lost, right?
You said that you like him.
When he disregards you like this...
doesn't it hurt?
In your world, I'm Candy and the president is my white knight, right?
But in my world, I'm just a ghost-seeing radar, and the president is my emergency shelter.
I can't be Candy, and he has no intention of being my white knight.
But since my radar can still be useful,
I think he'll let me stay by his side.
I should go see him.
President, congratulations on your engagement.
What?
I was so surprised earlier that I couldn't say that to you.
Congratulations on your engagement.
I hope you'll be happy.
Why are you acting scary like this?
Now that you're about to become someone's sweet home, you might feel that also being an emergency shelter is a bit of a burden.
But instead of getting rid of it, you could just dig a basement for it.
I would just use it lightly and not make you uncomfortable.
Could I do that?
A sweet home?
I hate sweet things.
Then hurry and have a son.
Have a son with the same ability as you and entrust him to me.
I will be his nanny and take care of him for free!
You came breezing in here, but you tried too hard.
Even telling me to have a son.
Tae Gong Sil...
Are you acting like this because of the secret you told the walnut lady?
Did that wife's ghost tell you my secret?
I didn't hear it. 
Secrets are something you hide, so I didn't want to know.
I refused her offer and told her I wouldn't listen.
Aren't you grateful?
Is that so?
It really wasn't anything.
I didn't hear it, but seeing you so awkward like this, it's so obvious I don't think you can even hide it anymore.
Rushing in here to tell me "congratulations" and "be happy"...
That's what that famous girl does who says, "I won't cry even if I'm lonely or sad." Isn't that her pattern?
No. 
This might be even easier.
You made an effort to congratulate me, saying you'll move into the basement of my sweet home, and even offering to be the nanny when my little shelter is born.
Since this must be embarrassing, I'll just act like I didn't see or hear a thing.
Will that do?
I think you must have misunderstood.
The person I told that wife I liked wasn't you. 
It was someone else.
You also know who it is.
I like sweet things very much.
Truthfully, I put up with you all this time because you're my emergency shelter.
But as a woman, I really hate men like you who are rude jerks!
Good! 
I'm thankful I'm not your style.
Then before you tell me to get lost, I'm leaving.
I always hated hearing you say that to me!
Wait!
Get lost.
Of all the excuses, why did she have to make it Gang Candy?
Tae Gong Sil, Madam is looking for you.
Since Ruyi Jang called you his muse,
I thought maybe you had an artistic vision, so I called you to have a look at this.
Open it and take a look.
This?
It's a vase.
It's an engagement gift to Jung Won from his fiancee's family.
Although it may be tacky to speak of money when it comes to works of art, that piece is extremely expens---
Do you know how much this is worth?
I'm sorry.
I was just startled.
You must have been startled.
I imagine handling something so expensive is frightening for you, right?
What would you do if you had broken it?
Just thinking about it is scary.
You're probably thinking, "I should never have touched it", isn't that so?
Yes. 
You should never touch stuff like that. 
It's not good.
What?
Tae Gong Sil, you can't call something like this "stuff."
This is a very valuable white porcelain.
Everyone keeps saying it's so precious and valuable, but originally it was probably only a container for water.
Please stop saying that it's too precious to be touched by just anybody.
It will be more rude and arrogant.
What? 
Are you saying that to me right now?
I was just talking about this vase.
That's right.
I was using this vase as a metaphor, to tell you to keep your hands off Jung Won's wedding and don't break it.
I was trying to say it in a roundabout way, but what?
Rude and arrogant?
I'm sorry.
I was only talking about this vase.
It was originally just a water container.
But when a person looks at it and fills it with their feelings, strange things can come out of it.
If you are captivated by it in the wrong way, all you can do is break it.
Because I said it nicely, do you not understand?
Are you saying that you'll find a way to break up Jung Won's wedding?
You're a nasty piece of work!
You don't understand me because you don't see it.
I've already gone to congratulate him on his engagement.
If this vase isn't handled properly, it could cause a very big problem.
You must be extremely careful.
It really should be destroyed.
It could bewitch you.
Bang Sil... 
Fighting!
She said it's something scary?
Bewitch?
Bang Sil is talking about herself, right?
Did the Vice President call you in to reprimand you?
I was a little scared.
What?
Did they toss an envelope of money at you?
No. 
I saw a ghost.
I warned them, but they didn't understand.
Was that it?
You! 
Everyone keeps talking about you!
They're saying you were hanging on the president and now he dumped you.
If I'm with him, I guess everyone must see me as Candy.
At times like this, only ghosts understand my situation.
Since you're getting married, you're going to get rid of her now, right?
I have no intention of doing that.
I only brought up marriage to keep her at a safe distance.
So you will continue to keep her next to you?
Did she say she wouldn't leave?
I won't send her away.
I can't not see her, so for now I will keep her at a safe distance with the talk of marriage and keep her by my side.
Until when?
Until I don't want to see her anymore.
Was she was scared because of this?
We told her it was extremely expensive, and she was so startled, she nearly broke it.
She wasn't scared of it because it's expensive.
Is something stuck to it?
Jung Won!
This is valuable.
She won't be scared away because of your money, so from now on, don't try that again.
He is really...
President Ju... 
Fighting.
You're saying Big Sun and the Kingdom president are dating?
That's hilarious.
President Ju Jung Won is engaged to Seo Jin Group's daughter.
Really?
Mi Kyeung, who works at Kingdom Hotel, said she saw him giving her a surprise event.
He's probably just playing around with her.
But to be honest, even if he's just playing with her, their levels still don't match up.
Why? 
What's wrong with Big Sun?
She's smart, pretty, athletic, and has a good personality.
Frankly, we didn't call her the Big Sun for nothing.
I thought she would be a good match for the Kingdom president.
You guys will have to see Tae Gong Sil to come to your senses!
Do you want to see her once?
Pick a date.
You're going to be surprised.
Are you okay?
What did you see in the vase?
Did something scary follow you?
It didn't follow me.
But it's very dangerous, so please tell them to be very careful.
My words didn't get through to them.
Why didn't you come to me?
I said if you need me, I won't avoid you.
After asking me to dig an emergency shelter in the basement of my sweet home, why didn't you use it?
Can I be honest?
If you can, go ahead.
I'm afraid the person I like might misunderstand.
Are you going to keep insisting it's Gang Candy?
Are you going to keep misunderstanding that it's you?
Misunderstanding?
In an animated movie I once saw, on a stormy night, a wolf met a goat.
In order for the wolf to live, it needed to eat the goat.
But she loved the goat and couldn't eat it, so she nearly starved to death.
In order to live, you have to see food as food, not as the goat you love.
That's stupid, right?
I wouldn't do something like that.
So, you're saying that your "wolf"
only thinks of this "goat" as a means of survival.
Yes.
So don't keep asking if the wolf likes the goat.
That's fine.
Let's just say the wolf is like that.
What about the goat?
The goat also liked the wolf.
So then what happened?
Because he liked the wolf so much, he said, "Wolf, just eat me."
That goat is crazy.
Would the wolf really eat the goat when she likes him?
I can tell you the secret I know.
I don't want to know.
Why?
If you know it, you're afraid your calculations won't add up?
Maybe I should have listened so I could be sure.
I don't know. 
I don't know.
The elder said that if his son is really getting married, he will clear his schedule and come home sooner.
What should I report to him about this wedding?
Actually, this wedding is a sham.
For both sides, it's a business deal.
If I accept your offer, will the owner of Seo Jin Group change?
I'm not living abroad to study, but living in exile.
If I can use marriage as an excuse to return to South Korea,
I can figure out what my stepmother has done with the stocks that belong to my bedridden father, and take control.
I want to change Seo Jin Group into Seo Jin Cement Company.
Using marriage for an excuse, will one week be enough?
If you help me out, I will help Kingdom expand into Shanghai.
I will give you Seo Jin's support so you can have the wings you need to fly.
I accept your proposal.
After a week, this engagement might never have happened.
So tell the Chairman that he doesn't have to try to change his plans.
Does Tae Gong Sil know about this?
She doesn't.
Until Master Ju explains it to her, you can't say anything.
I understand.
I much prefer the simple white porcelain to that fancy green celadon type.
Isn't it like a refined scholar?
You shouldn't touch it so freely.
She said it's not good to touch it.
Just look at it.
That was an absurd story.
Honey, what are you doing?
What about it?
There's nobody around.
I am. 
I've told you before how much I hate disgusting behavior.
Go into the bathroom and scratch if you must.
Okay.
How in the world did I fall for a guy like that?
He's really not my taste.
A refined gentleman would be much more my type.
Who are you?
Did a gentle, refined scholar like you call me here?
When are you going to change your horrible sleeping habits?
I've always slept like this.
What's the problem now?
Didn't you say before that I looked cute, like a kid when I slept?
You're so distasteful.
Go sleep in the other room!
I was about to meet with a noble scholar...
Why that kick?
Whom were you meeting?
I want to go take a look in the Vice President's office.
Let's go together.
No. 
It's probably better if you don't come.
Is there a ghost?
I saw something there.
That's why I want to go back and confirm it.
So if you'll just give me the key, I'll go by myself.
Let's go together.
If I don't check it for myself,
I won't ever be able to walk by the Vice President's office after this.
I'll go get the key.
Let's go.
Are you going to stay?
I have a lot of work that piled up.
Secretary Gim, since you're finished, you can go ahead and leave now.
Okay.
Miss Tae is still here, too.
Should we leave together?
No. 
I'm sure Team Leader Gang will take her home.
He said it for me to hear, but I didn't hear it.
What's this?
Did she leave already?
Gang U, if you're scared, then hold onto me.
Then, I'll lean on you for a bit.
I don't want to hold on like a little kid.
I prefer this position.
That's fine, but loosen your grip a little.
I'll try to relax.
Where should we look?
The vase isn't here.
There's no ghost, either.
It's not here?
Tae Gong Sil, aren't you afraid?
I'm scared, too.
I'm just used to it more than you.
Is it because you were scared, that you lived in hiding for so long?
I mostly stayed inside that boarding house, but after meeting the President, I got a lot better.
After I found an air hole to breathe, my life became different.
President Ju Jung Won gives you something I can never give you.
But he is getting married soon.
I don't think I can stay by him like I do now.
After a week, this engagement might never have happened.
Tae Gong Sil, why don't you test it and see how well you do without him?
During the time when he was gone on that business trip, you were able to come to work and handled it well.
But, while he's so close to me,
I don't know if I can keep from sticking to him.
Give yourself a week's time to think about it carefully.
If you find that you can live well without him, even if the situation changes, don't go back to him.
Because you'll get hurt.
Wait for me and we'll go home together.
I heard there's a pretty good ramen shop near our building.
Let's go eat there.
There's something in there, though.
Then, you pick a place without them.
The gimbap place next to it doesn't have any, but it also doesn't taste as good.
The gimbap place sounds great.
Hold onto me.
Gang U isn't here?
Team Leader is making his rounds now.
Tae I Ryeong, we see you often.
Because you see me often, do I look like a neighborhood girl to you?
Of course you're a goddess who has descended to our security room.
A goddess.
What's that?
That belongs to our Team Leader.
It's so cute.
Tae I Ryeong, could we take a picture together?
If you keep doing this, you won't be able to go with her tonight.
What?
Gang U... you're so adorable!
Did you get scared and that's why you did this?
Do it again.
Forget it. 
What are you doing here again?
It's possible an article is coming out about us soon.
What?
We had our picture taken together on the subway.
We're meeting with a reporter I know tomorrow.
If you come with me and have a glass of beer, we'll just call you my handsome bodyguard.
But if you don't show up, I'm going to say you're my boyfriend.
You'll be #1 in internet searches.
I'm going now to eat gimbap with Tae Gong Sil.
You can sit next to us and eat radishes, since you're her friend.
Gang U!
It stamped well.
Let's go. 
Let Gong Sil see... that this color... and this color are the same.
Really? 
Then we can go eat gimbap another time.
That's okay. 
I'll be going first.
President hasn't left yet?
He's not here?
I thought you were a ghost!
You'd like it better if I was a ghost.
Then you wouldn't have to worry about anyone else, and you could have me all to yourself.
If you were a ghost, you're the one who would never leave me alone.
I'm really popular with ghosts.
When ghosts look at me, they see me as a really bright sun.
I'm not a ghost, so why am I like that?
What?
Come inside.
Have a seat.
Tae Gong Sil, would you like to just be Candy?
Move out of the boarding house and I'll get you a home.
You'll need a car, too.
Choose one.
Do you want to study?
Go do it. 
I'll pay for it.
President, is there a really big ghost you want me to catch?
Tae Gong Sil, in this situation, a normal reaction would be...
"Thank you" or "Why are you like this?" One of those.
I don't need a big house, because there are more places for ghosts to hide.
As for a car, I do have a license, but I'm afraid something might jump out at me while I'm driving.
I am thinking about studying again.
I think that these days, even if there was a ghost next to me,
I could still take an exam.
Those are all answers that I can't calculate.
I... want the relationship between us to be clear.
When a poor girl like you sticks herself to a rich man like me who won't let her go, people around me keep doing all they can to block it.
If I offer to buy you a house or a car, you should either be indignant or be cute and coy. 
Do it the easy way.
When my aunt was insulting you, you only talked about the vase ghost.
Don't be difficult.
Just be Candy.
Then, I can send you away with certainty.
If I know there's an end, I'm not afraid.
Then, what you mean is you want me to make it easier for you to get rid of me?
If I go into your world and become the only person in it...
I can't tell you to get lost.
That's why I want to make it easier.
You just act like all those other girls and be Candy.
Let's stay up here and play, okay?
If I become Candy, I'll have to leave when you tell me to get lost.
I won't do it.
Then what am I supposed to do?
I told you I'm getting married, but you want me to leave you the basement for your emergency shelter.
When I ask you to be Candy, you say you won't be that.
Do you want me to become the goat and tell you to catch me and eat me?
Is that what you want?
I don't want anything like that.
Why are you having such a hard time?
Are you feeling burdened because you're afraid I might like you?
I don't like you.
Just like I caught the ghost at the hotel,
I'll go and catch the porcelain ghost.
It's not here now. 
Just go home.
Let's go.
Look at this.
After I said all that to you, why aren't you asking me "Why are you like this?" or "What are you doing?"
Actually, on my way here I saw a very scary ajumma.
Let's go.
Where did you see her?
By the entrance.
I think it's her first time here.
Then we should hold hands all the way.
Okay. 
But if you're uncomfortable, I can just hold your finger.
While I was away, you didn't see any other scary things?
I did, but I was able to hold onto your pen and I endured it.
My pen?
Oh, like an amulet.
President, I've been thinking about it.
Just by holding onto your pen,
I was able to make it through the week.
So I think that before you tell me to get lost,
I should be able to leave first.
So don't be too worried.
There will be an end.
The necklace...
I guess she never got it.
Am I really such a burden to him?
Everyone, you need to focus.
After China is the United States.
I will give you 3 years to do it.
If you can't keep up, then go work for Giant Mall.
Secretary Gim, find out the construction plans for Giant Mall.
Cover the inside with mirrors.
It will look beautiful.
Everyone understands all this, right?
I heard that girl and the president stayed together in a suite room.
A suite room?
Hey, he even reserved the whole pool just for them.
Who?
Her.
But then he dumped her.
He's marrying someone else.
If it's that awesome what else can you expect?
I know.
But I'm still envious.
Why should you be?
They are talking about me, right?
If it were me, I'd definitely marry someone else.
Seonbaenim, how is that you have such a dignified and noble manner?
It's really good. 
Have some.
Sickening and repulsive.
Why are you doing this again?
Earlier, you said I was filthy for going to use the bathroom.
Why are you finding fault with everything I do these days?
You're such a petty man.
I've lost my appetite.
This is Gong Sil, too.
I knew about Dooly, but there's even a Gong Sil.
You seem to be having a hard time lately, so I brought Gong Sil to give Gong Sil strength.
Thank you.
She really looks like Dooly.
Dooly is Gong Sil's boyfriend.
Really?
Take good care of Gong Sil.
Okay. 
I'll make reservations for the restaurant.
Is this your office?
It's not very nice.
I heard there's a dinner for all of our friends from school.
They're all curious about you.
Don't you want to see them?
I'll go. 
I should start doing things like this again.
Really? 
Then when the location is decided, I'll text you.
But... there's something I'm very curious about.
What is your relationship with President Ju Jung Won?
Just... the way it looks.
I heard you threw yourself at him, but then he dumped you.
That's what everyone is saying.
If that's what everyone says, I guess it must be right.
That's too bad.
President Ju Jung Won president is famous for his first love curse.
His engagements have been broken several times in the past, but I think he'll really get married this time.
It's too bad that his curse was broken just as you were making your move.
That's true.
What's this?
Gong Sil.
Her name is also Gong Sil.
Is this some kind of Dooly ripoff?
No. 
Dooly is her boyfriend.
Yes. 
I will meet you at the airport when you arrive.
Okay, I'll see you then.
When I go back this time, I'll probably stay for a long time.
Are you going to find this woman?
If she's alive, I have to find her.
The rumor that Master Ju is cursed because of Cha Hui Ju, that always spreads again whenever there's talk of a marriage.
This time, there will also be a lot of that talk going around.
To the President, Cha Hui Ju isn't a curse, but a scar.
If it's a scar, then I hope he can find someone who can heal it.
But it really works the same as a curse.
He won't let anyone come close and chases them away.
That's right.
He always says "get lost."
A person who is stubborn and will never change, and a person who refuses to leave no matter how often you chase them away...
If you put them together, who do you think will win?
Are you talking about the President and me?
I'm on your side all the way!
Say, I heard you're going to dinner with your school friends tomorrow.
Where are you going?
I made reservations for your meeting with Pak Seo Hyeon tomorrow.
The week is almost up. 
Are you going to stop this engagement now?
You're not thinking of continuing with it, are you?
Secretary Gim, I know everything that you're thinking.
I'm not going to tell you.
Honey!
Why has she been treating me like this lately?
It really should be destroyed.
It's your engagement present, so keep it in your house.
Is aunt acting very strangely?
Since she brought this home, she's been ignoring me.
Whenever I try to do anything, she calls me vulgar and tacky.
She told me she doesn't even want to see my shadow.
She never would have said anything like that before.
According to what that young lady said, if there were any problems, we needed to break this.
Even though things seem weird, it's hard to just break something like this because of what she said.
Tae Gong Sil told you break this?
Yes, she did.
It's not like you're going to break your engagement, so how can we break this?
President Ju, you take responsibility.
I'll have her break it and tell her to take responsibility.
You said we should break it.
Should we really?
Is your aunt's condition very bad?
She's very bad, even critical.
She can hardly get out of bed.
I wonder if I should break this or not.
You need to break it.
You know that if I break this, it also means breaking my engagement.
Break it or not?
If that's the case, then you can't break it.
But my aunt is doing very, very badly.
She might even die.
She's my one and only aunt.
Then you should break it.
Then it's decided.
I will trust you and break this.
If this also breaks my engagement, you take responsibility for it.
Why do I have to be responsible for all that?
Because of you, there's no other choice.
She's about to die. 
I have to break it.
I'm breaking it.
No! 
No!
Honey! 
Honey!
What! 
What!
It's okay. 
It's okay.
What was it? 
What was it?
There's nothing here.
Gong Sil, just because of a ghost, you told him to break it.
But everyone will think you told him to break his engagement.
You didn't mean it like that, right?
I think I finally understand how others see you when you're standing next to him.
What should we do?
Gang U.
Is something in there?
Gong Sil and Gong Sil were having a talk.
It's been a week already.
How are you?
Without that person, do you think you'll be okay?
I don't know if I'll be able to survive without him, but now I understand what it looks like when I stand next to him.
Gong Sil really does look best by Dooly's side.
Today you're having your reunion dinner.
Seung Mo told me that you were feeling very nervous.
He's right. 
I haven't seen these friends in a really long time.
When women get together, they like to brag about their boyfriends, right?
I suppose they do.
Then Tae Gong Sil, you should also brag about your boyfriend.
Who? 
Dooly?
If Dooly showed up there tonight, your friends would probably faint.
I think I always liked Ddochi more than Dooly.
That won't do. 
I'll just have to prove Dooly's worth to you.
I'll have to make sure he shows up there.
Team Leader Gang, you're picking the chairman up at the airport today, right?
Yes.
Do you have plans later?
With Miss Tae?
Yes.
Lee Han Ju, since you know a lot of people, tell them all that Gong Sil and the president don't have that kind of relationship.
Who spreads these rumors, anyway?
I know. 
I can't imagine who has such a cheap mouth.
People just gossip so much these days.
I heard that it was someone from the Vice President's security team.
Really? 
There's someone in our security team with such a big mouth?
Find out who it is.
I'll make sure they suffer.
If you can find out, I'll give you free coffee, okay?
Have this.
Lee Han Ju, this is where you are?
The Vice President wants to see you after lunch is over.
Why is the Vice President looking for you?
I wonder.
Why would he?
Then you find out who this person with the big mouth is.
- Okay.
- Okay.
I'll be going now.
This is takeout.
Honey.
What now?
The way you suck those noodles right in sounds so powerful.
It was those sexy lips that made me fall for you.
You've come back!
Just like she said,
I guess breaking that vase must have done the trick.
But Jung Won's important engagement gift, why would he break it?
I wonder.
Maybe he wanted to break his engagement.
Honey.
Ah, you said your brother is coming back today, right?
It's been over a year.
I'm sure he's not coming back to help with Jung Won's wedding.
Could there be some other reason?
Gang U, it's been a long time.
Let's go.
Thanks to you, everything has gone well.
If Kingdom's side was willing,
I would like to continue with the marriage plans.
I'm disappointed to hear that you want to stop now.
Neither of us should feel disappointed.
Since this was only business and we both made very big profits, exactly how much that was, let's just calculate that instead.
It's been so long since we got together.
It's been so long since the last time.
You still look just the same.
Oh, it's Big Sun!
It's really been a long time!
Come over here.
Are you okay?
What's wrong?
Nothing. 
I'm fine, I'm fine.
I guess since we've broken our engagement now,
I can't say that I hope we meet again soon.
I suppose this will look like
I'm another victim of the President Ju Jung Won curse.
That curse is famous.
Kingdom's Master Ju is cursed by a dead first love.
This is already your fourth broken engagement.
Next time, I hope you'll be able to break that curse.
That woman said she was the fourth victim of the curse.
If we got all those curse victims together and played Go Stop, we should be able to sell "gwang do." (bright cards in Go Stop)
Even if we did gather them, it wouldn't be any fun, since they were all chased away by you.
Having a heart that won't accept another heart really is a curse.
If it doesn't change, that curse will never be lifted.
The reason I asked you to stay by Jung Won's side, is because of this photo.
The one on this side is Maria.
I happened to see this in one of Maria's old photo albums.
This girl here... who does she remind you of?
Cha Hui Ju.
Where was this taken?
Was it in England?
That's right.
A girl who not only resembles her, but looks exactly like her was in England.
This was taken one year after Cha Hui Ju died.
Then... does that mean Cha Hui Ju is still alive?
You said Jung Won used that woman, Tae Gong Sil to meet with the dead Cha Hui Ju, right?
When I was in Europe,
I found a living Cha Hui Ju.
Then could it be...
Cha Hui Ju has a twin?
That's the most likely situation.
But truthfully, I also uncovered something very strange.
What's this?
A British girl who had taken this photo, sent Maria these Christmas cards over the last ten years.
The girl in this picture has been traveling and living around the world.
From the dates of these letters, you can see.
L.A. for 3 years,
New York for 4 years,
Beijing for 3 years, living like that.
After the kidnapping incident, my son was always living abroad.
L.A. for 3 years, New York for 4 years, and Beijing for 3 years.
You mean she's always been following President Ju Jung Won?
This girl?
On the last postcard she sent, she wrote a message that she was returning to South Korea.
That was 5 years ago.
That was when Jung Won also returned to South Korea to live.
You think that this woman must be somewhere close to President Ju Jung Won?
That's right.
I think Cha Hui Ju is still alive.
She's been following Jung Won's every move, and now she is somewhere very close to him.
Who was that?
I've never seen her before.
She just moved in recently.
It's Tae Gong Sil.
Ah, I heard she was going to a reunion dinner.
I guess it must have been here.
Your father should have just arrived at his hotel.
Team Leader Gang U will be here very shortly.
Would you like to meet with him and hear what he has to say?
I will speak to my father myself.
You don't need to call Team Leader Gang U over here.
I wasn't asking him to come.
He was already coming here to meet with Miss Tae.
Maybe he's going to join them for dinner.
Wow, Miss Tae.
Today she'll really look good in front of her friends.
Her boyfriend is so tall and handsome.
So, I heard you were in a serious accident.
How are you now? 
Are you all right?
I'm really a lot better.
But, it's really a shame you weren't able to graduate from school.
You had such a great academic record.
What age limit is there for you to be reinstated in school?
I still have some time left.
Gong Sil, tell us about yourself.
We heard you're working at Kingdom, right?
Is that company president really your boyfriend?
Tell them everything like you told me.
How you threw yourself at him and then got rejected.
That's right. 
I've been seeing a very rich and successful man.
How did it start?
One night it was raining very heavily, and I got a ride in a very nice car.
It turned out that person was actually the Kingdom president.
I kept thinking I had to see him again, so I went to look for him.
I was determined to grab onto him.
So then, I got a part-time job there and chased him around.
When he saw that I was lonely and sad,  he gradually started to take care of me.
Your emergency shelter is here.
Hide.
Whenever I had difficult things happen, he would help me  and stay by my side.
He even did an event for me by closing down the entire hotel pool. 
Now that you've heard all that, how do you guys think I look?
Hey, I'm very jealous.
That's fantastic.
So?
The ending is what's important.
That person... is getting married to an heiress very soon.
That's typical.
But even so, I can't break away from him and will stick to him.
I can never leave him.
This is a bit...
Even if I look pathetic and shameless, it can't be helped, because to me, that person... is the most unique and special person in the world.
That would be me.
Tae Gong Sil, I came after breaking off my engagement because of you,
so you take responsibility.
Let's go.
What do you think you're doing?
I finally got the indignant reaction from you.
So now should I show you the cute and coy part?
My baby's heart is a little sad.
Since I want to make her happy,
I will treat all of her friends here to a meal.
Everyone have fun and enjoy yourselves.
My baby, will you come with oppa?
Let's go.
Wow, he's like a supermodel!
So good-looking!
Those two, what are they doing?
If you leave out the radar and emergency shelter part, you and me, everyone will think what's between us is very simple.
Just stop.
I understand.
I see this is all I'm worth in your world.
Tae Gong Sil!
Is something wrong?
What's the matter?
Did something happen?
I was about to take her with me.
Gang U!
What happened?
Tae Gong Sil, why is she like that?
President Ju Jung Won, why was he here?
He said he broke his engagement because of her.
He told her to take responsibility and then he took her.
What about you?
Why did you come here?
Did you also come here because of her?
Yes.
Do you really like Tae Gong Sil?
Yes.
Since you know, you won't keep asking me to be your boyfriend, right?
You said you'd still be available to me.
I just need a little bit of an air hole.
Were you afraid I'd ask for something more?
Yes, I'm afraid.
Can you really be next to me and not have other feelings?
If you only think of me as a marble emergency shelter, when you can live without me, will you just get lost and leave on your own?
I already promised you I would.
I'm like that now.
Can I believe you?
Even if you trampled me so pitifully, if something scary suddenly popped out,
I would still probably run and grab onto you.
That's how I am.
It's not like you don't know that, President.
Okay, fine.
I will believe you.
From now on, I will do whatever I feel like doing.
From here on, you can handle everything on your own.
Thank you.
I can handle anything.
Really?
Then start with this...
See if you can handle it.
Taeyang,
I think...
I'm in love with you.
Now what are you going to do?

Subtitles by DramaFever
Here they come now.
That's the lady who'll be marrying our President Joo.
- It's nice to see you, Sa Yeon.
- Nice to see you.
Yes, it's nice to see you as well.
Why don't we go upstairs?
Is that young lady your employee?
- She keeps looking over here.
- Stop looking at her and let's just go.
Because this whole thing is killing me.
Go on ahead without me.
Have you been well this past week?
You don't look like you've been too bad.
I myself felt like I was going to die.
President Joo, are you really getting married?
Aren't you even curious?
Aren't you curious to know what this woman thinks of you?
Secret, my butt.
- I can see it written all over your face.
- Do you see something?
Something that's as scary to me as the ghosts that you see.
President Joo.
Are you getting married because you want to avoid being around me?
Tae Gong Shil.
Do you think that you're important enough to have an effect on my decision to marry?
No.
Then that would mean that you don't have the right to ask me why nor do I have any responsibility to you to answer that question, would it?
Yes.
Episode 10.
Your aunt already went up.
Let's go.
I know I've already told you this, but I really hate being touched.
Even if you think that you might fall flat on your face try not to touch me unless you absolutely have to.
Our Master Joo is such a jerk even to the woman that he's going to marry.
Why is he marrying her if he doesn't even want her to touch him?
He should've told me about it sooner.
He's such a jerk.
Tae Gong Shil.
Kang Woo.
Did you not know that President Joo is to be married?
No, I didn't.
It's just such sudden news, and I feel a little flustered by it.
Didn't President Joo turn around and come back from his business trip on the day of Ruijjang's concert?
Did something happen that night when you two saw each other?
He came back here that night?
Then... that man that I saw that night was President Joo?
So, he did... come back to see you.
I was so out of it that day, and I wasn't really being myself.
I must've met with President Joo when Ruijjang's wife took over my body.
I wonder what those two talked about?
Secret, my butt.
I can see it written all over your face.
She must've told him my secret.
Your secret?
I think she must've told President Joo about me liking him.
What should I do?
Even though I need you need the partnership, is it okay to be getting married like this?
Yes, it is.
Because I calculated that up here, and I got the answer for it.
It's just that Ms. Tae looked really shocked and flustered by the news.
What are you going to do?
The reason why I can't get an answer on that woman no matter how I calculate it... is because she wasn't up here... but it was because I held her somewhere else.
Even though it shocked me to my core, I accepted what I needed to accept.
Then you should let her know about it, too.
And you should also let her know that you're not really going to be getting married.
I don't want to.
Chief Secretary Kim.
The fact that I'm still not reading... or the reason why I still can't read... is not because of this up here, but it's because of a problem down here.
I want to live my life churning the wheel up here, which works just fine for me.
Since Ms. Tae is someone who can see spirits... wouldn't she be able to see your problems clearly and comfort you?
In that case, when I die, I'll return as a ghost... and I'll go see her then.
I think he's trying to get rid of me.
I can't be without President Joo.
Does he have to be the only one whom you can run to when you want to hide?
He's the only one in the world whom I can rely on to do that.
I barely got him to allow me near him after clinging onto him all this time.
Marrying another woman and having her remain by his side probably means that he doesn't want you to remain by his side.
Now that he's planning on getting married...
I'm sure that he'll just tell me to get lost if he knows that I like him.
I thought you said that you liked him.
When he ignores you like that... don't you find it painful?
In your world...
I'm probably just another candy girl and President Joo, the knight in shining armor?
But in my world, I'm just a radar that can see ghosts and President Joo is the safety shelter where I can run and hide.
I can't be a candy girl.
Because that man... has no intentions of being the prince.
But since I can still be useful as a radar...
I think he'll allow me to remain by his side.
I think I should go and talk to him.
President Joo.
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.
What?
I didn't get to tell you this earlier because I was in a state of shock.
So, congratulations on your upcoming marriage.
I hope that you'll be very happy.
Why are you acting like this?
You're frightening me.
Since you're now going to become someone else's home sweet home.
I'm sure that you'll feel burdened by having to play the role of my defensive shield.
But, I really hope that you won't get rid of your shield completely.
Can you leave your shield available for me somewhere below?
I'll try to stay away from you in a safe distance so you wouldn't feel burdened.
But, can I still use it very lightly whenever I needed it?
Home sweet home?
I don't like sweets.
Then... just hurry up and have a son.
If you have a son who has the same abilities as you do then you can hire me as his caretaker and I'll take care of him for free as his nanny.
You barge in out of nowhere, and you're going way off tangent.
And now, you're telling me to bear a son?
Tae Gong Shil.
Are you acting like this because of the secret that walnut cracking lady told me about?
Did that wife tell you about my secret?
No, I didn't hear it.
A secret is meant to be keep hidden.
There's no reason for me to dig around it.
I politely declined her offer and told her that I didn't want to hear it.
- Aren't you grateful?
- You said that?
It wasn't anything that special.
I didn't hear what the secret was... but the way you're acting is making it way too obvious.
Your lousy lies makes me really wonder if you really want to keep your secret hidden.
You barge in here to tell me what?
'Congratulations' and 'Be happy'?
That pattern is just like that famous candy girl... who's always talking about how she won't cry no matter how sad or lonely she is.
No.
This might actually be even easier.
You go out of your way to congratulate me.
You even told me that you won't interfere in my new home sweet home... and now, you're telling me that you want be to an honorary aunt to my future son.
Just so that you don't feel too embarrassed...
I'm just going to pretend that I didn't see or hear anything.
Satisfied?
You seem to be mistaken about something.
The person whom I told that wife that I liked... it isn't you, but it's someone else.
You know who it is, don't you?
I... really like sweet things.
To be honest...
I stick to you because you're my defensive shield.
But as a woman, I really can't stand filthy, lousy jerks like yourself.
Good. 
I'm grateful to hear that I'm not your type.
Then, I'll just leave before you can tell me to get lost.
I always hated hearing you say that.
Wait.
Get lost.
If she was going to use an excuse, she should've thought of something else.
But why of all things, did it have to be Kang Candy?
Hello.
Ms. Tae Gong Shil, Madame Joo would like to see you.
If you're amazing enough to become Ruijjang's muse.
Then, I'm going to assume that you might have an artistic eye.
Anyways, I called you in here to have you take a look at this.
Why don't you open it and take out what's inside?
This box?
It's a piece of pottery.
Joong Won's fiancee's family sent that to us as an engagement gift.
An artistic piece like that shouldn't be compared in monetary value but this piece is extremely...
Do you know how much this thing is worth?
I'm sorry. 
It just gave me a bit of a shock.
You do look shocked.
It's too overwhelming of a piece for you to handle, isn't it?
What would you have done if you had broken it?
Isn't it terrifying even just thinking about it?
Makes you think that maybe you never should've touched it in the first place, right?
Yes.
Don't touch things like that.
It's not good for you.
- What?
- Ms. Tae Gong Shil.
This porcelain is too precious for you to just refer to it 'as that thing'.
I know that people think that this thing is precious and valuable.
This is nothing but a jug that was used to carry water around in.
Stop saying that it's too precious to be touched by just anybody.
It's just going to get more arrogant and cocky.
What?
Are you directing that towards me right now?
No, I was just referring to this pottery piece.
Okay, fine.
Don't even think about using this vase as an excuse to break up Joong Won's engagement.
I was just trying to find a nice roundabout way of telling you that.
But, what? 
Arrogant and cocky?
I'm sorry.
I was just talking about this pottery piece.
This was originally just a water vase that was used to carry water.
The feelings of a person looking at it can be transferred over to the vase which could bring out strange and unnatural things.
If you get lured in the wrong way, you'll have no choice but to break it.
Are you not getting what I'm saying because I'm saying it too nicely?
Are you saying that you'll do whatever it takes to break up Joong Won's wedding?
You're a real troublemaker, aren't you?
It seems that you're not getting what I'm saying because you can't see it.
I just went to see him to congratulate him on his upcoming wedding.
You could get yourself into big trouble if you handle this pottery the wrong way.
You really need to be cautious of it.
That thing really should be broken to pieces.
You could get possessed by it.
Bang Shil... fighting.
Something scary is in this thing?
Possessed?
That Bang Shil is talking about herself.
Did you get called into the VP's office and get reamed out?
I was a little scared.
What did she do? 
Did she throw money at you or something?
No.
I saw a ghost.
I gave her a warning, but she didn't seem to hear me.
Really?
Everyone's going around whispering about you.
They're saying that President Joo dumped you when you threw yourself at him.
In everyone's eye... 
I'm just a candy girl who threw herself at him.
Ghosts are the only ones that I can count on to understand me at times like this.
Now that there's talks of marriage...
you'll have to get rid of her, right?
I have no intentions of doing that.
I just mentioned the marriage just so I can play it safe.
You're going to continue to keep her at your side?
- Did she tell you that she won't go?
- I'm the one who won't send her away.
Since I can't go without seeing her
I got engaged just so that I can put a safe distance between us.
But, I'm going to continue to see her.
For how long?
Until... 
I no longer want to see her.
I wonder if this is what scared her.
When we told her how expensive it was she almost dropped it and broke it from the shock of hearing that.
I doubt that she was shocked from the cost of it.
I wonder if something is in here.
- Joong Won.
- Do you know how much this is worth?
She's not someone that you can intimidate by flaunting your money.
So, please don't do that anymore from now on.
- What got into him?
- President Joo... fighting.
'Big Sun' is dating Kingdom's president?
What a joke.
President Joo is marrying the heiress of Sejin Construction.
Really?
Mi Kyung, who works at the Kingdom hotel said she saw him throwing an event for her.
I'm sure they just fooled around.
To be honest, even if they did fool around, their level is just way too different.
Why? 
What are you saying is wrong with 'Big Sun'?
She's smart, pretty, athletic with a great personality to boot.
To be honest... she wasn't the 'Big Sun' for no reason.
When I heard that she was dating the president of Kingdom
I thought to myself that 'Big Sun' has more than what it takes to date someone like him.
You need to see Tae Gong Shil for yourselves to come to your senses.
Want to meet up with her?
Let's set a date.
You're going to be quite shocked.
You okay?
What did you see in that pottery piece?
Did something scary follow you in here?
No, it didn't follow me in here.
Tell your aunt that the pottery is dangerous and she needs to be careful.
- She doesn't want to listen to me.
- Why didn't you come to me?
I didn't say you that I'll avoid you if you come to me when you needed me.
You told me to keep the defensive shield available to you for you to use but why aren't you using it?
Can I be honest with you?
Go on, I'm listening.
I don't want the person I like to misunderstand.
Are you going to continue to argue that Kang Candy is the one you like?
Are you going to continue to misunderstand and think you're the one I like?
Misunderstanding?
I once read a comic about a wolf that met a lamb on a stormy day.
The wolf needed to catch and eat the lamb in order to survive but he fell in love with the lamb. 
So, he couldn't kill it and almost starved to death.
To survive, he needs to see his prey for what it is.
He can't look at the lamb as an object of his affection.
Isn't that foolish of him?
I'm not going to be that foolish.
So what you're saying is...
You, the wolf... is going to think of me, the lamb... as just part of the food chain that you need for your survival?
Yes.
So, stop asking me if the wolf likes the lamb.
Okay, fine.
Let's just say that's how the wolf felt, but what about the lamb?
In that story, the lamb liked the wolf too.
Then what happened?
The lamb really liked the wolf.
So, the lamb told the wolf...
'Wolf, I want you to eat me.'
That lamb must be crazy.
The wolf isn't going to eat the lamb just because of what it said.
Not when the wolf liked the lamb.
I can tell you about the secret I heard.
- I don't want to know.
- Why?
You're afraid that once you know...
the calculations won't add up, right?
Right.
Maybe I should've heard her out.
Ugh, whatever.
The chairman told me that he'll be back in Korea if his son is truly planning on getting married.
What should I report to him in regards to this upcoming wedding?
The truth is... this marriage is a fake.
It's just business for both parties.
If I accept your proposal... does it mean that Sejin Construction will have a new owner?
I wasn't living abroad to study.
I've been living in exile.
But if I use the wedding as an excuse to come back to Korea
I can avoid my stepmother's control.
Then I can figure out the false names written under bed-ridden father's stocks and gain control.
I'm going to transform Sejin Construction to Sejin Cement Company.
Will a week's time be enough for the false wedding pretense?
If you'll help me, I'll lend you my support by giving Kingdom the wings it needs to expand your presence in Shanghai.
I accept your proposal.
In a week's time... this wedding could turn into nothing.
You can tell to the chairman.
There's no need for him to go out of his way and change his schedule.
Is Ms. Tae Gong Shil aware of this?
No, she's not aware.
Make sure that you don't say anything before Master Joo talks to her.
I understand.
I prefer the simplicity of the white porcelain over the flash of celadon.
Doesn't it remind you of a dignified scholar?
Don't touch it so carelessly. 
She said it's not good to touch it.
- You should just look at it.
- That's just a bunch of crock.
Honey.
What do you think you're doing?
Who cares?
- No one's even around.
- What about me?
Didn't I tell you that I can't stand any indecent behaviors?
Go scratch in the bathroom.
Okay.
How is it that I fell for a man like that?
He's not my usual type.
I've always loved men who are more like dignified scholars.
Who are you?
Why did a dignified scholar like yourself...
call me out here?
When are you ever going to fix that annoying sleep habit of yours?
I've always had that habit.
Why are you waking me up and yelling at me about it now?
It wasn't long ago when you told me I looked cute in my sleep.
How undignified.
Go sleep in the guest room!
I was having a nice meeting with a gentle scholar.
You were meeting with whom?
I need to get into the Vice President's office.
I'll come with you.
No, you can't. 
I think it would be better for you not to go.
Is there... a ghost in there?
I saw something in there.
That's why I just want to stop in there and check something out.
Give me the key to the office, and I'll go by myself.
I'll come with you.
If I don't go check it for myself...
I won't be able to walk past the Vice President's office anymore.
I'll go get the key.
Let's go.
Are you going to continue to stay here?
I've got a lot of things that I need to take care of since coming back.
You may go home since you're already done for the day.
Okay.
I wonder if I should ask Ms. Tae if she needs a ride home.
No, I'm sure Team Leader Kang will take her home.
He wanted me to hear that.
I didn't hear anything.
What is this?
Did she go home already?
Kang Woo.
You can hold onto me if you're scared.
Then please excuse me while I lean on you for a bit.
I don't want to cling onto you like a kid.
I'm more used to this position.
Okay.
But... can you loosen up your grip a little?
Okay, I'll loosen up my grip.
Let's see here.
I don't see the vase, nor the ghost around here.
You don't see anything?
- Doesn't any of this scare you at all?
- I'm scared, too.
It's just that I'm a little bit more used to all this than you are.
Is that why you've been living in hiding?
Out of fear?
I've lived for so long hiding out in my little apartment.
Since I met President Joo...
things have gotten much better.
I noticed how my life changed once I found a little room to breathe in.
President Joo can give you something that I can never give you.
But... he's getting married soon.
I don't think I can continue to stay by his side like I do now.
In a week's time... the wedding is going to become nothing.
Tae Gong Shil.
How about you test yourself to see if you can live without him?
This past week you were still able to come to work, and function just fine while he was away on his business trip.
I don't know if I'll be able to refrain myself from sticking myself to him if I have him nearby.
Why don't you give yourself about a week to think about it?
If you decide that you'll be fine without him, then even if things end up changing... you shouldn't go to his side.
It'll only hurt you.
Why don't you wait for me and we can go home together?
There's a new diner that opened right by our house that's pretty good.
- Let's stop there on our way home.
- There's a ghost at that diner.
Then how about you take us to where there aren't any ghosts?
There aren't any ghosts at the diner next door that sells kimbap.
- But the food is horrible there.
- Kimbap sounds good to me.
Here, hold onto me.
Is Kang Woo here?
Team Leader Kang is doing his rounds.
You're around quite a bit lately.
Why? 
Do you think that I look like just another lady in the neighborhood too?
No, you're a goddess.
You're the goddess of our security office.
What is that?
That belongs to Team Leader Kang.
It's cute.
I'm sorry to ask you this, Yi Ryung...
but can I take a picture with you?
If you keep acting like this... you won't be able to do anything with her.
- What the heck?
- Kang Woo.
You're so adorable!
Did you just do this...
because you got scared?
- Do it again.
- Forget it.
Why are you here again?
There may be an article about you and I in the tomorrow's papers.
- What?
- People took picture of us on that train.
I'm meeting with a reporter friend of mine in the morning.
If you'll come out for a drink with me right now
I'll just say that you're my personal bodyguard.
But if you turn me down again, I'm going to say that you're my boyfriend.
I bet that bit of news will become the number one searched topic on the web.
In that case, I'm going to go out for a late night snack with Tae Gong Shil.
Why don't you come along and have some pickled radish at the table next to us?
Aren't you her friend?
Kang Woo.
That came out well.
Let's go.
Let's go show it to Gong Shil.
Let's show her how the color on my lips is a perfect match to the one on your shirt.
Really?
Then we can go out for kimbap some other time.
Yes, I understand.
I'll go on home first.
President Joo is still here?
Is he not here?
- I thought you were a ghost!
- You'd like it better if I was a ghost.
Because then you wouldn't have to worry about sharing me with anyone else and you can have me all to yourself.
If you really were a ghost it wouldn't be me hanging onto you, but you'd be the one clinging onto me.
I'm pretty popular with the ghosts.
The ghosts see me as a brightly glowing sun.
So, why am I being like this when I'm not even a ghost?
- Excuse me?
- Come in.
Sit down.
Tae Gong Shil.
Want to be my candy girl anyways?
Move out of that hole you live in.
I'll get you a nice house.
I'm sure you'll be needing a car, too.
Pick whatever you want.
Want to go back to school?
Go ahead, I'll pay for it.
Is there a really big ghost that you need me to help you catch?
Tae Gong Shil, can't you react like a normal person?
At times like this, you should either say, 'Thank you.' or 'Why are you doing this'.
I don't need a big house because it just means more room for ghosts to hide in.
I have a driver's license, but I'm too scared that something's going to pop out at me while driving, so I don't need a car.
And as for going back to school, I've been thinking about that, too.
I think I'll be able to handle taking the exams even if I had a ghost next to me.
All the responses that you're giving me are answers that I can't compute.
I want the relationship between you and I to be clearer.
A poor and tacky woman comes barging into my life and a successful wealthy man like myself won't leave your side when everyone else around him is telling him that it's ridiculous to get involved.
If I offer to buy you a car and a house you should react by either complaining about it or getting all cutesy.
You only speaks of the ghost when my aunt is insulting you.
It's difficult for me to comprehend. 
Make it easy for me, and be the candy girl.
Then I'll be able to get rid of you with certainty when the time comes.
I'm not afraid when I can clearly see the end.
You're trying to make it easier for you to get rid of me later on?
If I go into your world and become the only person you can rely on in your world then I can't... tell you to get lost.
That's why...
I want you to just be a candy girl like every other girl out there. 
It will be easier.
Let's just play up here, okay?
If I was to become your candy girl, you can just tell me to get lost at any time.
I'm not going to do it.
Then what is it that I'm supposed to do?
When I told you that I'm getting married... you asked me to leave a small room for you to use as your shield.
And when I tell you to be my candy girl and just fool around you tell me that you have no intentions of getting lost.
What is it that you want?
Are you waiting for me to turn into a lamb and offer myself up to you?
I don't expect anything from you.
Why are you having such a hard time?
Are you feeling burdened because you're afraid that I might like you?
I don't like you.
I'll just go catch the vase ghost like the way I caught that water ghost.
It's not here.
Just go home.
Let's go.
See?
Even after everything that you just heard me say to you you still didn't ask me what I'm doing and why I'm holding your hand.
The truth is... 
I saw a very scary looking lady ghost on my way up here.
Let's go.
- Where did you see it?
- By the door.
I don't think I've ever seen her around here before.
Then I guess we'll have to hold hands the whole way home.
Yes.
If it makes you uncomfortable, I can just hold onto one of your fingers.
Did you see any other ghosts while I was away on my business trip?
Yes, I did. 
I was able to endure it while clutching tightly onto your pen.
My pen?
The talisman.
President Joo, I've been thinking about it...
I was able to get on just fine on my own this past week with your pen alone.
So, I think that given some time
I think I'd be able to leave you on my own before you tell me to get lost for good.
So, there's no need for you to worry.
There will be an end to this.
The necklace.
I guess she never found the necklace.
I wonder if he finds me...
that burdensome.
Let's all keep our minds focus on targeting America after China.
You have three years to infiltrate the American market.
Make sure that none of our competition gets wind of this.
Chief Secretary Kim, please make sure that everyone gets this note.
I want the building to look like a giant mirror that will blind everyone with its beauty.
I heard that girl over there stayed at a hotel suite with President Joo.
A suite?
I even heard that he rented out the whole swimming pool for her.
- Who?
- Over there.
But... 
I heard he dumped her.
I heard he's getting married to some other woman.
- What do you expect from a one night stand?
- That's what I thought.
But I still feel jealous.
Why would you feel jealous of that?
I think they're talking about me.
How is it that you're so dignified, refined and elegant?
Wow, that's good.
Here, try some.
How disgusting and uncouth.
Why are you being like this now?
Earlier, you tell me that I was being disgusting for using the bathroom often.
Why do you nitpick at everything that I do lately?
Why are you being so catty as a man?
I've lost my appetite.
Her name is Gong Shil, too.
I know about Dooley, but I didn't know there was a Gong Shil.
You seemed to be struggling a lot lately.
I brought Gong Shil to help cheer you up.
Thank you.
She looks a lot like Dooley.
Gong Shil is Dooley's girlfriend.
Really?
Take good care of Gong Shil for me, okay?
Okay, I'll make the reservation at the restaurant.
I'll see you later.
Is this your office?
It's really dingy in here.
I heard that all our friends from high school are getting together for dinner.
They're all curious to see how you're doing.
Are you going to come?
I'll come.
I think it's about time for me to start going out to things like that.
Really?
Once I figure out the time and the place, I'll text you and let you know.
But... there's something that I'm really curious about.
What is your relationship with President Joo Joong Won?
We just... see each other for what we are.
I heard that he dumped you when you flung yourself at him?
That's what everyone says.
If that's how everyone sees it, then I guess that's what it is.
That's too bad.
I heard that President Joo's been cursed by his lost first love...
That's why he's had several broken engagements.
But it looks like his current engagement might really work out this time.
Too bad that the curse got lifted when you go into the picture.
No kidding.
What's that?
Gong Shil. 
Her name is Gong Shil, too.
Is this a Dooley knockoff?
No, she's Dooley's girlfriend.
Yes.
I'll be there to pick you up from the airport.
Okay, I'll see you then.
Once I'm in Korea, I may have to stay there for a while.
Are you going to find this woman?
If she's still alive...
then I'll find her.
Master Joo...
The rumor about Master's Joo's being cursed by Cha Hee Joo always gets talked about whenever there's talk of Master Joo getting married.
I'm sure people will start talking again now.
But to President Joo, Cha Hee Joo isn't a curse but an old scar.
If it's a scar... then all he needs is for someone to come around and help heal him.
But I don't know if it's really a curse because he shuts everyone out and doesn't let anyone get close to him.
You're right.
He's always telling people to get lost.
A stubborn person who always say that he'll never change... and a person who never lose the courage and stays whenever she's told to get lost...
When those two come head to head...
who do you think will win at the end?
Are you referring to President Joo and I?
I'm totally on your side.
By the way... 
I heard that you're going out to a classmate reunion tomorrow?
Where are you meeting them?
A reservation has been made for you and Park Seo Yeon for tomorrow.
It's been almost a week now. 
Are you going to quit this engagement now?
You're not planning on continuing with this charade, are you?
I know exactly what it is that you're thinking.
I'm not telling you.
Honey.
I wonder what her deal with me is lately?
You have to break that thing.
It'll possess you.
Since this is your engagement gift...
you can keep it here.
Is my aunt acting really weird?
She's been disrespectful to me ever since she came into contact with this thing
Whenever I try to do anything, she tells me how tacky and uncouth I am.
She even told me once that she can't stand the sight of me.
She's never said that to me before.
According to Gong Shil... she said that we need to break this thing if any problem occurred.
Even though what she said is weighing on me
I can't exactly break it because she said that.
Tae Gong Shil...
- told you to break this?
- That's what she said.
But how can we break this thing when you're not breaking off your engagement?
You take responsibility for it.
I'll have her break it and tell her to take responsibility.
I heard that you told them to break this?
Should I really break it?
Is your aunt really sick?
Yes, I heard that she's really sick.
I heard that she's in a critical condition.
She can't even get out of bed lately.
I don't know if I should break this or not.
Then you should break it, but...
Know that once I break this, it breaks off my engagement too.
Break it or not?
Then you can't break it.
My aunt... is very, very sick.
She's pretty much on her deathbed.
She's my one and only aunt.
Then you need to break it.
Then, it's decided. 
I'm taking your word for it, and breaking it.
Once my engagement is broken off, you have to take responsibility for that, too.
Why do I have to take responsibility for all that?
Because I'm breaking it since I have no other choice.
- I'm breaking it.
- No... no!
Honey! 
Honey!
- Honey!
- What? 
What is it?
- Honey!
- What's wrong?
It's okay. 
Are you okay?
What was that?
What was that thing?
There's nothing in here.
Gong Shil.
You just told him to break it to get rid of the ghost.
But people are going to think that you told him to break off his engagement.
But that's not what you meant to do, right?
I think I finally get how others view you as they see you standing next to him.
What should we do?
Kang Woo.
Is... something in there?
Gong Shil was just talking to Gong Shil.
It's been a week now.
How do you feel?
Do you think that you'll be able to survive without him?
I'm not really sure if I'll be able to survive without him.
But I finally realized how others view Gong Shil as she stand by his side.
Gong Shil... fits in best when she remains by Dooley's side.
Didn't you say that you have your reunion tonight?
Seung Mo told me that you're very nervous about it.
He's right.
I haven't seen any of those friends in a really long time.
When a group of girls gets together... they all brag about their boyfriends, right?
Yes, I'm sure they do.
Then... you should brag about your boyfriend, too.
Who? 
Dooley?
If Dooley shows up at dinner tonight, I bet it'll knock all your friends over.
But... 
I think I remember liking Ddochi more than Dooley.
This isn't going to work.
In order for Dooley to prove his worth, I'll have to make sure that he shows up there.
Team Leader Kang.
You're going out to pickup the Chairman today, aren't you?
- Yes.
- Do you have any plans afterwards?
With Ms. Tae?
Yes.
Sine you have a good reputation...
I want you to tell people that my sister and President Joo isn't like that.
Just who in the world is going around spreading those rumors?
No kidding.
I have no idea who's going around blabbing those rumors.
People are just so gossipy these days.
I've been keeping my ears open
I think it's someone from the Vice President's security team.
Really?
I didn't know there was such a blabbermouth like that in our office.
Find out who it is for me. 
I'll go teach that person a lesson.
If you'll find out who it is, I'll take care of all your coffee needs.
Here, have this too.
There you are.
Vice President wants to see you in his office after lunch.
- Why would the he want to see you?
- I'm not sure.
I wonder why?
Then go and find out who the blabbermouth is.
I'm going to get going.
I'll take this with me.
Honey.
What now?
Even the way you slurp your noodle is just so manly.
It was your sexy lips that made me fall for you.
You're back!
I guess breaking that vase really was the right thing to do like she said.
But why did Joong Won break that precious engagement gift?
I'm not sure.
I guess he wanted to break off the engagement.
Honey.
Didn't you say that your brother is coming back today?
It's been a year since his last visit.
I'm sure he's not coming back to help Joong Won with his wedding plans.
I wonder what he's coming back for?
Long time no see, Kang Woo.
Shall we go?
Thanks to you, everything went very well.
If it's agreeable with Kingdom, I'd like to keep the marriage plans going.
But it's a little disappointing to hear that you want to stop now.
Neither one of us has anything to be disappointed about.
Since this was just a business arrangement and we both profit quite a bit from it.
Why don't we calculate and see how profitable this has been for both of us?
'Big Sun'!
It's been so long!
Come sit down over here.
Are you okay?
What's wrong?
No, it's okay. 
It's nothing.
Anyways, since our engagement has been called off
I guess I can't say that I'll see you around.
I wonder if this makes me another victim to President Joo Joong Won's curse?
That curse is famous.
Master Joo of Kingdom is cursed by his dead first love.
You've already had four broken engagements, right?
I hope that you can break off the curse before your next engagement.
That woman... just told me that she's the fourth victim to the curse.
If all the women who's fallen victim to the curse gets together and gambles...
I bet they'll all be able to win their bets.
I doubt it'll be any fun for them to get together.
Since they were all dumped by you.
A heart that won't ever receive another's heart is a curse in itself.
Without change... the curse can never be lifted.
The reason why I put you on Joong Won's trail... is because of this picture.
This is Maria.
I accidentally ran across this picture in one of Maria's photo albums.
Who does this girl remind you of someone?
It's Cha Hee Joo.
Where was this picture taken?
- Was it taken in England?
- That's right.
A girl that looked just like her was in England.
This picture was taken a year after Cha Hee Joo's death.
Then... does this mean that Cha Hee Joo's still alive?
Didn't you tell me that Joong Won came in contact with dead Cha Hee Joo through a woman named Tae Gong Shil?
I discovered a living Cha Hee Joo in Europe.
Then could it be that...
Cha Hee Joo has a twin?
That's the most plausible explanation.
But I discovered something very strange.
What is all this?
Those are all the Christmas cards... that Maria received from the girl in the picture for the past ten years.
The girl in the picture moved around and lived all over the world.
If you look at it in the chronological order that these cards were sent... she lived in L.A. for three years, in New York for four years and she's lived in China for three years.
After the kidnapping incident, Joong Won lived abroad in other countries.
Three years in L.A., four years in New York, and three years in China.
She's been following President Joo around?
This woman here?
She wrote to say that she was moving back to Korea in her last card to Maria.
That was sent five years ago.
And that's when Joong Won moved back to Korea himself.
Do you believe... that this woman is watching over President Joo?
That's right.
I believe that Cha Hee Joo is still alive.
Ever since the incident, she's been following Joong Won's every move and that she's still in very close proximity to him.
Who is she?
- I've never seen her around here before.
- She moved in here recently.
Tae Gong Shil.
So, this is where she was having her classmate reunion.
I just received news that your father has arrived at the hotel.
Team Leader Kang Woo will be here soon.
Would you like to stay and speak to him about how your father is doing?
I'll meet with my father and speak to him myself directly.
There's no need to tell Team Leader Kang Woo to come here.
He's not coming because I asked him.
Team Leader Kang Woo is coming here to see Ms. Tae.
I think he's planning on joining them for dinner.
I bet that'll make Ms. Tae look good in front of her classmates tonight.
To have them see how good looking her boyfriend is.
So, I heard that you were in a bad accident?
But are you okay now?
Yeah, I'm much better now.
It's such a shame that you never got to graduate from school with your smarts.
What's the age limit on how late you have to get reinstated at school?
There's still some time left.
Gong Shil.
- Tell us some stories about yourself.
- You work at Kingdom, right?
Is President Joo of Kingdom really your boyfriend?
Why don't you tell them exactly what you told me?
Just how you threw yourself at him...
and how he dumped you.
She's right.
I was dating a man who's very successful and extremely rich.
How did you meet?
It was a rainy night.
And I was able to hitch a ride in a really fancy car.
And it turns out that the man in that car was the president of Kingdom.
I knew I had to see him again, so I went to find him.
I knew that I had to grab onto him.
So I got a part time job there, and chased him around.
When I told him how sad and lonely I was, he finally allowed me to be near him.
Your defensive shield is here.
Hide.
He helped me out whenever I was struggling with something and he remained by my side.
He even rented out a whole swimming pool at his hotel to throw me a surprise event.
Now that you've heard my story...
how do I look to you guys?
- I'm totally jealous.
- It must be so nice for you.
Then what?
The ending is the most important part.
He's... soon going to marry a rich heiress.
That's what I thought.
But I still haven't gone away, and I'm sticking right by his side.
Because I can't leave him.
That's a little...
Even if that makes me look pathetic and shameless there's nothing I can do about it.
Because to me... that man is very special. 
He's unlike anyone else in this world.
That would be me.
Tae Gong Shil.
I just broke off my engagement because of you.
So, take responsibility.
Let's go.
What are you doing here?
As expected, there you go with your complaints.
Then should I get all cutesy with you now?
I can see that my baby is very upset.
As a way of appeasing her, let me treat you all to dinner.
Please stay and enjoy yourselves.
My baby... shall we go?
Let's go.
What are those two doing right now!
Once we omit anything about you being a radar, and me a shield
It's much simpler for others to understand what we have between us.
You can stop it now. 
I get it.
I see this is all I amount to in your world.
Tae Gong Shil.
What's wrong?
What's the matter?
Is something wrong?
I'm taking her with me.
Kang Woo.
What's going on? 
Why is Tae Gong Shil upset?
What is President Joo doing here?
He said he broke off his engagement for her.
He said he came to get her so that she can take responsibility.
What about you?
Why did you come here?
Did you come here for her, too?
Yeah, I did.
Do you really like Tae Gong Shil?
Yes, I do.
Now that you know...
Will you stop asking me to be your boyfriend now?
You told me that I could still use you.
All I need is a tiny space for me to breathe in.
Are you so afraid that I might want you for something else?
That's right, I am afraid.
Can you really remain by my side and not want for anything else?
Can you really just use me as your shield?
Can you really go away on your own once you figured out how to be by yourself?
I told you that I would.
I'm trying to do that right now.
Can I trust you on that?
No matter how badly you just stomped over me right now,
I will still run right into your arms if something scary jumps out at me.
That's what I'm like.
It's not like you're unaware of that.
Okay, fine. 
I'll trust you.
I'm just going to do whatever I want from now on.
You can take care of everything on your own from now on.
Thank you. 
I can handle anything.
Is that so?
Then start by seeing how well you can handle this.
Ms. Tae.
It seems that I'm in love with you.
What are you going to do now?
Subtitles by DramaFever

Naked's what I call my way of cooking.
What I cook in the restaurant isn't what I cook at home.
Cooking's gotta be a laugh.
It's gotta be simple
- it's gotta be tasty - it's gotta be fun.
I suppose you could say it's stripping down the recipe to its bare essentials.
Now way it's not me.
It's food.
So big boy are you going to come round tonight or what?
Sure.
What's happening are you cooking dinner.
Yeah but I mean I could really do with a bit of a hand.
I'm going to do like this Thai...
scallops, clams and stuff.
And er 
- I'm going to do roast leg of lamb, just roast potatoes and stuff and some baked fruit.
Lovely - who's coming?
I've asked Jeff 
- I've asked Brenley - and er - the other guys from the cafe.
I've got my old table football out mate - do you fancy your chances?
FA cup finals - just gotta get out of here...
Right I'll see you - well come round as soon as you can yeah
- take care.
I really really like roast lamb
- I mean a roast anything but I love roast lamb and I do do it quite often.
My mum used to do it a lot as well but er - you know
- I love it with just like Malvern sea salt over and roasted in the oven
- that's lovely.
But I kind of get bored with doing the same thing all the time so I'm always trying to have like new ways of getting sort of flavour right stuck in there.
So first things first - what I want to do is get a knife and stick the knife down next to the bone at one end and just push your finger in there night - so that just makes a bit of room.
And then - at this end do the same again
- right next to the bone - stick your finger in there.
Then in about sort of about 8 places around the lamb you want to get your knife about an inch and a half okay and stick it in at an angle okay and then shove your hand in there
- your finger in there.
And just do that kind of randomly but kind of equally and let's do it on the other side as well.
One more I reckon.
Lovely - so that's that done.
Put that in the tray.
Now we're talking about flavour here - so what we'll do
- I've got this sage here 
- I'm going to rip off just half of it so it's so it's just the leaves and I'm gonna keep that for later and then this half I'm going to put in a pestle and mortar with a clove of garlic.
It seems a very simple thing to do if you've got kind of chefs coming round
- I'd expect you to do something incredibly posh and fussy I suppose.
Yeah well the funny thing is
- is if you imagine chefs like the hours they do and stuff like that right
- it's almost in their own time they wanna kind of be a little bit more sort of relaxed about it you know what I mean?
So I know as long as I give them a really nice cooked piece of lamb you know
- they're gonna be well chuffed and a glass of wine.
They're gonna be over the moon.
So with this sage, salt and garlic - just smash it up.
And that'll kind of get all the flavours really going.
And you can smell all that - do you know what I mean?
- It's just so fragrant - yeah.
Right lovely and leave the rest of the sage that you've got left over whole okay?
And then we're gonna have some olive oil
- about you know 2/3 tablespoons just to sort
- oil will help the oils in the flavour in the leaves to come out.
And er - some lemon juice - give it a little bit of that so
- just squeeze that in there.
Get rid of the pips
- so you've got your lemon juice in there and just chop up
- roughly chop up this rosemary that I've got with it.
Just mush it up in you hands and
- the first thing I'm gonna do is get a big handful and rub it all over the meat
- so straight away the skin's gonna be tasty.
Lovely Jubbly.
Right - then we put that next to it and get everything else out here.
Right our job now
- is in these cuts that we've made kind of push all these lovely herbs all the garlicky lemon stuff
- get it right in these holes.
Push it right down and there's a little bit of salt in there as well
- so you're seasoning it inside a little bit which is great.
Down the little holes that you've made - and that end up here
- next to the bone which has gone down about four inches you know
- it's right in there.
Loads of flavour.
Really get stuck in there.
Sound like David Bellamy ...shove it all in there.
What else could you use to flavour the lamb?
Oh my God 
- I mean
- basically at the end of the day like all cooking should be you know use
- whatever you like with lamb you should do but I mean things
I've done is kind of get some nice, really dried apricots with like smashed up thyme and butter
- I mean that works beautiful.
Things like you know - simple things like anchovies and rosemary work so well.
They just work really well.
Now you've got all that flavour in there and the secret ingredient which I think is a thing called pancetta and basically it's the Italian version of our streaky bacon.
All you need really is about three or four slices.
And just shove it down the gaps you know.
Where do you get it from?
You can get it from the Deli - you can get it from the supermarket
- I mean it's all over the place.
It's got a slight smokiness to it
- you don't want loads of smokiness but it's got a slight smokiness to it and that's really really nice.
And it works with the sage as well you know.
Get it in there.
Lovely.
So now we've done that I'm just gonna put a bit of salt on top
- it's nice to have a nice salty skin and er - basically that's it done.
I know it's gonna be really really tasty
- all we have to do now is take care of it and take care of it in the cooking.
So into a really really hot oven - about 250 full whack.
I'm gonna get the leg of lamb.
I'm gonna put it straight onto the bars right.
And put the empty tin underneath to catch all the goodness and all the drips and all that kind of marmity lovely jubbly stuff.
How long do you cook lamb for?
Well I really like to cook the lamb so it's kind of pink
- not bloody pink but kind of pink pink and er
- to do that I cook it for about 13 minutes per pound and with an additional 20 minutes of cooking at the end of that and then what the trick is then is to rest it and I'm par cooking some potatoes now
and when they're ready to go in after about 20 minutes when
- you know it's coloured u - started to colour up nicely
- I'll turn it down and I'll put the potatoes in with all that lovely goodness.
These potatoes I've just boiled for like five minutes.
Right and you wanna kind of chop up all the outsides
- so kind of just toss 'em about a bit - give 'em a good old shake and then what I'm gonna do is just get 'em in the oven
- where all that goodness has just been dripping in the old tray
- loads and loads of goodness.
And just chuck in 'em there.
Yeah - smell it - oh it's gonna be mad.
And just put a little bit of extra rosemary in there - cos that won't hurt.
And then give 'em a good old shake.
Cos you wanna get them coated.
It's going to crispen up straight away - all nice and fluffy
- perfect meat - perfect roast potatoes.
I don't really understand why people don't use onions as a vegetable as they are really do you know what I mean?
Cos they always think of them as a base for things like soups and stuff but like with any sort of roasted or grilled meats this particularly dish is superb and all you have to do is sort of remove the
- a little bit of the core, the base to make a flat edge and then at the top just cut down until about a centimetre and a half away from the bottom so you don't cut it into quarters
- so you've got it like that but you don't go all the way down.
You only go down to about there and then just take off maybe just the skin of maybe the first layer of flesh but nice and tender.
I'm using red onions cos I like them.
They're a good - you want them all the same sort of size er
- and they're quite easily available and when you cook them they're lovely and sweet.
But things like shallots and stuff like that are ideal as well.
I wouldn't use the white onions because they're very big and you can't
- I can't really imagine that on someone's plate you know
- like one whole onion that size.
But I mean I do it quite often cos my blooming dad keeps giving me onions from the garden and keeps tying them all up like the French boy and I've got onions everywhere so... have to make use of them otherwise I feel guilty.
Get a pestle and mortar.
Thyme and butter.
Butter's at room temperature.
Nice handful of fresh thyme in.
Have you got any tips for avoiding crying actually when you're chopping onions?
No 
- I quite like to have a good cry at work cos er
- you know you can get all your emotions out and you just pretend it's the onions.
What we're going to do now is put a good important
- good pinch of salt in there and we're going to smash it up
- and funnily enough even though thyme's quite a kind of woody herb when you smash it up it's quite juicy.
Right that's lovely and smashed up and the butter 
- I'll get a bowl actually.
So - put all the thyme in the bowl
- you can put a squeeze of lemon juice in there actually would be nice.
I suppose you need about four, four and a half ounces of butter
- and just kind of squelch it in your hand.
And then squelch in the thyme 
- There's nothing hard in it
- and that's gonna to be lovely with the old onion.
But look just open up the onion
- and what we're gonna do is put a little knob of butter inside it and really push it in and down the cracks.
Could you use different herbs or other flavourings in that butter?
Oh God yeah 
- I mean
- I think herb butter's something that not a lot of people use for some strange reason.
Right I mean you've always got a bit of extra butter kicking about
- and you've always got kind of
- when I guy herbs there's always like a little bit that I don't use you know
- mash it up - you can do any flavour you like and just put it in the freezer.
It keeps for absolutely ages.
So basically you smear it over all of them.
Top all the other up.
And I think the nice thing about this
- as these cook right the butter's gonna melt.
And it's gonna kind of drip right into the bottom of the onion where you've made those scores and
- and you know it's just gonna give it all that flavour and there's salt in there too so it's gonna season the onion.
What I do now is just put - sprinkle some sea salt on the bottom and er
- what this helps - just helps them stand up and also where you just trimmed off the bottom it will just suck up a little bit of salt which is lovely cos it helps season it around that area which you haven't cut down to.
All I have to do to that now is cook it for like half an hour
- 35 minutes at about 220 degrees just until they kind of
- kind of sag a little bit but they'll keep their shape.
Hello John are you alright?
Yeah what do you fancy?
Oh - mate 
- I'm after some scallops
- oh they look good...
brilliant - hand me those.
I'll get myself nine is that alright?
Cheers mate - a bit of parsley - lovely - anything that's free.
That's the lot mate thank you very much.
So for dessert I'm gonna do baked fruit which is so easy you wouldn't believe.
Wicked fruit - I'm gonna make some vanilla
- vanilla sugar which is outrageous and I'm gonna make some mascaponi cream which is just really moreish and gorgeous.
I mean all I've done right
- is I've taken the bottoms off the strawberries
- I've quartered and de-cored the peaches and put a bit of lemon juice over them
- cos they get a bit dark if you don't.
Er 
- I've de pipped the cherries with an olive pipper.
I've sliced up the rhubarb nice and thing.
Er - and with the stoned fruits I just did 'em in half and just pulled 'em apart like an avocado.
Got rid of the pip and these figs I'm just gonna sort of slice but not quite down to the bottom like a star and then you just squeeze it like that and they look lovely.
But there's nothing stopping you just using singular fruit and if something
- the idea is if you're going down the market and you pick up something that's really juicy then buy it - you know.
Anyway let me show you how to make this vanilla sugar.
I've got these vanilla pods from my Deli- and I've got a kilo of sugar
- just normal castor sugar and these vanilla pods are pretty amazing right
- you can buy 'em in anywhere
- get 'em in any sort of supermarket or anything like that.
But when you buy 'em look for like soft sticky ones like these.
These are pretty amazing.
And all I do is chop these into about five bits - er
- just to make less work for your old magimix
- pull this out - chuck 'em in there.
And like as soon as you open it the smell is completely amazing.
Chuck all your sugar in there.
Whizz it up and you're going to see the sugar go like from white
- sparkling white to the most amazing kind of ashy colour.
Right - and when you think that's - you've given that a right good mixing
- er - you wanna bowl - and you wanna sieve
- a coarse sieve and what we're gonna do is just do little bit at a time and just sieve it out.
And what you'll do is you'll get all the little bits of root than haven't quite been chopped up enough and you have this outrageous sugar here.
Right so look at that.
Put the bus back in and we'll whiz 'em up one more time
- get every little last bit of flavour out of there.
They cost a quid each - what's the point in wasting it?
- None at all.
So let's give it some.
I'm only going to put half of this in now. 
Lovely.
Right - so
- again just sieve it and you can tell like cos this looks really dark and almost ashy in colour and I love all that.
And these are good things for presents you know
- like Christmas 
- I gave one of these to my mum.
I just bought about ten quids worth of vanilla pods and made a massive great jar of vanilla sugar.
She's still got it a year and a half later and it's in an air tight container and it still tastes pucker.
So - get a little present.
Does that sound boring - as a present?
She was quite pleased.
Least she said she was anyway.
And there you go.
You can keep on running it forever.
I'm gonna stop there.
So what I'm gonna do now is we've got these lovely fruit here.
And we're just gonna sprinkle it with sugar
- now if - it's probably
- I'm probably gonna use about four or five kind of good spoons of sugar so I cover absolutely everything.
There's so much fruit there - you gonna get through all that?
Yeah there's loads of fruit there but I'm not scared about that at all
- cos any left overs I just scoop up all the juice
- all the fruit into a bowl and you can like put it in little pots with yogurt for breakfast or put it on toast and bake it for breakfast or you can put 'em in pots and put like just a normal old - crumble mix on top.
You know and just bake again.
I mean
- there's no way you can waste anything from there and what am I looking for?
Oh yeah brandy.
I'm gonna put brandy on here so imagine your tart fruit
- your sweet sugar - and what this brandy and the sugar will do is kind of bake together to go really syrupy and dead tasty.
If you didn't have brandy - could you use something else?
Cor yeah I'd say.
I mean any kind of nice sweet wines - whatever gets you going really.
But all you have to do now is bake it for about 15 minutes
- just enough to soften the fruit - you don't want it
- you wanna soften it enough so it's a pleasure to eat.
But you don't wanna cook it so much that it's like a load of old pulp you know
- otherwise you could just boil it up.
And that's it really.
To go with that though
- I think one of the most perfect things is er
- mascapone cream.
And you can get - this is like an Italian soft cheese and it's really, really rich and it's what they use in like Tiramasu and stuff.
And you can get it everywhere now.
Supermarkets, Delis the whole caboodle.
It's so easy 
- I mean all I have to do is plonk it out
- basically sweeten it to taste so at a guess one and a half spoons
- this will be enough for like ten people - you only need a little bit.
That's the vanilla sugar again?
Vanilla sugar again yeah - blooming useful.
And you've got all those lovely black dots in it from the vanilla.
Presumably you could just use normal cream?
You could use double cream but mascapone
- give it a whirl or even half and half - it's got an amazing richness.
Er - which I can't really explain.
Real silky and it's quite heavy
- I mean it's quite fattening but you know who cares?
And I just plonk that in the table - let 'em help themselves.
Lovely.
Eh Jamie how are you mate?
You alright mate?
Yeah good to see you.
Thanks for coming.
No worries - not too late am I?
No - we're cracking away mate - most of its done.
Right so for starter I'm gonna do er
- a fusion broth which basically is like a noodle soup
- you can do must about anything with it you know
- vegetarian - chicken - meat - duck - whatever.
Ee - but I'm gonna do kind of a posh one today with seafood cos we wanna impress - don't we...
We do - we've got a chef coming round for dinner.
Got the big boss coming
- so I've got some nice scallops in their shell
- if you can't get 'em in the shell which you can't sometimes
- you can get 'em from the supermarket and stuff - er
- sort of in little containers already peeled and ready to go.
I've got some clams as well which are quite nice
- when they open up - they've got loads of lovely juice and I've got some nice king prawns that bend sort of butterfly...
What do you mean by butterfly?
Well basically we just cut down the vein here
- remove the - the gravel sack
- and then we just open them up along the - the spinal cord.
It's quite important to remove the vein isn't it really?
Yeah you don't want to...
grit or anything like that.
No - cos it's what they've eaten so...
Do you two cook together quite a lot then?
Yeah mate two years.
We've been working together for about two years
- when I first met Jamie he was er - it's amazing actually
- he was quiet head down and within about a month you know he was just like loud, sort of gregarious young lad...
hovering around the kitchen.
Quite infectious really.
What was Ben like then Jamie?
When I first met - when I first met Ben actually
- I thought Christ he looks like Don Johnson you know
- a bit swarvy - bit of a sun tun - open - open shirt - bit of
- couple of hairs you know there - and white pair of socks.
I don't know whether to pay you or sort of stab you...
Ben do you mind if we do some herbs mate?
Get a nice big sheet of er - tin foil
- toss us a bit of oil mate - salt and pepper.
Yeah lovely.
Imagine this is like a letter or a Christmas present or something like that
- and er - just put a bit of oil on the bottom
- some salt and pepper and clams are probably going to need the most amount of heat yeah
- just put 'em in the middle and then the second thing what we need... is the scallops - so just lay these on top -
And then we put the prawns
- cos they'll be last and they're quite happy to cook last really.
Bit of salt on top and then what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna fold this over
- so already we've got one sealed side and then on this side we just fold it over nice and sort of clean
- and fold it over again.
Fold it over again and fold it over again
- just until you start to feel the kind of
- the clams or the seafood - and turn it over
- that's the second side sealed.
And the second - on the third one here
- do exactly the same and I can feel 'em there - so we're sorted there.
And on this last one - before we seal it er
- we wanna get some moisture in there.
If you fancy you can use
- you can use water - or vermouth or whatever.
I'm gonna put a bit of white wine - just a little lug - nothing too much.
Just make it steam basically - get all the juices flowing.
Presumably you could cook other fish and things as well?
Oh God yeah - this is such a good way to cook
- I mean you can do
- well you can do all sorts of fish can't you
- whole fish - filleted fish.
I know I used to do er - chicken 
- I used to do chicken at home
- and put noodles in there - chicken in there
- loads of herbs and white wine, some olive oil and just seal it up and then like if my flatmate came home
- open up the fridge
- chuck it in the oven - half an hour it's all done.
I mean it's a wicked way to cook.
So - anyway...
Nice flatmate to have?
Now what I'm gonna do is just put that on something sturdy.
The important thing is you don't wanna - don't wanna crack or pierce the er
- tin foil so the juice goes everywhere - and I just
- put that in the oven for about 8 minutes you know
- 6-8 minutes - just enough to open the clams up
- and by the time the clams are open everything else will be perfect.
You're cracking on the herbs.
What have you got there?
We've got basil - we've got chervil - bit or oregano - er coriander, dill -
Not that important that you got loads of herbs
- if you just like coriander and basil - then get those two.
The whole thing about this dish is it can be as easy or as complicated as you like.
It's really it's an assembly of things
- so starting with your stock which is the base of most soups but especially this one
- it's more like a broth - yeah
- so we've got that and that's lovely and tasty.
I've got my herbs.
I've got the seafood in the oven.
I'm gonna start cooking the noodles.
I just got a - you can use whatever noodles you like
- er- got these from Chinatown - they're rice noodles.
Fr 
- And I've had 'em before and they're quite nice.
Big handful of salt yeah - in the boiling water.
Like pasta - you've always got to have salt.
Right just move those noodles about so they don't stick.
Now what I'm gonna do is my stock's boiling away
- I'm just gonna peel my ginger.
The idea really was with the chillie and the ginger is to slice it as thinly as possible.
I'm gonna put this into my broth which is ticking over nicely
- these chillies are reasonably hot but we're taking the seeds out which is kind of the hottest bit isn't?
So it's not gonna blow people's heads off but you'll get that lovely kind of fragrant warmth which is quite pucker.
Just cut 'em nice and thin.
I think these noodles will done now.
These just need to be cooked.
They're not like spaghetti or anything which is al dente
- they're quite soft but - they're don't - they're perfect.
Shall I put those in a bowl now or?
Yeah - you got to test this once.
Yeah lovely jubbly.
I'll have some of that.
So I'll give it a couple of nice clams
- and a nice big scallop yeah.
Right - some mixed er - chillies
- I've got some er - black beans here which I've cooked
- they were dried so I've soaked them overnight
- and just cooked 'em till tender.
Er - but you can use any kind of thing really.
The beans are quite nice cos they're like little... you know what I mean they fall down the bottom but you know you tuck into 'em a bit later.
They're a really great colour and...
contrast.
And then you've got this boiling hot stock
- serve it in this little teapot cos it looks funky.
Right - and... chuck loads of herbs
- Ben chuck a load of herbs in there and it's like a tea bag now
- it's like a cup of tea 
- I mean all those fragrances lovely.
Come along - give it some of this - really is like a cup of tea isn't it?
Um - looks fantastic.
Going to have a prawn first I think.
You little tiger.
Fantastic.
Do you like it?
- Do you reckon they're gonna approve or do you reckon we're gonna get the old lip?
No I approve mate - two thumbs up.
What's chef gonna say about that?
More seasoning.
It's not French enough is it?
No - right - let's...
we've had our little pre dinner taster so
- get ready to do the full Monty mate.

McKenzie: 
Previously on "Face Off"...
You guys ready to prove that you have what it takes to make it in the big leagues?
All: 
Yes.
McKenzie: 
After a sensational season of twists and turns, three artists rose to the top.
I want to win this because it would absolutely change my life.
Winning "Face Off" would prove that I can do something amazing.
And I really, really want it.
This is something I worked really hard for and I want to win it for my family.
I can't let them down.
My family's my everything.
McKenzie: 
And tonight...
This finale is going to dive deep into the world of horror.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
This is as real as it gets, and I got to step it up.
It's so much work. 
It's mind-boggling.
There's all this chaos, and I'm just like,
"Holy crap, I'm in over my head."
Action.
I don't want to start over.
$100,000 is on the line.
McKenzie: 
In the end, only one will win a VIP trip from Kryolan Professional Make-up to one of their 85 international locations, a brand-new 2016 Fiat 500, and $100,000.
This is "Face Off."
We arrive at this oil field, and we're surrounded by these oil derricks ominously bobbing.
- That's creepy. 
- The whole place is scary.
I don't know what McKenzie is planning, but this is a great setting for the finale.
- Final three.
- Final three.
Hey, guys.
- Hi.
- Hello.
Welcome, and congratulations again on making it to the finale.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
You guys look a little nervous... are you?
- Yes.
- Yeah?
- They're not scared enough.
- I'll get there.
I'm working on it. 
Get ready.
Well, I'd say there's nothing to be afraid of, but that's not exactly true.
Of course not.
This finale will be all about thrills, chills, and of course, big scares.
Nice.
And that is where my friend here comes into play.
He's an Oscar-nominated and Emmy award-winning producer.
And his company Blumhouse has revitalized the horror film genre with mega-hit franchises like "Paranormal Activity," "Insidious," and "The Purge."
Please welcome super producer Jason Blum.
Thank you very much.
Jason Blum has made terrifying films.
He knows the horror genre.
I'm really excited he's here.
Thanks for having me.
Thank you so much for being here.
We're so excited to have you on the show.
I'm excited to be here.
All right, guys, you may have guessed by now that this finale is going to dive deep into the world of horror.
Okay.
For your final Spotlight Challenge, you'll each be creating two makeups that will star in their very own horror film.
- Wow.
- Yeah!
I'm sure you're wondering what your films are gonna be about.
Well, Jason here has curated and published his very own book of horrific short stories called "The Blumhouse Book of Nightmares."
And the show's producers have adapted one written by Christopher Denham called "Hellhole."
Jason, why don't you tell them a little bit more about this?
Well, "Hellhole" is about a family.
They buy a house and after a few nights in the house, they realize they have a portal to hell and a demon and very bad things start to happen.
- All right.
- Sounds like fun.
All right, guys, so we found three up-and-coming directors who have each come up with their own take on the script.
You will each be working with them over the course of the next week to create your films here at this very creepy house.
Wow.
This challenge is very exciting.
We'll be working as on-set makeup artists.
This is as real as it gets, so that's really cool.
All right, well, let's meet the next generation of horror directors.
Guys, come on up.
- Hi.
- Hi.
All right.
Welcome, guys, thank you so much for being here.
- Thanks for having us.
- Good to be here.
First we have John Wynn.
His spine-chilling supernatural short film "The Passing"
made its way to the top of the list for famed director Guillermo del Toro and Legendary Picture's House of Horrors contest.
Wow.
Next we have Bryce McGuire, whose starkly composed an eerie short "Night Swim"
managed to make a fan out of veteran horror filmmaker Eli Roth.
Nice.
And last, we have Ryan Spindell, an award-winning director who's been creeping audiences out at festivals all over the world, including the Tribeca Film Festival.
Oh.
All right, well, these guys are anxious to get you up to speed on their scripts and share their storyboards with you, but first, you're gonna need some help to create those incredible makeups.
Guys, come on out.
It's all our friends!
- Good to see you guys.
- Yes, good to see you.
All right, you'll each have the assistance of two former contestants to help bring your unique visions to life.
- Rob, you're up first.
- Kaleb.
- Melissa.
- Yvonne.
- And Walter.
- Melly Mel.
- Yay.
- Anna.
- Yay.
- Johnny.
- My man, Robert.
- Yeah!
- Thanks, man.
- Good to see you.
All right, because we want great final makeups, you will each have a lighting and camera test before we shoot the film.
This gonna allow your directors to provide feedback on your makeups and give you the ability to adjust or recreate them before the film shoot.
All right, well, I do have another surprise for you.
Jason here will be joining us as a guest judge for the finale and helping to choose this season's winner.
- Nice.
- So make it great.
Very cool.
Okay, your directors have been randomly assigned to you and they'll be along shortly to talk you through the films.
In the meantime, go ahead and read your scripts and start thinking about your designs.
- Nice.
- Bye, guys.
- Good luck.
- Both: 
Thank you.
Okay, "Hellhole." Here's the script.
"We open on a wide shot of a crumbling old farm.
The landscape is dead and barren.
Martha opens the large double doors.
Her eyes wide open, she screams.
She is completely entwined in thick black vines.
The Harvest Demon rises up, its body a sinewy mass of vines and skittering insects."
Our director's version of "Hellhole"
is this family moves into this house and a demon comes up out of the ground.
So the words that describe our demon are "gourd" and "sinewy,"
so we're seeing that the characters and the demon especially are very earthy and lots of vines and tree stuff.
Man, he's so big.
I'm not a huge fan of doing the tree stuff and I'm trying to figure out what I'm gonna do with it.
- Hey, guys.
- How's it going?
- What do you think?
- We're ready to win.
- Pretty cool.
- We're gonna win?
All right. 
That's what I want to hear.
That's what I want to hear.
Yeah, so the idea is that there's this ancient creature that's been laying in the ground for centuries and its roots have spread throughout the ground.
So its body is, like, of the land, but it's also sort of pulling itself out.
Ryan is extremely passionate about the characters that he's created.
It's definitely helping me see what he's seeing.
I want to go with this more, this organic type of demon, to break up the typical human form.
Yeah, like, get rid of the nose, get rid of the ears, get rid of things like that?
- Yeah.
- Right.
I think that could be really, really cool.
The demon is this half-pumpkin, half-tree character.
Everything goes to one angle, so it's all off balance and it looks scary all together.
Walter was talking about her sort of having, like, the vines going in and out of her, like, almost painfully.
Yes, I'm into that idea.
I'm really happy with what we came up with for the possessed character, which is just vines interweaving and possessing her at the same time.
- Thank you so much.
- Good luck.
Thank you.
I've got a lot to do.
My team and I definitely have our hands full with both makeups.
"Interior old mansion. 
Day, 1933."
The script that we have for "Hellhole"
is about a young couple who moves onto land where they want to build an oil field and in doing so, they break the Earth and release this demon that doesn't want them there.
"She swings the flashlight forward, illuminating a massive horned figure standing behind her that looks like it was birthed from the earth."
Oh, my God.
Okay, that demon sounds amazing.
Sounds like a lot of work.
- Hi.
- What's up, guys?
I'm so excited. 
Rob.
- Nice to meet you.
- You too. 
Bring it.
I'm really excited to hear what our director has in store for us.
Just imagine this thing as, like, it's been molting and cracking in that dry earth, like, even, like, the skin being kind of, like, white, pale, crushed, cracked.
How much do you want us to stay away from him looking like a goat?
I... 
I feel like I'd rather see something new.
Okay.
After talking to Bryce, we decided to make the demon look dry and cracked and sunbaked.
I like when you said the idea of the creature being cracked and old.
I was thinking something like that for her.
If she, like, has, like, a black tear or something?
For the wife, we're thinking of just the basic possession makeup.
There's lots of oil dripping, so we're thinking of adding that into the design as well.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God, it's so exciting.
- Okay.
- It's so cool.
- On top.
- Yeah!
"Interior living room. 
Night.
Martha blows dust off the old chest, lifts the lid open, finally revealing Mr. Sticks... "
Ooh!
"A doll with a strange cyclops eye."
I think the script sounds pretty cool.
It's about this couple who finds this creepy doll named Mr. Sticks and then they burn him, and in doing so, they unleash this demon.
"Our demon steps forward into the light, revealing the ghastly body of the chupacabra mashed with face of the hatchetfish and the teeth of Goliath tigerfish."
- Okay.
- All right.
I'm like, "This looks like a hot mess," in my head.
So I really need to talk to the director because I need to find out what he means by all this.
I really like the idea of a single eye somehow in the design of the creature.
John really wants the demon as being a cyclops.
And I'm like, "Great, we just did the cyclops makeup."
And to help you tie it together too, at the end of it,
- our male is possessed.
- Yeah.
Think about him becoming the new Mr. Sticks.
- Yeah.
- That's why he's possessed,
- because the demon needs a new...
- That's a cool... okay.
He needs a new connection to the real world.
I have a very strong idea and I've told you good general basis for what that is, but at the end of the day, I'm relying on you guys to make something unique and special.
I feel a little overwhelmed, because I have too many ideas in my brain.
There's a lot going on and there's a lot of things to manage, and I need to be super duper organized on this one.
All right, guys. 
Let's get started.
- Whoo.
- Back to the lab.
Back to the lab. 
Back to the lab.
All right.
Let's see what we got.
Here.
The first thing we do is figure out what we need to get done and who can take point on it, 'cause obviously I can't do everything and it's really hard to, like, relinquish that control.
I want to take the face on this one 'cause I really want to sculpt this.
Okay.
I'm doing the face for the demon 'cause he's the central character and I want to have the most hands in that.
I feel more comfortable with the horns.
Yvonne really wants the demon cowl, so she takes that, and Johnny takes Sam's face.
My idea is that it's a trauma makeup.
He's had his eye ripped out.
And maybe he's got some sticks in his face.
- Okay.
- Go.
All right.
I'm still not sure how to incorporate the cyclops aspect without recreating the makeup I did on the Cyclops Challenge.
I've scraped the bottom of my creative barrel, but this is the finale.
I got to bring it, I got to bring my A game.
If I can win "Face Off," I can have the money to help move my family and pursue the career that I've always wanted to do.
So I need to figure it out.
We want this demon to be larger than life, so we're doing a chest piece to bulk him out, a face piece, and a cowl, and then for the possession makeup, a simple face piece with a very pale, speckled, cracked look.
Anna starts sculpting the possession makeup, and I start sculpting the demon face.
I'm not too thrilled with my idea for this demon, but I don't have a lot of time left, so I need to start sculpting right now.
Where are you gonna make the horns coming out of?
I'm thinking of trying to build it up.
- Yeah.
- So it makes him look taller.
Mm-hmm.
Robert and I are attacking the demon makeup and Mel is sculpting the possessed makeup.
How were your directors? 
Were they nice?
Yeah, he's really cool.
How's your guys's director?
- He's awesome.
- Yeah?
Definitely has a lot of faith in Walter.
Aw.
I've got so much in store.
Ruh-roh.
Ryan wants to avoid the typical demon look, so we've got to completely take away every single element that is human and make a scary but non-demonic pumpkin/tree creature.
Since we've got so much to do with the demon character,
I really want to keep the possessed makeup super simple and very humanlike.
I got to manage my time well to incorporate everything, make Ryan happy, but also do something I'm proud of that's my style that is gonna help me win this $100,000.
John wants a cyclops demon, and I think it's important to show him something that's not already represented in film, so I dig deep and decide to do a cyclops demon without an eye, so it's just this fleshy membranes behind,
'cause it gives that extra element of horror.
Hopefully, John will love it.
Hey, guys. 
We're here to check in on you.
- Hello.
- Hey.
And we have a surprise for you.
What? 
What is this? 
What is happening?
Oh, my God.
I'm already really stressed out.
What else are they gonna throw at us now?
Hey, guys. 
We're here to check in on you.
- Hello.
- Hey.
And do we have a surprise for you.
I would like to introduce an Oscar-winning makeup artist who has worked on "The Princes Bride,"
"Braveheart," and "Lincoln."
And she's also a member of the "Face Off" family.
Lois Burwell.
Oh, my goodness.
How are you?
What? 
I'm so excited to see her.
I've always wanted to hear her critiques, and she's just so cute and British.
Lovely to meet all of you.
I'm looking forward to seeing your work.
- Guys ready to do this?
- Oh, I'm ready.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Hello, nice to meet you.
So he liked the idea of a lot of angular forms.
Something more animalistic, kind of dripping with oil.
I liked doing away with kind of the nasal labial folds and bringing the chin down a little bit more.
The thing you have to watch with any cheeks like this and the nose being rounded,
I know you want animalian, but everything can end up looking leonine, and it's a distraction from what you actually do want it to be.
Okay, let's see what you have going.
The idea is that this will be a vine, so she can still articulate and move under it.
I like what you've done here.
But sculpt a little bit of disrupted skin going around, otherwise it's gonna look like it's glued right smack
- on her face.
- Yeah, we need an entrance
- and an exit point.
- Exactly.
Walter, let's see what your next piece is.
Let's see what's going on over here.
Ooh, wow.
I love everything you have that's going on around here.
Did your director say to you the kind of lighting style he was going to be using?
He said it's gonna be a lot of, like, slated shadow lighting.
So bear that in mind, because it can cast a shadow and this form could create problems.
He really wants to incorporate his symbol.
Right.
And we're not sure whether to, like, do it on the forehead or somewhere else.
Yeah, the chest might be better.
Or even to one side.
I wouldn't put it straight in the middle, 'cause if it's right in the middle,
- it'll look like Superman.
- Power Rangers.
That's what I was thinking. 
The superhero.
- He has to be a super demon.
- Yes, so somewhere...
Only if it's a lightning bolt.
- Somewhere to one side.
- Okay, cool.
This is our possessed character.
When the wife destroys the doll, the demon makes the husband into the new doll.
This is really so subtle.
You need to give yourself more exaggeration to it.
Okay.
I agree with Michael completely, but I would actually cheat and shift the shape of the eye, because otherwise, you're going to be trapped
- by the actors own shape.
- Yeah.
- Do you see what I mean?
- Yeah.
All right, let's see what you got going on here.
So this is our demon.
Instead of having, like, an eye,
I wanted him to have a lack of an eye so he uses the doll to see into our world.
What do you have going on in the chin?
- I don't know yet.
- You don't know, okay.
I just wanted it to appear like a strong jaw.
That's all I've got so far.
Well, you do that on your jawline.
Now if you make that stronger and you bring it in, then this won't look like it's, you know, sticking out on you.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
All right, everybody. 
We're heading out.
Keep in mind time management.
- Very important.
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
- Bye, guys.
- Great job.
- Bye-bye.
This one can be more pointy. 
This one, more lumpy.
Okay.
Ryan wants the demon character to have an asymmetrical feel, so from one shoulder, the branches are gonna twist and turn into vines, and then on the other shoulder, the massive pumpkin texture comes up into this gross gourd-like thing
that creates a powerful, scary profile.
We have a lot of work to do, but I wanted really to make him over the top.
I want the best biggest creature I can come up with.
That's time.
Oh, boy.
Walking into the lab today,
I've decided to just resculpt the entire demon face.
The face is gonna have, like, smaller eyes almost like a mole has with, like, the circles around it, and we'll keep the circle theme going throughout.
Bryce's idea for this demon is that it's an underground dweller with features that help it dig through the Earth.
Now that we have a direction, like, in my head, we're good.
- Okay.
- Way better than yesterday.
Yesterday, I was like, "What the hell is happening?"
The top of the head has horns in the shape of, like, a cutting saw.
It has very small mole-like eyes, very pale, cracked skin.
I'm thinking a rhino has all three of those things.
That could be a cool place to start at this face design.
I am getting the forms on there and seeing this new shape, and I'm actually really liking how it's going.
Okay, I think this guy's about ready.
- I'll take him.
- Okay.
Johnny has volunteered to be in charge of molding, 'cause he's the best molder.
And then I take over Sam's face and Yvonne is continuing to work on the cowl.
I'm feeling confident today because we're in a good spot.
I like the direction I'm going with the face, so I now I have to start a cowl.
Each of these, like, main bone groups are gonna have, like, a horn.
We're trying to get horns in a shape that's never been done before.
We want something very unique.
Something kind of like that.
A very asymmetric, spirally, uneven horn that are very large that adds a lot of height and bulk to this character.
I like this shape.
Just make his neck wider, I guess, in the back.
I'm so proud of my team.
I feel like we're working really well together.
I tried to bring a little bit into what I think is the wood texture just so it looks more like it's morphing.
I know that Ryan wants this symbol on the demon.
But the faces are the focal points of the makeups.
So we need to spend time on them because they need to be perfect.
I'm treating this camera test like it's the day of the final film shoot.
I don't want to be redoing a cowl or redoing a face because, you know, Ryan wasn't happy with it.
I want him to be happy. 
I want his vision to be seen.
- That looks cool.
- Yeah.
For the demon character, I want to remove his nipples and address this idea that he's been summoned, so I want him to have this symbol on him.
I'm sculpting out the symbol.
It's like a V-shape with circles that go onto the pecs, and I'm not happy with it.
It seems too simplistic and it's not circular enough, but I think it's important to present John with something for the lighting test, so I can at least do something as a placeholder to get us talking about it.
We go to open the cowl mold for the demon and it comes apart pretty easily.
But the head form is just not popping out of it.
Mmm.
This cowl's one of the biggest parts of this makeup, and it's just not coming out.
I just don't know where all the suction is.
We don't have the time to scrap this cowl.
I'm afraid we're gonna have to break part of it to get this positive out.
This might cost me this competition.
We're trying to pop the back half of the demon cowl, but it's locked.
Let me see if I can get it from this angle.
Lift that up as I do this.
We're fighting with this, trying to get this positive out of the mold.
- Yeah!
- What the hell even was that?
I don't know.
Because it took so much force to pull the positive out, a portion of the mold did crack.
That means a little bit of repair later on.
But at least now, we have all of our pieces.
We can really make a game plan for how this application is gonna go.
Ryan and I decided that I'm gonna achieve that powerful larger-than-life silhouette that he wants by building up the cowl.
I love going big and trying to do more than everybody, but at the same time, it's really a tough choice, so it's extremely important to stay focused and stick to the plan.
For the possessed character, we want to carry this diseased-looking erosion of the skin down into the body.
I really want to show damage over the heart that shows disease got into the vascular system and then has been spreading through the blood.
So I want to have the larger diseased area over the heart and then have it spread out from there.
Finally, I'm happy with my pieces, so I decide to mold.
All right, I'll be back.
We're running a little tight on time, but Johnny's finishing up the face molds,
I'm hopping between the cowl and the chest piece, and we're just all molding at the same time.
I basically just need something to put on his back.
Bryce wants a creature with a strong silhouette that picks up dirt, roots, and plants as it's digging through the Earth.
So Kaleb starts fabricating this big back piece that makes it look like roots and plant life to make him larger than life.
That looks really cool.
I think you got to start shimming that up.
Yep, I do.
There's less than two hours to go, and I still need the shoulders molded,
I need the cowl molded, I need the plate molds molded, and I need them all done as fast as possible.
It's mold-making madness.
It's all pretty hectic and pretty crazy with time just flying by.
Our molds are finally set, but I'm down to the wire.
I only have minutes to clean them out.
I don't know if I'm gonna get all these molds done.
I really don't.
That's time, everyone.
By an act of God,
I get these molds done and ready to go.
I'm absolutely relieved and I can't wait to see what they look like tomorrow.
Yeah! 
Go, Team Badass!
- Beautiful!
- Team Badass!
Oof, that's creepy.
All right, that's big.
How does it all look?
These edges are fine.
We look at our foam pieces, and they're all really good, except the demon cowl is almost in half.
We're gonna have to patch it.
This is probably the worst foam I've had.
Oh, these edges are so bad.
So there's gonna be a good amount of patching to do.
Hopefully that leaves us time to paint both makeups.
Hello.
Oh, models.
Hi, Kaya. 
I'm Rob.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
You're gonna be our massive tree demon.
That's what I... that's what I'm hearing.
So you're our demon, you're our possessed guy.
Johnny and Yvonne are really strong on application, so Johnny's applying the possessed makeup,
Yvonne's taking point on applying the bald cap to the demon, and I'm working on pre-painting the cowl and the face while they're doing that.
We have a lot of work ahead of us, so I immediately have Mel start applying the possession makeup, and then Robert takes the demon into the mold room to take casting of his teeth, 'cause I don't really want anyone else seeing
that that's what we're doing, 'cause I don't want to give anybody else ideas.
Okay, try not to bite so much.
'Cause you're biting my finger.
The model won't actually be able to wear the teeth to the camera test, but the plan is to have something for the final makeup that will really make him over the top and hopefully give me an advantage
over the other contestants.
Try to get the give at least back to, like,
- two or three inches.
- Okay.
We finally finish getting everything patched up and trimmed, so now Anna is applying the possession face and Kaleb is applying the cowl while I start painting.
We are seriously under the gun.
I got this side.
And I'm freaking out about everything that I need to get done.
But we're working really well together.
Perfect.
And I'm extremely grateful and thankful for that.
How's that feel on your nose there?
My nose is good.
You go with this color on the tree side.
Yeah, okay.
And then I'll go on this side with this color.
The paint scheme that I want to go with is more pumpkin/gourd on the gourd side and then I'm gonna go with the tree side in between really dark brown and medium brown.
As I'm sponging,
I tell Robert to start throwing moss on him and all of the sudden,
Robert creates the moss man prophecies.
He's pulling apart moss and gluing it in places that I have thick edges.
What he's doing with the moss is really adding to my makeup and is making it look phenomenal.
I am just not on my game today.
Time is ticking away and we still have a lot of work to do.
I do not think I'm gonna get it all done, and I'm really, really frazzled.
Now it's about prioritizing and getting the best looking makeup I can in the short amount of time.
15 minutes.
That's time.
I'm not thrilled.
It's a really quick paint job.
It's not what it could be.
I've no idea what to expect from the camera test, which is definitely nerve-racking.
I hope that I make a good impression.
Johnny and I are gonna work on you, and Yvonne's gonna work on Matt.
Even though it's only two makeups and we have three artists, we're doing a lot of coverage.
Both of our characters are shirtless.
We need paint on both of them. 
There's a lot going on.
Let me finish airbrushing you.
I start painting these red circles, like, sort of the skin pattern.
I think it looks kind of cool.
We don't have teeth for our demon, so I take tooth black and just paint it onto his teeth to make them look sharper and more jagged.
It's very important for these edges to be down for this possession character, just because this is gonna be filmed.
It has to be seamless.
Melissa, do you want the oil dripping out?
- Dripping would be good.
- Okay.
15 minutes.
Time's up, guys. 
You're needed on set.
Good job, you look terrible.
I'm very proud of my teammates.
They came together, they worked really hard.
But I'm the lead.
It's ultimately my vision that they're bringing to life.
So I think I could have done better.
I'm very much looking forward to seeing the makeups on camera.
But walking to the stage is kind of embarrassing, 'cause we definitely need to make improvements.
So I hope the director won't be too harsh on us.
Hey!
Hello. 
Hello!
We walk into the stage, and I'm just like, "Holy crap, I'm in over my head."
There's just all this chaos going on with setting up the lighting, the cameras, the monitors, and even though I'm a little scared, I'm super excited.
So let's get... 
let's get right into it.
The first thing we're gonna do is we're gonna put Jeff, our demon, in the first setup where the light is swinging.
Things are looking good here, but let's see what it's like under the real lights, okay?
- All right.
- Cool, right over here, guys.
I've only made makeups seen in real life, and here we're gonna look at it in a very different fashion, and I have no idea what to expect.
This is a good thing for us to see now.
You'll get to actually see the lighting setup we're thinking about, so that's what we need to look at is these little creases and stuff that may be giving away some of the secrets.
It's really cool to see this though.
When I see the demon on camera, it's so cool to just see it in a video.
It's right there, but it's a movie.
Before we call, "Action,"
will you just tap the light for me so it's swinging?
And action.
So even there, like, if his fingertips are glistening.
Maybe, like, the front part here is glistening a little bit.
Yeah, this isn't quite right.
Yeah, we'll work on this.
John doesn't like the chest piece.
I don't like the chest piece.
No one likes the chest piece.
Be careful that when we create the oil coming out of him that it doesn't look like he's lactating.
- Yeah, that was a concern.
- You know what I'm saying?
Right. 
Maybe if we put
- the designs higher.
- Yeah.
The chest piece looks terrible.
It's a little bit of a bummer because this is definitely not the first impression
I wanted to give the director.
Slowly open your mouth, Jeff.
Maybe if we can make it so when he opens his mouth, something is coming out of it.
- It's almost like a little goo...
- Chocolate syrup.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
It's coming out of him.
If we have more of the mouth oil, go... go ahead and give him that.
- Yeah, let's just try it, yeah.
- Yeah.
And action.
- Yeah, see...
- Oh, so gross.
See, that's what we want.
That's what we need right there.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Other thing we should probably do here, is really make his eye area as red as possible.
Everything else is great being muted, but that needs to pop on camera.
There's some flaws, but he's very happy with our demon face, our demon cowl, so we don't have to resculpt those, which is a huge relief.
Let's have Sam fly in and let's give Jeff a... a few minutes off.
And action.
Look up towards the camera.
Tilt your head towards the light.
When he gets revealed, we need to move this makeup on his chest further up
- to his shoulder.
- Okay.
And even if it does creep up on to his up here, that's fine, because that will give me more of a reveal.
Now raise your right arm up, as if you were asking for help.
We need to build some sort of appliance, more about his hand versus his arm, that it looks like he's becoming Mr. Sticks.
John wants more with Sam.
So that's the big thing.
Maybe where his fingers are, you can have branches shooting off of it.
I'm feeling a little overwhelmed because it's a lot of changes, but the camera test is really helpful because it makes what changes we need to make very apparent.
All right, so you guys did a great job today.
Next time I see you though, will be on set.
- Hard core.
- All right.
Okay, so we're all there. 
Get out of here.
Give me a hug and get out of here.
All right. 
Thank you, guys.
I really want to win "Face Off,"
but what I presented to John was not great.
So I need to step it up and really bring my A game.
So the first thing is Robert and I will be attacking the paint job on the demon makeup and Mel needs to tie up loose ends with the possessed makeup.
This got too muddy. 
It's my fault, but it got bad.
I put some alcohol on a sponge, and I'm just trying to get back some of that red tone and it's pulling up my edges and bunching them because of all the alcohol and cream makeups.
It's just a big, muddy mess.
Gonna make you not look dead.
I am bouncing back and forth from dry brushing to airbrushing while Robert is laying foliage all over the demon makeup.
I don't want to see a hand with fingernails, so I just moss all over it.
I'm mossing all out.
Mel and Robert are bringing elements to my makeup that I would've never had by myself and I'm extremely grateful for it.
15 minutes!
Hey, guys, time is up.
You're needed on set.
Time's up, brushes are down, and I feel so confident.
This is by far the coolest thing I've done, and I'm extremely proud of the teammates that I have.
This is finale-worthy, I think.
Looking awesome.
I love my makeups, but I'm nervous because only Ryan's opinion really matters at the camera test.
$100,000 is on the line.
This is so crazy.
I hope that he likes it because I definitely don't want to start over.
I love my makeups, but $100,000 is on the line.
And only Ryan's opinion really matters.
- What's up, guys?
- Hey.
Whoo!
Hello.
Oh, my God.
Ah!
You guys have been killing it. 
This looks awesome.
Let's put some lights on it, see how it looks.
Ryan seems like he's overwhelmed with excitement, but now I'm gonna have to see these makeups in front of the camera, so I really hope he's gonna be pleased with it.
Let's do it. 
All right, cool.
Action.
Terrence, can I see what it looks like when you look around the room more, like you've just come up and you're sort of taking in the space?
Lean in real close.
Man, he's awesome.
It's absolutely wonderful seeing my makeup on film.
Under the light, hearing Ryan tell him exactly what to do, such a cool experience, man.
I loved being on set.
Cut. 
That's great.
I don't have a lot of notes, guys.
It looks really good. 
Yeah?
Yeah, I'm really, really happy with it.
The only thing I would say is the vines, those are just temp, right?
So those are just so that you see...
- Got ya.
- We're gonna do that there, and then gonna want to wrap him with more vines.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- And they'll be painted.
- Yeah, and they'll be painted.
- You are awesome.
Good job, man.
Let me check on lighting.
Here, one second.
The one thing I'm seeing is his nose.
This little shine coming out here.
That makes it almost look like a pixie nose.
- I got ya.
- Right there.
That's where light's bouncing out of,
- and this little spot right here.
- Mm-hmm.
Those two little spots are gonna be headlights.
The changes are minimal, and it's such a good feeling knowing that my director is happy with the demon.
I just hope he feels the same about the possession makeup.
- Let's do it.
- Yeah.
My lady.
Yeah, that's good.
That's pretty creepy, guys.
We'll shoot it.
Here we go. 
Let's go camera, please.
Action.
Megan, can you, like, sort of grab at his shoulders, you know, almost like... like you're trying to pull yourself up to him?
All right, cut.
Okay, final powwow.
Is there a way that we can take down some of the intensity of this area?
Oh, yeah, I can cut this down so that is shows her face more.
Yeah, I think it would be nice to see, like, maybe more of her.
Ryan's only notes on the possessed makeup is that he would like to scale it back a little, so that's actually good.
That's less work for us to do during the film shoot.
I love the makeup.
I can't wait to see what you guys do with it.
I don't... 
I mean, it's already so good.
I don't know how you did it as fast as you did.
Even though the camera test went well,
I still have a lot of work to do.
I want to win more than anything, and I got to step it up even more.
I just want bigger and better, so I'm just full speed ahead on this one.
We get to Last Looks and we have one more hour to make these makeups finale-worthy.
My sole attention needs to be on this demon.
These eye edges are not going down.
The cowl is so heavy it's pushing his face forward.
And it's keeping the appliance from sticking to his skin.
So the first thing I need to do is get those eye edges down.
Next time, we have to set the cowl back a little bit further so we can pull the face tighter.
Keep them closed for me.
I continue on with the possession makeup, putting oil in her hair and on her hands.
It should really give that creepy, oily look that Bryce wants.
Rob and I are drenching our character in oil.
We're throwing dust everywhere.
We've really got to make sure this guy looks like he's coming up from out of the ground.
- We got 15 minutes left.
- Okay.
Hey, guys, time is up.
You're needed on set.
I think they both look stunning.
You guys look so good. 
It's ridiculous.
Ah!
And I'm really excited to see how these really cool makeups are gonna look under realistic lighting and I'm excited to get the critiques that we need to make this an even better makeup.
Come on, guys.
To have a camera test is invaluable, and I think my makeups look really cool.
But at the same time, I am terrified to see how Bryce reacts.
It's a roller coaster of emotion.
- Hi!
- There you are!
Bring 'em in.
The sound stage is just unbelievable.
It feels like a real movie shoot.
So these guys are...
I'm just gonna stand over here 'cause they're terrifying me.
But let's see how they look on camera.
We're just gonna come right this way.
Action.
Just settle and hold there, and look straight down.
Yeah, like that.
It's so cool to see it in the monitor.
It is truly terrifying.
His eyes almost disappear.
We could probably pinpoint a little light there, so we get a little bit of reflection.
We do see there are eyes.
Give me that tilt up so we can see the whole body.
The hands could be more shovel-like.
- Okay.
- Exaggerated.
What's really designed for, like, digging out dirt.
I think it looks really good, but Bryce has some problems.
LOOKS REALLY PRETTY.
WELL!
BRAD!
BRAD!
SON OF A BITCH!
KENT, I HATE YOU.
I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU.
YOU KNOW WHY?
NO.
'CAUSE YOU'RE NICE.
AND NICE GUYS FINISH LAST!
ARRGGGH!
LOIS, I'VE GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU.
WHO ELSE TURNS A VACATION
INTO A STORY
ABOUT CORRUPTION IN THE CARIBBEAN?
I KNEW I WAS ONTO SOMETHING WHEN I WAS KIDNAPPED.
LOIS, YOU'RE TERRIFIC!
I HAVE TO BE.
SEEMS I'VE GOT COMPETITION.
THAT STORY YOU WROTE ON THE CLASS REUNION?
I THOUGHT IT WAS TERRIFIC.
THANKS.
I LIKED THE LITTLE GIRL BACK HOME.
TELL ME ABOUT IT AT LUNCH.
I'M HAVING LUNCH
WITH MR. WHITE'S NEW SECRETARY.
HI, LANA.
LOIS, THIS IS LANA,
SMALLVILLE'S NEWEST GIFT TO METROPOLIS.
I LIKE YOUR WRITING A LOT.
THANK YOU.
I LIKE YOUR SPARKLER A LOT.
I WAS SURPRISED
WHEN CLARK GAVE IT TO ME.
CLARK?
YES.
MR. WHITE!
MR. WHITE!
LOOK WHAT I'VE GOT!
I'M IN LOVE WITH THIS MACHINE!
I HAVE ERRANDS TO RUN BEFORE LUNCH.
GO AHEAD, MR. WHITE.
WHERE'S THE HANDLE?
JUST PUSH THE BUTTON!
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
GIORGIO, POR FAVORE?
GRAZIE.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

I deliver perfection...
and don't brag about it! 
:
D
Alert, alert, alert!
You three criminals have been caught in a further act of seditious treason.
General Zod, {y:i}your only feeling was contempt for our society.
Your only desire was to command.
Ursa, the only feeling you showed was for your vicious general.
Your only wish, to rule at his side.
Non, you are as without thought as you are without voice.
This council has no hesitation in proclaiming you  all guilty!
Guilty!
You will lie down before me, Jor-El.
Both you and then one day, your heirs.
Jor-El!
- Here, I'll just get the door for you.
- Yeah, thanks...
Sorry, after you.
- 'Morning, Phil.
- Excuse me, Kent.
Hi, Alice. 
That's a very pretty blouse you're wearing today...
Catch you later, Clark.
Hello. 
I don't know. 
Okay...
- 'Morning, Leueen.
- I'll check it.
Mr. White, how long should the pressroom hold the front page?
Give it another 10 minutes. 
I'll tell him.
Thank you.
If we don't get anything new in the next 10 minutes go with the wire service copy under the 40 point banner. 
Picture in 3 columns.
Kent, do a background story for the page three sidebar on this terrorist group.
Right!
Sorry. 
Terrorists?
Get your head out of the clouds.
Where have you been?
I was at home.
Don't you watch TV?
I don't enjoy TV, there's too much violence.
I was just reading Dickens.
Mr. Kent, a gang of terrorists seized the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
He knows where the Eiffel Tower is, Olsen.
You do, don't you, Kent?
- Yes. 
Has anyone been hurt?
- So far the hostages are unharmed.
Hostages?
- Tourists, about 20 of them.
- That's just penny ante stuff.
If the French government doesn't meet their demands they've got a Hydrogen bomb to level Paris.
Mr. White, that's terrible!
That's why they call them terrorists, Kent.
Get to the morgue. 
I want to know everything there is on terrorism...
Does Lois know about this yet?
- Does she know about it? 
She's in it!
- She's what?
When the story broke, I bundled her on the first Concorde.
If Paris might go kablooey, I want my best reporter there.
But gee...
No offense. 
You're good, but Lois Lane is better.
No, I meant, isn't that a little bit dangerous, sir?
That goes with the territory, Kent.
Don't worry, if I know Lois Lane, she'll not only come back with a Pulitzer Prize story, but a one-on-one interview with the hydrogen bomb titled:
"What Makes Me Tick".
Now don't stand around, Kent...
Merci, merci.
How did they get up there?
They were disguised as workers to do repairs.
Can you say why they released the first hostages?
We insist they do this to show good faith.
If not, we refuse to negotiate.
Will they release the other hostages?
In return for a guarantee that we will not launch an attack on them.
There will be no attack?
No attempt to overpower the terrorists?
- We've made this guarantee.
- You'll honor it?
We have not the choice to refuse.
If we believe it's a real hydrogen bomb they have.
Where is the bomb?
It's in a big oil can.
A hydrogen bomb? 
Are you sure?
How can we be sure? 
Today it's possible to make a bomb if you have the equipment.
- This could blow up all of Paris.
- Oui.
The position of your government?
Will they meet the demands?
I am not authorized to say what they will do.
At this moment there is an emergency meeting in the Elysée Palace.
Non, ce n'est pas possible.
Excusez-moi? 
Non. 
Non comprendre.
Moi, journaliste américaine.
Non, non, c'est interdit!
Complétement interdit.
Attends. 
Wait.
- Voilá. 
Qu'est-ce que c'est le mot pour...
- Qu'est-ce que vous voulez?
- Stairs. 
Stairs?
- Stairs...
S-T... 
S-T-A...
Mademoiselle!
We'll bring them down now.
Get in.
- Come on. 
Watch out for any tricks.
- Do we look like the sort...
I don't know what you look like.
You're being released, so shut up.
- Come on then, everybody out.
- Okay, we're ready.
This way.
Come on. 
Quick.
Look, you're being released. 
Get moving.
I'll take a last look around.
Okay, send them down.
Up we go.
Pulitzer Prize.
Capital P...
Should we have let the hostages go?
They'll give in to us as soon as we plant the bomb.
It doesn't matter one way or the other.
Nobel Prize. 
Capital N little o, little b little e, little I.
Nobel...
Prize!
Be careful.
It's me that controls the bomb, not the bomb that controls me.
I hope you have not many sins left to be forgiven.
Because if you let go of that, you'll have only 60 seconds to list them.
- You are right.
- Do you hear something?
It sounded like someone moving underneath.
It's your nerves.
Where are they now?
They are near to the lift.
One is still inside with the bomb.
Ils sont prés de l'ascenseur. 
Y en a un dedans avec la bombe. 
Il y en a un qui sort.
The third one has come out of the lift now.
The third one is out now.
The bomb is still in there?
Yes, we think so.
This is the boring bit.
Tell them to get ready.
Standby. "Attention! 
Préparez-vous."
Get ready.
Come on.
We'll cut the lead cable when we get the word.
Haven't they had time to find the bomb?
Of course not. 
They haven't.
We've been watching them all the time.
Vas-y!" Go. 
Now!
- It started!
- Oh, my God.
I believe this is your floor.
Thank God.
How did I get myself into this?
- Are you all right?
- Yes.
- A bomb! 
There's a bomb up there!
- I know.
Fresh melons here! 
Nice fresh melons...
Hi, Lois.
Hi, Clark.
Clark!
- Have you ever heard of crosswalks?
- Yeah, but you know, I mean...
Do you have any idea how stupid that was?
Freak!
Clark, you were lucky that time.
You must be more careful. 
To cross the street you've got to look both ways.
Lois, usually I do.
Maybe you ought to get your glasses checked.
Not everybody can have "x-ray vision", you know.
Do I detect a note of jealousy in that voice?
Jealousy? 
No, not me.
Golly Lois, what are you doing?
When was the last time you heard me sneeze?
You are never going to hear me sneeze again!
I read this book, and it says if you get 1,000 milligrams of vitamin C every day, you stay in perfect health.
Golly, 1,000?
That's certainly a lot of oranges, isn't it?
- There are pills, you know. 
I've seen them.
- Pills. 
That's the modern way to do things.
This is natural.
Besides, I get my exercise that way.
And Clark, you don't have to be jealous.
I don't?
No, you've got so much going for you.
I do?
Do you mind if I give you a little constructive criticism?
- Actually, yes.
- Be more aggressive! 
You have to go from the instinct. 
You see something, you want it, you go for it!
That's what I do.
Yes, I've noticed.
- Perhaps I could help you there.
- Thanks, that would be great.
Let's see.
You put the orange in there.
That's very clever.
Clark you know that I wouldn't say all those things if I didn't really care.
You do?
What else are friends for?
"Friends"?
Here.
Here's to friendship.
This is how it ends for the greatest criminal mind of our time.
Not with a whimper. 
Not with a bang.
How do they choose to reward Lex Luthor the greatest genius in this world?
Do they give him glory or treasure?
What, matter of fact, do they give him?
Life plus 25, Luthor. 
Get to work.
Don't feel bad, Mr. Luthor.
It almost worked.
I mean, California almost fell down right in the ocean.
Millions of people almost died.
If it hadn't been for Superman, that overgrown Boy Scout...
I want my Liberace record back tonight.
What are you going to do with a guy like that?
He flies around so fast and everything.
I mean they can't even trace that guy on that radar they got.
Every time they try he just flies off.
- Where?
- North.
Why?
To ski?
Every man has his vulnerable point.
Some, like you Otis, have more than one.
I didn't see Superman's in time.
But now through patience, invention, and skill my little black box is just about ready.
Oh! 
That little black box in our cell.
That little black box, Mr. Luthor.
What's it for?
That little black box goes beyond any conventional radar.
It tracks alpha waves.
Alpha waves.
Those alpha waves will take me north to his secret.
And his secret will give me Superman.
The MAB is 196 at .5.
We ought to see the old beauty when we...
You follow the bouncing ball for a while.
It's giving me a headache.
Anyway, somebody's got to check up on those guys.
Yeah, I keep forgetting about them.
How long they been up there, 45 days?
The whole world's forgotten about us.
Houston calling Artemis II.
Houston calling Artemis II, come in.
'Morning, Houston.
Hold on, Nate.
- Yo!
- How are things going?
All systems normal, Houston.
Andy is out doing the geological survey...
More rocks.
And Cosmonaut Boris is getting some soil samples.
By the way, Boris and I are engaged.
I had a feeling about you guys when I saw your Rorschach tests.
Just a little détente humor there, Houston.
Surface conditions unchanged?
It's mighty pretty out there. 
Mighty pretty.
Mighty pretty, right.
Look, Nate...
Nate, wake up, will you?
That's it. 
I'm dreaming.
Artemis, come in.
Houston, we seem to have an unidentified flying object.
Unidentified?
- What does it look like?
- A lot like a like a girl.
You.
- What kind of a creature are you?
- Just a man.
A man?
What's your name?
Where are you from?
What a fragile sort of life form it is.
Houston, come in. 
Houston!
Come in, Houston.
Houston!
Somebody help me!
- Artemis, this is Houston calling.
- What's up?
- Artemis, Houston calling. 
Come in please.
- What's going on?
- I don't know. 
We've lost contact.
- So?
I mean really.
Artemis, come in please. 
Houston calling.
What was that he said before?
He saw a girl?
- I thought he said "curl".
- What's a "curl"?
Isn't that what the old Canaveral guys used to call a comet on an east-west trajectory?
How should I know?
I was in back high school in those days.
Strange.
I tore those metal fibers like paper.
And what he did was amazing!
- Something is happening.
- Yes. 
To all of us.
The closer we come to an atmosphere with only one sun a yellow sun the more our molecular density gives us unlimited powers!
They come from there a place called Houston.
Then we will go there too.
To rule.
Finally... to rule!
380 out.
381 out.
382 out.
383 out.
384 out.
385 out.
Lights out, Luthor.
I said, "Lights out!"
You guys are about ten seconds away from solitary, you know that?
I told you to...
Freeze, freeze!
Go out there and find it.
- What am I looking for?
- You'll know when you see it.
I think I found it.
What is it?
It's a ladder, you dummy.
Hi, Miss Teschmacher.
Come on.
Hurry up.
Come on, hurry.
Otis, hold that ladder, hurry up.
Come up.
Here I come, Mr. Luthor.
Otis, we're sinking!
Get off, get off!
Excuse me.
If you'd like to carry Mrs Smith over the threshold...
- What?
- It's sort of traditional.
I can give you a hand if you have trouble lifting...
No. 
Of course not.
- Honey. 
Thanks, I'll walk.
- Certainly, dear.
- Here you are.
- Sure is pink.
Careful with the bags, please.
First visit to Honeymoon Haven?
- Yes.
- Together, anyway.
Yes.
Let me just show you some of our special features.
These are our "Flames of Love", exclusive with this motel in the area.
If you want the flames to go higher, you just pull this.
I see.
- Look dear, that's kind of romantic.
- In July?
Honey?
For a nominal charge, our staff photographer will be happy to prepare a special souvenir album of your honeymoon stay.
He'll photograph you in some of our more intimate locations in the "tub for two", on the bear skin rug...
Gee, real polyester!
And here's the bed.
Right. 
Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
Of course.
- Thank you.
- Thank you, sir. 
And have a happy whatever.
Can you believe this?
Posing as newlyweds to expose a honeymoon racket in Niagara Falls!
What a waste of a great writer. 
Writers.
Perry White and his Sunday magazine exposés.
How am I supposed to get a Pulitzer Prize writing about a pink bear?
I don't know, I think this should be exposed.
They get kids who are just starting out and take them for every cent.
That's what Mr. White says.
On the other hand, this is kind of nice.
"Complimentary Champagne."
- Kissing contest tonight.
- Really?
Lois would... 
No.
Look at this.
Lois? 
Gee.
Look, I found a complimentary corsage.
Everything's complimentary here until you get the bill.
Gee, you look very pretty.
- Thank you, Clark.
- Sure.
You know, Lois, I was sort of thinking, later on I was just wondering what you wanted to do about the arrangements.
What arrangements, Clark?
I was thinking primarily about the the sleeping arrangements.
Mr. Smith the complimentary couch.
- Right.
What?
Gosh, it's alive.
Very good, Miss Teschmacher. 
Very good!
Why am I here? 
What am I doing here?
Miss Teschmacher, is this a philosophy seminar?
No.
This is a getaway.
- Getaway?
- Right.
Lex, how could you do that to Otis?
What else is ballast for?
Miss Teschmacher north. 
Due north.
Right, north.
- Where's Jimmy Olsen when I need him?
- Isn't it beautiful?
Just gorgeous. 
Gorgeous.
- Lois?
- Yes?
Everybody's holding hands.
Maybe we should hold hands, too?
- Here's my hand, Clark, hold it.
- Thanks.
You know what? 
They're afraid to let go.
- Why?
- Lf they let go, straight to the lawyer.
I don't know about that.
They look kind of happy to me.
Because you're blind.
Yeah.
- Here.
- No, I've got it.
You've got to look after yourself.
You've only got one pair of eyes.
Lois...
Here.
- Right.
- Don't say I never did anything...
Thank you.
Son! 
Excuse me, please.
Be careful!
Get down. 
Get down!
You're embarrassing me in front of everybody.
Did you see what almost happened there?
That little boy...
I'm hungry. 
Are you hungry?
- Lois, you're amazing.
- Because I'm hungry?
No, I mean here you stand with one of nature's most awesome spectacles and you're thinking about food.
Aren't you impressed?
Once a girl's seen Superman in action, Niagara Falls kind of leaves you cold.
- You know what I mean?
- Him again?
I'm sorry.
I have a one-track mind, don't I?
My one track mind's telling me that I'm hungry.
- Hot dog?
- Hot dog.
- Could I have some orange juice?
- Freshly squeezed, I know.
Mom, look!
Yeah, honey, that's nice.
Oh, my God!
Help!
Somebody help!
Way to go, Superman!
What a nice man!
- There you go.
- Again!
I'm sorry. 
Only one ride to a customer.
Superman! 
Superman, it's me, Lois!
Come here. 
You're going to get it!
Give me a heart attack...
It's me. 
It's Lois. 
Lois Lane.
Hello and goodbye.
What's the hurry, seeing as you happen to be in Niagara Falls?
Happen to be in Niagara Falls...
And, Clark...
Clark is not around as usual.
Lois?
- Here you go.
- Where were you?
I was getting hot dogs.
What do you mean?
It just seems kind of strange to me that every time Superman's around, you disappear.
Superman? 
You mean he was here?
Golly!
And you weren't. 
As usual.
- What have you got to say about that?
- Darn, I forgot your orange juice.
Clark!
No orange juice?
- Mush! 
Mush!
- I am mushing.
Ice and snow:
Is this your idea of a good time?
A good time? 
Is that all you care about?
North, Miss Teschmacher.
North!
Yes, Lex, north.
Look. 
It's his home.
It's Superman's home.
Good, more ice.
- Fantastic!
- Fantastic.
It's fantastic!
The construction goes far beyond any known architectural theory.
- It's beautiful.
- Beautiful.
- This place is genius!
- Genius.
- Lex!
- I'll be all right.
No, me.
Why can't you be more careful?
- This is beautiful.
- Beautiful.
- It has everything.
- Wrong.
- Why didn't you go before we left?
- That was two days ago.
This looks like some kind of control panel.
- Don't touch anything.
- Don't touch anything.
- Ice.
- I said don't touch it.
- It's not ice.
- It looks like a crystal.
Kryptonian memory bank, education crystal #308.
- I told you it was a crystal.
- Shut up!
Earth culture, Section B.
Trees by Joyce Kilmer, of the Planet Earth.
What?
"I think that I shall never see A poem lovely as a tree"
He's not here. 
It's a voice from the past.
That's cute. 
That's very cute.
"A tree that looks at God all day..."
I like trees!
So does your average cocker spaniel.
Give me another one.
No. 
The big one there.
Kal-El, my son  as the Keeper of the Archives of Krypton  it falls to me to tell you of the darkest episode in our planet's history.
Now this I want to hear.
After many eons of harmony, there appeared among us three rebel elements  what you would call on Earth, criminals.
Criminals? 
My kind of people.
Despite all our efforts, we were unable to change their evil natures, their evil ways.
As you know, we had no death penalty.
Sensible enough.
Therefore, our scientists constructed "The Phantom Zone".
In it, we placed these three arch-criminals  imprisoning them there for all eternity.
No possibility for parole?
Your father, Jor-El, thought long and hard upon that question.
I asked the right question.
There is one danger.
The Phantom Zone might  just might, be cracked by a nuclear explosion in space.
I wish you hadn't asked me that...
I didn't ask anything.
We do not know what would happen if they were to escape.
On Krypton, these villains were uncontrollable.
On Earth, they would have the same powers, each one of them  that you have.
Think of it.
- The first of the three...
- Three.
- ... is their leader, General Zod.
- Count them, three super-villains.
- Together with Non and Ursa...
- Each one with the same power he has.
Each one totally dedicated to corruption, violence, and evil.
Wait. 
That explains the three Alpha Waves I've been getting on my black box.
They'll need a contact here on Earth.
Someone with the same contempt for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
South, Miss Teschmacher!
You know, it's really amazing.
I never started to put it together before now. 
It's just kind of funny because a good reporter can't let anything slip by her.
- Of course not.
- I'm beginning to get the picture.
As usual, Lois, I really don't know what you're talking about.
Tell you what, I'll meet you back at the hotel.
What's your hurry, Superman?
Sorry?
I've got to admit, your disguise is nearly perfect. 
You had me fooled.
And I am nobody's fool, believe me.
No, of course not.
You just have an active imagination.
You get carried away sometimes.
- I understand. 
It can happen to anybody.
- Listen I 'm so sure that you're Superman that I'm willing to bet my life on it.
What?
If I'm right, you'll turn into Superman.
If I'm wrong you've got yourself one hell of a story.
You think I'm Superman?
Boy, you certainly have some imagination.
For a minute, you almost had me convinced. 
For a minute.
Bye-bye, baby.
Oh, my god!
Excuse me, please.
Help!
Superman!
Lois, swim!
Help!
Look out for the rocks! 
Oh, God!
Clark!
- Grab that branch!
- What?
Help!
Lois, you all right?
Here!
- You were what I thought was Superman?
- Sorry.
This is really embarrassing.
So this is planet Houston?
A very strange surface.
A primitive sort of life form.
Did you see that?
Did you see what I did?
I have powers beyond reason here.
We all have them, my dear.
I must've looked like an idiot jumping in the river, waiting for Mr. Wonderful who obviously had better things to do.
I'm sure it must've been something very important, Lois.
And then thinking you were...
If Perry White could see me now...
Where's my comb?
God, not only have I lost my mind, I've lost my comb.
Can you pass me that brush over there?
Sure.
- No. 
It's okay.
- Let me see your hand. 
Give it to me.
- No. 
It's all right, Lois.
- Let me look at it.
- You are Superman.
- Come on, don't be silly.
I'm sorry.
No, you don't have anything to be sorry about.
I don't know why I did that.
Maybe you wanted to.
I don't think I did.
Maybe you didn't want to with your mind, but maybe you wanted to with your heart.
We'd better talk.
I'm in love with you.
We really better talk.
I'm listening.
We can't talk here. 
Perry will call at about 6:00 to find out what's happening.
"What's happening"?
That's the understatement of the year.
Where do you want to talk?
Lois now that you know, I think you should know it all.
I want to.
Let's go to my place.
Maybe I should change first.
Maybe you should, too.
- They have a wide selection.
- I can't eat fish.
You can eat anything you want, Duane.
You can eat meat and potatoes.
I couldn't go anywhere where I was expected to eat fish.
They got beans.
I can't eat beans.
I come out in a rash if I eat beans.
Look, Duane, they have a wide selection.
I think I'll try the fish.
I don't know, from the look of them, I'll bet $10 they're from Los Angeles.
Hey, hippies! 
Get your butts off the road!
I like the globe. 
It flashes red like our Krypton sun.
But not this irritating noise.
Make way!
Did I hear right?
Did that son of a bitch give me an order?
Duane, you take care of it.
But...
You got to learn to kick ass if you want to be a peacemaker.
All right. 
Just what in the hell do you think you're doing here?
What is this symbol?
Do you follow another leader?
Follow the leader?
Holy skunk sweat!
- All right.
- A weapon of some sort?
How in the hell did you do that?
Jesus H. Christ!
Crude noise-maker.
Just checking the tire...
- Wow, this is your home!
- No.
Actually, I live in the city, about three blocks from you.
This is a very special place for me.
I wanted you to see it.
Listen, you warm enough?
I guess I should be freezing, but I'm not.
Good. 
Come on, let me show you.
You see? 
You only smell strong.
Baby!
It's only because I didn't want to lose my place in the orchestra.
The circus is in town!
Hey, sweet thing!
Set them buns down here!
Let's just hold hands.
Let me know if this tickles.
Your right front tire is flat, Duane.
Sheriff, what happened?
Willie...
I think my arm's broke.
Girl or no girl you're going to spit teeth! 
Get up!
What the sam hill?
Is that you, Boog?
All right.
Get 'em up, keep 'em up!
These humans are beginning to bore me.
- Please, Mister!
- He's a general.
Mr. General! 
Please let my daddy down!
You okay, Jody?
When my father died this is my Earth father, I mean I found this crystal.
This is kind of hard to explain, but you see it called to me.
Yeah. 
And it brought me here.
It helped me to build this place.
Actually it built it, really.
That's when I found out who I really was and what I had to do.
So what do you think? 
You like it?
Like it?
It's incredible!
I mean, not that it couldn't use a woman's touch especially around dinner time.
Dinner. 
I'm sorry.
I don't usually do too much about...
Listen, tonight, sky's the limit.
Anything you want.
I'm home!
Should we eat?
- Sure.
- Great.
Good morning, America.
This is East Houston, Idaho until yesterday, another middle American town that middle America had forgotten.
But today the population, exaggerated reports put it at 123 has increased by three.
And these three new arrivals bring destruction in their wake.
As I look west into East Houston this morning I see a town gripped with fear.
Who's the big guy?
Okay, yeah, we've got a P.O.
No.
We've got a slight crack in that diode.
- Come in on him if you can.
- Try to wiggle it.
Who else is seeing this?
With this satellite linkup, just about everybody. 
The whole planet.
- The whole planet Houston?
- Earth.
The whole planet Earth.
Get over to the commentator.
You may continue.
As the extraordinary story continues...
As this extraordinary story...
If the whole planet is watching, can't we show them something more interesting?
Throw down your arms and surrender!
This is an order!
General Zod does not take orders.
He gives them.
You all right, buddy?
He was right in the line of fire and nothing happened to him!
I haven't seen the likes of this since Superman.
Yes. 
The Newsbeat control room has just informed me  that a fleet of helicopter gun ships is on it's way...
- Mr. President, can't we...
- I'm afraid there's nothing anybody can do.
They have such powers, nothing can stop them.
Where's Superman? 
Where is he?
Why doesn't he do something?
General Smythson has informed us that nuclear weapon strikes have been ruled out because of the danger to the civilian population.
Starting firing run now.
Standby, rockets.
Fire one.
Fire again.
Fire again.
The rockets didn't have any effect.
Look, they need machines to fly!
What bravery!
Be nice to them, my dear.
Blow them a kiss.
We're out of control. 
I don't understand.
We're coming in, coming down, can't control it!
We're coming down!
I win.
I always win.
Is there no one on this planet to even challenge me?
That was good.
I thought we might abandon the orange juice for once.
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
Must be tough being Clark Kent, isn't it?
No.
I really like it sometimes.
Even though I do make a fool of myself.
You know, if it weren't for him I never would have met you.
But, he is you.
It's kind of confusing.
Not to me, it isn't.
For the first time in my life everything's clear.
I'm going to go change into something more comfortable.
Come forward.
Your general wishes to speak.
I am General Zod.
Your ruler.
Yes, today begins a new order!
Your lands, your possessions, your very lives will gladly be given in tribute to me, General Zod!
In return for your obedience you will enjoy my generous protection.
In other words, you will be allowed to live.
So you are a general...
And who is your superior?
- I answer only to the president.
- And he will answer to me or all of his cities will end up like this one!
Your father and I have tried to anticipate your every question, Kal-El.
This is the one we hoped you would not ask.
But I have to, because she's everything I want in life.
And she, the one you have chosen  she feels as much for you?
Yes.
Then if this is what you wish  if you intend to live your life with a mortal  you must live as a mortal.
You must become one of them.
This crystal chamber has harnessed the rays of the red sun of Krypton.
Once exposed to these rays, all  your great powers on Earth will disappear forever.
But consider  once it is done, there is no return.
You will become an ordinary man.
You will feel like an ordinary man.
You can be hurt like an ordinary man.
My son, are you sure?
Mother I love her.
You did all that for me?
I don't know what to say.
Just say you love me.
Thousands of hours to create, and they defaced it in seconds.
Imagine what they'll do to the world if we resist.
The whole place is going to fall!
Watch it!
You are the one they call President?
I am.
I see you are practiced in worshipping things that fly.
Good.
Rise before Zod.
Now, kneel before Zod.
You are not the President.
No one who leads so many could possibly kneel so quickly.
I am the man they are protecting.
I am the President.
I'll kneel before you if it will save lives.
It will. 
Starting with your own.
What I do now, I do for the sake of the people of the world.
But there is one man here on Earth who will never kneel before you.
Who is this imbecile? 
Where is he?
I wish I knew.
God.
Zod.
You're awfully quiet over there.
I'm supposed to be the shy one.
Yeah, I was just thinking I can't believe what you've given up for me.
Are you kidding?
I didn't do it for you, Lois, I did it for us.
See, I told you there'd be a hot dog place somewhere.
Okay. 
It sure takes longer when you can't fly.
Hurry up.
- Come on.
- Okay.
My back's stiff.
Come on, it's my treat.
Oh, boy, it's Mr. Wonderful.
Thank you.
- Do you have a men's room?
- Right in the corner.
- Want to sit down?
- Yeah.
What would you folks like?
I'd like a cheeseburger with everything on it and a Coke and an order of fries and a side salad, please.
For you, sir?
- I'll think about it when I get back.
- Right.
- Steak and eggs, over easy, coffee.
- My Coke, please.
Coming up.
Sorry, that seat's taken.
It is now, sweetheart.
Can I buy you something to eat?
No, thank you.
Excuse me.
I think you're sitting in my seat.
Your seat's in there, four-eyes.
I think, perhaps somebody ought to teach you some manners, sir.
Yeah? 
Let me know when he comes in.
- Look, we can just...
- Honey...
Excuse me, sir, would you care to step outside?
I said, excuse me, sir, would you care to step outside?
Now listen, your steak's coming right up.
Keep it on the flame, this is just a minute steak.
After you.
You all right?
He's going to be fine, just give me that.
Blood. 
It's my blood.
I think maybe we ought to hire a bodyguard from now on.
I don't want a bodyguard.
I want the man I fell in love with.
I know that.
I wish he were here.
Boy, you just don't have enough sense to stay down do you?
I don't like your meat, anyway.
Oh, God.
Can you get up?
- It's all right. 
I got you.
- Go slow.
Try and get up in that chair.
- Sit down.
- I'm all right.
He's all right. 
Just relax.
We'll have some fresh coffee.
I'll turn the box on.
We interrupt this program for an urgent message  from the President of the United States.
This is your President.
On behalf of my country and in the name of the other leaders of the world  with whom I have today consulted  I hereby abdicate  all authority and control over this planet  to General Zod.
Only by strict compliance with all his directions  will the lives of innocent millions be spared.
Superman, can you hear me?
- Superman, where...
- Who is this Superman?
You'll find out! 
And when you do...
Come to me, Superman! 
If you dare!
I defy you!
Come! 
Come and kneel before Zod!
- Here? 
When?
- When?
Where have you been?
On a desert island?
I have to go back.
You can't go back.
- There's no way, now.
- I have to.
I've got to try, damn it!
I've got to try something. 
Anything!
It's not your fault.
You didn't know this was going to happen.
They knew.
I heard them.
I just didn't listen.
Hey, come on!
Father?
Mother?
I really wish you could hear me.
Because I need you.
See, I I...
I failed.
Father!
You're master of all you survey.
And so I was yesterday.
And the day before.
Hello, there.
Lex Luthor.
You may know the name.
The greatest criminal mind on Earth.
I told you this was a puny planet.
Wait, just a moment.
Wait until you get to know me better, will you, please?
Wait, I can give you anything you want.
I can give you the brass ring, the unlimited freedom to maim kill, destroy.
Plus, Lex Luthor's keen mind.
Lex Luthor's savvy.
Lex Luthor's career guidance.
Lex Luthor's School of Better...
We have all of this without you.
You cannot bargain with what you don't have.
Magnificent One.
What I am bargaining with is what you do not have.
The son of Jor-El.
The son of Jor-El? 
On this planet?
Possibly you know him better by his "nom de voyage", or his name he travels under.
Superman.
So, this is Superman.
- How do you know of Jor-El?
- My Fullness as I explained to you before...
I'm the best there is.
Revenge! 
We will kill the son of our jailer.
- Revenge!
- Revenge! 
Now we're cooking!
- He flies?
- Constantly.
- He has powers as we do?
- Certainly. 
But...
Magnificent One, he's just one where you are three.
Or four if you count him twice.
We will bring him to his knees.
Wait!
First, you must find him.
And Lex baby is the only one who knows where he is.
What do you want?
Well, General...
The world is a big place.
Thank goodness my needs are small.
As it turns out, I have this affinity for beachfront property.
What do you want?
Australia.
I can't understand it!
Where is he? 
He shows up every time a cat gets stuck in a tree and now he's decided to pull a disappearing act?
- We haven't figured out his game plan.
- Game plan!
It's fourth down, the two-minute warning has sounded and the ball is in our territory.
How brilliant do you have to be? 
I mean...
Superman's got something up his sleeve, that's for sure.
- We haven't figured it out. 
Right?
- He'll be here!
If it's at all possible, he'll be here.
See?
And she knows his plays better than anybody.
Better than anybody.
Maybe he hasn't heard about it yet.
Sounds like an earthquake.
Quick, take a picture!
You all right, chief?
Even with accumulated knowledge when'll these dummies learn to use a doorknob?
Hi!
You should see the White House, months of cleaning.
You promised me the son of Jor-El.
Yes, your Grace.
But what I've given you is the next best thing.
Hold on to that little lady and he'll be along.
They have this relationship.
She does all his public relations and he gives her every exclusive.
They're the best of friends.
Know what I mean?
What an undemanding male this Superman must be.
You could use a tuck here and there.
Wait!
- I'm sorry!
- She lives for now.
Kill the rest starting with him.
Wait. 
Wait.
Remember the White House?
The Oval Room?
We had a few laughs, right?
General would you care to step outside?
Superman!
Superman, thank God.
I mean, get him!
Come to me, Son of Jor-El!
Kneel before Zod!
Watch out. 
You all right?
Wait there.
Son of Jor-El!
We were beginning to think you were a coward!
I'm not a coward.
Let him prove it!
Then die as you deserve to!
Come on, get him!
This is going to be good!
Take him. 
He's yours.
Come on! 
Kill him!
Superman...
The big one's just as strong as Superman!
Hold him.
Home run!
This "super" man is nothing of the kind.
I've discovered his weakness.
He cares.
He actually cares for these Earth people.
- Like pets?
- I suppose so.
Sentimental idiot.
He's caged Non.
I'll draw his fire.
With some of my own.
Get out of here! 
The rig's going to blow!
Superman, help us!
I never thought this thing would go the distance.
You people, get back.
Here, take the end of this.
No. 
Don't do it!
The people!
Where's you wife, sir?
I got her. 
Don't worry.
He's dead.
Superman is dead.
He's not coming out!
They killed Superman.
Let's get them!
Come on, let's go!
Forgot your change!
Wait a minute!
I'm holding it, I'm holding it!
I can't see what's happening!
- My hair!
- What about mine?
Hold on!
He's alive!
Come back, please!
So he is a coward after all.
Come back, Superman!
- Don't leave us!
- We can't handle it without you.
- It's not our fault.
- He chickened out.
Phony!
Superman didn't even do nothing!
Come on, let's go!
Get away from here!
Our victory is complete!
The son of Jor-El has fled.
Superman fled?
I don't believe you.
- The next time we will kill him!
- The next time?
The next time?
What am I going to do with you people?
I held up my end, I delivered the Blue Boy.
What do I get from my triple threat?
"Bow, yield, kneel," that kind of stuff closes out a town.
Why do you say this to me when you know I will kill you for it?
Kill me? 
Lex Luthor?
Extinguish the greatest criminal flame of our age?
- Eradicate the only man on earth with...
- Kill him!
Superman's address?
Come!
The three of us will crush the son of our jailer.
Why not increase his handicap?
Since he cares so much for these Earth creatures let us take his favorite.
Ever heard of parachutes?
Another small step for mankind.
Scruffy.
So morbid.
A sentimental replica of a planet long since vanished.
- No style at all.
- I expect better manners from my guests.
We must combine our strength.
Fools!
Take him!
We played this game at school.
Never was very good at it.
Superman, I knew that you'd...
Wrong again!
No, no!
Release the General or we'll tear her apart.
Superman, no!
Superman, don't!
All right!
Did you really think we would give up our advantage?
Now the son of Jor-El will be my slave.
Forever.
If not, the millions of earthlings you protect will pay for your defiance.
Destroy this place.
- Hi, guys. 
Sorry I'm late.
- We have no more use for this one.
Kill him.
Me?
You came to me with nothing, I gave you Superman.
Silence!
Well, look...
Watch it. 
Don't touch me!
Guy's a clod.
Promises were made, gifts exchanged.
I got to hand it to you.
You always told the truth.
A guy always knew where he stood with you.
Try to get them all into this molecule chamber.
It takes away their powers, see, and turns them into ordinary human beings. 
Now, if you could...
Don't go in there, it's a trap!
You poisonous snake!
That's a molecule chamber.
It makes people like you into people like me.
You've done well.
The crystal there activates the mechanism.
Lex Luthor, ruler of Australia.
Activate the machine!
Thank you.
With your permission.
And now finally.
Take my hand and swear eternal loyalty to Zod.
He switched it!
He did it to them!
I mean the lights were on out here while he was safe in there!
You know, something?
You're a real pain in the neck!
Are you all right?
I knew you'd double-cross me.
A lying weasel like you couldn't resist.
Are you kidding?
I was with you all the time.
That was beautiful.
Did you see the way they fell into our trap?
Too late!
Look.
I got a proposition for you.
Don't stop me until you've heard this because I know I owe you one, but we're in the north pole, right?
Let's wipe the slate clean.
If you give me a ride back, I promise to turn over a new leaf...
It looks so beautiful from up here.
I guess I'll never get to fly with you again.
No. 
Anywhere you want to go.
You don't have to worry.
I'll never tell them who you really are.
I know.
See you later.
Hi.
Did you sleep all right?
No. 
I didn't close my eyes all night.
- Look...
- I understand.
I sat up all night listening to the voices of reason.
You know how vile it is to hear the first bird of the morning when you've been crying all night?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
I guess it's sort of like being married to a doctor, you know.
The doctor's awakened at night and the wife has to cope with the fact that he's gone.
I guess I'm just too selfish.
No. 
You're not selfish at all.
I am selfish, when it comes to you.
I am selfish.
I'm jealous of the whole world.
It may not be easy for you to hear this now, but someday you'll...
Don't tell me that I'll meet somebody.
You're kind of a tough act to follow, you know?
I'm going to be fine, you don't have to worry about me.
I like worrying about you.
Would you stop?
Don't you know that this is killing me?
Do you know what it's like to have you come in here every morning and not be able to talk to you?
Not be able to show I have any feelings for you?
Not be able to tell anyone that I know who you are.
I don't even know what to call you.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know. 
Say that you love me.
Gee, are you okay? 
What happened?
- You all right?
- I just got so dizzy.
That's what happens when I don't have my orange juice.
- I'm fine.
- Breathe.
- I'm breathing, for heaven's sake.
- Good for you. 
Good.
- God.
- Just drink.
- Okay.
- Just sip it.
I'm fine.
What was I talking about before?
If I know you, it was probably about Superman.
Him again?
You've got to stop being threatened every time the guy's name's mentioned.
I mean, nobody expects you to be anything but what you are.
I'll try to remember that.
You better remember that.
I appreciate you.
- You do?
- Sure.
Especially if you get me a hamburger.
A hamburger. 
At 9:00 a.m.?
Yeah, and everything on it, okay?
Everything on it.
- And...
- Orange juice. 
Freshly squeezed.
Isn't he a nice guy?
Let's see what trouble I can get into today.
What's happening in the world?
Give me another plate of this garbage.
Garbage? 
That's my number one special!
All right!
Get me some more coffee too, will you?
Gee, that's funny.
I've never seen garbage eat garbage before.
Excuse me, sir.
I think you're sitting in my favorite seat.
Come and get it, four-eyes.
Now cool it!
Take it easy.
I just had this joint fixed.
It cost me a fortune.
God!
This order's to go.
I'm terribly sorry about all the damage, sir.
I've been working out.
Good afternoon, Mr. President.
Sorry I've been away so long.
I won't let you down again.
English subtitles conformed by SOFTITLER

I ask you now to pronounce judgment on those accused.
On this...
This mindless aberration, whose only means of expression are wanton violence and destruction.
On the woman, Ursa whose perversions and unreasoning hatred of all mankind have threatened even the children of the planet Krypton.
Finally, General Zod.
Chief architect of this intended revolution and author of this insidious plot to establish a new order amongst us with himself as absolute ruler.
The decision of the council will now be heard.
Guilty.
- Guilty.
- Guilty.
Guilty.
The vote must be unanimous, Jor-El.
It has therefore now become your decision.
You alone will condemn us if you wish and you alone will be held responsible by me.
You will bow down before me, Jor-El.
I swear it.
No matter that it takes an eternity, you will bow down before me!
Both you and then one day your heirs!
You will bow down before me!
- Forgive me!
- I'll be back!
Forgive me!
Your mother Lara has sent you three blankets, of red, yellow and blue.
Their protection will ensure your strength.
It's kryptonite, Superman.
A little souvenir from the old hometown.
You were great in your day, Superman.
But it just stands to reason when it came time to cash in your chips this old, diseased maniac would be your banker.
Mind over muscle.
Why did you kiss me first?
It... 
I didn't think you'd let me later.
Stand aside, now.
Free!
Nice fresh melons.
Nice fresh melons. 
Get them fresh here.
Good for the cooking, huh?
Look at this, the best.
"Lex Luthor's scheme bombs.
Superman saves nation.
Master criminal draws harsh sentence.
Exclusive story by Lois Lane.
Photographs by James Olsen."
Luthor, you never looked lovelier.
Lois, terrific job.
- Thanks, chief.
- Great story, really great.
Hey, good morning, chief. 
You're late.
Yeah, Miss Lane, that's a great story.
One of the best.
Well, Jimmy, usually a picture isn't worth a thousand words when I write the story but in this case, congratulations.
- Yeah, thanks a lot.
- Yeah.
There's Mr. Kent. 
Bet he wishes he'd been around when it all happened.
Clark, he's never around when Superman appears.
Poor guy.
- You got a page in the front?
- Yeah.
Miss Lane got the best story.
Good morning, Lois.
Hi.
Lane, Kent, get in here!
Now, see, Jimmy, you got me in trouble.
- We were talking.
- So long. 
A big mistake.
Next time, don't do that to me.
- Good morning, Lois. 
How are you today?
- Oh, I'm just super. 
Thanks.
- Good morning, Mr. White.
- I'm super.
- Yeah, morning. 
You're late, Kent.
- I know. 
I'm sorry, Mr. White.
- I got stuck in traffic.
- Oh, that's a new one.
- Excuse me?
- I mean, as opposed to:
"I was stuck in a phone booth" or "I got locked into the men's bathroom."
Lois, what are you talking about?
I'm sorry I was late.
If you two wanna bicker, I have just the assignment for you.
You're gonna pose as a honeymoon couple to get an exposé on the newlywed racket.
Some of those hotels are bilking those poor kids for every cent they can get.
Real human-interest stuff.
Make your Aunt Hattie cry her eyes out.
- Newlyweds?
- That is a great idea, Mr. White.
- I'm sorry, but I'm in the middle of a series...
- I mean, it wouldn't take long.
We could just fly right up there and zoom back down again.
No, Superman?
Yeah. 
If he'd give you two a ride, maybe we could save a couple bucks.
I gotta see young Olsen.
Six lousy photographs and that kid's hitting me up for a raise.
- Excuse me. 
Mr. White? 
Could we talk?
Darn.
You look like the cat who swallowed the canary this morning.
A canary? 
No, actually I was thinking of something bigger something that flies, something more in blue.
Lois, as usual, I'm totally in the dark...
Let me just turn on the lights for you then.
Get the picture?
I didn't put this together until this morning. 
Which is really strange because a good reporter isn't supposed to let anything slip by her.
Well, that's very amusing. 
Yes.
- Excuse me.
- Amusing?
- Yes, sirree, that's... 
That's very amusing.
- Amusing, huh?
Tall, broad shoulders dark hair.
Gotta give you credit, you really had me fooled.
And I'm nobody's fool Superman.
Superman?
You mean you think I'm Superman?
- Willing to bet my life on it.
- Lois, you know, you are priceless.
Really. 
That is the single most ridiculous thing I've ever...
- Lois, what are you doing?
- You wouldn't let me die, Superman.
- Oh, God.
- Help her out. 
Help her out.
- Clark!
- Lois, what have you done?
Clark, the... 
You're not...
Hey, Clark, you seen Lois?
She just stepped out for a minute.
This is how it ends for the greatest criminal mind of our time.
Not with a whimper, not with a bang.
How do they choose to reward Lex Luthor the greatest genius in this world?
Do they give him glory or treasure?
What, matter of fact, do they give him?
Life plus 25, Luthor. 
Get to work.
Don't feel bad, Mr. Luthor.
It almost worked.
I mean, California almost fell down, right in the ocean.
Millions of people was almost killed.
If it hadn't been for that guy Superman, that overgrown Boy Scout.
- I want my Liberace record back tonight.
- Tonight?
What are you gonna do with a guy like that?
He flies around so fast and everything.
I mean, they can't even trace that guy on that radar they got.
Every time they try, he just flies off.
- Where?
- North.
Why?
To ski?
Otis, every man has his vulnerable point.
Some, like you, Otis, have more than one.
I didn't see Superman's in time.
But now, through patience, invention, and skill my little black box is just about ready.
Oh, that little black box in our cell?
That little black box, Mr. Luthor what's it for?
That little black box goes beyond any normal, conventional radar.
It tracks alpha waves.
Alpha waves. 
Yeah.
I could've said it tracked pasta e fagioli, couldn't I?
Oh, with garlic, Mr. Luthor. 
And butter.
Boy.
Those alpha waves will take me north to his secret.
And when I have his secret, I'll have Superman.
Slasher Fogelstein's a bed wetter.
Slasher Fogelstein's a bed wetter.
Pass it.
Hi, Mr. Fogelstein.
- too fast. 
Can you get the speed right?
I told you, they installed those three weeks ago.
Hey.
You follow the bouncing ball for a while.
Thing's giving me a headache.
Anyway, somebody's gotta check up on those guys.
Yeah, I keep on forgetting about them.
How long they been up there, 45 days?
The whole world's forgotten about it.
Houston calling Artemis II.
Houston calling Artemis II. 
Come in.
Morning, Houston. 
Hold on, Nate.
- Yo.
- How are things going?
All systems normal, Houston.
Andy is out doing the geological survey.
More rocks. 
Nice.
And cosmonaut Boris is getting some soil samples.
By the way, Boris and I are engaged.
I had a feeling about you guys when I saw your Rorschach tests.
Just a little détente humor there, Houston.
Surface conditions unchanged?
Well, it's mighty pretty out there. 
Mighty pretty.
- Mighty pretty.
Right.
Look, Nate?
Nate, wake up, will you?
That's it. 
I'm dreaming.
Artemis, come in.
Well, Houston, we seem to have an unidentified flying object.
Unidentified?
- What does it look like?
- Well a lot like a girl.
You.
- What kind of a creature are you?
- Just a man.
A man?
What a fragile sort of life form this is.
Houston, come in. 
Come in, Houston.
Come in, Houston. 
Come in.
Attempting manual liftoff.
Can somebody hear me?
Houston!
Come on.
Come on, Houston!
Oh, no. 
No!
Somebody help me!
- Artemis, Houston calling. 
Come in.
- What's going on?
- I don't know. 
We've lost contact.
- So?
Well, we really...
Artemis, come in, please.
All right, which one of you guys is using the hair dryer?
Strange. 
I tore those metal fibers like paper.
And what he did was amazing.
- Something is happening.
- Yes, to all of us.
The closer we come to an atmosphere with only one sun a yellow sun the more our molecular density gives us unlimited powers.
They come from there.
A place called Houston.
Then we will go there too to rule.
Finally, to rule.
Three-eighty-two, out.
Three-eighty-three, out.
Three-eighty-four, out.
Three-eighty-five, out.
Lights out, Luthor.
I said, lights out.
You guys are about 10 seconds away from solitary, you know that?
I told you to...
Freeze, freeze.
Mr. Luthor.
- How we gonna get over that wall?
- How'd we get in?
- We flew in here, remember?
- That's how we'll get out.
Oh, no, not that guy.
Did you just go "psst"?
I wish I had, Mr. Luthor, before we left.
Not that "psst," that "psst."
- Don't go "psst" when I go "psst." 
- You do it.
Go out there and find it.
- What am I looking for?
- You'll know when you see it.
I think I found it.
What is it?
It's a ladder, you dummy.
Hi, Miss Teschmacher.
Come on.
Hurry up. 
Hurry up.
Come on, hurry.
Otis, hold that ladder. 
Hurry up.
- yard line, touchdown!
Oh, what a beautiful play.
But there's a marker downfield.
It could be against...
- Come up.
- Come on.
Here I come, Mr. Luthor.
- Get off. 
Get off.
- Otis!
- We're sinking!
- Get off, get off!
Very good, Miss Teschmacher. 
Very good.
- What am I doing here? 
Why am I here?
- Miss Teschmacher is this a philosophy seminar?
- No. 
This is a getaway.
- No.
- Getaway.
- Right.
It's ingenious. 
I don't know where you got the inspiration from.
I got it from you, Lex.
Hot air rises.
Would you like to take a trip?
A trip? 
A vacation.
Lex, I can go shopping.
I can buy a bikini.
You thought about me in a bikini while in prison?
No, I didn't, actually.
I thought about you in a parka.
You thought about me in a parka?
You are sick, Lex. 
You are really sick.
That's possible.
North, Miss Teschmacher.
Due north.
Lex, north.
That's what I said, due north.
- That's what you said.
- I know I said I said that.
- I just heard it.
- Yes, Lex.
Don't repeat what I say when I say something.
- I won't repeat what you say.
- Okay, don't.
Well, stop repeating me.
Excuse me.
Would you like to carry Mrs. Smith over the threshold?
It's sort of traditional.
I can give you a hand if you have trouble lifting.
- No, of course not.
- Honey. 
Thanks, I'll walk.
Certainly, dear.
Mush! 
Mush!
I am mushing.
North, Miss Teschmacher.
- North, north!
- Yes, Lex. 
North.
Oh, you must be wrong, Lex.
This couldn't be his home way up here.
"Wrong, Lex."
Miss Teschmacher, those are two words we do not use in the same sentence.
Well, it's funny there's no front door.
Miss Teschmacher, "funny" is a person trying to smile without any teeth.
Right.
All right, come on, Lex. 
Come on.
Move out of the way.
- This way.
- It's this way.
Lex, it's this way.
It's this way, Lex.
- Come on. 
Come on.
- Get off!
Come on.
- Fantastic.
- Fantastic.
It's fantastic!
The construction goes far beyond any known architectural theory.
- It's beautiful.
- It's beautiful.
- Lex.
- I'll be all right.
No, me.
Why can't you be more careful?
- It's beautiful.
- Beautiful.
- It has everything.
- Wrong.
- Why didn't you go before we left?
- That was two days ago.
Be careful, Lex.
Get!
Frankly, I think this place is a little boring. 
It's all white.
Why doesn't the guy put up some pictures?
Maybe some bullfighting posters.
- Don't touch anything.
- Don't touch anything.
- Ice.
- I said, don't touch it.
- It's not ice.
- It looks like a crystal.
The virtuous spirit has no need for thankful approval...
- What the...?
...owning a certain conviction that what has been done is right.
That's the old man.
He looks just like the kid.
- Are you the old man?
- Ask him where the bathroom is.
Develop such conviction in yourself.
Are you here?
- The human heart on your planet...
- He's not here.
It's a voice from the past.
That's cute. 
That's really cute. 
Nice.
Lies, monstrous deceptions.
So much for moral rearmament.
Give me another crystal.
Education crystal 108. 
Earth culture.
A typical ode much loved by the people you will live among, Kal-El.
Trees by Joyce Kilmer.
I think that I shall never see
A poem as lovely as a tree.
Come on, I like trees.
So does your average cocker spaniel.
Give me another.
Cute.
My son...
- The man never ages.
- Never ages.
...the time has come to tell you of the darkest episode in Krypton history.
- Now, this I wanna hear.
- Unfortunately even on our peaceful planet there have appeared once in a great while certain antisocial elements.
Deviants what you call on Earth "criminals."
Criminals.
Deviants. 
He was right in the first place.
Though of course, we are not a penalty planet like Earth and these unhappy souls were almost always successfully transformed into productive citizens.
- You never heard of Lex Luthor?
There were, however, three exceptions...
Only three.
- who proved impossible to rehabilitate.
There's hope.
Non, the destroyer.
Unreasoning violence in the shape of a being.
Ursa. 
Vicious, cruel, obsessed by a single-minded hatred which could never be determined.
And the one force that could unite them the only one whose warped genius could harness these forces of evil:
General Zod.
- He looks kind of cute.
- His intended insurrection was the most painful episode our people ever had to endure.
But after a long and terrible battle peace and harmony were once again restored.
Kind of an anticlimax.
We had, of course, no death penalty.
Sensible enough.
And so they were placed in the Phantom Zone to be imprisoned for all eternity.
I do not know what could be done if they were to escape.
On Krypton, these villains were uncontrollable.
On Earth, each of them would have the identical powers that you have.
Think of it. 
Three super villains.
All three with the same power he has.
All three totally dedicated to corruption, violence, evil.
They need a contact on Earth.
Someone who felt the same as they did, someone who had the same wonderful contempt for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Too true to be good.
Right?
- Miss Teschmacher?
- I found it.
I think.
- Where's Jimmy Olsen when I need him?
- Golly, isn't it beautiful?
Yeah, it's gorgeous. 
Gorgeous.
- Lois?
- Yeah?
Look. 
Everybody's holding hands.
Maybe we should hold hands too, huh?
- Here's my hand, Clark. 
Hold it.
- Thanks.
You know what? 
They're afraid to let go.
- Why?
- They let go, straight to the lawyer.
Oh, I don't know about that.
They look kind of happy to me.
That's because you're blind, Clark.
- Oh, yeah.
- Here.
- No, I've got it. 
No, I...
- Yeah. 
Clark.
You've gotta look after yourself.
You've only got one pair of eyes.
- God.
- Lois?
- Now, here.
- Right.
- Don't say I never did anything for you.
- Thank you.
Son! 
Excuse me, please.
- Be careful.
- What are you doing?
Get down! 
Get down!
You embarrass me here in front of everybody.
Lois, did you see what almost happened there? 
That little boy...
Hey, I'm hungry. 
You hungry?
- Lois, you're amazing.
- Why, because I'm hungry?
No. 
Here you are standing in front of one of nature's most awesome spectacles and you're thinking about food. 
Aren't you impressed?
Clark, once a girl's seen Superman in action Niagara Falls kind of leaves you cold, you know?
Him again, huh?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I have a one-track mind, don't I?
Well, my one-track mind is telling me that I'm hungry.
- Hot dog?
- Hot dog.
Hot dog.
Could I have some orange juice?
- Freshly squeezed.
- Freshly squeezed, I know.
Hey, Mom. 
Look!
Yeah, honey. 
That's nice.
Okay, it's two mustard and relish, and...
Oh, my God!
Help!
Help!
Somebody help!
Do something!
Good.
Hey, Superman!
Way to go, Superman!
We got a great shot.
What a nice man.
Of course he's Jewish.
Incredible.
- There you go.
- Again, again!
No, I'm sorry.
Only one ride to a customer.
- Superman. 
Superman, it's me, it's Lois!
- Bye.
Come here. 
You're gonna get it!
- Give me a heart attack here.
- It's me. 
It's Lois.
It's Lois Lane.
Well, hello and goodbye.
So this is planet Houston.
A very strange surface.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, that's all right.
- I just didn't hear you knock, that's all.
- Lois the door wasn't even locked.
Just anybody can walk in here.
- There you go putting yourself down again.
- Very funny.
No, really, I'm serious.
Well, anyway here, a little something for the newlyweds' dinner tonight.
Pansies. 
Clark, how...
How different.
Would you believe they grow wild all around here?
You should see what they charge for roses at the gift shop.
I'll bet, huh?
- You know something, Lois?
- What?
Well, you know, in spite of the unreality of all this...
Well, you know, posing as newlyweds for the sake of a newspaper story.
Well, in spite of myself even I'm kind of starting to feel like one in a way.
- A newlywed, you?
- I don't see why that should be so strange.
I'm sorry. 
I didn't mean that.
I mean, I'm sure there's thousands of girls who'd...
Well, a few girls anyway.
- Go ahead and say it.
- Say what?
That somehow you're not satisfied being here with me.
That in some way I don't seem to shape up very well in your eyes.
I don't have anything to apologize for.
I'm a good reporter.
No, I'm a very good reporter.
And an even better friend to you.
- Stand up.
- Stand up?
Yeah, stand up, just for fun.
Now, come here. 
Look at yourself.
Just look at yourself.
What we have here is a potentially aggressive, dynamite guy who can do anything he wants.
I mean, it's not my fault you keep putting yourself down.
- Oh, yeah? 
How?
- Well, for starters you slouch all the time.
Here, stand up straight.
There, that's better.
And get yourself a jacket with a vent and shoes that don't lace up and a shirt with a little color or a pattern or something.
And a bow tie that doesn't look like a letter opener.
All right, Lois. 
All right.
- We've been through this, haven't we?
- Yes.
I know where this is all leading to.
And I'm sorry. 
I mean, I'm sorry but no matter how hard I try, I just...
Just... 
Just never will be him.
Him who?
"Him who"? 
Him Superman.
Now, I can't help the fact that you seem to think that you love him.
That's something I'll have to live with.
But darn it, Lois, that's enough now.
Maybe I just can't stand the competition anymore.
And just maybe you've been the competition all along.
Lois, I've never been particularly good at riddles.
Let me make this one really easy for you.
Why, with thousands of children potentially falling off something lethal all around the world, would Superman be in Niagara Falls today?
Why not the Grand Canyon?
- Ask the child's family. 
I'm sure they know.
- Why is it always when I'm with you until Superman appears?
And then you seem to disappear.
- Very conveniently, it seems to me.
- I was out for hot dogs. 
For Pete's sake...
When Superman appeared, I looked at that hot dog stand and you were gone.
- I was...
- Nowhere.
I can't help it if I had to go to the...
You are Superman, aren't you?
Lois, look, we've been through these hallucinations of yours before.
Can't you see what you almost did?
Throwing yourself off a building 30 stories high?
Can't you see the tragic mistake you almost made?
Yeah, I made a mistake.
I made a mistake because I risked my life instead of yours.
Lois, don't be insane.
And don't fall down because you're just gonna have to get up again.
Lois, now, don't be crazy now. 
Lois!
It is you.
I guess I've known this for the longest time.
You realize, of course if you'd been wrong, Clark Kent would have been killed.
With a blank?
Gotcha.
A primitive sort of life form.
Did you see that?
Did you see what I did?
I have powers beyond reason here.
We all have them, my dear.
- Wow, this is your home?
- No.
Actually, I live in the city, about three blocks from you.
No, this is a very special place for me.
I wanted you to see it.
Listen, you warm enough?
I guess I should be freezing, but I'm not.
Good.
Come on, let me show you.
I don't know.
From the look of them, I'll bet $10 they're from Los Angeles.
Hey, you hippies, get your butts off the road!
I like the globe. 
It flashes red like our Krypton sun.
But not this irritating noise.
Make way.
Did I hear right?
That son of a bitch give me an order?
Duane, you take care of it.
Just what in the hell do you think you're doing here?
What is this symbol?
Do you follow another leader?
Follow the leader?
Holy skunk sweat.
- All right.
- A weapon of some sort.
How the hell did you do that?
Jesus H. Christ.
- That was good.
- I thought we might abandon the orange juice for once.
- Here, cheers.
- Cheers.
Must be tough being Clark Kent, isn't it?
No. 
No, I really...
I really like it sometimes.
Even though I do make a fool of myself.
But, you know, if it weren't for him, I never would have met you.
But he is you.
- It's kind of confusing.
- Not to me, it isn't.
Everything's clear.
Until yesterday, a middle-American town that Middle America had forgotten.
But today, the population...
Exaggerated reports put it at 123.
- has increased by three.
And these three new arrivals bring destruction in their wake.
As I look west into East Houston this morning I see a town gripped with fear.
- Who's the guy?
Get that guy. 
Follow the guy.
Who's the big guy?
Okay, yeah, we've got a...
- You got that?
- No.
- That's fine.
- Try to wiggle it.
Who else is seeing this?
Well, with this satellite linkup, just about everybody. 
The whole planet.
The whole planet Houston?
Earth. 
The whole planet Earth.
You may continue.
As the extraordinary story continues...
- Enough of this man.
- As this extraordinary...
If the whole planet is watching, let's show them something interesting.
Throw down your arms and surrender!
This is an order.
General Zod does not take orders. 
He gives them.
He was in the line of that fire and nothing happened to him.
I haven't seen the likes of this since Superman.
Yes? 
Yes.
The Newsbeat control room has informed me that a fleet of helicopter gunships is...
- Mr. President, sir, can't we...?
- There's nothing anybody can do.
They have such powers, nothing can stop them.
Where's Superman?
Where is he?
Why doesn't he do something?
Fire again.
Fire again.
Look. 
They need machines to fly.
- Banking now.
- What bravery.
Be nice to them, my dear.
Blow them a kiss.
Rockets ready. 
Coming in on target.
Wait, wait.
We're out of control.
We're coming in, coming down.
Can't control it!
We're coming down.
I win.
I always win.
Is there no one on this planet to even challenge me?
Come forward.
Your general wishes to speak.
I am General Zod, your ruler.
Yes, today begins a new order!
Your lands, your possessions your very lives will gladly be given in tribute to me.
In return for your obedience you will enjoy my generous protection.
In other words, you will be allowed to live.
So you are a general?
And who is your superior?
- I answer only to the president.
- And he will answer to me.
Or all of his cities will end up like this one.
Thousands of hours to create, and they defaced it in seconds.
Imagine what they'll do to the world if we resist.
The people of your planet are well-pleased with you, Kal-El.
You have served them faithfully, and they are grateful for it.
And yet you have returned to reason with me once again.
My son, I have tried to anticipate your every question.
This was one I'd...
I'd hoped you would not ask.
My attachment the feelings which I have developed for a certain human being have deeply affected me, Father.
You cannot serve humanity by investing your time and emotion in one human being at the expense of the rest.
- The concepts are mutually exclusive.
- And if I no longer wish to serve humanity...
Is this how you repay their gratitude?
By abandoning the weak, the defenseless, the needy for the sake of your selfish pursuits?
Selfish? 
After all I've done for them?
Will there ever come a time when I've served enough?
At least they get a chance for happiness.
I only ask as much, no more.
Yours is a higher happiness.
The fulfillment of your mission, an inspiration you must have felt.
You must have felt that happiness within you.
My son, surely you cannot deny that feeling.
No, I cannot any more than I can deny the other, which is stronger in me, Father.
So much stronger.
Is there no way then, Father?
Must I finally be denied the one thing in life which I truly desire?
If you will not be Kal-El if you will live as one of them love their kind as one of them then it follows that you must become one of them.
This crystal chamber has in it the harnessed rays of the red sun of Krypton.
Once exposed to them all your great powers on Earth will disappear.
Forever.
Once this is done, there's no going back.
You will feel like an ordinary man.
And you can be harmed like an ordinary man.
Think, Kal-El.
I beg you.
Father I love her.
Think, Kal-El.
Come on. 
Come on.
Look out!
You are the one they call president?
I am.
I see you are practiced in worshipping things that fly.
Good.
Rise before Zod.
Now, kneel before Zod.
You are not the president.
No one who leads so many could possibly kneel so quickly.
I am the man they are protecting.
I am the president.
I'll kneel before you if it will save lives.
It will.
Starting with your own.
What a backward planet this must be where the men wear the ribbons and the jewelry.
What I do now I do for the sake of the people of the world.
But there is one man here on Earth who will never kneel before you.
Who is this imbecile? 
Where is he?
I wish I knew.
Oh, God.
Zod.
Hey.
You're awfully quiet over there.
Yeah, I was just thinking I can't believe what you've given up for me.
Are you kidding? 
I didn't do it for you, Lois, I did it for us.
See, I told you there'd be a hot dog place somewhere.
Okay. 
It sure takes longer when you can't fly.
Hurry up.
- Come on.
- Okay.
Come on, it's my treat. 
Come on.
Oh, boy, it's Mr. Wonderful.
Thank you.
- Do you have a men's room?
- Yeah. 
Right in the corner.
- Want to sit down?
- Yeah.
Hi, what would you folks like?
I'd like a cheeseburger with everything on it, and a Coke an order of fries and a side salad, please.
- And for you, sir?
- I'll think about it when I get back.
Right. 
That's one cheeseburger...
- Steak and eggs, over easy, coffee.
- Can I have my Coke?
Coming right up.
- I'm sorry, that seat's taken.
- It is now, sweetheart.
Can I buy you something to eat?
No, thank you.
Excuse me. 
I think you're sitting in my seat.
Your seat's in there, four-eyes.
Gee, I think perhaps somebody ought to teach you some manners, sir.
Yeah? 
Well, let me know when he comes in.
- Look, Clark, we can just...
- Honey.
Excuse me, sir, would you care to step outside?
I said, excuse me, sir, would you care to step outside?
Now, listen, Rocky, your steak's coming right up.
Keep it on the flame, Ron.
This is just a minute steak.
After you.
- Clark.
- It's all right, honey.
Clark!
You all right, fella?
He's gonna be fine, just give me that.
- Clark?
- Blood. 
It's my blood.
I think maybe we ought to hire a bodyguard from now on.
I don't want a bodyguard.
I want the man I fell in love with.
I know that, Lois.
I wish he were here.
Clark.
Boy, you just don't have enough sense to stay down, do you?
You... 
You... 
You are no good.
Settle down!
I don't like your meat anyway.
Oh, God.
Clark? 
Clark?
Clark, can you get up?
- All right. 
Come on. 
I got you.
- Go slow. 
Go slow.
Try and get up in that chair.
- Sit down.
- I'm all right. 
I'm all right.
Okay, everybody, he's all right.
Just relax. 
We'll have some fresh coffee.
I'll turn the box on.
We interrupt this program for an urgent message from the President of the United States.
This is your president.
On behalf of my country, and in the name of the other leaders of the world with whom I have today consulted I hereby abdicate all authority and control over this planet to General Zod.
Zod.
Only by strict compliance with all his directions will the lives of innocent millions be spared.
Superman, can you hear me?
- Superman, where?
- Who is this Superman?
- You'll find out. 
And when you do...
- Come to me, Superman, if you dare.
I defy you.
Come! 
Come and kneel before Zod.
Zod!
- Here? 
When?
- When?
Where the hell have you been, Mac?
On a desert island?
I have to go back.
You can't go back.
- There's no way now.
- I have to.
I've gotta try, damn it. 
I've gotta try something, anything.
It's not your fault.
You didn't know this was gonna happen.
He knew.
I heard him.
I just didn't listen.
You're master of all you survey.
And so I was yesterday.
And the day before.
Hello, there.
Lex Luthor.
Lex Luthor.
You've heard the name?
The greatest criminal mind on Earth.
I told you this was a puny planet.
Wait just a moment.
Wait until you get to know me better. 
Will you, please?
Wait. 
Look, I can give you anything you want.
I can give you the brass ring the unlimited freedom to maim, kill, destroy.
Plus, Lex Luthor's keen mind.
Lex Luthor's savvy.
Lex Luthor's career guidance.
Lex Luthor's School of Better...
We have all of this without you.
You cannot bargain with what you don't have.
Magnificent One what I am bargaining with is what you do not have.
The son of Jor-El.
The son of Jor-El?
I said that, didn't I?
Jor-El, our jailer?
No, Jor-El, the baseball player.
Yes, Jor-El, your jailer.
- The son of Jor-El? 
On this planet?
- Aye.
Possibly you know him better by his nom de voyage or his name he travels under:
Superman.
So this is Superman.
How do you know of Jor-El?
My Fullness, as I explained to you before I'm about the best there is.
Revenge.
We will kill the son of our jailer.
- Revenge.
- Revenge! 
Now we're cooking.
- He flies, then?
- Constantly.
- He has powers as we do?
- Certainly.
But, Magnificent One he's just one where you are three.
- Or four, if you count him twice.
- We will bring him to his knees.
Wait!
First, you must find him.
And Lex Baby is the only one who knows where he is.
What do you want?
Well, general the world is a big place.
Thank goodness my needs are small.
As it turns out, I have this affinity for beachfront property.
What do you want?
Australia.
Hey.
Listen... 
Hey, come on, where are you...? 
Please!
Father?
If you can hear me I failed.
I failed you I failed myself and all humanity.
I've traded my birthright for a life of submission in a world that's now ruled by your enemies.
There's nobody left to help them now the people of the world.
Not since I...
Father!
Listen carefully, my son, for we shall never speak again.
If you hear me now then you have made use of the only means left to you:
The crystal source through which our communications begun.
The circle is now complete.
You have made a dreadful mistake, Kal-El.
You did this of your own free will in spite of all I could say to dissuade you.
I...
Now you have returned to me for one last chance to redeem yourself.
This too finally I have anticipated, my son.
Look at me, Kal-El.
Once before when you were small, I died while giving you a chance for life.
And now, even though it will exhaust the final energy left within me...
Father, no.
Look at me, Kal-El.
The Kryptonian prophecy will be at last fulfilled.
The son becomes the father, the father becomes the son.
Farewell forever, Kal-El.
Remember me, my son.
My son.
Father!
Harold. 
Coffee, black, no sugar.
Black, no sug... 
Yeah. 
Yeah.
Who's paying, huh?
No, no! 
There's three of them.
That cockamamie general and a big truck with hair on it and a broad that looks like the queen of the runway.
They can fly, they can see through things.
Anything Superman can do, they can do.
Where is he, anyway?
Maybe he hasn't heard about it yet, chief.
- Maybe...
- Maybe he's just run out of guts.
- No sugar. 
And don't call me "chief." 
- He'll be here.
- If there's any way at all, he'll be here.
- Yeah, he'll be here.
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
- Hey, Charlie, you feel that?
- Yeah.
Sounds like an earthquake.
Oh, my!
- It's those three.
- Stop!
- Oh, my God, they're here now!
- Oh, no!
This is scary!
You all right, chief?
Hi.
You should see the White House.
They'll be cleaning for months.
Lex Luthor.
Wouldn't you know it?
This is the son of Jor-El?
- No, but I bet you're a son of a...
- Jimmy!
You promised me the son of Jor-El.
Yes, Your Grace.
But what I've given you is the next best thing.
You just hold on to that little lady, and he'll be along.
See, they have this relationship.
She does all his public relations, and he gives her every exclusive.
They're the best of friends.
You know what I mean?
What an undemanding male this Superman must be.
You could use a tuck here and there yourself, sister.
Wait!
- I'm sorry!
- She lives for now.
Kill the rest, starting with him.
Wait. 
Wait, wait, wait!
Wait. 
Wait.
Don't you remember the White House?
The Oval Room? 
We had a few laughs there.
You ought to have that fixed.
General haven't you heard of freedom of the press?
- Superman!
- Superman, thank God.
I mean, get him!
Come to me, son of Jor-El!
Kneel before Zod!
Watch out. 
You all right?
Son of Jor-El.
We were beginning to think you were a coward.
I'm not a coward, Zod.
It is extremely likely you are merely a fool.
Like father, like son.
Look out!
Then die as you deserve to!
Come on, come on, Superman! 
Get him!
Man, this is gonna be good.
Superman.
- Hey, that's the chief's.
- The chief's got it.
What, you hit a woman?
Oh, my God! 
My baby!
Help my baby!
Thank you.
This Superman is nothing of the kind.
- I've discovered his weakness.
- Yes.
He cares.
He actually cares for these Earth people.
- Like pets?
- I suppose so.
I'll draw his fire with some of my own.
What's happening to those cars?
Get out of the way!
Superman.
Oh, thank you!
I never thought this thing would go the distance.
No! 
Don't do it!
The people!
Throw it!
- Get away from there. 
Get away from there.
- Let's help them out!
- I got her. 
I got her. 
Don't worry.
- He's dead.
Superman is dead.
They've killed Superman.
- He's dead.
- Let's go get them!
- Come on, we'll show them!
- I know some judo. 
Let's go!
Come on!
I'm holding it, I'm holding it!
What can you do if you can't see what's happening?
- Hold on!
- Oh, my God!
You can't leave us!
So he is a coward after all.
He's gone.
Come back, Superman!
Don't leave us!
He chickened out.
Phony!
Superman didn't even do nothing.
Come on, let's go.
- There they are.
- Get away from here. 
Jimmy.
Our victory is complete.
The son of Jor-El has fled.
- Superman fled?
- I don't believe you.
You heard him. 
Three against one, you should've taken two ears and a tail.
- He fled in fear of us.
- He'll be back.
As long as he's alive, he's gonna try again.
- The next time, we will kill him.
- The next time?
The next time?
What am I gonna do with you people?
I held up my end.
I delivered you the blue boy.
What do I get from my triple threat?
"Bow, yield, kneel." That kind of stuff closes out a town.
Why do you say this to me when you know I will kill you for it?
Kill me? 
Lex Luthor?
Extinguish the greatest criminal flame of our age?
- Eradicate the only man on earth with...
- Let me kill him!
- Superman's address?
What more do you want?
I can see the greed written on your face.
A small incentive, O Fullest One.
A mere bauble to jog the memory.
What more?
Cuba.
I trust you are not wasting my time, Lex Luthor.
Of course not, Your Turbulence.
Show yourself, coward!
Son of a coward!
I'm here, Zod.
- Let Miss Lane go, step inside. 
We'll talk.
- No, don't, Superman!
Please don't listen to him. 
He's just...
Stop.
Your powers are identical to mine.
But we are three.
We could tear you limb from limb.
Do it, Your Grace.
Just grab a leg and just make a wish.
But you are victim to another fatal weakness your compassion.
The death of others means more to you than your own.
Yes, with rare exceptions.
Your father condemned us to an eternal living death. 
Your fate will be the same.
You will live, Kal-El, forever as my slave. 
If not, then others will pay for your obstinate attitude.
Innocent people, millions if necessary, beginning with this Lois person.
- Don't, Superman, don't!
- Stop it!
All right, Zod.
It's over.
Your Grace, don't believe him!
You don't know him the way that I do.
I sense the presence of Jor-El here.
We will destroy this place.
And then kill him.
Him.
Him? 
Me?
General, this is Lex Luthor.
Remember...?
I helped you through the tough times.
I filled your inside straight.
You came to me with nothing.
I gave you Superman.
Silence!
Well, look...
Guy's a clod.
You think you know people, right?
Promises were made, gifts were exchanged.
I gotta hand it to you, you know.
You always told the truth.
A guy always knew where he stood with you.
Try to get them all into this molecule chamber here.
It takes away their powers, see and turns them into ordinary human beings.
Now, if you could...
- Don't go in there. 
It's a trap.
- Luthor, you poisonous snake!
That's a molecule chamber.
It makes people like you into people like me.
- You've done well, Lex Luthor.
- I thought so.
Seize him.
- Kill her.
- No! 
Superman, no!
All right! 
All right, leave her alone, Zod!
You win.
General, the crystal there activates the mechanism.
Lex Luthor, ruler of Australia activate the machine.
With your permission.
And now, finally...
Kneel.
Take my hand and swear eternal loyalty to Zod.
He switched it.
He did it to them.
The lights were on out here while he was safe in there.
Hey, you know something?
You're a real pain in the neck!
Are you all right?
I knew you'd double-cross me, Luthor.
A lying weasel like you couldn't resist.
Who, me? 
Are you kidding?
Hey, I was with you all the time. 
That was beautiful.
Did you see the way they fell into our trap?
Too late, Luthor. 
Too late.
Look. 
Look, Superman.
I got a proposition for you.
Now, don't stop me till you've heard this because I know I owe you one, but we're in the North Pole, right?
Look, Lois...
No regrets, okay? 
I did it.
I got the man I loved to love me.
- Didn't I?
- Oh, yeah.
Well, okay then. 
Those people need you.
Do you think I don't understand that?
We can still see each other, you know.
I mean, all the time.
But it just can't be...
Just don't forget, that's all.
Don't ever forget.
- Well, here we are.
- Home sweet home.
- See you at work in the morning.
- Bright and early, huh?
- The same old Clark and the same old Lois.
- Yup.
Except... maybe I won't be quite so mean to you from now on.
You don't have to worry.
Your secret's safe with me.
I know. 
I know that, Lois.
Well, there he goes, kid.
Up, up and away.
- No!
- No!
- Hey, is Mr. White free?
- On the telephone.
- He's in conference at the moment.
- Yeah, that's what he says.
All right, give me three carbons of that.
- Hi.
- It's gonna be an insert in the paper.
That's what they said.
Good morning. 
Hi.
Good morning, Lois.
- Good morning, Lois.
- Hi, Clark.
Jeepers, I have seen some faraway looks in my time but with that look, you might as well be on the North Pole.
The North Pole.
No, that's too silly.
Did you ever feel like you knew something that was so important that...
No, you never did.
I mean, I feel like I'm sitting on the single most important story of my career and I can't remember what it is.
Well, knowing you, it must have been about Superman.
Maybe how he saved the city or saved the world or saved the universe.
Clark, Clark. 
Listen.
Jealousy's really counterproductive.
Now, there's some things that you can do too.
Oh, yeah?
Really? 
Like what?
Get us a pizza.
- A pizza. 
Now?
- Yeah, I'm hungry.
Actually, I don't think Mr. White would like it if...
I'll pay for half of it, all right?
I'm going.
Lois?
You know, about the pizza?
It's okay. 
I'll pay for the whole thing.
You know, you're really super.
- Hey, Ron.
- Yeah?
Give me another plate of this garbage.
Garbage? 
That's my number-one special, Rocky.
All right. 
Get me some more coffee too, will you?
Gee, that's funny. 
I've never seen garbage eat garbage before.
Excuse me, sir. 
I think you're sitting in my favorite seat.
Come and get it, four-eyes.
Now cool it, Rocky.
Take it easy, will you?
I just had this joint fixed.
It cost me a fortune.
Oh, God!
This order's to go.
I'm terribly sorry about all the damage, sir.
I've been working out.

You can't just turn five helplessly stranded little girls out into the night.
- Bah, humbug.
- Higgins!
Don't touch it! 
It's a very sensitive alarm!
- There is just no limit to their imaginations.
- There's a girl here to see you.
If she's under 16, I don't wanna know.
Magnum!
- We gave you some really rotten leads.
- If you'd given him a decent lead, he would've have blown it higher than a Chinese firecracker.
- Come on, buddy. 
This is serious.
- I said they ain't here.
But if they do come in, I'll be sure to tell them you had to leave.
Where'd we park the car?
I don't know. 
I'm following you.
Higgins and I do this all the time.
It's sort of a game. 
A game?
My girls are kidnapped.!
They might die.!
- Five little girls are going to die unless I deliver that Gauguin. 
- Who's he?
Ask T.C. Oh, no. 
Don't ask me nothing.
- I can explain this whole misunderstanding. 
- No, you can't.
Aah!
Higgins.!
Higgins.! 
Higgins.!
Higgins.! 
Higgins.!
Higgins.!
What are they doing in the wine cellar?
Obviously, protecting the wine from intruders.
I am not an intruder.
I'm a guest.
Guests eventually leave.
Until I do...
You will settle for the vintages I select.
October?
Higgins, the wine cellar is one of the few places left on the estate, besides the bathroom, that I can go without fear of my life.
An oversight on my part, now rectified by my upgraded level of security.
Upgraded level of security to keep me out of the wine cellar?
Well, there is Mr. Masters's latest acquisition.
What? 
The Christmas tree?
Higgins, that's a Gauguin. 
Yes.
Perhaps there's hope for you after all.
What's it worth? 
Two million.
Dollars or pounds?
Marks. 
Yes, Mr. Masters.
Uh, this is Chan's Laundry.
Is Mr. Magnum there, please?
Mr. Masters's private number is not to be given out to tradesmen.
- Hello?
- Thomas, it's Rick.
If Higgins finds out I got this number, he's gonna freak out.
- I told him I was your laundryman.
- My what?
Never mind. 
Just listen. 
A female called on your line, and she wants to hire you.
Uh, no, no. 
That's heavy starch on the shirts and light on the shorts.
That's really cute. 
Now look.
Be at the state capitol building by 3:00, and she'll approach you.
Now wait...
You starch your undershorts?
Doesn't everybody?
I pride myself on being able to pick out clients, but this time I was stumped.
All I saw were camera-loaded tourists taking dozens of pictures... of the same thing.
Hi.
You with that group over there?
It's really funny. 
They must have taken 50 pictures of that statue.
Fifty pictures... 
Hi.
This is only the second time I've been here.
- Are you girls waiting for someone?
- Thomas Magnum?
- Yeah. 
- Good. 
We were afraid you might not show.
You're the ones who want to hire a private investigator?
Look, if you're worried about getting paid for this gig, it's okay. 
We've taken care of all that.
He'll never be able to do it.
Do what?
- Find her.
- Find who?
- This is a drag. 
- No, wait. 
I just don't know what you're talking about.
We're here from Vermont for the holidays, and we lost our teacher.
You lost your teacher?
I told you he'd never be able to do it.
I hate for the younger ones to know about this.
- They're so impressionable, you know?
- Yeah, right.
Our teacher is a real...
Well, she kind of falls in love easy.
It doesn't take her long to choose from the menu, if you get my drift.
- I get your drift.
- Quit whispering, Nancy.
We all know what you're talking about.
Miss Booton got the hots for some beach bum and split with him for an overnight.
Lesli. 
You're telling me... your teacher who brought you here... went off with some stranger, and left you little kids stranded?
Not really. 
She said she'd be back tomorrow night.
But our headmaster phoned, and he's coming in... tomorrow morning at 9:00 to spend Christmas with us.
We have to find her before he gets here.
Or she'll be in big trouble.
Well, she should be in big trouble!
She shouldn't be punished for her passion.
We'll stay with you till you find Miss Booton.
- Stay with me?
- We checked out of our hotel.
We're paying you with the deposit refund.
Yeah, but I didn't even decide to take the case yet.
Come on, Nancy.
He won't be able to do anything.
You don't even know where your teacher went. 
It could take days.
I'd like to help you guys out, but I don't know...
Well, it is Christmas.
Never! 
This estate is for Robin Masters's guests, not your... clients.
Higgins, it's just for tonight.
I promise...
I'll have them out in the morning, as soon as I find their teacher.
- No.
- Come on, Higgins. 
It's the holidays.
It's a time for giving and sharing.
Right, kids?
You can't just turn five helplessly stranded little girls out into the night.
- Bah, humbug.
- Higgins.
- The wine cellar.
- The wine cellar?
- I don't want you in it. 
- October wasn't my favorite vintage anyway.
- And I want them out of here first thing in the morning. 
- Of course.
All right!
Can I still use the kitchen?
For now.
Thank you very much.
You're quite welcome.
Is Magnum married, Huggins?
It's Higgins.
All I had for clues was the lady's overnight case, a couple of phone numbers the girls had found in her room... and a very rough description of the guy she went off with.
I had a long night ahead of me, but, then, so did Higgins.
As long as you're staying here, there are certain rules and regulations to obey.
First, you will be restricted to the second floor guest quarters.
Unless, of course, you need to use the lavatory facilities.
Those are located at the end of the hall.
Higgins, who painted this?
Gauguin. 
Don't touch it!
There's a very sensitive... alarm!
I'm sorry. 
I just wanted to feel the brushstrokes.
Don't ever touch that painting again, ever.
Don't even go near it.
Zeus, Apollo, what's wrong, lads?
Something's stuck in their mouths.
Darlene probably fed them gumdrops.
That's usually what does it.
Gumdrops?
I told you not to touch that!
It's crooked.
I was just trying to straighten it.
I don't care if it's upside down.
It's not to be touched.
Nothing on this estate is to be touched.
Is that understood? 
Nothing!
Okay, okay.
- Lighten up, will you, Huggins?
- Higgins.
We may have some trouble with that little guy.
Nah, he'll be okay.
We got him so riled up that he'll probably be exhausted.
And that means he'll sleep well.
What have we got?
The only alarm is a sensitivity mechanism in the back of the painting.
The switch is on the right-hand wall, behind the drapes.
What about the dogs? 
Good.
Mother Goose, this is Rubber Duck.
We're in the nest.
There's one alarm.
We've located the switch.
Got it.
I still can't believe the voice on the phone was a kid.
That must have been Melissa.
She's very grown up for her age.
"" St. Helen's Preparatory School for Girls. 
Fall Directory."
These are your clients? 
Yep.
Uh, that's the one right there who gave me all these numbers.
"Nancy Semko, class of 1982."
Hey, Thomas, they've got some pretty heavyweight students enrolled in here.
It says here that Nancy's pop is the head of Bunker Industries.
Yeah, I know. 
I think I'm gonna have to run down this address.
This isn't exactly the high-rent district.
If you go down there, I suggest you bring a gun or an alligator on a leash.
Rick, I am looking for a schoolteacher, not a gorilla. 
Mm-hmm.
I know that, you know that, but they don't know that down there.
So I'll tell them.
Hi, T.C. Wanna go to dinner?
Man, you said ""dinner." You didn't say the ""Last Supper."
We're not gonna eat here.
I'm gonna take you someplace nice.
If we ain't gonna eat here, what the hell we doing here?
I know what it is. 
It's another one of your crazy cases, isn't it?
No, it isn't.
Hey, look, don't forget...
You called me.
I didn't call you.
T.C., it is nothing dangerous, believe me.
Of all the classy restaurants in Honolulu, you drag me down here to a joint like this.
Will you just bear with me?
I am trying to find someone.
Hi there.
I wonder if you can help me.
Beer or whiskey? 
Actually we don't want anything to drink.
Except, maybe, a couple beers.
I'm looking for a short, blonde lady, about 28.
She was with a husky Hawaiian, beachcomber type.
That'll be five dollars.
- For the beer or the information?
- Don't sound too familiar.
Would another beer make it sound more familiar?
Sorry, buddy. 
No one like her has been in here with a guy like that.
Now, wait a minute.
What about this, uh... this address?
That's Mano's place, upstairs.
I don't think you're gonna find a lady in there.
Yeah. 
Well, thanks anyway... for the beer.
Yeah?
Nah, he ain't here tonight.
He's out with Roxanne.
Why? 
What's up?
Oh, yeah?
When did they leave your place?
I think they just came through the door.
This is Saigon Suzie's, man.
No, it isn't.
- Oh, yes, it is.
- Thanks for the tip.
This place doesn't even have a jukebox.
Come on.
Excuse me. 
Excuse me.
I'm trying to find someone.
They ain't here.
I didn't ask you who yet.
I don't care. 
They ain't here.
This is a short, blonde lady with a Hawaiian, kind of a lifeguard type.
- Saigon Suzie's.
- Look, I said they ain't here.
But if they do come in, I'll be sure to tell them you had to leave... abruptly.
Come on, buddy. 
This is serious.
I mean, somebody's life could be in dan... 
Will you stop that?
I am trying to tell this man...
Saigon Suzie's? 
Mm-hmm.
Hey, fellas, we didn't mean any offense.
Come on, buddy. 
Come on...
Where'd we park the car?
I don't know! 
I'm following you!
Oh!
You don't remember where you parked the car, do you?
Of course I remember where I parked the car. 
Mm-hmm.
See?
Come on. 
Let's get this thing going.
They'll never catch us in this.
I can't start the car till I clear the alarm.
Why'd you set the alarm? 
Why'd I set the alarm? 
Look around you.
Hey, Mano, two guys just blew through here. 
They tore this place apart.
I'm pretty sure they're private heat.
They had that look, you know?
He said he was looking for a Hawaiian hanging out with a blonde chick.
Sounds a lot like your new prize.
I told you to be careful with that one.
Find out who they are and what they want.
Done.
What's wrong?
You tell me.
All right.
Would you mind telling me about this lady we almost got killed over?
Her name is Linda Booton, and I have to find her... before the headmaster flies in tomorrow.
- Say what?
- The headmaster from St. Helen's.
Look, I got a call from this client.
Actually, I didn't get the call.
Rick got the call.
He told me to meet this woman at the state capitol building, which is what I did.
Only when I got there, this woman turned out... to be five little girls from Vermont who'd lost their schoolteacher.
That's Linda.
See but, she really wasn't lost.
She just took up with a Hawaiian beach bum for the night.
Anyway, like they said, she shouldn't be punished for her passion, so I took the case.
- Let me out.
- What?
Let me out!
T.C., I think you're overreacting.
I always do when I'm riding around with a lunatic.
Wait. 
T.C.!
You know what? 
You're crazy, boy.
You are stone crazy.
Stone crazy out your mind.
I'm crazy for riding with you.
I don't think it's safe to leave you in this part of town, T.C.
Hey, T.C., come on back.
We'll eat at the Blue Lagoon!
On me!
If T.C. didn't want to eat at the Blue Lagoon, then he was really mad.
Oh, well. 
He probably wouldn't want to follow up my next lead anyway.
Just look at you.
Every time that boy calls, you're the one that winds up with your behind in the fire.
Getting into a damn fight in a room full of Mr. Universes.
Man, you must be out your mind.
I did a little thinking after T.C. left... and decided the clues that the girls had given me weren't really clues, but ways to shorten my life expectancy.
Going back to their hotel was my only hope.
Hi.
"Fruit of Passion. '" I didn't know Robin Masters wrote agronomy novels.
Huh? 
Uh, Miss Linda Booton.
She checked in about three days ago with five little girls.
Yeah?
You remember them?
Not for five lousy bucks.
Well, kind of.
Do you remember Miss Booton's boyfriend?
He's a big, Hawaiian lifeguard type.
He might've picked her up here.
Mmm. 
Yeah, maybe.
How about a license number or a telephone number she might've called, or some messages, something that might lead me to her?
Yeah, I think so.
For another five, I can give you a number that'd take you right to her.
I'd have to write a check.
Room 2409.
She's been in all night.
I could've had that for nothing.
So far, this case had cost me my right to the wine cellar, the last cash in my pocket and nearly my life.
If that clerk was lying to me, I was gonna come back down here... and shove that Robin Masters paperback in his ear.
Who is it? 
Miss Booton?
Who is it? 
Thomas Magnum.
I think I have something of yours.
Come in.
Oh, those little brats!
Boy, they've really outdone themselves this time.
A beachboy.
At Easter in Yellowstone it was a forest ranger.
And at Thanksgiving in New York it was a cab driver.
Where are their parents?
They're spread out all over the world.
Some of them are too isolated to get together with them at holidays.
And the rest of them would just rather pay me to take care of them.
So these little girls just make up these stories about you running off with some man?
Isn't that something?
There is just no limit to their imagination.
If you really were here, aren't you worried about them?
- It's almost midnight.
- That late?
Yes, it is. 
You'd think you'd want to check up on them.
Those kids have been running around loose since this afternoon.
Wait a minute. 
I'm sorry that you got dragged into this, but don't come in here and start telling me how I should take care of them.
They told me that they were spending the day... and having dinner with the governor's daughter.
A limo actually...
picked them up at 2:00.
- Your phone's ringing.
- Hello.
No, this isn't Nancy, but Merry Christmas to you too.
The wrong number.
Well, Nancy, is it a go?
I think so.
How long have you been teaching art?
Three years.
Really? 
You ought to see the Gauguin that Robin Masters just bought.
I think you'd really like it.
Gauguin. 
Sure I would.
Does my driving bother you? 
No.
You seem nervous.
No, you're a great driver.
You drive great.
Well, some people don't like to be taken for a ride.
Anyway, ever since we got the Gauguin, Higgins... he kind of runs the place...
he's really tightened security.
The place is harder to get into than a safe.
I'd certainly hope so.
But you know what Houdini used to say about safes, don't you?
No, not right offhand.
He said they're easier to break out of than into.
Oh, really? 
Houdini said that?
Houdini.
- Hi, guys.
- Miss Booton.
First of all, please don't be mad at the girls.
They were really only trying to help me out.
Second of all, that Gauguin is a fake.
- Remarkable. 
She's even better than you are. 
- No, really, it's a fake.
We weren't trying to steal the Gauguin.
We were trying to return it.
How'd you ever find her?
- We gave you some really rotten leads.
- That's how.
- Higgins!
- If you'd given him a decent lead, he would've blown it higher than a Chinese firecracker.
- I caught the girls. 
- Who wouldn't have been here in the first place... had it not been for your incredible gullibility.
I'm calling the police. 
They can hold you until we find out which is the original.
Oh, no, please, Mr. Higgins.
If you involve the police, you're gonna bring unwarranted publicity... to some very prominent families, including Mr. Masters.
You should be able to tell which is the original.
Assuming that you're telling the truth, what were you doing with the original in the first place?
It all started when my younger sister was accepted at the Sorbonne in Paris.
Oh, please, no soap opera sob stories.
It's not a soap opera.
My parents couldn't afford it.
But she is unbelievably talented, and I'd do anything to see her go.
So I made a deal with someone to get enough money so she could.
And I thought you'd have a flimsy excuse.
- What kind of a deal?
- I authenticate paintings.
Mostly Impressionists.
The art collector that sold the Gauguin to Robin Masters... offered me a lot of money to make a copy of the original, then authenticate the copy and give the original back to him.
It's his most prized painting. 
Really, I think he'd rather die than give it up.
- So you committed a crime.
- No!
- Well, not totally.
- Oh?
You're only a thief if you're not caught, huh?
But I didn't go through with it.
When it came right down to it,
I couldn't give him back the original.
But by then, the fake had been shipped here.
So you're telling me that... this whole story about you and the beach bum... and them with their crazy little imaginations... was just used to get them into the estate?
That was our idea.
Amazing. 
This is the original.
There! 
You see? 
I told you!
Now everything is okay.
No, everything is not okay. 
You and these five urchins are involved...
- in a very serious crime.
- Urchins?
Hey, cool it, Higgins.
I told you the plan was our idea.
- I'm calling the police.
- Why? 
What for?
You've got your painting back.
Why get five little girls into trouble for trying to return something?
I'm reporting you.
If she goes, we go.
At least Huggins let us go.
Why doesn't that make me feel better?
You'd feel okay if Magnum hadn't been such a spoilsport about the whole thing.
But I'm afraid he was right.
We were committing a crime.
Well, it worked, almost.
Almost doesn't count, does it, Miss Booton?
Uh-oh.
What's a four-letter word for "" young girl"?
"" Brat."
"" Brat." Mahalo.
Doesn't fit. 
It does in my book.
It doesn't in my puzzle.
Then what'd you ask me for?
Pardon me. 
I should've known better than to bother you... while you're eating your breakfast in a club that you're not a member of.
I'm sorry. 
I've just been up all night.
I'm tired.
I think they call that an occupational hazard.
No, they don't. 
It's called being suckered by five little girls.
- Yeah?
- There's this girl here to see Magnum.
Is he there? 
There's a girl here to see you.
If she's under 16, I don't wanna know.
Who is it? 
I don't know, but she sounds like a client.
In that case, send her up.
"" Send her up"?
Rick, come on. 
She's a potential client, and you could use the business.
I can use finishing my breakfast in peace.
You can use the bucks. 
Bye.
Wait a minute.
Oh, no!
The girls have been kidnapped.
Wait. 
Let me guess.
The kidnapper wants to exchange... the fake girls for the original...
Stop it!
This is not a joke!
Did you call the police?
No, he said he'd kill them if I did that.
Uh-huh. 
Uh-huh.
We've got to do something fast, or they're gonna die of heat exhaustion.
Of what?
He called a half hour ago.
He said he had them locked up in a place where the temperature... would get to be 130 degrees by noon.
That's only three hours from now!
That's very good. 
Have you ever considered taking up acting?
I am so unlike the person you are seeing right now.
I sound like a complete fruitcake.
I know it.
I have a master's degree from Brown University.
I'm a Phi Beta Kappa. 
But look at me!
Look at me!
I'm being chased by hoods. 
My girls are kidnapped. 
They might die!
Hey, Linda, come on.
I'm a good, honest person.
I've never done anything like this before.
I don't believe this is happening!
Now wait. 
Calm down.
Tell me what happened.
I'm sorry. 
Who kidnapped them?
The art collector I switched the paintings for.
But you canceled that deal.
I told you.
He never would've sold the painting if he'd thought he actually had to give it up.
He was waiting with a gun last night when we got back to the room.
He took the girls, and he said if he didn't get the Gauguin back...
Wait a minute.
Nothing is going to happen to them.
Nothing's gonna happen.
I'll get the fake from Higgins, and we'll give it to the kidnapper.
If it fooled Higgins, it can fool him.
- I threw it away.
- You threw it...
You threw away that beautiful fake?
Madam, please, control yourself.
Control myself? 
How could you throw that painting away? 
Linda...
Boy, you really beat all...
Linda, come here.
Look, Higgins and I do this all the time.
It's sort of a game.
A game? 
My girls may be dying, and you're playing a game?
You're not going to get anything from him this way.
Just trust me.
Higgins, we really do need that fake Gauguin. 
This is an emergency.
Somebody has kidnapped the girls.
He has my wholehearted sympathy.
This isn't funny. 
They're in danger.
just give me the fake.
- I threw it away.
- Oh, come on!
You're just trying to buy time to think up some sort of a deal.
What's it going to be this time?
The car? 
My bed?
- My firstborn male child? 
What?
- I'm buying no such thing.
- I threw that cheap imitation away. 
- Then we're gonna have to take the original.
- That's not amusing, Magnum. 
- Higgins, five little girls are going to die... unless I deliver that Gauguin to the person who's holding them.
I don't care what that's worth in cash, but I can't believe that you think it's worth... those little girls' lives.!
Or do you?
There he is.
There'd better be a kidnapper, Magnum.
There's a kidnapper, Higgins.
- Because if there isn't...
- There is a kidnapper, Higgins.
I'm sweating.
We're all sweating.
But I hate sweating.
Darlene.
I'm scared. 
I have to sing when I'm scared.
Melissa, it's important that we try and conserve our energy.
I wonder how hot it is.
I bet it's over 150 degrees.
- That's hot enough to cook a turkey.
- Carolyn.
Don't think you're going to get away with this outrageous scheme.
It's not an outrageous scheme.
Would you just shut up?
Once this is over, there's going to be a whole new set of rules at the estate.
Higgins...
Can't you drive any faster?
You can no longer come and go as you please. 
Higgins...
No longer be allowed in the main house.
Okay, let's take them down.
You'll no longer use any of the facilities.
No more of your guests will be allowed on the premises.
You cannot use the phone.
I think it's time we switched driving partners.
- What was that?
- It's the volcano.
It's going to explode like Mount St. Helene.
Diamond Head is a dead volcano.
I bet that's what they said about Mount St. Helene.
I'm scared.
Just be quiet, Melissa.
Try to think happy thoughts.
? 
On the first day of Christmas?
? 
My true love gave to me?
? 
A partridge in a pear tree?
- ? 
On the second day of Christmas...?
- Melissa.
? 
On the second day of Christmas...?
Melissa.
I have to go to the bathroom.
?
Five golden rings?
? 
Four calling birds three French hens?
? 
Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree?
Welcome to the party, Thomas.
- Are you in charge here?
- Who's he?
- He's the butler.
- I am not the butler.
I'm head of security on the Robin Masters estate.
Why were you looking for Roxanne?
Roxanne?
I don't know any Roxanne.
- That's me.
- How do you do?
- He wasn't looking for her. 
He was.
- No, I wasn't. 
I was looking for her.
Ask T.C. Oh, no, don't ask me nothin'.
- Oh, you're T.C. 
- T.C., I'm sorry. 
This is Linda.
- Knock off the tea party introductions.
- Hey.
I think I can explain this whole misunderstanding.
- No, you can't.
- Higgins.
See, I was hired by five little girls to find their schoolteacher.
That is Linda.
But they didn't want me to find Linda, so they gave me all these false leads.
One of the false leads was the address to your place.
So, naturally, when T.C. and I... started asking around about a blonde with a Hawaiian beach bum... boy, your friend here just naturally assumed that I was looking for Roxanne.
But I wasn't looking for Roxanne. 
I was looking for Linda, and I found her, even though they really didn't want me to find her.
So, see, it was all just this great, big misunderstanding.
Why were you looking for Roxanne?
- I told you.
- Will you shut up?
I wasn't looking for Roxanne.
I was looking for Linda who looks like Roxanne.
- I do not.
- What do you mean by that?
Shut up, all of you! 
I've been a successful businessman for years.
Suddenly I get a new girlfriend who has private eyes following her around, and I'm no longer successful.
- See, I just explained that. 
Maybe...
- Thomas, please.
- Don't tell that story again.
- First, the listening devices, then money starts disappearing.
- Now some of my clients are changing neighborhoods. 
- All right! 
All right!
- I was working for Roxanne. 
She hired me.
- What?
But not to follow you.
- To follow him.
- What?
Oh, it happens this way every time.
The right-hand man tries to take over.
Think about it.
Who has more access to you than him?
And as for her, you should be thanking her for turning me on to this.
She was just worried about you getting wiped out by your best friend.
- Mano, he's crazy.
- Hear! 
Hear!
You gonna believe this guy?
He's just fast-talking you.
Oh, it's so typical.
They always blame the girlfriend.
Hell, she was just trying to protect you.
I'll bet that he has the combination to your personal safe.
Yeah. 
Hey, Mano, it ain't like it looks.
I mean, maybe I took a little now and then.
Nothing big. 
Honest. 
Honest!
It was just pocket money.!
After all the years we've been together.
Where'd you get all that madness you was talkin' in there?
I made it up. 
Mm-hmm.
You made it up?
It worked, didn't it?
?
Four calling birds three French hens?
? 
Two turtle doves?
?
And a partridge in a pear tree?
- Wait a minute. 
Where are you going?
- To make the drop.
No, you're not. 
He could be waiting in there for you. 
I'll take it.
- No, he is expecting me. 
- That's right.
You're a loose end in his crime.
- What are you saying? 
- Linda, he has five little girls locked away where they could die.
He may want them to die. 
No.
You are going to have to face that possibility.
He could be waiting in there to kill you once he has the painting.
There's no loose ends that way.
I'll take it. 
No. 
No.
- T.C. 
- Magnum!
Magnum, no! 
Come... 
Magnum!
Two million marks.
I can't believe I'm letting him do this.
- Well?
- There's nothing in there.
What?
Except Robin Masters's Gauguin.
The kidnapper is in there.
He has to be!
Believe me, Linda. 
There's nothing in there but the fish.
? 
Three French hens two turtle doves?
?
And a partridge in a pear tree?
Now that the drop had been made, the worst part was the waiting.
As soon as the kidnapper calls with the girls' location,
I'm calling the police.
Higgins, first we make sure the girls are safe, then we get the painting without involving the police.
- What?
- T.C. and I have it all worked out.
- Don't worry. 
- Good. 
Then you can explain your plan to the police.
Higgins, I don't want to have to get into this again with you.
We are not going to let Linda and the girls get in trouble with the police.
Give me that.
Yeah. 
Yeah.
They're in a civil defense tunnel in Diamond Head. 
Come on.
Five-O, I want to report a theft.
This is the chief security officer of Robin Masters's estate.
Unhand me!
This is outrageous!
Outrageous!
Can't you stall them?
It's Rick. 
He trailed the kidnapper to the airport.
Good-bye, Gauguin.
Stay with him the best you can.
Nancy.! 
Melissa.!
Get them out of here.
It's like an oven in here.
I knew you'd save us, Magnum.
Come on.
The girls were fine by the time we got some liquid in them, but we left them with Linda at the emergency center just to be sure.
My instinct was to lock this guy away in that tunnel for a couple of days, but that would only bring the police and involve the girls, so I had another plan.
They just called his plane.
We've got 10 minutes.
If we're gonna get the painting back, we gotta do it now. 
It's Gate 18.
Passengers for Pan Pacific Flight 210... from Honolulu to San Francisco now boarding at Gate 11.
Show me one of these leis.
Uh, yeah... 
No, this is not me.
This is not me.
It's not... 
It's not...
It's not manly enough.
I want a manly...
you know, a macho-looking lei.
Show me another one. 
Show me another one.
just show me another one.
It's not me either. 
It's...
You got a macho lei?
Captain Walt Connors, please pick up the white courtesy telephone.
Captain Walt Connors, please pick up the white courtesy telephone.
What the...
- I'm telling you the truth...
- Pardon me, sir.
I'm gonna have to ask you to go back through again.
- For what? 
Obviously I don't have anything on me. 
- Please stay back, folks.
Please go back through.
I gotta go back through?
Yes.
It's a good thing I got here early. 
I never would've catched my flight. 
I'm sure glad I'm not in a hurry.
Can you empty your pockets?
Again? 
Oh, I got it.
Must be these keys. 
Right.
Okay, step back.
Excuse me, sir. 
Do you know how to load one of these things? 
No.
Yeah, me neither.
Me, I'm a simple guy.
I would've been happy with one of those cameras that James Garner pitches on TV.
It's your turn to go through.
Yeah, right. 
I'm sorry.
Say, would you mind holding this for me?
Put it on the ramp.
Put it on the ramp.
Right. 
I'm sorry. 
Excuse me, okay?
Excuse me.
Transglobal Flight 50 is now arriving at Gate Six.
Transglobal Flight 50 is now arriving at Gate Six.
I'd give anything to see the look on that turkey's face... when he finds out what's really in there.
Merry Christmas, Higgins.
I understand it was a smashing rescue, Mr. Higgins.
I wouldn't know, having been detained against my will.
Well, we didn't get to see much either.
But the best part was when Magnum saved us.
You were wonderful, Magnum.
Well, I wouldn't say that.
But at least I can tell Mr. Masters we have the original back.
You called Robin? 
I have a call into him in St. Tropez.
As soon as he returns it, I shall tell him that his Gauguin is now safe, although it had been stolen by clients of his guest, Thomas Magnum.
We'll see how welcome you are around here then.
Gee, I don't know.
What do you think Robin will say... when you tell him five little girls beat your security system?

# I'm puttin' on my top hat #
#Tyin' on my white tie #
# Brushin' off my tails #
## [Humming]
# I'm #
# Doin' up my shirt front # Ah.
# Puttin' in my shirt studs # Mmm.
## [Humming]
Thank you, Charles of the Ritzies.
## [Humming]
- Hey, twinkletoes?
- Yes?
- Do you take requests?
- I certainly do.
- Can I hear the refrain from Singing?
- [Laughing]
You're just jealous 'cause I got a 24-hour pass, and you don't.
I'm too tired to be jealous.
Your pass to Seoul is my ticket to the Land of Nod.
Pleasant dreams, bunky.
Dreams? 
Did I say dreams?
# Dream, when you're feeling blue #
# Dream, that's the thing to do #
# But I get a kick out of you ##
I figured you were leaving.
I got wind of your "eau de cologney" clear over to post-op.
Thank you.
It's the sweet smell of excess.
Begging your pardon, sir... and madam.
- Call of the mail.
- Oh, a note from the Dad Letter Office.
- Got me a missive from the missus.
- [Laughs]
Ah! 
Look at this!
A picture of Dad and my little cousin Martin at the annual sugaring-off dinner.
- What's a sugaring-off dinner?
- Oh, you urban prisoner, you.
It is the social event of the entire maple syrup season.
All the saps come out of the woodwork.
Better saddle up, vaquero.
You do need some time off.
Thanks for lending me the car, Dad.
Don't worry.
I won't scratch the rust.
- Hot mustard!
- Good news, Colonel?
- Hot mustard!
- Good news, Colonel?
I'll say. 
Mildred and her partner took first prize... in the big Hannibal, Missouri bridge tournament.
- Ah, you must be very proud.
- As in peacock, Padre.
She even enclosed a diagram of the winning hand.
I take it that the winning hand had a gun in it.
- How's that?
- Forgive me, sir.
Being a past master myself, I've always had... a particular reverence for the game of bridge.
It always depresses me to see people attempt it... who are better suited to canasta or panguini.
Are you making cracks about my better half?
Not at all, sir.
I'm sure she richly deserves... the accolades of her peers at the Missouri Blue Hair Invitational.
Now get this, boy.
Me and Mildred were playin' bridge... when you were still making gum marks on your silver spoon.
We're the best mixed-doubles bridge team in the entire Show-Me State.
That is roughly the equivalent of being the finest hockey player in all of Ecuador.
Think you're pretty smart, don't you?
Would you care to put your money where your foot is?
What say we have a little showdown of our own?
- Sir, are you challenging me?
- You bet your blue blood.
I'd slap you across the kisser if I had a glove.
- Preferably one of Primo Carnera's.
- I must warn you, sir.
It is I who shall stand victorious o'er your fallen carcass.
My sister Honoria and I were four times champions... of the Beacon Hill Bridge Society.
Well, well. 
I think we have the makings of a classic brouhaha.
Do I hear the sound of a grudge match... bridge hands with brass knuckles on them?
Yes! 
Colonel Potter's just thrown down the gauntlet.
- I intend to see that he picks it up.
- You're on, sonny.
Wonderful. 
I'll go set up a table in the Officers Club.
Whoa, Padre.
We're gonna need partners.
This is your lucky day, sir.
I'm ready, willing and available.
Forget it, Klinger. 
This tournament is open to mammals only.
We'll keep you in mind if ever we have a tournament of Crazy Section Eights.
I don't play myself, but what about B. J.?
He's got to be a bridge player.
He lives in the suburbs.
Hunnicutt? 
A Californian? 
The only bridge he knows is the Golden Gate.
Wait a minute!
Major Houlihan is an excellent player.
- A shark is more like it.
- Fascinating as this is...
I think I will retire to the Swamp and enjoy the view of Pierce's empty bunk.
- What about partners?
- Sir, with all due respect...
I will have you weeping into your bridge mix... even if I wind up partnered with your horse.
Hold it a second.
Is a horse a mammal?
# Come away with me, Lucille #
# In my merry Oldsmobile #
# Down the road of life we'll fly, automobub... #
[Gunshots]
[Engine Cranking]
Come on, baby. 
I'm sittin' here with my brass exposed.
[Engine Cranking Continues]
Oh, hi. 
Sorry if I took your parking space.
I'll be out of here in a jiffy.
[Engine Cranking Continues]
Look, I'm not armed. 
See?
No guns, no bombs, no errors.
Why don't you take the jeep?
It's dead. 
Maybe it'll fill your quota.
- [Korean] 
- What?
Wh... 
Y-You want the suitcase?
No, you don't want it.
Okay, fine. 
It's all right.
What?
What... 
You want...
You want the medical bag?
You got it. 
There.
Wear it in good health.
Yeah, okay. 
Okay.
- All right. 
I'll...
- [Korean Continues]
Look, I realize I'm dressed to kill, but don't take it literally.
You want me and the medical bag, is that it?
Okay. 
You got it. 
Sure.
Okay. 
Fine. 
Good. 
Okay.
[Korean Continues]
If we're going in there, I think I should warn you, I'm not a tree surgeon.
- Why, Charles.
- Ah, top of the afternoon, Margaret.
I dropped by because I have a little surprise that you might find amusing.
It seems that our own Colonel Potter fancies himself quite a bridge player.
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
And as you are perhaps aware, I am of championship caliber at the game.
I wasn't aware.
But I'm certainly not surprised.
Oh, thank you.
Well, the upshot of all this... is that after a few well-chosen lunchtime japes...
I find myself challenged to a bridge tournament by the old boy.
- And?
- And I am offering you the chance... of sharing the joy of taking that bumpkin to the cleaners.
You're too late, Winchester.
The bumpkin beat you to her.
[Chuckling] Hi.
Colonel, what a coincidence.
We were just talking about you.
I heard every word.
The old boy ain't deef, you know.
Good. 
Then you will be able to hear clearly...
Margaret say that she would prefer to play with me.
Where I'm from, it's first come, first served.
And I'm here and you're there.
- Need I elaborate?
- Hold it, both of you.
As much as a woman might enjoy... having two distinguished gentlemen fight over her...
Margaret, I have no intention of fighting for you.
The advantages of pairing with me are obvious... a brilliant partner, stimulating play, the only hope of victory... and a dozen pair of silk stockings and $50 cash after we win.
- That's bribery!
- No, that is the American way.
- Survival of the richest.
- Relax, both of you.
Charles, I have already agreed to play with Colonel Potter.
After all, he is the ranking player here.
Aha. 
In other words, he ordered you.
Confucius say, "A bird on the collar beats your 50 dollar."
- Go away.
- But, Beej, old bean... do you have any idea what a beautiful day it is out there?
The sky is blue.
The birds are singing.
Why would anyone want to waste their time sleeping... when they can be in the Officers Club playing bridge?
Have you heard about people who walk in their sleep? 
I punch in my sleep.
Ah, I like that. 
Good. 
Feisty, combative...
two prime requisites for a bridge player.
You mention cards one more time, I'm gonna deck you.
Hunnicutt, please, do me this one small favor... and I will be eternally in your debt.
Really?
Can I play my Frankie Laine records on your phonograph?
Even "Mule Train."
Can I trim my mustache with your silver scissors?
Yes. 
Yes, even your toenails.
Are we a team?
Nah, I don't want that stuff.
Then damn it, man, what do you want?
Well, well, well.
We are desperate, aren't we?
That sort of puts me in the driver's bunk.
Well, Charles, I'll partner with you on one condition.
Yes. 
What? 
Anything. 
Say it.
That you personally guarantee me 12 uninterrupted hours of blissful slumber.
- Is that all?
- Ah.!
But I said, "absolutely uninterrupted."
- Mm-hmm.
- Anybody wants me for anything, you go in my place.
- Agreed. 
Agreed.
- And...
Somehow I knew there would be an "and."
Well, I'm sure you'd agree, no good night's sleep is complete... without a good morning breakfast, served to me right here by guess who?
Don't press your luck, Hunnicutt.
I am a flawless player.
I can win with anyone.
- Good luck to you and anyone.
- [Scoffs]
Will that be bacon or sausage?
Why do I get the feeling we're looking for a nice out-of-the-way spot...
- just to get me out of the way?
- [Grunts]
- I take it he's with you.
- [Korean Continues]
Look, I want to save your friend, but just in case I can't... does that mean you'll pay me in hot lead instead of cold cash?
You don't have to answer right away.
Think it over. 
Take your time.
Let me know in 10 or 20 years.
Call me at home, collect.
I'm in the book.
All right. 
Look, I'm... 
I'm just gonna lift back his blanket, okay?
- [Korean Continues] 
- Yeah. [Muttering]
Don't let my trembling hands get you upset.
[Gasping]
He's got a lot of shrapnel in his chest.
Oh, boy. 
Those head wounds are serious.
We gotta move him.
- [Korean Continues] 
- Look, look, look... 
l-l-I work in a hospital. 
See?
I work in a hospital just, like, a hand grenade's throw from here.
Look, no... nobody will hurt you.
You'll be fine.
If we can get back to my jeep and we go very fast... down that road to the hospital, we can help him in no time.
Take no time at all. 
Come on.
- [Clicking] 
- All right! 
Okay! 
All right, all right!
I'm not gonna move him, okay?
I'm not gonna move him. 
No...
No... 
No moving.
Look, I want to save him as much as you do.
No point in everybody dying.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, well, I think I get the picture, even without subtitles.
As long as he stays alive, I stay alive.
[Klinger] Okay, fans, top of the second rubber and what a rout.!
The Potter-Houlihan duo is murdering Winchester-Hunnicutt.
New odds are eight-to-five.
Place your bets, folks.
- Klinger!
- No talking from the dummy.
- Sorry, sir.
- Not you. 
Him.
- Aha!
- Damn.
Your inept play has cost us every trick.
So I miscounted trump.
Big deal.
Now, Major, we have to be patient with the less-experienced players.
What are you worried about, Major?
B. J.'s got a straight flush.
Klinger, you idiot!
You're giving away his hand.
How can I? 
I don't know nothin' about this game.
- There's an awful lot of that going round.
- I'd love a scotch.
- Lx-nay on the ootch-hay, pard.
- But I'm thirsty.
Now, Margaret, you know how you get after a couple of belts.
In no time, you'll be buckin' and winging' in the rafters.
- [Mutters] 
- Signaling is verboten!
Signaling! 
I wasn't signaling.
I wasn't. 
Ask anyone in the club.
That does it, Winchester!
Outside until this hand is over.
- [Card Slaps Down] 
- Now it's over.
Whoopee! 
Ha!
- I won!
- Yes, we did.
- This is beyond belief!
- Shut up, Charles.
Well, ain't that a fine howdeedoo.
The regular army rube whupped the Beacon Hill big shot.
Colonel, you seem to keep forgetting that it was my defense that beat them.
- Relax, Charlie. 
We'll get 'em next time.
- We?
"Wee" merely describes the size of your brain.
This is hopeless.
I'm outnumbered three-to-one!
Cease firing on the alibi barrage.
I would've stomped you even if your partner was old Charlie Goren himself.
Oh, is that so?
There's more shrapnel in his head.
Probably a subdural hematoma.
Hematom... 
What am I doing talking Greek to a Korean?
Look... 
Look, one pupil is dilated.
He's bleeding into his brain.
I haven't got the equipment here to help him.
I've gotta get him to a hospital.
He's liable to die if we don't move him.
You understand me about as well as he does.
- [Grunts] 
- Oh, good.
You operate, and I'll hold the gun for awhile.
[Korean Continues]
Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.
But the chest isn't even half the problem.
Yeah. 
Right.
Fine. 
Okay. 
Sure.
Yeah. 
N-Nice-looking family.
As long as we're trading snapshots.
May I?
I'll see his family and raise you a father, who raised me.
So, uh, we've both got something to live for, you know?
[Klinger] New bets for old. 
New bets for old.
It's now a whole new bridge game.
Winchester-Houlihan versus Potter-Hunnicutt.
You can't tell the players without a scorecard.
And these players, you can't tell anything.
Margaret, let me get you that scotch now.
It might help to relieve the pressure.
- You know how tightly wound you are.
- Thank you, Colonel... for that transparent attempt to get the major soused.
- We'll pass until the victory celebration.
- Don't forget, Charles.
Even though I'm not your partner anymore, you still owe me breakfast in bed.
Dream on, Captain Hornblower.
After the way you butchered that last game?
- Forget it.
- Breakfast in bed for your partner?
Charles, what a wonderful idea.
I'll have scrambled eggs and toast.
If anyone's getting breakfast in the boudoir...
I say it ought to be the winners, served up by the losers.
Aha-ha-ha. 
Then lay out your finest busboy ensemble, Colonel.
[Chuckles] I start the bidding with one heart.
- Two clubs.
- My goodness, it's quiet in here.
- Are you sure they're still alive?
- [Gasps]
- Pervert!
- [Potter] What in the Sam Hill?
He's playing footsie with me under the table!
Charles, how gauche.
Don't flatter yourself, Margaret.
He was trying to give you bidding signals.
The only thing worse than a pervert is a cheat!
I was innocently stretching my leg.
I've been sitting here for over an hour.
How'd you like to be kneeling for a week over a dirty latrine?
I cannot play with this woman!
She is a dolt and a prude.
Well, I'm stuck with Hunnicutt's foul-ups... but you don't see me sobbing' in my suds.
That's it. 
I'm not givin' up any more sleep for this nightmare.
I've had it with Major Touchy-Feely!
Wait, wait. 
You must realize that all great competitors... like great tennis rackets, are tightly strung.
Surely we can find someway around these trivial personality conflicts.
I have this wonderful fantasy of the three of us driving back to camp... where I can operate properly on those head wounds.
My alternate fantasy's not so bad either.
We drive back to your camp... and I spend the rest of the war waiting for Red Cross packages... admiring your gentlemanly observance of the Geneva convention.
- [Gasping] - [Korean Continues]
He can't breathe.
His airway's blocked.
Come here. 
Come here. 
I need your help.
I gotta... 
I gotta open up his windpipe.
- [Gasping Continues] 
- Damn it. 
Come here.
I need you to hold him down... so I can make an opening in his windpipe.
Will you get down here? 
I need you to hold him down so I can open up his throat!
Do you hear what I'm saying?
Damn it, now! 
Get down here!
Hold him down.
Don't worry about your gun.
There'll be plenty of time later to kill me.
[Klinger] Who'd have thunk it?
Houlihan-Hunnicutt beating the daylights out of Potter-Winchester.
It's a topsy-turvy world we live in, folks.
- Go, Margaret! 
[Laughing] - [Laughing]
- Watch my dust.
- What a massacre.
The Davids are about to slay the Goliaths.
This is your fault, Winchester.
You wouldn't support my hearts.
- You wouldn't support my diamonds.
- I'd like to trump your face.
- That does it. 
Small slam. 
We win the rubber.
- [Crowd Groaning]
- Beaver biscuits!
- Let's celebrate.
All of that winning made me thirsty.
Colonel, I can state quite categorically that you are the Doodles Weaver of bridge.
- Thank you. 
I like him.
- Of course you do.
Klinger, I believe there's the small matter of the wagers to be settled.
Are you kidding? 
Everybody bet on either Potter or Winchester.
Who knew these two would turn out to be the winners?
Klinger, if you'll recheck your receipts...
I think you'll find someone did bet on Houlihan and Hunnicutt.
Hey, you're right. 
Twenty bucks on Houlihan and Hunnicutt bet by...
Father Francis Mulcahy.
Hey, Father, how come you knew Margaret and I would win?
- My money was on her and Charles.
- Oh, ye of little faith.
I knew if those two ever teamed up, their giant egos would cancel each other out.
Besides, any horse player will tell you... when the money is split between the favorites, bet on the long shot.
You're doing great, pal.
Just hang in there.
Okay, now for the hard part.
Come here.
Give me your hand.
Give me your hand. 
Put it down here.
You gotta pull the skin back, keep the trachea open.
I'm gonna get something in there so he can breathe through it.
Please let me have a pen.
A pen!
Let's just hope it's mightier than the sword.
[Blows]
Pull it back. 
Pull it back. 
I gotta get this in so he can breathe through it.
Now, if I could just get in that opening.
Okay.
Wait a minute.
He's not breathing.
God!
[Exhaling Forcefully]
Come on, breathe!
[Exhaling Forcefully Continues]
Come on! 
Come on!
Come on. 
Come on.
[Grunting]
Come on!
Come on. 
Give me a pulse!
I'm sorry. 
I tried.
I haven't the equipment.
[Korean]
If you had led clubs after I bid them, we wouldn't be here now as dumbwaiters.
Buzz off, slim.
And I did lead clubs.
You led spades.
Clubs look like little clover things.
The spades look like little shovels.
I'm gonna take a large shovel and knock you to Guam.
What a shame to have wasted all these years as a doctor... when I could have been doing this for a living.
Hunnicutt?
Huh... 
Well, hello.
Well, well.
The chef has prepared your breakfast as per your request.
The eggs are crisp and brown, and the bacon is yellow and runny.
May you gag on every bite.
Why should this breakfast be any different?
[Muttering]
Good heavens.
What time did he drag himself in?
How would I know?
I was asleep.
From the looks of him, he had one wild R  R.
[Scoffs] And he calls himself a doctor.

ï always worry that maybe people aren't gonna like me when I go to a party.
Isn't that crazy?
Do you ever get kind of a sick feeling in your stomach when you dread things?
I wouldn't wanna miss a party, but every time I go to one... 
... Ikeepfeelinglike the whole world's against me.
See, I've spent my whole life in military academies.
My mother doesn't have a place for me where she lives... 
... andshedoesn'tknow what else to do with me.
You mustn't misunderstand about my mother. 
She's really a lovely person.
I guess every boy thinks his mother is beautiful, but my mother really is.
She tells me in every letter how sorry she is that we're not together more... 
... butshehastothinkofher work.
One time we were together, though.
She met me in San Francisco once... 
... andweweretogetherfortwowhole days, just like we were sweethearts.
It was the most wonderful time I ever had.
Then I had to go back to the military academy.
Every time I walk into that barracks, I get a kind of... . 
A kind of a... . 
I'm sorry.
Kind of a depressed feeling.
It's got hard, stone walls.
You know what I mean?
I guess I've bored you enough, telling you about myself.
Thank you.
Sorry about that. 
I goofed up the last couple of lines. 
I guess I'm nervous.
That's okay. 
You did very well.
I'm sorry.
Thank you. 
You play very well.
Now Mrs. Tossoff's gonna play notes for you. 
Sing them back to us. 
Like so:
-It's too low for me.
-You're a tenor? 
You want to start here?
Louder, please.
I'm so nervous.
-I'm not singing.
-But you have to.
-But I came to dance.
-You have to sing too.
-And act, and play an instrument.
-All three?
-It says "performing arts," doesn't it?
-You don't have to do everything.
-Sure as shit helps, baby.
-Thank you. 
Next group, please. 
Hurry.
-Oh, I like your nose ring.
-I'm into culture.
-Does that hurt, or is that ethnic?
-Music, please, Mrs. Snell.
Please pay attention.
We have a lot to do today.
-I hate my legs.
-Yeah. 
Me too.
-I've tried every diet in the whole world.
-Really? 
Me too.
But you can't help your glands.
I'm sorry! 
I'm just so nervous.
Relax! 
Come on, use your body.
-Careful. 
That's 7000 worth of machine.
-Dollars or pounds?
Don't touch the rotary pods.
I got it set on saw-tooth.
Why can't he play piccolo? 
Something sensible. 
Or the accordion, like Papa did.
Same reason you drive a checker and not a Roman chariot. 
It's progress.
My son's head is into the future.
And Papa could never play the accordion.
-Do you think you're talented?
-You swine! 
You coward! 
You cad!
You dare judge me in my misfortitude?
You dare to ask me the question who is the father of my child?
-You! 
You! 
I point to you, Nigel!
-Next, please.
The next group of musicians can go to the fifth floor now, please.
-Name?
-Excuse me, miss.
You don't need his name. 
He's not here for the audition. 
He's my partner.
-What school's he from?
-He ain't into school.
He's just helping me out with my dancing. 
But it's me who's auditioning.
Mulholland, Shirley. 
I'm all fixed up.
I filled in all your papers and all.
He doesn't go upstairs without filling in his name.
Leroy's his name, but I'm auditioning.
Shirley Mulholland. 
That's two L's.
-And don't ask him to do no writing.
-Doesn't he talk, even?
He ain't into conversation until you get to know him.
-Leroy what?
-Leroy Johnson. 
Can we go up now?
He's not going up until he checks his knife.
We ain't staying long enough for no trouble. 
He's just helping a friend.
He's not helping out anyone unless he checks his knife.
This is the High School for Performing Arts. 
We don't cut each other up here.
-You want it?
-I want it.
-You sure you want it?
-Yeah, I'm sure.
-Promise you won't steal it, now?
-I promise.
-Thanks, ma'am.
-Name?
Don't worry, baby. 
I got lots of knives.
-What are you going to do for us?
-I was gonna sing.
-You don't have to sing, honey.
-We know our rights.
-You can't refuse her an audition.
-She's not supposed to sing her audition.
Please, excuse me, if you don't mind.
Honey, you don't have to sing for us... 
-... becausethisis thedramadepartment.
-When she sings, it is drama.
-What's your name, honey?
-Finsecker.
Doris Finsecker.
-Hi.
-How do you do?
-What's your name?
-Ralph Garci.
-Who was your teacher?
-Well, my father taught me.
He's doing work for the government.
I'm not supposed to talk about it... 
... butmyfatherplayedsome ofthe most beautiful symphonies... 
-... inthewholeworldonce .
-What did he play?
Trombones.
And French horns.
English horns.
-Saxophones.
-Anything else?
Yeah.
-Bongos, maracas, that sort of stuff.
-What did he teach you?
Why don't you try the dance department.
-Why do you want to go to school here?
-Should I tell him?
Yeah, tell him.
We can't afford a professional children's school.
Okay. 
If you want to sing, go ahead.
Then we'll look at your acting.
I'm a little nervous.
Don't be shy, Sheila. 
Come over here.
What are you going to do?
-I'm doing The Towering Inferno.
-What?
-You know, the movie?
-Oh.
All right, I'm playing O.J. Simpson.
I'm in this building.
There's fire all around, right?
So I go to the elevator.
Think of it as a concentration exercise.
Just sing to Michael... 
-... anddon'tworryaboutanybodyelse. 
-I don't think I can. 
I can't just stare.
He won't mind.
-Waiting for the elevator.
-Press the button, Doris.
Her brother Harvey.
Doesn't come, so now I'm getting mad.
Finally it comes, so I get in.
Okay, and there's people all around.
And they're looking right at me.
Yeah, my father taught me. 
I'm not supposed to talk about him right now.
He's doing a little bit of work for the government, but... . 
My father is very, very famous.
He danced with the Rockettes.
Sure. 
Would you begin, please?
-I'll be doing "Swanee River" for you.
-Okay.
And... . 
Hon? "Swanee River," please.
Hit it.
Doris, what would you do if you don't make it?
We'll make it.
Next, please.
But I that am not shaped for sportive tricks... 
... normadeto court an amorous looking glass... 
... Ithatam-
-Cheatedof--  Oh, I'm sorry.
Why don't you try the drama department.
If again "it was not well cut," he'd answer, I spake not true:
This is called the Reply Churlish.
Nobody talks about it, but there's a quota system.
Your chances are better if you're black, Puerto Rican or everything, like me.
-I am Puerto Rican.
-Not on your paper you ain't, Garci.
-Your daddy doing government work.
-That's the truth.
And he left you his tap shoes, right?
Does he work for Pepsi-Cola too?
Be careful.
-To the left. 
Left.
-Come the other way.
All right.
Easy, now. 
Straight back, Bruno?
-Where do you want this at?
-Far corner.
How do you do?
Okay. 
Fine.
Great. 
Look, I'll do that. 
You just go and get the rest of the stuff, okay?
Oh, Martelli. 
Bruno Martelli.
Would you like to set up your equipment, Mr. Martelli?
Who taught you?
Who taught me? 
My father taught me.
He's in Spain. 
He makes Westerns.
-Why do you want to go to school here?
-Because Freddie went here.
-Freddie?
-Freddie Prinze. 
He's the best.
-So you want to be an actor, huh?
-Yeah, sure, I want to be an actor.
Judy, Judy, Judy.
Top of the world, Ma.
We don't want you to perform. 
We want to see who you are. 
You understand?
-Right.
-Use your own experience.
Be simple, be honest, but most of all, be yourself.
-Be honest. 
Be simple. 
Be yourself?
-Be yourself.
I'm God, see? 
And God is Puerto Rican, you got that? 
Now.
God works in a casa de steam, you know. 
It's a steam bath, right?
And he's talking to this angel. 
This angel is a computer. 
An electronic computer.
I'm God, see? 
That's why I'm standing on this chair, you got that? 
Good.
Does he wanna be a musician or an airline pilot?
Mr. Martelli. 
We are ready when you are.
Would you care to begin?
Oh, okay. 
Sure.
Mr. Martelli.
Mr. Martelli.
Mr. Martelli!
Thank you. 
One instrument at a time will be quite sufficient.
I could do it in 4/4 if you prefer a disco beat.
She's a disaster.
Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name.
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love... 
... andthenI'llnolongerbeaCapu- -  Capu-
- Capu-something.
-Capulet.
-Like Cappelletti, the football player?
-Something like that.
-That's what I mean.
-Where's his application?
-He doesn't have one.
Well, get him one.
-What do you call that?
-Wicked.
Thou art thyself.
Thou art not a Montagoo-- Montagazz-
- Who knows?
This is the last day of auditions. 
We've seen a lot of students. 
We're punchy.
We're gonna take a break. 
Go next door to Mrs. Shime. 
Have her audition you.
-Right next door.
-I tell her that you sent me?
-Yeah.
-All right.
By the way... 
-... youwerereadingthe girl'spart .
-Shit.
-You're not into high school, remember?
-I'm into dancing.
You're into ass, you mean. 
You don't have to go to high school for that.
-I was doing you a favor, remember?
-Some fat fucking favor.
Take your things to the third floor.
Give your forms to the senior there.
Okay, you go downstairs, change in the girls' room and wait for him.
I'm through?
I don't have to dance anymore?
Where you going, Leroy?
He's in and I'm out, right?
Fuck you, Leroy! 
This was my audition, remember? 
You're not into high school.
We were rehearsing to get me into this school, not you, you fucker! 
It's not fair!
I didn't want to come here anyway.
This school sucks.
You've done me a favor, shithead.
You saved me four fucking years from this ass-licking school!
You looking at one happy lady!
Who wants to go to a fucking school to learn to dance, anyway?
Yeah, hello?
No, it isn't. 
This is Naomi Finsecker speaking. 
Her mother. 
Who is this?
Replacement?
What do you mean, replacement?
So is she in or is she out?
I got in! 
I got in!
I got into Performing Arts!
Doris, we're in!
Get her out of there!
-Hey, later on.
-All right. 
All right!
See y'all later.
-Hello.
-Hey, mama, get in the car!
Come on, baby, come on.
Don't go to school.
-Martelli, Bruno.
-Bruno. 
Come on.
Garcia, Raul.
-Garcia, Raul?
-It's Ralph.
-It says Raul.
-I don't relate to that.
-Garcia, Ralph.
-It's Garci.
Ralph Garci. 
I think they spelled it wrong on the application.
-Garci, Ralph.
-Here.
-MacNeil, Montgomery.
-Here.
-Monroe, Lisa.
-Yes?
Johnson, Leroy.
Johnson, Leroy?
In future, Mr. Johnson, I'd like you to leave your ghetto blaster at home.
I'd have left it home if it wasn't so goddamn boring in here.
This is a classroom, Mr. Johnson. 
You're going to be here for four years... 
... withyoureyesopen, homework done, pencils sharpened... 
... andallfood,cigarettesandradios outside. 
Do you understand me?
-Why are you here, Mr. Johnson?
-Because I's young and single... 
-... andI lovesto mingle.
-Speak English.
-I speak like I likes.
-This is my room. 
You'll speak as I like.
I teach English. 
Now, if that's a foreign language, you're gonna learn it.
This is no Mickey Mouse school. 
You won't get off easy because of talent.
-I don't care how well you dance... 
-Bitch run her fucking mouth.
... orhowmanycoloredtutusyouhave.
If you don't give academic subjects... 
-... equaltime,you'reout .
-Bullshit.
You have to arrive earlier to get dressed and warmed up.
You have to take outside classes in your major field... 
... andstudyballet,modern,folk , jazz, tap and historical dance here... 
... aswellas dancehistory, supported adagio... 
... variationclass,makeup,hairstyling and even acting for dancers.
50,000 people call themselves actors, and maybe 500 are making a living at it.
Most of those do commercials to pay the rent. 
The rest wait tables... 
... cleanotherpeople'sapartments, living on welfare and hope.
Don't think talent's enough to get you through.
You gotta have a strong technique, a good agent, and most of all, thick skin.
Now you're part of an underprivileged minority, and you're going to suffer.
Pulled tendons, shin splints, swollen toes, smelly tights... . 
Cattle calls, the humiliation, the rejection... . 
Melodic dictation theory, keyboard harmony, piano, piano literature... 
... musichistory,orchestration, conducting, symphonic band... . 
-When do we have lunch?
-Lunch is at 1 1 :30. 
One half-hour... 
-... andthenyou'llhaveeverythingelse. 
-What's everything else?
Biology, chemistry, algebra, English, French, physics, history, et cetera.
Dance is not a way of getting through school.
It's a way of life, plus school.
The school part is easier.
So you better like yourself a lot.
Because that's all you got to work with.
Use yourself.
Your voice, your experiences.
Wanna accumulate some experiences?
I got plenty of experiences to spare.
You know what?
I live with two chicks.
Dance is the hardest department in the school.
Acting is the hardest profession in the world.
Music is the hardest profession of them all. 
Isn't that right, Mrs. Tossoff?
Indeed.
Okay.
No fighting. 
Stay in line, please.
Who's next?
Excuse me.
-I'll be doing my scene Thursday... . 
-I'll be right back.
Get out of my seat!
-Hi.
-Hi. 
That's too wild for me.
-I'm in your acting class.
-I know.
Montgomery MacNeil.
-Doris Finsecker.
-Hi. 
Wanna sit down?
All right. 
Is your mother really Marsha MacNeil, the actress?
-That's right.
-She does wonderful work.
-Have you seen her?
-But I've heard.
-I didn't know she lived in New York.
-She doesn't. 
Officially, she does... 
... butshe'sbeenontheroadforever.
She gets paid to stay in hotels... 
... butshestayswithfriends.
Sends her per diems home to me and Dr. Golden.
-Is that your stepfather?
-My analyst.
What's wrong with you?
It's pretty technical, really.
I have problems.
-What kind of problems?
-With women.
Fine. 
Swaying with a nice humming sound, please. 
And:
Let the arms go.
Good, good, good.
And chew.
Faster.
Speed.
Tongues out.
Down.
Side. 
Side.
And round, round.
Come on.
More energy!
Do it together, please.
Keep moving.
Much better.
Much, much better now.
Reach for the jeté!
And:
Impulse to impulse.
Relax.
Relax.
Sense the floor against your bodies.
Feel it against the backs of your legs.
Your arms.
Your shoulders.
Let your senses remember... 
... thisfeelingof heaviness.
Relax and breathe.
Relax and breathe.
All right, let's go. 
Thank you.
Don't be late. 
Come on. 
Don't be late.
-Should you be on this floor?
-I have a note.
-Miss Berg wants a tambourine.
-Fine.
Excuse me? 
Excuse me?
You speak English?
-Bruno Martelli?
-He's across the hall.
Thanks.
-Hi.
-Hi.
-What kind of music notes are those?
-Laser beams.
-It's a requiem for Buck Rogers.
-Great.
-You ever thought of doing real music?
-This is my music.
-I mean a band.
-I don't like bands. 
They crowd me.
-I prefer my basement, no people.
-There's money though, in summer trade.
-If we get together in time.
-I'm really not interested.
There's tea dances and parties, weddings and bar mitzvahs.
Those things are steady. 
People always get married and grow up.
-I don't need the hassle.
-I'll take care of everything... 
... justlikearegularbusinessmanager.
I'll look after the bookings, travel, costume designs, for 1 0% off the top.
Then a straight split of the performing cut.
-What costume designs?
-Nothing fancy, just sequins and stuff.
See-through for me, maybe low-cut.
We gotta give them visuals.
The sound might be wicked, but when you get down to it, tits book bands.
-I think I'll stay in my basement.
-Bruno, this is our chance.
-Don't you want success?
-Sure. 
I don't think our tits are up to it.
Why?
Oh, why?
God will punish you, Yuri Yajeyopeyonoff.
What crime is this unborn child guilty of... 
... thatitshouldnot drinkof the milk of paradise?
You warned me, Elena.
Not one ruble have I lost, not one.
-Can we try this again? 
It sounds phony.
-I don't wanna try this again.
-There's nothing wrong with you.
-I know. 
That's what's wrong with me.
Everybody here is colorful or eccentric or charismatic. 
I'm perfectly ordinary.
My nose is ordinary. 
My body's ordinary.
And my voice, it's-- 
-I don't know why I'm here.
-You wanna be an actress.
Yeah, but actors and actresses are colorful, flamboyant beings.
I'm about as flamboyant as a bagel.
Hi.
-Hi.
-Hi.
-Some people like bagels.
-Some people don't.
-Some people are too old for you.
-He smiles at me.
-He smiles at everyone.
-Yeah, but he winks too.
-I think it's a nervous habit.
-He talks to me, often.
-Really? 
What's he say?
-Hi.
That's serious. 
Have you set the date?
I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry.
-I feel stupid.
So get into it.
Study it. 
Try to remember it so you can--
Hey, M and M.
Seen your shrink lately?
-Yesterday.
-You got a special delivery?
How you doing? 
How are you?
Oh, good. 
That's very good.
You're a good man.
They're not for me.
They're for a friend of mine.
Who's the lucky fella, huh?
Looks like somebody finally corked up old Finsecker.
It can't be Gloria over here.
He's not into chicks.
Shut my mouth.
Bye.
I hate Ralph Garci, I really do.
I must remember this feeling and use it in my acting.
I'm scared.
I'm scared I won't be able to live up to their expectations of me.
Flashing images of passion--
--and hurl you to the ground and make mad, passionate love.
-I forgot it!
-For two weeks?
-I told you, I done it and I forgot it.
-My hearing's fine.
It's your homework that's missing.
And these pages are unintelligible.
It's a secret language.
It ain't meant for whiteys.
-This isn't a joke.
-I got lots of jokes.
-This is garbage!
-My pen broke.
-It's in pencil.
-That broke too.
You can't learn to read, you can't learn to dance.
You're flunking out.
I can read.
Terrific! 
Go ahead, surprise us.
Give him your book.
Pay attention.
Mr. Johnson is gonna read.
-I said I can read!
-Then read.
-No.
-Read!
-No!
-Read!
No, you fucking bitch!
What the fuck you want me to do, asking me to read all the fucking time?
I hate your guts. 
You read, you fucking bitch!
It's not natural.
Get off my case, huh, Papa?
When I was your age, Bruno, I had a lot of girlfriends.
-I had a different girlfriend every day.
-I got music.
Same to you, pal! 
Go ahead.
Go ahead! 
Oh, sure, you got music, okay. 
But for what? 
For yourself.
For your headset.
I mean, do I hear it anymore?
Does your mama hear it?
Do your friends hear it?
Bruno, do you have friends? 
Huh?
-I don't have time. 
I told you.
-You told me. 
You told me.
It's not natural. 
When I was your age, I'm telling you--
You're not my age. 
Nobody's my age.
I'm ahead of my time.
Maybe I don't think people will like my stuff.
How do you know what people will like?
How do they know if they don't hear it?
Bruno, how do they recognize your talent and give you scholarships... 
... andrecordcontracts,son , and awards?
Maybe I die undiscovered, and my ghost gets the Grammy.
Maybe! 
Look, did I build you a studio in the basement for a ghost?
Did I spent $7000 on equipment for a ghost?
- Who is he?
Dr. Fiorenzo, the director's assistant.
Even the sceptre!
Will we have it as a gift, later?
You're Dr. Fiorenzo, the director's assistant?
.
- No, it's him.
- Good evening. 
Amelia Bonetti.
The pictures.
- The boot and the red uniform.
- Only the horse is missing.
That's it, look. 
Those...
They took them during Christmas festivities at the Teatro Margherita, Milan.
What a good audience, in Milan!
They cheer...
There are 24 grenadiers.
I am the queen of England.
Frankly I don't find you look like her so much.
Are you kidding?
Wait.
Watch me with the crown on my head.
What's up?
It's the third time that there's a black out today.
- Salvatore, the torches!
- Immediately, director.
Sirs, I apologize.
We don't know if it's because...
- Excuse me, madam.
- Please.
Massimiliano, go and fetch the candles!
Give some light.
1952.
Well, time passes for everyone.
No, that one's from another act.
"Pas double", double step.
Fred was overwhelming while doing his gipsy-kossak pot-pourri.
Acrobatic, languishing, tender, wild!
Wait, look.
I still have the poster here.
- Here it is.
- Forgive me, but I have to...
Sorry, he's choosing the photographs.
We were well known for tap dancing, but our repertory was quite wide.
And then, as you know, flamenco and tap have a lot in common.
Same basics. 
Excuse me.
Just a second, I'll show you.
No, not here.
Not on the fitted carpet.
Here.
And where's your partner?
I'm waiting for him too, they say there are frequent arrivals.
- Didn't you come together?
- No.
But aren't you married?
Excuse me. 
Roberto!
No. 
I am married, but not with him.
After all these years, this gipsy life, always traveling, without a real home, a family...
So when I met poor Enrico...
It's a pity, if you two were married it would have been better.
But... 
I don't understand why.
It works better. 
The audience always like love stories.
- Partners in art and life.
- It's true, but it didn't happen.
See you tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow morning? 
And when are we going to do the rehearsal?
We didn't dance together for years!
How can we do our show again without a rehearsal?
- Which one is the admiral's room?
- 36, third floor.
Mister director's assistant, we have a dignity to defend.
I want my photos back!
Will the ladies please sit down...
The first report is ready.
You're from the CST, right?
- Thank you.
- The table on the left.
Do you want soup, pasta?
I would just like some ham, to begin.
I was saying, the magistrate told me...
He may have told you whatever.
I'm only the lawyer who paid the ransom to the kidnappers.
I can't answer your questions!
It's the industrieller, the one they kept in a well...
Ask it to him!
He's locked in his room and he doens't answer to anyone!
20 billions, uh?
And they did cut one of his finger too.
What's so funny?
You're really a good dancer.
I'm sorry, I've never seen you dancing, but I still wasn't born.
I understand you.
- May I talk with you?
- Yes, please.
I feel so sad, so alone, Mrs. Ginger.
People don't understand me this is the only reason why I accepted all this.
My trial will be a scandal.
- Which trial ?
- You don't know anything.
And instead people should know.
My trial will be next month in Bologna.
Do you know how they will call me ?
I won't say the word because you are a real lady.
- Do you want some wine?
- Thanks, just a little bit.
You too, Mrs. Ginger?
- Yes, me too.
- Immediately.
I always feel this pain!
Who'll care about those poor boys?
Is that right, that nobody will care abobut them?
I'm sorry, I guess you take care of abandoned children.
Enjoy your dinner, madam.
Good evening.
Hear this rock music, I like it so much!
It makes me feel something!
Me too.
This is my problem. 
All those youg healthy, strong, handsome men locked in a prison for many years, cold and dark and with no love, how can they live?
Mine was a call, a vocation.
Vocations do exist, right?
Well, sure.
One night in dreams I saw a nice dark-haired man, watching me from the prison.
Moving his lips like this.
Help, help...
Someone you already knew?
I still have goose flesh.
I never saw him before, I swear.
Please listen to the rest, Mrs. Ginger.
One day I was with a friend, who's brother is in prison.
And here's the miracle.
- I was there and, who do I see?
- Who did you see, him?
That one, handsome, black haired.
The one of my dream.
- Isn't this a vocation?
- Maybe it is, I can't tell.
Then he introduced me to a mate, then others...
And now I'm on trial because of what I was bringing to those poor men!
- Excuse me but, what did you bring to them?
- What?
His bottom!
That's the guy's vocation!
You can tease me, my friend.
But in America, and this is the truth, they're experimenting fetus transplant to allow men's pregnancy. 
Finally!
So, if God wants, we'll have children too our children, inside us and fed with our body's blood.
Those americans are geniuses!
One of my friends lives in Baltimora and he earns a lot of money.
He's going to try. 
Maybe one day I'll be able to try too, what do you think?
Guys, you're all invited to the night club.
Are you coming too, madam?
- I have to say no.
- We'll have fun.
I can't leave the hotel, I'm waiting for a phone call.
Thanks for inviting me.
I wish you have fun.
It's a pity, madam.
I'm in the right mood tonight.
Kafka, Proust, You're all my guest.
I want to be the baby's godfather!
Come here, Rita Hayworth !
Come close to me, let me hug you.
Keep your hands away!
Put them in your pocket.
What do you think?
Come here, lazy people. 
This must be a night to rememeber.
There's just one thing I can't stand and it's moustache!
Madam, we all are begging you to come.
I have already told you.
I'm waiting for someone.
This is the way to dance!
This is John Travolta style!
This mad man arouses me.
I swear it never happened in my life
See?
I may try to get arrested, so he'll come to see me in jail!
Good idea!
Come here, dissolute!
Will you give me 100 lire?
- 100 lire?
- Yes, give them to me.
Me too I'll be on TV tomorrow.
- oh yes? 
And why?
- Give me 100 lire.
Yes, I'm searching, my dear.
Be patient, just one moment.
- Give them to me, I need them.
- Yes, there.
Miss, did he arrive?
Is he here too?
I don't know, there are so many.
Come out, criminals.
- Take me in your arms.
- Slowly.
I'm hungry!
Pleased to meet you, madam.
But who are you?
What a nice Christmas tree.
Look how big it is!
My girlfriend!
Don't bite my ears.
Why don't you build the hotel near the station?
I don't want to have a bath, I want the crème caramel!
No, I will give you a bath tonight.
Dissolute!
I could start crying for anger.
Because it's disgusting, madhouse, a circus.
the dwarfs, the transvestites...
And then what's this admiral?
I didn't understand.
They say he'll be acting with us.
Us, who?
Pippo did not come.
I'm crazy for pizza.
He's not here yet!
Who will I dance with, then?
He's not a fool!
I shouldn't let you persuade me.
I shouldn't have come.
I might have run away tonight, you know.
Olivoil?
Think about it.
I'll go home.
I leave everything and they'll have to go on without me!
They'll make the admiral dancing.
In 30 seconds!
The bell is going to ring!
No sedative! 
Who wants to calm!
Don't worry, I'll be fine.
Now I'll watch tv for a while and then I'll sleep.
All right, say bye from me.
Goodnight.
Yes, yes, bye.
cavalier Fulvio Lombardoni's pasta!
Put your hand on the tap.
Now the sauce, well done.
And now taste it, think about it, reflect.
Come on, only 27 seconds are missing!
Who's your favourite?
- Carmela!
- Mine is that girl.
The one who's sensitive to the cold.
3 hectograms corn flour.
3 hectograms butter eggs.
It's this one, it's this one!
Here's our winner.
Miss Carmela.
- How could you guess?
- I did dream about my poor mother.
- Bravo.
- She said I was going to win a lot of money.
It's a lot, yes!
20 milions. 
Say hello to the mayor.
Hurry, Time is finishing.
Come on, come on!
Now we're saying bye using our password:
Spritzsugo and life becomes a "paciugo".
- Goodbye...
- Fuck...!
- Who is it?
- Someone who wants to sleep!
Eh, no!
Who is it?
Sir, I can't sleep!
It's like being at the airport!
It's all right, but I have to sleep too.
Is that you?
When did you arrive?
I told them to call me.
And now let's go to sleep.
- Yes, sure.
- Tomorrow morning.
What's up?
Amelia...
I didn't recognize you!
Nothing, nothing! 
Goodnight.
The bus will leave in 10 minutes.
- The two Dalla.
- The bathroom.
Brigitte Bardot.
Marlene Dietrich.
Is there a porter, please?
- Reagan.
- Here I am.
- You're not dressed like a cow-boy?
- Where should I get the clothes?
It's all right, we'll give them to you.
Good morning. 
The director's assistant, Mr. Fiorenzo, where is he?
- Laurentina?
- What?
- This lady!
- Which lady? 
Ohhh!
- What do you want?
- I didn't get a bathroom.
No more rooms with bathroom left.
- So how will I have a bath?
- You won't. 
Woody Allen withouth bath.
- Where should I bring the costumes?
- To the studio!
And our act, When will we do the rehearsal?
Miss, this is our tune, where are they playing it?
There
You don't know anything about tap, little child.
When were you born?
Then!
When great Fred was dancing tap you were still pissing in your bed.
You'll say that now I'm the one who pisses in his bed. 
So what?
Yes... actually sometimes it happens.
The prostate!
Amelia, we're among amateurs here!
Will you tell us who you are?
Who are you?
Idiot.
I'm Pippo Botticella, nickname Fred.
- I can imitate anything.
- Bravissimo.
The train.
The typewriter.
The machine gun.
Classical and modern style.
Slow rhythms, moderate, fast, romantic, comic, comic-romantic.
Understood?
black painted shoe...
creates a feeling!
Sure...
Now I'm a little breathless.
If you're breathless and you piss in your bed... then shut up!
Do you know the maestro is?
Esilarantissimo 82 and Supersganascio 84.
Who fucking cares?
Dear friends, let's have some fun.
We're all nice people!
Was that note a "C" ?
"rounded butts, happy the cock"
We're always at the same point!
Yesterday evening I got one that wasn't bad.
I've got the score!
You're the maestro of "Ed ecco a voi".
(We are proud to present)
I am Amelia Bonetti, Ginger.
Please to meet you.
Here.
Here:
"a woman with no ass...
is like an alpine soldier with no mule".
This is the pot-pourri of famous american tunes arranged just for us by Maestro Fortini.
One moment, look.
You'll have to repeat this segment two or three times.
I must have the time to go out and change my clothes.
I'll show you.
Hesitation... one, two, three...
- Corner, to the corner, please.
- What's up?
Television!
One, two, three, four... and I go.
I come back and... together...
- Do you remember?
- No.
How come!
I knew it! 
You've always done this thing wrong!
I don't mean the steps...
but the expression of your face.
You smile, but it should be the opposite!
I explained a thousand times!
It's more faded.
Here the melody ends, like in a dream. 
Understood?
Who asked you to do this speeching?
The maestro only wanted to know...
Maestro, aren't we rehearsing anymore?
- I guess you'll remember the steps?
- A few years have passed!
We need rehearsing!
They are really mindless!
Do you have cramps already?
You didn't even get up!
- Did they give you the money?
- Money?
Pippo Botticella! 
Amelia Bonetti!
- Are you Fred ?
- Ginger!
- I'm here.
- Let's go, the bus is waiting.
- Did you notice she looks like you?
- Who?
The orange dwarf, she's identical!
I come back after 30 years and I receive such a compliment!
Wear that shoe!
You can get that too, I only have two arms!
Where's your frac?
It's well folded, this way it won't crease! 
Instead!
Instead what?
Kojak, are you Sitting bull?
- Did you start drinking again?
- Don't be blaspheme.
Everybody else on the big bus!
I'll talk with him!
Stop!
When something falls on the floor before I get it, I have to think about it for a moment.
Is it the same for you?
In fact it's better not to do some of the steps. 
Like when you raise me.
I don't want to risk to fall on the floor.
but always in my arms.
I don't find you in such a disorder, maybe your hair...
You're drinking a little less, are you?
Yesterday evening you were really "out"!
No, I was sleepy. 
I travelled with a little child in my arms.
Do you have a son?
A woman asked me to keep her baby while she was going to the toilet
She spent three hours there!
And the baby's weight was 20 kg!
the deputy will introduce me and I, as mayor, will speak.
It's not needed, you only have to bow.
It's advertising, for your hotel!
"We are proud to present" is watched by 25 million people!
We're not interested in advertising!
You were allowed to come in with the bus, not with the cow!
It's getting all dirty!
Such a mess!
Even a cow!
I don't know if I'll stay!
What kind of show is this? 
Are we going to stay in a zoo?
I signed for 800,000 lire.
You may not need it, but I don't have your income.
- Which income, Pippo!
- Look!
A delight! 
Compliments!
You're like the sun...
There's enough for everyone!
- Hey, She's my bride!
- Compliments.
"big breasted woman... cock feeding-bottle!"
It doens't satisfy me, it could be better.
Listen, Will you milk it?
- I mean, the cow.
- Stop it!
They're calling us, the bus.
Do you still have your dancing school?
- I sold it to that man from Saragoza.
- And then, what did you do?
Some theatre, and quite succesfully too.
- Now?
- I'm selling encyclopedias door to door.
We only have two minutes! 
There's no time to milk it during the show!
I can't see a single good decoration...
Pippo, leave him alone!
- I was being serious!
- Are you always like this?
I wanted to ask you why you came alone.
Why didn't your wife come with you?
She didn't.
Isn't it better?
So you really didn't recognize me yesterday evening?
Thanks.
You're always a little girl!
All these years passed too soon.
Not for me. 
I got married, I became a widow...
I'll stay near the window.
- Tears of joy.
- Are they?
Something happened something that can't be understood.
Beyond.
How could they?
One of the voices, this time, was recorded even without a microphone.
My mother tapes voices of dead people.
At least we believe they are it happened for years.
How? 
Please explain it better.
Using a tape recorder.
We leave it in recording mode with a microphone connected to it.
Later we listen to the recording and we hear those voices recorded with an incredible precision.
This time they were recorded without the microphone! 
Do you understand?
Listen!
Not this one!
I sad the blue bus!
But this one is the secretary, the fat man.
Yes, wait!
- Did you hear?
- What?
He said "pip".
It's a voice we know, it did speak other times.
Always calls "Pippo", Who knows why.
- Who could be?
- His name's Pippo !
I didn't hear anything, only a hiss.
Precisely, just like you said, a hiss.
It's a frequency jump, from a dimension to another.
From their dimension to ours.
They need a lot of energy, to do it.
- "they" who?
- The deads!
Even though they try not to let us understand poor them!
They're always so happy, joyful!
They laugh, they laugh so much!
It's obvious that everything has been examined.
Technicians, witnesses.
everything controlled, there is no possibility of cheating. 
Listen.
Did you hear? 
It was so clear this time. "Pippo"!
That's kind from them, they want to welcome me.
What's up?
I hope you didn't get impressed.
Consider that there are millions of "Pippos" in this world!
Why just you?
Sometime...
It's like feeling that soon...
What?
It's difficult to explain this sensation.
It's as if things... were looking at me in a strange way.
Who's looking at you in a strange way?
Things.
As if they wanted to say bye to me.
"Goodbye, Pippo.
bye, bye, bye, Pippo!"
Doens't it comfort you?
They love you!
Merry Christmas to all our dear viewers.
Exacty at 16,30 we'll have a special Christmas broadcast of "We are proud to present".
He came earlier than us!
Look, so many!
Sergeant, this way we'll get scared!
During the show you won't have handcuffs, you'll better behave well.
- Hello.
- I even prepared a short song!
Only tanks are missing!
- What does he want?
- Who is he?
I'm a fool, I didn't bring telephoto lens!
I know that one, I've seen pictures on the magazines, it's that man...
He's Catanzaro, a member of the Camorra, a mafioso.
a racketeer!
he's in house arrest, sentenced to 30 years.
and he's going to be on tv?
In his own way, he's interesting!
We had a special authorisation from the Ministry of Justice.
He'll be in our show.
Could you tell us who's that man with handcuffs?
Have you seen?
We made a bet.
- He doesn't want to tell us.
- We don't care!
Give me your hand.
At least, this one is light!
Mrs. Ginger, I've seen you here, and also there The pass!
May I have a picture together with the Carabinieri?
Leave your bags here and pass this way.
We're all "recorded" now !
Go, go, very "intelligent".
What are you saying? 
Who are you talking about?
The "muchacho"...
Follow me, We'll pass this way.
- Lardiani told me...
- Miss, your bag here.
I am disarmed!
I left everything at home!
Stop!
I stopped smoking.
Thanks.
What a nice boy!
Did you hear? 
drug, train robbery, kidnapping, a great criminal!
- So young!
- That's great!
- He probably killed too!
- That's great!
You, my dear, with your doll head making money exploiting other people...
What are you saying?
One moment! 
That boy is a rebel!
I'm on his side because it's a righteus battle
Against this society's injustices!
And let's stop talking about this!
this is senile dementia!
And you are histerical. 
So I'm part of a bad society?
You own a firm with people working for you, don't you?
I wake up at 6 and go to bed at midnight for that little firm, and I'd be a slavist?
Amelia, we have to rebel.
I'm with the rebels.
We have to rebel against this!
I get angry!
When I see unjustice, I get angry!
Get angry then!
- You have to pass this way.
- With pleasure.
Viviana! 
Viviana!
Sir, please, come here.
Please, come here.
- Don't put your hands on me.
- I have to search.
- Don't put your hands on me.
- Angelo!
- Don't move.
- I won't let you touch me.
- What's up?
- I don't want to be touched.
The metal detector beeped, he must have something on. 
Search him.
Turn.
Turn.
What do you have here?
A horseshoe!
Do you always bring it with you?
He's supersticious!
- Yes, so what?
- You can keep it.
All right? 
Is everybody satisfied?
- You have to find the ventriloquist!
- I call him everyday on the phone!
- Is there a bar here?
- That way.
Thanks.
- What will you say at the show?
- The truth.
- That everything is fake.
- Sure!
- This one is disagreeable!
- He already signed the contract!
Did he really get arrested, or he's an actor?
- What do you do when you're in love?
- Like this.
me too I'd like to have an autographed copy of the book, where is it?
Dear listeners, I'm speaking from CSD studios' bar, to disclose something about today's "We are proud to present" show.
We'll have engineer Bitossi, he set a new kidnapping record the lasting of his kidnapping and the amount of money paid.
11 billions and they cut his little finger mailed to his beautiful wife.
Then we'll have Mrs Parenti she left husband and sons becasue she fell in love with an alien.
Please tell us at least from which planet.
I can tell it he's from Sirio.
From Sirio?
Where do you meet him? 
You said you meet him every week!
I'm sorry but this is just my business!
What's the difference between him and human beings?
- Do you understand...
- This is fundamental!
- Do we have to wait here?
- Yes, there's the self service here.
- I'm not hungry.
- Steak, salad and mineral water.
- Amilcare, did you order bucatini?
- They don't have!
They don't?
Amelia, I'm here!
Please, a cappuccino with no froth.
I understood!
- Are you the one with the dog?
- Which dog?
The one that started whining when the pope died.
- I'm not!
- You don't want to tell it to me, uh?
Barbara, let me bite your bottom!
Dear girl, what else do you want?
I blessed you, now go.
Miss, he is Gerolamo di Trivento, vero ?
Yes. 
He saved my mother, she was going to die.
I brought him a picture of her.
He touched it and she recovered.
They say that when he's praying he raises himself from the floor and he reaches the crucifix near the ceiling.
The one who's with him is a scientist, a parapsychologist.
Is this one ok?
No, the pink one.
I apologize for my incredulity but, is it true that that monk can fly?
It may happen. 
It's called levitation and it's rare in western countries.
- Did you actually see him?
- No.
- Here she is!
- Bravo! 
That one, give it to me.
Dear viewers, Merry Christmas.
Today's "We are proud to present" show will be aired in three hours and it will not just have extraordinary people.
We will have the orchestra...
That one got on very quickly, she's a friend of the general manager!
this band is composed by the seven oldest italian horns.
Here they are, entering in our studio.
A total of 620 years!
We might call it the hundred-year-old band!
Immediately after them we'll have... the ex don... 
I don't know if I can call him an "ex don" (ex priest).
I'm not an ex don, I'm still a don!
What is she saying?
...that threw away his priest clothes to make his love dream come true.
Then we will interview the man who's most loved by beautiful women who want to become even more beautiful.
famous professor Carl Rudolph Nordt.
great aestethical surgeon.
- What does he say?
- My german...
The operation lasted 8 hours and I did once each 4 months.
But watch how much I changed!
It was worth!
I'll take off my bandage during the show and when you will know my age you'll say it's a miracle!
and it's thanks to this man!
Maestro, my name's Esmeralda, will you give me an autograph?
Me too I was kidnapped, but I didn't have a finger cut...
- The cappuccino.
- I said with no froth!
- This is how I got it!
- What happened?
The manager didn't pay the hotel bill, so we spent 10 days locked in a hotel room! 
Do you remember, Amelia?
Why didn't you ask for help to anyone, after you were released?
I walked all night in the country...
Why do you always have to tell lies?
Did you do something? 
Did you look for someone?
Where's the dressing room?
I have to iron the dress!
The electrician, does he have the special light?
Otherwise who could see us acting?
I remember everything.
Are you married ?
No!
I'm Barbara from Teleflash.
I'd like to ask a few questions to Ginger and Fred.
Did you break up in the '40s?
What do you do now? 
What will you dance?
What do you think of today's dances?
Why did you accept to come to this show?
- Why tap?
- An intelligent question.
It's high time to talk seriously about tap.
Tap isn't just a dance.
It's something more... more...
Explain!
Me too I think that tap is something...
something... more!
Yes, something more.
Is it clear?
What do you mean?
- Tap wasn't a dance.
- What was it?
The black slaves' morse code, some kind of wireless telegraph.
Another lie?
In cotton fiels black slaves were not allowed to talk.
If they were caught talking, the warden... would lash them.
So...
what would the black slave do?
He would communicate with his workmate this way.
"Beware, the warden!"
"I've got a knife"
"Let's kill him."
Or.
"I love you."
"I love you too"
Very interesting!
A language of love and death!
Who did you learn it from?
I've always known about it, I even wanted to write a book about it!
We danced tap for 15 years and you never told me!
It's a very beautiful thing!
- I'm having goose flesh!
- Those husbands!
- He's not my husband.
- No?
Thanks for the interview, it was really interesting.
The book was published three months ago, why are you presenting it today?
- Usual technical problems.
- I see.
- Did you have big problems?
- I wouldn't say big.
Please talk about the relation between the writer and an important politician.
He was the one who wanted this show but I will deny what I just said!
- Camilla, what big tits you have!
- They're still the usual ones!
"To Xegna with enthusiasm". 
Thanks.
But what's the rest?
"Hoping she won't forget about me"
- And this number?
- My phone number.
Nostalgia is always there.
And you?
No, thanks, maestro.
I've read it already.
It's very nice, modern, it's a pity that the ending...
Were you disappointed?
Well... 
I don't know.
The beginning is so good, while the second part instead...
Like this?
Let's not exxagerate, like this.
- How would you want the ending to be?
- This is a great honour.
The story ends on a river, right?
- And you don't like rivers?
- I like them a lot.
- Then? 
I don't get it.
- It's a life symbol, isn't it?
The river is a symbol, isn't it?
- Yes, a symbol!
- Bravo!
At that point we should have...
- Confess, you're a writer.
- You're flattering me!
I immediately understood that you're not just a keen reader.
I'm interested, I'm writing notes.
Please suggest a different ending, maybe in a second edition...
What do you write about?
No, I'm not a writer!
When I'm in the mood, I write some jokes.
how do they call it...
aphorisms in rhyme.
Rhyme is a litte obsolete.
Yes, but it helps the reader.
Sure! 
Come on, Let us hear something.
- No.
- The best things are unconscious.
I try to catch...
some reflections... between female body and desires men have for it.
Ah... the specular reflection!
Impromptu isn't the easiest way.
A professor told me it's somewhat Marziale style.
- Fuck!
- Let us enjoy something.
It's becoming an exam.
but I'm afraid to disappoint you these are just jokes...
Pippo, we should go.
We still have to do the rehearsal...
I'm talking with writers!
She's right because we still have to try the tap.
I have to to make a little introduction Did you see the dwarfs in the morning?
Yes, funny!
- I could not help...
- I'm curious!
- You want to gratify me.
- You are gratifying us.
- Do you know them?
- Yes, some.
- I can't judge.
- Poetry is something difficult for me.
Butt of a dwarf, this cock is waiting for you
It's him! 
It's Marziale !
It's him!
- With a little bit of Orazio.
- No, Marziale.
It's understood that it's waiting for the dwarf to grow up.
To me it sounds a bit like Giovanni Pascoli.
May we go?
The dick says Hello.
You think you're so smart and you didn't realize they were teasing you?
- What does this have to do with Giovanni Pascoli!
- What does it have to do with you!
Amelia, look!
- Toto!
- Amelia!
Our Toto !
I have no memory, I shit in my trousers, I've got false teeth, I don't smoke, I don't drink...
- I'm fine.
- Are you telling the truth?
- I'm fine. 
And you?
- Never!
Seal, Seal, seal makes you smarter, seal meat.
Willingly we bet our life for a piece of seal. 
The seal, The seal!
- Should I go that way too?
- Yes, for the make-up. go.
Did you take the drops?
You'd pay half, in Piazza Re di Roma.
- Does it hurt here?
- It's a delight.
- And here?
- It's a little dangerous there.
- Miss, can I have one too?
- Yes.
- Could I have a picture with you?
- Sure.
My nephew wants to become like them.
- Let me take you in my arms.
- Why not?
Slowly, please!
Amelia, do you like he-men?
Those are ornaments!
I want a picture for my nephew...
like Mae West !
Toto, If the "child" goes on like this, I don't know what I'll do!
Do you know where I can find some ice?
In the bar. 
Bring some to me too, I'm on fire!
She feels better than me!
I can't stand you, I've had enough of you!
- Meeting you will make him feel better.
- Do you think so?
Amelia, I haven't seen you two together for 30 years!
He was so bold...
instead... what a defeat!
Poor him, he took it really badly.
Really.
- What did he take badly?
- You leaving him.
He had to be hospitalised.
I went to see him, whenever I could.
He didn't recognize me, the first time.
What happened?
- Amelia !
- Yes, we're coming.
- Didn't you know about it?
- What?
Don't tell anything to him.
My shoes!
Amelia !
- How old is he?
- 7.
My friend, tell me the truth, what do you think about...
This is the problem, right?
See you!
There's no doubt, monkeys were our ancestors.
- but not completely.
- What do you mean?
We don't have instinct, innocence.
- Do you know what those eyes were saying?
- No.
"Such a sad situation for you"
He was talking about you.
- Honorable, please sit down here.
- Honorable, we still have one hour.
- He didn't eat for 45 days!
- Why?
It's a protest. 
He says we shouldn't shoot birds.
- He's right.
- Let us poor people starve!
He's got money and he's starving!
You instead are really poor!
You were lucky to meet Toto.
I'm like a little mouse, I know every hole here.
I can find a quiet place for you to do a rehearsal.
Toto, we'll wait here.
Yesterday evening I ate salad with tuna.
I had to shit.
I spent the night in the toilet!
What's that good for?
It makes me look younger.
We have to apologize, our broadcast will be resumed in a few minutes.
- How was it?
- Very good!
What's up?
Nothing.
- This one?
- A silver pen.
- Do you have them all?
- No, not enough space!
Pardon me, I think you're missing a very important decoration.
Which one?
The great umbilical cord of the Order of the great ass.
It's evil to tease my decorations and the man who has been decorated!
Let me pass!
Calm down, please forgive him!
You're asking him just the one he doens't have!
He's got so many! 
Calm down, you'll see you'll get that one too!
- Let go!
- Come on, stop now!
Nobody will disturb you here.
You can do your rehearsal quietly.
I left your suitcase there.
We still have one hour.
- I'll come to fetch you for the make-up.
- All right.
Guys... 
Ginger and Fred!
I remember your show started like that:
Ginger comes back to London, her big love affair is over.
Will they make the... 
VUUU ?
It's fundamental, that's where the dance start.
- I know you gave the score to the maestro.
- Fortunately I still had it!
"Goodbye, my loved Fred" Ginger is crying, leaving on a ship.
That's when you arrive, you throw away your cigarette...
Fred!
You're really bold, guys!
You can do your rehearsal quietly, I'll come back later.
- Should we try the costumes?
- Yes. 
Better.
- Are you short breathed?
- No.
Did you see Toto then?
No... well, yes. 
Once.
- Where?
- I can't remember.
I wonder why I feel embarassed.
We layed down so many times in the same bed!
You're so nice!
We're in bad conditions, are we?
Now I try to avoid undressing in front of a woman, if I can.
- And you?
- Me?
Me what? 
I don't have these problems.
You're asking such questions...!
I mean it's not like it used to be.
When I was undressing, the lucky girl was immediately starting to applaude.
It wasn't so bad, old Pippo... 
Fred !
In fact I resisted 15 years with the "sexually nomad", as you used to call yourself.
- How was it with your husband?
- What do you mean?
- Everything.
- Everything was very different.
You and me were so young back then.
How do I look?
- Why not?
- The steps.
- What's wrong with the steps?
- They're non existant.
We must show them who we are.
They have to see who's Fred!
- And me?
- You too.
They think they can put us there like trained bears?
We came here to introduce an admiral, a warmonger?
You came here to introduce an admiral.
I'm not so happy about this either but it's their system.
Not me.
Let me go to the stage.
Let me go to the stage.
Let me go to the stage.
- Yes.
- You'll see what I'll do.
Because tonight I will talk, I will say everything.
I'll say everything to 60 millions italians !
But... 
What are you going to say?
S-H-E-E-P-S.
Sheeps.
Sheeps.
Do you think I came here because of 800,000 lire?
I don't give a damn!
So you invented television?
you're watching television all the time?
Do you want to hear only the television?
Then you'll hear me, tonight. 
Me!
Come. 
I said come here!
Turn.
Your head. 
Your leg.
Got it.
Crazy uh? 
It's time to stop with this crazy thing.
Damn, so good !
Stop now, Pippo. 
You might get hurt.
Attention please, actors and guests should go to the make-up.
They're calling us.
We have to go to the make-up.
Later.
- Ladies, this way.
- Who should I give Marlene and Sophia Loren to?
They're all americans.
- Why did they choose you?
- I've been in Philadelfia twice.
Mrs Ginger!
We're here, I need you.
Amelia, that one is the make-up room.
Right in front of you.
Mrs Ginger, do I look better this way...
or this way?
I think it's better this way, the neck looks nicer.
- I don't know.
- I also think so, makes it thinner.
Madam, sit down.
- What are you doing?
- The wig.
- I've got my wig!
- Are you Paolino the cat?
- No Paolino the cat!
- Who's Paolino the cat?
Who ordered three "grappe"?
They're for me!
- Should we cover your bald?
- No.
- It's better, you look younger.
- All right.
Oh, wake up! 
wake up!
- You can keep the rest, enjoy!
- 1,000 lire still missing!
I'm so scared!
- You're pulling away my hair, I'll do it!
- Look at this crazy!
I give up, I don't feel like doing it.
Excuse me, I want to go home, who should I tell it to?
- I'll take care of you.
- You misunderstood. 
I wanna leave!
I'm sorry madam, I'm deaf.
I'm really deaf.
Oh my God!
Who should I tell it to? 
I wanna go home.
Who should I tell it to?
If you allow, we'll start from the make-up room...
Merry Christmas to everyone!
No need to move, you're working...
Mr. president, it's a great honour!
- Who is he?
- The president came to see us.
Please follow me, I will introduce you to Borgosole's mayor.
The lady's husband has an extraordinary cow, 15 udders.
- No, Fiorenzo!
- They're 18! 
In stage.
President, today's show is really...
Yes, yes.
- Borgosole ?
- yes, 8.000 people, farm workers, craftsman making pipes, tops and bowls.
Bravi. 
Good evening.
- I'm not the bishop!
- Those are real tramps, it's for the section "metropolis' borders".
It's about our town's problems.
- We have to do it. 
We have to.
- This way.
He's an handsome man too.
I'm sorry about the mess, but we'll be broadcasting live shortly.
Here's the famous singers!
We finally have the chance to have them here.
- I'm one of their fans.
- Divine!
The lady will introduce, in an evocative way, admiral Aulenti.
We will recall that time by listening to soundtracks taken from some of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers films.
The lady and her partner used to imitate those dancers.
The lady might be smaller than the actress, but she's as nice and pleasant as her.
When I was a boy I used to spend afternoons in my room trying to imitate the great Fred Astaire.
It's just his style!
May I?
Dear viewers, we wish Christmas brought you joy, happiness and many gifts.
the Centro Spaziale Televisivo wants to give you one more gift:
an extraordinary "We are proud to present" show
It will start in one hour.
Dear friends, the show is about to begin.
I'll enjoy it from my office.
It was a pleasure, madam.
Best wishes and Merry Christmas to everyone.
Mr. president, how "We are proud to present" will bring culture to the country?
No, I have to do it!
You can't leave your place.
What would everyone say?
It was on the newspaper too!
Come on, Amelia.
Laurentina, Bonetti's age.
Who is she, do you know her?
- That one.
- Mrs. Bonetti, come here.
How old are you?
- What's this good for?
- Good for her.
The audience will see someone your age dancing tap...
- You do dance tap, do you?
- Sure.
Then you should do it.
The audience will be moved and will applaude.
It will be good for you.
- You're right.
- Come on, how old are you?
Enough to get an applause.
It's really cold.
I'd need a cognac.
Come in, guys. 
Follow me.
silently, as in a church.
Slow. 
Slow!
Bernardino, call the director, Everyone's here.
- May I take pictures here?
- No
Who did let you in?
Come in.
come.
Where are the doubles?
Come here!
Girls, slow. upstairs.
He doens't have a "batocco", just like you.
Pippo, should I wear a wig?
Wait here, 10.
- Madam, What are you doing?
- I have to wear it.
- The make-up's there.
- Thanks.
Come one, come to 8.
The monk! 
Where's the monk?
- He's here.
- We're here.
- Get ready, I'll call you.
- As you wish.
- Aurelio !
- Don't bother me.
- Fuck off!
- But... 
You fuck off!
Merry Christmas! 
These two magic words - let's confess - make us feel like children again.
Like when we were anxiously waiting for that night waiting for someone in the sky to hear our voice and fulfil our hopes for a world full of peace and happiness.
- Nice wig!
- Serioulsy?
- Makes you look like a character.
- I didn't wear it for so long!
That man can make women pregnant just by watching them, do you believe it?
- Who?
- That one.
He says he studied black magic in Amazon.
- And he can get you pregnant just by looking at you?
- It may be easy, but you're losing something.
You can stare at me, there is no danger.
Let's welcome, by applauding him, a men who's really in love.
- How are you?
- Fine, thanks.
- Your fiancée?
- Here she is.
She's very beautiful! 
Your love story is very moving.
He's a priest who quit because of this woman.
Nothing can stop love.
Pippo, how do I look? 
All right?
- Tell me the truth, does it look good?
- You're right after Mrs. Silvestri.
- Who is she?
- I have no idea!
You're 6.
Always keep watching the quadrant.
- Iolanda, take this.
- Put it with mine, please.
Shouldn't they kiss?
Come on, don Valentino, You have to give a little kiss.
Best wishes!
What more do you want from life?
Let's go on with the show.
Do you remember me?
In Torino, during the black out.
Because of me you had a fight with Augusto's master, he didn't want to pay me.
I'm sorry, no smoking.
Best wishes, guys.
It was a pleasure to see you again.
Arrested several times in italian prisons.
You might say:
"Arrested in a prison?"
Yes, dear friends, Evelina Pollini used to enter in prisons not as sentenced but as benefactress.
She'll explain.
It was 7 PM, October 28, a few years ago.
I was in the kitchen, I heard a voice How could I explain... mystical.
I don't think I get it.
My fiancée says heart decides on its own.
- The heart stays young.
- Is this her first wedding?
She says she's widow, twice.
You only have two minuts, what will you say?
I'm an edible panties manufacturer and he's the one who invented such thing.
- Gabriella, please to meet you.
- They've got fruit taste,
Some customers would like tuna and onion taste.
But I don't think it's a good idea.
Two hemispheres, the first tastes like peach, the other ones tastes like apricot.
The lover can choose... 
Don't move.
He bites, he chews...
It's all good stuff.
He gets excited, he feels...
We are planning to add some drugs, vitamins, mineral salts.
What about tuna and onions?
The miracle maker monk.
Together with professor De Nittis and his monastery warden.
- Fra Gerolamo, thanks.
- You're welcome.
- Sit down.
- No, thanks.
Such humbleness! 
He doesn't want to sit down.
- Change your place.
- Move to 4.
And you, please, to 2.
This is 2, then we have to go that way.
Come on.
I don't understand what's happening.
First I ask myself what I'm doing here,
Then I'm pretending it's just a debut in a bigger and newer theatre,.
And you? 
Are you all right?
No smoking here. 
Be quiet.
Pippo, look.
Look. 
We can see from here it's the flying monk.
to get closer to the truth, even evil may be a way.
In my village too we have such a saint.
My mother gave me one of his medals.
I always keep it on my chest.
I believe in these things.
Knowing your mighty powers,
I won't beg you, to move mountains,
- but to...
- No, no, no.
A little miracle that may give hope in the eternal.
Why not? 
Maybe we don't desearve it?
Everything in life is a miracle.
We just have to see it in the things that happen.
But we're not small enough to understand such great things.
Good luck. 
Wishes, madam.
We got another message.
Come, mum.
By avoiding eating and drinking, the honorable will reach the point of no return.
I will be his spokesman, because he's so weak since several weeks, to say what he's been asking for years.
He is trying to focus the attention of the country and of the parliament to the need to forbid hunting and fishing.
No more hunting, stiring up... men's aggressivity.
He says he smells mint everywhere.
That girl is so funny!
I'm scared. 
Who are they?
- I don't know.
- Strange.
Here's 24 dancers, The tallest one is 42 cm.
The smallest dancers ever!
Quick, move to the next one.
Wait here, silently.
- Is it better?
- He recovered, He's fine.
Admiral, It's your turn, in ten minutes.
Please, a little bit of water, I have to give him the heart medecine.
- The cognac.
- We didn't ask for it.
- Is it for the admiral?
- Are you crazy? 
Go away.
- It's for me.
- No, Pippo, It's not good for your health.
Heroes always existed.
This housewife is among them
She accepted, for money, to spend one month without TV.
She signed a contract,
We sent technicians who locked her TV set and took away her antenna from the roof making impossible to see TV from her house.
You'll say it's impossible, I couldn't believe it either, but this woman exists.
Here's to you Pietruzza Silvestri.
Madam, would you do it again?
Never. 
Never again.
It has been terrible.
They gave us a lot of money, it's true, but it's cursed money.
Experiments like this should not be allowed, especially where there are children and aged people.
Madam, by the sound of your voice I'd say you studied how to sing.
Never agaiiiiiiin!
Well said, madam. 
We all agree!
Never again without TV!
Porchetta Lombardoni For a "more" Christmas!
I hope you were joking when you said those things.
If you are planning to act like a clown, I'll quit and you'll dance alone.
A step back in time, dear friends.
Many of you may remember 1940, war time, black outs, fear.
It's our turn, they're calling us. recalling Fred Astaire e Ginger Rogers!
Our show found two dancers
That in the '40s on stage became famous using Ginger and Fred as names imitating the famous american couple.
We are proud to present, Ginger and Fred!
Do you know how old this man and this woman are ?
Me and Ginger have a pact I'll tell you their age only after you've seen them dancing.
Now an extraordinary tap dance, here's to you Ginger and Fred!
Goodbye!
Don't move away from the stage.
Sirs, don't leave your seats.
We're activating emergency power.
Don't move, don't leave your seats, you might fall or step on cables, it's dangerous.
We have to apologize, dear audience.
We ask you to wait without leaving your seats.
Come to fetch me, I can't see anything!
Be careful, you'll fall!
You, call!
If it was all like this, I might watch this show.
Call 219, It's the president.
Fred.
Fred, what happened to you?
Did you fall?
Amelia, What did we came here for?
We must be crazy!
Let's quit now.
while it's still dark we may go that way.
Stay down.
We're lucky.
Buffoon.
You're just a thoughtless.
Buffooon.
Amelia, be careful, you'll fall!
Where are you going? 
Didn't you hear?
It's dangerous.
- I will look for Toto.
- Where? 
You too might fall.
- This darkness makes my head turn.
- Then sit down for a while.
I'll put my handkerchief.
It's going to crease.
How will I look when we'll have light again?
We won't have light again.
Why?
In the first place, because this is a shitty organisation.
The famous "giant with clay feet"!
And then this might be a terroristic act, an attack.
We might suddendly blow up.
Let's leave, then.
Amelia, this would be a wonderful story.
Imagine the title!
"They got separated 30 years before, they rejoin to die together"
Stories like this are not moving anymore.
And then I wouldn't like it
I don't feel bad here.
It's like a dream, far away from everything.
a place, you don't know where, you don't know how you got there.
Toto told you I've been in a mental hospital, did he?
It's true.
I don't know what happened when you left me!
Abandon, loneliness.
Ive never known it, I would have run to see you.
What for? 
Our story was over and our work too.
Only these crazy people could remember that we... are ghosts coming from the dark and going back to the dark.
You're so right.
I tell myself that I did it for my nephews, for my friends, a crazy idea.
The truth is that I wanted so much to see you again.
Very romantic.
Then, I want to tell you that I wanted to see you again too.
It's the retreat sign, let's go.
Yes.
We have to be able to understand the signs.
Who knows what could follow this escape.
Come.
Be careful, there's a step.
TV addicted!
In your places!
In your places!
We apologize for the short interruction, it may have made greedier your waiting!
The show will resume from where it was interrupted!
The ship is goin to sail, it was the last siren sound, but Ginger is running down the stair.
and now they are hugging and promising not be separated again.
The music, like a book for Francesca, surrounds the two partners in work and life and they're still dancing together.
- I can't remember anything.
- Two steps on the side, then you follow me.
Leg.
I turn that way, hold me.
- Now?
- Twice.
- Turn slowly.
- A cramp!
Like this, well done.
Bravo.
Did you get hurt?
May we go on?
He wants to go on, let's applaude him, as encouragement!
Do you feel like doing it?
There's Dudù, do you remember the violin player?
I feel like crying.
Move your arm, it's on my face.
There's a feather in my nose.
- No, there's nothing.
- I feel like sneezing.
Pippo, we did it!
You were wonderful.
Pippo, Amelia, bravi! 
Bravi!
You can't stay here, you won't let people pass!
Brava, it made me cry.
You were divine, everybody say so!
Did you see?
They liked you, but now stand up!
I did not eat, would you like a piece of zampone with lentils ?
There's no time, my train leaves in 15 minutes.
but you may go, you still have one hour.
I've got more, I decided to spend a few days in Rome.
At Toto's place. 
I got an idea.
That show host earns a lot of money.
I could do his job better than him!
Sure but, did you tell it to your wife?
Didn't they tell you?
She left me a couple of years ago.
- Are you Ginger?
- Yes. 
Ginger and Fred.
- Will you sign an autograph for me?
- Sure, what's your name?
We saw you dancing on tv.
I saw you on tv, will you make a "signa"?
Thanks, my friend.
Will you sign an autograph too?
- Thanks.
- Me too.
Have you seen?
Ginger and Fred !
When will we get the money?
I thought we would get it immediately.
They said two or three weeks.
It would have been better to get it tonight.
I could give it to you, you'll give it back to me when you can.
- All right.
- Hey, I do want it back!
I don't know how much it is, but... well.
- I want it back!
- Yes.
Amelia, I won't go with you to the train.
I don't like leaving trains.
Then it's a goodbye.
Write me a letter, or come to see me, it would be a pleasure.
- Really. 
Whenever you want.
- Yes.
I don't think we will have the chance to dance together again.
So, dear Pippo... bye.
- Amelia, at least give me a little kiss!
- Yes.
Amelia !

[No Audible Dialogue]
[No Audible Dialogue]
[Radio: 
Voices, Indistinct] ... to a continent called North America.
We have but 10 ships equipped for such a journey, capable of transporting 100,000 of us.
All of us?
With the others.
Our planet is disintegrating.
We will secure the continent within two days of arrival.
No, we cannot leave the others behind.
I won't let you.
That boy. 
That boy.
Get up from there, can't you, please?
Your father will be home soon for lunch... and he'll surely have himself a conniption fit... if he finds you in front of the radio again.
[Turns Off]
Hey, you made me miss the best part.
Too bad. 
Too bad, indeed.
[Teapot Whistling]
Can't you be studying something, reading that medical book your father bought you?
You know he could have used a new coat for himself with the money that he spent on this book.
I don't believe you've opened it once.
Weren't you supposed to sweep the front walk?
How's about that mess of a room of yours?
You are the laziest child in 10 counties, I swear it.
Oh, go on. 
Go out and do some reading.
[Woman] Dreaming and looking at funny papers will not make you a success in this world, Jono.
Who says I care to be?
That's what I'd like to know.
[Chittering]
[Laughing]
Who are you?
Mother Nature's only son, that's who.
And I want a word with you, Jonathan Quick.
How did you know my name?
Am I dreaming?
[Scoffs] Insult me not. 
I'm just as real as you are, more or less.
You despise that, don't you?
Wouldn't you rather just pitch it into the lake?
Well, do it then.
And tell them once and for all that doctoring just isn't for you.
But it'll break their hearts if I don't go to medical school.
It's all my pop's ever talked about since I was two years old.
What about your heart?
Isn't that worth listening to?
Who knows? 
All I really wish is that they'd give me some time to be a kid.
[Chuckling] An aspiration I most heartily applaud.
Cling to the child in you for as long as you possibly can.
[Chuckling]
If hard work is such an almighty virtue, then why do you suppose so many folks drop dead doing it, eh?
And try to deny this, gossoon:
All that earning money does is make you want to earn more.
Hm. 
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
There's doctors a-plenty in this world.
What we could truly do with is a few more dreamers.
Yeah. 
But you can't make a living out of dreaming, you know.
Are you so all-fired sure, gossoon?
I've looked into the future, you know.
And believe me, it's quite ridiculous.
Now, listen to me.
You hang onto those things nearest and dearest to your heart, and believe me, you'll be richer than any lawyer or doctor or businessmen you'll ever meet.
It sounds swell. 
But how?
Quit bumping your gums and let me explain.
Now, first of all, you'll need a car.
Notjust any car.
But make sure it's something that suits your style.
And when it comes to clearing out your room, make sure you never throw away anything that you love, not even if your mother insists on it.
There's treasures galore in there.
- Honest?
- You better believe it.
Listen to Mother Nature.
Keep watching the squirrels.
It's not by accident they survive.
Lag behind long enough, gossoon, and you'll find the world will have to catch up with you.
[Chuckling]
I'm Mother Nature's only son.
I speak a simple truth.
The world needs dreamers.
The world needs dreamers.
[Echoing] Dreamers. 
Dreamers. 
Dreamers.
[Man] Your 1938 Cavalcade of Hits.
Buddy Long and his Mellow Men of Music.
[Door Closes]
Jono, is that you?
Yes, Mama.
We're in the living room, dear.
There's dinner in the oven for you.
It won't take but a minute to warm it.
No time. 
I'm late already.
I'm closing up Mr. Bieler's drugstore for him tonight.
Did you know his daughter Sandy's getting hitched?
But you worked all day at the mill.
Aren't you dog-dead tired?
I'm all right.
Besides, Bieler's paying me extra 'cause it's such short notice.
[Chuckles] So it's that kind of a wedding, is it?
Elmer, not in front of the child.
I've got a surprise...
for both of you.
In fact, how about I take us all out to lunch tomorrow? 
My treat.
We'd love it.
[Laughing]
I wonder what bit that boy.
Since he's gotten out of school he's been workin' nonstop.
He must almost have saved his medical school tuition by now.
Well, it does this old man proud to see how he's turned out.
Well, he's quite a boy.
Now, if I could just get him to clean up his room.
[Mother Nature's Son] And when it comes to cleaning out your room, remember, never ever throw anything away that you love, not even if your mother insists on it.
There's treasures galore in there.
[Chuckles]
Hey, gossoon.
Quit scratching.
It never killed anyone to put on a clean shirt.
What for?
By the time I go to work, it'll be dirtier than the one I took off.
It's not as if you're doing the laundry around here.
He's taking us out.
Don't you want to look at least halfway decent?
He didn't even give you a hint to what this is all about?
Not a clue.
But I'm sure he's going to tell us he's been accepted at college.
What else could it possibly be?
[Brakes Squeaking, Horn Honking]
Oh, my Lord!
[Man On Radio]
That brings up Dave Cooper?
0-4 today, batting.291.
The right fielder's stepping in, crouching down, Miller taking the sign.
Hiya, Pop.
Swing and a miss!
[Door Opens, Closes]
[Elmer] I'm tired of coming home to the house and finding he still hasn't got a job.
[Woman] It's only a phase, Elmer.
[Elmer] It's more than that and you know it.
He's going to be fine.
You know what a hard worker he is.
[Elmer] Was! 
Was!
A hard worker he was!
That side ofhim is dead and buried.
[Man On Radio, Continues] ... trailing by 1, might get something going here.
Aren't you ever going to work again, Jono?
Why? 
I'm happy.
Don't you care that you're killing your father?
He's killing himself.
Mama, I'm very sorry.
He's gotten his dreams confused with mine.
What's to become of you?
Waxing this thing and sitting under trees will not put food on your table.
Don't worry?
Don't worry?
Of course I worry!
Are you crazy?
How could I not worry, will you tell me that?
I want you out of here now.
I supported you and your cockamamy plans and schemes long enough. 
No more.
You cause us nothing but aggravation.
I'm throwing you out ofhere tonight.
- Elmer, no!
- He was a no-good, lazy child, and now he's a no-good, lazy adult.
Throwing his tuition away on this car, collecting garbage in his room like thejunk man downtown.
You're nothing but a bum, and I want you out of my house.
[Door Opens, Closes]
[Sighs]
You'll see.
I'll do just fine.
[Engine Starts]
There's doctors a-plenty in this world.
What we truly need is a few more dreamers.
You're on your way, gossoon.
[Chuckling]
[Children Laughing, Chattering]
[Engine Sputtering]
Hello.
Hey, wait.
[Chuckles]
I won't hurt you.
What are your names?
Elizabeth.
What a marvelous name.
I was in love with a circus lady once named Elizabeth.
- I wanted to run away and be with her always.
- [Giggling]
[Sighs] But she was in love with the strongman.
Hey, what are you doing with my kids?
- Well, nothing, sir, I was?
- He was telling us a story.
- A circus story.
Well, forget the stories.
They're a waste of time.
- Is this your place?
- I live here.
Then I've got some bad news for you, mister.
I'm Paul Treadwell, Boon Development Corporation.
We just bought this land and we're gonna put up a resort here.
So, uh, you'll just have to move on.
Where am I supposed to go?
Well, seeing as how it wasn't your property in the first place, really isn't any of my concern, is it?
[Wind Howling]
[Sighs] Ha!
- Hi-ho, gossoon.
[Laughing] 
- You!
What happened to that sweet-faced Don Quixote I used know, eh?
You're what happened to me.
You ruined my life.
I'd like to wring your stubby little neck!
Ooh-hoo! 
You're a beaut, you are.
I made no promises I did not keep.
This is the wonderful world you promised?
You did not wish to work.
You have not.
You said I'd be rich, richer than any lawyer or doctor I'd ever know.
So I did.
But "rich" is a relative term.
But I have nothing!
No family.
No friends.
[Laughing]
[Laughing Continues]
[Snickering] You have your treasures.
They're not treasures!
- Ow!
- They are nothing more than a collection ofjunk, worthless old memories of a wasted life!
[Laughing] Whee!
[Sighs]
That's your father talking, gossoon.
I know.
It's just a damn shame... it took me so long to listen.
[Woman] DFairy tales can come true dlt can happen to you dif you're young at heart
dFor it's hard, you will find to be narrow of mind dif you're young at heart
d You can go to extremes with impossible schemes d You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams dAnd life gets more exciting
[Horns Honking]
[Man] Where'd you learn how to drive?
[Man On Radio] ... perfect timing and that goes out to Carol Anne and her sweetheart Mike... out there in North Las Vegas.
Well, you better get out them umbrellas, neighbors, 'cause according to the old weather forecast... we're gonna have thundershowers this evening... and on in to the early morning hours.
[Continues]
It's, uh, here.
Get this off.
Just?
Get outta here, you bum.
No.
Wait. 
Please.
One moment.
I can pay you with these pennies.
There must be $10 in here.
I plan to get me one last tank of gas... and take a fast drive off the edge of Hoover Dam.
Yeah, right.
Don't you think I got anything better to do than to count your flippin' pennies?
[Sobs]
Excuse me, sir.
I'm awfully sorry to bother you, but...
I haven't been able to take my eyes off that exquisite mug of yours.
Is it a Toby?
Uh...
Ooh.
Actually, I?
I don't rightly have any idea.
It was a gift... from my dear, dear grandmama.
God rest her soul.
Do you mind if I have a look at it?
[Sighs]
I can hardly believe it.
I've been collecting these all of my life.
I don't think I've ever seen one like this.
Would you ever consider parting with it?
How much?
I'm prepared to give you 10 right here on the spot.
Yeah.
Well, I suppose I could have myself one last sumptuous meal.
If it brings such pleasure to a lady so lovely,
I say, certainly. 
Why not?
Ohh! 
I'm? 
I'm going to return to Las Vegas... and I will drive back with a cashier's check for $10,000.
Ten, uh, thousand?
I hope you don't feel cheated?
Oh, no!
[Chuckling]
It's a treasure!
A wonderful treasure, indeed.
Holy Moly!
1 939 Marvel Mystery number one.
I know a guy in New York gave $35,000 for one of these.
It was nowhere nearly in this kind of shape.
Oh, no!
Do you know what this is?
It's the Action Comic that has the very first Superman in it.
Worth 20,000, easy.
[Jonathan] For comic books?
Collectors go out of their minds for this kind of stuff.
David, come check this out.
It's in the original box.
Old Man Cundey would give 3,000 or $4,000 for this, easy.
Jerry, is that a Hometown?
[Sighs]
I want this for myself.
I'll tell you what, friend, toys and comics for 200,000.
Flat deal for the whole package, right here, right now. 
You in?
You bet I am.
Ladies and gentlemen, the next item from theJonathan Quick Collection... is this 1931 photograph of Lefty Grove, the American League M.V.P. In that fine year.
A photograph made remarkable not by its subject... as much as by its photographer.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is a Paul Strand original print on platinum paper.
A very beautiful and rare item indeed.
We will begin the bidding at $ 10,000.
Ten thousand from Mr. Brown.
The bid is 10,000.
Do I hear 12?
I think, perhaps, at the very least, I owe you a drink.
I don't believe you owe me anything, but I? 
I accept.
You do? 
What an honor.
Jonathan Quick.
Francine Guzzetta.
[Man] Sold! 
For $ 15,000!
The next item in your catalog is Mr. Quick's 1932 Auburn, which has been in his possession since 1938... and is, as you can see, in mint condition.
We will begin the bidding at $200,000.
Two hundred thousand from the gentleman on the stairs.
The bid is 200,000.

What's the matter with you Boycie?
You don't seem you're old self tonight, You ain't cheated once.
No, sorry Trigger, I'm just a bit down, that's all.
I mean, you don't know what it's like to have a wife who cannot have children.
I've tried to console her. 
I've said 'Marlene, God didn't mean you to have kids, so shut up about it.
'Doesn't seem to help.
I'd like to be someone's dad.
We're down for another going over at the bloody hospital next week.
I mean, embarrassing ain't the word.
I'm sure they do half those tests just for a giggle.
I mean, she's the one with the problem, why have I gotta go?
I never knew who my dad was.
I heard your mum weren't that sure.
You're out of order Mike.
She knew who my dad was...roughly.
Now, come off it Trigger.
I've seen your birth certificate at school!
What did your mum put down under father's name?
...Long time ago weren't it?
What did she put down under father's name?
'Some Soldiers!
' Well maybe that's where I get my military bering from!
Oh yeah? 
Well go'n do a counter-attack then!
Where's Del Boy tonight then?
- He's gone to the Zoo.
- He's gone to the...
- Don't ask.
- Right then, I'm off now Mickey.
Yeah, I'll see yer later Amanda. 
Here doll, treat yourself to a chinky, yeah.
Cor, cheers Mick. 
I'll give you a bell in the week.
Seems like a nice girl Mickey!
Yeah well! 
You know how it is Mike, every so often a person fancies a bit of rough!
And she picked you?
Oh that's a joke innit? 
I remember you said something funny a couple of years ago!
Alright Mick?
- Alright Rodney, what you having?
- Oh, um, 'alf a lager please, ta.
'Ere y'are Mike, make that a big pint!
Oi, oi, what have you been up to then?
I'm working for Boycie ain't I!
Delivering, picking up.
He's in the video game in a big way. 
Pirates, naughties, all that!
And it's cash in hand, no questions, sweet as a nut!
Where you been, out on the knocker?
No, I've just come back from me evening class ain't I?
You know I told you we'd applied for an Arts Council grant? 
We got it!
Never!
Yeah, straight up!
Mr Stevens, right, he's head of our art group, got confirmation this morning.
We got ten thousand pounds to make a local community film.
And we've got all the equipment, everything - and guess who's in charge of the project?
You're putting me on!
No, straight up, it's me.
What I've got to do, you see,
I've gotta come up with the idea and then delegate the various responsibilities to all the other students.
Yeah, well put me in won't you? 
I'm a member of your art class aren't I?
Oh come off it Mickey, you only came one night - and that's only cos I told you we had a nude model.
Yeah, well I thought it would be a bird. 
You've gotta write it Rodney?
Well, you're a natural when it comes to the written word.
I'll never forget that thing you wrote some years back. 
What was it called?
The Indictment.
That's it, The Indictment, yeah.
That would have made a terrific book you know. 
Why didn't you send it to the publisher?
I'll be perfectly honest with you Mickey.
I couldn't think of a single publisher who could understand what I was saying.
Yeah, it was a bit strange weren't it?
- Alright Rodders?
- Hello Del, what you having?
What am I having?
A bleeding' hard time with this moaner, here.
I shouldn't be humping bales of hay around at my time of life.
Bales of hay?
You see, Abdul's cousin's girlfriend's brother's mate, right, he's a gamekeeper down at one of these private Zoos!
And Monkey Harris's sister's husband's first wife's stepfather, right, he works for an animal food company.
So, put the two together and what you got - a nice little earner.
Don't wanna worry you but I think you've got something nesting in there, old son.
Up yer shirt!
Hang on. 
I'll see you in a minute.
While you've been poncing around at yer soppy art class I've had to unload two tons of hay!
Oh, poncing around, is that what you call it?
Well, for your information, this evening I was commissioned to make a film!
Leave it out Dave, I wouldn't leave you to make a jelly!
I have heard rumours Mickey Mouse wears a Rodney Trotter wristwatch!
- It's true.
- I love it, Boycie.
I'm telling you! 
I've got all the equipment, and everything!
I'm writing it and...and Mickey Pearce is directing!
You what...
Mickey Pearce directing. 
He couldn't direct a sea gull to the coast him.
He's got experience in films!
What, that Saturday-morning job at the photographic counter at Boots?
Leave it out Rodney. 
Anyway, you couldn't write a film script.
I mean, what was that book that you wrote, what was it called The Indikment,
I mean that never got published did it, eh?
No, 'cos you chucked it down the bloody chute!
Yes that's right, because I didn't want to see you disappointed!
It was a bloody stupid story - no murders in it or nothing!
It was an indictment of a failing system weren't it?
Alright, it was a first effort so it probably didn't have the same social impact as, say, Cathy Come Home!
It didn't have the same social impact as Lassie Come Home!
This film you're making Rodney - anyone in it we know?
I tell you what, all them birds are in it for a start, look.
That's a shred move on your part Rodney.
You're the writer, Mickey's the director. 
So he gets the casting couch and you get the Biro!
'Ey up there, here you are Oscar, quick, mind out - I've got a present for you. 
There y'are.
- What is it?
- Close your eyes.
- Oh come on Del!
- Now, come on, close yer eyes!
I bet Tom Stoppard don't have to put up with all this!
Alright, come on then open 'em. 
Well? 
There you are.
It's a typewriter, innit?
You see that Albert, he recognised it straight away, that's the author in him!
Well, come on Rodney, come on, let's get going boy.
You'll soon have that old screenplay knocked out now won't you my son? 
Go on, there.
It's er...it's old isn't it?
They made stuff to last in them days. 
That is quality Rodney.
Look at that crest, by royal appointment.
- Oh yeah...
Victoria Regina!
- Well go'n.
- What?
- Well go on, try it.
It's very faint Del, innit?
Well you gotta hit it harder than that Rodney - have another go.
It's still faint.
Well, you've gotta give it a good whack haven't ya. 
Here, I'll show ya, look.
There y'are, there y'are, that's a bit better, look.
Yeah that's great, thanks a lot.
- Away you go then.
- Away I go what?
Well, you know, you know, start the old typing.
Yeah, be creative.
Be creat... 
I can't just be creative at the drop of a hat can I?
There are certain things a writer needs before he can actually start writing. 
Like a story!
You ain't even got a story?
Not exactly, I've only been trying for a couple of days, ain't I?
Listen, I've got an idea for a story and it's a bloody good 'un an' all! 
D'you wanna hear it?
No...
Not really Del.
Oh that's charming innit?
You buy him a brand-new typewriter and come up with a story for him, and what thanks d'you get?
I'll tell you what thanks get Albert, no sodding thanks, that's the thanks I get!
Alright, tell me yer story then!
No, no, don't bother yourself Rodney, please. 
I was only tryin' to help you!
Oh now, come on, honestly Del, seriously, I'd like to hear your story...
Well, I need a bit of help, don't I?
Right, okay, now this is a Jaws-type story.
Jaws? 
Jaws has been done though.
I know it's been done! 
But this is different. 
It's called...
There's a Rhino Loose in the City!
There's a Rhi... 
Loose In...
As in rhinoceros?
That's right. 
There's a Rhino Loose in the City!
What's it about Del?
Well, it's about this rhinoceros right, escapes from the zoo and it heads straight for London!
And after two or three days they find like all these dead bodies lying about and no-one knows who's done it!
So, they get hold of this private detective, you know, like a sort of Charlton Heston type geezer to try and solve the crime.
Now the zoo keeper happens to be a very attractive woman.
Before you know where you are, old Charlton is giving the sort what for, so that's yer romantic interest!
A rhinoceros?
Yeah! 
But they don't know it's missing!
But how can you not know?
If you've got a rhinoceros right and one day it ain't there - well, you tend to know it's missing!
Don't be a plonker all yer life Rodney.
She ain't got one rhinoceros, she probably had two or three rhinoceroses!
And how's he escape?
Squeezed through the bars most probably!
Now don't you start getting saucy with me Rodney.
I'm only trying to help you.
I don't believe this! 
Nobody knows it's escaped?
What about the eight million people living in London?
Don't none of them spot it?
Yes! 
But the ones who spot it - they're the ones who get trampled to death!
And what about all the others?
The people in offices, the people in cafes, the people sitting on top of buses! 
It's a rhino Del.
- He only comes out at night!
- What is it, a vampire rhino?
No it is not a vampire rhino.
That is stupid that is, innit eh?
And where does he live during the day?
In a lock-up garage in a back street!
What, he's leasing it is he?
He's not leasing it. 
It's a disused garage in a back street where no one ever goes!
The detective does find it, only it's at night!
And the rhino's gone out?
That's right see, so you see the old detective is nowhere near solving the mystery.
You see what it is Rodney, not only is it a love story! 
It's a whodunit!
An whodunit? 
What do you mean an whodunit? 
We know who-dun-it! 
The rhino done it!
Yes, I know that, we - we the audience know that, but they don't know - the actors do they?
This is something! 
A rhinoceros has escaped from a zoo!
There are 300 dead bodies covered in rhinoceros footprints!
There's a lockup garage two and 'arf foot deep in rhinoceros crap and Charlton Heston suspects the butler!
I do admit there are one or two teething snags!
But it's got all the essential qualities of a hit hasn't it.
I mean, it's got suspense, lots of killings and a bit of humpty dumpty!
I mean, look, this is a disaster movie!
Disaster? 
It's a calamity Del!
Why is he killing people?
Well, what d'you want him to be a social worker?
Well, he's a man-eater ain't he?
No, no, rhinoceroses aren't carnivorous! 
They're vegetarian!
Alright, so we elbow the lock-up garage and we make him hide in the back of an health food shop!
And he won't head for the city neither.
But he's gotta head for the city so that he can kill lots of people!
Yeah that's right!
No, his natural habitat would be open country.
Alright, so what are you suggesting?
We call the film There's a Rhino Loose Somewhere Out in the Sticks Where No Sod Lives?
You don't call the likes of Charlton Heston in 'cos something's eating carrots!
I think it's a good idea Del.
- Thank you very much Albert.
- Yeah, well I'll pass!
Alright, alright, I just wanted to put an idea in your head that was all.
I wish it'd been a bleedin' bullet now!
Del, I've only got a small budget, ain't I?
But that's the beauty of it Rodney.
I know where there's a rhinoceros going cheap!
Yeah, alright Chas, I'll knock out that stuff for you tomorrow night. 
Eh?
Um, not sure whether we'll be wanting the rhino now.
We won't.
Alright, listen I'll give you a bell tomorrow Chas. 
Tata mate.
Oi Tony, come on, where's that grub - we've been waiting 'alf hour.
There's something I wanted to catch on the telly, the Epilogue.
Wha' you order?
Look I told you, two chicken and rice and one Spanish omelette.
Two chicken rice, one Spanish omerette.
Can't even speak the lingo can he?
Well, how are you getting on with your story then?
Well I have the kernel of an idea! 
I'm just waiting for it to develop somewhat.
It's what writers call the gestation period.
- And what do you call it?
- Stop it, stop your winding up you.
And where's your director then Rodney?
He's acquainting himself with the video camera and all the equipment.
Yeah. 
He's down the Town Hall filming a wedding.
What d'you mean he's down the Town Hall filming a wedding?
Well, well you see what happened was, I went down the Town Hall and around a few churches taking notes of the banns.
Then I contacted the brides and asked them if they'd like their happiest day recorded on film for 50 quid a throw!
I don't believe you're doing this to me!
Well look Rodney, that Mickey Pearce has gotta practice with that camera ain't he?
He's gotta work out how to focus it and all that.
You know, why not earn while yer learn!
That's what I say. 
Anyway, Boycie nicks all them tapes from Boycie, don't he, eh?
But Del, this is an opportunity for me and all you're doing is making money out of it!
It'll be alright because he's only got five or six weddings to do, two or three christenings and he's finished.
But that camera is council property!
- Yeah, so is the Town Hall.
- Yeah see, there you go!
You're just abusing the trust shown in me, ain't yer.
Iwill you shut up you tart! 
Look, here is your share.
I don't want it.
Oh well, please yourself. 
It goes back in the...
Alright, just this once!
Don't do me no favours Rodney!
Will ya, eh?
You've got a nerve...
Well, that's shut you up for a good while though innit Boycie!
I keep telling you Marlene, them doctors don't know everything!
They're a bunch of chancers that's all.
Good afternoon, I phoned an order through earlier, Mr Boyce.
- Oh yes, I go see.
- Thank you.
All those bloody tests I've had!
And what about all the bloody tests I've...
Oh, good afternoon Derek. 
I didn't realise you and your family were dining out.
Oh yes, I like to treat 'em once in a while, keep the moral up.
Hello darling, how are you?
Hey, is my little godson in there yet?
No he ain't! 
And he ain't likely to be with him around!
Marlene bloody nuffing!
All these years you've said it was my fault we couldn't have kids!
They've just discovered there's nothing wrong with me - it's him.
Ain't it bleeding' fair eh?
What's the matter then Boycie? 
You ain't a noofter are you?
See that you've started now Marlene?
Even the doctors ain't allowed to discuss this outside the confines of the laboratory.
And you're holding a public debate in a Chinese take-away.
He's got what the doctors call a low count.
Don't want to buy a calculator do you Boyce?
- What's it mean?
- Nothing!
It means he's been firing more blanks than the Territorials!
You happy now Marlene?
- My Boyce, prawn balls?
- Yes thank...
Yes, thank you very much.
It's our anniversary next Friday. 20 years, Gawd, that's something to celebrate innit?
Anyway, we've hired the pub and you're all invited.
Oh lovely, we'll be there sweetheart.
Well, come along then Marlene.
Yeah alright, oh Rodney is that right you're making a film?
You know I used to act a bit when I was younger.
Actually someone once said that I had a promising career in films.
Yeah, then talkies come along and ruined it! 
Let's go Marlene!
Tara Marlene. 
Bye bye Boycie.
What about that then? 
Old Boycie being a Jaffa.
- A Jaffa?
- Yeah, you know, seedless!
I could use Boycie's problem as a theme for my film couldn't I.
Because that hospital they attend, that's one of the leading centres for genetic research, artificial insemination and all that. 
That's quite interesting?
Oh yeah, on the edge of yer seat stuff that - yeah.
Have you thought any more about the rhino story?
Del, I am not doing a film about a blood-sucking rhinoceros and a divvy detective!
No, that hospital interests me though.
I don't reckon they should be allowed to do it - freezing things and all that.
They're messing around with nature.
No, they're not messing around with nature are they?
They're assisting nature!
See, 'cos they only freeze the ova, or eggs, right, until they are ready to be fertilised, right, and then thy get the egg and well they sort of mix...
There's this geezer...
Oi, oi, I've ordered an omelette 'ere.
Yeah, yeah. 
Do you know what I reckon, in a few years time, young married couples wanting to start a family, they won't go to the doctors, they'll nip down the road to Bejams!
- Everything alright Rodney?
- No, the T and the A are missing.
Well it's no problem is it?
Well it is if you wanna write words like 'at'!
You'll find a way round it, I've got faith in you, I really have.
Anyway, how are you coming on? 
Can I have a read, or something?
No you can't! 
It's not finished yet!
Oh alright. 
What's this, just a minute.
What's this red mark up here, is that something technical is it?
No, one of my fingers started bleeding!
Never mind, you'll be alright.
Hey! 
I tell you what, your movie ain't 'alf caused a stir round here!
You'd be surprised how many actors and actresses live locally.
I don't mean - you know, like professionals, I mean a lot of new, fresh, untapped talent!
Well, I made a list for yer, there you are.
You're not suggesting I use all these people in my film?
Just extras Rodney, just extras. 
Never mind the quantity think about the quality!
I'm thinking about the money Del!
I did say, well a tenner a day.
I can't afford to pay 'em a tenner a day!
No, they pay us a tenner a day.
You're just exploiting people again ain't yer?
No I am not Rodney. 
I've given 'em your word now.
Well you had no right to!
Alright here's your share.
There you go, look.
And they're just extras?
Just extras, that's all.
By the way, there's a list here of local businesses you might like to mention.
The Seventh Heaven Sauna Parlour?
Yeah, just a mention, something like 'The nice relaxing atmospheric, nice and friendly service.'
You know what I mean? 
Oh, is the undertaker's down there?
- No.
- Oh well bear it in mind, will yer?
Del, why are you doing this to me? 
I had high hopes when I started this project!
Mr Stevens said if it was good enough he'd show it at the National Film Theatre.
What's the matter with you, you're earning ain't yer?
Look, listen I've gotta shoot, I've got another client to meet. 
It might mean another booking...
'Ere, talking about that...what is a 'natural birth'?
Never mind 
- I'll find out myself.
Albert, d'you wanna lift?
Yeah, I'll be with you in a minute son.
Well come on, come on shift yourself I ain't got all night you know. 
See you later.
Smile, you're on Candid Camera.
Alright, listen, I might have another booking for you later on. 
I'll give you a bell, alright.
Alright Rodney?
No it's not alright! 
This is getting out of hand!
Look!
What is it, a petition?
No, that's our cast list!
And this is a list of all the shops and businesses we've gotta advertise.
- He forgot the undertakers!
- You mean you knew about it?
Well it's good business Rodney!
Right, I'm off out now Rodney.
- I'll get it.
- Look it's gotta stop Mickey!
We're promoting shops and businesses, ain't we?
We've got more extras than Ben Hur there.
- Watcha babe. 
This is Amanda.
- It's a what?
Amanda. 
I'm taking her out for a drink tonight so I asked her round here so you could make her a nice cup of coffee. 
Alright Rodney.
Yeah, okay.
- D'you take sugar?
- Two please.
Mickey, could I have a moment of your time please.
What's up?
Why is she wearing a nurse's uniform?
She's just come off duty!
Oh yeah. 
You must think I've just come off a banana boat! 
What are yer playing at?
Look, I've been delivering these films for Boycie ain't I, so I know where I can sell 'em.
We've got all this equipment, why waste it? 
We can cut the middle-man out!
I'd like to cut your liver out. 
You are not making any films in this flat.
Understand? 
Both of you?
Alright Rodney, no need to get out yer pram about it.
Sit down. 
I'll make you a cup of coffee then you can both hit the road.
What's happening? 
What the bloody hell's happening?
I've got a cast of thousands, I've got more advertising than Pearl and Dean and now Mickey wants to make Emmanuelle in Peckham. 
Oh, this is a bloody nightmare...
Now Rodney, Rodney...
Calm down...
Deep breaths...
Nice 'n' easy does it...
- Night Nurse Take One.
- Night Nurse Take One?
That's the way baby. 
Let it slip to the ground.
Mickey...
You better not be doing...
Oh no Mickey. 
No, get her to put 'em back! 
Oh bloody hell!
Hold 'em up. 
That's it. 
Move 'em about a bit.
Oh hurry up Mickey love.
Boycie, he don't like smiling for too long.
Okay everybody, that's a wrap.
I wasn't ready for that one.
- Happy anniversary.
- Happy anniversary dear.
Oi, vicar get a move on.
We've got that christening to do in 20 minutes.
Yes, I'll be with you in just a moment Mickey.
Alright, I'll wait for you down the church then. 
Alright Rodney?
- Shut up!
- Please yerself!
Here we go Rodney, my son, there is your share, alright?
I don't like this Del, you know I don't like this. 
Ta.
Here Del, we're slipping out to the back room.
- Alright?
- Right, good Mike, yeah.
- Hi Rodney.
- Alright Mike.
Of all the bars in all the world and you had to walk into mine.
You in my film as well Mike are yer?
Yeah, just a little cameo role son. 
I'll see you in a minute.
Come on Rodney. 
Come on Albert.
It all seems to be going rather well.
Oh yeah, it's very nice innit vicar?
I married the happy couple all those years ago.
Of course, I had hoped by now that the Good Lord would have blessed their union with an offspring or two.
But if it's not to be...
Well I heard that because of the precarious state of the world,
Boycie and Marlene had decided against starting a family.
Oh really? 
I heard that Boycie was a Jaffa.
Tell me, is it true that you're making a film Rodney?
Oh yeah. 
We got an Arts Council grant.
I er...
I was talking with Derek earlier...
I'll give you a bell when we start shooting vicar.
Thank you my boy.
Alright - everyone got a drink have they?
Even the vicar's in on it Del.
- What you want to drink?
- Give us a beer.
Here. 
Go on then my son.
- Watcha Dave.
- Alright Trigger.
- You dirty rat!
- Oh, this is getting bloody stupid.
Alright gentlemen, would you like to settle down.
If you'd like to take your seats.
Come on, here we go.
The Boycie Video and Leisure Arts Company is proud to present the British Premiere of Night Nurse from the novel by Enid Blyton.
Ooh, that was a bit unexpected innit?
Here look at that one. 
I've got no sympathy for her, look.
No, no, Del that's gotta be special effects.
No that's real. 
No stop - it's starting proper now.
Where do they get these grotty flats to film in?
'Ere I've seen that bird before somewhere.
Go on girl, let's have a look.
'Oh dear, I am tired I've just come back from nursing.'
One of those would do me a week.
Hello, who's got her ear muffs off now...
It was nothing to do with me Del. 
It was a Mickey Pearce production!
Mickey Pearce. 
You wait till I get my hands on him.
I'm 'gonna shove that camera 'alf a mile up his nostril!
Rodney, didn't you have any idea what you were getting yourself into?
I thought Boycie wouldn't be too pleased you know, someone muscling in on his business and that.
God. 
Boycie. 
Boycie's not the one that worries me.
It's his partners that are giving me grief.
D'you know who's backing him in this, only the Driscoll Brothers that's all.
- Have you heard of 'em?
- No.
No. 
Well let's hope they haven't heard of you.
Now I'm gonna see if I can save your knees and make sure they stay in the same place.
Now I'm stuffing this down the khazi, you stay there.
Del, I promise nothing like this will ever happen again 
- I promise.
Hello Rodney? 
Alright for a cup of coffee?
- Oh yes, do come in Mickey.
- I brought a few friends with me.
Oh yes.
Pearcie! 
I want a ruddy word with you.
Hello? 
Oh Mr Stevens, hi!
Yeah, yeah and have you had a chance to read it? 
Great.
Well what do you think? 
And please be truthfully blunt with me.
Okay, yes, ah ha!
Yes well that's truthfully blunt innit Mr Stevens.
Yes, there are a lot of characters in it, yes, but all vital to the theme I thought.
Yes, well, I actually wanted to write a film that not only dealt with the contemporary issues but also challenged some of the more widely held beliefs of modern youth!
No, that is no problem because my brother knows where he can get us a rhino, yeah!

Yeah?
Yeah. 
I'II be right down.
Dr. Onaman.
calling Dr. Onaman.
Dr. Benway.
calling Dr. Benway.
Cops pulled him off the beach twenty minutes ago.
Took four of us to get him on the bed.
Strung way out.
Can't even get eye contact.
It's like he thinks we're not even here.
His clothes were bIood-soaked.
cleaned him up.
Found a couple of Iacerations--
Is that French?
Sounds like it, but he's too fast for me.
pupils are constricted, pressure's up.
I'm sure it's PCP, but I can't get a needle into him.
If I try to sedate him, it could be a real mess.
You're new, and I'm sorry to put you on the spot... but if I sedate him without a neurology OK--
Your ass is secure, dear.
Just go find someone who speaks French.
Maybe a priest.
He's probably catholic.
well, what happened to you?
We stopped him going across the park by the palisades.
Get back!
Get back down there!
Stop it. 
He'II tear his wrists.
Do me a favor and wait outside.
You, too.
-But somebody's got to-- 
-Outside, OK?
Boy, you've been in quite a scrape, haven't you?
Quite a scrape.
What happened to you?
What happened?
It's OK. 
It's OK.
Are you all right?
Look out. 
Coming through.
Anyone else?
call for Dr. Rodriguez right away!
Be careful. 
Be careful.
gently, please. 
gently.
I guess he got me.
Jesus Christ, he's dead.
Makes tonight look like nursery school.
I'II pass, thanks.
This weekend I've got a date with my apartment.
Don't ever try and move and work at the same time.
That is what wives are for.
You gonna miss the East?
There are a Iot of university people, but...
But what?
I suppose they were more my husband's friends than mine.
At some level, this going-west business appeals to me.
Swab that, please, nurse.
You know what I do miss?
Trees. 
It's so barren.
You get the feeling that every bush has been installed.
It's like disneyland or something.
people don't realize... that this is a city built on a desert.
Just think of it as extended parking for the beach.
What?
hold on. 
Just a couple more, we'II be through.
On these hours, who gets to go to the beach?
Last one. 
There we go.
-Do you want it dressed? 
-Leave it uncovered.
How long have you been on duty?
Thirty-two hours.
Four more to go.
That's it, then.
You have had enough excitement for one night.
I want you to go home, get some sleep... and those are surgeon's orders.
Besides, you're too old for this career stuff.
You should be home... taking kids to get their teeth straightened.
See that, nurse? 
See that?
They turn 30 and everything is sex, sex, sex.
You need a tetanus booster?
Then get out of here and go home.
-Good night, Doctor.
-Go.
-Good night. 
Thanks.
-Good night.
I'II catch you later.
What'd he say, anyway?
Who?
The guy who jumped you.
What'd he say?
Nothing.
That's a pity.
Last thing a man says is supposed to be significant.
This is Dr. collins' office.
I'II try you at the hospital.
hello, Dr. flax, this is Mr. Hendricks... from the telephone company.
We'II have an installer in your area tomorrow...
What are you doing?
I thought it was funny, too.
No sense of humor.
This son of a bitch gets out of his car--
looks about fourteen years old... and he's got a beer belly aIready-- gets out of his car carrying a tire iron.
No kidding.
Honest.
What'd you do?
Got the hell out of there.
What the fuck else?
Fuck, there are more crazy, meshugina Iunatics--
What did you do at RadcIiffe, major in sailors?
I wish.
You know your nutcase from last night?
The lab report came back this morning.
No drugs.
adrenal residue enough to frizz a horse, but no dope.
I wonder what happened to him.
Looked like some creep off the beach, right?
Yeah.
The man was an anthropologist from UCLA... spoke half a dozen languages, lived all over the world... and was, apparently, a very famous individual.
Jesus.
What kind of people did he study?
I don't know.
This morning, I got a look at his wife.
She's this eIegant-Iooking redhead.
Just the opposite of what he looked like.
The crazy thing is they've only been in the country a week.
I got a minute flat to get to seven.
-walk in backwards.
-I tried that.
I promised I'd actually be there this time.
Hey, quit it.
Your lip.
If you don't quit chewing on it, it'II look like your ear.
eileen, are you OK?
Oh, sure.
Cassie, what does...
"N'y sont pas... sont des innois" mean?
Shit.
They are not there.
They are...
Sounds like a place. 
Why?
walking right now is the best thing for you.
Tomorrow I want to hear that you've been... right...
Dr. Stafford's on in the morning.
Do you want me to order a repeat EEG for her?
No.
The carpet's fine.
I Iike the color.
What?
The old carpet was yellow, but the owners didn't--
Doctor, I think we skipped...
Doctor?
The owner was only here for a little while... but they did a good deal to the house.
There's so many things.
For instance, the old carpet was yellow... and it didn't clean very well, so they put in all new ones.
The house is only four blocks from the beach.
And of course there's plenty of storage space.
obviously, I tried to convince the owners to stay here...
long enough to sell instead of rent... but apparently his transfer was pretty sudden... and they just upped and left.
What do you think?
I admit that science was not my strong suit... but anthropoIogy--that's bones and tombs and things.
No, no, no.
Nothing so dramatic.
My work is cultural.
At least it's warm, eh?
I...
I mostly watch people.
But I thought you were teaching here this fall.
Yes, I'm afraid that is so.
Listen to him.
The first civilized place we live in years... and already he's bored.
Goddamn freaks.
I'm fine. 
I'm fine!
Leave me alone! 
I'm fine!
Stop it! 
I'm fine.
Just fine.
What's he gotten into?
hold it, hold it.
I got the material, but you will have to help me... with the...
Curtain rod.
Curtain rod. 
Curtain rod.
I forget english faster than I learn.
It will come.
tell me.
Which one do you Iike best?
This one?
On you or the living room?
For the living room, this.
For when we live in the Land Rover, this.
I forgot about her.
Johnny?
You are not really bored, are you?
I'm looking I'm forward to it.
I'm looking forward to water we did not have to carry.
I am looking forward to working five-hour days.
I am going to get food in supermarket wrapped in plastic.
I am going to eat hamburger commes les Americains.
Mr. America.
Which one of these is you?
Where did you get that, Niki?
Give me that photograph!
Niki! 
Come here!
Give me the photograph.
Niki. 
Come, come.
Come, Niki...
We will mount it over the mantelpiece... commes les Americains!
Give it, give it, give it!
Your mother give it to me a Iong time ago.
It was in storage.
We had never a mantle to put it on.
I have given you a hard life?
No more.
No more.
We will be unpacking until October!
-I can't wait till October!
-You won't have to.
We have a new house.
We should pretend we are just married.
Don't give me presents, huh?
When we first marry, you were following seal hunters... and when you come home, you smell like them.
I don't smell like them now.
tell me I don't smell like them now.
Did you bring up the Iast two box, the dishes?
I will get them.
It's not necessary.
I will go.
My love.
I'm going. 
I'm going.
What are you doing?
We've got a hemorrhage here.
Niki, go upstairs.
Upstairs.
Niki, go, now, please.
"Parents find mutilated bodies of children."
"Parents who had moved here to begin a new life...
"returned to find that life seeping into..."
What?
They're attracted to the house.
What the hell is she talking about?
You're right. 
It's worse.
Judy, darling, would you see if you can dig me up... the night service number for Data general, please?
What do you got, fellas?
There's no evidence of trauma.
But I think we want to run another series in the morning.
Come on. 
What's going on?
It's fakacht.
We're getting screwy numbers.
We got to get the techies in there and rip it apart.
talk to me, Ted. 
Come on.
The first time was faint and only showed autonomic functions.
Then we started getting cortical propagation!
I don't understand.
Neither do we.
But this is brain function of a person who's wide awake.
Get Mrs. Lachman or whatever her name is--
Active. 
Hearing. 
Seeing.
walking around talking to people.
She just did say something in there... and it was in French.
And?
The crazy who jumped her the other night was a Frenchman.
So? 
She had a run-in with a crazy.
This city is full of crazies, guys.
They pull four bodies a day just off the freeways.
Listen to me.
I'II tell you what we'II do.
We'II put her in a room for the night... fix the equipment, run some tests...
What is funny about it?
There are some very strange people in this world.
What is that?
It is nothing.
It is nothing at all.
I promise.
Hey, come now.
Come, come, come.
Don't worry about it all.
I will repaint it in the morning.
What are you going to do about it?
What should I do?
call the police and say...
"children have painted my door, come quickly"?
I'm going to bed.
would you care to join me?
I don't think it was children.
children come in all shapes and sizes.
What kind of people would do that?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Come.
Let's go to bed, huh?
Is the door locked?
The door is locked, and the back door is locked... and the drawbridge, it is raised for the night.
If you want to worry, you can do it in the morning.
Tonight there are more important things to think about.
Is it October so soon?
nearly November.
The leaves are falling...
Yes...every little...
And the cold winds blow...
Are blowing.
And soon great shafts of ice will...
I Iike ice.
Bitch.
I am going to be Madame Pommier... wife du professeur avec Ie suntan.
And you should take care-- Where are you going?
I'm going to get a glass of wine.
Get me one, too.
Of course.
I'II be right back.
What kind of people?
I'm going out.
I can see that.
I won't be long.
I'm just going to go down the street.
What are you after?
Nothing. 
Something.
I don't know. 
I'm not sure.
We'II talk later, OK?
I really won't be long.
I promise.
Jean charles!
Keep the door locked.
What do you mean, she's gone?
I came in to check her and she wasn't in the bed... and I thought she was in the bathroom.
I only left forty fucking minutes ago!
Doctor, please.
We put her across from the nursing station deliberately.
We've searched the floor... we've got the security people... going through the rest of the building.
It's only a matter of time before we find her.
There's no way she could've gotten out of here... without one of us seeing.
Hey, stop!
Stop!
Stop, stop, stop!
I know about them.
That's why I went out.
I wanted to know what kind of peopIe--
will you stop?
will you stop?
I know about them !
I didn't tell you... because I wanted to know what kind of people... could think of a murder as some sort of shrine.
will you listen to me?
I spent 30 hours following people... who do not live anyplace.
Do not work anyplace.
I called the government, the state... their vehicle, it is not registered.
Why do you tell me this?
will you listen?
They're nomads.
What?
Nomads, yes.
Like all of them.
Like every place we've lived for the Iast ten years.
Here?
Here, now. 
In this city.
In the middle of a modern city.
They go from one party to the next... one restaurant, one gas station, one motel.
These people live in parking lots!
In 30 hours, they did not stop moving.
Don't you understand what I'm saying?
And I didn't call you...
I didn't tell you... because I didn't want to frighten you.
I should have called.
There was no reason.
Forgive me.
please, forgive me.
Forgive me.
I'm very tired.
Very tired.
None of this may mean anything.
None of it at all.
I may have simply...
But I may have found people who are living outside.
Outside any structure.
They do not participate.
No exchanges, no constraints.
They resort to violence at no provocation... and they get away with it.
It is as if to the official world... they did not exist.
I don't know.
You are a crazy man.
You know that?
I was so worried about you.
You look awful.
awful.
Why do you push yourself so hard?
You have not done this in a Iong time.
There is a roll of film I must see.
awful.
Phone's ringing.
She told me she was a doctor.
How am I supposed to know?
She is a doctor.
Yeah, hello?
Oh, Christ, she's got a machine!
Find the fucking machine!
Don't hang up! 
Hang on!
Yeah, hello?
Hi, eileen, I got the stuff--
No, this isn't EiIeen.
This is a friend who's been Iook--
eileen isn't in at the moment.
Can I take a message?
Sorry, she called me--
You spoke to her?
She called yesterday.
She asked about something and I wanted to get back to her.
Have you got a pencil?
Yeah, go ahead.
tell her that "des innois" is not a place.
At least not one we could find... and no one around here seemed to think... it had anything to do with anthropology.
There was, however--
eileen asked you about this?
There was, however, an Eskimo word--Inuat.
It's pretty farfetched.
Look, I'm sorry...
I shouldn't impose all this on you.
Have EiIeen call me--
No! 
Where are you?
Are you here?
Pardon me?
Where are you?
Are you out here?
I'm in Boston. 
Why?
Just tell me.
I'II get the gist for her.
Do you mind?
No. 
It's apparently some sort of nomad myth.
It has to do with wandering in the desert.
You said it was Eskimo.
It's all the same.
Nomads live in deserts... whether it's a desert of ice or sand... doesn't make any difference.
The Eskimos spend a good deal of time wandering on the ice.
Looks like she's been packing.
-And the Inuat...
-Another one over here.
Look in the bathroom and see if her toiletries are there.
I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.
Nothing. 
I'm sorry.
And the Inuat were?
They were supposedly hostile spirits.
According to the myth... they were capable of assuming human form.
They...
Wait a second.
"Thought to inhabit places of past calamity.
"They brought disaster and madness...
"to any humans who fell in with them.
"only a myth, of course...
"but observers well into the 20th Century...
"marked how cautiously older Eskimo...
"approached strangers on the ice."
hello?
That's all we could find, I'm afraid.
I don't know if that answers her question or not.
Anyway, tell her we all miss her... and if she gets tired of all that sunshine... she's welcome back, all right?
Yeah. 
I'II tell her.
They're not there.
They're Inuat.
-charlie say anything, did she?
-No.
Crap.
Crap. 
It's crap.
double crap.
middle of the night listening to bullshit nonsense.
It's not my own life.
Honest to God. 
Jesus.
Shit.
Crazy son of a bitch!
I have a light here if you prefer.
They've shut off the power at this end of the building.
It's only a small savings, of course.
But then again, in my case it's also... a small sacrifice.
I keep this lantern for visitors.
There have been few of those of late.
Forgive me, please.
Forgive me for being so rude.
I did not think that--
You'II be forgiven for thinking the building abandoned.
Yes--yes, I did.
The handyman has, Iike so much of the world... grown somewhat lax.
It wasn't always like this, of course.
But with only me here, I suppose it's a small matter.
You are here alone?
I'II be following the others, eventually.
For now, I have been left here to look after things.
Though I'm not certain they saw the humor in it.
Oh, dear, now I'm being rude.
You may call me BertriI.
How do you do?
Mr. Pommier, yes.
Won't you have tea?
I haven't any lemon.
I trust that's all right.
They're usually so regular... about sending the boy around with groceries.
I can't imagine what happened.
But perhaps I've got the days muddIed again.
Not that way, Mr. Pommier.
In here, if you will.
You know about them, don't you?
There are places with pasts, Pommier.
places with secrets.
Things...collect.
You just looked too closely.
Most people are luckier.
They never know that a certain percentage... of what they see is not there.
But the problem now is not what you know... it's what they know.
You.
They know about you.
Go away, Pommier.
Leave your house and change your job.
Go and hide yourself.
You can still survive this... but you must not try to fight them.
Listen to me.
If you've never run... from anything in your life, run from this.
They're leading you into another world.
They're not real.
They can't do anything.
They brought you here, Pommier.
What was this place?
What happened here?
You must leave now.
Don't pursue this.
It won't end with you.
Go, do as I say.
For the sakes of those you'II lead them to.
I'm dreaming.
Just dreaming.
I'm just dreaming.
Very bad, very bad.
Tired...just tired.
What are you looking at?
You come up here late last night.
You seemed very ill.
You also seemed to know a Iot about my husband.
What is it?
I'm...embarrassed.
You sleep on the couch.
You were with my husband when he's dead, no?
I am Veronique Pommier.
I know your name, Niki.
I know! 
I've seen!
No, rest calm.
You're just tired.
Why don't we go out today and be like tourists?
No, I don't want to go!
Don't make me go!
Don't leave me!
It goes forever.
No! 
I don't want to go!
please stay away from me.
please! 
please!
Go where?
Where don't you want to go?
He tried to tell me something!
I couldn't understand!
He screamed--
His whole memory is in my head and I--
I don't understand.
I don't know what he wants.
They're hounding him... and I don't know what he wants.
Who is doing that?
He thinks they're Inuat.
That is what he meant.
How do you know this?
I was so frightened last night.
You were shaking.
Did you ever have a dream and not know when it started?
The old man on Atavak used to tell a tale... of the dangers of travelling far... of hunting alone on the ice.
How one might no Ionger know what was...real.
We are so very far from home, you know.
AII of us.
We have wandered so very far from home.
please, stop.
It is not important.
I was tired, eh?
I was tired, very tired.
I was stupid and went two days without sleep.
We should talk about our new life.
Our bourgeois life in this civilized place.
talk of things we planned.
There'II be time enough for that.
You were wrong, you know.
He cares more for you than anything in the world.
Did Jean charles have any history of emotional problems?
please.
please, anything.
Was there anything in his family?
Was he taking drugs?
Drinking?
Was there any radical change in his diet?
Hamburgers wrapped in plastic.
Did my husband lose his sanity?
I think so.
He's hallucinating.
Was haIIucinating.
hello?
Thank God, you are there.
Are you all right?
I think so.
We've been going out of our minds here.
We even had the cops out.
eileen, I went to your apartment last night... and some guy on the phone laid some weird rap on me... about people who weren't really people?
It spooked the shit out of me.
Who the fuck was it anyway?
A friend back east.
What was that stuff about?
I'm not sure.
It doesn't matter now anyway.
We'II talk.
It scared the fuck out of me.
I've got the address.
I'II come pick you up.
What?
I said I'II come pick you up.
Cassie, I'm not sure you should.
bullshit.
I'II be there in a few minutes.
What did he do then?
You don't know?
You were on the tower.
You looked at him and said, "Qu'est ce que tu as?"
And he was shaking.
What did you do then?
We left that place very fast.
He took me to a hotel and told me to stay there.
And keep the door locked until he come back.
But he never come back.
The next day I come here and... everything is so strange.
I find two suitcases.
One was on the bed there... and the other was...
The other one was there.
He was running.
He was taking the old woman's advice.
He was running, but something wouldn't let him... get away, wouldn't let him out.
Niki, what if he wasn't--
Wasn't what?
What if he wasn't insane?
No, thanks. 
I don't want any.
I mean it. 
I don't want any.
Go bug somebody else.
Listen, sweetheart...
I don't want any flowers, so move your butt.
Get out of my fucking car!
Get the fuck out of my car!
Now! 
We've got to get out of here now.
If they knew about Jean charles, they know about us.
And we shouldn't be here.
Either of us.
You know where everything is.
You can't come back here.
Ever.
Ever.
But we've got to get out of here now.
Now.
Leave it! 
Go!
Who are these people?
Who are these people?
Who are they?
Oh, God.
You see them, too.
Operator, I need the police.
The address is--
Up this way!
help me! 
help me!
You saw what happened to Jean charles, no?
tell me.
Are you sure?
But they'II be back.
Come on.
Let go, Iet go.
tell me.
Don't stop.
No matter what you see, don't stop.
Don't stop! 
Don't stop!

(SIREN WAILING)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Yeah?
Yeah. 
Okay, I'll be right down.
P.A.: 
Dr. Onaman. 
Calling Dr. Onaman.
P.A.: 
Dr. Benway. 
Calling Dr. Benway.
Cops pulled him off the beach fifty, twenty minutes ago.
Took 4 of us to get him on the bed.
Strung way out.
We can't even get eye contact.
It's like he thinks we're not even here.
His clothes were blood-soaked...
I mean soaked.
Cleaned him up.
Found a couple of lacerations,
- but what are the rest...
- Is that French?
Sounds like it, but he's too fast for me.
(MAN SCREAMING IN FRENCH)
MAN: 
His pupils are constricted, pressure's up, motor stuff's right.
I'm sure it's PCP, but I don't know.
I can't get a needle into him to check.
Now, if I try to sedate him, it could be a real mess.
Look, I know you're new, and I'm sorry to put you on the spot.
But if I sedate him without a neurology, okay, my ass...
Your ass is secure, dear, okay?
Just go and see if you can find someone
- who speaks French.
- (MAN SPEAKING FRENCH)
Oh, and maybe a priest.
He's probably catholic.
(MAN YELLS IN FRENCH)
(YELLING IN FRENCH)
Well, what happened to you, then?
We stopped him going across the park by the palisades.
- By the time we...
- (YELLS IN FRENCH)
- Get back! 
Get back down there!
- Stop. 
He'll tear his wrists.
Do me a favor and wait outside.
Outside, please.
- You, too. 
A.J. 
- A.J.
- But somebody's got to...
- Outside, okay?
(MAN SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
Boy, you've been in quite a scrape, haven't you?
Quite a scrape.
- What happened to you, hmm?
- (WHIMPERING)
What happened?
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
It's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
- It's okay.
- (SPEAKS FRENCH)
(SCREAMING)
- NURSE: 
Are you all right?
- SECOND NURSE: 
Look out. 
Coming through.
Anyone else?
NURSE:
Call for Dr. Rodriguez right away!
INTERN: 
Be careful. 
Be careful.
NURSE: 
Gently, please. 
Gently.
- I guess he got me.
- INTERN: 
Jesus Christ, he's dead.
Makes tonight look like...
nursery school.
EILEEN: 
I'll pass, thanks. 
This weekend I've got a date with my apartment.
(SIGHS)
Don't ever try and move and work at the same time.
Well, that is what wives are for.
Mmm.
You gonna miss the east?
Well, there are a lot of university people, but...
But what?
I don't know. 
I suppose they were more my husband's friends than mine.
At some level, this going-west business appeals to me.
Swab that, please, nurse.
Oh, you know what I do miss, though?
Trees.
It's so barren. 
You get the feeling that every last bush has been installed.
It's like Disneyland or something.
DOCTOR: 
Well, people don't realize that this is a city built on a desert.
Just try to think of it as extended parking for the beach.
What? 
Ow!
Hold on. 
Just a couple more, we'll be through.
Ooh.
On these hours, who gets to go to the beach?
DOCTOR: 
Last one. 
There we go.
- NURSE: 
Do you want it dressed?
- DOCTOR: 
Leave it uncovered.
How long have you been on duty?
Uh... 32 hours. 4 more to go.
DOCTOR: 
All right. 
That's it, then.
And you have had enough excitement for one night.
So, I want you to go home, get some sleep, and those are surgeon's orders.
Besides, you're too old for this career stuff.
You should be home taking kids to get their teeth straightened.
(LAUGHING) Oh! 
See that, nurse? 
See that?
They turn 30 and everything is sex, sex, sex.
Listen, you need a tetanus booster?
All right. 
Then get out of here and go home.
- Good night, doctor.
- Go.
(SIGHS)
- Good night. 
Thanks.
- Good night.
I'll catch you later.
What'd he say, anyway?
Who?
The guy who jumped you. 
What'd he say?
Nothing.
Hmm.
That's a pity. 
Last thing a man says is supposed to be significant.
(ELEVATOR DINGS, DOOR OPENS)
Uhh.
(REWINDING TAPE)
(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)
WOMAN: 
This is Dr. Collins' office.
I'll try you at the hospital.
- (BEEP) 
- MAN: 
Hello, Mrs., uh...
Dr. Flax, this is Mr. Hendricks from the telephone company.
We'll have an installer in your area tomorrow afternoon...
What are you doing?
(GASPS)
(BUSY SIGNAL ON PHONE)
I thought it was funny, too.
No sense of humor.
This son of a bitch gets out of his car...
looks about 14 years old, and he's got a beer belly already...
gets out of his car carrying a tire iron.
- No kidding.
- Honest.
What'd you do?
Got the hell out of there.
What the fuck else?
But, fuck, man, there are more crazy, meshugina lunatics running around...
What did you do at Radcliffe, major in sailors?
I wish.
You know your nutcase from last night?
Well, the lab report came back this morning.
No drugs.
Adrenal residue enough to frizz a horse, but no dope.
(SCOFFS) I wonder what happened to him.
Looked like some creep off the beach, right?
- Yeah.
- (CHUCKLES)
The man was an anthropologist from UCLA.
Spoke half a dozen languages, lived all over the world, and was, apparently, a very famous individual.
Jesus.
CASSIE: 
What kind of people did he study, anyway?
I don't know.
This morning in Richter's office, I got a look at his wife.
She's this elegant-looking redhead.
Just the opposite of what he looked like.
And the crazy thing about it is they've only been in the country a week.
- Well, I got a minute flat to get to 7.
- CASSIE: 
Walk in backwards.
I tried that. 
I promised I'd actually be there this time. 
Eileen.
Hey. 
Hey, quit it.
- Hmm?
- Your lip.
If you don't quit chewing on it, it'll look like your ear.
(CHUCKLES)
Hey, Eileen, are you okay?
Oh, sure. (CLEARS THROAT)
Cassie, what does, um...
N'y sont pas... sont des innois mean?
Uh...
Shit. 
N'y sont pas...
They are not there. 
They are...
- Sont des innois.
- Sont des innois.
Sounds like a place. 
I don't know. 
Why?
P.A.:
Dr. Wayne, please call the operator.
...walking right now is the best thing for you.
Tomorrow I want to hear that you've been... right...
Dr. Stafford's on in the morning.
Do you want me to order a repeat EEG for her?
No.
The carpet's fine. 
I like the color.
What?
WOMAN: 
The old carpet was yellow, but the owners didn't...
Doctor, I think we skipped...
Doctor?
AGENT: 
The owner was only here for a little while, but they did a good deal to the house.
There's so many things.
For instance, the old carpet was yellow, and it didn't clean very well, so they put in all new ones.
The house is only 4 blocks from the beach.
And, of course, there's plenty of storage space.
Obviously, I tried to convince the owners to stay here long enough to sell instead of rent, but apparently his transfer was pretty sudden, and they just upped and left.
What do you think, huh?
(PATIENT SCREAMING)
AGENT: 
I admit that science is not my strong suit, but anthropology... that's bones and tombs and things.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Nothing so dramatic.
My work is cultural. 
I...
Je l'adore!
At least it's warm, eh?
I, uh...
I mostly watch people.
Oh! 
But I thought you were teaching here this fall.
- Uh, yes, I'm afraid that is so.
- Oh, listen to him.
The first civilized place we live in years, and already he's bored.
Goddamn freaks.
(WHIMPERING)
I'm fine. 
I'm fine, I'm fine!
Leave me alone! 
I'm fine! 
Stop it!
Stop it! 
I'm fine.
Just fine.
What's he gotten into?
(MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY)
Da da da da da! 
I got the material.
- Ah, hold it, hold it, hold it.
- (TURN DOWN MUSIC)
I got the material, but you will have to help me with the...
Comment dit?
- Trigle de rideau?
- Curtain rod.
Ah! 
Curtain rod. 
Curtain rod.
Curtain rod.
I forget English faster than I learn, huh?
- It will come. 
It will come.
- Alors. 
Tell me.
Which one do you like best, huh?
This one?
Ah... 
On you or the living room?
For the living room, this.
For when we live in the land rover, this.
Oh, no. 
Cochon.
Ooh. 
I forgot about her.
JEAN-CHARLES: 
Mm-hmm.
- Johnny?
- Mm-hmm?
You are not really bored, are you? 
Huh?
Pas du tout. 
Pas du tout.
I'm looking forward to it.
I'm looking forward to water we did not have to carry.
I am looking forward to working 5-hour days.
I am going to get food in supermarket wrapped in plastic.
I am going to get hamburger commes les Americains.
Alors, maintenant, je suis americain, eh?
Americain. 
Americain.
Americain.
Americain.
- Mr. America.
- Mm-hmm. 
Oui.
- Which one of these is you? 
Hmm?
- Where did you get that, Niki?
Give me that photograph!
Niki! 
Come here!
- No! 
No.
- Niki! 
Give me the photograph.
- No. 
No. 
No.
- Niki. 
Come. 
Come, come.
Come on, Niki...
We will mount it over the mantelpiece commes les Americains!
Give it, give it, give it, give it!
- No!
- Give it, give it!
Your mother give it to me a long time ago.
It was in storage.
We had never a mantle to put it on.
I have given you a hard life, hey?
Rien.
No more.
No more.
Oh! 
No, no, no, no!
We will be unpacking until October!
- I can't wait till October!
- You won't have to.
Ah, come. 
We have a new house.
We should pretend we are just married, eh?
Don't give me presents, huh?
When we first marry, you were following seal hunters, and when you come home, you smell like them.
- I don't smell like them now, eh?
- No, no, no.
I don't smell like them now.
Tell me I don't smell like them now.
Did you bring the last two box, the dishes?
- Ah, tout de suite. 
Tout de suite. 
Yes.
- Allez, allez. 
Oh, I will get them.
No, no, no. 
It's not necessary.
I will go. 
I will go. 
I'm going.
My love.
I'm going. 
I'm going.
What are you doing?
We've got a hemorrhage here.
Niki, go upstairs, please.
Go upstairs. 
Go. 
Niki, go, now, please.
(WHISPERING) "...
Surprise thief."
"Parents find mutilated bodies of children."
"Parents who had moved here to begin a new life
"returned to find that life... seeping into..."
- (ENGINE STARTS) - (ENGINE REVS)
(TIRES SCREECH)
Mon dieu. 
La Maison les attire.
- What?
- La Maison les attire.
They're attracted to the house.
What the hell is she talking about?
(SIGHS)
You're right. 
It's worse.
Judy, darling, would you see if you can dig me up the night service number for data general, please?
All right, what do you got, fellas?
Well, there's no evidence of trauma.
But I think we wanna run another series in the morning.
Come on, come on, come on.
What's going on?
It's fakacht, that's all.
We're getting screwy numbers.
We gotta get the techies in there and rip it apart.
Talk to me, Ted. 
Come on.
Well, the first time through was faint and only showed autonomic functions.
Then we started getting cortical propagation!
- I don't understand.
- Well, neither do we.
But this is the brain function of a person who's wide awake.
SCHACTER: 
Look, just get Mrs. Lachman or whatever her name is...
Active. 
Hearing. 
Seeing.
Walking around talking to people.
You knew she just did say something in there,
- and it was in French.
- And?
And the crazy who jumped her the other night was a Frenchman.
So... she had a run-in with a crazy.
I mean, this city is full of crazies, guys.
They pull four bodies a day just off the freeways.
Listen to me. 
I'm gonna tell you what we're gonna do.
We're gonna put her in a room for the night, we're gonna fix the eco,
- we're gonna run some tests...
- (SNAP)
(LAUGHING)
What is funny about it?
(LAUGHING)
There are some very strange people in this world.
(CLEARS THROAT)
- What is that?
- (CLEARS THROAT)
It is nothing.
It is nothing at all. 
I promise.
Hey, hey, hey. 
Come now.
Come, come, come, come.
Huh? 
Don't worry about it all.
I will repaint it in the morning.
- What are you going to do about it?
- What should I do, eh?
Call the police and say children have painted my door, come quickly?
I'm going to bed.
Would you care to join me?
I don't think it was children.
Well, children come in all shapes and sizes.
- What kind of people would do that, huh?
- (EXHALES)
I don't know.
I don't know. (KISS)
Come. 
Let's go to bed, huh?
- Is the door locked?
- Yes, the door is locked, and the back door is locked, and the drawbridge, it is raised for the night.
Now... if you want to worry, you can do it in the morning.
Tonight there are more important things to think about.
NIKI: 
Oh...
- Is it October so soon?
- (CHUCKLES)
Oui. 
Nearly November.
Les feuilles tombent.
The leaves... are falling...
Yes... every little...
JEAN-CHARLES:
Et des vents froids soufflent...
- NIKI: 
And the cold winds blow...
- Are blowing.
Et bientot, de grandes hampes de glace se leveront...
NIKI:
And soon great shafts of ice will...
Ooh! 
I like ice.
- Bitch.
- (LAUGHS) Oh, je n'suis pas une bitch.
Je serais une bourgeoise.
I am going to be madame Pommier, wife du professeur, avec le suntan.
And you should take care...
Hey, where are you going?
I'm, uh... 
I'm going to get a glass of wine.
- Ooh, get me one, too.
- Of course.
- Johnny?
- Oui?
Tout va bien?
I'll be right back. 
I'll be right back.
Don't worry.
What kind of people?
I'm going out.
Well...
I can see that.
I won't be long.
I'm just going to go down the street.
Oui, oui.
What are you after?
Ah...
Uh... nothing. 
Something, something.
I don't know. 
I'm not sure.
We'll talk later, okay?
I really won't be long. 
I promise.
Jean-Charles!
Oui.
- Keep the door locked.
- Oui. 
Allez. 
Merci. 
Allez!
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
Johnny?
Jean-Charles!
(CAR DRIVES OFF)
Johnny?
What do you mean, she's gone?
I came in to check her and she wasn't in the bed and I thought...
- maybe she was in the bathroom.
- I only left 40 fuckin' minutes ago!
Doctor, please. 
We put her across from the nursing station deliberately.
We've searched the floor, we've got the security people going through the rest of the building.
It's only a matter of time before we find her.
CASSIE: 
There's no way she could've gotten out of here without one of us seeing.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
♪ I can't stop this feelin' I've got
♪ The night plays tricks on my mind
♪ I keep seein' things that I'm not
♪ Maybe I'm lost in time
♪ I'm searching for a love That just can't be found
♪ I keep runnin' away
♪ 'Cause I'm a stranger
♪ Lost in the night
♪ Stranger
♪ Who is the hunter and who is the prey?
♪ This is the oldest game
(ECHOING) ♪ I'm trapped
♪ And can't get away
♪ The night will never be tamed
♪ 'Cause I'm a stranger
♪ Lost in the night
♪ Stranger
♪ We're all strangers
♪ Lost in the night
(TIRES SCREECH)
♪ Like a tiger hot on the trail
♪ Like a demon right out of hell
♪ Maybe this is just like a dream
♪ I'm awake and I hear a scream
♪ I'm a stranger
♪ Lost in the night
♪ Stranger...
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE)
Hey, stop!
Stop!
(WOMAN LAUGHING)
- (CAR HORN BLARES) - (TIRES SCREECH)
(GASPS)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC STOPS)
(BOTH LAUGH)
Okay.
Salaud! 
Tu said depuis combien du temps?
Stop. 
Stop, stop, stop!
- (SPEAKS FRENCH) 
- Hush, hush!
Quest-que c'est ca? 
Celles le libre?
Yes, I know about them.
That's why I went out.
I wanted to know what kind of people...
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
Will you stop?
Will you stop?
Yes, I know about them!
And yes, I didn't tell you because I wanted to know what kind of people could think of a murder as some sort of shrine.
Will you listen to me?
I spent 30 hours following people who do not live anyplace.
Ècoute moi? 
Do not work anyplace.
I called the government, the state, their vehicle, it is not registered.
- Why do you tell me this?
- Don't you understand?
They're nomads.
- What?
- Nomads. 
Nomads, yes.
Like all of them. 
Like every place we've lived for the last 10 years.
- Here?
- Yes, here, now. 
In this city.
In the middle of a modern city.
They go from one party to the next, one restaurant, one gas station, one motel.
These people live in parking lots!
In 30 hours, they did not stop moving.
Don't you understand what I'm saying?
And I didn't...
I didn't call you and I didn't tell you because I didn't want to frighten you.
I should have called.
There was no reason.
Forgive me. 
Please, forgive me.
Forgive me. 
I'm very tired.
Very tired.
None of this may mean anything.
None of it at all.
I may have simply...
But I may have found people who are living outside.
Outside any structure.
They do not participate.
No exchanges, no constraints.
They resort to violence at no provocation, and they get away with it.
It is as if to the official world they did not exist.
I don't know. 
I don't know.
- You are a crazy man.
- Huh.
You know that?
I was so worried about you.
You look awful.
(CHUCKLES)
Awful. 
Awful.
Why do you push yourself so hard, huh?
You have not done this in a long time.
There is a roll of film I must see.
Awful.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
MAN: 
Phone's ringing.
She told me she was a doctor.
How am I supposed to know?
She is a doctor.
- Yeah, hello?
- EILEEN: 
Hi, I'm sorry...
Oh, Christ, she's got a machine!
Hey, hey! 
Find the fucking machine!
Don't hang up, okay? 
Hang on!
I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
Wait for the beep.
- Yeah, hello?
- MAN: 
Hi, Eileen, I got the stuff...
No, no, no, this isn't Eileen.
This is a friend who's been look...
Um, Eileen isn't in at the moment.
Can I take a message?
- Sorry, she called me...
- You spoke to her?
Mm-hmm. 
She called yesterday.
She asked about something and I wanted to get back to her.
- Have you got a pencil?
- Yeah, uh, go ahead.
Okay, tell her that des innois is not a place, at least not one we could find, and no one around here seemed to think it had anything to do with anthropology.
- There was, however...
- Eileen asked you about this?
Mm-hmm. 
There was, however, an eskimo word... 
Inuat...
It's pretty farfetched, but...
Oh, look, I'm sorry,
I shouldn't impose all this on you.
Have Eileen call me at area...
No, no, no! 
Where are you? 
Are you here?
- Pardon me?
- Where are you? 
Are you out here?
- I'm in Boston, why?
- Um...
Look, just tell me, I'll get the gist of it for her. 
Do you mind?
No, uh...
It's apparently some sort of nomad myth.
It has to do with wandering in the desert.
- I thought you said it was eskimo.
- Well, it's all the same.
Nomads live in deserts, whether it's a desert of ice or sand or whatever...
doesn't make any difference.
Apparently, the eskimos spend a good deal of time wandering on the ice....
- COP: 
Looks like she's been packing.
- ...and the Inuat...
SECOND COP:
There's another one over here.
Look, why don't you look in the bathroom and see if her toiletries are still there?
I'm sorry, did you say...
I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.
Oh, nothing, I'm sorry.
Um... and the inuat were...
Well, they were supposedly hostile spirits.
According to the myth, they were capable of assuming human form.
They, uh... here, wait a second.
Uh, "thought to inhabit places of past calamity.
"They brought disaster and madness to any humans who fell in with them.
"Only a myth, of course, but observers well into the 20th century
"marked how cautiously older eskimo approached strangers on the ice."
Hello?
That's all we could find, I'm afraid.
I don't know if that answers her question or not.
Well, anyway, be sure and tell her we all miss her, and if she gets tired of all that sunshine, she's welcome back, all right?
Yeah. 
I'll tell her.
N'y sont pas.
Sont des inuat.
They're not there.
They're inuat.
- FIRST COP: 
Did Charlie say anything?
- SECOND COP: 
No.
(SCOFFS)
Crap.
Ugh! 
Crap.
It's crap, crap, crap. 
Double crap.
Middle of the night listening to bullshit nonsense.
It's not my own life.
Honest to God, Jesus.
(RADIO PLAYS ROCK MUSIC)
(TIMER RINGS)
(HEARTBEAT POUNDING)
Shit.
(CLEARS THROAT AND SIGHS)
(LAUGHING)
Ca doit s'expliquer.
Ca doit s'expliquer. 
Il le faute.
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(SIGHS)
(SCREAMING)
(YELLING)
Crazy son of a bitch!
(SCREAMS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(PANTING)
I have a light here if you prefer.
They've shut off the power at this end of the building, I'm afraid.
It's only a small savings, of course.
But then again, in my case it's also... a small sacrifice.
I keep this lantern for visitors.
However, there've been few of those of late.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, forgive me, please. 
I, uh...
Forgive me for being so rude. 
I...
I did not think that, uh...
You'll be forgiven for thinking the building abandoned.
(LAUGHS)
Ah, yes. 
Yes, I... 
Yes, I did.
The handyman has, like so much of the world, grown somewhat lax.
It wasn't always like this, of course.
But now with only me here, why, I suppose it's a small matter.
You are... you are here alone?
Oh, I'll be following the others, eventually.
For now, I have been left here to look after things, as it were.
Though I'm not certain they saw the humor in it.
Oh, dear, now I'm being rude.
You may call me Bertril.
How do you do? 
Ah, I'm...
Mr. Pommier, yes.
Won't you have tea?
I haven't any lemon. 
But...
I trust that's all right.
They're usually so regular about sending the boy around with groceries.
I can't imagine what happened.
Oh!
But perhaps I've got the days muddled again.
Oh, not that way, Mr. Pommier.
- In here, if you will.
- You know about them, don't you?
There are places with pasts, Pommier.
Places with secrets.
Things... collect.
You just looked too closely.
Most people are luckier.
They never know that a certain percentage of what they see... is not there.
But the problem now is not what you know, it's what they know.
Yes?
You.
They know about you.
Go away, Pommier.
Leave your house and change your job. 
Go and hide yourself.
You can still survive this, but you must not try to fight them.
Listen to me. 
If you've never run from anything in your life, run from this.
- They're leading you into another world.
- They're not real. 
They can't do anything.
They brought you here, Pommier.
- What was this place? 
What happened here?
- You must leave now.
Don't pursue this.
It won't end with you, you know.
Go, do as I say.
For the sakes of those you'll lead them to.
(LAUGHING)
(SCREAMING)
Un cauchemar, un cauchemar, un cauchemar, un cauchemar.
(MUMBLES IN FRENCH)
I'm dreaming.
I'm dreaming. 
I'm dreaming.
Just dreaming. 
I'm just dreaming.
Very bad, very bad.
(LAUGHING)
Tired... just tired.
Mmm.
What are you looking at?
You come up here late last night.
You seemed very ill.
You also seemed to know a lot about my husband.
- What is it?
- I'm... embarrassed.
You sleep on the couch.
You were with, um... my husband when he's dead, no?
I am Veronique Pommier.
I know your name, Niki.
I know your name! 
I know, I've seen!
No, no, rest calm. 
You're just tired.
Why don't we go out today, huh, and be like tourists?
Ca serait pas mal, no?
No! 
No, I don't want to go!
Don't make me go! 
Don't leave me! 
No!
(NIKI LAUGHING)
Ooh, la... 
It goes forever.
No! 
I don't want to go!
Please stay away from me.
Please! 
Please!
Go where? 
Where don't you want to go?
He tried to tell me something and I couldn't understand.
He screamed...
His whole memory is in my head and I...
I don't understand.
I don't know what he wants.
They're... hounding him, and I don't know what he wants.
Who? 
Who is doing that?
He thinks they're inuat.
That is what he meant.
How do you know this?
I was so frightened last night.
You were shaking.
Did you ever have a dream and not know when it started?
The old man on Atavak used to tell a tale of the dangers of travelling far, of hunting alone on the ice.
How one might no longer know what was... real.
We are so very far from home, you know.
All of us.
We have wandered so very far from home.
Please, stop.
It is not important. 
I was tired, eh?
I was tired, very tired.
I was stupid and went two days without sleep, hmm? 
(CHUCKLES)
C'est fini, tout fini.
We should talk about our new life, eh?
Our bourgeois life in this civilized place.
- Talk of things we planned, huh?
- (LAUGHS)
There'll be time enough for that.
Oui.
Oui, oui.
(HEARTBEAT POUNDING)
(GASPS)
Again?
You're wrong, you know.
He cares more for you than anything in the world.
Did Jean-Charles have any history of emotional problems?
- No!
- Please.
- Mais non.
- Please, anything.
- Was there anything in his family?
- No.
- Was he taking drugs?
- No.
Drinking?
Was there any radical change in his diet?
(LAUGHING)
Hamburgers wrapped in plastic.
Did my husband lose his sanity?
I think so.
He's hallucinating.
Was hallucinating.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
Hello?
Oh, thank God, you are there.
- Are you all right?
- (SIGHS)
I think so.
We've been going out of our minds here.
We even had the cops out.
Eileen, I went to your apartment last night, and some guy on the phone laid some weird rap on me about people who weren't really people?
Well, it spooked the shit out of me.
Who the fuck was it anyway?
Oh, a friend, a friend back east.
What was that stuff about?
I'm not sure.
It doesn't matter now anyway.
We'll talk.
Well, it scared the fuck out of me.
Listen, I've got the address and I'm gonna come pick you up.
Eileen?
What?
I said I'm gonna come pick you up.
Oh, Cassie, I'm not sure you should.
Bullshit. 
I'll be there in a few minutes.
Niki.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
What did he do then?
You don't know?
You were on the tower and you looked at him and you said, "qu'est ce que tu as?"
And he was shaking...
what did you do then?
We left that place very fast.
He took me to a hotel and told me to stay there.
And keep the door locked until he come back.
But he never come back.
Here.
The next day I come here and... everything is so strange.
I find two suitcases.
One was on the bed there... and the other was... the other one was there.
Yes.
He was running.
He was taking the old woman's advice and he was running but something wouldn't let him... get away, wouldn't let him out.
- Oh, Niki, what if he wasn't...
- Wasn't what?
What if he wasn't insane?
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
No, thanks. 
I don't want any.
No, look, I mean it. 
I don't want any, so go bug somebody else, okay?
Listen, sweetheart, I said I don't want any flowers so move your butt.
Move!
- Hey, get out of my fucking car!
- (REVS ENGINE)
- Get the fuck out of my car!
- (HORN HONKS)
No! 
We've got to get out of here now.
If they knew about Jean-Charles, they know about us.
And we shouldn't be here.
Either of us.
- You know where everything is.
- Depeches toi... il n'y a plus de temps.
You can't come back here.
Ever.
Ever.
But we've got to get out of here now.
Now.
- Oh!
- Leave it, leave it, go.
(GASPS)
Who are these people?
Who are these people?
Who are they?
Oh, God. 
You see them, too.
- Operator, I need the police. 
The address...
- (CLICK)
Up this way!
Help me! 
Help me!
Help me!
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING)
No!
No!
Shh.
Shh.
- Shh.
- (WHIMPERS)
Shh.
You saw what happened to Jean-Charles, no?
Tell me.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
But they'll be back.
Oh.
Come on.
Shh.
(WHISPERING) Okay, let go, let go.
(GASPS)
(GASPS)
(SNIFFS AND SOBS)
(SOBBING)
Tell me.
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
Don't stop.
No matter what you see, don't stop.
- (SCREAMING) 
- Don't stop! 
Don't stop!
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
(ENGINE STARTS)
♪ I can't stop this feelin' I've got
♪ The night plays tricks on my mind
♪ I keep seein' things that I'm not
♪ Maybe I'm lost in time
♪ I'm searching for a love that just can't be found
♪ I keep on runnin' away
♪ 'Cause I'm a stranger lost in the night
♪ Stranger
♪ Who is the hunter and who is the prey?
♪ This is the oldest game
(ECHOING) ♪ I'm trapped
♪ And can't get away
♪ The night will never be tamed
♪ 'Cause I'm a stranger lost in the night
♪ Stranger
♪ We're all strangers lost in the night
♪ Strangers
♪ Like a tiger hot on the trail
♪ Like a demon right out of hell
♪ Maybe this is just a bad dream
♪ I'm awake, and I hear a scream
♪ We're all strangers lost in the night
♪ Strangers

[Man] You have a beautiful garden.
Do you take care of it yourself?
- What?
- Do you take care of the garden yourself?
Oh, yes. 
Yes.
So far I have done it all myself.
Is it a lot of work?
No, it's fun.
I say God takes care of the gar... takes care of the garden, but the devil takes care of the lawn.
- [Man Laughs] 
- Don't you think so?
Yeah.
But how do you do in winter?
The winters are tough.
Oh, crochet. 
Crochet and, uh... make rugs... braid rugs.
That's how you keep yourselfbusy?
Oh, yes. 
Uh, keeps me very busy and cook three meals a day.
- What are you doing now?
- Uh, what am I doing now?
I'm trying to, uh, weed my carrots... and I'm gonna cultivate the potatoes... and radishes over there and onions.
Carrots. 
And, uh...
Oh, I have a lot of onions.
Everything needs weeding.
It's all weedy.
And the flowers... 
I can't work in there now because they're, uh... high and, uh, I'd break 'em all off.
I see. 
Do you have a...
Do you have a big family, or are you alone?
Uh, I have, uh, Otto Walters living upstairs.
He, uh, rooms with me.
Yeah. 
That's my interest...
uh, raising, uh, vegetables and flowers.
It's a lot of fun.
I like it much better than going out and gossiping.
Do you like it living in Glencoe?
Oh, very much. 
I wouldn't... 
Uh, my sisters wanted me to come to the cities... but I would not go to the cities.
- [Chuckles] 
- No? 
Why?
Well, it's so nice out here, seeing all these flowers grow.
I love that, you know.
I don't care much for the city.
- [Chuckles] 
- I understand you very well.
When you have such a beautiful garden.
That's what, uh...
[Man Narrating] Dear old Miss Litzau... without you and your beautiful garden... we might have missed Glencoe altogether.
- ##[Band: 
Polka] 
- Of course, that day there was also the town fair.
##[Continues]
[Man] Heyl
Whoa!
- [Dings] - [All Cheer]
- Korea.
- We have 'em all.
- Korea. 
Laos and Cuban crisis.
- We also have members from World War I.
- [Man] What about you?
- Vietnam.
Vietnam was bad to begin with.
Uh, it was... 
You didn't have...
The populace was not for it... so therefore, uh... they didn't get the respect that was due them.
I mean, they died just as easy as anybody else did. 
They bled just as red a blood.
So, we try to promote, uh... for God and country.
Okay? 
That's what it's all about.
We've all been in the armed forces.
We all know what it's all about.
And hopefully some of our younger generation will take hints from what we're doing.
The high schools or grade schools around the community... we donate the flags to them, and we promote "promotionalism"...
Uh, uh, Americanism. 
I'm sorry.
- [Malle] What is that...
- Around the community.
- Oh, we... we have with us...
- That's French. 
You ought to know what that is.
We have some... 
We have with us some royalty that was formed in your country.
- You better explain.
- Ah. 
That? 
The commander.
The chef de garde.
G-57. 
Under "G," 57.
##[Continues]
B- 9. 
Under "B,"9.
- O- 72. 
Under "O,"72.
- [Woman] Bingol
[Man] Here's a "bingo."Hang on to your cards. 
Okay.
Georgette. 
You've got bingo.
Anybody else?
Okay. 
B-2.
[No Audible Dialogue]
I grew up in a metropolitan area with the...
the hustle and bustle, and I'd never go back.
- [Malle] Why wouldn't you go back?
- Everything is slower out here.
You... 
You know people.
You can look across in a celebration like this... and you can see people that you know.
You look at guys like...
[Malle] What's your occupation?
- I don't know if I want to say.
- [Malle] Say. 
Go on.
Okay. 
I'm... 
I'm the assistant chief of police in this community.
But we loosen up, and we're human too, right? 
Okay. 
Okay.
# You know I love you so How can you leave me blue #
[Malle Narrating] It was a Saturday ofJune a few years ago.
Here I was in Glencoe having a good time with the town folks.
For days we traveled around Minnesota filming school graduations... shopping malls, Indians, miners, factories.
It felt good to be on the road again... camera in hand, making friends.
"Who are you? 
What channel is it for?" They always ask.
"We're French, and this is a documentary for public television. "
"Oh. 
Well, we're all Germans here.
Welcome to Glencoe, Minnesota. "
So, we settled down at the Star Motel.
[Bells Ringing]
A very quiet Sunday morning.
Glencoe is a small farming community... 60 miles west of Minneapolis... with 5,000 inabitants and a few industries.
There are nine churches in town:
Seven Protestant, two Catholic.
No synagogue.
# Love and purity #
# Holy, holy, holy #
# Lord God almighty ##
- Morning.
- Morning.
- Morning.
- Morning.
- Good morning.
- Morning.
Morning.
- Good morning.
- Hi, Don. 
Molly, want to shake hands?
Molly, how are you this morning? 
Oh!
Well, my goodness.
[Malle Narrating] Reverend Chapman, head of the First Congregational Church of Glencoe... is an amiable gentlemen, very open-minded.
[Chapman] We do it the way we did it, you know.
Change comes slowly... uh, in a... in an area like ours.
Uh, people like to do it the way their parents did it... and the way their grandparents did it.
And yet there's the tension of the youth group... or the youth culture... uh, wanting to change things too.
And, uh, I don't know how the balance works out... but, uh, that's there.
I think that's also part of modern life.
The divorce rate in our country's up. 
And...
- [Malle] And here?
- It's up here too.
Uh... and I think that's really a recognition of the fact... that many marriages, uh, 20 years ago were in trouble, but they stayed together.
And 50 years ago, a divorce was almost uneard of.
But the problems within the home and the marriage were still there.
Uh, you know, I think divorce is a recognition of the fact... at least one part of it is that it's a recognition of the fact... that there are some marriages that end in failure.
And they don't hold 'em together anymore artificially.
[Dog Barking]
[Malle Narrating] Seen by an outsider... the Glencoeites are a quiet, somewhat placid... extremely friendly group of people.
But they have one devastating passion:
Lawn mowing.
At all hours, men, women, children... chop furiously every bit of grass that sticks out.
Maybe a vestige of the pioneer spirit.
[Man] How many times a week do you mow the lawn?
[Man #2] Well, it's, uh, once a week for sure.
Once a week, uh... 
If we get rain like we had now in the last few days... it's, uh... it's, uh, once a week and, uh... and if we get more rain, we can...
we can expect that, uh... we'll have to do it probably twice a week.
[Man #1] Why is that?
[Man #2] Because the, uh...
the grass will grow that fast.
The lawn and your... your property would start looking pretty shoddy if you didn't, uh... if you didn't keep the grass cut.
If you move around town, there's a few places where you can see that.
So, I've got a daughter at home, and she's just home from college and... and, uh... so, uh... and she hasn't gotten into the routine yet.
- [Malle] Do you like doing it?
- Oh, it's okay.
Nothing else to do, so I just do this.
[Man] Is this the worst part of the job?
Not really. 
I like this better than push... mowing, you know.
[Malle] Are you in, uh... in school?
No. 
We just got out about a month ago.
So, what are you going to do now?
Oh, I might get a job at a high school or something, you know... find some job to do... anything.
- [Crowd Cheering] 
- Okay. 
She got lucky. 
She threw one in there.
She's gotta think about it.
Yeah, she's gotta think about it.
She's gotta work.
[Malle Narrating] On the outskirts of town... a battle is raging between the local softball team... and their archrivals, the Valkyries of Hamburg, Minnesota.
Nice pitch. 
All right.
One more now. 
One more.
[Chattering]
[Malle Narrating] I will not get into an argument with those girls.
- [Girl] There it is.
- [Man] First basel
[Cheering, Shouting]
Let's go now. 
We're not done yet, Sherri.
Don't leave 'em out here.
- Let's try for a double play.
- [Woman] Talk it over out there.
Help each other out!
- There's only one down, though, right?
- Yeah.
Okay, Paula, let's take this one now.
You got a big range.
She's tall.
[Malle] Aaahl Merde!
Good cut. 
Good cut. 
Way to go, Roberta.
You're ready. 
You're ready.
- [Girl] Whool - [Cheering]
- Bring her in now.
- [All Shouting]
[Cheering, Shouting]
[Girl] Whool
- Way to gol - [Cheering]
[All Shouting]
- [Woman] All rightl - [Girl] You got nothirI
[All Shouting]
[Man] Out.
[Cheering]
- Sherri. 
Way to hang on to that ball.
- I thought I was gonna drop it.
Sherri.
[Girl] Pizza Ranchl
[Chattering]
- We're going to the Pizza Ranch.
- [Girl #2] Going to the Pizza Ranch.
- [Man] Excuse me. 
You happy you won?
- Yes.
- Happy? 
Are you kidding?
- [All Chattering]
- I'm very happy.
- [Girl] Second game we won.
- Second game we won all year.
- [Malle] You don't normally win?
[Girl] No.
- We never win.
- We always win.
- [Boy] Oh, we always almost win.
- Where we going?
- [Girl] Pizza Ranch.
- [Girl #2] We tried hard.
- We did. 
We worked for the win.
- [Malle] Is this part of a championship?
- No.
- [Girl] This is just league play.
- We won't get very far.
- We have six more games to go.
- And then we play a tournament.
- [Laughing]
[Malle Narrating] The town Dairy Queen... is one of the few gastronomic resources of Glencoe.
We eat here twice a day.
[Malle] All your family works here?
Quite a few. 
Yeah.
There's my wife... and myself and a daughter and a son.
And an older daughter helping out.
- Yeah.
- [Malle] So there's five of you.
[Man] Yeah. 
Right. 
Yeah. 
Mm-hmm.
[Boy] Okay. 
Thank you.
[Malle] And it's doing well?
Yeah. 
Can't complain.
Real good business.
I sold beer for 23 years.
I like this better.
- [Malle] You're Mr. Barnum.
- I'm Mr. Barnum. 
Junior.
And Mr. Barnum Senior is back there.
And you have no connection with the circus family?
- Not that we know of.
- So, how do you explain...
We were here before the P.T. Barnum.
[Barnum] It is, uh, done on the circus theme. 
Yes.
The Medicine Wagon... 
I don't know if that's gonna give you a good shot of that up on top there.
- [Malle] Uh-huh. 
That's where...
- [Barnum] Prescriptions are filled. 
Yes.
That's your prescription drugs.
And the patent medicines are all along this aisle over here.
I better keep my finger out of your...
We have our gift section in the back and cards.
[Malle] "Carousel Shop."
The horse may be of interest up above there.
This is Mrs. Barnum Junior over here.
She's doing inventory.
For an order.
She does a lot of the gift buying and that.
Practically all of it.
- [Malle] Hello.
- Hi.
- What part of France are you from?
- Paris.
- Paris.
- Uh-huh.
Every Frenchman will tell you he comes from Paris.
[Mrs. Barnum] Oh, I suppose. [Laughs]
My granddad... settled, uh, there in '69.
1869.
And my grandma settled, uh... in 1854, when she was two years old.
[Malle Narrating] The population of Glencoe is remarkably homogenous:
80% of German origin.
A few miles north, Silver Lake is almost entirely Polish.
- [Malle] Where do they come from?
- They come from, uh, Germany.
Hannover.
That's Lower Saxon.
- [Malle] And there were Indians around?
- Oh, yeah. 
They, uh...
They lived, uh, say, 10 years with the Indians.
They come there every fall to hunt.
And, uh...
- [Malle] Did they get along well?
- Oh, yeah. 
They was really friendly.
Yeah. 
They was friendly.
And what happened with the, uh, Indians after...
Well, that...
Well, the Indian outbreak was in '62, I think.
Then, uh, the Indian war started here, and, uh... ever since then there were no Indians around here.
[Siren Wailing]
[Malle Narrating] This is our friend Rod Petticourt, the assistant chief of police.
- They have a silent alarm on here, and it went off. 
So...
- [Siren Stops]
It was a false alarm, but nevertheless, we check 'em out.
[Malle Narrating] Could we get mugged in Glencoe?
No. 
We don't have many major crimes in this community... and that's the way we like to keep it.
[Malle Narrating] Rod was a little loose yesterday at the fair.
Today he's all business.
We're only a six man department, but we have about 14 reserve officers.
And, uh, needless to say, in a small community, with six men, they don't go very far.
So, the, uh, uh, reserve rides along.
They ride along free.
They just donate their time... and, uh, they help us out in whatever way they can.
Real... 
Real good bunch of guys.
In fact, I shouldn't say guys.
We got a couple women on the reserve also. 
So...
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. 
It... 
It's good P.R. Too... to show the public that we're not too chauvinistic... that we can have women work with us too.
Of course, uh, the one...
the one reserve is my wife... and she also works for the sheriff's department, so there's no problem there at all.
[Malle Narrating] Rod's favorite topic is drug abuse.
[Rod] Uh, I came out here in 1971.
And a lot of the drug use would be alcohol and the diet pills at that time.
And, of course, they take a few diet pills... and load up a little bit on the beer, they got pretty snaky.
Uh, then the trend kind of switched over to the marijuana... and that pretty much stayed with that.
Then it switched now where it's...
it's the booze and the marijuana.
And that's the reason that display was made up.
I carry it with me to the schools.
I'm originally from Minneapolis-St. 
Paul, and I've got nieces and nephews up there... and you've got kids that are eight, nine, 10 years old that are smoking dope.
You don't see it out here. 
You know, if you'd find somebody that age doing it... it would be just... just a... a... you know, a long shot, we'll say, because the kids aren't doing it.
You might find an eight-, nine-year-old that might be drinking a beer... but he don't go out and get drunk or get high on a regular basis.
It's just uneard of.
[Malle] How many horsepower?
280 horsepower.
And what is it made for basically?
For working up the fields, uh, like in the spring and fall... for doing all the, um, tillage work, you can say.
It doesn't do any of the planting or anything.
It's one of the biggest I've seen.
It's the biggest thatJohn Deere...
this brand name... makes.
[Engine Starts]
[Malle Narrating] Brian Thalmann is 10 years old.
He doesn't drink beer, but he drives a big toy.
Just outside Glencoe... his father runs Thalmann Seeds... a 2,000-acre operation... that doesn't fit my European notion of a farm.
[Man] Farmers'machinery has always gotten bigger.
Now it's a question do they have to buy more land... in order to use that farm machinery efficiently?
Well, for instance, our Federal Land Bank... will not make a loan to a farmer who has only 80 acres... because they know that he cannot raise a family on 80 acres... and still pay off the mortgage.
And so, uh, there are very few 80-acre farms... whereas back in the '50s, that was the average size farm in this community.
And now, as I say, there are very few of them... but the farms have gotten larger and larger... and fewer and fewer farmers as a result.
[Man #2] Since '76, we had the opportunity to buy... uh, several farms that were within a two-mile radius of, uh, where we're standing.
Because of our location... here in this part of Minnesota... we're within 40 miles of the river points, uh, near Minneapolis and St. Paul.
Uh, therefore, that is where most of the grain in this particular area goes.
Uh, and, of course, most of the grain that goes to the river points... uh, therefore goes down to the Gulf of Mexico... and, uh, gets shipped to other countries throughout the world.
Uh, we live, uh... as good as the businessmen in town... uh, because of the size of the operation.
Uh, for the amount of risk we're taking... uh, we're probably not as well paid as what we'd like to be.
Uh, the risk is quite high because of the variability of weather... and... and, uh, prices.
But, uh, we're comfortable with what we're doing.
[Chattering]
[Man] This is the Security State Bank of Glencoe, Minnesota.
It's a privately independent bank... owned by local, uh, individuals right in the town here.
- [Malle] Who started this bank?
- My father did... in 19, uh, 3... 1935.
- So you're at the same time a banker and a farmer?
- Right.
So the people can't... can't fool us when it comes to agriculture loans.
What are you doing exactly at the bank?
What's your job?
I'm a cashier, and I'm a ag and loan officer.
[Malle Narrating] Clayton Hoese has five sons.
One of them, Gale, works at the bank.
But after hours, back at the farm, he's got some homework to do.
[Cows Mooing]
[Mooing]
[Malle] What are you doing now?
[Malle Narrating] Claytors eldest son runs a neighboring farm.
He was a champion wrestler in high school.
Running about 50% moisture.
- You got a lot of rain this weekend.
- You're right. 
A lot of rain.
I should be chopping by the neighbors, but, uh... we've got so much water standing in the field, it, uh...
- [Clayton] You get stuck.
- We get... 
Yeah.
We'd mud up the hayfield, so...
I could come over here and work today.
[Malle Narrating] Claytors wife also splits her time between the farm and her job in town.
Then when the boys got old enough... they became involved in 4-H... and they decided they liked farming also.
So we started in with the dairy cattle... and... and now, last year, I think, they...
David started in with the hog operation.
[Laughs] This is my son David.
- Hello.
- [Clayton] These are the fellas from France... and they want to look at this operation here.
[Malle] So you're working at the farm full-time?
Yeah.
Take care of the pigs part of it mostly.
Take care of the calves too.
Other than that...
- Are you still a student or...
- No.
I graduated two years ago from high school.
Glencoe here.
And you're not interested in banking?
Ah, not really.
I like what I'm doing right now. 
So...
It doesn't bother me that I'd be working there or anything.
Ah, I just like this, so that's what I do.
It's what I do best, so that's what I'm gonna do.
But you graduated in, uh, agriculture or... took a degree in, uh, farming?
No. 
I just go...
I got a degree in hard knocks, and that's it.
I learned from what...
from the experiences I had.
That's all I do.
It... 
You learn... 
You learn a lot...
In pigs you learn a lot every day.
It's a new experience every day, what goes on.
They're, uh...
They're sort of a weird breed of animals.
- [Snorting] 
- And it's...
It's not... 
You got some hard days in the winter and stuff... but otherwise, it's not a bad occupation at all.
[Malle] Yeah.
[Snorting]
Come on.
Come on.
[Squeals]
[Chattering]
[Malle Narrating] David's pigs will appear eventually on your breakfast table.
They end up their short lives at the Hormel plant in Austin, Minnesota... a hundred miles from Glencoe.
[Squealing]
I can remember, ever since I was... you know, old enough to think, it was farming.
That's all I ever wanted to do.
I'm my own boss. 
I don't have to go and punch a time clock, you know, and... have somebody get mad at me and stuff like that.
I can just... 
I get up in the morning, I know what I gotta do. 
I'm my boss.
If I don't want to do too much on a certain day, I don't, if I don't feel like it.
But usually it's... 
You gotta keep on working, working, working.
- [Malle] It's a lot of work, you know.
- Oh, yeah. 
But you get it back in the long run.
Just, like, when the crops look good, you... you know, it makes you feel good when the crops look good and stuff like that.
You make a good living?
Fair. 
Manage, you know.
It is... 
It's not like, uh... some people would like to have it, but it's a living.
You gotta give up things to have your peace of mind, I guess.
[Malle Narrating] Jim Mclntern, at 28... is the youngest farmer we've met so far.
He runs a middle-size farm that belonged to his grandfather.
His father lives next door, and they are business partners.
[Pigs Snorting]
[Mclntern] And you don't see very many young farmers either like me.
I only know three of them right around the area right here, and that's... like, about a 20-mile radius.
So, uh, there's a lot of them that like to farm... want to get started, but they just haven't got the... the capital.
Nobody will... 
The bank won't give 'em the money they want because it just takes too much.
- Do you think of yourself as being lucky in a way?
- Yeah.
I think so. 
Very lucky.
So this is your house.
Could you show me around?
This is the kitchen right here.
[Malle] Dining...
This is our kitchen table where we eat all our meals.
- Hello.
- Hi.
This is the dining room, which really doesn't get used for much besides... when we have a lot of company, and the company will come and sit in here.
Friends and neighbors or whatever.
Do you often entertain neighbors or...
Well, birthdays. 
Whenever there's a birthday around and one of the minor... one of the kids' birthdays, we'll have a little birthday party.
- And this is your...
- This is what's called a living room in here.
This is where we watch our TV, if there's any TV to watch... or just to sit and read the paper.
We got a couple hours to read the paper at night.
Do you watch a lot of TVor...
Just in the winter.
In the summer I don't watch much at all.
I haven't got much time for that.
I'm too busy.
In winter there's more slack, more free time.
There's no field work or anything like that.
Just the chores... taking care of the pigs and the cattle.
- How many children do you have?
- We have three.
One's gonna be five, and one's a year and a half, and one's gonna be five months.
- Are you going to make farmers out of them?
- I hope.
- Hope so.
- [Chuckles]
- I hope somebody plans on staying.
- Yeah. 
Probably not the girl.
- And you married very young.
- Yeah.
- I was 18?
- You were 18 and a half.
- Eighteen and a half.
- Is that young to get married here or...
- Not for a woman. 
For a girl.
- It is now.
Back seven years ago it was... but now you find out more girls are waiting till they're 20, 21, 22.
Even older than that.
Save your money, 'cause everything's so expensive.
- Yeah. 
They want to work first.
- Yeah. 
They'd like to work first so they have... so they can buy nice things for the house.
But you decided immediately to get married or...
Well, we waited.
About a year and a half... we were going together... and then we married after that.
We waited six months after I gave her her engagement ring.
Then we got married six months after.
- And two years...
- It was just the right one, so I just...
And two years after that, then our little girl was born.
- Yeah.
- One day after our wedding anniversary.
[Malle Narrating] Jim and Bev's hospitality is so gracious...
I feel I have known them all my life.
We're back the next morning.
Jim is riding his tractor.
Cultivating corn. 
About one of the easiest jobs on the farm right now, I'd say.
Gives you time to think.
Gotta do a lot of that nowadays.
[Chattering On Radio]
[Malle Narrating] Meanwhile, Bev prepares lunch.
It means opening tin cans.
The Mclnterns don't even drink their own milk.
[Malle] Do you think of yourself more like as a housewife or... or...
I don't want to be thought of as a housewife.
- But you help a lot at the farm, no?
- Yeah. 
I'd rather be thought of that way... as, like, a homemaker and, um... partner with Jim.
Put it that way.
I... 
I like helping outside.
I like helping a lot outside.
Driving tractor and things like that.
[Malle] Did you do it when you were younger?
[Bev] Mm-hmm. 
I did it a lot when I was younger.
[Malle] Did you think of any other life, any other things that you would like to do?
I...
I suppose every girl wants... you know, has different things she'd like to do with her life.
I sometimes dreamed of being an airline...
being an airline hostess.
But after I metJim, that all...
I forgot about it.
[Malle] Us again. [Chuckles]
[Baby Crying]
- Did you wash already?
- [Girl] No.
[Chattering On Radio]
Okay.
- This is hot.
- Can John pray?
John, pray.
Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest.
Let these gifts to us be blessed. 
Amen.
[Jim] It's hot.
[Man On Radio] We'd love to get him to think about a computer for your company.
Maybe we can help.
I BM small computer seminars are designed for people who know little or nothing about computers.
- [Coughing] - [Malle] How do you explain there is no blacks in this community?
Practically... not one, I would say.
- Well...
- In Glencoe.
I don't know. 
It's hard to say. 
It's...
People just seem to... not really get along with blacks around here.
It's...
Of course, there never really was any...
any blacks that really came here.
One or two, and then they just kept on going.
I know Hutchinson over there, northwest of here 20 miles... they have a few blacks over there.
But it's just no place for blacks around here, I guess.
Just don't like it.
You mean people don't like them, or they don't like staying here?
- Well, I suppose it's...
- [Baby Coos]
A little of both, I think.
People are very prejudiced against blacks out here.
It's... 
It's hard to say why.
Although you talk to anybody that was in the service... and you don't find too many servicemen that care about blacks.
I don't know.
So you could have gone to Vietnam.
You were the right age.
Yeah. 
Just that my draft number was a bit higher than what they drafted that year.
I know my brother...
his number was quite low... and he... he managed to get a draft deferment because I was still in school... and, uh, as long as he was the only son at home, they... they couldn't take him.
They could have taken him, but my dad worked at it to get a draft... a farm deferment for him, so...
And that was right in '68 when my brother was...
could have got drafted.
That was just at about the peak of the war out there.
Or what do they call that? 
Scrimmage?
It wasrt a war.
That's what they call it.
It's kind of funny.
Enough men died, and it wasrt a war.
[Malle Narrating] Vietnam was coming back more than once in our Glencoe conversations.
There was something else:
An unsung hero of the antiwar movement of the '60s was from Glencoe.
- You mean Brad Beneke?
- Yes.
- That's my son.
- And...
- He was... 
You're talking about the Minnesota Eight.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- What happened to him? 
He was on trial?
[Beneke] Well, they had a trial in federal district court... 
Minneapolis.
And he was sentenced to prison for several years.
- [Malle] What's happened to him?
- He's in California now.
He, uh...
He has a band out there.
Oh, yes? 
He's playing music or...
Oh, yeah. 
He's a good musician.
Very good.
You know her well.
She's miss Law Fu Nok.
Why so co-incident.
Basemu will stay in this house.
You will never come to see me off.
You don't want me to go?
I am coming for some advice.
What makes you so nervous?
Why not? 
Aids is hot topic in the States now.
You have to be very careful.
Aren't you so diffident with me?
Mind your own self.
Call me if you are bored.
Yes! 
Honey!
Get into the car.
I will take it.
Let me take it myself.
Maybe there will be traffic jam.
Let's go.
- What crime did this man commit?
- He has flirted with my wife.
You this wolf.
- Take him in.
- Yeah.
Madam.
Wai Lung has left today.
Yeah, for business.
Really? 
Europe and then Africa.
Why don't I have any business trip?
You are a CID and he's a CIA!
It's better to keep the boyfriend always by your side.
Person like me is a good sample...
And I am gentle and tender to women.
You are too tender.
So you always appeared in other's house.
But I've never been to yours.
Stop kidding, are you here to treat me the lunch?
Not only lunch, even dinner.
Dinner maybe next time.
Why not today?
Don't you remember that I have a task tonight?
I nearly forgot about it.
The murdering of the banker is still under investigation.
Why don't you go now?
I haven't been home for two days already.
I really want to change.
Me too.
Hello.
Mr. Sneal's house.
It's for you, mr. 
Sneal.
Who are you?
Mr. Sneal, I am Siu.
Siu, I don't understand.
Why have you such interest to pretend to be a capitalist?
What is your purpose?
I don't want anyone to interfere with my personal business.
I did all this for covering only.
I just want to keep in touch with the VIPs.
I am familiar with Washington.
I have many stuffs on sale except bodies.
I believe I have no interest in what you are selling.
You have approached the wrong person.
No... you should have interest.
It's the missile from the Bulgaria general.
Have you any interest?
Where is it?
Show me.
I promise to award you with five million U.S..
If you fail, I will kill you.
I surely can fulfill it.
When can I have it?
Wait for my good news.
You have forty eight hours only.
Get ready the cash for me now.
Siu.
Get into the car.
- What took you so long?
- Yeah, bored?
Yeah.
Answer the phone.
Alright.
Hello? 
May I know who's calling?
Can you tell me?
Please wait.
Siu, it's for you.
Hello? 
Right... yeah...
Money is ready.
If anything goes right, there won't be any problem.
I can guarantee you.
Yeah... all our previous dealings.
Have I owed you any money for the latest dealings?
Since you said it won't cause any problem, then it's deal.
Guess who am I?
You must be my foe!
Fu Nok?
I thought you were still in HK.
Nice to see you.
You look good.
You too.
Who took you here?
Joyce! 
She fetched me at the airport.
Did she?
How are you two recently?
She didn't answer my call.
Maybe later.
Let me get you some tea.
And then you can tell me about yourself, ok?
Almost seven hours now.
Coffee is over and I am too hungry.
I was angry for can't having dinner with master and my sister just now.
I don't have such strength now.
My legs have no feeling now.
I am starving.
Don't know how long will I have to wait?
Hope it's the right one.
Right, it's the one.
The smuggling men are back to Washington now.
Wai Lung? 
Why are you here?
I thought you were still in HK.
I come to you purposely.
Stop joking, tell me what's happening.
Ok, my superior sent me here for you.
To ask when the Arabian friends will be here.
They are coming!
He seems to be listening to the phone.
About the missile?
For the sale of the missile.
The missile will be shipped to the Beltelia dock.
And onto the "Wella".
When?
Very soon.
What next?
He said to transfer $250M into the Swiss bank account.
It's a very simple thing.
He?
Who is he?
The Arab said the buyer is mr. 
Sneal.
Must be that mr. 
Sneal.
The one concerned in the case of Wai Chun bank?
Right.
It's ok.
Over!
We're in trouble now.
Come out! 
Everybody get out now!
What are you doing here?
Escape? 
Chase!
Where are you going to?
Europe? 
Mexico? 
Or Columbia.
Europe!
Ok, take the car, I will be waiting here.
How are you, mr. 
Siu?
I am Law Fu Nok, the CID of this district.
I have something to ask you, mr. 
Siu.
Nice to meet you, miss Law.
Excuse me, I have another appointment.
Don't be hurry.
Maybe we can have a deal.
I give you money and you tell me the truth.
If someone asks me in Washington who knows where's the missile...
That will be you.
But I know nothing about advance techniques.
Fu Nok.
Release him.
You promised to accompany me today.
Daddy, where are you going to?
Anywhere with you.
Hello?
Hello, don't you know who am I?
Besides you, who else?
It's one at midnight, why don't you go to sleep?
I can't so I call you, am I good?
You are good.
Hurry back after work.
Let me prepare more nutritious food for you.
Thank you honey.
I have some information that Suzuki has returned to the States.
Take care.
It will be unlucky to meet him.
I won't let him go!
Have you gone out in leisure time?
Yeah, I have acquainted many girls!
Listen, don't be too silly over there.
Or else I won't let you go.
I love you madly.
I love you.
Kidding, bye!
Thank you for hiring our restaurant again.
Do you want anything to eat?
No, thank you for renting me the warehouse.
Don't mention it, it's my pleasure.
Fan.
Who's that man?
Don't you know him?
He's the chairman of director board of Wai Chun bank!
It's him!
Thank you, Fan.
Boss, it's packed.
Ok, take it to the warehouse.
That's mr. 
Sneal.
I heard that Joyce wanted some information of him.
Man.
The car of the bodyguard of Sneal?
Excuse me.
Frankly, tell me what are you doing here?
What are you doing, Fu Nok?
This guy seems rather stealthy here.
But I have done nothing wrong.
Sister, he is Mickey, the student of master.
Sorry Mickey.
No problem.
This is mr. 
Jack.
And he...
How are you, mr. 
Jack?
How do you do?
He's Wong Wai Lung from Hong Kong.
Is he the Wai Lung?
- How do you do?
- Welcome.
Thank you.
How do you do?
Come in first.
Go in, Mickey.
Why is it like this?
Remove them quickly.
Damn it! 
Who made such joke with us?
Be careful! 
Damn it!
Stop the car...
Hey, who are you looking for?
I am looking for mr. 
Yigi.
How do you know my phone number?
Stop nonsense.
I just want to tell you one thing.
What on hell do you want to tell me?
Why don't you make clear before killing?
What do you mean?
The Li Chi Hung you want to kill is still alive.
How come?
Li Chi Hung has disguised himself.
Why do you tell me so?
This is a truth, it's your own right to believe it or not.
Take care!
You dare to work for my opposing group at my expense?
No! 
I dare not!
You want to get away from me?
You betray me for money!
No, mr. 
Sneal, trust me!
Slop self-defense anymore.
I have told you many times before.
Anyone who betrays me will never have good result.
You deserve it!
Trust me, I haven't done it.
Betrayer.
Don't fool.
Give me a chance.
Don't be silly.
Ok, Siu, I promise you.
To give you one more chance.
If you can defeat me today...
I will let you go.
You force me to do so!
Get up, bastard!
Stop it, mr. 
Sneal.
He will be killed.
Don't you want me to sue you to the police?
None of your business! 
Shut up.
You don't know what really has happened.
You have no right to say so.
You can go now if you can't bear.
Mr. Sneal, release me please!
I can stand no more!
Well done.
Thank you.
The key is inside the car and the money as well.
Sneal has suddenly disappeared.
I won't easily set him free.
I will try my very best to get him out.
CIA is happy to hear that.
Our luck is not so bad after all.
We don't disappoint the public and recover the missile.
Take two days rest.
Go fishing or accompany your family.
Ok.
It's out of my imagination.
How are you, Mickey?
How are you, sister?
Do you still remember mr. 
Jack?
The assistant of Sneal.
I will be back later.
What's wrong with you, Mickey?
Nothing, see you later.
Ok.
- See you some fine day.
- Keep in contact.
Shit! 
It's painful!
Where is the video?
What video tape?
Who are you?
I don't know what you are talking about.
Video tape!
Search!
Yes.
Why doesn't it hurt?
Speak!
Got it!
Mickey.
Mickey!
Joyce... 
Joyce.
My god, what's the matter, Mickey?
Two Japanese killers have come here to search.
For what?
Video tape.
Video tape?
I have recorded every action of Sneal and the spies.
You act too arbitrarily.
I just want to give it to you to announce to the public.
The spies have stolen something from Sneal.
Go to the master for medication.
Wait, go to rescue your daddy.
The spy I mentioned...
It's your daddy.
My daddy?
Yeah! 
I can take care of myself.
I'm fine!
They are non-human.
I will go to find my sister.
Can you inform mr. 
Wai Lung for me?
Ok, I will inform him.
Go, quickly!
Take care.
I will come to see you again tomorrow, ok?
Bye.
You are so cunning to cheat my money?
Tell me where is it?
I didn't take it.
Still pretended to.
Give me back my money.
It's on the hand of the government.
You have to compensate for my loss...
Or else I won't let you free.
You can write to the president for the compensation.
But you will have to indemnify your life for it.
You don't want to live anymore?
Don't be so happy now.
You are almost finished!
Shit! 
You still behave so tough in such time?
It's done by us.
You dare to play such game with me.
Just in time for me to defeat you all.
Go and search!
And kill them all.
How can you shoot here?
Do you want to die here?
Many explosive has been kept here.
Boss.
You have the chance to choose now.
Leave now and it will be ok.
Tell me where's the money?
He won't say if he isn't beaten.
Think it over clearly, first!
You're not my opponents.
You are all here?
Daddy, are you ok?
Fu Nok, Joyce, I... am fine.
Be careful of this devil.
Boss, let me kill this man.
You deal with the male one...
And I deal with the girls.
We have much gratitude and grudge.
Come now.
Protect daddy.
Let's attack together.
You have forgotten the lesson from last time?
I will cut off your throat with this coin.
Pediatrics.
Not bad.
Are you ok?
I have no problem.
Come over.
Better now?
Yeah!
Really?
Really.
- I will go to help sister.
- Go, quick!
You are good at boxing and kung fu.
I am not afraid of you! 
Come over.
Stop!
Go in.
Put down the weapon.
Don't move.
Lie down.
FBI, Law Fu Nok.
The one we have found...
Is Sneal, who kills with no human sense.
Grasp him.
Follow us.
Release me...
Police, I am not the murderer, I am a banker.
I want my lawyer.
Be careful, I will accuse you.
Want to assassinate me?
No, I just want to discuss it with you!
That is the proper way to talk.
You can go back to HK now after this job.
When do you plan to return?
Let's assist Cynthia to fix that Li Chi Hung of Wai Chun bank.
To see your performance?
This is what the HK police should do.
I want to leave behind to accompany daddy.
We are good partners.
Take your daddy to HK as well.
As per postmortem examination, the dead is not Li Chi Hung.
Finger print is the best proof.
The dead is someone else.
How come he is so smart?
You must have seen much action film.
Know to get a double.
He's cunning.
I believe he has changed to someone else already.
He may be using a false passport as well.
And intend to leave HK at any time.
I will watch his girlfriend.
Action now.
Ok.
We will go to see Lee after work.
Ok.
No wonder I feel strange.
Li Chi Hung will not die so quick.
Why you...
Didn't you inform me to fetch you at the airport?
What are you carrying?
I want to give you a doing?
Unreasonable!
What are you talking about?
Why do you change so much only for one week?
It's you who changed.
You said you will be right back after the case.
And now you said I have changed.
You are too mean to me.
Your explanation is quite good, I'll let you free.
I will treat you dinner tonight for welcoming.
Fine.
The boss of Li Chi Hung has been arrested by the FBI.
He is accused to have killed and ammunition dealing.
Li Chi Hung has been killed.
Who did it?
He was killed by Suzuki, one hour ago.
But it's not now.
What the hell are you talking about?
One says yes and one says no.
I'm fooled.
Walk now and I will tell you.
It looks like real, good techniques!
Boss Lee, your price is high enough to employ No. 1 technician.
Or else how can I face you, right?
Lawyer Chow, Chi Hung trusts only you.
You are reinforced with Pauline to help you!
She does really help me a lot.
Pauline, see the lawyer off.
Yes.
Remember to give me a call there.
Ok, bye.
That's why I couldn't find the stuff.
Pauline, are you crazy?
You are crazy.
You have driven my dad crazy by stealing his antiques!
You are his daughter who stays in the States?
Right, if you don't give it back to me today...
I will go all out with you.
Shit, you have spent my money and still wanted to take mine.
Stop dreaming.
He's Li Chi Hung!
Don't move.
Let's separate and chase after him.
Wait!
He's Li Chi Hung.
Don't move.
Don't come over!
Throw me the pistol or else I will kill her.
Shit!
Who's he?
He's Li Chi Hung.
Go.
Come with us.
I will go for the evidence.

[ Voice of a Young Boy ] There comes a time in a boy's life where he must choose to follow life's path to manhood.
Stepping away from all that is safe and known.
Relying only on instinct, and what small stones of knowledge he has gathered from his youth.
A choice, that if made too early could be deadly and if made too late, could be gone forever.
This journey is known in all religions as the coming of age, communion, bar mitzvah, and the like.
It is also known in athletics as the breaking point from which one is no longer satisfied with just participation, but must leap into the realm of excellence.
I was about to make this journey at eleven years of age, having no concept of my true path.
But only that I just journey upon it.
For me this journey came at the Michigan State Marshal Arts
Championships in my home town of Kalamazoo.
[ Applause ]
Welcome to the Fifteenth Annual Michigan
State Marshal Arts Championships.
Each and everyone of you is to test your marshal skills.
Today we have no losers.
Everyone walks away a winner.
But only one of you...
emerges a champion.
Pay your respects.
[ Applause ]
In this great tournament of skill and strength, both both physically and mentally.
There could only be one champion.
And with ninja two as my sport, teacher, and religion, this would be my coming of age, my breaking point, in which all things before could only begin to prepare for what lie ahead.
I watched the little kids stumble through their skills.
My turn would come.
My parents sat out there with a mixture of pride and fear.
- Oh, they're so cute.
- They're too little to be fighting.
Kevin was that age when he started.
Yeah, when you pushed him into it.
It was better than beating up his sister, don't you think?
My sister helped warm me up.
But she was more interested in getting herself warmed up.
Hey, Randy. 
I'll be there in a second, okay?
Come on. 
Ouch!
- What did you do that for?
- Pay attention.
Fine. 
Come on.
[ Applause ]
[ Applause ]
[ Applause ]
With the challenge down to two and head gears removed,
I stepped once more on to the mat that had so often been a body, mind, and spirit like a perfectly tuned machine.
I took the reins of life in my hands, prepared to ride the beast through all obstacles ahead and all trials and tribulations that stood in my path.
This is where my journey begins.
Go!
[ Crowd Cheers ]
Go to your corner.
Come here.
[ Applause ]
Michigan State Junior Champion.
Kevin Ryan.
Congratulations, Kevin.
You're the youngest junior champ we've ever had.
- I'm very proud of you.
- Thanks, Sensei.
Megan tells me you two are going to California.
Yeah. 
And I'm going to meet Don "The Dragon" Wilson.
My uncle a close personal friend of his.
So we're going to see him at the studio.
That's great, man.
So when you guys leaving?
Tomorrow morning.
Arriving at gate 25a untied flight 629 from Toledo.
Your mother and I are really going to miss you two.
Me too, Dad.
Now Megan, you've got that money I gave you?
Right here.
- Keep an eye on your little brother.
- I will.
- Hey, got the tickets?
- Right here.
Megan, you know Los Angeles is a little defferent than Kalamazoo.
- Thank God.
- What I'm trying to say is that you might have to be more careful out there.
- Are you talking about condoms?
- Jesus, Megan!
- I am not talking about condoms!
- Will you calm down.
Sorry.
Now boarding at gate 19 midwest flight 190 to Los Angeles.
- Love you. 
Be good.
- Bye.
Bye.
Parents with young children, children flying alone and those requiring assistance may now board at this time.
You know, we need this time together.
We haven't had a vacation, just the two of us,
- in sixteen years.
- I know...
- But your brother?
- Don't worry about him.
I just wish we could be sure.
He promised me he's turned over a new leaf.
Face is he's said he's become something of a health food nut.
Umm...
Come on, Lou.
Listen up, alright.
It's my anniversary.
Last year's anniversary I won over twenty five grand.
Last year you were able to pay.
You haven't booked a movie now in over two years.
You know, you're the only bookie I know that reads variety and besides for your information I can pay.
Come on, be a pal.
Put five grand on blind fury.
Now if you lost I collect. 
Today.
I'm not going to lost and besides I got it covered.
I got a sure thing on the Raiders later today.
- You bet on the Raiders?
- Yeah, they're going to kick Miami's ass. 
I know, I can feel it.
Miami's ahead by twenty points an hour ago. 
Schumck!
What are you talking about?
What time is it.
Oh, God.
Anita.
I can't believe he forgot about us.
I'm sure he didn't forget about us.
I mean he's probably closing some big deal.
Sure.
Sweetheart, what a wonderful anniversary party.
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
I just want to see the last couple of the game, Anita.
Sweetheart, the game's over.
Oh, dear God.
Please tell me Raiders won.
- Honey, the Raiders got creamed.
- I'm a dead man.
Oh, sweetheart, don't worry.
There's another game next week and I'll buy you dinner.
Anita, I'm not talking about dinner.
I just lose ten thousand dollars.
- I didn't know you had ten grand.
- That's the problem.
- I don't.
- Oh, gosh, you need a drink.
Gosh, I need a bullet proof vest, is what I need.
You aslo need to pick, you should have picked up your niece and nephew thirty minutes ago.
Oh, God.
- Oh, my God.
- Well what, what airline are they on?
Well, what, what flight?
Doesn't matter, Anita.
They landed two hours ago.
Well, then what do they look like.
Come on, one's a girl, one's a boy, alright?
Oh well, now that makes everything crystal clear.
Anita.
Now where are we going.
I'm looking for the lost niece and nephew section.
- This is too confusing.
- Maybe they missed their flight. 
I hope.
Well, I'm going to go back to the gate and check again.
Okay. 
I'm going to go get a drink.
Okay. 
Come on.
Let's just get a cab.
I'm sick of waiting here.
I know the address.
Do you know how much a cab cost?
I don't care.
- Hey, kids. 
How are you?
- Hi, Uncle Bob.
- Welcome to the airport.
- Where have you been?
We have been waiting here for over two hours.
Well, you're kidding.
It must be the time zone difference or something.
You kids hungry or something?
Would you like a piece of celery?
- No, no thanks.
- Anita, look who I found.
Well, lucky you. 
Hi, I'm Anita.
You must be Megan.
And you must be Kevin.
It's very nice to meet you, finally.
- Okay, well, let's go, guys.
- Let's go.
Wow, is this your house, Uncle Bob?
Uh... it's the summer house.
The summer house.
- Well, how come it's for sale?
- Because he's broke, honey.
The plumbing broke.
The plumbing is broken.
- This is a great place.
- Let's take a jacuzzi?
- What's a jacuzzi?
- Well, sweetheart, it's like a lobster pot without the lobsters.
Do you really know Don Wilson?
I mean do you know know him?
Do I know Don Wilson?
Don "The Dragon" Wilson.
- Well, we go, we go way back.
- He's my hero.
A lot of the Martial Arts stars don't practice what they preach.
But the Dragon's for real.
I mean meeting him's going to be well...
It's going to be a dream come true.
Well, you know what I'm glad I can help arrange it for you.
- Because it makes me happy.
- And meeting Tommy Hart.
I mean everybody at home doesn't believe me.
- I mean you sure you know him?
- Do I know, know Tommy Hart.
Anita, tell them, do I know Tommy Hart?
- Do you?
- She's joking. 
Your a joker...
She's a comedian actress.
She falls down a lot.
- I'm getting kind of hot.
- Yeah, me too.
You guy's are hot?
Well, why don't you go on up to the house and I'll be up in a second.
Okay.
- Nice kids.
- Yeah, I think the little girl looks like me.
I call on the Dragon for help and strength.
I request your presence in a just cause.
Wow!
So what is this ninja stuff all about anyway?
Well, it's about honor, integrity and doing the right thing.
Never work in Hollywood.
Alright, so it's about honor and integrity, and doing the right thing.
So when does the, the you know, the kick ass stuff come in?
There's a lot more to it than that.
The Dragon says that a real ninja, not a cartoon ninja, can go into any room and using the objects in that room decide on ten possible ways to kill his opponent.
Wow!
So you believe in this ninja philosophy. 
And you use it,
I mean like, where ever you go.
Like even in the bathroom and stuff.
Yes.
So you could possibly maim somebody with a toothbrush or like kill them with toilet paper?
- Well, of course.
- You mean to tell me that you can think of ten ways right here, right now, on this balcony, that you could kill me.
Not really.
Actually I can only think of eight.
Eight.
- Hey. 
Is he okay.
- yeah, he does it all the time.
Thanks for letting us come, Uncle Bob.
Hey, look, I wanted you to come.
I mean I really like you two.
As a matter of fact, your my favorite niece and nephew.
We're your only niece and nephew.
You're kidding?
Well, then you really are my favorite niece and nephew then.
- Mom says you don't like kids.
- You know, your mother is very, your mother is...
Nice, but she probably says that because I don't have any children.
- She says you're probably sterile.
- Do you know what sterile means?
- It means you can't have sex.
- No, it doesn't.
- It does too.
- No, it doesn't.
- It means you can't conceive.
- So you can have sex.
Of course, I can have sex.
I have sex all the time.
- Just ask Anita.
- But you're not married to Anita.
I gave her a ring once.
I wanted to surprise her, so I hid it in her popcorn at the movie theaters.
It was good thing the guy next to us know the Hemlich Maneuver.
Well, what does conceive mean, Uncle Bob?
Uh... 
Well... it's a you know, when like a man and a lady and they like each other and those squiggy thing swim upstream.
Kind of like... fish. 
And... uh.
Megan is going to explain the rest to you later, okay.
You guys have a real good nights sleep, alright.
- Good night.
- Good night, Uncle Bob.
Good night.
It's cold.
Uncle Bob's a pretty nice guy, don't you think?
- He hates us.
- Why?
I guess that's what happens when you can't have sex anymore.
Wow.
- Uncle Bob.
- The money!
I brought your coffee.
Coffee, you drink it right.
Oh.
Thanks.
Oh... oh.
Can I ask you something?
Why not, we're related.
Why do you drink so much?
Well, I don't actually drink that much it just appears that way.
I don't swallow.
- Why do you ask?
- I was just curious.
Curiosity killed the cat.
It makes me feel good.
Well, if it makes you feel good, why do you look so bad?
Are you trying to lift my spirits?
I'll tell you what.
Why don't go downstairs and make yourself some breakfast and then I'm going to come downstairs and see what you made yourself. 
It's kind of like a game, alright.
I'll be right there.
- Well, breakfast is served.
- Thanks.
Now can I get you anything else?
- This is fine.
- No thanks.
- Well, good morning, sunshine.
- Good morning, dear.
Uncle Bob, look, we have fruit for breakfast.
Anita, what, are we out of coco puffs?
Anita's taking us to the beach today.
- Yeah, we're discovering L.A. 
- I've never been there before.
Well, me neither. 
I got close once but there was too much water.
When are we going to meet Don "The Dragon" Wilson?
- And Tommy Hart?
- Okay, it'll be appranged by the time you get back from the beach, alright.
Anita, I got to go and just bring them by the office and... do the business I needed to do.
So are you having a good time, sweetheart.
- Good, good.
- Sure. 
I am.
So... what's up with you and Uncle Bob.
[ Laughs ] Your Uncle Bob and I have been sweet on each other for a long time but... we don't live together because you know we need our space.
- I know how that goes.
- [ Laughter ] Yeah.
- He's pretty rich, huh?
- Well, sweetheart, you Uncle Bob has made a lot of money but he has a problem.
He has this big heart...
and he's made some actors into very big stars but then they leave him.
So it breaks his heart and hurts his pocketbook.
So that's why he drinks and stuff.
Well, that's part of it.
It's a Hollywood thing.
Hey there, caught any fish yet?
No, but you should have seen the one that got away.
Haven't I heard that fish story before? 
I hope not.
Well, we're going to see you in about twenty minutes.
- An hour.
- Okay.
- Alright.
- Hey, sweetcakes. 
- Baby.
- Come on, baby, have a little drink?
- No thanks.
- Come on, just a little drink.
- The lady said no.
How about you then, how about you have a little drink with us?
How about a kiss you hunk of burning love?
Sweetheart... maybe this will improve you hearing.
Ah...
Let's get him!
Simmer down, be good, give me my board.
Put it down, put it down.
Ohh...
He threw that big suffer in the water.
That's my brother.
Ouch!
Oh...
Yes!
My God, what does he eat?
Hey boss, can I ask you a question?
- Go ahead.
- Do you know where goons live in LA?
- I give up.
- Laguna.
- Ha... ha...
- Ha... ha...
You know, Jake, when your IQ reaches double digits,
- I'm going to give you a raise.
- Promises?
- Definitely.
- You heard him.
Guido, I got a job for you.
Bob Ryan.
He lost ten thousand on the Raiders.
- He bet the Raiders?
- Somebody's got to.
Now you're my sisters son.
I'm giving you your chance.
You'll be the chief collector on this job. 
Impress me.
You won't be sorry, Uncle.
John, this is Bob. 
Yeah.
Hey, you know what?
I need ten thousand dollars.
Look, hey, what gives you the right to talk to me like that?
Who got you your first series?
How about seven thousand dollars? 
Okay.
What about half? 
How about five thousand dollars?
John... five thousand?
Five thousand a day right you got it.
Five thousand just for meals.
Thanks for nothing, bye.
- Hi, kids.
- Hi.
- How was the beach?
- Pretty fun.
- Great, where's Anita?
- She's parking the car.
- Oh.
- You represent Kevin Costner?
I represent his cousin, he's a big client.
Right on the verge of breaking out, big.
You sure represent a lot of clowns, Uncle Bob.
Well, they're really famous people, you just can't recognize the under all the clown makeup.
Mom said you used to be big time.
Used to be? 
Used to be?
Well, you know before your...
Before what?
Before your mother started calling me a drunk?
She never used the word drunk.
No, alcoholic was the word she used.
Well, your mother always had a great way with words.
I'll have you know that represent only the top clients in Hollywood.
Just the cream de la cream, the top.
What are you doing here?
I'm sorry, man, I forgot the address for that gig.
The audition at Universal right?
The big picture the big Schwarzenegger picture.
No, I'm in the Jablonski birthday party in Oxnard.
No, I don't think so.
I think you made a mistake.
Here.
Don't make another mistake.
Here's the address it's Universal right next to the big tour.
I don't know, do you think
Uncle Bob really knows the Dragon?
Has the Dragon done any birthday parties lately?
- What are you talking about?
- Forget about it.
- We'll find out after lunch.
- What happens after lunch?
We're going to the studios.
[ Screaming ]
Ahh...
- MAN: 
Cut.
- You okay?
Everybody okay?
Can we try this again?
Yeah, Don, we'll do it right after lunch.
Look, guys, a movie lot.
It's a set, a Hollywood set.
Everything fake.
Now you guys stay right here,
I'll arrance everything, alright.
Hey, Bob, I didn't know they were using clowns in this movie.
Come on, give me a break, alright.
- Hey, Billy.
- What are you doing here?
Hi, I'm fine, how are you?
Good morning.
- I'm here to see Don.
- Absolutely not.
He's in his trailer resting.
This is a closed set.
- You're not wanted here.
- Come on,
I just need five minutes.
It's for my niece and nephew.
They're from back east, alright.
I made them a promise.
Don't make me break my promise.
It's a closed set.
Did Don tell you who gave him his first start?
Bob, you got him two lines on general hospital. 
Big deal.
It was a big deal for him.
He was a kickboxer.
He couldn't get arrested as an actor.
And he said that he would return the favor at anytime.
And now's the time, okay.
I need the favor.
- It's a closed set.
- Thanks, you're a pal, Billy.
Where are they shooting that Tommy Hart picture?
Stage twelve. 
Bob...
- Yeah.
- They won't let you in there either.
- Well...
- He can't see me?
No, no. 
It's not that.
He's just busy right now.
He's taking his ninja power nap.
We'll come back later, alright.
- What about Tommy?
- Tommy stage twelve western set.
- Plays a cowboy.
- Ha... ha...
Let's go.
[ Bang bang ]
Ahh...
DIRECTOR: 
Cut... come on, guys, let's it again.
You can die better than that.
Isn't he great.
And action.
- Hi, Max.
- Ah...
- Client, looks real good.
- Yeah.
Ahh...
He's so cool.
Look, I wouldn't ask you to do this for me, but, it's for my brothers kids.
Ahh...
Cut it. 
Print it.
- Now that's dying.
- That was great, man, great job.
Tommy, Tommy, remember Bob Ryan?
- Huh?
- Yeah, the guy we play tennis with.
- How are you doing?
- Hi, buddy, how are you?
Yeah, yeah. 
And this is his nephew Kevin.
- Hi, how you doing, man?
- I enjoyed your scene.
- Thanks a lot.
- Yeah, yeah. very good.
- And Megan.
- Hi, how are you doing, Megan?
Can I get an autograped picture of me?
I mean can I get an autographed picture of myself,
- yourself for me?
- Sure,
I don't have any right now, but, umm...
All of us are getting together at Vertigo's on friday,
- if your interested.
- I don't think we can make that.
We are going to watch the reruns of Perry Mason remember.
- I'll be there.
- Cool.
- Nice shoes.
- Oh, thanks,
- I bought them myself.
- Alright.
I got to get going, guys.
Nice meet you all.
- It was really nice, bye.
- Bye, Tommy.
- I'd say she was excited.
- Yeah. 
Cute kids.
Yeah. 
What is this Tommy guy like?
Oh, he's great.
He's and up and coming star.
Because I really wasn't sure whether
- I should let her go or not.
- Oh, don't worry.
Kids these days know what to do.
- Should I have her bring anything?
- I don't know.
An overnight bag would be good.
Megan!
Yeah, Frankie, hi.
You remember that time
I got you that job and you hadn't worked in a while and I said hey don't worry, you can pay me the commission when you have it, when things are better.
I was wondering are things better, because you know...
- It would be nice if I could get.
- Uncle Bob.
Umm... three pictures, lots of money.
Yeah, we'll work out the fine details later, yeah, okay, bye. 
Yeah?
- I had a really good time today.
- Really?
- That's great, I'm so happy.
- I'm sorry I doubted you.
That's okay, I'm used to it.
Kevin. 
I know you're disappointed, because you didn't meet Don Wilson today. 
But...
I promise you, you're gonna get to meet him.
And when Uncle Bob promises, it's... almost as good as happening, sometimes.
Sure, Uncle Bob.
I love the smell of money in the morning.
This is a great idea.
Collecting the money before they even get up.
Alright, fellows, we're going to make this nice and clean.
We're going to get in, get the fifteen g notes,
- we're out of here.
- I thought it was ten?
Five for me, you baffoon.
Let's go.
[ Knocks ]
[ Knocks ]
- Yes?
- Hey, kid.
Nice place, huh? 
Who are you?
Kevin. 
I'm Bob's nephew.
- Is he here?
- No, he's sleeping.
I'll wake him up if you want me...
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
We'll take care of it.
What's going on?
Umm... nothing that concerns, you kid.
Are you planning to hurt my uncle?
Well, you see that's kind of up to him.
- Then it does concern me.
- Listen I bought cookies okay.
- I'm not selling cookies.
- Licorice, diet tabs, listen, do me favor.
Cut the grass will you.
Ohh...
For gosh sakes he's a kid. 
Get him!
Surprise!
Yaaa!
Hey, easy, easy kind, come on...
I'm from the sixties.
Relax, it's alright.
Have a nice trip.
- Have a nice flight.
- [ Breaking Glass ]
Ahh!
- Ugh!
- You okay, boss?
- He's on the roof.
- Yeah.
- Go get him.
- Yeah. 
Yeah.
I can't swim, Vinnie, I can't swim.
Here take this... and this.
What happened to you guys?
I'll tell you something.
You're both worthless.
Worthless piece of dog meat.
We'll be back, you little squirt.
And you fat man, you're dead.
Who were those guys?
I forgot to tip them last time they delivered a pizza.
In Los Angeles they get real pissed off at that kind of stuff.
Let's get your sister and get the hell out of here.
Did you hear him call me fat boy?
Megan!
MEGAN: 
Where are we going?
We have to move out temporarily.
They're going to spray for bugs.
- MEGAN: 
For how long?
- It depends on how big the bugs are.
- Wait, I forgot something.
- It's time to get in the car, sweetheart.
- Why do I have to sit in the back?
- Because he knows karate.
Why are these guys chasing us, Uncle Bob?
I don't know.
Maybe they mistook me for somebody else.
- You said they delievered pizza.
- Well, sort of.
- I kind of owe, then money.
- How much?
- Ten thousand dollars.
- Expensive pizza.
- Gambling, isn't it?
- I bet the Raiders.
- You bet the Raiders?
- What did your mom say
I had a gambling problem or something?
- No.
- She just said you were a loser.
Great, your mother's got a wonderful vocabulary.
I'm sorry for getting you guys into this mess and everything.
I'm going to go over to my friends house and try to get this straightened out.
But if I can't I'm going to have to put you guys back on a plane to Michigan.
- It's getting too dangerous.
- I'm not going home until I have my date with Tommy Hart.
- And meeting the Dragon.
- I'm glad to see you guys have your prioritites in order.
I'm talking violence here.
I'm a ninja. 
I can get you out of this mess, Uncle Bob.
You're a ninja, you can get us out of this mess.
Well, I'm an agent and...
I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
Hi, Uncle Tony.
I take it this means you didn't get my money.
I'm sorry.
- Bob did this to you.
- No, well, not exactly... not by himself.
You see he had a band of gypsies with him.
- Gypsies?
- Well, not exactly gypsies, but they were dressed like gypsies.
I think they were professional wrestlers.
Bob has hired professional bodyguards.
This doesn't make sense.
If he has money to hire bodyguards, he was money to pay me.
Well, Uncle. 
He's an agent maybe their his clients.
Maybe, yeah, clowns professional wrestlers, could be.
Now you go back and get my money.
- Yes, sir.
- Guido.
- Yes, sir?
- Impress me.
No mistakes this time, Uncle Tony. 
No mistakes.
Uncle, technically this is not a mistake.
I'm hungry. 
Can we get something to eat?
- I want pizza.
- Pizza alright, there's a great place at Vine and Melrose.
- No way, I want to go to Spago's.
- How do you know about Spago's.
That's where all of the celebs eat.
I've been reading about it in all of the magazines.
I mean your an agent. 
You should know about all of that.
I know all about Spago's.
We're not going to Spago's, okay.
They don't give out doggie bags.
I want to go to a fun place like Disneyland or Univeral Tour.
Alright, alright.
But first we're going to eat.
How's your shrimp louie?
It's just shrimp and lettuce.
What's the big deal?
Why can't we go someplace where they have pizza.
Come on, come on.
You got a nice healthy lunch here.
You got a baked potato, a piece of fish... those green and yellow circle things. 
It's like ninja food.
It's going to make you strong like bull.
God, what did we do break something?
Four, five, five hundred bucks right there.
Here's my five hundred Angel will hold the money.
- She looks trust worthy to me.
- I'll break.
Uncle Bob, what are we doing here?
It's kind of like going to an atm machine.
I need some fast cash.
I'm pretty good at pool, okay.
Go eat your pizza.
- Uncle Bob.
- What?
I'm going to be at the video games.
Okay, great, great.
# That's money honey don't you look at me funny #
# Keep a paycheck coming in and your life will be sunny #
# Be a doctor, a lawyer a butcher or a baker #
# Even a bum on the street would rather be a money maker #
# Go to work #
# Go to work #
# Go to work #
# Go to work #
# Go to work #
# Go to work #
- You got a nice butt.
- Thanks I've been working out.
I was talking to her, you idiot.
Gee, that raised my self esteem up a notch.
- I speak my mind.
- Obviously a man of few word.
Uncle Bob. 
Can I have a few quarters for the video game.
Sure.
Hey, blondie, why don't you bend over and make this shot.
No, no. 
She can't bend over.
She's got a bad back.
- Doughboy, just make the shot.
- Doughboy, Doughboy?
Come on, didn't you're mother ever teach you any respect?
- Sorry, Mr. Doughboy.
- [ Laughter ]
He drops the eight ball, it's a two thousand dollar shot.
Boy, I hate bank shots.
Kevin, you want to give me a break here? 
You're a tad close.
You've got to relax, Uncle Bob.
I've got two thousand dollars riding on this one shot.
- Oh, God.
- Like a ninja.
You've got to think you've got to be the ball.
What?
Don't think of it as something out there.
But think of it as something inside you or a part of you.
You've got to be the ball.
Be the ball.
Be gone, be gone.
Be the ball. 
I am the ball.
I am the ball, I am the ball.
I am the ball.
I am the ball, I am the ball, I am the ball, I am the ball.
- I'm the cue.
- Ahh.
Come on, come on, come on.
Megan!
Yaaa!
Ha!
- Ahh!
- [ Breaking Glass ]
[ Breaking Glass ]
Hey, you alright?
[ Breaking Glass ]
Great, thanks, Angel.
Hey, listen, you know, whoever your beautician is, don't give the number to my niece, alright.
- Why can't we go home and sleep?
- Because those though guys are still watching the house.
Just consider it a sleep out.
I don't want to sleep on the beach.
Come on, Megan, think of it as an adventures. 
Okay.
I've had enough adventure for one day thank you very much.
I'm having a great time, Uncle Bob.
See, can't you be more like your brother.
Hey, I've got too have my own sleeping bag.
I only have two.
Well, I'm not sleeping with my brother.
I mean that's illegal, as least it is in Michigan.
- It is, it is.
- What an I supposed to do?
Burrow myself in to a sand dune to keep myself warm.
You guys drive a hard bargain.
Thanks for sticking up for me back there, Uncle Bob.
- I hardly did anything.
- No kidding.
I mean at least you tired.
You know, what comment hurt me the most?
When that guy called you Doughboy?
No, that too, though.
It's when your mom said that I hated kids.
You know, I know you guys think that the only reason you came down here is that your mom and dad needed to get away and...
I was the only one available to take care of you.
- Well, that's simply not true.
- It isn't?
Well, that too. 
But I really wanted you to come down.
Did you know that I save every picture that you dad sends to me of you guys?
I mean you winning these Martial Arts Tournaments and you breaking all all these young guys hearts.
Both of you just growing up too fast.
I save every single one.
I really enjoy them.
I really do.
We're family, Uncle Bob.
I mean we should take care of each other.
Yeah, and if you can't help your family who can you help, right?
Megan and I have seen talking about it and we decided we want you to have the money Dad gave us.
Come on, absolutely not, just forget about it.
I mean it's not ten thousand dollars or anything.
But with the money from the pool game,
- at least it's a start.
- Out of the question.
Look, I've been in jams before.
I can get out of this one.
Don't even think about that.
Come on, come on, guys, let's go to sleep.
Bathroom check. 
You? 
You?
- No.
- No.
Yes.
You guys have a good night sleep, alright.
Okay, good night.
- Good night, Uncle Bob.
- I love you.
- We love you too.
- I love you too.
Yeah, Joseph. 
Just a little bit, yeah, ten thousand by tonight.
Joseph, hello.
- Something wrong?
- Something wrong?
- Everything is wrong.
- You usually seem so in control.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'll get you to meet Tommy later on, alright.
- I'm seeing him tonight.
- No, you're not.
I'm fifteen, okay.
I know how to call a cab.
Look, Megan, let me ask you something.
What do you possibly see in this guy?
- He's cute.
- He's cute.
You want to go out with him because he's cute?
- How about rich and famous too.
- Alright, so he's cute, he's rich, and he's famous.
Other than that he has nothing else going for him, he's a loser.
Alright, let's say you go out with him, alright.
You do go out him, alright.
And you go to this crowed restaurant.
- What are you going to do?
- Eat.
- And then?
- Talk.
What do you usually do on your first dates?
Don't you even think about that.
Can I ask you something, Uncle Bob?
Are you on medication?
Just a couple of aspirin and a tad of Jack Daniels.
Nothing serious. 
Look... 
Megan.
I don't mean to hurt you.
It's just that
I'm not used to being a parent, that's all.
I'm responsible for you.
And right now that's the most important thing in the world to me. 
I may not be right.
But I've got a pretty good hunch of what not to do.
So far you seem to be an expert on what we're not to do.
One thing we can't do is hide on the beach all day.
- Hello, Anita.
- Bob, is that you?
- Yeah, yeah, it's me.
- Where are you?
I'm at a phone booth.
But that's not important.
- I need to ask you a big favor.
- What?
- Anita, are you alright?
- Well, I'm fine.
- Why do you ask?
- You sound different.
Look, can I stay at your place for a few hours?
- Sure. 
I love you, Bobby.
- Anita, what's wrong.
- Nothing's wrong.
- Alright, alright.
Thanks a lot.
I really appreciate it.
Well, me too.
So listen. 
We're going to stick around here for a couple of hours and then go over to Blondie's for some tea.
Now where are we going?
First we've got to go to Anita's office.
- I think she's in trouble.
- I can help you, Uncle.
Don't you think I know that?
Do you think I'd be going over there if you weren't with me?
Oh, great, just what we need, the Hollywood honor society.
Oh, boys, get off that car.
Says who, man?
# A dynamo got lightning and thunder in my hands #
The one behind you.
The mean looking one.
# I'm a dynamo #
Where did he learn to do that?
# Got lightning and thunder in my hands #
The big one.
Yes!
God, he's good.
Hey, guys, you're taking up two parking spaces.
Get out of here.
Nobody ever told you it was ride to take up two spaces?
Later, homies.
Wait a second. 
Think they're in the conference room.
What are we waiting for?
Let's go to her house and get them.
You don't know nothing.
You see that's why I'm charge.
Yeah, you don't know nothing.
We're going to wait until they don't expect it and then we're going to surprise them.
- Great, I love surprises.
- [ Breaking Glass ]
[ Breaking Glass ]
Whoa! 
That brings a whole new meaning to the phrase reach out and touch someone.
Hang it up, dear. 
Let's go.
Get him.
I'm okay. 
I'm okay.
Bob, what are you doing?
Where are we going, we should call the police.
Anita, shut up.
You need to get in you car and get the hell out of here now.
- Megan, let's get in the car, okay.
- What took you so long?
I have been waiting here for half an hour and have been picked up on by ten different people which, two of them I didn't even know if they were
- a man or a woman.
- It doesn't really matter.
It's Hollywood. 
They're kind of interchangeable, okay.
- Where's Anita?
- She's already gone home.
Come on, I have a couple of life and death errands
- to run, alright.
- I'm bored and I'm not getting in this car unless you promise we can do something fun.
Alright, I'll take you bowling.
It's two for one night at Hollywood.
- We can bowl in Kalamazoo.
- I want to go on the Universal Tour.
- Yeah.
- We can't go to Universal, right, now alright, it's out of the question.
I'm not getting in the car.
Alright, I have an idea, let's go to Universal.
# How long has it been since we had some time for us #
# Just a little time together to do the things we love #
# Loosen up #
# Fire up your body engine hear it start to roar #
# It's a Universal weekend now you can roar #
[ Applause ]
- Well, how did you like it?
- Oh, it was awesome.
How about that King Kong?
I'd sure hate to have to brush his teeth.
I'd hate to be his dentist.
I don't know, I thought he was kind of cute.
Look. 
I'm glad you guys had a good time, but I've got to get you back to Michigan, right away.
- We don't want to go now.
- It is too dangerous here.
- You've got to go.
- Maybe Mom and Dad could help you.
I mean, they could lend you the ten thousand.
Yeah. 
You're mom would really like that.
Look this is my problem, alright.
And I don't want to drag you dad into it. 
It just wouldn't be fair that's all.
I don't think you're doing the right thing by letting this go.
I mean this is what I do.
Remember honor and integrity.
It's all part of the ninja dragon code.
Kevin, these guys don't care about the ninja code, the ninja philosophy, not even the ninja costume, okay.
All they care about is crippling a washed up agent named Bob Ryan.
Hey, they're not after me, Kevin, because I know the colonel's secret eleven herbs and spices.
They want their money and they want it now.
Come on, I lost the bet fair an square.
- I guess I'm a big time loser.
- I don't think you're a loser, Uncle Bob.
Thanks for saying that, Kevin.
You're really a nice guy.
You know, your heart is in the right place.
You're just a little mixed up right now, that's all.
I've been mixed up since 1972.
- Face the problem straight on.
- I'd love to face the problem.
But did you see the faces of those guys.
- They're really big guys.
- You don't have to fight them by using your fists.
You've got the truth.
Yeah, have you ever tried to stop a hard right
- punch with the truth?
- Give it a shot.
You've tried everything else.
Alright. 
I'll give it a shot.
and if the truth doesn't work
- I want you to remember one thing.
- What's that, Uncle Bob?
The number 911. 
Now eat your pizza, okay, it's getting cold.
Boy, I sure hope we don't run into guido and his thugs.
- Uncle Bob, give the truth a chance.
- You're right, you know.
I'm going to go right up to Tony's house and tell him the truth.
Good.
Now, you're sure the truth doesn't hurt.
Because you know, I'm a agent and I'm not used to telling the truth.
- What do you want?
- I'm here to see your boss, okay?
- No costume.
- Come on, give me a break, alright.
- I just want to see Tony.
- Sorry no costume, that is my orders.
Where am I supposed to get a costume now.
- In the costume room.
- Oh, well, why didn't you say so?
Uncle Bob, don't you feel like a fool dressed up like a clown with all these crazy people?
I get used to it. 
You do what you have to do alright.
- I feel like an idiot.
- You look like an idiot.
- I wouldn't talk if I were you.
- Kids, kids.
Look, nobody knows who we are. 
Just let's blend, alright.
Fine. 
I'm hungry. 
I'm going to get something to eat.
Don't pig out. 
I need a drink.
Let's go over here it's free.
I'll have a Jack Daniels.
Make it a double.
- I'll just have a coke.
- Make his a double, too.
You can save it for later.
Uncle Bob, have you ever seen one of Don Wilson'a movies?
Me? 
No, no.
Well, there are we things me will not do okay.
He will never drink and he will never walk away from a fight.
Well, I guess no one is going to mistake me for Don Wilson then.
Boy, you are really into this ninja stuff, aren't you?
- I am a ninja dragon, Uncle Bob.
- Well, Mister Ninja.
I hate to break it to you.
This is not a movie this is real life.
I know that, but the dragon's real.
I'm glad for the dragon. 
Look, Kevin, I did what you said.
I'm here.
I'm taking control of my life.
But I gotta tell you something.
I need this drink.
To the dragons.
Hi. 
Kind of cute for a pig.
I bet you say that to all the girls.
- So you in the business?
- What business?
The industry.
No, I just came here with my uncle Bob Ryan.
Oh, Bob Ryan. 
So where is he?
I don't know. 
Somewhere.
He's dressed like a clown.
- Who else do you know?
- Tommy Hart.
I get to meet him tonight at Vertigo.
Cool. 
Excuse me for a second.
What do you think Tony will do to you?
I'm not quite sure. 
I think it has to do with broken bones
- and a lot of blood.
- I think you need my help.
Look, Kevin. 
You know, you've helped me enough.
And I really appreciate it but I'm a big boy.
I'm going to have to learn to get by without your help.
It will all work out, Uncle Bob.
I'm sure it will one way or the other.
- I'm just hoping for the other.
- Even if the truth does't set you free at least you'll feel a lot better about yourself.
- Wow, hey, I like that.
- It's from the ninja dragon code.
And the ninja don't drink, right?
I'm done with this.
I've got to go see Tony.
- How do I look?
- Good.
Okay.
MAN: 
Hey, there's that clown Bob Ryan. 
Grab him!
- Hey.
- What are you supposed to be a pregnant zebra?
Listen, you know you're even stupider than you look.
I looked a lot smarter without the wig.
Really? 
Listen, I need the cash and I need it now.
Cough.
I'm here to see Tony.
You ain't going to see anybody until I get the twenty grand.
- Twenty grand?
- Interest! 
Now shut up!
I need to make an arrangement with Tony.
He wants to see Tony.
Here you want a Tony.
Here's your Tony stupid.
Now get out of here.
Send him to the basement.
Peace.
Uncle Bob, duck.
Wow. 
I'll get Megan.
Come on, get out of the way.
Get off my leg. 
You're like a dog.
I can't hit a little person it won't be nice.
Ouch!
Now we got him trapped.
Nice shot, huh?
Get off of me.
- We've got to go now.
- I'm eating.
Whoa!
I hate that kid.
Come on. 
Put me down will you.
- Look!
- Up there.
- It's a bird.
- It's a plane.
Nah, it's a ninja.
I said three wise guys, not three wise men.
You guys are pathetic.
Look, Uncle Tony.
I really could explain it.
Really?
Well, go ahead I'm all ears.
I'm curious, gypsies, professional wrestlers, ninja's, clowns.
There were clowns, there were clowns.
- And a midget too I suppose.
- Yeah, there was one of them.
Obviously we need a chance of strategy here.
Get me the animal.
Now!
Two tickets to Kalamazoo.
Okay, that will be twelve hundred sevently two dollars.
- There's got to be a mistake, right?
- No, sir, there's no mistake.
Without advance purchase, I'm afraid that's correct.
That's the problem then.
See, I'm not making a purchase,
I'm making an exchange.
I already have my tickets.
Not until next week you don't.
Next!
Wait a second. 
Wait a second.
Let me ask you something.
These tickets are for 12A and 12B, right? 
Okay. 
So are those seats available, right now?
- Yes, sir, they are.
- Okay.
And the plane leaves in thirty minutes?
- Yes, sir, it does.
- Then what is the problem?
There is no problem, sir.
If you come back next week you'll have your seats.
Next!
Wait a second.
I need those tickets, okay.
I'm being chased by a bunch of gangsters. 
They want to kill me, my niece and my nephew.
Well, that's very interesting, sir. 
If you come back next week you'll have your seats.
Thank you.
Wait a second, don't say next.
- Do you take credit cards?
- Of course we do.
Put twenty five dollars on that one. 
And, ahh...
Go as high as thirty eight on that one.
That one's no good. 
No.
Two hundred and fifty on this one.
Get out of here.
And you can put the balance on this one.
Make it snappy.
Here I got the tickets, this one's yours. 
This one's yours.
- I don't want to go.
- I'm not going until I see Tommy.
Will you forget Tommy.
You got to get on the plane.
It leaves in thirty minutes.
It's dangerous I mean all the good magazines will be gone.
All that will be left is field and stream.
Great like I want to be the first one on.
I'm going to the bathroom.
Does she usually talk to your parents like that?
- No, just you.
- Great, I'm special.
Hey, look, I know your disappointed about Don the Dragon.
But next time you come to visit
I promise you, you'll get to meet him.
Well, after Megan tells my parents what happened
I don't think there's going to be a next time.
Come on, don't say that.
You'll be back.
- I know it's just that...
- It's just what? 
What?
A ninja dragon is supposed to be there for you.
I'm sure the Dragon is there for you.
He's just there in spirit.
That's all.
Yeah.
You know, the flight leaves in ten minutes.
What is taking her so long?
Well, she kind of has a mind of her own.
Well, that may be good.
Yeah, but...
Oh, my God.
You don't think she...
Kevin, go on in and check and see if your
- sisters in there, alright?
- Uncle, this is the women's room.
It's L.A. it doesn't matter go on.
Thanks, ninja buddy.
WOMAN: 
Hey! 
Where are you going jump back scum!
It's okay, ladies, I was just looking for a little girl, that's all.
Bad choices of words.
- Where is she?
- She's probably going to Vertigo.
Does she have enough money for a cab.
Well, Dad gave her five hundred dollars.
Five hundred dollars.
We're in trouble, you know.
- Hi, Tommy.
- Hey, Megan.
- How you doing?
- Pretty good.
Why don't you sit down and join us?
Sure.
- Hi.
- Glad you could make it.
- Yeah, well, you know.
- Where you from?
- Michigan.
- Michigan. 
That's where I'm from.
- Where abouts?
- I'm from Kalamazoo.
Kalamazoo, I grew up in Canton.
You ever heard of it?
Yeah, sure, it's just outside of Detroit.
I have some cousins who live there.
- That's where I got my first break?
- Really.
I took some acting classes last year. 
I got straight A's.
- I never date actresses.
- Oh, well...
Actually, I hate acting.
Sometimes I don't even go to movies becasue it reminds me of acting.
But I always watch your films. 
You're a great actor.
- You want to dance?
- Sure.
Okay.
Hey, Guido. 
She's here, man.
I told you she'd show up.
She's here with Tommy Hart.
- Who's that?
- Tommy Hart, the soap opera star.
I hate that dude, I hate him.
Okay, listen, listen.
Get the boys together.
Because we're going to have a little rumble today, alright.
Let's go, let's go.
Hey, wake up the animal.
- Hey, Megan.
- What the hell is going on.
Oh, if it isn't the Rhinestone Cowgirl.
- Ha ha ha!
- Megan!
Are you alright?
Come on, Guido, take it easy, alright, man. 
I got your money.
You can have money, a car, anything you want.
Just leave these kids alone.
Look, I got your money, I got your money.
Tommy, are you okay?
I'm so sorry.
What the hell is going on.
Oh!
I hate kids.
Are you alright?
- Are you okay?
- The Dragon.
- Wow.
- What a floor show.
Don, I'm glad you got my message. 
Thanks for coming.
Bob, I told you to call me if you ever needed anything.
This is Hollywood, I didn't think you really meant it.
Huh... this is great kid you've got here.
Where you been hiding him?
I could really use someone like him.
What do you mean?
Like for your movies.
- Yeah.
- Well, I represent him.
I'm his agent.
He's my nephew Kevin Ryan.
- Don Wilson.
- I know.
Kevin, you're on.
Yeah, yeah. 
That's right.
No, listen, no scale plus ten anymore. 
Forget it.
Alright, I'll take to you in the am be patient.
I've got my own dressing room with my own phone and TV.
- Great.
- Uncle Bob,
Don just taught me this great move, watch.
Oh! 
It is great. 
I could feel the wind kick up as you came millimeters from my face.
- You guys having a good time?
- I'm having a great time.
This is the best vacation ever, Uncle Bob.
That's great. 
I want you guys to do me a big favor.
- What.
- Tell your mom.
Rolling, speed, action!
Captioned by Grantman Brown

NARRATOR: 
Previously on X-MEN...
What do you want from me?
I'm here to make sure you are still committed to our purpose, to destroy the X-Men.
Xavier, terrible violence.
Meet me at these coordinates.
Magneto! 
That's in Antarctica!
Bon voyage.
(LAUGHING)
Well, one good turn deserves another!
WOLVERINE: 
Plasma grenade!
JUBILEE:
Why would Morph want to hurt us?
BEAST:
Perhaps because we left him behind.
Yoo-hoo!
Lovebirds?
STORM: 
Morph, alive!
Such unexpected and welcome news!
JUBILEE:
Not like the Morph you used to know.
-Morph!
-You left me to die!
Morph, no! 
Come back!
Keep away from my friends!
(SCREAMING)
XAVIER: 
You seem well for a dying man, Magneto.
What do you mean?
It was you who had last words to share with me!
(BOYS LAUGHING)
Try again!
BOY 1: 
Stop moving so fast!
MJNARI: 
That wasn't so fast!
The mountain...
-BOY 1: 
What do you see?
-It's blowing apart!
(BOYS LAUGHING)
BOY 1: 
You're teasing!
Something very odd is happening in that part of Africa.
I can't see it, only sense it.
BEAST:
Curious. 
That wasn't there before.
ROGUE: 
Beast! 
Jean!
-Look what this cat drug in!
-Hello, Beast. 
Jean.
-I have missed you.
-And I, you!
Out of the hospital so soon?
(CHUCKLES) She told them she'd flood the kitchen if they didn't release her today.
-Hey, what's this light?
-To be honest, we're not certain.
I was using Cerebro to attempt a comprehensive scan in hopes of uncovering some disturbance, some sign of...
Of the Professor? 
You found him?
No. 
But we have found something else.
JEAN: 
There seems to be a tearing in the psychic or astral plane of the planet.
My guess, and that's all it is, is that our friend Bishop's time travel may have had far greater consequences than we imagined.
According to Cerebro's calculations, this tear seems to be shrinking as though healing itself.
But its location is... 
No! 
Mjnari!
We must warn the village.
(LAUGHING)
(MJNARI GROANING)
Mjnari!
(BOY 1 LAUGHING)
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
(BOAT CAPTAIN LAUGHING)
Now, let me get this straight.
You're looking for someone, but you don't know what he looks like 'cause he can look like anybody.
He's not one of them mutants, is he?
People here don't like...
Hey, Montgomery!
He never done that before.
Any stranger who comes this far upriver, I'd remember, whatever they looked like.
(SNIFFS)
Morph was here.
Well, I'll be...
ROGUE: 
Jean gets that weird astral plane reading from this part of Africa.
And my village calls with an emergency.
ROGUE: 
You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out there's a connection.
STORM: 
But what?
The villages!
Nature, respond to my command!
A wall of rain to quench the flames!
There you go, boys and girls.
Storm, it is good you have come.
I can't believe it!
These folks tell me there's a kid with an attitude causing all this mess.
Shani, what is happening here?
-It is Mjnari.
-No!
Okay, show us where this Mjnari character's at, and Storm and I'll go put a little fear of Storm into him,
-teach him some manners.
-No, wait!
This boy is my son.
SHADOW KING:
Rain! 
She has returned, as I planned.
Storm, godmother to this body, slave to this soul, how will you greet us?
Soon, very soon, you will return where you belong, into the service of the Shadow King!
(SHADOW KING LAUGHING)
MORPH: 
Every night at 5:
OO he turns into a bar! 
Get it?
(MORPH LAUGHING)
-I don't believe it.
-Everybody's a critic.
Spring break's over, Morph.
You're coming with me.
I don't think so, old man.
I figured you might follow me.
You never were very bright.
What do you think of your final resting place?
Whatever you're going through, Morph, I've been there.
The Professor saved me.
I'm gonna save you.
A little late, aren't you?
You're coming with me, one way or another.
You want to take me back? 
Why?
So we can go bowling?
Shoot some hoops?
Or maybe it's love you're missing.
When I'm with you, all I can think about is how much I'm in love with Cyclops!
(LAUGHING)
-Who could ever love a freak like you?
-No. 
Don't!
(MORPH LAUGHING)
(GROWLING)
(ROARING)
I gave birth to Mjnari, but Storm is the one who breathed life into him.
The birth was difficult.
The midwife helped me survive it, but the baby was not breathing.
I did what I could, and I was fortunate.
He lived.
During my recovery, Storm cared for Mjnari.
Storm had arrived in our village as an orphan.
She left as one of us, and second mother to my son.
A year ago, Mjnari developed special skills, like you, Storm.
But yesterday, something terrible happened to him.
He changed.
That's when Jean says the astral plane tore open somewhere around here.
Storm, please introduce me.
Shadow King! 
No!
What is happening to my son?
But Professor Xavier sent him spinning out into...
-The astral plane.
-Leave the boy alone.
It is I you want.
Yes, I will wait for you on the mountain.
Rogue, help the others.
Shani, do not worry.
Mjnari will be all right.
Are you crazy?
Xavier could barely handle this guy!
-Let me come along and we...
-Could harm Mjnari. 
I cannot allow that.
And the Shadow King could harm you.
Don't suppose I'm about to allow that!
What took you so long, my dear?
I thought we might reminisce about old times together.
Leave my son!
With pleasure.
As soon as you agree to a small exchange.
Don't try anything cute, you low-life street thief.
-Rogue, no!
-Wise decision.
Now that I am back from the living death, to which your precious professor condemned me,
I shall need some assistance rebuilding my empire.
I shall need you.
Agree to serve as my host body, with all your delicious powers,
-and I shall free the boy.
-Nothing doing!
If you leave the boy unharmed!
No! 
Don't throw your life away!
(ROGUE GROANS)
-Do it!
-Done!
ROGUE: 
No!
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
SHADOW KING: 
He locked me in a cold, dead world without light, without feeling!
But in this body, he will not dare attack me!
Xavier! 
I have won!
Now I shall rule my beloved Cairo as never before.
With my mind, these powers, every criminal in the city will have to work for me!
Mjnari, get out of here!
Things are gonna get nasty!
-But, Storm!
-It's too dangerous, darling.
Let me handle it.
Storm is occupied at present.
Kindly leave us before you anger her.
(GRUNTS)
All right, tough guy.
No more kid gloves.
Shadow King, old buddy, you're coming with me.
I think not.
I understand your body is rather crowded at the moment.
I prefer this one.
STORM:
Rogue, no! 
He will destroy you!
SHADOW KING:
No, I won't. 
Come closer.
Nature, I command you!
A vortex of wind to clear the air!
(SCREAMING)
MJNARI: 
Rogue!
I'm fast, but I'm still not that strong.
(ROGUE COUGHING)
-Mjnari, I told you, go!
-I have to help Storm!
-You don't know the Shadow King!
-He has my mother.
That's all I need to know.
(SCREAMING)
-Who took away the jungle?
-MORPH: 
Looks like I hit a nerve.
WOLVERINE: 
So you made me mad.
Happens all the time.
You should see me in line at the post office.
MORPH: 
Just a hint of what I can do to your mind.
Your body heals fast.
But when I'm through with you, your mind will never recover.
-I'll risk it.
-I wouldn't, if I were you.
WOLVERINE: 
You might look like me, but you don't fight like me.
Come on, give it up.
(ROARING)
The X-Men can help you!
(WOLVERINE SCREAMING)
-You don't get it, do you?
-Don't do this.
Without Xavier, there are no X-Men!
(MORPH GROWLING)
You're wrong!
Big hero.
You never listen.
I have to get through this by myself!
Morph!
When you're ready, I'll be there for you.
The X-Men will be there.
Don't fight me, Storm.
STORM:
No! 
You will not use me for evil as you did when I was a child!
SHADOW KING:
You don't have a choice! 
I'm in control!
STORM: 
I may not be able to stop you, but I can destroy you by destroying us!
Storm! 
Storm!
You can't take him any higher!
There ain't enough air!
STORM: 
I must do this, Rogue!
Storm!
Storm! 
Don't do it!
(SHADOW KING GASPING)
SHADOW KING: 
Cannot breathe.
Storm...
ROGUE: 
Gotcha.
MJNARI: 
Storm!
STORM: 
Mjnari!
Mother, are you all right?
Mjnari, listen to me. 
Run!
Go now! 
Rogue and I shall battle the Shadow King.
No, I cannot leave you!
You have to, darling!
If the Shadow King gets you again, he'll force Storm to do whatever he wants!
Not if I stop him first!
Kid, I know you're fast, but how do you plan to...
-MJNARI: 
The mountain!
-What about it?
That is where the monster came from!
It is a small cave now, but yesterday the opening was as big as the mountain!
No, sugar, he came from the astral plane somewhere...
The astral plane opening!
It's in the mountain!
And Mjnari can see it.
We must drive the Shadow King back into the astral plane before it reseals itself!
He's not gonna go peaceful, and we don't even know where he is!
-But I do.
-Mjnari, no!
For refusing me, I shall make you suffer!
Here! 
Over here!
All of nature, I command you, bring forth thunder and lightning!
MJNARI:
Come on, you coward! 
Come on!
(SHADOW KING LAUGHING)
STORM: 
We must drive the Shadow King back into the astral plane before it reseals itself...
Reseals itself...
Reseals itself...
And you are mine!
STORM: 
We must drive the Shadow King back into the astral plane before it reseals itself...
Reseals itself...
Reseals itself...
Mjnari! 
Mjnari!
If that opening's here, we'll find it!
STORM: 
Mjnari!
(SHADOW KING ROARING)
Mjnari! 
Rogue, over here! 
I have him!
Come to me, my son!
(SHADOW KING ROARING)
You are safe!
-You got a heck of a son there, Storm.
-I know.
You think there's any word from Xavier?
That, I do not know.
But I do know that his thoughts were with us today.
-Magneto? 
Are you all right?
-I am unharmed, Charles.
What is this place?
A rainforest in Antarctica?
-Am I dreaming?
-MAGNETO: 
No, Charles, it is real.
It's called the Savage Land, a valley hidden in perpetual mist, created eons ago for a purpose long forgotten.
My legs!
Strange. 
What would restore your...
My powers! 
They're gone!
As are mine!
-You seem to know this place.
-I thought I did.
But nothing about it ever affected mutant power before.
Perhaps, whoever lured us here is responsible... (PTERODACTYL SCREECHING)
XAVIER: 
Let him go!
Magneto!
Hold on! 
I'm coming!
Keep your head up.
We're going to make it.
(BOTH SCREAMING)

[Child's laughter]
It's about time!
Where were you?
[Hoarse voice] Writing my story.
Are you sick?
Laryngitis.
Yo-
- I don't want your germs.
What is that?
[Hoarsely] A typewriter.
I found it in the attic.
[Frank] Shoulda left it in the attic.
Hey, it works.
I typed my story on it.
What for?
'Cause my throat's killing me and I don't want to tell it.
Can you read it out loud for me?
Uh...
I'm not sure.
We've--we've never done that before.
Go ahead, Gar.
Be crazy.
Throw away the rules.
Start from the top.
Yeah...
I figured that.
Ahem.
"Writing a story down on paper
"is very different than telling it out loud.
"When a story's on paper,
"you can feel it.
You can see it.
"And others can read it as well.
"But beware:
"For once a story's written,
"it no longer belongs to the author, but has a life of its own."
"And for some stories,
"that can be a very dangerous life...
Indeed."
[Scratchy voice] Submitted for the approval-- ahem--of the Midnight Society,
I call this story...
"Now it is the time of night that the graves..."
SeanHackett had one passion in life:
Writing.
Actually, he had 2 passions:
Writing...
AndJenniferJohnson.
Everyotherstoryin Sean's notebook was about her, butJenniferonly thought of him as a friend.
Toobad.
"...this hallowed house.
"I am sent with broom before
"to sweep the dust behind the door."
[Bell rings]
Great story.
I was moved.
Hang on! 
Hang on.
Hang on.
Your assignment is to write a short story.
Your topic, but it's got to be at least 2 pages long.
Now, go away.
Ooh!
Ow.
Oh, man, sorry.
It's OK.
Ow!
Ow!
Wait.
Really swept her off her feet there, Romeo.
What are you gonna do next, run her down with your bike?
I think she likes me.
Yeah, right.
Bet she can't wait till you get your driver's license so you can hit her with the car!
This place is a disaster.
I know. 
My parents thought they were getting this great deal, but they spend a fortune from keeping it from falling down.
Boy, is this place creepy.
Remind me not to come over if there's thunder storms or something.
Uh-oh.
You got a detour?
Oh, no. 
How am I supposed to get up to my room?
How dangerous could it be?
Be careful.
The stairs are kinda--
Aah!
Rotten.
Thanks.
Wait a minute.
Yo, what's down there?
I dunno.
I'll get a flashlight.
Whoa! 
This is wild!
Cool! 
It's like a secret stash.
"October 13, 1932.
"The new mystery novel by the late James Ellington is a spine-tingling masterpiece."
Must be the guy who owned the place before.
Check this out.
"James Ellington, writer and inventor,
"disappeared in 1931
"and was found dead one year later...
Murdered."
A secret room just to hide this?
Waste.
No, it's a classic.
They don't make 'em like this anymore.
That's 'cause it's junky.
I gotta go. 
Later.
Yeah, later.
Shawn:
It was the night oftheschool Halloween dance, anightwhen anything could happen, anditdid.
[Upbeat music plays]
Vat is your name, Princess?
Jennifer.
Good evening, Jennifer.
I am Count Sean.
[Snap]
[Fast music stops]
[Slow music plays]
Wedancedforhours.
Nothingcouldhave ruined the night.
Thenslowly,we movedto a dark corner of the room.
Andwiththatfatalkiss , shewillbe mineforever.
Aah!
Aah!
Excuse me.
Sorry.
Oh!
Whoa!
What's wrong?
Um...
Nothing.
You sure?
Yeah. 
I'm just being strange.
Don't worry about it.
I, um...
I had a nightmare last night.
Can you believe that?
I'm still having kids' nightmares.
Everybody does.
But this was, like, so real.
I was at the school dance, and a vampire shows up.
Weird thing was...
Don't laugh.
The vampire...
was you.
So she saw a vampire movie on TV, thought of you, put the 2 together, and bingo-- nightmare time.
But it was exactly what I wrote.
What are you trying to say?
You think she's a mind reader?
No. 
I don't know.
It's just weird.
I gotta do that story for English.
Do yours yet?
No. 
I'm a last-minute kinda guy.
OK.
[Sean] One cold and foggy night,
Billysnuckintoacrumbling old graveyard on a dare, searchingforthegrave of...
Blind Paul.
Hedidn'tbelieve the stories aboutthegraveyard being haunted...
Butheshouldhave.
No way!
[Twig snaps]
[Heavy breathing]
W-who--who's there?
[Breathing]
Who are you?
!
What do you want?
Aah!
Aah!
No!
Let me out!
Billyneverfoundhis way  out of the graveyard, andnobodyeverdiscovered what happened to him.
Asfaras anyoneknew, itwasBlindPaul resting below.
The end.
Aah! 
Let me out!
Please....
H-help.
Then the lid slammed, and I was buried alive.
It was so real!
Talk about weird.
More than you know.
Does this sound familiar?
"One cold and foggy night,
"Billy snuck into a crumbling old graveyard on a dare, searching for the grave of--"
"Blind Paul"?
No way!
I'm not buying it.
Does this sound familiar?
"Billy pounded on the closed coffin, shouting, no, let me out!
Help!"
I think this is what happened to Jennifer, too.
I wrote it, and you guys dreamt it.
It's the typewriter.
That's why it was hidden!
It's got some kind of power.
Is that possible?
Could this be a...
Dream machine?
Oh, baby!
This is like power!
Whose head do you want to get into first?
We gotta think about this.
What's to think? 
We can terrorize everybody!
We can--no! 
My mom's gonna kick my butt.
Don't tell anybody about this, all right?
Don't worry. 
I don't want to get locked up.
Cool. 
Sean, my man, this is gonna be an amazing adventure.
Sweet dreams.
Jennifer?
Will you come with me tothemostprivate place on earth?
[Typing sound]
Sean?
Where are we?
The most private place on earth:
Your dream...
I hope.
Jennifer...
Do you remember that vampire nightmare you had?
Yeah.
I think I wrote it.
What do you mean?
Well, I made it up...
Like I'm making this up right now.
This isn't real.
It's a dream I'm creating for you with this.
I don't get it.
It's a dream machine.
If I type out a story about somebody, they'll dream it.
Bla!
Look familiar?
Anything I imagine can happen.
Hold out your hand.
It's wonderful.
But it's scary.
I need to find out if it's true.
When I end this, I want you to call me, OK?
OK.
Sorry.
Thewhitecloudroseup around them...
Andthedreamwas over.
Theend.
Oh, I knew this was bogus.
[Ring]
[Bell rings]
Ahh.
OK, kiddies.
Turn them in.
Now?
Let's go.
This is it.
And, uh...
Thisisit .
Lemme read this masterpiece.
Ahem.
"TheHalloweenDance, by Sean Hackett."
"It was the night of the school dance, a night when anything can happen... and it did."
Whew. 
Ha.
Sean?
Sean!
What is your name, Princess?
What's going on?
This is my dream!
I know! 
It's the story I wrote, but--
But this is real!
It's really happening!
"We danced for hours.
"Nothing could ruin the night.
Then slowly we moved to a dark corner of the room."
Hey! 
This is pretty good.
Sean, I'm scared.
How is this happening?
It's the story.
Billy's reading it, and it's coming true just the way I wrote it!
Wait. 
If this is all coming true, that means--
Aah!
"The vampire opened his mouth, bearing his razor-sharp fangs."
Fangs?
!
Man, this is pretty gruesome for--
Hey!
Guys?
Whoa!
Aah!
What was that?
What happened?
That wasn't a dream, was it?
We were really there, weren't we?
And I was gonna bite you on the neck for real, wasn't I?
Guys... what is this?
I think we just discovered another feature for our little dream machine.
Watch.
"TheHalloweenDance, by Sean Hackett."
Yo!
What does it mean?
It means that it isn't just a dream machine.
If you read a story written on this thing, it's gonna come true!
So if I didn't stop reading--
I would have bitten Jennifer on the neck like the story said.
This is too weird.
We have to tell somebody.
We--we have to--
Uh-oh!
What's the matter?
Guys, this isn't the only story I wrote!
Wait a minute.
What other story--
Oh, man!
What?
We gotta stop her!
Hello?
Mmm!
So what happens in the story?
You don't wanna know!
Hey, I don't wanna know.
"Trapped,bySeanHackett."
Hmm.
Yes!
It's not here!
It's gotta be!
She must have it with her!
She's still here.
Her car's outside.
Guys, if we don't find it, I'm--
"Billy snuck into a crumbling old graveyard on a dare."
Ha.
He would.
Oh, no!
No.
No!
Help!
We gotta find her!
Where would she be?
John!
Jennifer!
This is nuts!
Stop reading!
Oh, great!
Mrs. Dodds?
Mrs. Dodds!
She was here.
Come on!
"Billy tried to escape, but the strange shadows surrounded him."
Mrs. Dodds?
!
Where is she?
Mrs. Dodds!
"The ghost of Blind Paul was creeping closer and closer."
[Giggles]
I'm not going into that grave.
I'm not going into that grave!
I'm gonna stay right here and--
No!
It's too late. 
We're not gonna find her.
We can't give up!
When that story ends, Billy's going to--
The story.
The stories come true!
Aah!
What are you doing?
No!
Help!
Let me out! 
Stop!
"Bill never found his way out of the graveyard, and nobody ever discovered what happened to him."
Help!
Yes! 
Yes!
"As far as anyone knew, it was Blind Paul resting below."
No!
Read it.
Read it!
"The typewriter stopped glowing, and all the stories ever written on it never came true."
Aah! 
Aah!
Welcome back, dude!
Yes!
I don't know what you did, but you did it!
Sean wrote his best story yet.
Man, I say we trash that thing.
I don't think we have to worry about it anymore.
A-he-he-hem!
Is there something I can do for you?
No, I think we're fine.
The end."
That was great!
What happened to the--
Kiki?
What's it say?
"The headless warrior chased down
"each one of the Midnight Society one by one, until they were too tired to run."
Yeah, right.
Captioned by Grant Brown

Hello here.
Plectrum?
Good evening.
This is off our first record.
Most people don't own it.
Thanks.
This is our friend Lori Goldston on cello.
And this is our new guitar player, Pat.
He's a certified honorary punk rocker.
Thank you.
But he likes Queen better.
This was written by The Vaselines.
Well, it's a rendition of an old Christian song, I think.
But we do it The Vaselines' way.
One, two, three, four.
I guarantee you I will screw this song up.
So...
- What song is it?
- You know which part.
I at least know which part I'll screw up.
- Thanks.
- He only screws one up.
Thanks. 
That was a David Bowie song.
Well, thanks.
- That was...
- I didn't screw it up, did I?
No.
OK, but here's another one I could screw up.
- What is it?
- Am I gonna do this by myself?
- Pennyroyal Tea.
- Do it right.
- Are you gonna not sing?
- No.
- Do it by yourself.
- OK.
I think I'll try it in a different key.
I'll try it in the normal key, and if it sounds bad... these people will have to wait.
We'll do it over.
Do you have a smoke?
That sounded good.
Shut up.
What?
Really?
Let's do it now then.
We can't play those two back-to-back, can we?
- After On A Plain.
- OK.
But On A Plain's tuned down to a D.
Let's play 'em back-to-back, who cares?
It'll be edited. 
This is a television show.
John, we're gonna do Dumb now, dummy.
One, two, three, four.
We didn't want to play these two songs in a row because they're exactly the same song.
So...
Ready?
Can I have a little bit more monitors...
Ian, my vocals?
Ready?
One, two, three, four.
Thank you.
Yeah, I need you to do a little beat so I can keep time.
- Can you hear that?
- Yeah.
Thank you.
I only have three cups of tea already but thank you.
- Kumbaya!
- Hurry up?
ls that what you said?
Remember the little black bird on Davey And Goliath?
- Little what?
- The little black bird sang Kumbaya.
No, I don't remember the little bird.
Remember that really evil episode where he was mad at this kid and he had all these visions of...
"First, I'm going to take him up to a hill
"and tie him to a tree, and tar and feather him!"
It was evil. 
That wasn't Christian at all.
- .. 
Interpretation.
- Yeah.
- ..
Old Testament.
- Yeah.
What's next?
We're supposed to play the Meat Puppets' song.
Right?
OK, great.
Brothers Meat, come up on stage.
- That's an evil show, it scares me.
- Yeah.
It always did when I was a kid.
I thought the last one was your last one?
Shall I go with those guys?
These are the Brothers Meat Puppets.
We're big fans of theirs.
Strap on your gee-tar.
..Down.
- What?
- Nail it down.
What does that mean?
Nail what down?
You want us to play Nine Inch Nails songs?
I'm gonna read an anecdote.
Freebird!
I've been waiting for that.
I got a free bird for you right here.
I don't know how.
What do we wanna do first?
Time has come today.
OK. 
Do you wanna do Plateau first?
What are they tuning, a harp?
We're a rich rock band, we should have a whole bunch of extra guitars.
- OK.
- That's Curt and that's Cris.
No, I'm Cris.
I'm Thing One, that's Thing Two.
Cover your hair and your eyes then.
OK, this is called Oh, Me.
You had the words.
One more. 
This is called Lake Of Fire.
All these songs are off our second record.
Ready-o.
Thank you. 
Thanks for your time.
Thank you, Nirvana!
That was the Meat Puppets.
- What now?
- Let's see.
- Any requests?
- Sliver!
Sliver, that's a good one.
Lead Belly.
How are we supposed to play In Bloom acoustically?
I need a plectrum.
Yeah.
Thank you.
- Wanna try Sliver?
- What?
- Maybe. 
I don't know.
- What?
Sliver?
I don't think we should do that one.
You gotta scream in it.
Yeah, I have to scream in it.
Not that I've been doing that all night.
- What else you wanna do?
- D-7.
That's not our song.
We've been playing covers all night.
Rape Me.
That's for Tori Amos.
- No, I'm sorry, this is the last song...
- Shame!
This is the last song of the evening.
- Rape her!
- Rape you!
Jeremy.
Play Jeremy!
What are we doing?
- How much time do we have?
- An hour about...
I don't even know how to play that.
Neither do I. Everything they've been blurting out I don't know how to play.
In Bloom!
I can't think of anything.
- What about, um...
- He'd like some more requests.
- Serve The Servants!
- Scentless Apprentice!
Rape Me!
- Was that Kennedy?
- I don't think MTV would let us play that.
We can do two things...
Fuck you all, this is the last song of the evening.
What is it?
This was written by my favorite performer.
Our favorite performer, isn't it?
All of ours?
You like him the best?
If you could give us a donation...
Kurt wants to buy Lead Belly's guitar...
Yeah, this guy representing the Lead Belly estate wants to sell me Lead Belly's guitar for $500,000.
We're passing a basket if anybody wants to...
I even asked David Geffen personally if he'd buy it for me.
He wouldn't do it.
OK.
Thank you.

Resistance is futile.
You will disarm your weapons and escort us to Sector 001.
If you attempt to intervene,
- we will destroy you.
- Red alert!
Load torpedo bays, ready phasers.
Move us to position alpha, Ensign.
- They've locked on.
- Reroute auxiliary power.
Our shields are being drained!
64 percent... 42.
Recalibrate shield mutation.
Modulation is having no effect.
- Shields have failed!
- Full reverse.
Maintain on.
Damage report.
- Damage report!
- Damage to warp core.
Containment failure in five minutes.
Direct hit! 
Decks one through four.
Let's get the civilians to the escape pods, Lieutenant.
Get to your assigned evacuation area now.
Damage to warp core.
Containment failure in four minutes.
- l'll take care of her. 
You go on.
- Have you seen Jennifer?
Jennifer?
Jake!
Damage to warp core.
Containment failure in three minutes.
I'm gonna get your mom.
You're gonna be OK.
Jennifer?
OK, Jake. 
We'll get your mom out and we'll get out of here.
- Commander!
- Help me!
Jennifer, hold on.
Sir!
- Help me get her free!
- There's nothing we can do.
We have to leave!
Warning. 
Damage to warp core.
Containment failure in two minutes.
Ensign, take the boy.
- We've got to go now, sir.
- We just can't leave her here!
Jake, you're OK.
- Stand by to launch.
- Ready.
Jake, there you are.
- How are they biting?
- Small fries. 
Threw them back.
- Want to go for a swim?
- We have to get ready.
It won't be so bad. I've heard that Bajor is a beautiful world.
Why can't we live on the planet instead of some old space station?
The station is in orbit of Bajor.
It will be just like shore duty.
- Will there be kids there?
- Absolutely! 
Lots of kids.
- Bridge to Sisko.
- Yes, Captain?
We're approaching Deep Space 9, Commander.
- Docking in seven minutes.
- Acknowledged.
Come on.
What do you say?
We'll take the pond with us.
Computer, end programme.
is that it?
Commence Station Log, Deep Space 9.
Commander Benjamin Sisko.
Stardate 46388.2.
At the request of the Bajoran government,
Starfleet is to establish a Federation presence in this system following the withdrawal of the Cardassian forces.
The first officers, including Chief of Operations, Miles O'Brien, arrived two days ago on the Enterprise.
The Cardassians had some fun the day they left.
Four Bajorans were killed trying to protect their shops.
Why hasn't anybody cleaned up?
All available personnel are repairing primary systems.
The Cardassians took everything of value.
We're virtually defenceless.
I discussed this with Major Kira, the attaché of the Bajoran government...
Understood.
- What about the civilians?
- A lot of them lost everything they had.
A few are trying to rebuild but most are packing up to leave.
Welcome, Commander.
Please enter.
The Prophets await you.
- Another time, perhaps.
- Another time.
When my wife Keiko saw our quarters, she spoke about visiting her mother in Kumamoto.
I wouldn't let the boy go roaming.
We're still having security problems.
Dad, there is nothing to sleep on except a cushion on the floor.
We can get you a real bunk off the Enterprise.
Captain Picard wants to see you as soon as possible.
He does?
Any word on our science and medical officers?
They're expected tomorrow.
Jake, I want you to stay here until I come back.
is this the food replicator?
They're all off line.
- There's plenty of emergency rations.
- Dad...
We're going to have to rough it until we get things up and running, OK?
- OK.
- OK.
What was the designer thinking about when they built this place?
I still haven't been able to find an ODN access.
That's the Prefect's office up there.
All others have to look up with respect.
Cardassian architecture.
Yes, sir. 
Major Kira's been using it.
is it my imagination or is it unusually warm?
The environmental controls in Ops are stuck at 32C.
We're working on it.
I guess it's time to meet Major Kira.
Sir, have you ever served with Bajoran women?
- No. 
Why?
- l was just wondering, sir.
- They've become meaningless!
- l don't agree, Kira.
You are throwing it all away.
All of you!
- You're being a fool!
- Then don't ask my opinion next time!
- Yes?
- l'm Benjamin Sisko.
I suppose you want the office.
I thought I'd say hello first and then take the office, but we could do it the way you like.
Hello.
- ls something bothering you, Major?
- You don't want to ask me that.
I have the habit of telling the truth even when people don't want to hear it.
Perhaps I want to hear it.
The Federation has no business being here.
The provisional government disagrees.
The government and I don't agree on a lot of things, which is probably why they sent me to this godforsaken place.
I have been fighting for Bajoran independence since I could pick up a phaser.
We drive the Cardassians out and what do our new leaders do?
They call up the Federation and invite them in!
- The Federation is only here to help...
- Yes, I know.
The Cardassians said the same thing 60 years ago.
When I was ordered here, I requested a Bajoran as my First Officer.
It made sense.
It still does, at least to me.
You and I will have to find some way to...
- Yes, Major?
- Odo, are you reading something at A-14?
My security array has been down for two hours. I'll meet you there.
We've had a lot of break-ins.
No need for you to come along, Commander.
Hurry up!
Now!
Now!
Just stand where you are!
Hold it!
- That's enough!
- Who the hell are you?
Odo, this is our new Starfleet Commander.
I don't allow weapons on the Promenade.
That includes phasers.
Nog? 
What's going on?
The boy's in a lot of trouble.
Commander, my name is Quark.
I used to run the local gambling establishment.
This is my brother's boy.
Surely you can see he has only a peripheral involvement in this.
We're scheduled to depart tomorrow.
If we could take him, I promise you he will be severely...
That won't be possible.
Take him to the brig.
Quark probably sent them here to steal the ore samples.
There's a Ferengi legal tradition called plea bargaining.
I might let the boy go, but I want something from Mr Quark.
Something very important.
- O'Brien to Commander Sisko.
- Go ahead.
Sir, the Enterprise hailed us again.
Captain Picard is waiting to see you.
Acknowledged.
This won't take long.
Come.
Commander, please come in.
- Welcome to Bajor.
- lt's been a long time, Captain.
- Have we met before?
- Yes, sir. 
We met in battle.
I was on the Saratoga at Wolf 359.
I assume that you have been briefed on the events leading to the Cardassian withdrawal.
Yes, sir. I understand they spent the last half-century robbing the planet of every valuable resource before abandoning it.
They've left the Bajorans without a means of being self-sustaining.
The relief efforts we've been co-ordinating are barely adequate.
I... I've come to know the Bajorans.
I'm a strong proponent for their entry into the Federation.
- ls it going to happen?
- Not easily.
The ruling parties are at each other's throats.
Factions united against the Cardassians have resumed old conflicts.
Sounds like they're not ready.
You must do everything short of violating the Prime Directive to make sure that they are.
I have been made aware by Starfleet of your objections to this assignment.
I would have thought that after three years at the Utopia Planitia Yards, you would be ready for a change.
I have a son that I'm raising alone.
This is not the ideal environment.
As Starfleet officers, we cannot always serve in an ideal environment.
I realise that, sir.
I'm investigating the possibility of returning to Earth for civilian service.
Perhaps Starfleet Command should be considering a replacement for you.
- That's probably a good idea.
- l'll look into it.
- ln the meantime, however...
- ln the meantime, I will do the job I've been ordered to do to the best of my ability, sir.
Dismissed.
It's quite simple, Quark.
- You're not going to leave.
- Not going to leave?
- We're packed and ready to go.
- Unpack.
I don't understand, Commander.
Why would you want me to stay?
I'm curious myself.
The man is a gambler and a thief.
- l'm not a thief.
- You are a thief.
- lf l am, you haven't been able to prove it.
- Please!
My officers, the Bajoran engineers, all their families depend on the shops and services of this Promenade.
If people like you abandon it, this is going to become a ghost town.
We need someone to step forward and say,
"l'm staying. I'm rebuilding."
We need a community leader and it's going to be you, Quark.
- Community leader?
- Seems reasonable.
You have the character references of a politician.
How could I operate my establishment under Starfleet rules of conduct?
This is still a Bajoran station.
We're just here to administrate.
You run honest games, you won't have any problems from me.
Commander, I've made a career out of knowing when to leave and this Bajoran provisional government is far too provisional for my taste.
When governments fall, people like me are lined up and shot.
There is that risk.
- But then you are a gambler, Quark.
- And a thief.
That poor boy is about to spend the best years of his life in a Bajoran prison.
I'm a father myself.
I know what your brother must be going through.
The boy should be with his family, not in some cold jail cell.
Think about it.
It's up to you.
At first, I didn't think I was going to like him.
Major?
Everyone else is busy repairing the primary systems.
I suppose Starfleet officers aren't used to getting their hands dirty.
In the refugee camps, we did whatever needed to be done.
Didn't matter who you were.
I was just talking with our good neighbour, Quark.
He's laying odds that the government's going to fall.
Quark knows a good bet when he hears one.
This government will be gone in a week and so will you.
What happens to Bajor then?
Civil war.
You think it's inevitable?
The only one who can prevent it is Opaka.
- Opaka?
- Our spiritual leader.
She's known as the Kai.
Our religion is the only thing that holds my people together.
If she called for unity, they'd listen.
Leaders of all the factions have tried to get to her, but she's reclusive, rarely sees anyone.
Commander it is time.
I apologise for the condition in which we greet you.
The Cardassians?
Your arrival has been greatly anticipated.
Have you ever explored your "pagh", Commander?
Pagh?
A Bajoran draws courage from his spiritual life.
Our life force, our "pagh", is replenished by the Prophets.
Breathe.
- Kai Opaka, if we could discuss...
- Breathe!
Ironic.
One who does not wish to be among us is to be the Emissary.
Please, come with me.
You are correct that Bajor is in great jeopardy, but the threat to our spiritual life outweighs any other.
- But I am powerless until...
- Commander... I cannot give you what you deny yourself.
I'm sorry?
Look for solutions from within, Commander.
Come with me.
What is it?
The Tear of the Prophet.
What the hell...?
Opaka?
Ow!
Hey!
I'm sorry. lt's just that this...
- Jen?
- Yes?
Jennifer?
I'm sorry. 
Did we meet last night at George's party?
George?
Jennifer...
Wait a minute.
- This is impossible.
- Are you OK?
I know this place.
This is Gilgo Beach, where we met.
We met here before?
I was carrying three lemonades.
The sand was burning my feet, and I stopped here to...
Ow!
Do you realise how incredible this is?
No, of course you don't.
Jennifer have a lemonade.
I'm afraid I don't accept drinks from strange men on the beach.
So tell me the truth.
Have we really met before?
No.
Then how do you know my name?
I...
George told me at the party.
Are you going tell me your name?
Ben Sisko.
I just graduated from Starfleet Academy.
I'm waiting for my first posting.
- A junior officer?
- Yeah.
My mother warned me to watch out for junior officers.
Your mother is going to adore me.
You're awfully sure of yourself.
It's not every day you meet the girl you're going to marry.
Do you use this routine a lot with women?
No. 
Never before and never again.
Sure.
How about letting me cook dinner for you tonight?
My father was a gourmet chef.
I will make for you his famous aubergine stew.
- l don't know.
- You're supposed to say, 'Yes!
' l'll probably be sorry.
Jennifer!
Nine Orbs, like this one, have appeared in the skies over the past 10000 years.
The Cardassians took the others.
- Find the Celestial Temple before they do.
- The Celestial Temple?
Tradition says the Orbs were sent by the Prophets to teach us.
What we have learned has shaped our theology.
The Cardassians will do anything to decipher their powers.
If they discover the Celestial Temple, they could destroy it.
What makes you think I can find your temple?
- This will help you.
- Kai Opaka... I can't unite my people till I know the Prophets have been warned.
You will find the Temple.
Not for Bajor, not for the Federation, but for your own "pagh."
It is quite simply the journey you have always been destined to take.
What?
I was just thinking how much you look like your mom.
Kira to Sisko.
- Go ahead.
- Sorry to disturb you, Commander.
There's something on the Promenade you might want to see.
On my way.
Step up, step up!
Fortune's fates are with you today, friends.
Dabo!
That's fine.
I'll be right back...
- What will you have, Commander?
- How's the local synthale?
You won't like it.
I love the Bajorans.
Such a deeply spiritual culture, but they make a dreadful ale.
Never trust ale from a god-fearing people or a Starfleet Commander that has one of your relatives in jail.
Station Log, Stardate 46390.1.
The Enterprise has been ordered to the Lapolis system.
They're to depart after off-loading three Runabout-class vessels.
Our medical and science officers are arriving, and I'm looking forward to a reunion with a very old friend.
If you'd like me to give them a tour...
You and Dr Bashir go ahead.
I have to put Lieutenant Dax to work.
Jadzia...
Maybe we could...
get together later for dinner?
Or...a drink?
I'd be delighted.
He's a little young for you, isn't he?
- He's 27. I'm 28.
- 328, maybe.
Did you tell him about that slug inside of you?
He knows I'm a Trill.
He finds it fascinating.
He's never met a joined species.
I wonder if he'd be as fascinated if you looked the way you did last time I saw you.
Perhaps not.
This is going to take some getting used to.
Don't be ridiculous.
I'm still the same old Dax.
More or less.
I'm afraid we've had some security problems.
- Looks like looters got in here.
- This'll be perfect.
Real frontier medicine.
Frontier medicine?
Major, I had my choice of any job in the fleet.
Did you?
I didn't want a cushy job or a research grant. I wanted this:
the farthest reaches of the galaxy, a remote outpost.
This is where the adventure is.
This is where heroes are made.
Right here, in the wilderness.
This "wilderness" is my home.
The Cardassians left behind injured people, Doctor.
Make yourself useful by bringing your medicine to the natives.
You'll find them a friendly, simple folk.
The monks have been studying these things for 10000 years.
Our computers can interface with their historical databanks.
That should give us something.
Soon as possible, Dax.
The eight other Orbs are probably in a Cardassian laboratory, being turned upside down and inside out.
Benjamin, I was happy you accepted this assignment.
- l've been worried.
- lt's good to see you, too... old man.
Computer, create a database for all references to the Orbs, including reports of any unexplained phenomena in Bajoran space.
Time parameters?
- Ten millennia.
- lnitialising database.
Requested function will require two hours to complete.
Curzon.
The Captain's in the ready room, Chief.
Should I tell him you're here?
That's OK. 
Thanks.
- Transport me to the Ops pad, Maggie.
- Yes, sir.
Mr O'Brien? 
I understand that I just missed you on the Bridge.
Yes, sir.
I didn't want to disturb you, sir.
Ensign.
- This is your favourite transporter room.
- Number three. 
Yes, sir.
Yesterday I called down here and I asked for you without thinking.
- lt won't be quite the same.
- lt's just a transporter room, sir.
Permission to disembark, Captain.
Permission granted.
Energise.
Message coming in from their Commander, Gul Dukat.
He used to be the Cardassian Prefect of Bajor.
He's requesting permission to come aboard to greet us.
Surely a coincidence that the Enterprise just left.
Mr O'Brien, tell Gul Dukat I look forward to meeting him.
Good day, Commander.
Gul Dukat.
Excuse my presumption, but this was my office only two weeks ago.
I'm not used to being on this side of the desk.
I'll be honest with you, Commander.
I miss this office.
I was not happy to leave it.
Drop by any time you're feeling homesick.
You are very gracious.
And allow me to assure you that we only want to be helpful in this difficult transition.
You're far from the Federation fleet, alone in this remote outpost with poor defence systems.
Your Cardassian neighbours will be quick to respond to any problems you might have.
We'll try to keep the dog off your lawn.
So tell me. 
What did you think of Kai Opaka?
I know you went to the surface to see her.
I understand you brought back an Orb.
We thought we had all of them.
Perhaps we could have an exchange of information, pool our resources?
I know nothing about an Orb.
We will be in close proximity if you wish to reconsider my suggestion.
In the meantime, I assume you have no objection to my men enjoying the hospitality of the Promenade.
Commander.
What do you know about the Denorios Belt?
A charged plasma field.
No one gets near it unless they have to.
In the 22nd century, a ship carrying Kai Taluno was disabled in the Denorios Belt, where he claims he had a vision.
Let me guess. 
He saw the Celestial Temple of the Prophets.
Not quite.
But he said that the heavens opened up and nearly swallowed his ship.
Are we reduced to chasing metaphors to solve this?
That's not all.
At least five of the Orbs were found in the Denorios Belt.
There were also 23 navigational reports over the years of unusually severe neutrino disturbances in the same area.
I've correlated all these reports into one analysis grid.
Our Celestial Temple?
Worth a look, but we've got Cardassians on our back doorstep.
We need to get by them undetected.
May we have your attention?
This establishment is being closed.
What do you mean?
You can't do this.
If you have a problem, take it up with Commander Sisko.
I intend to. 
This is outrageous.
Friends, my apologies.
A minor misunderstanding that will be rectified shortly.
Give them something to put their winnings into.
Because we were winning too much, of course.
Leave it to Starfleet to ruin a fine day.
Rio Grande to Ops.
lnitialising pre-launch systems.
Scanners are picking up fluctuations in the Cardassians' energy distribution net.
Their computers are crashing.
Shields and sensors are down.
Odo's done it. 
Ops to Rio Grande.
- You're in business.
- Beginning launch sequence.
- Odo's reached the transport site.
- Trying to lock on.
I've never done this with a Cardassian transporter.
Damn it! 
What's the problem?
Nice work, Constable.
- Approaching grid perimeter.
- Slowing to one-quarter impulse.
Computer, give me visual, bearing 23 mark 217.
Range 3,100 kilometres.
Sensors are picking up high proton counts.
Setting a new course.
External wave intensities are increasing rapidly, but checking...
There is no corresponding increase inside the cabin.
How is that possible?
- Sensors are not functioning.
- We've lost contact with the station.
Scanners are reading major subspace disruption at their last co-ordinates.
What the hell is happening out there?
I don't know.
They're just gone.
Are your navigational readings going crazy?
- l'll recalibrate when I can.
- Take your time.
Can you get a fix on our co-ordinates?
There is a star five light years away.
No M-Class planets.
Computer, identify closest star system.
idran, a ternary system consisting of twin O-type companions.
- That can't be right.
- Basis of identification?
idran is based on the analysis conducted in the 22nd century by the Quadros-1 probe of the Gamma Quadrant.
70,000 light years from Bajor?
We just found our way into a wormhole.
It's not like any wormhole I've seen.
There were no resonance waves.
Could this be how the Orbs found their way to the Bajoran system?
Not an unreasonable hypothesis.
If it's true, this has been here for 10,000 years.
We might have discovered the first stable wormhole known to exist.
Bring us about, Lieutenant.
I'm modifying the flight programme to compensate for the spatial discontinuities.
We should have a smoother ride this time.
Did you reduce impulse power?
- No. 
Why?
- We're losing velocity.
Forward velocity down to 80 kph.
Warning. lmpulse system overload.
Auto shutdown in 12 seconds.
- Disengaging engines.
- Velocity at 20 kph.
I'm picking up atmosphere.
Inside a wormhole?
Capable of supporting life.
- We've just landed.
- On what?
It's beautiful.
You have a strange eye for beauty, Dax.
This isn't one of the most idyllic settings you've seen?
We are standing on a rock face!
Do you see the storm?
It's as clear as a summer's day.
- You see it, too?
- Yes.
Low-level ionic pattern.
It's probing us.
Someone's idea of shaking hands, maybe.
I am Commander Benjamin Sisko of the United Federation of Planets.
Dax!
Another neutrino disruption.
Scanners are picking up an object near their last co-ordinates.
It isn't a ship.
Major, there's something inside it, some kind of life-form.
Are the Cardassians picking it up?
They should be back on line by now.
Yellow Alert. 
Secure Ops.
Beam it aboard, Mr O'Brien, but put it in a level-1 security field.
Aye, sir. 
Locking on.
Who are you?
Who are you?
It is corporeal!
A physical entity.
What? 
What did you say?
It is responding to visual and auditory stimuli.
- Linguistic communication.
- Yes, linguistic communication.
Are you capable of communicating with me?
What are you?
My species is known as human.
I come from a planet called Earth.
- Earth?
- This is what my planet looks like.
You and I are very different species.
It will take time for us to understand one another.
What is this time?
First Officer's Log, Stardate 46392.7.
We're launching a rescue mission to find Commander Sisko, but must recalibrate our sensors to work under the conditions reported by Lieutenant Dax.
It is no ordinary wormhole.
My analysis suggests that it isn't even a natural phenomenon.
Not natural?
You mean it was constructed?
It's very possible whoever made the Orbs also created this wormhole.
The Cardassians are on a course toward the Denorios Belt.
Mr O'Brien, what would it take to move this station to the mouth of the wormhole?
This isn't a starship.
We've got six thrusters to power us.
160 million-kilometre trip would take two months.
- lt has to be there tomorrow.
- That's not possible.
That wormhole might reshape the future of this quadrant.
The Bajorans have to stake a claim to it.
That claim would be a lot stronger if there's a Federation presence.
Couldn't you modify the subspace field output of the deflector generators to create a low-level field around the station?
To lower the inertial mass?
If the station is lighter, those six thrusters are all we need.
The station could break apart if it doesn't work.
Even if it does work, we'll still need help from Starfleet.
The Enterprise is the nearest starship.
They could reach us in two days.
We should advise Starfleet that we require assistance.
You have Ops, Mr O'Brien.
- Lieutenant, you're with me.
- Aye, sir.
You too, Doc. 
Time to be a hero.
Yes, sir!
- Constable...
- l'm in charge of security.
Security here, on the station.
I cannot justify taking you into this wormhole.
Major, I was found in the Denorios Belt.
I don't know where l came from - no idea if there are others like me.
All my life, I've passed myself off as one of you, always wondering who I really am.
The answers to my questions may be on the other side of that wormhole.
You coming?
The creature must be destroyed before it destroys us.
- lt is malevolent.
- Aggressive. 
Adversarial.
- lt must be destroyed.
- l am not your enemy.
- l was sent by the people you contacted.
- Contacted?
With your devices, your Orbs.
We seek contact with other life-forms, not corporeal creatures who annihilate us.
I have not come to annihilate anyone.
Destroy it now.
My species respects life above all else.
Can you say the same?
I do not understand the threat that I bring to you, but I am not your enemy.
Allow me to prove it.
- Prove it?
- lt can be argued that a human is the sum of his experiences.
Experiences? 
What is this?
Memories.
Events from my past, like this one.
- Past?
- Things that happened before now.
You have no idea what I'm talking about.
What comes before now is no different than what is now, or what is to come.
It is one's existence.
Then, for you, there is no linear time.
Linear time? 
What is this?
My species lives in one point in time.
Once we move beyond that point, it becomes the past.
The future, all that is still to come, does not exist yet for us.
Does not exist yet?
That is the nature of linear existence.
If you examine it more closely, you will see that you do not need to fear me.
Partial field established.
instability at 12%.
Partial field?
is inertial mass low enough to break orbit?
- Procedure is not recommended.
- l didn't ask for an opinion.
Can we get enough thrust with only a partial field established?
- Affirmative.
- All right. 
Thank you.
lnitiate transit mode, three-axis stabilisation.
Engage thrusters.
Warning. 
Field integrity declining.
instability at 21%.
We have to close the gap in the field or we'll tear ourselves apart.
Warning. 
Subspace field collapse in 60 seconds.
Transfer energy from the inertial dampers to reinforce the subspace field.
- Procedure is not recommended.
- Transfer the energy!
Unable to comply. 
Level-1 safety protocols have cancelled request.
Warning.
Subspace field collapse in 30 seconds.
I'll transfer it manually.
On my mark, redirect the flow to the deflectors.
Keep the power balanced.
Field collapse in 15 seconds.
Now.
Field energy now within flight tolerances.
Good work, sir.
Computer, you and I need to have a little talk.
The Cardassian warship is in visual range.
On screen.
- They're headed right to it.
- They have to listen to reason, when we warn them what could happen if they go in.
Most people wouldn't know reason if it shook their hand.
You can count Gul Dukat among them.
This is Federation Ship Yangtze Kiang.
Major Kira Nerys in command.
Yes, Major?
We know you're headed for the wormhole.
Wormhole?
What wormhole is that?
I strongly suggest you do not proceed.
We encountered a hostile life-form inside.
Perhaps they will be less hostile to Cardassians than to humans.
These people are trying to save you from a lot of trouble.
Are you going to tell me that these are not the life-forms that have sent the Orbs?
Or that your Commander Sisko is not negotiating for their technology?
I thank you for your concern, but I think we will see for ourselves.
So much for reason.
Jennifer.
Yes, that was her name.
She is part of your existence.
She is part of my past.
She's no longer alive.
But she is part of your existence.
She was a most important part of my existence,
- but I lost her some time ago.
- Lost? 
What is this?
In a linear existence, we can't go back to the past to get something we left behind, so it's lost.
It is inconceivable that any species could exist in such a manner.
- You are deceiving us.
- No. 
This is the truth.
This day, this park... lt was almost 15 years ago, far in the past.
It was a day that was very important to me, a day that shaped every day that followed.
That is the essence of a linear existence.
Each day affects the next.
Listen to it.
- To what?
- The sound of children playing.
- What could be more beautiful?
- So you like children?
That almost sounds like a domestic inquiry.
I heard Starfleet officers don't want families because they complicate their lives.
They don't often find mates who want to raise families on a starship.
That almost sounds like a domestic inquiry.
I think it was.
As corporeal entities, humans find physical touch to cause pleasure.
Pleasure? 
What is this?
Good feelings.
Happiness.
But this is your existence.
It's difficult to be here, more difficult than any other memory.
Why?
Because...
Because this was the day that I lost Jennifer.
I don't want to be here.
Then why do you exist here?
- l don't understand.
- You exist here.
What's wrong?
What's happening?
We should reach the wormhole in two minutes.
Slowing to one-third imp...
Are you still there?
What just happened?
More of your kind.
Another ship in the wormhole?
Wormhole? 
What is this?
The passage that brought me here.
It is terminated.
Our existence is disrupted when you enter the passage.
Your linear nature is inherently destructive.
You have no regard for the consequences of your acts.
We're aware that every choice we make has a consequence.
But you claim you do not know what it will be.
We don't.
Then how can you take responsibility for your actions?
We use past experience to help guide us.
For Jennifer and me, the experiences in our lives prepared us for the day we met on the beach, helped us recognise we had a future together.
When we married, we accepted all the consequences of that act, including the consequences of you.
- Me?
- My son, Jake.
- The child with Jennifer.
- Yes.
- Linear procreation?
- Yes.
Jake is the continuation of our family.
The sound of children playing.
Aggressive. 
Adversarial.
Competition. 
For fun.
It's a game that Jake and I play.
It's called baseball.
Baseball? 
What is this?
I was afraid you'd ask that.
I throw this ball to you and this other player stands between us with a bat, a stick, and he...
And he tries to hit the ball in between these two white lines.
No.
The rules aren't important.
What's important is it's linear.
Every time I throw this ball, a hundred different things can happen.
He might miss or hit it.
The point is you never know.
You try to anticipate, set a strategy for all the possibilities, but in the end it comes down to throwing one pitch after another and seeing what happens.
With each new consequence, the game takes shape.
You have no idea what that shape is until it is completed.
That's right.
The game wouldn't be worth playing if we knew what was going to happen.
You value your ignorance of what is to come?
That may be the most important thing to understand about humans.
It is the unknown that defines our existence.
We are constantly searching, not just for answers to our questions but for new questions.
We are explorers.
We explore our lives day by day and we explore the galaxy, trying to expand our knowledge.
That is why I am here.
Not to conquer you with weapons or with ideas, but to co-exist and learn.
If all you say is true, why do you exist here?
First Officer's Log, supplemental.
We've met the space station at the co-ordinates of the wormhole.
Our scans have revealed no trace of the wormhole or Dukat's ship.
Three Cardassian warships have crossed the border, no doubt on their way to search for Dukat.
Can you establish a high-energy thoron field before they get within range?
I don't want them to scan our defence systems.
They're hailing us.
On screen.
I am Gul Jasad of the Cardassian guard, Seventh Order.
Where is our warship?
With any luck, in the Gamma Quadrant on the other side of the wormhole.
What wormhole?
Our sensors show no indication of a wormhole in this sector.
- That's because it just collapsed.
- What?
We believe it was artificially created.
That may be why we never picked up any quantum fluctuation patterns.
You expect me to believe that someone created a wormhole and now conveniently has disassembled it?
That's exactly what I expect you to believe.
They're flooding subspace with interference.
- lt'll cut off our communications.
- They're powering up their phasers.
Shields up.
What shields?
- They're hailing us again.
- Open the channel.
We do not accept your explanation.
Somehow you have destroyed our warship.
Gul Jasad, I assure you...
We demand the unconditional surrender of this space station or we will open fire.
I need at least a day to make the necessary preparations.
You have one hour.
I can transfer all power to establish partial shields around critical areas, but if they hit the docking ring, we'll sustain heavy damage.
Constable, if you would co-ordinate moving personnel to safer locations.
What was the last reported position of the Enterprise?
- At least 20 hours away.
- We must hold out till they get here.
The Cardassians wouldn't attack a Federation outpost.
- Ever read the history of the border wars?
- Yes.
Heard of the Setlik III Massacre?
Surrender is not a preferable option.
You know what they do to their prisoners, sir.
What is the point of bringing me back again to this?
We do not bring you here.
- You bring us here.
- You exist here.
Then give me the power to lead you somewhere else, anywhere else!
We cannot give you what you deny yourself.
Look for solutions from within, Commander.
- l was ready to die with her.
- Die?
What is this?
The termination of their linear existence.
We've got to go now, sir.
Damn it!
We just can't leave her here.
Oh, no!
- l never left this ship.
- You exist here.
I exist here?
I don't know if you can understand.
I see her like this every time I close my eyes.
In the darkness, in the blink of an eye, I see her like this.
None of your past experiences prepared you for this consequence.
And I have never figured out how to live without her.
So you choose to exist here.
It is not linear.
No.
It's not linear.
Their lead ship is hailing us.
Gul Jasad wants an answer.
- Are you ready, Mr O'Brien?
- Yes, sir.
When they penetrate our thoron field, it should raise a few eyebrows.
All right, then, let's give them our answer.
Fire six photon torpedoes across Jasad's bow.
We only have six photons, Major.
We're not going to win this battle with torpedoes.
Aye, sir.
An urgent hail from Jasad.
Looks like we got his attention.
On screen.
This is your answer?
You think Starfleet took command of this station without the ability to defend it?
Defend it?
Your space station could not defend itself against one Cardassian warship.
You're probably right, Jasad.
If you were dealing with a Starfleet officer, they'd probably admit... we have a hopeless cause here.
But I am just a Bajoran who's been fighting a hopeless cause against the Cardassians all her life.
So if you want a war, I'll give you one.
Major.
Remind me never to get into a game of Roladan Wild Draw with you.
They were using a field to block our sensors, but we were able to penetrate it.
What are their defences?
According to our scans, an estimated 5,000 photons, integrated phaser banks.
When did they receive these armaments?
How did they install them without our knowledge?
Somehow they have created a massive illusion of duranium shadows.
- What if it is not an illusion?
- lt is.
Why risk confrontation?
The Fourth Order can be here in a day.
So can Starfleet.
Their lead ship is asking for reinforcements.
- Yes!
- Too soon for a victory celebration.
Mr O'Brien?
The ships are being deployed in attack formation.
Battle stations.
Quickly, now. 
Calmly.
Come along.
They may just be testing us.
I could run a wave through the phaser banks.
Put out a blast that will make them think.
Do it.
- Damage report.
- Direct hit, level 14.
Empty storage bays.
No casualties.
Shields down to 27%.
A fuel conduit has ruptured on the Promenade.
- Can you divert the main power flow?
- The controls are locked.
Odo to Ops.
I've got wounded people down here!
- Have you seen that doctor of yours?
- l'm on my way.
I'll shut down the power flow or the whole Promenade will go up.
Bloody Cardassians!
I just got the damn thing fixed.
Press there, hard.
Doctor, maybe I should find you someone...
Hold it there.
That should do it for a while.
Shields are at 18% and falling.
I might be able to give you one more phaser blast.
No.
Signal the lead ship that we will proceed with...
Major, I'm picking up a huge neutrino disturbance off the forward docking ring.
It's the wormhole.
On screen.
Hail the lead ship.
What did I tell you, Jasad?
There's your wormhole!
- Rio Grande to DS9.
- On screen.
- Go ahead, Commander.
- Sorry to be late.
Gul Dukat had some problems on the other side of the wormhole.
- You've had a few of your own.
- A few, Commander.
Gul Dukat is signalling his ships to disarm.
- Clear me for docking, Mr O'Brien.
- Aye, sir.
Cleared for Pad C.
- Casualties?
- 13 injured, Commander, and no fatalities.
Jake!
Dad!
Station Log, Commander Benjamin Sisko.
Stardate 46393.1.
The life-forms who created the wormhole have allowed safe passage for ships travelling to the Gamma Quadrant.
The Cardassians have left the area.
Their warship being towed by a Federation Runabout took the heart out of their fight.
We're not done with the Cardassians yet, not with the strategic importance of the wormhole.
You've put Bajor on the map.
This will become a leading centre of commerce and of scientific exploration.
And for Starfleet, one of our most important posts.
Captain, regarding our conversation about someone to replace me... I'm sorry. I haven't had time to communicate that to Command.
I would prefer you ignore it, sir.
I'm not sure that I can.
Are you certain that's what you want?
- We cannot afford to have...
- l'm certain, sir.
Good luck, Mr Sisko.
So, where can someone practise with his phaser around here?
New rules?
You can't cheat every customer any more, Quark.
You are a community leader now.
Perhaps we could discuss these 'new rules' over a drink.
If you don't take that hand off my hip, you'll never be able to raise a glass with it again.
I love a woman in uniform.
Three vessels are requesting permission to dock.
We've been retrofitting the airlocks.
Half were damaged during the move, the others when the Cardassians blew out the fuel conduits...

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
- You know 
- I'm gonna let it shine
- Whoa 
- This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine
- Let it shine 
- Oh, yeah
- Jesus told me 
- You know my Jesus told me
- He said it's time to let my...
- Let my moonlight shine
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh 
- Jesus
- Oh 
- Told me
Whoa!
Young lady, what is wrong with you?
You just cut out all that wild gyration and blues shouting' in here.
Ain't the Fourth of July picnic, and you ain't singing'... with Mr. Bootsy Whitelaw and his slide trombone.
Show the Lord a little more respect.
Do you understand me?
Do you understand me?
Uh, "bright light", from "bright light".
Bright light, my little light
- I'm gonna let it shine 
- Oh
Bright light, my little light
I'm gonna let it shine
- My bright light 
- My pretty little light
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine
- Gonna let it shine, oh, yeah 
- Let it shine
- Oh, this little light of mine 
- This little light of mine
- Oh, yeah 
- I'm gonna let it shine
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 
- This little light of mine
- Yeah, yeah 
- I'm gonna let it shine
- Oh-oh-oh-oh 
- This little light of mine
- Oh, yeah 
- I'm gonna let it shine
- Let it shine, let it shine 
- Shine
Let it shine
I can't stay here and let him beat me like that.
You understand what I'm sayin' to you?
I tell you, I'm sick of that man!
- I ain't letting' him beat me no more.
- Girl, you better...
- I won't! 
I'm not goin' to unless you help.
- You take care of her.
- It's too much trouble to take care of both of'em.
- You can't leave Anna Mae here!
- You can't leave her!
- Take care of my baby!
You goddamn bitch!
She took Alline and not me.
How could she?
Don't you worry about a thing.
You're gonna stay with grandma, ya hear?
When is she coming back to get me?
She ain't, honey.
She just ain't.
- Lord, what I'm gonna do with another teenager?
- Well, she's not my mistake.
Alline, don't get fresh with me.
I'm not gettin' fresh, mama.
I wonder what she look like now.
Probably look like that damn no-good daddy of hers.
Now, you said you wasn't gonna start today. 
Mama, please...
- What, y'all don't recognize your own kin?
- Anna Mae!
- Alline!
- My God, is it her?
- Oh, Anna Mae!
- Anna Mae?
- Mama, look at her.
- Hi, sweetie, how ya doin'?
- Hi, ma.
- Look it here, you ain't nothin' but skin and bones.
Come here.
- All right, all right.
D'ya have a good ride, sweetie?
- Yes, ma'am.
Well, what'd ya bring with you, baby, some bags? 
You got some bags?
Oh, over... th-that big brown one right there.
- I'll get it.
- All right, come on.
- All right, come on.
- How'd you ever get so tall?
You know what? 
I kept all your letters, Alline.
I'm sorry we missed grandma's funeral.
- You know, by the time we heard, Anna Mae, it was...
- Yeah, I know.
- Mama, can I borrow some of your new perfume?
- Go ahead on, girl.
And that was some fine sweet potato pie, baby.
- Your grandma teach you how to cook?
- Who else?
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute, Anna Mae. 
Sit down.
Sit down.
Now, Anna Mae,
I know I wasn't around... but believe me, honey, you was too young to understand... what was goin' on with your daddy and me.
Did Alline understand?
She ain't that much older than me.
Now, don't think you gonna come live in my house... and make me feel bad.
You gonna pull your weight, girl. 
This ain't just some party town, ya hear?
Yes, ma'am.
Now, we all got jobs.
Tomorrow you start lookin'.
You headin' for the club, Alline?
Mm-hmm. 
Reggie gonna meet me there and wait for me till I'm ready to go.
- I want you to take Anna.
- Mama, I got to work.
- Reggie don't want nobody...
- Well, I have a date.
Go on, Anna Mae.
Put on a dress.
I need some privacy.
And, Anna Mae, look a-here.
Don't you get any ideas, baby girl.
I'm the only sinner in this house. 
Okay?
Well, I got a girl, she lives up on the hill 
- Alline!
Come on, Anna Mae.
Well, I got a girl, she lives up on the hill 
- Excuse me! 
Girl!
Well, she moves mighty quick Lord, but I love her still
Oh, boy Gonna jump for joy
Yeah, man, have you had your baby, boy
My baby bought me a brand new choo-choo toy 
- There you are.
Anna Mae, this is Fross.
This is Spider.
- You already met Reggie.
- Spider?
- Yeah, Spider.
- I play piano for the revue.
- Anna Mae Bullock.
Anna. 
That's a pretty name, little girl.
He's back! 
That's right, Ike Turner and the Kings of Rhythm.
All right!
You hear of jalopies and the noise they make
Let me introduce my rocket 88
Yes, it's great just one wing
Everybody love my rocket 88
Gonna ride in style movin' all along
It's got the v-8 motor with a modern design
Convertible top and the girls don't mind
Rollin' with me ridin' all around town for joy
Play that thing.
Come on, step in my rocket don't be late
Baby, we're pullin' out 'bout half past eight
We're goin' around the corner and get us a fifth
Everybody in my car gonna take a little nip
Movin' on out boozing' and cruising' along
All right!
I know you love me, baby
Yeah!
But you never tell me so
- Yeah, over here!
- Here, Ike!
I know you love me, baby
But you never tell me so
If you don't tell me you love me 
- Swing it.
- Oh, yeah, swing it.
- I'm gonna pack my rags and go
All right now, who's gonna help me out now, huh?
Ike!
I live across the street from the jukebox, baby I...
Every time they spin that record, baby
Oh, Alline, they're just awful!
How come they get up?
Please, girl. 
Every woman in here wanna sing with Ike's band.
He's got a reputation.
No, not from his looks.
- Ikey!
- Always make me think of you
Well, he been with 'bout every woman in here.
He's somethin' else.
One song in particular, baby
Always stays on my mind
There's one particular song, baby
Always stays on my mind
Every time you play it, baby
I just break down and cry
Oh, no, no, no, Mr. Turner, I'll wear it out.
- Oh, there's one little song in particular, baby 
- Is that Anna Mae in there?
Always stays on my mind
Yes, one little song...
Aha, I knew it!
You been bit by the bug.
You been bit by the Ike Turner bug!
- You got the flu.
- Shut up, Alline!
- Come on.
- Shut up!
Come on, now.
Leave her alone.
There's been some lonely, lonely nights
Baby, yes, since you've been gone
Lay my head on my pillow
How I cried...
- Lord, Anna Mae,
I told you not to borrow the white dress.
- Oh, my!
- Is anyone sitting' here?
You stick around, Anna Mae... 'cause I'd like to take you out after the last set.
Breakfast. 
For breakfast?
Well, all right.
Yes, you know that I love you
Oh, I see, hmm.
So you a big girl now, huh?
Well...
I hope you know what comes along with that territory.
Can I get you something to drink?
- Coca-Cola, please.
- Why, certainly, ma'am.
All right now, who's gonna help me out now?
Me!
I live across the street from the jukebox, baby
All night they play the blues
- Gee whiz!
- And when they spin that record, baby
You know it makes me think of...
I love you, Ike!
- Come on. 
Pass it up!
- That's not gonna help me.
Come on now. 
Must be somebody out there who'll sing tonight.
Come on, baby!
Come on. 
You ain't deaf.
Bring the microphone.
Here!
- She's a nobody.
- Here, here, here!
- Stacy. 
Here, right here.
- What you want, girl?
Right here. 
Give it to my sister.
Give it to Anna Mae.
Go on, Anna Mae.
Girl, go on now.
You've been practicin' in the bathroom enough!
Go on. 
That's right.
I know you love me, baby
But you never tell me so
I know you love me, baby
But you never tell me so
If you don't tell me you love me
I'm gonna pack my rags and go
- Baby!
- Girl!
Oh, I live on the street from the jukebox, baby
All night long they play the blues
I live across the street from the jukebox, baby
All night long they play the blues
Every time they spin that record
Honey, it makes me think of you
Ohhh
And there's just one thing in particular, baby
Always sticks in my mind
Yes, one little song in particular, baby
Always sticks in my mind
And every time they play it, baby
I start right in to cry
Oh, please don't leave me, baby
Yeah!
That girl can sing!
Whoo, Lord, give it to her!
- It was really good!
- Do you want a refill?
- White people eat here?
- Yeah. 
Mm-hmm.
Spider, get going.
- Where'd Spider go?
- Oh, I sent him to get me some cigarettes.
- Oh, yeah?
- What's wrong? 
Ain't you never been in a restaurant before?
- Of course!
- Coffee?
- That's all right. 
That's all right. 
Forget it.
- Here you are, miss.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
I thought you ran out of smokes.
- Yeah, well, uh...
- Here's your silverware.
- Ready to order?
- Look here, I'm gonna have the steak and eggs, over easy.
And, uh, be sure to get whatever you want, hear?
- Miss?
- Uh, could I have a steak?
Okay.
Mmm-mm-mm.
Anna Mae!
Girl, you shocked the hell out of me.
Where a little woman like you get such a big voice?
You had them folks tore down in there, like... let me put it to you this way.
See, it's like you sang like a man.
I mean, you all woman. 
You all woman.
Any man can see that, but... girl, it's like you got your own particular way of gettin' a song out ya.
It's unique. 
You got your own unique sound.
See, that's what sells records.
Whoo, you got a flair.
Oh, yeah, you definitely got a flair, now.
Do you have a... a flair?
A flair? 
Yes, I do.
Matter of fact, I got a flair for writin' songs, and, uh...
I also have a flair for makin' singers famous.
- What do you mean?
- The people that's come up with me... folks that sang in my revue, lot of'em went on to be big time.
After they with me, they'd, you know, they'd take off.
But that's all right, though. 
That's all right. 
That's all fixing' to change.
- Steak.
- I got a new singer in mind.
Oh, yeah? 
He good?
Oh, yes, indeed.
She is real good.
Matter of fact, she's very good.
He say he want me to be his new singer.
What's she talkin' about now?
- He told you that?
- Uh-huh.
- Who?
- Ike, mama! 
Ike Turner!
And he gave you his address to come around and rehearse...
- Oh, Lord!
- What's a Ike Turner?
Anna Mae, get your gullible country ass out of the clouds.
He does that to all the girls.
That's his line.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Alline, how come this string of pearls is shorter?
Did you cut off my pearls, girl?
This is tighter around my neck.
Maybe it's all them chitlins you ate.
- Don't get smart with me, miss Alline.
- What?
Who is that in a red convertible?
Red convertible?
Mornin'. 
May I speak to your mother, please?
- My mother?
- Anna Mae Bullock's mother...
Mrs. Bullock, does she live here?
- I'm her mother.
- This is Anna Mae's mother!
Y'all believe that?
- I can't believe that.
- No.
My goodness! 
What's a fine young thing like you doin' with two grown daughters?
Hey, miss Alline.
- Uh, how can I help you, Mr...
- Turner. 
Ike Turner.
The Kings of Rhythm. 
We play down at the Club Royal every...
Listen, Mrs. Bullock. 
Uh, Anna Mae sang at the club last night.
- She knocked everybody out.
- Oh, sure did.
Mr. Turner say I got a flair, mama.
- The kind that would sell records.
- Mama, Anna Mae can sing.
I didn't pay for Anna Mae to come all the way up here... from Nutbush, Tennessee, to be wastin' time with a bunch of musicians.
Well, wait a minute, mama.
It wasn't like that. 
Anna Mae...
- Alline, take Anna Mae in the back.
- But, mama...
Yes, ma'am.
- Come on, Anna Mae.
- Go on, girl.
Mr. Turner, I don't know what you had in mind, but, uh... this little girl's gonna be a nurse... and bring a steady paycheck in this house.
Yes, ma'am, but, uh, Miss Bullock... did you ever see a nurse drivin' an automobile as fine as mine?
Me, neither. 
May I?
Now, look here, if you let Anna Mae work with me...
I guarantee you she'll be makin' big money in no time.
You tellin' me Anna Mae sing that good?
Put it like this: 
I could get anybody in St. Louis to sing in my band, but I want her.
Think about it. 
Let her come to a few rehearsals.
Let me work with her.
You're welcome to sit in if you like.
You have my word as a gentleman she'll be under my protection.
You know, I noticed my boys... crushed some of your flowers accidentally outside.
That should cover the damages.
We'll be expectin' her around 7:00 this evening.
It's been a pleasure meeting you, Miss Bullock, and... you have a nice day.
Make me over Make me nice
And when I'm done Oh, I wanna be right
I wanna be made ov...
Anna Mae, you're gonna have to sing rougher. 
You hear me?
Rougher! 
From here.
Okay? 
All right.
We gonna take it from the top.
Here we go.
And one, two, three, and...
I'm talkin' to the priest 
- Rougher, Anna Mae.
The high priest 
- Come on. 
Rougher.
And everybody out there in the universe
If what I'm sayin' is wrong 
- I don't understand what you mean by "rougher".
Tell me what to say 
- What's "rougher" mean?
- Sing.
'Cause I wanna be made over 
- Now you got that girl screaming' like a maniac.
- Yes, ma'am. 
Keep singin', Anna Mae.
- That don't make no sense to me.
Look here.That's what sells records, Mrs. Bullock. 
Look, do you want a drink?
- Yeah, I want a drink, but I wanna watch this rehearsal.
- Keep singin'.
Come on. 
I'll get you a drink in the back. 
Come on, Alline.
- Come on. 
I'll get you a drink.
- I wanna watch this rehearsal.
Give me a liniment and wash me clean
Make me over Make me nice
And when I'm done Oh, I wanna be right
Hey, Lord, make me over I wanna be made over
Hey, Lord, make me over I wanna be made over
Make me over
I wanna be made over 
- All right, girl. 
From here.
I wanna go places 
- Oh, let me hear it.
Oh, I wanna do some things 
- Yeah!
I wanna be a star Oh, I wanna have a big name
And in my heart let beauty reign
And when I'm done Oh, I wanna have fame
Oh, Lord, make me over
I wanna be made over 
- Lets go, baby.
Oh, Lord, make me over 
- All right! 
Go ahead, Anna.
- I wanna be made over 
- Make me over
- I wanna be made over 
- Wanna be made over
- I wanna be made over 
- Make me over
- I wanna be made over 
- Wanna be made over
- Oh, Lord, make me over 
- Make me over
Come on, keep goin'!
- Oh, Lord, make me over 
- Make me over
Lord, make me nice Lord, make me good
- And give me power 
- Make me over
- Give me love 
- Wanna be made over
- Give me voluptuousness 
- Make me over
I wanna be made over
All right, bye-bye.
Hey. 
Hey, hey, hey.
Fross, Fross, tell them to be quiet, huh?
Y'all look here. 
Uh, we're fixin' to go on tour.
That's right.
We're goin' on tour.
Which means my name's gonna be on this thing... which means any time you fuck up a step... you fuckin' with my good reputation, you understand?
Uh, Jackie, you was 15 minutes late to rehearsal today, wasn't you?
- Well...
- Well, a five-dollar fine.
What you laughing at, Spider?
You ain't but that far... from not even having a job your damn self.
All right, now, y'all look here.
It's gonna be Anna Mae's first run out the starting' gate.
- All right.
- I want all y'all to pitch in, help her out, do what you can, all right?
All right.
- All right.
- All right.
- Yeah, hey, Lorraine!
- I'm sick and tired of this shit, Ike.
Lorraine. 
W-w-wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Now, now, come on, now.
- We finally get paid... and he invents a new way to take it back.
And he wants everybody to help her out.
- He sure got a sudden case of the niceness.
- Yeah, I wonder why.
I guess he caught it from that new swing in somebody's ass.
Come on.
He's with Lorraine.
Lorraine! 
Oh, honey, please.
Lorraine was Ike's last gig.
He's always booking' ahead.
Now, you watch yourself.
Ike's got a thing for every young heifer sticks her butt out.
- Yeah, you wish he did.
- Come on, Anna Mae. 
Let's go.
All right, in a sec, okay?
- Hey, now.
- I was, uh, just about to go home... but I wanted to, you know, say good night.
Well, don't go nowhere yet. 
Come on.
Sit down. 
Let me talk to you.
You know, you got the prettiest smile.
You do.
Come on.
Open your mouth for me.
Mmm, you ain't been to the dentist before, have you?
Huh, what?
I said you ain't been to the dentist before, have you?
I'm gonna have Fross carry you to the dentist in the morning.
You got a lot of cavities back there. 
All right?
- All right.
- All right.
And, uh, look here, its kinda late for you to be goin' home.
I want you to stay here tonight.
I got a room in the back.
It's all made up for you, and don't you worry about it.
I'm gonna call your mama and let her know you're stayin' here, okay?
- All right.
- Why don't you go on back there?
Go on.
- Good night.
- Good night.
What the fuck is goin' on here?
Lorraine, don't.
Please don't.
You ain't even worth the bullet.
- Lorraine! 
Lorraine!
- What's the matter? 
Hey!
- Lorraine! 
Lorraine!
- Lorraine! 
Open the door!
Open, open the door!
Oh, shit!
Lorraine! 
Anna Mae!
Anna Mae! 
Hey, Fross!
- Hey, Fross, get up here, man!
- What's goin' on?
- Hey!
- Oh, shit! 
What happened?
- Hey, call an ambulance.
- You drove me to this, Ike.
I'll get an ambulance.
You, you stay with her.
- Ike, Junior, go back downstairs now.
- Hey, hey, hey!
Watch him, Ike!
Watch him, Ike!
Y'all just go home, please.
All right, Ike, let's go.
Ike. 
Come on. 
Let's go.
We got to go.
How's Lorraine? 
Is she...
Well, she's fine.
She's gonna be all right.
Doctor says sh-she gonna, she gonna pull through just fine.
Uh, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Yeah, I'm gonna be okay.
Damn.
I can't stand hospitals, man.
My daddy got holes kicked in his stomach.
Took him three long years to die.
And you could, could smell his insides.
'Cause he was messin' around with some gangster's woman.
Can't stand hospitals, man.
I'm sorry.
- I-I need to go.
- Come on, Anna Mae.
Don't go nowhere now.
Don't leave me by myself.
I can't be by myself tonight.
- But Lorraine, she's your wife.
- No, we ain't married.
We ain't never been married.
I just can't make her happy no more.
Things could change.
I mean, maybe... maybe...
y'all can work it out.
No.
She did the worst thing you could do to anybody like me.
She stopped believin' in me.
See, I got dreams, Anna Mae.
I got dreams that's bigger than St. Louis.
And she can't touch me like you do.
She don't make me feel the way you do.
I can't even talk to her.
You're the only one.
You're the onliest one I could talk to like this.
You know, just like everybody else...
I done tried to help out in my whole life... she done left me.
I wouldn't do that... what those other people did to you, leave you.
- I would never do that.
- I know.
- Never.
- I know.
Ike Turner!
Oh, look, look, look!
Oh, man! 
Oh, shit!
- Hey, look here, y'all.
- What's up?
I want y'all to take Anna down to this beauty shop here.
Get her a bleach job, you know, like Marilyn Monroe.
Like, like the lady on the poster up there.
Get her hair did like that, all right?
- Okay. 
Come on, come on.
- Come on, Marilyn.
- Come on, come on. 
Hurry up.
- Where?
Right here. 
Grab this bag.
Come on. 
Let's go.
Hey, Anna Mae, what d'ya think, honey? 
Is it me, girl?
- Hey, what's the matter with you?
- Nothin'.
I just didn't think we'd be, uh, playin' in a place like this, ya know.
What, thought we'd be playin' at Carnegie fuckin' Hall?
From what I heard about Ike, baby, the shit's about to hit the fan.
Girl, now you know Ike'll work the fuck outta you.
- Do I detect a note of bitterness?
- It's a gig.
And you know what they say about Ike.
Oh, chil', don't mind me.
I'm just havin' a little fun.
Now, Anna Mae, what's that do doin' back there?
It's lookin' kinda orange.
- No, girl, it's supposed to look like that.
- Hey, you the singer?
- Yeah.
- But you gotta have more up there.
Oh, she'll get bigger the way she's been eatin'.
Yeah, Anna Mae, we scared to eat around ya.
- Girl, your appetite done picked up lately.
- I noticed that too.
Noticed it? 
Honey, Ray Charles could see it.
Uh-oh, what?
Darlene!
Look what you did, girl.
Now look at that!
Now, you know you need an ass whoopin'!
Anna Mae!
Anna Mae, get your butt out here, girl!
Rock me, baby
Rock me all night long
Rock me, baby
- Rock me, baby 
- I said I want you to
Rock me, baby
Rock me all night long
Rock me, baby Rock me, baby
I want you to rock me
Like my back ain't got no bone
Then I want you to roll me, daddy
Like you roll your flour dough
Mmm, I want you to roll me, daddy
Like you roll your flour dough
I want you to roll me
Till I want no more
Oh, play guitar.
Oooh! 
Hey, little Ann, girl, you were slick!
Baby, you blew those people way out. 
You were wonderful!
Girl, girl, I'll tell you!
Mmm-mmm.
All right now. 
Ike finds out Jack Daniels... been dancin' with the Ikettes, you're gonna be in big trouble.
- I ain't thinkin' 'bout Ike.
- Yeah, Jack better stop dancin' on my feet.
Whose idea was this, Darlene? 
Jackie?
Leanne, how come ain't nobody told me about this new look we got goin' on here, huh?
- See, Ike...
I like it! 
I-I like this!
I mean, this is perfect.
We're gonna keep this in the act.
We gonna make it part of the act from now on.
Now, we got 92 dates between here and a good night's sleep.
- So y'all know what y'all got to do, right?
- Yes.
- Look here, Anna Mae. 
Uh...
- Uh-huh?
You did real good out there tonight.
- Really, Ike?
- Yes, ma'am, you did real good.
Now I got this new song I'm writin'.
You keep singin' like you've been doin'... and I might let you record it for me when we get in the studio, all right?
Huh? 
How 'bout that?
You like that, huh?
Baby, look like you put on a few pounds there.
- Oh, well...
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Now, now, it's all right.
I like that. 
I like it when you're healthy like that.
Stop!
Come on, little man.
Smile for your daddy. 
Come on.
You know what? 
Your daddy's rich and your mama's good-looking.
Come on. 
Smile.
Come on, Craig.
Come on.
- Let the baby rest and the nurses too.
- Don't forget.
You heard that first on WTEX.
- All right, doc.
Ike and Tina Turner with "Fool in Love". 
Now our next...
I don't know even when y'all got time to make that record.
"Ockateena"?
Who, who is that?
"Ike and Tina"!
Sounds like wedding' bells to me, baby.
Yeah, girl. 
The man gave you his name.
Tina! 
What kinda name is that?
Oh, what's the matter, baby?
Don't you like it?
Come on, it's like "Sheena of the Jungle".
Gorgeous, sexy woman on God's green earth!
Oh, sexy thing on God's green earth!
Oh, go on, Ike.
Go on!
Hey, uh, doc, uh, she lookin' kinda peaked.
What's wrong with her?
Well, she's quite ill.
- We're lookin' at a severe case of anemia.
- A who?
She needs rest, and I'm not releasing her.
- Not for at least another three weeks.
- Oh, no, no, no, not now.
I got, I got a lot of dates booked between here and then.
I got, uh, San Antoine.
I got Austin.
No, no, Sam, we be talkin' about a lot of money here.
This is very serious, Mr. Turner.
All right, your man come to take ya home now.
Come on. 
Sit up for me.
- Come on. 
Sit up for me.
- Ike?
Come on, Fross.
There ya go.
Now let Ike put his arm around you. 
There ya go.
- Yeah, that's it.
- What happened to the baby?
Oh, Fross gots him.
Come on. 
Let's go.
Oh, what time is it?
Hey, little man, I got ya.
- Ohhh, Ike, ain't I supposed to stay?
- You all right, little man?
Now look here, darling. 
You're supposed to stay with your man. 
Who you gonna listen to?
Some doctor who don't know me from Adam, don't know you from Eve?
Or you gonna listen to your man?
- But, Ike, are you sure?
- I'm sure.
But, no, wait.
Put me down.
Hold on, Anna Mae, hold on.
Look here, look here.
Come on, little Ann.
I can't wait no longer.
- Now?
- Yeah, we'll go down to Mexico and get it done in a few hours.
N-no, I-I can't take my baby to Mexico.
Wait, now hold on, now.
Alline's downstairs in the car, hon.
Your mama can look after the baby while we're gone.
We'll go to Mexico, get it done in a few hours and then we off to New York City.
- New York?
Wh-what's in New York?
We are, baby. 
You and me.
Ike and Tina.
There's somethin' on my mind
Won't somebody please tell me what is wrong
- Ike...
- You're just a fool
You know you're in love
What you say
- Yes, sir! 
You hear that, Fross?
- Yeah, congratulations.
Look here. 
I'm a married man.
Come on. 
Let's get outta here.
- Darlin' 
- Yes, Tina
It's time to get next to me
Honey, that was my plan from the very beginning
- Darlin' 
- Uh-huh
- I never thought that this could be 
- What do you mean?
Oh, yeah 
- Come on, man! 
Let's go.
Your lips set my soul on fire
And you can feel my one desire
- Oh, darlin' 
- Yes, yes
I think it's gonna work out fine
It's gonna work out fine
I wanna tell you something, Ike.
- Ikey 
- Uh-huh
I've been to see the preacher man
The preacher man? 
Why, you must be losin' your mind
- I started 
- Started what
I started makin' wedding plans
- Oh, really, hmm 
- Oh, yeah
If your love is half as true
As the love I offer you
- Oh, darlin' 
- Yes, yes
I think it's gonna work out fine
It's gonna work out fine
I keep on tellin' you
I think it's gonna work out fine
Oh, I can feel it's gonna
I feel it's gonna work out
I want ya to know it's gonna
I know it's gonna work out fine
Oh, I can feel it's gonna
I feel it's gonna work out
I want ya to know it's gonna
I know it's gonna work out fine
I know it's gonna work out fine
Girl, you look like I felt last night.
Go on and drink that.
You'll feel better.
- Thanks, Jackie.
- Come on. 
Give me the baby. 
Come on.
Come on, precious.
They don't never give a nigger no ink! 
If I was one of them... one of them Ofays, I'd... 
I'd be number one with a bullet by now.
No, no, I got to murder somebody before I can get some ink.
Jackie, check on the girls.
You tell Leanne... if she miss a step tonight, she be frying' fish tomorrow, hear?
Hey, Ann, why ain't you dressed yet?
The show fixing' to start.
Ike, I'm tired.
What you talkin' about, you tired? 
You can't be tired.
Not tonight, now. 
I got too much riding' on tonight.
No, it's not me, Ike.
It's my throat.
I mean, suppose I go out there, and don't nothin' come out?
Look, Ann, I don't know what you talkin' about, but you can't do this tonight, not tonight.
I-I got too much riding' on this, all right? 
Now, come on.
Oh, Ike, I'm really exhausted.
I mean, i-it's all happenin' too fast, you know?
The baby, and, and the road... and the whole thing.
I just, just need a rest.
All right now, but look now, you got to understand if we don't get out on that stage tonight... we don't get paid, ya hear?
- Now, if we don't get paid, we don't eat.
- What about me?
What about the band?
Well, you talkin' about the baby... and the road and, and, and it's all happenin' too fast.
Ann, you got more excuses than a nigger goin' to jail.
You got too many excuses, woman.
And this here's about business right here. 
Th-that marquee out there say "Ike and Tina Turner"... and the people out there are waitin' on me, and you layin' up here talkin' about you tired.
Now, what you wanna do?
You wanna take care of business, or you lookin' for a way out?
Oh, I see, you wanna, you wanna leave me like all them other suckers I done made famous.
- That's not what I meant.
- Well, what you talkin' about then, Ann?
Now, we're here. 
We're at the place I've been tryin' to get to my whole life.
We got the right song at the right place at the right time!
Now, I need you to get out on that stage right now.
I'm sorry, Ike.
Yeah, you sorry.
The sorriest motherfucker I ever seen.
Here, I'm supposed to do a show tonight, and you done fucked up my head for that.
It's supposed to be the greatest night of my career, and you done fucked that up.
Yeah, you're a sorry motherfucker, all right.
And now, from St. Louis, Ike and Tina Turner... singin' their new song, "Fool in Love".
Ohhh
There's somethin' on my mind
Won't somebody please
Please tell me what's wrong
You're just a fool you know you're in love
- What you say 
- You've got to face it
- To live in this world 
- Hey, hey, hey, hey
- You take the good along with the bad 
- Hey, hey, hey, hey
Sometimes you're happy and sometimes you're sad
- One more time 
- You know you love him
- You can't understand 
- Tell me about it
Why he treats you like he do when he's such a good man
Listen
He's got me smilin' when I should be ashamed
Got me laughin' when my heart is in pain
Oh, oh, now I must be a fool
'Cause I'll do anything he wants me to
- How come 
- You're just a fool
- You know you're in love 
- Tell me one more time
You've got to face it to live in this world
You take the good along with the bad
Sometimes you're happy and sometimes you're sad
- One more time 
- You know you love him
- You can't understand 
"And you. "
"They seem so nice. "
"This earth, the rivers, the night. . "
You told me, that if you had been married. .
. .you would've been Mrs. Khan.
But you didn't tell me your name.
- Raina.
Raina.
What's so funny?
Nothing. 
But don't say that, the one you were going to marry. .
. . his name is Samir.
- Of course.
"Who. . is that lovely lady?"
"Walking down the street. .
she's driving me crazy. "
"Who. . is that lovely lady?"
"The way she's swinging her hips and thighs. "
"She got me mesmerised. "
"She's driving me crazy. "
"Ooh Mrs. Khanna. 
Ooh Mrs. Khanna. "
"Ooh Mrs. Khanna. "
"Come on, everybody put your hands together, say. . "
"Ooh Mrs. Khanna. "
"Ooh Mrs. Khanna. "
"Ooh Mrs. Khanna. "
"Come on, everybody put your hands together, say. . "
"The way she's swinging her hips and thighs. "
"The way she's swinging her hips and thighs. "
"She's driving me crazy. "
"You're my-my Mrs. Khanna. "
"You're my-my Mrs. Khanna. "
"You're my-my Mrs. Khanna. "
"You're my-my Mrs. Khanna. "
"Baby, you are driving me crazy. "
"Give me a chance to become yours.
- Pretty woman. "
"Please smile, come closer. "
"If you're leaving, give me your address. "
"If anyone tries to impress me. "
"Believe it or not, he won't be successful. "
"Don't be upset, don't be upset, don't be upset. "
"You're my-my Mrs. Khanna. "
"You're my-my Mrs. Khanna. "
"Ooh Mrs. Khanna. "
"Ooh Mrs. Khanna. "
"Come on, everybody put your hands together, say. . "

This is my story.
I remember Mom zipping me into a snow suit to send me off to the doctor with Dad when I was around two.
We were waiting for Dad to fire up the car.
He was broke and racing a supercharged Corvair.
a mid-sixties flat six Chevy.
When he turned the key the engine erupted.
I'd squeal with joy while Mom murmured the Lord's Prayer.
When I was around four.
the old man left.
I imagine him with his head held high, defiantly making his mistake.
He did do two things right. though:
He left without a scene and without a dime.
ON E YEAR EARLIER...
What's up with you and these American cars?
.
The bigger the steering wheel, the better the car. 
Everybody knows that!
But the fucking thing won't even start!
Why don't you try the choke?
Here we go!
They're all doped anyway.
Yeah, that's right.
That way everybody plays by the same rules.
A formula one car doesn't run on diesel either.
Bullshit. 
Only a sissy like Armstrong would dope.
A true cyclist swallows his pain.
That's called heart.
Winners use EPO.
That's what you call effective.
I think your friend's right.
Remember cyclists like Pantani who did 1 50 km on his own, no support from his team, no hope of winning, up the peaks.
That was real cycling!
It's pretty obvious what the deal is here.
Forget it.
I'm sure she's got a boyfriend.
Oh yeah?
. 
Watch this!
.
- Alright.
Excuse me?
.
My buddy and I are skipping the tour this year.
Oh yeah?
- We've changed our priorities.
And the new ones are...?
.
- We've converted to Buddhism..
and we strongly believe in reincarnation now.
Very interesting!
.
In fact, when I look at you, I'd love to be reborn as your tank- top.
When do you finish?
.
Who's asking?
- I am.
Suggestions?
.
- We could begin by driving you home.
Buddhism?
. 
What kind of a bullshit pick- up line is that?
.
Well?
.
I just finished.
PHANTOM PAIN
Hey!
.
I haven't seen you in so long.
Is your Mom angry?
.
- A little.
Can't you ever be on time?
Six o'clock. 
Not a minute later.
It won't happen, but at least I said it now.
Bye honey. 
Have fun.
He won't help you with your homework, so be back on time.
- Yeah, alright.
Your last payment arrived, what?
Six months ago?
I'm paying her school fees and everything else, while you're playing with cars!
.
I'm sorry!
I have to write a poem for school.
I thought maybe you could help me?
.
Not a chance!
Please, s'il vous plait, per favore...
No, nein, nyet.
Is that a peacock feather?
.
It's beautiful.
Can I ask you something?
.
'Course. 
Anything.
Did your dad take you here, too?
.
So I can't ask you anything after all.
Okay, anything except about the old man.
- That's not fair.
Look...
The peacock has the most beautiful feathers, the envy of all other birds.
And it knows. 
When it shows off its plumage, it's really arrogant.
The problem is, the peacock also has the ugliest feet.
They say when he looks down at his feet his plumage contracts immediately and he becomes all humble and modest.
So life is fair and everything balances out? 
- Exactly.
And if it doesn't, just think about my kiss on your forehead.
Will you help me with the poem?
.
I can't hear you!
.
Promise?
. 
You'll write something?
.
I promise.
I waited at least an hour for you!
I'm sorry.
What about the poem? 
You promised.
And I really tried, but...
I just can't write.
Can you give this to your mom?
Yeah, great.
Get home safely.
Hey Angus!
Thanks for dinner!
Are you out of your mind?
.
I'm living on dried mole these days.
- Do you need any money?
.
I'll take you up on that later.
Sleep well.
By the way...
- I know,
AC/DC is the best rock band ever.
No, not AC/DC...
Angus Young!
.
- Angus Young, okay.
Fact!
Dad had never been around much to begin with, so it was years before I noticed he was gone.
Always a man of ritual, he probably took four V-neck T-shirts, a Zippo lighter, a carton of Craven cigarettes and not much else.
Mom said he was on a business trip, which was true in a way.
That's all I ever got by way of an explanation, and I suppose it was enough.
I 'm sorry, Vinny. 
Won't happen again!
- What was up Saturday?
Let me guess.
The first stage of the Vuelta?
.
Get your ass in gear!
For that price, I'd recommend a yoga weekend in the Maldives.
Anyway, a woman like you needs a racing bike, not a mountain bike.
You'll want to sell me a ladies' bike next, right?
.
We don't even have any. 
- Whatever.
I've always wanted a mountain bike.
Follow me.
I'll show you something.
Just needs some love.
Well, it's not bad.
How much?
For you... 28 euros and 50 cents.
What's the catch?
.
- No catch.
They call me the cyclists' Robin Hood.
Cute. 
And where are your tights?
- Left them in the forest.
Alright Robin, that's it. 
Get your stuff!
He was selling me a bike!
- Too cheaply.
I'll have two gyros with plenty of tzaziki.
And moussaka for you?
.
Two cold sakes?
Okay.
- Two cold sakes please.
Where do the lobsters come from?
.
Canada.
- I mean from the west coast or east coast?
East coast. 
Because there's no lobsters on the west coast.
They've only got ordinary crabs.
The fishermen there were pissed, because there's more money in lobsters.
So they petitioned their government to bring lobsters to the west.
The government carried out a study of the marine environment on the west coast:
salinity, oxygen content...
And they concluded that conditions for introducing lobsters were perfect.
So they chartered a huge plane to carry 50,000 lobsters, fitted with oxygenated water tanks and everything.
They tied the lobsters' claws with rubber bands, so they wouldn't get hurt during the flight.
And to make sure they wouldn't get bored, they put on special lobsters' in- flight entertainment.
They had movies, music...
- Table dancing?
Not as far as I know, but they had Play
- Stations. 
No alcohol was served, they don't take well to that.
Anyway, the plane zipped across Canada and landed in Vancouver.
There, they were taken aboard a ship and out to sea.
Each lobster was carefully lowered into the water with a special lobster crane.
And just as the last lobster was sinking, like a leaf on the wind, one of those smart- ass university types asks,
"'How are they going to feed with the rubber bands around their claws?
'
Helpless, they could only club their prey over the head...
So that was the end of lobster fishing on the west coast.
And the moral is?
Don't mess with Mother Nature.
True story?
.
You travel around the world to go cycling...
Only to places that have mountains.
That's Tourmalet.
Haven't done that yet, it's my big dream.
Sounds good.
The Little Prince.
I love Saint
- Exupery.
You know, he was terribly in love with this countess once, and one day he asked her shyly, "Do you love me?"
She answered, "'Oui, mon cha rie, I love you with all my heart ...tonight!"'
I could have said that.
Why do you like him?
- Because of his double- decker plane.
Nah, he was a man of letters and action all in one, that's why.
What's this?
.
- That...
It's just a travelogue I once wrote about a cycling tour of Sri Lanka.
You write?
Not anymore.
Can I read it?
- Better not.
Let's go to bed.
It's beautiful!
.
Really?
.
Who took these notes?
A friend sent it to a publisher.
The editor didn't agree with you.
Why?
. 
The notes are good.
- "'Explain the word punkah"'?
.
If you don't know what that is, go look it up!
What is a punkah?
.
- A human- powered ceiling fan.
What did the editor say?
- Don't know. 
I never called them back.
Because of the punkah thing?
Did you write anything else?
.
- No.
Haven't touched a pen since.
What do you mean, "since"'?
.
For about ten years.
Nothing?
.
I'll go cycling.
It's raining.
- It'll break up soon.
Will I see you later?
.
Maybe.
Any urbanite with any sense sometimes feels like a savage.
The only cure is to go and get out there, alone.
So I hauled out my atlas and there it was:
Sri Lanka. 
like a teardrop hovering over the equator.
a locket hanging from India 's neck.
its belly full of rugged mountains.
Villages with names like mouthfuls of mango, all linked by asphalt snakes.
As I whizzed down from the Horton Plains.
cycling down cinnamon-colored paths past endless rice fields,
I realized what the greatest luxury about traveling solo was:
Nobody there to point out that your happiness is unfounded.
I have a friend who's an agent.
I told him about you.
He'd like to meet you.
Why?
Why what?
.
Why would he want that when he hasn't read anything by me?
In fact, he has.
We're off to a great start here!
.
Come on!
I'm sorry.
Will you meet him?
No, I don't have time right now.
- Why?
I'm too busy reading.
Marc, please!
When and where?
The CafA mira, tomorrow at noon.
When I was eight, Dad flew me out for two weeks.
and after that we went every August.
The visits were the high points of my year.
For Mom they were an annual source of resentment.
In a priceless maneuver.
the old devil had upstaged her:
next to no responsibility but guaranteed stardom courtesy of a red sports car, an apartment by the sea,
Suzie Quatro and a boat.
Around 1 890, there were so many dead bodies floating in the Ganges that the Indian government decided to use the infamous snapping turtle.
Once released into the river, the turtles started eating up the bodies.
But one day, a fateful incident happened:
A turtle accidentally bit a peasant swimming in the river and realized that humans were tastier alive than dead.
Word spread quickly among the snapping turtle society and the turtles embarked on a feeding frenzy.
Two weeks later, 25% all Indians were dead.
Okay guys, back to work!
.
Anyhow, that was the start of Operation Turtle, during which the army caught all male turtles and neutered them.
The snapping turtles died out, but by the time the last one died, only 75,000 people were still alive in India.
75,000! 
In India!
.
That story is complete nonsense.
Straight from the Herald Tribune!
.
Funny story!
- Oh yeah?
I didn't hear you laugh.
You're fired!
We're talking about a polytrauma here.
His condition is serious.
His chances of survival... aren't high.
What are they?
.
I'm very sorry.
We'll do everything we can.
He'll live, you'll see.
We tried everything, but there's no circulation in his lower thigh.
If we want to save his life, we'll have to amputate his left leg.
The problem is, we're obliged to inform Mr. Somner.
But how?
. 
He's in a coma.
- An induced coma.
We'll reduce his intake of drugs until he's in a state in which he's able to make a decision.
He'll die if we don't do it.
Which one of you is closest to Mr. Somner?
.
What's this about?
.
- When he wakes up,
I'd like you to help us make him understand what we recommend.
What do you mean?
.
Over 90% all patients refuse when confronted with a limb amputation.
We can't afford that in our position.
To be precise, we're hoping he'll trust you and you'll help him to make the right decision.
Where are you going to amputate?
.
- Unfortunately, above the knee.
Shit!
Holy shit!
.
Mr. Somner?
.
Can you hear me?
.
I'll extract the tube now.
Hey, Marc.
You had an accident.
Your left leg's in bad shape.
They'll...
They'll need to amputate it if you want to live.
Are you nuts?
There are more needles stuck in me than a voodoo doll.
This is difficult enough for me.
If you agree, just nod.
Please!
.
You'll have enough time to write now.
Shit, I can't laugh.
- What?
.
My ribs are broken.
Sorry.
At least I'll get 50%ff on pedicures now.
How's the leg?
Don't know.
I haven't had the courage to look under the blanket yet.
I don't remember a thing.
- Don't worry about that now.
It'll be alright.
At least the Heuer didn't break.
You've got to get some sleep.
Alex?
.
- Yes?
It's the Tour's ninth stage today!
.
It'll be the fifteenth tomorrow.
What he's experiencing is called phantom pain, actual pain sensations in the amputated leg. 
That's perfectly normal.
How is that possible?
.
He's feeling the pain he actually experienced prior to the operation.
What a rip- off!
- What?
.
His leg's rotting away in a trash can, but it still hurts him.
That's a pretty bad deal, right?
.
How long's this supposed to go on?
.
- Maybe six months or a year, sometimes it never goes away.
At 17 I'd had enough of school and deserted Mom on the sly.
Manic as she was. if I'd told her I was moving in with Dad, she 'd have seen it as defecting.
She caught me packing late at night.
As she was crying.
she lashed me softly with her bathrobe.
It was humiliating and unforgettable.
What does the leg look like?
.
Like a giant ham.
Want to see?
Could you tell another story?
.
Nah, I don't know...
- Please!
You know, I also hit my head and I think all the stories fell out.
I could tell a story.
Get the children out!
.
- Listen up!
.
Here it goes.
In Indonesia, rats are considered sacred.
But of course money is even more sacred, and that was the problem.
The rats were eating the sugarcane, the local farmers' main source of income.
Nobody wanted to commit the sin of killing a rat, so they released mongooses into the fields to eat the rats.
Eventually they realized that there were even more rats and therefore less sugarcane.
They tried to observe the rodents at work at night.
There wasn't much to see, though, as mongooses sleep at night and hunt during the day and rats vice versa.
Hang on, I got it wrong there.
Mongooses hunt at night and sleep during the day, rats sleep at night and hunt during the day.
So, the moral is...
Don't mess with Mother Nature.
I can't believe you remembered that story.
I told it five years ago.
Hello Mr. Somner, here we go again...
If you want to take a peek, it's now or never...
Alright.
Let me have another sip first.
Looks like a pussy!
.
- You're welcome to finger fuck it.
Not quite yet!
.
Sorry. 
Done in a minute.
How are you?
I should ask you that.
Good to see you.
I'm so sorry.
Where've you been?
.
I tried out my new bike by the sea.
Nice.
By yourself?
How did it happen?
.
No idea. 
It's a blank.
And you don't want to know?
.
- The leg's gone, what can I do?
Of course, Captain Ahab felt differently.
Spent his whole life chasing Moby Dick.
For me?
.
A CD?
.
Can I open it?
It's more of a symbolic present.
Thank you.
Well, it's not all that symbolic.
I'm hoping you'll use it, too.
When will you be out?
In a week.
They can't keep me here any longer.
I've got so much to do.
Good luck, okay?
Bye.
See you.
You look like my surgeon!
.
Cut the other leg off too?
.
Good to have you here.
I prepared the guest room.
A cripple doesn't take up much space.
Welcome home.
When the bailiffs knocked on his door, Dad did another vanishing trick.
Years later. when he came back, things initially went according to plan.
He endured family responsibilities. went fishing and tried his best to fight back his demons.
What they were, I'll never know. 
Who ever really does?
But they were there.
they were formidable and when they took hold.
he tried his best to drown them.
...and she goes, "'Ham and cheese."' He goes, "I haven't even started."
I'll pick you up in an hour.
Alright.
Promise you won't have a crisis.
Can I stare out of the window longingly?
Yep. 
It's not like you'd manage to throw yourself out.
There's always the old blow dryer in the bathtub trick.
This dump has a bathtub?
.
See you later!
.
Hi Marc, it's Oliver. 
I just heard what happened. 
I can't believe it.
I'm really sorry.
I don't know what to say, but...
At least you're still alive, right?
.
I know a guy who lost both his legs....
This is Mr. Meyerhofer.
You're behind on the rent again!
If I don't get the money in the next two days, you can look for a new place. 
Bye.
Marc, it's Nika.
I don't know if you're back yet, but...
I'd like to see you, alright?
.
Oh yeah: 8371432.
The Rheo Knee is equipped with state- of- the- art sensors.
Its joint can think and learn.
The leg will adjust to the way you walk.
Trouble is, your insurance won't cover the full costs.
But the most important thing is rehab.
You'll have to go five days a week for at least three hours.
And how am I supposed to make money?
- Make money?
That should be the least of your worries right now.
But it's number one on my list.
Poverty is a full- time job. 
I need that leg!
.
I'll manage to scrape it together somehow.
How did your leg break off?
.
- Don't say that!
. 
He's losthis leg!
I'm really sorry.
- It's alright.
Your mom's right. 
I lost my leg, and now I can't find it anywhere.
You can have one of Barbie's legs if you want.
Do you also have Ken?
.
You see, I'm a boy.
No.
Can I help you?
- I'm alright, thanks.
Can I help you?
- I'm alright.
Marc?
.
- Deepak!
.
Are you getting on or off?
.
What happened?
My leg broke off.
Come see us sometime.
We miss your stories.
Let's drink to the chef!
Thanks Marc, that was fantastic.
Let's hope it stays down.
You're not doing too badly.
I wouldn't have made it to the life boat on the Titanic, that's for sure.
Morning.
- Morning.
I'll make you some coffee.
- I'm fine, thanks.
If he can fuck, he can make his own coffee.
Let's hear it.
- Were we that noisy?
.
Pretty noisy.
Those are just mercy fucks.
Details, please!
Why are you so interested?
.
- Go on!
.
I'm a one- trick pony: she rides me.
I think I'll try doggy style in two weeks. 
With big Masha.
Lots of padding and handles.
Makes for a soft landing if you slip.
Looks like your performance wasn't affected. 
- On the contrary!
.
Same sprinkler, smaller lawn, more pressure.
It gets so hard, not even a cat could scratch it.
I've got to go.
Bye.
Thanks for the leg.
It's practical. 
If you step in dog shit, you can clean your shoe without taking it off. 
- Right.
Another round!
.
Where did the legless man get fucked?
On the beach, when the tide came in.
What's the matter?
I'll go talk to him for a second.
Hey Marc.
Sorry I didn't call you.
Forget it.
So?
. 
Have you guys become friends?
.
How about a quick test drive?
Okay.
May I?
.
Tomorrow's New Year's Eve.
Made any resolutions?
.
Luckily, I've made so many that I'll forget them all.
I won't be able to become a firefighter.
By the time I'm down the pole, the house will be in ashes.
But you wouldn't have to worry about burning your left foot.
What about the writing?
Hey, what's your problem?
It was just a question.
I don't think you understand.
I don't have time to write!
I need to make some money.
That's bullshit!
.
It's a matter of principle.
You sound like my girlfriend.
I have a problem with that word.
Dad's final descent was painful.
We'd fought over money, and a two-year cold war ensued.
We established a "alking zone. ""
During this time. he nearly kicked the bucket twice, and I went to the hospital to silently cradle the former middleweight's emaciated frame.
Let's party!
It's New Y ear's Eve!
.
I'd rather stick a frozen squirrel up my ass.
Forget Nika and call Caprice!
Caprice has her period and she's given up smoking. 
Bad combination!
You're not having a crisis?
You say that one more time and I'll have one!
.
No crisis here!
.
Is that clear?
.
- Yep.
Have fun.
Hey, Marc...
- What?
.
I almost forgot...
Now the automatic makes sense.
Thanks, Alex.
The night he died. 
Dad was seen staggering drunk around the port.
They found him the next morning bobbing in the oily water.
The coroner was discreet.
He called it a heart attack.
Maybe it was.
maybe it was suicide.
It doesn 't matter and was probably for the best.
My brother and I collected Dad's worldly goods from the port authority's office:
the gold Dunhill lighter that wouldn 't light, the Ray Bans with one lens missing, a seawater-filled Heuer watch.
and his wallet with 15 marks and a Viagra prescription in it.
A few months later, I took Dad's boat out to sea and, as per the old man's wish, scattered his ashes.
As I was dumping the last bits in.
the wind turned and I took a blast of diesel fumes mixed with Dad's ashes in the face.
As I looked at the cheesy urn, I noticed Dad's name engraved on it.
I threw it overboard, a future conversation piece for beachcombers.
Mr. Somner!
.
- Mrs. Simon!
You can be very proud of your daughter.
I am proud of her.
She's very talented.
Her poem won a prize today.
A year later, imagine!
.
What poem?
.
- Didn't she tell you?
That's funny, she said she's got it from you.
What?
- The talent for writing.
She writes from the heart.
That's a great gift.
Well, I have to go.
I'll leave you her notebook.
You can give it back to her.
Has it really been a year?
Your words carry me to sleep, and I hope life will be fair.
I dream of the day we laughed.
of peacocks and feet,
I know I'll get confused.
But then I wake up and all is well.
I know it was your kiss on my forehead...
TH IS IS MY STORY...
TH E N IGHT H E DIED...
You look ridiculous.
I had higher hopes, too.
I cut it myself.
Your poem is beautiful.
I remembered something about Dad.
I know it took a while, but...
I'm ready now.
Well, my father...
My father was kind of a weekend crab fisherman, and I wanted to impress him.
So I decided to work on a commercial fishing boat for a year.
Now, if you want to catch a crab, you need to grab it by the ass.
I picked out the biggest one the crab didn't hesitate, grabbed Dad's knife and ran towards me.
Then it stopped and looked me straight in the eye.
...and Dad collapsed laughing.
So I'm running and running. 
Suddenly, the crab keeled over. 
Heart attack.
That's it, guys! 
Back to work!
. 
Go on!
.
You cooked all that up!
.
Well, I padded it out a little to make it more interesting.
You know, father and I never talked much, so I never learned much from him.
But in the only letter he ever wrote me, he told me if I ever thought that life was unjust or unfair,
I should think of that day... when that crab chased me.
Like that day at the cycling track?
I think about that a lot.
That's nice.
I'm very proud of you.
And I'm proud of you.
I almost forgot.
"The top 100 rock guitarists."' In writing!
Jimmy Hendrix, Eddie van Halen, Jimmy Page...
What?
Angus Young at number 50?
.
Were they on crack?
At times I thought Dad's demons had got to me too.
But I know one thing for sure:
I'm not going to try drowning them.
This is my story.
and Ia ll stick to it.
I don 't want to travel alone anymore.
I want somebody to contradict my tall tales, somebody to cut me down to size.
I need your help to climb the mountain of all mountains, the Tourmalet. so to speak, and I hope you'll come.
Because I think...
I'm in love with you!
There, I said it, or at least wrote it...
The L word.

THIS IS MY STORY
This is my story.
I remember Mom zipping me into a snow suit to send me off to the doctor with Dad when I was around two.
We were waiting for Dad to fire up the car.
He was broke and racing a supercharged Corvair, a mid-sixties flat six Chevy.
When he turned the key the engine erupted.
I'd squeal with joy white Mom murmured the Lord's Prayer.
When I was around four, the old man left.
I imagine him with his head held high, defiantty making his mistake.
He did do two things right, though:
He left without a scene and without a dime.
ONE YEAR EARLIER...
What's up with you and these American cars?
The bigger the steering wheel, the better the car. 
Everybody knows that!
But the fucking thing won"t even start!
Why don"t you try the choke?
Here we go!
They"re all doped anyway.
Yeah, that's right.
That way everybody plays by the same rules.
A formula one car doesn"t run on diesel either.
Bullshit. 
Only a sissy like Armstrong would dope.
A true cyclist swallows his pain.
That"s called heart.
Winners use EPO.
That"s what you call effective.
I think your friend's right.
Remember cyclists like Pantani who did 150 km on his own, no support from his team, no hope of winning, up the peaks.
That was real cycling!
It's pretty obvious what the deal is here.
Forget it.
L"m sure she"s got a boyfriend.
Oh yeah? 
Watch this!
- Alright.
Excuse me?
My buddy and I are skipping the tour this year.
Oh yeah?
- We've changed our priorities.
And the new ones are?
- We've converted to Buddhism... and we strongly believe in reincarnation now.
Very interesting!
In fact, when I look at you, I"d love to be reborn as your tank-top.
When do you finish?
Who"s asking?
- I am.
Suggestions?
- We could begin by driving you home.
Buddhism? 
What kind of a bullshit pick-up line is that?
Well?
I just finished.
PHANTOM PAIN
Hey!
I haven"t seen you in so long.
Is your Mom angry?
- A little.
Can't you ever be on time?
Six o"clock. 
Not a minute later.
It won"t happen, but at least I said it now.
Bye honey. 
Have fun.
He won"t help you with your homework, so be back on time.
- Yeah, alright.
Your last payment arrived, what?
Six months ago?
L"m paying her school fees and everything else, while you"re playing with cars!
L"m sorry!
I have to write a poem for school.
I thought maybe you could help me?
Not a chance!
Please, s'il vous plait, per favore...
No, nein, nyet.
Is that a peacock feather?
It's beautiful.
Can I ask you something?
'Course. 
Anything.
Did your dad take you here, too?
So I can't ask you anything after all.
Okay, anything except about the old man.
- That's not fair.
Look...
The peacock has the most beautiful feathers, the envy of all other birds.
And it knows. 
When it shows off its plumage, it"s really arrogant.
The problem is, the peacock also has the ugliest feet.
They say when he looks down at his feet his plumage contracts immediately and he becomes all humble and modest.
So life is fair and everything balances out? 
- Exactly.
And if it doesn't, just think about my kiss on your forehead.
Will you help me with the poem?
I can"t hear you!
Promise? 
You"ll write something?
I promise.
I waited at least an hour for you!
L"m sorry.
What about the poem? 
You promised.
And I really tried, but...
I just can't write.
Can you give this to your mom?
Yeah, great.
Get home safely.
Hey Angus!
Thanks for dinner!
Are you out of your mind?
I'm living on dried mole these days.
- Do you need any money?
I'll take you up on that later.
Sleep well.
By the way...
- I know,
AC/DC is the best rock band ever.
No, not AC/DC...
Angus Young!
- Angus Young, okay.
Fact!
Dad had never been around much to begin with, so it was years before I noticed he was gone.
Atways a man of rituat, he probably took four V-neck T-shirts, a Zippo lighter, a carton of Craven cigarettes and not much else.
Mom said he was on a business trip, which was true in a way.
That's alt I ever got by way of an exptanation, and I suppose it was enough.
L"m sorry, Vinny. 
Won"t happen again!
- What was up Saturday?
Let me guess.
The first stage of the Vuelta?
Get your ass in gear!
For that price, I'd recommend a yoga weekend in the Maldives.
Anyway, a woman like you needs a racing bike, not a mountain bike.
You'll want to sell me a ladies" bike next, right?
We don't even have any. 
- Whatever.
I've always wanted a mountain bike.
Follow me.
L"ll show you something.
Just needs some love.
Well, it's not bad.
How much?
For you... 28 euros and 50 cents.
What's the catch?
- No catch.
They call me the cyclists' Robin Hood.
Cute. 
And where are your tights?
- Left them in the forest.
Alright Robin, that"s it. 
Get your stuff!
He was selling me a bike!
- Too cheaply.
L"ll have two gyros with plenty of tzaziki.
And moussaka for you?
Two cold sakes?
Okay.
- Two cold sakes please.
Where do the lobsters come from?
Canada.
- I mean from the west coast or east coast?
East coast. 
Because there's no lobsters on the west coast.
They"ve only got ordinary crabs.
The fishermen there were pissed, because there"s more money in lobsters.
So they petitioned their government to bring lobsters to the west.
The government carried out a study of the marine environment on the west coast:
Salinity, oxygen content...
And they concluded that conditions for introducing lobsters were perfect.
So they chartered a huge plane to carry 50,000 lobsters, fitted with oxygenated water tanks and everything.
They tied the lobsters' claws with rubber bands, so they wouldn't get hurt during the flight.
And to make sure they wouldn"t get bored, they put on special lobsters' in-flight entertainment.
They had movies, music...
- Table dancing?
Not as far as I know, but they had Play-Stations. 
No alcohol was served, they don't take well to that.
Anyway, the plane zipped across Canada and landed in Vancouver.
There, they were taken aboard a ship and out to sea.
Each lobster was carefully lowered into the water with a special lobster crane.
And just as the last lobster was sinking, like a leaf on the wind, one of those smart-ass university types asks,
"'How are they going to feed with the rubber bands around their claws?"
Helpless, they could only club their prey over the head...
So that was the end of lobster fishing on the west coast.
And the moral is?
Don't mess with Mother Nature.
True story?
You travel around the world to go cycling...
Only to places that have mountains.
That"s Tourmalet.
Haven"t done that yet, it's my big dream.
Sounds good.
The Little Prince.
I love Saint-Exupery.
You know, he was terribly in love with this countess once, and one day he asked her shyly, "Do you love me?"
She answered, "'Oui, mon chÄcrie, I love you with all my heart ...tonight!"'
I could have said that.
Why do you like him?
- Because of his double-decker plane.
Nah, he was a man of letters and action all in one, that"s why.
What's this?
- That...
It"s just a travelogue I once wrote about a cycling tour of Sri Lanka.
You write?
Not anymore.
Can I read it?
- Better not.
Let"s go to bed.
It's beautiful!
Really?
Who took these notes?
A friend sent it to a publisher.
The editor didn't agree with you.
Why? 
The notes are good.
- "'Explain the word punkah"'?
If you don"t know what that is, go look it up!
What is a punkah?
- A human-powered ceiling fan.
What did the editor say?
- Don't know. 
I never called them back.
Because of the punkah thing?
Did you write anything else?
- No.
Haven't touched a pen since.
What do you mean, "since"'?
For about ten years.
Nothing?
L"ll go cycling.
It's raining.
- It'll break up soon.
Will I see you later?
Maybe.
Any urbanite with any sense sometimes feets like a savage.
The onty cure is to go and get out there, atone.
So I hauted out my attas and there it was:
Sri Lanka, tike a teardrop hovering over the equator, a locket hanging from India's neck, its belty futl of rugged mountains.
Vitlages with names tike mouthfuls of mango, alt linked by asphalt snakes.
As I whizzed down from the Horton Ptains, cycling down cinnamon-cotored paths past endtess rice fields,
I reatized what the greatest luxury about traveting solo was:
Nobody there to point out that your happiness is unfounded.
I have a friend who"s an agent.
I told him about you.
He'd like to meet you.
Why?
Why what?
Why would he want that when he hasn"t read anything by me?
In fact, he has.
We're off to a great start here!
Come on!
L"m sorry.
Will you meet him?
No, I don"t have time right now.
- Why?
I'm too busy reading.
Marc, please!
When and where?
The Cafè Mirò, tomorrow at noon.
When I was eight, Dad flew me out for two weeks, and after that we went every August.
The visits were the high points of my year.
For Mom they were an annuat source of resentment.
In a pricetess maneuver, the old devit had upstaged her:
Next to no responsibility but guaranteed stardom courtesy of a red sports car, an apartment by the sea,
Suzie Quatro and a boat.
Around 1890, there were so many dead bodies floating in the Ganges that the Indian government decided to use the infamous snapping turtle.
Once released into the river, the turtles started eating up the bodies.
But one day, a fateful incident happened:
A turtle accidentally bit a peasant swimming in the river and realized that humans were tastier alive than dead.
Word spread quickly among the snapping turtle society and the turtles embarked on a feeding frenzy.
Two weeks later, 25% of all Indians were dead.
Okay guys, back to work!
Anyhow, that was the start of Operation Turtle, during which the army caught all male turtles and neutered them.
The snapping turtles died out, but by the time the last one died, only 75,000 people were still alive in India.
75,000! 
In India!
That story is complete nonsense.
Straight from the Herald Tribune!
Funny story!
- Oh yeah?
I didn't hear you laugh.
You're fired!
We're talking about a polytrauma here.
His condition is serious.
His chances of survival... aren't high.
What are they?
I'm very sorry.
We'll do everything we can.
He'll live, you'll see.
We tried everything, but there's no circulation in his lower thigh.
If we want to save his life, we"ll have to amputate his left leg.
The problem is, we're obliged to inform Mr. Somner.
But how? 
He"s in a coma.
- An induced coma.
We"ll reduce his intake of drugs until he"s in a state in which he's able to make a decision.
He'll die if we don"t do it.
Which one of you is closest to Mr. Somner?
What's this about?
- When he wakes up, I"d like you to help us make him understand what we recommend.
What do you mean?
Over 90% of all patients refuse when confronted with a limb amputation.
We can"t afford that in our position.
To be precise, we're hoping he"ll trust you and you"ll help him to make the right decision.
Where are you going to amputate?
- Unfortunately, above the knee.
Shit!
Holy shit!
Mr. Somner?
Can you hear me?
L"ll extract the tube now.
Hey, Marc.
You had an accident.
Your left leg"s in bad shape.
They'll...
They"ll need to amputate it if you want to live.
Are you nuts?
There are more needles stuck in me than a voodoo doll.
This is difficult enough for me.
If you agree, just nod.
Please!
You"ll have enough time to write now.
Shit, I can't laugh.
- What?
My ribs are broken.
Sorry.
At least I"ll get 50% off on pedicures now.
How's the leg?
Don"t know.
I haven't had the courage to look under the blanket yet.
I don't remember a thing.
- Don"t worry about that now.
It'll be alright.
At least the Heuer didn"t break.
You've got to get some sleep.
Alex?
- Yes?
It"s the Tour"s ninth stage today!
It"ll be the fifteenth tomorrow.
What he's experiencing is called phantom pain, actual pain sensations in the amputated leg. 
That's perfectly normal.
How is that possible?
He"s feeling the pain he actually experienced prior to the operation.
What a rip-off!
- What?
His leg"s rotting away in a trash can, but it still hurts him.
That"s a pretty bad deal, right?
How long"s this supposed to go on?
- Maybe six months or a year, sometimes it never goes away.
At 17 I'd had enough of schoot and deserted Mom on the sly.
Manic as she was, if I'd totd her I was moving in with Dad, she'd have seen it as defecting.
She caught me packing late at night.
As she was crying, she lashed me softty with her bathrobe.
It was humitiating and unforgettable.
What does the leg look like?
Like a giant ham.
Want to see?
Could you tell another story?
Nah, I don"t know...
- Please!
You know, I also hit my head and I think all the stories fell out.
I could tell a story.
Get the children out!
- Listen up!
Here it goes.
In Indonesia, rats are considered sacred.
But of course money is even more sacred, and that was the problem.
The rats were eating the sugarcane, the local farmers" main source of income.
Nobody wanted to commit the sin of killing a rat, so they released mongooses into the fields to eat the rats.
Eventually they realized that there were even more rats and therefore less sugarcane.
They tried to observe the rodents at work at night.
There wasn"t much to see, though, as mongooses sleep at night and hunt during the day and rats vice versa.
Hang on, I got it wrong there.
Mongooses hunt at night and sleep during the day, rats sleep at night and hunt during the day.
So, the moral is...
Don't mess with Mother Nature.
I can"t believe you remembered that story.
I told it five years ago.
Hello Mr. Somner, here we go again...
If you want to take a peek, it"s now or never...
Alright.
Let me have another sip first.
Looks like a pussy!
- You"re welcome to finger fuck it.
Not quite yet!
Sorry. 
Done in a minute.
How are you?
I should ask you that.
Good to see you.
I'm so sorry.
Where"ve you been?
I tried out my new bike by the sea.
Nice.
By yourself?
How did it happen?
No idea. 
It"s a blank.
And you don"t want to know?
- The leg"s gone, what can I do?
Of course, Captain Ahab felt differently.
Spent his whole life chasing Moby Dick.
For me?
A CD?
Can I open it?
It's more of a symbolic present.
Thank you.
Well, it's not all that symbolic.
I'm hoping you"ll use it, too.
When will you be out?
In a week.
They can't keep me here any longer.
I've got so much to do.
Good luck, okay?
Bye.
See you.
You look like my surgeon!
Cut the other leg off too?
Good to have you here.
I prepared the guest room.
A cripple doesn't take up much space.
Welcome home.
When the bailiffs knocked on his door, Dad did another vanishing trick.
Years tater, when he came back, things initiatly went according to plan.
He endured family responsibitities, went fishing and tried his best to fight back his demons.
What they were, I'lt never know. 
Who ever realty does?
But they were there, they were formidable and when they took hotd, he tried his best to drown them.
...and she goes, "'Ham and cheese."' He goes, "I haven't even started."
L"ll pick you up in an hour.
Alright.
Promise you won"t have a crisis.
Can I stare out of the window longingly?
Yep. 
It's not like you'd manage to throw yourself out.
There's always the old blow dryer in the bathtub trick.
This dump has a bathtub?
See you later!
Hi Marc, it"s Oliver. 
I just heard what happened. 
I can"t believe it.
I'm really sorry.
I don"t know what to say, but...
At least you"re still alive, right?
I know a guy who lost both his legs...
This is Mr. Meyerhofer.
You're behind on the rent again!
If I don't get the money in the next two days, you can look for a new place. 
Bye.
Marc, it"s Nika.
I don"t know if you"re back yet, but... I"d like to see you, alright?
Oh yeah: 8371432.
The Rheo Knee is equipped with state-of-the-art sensors.
Its joint can think and learn.
The leg will adjust to the way you walk.
Trouble is, your insurance won't cover the full costs.
But the most important thing is rehab.
You"ll have to go five days a week for at least three hours.
And how am I supposed to make money?
- Make money?
That should be the least of your worries right now.
But it"s number one on my list.
Poverty is a full-time job. 
I need that leg!
L"ll manage to scrape it together somehow.
How did your leg break off?
- Don't say that! 
He"s tost his leg!
I'm really sorry.
- It"s alright.
Your mom's right. 
I lost my leg, and now I can't find it anywhere.
You can have one of Barbie's legs if you want.
Do you also have Ken?
You see, I'm a boy.
No.
Can I help you?
- I'm alright, thanks.
Can I help you?
- I'm alright.
Marc?
- Deepak!
Are you getting on or off?
What happened?
My leg broke off.
Come see us sometime.
We miss your stories.
Let"s drink to the chef!
Thanks Marc, that was fantastic.
Let"s hope it stays down.
You're not doing too badly.
I wouldn"t have made it to the life boat on the Titanic, that"s for sure.
Morning.
- Morning.
I'll make you some coffee.
- L"m fine, thanks.
If he can fuck, he can make his own coffee.
Let"s hear it.
- Were we that noisy?
Pretty noisy.
Those are just mercy fucks.
Details, please!
Why are you so interested?
- Go on!
L"m a one-trick pony: 
She rides me.
I think I'll try doggy style in two weeks. 
With big Masha.
Lots of padding and handles.
Makes for a soft landing if you slip.
Looks like your performance wasn"t affected. 
- On the contrary!
Same sprinkler, smaller lawn, more pressure.
It gets so hard, not even a cat could scratch it.
I've got to go.
Bye.
Thanks for the leg.
It"s practical. 
If you step in dog shit, you can clean your shoe without taking it off. 
- Right.
Another round!
Where did the legless man get fucked?
On the beach, when the tide came in.
What's the matter?
I'll go talk to him for a second.
Hey Marc.
Sorry I didn"t call you.
Forget it.
So? 
Have you guys become friends?
How about a quick test drive?
Okay.
May I?
Tomorrow's New Year's Eve.
Made any resolutions?
Luckily, I've made so many that I'll forget them all.
I won't be able to become a firefighter.
By the time I'm down the pole, the house will be in ashes.
But you wouldn't have to worry about burning your left foot.
What about the writing?
Hey, what's your problem?
It was just a question.
I don"t think you understand.
I don"t have time to write!
I need to make some money.
That"s bullshit!
It"s a matter of principle.
You sound like my girlfriend.
I have a problem with that word.
Dad's final descent was painfut.
We'd fought over money, and a two-year cold war ensued.
We estabtished a "no talking zone."
During this time, he nearty kicked the bucket twice, and I went to the hospitat to sitently cradle the former middteweight's emaciated frame.
Let"s party!
It"s New Year"s Eve!
L"d rather stick a frozen squirrel up my ass.
Forget Nika and call Caprice!
Caprice has her period and she's given up smoking. 
Bad combination!
You're not having a crisis?
You say that one more time and I"ll have one!
No crisis here!
Is that clear?
- Yep.
Have fun.
Hey, Marc...
- What?
I almost forgot...
Now the automatic makes sense.
Thanks, Alex.
The night he died, Dad was seen staggering drunk around the port.
They found him the next morning bobbing in the oity water.
The coroner was discreet.
He catled it a heart attack.
Maybe it was, maybe it was suicide.
It doesn't matter and was probabty for the best.
My brother and I coltected Dad's worldly goods from the port authority's office:
The gold Dunhilt lighter that wouldn't light, the Ray Bans with one tens missing, a seawater-fitled Heuer watch, and his waltet with 15 marks and a Viagra prescription in it.
A few months later, I took Dad's boat out to sea and, as per the otd man's wish, scattered his ashes.
As I was dumping the tast bits in, the wind turned and I took a btast of diesel fumes mixed with Dad's ashes in the face.
As I looked at the cheesy urn, I noticed Dad's name engraved on it.
I threw it overboard, a future conversation piece for beachcombers.
Mr. Somner!
- Mrs. Simon!
You can be very proud of your daughter.
I am proud of her.
She"s very talented.
Her poem won a prize today.
A year later, imagine!
What poem?
- Didn't she tell you?
That's funny, she said she's got it from you.
What?
- The talent for writing.
She writes from the heart.
That"s a great gift.
Well, I have to go.
I'll leave you her notebook.
You can give it back to her.
Has it really been a year?
Your words carry me to sleep, and I hope tife witl be fair.
I dream of the day we laughed, of peacocks and feet,
I know I'lt get confused.
But then I wake up and alt is welt.
I know it was your kiss on my forehead...
THIS IS MY STORY...
THE NIGHT HE DIED...
You look ridiculous.
I had higher hopes, too.
I cut it myself.
Your poem is beautiful.
I remembered something about Dad.
I know it took a while, but... I"m ready now.
Well, my father...
My father was kind of a weekend crab fisherman, and I wanted to impress him.
So I decided to work on a commercial fishing boat for a year.
Now, if you want to catch a crab, you need to grab it by the ass.
I picked out the biggest one the crab didn"t hesitate, grabbed Dad"s knife and ran towards me.
Then it stopped and looked me straight in the eye.
...and Dad collapsed laughing.
So I'm running and running. 
Suddenly, the crab keeled over. 
Heart attack.
That"s it, guys! 
Back to work! 
Go on!
You cooked all that up!
Well, I padded it out a little to make it more interesting.
You know, father and I never talked much, so I never learned much from him.
But in the only letter he ever wrote me, he told me if I ever thought that life was unjust or unfair,
I should think of that day... when that crab chased me.
Like that day at the cycling track?
I think about that a lot.
That"s nice.
L"m very proud of you.
And I"m proud of you.
I almost forgot.
"The top 100 rock guitarists."' In writing!
Jimmy Hendrix, Eddie van Halen, Jimmy Page...
What?
Angus Young at number 50?
Were they on crack?
At times I thought Dad's demons had got to me too.
But I know one thing for sure:
I'm not going to try drowning them.
This is my story, and I want to stick to it.
I don't want to travet atone anymore.
I want somebody to contradict my tati tales, somebody to cut me down to size.
I need your help to ctimb the mountain of alt mountains, the Tourmatet, so to speak, and I hope you'tl come.
Because I think...
I'm in tove with you!
There, I said it, or at teast wrote it...
The L word.
FOR STEPHEN SUMNER

- How is this? 
Is it okay?
- # Jingle bells chime... #
Uh, no you have to move it a little to left
- # Jingle bells chime... # 
- Alright, here we go.
- What's up?
- No, on the other left.
On my other left? 
I only have one left.
It's just an expression.
Just move to the other direction.
***
No, no, just move it to the other way.
- Move to the other way.
- Towards your left.
Your left and my left are the same, 'cause we're facing the same direction.
We're two different people.
We can't have the same left.
Doesn't make sense.
Here we go again.
- Hey-oh!
- Yo!
Well, aw... all right, hey, go in the back, we got some more Christmas lights.
- We need some help.
- No, we're not helping you.
Come on! 
It's almost Christmas.
Get into the spirit.
Let's put some decorations up.
Whoa.
- What in the hell is that?
- Yeah, you like that?
That's an industrial-size snowblower we got from some dude on the Internet from the Poconos.
Yeah, you know how it never snows on Christmas?
We got a backup plan this year.
We're going to have a white Christmas out in front of the bar.
We're gonna make the snow ourselves.
If you guys love Christmas so much, why do you always wait until the last possible minute to put up the Christmas decorations?
It is the day before Christmas.
That's our tradition.
Yeah, that's what we do.
We drink a lot of eggnog.
We pass out, and then, you know, we don't put anything up, so we do it all last-minute.
Yeah, then we wake up Christmas morning and throw rocks at trains.
Why would grown men throw rocks at trains?
Why wouldn't we throw rocks at trains? 
It's...
Yeah, it's awesome. 
It's what you do on Christmas morning.
- We've been doing it since we were kids.
- Look, whatever.
I'm sorry that we love Christmas, and we have awesome traditions, and you guys hate Christmas.
Well, they hate Christmas because I always got the best gifts and Frank always gave them shitty presents.
Oh!
You think we don't like Christmas because Frank got us shitty presents?
Is that really what you think?
No, Frank didn't buy shitty presents.
Frank bought the most awesome presents in the entire world.
As a matter of fact, he would find out whatever Christmas presents we wanted that year, and he would buy them for himself instead of buying them for us.
Yeah.
- Really?
- Yeah.
That must have been why he wanted me to walkie you guys when you got to the bar.
'Cause he was trying to do something about making your Christmas better...
Yo, Frank, the Eagle's landed.
They're here, so, uh... over and out.
Go ahead.
- Tell them to go outside.
- No.
Frank, whatever Christmas presents you bought for yourself, you can bring them in the bar and ruin them in front of us in here.
No can do.
It's too big.
And, Dennis, you're really going to want to see this.
It's your dream gift.
My dream gift?
What is he...?
Nah, oh... oh...
No, God, no.
Goddamn it!
Merry Christmas, bitches.
Deandra... look at this.
A nice Sergio Giorgini bag.
- You wanty?
- I don't want it.
Fake-out!
It's mine.
And I use it to keep in my Cheesy Loops and... chocolate-covered malted milk balls.
What is your problem, Frank?
Why do you do this to us every year?
I do it to you every year, Deandra, because you and your brother never learned the lesson that I try to impart at Christmastime.
Oh, my God.
And that is, you have to earn what you get.
This principle made me a multimillionaire.
No, no, stealing millions of dollars from your ex-business partner is what made you a millionaire, Frankra
Eugene Hamilton was a great man.
Do not speak ill of the dead.
She's speaking ill of you.
Oh, whatever.
I'm gonna... burn up the rubber with my Lamborghini.
Oh, I got my nice Sergio Giorgini bag.
Damn son of a bitch!
How can he do this to me?
!
He's gone too far this year.
Okay, he's not even our dad anymore, and he's still doing this.
I can't take it anymore.
Who puts cheesy snacks and chocolate in a designed bag.
Oh dear, ***
Okay, well *** begin to compare a $250,000 Italian sports car to a handbag, but I get your point.
This has got to stop.
However, the good news is,
I think there's a big opportunity in this.
What kind of opportunity?
Well, Frank seems to think that his old business partner's dead.
- He's not dead?
- Nope.
And that gives me a very interesting idea.
So, you want to talk to me about Frank Reynolds?
Yes, we do.
See, Mr. Hamilton, we heard about how Frank dicked you all up and down, and we thought we'd give you a chance to get some payback.
Mm-hmm.
We thought you might want to help us because, you see, Frank thinks you're dead.
Well...
I have forgiven Frank.
- What?
- Frank?
You see... some years ago, I had a near-death experience, and I...
I saw the light and I saw the truth of the Lord and Savior
Jesus Christ.
Oh. 
Uh-oh.
So I have forgiven everyone who ever did me any harm.
Okay, well, uh, that's cool because you could probably still help us.
Frank has not found the Lord yet.
No... 
Frank's got nowhere near the Lord.
Yeah, and so, in the spirit of the Lord and Christmas and...
And God.
...uh, all that, we want to do a Christmas Carol type thing, where we show him the error of his ways through his past, his present, and his future.
See, Mr. Hamilton, we feel like if Frank can just understand what a dick he's been to people in his past, and how he's just going to probably end up old and alone like yourself,
then maybe he'll be able to make up for some of his past mistakes.
When can I talk to Frank about his salvation?
At the end.
- You can do it at the very, very end.
- The very end.
- The very, very end...
- Yeah. 
Yeah.
But in the meantime, we need you to be our ghost.
Just being in your childhood room is giving me the Christmas spirit, bro.
Yeah, dude.
It's awesome, huh?
It's pretty cool that your mom kept all your stuff, man.
Yeah, dude.
I'm telling you I think I've got an Omnibot around here somewhere.
- You remember Omnibots?
- Totally. 
Those were amazing.
- Oh, my God, so cool.
- Oh, check this out, dude.
- Look at that: karate trophy.
- Why do you have a karate trophy?
- I found that in the street.
- Oh, that makes sense, okay.
And, oh! 
Captain Caveman.
Oh!
Hey remember when we ***
- *** 
- Absolutely!
And then we would bash away at 'em, and we'd bash the dogs to pieces.
Yeah, boom! 
Remember that?
- Simon?
!
- Simon.
Dude, this game was my favorite.
Do you remember how challenging this was?
Yeah, but, Charlie, don't get lost in that, okay? 
Just...
- I got the first one, bro.
Uh-oh.
Ooh, ooh.
It just threw me a curveball here...
did you catch that?
- Uh, it went "bee-boop." 
- I know, but I don't know what order.
- Which one was "bee"?
- Which one lit up?
The yellow and blue both lit up.
- Well, then press yellow and blue.
- I don't remember which order it happened.
- Oh, okay, you got it.
- Yeah.
You got lucky, though.
Okay, now three happened, and I have no idea which three.
Hey-oh!
Boop ba-ba, beep-beep, ba-ba-ba!
# Omnibot, the breaking robot from the... #
Dude, we're going to put a Santa hat on him.
He's going to serve us drinks and break-dance.
- That is awesome, dude.
- Yeah, it's awesome.
What was he holding here?
Is this his, like, instructional video?
"Christmas Day 1985."
Oh, shit!
This is a home movie
- my dad made of Christmas.
- Really?
Oh, yeah, every Christmas morning he would videotape me opening up my presents.
- Toss that shit in, man.
- Yeah, man.
Look, son, a video camera, hmm?
Oh, this is something.
Can I open mine now?
No, no, keep your voice down.
Let your mother open hers first, okay?
Here we go.
Here we go.
"Mom."
Let's go, Ma. 
Can't wait.
Hon, wow!
Cashmere!
Beautiful!
- That's gonna look good on you, baby.
- Oh, yeah!
- Now can I go?
- Uh, not yet, son.
Let's see what Daddy got, hmm?
Let's see what it is.
Would you look at this.
A brand-new stereo.
Oh, look at that.
That's gonna be perfect for the living room.
- Yeah!
- Goddamn it!
Can I goddamn go?
!
This is taking forever!
Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine.
You go. 
You go, yeah.
Okay. 
It's your turn.
- Let's see what you got.
- Let's see.
A Cabbage Patch Dep.
You don't have to yell like that, okay?
Who's down there?
What?
- Oh, my God!
- Who's down there?
!
Time to go, time to go.
All right, move.
Son, get your... there we go.
Open the door.
Get the stereo, get the stereo.
Honey, get the stereo.
That was awesome.
- My dad looks really young, doesn't he?
- Dude, what was... what was that?
What happened right there? 
Huh?
What was the family on the stairs?
What was that?
That was probably the next family coming in to get their presents.
What are you...
What are you talking about?
What was happening there?
That was the Christmas tradition.
Where you go from house to house collecting your presents and then, when the next family comes, you would run.
I'm not aware of this tradition, Mac.
In fact, I think that you were just stealing from that home.
Oh, no.
I was taking their presents, but they were taking mine.
Yeah, dude.
That's why there were never any presents at my house when I got back: the neighbors took them.
Its a South Philly tradition, Charlie.
No, mm-mm, that makes no...
People don't do that, dude.
That doesn't make any sense.
You're telling me that Christmas morning, you would not go to your neighbor's house and take their presents?
No! 
No one does that.
Well, my dad told me that that was the tradition.
And your dad is like a thief and a murderer who eats people, so he's not really trustworthy.
This is really dicking with my Christmas spirit.
Okay, whoa, bro.
I tell you what: 
I got a plan.
Let's go to my house, you know.
You'll see how my mom does it.
We'll get you right back in the Christmas mood.
- All right?
- All right?
Okay, all right. 
Okay.
You think... you think these chains are really necessary?
Yeah, they're necessary.
It's part of the whole thing.
Yeah, it's part of the look.
Okay, now this is how it's gonna work.
I'm going to pump this smoke under the door.
Then you blast in there and give Frank a good scare.
Yeah, and remember, he's really gonna believe you're a ghost, so he's going to listen to anything you say.
Definitely, definitely.
You sit him down, you make him watch the videotape.
And that's what's going to prove how horrible he's been to us all these years.
- Yeah.
- When you're doing the ghost thing, you really got to sell it...
- you know what I mean?
- Make it sound real, like a ghost would.
- Yeah, do it up; do it up.
- Okay.
Frank!
Frank!
Frank!
Put some vio brato into it.
Fr-a-a-nk!
Frank!
Fire! 
Fire! 
Fire!
We're gonna die!
We're all gonna die!
We're gonna suffocate!
Gotta get outta here!
Gotta get out! 
We're gonna die!
Calm down, Frank.
Calm down. 
There's no fire.
Eugene?
Yes.
- A ghost! 
Ghost! 
Ghost!
- No, no!
Ghost! 
Ghost!
Get out! 
Get out!
No, Frank, stop, stop!
Deandra! 
Deandra!
Stop it, Frank!
- You're supposed to listen to the guy.
- No, he's dead!
Calm down, Frank!
Go sit on the couch and keep your mouth shut, okay?
Just sit and listen!
Thank you. 
Now, yes, you're right.
Your old business partner is not dead.
But Mr. Hamilton, do you have something that you'd like to say to Frank?
I do.
Are you familiar with the forgiving nature of our Lord and ***
No, no, no Eugene, at the end, okay?
For the love of God, at the end, okay?
- This is the beginning.
- Okay, but if you're gonna bring God into it, could you do, like, the Old Testament and the
Covenant and keeping your eyes closed or your face will melt and the coins and the fear and the Indiana Jones?
You know what? 
Sit-Sit...
- Just sit on the couch.
- Okay.
- We'll take it from here, okay?
- Thank you. 
Thank you.
Good job, buddy; good job.
Okay, um, bust out the video.
- The tape now, right?
- Let's do the video.
What the hell is this?
Welcome to your Christmas past, Frank.
Is this gonna take long?
Because it's cutting into my Countach time.
I was gonna go out and make some modifications to the car.
- Modifications on the...?
- Yeah.
No, no, no, you do not make modifications on a Countach.
That car is "pehr-fect."
Yeah, but I can't reach the door when it goes up, and I was gonna put a wire rig and then drop the bag.
You are gonna ruin that car, Frank!
You're gonna ruin it!
Okay, okay, we're gonna take you on a journey, like the Christmas Carol, and you're gonna be a better person, and your life will be enriched and fulfilled, and just watch the TV.
Hmm.
Okay, Dennis, Deandra, come and get your presents.
- We have presents!
- Oh, yes! 
Yes!
Presents! 
Presents! 
Presents!
- Christmas, 1986.
- Mm-hmm.
This is where you destroyed Christmas for us forever.
Oh, no, no, open the biggest one first.
That's the one.
Look at that, yeah!
That's for both of you.
Tear it apart.
Go on.
What's in there?
There's nothing in there.
Fake-out! 
There's nothing in any of 'em!
Now go wake up your pillhead mother.
Aw, this is bringing back such great memories!
The fake-out was the best, right?
Right, Eugene?
No! 
No!
Eugene, will you please tell him what a terrible person he's been for always doing this to us, please?
What are you talking about?
Eugene was the guy who taught me the fake-out.
He's right.
But I have changed, my good friend.
- Yeah, see, he's changed.
- Yeah, that's the point.
That's the point. 
He changed, and so, now it's time for you to change.
- Yeah!
- They're right.
Are you ready to find the loving arms of God?
- God!
- Where is your anger?
This is time to get your vengeance, guy!
- Let's all go to church!
- No!
- No?
!
- Church?
All right, let's move on to Christmas present.
- Yeah, this...
- Let's just continue the journey.
All right, grab your jacket.
- Eugene?
- All right.
- Up, up, up, up, up. 
Come on.
- Let's go.
Come on, Eugene, let's go.
Yeah, man.
See, this is Christmas, right?
Yeah, your mom's really into this, huh?
She loves it. 
Hey, Ma! 
Hey, Ma! 
Hey!
- Oh! 
Hey! 
Merry Christmas!
- I'm so excited! 
It's almost Christmas!
I'm so excited!
- Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas!
Ooh, you brought the vodka!
# Glug, glug, glug, glug! 
#
# Christmastime, Christmastime! 
#
# Drinking on Christmas! 
#
Thank you!
Well, listen, you guys, you make yourselves at home.
I'll be in the kitchen making gingerbread men for my gingerbread boys.
- Yeah, gingerbread men!
- All right, man, I'm feeling I'm back!
- This is Christmas, man!
- Mac is back!
You got good tunes, good food on the way.
My mom and I would be excited about the Santas coming over.
- Yeah.
- This is Christmas, bro!
Yeah, the, the what?
The Santas that come over on Christmas morning to cheer my mom up.
The Santas? 
Plural?
- What the hell are you talking about?
- Yeah.
Oh, dude, this was like the best tradition ever, man.
Every Christmas morning I would run to the door and I'd open it, and I'd find the first Santa Claus.
Now, the Santa Claus would come in and he'd give me a present, you know, or something, and then he'd go in the room with my mom and cheer her up for a while.
Then the doorbell would ring, and the next Santa Claus would come and he'd give me a present or something or other, and he'd go cheer my mom up for a while.
# He knows when you're awake #
# He knows if you've been bad or good... #
# So be good, for goodness' sake... #
I didn't always understand the presents... but I always found a way to have fun with them.
# Santa Claus is coming to town... #
Wait, dude, one year, Santa even brought one of his elves.
It's like a goddamn ***
Or I think he was an elf.
You know, the memory was blurried for some reasons.
Merry Christmas.
Charlie, I...
I hate to *** you man, but based on the story that you have just told me,
I think your mother was a prostitute.
- What?
- Yeah.
Come on, man! 
I'm just saying based on that story that you just told me,
I'm fairly certain that those Santas were running a train on your mom for money.
No, dude, they would just give my mom money, and go...
Yeah.
Chew on that for a second.
- Let that settle in.
- No, no.
Yes.
- No, no.
- Yes. 
Yes.
- No!
- Yes.
- No!
- Okay, just relax.
- No!
- Are you okay?
- No.
- Jesus Christ, let's get you out of here.
- No!
- Let's get you out of here.
- Merry Christmas, Mrs. Kelly.
- No! 
No!
Just relax, dude.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Okay, here we go.
Come on in, guys.
Why... 
Why would you take me to my old real estate office?
Well, because Frank, tonight's the annual Christmas party and we want to show you how much our ex-employees despise you.
***
- why is it a Christmas present to me?
- It's not a Christmas present, Frank.
This is the Christmas present.
All right, Frank, here's the plan:
We're gonna hide you somewhere in the office, so you can hear people talking shit about you, all right?
Oh, that's cool.
Oh, I see where you're going with this now.
Sew me into the couch.
Sew you into the couch?
What are you saying?
Yeah, that's what I do at home all the time.
Hide in the couch.
It's a great hiding place.
I catch Charlie pounding off all the time.
Pounding off? 
Where do you get these terms, Frank?
Why do you want to catch Charlie masturbating?
No, I don't care!
No, let's just hide you in a closet or under a desk or something.
Look, you want to do this Christmas Carol bullshit, you do it my way.
Okay, fine, we'll sew you into a couch, Frank.
Okay, right, you just rip off the back, take out the stuffing, put me inside and sew it up.
# It's the most wonderful time of the year#
Excuse me, folks.
Hey, happy holidays, huh?
Here we go.
- How we doing over here?
- Uh, not well. 
This is ridiculous.
People are definitely starting to notice.
Of course they're starting to notice.
There's a grown man crammed inside of a couch, for Christ's sakes.
They're gonna notice.
Let's just talk to some people.
How about... how about them right there?
- This guy?
- Can you grab that guy?
- Hey, you two.
- Hey!
Hey, you two!
So how we doing at the Christmas party?
- We having a good time?
- Yes, great.
- Great, great.
- Good, good.
So, u Sh, Frank Reynolds...
Oh, yeah, we were just talking about him.
- He's the worst, huh?
- Right?
Do, do you work here?
- Yeah, of course, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Well, we pop around.
- Yeah, we pop around here.
- We're consultationists...
- For this.
So we consult here.
We consult across the street, too.
- Across the whole street.
- Is there a man in that couch?
What are you saying?
A man in a couch?
- Hello?
- That's absurd!
I believe there's a man in that couch right there.
There is no man!
There's no man.
Say some things about Frank Reynolds.
Say 'em loud, and make sure that they're horrible, horrible things, and then we'll deal with the man in the couch.
So there is a man in the couch.
All right, just call Frank Reynolds an asshole.
Who is Frank Reynolds?
He's the man in the couch!
Oh, my God, what are you people doing?
!
Will you just say something about Frank that's horrible?
!
Call him an asshole!
Frank Reynolds is an asshole!
- There you go!
- Thank you!
Oh, great! 
Now you've...
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Oh, no! 
Oh, no!
What is happening!
Aah! 
Can't breathe!
- Too hot!
- ***
- Too hot in the couch.
- Okay, she called you an asshole.
- She called you an asshole, Frank!
- No air! 
No air!
Air! 
Air!
Oh! 
Geez!

A SPOT OF BOTHER
Thank you.
What's that?
Bugger!
Skin cancer!
Jean-Paul!
Coming!
Did you find a suit?
No, I'll go back on Monday.
Less people.
Don't leave it too long.
You need it for the funeral.
I won't go.
You won't go?
He was your best friend.
Best of a bad bunch.
Don't be so awful.
You're right. 
Sorry.
Cathie rang.
They're coming for lunch.
"They"?
Cathie, Hugo and Philippe.
That's all we need.
Just try to be civil.
For Cathy's sake, at least.
Single-digit IQ, brother in jail.
It's hard to get overjoyed.
A bouncer.
I hoped for better.
That's harsh.
He runs his own company.
Some company!
He employs 6 gorillas on steroids.
Microsoft, it ain't.
So long as she doesn't marry him.
We're planning it for Spring.
I'll get some champagne.
Yes.
I'm Zorro! 
I'll kill you!
That's not a good idea.
I'll help your mother.
Knives are dangerous.
How do I kill you then?
Killing people isn't polite.
Let's play horsey.
He'll be a member of the family.
Until we die or emigrate!
You hope to change her mind?
We couldn't even get her to eat her greens.
Mathieu won't come to the wedding.
He calls the guy F-Minus.
He'll destroy our family.
Mathieu will come, like it or not.
I won't let my children fall out.
Come on...
Champagne!
It's a wonderful life!
As we speak, all I know is I'm gonna have a great wife.
She could've found a better bloke.
But I'll take care of her.
She'll be so happy.
If you say so.
What do you prefer?
Book a hotel for the reception or do it here with caterers?
Here would be nicer.
We'll foot the bill.
You already paid once.
That's out of the question.
If we're going to do it, we'll do it right.
Thanks.
That's cool.
Have some more cake.
I'd love some.
Wicked cake, Mrs Muret.
With the little sauce there.
Kick-ass stuff.
Are you okay?
You're very pale.
I'm fine.
Give me your lighter.
I'm gonna burn the bus.
We won't burn anything, Hugo.
For the honeymoon, we're thinking Barcelona.
Is it far?
Barcelona, Dad. 
In Spain.
That's nice.
How's the building going?
I'd better check.
I don't care what you think, Dad.
It's my life!
I'll marry Philippe, like it or not.
Philippe loves me.
He's reliable.
I know you'd prefer a high-flyer, but I married one and he shat on me.
From a great height.
Even if you object, we'll go ahead anyway.
What's wrong with the guy
Jean-Paul?
It's you.
Is something wrong?
She kept shouting.
I was finding it hard to talk.
Are you okay?
Not terribly.
What's wrong?
Why'd you rush out like that?
I felt dizzy.
Needed some fresh air.
Because of Philippe?
Who's Philippe?
No, not because of Philippe.
Are you feeling better now?
A little.
I'll ring the doctor.
Screw doctors!
They tell you you're dying, then go and play golf.
Don't be silly.
Come on...
Let's get you inside.
I think I'll go and lie down.
Your father's not feeling well.
It's not the wedding or Philippe.
Why didn't you say?
Letting me fly off the handle.
You don't need any help there.
Can I come in your cave, Grandpa?
Come on, sunshine.
The yellow monster can't get us now.
Don't worry, yellow monsters are dying off with global warming.
What kind of animal's a heffalump?
An animal that doesn't exist.
Is it furry?
No, it doesn't exist.
So it has wings?
Yes, it's an animal that doesn't exist with furry wings.
Are you funny, Grandpa?
No, the unanimous verdict is that I'm not.
Sorry, he slipped the leash.
It's okay.
We were talking, weren't we?
Can I join you?
It's cat and dog downstairs. 
Scary.
Come on, Grandpa, let's play a game.
- I'm a bit tired, sunshine.
- You have to.
You play, I'll watch.
Let Grandpa rest.
I'll play with you.
I've got you, you've got me by the chinny-chin-chin.
The first one of us to laugh, we'll wipe off his grin.
She wants to get married in jeans, with no reception.
We're hitting rock bottom.
Rock bottom.
- A 2nd wedding's different.
- Different, not discount.
Make an effort for your folks.
It's hard for them, hitting rock bottom.
Can you settle this downstairs?
You've lost me.
Leave Grandpa to rest.
Sorry about earlier.
Shouting at you like that.
It's okay.
I'm used to it.
You have 1 new message.
Mathieu, it's Mum.
Can you believe your sister and Philippe are getting married?
It was quite a surprise as you can imagine.
Your father's still recovering.
Cathie said you should bring someone.
Anyone you want.
There you go. 
Lots of love.
I don't believe it!
Hi, Cathie, it's me.
Mum told me the news.
You could've called.
I was about to but Hugo threw a tantrum.
Are you sure?
You've thought it through?
Yes, Mathieu, I'm sure.
Right...
Hi there, lover.
Sorry, Olivier's just arrived.
He's getting an invite?
Of course! 
It'd be great.
Yeah, great.
It's up to you, but I'd love him to come.
Why divide your life into separate compartments?
It's safer.
It's like a zoo. 
Take the cages away, it's a bloodbath.
I'll think about it.
Okay, bye.
Bye.
What are you doing here?
I wanted to see you.
It's Tuesday.
Weird. 
I want to see you even on Tuesdays.
I'm late.
Going out?
Everything okay?
Sure.
I dunno.
My sister's going to marry F-Minus.
It won't work.
She's just sick of being a single mother.
And I'm invited?
Yeah, Mum vaguely mentioned bringing someone.
A vague someone.
What's the problem?
My folks'll introduce you as a friend from work.
Imagine Philippe's friends!
After 5 beers, they'll burn us or demand blow jobs.
You think? 
Dream on.
Slow down. 
I want to go to your sister's wedding.
To go with you.
You'll have a shit time.
So will I. Except it's myfamily.
- Sure, it's a wedding.
- It's not a wedding.
It's my sister marrying an asshole.
Again!
So? 
You're not the one marrying F-Minus!
You don't care if she's happy, you want a veto.
- I don't wanna talk about this.
- I do.
The problem isn't him or your family, the problem's you.
Being seen with a steady boyfriend freaks you out.
Am I wrong?
Chest pain?
No.
Lose your balance? 
Fall over?
No. 
But the plates did.
Were you running away from something?
Were you frightened of something?
What were you frightened of?
Very interesting.
Discoid eczema.
A week of cortisone cream will sort that out.
Unless I'm badly mistaken.
Really?
Tuck yourself back in.
Yes, sorry.
Is something wrong?
It felt less like cheating when Jean-Paul was working.
Now, when I get home, he's there.
There's not enough space between you.
And too much space between your visits.
Let me take advantage of you, before the space becomes a gulf.
So? 
What did Bargouthian say?
I'm fine. 
Heatstroke.
Not drinking enough water.
That's a relief.
Yes, I'm relieved.
I rang Mathieu.
How'd he react to the bombshell?
I don't know.
I left a message...
Said he could bring someone.
Really?
Is that okay?
It'll have to be.
Men sleeping together, I can imagine.
On missions at sea or in space.
To keep up morale.
Like a good workout.
Handshake and a shower afterwards.
What disturbs me is the idea of men buying furniture together.
It's a wonderful father we've gathered to mourn today.
And a wonderful husband.
He clearly never met him.
Why don't they tell the truth?
It's not the time or place.
On the contrary.
It can't hurt him now.
You know what he told me at our 30th anniversary?
"If you'd killed her instead of marrying her,
"you'd be out, a free man, by now."
Very witty.
Welcome Francois to the place he deserves...
Barnier!
Sorry to interrupt.
See you at the cemetery.
Don't go on my account!
How are you?
And you?
I'm well.
Welcome to the club.
How's retirement suit you?
It's all a little bit new.
And you, what do you do all day
Nothing exciting. 
I read a lot.
Anyway, good to see you, even if the circumstances...
Anne, look who it is!
Do you see people from work?
No.
David, hello.
Nice to see you, Anne. 
How are you?
Fine.
We should invite David for dinner one night.
Yes, of course. 
Why not?
- I'd hate to put Anne out.
- On the contrary.
I'm sure she'd enjoy some relief from my company.
And I'll make my seafood risotto.
Let's pay our respects to Sylvie.
See you soon then!
Unless I'm badly mistaken...
Why did he say that?
Covering himself.
Hello there!
I guessed as much.
What?
Nothing.
Well?
Well what?
The wedding.
Your mother thinks you should bring someone.
I mean Cathie and Philippe.
Is she serious about it?
She's always serious.
The question is for how long.
I don't want a disgruntled son-in-law, so I'm concentrating on my bricks.
What news?
We were thinking we'd get Philippe killed by the mafia.
Dad, I'm just worried about Cathie.
We're all worried about her, darling.
I'm not delighted either, but there you go.
Children don't always take the option we'd like.
Right, I'd better be going.
You just arrived.
There's nothing left to say.
My option's waiting.
Mathieu!
You provoked him again!
I didn't!
I just spoke my mind.
I'm not happy about either son-in-law.
We don't know his friend.
Please!
Don't call him that. 
I hate it.
They don't have tea, they fuck!
You'll have to get used to it.
Not all on the same day.
I'm hunting the pirate who stole the princess.
Here I am!
What's wrong? 
Are you all right?
I'll be fine.
I'm just on edge.
- Sure?
- Yes.
We're getting married.
It's silly, I've no idea why I'm crying.
Yeah...
That's great news.
Yeah.
What about you?
Nothing much.
I was seeing a girl from the bank.
It didn't work out.
Really?
She was a tree-hugger.
Wanted to make compost in my bath.
Soon there'll be no more sea, no more waves or chilly wind...
No more unpleasant cold nip.
He knows it. 
He's made the only choice he had left.
To stop the treatment.
To enjoythe short time he has left to organise his affairs and make up with those who...
Dying's bad enough without having to turn off the stopcock and make up with idiots.
Can't you switch channels?
Okay, goodnight.
Goodnight.
I'm dying.
Shit, I'm dying!
It's you.
Sorry. 
Cathie and Hugo are out.
I'm cleaning up.
- Did she tell you?
- About?
The wedding.
Yeah, congratulations.
I'll come back later.
Coffee's made if you wanna wait.
No, I'll...
Okay, sure.
- You think she's making a mistake?
- It's not my business.
But that's one hell of a long face.
It's tricky.
I mean, from the outside... you're very different.
I'm not good enough?
I didn't say that.
But it's what you think.
Maybe you can't understand.
'"You"?
Gays, you mean?
Take it how you like.
And I'm not...
F-Minus.
I'm C-Minus.
Sorry?
At school.
I got C-Minus.
But if it's any consolation, it might not happen.
She gets so angry at me.
Don't worry, she gets angry with us, too.
Say...
How is it with...
Olivier?
Meaning?
I mean, how is it...
I'm not sure I follow you.
Do you love him?
What is this conversation?
Just a conversation.
I'm interested.
I mean...
Do guys have arguments, too?
Gay couples are exactly the same.
Besides one or two details, see?
You really think I'm stupid.
Shove up, the fluff gets in between the cushions.
My sister'll marry you if she wants to, whatever I say.
We'll have to get on.
I don't have any problems.
It's up to you.
And yes, I love Olivier.
Evening, David.
You hurt yourself?
No, I'll be okay.
- Ice will stop it swelling.
- It's just fine!
I'm in the middle of cooking.
Have a drink in the sitting room.
No, we'll join you in the kitchen.
I think he knows.
He's acting oddly.
He wouldn't have invited me.
Unless he plans to poison us.
It's awful ageing alone.
You need to find someone.
Florence has left you. 
Move on.
After 50, it's not so easy.
Nonsense! 
You look great, happier than with Florence.
Really?
- You're a real chef. 
I'm impressed.
- Thanks.
It depends.
We've had some disasters.
I've rarely tasted a better risotto.
You can come again.
Coffee here or in the lounge?
There's no hurry.
Martin's wife is in hospital.
After all their tests, they don't know what it is.
Shit!
In any case, it doesn't look good.
Shit!
What's wrong?
Cramp. 
I'll walk it off.
Mind the tablecloth!
- See you at the wedding then.
- Sure. 
Definitely.
Weddings in other people's families are never much fun.
When it's your family, it's worse.
- Right...
- See you.
- Goodbye, David.
- Goodbye, Anne.
Your risotto was something else!
You'd never leave me, would you?
Of course not. 
Why do you ask?
Right, washing up!
Hi!
Come on in.
I'd prefer we went for a walk.
You want someone when it suits you.
I only want you.
It's funny.
It took a wedding for me to realise.
- I love you.
- You don't know what love is!
Why d'you say that?
Love means leaving your comfort zone. 
You don't want to.
You've met someone else?
Did you hear a word I said?
It hurts to say it, but we want different things.
See you.
Unless I'm badly mistaken...
Goodnight.
Are you sure you want to marry me?
Why d'you say that?
Yes, I'm sure!
If you weren't sure, would you tell me?
Of course!
Don't feel obliged, now people know.
Philippe, honestly!
Do you love me?
Why are you talking like this?
Like you loved Fabien?
No, actually, I don't.
I was infatuated with Fabien.
Walking on air.
Came down with a bump.
I know you.
I know all your faults, but I'm marrying you for your qualities.
Come here...
I'm not strong and reassuring like you, but don't worry I won't ditch you at the altar.
Sorry, I'm being stupid.
It's nerves.
Wedding nerves.
- My cousin puked in the vestry.
- Really?
She used her bouquet to hide the stain during the ceremony.
Sleep now?
Yeah.
What?
You're strange.
You hate Brittany, your brother drives you up the wall, and all of a sudden...
I'm suffocating, I need a change of scenery.
Charming.
No, I mean...
- Call me when you arrive.
- Of course.
It's a benign cheek tumour.
Unless I'm badly mistaken.
Is that Weber's Pharmacy in St. Germain, please?
Yes, this is Mr Muret.
Yes, hello. 
I'm with friends and we're having a bet.
I said that cortisone cream causes degeneration of skin tissue.
- That's correct.
- See, I was right!
So, for example, it'd be a bad idea to put it on a cancerous tumour.
It's not the usual treatment, no.
Good, I've won. 
Thank you.
Our train is now arriving at Mantes...
What are you doing here?
I was just saying, I forgot my glasses after the risotto.
Would you believe Jean-Paul took charge of Sunday dinner?
Lucky you! 
Mine acts like he's in charge and does nothing.
He'll be disappointed.
I just dropped him in town.
Let's go and look for them.
Goodbye.
This is our home.
You can't just turn up.
Anne, sit down.
I've got something to tell you.
Well...
I'm no spring chicken.
- What?
- Hear me out.
This isn't easy. 
I've been practising for several weeks.
So...
I'm no spring chicken.
At my age, you don't get second chances.
I love you.
I want to live with you, sleep with you, wake up with you.
Let me finish, please.
You make me... very happy.
It's very selfish, I know.
I live on my own.
It's harder for you.
I respect Jean-Paul.
I like him even.
I'll understand if you say no, but if I don't ask, I'll regret it.
So if you say no...
I'll pretend this conversation never happened.
I just hope I'm not messing everything up.
You don't have to give me an answer now.
I don't intend to.
Just think about it.
It'll be hard to think of anything else.
What makes you smile?
Relief.
"On the corner of the street, there's a little hotel.
"On the corner of the street, there's a little hotel.
"Quite magnificent! 
Extraordinary!
"If you want,
"maybe we could take a little look and come back!"
Fabien, I wasn't feeling too good because of my back.
If I misinterpreted it, fine, but you seemed depressed.
Anyway, it was nice having a chat.
I enjoyed it, too.
What's wrong?
I think I'd better be going.
I'm sorry about this.
It doesn't matter.
Jesus! 
What's your problem?
I'm talking to you. 
Grow up!
You gonna speak or just stare with cow eyes?
We had coffee. 
He's my son's father.
I wanted a chat.
I told you to play in your room.
Be nice, Hugo.
You're not my real Daddy!
- Go to your room!
- Wicked witch!
If you think I'll marry a man who treats me like that, think again!
Shit!
Room 106, first floor.
Thank you.
Vincent will show you up.
Knowing him, he probably missed the train.
- He'd have called you.
- What's the big worry?
I don't know.
He's not his usual self.
Calm down.
I'll call you as soon as he arrives.
Okay.
Shit!
Where have you been?
I've been worried sick.
What's that on your head?
- Where?
- You're bleeding!
It's nothing.
The shower.
I stayed in a hotel.
A hotel?
It is entirely possible... without being melodramatic, that I'm going mad.
You've been drinking?
Yes, but only mini-bottles.
I need to sit down.
It's all because...
You were...
Jean-Paul! 
Please, snap out of it.
What were you doing in a hotel?
I was scared of dying.
That's absurd.
Probably.
That's why it's not impossible that I'm going mad.
You're frightening me.
What's that?
Cancer.
But Dr Bargouthian says it's eczema.
Have you got any aspirin?
I think so.
I have a monstrous hangover.
I think it would be a good idea if you went to bed for a bit.
Let's get you upstairs.
No, not the bed.
I don't want to get into that bed.
I prefer the sofa.
You know, it's a real blow to realise you're mad.
But what surprises me most is how painful it is.
The aspirin, please.
He said he's scared of dying.
Don't you ever think of death?
When you wake up at 3 a.m. and can't get back to sleep...
Retirement's when you take stock.
Yes, but it soon goes.
I promise you, he frightens me.
He's curled up on the sofa like a sick dog in its basket.
I'd rather stay with him for now.
Of course.
It's 1 1 o'clock, dear.
Cathie, Hugo and Philippe are coming for the weekend.
Never mind.
I'll sleep in your room.
My room?
Can you bring up the DVD player?
Hello, darling!
Hi, love, how are you?
- Philippe isn't here?
- No, he's not in my bag.
It's just that we have to decide on the menu and seating plan.
It's in six weeks.
Precisely.
A lot can happen in six weeks.
Just a minute!
Yes?
Hello, beautiful.
Mum says you're not feeling well.
Not very.
Do you want to talk?
Not really.
I can't talk to your mother either.
I've wasted my life.
What are you talking about?
You haven't wasted your life.
You've got a lovely house, a loving family.
That's bollocks.
It's not bollocks.
I spent 30 years in a job I didn't care about.
I got packed off into early retirement, my wife doesn't love me... and just when I could enjoy my shitty life,
I get this discoid thing.
This what?
If that's the good life, it's not for me, Cathie.
I'd better go keep the peace.
Don't jump out the window.
Mum's put the geranium out.
Is Grandpa dying?
No, darling, it's just a joke.
He's never been like this.
- I don't know what to do.
- Take him to a shrink.
He won't even go back to see Bargouthian.
Just do it.
Ask Bargouthian to recommend someone and just take him.
That's it, as easy as that.
Where are you going, buster?
I wanna watch Kirikou with Grandpa.
Don't ask if he's dying.
Can't do anything round here.
If the wedding goes ahead and he's like this...
What do you mean, if it goes ahead?
No, I mean, if he's like this at the wedding...
You have to press Play.
Are you sad, Grandpa?
Yes, sunshine, I'm sad.
Is it because you're dying?
Yes, it is.
I need a poo.
Andre with Jacqueline? 
Sure?
Bores together, so they don't ruin it for anyone else.
We have to choose the flowers, too.
What's going on?
- I've got something to tell you.
- What?
Well, over the last six months, how can I put it, I've been seeing someone.
I know.
Why bring this up now?
You don't know. 
It's a man.
Who isn't your father.
I know. 
It's Barnier, who used to work with Dad.
How do you know?
You said you'd bumped into him, the way you talked about him...
I'd have to be blind as shit.
You think your father knows?
Mum, it's none of my business.
I don't want to discuss this.
David has asked me to live with him.
This conversation pisses me off!
Having no one to talk to, not even you, pisses me off!
You can't leave Dad.
Not at the moment, with him like this.
I'm not planning to leave your father.
I just needed you to know.
Let's get you to bed.
You'll have a nice big sleep.
There you go!
Can I have a glass of water, Mummy?
Of course.
Get under the quilt, I'll fetch one.
I'll be right back.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have done that.
Running off.
It was stupid.
As we speak, who you have coffee with is no business of mine.
I should've said.
Sure, but I'd have been jealous anyway.
Look...
I'm not blaming you.
You know...
You said that...
You can't marry me if I'm like that.
I was furious.
But you were right.
You can't marry a guy who treats you like that.
Philippe...
I've been thinking.
You shouldn't be marrying me.
I'm not the right guy for you.
I'm just not.
Your brother doesn't like me.
Your folks don't.
We don't like the same music or the same films.
Sure, we get along and I like the kid, but in 2 years' time, in 3 years' time... where will that get us?
This is ridiculous, Philippe.
It's the truth.
You don't really love me, do you?
Go on...
Say "I love you".
You see?
I love you, though.
That's the whole problem.
I need to sleep.
I'll take the sofa.
It's only 8 o'clock.
I haven't slept for 3 days.
What do you want?
To say sorry.
For making you leave me.
For...
I had a crap evening with a jerk in a bar, but it made me open my eyes.
You're pissed.
No.
I was, but I'm not now.
Honestly, Olivier, I'm serious.
I want you at the wedding.
It's 2 a.m. I've got work in the morning,
I'm going back to bed.
Do the same.
You're with someone, aren't you?
Spare me the bimbo act!
- I miss you.
- Christ!
You reek of vomit.
- Not mine, the jerk's.
- Goodnight.
Why don't you ever answer?
I'm lost. 
I need to talk to you.
I can't tell him I love him.
God knows why...
I don't care what the family thinks.
Why can't I do it?
Maybe he's right and it's better if we don't get married.
I'll call you back.
I've cut my finger.
Call me back, for fuck's sake!
Deep down, I know it's eczema.
But something in my head overpowers it.
It's odd, I think I'd be happier in a psychiatric hospital.
Being taken care of.
It's not that bad, Mr Muret.
No, but I could pretend.
Go shopping naked, burn the neighbour's car...
It doesn't work that way.
I need someone to sponsor me?
No.
But you're not insane, Mr Muret.
Isn't faking insanity a sign of insanity?
Good question.
We'll talk about it next week.
If you have a panic attack, take this.
Fine.
If it was on my toe or my finger, there'd be a solution.
But there...
Goodbye, Miss.
There's some left!
They can finish it at the hospital.
Emergency services.
The chisel...
I need to get the chisel.
For Anne.
I didn't catch that...
Relax, sir.
Breathe deeply and speak calmly.
I can't hear you, sir.
Go ahead.
How can I help you, sir?
I... amputated my hip with a chisel.
There's a lot of blood.
I'm bleeding..
Where are you, sir?
I don't know.
There are big fish, like in Portugal.
It's my punishment.
What happened?
They killed him with the carving knife.
- Where is he?
- I don't know.
They took his corpse away in Tupperwares.
I'm not much of a handyman, eh?
What's going on?
Sorry about the message.
I was beside myself.
Your father had an accident.
With a chisel.
I'm afraid I made rather a mess.
You panicked, that's all.
I thought he'd been hacked up!
Are you okay?
A little sore, but okay.
I'm lost.
Who's the guy outside?
He said Dad walked in on burglars.
Yes, that's what we thought.
Is he still there?
He was heading off.
I'll see if I can catch him.
He used to work with your Dad.
Don't worry, it wasn't an accident.
I have cancer.
Sorry?
Or at least I did.
Cancer?
I decided on a little homemade surgery.
With a chisel?
No, scissors. 
I'm not crazy.
The chisel's a cover story for your mother.
I didn't get it all first go.
It was dangling.
I couldn't finish it.
Probably best not to tell your mother.
Okay, sure.
- So how are you?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
I've been having a spot of bother recently.
Cathie mentioned it.
It's all under control now.
If you don't mind, I'll have a little nap.
It's been a tiring day.
It's my fault. 
He called for help and I passed the buck to Mum.
He went a bit loopy the other day, but nobody died.
Cut it out!
Can't you give up spouting platitudes?
I'm sick of hearing
"As we speak" and "Tell me about it"!
Have you got shit for brains?
Now you're overstepping the mark.
You're a bit harsh.
I'm sorry.
- It's not what I meant to say.
- But you said it.
Mathieu!
I just caught him.
Do you remember David Barnier?
- It was him?
- Him what?
Nothing. 
I've heard the name.
What's going on? 
Dad has cancer?
Not according to Bargouthian.
I should've said.
Your father's having a hard time.
It's catching.
Why d'you saythat?
The wedding being off and everything.
What do you mean, it's off?
You didn't know? 
I could be wrong.
Cathie left a message.
Maybe I misunderstood.
That's one less thing to worry about.
Is Grandpa dead?
No, he's not dead.
I told you so.
Yes.
He's a bit out of it.
Maybe we shouldn't all go in.
- He's in room 340.
- Okay, thanks.
Hugo, let's go and play, then we'll give Grandpa a kiss.
- I'm really sorry.
- Don't be.
Don't think we don't like you.
It's just that...
I'm sure you'll find a nice girl, who'll make you very happy.
He must have fallen onto his chisel.
That's a relief.
- He was so down, I thought...
- No.
You can be a pain, but we need you.
You know we do.
Mathieu told me about the wedding.
Being off.
It's not that simple.
Don't worry just because everything's arranged.
Don't get married just to save the deposit.
What counts is your happiness.
If it makes you feel better,
I confess your father and I always had our doubts.
Philippe's a decent man, but he's not the brightest bulb.
Dad and I love you very much, Catherine.
I'll be back.
What did you tell her?
- Hugo can't come in.
- What?
There's blood everywhere.
Come on! 
We're going camping in Grandpa's den.
'Night, Mum!
Goodnight, darling.
You told Dad the wedding's off?
We don't know for sure yet, Mum.
We understand your misgivings, but it's time to decide.
It'll be embarrassing enough telling people and even worse at the last minute.
I don't know, Mum.
What else can I say?
Things are difficult right now.
Do you want to be with him or not?
Will you ever work out what you want?
I don't want to end up screwing his colleagues!
I refuse to be lectured by a divorced single mother!
Can't you just take five?
Haven't we had enough for today?
There's a guy outside, babysitting, because he's mad about you and Hugo, despite Mum and Dad thinking he's an idiot.
Jesus! 
You've changed your tune.
I never said that!
Dad wasn't doing DIY, he chopped himself up with scissors.
If you think it'll blow over, you're very wrong.
If we don't help him, one day he'll stick his head in the oven and we'll regret pretending it was all okay.
Of course, nothing to eat.
There's some custard left.
Isn't that a comfy wheelbarrow!
Sleep well, angel.
It was him or the wheelie bin.
I chose the bin.
It's not Fabien's fault, I know.
The problem is...
Fabien's my daddy.
It's time to sleep, okay?
Sleep.
The problem is, she doesn't love me.
I can see she's trying hard.
That makes it even worse.
Your mother's happy, though.
Said I'd find a nice girl one day.
Hang on in there.
It's not over.
Thanks, that's cool.
What about you?
What?
Who messed up? 
You or him?
Me.
Too scared to sacrifice my precious freedom.
When you're in love, it's...
It's not a sacrifice.
It's a choice.
Dinner!
Yeah.
The real pain... is that I love her.
She's hard work, but she's got to me.
Go on, I'll stay with Hugo, so you can have a family dinner.
- You're sure?
- Yeah.
You're a funny guy.
You're...
Not as dumb as I look?
- That's not what I meant.
- I hope it is.
My 1st compliment from your family.
- Well?
- I haven't seen it yet.
Christ!
Good work!
You're gifted for an amateur.
I'm touched.
But that's not the question.
I left a bit.
They didn't stitch it back on?
No, all gone.
Whatever you decide, I'll say yes.
Come here...
Come on.
I've been so horrible to you.
Yes, you have.
But I still love you.
It's okay, everything's okay.
Everything's okay, angel.
Hold me tight.
I love you.
It's all right, forget it.
Don't force yourself.
I'm saying it because I mean it.
I won't say anything for a moment, I might mess it all up.
Philippe...
Will you marry me?
No kidding?
Answer me.
Will you marry me?
Yeah, obviously.
Of course I'll marry you.
Are you absolutely sure?
I said yes.
I know, but the other day you didn't want to.
I do.
- Do you want to?
- Yes, I do.
- So, there's no problem.
- No.
You really do want to get married?
If you promise to stop asking.
Okay, I promise.
Mum's going to freak out.
Tell me about it!
Sorry. 
I meant, I suppose she will.
As we speak, I don't care.
Dear, I'm going to Dalloyau's with Cathie.
- Do you need anything?
- No.
You could pick up my chisel.
I sent it to get sharpened!
That's not funny.
It's the wine and pills.
You're sure you're okay?
I rang Philippe.
I apologised, said we'd learn to get along and all that.
He was very good about it, perspicacious in fact.
Said I'm probably the sanest in the family.
It's good to see you laugh.
I haven't seen you laugh in ages.
See you later.
What about Olivier?
I've left him 40 messages.
His sister said he's in Greece.
We can track him down, post his photo on Internet.
They caught a paedophile that way.
Your 1st idiotic remark in ages!
- It was just an example.
- Sorry.
- We'll see.
- Come in, it's open.
It's in the lap of the Greek gods.
They used to be gay-friendly.
- Hello.
- Hi, Mum.
Hi, Mum.
- Ready 
- Yep.
How's Dad?
Better.
Much better.
Shall we go?
We're not out of the woods.
Why do you say coming here annoys you?
I have my studio to finish and I feel much better.
I get the impression, if I said
I ate my wife last night, you'd ask, "With gravy?"
Has the idea ever occurred to you?
In your opinion?
I've no opinion.
That's why this annoys me, too.
My problem's solved.
Which one?
What do you mean?
What makes you think it's solved?
A kind of Buddhist detachment and the pills.
How do you define Buddhist detachment?
Letting your daughter marry a jerk.
When is it?
- What?
- The wedding.
Saturday.
Right...
I look forward to next week.
Vegetable charlotte or scallops in pastry?
Do we have to decide right now?
Yes, we have to.
Scallops in pastry.
I'll bring the main courses.
So we shall finally get to meet...
Mathieu's friend?
His boyfriend, Mum.
I can't, Catherine.
Call him Olivier then.
You've met him?
You mean, will Dad put up with him?
No, I mean, is he nice?
It's hard to say. 
With his blond wig and leather shorts.
- What are you talking about?
- Of course he's nice.
Relax, he's run off to Greece.
What a shame.
That's so mean.
You're son's heartbroken and you're happy?
Not at all.
Honestly, I'd be delighted if he came.
- Really?
- Really.
Olivier's mobile.
Talk after the beep.
Hello, Olivier, this is Mathieu's Mum.
I wanted to tell you that his Dad and I would be very happy to see you at Cathie's wedding.
As would Mathieu, of course.
We'll be expecting you.
Lots of love...
Hi, Dad!
Hi, how are you?
You try, I can't do it.
What happened to your hair?
Thanks. 
I like it like this.
That's the main thing.
Your Mum's not with you?
No, she had a few more things to buy.
Is your den finished, Grandpa?
Yeah.
She won't be long.
Great tomb!
Save me a spot, won't you?
How's life?
A few billion years and all that will be a carousel of rocks circling each other.
No trace of our existence.
Nobody to see there's no trace.
Nothing but space.
Music, science, books...
All gone.
We should go in, Dad.
I'm not sure if it's scary or a relief. 
It all being wiped out.
You, me...
Mozart, Hitler...
Your mother...
What time is it?
20 past 2.
Go back to bed now.
I put a window in.
Huge improvement.
The marquee's flooded!
Do what you think is best.
I'll leave it to you.
What if it keeps raining?
We'll have a wet t-shirt competition!
It'll be a disaster. 
A humiliation!
Mum, stop it, please!
Hello!
You're early. 
That's great.
4 hours 12 minutes, door to door.
No traffic.
Fidelio!
We had to bring him.
Our dog-sitter has a fibroma.
Really?
He'll be fine in the garden.
- Say hello to Sarah.
- No.
You made good time.
- No traffic.
- 4 hours 12, door to door.
My brother hard at it?
Shit, already?
No, he's resting.
The older ones didn't come?
The teens?
They came to the first wedding, remember.
How old are you?
Hiding in the toilet!
They're early!
Shit!
What's going on?
The loo's overflowing.
Your father'll do it.
He loves toilets!
No!
Move your arse!
There's a wedding today in case you didn't know.
Your breakdown's boring.
Is this a bad time?
It was open.
I'm sorry, it's the stress.
- I'll make you coffee.
- Not now, Mum!
Turn the stopcock off.
The loo's overflowing.
Sorry. 
Hello, darling.
It's okay, I'll take care of it.
- You take your suitcase.
- Thanks.
We're all settled in.
My brother-in-law and wife.
- Alain. 
Pleased to meet you.
- Me too. 
Philippe...
Lucie.
So, what can we do to help?
- Nothing.
- Actually...
Taking the dog out would be good.
Picking up the flowers by the station even better.
- Consider it done.
- Most kind.
Fidelio, get down!
I really can't go to the wedding.
I can't hear a word you're saying.
And some of us have no time to chat.
Sorry!
We're all good!
I'm dying.
Look who it is!
How long is it since we've seen this young man?
An eternity, at least.
Hello, Auntie.
Mum, too many flowers!
One's daughter doesn't get married every day.
And you, handsome?
You came alone after all?
Olivier's in Greece.
I'm sorry, darling.
It's the best time to go.
Who's Olivier?
Let's get to work.
Are they all in water?
Olivier's my boyfriend.
We're homosexuals, Auntie.
The flush is mended.
It's fine now.
Thank you, I'm coming.
Maybe I was a touch too direct.
I need to talk to you.
No rest for the wicked.
What's wrong?
The cancer. 
It's back.
Red spots all over, nodules.
I'm covered in them.
Have you talked to Mum?
I think I'm getting on her nerves.
I need to sit down somewhere quiet.
On my own.
I'm frightened, Mathieu.
Very frightened.
Look, I'll have a word with Mum.
Tell her you need peace and quiet, okay?
All right?
I really can't come to the wedding.
That's not an option.
As father of the bride.
I could go to a hotel, but I had a bad experience recently.
I can't take the car, your mother needs it later.
So I need you.
Drop me on the edge of the forest.
Then I'll take the bridal paths.
That way, I won't meet anyone.
Put my big waterproof and a thermos of coffee in your car.
Some biscuits would be good, too.
Biscuits?
Something plain. 
Digestives.
Nothing chocolatey.
Go downstairs and mingle.
Nobody must get wind of this.
Right.
Thanks.
I feel much better.
These are our witnesses.
You know Sophie.
- Hello, Anne.
- Hello, Sophie.
And Philippe's best man, Titof.
Hello. 
The guys all came to give the boss a surprise.
Rodrigue...
Vince...
Jean-Paul, Marc...
Benoit...
Kai... and Diego!
- What time do we set off?
- 2 o'clock.
He doesn't like crowds.
We'll take him out.
You don't need me?
No. 
Off you go.
We haven't spotted the away team.
No chance of that.
Philippe doesn't see his Dad, his brother's in jail, his Mum's dead.
What does Jean-Paul have to say
He thinks he's not quite like us.
But I'm beginning to wonder if it's a good thing to be like us.
He won't come.
He won't help me.
He wants to go hiking with a supply of biscuits.
The wedding's at 3.
Can you drop by?
No panic. 
I'll see him on Monday.
Tell him to double the dose of pills, but keep an eye on him.
Thanks, Doctor.
Shit!
He walks straight over, headbutt, forearm smash, and he's KO.
Dad's gone missing.
He may be in the forest.
Search party, boss?
I'm going to look for him.
Don't tell Cathie.
Standby.
Dad!
Fuck!
It's your brother.
What the hell?
It's your brother.
- See? 
I was right.
- Shit.
Jean-Paul, are you okay?
I'm fine.
Myfoot got snagged.
I tripped when I was walking.
I twisted my ankle, but it's okay.
We can drive you home.
No, walking's better for my ankle.
No, you need to put ice on it.
I'll get the car.
Come on.
I'm all right.
Don't be silly.
Can't you butt out for once?
You turn my brother into a vegetable, now you start on us?
Leave me alone!
He's mad!
Did you hear that?
No, with the wind...
Mrs Muret?
Can't you try calling me Anne?
Sure, thanks. 
I'll try.
I'll see you later.
Your husband's gone missing.
What are you talking about?
He's back.
I'm sorry. 
Everything's fine.
The jogger in the cap, isn't that him?
Sorryfor this morning.
- What for?
- Not listening.
You had a lot on.
How are you feeling?
Better. 
Much better.
Your wrist. 
You're bleeding.
I must have caught it on the barbed wire.
It looks like a bite.
- It wasn't that damn dog?
- No, don't worry.
I've not been a terribly good husband.
Don't be silly, I haven't always been very attentive or considerate.
I'm too uptight. 
Too stiff.
Always have been. 
I see that now.
I love you.
You won't have to worry about me now.
What do you mean?
I feel much lighter.
Detached.
Good.
I'll go down now.
Yes.
Where's Mathieu?
Have you seen Mathieu?
- Mathieu, this is Philippe.
- I can't hear you.
Can you hear me now?
Fooled you. 
Leave a message.
Your father's come back.
I'm sorry but...
We'll see you there. 
Bye.
My daughter...
My lovely, lovely daughter...
What's up, Daddy?
Come on, in the car...
Mathieu's here.
Is the boy next to him his husband?
No, one of Philippe's employees.
Nothing wrong with homosexuality.
As long as one's careful about hygiene.
Miss Catherine Muret, will you take to be your wedded husband
Mr Philippe Faure?
I will.
Mr Philippe Faure, will you take to be your wedded wife
Miss Catherine Muret?
I will.
Having given your mutual consent, in my position as Registrar,
I solemnly declare you to be joined in matrimony.
It's not quite over. 
Please sign the registry with your witnesses.
- How are you, Dad?
- In excellent form.
- How many?
- How many what?
Pills.
A good handful.
That way, we'll be okay.
Jesus!
I'd like to meet your boyfriend.
Is that the right word?
He isn't here.
What's that?
You're bleeding.
That's odd.
What's going on?
Your daughter's married.
Good.
That's that done.
I don't make a speech?
No, just a toast to Cathie and Philippe.
- And I sit down.
- Great.
What are you doing on your own?
Playing hide-and-seek with Sarah.
But I don't like her and it's her turn to hide.
If I don't look for her, she won't bother me.
A kiss!
Sorry, excuse me.
Why did you invite him?
Who?
Shit.
I completely forgot.
Your father invited him, not me.
When he came to dinner.
You came.
Well now...
We're all here.
That's my father.
Let's go and see the ducks.
And my mother...
Okay, let's do it.
You must be Olivier.
Yes. 
Hello there.
I'm Mathieu's mother.
It's a real pleasure to meet you.
For me, too.
This is for you.
Thank you.
Olivier! 
Marvellous!
You came! 
That's so cool!
Not that!
You think this is funny?
Your first car!
What do I look like!
And now... the father of the bride.
To Cathie, my wonderful daughter... and her husband, Philippe.
I suppose some of you may know
I've been under the weather recently.
Disaster strikes.
We look forward to retiring and having the time at last to enjoy life.
Time to travel, time to read all those books on bridges and viaducts we get every Christmas.
Shortly after I retired,
I discovered, just above my hip, a small tumour.
I realised that the path we're on always leads to death.
Welcome to the family, my love.
We bury our heads in the sand.
We take it all for granted.
Trees, people, cakes...
One day, we see they'll be taken away.
We realise too late.
Cathie, my little girl...
Nothing and nobody is immortal.
Don't ever forget it.
Don't miss out on anything.
I'll smash his face in!
You rotten old shit!
He stared at me.
I saw his scrawny arse going up and down between her...
Stop it, Dad, be quiet!
Can you take him to his room?
Sorry, Mr Barnier.
We're very sorry.
I wondered whether to come.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have done it.
I'm the one who did something I shouldn't have.
I was in a kind of fog.
I forgot about everybody else.
How long have you known?
The day I was meant to go to Brittany.
I came home and saw you here...
On the bed.
I shouldn't have kept it to myself.
I'm sorry.
You have no idea how sorry I am.
Where are you going?
I apologise.
I don't know what came over me.
It's okay, Mr Muret.
Sorry, I ruined your wedding.
You didn't ruin anything, Dad.
Look, everyone's forgotten.
I very much doubt that.
I won't leave you.
And I won't ask you to leave.
Unless you want to.
No.
Anyway, it'd be absurd.
Divorce is charming when you're young. 
At our age, it's ridiculous.
It was well hidden, but I found one.
My hero!
- Seen you!
- Busted!
I knew it!
I thought you'd left.
Without saying goodbye?
Did you boff her?
Tell me the truth!
We just went for a stroll.
You little tease, prowling around the garden.
- One for the road?
- No way!
Are you crazy?
Have fun!
Come on, baby!
Coming.
See you, you terror.
Let's get in the car.
- See you.
- Drive safely.
See you, lovebirds.
Bye, Daddy.
- The marquee's done.
- Thank you.
I put a Chablis in the fridge.
We've never been to Bruges.
It's not far.
True, it's a shame.
The salmon was just right yesterday.
Yes.
Often, it's too dry.
Subtitles: 
Simon John
Processed by C.M.C 
- Paris

How much further?
Wait. 
Wait. 
No.
- Okay, you ready?
- Yes, I'm ready.
What do you think?
What? 
You don't like it?
No. 
It's a junkyard, Cade.
Yeah, but it's an investment.
You didn't sign anything, did you?
Yeah, and I got it for a steal.
- Take me home.
- I can't.
What do you mean, you can't?
I let go of our lease.
No. 
Call them.
Tell them we want it back.
They've already rented our place, and this place is ours now.
You spent our wedding money?
In a couple of years, they're gonna build a freeway just two blocks from here.
It took us over an hour to get here.
You're not gonna want to drive this every day.
I quit my job.
I want to start a business here.
Come on. 
Please.
Just let me show you the lot.
Let me just show you where I want to build our dream home.
You see all this?
It's all ours.
10 acres.
Over there, that's where I want to build our dream house.
During the day I'm gonna fix people's cars, and at night I'll design the house.
You're gonna fix people's cars?
Yeah. 
I'm an engineer.
How hard can it be?
Right?
Hey, have I ever let you down?
No.
Hey, come on.
Give it a chance.
It's only temporary.
Let me check in with the movers.
Hey, they're gonna be here soon with all of our stuff, okay?
Okay.
Cade?
What do you mean, you can't find our stuff?
Hello?
Shit.
- Cade!
- Damn.
You scared me.
What the hell are you doing up here?
I was just talking to the movers.
And they said?
That all of our stuff will be here next week.
Next week?
Yeah, next week.
Oh, baby.
Oh, God!
What the hell was that noise?
What?
Go check it out.
It's just coyotes.
What's sad is when that freeway comes through here, those animals are gonna lose their homes.
But we'll be sitting on a gold mine.
Look at these two.
Give 'em half the chance, they'll fill my--
...fill my place up with a bunch of fuckin' bastard rat kids.
They fuck like rabbits.
- Cade, Cade, wake up!
- What the hell are you doing?
- There's something under this bed.
- What?
There's something under this bed, this trailer.
I don't know.
There's something down there.
It's just a bunch of old junk.
Please go out there and check it out.
All right.
Looks like it's just a cat.
What is it?
Nothing.
- Jess!
- Cade!
The trailer shifted.
My arm's pinned.
What should I do?
Should I call the paramedics?
- What do you need?
- No. 
You won't be able to get a signal.
If you could help me lift, we might be able to get it out.
Okay.
- Oh, shit.
- I can't make it move.
Get the jack out of the car.
Get the jack for the car.
- Where are the keys?
- I don't know.
Oh, God!
Jess! 
Hurry!
Hurry.
Oh, my God!
Yeah.
No, the other way.
Crank it.
Thanks.
What did the doctor say?
He said I might need an operation, but it's too early to say.
Cade, I know this isn't the best time to bring it up...
There's something really wrong with that place.
You want me to sell the place and get my old job back, don't you?
They're not gonna take me back with my arm like this.
All right. 
I'll call the real estate agent tomorrow.
No. 
You don't have to.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm sure.
You know, you mean the world to me.
If it wasn't for you and what you've done for me,
God knows where I'd be right now.
We don't have $2,500.
And that's not the price we agreed on.
Deliver our stuff.
It's just a bunch of old junk.
You must be Jess.
- Martin.
- Cade.
Honey, this is Martin, the Realtor that sold us this place.
I hurt it out back.
That's too bad.
You want to come inside for a drink?
You know, I...
I just came by to see how you guys were doing.
You sure?
It'll just take a minute.
- I'm late for an appointment already.
- Okay.
- Nice meeting you, Jess.
- Yeah.
Happy little... little fucking couple.
Need architects, electricians, framers, plumbers, you know... whatever it takes to build a new house.
What? 
You're breaking up.
No use for this anymore.
I can see you're feeling better.
Yeah.
That sounds good.
Yeah, send 'em out.
I'll talk to you later.
Cade?
Cade!
Cade?
Cade?
Hey, baby.
How long have you been here working?
Ten minutes. 
Why?
You okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm okay.
You found my phone.
Must've dropped it.
Stupid arm, you know?
- Are you okay?
- I said I'm fine.
I'm gonna-- I'm gonna go take a nap.
Yeah. 
Okay.
Yeah. 
I'm tired.
Jess?
How do you know they're gone?
Well, when I looked over the fence, their car was gone.
You better be right.
Yeah, those folks from the city always have nice stuff.
Go wake up your little brother.
Cade!
Cade!
Jess?
Cade!
Cade!
Jess?
Jess?
Unlock the door.
Jess?
Jess?
Cade.
What happened to your...
They're gone.
Oh, my God.
He wants you to kill...
He what?
Who wants?
He wants you to kill anyone that comes on the property, or... or he'll kill me.
You'd better f--
You'd better fucking do it.
Who in the hell are these two retards?
Peek-a-boo!
Peek-a-boo!
Peek-a-boo!
You fuckin' idiot!
Grab anything of value.
I was.
And do it before these people get home!
Don't listen to him.
Maybe this'll change your mind.
Stop it!
Stop it!
You guys, be quiet.
You let her go.
Let who go?
Why don't you put that down?
He's crazy.
Shoot his ass!
Shut up.
Seriously, boy, put the sword down.
Guys, let's go.
You shot him good, didn't you?
Goodness!
We oughta go.
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
He doesn't know?
He doesn't know?
No. 
Completely unaware of it.
Does the guy, like, read newspapers or what?
He's not from around here.
He moved here after all that went down.
Teresa's gonna be so pissed.
Who's gonna be pissed?
Teresa.
She's always pissed about something.
Yeah, but you sold the one property we were told to stay away from.
So what?
It just so happens that you sold the one property--
That Teresa's sister was killed at.
What, did she think nobody was ever gonna buy it?
Come on.
You know, once that freeway goes in over there, everybody's gonna be buying property.
She'll get over it.
It's just business.
Hello?
Mr. McBride!
Oh, my God!
Mr. McBride?
I'm from TCR, the architecture firm.
Where the fuck are they?
Son of a bitch!
Cade?
That was stupid!
I didn't see a goddamn thing!
I need to see the kill.
That's the whole goddamn point!
Cade, you killed someone?
No.
Jesus Christ.
Get over it, bitch.
Tell him to put everyone in the room with the cameras so I can see everything this time, bitch.
Tell him.
Tell him what to do.
He wants you to take them all to the room with the cameras.
He wants you to wear a part of her  like other killers do.
I think that was their sign.
She said Cade was gonna fix cars.
Why would she let him talk her into moving all the way out here?
Because they're stupid.
You're so rude sometimes.
Come on.
He quits his job, he moves way the hell out here.
He's stupid.
And she's stupid for following him.
Just because you're not friends with Cade anymore doesn't mean I have to stop being friends with Jessie.
That's the way it's gonna be, huh?
You know, your boy already killed somebody.
He's already...
He's already a murderer.
Like your new hands and feet?
Well, they ain't yours, exactly.
Your boy, he's got your hands and feet.
Sleeps with 'em.
Touch a nerve?
Curls up with 'em like a little teddy bear.
Sorry about that.
These nanners get me every time.
Well, now that that's done... on to the next agenda.
Now, you get ready.
We're gonna be putting on the show of shows.
Here. 
This is what I'm thinking.
Motor Man's Death Show.
Nah?
I didn't think so, either.
All right, how about this?
Motor Man's Torture Show.
It's gonna be--
Oh, man.
I know how you feel.
I can smell that one, too.
Hey, guys? 
Jessie?
Jessie?
Wow.
The place is a fuckin' dump!
Jessie?
Cade?
I'm gonna make me some popcorn for this.
Jessie?
Cade?
Ella?
Ella!
Ella! 
Ella!
What are you doing?
Cade, no.
Put it down.
Cade, we can figure this out.
Kinda scrawny.
You ain't nothin' like my first one.
Now, he...
He was wonderful.
You ain't wonderful.
What good is a medical license when you do fine work like this?
How long's she been missing?
She was last seen on the 23rd.
What was she doing on the property?
She's an architect.
She was going to meet the new owners.
Somebody bought that place?
From what I understand.
I bet that drill's hot.
I bet that burns, bitchy.
I bet that burns.
He's getting better.
Mr. McBride?
Detective Clark and Murray.
We'd like to ask you a few questions.
Someone's here.
Why don't you go around that fence?
I'm gonna go right through here.
Who's there?
Mr. McBride?
I just got a couple of questions I want to ask you.
This is gonna be good.
This is gonna be real good.
He's good.
This little bastard's good.
Hello?
This is Detective Murray from the Phoenix Police Department.
Miss?
Clark?
I'm in here.
Clark!
Shit!
Jesus!
Where's your gun?
He...
He must've took it.
Okay, could you call for back-up?
Yeah. 
I'll call.
Shit!
What a fuckin' idiot.
I know you're in there, buddy.
I won't think twice about blowing your fucking head off.
Shit!
Go for the gun.
Oh, no. 
Wait.
Don't go for the gun.
I told you not to go for the gun, jackass.
Jackass.
Fuck, fuck.
Shit!
What the hell'd you do that for?
And the property owners are fine with it?
They're perfectly fine with this.
All right, already.
I didn't tell 'em.
You know what?
We are going out there, and we are gonna tell them.
Can I go with?
I can go Thursday.
You're talking now?
Yeah.
So this is the place.
Well, what do we have here?
A little thin for my tastes, but they'll do.
Look at the pooper on that one.
Looks like they're not home.
Then we'll wait for 'em.
It's not a good idea to be wandering around here.
We should stay out here until they get back.
Oh, I wish I was in the land of cotton
Good times there are not forgotten
Look away...
Dixieland
I wish I were in Dixie
Hooray
Hooray
I'm gonna go wait in the car until they get back.
"Bodies of the victims
"were then stored in a small room to the north of the property."
That's right.
We were in all the papers.
We were all famous.
Wow.
Where's my car?
- Someone took my car!
- What?
- Where I left it, it's not...
- Will you relax?
Just calm down.
Maybe the owners moved it.
What?
Did you leave the keys in the ignition?
What?
What are you looking at?
- Where's Karen?
- She's off somewhere. 
I...
I told you there's no reception out here.
What are you looking for?
- Where are you going?
- Will you be quiet?
Okay.
What the hell was that?
Martin! 
Martin!
I'm leaving.
What? 
We can't leave without Karen.
Yeah, we can.
What?
Shit.
Karen?
I think he's on to us, kids.
He ain't stupid.
I'll give him that.
What are you doing?
Who are you?
What are you-- What are you doing?
Good boy.
This bitch has got balls of stone.
There's no way you can pull that bolt out.
Un-fuckin'-believable!
Fuck me.
Where the hell is she?
There she is!
What... 
Karen!
Can't believe this one grew some nuts.
That skinny little bitch turned sideways and disappeared.
There he is.
What the hell?
You know I don't like it when I can't see you!
What the fuck you looking at?
Why don't you go the fuck over there and do your goddamn job, you skinny pantywaist fuck-stick!
Kinda makes me wish I had the big, lumbering retard from last time, doesn't it?
What in the hell are you doing?
You little fuckin' prick  bastard!
That's it.
That's fucking it.
I am so fucking done with you.
I ain't letting go this time, bitch.
Cade!
Cade!
We're gonna find Teresa, and we're gonna get the hell out of here, okay?
Where's my camera?
I'll find your camera.
We got to lock the car.
You got to remember to lock the car.
I'm gonna get you out of here.
Get my camera.
Did you get my camera?
Cade.
Get away from the girl!
Get your ass away from the girl now!
Now!
Oh, I wish I was in Dixie
Hooray, hooray
I'll make my stand for Dixieland
Oh, somethin' somethin', Dixie

Where are we?
I don't know
Can't see anything.
Radio doesn't either work.
I said it looks familiar but, I...
I never been inside the cloud before.
What's the last sight you saw?
Same was what I didn't see it.
Spend like this all night, as long freaking fog vague in history.
It's kinda that long
Moving past than we are...
what are you doing like? 
Two?
You know, I have listened to you snored for like an hour.
Now, you give me grieve.
You wanna drive?
No, no, no...
Believe me, if there'd a crippled old lady passed in her son's handicapped scooter, when you ride with her...
I bet she must go faster than us.
Jesus Christ!
Shit!
Holy shit!
That is not a way the fog to leave.
He could kill somebody.
I think we are up on the sidewalk.
Oh, man.
Oh, crap.
You get out, give it some push.
I can't see anything.
Welcome to my world.
There is somebody out there.
Then ask direction. 
Jesus Christ!
Gibbs, you're like a little girl.
C'mon!
You're like a girl
God damn it.
Push.
Push.
Ok! 
Try to get the other way!
Excuse me. 
Excuse me! 
Excuse me! 
Hey!
That was fucked up!
Hooke, what are you doing?
They are going somewhere.
I wanna find out where we are.
Wait, Hold up! 
You know what, I will grab the bags. 
Hooke!
Hey, you ever see the movie while pirates traveling around in the fog?
Can't believe you watch that crap.
It was the mother fucked protect you up!
It is shit.
There're zombies with swords!
They jump out the fog and they stab on your face and they...
And the parrot goes through your eyes, and is like David Jones' lock in the puzzle.
Oh! 
It's amazing.
It's like cinema. 
You know, just moves you. 
God, it's great!
That's your education really paid off.
Your parent muse be very proud of you. 
Gibbs.
It's really good movie.
Sure.
Zombies with swords.
Ten for it.
What do you think?
I don't know.
Something doesn't feel right.
But I don't think we have a choice.
Well you know, beast would shit out and wander around in the fog.
All right, let's give it a shot!
We were crashed to the far clears!
I don't think we could find a wine and the soup.
But if it's a hot little maid, Gibbs calls dips.
Yeah! 
Ok, this is uh...
I don't really know what it is.
Just glad I'm not an animal.
What the hell is this place!
Mercy.
This town.
Mercy.
Well, we didn't see any sign so...
We...have a game tomorrow, we're playing a festival.
Yap, if we could get out of this fog.
Oh, yeah! 
The fog.
I take the chance.
Feels one room for the night.
Rooms. 
Rooms if you have any.
Sure. 
We just happened to have couple of rooms.
Ya, it's a shock.
If you sign the book.
Here you go. 
Boys! 
Eleven, twelve.
Excuse me.
I need you both to sign the book.
Okay.
Let me give you a credit card for this.
That's all right.
We will take care that charge later.
Okay
Uh, is it too late to get something eat?
Yeah.
Sorry.
I wasn't hungry anyway.
Hey, that fucker looks like in the fog.
It's gotta cute.
Let's go, brother.
Yap, your eleven.
Hooke.
Ok. 
We need it some locked.
Man. 
You are pathetic.
What! 
It's wide open.
Anybody could be hidding in here.
Gibbs, you get a room with a view.
Sweet.
Maybe you could call out for that hot little maid.
Hey, Hooke.
You want me to go with you?
Check your room out.
If I see anything spooky, I'll scream.
It's night light there, if you need it.
Good night, buddy.
Sure, you got that secured room.
It's very funny, man.
Really mature.
That's classic.
Do I know you?
Remember me.
I know you?
What?
It's me. 
You told me to wake you up at six am.
Hold on.
Good morning.
Morning
Look like you are in the fog.
I got it 'cause...
I just had a crazy dream, Man.
You know, the fog bullshit is back, so I'm not going anywhere with that.
Well, it will be like soon so...
Let's go. 
Let's burn off.
Whatever.
You know, why don't we... uh get a bit to eat before you get it lost again.
No, no way. 
I don't want to be late.
C'mon.
All that costs to the room.
All right.
Let's go. 
Make it quick, all right.
This room can use that miracle home makeover, dude.
Gibbs, check it out.
Nice.
They haven't used it in years.
Maybe they should, get little cold.
I guess we sit.
That was not set.
That was weird.
A little weird.
What's up the kids cleaning this dinning room.
You don't want to have whatever tasted dusty for the breakfast.
Dinner.
You said breakfast.
Yeah, that's sort of way me and my friend like to do it.
We like it save dinner till the end of the day.
It is the end.
What!
It's six fifteen, in the evening.
There is no way.
We..we just checked in last night.
That must be late last night.
Or early in the morning?
No, no, no, no...
There is no way we slept for twenty four hours.
Man, we miss our geek!
He must need it a rest.
I'm Peter Rose. 
This is my wife, Diane.
Mike Gibbs.
John Hooke.
Hey...
There's a Hook in the Ohio. 
H-o-o-k
Na, I don't think so.
That's an E in the end of mine, H-o-o-k-e.
Hey, let's get out here.
Let's grasp some to eat on the road.
What's the rush?
We already blow it.
We might as well stay for a dinner.
That's some fog out there, huh?
I like the fog.
Just looks like it's day down at any time soon neither.
But, we don't mind.
Our first vacation in the years.
My boss just has to get by without me for a day or two.
That's ok with me.
She reminds me of somebody.
Whatever.
So, how about you?
You here on business or pleasure, huh?
I'm just passing through.
Oh... really?
And for us.
We got here this afternoon, I guess.
Oh, thank goodness we found this place.
It's crazy out there.
Couldn't see a damn thing in the fog!
Haha...
Yeah, too bad.
Good evening, everyone.
I think Benedict cooked himself tonight.
This looks so delicious.
Oh yeah.
I have got the wine.
Wine.
Fill it up on top, Mark.
He is such cheap with wine.
I haven't had brussels sprouts in years.
He loves brussels sprouts.
Don't we all?
Excuse me, is there anyway I can take a look at menu?
Sorry, we are working on it, but tonight this is the menu.
Great. 
Thanks.
Well, enjoy your dinner.
What's wrong?
I don't like raw meat.
Mean I can eat this?
All right.
Is there anybody know there is a coffee shop around here or anywhere?
Is it the best food that you've ever eaten in your life?
My God! 
I'm stuffed.
Can I get a coffee, please?
Coffee?
You don't want to have a coffee after all that food.
Actually, I...
We don't have coffee!
Looks like they lick the plates clean.
As usual.
I'm so bored.
I know, baby.
He asked for coffee.
If we are stuck here for one night?
Fucked that! 
Let's go.
What about the fog?
I will give it a shit!
We'll find a way out of here. 
Let's go!
Listen, when you get back to the city, you should ...should call me, okay?
21349555..you can email me, totally!
What about the bill?
We send him a check.
Did I give you the keys?
Shit!
Here we go! 
Here we go!
Keys! 
keys!
Gibbs, you don't have them?
Gibbs, you don't have them?
No! 
You were driving!
I must have left them in the car.
All right, I am gonna look.
Okay. 
Keep me informed.
shit!
He asked for coffee.
Why did he ask for a coffee?
Did he eat his meal?
Every bit.
And he drank the wine.
Not a drop left.
Don't worry.
Are all your arranges made tonight?
Yes, like always.
You can screw up, I'm not, okay?
C'mon. 
You know how he gets.
You have a second thought.
You know what you would get into, my killer on board.
We can't leave here until...
I know! 
But what if it doesn't happen?
She is right. 
We could die here.
That's enough. 
We're so close.
Only weeks away, we get stronger everyday.
We will succeed. 
We must.
I need more ashes.
Let's take care of it.
You know,
He is with you.
I'm with you, father.
Yeah.
The baby needs to eat.
You know what we would do to you for the sake of the baby.
Why make yourself miserable?
Eat!
Wait.
You find some coffee?
Hey listen, did you eat tonight?
No.
Good.
Remember if you ever want to get out of this place, no meat, no wine!
Hey! 
Sleeping beauty.
Now, where you go?
Gibbs! 
Gibbs!
Gibbs!
Did you hear something?
You are in luck.
We do have one room available.
That's great, I guess.
We just have to find a place for the night, honeymoon.
Oh, yeah. 
I'm so glad that Sharon picked you up.
You know, we love honeymoon this year.
How often have you been stuck in this fog?
Lots of firsts, if you know what I mean.
Scott!
What!
If you just sign the book.
I need you both to sign.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Let's go, honey. 
I'm cold.
Well, you both get warmed up there.
I don't like this place.
Uh, it's only for one night.
Some honeymoon.
You know what they said, lousy honeymoon,
Great memory.
Is that what they said?
It's the good thing they came tonight.
We could have taken one of the others.
Spend all these time building in the Mamati ash.
You know what I need yet?
In his seek it's just weak.
I've never slept with a married woman before.
Me neither.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
What's that?
I don't know.
Oh, man. 
This is too weird!
What's going on?
I have no idea.
Maybe we should complain.
What are you doing?
This is nuts!
I will take care of it.
Don't answer, for the Christ's sakes.
Go away!
Wow! 
Baby. 
Well done.
I wanna go! 
I wanna go right now!
Okay. 
Okay. 
Okay. 
I will get my stuff.
Jesus Christ, man!
What the fucked is up with you?
What the hell have you been?
Looking for you.
We gotta go now.
Oh, you found keys?
I found a car, we gonna hot wired.
We are?
Roy, help me.
Roy, help me.
No...
Where are we?
I don't know.
I say it looks familiar, but I...
I never been inside the cloud before.
Now I got ever heard that one.
That's okay.
This is right for that place.
Whatever.
What are we doing? 
Like two?
Hey, broke the record! 
You wanna drive?
No, no, no, no.
What if a crippled old ladies passed in her son's handicapped scooter, you let me know.
I will ride with her.
She could go faster than us.
Jesus. 
What the fuck!
Shit!
Fuck!
Gibbs, we are not going anywhere.
What do you think?
I don't believe this.
Beast would shit out and wander around in the fog.
We gotta get a phone.
All right, if there is a hot little maid, Gibbs calls dips!
Yeah. 
Ok!
This is uh...
I don't really know what this is.
Glad I'm not an animal.
Welcome to Mercy.
Sir!
Sir, we really need a car, a tow truck, ok?
Well, the phone line is been down.
Suggested, maybe they will be working tomorrow.
I guess you want a room.
If you just sign the book.
Here you go.
Eleven. 
Twelve.
Appreciate if you both sign.
Hey guys, we get a nice home cooked breakfast in the dinning hall.
Can't miss it.
Straight around the back.
Yeah. 
We know where it is.
At least we didn't miss the breakfast before the bed.
Good morning.
We get out of here. 
Fog, there's no fog.
You know what?
Let's eat breakfast first.
Then we worry about getting out of here part.
Dinner.
Excuse me.
You said breakfast.
Yeah. 
That's..
that's sort of way me and my friend like to do it.
We like to save dinner till the end of a day.
It is the end.
I told you.
It's six fifteen.
In the evening.
It's so weird.
We couldn't dream all day.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
Man, we miss our geek.
Yes, we miss our geek.
It was yesterday.
I'm Peter Rose. 
It's my wife, Diane.
Mike Gibbs.
And this is my friend. 
John Hooke.
Wow! 
Any Russian Hook from Ohio?
No, there's not.
You already asked me that.
Remember? 
Last night.
I have an E in the end of mine.
You remember that?
Jesus! 
This is insane. 
Let's go, man.
What's the rush?
I suppose to stay for the dinner.
There are some fogs out there, uh?
I like the fog.
Roy, where did two of you last night?
No, just me.
That looks like settle down anytime either.
But... we don't mind.
Let me guess.
First vacation in years, right?
How did you know?
And your boss he can't get by it, another day or two without you.
I was just going to say that.
I never ....
So, how about you?
What brings you here?
Business or pleasure?
I'm just passing through.
Same with us.
We just got here last night.
Wait, where is the Mrs?
You don't remember, uh?
You can't see anything in this damned fog, right?
That's exactly what I just about to say.
That's amazing.
It's a bit weird.
You're something.
Good evening, everyone.
I think Benedict cooked himself tonight.
I got the wine.
Well.
Enjoy your dinner.
Let's begin.
Where is he? 
Where is Scott?
Scott?
It's my husband.
We went to our room and with all this chanting.
I know something terrible was happened.
You should sit down and have some dinner.
I'm not hungry.
Have some wine, sweety.
It will calm your nerves.
Don't, no. 
Don't...
I think I'm hungry after all.
What about Scott?
Who?
I haven't had a brussels sprouts...
In years?
Years, right?
And your husband he loves brussels sprouts, doesn't he?
Yeah. 
He does love brussels sprouts.
Don't you people remember?
You don't remember the introduction and small talk, the roast beef, the fucking sprouts?
You don't remember?
We did this exactly same thing last night.
You guys don't remember?
Roy! 
Where is your wife?
Susan!
She is right there.
That's not his wife! 
For Christ's sakes!
You don't remember?
How could you not remember?
Jesus!
Where is Ramon?
He had to fetch more.
Sorry.
Perhaps you forgot what's the stake.
We need the trinity.
I said I'm sorry.
Bless the ash.
Create the healthy child and we all will be free.
Create the child.
Create the child.
Create the child.
Create the child.
Look at her.
Another weak link, just like the others.
And choose to spit out and not to use any longer fresh, if she does miss the carry first.
Patience.
That's we get stronger, so do the babies.
Well, not one of them must fight for more than couple days.
This page will be different.
Look at this healthy child.
Before the ninth?
We are running out the time.
She is not cooperating.
Some of them won't eat meat or drink the wine.
We can't risk taking the child.
This one is very close.
Then what? 
Another dead one for sharing?
Or maybe this time we would be lucky and we would only have two arms and two legs.
You took this on.
You made the choice years ago.
You wouldn't given us this job if you didn't think we can do it.
Of course.
You're right.
September ninth is so close.
And finally we can leave here for eternity.
That's better.
There're so much to look forward to.
Please let me out.
Please.
You can't just keep me here forever.
People will miss me.
She's almost too.
I can't wait to be doing with this.
I won't tell anybody. 
I promise.
I will give you anything.
Just please let me and my baby out.
Just becoming so tedious.
Becoming!
I've got some lovely wine.
I just can't wait for her to try it.
No, please don't go.
Please! 
Please!
Shut up!
How did you know that I just want you?
All that chilling really gets you going.
You want some more?
I'm done.
So you're checking out the new starter over here?
He was cute.
Cute and tasty.
Like a baby bird.
You're jealous?
Right.
I'm jealous.
Next time, he comes and bring one of the other girls.
I'm getting bored.
Bored my ass.
It's me.
What the hell you think you're doing out here in this town at night?
You want to get yourself killed?
We need to talk.
Now.
I see you're starting to remember.
There is something about it.
That's right, honey.
You worked for that band.
Jack!
Good!
The ash is running off.
Ash?
What are you talking about?
Take it easy.
You don't get something from nothing around here.
Tell me.
You got promised to get me out of here.
I promise.
Then you tell me what the hell is going on.
What is this place?
Benedict, Elizabeth and Armon,
They are witches. 
They kill people.
They killed your friend.
Gibbs?
Not Gibbs.
He has eating and drinking and having great all times.
I can't.
Remember.
I know.
There was a man.
Some man with the beard.
Jack?
He is dead.
Jack is dead?
They killed all the ones first.
No stand with it now.
What about the rest of us?
Right now, that's not important.
The important thing is to get out.
I tried!
I can't fucking leave here!
I can't leave. 
Why can't I leave here?
Because you signed the book.
Once you signed the book, that's it.
It's like you signed your life away.
They want you eat and drink, the ash just makes it easy.
The ash is in the food and drink?
It's like some kind of mind control.
The ash just make you forget.
But not me. 
Why?
Because I made damn sure your food is clean. 
That's why.
When you saw this...
Shit!
He takes the drugs on us.
The food and the wine.
Thanks for my screw-up liver.
No wine for Jacky boy.
You have to make this all kind sounds a little bit crazy?
When do we get here?
When do we get here?
According to you it's..
No, when do you remember getting here?
Yesterday
Okay, what's the day that date?
It's Thursday.
October twenty-third.
Thursday.
I took this from the couple that showed up yesterday.
Whenever, whenever.
Roy and Susan something or other?
October, right?
Read the date.
April fourth.
Two thousand nine.
We have been here for six months?
I think time is altered.
Maybe a day here is a week outside or a month. 
I don't know!
How did you know we haven't figured this out all before?
We don't know.
Well! 
That's just fucking great!
That's great.
We should remember now.
Oh my god!
How do we get out of here?
That nasty old van, you know Charon the driver?
Don't even think about taking that van.
Charon's the only one can get to the portal.
Even Benedict, the others either cannot, until...
Until when?
That's enough.
You just get back like everyone else.
Don't let on that your memory is coming back or else we were both dead.
We tried a lot, but we couldn't arrange the money.
Please Veer.
Let me talk. 
- Tobu come.
We've no money, but..
..we've something to make you our debtors.
Expect the unexpected.
Move.
This is royal gift for — king of Losoto.
Prem.
You stole king's gift.
What will brother say? 
-Veer.
You want to see this gift • in king's treasure..
on our Iders
Head.
Diamonds, gems.
Pearl harbour. 
Black Diamond.
Treasure. 
Everything.
Brother Prem says so you don't need to ask.
Everything is in it. 
Open it.
It's lemon pickle.
It's not pickle.
Does anyone give pickle asgiftto king?
It must've hidden diamonds to evade customs.
He's right. 
This belongs to my brother.
This isn't lemon pickle.
I said so.
It has carrot and raddish too.
Tabu says pickle is nice.
It would've been better if you'd brought bread too.
Not bread. 
We'll chop you.
Tobu says..
..if you don't give money within 2 days..
..we'll seize your bungalow worth millions.
And for fooling us with pickle..
..we'II punish you now.
Tobu is very wicked.
He took our clothes too.
It's because of your foolishness. 
-What?
Mine? 
- Yes.
He bought cheap shirts and trousers.
Wefooled him of million of rupees.
What are you doing here?
Sorry. 
-Run away.
It's not about money, but your judgement.
Because of your creative ideas..
..there are more problems in my life.
Was your dad photographer. 
-Why?
You always think so negative.
Don't be tense. 
- I'm here.
I've many creative ideas.
I don't care.
Why are you barking?
Dharam is there.
..who isn't going to Losoto.
Tobu has exposed our shorts.
And now you're barking.
Dog, you're barking from inside the car..
..I'II come in and whack you.
Run, Veer.
You run. 
- You have teased him.
Can you believe it, Mrs. Lobo?
These days a person known as Rapist Ranga..
..is raping beautiful girl becoming half naked.
Beautiful girls. 
-Yes.
Then we must take care.
-Yes. 
-Show me.
Yes.
Ranga. 
-Half naked.
Run. 
-help.
Save Us.
Help me. 
-Someone help us.
Rapist. 
-Help us.
Hello, sir. 
-Please.
Mary, you're a girl.
Like a family member.
-Thank you, sir.
That's why I say..
..from today you'll sleep in my bedroom..
..and I'll be in your .bedroom. 
-We..
He's saying..
I'd to say it.
Because 'Prem'(Iove) is between us.
What? 
- Love between us.
Sir, I'm a servant.
Prem. 
- Prem.
..doesn't differentiate between rich and poor.
He can befall on anyone.
So now you'll be in my bedroom.
Is that clear? 
- Yes.
Hello, Veer.
Now Mary will give you your pocket money.
What? 
Our Mary.
Now she's not our Mary.
She's madam from maid.
Your brother will be with Mary tonight.
I've no time to listen •to your rubbish!
I'm going to change.
He's shocked.
He doesn't know he's not wearing anything.
What will he change?
Prem, saw the result of your third class idea.
You're roaming in city half naked.
And you started stealing too.
First Mr. Dharam's watch.
Then king's royal gift.
Not royal, it had pickle.
You don't have to yell at me.
You said that we should do this for Veer.
And..
Janvi
- It's same.
Prem, stop.
Veer.
What happened?
What happened?
Prem fled with Vidya.
Get the car.
He took the car.
Come.
What are you doing?
Dhondu.
What is this?
Prem, tell him.
He broke it.
Drive properly.
Drive slowly.
Dhondu, stop.
Dhondu.
Dhondu, stop.
Dhondu, chair.
Shut up. 
-I didn'tsayaword.
Dhondu.
Raghu, chill.
Dhondu.
I'm ruined. 
My Meena •is in this hospital. •
Meena.
What happened to Janvi?
-I don't know.
He famed while talking. 
-Prem.
Prem, this time you've gone too far.
Actually, brother..
.Vidya got seriously ill suddenly.
So prem.
Vidya was ill so..
..he should have told us.
How dare you touch her!
Congrats, she's pregnant.
Why is it so peaceful here?
Why am I dumb-struck?
What has happened..
..even the season is new.
The earth and sky is filled with joy.
Why is it so peaceful here?
Why am I dumb-struck?
What has happened..
..even the season is new.
The earth and sky is filled with joy.
The ambience is new.
happened, how Wh1d I tell you? 
—
The ambience is new.
happened, how Wh1d I tell you? 
—
I never thought..
..joy will come with tears.
What are these moments.
..where we are afar even though together?
WhyamIsoIoneIy?
Why do the world seem lonely?
Everything it upside down.
What's the matter?
Life is cross with me.
The ambience is new.
happened, how Wh1d I tell you? 
—
The ambience is new.
happened, how Wh1d I tell you? 
—
Thank God for..
..not sending friends with price tag.
Or I wouldn't have been able to afford you, friend.
You're very priceless.
Now you're talking sense.
I'm sorry.
For what?
-You know
I've decided to tell brother the truth.
What are you saying, Veer?
I'm right, Janvi.
I mean, is it worth it? 
My friend, my sister-in-law..
..can't enjoy important joy of life.
I don't care for such money.
You did so much for us.
This time.. 
-But this lie is proving costly now.
And what you're doing is..
..can't be repaid by me.
Favor. 
Repay. 
Such words shouldn't come between friendsi
That's right, Prem.
We think of other's benefit in friendship.
Not taken advantage of. 
-Veer.
It's all over. 
I'm going.
Mr. Dharam, you found out. 
-Yes.
Chautala, told me everything. 
-Yes.
Veer was going to tell you what Chautala told you.
Yes, brother. 
Forgive me.
I'd erred!
- Err?
My flight to Losoto is resumed..
..so what's your fault?
It's his fault, brother.
He knew your flight is resumed.
But he wanted you to stay for few more days.
How sweet, Veer!
Chautala, book a ticket • after 2 days.. 
-No.
No.
It's important for him to leave.
Control your emotion, • not your brother.
Control.
Have a safe journey.
Come, sir. 
It's time] — forthe flight.
That's ok. 
But I can't — go without gift.
Mary. 
-Sir. 
-Did you — seethatgift?
Gift of King Bambata? 
-Yes.
That treasure box type? 
-Yes.
Rectangular shape?
-l didn't see it.
Mr. Dharam, that day a thief came..
..and might have stolen your gift
Yes, it must be very expensive.
Diamonds.
Let's go to police to lodge a complain.
We'll get the thief caught. 
-No.
It's important for me] to go to Losoto.
Correct. 
-Take another gift.
Here. 
This will solve • your problems.
Who are they?
Didn't you recognize them?
They collect donations.
Hey, what is it?
Corect the question?
—Ask who they're?
—'
He's Tobu. 
Remember, GPL.
He's head boy of GPL. 
He's dumb.
Tobu says when will — you pay5lakh.
5 Lakh.
Hey, are you demanding donation or extortion money.
All the best.
Go away. 
I'll pay letter. 
Go.
Go. 
We will come.
.Brother.
Tobu says..
..Tobu creates war..
Tobu says..
..echo of this slap..
Tobu says..
Tobu can speak.
Tobu can speak. 
GoIi.
Hello. 1. 2. 3. 4.
1. 2. 3. 4.
Tobu can speak.
Sage! 
You're a sage.
Your slap has magic.
You can make someone deaf •or give voice to someone.
Sage, you're great.
You're God! 
-Powerfull
You're everything.
Sage. 
-How much will •you say in a day?
I was dumb. 
Let me talk today.
One slap cured me.
I can speak.
My sage has worked magic.
Tobu can speak.
I waived your loan of 5 lakh.
Which loan?
Acutally.. 
-Let me talk, sage.
Sage, I can talk. 
Let me talk.
They came to me to — bet on car race. —
They took 5 lakhs from me.
But they lost.
It was good. 
We got to meet.
You returned my voice..
..what can I give in return?
What can I give you, sage?
But I want to give you something.
Sage, take this Rolex from me.
Original 24 carat gold..
..studed with diamond.
Sage, don't ask me about other watches.
It has all the qualities.
Sage.
Sage, they gave me this gift.
I returned it to you.
First installment of loan.
Veer, Rolex. 
How cheap!
Cheap! 
It's cheap.
Wait 
-Wait.
Sage, take this. 
Another return gift.
Second installment.
Barn bata gift.
Veer, who gave you the idea to race? 
-
Prem.
And loan? 
- Prem
Who stole the watch?
Prem.
And king's gift? 
-Prem.
Who is the root cause of all the problems? 
-Prem.
Prem!
- Where?
Save me.
Save me from bullets.
Who is throwing stones?
Come in front.
Who is throwing stones?
Tobu says, who is shooting?
Who threw stones?
It's not stone, but bullets.
That's what I said. 
Who •is throwing stones?
Oh!
Why are you mopping now, Prem?
Mary, why is doctor licking •the ground? 
-Go away.
New dysentry in house.
Anyhow, send your fruit • anywhere you want
I Don't care.
Iwantmydepositmoney.
Brother Prem, now I know why you're hiding here.
Actually it has crossed all limit.
ldon't want to be in this bungalow now.
Return my money to me.
Brother Dharam.
I don't want to live here I because of that mad man.
Brother Dharam.
Why are you talking as — ifhe'sbehindme.
Why are you talking as — ifhe'sbehindme.
Why are you talking as — ifhe'sbehindme.
Who gave the idea .of rent? 
-Prem.
Who took deposit of bungalow? 
-Prem.
Who said I was mad? 
-Prem
Who, will I kill? 
-just chill.
Don't.
Move. 
Let me hit too. 
Here.
Daddy. 
-Yes.
I accept I told you the — truth that night..
..but to kill your son-in-law..
..u would have killed all of us.
How?
How can I shoot?
I'm leaving on medicines.
How can this dead man — kill someone else?
Are you ghost?
I'm giving an example.
I came as my daughter won't answer my phone.
I was getting worried.
I thought Veer eloped with Vidya..
..and got married.
Hey! 
What are you saying?
Veer and Vidya ar already married.
No.It can't be.
No, dad. 
-You can't — do this, Vidya.
Fool, she's Vidya.
I'm his dad. 
She'sI my daughter Vidya
Mr. Dharam, I'm Vidya.
Yes.
Veer's girl friend. 
-What
You're a girl friend of a married man.
No, Veer isn't married.
Then who is married?
Mr. and Mrs. Prem Chopra.
Saw? 
She's Vidya.
And she's Janvi!
And you were sending me on leave.
Got It!
Doctor, just chill.
You fool!
Veer, why did you do it?
Brother, to increase my pocket money.
And please don't ask who gave • the idea of fake marriage
Whose was it? 
-'You're Prem Chopra.'
Come here, Prem.
What?
Who is he? 
-He's your brothe 
- You're asking me.
Sage creates miracle.
Sister-in-law, you're here.
Your image is there.
Sage. 
-What's going on?
She's like Mrs. Chopra.
Yes, that's why he used — to be with my wife.
Just chill both are different.
Shut up.
What happened? 
-Bambata is Losoto's king.
She's his sister.
I can't understand her language. 
-Ok.
What happened? 
Meaning.
His brother are firing bullets from outside.
On brother? 
Why? 
-But why?
What happened? 
Meaning.
They're firing on sage..
..as before brother has..
Meaning.
Meaning. 
-In Tamil it means..
..in Telugu it's..
Tell me means in Hindi. 
-It pregnant. •
Pregnant.
This is a small story.
—
-Tell us,sage.
I went to Losoto 3 months ago.
It was dark night. 
Behind dark valley..
..I found Kututo.
Her magic worked on me.
Lightening never strike..
..the way it did that day.
Then what happened?
After that see.
Great, brother.
Your lie has surpassed all my lies.
Prem Chopra name suits me.
Veer.
When a kid would cry in Losoto's village..
..mother would say, go to sleep, child.I
Or your real father will come. 
Dharam Kapur.
Now I know why black is • your favorite color.
Black suitcase.Black tea.
My sir is very lowly!
I agree. 
Come to my • room to sleep.
You fool!
He's muscular.
Popular. 
Spectular.
Womanizer. 
Vidya, Veer is right for you.
Veer, come. 
-Yes. 
-Take Vidya along.
Thank you, dad.
You were sending pickles for • the pregnant lady, sage.
As you sow so you reap.
Sage..
This man should be..
Stop.
Meaning.
Nail. 
-Chill. 
Repeat.
Meaning.
It means, oh my God.
No. 
Meaning of what he said.
They want to kill you with me.
Why? 
-Why?
You downloaded Losoto's life.
Why should we be hanged? 
-Look..
..they don't spare witness.
Sage..
Forget it. 
Just chill.
You!
Meaning.
There is only one way — to escape. 
-What?
I've to marry her.
Then do it.All the Best
Meaning.
It means.. 
-Wait. 
I'll tell you.
Sage, please.
It means..
All the best.

This is not a negotiation.
Each time you refuse, we take something away.
Go to hell!
the money to pay it.
Ivan isn't happy.
I'll get the money.
It's too late for that!
What are you gonna do, you gonna kill me?
No.
That would be a waste of your unique skills.
There is a certain robbery-homicide,
I want it to go away.
No, I can't do anything about that.
I warned you of what would occur should you refuse me.
No, no, stop.
Stop.
So you'll do what I ask?
Never.
No! 
No!
No...!
If your own safety is not a concern, perhaps the safety of others will be.
You do what I ask, or the Gantry boy's going to get hurt.
You'll never find him.
You think you could hide him and his father?
They're back in Miami, and I know where they are.
Hey-hey, Mark, it's me.
Uh, why aren't you picking up?
I need you to call me, okay?
Uh... it's about Billy.
He's not part of this!
He will be.
And everything that I've done to you,
I could do to him.
All right, I'll do what you want.
Is that a yes?
Just tell me what evidence you want me to get rid of.
When the broker dies you do whatever it takes to throw the case.
What broker?
I don't know what case you're talking about.
You'll know in an hour.
Aim high, Mr. Wolfe.
Aim high.
An exchange broker was shot in his office on the 30th floor.
Got a call from a tenant who heard an alarm.
I ran up there as soon as I could.
You apprehend the shooter?
No.
I'm the only guard on duty.
I, uh, shut off the exits.
So the killer's still inside the building.
I doubt if he had time to get down before I locked the building.
Yeah, maybe he went up.
Freeze! 
Police!
That's funny, 'cause your boss said the same thing.
Aim high, Mr. Wolfe.
Aim high.
Thank you.
Freeze! 
Police!
CSI MIAMI 720
What's up with the purple water?
Let's follow the trail and find out, Frank.
There's only one way off this roof, Horatio.
How did you get up here so fast?
Horatio just opened the scene.
I didn'tant to wait for them to turn the elevators back on.
So you ran up 30 flights of stairs?
That's dedication.
I'm Cynthia Lang.
You wanted to talk to me?
You were the victim's assistant?
I was.
What did Mr. Warner do for a living?
He was a foreign currency exchange broker.
He swapped drachmas for dollars here?
Wouldn't a bank be better?
Mr. Warner dealt with people who felt more comfortable outside the banking system.
So they're criminals.
No, not at all.
We got a through-and-through.
Actually, it went all the way through the chair.
Any of his clients unhappy about the exchange rate?
Not that I know of.
Could be a nine mil.
Body and the chair did a number on it though.
It's gonna be hard to match it to a gun.
People fly from all over the world to do business in Miami, and they need U.S. dollars to do it.
They'd bring Mr. Warner their currency and his fee, and he'd give them their cash.
So he kept cash on hand.
Yes.
At least two million, U.S.
But he keeps it all in a locked safe.
I don't even have access.
How is it that you didn't hear anything when your office shares a wall with his?
I was in the lobby getting Mr. Warner his Danish, like I do every morning.
Ask anyone.
I appreciate the suggestion.
Ryan.
Yeah? 
What's up?
Can you tell what's been stolen?
The assistant said that he had a lot of money in here, but that's missing.
Well, we know how he got in.
He drilled a hole in the door.
Probably used a borescope to line up the pins and bust open the lock.
Well, if he was prepared to do that,
I guess logic would state that he also was wearing gloves.
Yes.
But if he used a nine mil, we would've found the shell casing.
So...
Well, I guess he must have scooped it up.
Yeah?
What's up? 
Oh.
That sounds great.
All right, bye.
Who was that?
Delko. 
He said that he may have a lead on the purple water.
He wants to know if any of us have any long rubber gloves.
Oh, I think I do in my kit.
So this is what turned the water purple.
It's an exploding dye pack, like the one banks use to protect their currency.
So the guy threw the money in the Jacuzzi.
Yeah. 
He tried to dilute the dye by opening the box underwater.
Probably still tinted the cash, but it didn't leave it with the telltale ink marks that would render it unusable.
So how do you explain the disappearance of the thief?
Packed the money in a bag, dripped all the way to the edge.
Threw the money over the side?
No.
If he would've done that from this height, there would be cash all over the street.
So then what?
Air traffic control had no reports of a helicopter in the area.
There's no human pancake on the sidewalk, so I think the guy BASE jumped.
Guy's got $2 million in wet cash, jumps over the side.
That's got to be a... what, at least an extra 100 pounds.
It's not impossible.
Anybody see him land?
No one.
Why don't you get the, uh, strongbox back to the lab.
Okay. 
What are you gonna do?
Retrace our killer's fall.
See you in a bit.
Dave, you make any headway on our jumper?
The city should have sent you all the buildings' measurements by now.
Okay, Eric, I've got it.
According to my research, most BASE jumpers have a standard glide ratio of two to one.
So our thief glided two feet horizontally for every vertical foot that he dropped.
Right. 
So it wouldn't even matter even if he did have the extra weight from the cash, because a larger chute would allow the drop to maintain at that ratio.
Now, your building is 450 feet high, making the landing about 900 feet out.
You're looking at about a block and a half.
Our jumper would have landed anywhere along that line.
I'm not seeing any open spaces.
No one reported a BASE jumper landing in the street.
What about another building?
Well, if that's the case, you got a daredevil.
He's have to clear at least 300 feet or he wouldn't even walk away.
Look for anything under three stories with a flat roof, see what you find.
Okay, I see the area where he might have landed.
Is that Jim Colton?
Yeah, we got his epithelials on the parachute.
Now let's see if we can put the gun in his hands.
Oh, man, I got to take this.
What now? 
We're about to question a murder suspect.
I wouldn't take it if it wasn't important.
Hello.
What do you want?
You have one of my men at your station.
You'd better get them looking at someone else.
I'll fix this.
Let me see your hands.
I thought you could use a little extra motivation.
Check your phone.
Dad?
You shot Ian Warner... stole his money and jumped off the roof with it.
Says who?
Says your DNA.
You worked at the, uh... worked at the extreme sports center, right?
Yeah.
Is there any other way your DNA could have ended up on that parachute?
Yeah.
I pack chutes all the time.
You fire guns all the time, too?
Yeah, it's clean.
He could have washed his hands.
Get him out of here.
Don't release him.
Eric, he's clean.
He's a suspect, Wolfe, okay?
I can detain him for 48 hours.
Now what the hell is this all about?
What?
Interrogation 101.
We ask them questions, they give us information.
You totally gave the guy an out.
Unfortunately, Eric, we have to consider every possibility.
I agree, but not in front of the suspect.
There's a certain robbery-homicide,
I want it to go away.
No, I can't do anything about that.
No! 
No!
Mark, where have you been?
I had appointments all morning.
What's wrong?
I need you to go to someplace safe and just stay there.
What about Billy?
When was the last time you saw him?
I dropped him off at school.
I was running a little bit late.
Hold on, is Billy in trouble?
Dad?
He's in trouble, all right?
But if you go after him... if try and find him, they're going to kill Billy.
Who, the Russians?
Yeah, it's the Russians and I know what they want.
All I got to do is stall them, okay?
You need to stall?
What does that mean?
It's just some family stuff.
Okay, I don't like to pry but I'm going to.
What's going on?
I noticed your lip.
It looks like you're missing a tooth.
Did you get into a fight?
No, no, no, uh, I had a crown made and the temporary fell out.
You know how hard it is to get a dentist appointment with the hours that we work.
So...
I do.
So, I collected all of the items that got tossed out of the safe.
I think that our killer probably pushed them aside on his was to the lockbox.
Hopefully he left a print.
I'd love an extra set of hands.
you got 'em. 
I've just got to take care of one thing first.
Okay.
Got a call from a tenant who heard an alarm.
I ran up there as soon as I could.
How's it going?
I'm still running all the prints Calleigh tape-lifted from the victim's scattered safe contents.
So far, the only ones here belong to the victim himself.
You need any help?
No. 
No, listen, um, about earlier...
If you're worried about what happened during the interrogation, don't.
We all make mistakes.
Thanks.
Ben Porterson.
Oh, yeah, that's the security guard from the building today.
Yeah, apparently he was inside of Ian Warner's safe.
I'm gonna have patrol bring him in.
Hey, you know what?
Why don't I go do it.
No, I actually want to get Horatio in on this.
I'll take care of it.
Thanks.
There's no way I'm gonna test positive for gunshot residue.
Do you carry a firearm, Mr. Porterson?
Yeah, nine mill.
For my job.
Relinquished it to the officers that brought me in.
You see, nine millimeter is the same caliber round that we recovered from the crime scene.
I didn't shoot Mr. Warner.
That's not what the evidence is telling us.
What's that?
Gunshot residue.
So how did it go down?
You did the murder and your partner BASE jumped off the roof with the cash?
No!
Look, I didn't do anything.
You're under arrest, Mr. Porterson, for the murder of Ian Warner.
Thank you for your cooperation.
No, all right, wait a second.
This doesn't make sense.
I'm innocent, I swear.
This is crazy.
I didn't do anything.
No. 
All right, wait a second.
I didn't do anything.
I didn't...
Mr. Wolfe.
So is he our guy?
Yeah, he popped positive for GSR.
The security guard did?
You sure?
That's what I said.
What do you want to do about Jim Colton?
I don't know.
What do you think, Mr. Wolfe?
Well, he didn't test positive for GSR.
Can't place him on the rooftop, so... can't put him at the murder scene.
So then we have to let him go.
Mm-hmm.
H, his DNA indirectly ties him to the scene.
Indirectly is not enough, is it, Eric?
Keep me posted, gentlemen.
No, I'm not just gonna calm down, okay?
I want someone to tell me what's going on with my son's case.
I'd be happy to.
Lieutenant, thank God.
Ryan told me
Billy's been taken.
Mr. Gantry, as I recall, you and your son were supposed to leave town.
Sarnoff shows up one day out of nowhere.
He starts pressuring me, threatening me, threatening my son.
Mark, you and Billy are gonna get out of here.
All right?
You got to disappear.
We did it... we took your advice and we left.
And then I found out that Ryan took over my debt, and I couldn't live with that.
So I got back a few days ago, and then he called and said that they have Billy.
Look, I just don't understand what's going on.
Well, that makes two of us.
Have a seat, please.
Have a seat.
Mr. Wolfe, where are you?
Dad?
I know that doesn't look good, but I can explain it.
Do.
I was going to pick up a suspect.
I got a flat.
It was a setup.
The Russians were watching us.
I should've known that.
The guy who kidnapped me said that if I didn't help in the Ian Warner investigation they would kill that kid.
No! 
No!
I analyzed my shirt:
sucrose, calcium phosphate.
Do you know how many sugar refineries there are in Southern Florida?
You subverted an investigation.
No, I did not.
I slowed it down.
And after that kid comes back,
I will face every review board out there.
Horatio, they're watching my every move.
Okay.
What about Billy?
Hey, Jamie.
Hey.
Hi.
Is this the security guy's jacket?
Yeah. 
Something just wasn't sitting quite right with me.
Well, Calleigh, you know that a... a hunch doesn't trump evidence.
I mean, the guy had GSR on his jacket, his print was on the victim's safe, and his gun's the right caliber.
That gun?
Yeah, that gun.
It's clean.
And it looks like it's never even been fired.
And get this... 
I ran a modified Griess test, just to see exactly where the GSR residue landed.
Because GSR typically will spray back onto the shooter in a speckle pattern.
Two shots.
But look at this.
Check out the shape...
it's a smear.
Someone else fired the murder weapon, and then wiped the GSR onto Ben.
Maybe he wiped the GSR on his own jacket.
Don't touch that!
What?
Drop it!
You're not wearing gloves.
I know, I know, it was just a weird mistake.
You are one of the most meticulous people
I have ever worked with.
What are you doing?
What are you talking about, what am I doing?
I made a mistake.
You don't make mistakes.
You certainly don't make mistakes like that.
You know, Ryan, I have to tell you that I think you're acting the way you acted when you were gambling.
I'm not gambling.
All right.
But I want you to know that with all we've been through, if there is something bothering you, if there is anything bothering you, you do not have to keep it a secret from me.
I'm not keeping anything a secret.
I got secrets...
don't tell anybody.
What was that about?
I guess I'm not quite clear on why you brought me back in here.
Well, wee hoping you'll be straightforward with us now that we know the truth.
We know that you didn't shoot Ian Warner.
So you believe me.
We believe that you didn't pull the trigger, but somehow you're still connected to this murder.
How?
We found your fingerprint in the safe, but the gunshot residue that we found was transferred.
I'm being set up.
That's what we're wondering.
Who were you in contact with around the time of the murder?
Cynthia.
Cynthia Lang?
Ian's assistant?
Yeah.
I didn't want to say nothing...
I mean, I have a fianc?
... but Cynthia, she asked me out last week.
She's kind of aggressive for a woman.
I guess I kind of liked the attention.
And this morning?
It was down in the lobby.
Come on.
She found me and told me she couldn't wait to see me... and, uh, pulled me into the elevator.
Wait a minute.
That loser told you what?
The security guard told us thatou seduced him, that you tricked him into staying on the first floor while your office was robbed.
Yeah, that's me.
Do I look like the kind of girl who would do that?
You're saying you didn't have sex with Ben Porterson?
I would never be that desperate.
Well, if you would like to disprove his story, we can process you.
For what, exactly?
Gunshot residue, for starters.
And then DNA.
Just to disprove him?
No. 
No way.
I want a lawyer.
We haven't had an incident at this school in over ten years.
What makes you think he was taken from here?
Principal,
I can assure you that my sources are credible.
Did you bring the security footage?
The camera from our main entrance.
Thank you.
I analyzed my shirt: sucrose, calcium phosphate.
Do you know how many sugar refineries there are in Southern Florida?
Looks like we shouldn't have released you.
Where's the boy?
Boy? 
What boy?
I don't know anything...
What is the money for, then?
I just followed orders.
Show up at the high-rise, bust into that safe and jump off the roof with the cash.
Why are you digging a grave, then?
It's not a grave.
I was gonna stash the money in there.
Just lay low till the heat was off me.
Where is the boy?
I didn't have anything to do with that.
Jim, take my advice.
Like I said, Jim, you're gonna be next.
No way my people did that to Sergei.
Hook him up, please.
The difference is yours will be at point-blank range.
You're a cop.
You have to protect me from them.
Where is the boy?
You have no new messages.
Look, I don't know any names.
But you know exactly where they are, don't you?
You stay quiet, you live.
You understand?
This is Wolfe.
I thought we had an understanding.
Listen, your guy is free.
I got Jim Colton cut loose, he's still got the cash.
I thought that was the deal.
Who says I have only one guy?
Listen, you got to give me all the information.
That's how it works.
I can fix whatever situation you want, but you've got to give me the information, all right?
Now, who is this other guy?
It's too late.
Now you deal with the consequences.
No, no, no, no, listen to me.
You listen to me.
I've done everything you asked me to do, okay?
I have done everything that you have asked...
No, you haven't, Mr. Wolfe!
You've only made things more difficult.
Just tell me what to do.
I should have killed you when I had the chance.
Just tell me what to do.
The deal's off.
No, listen to me.
No.
No. 
No.
No! 
No!
Hang on, Mr. Wolfe.
Billy, look at me.
You okay, son? 
Billy?
You okay?
Are you all right?
Let's go.
Mr. Wolfe, we're coming home.
This is all of Ian Warner's money?
Yep.
Horatio got Jim Colton to come clean on the heist.
He was in possession of this bag.
Nine mil.
It's the same caliber as the mushroom round
I recovered from the scene.
Yeah, the gun's been wiped clean, probably by Jim.
Maybe, uh... maybe that can help.
What the hell is this?
It's from the crime scene.
I found it in the broker's office.
I thought the killer took the only shell casing at the crime scene.
No, I scooped it up.
Why?
I had to.
You had us spinning our wheels all day while you were holding onto a key piece of evidence?
I'm sorry.
What the hell is wrong with you, Wolfe?
Huh?
Take a look at it.
It has ridge detail.
And you've had it the whole time?
There are extenuating circumstances.
Just get out.
Just get out.
I'm gonna get this to Fingerprints.
This shell casing was on the floor of your boss's office.
Your print's on it.
We know that you loaded the gun that killed your boss.
And I'm willing to bet if we tested you for GSR, we'd find out that you pulled the trigger as well.
Ian was one of the richest currency exchange brokers anywhere.
He'd forgotten the people who graciously helped him to that position of power.
So this wasn't about the money?
No.
It was about disrespect.
None of this would have been necessary if he'd shaken a few hands along the way.
Or kissed the ring.
So they're being relocated.
Ian was my boss, but I work for others.
Listen, your guy is free.
I thought that was the deal.
Who says I have only one guy?
And they decided it was time for him to go.
Mr. Warner, I have a message for you.
Cynthia, please, not right now.
Make it fast.
Is everything all right up there?
Come on.
You and Jim Colton were quite a team.
They promised us we would never be caught.
They were wrong.
Starting now.
Why do you think the Russians went after me?
Because they sensed an opening, but they underestimated you, didn't they?
H, they're trying to break us.
I say bring it on.
Synchro : 
Flolo Transcript : yyets.net

This is not a negotiation. 
Each time you refuse, we take something away.
Go to hell!
You took over your sponsor's debt without the money to pay it.
Ivan isn't happy.
I'll get the money.
It's too late for that!
What are you gonna do,you gonna kill me?
No.That would be a e ofunuekill
There is a certain robbery-homicide, I want it to go away.
No,I can't do anything about that.
I warned you of what would occur should you refuse me.
No,no,stop.Stop.
So you'll do what I ask?
Never.
No! 
No! 
No...!
If your own safety is not a concern, perhaps the safety of others will be.
You do what I ask, or the Gantry boy's going to get hurt.
You'll never find him.
You think you could hide him and his father?
They're back in Miami, and I know where they are.
Hey-hey,Mark,it's me. 
Uh,why aren't you picking up? 
I need you to call me,okay?
it's about Billy.
He's not part of this!
He will be.
And everything that I've done to you, I could do to him.
All right,I'll do what you want.
Is that a yes?
Just tell me what evidence you want me to get rid of.
When the broker dies you do whatever it takes to throw the case.
What broker? 
I don't know what case you're talking about.
You'll know in an hour.
Aim high,Mr. Wolfe. 
Aim high.
An exchange broker was shot in his office on the 30th floor.
Got a call from a tenant who heard an alarm.
I ran up there as soon as I could.
You apprehend the shooter?
No. 
I'm the only guard on duty.
I,uh,shut off the exits.
So the killer's still inside the building.
I doubt if he had time to get down before I locked the building.
Yeah,maybe he went up.
That's funny,'cause your boss said the same thing.
Aim high,Mr. Wolfe.
Aim high.
Thank you.
CSI:
Miami Season07 Episode20 Wolfe In Sheep's Clothing
What's up with the purple water?
Let's follow the trail and find out,Frank.
There's only one way off this roof,Horatio.
How did you get up here so fast?
Horatio just opened the scene.
I didn't want to wait for them to turn the elevators back on.
So you ran up 30 flights of stairs?
That's dedication.
I'm Cynthia Lang.
You wanted to talk to me?
You were the victim's assistant?
I was.
What did Mr. Warner do for a living?
He was a foreign currency exchange broker.
He swapped drachmas for dollars here?
Wouldn't a bank be better?
Mr. Warner dealt with people who felt more comfortable outside the banking system.
So they're criminals.
No,not at all.
We got a through-and-through.
Actually,it went all the way through the chair.
Any of his clients unhappy about the exchange rate?
Not that I know of.
Could be a nine mil.
Body and the chair did a number on it though.
It's gonna be hard to match it to a gun.
People fly from all over the world to do business in Miami, and they need U.S. dollars to do it.
They'd bring Mr. Warner their currency and his fee, and he'd give them their cash.
So he kept cash on hand.
Yes. 
At least two million,U.S.
But he keeps it all in a locked safe.
I don't even have access.
How is it that you didn't hear anything when your office shares a wall with his?
I was in the lobby getting Mr. Warner his Danish, like I do every morning. 
Ask anyone.
I appreciate the suggestion.
- Ryan.
- Yeah?
Can you tell what's been stolen?
The assistant said that he had a lot of money in here,but that's missing.
Well,we know how he got in.
He drilled a hole in the door.
Probably used a borescope to line up the pins and bust open the lock.
Well,if he was prepared to do that,
I guess logic would state that he also was wearing gloves.
Yes. 
But if he used a nine mil, we would've found the shell casing. 
So...
Well,I guess he must have scooped it up.
Yeah? 
What's up?
That sounds great.
- All right,bye.
- Who was that?
Delko. 
He said that he may have a lead on the purple water.
He wants to know if any of us have any long rubber gloves.
Oh,I think I do in my kit.
So this is what turned the water purple.
It's an exploding dye pack,like the one banks use to protect their currency.
So the guy threw the money in the Jacuzzi.
Yeah. 
He tried to dilute the dye by opening the box underwater.
Probably still tinted the cash, but it didn't leave it with the telltale ink marks that would render it unusable.
So how do you explain the disappearance of the thief?
Packed the money in a bag, dripped all the way to the edge.
Threw the money over the side?
No. 
If he would've done that from this height, there would be cash all over the street.
So then what?
Air traffic control had no reports of a helicopter in the area.
There's no human pancake on the sidewalk, so I think the guy BASE jumped.
Guy's got $2 million in wet cash,jumps over the side.
That's got to be a... what,at least an extra 100 pounds.
It's not impossible.
Anybody see him land?
No one.
Why don't you get the,uh, strongbox back to the lab.
Okay. 
What are you gonna do?
Retrace our killer's fall.
See you in a bit.
Dave,you make any headway on our jumper?
The city should have sent you all the buildings' measurements by now.
Okay,Eric,I've got it.
According to my research,most BASE jumpers have a standard glide ratio of two to one.
So our thief glided two feet horizontally for every vertical foot that he dropped.
Right. 
So it wouldn't even matter even if he did have the extra weight from the cash, because a larger chute would allow the drop to maintain at that ratio.
Now,your building is 450 feet high, making the landing about 900 feet out.
You're looking at about a block and a half.
Our jumper would have landed anywhere along that line.
I'm not seeing any open spaces.
No one reported a BASE jumper landing in the street.
What about another building?
Well,if that's the case,you got a daredevil.
He's have to clear at least 300 feet or he wouldn't even walk away.
Look for anything under three stories with a flat roof,see what you find.
Okay,I see the area where he might have landed.
Is that Jim Colton?
Yeah,we got his epithelials on the parachute.
Now let's see if we can put the gun in his hands.
Oh,man,I got to take this.
What now? 
We're about to question a murder suspect.
I wouldn't take it if it wasn't important.
Hello.
What do you want?
You have one of my men at your station.
You'd better get them looking at someone else.
- I'll fix this.
- Let me see your hands.
I thought you could use a little extra motivation.
Check your phone.
Dad?
You shot Ian Warner... stole his money and jumped off the roof with it.
- Says who?
- Says your DNA.
You worked at the,uh... worked at the extreme sports center,right?
Yeah.
Is there any other way your DNA could have ended up on that parachute?
Yeah. 
I pack chutes all the time.
You fire guns all the time,too?
Yeah,it's clean.
He could have washed his hands.
Get him out of here.
- Don't release him.
- Eric,he's clean.
He's a suspect,Wolfe,okay?
I can detain him for 48 hours.
- Now what the hell is this all about?
- What?
Interrogation 101. 
We ask them questions,they give us information.
You totally gave the guy an out.
Unfortunately,Eric,we have to consider every possibility.
I agree,but not in front of the suspect.
Get your head in the case.
There's a certain robbery-homicide, I want it to go away.
No,I can't do anything about that.
No! 
No!
Mark,where have you been?
I had appointments all morning. 
What's wrong?
I need you to go to someplace safe and just stay there.
What about Billy?
When was the last time you saw him?
I dropped him off at school. 
I was running a little bit late.
Hold on,is Billy in trouble?
Dad?
He's in trouble,all right?
But if you go after him... if try and find him, they're going to kill Billy.
Who,the Russians?
Yeah,it's the Russians and I know what they want.
All I got to do is stall them,okay?
You need to stall? 
What does that mean?
It's just some family stuff.
Okay,I don't like to pry but I'm going to. 
What's going on?
I noticed your lip. 
It looks like you're missing a tooth.
Did you get into a fight?
No,no,no,uh,I had a crown made and the temporary fell out.
You know how hard it is to get a dentist appointment with the hours that we work. 
So...
I do.
So,I collected all of the items that got tossed out of the safe.
I think that our killer probably pushed them aside on his was to the lockbox.
Hopefully he left a print.
I'd love an extra set of hands.
you got 'em. 
I've just got to take care of one thing first.
Okay.
B******
Got a call from a tenant who heard an alarm.
I ran up there as soon as I could.
How's it going?
I'm still running all the prints Calleigh tape-lifted from the victim's scattered safe contents.
So far,the only ones here belong to the victim himself.
You need any help?
No. 
No,listen, um,about earlier...
If you're worried about what happened during the interrogation,don't.
- We all make mistakes.
- Thanks.
Ben Porterson.
Oh,yeah,that's the security guard from the building today.
Yeah,apparently he was inside of Ian Warner's safe.
I'm gonna have patrol bring him in.
Hey,you know what? 
Why don't I go do it.
No,I actually want to get Horatio in on this.
I'll take care of it.
Thanks.
There's no way I'm gonna test positive for gunshot residue.
Do you carry a firearm,Mr. Porterson?
Yeah,nine mill. 
For my job.
Relinquished it to the officers that brought me in.
You see,nine millimeter is the same caliber round that we recovered from the crime scene.
I didn't shoot Mr. Warner.
That's not what the evidence is telling us.
- What's that?
- Gunshot residue.
So how did it go down?
You did the murder and your partner BASE jumped off the roof with the cash?
No!
Look,I didn't do anything.
You're under arrest,Mr. Porterson, for the murder of Ian Warner.
Thank you for your cooperation.
No,all right,wait a second.
This doesn't make sense. 
I'm innocent,
I swear.This is crazy.
I didn't do anything.
- Mr. Wolfe.
- So is he our guy?
Yeah,he popped positive for GSR.
The security guard did? 
You sure?
That's what I said.
What do you want to do about Jim Colton?
I don't know. 
What do you think,Mr. Wolfe?
Well,he didn't test positive for GSR.
Can't place him on the rooftop,so... can't put him at the murder scene.
So then we have to let him go.
H,his DNA indirectly ties him to the scene.
Indirectly is not enough,is it,Eric?
Keep me posted,gentlemen.
No,I'm not just gonna calm down,okay?
I want someone to tell me what's going on with my son's case.
I'd be happy to.
Lieutenant,thank God.
Ryan told me Billy's been taken.
Mr. Gantry,as I recall, you and your son were supposed to leave town.
Sarnoff shows up one day out of nowhere.
He starts pressuring me, threatening me,threatening my son.
Mark,you and Billy are gonna get out of here. 
All right? 
You got to disappear.
We did it - we took your advice and we left.
And then I found out that Ryan took over my debt, and I couldn't live with that.
So I got back a few days ago, and then he called and said that they have Billy.
Look,I just don't understand what's going on.
Well,that makes two of us.
Have a seat,please. 
Have a seat.
Come on.
Mr. Wolfe,where are you?
Dad?
I know that doesn't look good,but I can explain it.
Do.
I was going to pick up a suspect.
I got a flat.
It was a setup.
The Russians were watching us. 
I should've known that.
The guy who kidnapped me said that if I didn't help in the Ian Warner investigation they would kill that kid.
No! 
No!
I analyzed my shirt:
sucrose,calcium phosphate.
Do you know how many sugar refineries there are in Southern Florida?
- You subverted an investigation.
- No,I did not.
I slowed it down.
And after that kid comes back, I will face every review board out there.
Horatio, they're watching my every move.
Okay.
What about Billy?
******
*****
Hey,Jamie.
Is this the security guy's jacket?
Yeah. 
Something just wasn't sitting quite right with me.
Well,Calleigh,you know that a... a hunch doesn't trump evidence. 
I mean,the guy had GSR on his jacket, his print was on the victim's safe, and his gun's the right caliber.
- That gun?
- Yeah,that gun.
It's clean.
And it looks like it's never even been fired.
And get this 
- I ran a modified Griess test, just to see exactly where the GSR residue landed.
Because GSR typically will spray back onto the shooter in a speckle pattern.
Two shots.
But look at this. 
Check out the shape - it's a smear.
Someone else fired the murder weapon, and then wiped the GSR onto Ben.
Maybe he wiped the GSR on his own jacket.
- Don't touch that!
- What?
Drop it! 
You're not wearing gloves.
I know,I know,it was just a weird mistake.
You are one of the most meticulous people I have ever worked with.
What are you doing?
What are you talking about,what am I doing? 
I made a mistake.
You don't make mistakes.
You certainly don't make mistakes like that.
You know,Ryan,I have to tell you that I think you're acting the way you acted when you were gambling.
I'm not gambling.
All right.
But I want you to know that with all we've been through, if there is something bothering you, if there is anything bothering you, you do not have to keep it a secret from me.
I'm not keeping anything a secret.
I got secrets - don't tell anybody.
What was that about?
I guess I'm not quite clear on why you brought me back in here.
Well,we're hoping you'll be straightforward with us now that we know the truth.
We know that you didn't shoot Ian Warner.
So you believe me.
We believe that you didn't pull the trigger, but somehow you're still connected to this murder.
How?
We found your fingerprint in the safe, but the gunshot residue that we found was transferred.
I'm being set up.
That's what we're wondering.
Who were you in contact with around the time of the murder?
Cynthia.
Cynthia Lang?
Ian's assistant?
Yeah.
I didn't want to say nothing-
I mean,I have a fiance- but Cynthia, she asked me out last week.
She's kind of aggressive for a woman.
I guess I kind of liked the attention.
And this morning?
It was down in the lobby.
Come on.
She found me and told me she couldn't wait to see me... and,uh,pulled me into the elevator.
Wait a minute. 
That loser told you what?
The security guard told us that you seduced him, that you tricked him into staying on the first floor while your office was robbed.
Yeah,that's me.
Do I look like the kind of girl who would do that?
You're saying you didn't have sex with Ben Porterson?
I would never be that desperate.
Well,if you would like to disprove his story, we can process you.
For what,exactly?
Gunshot residue,for starters.
And then DNA.
Just to disprove him?
No. 
No way.
I want a lawyer.
We haven't had an incident at this school in over ten years.
What makes you think he was taken from here?
Principal,I can assure you that my sources are credible.
Did you bring the security footage?
The camera from our main entrance.
Thank you.
17 RESULTS FOUND
I analyzed my shirt:
sucrose, calcium phosphate.
Do you know how many sugar refineries there are in Southern Florida?
Looks like we shouldn't have released you.
Where's the boy?
Boy? 
What boy? 
I don't know anything...
What is the money for,then?
I just followed orders.
Show up at the high-rise, bust into that safe and jump off the roof with the cash.
Why are you digging a grave,then?
It's not a grave.
I was gonna stash the money in there.
Just lay low till the heat was off me.
Where is the boy?
I didn't have anything to do with that.
Jim,take my advice.
They're gonna kill you next.
Like I said,Jim,you're gonna be next.
No way my people did that to Sergei.
Hook him up,please.
The difference is yours will be at point-blank range.
You're a cop.
You have to protect me from them.
Where is the boy?
You have no new messages.
Look,I don't know any names.
But you know exactly where they are,don't you?
You stay quiet,you live. 
You understand?
This is Wolfe.
I thought we had an understanding.
Listen,your guy is free.
I got Jim Colton cut loose,he's still got the cash.
I thought that was the deal.
Who says I have only one guy?
Listen,you got to give me all the information. 
That's how it works.
I can fix whatever situation you want, but you've got to give me the information,all right?
Now,who is this other guy?
It's too late. 
Now you deal with the consequences.
No,no,no,no,listen to me.
You listen to me. 
I've done everything you asked me to do,okay?
I have done everything that you have asked...
No,you haven't,Mr. Wolfe!
You've only made things more difficult.
Just tell me what to do.
I should have killed you when I had the chance.
- The deal's off.
- No.
No. 
No. 
No! 
No!
Hang on,Mr. Wolfe. 
Billy,You okay,son?
Billy?
Let's go. 
You okay? 
Are you all right?
Mr. Wolfe, we're coming home.
This is all of Ian Warner's money?
Yep. 
Horatio got Jim Colton to come clean on the heist.
He was in possession of this bag.
Nine mil.
It's the same caliber as the mushroom round I recovered from the scene.
Yeah,the gun's been wiped clean, probably by Jim.
Maybe,uh... maybe that can help.
What the hell is this?
It's from the crime scene.
I found it in the broker's office.
I 
- I thought the killer took the only shell casing at the crime scene.
- No,I scooped it up.
- Why?
I had to.
You had us spinning our wheels all day while you were holding onto a key piece of evidence?
- I'm sorry.
- What the hell is wrong with you,Wolfe?
Take a look at it.
It has ridge detail.
And you've had it the whole time?
- There are extenuating circumstances.
- Just get out.
Just get out.
I'm gonna get this to Fingerprints.
This shell casing was on the floor of your boss's office.
Your print's on it.
We know that you loaded the gun that killed your boss.
And I'm willing to bet if we tested you for GSR, we'd find out that you pulled the trigger as well.
Ian was one of the richest currency exchange brokers anywhere.
He'd forgotten the people who graciously helped him to that position of power.
So this wasn't about the money?
No. 
It was about disrespect.
None of this would have been necessary if he'd shaken a few hands along the way.
Or kissed the ring.
So they're being relocated.
Ian was my boss,but I work for others.
Listen,your guy is free. 
I thought that was the deal.
Who says I have only one guy?
And they decided it was time for him to go.
Mr. Warner,I have a message for you.
Cynthia,please,not right now.
Make it fast.
Is everything all right up there?
Come on.
You and Jim Colton were quite a team.
They promised us we would never be caught.
They were wrong.
IT DOESN'T MATTER
IN THE END,
WE TAKE WHAT WE WANT.
AND YOU'LL DO TIME FOR IT.
Starting now.
Why do you think the Russians went after me?
Because they sensed an opening, but they underestimated you,didn't they?
H,they're trying to break us.
I say bring it on.

Who are you?
Let me go!
- Don't move! 
Shut up!
Get up!
Get up, for fuck's sake!
Who the fuck are you?
Don't you worry about that!
Who was with you at the rape?
I don't know him!
- You'll be in for a long night.
His name?
I don't know who it was!
His name?
Give me his name?
I don't know it!
-Give me his name!
I don't know it!
-Give me his name!
His name!
Give me his name, you son of a bitch!
His name!
Muller! 
Daniel Muller!
We're from the same area.
Okay...now tell the mic how sorry you are about Rossi.
Tell us what really happened..
and we'll get off your back.
Come on, do it!
Get a move on.
Come on!
You're fucking cops!
You can go fuck yourselves!
-Get up! 
Shut your mouth, you son of a bitch.
- Theo! 
Stop, Theo!
"Crossing The Line"
Shit. 
He's dead...
Theo for fuck's sake, what have you done?
!
What the fuck have you done?
!
.
- I didn't do it on purpose!
What the fuck have you done?
!
I didn't do it on purpose!
You didn't do it on purpose!
What have you done!
Cut it out!
What were you doing with this?
It's Lemoine's gun?
I just wanted to scare him.
Load up the body and let's get out of here.
This is murder.
We have to report it.
There is no time for that bullshit.
Open the door, Theo.
I want no part in this, Eddy.
Either we do this or we're all looking at a 20 years stretch.
Walter...
Drop Roxane off and head to Helena's place with Theo.
You got to hers last night at 8... and spent the night at her bedside.
You've got 2 hours to agree on a story.
Internal affairs will be onto it first thing.
Okay.
What do I tell, Helene?
-Nothing. 
She's not to know.
Take a cold bath, sort your head out and keep off the coke till after the disciplinary.
If you crack, you'll be busted, and if you're busted, we'll all be.
Theo, for fuck's sake, what have you done?
!
- I didn't do it on purpose!
- You didn't do it on purpose?
!
- What have you done?
- I didn't do it on purpose!
Eddy, it's been ages...
- Get in.
I can't. 
I've got a client.
How much?
- A lot.
I'll double it for the night.
And I'll throw in a present, too.
Is it really that bad?
What about Eddy? 
Where's he?
I dunno.
Go back to bed, love.
It's too early to get up.
It's the same every night.
She's waiting.
She's convinced that he'll come back.
What do I have to tell them?
That we got here at 8 in the evening.
We had dinner and then stayed a while to keep you company.
Is that it?
That's it.
You don't have to, Helene.
Max didn't have to die either.
There were three of them.
balaclavas, riot clothing, pump action shotguns, precise, calm movements, very professional.
These weren't dodgy hoodlums coming to free a friend.
Such a major operation for for a piece of scum like Benaissa..
I must admit it doesn't add up.
Just look at Rossi's colleagues... you have your motive: vengeance.
and three names that match up too:
Caplan, Morlighem, Vachewski.
Vogel, you should stop wanking over your work.
It leaves stains and screws with your mind.
I want all three to be interviewed as part of this investigation.
My people don't need that.
Rossi's death has shaken them, but to suggest...
They're not your men now, Bordier.
You might as well be in Montpellier.
You have my permission.
Shit!
I've never paid this much for a shag before.
Well, I'm expensive.
Hello.
Do you work police hours now at Internal Affairs?
- Long night?
- A restless one.
I need you to get dressed and come with us.
Really?
And why should I follow you?
To tell me what you were doing last night between 11pm and 6am.
He was with me...
And we fucked all night.
Thank you.
What's your name?
- Sara.
- Sara what?
- Sara Caplan.
Sara Caplan?
Don't mess with me. 
Sara what?
- Diatekine.
- What?
So. 
Where did you pick her up?
- In front of the Crillon.
- What time?
Ten or half past, I don't remember
It's important that you do remember.
What did you do?
She's told you, what we did.
Do you screw other cops or is he the only one?
I think he's the only one.
-What time did he pick you up?
-I don't know. 
In the evening.
"In the evening"?
I need a time.
Half nine, ten.
- What were you doing before?
- Fucking a fat pig.
She stayed all night and you didn't go anywhere?
Would you, if you had a woman like her in bed?
Do you often take whores home?
I've had enough of this.
What do you want to know?
Miss Delgado?
Valerie Borg, Chief Inspector.
Have you been working here long.
Nearly four years.
- Do you like it?
- It's no worse than anywhere else.
What do you mean?
If it's that tough, why are you still here?
Because I like my job.
Why did you choose such a tough area?
You were one of the ten best graduates.
You could have gone for a more fulfilling role somewhere quieter.
There's no point being a cop if it just means sitting at a desk.
- Where were you last night?
- At home.
- Alone?
- With my boyfriend.
- What does your boyfriend do?
- He's a writer.
What does he write?
Books.
When did you clock off yesterday?
About 8.
Did you go straight home?
Yes.
Did your colleagues leave then too?
I left first. 
They were at the bar.
What bar?
We have an 'in-house' bar.
So you don't know what they did later?
They were going to have dinner with Max's wife.
But you weren't?
No.
Why not?
I've got my life to live.
Do you know if they really went?
Why wouldn't they?
Have you heard of any operation they might have done last night?
What sort of operation?
Benaissa was taken from his hospital bed at 11:45 last night.
by three masked, armed men.
I think you and your friends were part of the commando unit.
That's all.
Instead of keeping us here for this damn questioning.
why not let us find him before he rapes again?
.
For your sake I hope your statements match.
- Otherwise?
- I'll see to it that you go down.
You know what, Vogel.
You should do as I do.
Fuck a whore now and again.
It'll chill you out.
You look exhausted.
What's wrong, Roxane?
Everything's fine.
Your friend, Lieutenant Vachewski, doesn't look in great shape either, does he?
You'd have to ask him.
If you know anything, it's now or never.
After that, it's too late.
You're not even telling me why I'm here?
A robbery's been reported in Nanterre.
An armored car and it's all kicking off.
Get moving.
Morlighem and Vachewski are waiting for you in the car park.
Sorry, but they pay us to do this, too.
- Roxane?
- Too much on her plate. 
Move it!
Shit, why's that bastard here?
"They stolen a police car"
"passing Directorate of Defense."
What the hell are they doing here?
!
Brake, dammit!
- Get out the way!
- Brake!
You, okay?
Look who it is...
Fucking Vanderbeke.
For him to show up, he must have it in for us.
I hearing lots about you, these days, Caplan.
Just good things, I hope?
You're lucky no bystanders were hurt in this kamikaze operation.
I want your report in the morning.
You'll have it.
- What did he say?
Calm down, everything's fine.
Vogel's sided with Vanderbeke, who's always hated us.
They'll take us down in the end.
If they had proof we'd be long gone.
Helene's backed up your statements.
and the alibis are fine.
And the whore?
How do you know she not change her mind?
You've no more reason to distrust her than myself or Walter.
But if you open up you'll go down with us.
You're the one who shot him, not us.
If I open up now, I'll be fired..
but I might avoid prison.
Do you really believe that?
I believe nothing, but I'm tired of you moaning.
even though you got us into this shit.
It doesn't matter who did what.
We're all in the same boat, and that's that.
Either we stick together, or we all go down.
Now ...
No one's holding a gun to your head, Roxane.
If you want to sing, sing.
But if you do decide to do so, do it now.
Hang on. 
Who's the problem here?
Is it him or me?
It makes no difference if I sing or not.
If I do, I'm a grass, and my career's over.
And if I lie, I cross the line and I'm an accomplice to murder.
Either way, my life will never be the same again.
Here's the research you asked for on Muller.
We didn't kill Benaissa for nothing, anyway.
Whatever. 
Get lost.
Manuel Muller.
He was in the slammer with Benaissa.
That makes sense.
Let's see...
He looks like a scumbag, anyway.
When do we do him?
As soon as possible.
Eddy ...
Get in. 
I need to speak to you.
I took a call from the CID in Argenteuil.
They've found the remains of a Bedford next to the Seine.
There was a body inside, burnt to a cinder.
The skull was shattered by a 11.43 calibre bullet.
Initial examinations suggest, it could be, Farid Benaissa.
Eddy...
I don't care if you took a trip to Argenteuil last night before picking up the whore who gave you your alibi.
That queer, Benaissa, died like the scum he was.
That's what matters.
Now, I just want you you to stop taking me for a fool.
You think you'll find a mic?
Who do you think I am?
It was an accident.
We just wanted him to retract his statement.
to clear Max's name.
But it was pointless.
He died before telling us the truth.
We did get his accomplice's name though.
He's called Muller.
He goes down tomorrow morning.
Just how do you intend to explain the tip-off?
We say our source needs protecting.
Nobody needs to know more.
How's it come to this, Eddy?
- You shouldn't have abandoned us.
I'm not done.
Mr Lornach visited this afternoon,
He wanted to talk about some photos taken on a rather strange evening.
during which you and a sidekick made him perform acts at gun point.
He recognized your voice, in the car park the other day.
when he was with Lemoine.
He said you were using the photos to blackmail him and obtain confidential information about one of his clients.
If his claims are true, you're finished.
Lornach, doesn't mess around.
You're asking for trouble.
He has no proof.
He has suspicions.
That's all he needs to pull strings and start an official investigation.
We've got photos. 
He won't dare.
He knows you're a cop.
When he thought you were yobs, he was afraid.
Now he's got you by the balls You're both bluffing.
I got to go.
I've got an early start.
One last thing ...
Why should I keep quiet about Benaissa?
If you open it, you go down with me:
If I go down, so do you. 
I'll say we acted on your orders.
Good morning.
Good morning.
- Is Manu in?
- Manu who?
- Manuel Muller.
- I don't know him.
- Who are you?
- We're the police.
Are you okay, little man?
Bastard!
Freeze! 
On the floor!
Get on the floor!
Motherfucker!
Come on.
Shut it!
But...
What the ...
What the fuck are you doing!
- Shut up, asshole.
Let me go! 
Let me go!
OK. 
It's good.
Let me go, you motherfucker!
Son of a bitch!
So you did nothing.
Is that correct?
- So, why did you do a runner?
- I was afraid, that's all
Oh yeah, you were afraid.
What were you afraid of?
You and your blundering colleagues.
-You cheeky fucker.
Does this ring any bells?
Her name was Nathalie Monier, 27 years old.
She was 6 months pregnant.
And you and Farid had nothing better to do than fuck her!
Piss off with your photo-montage!
I've never seen the whore!
You're the whore!
Do you hear me?
You're the whore!
And your mother was a whore before you!
Let me go, you motherfucker!
You let them do that?
Not usually, but this time I'd quite happily carry on watching.
Feel free..
to stop them.
You're the new deputy.
You could have waited for the DNA results.
We still don't have proof it was him.
The body in the Bedford has been identified as Farid Benaissa, and the caliber of Muller's gun matches the one that killed Benaissa.
The ballistics report has come in.
That doesn't mean he participated in the rape.
Raping her without a condom, and risking leaving behind his DNA?
And then killing his accomplice but taking care to leave no trace?
It doesn't follow.
Can't we stop going round in circles, chasing our tails.
We could get shot of two losers, solve a rape case and two homicides.
Add all that to the stats table.
What about the other two who helped Benaissa to escape from hospital.
What do we do about them?
We've got two days to get their names out of them.
Hello?
OK. 
I'm on my way.
Carry on without me.
You can get me on the phone.
- Do we know who did this?
- There were three youths.
That's all we know.
Do you have any descriptions?
People are too afraid.
They won't say a thing.
Get together the things you need and I'll take you somewhere else.
Where else is there?
We've nothing left.
The money you gave me, just covered the funeral costs.
The money's not a problem, Helene.
Is that so?
Walter, my friend,
You took your time.
Get out.
You've no business here.
Don't speak to me like that.
You might regret it.
Leave the gun.
You'll only need it if you want to shoot it.
Is that what you want?
- How about a drink?
- I only drink with friends.
You're already screwing me. 
Don't reduce me to asking for what you owe.
I need time.
I've already told you that.
We have a saying that goes like this:...
"Man does not control time..
Time controls man".
The time has come, pal You've got to pay.
Tomorrow night, you know where.
Otherwise there'll be bloodshed.
Piss off.
Catherine ...
I'm sorry.
Are you gambling again?
This can't go on.
Do you understand?
Come here....
Daddy's here...
Everything's okay...
Don't cry....
Remember me, motherfucker?
- Yeah ... go fuck yourself!
Listen to me.
I can let the gun go..
but taking the money was a bad idea.
When someone fucks me, I really like to enjoy it.
Who grassed me up?
.
Your mother, asshole!
The next one will be in your eye.
I'll ask once more:
who grassed me up?
It was your lawyer, Lornach!
Lornach!
I took it.
It's still there.
I couldn't touch it.
I've fucked up, Eddy.
I owe money, and if I don't pay tonight, I'm dead.
How much?
Thirty thousand.
I was going to take an advance... then I remembered Helene.
Who do you owe?
Frank and Teddy Hoffman.
You gambling again?
It was to keep Catherine at home.
If she goes back to hospital, she'll lose the will to live.
What are you doing?
We're going to solve your problem.
Hi.
What's this?
It's 89% pure.
With the money, it easily covers my debt.
Who's she?
Your new girlfriend?
Is that okay?
It's all we've got.
Shut your mouth, woman.
That's the stuff.
Where did you get it?
If anyone asks you ...
How much for the rest?
I'm here to pay my debt, not to do business with you.
You're wrong.
Stuff this good is priceless.
So come on:
"How much?"
I'm a cop, not dealer.
As you wish.
Your pal stays here while you go for more.
How much can you bring me?
That's the lot. 
This is from the drug squad's safe.
I'm sure you'll find more if you look.
What if I don't?
Okay.
I want an advance.
He's the advance.
It's his life in return for the gear.
Try anything and he dies.
- Really?
- Yeah.
You'd kill a cop?
It wouldn't be the first time.
Go on, piss off.
If you want to kill him?
Kill him now.
I'm going nowhere, motherfucker.
Go fuck yourself!
Walter!
Are you, okay?
It's okay.
It's in the vest.
Oh, shit!
We've got to get out of here.
The whole area will have heard that.
Come on.
What's up?
Nothing.
Nothing.

Earl, I need you to drive over to joy's
And punch her in the face.
I don't think that's a good idea, randy.
Are you saying that because it's a great idea?
She did it again,
Didn't she?
Uh-huh.
And it was a real fancy bird.
(sam the sham and the pharaohs' "wooly bully" begins)
Earl:
randy had invested a lot
Of his time and my money into the crab shack claw machine.
I won a horse!
Who won a horse?
But, thanks to joy,
He didn't have much to show for it.
I won a spider!
I will take that.
Thank you.
¶ and a wooly jaw, wool bully... ¶
I won a bird dressed up for a wedding!
And you're not getting it.
¶ wooly bully ¶
Catch.
(gasps)
(toy squeaks, joy laughs)
¶ watch it now, watch it ¶
¶ you got it, you got it. ¶
(sobbing)
Randy, you're 32 years old.
I can't protect you from your bullies forever.
You need to learn to stick up for yourself.
Joy's not going anywhere.
She's a part of our lives.
Man!
I'm always going to regret giving her that heimlich.
I mean, first she sued me and now this?
!
Look, I know I go overboard looking out for you,
But I'm not doing it anymore.
And while we're at it,
I'm not kissing your boo-boos anymore, either.
It's getting awkward.
Even when we're alone?
Especially when we're alone.
You know the kind of guy who does nothing
But bad things and then wonders why his life sucks?
Well, that was me.
(shutter clicks)
Every time something good happened to me,
Something bad was always waiting around the corner.
Karma.
That's when I realized I had to change.
So I made a list of everything bad I've ever done,
And one by one, I'm going
To make up for all my mistakes.
I'm just trying to be a better person.
Captioning sponsored by 20th century fox television
And volkswagen.
It's what the people want.
Earl:
while randy was bummed
Because joy kept taking his claw machine toys,
I was kind of happy (sighs loudly) 'cause it reminded me of something on my list.
(hums loudly)
Randy, this tantrum is getting out of control.
Here we go.
"#32: bullied wally panzer."
When I was in the eighth grade,
My parents made a last-ditch effort to fix me:
Catholic school.
I knew that the new kid at school usually got picked on
Unless there was someone lower on the totem pole than him.
So I decided to make that happen.
(screams)
That kid loves butterflies.
And he hates when they die!
(continues screaming) wally panzer.
More like wally pansy.
And once I smelled blood in the water, I didn't let up.
Hey, everyone, look.
It's pant-less pansy.
But, like most things in life,
I pushed it too far.
Even thought I got kicked out, my legacy lived on.
Wally wasn't hard to find,
Since if you hadn't left camden by grade school,
Odds are you weren't leaving camden at all.
Okay, the way I remember it,
This guy was pretty delicate as a kid,
So try to be as friendly as possible.
I don't want to spook him.
(sighs)
What do you want?
Uh, are you, uh, w-wally panzer?
Yeah. 
Who are you?
Cliff.
You here about my ad in the penny saver?
Mm-hmm.
Awesome!
I hope you're ready for some pain.
I'm going to get my belt.
Man, you must be scared.
You forgot your name.
I didn't forget my name, randy.
I just don't want him to know who I am.
Why is he getting his belt?
That's what dad used to say.
Are we going to get spanked?
!
I guess it depends on what's in his ad.
Why didn't you just tell him why you're here?
Because, if I tell him who I am, he'll probably kill me.
I'm going to have to try to cross him of the list
Without him ever knowing who I am.
We're just going to have to take our chances with the ad.
What if his ad is sex?
I hope it's not sex.
(door opens)
All right.
You guys ready to pump?
Oh, god!
He does want to have sex with us.
"us"? 
You.
Cliff answered the ad.
Come on.
Let's hit the gym.
(sighs)
We're going to work out together.
Awesome.
I hope this gym has group showers
Like the ones we had at school.
I want to show everybody I have hair now.
I wasn't sure how karma was going to feel about me lying.
But it turns out, karma already had a plan in motion.
To torture me the way I'd tortured wally.
What the hell'd you do that for?
!
To get us pumped!
Come on, cliff. 
Hit me back.
Go ahead.
Good.
(grunts)
Wally was so hard-core,
He'd already broken three partners before me.
Come on, cliff. 
Push it!
You can do it.
Two more!
It's all you.
How about a little less me and a little more you?
Here we go.
It slipped.
I'll get it.
Come on.
What do you say we take a quick break?
So I figured if I got big and strong,
My bully would leave me alone.
How long do I have to bounce on this thing
Before I look like you guys?
If you want to really get ripped,
You got to work with some free weights.
Good, 'cause I don't have any money.
Don't worry, man.
We'll buff you out.
So, uh, how big is your bully?
About this tall,
This wide and...
About a 32c.
Wait. 
Your bully's a girl?
A really tough girl.
32c.
Dude, if your bully's a girl,
It's not about how big you are.
It's about confidence.
What you need
Is 100% pure shark adrenaline.
It'll turn you into a beast!
You'll destroy
Everyone and everything that gets in your way.
Especially baby seals.
Mmm, man, what I wouldn't give
For a baby seal right now.
(both grunt) cool.
So what's it taste like?
The drugs, not the baby seal.
I know what those taste like.
Oh, you don't
Drink this;
you inject it into your scrotum.
Yeah...
(screams)
Oh, my god!
That's my scrotum?
!
(screams)
(groans, grunts)
Mr. Camden, huh?
Pretty big deal.
I was there when mr. 
Camden 1998 cut the ribbon
At the opening ceremony of the new welfare office.
Me and my brother were third in line.
Eh, the mr. 
Camden competition is stupid.
"stupid"? 
Really?
Look at all this stuff you could win.
You could get a month's worth
Of something called "dvd rentals,
"an office-quality paper shredder,
"and a gift certificate for all-you-can eat sushi
From sensei yum-yums."
Okay, fine.
Yes, of course I want to win.
It's always been a dream of mine.
But there's just some stuff I'm not willing to do.
Wally told me competing in mr. 
Camden
Involved a lot of things other than just muscles.
You were expected to shave everything
That wasn't covered by tiny pants,
Have a head-to-toe tan
And oil yourself like a catcher's mitt.
And wally wasn't into that stuff.
(grunting)
I don't care if that contest comes with a talking pet monkey.
It ain't worth turning myself into a pansy!
I knew something was wrong 'cause no man would turn down a talking pet monkey.
Then I realized me calling wally a "pansy"
When we were kids was stopping him
From trying to be mr. 
Camden.
Randy, you're not going to believe what just happened.
I was just going to say the same thing.
I know how I can cross wally off my list.
I'm going to help him get over his fear,
So he can win the mr. 
Camden competition.
See you later, buddy.
I just got a shot in my balls.
Look, I've been thinking,
You're the biggest, strongest guy I've ever seen.
You should be mr. 
Camden.
It just makes sense, like how the biggest,
Strongest peanut became mr. 
Peanut.
What?
It's true.
Don't you ever read the jar?
Cliff, dudes like me and you,
We don't do all that pansy stuff.
We wear flannel.
We have body hair.
We really like soups that are so hearty you eat them with a fork.
Are you kidding?
I'm totally going to do
All that bodybuilder stuff, as soon as I'm ripped like you.
Why do you think I was looking for a training partner?
I don't know, cliff.
Come on.
We'll do it together.
Two men shaving, tanning,
Oiling each other up...
We won't talk about it.
We'll just do it.
All right.
If a man's man like you can do it,
Then I guess I can, too.
Hot damn!
I'm going to be mr. 
Camden.
Let's get psyched.
(screams)
Good. 
Good.
Uh, could we work out, uh, some kind of signal
Before you do that?
Just like marcus and kyle had promised,
That shark adrenaline was starting
To affect randy's attitude.
Hand over the floppy puppy.
You're not getting my floppy puppy.
Give me the floppy puppy.
No! 
Mine! 
Mine!
Kill her! 
Kill her!
I know a guy who can make any death look like a suicide.
(growls)
Keep the stupid dog.
Big baby.
I did it! 
Victory!
I got my floppy puppy!
But I had to burn through my week's supply
Of that shark's adrenaline.
I'm going to need more.
Well, kyle should be back from...
Now!
To help wally win the mr. 
Camden title,
I was going to have to do some things
That made me uncomfortable.
Smooth, but uncomfortable.
I don't know.
This doesn't feel right.
Come on.
It's perfectly manly to do this.
And these lady razors are exactly like the men's.
They're just a little more flexible
To move with the contours of our legs.
Okay.
It looked like
I had wally on the road to becoming mr. 
Camden.
I just didn't know trouble was coming around the corner.
Bros, what the hell?
!
Relax, randy, we're just shaving for the competition.
What are you competing for, who gets to be on the bottom?
Pansies.
What's he talking about?
Tell him, cliff.
We're not pansies!
"cliff"?
You still sticking
With that name?
You haven't told him
Who you really are?
What are you talking about, randy?
I-I-I am who I am.
I'm cliff.
Man, I don't know
Which one of you's a bigger pansy:
Wally, for actually being a pansy,
Or you for being too afraid to tell him
Your real name... 
Earl.
Wait a minute.
"earl"?
"pansy"?
Earl hickey?
I-I-I-I guess cliff is more of a nickname.
But-but look, I can explain.
I always dreamed I'd run into you again.
Earl hickey.
I-I dream about stuff, too.
(yelps)
I'm glad you're here.
You can clean up my splatter, lady legs.
Randy, what the hell's gotten into you?
Shark adrenaline-- that's what's gotten into me
And I love it!
(knocking)
(screams)
(screaming)
Damn it, earl!
Open this door!
J-just give me a second.
Let me at least get my jeans on.
I don't want to die in my underpants!
Unlock it, earl.
Take the medicine like a man.
No way!
Why is your pee blue?
(screams):
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
(crashing)
(grunting)
I'm really sorry!
I got a list!
It's a karma list.
It's really hard to explain.
I was just trying to help.
By making me look like a pansy?
No!
(wally grunts)
(groans)
Eh, fella, you want to party?
I'm not sharing mine.
Randy:
what the hell
Are you doing, jerk?
!
This was my favorite wall!
Randy, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
I wanted to get things under control
Before they got too crazy.
¶ keep your eyes on the road... ¶
(grunting)
(both grunting)
You take back what you said!
(grunts):
thanks!
You just released more shark juice from my scrote!
No, no, no! 
No, randy!
(screams)
Randy, you got to stop this
Before you get...
Wally, hold on!
I'm trying to... (screams)
Cut it out!
¶ all night long... ¶
It was no fun being
In the middle of two monsters.
But they were monsters I had created.
Randy!
I created one by telling him to stand up for himself
And the other by pushing him down.
(honking)
Sam, I'm going around back to grab some ice.
You mind watching the bar for a second?
Who's a pansy now? 
Huh?
(grunting)
(thudding)
¶ all night long. ¶
What the...?
There was only one thing that could distract randy
From fighting with wally.
The return of his original bully, joy.
She got my babies!
Sam, may we have a word?
It took me 20 minutes to get to my car,
But I knew I had to do whatever it took
To stop randy before he killed somebody.
And I wasn't the only one looking for him.
Wally was also following the path to destruction.
Hey! 
Where's the guy who did this?
(grunting)
I should've guessed that path to destruction would only
Lead to one place.
So I told that teacher,
"I'm glad my son's flunking spanish."
Frankly, I'd be disappointed if he wasn't.
Oh, god.
I want my claw machine toys!
All of 'em!
Including the ones you took today!
Eugenia, call the police right now.
I'm at...
I'll get you a bag.
Randy was happy he got all of his toys.
Well, except for one.
(penguin squeaks)
Give me that bird dressed for a wedding.
Hey, uncle randy.
I said I want my dressed-up birdie, punk.
But it's mine.
Mommy got it for me yesterday.
Give me that dressed-up birdie!
(squeaking)
Though nothing had stopped this monster so far,
There was one thing he wasn't prepared for.
(sobbing)
Even though the shark adrenaline
Had completely taken over his brain, there was still
One thing that could get through to the old randy:
The cry of a bullied child,
Especially since this time, he was the bully.
(sobbing)
Oh, my god, what am I doing?
But when I came around that corner,
All I saw was a juiced-up maniac
Heading right for a kid.
(randy screaming)
(grunts, toy squeaks)
Sorry, buddy.
You turned into a monster.
But it wasn't your fault, though.
I pushed you to be a tough guy and stand up to joy,
But you're not a tough guy.
You're a sweet, gentle, sensitive guy.
I shouldn't have made you change.
Being sweet and sensitive is a good thing.
Randy?
Randy didn't hear me
Since his brain was kind of swollen
At the time, but my words did have an effect on someone.
You know what, earl?
I used to be sensitive, too.
Wally had been sensitive,
But I made him ashamed of it back when we were kids.
I'm sorry, wally.
I should've never bullied that out of you.
Something about what I said
Made wally realize that you might be able
To change how you look on the outside,
But you can't change who you are on the inside.
No matter how big and strong
Wally made his outer shell, he couldn't change
The sweetness inside he was trying to protect.
And wally was finally ready to embrace
Both of those people:
the bodybuilder
And the little kid who loves butterflies.
And like a butterfly, wally finally came out
Of his cocoon and became the person he was meant to be.
(cheering and applause)
¶ ¶
(grunting)
(grunting)
Sorry again.
For what?
Oh, hitting me with the car?
That's okay.
Hey, earl?
Yeah, randy?
You think kryptonite works on people who aren't superman?
I don't know.
Probably not.
What about garlic?
That only works on vampires.
Apples?
I'm pretty sure that's only for doctors.
What are you trying to keep away?
Joy.
Try hummus.
Thanks, earl.
Good night, randy.
Good night, earl.
Captioned by apit9

Earl, I need you to drive over toJoy's and punch her in the face.
I don't think that's a good idea, Randy.
Are you sayin' that because it's a great idea?
- She did it again, didn't she?
- Uh-huh.
And it was a real fancy bird.
[Earl Narrating] Randy had invested a lot ofhis time and my money... into the Crab Shack claw machine.
- I won a horse!
- Who won a horse?
- # Mattie told Hattie # 
- But thanks toJoy, he didn't have much to show for it.
# About a thing she saw #
- I won a spider!
- I will take that. 
Thank you.
# And a woolyjaw Wooly bully #
I won a bird dressed up for a wedding.
You're not gettin' it.
- # Wooly bully # 
- Catch.
- # Wooly bully # - [Joy Laughing]
# Woolly bully Watch it now, watch it #
- # You got it You got it ## - [Crying]
Randy, you're 32 years old.
I can't protect you from your bullies forever.
You need to learn to stick up for yourself.
Joy's not goin' anywhere.
- She's part of our lives.
- Man!
I'm always gonna regret giving' her that Heimlich.
I mean, first she sued me, and now this?
Look, I know I go overboard lookin' out for you... but I'm not doin' it anymore.
And while we're at it, I'm not kissin' your boo-boos anymore either.
- It's gettin' awkward.
- Even when we're alone?
Especially when we're alone.
You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things... and then wonders why his life sucks?
Well, that was me. 
Every time somethin'good happened to me... somethin'bad was always waitin' around the corner.
Karma.
That's when I realized I had to change.
So I made a list of everything bad I've ever done... and, one by one, I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes.
I'm just tryin'to be a better person.
My name is Earl.
[Earl Narrating] While Randy was bummed... becauseJoy kept takin' his claw machine toys, I was kinda happy...
- 'cause it reminded me of something on my list.
- [Randy] Hmmm.
Hmmm.
Randy, this tantrum is gettin' out of control.
Here we go. 
Number 32- bullied Wally Panzer.
[Earl Narrating] When I was in the eighth grade... my parents made a last-ditch effort to fix me
- Catholic school.
I knew that the new kid at school usually got picked on... unless there was someone lower on the totem pole than him... so I decided to make that happen.
[Grunts]
[Screaming]
That kid loves butterflies.
And he hates when they die.
Wally Panzer? 
More like Wally Pansy.
[Earl Narrating] And once I smelled blood in the water...
I didn't let up.
- [Laughing] 
- Hey, everyone, look.
It's Pants-less Pansy.
[Earl Narrating] But, like most things in life, I pushed it too far.
- [Chanting] Pansy! 
Pansy! 
Pansy!
- Even though I got kicked out... my legacy lived on.
Wally wasn't hard to find since if you hadn't left Camden by grade school... odds are you weren't leaving Camden at all.
Okay, the way I remember it, this guy was pretty delicate as a kid... so try to be as friendly as possible.
I don't want to spook him.
- What do you want?
- Uh, are you, uh, Wally Panzer?
Yeah. 
Who are you?
- Cliff.
- You here about my ad in The PennySaver?
- Mm-hmm.
- Awesome.
I hope you're ready for some pain.
I'm gonna get my belt.
Man, you must be scared.
You forgot your name.
I didn't forget my name, Randy.
I just don't want him to know who I am.
Why is he gettin' his belt?
That's what Dad used to say.
Are we gonna get spanked?
I guess it depends on what's in his ad.
Why don't you just tell him why you're here?
Because if I tell him who I am, he'll probably kill me.
I'm gonna have to try to cross him off the list... without him ever knowing' who I am.
We're just gonna have to take our chances with the ad.
- What if his ad is sex?
- I hope it's not sex.
All right. 
You guys ready to pump?
Oh, God. 
He does want to have sex with us.
"Us"? 
You. 
Cliff answered the ad.
Come on. 
Let's hit the gym.
Ahhh. 
We're gonna work out together.
Awesome. 
I hope this gym has group showers like the ones we had at school.
I want to show everybody I have hair now.
[Earl Narrating] I wasn't sure how karma was gonna feel about me lyin'... but it turns out karma already had a plan in motion-
to torture me the way I tortured Wally.
What the hell'd you do that for?
To get us pumped!
Come on, Cliff. 
Hit me back.
Go ahead.
Good.
[Grunts]
Wally was so hard-core, he'd already broken three partners before me.
Come on, Cliff. 
Push it.
You can do it. 
Two more. 
It's all you.
How about a little less me and- [Spits] a little more you?
- Here we go.
- [Groans]
It slipped. 
I'll get it.
- Come on.
- What do you say we take a quick break?
So I figured if I got big and strong... my bully would leave me alone.
How long do I have to bounce on this thing before I look like you guys?
You wanna really get ripped, you gotta work with some free weights.
Good. 'Cause I don't have any money.
Don't worry, man. 
We'll buff you out.
[Chuckles] So, uh, how big is your bully?
About this tall... this wide and... about a 32 "C."
Wait. 
Your bully's a girl?
Really tough girl- 32 "C."
Dude, if your bully's a girl, it's not about how big you are.
It's about confidence.
What you need is 100% pure shark adrenaline. 
It'll turn you into a beast.
You'll destroy everyone and everything that gets in your way.
Especially baby seals.
Mmm, man. 
What I wouldn't give for a baby seal right now.
- [Grunts] 
- Cool. 
So what's it taste like?
Uh, the drugs, not the baby seal.
I know what those taste like.
Oh, you don't drink this.
You inject it into your scrotum.
Yeah.
[Screaming] Oh, my God!
That's my scrotum?
[Screams]
[Groaning]
[Earl] Mr. Camden, huh?
Pretty big deal.
I was there when Mr. Camden 1998 cut the ribbon... at the opening ceremony of the new welfare office.
Me and my brother were third in line.
Ah, the Mr. Camden competition is stupid.
Stupid? 
Really?
Look at all this stuff you can win.
You could get a month's worth of somethin' called DVD rentals... an office-quality paper shredder... and a gift certificate for all you can eat sushi... from Sensei Yum Yum's.
Okay, fine. 
Yes, of course I wanna win.
It's always been a dream of mine.
But there's just some stuff I'm not willin' to do.
[Earl Narrating] Wally told me competing'in Mr. Camden...
- involved a lot of things other than just muscles.
- [Crowd Cheering]
You were expected to shave everything that wasn't covered by tiny pants... have a head-to-toe tan... and oil yourselflike a catcher's mitt... and Wally wasn't into that stuff
[Roaring]
I don't care if that contest comes with a talking pet monkey.
It ain't worth turning' myself into a pansy.
I knew something was wrong, 'cause no man would turn down a talking pet monkey.
Then I realized
- Me callin' Wally a pansy when we were kids... was stoppin'him from trying to be Mr. Camden.
Randy, you're not gonna believe what just happened.
I was just gonna say the same thing.
I know how I can cross Wally off my list.
I'm gonna help him get over his fear so he can win the Mr. Camden competition.
See ya later, buddy.
I just got a shot in my balls.
Look, I've been thinkin'.
You're the biggest, strongest guy I've ever seen. 
You should be Mr. Camden.
It just makes sense, like how the biggest, strongest peanut became Mr. Peanut.
- What?
- It's true. 
Don't you ever read the jar?
Cliff, dudes like me and you- We don't do all that pansy stuff.
We wear flannel. 
We have body hair.
We really like soups that are so hearty, you eat them with a fork.
Are you kiddin'? 
I'm totally gonna do all that bodybuilder stuff... as soon as I'm ripped like you.
Why do you think I was lookin' for a training partner?
I don't know, Cliff.
Come on. 
W-We'll do it together.
Two men shaving', tannin', oiling' each other up.
We won't talk about it. 
We'll just do it.
All right.
If a man's man like you can do it, then I guess I can too.
Hot damn. 
I'm gonna be Mr. Camden.
Let's get psyched.
[Groans]
Good. 
Good.
Uh, could we work out some kinda signal before you do that?
[Earl Narrating] Just like Marcus and Kyle had promised... that shark adrenaline was starting to affect Randy's attitude.
Hand over the floppy puppy.
- You're not gettin' my floppy puppy.
- Gimme the floppy puppy.
No. 
Mine!
[Guttural Voice] Mine!
Kill her. 
Kill her. 
I know a guy who can make any death look like a suicide.
[Snarls]
- [Growling] 
- Fine! 
Keep the stupid dog.
Big baby.
I did it! 
Victory.
I got my floppy puppy.
But I had to burn through my week's supply of that shark adrenaline.
- I'm gonna need more.
- Well, Kyle should be back from-
[Guttural Voice] Now.
[Earl Narrating] To help Wally win the Mr. Camden title...
I was gonna have to do some things that made me uncomfortable- smooth, but uncomfortable.
I don't know. 
This doesn't feel right.
Come on. 
It's perfectly manly to do this.
And these lady razors are exactly like the men's.
They'rejust a little more flexible... to move with the contours of our legs.
- Okay.
- [Earl Narrating] It looked like I had Wally... on the road to becoming Mr. Camden.
I just didn't know trouble was comin'around the corner.
[Gasps]
Bros! 
What the hell?
Relax, Randy. 
We're just shaving' for the competition.
What are you competing' for, who gets to be on the bottom? 
Pansies.
What's he talkin' about?
Tell him, Cliff. 
We're not pansies.
"Cliff"? 
You still stickin' with that name?
You haven't told him who you really are?
Wh-Wh-What are you talkin' about, Randy?
l-I am who I am. 
I'm Cliff.
Man, I don't know which one of you is a bigger pansy-
Wally for actually bein' a pansy... or you for bein' too afraid to tell him your real name...
Earl.
- Wait a minute. 
Earl?
- [Door Closes]
Pansy?
Earl Hickey?
[Stammering] I guess Cliff is more-more of a nickname.
But-But look, I can explain.
I always dreamed I'd run into you again, Earl Hickey.
l-I dream about stuff too.
[Squeals]
I'm glad you're here.
You can clean up my splatter, lady legs.
- Randy, what the hell has gotten into you?
- Shark adrenaline.
- That's what's gotten into me, and I love it.
- [Pounding]
- [Screams] - [Growling]
- [Screaming] 
- Damn it, Earl. 
Open this door.
Well, just, uh-Just give me a second.
Let me at least get my jeans on.
I don't wanna die in my underpants.
Unlock it, Earl.
Take your medicine like a man.
[High-pitched Voice] No way. 
What? 
You pee blue.
Aaah! 
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
- Aaah!
- [Clattering]
[Groans] I'm really sorry. 
I got a list.
- [Grunts] 
- It's a karma list. 
It's really hard to explain.
- I was just trying to help.
- By making me look like a pansy?
- [Squealing] No!
- [Grunts]
Hey, fella, you wanna party?
I'm not sharin' mine.
What the hell are you doin', jerk?
This was my favorite wall.
Randy, no, no, no, no, no.
[Earl Narrating] I wanted to get things under control before they got too crazy.
# Keep your eyes on the road #
- # Your hands upon the wheel # - [Roars]
# Keep your eyes on the road #
# Your hands upon the wheel #
- You take back what you said.
- # We're goin'to the roadhouse #
- [Groans] - # We're gonna have a real good time #
Aaah! 
Thanks. 
You just released more shark juice from my scrote.
- [Groans] 
- No, no, no, no! 
No, Randy.
- [Bellows] - [Screams]
Randy, you gotta stop this before you get-
[Grunts] Wally, hold on. 
I'm tryin' to-
[Groaning]
Cut it out, spaz!
- [Groans] - # Let it roll #
# All night long #
[Earl Narrating] It was no fun being in the middle of two monsters...
- but they were monsters I had created.
- Randy!
I created one by telling him to stand up for himself... and the other by pushing him down.
[Groaning, Grunting]
[Horn Honking]
Sam, I'm goin' around back to grab some ice.
You mind watching the bar for a second?
[Snarling]
- # Well, I woke up this mornin'# 
- Who's a pansy now, huh?
- # I got myself a beer# 
- Okay, come on.
[Roars]
# Well, I woke up this morning #
- # And I got myself a beer# - [Snarling]
# The future's uncertain And the end is always near#
[Grunting]
# Let it roll, baby, roll #
# Let it roll, baby, roll #
# Let it roll, baby, roll #
# Let it roll #
Aaah!
- # All night long ## 
- What the-
[Earl Narrating] There was only one thing that could distract Randy... from fightin'with Wally-
the return ofhis original bully, Joy.
She got my babies!
[Grunting]
Sam, may we have a word?
[Earl Narrating] It took me 20 minutes to get into my car... but I knew I had to do whatever it took to stop Randy before he killed somebody... and I wasn't the only one lookin'for him.
Wally was also following the path of destruction.
- Hey! 
Where's the guy who did this?
- [Muffled]
I should have guessed that path of destruction would only lead to one place.
So I told that teacher, "I'm glad my son's flunking' Spanish.
Frankly, I'd be disappointed if he wasn't."
- Oh, God.
- I want my claw machine toys.
All of'em, including the ones you took today.
Eugenia, call the police right now. 
I'm at-
I'll get you a bag.
[Earl Narrating] Randy was happy he got all ofhis toys  well, except for one.
- [Squeaking]
Give me that bird dressed for a wedding.
- Hey, Uncle Randy.
- I said I want my dressed-up birdie, punk.
- But it's mine. 
Mommy got it for me yesterday.
- Gimme that dressed-up birdie!
[Squeaks]
[Earl Narrating] Though nothin'had stopped this monster so far  [Sobbing] - there was one thing he wasn't prepared for.
Even though the shark adrenaline had completely taken over his brain... there was still one thing that could get through to the old Randy:
the cry of a bullied child... especially since this time he was the bully.
Oh, my God. 
What am I doin'?
But when I came around that corner... all I saw was a juiced-up maniac heading'right for a kid.
[Yelling, Groaning]
Sorry, buddy, but- [Panting] you turned into a monster.
But it wasn't your fault though.
I pushed you to be a tough guy and stand up toJoy... but you're not a tough guy.
You're a sweet, gentle, sensitive guy.
I
- I shouldn't have made you change.
Bein' sweet and sensitive is a good thing. 
Randy?
[Earl Narrating] Randy didn't hear me since his brain was kinda swollen at the time... but my words did have an effect on someone.
You know what, Earl?
I used to be sensitive too.
Wally had been sensitive, but I made him ashamed of it back when we were kids.
I'm sorry, Wally.
I should have never bullied that out of you.
Something about what I said made Wally realize... that you might be able to change how you look on the outside  [Crowd Cheering, Clapping] - but you can't change who you are on the inside.
No matter how big and strong Wally made his outer shell... he couldn't change the sweetness inside he was trying to protect.
And Wally was finally ready to embrace both of those people- the bodybuilder and the little kid who loved butterflies.
And, like a butterfly, Wally finally came out ofhis cocoon... and became the person he was meant to be.
[Grunts]
[Grunts]
[Exhales]
[Grunts]
- [Snorts] 
- Sorry again.
For what?
Oh, hittin' me with the car?
That's okay.
- Hey, Earl?
- Yeah, Randy?
Do you think kryptonite works on people who aren't Superman?
I don't know. 
Probably not.
- What about garlic?
- That only works on vampires.
- Apples?
- Pretty sure that's only for doctors.
- Who you tryin' to keep away?
- Joy.
- Try hummus.
- Thanks, Earl.
Good night, Randy.
Good night, Earl.

Come inside.
Come on in, boys.
- The crowd's waiting outside unity hall 
- It's on.
like it wasn't nearly freezing temperatures.
It feels like the only one not here yet is the man himself.
- Is he doing the God thing?
- Oh, I hope not.
God's not popular right now.
He doesn't care.
He likes God.
And God likes him.
Detail!
He's here.
The king approaches.
Sir, I'd feel much better about this if I could see your speech first.
Stop asking.
- Where's Reverend Samuels?
- Reverend Samuels isn't here yet.
Not like him to miss a crowd.
- We'll just have to start without him.
- He's supposed to give the benediction.
We could hold for another 15 minutes.
It's cold out there.
The people are cheering.
We'll have my son do it.
You're not gonna be warm enough.
You have the entire country listening, and you choose today not to let me see your speech?
I'd love to...
If I'd written one.
- He didn't write a speech.
- It'll come.
It's not popular to speak of God.
But I do so now and publicly because I feel blessed.
I am... blessed.
I look at this city that we built through industry, through ingenuity, through war and sacrifice, and I feel that blessing.
This city is the dream of a half-century, and this morning... we bring that dream into the day.
We have built Shiloh.
There's no surprise.
I knew this day would come.
I knew this land, these territories, once at war, factions fractured, were meant to be one nation,
together... at peace.
When I first looked out at the ruins that would become Shiloh,  there was nothing. 
Ashes.
An empty shell of a city bombed ten times over by three armies.
But I looked... and my eyes opened... and I saw unity hall, right here as it stands today...
Pay attention, boys.
Your father died fighting for this.
- I looked and I saw people...
- Damn fool.
former enemies working together... rebuilding
- I'll get it.
- I saw hospitals, streets, traffic, jewelry shops, Police Station.
Rude, old men stealing your cab.
Trucks selling 50 different kinds of ice cream.
Someone's pulling into the shop.
... was here already.
Under one flag, united.
Under one king... strong.
Morning.
- Are you Jessie?
- My mom.
Didn't you get a name?
What's the problem?
The car. 
It used to work, and then it stopped.
We've got the ceremony on inside if you wanna watch it.
You look like you know what you're doing.
My dad taught me.
Is he around?
He died in the war.
You need a new hose.
Will that take long?
A new one would.
The dead has arisen. 
Look at you.
- It was just a cracked hose.
- To me that was a broken car.
You have a little something on you.
Here.
- I can't charge you for that.
- It's your time I owe you for.
I'll meet you halfway.
This broken thing has been in my pocket for the last six months.
Should've taken it to a shop, but... if you can fix it, you deserve it.
- Thank you, sir.
- You are very polite, David.
It's the way I was raised.
Do something about that before you grow up.
And that's when they came.
I felt a shadow above me.
I looked up and saw a great swarm of butterflies.
And they circled around me like leaves in a storm, floating, soft.
Soft landing upon my head like a crown, a living crown.
God's signal... to begin.
I pray... as I take my seat in this great new capital, to be worthy of his anointment and of your trust.
Like the king himself, who rose from meager beginnings as a soldier to a monarch beloved by his kingdom, the new capital at Shiloh has risen up from the wreckage of war, and become a beacon of hope for our people.
There you go, boys.
Our taxes went into rebuilding that full city for twenty years.
At least you'll be able to tell your grandkids, "I saw it happen."
Except for David.
He missed it.
- Who was in the shop, anyways?
- Reverend Samuels.
- Who wants pancakes?
- I do. 
I'm starving.
The only dark clouds on this day are reports of tension in the north.
Fears that border disputes with Gath could escalate.
Certainly king Silas, veteran of the unification wars himself, will do what he can to prevent another war.
Seriously, bro...
I swear, man, you moms makes the best friggin' brownies, man.
What's in these?
Guilt.
Gimme a light.
Easy, killer.
I promised mom I'd take care of you, no smoking.
Damn Goliath.
Every day another round just to remind us we're outgunned.
We're talking about it.
It must be working.
I got a pool going on when you think they'll blow today.
- Actually, it should be any second.
- You don't know that.
- I kinda do.
- It's a different time every day.
- It's a completely random event.
- Any second.
If you weren't my brother I'd think you're a spy.
How'd you know that was gonna happen?
Have another brownie.
You guys hear? 
A squad got pinched.
At Foxland forest.
They got out alone somehow, no air support.
Bastards ambushed them.
- They dead?
- Not all. 
They took hostages.
A platoon was ambushed.
Foxland.
12 dead, 2 hostages.
Over the border.
They go too far...
They'll find I'm willing to meet them and go further.
We don't negotiate for hostages, much as we want to, much as our soldiers deserve it.
War asks the heart to freeze at room temperature.
Send for the families.
It was the 127th.
I'm sorry, sir, it's...
Call the ambassador to Gath.
Get them back. 
Get it done.
You can't.
We don't negotiate for hostages, as you said.
We can't now.
Then what do we do?
No one goes after the hostages.
We don't need any more losses.
In the last 18 months, anyone within 200 yards of a Goliath was a loss.
This comes from the top.
- Anyone on the move?
- How do you walk quiet, Shep?
- What are you doing at here?
- Nothing.
Anything moving out there?
No, a tank on 5-ko rolled to 50 yards off the ditch.
I thought I saw a shelter go up.
- Dude... what are you doing?
- I can't run in these.
You think it's them?
The hostages?
I don't know.
I just have a feeling.
They could be hiding 'em behind the tanks, but... they'll court-marshal you for this.
- If you live that long.
- Don't worry.
- I'm calling your brother, man.
- Don't.
He'll just try and stop me.
Give me a wrench.
What are you gonna do, change their oil?
Slowly.
Okay, okay.
Wait, wait, wait.
Okay, come on.
Come on.
Stay with me. 
Stay with me.
Come on, come on.
Get up.
Come on.
I'll cover.
- Can you get him to lookout?
- I think so.
He's getting up.
You seeing this?
You dumb son of a...
If you'd have died, I'd...
- What's this?
- It's your court-martial.
Shepherd!
You were given an order.
How is he?
A cut to the head and a scar to remember it by, but he'll be fine.
That's Jack Benjamin.
You saved the King's son.
Ice trucks.
It means fish tonight.
Probably king salmon, given the season.
No, it doesn't mean fish.
- Then what?
- Lamb.
It's a hero's welcome.
Heroes get red meat.
I'd do with a nice pistachio crust, if asked.
No chance.
Queen Rose hates lamb.
Ever since she spent her summers on her uncle's farm. 
Everyone knows that.
Do they?
Do they know what color panties she picks for Thursdays too?
'day, sirs. 
Names?
David Shepherd.
Here to see...
Here to see everyone, sir.
- That's in the paper?
- No, that's in all the paper, sir.
You're gonna have to settle a bet for us on what's being served for you tonight.
- Tonight?
- You know, at your banquet.
- The menu, ma'am.
- Ah, the menu.
"Squab, herb polenta, arrabiata for the vegetarians."
It's good, good.
It's perfect.
But... take off the lamb.
What about our guest of honor?
Who's making sure he's presentable?
We have Jack on that, ma'am.
- Put someone on Jack.
- Yes, ma'am.
I can't believe you came out tonight.
I mean, you almost died out there.
I didn't.
That calls for more living.
Thomasina.
Oh, my love.
Don't be jealous.
Come, we're meeting Shepherd.
He's coming to court.
- I thought that was tomorrow.
- It is tomorrow.
That used to hang up in my room.
It kept me up at night.
You saved my life.
We can skip all that.
- Besides, you're the darling today.
- Sorry, sir?
I know.
I get taken hostage and almost get killed, and they're throwing you a party.
Mysteries of the palace.
I wish they wouldn't.
I'm not even really sure why I'm here.
Technically so I could give you a tour... an hour ago.
Sorry.
You're here to get shown off, to take a picture with my father, and then get sent back.
Thanks for serving your country.
Is that what you're wearing tonight?
I'll have something of mine sent over.
I think you're taller than me.
I'll send the tailor with it.
- There's a tailor here?
- My father likes suits.
Gath.
Now's the time to make a push forward.
- Take the valley.
- You've been saying for 3 years.
Last presented?
- Perry.
- Sorry. 
June 10th, this year.
Unapproved by you, sir.
"We don't attack, we respond.
"Instigation is Gath's game."
Which is why they're winning.
This war has been a cancer on our economy.
If your valley can get us out, I support it.
We can't extend the border now for the same reason we couldn't in June.
Were outgunned and lack public support.
Polling shows public opinion in favor of aggressive measure since the kidnapping.
- Negatives.
- Could draw an offensive.
- World press would have a field day.
- Reverend won't like it.
Reverend doesn't like anything.
Still thinks I owe him because he swore me in.
They've blasted us from those hills for years.
There's never been a better time to make them stop.
They're demoralized and our troops are chomping at the bit.
They all want to take out a tank now.
Good.
Let them.
Let them.
Push back enough to let Gath know we're done taking punches.
It's time to do something.
Please say that clears the agenda.
There are petitions, sir.
We have four.
Court calls miss Michelle Benjamin, petition on health care.
I think we'll only have time for one.
Sir, you've heard proposals to advance public health care before I know...
Most from you.
Noah Tanner.
Six years old and needs a new heart.
Given the current options, patients like Noah are left to treatments older than his parents.
He needs a new heart as badly as we need reform.
- I've outlined a plan...
- I recall my own daughter treated for childhood illnesses very well by the exact level of care offered to each of our citizens but deemed lacking by you.
Your daughter had advantages many don't.
She had parents of privilege to watch over her day and night.
As they do now when they tell her to move on from an obvious impasse.
Sorry, puppy.
This push on Gath.
Make it loud.
Time to end this damn war.
Write down
"He governed patiently...
"and well,
"then ran home for a shower."
I spend more time on conflicts then I do on tax reforms.
- Why aren't you ready?
- My darn cell phone.
I had it with me on my trip yesterday and I...
I last saw it with my socks.
Your daughter is livid, by the way.
- She spent months on that tax thing.
- Health care.
- Why with your socks?
- So it wouldn't get banged up.
It's my fault.
I should never have trusted anything that important with that new secretary.
Why is it that pretty people are always so bad with details?
King of all I survey, and I still can't find an office chair that doesn't get my back spasms.
You're an old soldier.
Don't complain.
Your pills are on the counter.
I don't like pills.
I'd rather have wine.
Wine makes your eyes droop and you have to look nice for the pictures.
Is this really your first time in the capital?
I missed the eighth grade class trip.
Mono.
Do you have any family here tonight?
Is your dad proud of you?
My dad died fighting in the unification war.
What about your mother?
Is she here?
My mother never really approved of me join the army.
Why is that?
You might've heard about my father.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Shall we?
Start on the left and work our way over.
Now back again.
You handle the hounds well, private.
I have six older brothers.
Have fun.
I'd like a large glass of something really expensive.
Thank you.
We celebrate bravery tonight.
Tonight, I'm as sure of our cause as I was the day we founded our great nation.
And if that idea was over...
Reverend Samuels, it means so much...
Let me get a drink in before asking me for things, would you?
We had little more than hope and a bad idea.
Two key ingredients for global change.
And that's when they came.
Like a... a shadow overhead.
I looked up and... saw a great swarm of butterflies circling above my head like... leaves in a storm.
Soft and landing like... a crown, a living crown on my head.
God's signal to begin.
Still with the butterflies.
Doesn't he ever get tired of that one?
He'll tell it as long as they want to hear it.
And so will you someday.
If it's good enough for the hero, it's more than enough for an old preacher.
The Lord's world is great.
Very, very small.
To the hero who can fix anything.
I don't know if I count as a hero.
What is this?
A man hiding at the bar is a man who doesn't want to be at the party.
I guess I'm just more used to the front.
Take a good look around you.
You... come on.
I had a banquet in your name.
You're drinking a single malt the likes of which God himself only takes out of the cabinet but once a year.
You have your choice of ladies all very interested in your attention.
You like the one in red?
Now your nights will not always be this easy.
Enjoy.
Just watch out for the cameras.
You're not supposed to be playing that.
That piano was a gift to my father from the prime minister of Austeria.
This piano is a Broadwood Grand.
1848.
The same year Liszt wrote this.
Closest I've ever come to one is a picture on the Internet.
You can call security but I'm finishing first.
I thought you were a mechanic.
Wouldn't have pegged you for a musician.
I wouldn't have pegged you for a snitch.
Well they're all looking for you.
Sir, this is Mr. And Mrs. Acharen.
Excuse me.
You know him.
The kid.
I'm not sure if I know anybody anymore.
Speak in riddles, Reverend, you're liable to never get your point across.
So you're going to pretend that I don't know.
About Gath?
I spoke my piece clearly.
The offensive could put an end to this war.
If you're against it, tell it to your flock.
I don't need your permission to defend my country.
Sit.
It's time we spoke plainly, you and I.
Yes, sir.
Plainly doesn't come with "sirs".
Quit it.
I owe you a lot.
More than I can say.
You don't have children, do you?
I'm an uncle.
Then you don't know.
You saved my son's life.
That means I owe you mine.
Just tell me what you want and it's yours.
They already offered me a reward that's way more than I can spend.
You're a young man. 
Smart.
You must have some goals.
I'm a man with position offering you a thank you.
Even if you ask for half my kingdom, as the saying goes.
Well speak up, or you're liable to get a car you can't afford the insurance on.
Half my kingdom it is.
You have no idea how to dance, do you?
Not even a little bit.
You know, this really seemed like a good idea a minute ago.
There are a lot of people watching you right now. 
You know that.
Now, yes.
Very, very clear.
Follow my lead.
I'm sorry about before.
I took my bad day out on you.
Princessing is hard work?
Health reform, actually.
I showed them a way to help people and got told it was inconvenient.
I'm trying to get a six-year-old a new heart.
What?
Happiness suits her, Abner.
Who knew?
Him.
- Yes, sir?
- I'll not forget what he said and when he said it.
- Yes, sir.
- Don't make a show of it.
- And the wife?
- No, no need.
He'll be trouble. 
You watch.
I know the type.
The only way to deal with him is a bullet.
Please, he's an infant.
He's got everyone eating out of his hand.
Cameras are wearing themselves out.
No one's talking about the war.
This court needs a new face to look up to.
We can use him.
Something's here for us.
Good kid, that David.
Perfect timing.
Medium scrambled on whole wheat toast, no butter on pain of death.
A rare full house. 
Eat.
No sign of it, ma'am.
They checked the cars?
And the luggage.
The service is asking for an account of the information on there.
The queen's cell phone.
It's got the email, birthdays, and bad spelling of every person comprising society in this country.
I think they're more concerned with national security.
You know I don't like getting involved with politics.
So come, let's keep looking before they call in the national guard.
It's gotta be somewhere.
Did mom lose her mind and find Thomasina to fix everything, or was it the other way?
Sort of a chicken/egg question.
- The chicken or the egg?
- I was told to come?
Chicken, egg?
Are we still using that expression?
Given the overwhelming evidence in favor of evolutionary theory,
I need to make a royal official declaration.
The answer is roundly an egg.
Not negating God in whom
I trust more than that damned Reverend will ever know.
Just recognizing the change occurs, thank said God, and that the egg would have to have been the natural improvement on whatever near-chicken mother hatched it and discovered that her young was delightfully different from herself.
Evolution is just one of God's many tools, like me.
The only real and lingering question being...
How do you like them, first-come eggs?
Is there something you'd like me to do?
He'd like you to sit and eat.
My father insists on making breakfast.
It makes him feel like his kids are still five.
When you were small... and manageable, and I prefered it that way.
I can't stay long.
I have to report back to base this morning.
No. 
You're not going back to the front.
You've been transferred to Shiloh.
Military liaison to the press office.
The press likes you.
Captain Shepherd.
Captain.
You're an officer now.
Hell of a time to lose your powers of speech.
You're going on air in an hour.
There a problem?
I'm not sure I can answer that without insulting my king.
Your king hears insults with alarming regularity.
I just don't think I'm cut out for the city, sir.
Walter, next time you hear Captain Shepherd call me "sir,"
I want you to take out your sidearm and shoot him.
What have you got against our city?
Well I'd probably have an apartment the size of my dog's shed at home.
And... no one talks about the war here.
My company's fighting just a few hours from here and... it's as if nothing's happening except on TV.
Plus the city sort of smells like trash.
I'm not gonna tell you what to do.
But you... could do good here.
Hope lies in bravery.
We need hope.
Give us a shot.
Yes, sir.
I can't believe I've been in this many cars in three days.
I could've sworn that I gave it to you.
I'm so sorry, ma'am.
I don't know where it went.
A cell phone full of state secrets and private lines.
Let's hope not far. 
I'll go tear up my bed room again.
- No luck?
- It's your fault.
I blame the grief.
You really had me worried.
- You promised me you'd never die.
- I kept my promise. 
See?
Look, how long are we gonna have to suffer that one?
He's harmless.
He's a cocker spaniel.
That cocker spaniel just got the best post in the military.
Hell,
I was the one taken hostage.
That should've been my job.
Instead I'm being brought in for questioning.
More discipline?
You don't do yourself any favors with your nightlife.
They're saying things about the kidnapping.
That it was my fault the squad was ambushed.
That I was impulsive and went in without a support team.
- Did you?
- Of course not.
I called for overwatch as soon as I got the order.
The woods were crawling.
We had support.
At least when we went in.
And then...
The shooting started.
And we were alone.
I lost men.
We had support.
Please.
Talk to him.
They could bring me up on charges.
You know I don't like to get involved with politics.
But...
If I were to suggest something,
I'd say let them.
- Let them court-martial me?
- Why not?
Truth outed slowly is rembered longest.
So sit through their meetings.
They'll see what's what soon enough and then they'll have to cover you with so many medals and apologies.
You'll be stuffed from all the banquets in your high honor.
Be patient, Jack.
It'll all come out in the wash.
Probably along with my damn cell phone.
And sadly he suffered a coronary while jogging near his home.
Minister of energy faulks was a 15-year servant of our government and a patriot.
King Silas will be visiting with his family after the funeral.
Listen,
I don't think I'm gonna make it back home this weekend.
I thought you had some leave coming.
- Did you get in trouble?
- Sort of.
Turn on the tv.
We also have some news from the front.
Now ladies and gentlemen, you know we can't tell you too much.
But here to tell you what we can, we have our new military liaison.
Some of you may know of him already.
Let me introduce:
Captain David Shepherd.
- What's going on with you?
- Mom, I gotta go.
They made him a monkey!
- What?
- There's a package here for you.
Look, look!
Is anyone else really sick of that picture?
Can we turn that off?
Thanks.
Cool.
Does this mean no more action for you?
You'll be staying here in Shiloh?
Look, I only had, like, ten minutes of briefing this morning, but I'm pretty surey just want me to read what's on the prompter, so...
How about I just say yes and we get straight to it.
An offensive was issued two hours ago by king Silas.
At present, we have troops advancing across the neutral zone into Gath territory.
We have reports that Gath has retreated its armor units.
Is this in response to the kidnappings?
I think it's in response to everyone wanting this damn war over already.
This is embarrassing.
We could pull him.
He's perfect.
Watch.
What about Jack Benjamin's involvement with the ambush of the 127th?
As far as I know, Captain Benjamin's involvement was as a victim.
Is it true there's an early inquiry into his negligence?
I have no official information on that.
But from personal knowledge I can state that... that's a load of bullshit put out by people trying to cash in on tragedy.
Men died in that ambush.
Try and show some respect.
- Next question.
- Thank you, Captain.
Little too much time around soldiers.
Any last comments? 
No?
Actually... one... last thing.
I have a report that there's progress on a promising new health care petition.
To expand...
You know, coverage.
Which I guess will,
I guess will benefit...
- everyone.
- Thank you for that update.
Flying colors.
How are you feeling?
I thought I was gonna vomit the whole time.
Lucky you didn't.
Come, sir.
There's a call for you.
You got my package?
You seriously spend your whole reward on beer and video games?
You're sick!
You have a sickness!
All right,
How you holding up, captain?
I've been trying to get out ever since I got here.
You're in the capital.
You're dancing with the princess.
Nobody's shooting at you.
I just thought I should be out there with you guys.
Are you kidding me?
That's sweet. 
No, kid, you need to be scooping this up with both hands, okay?
You're living the good life.
You deserve it.
What's going on, Eli?
We're looking a preparation for full-scale invasion.
We have to attack first.
They're coming for us.
They haven't fired.
It could be a retreat.
We were told to expect an official message from them any minute.
Recalling all your plans from our airspace is a message.
"We're going to push you into the sea."
Your brother's fine.
You'll call him later.
Message from the premier of Gath, sir.
Son of a bitch.
It's a peace treaty.
They're offering us a truce.
I... owe you a thank you for the free publicity.
I just thought I'd drop off a note.
You hoped I wouldn't be home.
This treaty is half your doing.
You really should be out celebrating.
You haven't seen...
Turn on your TV.
You don't have a TV. 
What do you think all that noise is outside?
I just thought that was the city.
Come on.
Come on, we're going.
Here.
Beautiful, isn't it?
Do you remember the inauguration of Shiloh?
When we moved to the capital, the celebration?
Of course.
I watched it with my family.
We were on our way to it all driving, and, my dad sees this truck.
And he stops the entire cavalcade.
He just can't get over it. 
This... ice cream truck here where there was nothing before someone dreamt it.
Just ashes, ruins.
He hugged me to hide that he was crying. 
Nobody else saw, but...
I think it wasn't real to him until that moment.
It was freezing out and he bought us all rocket pops.
That was when I realized that the human will can take ashes and turn it into ice cream,
this city is about progress.
This is what we've been fighting for this entire time.
Dancing in the streets and you're here draining my wine cellar.
Isn't it great?
Peace in our lifetimes.
- All thanks to the cocker spaniel.
- Good news for all of us.
Especially for me.
You transferred me.
Moved me to an intelligence desk in the capital.
- Promotion to major.
- Then you heard. 
Congratulations.
That you took me off active duty.
That is a demotion.
And admission of guilt couches an honor.
"That Jack couldn't really handle the war. 
Nearly got himself killed.
"Let's move him to a desk where it's safe."
All while you prop him up on a stage.
Come then. 
There's enough fair hair to go around.
You really mean to do this now?
If I'm gonna be king and telling the butterfly story,
I need to be a war hero in command of my company.
I can't do that from the sidelines.
You believe what they're saying?
That ambush wasn't my fault.
- I know that.
- Then what?
I fought for you. 
Commanded.
I have the respect of everyone except the one who owes it to me most.
Is it my reputation?
"The party prince?" Is that it?
None of that matters.
That... it's not who I am.
If only it was.
What would I give for a playboy who couldn't keep it in his pants, and who runs through women?
But what I have... is a son who shows no interest in them.
You thought I didn't know?
I've been keeping pictures of our family out of the free press for years.
What you do at night with your boys after your show of skirt chasing is a disgrace.
If you were my second son, I wouldn't care.
But for a king, it's not possible.
Not possible.
We give what we want when we want power.
Believe me.
Now you want to show me you have the heart to be king?
Show me you can control it.
Wrestle it to the ground.
Numb it with ice.
But you cannot be what God made you, not if you mean to take my place.
Celebrate.
It's what you're good at...
Read it back.
"And it happened
"that Silas king forged an accord of peace with Gath.
"The dancing in the streets
"could be felt even up into the king's chambers,
"shaking his pen as he signed his name."
Nice turn, Perry.
We made legend today.
Thank you, sir.
Who comes to the king uncalled.
Why aren't you out on a parade float somewhere?
No sign of it letting up either.
Even Michelle is out having fun for once.
Was a good gamble.
We scared them into peace.
We can build again.
I was thinking this truce might not be the best thing for the country right now.
I just signed the treaty.
Which makes a perfect opportunity to invade.
They'd never see it coming.
We only attacked to scare them into peace.
Everything this country needs is wrapp in peace.
You heard the parades.
The people want peace.
They can have it, say... in a year. 
Then... you could end the war.
Crossgen has too much invested in the military right now.
This war needs to continue.
This isn't some government contract.
Building a bridge or a pipeline or helmet.
People will die.
You can see that building.
Of course you can.
I made sure this room faced it.
You may have built this country, but I paid for it. 
I...
I handed you your crown.
I repaid that debt many times.
Don't forget all you sacrificed to get where you are right now.
Gave up that whore you loved.
Made me your brother all so you could have my money at your back.
You knew the cost.
- And if I refuse?
- One call is all it takes to pull our gold from your treasury.
Everything you built will collapse.
By lunch, those parades will be riots.
Your banks will be on fire.
You'll have more death on your head than would come from any war.
One more year.
Then sign whatever you want.
Find a way.
And how do I live with myself?
The same as you always have.
You never sleep either.
The family needs 24-hour care.
You all right, sir?
Quarterly reports are the death of innovation.
Can you get me ready a car?
I woke you.
I was up.
Long night?
Sit. 
I made soup.
- What kind?
- The kind you like.
Your back's bothering you again?
I'll get your pillow.
Why do I ever leave?
I'm happy when I'm here.
- Sad when I'm gone.
- Sadness can be useful too.
Easy, puppy.
Daddy's here.
Easy.
We're getting hammered out here!
Where's our air support?
We'll have to take extreme measures to compensate.
Take them head-on, hit the capital.
We should prepare for heavy losses.
Press conference in two hours.
At the front, you'll announce this.
I'll need the Reverend to give the benediction after.
"Re-engaged?"
We're invading?
But we had peace.
You don't want this.
If you invade, there'll be no end. 
There has to be some way you can rescue this.
One tank and he thinks he can fashion history.
There's a lot of generals there who think differently.
They can't tell you how to move people.
You can do that.
Talk to Gath face-to-face.
Call out to the premier directly.
- You have to try.
- Do not presume to tell us what to do.
We are king and we do as seems right in mine eye.
Say otherwise again and we will snap your neck right now.
And next time you touch my daughter, don't do it on camera.
There'd have been a much different in the paper this morning if it didn't come to me first.
You and I, we've had our differences.
But on the people we agree.
They're gonna need you.
I want you to get on the air.
Lead them in a national prayer.
Declare a fast.
Band them together like the old days.
I won't do that.
- You're refusing your king?
- You are not my king.
Not anymore.
Not after what you have done.
Or do you still want to pretend that I don't know?
The kidnappings.
Those soldiers.
The ambush that ended 12 lives.
That was you.
You recalled their air support.
You allowed an assault on your own soldiers.
You sacrificed your own son.
Jack was never supposed to be anywhere near there.
They are all your children.
I had do something.
We needed a strike.
I couldn't get the people behind it.
I only wanted a chance at peace.
And you couldn't take that either.
I bring a message.
Since you have cast aside the word of the Lord, he has cast you side as king.
He grants you no more favors.
He protects what you love no longer.
God wishes a man after his own heart.
You have none.
He will find another.
That's what he says?
- Then to hell with God.
- You are just a man now.
Try to live like one... for long as you can
What happened?
Goliath's took out the entire front.
We got hit hard.
Where's Eli?
There he is.
How's the big city?
He tell me something.
How did you know those tanks weren't gonna shoot?
Come on, don't make me die before I know.
Their tank teams like to use the exhaust stacks to heat up their field rations.
They drop the entreein when they're idling.
You can hear 'em gun the engines to blow the packs out.
They always do it before they shell.
So they can have a hot meal in peace while we...
While we got our heads in the sand.
It's not good out there.
It's gonna get worse.
I don't know what to do.
You'll figure something out.
You're always good at fixing things.
They're so much bigger than me there.
Bigger than you?
You're the kid in front of the tank.
You're a hero.
I'm not what you think I am.
I'm not a hero.
That whole picture's a lie.
But you stood up to them.
When they took that picture, I wasn't standing up.
I was surrounded.
They had me, so I surrendered.
I dropped my gun.
My grenade went off,
I got a lucky shot in.
It wasn't even luck, it was stupid,
I surrendered.
Everyone thinks I'm brave...
But I'm not.
Be brave now.
Sir, you'd better see this.
You want blood?
Come here and take it!
It's fresh!
Still warm from the life that just left it.
The blood of my brother.
So take it!
Take his blood and call it enough.
If you need more, take mine.
Do it!
I surrender. 
Shoot me and call that enough.
Or can one of you come down here... and show me your face?
Show me that you're more than tank, metal, and shell.
That you're human like we are.
That you breathe, that you bleed.
That you feel and feel pity.
That you live for more than our deaths.
Come.
Any of you who have lost a brother.
Come and tell me it's enough.
Lost his mind.
- Get a gun on him.
- Yes, sir.
Hold.
Hold.
We looked into our hearts and found a new opportunity for peaceful dialogue and truce.
I personally sent captain Shepherd, our bravest soldier, to extend the offer of mutual surrender to Gath.
Where is David Shepherd now?
Captain Shepherd is suffering his own loss today.
I hope you'll extend to him the privacy he and his family deserve.
"Opportunity for peaceful dialogue?"
What are you going to do about this?
I'm going to hold peace talks with the Gath leadership in the vineyard.
Shepherd's stunt was too grand a gesture. 
My hands are tied.
You planned it, the whole thing, didn't you?
Fed your words to that upstart and sent him out there.
I'd kill him myself if I could.
I hope you're happy.
You just traded one war for another.
Pen which,
"The king's brother-in-law came
"and congratulated him on the truce."
Nice to have my own country back.
Call the treasury. 
Pull the gold.
We'll see how long they cheer for him when they're starving.
Then we handle Shepherd.
Royal guard?
Palace finest.
- Are you arresting me?
- More like delivering an invitation and a small housewarming gift. 
Took the liberty of installing it for you.
Be seeing you I suppose, sir.
And we'll be receiving the peace negotiators from Gath, here at the vineyard.
It's my proud task to make them all comfortable during these historic talks.
We found it, ma'am.
- Your cell phone.
- Lord bless, I lost it days ago.
National security disaster.
Where was it?
Please just tell me, for goodness sakes.
I have no secrets from the press.
Jack's car.
A maid found it in the backseat.
It was with this.
So then I did give it to you.
Unless this belongs to someone else.
I lose more good secretaries that way.
Is that off the record?
Well, go ahead. 
I owe you one.
But please just promise to make him look rakish.
I'll do my best.
Silas and his time has passed.
Being king is a young man's game and he's grown old.
This is the time for bold action.
And for action, we need to know we have a replacement at the ready.
What say you?
There are no words.
Your brother was by all accounts the kind of man this country was built on.
You are free to leave the city.
I won't even try to make you stay.
The piano's yours regardless.
They really need me back home.
But I was thinking I might stay.
Feels like the braver thing.
It's what Eli would've done.
She likes him.
You like him too.
Happiness really suits her.
It's embarrassing.
I am still a bit in awe of you after all these years.
All you've accomplished.
Still accomplishing.
I'll let you work.
Be right back.

Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Episode 2
Seal the interrogation room, and release the tranquilizer gas.
Let him be.
His mental state is unstable.
It could be dangerous.
Hand me the test results.
Sa Woo!
Sa Woo!
Sa Woo!
Sa Woo!
Hey, Sa Woo.
Sa Woo, snap out of it.
Sa Woo.
Sa Woo, snap out of it, man!
Don't waste your strength.
Welcome to the NSS.
What is this place?
Didn't I just say it was the NSS?
People also call it the National Security Administration.
How shall I put it?
Homeland peace?
Let's just say it's an organization that defeats enemy threats to our country.
It's no different from the Special Forces you've been a part of.
Only, the existence of the NSS is unknown to the world.
Why are you doing this to us?
Your pain during a brief time was probably quite extreme.
Think of that as a rite of passage into becoming NSS agents.
The state has chosen you, but you have a right to refuse.
If you want to refuse the position at this point, you can go back.
The NSS has been evaluating your combat capabilities for a long time.
Our results show you have all of the requisite qualifications, and you just passed the final test.
If you two decide to stay, you will now commence 6 months of special training in order to be placed in the field.
Consider it carefully and make a decision.
[NSS National Security Administration]
Hey.
Relax your face a little.
This place is like downtown Seoul.
Why don't you relax the tense eyes?
I'm NSS Anti-terrorism Chief Park Sang Hyun.
First off, welcome to the NSS.
Go ahead and introduce yourself.
- I'm Hwang Tae Sang.
- I'm Yang Mi Jung.
Yang Mi Jung is one of Korea's top-rate hackers.
She'll help you with computer related work.
Hwang Tae Sung will provide support for you back at headquarters during your missions.
The two of you may leave.
And this is Team Leader Choi Seung Hee.
She's a profiling expert.
As the two of you get adjusted to the NSS, you will likely need her help a lot.
And you'll learn profiling skills you will absolutely need as field agents.
I'm going to step out so why don't you talk?
Oh, and you know we are going to the Vice Director's home today, right?
Yes.
Just a moment.
Chief.
May I have a word?
Was this planned from the beginning?
Did you intentionally approach me?
Sa Woo, they can all see what you're doing right now.
Inside the NSS, there is nowhere that you can avoid the cameras.
You're right. 
I contacted you because I wanted to bring you in.
But, I wasn't in a position to reveal what I was doing.
You must be able to understand that now, eh?
But, Sunbae, how could you do that to me?
Even after rolling with the Special Forces, I thought I was going to die.
Pal, I went through it all too.
You've been through a rough time.
Let's have a drink later, huh?
Showing up in the lecture hall back then, was I a target from the start?
That's correct.
To profile Kim Hyun Joo, it was a definite necessity.
Why don't you become an actress?
I'll be your manager.
I bet you could make quite a lot of money.
Depending on the mission, I can occasionally be an actress.
How was my acting?
Are you kidding me?
The regulations of being an NSS agent, you've probably already learned during training.
Since we don't know when you'll be given a mission, you should consider yourself on emergency standby 365 days a year.
And the training on profiling that Chief Park Sang Hyun mentioned won't be a separate dedicated training.
Rather, during the course of your missions, you will learn the methods as needed.
Do you have any questions?
Then, let's go and meet the Vice Director.
It was rough, wasn't it?
Neither Sang Hyun nor I were in a position to reveal what we do.
I'm sorry.
It's all right.
I understand all of it.
- Let's go.
- Yes.
What did she say?
Oh, nothing much.
Vice Director, hello.
- Oh!
- Hello.
Welcome.
It was a pretty tough time, wasn't it?
I invited you over to have a meal together.
Aye, today we get a full meal from you, and tea even.
I wonder if we've imposed too much.
Oh, not at all. 
I hope the meal was to your liking.
We enjoyed it very much, Madam.
Right? 
My wife's one great cook.
It was truly delicious.
Next time, you'll have to teach me.
These fellows are new employees.
What do you think?
Don't they look they'll be good workers?
I can't say whether or not they'll be good workers, but they have very handsome faces.
And Seung Hee is also quite lovely.
Your company must hire only beautiful people.
It's only because I brought home the good-looking ones.
There are also a lot of homely folks.
About when will we get our first mission?
Why, are you antsy? 
Huh?
Just wait. 
Something's about to break open.
Excuse me while I take this call.
Hello?
It seems like the Vice Director's wife has no idea of what he does.
That's why it's scary, eh?
It hasn't been that long for me, but keeping the secret from my wife is no easy walk.
The Vice Director has kept the secret for over 40 years.
It's not something just anyone can do.
Anyhow, he's quite the die-hard.
He's just Vice Director by title.
Actually he's like this at NSS.
Because the Director always changes depending on the political administration.
Let's raise a glass.
The conclusion can differ, depending on the results of Chief Oh Hyung Gyu's analysis.
Let's talk more in detail tomorrow.
Mmm.
Why'd you come out?
So you profiled me, did you?
Then, you must have learned something. 
What was it?
I can't talk about it.
If you toy with a person, shouldn't you at least apologize?
What kind of low-down character is that?
Watch your words. 
I'm your superior.
I haven't done anything to apologize for.
If you're that curious about profiling, I'll tell you.
You ... go around as though you have this macho personality, but it's just an act covering up dark memories from your past.
And, you need to be the center of everything.
That's also a psychological defense mechanism.
And... you fell for me at first sight.
But, what can you do?
Relationships between employees are absolutely prohibited at our firm, and even if they were ever to allow it, you're not my type.
I don't know what your past scars are, but men who go around acting so macho are exactly the type I hate.
And, I'll say it once more.
Keep in mind that I'm your superior.
If you act like this one more time ...
For now, there's a possibility that it could've been to include the recent team to work under section chief Park, but they'll probably have tough competition with the other team.
Kim Hyun Jun.
Come see me for a moment.
Excuse me for a moment.
You don't have to worry about your surroundings.
This is the only area within the NSS that isn't monitored by CCTV.
Ahh.
Ahh, yes?
So is there something you have to tell me in secret?
Kim Hyun Jun.
Do I seem easy?
Or, does the NSS organization seem like a joke to you?
I'm your superior, and the NSS will absolutely not tolerate personal relationships between agents.
Keep that in mind.
Um, wait just a second, Team Leader.
Do you know why I entered the NSS?
Frankly I don't know much about that allegiance mumbo jumbo that the NSS demands.
The same goes for my time in the Special Forces.
Risking my life to carry out those missions, the thing that makes that possible ... isn't a deep ambition or anything like that.
It's just that... for the first time, I felt something was exciting.
After barely managing to find this path,
I had a thought like, "Ah, this must be my destiny."
The reason that a guy like me chose the NSS, was that I looked at this dangerous and complicated organization quite simply.
I thought, "So if I just risk my life,
I can continue doing something I find exciting, something that feels like my destiny."
I... as an agent, I may not have that intense allegiance or patriotism, but when I decide to make a commitment, I hang onto it until the bitter end.
From the very first moment I met you in the lecture hall,
I've never once thought you were easy.
And... this... is no joke.
Then, I'll get going, since I have work to do...
Team Leader, what are you looking at?
No, it's nothing.
[Underwater Sound Environment Modeling]
Aren't you coming out?
- Team leader, aren't you coming?
- After I finish this.
What's this...
This is where we conduct autopsies related to our work that can't be done by the state.
How can I sleep with all this noise?
!
This is Chief Oh Hyun Gyu of Scientific Investigations.
What is it?
Huh?
Ahh, are you fellows new?
- Yes.
- I'm Kim Hyun Jun.
Yes, I'm Jin Sa Woo.
Oh, yeah?
A man who fights a monster, must be careful not to become a monster himself.
It's something Nietzsche said.
Bear it in mind.
Aigoo, now go on out.
I gotta get some more sleep.
Aigoo!
This place is full of head cases.
And now that another nutjob has been added, I'm sure this organization will sail smoothly.
What were you trying to say?
What?
The quote by Nietzsche.
That fellow Kim Hyun Jun,
I looked at his file.
It showed that he had the potential to become a monster.
Aye, he's not that kind of person.
He acts all tough, but he's quite naive.
What?
Have you already fallen for the guy?
Uh, no!
Ha, really, Chief ...
- Are you going somewhere?
- Mmm.
Where?
Well, you know, here and there.
What are you going to do?
I'm just gonna lie around.
Dude, if you don't have anything to do, why don't you clean up around here?
And, do the laundry too, punk.
You do it, punk!
- Is there anything else you need?
- Just wine is fine.
Yeah. 
Come quickly.
What are you...
Ah...
Ah, regarding general data mining techniques, and whether they could be used in analyzing behavioral evidence,
I couldn't quite figure it out.
Ah, yes, well... you said if we wanted to know more about profiling, we could come ask you anytime.
Ah, yes, this is Jin Sa Woo.
Yes, I understand.
It's a summons to headquarters.
Yamamoto Dackasi.
In addition to the NSS, the Japanese government investigators are monitoring him as a terrorist threat.
Tomorrow at 11:35 in the morning, he is scheduled to enter the country at Incheon Airport.
Mi Jung, brief us on the subject.
There are no accurate birth records.
The records show he's 45.
He's Japanese, but also holds a Syrian citizenship.
After the dissolution of the Red Army in Japan, the remaining members rallied and joined forces.
Yamamoto Dackasi has been pegged as the successor to lead them.
What's the last confirmed terrorist act?
1999, the US Armed Forces base in Okinawa was an open environment, and it is presumed they destroyed that facility.
If he's that big of a danger, can't we just refuse him entry into the country, or capture him as he enters?
It's not such a simple matter.
We have to know the reason he's coming into the country.
If terrorism is his objective, then that means accomplices we haven't yet uncovered are already in the country.
Jin Sa Woo and Kim Hyun Jun, this case will be your first official mission.
The two of you are to find out the motives for entry, his contact here, his reason for entering Korea, the people he will most likely come in contact with, and his expected movement pattern while he is in Korea.
Mi Jung and Tae Sang will be back up.
[Arrivals] [11:35 Tokyo/Narita]
He's moving.
What are you doing, driver Jin?
- Have they left?
- Team Leader ...
Ta da!
It's a present.
What is it?
It's the position locater device that you requested from the development team.
With a side feature of transmitting files, it's the perfect little guy.
Twelve o'clock, at the baccarat table directly across from me.
Where is he?
Player, zero.
Banker, natural eight.
Banker wins.
Quite impressive, aren't you?
Are you a pro?
Number five.
Player, five.
Nice.
Wow.
Banker, natural nine.
Banker wins.
- Looks like you did well?
- Yeah.
Wow!
Shall we leave the table and go up for a glass of champagne in my room?
You'll go, right?
Add this to my marker.
I understand.
Thank you very much.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
After all, gambling isn't an easy thing.
What is she planning to do there?
- Is she throwing out her body too?
- Shut up, be quiet.
Seung Hee, shall we have a bit of a kiss?
Just a moment. 
How about showering first?
Shall we together?
I don't want to. 
I'm too shy.
Will you wash first?
All right, all right.
I set up the position locater device.
I'm going to meet him tomorrow, so the two of you can follow and back me up.
I was a little bit surprised.
Didn't you say I should try being an actress?
I'll see you tomorrow.
I'm closing in on the target.
Requesting stand by.
What do you think?
- What about this one?
- Shall I try it on?
Yeah.
Is that so?
I understand.
He's on a call right now.
He might be arranging a meeting with his contact, so try to make out what they're saying.
Who are you?
!
What? 
Why are you doing this?
Are you all right?
Go quickly!
Go!
Go now!
Go quickly!
Emergency situation, emergency situation.
Requesting satellite tracking.
Current position W345 E234.
He's fleeing towards the main entrance.
Grid 354 West 234 designation, tracking modified.
Compile intelligence on all buildings within a 5K radius.
General location found.
Target detected. 
Target detected.
Target is headed for the shopping mall building.
Bring up the image of the shopping mall building.
25 meters ahead of you, it's the alley on your right.
At the bottom of the stairs to the left is the shopping mall entrance.
He's fleeing through the first aisle of the shopping mall.
Target is going out the back door, fleeing north through the alley.
Where is he?
We lost him.
I'll let you know as soon as we get a fix on him again.
Secure all the nearby CCTV screens wired in Itaewon.
And confirm the location of TK1.
TK1, what's your position?
Itaewon station, intersection number 79 50 meters, over.
We got him again.
TK1, seven o'clock.
Target is at exiting side door of the building.
He's entering the intersection.
Distance less than 50 meters.
Don't lose him.
We have the target on CCTV.
Target has entered the restaurant.
Check the traffic situation, and plot Dackasi's possible escape routes.
The target is on the left hand side of sector number 91.
It's an industrial sector.
He is moving towards that area in blue.
There's construction about 100 meters in front of him, so he may change direction.
Target has abandoned the scooter and is traveling east.
Eleven o'clock, he's at eleven o'clock.
Target is entering Seongsu station.
Move! 
Move!
Huh?
Uh, it accurately penetrated the area between the occipital bone and the C1, with a downward angle.
If a rotating implement ... enters into the palate bone, the rotation radius widens, the occipital lobe, the temporal lobe both get damaged, and then the entire area is destroyed.
Wanna see?
No, that's okay.
This is the skill of a pro among pros.
We think that Dackasi was going to rendezvous with his accomplice at Seongsu station.
But his accomplice figured out we were chasing Dackasi.
He killed Dackasi and disappeared.
Having confirmed the existence of this accomplice,
I'm inclined to think he entered the country with the objective of terrorism.
Have you uncovered the planned terrorism?
We haven't been able to yet.
Before things get too out of hand, quickly sort it out.
We examined Dackasi's movements after entering the country and the belongings we obtained, as well as his past strategies.
However, we still haven't ascertained the target of their terrorist plan.
Up to now, the terrorists have largely targeted first, the president, second, the US ambassador, thirdly, the current Japanese minister of defense
We've relayed the danger to the President's office and the US Ambassadors currently here.
When we're certain of the presence of terrorists, those measures are too vague.
Um, in my view,
I think the target could be one of the current ambassadorial candidates.
Based on what evidence?
I, uh, um, don't have evidence,
- but the feeling I got in the course of pursuing Dackasi ...
- What the hell are you saying?
Are you saying we should build a plan around your feelings?
But, I think you should be open to the possibility...
It's already chaotic, so why go on with your worthless babble?
!
The two of you, pull out of this mission, and remain on standby.
A field agent's intuition can be more accurate than the analysis done in a lab.
And whether or not the two of them are pulled, is up to me as their Team Leader.
Choi Seung Hee.
Why are you acting up?
For now the three of you are ordered to be on standby.
Are you really going to pull out?
Boy, a person can be made a moron in one moment.
Where are you going?
Can you get me the campaign schedules for the ambassadorial candidates?
- Why do you want that all of a sudden?
- C'mon, quickly.
Yes sir!
[13:00~16:00 Assemblyman Jo Myung Ho, Cheongyecheon (Stream) Plaza]
Sa Woo ...
Let's go.
Jo Myung Ho! 
Jo Myung Ho! 
Jo Myung Ho!
What are we doing here?
I just wanted to come.
Aye, punk, after getting into such trouble ...
Jo Myung Ho is campaigning here today.
He's the strongest ambassadorial candidate.
Where would you go if it were you?
Jo Myung Ho! 
Jo Myung Ho! 
Jo Myung Ho!
- I'd pick there.
- I was thinking the same.
- You go take a look.
- Where?
- Go where you imagined.
- What about you?
I'll go stick by the target.
Hyun Jun, just a second.
Yeah, this is Jin Sa Woo.
I have a favor to ask.
I can't.
Last time was a sanctioned operation, but it's not this time.
We'll really be in big trouble.
I understand. 
C'mon, just do it.
Um ...
What is it?
Don't worry, I'll take the responsibility.
Zoom in right there.
TK1, TK2, Code AX
Shooter on Hyo Ryeong Building rooftop.
Jo Myung Ho! 
Jo Myung Ho! 
Jo Myung Ho!
Jo Myung Ho! 
Jo Myung Ho! 
Jo Myung Ho!
Sniper shot dead. 
TK2 situation closed.
Following the events of 6/25, the Republic of Korea exceeding anyone's expectations and falling short of no ones' made an appearance to the global theatre as one of the most democratic countries in the world.
- He's certain to have backup.
TK1, TK2, report your positions, and locate the second shooter.
Although it has yet to be 60 years since then, the democratization and industrialization that seemed like nothing more than an impossibility.
And, the communication networks that could surpass the 21st century, we've achieved them all!
Even if the world should try and bring it to naught,
- our blood, sweat and tears,
Sa Woo!
Four story building across the street!
Top story, window towards the center!
we shall absolutely never regret!
That is the faith we must have.
Those things that all of you and I know... for 12 years.
In those 12 years, you my fellow citizens, and I, Jo Myung Ho, continued to keep the faith.
If we have that faith, we can do it.
Take a look.
Yes, sir.
Mr. Black.
Yeah.
You got it. 
I'm on my way.
Cheers!
Thank you.
Ahh, this is like catching the cow by her hind legs.
But, whether it's the hind legs or the forelegs, capturing is capturing, eh?
- Kim Hyun Jun, Jin Sa Woo.
- Yes.
Today, everything's on me tonight so drink away! 
Eh?
- Thank you.
- What are you doing?
How come you're not mixing "bombs" Huh? 
C'mon.
Hey, no one's going home tonight, huh?
It's unconditionally unconditional.
What did I tell you?
Didn't I tell you he was a monster?
Watch him carefully.
If you leave him alone, he could turn into a really scary monster.
I'll run to you whenever you call.
If someone else calls me,
I'd have to think a long time.
But if you call me,
It's unconditionally, unconditional.
My love for you is unconditionally unconditional.
My love for you is a special love.
Hey, where should we go for a second round?
Don't you like going to places where the agasshi's come out?
Uh!
That's enough.
What are you talking about?
This is just the beginning.
- Hey, Kim Hyun Jun. 
- Yes?
- Jin Sa Woo.
- Yes, Team Leader?
Does it bug you that I talk down to you when I'm younger?
If it bugs you, then you guys be team leader.
You guys... have to realize it's an honor to be working with me.
We should clear these as we go.
Hey.
I'm making a special allowance.
Starting right now, today, drop the polite talk outside the organization.
- You won't regret it?
- Regret, what regret?
- Drop it.
- Got it!
- Choi Seung Hee, 
- Mmm?
It's awkward, but feels pretty good.
I like it, I like it.
Hey, Jin Sa Woo, how come you don't answer.
Ah, um, for me, it's
- Maybe slowly.
- Ah, when I tell you to drop it, drop it.
C'mon.
- Seung Hee ...
- Mmm? 
What, Sa Woo?
Ah, I don't think I can do it.
I'll pass.
No, no, I like it, I like it. 
It's all good.
A.. hey, we're out of beer.
Go buy some more beer.
You go buy some.
Hey, are you nuts?
Why?
I... 
I'm sorry.
Fooled you, huh?
!
Fooled you, fooled you!
I totally fooled you!
Right? 
Huh?
Oh! 
I thought you were serious.
You totally scared me.
You scared me.
Cut it out.
You couldn't get a tuxedo?
[Blue House] (President's residence)
Hey, it's almost time for him to arrive.
Eat that later.
What's the matter?
Hyun Jun.
You can't touch things like that, okay?
- What's your name?
- Kim Hyun Jun.
- What do you want to be when you grow up?
- Protecting truth and justice, Superman!
What's the matter?
I think I've been here before.
When?
As nuclear physicists graduating from MIT, the two of you hold the key to the final stage in initiating nuclear development.
- I don't know.
- Whooosh
Is that fun?
Mommy!
Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Main Translator: meju Spots Translators: munchinghippo, songbird
Timer: hitomi83 Editor/QC: 
la_tofu
Coordinators: mily2, ay_link
Hong Seung Ryong.
He's the lead scientist for Nuclear Weapons Development.
He's come to seek political asylum.
What happened to Kim Hyun Jun and Choi Seung Hee?
It's a ticket to Hungary.
Welcome.
I can remember now...
What was it that happened to me?

Tyler?
Did you feel that?
Tyler!
Yeah, mom?
Yeah, you're in big trouble.
No, huge.
I'm not kidding.
Yeah, I know.
Good morning, roy.
Morning, father jack.
Foreclosures are on the rise,
Up another 6% in the last month alone.
And housing prices continue to fall... (speaks indistinctly)
(handle squeaks) economic stimulus package...
Thanks for coming in so early.
Oh, it's a pleasure.
Yeah, you know,
It's the only time I could make it down here.
Ah, don't even mention it.
All right.
I'm a little excited.
You got the ring?
Oh, of course I got the ring.
She is gonna like this, isn't she?
She's gonna love it.
You know, I was gonna do
The whole get down on one knee thing.
That's not too corny, is it?
Knee's a classic.
Can't go wrong with the knee.
Knee it is.
Good.
What was that?
I don't know.
Morning, haley.
Hey! 
Good morning. 
Here.
Thank you.
You pitch freddie my idea?
He loved it,
Thought it was a great take on the vice president.
And let me guess-- he wants martinez to do it.
They love you and all...
Hey, it's cool. 
I get it.
Shut up, chad, and read the news.
How exactly did you get into a fight?
Crashing a party in soho.
So you snuck out in the middle of the night to go to a party?
Well, it was brandon's dumb-ass idea.
Who's a dumb-ass?
Where are you?
Some clinic off of bloomfield.
I'm coming to get you.
Yeah, I-I'll just take my bike home. 
It's... what's going on?
!
What is this?
!
Tyler!
Mom, what is ts?
!
Roy!
(man) look out!
It's coming down!
(man) call the paramedics!
Mom? 
Mom?
!
Tyler? 
Stay where you are.
(line breaking up) tyler, are you somewhere safe?
Mom? 
Mom! 
Mom!
Tyler?
Tyler! 
Stay where you are!
I'm coming for you! 
Tyler!
(dog barks in distance)
Mom!
Something's wrong, man.
I gotta go.
I'm not going anywhere.
(woman) oh, my god!
(woman shouts indistinctly)
(man) idiot!
(man) hey!
Let's go, kid!
Let's move it! 
Come on!
It's the only way I can get home!
Let's move!
I mean, all the streets are blocked, man!
This area is restricted, kid!
Move!
But w--I mean, what about my bike?
!
No more! 
Let's go!
Move out, people! 
! 
Move!
S go! 
Let's go!
What is that?
Since their arrival, there's been no contact
With any of the 29 ships
Now hovering over the major cities of the world.
Come on, ryan, pick up.
Streets are jammed.
People are trying to flee--
The ships moving through
New york and l.A. Was enough to rock both cities for miles--
Ann.O.R.A.D. Is now confirming
The first jet to encounter the spacecraft
Experienced full electrical failure.
Dude, this is "independence day"!
Which was a rip-off
Of any number of alien invasion predecessors.
(man speaking indistinctly) oh, thank god!
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm okay.
Good.
Oh, thank god!
I need to get through.
Nobody is getting through.
Look again, sergeant. 
I'm fbi.
Counterterrorism division.
I can read.
You're still not getting past.
I'm looking for my son.
Everybody is looking for their son right now.
My son is in there.
If you will let me in there, I can find him.
I'm not gonna tell you again.
Turn around.
Nobody is getting through.
Turn around. 
Turn!
Please! 
He called me an hour ago. 
He's in there!
Hey! 
Hey! 
Hey!
(man shouts indistinctly) ow!
(woman) come on, now!
(speaks indistinctly)
Tyler?
Ty?
Mom?
Tyler!
Mom!
Oh!
Are you okay?
Yeah. 
Yeah, I'm okay.
oh, god! 
Oh, god!
Oh, my god.
Yeah.
(voice echoing) don't be frightened.
We mean no harm.
Please accept our apologies.
We're truly anguished
I am sure you're eager to start a family, too?
Very much.
Well, not quite yet.
- Good night.
- Good night, Charlie.
'Night.
We're a little young, don't you think?
Are we?
Perhaps I should take my leave.
- Good night.
- Err...
See you tomorrow, Harry.
I am sure.
I don't think we need to rush, that's all.
{Beats drum}
You sound different.
Not at all.
Were you at the club all night?
Yes.
He's a better liar than you.
What?
I was just saying everything is so soon.
- I gave myself to you. 
I thought you loved me.
- And I do!
Then make me your wife, not one of your whores!
I think perhaps I ought to go.
Don't let him do this, Dorian.
- This has nothing to do with Harry.
- You said you loved me!
And I do! 
I do!
Dorian, please!
Please, Dorian! 
Please, I love you!
{Door slams}
{Fly buzzes}
{Chatter and laughter}
Oh, Henry! 
Dorian!
Tell me, how was last night's performance?
I am sorry.
Have a drink.
I can introduce you to the artist later, if you like.
Never marry, Mr. Gray.
it's the only way to keep all one's illusions.
Chin up, dear boy.
You've a face like a slapped Nancy.
You'll love again.
And again.
Do you have your cigarettes?
Of course.
Don't fear it, Dorian.
The world is yours.
For a season.
Hello, Victor.
Could you fetch us a bottle of the...?
Anything!
- What's the matter?
- You've a visitor, sir.
A Mr. Vane. 
He seems disturbed.
We'll wait in the library.
Victor, how about that bottle?
To what do I owe the pleasure, Jim?
Can I err...
Can I get you something to drink?
I don't want this in my house.
What happened with Sibyl was very unfortunate.
But this was a gift and she really should keep... itsfilthy.
She was wearing it when they pulled her from the river.
Why on earth was she...?
She... she can't...
She can't...
I wanted you to know... she loved you.
She was going to have your child.
And you killed her.
Jim! 
Jim!
Get up!
Are you all right, sir?
Let me...
- help you up.
- Sibyl's dead.
- Now, now.
- Good night, ladies.
{Jim sobs and shouts}
Get up. 
Get up!
We can't have maniacs threatening decent people in their own homes.
Alan treats a number of such deranged cases at Broad moor.
Just until he settles down.
I am confident any inquest into this unfortunate business will find no connection whatsoever with Mr. Gray.
- {Jim roars} 
- Taking you downtown.
{Jim screams}
{Door closes}
This wasn't your fault, Dorian.
- Kelso said I was death.
- Well, he was wrong.
Salome.
Harry?
You're not making sense.
No! 
Please!
He's part of me, Harry.
- I turn all love into death.
- Dorian. 
Dorian!
Into death. 
Death!
Kelso was a bitter ruin of a man and he's dead.
What's past is past.
Experience makes us strong, Dorian.
And you need to see this episode for what it really is.
An extraordinary experience.
- I can't be so heartless.
- It isn't heartless.
its finding a perspective.
Most lack the strength to rise above life's suffering.
To rule one's emotions, to save them...
.. that takes a man of will.
Alan left this for you.
Drink. 
Doctor's orders.
I should be going.
I call in the morning.
Thank you, Harry.
You are a man of will, Dorian.
I knew it from the first.
Dorian, Dorian...
I am so, so sorry.
Harry... 
Harry told me about poor Sibyl.
If there's anything I can do...
You're very kind. 
I am actually just on my way to see Harry now.
- Are you coming to the Bradleys' ball?
- Err...
Where's my picture?
The light was too strong in here.
The light was perfect.
Where have you put it?
its quite safe.
The truth is, I don't want it on public show.
it's just too valuable.
I could forgive the vagaries of grief if you actually seemed to be grieving.
I was... stricken.
But what's past is past.
Every experience is of value. 
Drink?
You shouldn't believe every word Harry says.
He doesn't.
Isn't this all just ghastly?
Bradley gloating with pitiful pride while his love-starved wife parades her daughter like a sow ruffling for husbands.
RADLEY: 
Delightful little filly.
And poor Celia.
Trussed up in a doily for some chinless miscreant to eternally enslave.
I suggest we raise a little hell.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I know who you are, Mr. Gray.
Allow me to offer my congratulations on your ravishing debut.
Perhaps a small toast.
To what?
Intoxication.
- Here she comes.
- Who?
-  
- Celia?
- Celia?
- Problem, Lady Bradley?
My daughter, I can't find her.
And nor can I find your Mr. Gray.
Perhaps they're in the garden.
The arrangements are marvellous.
Ah.
Might I hazard an alternative suggestion?
â™" Waltz
{Hums waltz}
Celia!
- Is something the matter?
- Celia!
Where is my daughter, you beast?
I was just attending to my costume.
A little of Lord Reedley's very fine Burgundy was spilt on my shirt cuff.
Oh. 
Oh...
Mr. Gray, I...
- Lord Henry gave me to understand...
- A mistake.
Nobody at all need know.
You're too kind, Mr. Gray.
- Thank you.
- It must be difficult, a party like this.
Seeing your daughter come of age.
Makes you long for your own youth.
I...
Madam, forgive me but... .. you are exquisite.
Oh, Mr. Gray.
This is most improper. 
Ooh...
Ah!
Oh!
Now, where were we?
What are you grinning about, Gray?
I think Hurry's just lost a wager.
Well, come on, out with it.
We're all gambling men here.
Just a little round of double or nothing.
Of course, a good gambler understands that there are limits.
BOTH: 
There are no limits.
{Operatic singing in Italian}
Have a wonderful birthday, Dorian!
Dorian.
This crush is your finest yet.
One has to do something to null the pain of age.
Do tell my husband not to be so disagreeable.
But I always agree with him.
Congratulations, Basil.
I hear you have a new exhibition.
Yes, yes, in Paris.
Yes, in fact, I wanted to ask a question of you, Dorian.
I like to make your portrait my principal piece.
Oh, yes, that picture.
Absolutely wonderful.
- Whatever became of it?
- I haven't seen it myself in months.
- He's very protective of it, aren't you?
- Indeed I am.
I am very sorry, Basil, but it's just too precious.
I won't have it out of the house.
{Moans of pleasure}
I beg your pardon.
Did you want me?
That picture is my finest work and it'd be greatly appreciated...
The greatest gift that anyone could ever have given.
In fact...
In fact, I wish that I could tell you just how great.
But then it isn't so unreasonable to borrow it back a little while.
I am not sure that I've ever... .. fully expressed my gratitude.
I hardly think...
{African drumbeat}
I have the key to your heart.
Don't touch that ever!
Dorian!
He's young.
But he was never cruel till he met you.
That's mine.
{Drumbeat intensifies}
- {Door opens} DORIAN: 
Oh, it's you.
- I thought you'd gone home.
- I just needed a walk.
I was just about to go to bed.
Everyone's left.
I am here to see you, not them.
Really?
Wait, wait.
I don't know where to begin.
How ominous.
- You terrified that poor boy tonight.
- He seemed to recover.
Is that what you tell yourself about Celia Bradley?
Look, I am sorry about her misfortune.
But do you really believe that I am to blame?
When I look at you, I find it impossible to imagine.
But I know you're treating people poorly.
Even me, when I ask you the small favour that you loan me my own picture...
- Is that what this is about?
- No, it's about a good deal more!
Dorian...
What happened to the Dorian Gray I painted?
You just don't understand.
I will always... be that Dorian.
Can I trust you, Basil?
Would you like to see why you can never exhibit that picture?
What's the matter?
Don't you recognize me?
What have you...?
That thing...
It isn't what...
Together, we've created something beautiful.
its miracle.
Look at me.
Look at me.
Because of your painting...
- it's not...
- .. this will never age.
Will never scar.
Can you even imagine being able to do anything you please...
.. and live out every whim and impulse while the world just sees you gleam?
This isn't you.
I know this isn't you. 
We can stop it!
Basil, please, don't.
Don't you see that this must be destroyed?
Dorian, I want to help you.
We'll find a priest or a spirit-worker.
{Scrape of broken glass}
There's good in your heart. 
Ian seen it.
You're not this... this devil!
i am god.
Basil.
Basil!
{Basil chokes}
{Basil moans gently}
{Flutter of wings}
{Echo of howling wind}
Good evening.
Need some help, sir?
How kind.
{Rattling thud}
All right.
Mind how you go, sir.
On you go.
{Ship's horn}
{Clanking and grinding}
{Woman screams}
{Moans of ecstasy}
{Rasping gasp}
{Rasping sigh}
Good day, Lady Victoria.
I was about to take Harry for lunch at Scott's.
Why don't you join us?
Oh, Dorian. 
You haven't heard.
They've found Basil's body in the river.
Thou art slave to Fate,
Chance, kings and desperate men,
And dost with poison, ware and sicknesses dwell,
And poppies or charms can make us sleep as well,
And better than thy stroke.
Why swell's thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally.
And death shall be no more.
Death, thou salt die.
Farewell, dear Basil.
DORIAN:
I spoke to the police again this morning.
And have the buffoons managed to make a single inch of progress?
They're convinced it was some Shadwell renter.
They think they'll catch him.
So Basil's name will be dragged through the gutter.
i am of a mind to take a trip, Harry.
Maybe you should join me.
- Where are you going?
- Everywhere.
I leave tomorrow.
With all this?
Someone once gave me some fine advice... .. about taking perspective.
Come with me.
The child is imminent.
Tell me everything.
I always do.
DORIAN:
Ian entered the tombs of dead nations, ridden with our last savage tribes.
I feel the brilliance of every moment, the splendour of existence and its awful... .. keen as the edge of a blade, this desperate will to see, touch and...
Dearest Harry, you taught me that life must burn with a hard flame.
Its light does not blind me, nor its heat sear me.
I am the flame, Harry.
I am the flame.
{Rasping gasp}
{Gramophone crackles}
HENRY: 
Women never have anything to say, but they say it charmingly.
They're the great triumph of matter over mind.
Well, here I am.
Dorian.
You look so... .. so...
He looks magnificent.
We have heard such tales.
i am afraid they're all absolutely and entirely... true.
Welcome back.
Some champagne?
Yes.
A- ha!
My missing guest of honour.
i am coming.
I was sorry for your loss.
You know, I kept hearing this phrase.
"Natural causes. "
Nature has a great deal to answer for.
She was so looking forward to the life of a divorcee.
And poor old Basil...
If we paid the police by results, we'd save the Treasury thousands.
When your letters stopped coming, I feared the worst.
But here you are.
So never mind the country estate.
Tell me, why are you really back?
- i am tired.
- You don't look it.
You have no right to melancholy.
Your life is exquisite.
You've drunk deeply of everything and it hasn't left a fleck on you.
Do you remember when I first came to London?
I felt so...
Those were the great days.
Dorian, it's quite clear why you've lost your passion for life.
You've been away from me for too long.
We must go out.
Take on the town, as we used to.
- Ian missed you, Harry.
- I must ask you, though...
What is your secret?
If I told you, Ian€™d have to kill you.
You still have it, I see.
- From Cairo.
- Where else?
Smile.
Emily.
May I?
I hope i am not interrupting your reminiscence?
The one charm of the past is that it's the past.
Oh. 
I hope you're not also a dreary old cynic?
What is there to believe in?
Our developments.
All I see is decay.
Well, religion?
Fashionable substitute for belief.
- Art?
- A malady.
- Love?
- An illusion.
Bravo!
Well, you both cut the world to pieces, don't you?
Thank you for the cigarette.
Unusual woman.
She ought to be. 
She's my daughter.
{Coughing and cries of pain}
Lie down.
{Man screams}
{Rasping gasp}
Dorian?
Dorian... its you.
Dorian!
BO Y: 
Oi, mister! 
Give us a penny!
Oi, mister. 
Mister. 
Penny for the Guy?
- Have you been in the war?
- i am too old.
Give us a couple of bob for a drink, will you?
{Cry of seagulls}
{Roll of thunder}
{Man coughs}
{Debris rattles underfoot}
Get up. 
Get up!
You...
Yeah, you... 
Dorian Gray.
- I think you're mistaken.
- I knew one day you'd come back.
- Wait, please...
- So many years Ian waited.
Wait! 
How many years?
- No more!
- How many years?
Look at me. 
Look at my face.
i am barely 20, man.
Can't be.
I don't know this... this Dorian Gray.
I think, sir, you are not well.
I...
Hospital.
They hurt me.
You tell him...
You tell him i am coming.
{Rasping gasp}
{Creaking and squelching}
VICTOR: 
A visitor, sir.
To what do I owe the pleasure?
I thought you might like to join me for lunch.
No, I don't think...
I made a picnic.
Yes, well, i am afraid I...
Ian€™d rather stay at home today.
Serious?
its going to rain.
Tell me, Mr. Gray.
Must you always play the cynic?
Hm?
Look up.
- Actually, Ian€™d rather you didn't...
- {Shutter clicks}
Oblige me, Mr. Gray.
Have you been pursuing this delightful hobby for long?
- No. its gift from my father.
- 
In return, he made me promise that I wouldn't chain myself to more railings.
For suffrage, Mr. Gray.
Well, don't you think that women should be given the vote?
I don't believe a woman should be given anything she can't wear at night.
What a loss to the Front you are.
Think of all those Germans that you could bayonet with your epigrams.
I do apologize if I offend.
Oh, no, you'll have to do rather better to offend me.
Then I humbly vow to redouble my efforts.
You know, I wonder if it's true, what they say about you.
That beneath all the charm, you're in fact quite heartless?
They say i am charming?
They say that you devote your whole life to pleasure.
Well, it's clearly to be recommended.
If I look as good as you in 25 years, I shall be thoroughly happy.
I can assure you, pleasure is very different from happiness.
I mean, some things are more precious because they don't last.
Mr. Gray... .. I believe I know your secret.
You do have a heart.
Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril.
How terrifying.
I may let you chauffeur me again, Mr. Gray.
So, Ian see you at Toynbee Hall tonight?
Until then.
{Strident, lively tune}
Alice.
Ian€™d crawl the sewers before Ian€™d let my flesh and blood near him.
- Sit down, Granddad!
- What kind of ungodliness grants the face of a babe to such a man?
Come along! 
Come along, my dear!
MAN: 
Completely unnatural!
What?
- Let him play!
- Quiet, please, ladies and gentlemen.
{Resumes tune}
{Playing becomes out of time}
You know, anyone would think you're ashamed to be seen with me.
What happened in the hall?
I don't know what you mean.
You saw something.
You're mistaken.
MAN: 
Well, I heard that he killed him.
MAN: 
We never ever again...
EMILY: 
Mr. Gray!
It would be better if we were not seen together.
Better for whom?
Tongues may wag against you.
I don't care what they say.
You should.
The truth is,
Ian done dreadful things.
My life...
My life has been a monstrous corruption.
And there will be a price.
I won't let anyone hurt you.
We should not meet again.
MAN: 
I told you it was him.
Step back.
i am coming for you, Dorian Gray.
WOMAN: 
You dirty bastard!
Dorian Gray, you bastard!
You're a disgrace!
Good evening, sir.
Mr. Harcourt here thinks there may be rats nesting in the attic.
- I haven't the key.
- Get out of my house.
But, Mr. Gray...
And you.
{Rattles bars}
With respect, sir... .. Ian been with your family for two generations.
Your effects will follow.
{Rasping breath}
{Rats squeak}
{Rasping breaths}
{Guttural growl}
- Argh!
- {Glass shatters}
{Low growl}
DORIAN: 
I want to be free.
I want to be... new, clean.
I want to be good.
Please.
Please, you have to help me.
If we repent,
God is faithful and just.
Confess your mortal sins.
- Confess your mortal...
- This is not my true face!
If you could see my soul...
Child, only God may see our souls.
I have seen my soul!
And I could show it to you.
its rotten.
It stinks.
its poison.
Help me.
You will die.
{Gurgling breaths}
i am sorry.
{Long, drawn-out gasp}
{Breathing stops}
Mr. Gray?
Miss Wotton.
Please forgive my intrusion at this late hour.
You're shaking.
- Look, come and sit by the fire.
- I want to tell you...
I want to tell you...
I want to tell you everything.
All right. 
Look at me.
Sh! 
What is it?
I need you...
I need you to know...
- what I am.
- Sh!
its all right. 
Listen, sh... it's all right.
Sh...
Harry.
Morning.
Sleep well?
Mr. Gray was in need of a friend.
Mmm.
Perhaps you could ask Mrs. Williams to prepare me some breakfast?
Of course.
-  
- So young.
The world is hers.
- Harry, I...
- How dare you!
- She's my daughter.
- Ian changed.
You've changed?
But you don't change, do you, Dorian?
Why is that?
Harry, you're my oldest friend...
You're against nature.
You stay away from her.
- I don't want this to get...
- Stay away from her!
Mr. Gray!
I should apologize for my father.
Last night, you wanted to tell me something.
- Dorian!
- I want to begin again.
Far away from everything here.
I see. 
Well, I wouldn't...
Everything except you.
Dorian!
Yes.
DORIAN: 
Are you sure this is what you want?
You're what I want.
As I recall, Mr. Gray stored it in the attic.
He certainly wanted to protect it.
What secrets does he unlock?
Nobody at all need know.
{Rasping breath}
Emily!
- What's the meaning of this?
- i am sorry...
Don't come up here.
Please.
Never.
Give me the key, please, Emily.
- Well, what's in there?
- Give me the key!
What's in there?
Please.
I beg you.
{Rasping groan}
DORIAN: its imperative it sails with us.
To New York, yes.
I shall wrap it myself, but Ian€™d be grateful if you'd send men to help carry it down.
Thank you.
The house should fetch a fine price, Mr. Gray.
Will you be leaving any of the furnishings?
All of them.
You know, I think that he wants to make amends.
We owe him the benefit of the doubt.
I couldn't let you go off to that ghastly continent without a farewell.
Come.
- I hear you sail at dawn?
- 
How romantic.
- Oh, to be young again.
HENRY: 
Easily done.
Can you recall any errors you made in your early days?
Very many, with much clarity.
HENRY: 
Then commit them over again.
To get back one's youth, one merely has to repeat one's follies.
-  
- Or you could barter your soul.
Darling, are you all right?
Clumsy.
Sorry, excuse me, will you?
{Car pulls up outside}
Sorry, darling, have you seen Harry?
No. 
But look. 
Look what he dug out.
You never told me there was a painting of you.
Where is it?
The war's this way, mate!
Harry.
I want to see it.
See what?
- Basil's picture.
- The picture was destroyed years ago.
I never liked it.
Show me.
its an old portrait of my grandfather.
Show me.
Would you really kill me, Harry?
You taught me that a man can rule his emotions.
But I can't.
I can't help loving your daughter more than Ian loved anything in my life.
And I can't help how dear I still hold our friendship.
Please...
Please don't do this.
Just old trinkets, Harry.
Why don't we go back to the party?
Basil...
Harry... {Eerie breath}
What are you?
I am what you made me!
I lived the life that you preached but never dared practice.
I am everything that you were too afraid to be.
But I was trying...
I was trying so hard... .. to be a better man.
i am sorry.
Kelso was right.
You are... 
You're death.
Dorian?
Dorian!
Harry, no!
- No!
- {Gurgling scream}
Aaaargh!
{Screeching breaths}
No! 
Come with me!
What are you doing? 
Where's Dorian?
Dorian?
- {Rattles bars} 
- Locked.
- Emily! 
No, leave him!
- No! 
No!
- No! 
Dorian...
- {Henry thuds to floor}
Give me the key.
Look, give me the key!
{Panting screams}
What's in there?
What's in there?
You have my whole heart, Emily.
Leave him!
My whole heart.
What...?
Emily, I beg you...
No...
Dorian!
Dorian!
No! 
Dorian!
Dorian!
Aaaargh!
Raaargh!
Aaaaaargh!
i am still her father, Agatha.
And i am merely asking that you tell her... .. that I miss her and that this will always be her home.
And maybe one day she'll want to listen.
Poor boy.
Who can bear to look at you now?
{Door closes}
{Key turns in lock}

Come on, sir, give us a penny!
Run!
Sorry.
Lucky heather, sir?
Come on, sir.
Looking for someone?
Er... 
Yes, actually, I...
Mr. Gray.
Welcome to London, sir.
Go on, lady. 
Off you go!
Whoa.
And here we are, sir.
Welcome home.
I hope you'll find everything to your liking, sir.
Nothing's changed since I was a boy.
Sir.
I'm sorry for your loss, sir.
May I prepare some tea?
Thank you, Victor.
I've no doubt London will hold many new friends and adventures for you.
- I hope so.
- So do I.
Oh! 
This is somebody you simply must meet.
This is one of our finest artists, Basil Hallward.
Agatha, please, a humble student of beauty.
- Oh.
- What do you think?
That's quite a likeness.
- Basil.
- Hmm?
I've been in London two weeks now.
And the only people I've met are Agatha's charitable group.
Well, you've met me.
Of course.
I didn't mean...
These parties are terribly dull, Dorian.
- You won't be missing anything.
- I'm sure you're right.
I just thought it might be fun.
Dear me, no.
Shabby.
Wife, drink.
There. 
I'll fetch us some drinks.
Find her a good husband who knows how to behave to a woman.
The only way to behave is to make love to her if she's pretty and to someone else if she's plain.
Excuse me.
Cigarette?
No, thank you.
I find a cigarette to be the perfect pleasure.
It is exquisite and leaves one unsatisfied.
You're Kelso's grandson.
Yes.
- Did you know him?
- I met him once.
It was enough to give a cheer last month when he rasped his last sour breath.
One assumes you inherited the withered old goat's estate?
Being a little orphan isn't all bad.
"An earnest young man with a beautiful nature," according to Agatha.
I'd pictured some freckled country oaf in ghastly dress.
I see I was only half right.
It could be worse.
Gladys Allonby's been dressed for her 14th birthday ever since her 40th.
If Radley spent less time in church and more at his tailor's, he might not so resemble a badly-bound hymn book.
Are you sure you won't take a cigarette?
I get them directly from Cairo.
I see you've met our charming host.
Hm?
Just pay no attention to anything he tells you.
How rude. 
Henry Wotton.
Victoria, my wife.
My aunt, alas, you know.
Oh, I'm so glad you've met.
You might learn some manners from this boy.
I've found some more guests for you to insult.
I knew I kept her for something.
I do hope our paths cross again, Mr. Gray.
Thank you for the cigarette...
cigarette.
An acquired taste.
- No, it's actually quite pleasant.
- No, I meant Henry.
There's some people I want you to meet.
Dorian...
Aren't you tired of looking at me yet?
Certainly not.
The more I look the more I see.
It must be nearly finished, man.
It isn't the Sistine Chapel.
Do you remember when I told you you could sit in if you were quiet?
- I want to see it.
- No, no, don't.
He won't even let me have a peek.
Agatha tells me your father was also an artist.
- Apparently so.
- Kelso must have been delighted, his daughter falling for some penniless painter.
No wonder they eloped.
- Well, I never knew my parents.
- Of course.
Typhus is so awful.
Your poor mother carried off in childbirth.
Do you take such interest in everyone you meet?
Not everyone I meet is so interesting.
Henry, why don't you go for a stroll, while I just work up the background?
You don't need Dorian for that.
Let's both take a break.
- Perhaps we should all get some air.
- Yes, and I know just the place.
Look. 
It's rancid! 
It's rancid!
It's only five days old. 
I'm not paying.
Come on, Dorian.
Sorry.
You see why Agatha is so keen to help Whitechapel?
Don't you think we should at least try to make a difference?
I've no desire to change anything in England, except the weather.
Welcome to my little Hellfire Club.
- Here you are, gents.
- In one.
No, don't, don't.
Barkeeper.
Again.
How say you and the handsome young man stuff me double?
Er, no, thank you.
We nonetheless wish you godspeed on your evening's quest for romance.
A little wider, my dear.
Don't worry. 
He's a doctor.
There's no shame in pleasure, Mr. Gray.
You see, man just wants to be happy.
But society wants him to be good.
And when he's good, Man is rarely happy.
But when he's happy, he's always good.
You do want to be good, don't you, Mr. Gray, and happy?
Isn't there a price to pay for that sort of business?
She's quite affordable.
But what I was asking was about the effect on...
Buy a lady a drink?
- On what?
- Well, on one's soul.
One's soul?
This is my church.
With this dram, right now, I nail my soul to the Devil's altar.
You'll never meet a more eloquent philosopher of pure folly.
Come on, Dorian.
It's time we showed you what we've made.
- Really?
- The boy hasn't finished his gin.
Go and fiddle with your background.
We'll be along shortly.
Your picture awaits you, Dorian.
Perhaps you should go and speak to her.
I didn't realize she...
Don't be timid. 
Go.
- I wouldn't know where to...
- You see, I envy you.
Me?
Everything's possible for you because you have the only two things worth having.
Youth... and beauty.
Come on, let's go.
The moment's lost.
That was probably her husband.
Yes, very sensible.
People die of common sense, Dorian, one lost moment at a time.
Life is a moment.
There is no hereafter.
So make it burn always with the hardest flame.
Well, Basil it's quite the best thing you've done.
You'll be the talk of the town.
Both of you.
Speak up, boy.
You'll hurt his feelings.
Is that really how I look?
It's just so life-like.
Better than life.
He'll always look like that.
You, Mr. Gray, I'm afraid will not.
In time, Mother Nature will come a very poor second to Father Basil.
- Some things are precious for not lasting.
- Poppycock.
We wither and scar because the gods are cruel and hateful.
Perhaps I should nail my soul to the Devil's altar.
And remain as you are?
Fair trade.
How about another gin instead?
All that hocus-pocus, endless conjurations, books bound in infant skin, pentacles of fire, drinking the blood of virgins.
Dorian wouldn't really barter his soul.
Would you, Dorian?
Would you?
Yes.
Oh, you really have captured something quite exquisite, Basil.
I've never known a subject so unaffected.
The brush just seemed to dance and I just painted what I saw.
Kelso will turn in his grave.
He didn't care to look at me.
He blamed me for my mother, for her death.
There are no limits to the ugliness of old men.
Lips!
- And his eyes!
Almost a match for the original.
I'm afraid you're gonna have to get used to being looked at.
Well, it's a fine painting.
- I don't mean the painting.
- Mr. Gray, if you please.
That went rather well, didn't it?
- A triumph, Mr. Gray.
The first of many.
May I say, sir, your mother would be very proud to see you today.
Shall I draw your bath?
It's rather early.
Do we have any gin?
I believe not, sir.
Then perhaps you might summon me a hansom?
- Go on, poke him!
- I am poking him!
Check his pockets!
Yes?
- Wet your pizzle, sir?
- Hello, handsome.
Boy!
Have a box, my lord?
Just a bob.
You've only missed a little.
This young lady...
Miss Sibyl Vane, my lord, in the role of Ophelia.
...see that noble and most sovereign reason like sweet bells jangled, out of tune and harsh.
That unmatched form and feature of blown youth blasted with ecstasy.
Oh, woe is me.
May I present the Theatre Royale's Miss Sibyl Vane, my lord?
I'm not really a lord.
I don't know why he keeps saying that.
We don't get many gentlemen in this theatre.
Really?
Well, then, I shall recommend it to them.
May I ask what brings you to my dressing room?
Well, I...
I just happened to be passing the theatre and...
- Well, you see, I was in the gin shop...
- I know.
You remember?
Well, a friend took me there for the first time.
Well, I say the first time.
Of course, I have...
Well, I wanted to...
wanted to say hello, but then you left with...
- With Jim.
- Yes.
Quite.
Jim.
My brother.
Brother?
- Mm.
- Well, that's splendid!
Sorry. 
It was wrong of me to...
Please forgive my intrusion, Miss Vane.
Wait! 
There's something you haven't told me.
Yes, of course.
I do beg your pardon.
Ophelia is a most challenging role and your performance this evening was... impeccable.
In fact, extraordinary.
In fact you are extraordinary.
And when I saw you on the stage, and even more so, now I stand before you,
I am awestruck and humbled by your radiance.
I meant your name.
You didn't tell me your name.
So, how many other girls do you bring here?
Hundreds.
Thousands.
- You must be courting dozens at least.
- No.
You can tell me the truth.
There's only you.
There's only you.
Tell me, what are your actual relations with this young thing?
- A fraction of respect, man.
- It's not like that. 
Sibyl's sacred.
It's only the scared things that are worth touching.
People nowadays fear their passions.
- Well, I don't.
- Of course you do.
We're taught terror from the nursery.
Terror of God, or, even worse, of scandal.
We're taught to spend our entire lives cowering in self-denial.
The truth, Mr. Gray, is that every impulse we strangle only poisons us.
You'll make him wish he'd never mentioned the girl.
Voila, monsieur.
There's something missing.
Thank you, Harry.
I took the liberty of filling it with my blend.
Oh, Dorian.
It's beautiful.
I just thought it would suit you.
I should be going.
Jim will worry.
Of course.
Or we could...
I mean...
You could stay here with me.
We shouldn't be afraid of our feelings, Sib.
It's just...
I've seen other girls who give themselves, and then I've seen what becomes of them.
I love you.
Forgive me. 
I didn't mean...
You're all I ever want in the world.
Boy!
You might have a little scar there.
Well, it won't be a first.
My back.
What?
You're perfect.
- Engaged?
- It's wonderful, isn't it?
I wanted you all to be the first to know.
- Congratulations, Dorian.
- Thank you.
May I ask how you came to propose marriage?
I suppose I didn't really make a formal proposal.
I told her I loved her. 
She said it was her dream come true to be my wife.
Women are wonderfully practical.
Will you all come and see her perform tonight?
I'm afraid I have an engagement.
And we're due at the Burdons.
Tell Burdon I'll see him tomorrow.
Why don't you hail us a hansom, Dorian?
- I love acting.
- Goodbye, ladies.
So much more real than life.
I hope you're pleased with yourself.
Every experience is of value.
And marriage is certainly an experience.
Nobody is amused this time, Henry.
I'll talk to him.
I got the sense the others don't quite approve.
Especially Basil.
Perhaps Basil should be a little more fearless with his own feelings.
I thought we might make a little stop en route to the theatre.
I too have news.
It seems my wife is with child.
Oh, congratulations.
Don't be absurd.
It's the beginning of the end.
So, indulge me.
- Ah, Harry.
- Alan.
Firkytoodling at last, I see.
- Come along, ladies.
- It's good to see you.
How delightful.
Hello.
Drink up.
It won't be long before you're anchored to the perambulator.
I don't think so.
Our friend is to marry.
Ah, but we haven't had a chance to win your heart.
Oh, well.
Farewell to youth.
No.
Watch your step.
Does Victoria know you come here?
My dear boy, the one of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary.
Well, perhaps I have a stronger conscience.
Conscience is just a polite term for cowardice.
No civilized man regrets a pleasure.
You see?
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Be searching always for new sensations, Dorian.
Come.
Come upstairs.
Forbid yourself nothing.
- Come.
- Nobody at all need know.
Come with me.
The pleasure is all mine.
- I've heard so much about you.
- And I you.
Did you enjoy the show?
I couldn't see you in the audience.
I'm afraid we ran a little late.
Oh, where were you?
At the club.
The truth is, my dear, we were celebrating your wonderful news.
Very many congratulations.
And Harry is to be a father.
How wonderful.
- Indeed.
- In one.
I'm sure you're eager to start a family yourself?
Very much.
Well, not quite yet.
- Good night.
- Good night, Charlie.
Good night.
We're a little young, don't you think?
Are we?
Perhaps I should take my leave.
- Good night.
- Er...
See you tomorrow, Harry.
I'm sure.
I don't think we need to rush, that's all.
You sound different.
Not at all.
Were you at the club all night?
Yes.
He's a better liar than you.
What?
I was just saying everything is so soon.
- I gave myself to you.
- Sibyl, please!
- I thought you loved me.
- And I do!
Then make me your wife, not one of your whores!
I think perhaps I ought to go.
Don't let him do this, Dorian.
- This has nothing to do with Harry.
- You said you loved me!
And I do! 
I do!
Dorian, please!
Please, Dorian!
Please, I love you!
Oh, Henry! 
Dorian!
Tell me, how was last night's performance?
I'm sorry.
Have a drink.
I can introduce you to the artist later, if you like.
Never marry, Mr. Gray.
It's the only way to keep all one's illusions.
Chin up, dear boy.
You've a face like a slapped nancy.
You'll love again.
And again.
Do you have your cigarettes?
Of course.
Don't fear it, Dorian.
The world is yours.
For a season.
Hello, Victor.
Could you fetch us a bottle of the...?
Anything!
- What's the matter?
- You've a visitor, sir.
A Mr. Vane.
He seems disturbed.
We'll wait in the library.
Victor, how about that bottle?
To what do I owe the pleasure, Jim?
Can I er...
Can I get you something to drink?
I don't want this in my house.
What happened with Sibyl was very unfortunate.
But this was a gift and she really should keep...
It's filthy.
She was wearing it when they pulled her from the river.
Why on earth was she...?
She... she can't...
She can't...
I wanted you to know... she loved you.
She was going to have your child.
And you killed her.
Jim! 
Jim!
Get up!
Are you all right, sir?
Let me... 
Let me help you up.
- Sibyl's dead.
- Come.
- Now, now.
- Good night, ladies.
Get up. 
Get up!
We can't have maniacs threatening decent people in their own homes.
Alan treats a number of such deranged cases at Broadmoor.
Just until he settles down.
I feel confident that any inquest into this unfortunate business will find no connection whatsoever with Mr. Gray.
Taking you downtown.
This wasn't your fault, Dorian.
- Kelso said I was death.
- Well, he was wrong.
Salome.
- Harry!
- And...
You're not making sense.
No! 
Please!
He's part of me, Harry.
- I turn all love into death.
- Dorian. 
Dorian!
Into death. 
Death!
Kelso was a bitter ruin of a man and he's dead.
What's past is past.
Experience makes us strong, Dorian.
And you need to see this episode for what it really is.
An extraordinary experience.
- I can't be so heartless.
- It isn't heartless.
It's finding a perspective.
Most lack the strength to rise above life's suffering.
To rule one's emotions, to savor them that takes a man of will.
Alan left this for you.
Drink. 
Doctor's orders.
I should be going.
I'll call in the morning.
Thank you, Harry.
You are a man of will, Dorian.
I knew it from the first.
Dorian, Dorian...
I'm so, so sorry.
Harry... 
Harry told me about poor Sibyl.
If there's anything I can do...
anything...
You're very kind. 
I'm actually just on my way to see Harry now.
- Are you coming to the Radleys' ball?
- Er...
Where's my picture?
The light was too strong in here.
The light was perfect.
Where have you put it?
It's quite safe.
The truth is, I don't want it on public show.
It's just too valuable.
I could forgive the vagaries of grief if you actually seemed to be grieving.
I was... stricken.
But what's past is past.
Every experience is of value.
Drink?
You shouldn't believe every word Harry says.
He doesn't.
Isn't this all just ghastly?
Radley gloating with pitiful pride ...while his love-starved wife parades their daughter ...like a sow truffling for husbands.
Delightful little filly.
And poor Celia.
Trussed up in a doily for some chinless miscreant to eternally enslave.
I suggest we raise a little hell.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I know who you are, Mr. Gray.
Allow me to offer my congratulations on your ravishing debut.
Perhaps a small toast.
To what?
Intoxication.
- Here she comes.
- Who?
Celia?
- Celia?
- Problem, Lady Radley?
My daughter, I can't find her.
And nor can I find your Mr. Gray.
Perhaps they're in the garden.
The arrangements are marvelous.
Might I hazard an alternative suggestion?
Celia!
- Is something the matter?
- Celia!
Where is my daughter, you beast?
I was just attending to my costume.
A little of Lord Radley's very fine Burgundy was spilt on my shirt cuff.
Mr. Gray, I...
- Lord Henry gave me to understand...
- A mistake.
Nobody at all need know.
You're too kind, Mr. Gray.
- Thank you.
- It must be difficult, a party like this.
Seeing your daughter come of age.
Makes you long for your own youth.
I...
Madam, forgive me but you are exquisite.
Oh, Mr. Gray.
This is most improper.
Now, where were we?
What are you grinning about, Gray?
I think Harry's just lost a wager.
Well, come on, out with it.
We're all gambling men here.
Just a little round of double or nothing.
Of course, a good gambler understands that there are limits.
There are no limits.
Have a wonderful birthday, Dorian!
Dorian.
This crush is your finest yet.
One has to do something to null the pain of age.
Do tell my husband not to be so disagreeable.
But I always agree with him.
Congratulations, Basil.
I hear you have a new exhibition.
Yes, yes, in Paris.
Yes, in fact, I wanted to ask a question of you, Dorian.
I'd like to make your portrait my principal piece.
Oh, yes, that picture.
Absolutely wonderful.
- Whatever became of it?
- I haven't seen it myself in some months.
- Dorian's very protective of it, aren't you?
- Indeed I am.
I'm very sorry, Basil, but it's just too precious.
I won't have it out of the house.
I beg your pardon.
Did you want me?
That picture is my finest work and it'd be greatly appreciated...
The greatest gift that anyone could ever have given.
In fact...
In fact, I wish that I could tell you just how great.
But then it isn't so unreasonable to borrow it back a little while.
I'm not sure that I've ever fully expressed my gratitude.
I hardly think...
I have the key to your heart.
Don't touch that ever!
Dorian!
He's young.
But he was never cruel till he met you.
That's mine.
Oh, it's you.
- I thought you'd gone home.
- I just needed a walk.
I was just about to go to bed.
Everyone's left.
I'm here to see you, not them.
Really?
Wait, wait.
I don't know where to begin.
How ominous.
- You terrified that poor boy tonight.
- He seemed to recover.
Is that what you tell yourself about Celia Radley?
Look, I'm sorry about her misfortune.
But do you really believe that I'm to blame?
But I know you're treating people poorly.
Even me, when I ask you the small favor that you loan me my own picture...
- Is that what this is about?
- No, it's about a good damn more!
Dorian...
What happened to the Dorian Gray I painted?
You just don't understand.
I will always be that Dorian.
Can I trust you, Basil?
Would you like to see why you can never exhibit that picture?
What's the matter?
Don't you recognize me?
What? 
What have you...?
That thing...
It isn't what...
Together, we've created something beautiful.
It's a miracle.
Look at me.
Look at me.
Because of your painting...
- It's not...
- this will never age.
Will never scar.
Can you even imagine... being able to do anything you please and live out every whim and impulse while the world just sees you gleam?
This isn't you.
I know this isn't you.
We can stop it!
Basil, please, don't.
Don't you see that this must be destroyed?
Dorian, I want to help you.
We'll find a priest or a spirit-worker.
There's good in your heart.
I've seen it.
You're not this this devil!
I'm a god.
Basil.
Basil!
Good evening.
Need some help, sir?
How kind.
Alright.
Mind how you go, sir.
On you go.
Good day, Lady Victoria.
I was about to take Harry for lunch at Scott's.
Why don't you join us?
Oh, Dorian. 
You haven't heard.
They've found Basil's body in the river.
Thou art slave to Fate,
Chance, kings and desperate men,
And dost with poison, warre and sickness dwell,
Poppies or charmes can make us sleep as well,
And better than thy stroke.
Why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally.
And death shall be no more.
Death, thou shalt die.
Farewell, dear Basil.
I spoke to the police again this morning.
And have the buffoons managed to make a single inch of progress?
They're convinced it was some Shadwell renter.
They think they'll catch him.
So Basil's name will be dragged through the gutter.
I'm of a mind to take a trip, Harry.
Maybe you should join me.
- Where are you going?
- Everywhere.
I leave tomorrow.
With all this?
Someone once gave me some fine advice about taking perspective.
Come with me.
The child is imminent.
Tell me everything.
I always do.
I've entered the tombs of dead nations, ridden with our last savage tribes.
I feel the brilliance of every moment, the splendor of existence and its awful keen as the edge of a blade, this desperate will to see, touch and...
Dearest Harry, you taught me that life must burn with a hard flame.
Its light does not blind me, ...nor its heat sear me.
I am the flame, Harry.
I am the flame.
Women never have anything to say, but they say it charmingly.
They're the great triumph of matter over mind.
Well, here I am.
Dorian.
You look so so...
He looks magnificent.
We have heard such tales.
I'm afraid they're all absolutely and entirely... true.
Welcome back.
Some champagne?
Yes.
A- ha!
My missing guest of honor.
I'm coming.
I was sorry for your loss.
You know, I kept hearing this phrase.
"Natural causes. "
Nature has a great deal to answer for.
She was so looking forward to the life of a divorcee.
And poor old Basil...
If we paid the police by results, we'd save the Treasury thousands.
When your letters stopped coming, I feared the worst.
But here you are.
So never mind the country estate.
Tell me, why are you really back?
- I'm tired.
- You don't look it.
You have no right to melancholy.
Your life is exquisite.
You've drunk deeply of everything and it hasn't left a fleck on you.
Do you remember when I first came to London?
I felt so...
Those were the great days.
Dorian, it's quite clear why you've lost your passion for life.
You've been away from me for too long.
We must go out.
Take on the town, as we used to.
- I've missed you, Harry.
- I must ask you, though...
What is your secret?
If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
You still have it, I see.
- From Cairo.
- Where else?
Smile.
Emily.
May I?
I hope I'm not interrupting your reminiscence?
The one charm of the past is that it's the past.
Oh. 
I hope you're not also a dreary old cynic?
What is there to believe in?
Our developments.
All I see is decay.
Well, then religion?
Fashionable substitute for belief.
- Art?
- A malady.
- Love?
- An illusion.
Bravo!
Well, you both cut the world to pieces, don't you?
Thank you for the cigarette.
Unusual woman.
She ought to be.
She's my daughter.
Lie down.
Dorian?
Dorian...
It's you.
Dorian!
Oi, mister!
Give us a penny!
Oi, mister. 
Mister.
Penny for the guy?
- Have you been in the war?
- I'm too old.
Give us a couple of bob for a drink, will you?
Get up. 
Get up!
You...
Yeah, you... 
Dorian Gray.
- I think you're mistaken.
- I knew one day you'd come back.
- Wait, please...
- So many years I've waited.
Wait! 
How many years?
- No more!
- How many years?
Look at me.
Look at my face.
I'm barely 20, man.
Can't be.
I don't know this this Dorian Gray.
I think, sir, you are not well.
I...
Hospital.
They hurt me.
You tell him...
You tell him I'm coming.
A visitor, sir.
To what do I owe the pleasure?
I thought you might like to join me for lunch.
No, I don't think...
I made a picnic.
Yes, well, I'm afraid I...
I'd rather stay at home today.
Serious?
It's going to rain.
Tell me, Mr. Gray.
Must you always play the cynic?
Hm?
Look up.
Actually, I'd rather you didn't...
Oblige me, Mr. Gray.
Have you been pursuing this delightful hobby for long?
No. 
It's a gift from my father.
In return, he made me promise that I wouldn't chain myself to anymore railings.
For suffrage, Mr. Gray.
Well, don't you think that women should be given the vote?
I believe a woman should be given anything she can't wear in the evening.
What a loss to the Front you are.
Think of all those Germans that you could bayonet with your epigrams.
I do apologize if I offend.
Oh, no, you'll have to do rather better to offend me.
Then I humbly vow to redouble my efforts.
You know, I wonder if it's true, what they say about you.
That beneath all the charm, you're in fact quite heartless?
They say I'm charming?
They say that you devote your whole life to pleasure.
Well, it's clearly to be recommended.
If I look as good as you in 25 years, I shall be thoroughly happy.
I can assure you, pleasure is very different from happiness.
I mean, some things are more precious because they don't last.
Mr. Gray I believe I know your secret.
You do have a heart.
Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril.
How terrifying.
I may let you chauffeur me again, Mr. Gray.
So, I'll see you at Toynbee Hall tonight?
Until then.
Alice.
I'd crawl the sewers before I'd let my flesh and blood near him.
- Sit down, Granddad!
- What kind of unholiness grants the face of a babe to such a man?
Come along!
Come along, my dear!
Completely unnatural!
What?
- Let him play!
- Quiet, please, ladies and gentlemen.
You know, anyone would think you're ashamed to be seen with me.
What happened in the hall?
I don't know what you mean.
You saw something.
You're mistaken.
Well, I heard that he killed him.
We never ever again...
Mr. Gray!
It would be better if we were not seen together.
Better for whom?
Tongues may wag against you.
I don't care what they say.
You should.
The truth is,
I've done dreadful things.
My life...
My life has been a monstrous corruption.
And there will be a price.
I won't let anyone hurt you.
We should not meet again.
I told you it was him.
Step back.
I'm coming for you, Dorian Gray.
You dirty bastard!
Dorian Gray, you bastard!
You're a disgrace!
Good evening, sir.
Mr. Harcourt here thinks there may be rats nesting in the attic.
- I haven't the key.
- Get out of my house.
But, Mr. Gray...
And you.
With respect, sir I've been with your family for two generations.
Your effects will follow.
I want to be free.
I want to be... new, clean.
I want to be good.
Please.
Please, you have to help me.
If we repents,
God is faithful and just.
Confess your mortal sins.
- Confess your mortal...
- This is not my true face!
If you could see my soul...
Child, only God may see our souls.
I have seen my soul!
And I could show it to you.
It's rotten.
It stinks.
It's poison.
Help me.
You will die.
I'm sorry.
Mr. Gray?
Miss Wotton.
Please forgive my intrusion at this late hour.
You're shaking.
- Look, come and sit by the fire.
- I want to...
I want to tell you...
I want to tell you everything.
All right. 
Look at me.
Sh! 
What is it?
I need you...
I need you to know...
- what I am.
- Sh!
It's all right.
Listen, sh...
It's all right.
Harry.
Good morning.
Sleep well?
Mr. Gray was in need of a friend.
Perhaps you could ask Mrs. Williams to prepare me some breakfast?
Of course.
So young.
The world is hers.
- Harry, I...
- How dare you!
- She's my daughter.
- I've changed.
You've changed?
But you don't change, do you, Dorian?
Why is that?
- Harry, you're my oldest friend...
- You're against nature.
You stay away from her.
- I don't want this to get...
- Stay away from her!
Mr. Gray!
I should apologize for my father.
Last night, you wanted to tell me something.
- Dorian!
- I want to begin again.
Far away from everything here.
I see. 
Well, I wouldn't...
Everything except you.
Dorian!
Yes.
Are you sure this is what you want?
You're what I want.
As I recall, Mr. Gray stored it in the attic.
He certainly wanted to protect it.
What secrets does he unlock?
Nobody at all need know.
Emily!
Emily!
- What's the meaning of this?
- I'm sorry...
Don't come up here.
Please.
Never.
Give me the key, please, Emily.
- Well, what's in there?
- Give me the key!
What's in there?
Please.
I beg you.
It's imperative it sails with us.
To New York.
I shall wrap it myself, but I'd be grateful if you'd send men to help carry it down.
Thank you.
The house should fetch a fine price, Mr. Gray.
Will you be leaving any of the furnishings?
All of them.
You know, I think that he wants to make amends.
We owe him the benefit of the doubt.
I couldn't let you go off to that ghastly continent without a farewell.
Come.
I hear you sail at dawn?
How romantic.
- Oh, to be young again.
- Easily done.
Can you recall any great errors you made in your early days?
Very many, with much clarity.
Then commit them over again.
To get back one's youth, one merely has to repeat one's follies.
Or you could barter your soul.
Darling, are you all right?
Clumsy.
Sorry, excuse me, will you?
Sorry, darling, have you seen Harry?
No. 
But look.
Look what he dug out.
You never told me there was a painting of you.
Where is it?
The war's this way, mate!
Harry.
I want to see it.
See what?
- Basil's picture.
- Basil's picture was destroyed years ago.
I never liked it.
Show me.
It's an old portrait of my grandfather.
Show me.
Would you really kill me, Harry?
You taught me that a man can rule his emotions.
But I can't.
I can't help that I love your daughter more than I've loved anything in my entire life.
And I can't help how dear I still hold our friendship.
Please...
Please don't do this.
Just old trinkets, Harry.
Why don't we go back to the party?
Basil...
Harry...
What are you?
I am what you made me!
I lived the life that you preached but never dared practice.
I am everything that you were too afraid to be.
But I was trying...
I was trying so hard to be a better man.
I'm sorry.
Kelso was right.
You are... 
You're death.
Dorian?
Dorian!
Harry, no!
No!
No! 
Come with me!
- What?
What are you doing?
Where's Dorian?
Dorian?
Locked!
- Emily! 
No, leave him!
- No, no... 
No!
Dorian...
Give me the key.
Look, give me the key!
What's in there?
What's in there?
You have my whole heart, Emily.
Leave him!
My whole heart.
What...?
Emily, I beg you...
No...
Dorian!
Dorian!
No! 
Dorian!
Dorian!
I'm still her father, Agatha.
And I'm merely asking that you tell her that I miss her and that this will always be her home.
And maybe one day she'll want to listen.
Poor boy.
Who can bear to look at you now?

[Intro to Buddy's "Say a Lot" plays]
% % Golden rings around your head Never show % %
% % We don't seem like ourselves Anymore % %
% % Never really takes a lot To lose you % %
% % Make a wish on a falling star % %
% % Wish I was who you wish I was % %
% % Never really takes a lot To lose you % %
% % I don't have to say a lot To lose you % %
% % Oh % %
% % You don't have to leave a light on % %
% % Oh, no % %
% % Even though I'm coming home % %
% % You should start % %
% % Without me % %
% % Still, I miss you the most When you're here % %
% % Never really takes a lot To lose you % %
% % I don't have to say a lot To lose you % %
[Gasps]
[Groans]
[Giggles]
Why can't you get a makeover at Macy's like all the normal girls?
You're jumpy.
You back on regular coffee?
No.
I just get into a groove when I'm working.
Plus, I'm not used to my subjects grabbing me.
But again, if you want to grab me, who am I to stop you?
Sure, I'll grab you, but you're probably not gonna like it.
[Door opens, wheels rolling]
I know you know this, but I'm not supposed to have live girls in the embalming room.
You never cared about the rules before.
Anyway, I'm practicing.
I don't think being dead is something you need to practice.
Don't kick me out.
You're gonna get me fired.
Your boss wouldn't know a live girl from a coat rack.
Yeah, well, let's not test that theory.
[Inhales deeply]
Mm. 
You know what I'm in the mood for?
I'm afraid to ask.
Young mother.
Newlyweds.
- Super-emotional family.
- No.
Can't you at least just tell me when?
Uh, no.
What about, like, a little funeral?
Here's an idea.
Why don't you go rent "Terms of Endearment"
or "Steel Magnolias"?
I've seen all those.
My DVD rack is, like, a manic-depressive's last cry for help, and still, not a tear.
You'll be doing a public service.
You'll be making me a whole person.
Come on.
I need it.
[Footsteps approach]
Uh, I think someone's coming in.
Here goes.
[Knock on door]
That door was locked.
Yeah, sorry about that.
Oh. 
Ah, ah.
Oh.
Wow, she's hot.
I've never seen a hot dead girl before.
Yeah, I was just, uh, finishing up.
Yeah, I see you're finishing up here.
I think you remember my nephews.
Yeah.
Good to see you guys.
Yo, we don't touch the bodies.
That's right, boys.
This is the loved one of a client.
Yep.
Which client, Shane?
Oh, um, this is the Carters' daughter.
- Right, yeah.
- Yeah.
[Sighs, clears throat]
[Metal clatters]
Oh, whoa.
Aren't you gonna pick those up?
Yeah.
Okay.
I've got to say, that's really some expert work there, Shane.
Thank you.
Okay, let's, uh...
let's go, boys.
- Oh, come on.
- Let us stay.
No, no. 
It's cold in here, okay?
It's stuffy. 
Come on.
Thank you, Shane.
Yeah.
[Door closes]
[Gasps]
[Laughs]
[Scoffs]
One more funeral.
No.
Go read the obituaries like a normal person.
The obituaries are so hit-and-miss.
But you know these families.
Just give me one that's gonna rip my heart out.
Look...
I appreciate your healthy respect for the funeral-home business, for death, even.
But I am, as always, teetering on the brink of unemployment, and your visits are not helping.
I'm not going to help you, not this time.
Absolutely, positively, categorically...
No pain.
No hardship.
Anna is truly in a better place.
I saw Anna at church every Sunday when she was a girl.
This bright light was struck down in the very prime of her life by a tragic car accident.
She was a charitable person, a devoted daughter, and sister... and friend.
The day my daughter was born was the happiest day of my life, until the next day and the day after that.
[Clears throat]
I guess I should tell you who Anna really was.
Anna was the goofiest girl I ever met in my life.
The very first time I ever met her, she walked up to me in the hall of our dorm and kissed me on the mouth.
She was a lot of things.
She was a... she was a pink-haired cheerleader in high school, the karaoke bully in college, an Internet whiz kid who couldn't calculate a tip to save her life.
She was bold and unafraid, always the first one out on the dance floor at a party, using her bad French wherever she went in Paris, and loving the people in her life with great abandon.
I know that a day won't pass for me without picturing her lopsided smile.
[Sobs]
And the world's a lesser place for having lost her.
[Organ plays softly]
[Indistinct conversations]
[Gasps]
Oh, no.
Good of you to come.
I, uh, um...
I... 
I liked what you said.
I don't think I've ever met you before.
I thought I knew all of Anna's friends.
No, we haven't met.
- Um, I'm Carys.
- Hi.
- What was that?
- I don't know.
Did something fall?
No, I don't think so.
I thought I saw something.
Will you...
will you help me look for it?
I don't see anything.
I could have sworn.
So, you must be a friend of the family.
Uh, yes, exactly, a friend of the family's, good friend of the family's...
known them for years.
You must have heard a lot of shit about me, then.
Mm, no. 
No, I didn't.
MARY:
Tyler.
Here come Anna's parents now.
[Sobbing]
Uh, who are...
Ah, it's okay. 
It's okay.
Shh, you're okay.
It's okay. 
Shh.
Tyler, could you give us a moment, please?
Of course.
Hey, okay. 
It's okay.
Hey, hey, hey.
Carys, you okay?
I can't... go.
[Gasping]
Excuse me?
I think I should just stay right here.
No, maybe a stroll will do you good.
- Oh, hey.
- Oh, honey.
Are you okay? 
Carys?
You okay?
I'm sorry. 
I'm fine now.
Yes, thank you.
- Let's go outside.
- Okay.
Okay.
[Sighs]
So, I guess you're gonna ride to the cemetery with the family?
No.
Oh, well, you know, I hadn't planned on it.
You brought your own car?
Oh, good.
I could use a break.
Where are you parked?
Oh, you know what?
It's a bit of a walk, so...
No, the fresh air will do us good.
Okay.
You were Anna's boyfriend?
She never mentioned me?
Yes, no, no, no, she did, just in more general terms.
What terms were those?
Oh, the usual, that you were sweet and romantic, and... that she loved you that you had a really, really big, um...
That...
that sounds like her.
She used to always say things are bigger in Texas.
You don't sound like you're from Texas.
Austin.
It's not all howdys and y'alls down there, you know?
Guess not.
- Where's your car?
- Right here.
That wasn't that far.
[Sobbing]
I need to see Anna.
Please, I need to see her again.
Mary, I'm sorry.
[Sniffles]
Where's her ring?
Where's her ring?
- Where's the ring?
!
- What?
Her engagement ring is missing.
WOMAN: 
Oh, my goodness, that gorgeous ring.
- Where's her ring?
- What's going on?
Her ring. 
Her engagement ring's not on her hand.
You better talk to them right now.
These funeral home guys, they're all crooks.
Her poor fiancé.
Can you imagine, losing Anna, and now this?
WOMAN:
Poor fiancé nothing.
Don't tell me you haven't heard the rumors about what happened.
What happened?
- TYLER: 
Where's her ring?
- IRVING: 
Uh, what ring?
She had an engagement ring on when she came in.
Uh, we'll look in her list of possessions, but she has to have any jewelry she was brought in with.
Well, that's the thing.
She doesn't have all the jewelry that she was brought in with.
We'll be happy to look into that with you at the funeral home after the service.
You better believe it.
Oh, okay.
Can you do me a favor and just come in with me?
I mean, it'll only take a minute.
You know what?
I really have to be getting home.
I know. 
I know. 
I'm sorry.
But I have to get her ring back.
Tyler, I can explain.
It was an accident.
I, um...
- Oh, good.
- I'm so, so...
I... 
I... oh, I have something in my eye!
You okay?
Oh, yeah, I'm fine. 
I'm fine.
I'm totally fine.
I just need to get it.
You know what?
I'll meet you there in a second.
- Okay.
- Okay.
You know, this never happens.
The ring is on the list, but for some reason...
Well, let's go in and look.
We'll go in and look.
[Sighs]
[Door opens]
[Sighs]
- Hi.
- Hi.
Sorry.
You got a minute?
I want to ask you something.
I'm a Pisces.
[Chuckles]
You're quick, in more ways than one.
Name's Varnez.
[Door opens]
Ah, just the person I was looking for.
Sorry, not interested.
Let's go, please.
[Engine revs]
Don't you want to know who he is?
I don't think I can take any more surprises this evening.
Irving acted all concerned, checked his records, said the ring was logged, doesn't know what happened to it.
Criminal.
Well, maybe he's telling the truth.
She loved that ring more than she loved me.
She never took it off.
I brought her in with it.
I know it was on her hand.
Man.
You were with her when she... died?
I'm sorry.
That must have been terrible.
I'm a little bit parched. 
Thirsty?
[Sighs]
Let's just drop all the grieving conversation for a second.
Do you have any pets?
I have a high-strung roommate with an eating disorder.
Does that count?
It might.
[Chuckles]
How about you?
I have a short, portly dog of questionable disposition.
- Terrier?
- French bulldog.
I wanted a Scotty growing up.
But we never had any pets.
That's crazy.
We've got laws against that in Texas.
Every kid has to have a dog.
Where did you grow up, anyway?
San Diego.
There's lots of open space there, lots of yards.
Well, my parents just thought it would be... untidy.
Well, that's for sure, because I can't wear anything for more than 10 minutes before Randy slobbers all over, puts his dirty paws on it, and, on his very worst days, bites a damn hole in it.
It's obscene.
Do you see your parents a lot?
Well...
The truth is, no.
I hardly ever see them.
I never see them.
That's too charged a subject to discuss with a stranger, isn't it?
Oh, yeah, we're strangers.
Tyler Cormier.
Carys Reitman.
You know...
I never even... heard a word about you from Anna, not even a whisper.
You know what?
About that, I, um...
No, it's okay. 
I mean, Anna and I both had our own secrets.
I guess she just wanted you to be one of hers.
It's getting late.
[Sighs]
[Footsteps]
I thought you were out of town with what's-his-name.
We broke up.
Typical.
Did I scare you?
No.
You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that.
Nice black dress.
Funerals again, huh?
You're never gonna feel anything.
You're broken inside.
Get over it.
We're roommates in lease obligation only.
My personal life is none of your business.
- Ghoul.
- Puritan.
- Vampire.
- Pollyanna.
[Horn honks]
[Sighs]
I'm completely hung over.
Hair of the dog, bro.
Hair of the dog.
- Hey, Carys.
- Mm.
Good morning.
Hey, there.
So, how are we doing?
Good. 
We'll be done for dress rehearsal next week.
RYAN:
You have a good weekend?
Yeah, it was great.
Well, I think they're rehearsing the ending today.
Mm-hmm.
RYAN:
You know, your favorite scene?
The tragic, heart-wrenching, soul-killing ending?
Mm.
[Aspirator sucking]
[Door opens]
- [Screams] - [Gasps]
Please tell me you were stealthy coming in.
Like a ninja.
You know that now that my boss thinks you're a corpse, we're probably gonna have to find a different place for us to hang out.
You were right about that funeral yesterday.
I probably shouldn't have gone.
There was, um... an accident.
What do you mean, there was an accident?
I was leaning over her...
Anna... and she just reminded me of...
I held her hand, and her, um...
No.
- Her ring just...
- Don't say another word.
...slipped off in my hand.
Have you lost your mind?
Her henchman of a boyfriend came in here and threatened to take us to court until we're so broke we end up burying our clients in burlap sacks.
You have to understand.
It's not his fault. 
It's my fault.
Exactly, and now I'm gonna get fired because of it.
Why?
You didn't do anything wrong.
I'm the reason you were there, trespassing at the funeral, where you just so happened to steal some very expensive jewelry.
Wait, calm down.
I thought we could just return the ring.
- Return the ring?
- Yeah.
Just give it back to her.
Back to Anna Williams the dead girl who we buried yesterday?
You know, you've got all the equipment.
- Couldn't we just...
- Couldn't we just what?
Dig her up and then slide the ring back on her finger?
Do you know how much that equipment costs?
Could you imagine what would happen if her family came to visit and her grave was above ground, and you and I just happened to be giving back her jewelry?
That's it!
We go in the middle of the night!
Stop talking right now.
We cannot return the ring to the dead girl.
Now, you're gonna have to get it and give it back to her family or her fiancé or whoever you like, and explain yourself.
Okay, well, how am I gonna do that?
I can't just be like, "Oops, look what I found in my pocket."
I can't just find the ring here.
The family will think we're thieves.
I know it's strange, but corpse-robbing funeral homes actually don't get a lot of business.
[Sighs]
[Doorbell rings]
[Sighs]
[Gasps]
Uh, Carys?
Hi.
It's... weird that I'm here, isn't it?
Weird? 
No.
But you slammed the door in my face.
It slipped.
How did you find me?
I... 
I looked you up.
You have a very unique name.
- Can I come in?
- In here?
Sure. 
Sorry.
[Sighs]
[Sighs]
Oh, have a seat.
Thanks.
[Sighs]
You know what?
It's good that you're here, actually.
It is?
There's something I need to tell you.
Have you ever had an unusual hobby?
Well, I like to needlepoint.
[Laughs]
Okay, I'm gonna start over.
My sister died young, younger than Anna.
Oh, wow, I'm sorry to hear that.
Thank you.
That must have been so hard for you to go to Anna's funeral.
I mean, first your sister, and then your good friend.
That's why you were acting so funny.
You know what?
About that, um...
Stop. 
You don't have to explain anything to me.
You helped me yesterday when I needed it.
I... 
I was so low.
I don't know how I would have gotten through the day without you.
Tyler, I have to apologize to you.
Can I ask you a question?
Sure.
It's been a terrible week, you know, like a heart-wrenching, not-sure-how-you're-gonna get-through-it kind of week.
So, if you're gonna say anything at all that's gonna make me feel worse, even just a little bit worse, can it wait?
I don't think I can take it.
Sure.
You know, actually, I came over here to ask you for a favor.
- You did?
- Another favor.
I have to go to Anna's parents' house for dinner.
Uh-huh.
And I don't think I can face them alone.
Um, dinner... dinner...
with Jim and Mary.
John and Mary.
Right. 
I call him... 
Jim.
[Chuckles]
It's a nickname.
It's a long story.
Please tell me you'll come to dinner.
I can't. 
I actually have quite a lot of work.
Um, we're building a new set, so I'm modeling the entire thing back there on my computer right now.
It's crazy.
I understand. 
It's...
You know, it's funny.
I don't even know you, but it feels like you're the only friend I've got, you know, like, the only person who really knows what I'm going through, because you loved her, too.
I wish I could.
I would if I could go to their house with you.
I... no, I-I-I understand.
It'll probably be miserable, anyway.
Yeah. 
No, I mean...
Do you mind if I use your bathroom before I... 
I go?
No, the bathroom's right there.
Tyler, wait!
My... my room is a mess.
[Toilet flushes]
[Gasps]
Oh, don't... don't clean up on my account.
[Gasps]
So, I guess...
guess I should say adios.
This will probably be the last time we see each other.
Oh, yeah. 
I guess so.
Thank you for your help yesterday.
It was a pleasure meeting you.
You, too.
Yeah.
[Sighs]
Um...
You know, maybe I could go to dinner.
[Insects chirping]
Here we go.
Hi.
Thank you for coming.
Come on in.
- Tyler.
- Hi.
Um...
You are...
Mm.
Doing good.
It's so good to see you.
[Sighs]
Can I give you a hand in there?
No. 
Thank you.
Uh, w-we saw you at the funeral.
I know. 
It's been a while.
Let's not let it go so long next time.
How are you doing?
Oh, trying to cope.
Hello, Marissa. 
How are you?
I feel ill.
I'm sorry to hear that.
You were at the funeral.
How did you know Anna?
Oh, how did I know Anna?
Gosh, it's been a while.
Well, it wasn't from college.
I was at Brown with my sister.
And I would have remembered you. 
Yeah.
No, it wasn't at college. 
Oh.
Definitely not at college.
It was here, here in L.A.
We, uh, took a class together.
What sort of class?
Uh, art class.
Anna was taking an art class?
She never mentioned anything about that.
I'm sure she was good.
She had that artistic flair.
Yes, I'm sure she was good.
Yeah.
You know, I'm just wondering...
Do you have a bathroom I could use?
Yes, right through there.
Thank you.
[Door closes]
[Sighing]
JOHN: 
I don't think this is the right time, Marissa.
MARISSA:
No, tell him.
Why should we be embarrassed to say it?
He should be embarrassed.
He came here with a date.
JOHN:
Marissa, calm down.
MARY: 
Tyler, you know why we asked you here.
I'm pretty sure I do.
It's awkward to discuss this so soon, but we need to talk to you about the money.
Good, because I want to talk to you, too.
Well, it's difficult for us to ask, but we feel that Anna's money should go to her family.
I wish it were that easy, but she left me as the executor, and... and I take that responsibility very seriously.
Well, we think you should resign as executor and let us take over.
[Water splashing]
[Gasps]
Oh, fuck.
What was that?
- Oh, my goodness.
- Did you hear that noise?
What was that?
Just let... 
let's stay focused.
Okay, all right, all right.
Obviously Anna thought that she was going to be married to you for 50 years before she died, but that didn't happen, as you know.
And you were not married.
You were her boyfriend.
Her fiancé, and it was very clear what she wanted.
This is the last thing I can do for her, and I'm gonna do it.
Anna didn't know about our financial difficulties.
Well, for a close family, you sure have a lot of secrets.
Oh, who are you to talk about secrets?
I know what you did.
Look, you're upset, and I understand.
I wish that there was something I could do.
I should probably go.
I called the police.
We've discussed this before.
You're tired.
We're not going through this again.
Please, Marissa, just go to the safe-deposit box.
We'll go to the box when we're ready to go through her effects.
No, Sir, it has to be Marissa.
[Bathroom door closes]
There you are.
We should go.
Thank you very much for having us over.
It was nice to see all of you again.
[Door opens]
That was great. 
Thanks.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Bringing you here was inconsiderate.
I mean, I think I jeopardized your relationship with them.
They were frosty to you.
Oh, don't worry about that.
So, what the hell happened in there?
Lt...
It's complicated.
It just...
[Clears throat]
Told you it would be miserable, though.
Yeah, I was expecting miserable, but, you know, I at least thought there would be food.
[Chuckles]
Anna was so ambivalent about her money.
You know, working for that start-up that went public,
I think she just saw all those dot-commers and their ridiculous cash.
You know how she was.
Yeah.
I mean, you know what she wanted to do with her money.
Gosh, I mean, yeah, so many ideas.
Well, not really.
I mean, it's a gimme.
What was she nuts about?
Nuts about?
Oh, nuts about, nuts about.
She wanted her money to go to the Children's Fund for Cancer Research.
Well, I mean, Children's Fund, of course.
I just don't see how her parents can't respect that.
They're upset.
They're strapped.
And the fact that I'm the bearer of bad news doesn't help matters.
She was really clear about what she wanted from me, you know, and I don't see how I could do anything differently.
Thank you for coming.
I promise I will never ask you to go to their house again.
Thank you for that.
[Chuckles]
You know, it's... it's funny.
I mean, you and Anna were so different,
I'm surprised you were friends at all.
How different?
Night and day.
[Grunts]
[Retches]
[Spits]
I can't believe I kissed you.
I can't believe you threw up afterwards.
I just buried Anna.
Look, it was a mistake.
We never have to talk about it again.
It just happened.
- I have to go.
- Oh, my God.
That was really romantic.
Looks like he really likes you.
Shut up.
Before you have sex, I'd have an ambulance on standby.
Always.
You look different.
You look sad... thin, but sad.
Leave me alone.
You are sad.
I didn't think you had it in you.
Neither did I.
[Sighs]
Well, it would never have worked anyway.
The entire thing was built on a bald-faced lie.
I mean, every word you ever said to him was untrue.
No, I lied to him about why I was at the funeral.
But it was more than that.
Everything else was true.
Oh, really?
[Camera shutter clicks]
So, he knows you still have his fiancée's ring?
Okay, not everything, but I'm waiting for the right time to tell him.
Well, I'm sure that's gonna go over really well.
Stop. 
You're making me feel even worse.
He kissed me and then threw up.
Do you even know what that's like?
Unfortunately, I think I do.
I mean, maybe not full vomiting, but, you know, at least a, uh, gag reflex.
So, I was thinking about going to see my parents.
Has going to see them ever helped you in any way?
No.
But I thought, you know, I'm different now, so, maybe we could relate to each other better.
Mm.
I mean, they are my parents.
I advise against it.
I know.
In the strongest possible terms.
[Chuckles]
[Camera shutter clicks]
MRS. REITMAN: 
Tell me, what have you been up to?
Your father and I have really missed you.
Well, I've, uh...
sort of met someone.
And it's, you know, brought up a lot of stuff.
A romantic someone?
I don't know.
Oh, sweetheart, that's wonderful!
You deserve to be happy.
Thank you. 
Thanks.
Have you known him long?
Uh, no.
What, um,
I wanted to, uh...
Well, how did you meet him?
It's a long story.
Well, what I'm trying to talk to you about is...
What's he like?
Mom, I'm...
I'm trying to talk to you.
Well, we are talking.
Do you ever think about her?
About who?
Mom, do you ever think about her?
Would you like some tea?
Oh, I think I'm gonna have some.
No, I don't...
I don't need any tea.
Oh, I suppose no one ever really needs tea.
Mom, just forget the tea.
Well, what about some juice?
It would be very good for your skin.
Mom, look at me.
[Sighs]
You know what would be nice?
Some cookies.
Cookies?
Did I hear someone say cookies?
Hi, sweetie.
Hi, Dad.
Oh.
[Sighs]
Hey, it's Shane.
Give me a call.
[Beep]
Carys, it's Tyler.
Um, my portly dog and I are gonna be in your neighborhood tomorrow by no coincidence whatsoever, and we wanted to see if we could stop by.
Give me a ring back.
My number is...
[Beep]
Carys, it's Tyler.
Um, my portly dog and I...
[Growling]
Does he fetch?
He doesn't fetch.
But I do.
I've been thinking a lot about Anna's ring.
I really don't know what to do about it.
I mean, do I press charges?
Do I sue?
You know what I think would just be great, karmacally speaking, you know, just to let it go.
Huh?
It's gonna come back to you.
What do you mean, the ring or the karma?
Both.
'Cause, you know, the wheel of life is turning.
I still haven't been able to go back to her grave.
Yeah, I mean, it takes people a while...
Not that I'm an expert or anything.
God, the end was so terrible.
The very end?
When I leaned over the other day to kiss you, it felt really strange, but there was a part of me that felt really happy to be free, you know, to be about to kiss you.
And then I felt guilty.
And then I felt sick.
Terrible, terrible thing to say.
Can you look at me the same way?
[Rock music plays]
Wait, we're in Lila's room.
Oh, screw it.
[Glass shatters]
[Gasps]
You okay?
Yeah.
There they are.
Wait, did it look like this?
Well...
I only noticed it when it was shattering to bits.
[Both chuckle]
All right, let's get this one.
This one?
- You sure?
- Yeah.
- Positive?
- Mm-hmm.
All right. 
Let's get it.
[Door opens]
What the fuck happened to my thinning mirror?
[Knocking on door]
You better sleep with your eyes open!
[Growls]
[Both screaming]
% % I thought you might unfold % %
[Door slams]
[Shane sighs]
If I've told you once, I've told you a million times.
I know, don't sneak.
But I didn't sneak.
I walked boldly and forthrightly.
I did not sneak.
And no one saw you come in?
No one whose story would be believed.
[Sighs]
Wonderful.
[Sighs]
What is it?
What's what?
What is it that you're obviously dying to tell me?
Tyler and I...
At what point did you and I develop this sort of talky, open, girly relationship?
I think this is it.
What?
You know..."it."
No, actually, I don't know what "it" is.
[Sighs]
Don't make me say it.
I'll go you one better...
I beg you not to say it.
I think I...
[Chuckles]
I think I'm in...
All right, that's enough.
Have you even told him the truth yet?
I don't think that matters anymore.
Really?
Well, if he's never felt this way about anybody, and if he's opening up a whole new world of feelings for me, then what does it matter if we met through a mix-up?
A mix-up is stating it a little softly, don't you think?
It's a bit muted, I guess.
A bit muted?
Yeah, I could see that's how he'd see it.
You know, a bit muted compared to actual events.
You have to be honest with him.
Once he says he loves you, that's it.
There's no going back from that.
You can't just be like,
"Oh, sorry, everything I've told you since we first met is actually a complete lie."
Okay, you're right.
I have to tell him.
I will tell him.
I'm going to tell him.
[Sighs]
I'm gonna tell him.
[Sighs]
I... need your help.
Pardon me?
[Sighs]
I need your help with, um... shopping.
Well, shouldn't you just go to Goths "R" Us and be done with it?
I'm not a Goth.
I'll buy you Jenny Craig dinners for a week.
Six.
- Two.
- Four.
- Done.
- I'll go change.
I'm not going in there.
This transformation has arrived just in time.
I don't want to say that black has always made you look overtired and pasty, but you really need to put some color on before the infatuation phase wears off and he really sees your many physical flaws for the first time.
Okay, just because you racked up a slew of angry ex-boyfriends doesn't make you the expert on dating.
You've seen the dating-commercial sites.
It's about quality, not quantity.
Let's go in.
Fine.
% % I can't be sure % %
Like I said, overtired and pasty.
Can I help you find something?
Yes, my, um, roommate is looking for a new wardrobe.
Great boobs, tiny waist, slim hips...
We have a ton of things that will look fantastic on you.
Bitch.
No, not you.
I'm sure you're super nice.
I look like a Christmas tree.
I think you should get it.
No, I have to draw the line somewhere.
Oh, my God.
% % I guess she took your heart And left the rest % %
This one?
No pink!
Just buy a fricking outfit, and let's move on.
Can you put that on hold for me?
That'll be $986.43.
This turnaround's becoming an expensive little proposition for you.
I give it a 2.
A 2? 
A 2?
You're talking about a cult classic here.
"Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!"?
Who's afraid of a tomato?
Best part about it was the title.
Oh, God, I see we're gonna have to continue your cinematic education.
I think we're gonna have to continue your education.
- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.
Doesn't sound half bad.
[Door opens, closes]
Excuse me.
What I wouldn't give for a little post-make-out vomiting right now.
She's just still mad about the mirror.
Oh, the mirror.
[Vehicle approaches]
Hey, isn't that the guy from the funeral?
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey! 
Come back here!
Wasn't his name, like, Varnez or something?
I don't know.
My life just keeps getting weirder and weirder.
What's going on?
You know, I'm kind of beat.
I think I'm gonna go home.
You don't want to come in?
'Cause I actually needed to talk to you about some stuff.
I know. 
I... 
I'm gonna take a rain check, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay?
Okay.
How about 2:00?
Great.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Thank you.
How may I help you?
Hi. 
I'm here to see Tyler.
[Telephone rings]
[Door opens]
Hey.
Hey, I just thought I'd stop by.
Nice.
Just give me a minute.
Junkie's dream come true, huh?
[Chuckles]
You don't have to watch this if it makes you squeamish.
Oh, I'm fine.
Anna could never...
I'm sorry.
I keep talking about her.
Don't be silly.
You're thinking about her.
It's natural.
Thank you.
Yeah, she could never watch this.
Makes me sad to think about all the things she didn't get to try or do or places she didn't get to go.
We were gonna go to India.
She wanted to see the Taj Mahal.
Every year I'll get older, farther away from her.
I'll be 30, 40, 60.
She'll always be 28.
Yeah, I understand.
Like, my parents are cheerful people, like, aggravatingly cheerful people.
When my sister died, oddly enough, that didn't change.
I didn't even know she was sick until she was hospitalized.
And then afterwards, you know, there were whispers behind closed doors, or red eyes at the breakfast table, but my parents never lost their composure.
They never doubted that it was all just part of some master plan.
And we never even had a funeral for her.
We were supposed to just move on and let go of the negativity.
[Scoffs]
I still think about her in the middle of the night.
Like, I see her walking down the street.
I never really got to say goodbye, so...
My point is that if you, you know, want to go to the cemetery, I'll go with you.
That's all I want to say.
Thank you.
You know, I'd love to see some of your artwork.
My artwork?
Yeah, from the class you took with Anna.
I mean, was it painting, or was it pen and ink, sculpture?
What was it?
Oh, my artwork, what was it?
Um, it was painting.
I want to call the school, see if they have anything left of Anna's.
I mean, I'd love to have it as a keepsake, you know.
You know, what?
I actually have some of her stuff that I can just give you.
No, I wouldn't dream of taking yours.
She gave it to you.
I mean, you never know.
I'm sure they have something.
So, how long have you guys been painting?
Oh, gosh.
Six years?
Ten years, here.
Uh-huh.
So, you know, if I wanted to take a crash course in painting, what would you recommend?
Wait?
You want to paint?
You do tiny, perfect dioramas, but you can't even draw a stick figure?
- It's easy.
- It is?
It is?
You paint the masterworks.
Just like "Mona Lisa."
Or "The Dancers" or... or "Starry Night"
or whatever style you like, and then you learn from the masters in that field.
I could do that.
You're a painter?
Yeah, apparently.
[Register beeps]
$436.
Okay.
[Sighs]
Uh, no, sister...
that's not going in my living room.
[Sighs]
All right, the bathroom.
All right.
[Sighs]
Tyler, I...
I have something I have to tell you.
[Indistinct conversations]
How can I love the one man that I can never have?
I have tried everything to forget him... to dull my pain.
The mere thought of him just undoes me.
I know I can't...
I can't have my one true love, and my only choice is to die.
[Sobbing]
[Laughing]
It was beautiful.
Oh, the actors were great.
And the sets...
the sets were very first class.
I love them.
I absolutely lov...
Shh.
You know what?
Tonight was so great, which makes this even harder to say.
[Cell phone rings]
- Can you not get that?
- I won't. 
I'll just screen it.
Hold on one second.
Hey. 
Hi.
M-Marissa. 
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey. 
Calm down.
Marissa, hey, you don't mean that.
Listen to me. 
Listen to me.
You just have to go to the safe-depos...
[Cell phone beeps]
Never mind, Marissa.
She hung up.
- What was that about?
- Nothing.
[Sighs]
You know what?
Anna was your friend.
You have a right to know.
What am I talking about?
Actually...
I'm sorry, what were you saying?
She thinks I killed Anna.
What?
That's ridiculous.
I mean, you could never...
I know.
I knew there was something I didn't like about that guy.
What can you tell me about him?
Did you see anything suspicious in his house?
I've actually never been to his house.
Well, obviously you need to stop seeing him.
Anna's sister's sick with grief.
I saw her. 
She's not well.
The suspicion thing's nothing.
I can't believe you're dating a murder suspect over me.
[Laughs]
Shane, you and I...
I'm going to a morticians' conference next month and we could never in beautiful downtown Cleveland.
We're more like...
I don't know why we never get Miami, or like friends.
...Las Vegas.
I'd even settle for Philadelphia.
[Sighs]
Yeah, Philadelphia would be nice.
What the hell are you wearing, anyway?
[Chuckles]
Oh.
[Sobbing]
[Knock on door]
- Hi.
- Hi.
What's going on, hmm?
Mm.
I understand it, you know?
I understand Marissa.
She just...
needs someone to blame.
For me, it was my sister's doctors.
I mean, you can't be hurt by it, because it just helps her to believe that.
I know.
What's that?
- Open it up and see.
- Hmm.
[Gasps]
Oh, my God.
I was gonna take you to hear some Texas music tonight.
I didn't think you'd have the right shoes.
But we don't have to go.
No, no, I want to go.
Let me change.
I'll be a minute. 
Thank you.
You're welcome.
% % I'm gonna steal Willie Nelson's hat % %
% % Well % %
% % I'm a Lone Star fool % %
% % Ooh % %
% % I'm a Lone Star fool % %
% % In the heart of Texas % %
% % Dear Lord, I'm a Lone Star fool % %
% % In the heart of Texas % %
% % Dear Lord, I'm a Lone Star fool % %
% % I'm a Lone Star fool % %
% % I'm a Lone Star fool % %
% % I'm a Lone Star fool % %
% % I'm a Lone Star fool % %
[Chuckles]
[Sighs]
My God, you look gorgeous.
[The Mother Truckers' "Dynamite" plays]
I'm gonna get some drinks.
What do you want?
Heineken.
I know you want to talk.
I'll be right back.
% % I've got a pack of matches % %
% % And there ain't a thing That you can do % %
% % You'll never see it coming % %
% % 'Till the fire's up inside of you % %
% % Oh, yeah % %
Hey.
Oh.
- Salud.
- Cheers.
% % It just depends on when The feeling's right % %
I just saw that guy.
What?
You know, the guy.
- I just saw...
- I can't hear what you're saying.
Maybe that's good, because there's some things that I haven't been able to say otherwise.
I-I've lied.
What are you...
what are you saying?
% % How I feel inside % %
You're a great dancer!
Let's go back out there.
% % It could be day, it could be night % %
Mm, I had the best time.
- Wait, I have a question.
- What?
Why is it always Texas this and Texas that with you guys?
What about North Dakota music or Iowa music or something?
Well, I, for one, am very grateful for that fact, because I don't want to go to a North Dakota music festival.
[Chuckles]
But seriously, though, I'm so glad you came.
I got to share one of my favorite watering holes with you.
My grandmother, she was born and raised in Lubbock.
She used to say to me...
she'd always say,
"You ain't never gonna love a place other than Texas, and you ain't never gonna love anyone who ain't a Texan."
But she was wrong.
California's so pretty.
Places are places.
But I'm in love with you.
Babe, there's no pressure.
Don't say anything.
I'm just telling you how I feel.
No, I do. 
I love you. 
I...
CARYS: 
It's a modern-day "Antony and Cleopatra."
Our sets are gonna reflect the lovers' inner emotional state.
It's big and bold and passionate.
Interesting.
Wow.
It's beautiful.
Thanks.
- Hi.
- Hey.
What's going on?
How come we never go to your place?
That's easy. 
It's a mess.
Yours is much nicer.
I don't mind a mess.
Come on, let's eat.
Garlic.
[Chuckles]
Oh, my.
Is that one of yours?
Yes. 
It's...
Really awful.
It is.
Can I have one for my office?
Oh, that reminds me.
I need a pen.
[Drawer opens]
Ow! 
Ow!
What are you doing?
!
Babe, give me my hand.
Sorry.
The pens are in here.
You're very protective of your office supplies.
Honey, I'm a vet.
I have to operate with this hand.
If you can call it a hand now.
It's more like a club.
[Soft music plays]
I'm sorry.
[Doorbell rings]
Don't stop.
[Doorbell rings]
Mm.
[Pounding on door]
Don't stop.
[Doorbell ringing, knocking on door]
[Doorbell ringing]
[Knocking on door continues]
Who's knocking on your door this late at night?
Is there something I should know?
There's a lot you should know.
Mm.
Carys Reitman?
- Yeah.
- I'm Detective Grayson.
This is Detective Daniels.
Mr. Cormier, hello, again.
Hello.
Do you guys mind if we come inside?
I mean, couldn't this wait until the morning?
Okay, come in, then.
[Sighs]
Miss Reitman, we have questions about Anna Williams' death.
Now, we've already spoken with Tyler here.
We're hoping that you might give us any additional information.
I doubt I could be of any help.
Yeah, 'cause according to, uh, Tyler, you were very good friends with Anna.
I mean, we weren't best friends or anything.
We took, um, a class together.
You know, we were friends, and we had a common interest in... in art, and that was the extent of it.
Did she ever express any concern for her safety?
CARYS:
Her safety?
Specifically, did she ever mention being afraid of anyone?
Did she worry that her money could have made her a target for someone unscrupulous?
CARYS:
No.
Did you ever see her take drugs?
Did she seem to have a substance abuse problem?
No, I... 
I don't...
I don't know.
Like I said, I wasn't a confidante.
It's kind of funny that you'd end up dating your friend's fiancé.
How long have you and Tyler here been together?
You know, we're not doing anything wrong, and I don't like the tone of your questions.
Maybe we can take you down to the station house and ask you questions there.
- We can do that, right?
- Yeah, that's a great idea.
- What did you say?
- Take me.
You come down and see us when you're alone.
We'll see ourselves out.
They came by last week.
I guess it's never a good time to say that you're officially a suspect in your fiancée's death.
That's ridiculous.
You were very good, though...
very forceful.
I'm not gonna get pushed around by a beat cop.
You sound like a hardened criminal.
Well, you know, I have some traffic tickets and shoplifted as a teenager.
I jaywalk.
You're a dangerous woman.
I told you there's things you don't know about me.
I need to talk to you.
You didn't know Anna, did you?
You never even met her.
How did you know?
My sister didn't know Matisse from Mickey Mouse.
[Sighs]
Believe me, this is all a really big misunderstanding.
It's more than a misunderstanding.
But thank God you know, because I...
Save it.
I hired a private investigator because my parents didn't believe me.
He's seen you and Tyler everywhere together.
How long you been plotting this?
Wait, what?
Did she find out?
I-I don't...
Is that why you had to kill her?
Kill her?
Oh, my God.
You've got this all wrong.
- I have not...
- I don't think so.
Anna was acting strange before she died.
Different.
She seemed scared all the time, low energy, depressed.
It's because she knew about you, wasn't it?
I met Tyler at Anna's funeral.
You have the wrong idea about all this.
Right, and you've fallen in love in six weeks.
My sister and I were best friends.
We talked all the time.
And then she started... changing.
The last thing I heard from her, she was going away for the weekend with Tyler.
And the next thing I knew, she was dead.
Who killed her?
Did you do it?
Did he?
There's no point in lying anymore.
Marissa, this is crazy.
I think you should go.
Well, you're going down one way or another.
Watch your back.
You could be next.
Okay, let me get this straight.
[Sighs]
You're dating a murderer.
Now the dead girl's family is convinced that you helped bump her off.
It's not funny.
No, actually, as a matter of fact, it's not funny.
Have you seriously considered the fact that your life could be in danger?
Stop. 
You don't even know Tyler.
It's not possible.
I can't leave you right now.
I'm afraid when I come back, you're either gonna be dead or serving a life sentence.
Very funny.
Look, you should just come with me to the conference.
You know, I hear Cleveland is supposed to be mildly interesting.
Look, this whole thing has just been blown out of proportion.
The fact that Tyler and I are even together is what makes him seem guilty.
That's all it is.
I mean, no one even believes that we met at the funeral.
You should follow him.
I'm not gonna follow him.
Yes. 
You should follow him for a couple hours.
If there's nothing wrong, just put it all behind you.
[Sighs]
Okay, I put the whole thing behind me.
Now I don't have to follow him.
Well, at least promise me you'll pay attention to the patterns, okay, because serial killers follow them.
[Chuckles]
So, now, what's the last thing he did with Anna?
Um...
Well, Marissa said they went out of town together.
So, you don't leave the city limits.
And just to play it safe, don't do anything to make him angry.
And whatever you do, don't tell him about the ring in the throes of a confessional urge.
Jesus Christ, you've gone this long.
This whole thing is ridiculous.
Look, I just don't want to be the one to put the final makeup on you.
[Gasps]
[Doors close, engine revs]
MAN:
Spare some change?
- Here.
- Thanks.
[Engine turns over]
[Engine revs, tires screech]
Shit.
[Cell phone rings]
[Gasps]
Hello?
TYLER:
It's so hard to hear you.
Are you whispering?
Yeah, my throat hurts, so I'm saving it... my voice.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Where are you?
Where do you think I am?
I'm working.
At the clinic?
That's where I work, babe.
Hey, when can I see you?
I don't know.
I think I may be getting sick.
You know, I think I heard something outside.
Can... can you hold on a sec?
Oh, fuck.
[Telephone dialing]
[Ringing]
Good afternoon.
Detective Grayson.
Hello?
[Telephone beeps]
LILA:
Go away.
Are you hearing-impaired?
Have you ever dated somebody and it just wasn't quite right?
Is there any other way?
Okay, I mean, say that you thought something specific was wrong, like you were, um you know, jealous.
You're jealous?
Is he cheating on you?
No, Tyler's not cheating on me.
I just... 
I...
I needed some dating advice, and... and you've slept with so many people that I just...
I mean, you've dated so many people that I just thought that if anyone should know, you would know.
He is cheating on you.
He's a dog.
No, he's not a dog.
I just... how do you know that you can trust someone?
Don't trust him.
Don't believe a word he says.
That is the first rule.
Now, do you have any evidence of his misdeeds, or is it just a general feeling?
I don't know what to do.
Do you know the girl?
I mean, how do you know that you can really believe someone?
Believe the worst.
Okay, this isn't working.
I should say not. 
Poor girl.
Let me know if you catch him in bed with her or something.
Glad I could brighten your day.
I don't even need this anymore.
Hi. 
How are you feeling?
You don't look sick.
I'm not sick.
And you weren't at the office the other day when you called.
How do you know?
Where were you?
Are you following me?
I was jealous.
You don't seem like the jealous type.
What were you doing at your house?
There's a drug that we use for surgery and it expires and our supply levels have been a little bit off, so I'm worried that someone in the office has sticky fingers, and it's a very dangerous drug,
so I decided to take it home until Biohazard can pick it up at the end of the month.
So, why did you lie to me?
I was screwing with you.
I could see you in my yard.
What?
Yeah, babe, you're not exactly a ninja.
I saw you, and I called you.
When I came out, you were gone.
And then you wouldn't take any of my calls.
Wait, but what's with your house?
It's so not a mess.
Babe, that was my house with Anna.
I mean, we were gonna get married in the backyard.
I mean, I'm gonna sell that house, but until I do, I want to keep it as something of hers.
And then, maybe... maybe you and I could... get a place, start fresh.
Oh. 
Of course.
I missed you.
Missed you, too.
Mm.
Mm.
Mm, good.
I have a surprise.
- Surprise?
- Mm-hmm.
We are going to Santa Barbara right now.
Oh!
Oh.
You know, I... 
I really can't.
It's beautiful.
It's romantic. 
It's secluded.
It's the perfect place to go for a weekend.
You know, I really have a lot of work stuff to do, so I...
Do it on work time.
Don't you want to come away with me?
I do, but you know what?
Right now is just not the right time.
[Sighs]
All right.
If you're sure.
I'll call you later, okay?
I don't think you should worry about it.
Worry about what?
Not going away with him.
I mean, let's face it.
You're not the kind of girl who ends up with the guy.
You're gonna get exactly what you deserve.
You're gonna end up utterly and completely alone.
You'll die alone.
And knowing you, that's probably just the way that you want it.
Tyler, wait!
Tyler!
CARYS:
It's so beautiful out here.
TYLER:
I know, isn't it?
Go inside.
I'll get our bags.
[Cell phone rings]
Hey.
SHANE:
I have good news.
- What is it?
- They're exhuming the body.
What?
Yeah, they're doing an autopsy.
The cops came in with a court order.
There's some new piece of evidence or something, so they're actually digging her up.
How is that good news?
Now you can return the ring.
I'm kidding.
Hello?
Do you think he knew about the exhumation, that it was happening this weekend?
I don't know if he knew about the...
- [Door opens] - [Cell phone beeps]
[Sighs]
[Chuckles]
We are finally here.
And we're not going anywhere for three whole days.
Oh.
[Cell phone rings]
You want to get that?
Nah.
Mm. 
Let me get us some wine, okay?
Okay.
[Cell phone beeps]
TYLER: 
I have something I want to talk to you about.
[Gasps] He found the ring.
Everything okay in there?
Fine. 
Perfect.
Hey, what are you doing in there?
Nothing really... just, you know, unpacking a few things.
Remember when I said I wanted to talk to you about something?
You know, I'm actually not really into threesomes.
Actually, that's not it.
Role playing?
Light bondage?
All right, all right, you're not in the mood for serious conversation.
[Cell phone beeps]
Yes.
Hope you're hungry.
Now can we talk?
You know what we could use?
Some more firewood.
Some more firewood?
I mean, are you planning on building a second story?
I just think a great big fire would be so romantic.
[Chuckles]
[Cell phone beeps]
You ready for that fire?
You know, I-I'm feeling a little sleepy.
Maybe tomorrow.
[Sighs]
[Cell phone vibrates]
[Vibrating continues]
[Whispering]:
Hello?
SHANE: 
Why did you hang up on me? 
Are you with him?
Yes.
What's happened?
Anna was killed with sodium pentobarbital.
It's the drug they use to put down dogs.
[Gasps]
Hello? 
Hello?
Hey. 
Are you okay?
Shh. 
One second.
You all right?
That's what I saw.
That's what he put in his safe.
TYLER:
Carys, you okay?
Fine!
I'll be back in a second!
Listen to me.
It wasn't an accident.
[Knock on door] Carys.
She was drugged before she got in that car.
TYLER: 
What... what are you doing?
Who is that?
I'm great!
Uh, just go back to bed, babe.
Where are you?
[Knocking on door] What's going on in there?
- Where are you?
- I don't know!
[Whispering]:
I don't know. 
I don't know.
Somewhere off the 101, like exit 140 in, like, a little cabin.
Okay. 
Okay.
Uh, I'm calling the cops right now.
TYLER:
Carys.
Just... 
I don't know, act natural, okay?
Okay. 
No problem. 
No problem.
- Carys...
- [Cell phone beeps]
[Sighs]
Who was that?
Lila.
At 4:00 A. M?
She's having guy problems.
She's a bit of a slut.
Come on.
Come back to bed.
You know, I'm not really feeling that tired anymore.
You go, and I'll come in a minute.
[Sighs]
Come on.
Okay.
Hey.
What's wrong?
You look stressed.
Why did you bring me here?
Sugar, it's the middle of the night.
I'm exhausted.
Let's talk about this tomorrow, okay?
[Smooches]
[Whispering]:
Come on, come on, come on.
TYLER: 
There you are!
I've been looking all over for you.
I went on a walk.
[Sighs]
It's so great up here.
Yeah.
[Carys sighs]
Maybe we should be heading home?
We just got here.
So, where are we exactly?
I know.
It's pretty tucked away, isn't it?
Mm.
Ready to go back?
Yeah.
You're gonna love this.
What are you looking for?
You seem so distant.
Nobody. 
Nothing.
It's getting dark.
Well, we've got it covered.
What's wrong?
It's so beautiful.
I don't know why you bothered.
Come on.
You know why.
Yeah, I know why, and I deserve it.
I just never thought you would be so cruel.
Cruel?
You think this is cruel?
Oh, my God.
[Panting]
Carys!
Carys!
Carys!
Where are you going?
!
Come on!
Just stop!
What's wrong with you?
I don't know how or when you figured it out, but I can't say I'm not a bit disappointed.
Now, can we just go back to the cabin?
Come on, let's go.
Oh, my God.
You're unbelievable.
I've known something about you for a little while now.
How long?
Long enough.
Practically since we met.
Why didn't you just say something?
Call me old-fashioned, but I just don't think that's the way things should be done.
I mean, I like a little suspense, don't you?
I know this isn't gonna change anything, but will you at least let me explain?
There's nothing to explain.
I've known this for a while.
- I never meant to hurt you.
- Ever since I met you, I knew.
- That was before I knew you.
- I knew you were the one.
I mean, sure, you don't make it easy.
You're the first person to make me feel normal.
You're the only person I've ever felt this way about, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I never knew Anna, and I'm sorry I stole her ring.
Will you marry me?
[Gasps]
What?
Y-you didn't know her?
I mean, what... what do you mean, you didn't know her?
Like, you never met her?
No.
But I went to the funeral before I knew you, and then...
and then I had to lie because I...
I felt a connection to you.
Yeah, but we talked about her every day.
You were lying the whole time?
Like, all that was a...
all that was a lie?
No, not all of it.
You had her ring?
But you know that!
You have it!
This? 
This?
!
I bought this for you.
I can't... can't believe you...
You lied about everything.
I'm sorry.
Please. 
I'm sorry.
[Sobbing]
- Let her go!
- Let the girl go!
You're under arrest for the murder of Anna Williams and the attempted murder of Carys Reitman.
No, I don't think he was trying to kill me.
You don't think I was trying to kill you?
Cops in L.A. Got a tip.
They found the drugs used to kill Anna Williams in your safe.
You weaseled your way into the funeral.
You lied to me and her family.
You stole her ring.
I stole her ring.
[Telephone rings]
WOMAN:
Sheriff's Department.
[Police radio chatter]
Tyler, please talk to me.
Oh, please, please.
Oh, please.
How could you think I killed her?
You think I could kill anyone?
I don't know.
I just... you were so perfect.
I didn't think that could happen to me.
I know you hate me, just let me tell you my side of the story, okay?
[Footsteps approach]
This way.
Hey.
Hi.
God, why didn't you tell us?
Anna wanted to be the one.
I couldn't look at her safe-deposit box before, but when I heard about the cancer, I went.
I read her note.
Good.
I was hoping you'd go sooner rather than later... like before I got the death penalty.
No, she explained how great you were to her, how amazing.
You were the only person who knew.
It was a really private thing to her.
I can't believe everything we've put you through.
If we'd had any idea she was sick...
TYLER:
I'm sorry you had to be the one.
She didn't want your parents to find out that way.
No, of course.
Of course.
God, they're so religious.
Just tell me she didn't suffer.
She begged me to do it, and I was horrified.
She was in so much pain.
I finally realized it was the right thing to do.
So when she was ready, we had a great day last dinner together.
I drove her car to the canyon.
She took the tranquilizers.
She died in my arms.
I slid the car off the edge so that the way she really died would be her own secret.
Thank you.
You risked your life to preserve her memory.
That's what she wanted me to do.
I... 
I gave the cops her suicide note.
I told them you had nothing to do with it.
So, um...
Sir. 
Sir.
Tyler, please.
Tyler, wait.
I apologize for the inconvenience.
I'll have a driver take you back.
No, thank you. 
I'm good.
How much to bail her out?
You want to bail her out?
- TYLER: 
How much?
- WOMAN: $800.
- MARISSA: 
Don't even think about it.
- It's okay.
Pay the clerk.
Just do me a favor.
Don't let her out until I'm gone.
Thank you.
[Sobbing]
[Sighs]
Hey.
Hey.
Come on.
I'll take you home.
[Knocking on door]
[Sighs]
I, uh, brought you some cookies...
your favorites.
So, why did you come over?
Oh, when I called, you wouldn't come to the phone.
I spoke to your roommate, and it sounded like you might need me.
[Sighs]
Daughters do need their mothers occasionally.
So, Mom, how come we never go to Sandrine's grave?
Sandrine was cremated.
Wait, that's not the point.
I just... 
I don't know.
I just thought, you know, that we would go to her grave and... and pull weeds and sit around and talk about her and tell stories and laugh and cry and, you know, then we'd understand each other.
But we do understand each other.
[Sighs]
You were a funny child... precocious but serious... with a laser-like focus on the strangest things.
[Sighs]
You needed a push sometimes just to get out of your own way.
When Sandrine died, we knew we'd have to keep you from fixating.
And we didn't want that one terrible thing to be the center of your whole life.
But it was.
Wait.
You didn't have a funeral and never talked about her and pretended like everything was okay because of me, to help me?
Well, you do what you can, even if it turns out that it wasn't enough.
Mom?
What is it?
Do you have to go?
I love you, honey.
I would have done anything for you.
I still would.
Sometimes loving people is all you can do, hmm?
[Sniffles]
Oh, honey.
[Intro to Coby Brown's "Madman" plays]
% % I keep dreaming I'm on a plane % %
% % I've got a one-way ticket to feeling sane % %
% % And I don't know if this thing is gonna land % %
% % The flight is long and the ride's been rough % %
% % Just when I think I had enough % %
% % I have to take much more than I can stand % %
% % And the way % %
% % That the waves are rolling in % %
% % Is the same way % %
% % As the way it's always been % %
% % Standing at the water's edge % %
% % Madman on a window ledge % %
% % I'm looking for some way to get back in % %
% % I can't wait till I wake up % %
% % Wish something could interrupt % %
% % The dream for much too long I've lingered in % %
% % 'Cause I want so much more than this % %
% % All the things I ever missed % %
% % I swear to God I'll never miss again % %
% % And the way % %
% % That the waves are rolling in % %
% % It's the same % %
% % As the way it's always been % %
% % Standing at the water's edge % %
% % A madman on a window ledge % %
% % I'm looking for some way to get back in % %
% % 'Cause in the ocean nothing lasts % %
% % And waves will keep on rolling past % %
% % Just waiting for the next one to begin % %
% % And the way, yes % %
% % That the waves are rolling in % %
% % It's the same as it's always been % %
% % It's the same as it's always been % %
% % When you're standing at the water's edge % %
% % A madman on a window ledge % %
% % I'm looking for some way to get back in % %
% % In the ocean nothing lasts % %
% % The waves will keep on rolling past % %
% % I'm just waiting for the next one to begin % %
% % In the ocean nothing lasts % %
% % The waves will keep on rolling past % %
% % I'm just waiting for the next one to begin % %
% % I'm just waiting for the next one to begin % %
% % Waiting for the next one to begin % %
---the end---

Subtitles by Kosovitz.
It's First time of audio typing, so please be tolerant ;)
Golden rings around your head, never show
We don't seem like ourselves anymore
Never really takes a lot to lose you
Make a wish upon a falling star
Wished I was who you wished i was
Never really takes a lot to lose you
I don't have to say a lot to lose you
ooh, You don't have to leave the light on ooh
Even when I'm coming home
You should start
Without me
Still, I miss you the most when you're here
Never really takes a lot to lose you
I don't have to say a lot to lose you
ohh, Why can't you make over Macy's like all normal girls?
You're jumpy.
you're back to drinking coffee?
No.
Change your groove i'm working.
Also my suit scrapper me.
And again,
If you want to grab me, who am I to stop it?
Sure, I'll grab it.
But probably You will not like.
I know you know this, i mustn't have alive girls in the embalming room.
You never cared about the rules before.
Anyway, I'm practicing.
The whole thing of being 'dead' is you do not need to practice.
Don't send me out.
You'll get me be fired.
Your boss does not know the difference between a girl and a crap.
Well, let's not test that theory.
You know what I'm waiting for?
Afraid to ask.
Young mother.
Newlyweds.
- Super emotional family.
- No.
Can you at least tell me when?
Aaah, no.
what about a little funeral?
Here's an idea
Why don't you go rent
"Terms of Endearment" or "Steel Magnolias"?
I've seen all those.
Make DVDs records is like a many depressive recent cries for help and still, no a tear.
You will be doing a public service.
You make me a whole person.
Come on.
I need it.
I think someone's coming.
Here we goes.
The door was locked.
Yeah, sorry.
Wow, she's hot!
Never seen a hot girl dead before.
- Yes, well, I was just a finishing.
- Yes, I see that done here.
I think you remember my nephews.
Yah. 
Good to see you guys.
- No, no touch the bodies.
- Right.
Okay boys, this is a loved one a client.
Is.
Which client, Shane?
oh, this is the Carter's daughter.
- Right, yeah.
- Yeah.
Will not catch up?
Yes.
Okay.
I got to say, this is an expert's work, Shane.
Thank you.
Okay. 
Let's.. 
let's go, go boys.
- oh, come on!
- Why do not we?
No, no. 
It's cold here, ok?
Come on.
Thank you, Shane.
yah.
- One more funeral.
- No.
Go read obituaries, like a normal person.
Obituaries are so heartless.
You know this families.
Just give me one I can gutted the heart.
Look ...
I appreciate your healthy respect for the funeral business but I am, as always, threaten of the brink of unemployment, and yours visits are not helping.
I'm not going to help you, not this time.
Absolutely, positively and categorically ...
No pain.
No hardship.
Anna is truly in a better place.
I saw Anna in church every Sunday, when she was a girl.
This bright light was stopped down in the very primetime of her life by a tragic car accident.
She was a charitable person, a devoted daughter, great sister, friend.
The day my daughter was born, was the happiest day of my life until the next day ... and day after them.
I guess i should tell who Anna really was.
Anna was the goofiest girl ever met in my life.
The very first time I ever met her she walked up to me in the whole dormitory and kiss on the mouth.
She was a lot of things.
She was a pinker cheerleader in high school, karaoke bully and college, internet whisky, a net nerd who could not calculate a tip to save a life
She was bold and unafraid,
Always the first who dance on a party, using bad French when she were in Paris, and loving the people in her life with great abandon.
I know that the day won't pass for me without a picture of her love siding smile.
And the world is a less worth place with having lost her.
oh no.
Good that you came.
I umm ..
I liked what you said.
I don't think we've met before.
I thought i knew all Anna's Friends.
No, we haven't met.
- I'm Carys.
- Hi
- What was that?
- I do not know.
Did something fall?
No, I don't think so.
I thought I saw something.
Help me to look like?
- I don't see anything.
- I could swear ...
So, you must be a friend of a family.
Yes, exactly, i am a friend of a family's.
Good friend of family's, we've knowing for years.
You must have heard so much shit about me then.
No... 
No I didn't.
Tyler.
Can be with her parents now.
Who are ...?
It's ok, it's ok.
You're okay.
Okay.
Tyler, could you give us a moment please?
Sure.
Okay. 
Okay.
Carys, are you okay?
I can't go.
- Excuse me?
- I think I should stay right here.
Well, maybe just a stroll.
- Honey ...
- Are you okay?
Carys? 
Are you okay?
Sorry, I'm fine now.
Yes, thank you.
- Come on outside.
- Okay.
Okay.
So you're gonna ride to cemetery with the family
No.
- You know, I had a planned ...
- You bring your own car?
oh Good.
I can use a break.
Where is it parked?
You know what?
It's a little far walk, so ...
No, the fresh air will make us good.
Okay.
You were Anna's boyfriend?
She never mentioned me?
Yes, no, no, no, she did, but in general terms.
What 'terms' were those?
The usual, that you were sweet and romantic and she loved you ...
And you had a really, really big gun.
Yah. 
That sounds like her
She used to think that things were bigger in Texas.
You don't sound that you're from Texas.
Austin.
Sound like "Com you going" there, you know?
I suppose so.
- Where is your car?
- Right here.
Wasn't that far.
I need to see Anna.
Please, i need to see her again.
Mary, i' m sorry.
Where's your ring?
Where's your ring?
- Where is the ring?
- What?
The engagement ring is missing.
Oh my goodness, that gorgeous ring.
- Where's your ring?
- What's going on?
Her ring. 
Her Engagement ring is not on her hand.
you'd better talk to them right now.
These funeral guys, they are all crocks.
She's poor bride.
Can you imagine?
Losing Anna and now this?
Poor fiancée nothing.
Do not tell me you didn't hear that rumors like that happened?
What happened?
- Where is the ring?
- What ring?
She was with a ring engagement when she came in.
We will look on our list possessions , but she had to be with any jewelry she was brought with.
Well, this is the thing.
She doesn't have all jewelry she was brought in.
We will be happy to look at this with you, at the funeral home, after the service.
- Better believe it.
- Okay.
Can you do me a favor and come in with me?
You know, it won't take not a minute.
You know what? 
I really have to be in home.
I know, I know. 
I'm Sorry.
But I have to get ring back.
Tyler, I can explain.
It was an accident.
I. ..
- Good 
- I sin so...
There's something in my eye!
Are you okay?
Yes, I'm fine, fine, I'm totally fine.
Just needed to get...
I'll meet you there in a second.
- Okay.
- Okay.
You know, this never happened.
The ring is on the list, But for some reason...
- Well, we'll come and see.
- Let's go and see.
- Hi 
- Hi
Sorry. 
You got a minute?
Let me ask you something.
I pay fees.
You are quick, In more ways than one.
Name is Varnez.
Just the person I was looking for.
Sorry, not interested.
Let's go, please.
Don't you know who he is?
Don't think I can handle More surprises this evening.
Irving was all concerned, Reviewed his records,
Said the ring was locked And don't know what happened.
Criminal.
Well, maybe He is telling the truth.
She loved that ring, More than she loved me.
She never took it off.
I brought it with her.
I knew he was on his hand.
Man...
You were...
With her when she died?
I'm sorry.
That must have been terrible.
I'm a little bit patched.
Thirsty?
Let's just drop over Brief conversation for a second.
Do you have any pets?
I have a high schroom roommate with an eating disorder.
Does that count?
Maybe.
How about you?
I have a short pornly dog out of Question of his position.
- Terrier?
- French Bulldog.
I wanted a Scottish terrier,
But never had any pets.
This is crazy.
We have laws against it in Texas.
Every kid must have a dog.
where you grew up, anyway?
San Diego.
There is load of moving space there.
Lots of gard's.
Well, my parents just thought it would be 'untidy'.
Well, that's for sure, why can't wear anything for more than 10 minutes.
Coz his ex lovers breaks all over and will put your dirty paws on wear,
And it getting worst these days, he gets excited and bites all over.
It's obscene.
Do you see your parents?
often?
Well... the truth is no.
I've hardly ever seen them.
I've never see them.
It is too touchy subject to talk with a stranger, isn't it?
Of course, we are strangers.
Tyler Cormier.
Carys Reitman.
You know, I...
I never heard a word about you from Anna, not whisper.
You know? 
About that, I...
No, it's okay. 
I mean me and Anna We both had our secrets.
I just ... 
I think you must be one of hers.
It's getting late.
I thought I were out of city with ... 
What's his name?
We broke up.
Typical.
Do I scare you?
No.
I've struggled more than that.
Nice black dress.
Funerals again, huh?
You'll never gonna feel anything.
You are broken inside.
Get over it.
We are roommates it's only out of obligation, my personal life is not one of your businesses?
- Cool.
- Puritan.
- Vampire.
- Highlen.
I'm completely hung over.
"hair the dog", bro. "hair the dog".
= Alcohol = hangover cure that
Hi, Carys.
Good morning.
Hey. 
So how are we doing?
Good. 
We have a done of dress next week.
Had a good weekend?
yes, It was great.
I think, We were rehearsing the final scene.
You know your favorite scene?
The tragic broken heart, dead soul, killing ending?
Please tell me you were careful by coming in.
Like a ninja.
You know, now that my boss thinks you're a corpse, we'll probably have to find another place to hang out.
Heard about that funeral yesterday?
Probably I shouldn't have gone.
There has been an accident.
What do you mean by?
'An accident'?
I was leaning over her,
Anna e... she just reminded me of...
I held her hands and her...
No.
- Ring just...
- Don't say more.
- ...slipped off in my hand.
- Have you lost your mind?
Her hedged man boyfriend came in here and threatened taking us to Court until we're so broke that we end up burying our clients in scum sacs.
You don't understand is not his fault. 
It's mine fault.
Exactly. 
And now I'm gonna fired because of it.
Why?
You've doing nothing wrong.
I am the reason you're there, trust passing at the funeral.
We are so happy that there has stolen some expensive jewellery.
Calm down.
I thought we can just return the ring.
- Return the ring?
- Yeah.
Just give back to her.
Back to Anna Williams... the dead girl, who were buried yesterday?
Yeah, you have got all the equipment.
- We could just...
- Could do what?
Dig it up and put the ring back on her finger?
Do you know how much this equipment cost?
Could you imagine what would happen?
if her family came to visit her and his grave was dig around and you and I were just, happened to give her back the jewelery?
That's it! 
We are going in the middle of the night!
Stop talking. 
Right now.
We cannot return the ring to the dead girl.
You'll have to get it and give it back to her family or her fiancée or whoever you like and explain yourself.
Damn.
How am I gonna do that?
I can't be just like "upps, Look what I found in my pocket!"
I can't just "Find" the ring here.
The family will think we're thieves.
I know it's strange, but corps robbery in funeral homes, actually do not a lot of business.
Ehh, Carys?
Hi
It's weird that I am here, isn't it?
Weird? 
No.
You just stump the door in my face.
It's Slipped.
How did you find me?
I looked up. 
You have a very unique name.
- Can I come in?
- In here?
Sure. 
Sorry.
oh, have a Sit.
Thanks'.
You know what?
It is good that you're here, actually.
It is?
There's something I need to tell you.
Have you ever had?
an unusual hobby?
Well, I like embroidery.
Okay, let's start over.
My sister died young, younger than Anna.
oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Thank you.
It must have been so hard for you to go the funeral of Anna.
I mean, first your sister and then your good friend.
That was why you're acting so funny.
You know what?
About that...
Stop. 
You do not have to explain anything.
You helped me yesterday when I needed,
I mean, I was so low.
I don't know how I would passed the day without you.
Tyler, I have to apologize to you.
Can I ask you a question?
Sure.
It's been a terrible week.
You know, like a heart itching, not sure how will I do through the week?
So if you're going to say anything that will make me feel worse, even if only a little bit worse,
I don't think
I can take it.
Sure.
You know, actually, I came to ask you for a favor.
- You did?
- Another favor.
I have to go to Anna's parents for dinner.
And I don't think I can face them alone.
umm, Dinner, dinner...
with Jim and Mary.
John and Mary.
I call him Jim.
It's a nickname.
It's a long story.
Please Tell me you're going to dinner.
I can't.
Actually I have quite lot of work.
We are building a new set and I'm modeling the entire thing... back, on my computer right now.
it's wizzy (?
).
I understand. 
It's...
That's funny.
I don't even know you, but I feel like the only friend I've got.
You know, like the only person who knows what I'm going through?
because you loved her too.
I wish I could...
I would if I could...
Go to their home with you.
No, I ... 
I understand...
Anyway, probably going to be miserable anyway.
Yeah. 
No, I mean...
Do you Mind if I use your bathroom before I go?
No, the bathroom is right there.
Tyler, wait!
My, my room is a mess.
Don't clean up because of me.
So I guess, I think it's just to say "adios"
This is probably the last time we see each other.
Yeah. 
I guess so.
Thank you for your help yesterday.
It was a pleasure to meet you.
You too.
It...
You know, maybe I could go to dinner.
Here we go.
Hi
Thanks for coming.
Come on in.
- Tyler.
- Hello
You are...
Too good.
It's so good to see you.
Do you need a hand in there?
No. 
Thank you.
We saw you at the funeral.
I know. 
It's been while.
it's won't be so long next time.
How are doing?
Trying to cope.
Hello, Marissa.
How are you?
I feel ill.
Sorry to hear that.
You were at the funeral.
How did you know Anna?
How did I know Anna?
God it's been a while.
Well, if it was from college.
I was at Brown with my sister.
And I would have remembered you, yeah.
No, it wasn't in college.
Definitely not at college.
It was here! 
Here in LA.
We did class together.
What sort of class?
Art class.
Anna was taking an art classes?
She never mentioned anything like it.
I'm sure she was good.
She had an artistic flair.
Yes I am sure she was good.
Yeah.
- You know, I'm just wondering...
- Do you have a bathroom I could use?
- Yes Direct there.
- Thank you.
I do not think this is the right time, Marissa.
No, ask him.
Why should we be embarrassed?
He should be embarrassed.
Came here with a date.
Marissa, calm down.
Tyler, you know why we ask you here...
I'm pretty sure why.
It's uncomfortable to discuss it so early, but we need to talk you about money.
Good, because I need talk to you too.
Well, it's difficult for us to ask, but we feel that Anna's money should go to her family.
I wish it would be that easy, but she left me as executor, and I take this responsibility very seriously.
Well, we think it should resign and let us take over.
Fuck...
What was that?
- Oh My God.
- Did you hear that noise?
What was that?
Let's stay focused.
Okay, alright, alright.
Obviously, Anna thought she was going to be married to you for 50 years before she died but this did not happen.
You're not married.
You were her boyfriend.
Her fiancée. 
And it became very clear what she wanted.
This is the last thing I do for her and I am gonna do it.
Anna didn't know about Our financial difficulties.
For close family you share a lot of secrets.
Who are you?
to talk about secrets?
I know what you did.
Look, you're upset and I understand.
I wish there was something I could do.
I should probably go.
I called the police.
We discussed this before.
You're tired.
Not going through it again.
Please Marissa, go for the safety pass.
We will when we can take care of our property.
No, sir.
It has to be Marissa.
There you are.
We must go.
Thank you very much for having this appointment.
It was good to see all of you again.
That was great, thanks.
I'm so sorry.
Bringing you here was lack of consider.
I mean, I think I put in risk their friendship with him.
They put a frosty on you.
Do not worry about that.
So what the hell happened?
there?
It...
It's complicated, it's just that...
But I told you that would be miserable.
Yeah, I've waited for the miserable but, you know, I guessed there would be food.
Anna was so ambivalent about their money.
You know, working for start state public,
I think she saw all dock comers of these sites and their ridiculous cash...
You know she was.
Yeah.
You know what she I wanted to do with money.
Gosh, I mean, so many ideas.
Not really.
Skimming.
From what she was nuts about?
So nuts about.
Nuts about, nuts about...
She wanted her money was
Found for Child Cancer Research.
The Children's Found, of course.
I just don't see why their parents do not respect that.
they're upset.
Struggled.
And the fact that I bear bad news doesn't help neither.
She was very clear about what they wanted from me.
You know, I don't see how I could do different.
Thank you for coming.
I promise, I will never ask you to go to their house again.
Thank you for that.
You know, it...
It's funny, I mean,
You and Anna are so different,
I'm surprised that you were friends at all.
How different?
Night and day.
I can't believe I kissed you.
I can't believe that you spewed afterward.
I just bury Anna.
Look, it was a mistake.
Never talk about it again.
- It just happened...
- I gotta go.
Oh My God.
That was really romantic.
It looks that he really likes you.
Shut up.
If you have sex, you will have an ambulance on standby.
Always.
You look different.
You look sad.
Lean, but sad.
Leave me alone.
You're sad.
I didn't think you had it in you.
Neither do I.
Well, it would never work, anyway.
The entire thing was based on bold face lie,
I mean every word said was untrue.
No, I lied to him about reason I was at the funeral.
But it was more than that.
Anything else was true.
oh Really?
So he knows where is his lover fiancée's ring?
Okay, not everything, but I'm waiting the right time to tell him.
I am sure that will take it pretty well.
Stop, you're making me feeling the worst.
He kissed me and threw up.
Do you know what it's like?
Unfortunately, I do.
I mean, maybe not full vomiting, but, you know, at least a mild reflux.
So I was thinking about going to my parents.
As going to see them, ever helped you in any way?
No.
but, I thought, you know, I'm different now,
So maybe we can relate each other better.
I mean, they are my parents.
I advise against it.
I know.
In the strongest possible terms.
Tell me, what are you up to?
Your father and I, we really missed you.
Well, I've a... sort of, met someone.
And, it's you know, brought a lot of stuff.
A "romantic someone"?
I don't know.
oh Sweetheart, that's wonderful!
You deserve to be happy.
Thank you. 
Thanks.
And you've known for long?
No.
What I want to tell...
How did you meet him?
It's a long story.
What I'm trying talk to you about is...
What is he like?
Mom, I'm trying to talk to you.
Well, we're talking.
Do You ever think about her?
About Whom?
Mom, do you ever think about her?
Would you like some tea?
I think I'll have some.
No, I don't need any tea.
I suppose nobody really "needs" tea,
Mom, just forget the tea.
what about juice?
It would be very good for your skin.
Mom, look at me.
You know what would be nice?
Some cookies.
Cookies?
I heard someone say, "cookies?
- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi, Dad.
"Hi,it'sShane.you may Call."
"Carys,isTyler.
Mypornlydogand Iwill be in your neighborhood tommorow bynocoincidenceorwhatever andi wonderedto seeyou  when we stop by. 
Canyouringback?
My number is ..."
"Carys,isTyler.
MypornlyandI..." 
Does he match?
Needn't to.
But I do.
I was thinking a lot about Anna's ring.
I Really don't know what to do about it.
Do a press charges?
Do a sue?
You know what I think would just be great? "Karmically" speaking,
You know, just let it go.
It's gonna come back to you.
What do you mean?
the ring or karma?
Both.
Because, you know, the wheel of life is...
Turning.
Soon I will go back to her grave.
Yeah, I mean, it takes people a while.
Not that I am an expert or anything.
God, the ending was... so terrible.
The very end?
As I leaned to kiss you was really very strange, but... there was a part in me that I feel happy to be free, to be about to kiss you.
And I felt guilty.
And I got sick.
Terrible.
Terrible thing to say.
Can you give me the same way?
Wait, we're in Lila's room.
Damn.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
There they are.
We get it looked like this?
Well...
I've only noticed when it fell in pieces.
Okay, let's take this one.
This one?
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
Firm?
Okay. 
Let's get it.
What the fuck happened to my "thinning mirror"?
you'd better sleep with eyes open!
If I've told you once, I've told you a million times.
I know no sneak.
But I didn't sneaked.
I Walked boldly and forth, really.
I didn't sneak.
And no-one saw you come in?
No one whose story would be believed.
Wonderful.
What is it?
What is' what?
What is you are obviously dying to tell me.
Tyler and I...
At what point we developed this kind of straight talking open relationship?
I think this is it.
What?
You know it.
No, actually I don't now, what it is...
Don't make me say it.
I'll do it better.
I beg you do not to say it.
I think...
I think I am in...
Okay, that's enough.
Have you even told him the truth yet?
I don't think it matters anymore.
Really?
Well, if he's never felt this way to anybody and if he is opened up to a whole world of feelings for me, than it doesn't matter - we will get through this mess-up?
"a Mess-up" is saying it a little softly, don't you think?
It's a bit more 'noodled', I guess.
A bit 'noodled'?
Yeah, I can see how you see it, know, "a little noodled," compared with the actual events.
You have to be honest with him.
When he says, he loves you", that's it.
There is no going back for it.
That can't be just like that
"oh, Sorry, everything I've told you since we first met, is actually a complete lie. "
Yeah, you're right.
I have to tell him.
I am going to tell him.
I'll tell him!
I need your help.
Pardon me?
I need your help with...
Shopping.
Should not just need a walk alone with "We Are Goth" on it?
I'm not a Goth.
I will buy Jenny's Craig dinners for a week.
Six.
- Two.
- Four.
- Done.
- I'll get changed.
I'm not going in there.
This transformation arrived just in time.
I don't wanna say that black is always made you look overtired and pasty.
But you really need put some color on before eventual passing stage when he face, in fact, all their physical flaws for first time.
Ok. 
Just because you were ruined by slew of angry ex-boyfriends does not make you an expert in dating.
You've seen these dating sites...
It's about quality, not quantity.
Let's go in.
Fine
Like I said, overtired and pasty.
Can I help you find something?
Yes, my roommate is looking for a new wardrobe.
Hmm, Great boobs, thiny waist, slim hips.
We have slew things that looks fantastic on you.
Bitch.
No, not you. 
I am sure that you are super nice.
I look like a Christmas tree.
I think you should get it.
No. 
I have to put the limit somewhere.
oh My God.
This one?
No pink!
Buy any model and move on.
Can you put it by for me?
It's $ 986.43.
This change will end pretty expensive proposition for you.
I'll give it a 2.
A 2? 
A 2?
We're talking about a cult classic here.
"Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"?
Who's afraid of a tomato?
The best part was the title.
God, I see that we'll have to to continue your cinema education.
I think we have to continue with your education.
Really?
It doesn't sound so bad.
Excuse me...
What I would not is to vomit right now.
She's just mad about the mirror.
The mirror.
Isn't that guy from the funeral?
Hey, hey! 
Come back here!
Wasn't his name Varnez or something?
I Don't know.
My life is only getting weird and weirder.
What's going on?
You know, I'll better go home.
You don't wanna come in?
because, Actually I needed talk to you about some stuff.
I know.
Let me take fresh air, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay?
Okay.
How about 14.00?
Great, will see you tomorrow.
Thank you.
How may I help you?
Hi, I'm here to see Tyler.
Hi Hi, I'm just stopping by.
Nice.
Just give me a minute.
The junky's dream come true, right?
You better don't watch if it makes you ill.
I'm fine.
Anna could never...
I'm Sorry.
I keep talking about her.
Do not be silly.
Thinking about her is natural.
Thank you.
Yeah. 
She could never watch this.
Makes me sad think of all the things she never has tried, or do... never got to go places.
We're talking about India.
She wanted to see the Taj Mahal.
Every year I get older.
Other way from her I have 30, 40, 60.
She will always be 28.
Yeah, I understand.
My parents are cheerful people, like angry type of cheerful people.
When my sister died, odd enough, it has not changed.
I didn't even know she was sick until she was hospitalized.
And afterwards, you know, there were whispers behind closed doors, red Eyes on the table at breakfast, but my parents never lost their composure.
Never doubted that everything was part of a Master Plan?
Didn't do a funeral for her.
We were suppose to move on, leave all the negativity.
I still think about her in the middle of the night, as if I saw her walking in the middle of the street.
Never really had to say goodbye, so...
My point is that, if you, you know... want to go to the cemetery I'll go with you.
That's all I wanna say.
Thank you.
I want to see some your art work.
My artwork?
yeah, It is the class you did with Anna.
Oil painting was that, or ink sculpture or what was it?
My artwork.
What was it?
It was painting.
I want to call the school, to see if they have kept anything from Anna's.
I wish I had it to keep so you know.
You know what?
I actually have some her stuff, I can just give you.
No, don't even think about it.
She gave it to you
You never know.
I'm sure they have something.
How long have you guys do painting?
Gosh. 
Six years?
Ten years.
Aha, If I wanted to make a rush course in painting,
What would you recommend?
Wait, you want to paint?
You make perfect and little diagrams,
I mean, you draw on the dotted line.
- It's easy.
- it is?
it is?
You Paint the masterworks.
Like Mona Lisa?
Or "The Dancers" or "The Starry Night."
or whatever you like and learn with the masters in this field.
I can do that.
You are a painter?
Yeah ... 
Apparently.
$ 436.00.
Okay.
No sister. 
That's not going to stay in my living room.
Alright, the bathroom.
Alright.
Tyler, hi.
T have something I have to tell you.
"How can I love the one man that I can never have? "
"I've tried everything to forget him, '
"To mollify my pain."
"The mere thought of it, it just destroys me. "
Knowing that I cannot,
I can't have the one, my true love,
"And my only choice is to die."
It was beautiful.
And the actors were great.
And the scenery? 
Were the most important part.
I love it.
Absolutely the...
You know what?
The night was so great,
This makes this even harder to say.
- Can you not get that?
- I will not. 
I only go by...
Wait a second.
Hi
Marissa.
Calm down.
Marissa, you don't mean that. 
Listen to me,
Listen to me, you just have to go to the bank.
Never mind. 
Marissa.
She hung up.
- What was that?
- Nothing.
You know what?
Anna was your friend.
You have the right to know.
- I'm talking about...
- Actually,
Sorry, what say?
She thinks I killed Anna.
What? 
This is ridiculous!
I mean, you could never...
I know.
I knew I had something to not like that guy.
What can you say about him?
You saw something suspicious in his home?
Actually I've never been in his house.
Obviously you should stop seeing him.
Anna's sister is feeling grief and pain.
She is not right.
The suspicious is nothing.
I do not believe you're dating a murder suspect over me.
Shane, you and I...
We're going to a mortuary Conference of next month.
And we could never...
- Beautiful downtown in Cleveland.
- We are more like...
I don't know because we'll never go to Miami or...
- ... 
like friends.
- Las Vegas.
Even sell myself to Philadelphia.
Yeah, Philadelphia would be nice.
Anyway, what the hell are you wearing, anyway?
- Hi 
- Hi
What's going on?
I understand that, you know?
I understand Marissa.
She just needs someone to blame.
For me, it was my sister's doctors.
Not bear of importance So that's why... it helps to believes that.
I know.
What is that?
Open it up and see.
oh My God.
I'm taking you to listen some Texas music tonight and I don't think you had right shoes.
But we don't have to go.
No, I wannna go.
Let me changed.
Will be in minute. 
Thank you.
You're welcome.
# Get ready, I'll steal Willie Nelson's hat
# Well ..
# I am a LoneStar fool
# I am a LoneStar fool
# In the heart of Texas
# Dear Lord, I am a LoneStar fool
# In the heart of Texas
# Dear Lord, I am a LoneStar fool
# I am a LoneStar fool
My God, you are gorgeous.
I'll get some drinks, what you want?
Heineken.
Got it. 
Be right back.
# I have a box of matches
# And there's nothing you can do
# You may not become aware
# Of the fire that burns inside you
# It may be days, could be night
- Cheers 
- Cheers
# It just depends on sentiment to be true
I just saw that guy.
- What?
- You know the guy.
I just saw...
I can't hear what you say.
Maybe it's better because there is something
I could not say other way.
- I lied.
- What are you saying?
You're a great dancer!
Let's go back out there!
I had the best time.
- Wait, I have a question.
- What?
Why to you is, "Texas this, Texas that's"?
What about the North Dakota music or Iowa music or something?
Well, I am very grateful, because I don't want to go to a Festival of Music of North Dakota.
But seriously, I am so glad you came, want to share my favorite ones with you.
My grandmother, born and raised in Lubbock, used to tell me, always said,
"You will never love a place more than you love Texas, and never love anyone which is not Texan. "
But she was wrong.
California is so pretty.
Places are places, but I'm in love with you.
Baby, there's no pressure.
Don't say anything.
I'm just telling you how I feel.
No, I do. 
I love you.
It is a modern date of Antony and Cleopatra.
Our scenarios reflect the emotional lovers in the internal state.
It's big, bold and passionate.
Interesting.
Wow, It's beautiful.
Thanks.
Hi Hi
What's going on?
Why do we never go to your place?
This is easy.
It's a mess.
Here's much nicer.
I do not mind the mess.
Come on. 
Let's eat.
Garlic.
Oh my...
That's one of yours?
Yes, it's... even awful.
It is. 
Thanks.
Can you give me one for my office?
I will remind me.
I need a pen.
What are you doing?
Baby, let my hand!
Sorry.
The pens are not here.
You are very protective off your art class.
Honey, I'm a vet.
I have to work with that hand!
If one can call that 'hand' now.
More like a club.
Sorry.
Don't stop.
Don't stop.
Who knocks at your door at this time of night?
Is there anything I should know?
There is much What you should know.
Carys Reitman?
- Yes.
- I'm Detective Grayson.
And this is Detective Daniels.
Mr. Cormier, hello again.
Hello
Mind if I come inside?
Not only if it can't wait until morning?
Ok, come in.
Miss Reitman,
We have questions about Anna William's death.
We've spoken with Tyler.
We hope that, perhaps you may, give us some additional information.
I doubt I can give you any help.
Yes, according to Tyler, you are a very good friend of Anna.
We weren't best friends or anything.
We took a class together.
You know, We were friends and had a common interest in art.
And that was the extent of it.
She never expressed any concern about her safety?
Her safety?
Specifically, if she've ever been afraid of anyone.
That her money would be targeted to someone unscrupulous.
No.
Ever see her taking drugs?
Does she seem to have drug abuse problem?
No. 
I don't know.
Like I said, I wasn't her confidant.
It's kinda funny you end up dating yours friend fiancée.
How long have you and Tyler have been together?
We're not doing anything wrong and I don't like the tone of your questions.
Maybe we can take you down to the station and see what the tone of the questions there is.
- We can do this, right?
- Yes, it's great idea.
- What do you say about it?
- Take me.
You can go and see when you are alone.
We go out ourselves.
They came to me last week.
I think it is never a good time to say you are, officially suspect of yours fiancée death.
This is ridiculous.
So, hands up!
Raise those hands!
Who wants to be me?
She's much blonder than I would ever go again, but I do love Tahoe.
Hands down. 
Forget it.
About 90% of you simply don't have what it takes.
But for the other 10%, let me just say, being me is fantastic.
I think her nipples are hard.
As a matter of fact, they are.
My nipples are hard and my lady is wet.
Because success turns me on.
And if success doesn't turn you on, then you can take your initial $5,000 investment fees, pop on out to your shit cars, and drive out of here.
Okay then. 
So...
What turns you on?
Success!
Dick.
Am I wrong about you, Celia?
Dick ever buy you a Cartier Panther watch with double diamonds?
'Cause if it did, then suck that dick, girl.
But if not,
I need to ask you a question.
Are you a closer or a loser?
Well, I've been a loser.
But I want to be a closer.
But I don't have $5,000, so...
You're going to let a little thing like that stand in your way?
No way.
No way, cow girl.
You're Pretty!
will front you on credit all the products that you need to put yourself on the road to financial freedom.
Are you ready to ride?
I said, are you ready to ride?
- Are your nipples hard?
- Yes.
But I had reconstructive surgery because of a double mastectomy, so they're always kind of like that.
Let's get started.
Whatever you need.
It's your fourth THC cone today.
You're costing us money.
Double scoop of Cripple Ripple Fudge.
Keep the change.
I think I might actually be addicted to sugar.
I love it here.
This is everything I ever wanted.
Shelves filled with drugs, cold creamy treats flavored with drugs.
Beautiful girls in bikinis coming and asking me for drugs.
- Are you crying?
- Don't look.
Gentlemen, waking up in my car with a searing headache, unable to move for some time without blinding pain, gave me some time to think.
You all were right.
Having the heat lurking around a pot club, bad for business.
So from now on, when I come in,
I come in my civies.
Makes sense.
Do you know this guy?
How high are you?
So, that was my apology.
Now it's time for yours.
We're sorry you got hurt.
So you do know this guy.
Well, sorry means a lot.
You know what also means a lot, partner?
- Ten grand.
- Ten grand?
Today.
Assault on a police officer is a felony.
Minimum sentence: 8 years of daily ass rape.
Assault? 
Really?
I'll be back this afternoon for the money.
This is some potent shit.
I'm seeing Stormtroopers.
It's Comic Con, you idiot.
Leave it.
I told you, I told you something would happen to Esteban.
What, did he get shot?
Beheaded? 
I heard they're doing that.
They're chopping heads off.
Are there photographs?
Can I see them?
- Where did you park?
- Out front.
We got to go.
- What, to identify the body?
- No.
To Dr. Lyman's.
I have to have this baby right now.
What about Esteban's body?
Esteban's fine.
The call was bullshit to get you here.
He's not dead. 
Nothing happened.
- No beheading?
- No beheading, no.
You lied to me. 
I was all excited.
They built a goddamn birthing room.
They want me to have this baby totally off the grid.
No birth certificate.
If I disappear, if the baby disappears, nobody knows.
It's fucking Rosemary's baby.
No, I'm through bailing your ass out.
You're no longer my responsibility.
You're the responsability of the unbeheaded, corrupt, drug-dealing politician that you've chosen to marry.
Andy, I'm not fucking around here.
I'm trying to get over you and your drama.
This could send me back weeks in the healing process.
You cannot suck me back into your web.
You're right, I can't suck you in...
How about a handjob?
Jesus, get off!
I don't want your pregnant pity handjob.
Christ, that's just sad.
Fine, I'll take you.
But this is it, the last time.
I really mean it.
Not like the last time I said I meant it.
And raincheck on that for when you're not with child.
Pull your car right at the gate and wait for me there.
Were you really gonna jerk me off?
That or squeeze your balls till you give me your car keys.
I miss Yael.
Before...
And after.
With the help of You're Pretty! 
cosmetics,
I have just transformed this plain-faced little girl into a glamorous woman ready to meet the man of her dreams.
I like girls.
Play along.
Don't forget, I'm giving a 10% discount to all of my colleagues from Surfside Mall.
I got to hit it.
If I'm even 10 min late, they put me on squeeze duty all day.
No problem.
Just tell me what you need.
Lady, I got 4 kids, no husband.
I make $8 an hour.
If you think I got some extra cash for some overpriced eye-shadow, you're crazy.
Then why are you here?
You promised free samples.
With purchase.
You didn't read the fine print.
- There's no fine print.
- This is bullshit.
- I want my free sample.
- Me too.
Well, doesn't anybody want to buy anything?
Free sample!
Okay, fine.
You know what?
Just kill me now. 
Kill me.
Have a great fucking day.
Rob me blind, grubby.
Grubby grubber.
You know what?
Why don't you just stay blotchy and non-attractive, bitch!
I hope you're happy!
Huskaroo, Huskaroo
You're beautiful
In all the things you do
You're not so bad yourself.
I'm Isabelle.
Danielle.
And...
I think you'd look better without all that crap on your face.
There goes the dyke market.
Are you joking?
It's General Lee.
From the The Dukes of Hazzard.
I know. 
I was 12 years old once too.
Why are you driving it?
Bought it from some laid-off mortgage broker in Torrance.
One of seventeen used on the show in season four.
At least it damn well better be.
I paid a shitload for it.
Unlock, please.
It's welded shut.
You gotta come through the window.
In that case a little help, please.
Wait, wait, wait.
Jesus.
Christ!
Here you go.
- Get your hand off my boob!
- Deal with it.
It's nice to see you're putting uncle Yitzhak's money to good use.
Just be glad I didn't get Fonzie's motorcycle.
I was this close.
I'm Tenly.
You certainly are.
Is the manager around?
Doug Wilson.
Top dog, big cheese, head honcho, grand puba.
- What do you need?
- A job.
Hang on.
You're fired.
- I'm what?
- Fired.
- What'd I do?
- Nothing.
You see that chick over there?
She needs a job, I need to get laid.
You can't fire someone for no reason.
I just gave you a reason.
Look, if you need pussy, I can hook you up.
My cousin broke up with her boyfriend and she's horny as shit.
- She kinda look anything like you?
- Kind of.
Get out of here.
He fired me.
- What are you talking about?
- It's bullshit!
Hang on.
- Can I talk to you a sec?
- What?
- You can't just fire people.
- Why not? 
He looks like a terrorist.
He can sue us for wrongful termination.
Why are you being such a cockblocker?
Fine, keep your swarthy little Jihadi.
I want Tenly, it's my place too.
We can't afford them both.
We have a graft to pay.
It's exactly why I fired the little Paki.
Fuck you, man!
I'm Tunisian.
I have had it.
I can't work with you anymore.
So leave, I don't care.
This partnership is over.
That's right, it is. 
Finito.
Don't go anywhere.
We might have an opening.
Asshole.
- Thanks for doing this.
- You're welcome.
- I'll pay for gas.
- Thank you.
- It's the least I can do.
- I'm not thanking you for the gas.
What are you thanking me for?
For showing me what I want out of my life.
You have General Lee, what more could you ask for?
Readiness.
Ready to find the right woman, ready to settle down, sow my seed.
Carry on my part of the Botwin legacy.
You do have a cute butt, it would be a shame not to pass that on.
Go on ahead with your snidy snideness, snide away.
You'll see.
I have just as much to offer a woman as Judah.
And you're alive.
And Judah crashed on that front.
It might not be so obvious, but I'm a real catch.
I'm kind, funny, total rockstar in bed...
That does seem to be the consensus.
The whole key is strong and focused work where the sidewalk ends.
I know, Andy. 
I'm a girl.
How's Esteban, in the sack?
He seems like the selfish type.
Throw you down on a table and fuck you.
That works too.
I knew that you liked it rough.
You know, I'm precise, I'm connected.
I'm an artist.
You and me, we never would have worked.
- I'm not rapey enough for you.
- Consider yourself lucky.
I'm fucking poison, you don't have to drink it anymore.
Cheers to that.
Still want my raincheck handjob.
- Oh, God.
- What? 
What's wrong?
I still love you.
No, I don't, I don't.
It's just an obsession.
I want what I can't have.
I'm so fucked up.
Jesus, you are poison.
Fuck you!
As I remember, this car went a hell of a lot faster on the show.
What are you doing here?
My mom told me to come here after school.
Someone's trying to kill us.
Again.
Which leads to the question:
why would she send me to the most obvious place I could be found?
Don't worry.
Your mother leads a charmed life.
She's lucky.
Everything always works out for Nancy.
I, on the other hand,
I'm jinxed, cursed, blighted.
Nothing works out for me.
What's in that case?
A lot of false promises.
God, I could use a foot massage.
Here.
Thank you.
I fucking hate Mexicans.
Never go into sales.
- They're animals.
- It's humiliating.
- They have no regard for human life.
- I'm Willy Loman.
I think I'm gonna move back here.
Dean was suppose to be Willy Loman.
Can you tell my mom you'll take care of me?
I've enough problems of my own without taking on Nancy's.
Besides, why would you wanna be stuck with me?
I'm a bitch.
I drink.
And I peddle useless shit that nobody wants.
I don't want to be stuck with you, I can take care of myself.
I just need you to tell her you'll watch out, so she'll leave me alone.
You should peddle something that people want.
- Like what?
- Like drugs.
That's fucking great.
Now you tell me when it's too late.
I just blew my whole wad on eye-shadow and zit concealer.
Thank you.
Go get me a drink.
And then switch to the other foot.
Nancy Botwin.
It's been a while, hasn't it?
From crescent to a full moon.
Sorry, I've been seeing another doctor.
I've been seeing other patients.
It's all good.
I'm Andy Botwin, not the father.
Ex-brother-in-law, still close with the family.
Love kids.
Ready for my own.
Isn't that the whole point of life?
Children? 
Propagation?
The cycle of life?
I need to induce.
- What did your doctor say about that?
- I didn't ask him.
But I need you to get the baby out of me as soon as possible.
You're two days away from your due date.
It's best to let your body call the shots here.
I can't wait.
Why don't we wait till you're past your due date
- and I'll get your chart from the...
- I can't wait.
It's not because I'm uncomfortable.
The father is a drug kingpin, slash mayor, slash radical home birth advocate who built a delivery room in their guest house.
He spared no expense.
He did this for two apparent reasons.
One, to guarantee that his first and only son would arrive safely to the world.
Two, to ensure they would be no witnesses or official records of said event, which could pose a problem if he ever decided to, say... kidnap the baby to Mexico and/or kill its mother the minute she gives birth.
Thank you, Andy, for your discretion.
Don't worry.
Doctor/patient confidentiality.
She can't testify, right?
- Is that just lawyers? 
Shit.
- Please.
I need this baby to be born right now.
I need witnesses.
I need a US birth certificate.
I need to do this before he realizes that I'm gone.
I need help.
I don't have health insurance but...
I can pay cash.
And if all goes well, there's a bonus in it for you.
We need to get you into the hospital and get a Pitocin-drip going fast.
Unless you want a C-section, it's faster but...
Get it out!
All right, I'll let the hospital know we're on our way.
She's awesome.
Please, I beg you.
Wait until I've given birth.
Damn!
Now that's what I'm talking about.
These Comic Con freaks like to party.
I guess you kind of have to be baked to dress up like Skeletor and try to snap an upskirt picture of Lucy Lawless.
So where is your partner?
Who cares?
Blitt and I can run this place all by ourselves. 
Right, Swarmer?
- Hey, buddy.
- Look at this place.
Very impressive.
Thanks for involving me, dickhead.
Like when I involved you in my city council reelection campaign
- and you forgot to send my paperwork?
- One. 
One fuck-up.
You're fucking jinx.
Anything you touch turns to shit.
- Nothing personal.
- You're a douchebag. 
Nothing personal.
Here's the man I came to meet.
My client wishes to dissolve the partnership.
We'll be filing articles of dissolution with the state and county.
You are advised to give statutory notification to all creditors, settle all creditors' claims and then we can begin the distribution of all business assets.
I'll take the weed.
Fuck you. 
This club was my idea and you ruined it.
- You're uptight.
- And you're irresponsible.
- You're really blowing all up?
- I don't have a choice.
I can't work with you.
This is a professional establishment.
Not some place for you to chase ass and get high.
I can't have you blow this place up.
I love this place too much, man.
But you got to make a compromise too.
I get a ball in the morning to get me through the day.
And for the sake of our friendship and the success of our business,
I'll bang Blitt's cousin.
- Deal.
- Deal.
That's what I like to see.
Bros before hos.
And weed over greed.
Or is it greed over weed?
Get down! 
Everybody down!
Come on, guys!
It's just more Comic Con freaks.
Don't fucking move.
I'm getting my badge, I'm a cop.
Get the fuck down on the floor now.
You too.
All right, I'll play along, whatever.
How come he doesn't have to get down?
Because I'm Frank Calderone.
Internal affairs.
Officer C.P. Jones.
You have the right to remain silent.
- Is this a joke?
- No, it's no joke, fat-ass.
Theft, extorsion, falsifying documents.
And that's just for openers.
You really are a cop.
- Can I still bang your cousin?
- You will never come near a Calderone.
Dean Hodes, attorney of law.
Fucking jinx.
Excuse me, visiting hours are over.
You have done a very bad and foolish thing coming here.
You must leave right away.
Get dressed.
My God.
You have no idea what you've done.
He has your eyes.

?
Shawn.
What are you doing home From school?
Uh...
Uh, well...
At the assembly today, There was a guy.
And he hypnotized Some students.
And one of them thought He was a kangaroo.
And he punched the guy.
And he passed out Before he could put the kids Back to normal.
Uh, but luckily,
Mr. Detmer, An ex-Navy seal,
Put everyone back Before six kids had to go To the hospital.
Let me see the suspension note From the teacher.
How did you know?
Kid, i got a nickname At work.
It's "the human lie Detector."
I spend my day Analyzing lies And the people Who tell them.
Rule number one.
Every lie is built On a kernel of truth.
Take your little fib, For instance.
If i were to put money On it,
I'd say the only true thing That you just said Is that mr. 
Detmer Is ex-Navy seal.
You're right.
That's amazing.
Not really.
The relative specificity Of that statement Compared to the others Made it obvious.
Look, shawn,
If you continue To lie like this,
Nobody's gonna believe you When it counts.
And that could put your life On the line.
Like maybe when i Might be a cop?
No. 
Like now.
Shawn spencer thrives On clutch moments like this.
It's just him, the ball, And the hole,
Surrounded by silence.
And a man wearing A hefty bag on angel dust.
Come on, dude, I was in the zone!
Now i have to start All over.
Shawn, the floor is flat.
I don't know why you can't Just putt in our office.
Because, gus, anyone can hit A ball into an empty cup.
The true challenge Is to guide the ball Almost magically
Through the organized chaos Of human bustle
And into the hole As if no one were there.
Let's just hope it works better
Than when you attempted The same thing with the darts.
Pardon me? 
I nailed that.
30-Foot bull's-Eye.
No. 
You hit a guy's eye.
Shh.
Dude!
Stay alive.
Get there.
Oh!
How about my phone call?
- You'll get Your phone call.
- I didn't do it. 
You have to believe me.
Oh!
- Who put a putting green In here?
- He was already dead.
I was trying To resuscitate him.
Wait, wait, that guy.
The one with the great hair.
He can vouch for me.
I think we worked at busch Gardens together one summer.
Yeah, we made funnel cakes.
Oh, look at that, gus.
He must've gotten me Confused With another man With great hair.
And the white guy.
- I know him too.
- Save it, ryan.
- Hey, rember-- 
- Just shut up.
Uh, jules.
- What's the story there?
- Yeah.
That's ryan bainsworth,
Or "lying' ryan" as we call him Around here.
He's a compulsive liar Who is notorious For calling in tips
And sending the department On wild goose chases.
He's pretty much An embarrassment to all of us.
How can you tell that someone's A compulsive liar?
I mean, assuming that Their pants aren't on fire?
Trust me. 
We know.
Oh, come on, jules.
We all tend to bend the truth Just a little.
Not me.
- Oh really?
- Mm-Mm.
Does this ring a bell?
No, shawn, i have not had Any naughty dreams About you.
And...
Yes, shawn, i do wish Gus was never born So that i could be Your partner.
- What?
- True story.
- That's messed up.
- I never said that, gus.
Anyway, Ryan usually comes in Claiming to be a witness To a crime.
But this time, Looks like he's committed one.
Oh, detective o'hara,
This is dr. 
Morey, The d.A.'S Psychological expert.
Nice to meet you. 
Here's the file on our suspect.
Thank you very much.
Don't mind them.
They're just here To observe.
She's right.
Please carry on.
But when you're finished,
I'd appreciate If you evaluate my partner gus.
For years, he's Been claiming to be insane In the membrane.
All right, why don't you Just do us all a favor
And write down in neat Little letters All about how you stabbed And murdered your super In cold blood.
For the last time, I'm innocent.
I had asked my super To fix the garbage disposal.
I clogged it With cinnamon sticks And lemon wedges From a marinade.
Afterwards, he Was to check my pipes Because the polarity Is completely off
And the water Drains counterclockwise.
But by the time I got home, I found him there... dead.
Doctor, if i can speak For you...
I'd rather you didn't.
Look, All things being equal,
I'd rather be scrapbooking Right now.
But that's-- That's not important.
Though i have been known To make a kick-Ass collage.
Then maybe you'd like To tell me who did kill him.
- Yes. 
An assassin.
- An assassin.
A hired assassin.
No, two of them, actually.
Yes, you see, That has to be it.
The night before, I went to this restaurant
To get a basket Of these things Called fries quatro queso Dos fritos.
You know, the ones Where they inject potatoes With the four cheese mixture,
Fry them three quarters Of the way,
Pull them out, batter them, Fry them again,
And then serve them with bacon And an ancho chile sour cream.
Anyway, As i was sitting there,
A car speeds right through The storefront Across the street.
It makes such a loud noise, I had to turn my head and look.
And that is when i overheard The guy with the curly-Q's On his face
Tell the other guy At the corner table About the assassination plot.
- Can it be true?
- No way.
I mean, I-- Is it even possible?
I couldn't imagine.
There's no way you could prepare A fry like that.
That'd be way too much For the-- For the human palate To manage.
It would be A flavor seizure.
Gentlemen, Please don't be ridiculous.
She's right.
Let's just take a minute here To think things through.
- They must be parboiling The potato first.
- An assassination plot?
Seriously, how gullible Do you think we are?
You have to believe me.
I'm 100% sure on this.
I clearly heard One of them say
That they were gonna kill Someone with his belt buckle.
Ryan, come on.
They must've known That i overheard them.
That's why they Were trying to kill me.
But they surprised the super In my apartment, Got him instead.
And-
- And he tried To stop them. 
They killed him.
How did they know Where to find you, huh?
Because i was looking For them.
I was asking around, Putting up fliers.
Oh, fliers.
Oh, well, that makes sense then.
You advertised for killers.
You have to believe me.
These are the guys That you want.
If you don't catch them, Someone else is gonna die. 
I swear to you.
I have a question.
- No.
- It's not A yes or no question.
What is The name of the restaurant That serves These alleged fries
And might i substitute A garlic lemon aioli?
Spencer, out.
Officer,
If it helps any,
I think substitutions Are allowed.
- So what do you think, Dr. Morey?
- Well, he shows All the classic signs Of an underlying pathology.
People like this lie In order to make Themselves valuable.
Over time, When people stop Believing their lies,
They're forced to escalate Their behavior in order To reclaim The attention.
Could he escalate it to the point of murder?
- My professional opinion?
- Please.
His police history
And the circumstantial Evidence Of his fingerprints On the murder weapon
And the victim's blood On his hands...
Mm, yes, i think that should be Enough to prosecute him.
- Well, that's too bad.
- Why?
Because lying' ryan Is telling the truth this time.
Well...
Sync:
FRS@ϺÃ× mzinfo
psych s3 e14
And you're sure you want To take one the sbpd,
An expert In forensic psychology, And the d.A.'S office?
Because they all believe He's guilty.
I certainly Want to investigate further.
Every good liar's lies Are rooted in a kernel of truth.
This isn't even our case.
Are you trying to show up The police department?
Is this about pride?
Gus, i got these jeans At a garage.
Not a garage sale.
A garage.
Clearly pride is not an issue For me.
This is about me Not wanting a man To be wrongfully convicted
Because he has a sickness That he cannot control.
Plus, he appreciated my hair.
No, he appreciated my hair.
He was lying.
He's a compulsive liar.
That's what they do.
Come on.
Try to play catch up.
Uh, why don't you play "Investigate this on your own"?
Fine.
Stay here, wash the dishes In those ridiculous gloves.
I'm going to the restaurant That he said had cheese-Infused,
Twice-Battered fries.
I'll drive.
The fries exist, shawn.
He was telling the truth In a big way.
They're like a pyramid Of savory goodness.
Let's just sit here And look at them for awhile.
Dude, this feels like A family establishment, Doesn't it?
I'm not sure two ruthless, Hired gunmen Would frequent A place like...
A car speeds right through The storefront window Across the street.
That made me turn my head.
This.
Uh, 'scuse us.
- Uh-Huh.
- Do you rember
If there were two Threatening-Looking guys Sitting at that table In the corner yesterday?
Oh, my gosh. 
Yes.
- How'd you know that?
- He's psychic.
Oh. 
Oh.
- Do you do parties?
- Private ones, yes.
Are you thinking of throwing A little something together For yourself?
Oh, no, my niece, She's turning six.
Not available for that.
Uh, do you by chance Remember overhearing Anything they said?
No, the only thing They said to me Was when they ordered.
A beer and a cup of hot water With cinnamon sticks And lemon wedges.
I clogged it With cinnamon sticks And lemon wedges From a marinade.
But they Were totally creepy.
Scared the heck Out of the hostess.
Yeah, i saw those guys.
Definitely very creepy.
The one with the weird Handlebar mustache...
That is when i overheard The guy With the curly-Q's On his face.
- Handlebar mustache.
- Like the hamburglar?
No, no, no.
That was mayor mccheese.
He had the 'stache.
'Burglar had the mask.
Right, right, right.
Then there was grimace.
That brother was funny.
- What?
- No, no, no, no. 
Excuse us.
- I gave you vin diesel.
- Gave me?
You're not claiming grimace Is a brother.
Grimace is a brother.
He's an amorphous mass.
He's like a big amoeba.
- He's a black amoeba, Shawn.
- Purple.
Anyway...
When i seated them,
I saw a bulge Under his suit jacket,
Like, from a gun On his belt.
They were gonna kill someone With his belt buckle.
I think i'm starting To understand how ryan works.
When people stop believing Their lies,
They're forced to escalate Their behavior In order to reclaim The attention.
Sorry. 
Anything else?
No. 
But you guys Should talk to carl, the valet.
He had a really weird story.
Thank you.
What color was grimace?
- What?
- Black.
Yeah, those creepy dudes.
They were talking a lot About money or somethin'.
Then one of them slips The other one a bag of cash.
But then they give me A $.50 tip.
You know, It really pisses me off
When folks are too cheap To even shell out for a dollar.
I hear that.
Take care of yourself.
Mr. Spencer.
Mr. Guster.
What are you Doing here?
- Well, chief, If you must know-- 
- I must.
We are going to speak With ryan
Because the psychic bone In this finger
Is telling me That he is not lying About the hit men,
Which means he may Also be telling the truth About the assassination plot.
And if we Don't follow up on it, Even though it seems Pretty thin,
- Someone could die.
- What?
Ha. 
I will. 
I will tell her that Because it's spot on.
Chief, that is A very smart pantsuit.
I'm not having a conversation With your pinky.
Okay. 
One last question.
Loehmann's or talbots?
Even if i did believe you, Which i don't,
I have been down this road With ryan too many times.
Now, unless you have some Concrete proof of something,
You and your pinky Are banned from wasting
Any department resources On any information Coming from ryan bainsworth.
Fair enough.
We will find you Something concrete.
Thank you.
Good news, We have an ingenious plan.
Ingenious.
Huh.
So maybe you'd like to turn And face another direction--
Preferably away From ryan's holding cell.
You're not speaking to him.
This is not a case For you.
Go home.
- Oh. 
Us.
- Oh.
We should-- We go home.
Thank you.
No, no.
You didn't do anything.
It's not your fault.
His name Was grimace jackson, shawn.
Grimace t. 
Jackson.
- You're ridiculous.
- Whatever.
How are we gonna get Into ryan's apartment To check it out?
Follow my lead.
- Hiya.
- Hello.
May i help you?
Perhaps. 
My name Is shawn spencer.
I'm with the big uncles Of america program.
This is My underprivileged mentee, Hollaback atcha.
He's selling magazine Subscriptions As a way to learn Business skills.
Otherwise he'd be forced To join a gang If he was still On the streets.
If iwerestill out On the street, I'd be an o.G.
You wish.
Okay, just don't tell anyone I let you in.
Oh, thank you very much.
Now what exactly Are we looking for?
Evidence.
Evidence to corroborate The story.
Check it out.
Look at the way the blood's Sprayed along the wall.
- Just look.
- What?
The aortic spatter?
Sure. 
It means that The super's aortic artery Was punctured During the murder.
- The built-Up blood pressure Causes different-- 
- Wow.
Some of us like To be prepared, shawn.
No, no.
When ryan came Into the station, He only had blood On his hands.
If he'd killed the super, Wouldn't it have sprayed All over his clothes too?
Oh, no!
Oh, my gosh! 
Ah!
That means the super Was in the wrong place At the really, really Wrong time.
The assassins took him out Thinking he was ryan.
How'd they know Where to find you, huh?
Because i was looking For them.
I was asking around, Putting up fliers.
That means ryan's Telling the truth.
Which also means that there's Someone else out there With a target on their back.
Gus, look.
Ryan really did work At busch gardens.
Is that what he thinks Good hair looks like?
I think that's koko b. 
Ware.
Shawn, come on.
Look, he's letting ryan Shoulder the parrot.
Where we gonna find These so-Called assassins?
Mm-Hmm-Mm.
But ryan's the only one That can help us find them.
Even if they did exist,
The chief was emphatic When she said She does not want us Talking to ryan
While he's In police custody.
- Bingo.
- Don't say bingo.
- Cranium.
- Now i'll play Some cranium.
How much do we have In the psych savings account?
I really hate When you ask that question.
Thank you very much.
What are you doing here?
Dapper dan.
We're just gonna pay a visit To our old buddy ryan.
You were given direct orders To stay away from him.
- Yeah, we don't take Orders well.
- No.
Unless they're to get On the dance floor.
- Or raise the roof.
- Make some noize... 
With a z.
You know what, Just forget i asked, okay?
What is it, first day With the new feet?
He spent all day in court Waiting to testify in a case
And the defense attorney Didn't show up again.
But he's right.
You guys can't communicate With ryan while he's in custody.
I guess it's a good thing He's no longer in custody,
Seeing as how we Just posted his bail.
Looks like paper.
Actually our life savings.
Bye-Bye.
Hey, you guys want lunch?
You know, i own A restaurant downtown.
Actually, It's not all mine.
I co-Own it with mike ditka.
You guys eat wild game, Don't ya?
Once we find The real killers, The police Will believe us.
Us? 
What us?
I'm not convinced You didn't kill that dude.
Blood splatter Is a subjective science.
It was the assassins.
I'm telling you.
And if we don't stop 'em, They're gonna kill again.
I think ryan has a point.
Is there a kinko's nearby?
We should make Some new fliers.
- What information Do you actually have?
- Well, i-I don't know If it's enough,
But i did overhear A time, a place, and a name.
Come again.
I know who, what, And where.
Ryan, that-
- That's everything We need to know. 
That's all of it.
Why didn't you just say that In the first place?
Because no one Would let me.
That's true.
Gus, that's very true.
Yeah, i got that, shawn.
Just go ahead, ryan.
- The time was 10:00.
- 10:00.
To 4:30.
- 10:00 to 4:30.
- Yeah.
A six-Hour window?
What, do your killers work At the cable company?
It's okay.
What's the place?
420.
420 something.
I didn't get a street name Or an apartment number,
But the address definitely Has a 420 in it.
Hmm.
But the name, I have.
Perfect. 
What is it?
- Tom.
- Tom.
You wouldn't happen to have A last name, would you?
Come on, guys, i can't do Everything for you.
Oh, i'm teaching A water aerobics class In 20 minutes.
I
- I gotta go.
Go? 
We just bailed you Out of jail.
Ryan, it's okay.
I trust you.
Do your thing.
We'll let you know When we have something.
Perfect. 
I will have one of my assistants Track me down wherever i am.
Count on it.
Okay...
but...
Don't worry, gus.
We'll travel faster Without him.
- All right, fine.
- Every liar has a tell.
- So what-- 
- Sure, he's good.
But if you listen, It's there.
- All right, will you-- 
- Step back into the office.
- Will you stop-- 
- Of course we're gonna stop For tacos on the way.
Thank you.
I'm sorry, what time Do you close?
Well, If you're closed already, Why are you answering The phone?
Dude, the clock is ticking On some guy's life,
And you're out getting A milkshake?
Gus, don't be this crevice In my arm.
This isn't a milkshake.
It's a smoothie.
There's a huge difference.
And i was goin' Around the neighborhood,
Checkin' all the places That are open From 10:00 to 4:30.
And by blind luck,
One of them just happened To be the only juice bar In santa barbara
That offers blueberries In the mist With acai And goji berries.
I didn't order that. 
This is the normal Blueberries in the mist.
How did you do?
I got a list of all The addresses in santa barbara That begin with 420.
There are over 700 Possibilities, shawn.
4201st street.
4202nd street.
- You get the drift.
- Wow.
I guess next we'll have To comb through apartments And suites too.
What are you doing?
I'm sorry, shawn,
But i never fully believed Ryan in the first place.
I was goin' along With your gut, As usual.
And i have a non-Negotiable Distance limit On those trips.
I have a real job.
Well, uh--
Are you telling me you would Rather sell pharmaceuticals
Than foil An assassination plot
And clear an innocent man That's been accused of murder?
Innocent man? 
We just took on the world's Most unreliable client.
I get the feeling i'm gonna need All the commissions i can get.
I'll be spendin' The next six weeks praying He doesn't skip out On his hearing
So we can get Our bail money back.
You can get Bail money back?
Well, what am i supposed To do?
I don't know.
Call the human lie detector.
Okay.
Ryan, just, uh,
Just tell him exactly What you told the police.
Oh, i killed the super Of my building.
What?
That's not-
- That's not true At all.
Well, the santa barbara Police department Seems to think it's true.
Otherwise, why did they Arrest me?
Shawn, if this guy Says that he's guilty, What the hell am i doing here?
He's lying.
Wait, he's lying about lying?
Yes. 
No. 
I--
Ryan, ryan,
Tell him about the assassins.
The creepy assassins.
With the handlebar mustache And the plot And the--
And the counterclockwise Water. 
Please.
Assassins?
Counterclockwise water? 
Really?
Shawn, if i said that,
I would sound crazy.
Dude, youarecrazy.
You're-
- You're Way off the reservation.
That's why i'm Trying to keep you out of jail.
When you lie, does that make you Feel important?
Because if you keep lying The way you do,
No one will believe you When it counts.
I will slap you In the face.
Oh, violence Is not the answer.
I would say that you are The second most sane person In this room.
Ryan, would you excuse us For just a minute?
Oh, yeah.
Don't wander off.
All right, shawn.
Why are you workin' So hard on this one?
I work hard on all my cases.
I-I know you do. 
You work hard to have fun, To show off.
Look, i'm not an idiot.
I know this guy's Got a screw loose.
He's lying out his ass.
What i don't understand Is why you're taking this one So seriously.
I guess because nobody, Including the police,
Believes in him.
- I know what's going on here.
- Oh, really?
Yes, i do.
Shawn, listen to me.
You are not ryan.
Yeah, you stretch the truth A little bit sometimes.
At least you know Where the line is.
- Of course i know where The line is.
- But only Because of two things.
One-
- You always Had somebody around Who knew when you were lying And bothered to call you on it.
- What's the second thing?
- Well, i'd like to say That you always had Enough natural talent To fall back on.
But i'd be lying.
Listen to me, kid. 
If you ever drag my ass Down here again To do guster's job...
I'm gonna hit you up With a consulting fee.
Okay. 
Good night, captain.
What was that?
That was me Saving your life.
From my dad?
We don't know who We can trust.
We've gotta stay low.
Low.I have a face guy Who can disguise us,
Get us out of the country If need be. 
He's--
Yeah, he's probably Gonna have to break your nose.
But remember, this is what You signed up for.
- Stop it!
- What?
This is real.
Your life is in danger. 
Okay?
Even batman takes off The cape and the cowl
When he's in the bat cave With alfred. 
So just...
Pretend like i'm alfred
And you be ryan...
Wayne.
Ah, it's them!
It's them! 
Don't get it!
- Hold on.
- Don't!
- Hello.
- Shawn, i can't believe I'm making this call.
But i figured it out.
I'm standing At 420 main street.
And guess what it is?
A hospital.
Spencer, what the hell?
Are you all right?
Yeah, of course I am. 
Why?
Well, We got the message That you were At the hospital.
Something about life And death.
Oh right. 
That. 
Well, we are in a hospital.
And as it happens, It's filled with both life And death.
I knew i should've left That message.
What's going on, spencer?
Ryan and i spent Some quality time In a psychic sweat lodge.
- Toweled.
- Fully.
And i have had a clear vision Of the absolute truth.
The target of the assassination Is right down the hall.
His name is tom. 
Tom lieber.
And he needs Police protection.
This more of your bull crap, Bainsworth?
Because in addition To your murder charge,
I'm pretty sure We have enough to charge you With reckless disregard Of police resources.
- You too as well.
- More than enough grounds.
Wait, no, you have To believe us.
You're killing me.
You're killing me!
Freeze!
Perfect timing. 
I'm dead.
Thanks a lot.
You.
Out.
No, no, no. 
I don't want To hear it anymore.
Get out.
Spencer, Thank you once again For completely wasting my time.
Once again? 
Just last week, I gave you the tip About the twice yearly sale At t.J. Maxx.
Racks and racks Of $7 ties.
Wasting your time?
I don't think so.
What's goin' on?
Is this about the accident?
Because i still Don't remember it.
What accident?
I hit a car.
You mean, you were hit By a car.
No, i hit one.
Or at least, That's what they told me.
I don't remember any of it.
Why would i even Want to hit a buick?
I don't have anything Against buicks.
Carlton, look at this.
Sir, are you suffering From amnesia?
Yeah. 
Maybe. 
I think.
Or something like that.
Great, leave it To lying' ryan to find The only amnesiac In santa barbara.
Although i won't be the only Amnesia person much longer.
I'm getting my memory back.
- A little bit each day.
- Look, lieber.
Tom. 
I never forgot that.
How wonderful for you.
We think you may be In grave danger.
- No, we don't.
- Yes, we do.
This side of the room, The cool side--
Sorry, jules, Think that.
Someone may be trying To kill you.
Are you blackmailing Anyone?
Are you Having a torrid affair?
Are you-
- Are you part Of treadstone?
Wait, don't answer The last question.
Oh, wow, no. 
No.
I
- I work from home.
Receiving and processing Complaints For a mattress manufacturer.
On tuesdays, i go out And get new games.
Maybe throw in a trip To 7-11 for a grape slurpee--
Which must have been Where i was going.
Oh, just after 6:00.
Anapamu street.
I would've been there Right after the...
- What?
- My games...
All over the street.
How great Would those have been During my convalescence?
Okay, this is fascinating.
Spencer, Make-Believe time's over.
We got real police work To do.
By the way, you're still A long way's off From connecting anyone Other than ryan To the murder of that super.
Hey, chief.
What do ya got?
Shawn. 
What are we doing?
Ryan lied to us again.
He made us look Like fools again.
And now we're standing In a room with a guy Who literally knows nothing.
- No offense, tom.
- No. 
None taken.
Visiting hours ended Hours ago.
You gentlemen need to finish Your business now.
Oh, our business Is definitely finished. 
Trust me.
Tom, i do hope You remember stuff.
Yeah. 
No, no.
You've got it.
We'll be there in ten.
I certainly hope you didn't make Dinner reservations At soup plantation.
Gus and i Have already eaten.
Though i suppose we could go Around the corner And watch you eat, If you'd like.
They just found a body In a vacant office suite On the corner Of gardener and carrillo.
Really. 
Any i.D.?
You're not Gonna believe this. 
It is the defense attorney On the case I've been trying to give Testimony on all week.
Huh. 
What about Ryan's assassins?
You should call Either the loch ness monster Or bigfoot if you get In trouble.
I'm sure they'd be happy To help.
First of all, bigfoot and i Haven't spoken in five years.
Six, if you don't count His cousin's wedding. 
Which was literally, like, Hey, b.
Come on, jules.
You know me. 
And i know people.
I can read them. 
You know that.
I've spent enough time with ryan To know when he's lying And when he's telling The truth.
And there is a kernel of truth In every one of his stories.
So they cannot be dismissed.
Neither can he.
He's a person.
A person is more than the tales That they tell.
Yeah, well, right now, He's more than just a person.
He's a doctor.
You know, they say we doctors Have a god complex.
But after seven years Of neurosurgery,
I say we have a complex god.
Look on the bright side, Spencer.
You keep up This losing streak, You will become completely Useless to the department.
I know. 
We haven't eaten.
Shawn, we are treading On thin ice Right now.
Yes, but i'm about to do A double axel Into a salchow and finish With a sweet little camel toe.
- You mean camel spin.
- I've heard it both ways.
I'm right About the ryan thing.
No, you are obsessed With this ryan thing.
And, dude, if your psychic Powers disappear,
Vick won't need To hire us anymore.
There's no way We can subsist On the private jobs We get.
How many times Must we go through this?
I am this close to getting On the pro bowlers tour.
- I am not doing this.
- Okay, i get it.
We have to make nice With the chief.
Why do you think i brought Along this peace offering?
You really think That one container Of fries quatro quesos Dos fritos Is gonna fix everything?
Yes, i do.
The lawyer Had two slugs in his chest.
Ballistics is checking The system for matches.
- Any trace?
- Nothing yet. 
The lab's gonna call The second they find anything.
Oh, not now, gentlemen.
We are in the middle Of a homicide investigation.
And don't think i don't know That you've been wasting My detectives' time
Chasing leads once again Supplied by ryan bainsworth.
Chief. 
Chief vick.
Hmm?
Chief karen charles vick.
Here.
Ooh.
It's a fries quatro Quesos dos fritos.
And apparently Doesn't travel well.
The point is,
We are sorry for making Lassiter and juliet Run around town On wild goose chases.
Shawn's psychic powers Have been a tad On the fritz.
The good news is, they are back To 100% working order
And we are fully available To help on this murder case You are now on.
Even more good news, Those taste better Than they look.
Yes, they do.
Yeah, fine.
Apology accepted.
And my middle name Is not charles.
I took a shot.
I knew it was a "c."
Now, about this defense Attorney's murder case,
Any victim Of an assassination plot?
- Wow. 
Really?
- As odd as it sounds,
It actually did cross My mind.
So i checked it out. 
And i can say With certainty That he is not the victim Of mr. 
Bainsworth's Assassination plot.
The coroner puts time of death At four days ago.
And a recently discovered Witness Who heard shots at 6:00 That evening confirms it.
Which means the lawyer Was killed Before ryan allegedly overheard These men planning a hit.
Our victim would've already Been dead at that point. 
No need to kill him again.
Unless he was a zombie.
- Chief.
- Yes.
The surveillance video From the back door of the garage Near the scene of the crime Came in.
It's corrupted.
There's not much of it.
Hey, are those the fries Quatro queso?
Yes, they are.
Hmm. 
They don't travel well.
O'hara, set it up.
Let's take a look.
Wait. 
Dude, she said the lawyer Died four days ago.
Yes. 
It's over, shawn.
Four days ago was tuesday.
That means the lawyer Got killed In a building On gardener street
On the same day That lieber got hit by a car On anapamu.
Not just the same day, The same time. 
Around 6:00 p.M.
And those streets Are only two blocks away.
Ryan, the lawyer, lieber.
They're all connected somehow.
Come on.
Fries
Sorry to interrupt. 
I just got a very strong vibe That you're about To apologize to us.
In what world would we Ever apologize to you?
Wayne's. 
Maybe dave's.
It's a small...
- Spencer.
- I believe this dvd Will prove That ryan and i Have been right all along.
Now, who's that?
O'hara, rewind that.
No way.
That's tom lieber.
That's the kid That bainsworth led us to At the hospital, chief.
And he's running away From where the body was found.
Well, i guess You were right, Mr. Spencer.
Lieber must've killed The lawyer And then got hit By the car As he fled the scene.
Ooh, uh, i don't know. 
The spirits are a little Cloudy on that part, chief.
I'm sorry for the spirits, But we don't have time For gray areas.
Detectives, i want you to get To that hospital right now.
From what i understand, Lieber is regaing his memory.
And the second he remembers What he did, he could run.
- Come on, let's go.
- Got it.
She knows she's not Gonna eat that.
- What?
- I don't think Lieber's the killer.
I saw something on the tape. 
Hold on.
There.
Right there.
He stops and looks back Over his shoulder. 
Why?
Because someone Is chasing him.
Two creepy someones To be exact.
Lieber didn't kill the lawyer, But he saw who did.
Ryan's assassins. 
They chased him into traffic, And they thought That was the end of it.
But then the newspaper reports That he survived,
Goes into a coma, Wakes up with amnesia.
The killers think They still have a window.
But today's paper said He's regaining his memory.
So ryan overheard The real killers Plotting to take out lieber.
We have got to get back To the hospital
And tell lassie and jules That these guys are comin' back To clean up their own mess.
Come on!
?
Yeah, dobson, i need An a.P.B. Out On a thomas lieber.
He's wanted for questioning In a murder.
Get his picture From the dmv.
- Where's lieber?
- Gone. 
Looks like He's on the lam.
He's on a lamb, He won't get far.
Alpaca, different story.
Those things really fly.
You two don't need To be here.
It's not true, lassie.
Lieber didn't kill The lawyer.
He witnessed ryan's assassins Do the deed, And now they've Clearly come back to get him.
And i promise i will ask All about your insane Little theories Once i put them both In jail.
Come on, gus.
Let's find tom.
I should've been on to this Way earlier.
I can't believe I didn't make the connection.
We don't know That lieber's dead, shawn. 
Maybe he rembered And left Before the killers Could find him.
- Hey, guys.
- They're right behind us.
They're gonna kill us.
Drive. 
Drive.
- Okay, enough with the seatbelts.
- Just-
- Let's go!
Just drive!
They're right behind us!
Where'd you Learn to drive!
?
- All right, now, 
- Wanna keep this upright.
I'm sorry.
I had to take matters Into my own hands.
I snuck lieber Out the ambulance bay.
And when i saw you guys Pull up, I knew we could hide In the car.
Incoming!
So wait. 
You just took him Out of the hospital?
Well, i had to act quickly.
Tom started to rember Everything.
Well, not everything really. 
Yet.
And the killers. 
The killers were already In the building.
It was like a game Of cat and mouse Trying to get out of there Unseen.
- Didn't we just use The elevator?
- Would you please Let me tell the story?
Parking. 
He's parking.
He's parking!
Very nice, partner. 
You just weaved your way Through those obstacles
Like a ferret On roller skates.
Hey, what are you doing?
Why are we slowing down?
No, no, no.
Gus.
What-
- What-
- What What are you doing?
Dude, the killers Are right behind us.
Nobody's following us, shawn, And there never was.
The only thing i know For sure right now Is that we are harboring Two fugitives.
Okay, gus, look, I believe ryan,
But i-I understand Why you don't.
I've maxed you out In the blind faith department.
And that's fair. 
So you don't Have to believe him.
Just keep believing in me.
Come on, buddy.
Whoa!
That's them!
That's them!
That's the guys From the restaurant!
It's comin' back to me.
They shot that man.
Drive, drive!
We gotta get outta here!
?
- We're sitting ducks!
- ?
- ?
- Get outta the car, Come on!
Ow! 
Glass!
- Watch your eyes!
- Run, run, run, run!
Go, go! 
Run, run!
Serpentine! 
Serpentine!
- Zig zag!
- Go! 
Hide in here!
What are you doing?
We're never gonna make it!
Not at a complete stop, We won't.
Doctor, this bag is empty.
Is that important?
I'll hold him off. 
Get him back To the hospital.
Hopefully lassie and jules Are still there.
Hold 'em off? 
How?
I don't know. 
I'll think of something. 
I always do.
- So do i.
- Shawn.
Just get him out of here!
He's the one that has To make it.
I'm gonna kill you, shawn.
I'll give you Every opportunity To do that, buddy.
God.
We accept the terms Of your surrender.
Uh, you mean You're surrendering.
Yeah. 
We're the ones Holdin' the guns here.
Well,
You and the 20 or so cops That are waiting in lie Around that corner.
Plus, hasn't there been Enough bloodshed already?
I mean, First the lawyer, Then ryan's poor super.
You guys are terrible At cleaning up after yourselves.
Yeah? 
And you're lying About the backup.
Look into my eyes...
And tell me if i'm lying.
There's no backup.
Yah!
They were telling the truth?
Apparently so.
That's a good lookin' Handlebar.
Wonder who His mustache guy is.
Down on e ground, cowboy.
That's better.
Ah, good. 
You're both here.
Whoa. 
Let me guess.
There's a bomb on a bus.
And-
- And-
- And if it goes Below 50 miles per hour,
The whole thing's Gonna explode.
No, no. 
No more lies.
I am quitting' cold turkey.
Turnin' over a new leaf.
Really...
- No more lying' ryan.
- No.
Just like you said, I am gonna be just ryan.
If you hadn't believed me,
An innocent person Would have ended up dead.
And all because I became a guy Who couldn't be taken At his word.
So i just wanted to come here To thank you Before i took off.
Well, if it's any consolation, I believed you From the very beginning.
Especially since you recognized I have great hair.
- I was talking about him.
- You were lying.
It's okay. 
I forgive you.
I'm comin' around.
So where are you off to?
This is unbelievable.
I got tapped to captain A hot air balloon In a multistate regatta.
I take off tomorrow.
Hot air balloons Have captains?
Oh, yeah, of course They have captains.
Captains, first mates, Deckhands.
I got really lucky. 
It was a friend of a friend Of mine kinda thing.
If you guys ever want To ride,
I mean, come on, I owe you.
I'll even let you steer The thing.
Just don't tell anyone, okay?
Take care of yourselves.
Man, i am glad he is Out of our life.
That's ridiculous.
Hot air balloon?
- It's crazy though, right?
- Yeah, it's not possible.
Think he would Really let us steer?
There's only one way To find out.
You said you weren't gonna fall For any more of his stories.
- No, i didn't.
- Whatever. 
I knew you were lying.
- You're a liar.
- How am i a liar?
- Shotgun.
- You can't call shotgun ?

(CLANGING)
Shawn, what are you doing home from school?
Uh... 
Uh, well, at the assembly today there was a guy and he hypnotized some students.
And one of them thought he was a kangaroo and he punched the guy and he passed out before he could put the kids back to normal.
Uh, but luckily Mr. Detmer, an ex-Navy SEAL, put everyone back before six kids had to go to the hospital.
Let me see the suspension note from the teacher.
How did you know?
Kid, I got a nickname at work, it's the Human Lie Detector.
I spend my day analyzing lies and the people who tell them.
Rule number one, every lie is built on a kernel of truth.
Take your little fib, for instance.
If I were to put money on it, I'd say the only true thing that you just said is that
Mr. Detmer is ex-Navy SEAL.
You're right.
That's amazing.
Not really.
The relative specificity of that statement compared to the others made it obvious.
Look, Shawn, if you continue to lie like this nobody's going to believe you when it counts.
And that could put your life on the line.
Like maybe when I might be a cop?
No! 
Like now.
SHAWN: 
Shawn Spencer thrives on clutch moments like this.
It's just him, the ball and the hole.
He's surrounded by silence.
And a man wearing a hefty bag on angel dust.
Come on, dude.
I was in the zone.
Now I have to start all over.
(SIGHS)
Shawn, the floor is flat.
I don't know why you can't just putt in our office.
Because Gus, anyone can hit a ball into an empty cup.
The true challenge is to guide the ball almost magically through the organized chaos of human bustle and into the hole as if no one were there.
Let's just hope it works better than when you attempted the same thing with the darts.
Pardon me, I nailed that, 30-foot bulls-eye.
No. 
You hit a guy's eye.
Shh!
Dude.
Stay alive.
GUS: 
What?
Get there.
Oh!
RYAN: 
How about my phone call, huh?
You'll get your phone call.
I didn't do it.
You have to believe me.
Oh!
Who put a putting green in here?
He was already dead.
I was trying to resuscitate him.
Wait, wait, that guy.
The one with the great hair.
He can vouch for me.
I think we worked at Busch Gardens together one summer.
Yeah, we made funnel cakes.
Oh, look at that, Gus, he must have gotten me confused with another man with great hair.
And the white guy, I know him, too.
JULIET: 
Save it, Ryan.
Hey, remember?
CARLTON:
Just shut up!
Uh, Jules...
What's the story there?
Yeah?
That's Ryan Bainsworth, or Lyin' Ryan, as we call him around here.
He's a compulsive liar who is notorious for calling in tips and sending the department on wild goose chases.
He's pretty much an embarrassment to all of us.
How can you tell that someone's a compulsive liar?
I mean, assuming that their pants aren't on fire.
Trust me, we know.
Oh, come on, Jules.
We all tend to bend the truth just a little.
Not me. 
Mmm-mmm.
Oh, really?
Does this ring a bell?
(IN FEMALE VOICE) "No, Shawn, I have not had any naughty dreams about you."
And, "Yes, Shawn, I do wish Gus was never born, so that I could be your partner."
What?
True story.
That's messed up.
I never said that, Gus.
Anyway, Ryan usually comes in claiming to be a witness to a crime, but this time it looks like he's committed one.
Oh, Detective O'Hara, this is Dr. Morey, the DA's psychological expert.
Nice to meet you.
Here's the file on our suspect.
Thank you very much.
Don't mind them.
They're just here to observe.
She's right.
Please carry on.
When you're finished, I'd appreciate it if you'd evaluate my partner Gus.
For years he's been claiming to be insane in the membrane.
All right, why don't you just do us all a favor and write down in neat little letters all about how you stabbed and murdered your super in cold blood?
For the last time, I'm innocent.
I had asked my super to fix the garbage disposal.
I clogged it with cinnamon sticks and lemon wedges from a marinade.
Afterwards, he was to check my pipes because the polarity is completely off and the water drains counterclockwise, but by the time I got home, I found him there.
Dead.
Doctor, if I can speak for you.
I'd rather you didn't.
Look, all things being equal, I'd rather be scrapbooking right now, but that's not important.
Though I have been known to make a kickass collage.
Then maybe you'd like to tell me who did kill him.
Yes. 
An assassin.
An assassin?
A hired assassin.
No, two of them, actually.
Yes, you see that has to be it.
The night before, I went to this restaurant to get a basket of these things called fries cuatro quesos, dos fritos.
You know, the ones where they inject potatoes with a four cheese mixture, fry them three quarters of the way, pull them out, batter them, fry them again and then serve them with bacon and an ancho chili sour cream.
Anyway, as I was sitting there, a car speeds right through the storefront across the street.
It makes such a loud noise, I had to turn my head and look and that is when I overheard the guy with the curly Q's on his face tell the other guy at the corner table about the assassination plot.
Can that be true?
No way.
I mean, is it even possible?
I couldn't imagine it.
There's no way you can prepare a fry like that.
That'd be way too much for the human palate to manage.
It would be a flavor seizure.
Gentlemen, please, don't be ridiculous.
She's right.
Let's just take a minute here, think things through.
They must be parboiling the potato first.
An assassination plot?
Seriously, how gullible do you think we are?
You have to believe me.
I'm 100% sure on this.
I clearly heard one of them say that they were going to kill someone with his belt buckle.
Ryan, come on.
They must have known that I overheard them.
That's why they were trying to kill me.
But they surprised the super in my apartment, got him instead.
And he tried to stop them.
They killed him.
How did they know where to find you, huh?
Because I was looking for them.
I was asking around, putting up flyers.
Oh, flyers. 
Oh, well, that makes sense then.
You advertised for killers.
You have to believe me.
These are the guys that you want.
If you don't catch them, someone else is going to die, I swear to you.
I have a question.
No.
It's not a yes or no question.
What is the name of the restaurant that serves these alleged fries?
And might I substitute a garlic, lemon aioli?
Spencer, out.
(SOFTLY) Officer, if it helps any, I think substitutions are allowed.
So what do you think, Dr. Morey?
Well, he shows all the classic signs of an underlying pathology.
People like this lie in order to make themselves valuable.
Over time, when people stop believing their lies, they're forced to escalate their behavior in order to reclaim the attention.
Could he escalate it to the point of murder?
My professional opinion?
Please.
His police history and the circumstantial evidence of his fingerprints on the murder weapon and the victim's blood on his hands...
Hmm, yes, I think that should be enough to prosecute him.
Well that's too bad.
Why?
Because Lyin' Ryan is telling the truth this time.
Oh.
In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity
I'm not inclined to resign to maturity
If it's all right then you're all wrong
But why bounce around to the same damn song?
You'd rather run when you can't crawl
I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth
I know, you know They just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception Learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end
And you're sure you want to take on the SBPD, an expert in forensic psychology and the DA's office?
Because they all believe he's guilty.
I certainly want to investigate further.
Every good liar's lies are rooted in a kernel of truth.
This isn't even our case.
Are you trying to show up the police department?
Is this about pride?
Gus, I got these jeans at a garage.
Not a garage sale, a garage.
Clearly, pride is not an issue for me.
This is about me not wanting a man to be wrongfully convicted because he has a sickness that he cannot control.
Plus, he appreciated my hair.
No, he appreciated my hair.
He was lying.
He's a compulsive liar, that's what they do.
Come on, try to play Catch Up.
Uh, why don't you play, Investigate This on Your Own?
(LAUGHS) Fine.
Stay here, wash the dishes in those ridiculous gloves.
I'm going to the restaurant that he said had cheese infused twice battered fries.
I'll drive.
WAITRESS: 
Enjoy!
The fries exist, Shawn.
He was telling the truth in a big way.
They're like a pyramid of savory goodness.
Let's just sit here and look at them for a while.
(SNIFFING)
Dude, this feels like a family establishment, doesn't it?
I'm not sure two ruthless hired gunmen would frequent a place like...
RYAN: 
A car speeds right through the storefront window across the street, that made me turn my head.
...this.
Uh, excuse us.
Uh-huh.
Do you remember if there were two threatening looking guys sitting at the table in the corner yesterday?
Oh, my gosh. 
Yes!
How did you know that?
He's psychic.
Oh, oh! 
Do you do parties?
Private ones, yes.
Were you thinking of throwing a little something together for yourself?
Uh, no. 
My niece, she's turning six.
Not available for that.
Uh, do you by chance remember overhearing anything they said?
No the only thing they said to me was when they ordered.
A beer and a cup of hot water with cinnamon sticks and lemon wedges.
I clogged it with cinnamon sticks and lemon wedges from a marinade.
But they were totally creepy.
Scared the heck out of the hostess.
Yeah, I saw those guys.
Definitely, very creepy.
The one with the weird handlebar mustache.
And that is when I overheard the guy with the curly Q's on his face.
Handlebar mustache?
Like the Hamburglar?
No, no, no.
That was Mayor McCheese.
He had the 'stache.
Burglar had the mask.
Right, right.
Then there was Grimace.
That brother was funny.
What?
No, no, no, no, no.
Excuse us.
I gave you Vin Diesel.
Gave me?
You're not claiming Grimace as a brother.
Grimace is a brother.
He's an amorphous mass.
He's like a big amoeba.
He's a black amoeba, Shawn.
Purple.
Anyway...
When I seated them,
I saw a bulge under his suit jacket.
Like from a gun on his belt.
They were going to kill someone with his belt buckle.
I think I'm starting to understand how Ryan works.
When people stop believing their lies, they're forced to escalate their behavior in order to reclaim the attention.
I'm sorry. 
Anything else?
No, but you guys should talk to Carl, the valet.
He had a really weird story.
Thank you.
What color was Grimace?
What?
Black.
Yeah, those creepy dudes.
They were talking a lot about money or something.
Then one of them slips the other one a bag of cash, but then they give me a 50 cent tip.
You know, it really pisses me off when folks are too cheap to even shell out for a dollar.
I hear that.
Take care of yourself.
(SPLUTTERS)
Mr. Spencer, Mr. Guster.
What are you doing here?
Well, Chief, if you must know.
I must.
We are going to speak with Ryan because the psychic bone in this finger is telling me that he is not lying about the hit men, which means he may also be telling the truth about the assassination plot.
And if we don't follow up on it, even though it seems pretty thin, someone could die.
What? 
No, I will.
I will tell her that because it's spot on.
Chief, that is a very smart pantsuit.
I'm not having a conversation with your pinkie.
Okay, one last question.
Loehmann's or Talbots?
Even if I did believe you, which I don't,
I have been down this road with Ryan too many times.
Now, unless you have some concrete proof of something, you and your pinkie are banned from wasting any department resources on any information coming from Ryan Bainsworth.
Fair enough!
We will find you something concrete.
Thank you.
Good news, we have an ingenious plan.
Ingenious.
Huh.
So, maybe you'd like to turn and face another direction.
Preferably away from Ryan's holding cell.
You're not speaking to him.
This is not a case for you.
Go home.
Oh!
Oh, us.
We should... 
We go home.
Thank you.
No, no.
You didn't do anything wrong.
It's not your fault.
His name was Grimace Jackson, Shawn.
Grimace T. Jackson.
You're ridiculous.
Whatever.
How are we going to get into Ryan's apartment to check it out?
Follow my lead.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Hiya.
Hello.
May I help you?
Perhaps.
My name is Shawn Spencer, I'm with the Big Uncles of America program.
This is my underprivileged mentee, Hollaback Atcha.
He's selling magazine subscriptions as a way to learn business skills.
Otherwise, he'd be forced to join a gang if he was still on the streets.
If I were still out on the street, I'd be an OG.
(CHUCKLING) You wish.
Okay, just don't tell anyone I let you in.
Oh, thank you very much.
Now what exactly are we looking for?
Evidence. 
Evidence to corroborate the story.
Check it out.
Look at the way the blood sprayed along the wall.
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
Just look.
What?
The aortic spatter? 
Sure.
It means that the super's aortic artery was punctured during the murder.
The built up blood pressure causes different kinds of...
Wow.
Some of us like to be prepared, Shawn.
No, no.
When Ryan came into the station, he only had blood on his hands.
If he had killed the super, wouldn't it have sprayed all over his clothes, too?
Oh, no!
Oh, my gosh. 
Oh, oh!
(GRUNTS)
That means that the super was in the wrong place at the really, really wrong time.
The assassins took him out thinking he was Ryan.
How did they know where to find you, huh?
Because I was looking for them.
I was asking around, putting up flyers.
That means Ryan's telling the truth.
Which also means that there's someone else out there with a target on their back.
Gus, look!
Ryan really did work at Busch Gardens.
Is that what he thinks good hair looks like?
I think that's Koko B. Ware.
Shawn, come on.
Look, he's letting Ryan shoulder the parrot.
Where are we going to find these so-called assassins?
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
But Ryan's the only one that can help us find them.
Even if they did exist, the Chief was emphatic when she said, she does not want us talking to Ryan while he's in police custody.
Bingo.
Don't say bingo.
Cranium.
Now, I'll play some Cranium.
How much do we have in the Psych savings account?
I really hate it when you ask that question.
Thank you very much.
What are you doing here?
Dapper Dan!
Just going to pay a visit to our old buddy Ryan.
You were given direct orders to stay away from him.
Yeah, we don't take orders well.
No.
Unless they're to get on the dance floor.
Or raise the roof.
Make some noise with a "Z."
You know what?
Just forget I asked, okay?
(GRUNTS) Sorry.
What is it, the first day with the new feet?
He spent all day in court waiting to testify on a case and the defense attorney didn't show up again.
But he's right, you guys can't communicate with Ryan while he's in custody.
I guess it's a good thing he's no longer in custody.
Seeing as how we just posted his bail.
Looks like paper.
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Actually our life savings.
Bye, bye.
Hey, you guys want lunch?
You know I own a restaurant downtown.
Actually, it's not all mine.
I co-own it with Mike Ditka.
You guys eat wild game, don't you?
Once we find the real killers, the police will believe us.
Us? 
What us?
I'm not convinced you didn't kill that dude.
Blood splatter is a subjective science.
It was the assassins, I'm telling you.
And if we don't stop them, they're going to kill again.
I think Ryan has a point.
Is there a Kinko's nearby?
We should make some new flyers.
What information do you actually have?
I don't know if it's enough, but I did overhear a time, a place, and a name.
Come again.
I know who, what and where.
Ryan, that...
That's everything we need to know.
That's all of it.
Why didn't you just say that in the first place?
Because no one would let me.
That's true, Gus, that's very true.
Yeah, I got that, Shawn.
Just go ahead, Ryan.
The time was 10:00.
10:00.
To 4:30.
10:00 to 4:30.
Yeah.
A six hour window?
What, do your killers work at the cable company?
It's okay. 
What's the place?
Four twenty...
Four twenty-something.
I didn't get a street name or an apartment number, but the address definitely has a 420 in it.
Hmm.
But the name I have.
Perfect. 
What is it?
Tom.
SHAWN: 
Tom?
You wouldn't happen to have a last name, would you?
Come on, guys!
I can't do everything for you.
Oh, I'm teaching a water aerobics class in 20 minutes.
I've got to go.
Go? 
We just bailed you out of jail.
Ryan, it's okay.
I trust you.
Do your thing.
We'll let you know when we have something.
Perfect. 
I will have one of my assistants track me down wherever I am.
Count on it!
Okay...
Don't worry, Gus.
We'll travel faster without him.
All right, fine.
Every liar has a tell.
So, why...
Sure he's good, but if you listen, it's there.
All right, would you...
Let's head back to the office.
Will you stop...
Of course, we're going to stop for tacos on the way.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
What time do you close?
Well, if you're closed already, why are you answering the phone?
Dude, the clock is ticking on some guy's life and you're out getting a milkshake?
(SCOFFING) Gus, don't be this crevice in my arm.
This isn't a milkshake, it's a smoothie.
There's a huge difference.
And I was going around the neighborhood checking all the places that are open from 10:00 to 4:30 and by blind luck one of them just happened to be the only juice bar in Santa Barbara that offers blueberries in the mist with açaí and goji berries.
I didn't order that.
This is the normal blueberries in the mist.
How did you do?
I've got a list of all the addresses in Santa Barbara that begin with 420.
There are over 700 possibilities, Shawn.
Four twenty, first street, 420, second street, you get the drift.
Wow.
I guess next we'll have to comb through apartments and suites, too.
What are you doing?
I'm sorry, Shawn, but I never fully believed Ryan in the first place.
I was going along with your gut as usual.
And I have a non-negotiable distance limit on those trips.
I have a real job.
Are you telling me you would rather sell pharmaceuticals than foil an assassination plot and clear an innocent man that's been accused of murder?
Innocent man?
We just took on the world's most unreliable client.
I get the feeling I'm going to need all the commissions I can get.
I'll be spending the next six weeks praying he doesn't skip out on his hearing, so we can get our bail money back.
You can get bail money back?
Well, what am I supposed to do?
I don't know.
Call the Human Lie Detector.
Okay, Ryan.
Just tell him exactly what you told the police.
Oh, I killed the super of my building.
What?
That's not...
That's not true at all.
Well, the Santa Barbara Police Department seems to think it's true.
Otherwise, why did they arrest me?
Shawn, if this guy says that he's guilty, what the hell am I doing here?
He's lying.
Wait, he's lying about lying?
Yes. 
No. 
I...
Ryan! 
Ryan, tell him about the assassins.
The creepy assassins with the handlebar mustache and the plot and the counterclockwise water, please.
(LAUGHING) Assassins?
Counterclockwise water?
Really, Shawn, if I said that, I would sound crazy.
Dude, you are crazy.
You're way off the reservation, that's why I'm trying to keep you out of jail.
When you lie, does that make you feel important?
Because if you keep lying the way you do, no one will believe you when it counts.
I will slap you in the face.
Oh, violence is not the answer.
I would say that you are the second most sane person in this room.
(LAUGHS)
Ryan, would you excuse us for just a minute?
Oh, yeah.
Don't wander off.
All right, Shawn.
(SIGHS)
Why are you working so hard on this one?
I work hard on all my cases.
I know you do.
You work hard to have fun, to show off.
Look, I'm not an idiot.
I know this guy's got a screw loose.
He's lying out his ass.
What I don't understand is why you're taking this one so seriously.
I guess because nobody, including the police, believes him.
I know what's going on here.
Oh, really?
Yes, I do.
Shawn, listen to me.
You are not Ryan.
Yeah, you stretch the truth a little bit sometimes, but at least you know where the line is.
Of course, I know where the line is.
But only because of two things.
One, you always had somebody around who knew when you were lying and bothered to call you on it.
What's the second thing?
Well, I'd like to say that you always had enough natural talent to fall back on.
But I'd be lying.
Listen to me, kid.
If you ever drag my ass down here again to do Guster's job, I'm going to hit you up with a consulting fee.
Okay, good night, Captain.
What was that?
That was me saving your life.
From my dad?
We don't know who we can trust.
We've got to stay low. 
Low.
I have a face guy who can disguise us, get us out of the country if need be.
He's... 
Yeah, he's probably going to have to break your nose, but remember, this is what you signed up for.
Stop it!
What?
This is real.
Your life is in danger.
Okay? 
Even Batman takes off the cape and the cowl when he's in the Batcave with Alfred, so just pretend like I'm Alfred and you be Ryan
Wayne.
(PHONE RINGING)
(GASPS) It's them!
It's them! 
Don't get it!
Hold on.
Don't!
(SIGHS)
Hello?
Shawn, I can't believe I'm making this call, but I figured it out.
I'm standing at 420 Main Street.
And guess what it is?
A hospital.
Spencer, what the hell?
Are you all right?
Yeah, of course I am. 
Why?
Well, we got the message that you were at the hospital, something about life and death?
Oh, right, that.
Well, we are in a hospital and, as it happens, it's filled with both life and death.
I knew, I should have left that message.
What's going on, Spencer?
Ryan and I spent some quality time in a psychic sweat lodge.
Toweled.
Fully.
And I have had a clear vision of the absolute truth.
The target of the assassination is right down the hall.
His name is Tom.
Tom Lieber.
And he needs police protection.
Is this more of your bullcrap, Bainsworth?
Because in addition to your murder charge,
I'm pretty sure we have enough to charge you with reckless disregard of police resources.
You two, as well.
More than enough grounds.
Wait, no, you have to believe us!
MAN: 
Ah! 
You're killing me!
You're killing me!
Freeze!
Perfect timing.
I'm dead. 
Thanks a lot.
You. 
Out.
No, no, no, no! 
I don't want to hear it anymore.
Get out.
Spencer, thank you once again for completely wasting my time.
Once again, just last week I gave you the tip about the twice yearly sale at T.J. Maxx.
Racks and racks of $7 ties.
Wasting your time?
I don't think so.
What's going on?
Is this about the accident?
Because I still don't remember it.
What accident?
I hit a car.
You mean you were hit by a car?
No, I hit one. 
Or at least that's what they told me.
I don't remember any of it.
Why would I even want to hit a Buick?
I don't have anything against Buicks.
Carlton, look at this.
Sir, are you suffering from amnesia?
Yeah. 
Maybe. 
I think.
Or something like that.
Great.
Leave it to Lyin' Ryan to find the only amnesiac in Santa Barbara.
Although, I won't be the only amnesia person much longer, I'm getting my memory back.
A little bit each day.
Look, Lieber.
Tom. 
I never forgot that.
How wonderful for you.
We think you may be in grave danger.
No, we don't.
Yes, we do.
This side of the room, the cool side...
Sorry, Jules.
...think that... (UNDER HIS BREATH) How... 
How do we...
Someone may be trying to kill you.
Are you blackmailing anyone?
Are you having a torrid affair?
Are you part of Treadstone?
Wait, don't answer the last question.
Oh, wow, no. 
No.
I work from home, receiving and processing complaints for a mattress manufacturer.
On Tuesdays, I go out and get new games, maybe throw in a trip to 7-Eleven for a grape Slurpee, which must have been where I was going...
Oh, just after 6:00.
Anapamu Street.
I would have been there right after the...
What?
My games.
All over the street.
How great would those have been during my convalescence?
Okay, this is fascinating.
Spencer, make-believe time's over.
We got real police work to do.
By the way, you're still a long ways off from connecting anyone other than Ryan to the murder of that super.
CARLTON: 
Hey, Chief, what do you got?
Shawn, what are we doing?
Ryan lied to us again.
He made us look like fools again.
And now we're standing in the room with a guy who literally knows nothing.
No offense, Tom.
No, none taken.
Visiting hours ended hours ago.
You gentlemen need to finish your business now.
Oh, our business is definitely finished.
Trust me.
Tom, I do hope you remember stuff.
(SIGHS)
Yeah. 
No, no, no, you got it.
We'll be there in ten.
I certainly hope you didn't make dinner reservations at Souplantation.
Gus and I have already eaten.
I suppose we could go around the corner and watch you eat, if you'd like.
They just found a body in a vacant office suite on the corner of Gardner and Carrillo.
Really? 
Any ID?
You're not going to believe this, it is the defense attorney on the case we've been trying to give testimony on all week.
(SIGHS) Huh.
What about Ryan's assassins?
You should call either the Loch Ness monster or Bigfoot if you get in trouble.
I'm sure they'd be happy to help.
First of all Bigfoot and I haven't spoken in five years.
Six if you don't count his cousin's wedding, which was literally like, "Hey, B."
(GRUNTING)
Come on, Jules, you know me and I know people.
I can read them.
You know that.
I have spent enough time with Ryan to know when he's lying and when he's telling the truth.
And there is a kernel of truth in every one of his stories so they cannot be dismissed.
Neither can he. 
He's a person.
A person is more than the tales that they tell.
Yeah, well, right now he's more than just a person.
He's a doctor.
You know they say we doctors have a God complex.
But after seven years of neurosurgery,
I say we have a complex God.
Look on the bright side, Spencer, you keep up this losing streak, you'll become completely useless to the department.
I know, we haven't eaten.
Shawn, we are treading on thin ice right now.
Yes, but I'm about to do a double axle into a Salchow and finish with a sweet little camel toe.
You mean camel spin.
I've heard it both ways.
I'm right about the Ryan thing.
No, you are obsessed with this Ryan thing.
And, dude, if your psychic powers disappear,
Vick won't need to hire us anymore.
There's no way we can subsist on the private jobs we get.
How many times must we go through this?
I am this close to getting on the Pro Bowlers Tour.
I am not doing this.
Okay. 
I get it.
We have to make nice with the Chief.
Why do you think I brought along this peace offering?
You really think that one container of fries cuatro quesos, dos fritos is going to fix everything?
Yes, I do.
(SIGHS)
The lawyer had two slugs in his chest.
Ballistics is checking the system for matches.
Any trace?
Nothing yet.
The lab's going to call the second they find anything.
Oh, not now, gentlemen.
We are in the middle of a homicide investigation.
And don't think I don't know that you've been wasting my detectives' time chasing leads, once again supplied by Ryan Bainsworth.
Chief. 
Chief Vick.
Hmm.
Chief Karen Charles Vick.
Here. 
Ooh!
It's a fries cuatro quesos, dos fritos and apparently doesn't travel well.
The point is we are sorry for making Lassiter and Juliet run around town on wild goose chases.
Shawn's psychic powers have been a tad on the fritz.
The good news is they're back to 100% working order and we are fully available to help on this murder case you are now on.
Even more good news, those taste better than they look.
GUS: 
Yes, they do.
Fine.
Apology accepted.
And my middle name is not Charles.
I took a shot.
I knew it was a C.
(SIGHS)
Now about this defense attorney's murder case, any victim of an assassination plot?
GUS: 
Wow, really?
As odd as it sounds, it actually did cross my mind.
So I checked it out and I can say with certainty that he is not the victim of Mr. Bainsworth's assassination plot.
The coroner puts time of death at four days ago and a recently discovered witness who heard shots at 6:00 that evening confirms it.
Which means the lawyer was killed before
Ryan allegedly overheard these men planning a hit.
Our victim would have already been dead at that point.
No need to kill him again.
Unless he was a zombie.
BUZZ: 
Chief?
Yes.
The surveillance video from the backdoor of the garage near the scene of the crime came in, it's corrupted.
There's not much of it.
Hey, are those the fries cuatro quesos?
Yes, they are.
They don't travel well.
O'Hara, set it up.
Let's take a look.
Wait, dude, she said the lawyer died four days ago.
Yes. 
It's over, Shawn.
Four days ago was Tuesday.
That means the lawyer got killed in a building on Gardner Street on the same day that Lieber got hit by a car on Anapamu.
Not just the same day, the same time, around 6:00 p.m.
And those streets are only two blocks away.
Ryan, the lawyer, Lieber, they're all connected somehow.
Come on.
Fries.
(CLEARS THROAT) Sorry to interrupt.
I just got a very strong vibe that you're about to apologize to us.
In what world would we ever apologize to you?
Wayne's, maybe Dave's, it's a small...
Spencer.
I believe this DVD will prove that Ryan and I have been right all along.
(GASPS)
No, who's that?
O'Hara, rewind that.
GUS: 
No way!
CARLTON:
That's Tom Lieber.
That's the kid that Bainsworth led us to at the hospital,
Chief, and he's running away from where the body was found.
Well, I guess you were right, Mr. Spencer,
Lieber must have killed the lawyer and then got hit by the car as he fled the scene.
Ooh, I don't know, the spirits are a little cloudy on that part, Chief.
I'm sorry for the spirits, but we don't have time for gray areas.
Detectives, I want you to get to that hospital right now.
From what I understand Lieber is regaining his memory and the second he remembers what he did, he could run.
Come on, let's go.
Got it.
She knows she's not going to eat that.
GUS: 
What?
I don't think Lieber's the killer.
I saw something on the tape. 
Hold on.
There. 
Right there.
He stops and looks back over his shoulder. 
Why?
Because someone is chasing him.
Two creepy someones, to be exact.
Lieber didn't kill the lawyer, but he saw who did.
Ryan's assassins.
They chased him into traffic and they thought that was the end of it.
But then the newspaper reports that he survived, goes into a coma, wakes up with amnesia, the killers think they still have a window.
But today's paper said he's regaining his memory.
So Ryan overheard the real killers plotting to take out Lieber.
We have got to get back to the hospital and tell Lassy and Jules that these guys are coming back to clean up their own mess.
Come on!
JULIET: 
What was his condition, now, did he seem...
Yeah, Dawson, I need an APB out on a Thomas Lieber.
He's wanted for questioning in a murder.
Get his picture from the DMV.
Where's Lieber?
Gone. 
Looks like he's on the lamb.
If he's on a lamb, he won't get far.
Alpaca, different story.
Those things really fly.
You two don't need to be here.
It's not true, Lassy.
Lieber didn't kill the lawyer.
He witnessed Ryan's assassins do the deed and now they've clearly come back to get him.
And I promise I will ask all about your insane little theories once I put them both in jail.
(EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) Come on, Gus. 
Let's find Tom.
I should have been onto this way earlier.
I can't believe I didn't make the connection.
We don't know that Lieber's dead, Shawn.
Maybe he remembered and left before the killers could find him.
Hey, guys!
They're right behind us!
They're going to kill us!
Drive! 
Drive!
Okay, enough with the seat belts!
Just drive!
They're right behind us!
RYAN: 
Where did you learn to drive?
All right, now you want to keep this upright.
I'm sorry.
I had to take matters into my own hands.
I snuck Lieber out the ambulance bay and when I saw you guys pull up I knew we could hide in the car.
Incoming!
So, wait, you just took him out of the hospital?
Well, I had to act quickly.
Tom started to remember everything.
Well, not everything, really. 
Yet.
And the killers, the killers were already in the building.
It was like a game of cat and mouse trying to get out of there unseen.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Didn't we just use the elevator?
Would you please let me tell the story?
He's parking, he's parking, he's parking!
(EXHALING)
Very nice, partner.
Just weaved your way through those obstacles like a ferret on roller skates or...
Hey, what are you doing?
Why are we slowing down?
RYAN: 
No, no, no.
SHAWN: 
Gus.
What are you doing?
Dude, the killers are right behind us!
Nobody's following us, Shawn.
And there never was.
The only thing I know for sure right now is that we are harboring two fugitives.
Okay, Gus, look, I believe Ryan, but I understand why you don't.
I maxed you out in the blind faith department and that's fair so you don't have to believe him.
Just keep believing in me.
Come on, buddy.
That's them! 
That's them!
That's them!
That's the guys from the restaurant!
It's coming back to me.
They shot that man!
(GUNSHOT FIRES)
RYAN: 
Drive! 
Drive!
SHAWN: 
Hey, Gus, drive!
GUS: 
I'm gonna kill you, Shawn!
Get down!
RYAN: 
We got to get out of here! 
We're sitting ducks!
(ALL CLAMORING)
SHAWN: 
Everybody run!
Run, run, run! 
Go, run!
RYAN: 
Serpentine!
Serpentine! 
Zigzag!
Hide in here!
What are you doing?
We're never going to make it!
Not at a complete stop, we won't!
Doctor, this bag is empty.
Is that important?
I'll hold them off.
Get him back to the hospital.
Hopefully Lassy and Jules are still there.
Hold them off, how?
I don't know. 
I'll think of something, I always do!
So do I.
Shawn.
SHAWN: 
Just get him out of here.
He's the one that has to make it.
Then I'm going to kill you, Shawn.
I'll give you every opportunity to do that, buddy.
(GRUNTING)
We accept the terms of your surrender.
Uh, you mean you're surrendering.
Yeah. 
We're the ones holding the guns here.
(CHUCKLING) Well...
You and the 20 or so cops that are waiting in lie around that corner.
Plus, hasn't there been enough bloodshed already?
I mean first the lawyer, then Ryan's poor super.
You guys are terrible at cleaning up after yourselves.
Yeah, and you're lying about the backup.
Look into my eyes and tell me if I'm lying.
(EXHALES)
There's no backup.
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
(GUNSHOTS FIRING)
They were telling the truth.
Apparently so.
That's a good looking handlebar.
I wonder who his mustache guy is.
Down on the ground, cowboy.
That's better.
Oh, good, you're both here.
Whoa, let me guess, there's a bomb on a bus and if it goes below 50 miles per hour the whole thing's going to explode!
No, no, no more lies.
I am quitting cold turkey, turning over a new leaf.
Really?
No more Lyin' Ryan.
No.
Just like you said, I am going to be just Ryan.
If you hadn't believed me an innocent person would have ended up dead.
And all because I became a guy who couldn't be taken at his word.
So I just wanted to come here to thank you before I took off.
Well, if it's any consolation, I believed you from the very beginning.
Especially since you recognized I have great hair.
I was talking about him.
You were lying.
It's okay. 
I forgive you.
I'm coming around.
So where are you off to?
This is unbelievable.
I got tapped to captain a hot air balloon in a multi-state regatta.
I take off tomorrow.
Hot air balloons have captains?
Oh, yeah.
Of course they have captains.
Captains, first mates, deck hands, I got really lucky.
It was a friend of a friend of mine, kind of thing.
If you guys ever want a ride, I mean come on, I owe you.
I'll even let you steer the thing, just don't tell anyone, okay?
Take care of yourselves.
Man, I am glad he is out of our life.
That's ridiculous.
(SCOFFS) Hot air balloon?
That's crazy though, right?
Yeah. 
It's not possible.
Do you think he would really let us steer?
There's only one way to find out.
You said you weren't going to fall for any more of his stories.
No, I didn't.
Whatever!
I knew you were lying.
You're a liar. 
Shotgun.
How am I a liar?
You can't call shotgun on a hot air balloon, Shawn!
In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity
I'm not inclined to resign to maturity
If it's all right then you're all wrong
But why bounce around to the same damn song?
You'd rather run when you can't crawl
I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth
I know, you know They just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception Learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end
I know, you know
I know, you know

Previously on 90210:
I'm pregnant.
I just need some time to think,all right?
Ththe doct is gonna want to know who the father is.
Guess who?
Ty.
Some things you say have the power to hurt people,you know?
Yeah,I think I do.
So I'm gonna break up with you.
You should audition,too!
nah.
Come on.
Otherwise,we'll never get to see each other.
I'm really not up for the cast-and-crew dinner.
The whole point of me doing this play was so we could hang out together.
You go ahead.
I changed my mind.
All right.
Be there in two.
ethan?
Ethan!
We already go down this hallway?
I think we already been down this one.
Mom,I can't,okay?
What if he's not okay?
Hang on,hang on.We are looking for ethan ward.
He would have been admitted about an hour ago.
Annie.
Ethan,oh,my god,you're okay!
Are you okay?
You look okay.
Yeah,I'm fine.
I'm so,so g lad.
Are you in pain?
Just when you squeeze that tight.
Oh,I'm sorry.
You had us worried,buddy.
I.
yeah,I'm sorry.
No,it's okay.We're just happy you're all right.
I am.
Just bruised and shaken,but the woman in the other car, rhonda kimba I guess is her name,she's in surgery.
And ifhe doesn't make it.
no,stop.
I'm sure she's gonna be okay,too.
Do you mind if we just wait here until she's out of surgery?
Yeah.
That's fine,yeah.
Of course.
It's gonna be ok
you have to tell ty.
He's responsible,too,a I'm just waiting for the right moment.
Yeah,well,the right moment was about two hours ago.
And two lamb schwarmas ago.
Stop eating that crap.
Hey,I'm eating for two.
I'm aware of that.
Tell him.
Hey,ty.
There's my leading lady.
Umdo you have a sec?
For my queen?
Come on.
So,what's going on?
There's no easy to say this.
I'm pregnant.
And it's your baby.
What?
Yeah.
I though you were,you know,on the pill?
Well,yeah,sometimes I took those pil sometimes I took other pills.
You'll just.
get it taken care of.
It's too late for that.
medically.
great.
Oh,god.
Anyway,I thought you'd like to kn
this can't be happening.
I can't believe I didn't see that stop sign.
Hey,it happens.
That's why they call them "accidents."
I-I wasn't paying attention,and I was on the phone.
With me.
I shouldn't have called.
Okay,stop it,you two.
This isn't helping anybody.
I'm looking for the family of rhonda kimb
At's us.
Your daughter has a collapsed lung.
She'll make a full recovery.
She's stabilizing now.
Looks like she's gonna be o you ready to head home?
Uh,you guys go.
My mom's on her way,so I'll just wait for her here.
We'll wait with you then.
Actually,I wouldn't mind having a few minutes alo
I have to apologize to rhoi gotta figure out what to say.
Okay.
We'll see you later.
Well,call me after you talk to her,okay?
Oh,I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Gen.
hey,uh,is he okay?
Yeah.
Spooked,but fine.
Thank god.
Guess there's,uh,something in the air tonight or somethi what do you mean?
Uh,just really hasn't been a good nig you want to tell us what it is or should we play charad all right.
Me and silver broke up.
What?
Why?
I don't want to talk about iT.
Oh,honey,I'm sorry.
It's-it's co you know,I'M.
Really not into that whole unrequited love thing.
You know?
So I had to get out before one of us got h or more hurt.
But,anyhow.
I don't want to talk about it,so that's it.
I'm glad ethan's okay.
Yeah.
And I'll see you guys tomorrow.
All right,buddy.
Good night.
- Night.
- Good night.
It's a proven fact that male brains mature slower than female brains.
Trust me,ty's,like,11 in girl years.
I don't know what I expected him to say ooh,are you gonna finish that?
ade,you gotta tell your mom.
Listen,if perez hilton has taught us anything,it's that you can't hide a baby bump forever.
I'm not gonna hide it forever.
Just until I figure out what I'm gonna do.
Well,maybe she could help you.
My mom?
Yeah,right.
She could surprise you.
She'll surprise me if she doesn't kick me out.
I'm practically her personal atm.
And something tells me I'm not gonna be booking a lot of parts once I start to s that's totally gonna suck.
I don't know what's gonna be worse,like,my mom finding out or everyone at sch oh,everyone at school.
I mean,it'll be a constant barrage of whispers and rumors,and this is not helping.
I'm sorry.
No,it's true.
It'S.
it's gonna be totally humiliating.
Like,I just,I just got finished being rehab girl and now I have to be pregnant girl.
I'm just so sick of reading about how screwed up i on the bathroom walls,you know?
Adrianna?
Mom,hi.
I've spent all day picking up after people at the restaurant.
I hope you don't expect me to clean up this mess.
No,I'll clean iT.
Hello,constance.
Hi,naomi.
Don't you have a curfew?
I'm staying at the hotel,so,no.
So,did you hear about the toothpaste commercial?
Yeah,I did.
I didn't get it.
But I got the lead at the school play.
Damn.
That was a national spot.
Well,I-I know.
I tryeah.
I can see all the effort.
Laying around eating mac and cheese.
There's a recipe for success.
90210 Season01 Episode15
Thanks for coming.
I justanted to apologize for my reaction last nig I was in shock.
And from what I remember,I didn't handle it very we it's okay.
I kind of blindsided you.
No,ade,it's not okay.
I should be more sensitive to what you're going thr and how you're feeling.
How are you feeling?
Emotio hungry all of the time.
Well,look,I talked to my parents last night.
You did?
Well,sure,I mean.
we can't get through this by ourselves,right?
Riwhat did they say?
Well,they were shocand mad but after two very dry martinis, they calmed down a d deancided they'd help us figure it what did your mom say?
Um,pretty much the same thioh.
Well,my parents want to have you guys over for dinner.
Me and my mom?
Yeah,I don't know if that's really a good id well,they're very insistent.
They want me to take responsibility and so do I.
We're in this together,ade.
All right.
Now,if I order some chili cheese fr would you share 'em?
Yeahall right.
I'm starved.
I don't know where I belong.
you know what we got to do to get over lver and adrianna,right?
Yeah,I know exactly what to do.
Find a rogue scientist who's willing to experiment with the whole eternal sunshine thing?
No.
The only way to get over a girl is to get a new gi.
Hell to the yes.
Oh,man,who am I kidding?
I'm never gonna get another girl.
Dude,dude,what is wrong with you?
I'm bad at the whole dating thing,man.
Nah,no,you're not.
It took me 11 years to get up the ne to ask out adriannA.
Yeah,that is a little pathetic.
You know,maybe the whole mind-erasing thing isn't such a bad idea.
Just,dude,I'm just saying,you kn 11 years?
Nice.
Geez.
Rhonda?
Ethan ward is here to see you.
Look,I know this sounds weird to just come out and say it, but I'm the guy that hit you,d I'm so sor and I know that doesn't mean anything, but I just wanted to saywe talked to the police.
And we're not gonna rsue any legal stuff,if that's why you're here.
No,no,it's not,but you could if you wante because it was totally my fault.
I was on the phone and I didn't see the stop sign,and.
you know,the important thing is that we're both all right.
You have a punctured lung.
Honestly,it sounds a lot wo than it really is.
I promise.
Thanks.
I should really be thanking you.
I mean,you got me out of this killer math test on wednesday.
Oh,yeah?
What,what school do you go to?
What?
You're in high school,right?
Yeah.
I go to west bever
I'm in your french class.
Oh,I'I'm really sorry.
Sorry for what?
Sorry for not knowing who I am?
Why would you?
I'm not cool.
I'm not popular.
You obviously just live in your own little bubble, where people like me don't even register.
That's not true.
When was the last time you talked to somebody who wasn't running for homecoming queen or didn't play varsity sport?
We exist,ethan.
And some of us are really interesting people.
I'm not like t
I'm feeling really tired.
You should probably go.
Mom,dad.
this is adrianna.
Louise collins.
It is so good to meet you.
Nice to meet you,mrs.Collins.
Please,call me,weezy.
Mrs.Collins is my mother-in-law,is my mother-in-law, and between you and me,she's a real pill.
Mm,I heard that.
William.
Thanks for coming by.
Well,thanks for having me.
Where's your mother,dear?
Ah,she wanted to come,but she couldn't get off work last minute.
We'll meet another time,I'm sure.
Sit.Please.
Yes,make yourself comfortable.
We're still a few minutes from dinne
So.
What does your mother do?
She's,uh.
in the restaurant business.
Tough work.
Long hours.
I used to bus tables at the club in high schohardest job I ever had.
Y-y-you were a busboy?
Why is that so hard to believe?
Oh,because neither of us has ever seen you pick up a damn thing in this house.
So.
shall we get down to it?
Sure.
How are you feeling,dear?
Oh,um.
I'm ok good,because that's the most important thing:
You have to take care of yourself.
Do you have a good doctor?
Not yet.
But I went to a clinic,and everything looks fine.
First thing,we'll have to get you a doctor.
And don't you worry.
We'll take care of the cost.
Oh,don't argue with him,dear; he's very stubborn.
We want to help you,adrianna.
You're only 16; you shouldn't have to deal with this al dinner is ready.
Oh,terrific.
Shall we?
Let's.
Tous ensemble,s'il vous plaît.
Je vais.
Je vais.
Tu vas.
Tu va.
Il va.
Il va.
Elle va.
Elle va.
Nous allons.
Nous allons.
Vous allez.
Vous allez.
Real insight into character isn't found onstage.
It's found in rehearsal.
Therefore,you will only be allowed one absence.
Oh,I'm sorry.
You guys are using this room.
I-I forg so.
I'm passing out schedules.
Please commit them to your brains and your blackberri any conflicts, say them now or forever hold your pea so when are you meeting my mom?
In an hour.
Will you call me aft.
So.
do you think I should talk to her or no?
Who?
Miss cas I-I want to ask her what I did wrong in-in the audition, but I'm afraid that if I ask her,she'll think that I tho that I should get the lead, which,which I did not thi and I don't want her to think that I though
what do you think?
I think that you're overthinking iT.
Really?
Should I send her balloons?
To miss casey?
No,no.
Rhonda.
I mean,to apologize for yesterday.
Balloons?
What's wrong with balloons?
nothing.
Um,just kind of impersonal.
Well,how am I supposed to get her something personal?
I don't know her.
Hi,adrianna.
I'm dr.Klein.
Nice to meet you.
And you must be her mother?
Uh,no.
My mom had to work,so she couldn't make
I'm a close friend.
Gotcha.
It says here,there's a history of drug abuse.
Um,yeah,but I'm clean now.
Even so,I'd like her to have an amnio,though.
What's an amnio?
Under local anesthesia,we run a thin needle into the amniotic sac and extract a little fluid.
And from that fluid,we can test the fetus for abnormalities.
Normally we don't do it for a girl your age,but.
with your history,I really think it's a good idea.
I mean,god forbid anything's wrong,we'll know.
Okay.
Great.
First things first.
You need an ultrasound.
Lift up your shi.
Okay,adrianna,there's your baby.
Those are the legs.
And the arthat's the nose.
And an ear.
It just.
it just...didn't seem real bef
I know.
********
*****
Thanks again for all the maternity classes.
You're welcome,honey.
Before you go,I wanted to give you this.
"Peaceful vista"?
It's in new mexico.
Once you to start to show,you can go there,and stay until you deliver the baby.
It's supposed to be gorgeous.
A friend of a friend's went,a friend of a friend's went,and she said it was like a spa vacation.
It looks beautiful.
Oh,and this is for your mother,dear.
It's a legal contract just laying out the terms of our financial commitment.
It says we'll pay for your stay,and after,we'll arrange for the adoption of the child.
The adoption?
Well,there are a lot of deserving people who can't have kids,and what other choice is there?
I guess I hadn't really thought about it.
Well,I guess it's time to start.
Have your mother look it over.
And if the terms are agreeable,which I'm sure they will,then that will be that.
Okay?
Ok
what are you doing here?
Well,last time I was here,you were watching but there was nothing on, sol'm loaning you my dvd player.
But then I ran into a problem when I was trying to pick up movies because I didn't know if you would like action-adventure or.
come or romance,or horror.
or,uh,romantic hor which isn't a popular genre, but apparently,it does exist,and apparently,the swedes have mastered it.
And oh,I wanted to get you snacks,because movies without snacks suck, but I didn't know if you like sweet or salty,so I got you pretzels and.
chocola I also got chocolate- covered pretzels in case you like sweet and salty together.
ethan.
What is this abo
I'M...
I'm just trying to get to know y so,what's it going touh,mission impossible or the wedding planner?
Uh,the wedding planner.
And maybe some chocolate-covered pretze want to stay and watch?
Oh,you have somewhere to be.
Just play rehearsal.
But we're.
we're allowed to blow one off,so yes,I'll stay.
As long as you're okay with the occasional "this-is-such-a-lame- chick-flick" commentary.
Yeah.
"When you meet a girl,you need to passively insult her,"
thus actively demonstrating your disintere
"which has the effect of elevating said girl's interest in you."
Are you kidding me with this?
That book worked for my cousin,avi.
He's swimming in chicks.
And he is funky-lookinG.
Uh,all right.
Mm,I'm gonna give it a do your thing,bro.
Do my thing,bro.
Hey,what's up?
Not much.
You know,you'd be really beautiful if you didn't have that bad hai get lost,dweeb!
AmazamazinG.
I wish I had it on video,so I can put it on youtube.
Shut up.
What was that all about?
Um,well,navid has a bodude,don't sell me out.
The credo?
You did not read this disgusting,insulting book.
- No.Navid,have you met christina?
- No.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
So you're trying to meet a girl?
Well,if you want to meet a girl,don't trust th you know, you should trust someone who kind of knows how a girl thinks.
Me.
Oh,you two are really clueless.
You need to come to my friend's party.
Hot band,hot girls-
- I'll hook you up.
No,mm-hmm.Hold on.Wait a minute.No,just him.
I don't need your help with no ladies.
Believe me,if dixon wants a girl, dixon gets a g and not if "dixon" talks in the third person like a t yeah,right.
Touch?
Fair enough.
Hot stone massages.
They have hot stone massages.
Have you looked at this?
No,not yet.
Ooh,they have,like,a ski resort,like,half-hour away.
I don't think you'd be doing a lot of skiing during your third trimester.
You might be right,but I would be doing a lot of seaweed mud masks,though.
Sure,you'll just have to "sign away all rights to said issue.
" There e a lot of deserving people who can't have kids.
Yeah,I know.
I saw juno,too.
Look,this has a nondisclosure agreement.
This says you can't talk about the fact that ty's the father.
I guess that's okay.
It also says that you can't talk about the
"events and circumstances leading up to and including the pregnancy and birth of said issue."
Ever.
Basically,what we're doing now-- totally illegal.
I'm sure that'justverzealous lawyer talk or somethi
I don't know,ade.
This thing reads like a friggin' gag order.
I mean,it has seriouses amagif you don't comply.
What is your problem?
Okay,this is a plan,finally.
Why do you have to be so negative?
I'm not being negative.
I don't want you to be taken advantage of.
Yeah,well,the collinses aren't like that.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna clear things up.
Hey,ty,it's ade call you're probably in a fierce game of dragon fury right now.
But if you could tear yourself away for just a minute,that would be great.
Uh,there's just some things in the contract that I find a little weird.
Um,not a big deal.
I just want to clarify them,so,um,give me a caand yeah.
Oh,say hi to your parents for me.
Okay,bye.
Don't-don't push yourself,okay?
Who are you,usain bolt?
You just had surgery.
I got to pass the old guy.
Ah,the competitor kicks in.
Okay.
No,his gown keeps opening and I'm sick of seeing his ass.
Oh,all right.
Yeah,no,you're right.
All right,let's pass him on the outside, and pretend it's like the last minutes of the game,okay?
I should tell you that sports talk is pretty much lost on me.
I've never been to a game or a match or anything sports-related.
So,uh,maybe I'm not the only living in a bubble then?
You're right,but no more.
What,all sports all the time?
All new experiences all the time.
You know how they say your life flashes before your eyes in an accident?
Well,mine did,and all is saw was a bunch of jazz band rehearsals.
Ye,all I saw was one long sportscenter reel there's so much more out there.
There's things I haven't tried,things I haven't even thought about trying.
Yeah,I always wanted to learn to play the guitar.
Then you should.
And go skydiving?
Let's sign up.
I've always wanted to go camping.
Oh,that's easy enough.
I know,I just.
I always assumed there'd be time,you know?
But I'm not going to live like that anymore.
I'm going to live like there's no time and that every day could be my last.
Carpe diem.
Exac miss casey.
I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that ethan wasn't at rehearsal today.
He must have lost track of time.
Oh,it's fine.
Everyone can miss one.
Is that all?
Yeah.
No,no,um.
it's not that I expected to get the lead in the play, because I absolutely did not,but I love acting, and I really want to get betbecause this is really what I've always wanted to do.
Well,your passion will certainly work in your favor, and an acting clwill help as welL.
You have talent,annie.
It's just that acting is craft.
You know,just like anything else,like blacksmithing.
You know,you're not born knowing how to be a blacksmith,right?
You have to study,learn your craft.
I'll make you a list of some good acting classes,o have a good night.
Thank you.
Weezy,hi.
Adrianna,hello.
What are you.
doing here?
Well,ty said you called with some concerns.
So I thought it was time to sit down with your mother.
I was going to leave her a note with my number, but I saw her car,and i thought perhaps she was home.
Oh,you know,it's just.
it's not really a great time right n you must be consta
Sorry to just drop in on you out of the blue, but I thought we should talk about the situation the kids are in.
Especially since it is rather pressing,don'you agree?
Certainly seems that way.
it is pressing.
Because,uh.
well.
Because the baby is due in five months.
Naturally,I was a little surprised when adrianna said she had some concerns about the contra remind me about your specific conce um, well,the collinses have been so nice.
They've offered to pay for the entire stay at peaceful vi and the place looks great.
And from what i hear,new mexico.
seems nice.
It's just not being able to talk about what happe that part of the contract seems kind of severe.
Adrianna,you and ty have your whole lives in front of this is not something we want to follow you around.
I mean,do you really want everyone to know what you've do well,no.
But I'm not exactly sure what "done" is going to be yet.
I mean,I'll probably give it up for adoption probably?
You're a 16-year-old girl.
What other choice is there?
Let's look at the facts.
You had a drug problem.
You got yourself pregnant.
Then you put us all into a position where it was too late to terminate.
Do you really think you're responsible enough to be a mother?
That's not fyes,
I did those things,but that's because I was using,not because of who i aM.
I'm actually really responsible.
Adrianna,stop talking.
My daughter is someone who has been bringing home a paych since she was five years old.
Someone who didn't know how to ride a bicycle, but when the role demanded that she ride she learned in an hour.
And yes,she had a drug problem,but she also kicked that drug problem, and cleaned herself up,and stayed in school and got the lead in the play.
So let's just be clear.
She is very responsible.
And listen to me: 
This is not your choice.
It's hers.
Please,spare me the supportive mother act.
You didn't even know she was pregnant five minus ago.
Adrianna,sweetheart,don't be foolish.
Don't you want your child to have a better life than you hav that's it.We're done.
Pardon me?
Take your notes and your contracts and your superior attitude and take a hike.
Wow,that was.
I just need some time to thi
- What can I get - um,a turkey burger.
Hey,is dixon working today?
No.
Is that for here or toto go.
Mom,I'm so sono,I'm sorry.
That woman was right about one thing.
I've been a pretty crap no,you haven'T.
I mean.
you have sometimes,buyou've done good stuff.
You ught me a sled.
Remember?
And you said there wasn't going to be any snow.
So I begged and begged for it,and for christmas,you got me a sl yeah,well.I could have taken you to where there was some sn sledding in grass was
it's just sometimes it's like you don't see me as a daugmore like a cash machi you got to understand it's been ha raising you alone not how I wanted to do it.
And when you started acting--
I mean,you liked it,and things just got so much easier once you booked jobs.
Doesn't matter.
Just trust me,I understand why you didn't want to tell me.
I wanted to tell you.
I just.I thought you'd kick me out.
Yeah,well,you are not going anywhe'cause you and me.
- We're in this together- really?
And at first,you know,I was all insulted.
I mean,blacksmithing?
But-but then i got over myself and I looked at the classes she suggested and they're actually taught by all these incredible teachers.
So anyway,I filled out the application last night,an
- annie,there's more to life than theat- yeah,I know that.
But I love it.
Yeah,but I mean maybe you'd love other things,too.
I don't want to love other thin ethan,where is this coming from?
I've been talking just with rh about how short life is, and how there are so many options out there.
Knyou ow,things we never even consider doing because we pigeonhole ourselves at such a young age to.
yeah,well,I like my pigeonhole.
All right,that'S.
that's fine.
Then I won't talk to you about it.
- No,you can talk to - it's just the accident.
it changed things.
I mean I feel like it woke me up or something.
Like it jolted me out of my bubble.
Um,bubble?
The bubble that I'm still in.
Come on,annie.
I'm just saying.
I feel differe but good different,though.
Okay.
Well,I'm glad that you feel good differeanD.
But anyway,um,I got to get to play practice.
So I'll see you at 6:30 for the eunuch scene?
Yeah.
Yo,how'd your friend get carolina liar to play?
Her sister dates eric the bass play so,you two see any ladies you're interested
I'm looking.I'm looking.Don't rush mE.
She looks pretty.
And not pregnant.
Preg.
pregnant?
No,nono.
I meant she has a good body.
Uh,do you know her?
Oh,nika raygashe's cool.
Talk to her.
And be yourself.
Trust me.
I can't do that.
That's why i have the book.
Dude,look.
You can do this.
All right?
Hey,if I can do this,I need a wingman.
Iffine.I'm going,then you gotta go,too.
Come on.
Hey,nika.
Hi.
I'd like you to meet navid and dixon.
They're friends of mine.
Okay.
What's up?
I'm really uncool.
Excuse me?
I-I've been racking my brain back there to think of something cool to say, but,uh,christina right here told me to be myself,so the truth is I'm just really uncool.
So,I'm not the kind of guy who's gonna say some sarcastic,ironic comme right?
And i don't even know the best restaurants,right,buddy?
Yeah.
And I might even drop an occasional world of warcraft reference before I remember that, not,you know,everybody plays massively multi-player online role-playing gaso,
I just want you to know what you're getting yourself into.
So,that way,if you do decide you want to talk to --me well,us.
me.
U ca,yon adjust your expectations according as long as I get to be a seventh level mage,I'm
- marry me.
- Okay.
Come in.
Door's open!
Oh,hey,silver.
I thought you were the dishwasher repairman.
Yeah,not so much.
- Um,is annie h - no,she's not.
Okay.
I think she went to some party at a cheerleader's hou oh,no,you know what?
That w dixokay.
Gotcha.
Thanbye,honey.
Okay,last time: 
Catch the clap!
really,danny?
After five rounds,it's still funoh.
Uh,sor.
sorry.
Okay,okay.
Let's just dive into the next scene.
Where's my.
where's my eunuch?
Ethan ward?
Has anyo seenethan wa all right,here we go.
Okay,just give me onsecond hput that up there.
All ri easy.
Here,here.
I'm sorry I'm so pathetic.
No,no,no.
You're a trooper.
Just get some rest and.
I will be here fors long as it takes for you to get better.
Okay.
Bye,ethan.
So,what gives?
I thought you were the pro at picking up gi oh,um,I am.
I am and I will.
When the mood strikes.
Not over silver,h
I mean I want to be.
That girl,man,she'S.
- all kinds of troub- well,don't rush it.
I knew you weren't a lesbian.
Excuse me?
Silver,wha.
She was just pretending,so you could cozy up to him.
Dixon,get your girl.
No,no,no.
'Cause I'm not his girl.
Because he dumped me.
Out of the blue.
Why would you do that?
I mean,what kind of "love" just stops like that?
And doesn't call or-or-or even care?
I mean,you go to parties like it never even happe um,silver.
um,I should.Go.
Just go.
Hey,silver!
Silver,what was that?
I don't know.
NothI don't know.
I just.
- it's too m - what is?
Seeing you here,with a girl.
she's just a friend.
Yeah,okay,maybe she is.
But someday,someone's not going to be,and I'm gonna have to watch you and I can't handle it!
And then what?
This being in love stuff-- it's making me cra
so.you love me?
- I didn't say t - yes,you did.
You said this beg in love stuff is making you crergo,you love
fiergo,I well,I ergo you,
so I'm so
I just don't get why you're doing t are you tryi to ruin my life,ade?
Yeah,I'm trying to ruin your life.
Okay,look.
Assuming it's mine.
assuming?
Oh,come on.
Obviously,we're testing for paternity.
That's why we insisted on an amnio.
My parents want to make sure they're paying for my problem.
Well,it's definitely your "problem."
What happened to this all,like,"we're in it together" stuff?
It's hard when you're fighting us.
My parents are trying to help make it go away.
No,this is what you're n getting.
It's a way for me to go away,not for "it" to go a if I go to new mexico,
I'm still going to be pregnant with "it."
I'm just going to be pregnant with "it" in new mexico.
I'm going to give birth to "it" in new mex"it'll" always be a part of but the ntract doesn't allow for that,like I'm not.
going to even be able to talk about "iT."
What's there to talk about?
It's humiliating.
Yeah,it iS.
But it's also happening.
I have to deal with the situati and luckily,
I'm getting pretty good at dealing with humiliatjust ask your.
Sorry to interrupt.
Um,I was hoping I could get your help with somethina so,look,I don't really want to spend any more doing things that I'm not into.
And this whole play thing,I don't know.
- It's just.it's just not me.
- Okay.
Uh,but it wasn't about the play,right?
It was about us spending time together.
And we wilL.
Just not on a strict miss casey schulE.
Hey,everyone.
It's adrianna tate-duncan,and I have something to announce because you will all know soon enoand I really can't deal with all the behind-the-back whispering.
So this way,you can all be shocked at once and hopefully, you'll be able to deal with li d I'moi
so,anyway.
I'm pregnant.
And yes,it happened during my drug period,whicyou all clearly know about.
So that's about it,folks.
Oh,and as for the father there isn't one.
It was an immaculate conception.
Okay.I'm do
Yeah.I know.
Thank yoU.

"Previously on" 90210:
I'm pregnant.
I just need some time to think, all right?
The doctor is gonna wanna know who the father is.
- Guess who.
- Ty.
Some things you say have the power to hurt people, you know?
- Yeah, I think I do.
- So I'm gonna break up with you.
- You should audition too.
- No.
Come on. 
Otherwise, we'll never get to see each other.
I'm really not up
- for the cast-and-crew dinner.
- The point of me doing this play
- was so we could hang out together.
- You go ahead.
- I changed my mind.
- All right, be there in two.
Ethan? 
Ethan?
Didn't we already go down this hallway?
- We've already been down this one.
- Slow down.
- Mom, I can't. 
What if he's not okay?
- We are looking for Ethan Ward.
He would've been admitted about an hour ago.
Ethan. 
Oh, my God. 
You're okay.
- Are you okay? 
You look okay.
- Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm so, so glad. 
Are you in pain?
- Just when you squeeze that tight.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Had us worried, buddy.
- L... 
Yeah, I'm sorry.
- No, it's okay.
- We're just happy you're all right.
- I am, just bruised and shaken.
But the woman in the other car, Rhonda Kimble I guess is her name, she's in surgery, and if she doesn't make it...
No. 
Stop.
I'm sure she's gonna be okay too.
Do you mind if we just wait here until she's out of surgery?
- Yeah.
- That's fine, yeah.
Of course. 
It's gonna be okay.
You have to tell Ty.
- He's responsible too, Ade.
- I'm just waiting for the right moment.
Yeah, well, the right moment was about two hours ago.
And two lamb shawarmas ago.
- Stop eating that crap.
- I'm eating for two.
I am aware of that. 
Tell him.
- Is the best.
- Hey, Ty.
- There's my leading lady.
Hi.
- Do you have a sec?
- For my queen? 
Come on.
So, what's going on?
There's no easy way to say this.
I'm pregnant.
And it's your baby.
- What?
- Yeah.
I thought you were, you know, on the pill.
Well, yeah.
Sometimes I took those pills, sometimes I took other pills.
You'll just get it taken care of.
It's too late for that.
- Medically.
- Great.
Anyway, I thought you'd like to know.
This can't be happening.
I can't believe I didn't see that stop sign.
Hey, it happens.
That's why they call them accidents.
No. 
I wasn't paying attention, and I was on the phone.
With me. 
I shouldn't have called.
Okay, stop it, you two.
This isn't helping anybody.
I'm looking for the family of Rhonda Kimble.
- That's us.
- That's us.
Your daughter has a collapsed lung, but she'll make a full recovery.
- She's stable as of now.
- Thank you, doctor.
Looks like she's gonna be okay.
- You ready to head home?
- You guys go. 
My mom's on her way.
- So I'll just wait for her here.
- Oh, well, we'll wait with you, then.
Actually, I wouldn't mind having a few minutes alone.
I have to apologize to Rhonda.
I gotta figure out what to say.
- Okay.
- Okay. 
We'll see you later.
Well, call me after you talk to her, okay?
Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry. 
Sorry. 
Gentle.
Do you have the number?
I'm calling it right now.
Hey.
- Is he okay?
- Yeah.
Spooked, but fine.
Well, thank God.
Guess there's something in the air tonight or something.
What do you mean?
Just really hasn't been a good night.
You wanna tell us what it is, or should we play charades?
All right. 
Me and Silver broke up.
- What?
- Why?
- I don't wanna talk about it.
- Oh, honey.
- I'm sorry.
- It's cool.
You know, I'm really not into that whole unrequited-love thing.
You know, so I had to get out before one of us got hurt.
Or more hurt.
But anyhow,
I don't wanna talk about it. 
That's it.
- I'm glad Ethan's okay.
- Yeah.
- And I'll see you guys tomorrow.
- All right, buddy.
- Good night.
- Night.
Good night.
It's a proven fact that male brains mature slower than female brains.
Trust me, Ty's like 11 in girl years.
Well, I don't know what I expected him to say.
Are you gonna finish that?
Ade, you gotta tell your mom.
Listen, if Perez Hilton has taught us anything, it's that you can't hide
- a baby bump forever.
- I'm not gonna hide it forever.
Just until I figure out what I'm gonna do.
- Well, maybe she could help you.
- My mom? 
Yeah, right.
She could surprise you.
She'll surprise me if she doesn't kick me out.
I'm practically her personal ATM.
And something tells me
I'm not gonna be booking a lot of parts once I start to show.
That's totally gonna suck.
I don't know what's gonna be worse, like, my mom finding out,
- or everyone at school.
- Oh, well, everyone at school.
I mean, it'll be a constant barrage of whispers and rumors and...
- This is not helping. 
I'm sorry.
- No, it's true.
It's gonna be totally humiliating.
Like, I just got finished being rehab girl, now I have to be pregnant girl.
I'm just so sick of reading about how screwed up I am on the bathroom walls.
You know?
Adrianna.
Mom, hi.
I've spent all day picking up after people at the restaurant.
I hope you don't expect me to clean up this mess.
- No, I'll clean it.
- Hello, Constance.
Hi, Naomi.
- Don't you have a curfew?
- I'm staying at the hotel, so, no.
So did you hear about the toothpaste commercial?
Yeah, I did.
I didn't get it.
But I got the lead in the school play.
Damn.
That was a national spot.
- Well, I know. 
I tried.
- Yeah. 
I can see all the effort.
Laying around eating mac and cheese?
There's a recipe for success.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Thanks for coming.
I just wanted to apologize for my reaction last night.
I was in shock, and from what I remember,
I didn't handle it very well.
- It's okay. 
I kind of blindsided you.
- No, Ade, it's not okay.
I should be more sensitive to what you're going through and how you're feeling.
How are you feeling?
Emotional.
Hungry all the time.
Well, look, I talked to my parents last night, and...
You did?
Well, sure. 
I mean, can't get through this by ourselves, right?
Right.
What did they say?
Well, they were shocked and mad.
But after two very dry martinis, they calmed down a bit and decided they'd help us figure it out.
What did your mom say?
Pretty much the same thing. 
Yeah.
My parents wanna have you guys over for dinner.
Me and my mom?
Yeah, I don't know if that's really a good idea.
Well, they're very insistent.
They want me to take responsibility, and so do I.
We're in this together, Ade.
All right.
Now, if I order some chili cheese fries, would you share them?
- Yeah.
- All right.
I'm starved.
You know what we gotta do to get over Silver and Adrianna?
I know exactly what to do.
Find a rogue scientist who's willing to experiment with the "Eternal Sunshine" thing?
No. 
The only way to get over a girl is to get a new girl.
Hell to the yes.
Oh, man, who am I kidding?
I'm never gonna get another girl.
- Dude, what is wrong with you?
- I'm bad at the whole dating thing.
No. 
No, you're not.
It took me 11 years to get up the nerve to ask out Adrianna.
Yeah, that is a little pathetic.
You know, maybe the whole mind-erasing thing isn't such a bad idea.
Just... 
I'm just saying, you know?
- Eleven years?
- Nice.
Jeez.
Rhonda?
Ethan Ward is here to see you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Look, I know this sounds weird to just come out and say it, but I'm the guy that hit you, and I'm so sorry.
And I know that doesn't mean anything, but I just wanted to say it.
We talked to the police, and we're not gonna pursue any legal stuff, if that's why you're here.
No. 
No, it's not.
But you could if you wanted to, because it was totally my fault.
I was on the phone, and I didn't see the stop sign, and...
You know, the important thing is that we're both all right.
You have a punctured lung.
Honestly, it sounds a lot worse than it really is.
- I promise.
- Thanks.
I should really be thanking you.
I mean, you got me out of this killer math test on Wednesday.
Oh, yeah?
What school do you go to?
- What?
- You're in high school, right?
Yeah.
I go to West Beverly.
I'm in your French class.
Oh, I'm...
- I'm really sorry.
- Sorry for what?
Sorry for not knowing who I am?
Why would you?
I'm not cool. 
I'm not popular.
You obviously just live in your own little bubble where people like me don't even register.
That's not true.
When was the last time you talked to somebody who wasn't running for homecoming queen or didn't play a varsity sport?
We exist, Ethan. 
And some of us are really interesting people.
I'm not like that.
I'm feeling really tired.
You should probably go.
Mom, Dad, this is Adrianna.
Louise Collins.
It is so good to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, Mrs. Collins.
- Please, call me Weezy.
Mrs. Collins is my mother-in-law, and between you and me, she's a real pill.
I heard that.
William. 
Thanks for coming by.
- Oh, thanks for having me.
- Where's your mother, dear?
She wanted to come, but she couldn't get off work last-minute.
We'll meet her another time, I'm sure.
- Sit, please.
- Yes. 
Make yourself comfortable.
We're still a few minutes from dinner.
So, what does your mother do?
- She's in the restaurant business.
- Tough work. 
Long hours.
I used to bus tables at the club in high school.
- Hardest job I ever had.
- You were a busboy?
- Why is that so hard to believe?
- Oh, because neither of us has ever seen you pick up a damn thing in this house.
So should we get down to it?
- Sure.
- How are you feeling, dear?
- I'm okay.
- Good. 
That's the important thing.
You have to take care of yourself.
Do you have a good doctor?
Not yet, but I went to a clinic, and everything looks fine.
First thing, we'll have to get you a doctor.
And don't you worry, we'll take care of the costs.
Oh, don't argue with him, dear.
He's very stubborn.
We wanna help you, Adrianna.
You're only 16. 
You shouldn't have to deal with this alone.
Dinner is ready.
- Oh, terrific. 
Shall we?
- Let's.
Real insight into character isn't found on-stage.
It's found in rehearsal.
Therefore, you will only be allowed one absence. 
One.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You guys are using this room.
I forgot.
Sorry.
I'm passing out schedules.
Please commit them to your brains and your BlackBerrys.
Any conflicts, say them now, or forever hold your peace.
So when are you meeting my mom?
In an hour.
Will you call me after?
So do you think I should talk to her, or no?
- Who?
- Miss Casey.
I wanna ask her what I did wrong in the audition.
But I'm afraid that if I ask her, she'll think that I thought that I should get the lead, which I did not think, and I don't want her to think that I thought.
- What do you think?
- I think that you're over-thinking it.
Really?
- Should I send her balloons?
- Miss Casey?
No. 
No, Rhonda.
I mean, to apologize for yesterday.
- Balloons?
- What's wrong with balloons?
Nothing. 
Just kind of impersonal.
Well, how am I supposed to get her something personal? 
I don't know her.
Hi, Adrianna. 
I'm Dr. Klein.
- Hi. 
Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
And you must be her mother?
No. 
My mom had to work, so she couldn't make it.
- I'm a close friend.
- Gotcha.
So it says here there's a history of drug abuse.
Yeah, but I'm clean now.
Even so, I'd like her to have an amnio.
What's an amnio?
Under local anesthesia, we run a thin needle into the amniotic sac and extract a little fluid.
And from that fluid, we can test the fetus for abnormalities.
Normally, we don't do it for a girl your age...
With your history, I really think it's a good idea.
I mean, God forbid anything's wrong, we'll know.
- Okay.
- Great.
First things first, you need an ultrasound.
- Okay.
- Lift up your shirt.
I'm sorry.
Okay, Adrianna, there's your baby.
Those are the legs, and the arms.
That's a nose, and an ear.
It just didn't seem real before.
I know.
I know.
- Thanks for all your help, Ty.
- My pleasure.
Thanks again for all the maternity clothes.
You're welcome, honey. 
Before you go, I wanted to give you this.
- Peaceful Vista?
- It's in New Mexico.
Once you start to show, you can go there and stay until you deliver the baby.
It's supposed to be gorgeous.
A friend of a friend's went, and she said it was like a spa vacation.
- It looks beautiful.
- Oh, and this is for your mother, dear.
It's a legal contract just laying out the terms of our financial commitment.
It says we'll pay for your stay and after, we'll arrange for the adoption of the child.
The adoption?
Well, there are a lot of deserving people who can't have kids, and what other choice is there?
I guess I hadn't really thought about it.
Well, I guess it's time to start.
Have your mother look it over.
And if the terms look agreeable, which I'm sure they will, then that will be that. 
Okay?
Okay.
What are you doing here?
Well, last time I was here, you were watching TV, but there was nothing on.
So I'm loaning you my DVD player.
But then I ran into a problem when I was trying to pick out movies because I didn't know if you would like action/adventure or comedy or romance or horror or romantic horror, which isn't a popular genre, but apparently it does exist,
and apparently the Swedes have mastered it.
And I wanted to get you snacks because movies without snacks suck.
But I didn't know if you like sweet or salty, so I got you pretzels and chocolate.
I also got chocolate-covered pretzels in case you like sweet and salty together.
Ethan.
What is this about?
I'm...
I'm just trying to get to know you.
So, what's it gonna be?
Mission: 
Lmpossible or "The Wedding Planner?"
"The Wedding Planner" and maybe some chocolate-covered pretzels.
- All right.
- Wanna stay and watch?
Oh, you have somewhere to be.
Just play rehearsal, but we're allowed to blow one off, so, yes, I'll stay.
As long as you're okay with the occasional
"this is such a lame chick flick" commentary.
Yeah.
"When you meet a girl, you need to passively insult her, thus actively demonstrating your disinterest, which has the effect of elevating said girl's interest in you. "
- Are you kidding?
- It worked for my cousin.
He's swimming in chicks, and he is funky-looking.
All right.
- I'm gonna give it a try.
- Do your thing, bro.
I'm gonna do my thing, bro.
Hey, what's up?
- Not much.
- You know, you'd be really beautiful if you didn't have that bad hairdo.
Get lost, creep.
Amazing. 
Amazing.
I wish I had it on video so I could put on YouTube.
- Dude, shut up.
- What was that all about?
- Well, Navid has a book.
- Dude, don't sell me out.
"The Credo?" You do not read this disgusting, insulting book.
- No.
- Navid, have you met Christina?
- No. 
Hey.
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
So you're trying to meet a girl?
Well, if you wanna meet a girl, don't trust that.
You know, you should trust someone who kind of knows how a girl thinks.
Me.
Oh, you two are really clueless.
You need to come to my friend's party.
- Hot band, hot girls. 
I'll hook you up.
- No. 
Hold on. 
Wait a minute. 
No.
Just him.
I don't need your help with no ladies.
Dude, believe me, if Dixon wants a girl, Dixon gets a girl.
Not if Dixon talks in the third person like a tool.
Yeah, right?
Touché. 
Fair enough.
Hot-stone massages.
They have hot-stone massages.
- Have you looked at this?
- No, not yet.
They have, like, a ski resort like a half-hour away.
I don't think you'll be skiing during your third trimester.
You might be right.
But I'll be doing a lot of seaweed mud masks, though.
Sure, you just have to sign away all rights to said issue.
There are a lot of deserving people who can't have kids.
Yeah, I know. 
I saw "Juno" too.
Look, this has a nondisclosure agreement that says you can't talk about the fact that Ty's the father.
I guess that's okay.
It also says that you can't talk about the events and circumstances leading up to and including the pregnancy and birth of said issue, ever.
Basically, what we're doing right now, totally illegal.
I'm sure that's just over-zealous lawyer talk or something.
Yeah, I don't know, Ade.
This thing reads like a frigging gag order.
I mean, it has serious damages if you don't comply.
What is your problem? 
Okay?
This is a plan, finally.
- Why do you have to be so negative?
- I'm not being negative.
I don't want you to be taken advantage of.
The Collins aren't like that.
- What are you doing?
- I'm gonna clear things up.
Hey, Ty. 
It's Ade calling.
You're probably in a fierce game of "Dragon Fury" right now, but if you could tear yourself away for just a minute, that would be great.
There's just some things in the contract that I find a little weird.
It's not a big deal.
I just wanna clarify them.
So give me a call and, yeah.
Oh, say hi to your parents for me.
Okay, bye.
Happy?
Don't push yourself, okay?
Who are you, Usain Bolt?
You just had surgery.
Gotta pass the old guy.
Oh, the competitor kicks in. 
Okay.
No, his gown keeps opening, and I'm sick of seeing his ass.
Oh, all right, yeah. 
No, you're right.
All right, let's pass him on the outside and pretend it's like the last minutes of a game, okay?
I should tell you that sports talk is pretty much lost on me.
I've never been to a game or a match or anything sports-related.
So maybe I'm not the only one living in a bubble, then?
- You're right, but no more.
- What? 
All sports all the time?
All new experiences all the time.
You know how they say your life flashes before your eyes in an accident?
Well, mine did, and all I saw was a bunch of jazz-band rehearsals.
Yeah, all I saw was one long SportsCenter reel.
There's so much more out there.
There's things I haven't tried, things I haven't even thought about trying.
Yeah, I always wanted to learn to play the guitar.
- Then you should.
- And go skydiving?
Let's sign up.
I've always wanted to go camping.
- Oh, that's easy enough.
- I know. 
I just...
I always assumed there'd be time, you know?
But I'm not gonna live like that anymore.
I'm gonna live like there's no time and that ever day could be my last.
- Carpe diem.
- Exactly.
Miss Casey?
Hi. 
I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that Ethan wasn't at rehearsal today.
He must've lost track of time.
Oh, it's fine.
Everyone can miss one.
- Is that all?
- Yeah.
No. 
No. 
It's not that I expected to get the lead in the play, because I absolutely did not, but I love acting, and I really wanna get better because this is really what I've always wanted to do.
Well, your passion will certainly work in your favor.
And an acting class will help as well.
You have talent, Annie.
It's just that acting is a craft.
You know, just like anything else.
Like blacksmithing.
You know, you're not born knowing how to be a blacksmith, right?
You have to study, learn your craft.
I'll make you a list of some good acting classes, okay?
Have a good night.
Thank you.
- Weezy, hi.
- Adrianna, hello.
What are you doing here?
Ty said you called with some concerns.
So I thought it was time I sit down with your mother.
I was gonna leave a note with my number, but I saw a car, and I thought perhaps she was home.
Well, you know, it's just, it's not really a great time right now.
You must be Constance.
Sorry to just drop in on you out of the blue, but I thought we should talk about the situation the kids are in, especially since it is rather pressing.
Don't you agree?
Certainly seems that way.
Yes, it is pressing because, well, the...
Because the baby is due in five months.
Naturally, I was a little surprised when Adrianna said she had some concerns about the contract.
Remind me about your specific concerns.
Well, the Collins have been so nice, and they've offered to pay for the entire stay at Peaceful Vista.
And the place looks great, and from what I hear,
New Mexico seems nice.
It's just, not being able to talk about what happened, that part of the contract seems kind of severe.
Adrianna, you and Ty have your whole lives in front of you.
This is not something we want to follow you around.
I mean, do you really want everyone to know what you've done?
Well, no.
But I'm not exactly sure what "done" is going to be yet.
I mean, I'll probably give it up for adoption.
Probably?
You're a 16-year-old girl.
What other choice is there?
Let's look at the facts.
You had a drug problem.
You got yourself pregnant.
Then you put us all into a position where it was too late to terminate.
Do you really think you're responsible enough to be a mother?
That's not fair.
Yes, I did those things, but that's because I was using, not because of who I am.
- I'm actually really responsible.
- Adrianna, stop talking.
My daughter is someone who has been bringing home a paycheck since she was 5 years old.
Someone who didn't know how to ride a bicycle, but when a role demanded that she ride one, she learned in an hour.
And, yes, she had a drug problem, but she also kicked that drug problem and cleaned herself up and stayed in school and got the lead in the play.
So let's just be clear, she is very responsible.
And listen to me, this is not your choice.
- It's hers.
- Please, spare me the supportive-mother act.
You didn't know she was pregnant.
Adrianna, sweetheart, don't be foolish.
Don't you want your child to have a better life than you have?
That's it. 
We're done.
- Pardon me?
- Take your notes and your contracts and your superior attitude, and take a hike.
- Wow, that was...
- I just need some time to think.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What can I get you?
- A turkey burger.
- Hey, is Dixon working today?
- Nope.
- Is that for here or to go?
- To go. 
Thanks.
- Mom, I'm so sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
That woman was right about one thing.
- I've been a pretty crap mom.
- No, you haven't.
I mean, you have sometimes, but you've done good stuff.
You bought me a sled.
Remember? 
Then you said there wasn't gonna be any snow.
So I begged and begged for it, and for Christmas, you got me a sled.
Yeah, well,
I could've taken you to where there was some snow.
Sledding in grass was fine.
It's just, sometimes it's like you don't see me as a daughter.
More like a cash machine.
Well, you gotta understand, it's been hard raising you alone.
It's not how I wanted to do it.
And when you started acting, you liked it.
And things just got so much easier once you booked jobs.
Doesn't matter.
Just trust me, I understand why you didn't wanna tell me.
I wanted to tell you.
I just... 
I thought you'd kick me out.
Yeah, well, you are not going anywhere.
Because you and me, we're in this together.
Really?
And first, you know, I was all insulted.
I mean, blacksmithery? 
Come on.
But then I got over myself, and I looked at the classes she suggested, and they're actually taught by all these incredible teachers.
So, anyway, I filled out the applications last night and...
Annie, there's more to life than theater.
Yeah, I know that. 
But I love it.
Yeah, but, I mean, maybe you'd love other things too.
I don't wanna love other things.
Ethan, where's this coming from?
I've been talking just with Rhonda about how short life is and how there are so many options out there, things we never even considered doing because we pigeonhole ourselves
- at such a young age to...
- Yeah, well, I like my pigeonhole.
Okay. 
That's fine.
Then I won't talk to you about it.
No, you can talk to me.
It's just, the accident, it changed things.
I feel like it woke me up or something.
Like it jolted me out of my bubble.
Bubble? 
The bubble that I'm still in?
Come on, Annie.
I'm just saying, I feel different.
But good different, though.
Okay. 
Well, I'm glad that you feel good different.
And... 
But, anyway, I gotta get to play practice.
So I'll see you at 6:30 for the eunuch scene?
Yeah.
So show me what I'm looking for
Save me
I'm lost
Oh, Lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh, Lord
Yo, how'd your friend get Carolina Liar to play?
Her sister dates Erik, the bass player.
So you two see any ladies you're interested in?
I'm looking. 
I'm looking.
Don't rush me.
She looks pretty, and not pregnant.
- Pregnant?
- Well, no.
I meant, she has a good body.
Do you know her?
Oh, Nika Raygani? 
She's cool.
Talk to her. 
And be yourself.
Trust me, I can't do that.
That's why I had the book.
Dude, look, you can do this.
All right?
Okay, if I can do this, I need a wingman.
Fine. 
If I'm going, then you gotta go too.
- Come on.
- Come on.
- Hey, Nika.
- Hi.
I'd like you to meet Navid and Dixon.
- They're friends of mine.
- Hi.
- Hi. 
Your turn.
- Hi.
- Okay. 
Hi.
- Hi. 
What's up?
- I'm really uncool.
- Excuse me?
No, I've been racking my brain back there to think of something cool to say, but Christina right here told me to be myself.
So the truth is, I'm just really uncool.
So I'm not the kind of guy who's gonna say some sarcastic, ironic comment, all right?
And I don't even know the best restaurants.
- Right, buddy?
- Yeah. 
Yeah.
And I might even drop an occasional "World of Warcraft" reference, you know, before I remember that not, you know, everybody plays massively multiplayer online role-playing games.
So, yeah, I just want you to know what you're getting yourself into, so that way, if you do decide you wanna talk to me... 
Well, us.
Me.
- You can adjust your expectations accordingly.
As long as I get to be a seventh-level mage, I'm in.
Marry me?
Okay.
Come in. 
Door's open.
Oh, hey, Silver.
I thought you were the dishwasher repairman.
Yeah, not so much.
- Is Annie here?
- No, she's not.
Okay.
You know, I think she went to some party at a cheerleader's house.
Oh, no. 
You know what?
That was Dixon.
- Okay. 
Gotcha. 
Thanks.
- Bye, honey.
Okay, last time, catch the clap.
Really, Danny?
After five rounds, it's still funny?
Sorry.
Okay, okay.
Let's just dive into the next scene.
Where's my eunuch?
Ethan Ward?
Has anyone seen Ethan Ward?
All right.
Okay.
Just give me one second here.
Put that up there. 
All right.
Easy. 
Here. 
Here.
- I'm sorry I'm so pathetic.
- No. 
No, no, you're a trouper.
Get some rest. 
I will be here for as long as it takes for you to get better.
Okay.
Bye, Ethan.
Any available radiologist...
Any available radiologist...
- and in. 
Nice move.
Forty-five remaining...
What a waste of time The thought crossed my mind
But I never missed a beat
Can't explain the who Or what I was
Trying to believe
What would you do?
So, what gives? 
I thought you were the "pro" at picking up girls.
I am. 
I am.
And I will when the mood strikes.
Not over Silver, huh?
I mean, I wanna be.
That girl, man, she's all kinds of trouble.
Well, don't rush it.
- I knew you weren't a lesbian.
- Excuse me?
- Silver...?
- No, no, no.
She was just pretending so you could cozy up to him.
- Dixon, get your girl.
- No, no, no, because I'm not his girl.
Because he dumped me out of the blue.
Why would you do that?
I mean, what kind of love just stops like that?
Doesn't call or even care?
I mean, you go to parties like it never even happened.
- Silver.
- No.
- Hey.
- Come on.
What...?
- I should...
- Go. 
Just go.
- Hey, Silver. 
Silver, what was that?
- I don't know.
Nothing. 
I don't know.
It's just...
It's too much.
- What is?
- Seeing you here with a girl.
She's just a friend.
Yeah, okay, maybe she is, but someday, someone's not gonna be, and I'm gonna have to watch you, and I can't handle it.
And then what?
This being-in-love stuff is making me crazy.
So you love me?
- I didn't say that.
- Yes. 
Yes, you did.
You said, this being-in-love stuff is making you crazy.
Ergo, you love me.
Fine.
Ergo, I do.
Well, I ergo you too.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I just don't get why you're doing this.
Are you trying to ruin my life, Ade?
- Yeah, I'm trying to ruin your life.
- Okay, look, assuming it's mine...
- Assuming?
- Oh, come on.
Obviously we're testing for paternity.
That's why we insisted on an amnio.
My parents wanna make sure they're paying for my problem.
Well, it's definitely your problem.
What happened to this all, like, "we're in it together" stuff?
It's hard when you're fighting us.
My parents are trying to help make it go away.
No. 
This is what you're not getting.
It's a way for me to go away, not for it to go away.
If I go to New Mexico, I'm still gonna be pregnant with it.
I'm just gonna be pregnant with it in New Mexico.
I'm gonna give birth to it in New Mexico.
It'll always be a part of me.
But that contract doesn't allow for that.
Like, I'm not gonna even be able to talk about it.
What's there to talk about?
It's humiliating.
Yeah, it is.
But it's also happening.
I have to deal with this situation.
And luckily,
I'm getting pretty good at dealing with humiliation.
Just ask your mom.
All right, I'm gonna teach you how to walk. 
Look.
Hey.
Sorry to interrupt.
I was hoping I could get your help with something, Navid.
So, look, I don't really wanna spend any more time doing things that I'm not into.
And this whole play thing, it's just not me.
Okay. 
But it wasn't about the play, right?
It was about us spending time together.
And we will, just not on a strict Miss Casey schedule.
Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Hey, everyone.
It's Adrianna Tate-Duncan.
And I have something to announce.
Because you will all know soon enough, and I really can't deal with all the behind-the-back whispering.
So this way, you can all be shocked at once, and hopefully, you'll be able to deal with it, like I'm doing.
So, anyway,
I'm pregnant.
And, yes, it was during my drug period, which you all clearly know about.
So that's about it, folks.
Oh, and as for the father, there isn't one.
It was an immaculate conception.
Okay. 
Okay, I'm done.
Yeah, I know.
Thank you.

Well,one of The funner things
That we do that we do Here in pawnee
Is the anni Easter egg hunt.
Tom hides the eggs, And,i have to say,
He did an exceptional Job this year.
I've been searching For 25 minutes,
And i haven't found A single egg.
And i'm an adult.
O,yeah,I forgot to do that.
Maybe tom's trying To make this year a challenge.
And if so,He's-- he's succeeding.
I don't think a single egg Has been found yet.
Let's keep looking.
We're gonna find one.
Parks and Recreation S01 E02
I'm going To see my mom.
She's a big mucky-muck In the county school system.
She's my hero.
How do i explain her?
She's as respected As mother teresa,
She's as powerful As stalin,
And she's as beautiful As margaret thatcher.
In or out,leslie. 
Doorway is creepy.
Right,sorry. 
Choosing in.
So,what do you want,Leslie?
Just here to gossip,Gab,chat. 
Stuff we do.
But it looks Like you're super-busy.
And i am super-busy,
So i shall bid you adi.
Oh,that's weird.
I just rembered something.
I have My own subcommittee now.
Yeah. 
I'm sure you've heard Something about it.
People are talking About it.
No. 
Oh,well.
Anyway,we're having A town hall meeting
Tomoow at 7:00 p.m.
At the smithfield Community center.
Yeah,i'm leading it.
It's no biggy.
I mean,it is. 
It's a big deal,i mean...
I don't know,I mean,you know...
Wanna come?
Oh,honey,jeez,You know how busi am.
I know. 
I know. 
I know.
That's why i fake-invited you.
I'll try to be there.
Okay,so everybody's here.
Let's get started.
Sorry. 
Oh,i'm sorry.
Metal. 
Sorry. 
It was relyoud.
Subcommittee members,are we Prepared for tomorrow night?
- Tom,have you booked The hall yet?
- Yes,sir.
Ann,did you clear Your schedule?
I did. 
I changed my shift. 
Okay.
Leslie,i just have to say
I think You might be taking this
To the public A little bit too soon.
It literally doesn't matter What you propose to the public,
They might call for a vote.
And if they vote you down,Then you're done.
I don't care If there's gonna be a vote.
I have a secret weapon.
Canvassing.
Nothing better Than good old-fashioned Door-to-door campaigning.
I'm not above using My expertise
To change hearts and minds If the cause is just.
When i was in sixth grade,
I was voted best dressed By 87 votes.
And there were only 63 people In my class.
Andy fell into that pit.
I fell into that pit.
How many more pawnee citizens Are going to have to fall
Into that pit Before we turn it to park?
Zero. 
Say it.
- zero.
- A hundred.
I've got some sunscreen
For your beaks.
Tom,you probably Won't need any.
Uh,and this is Our canvassing guide.
This is gonna be the script
That we use When we speak with people.
"if a person is a man,Turn to page two."
"if the person looks Like a celebrity--
Jack nicholson-
- Use this to help your pitch.
You can't handle The pit.
That's why we need to turn it Into a park."
O this is really thorough.
Ann and i are a team.
You guys are a team.
We have even sectors.
You guys have odd sectors.
And we're gonna win.
- Yeah.
- Win what?
Go!
Okay. 
Oh,someone's in there.
This is gonna be fun. 
Are you excited?
- Excited,yeah.
- Are you ready?
- Yes,definitely.
- Are you pumped up?
- Yes.
- Look humble.
But confident.
Good afternoon. 
We are representatives From your local government.
May we speak with you For a moment
- About the sullivan street pit?
- Sure.
Excellent. 
Potive response.
How would you feel If we turned that pit
Into a beautiful community park?
Oh,yeah,That would be a great idea.
Oh,good,i actually live In the neighborhood,
So i could probably tell you A little bit about...
Hey,tut-tut-tut.
Section three.
Okay,Um,we are having
A public forum Tomorrow night.
Lde great If you could come voice
Your strong support.
Tomorrow? 
I can't.
I'm busy. 
Sorry.
Oh,yes,we understand That people are busy,
But we would love for you To come to the meeting-- 
- Sorry.
- Good luck,though. 
I'm all for a park.
Would it change your mind If we told you that--
She's gone.
Yeah,a park,huh? 
That sounds Like a really good idea.
Great. 
Would you be willing To come
- To a town meeting And show your support? 
Absolutely.
Now,is this park gonna have A playground
Or,you know,maybe a pool For the kids?
Oh,how old are your kids?
No kids.
- I'm gonna put him down As a yes.
- Don't do that.
Also is the park gonna be
At least a thousand feet From my house?
Because,yeah,I really can't move again.
April,please stand Behind me.
That's it. 
That's all that we got.
- No flier?
- Nope.
Okay. 
Thank you.
Oh,man,this is great. 
This is so great.
I love canvassing.
What a great way To spend my time.
All right,team haverford,
You guys are awesome,But i think i might work better
As a solo artist,So i'm gonna head ou Peace.
He runs weird. 
He really does.
It's a good idea.
But i'm just not sure.
Okay,which part Are you not sure about?
Turning the pit Into a park.
That's kind of The whole thing.
Look,i think This is a great idea,
But i can't make Any forum.
I would have to get A babysitter.
How old are your kids?
Four and two.
- Could the four-year-old Watch the two-year-old? 
- Oy.
Mickey!
What's up,buddy?
How's my number one sod man Doing?
Look,here's the one,two,three Of the situation.
We're building A new park.
I'm on the committee.
You're putting In the sod.
And who knows,You know,maybe down the line,
Situation will arise Where you could hook me up.
Are you gonna coito coming To this meeting tomorrow
Or are you gonna be a bitch?
Yes,you do owe me. 
Tom haverford.
Okay,keep going. 
Keep moving.
Nose to the grindstone.
- No means yes.
- can we stop,please?
Because it's really hot And i'm tired.
Yeah,i'm hot too.
Let's blow In each other's faces.
- Or we could drink some water.
- Yeah,let's do that.
My house is really close by.
Let's ju gtio ontake a break For an hour or so.
Okay,okay,look,i didn't Want it to have to come to this,
But,ann,please open the sealed Envelope that's in your binder.
This is a little something I learned from karl rove.
If you want to guarantee The results of a survey,
You design the question
To give you the answer That you want.
"wouldn't you rather have A park
Than a storage facility For nuclear waste?"
That seems iffy.
Yeah,don't worry about it. 
I made it all up.
Yeah,that's-- That's what i mean.
Wouldn't you agree,
Like most decent aricans,
That it would be a good idea To turn
The abandoned lot On sullivan street
Into a beautiful community park?
Oh,actually,no.
I'm not really a fan Of parks.
Very noisy. 
Barbecue smell all the time.
Would you change your mind If i told you
That nine out of ten meth users Said the same exacthing?
What?
How would you even know that?
Survey.
We surveyed crystal meth users.
We're actually having
A little town meeting tomorrow Night if you wanted to...
Okay,look,i know It snds weird,
But i just don't like Living near parks.
So do you have a flier Or something?
I'd be happy to take it.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
You don't care About your kids If you don't support this park.
Excuse me?
It's-- what i mean is,
Kids love parks And you should too.
So if i don't support Your little project,
Then i don't love my daughter?
I didn't...
What time is this thing Anyway?
Ah,it's next month. 
Forget it.
Oh,it's tomorrow night. 
I'll be there.
- Great.
- Okay,come on.
- We got one.
- Come on.
Am i talking to
The two sexit thighs In landscaping?
Yes,i am,'Cause i'm talking to marcy.
How's it going? 
Tom haverford.
Kevin,Your sandboxes are the best.
That's why i want you involved.
I just want the best monkey bars I can get in my park.
I don't mind hooking you up.
Maybe down the line,There will be a situation
Where you can hook me up.
Thank you for your time,Sir.
Well,he said Some upsetting things.
I can't believe you gave him Your home phone number.
Well,i'm a public servant.
I need to be accessible.
What the hell is wrong With people?
I should show them Andy's medical bills.
Maybe they'd have A little sympathy.
Oh,my god. 
Ann,game changer.
You just busted the game Wide open.
- How?
- Andy. 
We need andy. 
He's our symbol.
We'll wheel him around the Neighborhood to get sympathy.
He's a cute fdr.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Ron,you got minute.
Uh,sure,paul. 
What can i do for you?
Sullivan street park project,You fast-tracked it,right?
Yeah,absolutely.
Uh,we have A public forum tomorrow.
Okay,great. 
I'll be there.
Great. 
Okay.
"you fast-tracked that,right?"
- I'm sorry. 
Did you say something?
- No.
- You didn't say anything To me?
- No.
There's a new wind blowing
In government,And i don't like it.
All of a sudden,there's all This federal money coming in,
And paul,the city manager,Is telling us
To build parks,Start new community programs.
It's horrifying.
Do you have Like a nurse's costume?
Costume? 
You meanike scrubs?
- Yeah,put those on.
- Okay.
Please tell me
Please tell me why
My car is In the front yard--
Bass,come on!
And i'm sleeping With my clothes on
I came in Through the window
Last night
- It can bericky-- 
- Don't.
Why do i want to build This park so bad?
Maybe because a pit filled With garbage isn't the best
That we can do In america.
You know,in russia,
They could pretend That pit was a park.
Bring their kids down there.
"hey,vlad,Look at these rocks.
"let's pretend They're potatoes.
"nikolai,
Do you want to swim In the dirt?"
But not here,okay?
'Cause we're a nation Of dreamers.
And it is my dream
To build a park
At i one day visit With my white house staff
On my birthday.
And they say,"president knope,This park is awesome.
"now we understand why you are The first female president Of the united states."
Leslie knope.
Builder of parks.
How was canvassing?
Canvassing was okay.
But i think we're going to have To postpone the town meeting.
Postpone?
Only for 1 to 90 days.
No,you're doing This meeting.
Yohave my full support.
I was talking To the city manager,
Exchanging ideas.
There's a mutual respect There.
And,together,we have decided To fast-track your project.
City manager? 
Wow,really?
I have to cancel this meeting.
Fast-track?
Did my ne come up at all?
Oh,this meeting needs To be canceled.
No,it's happening.
Look,just-- just do a good job Tomorrow.
Okay,we have to push This thing through.
Of course,Of course.
I'll push anything Through anything.
You know me.
Are you sweating Through your suit?
I doubt it. 
It's a very breathable fabr-
Oh,yeah,i am.
- Jerry, - what's up,man?
Hey,you're into pretzels,Right?
Bam! 
Hit 'em up,man.
Thanks for coming down.
I got a seat taped off for you Over there.
****missing****
Getting your fences in there.
I drove by one of your fences The other day.
I was like,man,That fence looks awesome.
I was like,of course,Roy's.
If you're Into chocolate muffins,
Grab as many as you want.
Some people may say that Bringing in these contractors
This early is jumping the gun A little bit.
Well,guess what? 
Here's the gun.
Here's me. 
Boom.
Victor miles,tom haverford. 
How are you?
Thank you so much For coming down.
I want to introduce you To leslie.
- Victor miles.
- Hi.
He's a gentleman i met Canvassing.
He also happens to be The top sod guy indiana.
- That's terrific.
- Hey,les. 
Hey.
I really want you To nail this. 
Yeah?
Don from don's cement,Tom haverford.
Good to see you.
Just thinking of a jingle For your company.
How's this? 
Don's cement Is the best you can get Don's
Oh,i'm so glad You're here.
Yeah,andy came too To give support.
I have a lot Of stage experience,so...
This'll be fine,right?
It's a park,For god's sakes.
How much can they hate a park?
A lot of them seemed to hate A park yesterday.
- April,april,i need you In the audience.
- Okay.
Wait. 
And if the questions start Tting negative,
I'm gonna call on you,
And i need you to sell the cra Park anou
- Can you do that?
- Why?
Please,april,This is serious.
- Can you do that?
- Probably.
Good girl,good girl.
Good probably. 
Good girl.
Okay,here we go. 
Line up,everybody.
My mom's here.
Oh,no,i can't do that.
That's illegal.
Thank you so much For coming out tonight.
This is our first ti
About the proposal To turn lot 48
On sullivan street In a community park.
Yeah!
This is gonna be A train wreck.
I want my daughter To be successful.
Which is why i always tell her,
"there's nothing wrong With being a wife and mother."
Now,there are many people That i spoke to
Who are passionately in support Of this idea.
None of them were able To make it tonight,
Unfortunately.
But they totally exist.
I did not make them up.
Oh,i see a question. 
Okay.
No,no.
No. 
No questions right now.
- My name is kate speevack...
- I remember you.
And i live In the neighborhood.
And i am 100% Against this park.
I cannot believe the department Is moving forward
With a project without a single Environmental impact study.
And if you guys agree With me,
Let's ke a stand.
Okay.
Um,we are a little ahead Of schedule
Because we're holding This town hall meeting so soon.
Which i was warned about By mark brendanawicz,
Our city planner Assigned to this project.
Uh,so what would he say?
Here we are.
Leslie,should i give them
Some background info On the site?
Absolutely,okay.
Mark brendanawicz knows The answer to every question.
He's amazing,And congratulations for hearing Him speak.
Hi,there. 
Leslie might have Oversold me a little bit.
Certainly did not. 
He's the man.
He's capable of anything. 
Okay.
Lot 48 is,uh,It's a rectangular lot.
It's got excellent drainage,
And it's on the corner Of sullivan and collins.
Any questions?
I have more of a comment Than a question.
- Go for it.
- It's for the guy in the cast.
Here we go. 
Lawrence.
Yes,yes,yes.
That is andy dwyer.
He is a local resident,and He tragicay ll in the pit.
Uh,yeah,i don't care About any of that.
He's the guy that plays music All night in his garage.
It's driving me nuts.
Lawrence lives With his grandma.
Which is pretty awesome.
He takes care ofer,i guess.
But whatever. 
He's a douche bag.
It's loud. 
It's abusive.
And it's waking up My birds.
You have birds now?
Yeah,i have birds.
I have nice,pretty,Expensive birds.
And you play that music,And it wakes them up.
Look,i don't work For the government,okay.
Uh,i do py rock  roll.
Guilty as charged.
I'm in a band.
It's called just the tip.
And,actually,If anyone here plays bass,We need a bassist.
Yes,okay,let's take A five-minute break,shall we?
Uh,it is not going well At all.
It's going very poorly.
Okay,like you're crashing And burning.
Democracy's happening.
People are talking.
I mean,at least They aren't apathetic,right?
You're right about that.
They're deeply negative.
You need to put a happy face On this,
Give me A few positive talking points.
And whatever you do,Avd a vote.
I'm oddly attracted To kate speevack.
Before we continue,I'd love to just give you
A little history of wnee.
The city of pawnee Was incorporated in 1817
When a young man by the name Of reverend luther howell
Came from terre haute On an ox.
He planted his flag In the ground and was met
Soon aft by an angry tribe Of wamapoke indians,
Who,when seeing the whiteness Of his skin,
Twisted him to death.
Flash forward to 1969.
Man walks on the moon.
Pawnee is lousy With hippies...
My god,she's filibustering Her own meeting.
Mod squad-- Filibuster. 
Boom.
They can't touch you If you talk forever.
I can't speak of the future.
But i will.
The future of pawnee will Involve us flying around
In space taxis Where we will communicate
On watches and blink Our feelings to each other
Rather than use words.
And now i'd like to take
A magical journey Through a little something
I like to call The phantom tollbooth
By norton juster.
Excuse me,can't you read
That children's book On your own time?
I have the floor.
"there once was a boy Named milo
"who didn't know what to do With himself.
Not just sometimes,But always"--
Okay,all right,You know what, This is a public forum,
Which means that we all get To tell you what we think.
Well,you did already talk,Ma'am.
And i would love To listen to someone else,
Someone i don't know.
Uh,that girl over there
With the long brown hair And the yellow top.
Could you tell us how you feel About this park?
- Go ahead.
- Hi.
Uh,i'm a youth In the community,
And i think a new park Is a great ia.
And i fully support it,
As would the rest of the youth In the community.
Hey,i recognize her.
That kid came to my door Yesterday.
Oh,my god,okay,they have Planted people in this audience.
Unbelievable.
U know what,we all agree That this park is a baidea.
We should just take a vote.
- Right?
- Okay,we will take a vote Before we do that,
I want everyone up,Lined up behind that microphone.
I want to hear from all of you,One-by-one.
That was brutal.
A couple weeks ago,I was yelling
At leslie At a public forum.
God,i hope i wasn't As obnoxious as those people.
I wasn't,right?
At 5:00 in the morning,Every morning--
Beep,beep,beep-
- I don't want to hear that.
Now,how long Is this project gonna take?
That's what i wanna know.
That's what's important to me.
Because i need my sleep.
Thank you,ma'am. 
Thank you,ma'am.
That concludes our meeting.
What abouthvote?
We're out of time. 
It's 9:00.
But we will have many Public forums in the future,
And we hope To see you all there.
Thank you so much For coming.
It was tough.
But,you know,that's pawnee. 
That's democracy.
There are a lot of people here That want this park.
You just gotta get past The negative people.
But guess what?
My subcommittee held its First town hall meeting tonight.
God,i loved it.
Hello, Mr. W¡lk¡nson.
Hello.
-brian: 
Hey.
-Hey, Br¡an.
Step's here to see you.
is he? 
Great. 
Br¡ng h¡m ¡n.
He's outs¡de at the load¡ng dock.
He wants to talk to you alone out there for some reason. 
You know?
Man to man.
I'm s¡ck and t¡red of deal¡ng w¡th that Adler fellow.
Truth ¡s, I just want my old I¡fe back.
I just wanna get back to work.
You know? 
I'm a work¡ng man.
That's what I do.
The problem ¡s, ¡f l bankrupt the company, there won't be a job for me to go back to.
You don't have to bankrupt the company.
Well, ¡f l drop the lawsu¡t, you'll sell the company, and the new company, well, who'd want to h¡re somebody w¡th one ball?
Well, you know, I¡sten, I don't th¡nk they're actually allowed to ask, so you're okay.
You know, I'm a work¡ng man, too, Step. 
You know?
I make extract. 
That's what I do.
You know? 
Van¡lia.
Cherry. 
Root beer. 
S'mores.
And a lot of people don't th¡nk that that's very cool, but I th¡nk that ¡t ¡s pretty cool, so,
why would I want to sell th¡s place?
I th¡nk that I just got d¡stracted w¡th Dean and the drugs and the g¡golos and...
You know, what I'm say¡ng ¡s that I'm th¡nk¡ng about maybe not sell¡ng the company.
That ¡s, ¡f there ¡sn't a lawsu¡t.
There ¡s go¡ng to be that ¡nsurance money, Step, so what do you th¡nk?
Yeah, that sounds fa¡r to me.
But under one cond¡t¡on.
What's that?
You make me floor manager.
(whistles )
Hold the I¡ne!
(BELL ringing )
Thank you.
Okay.
Everybody gather around! 
L¡sten up!
Okay. 
F¡rst of all, I want to say that I've dec¡ded not to sell the company.
All r¡ght?
And, secondly, I'm mak¡ng Step here the new floor manager.
Anybody doesn't I¡ke that, I hear they're h¡r¡ng over at gemco.
Remember, though, at gemco, the owner doesn't know your names.
You'll probably never even meet h¡m.
He's, I¡ke, ¡n some corporate off¡ce somewhere.
Here, you know, I'm just upsta¡rs.
You can come up there and you can tell me ¡f you got a problem, okay?
That's all. 
Okay?
Step, the floor ¡s yours.
(MARY SCOFFS )
You're not sell¡ng?
(BELL ringing ) I'm not sell¡ng.
You better start learn¡ng the¡r names, Br¡an.
(GROANS )
-You just go off to work and do...
-Yeah.
Hey! 
You two get back to work!
Qu¡t your yapp¡ng.
( SPEAK/N G SPAN/SH)
Hey, man.
Look, I know you probably want to k¡ck my ass.
I just wanted to tell you that I'm not gonna see Suz¡e anymore, so you don't have to worry.
She's really ¡nto you, dude.
I guess that's why she marr¡ed you and sh¡t.
Whatever.
You're a really lucky guy, and I'm sorry ¡f l messed sh¡t up.
Why'd you have to get hung up on Suz¡e?
You could have any g¡rl you want.
Yeah, but I want Suz¡e.
I can't have her.
You had her 1 5 t¡mes.
Well, yeah.
But she doesn't love me, dude.
It's just not the same.
-Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that.
-All r¡ght. 
You told me.
All r¡ght. 
Later.
Hey, so, I was wonder¡ng, I qu¡t my landscap¡ng job, and I don't really th¡nk l'm cut out for the whole g¡golo th¡ng.
You know? 
So, do you th¡nk you m¡ght have, I¡ke, an open¡ng or whatever at the extract plant?
I'm not go¡ng to g¡ve you a job. 
Okay?
Yeah. 
Sorry.
Or just come by the off¡ce and f¡ll out an appl¡cat¡on.
I'll see what I can do, okay?
Cool. 
Thanks, man.
There he goes.
Johnny Horse-cock. 
Roll¡ng.
You know, I'm start¡ng to th¡nk th¡s m¡ght have been a m¡stake.
-Really?
-Maybe ¡t was my fault, you know?
-Maybe ¡t was your fault.
-No, ¡t's yours.
A lot of blame to go around here.
I th¡nk there are some people who just aren't meant to do drugs, Joel.
I th¡nk you're one of those people, man.
Hello?
Sh¡t.
Why are you clean¡ng the pool yourself?
New guy d¡dn't work out?
Yeah, no, d¡dn't work out.
Boy, ¡t's just hard to get good help, huh?
Yeah.
(CHUCKLES )
Hey. 
D¡d you get a chance to wr¡te that check?
Nathan, Joel and I are not go¡ng to that d¡nner. 
Okay?
Gee, I w¡sh you would have told me that before I went and bought those t¡ckets.
Joel never agreed to ¡t, and ne¡ther d¡d l.
Well, ¡t sure sounded l¡ke you guys were com¡ng.
I mean, Lesl¡e was go¡ng to talk to you about ¡t, but you don't return our calls.
I mean, I already bought those t¡ckets, and they're non-refundable.
I really w¡sh you guys had been a l¡ttle more clear w¡th me.
Well, then, let me be clear w¡th you now.
When we say th¡ngs I¡ke, "l don't th¡nk so,"
or "l'm not sure,"
or we close the door ¡n your face, that means, "No."
Why can't you get that?
-Well, ¡t...
-Shut up! 
Okay.
Let me be even more clear w¡th you, Nathan.
We don't I¡ke you.
is that clear enough for you?
You're dull. 
You talk too much.
You never I¡sten.
You're always ¡n our yard.
I don't know what the hell you're barbecu¡ng over there, but ¡t st¡nks.
You lay out ¡n your front yard and I¡sten to your car rad¡o!
You are the worst ne¡ghbor ¡n the world.
We don't I¡ke you. ls that clear enough for you, Nathan? 
is that clear?
Shut up!
Nathan?
Nathan? 
Nathan?
(CHURCH ORGAN playing )
(CHATTERlNG )
-H¡.
-H¡.
Are you okay?
I th¡nk l m¡ght have k¡lied h¡m, Joel.
The last th¡ng he heard was me yell¡ng at h¡m to shut up.
Well, he d¡d talk a lot.
Yeah. 
He was go¡ng on and on.
I f¡nally lost ¡t.
I'm sure ¡t wasn't your fault.
Probably just a co¡nc¡dence, you know.
I don't know. I just...
I st¡ll feel really gu¡ity about ¡t.
I actually told Lesl¡e l would go to that Rotary Club d¡nner ton¡ght.
She sa¡d Nathan would have wanted ¡t that way.
I sa¡d l'd go to that, too.
Oh.
So, who was th¡s woman that you wanted to have the affa¡r w¡th, anyway?
She was just some cr¡m¡nal dr¡fter.
It wasn't that great.
You know, I thought that she was really ¡nto food flavor¡ng and...
-Really?
-Yeah, I should have known better.
Nobody's ¡nto food flavor¡ng.
Well, I don't know.
I mean, you guys sell a lot of that stuff.
People are ¡nto ¡t.
You should know, by the way, I h¡red Brad.
Yeah, I know. 
You told me that, remember? 
The whole...
No, sorry, not for the sex th¡ng or the pool.
I mean that I h¡red h¡m for the factory.
Why? 
He's a total moron.
Yeah, I know.
Th¡s ¡s go¡ng to sound k¡nd of we¡rd, but I felt sorry for h¡m.
Yeah. 
So d¡d l.
Well, my car's over here, so, I guess I'll see you at the Rotary Club?
Yeah, I'll see you there.
Suz¡e?
Should we maybe just take one car?
Yeah. 
We probably should.
Yeah.
I thought that was a surpr¡s¡ngly tasteful funeral.
JOEL: 
Yes, ¡t was. 
You know, when I was look¡ng down on h¡m, I thought,
"Th¡s m¡ght be the longest l've ever seen h¡m w¡th h¡s mouth shut."
suzie: 
Yeah. I d¡dn't expect that many mourners.
There were a lot of people there.
JOEL: 
Yeah.
( S/N G/N G) You have been a fr¡end of m¡ne, ra¡ny day woman
That woman of m¡ne, she a¡n't happy
T¡ll she f¡nds someth¡ng wrong and someone to blame
/f ¡t a¡n't one th¡ng, ¡t's another one on the way
(PHONE R/N G/N G)
ON ANSWER/N G MACH/NE:
Hey. 
You've reached C¡ndy.
/'m not here, so leave a message.
Where the hell ¡s she?
How long does ¡t take to get some goddamned c¡garettes around here?
VALET: 
Here you are, s¡r.
JOE: 
What the fuck?
Oh, ra¡ny day woman
/'ve never seem to see you for the good t¡mes or the sunsh¡ne
You have been a fr¡end of m¡ne, ra¡ny day woman
Woman

Yeah, it's expensive, but it's sweet.
Yeah. 
Are you familiar with Gibson humbucking pickups at all, or...
No, I'm sorry.
I actually don't play.
It's for my dad for his 50th birthday.
That's... 
That's really sweet.
Yeah, my sisters and I are all chipping in, so...
Your dad will love these humbuckings.
I mean, they really kick ass.
Excuse me, I just have a quick question about...
So, what kind of music does your dad play?
I guess it's kind of jazz-ish, maybe?
This is an excellent jazz guitar.
Pat Metheny plays one of these.
- Probably the best one.
- Yeah.
Is your dad into Metheny at all?
I'm sorry.
I actually have no idea who that is.
Pat Metheny is probably the best fusion player of our times.
He's like the Jake E. Lee of fusion guitar players.
- Yeah, are you into fusion?
- Yeah.
I don't really know what that is, either.
It's just... 
I was asking because I...
I play fusion guitar. 
Just curious.
Yeah, I play fusion, too, actually.
I teach kids. 
I work with kids.
- Really?
- Yeah, I work with a lot of kids.
One quick...
You should come check our band out.
- For Christ's sake.
- Okay. 
Sure. 
That's awesome.
Yeah. 
So what do you think?
Well, do you guys maybe have it in other colors?
Color? 
You mean finishes.
- Meant finishes.
- Yeah, sorry.
We have a sunburst. 
It's beautiful.
Yeah, I just stocked one of those in the back. 
I can go grab it.
- No, I can pick it up.
- You want to see it?
- No, I'll get it. 
It comes with a case.
- I'll get it.
- I'm going to get the case.
- Yeah, okay. 
Thank you.
I'm gonna get...
I'm gonna grab the case.
Awesome.
Well, I said, friend
Don't take her, she's all I've got
Please don't take her love away from me
I'm beggin' you, friend
Don't take her, she's all I've got
Shit!
She's everything in life I'll ever need
She is life
When I want to live
She's everything to me in life that life can give
She's my water
That's not really my thing.
When I need a drink
She's the first thought in my mind
- Hey, Step.
- Hi there, Joel.
- Mary.
- Hello, Joel.
Let me tell you now, friend
Don't take her, she's all I've got
Please don't take her love away from me
I'm beggin' you, friend
Don't take her, she's all I've got
She's everything in life I'm ever gonna need
She's my fingers
When I want to feel
She's the only thing in life to me that's really real
Let me tell you now, friend
Don't take her, she's all I've got
Please don't take her love away from me
I'm beggin' you, friend
You know, I don't know what to...
- They come in and...
- That's right. 
They're doing...
She's everything in life I'm ever gonna need
You should come by tonight.
It's half-price well drinks while the game's going.
Well, you always give me free drinks, though.
I know. 
You should come by.
Might as well. 
There's no action going on at my house, that's for sure.
Why not? 
Is your wife out of town?
No, I just haven't been laid in about a month.
Hey, did you get this job through Job 1?
Me, too.
I started right there on the assembly line, just like you.
Only I did better. 40 crates a day.
That's right, vato.
I'm the best sorter in here.
Yep. 
Probably gonna make me floor manager at the end of this year.
- That's why they made me full-time.
- You see that?
That new guy? 
He's holding us up.
It's not my job to tell him to hold the line, either.
Hey. 
My band's playing on Friday.
You should check us out.
It's pronounced "God's cock. "
What kind of music do you listen to?
Rock?
Yeah. 
Yeah. 
You'll like this.
Ladies are free, so bring some chicks, okay?
Typical, typical.
I'm just going to sit here.
You're not going to shut it off?
I'm not going to hold the line.
If they're not going to do their jobs, I'm not going to do mine.
Well, if I don't get home before about 8:00, she puts on the sweatpants, and once the sweatpants are on, I get nothing.
You know, it's over.
Shit.
Damn it!
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
What is he doing?
That's what I want to know.
- Yeah? 
Why you ganging up on us?
- That is your job.
We can't do our job if they don't do their job!
We're the only ones that do our work around here!
What is the problem? 
Let's settle down.
Mary.
Hector's new here, okay?
It's gonna take him a couple of days, so you've got to be patient.
Step, listen. 
This is something you're gonna have to deal with if you want to be floor manager, you got that?
Exactly.
Great. 
Well, let's clean all this up, okay, and get back to rolling.
We cannot afford to fall behind today.
Let's go.
Back to your station.
See that? 
We always get the blame.
Jesus, they're like a bunch of damn children, you know?
I feel like a babysitter.
Sorry I missed the drama this morning.
I was showing boy genius down there how to back up a forklift.
Look at him.
That's his whole career, you know?
Driving that damn forklift.
You'd think he'd want to learn how.
Well, he does have that band that he's involved in, as well.
Yeah, right. 
Band.
I bet you dollars to donuts he sucks at that, too.
- Then you got dinkus down there.
- Who? 
Mary?
No, no. 
The other one.
What's-her-face?
She asked me, or rather "aksed me," for more personal days.
Just like that.
I told her maybe if she figures out how to fill out her timesheets correctly,
I will give her more personal days.
Don't worry. 
She will never fill out her timesheets correctly.
I better get out of here.
Got to beat that 8:00 sweatpant-deadline thing.
Shit. 
Do not notice me.
Do not notice me. 
Just go back inside.
Go back inside.
God damn it! 
Hey.
Hey, Joel. 
Glad I caught you.
How have you been?
I'm in such a hurry right now, Nathan.
Yeah? 
You've been busy?
Yes. 
Very, very, very busy.
And I'm so busy right now, I gotta go make a phone call.
Gotta call the office before they all leave for the day.
Yeah. 
Hey, listen.
Real quick, while I've got you here, what are you guys doing November 17th?
On the 17th?
On the 17th, I think that we're out of town.
Oh, yeah? 
Where you going?
Wait a minute. 
I meant the 7th.
You guys will definitely be in town then, right?
Yep.
Great. 
Leslie and I are going to this dinner.
It's an annual thing.
We go every year with the Rotary Club.
It's for charity.
It's just a whole lot of fun.
And we would like to invite you and Suzie to be our guests at our table...
Nathan, I just... 
I don't think that that's something that we're gonna want to do.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Why not? 
It's a lot of fun.
I don't know.
Suzie doesn't like going to those kinds of things.
Why not?
We wouldn't know anybody, and she gets really uncomfortable.
- It's not like that.
- Sure it is.
No, she won't feel uncomfortable.
It's not formal or anything.
It's just a real loose bunch.
You know, I...
Tell you what. 
Why don't we do this?
I'm gonna go ahead and buy those tickets, since they're gonna sell out fast.
You talk to Suzie. 
See what she says.
Maybe I'll have Leslie give her a call.
You know how it is when the wives start talking.
- I can almost hear it...
- We're gonna talk about this later.
Got to make the call.
Sorry, Joel, I almost forgot.
The tickets are $40 a plate.
Now, I know that's a little bit steep, but the food is fantastic.
So, that's $80 total.
There's no tax or anything.
Nathan, I really gotta get inside and make this phone call.
You and I are gonna talk about this some other time, okay?
You go do that. 
Hey, Joel?
If you want us to look out after the house while you're gone or anything, we can do that.
- I appreciate that.
- Okay. 
Yup.
Hey, where you guys going, anyway?
We're going on vacation.
Gosh, I tell you, Leslie and I would love to go on a vacation with you guys.
I gotta go.
All right, then.
I appreciate it, Nathan.
Thank you so much.
You do your thing.
Joel? 
One more thing.
Hey, Joel?
- Hon. 
- Hi.
Man, that Nathan won't shut up.
I know. 
What an asshole.
That wife of his is even worse.
I mean, I wonder how long he would talk if you just let him go, you know?
I'm actually afraid to go into our own front yard sometimes because I'm afraid he's going to be milling around.
Remember when we had our condo?
We could just go straight from the garage inside.
No one would bother us.
We could walk to 7-Eleven.
We didn't have to worry about plumbers or pool cleaners.
Speaking of that, we've got to hire a new pool cleaner.
He never checks the chlorine levels.
Sorry, it's just this new synthetic vanilla has a much higher triple point than we thought, which means that the new cookies-and-cream extract that we've been working on could really work, and I just... 
I gotta get to this before Weber Flavors beats us to it, 'cause if something like this caught on, it could be big.
Could sell the company.
Do you remember that logo that you designed for the original cookies-and-cream extract?
I still have that framed in my office.
Do you remember it?
Yeah. 
And now I design coupons.
Do you want to go to the bedroom?
- I'm a little tired.
- Really?
Yeah, just... 
I don't know.
It's the middle of the week.
It's not the middle of the week.
It's Monday, baby.
It's Monday? 
Shit!
- What happened?
- Dancing with the Stars.
Is it on?
I gotta get a house that's got a bathroom that doesn't share a wall with the TV.
Why would you do that?
Because it is a little tough to jerk it with the TV blaring at you through the wall, Dean.
Well, why don't you use one of the other 2 bathrooms?
It'd be too suspicious.
We don't use those bathrooms.
I'll just...
I'll put some insulation in or something.
Insulation?
You do not need to put fiberglass in your walls because you have so much masturbation shame.
You need to take responsibility for yourself and snap one off wherever you want to in your own home.
You own your house.
You own your own business.
I mean, you used to be a bartender here.
Now look at what you have.
I know, but come on. 
What...
What, really, do I have?
Okay? 
It's a pain in the ass.
I work all the time.
What does it get me?
Nobody cares about extracts, certainly not my wife.
The stock guy with the shitty band probably gets laid more often than I do.
Yeah, but he probably lives in a really crappy apartment.
I would very gladly move into a crappy apartment if the bathroom wasn't right next to the TV.
It belonged to my father.
He passed away last month and we have all these stupid bills, and it's just been really hard for me, you know?
He was really into fusion.
You know, I'm not supposed to say this, but given the circumstances, you know, you could take this down to the music store and get a lot better deal.
No, that's okay. 
Really.
I just wanna get this over with.
- I just want it gone.
- I understand. 
I understand. 
Here.
I just... 
I want you to have a little extra.
Here. 
Come on.
- No. 
No, no, no. 
I couldn't. 
No. 
No.
- No, no. 
Just... 
Just take the money.
You've been through enough already.
Come on.
Okay. 
Okay.
Oh, my gosh.
God bless you. 
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Hey.
Are we still looking into replacing her with a robot?
Yeah, sure. 
But we might not have to.
You're not gonna believe this, but remember that guy,
Michael J. Natherton from General Mills, who called a while back, talking like he might want to buy us out?
Yeah. 
I thought you said that he wasn't serious, he was just kicking the tires.
Yeah, well, he's serious now.
He just made us an offer.
- I mean, a real offer.
- Are you kidding me?
It must be part of some bigger strategic move, because this is over market value, I think.
I might be able to finally unload all this stuff and retire, huh?
I mean, there's a lot of details to work out, but, yeah, this... 
This could be great.
He says he'll call back next week.
What should I tell him?
You tell him, "Hell, yes. "
Adiós, dinkus.
You see that?
I already warned him.
This is the last time.
I'm just gonna sit here.
Oh, no. 
What now?
I knew it. 
That's what happens when you don't pay attention.
Yeah, all right.
Just call me if you hear anything else.
He definitely lost one of them, and they think that they can reattach the other one, but they're not sure.
That's hardcore.
I have no idea how this happened.
We've got such a good safety record, and we comply with all the safety codes.
I think it was just some kind of a freak accident, you know?
Well, you probably have insurance for that, right?
Yeah, of course. 
He's probably gonna get a huge settlement.
Yeah, I would think so.
I mean, it's your balls.
It kind of makes you think, doesn't it, how fragile we all are?
Especially our balls.
They're just hanging there.
A little sack.
Any minute, could just be cut off forever.
What'd life be like, walking around without testicles?
Can you imagine that shit?
Yeah, actually, I rarely use my balls anymore at all.
What about the other night?
I thought you were gonna rub one out to Dancing with the Stars.
I mean that, you know,
Suzie and I have sex maybe once every 3 months.
You know, sexual frustration is really hard.
But I may have a solution.
- What?
- You need to take some Xanax.
Xanax? 
Isn't that for anxiety?
It's good for all psychological problems in the DSM-IV.
Xanax basically just makes you feel good.
That's why it works for everything.
I take it for the common head cold.
I think it would work great for sexual frustration.
- Want me to get you some?
- No, I don't.
You know what else is good?
Codeine cough syrup.
- For what?
- It's just good.
What listing?
Don Wilkinson or Step Wilkinson.
- One moment.
- Can I have the address, please?
I'm sorry.
I'm not showing anything for either.
There's a D. Wilkinson, but it's unlisted.
Okay. 
Thank you.
So, the guys at General Mills got wind of this whole testicular incident and they're worried.
If Step decides to sue us beyond the insurance settlement, that could be a serious liability.
How is Step doing, anyway?
Better.
I guess he might be going home today.
Good.
Anyway, I guess we don't have to worry about it.
He says he's not going to sue us.
Says he wouldn't want something for nothing, you know, and what's right is right.
He's being pretty mellow about this.
Yeah.
I think when you lose your balls, it kind of mellows you out.
By the way, guess who asked for a raise today?
- Who?
- Dinkus. 
Can you believe that?
Brian, you know, you call everyone here dinkus.
I don't know who you're talking about.
You know, forklift dinkus.
I thought you call him "boy genius. "
Right. 
Yeah.
Well, boy genius asked for a raise.
I said, "Are you kidding me?
"You almost got somebody killed last week. "
And then he tried to blame it on dinkus over there.
You know, you really ought to learn the employees' names.
Yeah, I was thinking about that, but then I figured, hey, if this deal goes through next week, I won't have to.
It's not like I'm gonna be inviting dinkus and boy genius over for dinner.
Joel, let me introduce you to the new temps here.
One of them wanted to meet you.
Joel, this is Cindy.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Oh, my God.
And...
I'm sorry. 
I forgot your name.
- Victor.
- Victor! 
Right.
Hi. 
Joel. 
Welcome.
Okay.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Look, I'm so sorry, ...but are you really the owner of this entire place?
Yeah.
I mean, like, you...
You started it and everything?
Yeah. 
Yeah, pretty much.
Oh, my God. 
How?
Just... 
You really wanna hear this?
A lot of people think it's boring.
No, no. 
I... 
Really, I do. 
I wanna know.
I mean, did you, like, invent extract or something?
- Kind of.
- Really?
Well, my mother used to...
My mother used to make these root-beer cookies, and I always noticed that the cookie dough tasted better than the cookies themselves, and I thought, "Why is that?"
And it turns out that a lot of the flavor in the root-beer extract evaporates when you cook it, and so when I was in graduate school, in chemistry,
I figured out a way to use this synthetic derivative of the wintergreen component, and it just...
It doesn't evaporate as easily.
And from that, you know...
I mean, you... 
You figured all of that out, like, with your brain!
- Yeah.
- You must be really rich.
I've got a 7 Series BMW and some pretty nice clothes.
You know so many people.
- I...
- My God. 
You are really popular.
What?
It's just really cute how your 6s look like 8s.
Or is it more like your 8s look like 6s?
Which one is it?
Hey, dude.
You wanna hit some golf balls, man?
Hey, Dean. 
Cindy, here.
Damn.
Goodness. 
Hi. 
Dean.
Entrepreneur, spiritualist, healer.
- Okay.
- Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Thank you, Mr. Reynolds.
- Thank you. 
Thank you.
- Welcome aboard.
We're gonna play some golf, but maybe we could all just hang out?
- Dean?
- Dude.
Does she work here?
Yeah, she's a temp.
- She's a tramp?
- Temp!
And please don't stare at her.
Get away from the window.
I like it, Joel. 
I like your style.
Well, I didn't hire her.
She came over through Job 1.
They just sent her over like everyone else.
Job 1? 
I got to give those guys a call, man.
I have never seen a woman anywhere near that hot working here.
Makes sense, though, huh?
I mean, hot girls need jobs, too, right?
Do they really?
I mean, most of your temps look like winos, man, and they're guys.
- You wanna hear something weird, too?
- Yeah.
I think that she was flirting with me.
Really?
- Could be wrong.
- No, I'm sure, man.
Dude, you could probably have any girl out there, that's walking around, anyone that you see right now with the hairnet on, man, you could probably nail.
- I don't know about that.
- I'm telling you, man, you're the king of this whole domain.
This is your place.
You're the ruler here.
You're the king of the...
What is this shit you're making out here?
It's extract, and it's spray-dried flavoring, and...
You're the extract king, man.
And these females out here sense that, and you can have them if you want that, you know?
I personally wouldn't, because they're not sexually attractive to me, but, you know, that girl right there...
- good for you, Joel.
- Somebody stole my purse!
What the shit?
My purse is stolen! 
It's gone! 
He did it!
He stole my purse! 
You!
You stole my purse! 
He did it!
- He did it! 
He stole my purse!
- Hey, wait, wait!
- I told you about him!
- Calm down!
Calm down one minute, will you?
I'm not gonna calm down!
I'm gonna call the cops!
Will you please time out?
I speak the language, okay? 
Hector.
- You know, purse-o?
- Purse! 
That's right!
You stole my purse and took my money!
- Wait a minute! 
Wait a minute, okay?
- He stole my purse.
Give me a break, please?
How do you know it's stolen?
I know it's stolen because it's gone, that's how!
What does it look like?
It's a white leather multi-colored patchwork purse with a turquoise lining and a cute little teddy bear in a tutu!
You didn't have to love me like you did
But you did, but you did
And I thank you
You didn't have to love me like you did
But you did, but you did
And I thank you
But you took your love to someone else
I wouldn't know what it meant to be loved to death
You made me feel like I've never felt
Kisses so good I had to holler for help
You didn't have to hold it, but you did
But you did, but you did
And I thank you
You can go ahead of me if that's all you got.
- Really?
- Yeah, sure.
Are you sure?
That's really, really sweet of you.
Thank you.
I can't believe I'm buying Reynold's Extract.
I mean, I work at the factory, you know?
Really? 
I work there, too.
Are you serious?
Yeah, I sure do.
Well, I used to, but... 
Yeah.
Well, I just started working there.
Yeah, I'm the fastest sorter there.
- Really?
- Yeah. 40 crates a day.
They were gonna make me floor manager.
Well, I'm Cindy.
We don't do it anymore, you know?
It's... 
We just... 
I don't know what to do.
We're turning into one of those brother-sister couples.
You do kind of look alike.
- No, we don't.
- Okay.
And to make things worse,
Dean, I cannot get that Cindy girl out of my mind.
And how often am I going to meet a girl that pretty and that into food flavoring? 
It's just...
You know she practically asked me out?
She gave me her phone number and everything.
Asked me if I was going to that party where Rory's band is playing.
- Can you believe that?
- Really?
- Yeah.
- What are you going to do?
What do you mean, what am I gonna do?
I'm gonna do nothing.
I can't cheat on Suzie.
I just got to power through it until I'm too old to get it up, you know?
Then I'll be all right.
What if Suzie cheated on you?
Right. 
Come on.
Listen, man. 
I like Suzie.
You know what I'm saying?
And I got nothing against her, but what if she's feeling the same way you were? 
Right?
What if she cheated on you?
Would that bother you?
I don't... 
No, I guess...
No, I guess it wouldn't, at this point.
I guess that's a little weird, isn't it?
Yeah, a bit, but, you know, do you think she would do it?
- What? 
Cheat on me? 
No.
- You sure?
Well, I don't know, actually.
Hang on. 
She might.
Suzie might.
She could be tempted, I suppose.
If some really studly guy hit on her...
So, you're saying that she would cheat on you if she were placed in temptation's way, and yet you're in temptation's way and you're not cheating on her?
- That's right.
- Okay, bro.
Here's what you need to do.
- I don't want drugs, Dean.
- There are ways, ancient ways from Aztec times of getting your wife to cheat on you, if that is what you need.
Let's hear it.
You hire a gigolo to have an affair with your wife.
- What?
- I'm serious, bro. 
I know a guy.
- You know a gigolo?
- Yes, I do.
How do you know a gigolo?
- This guy, Brad.
- Brad the gigolo?
Yes, who comes in here all the time.
He's friends of Cliff.
You hire Brad.
He has an affair with Suzie.
All right. 
Yeah. 
Don't you have another customer to help or something?
Dude, you just told me that you wouldn't mind if she fooled around with somebody else.
And if she fools around with somebody else, you have no guilty feelings about hooking up with Cindy.
All your problems are solved.
Stroke-of-genius idea on my part.
Jesus Christ, maybe I will try some of your Xanax.
- Come on.
- Seriously.
I think what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna sit Suzie down and I'm just gonna talk to her about it.
- Bing!
- No, that was a joke.
Not a joke.
- Joking.
- Serious.
This gonna shut you up?
Tell me what this stuff does, again.
Yeah, I just believe what's right is right.
That's right, Step.
And what's right is for you to send a message so that a horrible accident like this never happens to anybody ever again.
That's why I got a lawyer for you.
You want to know who?
- Who?
- The guy on all the bus-stop benches.
Joe Adler? 
You got me Joe Adler?
Yeah.
You're so good to me, Cindy.
Okay. 
My gosh. 
Step, I'm sorry.
You're getting me aroused, and I'm getting you aroused, and your doctor said that you should not get aroused till after the trial.
Step, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry. 
I think we should go.
I'm sorry.
Man. 
Look at all them mallards.
I knew I should have brought the Mossberg.
Shit.
Do you remember what color that pill was I gave you?
- What?
- Damn it.
I don't think it was Xanax.
Could have been Ritalin or Special K.
I don't care. 
What?
Well, Special K is a horse tranquilizer.
It sometimes has weird effects on humans.
Hey, it's nothing to worry about.
Probably just shouldn't drink anymore.
Remember that thing you were talking about?
- About the gigolo?
- Yeah?
You don't think that is wrong?
You don't think that that is morally wrong?
What could be morally wrong about that?
Yeah, I don't know.
Look, man.
If she doesn't wanna do anything, she doesn't have to, okay?
But if she does, then she's the one who sinned, and you're the one who can go out there and drop the Joel-pole in whoever the hell you want to.
And that's what's morally appropriate.
I cannot... 
I can't see anything morally wrong with it, either, and... 
And he's a friend of yours, right?
What is his name?
Brad. 
You want me to get on the phone with him?
No, no. 
Just hang on.
It's very weird to even talk about this, Dean.
Dude, all you got to do is tell her he's coming to be the new pool guy or whatever, and see what happens.
Seriously.
If she doesn't go for it, terrific.
Now you just feel better for not fooling around in the first place.
I think you're right, and we do need a new pool cleaner.
That's a sign, bro.
Yeah, I just... 
I don't know. 
It's so nuts.
You got to listen to the universe.
Why don't you have another drink, man?
You know what?
Why don't I go call Brad?
See what he has to say about this?
What the hell.
It seems pretty clear, right?
I mean, it's $200, right?
Yeah. 
It's 200.
Well, yeah. 
I mean, you know, I'm getting my 10%.
Come on, Dean. 
What are you?
You're a pimp now?
I don't think they call it a pimp when it's with a male prostitute, Joel.
- All right.
- They have another name for it.
It's not a john, but it's something like that.
They call it something else.
Look, I'm the one who hooked this whole thing up.
- I get it.
- Okay?
You have nothing to worry about 'cause it all comes out...
- of his money, anyway.
- All right!
- Fine.
- So, it's $200.
Yep. 220.
- Dean!
- What?
I have a question.
Yep.
So, are you, like, gonna watch or something?
No, no. 
No, no. 
No, I'm...
I'm not even gonna be there.
I'm gonna be at work.
Don't you remember? 
We covered this.
- Didn't we cover this?
- Look, dude, here's the story.
What you're gonna do is, you're just gonna go to Joel's house, okay, pretending to be the new pool cleaner.
When you get there, you will simply attempt to seduce Joel's wife.
If she does not respond, you will simply clean the pool and leave.
That's it. 
It's just that simple.
So you're not gonna, like, ...try to touch my ass or anything?
Listen. 
He will be at work.
You will go by when he is not there, and you will pose as the pool cleaner trying to seduce the wife.
I see. 
Yeah. 
I get it now.
- It's so simple.
- Yeah. 
I'm sorry. 
Cool.
Yeah. 
You're not even gonna be there.
No, he will not be there.
He will not be at the house.
You will be at the house.
The wife will be at the house. 
He will...
- Not be...
- Not be at the house.
Cool. 
No problem.
This is gonna be great.
Now, I want you to remember that she might not go for it.
So, awesome, yeah.
No, I can hardly wait.
- She might not go for it.
- This is going to be awesome.
Awesome. 
Hey, man, if you know of anybody else who might need, you know, what I do, like lonely housewives and shit, you think you could tell them about me?
Because I figure if I can get enough of them, then maybe I could quit my landscaping job.
That would be awesome, because I hate landscaping, dude, and I like getting laid a lot better.
And I'm always seeing all kinds of horny housewives out at the clubs, so, like I say, if your wife has any housewife...
Brad, you're killing me, man.
All right? 
Good talking to you.
- All right.
- Good talking, all right, bro? 
Later.
You know what else I was thinking, man?
- Later on, Brad. 
Good night, man.
- All right, cool.
Hey, let me give you a ride home.
You're not in any condition to drive.
I know.
This... 
Are you sure about this guy?
This...
Oh, yeah, man. 
He's real cool.
He just gets a little fired up before each job.
It's just... 
He doesn't seem that bright.
I mean, what do you expect?
He's a whore.
Hey.
Looks like you had one of those nights?
So, where was I?
Shit.
- Hello?
- Hey, Dean.
- Joel.
- Thank God you're awake.
Did that really happen last night?
We go through with that?
That gigolo stuff?
As far as I know.
- God damn it!
- What?
What was I thinking?
We got to call that off right now.
Can you call that guy?
What's his name?
Brad. 
Okay. 
Yeah, man. 
I'll call him.
Yeah, tell him I'll pay him anyway.
Not to... 
Not to worry about it.
Just tell him not to go over there.
What was I thinking?
All right, chill. 
Chill. 
I'll call him.
Thanks for the drugs, Dean.
Actually, I don't have his digits.
What're you talking about?
Thought you called him last night.
- Yeah, but I got his number from Cliff.
- You get it from Cliff again.
Cliff doesn't have a phone right now.
I got it from him at the bar.
Motherfucker!
What's the boy's last name?
I'll call information.
I don't remember. 
It's a Mexican name.
Mexican?
For Christ's sake, Dean, the guy's got blonde hair and blue eyes. 
Come on.
I thought it was strange, too, a guy who looks like that had a Mexican last name, but I don't judge people, you know?
I mean, might not have been Mexican.
Could have been a Filipino name.
I think it's Lopez or Sanchez.
Or Gutiérrez.
Shit. 
I got to get home and head him off.
- Joel, we got to talk.
- Not now, Brian.
- It's kind of important.
- Not now, pal.
- Not now.
- It's kind of really important.
- It's about Step.
- There's a Brad Chavez on Line 1 for you.
- Who?
- Brad Chavez.
Brad Chavez?
You want me to take a message?
No, no. 
That's the pool cleaner.
I better take that.
Hello?
- Hey, is this Joel?
- Yes, it is.
- Hey, man. 
It's Brad.
- Hey. 
Thank God.
Mission accomplished, dude.
It worked. 
She totally went for it.
You were not even supposed to be there for another 45 minutes.
Oh, really? 
Yeah.
I totally forgot what time you guys told me, and I was so excited about it I just went over there.
So, then, you... 
She actually...
You guys...
Yep. 
It was easy.
Easy? 
What does that mean, easy?
No, I don't mean easy like she was easy or anything like,
"Your wife's a slut," or anything.
I just meant it wasn't hard to get her to...
Never mind.
Tell me. 
Tell me what happened.
I want to hear it all.
- You sure?
- Yeah. 
I'm sure.
Okay. 
Well, she let me in, so I just went back like I was cleaning the pool, and I don't know anything about pool cleaning, right?
So, I was totally just faking it, and she was in her bathing suit, so I struck up a conversation.
This is a really nice house.
Thank you.
Is it your dad's house?
No, it's... 
It's ours.
You look so young to be living in a house this nice.
What?
Do you have any sunscreen?
I forgot mine.
Sure.
And, see, I thought that was pretty smart of me, right, to ask to borrow the sunscreen, because that way I could ask if she wanted some and I could rub some on her back, right?
Instead of me just coming out and asking to rub some on her back.
It was pretty smooth, huh?
Anyway, once I started rubbing lotion all over her body...
- the rest was pretty easy. 
She...
- All right! 
That's it!
Stop it! 
I don't need to hear any more.
Okay. 
Okay, dude.
Well, hey, listen, if you have anyone else that you want to referral me to or, like, if you want me to do your wife again, I can...
No! 
I've got to go. 
Goodbye.
- Damn it!
- Yoo-hoo. 
Hey!
- How's it going?
- I'm real busy, actually.
Well, I'm not gonna keep you long.
I went ahead and got those tickets for that dinner we talked about going to together on the 7th.
I think I mentioned that they were 40 apiece.
Well, as it turns out, they're a tad more this year. 55.
I told you that we really didn't want to go to that thing.
Don't you remember that?
I know you said something about Suzie feeling uncomfortable, but like I say, she won't feel uncomfortable at all.
She could wear a pantsuit, if that's the issue.
- It's not formal or anything.
- No. 
It's not the problem, Nathan.
What? 
Does she not like to wear a dress ever?
I gotta go.
One more thing! 
I'm busy, too.
Joel, I was thinking, maybe we could go on vacation, just the 2 of us.
We haven't done something like that in a long time, and I know they have really great deals right now in the Caribbean.
I hate the Caribbean.
Really? 
Why?
'Cause it sucks.
But I thought you liked going to hot places, you know, so you can wear your shorts.
I don't feel so good.
I'm gonna go to bed.
Is it the food?
Well, actually, I'm in, like, 5 bands right now, but God's Cock is basically the same 4 guys as Fight Head, but Fight Head's more of, like, a thrash skate-punk-type thing,
whereas God's Cock is more like melodic grindcore.
So, it's 5 bands, but it's 4 groups of guys.
She is so nice.
I wish they'd hire more people like her.
Can't believe he's still working here.
Did you know that Sylvia's wallet is missing?
She thinks it was stolen.
And guess who was in the locker room last?
Hector.
Hey. 
Did you guys hear the rumor?
Jim said Joel and Brian are going to sell the company.
Rich said the same thing, too.
He said they'll probably make millions and billions of dollars, too.
Shut the fuck up.
You mean, I'm working my ass off and those guys are gonna make all that money?
I work harder than anybody.
If you add it all up, I lift over 200,000 pounds a week.
We should do something.
Here. 
Ladies are free, so bring some chicks.
- You got a sec?
- Yeah.
I think we might have a really big problem here.
I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden,
Step says he doesn't want to settle anymore.
I think he might have talked to a lawyer.
Like I say, the General Mills guys don't wanna make the offer official until this whole thing is settled, so...
All right, well, don't worry about it.
Step's probably just chest-beating, you know?
He does this all the time.
He gets all wound up, talks big, and then he usually backs down.
And that was with his balls, so,
- I'll talk to him.
- Okay. 
All right. 
The sooner the better.
There he is. 
Hey.
I can't talk today.
- Almost missed you.
- I can't talk right now, Nathan.
Hey, I noticed you got a new pool cleaner today.
How is he?
We're thinking about changing services.
I got to get inside...
Hang on, you mean yesterday, right?
The pool cleaner that you saw, you saw him yesterday, not today, right?
No, today. 
The new guy.
What did he look like?
Well, you know, blonde-haired kid about yea high.
Good-looking kid. 
Real good-looking.
In fact, Leslie even commented...
You're absolutely sure that you saw him today, and not yesterday?
- Yeah.
- No doubt?
No, no doubt about it. 
It was today.
I came home for lunch.
Yesterday, I had this bear of a sales conference.
This guy just went on.
Hey, do you think I could go ahead and get that check from you?
It's 110...
All right, I'll call you!
Hello?
- Yeah, is this Brad?
- Yeah.
What were you doing at my house today?
- Nothing.
- Bullshit.
Look, don't worry about it, dude.
I won't charge you for this one.
You had sex with my wife again?
Well, I figured we already did it once, so what's the big deal, right?
- Besides, I'm not going to charge you.
- You're not going to charge...
You are going to charge me and I am going to pay you, because you are not going to have sex with my wife for free, all right?
Now, listen. 
If I ever catch you anywhere near my house ever again, it's not going to be great, all right?
Okay, listen, if you know of anyone else who needs...
Hey, do you want to,
I don't know, go out or something?
We can go to 7-Eleven and get pizza sticks.
I have this work thing I gotta go to.
Rory's band's playing.
Everyone's got to go.
Are you getting what you deserve?
Call me! 
Joe Adler, the big gun.
- Hey, Cliff.
- Hey.
I cannot believe that my wife slept with that guy.
I thought you said it wouldn't bother you.
Well, I guess I didn't think about it long enough.
It was so easy for him, too.
I can't stand that.
Maybe I'm just lousy in the sack.
No, man. 
It's not your fault.
I told you, my man Brad just crushes ass, dude.
I'm sorry if, you know... 
I'm sorry.
That's all right. 
That's all right.
Apparently you're right.
What is it with women?
They say they don't care about looks, they just want a guy who's smart and funny, but they always just end up laughing at whatever the good-looking, stupid guy says.
I know.
Guess what else? 
Little prick was at my house again today.
- For real? 
Why?
- Why do you think?
Unreal. 
You hire a guy to do a job on one day, and he comes back the next day, drops it in your wife again for free.
Yeah, well, I'm not letting him do it for free. 
I am paying him.
You are? 
How much?
The same, I guess. 
Why?
Well, I mean, should I contact Brad for my 20 bills and invoice him, or should I go to you, or...
Don't even worry about that right now.
We can deal with the economics of it later.
You can just table that.
That's not what's important.
What's important is that you should be going out right now and calling Cindy, guilt-free.
Conscience clear.
Yeah. 
I don't know about that.
She's at that party.
- Look. 
You know what you need to do?
- I don't need any more drugs.
Dude. 
I know I kid around a lot and I'm a little bit of a character, but I'm serious right now.
This is real advice.
Okay? 
So, I want you to listen to me.
You should try smoking a little pot.
- That's a drug.
- It's not a drug. 
It's a flower.
It has healing properties.
Stress is a killer.
Okay, I get paranoid when I smoke pot.
Not if you smoke a little, bro.
You know what you need to do?
You need to hang out with my boy Willie.
He's a great guy. 
He's the one who gave me that horse tranquilizer.
Dude, the Atlantians gave mankind the secret 10,000 years ago.
See, drugs don't give you a hangover, man. 
You know what I mean?
People are just now starting to use that shit. 
Embrace it.
That's how we're going to solve modern problems, man.
Wisdom of the ancients.
Ask Willie, bro. 
He's a shaman.
Right on.
- All right, man.
- No.
I'm really kind of a lightweight. 
If you've got a beer, or even some wine...
- It's not really my thing.
- Bullshit.
Come on, Joel.
Man, he thinks he gets paranoid.
- I do get paranoid.
- Okay.
You familiar with the Graffix bong?
- You ever used one before?
- No.
Okay. 
Put your thumb right here.
Hey! 
You put your right thumb here, on the carburetor.
Now, when I tell you to let go, I want you to let go and inhale hard.
Okay. 
Exhale!
- I'm going to let you guys do this.
- Bullshit!
This doesn't work for me.
Just give mine to Dean.
- Exhale hard!
- I get paranoid, so I don't...
Exhale!
Put your lips on it. 
Yeah.
Go! 
Inhale! 
Go! 
Go! 
Harder!
Let go!
Inhale!
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. 
It's Jesus. 
You see him?
Fuck.
I thought I heard somebody say something.
Jesus Christ.
Did you see the look on his face?
Man, you do get paranoid when you get stoned.
You do, dude.
Did you get paranoid when he jumped at you?
I told you guys.
Hey, dude, man.
You should call that girl now.
Well, yeah, what time is it?
Time for you to call her and finally get laid, man. 
Come on!
- All right.
- It's 12:30, man.
She's probably at home now.
What does she look like?
She's... 
She has dark hair.
She's kind of pretty, and, you know, working-class looking.
What do you mean by that?
That she's kind of slutty-looking?
Kind of. 
Yeah.
That's how I like them.
Kind of nasty. 
Yeah.
You guys have the same taste, man.
Yeah. 
Hope I don't wake her up.
Busy.
At least you know she's home, man.
I don't know what kind of person doesn't have call waiting.
I don't have call waiting.
I hate call waiting.
Every time I hear that clicking,
I put my fist right through someone's skull!
Are you joking? 
He's playing with you.
You do get paranoid when you are stoned, huh?
Seriously, though, I hate call waiting.
Okay, man.
You're too stoned.
I'm gonna dial the number for you.
I'll tell you why you're getting a busy signal.
This is my number.
Enough. 
I don't know why you're trying to get me so paranoid.
You're gonna make me cry.
Hey.
Joel?
Hey. 
What are you doing here?
Joel, man, I'm not proud of you today.
Guys, seems like...
- you guys will have a lot to work out.
- Hey, man.
I don't want to be a 4th wheel.
Thanks for having me. 
It's been cool.
See you guys later.
Kind of nasty?
Shit.
My God. 
Joel, are you all right?
What happened?
I'm fine. 
I'm fine. 
Just got my ass kicked. 
Just back to sleep.
- But...
- Honey, just...
By who? 
What happened?
Some guy at Sidelines, just...
Night-night.
My God, you should go to the hospital so you can get checked out, maybe.
No, no, I just want to go to sleep right now.
- Are you sure you're okay?
- Honey, just don't worry about it, okay?
People get their asses kicked every day. 
Not a big deal. 
Back to bed.
- Can I get you some ice?
- I'm set.
Hi, Joel. 
Brian wants to see you.
My God.
What happened to your face?
Car door. 
Slammed it.
Hey, did you talk to Step yet?
Not returning my calls.
Oh, shit. 
We got trouble.
He did talk to a lawyer.
Joe Adler, that personal-injury lawyer you see on all the bus-stop bench ads.
He's got that freak-show hairdo.
I mean, you got to see this guy.
He is a human turd.
Shit. 
What happened to you?
I fell down some stairs. 
Joe Adler?
Yeah. 
I mean, this could be a real problem.
We could be really screwed here.
And we got to hire a couple of new people because Cindy's quitting.
And did you know she's been going out with Step?
What?
Can you believe that?
- Step?
- Yeah.
- Our Step?
- I know. 
Weird.
And they didn't even meet here.
They met, like, at some grocery store or something, totally random.
You know, how a jimmy-john little dingle berry like him ends up with a girl like Cindy is beyond me.
And if it's okay with you, I'd like to go ahead and fire Hector.
Fire Hector? 
Why?
Well, you know, what's-her-face's purse and dinkus' wallet.
It's got to be him. 
Who else could it be?
No. 
Do not fire Hector.
- Why not?
- Just... 
Just trust me on this.
Okay. 
If you say so.
Jenny, I don't feel very well.
I'm gonna go home early.
Shit.
What the...
What the hell are you doing on my street again?
Dude, you weren't supposed to be here for another 4 hours.
What... 
What happened to your face?
Same thing that's...
Your face is going to look like my face if I ever...
Actually, your face is going to look worse than mine if...
Listen, if I ever catch you anywhere near my house or my wife again, at the very least, you will be arrested.
For what? 
Suzie let me in.
Listen, man, I know she's your wife and shit and whatever.
You might as well know, I think we're in love.
In love? 
Are you stupid.
Stupid Brad. 
Stupid, dumb, dumb Brad.
You think that she is in love with you?
You don't even know her, okay?
You're nothing but a little piece of ass.
That's it.
I don't think so, dude.
You don't think so, dude?
Did you ever think that she doesn't even know that I paid you to have sex with her?
Did you ever think about that?
Did that ever skitter across your little tiny brain?
How about I go home and I tell her right now that you did it all for money?
What about that, ding-ding?
Shut up. 
You wouldn't do that.
- Really? 
Watch this, slut.
- No!
- Here I go.
- No, wait! 
Please!
Don't! 
Man!
Listen, man, me and your wife got something really special going on.
Please don't mess it up for me.
Don't mess it up?
You're talking about my wife!
My house! 
My pool! 
Stupid ass.
No, wait! 
Come on!
You can't do this to me!
Yes, I can!
Hi. 
You're home early.
So, how was that new pool cleaner?
What do you mean?
What do you think I mean?
Did he do a good job cleaning the pool?
Well, I...
Did he get all the leaves?
'Cause it doesn't look really clean.
I'm looking right at it, and it looks pretty goddamn filthy.
Yeah, yeah.
It doesn't look like he did a good job.
I think he did a horrible job, and I don't think we're going to be using him anymore.
- Okay.
- Okay?
Are you sure you're feeling okay, Joel?
Can I take you to the doctor?
Nope!
- Do you want some aspirin?
- No, thank you!
How about some raisins?
- Hey, Step.
- Joel! 
Come on in.
Great.
This is my half-brother, Phil.
- Well, let's go out back.
- All right.
Hey, hey! 
Close the door.
Sorry.
So, you're dating Cindy?
Yes, sir. 
She's my girlfriend.
We might even get married after all this lawsuit settlement stuff gets settled.
Step, you might want to be careful with her.
What do you mean?
Does she got an STD?
I just... 
Step, I'm not sure how to put this, but, you know, you have got a lot of money coming your way from the settlement.
You might want to be careful with her.
Joel, I know Cindy has got her problems, but she means well.
She's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Step, I don't want to tell you what to do, but I just want you to think about this, you know.
If you go beyond the settlement, you continue with the lawsuit, you could bankrupt that company.
And people are going to lose their jobs, a lot of people are gonna be pissed off at you, so...
No, I ain't worried about that.
I can kick anybody's ass at that whole company.
Yeah.
Well, I'm gonna kick somebody's ass if you don't close that screen door!
Brad, we can't. 
I'm sorry.
- We have to stop doing this.
- Why?
Because it's not right, and I feel horrible, and you have to start cleaning the pool.
But I've never felt this way about anyone before, and I've been with a lot of chicks.
Okay, look, Brad.
I love my husband. 
I really do.
And this was a mistake. 
I'm sorry.
I don't know what got into me.
I was bored and frustrated, and I was not feeling particularly pretty.
But we just... 
We have to stop this.
This has made me realize I really want to make my marriage work.
I'm sorry.
This doesn't mean that we can't still see each other, though, right?
Yes, that's...
That's exactly what it means.
Why?
Because of everything that I just said.
Do you need me to say it again?
Can I see you tomorrow?
- No.
- Can I see you Thursday?
- No.
- Can I see you Friday?
Okay. 
You know what?
You have to go. 
Come on.
- I'll call you tomorrow.
- Okay. 
Okay. 
Just... 
Okay.
We'll talk about it later.
Oh, my God. 
What a moron.
Hey. 
Are you ready?
The meeting with Step's lawyer, or lawyers.
- It's today, remember? 
Now.
- Shit.
I should fire all 3 of you because you laughed at me when I bought those bus-bench ads.
But this Step guy? 
He's the Holy Grail.
You see, if both his balls had been knocked clean off, he'd be a good case, but not a great case.
A man with no balls is no man at all.
And a jury will never feel they can walk in the shoes of a ball-less, neutered, he-she freak.
But Step? 
He's got one ball, barely.
To a jury he's still a man, and that manhood is hanging on by a thread.
I'm telling you, this guy is a Powerball jackpot.
The fucking...
Hello. 
I'm Joe Adler.
- Hi, Joe. 
Brian. 
This is Joel.
- Nice to see you.
- How are you?
- Hi.
You see those guys up there?
I heard those are the guys from General Mills.
Look, if they're gonna sell this place and cash out and leave me with no job, then I should get some of that cash, man.
I mean, it's only fair.
I've been working here for, like, 2 years.
It's bullshit, man. 
I work my ass off.
Remember, Hector, I was telling you how hard I worked my ass off?
I've been working here 14 years.
We can get jobs at GemCo like that.
And at GemCo, all the employees are owners.
It even says so on the nametags.
But the thing is, I don't want to work at GemCo.
GemCo sucks, man.
They make you do calisthenics. 
Yeah.
That's right.
We could work at Southwest Airlines.
But I don't want to work at Southwest, either.
They make you do the limbo.
That is messed up.
Yeah, I would be the laughingstock of the grindcore community.
If we quit, this place couldn't run.
They wouldn't be able to sell this place for anything.
Well, that's why what we should do is, is we should all go on strike, demand stock in the company before it sells.
If General Mills knew that we were on strike, they would not buy this place until that strike was over.
See, that way, Joel and Brian would have to give us stock.
Yeah. 
We should do it.
We should strike.
That's what I've been saying this whole time.
We've gone through everything, and the only way we would even consider a settlement would be to the tune of the number you see on the bottom of Page 18.
Does everyone have this?
What?
We don't have this kind of money, not even close.
Not in cash, you don't. 
Of course not.
But if you were to sell off your assets, the property lease, the equipment...
Are you... 
Are you shitting me?
This would bankrupt us.
This is what I've been trying to tell you about, Joel.
If you think that I'm just going to give up this entire company that I've built from the ground up...
How about what my client gave up?
His testicles! 
How about that?
In fact, I'll make a deal with you.
We will drop this case right now if you come over here and put your testicles right here and let me slam this door like this!
Go ahead. 
We can settle this right now.
Call it even.
I will drop this case right now if you let me slam your balls in this door, because that's what happened to my client!
Yep. 
Those are definitely the guys from General Mills.
Now, you see that? 
That is a negotiation going on right there.
That is definitely what that looks like to me.
What are we going to do?
I got car payments.
They're going to take away my Geo.
They've done it before.
We got to act fast.
They could be about to close the deal.
Yeah, and leave us out in the cold.
Are we going to lose our jobs?
We very well could, Hector.
We need to do one of those walkouts.
That's what we need to do.
All right. 
Who's in? 
We need a show of force. 
Come on! 
It's now or never!
Come on, people.
Let's go! 
Come on! 
Let's do this! 
Yeah!
- Let's go.
- Let's do it.
I will gladly come down on that price if you go over there right now and slam your testicles in that door...
I don't want to slam my testicles in the door. 
I want you to be reasonable.
- You won't even budge one penny?
- Like I said, if you slam your...
I'll slam your balls in that door!
I'm sorry. 
Did you just threaten me?
- Why don't you give it a rest?
- We need to cool off for just a minute.
We'll be right back.
I don't need this. 
I'm going home.
Yeah, what?
What?
What's up, Joel?
Basically, we were...
We were thinking...
We were just thinking...
Well, Rory had initially pointed out that you guys are doing this deal with General Mills, and we just think that...
Well, we were considering the idea...
We think that maybe we should get a piece of it.
And, you know, so what we decided is...
What everybody has decided is that if we don't, then what we're gonna do is, we're gonna...
Hang on. 
You want a piece? 
Right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, if we could.
How about the whole goddamn company?
- Sure.
- You got it!
Everybody gets the whole place!
You guys run it, okay?
Everybody's in charge.
As of now. 
In fact, you guys can pay for the new conveyor belt and the lawsuit.
You can go meet with Adler, okay?
He might slam your balls in the door, but at least you'll be the boss. 
Okay?
So, was that good, or...
I was going to say more, but you interrupted me, and I...
Our lunch buffet features all the food you love at a great...
Vandella will make the turn, he moves to second.
He's got himself a double.
Big turn at second.
He throws on the brakes.
He'll stay there.
Well, he just turned on that pitch.
What can we say?
I think 4 innings is all Berot can handle, and he hasn't handled the 4th inning. 
With 2 doubles...
Listen, Joel, I need to tell you something.
You've been really busy at the factory for the last couple years, and ever since I started working at home, it seems like, I don't know, maybe I just wasn't feeling... as pretty as I used to feel, and I just...
- You banged the pool cleaner.
- What?
- Is that what you're trying to tell me?
You had sex with Brad.
- You knew?
- Yeah, I knew. 
I hired him.
Yeah, I know you hired him, but how did you know that...
I didn't hire him to clean the pool.
I hired him to have sex with you.
What?
Wait... 
Why?
I hired him to have an affair with you, because I wanted to have an affair and not feel guilty, but I was very, very drunk, and I was on some kind of a horse tranquilizer.
Brad was getting paid?
You paid Brad this whole time?
All 15 times?
15?
- Yes.
- Jesus Christ.
Has it even been 15 days?
Unbelievable.
How can you even sit down?
Wait, you wanted to have an affair with another woman?
Yes, but I didn't.
Why didn't you just talk to me about it?
I was going to, but, you know,
Dean, you know, he gave me some pill.
God, you asshole.
- I'm the asshole?
- Yes! 
I'm leaving.
Suzie, technically I didn't even do anything.
You could've just said, "No, thanks, just clean the pool. "
None of this would've happened if you hadn't hired him.
Hey, guys. 
Glad I caught you.
You guys hardly ever answer the door.
- Now's not a really good time.
- I'm leaving.
When do you think would be a good time, you think?
I don't know. 
I don't know.
- See, the thing is...
- How about tomorrow?
- You want to come by tomorrow?
- Great.
- Okay?
- What time?
I don't know. 
Just sometime tomorrow would be great.
Okay, great. 
So, if you could go and have that check, that would be great.
- It's 110.
- Okay.
- That's 2 plates at $55 a plate.
- Okay, okay.
- I'm going to close this.
- Okay.
- Joel?
- Hi.
Hey, what...
How did you know that I was here?
I'm actually staying here, too.
I thought I saw you, so...
Come in. 
Sorry.
Do you want something to drink?
I have soda.
No, thanks.
Listen, I am so sorry about what happened with Willie.
He gets crazy.
That's why I had to move out, so, have a seat.
That's Mary's purse, right?
Right there. 
That's Mary's purse, right?
No, that's my bag. 
So, wait. 
How are things at work? 
How is everybody?
This is Mary's purse, and you stole it.
Am I right?
Joel, that's my bag.
It probably just looks like hers.
You know, there's a lot of them out there.
I have never seen another one.
Or another teddy in a fucking tutu.
Now, what are you doing with Step?
You're the only reason that he's suing this company, right?
Do you have any idea how much work I put into building up that company?
Do you have any clue? 
Do you care?
I'm gonna go. 
I'm gonna take this.
If it really is your bag, you can call the police, you can tell them that I stole it.
All right?
On second thought, I'm gonna call them right now and I'm gonna tell them that you stole it.
- Joel, please don't.
- Why?
Joel, please don't call the police.
I'm on probation, and I will go to jail for a really long time.
Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you started ripping off my employees.
Joel, please? 
Listen, I promise you
I will leave Step alone and he will drop the lawsuit.
How do I know that?
You can keep the bag.
If I don't leave Step alone, if he doesn't drop the lawsuit, then you can turn me in.
Yeah, that...
And Sylvia's wallet and Jim's watch?
You got those? 
Can I have those, too?
I guess that works. 
I mean, great.
I bet you weren't even into food flavoring, were you?
What is your deal?
How do you end up like this?
Hey?
Hey? 
This is what I'm talking about.
This manipulation here with the tears.
I'm not gonna fall for that.
Forget it.
You better not be faking it, okay, because I'm actually feeling bad.
Hello?
Are you faking it?
Well, I'm sorry. 
You know, I just...
You know, I just...
I was just curious about how somebody ends up like this.
All right. 
Just...
Very sorry. 
Okay? 
Don't worry about it.
I just thought I'd just ask how a...
Cindy? 
Cindy?
Shit.
Who were you thinking of when we were making love last night?
Was it a good-looking stranger or a close friend of mine?
You didn't want to quit when we was into it last night
Joel hasn't been in all morning.
Can you believe that?
If we come in late, we get in trouble.
And Hector didn't steal it. 
Cindy did.
Can you believe that?
Blaming Cindy just to protect Hector.
Typical.
We really do need to go to the grocery store, Step.
You heard from Cindy lately?
It's been over 3 days since she borrowed your truck.
Maybe we ought to call the cops or something...
Look, she'll be back, all right?
She wouldn't steal my truck.
Okay.
That's the last bottle of Pepsi.
Maybe I'll just call Domino's and have them deliver some Pepsi.
Still, if she didn't steal your truck and she didn't get into an accident, what do you reckon...
Shut up about Cindy, already, before I kick your fat ass!
Domino's. 
Hello, Mr. Wilkinson.
Hello.
- Hey.
- Hey, Brian.
Step's here to see you.
Is he? 
Great. 
Bring him in.
He's outside at the loading dock.
He wants to talk to you alone out there for some reason. 
You know?
Man to man.
I'm sick and tired of dealing with that Adler fellow.
Truth is, I just want my old life back.
I just wanna get back to work.
You know? 
I'm a working man.
That's what I do.
The problem is, if I bankrupt the company, there won't be a job for me to go back to.
You don't have to bankrupt the company.
Well, if I drop the lawsuit, you'll sell the company, and the new company, well, who'd want to hire somebody with one ball?
Well, you know, listen, I don't think they're actually allowed to ask, so you're okay.
You know, I'm a working man, too, Step. 
You know?
I make extract. 
That's what I do.
You know? 
Vanilla.
Cherry. 
Root beer. 
S'mores.
And a lot of people don't think that that's very cool, but I think that it is pretty cool, so,
why would I want to sell this place?
I think that I just got distracted with Dean and the drugs and the gigolos and...
You know, what I'm saying is that I'm thinking about maybe not selling the company.
That is, if there isn't a lawsuit.
There is going to be that insurance money, Step, so what do you think?
Yeah, that sounds fair to me.
But under one condition.
What's that?
You make me floor manager.
Hold the line!
Thank you.
Okay.
Everybody gather around! 
Listen up!
Okay. 
First of all, I want to say that I've decided not to sell the company.
All right?
And, secondly, I'm making Step here the new floor manager.
Anybody doesn't like that, I hear they're hiring over at GemCo.
Remember, though, at GemCo, the owner doesn't know your names.
You'll probably never even meet him.
He's, like, in some corporate office somewhere.
Here, you know, I'm just upstairs.
You can come up there and you can tell me if you got a problem, okay?
That's all. 
Okay?
Step, the floor is yours.
You're not selling?
I'm not selling.
You better start learning their names, Brian.
- You just go off to work and do...
- Yeah.
Hey! 
You two get back to work!
Quit your yapping.
Dejen de parlotear.
Hey, man.
Look, I know you probably want to kick my ass.
I just wanted to tell you that I'm not gonna see Suzie anymore, so you don't have to worry.
She's really into you, dude.
I guess that's why she married you and shit.
Whatever.
You're a really lucky guy, and I'm sorry if I messed shit up.
Why'd you have to get hung up on Suzie?
You could have any girl you want.
Yeah, but I want Suzie.
I can't have her.
You had her 15 times.
Well, yeah.
But she doesn't love me, dude.
It's just not the same.
- Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that.
- All right. 
You told me.
All right. 
Later.
Hey, so, I was wondering, I quit my landscaping job, and I don't really think I'm cut out for the whole gigolo thing.
You know? 
So, do you think you might have, like, an opening or whatever at the extract plant?
I'm not going to give you a job. 
Okay?
Yeah. 
Sorry.
Or just come by the office and fill out an application.
I'll see what I can do, okay?
Cool. 
Thanks, man.
There he goes.
Johnny Horse-cock. 
Rolling.
You know, I'm starting to think this might have been a mistake.
- Really?
- Maybe it was my fault, you know?
- Maybe it was your fault.
- No, it's yours.
A lot of blame to go around here.
I think there are some people who just aren't meant to do drugs, Joel.
I think you're one of those people, man.
Hello?
Shit.
Why are you cleaning the pool yourself?
New guy didn't work out?
Yeah, no, didn't work out.
Boy, it's just hard to get good help, huh?
Yeah.
Hey. 
Did you get a chance to write that check?
Nathan, Joel and I are not going to that dinner. 
Okay?
Gee, I wish you would have told me that before I went and bought those tickets.
Joel never agreed to it, and neither did I.
Well, it sure sounded like you guys were coming.
I mean, Leslie was going to talk to you about it, but you don't return our calls.
I mean, I already bought those tickets, and they're non-refundable.
I really wish you guys had been a little more clear with me.
Well, then, let me be clear with you now.
When we say things like, "I don't think so,"
or "I'm not sure,"
or we close the door in your face, that means, "No. "
Why can't you get that?
- Well, it...
- Shut up! 
Okay.
Let me be even more clear with you, Nathan.
We don't like you.
Is that clear enough for you?
You're dull. 
You talk too much.
You never listen.
You're always in our yard.
I don't know what the hell you're barbecuing over there, but it stinks.
You lay out in your front yard and listen to your car radio!
You are the worst neighbor in the world.
We don't like you. 
Is that clear enough for you, Nathan? 
Is that clear?
Shut up!
Nathan?
Nathan? 
Nathan?
- Hi.
- Hi.
Are you okay?
I think I might have killed him, Joel.
The last thing he heard was me yelling at him to shut up.
Well, he did talk a lot.
Yeah. 
He was going on and on.
I finally lost it.
I'm sure it wasn't your fault.
Probably just a coincidence, you know.
I don't know. 
I just...
I still feel really guilty about it.
I actually told Leslie I would go to that Rotary Club dinner tonight.
She said Nathan would have wanted it that way.
I said I'd go to that, too.
So, who was this woman that you wanted to have the affair with, anyway?
She was just some criminal drifter.
It wasn't that great.
You know, I thought that she was really into food flavoring and...
- Really?
- Yeah, I should have known better.
Nobody's into food flavoring.
Well, I don't know.
I mean, you guys sell a lot of that stuff.
People are into it.
You should know, by the way,
I hired Brad.
Yeah, I know. 
You told me that, remember? 
The whole...
No, sorry, not for the sex thing or the pool.
I mean that I hired him for the factory.
Why? 
He's a total moron.
Yeah, I know.
This is going to sound kind of weird, but I felt sorry for him.
Yeah. 
So did I.
Well, my car's over here, so,
I guess I'll see you at the Rotary Club?
Yeah, I'll see you there.
Suzie?
Should we maybe just take one car?
Yeah. 
We probably should.
Yeah.
I thought that was a surprisingly tasteful funeral.
Yes, it was. 
You know, when I was looking down on him, I thought,
"This might be the longest I've ever seen him with his mouth shut. "
Yeah. 
I didn't expect that many mourners.
There were a lot of people there.
Yeah.
You have been a friend of mine, rainy day woman
That woman of mine, she ain't happy
Till she finds something wrong and someone to blame
If it ain't one thing, it's another one on the way
Hey. 
You've reached Cindy.
I'm not here, so leave a message.
Where the hell is she?
How long does it take to get some goddamned cigarettes around here?
Here you are, sir.
What the fuck?
Rainy day woman
I've never seem to see you for the good times or the sunshine
You have been a friend of mine, rainy day woman
Woman

This drama is based on fiction and any similarities to real people, places, or events are purely coincidental
Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Chul Young, kidnapped by Hyun Jun, comes to the decision to help Hyun Jun stop the war.
Seon Hwa and Hyun Jun run into Seung Hee at the bunker, where the bomb was assembled.
With Seung Hee's help in holding Sa Woo back, Seon Hwa and Hyun Jun make their escape.
Don't come any closer.
What made you change like that?
Chul Young agrees to Secretary Jeong appeal, for help to arrest Yeon Gi Hoon, who ends up being assassinated by another secret plan.
Jo Myung Ho has Baek San and Sa Woo arrested, in the hopes that they would be of help in locating the bomb.
Where is the bomb located?
With Chul Young's help, Seon Hwa and Hyun Jun figure out the bomb is planned to explode at Kwang Hwa Mun and head there...
Episode 17
This is the spot that overlaps from all the locations they've visited, per their navigation system.
Kwang Hwa Mun, Deoksukung,
NamDaemun Market, Seoul Station,
USO,
Yong San Station,
Central Public Museum,
War Memorial, US military base Yong San...
Kwang Hwa Mun.
Come with me!
Look in the cargo area!
The cargo!
I need everybody to please exit the bus now.
Exit the bus now!
It's not in the luggage area.
Run!
Ongoing crisis situation.
In the Kwang Hwa Mun Plaza...
[Live Gunfire battle breaks out in Kwang Hwa Mun Plaza] ...a gunfire battle has broken out, and many have been killed.
The shots are continuous, and the authorities have yet arrive.
[Police action delayed as number of fatalities continue to rise]
The area surrounding Kwang Hwa Mun has no communication signals and the reason has not yet been confirmed.
However...
We're... going to Kwang Hwa Mun.
This is happening live.
I'll go with you to the end.
Cap, I will also go with you to the end.
Get down!
Hwang Soo!
Get out of the way!
I'll cover you, the two of you get away!
Run!
Get away!
For people... of Joseon...
The President is entering.
I'm sure you were all shocked by the Kwang Hwa Mun incident, and probably have many questions.
I will now tell you, all that you want to know.
Who were the people involved?
They were, extremists of... the Labor Party of North Korea.
They'd planned... the terroristic act of blowing up a bomb at Kwang Hwa Mun, but our security knew about it, and was able to block the act, and all the terrorist members have been killed.
If extremists from the North, can enter our country and plan such an act in a public place such as Kwang Hwa Mun, shouldn't there be, further investigation to determine if their party has reinforcements here?
It is true that the terrorists were members of the Labor Party of North Korea, but we've confirmed, that the Minister of Defense was not involved.
Those terrorists came here to create chaos, with plans to use that as an excuse to start a war.
Their true intention was to carry out a coup d'état in the North, at the moment of the bomb explosion in Seoul.
I had been planning a summit conference with the North.
To ensure the success of the plan,
I had no choice but to keep it a secret, and I ask for your understanding in why I did so.
In light of what happened, are you planning to go through with the summit?
Yes.
It may be delayed a little from the original schedule, but I'm going to make certain this summit does, indeed, take place.
It's me.
The President has not changed his mind.
Yes.
He is planning to go through with the summit as planned.
With the latest incident, the NSS organization, as it currently operates, has lost the confidence of the National Assembly, and even the authority to continue operating in the current mode.
The President has taken this to heart and desires special conditions be placed on the organization if it is to continue operating.
There was no check and balance system to oversee the activities, and as such, it has rotted to the core.
The NSS whose head turned out to be a traitor, the NSS who was powerless to stop the terrorists and instead, opened the doors to them...
I will not, allow that to continue.
We will take strong action to cut off the rotten parts, and anyone who gets in the way of formation of a new organization will also be cut off..
Now, get back to your work.
How dare he come in here spouting off his threats?
Even the Director turned out to be a traitor.
So what is there that they won't do now?
Did I... say something wrong?
Everything he said in there, was right.
You know, stagnant water stinks.
We went along with...
Are you saying we stink?
Are you already calculating which rope to climb?
You must think that person in there is a strong rope, but to me, he looks pretty tattered.
You... don't know when your rope will break, so be careful as you...
Oh goodness,
I got poked!
Oh man, he drives me crazy.
Hoo boy, it's not going to be easy around here.
It's me.
What?
Okay.
We found out where Hyun Jun is being held.
Where?
The National Assembly investigation facilities.
Director Baek San and Jin Sa Woo are also being interrogated there.
Do you think...
I could see Hyun Jun?
Let's wait a little.
I hear the Blue House has showed continued interest in Hyun Jun, so we should hear something soon.
How is the investigation of IRIS going?
To identify who in the Blue House, and our government are members of IRIS, we need Baek San's cooperation, but thus far, we've had no luck.
Getting to the true core of IRIS, and how far its influence reaches, have not been determined yet.
If we can't find out who's giving orders to Baek San, they will continue to interfere with the summit.
We must find out who that is.
Yes, sir.
Oh by the way, where is Kim Hyun Jun?
He's being interrogated by the National Assembly.
You assassinated Yoon Sung Chul, then escaped from Hungary, passed through Russia, then went to Japan.
In Akita, Japan, you met up with Kim Seon Hwa, then through her, you hooked up with terrorist Park Chul Young.
Is that correct?
Yes.
That you knew they were North Koreans working underground, and still aligned yourself with them was to alienate yourself, from your country and you sought to take revenge against it.
Why did you do that?
The only thoughts I had were to take revenge against the country and Director Baek San who threw me away.
After failing to protect Yoon Sung Chul,
I was called back to North Korea, and subsequently, incarcerated.
Then you received orders to kill Kim Hyun Jun, so you went to Japan?
Yes.
You stated that you failed to kill Kim Hyun Jun, and ended up staying in the same house.
Can you tell me how that could have been possible?
Furthermore, you stated that you worked with Kim Hyun Jun, to stop the planned nuclear terrorism.
What reasons would cause you to point a gun at your fellow countrymen?
Tell me.
Now, let's talk about Jin Sa Woo.
Weren't you two, best friends from the time you were in the Special Forces?
Yes.
But he tried to kill you.
When do you think Jin Sa Woo became a part of IRIS?
I don't know.
Was he really your friend?
What do you know about Jin Sa Woo?
Tell me whatever you know.
You were always like that.
You never knew anything about me.
Because of you, do you know how much pain I've suffered?
Because of you, do you know what I had to give up?
You never had any idea.
What difference does it make for you to know since when?
How could that mean anything at this point?
I went to kill you, and from that moment, you ceased to exist in my heart!
She's an employee at the company of my hometown friend.
I can't talk because I'm trembling so much.
She's completely my style.
She's a killer.
Why are you doing this to us?
Your pain during that brief time, was probably quite extreme.
Just think of it, as a rite of passage to becoming NSS agents.
There's already someone that you've avowed your love for, for the rest of your life.
The one you met in graduate school a while back.
That was Seung Hee.
It wasn't until the day we went to Vice Director's house for dinner, after Hyun Jun joined the NSS, that we became close.
That day...
It's because that was the day of our first kiss.
I'm sorry.
This was an order.
If you were me, you would've...
Do you know what I'm really afraid of?
The fact that I pulled you into NSS.
I thought of you as more than a hometown friend,
I thought of you as my younger brother.
Please don't say any more.
Tell me.
Why are you doing this?
For whom, for what are you doing this?
!
Hurry up and tell me, since when.
When you pulled the gun on me in Hungary, what were you then?
Were you a member of IRIS... or were you my friend?
You spilling your heart now, what would that change?
If I understand the reasons for your actions, what would that change?
Even if Hyun Jun forgives you,
I will never forgive you.
It's so peaceful, as if nothing ever happened here.
If that nuclear bomb did explode...
I don't even want to imagine it.
You've done far more than your duty, in blocking that terroristic act.
If you're, holding on to any feelings of guilt over the assassination of Yoon Sung Chul or attacking NSS with the terrorists, it'll be good for you to shake it off.
Oh, right.
I now owe you twice for my life.
Let's sit.
We've crossed a major hurdle, but there is still much work to be done.
The list you mentioned, of the IRIS members that are not complete, trying to get the information out of Baek San has not been successful.
I'm hoping you can get it done.
To ask you to relive the nightmare you've suffered might be asking for too much.
But if we can't identify all the members of IRIS, it may make it difficult for me to accomplish what I have planned.
Currently, you're the best candidate to get the job done.
I would like to ask you to do this.
I have a request to make of you.
What is it?
Tell me whatever it is you want.
Please sit.
Should you need my help with anything, press the button underneath the desk.
I'm sure there's a lot you want to say.
Don't beat around the bush and let's get started.
Do you want me to start?
I'm sure you've met Dr. Yoo Jeong Hoon, and since you've looked at the file in my NSS storage,
you must know as much as you could about me.
As you already know,
I killed your parents.
I wasn't given the reason for why I had to kill them, just the order itself.
Was it IRIS that gave you the order?
It turned out to be so, but, at the time,
I didn't know anything about IRIS.
Just like when you received your order to kill Yoon Sung Chul,
I also thought, it was for my country and NSS.
But... the order I received,
was to kill you as well.
I disobeyed that order, and saved your life.
Why did you?
Why did you save my life?
I'm not sure.
As you live life, there are times, when you just want to do something without any special reason for it.
Your life became as I had designed.
Your life should have ended already, but the fact that you're here now,
is because of me.
If you were responsible for my life, why did you throw me away?
Asking me that, is the same as, asking me to tell you everything about the organization I serve.
That is, a secret that I must take, to my grave.
Tell me!
Tell me why you saved my life then threw me away!
Tell me quickly!
Take him away.
Ah,
I will tell you one thing.
You were being punished for eating, the forbidden fruit.
The life I designed for you, did not allow for you to do that.
In your current emotional state,
I don't think you'll be able to meet with Jin Sa Woo.
No, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Bring Jin Sa Woo.
What is this about?
Kim Hyun Jun wanted to see you.
I have nothing to say.
Let's go.
Sa Woo.
If you believe that, our relationship was real for even one second,
please don't make me more pathetic than I already am.
Please.
Please.
It's okay to let him sit.
These are the results of the interrogation up to now.
In 1995, when the 6th Corp of Army, attempted the coup d'état,
I recall you to be the person to lead the army in that attempt
as well as, being the person, who initiated the act in the first place.
This latest coup attempt, no one caught on until the very last moment.
What do you believe to be the reason for that?
Could it be because you, as the Supreme Commander of Security, were working with Minister Yeon Gi Hoon?
I will ask you for the record, are you a part of IRIS?
I don't know anything about, what you've just stated.
Let me ask you again, in our Party, who else are receiving orders from IRIS?
I don't know what you're talking about.
The way you're trembling, you look like a rain-drenched puppy.
You're going to die anyway.
Isn't it humiliating for you to be so stubborn to the end?
You...
If I were you, I would, act like the soldier that I am
and die upholding the code of honor.
I will ask for the final time, who in our Party receives orders from IRIS?
What's happening with Kim Seon Hwa?
With the support of the South Korean President,
I believe she will be released shortly.
But when she returns here, surely she can't avoid the due process?
We'll have to do what we can to stop it.
May we have some time alone?
We have to leave soon.
Please make it short.
You could have stayed here... or have chosen to go to another country.
I know that you've made a special request to the President on my behalf.
But,
I'm going home.
You don't have anyone there...
Not your mother, not your brother.
Isn't that the same for me here?
Chasing you through, the snow storm in Akita,
seems like just yesterday.
That day...
In that mountain cabin, the butter coffee you made for me...
I don't think I'll ever forget the taste of it.
I...
Would it be okay for me to ask for a favor?
Thinking about it, I realized, that you've never called me,
by my name.
If it weren't for you,
I would never have made it to this point.
Thank you for being with me.
Seon Hwa.
It's time to leave.
I love you still
I miss you much
Is it not possible for you to come to me?
}I love you, can't you come to me?
I miss you so much that I think I might die
I don't have the strength to cast off this pain
Please come to me.
I love you.
This is your final chance.
He's in Japan right now.
Go get him.
What is the reason you're doing this for me?
I came here to kill you.
So, why...?
What is your reason?
Why do you have to do this?
I'm sorry for causing you pain
I will live, keep your heart safe forever
I can't stop the love from flowing from my heart
Don't try so hard for me anymore.
I don't think it's possible for me to be without you.
Please come to me. 
I love you.
You are now free to go.
When your parents died, they were cremated, and their ashes scattered in the Buk Han River.
This should, tell you the location of that spot.
Director Baek San asked to, pass this on to you.
Director.
Is there something wrong?
You didn't even attend the meeting.
You're really acting strange today.
What's wrong with you?
Hey, Mi Jeong...
That...
Minister of National Security or whatever...
I don't think I can work with him.
I mean... "don't do this, don't do that"... what am I supposed to do?
What is he not allowing you to do?
Monitoring my stocks.
He just blocked all access to it.
Do you know how far down I am on my stocks?
Just give me the report on the analysis.
Oh!
Mi Jeong!
You can unblock me on the server, right?
No, I can't.
From now on, I'm not going to do anything that I'm not permitted.
Hey, Mi Jeong.
Mi Jeong.
Just this once.
Hey, Mi Jeong!
Hey, Mi Jeong!
Just this one time.
No, I can't.
Mi Jeong!
- No, I can't.
Come on, just this...
You!
You really did come back alive.
Have you been well?
Me? 
What's there to well about?
I'm just getting along.
Have you been well?
Yes.
I knew your life wouldn't be easy just by the shape of your face but...
Wow, who knew you'd go through all that!
He's here.
Hyun Jun sunbae is here.
Sunbae!
You've been good?
You're here?
Okay.
Then good luck to all of you.
I've got things to do.
How have you all been?
Let's save the greetings for later, and take care of business first.
How can an NSS agent such as yourself, not be able to conceal your emotions?
What's wrong with me?
It's written all over your face,
I 
- Love 
- You 
- Kim 
- Hyun 
- Jun!
Regardless, it's been a long time since I've seen such a happy expression on your face.
Hello.
I don't know the reason for the President's special favor with you, but personally, I, find it hard to understand your previous actions.
If you have any thoughts to attack NSS, know that I will not stand for it.
Kim Hyun Jun was,
NSS' top agent.
Additionally, during the recent terrorist attack...
Isn't it a fact, that you were a part of the team, that planned it?
That's a situation, you should examine once again.
His views are a bit cynical.
Everyone's suffering under him so try, and be understanding.
There's a lot I'm curious about, and I have a million things to say, but we'll take our time with it.
For now, get some rest.
I'll let the others know as much.
Yes, sir.
Section Chief, do you know of the dead spot that our close-circuit monitoring system doesn't cover?
No.
Well, I think Kim Hyun Jun sunbae knows where.
Team Leader Choi Seung Hee asked you to meet her there.
Oh, these two...
What are you going to do there?
I'd like to know that myself.
You don't have to worry about your surroundings.
This is the only area within NSS, that isn't monitored by CCTV.
Ahh, yes.
So is there, something you have to tell me in secret?
Kim Hyun Jun.
Do I seem easy to you?
Or, does the NSS organization seem like a joke to you?
I'm your superior, and the NSS absolutely will not tolerate personal relationships between agents.
Keep that in mind.
Do you know why I entered the NSS?
The reason I entered NSS was...
I looked at this dangerous and complicated organization quite simply.
I thought, "So if I just risk my life,
I can continue doing something I find exciting, something that feels like my destiny.
I...
From the very first moment I met you in the lecture hall,
I've never once thought you were easy.
And...
This... is not a joke to me.
Is there something you need to tell me in secret?
What were you thinking?
About that time, when I brought you here for the first time.
You said, "The reason I entered NSS was..."
"I looked at this dangerous and complicated organization quite simply."
"So if I just,"
"...risk my life,"
"I can continue doing something I find exciting,"
"something that feels like my destiny."
You said those words to me.
Do you remember?
Yes.
Do you still feel the same way?
I don't know.
I'm saying things that are unnecessary.
I heard you were interrogated by the Assembly.
Let's just rest for now
You look really tired.
I lasted a day because you said you loved me.
I lasted a month because
Of that gaze staring at me.
I'll love you, I'll wait for you.
The house is a total mess.
The words I couldn't say, the words I wanted to say
I'll say them now.
I love you.
Why are you standing there so awkwardly?
You act like you've never been here before.
Let's think about dinner first.
What should we have for dinner?
Oh, squash patties.
We can do that.
And Soybean paste stew.
We have toasted seaweed and, oh, we can make egg custard...
That I can have moments like this again,
I could never have imagined it.
I keep thinking it's a dream that I'll wake from, and that scares me.
The dream, is what you went through.
And this is the absolute reality.
It won't vanish so you can rest easy.
If we had met and loved during different times, different place would we be happy right now?
For the rest of my life
It should have been you
But now it will only be my staggering figure
Since I can't hate you
Or forget you
Hyun Jun, dinner's ready.
I guess
There's nothing left for me to do,
Other than to love you.
Hyun Jun.
Hyun Jun.
If I can for just one day let my heart rest,
Forget you and breathe a little easier.
For the rest of my life it should have been you,
I guess there's nothing left for me to do, other than to love you.
You're really not going to tell me what happened to you?
Forget it if you don't want to.
What are you doing?
You'll break open your wounds.
I have a favor to ask of you.
What is it?
Tell me.
There is still no progress from interviewing Baek San.
So we haven't been able to identify any more members?
That's correct.
What about from anyone on the list, from Kim Hyun Jun?
They've all left the country.
I believe, perhaps we need to change the focus of our investigation.
We will focus on areas other than the government and, look for people that worked with Baek San.
By other areas, what do you mean specifically?
Well, I suppose we'll have to look at other people with security clearances.
I understand the officials from the North will be returning.
Yes.
We're currently looking at the middle of next month for the summit.
Please take special care to not allow anything to change our plans.
Yes, sir.
You're acting strange.
What?
How?
You're acting like a person being chased.
Is something wrong?
No.
Section Chief!
Eh?
Oh?
I'll unblock your access on the server.
What did you just say?
Really?
Okay, so if you do that,
I'll give you a great stock tip.
I'll help you make a lot of money, I will.
I don't have any interest in that.
Just give me your key card for the main server.
Why?
Because I don't have the authority to access the main server.
Oh, right.
That's right.
Keep this a secret just between us!
The Assembly sent the transport plans for Baek San and Jin Sa Woo.
The convoy will have top level security.
Is there anything we should do?
Until the transport is successfully completed,
NSS won't have to do anything.
By the way, where is Kim Hyun Jun?
Why are you asking for him?
There was a request, to include him on the transport security team.
I think that might be difficult.
I believe it would be better to leave him alone for the time being.
I didn't really like the idea of it anyway.
Okay, let him do that.
When did you get up?
Just now.
Do you know how many hours you've slept?
Exactly, 33 hours.
I kept thinking there was something wrong.
You just wouldn't wake up.
Aren't you hungry?
I'm hungry.
Very.
Wait just a bit.
I'll make something good for you.
How could you sleep for so long?
It must be because there were no nightmares.
Ever since I left Hungary, it was hard to sleep even for 2 hours.
Even if I did sleep,
I kept having these dreadful nightmares.
That's all because of me.
I prayed that you wouldn't have any nightmares.
I just got some vacation time.
Do you want to go somewhere?
Where?
Anywhere as long as it's a place, you can rest at.
Before we go, there's someplace we need to stop by.
Where is that?
I was waiting for you.
What is all this?
Reward for accepting, my request.
Sit.
Okay.
When your parents died, they were cremated, and their ashes scattered in the Buk Han River.
What is your name?
Kim Hyun Jun.
The... the thing I asked for.
I set it up so you can get to it from my PC.
I saved the code on this.
Thank you.
Mommy!
Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad
Main Translator: songbird
Timer: sweet`dreams.
Editor/QC: ay_link
Coordinators: mily2, ay_link
When you were captured, you were released with just one phone call.
Aren't you curious as to why you were released?
I don't want to return... to South Korea.
Is it because of Kim Hyun Jun?
Peggy is waiting for you.
You must go, with me.

* i'm crazy * * crazy about you * * make sure that you have the best in life *
I think i saw a cop.
* cause i'm crazy *
(low buzz of chatter)
We gotta hold 'em back.
Wordsworth:
mister, out.
Nobody move!
(shot fires, guests scream) come here.
come here.
stop!
Don't move.
Mmm...
God, this is so good.
It is like...
dissolving right now;
It's like melting onto my tongue.
(chuckles)
Here.
No, it's all yours.
Let me get this out of your way.
Oh, actually,
I think she's still working on it.
Are you?
are you still working on it?
Well, yes, um...
Yes, i am still working on it.
You remember?
Yeah.
You know much...
trouble i got in
Letting you sit there everyday for three hours
With that one cup of coffee?
I was still working on it.
Besides, with a view like you,
Who wants to move?
I get to look at you all night.
All night.
(sighs) are you okay?
(groans) i'm good.
I'm good, just, uh... just tingly.
You know, it's... it's weird.
(glass shatters)
Can i help you?
I'm gonna go to the ladies.
(pained exhale)
If i'm not back in ten...
I'll send in the hounds.
(patrons whisper disapprovingly)
(classical music plays quietly)
(gasps) god.
This place is so beautiful.
I bet even the...
bathroom's are beautiful.
Enjoy your meals.
I'm sorry about that.
I'll get your bill.
Mm...
No dessert menu?
Hey, hey, um...
Team five is still on that motel standoff;
You guys mind sticking around until they get back?
Yeah, no problem.
Guys, you copy that?
Team:
copy. copy that.
Shelly, i'm gonna be late tonight.
Let me say goonighght to the girls?
Soph, yeah, gotta little bit of ot.
Yeah.
All right, save me some.
Hey.
I'm good, thanks.
Yeah, we have to postpone tonight.
(tight inhale, chuckles)
I'm sorry.
(cell phone rings)
Lewis:
hello?
spike:
hey, lou.
sorry, bud.
I might be a little held up at work.
Oh, it's okay.
at least you called.
Woman:
(confused) i have to...
Yeah, i have to...
Go this way.
this is the door.
restaurant patron:
miss? 
are you okay, miss?
Don't tell me...
mom, i have to go.
I have to go, i-i wanna go home.
waiter:
your friend needs help in the bathroom.
after that, you pay and leave.
Woman:
don't tell mom.
don't tell mom.
I have to go... this way.
(stammers) i have to get out of here.
Laura?
I have to go...
laura.
(exhales)
(disbelieving laugh)
It's okay, baby, come here.
I'm sorry.
(half laughs)
It's okay.
Hey.
Do you still need to use the bathroom
Or are you done?
no, um...
I'm good.
'kay.
You know what?
let's just go.
What, without paying?
What? 
you mean, after they were so nice to us?
Laura:
(half laughs)
This "bad boy" side of you?
I kind of like it.
Well, the night's still young.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
Next?
next.
Let's go.
(exhales)
(gasps)
laura:
what's left on the credit card?
Not that much.
The guy's gone and doubled the price.
Maybe we could look at another one?
No.
Are you kidding?
no, that's not the point.
(exhales) i don't know...
Lo, listen.
I made you a promise and i'm keeping it.
Well, i guess he shouldn't have boosted the price.
No, he shouldn't have boosted the price.
Especially today.
Why don't you go talk to him?
Hi.
Excuse me?
I'm looking to buy a watch.
Um... can you show me what you have with the... i'm sorry, i forgot what they call them.
The uh...roman numerals.
ro-roman numerals.
Um, something... not too flas..
uh, maybe... uh, can i see this one?
What is that, what is that?
is that mother of pearl?
What's your price range?
well, we're in the, uh...
Hey!
stop!
Don't move!
don't move.
Call 911.
man:
sir?
Sir, please put down that gun.
male clerk:
no, not this time.
not this time.
This is the fourth time this month
And i am not taking it!
woman clerk: (on phone) we're being robbed.
(shot fires, glass shatters)
(terrified screams)
Help!
Put it down.
i said, put the gun down!
Do what he says.
Let her go.
female clerk:
(crying)
Don't make me do this.
Let her go.
I don't wanna hurt your wife.
They want money, just give it to them
Hey, we're short on time here.
Just put the gun down and let us go.
(sobbing)
(gun clunks on display case)
Okay, son,
I put it down,
Let her go.
Lo, get the gun.
get the gun.
Male clerk:
let her go, son.
please, son, let her go.
please.
please, son, let her go.
please.
Female clerk:
(frighteneyelp)
You know,
You're short on time, too.
What are you gonna do with what you've got left?
Flashpoint 2x12 Last Dance
Sync by honeybunny winnie:
team one, hot call.
gear up, guys, shots fired.
robbery at 2110 church.
One male, one female.
subjects believed to be high-risk and under the influence.
Winnie, let's see if there are any other reports in the area.
winnie:
copy, boss.
(traffic rumbles loudly)
Okay, next.
(excited laughter)
(sighs)
Lo, you still with me?
laura?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
(siren wails)
(vehicle screeches to a halt) parker:
inspector.
What do you got?
Stainton:
suspects fled in a gold sedan, they got a .357 magnum,
And we just put out an apb.
Gun's theirs?
no, it's the shopkeeper's.
A .357?
people these days.
Well, they said they were robbed 3 times the last month.
Ed:
okay.
Okay, guys?
Subjects have fled the scene and they are armed.
We need you to stay on the road.
We got an apb on a gold sedan.
Repeat, apb on a gold sedan.
Copy that.
ed:
they're close.
We might be looking at a moving takedown.
You got an id?
No. there's no camera in the shop.
Eddie, see what you can get out of mr. and mrs. .357, will you?
(cell phone rings)
Parker.
Winnie:
boss, no other calls in the area.
Just a dine and dash,
But it matches the description.
i got a waiter on the line, if you wanna talk to him.
Okay.
thanks, winnie.
Putting him through.
Hey, i'm sergeant greg parker,
I'm with the police strategic response unit.
What can you tell me about these people?
They're in their late 20's, i guess.
parker:
do you remember what were they wearing?
Yeah, she was in a...
purple dress,
He was in a blue suit.
Maybe, um... "5'9, "5'10.
You ask me, they were high.
Can you describe their state of mind?
Um, like laid, crack thieves,
They come in here all the time.
Yeah?
how were they behaving?
They were making the other customers uncomfortable.
ed:
can you be more specific?
Intense.
Really out of it.
Glassy-eyed, knocking things over.
Off-balance.
Her speech was a bit slurry.
And the woman apparently had a fit in the bathroom.
female clerk:
just before they left,
He was going on about being short on time.
male clerk:
yeah, um...
"what are you gonna do with what you've got left"?
What'd they take?
Art deco ring, five diamonds.
ed:
they didn't grab anything else on the way out?
No, they knew you guys were coming.
Okay, thanks for your help.
What's your take, eddie?
Looking like substance abuse.
Looking like, huh?
Well, they could've cleaned out the whole place,
But they didn't.
Stainton:
we got a foot cop saying he just saw a gold sedan
Going north on yonge above charles.
Okay.
ed:
wordy, what's your twenty?
Parker:
we'll send you a postcard, inspector.
stainton:
all right.
Maybe we should stop now
And get home?
Do you see any cops?
(exhales) not yet.
Okay, then we're okay.
Unless there were cameras at that place.
So, you really don't think they can track us down?
I don't want to risk being at home if they do.
But if we can't get home then...
Then the plan changes.
But we don't, we don't have...
Yeah, so, we improvise.
Okay?
Laura?
Laura!
laura!
hey.
lo, you're back.
Breathe.
Laura:
(heavy breaths)
Breathe.
I'm, i'm okay.
You're okay.
i'm okay.
You're fine.
i am...
Oh!
(tires screech)
(loud crunch) man:
are you okay?
Are you okay?
yeah?
Laura:
i'm okay.
Man:
we gotta get out of here.
Female bystander:
are you okay?
male crash victim:
hey! 
look at this!
Are you all right?
Crash vicitim:
yeah, i'm all right.
but look what you did to my car!
Come on, come on.
i mean, look at this.
You're okay?
Hey!
(tires screech, horn blasts)
Driver:
hey, what do you think you're doing?
!
parker:
so what substances are you guys thinking?
Could be cocaine.
or meth.
With hallucinations?
jules:
goes with a high dose.
Parker:
you dress up, you go out to dinner,
And then you try to rob a pawn shop.
A fun friday night.
parker:
i don't know.
(low hum of chatter)
Taxi!
Taxi!
(cars honk)
(tires squeal)
winnie:
team one, we got something.
Hit and run involving a gold sedan,
Bloor and parliament.
Subjects abandoned their vehicle,
And flagged an oakwood taxi, going west on bloor.
Winnie, alert all units in the area:
Eyes open for flashing emergency lights
On an oakwood taxi.
parker:
and no sirens.
sru intervention only.
We're considering this a mobile hostage situation
With possible drug users.
We do not want to provoke the subjects.
You got it, no sirens, sru only.
And, winnie,
Let's track the gold sedan's licence plates,
See who we're looking for.
Or we put a call into the oakwood dispatch,
See if we can tap into the fleet's gps.
Track 'em down that way?
Ooh, these kids and their toys.
(traffic hums)
I don't feel...
I don't feel well;
my head is spinning.
Ramesh, we need to go faster.
I can't legally go faster than this, sir.
What, what are we gonna do?
Hey, no one's following us.
we're okay.
Nothing changes, lo.
Okay.
winnie:
we got a name.
we got a name on the owner of the sedan.
Evan hewson, 28.
No criminal record.
address: 1382 emilia street.
with common-law partner laura scheinmann, 29.
her record's clean also.
Boss, that's five minutes away from here.
Want some help on the profile?
Yeah, that'd be good.
i'll drop her off and catch up with you.
parker:
copy.
You don't wanna come with?
When we do a rolling stop, we'll need the extra vehicle.
Okay.
just as well.
Wouldn't wanna get you in trouble
With the little lady.
Remind me, who dumped who, again?
Here, pull over here.
What are we doing?
we can't go home.
Yeah.
but we can get some here.
(vehicle door opens) laura:
ev.
It'll be okay.
I'll be right back.
(door shuts)
(vehicles rumble past)
Is everything all right?
A... headache.
I-i just... have a headache.
ramesh:
your friend has gone to get you something.
Yeah.
(machine beeps)
No, don't touch that!
Look, i know you're just trying to do the right thing,
But there is something that i need to tell you.
Can please...
please listen?
When i'm done,
You can do whatever it is you need to do.
Just... please.
dispatch:
car t6211, call in.
Please listen.
dispatch:
t6211, ramesh, call in.
spike:
i've got oakwood taxi's gps tracking patched in.
you are looking at the entire active downtown fleet.
No unusual activity reported,
No crisis signals activated.
(car door shuts)
(vehicle speeds forward) spike:
i don't like it.
If i got my taxi hijacked,
The first thing i'd do is send the alarm code to dispatch.
Unless you've been forced out of the car.
Well, then i'd have phoned it in by now.
Maybe you're driving under threat.
Or worse.
Thanks, ramesh.
I believe this is yours?
dispatch:
t6211, call in.
repeat. car t6211, ramesh, calln.
Lo-lo, i love you.
Lo-lo, i love you.
Woman:
i've known them about 9 years, since they moved in upstairs.
What kind of tenants are they?
Quiet.
not a lot of company.
They don't play any loud music.
Jules:
any trouble with the rent?
Woman:
uh, they missed this month.
Is that the first time?
Woman:
no, usually they call first.
um...
I don't know what's going on with them.
Any recent changes in their work situation?
As far as i know
He's still working at the hospital.
He's an intern.
Uh, laura tutors english, but that comes and goes.
Lots of dots.
They won't get far.
(phone rings)
Stainton.
What's up, inspector?
stainton:
looks like our friends just robbed a drugstore.
Not what i was hoping to hear.
Are you aware of any drug problems?
No, they're...
regular people.
All right, stop me if anything rings a bell:
mood swings, either direction,
Volatility, depression,
Confusion, secretiveness.
Yeah, secretive.
Well, they scoot by the door
Like they don't want me to see them.
Last time i saw them, they looked tired.
Depressed.
You know, dark circles under the eyes.
From st. simon's.
Is that where evan works?
Hey, sarge.
Hey, jules, we just got word
That bonnie and clyde have stolen syringes and morphine
From a drugstore.
Well, i just found their home supply.
One syringe and two vials.
So, morphine.
'kay.
as addictive as heroin
And tolerance develops real fast.
jules:
yeah, withdral's are nasty.
Irrational and violent until they get what they need.
so, we know the substance.
Now we gotta know the people underneath.
Okay, keep me posted.
jules:
got it.
Spike:
boss, i think i got 'em.
Car t6211.
Going west on bloor, st passed jane street.
Dispatch says he's not responding to radio.
Car t6211, subject acquired.
Moving takedown, maximum caution.
Let's move it, guys.
no sirens, residential area.
we don't want to trigger a high speed pursuit.
Lewis: copy.
sam: copy that.
You remember that night at... the old mill?
(half laughs)
Your mom made you ask me to dance.
I'm glad she did.
It's all gone by pretty fast.
Yeah.
There it is.
(exhales) like it was yesterday.
You see that?
Yeah.
We could come at 'em from both sides.
wordy approach the driveway from the west,
We'll take east with sam.
sam: copy.
we got 'em.
ed:
he's coming towards us, let's block it off.
(vehicles speed up, tires squeal)
Parker:
get out of the car!
do it now!
Ed:
hands up!
do it now.
move towards me.
do it now!
Wordsworth:
move forward, sir.
do it now!
parker:
hands on the hood!
do it now!
Thank you!
Nah, they're not here.
ed:
you had two passengers in your car:
A male and female, late 20's?
Ramesh:
yes.
Wordsworth:
well, where are they?
Ramesh:
they've gone in there.
Spike, work the truck.
Spike:
copy.
(guests chatter loudly)
Female receptionist:
can i help you with something?
Oh, no.
Are you with the wedding party?
Oh, we were just looking around.
To book something in the future or...
Uh, yeah, to book something.
Female receptionist:
okay, well, it's little late,
But i can schedule you a consultation.
Let's see what we have here.
Are you looking to book a summer wedding or...?
ed:
let's go, guys.
Let's move it, let's move it, let's move it.
What is this place?
A popular wedding spot
A target rich environment.
I got onboard security snapshots from the taxi coming at you.
parker:
thank you, spike.
Ed:
how're you doing?
Officer wordsworth?
wordsworth:
(quietly) yeah.
Hi.
We have a security threat in your building.
We want you and your staff to lock down all the exits,
But we don't wanna trigger panic among your guests.
All right.
parker:
okay, we're looking for a young couple in their late twenties,
Formally dressed, possibly under the influence.
That's most of our guests.
parker:
that help?
They were just here a second ago.
How many rooms in the facility?
There's six reception rooms, they're all in use.
excuse me.
* you can trust in me and believe in me * * i'll see u all the way through * * because i'm crazy, crazy about you *
* i used to be lonely * * nothing special at all *
(room buzzes with chatter) * ...now that i * * let's have a quick review *
Female receptionist:
there's one room just to the left
And there's another room straight ahead.
parker:
thank you, ma'am.
Now just stay right up against the wall,
Right here.
Guests:
(confused murmurs)
Sam:
it's all clear back there.
There's another room over here.
There any other entrances?
Yeah, just around the west corner over there.
Sam, wordy.
boss?
parker:
let's go.
(big band music continues) * i'm crazy... *
I think i saw a cop.
* crazy about you *
Evan:
okay.
Keep dancing.
follow me.
Lo.
It's up to you.
Same plan, just faster.
Get out now!
let's move.
We gotta hold 'em back.
Mister, out.
Nobody move!
(shot fires, guests scream and holler) evan:
stop! 
don't move!
(panicked screams)
All of you, over here!
Over here! 
over here!
now!
Parker:
it's all right, just do as he says!
evan:
all right, link arms.
Link arms. stay together and don't look back.
parker:
evan hewson, laura scheinmann, this is greg parker.
I'm with the police strategic response unit.
spike:
8:44 pm,
Armed hostage taking.
sergeant parker begins negotiation with subjects evan hewson and laura scheinmann.
parker:
and we're gonna talk and we're gonna... figure a way out of this.
how does that sound?
(music continues to play) * crazy for you * parker:
evan, i'm gonna turn the music off,
So i can hear what you have to say.
okay?
mr. d.j.?
!
turn the music off and get outta here!
(music shuts off abruptly) parker:
thank you.
Okay, evan and laura?
you wanna take about what brought us here today?
Get it ready.
What do you mean?
Parker: evan?
evan: keep your distance!
Sierra one, in position.
(light switch clicks)
Landlord:
whoa.
Oh my god, that's me.
Boss, there's more to this.
What do you have?
jules:
laura's office.
Battlefield. reminders.
sticky notes everywhere like she's fighting to remember stuff,
Like she's, uh...
like she's losing it.
Okay, go through it, jules.
see if we can find out what she's trying not to forget.
Got it.
Spe, bring in the cabbie.
And see if you can track down any family.
Copy.
I-i don't recognize these people.
do you know who they are?
evan:
it's just you and me, lo.
What are you doing with a gun?
Evan:
no, no.
Parker:
is everything okay, evan?
laura:
i wanna go home.
I wanna go home.
(crying)
I wanna go...
(breaks down into tears) 'cause it looks like laura could use some help.
I hear you two stopped off at a pharmacy, you picked up some things.
you wanna talk about that?
sam:
sierra one, no shot.
obstruction.
jules:
hey, sarge, i got an appointment four days ago
At st simon's hospital.
(reading) "personal."
With a phone number for a dr. fylin.
Give me the number, jules.
You know, i really want to get your friend some help, evan.
Evan:
we don't need your help!
We just need to be left alone!
Okay, why's that?
Just... 10 minutes.
We just need 10 minutes, that's it.
10 minutes alone...
Then idoesn't matter.
Tell me what that means, evan.
ed:
so you weren't driving under duress?
They didn't threaten you?
No, sir.
Were they using drugs?
no.
You see a lot of people go through your cab, right?
What's your take on theses two?
I know what people who are high look like.
How they smell, how they talk.
These two...
Right, go on.
She said they were short on time.
She said it was their last night.
They wanted to dance together.
They wanted to dance and that's it?
The rest is not for me to say.
Okay.
guys, the cab driver's saying the same thing 
That the couple in the pawn shop said;
That they are "short on time."
spike:
boss, she's not on morphine, it's not about getting high.
That doctor's appointment?
it was with a neurology clinic.
It took a bit of twisting,
But i got dr fylin to release the diagnosis.
Laura has cjd.
creuzfeld-jakob disease.
Slurred speech, dizziness, hallucinations.
A brain disorder.
Spike, i need to know more.
I'm on it.
(keyboard keys clack)
Jules, how much morphine is in those vials?
120 milligrams.
That's a lethal dose.
spike:
she has spontaneous cjd.
it's very rare.
It's like one in a million.
Your brain starts literally disintegrating.
there's no treatment, there's no known cure.
You can go from diagnosis to death
In the space of two weeks.
It gets worse by the day.
laura's losing her memory, her balance,
Her motor skills, all her major brain functions.
Ed:
cab driver said all they wanted to do was dance.
And then they were gonna go home for the morphine
And that's how the night was supposedo enen
Yeah.
but they couldn't go home,
So he robbed a pharmacy.
parker:
and now he's asking for 10 minutes.
10 minutes for the dose to take effect.
sam, keep your eyes on him.
both of 'em.
sam:
copy.
(exhales forcefully)
Laura, can you hear me?
i'm getting a better understanding of... 
At you went through today.
we know you're sick.
Are you back?
yeah.
Parker:
i can't imagine what that must be like.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna keep him talking.
Can you get it ready, can you do that, lo?
Yeah.
Parker:
that you and evan are very strong
And you're very brave.
You're not gonna take us apart.
Boss, she's opening her bag.
What do you see?
sam:
she's doing something inside it.
It's the morphine.
they're cutting to the chase.
Ed, what's your take?
Sam, you got the shot?
sam:
multiple hostages, it's high-risk.
Less lethal, n you do it?
Do we wanna do it?
There's a risk we hit the hostages.
We go less lethal, we're looking at an injury.
We let her do what she wants to do
And we are looking at a death.
we can't let her kill herself.
Yeah, copy.
Morphine's painless.
What are you saying, spike?
Isn't this her life, what's left of it?
I'm just saying maybe we should be looking the other way?
Maybe it's better we let her have what she wants.
Can't do it.
We interfere, subject could start shooting.
So we put lives at risk
To save somebody who's already dying?
ed:
our job's to save lives.
We're cops, we're not judges.
Boss?
Eddie's right.
we put it in play.
jules.
Yeah, boss?
parker:
get frank mcandrew on the phone.
Tell him this:
I'd like to solicit his legal opinion here
On these two staying together, based on compassionate grounds.
if she has two weeks to live, then...
They're not gonna spend it apart.
Got it.
parker:
and when i say opinion,
I mean he calls his favourite judge
And he works his famous powers of persuasion.
You hear me?
ed:
we take the shot, he will accelerate,
He's still armed.
We can use the distraction to clear the hostages.
Copy that.
She's filling the syringe.
Sam, take the shot if you see it.
You ready, lo?
I'm ready.
(shot fires)
Laura:
no, no, no ed:
keep the weapon lowered, evan.
just keep it down.
Laura: no!
ed: that's it.
Evan:
what did you do?
Parker:
i'm sorry we had to do that, evan.
You won't let them take us!
Stay back!
Laura:
what're we gonna do?
Evan?
It's okay.
lo-lo, it's okay.
It's okay, we'll figure a way out.
Just put the gun on the floor, evan.
Don't tell me what to do!
We're gonna talk through this,
But you gotta look at me.
you gotta look at me, evan.
No!
Evan.
Evan.
Do it.
(gun hammer clicks)
(sobs) do it.
Evan!
Please!
Laura...
Please?
Just give 'em space.
Sam, switch to lethal.
Copy.
This is crazy.
my son is not a drug user.
(stammers) he does not rob stores.
I know that, mrs. hewson, i need you to say calm
Because i need you to help me help evan.
evan and laura have known each other for a long time?
13 years.
13 years?
this is where they met.
The best thing that ever happened to him.
Okay, i'm really sorry,
But i have tell you some sad news about laura.
I got the solution.
evan, please.
do it.
Please... parker:
evan, don't do that!
Please!
(whimpering) please...
Thank you, evan, that's the right choice.
If that gun goes up again...
I hear you.
Evan, please!
Evan, i'm sorry for what's going on in your life and i really want to help you, but i gotta tell you,
That we can't let you hurt laura.
laura:
no.
I don't get to make many choices anymore,
But this choice is mine.
we... we've talked about it for 4 days, 4 nights.
We, we made a video, it's at home,
So that when i'm gone, evan won't be blamed.
Oh god.
This is why.
Mrs. hewson...
Last week...
he came to see me.
Just dropped in, wanted to go for a walk.
(chokes up)
He held my hand.
He never does that any more.
He told me he loved me like it was goodbye.
Why would he do that?
!
Jules, how much morphine did you find at their place?
How many doses?
Oh god. oh god.
Evan:
i'm not gonna break my promise.
She gets everything she wants today.
spike:
2 vials, 120 milligrams each.
Copy, spike.
boss?
Yeah, i heard it.
You guys have known each other for a long time, right?
About 13 years.
So, since you were, what?
Fifteen.
parker:
fifteen; that's a long time.
That's a lifetime.
that's...
That's a lot of memories.
Laura, i know...
I know something about memories,
And i know a little something about what happens
When someone shoots someone else.
It's not like you think it is,
It's horrible.
it's messy as hell.
and when...
you see something like that,
That image stays in your head.
Don't listen to him, lo.
parker:
and what you're asking evan to do,
It's gonna be the last memory he has of you,
It's gonna be the last thing he sees every night
Before he goes to sleep.
Don't believe him.
there's lots i'm gonna see
When i close my eyes at night, okay?
But i gotta be honest with you, laura,
It's not gonna get that far.
You see, my team... is gonna shoot evan before he shoots you.
(whimpers)
It's the law.
It's our job...
To not let him do that.
I'm take my chances.
ed:
did laura know about the last part of your plan here, evan?
The part where you intended to use
That second dose of morphine on yourself?
Did she know that?
120 milligrams is a lethal dose.
Now you knew that, right?
You knew that that's what it would take,
Did you tell her that you had a second vial?
did you tell her you were gonna kill yourself?
that you were gonna go with her,
Did you tell her that?
Ev?
But why?
ed: (quietly) hold off, guys.
let's give 'em some space.
I can't.
I don't want to.
I don't want to live without you, lo.
You have to, okay?
You have to.
Please.
I can't, i can't.
You have so much time still.
Your mom, she needs you and...
And your family needs you.
You are gonna love someone else some day.
No, that's not gonna happen.
Yes it is.
Yes it is.
Ev, how am i gonna live on if you don't live?
jules:
sarge.
i just heard back from mcandrew,
He thinks they can swing it.
Copy that.
good work, eddie.
Evan?
No matter how much time you have left,
Two days or two weeks,
We're gonna make sure the two of you stay together.
We're not gonna split you up.
Laura:
are you with me?
(breathes a sigh of relief)
So that's the story.
I'm sorry, mom, dad,
All you guys, for not giving any...
Advance warning.
* i will be here by your side * laura:
i guess i didn't really get much warning myself.
* no need to be afraid * laura:
i just don't want a fuss.
you know, you get that, right?
* close your eyes, close your eyes *
I don't want pity or...
Two weeks of goodbyes.
* and when you do * * i look at you and wonder *
* i wonder * * can you truly be mine? 
* * be mine * * be mine *
Sync by honeybunny

when I was a child I thought often about being adult what I will make of life, who I will become and among all daydreams I always chose one:
comfortably sleeping in the bed of my wonderful house then my favourite song starts
still with my eyes closed
I am waiting for an even better thing kiss of the person I chose to share my bed and my life
Alessio !
switch off the bloody music, for F*CK sake what are you doing in my bed?
sorry, my room is flooded again: broken pipe.. a disaster couldn't you go to Alessio?
Alessio is with a woman with who?
a new one: she's pretty, cheerful..
switch it off! 
people sleep here: it's only 10 a.m. !
such fool 10 a.m. ?
OK let's say 10:30 to be generous and the alarm clock?
oh, yes that annoying plim-plim-plim in my ear this morning oh well then I became an adult in the reality, and stopped daydreaming most of all, I learnt the only thing I know about life daydreams are bull$hit
sorry
one second
I have an important meeting and I am late already yes yes, it will be a moment
I'm sorry, I will sort all out later sorry for the pipe, I didn't know that ehm.. hot water finished
isn't that one my towel?
my name is Matteo Moretti a typical one
a not so young youngster as sometimes people hopelessly talk about on TV ?
that's exactly me thousands Euros generation
I earn a thousand euros a month for a job I don't like, in a company which does not like me everybody keep telling me how lucky I am not sure about contract renewal where I will be in 6 months
what my future will be not sure about anything
it's like being a minor character of a mediocre videogame somebody else decides what I do
the only leisure I still take is disbelief , both about dreams and reality it's easy and it helps to survive what happens doesn't affect me, simple as that
I'm sorry about today's meeting
I know it was important but..
no worries, just a delay so, Moretti you graduated in Maths yes
Ph.D , research..
and me I never noticed all these precious potential
Dr. Moretti, what was your last project about?
a mobile phone cover in flavoured gum cover in flavoured gum changes colour with the weather
be honest, Moretti: do you hate this job?
no, no, by all means
I understand you 6 months contract if you are lucky few possibilities little money, no future if job was interesting interesting at least...
Moretti here it is written you are a number genius
I've got a master in statistic and predictions so, if you are so good with number, scientifically can you tell me the probability that we will extend your contract?
and what did you reply?
nothing nothing ? 
that guy wants to fire you.. and you keep silent?
he cannot fire me, before getting fired you must be employed and when is the contract over?
in 20 days but that's great news! 
we must celebrate: 
I take care of it.
no restaurants
I book a night patisserie where they make a beautiful chocolate pudding and zabaglione yes but still.. how can I survive in a city which such costs?
only in the next 3 months I have:
rent to pay heating, and pipes to fix again do you want to know how much is on my bank account?
228.80 Euros.. in red can you find any good side?
and the scrutiny for academic position?
all stopped... you know things in here
I know, I know however I don't care any more, people here treat me as I were already dead
anyway thanks: great moment for you to retire do you know about my chances in here?
none, I hope even less better
maybe I resist another month then I may have to get back to parents
and where will you find someone to teach for free?
can I tell you something?
I cannot care less even about that anymore in 3 months
I will be dead and then you perfectly know that you are the first that doesn't want to leave this place you stay just to be close to..
what's her name?
Valentina ah yes, how is she? 
haven't seen her for a while she's well, the more she works the happier she seems to be it is me that I never manage to meet her
please, slow
I got 10 minutes only and it seems ages since the last time I have eaten
at what time do you finish? 
should I pick you up then?
no, it's ok. 
I'll be late today again?
they will let me do a lobotomy, maybe longitudinal, we will remove a pancreas nice
the professor says hallo thanks, say hallo to him as well
everything ok? 
you seem strange are you looking at me?
all ok?
Matteo, be honest sincerely if we were meeting and we knew about each other just now what do you think
would happen?
Ronaldinho, Ronaldinho! 
Bad penality
which game is it?
Brasil-Andorra again and you Andorra sure do you know that it's impossible to win?
there is an algorithm in the software
I aim to 0-0
and Alessio?
he said he could not tell it before us, was ashamed..
his contract expired, he was penniless he hoped in a miracle till the end it didn't happen he's back to his parents in Molise
this is the only time in human history that people go back to Molise
don't worry, I calculated all
I speak to Maioli to get some time, work 5 evening out of 7 and find another housemate and all will be sorted
they don't extend my contract, I'm out in 20 days
you never liked that job, you will find something more interesting, stimulating
Valentina left me damn careful
she says it's better we don't meet for a while we should take a pause
to think about eh?
she says I changed, like if I burned out and she's afraid we don't love each other anymore and what did you reply?
nothing great move congratulations
Francesco, let's speak frankly what am I doing here?
tell me just a reason
you know what?
I go back home as well what am I doing here anyway?
if I beat those b*st@rds you stay
if Andorra beats Brazil you stay otherwise you go where you want deal?
gooal with head
Andorra 1 Brazil zero hi sir hope we haven't woken you up
what do we define "improbable"
almost impossible which number do you think corresponds to something that won't happen almost for sure?
1/million?
1/billion?
Olsen intuition is that in a finite time much more than a million or a billion events happen so an almost infinite number of events most of them absolutely unpredictable which mathematically means
that an impossible thing will happen not only is very probable
it's certain
1/million probability happened yesterday you were dead and today you are safe do you realize how lucky you are?
like that, unexpected yesterday evening that guy was quietly working in his office
and after half an hour he was already putting up boxes so bye Randolfi
wow, it takes us three years to fix a landline but for the rest we are fast in the last trimester we lost 2.5 point of market share we are so close to the controlled management you avoid this gesture please? 
it drives me nuts cancelled press conference on hold the presentation in Barcellona media planning? 
on hold all the work done is useless market researches
Teddy don't call it "Teddy", it's just a mobile rubber cover and cannot have a name what's the problem with you?
yesterday you were dead, today safe and it seems you are sad about a guy has just been fired, what should I do? 
a party?
what do you think it is going to happen?
they say in some days they'll start firing also permanent staff hiring?
it's a lot if they extend our contracts
a useless, no, annoying miracle happened they were about to fire me and they fired him you see the probability of such an event?
don't know 3
3 what?
what kind of answer is that?
have you considered to restart smoking?
because I don't think quitting did you good luck never happens when it happens you should choose no?
sure, but can you tell me all at lower volume not to empty my cinema?
are you sure there's signal?
there is, if they call you there is
I've sent her a txt but no reply maybe it did not arrive
do you know how many times it can happen?
no, how many?
anyway I should talk to her about the story I've changed it is not true she has changed, she's obsessed by work
should I call her?
excuse me, didn't she tell you meditation pause?
then we should take pause as well to help us think, understand ah, I spoke to Maioli he gives us 15 days more to pay rent have you told him about the floor?
are you crazy?
and if our neighbour below tells him?
don't worry, I have already thought about that
do you remember Polidori?
who was studying cinema with me?
he did a thesis on Spielberg now he's a bricklayer his uncle is from Bergamo, anyway at the end of the month he will do for us the work for free only pay for materials we will have then found a new tenant and we can ask him a deposit
and they say I'm fool maybe I found the new tenant who?
you remember my office mate Faustino?
the guy who makes bracket sign while speaking?
come on, at least we know him that's the point his dad is rich and would solve lots of problems no, we have already talked about, we got 3 rules no women, no assholes, no fans of Inter
he's got 2 out of 3 but he could lend us the cash ok we have 3 days to find someone with cash and larger brain than his tie knot
I know it's not easy but you can choose or you calculate the probability of finding him or you help finding him your choice
or what?
plan B no, no plan B wait we get to 21 scores if you win, the room is for your friend otherwise I choose the flatmate
Francesco, you are almost 30 when will you grow up?
to 15 scores?
what should be clear since the beginning is that the new business plan should not be seen as resizing but as an opportunity from the semester analysis the most worrisome data is the market share loss
how long ago did he start?
20 minutes at least not my fault the metro was blocked somebody committed suicide
good for him is it going that bad?
a disaster why?
you know who is that guy?
is one from ITM temporary contracts performance on the last business plan is well below...
I knew it, they send home all of us and worse thing is..
is to them that the company decided to assign a very important communication project
the "aria" mission fulfils two primary corporate needs capillary development and environment protection
thus allowing positioning of signal repeaters in former unaccessible places these antenna will then transmit and receive data in atmosphere..
just a curiosity, one of my statistics am I the only one disgusted by this antenna?
I think you are
I also did not understand this story of individual projects what is this competition, then they choose and all the stories about team work?
it is meant to stimulate competitiveness, like in a race who wins stay, others get fired nice competition that is the market and its rules we have to be ferocious, heartless
Faustino, look at yourself ferocious?
when you were a kid they called you "Chernobyl"
no eh? 
this is below the belt
I told you as a secret
nothing?
Valentina did not reply?
no she didn't, and?
maybe she didn't get it what?
I checked with our operator 1 over 300 SMS doesn't reach the destination almost 0.33% with the new antennas we will solve the problem
1/300 is a lot
hi Valentina, do I..
no, no I only wanted to know if you got my messages
1000? 
I sent 2 or 3 ok, listen..
as I am phoning can I tell you something?
I think you are wrong saying..
ok, it's not the right moment yes no, I am also quite busy yes it's ok bye
nice eh?
yes well..
haven't been here since long time do you often come here?
it's my first time third floor, sales office?
no
I bet you are from human resources why?
I don't know you but you seem normal and typically normal ones are from human resources and those from fourth?
are you admin?
impossible than is strange one from administration who smokes
in fact I decided to stop, it's the last me to re-start, it's the first
how comes?
if you come to us, you will realize why? 
where do you sit?
marketing and development, 8th floor really?
yes unfortunately strange you haven't the appearance of marketing so, I don't look like a typical marketing idiot?
thanks that's the best praise received in the last 6 months then they weren't fantastic 6 months well..
but they are about to be over yes, they kick me out
kick you out?
for sure, at the end of the month have they told you already?
no, but I would also fire myself
anyway, Matteo
Angelica
I'm not sure I understood it's a sort of competition who gets the best project stays, and others? 
boh they will be hung to the plastic tree no, no sushi last time I puked and then I've got no money explain me this is the only historical period when sons are less healthy than fathers and what do we do?
we eat sushi?
Valentina?
no SMS, no calls as you said inflexible
hallo
Beatrice, remember?
excuse me can you please help me with these boxes?
I have downstairs a sofa chair that won't fit in the lift
I really could not carry it
excuse me, what the f*** are you doing?
Alessio didn't tell you anything?
tell what?
may have told your friend the one with the playstation
told what?
that I live here
you live here?
for 5 months until end of teaching, then we'll see 300 euros per month and bills to share by 3
ah, it's not that you gave me a smaller room?
which room?
if the deposit is a problem
I've already given the money to my cousin to who?
to my cousin who is he?
Alessio
I understood, you are the playstation guy
no!
I'm really sorry
I didn't know my cousin is so bad haven't met him since elementary school
how much he owes you?
ah, doesn't matter how is your leg?
it's ok if I don't move it now they should give you something then I'll bring you to your parents, to be taken care
which area do you live in?
Todi in Umbria
Todi?
71, who's got 71?
can I explain you at least, Vale?
I'm working you'd better leave left
I know what you think don't think anything bend it anyway, not my business
how long have you worked in first aid?
2 years every Thursday evening
the fact you don't remember should make you think sorry Valentina but... how did it happen?
it happened at home and..
at home?
well, home he didn't even want to let me in, it was me that..
here yes
ok, the leg is almost surely broken we do radiography to see whether to operate name, surname, address
we live together she said we live together you be more stupid?
ok Matteo we go upstairs and talk to her you cannot imagine Valentina's face no, it's a good move making her jealous in 2 days she will be here on her knees at 2 a.m.
say sorry and all will be ok no, I don't want that well even better so no 2 a.m. discussions we are not up for that could you go slower? 
for my arm come on, we are there
thanks
really I don't know how to thank you guys heavy eh?
no, it's ok
Matteo
I hope I did not cause problems with your ex (girlfriend)
I did not know which ex? 
who told you?
did she tell you during radiography?
no, no was me thinking... ah, she seemed to you... no, you were wrong there is no ex here this maybe an ex-house
Alessio an ex-flatmate an ex-floor
I may have an ex-job but me and Valentina are not ex
clear?
rethinking pause ok
I go to sleep nice to meet if I won't see you tomorrow sorry
I'd ask one more favour slow down, I can't see no, here trust me yes, but you must turn did you learn geometry notions?
geometry is useless for this slow down, I can't see you are there ok for anything call, we are here thanks she's pretty eh?
Francesco, she can't stay here what? 
you want to leave her on a street with a broken leg?
do you want up and down every time she's got to piss?
sorry
I hear everything eh?
well, at least she's nice
perfect it seems made for that
yes but the rule was "no women"
Matteo, please what sort of rule is this about women?
I never understood it ok, and money?
she's worse off than us well, they offered me more shifts i will accept and work 7 evenings a week
where is the problem?
do you remember our promise?
whatever happens we should not become a$$h*les
do you know what I was thinking?
is it long since you installed Sky TV?
when is she leaving?
she'll stay at least until she will have the plaster it's a pity, I almost got used to the idea of living there even us really
and then she's always at home can you get me this? 
and that?
I do the same with my parents is she pretty?
don't know, I cannot tell cannot tell? 
or she's pretty or she's not. 
Score?
Faustino, you are almost 30 and still rate girls?
yes don't you do as well?
[reading Latin] good
can you say it without staring at my breast?
what do you think about?
sorry ok, restart if the equation of sigma square is necessarily is less than n... it demonstrates one but important thing there are questions that allow only wrong answers that's for your own good it's written here "smoking kills"
the last one please even you restarted but I've got a good reason for what's wrong today?
I've got only few hours left, I'm the first victim of that death tree you haven't given the project yet probably is the last time I see this terrace it can't be so difficult you are a Math expert?
use it it's not "expert" but "worshipper"
the word used in University not to pay you and then I can assure you it cannot work
why?
I love formulas and here you just have to demonstrate "true" or "false"
I'm the opposite of marketing
there what?
the Scotsman got out of the toilet so?
he rubs his hand, he's about to fire somebody you are paranoid look, like every time gets in the office sits closes curtains
you cannot see now but he is checking the list of permanent people
and when he gets the one a phone rings
come to my office for urgent communication
and the company has one less employee see? 
the Scotsman first the toilet then the firing, pityless
kids! 
have said, don't run after eating and careful to floor hole
I'm working
I'll tell Beatrice
Beatrice, Jacopo plays next to the hole
Jacopo! 
I'm angry and I'll tell your mum
I'll tell her surely
damn kid!
sir
sir what's up?
I'm ill really?
haven't seen you for a while you always work you too
I'm late in fact, I go you didn't come yesterday
damn! 
the game
I forgot are you there Saturday?
yes maybe got to go anyway
in the pot there is the money for the rent could you give them to Maioli?
I give him when I'll be back from work bye
thanks
yes, yes are you sure?
he says they've already chosen so fast?
yes you joking?
really?
are you sure?
yes, thanks yes, yes, yes!
they have chosen mine, I've just got to print it great Faustino!
I'm happy
so, the project we chose is that of Fausto Zaniboni it's presented today in Barcellona, in the afternoon and we want you to present it
me?
here some notes on how to manage the communication and the plane ticket the project manager that you'll meet at the airport will take care of the rest clear?
no if it is Fausto Zaniboni's project would't be right to send him?
I don't care whether it's right or wrong
I care about what is in our interest or not
so, what did he tell you?
nothing got to go what, has he fired you?
no
I'm really late, got to go but are you back for a lunch together?
got to go
Faustino sorry
well, I will eat by myself
Moretti terminal 1, gate 5 in 20 minutes
how can you tell someone "go to Barcellona plane is in 3 hours?"
I haven't even got my toothbrush we will fix it, trust me trust you? 
the marketing director?
if I only think about the bull$h*t I told you... well, indeed..
but you could have told me you did not ask me you said you were administration
I said I sit in administration that is where they have put our team which team?
marketing team we are there until we haven't solved the problem problem? 
which problem?
I wanted to tell you, I was about to tell it but then I thought if I tell him I won't see him anymore right?
so, let me understand: should I call you "boss"?
of course
5 euros a toothbrush?
that's crazy don't you need a shirt?
sure I need it?
well, can you have meeting with the president in your shorts?
come on, they are almost boarding
if you want I try again it's the third time it gives error, maybe the card has a problem
the card doesn't seem to work have you tried rubbing it on the sleeve?
yes, I tried and still says "cannot execute the transfer"
sorry excuse me, can you help me and then I'll get you all reimbursed?
or is it a problem?
no, it's ok thanks, he will pay
have you tried turning the card, sometimes it works yes, I tried and says "cannot execute the transfer"
can I ask a question now?
why have you chosen me?
you said it marketing is lying and everything comes out of our mouth sounds like a lie and from me instead?
last Thursday you were giving a lesson at University on Gedel, right?
how do you know it?
well, I was there you were there?
please put 10% of what I have seen you doing in that classroom and this afternoon you will become their star
here's the formula we'll take care of lies and you will make them appear real ok?
what did I tell you?
and you were the one who could not lie?
never told so much bull$h!
t at once, believe me
I even had fun me having fun in a meeting: incredible!
the president wanted me for a press conference and tonight for a dinner at the Olympic port yes, but we cannot make it why?
do you want the "real" or the "marketing" answer?
i woke up from the dream thinking police was there and I heard knocking who was it then?
was just the waiter knocking at the room door and you? 
which is your weirdest dream?
I don't have so many dreams it's impossible, everybody dreams
ah, yes, once I dreamt I was flying ah, how?
how?
like superman, or levitating maybe horizontally, normally swimming nobody flies swimming well, nobody flies show me how you fly what come on
I jumped and..
ok, I understood oh good
and..
do you want a lover?
a lover?
tomorrow we have to get up early yes
goodnight
excuse me,could you call miss Garrone?
Mr. Moretti, miss Garrone left this for you
unexpected meeting in Berlin, I will call you ASAP could you get me a taxi to the airport?
the cheque?
any problem?
no, it's no problem
I'll get reimbursed as I will be back (thiefs)
ah, you can't imagine how boring meetings, blabbers..
together with old guys anyway they really liked your project
ok, I know you should have gone instead of me but the marketing director ordered me to go
and I made you save a lot 1300 euros in half a day you should be thankful do you know the cost of a taxi from Malpensa airport?
exaggerated luckily I had the money for the rent ah, do you know the reimbursing procedure?
hi Mark
I wanted to tell you about Barcellona
Angelica already did it was good no?
yes but now I am bit..
no, no this and not even that and this really not magazines and chanel they were not mine but of Dr.Garrone why give them then?
because I paid them, Dr.... no, this is between you two thanks it's not anything between two of us, the Dr. ..
even the underwear good you did not understand sure, I did not
I think you did not understand however, I pass this all and if it gets authorized we refund in 30 days allright?
30 days?
can't answer now, please leave a message
be honest, everything: job, studies..
and this optimism smiling always
I had enough even because all goes wrong, so why smiling?
hi
I've just arrived and.. 
I go
ok, you got me talking by myself happens when I am angry tomorrow I get plaster out and Monday I should have gone to school missed for only 2 days well, your right no, after a period you may lose the temporary teaching place
pasta "penne rigate" or "liscie"?
yes, penne rigate anyway we'll find a solution where is your CV?
try in "various" folder
"penne liscie" is ok?
no
"penne liscie" is not my type of pasta we got only those
[going through CV] pasta with tuna or ricotta cheese?
tuna
I don't consider ricotta edible it is slimy
December 2006 Christmas packing in library "Jacopone da Todi"
have you done anythigh outside Todi yes, I worked in the shop of my boyfriend Sandro in Spoleto
Sandro?
you seem all but a Mathematician why?
I imagine Mathematicians living in their own world speaking by themselves no, those are schizophrenic
but if you like so much Maths how did you end up in marketing?
aren't they opposite?
you really miss basic things it doesn't work like that for jobs how does it work?
like this dinner you cannot think about something you like and find it in the fridge
3% chance other way around open the fridge, find the tuna and convince yourself is what you wanted penne lisce with ricotta? 
my favourite food
and instead I only want to teach it's hard humiliating, underpaid but I want it what's wrong with it?
wait, what is the exact time?
0:10 so officially it's Thursday
the most complex regular solid in the universe, cannot be drawn 7 years of work to define it in a formula does it hurt?
no but how many possibility there are for the project to start?
0 in fact I am in marketing
so, since you cannot do what you love you have to like what you hate no, not really so it is worse you pretend to be someone else you pretend the stupid guy saying that stuff, it's not you
but like this you broke the other leg this doesn't cut ok but..
yes, but even you: 
laughing before the angry speaking by yourself do you think it's normal?
of course, you need anger in life and you react react? 
do you know the first thing a formula 1 driver is thought?
when the car is about to crash inevitably do nothing take hands off wheel don't react
the only way to survive is not to react and do you think I'm convinced by formula1 bull$h!
t?
I believe you should do everything to make things happen at least try, or nothing will change
and if it changes for the worse?
and what if instead changes for the better?
ok, let's restart tomorrow and this knife..
come on, come to open as key doesn't work
I sharpened the knife, see you tonight
Matteo sorry, it's all day I wanted to meet but was never ending
I'm just back and have to be in London tonight
I know you are busy, don't worry ok, I wanted to call you but among planes, meetings... if you want you will call me when you'll get back
sorry but I'm late for meeting someone
I've got to catch a plane, would you come to the airport with me?
hi Beatrice, it's Matteo
I cannot really make to meet, due to an unexpected thing at work
I'm really sorry sorry, I tried to be fast
the Spanish have looked into our accounts: faking, frauds to customers..
I'm afraid of a big mess to happen what?
no sales, groups erased, but I didn't tell you anything and our contracts?
forget about but is a good thing, an opportunity it's just matter of taking it
honestly I didn't understand it's easy: at that moment is just matter to make the right or wrong decision
[phone card out of credit]
once it's ok but two starts to be addiction
good evening, sorry, got to go
Beatrice yes?
are you ok?
I'm sorry I could not come tonight but..
but?
maybe it was better like that sorry, I leave you alone
Matteo, somebody called for you the landlord
yes, I will go to him on Monday
Beatrice no, haven't told Francesco
thanks
when you are 30 years old you should have no insecurity you should get yourself answers at this point
are you asking me?
however just as an hypothesis there are 2 girls
each very different, but you like both one is the blonde, your boss well, not really my boss but the account..
my mum is not mum but the account who managed my birth anyway one is the blonde which has also a name but..
score: 7 and half - 8 clean, precise, fragrant
and the other one?
you would never guess
Beatrice it's a cinema classic hate, love, both of them with someone else..
you are in a sentimental comedy poorly directed, predictable nice soundtrack can you imagine how many of these I watched?
an awful lot in this instead is interesting the best-friend character handsome, smart, and also unpredictable do you want to know the ending?
it's for sure we must find you a woman at any cost
that's also right
no, it's not that it's named hydro-colon-therapy in practice, intestine wash no, no pain involved exactly but now I've got to leave you yes auntie, but get it checked please, not like Clara
she said it started like a chickpea yes, checks over and over but..
at the end they operated ok, yes bye auntie, bye
do you remember? 
Moretti, refund..
ah, yes, so sorry, yes?
no come on
Pela, how are you?
only yesterday with Ernesto we were wondering about you so?
I wait for my refund, I'm afraid it could be the landlord
and this month I got lots of unexpected costs in fact I wanted to ask you while waiting the wage..
don't even try!
hallo?
Dr. Moretti?
he's not in the office ok
I'll tell him bye
thanks Faustino what did he say?
it was not the landlord no? 
who was it?
he said "the professor"
he seemed quite angry
hi Beatrice?
and so if the delta is less than zero, equation impossible but if we assume as right the equation..
I was saying..
[goes on the lesson] last week you even forgot to come today you left home the notes at least today you saved this baby by the way, what's your name?
Beatrice, nice to meet you
I am the one who fell down when the floor broke sorry, did you tell him?
ehm, no you too studying math?
literature
I understood: unemployed no, enlisted for the temporary posts
I am waiting for the call it will arrive, won't it?
yes, yes, it will
I remember when I was doing temps hundred of kids who never took shower slow trains terrible sandwiches
the best time of my life aren't you happy here?
here?
luckily everything is coming to an end what?
no, he's just retiring
Wednesday he will have his last class
I'm sorry to hear that
I'm not and you, listen we will meet tomorrow for the class you missed tomorrow it's impossible tomorrow at 5 o'clock
bye, see you
I'm in love, I would do anything to become like him you'll never become like him you don't become jerk unless you are but you love him and he loves you should we get organize for his last lesson..
some kind of party are you crazy, he would never forgive it but it was clear it was what he wanted no, you don't know him, impossible yes, but come on!
never any enthusiasm, optimism from you eh?
and look at the street Mr. Formula1 in Todi if you take hands off wheel you die
what now?
well, sometime it just does it
I didn't understand something: we had paid the rent, didn't we?
yes.. well no, I spent all in Barcelona spent? 
all?
I did not spend, I anticipated them but it was over 1000 euros!
how did you spent them in 24 hours in Barcelona?
a taxi, pay this and that it's a blink of an eye
and when will you be reimbursed?
in theory at the end of the month not so long then no but I'm afraid not to get really all
wait
come, have a look at what I found
do you know which is the first signal for a social crisis?
which?
nostalgy perfect there are people so afraid of future that would cry in front of a Big Jim
Alessio has got plenty of old stuff go and take it sure
hallo?
yes, it's me
on the roof, in 5 minutes
calm down and explain me why you disappeared again do you remember that last time I told you a big mess was about to happen?
the moment arrived
"the moment arrived"? 
sounds like the lord of the rings listen, the Spanish are leaving the company funding, conference all is over, also the fusion al over? 
and us?
I've got no time now, they are waiting for us downstairs waiting? 
who? 
where?
do you realize you cannot always behave like that?
this is yours it's the reimbursment there is all
my name, Beatrice Ferroni
thanks
hallo, a taxi in 103 Pirelli street perfect, thanks may I know as well what is going on?
we convinced him, is funding the project and you've been great who the h*ll was him?
"he" is the most CEO of the most important European telecommunication company and bought our project and offered me a job in Barcelona
I accepted
I leave tomorrow good
I'm really happy for you what do I have to do with all this?
I wanted him to meet you why?
because I bring you with me
to Viterbo?
4 months, till the end of the year to Viterbo ?
why not to a school in Viterbo?
what do you think to do?
I am not sure, I'm undecided
I understand, how can you say no to Viterbo?
yes, it would be very important for my career, me..
..I wanted to talk about with Matteo
I'm so hungry what are we eating?
I can't believe it, are you still thinking about?
no, it's..
you are mad sure, it's me being mad it's normal going to live in Barcelona the next day why not?
then the flight is tomorrow plenty of time no?
all will be ok, he may have got an unexpected meeting at this time ?
with that b*tch holding his hand?
but why everybody has to come shouting here?
sorry eh, sorry sorry
tell me the truth, do you know who she is?
no but do you realize your luck?
almost double payment, two years plus benefits yes, but I have all friends, things here friends, things?
are you joking?
come on, she all smartly dressed no, ehm, blond?
blue eyes 7 and half - 8?
come on, I'm joking now you go home and all will be ok no, it will not
listen, it comes the moment to choose who you want to be it happens once and now it is happening to you nice one, did you read it on a paper of a corporate chocolate?
those with $h!
t instead of chocolate?
do you want to stay here?
no problem we will renew only one contract, if you want it it's yours just matter of a call
but it would be absurd it's a fantastic job fantastic city and you won't be alone
I'll be there do you know how many of these blondes I've seen in movies?
do you want to know how it ends?
how?
they win normally but it's cinema, bull$h!
*
what's the time?
already time?
Angelica?
yes?
the job in Milan the contract to renew yes?
is it really enough a phone call?
why?
I wish it was given to Faustino my colleague is it possible?
yes sure
Gianni Bonifausto understood
I will do as I get up, promised can you give me 5 minutes more?
I don't care, at the end of the month you are out
Dott Eng Maioli, I tried to call you many times if I catch you here again next time
I'll call the police
happy now?
do you know how cr*p you are?
what did you do with the money?
why you didn't tell me anything?
you realize what you became?
Francesco, it's not the time not the time?
then when is the time? 
with you it never is you always got more important things you disappear, don't answer calls, nobody knows where you are
where is Beatrice?
Beatrice? 
now you think about. 
And do you think we are all here just for your convenience?
where is the problem?
all this for a bit of money?
here is your money take them
get lost is this the money for having f**ked your boss?
it's not your business you're horrible
I f**ked her, so?
where is the problem?
normal people do it
thanks, I started to lose hope well, you know you should make sign for taxi you risked to wait all day why didn't you call?
I had no battery and there were no taxis at the car park today is your lucky day, where do you want to go?
Malpensa airport
the GPS calculates all: fuel, time, traffic there is a jam? 
it shows an alternative way it changed my life, I'm not joking it does all the calculation... that's it, you must be happy you got what you looked for new job, woman, life now you choose, not the others
that's what you wanted, wasn't it?
in 21 minutes and 30 seconds we are there that's really great
what's this?
I'm really really sorry, this never happened before don't worry, it happens it's the first time in many years maybe it was an electric contact look that damn navigator
now I call a colleague and shortly you will be at the airport
if you need to call anyone use mine no, it's ok
I've got two even for the case it runs out please, at your ease
hallo?
hi Valentina, it's me
Matteo, anything happened?
no, I thought you were at work nope, Tuesday night and Wednesday off, do you remember?
oh yes, I cannot get anything right indeed you cannot even for this you did not change really nothing happened?
no, no, don't worry
I wanted only to ask.. precisely why did we split?
we agreed, never argued for the serenity of a couple both must argue and then make peace all time so every day is different who said such bull$h!
*?
you ah, yes
I didn't remember
Matteo why did you call me?
listen
I understood you are not leaving
no, please spare me the usual story what was?
I cannot give up what I am would be cheating myself
I'm giving up a big opportunity but it's not my life?
and another if the only alternative is living the life of someone else, I prefer my own right?
you are a real idiot anyway
about you friend's contract
I did this morning, he was very happy bye idiot
the lesson of prof. 
Soviero is in the main classroom
In classical mechanics the position is always measurable precisely in quantum mechanics is not, since a more precise position measurement the more imprecise the velocity and vice versa this was justified by Heisenberg
Moretti?
you are always late can I tell you something personal?
you being late is the only certainty in Maths it's you Moretti thanks for the notice there are all the people from my year also the others, you see?
even an idiot would see let's assume an x variable and suppose x is strongly attracted by the variable y then suddendly for a series of events the x variable has to get far from y listen if at 16:41 from the central station
a train to Viterbo is about to leave and x is about to take it
I ask myself and all of you y, what are you still waiting for in here?
Maths is not an exact science the dream and ultimate goal of science is to forecast to calculate with absolute precision a series of causes and effects that will happen from now all the major Scientists questioned if there is a way to certainly forecast
our future and one day
Heisemberg found the answer and it is we will be able
it left, nothing to do
I tried all but in vain she said "I've got to go"
and she left ah, it went well after all if I were here I would have spat at you
but anyway she could not stay career is important
and 4 months pass quick
I can still go to see her or she come to see me or meet in a station half way hey, beautiful mind do you want me to calculate the probability that you will meet again?
tell me just something there wasn't the kiss at the station the train lights, the steam stressed people around please tell me that you spared this to us at least
at the end Maioli did us a favour, that house falls into pieces we will find another one who told you I'll come with you?
maybe smaller, cheaper maybe with tennis field, garden, pool you don't even have a job do you remember the place at the University?
my dreamjob, where I had no chance no, don't tell me you got it no a guy from Verona got it, the nephew of a politician but there will be another selection this year and I'll try again
this nephews must get to an end meanwhile what will we do?
with no money we will find a way
I'm tired of it, I'm not sure I'll make it
I give up let's do so: plan B to 20 scores, if I win you stay or... agree?
I am Matteo Moretti 31 years old and with a temporary contract
I give Maths private lessons
I work part-time for a commercialist and I correct the drafts for a scientific magazine
Matteo, can you turn down that music?
here people sleep, do you realize what time is it?
what's the time?
7:30
I have to go for the first hour of Greek wake up
I'm not sure to get my contract extended
I'm not sure what will I do in 6 months
I don't know what future will be
I earn 940 euros/month in total
thanks for watching, even if this is a pirate copy :
D

You be good.
Watch the house.
Morning.
You crashing on my couch?
Well, I just wanted to wish you good luck with Ham.
How come he wants you over so early?
Don't know. 
Where are my keys?
Heard he found his way into a church, on a North Carolina beach.
Yeah. 
He called me. 
Drunk shitless.
He won't even remember it.
Shame. 
He and God had it out.
The preacher, though, ain't too pleased 'bout finding beer cans on the altar the next morning.
Cigarettes in poor box.
Knowing Ham, he left a twenty in there, too.
$17 and 62 cents. 
All he had on him.
Ham ain't the only man in your life that needs you right now, Grace.
Another one's sitting on death row.
Only deal with one at a time, Earl.
Early bird.
To tell you the truth, I'm not sure.
We've been doing this for a long time.
Well, forever.
In doggie years over a billion.
Your mom is one of the most stubborn, willful, glorious maddening, unpredictable humans that I have ever been responsible for.
Oh, there it is.
She ever looked inside again?
Just that once, huh?
Well, Gus, we'll see what she does now.
A man's soul depends on it.
- Hey.
- Hey.
You had said four-thirty, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
My-my new alarm clock didn't go off
- Shit. 
You look great.
- I'm finally sleeping.
Thanks for coming over.
- You want some coffee?
- Yeah.
Ok.
Nick, Bo and I went to North Carolina and packed up
Rafe's wife and kids.
Brought them back here.
How they doing?
Rafe would be proud of them.
Well, he kicked me in the ass.
I'm coming back to work today.
You had to just tell me four-thirty in the freaking morning?
Oh, wow.
You know, I talked to Perry. 
I want to be partnered up with Butch.
I'm with a patrol officer working a 28 day rotation.
- Are you ok with that?
- Shit, Ham, no.
But if that's what you need, I'm gonna do it.
If my new partner's an asshole though, I'm coming after you.
- I need you to take a ride with me.
- Ok.
Give me a few minutes.
So where are we going?
A place where Rafe and I used to go as kids.
I want to scatter his ashes at sunrise.
Rafe would dig this, right?
- What?
- This is Rafe. 
His ashes.
Saving Grace 
- Season 02 Episode 08 "The Heart Of A Cop"
Work done by SnickerHaHa;
Edited by the Peanut.
-You look good, partner.
-Ahh!
You look like Ham again. 
Almost human.
What? 
You just want me back to give me shit.
Hey, if you're drinking on the job, you'll might want to conceal that.
This's Rafe's ashes. 
My share of Rafe's ashes.
The place where I was gonna scatter him is an apartment complex now.
- Owen Fields, man.
- Ahh! 
Rafe would love that.
- Hey, any word from Bobby?
- Nothing.
I think he's working for some kind of fed task force.
ATF, FBI, ICE. 
No word.
- Zero? 
Zilch?
- No word.
- Welcome back, detective.
- Good to be back.
You should move your stuff over to Bobby's desk.
Abby Charles is going to be join us for 28 days.
- Where is Abby Charles?
- She's late.
- She's late on the first day?
- Yeah.
Please send officer Charles to my office when she gets here.
No offense, huh, ... but I do not like clearing out Bobby's desk.
Feels like we're invitin' somethin' to happen.
Yeah, leave it alone. 
Just bring a few things. 
Put my stuff in a box.
Have you ever seen the shit he's got in his desk?
- What?
- Yeah!
You trust this that close to him?
Hey, if anything happens to this,
I'll spread your ashes with Rafe's.
We've got a female body at Heritage Hills.
What do you want me to do with officer Charles after I've had a word with her?
Send her to me.
You guys take first on the scene. 
Set up the perimeter.
- Hey, Grace.
- Hey, Henry.
This is serious shit.
What do see, Henry?
Breast was cut off after she died.
- Saline implants punctured 
- Almost like he wanted to expose her.
Lividity does not match the body position.
- She was dumped here.
- She was displayed
Hey, we may have an ID. 
Luann Grayson.
The husband reported her missing last night at 10 p.m.
That guy came out for the morning paper, found the body.
Look, maybe we notify next of kin this time. 
Take that off Grace's plate.
- New partner, you know. 
Kind of hard.
- Yeah. 
We got a vehicle to look for?
I got a BOLO on a GMC gray Yukon.
Have you checked these lookie-lou's?
- Free entertainment.
- I'm going to get some names.
Hey, man. 
Live round here?
- Naw.
- You have an address?
- Do you have a new partner, Abby Charles?
- Yeah.
- Why ?
- She's Ronnie's cousin.
I talked to her last night. 
She was all excited about partnering with you.
Not excited enough to be on time.
The wedding band has an inscription.
"All my love. 
All my life. 
Patrick".
"9/12/97"
Give me a minute, fellas.
Sorry I'm late. 
I am Abby Charles.
- You have an accident?
- No.
You sick?
- No.
- Someone die?
- No.
- Have any other kind of emergency stopping you from contacting Major Crime, letting us know what's up?
- No.
- Then what's your problem?
The whole squad knows you're late.
Knows you don't care enough on first day working with us to be on time.
Do you care about them?
We've got a woman slashed up in here. 
Do you care about her?
What? 
No. 
No.
- Are you crying?
- No.
Don't cry at a crime scene.
Stop it, man!
Come on!
Ok. 
I'm sorry. 
It won't happen again.
Ok. 
Let's get to work.
How long you going to pretend I ain't here?
I know you're not asleep.
Explain something to me, Leon.
Explain why you asked your execution date to be moved up.
I mean, you had two years before they even thought about a hard date.
Why do you want to die in three months?
You lost all faith?
In life ... in me ...
In God?
So you ain't going to talk? 
Never?
Benjamin's getting big. 
Tall.
Fine looking boy.
Smart.
And I mean really smart.
Doctor smart.
Supreme Court justice smart.
Right now, he's trying to ... bulk up so he can make the football team next year.
You want to be around, to see if ya son makes the football team next year?
Thanks.
The tie around her neck was made 1963. 
It was a Smitty tie.
The company went out of business in 1980.
There's a whole community in the Southwest who blog about Smitty ties.
- Why?
- They're hand stitched.
Legend has it that Neil Armstrong left one on the Moon.
A vintage Smitty tie runs you about $500 on eBay.
Shit. 
Shit!
- What?
- A hit on VICAP.
- The same exact M.O. 
- Where?
Right on the edge of Oklahoma City. 
Warr Acres. 
Four days ago.
Hey, Patrick Grayson had a whole search party.
All his friends looking his wife. 
He on his way in.
- Guess what, boys?
- What?
We've got a serial killer.
Victim number one, Judy Woodlawn.
DOD:
1-5-09.
Blonde, 35, breast implants.
Left breast cut off.
Saline implant punctured. 
- Circle upon circles.
- Exactly!
So I just do not know how to resolve this conflict.
I mean, the only thing we could do is displace the sun from the center and well not to have a center.
It breaks my heart, Aspasius.
So tell me, what do I do?
Rest, lady.
Parabolani!
- Parabolani!
- What is happening?
Parabolani, quick! 
Help!
St. Alexander's on fire!
It is a fire.
Come on!
Gather water! 
Get the water!
Quick! 
Take this!
Hurry!
Quick!
Come on, come on!
Parabolani!
Parabolani!
Parabolani, quick!
Where's the fire?
Where's the fire?
Jews! 
It's a trap.
It's a trap!
Christians, all.
Last night was a night to deplore.
Now I say to you.
Grieve no longer for our dead brothers.
Weep not.
Shed your tears for the others, for they are executioners.
Yes, yes.
Weep for them.
For those who have done this,
Know not of God, nor of love nor of parity.
They know not because it is they who repeat the words of the Scriptures with no understanding at all.
It is they who saw only a man when the Son of God was standing in front of them.
And it is they who in their blindness, mocked him and crucified him.
Weep! 
Weep for the Jews, those evil butchers of our Lord.
Because God because God, God, God has already condemned them.
It is God's will.
that they live as slaves cursed and exiled until the end of time.
Cursed and exiled!
Cursed and exiled!
Cursed and exiled!
Lady, do not stop, Lady.
Now all the Jews will want to retaliate.
I'm afraid you don't understand what's really happening.
When this is all over, there will be no more Jews in Alexandria.
I'm sorry for busting in like this.
Lady, you should the risk of coming here.
Where are the troops?
Why are there no more soldiers on the streets?
No army could contain that mob.
The entire city is in a frenzy.
Calling to the annihilation of women and children.
A bishop!
- A Christian! 
Then lock him up.
Prefect.
You should have him arrested.
It's not so easy.
Lady, Cyril knows they both share the same faith.
That places our prefect in a very awkward position.
If he defends the Jews, half the city will rise up against his government.
I see.
But if you choose to do nothing now,
I believe Cyril will continue to do the same thing over and over again and until until there is no one left in this city.
No people for this government to govern.
How naive of me.
How naive of me to think we have finally chose.
Jews out!
First, they kill them then they bury them.
The Bishop of Cyrene.
- What is he doing here?
- I'll find out.
It's my little library of Alexandria.
This is where I teach the children.
An Apollonian cone.
Yes, I built it to teach them about the four curves.
The Circle.
The ellipse.
Orestes should really be here by now.
Parabola.
And hyperbola.
It's truly beautiful.
You know, I often look at it and I always wonder why does the circle coexist with such impure shapes?
When I get to sit here and listen to you again.
I bore you.
It's been a long time since I've done anything but beat my head against a stone.
Anyhow, there are more important matters at hand.
Forgive me.
Two Christians in the hands of a heathen.
It's an outrage!
It's an outrage!
- How many left?
- I don't know but it smells.
Ammonius.
Does God speak with you?
All the time.
Ammonius this, Ammonius that.
Ammonius, Ammonius, Ammonius.
Today, he spoke to me so quickly, I had to ask him slow down.
Tell me something.
Do you ever think we're mistaken?
Why?
I always forgive and
but now, I can't forgive.
Forgive?
Who?
The Jews?
Well, Jesus pardon them on the cross.
Jesus was God and only He can show such clemency.
How dare you compare yourself to God?
Brother.
We are still alive.
Why?
Because it was
His will to save us from the stones.
God wants us here, doing what we do.
Don't you believe in that anymore?
My Lord
Cyril is a very proud man.
He'll agree to meet, but he wouldn't discuss the Jews, only discuss peace.
Peace?
My suggestion, as your humble adviser in this affair, is for you to accept.
Let peace be foremost.
- Lady, what do you think?
- I
I don't think it's very encouraging.
Why would he want to come and see Orestes
- without any concrete proposals?
- And there's something else.
He won't come to you.
Demands he meet you in the Library, during the Sunday service.
In the Library? 
Why?
Only Christians are being permitted to enter the Library since it was stoned.
It is a provocation!
Allow me to suggest.
If you consider your presence so essential why not let yourself be baptized?
The majority of us here, beginning with our prefect, have accepted Christ.
Why not the rest of you?
It's only a matter of time and you know it!
Really?
It is just a matter of time?
Well, excuse me honored member but as far as I'm aware your God has not yet proved himself to be more just or more merciful than his predecessors.
Lady.
Is it really just a question of time before I accept your faith?
Why, then, should this assembly accept the counsel of someone who admittedly believes in absolutely nothing?
I believe in philosophy.
Philosophy.
Just what we need in times like this.
Enough!
All these years, I've been studying.
With absolutely no life of my own.
And I wonder, what was the point?
Whoa, forget about what was said today.
Is this all life holds for me?
What else?
I doubt anyone could see as a devoted wife and mother.
I think
I think everyone in the city knows the story of the handkerchief.
So
My father loved a woman.
Even he
Who have I ever loved?
Except you,
Libanius.
If I could just
just unravel this just a little bit more.
And just get a little close to the answer then then I would
then I would go to my grave a happy woman.
Why?
Why does that mean so much to you?
Right now, this very second, the whole Earth could be moving and no one realizes it.
Except you and me.
Believe me Lady, it's best no one does.
Do you really not think it important?
I don't understand why you insist on moving the ground we walk on.
Well, you saw for yourself what happened on the boat.
Yes, I did. 
But that does not necessarily mean the Earth moves.
What if it does?
Hypatia, look around you.
Death, horror destruction.
If the stars move in a circle why would they share their perfection with us?
So we do not move
In a circle.
We don't move Circle.
We do not move in a circle.
Ever since Plato, all of them: 
Aristarchus Hipparchus, Ptolemy, they have all tried to reconcile their observations with circular orbits but
What if another shape is hiding in the heavens?
Another shape?
Lady, there is no shape purer than the circle.
You taught us that.
I know, but suppose just suppose the purity of the circle has blinded us from seeing anything beyond it.
The same way that the glare of the sun blind us from actually seeing the stars.
I must begin all over with with new eyes.
I must rethink everything.
I have to rethink everything.
Reading from the first letter of Paul to Timothy.
I desire therefore, that everywhere men should lift up holy hands in prayer without anger or disputing.
In like manner, I desire women to dress modestly,
with decency and propriety not with braided hair
or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,
- but with good deeds.
- Why is he reading this passage?
I don't know, prefect.
I assure you it is not the one we agreed on.
That a woman learn in quietness and in full submission.
I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence.
This is the word of God!
Amen.
Amen.
Jesus himself knew this when he entrusted his holy legacy to twelve men
Men.
Not a woman among them.
And yet,
I know of some in Alexandria who admire and even trust in the word of a woman.
The philosopher Hypatia.
A woman who declared, in public, her ungodliness.
A witch!
Dignitaries, it is time for you all to reconcile yourselves with Christ.
This is the word of God.
Kneel before it and embrace its truth.
Kneel.
Is he not going to kneel?
Is he not going to kneel?
Kneel!
Kneel!
Sinner!
I am a Christian!
- I am a Christian!
- You're not a Christian!
I'm as Christian as you are.
Make way for the prefect!
Make way!
I am a baptized Christian!
I am a baptized Christian!
I'll kill you.
I am as Christian as you.
I am as Christian as you are.
I mean, how could such a thing be possible?
The culprit has been executed.
I would like you to take me to the prefect immediately.
Lady, he himself gave the order for you to be confined to the house until further notice.
At the moment your presence on the streets is not advisable.
For what reason?
Cyril has made some serious accusations against you.
And um
What does he accused me of?
Ungodliness
And witchcraft.
I see.
Is something bothering you, Lady?
No.
Why don't you tell me what's worrying you?
Prefect, why don't you bite on it?
Speak.
The Bishop of Cyrene wishes to see you.
All of you
Prefect, the wound is not yet closed.
Get out. 
Get out!
All of you out! 
Out!
Well, that went well.
You think I had a part on this?
Would I show my face here if I wanted to betray you?
- Are you blind?
- I was, yes, I was blind.
Well, it's my head.
He's wanted all along, it's me that snake is after.
This government!
This city!
Now, listen.
- War is brewing.
- I know.
I know.
Do you swear your loyalty to me?
To the Empire? 
Do it.
Condemn him or get out.
I will do it.
On my knees, if necessary.
And not only that.
In a few days, I can gather other bishops from the province and amongst from the desert all against Cyril.
First, I must ask you a question.
Orestes, do you believe in Jesus?
Do I what?
- Do you believe in Jesus?
- Do I what!
?
Are you a true Christian?
Or did you like so many others, only convert
- to prosper in politics?
- Synesius.
Why didn't you kneel?
- What choice did I have?
- Why didn't you kneel?
What choice did I have?
Betray Hypatia?
Condemn her?
Would you have done that?
I would never offend God.
It's he, he is offending God.
He is offending him.
He's twisting his words, he's using the Scriptures.
He read what is written.
How many women do you obey?
How many?
How many do you admire and listen to?
Only
One.
Only one.
The Scripture
The Scripture is correct and it was in His hands.
Brother, don't you see?
Don't you see the insult to God?
In front of everyone.
I don't know
I don't know what what I believe.
You have to tell him.
Go tell him now, Orestes.
Tell him you believe in what is written.
Don't tell me. 
Tell Him.
Tell God.
Kneel!
Many are those who remember today the miracles our beloved brother performed in life.
Like the time he commended himself to the Father and threw himself into fire and was not even singe.
Ammonius, dead of bravely defending your faith in Christ.
I proclaim you a martyr.
A saint.
From now on, you shall be known as
Saint Taumasius.
We want justice!
Justice!
May God show us the way, my dear parabolani.
Little else can I say to you.
What about the monks of Nitria?
We can win at least 500 of them.
plus 500 of our own men
- Do you think that's enough?
- He's the prefect
He has a whole army to protect him.
Listen!
Why don't we do something much more simple and effective?
What are you talking about?
We can hurt him where it hurts most.
How?
- That whore.
- Who?
What if we dared to look at the world just as it is?
Let us share for a moment every preconceived idea.
What shape would it show us?
What shape?
You once said that the problem lies in the inconsistency of the sun.
Yes I did, good.
Good Put it into words.
The sun must be at the center, since we revolve around it.
And at the same time, in another position since our distance from it varies.
- Yes, exactly.
- How?
How could it occupy two positions?
How could it occupy two positions?
How could I occupy two positions at once?
How could I occupy two positions at once?
Aspasius
Yes, yes. 
There.
And then the other one here.
Keeping the same proportion.
Good. 
Very good.
Now, tie this end to that torch.
Aspasius.
I want you to imagine that this is the Earth.
And that each of these flames represent the two extreme positions of the sun in relation to it.
In winter and in summer.
What would happen if both these positions with the two centers of one and the same circle?
But it is impossible, mistress.
Wait. 
What do we know about a circle?
We know that the center of a circle is always the same distance from any point along its perimeter.
- Exactly.
- Yes, so
What if I divide the center into two but what I keep constant is the sum of their two distances to the perimeter.
Alright, look. 
I'll show you.
Watch. 
As I move this rod along the cord, as one segment increases the other segment decreases, and vice versa.
Therefore the sum of the two is always going to be constant.
Do you see that?
Now, what if we apply this to the movement of the Earth?
What
figure will be obtained?
An ellipse!
With the sun at one of its foci.
Because, what is a circle except a very special ellipse whose foci have joined so close together that they appear to be one.
Perhaps, I'm completely raving, Aspasius.
I mean, why should this be so?
Maybe I'm just
Maybe I'm
What do you think?
It could well be solved, mistress.
Well done, we'll continue with this tomorrow.
Get some sleep.
- Good night, mistress.
- Good night.
Thank you.
Davus!
Davus!
What are you doing?
Lady.
Let me see.
Why don't you sit down?
Where is everybody?
Please sit down.
I have.
I have news for you too.
All dignitaries who have yet to embrace the Christian faith are to be baptized
in public.
The aim very clear:
It's to add to our cause, all the Christians in the city decent folk, better to fight for me.
You speak of battling faith.
All right.
Very well.
It seems everything seems to have been decided already.
I don't understand why you required my presence here.
I am not a member of government.
No, you are more than that.
You are the person I trust most and everyone knows it.
What can I say?
Lady.
Many years ago, years ago, you taught us something.
If
If two are equal to a third they are all are equal to each other.
Do you remember?
Yes
The three of us, we are all good people.
And you, you are as Christian as we are!
Synesius, you don't question what you believe.
You cannot.
I must.
That's a pity,
Lady.
A great pity.
Our revered teacher taken away from what she herself taught us.
Or do you think I'm not aware of the insane things you invoke.
- Synesius!
- With Earth moving around the Sun.
What next, Lady, what next?
You must let me go.
Let me in!
- I'll go straight to her.
- Why does she wanna see a parabolani?
- Lady!
- Go away before we arrest you.
- Leave!
- Aspasius!
It's me, Davus. 
Get off me.
- Tell them who I am.
- I know this man, please.
What do you want?
I need to speak to her. 
I need to speak to the mistress. 
Where is she?
- Mistress is not here.
- It's urgent! 
Where is she?
- Where?
- She's at the prefect's palace.
- The prefect palace! 
Prefect's palace.
Thank you. 
- Get out of here.
Who was that?
He was a slave once.
Wait, please! 
Wait! 
I beg you.
If you don't agree, I won't be able to protect you any longer.
I won't be able to have dealings with you neither greet you.
Hypatia.
Don't you see?
I can't go on without you.
I cannot.
Without you, I can't defeat Cyril.
Orestes.
Cyril has already won.
Thank you.
I do not need you.
Davus!
Brother! 
Where are you going?
We found her!
Come on, walk!
Move it, sinner!
Whore!
Witch!
Pagan sinner!
Move! 
Come on!
Witch!
Strip her naked!
Get up.
That's it. 
So that God can behold in all your filth, whore.
The way you knock the prefect so hard.
Heathen!
Whore.
Look, she's not reacting.
She will scream all right when we skin her alive.
- How many of you have knives?
- None.
Don't stain your hands with impure blood.
Let's stone her!
- Let's stone this witch!
- Get some stones.
Quickly!
The ones we throw at Orestes.
they are still here.
I'll stay with her.
She fainted.
The body of Hypatia was mutilated and the remains were dragged through the streets and burned in a fire.
Orestes was outlawed forever and Cyril took control of the power in Alexandria.
Later, Cyril was declared a Saint and Doctor of the Church.
Although not any of Hypatia works remains, it is known that she was an exceptional astronomer, well-known for the mathematical study of conical curves.
One thousand, two hundred years later, in the 17th century, astronomer Johannes Kepler described that one of those curves, the ellipse, governs the movement of the planets.

The late fourth century A.D. the Roman Empire began to crumble.
Alexandria, in the province of Egypt, still retained some of its luster, possessed one of the Seven Wonders of the ancient world: the legendary lighthouse, and the biggest library known.
The library was a not only cultural but a religious symbol,... a place where the pagans worshiped their ancestral gods.
The traditional pagan worship in the city now coexisted with the Jews, and an unstoppable religion up to now banned, Christianity.
How many fools do you think have asked themselves?
why don't the stars fall from the sky
But you, who've had the teachings of the wise,
You know that the stars move neither up nor down.
they merely revolve from east to west, following the most perfect course ever conceived,
The circle.
Because the circle reigns in the heavens, the stars have never fallen and they never will.
But, what about here on Earth?
Here, bodies do fall.
But their movements are not circular but linear.
Watch again.
No, leave it.
So,
What mysterious wonder do you all think might be lurking beneath the Earth that would make every single person and animal and object and slaves circular?
What might it be?
The heaviness, lady.
No.
Synesius.
The weightiness.
No, you're both speaking about the same thing, but you're not talking about the primary course.
Have any of you ever wondered that your..
that your feet... your feet are standing on the very center of the cosmos that holds all things together and pulls them together
If there were no center, then the universe would be shapeless, infinite, formless, chaotic.
Will it make a little difference if we were here or there or anywhere?
And we'd all be better off never have been born.
Library of Alexandria 391 AD
God, Our Father,
Lord of the universe, origin of all things, eternal force of the cosmos, where everything has its beginning and everything its end.
Almighty Serapis, Isis, Horus,
Anubis and all the other gods we ask for your protection.
both in heaven and on earth...
I don't know what's happening in the market.
I know you also feel something.
I've seen.
Tell the master we're leaving.
Can you believe? 
He was courting me as if I'm one of his conquests.
This Orestes is as foolish as his father.
I already suggested that he devote his heart to another muse one more beautiful than I.
- Who?
- Music.
Music?
He didn't find his music.
What happen?
227 ever become 16.
Look at this, it's 14.
They behave like humans!
They eat, drink and fornicate!
If my gods eat, drink and fornicate, good for them.
Know this, you who console yourself with pagan images.
Men, women, birds, reptiles!
Serapis!
Serapis! 
Who could trust the God, need a flower pot for a crown?
Hey you, Christians, how arrogant you'd become now that the
Empire allows you to exist.
My father's father saw them slaughtered in the circus and fed to the lions.
Enough! 
Watch.
Watch.
I shall now walk across the fire.
If my God...
If my God is the true god, I shall suffer no harm.
If however, your gods exist they will roast me like a pig.
You...
You're a lie!
You'll get what you deserve.
Now, let's see if you can walk cross the fire.
What are you doing?
Stop, you can't do that!
Let the man go.
Be quiet pagan or we'd call you in as well.
Whose is this?
Whose is this?
How many times must I repeat myself?
Today, the Christians burned a man.
Right in the middle of the Agora!
I will not have this in my house!
Not in the house of Theon!
Give it to me.
Give it to me!
Master, I beg mercy for your slave girl.
- Davus!
Get up.
You have nothing to do with this.
I too, am a Christian.
What did you say?
I too, am a Christian.
Punish me for the both of us.
So, now they presume to teach us mercy.
Get a whip.
- Father!
Please wait until you calm before you...
Father, I beg of you.
I beg of you
wrapped in a blazing brightness.
It was the flames, stupid.
Then why didn't he burn like the pagan? 
Tell me.
Leave us...
Come here.
Kneel.
Tell me, is it true that you're a Christian?
I don't know what to say, Mistress.
- Why not?
If I said yes, that would be a lie.
If I said no, that'd mean I lied to my master. 
I don't know which one's worst.
Then you should say nothing at all.
There.
Thank you.
I want you to know that the Master is upset with himself about this.
What is that?
Something I made, Mistress.
But it looks like a...
What is it?
It's Ptolemaic System.
It is.
Did you do this?
Earth is the center of the cosmos
and revolving around it the Sun and the five wanderers: 
Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn.
Obstinately disobeying the law of the circle.
Nevertheless, Ptolemy shows us that they do obey.
The fact that we see them move in a loop is due to the joint effect of two circles.
One that... travels around the Earth
and another lesser circle prophet to each wanderer.
Look, the epicycles.
- See, it's not heaven or earth.
But our eyes that deceive us.
Well said, Davus.
I'd like you to know that your exposition shows me that you've been paying closer attention than...
One or two..others here.
I tell you, the gods should have consulted me before they created anything.
Why do you say that, Orestes?
It all seem so whimsical!
Why the joint effect of two circles?
Wouldn't it be more perfect, if the wanderers didn't wander... and a single circle gave sense to everything?
Orestes, by what authority do you judge the work of God?
What is wrong with you, Christians?
Can a man no longer open his mouth in this city?
If you criticize creation, you criticize our Lord and you offend us.
You should move out to the desert.
You won't hear anything to offend you out there.
You know nothing of what you speak.
None of you.
Synesius, what is Euclid's first rule?
Why the question?
Just.. answer me.
If... if two things are equal to a third thing... then they are all equal to each other.
Good.
Now, are you both not similar to me?
Yes.
And you, Orestes?
Yes.
Now, I'm actually saying this to everybody here in this room.
More things unite us... than divide us.
Now, whatever maybe going on in the streets. 
We are brothers.
We are brothers.
I want you to remember that brawls are for slaves and periphera.
Now I think we should all honor Davus with some very well earned applause.
He'll judge us all alive and dead.
And then it will be too late, because only those who believed in Jesus will be saved.
What are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
The Kingdom of God is upon us.
Do you understand what I'm telling you?
Yes.
Yeah but do you understand like men do?
Do you, not your head, a sheep?
What are you looking at?
Yes, you.
What are you looking here?
Are you Ammonius?
The man who performed the miracle?
Do you want to see a miracle?
Are you the one?
I am.
Come with me.
Jesus went throughout Galilee teaching in their synagogues.
Preaching the good news for you and healing the diseases of sick.
News about him spread going to Syria and people came from all over the world.
That is Theophilus.
Bishop.
For theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled.
The word of God!
Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
The Lord be with you.
So how are you able to escape the flames?
The Lord be with you.
- And with you.
What do you think I did?
I prayed.
You probable do not even know how.
What do you have in that sack?
Do you have any food here?
- It's for my Master.
What's wrong with you?
I have to pay for that with my own money!
What do you need money for?
Look at their faces.
Here.
I want you to try it yourself.
And afterwards I will teach you how to pray.
Go on.
The Lord be with you.
- Bless you.
See?
That is a miracle!
Go on, keep doing it.
The Lord be with you.
Please.
Thank you.
Bless you,
God bless you.
Bless you.
Hey, slave!
What is your name?
Davus.
Davus the slave!
Now, you look like a true parabolani.
A true soldier of Christ.
What are they saying now?
Telling them to dance.
The men are now heavy with wine.
All aboard!
Oh what an unfortunate wreck.
Save your servants!
End of Part Two!
Thank you, audience, thank you.
Now, excuse the delay while we move things around and change our costumes.
Good evening
Forgive my boldness.
I am Orestes, son of Orestes.
I'm here to...
I'm here to declare my love for Hypatia, the philosopher.
I mean, you all no doubt know for some time now, following her counseling.
I have devoted myself to music.
In the hope of seeking solace in the harmony of its sounds.
But for me, such harmony resides only in my lady.
So,
My purpose here is merely to... offer my melody in the hopes of...
Stop talking.
That man will go far, I tell you.
He's my preferred fruit for the banana not the fig, I would have already fallen at his feet.
Wouldn't it be best to please him?
Me?
How?
Granting him your daughter's hand.
Why don't you ever plan to marry her off?
Hypatia subject to a man?
Without freedom to teach?
Or even to speak her mind.
The most brilliant philosopher I know, having to give up her science.
No, that could be death to her.
It's true.
Her work is admirable.
That she's brilliant and virtuous.
But Theon,
She has not found her gift.
Being a woman, I mean.
Our Father who art in heaven...
Don't let anyone have her.
Please, don't anyone else have her.
Don't let anyone else have her.
Amen.
Good day, lady.
Good day, lady.
Good day, lady.
Good day lady.
Yesterday, many of you would have seen one of your colleagues present me an ollos
I accepted the gift.
And today I wish to make him earn a gift of my own in return.
This is for you.
It is the blood of my cycle.
Orestes you...
You say that you have found harmony in me.
Well, I am suggesting that you look elsewhere because I think that there is little harmony or... beauty in that.
Don't you agree?
Yesterday we were discussing the Apollonian cone.
We discussed the circle, the ellipse, the parabola.
Today we will discuss the hyperbola.
- Lady!
Forgive me, Lady.
Olympius requires your presence urgently in the Serapeum.
You as well.
Thank you, Lord.
Thank you, Lord.
Thank you, Lord.
How are we to enjoy them force feeding us the faith and customs to people who until recently becoming outlaws?
- What's happening?
- It's despicable. 
A sacrilege.
Christians have gathered in the Agora.
They are mocking the gods.
We must put an end these insults!
They may not fear him, but they will fear our swords.
Wait!
Wait!
Now, what is it you are going to do?
Are you going to attack them?
Are you going to stain your hands with blood for an insult?
To the gods!
An insult to the gods!
Well, if you think it is so outrageous then go and announce their acts before the prefect.
One might think that you're protecting them.
I am trying to protect our disciples.
You, are inciting them to be violent murderers.
Theon, as director, you have the last word.
The insult must be answered.
Those Jews amongst you do as you please. 
This is not your battle.
As for you Christians, you would do well to join those of your own fate.
You will not caused my disciples out of this house!
- Glory be to Serapis!
- And all the gods!
Wait for my command!
No one must suspect us until we have them surrounded.
The clubs are for the slaves.
Slaves!
Slaves are all for summon!
Davus, back.
No. 
Go back.
Death to Christians!
Glory be to Serapis!
Let's listen to her now!
Do you hear any complaint?
No!
This one has lost her voice too!
Their mouths do not speak, their eyes do not see, their nose doesn't smell.
Yet still, pagans come here and kneel before them.
What madness is this?
For the gods!
Medorus!
Take care of your master!
Protect it..!
God is one!
Death to the pagans!
You! 
What are you looking at?
Get there and fight!
Fight!
Are you deaf?
I said fight!
I'm a Christian!
I am a Christian!
I am a Christian!
- What is Christ?
- Christ is one!
Death to the pagans!
God is one!
No! 
No!
The entrance!
We must defend the entrance!
What's happening?
Our men are being sent back by the Christians!
Father!
It's alright. 
It's alright.
What happened?
It was his slave.
Davus, get me some cloth some water, quickly.
Father...
Synesius, we must get out of here.
Hold him still.
Parabolani are coming!
God is with us!
Hallelujah! 
Hallelujah!
- Close the gates!
- You know our men are still out there!
May the gods protect them.
Close the gates..
I said!
Don't kill him! 
He'll be our hostage like the others. 
Did you hear it everyone?
Any Christian you catch is now a hostage.
Take our wounded to the temple and the Christians down into the cellars.
And anyone with a good eye and a good aim up on the walls.
Olympius.
This one is a Christian.
Yes, and those three as well.
If they are Christians, they will go down to the cellars.
Olympius, if you are going to imprison my brothers then you are going to have to imprison me with them.
If it is necessary, I will do that.
If anyone, anyone,
dare lay a finger on one of my brothers
I swear I'll run in for you.
Look!
Look at this!
Orestes.
Thank you.
Since when were there so many Christians?
We'll talk to them to negotiate.
What are we waiting for?
What can we expect from a Christian emperor?
Except we'll be put in a sword.
Our sense of positive being the life when his verdict arrives.
Here will do.
No one should leave the group, please.
Are they going to pray all night?
Davus.
Stay here.
It's safer here.
Just stay with him first.
Synesius! 
What are you doing?
Lady, sister and mother,
May God bless you and protect you.
Move back!
Slaves take it to the back.
Slaves get to the back!
If this three one come out.
It's a disaster.
Father, why don't you leave the dice?
Have you been seen today?
-No.
- No?
Let's have a look.
Promise me, my child, that... when I'm gone, you won't remember this foolish old man.
I promise.
Remember me as I was before.
Before when I could still think and...
I... work with you and...
I listen to you.
How could I have been so wrong?
Seeing you here locked up because of my...
Father, please.
I wanted you to be free.
I am free.
Hey, Christians.
Christians!
What's that confident God of yours doing now?
Maybe coffins for you, scums!
So tell me.
Where are the gods now?
Where are they?
Might as well look for others.
- Others?
Which one? 
The God of the Christians perhaps?
Such boldness!
What do you think, Lady?
You are so bold.
Put the fire out.
You are indeed bold.
Very bold.
I've been thinking about something you said to me.
Me?
That day that you criticize the heavenly mechanism and you called it
whimsical.
- Yes, although...
Actually...
I was criticizing Ptolemy.
For complicating everything with his epicycles.
I don't know perhaps I'm just simple-minded.
No.
No, the heavens should be simple.
So am I right or..?
What if...
What if there were simpler explanations for the wanderers?
There is.
But it is so absurd, so old.
That no one gives it any credit.
What theory is that?
Do you think of Aristarchus?
Aristarchus maintained that the earth moves.
The strange behavior of the wanderers was nothing more than an optical illusion caused by our movement in combination with Earth around the sun.
- Heliocentric model.
That's right.
The sun would be in the center acting as speaking of it as "King of the Stars".
It would make Earth just..another wanderer.
- His work was lost in the fire that destroyed the mother library.
This is why we have to take great care of this place.
Our library is all that remains of the wisdom of men.
But everytime you drop an object here.
Who speaks?
Forgive me, Mistress.
I was listening.
Speak up, Davus.
If the earth is moving, every time dropping an object it would... fall further behind.
And the wind would always blow against us.
And the birds would lose their way in flight.
I told you
Aristarchus' hypothesis makes no sense at all.
I feel that what you just said can be refuted.
But right now I don't know how.
Make way for the prefect!
Make way!
Make way for the prefect!
Make way!
Listen one and all!
Prepare to hear and obey the verdict of our Emperor.
I, Flavius Theodosius Augustus
Emperor and Supreme Head of the provinces of the Orient, having been informed of the events... which recently took place in the City of Alexandria... do hereby declare and command that the insurgents shall be pardoned and freed.
In exchange for my generosity, the insurgents will abandon the Serapeum and the Library immediately allowing the Christians to enter and dispose off the premises
as they see fit.
What are we to expect?
They'll destroy everything!
Pagans will leave by the stable.
The Books.
And they will be escorted to their homes.
Obey this, instant!
Keep it together!
Send half of the regiment to the other side.
and send the rest later.
Yes, sir.
Prefect.
We won't be able to contain this, not for long.
On the cross! 
On the cross!
Keep yourself together!
Leave the lesser works.
- Which are the lesser works?
- Just take the important ones.
The important ones.
The soldiers are withdrawing!
Slave!
- Have you seen my mistress?
- Just get over here and help!
- They're not carrying so many.
We need more help.
Please go and get my father out of here. 
Get him out of here now.
Slave!
Go! 
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
Come on, quickly!
Hypatia and her students are still in the atrium.
Are they out of their minds?
If that's what they want, let them burn.
Come on!
Quickly!
Lady.
Where have you been?
Pick up that sack.
Lady We have to go.
- Pick up the sack!
Why are slaves never around when you needed them?
I was...
- Move!
, move your feet, move!
Idiot!
Run!
There is no time!
Lady!
Leave them.
God is one!
Run!
Davus!
Where are you going?
- We have to go!
- Davus, where are you going?
If he wants to die for our gods, let him.
Please, no.
Please don't do this.
- Come on!
- Davus!
- Davus, no!
- Come on!
God is one!
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!
Slave!
Davus!
Davus!
Davus the slave!
Help me with this!
Help me!
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!
Pagan sinners!
-=theQuayle=- ...Agora 2cd version... splitted from Agora.2009.DVDRIP.H264-ZEKTORM.srt
==Agora CD2==
The Master's wound is festering.
I know.
I know.
Davus.
Davus!
You're free.
Go.
Hence forth, in Alexandria only Christian and Jewish worship shall be permitted.
Pagan sacrifices, worshipping pagan symbols and visiting pagan temples shall no longer be allowed.
Should anyone commit such an act or dare raise his eyes on the statues of former gods. 
He shall be punished without penance.
Damn Jews!
Damn Jews!
They're just a bunch of good for nothing thugs, packed animals!
Joran, my dear friend, calm down.
Let Bishop Cyril speak in his own defense.
Prefect our blessed parabolani,
Whom he has just called the Beast of Burden.
Devote themselves true enough to carrying burdens.
crippled, the sick, the lepers...
And stones!
Prefect, they carry stones.
And now, they burst into the theatre and stone us knowing we will do nothing to defend ourselves.
Because it is the Sabbath!
On the Sabbath you should honor God in your synagogues instead stuffing yourselves with sweet set of theater.
That is why the stones fell upon you.
Prefect, do you hear that?
Now, he's threatening us. 
This is too much.
Friends, there are more things that unite us than divide us.
We are brothers!
We're all brothers.
Where would you Christians be without the Jews?
Jesus was a Jew!
Jesus was a Jew!
There is..something I find disturbing in what you've told me.
- What?
Well,
Why does Cyril speak of cleaning up the city?
Is he not satisfied with what he already has?
I think he's just trying to frighten the Jews.
But why say it in front of you?
What if really he was addressing you and not them?
Me?
Why?
I'm as much as Christian as he is.
Yes, but you forget that many of us from your circle are not.
And a full sail, prefect.
Let's go.
-Aspasius, you ready?
Yes, mistress.
I would like you to take the sack and climb to the top of the mast.
And now, Lady,
Will you finally tell me what the point of all this is?
When Aspasius drops the sack, the boat will be moving forward.
Therefore, the sack won't fall at the foot of the mast, but will fall further back.
I would say about... about here.
And what is so special about that?
- Yes!
- But you were wrong!
Yes, but this is definite proof!
It's definitive. 
The sack.
The sack behaved as if the boat was stationary.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
But the same principle could be applied to the Earth.
It could be moving around the Sun without us realizing.
-Aristarchus.
Exactly.
Why do you torment yourself with that, Lady?
Ptolemy's not perfect but... it works.
Orestes, but you are the one who...
A few years ago, you weren't so pragmatic, prefect.
Well, a few years ago, I talked first and thought later.
I have Cepheus third.
37.
48.
Venus and Mars share house in Aquarius.
My father would have celebrated such a conjunction with a good wine.
The stars will not fall.
- Oh really?
No, because they're fixed to the lid of their chests.
The lid will open in two hearts and then Jesus will appear.
What chest are you talking about?
Don't you know that the universe is a gigantic chest?
Heaven is the lid on top and the Earth, the ground...
They haven't told this fool that the Earth is round.
The Earth is flat.
Your head is flat.
Read the Scriptures!
If the earth is round,
Why don't the people at the bottom fall off?
What about the ones on the sides?
Why don't they slide off?
Think about that.
Davus knows.
Hey, brother.
What do you say?
Is the earth is flat or round?
Only God knows those things.
Leave them on the ground!
Leave them on the ground!
That's where they belong.
Lady, you must not lose heart.
Today on the boat you made great progress.
Why do the wanderers bury their brightness?
So unexpectedly.
And what is worse,
Why does the sun?
Why does it change size from summer to winter?
Perhaps because... sometimes it is nearer... and other times it is farther away.
But Aspasius
Watch.
According Aristarchus, the sun must be at the center of everything.
With us, the Earth, traveling in a circle around it.
Therefore, and this is the key.
We're always at exactly... the same... distance.
Now, if as you just said, we accept the changes in distance then we are forced to add and epicycle to the Earth's orbit.
So it's going to be nearer and then it's going to be farther away.
But now we fall into the same trap as Ptolemy.
Circle upon circles.
- Exactly!
So I just do not know how to resolve this conflict.
I mean, the only thing we could do is... displace the sun from the center and well... not to have a center.
It breaks my heart, Aspasius.
So tell me, what do I do?
Rest, lady.
Parabolani!
- Parabolani!
- What is happening?
Parabolani, quick!
Help!
St. Alexander's on fire!
It is a fire.
Come on!
Gather water! 
Get the water!
Quick! 
Take this!
Hurry!
Quick!
Come on, come on!
Parabolani!
Parabolani!
Parabolani, quick!
Where's the fire?
Where's the fire?
Jews! 
It's a trap.
It's a trap!
Christians, all.
Last night was a night to deplore.
Now I say to you.
Grieve no longer for our dead brothers.
Weep not.
Shed your tears for the others, for they are executioners.
Yes, yes.
Weep for them.
For those who have done this,
Know not of God, nor of love nor of parity.
They know not because it is they
who repeat the words of the Scriptures with no understanding at all.
It is they who saw only a man when the Son of God was standing in front of them.
And it is they who in their blindness, mocked him and crucified him.
Yes
Weep!
Weep for the Jews, those evil butchers of our Lord.
Because God... because God, God, God has already condemned them.
It is God's will..
that they live as slaves cursed and exiled until the end of time.
Cursed and exiled!
Cursed and exiled!
Cursed and exiled!
Lady, do not stop, Lady.
Now all the Jews will want to retaliate.
I'm afraid you don't understand what's really happening.
When this is all over, there will be no more Jews in Alexandria.
I'm sorry for busting in like this.
Lady, you should the risk of coming here.
Where are the troops?
Why are there no more soldiers on the streets?
No army could contain that mob.
The entire city is in a frenzy.
Calling to the annihilation of women and children.
A bishop!
- A Christian!
Then lock him up.
Prefect.
You should have him arrested.
It's not so easy.
Lady,
Cyril knows they both share the same faith.
That places our prefect in a very... awkward position.
If he defends the Jews, half the city will rise up against his government.
I see.
But if you choose to do nothing now,
I believe Cyril will continue to do the same thing over and over again and until... until there is no one left in this city.
No people for this government to govern.
How naive of me.
How naive of me to think we have finally chose.
Jews out!
First, they kill them then they bury them.
The Bishop of Cyrene.
- What is he doing here?
I'll find out.
It's my little library of Alexandria.
This is where I teach the children.
An Apollonian cone.
Yes, I built it to teach them about the four curves.
The Circle.
The ellipse.
Orestes should really be here by now.
Parabola.
And hyperbola.
It's truly beautiful.
You know, I often look at it and I always wonder why does the circle coexist with such impure shapes?
When I get to sit here and listen to you again.
I bore you.
It's been a long time since I've done anything but... beat my head against a stone.
Anyhow, there are more important matters at hand.
Forgive me.
Two Christians in the hands of a heathen.
It's an outrage!
It's an outrage!
- How many left?
I don't know but it smells.
Ammonius.
Does God speak with you?
All the time.
Ammonius this, Ammonius that.
Ammonius, Ammonius, Ammonius.
Today, he spoke to me so quickly, I had to ask him slow down.
Tell me something.
Do you ever think we're mistaken?
Why?
I always forgive and... but now, I can't forgive.
Forgive?
Who?
The Jews?
Well, Jesus pardon them on the cross.
Jesus was God and only He can show such clemency.
How dare you compare yourself to God?
Brother.
We are still alive.
Why?
Because it was
His will to save us from the stones.
God wants us here, doing what we do.
Don't you believe in that anymore?
My Lord...
Cyril is a very proud man.
He'll agree to meet, but he wouldn't discuss the Jews, only discuss peace.
Peace?
My suggestion, as your humble adviser in this affair, is for you to accept.
Let peace be foremost.
Lady, what do you think?
- Well..
I...
I don't think it's very encouraging.
Why would he want to come and see Orestes without any concrete proposals?
- And there's something else.
He won't come to you.
Demands he meet you in the Library, during the Sunday service.
In the Library?
Why?
Only Christians are being permitted to enter the Library since it was stoned.
It is a provocation!
Allow me to suggest.
If you consider your presence so essential why not let yourself be baptized?
The majority of us here, beginning with our prefect, have accepted Christ.
Why not the rest of you?
It's only a matter of time and you know it!
Really?
It is just a matter of time?
Well, excuse me... honored member but as far as I'm aware your God has not yet proved himself to be more just or more merciful than his predecessors.
Lady.
Is it really just a question of time before I accept your faith?
Why, then, should this assembly accept the counsel of someone who admittedly believes in absolutely nothing?
I believe in philosophy.
Philosophy.
Just what we need in times like this.
Enough!
All these years, I've been studying.
With absolutely no life of my own.
And I wonder, what was the point?
Whoa, forget about what was said today.
Is this all life holds for me?
What else?
I doubt anyone could see as a... devoted wife and mother.
I think...
I think everyone in the city knows the story of the handkerchief.
So...
My father loved a woman.
Even he...
Who have I ever loved?
Except you,
Libanius.
If I could just... just unravel this... just a little bit more.
And just get a little close to the answer then... then I would... then I would go to my grave a happy woman.
Why?
Why does that mean so much to you?
Right now, this very second, the whole Earth could be moving and no one realizes it.
Except you and me.
Believe me Lady, it's best no one does.
Do you really not think it important?
I don't understand why you insist on moving the ground we walk on.
Well, you saw for yourself what happened on the boat.
Yes, I did. 
But that does not necessarily mean the Earth moves.
What if it does?
Hypatia, look around you.
Death, horror destruction.
If the stars move in a circle why would they share their perfection with us?
So we do not move...
In a circle.
We don't move...
Circle.
We do not move in a circle.
Ever since Plato, all of them: 
Aristarchus Hipparchus, Ptolemy, they have all tried to reconcile their observations with circular orbits but...
What if another shape is hiding in the heavens?
Another shape?
Lady, there is no shape purer than the circle. 
You taught us that.
I know, but suppose just suppose the... purity of the circle has blinded us from seeing anything beyond it.
The same way that the glare of the sun blind us from actually seeing the stars.
I must begin all over with... with new eyes.
I must rethink everything.
I have to rethink everything.
Reading from the first letter of Paul to Timothy.
I desire therefore, that everywhere men should lift up holy hands in prayer without anger or disputing.
In like manner,
I desire women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety not with braided hair
or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,
but with good deeds.
- Why is he reading this passage?
I don't know, prefect.
I assure you it is not the one we agreed on.
That a woman learn in quietness and in full submission.
I do not permit a woman... to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence.
This is the word of God!
Amen.
Amen.
Jesus himself knew this when he entrusted his holy legacy to twelve men
Men.
Not a woman among them.
And yet,
I know of some in Alexandria who admire and even trust in the word of a woman.
The philosopher Hypatia.
A woman who declared, in public, her ungodliness.
A witch!
Dignitaries, it is time for you all to reconcile yourselves with Christ.
This is the word of God.
Kneel before it and embrace its truth.
Kneel.
Is he not going to kneel?
Is he not going to kneel?
Kneel!
Kneel!
Sinner!
I am a Christian!
- I am a Christian!
- You're not a Christian!
I'm as Christian as you are.
Make way for the prefect!
Make way!
I am a baptized Christian!
I am a baptized Christian!
I'll kill you.
I am as Christian as you.
I am as Christian as you are.
I mean, how could such a thing be possible?
The culprit has been executed.
I would like you to take me to the prefect immediately.
Lady, he himself gave the order for you to be confined to the house until further notice.
At the moment your presence on the streets is not advisable.
For what reason?
Cyril has made some serious accusations against you.
And um...
What does he accused me of?
Ungodliness...
And witchcraft.
I see.
Is something bothering you, Lady?
No.
Why don't you tell me what's worrying you?
Prefect, why don't you bite on it?
Speak.
The Bishop of Cyrene wishes to see you.
All of you...
Prefect, the wound is not yet closed.
Get out.
Get out!
All of you out!
Out!
Well, that went well.
You think I had a part on this?
Would I show my face here if I wanted to betray you?
- Are you blind?
I was, yes, I was blind.
Well, it's my head.
He's wanted all along, it's me... that snake is after.
This government!
This city!
Now, listen.
- War is brewing.
I know.
I know.
Do you swear your loyalty to me?
To the Empire?
Do it.
Condemn him or get out.
I will do it.
On my knees, if necessary.
And not only that.
In a few days, I can gather other bishops from the province and amongst from the desert all against Cyril.
First, I must ask you a question.
Orestes, do you believe in Jesus?
Do I what?
- Do you believe in Jesus?
- Do I what!
?
Are you a true Christian?
Or did you like so many others, only convert
- to prosper in politics?
- Synesius.
Why didn't you kneel?
- What choice did I have?
- Why didn't you kneel?
What choice did I have?
Betray Hypatia?
Condemn her?
Would you have done that?
I would never offend God.
It's he, he is offending God.
He is offending him.
He's twisting his words, he's using the Scriptures.
He read what is written.
How many women do you obey?
How many?
How many do you admire and listen to?
Only
One.
Only one.
The Scripture...
The Scripture is correct... and it was in His hands.
Brother, don't you see?
Don't you see the insult to God?
In front of everyone.
I don't know...
I don't know what...
what I believe.
You have to tell him.
Go tell him now, Orestes.
Tell him you believe in what is written.
Don't tell me.
Tell Him.
Tell God.
Kneel!
Kneel!
Many are those who remember today the miracles our beloved brother performed in life.
Like the time he commended himself to the Father and threw himself into fire and was not even singe.
Ammonius, dead of bravely defending your faith in Christ.
I proclaim you a martyr.
A saint.
From now on, you shall be known as...
Saint Taumasius.
We want justice!
Justice!
May God show us the way, my dear parabolani.
Little else can I say to you.
What about the monks of Nitria?
We can win at least 500 of them.
plus 500 of our own men...
Do you think that's enough?
- He's the prefect...
He has a whole army to protect him.
Listen!
Why don't we do something much more simple and effective?
What are you talking about?
We can hurt him where it hurts most........
How?
That whore.
- Who?
What if we dared to look at the world just as it is?
Let us share for a moment every preconceived idea.
What shape would it show us?
What shape?
You once said that the problem lies in the inconsistency of the sun.
Yes I did, good..good Put it into words.
The sun must be at the center, since we revolve around it.
And at the same time, in another position since our distance from it varies.
Yes, exactly.
- How?
How could it occupy two positions?
How could I occupy two positions at once?
How could I occupy two positions at once?
Aspasius...
Yes, yes. 
There.
And then the other one here.
Keeping the same proportion.
Good. 
Very good.
Now, tie this end to that torch.
Aspasius.
I want you to imagine that this is the Earth.
And that each of these flames represent the two extreme positions of the sun in relation to it.
In winter and in summer.
What would happen if both these positions with the two centers of one and the same circle?
But it is impossible, mistress.
Wait. 
What do we know about a circle?
We know that the center of a circle is always the same distance from any point along its perimeter.
- Exactly.
Yes, so...
What if I divide the center into two... but what I keep constant is the sum of their two distances to the perimeter.
Alright, look. 
I'll show you.
Watch. 
As I move this rod along the cord, as one segment increases the other segment decreases, and vice versa.
Therefore the sum of the two is always going to be constant.
Do you see that?
Now, what if we apply this to the movement of the Earth?
What... figure... will be obtained?
An ellipse!
With the sun at one of its foci.
Because, what is a circle except a very special ellipse whose foci have joined so close together that they appear to be one.
Perhaps, I'm completely raving, Aspasius.
I mean, why should this be so?
Maybe I'm just...
Maybe I'm...
What do you think?
It could well be solved, mistress.
Well done, we'll continue with this tomorrow.
Get some sleep.
Good night, mistress.
Good night.
Thank you.
Davus!
Davus!
What are you doing?
Lady.
Let me see.
Why don't you sit down?
Where is everybody?
Please sit down.
I have..
I have news for you too.
All dignitaries who have yet to embrace the Christian faith are to be baptized
in public.
The aim very clear:
It's to add to our cause, all the Christians in the city decent folk, better to fight for me.
You speak of battling faith.
Very well.
It seems everything seems to have been decided already.
I don't understand why you required my presence here.
I am not a member of government.
No, you are more than that.
You are the person I trust most and everyone knows it.
What can I say?
Lady.
Many years ago, years ago, you taught us something.
If...
If two are... equal to a third they are... all are equal to each other.
Do you remember?
Yes
The three of us, we are all good people.
And you, you are as Christian as we are!
Synesius, you don't question what you believe.
You cannot.
I must.
Well...
That's a pity,
Lady.
A great pity.
Our revered teacher taken away from what she herself taught us.
Or do you think I'm not aware of the insane things you invoke.
- Synesius!
With Earth moving around the Sun.
What next, Lady, what next?
You must let me go.
Let me in!
- I'll go straight to her.
- Why does she wanna see a parabolani?
- Lady!
Go away before we arrest you.
- Leave!
- Aspasius!
It's me, Davus.
Get off me.
- Tell them who I am 
- I know this man, please.
What do you want?
I need to speak to her. 
I need to speak to the mistress. 
Where is she?
Mistress is not here.
- It's urgent! 
Where is she?
She's at the prefect's palace.
- Where?
- The prefect palace!
Prefect's palace. 
Thank you.
-Get out of here.
Who was that?
He was a slave once.
Wait, please!
Wait! 
I beg you.
If you don't agree, I won't be able to protect you any longer.
I won't be able to have dealings with you neither greet you.
Hypatia.
Don't you see?
I can't go on without you.
I cannot.
Without you, I can't defeat Cyril.
Orestes.
Cyril has already won.
Thank you.
I do not need you.
Davus!
Brother! 
Where are you going?
We found her!
Come on, walk!
Move it, sinner!
Whore!
Witch!
Pagan sinner!
Move! 
Come on!
Witch!
Strip her naked!
Get up.
That's it. 
So that God can behold in all your filth, whore.
The way you knock the prefect so hard.
Heathen!
Whore.
Look, she's not reacting.
She will scream all right when we skin her alive.
How many of you have knives?
- None.
Don't stain your hands with impure blood.
Let's stone her!
Let's stone this witch!
- Get some stones.
- Quickly!
The ones we throw at Orestes.
they are still here.
I'll stay with her.
She fainted.
The body of Hypatia was mutilated and the remains were dragged through the streets and burned in a fire.
Orestes was outlawed forever and Cyril took control of the power in Alexandria.
Later, Cyril was declared a Saint and Doctor of the Church.
Although not any of Hypatia works remains, it is known that she was an exceptional astronomer, well-known for the mathematical study of conical curves.
One thousand, two hundred years later, in the 17th century, astronomer Johannes Kepler described that one of those curves, the ellipse, governs the movement of the planets.

The late fourth century A.D. the Roman Empire began to crumble.
Alexandria, in the province of Egypt, still retained some of its luster, possessed one of the Seven Wonders of the ancient world: the legendary lighthouse, and the biggest library known.
The library was a not only cultural but a religious symbol,... a place where the pagans worshiped their ancestral gods.
The traditional pagan worship in the city now coexisted with the Jews, and an unstoppable religion up to now banned, Christianity.
How many fools do you think have asked themselves?
why don't the stars fall from the sky
But you, who've had the teachings of the wise,
You know that the stars move neither up nor down.
they merely revolve from east to west, following the most perfect course ever conceived,
The circle.
Because the circle reigns in the heavens, the stars have never fallen and they never will.
But, what about here on Earth?
Here, bodies do fall.
But their movements are not circular but linear.
Watch again.
No, leave it.
So,
What mysterious wonder do you all think might be lurking beneath the Earth that would make every single person and animal and object and slaves circular?
What might it be?
The heaviness, lady.
No.
Synesius.
The weightiness.
No, you're both speaking about the same thing, but you're not talking about the primary course.
Have any of you ever wondered that your..
that your feet... your feet are standing on the very center of the cosmos that holds all things together and pulls them together
If there were no center, then the universe would be shapeless, infinite, formless, chaotic.
Will it make a little difference if we were here or there or anywhere?
And we'd all be better off never have been born.
Library of Alexandria 391 AD
God, Our Father,
Lord of the universe, origin of all things, eternal force of the cosmos, where everything has its beginning and everything its end.
Almighty Serapis, Isis, Horus,
Anubis and all the other gods we ask for your protection.
both in heaven and on earth...
I don't know what's happening in the market.
I know you also feel something.
I've seen.
Tell the master we're leaving.
Can you believe? 
He was courting me as if I'm one of his conquests.
This Orestes is as foolish as his father.
I already suggested that he devote his heart to another muse one more beautiful than I.
- Who?
- Music.
Music?
He didn't find his music.
What happen?
227 ever become 16.
Look at this, it's 14.
They behave like humans!
They eat, drink and fornicate!
If my gods eat, drink and fornicate, good for them.
Know this, you who console yourself with pagan images.
Men, women, birds, reptiles!
Serapis!
Serapis! 
Who could trust the God, need a flower pot for a crown?
Hey you, Christians, how arrogant you'd become now that the
Empire allows you to exist.
My father's father saw them slaughtered in the circus and fed to the lions.
Enough! 
Watch.
Watch.
I shall now walk across the fire.
If my God...
If my God is the true god, I shall suffer no harm.
If however, your gods exist they will roast me like a pig.
You...
You're a lie!
You'll get what you deserve.
Now, let's see if you can walk cross the fire.
What are you doing?
Stop, you can't do that!
Let the man go.
Be quiet pagan or we'd call you in as well.
Whose is this?
Whose is this?
How many times must I repeat myself?
Today, the Christians burned a man.
Right in the middle of the Agora!
I will not have this in my house!
Not in the house of Theon!
Give it to me.
Give it to me!
Master, I beg mercy for your slave girl.
- Davus!
Get up.
You have nothing to do with this.
I too, am a Christian.
What did you say?
I too, am a Christian.
Punish me for the both of us.
So, now they presume to teach us mercy.
Get a whip.
- Father!
Please wait until you calm before you...
Father, I beg of you.
I beg of you
wrapped in a blazing brightness.
It was the flames, stupid.
Then why didn't he burn like the pagan? 
Tell me.
Leave us...
Come here.
Kneel.
Tell me, is it true that you're a Christian?
I don't know what to say, Mistress.
- Why not?
If I said yes, that would be a lie.
If I said no, that'd mean I lied to my master. 
I don't know which one's worst.
Then you should say nothing at all.
There.
Thank you.
I want you to know that the Master is upset with himself about this.
What is that?
Something I made, Mistress.
But it looks like a...
What is it?
It's Ptolemaic System.
It is.
Did you do this?
Earth is the center of the cosmos
and revolving around it the Sun and the five wanderers: 
Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn.
Obstinately disobeying the law of the circle.
Nevertheless, Ptolemy shows us that they do obey.
The fact that we see them move in a loop is due to the joint effect of two circles.
One that... travels around the Earth
and another lesser circle prophet to each wanderer.
Look, the epicycles.
- See, it's not heaven or earth.
But our eyes that deceive us.
Well said, Davus.
I'd like you to know that your exposition shows me that you've been paying closer attention than...
One or two.. others here.
I tell you, the gods should have consulted me before they created anything.
Why do you say that, Orestes?
It all seem so whimsical!
Why the joint effect of two circles?
Wouldn't it be more perfect, if the wanderers didn't wander... and a single circle gave sense to everything?
Orestes, by what authority do you judge the work of God?
What is wrong with you, Christians?
Can a man no longer open his mouth in this city?
If you criticize creation, you criticize our Lord and you offend us.
You should move out to the desert.
You won't hear anything to offend you out there.
You know nothing of what you speak.
None of you.
Synesius, what is Euclid's first rule?
Why the question?
Just.. answer me.
If... if two things are equal to a third thing... then they are all equal to each other.
Good.
Now, are you both not similar to me?
Yes.
And you, Orestes?
Yes.
Now, I'm actually saying this to everybody here in this room.
More things unite us... than divide us.
Now, whatever maybe going on in the streets. 
We are brothers.
We are brothers.
I want you to remember that brawls are for slaves and periphera.
Now I think we should all honor Davus with some very well earned applause.
He'll judge us all alive and dead.
And then it will be too late, because only those who believed in Jesus will be saved.
What are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
The Kingdom of God is upon us.
Do you understand what I'm telling you?
Yes.
Yeah but do you understand like men do?
Do you, not your head, a sheep?
What are you looking at?
Yes, you.
What are you looking here?
Are you Ammonius?
The man who performed the miracle?
Do you want to see a miracle?
Are you the one?
I am.
Come with me.
Jesus went throughout Galilee teaching in their synagogues.
Preaching the good news for you and healing the diseases of sick.
News about him spread going to Syria and people came from all over the world.
That is Theophilus.
Bishop.
For theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled.
The word of God!
Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
The Lord be with you.
So how are you able to escape the flames?
The Lord be with you.
- And with you.
What do you think I did?
I prayed.
You probable do not even know how.
What do you have in that sack?
Do you have any food here?
- It's for my Master.
What's wrong with you?
I have to pay for that with my own money!
What do you need money for?
Look at their faces.
Here.
I want you to try it yourself.
And afterwards I will teach you how to pray.
Go on.
The Lord be with you.
- Bless you.
See?
That is a miracle!
Go on, keep doing it.
The Lord be with you.
Please.
Thank you.
Bless you,
God bless you.
Bless you.
Hey, slave!
What is your name?
Davus.
Davus the slave!
Now, you look like a true parabolani.
A true soldier of Christ.
What are they saying now?
Telling them to dance.
The men are now heavy with wine.
All aboard!
Oh what an unfortunate wreck.
Save your servants!
End of Part Two!
Thank you, audience, thank you.
Now, excuse the delay while we move things around and change our costumes.
Good evening
Forgive my boldness.
I am Orestes, son of Orestes.
I'm here to...
I'm here to declare my love for Hypatia, the philosopher.
I mean, you all no doubt know for some time now, following her counseling.
I have devoted myself to music.
In the hope of seeking solace in the harmony of its sounds.
But for me, such harmony resides only in my lady.
So,
My purpose here is merely to... offer my melody in the hopes of...
Stop talking.
That man will go far, I tell you.
He's my preferred fruit for the banana not the fig, I would have already fallen at his feet.
Wouldn't it be best to please him?
Me?
How?
Granting him your daughter's hand.
Why don't you ever plan to marry her off?
Hypatia subject to a man?
Without freedom to teach?
Or even to speak her mind.
The most brilliant philosopher I know, having to give up her science.
No, that could be death to her.
It's true.
Her work is admirable.
That she's brilliant and virtuous.
But Theon,
She has not found her gift.
Being a woman, I mean.
Our Father who art in heaven...
Don't let anyone have her.
Please, don't anyone else have her.
Don't let anyone else have her.
Amen.
Good day, lady.
Good day, lady.
Good day, lady.
Good day lady.
Yesterday, many of you would have seen one of your colleagues present me an ollos
I accepted the gift.
And today I wish to make him earn a gift of my own in return.
This is for you.
It is the blood of my cycle.
Orestes you...
You say that you have found harmony in me.
Well, I am suggesting that you look elsewhere because I think that there is little harmony or... beauty in that.
Don't you agree?
Yesterday we were discussing the Apollonian cone.
We discussed the circle, the ellipse, the parabola.
Today we will discuss the hyperbola.
- Lady!
Forgive me, Lady.
Olympius requires your presence urgently in the Serapeum.
You as well.
Thank you, Lord.
Thank you, Lord.
Thank you, Lord.
How are we to enjoy them force feeding us the faith and customs to people who until recently becoming outlaws?
- What's happening?
- It's despicable. 
A sacrilege.
Christians have gathered in the Agora.
They are mocking the gods.
We must put an end these insults!
They may not fear him, but they will fear our swords.
Wait!
Wait!
Now, what is it you are going to do?
Are you going to attack them?
Are you going to stain your hands with blood for an insult?
To the gods!
An insult to the gods!
Well, if you think it is so outrageous then go and announce their acts before the prefect.
One might think that you're protecting them.
I am trying to protect our disciples.
You, are inciting them to be violent murderers.
Theon, as director, you have the last word.
The insult must be answered.
Those Jews amongst you do as you please. 
This is not your battle.
As for you Christians, you would do well to join those of your own fate.
You will not caused my disciples out of this house!
- Glory be to Serapis!
- And all the gods!
Wait for my command!
No one must suspect us until we have them surrounded.
The clubs are for the slaves.
Slaves!
Slaves are all for summon!
Davus, back.
No. 
Go back.
Death to Christians!
Glory be to Serapis!
Let's listen to her now!
Do you hear any complaint?
No!
This one has lost her voice too!
Their mouths do not speak, their eyes do not see, their nose doesn't smell.
Yet still, pagans come here and kneel before them.
What madness is this?
For the gods!
Medorus!
Take care of your master!
Protect it..!
God is one!
Death to the pagans!
You! 
What are you looking at?
Get there and fight!
Fight!
Are you deaf?
I said fight!
I'm a Christian!
I am a Christian!
I am a Christian!
- What is Christ?
- Christ is one!
Death to the pagans!
God is one!
No! 
No!
The entrance!
We must defend the entrance!
What's happening?
Our men are being sent back by the Christians!
Father!
It's alright. 
It's alright.
What happened?
It was his slave.
Davus, get me some cloth some water, quickly.
Father...
Synesius, we must get out of here.
Hold him still.
Parabolani are coming!
God is with us!
Hallelujah! 
Hallelujah!
- Close the gates!
- You know our men are still out there!
May the gods protect them.
Close the gates.. 
I said!
Don't kill him! 
He'll be our hostage like the others. 
Did you hear it everyone?
Any Christian you catch is now a hostage.
Take our wounded to the temple and the Christians down into the cellars.
And anyone with a good eye and a good aim up on the walls.
Olympius.
This one is a Christian.
Yes, and those three as well.
If they are Christians, they will go down to the cellars.
Olympius, if you are going to imprison my brothers then you are going to have to imprison me with them.
If it is necessary, I will do that.
If anyone, anyone,
dare lay a finger on one of my brothers
I swear I'll run in for you.
Look!
Look at this!
Orestes.
Thank you.
Since when were there so many Christians?
We'll talk to them to negotiate.
What are we waiting for?
What can we expect from a Christian emperor?
Except we'll be put in a sword.
Our sense of positive being the life when his verdict arrives.
Here will do.
No one should leave the group, please.
Are they going to pray all night?
Davus.
Stay here.
It's safer here.
Just stay with him first.
Synesius! 
What are you doing?
Lady, sister and mother,
May God bless you and protect you.
Move back!
Slaves take it to the back.
Slaves get to the back!
If this three one come out.
It's a disaster.
Father, why don't you leave the dice?
Have you been seen today?
- No.
- No?
Let's have a look.
Promise me, my child, that... when I'm gone, you won't remember this foolish old man.
I promise.
Remember me as I was before.
Before when I could still think and...
I... work with you and...
I listen to you.
How could I have been so wrong?
Seeing you here locked up because of my...
Father, please.
I wanted you to be free.
I am free.
Hey, Christians.
Christians!
What's that confident God of yours doing now?
Maybe coffins for you, scums!
So tell me.
Where are the gods now?
Where are they?
Might as well look for others.
- Others?
Which one? 
The God of the Christians perhaps?
Such boldness!
What do you think, Lady?
You are so bold.
Put the fire out.
You are indeed bold.
Very bold.
I've been thinking about something you said to me.
Me?
That day that you criticize the heavenly mechanism and you called it
whimsical.
- Yes, although...
Actually...
I was criticizing Ptolemy.
For complicating everything with his epicycles.
I don't know perhaps I'm just simple-minded.
No.
No, the heavens should be simple.
So am I right or..?
What if...
What if there were simpler explanations for the wanderers?
There is.
But it is so absurd, so old.
That no one gives it any credit.
What theory is that?
Do you think of Aristarchus?
Aristarchus maintained that the earth moves.
The strange behavior of the wanderers was nothing more than an optical illusion caused by our movement in combination with Earth around the sun.
- Heliocentric model.
That's right.
The sun would be in the center acting as speaking of it as "King of the Stars".
It would make Earth just.. another wanderer.
- His work was lost in the fire that destroyed the mother library.
This is why we have to take great care of this place.
Our library is all that remains of the wisdom of men.
But everytime you drop an object here.
Who speaks?
Forgive me, Mistress.
I was listening.
Speak up, Davus.
If the earth is moving, every time dropping an object it would... fall further behind.
And the wind would always blow against us.
And the birds would lose their way in flight.
I told you
Aristarchus' hypothesis makes no sense at all.
I feel that what you just said can be refuted.
But right now I don't know how.
Make way for the prefect!
Make way!
Make way for the prefect!
Make way!
Listen one and all!
Prepare to hear and obey the verdict of our Emperor.
I, Flavius Theodosius Augustus
Emperor and Supreme Head of the provinces of the Orient, having been informed of the events... which recently took place in the City of Alexandria... do hereby declare and command that the insurgents shall be pardoned and freed.
In exchange for my generosity, the insurgents will abandon the Serapeum and the Library immediately allowing the Christians to enter and dispose off the premises
as they see fit.
What are we to expect?
They'll destroy everything!
Pagans will leave by the stable.
The Books.
And they will be escorted to their homes.
Obey this, instant!
Keep it together!
Send half of the regiment to the other side.
and send the rest later.
Yes, sir.
Prefect.
We won't be able to contain this, not for long.
On the cross! 
On the cross!
Keep yourself together!
Leave the lesser works.
- Which are the lesser works?
- Just take the important ones. 
The important ones.
The soldiers are withdrawing!
Slave!
- Have you seen my mistress?
- Just get over here and help!
- They're not carrying so many.
We need more help.
Please go and get my father out of here. 
Get him out of here now.
Slave!
Go! 
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
Come on, quickly!
Hypatia and her students are still in the atrium.
Are they out of their minds?
If that's what they want, let them burn.
Come on!
Quickly!
Lady.
Where have you been?
Pick up that sack.
Lady We have to go.
- Pick up the sack!
Why are slaves never around when you needed them?
I was...
- Move!
, move your feet, move!
Idiot!
Run!
There is no time!
Lady!
Leave them.
God is one!
Run!
Davus!
Where are you going?
- We have to go!
- Davus, where are you going?
If he wants to die for our gods, let him.
Please, no.
Please don't do this.
- Come on!
- Davus!
- Davus, no!
- Come on!
God is one!
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!
Slave!
Davus!
Davus!
Davus the slave!
Help me with this!
Help me!
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!
Pagan sinners!
The Master's wound is festering.
I know.
I know.
Davus.
Davus!
You're free.
Go.
Hence forth, in Alexandria only Christian and Jewish worship shall be permitted.
Pagan sacrifices, worshipping pagan symbols and visiting pagan temples shall no longer be allowed.
Should anyone commit such an act or dare raise his eyes on the statues of former gods. 
He shall be punished without penance.
Damn Jews!
Damn Jews!
They're just a bunch of good for nothing thugs, packed animals!
Joran, my dear friend, calm down.
Let Bishop Cyril speak in his own defense.
Prefect our blessed parabolani,
Whom he has just called the Beast of Burden.
Devote themselves true enough to carrying burdens.
crippled, the sick, the lepers...
And stones!
Prefect, they carry stones.
And now, they burst into the theatre and stone us knowing we will do nothing to defend ourselves.
Because it is the Sabbath!
On the Sabbath you should honor God in your synagogues instead stuffing yourselves with sweet set of theater.
That is why the stones fell upon you.
Prefect, do you hear that?
Now, he's threatening us. 
This is too much.
Friends, there are more things that unite us than divide us.
We are brothers!
We're all brothers.
Where would you Christians be without the Jews?
Jesus was a Jew!
Jesus was a Jew!
There is.. something I find disturbing in what you've told me.
- What?
Well,
Why does Cyril speak of cleaning up the city?
Is he not satisfied with what he already has?
I think he's just trying to frighten the Jews.
But why say it in front of you?
What if really he was addressing you and not them?
Me?
Why?
I'm as much as Christian as he is.
Yes, but you forget that many of us from your circle are not.
And a full sail, prefect.
Let's go.
- Aspasius, you ready?
Yes, mistress.
I would like you to take the sack and climb to the top of the mast.
And now, Lady,
Will you finally tell me what the point of all this is?
When Aspasius drops the sack, the boat will be moving forward.
Therefore, the sack won't fall at the foot of the mast, but will fall further back.
I would say about... about here.
And what is so special about that?
- Yes!
- But you were wrong!
Yes, but this is definite proof!
It's definitive. 
The sack.
The sack behaved as if the boat was stationary.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
But the same principle could be applied to the Earth.
It could be moving around the Sun without us realizing.
- Aristarchus.
Exactly.
Why do you torment yourself with that, Lady?
Ptolemy's not perfect but... it works.
Orestes, but you are the one who...
A few years ago, you weren't so pragmatic, prefect.
Well, a few years ago, I talked first and thought later.
I have Cepheus third.
37.
48.
Venus and Mars share house in Aquarius.
My father would have celebrated such a conjunction with a good wine.
The stars will not fall.
- Oh really?
No, because they're fixed to the lid of their chests.
The lid will open in two hearts and then Jesus will appear.
What chest are you talking about?
Don't you know that the universe is a gigantic chest?
Heaven is the lid on top and the Earth, the ground...
They haven't told this fool that the Earth is round.
The Earth is flat.
Your head is flat.
Read the Scriptures!
If the earth is round,
Why don't the people at the bottom fall off?
What about the ones on the sides?
Why don't they slide off?
Think about that.
Davus knows.
Hey, brother.
What do you say?
Is the earth is flat or round?
Only God knows those things.
Leave them on the ground!
Leave them on the ground!
That's where they belong.
Lady, you must not lose heart.
Today on the boat you made great progress.
Why do the wanderers bury their brightness?
So unexpectedly.
And what is worse,
Why does the sun?
Why does it change size from summer to winter?
Perhaps because... sometimes it is nearer... and other times it is farther away.
But Aspasius
Watch.
According Aristarchus, the sun must be at the center of everything.
With us, the Earth, traveling in a circle around it.
Therefore, and this is the key.
We're always at exactly... the same... distance.
Now, if as you just said, we accept the changes in distance then we are forced to add and epicycle to the Earth's orbit.
So it's going to be nearer and then it's going to be farther away.
But now we fall into the same trap as Ptolemy.
Circle upon circles.
- Exactly!
So I just do not know how to resolve this conflict.
I mean, the only thing we could do is... displace the sun from the center and well... not to have a center.
It breaks my heart, Aspasius.
So tell me, what do I do?
Rest, lady.
Parabolani!
- Parabolani!
- What is happening?
Parabolani, quick!
Help!
St. Alexander's on fire!
It is a fire.
Come on!
Gather water! 
Get the water!
Quick! 
Take this!
Hurry!
Quick!
Come on, come on!
Parabolani!
Parabolani!
Parabolani, quick!
Where's the fire?
Where's the fire?
Jews! 
It's a trap.
It's a trap!
Christians, all.
Last night was a night to deplore.
Now I say to you.
Grieve no longer for our dead brothers.
Weep not.
Shed your tears for the others, for they are executioners.
Yes, yes.
Weep for them.
For those who have done this,
Know not of God, nor of love nor of parity.
They know not because it is they
who repeat the words of the Scriptures with no understanding at all.
It is they who saw only a man when the Son of God was standing in front of them.
And it is they who in their blindness, mocked him and crucified him.
Yes
Weep!
Weep for the Jews, those evil butchers of our Lord.
Because God... because God, God, God has already condemned them.
It is God's will..
that they live as slaves cursed and exiled until the end of time.
Cursed and exiled!
Cursed and exiled!
Cursed and exiled!
Lady, do not stop, Lady.
Now all the Jews will want to retaliate.
I'm afraid you don't understand what's really happening.
When this is all over, there will be no more Jews in Alexandria.
I'm sorry for busting in like this.
Lady, you should the risk of coming here.
Where are the troops?
Why are there no more soldiers on the streets?
No army could contain that mob.
The entire city is in a frenzy.
Calling to the annihilation of women and children.
A bishop!
- A Christian!
Then lock him up.
Prefect.
You should have him arrested.
It's not so easy.
Lady,
Cyril knows they both share the same faith.
That places our prefect in a very... awkward position.
If he defends the Jews, half the city will rise up against his government.
I see.
But if you choose to do nothing now,
I believe Cyril will continue to do the same thing over and over again and until... until there is no one left in this city.
No people for this government to govern.
How naive of me.
How naive of me to think we have finally chose.
Jews out!
First, they kill them then they bury them.
The Bishop of Cyrene.
- What is he doing here?
I'll find out.
It's my little library of Alexandria.
This is where I teach the children.
An Apollonian cone.
Yes, I built it to teach them about the four curves.
The Circle.
The ellipse.
Orestes should really be here by now.
Parabola.
And hyperbola.
It's truly beautiful.
You know, I often look at it and I always wonder why does the circle coexist with such impure shapes?
When I get to sit here and listen to you again.
I bore you.
It's been a long time since I've done anything but... beat my head against a stone.
Anyhow, there are more important matters at hand.
Forgive me.
Two Christians in the hands of a heathen.
It's an outrage!
It's an outrage!
- How many left?
I don't know but it smells.
Ammonius.
Does God speak with you?
All the time.
Ammonius this, Ammonius that.
Ammonius, Ammonius, Ammonius.
Today, he spoke to me so quickly, I had to ask him slow down.
Tell me something.
Do you ever think we're mistaken?
Why?
I always forgive and... but now, I can't forgive.
Forgive?
Who?
The Jews?
Well, Jesus pardon them on the cross.
Jesus was God and only He can show such clemency.
How dare you compare yourself to God?
Brother.
We are still alive.
Why?
Because it was
His will to save us from the stones.
God wants us here, doing what we do.
Don't you believe in that anymore?
My Lord...
Cyril is a very proud man.
He'll agree to meet, but he wouldn't discuss the Jews, only discuss peace.
Peace?
My suggestion, as your humble adviser in this affair, is for you to accept.
Let peace be foremost.
Lady, what do you think?
- Well.. 
I...
I don't think it's very encouraging.
Why would he want to come and see Orestes without any concrete proposals?
- And there's something else.
He won't come to you.
Demands he meet you in the Library, during the Sunday service.
In the Library?
Why?
Only Christians are being permitted to enter the Library since it was stoned.
It is a provocation!
Allow me to suggest.
If you consider your presence so essential why not let yourself be baptized?
The majority of us here, beginning with our prefect, have accepted Christ.
Why not the rest of you?
It's only a matter of time and you know it!
Really?
It is just a matter of time?
Well, excuse me... honored member but as far as I'm aware your God has not yet proved himself to be more just or more merciful than his predecessors.
Lady.
Is it really just a question of time before I accept your faith?
Why, then, should this assembly accept the counsel of someone who admittedly believes in absolutely nothing?
I believe in philosophy.
Philosophy.
Just what we need in times like this.
Enough!
All these years, I've been studying.
With absolutely no life of my own.
And I wonder, what was the point?
Whoa, forget about what was said today.
Is this all life holds for me?
What else?
I doubt anyone could see as a... devoted wife and mother.
I think...
I think everyone in the city knows the story of the handkerchief.
So...
My father loved a woman.
Even he...
Who have I ever loved?
Except you,
Libanius.
If I could just... just unravel this... just a little bit more.
And just get a little close to the answer then... then I would... then I would go to my grave a happy woman.
Why?
Why does that mean so much to you?
Right now, this very second, the whole Earth could be moving and no one realizes it.
Except you and me.
Believe me Lady, it's best no one does.
Do you really not think it important?
I don't understand why you insist on moving the ground we walk on.
Well, you saw for yourself what happened on the boat.
Yes, I did. 
But that does not necessarily mean the Earth moves.
What if it does?
Hypatia, look around you.
Death, horror destruction.
If the stars move in a circle why would they share their perfection with us?
So we do not move...
In a circle.
We don't move...
Circle.
We do not move in a circle.
Ever since Plato, all of them: 
Aristarchus Hipparchus, Ptolemy, they have all tried to reconcile their observations with circular orbits but...
What if another shape is hiding in the heavens?
Another shape?
Lady, there is no shape purer than the circle. 
You taught us that.
I know, but suppose just suppose the... purity of the circle has blinded us from seeing anything beyond it.
The same way that the glare of the sun blind us from actually seeing the stars.
I must begin all over with... with new eyes.
I must rethink everything.
I have to rethink everything.
Reading from the first letter of Paul to Timothy.
I desire therefore, that everywhere men should lift up holy hands in prayer without anger or disputing.
In like manner,
I desire women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety not with braided hair
or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,
but with good deeds.
- Why is he reading this passage?
I don't know, prefect.
I assure you it is not the one we agreed on.
That a woman learn in quietness and in full submission.
I do not permit a woman... to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence.
This is the word of God!
Amen.
Amen.
Jesus himself knew this when he entrusted his holy legacy to twelve men
Men.
Not a woman among them.
And yet,
I know of some in Alexandria who admire and even trust in the word of a woman.
The philosopher Hypatia.
A woman who declared, in public, her ungodliness.
A witch!
Dignitaries, it is time for you all to reconcile yourselves with Christ.
This is the word of God.
Kneel before it and embrace its truth.
Kneel.
Is he not going to kneel?
Is he not going to kneel?
Kneel!
Kneel!
Sinner!
I am a Christian!
- I am a Christian!
- You're not a Christian!
I'm as Christian as you are.
Make way for the prefect!
Make way!
I am a baptized Christian!
I am a baptized Christian!
I'll kill you.
I am as Christian as you.
I am as Christian as you are.
I mean, how could such a thing be possible?
The culprit has been executed.
I would like you to take me to the prefect immediately.
Lady, he himself gave the order for you to be confined to the house until further notice.
At the moment your presence on the streets is not advisable.
For what reason?
Cyril has made some serious accusations against you.
And um...
What does he accused me of?
Ungodliness...
And witchcraft.
I see.
Is something bothering you, Lady?
No.
Why don't you tell me what's worrying you?
Prefect, why don't you bite on it?
Speak.
The Bishop of Cyrene wishes to see you.
All of you...
Prefect, the wound is not yet closed.
Get out.
Get out!
All of you out!
Out!
Well, that went well.
You think I had a part on this?
Would I show my face here if I wanted to betray you?
- Are you blind?
I was, yes, I was blind.
Well, it's my head.
He's wanted all along, it's me... that snake is after.
This government!
This city!
Now, listen.
- War is brewing.
I know.
I know.
Do you swear your loyalty to me?
To the Empire?
Do it.
Condemn him or get out.
I will do it.
On my knees, if necessary.
And not only that.
In a few days, I can gather other bishops from the province and amongst from the desert all against Cyril.
First, I must ask you a question.
Orestes, do you believe in Jesus?
Do I what?
- Do you believe in Jesus?
- Do I what!
?
Are you a true Christian?
Or did you like so many others, only convert
- to prosper in politics?
- Synesius.
Why didn't you kneel?
- What choice did I have?
- Why didn't you kneel?
What choice did I have?
Betray Hypatia?
Condemn her?
Would you have done that?
I would never offend God.
It's he, he is offending God.
He is offending him.
He's twisting his words, he's using the Scriptures.
He read what is written.
How many women do you obey?
How many?
How many do you admire and listen to?
Only
One.
Only one.
The Scripture...
The Scripture is correct... and it was in His hands.
Brother, don't you see?
Don't you see the insult to God?
In front of everyone.
I don't know...
I don't know what...
what I believe.
You have to tell him.
Go tell him now, Orestes.
Tell him you believe in what is written.
Don't tell me.
Tell Him.
Tell God.
Kneel!
Kneel!
Many are those who remember today the miracles our beloved brother performed in life.
Like the time he commended himself to the Father and threw himself into fire and was not even singe.
Ammonius, dead of bravely defending your faith in Christ.
I proclaim you a martyr.
A saint.
From now on, you shall be known as...
Saint Taumasius.
We want justice!
Justice!
May God show us the way, my dear parabolani.
Little else can I say to you.
What about the monks of Nitria?
We can win at least 500 of them.
plus 500 of our own men...
Do you think that's enough?
- He's the prefect...
He has a whole army to protect him.
Listen!
Why don't we do something much more simple and effective?
What are you talking about?
We can hurt him where it hurts most...
How?
That whore.
- Who?
What if we dared to look at the world just as it is?
Let us share for a moment every preconceived idea.
What shape would it show us?
What shape?
You once said that the problem lies in the inconsistency of the sun.
Yes I did, good.. good Put it into words.
The sun must be at the center, since we revolve around it.
And at the same time, in another position since our distance from it varies.
Yes, exactly.
- How?
How could it occupy two positions?
How could I occupy two positions at once?
How could I occupy two positions at once?
Aspasius...
Yes, yes. 
There.
And then the other one here.
Keeping the same proportion.
Good. 
Very good.
Now, tie this end to that torch.
Aspasius.
I want you to imagine that this is the Earth.
And that each of these flames represent the two extreme positions of the sun in relation to it.
In winter and in summer.
What would happen if both these positions with the two centers of one and the same circle?
But it is impossible, mistress.
Wait. 
What do we know about a circle?
We know that the center of a circle is always the same distance from any point along its perimeter.
- Exactly.
Yes, so...
What if I divide the center into two... but what I keep constant is the sum of their two distances to the perimeter.
Alright, look. 
I'll show you.
Watch. 
As I move this rod along the cord, as one segment increases the other segment decreases, and vice versa.
Therefore the sum of the two is always going to be constant.
Do you see that?
Now, what if we apply this to the movement of the Earth?
What... figure... will be obtained?
An ellipse!
With the sun at one of its foci.
Because, what is a circle except a very special ellipse whose foci have joined so close together that they appear to be one.
Perhaps, I'm completely raving, Aspasius.
I mean, why should this be so?
Maybe I'm just...
Maybe I'm...
What do you think?
It could well be solved, mistress.
Well done, we'll continue with this tomorrow.
Get some sleep.
Good night, mistress.
Good night.
Thank you.
Davus!
Davus!
What are you doing?
Lady.
Let me see.
Why don't you sit down?
Where is everybody?
Please sit down.
I have..
I have news for you too.
All dignitaries who have yet to embrace the Christian faith are to be baptized
in public.
The aim very clear:
It's to add to our cause, all the Christians in the city decent folk, better to fight for me.
You speak of battling faith.
Very well.
It seems everything seems to have been decided already.
I don't understand why you required my presence here.
I am not a member of government.
No, you are more than that.
You are the person I trust most and everyone knows it.
What can I say?
Lady.
Many years ago, years ago, you taught us something.
If...
If two are... equal to a third they are... all are equal to each other.
Do you remember?
Yes
The three of us, we are all good people.
And you, you are as Christian as we are!
Synesius, you don't question what you believe.
You cannot.
I must.
Well...
That's a pity,
Lady.
A great pity.
Our revered teacher taken away from what she herself taught us.
Or do you think I'm not aware of the insane things you invoke.
- Synesius!
With Earth moving around the Sun.
What next, Lady, what next?
You must let me go.
Let me in!
- I'll go straight to her.
- Why does she wanna see a parabolani?
- Lady!
Go away before we arrest you.
- Leave!
- Aspasius!
It's me, Davus.
Get off me.
- Tell them who I am 
- I know this man, please.
What do you want?
I need to speak to her. 
I need to speak to the mistress. 
Where is she?
Mistress is not here.
- It's urgent! 
Where is she?
She's at the prefect's palace.
- Where?
- The prefect palace!
Prefect's palace. 
Thank you.
- Get out of here.
Who was that?
He was a slave once.
Wait, please!
Wait! 
I beg you.
If you don't agree, I won't be able to protect you any longer.
I won't be able to have dealings with you neither greet you.
Hypatia.
Don't you see?
I can't go on without you.
I cannot.
Without you, I can't defeat Cyril.
Orestes.
Cyril has already won.
Thank you.
I do not need you.
Davus!
Brother! 
Where are you going?
We found her!
Come on, walk!
Move it, sinner!
Whore!
Witch!
Pagan sinner!
Move! 
Come on!
Witch!
Strip her naked!
Get up.
That's it. 
So that God can behold in all your filth, whore.
The way you knock the prefect so hard.
Heathen!
Whore.
Look, she's not reacting.
She will scream all right when we skin her alive.
How many of you have knives?
- None.
Don't stain your hands with impure blood.
Let's stone her!
Let's stone this witch!
- Get some stones.
- Quickly!
The ones we throw at Orestes.
they are still here.
I'll stay with her.
She fainted.
The body of Hypatia was mutilated and the remains were dragged through the streets and burned in a fire.
Orestes was outlawed forever and Cyril took control of the power in Alexandria.
Later, Cyril was declared a Saint and Doctor of the Church.
Although not any of Hypatia works remains, it is known that she was an exceptional astronomer, well-known for the mathematical study of conical curves.
One thousand, two hundred years later, in the 17th century, astronomer Johannes Kepler described that one of those curves, the ellipse, governs the movement of the planets.

The late fourth century A.D. the Roman Empire began to crumble.
Alexandria, in the province of Egypt, still retaining some of its luster possessed one of the Seven Wonders of the ancient world:... the legendary lighthouse, and the biggest library known.
The library was a not only cultural but a religious symbol a place where the pagans worshiped their ancestral gods.
The traditional pagan worship in the city now coexisted with the Jews, and an unstoppable religion up to now banned, Christianity.
Library of Alexandria, 391 D.C.
After taking the library, many pagans were converted.
Hipatia continued teaching and researching, while his former students held important positions in the social elite.
The empire was split in two forever.
Many Christians saw this as a sign of the end of the world and decided to prepare by practicing a more holy life.
The order of "Parabolanos" monks was charged to go through the streets and watch for Christian morality now uneven by the presence of the Jews.
The Library, years later.
The body of Hipatia was mutilated and the remains were dragged through the streets and burned in a fire.
Orestes was outlawed forever and Cirilo took control of the power in Alexandria.
Later, Cirilo was declared a Saint and Doctor of the Church.
Although not any of Hipatia works remains, it is known that she was an exceptional astronomer, well-known for the mathematical study of conical curves.
One thousand, two hundred years later, in the 17th century, astronomer Johannes Kepler described that one of those curves, the ellipse, governs the movement of the planets.

previously on criminal minds...
The boston reaper?
the reaper.
If you stop hunting me, i'll stop hunting them.
I don't make deals.
i'm the guy who hunts guys like you.
You'll regret this.
[gunfire, screaming]
Wake up, derek.
it's time to die.
George foyet is the reaper.
Foyet escaped.
where's my badge?
Guards found him in his cell vomiting blood and convulsing.
They rushed him to the prison hospital.
They're gonna find him, right?
No, they're not.
You should have made a deal.
[gunshot]
Dispatcher: all units in the vicinity of north harney boulevard,
Shots fired at 751 north harney.
Repeat, all units, shots fired
At 751 north harney.
We're not working a case.
Why call us to a crime scene?
I was hoping you knew.
Jj said the police told her it was urgent.
4 hours of sleep after what we went through in canada, it better be.
[sirens]
Oh, you guys are already here.
You guys remember detective walker?
Thanks for being here.
I understand none of you are working on much rest.
Who's the victim?
His name is nelson martinez.
From what we can figure, he answered his door,
Was forced into the apartment at gunpoint
And then shot in the chest.
it was all pretty sloppy.
No disrespect, but i don't understand why you need us here.
2 days ago, a local doctor named tom barton
Found a note addressed to him at the hospital.
It said the person was planning to kill his son.
If dr. barton tried to keep his boy hidden,
One person would die every day in his place.
And you think this is connected?
Reid:
the note is signed l.c.
Walker:
yesterday we had another victim.
Multiple gunshots outside the apartment.
The shooter wrote l.c. in white chalk next to the body.
Now, unless dr. barton puts his son in harm's way,
We're going to keep having a victim a day.
Where's barton now?
He's at home. he doesn't know about this victim yet.
Where's hotch?
He's not answering his cell.
i assume it's on vibrate.
He'll get the message when he wakes up.
Try him again. he can meet us at barton's house.
[cell phone rings] [ring]
Hotch: you've reached supervisory special agent aaron hotchner.
Please leave a detailed message. thank you.
[beep]
Hotch, jj again.
Listen, we're gonna need you to meet us at an address
In mclean, virginia-- 120 kensington road.
Call me when you get this.
Prentiss: dr. barton, where is your son right now?
Um, i asked him to stay up in his room.
Jj: and what did you tell him?
[clears throat]
I told him that there was a threat against me at the hospital.
I told him the police didn't take it seriously
But that they wanted me to stay here for a few days
And that i wanted to have him with me.
And jeffrey's mother?
She died when he was 10.
Breast cancer.
Would someone really hurt jeffrey?
2 people are dead already.
Whoever sent that note is obviously serious.
And if i don't let jeffrey out of the house,
Then another person's gonna die?
Right now we have to assume that he will keep killing.
My son is 15 years old.
I understand.
I cannot put him in danger.
We are not asking you to.
And even if you were willing,
We couldn't send him to school
Knowing he would endanger every student in the building.
What we need to do now
Is go over everything we know,
Piece together how this person fits into your life.
Well, i--i-- i can't think of anyone
Who would want to kill jeffrey.
Whoever wrote that note was putting you on notice--
This is personal.
He wants you to remember who he is,
And until that happens, he hasn't accomplished what he set out to do.
Morgan: i know you've been asked this before, but, please,
Think again-- do you know anyone with the initials l.c.
[sighs] i've looked everywhere--
Day planner, emails,
Patient lists.
there's no one.
Have you noticed anyone who might have been watching you,
Either at the hospital or here in the neighborhood?
I...i'm sorry.
Both the victims he's killed have been hispanic men in their 40s.
Have you had a patient recently that fits the description?
I'm a trauma surgeon in d.c.
I have endless patients, all demographics.
We're gonna need records of all your recent surgeries.
Of course.
I'll call garcia.
I--i don't understand.
If he's mad at me, why not just kill me?
Jj. is there any word from hotch?
No, nothing.
Huh. that's not like him.
Yeah, i know.
[cell phone rings]
It's mine.
[ring]
Dad?
hello?
Jeffrey?
Please don't be mad at me.
What--what's happening?
are you ok?
Jeffrey, what's going on?
Talk to me.
He's not up here.
Jeffrey, where are you?
I'm at school.
I'm ok. please tell the police that i'm ok.
I love you.
jeffrey--
Rossi: karl krauss said,
"a weak man has doubts before a decision.
A strong man has them afterwards."
[overlapping chatter]
Dr. barton, please.
You need to go back inside.
I'm coming with you.
i'm gonna get my son.
Sir, right now nobody is getting your son.
Agent prentiss will explain it.
I don't need an explanation.
i'm getting jeffrey.
You need to listen right now.
Once your son left this house,
The safest place for him to be is at that school.
We can control access in and out.
Detective walker will organize an evacuation
As soon as the school day is done.
But if we incite a panic now
And the unsub is outside, a lot of kids are gonna die.
What if the killer is already at the school?
Then we'll be there, too.
Let us do our job.
Jeffrey knows better than this.
He doesn't put himself in danger.
I think he's just trying to do the right thing.
He sees what his father does for a living.
This is his way of trying to save lives, too.
You'll be there?
Yes.
Tell him i'm not mad at him.
Tell him i love him, and, uh...
I'm proud of him.
We will.
This guy's a trauma surgeon
Working a major metropolitan area.
We are talking thousands of surgeries.
Confine it to the last 6 months.
That's still hundreds.
I know.
Ok, do you want biographical information
Or full medical charts?
Can you get the full medical charts?
You know, for a smart boy,
You still ask a lot of dumb questions.
You'll have them in seconds.
Yes, my love.
hey, garcia.
Has hotch checked in with you?
He's not with you?
He's probably on his way.
Uh, thanks for everything. bye.
She's going to email the files. we'll print them out from here.
I could have my office send over the files.
No, no, trust us, this is faster.
We need to dig through your life
And try to figure out why this is happening.
Let's start with the most recent cases first,
Something set this guy off, and odds are it's in your files.
[bell rings]
I need to notify all the parents.
We think that's a mistake.
I'm in charge of keeping these kids safe.
Exactly. and there's a natural end to this day,
When buses and parents come to pick these kids up.
Whoever's doing this is not an effectual shooter.
His killings are sloppy.
So if there's a panic, a lot of people could be caught in the crossfire.
Can't you just take jeffrey home?
If we do that and the unsub is watching,
Someone else is gonna be killed.
Then what?
We lock up every filter point except the front door.
Nobody comes in.
we say it's school policy.
No questions. and if someone needs to see a student,
We bring the kids to them.
I'll need a complete list and employment records
Of everyone already inside the building.
I'll brief your security guards
And take care of all of the exits.
After that, i need you to gather the faculty
Into small groups and bring them to me.
Treat it as routine.
And in the meantime, i need you
To get jeffrey out of class as casually as possible.
Can you do that?
Jeffrey barton.
Can i see you for a moment?
[students murmuring]
Hey, jeffrey.
My name's derek morgan.
i'm with the fbi.
I saw you in my living room.
Listen, the first thing i need to know
Is if you've told anyone about what's happening?
No.
[students talking indistinctly]
Back to class.
no loitering.
Jeffrey, you're sure?
Because even just one text message could set this place off.
I'm sure.
All right, that's good.
We're gonna keep you safe, kid.
But in order to do that, you're gonna have to stay calm.
And you're also gonna have to trust me.
You understand?
Every time you step out of class,
I will be right here.
Now, it's gonna look like i'm just another
Adult in the hallway with principal findlay,
But i got your back.
Is my dad ok?
He knows you were just trying to do the right thing.
He just wants to get you home safe.
Do you think somebody's trying to kill me
To get back at him?
It is possible.
Do you know why?
That's what we need to figure out.
Let's concentrate on the note.
For starters, we know that he's male.
How can you be sure?
Women tend to add adjectives
And very specific details to their notes.
This has none of those.
Males are also more direct.
First sentence--"i plan to kill your son."
And their notes tend to be more about themselves
Than the person they're writing to.
"i watched you every day."
"i will watch you lose everything."
We know he surveilled you and your son,
Which means he either has enough money
To be away from a regular job
Or he's currently unemployed.
He's most likely a father.
He's clearly grieving.
He's taken great measures to make sure you feel his pain.
Let's start with cases involving teenagers killed,
But also anyone with a strong family presence.
Just because your son is 15,
That doesn't necessarily mean that his child is the same age.
Have you had a lot of cases like this,
Where someone taunts you with what they're gonna do?
A few.
And how did they end?
Please.
Suicide by cop seems to be an effective way
For them to make their point,
While ending their suffering all at once.
Jeffrey is leaving school in 5 hours.
There's no way we can get through all these patients in this time.
Well, now, we've narrowed it down already.
And we still have 100 left.
I'm sorry, i don't mean to be callous,
But when you work in the e.r., you don't remember names.
You operate and you move on.
He's right. there are too many files here
For us to profile in such a short period of time.
Um, i can get to hotch's
And get back here in half an hour.
Who's that?
He's our supervisor.
We weren't supposed to work today.
We're having trouble getting ahold of him.
But we need more eyes.
The note doesn't say that he'll kill jeffrey today,
It says, "if not today, tomorrow or the next day."
Let's say he gets home safe.
How long will you all be around to make sure he's ok?
Let's just get through today.
[clears throat]
[bell rings] [overlapping chatter]
[bell rings]
[car alarm chirps]
[knocking on door]
Hotch? 
it's me--emily.
Overtime shift.
penelope speaking.
Garcia, it's emily.
I need you to listen really carefully.
Something's happened to hotch.
What do you mean, something?
I don't know.
I'm in his place.
he's not here, but there's blood.
Oh, my god.
I need you to send police
And fbi techs here right away.
Everyone available.
Uh, do we need an apb?
Only on hotch.
i checked out front.
his car's still here.
I don't know.
someone took him?
There's blood, but i can't be sure whose it is.
Just get people here.
Ok, i'm sending an army.
Garcia, i'm gonna have to tell reid
Because he's expecting me back,
But you can't tell the others.
They cannot be distracted.
Ok. ok.
[cell phone rings]
Hey.
What?
What--what are you talking about?
What's going on?
Is this about jeffrey?
No, no, it's unrelated.
We only have a few hours left here.
I'm really sorry, i have to take this phone call, ok?
What could be more important than my son right now?
I assure you, this will take one second.
please, i promise.
Fine.
There's a huge hole in the wall.
Probably a .44, but there's no blood or tissue spray around it.
Any idea how he got out?
If he was shot, there are no drag marks.
But a body could have been wrapped in something.
And bureau techs are on the way?
Any second.
All right, um, write down everything you see
And we'll profile from your notes when you get back.
How's dr. barton?
It's a huge list of cases to go through with him.
Ok, don't worry about here. i've got this.
just stay focused.
All right. you, too.
Uh, dr. barton?
Sorry about that.
Agent prentiss has been called away on an emergency.
You gotta be kidding me.
I'm confident that the two of us
Can do this together right now. all right?
We know he's been killing hispanic males as surrogates.
Did you separate the case files?
Yeah.
All right, how many of the surgeries
Fit the criteria?
Um, 82.
All right.
now let me ask you this.
On how many of those dates
Did you operate on somebody else as well?
75.
Did any of those patients die on the table?
10. um, no, wait. 11.
11. that's where we start.
This whole thing is about choice.
He's forcing you to play god with your son
Because the last time you had a choice,
Your decision devastated him.
I'm a doctor.
i save people.
It doesn't matter to him.
all that matters to him
Is that you had an alternative
And you didn't take it.
Now, how many of those surgeries
Involve patients under 20?
Uh...6.
We get a lot of shootings, mostly gang related.
Has a gang member or family member ever threatened you?
No, uh, at first when you lose someone
It's mostly confusion and devastation.
The anger comes later.
All right, we have 6 dates where you operated
On an hispanic male on the same night a patient under 20 died.
What i'm gonna do is i'm gonna read the names and dates
And you tell me anything you can remember, ok?
Ok.
All right, let's start with january 22nd.
Tyler hayes, multiple gunshot wounds.
February 13th, brian douglas,
Hit-and-run victim, lacerated aorta.
No.
March 15th, devon marks,
Heroin overdose.
Angela harris, another car accident,
Single vehicle, bleeding into her brain.
I...this is no use.
I would remember if i was threatened.
Did any of them ask you about your family?
We have time.
[clock ticking]
Ok.
I talked to detective walker.
Final bell's at 3:10.
he's gonna have a s.w.a.t. unit
In place at exactly 3:00 to escort kids out.
We'll need you to gather the students at 2:45.
This could all be happening now.
If the unsub sees us evacuate early,
We feel certain he'll kill another random citizen.
And this also buys us a day to try and discover his identity.
So we'll have school buses for evacuation.
Teachers can brief parents who are here to pick up their kids.
The key is to keep jeffrey isolated and avoid panic with the other students.
If we can do that, everybody gets out of here safe.
Have you cross-checked all the records of employees in the building
Against dr. barton?
Garcia's on it.
Emily.
[telephone rings]
No. sorry, baby girl, just little old me.
You're out of luck.
Right. sorry.
Did you finish the background check on everyone in the building?
Yeah. uh, no red flags, no felonies, no connection to barton.
Ok, well, that's good.
All right, listen, i gotta go.
there's about to be a bell.
All right. be safe.
Hey. everything ok?
Yeah. oh, yeah, i'm just tired.
Yeah, i hear you.
Let's just get this kid home safe and we can all sleep.
Right.
[school bell rings] [overlapping chatter]
Excuse me.
I'm supposed to meet with principal findlay.
Can you tell me where her office is?
Georgetown hospital.
Hi. my name's penelope garcia.
i'm from the fbi.
I was calling to see if an agent aaron hotchner
Had been admitted to the emergency room?
Supervisory special agent aaron hotchner.
Hotchner, aaron.
I wanted to see if he had been admitted or if...
Yeah, he's an fbi agent.
What...
When was that?
Ok. thank you.
Oh, my god.
[cell phone rings]
Talk to me, garcia.
Ok, i--i called hospitals to see if hotch
Had gotten himself admitted to an emergency room.
And?
He's not listed as a patient,
But someone dropped a john doe off
At st. sebastian hospital,
And that someone's name was fbi agent derek morgan.
It doesn't make sense.
I know. do you think they got their credentials mixed up?
The reaper.
Foyet took morgan's creds.
Why would he drop him off at the e.r.?
What hospital did you say again?
St. sebastian hospital.
I'll call you with an update when i get there.
Yeah.
I don't understand.
These surgeries are all hours apart.
I didn't have to choose between patients.
If he's punishing me for my choices, none of these fit.
All right, look at the note again
And compare against the wording on the charts.
A lot of times an unsub will unconsciously mirror
The wording of situations.
You remember something?
Uh, i don't know.
it was right after new year's.
There was a car accident.
One of the victims was hispanic.
New year's...
Um...
January 3rd, there's a 2-car collision,
You operated on a hector ledezma.
That was your only surgery that night.
Mrs. ledezma?
The collision lacerated his kidney.
He lost a lot of blood.
But we were able to repair the damage.
So, it'll take some time, but he'll be just fine.
What about my son?
I'm sorry?
Jason meyers. he's 18.
He was in the accident.
Your son was dead when he arrived here.
That's because i didn't operate on the boy.
They told me he's breathing.
He's been put on life support.
But, um...
i'm afraid he no longer has brain function.
I'm very sorry.
You're not even gonna operate.
It's too late.
You don't even know who he was.
She had to give you the chart.
I'm sorry.
Do you have children?
A son.
What would you say to a doctor
Who wouldn't even try to save him?
I'm sorry. i know it's hard to understand, believe me,
But there is nothing i can do.
Garcia, i need you to find a patient in the system
Named jason meyers.
He was admitted january 3rd,
On life support.
Oh, no.
What?
He was taken off the ventilator
And declared legally dead 3 days ago.
Who's his father?
Yeah, uh, patrick meyers, age 45.
Get a photo into the school immediately.
I think he's our unsub.
Ok. yeah.
it's on its way.
He was stabbed 9 times, but no major arteries were hit.
It's a miracle he's alive.
When will he wake up?
The anesthesia should wear off within the hour.
But he's bound to be out of it.
Ok.
May i stay here?
Of course.
Thank you.
[indistinct instructions]
Don't worry. as soon as the building's clear,
You're gonna get your own escort out of here.
Come on, no pushing.
one at a time.
Let's keep it moving.
Nice and orderly.
This abbreviation right here, l.c.,
What does that stand for?
[clears throat]
Where are you going?
The note says not to deviate from my routine,
And i always pick up jeffrey on my days off.
I'm gonna come with you.
[cell phone rings]
Yeah.
L.c. on the unsub's note.
It stands for "living children."
Are you sure?
It's administrative.
it's when they're afraid
A patient's gonna go on life support
And they don't have a dnr order.
Reid?
What if the unsub was trying to tell dr. barton
That he is actually the target
And that he's gonna leave his son without a father?
[door opens]
Barton!
Doctor!
Uhh!
Reid?
Answer me.
Reid?
This is special agent emily prentiss from the fbi.
I need police and an ambulance
To 120 kensington road, mclean, virginia.
Shots fired, federal agent possibly down.
are you hit?
No.
Get my gun. my gun.
Get away from him!
get away from him.
Whatever you do, stay down.
Drop the gun!
don't protect him.
He killed my son!
He did not kill your son.
your son was killed by a car accident.
Stand up!
I'm gonna ask you again,
I do not want to shoot you,
Please drop the gun.
Stand up, you coward!
Mr. meyers, listen to me.
All right, it's over.
Dr. barton did not kill your son.
Your son was killed by a car.
And this is not what he would want.
Ok?
So drop the gun.
Please.
[sirens]
Don't do it.
I'm sorry.
I'm fine. go to him.
go to him.
Kick his gun away. make sure his gun's not near him.
No...no, don't touch me.
Oh, i want to die.
Oh, don't touch me.
I need to stop the bleeding, ok?
Let me die.
The medics are almost here.
can you keep him stabilized?
Yes, i think so.
Hold on, hold on, they're right here.
Help is coming, all right?
Hold on, hold on.
We need a backboard and a c-collar.
Coming right up.
Put pressure on this right here.
Call ahead to the e.r., tell them they got a gsw
To the thoracic cavity and have him redlined to the o.r. stat.
Ohh...don't touch me.
[sirens]
Looks like it went clean through.
You might have just saved his life.
Keep pressure on this, ok?
I'm good, i'm fine.
go to your son.
i'm good. i'm fine. go.
Jeffrey.
You ok?
Reid: yeah, fine.
We'll get you to a hospital.
You need to find emily.
call emily.
Where is she?
Something's happened to hotch.
He still isn't conscious yet.
You sure it was foyet?
He had morgan's credentials.
Did they catch him on the security cam?
You could see him dropping hotch off,
But the camera's only on the entrance,
So i have no idea what direction he went once he left the hospital.
It doesn't make sense for him to have brought hotch to the e.r.
Rossi: we know foyet gets off on power and control.
Maybe what he wants is for hotch to know his life was in his hands.
He could do that without risking the hospital.
Agents, he's waking up.
Remember, he's weak.
don't push him.
Where am i?
In the hospital.
How did i get here?
Foyet drove you.
Can you remember what happened?
You should have made a deal.
What did he take?
What do you mean?
The reaper always takes something from his victims.
Do we know what he took?
There was a page missing from your day planner
In the address section, the bs.
What did he leave?
I don't know.
He also leaves something with his victims.
I looked over your whole apartment.
Nothing felt out of place.
Where are my clothes?
Haley's maiden name is brooks.
I always listed her in the bs in my personal information
In case it fell into the wrong hands.
He knows where they live.
Haley's not answering.
Garcia.
Right here.
I need fbi s.w.a.t. deployed to hotch's old address.
Do it now.
Oh, god, do you think he's going after haley and jack?
I don't know.
just send a s.w.a.t. team.
Tell them to wait for instructions.
we're on our way.
Consider them there.
We need to be prepared for what we might find.
Foyet kept hotch alive.
he wouldn't do that without a reason.
You should have made a deal.
[gunshot]
Is this part of my profile--
You can't show me fear?
If you don't see fear, maybe it's because i'm not afraid of you.
You said that like you actually meant it.
How's my friend agent morgan?
Are you here to kill me, or are you here to play games?
You tell me.
Enlighten me about my behavior.
So tell me,
Would i use this?
Uhh!
Uhh!
[rapid beeping]
Doctor: what happened?
I don't know.
Agent hotchner.
can you hear me?
Agent hotchner?
I'm ok.
I'm gonna need you to step out of the room.
Breathe in slowly.
And exhale.
Ready in back?
Ready.
Go!
[music playing]
Aah!
Oh, my god!
it's ok. it's ok.
What are you doing here?
It's ok.
everything's ok.
We got her.
What's going on?
Is there anyone else in the house?
No, there's no one here.
Haley, where's jack?
He's at a friend's house for a play date.
We need to get him back here.
We'll explain everything.
Where's aaron?
He's in the hospital.
What?
Haley, please.
Call for jack. tell them i'm on the way to pick him up.
I promise you we'll explain.
Call for him right now.
Text me the address.
Tell me what happened to aaron.
They will kill you.
Shh.
Don't speak.
You lost a lot of blood.
You'll need your oxygen.
Do you know how much you have to study the human body
To stab yourself repeatedly and not die?
I don't want to brag, but i'm somewhat of an expert.
[groans]
Do you want to see my scars?
What do you think?
You like 'em?
Huh?
Yours are gonna look just the same.
My team...
Your team.
Your team didn't catch me until i wanted them to.
You're not in charge, so don't be foolish.
Now try to relax.
Your body will go numb.
[groans]
And it goes in so much easier...
If you relax.
The hard part
Is not passing out from the pain.
Now, i understand that profilers think
That stabbing is a substitution for the act of sex.
That if somebody's impotent,
They'll use a knife instead.
Is that what you think, agent hotchner?
Maybe this will change the way that you profile.
[groans] [cell phone rings]
They're safe.
Is this really necessary?
I'm afraid so.
For how long?
Rossi: i don't know.
Mommy!
They let me turn on the siren!
Wow, that's so great, baby!
did you have fun?
Ohh...
I'll help start a bag in jack's room.
Ok.
How many times did you run it?
How many times? 
3?
You were at my place, right?
Could you tell how he got in?
I'm not sure.
Do you want to talk about what happened?
I don't know.
After he stabbed me the first time, it all goes blank.
How do you feel?
I'm gonna be ok.
Did they explain to you what's happening?
They said the marshals service
Is taking us straight from here
And putting us into protective custody.
Haley, i'm sorry.
Do you know where they're gonna take us?
No, i don't.
And that's the point.
I can't know where you're going.
If you have any contact with anyone,
Then he could track you.
Jack has school.
he has friends.
I have a job now.
I know.
And i'm sorry.
We will catch him
And you'll come back,
And i promise that i will spend the rest of my life
Making this up to you.
Are you sure that we're in danger?
Yes.
And what about you?
are you gonna be safe?
He wants to see me suffer.
Knowing that my son is out there
And that i can't see him is better than killing me.
What am i supposed to say to jack?
Tell him it's a vacation
And that it's not gonna be for very long.
How am i supposed to keep him safe
If there is no one i know to help me?
Haley, you're strong.
You lived with me in this job,
And you've practically raised jack all by yourself.
You're a great mother.
Can you catch this man?
I will catch this man.
Jack wants to come in.
I want to see him, too.
I just don't think it's a good idea.
Look, i know you're trying to protect him.
But you both need this.
Please.
Ok.
[groans]
Hey, buddy.
Come on in.
All right.
Ohh!
Don't worry. it's ok.
The doctors made sure that i'm completely fine.
Did mommy tell you that you two are gonna take a trip?
Yeah.
So i'm not gonna see you for a while.
Why?
Well, think about it like when daddy goes away for work.
Only this time you and mommy get to go someplace.
But what do i tell you every time i go away?
You love me.
More than anything in the world.
Are you ok?
I'm very proud of you.
Every single day.
I'll see you soon, ok?
Ok.
You take care of mom, ok?
Ok.
I know aaron's worried.
Tell him i'll protect them like they're my own.
I just talked to spence.
he's gonna be fine.
He's gonna have to be on crutches for a while,
But he said kicking down doors is morgan's job, anyway.
You know, foyet having your credentials
Had nothing to do with any of this.
It was just his way of trying to torture you.
Yeah, i know.
Foyet's about power and control.
He was hoping to watch me fall apart, and...
Now he wants to destroy hotch.
Prentiss: exactly.
That's his plan,
And now we fight it.
Did you hear what happened this morning?
No.
We had a situation.
Unsub had already killed 2 people.
Said he was gonna keep killing
Unless a man used his son as bait.
What happened?
We kept the boy safe.
Worked the profile.
It was a happy ending.
Do you know why i'm telling you this?
Yes.
No other group in the world
Could have pulled off what your team did
In a matter of hours.
I appreciate what you're trying to do, dave.
We'll get foyet.
I promised haley that we would get him,
But the truth is, if he stops killing,
We have no way of tracking him.
He stopped killing for 10 years just for the pleasure
Of watching shaunessy's life fall apart.
What's jack gonna remember about me in 10 years?
Hotch, look at me.
I'm telling you,
We'll get him.

What was that?
Honey, are the kids up? 
What are they doing?
I peed.
Kevin peed the bed.
Our bed? 
Uh-huh.
All 500 thread counts of Egyptian cotton.
- I'm sorry.
- You're sorry?
I don't want you to worry about it, buddy.
It'll happen again your freshman year of college, trust me.
No more sodas before bed!
Sit down here. 
But I like soda.
How you doing, big guy? 
Good morning.
Let's have a big morning!
Let's start off with a little breakfast, get our Froot Loops.
Here's Daddy's coffee. 
And I need it.
Here's your bowl of fruit, without the loops.
Why no loop?
Daddy doesn't need loops.
I gotta eat it. 
If I eat a big meal now, then I can watch what I eat later.
Otherwise, I'll get starved and raid the refrigerator.
Okay, honey. 
We've got to hurry up, 'cause we got to go to hockey.
I thought you could do that because I might try to get a little bit of work done today.
Honey, we have to go by the showroom and pick out the tile.
I want you to see it. 
We talked about this last week and I told you how important today was for me.
I'm Mega Man! 
May the best team win!
Okay, guys, let's keep it down.
Keep the eyes on the... 
On the screen.
You guys doing good?
- Yes.
Honey? 
Yeah.
What do you think? 
Nickel, brushed nickel, chrome or brushed chrome?
I like the silver ones.
They're all silver.
Well, great. 
Pick out whichever knob that you like, then.
No, I'm not gonna pick whichever knob I like because you know what's gonna happen?
Is that I'm gonna pick one and then you're gonna complain once they're in and then it'll be too late.
Hello? 
Dave, where the heck have you been?
I'm picking out pulls. 
Why have you been calling me nonstop?
Well, you know how my credit's all screwed up because of my wife?
But you're divorced.
I need you to cosign for my motorcycle.
What motorcycle? 
I'm buying a motorcycle.
Shane, you have no money.
Why in the world would you be buying a motorcycle that you can't afford?
Dave, you're white. 
You can't understand this.
This is something different.
Don't play the race card with me, Froot Loop.
I'll take him in. 
You stay with Kevin, okay?
Okay. 
All right, go ahead.
Have fun, champ. 
Go get 'em, buddy.
You should see this thing. 
It's awesome. 
Even Trudy loves it.
Who's Trudy?
That's my girlfriend.
Girl from the mall?
She's 20 years old, Dave.
Let's go. 
Let's move it. 
I got bikes to move.
Listen, Shane. 
You are not buying some 20-year-old broad a motorcycle.
I'm not buying her anything, it's for me!
Daddy, what's taking so long?
Hey, baby, I'm on the phone, and I would prefer it if you didn't call me that in public.
But I call all my boyfriends Daddy!
Dave, you gotta do this for me.
Why don't you just lease it?
No, she'll know.
Who will know? 
She's a kid.
Buy her a Hello Kitty book.
Get her an assignment notebook and put rainbow stickers in it.
You don't have to buy her a motorcycle.
Did you or did you not say, "Move on"?
I told you to try to work it out.
Joey's the one who told you to move on.
Can you give me a minute?
Try to make it fast, Daddy.
Dave, I'm hurting. 
I would love for my wife to come back.
But we know that's not gonna happen.
It's nice to feel appreciated.
I need this for me.
Fine. 
Just text me the address. 
Okay?
Pick out a helmet, baby!
Daddy!
So, honey, this is the tile.
It's all gonna happen at once and I really need you to dial in.
Sweetheart, I'll help you.
I want a sugar cone.
I'm gonna hit you after this, buddy. 
Okay.
Honey, you work from 8:00 to 8:00.
You're not gonna be helping anyone.
Hang on, honey, okay?
It's just really busy right now because the video game ships this month.
Now that I have you, I just want you to dial in and tell me what you really think.
It's fine.
Do you love it?
As much as I can love tile, I love this tile.
Okay, good, 'cause it's $1,000.
Really? 
Mmm-hmm.
Is that installed?
Nope, just the tile.
Well, what is it made out of? 
Whale tusks?
No, it's not made out of whale tusks.
This is so boring.
Give me just one second.
Let me just grab this.
Honey? 
We have to do this today. 
Hello?
Hello, Dave. 
Joey?
Yeah, hey. 
Look... 
Just one second, that's it.
...what are you doing about the Jason thing?
If it's Joey, can you ask him if he's coming to the party?
Are you... 
Are you coming to the party on Sunday?
Yeah, yeah, I'll be there.
Yeah, he's coming, all right?
Give me one second. 
Stay with Mom.
One second.
Jason's gonna be calling you, all right?
He's got another one of his PowerPoint deals that...
Hold on one second. 
Hello?
Hey, Dave, it's Jason.
Listen, I'd love to put something on the books with you and Ronnie.
Are you gonna make it to Kevin's birthday on Sunday?
Yes, I am. 
Now, listen, I was hoping that you guys would come down here to the firm because Cynthia and I have a PowerPoint presentation that would just play gangbusters in the conference room.
Okay, okay, hold on one second. 
It's ringing.
Hello? 
Why'd you hang up on me?
I didn't hang up on you. 
You're on hold.
He's trying to get me to see another one of his PowerPoint things.
That stuff creeps me out.
It's just how he communicates.
He's... 
He's, you know...
He's overly efficient.
Well, I don't like hearing about ball cancer, let alone looking at diagrams.
Joey, he was scared.
Tell him I'm not going.
I ain't telling him you're not going.
You know, I got him on the other line.
You can tell him yourself. 
Hold on.
I don't want to... 
I don't...
Hello, Jason?
Yeah. 
I got Joey on the line.
Hey, Joey, I've left you a bunch of voice mail messages all morning. 
Where are you?
Listen, I can't make it.
Well, we haven't even set a time yet, you know.
If you'd listened to the voice mail, you'd know that this is just a feeler call to check your temperature on schedule.
I'm not sitting through another slide show about ball cancer.
Listen, pal, I'm alive today because of early detection, all right?
Is this about ball cancer?
"Cause I..
- I'm not into that, either.
I'm gonna wrap this up right now.
and if you two refuse to check your scrotums for hardened nodules,
I certainly can't force you, can l?
Look, I gotta go, all right? 
Bye+
Dave, are you still there? 
Hello, Dave?
Kevin! 
Kevin, that's not a real toilet!
Sweetheart, he's pissing in the middle of the whole thing!
Buddy, I gotta go.
But Cynthia and I are willing to offer you a life-changing opportunity.
Jason, you don't understand.
My son is literally peeing right in the middle of the store. 
I gotta go. 
Go, go, go.
Okay, but that's not a real toilet there.
It looks like a real toilet to me.
Yeah, it looks real. 
Okay.
That's a whole other conversation.
You feel better? 
Yep.
Okay, let's button those up.
You want me to get those for you?
Yep.
There's not a lot to say. 
Sorry about that.
Mom, Dad's home.
Hi, hon.
Hey, how was your day?
Usual. 
Yours?
Good.
Okay, love you. 
Bye.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! 
Wait a second, wait a second.
You're going out? 
Yeah, I'm going out.
What are... 
What are you wearing?
Shorts. 
Shorts?
That's... 
That's a Maxi Pad.
Dad, they're designer shorts.
They're French. 
Goodbye.
Could you just come over here? 
Sit down for a second.
I don't have time for this.
Come here. 
Sit down. 
No, I'm...
I'm late and they're waiting for me.
I know, but you still live in my house for another few months, okay?
Yeah, I know. 
Now when you dress like that, you send signals.
You know what kind of guy you attract like that?
You attract the guy with the...
With his pants around his ass at the mall.
No, I don't! 
Yes, you do.
Sweetheart, he is right.
Lacey, I'm saying you're beautiful.
You're smart. 
You're a good person.
You just got accepted into Stanford.
We're so proud of you.
I'm just saying know your value, okay?
And if a guy doesn't see that, he doesn't deserve you.
No, and you don't want to be with those guys, honey.
Okay, then I'll go change.
Thank you.
And could you change the pictures on your Facebook page?
Dad.
It's just 'cause we love you.
Love me less.
I don't want any bikini pictures on the Internet!
When you're living in my house, you're a Taliban!
Okay? 
You keep your body a secret.
Except you get to, you know, go to school and read books.
Did you send the tuition check?
You said you were going to.
Please. 
Don't start this again.
Yeah, I didn't start with it. 
You just brought it up.
You're supposed to send the check.
You said you were gonna do it.
You never do anything you say you're gonna do.
Eighteen years. 
Just try to hold it together for another couple months.
Trust me, I'm counting the days.
Do that hurt, Daddy, or do that feel good?
It's both. 
It hurt and it feel good.
Bang, bang.
Did you put in the wide beauty shots?
Yeah.
Are you sure?
Why would you ask me that?
You know I triple-check everything.
Yeah, no, I know. 
It's just, you know, super-important, okay?
We only get one shot at it.
It'd just be nice if you could show me a little bit of trust.
I do. 
Come on, I do, I do. 
I just want this to be perfect, that's all.
It's not about trust. 
Come on.
I want it to be perfect, too.
Good.
How old is she?
I think she's 20. 
He met her at the mall.
She was working at Foot Locker.
He was so in love with Jennifer.
I am shocked he met someone so quickly.
I know. 
I was hoping they were just taking a break.
I haven't even heard from her since they split up.
I think he got us in the divorce. 
You want more wine?
Cynthia, it's time. 
We're all set up in the bedroom.
Great. 
Ladies?
You're kidding, right? 
No, it's easy.
We brought our own screen.
You can't do it right now.
We're in the middle of my son's birthday party.
It won't take long and I know you"re gonna be really excited.
Bring your booze.
Okay, then.
We're taking the wine.
Watch this, guys. 
Watch.
This is a really spooky ball.
Just, could you please put the ball cancer video on?
I'm trying, Joey.
Please. 
I don't want to watch that ball cancer video.
Where's Trudy?
Oh, she's watching the magician.
Well, there it is. 
Okay.
This is not a video and it is not about ball cancer.
Thank God. 
That,s a first.
Jason and I are seriously considering getting a divorce.
Okay? 
So, it's no secret that Cynthia and I have had our problems trying to conceive over the last 12 months.
That's no reason to get a divorce.
No.
We know. 
Of course not.
But suffice it to say, it's been more than taxing on both of us,
and it's forced us to question our entire relationship.
You two are perfect for each other.
We're just not so sure about that anymore.
We're not in a good place.
Now, this is not a decision that we're taking lightly.
Cynthia and I have been together for eight long years.
And if it's not meant to be, we just don't want to waste any more of each other's time.
Yeah. 
Because, if we do get divorced, it will take at least six months to go through the five stages of grief.
For the sake of argument, let's optimistically assume it takes six months to find compatible mates.
Tack on another 12 months for courtship, an additional six months for attempting procreation...
You can see how this starts to stack up.
Sounds like you guys are really working from the heart on this one.
Well, we're lost, Dave, and so what we need to do is we need to take the next two weeks and we need to find out whether we're gonna push forward, or whether we're gonna fold up shop.
And that is why we are going to go here.
You're on, Cyn.
Welcome to Eden. 
Okay? 
The ultimate playground for couples.
It's got fun, it's got sun.
It's Disneyland for adults.
Wow. 
That is amazing.
Yeah, you guys are gonna have a blast.
Actually, we have found a great group rate.
Oh, there's the fine print.
No, now... 
Now, Joey, you know, just...
The embarrassing fact is that, you know,
Cynthia and I can't afford to go to this place by ourselves, but if all of us go together, it's half-price.
It's called the Pelican Package.
Okay? 
It's six nights, seven days and it's all inclusive.
And there are quite a few activities you can choose from.
Who here likes to eat?
I know you guys do. 
I sure do.
Right? 
Boom!
Why not do it at a four-star restaurant?
You guys, it has a state-of-the-art spa.
Ah. 
Mmm-hmm.
They've got your kayaking, they've got your windsurfing, they've got your canoeing, they've got your jet skiing. 
Wow.
It's got Couples Skill Building and snorkeling...
Who, whoa, whoa. 
Back up.
What was that last thing?
Snorkeling?
No, no. 
Before snorkeling and after jet skiing, you said, "Couples Skill Building."
That sounds like therapy to me.
See, that's gonna be a problem.
We don't believe in therapy. 
No.
Hell to the no.
Then you don't have to do it.
That's the great thing about the Pelican Package, you guys.
It really includes everything.
Obviously, Jason and I want to partake in the Couples Skill Building, but you guys can just do the fun stuff.
So what are we asking?
We're asking for you guys to fly to paradise and have an awesome time, okay?
I mean, this... 
Come on, it would be a blast.
Jason, I got a job, and with everything that's going on with the house and with the kids right now, it would be impossible for us to leave them.
Yeah, we can't.
When was the last time you two took a vacation? 
Hmm?
I mean, don't you want to go to this island and have fun, together, as a couple?
What kind of question is that?
That's like asking Richard Simmons, would he rather stuff his face or skip around to the oldies.
Of course he'd rather stuff his face, but he can't, 'cause he's... 
He's got to stay thin so he can...
So he can get up and do his thing and... 
And make videos.
Maybe he needs the money. 
Maybe he's got a gambling problem!
I don't know what goes on in that dude's head!
And I'd love to go to that island, but I can't, either.
Not 'cause I got to make videos like Rich, but I got other obligations.
Listen, I can really appreciate the situation that you guys are in.
Right, well, we need to know by midnight.
We've been on the wait list forever and these slots just opened up.
We'd need to leave next week.
Next week?
That's right.
What happened to spontaneity?
What happened to fun?
I don't know. 
Why don't we have a PowerPoint presentation on spontaneity and fun and figure that one out?
Look, Cynthia and I need this trip, okay?
I mean, really. 
You know, the problem is, you know, we've stopped having fun and we're not even sure we know how to anymore, okay?
So, what we need to find out is can we get back to the place where we really enjoy each other, you know?
Can we get back to the place of, you know, being in love?
Cynthia's IM-ing me.
Jason was IM-ing me all night.
What'd you tell him?
I logged off.
The place did look beautiful.
You know what it made me think?
It'd kind of be like we got to take our honeymoon, finally.
God, yeah.
That'd be great.
Really?
Yeah.
Don't you think? 
I mean, I don't know, maybe it's a girl thing.
When you're a little girl, you dream about your wedding and your honeymoon...
You know.
I was pretty lucky to get that job right away.
Yeah, of course.
I mean, I can't even imagine...
Living in your dad's basement any longer? 
No.
It's funny how time goes so fast.
That doesn't seem that long ago.
No.
Seems like we just had so much going on and we have ever since,
but maybe the thing to do is just really buckle down over these next six months and then when we come up for air, we'll go somewhere.
That sounds like a plan.
Dave? 
Did you hear that?
Go back to bed, honey.
What's going on?
I think there's someone outside.
Okay, I'll check it out.
Honey, be careful.
Freeze! 
Do not move!
Hey, don't... 
No, it's me, it's me, it's me! 
It's me! 
It's Jason!
What's going on?
It's fine, honey, it's Jason.
Hello!
Why didn't you call?
Didn't want to wake you up.
Sorry, blew that. 
Back to bed.
Are you crazy? 
I could've blown your head off!
What does that say about you, huh?
Rapists don't gently toss pebbles at the window, Dave.
Wait, can you let me figure it out, please? 
There's too much going on.
Turn it off!
It costs money every time this thing goes off.
Hello? 
Yeah, everything's fine. 
I'm sorry.
The password is "ass-tastic." That's right.
"Ass-tastic." One word.
"Ass-tastic." "Ass-tastic." It's...
A-S-S-T-A-S-T-I-C.
Okay? 
Ass-tastic.
That's right, it's... 
Okay.
Yeah. 
No, thank you. 
We're fine.
I... 
Yes, thank you.
Didn't want to go with the pet's name?
What are you doing here, dude?
What do you think I'm doing here?
Jas, you're showing up to my house in the middle of the night.
Dave. 
You're breaking and entering. 
You're on tilt.
Yeah, I know, I'm losing my mind.
This... 
The whole fertility doctor thing is just an absolute disaster.
We don't communicate anymore.
We're fighting all the time.
We... 
The only time we have sex is, you know, when she's ovulating, and even then, it's cold. 
It's emotionless.
It's... 
I don't know.
Like an oil derrick.
We used to be very, very spontaneous at that.
Now, it's... 
I don,t know.
Twice a week, tops.
That's a lot.
Is it? 
How often do you do it?
It's different now, 'cause we got the kids, so...
So?
Well, my son falls asleep in the bed with us.
That shouldn't stop you.
That's disgusting.
I'm not saying he should tickle your balls.
Just move him into his room when he falls asleep.
Jason. 
I can really appreciate what you're going through, but, man, this couldn't come at a worse time.
There's just no way that we can pull away from everything and go right now.
I'm sorry, but there's just no way we can go on the trip.
I'm just scared, you know. 
Just scared.
You know, my whole life, everything I've known about it for the last eight years might be over, and, you know, I'm prepared to face that, you know, if it,s for the best.
If, you know... 
If it's not there anymore, then, you know,
I'll face it. 
I don't want to do that alone.
And I know that Cynthia doesn't want to do that alone.
You know, we'd just... 
We'd love to have our friends there.
You know that if you go, everyone else will go.
And I have never asked you for anything.
But I am asking you for this, Dave.
Daddy?
Hey, guys, the alarm was just an accident.
You can go back to bed.
It's just Uncle Jason.
Okay, guys. 
It's fine. 
Let me take you back to bed.
We want you to go on your trip.
We heard you talking at the party and you said you couldn't go because of us.
We don't want you guys to get a divorce.
What?
What are you talking about, honey? 
We're not getting a divorce.
But we just want you to be happy.
Guys, we are happy.
We're very happy, honey.
Were you guys listening to Uncle Jason's slide show?
Thank you, buddy. 
That's great.
That was adult time.
And why do you think they were listening, Jason?
I'm sorry about that.
We want you to go, so we called Grandpa to come take care of us.
You called Grandpa?
You called him tonight?
It's a three-hour drive.
Grandpa's coming to babysit us.
Is Grandpa driving down here now?
Yay! 
Grandpa Jim Jim's here!
You know, this has gotten way out of hand.
I'm sorry. 
I just... 
I wanted five minutes of your time. 
I'm so sorry.
You got... 
You got kids, you got guns, you got grandpas that, you know...
You got to explain infertility and divorce and all that, and so you got a lot of parenting to do tonight.
I'm gonna go. 
I'm gonna let myself out right here.
I will, however, take the fact that
Grandpa Jim Jim's at the front door as a firm, tentative yes.
Pack lots of shorts.
It's really hot there.
You're gonna sweat your bag off. 
Night-night, kids!
Hi. 
Welcome.
Thank you.
This place is beautiful.
Look. 
Hi, hello.
Holy shit, this looks like a screen saver! 
Thanks.
Seems like he might be kind of the guy. 
Come on, gang.
Hi, we are the Smith party. 
Party of eight.
Eight for Smith.
Jason Smith?
That's me.
Welcome to Eden.
My name is Sctanley. 
Spelled with a "C".
I will be escorting you to the Eden West resort.
Please, step aboard our shuttle.
No need to take your bags. 
They will be waiting for you in your villas.
Excuse me. 
Sorry. 
Is this the shuttle for the Eden resort?
Oh, yeah, yeah, that's the shuttle.
Raq, she's still a little buzzed from the flight.
Man, totally. 
Me, too. 
I don't even know what I'm doing.
Excuse me. 
What name are your reservations booked under?
The San Diego Dance Academy.
Wow.
Ah. 
You ladies are actually travelling on this shuttle, to Eden East.
Bummer. 
Bye.
See you. 
Bye.
Bye.
Would you care to join your wife?
Let's do it. 
Shall we?
Are they going some place else?
Eden East. 
It is an entirely different resort.
It's beautiful.
And the luggage is already in there, huh?
Yeah. 
This is yours.
Unbelievable.
The 101.
- Wow.
And we can jump right out into this here?
You can do whatever you like.
Wow.
Look at the water.
Please. 
Thank you.
Wow. 
Wow.
I'm gonna check the bedroom. 
Okay, baby.
Look at this, baby.
Oh, my God. 
Look at this.
Welcome to your villa.
It keeps getting better, huh?
It's like a little love hut.
Wow.
This is insane!
Honey, they got fish that you can see here through the floor!
Baby, they got a hole where you can see the fish!
Yeah, they got fish in here, too, baby!
Jason, this is dreamy.
Baby, you can jump right in the ocean on this thing, and they got a hot tub on the deck!
They got the ocean and they got the hot tub!
You can dive in the ocean and you got a hot tub!
Yeah, they got a hot tub in here, too!
Oh, my God. 
Yo, I gotta take a picture of this.
Did I tell you? 
Did I deliver? 
Oh, my God.
She ain't never seen nothing like this.
I roll like this! 
Shit, yeah!
I'm glad you like, sir.
I be rolling like this.
So what goes on over there? 
I hear there's music.
Is a party for single woman and men, sir.
Yes. 
How do I get over there?
No, you cannot. 
You can take the boat if you want, but not for you. 
Okay, when's the boat? 
Not for me.
No, because you got married here, the west coast to Eden Resort so that's why you must keep here.
I don't understand what you're saying. 
You sound like Chewbacca.
Well, my instinct is to stay married to her, but what do you think I should do?
I mean, do you get a good vibe from us or not-so-good vibe?
I don't know, sir.
What about this room, in particular?
You've checked a lot of people into this room and checked a lot of people out.
Do they usually leave happier or less happy?
I really don't know, sir.
How do I get over to the party?
By boat or by taxi boat.
Okay. 
I'd like to arrange a boat or a taxi boat.
No, it's not possible for you.
Must to stay here with your wife.
Okay, so how do I...
Fish!
Hello.
Where's the television? 
The main house.
There's no TV in the room? 
No, not possible.
But it's the playoffs.
As an alternative to television, might I recommend a stroll to the hidden waterfall?
Might you recommend putting honey in my ears and having me fall asleep on an anthill?
It's the playoffs.
Honey, the waterfall sounds amazing. 
A little romance.
You'll find that the Eden program creates a palace of solitude, if you just give yourself over to it.
How's the cell service here?
Monsieur Marcel believes that technology is a distraction.
Well, how about tipping, would that be a distraction?
I'm kidding you.
Tipping is not permitted, nor is money of any kind.
Everything here in Eden is free.
Really?
We do, however, accept smiles.
Did you guys hear what they have in the spa?
With the snow?
Did you know that they have a steam, a rain, and a snow room here?
It's a new European spa.
What's a wahoo?
It's a fish.
I don't eat fish.
It's out of this world.
They catch it right here.
I used to work at Red Lobster, so I know what they do with them fish in the kitchen.
But, baby, this is not like the Red Lobster. 
It's a four-star restaurant.
I don't give a shit! 
It's still Mexicans cooking that shit and I know what they do to it!
I'm one-twelfth Latina, and even if I wasn't, I'm 100% human, so I don't appreciate comments like that.
I don't make fun of tu la raza, so porfavor, please, don't make fun of mi la raza-
Oh, I'm sorry, boo. 
I didn't mean no disrespect.
Yo, I was with mad Mexicans before Shane, anyway.
Good evening. 
I trust you're all settled in.
Hey, my main man!
Are you in the mood to accept some smiles?
"Cause this spread is phenomenal.
Why don't you join us for a drink? 
You want to pull up a chair?
We'll order some shots.
You might want to go easy on those. 
You have an early morning.
Quite the contrary.
I don't have an early morning, 'cause I tell you what's gonna go down tonight.
I am going to get just a little bit tipsy.
And then I'm gonna go ahead and stuff my face on the Seafood Tower, and I plan on shutting it down in a big way.
I, if everything goes well, will be in my room, passed out on my face, come lunch-ski.
Well, I'm afraid that isn't going to be possible.
I'm here to present you with your itinerary.
Fantastic. 
You guys hear that?
This is a hard copy thing, too.
This is not like... 
This isn't like a piece of paper with an itinerary.
No. 
This is like a book.
Thanks. 
And the journey begins.
Couples Skill Building at 6:00 a.m.?
Yeah, see, I was planning on sleeping in, and then maybe hitting the jet skis.
That is not part of your immediate program here at Eden West.
But it was in the slide show. 
Uh-huh.
That would be more appropriate at the Eden East.
What's Eden East?
The singles' resort.
Singles" resort?
Here at the Eden West, our focus is on renewing bonds and nurturing neglected partnerships.
And what's your focus over there?
Sex, mostly.
Freeing inhibitions.
I'm sure if we play our cards right' we'll be having plenty of sex here on our side.
Am I wrong, gang?
I spent three years of therapy with Jennifer, talking about our feelings and our problems, trying to hold onto our marriage.
The last thing I want to do is talk.
Look, I think there's been a misunderstanding here.
See, we signed up for the fun stuff, with the touchy-feely shit being optional.
Thank you.
I think it's called the Pelican Package.
Yes, the Pelican Package, which is monsieur Marcel's signature course.
Great.
A healthy combination of couple-friendly activities, ample down time... 
That's the one.
...sprinkled in with some Couples Skill Building courses, designed to reignite the dimming flames of even the most mismanaged relationships.
Okay, see, these relationships are not mismanaged.
Well, thank you, Dave. 
Yes.
Yeah. 
I'm just saying we're here to have some fun, so we are excited about the couples' activities, as well as some down time.
It's the flame-lighting thing that does not have us inspired.
That's more suited for this particular couple here.
I don't think you're quite understanding me.
Monsieur Marcel's Pelican Package is not a fast-food restaurant wherein you pick what you want from a menu.
Monsieur Marcel is the single most-recognized couples whisperer in the entire world.
Couple whisperer?
He has studied psychology, yoga, tai chi,
The Art of War, and combined them to form this place, Eden.
The Mecca for couples. 
Mmm.
He has designed a program specifically for you.
You either partake of the entire meal or have none of it.
I think you're being a little extreme here, Mr. Belvedere.
We have a very long waiting list.
If there's been some kind of misunderstanding,
I'd be happy to refund your money, and you can go on your way.
We will, however, not be able to refund your airfare.
No, it's just that we were excited about the sightseeing and the hiking and the jet skiing and the snorkeling. 
It's...
Well, there are plenty of places that provide those activities.
Perhaps this troupe might be more comfortable at a Sandals or a Club Med.
This here is monsieur Marcel's Eden.
Now, if you're not at Couples Skill Building by 6:00 a.m.,
I'll take that as you want your refund and will not be completing the program.
Screw him! 
Where does he get the ass to run down Sandals?
Sandals rocks.
It's just one little thing we have to do.
It'll be over in a few hours and then we have fun the rest of the day.
You know, let's just not forget why we came.
This is not what we signed up for!
This is not what we signed up for.
I don't remember ever seeing 'mandatory,"
but, listen, we just go with it.
Now we're on Han's Island about to do the thing with Bruce Lee.
Guys, guys, I don't think there's any reason to overreact right off the bat, okay?
Obviously, the meal is included, from what he said, so let's just sit here, we'll weigh the pros and cons from a calm place, we'll make a decision.
That was amazing.
Oh, might have been the best meal I've ever had.
Well, could be a full week of those.
What are you doing? 
Your last course.
Dessert.
It is so beautiful here. 
I can't wait to go see that waterfall.
The weather is perfect, we got huts on the water, and now I am eating art.
So we give up a little bit of our day to talk about feelings.
How bad can it really be, right?
Welcome to Eden Resort.
I am Marcel.
Hi. 
Morning.
I know why you are all here.
You are here to seek the answer to the most commonly asked question by all,
how do we make it work?
How?
I have laid out a personalized program designed to challenge you all, both as couples and as individuals.
If you follow diligently my program, the answer to this question will be revealed to you, as well as your inner animal spirit.
This I promise.
I do not, however, promise that you and your chosen partner will have what it takes to sustain it.
Please, line up on the beach.
Take your places.
Out here?
This way. 
Men on one line, facing the ocean.
Women, back to the water.
Now remove your mask.
Undress!
Oh. 
All right.
It's a freeing exercise.
This is starting to get a little creepy now.
It'd mean a lot to me if you"d just take your pants off, all right, Dave?
Is that why you brought me here?
This is... 
What is this?
You must undress, my friend.
I'm afraid that's not a option for me today, you know, man.
It's the program.
Right. 
I don't have any drawers, though.
Well, Sctanley said he had this conversation with you last night.
Now, if you've chosen to stay, you've chosen to participate.
Now, if you're not wearing any drawers, then, hey, that was meant to be.
Let it all hang out.
Explore. 
Explore with your eyes.
Explore your mate.
We are all made in God's image.
That means we are all perfect.
Stand with pride. 
Look closer. 
Own your bodies.
And now, tell your partner a truth. 
A beautiful truth.
You look like the earth.
What?
Why are you listening to what I'm saying?
Why don't you have your own conversation?
It's hard to have my own conversation when you're telling Cynthia that she looks like the earth.
Did you hear what I said?
Yeah. 
I'm not really sure I like that one.
Well, I just mean that, you know, you look bountiful. 
Okay?
Fruitful. 
Fertile.
Okay. 
Now this is getting uncomfortable.
Please, make a palace of solitude between you and your partner.
Why are you wearing trousers?
I explained to the guy in the dress that I didn't have any drawers on.
Yes, but this exercise is about owning your body.
Mmm.
What is your name, dear?
Trudy.
Trudy. 
What a beautiful name.
Please, tell him that you love his body.
For real? 
Yes.
I love your body.
Really?
Of course! 
So powerful, so strong.
Powerful frame with layer upon layer of dormant, relaxed muscle, waiting, like a panther, to pounce on its quivering prey.
Please, take off his pants. 
Yes.
I'm not ready to pounce today.
Yes.
I don't have any drawers.
No. 
No. 
Right here, baby.
It's okay. 
It's okay. 
Hair!
Sorry, I'm sorry. 
Careful.
Here it comes. 
Here it comes.
Wonderful! 
Stare at it! 
Stare at all of it.
Is his junk out?
Yep.
Is his junk literally out of his pants?
Yep.
Now it's a party.
How would you describe your relationship?
Average. 
Great, yeah.
Great. 
Average. 
I mean, yeah.
And, to clarify, what is an "average, great" relationship?
Well, we... 
We make it through things pretty good together.
You know, we have two great kids.
No one's called 911 in the middle of the night.
Like there's not domestic violence in the... 
The... 
Yeah.
Ronnie, when you say you 'make it through things together,"
what do you mean?
Well, you know, the usual stuff. 
Work, kids.
I'm much less interested in "the usual stuff"
and much more interested in your particular stuff.
So, what do you make it through together, specifically?
Well, right now, specifically,
Dave is dealing with his new launch of his video game, Guitar Hero.
He sells Guitar Hero.
And I am dealing with the renovations.
That's interesting.
What's interesting?
Why do you keep writing stuff down on your little pad there?
Oh, I'm taking notes.
Would it make you more comfortable if I didn't take notes?
Yeah, actually, it would make me more comfortable.
Thank you.
That's interesting.
So we want to make the most of our time here on the island, so what we did was we put together a little informational packet to bring you up to speed on our relationship.
Go ahead. 
That's for you.
Let's fit in another trauma before rounds.
Don't say anything about the wig.
I'm back.
Yes, I am early. 
But whatever. 
I'm back.
And because I've been gone so long, the first trauma that comes through those doors, it's mine.
Got it?
It's amazing, right?
- What's amazing?
- The wig.
It looks so real, I couldn't even tell.
I've always wanted to try out being a redhead, so I just thought,
- now's the time.
- What's wrong with your own hair?
That's peach fuzz chemo hair, and I really wanted to put my patients at ease, make 'em feel comfortable.
She looks like a stepford wife. 
You've gotta tell her.
She can't handle it. 
Just don't stare.
M.V.C. who do I have?
I'm not your Chief resident anymore. 
Figure it out.
Karev, let's go.
- You're back.
- I am.
- My mom's whole church prayed for you.
- Thank you.
- It looks really real.
- I know, right?
We need to talk.
- Look, I'm busy right now.
- Are you making cuts?
I said I'm busy.
If you're making cuts in my department, you need to consult with me.
When it's appropriate, I'll consult the people I need to consult with.
People? 
I'm not people. 
I'm the guy that saved your ass.
When Jennings came to me, you were done.
- Out of loyalty to you...
- Loyalty?
You came to me so you would look like a good guy before you stole my job.
Are you making whole cuts or not?
I said when I'm ready to tell my staff about decisions I will be making,
I will... when I'm ready!
So don't come barging in here like I owe you. 
I don't owe you a damn thing,
You work for me.
I'm still the Chief of surgery at this hospital.
Then start acting like it.
Jodie Crowley... 60-year-old driver who lost consciousness and hit a parked car.
Vital signs stable. 
Complains of abdominal pain.
It wasn't a parked car. 
It was them. 
They hit us.
- Sir, who are you?
- Who am i? 
Who are you?
- He's my son.
- Why don't we go in the waiting room?
He needs to stay with me.
He's a paranoid schizophrenic.
Let's put her on a gurney on my count.
One, two, three.
Listen to me, mom. 
They're trying to get to me through you.
- You have to believe me.
- Tom, they're not real.
Look at me. 
Look at me, honey.
Did you feel dizzy or light-headed before the crash?
No, I felt fine.
Abdominal tenderness. 
I feel a mass.
I've had it for quite a while.
Maybe that's what caused me to black out.
I've been warning her. 
They're trying to hurt her, but she won't believe me.
Tom, look at me.
- You know I wouldn't lie to you.
- No. 
No! 
You have to believe me.
Someone has to believe me. 
Aliens have impregnated my mother.
the Chief was spotted five hours ago in the cafeteria.
he got an apple and a yogurt. 
And then he met with dr. 
Shepherd.
- The meeting was brief and heated.
- Then he drew the blinds.
- He's probably sleeping.
- That's speculation.
- We have no proof of that.
- You'd make a good lawyer...
If this doesn't work out.
Okay, dr. 
Yang. 
You ready for rounds?
Continue with your course of treatment and keep me updated on any new developments.
You know, you don't look ready.
No, I'm ready. 
I looked over your patient charts, and I noticed you have a shock wave lithotripsy scheduled for kidney stones this morning, and I was...
I've never done one of those, so I'm looking forward to it.
Now you're ready.
- Come on. 
Let's go.
- Okay. 
Thanks.
Okay, how long have you had the growth?
Can you cover the clock?
The number 5 bothers him.
Can you get something to cover the clock?
Are those cameras?
Tommy, what do we need from the store?
Why won't they leave me alone?
- Do we need fruit?
- Why won't you leave me alone?
What kind of fruit do we need, honey?
What kind of fruit?
Apples, pears, strawberries.
Make a list.
Could you give him a pencil and some paper?
He needs something to distract him from the voices.
Ma'am, the growth?
I'm sorry. 
I've had it for a while.
I've been meaning to get it checked, but, as you can see, my son's illness is a full-time job.
Karev, I'm gonna need you to get mr. 
Crowley's wrist x-rayed while I get her up to M.R.I.
Why can't one of these fetuses babysit?
If that huge thing's a triple-A, I want in.
I can do the wrist.
dr. 
Karev has more experience
The patient is paranoid and hypervigilant, which means he's bound to pick up on the fact that dr. 
Karev doesn't want to be here, and he may interpret that as dr. 
Karev being out to get him.
I aced my psych clerkship.
- How'd it go with the Chief?
- Richard's not talking to me.
What? 
Why?
I don't know. 
He's just... 
He's not himself.
Well, what's he doing? 
He's hiding out.
How are you holding up?
You've been up for, like, what, 36 hours?
48. 
But I'm good, actually.
I feel like it's all gonna be okay, like we're all gonna keep our jobs and we're all gonna be amazing people and live amazing lives.
Unstable childhood. 
I get calm in a crisis.
This is a crisis, right?
I don't know.
I don't know what this is.
Look who's coming.
Have you seen Sage? 
She's 6, light brown hair, gorgeous blue eyes. 
She just had a tumor removed from her belly so she has a bandage on her tummy.
Why don't you check under the bed? 
Maybe she's there.
Her labs are better than we expected.
She's not under the bed.
Maybe try the bathroom?
Maybe she slipped in there?
How did she do last night? 
Did she get any sleep?
- She did.
- I didn't.
Bathroom's clear.
Wait. 
Shh.
I think that there's something coming from your pocket.
Is Sage inside your pocket?
She's hiding here.
You gotta look in your pocket first.
No, I don't, because I found you already.
Now I just need to check your incision site, so...
Don't touch it. 
It hurts.
I bet that mr. 
Bear would like to see Sage's scar.
Wouldn't you, mr. 
Bear?
Yes, I would.
I'm surprised to see you back so soon.
- You look great.
- Thank you. 
So do you.
- How are you feeling?
- I feel great. 
How do you feel?
What I meant was... 
I know what you mean. 
I feel fine
I'm ready to work. 
Here is mr.
Trinidad's latest pre-op labs.
I told him you'd stop in to say hello before the surgery.
And unless there's anything else you can think of that I need to know,
I was gonna run to get his consent form.
That pretty much covers it unless anybody has any questions.
Is there anything you can tell us about the merger? 
Because I'm having a baby.
My wife is having a baby.
Resident Megan is having a baby. 
Am I gonna lose my job?
Right now, I'm concerned about my patient. 
You should be, too.
I just got my hair cut.
It looks nice.
The nurse out there, the one with the red hair, she's laughing at me.
You tell her I just got it cut, and they cut it too short, and that's why
- my ears are sticking out.
- I'm sure she's not laughing at you.
How's that feel?
It feels like my... hand's falling off. 
It feels like...
They put something in it to make my hand fall off, like it's snakes or something.
You don't have a name tag.
I guess I don't.
The other doctor had a name tag on her coat.
I had to change my lab coat,
- and this one...
- You think I'm an idiot?
You're working for them. 
You've got my mother, and now you're trying to get me. 
Stay away from us.
I keep telling you people to stay away from us!
I called security. 
They're on their way.
Where's psych? 
I asked you to page them an hour ago.
I paged them twice. 
If you want to see the log book...
I want to know how a paranoid patient managed to get out of the E.R.
Where were you?
I had stepped away from my desk to deal with another patient.
And normally, being a punching bag for the doctors is just a part of the job, but there's a merger, and we're all being looked at, and I am not about to go down for a mistake that wasn't mine.
So if you'll excuse me, I'll page psych again.
Okay, mr. 
Trinidad, your shunt revision is pretty simple.
It shouldn't take longer than an hour.
But I do need to go over the possible complications with you.
Dr. Stevens, could I have a word?
If you could just give me a minute until I'm done here,
I'm sorry. 
This will only take a minute.
Excuse me.
What?
- How are you holding up?
- Fine.
- Did you take your meds this morning?
- Not yet, but I will.
- You're supposed to take them at 9:00.
- It's only a little after 9:00.
It's 10:15.
Run down to her locker and get her meds.
- Are they in your purse?
- But you don't have to get them.
- Yes, you do.
- No, you don't. 
Alex.
I swear to God, if you don't go and get her pills right now,
I'm gonna hurt you and I'm gonna like it.
You can't do this.
You can't treat me like I'm sick. 
My patients need to have faith in me.
- What are you doing?
- Your wig, it was crooked.
I'll stop hovering if you stop acting like an idiot.
Your next pill is at 2:00.
You can't take it on an empty stomach.
Tyler Lee, 9 years old, came in with renal colic three days ago that has not resolved.
We are going to be performing extracorporeal shock wave therapy today to break up the stones in his ureter so they can pass.
No, we're not.
Yes, we are.
No, we're not,'cause there was no blood in his urine this morning.
Just in case? 
We should do the procedure just in case?
You want to do a surgical procedure on a 9 year old even though it's no longer indicated?
No, of course not.
So, dr. 
Yang, do you want to tell the good news to Tyler and his mom?
It seems as though your son's stones may have passed on their own.
- He doesn't need surgery?
- Looks like he healed himself.
Can you believe that, dr. 
Yang?
On your first day in peds.
- No, I can't, actually.
- Does this mean I can eat?
Dr. Yang can go get you something.
An abdominal aortic aneurysm... 8.7 centimeters.
This thing has a 75% chance of rupturing.
She's a ticking time bomb.
I'm surprised she woke up this morning, let alone got into a car.
Cancel all my elective surgeries this afternoon and book an O.R.
We need to get her in there A.S.A.P.
Jodie, we're done.
I'll meet you back downstairs to go over the results.
- Have you seen Tom?
- I thought he was with you?
He was, but he left. 
Well, he attacked me, and then he left.
You told me you could handle this.
I can... it's under control. 
Don't worry.
I've called security. 
I just thought maybe
- his mom would have an idea...
- his mom has a triple-A.
The last thing she needs to know is that her mentally ill son is loose in the hospital.
I know this is bad. 
I know this is really, really bad.
I'm gonna stop listening to you because the words you're saying are hurting me.
Find him!
- You look crazy.
- This is partly your fault.
You're the one who told me to go act like I deserve to be here and I did and now I lost a schizophrenic.
And I am gonna be fired unless I find the schizophrenic.
You're not gonna find him back there.
You do not get to be charmed by this because this is not charming!
This is me getting cut from the program.
You're already amazing. 
I am just starting out.
I have never stapled a bowel, and I have never resected an esophagus.
I am not amazing yet!
All right. 
Let's just breathe.
And again.
Good. 
Look at me.
Security is on this.
You have become a crazy person I do not recognize.
I want Lexie back. 
Can I get Lexie back?
Stay away from me! 
You get back!
- God, that's him.
- Stop! 
Get back!
Where's my mother? 
What have you done with her?
Mrs. Crowley, there is evidence that your son may have suffered some injury in this fall. 
Now, we don't think that it's bad but we just need to do an ultrasound to make sure.
He's been sedated, but I need you to wait here until we've completed this, all right?
I never shoulda left him alone.
I knew it. 
I knew it.
I need to talk to you about your test results.
The wall of your aorta is dangerously thin and could burst at any moment, and when that happens, it will most likely kill you.
I'm not mincing my words right now.
because I need you to understand the severity of the situation.
I need to take you up to surgery right now.
I can't.
I can't have surgery right now.
I can't leave Tom. 
He's injured. 
He's upset.
This has been a rough day on him.
I can't. 
No. 
It'll have to wait.
Well, isn't there someone that you can call?
My ex-husband left when tom first got sick, and friends have fallen away. 
It's only me.
We have services, so, we can arrange to...
I can't just leave him with a stranger.
I need time...
To hire someone and train them to know that if he's watching tv and he's holding his head a certain way, it means the television is talking to him and he needs to be distracted.
He likes shopping, but they can't take him to the place on Lee Road because he thinks they're out to get him.
So they have to go to the place on River Road.
But they've gotta park in the back, because underground parking makes him upset.
And it goes on and on and on.
So, no. 
Please...
I need time.
A week.
I've made it this long. 
I can make it another week.
I'm not sure that you have another week.
I need you to think about yourself right now.
I have a mentally ill son.
I don't get to think of just myself anymore.
- What are you doing here?
- Oh, I was just,
I just stopped by to get some old case files.
For what?
This job opening in Portland.
Oregon?
The merger. 
I mean, the Chief already got rid of me once, so...
Well, it's... that's smart.
That's smart of you to have backups.
You know, I'm working with Cristina. 
She's interested in peds.
- No, she isn't.
- Yeah, she is.
Well, what? 
Did she say something to you?
She didn't have to. 
She's Cristina.
You have to help me out here, 'cause I don't know what that means.
I shouldn't say anything. 
She's my roommate.
And you're my girlfriend.
Girlfriend trumps roommate. 
Fine.
She's Cristina. 
She's all about cardio.
So she's probably sucking up to you to get through the merger.
I mean, is she good with the kids?
She's sucking up.
Nice pin.
His name's mr. 
Bear. 
He eats children.
Not having fun in peds?
My kid wants chocolate pudding really badly.
This is the last one.
My triple-A got canceled. 
You guys got any surgeries I can get in on?
No, I'm on post-ops. 
And she's babysitting.
I can't stand it any longer.
Can't you go to the Chief and use your dead-mommy connections to get some answers?
We don't need dead mommy. 
We are going to be fine.
So I let a crazy man escape,
- and he fell down a flight of stairs.
- Is it surgical?
I don't know. 
I got kicked off the case.
So then I went to go watch a surgery.
I figured, I can't screw that up.
And the second I get to the gallery, the shunt went south and starts bleeding.
I left before Shepherd could blame me for it.
Shepherd's shunt went bad?
They had to convert to an open craniotomy... something I'll probably never get a chance to do.
- She can't handle a craniotomy.
- See? 
Even he sees it.
He's not talking about you.
He's talking about Izzie.
I really admire you... in case I get cut and don't get a chance to tell you.
Plus, you're really pretty.
You can have the rest.
And you and I, we were getting so close.
I need to speak with dr. 
Stevens, please.
Alex, I'm in surgery.
Alex, leave.
Dr. Shepherd, could you please tell dr. 
Karev to leave?
She gets tired walking to the mailbox.
She can't handle another 5-hour surgery.
- I know what I can handle.
- No one's gonna think any less of you if you walk out of here now. 
Just walk out now.
Stevens, have this conversation outside.
No, I'm not leaving. 
Alex.
You paged me. 
What's going on?
You have to tell the Chief that you need me, that George was your guy, but he died.
So you need a new guy, and that's me.
Okay? 
Right now. 
Let's go. 
Go, go, go.
If anyone's safe in this merger, it's you.
Just be casual but firm. 
He likes you. 
Go.
I played hide-and-seek today and didn't go to surgery because some 9 year old miraculously peed without blood.
- I can't do this anymore.
- Then don't.
Tell dr. 
Robbins you don't think peds is your thing. 
What's the big deal?
The big deal is that the Chief in there right now
- making a list...
- You don't know that.
A list of who stays and who goes, and I can't be on that "goes" list.
If you are, you will deal with that.
"If" I am? 
Okay, if I... there can be no if.
I have to be on the "stays" list.
That list is everything. 
That list is my future.
- Calm down.
- It's my salvation. 
The list is life.
Schindler's list? 
You're comparing this merger to the holocaust?
- I'm jewish. 
I'm allowed.
- You're irrational.
- So this is a no?
- This is a no.
And somebody page Sloan again, stat.
Right away, doctor.
Okay, Elizabeth,
Take me through exactly what happened.
I was doing a crash c-section on this 32-weeker.
I had the incision done in five minutes flat.
I must have cut too deep, because when I went in to take the baby,
- I pulled the arm a little, and the...
- Oh, my God.
Get me the umbilical cord.
- Umbilical cord?
- Just get it.
I got it. 
I got the umbilical cord.
Good. 
Give me about 5 centimeters of it.
- What's going on?
- Arm got damaged during a stat "C"
I'm gonna use the umbilical artery if it's still viable.
It looks a little dry.
It looks like it's gonna work.
She's stable. 
Let's put it in antibiotic solution and move this party to the OR.
I'm sorry. 
I just
I wanted to make sure that you're okay.
Are you okay?
I injured my spleen, and they're just waiting to see if it stops bleeding on its own.
Good.
I'm glad you seem...
You seem better, and I'm glad.
Anyway, I should go. 
I'm not really supposed to be here, so...
Oh, it's all right. 
They've got me in restraints.
I wouldn't be able to hurt you even if the voices told me to.
It's a joke.
Schizophrenia humor.
There's this thought that I...
I'm trying to get it out, and...
I keep thinking that they planted a camera... in my stomach during the ultrasound.
And I was gonna wake my mother and have her, you know, talk me down, but she's tired, and...
Here is... your spleen.
See?
And this bright spot right here, that's blood.
That's not supposed to be there.
But...
No camera.
No camera.
I can leave this up if you want.
So that when the thoughts come back, you can look and you can see that they're not real.
They're just scary thoughts.
They're not real.
Thank you.
Little more suction.
It's 2:00, Izzie.
Oh, my God.
Stevens, no more fighting in my O.R. go deal with this.
- I hate you.
- Shut up.
Oh, God.
Thank you.
Shut up. 
Get back to work.
Has mrs. 
Crowley agreed to the surgery?
She's gonna go home, and she's gonna die.
Then what's that boy gonna be left with?
He needs surgery.
Does he need a transfusion?
- Is there active bleeding?
- No, his crit's stable.
And I know we don't operate unless there's an active bleed, but it's so close, and if we operate on him, maybe she'll let us operate on her.
That way, we can keep them together.
Through the surgery, through the recovery, they'll be together
And maybe you think this is a bad idea that I'm proposing unnecessary surgery.
And, maybe you'll tell the Chief, and the Chief will think that it makes me a bad doctor. 
But I think it makes me a good doctor
- And I think 
- Stop talking.
Are my words hurting you again?
You're right.
It's a good idea.
How does this happen? 
Was Chen just not paying attention?
She made a mistake.
Wrong time to make a mistake, with the merger.
You people need to stop with the doom and gloom merger scenarios.
I just read somewhere that the hospital's revenues actually went up last quarter.
Except for elective procedures, which went down 13%.
You mean elective procedures like plastic surgeries?
Now you're saying that I'm gonna get fired?
- I don't think anyone is safe.
- I'm safe.
How can you be sure?
We're about to reattach a baby's arm here.
So we need to stop thinking about the merger and think instead about this little girl throwing a ball and holding a spoon and waving bye-bye to her parents.
I'm not letting you cut me open.
You're gonna put a camera in me.
- You are one of them.
- Okay, mrs. 
Crowley...
He's scared. 
He said no.
Tom, you need this surgery.
And you will feel better after it. 
And your mom?
Your mom's surgery will save her life.
Look, Tom. 
Look at me.
Look at me. 
Okay? 
I am not an alien.
I'm not one of them.
My name is Miranda Bailey.
I have a 3-year-old son.
And I would do anything for him, just like your mom would do anything for you.
Now she needs you to do this for her. 
Because otherwise, she will die.
And you will be alone.
Look. 
See? 
Red.
Red blood.
See? 
I'm human.
I am a doctor.
And I want to help you and your mom.
But you have to trust me.
I think we're there.
If it pinks up, we'll know we've done our job right.
Releasing the bulldog clamps. 
Here we go.
That's how I know my job is safe, dr. 
Yang, because I reattach babies arms.
You know, it's not a good idea to piss off your attending.
I didn't know he was upset. 
I'll apologize.
I wasn't talking about him.
Sorry?
I like kids and I like their parents, and I like to see them smile. 
So I like going to get them pudding and playing games with them, because it makes attaching their arms way more fun.
I don't like being used.
- I wasn't u...
- And I like being lied to even less.
What do we need from the store, sweetheart?
Tell me what we need from the store.
Apples, pears, strawberries.
Apples, pears, strawberries.
What if I don't make it?
Now you don't worry about that. 
Let me do that.
Let's go.
The bleeding's stopped.
Let's close up.
Stevens, scrub out.
No, I'm fine. 
I'm your resident. 
I got it.
Someone else can close up.
You've been on your feet for five hours.
- You look exhausted.
- I'm not. 
I'm fine.
You're dripping with sweat.
All right. 
You know what? 
Just take my wig off.
Just take it off. 
Take it off.
Just pat down my head.
All right. 
You can just put the cap back on.
Okay, thank you.
I'm fine.
Isobel Stevens spent five hours on her feet in surgery today,
Not because she was ready to go back to work, but because she was scared.
She's scared for her job and she was scared to show weakness.
You don't have to talk to me. 
That's fine.
But you need to go out there and talk to your people.
- They need to hear from you.
- Don't tell me about my people.
I've been here for 30 years, Derek.
I know my people.
I have spent every hour of the last three days trying to save every job I could.
But some tough choices had to be made.
H.R. is sending out an e-mail to the first round of people to be let go.
I'm tired. 
I'm going home.
What's going on? 
You paged us.
- Check your e-mail.
- For what?
H.R. if you got cut, you'll have an e-mail.
I didn't get one, but...
I've been calm. 
Through this crisis, I have been calm.
But if one of us gets cut, I will not be calm.
- No e-mail.
- I'm fine.
I'm good, too.
Good. 
See? 
I knew it.
I knew it. 
I knew none of us would get cut.
Yet. 
There's gonna be another round.
So I'm there in the spleen repair with Dr Hunt, and he's got the cautery and he's moving it back and forth, you know, fixing bleeders, and then he just hands it to me...
Like it's the most normal thing in the world to do, like I repair spleens all the time.
And so I do it.
I repair the spleen on my own.
And I just... 
I realized, you know, if we just focus on our jobs, if we focus on our patients, we're gonna be fine.
Megan got cut.
I didn't, but she did.
What? 
How?
The Chief sent out an e-mail.
He fired three-quarters of our class.
We're having a baby.
Terry. 
Hey, Terry.
It's been a real pleasure working with you.
- Thanks 
- Sorry about everything.
So what did I do wrong, so I can learn for next time?
You didn't do anything wrong.
This is about the money.
I've been here seven years.
All my friends are here.
I'll find another job, but, it's seven years. 
You have no idea.
Look, if you need a job recommendation, anything, just call me, okay?
- Rough day.
- I need some sleep.
Let's go home.
No, I can't. 
I just got kicked off of peds.
- I'm totally screwed.
- Cristina, come on...
No, I can't sleep. 
I can't...
I can't leave if she's not leaving.
We're all susceptible to it... the dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming.
No way.
Are you serious?
I'm gonna go to the Chief myself.
And I'm gonna tell him you're the best second-year resident I've ever seen.
I'm safe.
I didn't get cut, Mark. 
I'm safe.
It's pointless in the end...
I hate, hate, hate this merger because I hate long-distance relationships.
I don't believe in them. 
So...
You can't move to Portland.
When I mentioned it this afternoon, you didn't seem to mind.
You were like, "move to Portland."
I didn't know that I was allowed to mind.
I didn't know if we were girlfriends, but then, you said "girlfriend." You called me your girlfriend, so I need to know.
Am I your girlfriend?
Good
So, yeah. 
No, you're not moving to Portland.
No, but what you are gonna do is you're gonna go into the Chief's office,
- and you're gonna beg...
- I'm not gonna grovel.
You are. 
Seriously, you don't want to mess with me.
Because all the worrying... and all the making of plans for things that could or could not happen... it only makes things worse.
I forgot he was dead today.
For a few hours in surgery,
I forgot I had cancer and I forgot he was dead.
But George is dead... and you do have cancer.
I want you to keep doing what you love.
You're a great doctor.
And you have a fantastic future ahead of you.
But you gotta step up and start taking care of yourself.
You gotta take your meds, you gotta eat, you gotta pace yourself...
Because I can't be your nurse.
I can't.
So walk your dog... or take a nap.
Just, whatever you do, stop worrying.
I'm sorry. 
I don't have time for games.
I have to get back to the hospital.
She's right. 
She does have to go back to the hospital.
We're not gonna talk about the hospital. 
We're here to play baseball.
And drink beer
- Drink a beer.
- What more do you want in life?
How can I drink beer when all my friends just got fired?
I'm sorry. 
I'm leaving.
You need this. 
Put this on. 
That's right.
There we go.
- Now hit the ball.
- I don't want to hit the ball.
What, are you trying...
You need to stop thinking about what's gonna happen, and you need to focus on what is right in front of you.
Now hit the ball.
Because the only cure for paranoia...
- Now you like baseball.
- Unbelievable.
All right, here we go, little Grey. 
Let's go.
Is to be...
Here...
Just as you are.

I can not believe!
My Captain Jim Bob Sherwood Farmhouse Space Command Module was appraised at 400 dollars!
Yeah, but then you fainted and squashed one of the space cows.
Now it just looks like space road kill.
Hey, guys!
I was just cleaning out the basement and I found some cool stuff.
Justin, here's your scooter.
Weren't you looking for it?
Yeah, when you hid it from me when I was eight.
My old Shaun Cassidy poster!
Who put lipstick on...?
Oh, yeah!
Never mind.
Hey, Dad, isn't this yours?
Oh! 
My football phone.
Wait a minute. 
Why would you be cleaning out the basement?
You don't clean out anything.
What are you up to?
Come on, tell me.
Nothing. 
Nothing.
I just...
I just think that in these tough times, families have forgotten what really matters.
And I'll tell you what really matters.
Each other.
And do you know how we celebrate each other?
With tokens from our past... 
Memories.
- Nice!
- No way.
Best performance by a daughter in a nonsense role!
That was amazing!
Chihuahua!
Ah, now we get the truth.
Her own art studio.
Alex, you think you can clear out the basement and make it your own space without asking us?
My old yearbook!
Who wants to see my old hair?
Sick, Dad! 
Is that where you keep it?
This is just another one of her decoys so no one will stop her from getting the basement.
Look at her!
See? 
Decoy.
She knows that someone else is more deserving of the basement, someone with a very valuable Captain Jim Bob Sherwood collection that should be kept in a temperature constant environment. 
Just sayin'.
Hold on right there.
- No one is getting the basement. 
- That's right.
This is where we keep all the stuff that we don't let each other keep upstairs.
Knock it off!
Harper, what happened?
Did you wear your walnut hat near the park? 
Did the squirrels attack you?
No. 
I'm moving.
- What? 
- What do you mean you're moving?
My dad got transferred to Pittsburgh.
Harper, you're my best friend.
You can't leave. 
What about school?
I would stay and finish school if we had family in town, but we don't.
I mean, we do, but they won't tell us where they live.
Well, we're your family, too.
That's right, Harper.
We're here for you.
Because you're always here for us.
Always here...
Always.
Hey, you know what we should do?
We should let Harper move into the basement.
It would be great for me! 
Us. 
Her.
Really? 
Well, let me ask my mom for permission.
Mom, you were right.
They did ask.
Okay, bye.
She said yes.
Group hug!
You and your mom manipulated us.
Looks like you are part of this family.
Well, if you're gonna be a part of this family, you should know that we don't group hug.
It's already feeling like home.
This is so heavy.
This is gonna be so great, Harper!
I know. 
Two best friends living together, sharing the load.
It'll be great.
So, my easel is here.
And my paints are right there.
And my canvases are up here.
Oh, and Harper...
You can sleep in the corner...
Behind the water heater. 
Warm and cozy.
Really? 
Oh, yeah!
You need your art studio more than I need a comfortable bed... or breathable air.
I'll just sleep on a towel or possibly standing up, like a horse!
Yeah, no, that'd be great. 
As long as you don't take up too much room.
No, I'm trying to tell you that you're being selfish.
Harper, I'm letting you sleep in my art studio. 
How is that selfish?
- Alex!
- Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm really glad you're gonna be living here, Harper.
Now come on, let's clear out all of my stuff and set up your room.
Let me know when you're done.
Just kidding!
Sorry! 
Yeah.
Hey, isn't this your old dollhouse we used to play with?
It looked so much bigger when we were little.
Yeah. 
Man.
If only at age five I knew I was a wizard
I would have shrunk myself down and...
Oh, no! 
Did you just go "hmm"?
Yes, I did, Harper.
And I wish you would stop being so afraid of my "hmms".
One of these days my "hmm" is gonna be something great.
Let's see if it's today.
Do we have to?
Shrinka dink, shrinka dank, shrinka dunk.
I guess we do.
This is my best "hmm" yet.
My very own art studio.
To make teeny-tiny art?
! 
Cool.
Hey, if I stick my toes in the window can you paint my nails?
Won't it look weird if someone walks in and sees you?
They'll mostly be looking at this anyway.
Jerry, take 'em off.
I'm throwing them out.
But what if I want to go to the gym?
What if I want to stop being embarrassed in this neighborhood?
Fine. 
Then you have to throw out those love poems about Shaun Cassidy.
- Who snitched?
- A little birdie told me.
Excuse me, I'm more like an eagle or a hawk.
Caw! 
Wait.
I just told you I was the snitch, didn't I?
I'll find my own punishment.
Hey, Dad, can I borrow those pants and a camera?
That was a good one, honey.
Justin...
I'm no expert about collectible toys.
Thank goodness for that.
But shouldn't you store that away somewhere?
Dad, two things. 
One, you're terrible at making side comments to yourself.
And two, I've decided to sell my Captain Jim Bob Sherwood Farmhouse Space Command Module.
- Why?
- Because the other person shouldn't hear your side comment.
Turning your head to the side, not lowering your voice...
No. 
Why are you selling it?
I know I would.
I'm selling it because...
I still heard that.
I don't have the temperature constant basement to store it in.
Keeping it just wouldn't be fair to the plastic.
Oh, we have a customer!
Nice sweatshirt.
See, now that was a good side comment because he didn't hear you. 
Good.
- Are you Randy?
- Yeah, I'm Randy.
I heard your side comment about my sweatshirt.
I'll get it!
Well, here it is.
"Immaculate condition", as described in my auction ad.
Oh, which also says, "appraised for 300 dollars".
I'll give you 75 dollars for it.
Seventy-five dollars?
! 
Cute.
I should charge you 75 dollars just for looking at it.
Well, it is obvious that somebody fell on it and squashed the space cows.
Call me when you wake up from your dream.
Yeah, well, your Captain Jim Bob sweatshirt's an iron-on, not an original!
Yeah! 
Some people just don't understand fashion.
Harper, I love your new bedroom, but...
Aren't these headless mannequins gonna freak you out at night?
Yeah, I put heads on them before I go to bed.
I should probably go get those before my dad takes them to Pittsburgh instead of taking my mom.
He likes them better 'cause they don't talk back.
Okay, well, I'll be in my art studio.
Shrinka dink, shrinka dank, shrinka dunk.
Harper's room looks great.
A pretzel dress.
This dress could use a little more salt.
Come on, we still got a lot of stuff to throw out.
Oh, look!
It's Alex's old dollhouse.
So many memories.
We can get rid of that, too, huh?
Wait! 
Harper!
Harper! 
Wait!
Wait!
Oh, no!
- Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Russo.
- Hi, Olive.
How's your dad's produce stand?
Fine, thank you.
Oh, Mr. Russo, here's your bag of corn husks you use for lettuce.
She's so cute.
That's a really pretty dollhouse, Mrs. Russo. 
Is it yours?
Mine? 
Oh, no, honey.
It's Alex's.
She's too old now, so we're gonna get rid of it.
Really? 
May I have it?
Oh, of course!
And you know what?
It comes with a carrying strap. 
Here you go.
Thank you so much!
Oh, you can't have that.
It's Alex's. 
But that's all yours.
Harper, I know you and Alex loved playing with this when you were little, but don't you want someone else to enjoy it now?
No.
Harper, we already gave it to Olive.
Can I at least look inside of it?
You know, for sentimental reasons.
Harper, I dropped my wand and it rolled out the door when we were in the basement.
I'm in so much trouble.
I'll go get Justin.
Come on, Senorita Kitty!
Get Justin? 
Why?
Because he loved this dollhouse, too.
Harper!
Don't go ask Justin for help.
I'm gonna try to fix this myself.
Now, please go and try to find my wand.
It's somewhere in the basement. 
Hurry!
And remind me to always go to the bathroom before I come in here.
Justin! 
Justin!
I need your help!
I have to concentrate.
I'm trying to restore my Captain Jim Bob Sherwood Farmhouse Space Command Module's space cows to bring it back to its full 400 dollars value.
- Now steady...
- Just gimme that!
Harper! 
What are you doing? 
No, you're not...
Wow, it's perfect!
You're really good at that.
I paint mountain scenes on grains of rice. 
Of course I'm good at it.
Now listen, Alex turned her old dollhouse into an art studio, and shrunk herself to work in it, but your mom and dad gave it to a little girl down the street.
Just tell her to use her wand to reverse the spell.
Oh, I left out a part.
She lost her wand in the basement.
I looked everywhere. 
I can't find it.
Okay, I'll go.
I'll fix it.
Oh, I kinda left out another part.
I wasn't supposed to ask for your help.
- What? 
- She wants to fix this on her own.
But, come on, you and I both know she can't fix this.
So, are you gonna help me help her or not?
Okay, okay...
I'll do both.
I'll help her by not helping her.
If I don't help her, it will make her a better wizard.
So, I'm not gonna help her.
Which will help her.
What?
!
If you weren't so darn cute, I'd be mad at you right now.
Harper...
Look what I found under my bed.
A very valuable collector's item.
Max, that's a paper plate piled high with trash.
Yeah, I had it appraised.
Now it's worth 250 dollars.
Who would pay you 250 dollars for that?
This bargain hunter right here.
I mean, unless someone was willing to pay 260 then I would go to 275.
Max, why would you bid against yourself on something you already own...
- A bidding war!
- Sold. 
You owe me 275.
Where is it?
I know you're in here.
Your hair is so tangled!
Maybe we should just cut it all off and glue some yarn on.
Hi, Olive.
How are you?
Fine. 
Are you gonna try and take my dollhouse?
I'm sorry about that.
Why don't we be friends and maybe we can schedule one of those "play dates"?
Really? 
I have to ask my mom because she told me to stay away from the weird girl.
Well...
Maybe she meant someone else.
Aren't you the one who wears a hat made of walnuts?
Well, I did what you said, Randy.
I thought about your offer, and 75 dollars sounds pretty good.
Then we have a deal.
That we do.
Because 75 dollars...
Sounds pretty good.
Giant dog who waterskis, you've done it again.
- Seventy-five dollars! 
- Oh, hey! 
Is that a Colonel Jim Bob...
- Captain! 
- Captain Jim Bob Sherwood...
Barnyard Command Module?
Oh! 
Well, it's in great shape.
- Are you selling it? 
- Yeah, but I just bought it for 75 dollars.
Really?
I'll pay you more.
- A hundred dollars. 
- Hey, hey!
We were making a deal here.
Yes, we were, but now there's someone else here offering 100 dollars.
- One-twenty-five.
- One-fifty.
Do I hear 175, 75, 75?
- One-seventy-five. - 175.
Signal with the index.
- One-seventy-five is the current offer. 
- Two hundred.
- Two hundred...
- Two-fifty!
- Two-seventy-five!
- Slow down, boys.
- You want to bait the bidder... 
Three hundred dollars! 
- Three-ninety-five!
You can't find my wand?
Can't you see what Olive is doing to me?
I know, and I'm kind of jealous.
I've been trying for years to get you to wear a pretty dress like that.
She is pulling all of my hair out with her cat's brush!
The dress is bad enough. 
I don't want to be a bald doll!
Look, I really tried to figure this out on my own, but I just don't know what to do.
You're gonna have to ask Justin for help.
Right. 
About that,
I kind of already did.
I told you not to!
But I guess you knew I couldn't figure this out on my own, right?
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay. 
You're right.
So what's Justin gonna do to help me?
Nothing. 
He said he's helping you with your wizard studies by not helping you.
Apparently he thinks you can fix this on your own and, man, is he alone in that.
He actually thinks I can fix this on my own?
What kind of jacked double-reverse psychology is he pulling?
!
Where is he?
He just sold his Captain Jim Bob Sherwood Farmhouse Space Command Module.
Apparently a guy paid a lot of money for it.
So... 
Justin's got money?
Well, then he's about to help me whether he likes it or not.
I can't believe you're gonna buy my dollhouse for so much money!
I can't believe it either!
But it has a lot of, sentimental value.
It's practically family.
You owe me a lot of allowances.
Thank goodness I'm me again!
Well, a gross version of me.
Wait! 
Don't change until I get my giant teddy bear and my tea set.
Kitty, it's gonna be an all-girl tea party!
Well...
Thank you, Justin.
I will pay you back the money.
No, you won't.
I know, but the "thank you" was real.
Wait! 
Where are you going?
This is the part where we fight it out until I win.
I lost 400 dollars.
You already won.
No! 
I won because I wanted to fix this on my own, but I couldn't until you made me.
And, now, I'm a better wizard for it.
No, it was my money. 
I fixed it.
But it was my idea.
This isn't about the money.
The important thing is, that it's all better now.
So you can say "You're welcome".
For what? 
I'm out 400 dollars!
There you go! 
There's the fight I was looking for.
Don't you feel better?
Fine.
Oh, Justin, you're hurting me.
Yeah. 
I do feel better now. 
Thank you.
Three hundred eighty, three hundred ninety...
Four hundred dollars.
Well, Olive, there you go.
Your very own collectible plate of garbage.
So you ended up with all of my money?
You should've bought the plate of collectible garbage when you had the chance.
Come on, man!
I'll buy you a sandwich.
You don't even know how to spend the money right!
We get sandwiches for free!

I collect goldfish.
I keep them in a small tankinmy bedroom.
Other kids my age like dogs, if they like animals at all, but for me, it's goldfish.
I understand them, living underwater in a little bowl, hearing nothing, just watching things through glass.
My name is Clay Pietrysk.
I'm basically your average teenager, except for the fact that I've been deaf since I was born, and I can't really speak.
Your average teenager, except for the deaf part, and the fact that my father was shot to death outside a bar in McKees Rocks a little over a year ago.
But all of this isn't only about me.
All of this is more about waiting for someone you know will never come back... about that time spent waiting... and the people you meet in the waiting room.
[#]
See, my dad was shot once, in the stomach.
Walter Blount's sister was raped, stabbed, and hit over the head eight times with a brick.
After she died, her killer tried to burn her body.
When that didn't work, he left her by the river's edge, half covered with a garbage bag.
[groaning with effort]
You're up, Walter.
[muffled]: 
Feeling peckish?
Try Megabird.
What the cluck?
No. 
No...
Feeling peckish?
Try Megabird.
We're egg-cited to serv--
What the cluck?
Try Megabird.
Chicken, you're an asshole.
Don't say that!
Don't-- don't you say that!
That was an interesting discussion about how a grandparent feels.
So many times, extended family gets forgotten or neglected in favor of spouses and sons and daughters, and your pain is just as real, just as profound.
Thank you for bringing that up today.
It was good stuff.
It's good stuff... do I have to stay for this?
Hush.
Linda Pietrysk is going to share the life reconstruction book she made for her husband Larry.
Linda?
I really don't like talking out loud in front of people, but...
I know Gloria is going next, and she said if I could, she could, so...
Um...
I went through what I could find, and so I'll just start from when Larry and I first met, and this is when he went away to play A-ball out in Oregon.
Baseball didn't work out, on account of his drinking, so... and, uh... this is, um, when our son Clay was born.
When he was alive, my dad drank a lot and collected guns.
My dad also had friends who drank a lot and collected guns.
[gunshot blasts]
One of those friends, Mark Jankowski, shot my dad with one of those guns after one of those nights drinking.
[siren wails]
People have different versions of what happened.
No matter what the story, I don't really care.
Mark Jankowski killed my dad.
And this is the last picture I have of Larry.
It's, uh...
Mark is in it, the guy who... but I kept it because... well, it's the last one I have.
So...
Thank you, Linda.
I know that was difficult.
Thank you.
It was good stuff.
Gloria Blount has finished the reconstruction book for her daughter.
Gloria?
Well, this is, uh, the book that I made for my daughter Annie.
Most of the pictures have my son Walter in them because they were... they're twins, and...
Walter came along with me today because I asked him to.
He didn't want to come.
Anyway, um...
Annie came first, and Walter came eight minutes later.
It was one of the few times Walter came in second, and, um...
Annie has a little girl, named Beth.
She's five.
She's my granddaughter.
She lives with us now.
And Annie was engaged to this man named Brice... see, me and Walter have things in common, not just the fact that people we loved were murdered, but the fact that we got stuck with the things
that those people left behind.
Tell me.
No trouble.
What time will you be home?
Okay.
Love you.
There is simply no direct evidence connecting Tom Friedinger to the murder of Annie Blount.
There's no forensic evidence.
There's no witnesses to the crime itself, nothing, save for Mr. Friedinger's communication with the decedent an hour before she was abducted and killed.
Yes, he liked to walk her home at night, particularly when she was drunk, which she was that night.
Yes, he gave her presents and wrote her letters and sent her flowers, but that does not mean that he attacked her that night.
Strong feelings for the victim are not enough evidence upon which to proceed!
Uh, particularly when you take into account
Miss Blount's lifestyle, and the number of men she's been with in the last few years alone!
Again, your honor, there simply is not enough evidence upon which to proceed.
Me and Walter,
We know how it feels when a new day begins, and someone doesn't show up for it.
We know how it feels.
People need to have something in common to keep them close.
Something like a job, or a hobby, or a sport... or the wait for something to change, for justice... [gavel bangs]
All rise.
For fairness.
Court is adjourned.
But the wait can get difficult...
Please bring the motion to my chambers.
And after a while, you can't just watch the story go on without you.
After a while, you take the story back.
You're not helping us in there.
The way you sit in that gallery and glare at Friedinger makes Friedinger seem even more sympathetic than he already is.
Sympathetic?
Walter, he's a fat slob with a low I.Q.
Who's never caught a break in his life, and you know as well as I do the evidence we've got isn't exactly going to fry him without the jury on our side.
Come to court, just... lighten it up, you know?
So, Mrs. Pietrysk...
Hi.
Let some steam off before you come in.
Jury selection will take the better part of the week.
Each side will have a chance to rule out any potential problem jurors.
We'll get the right people up there, and we'll start this thing.
Okay.
Okay?
Hi.
You're Gloria's son, right?
Yeah.
Walter.
Walter, right.
Oh, God... you can't smoke in this damn place.
I'm here for jury selection.
I heard it can take a while.
That's what the prosecutor was just telling me.
There's a snack machine on the second floor, in case you get hungry.
Thanks.
[television program plays]
[shootout blares]
'Night.
Love you.
Love you, too, Ma.
Try your cluck with daily free lunch drawings.
Suck cock, cock.
You shouldn't s-- you shouldn't--
What?
Don't be chicken, try Megabird.
Oh, please.
Fuck off.
Most survivors turn to the criminal justice system for a kind of emotional support in their need to see their loved one's assailants apprehended, prosecuted, convicted, and punished.
Unfortunately, the criminal justice system exists for society, not for you as an individual.
So whatever you believe the appropriate punishment for the murder is will probably not be doled out.
Even if the killer gets the death sentence, it ultimately will not make you feel better.
Okay, that does it for today.
Remember, we set a date for the charity rummage sale, and this should be a great way to let go of those possessions you've struggled to get rid of, as well as a good way to raise money
for victims' families.
Good stuff.
Judge Wettick rejected the defense's motions to dismiss and for mistrial.
So, we're back to it.
I don't wish to speak ill of the dead, but she drank, a lot.
She was promiscuous.
She had sexual relations with many men.
Consequently, it gave many men reason to react to her.
[quietly]:
That's not true...
She was a person who put herself into dangerous situations with great frequency.
That's not true.
It has been established in this court of law that Miss Blount was not even certain who the father of her child is!
What are you saying about my sister?
Mr. Blount.
He's telling a lie!
Mr. Blount.
He's-- that's a lie!
He's lying!
This is your last warning, Mr. Blount.
But he doesn't know anything about her!
Mr. Blount...
You're just going to let him--
Mr. Blount...
You are so full of sh-- [voice breaking]:
You are so f--
Walter?
What happened?
This defense attorney basically just called my sister a wh...
Whore.
Oh, that's not right.
Basically said she brought it on herself.
I'm sorry.
It's not enough that he represents that... that human piece of crap, but to call my sister's honor into question?
I wonder what would happen if we waited outside for him later today and beat the living shit out of him.
I'd never even been to court before all of this happened.
It's like a...
It's like a foreign country in there.
The words they use and how things happen, it's-- it's... it's like I got on the wrong plane and got off in some fucked-up country
I'm not supposed to be in.
You don't talk much, do you?
I don't know.
Well, so, what were you doing before all of this happened?
Wrestling.
Wrestling?
Yeah, um, I was in Iowa, training with the national team, and then... it happens, and I came home, and I stayed.
How old are you?
24.
24, and you want to stay around here.
I just need to see this thing through.
[clears throat]
One way or another.
So, what do you do when you're not hanging around the courthouse?
W-what do you mean?
Well, I mean for a living.
Do you work?
I'm a chicken.
The, uh... well, the chicken that stands outside of Megabird.
Are you the one I told to fuck off?
[chuckling]: 
Sorry about that.
It's okay.
Well, you were kind of just staring at me.
[chuckles]
I'm not very good at it.
The other guy who wears the suit,
Jose, he, like, dances...
Right.
And flaps his arms and stuff.
Right, right, right.
Oh, you're the one who sits on the... the edge of the window.
The sad chicken.
[sighs]
Well, I work over at the community center.
I oversee the special events, mostly weddings.
I started doing it after Larry was killed.
I was just kind of walking around in a haze, and... anyway, my girlfriend, she's head of human resources over there, so, you know, that's... that's how I got hired.
Do you like it?
The job?
They don't make me wear a chicken suit.
No.
Oh, wrestling.
Right.
[#]
# when we were green and young as shoots # # the world took off beneath our boots # # oh, we were picked when we were young # # gentle words and modesty # # when we turned towards the tide #
# choirs screamed in their delight # # oh, I am ripe and ready now # # my heart is heavy it's going to fall # # out of my body... #
[grunting with effort] [boys shouting angrily, thrown cans clatter]
[jeering and laughing]
Hey, let's go, boys, let's go!
[shouting retreats]
[straining with effort]
Jesus, Walter.
What the hell are you doing?
I got it.
Jesus Christ, Walter, what the hell are you doing pushing all that weight around alone?
[sighs heavily]
Oh, uh, I made an extra key for you for the weight room.
Lock up when you go.
Thank you.
Are you, uh... you entering the regional tournament?
No.
What?
I'm not wrestling anymore, coach.
What the hell are you training so hard for?
[shouting taunts, laughing]
Oh, yeah!
[angry taunts, thrown cans clatter] [jeering and laughing]
Hey, 'tard!
"Special" my ass.
Hey, you guys better catch the other ones!
Come on, you too cool, buddy?
You can't talk to me?
[hoots of laughter]
We got one, boys, the biggest one!
Want to run with me, tough guy?
Want to run with me?
You too cool to talk to me, big guy?
Come on, guy, let's go!
You ride the cart into school this morning?
In the back of the yellow twinkie bus?
Come on, tough guy.
[almost inaudible]:
Come on, retard, do something.
Don't just stand there.
You got to talk to me first, tough guy.
What's up?
Do something.
Let's go, retard.
Are you going to fight me or not?
What, you can't hear me?
What are you, deaf or something?
Let's go, buddy.
Do something.
Don't just stand there.
[muted, to Clay's ears]:
You hear what I'm saying to you?
I just wanted to know if you want to fight me or not--
Hey!
"Special" my ass.
Hey, leave him alone!
[crowd gasps]
Take him out!
[crowd egging them on]
You all right, man?
You all right?
All right, take it easy.
Hey, he sucker-punched me!
Take it easy.
Hey...
Hey!
I'm Walter.
I know your mother.
Give me the gun.
I'm serious.
Give it to me.
The gun.
Give me the gun.
Fucking pulled a gun on me, the freak!
[muffled]: 
Kid starts kind of shoving him and whatnot.
He put a pretty good lickin' on him.
He, uh, pulled out a gun.
Shit!
Shit... [sighs]
I have to talk to him for a second.
Will you hang around?
[muffled shouts from basement]
Are you--
No, you can't have the gun back!
I know!
Look at me!
I know.
I know those kids were teasing you.
Clay, you can't--
Clay, look--
Clay...
Would you mind not doing that?
Why has he got a gun?
[sighs]
It was his father's.
No, what's he doing with it?
I'm not stupid, Walter.
I didn't give him bullets or anything.
Forget it.
I'll take it away.
I have to now.
If he gets kicked out of another school,
Fuck!
God, and the trial is starting, and I don't know what I'm going to do with him.
I have to deal with this now, so... [gun thuds on table]
Yeah.
Your mom told me you were coming home soon, so I just waited.
You want to go get a beer or something?
I'm not drinking.
I could probably help you get a job over where I'm working if you wanted to, you know,
Do something indoors, or...
I'm okay.
I told you about that girl I was seeing, right?
Uh, yeah.
Grace.
She's pregnant.
I'm going to ask her to marry me.
Okay.
And I wanted to know if, you know, maybe you could talk to your mom about Annie's ring?
You know, I didn't want to just...
I just thought it might upset her, coming from me.
You know, and I can't afford to buy another one.
But, I mean, if she freaks out or something,
I understand.
It's cool.
[#]
I'm going to sell Annie's record collection in the rummage sale, unless you want 'em.
Have you seen my yellow sweatshirt?
Check the wash.
Which-- this wash?
Great, Ma.
Oh.
I let Beth help with the laundry.
Well, now I've got to go to the store and buy another one before work.
Why?
Because chickens are yellow, Ma,
Not pink!
Maybe it's time you thought about going back to Iowa.
Honey, Annie wouldn't want it this way.
What way?
Well, you in a chicken suit outside the Megabird, for one.
And you sitting in that courtroom all day, staring at Peggy Friedinger's half-retarded son.
How would Annie want it, Ma?
She'd probably want you to be...
I don't know, doing what you used to do the way you used to do it.
Am I embarrassing you?
No, Honey.
You know what Annie would want?
Annie would want it to be made right.
She'd want it to be fair.
I can fix you some eggs or something.
By the way, Brice stopped by.
He wants Annie's ring back.
Oh?
Yeah, he got some girl pregnant, and now he wants to give her Annie's ring.
Oh.
It's up in Beth's room, in the dresser drawer.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
What are you doing?
Grammy says I can stay home from school today.
What are you going to do instead?
Is that you, Walter?
Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
Listen...
I just wanted to come by, and...
Can you... can you take off that damn mask, please?
Yeah.
Thanks.
You know it's raining out.
Yeah.
And they make you stand out here in the rain?
Yeah.
Want to get a coffee?
I don't drink coffee.
I'll watch you drink coffee.
Okay.
Just, I need one second.
I just want to thank you for helping Clay.
I'm afraid I...
I was bitchy.
So, anyway, thanks.
What's going to happen with him?
Oh, the city put him in this program.
What program?
Some genius in the Mayor's office thinks if you send a kid to the coroner's office and watch autopsies on gunshot deaths it'll change his life.
Autopsies?
And this is a kid--
I mean, his father was shot to death.
Listen,
I'm doing this wedding Saturday night, and I'm allowed to bring someone...
Okay.
And it's not like a date or anything,
I just need someone to come with me.
Because I cr... [laughs]
I cry too much at the weddings, and I...
I just can't seem to stop it, and I just-- I think about Larry, and I-- and I lose it, and... anyway, so my friend is saying maybe I shouldn't do it anymore if I can't control my emotions,
so I was thinking, well, maybe if I had someone with me... [sighing]
I wouldn't feel so sorry for myself.
You know, if you want to come.
[#]
# you would be nothing without me #
# I could be nothing # # said the waves to the sand #
# I could be nothing without you # # without you I would be nothing # # without me you could be nothing # # said the waves... #
Mom!
Oh...
Out.
I have to get dressed.
Out.
Hi, Walter.
Hey.
You look nice.
Thank you.
That's...
You...
Oh.
Is this weird?
Going to a wedding where you don't know anybody?
I guess.
I...
I just feel kind of stupid asking for your help now.
It's okay.
I was just going to watch TV, so...
Okay.
So...
Okay.
Thank you.
So, this wedding we're going to...
Yeah?
It's a beautiful story, really.
Um, they met in their church choir, and, um, well, her father is dead, but was military, and her uncle is walking her down the aisle, and the flag that was over her father's coffin
is going to be placed in an empty seat in the front row.
Oh, and then the bride and groom are going to sing to each other, and... [whispering]: 
Oh, and she's pregnant.
# I thought my prayers... # [sobbing] # would never be answered # # but I kept the faith... # [whispers]: 
I'm sorry.
I know this is so stupid.
# out of nothing you made my life anew #
# I found all these things when I found you # [sobbing]
Will you take this man... [whispering]: 
You said you didn't want to cry.
...for better for worse, in good times and in bad, for richer, for poorer... [sobs] in sickness, and in health, so long as you both shall live?
I do.
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
[slapping]
Ow!
You may kiss your bride.
[sniggering] [cheering and applause]
[dance music plays]
You're having a terrible time.
Nope.
I'm just watching.
Yeah.
They're all so happy, aren't they?
Have you ever been married?
No.
No.
Close?
No, I've just been...
Wrestling, you know?
Mm.
Wrestling.
No kids?
Sometimes I help watch my sister's daughter.
She's five, and a half.
So I help with her.
Oh.
Hey, pretty lady.
Hey!
Hey, come dance with me.
Oh, no.
That's cool with you, right?
Come on, now.
Okay.
You arranged all this, right?
Okay.
[#]
...so open, and he was so gentle with her.
Yeah.
He was nice.
Wasn't he?
He seems like a really nice guy.
He's the greatest guy.
Yeah.
I'm sorry I got drunk.
Oh, that's okay.
That's...
I'm sorry I looked at your drawings.
Oh...
I don't know why I did that.
No, it's all right.
I'm sorry I got weird about it.
I liked them, though.
They're good.
I-I like how there aren't any people in them.
You don't have to say that.
No, I did.
They...
I...
There's something about an empty room.
I don't... there's something about... something interesting about what might happen next, because you don't know.
It could...
Yeah, I guess.
You just hope it's going to be good, though, you know?
For whoever steps inside.
At least I do.
That's really nice, Walter.
Oh, my God!
Jesus, that's Clay.
What?
Can you stop the bus?
Can you stop the bus?
Clay!
Damn it, Clay!
What the hell are you doing?
Go home!
No, just go the fuck home!
This is where the guy who killed my husband used to live.
[sighs]
Thank you.
I'm sorry about my son.
[door slams]
Linda?
What?
Could you ask Clay to meet me in the gym first thing Monday morning,
Before school?
Why?
Just ask him.
7:30 in the gym?
Okay.
'Night.
Thank you for the wedding.
You're welcome.
Good night.
[sighs] [front door opens]
Oh, use a plate, huh?
You were on a date last night.
Kind of.
Not really.
You were with Linda, huh?
Yeah.
Nice.
That's nice.
I guess.
I need your help with the rummage sale.
I'm not hanging out with you and your support group friends.
I'm not asking you to come, Walter.
I need help cleaning out the garage.
I can't lift half that stuff, okay?
Fine.
Thank you.
It's nice you have a new friend.
I went to a wedding that she was working at.
That's it.
[coach's whistle blows]
Okay, let's go!
Good, good!
Explode!
Hey...
One more, up you go!
I don't know how to talk to you, so I just wrote some stuff down.
This is about the team, okay?
Hey...
Ah, good one!
That's what I like to see.
This is a permission slip you've got to get your ma to sign, all right?
Just...
Okay, watch it!
I think you'd be good at it.
Keep those feet together.
At least it'll help you work off some of that stuff.
And again.
Come on, pick it up!
Wrestling helped me a lot when I was your age.
All right, take five.
[blows whistle]
That's the coach.
He's going to talk to you now.
Tommy was home by 11:00.
How do you know that?
The news just started.
We watched it together.
The 11:00 news?
That's right.
We always watch the news together, and then the late show after.
So at 11:00, at least an hour before the coroner said the murder took place, your son Thomas was home with you?
That's what I said.
No more questions.
You may step down, Mrs. Friedinger.
Walter, hey.
Hey.
So, uh...
Grace said yes when I proposed.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
Can I get in here for a second?
Yeah, sorry.
She's not going to tell her parents she's pregnant until after the wedding, so we're moving pretty fast here.
Okay.
So we want you to be in the wedding party.
I mean, you and your mom should be part of this, you know?
It just wouldn't be right if you all weren't part of this.
Great.
Hey...
Thank you.
Yeah.
Thanks, man.
Yeah.
[grunting with effort]
How's he doing?
Wrestling's a lot different than fist-fighting.
Yeah.
But he stuck it through the whole practice, and he's still at it.
I'll help him.
All right, you guys!
No conditioning tomorrow morning, light workout tomorrow after school.
Okay, good.
You did good.
Come on, off you go!
All right, good!
Are you sure this is going to be all right?
Yeah, deaf kids can wrestle. 
He's...
Okay.
You just, uh...
You might want to get him some Ben-Gay or something.
And tell him to take a hot shower
Before he goes to bed, just so he doesn't cramp up too much.
Thanks.
[judge]: 
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you have heard all the evidence.
Now it is my duty to instruct you on the law that applies to this case.
You must base your decision on the facts and the law, and you must determine these facts from the evidence received in this trial, and not from any other sources.
Hey...
Hey.
The jury's deliberating.
Oh.
Hi.
Hi.
They're breaking until Monday.
Sometimes it takes a few hours, sometimes it takes a few days.
Friday's not a great day to start deliberating, so... they'll bring something back next week.
I'm sure of it.
So, what are you going to do with yourself this weekend?
I don't know.
I have another wedding on Saturday night.
You know, if you want to kill some time.
They met on the internet.
[chuckles]
He's in a wheelchair.
She's works at a gym in South Hills teaching some exercise classes.
He's a professor at, uh, CMU, in computers.
She's never even been to college.
It's crazy.
[laughs]
So, you know, something to do.
Are you going to say anything or not?
Uh, sure.
I-I'd...
I'll come.
I'll come with you.
Okay.
I'd like that.
Okay.
Oh.
They're starting up, so...
I'll see you later.
Okay, tomorrow at, uh, 5:00.
[#]
[#]
Oh, your friend, um, Brice, came in here with his fiancee the other day.
Guess they're using the community center for the wedding.
Anyway, I told them I'd help them out.
You know, save some money.
That's nice.
Come on, Linda.
I want you to dance.
We'll show you, come on.
[chuckles]:
You want to dance?
No, I don't dance.
No, neither did my husband.
Well, I'm going to.
You don't have to, but I'm going to.
I want everybody to dance.
I want everybody to have fun.
Come on, Linda.
I'm sorry.
You're working.
Yeah, but I left you sitting in here for, like, an hour.
It's fine.
You're working.
It's-- it's okay.
I just had to make sure all the unused bottles weren't billed and the rose petals were put away.
You going to close up, Linda?
Oh, yeah, go on.
I'll-
- I'll do it.
Thank you for helping.
Oh, uh, yeah.
No problem.
You know, you don't have to keep coming to these things if it's boring for you.
No, it's-- it's okay. 
It's--
You sure?
Yeah, I had fun, so...
Yeah, in your way.
In my way?
[chuckles]:
Yeah, your...
I know I'm a lot older than you, and I know I'm all... fucked up.
No, please don't stop.
Please keep going.
No, just, please, before I think too much.
Hi.
Hi.
[chuckles]
I...
I want you to hold onto this for me.
If I tell Clay you're keeping it for him--
I don't want it.
He won't argue with me.
I can't have it around here.
I don't want it.
To Clay... this is what he has left of his dad.
I can't just throw it away.
I haven't, since Larry died, even been able to talk to someone, let alone be with someone.
Yeah, I just, um...
I think I'd better get going.
Good night.
Good night.
[giggling nervously]
[#]
# when you finally scaled the wall # # thinkin' you had heard the siren singing # # what you really heard was a broken bird # # making out like it's a dove... #
Okay? 
You do it.
No, no--
Hook.
Hook that. 
Hook that.
Feel that?
Two.
# everybody knew what you were thinking # # ivory towers lover's flowers # # but no one thought you were a fool # # you never stopped to notice all # # the stolen clothes stacked in the hall... #
You know how.
Do it.
Come on.
# from the others who scaled the wall just to... #
Watch me.
Hey, watch me!
You're going to do what I do.
Fuck you!
Come on!
Come on!
I'm sorry about throwing you like that.
It's part of the sport.
I didn't mean anything by it.
Around this time about a year ago
I was a couple tournaments away from making the national team.
There was this guy, Packer, and this other guy from Northeast Pennsylvania.
Said he'd give me a run for it, but... man, I was close.
Then one day I'm... in the middle of a workout.
One of the trainers comes in.
I could just tell by the way she was looking at me that something...
really horrible had happened.
So I take the first bus home.
I get there, and everything is just a mess.
My little niece is asking where her mommy is,
Annie's fiance, he's just... he's in shock.
He's in no position to take her, and my mom just starts talking, just non-stop, just to anybody that'll listen.
It's, like, nobody's thinking about anything except for themselves.
Not about Annie, not about the guy that killed her.
I mean, am I so screwed up to be constantly thinking about this guy?
I got no idea what you're talking about.
Just tell your mom, and she'll tell me.
In the matter of the people of the Commonwealth versus Mark Henry Jankowski, case number T-O 21554.
We, the jury in the above-entitled action, find the defendant, Mark Henry Jankowski, guilty of the crime of murder in violation of Penal Code 187-A, a felony, upon Lawrence James Pietrysk, a human being.
[gavel bangs]
Hey...
You okay?
Clay's asleep.
Do you want to help me?
Mm-hm.
Turn the light out.
[footsteps approaching]
What?
I don't...
Do you want this?
Write it down?
What?
[thunder rumbles, rain falls]
Mom...
What are you doing?
Cleaning up for the rummage sale.
I see that.
Thanks for getting all that crap out of here.
Mom, the verdict.
[sighs]
The verdict's in an hour.
You're not coming?
I'm going to church.
Whatever Tom Friedinger gets isn't going to change anything for me.
[Judge]: 
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
I am going to ask that you carefully listen to the verdicts as they are being read by the clerk.
After they have been read, you will be asked if these are your verdicts.
I caution the audience to remain calm during the reading of these verdicts.
Any disruption will mean being removed from the courtroom.
Mr. Friedinger, please stand and face the jury.
Miss Nedved?
Superior Court of the Commonwealth in the matter of People of the Commonwealth versus Thomas Robert Friedinger, case number SA-21423.
We, the jury, in the above-entitled action, find the defendant, Thomas Robert Friedinger, not guilty of the crime of murder in violation of the Penal Code 187-A, a felony,
Upon Anne Lynn Blount, a human being... as charged in count two of the information.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is this your verdict, so say you one, so say you all?
[gavel bangs]
[#]
Walter?
Are you okay?
Is there anything I can do?
Want to be left alone?
Sir!
Sir...
Yes?
I've changed my mind.
Excuse me?
The records.
Here's your money back.
I-I don't want to sell them anymore.
We agreed on a price.
I think I paid you fairly.
No, but it's not about the money.
I want my daughter's records back.
Sir, you should probably give her her records back.
What's your problem, man--
Give her her records back.
Gloria...
Remember why we're doing this.
Just take your damn money.
Please? 
Please?
Gloria?
Gloria, just take a breath--
Fuck you, Hank.
I want my daughter's records back.
Gloria, remember why we're doing this.
We're trying to get--
Jesus, lady.
Take the records.
I'm sorry.
Take them.
I'm sorry.
Take 'em.
Just g-give me... give me the Alan Parsons Project.
I gave that to her.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Hank.
You hit me with a goddamn umbrella!
I'm sorry.
What, this is funny?
This is funny?
Yeah, okay.
Okay, good stuff.
Oh yeah.
Good stuff.
[crying]
It's okay.
It's okay.
What happened?
He was...
They found him not guilty.
They're letting him out today.
Hmm.
We could use some help with the refreshments, Walter, if it's not too much trouble.
Walter...
Clay made varsity.
He's wrestling against Peabody.
Good.
He-- he wants you to come to the meet--
Walter, please, the mask.
You want to come over later, maybe?
Okay.
Okay.
What the cluck?
Try Megabird.
What the cluck?
What the cluck?
Try Megabird.
Hello, Tom.
What?
What the cluck?
Try Megabird.
Try Megabird, Tom.
You okay?
Yeah.
No, I just, I...
I got him into this.
No, he'll be fine.
Wrestlers... [team shouts encouragements]
Shake hands.
Wrestle!
Red!
Out!
[whistle blows]
Come on, buddy!
Green, you're down.
Man on... [whistle blows]
One, two... [thumps mat]
[crowd cheers]
Again!
[whistle blows]
Let's go again.
Ready?
Wrestle!
That's it, come on, get him!
Underhook over and under!
Hit it, hit it!
Yeah!
[crowd cheers]
One, two, three... [whistle blows]
Way to go, Clay, you did it!
Yeah!
[applause and cheering]
You won.
You won.
You won!
You won!
Get going.
[applause and cheering]
I haven't seen Clay that happy in years.
He was so happy.
He was so proud of himself.
The way he looked at you afterward... so was this anything more for you than just... waiting?
It is for me.
It has been... more.
So you're not going to just disappear on us, then?
Linda...
'Cause me and Clay, you know, we... we really like you.
Well, we love you is what I mean.
[#]
# every tale you tell # # every sinking wishing well #
# I can see your face in the deep blue sea # # every holding hand # # every piece of major land #
# I can feel... # # on the deep blue sea # # and your ship, love is moored # # head and stern # # and the dead weight of your loss # # drags me down #
# I will stay with you my love #
# I just need to feel you near # # and you beckon me each time #
# I close my eyes... # [shouting in pain]
How many times did you hit her?
How many times did you hit her?
How many times?
[cries out]
How many fucking times did you... hit her?
[coughing and gasping] [cries out]
It wasn't me!
It wasn't... [sobbing]:
It wasn't me.
You used a knife, and a brick!
And you burnt her body!
No, no, no!
I was the other guy from the bar!
I was the only one that was nice to her!
You killed her!
No, I tried to walk her home that night, and she wouldn't let me!
And she wouldn't let me... [sobbing]:
and she wouldn't let me...
I was her friend.
I tried!
I was her friend.
I was her friend.
I'm not going to tell anybody what happened, okay?
Can I go now, please?
Can I please go now?
[coughing and sobbing]
Clay.
What are you doing?
Go home.
[muted]: 
Go home, Clay.
Go home!
Go! 
Go!
[straining with effort]
[screaming]
[groaning] [gasps]
The Judge ruled these inadmissible, but we interviewed every one of these guys, and they all substantiated that... well... you know.
There wasn't much of a case against my client.
I'm sorry, Mr. Blount.
Walter?
Walter?
[sobbing]
What?
He didn't do it.
What?
He didn't do it.
He was trying to help her.
I'm sorry.
He was doing what I should have been doing.
I should have been there, but I left her...
No.
And so all she had to rely on was someone like that, that's what she...
Shh... 
No, no.
Shh... [sobbing]:
That's what she had...
It's okay, it's okay.
It's okay.
Let me take care of you.
Let me help you.
Okay?
Let me love you.
What are we, really?
What?
What are we?
To each other?
We're just sad reminders of--
Walter, stop.
You have your conviction.
What do I have?
I have nothing.
I have this.
I'm a fucking chicken!
You don't have to be afraid.
I'm not going to ask you to save me.
And I'm not going to disappear on you--
I'm not-- I'm not afraid!
I'm going back to Iowa.
I can't...
I can't be here anymore.
I'm sorry.
Hey...
You know, when I was eight,
I asked Grammy if I could have the basement.
Because I didn't want to share my room with a girl anymore.
Your mom was pretty mad about that.
She used to sneak down into my room and crawl into my bed after I fell asleep.
Just like you.
So that's why Grammy bought her this, to keep her company at night.
It would make her feel better.
So...
I think it's time for you to have this.
Hey...
It's for you.
I don't know what you're saying.
I can't...
"Man?"
Is this about that man?
I don't know.
I don't know anymore.
It's the key to the weight room.
Coach Partenheimer says he thinks you'll do well next year.
If you keep at it, he thinks you might make sectionals, so... you'll be all right.
I have to work tonight.
Please...
Stay home.
Please.
Love you.
[#] [murmur of vows]
Hey...
Hey.
I've spent my entire life... waiting.
[sniffles]
Thinking...
I didn't deserve any better than I got-- my husband and his drinking, my son, my life on the South Side.
You know what?
I like it here.
I love the grey sky, and the old buildings, and the smells coming from the houses and the stores, and...
I love raising my son here,
And I love being with you.
I'm sorry I'm so sad.
It's just that I know, if you would let me, I...
I could take good care of you.
And I know if you wanted to, you'd be good to me and Clay.
I know you would because you already are.
I just had to... before you leave... tell you how I felt.
Nothing more.
Nothing more.
# oh, the beauty of things # # you never consider # # like walking at night with a can of beer... #
[#] # a dark stormy night # # the lack of light # # consumes me sipping # # a dribble runs down my chin... #
[Clay]: 
I guess this is all about the things that were left behind.
The gun, the music box, the key to the weight room.
They keep us all holding on.
and maybe, in their own way, these souvenirs keep us wondering what to do with them...
# I want to hear you for the first time # # again #
[#] # oh, the beauty of things # # you never consider like... #
But the wait can become difficult.
And after a while, you can't just watch the story just go on without you.
After a while, you take the story back.
Linda...
Linda.
I made a mistake.
Clay's not here.
He took his gun.
I have no idea where to look.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I got it.
# and if you take the oldest works # # and if you take the newest works # # you find love # # and if you take the oldest songs # # and if you take the newest songs #
# you find love... #
[#]
Hello.
Can I help you?
Clay!
Go, Mom!
Go!
Clay!
[gunshot]
Clay!
[gunshot]
[wails in anguish] [gasping weakly]
You shot him.
You shot him!
Walter!
[sirens approach]
Walter...
I collect goldfish.
I understand them, living underwater in a little bowl...
"hearing nothing.
Just watching through the glass..."
My name is Clay Pietrysk.
I'm basically your average teenager.
Except for the fact that I've been deaf since I was born, and I can't really speak.
Good job.
Love you.
I love you, Mom.
But all of this isn't only about me... all of this is more about waiting for someone you know will never come back...
About that time spent waiting... and the people you meet in the waiting room.
[#]
[#]
# well, the ropes are taut # # and the stories have all been caught # # there's a frost-cover drawn on the shore # # and the catcher still seems to want more # # through the reel and through the unreal #
# not what you see but what you feel # # and what transpires here # # what I hear transpires # # and it falls, falls, falls # # and it falls, falls, falls # # it rises up, rises up #
# and it falls, falls, falls #
[#]
# I just want to break even #
# I just want to pass on through # # like a ghost through a household tune # # under light of the early dusk hues # # navigating and dealing extremes # # is not what at first it seems #
# and I keep my ship tight and true # # for the next time that I'll see you # # and it falls, falls, falls # # and it falls, falls, falls # # it rises up, rises up #
# and it falls, falls, falls #
[#]
Subtitles by LeapinLar

Previously on MAKE IT OR BREAK IT
I've had three cortisone shots this year.
My mom won't let me have another one.
Look, I could score it for you.
Goodbye, Marty.
- Kaylie. 
- You and Marty?
You lost your virginity? 
With who?
Just some guy I met. 
I didn't know him.
I know you want to break me and Kaylie up,
But it's not going to happen.
I'm trying to help you do the right thing, Carter.
Do you mind if I borrow your cell phone for a sec...
Yeah. 
Sure, it's on my dresser.
- What is this? 
- Mr. Cruz...
You stay the hell out of this.
All she wants is to please you.
- Hey, listen. 
- Don't push me.
You get the hell out of my house.
Carter, I love you.
You're a liar. 
I will never be with you.
Who did you borrow a few thousand dollars from?
- Joe. 
- We moved from Fresno
- To get away from Joe. 
- He's not coming back.
He just wired us the money.
Joe. 
Where are you?
What time is it?
Six.
Thank God.
I was having a dream that we overslept And Sasha kicked you out of the gym again.
Sasha's the least of our worries.
I just remembered another part of my dream.
Oh, sorry...
How did you sleep?
Not so good with you trying to spoon me all night.
You used to want to sleep with me all the time.
When I was six.
I seem to recall that you slept with me
Until you were at least ten.
Oh, no. 
You were with Joe when I was ten.
And then he left when I was 11.
Then you took him back when I was 12
And then he left again.
And then you took him back again.
We had to leave the city to get away from him.
And now He's in the living room sleeping in my bed.
He's just passing through on his way to Dallas, honey.
Good morning.
We've got eggs and bacon and pancakes.
The cupboards were a little spare
So I went out and did some grocery shopping this morning.
And for our world class gymnast,
I've got an egg white omelet
With spinach, tomato and fresh fruit.
Traitor.
Hey, I was hungry.
Half-caf, with just a touch of cinnamon,
One sugar and just a drop of cream.
You remembered.
I haven't forgotten a thing.
Neither have we. 
What time are you leaving?
Dallas is pretty far away. 
You should get on the road.
Emily, don't be rude.
No... 
It's OK. 
She's under a lot of pressure.
She's going to Nationals.
I always knew you were a superstar.
Is that why you never came to any of my meets?
- Emily. 
- Well, it's true.
Know what? 
You all can play nice but I'm out of here.
Oh, thanks for the loan, Joe.
We'll pay you back every cent.
I don't want to owe you a thing.
I thought for sure after last night
Your dad would have you in a chastity belt.
Practically.
He took away my phone, my computer
And made my mom drive me to practice.
He just wants you to focus for Nationals.
How can I focus when I can't even talk to Carter?
So you haven't spoken to him since last night at the party?
- No. 
- Know what you guys?
Nationals are three days away. 
I don't have time for drama.
Is that your stump speech for Team Captain?
Because it's just so full of support, Payson. 
Thank you.
I'm supposed to support your gymnastics.
Not your running around breaking the rules.
That's easy for you to say seeing as though you've never
Broken a rule in your life.
By the way...
How's the back?
My back's awesome. 
Thanks for asking.
So, how did your night turn out?
It sucked.
They won't let her talk to Carter.
But, at least I can still see him.
If he'd get here already.
Excuse me. 
Hey.
So, how's Kaylie this morning?
Miserable.
And angry.
And, of course, she hates us.
Of course.
Yeah, but she's 16, and her heart is breaking.
I don't understand
Why the girls aren't allowed to have boyfriends anyway?
Well, I think the idea is to prevent this kind of drama.
But between you and me,
I don't know if this no dating rule hurts or helps.
You're lucky Payson's so focused.
That has issues of its own.
Not the kind
That comes with your husband getting punched
By a teenage boy in your living room.
Thank you for not telling Sasha what happened last night.
What he doesn't know...
What do you think he'd do if he did?
I don't know.
It has come to my attention
That you have had an inappropriate relationship
With one of my gymnasts.
My source didn't reveal the name of the girl,
So I'm going to ask you.
Who is she?
I've recently been informed
That the no dating rule has been broken
By two of your teammates.
My source refused to name the girl involved.
But just in case you were wondering
How seriously I take these rules...
The boy involved, Carter Anderson,
Is now suspended from The Rock
And he won't be going to Nationals.
That's all.
What? 
This is so unfair.
He can't suspended Carter three days before Nationals.
At least Carter didn't out you too.
- Maybe it's better this way. 
- How is it better?
I'm not letting him take all the blame. 
No way.
Ladies? 
Can you gather round?
Don't be a martyr. 
He can sit out this year.
- He's only 18. 
- She's right.
Men don't even peak until their 20s.
He's got the next two quadrenniums
To make it to the Olympics.
We've only got 0-12.
This is the team rankings by apparatus for Nationals.
You still need to choose your team captain.
We're knocking off early tomorrow
Because I want you to get home,
Get packed and get to bed early.
Ten hours every night minimum before competition.
- Is that clear? 
- Yes, sir.
Kaylie?
Is there something you want to say?
No.
Sir.
All right then.
What?
Nothing.
You obviously have something to say so...
Was it really necessary to kick Carter out of the gym?
The girls need to be protected.
With all due respect,
They are young women.
You are always telling me
That I have to come to terms with the fact that
My daughter is not a normal teenager.
And that she has a career...
Well, how can we give them responsibility
For something as huge
As a professional athletic career,
And not give them responsibility for basic
Decisions about their life?
Excuse me, Coach Belov.
Why is Lauren ranked first on beam?
Because with her added degree of difficulty,
She's as good as you now.
But not better.
You said I was going first for everything.
Payson, the goal at Nationals
Isn't just to win individual medals.
It's for as many of your teammates
As possible to make the National Team.
If the top ranking on beam helps Lauren get there,
You need to be supportive.
I'm incredibly supportive.
When you feel secure at the top.
It's easy to be gracious
When you think no one can touch you.
You know, I assumed
You were gonna be Team Captain this year.
But maybe you're not up to the job?
What now?
I thought your title was coach, not God.
Guess what?
Sasha just ranked Lauren first on the beam.
Isn't that great?
Did my daughter just smile and wave to you?
Did the seas part while I was gone?
It wasn't quite that miraculous.
But I think Lauren's finally got that I'm on her side.
What did you do to convince her?
I told her That I wasn't going to marry you.
You were, bluffing, right?
No.
I can't marry you Steve if it just
Reinforces Lauren's fear of abandonment.
I'm not going to abandon Lauren.
I'm not talking about you.
I'm talking about her mother.
She needs some closure.
Well, that's impossible.
Her mother's a drug addict and I have no idea where she is.
I do.
I did an internet search for Leslie Tanner...
It only took me about 20 minutes to find her.
So I'm guessing you never really looked.
Honey, I have my reasons
For wanting her to stay away from Lauren,
And frankly, it's none of your business.
Maybe you're right, but it is Lauren's.
And I think she has the right to know where her mother is.
You know where my mother is?
I was listening to that.
Yeah, so were the Smitts
Halfway down the street.
OK, you're angry.
- We get it. 
- No, Mom, you don't get it.
And that's the problem.
I spoke with Carter today.
What? 
When?
He was waiting for me outside the gym.
He wants to see you.
What did you say?
That I would help you.
Thank you, mom.
Thank you.
Listen, I'm doing this because I do understand.
But after you see Carter
You need to focus on Nationals.
- OK? 
- OK. 
When can I see him?
Tomorrow. 
You can slip out of the gym on my watch.
But only for a few minutes.
If your father finds out he's gonna kill us both.
- OK? 
- OK.
Finish packing and get a good night's sleep.
OK.
Hey, Mom?
Are you ever going to tell Dad about Marty?
I, um...
I don't know.
Maybe it's better if he never knows.
I'll see you in the morning.
There she is.
So, I'm taking it she didn't exactly
Warm to the idea of me staying another night?
Yeah, I'm gonna talk to her.
At least you don't hate me.
That's because I don't expect anything from you.
So when you leave you never disappoint me.
But he's buying Brian a ticket to Nationals.
Oh, so if he buys his way back in, then it's OK?
Honey, don't you want your brother to go?
More than anything in the world.
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have Brian at Nationals,
Except watch Joe suck you back in again
So I have to pick you up off of the floor
After he breaks your heart.
That's not going to happen, honey.
He hasn't changed.
But I have.
Whether you want to see that or not,
I think I deserve a little more credit.
Your credit rating sucks.
I have to go to sleep.
We leave for Nationals the day after tomorrow.
He's gonna leave tomorrow, sweetie.
I promise.
Please don't spoon me tonight.
Come in.
How are you doing?
Fine.
Look...
I've known where your mom was for a while.
But I was afraid That if we let her back into our lives she'd just Disappoint you again like she did so many times
When you were a little girl.
- I'm not a little girl anymore. 
- Yeah, well...
Even when you're 40 you'll still be my little girl.
I'll be old is what I'll be.
Hey, 40 is not old.
Anyway...
Summer seems to think that you're old enough to decide
If you want to give your mom another chance.
So...
That's your mother's phone number.
I'll never abandon you, Lauren.
Even if I do marry Summer you'll always
Come first in my heart.
I hope you know that.
Mom?
It's me, Lauren.
You want to talk about it?
No.
Guess what? 
My mom's coming to Nationals.
I thought your mom was doing relief work in Darfur?
She's back and she's flying into Denver this afternoon.
I'm picking her up from the bus station.
- That's great Lauren. 
- I know.
She hasn't seen me compete since I was eight years old.
- She's going to be really proud of you. 
- I know.
Especially now that I'm ranked number one on beam.
I should get back to work.
You know, it's weird we've been friends all these years
And I've never met your mother.
Well, you will now.
You sure you don't want to talk about it?
Positive.
Nice. 
How'd that feel?
Why did you let Sasha kick you out of The Rock?
I didn't have a choice.
You could have told him about me.
So we could both get suspended?
He's not going to suspend one of his
Top four gymnasts before Nationals.
Yeah, well, you don't know that.
Yeah, well, if you're not going to
Nationals neither am I.
What about your gymnastics?
I don't care about gymnastics.
Baby.
I just want to be with you.
You're the only person in the world I can believe in.
Just hold me and never let me go.
Listen to me.
Let's run away. 
Right now.
- I can't let you do this. 
- I want to do this.
Look. 
You can believe in me. 
You can.
But I made a mistake.
- I don't care. 
- Listen to me.
It was after we fought at the kegger.
We said we were gonna play it cool.
Which Doesn't make it OK.
What did you do?
I had sex with someone else.
I'm so sorry.
Don't!
What are you doing home?
Sasha let us go early. 
Why aren't you at work?
I, I was,
But I didn't have any clients this afternoon...
Where's Joe?
Joe?
Oh, my God.
Is he in there?
Did you sleep with him?
Emily, I didn't know that you were coming home.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry you got caught.
Don't talk to her like that.
Stay out of this!
You're not my father and you're not her husband.
You have no authority here.
Listen, Emily. 
I love your mother.
That is the biggest joke I've ever heard.
If you love my mother
Then how come you left her so many times?
It's complicated.
It's simple.
You are a loser.
And she's too weak to kick you out on your ass.
- Emily...
- No.
You can screw up your life all you want,
But you're done screwing up mine.
- Emily? 
- Just let her go.
She'll cool off.
She's wrong.
I know.
No, not about you.
About me.
I've changed.
So have I.
Chloe.
When you called the other day
To ask me to help you,
It didn't scare me or freak me out.
It made me happy.
I want to take care of you.
And for the first time in my life I know that I can.
I want to believe you.
Don't you love me, Chloe?
I do, but I love them more.
Please, just go to Dallas
And let me be the mother they need me to be.
The mother that I need to be.
Please?
- Hey, Mrs. Keeler. 
- Don't you look cute.
- Thanks. 
- Come on in.
- Is Payson here? 
- They're in the kitchen.
Hey, I thought you went
To the bus station to pick up your mom?
She couldn't make it.
She got sent back to Darfur.
- Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. 
- It's cool.
Her work's important.
So, what are you doing here?
Emily's spending the night.
Uh, Lauren, have you heard from Kaylie?
No, why?
She snuck out of the gym to go see Carter
And I guess they had a fight
Cause now no one can find her.
So do we know what they fought about?
- Nope. 
And I don't care. 
- Payson.
It's selfish of her to freak everybody out
The night before we leave for Nationals.
Over some stupid fight she had with a boyfriend
She's not allowed to have.
The point is,
She is missing and everyone is worried.
If you guys have any idea where she might be,
It's up to you as her friends
And her teammates to make sure
She's on that bus tomorrow.
I have to pick up Becca.
Lauren you're welcome to join us all
For dinner tonight.
- Thanks, Mrs. Keeler. 
- Sure, honey.
- Bye girls. 
- Bye.
Kaylie ran away.
- What? 
- Listen to this.
Hey, Lo...
It's me. 
I'm, um...
It doesn't matter where I am.
Look, I don't know what I'm doing, but
I'm not going to Nationals.
And they're off!
Tell everyone not to worry about me.
Has she lost her mind?
It sounded like she was calling from a payphone.
Her dad took away her cell.
What was that noise in the background?
Let me listen to it again.
If you were Kaylie and you were upset,
Where would you go?
Other than Carter's truck?
And they're off!
It sounds like she's at the horse races.
I doubt she'd be at a track.
Is there anywhere that makes her feel happy or safe?
She loves the mall.
And they're off!
- Gymnastics camp. 
- What?
Remember that general store in Winter town?
We'd go and stash up on magazines and candy
Before we went to camp?
That guy would always be listening to the races on TV.
She went to camp. 
Let's go get her.
Get out of here. 
It's three hours away.
And Sasha said we need to get ten hours of sleep.
So you're going to let her
Not go to Nationals because of
Some fight she had with Carter?
Exactly.
She's being ridiculous.
And if she wants to ruin her career let her.
Fine. 
Get your beauty sleep.
Are you in?
We can't let Kaylie miss Nationals.
There's her car.
See? 
Aren't you glad you came?
Yeah, three hours in the back of a car
Is great for my back.
I thought you said your back was fine?
Let's just get Kaylie and go home.
We might still be able to make eight hours of sleep.
Hi, Mrs. Cruz? 
It's Lauren.
We found Kaylie at gymnastics camp.
- OK, I will. 
- OK, so...
We found her car but where is she?
I know where.
- You want to talk about it? 
- No.
We just drove three hours to come get you,
You'd better talk about it.
Hey, give her a break.
Carter told me he had sex with someone else.
Did he say who?
I didn't ask, but...
He said it was after we fought at the kegger so...
I'm guessing it was with some slut at the party.
Was everyone having sex at that kegger?
You saw Carter at the party after we left.
Was he with someone?
Oh, my God.
It was you.
The guy at the party you lost your virginity to?
It was Carter?
I'm sorry.
I was drinking and it was my birthday and I was upset...
So you slept with my boyfriend?
You kept telling everyone he wasn't your boyfriend.
You knew he was.
I can't believe you. 
How can you act like
You're my best friend?
- I am your best friend. 
- No!
You are a two-faced slut.
I can't even look at you.
Hey, wait! 
Wait!
- Where do you think are you going? 
- Anywhere but here.
No. 
No more running away.
- Give me my keys. 
- I'm not chasing you any more.
We leave for Nationals in the morning
We all need to get home and get some sleep.
You think I'm gonna go to Nationals with her?
Fine.
If you want to blow your career over some boy,
- Go ahead. 
- OK. 
Wait!
Like it or not, we are in this together.
And you are not gonna screw me out of
The only team I've ever been a part of.
We're all screwed if we don't go home.
So just give Kaylie her keys and let's go.
I want my keys, Emily.
You want your keys?
What the hell is wrong with you?
- We still have Lauren's car. 
- Come on.
No. 
If we're not leaving here
As a team we're not leaving here at all.
Are you both crazy?
You just stranded us in the middle of nowhere.
You guys have been training together for ten years.
Are you really gonna just throw this all away?
When we've come so close?
She threw it all away when she slept with my boyfriend.
Payson, do have your phone?
I left it at home.
Lauren?
No. 
My battery's dead.
Great. 
What are we going to do?
Look for our keys.
We can stay here all night,
But if you think I'm ever gonna forgive you You really are crazy.
Thanks.
I'm not on your side.
You betrayed your best friend.
I've fought too hard to get to this place,
And I'm not walking into Nationals
Without the three best gymnasts at The Rock.
Oh, hey! 
Come on in.
OK, we're all here.
- Has Lauren called again? 
- No.
Her phone's going straight to voice mail,
But last time she called she did say
That her battery was about to die.
When I told them to go
Find Kaylie if they knew where she was,
I had no idea she was three hours away.
Don't worry. 
They'll be home soon.
This is all my fault.
I never should have let Kaylie
Sneak out of the gym to go see Carter.
You knew what she was doing?
I set it up.
I thought it would help her focus
If she could say goodbye to him before Nationals.
I didn't know they'd get in a fight and she'd run away.
I think it was wrong of Sasha
To kick Carter out of the gym in the first place.
Wait. 
Sasha kicked him out?
Suspended. 
But now he can't go to Nationals.
I wonder who would tell Sasha
That Carter was dating one of the girls?
I did.
I didn't say who.
Do you really think that's any of your business, Summer?
Kaylie's my daughter.
Your daughter wasn't the only one
Carter's been involved with.
I think it's going to be a long night.
I'm starving.
I think I have an energy bar. 
We can all split it.
We could all be eating dinner if you hadn't
Thrown our keys and stranded us here.
We wouldn't even be out here
In the first place if you hadn't run away from home.
No one asked you to come find me.
Believe me, I wish I hadn't.
I don't want anything that came from her skanky bag.
My bag's a whore.
Fine, I'll eat yours.
- Thanks for sharing, Payson. 
- What?
Am I supposed to split her forth into threes?
You could at least have given it to someone else.
I mean, if you're supposed to be Team Captain
You might want to think of somebody besides yourself.
Like you thought about your best friend
Before you slept with Carter?
We weren't best friends at the time.
And if you would've been honest about seeing Carter
This never would have happened.
Is that how you're going to justify what you did?
- By blaming me? 
- Of course not.
Because Kaylie Cruz can lie
And break the rules and stab
Her best friend in the back and it's all OK.
What are you talking about?
You knew I had a crush on Carter since I was 13 years old.
He kissed me right here at camp.
But you weren't thinking about
My feelings when you went after him, huh?
- I thought you were over it. 
- Did you?
Or is that the reason you kept it a secret to start with?
Because you knew how much I liked him?
OK, let's not forget it's her fault that we lost Marty.
It was Marty's choice to go to Denver.
No it wasn't. 
He only went because
Your father was blackmailing him.
- That's ridiculous. 
- No, it isn't.
I never believed Marty would walk out on us.
Kaylie, what do you know?
Why would my dad blackmail Marty?
Because Marty was sleeping with my mom.
I'm sorry I even said anything to Sasha.
I didn't know it would have a snowball effect.
Well if Alex finds out that Carter's cheating on Kaylie
He will go ballistic.
- What? 
- What?
Nothing.
- What? 
- Well, nothing.
It's just that there's a lot that Alex is in the dark about.
Enough, already.
It's been a rough week and a long day and I'm over it.
OK? 
What is it you think you know?
What do you mean?
You're always making little comments. 
OK?
If you have something to say just say it.
Well, it's not something you want the world to know, is it?
What? 
That I had an affair with Marty?
There.
Now I don't have to suffer your little innuendos anymore.
You do know what "innuendo" means, don't you?
Now if only I didn't have to suffer your
Constant insults we'd be even.
Thanks, Chloe.
You had an affair with Marty?
Is that why he went to Denver?
I'm a terrible person.
I admit it.
And the worst part about it is that Kaylie knows.
I'm not proud of it.
We've all done things we're not proud of...
At least I have.
No. 
We all have.
We're not judging you.
Well, maybe you should.
Cause I'm judging myself.
You also need to forgive yourself.
But I've hurt my husband, and I've hurt my children.
How do you ever forgive yourself for that?
You can do what I do.
Ask God to help you.
That's really messed up, Kaylie.
You have no idea.
I'm ashamed of my own mom.
If it's any consolation My mom's a drug addict.
I thought your mother was a relief worker?
That's just what we started telling people
To explain why she was always out of town.
The truth is, she was in and out of half a dozen rehabs.
Just kind of became our dirty little family secret.
One day she just dropped out, hit rock bottom.
She never came home.
Didn't you just speak with your mom?
I did.
She said she's been two years sober,
How sorry she was, and How she couldn't wait to come and see me at Nationals.
When I went to the bus station, she wasn't there.
You're lucky, Pay.
Your mom...
She's such a mom.
I feel like you could tell her anything and she'd understand.
I can't tell her I bought cortisone illegally.
What?
My parents don't want me to take anymore, but...
I don't think I can make it through Nationals without it.
Where did you get it?
It's from a doctor.
- Indirectly. 
- You need to rest your back, Pay.
I will after Nationals, but If I don't make the National Team this year
I can kiss 0-12 goodbye.
I can't just give up my dream of going to the Olympics.
It's...
It's everything I've ever wanted.
It's my entire life. 
It's everything I am.
I know what she means.
When Sasha told me I couldn't go to Nationals,
I thought I would just Crumble into nothing.
Yesterday he told me I wasn't being gracious.
That I'm not acting like a team captain.
He's right.
I'm freaked out because I'm scared.
You?
Scared?
Terrified.
I mean, you guys all know
How much we need each other to go out there
And do what we do.
But...
You're all wrapped up in boys and drama and...
I don't feel like I have you guys anymore.
I'm sorry, Pay. 
I'm just going through a lot right now.
Me too.
We've all been going through a lot.
But Payson's right. 
I mean,
Are you gonna let some boy
Or family drama blow everything
You've worked for your whole lives?
What if we were a football team,
Would any guy ever do that?
It's just...
We aren't like normal girls, you guys.
We can't just stop talking to each other
And change lockers or cliques every other week.
We are so much more than just friends.
We're a team.
And I'm really sorry I've been such a bitch lately, but...
I really need you guys.
You can count on me.
Thanks, Emily.
And me.
And me.
Hey, do you guys remember when we carved our initials
Into one of these tree stumps?
Has to be around here somewhere, right?
Oh! 
Here it is.
Can you still see our names?
Oh, totally.
And O-12.
Remember when you made us pledge...
To the almighty Goddess of Gymnastics...
That we would all go to the 0-12 Olympics together.
As the mighty triad.
Anyone have a knife or something sharp?
I thought we were good?
I think Emily needs to carve her name into our stump.
I think that's a good idea.
The mighty quadruplets.
Well...
We could always use These.
- Are those my keys? 
- Come on.
I'm not stupid. 
I threw my house keys into the woods.
Oh, and actually, I just remembered.
I have a hide-a-key under the bumper.
- OK. 
You better start carving. 
- Before we kill both of you.
Look, I'll be your teammate.
But I will never be your friend again.
Where are they? 
They called from Winter town
Five hours ago.
Yes, but they said they were gonna stop and eat.
Don't you think it's a bit of a coincidence they both
Lost their keys in the woods?
And they both found their keys in the woods?
What do you think Sasha would say if he knew?
- Knew what? 
- Just How excited the girls are to be going to Nationals.
Speaking of the girls, where are they?
Ah, there they are.
Well, you look ready for Nationals.
We are.
And regarding Team Captain?
I would like to nominate Emily Kmetko.
You want the newest girl on the team to be Captain?
- That's the point. 
- I second that.
Here, here.
Uh, OK. 
Great.
Now, can we please get this show on the road?
Can you believe my Emily's going to be Team Captain?
Get over here!

Saya sama!
Kato. 
Tell me about my father.
He was a warrior.
The bravest hunter there was.
How did he tell demons apart from humans?
He stared straight into their eyes and he could see they had no souls.
Demons can assume human flesh but they can't conjure up human soul.
Heaven put demons into the world to test our virtues.
If Heaven intended for demons to live among us why do we kill them?
In life we all have duties.
To fulfill our duties is serving Heaven's will.
The rest is not for us to question.
Saya!
Your father was slain by Onigen the oldest, vilest demon of them all.
It's your destiny to avenge him to continue his mission.
Are you determined, my girl?
Yes, Kato.
I'm sorry, sir, ma'am.
The Onsen opens 24 hours.
Feel free to enjoy anytime.
Anything else you need?
I see you have no luggage.
- I'm a demon?
- No!
You have a human soul!
What is it? 
She's near?
Saya! 
Saya sama!
What's happened?
Come, my girl. 
We have to go.
Take your father's sword!
I don't understand.
This sword has gathered dark powers from all the demons it has slain.
It's a blessing and a curse.
One you're not yet ready for.
But we have no time.
Demons have found us.
Kato...
Don't come out till I tell you to!
Don't follow me!
We go together!
No!
Kato.
It's time to be on your own, my girl.
What are you going to do?
My duty.
No, Kato!
Stay out of sight until you're truly ready to face the demons.
Now go and don't look back.

Asakusa, last stop, Asakusa.
We don't have much time. 
Go to work. 
Saya?
Something wrong?
Every bloodsucker you kill brings us one step closer.
- I'm not here for those bottom feeders.
- It's only a matter oftime and patience.
Jesus Christ!
- Hey! 
Something's not right.
- What?
That ain't no bloodsucker in there.
He's human.
It didn't have time to transform, that's all.
You're gonna take her word for it?
What if she just screwed up?
Saya, that's enough.
Get some rest. 
I'll be at the hotel tomorrow.
- The little bitch is out of control.
- We need her.
Saya is all we've got.
Michael, we're done here.
Michael?
Let's go.
Saya sama!
Kato. 
Tell me about my father.
He was a warrior.
The bravest hunter there was.
How did he tell demons apart from humans?
He stared straight into their eyes, and he could see they had no souls.
Demons can assume human flesh, but they can't conjure up human soul.
Heaven put demons into the world to test our virtues.
If Heaven intended for demons to live among us, why do we kill them?
In life we all have duties.
To fulfill our duties is serving Heaven's will.
The rest is not for us to question.
Saya!
Your fatherwas slain by Onigen,
the oldest, vilest demon of them all.
It's your destiny to avenge him,
to continue his mission.
Are you determined, my girl?
Yes, Kato.
Three deaths on the American air base within a week.
Our cleaners got there in time.
No one saw the bodies.
- The underlings are feeding.
- Well, you know the old saying,
"When the hungry demons feed without discretion...
"... 
Onigen is near. "
You're about to get your wish.
To face the leader of the pack.
- The plan?
- The Council wants you on the base
- to find more leads.
- I don't investigate. 
I kill.
Be my guest.
Kill the bottom feeders and lure out Onigen.
- But this time, let the blood mutate.
- I was never wrong.
Doesn't hurt to be cautious, that's all.
And don't blow your cover unless absolutely necessary.
The Elder pulled a lot of strings to arrange this.
Cover?
- What's that?
- It's a new outfit.
You know, Dad, you don't have to drive me to school every day. 
I can walk.
Don't be silly. 
It's my only chance to spend some time with you.
- Everyone else walks.
- You're not everyone, sweetie.
- I'm not a kid, either.
- Is that why you did it?
- To prove that you're all grown up?
- Did what?
I was hoping you'd come clean.
That's what grown-ups do, you know.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Well, I...
I guess it must've been Frank.
What do you say, Frank?
- Sir?
- Was it you who took my car out
- for a spin last night?
- No, sir.
Did you sneak off the base and boogie at the Hippy Shake until 4:00?
- No, sir.
- I cannot believe this. 
You're spying on me?
I don't have to, Alice. 
You're my daughter.
People know you and people talk.
Okay, yeah, I'm sorry.
I should have told you. 
Just...
You're always busy, day and night, working on your second star.
You've gotta understand, we're at war.
We're all at risk, even here.
- This is your war, not mine.
- That's enough, Alice.
- Hey! 
Watch where you're going, damn it!
- Yes, sir!
- Momma, Momma, can't you see?
- Momma, Momma, can't you see?
Alice! 
Alice, would you come back here?
The Air Foroe made a man of me
Alice!
I'm so happy, I'm so proud
So, class, let's give our new classmate a warm welcome.
There we go. 
Saya, would you care to take that desk over there?
Good! 
Now, I know you've all been doing your homework, and you've prepared today's readings, which will be from Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.
- Okey-dokey, we're gonna start on page 135.
- Hey.
- She must be lost? 
Thinks it's a navy base.
- I can't believe they let a Jap enroll here.
Next thing you know, they think they own the place.
"Like Adam, I was... "
Yes, sir. 
Our story stands.
They think it's a CIA plan.
Frankenstein's monster compares himself with both Adam and Lucifer.
Can you tell me why, Liz?
Because both Adam and Lucifer were created by God?
Yes, but these are opposite ends of good and evil.
To which end does the monster belong?
To whom does he reach out in his anger?
Saya, would you care to join our discussion?
Me no English.
Yes, Alice?
Anger is what makes the monster human.
It's neither good or evil.
He was abandoned by his creator just like Lucifer.
So God and Victor Frankenstein both deserted their creations not because they were imperfect, but because they reminded them of their own imperfections.
That's very interesting.
So, do you think that God
- is an irresponsible father figure?
- She must be thinking about her dad.
- What did you say?
- Piss off the princess and next thing you know, her dad will court-martial you.
It's not my fault.
Please, don't send me to the chair.
- Yes, now can we...
- Grow up!
...settle down, please.
Come on, let's be nice.
George, could you read the next paragraph?
"Accursed creator!
Why did you form a monster so hideous
"that even you turned from me in disgust?
God, in pity, made man... "
Concentrate, Alice.
Let the mind lead the body.
Good!
That's it for today.
What's our motto, Team Lupin?
- Be a wolf or be gone!
- That's the spirit!
I need your help with this.
- For the team, understand?
- I think so.
- Alice!
- Sir?
You're dragging down the whole team.
- I want you to stay and practice.
- But I have to...
Don't think you're gonna get special treatment
- just 'cause you're the General's daughter.
- I didn't say that.
- I'll sparwith Alice.
- And I will be the ref.
- No, I'll practice on my own.
- Gotta think of the team.
Think of the tournament next week.
- Make a wolf of Alice for me, girls.
- Yes, Mr. Powell.
Bring it on.
- What are you doing?
- We tried very, very hard to ignore you.
But you just keep getting on our nerves!
Are you insane?
Go.
Secure that vehicle!
- Who are they?
- We don't know yet, sir.
Step out!
Unlock the doors and step out right now.
- Hey, pal. 
What do you think you're doing?
- Stop right there, fellow.
Easy, big guy. 
Do we look like Vietcong?
You keep your hands where I can see them, wiseass!
- Is that necessary?
- General.
Michael Harrison, Director of Operations, CIA.
- Those men work for us.
- What are you spooks doing on my base?
- That's classified.
- Langley sent us to assist
- with the war effort.
- In what capacity?
Last time I checked, D.O. doesn't come under your jurisdiction.
- Am I talking to you?
- General, my superior will call you shortly.
Now I suggestwe all calm down and handle this like the professionals we are.
- Shall we?
- You keep an eye on them, Frank.
Yes, sir.
They were here. 
I saw them.
Sharon... 
Linda's head was...
It's okay, sweetie, you're safe now.
That's all that matters.
I saw them!
The Japanese girl, Frank.
Why was she in our school?
- Washington arranged her enrollment, sir.
- Washington?
Well, registrar says her name is Saya.
She's the daughter of Motoki Shishikura, a soon-to-be-appointed ambassador to D.C.
Well, you confirm that with our local liaison.
You get a warrant issued and find her.
They cleaned it all up!
Dad, look, it's still wet.
We gotta find out what these guys are doing, Frank.
That could be a problem, sir. 
We don't have the authority to detain Agency personnel.
I'll deal with that.
I respectfully disagree, sir.
Then I will have to file an official complaintwith the Pentagon.
I understand, sir.
Dad, whoever they are, they've covered up two murders. 
You can't let them go.
- Cut them loose, Frank. 
Alice.
- Yes, sir. 
Stand down!
You son of a bitch.
What's wrong with you, taunting Mckee like that?
In case you didn't notice, they pulled their guns on me.
We've gotta clean up this mess or the Council will have our heads.
What's the Elder thinking, anyway, sending Saya into a high school?
- She's older than all of us combined!
- Yeah.
Christ.
The Elder wants to see us.
Something was wrong with them!
Linda's blood...
Sweetie, you're still in shock.
It's understandable. 
You go get some sleep.
You have to believe me.
Mr. Powell knows something!
How can he know anything if he wasn't even there?
- Nowwould you just go get some sleep!
- Dad, you're wrong.
Alice, that's enough! 
Look, would you just leave it to the grown-ups?
We'll talk in the morning.
Yes? 
Frank, what do you have?
Yeah, just as I said.
If there were to be a new ambassador, I would have been briefed.
Guys with sunglasses and funny hats wave their cheap badges around and I'm supposed to believe they're sent by Langley?
Do what ever you have to.
Find out who they are and what the hell they're doing on my base!
Sir.
Sit.
- Everything according to plan?
- Yes, sir.
Rumor has it Mckee was calling Langley and Washington.
Very curious about both ofyou.
Was that part of your plan?
We had a run-in with him, yes.
Having American friends in high places doesn't mean I'm Uncle Sam.
A little discretion would be nice.
The Council has to remain anonymous.
Our American connections cannot risk exposure.
Don't get too cozy playing CIA.
I'll take care of it. 
Leave it to me.
You have my word, sir.
- Hungry?
- Starving.
Here's something to curb your appetite.
A plane crashed in the Okutama Mountains this morning.
Those are the crew members onboard, what's left of them, anyway.
This is Onigen's work.
Those photos were taken before we cleaned up the scene.
No one else knows.
- She's here? 
She took the bait.
- Yes.
Now, Onigen's here, blood will be shed.
I'm sorry, sir, ma'am.
The Onsen opens 24 hours.
Feel free to enjoy anytime.
Anything else you need?
I see you have no luggage.
Observant and caring.
Yourwife is a lucky lady.
Yes. 
If only she thinks so.
She and my daughters are preparing dinner.
It will be ready soon in the dining hall.
I can't believe that!
I'm sorry.
Come out and play, my children.
The feeding season has begun.
Mr. Powell, how are you?
- How's life?
- Six pence half a shilling.
- You can do the conversion to yen.
- The usual?
On the rocks.
Hi, dear Alice, welcome!
So, what's your poison tonight?
Leave us, Hide.
You lied.
You knew Linda and Sharon were gonna hurt me and you lied to my dad.
Why me? 
What did I do?
What... 
What do you want from me?
It's all about you, you, you, isn't it?
What if you're wrong? 
Delusional?
- You ever thought about that?
- I know what I saw.
What you see has got nothing to do with what's real.
You look around, you see an air base run by Daddy, flying his B-52s to wipe out gook farmers in rice paddies, fighting his righteous war.
But you don't see the real war, the one that's been going on since the beginning oftime between your kind and mine.
And the end is upon you, brought on by your self-deceiving Godliness and your pretentious moral high ground.
We will come out the victors.
Welcome to the other side of the looking glass.
Now it's time to die.
Hey! 
Hey, stop! 
Stop! 
Hey, please!
No, no!
Let her go!
No!
Get down.
He's getting away.
He's wounded. 
Get closer!
Faster!
Get closer!
Closer!
- I'm a demon?
- No!
You have a human soul!
What is it? 
She's near?
Mr. Powell, Sharon and Linda,
- all of them...
- They never existed.
What exactly were they?
Bloodsuckers.
They take on human form.
It's the way they live.
So I guess you're not really a student, are you?
- Are there more ofthose things out there?
- More than you can imagine.
- Anything I can do?
- It's not yourwar. 
Go home.
- And forget everything.
- And leave you fighting them alone?
I can take care of myself.
My dad is the general at the base.
I could tell him, and...
- Don't tell anyone!
- Why?
You want to live?
You want your father to live?
Then don't!
All right. 
He wouldn't believe me, anyway.
Saya.
Be really careful, okay?
- Did they see you?
- No, sir.
- Are these weapons?
- No, I don't think so.
There were a total of four cases.
All seemed like standard issues, as far as I can tell, sir.
From the Agency?
Well, that's ifthese guys are actually from the Agency at all.
Call up the tech guys.
What in God's name are these things?
Slugs, snails and puppy dog's tails.
Easy.
I'm here to talk, that's all.
- How dare you enter my home uninvited?
- My apologies.
Old habits die hard.
I've been with the Agency one day too long I guess.
What do you want?
Did you authorize the burglary, General?
You're not taking it back. 
It's evidence.
- Ofwhat?
- That's for Central Command to decide.
Wait! 
General.
I knowwe started off on the wrong foot.
It's my fault.
Butwe're on the same side, I assure you.
The side that murdered two high school girls? 
I don't think so.
I have come here to give you Saya, General.
She's notwith the Agency.
I can't be held responsible.
She's out of control.
Where is she? 
Get this down, Frank.
Hotel Yuzuya. 
Togoshi-ginza Street.
Ni-Cho, five seven...
Hang on. 
Tell me the street again?
Togoshi-ginza.
I know it. 
It's in the Shinagawa ward.
About 30 minutes from here...
You left me no choice, General.
I couldn't leave the case with you.
Who are you people?
Saviors of the human race.
The Council has been around since before your granddaddy's granddaddy stole his land from the Indians.
We walk a higher path, General.
Run, Alice, run!
Dad! 
Dad! 
Dad!
Dad. 
Dad?
Alice, get offthe base!
- Alice, you're not safe here.
- I don't knowwhat to do.
Alice, leave, leave.
I love you, sweetie.
Dad. 
Dad! 
Dad!
Fucking A!
They were taken at the Onsen Hotel.
Onigen.
She's looking foryou.
It's time we fought back.
Everything is being arranged.
But it's not gonna be easy.
I don't care!
The Council finds Onigen for me, that's the deal.
It's already taken too long.
You ever think about the future, after this?
There is more to life than Onigen.
Not for me.
Damn!
How did you find me?
They killed him.
You were right. 
She showed.
Copy that. 
I'm on my way. 
Take her out.
Take her out now! 
Do it now!
Do it! 
Now! 
Hurry up!
The people you work for, they killed my dad!
- I don'twork for them.
- You're lying!
Thank you.
I kill the bloodsuckers.
They provide me what I need to survive.
That's all.
Why my dad? 
Why?
I'll find out from...
Down!
- Give me the girl, Saya!
- No.
This has nothing to do with you.
Don't mess with me, halfling!
Luke?
- Michael.
- Put down the gun.
- Put it down.
- He killed Mckee.
Are you insane?
What the hell do you think you're doing?
My job! 
I've cleaned up the mess, haven't I?
You're making a bigger mess!
Notwhen I get that girl.
- No.
- Luke,
I'm not gonna tell you again.
You're not really gonna shoot me, Michael.
Try me.
Okay, you win.
But don't think I'm not gonna tell the Elder all about this.
Be my guest. 'Cause I'm not the one jeopardizing our mission.
- You're getting soft, old man.
- Maybe. 
But not stupid!
You all right?
Who's stupid now?
We have to go.
Wait.
You drive.
Radio Free Japan. 
Top ofthe hour.
The commanding officer of right Air Force base, General Howard R. Mckee, has died of a heart attack.
The General was discovered in critical condition at his home a few hours ago.
The doctors on the scene were unable to resuscitate him.
Authorities are asking your help in finding his daughter, Alice Mckee, who fled the base in an Air Force truck shortly after hearing the news.
A base psychiatrist describes the teen as unstable and cautions that her life may be at risk.
Saya?
Saya, are you okay? 
Saya?
Wake up.
Saya, wake up.
Your blood.
Why did you save me?
I'm not your kind.
Itwas the right thing to do.
The right thing...
I used to know right from wrcng.
Life used to feel right.
Kato raised me in the mountain village, where I called home,
where I found the only friend in my life.
Happiness and love was within reach.
But then, the dark dream came.
In the dream, I killed him. 
Love was gone, replaced by blood.
Saya! 
Saya sama!
Then I woke up, and it was not a dream.
What's happened?
Come, my girl. 
We have to go.
Take your father's sword!
I don't understand.
This sword has gathered dark powers from all the demons it has slain.
It's a blessing and a curse.
One you're not yet ready for.
Butwe have no time.
Demons have found us.
Kato...
Don't come out till I tell you to!
Don't follow me!
We go together!
No!
Kato.
It's time to be on your own, my girl.
What are you going to do?
My duty.
No, Kato!
Stay out of sight until you're truly ready to face the demons.
Now go and don't look back.
You okay?
You're thinking about your father?
Just...
Just all the little things.
What about you?
You have family?
My mother,
I never knew her.
My father,
he died days after I was born.
How?
Onigen murdered him.
The oldest, most powerful demon.
My father's most loyal retainer,
Kato, saved me.
He took me into the mountains, cared for me, trained me to be strcng, to be like my father.
In the end, he died for me.
Kato!
Many a night, Kato told me about my father's murder, how demons deceived him in the most despicable way.
That day I finally understood.
I'm my father's daughter, but I'm also the evil that killed him.
Since that night, time stopped.
I live for one purpose and one purpose only,
to kill Onigen.
That's my duty.
Kato was right.
Demons can't conjure up human souls.
Promise me one thing, also.
Never doubt yourself.
You're human.
I promise.
So much pain. 
So much struggle. 
Silly girl.
She's close by. 
Bring her to me.
Alive?
Still holding a grudge?
The halfling owes me.
Don't be ridiculous.
Her power is far beyond what it used to be.
We will see about that!
Let me out.
What?
You go alone.
Too dangerous to stay with me.
No. 
It's ourwar now.
Come on!
Start!
- Are you okay?
- Yeah! 
Yeah, yeah.
Alice!
- Dad, don't go.
- It's me! 
It's me, Alice!
Please wake up!
Okay, let's go!
Saya!
Alice. 
Alice.
This isn't really happening.
Any of it.
You.
You're alive.
Saya!
He isn't real!
This isn't really happening. 
None of it!
No. 
He's alive.
No. 
No.
You finally found me.
And I found you.
Look at you, my girl.
Eaten alive by guilt over a single human, yet not a glimmer of regret for having slaughtered so many ofyour own kind.
I'm not your kind.
Denial. 
Stubbornness.
You are, after all, your father's child.
I see you've taken good care of his sword.
- Show me your true form, Onigen!
- What do you want to see?
The demon who murdered my father.
The demon who I'll kill.
You knew all along, didn't you, deep down in your heart?
I gave you your strength.
I gave you your power.
I gave you immortality, my daughter.
No!
Silly girl, you've suffered long enough.
Come to me.
I've waited a long time, Saya, foryou to gain your strength, to be ready.
You think the more demons you kill, the more human you become, don't you?
How naive.
The truth is, the more you kill, the more you unleash your power.
You've come to your true nature.
Don't you see?
You've been doing everything you could to become what you don'twant to be.
- To become me.
- Never!
It's your destiny, silly girl.
Leaves fall, forest grows on.
The future lies in you.
Let her go!
Alice! 
Alice!
Alice!
Don't you see now?
Which half ofyou gives you strength, which half makes you feeble?
Let it all go. 
Unleash yourself.
You gave birth to me, and you can kill me, but you're nothing to me!
You don't know what it means to be a mother!
Kill me, my daughter. 
Kill me.
And become me!
Saya?
Saya.
Are you okay?
What's the point? 
You don't believe me.
These monsters, you said one ofthem attacked the army truck you stole.
But, when we found you at the bottom ofthe ravine, you were alone.
They cleaned it up.
- They?
- The Council.
They killed my father.
Yes.
General Mckee, mortally wounded by the sidearm of Sergeant Frank Nielsen.
Sergeant Nielsen lost his son in the war three months ago.
His psych evaluations show instability.
And this girl you mentioned, Saya, I believe.
Her name, her identity were false.
In fact, we believe she's not even Japanese.
Where is she right now?
She's out there.
Searching.
Searching forwhat?
Searching for a way back
from the other side ofthe looking glass.

Oh I'm very sorry, I didn't notice
It's been 20 years since we've had people visit, but I hope you'll enjoy your stay.
I also noticed, you won't be needing any help with luggage?
Can you sense her?
Saya-sama.
What happened?
Please take your father's sword.
I don't understand
This sword... has the power to slay demons.
It is a blessing, and a curse.
You still have much to learn
However
We have no more time.
The demons have found us.
Wait here
And don't come out.
I told you not to follow.
But we need to stick together-
We mustn't.
There is no need, I must go alone.
You
Just what are you planning?
I must complete my mission.
You can't, Kato.
You cannot face the demons yet.
It is my task for now.
Now, go.
Why are you still standing there?

That was interesting.
Yeah, that raincoat kind of ruined it.
Oh, please. 
Nobody likes wearing them, but they're safe.
No, I meant the actual raincoat.
You want, uh... you want some coffee?
Yeah.
Beaumont.
No.
I know.
I... 
I will, today.
Yeah, I know I said that last week, but I'll get you your money.
Yes, by 4:00.
Hey.
Uh, w-Who was that?
It was Cole.
We caught a case.
Do you see my watch?
No.
Damn it.
All right, look. 
Here.
Here.
No, I can't take that.
That looks too expensive.
It's just a watch.
My grandfather gave it to me.
Just wear it until we find yours, okay?
Thanks.
No, you can't sell your arm.
What about my leg?
I have two.
Get out of my store.
Hey, buying or selling, honey?
I need $2,200.
I can do the $200.
No.
That's a real diamond.
No doubt, but I pay what I pay.
Now, if you want to throw in that watch...
No.
Not a chance.
Ooh, 1945 G.P., good condition.
I could go $1,900.
Ticktock, honey.
Whatever debts you got ain't gonna pay themselves.
Jesus!
If she moves, kill her.
But not really, right?
Yes, really.
Can I please see these earrings and this necklace?
There you go.
Thank you.
These are gonna go amazing with that dress, right, babe?
Oh, yeah, those are gonna be amazing.
Gun!
Hello.
Nice watch.
Give it to me.
No way.
Give it to me.
Something borrowed.
It's been emotional.
Come on!
Call 911.
2nd squad, this is dispatch.
Good morning.
The stock market is down.
Layoffs are up.
Losers outnumber winners, and that means just one thing... crime is on the rise.
All units, 10-10 at 16 attorney, shots fired.
911.
No, ma'am.
You want the fire department.
Oh, wait, the perp's on fire?
Y... yes, I see how that's a head-scratcher.
Hold on.
Let me get my supervisor.
Ever wonder why prisons have such pretty names?
What?
Soledad, Sing Sing, Joliet.
They all sound like spas.
We should make a rule, you know?
You kill a guy, you go to agony dungeon race-war state prison, you know?
Yeah, is there something you need?
Or are you just tired of talking to yourself?
We got a case...
missing persons.
Oh. 
Case.
Which one is she?
S... s...
shut up. 
Shut up.
What is going on here?
Fistfight at the miss Puerto Rico tryouts.
Hey!
Case, where you been?
I'm gonna start hanging a bell around your neck.
Like a cow?
That is so sweet.
Come on.
Caught an armed robbery... pawnshop.
It was a man and a woman.
She was the boss, definitely.
Homeboy looked like he had his brains in his butt.
Wore a necklace that said "Marvin."
Not Marvin.
You know the guy?
Is he a bald guy, a little slow?
Yeah, that's him.
Very slow.
Yeah, that's him...
Marvin Bechamel.
"Born to be caught," we call him.
Ah.
What'd they take?
Necklace and some earrings.
Left the cash.
Oh, bad girl grabbed the watch off this other woman.
Other woman?
Hispanic. 
Also very sexy.
Today was a good day for ass in my house.
Nice.
Yeah.
Mama with the gun yoinked the watch, said, "something borrowed," took off.
Hispanic chick chased them out of the store.
All right, we're gonna need you to come down to the station, look at a few pictures.
Now?
Sure, thanks.
Yuval, get out here!
Excuse me.
I'm Detective Delahoy.
This is Detective Banks.
You want to tell us what happened?
I'm maria belzer.
My husband, Howard, is very sick.
He has terminal brain cancer.
And this moron lost him.
We didn't lose him.
One of the orderlies said that they saw howard leaving this morning at around 5:15.
He's got a brain tumor, you say?
Malignant, inoperable.
It was on his temporal lobe.
In the last three months,
Howard lost most of his memory and his ability to speak.
I can't believe this.
We brought my husband to hospice so he could die with dignity, not out on the street like a hobo.
Okay. 
Hey, doctor...
Cook.
Dr. Cook, with Howard as sick as he is, how far do you think he could go?
Well, that's the problem.
15 minutes before Howard walked out, I pronounced him dead.
Makes me sad to see you here again, Marvin.
I didn't do nothing.
Look, here's a hint.
When you want to stop getting caught, stop wearing the giant necklace that says "Marvin."
There are a lot of Marvins in this city.
Not that many, actually.
Kind of like how you don't hear about any Eleanors these days. 
Mm-Hmm.
Marvin...
Who's the girl?
If I was the guy that robbed that pawnshop, which I'm not,
I would never tell you.
That's really interesting, 'cause didn't that guy tell us
That he would crack like an egg?
Yeah.
He's a liar!
Oh, that's not all.
He also said that the pawnshop girl would turn you in in a second.
No way. 
We're in love.
She's gonna marry me.
Congratulations.
We're talking about your wedding here, buddy.
I mean, aren't you excited?
I mean, I kind of am.
How long have you been arresting me?
I've been nothing my whole life... nobody.
Only girls that would even look at me had neck hair or one eye that didn't work right.
But this girl...
she's like cotton candy.
Oh, that is so beautiful.
What's her name?
Rose.
Rose.
I mean... 
Carmelita.
So, where does Rose-I-mean-Carmelita live?
Marvin?
Marvin!
Come on, man.
I mean, you can do whatever you want to me, Walsh.
But this girl...
she's my lucky day.
And I'm never gonna give her up.
Never.
All these chicks are ugly.
Where's the book with the hot chicks?
Howard Belzer.
"B" as in "breast," e
- L-Z-E-R.
Last seen on Jefferson and Henry.
Look, so, the guy dies, and then what?
What, he gets better?
I don't know.
I mean, you saw the hospice doctor.
She was 12.
Probably mispronounced him.
Happens all the time.
All the time?
How would you know?
I know things, Leo.
"The first sentence of the books of Bokonon is this...
All the true things I'm about to tell you are shameless lies."
What is that?
It's the book next to Howard's bed.
You know, I got curious.
I figure, guy gets to read one last book before he dies.
You know, why's he choose this one?
You stole the dude's book?
Hey, Banks, Delahoy.
Someone just called in your missing person.
There's a disturbance at a key food,
Myrtle Avenue, Brooklyn.
And, Alvarez, in my office now!
What's happened to you? 
Uh, just bumped my head getting out of the car.
Hey, grab your coat.
Weren't you wearing that yesterday?
Come on. 
We got a case.
What case?
No questions.
And don't tell anyone where we're going.
I don't know where we're going.
Whoa, that's her!
That's her! 
Stop!
What?
I... 
I just saw her...
the latina chick from the shop.
Which one?
Charley, she was just here.
Walsh!
Oh, Walsh, Shraeger.
You caught another robbery...
bridal shop.
This could be your girl.
Alvarez!
Damn, it's cold.
What was that back there?
Don't worry about it.
Are you hurt?
Look, we're looking for a female, late 20s, brunette.
What did she do?
Held up a pawnshop on 16th street.
Walsh and Shraeger caught that case.
Well, we got to find her before Walsh does.
Why?
Allison, wh...
Casey.
Walsh, I'm gonna...
Yeah, I'll...
Yeah.
I'll be in the car.
Is this a bad time?
Yeah, pretty bad.
Um, these are for you.
They're, uh, sego lilies, the, uh, state flower of Utah.
That'd be really sweet if I was a mormon.
Casey, please. 
I'm sorry about last week. 
I was an idiot.
But you're gonna forgive me.
I am?
Yes, because I'm a good guy and a good friend.
You don't have that many friends.
Also, I'm very tall.
Give me the stupid flowers.
Now you're gonna let me take you out to dinner.
Why?
Because it's gonna be fun.
We'll go someplace expensive.
You can even order the lobster.
Okay, so, this would be...
A date?
Yes.
I'll make you a deal...
If you don't have a good time, you can mace me.
I get off at 6:00.
Now go away.
Okay.
What's up, sarge?
People don't like you.
S... 
Sarge, I...
I'm not done.
If I made...
I'm not done.
If I could...
Not done. 
Shh, shh.
Can I just...
Shut up.
Okay.
You're not a team guy.
You think you're better than everybody else.
Now, some cops can get away with that kind of thing, the whole lone-wolf thing...
Delahoy, for example, not you.
I had a lot of friends in high school.
Doubt it.
No.
You're... you're right.
Look, headquarters wants us to hold a team-building exercise.
I told them I thought it was stupid.
But then I thought...
this is the perfect opportunity for Ed Alvarez to learn what being part of a team is.
So, you want me to participate in the...
No.
I want you to design the exercise.
I want you to show me that you understand what the true nature of team is.
I will not let you down.
What do you got?
Manager says this old guy stumbled in about half an hour ago, made a scene.
First I just thought the guy was stoned.
He was walking real slow, kind of moaning.
How'd that happen?
It's kind of hard to describe.
Give it a shot.
Kid over there got it on video.
All right.
Excuse me.
What's your name?
Screw you.
Nice mouth.
You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Kissed yours last night.
Okay, face the chips.
Give me the phone.
Funnyman.
Eric.
Yeah?
This is not a missing person.
He's a zombie.
Hey, detectives.
How you doing?
Witness heard yelling, saw a black male, white female run out.
Female... she matches the description of your suspect.
Thanks, appreciate it.
You got it.
Poor Marvin.
Wait till he finds out that his fiancée's cheating on him with another felon.
You know what this is, don't you? 
What?
It's a crime slut.
Crime slut?
Yeah, it's classic.
Girl tells a guy that he's her only accomplice.
Meanwhile, she's pulling jobs with half the guys in town.
Detectives.
Yeah?
Take a look at this.
What do you got?
It's a recording.
Report said the clerk's at Bellevue with a fractured skull.
See, I wouldn't have gone with the backless... though it does look good on her.
I'll say.
So, Rose is going out with Marvin, huh?
Well, engaged, according to him.
And we catch Marvin.
Which clearly she was all broken up about.
And this morning she decides to hit up a pawnshop, steal some jewelry, and then hit up a bridal store and grab one of these dresses.
I think our crime slut is trying to steal a wedding.
Howard Belzer, right.
I mean, guy lives in the West Village.
Hospice is on Jefferson.
Wife said he grew up in schenectady, right?
So why does he go to Brooklyn?
He's a zombie.
There's no "why."
He's sick, right?
He's got brain damage.
He's got no wallet.
He's got no keys.
Can't get on the subway without a card.
Can't get on a bus without cash.
So, even if he walks, all right, why does he go to Brooklyn?
Listen to me carefully.
The only problem with chasing a zombie is catching a zombie.
He's not a zombie.
You saw that footage... the shuffle, the moaning, the blood.
It was tomato juice, okay?
What is he, a vegetarian zombie?
You know what?
I cannot deal with this right now.
2nd squad, this is dispatch.
Be on the lookout for a white female and a black male, both armed, last seen exiting Klaire Bishop dress shop on 16th.
Bridget Demopolis.
What?
Dispatch... that's her name.
Wait, how do you...
I know things.
Plus, I did a little research.
She's single.
Hey, listen, man, when you sex her up, have her talk dirty to you through a tin can.
It really captures that dispatch flavor.
Why you got to make everything so ugly?
Detective beautiful.
Handsome Jim. 
Listen, we're looking for a stick-up artist... female, real looker.
I got 20 bucks for a name, $50 for an address.
Yeah?
Who's the cub scout here?
He's my partner.
Can you help me?
Well, maybe if your partner's got something to do.
I'm gonna get a dog.
You want something?
No, thank you.
You know, my daddy choked to death on a hot dog once.
But I don't care. 
I'm not afraid.
You know what I mean?
'Cause I'm courageous.
Don't turn around.
Hey, looky here.
Detective Navan Henry Granger Cole.
Walk away, Frank.
My partner's back there.
She can't see...
Don't look!
Oh, punch a drunk.
Please tell me you hit that.
You hit that, right?
Leave, Frank.
$2.50.
Will you pay this man his money, Navan?
Walk away, Frank, get out of the park, and don't look back.
Hey, I took a look at this, uh, this Detective Walsh you've been telling me about.
Two words for you...
big girl.
Not even.
You just give me the word.
I know this jamaican fella.
He owes me a favor.
We'll make it look like an accident.
Now, what do you say?
Huh, what?
It's genius, right?
It's kung fu. 
Aah!
Absolutely not.
No, I hear you. 
I hear you.
Too many loose ends.
One of us should probably do it.
Walk away, Frank.
Walk away.
Rose trumble.
Got an address.
She squats on Plymouth.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm good.
Guy's just harassing somebody.
Marvin, we've got some bad news.
Your girl ain't your girl no more.
No way.
Yeah. 
Two hours ago...
your Rose and some black guy.
Boutique on orchard.
Stole a dress, assaulted a clerk.
Looks like the wedding's still on.
Just not with you.
I don't buy it.
We cased that store together.
That was gonna be our dress.
Look, Marvin...
You're not a dumb guy.
You know what Rose is, don't you?
Yeah.
She's a crime slut.
That's right.
Now you need to tell us where Rose is.
Rose Trumble.
She squats in an abandoned on Plymouth.
She was my lucky day.
Sorry about that, bud.
Walsh. 
Hey, Walsh.
It's not a good time, Eddie.
Yeah, sure, it's just that, hey, look, uh, you're good with the whole team thing.
And I'm supposed to be designing
This whole team-building exercise.
I'll go get the car.
Okay. 
All right.
Make it fast.
No, I just... you know, if you had any pointers.
You ever been on a team, like, you know, baseball, football?
Oh, yeah.
I was in the debate club.
No, Eddie.
A team, you know?
Like a group of people where if someone gets in a fight, everyone gets in a fight.
Yeah, see, the thing is,
Eddie Alvarez is more of a leader
Than a...
than a pack animal.
Eddie, come on, listen, man.
You... you can't lead a team until you're in it.
Okay?
You got to be in it.
Myrtle Avenue.
How far could the guy go?
He was dead this morning.
Pickup for Brown, please.
Hey.
Where are we on the zombie thing?
He's not a zombie.
He's got cancer of the brain.
The last time anybody saw him, he was at a key foods in Brooklyn.
That's a great book.
What, you read that?
Yeah, I had the A.P. english in high school, you know.
Mostly period stuff, heathcliff on the moors,
Et cetera, et cetera.
I don't know what that means.
On the surface, see, it's about the end of the world.
But really it's about how your family's not your family.
Who are they, then?
Uh, well, technically they're your family, too.
But it's really the people that you meet... you know, the ones that keep popping up.
Your friends, your co-workers... they're really your family.
It's a great book.
"The end will be the same as the beginning."
The end will be the same as the beginning. 
It's a fortune cookie.
You're looking for the meaning of life?
No, but I think I know why Howard went to Brooklyn.
Okay.
I could never be a slut.
How do you know unless you try?
I just have no interest in seeing that many penises.
Knock, knock.
Freeze.
Put your hands behind your head.
Get up.
Turn around.
Walk backwards towards me.
Okay.
Keep your hands behind your head.
All right, all right.
Clear.
We're clear.
What's your name?
Wiley.
Where's Rose?
Police! 
Don't move!
It's us! 
It's us.
What are you guys doing here?
We got a...
a tip on a gun.
Gun!
Watch him.
Stay down!
Too slow.
Damn it!
So, Wiley Probst.
Busted last year on an insider-trading charge.
What are you doing with a loaded gun in the middle of a robbery?
I don't know what you're talking about.
You know the clerk's in intensive care with a broken skull.
Oh. 
Sorry.
Is this the guy?
I'll kill him.
No, Marvin!
She loves me, not you.
Get him out of here!
She loves me!
Get him out of here.
Not you, me!
She loves me!
Rose!
That was awkward.
Who the hell is that guy?
That was Rose's fiancé.
The jealous type.
Guess you guys can share a cell, maybe, at rikers together.
Yeah, I can arrange that for you if you'd like.
A nice little quiet spot away from the guard station.
Please.
I'm just a stockbroker.
That crazy bitch ruined my life.
How's that?
Last year she saw an article about my arrest in the paper, wrote to me in prison.
Then she came to visit.
Hey... you ever had conjugal trailer sex?
Dude, it is insane.
And then I get out.
She stops calling.
What the hell, right?
I spend six months going crazy.
Hottest girl in my life, and she got away.
Then this morning I get a call.
She says she loves me.
She's been an idiot, thinks we should get married.
But it has to be tonight.
Why tonight? 
I don't know.
She wouldn't tell me.
I swear to God, I never meant to hurt anybody.
Okay.
Write it down.
Hi.
I'm the stupidest man alive.
So, that supermarket that Howard trashed used to be an elementary school in the '70s.
Yeah, so?
Yeah, so, I don't know.
But I went to family court in Brooklyn, and guess what.
Howard Belzer didn't used to be Howard Belzer.
He was Howard Feldman.
A jewish zombie.
Okay, he's not a zombie, all right?
He's got a brain tumor.
So give the guy a little dignity, okay? 
Okay.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
Anyway, Howard Feldman grew up on Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn, right?
His parents were Nate and Cora Feldman.
Howard was a happy kid, a good student, until his parents died when he was 8 years old... got killed in a car crash.
A year later the Belzers adopted him, moved to Schenectady.
So Howard... is... trying to... go... home?
Back to happy-kid land.
You know, one more time before, uh... before he dies.
Yeah, all right, so... 
let's try to find an address.
All right?
Make her eyes more intense.
Hey.
Hey, that's her...
latina chick from the shop.
Hey, choir boy, where's Beaumont?
Uh, chinese place, picking up lunch.
Well, if she shows up, you call me. 
Yeah.
Yeah, bye.
What's up?
Pawnbroker said a latina woman was in the shop when it got robbed.
Crime slut stole her watch.
Does that look like, uh, anyone you know?
It's Walsh's watch.
He lent it to me, and I'm just trying to get it back.
Why so secretive?
Walsh is a reasonable guy.
You got robbed.
Just tell him.
I can't.
Why not?
Allison, the only way this job works is if we trust each other.
I'm broke, okay?
I can't pay my rent, my phone's turned off, and my landlord's evicting me.
Why?
My pay's docked $1,500 a month.
It's, uh, from a civil case from when I was on foot patrol.
Perp's neck got broke during an arrest.
It was an accident.
And the guy's fine now.
He's walking.
But I still have to pay.
And what's left over is not enough to live on.
You should tell Walsh.
No.
Why not?
You're sleeping with Walsh.
Shraeger.
Hey, Walsh.
Uh, yeah, I'm on my way.
Okay.
You're not gonna tell him, are you?
Look, she's in a lot of trouble, Mrs. Trumble.
So we need you to tell us where Rose is.
Were you at all aware that your daughter was gonna get married?
Oh, that Rose.
She's such a silly little girl.
She'd do anything for her daddy.
Daddy?
My ex.
He's been in and out of jail all her life.
Two days ago he got himself sentenced to 25 to life.
He goes away tomorrow.
He told Rrose that all he wants before he goes away is to see her get married.
And Rose wants to make him happy.
Have you ever been married, Detective Walsh?
No, ma'am.
Wedding night can be quite memorable.
Listen, we know that rose dated a lot of guys.
But was there anyone in particular that she would want to marry?
Rose?
That girl...
she's been using men all her life.
I don't know where she got it from.
Do you know where she is?
She was here about an hour ago.
She came in wanting one of my old wedding dresses.
So the wedding's still on?
Tonight.
I guess now my question is, um, do you know who the groom is?
Okay, everybody, listen up.
We got a possible on our stick-up team.
Looks like there's gonna be a wedding tonight, so I want everybody bright and shiny.
Now, there's not a lot of places to get married in New York after dark.
But we found four chapels that stay open late.
It could be a long night.
Also, we're not sure who the groom is yet.
But our girl likes to write to inmates, so we're checking with corrections.
So, Shraeger and Walsh will cover the chapel in Soho.
Beaumont and Cole, you're in little italy.
Banks and Delahoy, you take uptown.
No, no, we can't do it.
We're on our way to Brooklyn for that missing-persons thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, Donovan and Hancock, you take spanish Harlem.
I'll head to Battery Park.
Now, remember, our suspect busted a guy's skull and fired on four police.
So be careful, please.
Hey, so, listen, if you find her before...
I'll call.
Thanks.
Look alive!
Let's move out! 
Sarge!
Load 'em up, load 'em up! 
Let's go!
Tell her I love her.
No.
Sarge!
I'm coming with you.
Don't you have a team-building exercise to be working on?
Ah, trick question, right?
'Cause even Eddie Alvarez knows that nothing strengthens a team more than jackbooting a wedding with a tactical unit, putting a New York-style hurt on the bride.
You're learning.
Where is it?
I don't know.
Should be here.
They must have put a park over howard's old house.
This is crazy.
You said yourself, the guy's got brain damage.
Oh. 10 miles between the elementary school and the house.
Walking at a shuffle, he'll be here in about an hour or so.
Listen, we got patrol cars circling.
If he's out there, they'll find him.
Hey, listen, man, you go back. 
I'll stay.
It's all right, really.
Right, and I'm supposed to, what, leave you here?
I called the hub.
And, uh, bridget gets off work at around 7:00.
You take the car.
Huh?
You hurry, you can make it there in time.
Dude, please, ask her out already, okay, before you get struck by lightning or, you know, a piano falls on your head.
Okay.
You need anything, you call me, all right?
All right.
I just hope they make antibacterial condoms.
Good luck.
Since we've been sitting here, 365 kids have been born in China.
If you chip you drop 40 I.Q. points.
Oh, God.
Hey, we're gonna be sitting here all night, right? 
Probably.
Both of us don't have to sit in the car.
What do you mean?
Well, one of us... the one of us that could be on a date right now... could potentially go enjoy a scintillating uzbeki dinner while watching the chapel across the street.
You want to go out on a stakeout date?
Is that so wrong?
No. 
But... whatever.
No, it's good.
Just maybe just get me a cheeseburger or something, if they have... pick...
and pickles! 
Pickles!
I love pickles.
You know, you can tell me anything.
I know.
I don't judge.
It's not christian.
This case just proves that everything stupid anyone ever did in life they did for love.
He likes you.
Who?
Jason.
He likes you. 
I can tell.
Oh, Henry Cole, you really are a badass detective.
Can I sit here?
Sure.
Or, no. 
Oh, no, no.
Actually, let's sit in this, uh, seat.
This is better.
Better view.
All right. 
Okay.
There... there you go.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Uh... you didn't want to go to Nobu or something?
Oh, no, no, no.
Who wants to go eat ritzy sushi and watch celebrities when you can enjoy authentic lagman from the central plains of outer Mongolia?
I hear you.
So, uh, busy day?
Always.
I had a promiscuous woman with a wedding fetish try to murder me with a shotgun.
Casey.
I'm still here, though.
You know what looks really good?
The oolag.
Actually, I'm curious.
How did you know you wanted to be a cop?
Well, I always loved doughnuts, and... uh, what about you?
Come from money?
Rich kid?
No, my dad's a mailman in Pittsburgh.
I have six brothers.
Three of them are truckers.
So, how come you always, you know, look so...
What? 
Well-educated?
Well-dressed?
Come on, don't be a snob.
The elevator goes both ways.
Oh, crap.
What?
No, no, no, no.
I have to go.
I don't understand.
I'm working.
I thought I could do both.
Uh, Casey?
Call me Jonah.
My parents did, or nearly did.
They called me john.
I was a christian then.
I'm a bokononist now.
We bokononists believe that humanity is organized into teams...
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the eyes of God...
Teams that do God's will without ever discovering what they are doing.
All right, she's armed, she's dangerous, and she's desperate to get married.
Let's go.
Such a team is called a karass.
If you find your life tangled up with someone else's life... that person may be a member of your karass.
Around back.
Yeah.
Nowhere does bokonon warn against a person's trying to discover the limits of his karass.
But such investigations are bound to be incomplete.
As bokonon tells us, anyone who thinks he sees what God is doing is a fool.
Hey.
Remember me?
Oh!
Hello.
What's this?
"Hi, my name is Leo."
That's funny.
I'm a leo, too... 
August 5th.
"You are very beautiful."
Oh, Leo.
You're gonna make me blush.
"Maybe we can go out sometime."
Oh, wait, are you asking me on a date?
Oh, I don't know.
You don't talk very much.
But then again, I talk all the time.
Now, Wyatt, you know Ike Clanton.
He has a ranch outside city limits.
Yes, I know.
Well, he's organised the toughest bunch of gunslingers you ever laid eyes on.
And he owns the County Sheriff.
- Who is he?
- Cotton Wilson.
Cotton Wilson.
So lke paid off on his deal, eh?
Clanton's been rustling Mexican cattle by the thousands, and he has to move them.
But he can only ship them out of Tombstone, and he can't do that while we control the city.
That's about it.
He's organised and he's mean.
We can't keep him out of Tombstone forever.
What about the people of Tombstone?
John Clum, editor of the Epitaph, and some of the leading citizens will back us if they know you're calling the shots.
We're all agreed, Wyatt, you should run the show.
There's only one thing that bothers me, and I'm going to speak my piece now.
There's gonna be a lot of bad talk about you riding with Doc Holliday.
What about Holliday?
He's the worst killer on the frontier, that's what about him.
And it just don't look good, you coming here with him.
Holliday saved my life in Dodge City.
I don't forget that.
What's more, he's a man of his word.
As long as he plays his cards straight and keeps out of killings, we got no right to run him out of town.
I didn't know you two were a team.
We're not.
It's just a case of square deal.
Holliday stays.
All right, Wyatt. 
He's your responsibility.
That suits me fine. 
Now, do we have a map of the county here?
Now the first thing we got to do is let the Clantons know that the city is closed to them.
Then we got to control the county.
Now, that's important.
I'm gonna get a letter off to a man tonight who'll take care of that little matter for us.
Now show me where the Clanton ranch is.
- Here.
- And where does he keep his...
Hello, Cotton. 
I've been expecting you.
You're looking fine, real prosperous.
- Oh, I ain't complaining.
- What's on your mind?
Wyatt, Ike wants to make you a deal.
He promises no trouble if you let him ship his cattle out of Tombstone.
Well, that's mighty nice of Ike.
Ike's a nice fellow.
He's got a fortune tied up in cattle out there at the ranch.
- And he's gonna move them.
- Oh, he is, huh?
There's $20,000 in it for you. 
Cash.
$20,000?
The wages of sin are rising.
$20,000 against a six-foot hole in Boot Hill or a $20-a-month pension, if you live long enough to collect it.
I've thought about those things.
You know, Cotton, this is a nice little town.
Good place to set a while.
I might even run for County Sheriff in a couple of months.
That don't scare me at all. 
I got mine.
I got a ranch now and $25,000 in the bank.
And you know something?
It don't bother my sleep not one bit.
It would mine, though.
Why don't you get off that pulpit, Wyatt?
Ellsworth, Wichita, Dodge City, and what have they got you, but a life full of misery and a woman who walked out on you and the friendship of a killer?
Take this message back to your boss.
So that's the way he wants it, huh?
He aims to pull the town out from under you, Ike.
- Been a long time, Ike.
- Too long.
Hello, Ringo.
Still renting your gun to the highest bidder?
That's right, Marshal.
Ain't you a little young to be packing a gun, son?
Why don't you try me?
Going someplace?
We're taking in the show, Marshal.
Any objections?
No, soon as you check in your sidearms.
Why don't you check it in for me, Marshal?
Now!
You boys know my brothers.
Meet John Clum, head of the Citizens' Committee.
You're a marked man, Wyatt.
There's no place in this town for you, Ike.
The next time you ride in armed, you ride out feet first.
Now get moving.
- Here comes trouble.
- Who is she?
That's Kate Fisher.
She just couldn't stay away.
- Four blues.
- Call, you suckers.
Barkeep, some whiskey down here.
Leave the bottle.
Two pair, aces up.
- Hey, Doc, what've you got?
- Three treys.
Nice town, huh, Kate?
Well, well, well, if it ain't the little deputy.
Doc, your deal.
Gonna say hello to an old friend?
Draw.
Give me some créme de menthe.
Hey, little deputy.
Would you like to have another drink with me?
You're drunk, Ringo.
That's the way you made your reputation, wasn't it, against drunks?
Get your gun. 
I'll meet you in the street in five minutes.
I'll be there.
I said I'd see you dead.
What kind of a sucker play is this?
It's all Clanton needs to start a war.
Look, I've had it up to here.
You want to play patty-cake with them, go ahead.
Give me your gun, Doc.
You got no right packing it.
Now you can...
You can thank God you're Wyatt Earp's brother.
Holliday, if you think anything about Wyatt, you'll get out of here.
Having a killer like you around is the worst thing that can happen to him!
- I hear you're leaving Tombstone.
- You hear good.
I'm taking a stage tomorrow.
Kind of thought this climate was good for your cough.
Listen, Preacher, being here is causing me a lot of embarrassment.
Some people are even taking me as a lawman.
You're not leaving on my account?
Your account?
You've got nothing to do with my leaving.
Good luck, Doc.
Too bad we won't be in on the finish together.
- Hiya, Wyatt.
- John.
Here's that letter you've been waiting for.
What do we got here?
Young Clanton passed out drunk at the Alhambra.
Throw him in the tank and let him sleep it off.
Hold it a minute.
John, how long is it going to take you to get those men you promised me?
Any time you say.
I think I'll take a little trip out to the Clanton ranch.
- You crazy?
- I don't think so.
Well, take your gun.
This is all the ammunition I'll need.
If I'm not back in a couple of hours, Virge, have Clum's Citizens' Committee drag my carcass out.
Billy!
He's all right, ma'am.
Just got himself a little liquored up.
All right, on your feet.
Billy, you get in the house!
I don't know what I'm going to do with that boy.
The way he's going now, he's going to end up like his father, shot down for stealing cattle.
You think you're pretty tough, don't you, son?
I never saw a gunslinger yet so tough he lived to celebrate his 35th birthday.
I learnt one rule about gunslingers.
There's always a man faster on the draw than you are, and the more you use a gun, the sooner you're gonna run into that man.
You think I don't know what's inside of you.
I had a couple of big brothers.
They fought in the Civil War, and I was too young to go.
I tried to live up to them the same way that you're trying to live up to Ike and Finn.
- You know about that, huh?
- You can bet I know about that.
It's not that I want to be a gunfighter, exactly. 
It's just...
I don't know, sometimes I get lonely.
All gunfighters are lonely.
They live in fear.
They die without a dime or a woman or a friend.
You know, I never thought about it like that.
Well, think about it. 
Think about it.
Billy, listen to the marshal.
- I won't do it no more, Ma.
- Oh, please don't.
What are you doing here?
Just brought your kid brother home, drunk.
You should be proud, real proud.
You'd better get riding.
I wouldn't do that, Ike.
Some of my friends in Tombstone might begin to worry if I'm not back soon.
That don't cut no ice with me, Wyatt.
You're out of your territory this time.
Am I?
My appointment,
United States Marshal.
Sorry to disappoint you.
Now wait a minute, Wyatt.
I'm not looking for a fight, but you've got to stop pushing me.
Now why don't we sit down and talk it over?
I'll make you any kind of deal you ask.
The only deal I want is for you to run that stolen herd back to Mexico.
- Did you see the judge?
- I seen him.
Well?
There's no legal way you can keep a United States Marshal out of the county.
Judge was packing up to leave when I got there.
I think it's about time we all pack up and leave, Ike.
Shut up, Frank!
There's only one thing we can do.
We didn't have no trouble till that Wyatt Earp got here.
You're making sense now, Ike.
All right.
We got no choice.
We'll ambush him tonight.
Ain't you forgetting about the rest of the Earps?
Now, look, we can handle the Earps if we make this a personal fight.
- What if they bring in Clum?
- They won't, they're too proud.
They're gonna come to us the way we want.
It's a law bigger than any law in the books.
Family pride.
We'll get that Wyatt when he makes his late round.
Don't make no difference to me.
Tired?
Yeah, I guess I must have dozed a little.
- Betty sent some coffee.
- Well, that's gonna hit the spot.
It's awful quiet.
Too quiet.
Wyatt, do you figure we're gonna have to fight it out with the Clantons?
I wish I knew, Jimmy.
Maybe lke will see how hopeless it all is.
- You itching to get back to California?
- I think about it all the time.
- She must be quite a girl.
- Yeah, she is.
Well,
I better get to work.
Look, how about letting me make the rounds for you tonight?
I get awful lonesome sitting here with nothing to do but think.
Sure, you go ahead.
I could use some sleep.
Least when I'm making the rounds, it gives me something else to think about.
Ike's called the play.
We'll do it his way now.
Don't do that, Wyatt.
That's what they want.
Don't let them push you into a personal fight.
That's mighty funny coming from you.
You're a lawman, Wyatt.
Don't throw away a lifetime's work.
Where's your logic?
To hell with logic!
That's my brother lying there.
- Who is it?
- Open the door!
Start talking, Kate.
Doc,
- I don't know nothing about it.
- Talk!
Why?
What difference does it make now?
I sure messed everything up real good, ain't I?
I wanted you back, because I love you.
And...
I thought if Wyatt was out of the way, you'd come back to me.
And that's why I kept quiet when I heard them.
I must've been out of my mind!
Where?
The Clanton ranch.
Who was there?
I didn't want that boy to be killed!
Who was there?
Ike, Finn, Cotton Wilson and the MacLowerys.
And Ringo?
Was Ringo there?
Yes, Ringo was there.
Don't, Doc. 
Don't, Doc.
Oh, please don't, Doc!
Doc! 
Doc!
Please don't, Doc.
Please don't kill me!
Please! 
Please! 
Please!
No, don't kill me!
Doc?
Doc.
Doc!
Oh, Doc.
It's all right, honey.
It's all right, honey.
Wyatt, Ike sent me.
I didn't have nothing to do with it.
I didn't know nothing about James!
You gotta believe me, you got to.
I guess it's just because your name is Clanton.
Ike sent me to see you.
He wants to meet with you and your family, personal.
- I've been expecting it.
- With no interference from Clum.
You have my word.
How many men is he bringing?
Six.
There'll be lke and Finn and Ringo and the MacLowerys.
Where and when?
Sunup at OK Corral.
You tell lke we'll be there.
You said six.
I'll be coming with them.
Don't do it, Billy.
Give yourself a chance to live.
No, I thought about it.
I thought real hard about it.
No, sir, I can't run.
Ike and Finn are my brothers.
You understand that, don't you?
Yes, Billy, I understand that.
How can you sit there like you're playing checkers?
How can you sit there like that?
What's the matter with you?
Why don't you go get John Clum and ask for some help?
I told you, this is not Clum's affair.
This is personal, between us and Ike Clanton.
But you're lawmen.
You are lawmen, all three of you.
You have no right to put yourselves above the safety of this town!
Your duty is to the people, not to your own pride.
Proud, proud men.
Look at you.
Look at the proud men!
Morgan, does your wife know she'll be a widow tomorrow?
I think you'd better leave the room.
Virgil, your son wants to kiss you good night.
See you in the morning.
Doc, wake up.
Doc, it's me, Wyatt.
Wake up! 
Do you hear me?
You drunken sot!
I need you, Doc. 
Don't let me down.
Wake up, do you hear me? 
Wake up.
Leave him alone.
Can't you see he's dying?
Leave them alone.
Doc, how do you feel?
The fight's this morning, isn't it?
What?
I don't know.
Doc, you can't.
You can't!
Doc, you can't!
Look, you can't even stand up!
You're gonna die for sure if you go out there.
If I'm gonna die, at least let me die with the only friend I ever had.
We don't make no difference, huh?
You and I?
We don't matter, Kate.
We haven't mattered since the day we were born.
- Get the horses around back.
- All right.
Get going, Cotton.
Frank, take the rifle, get inside the wagon.
Up front.
Morgan and Virgil are waiting.
Ike wants to talk to you alone.
He's unarmed.
Wait a minute, Wyatt.
Kate told me about the killing of your brother.
It was the Clantons all right and you were in on it!
I had nothing to do with it.
Get back where you belong.
- Believe me, Wyatt, if...
- Get back with your friends.
They're coming.
- They got Doc Holliday with them.
- Holliday, huh?
Cotton, you get over with the horses.
Ike, I can't take this kind of gunplay anymore.
Let me out.
Get over there.
Seven of them with Cotton.
I only see six.
Spread.
Frank.
Hit the dirt!
Cover me.
Shotgun!
- You all right?
- All right, all right.
Cotton, you chicken-livered, miserable...
He killed my brother!
- Tom, stay back, you fool!
- He killed my brother!
Come on, Earp! 
I'll kill you!
Come on, Earp!
Earp, come out and get it!
Virge, hurt bad?
Yeah, my legs.
Doc.
I'll take care of Ringo.
Billy, throw down your gun and come on out.
Give up, boy! 
You haven't got a chance!
Come in and get me.
Come in and get me!
Don't make me do it, boy.
Don't make me do it.
I'm shoving off, Doc.
How are the brothers?
Coming along fine.
They're gonna be all right.
Another glass, Joe.
I just want you to know I'd have never made it without you.
- Where you heading?
- California.
Laura?
I don't know. 
I hope so.
She'll be waiting.
Will you listen to me for just once?
Will you get up to that hospital in Denver?
At this rate, you can't last more than a couple of months.
You crazy?
And give up this winning streak?
I'll see you around.
So long, Preacher.
- Good afternoon, gentlemen.
- Hello, Doc.
- Hi, Doc.
- What's the name of this game?
- Boot Hill 
- On a hill, on a hill
- Boot Hill 
- There's a chill, there's a chill
- So cold 
- Mighty cold, mighty cold
- So still 
- Mighty still, mighty still
Here they lie, side by side
The killers that died
In the gunfight at OK Corral
OK Corral
OK Corral
Gunfight at
OK Corral

OK... 
Corral
OK... 
Corral
There the outlaw band made their final stand
OK... 
Corral
Oh, my dearest, one must die, lay down my gun
Or take the chance of losing you forever
Duty calls, my back's against the wall
Have you no kind word to say before I ride away?
Your love... your love
I need... your love
Keep the flame, let it burn
Until I return from the gunfight at OK Corral lf the Lord is my friend
We'll meet at the end of the gunfight at OK Corral
Gunfight at OK Corral
OK... 
Corral
OK... 
Corral
There the outlaw band
Made their final stand
OK... 
Corral
Oh, my dearest, one must die
Lay down my gun
And take the chance
Of losing you forever
Duty calls
My back's against the wall
Have you no kind word to say before I ride away?
Away
Boot Hill
Boot Hill, Boot Hill, Boot Hill
Boot Hill
In the air, there's a chill, there's a chill 33 00:02:35,280 -- 00:02:36,410 So cold
Mighty cold, mighty cold, mighty cold
So still
Mighty still, mighty still, mighty still 3700:02:40,420 -- 00:02:42,580 There they lay, side by side,
The killers that died in the gunfight at OK Corral
OK... 
Corral
Gunfight at OK Corral.
Hello, Ed.
Where's Doc Holliday?
Over at the hotel, more than likely.
He's been expecting you...
Get word over there I'm waiting for him.
No need to do that, Ed.
The whole town knows you're waiting for him by now.
Before there's another killing...
You just go on serving your watered-down liquor and keep out of my business, Shanssey.
stinking drunk, spoiling for a fight.
Whiskey!
He drew a gun on Holliday.
Over there!
Have it your way, Ed.
Check your guns, if you want to stay here.
Leave the bottle!
You don't stand a chance, Doc.
Bailey brought two men with him.
Oh, come on, honey, let's cut out of here while there's still time.
The whole town, including that no-good marshal, is laying for you.
Right or wrong, they're going to hang you for another killing.
You know it.
Doc.
Oh, you ain't even listening to me.
Now, Kate, Mr. Bailey came all the way from Fort Worth to see me on a gentleman's matter.
"Gentleman."
It wouldn't be hospitable for me to leave town, now, would it?
Don't start that gentleman business with me again.
Well, it's a pure case of ethics, but...
Well, that's something a person like you wouldn't understand.
Why do you always have to treat me like I'm dirt?
You ain't no better than me!
That's debatable.
Oh, is it?
You and that magnolia dripping'.
Well, let me tell you something, Doc Holliday.
All them fancy clothes and that smart talk don't make you no gentleman!
You are dirt, just like me.
And I'm tired of hearing about that...
Georgia plantation and all them lily-white friends of yours.
They're all gone now!
They're all gone!
Yes, they are... and here I am with you.
Your family scraped the barrel after the war wiped them out just to send you through dental school.
You sure turned out fine.
They'd be real proud of you.
Ow!
Don't you ever mention my family again.
Doc, please...
Doc, please.
Forget about Bailey.
Let's get out of here while there's still time.
Maybe...
Maybe we could even go to Laredo like you... you said and do something about that cough of yours.
It's getting worse all the time.
Your concern over my health touches me deeply.
You know how I feel about you.
111 00:06:47,240 -- 00:06:49,070 I know exactly how you feel.
I don't know...
I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you.
115 00:06:57,110 -- 00:06:59,380 You'd lose your meal ticket, wouldn't you?
That ain't nice to say to me, Doc.
I've been good to you, ain't I?
Why don't you think about me once in a while?
All right, get over to Shanssey's and tell him I'll be there later.
Please, don't go there.
Do as I tell you.
I need some money.
Hello, Wyatt.
Cotton Wilson.
It's been a long time.
Man, I'm plain worn out.
Hope you got some good news for me.
Ike Clanton rode through here three days ago, heading east.
Waco, I think.
Johnny Ringo was with him.
Rode through, heading east?
You didn't get my telegram.
I got it.
Well, why didn't you hold him?
I had no quarrel with Ike Clanton.
Nothing to hold him for.
Nothing to hold him for?
Why, man, he's got a dozen charges against him.
I played this whole thing so he'd be forced into Griffin.
I figured if there was one man in Texas who could stop him, you'd be the man.
Now, don't go getting your blood heated up, Wyatt.
Cotton, it's Wyatt Earp you're talking to.
Ten years ago, I watched you walk single-handed into a saloon in Oklahoma City, and knock out three of the fastest guns in the territory.
Ten years is a long time ago.
Getting old, I guess.
Anybody ever told me that Cotton Wilson had gone yellow,
I would have called them a liar.
You have no right to say that to me, Wyatt.
I've bucked heads with the toughest gangs on the frontier.
Then why didn't you stop Ringo and Clanton?
Well, why didn't you?
!
If you can't handle it anymore, turn in your badge!
Turn in my badge.
I've been a lawman for 25 years.
Worked every hellhole in the territory.
You know what I got to show for it?
A $1 2-a-month room in the back of a cruddy boardinghouse, and a tin star.
Think I like winding up in a place like this?
It's the end of the line for me, Wyatt.
It'll happen to you someday.
Just like it happens to all of us.
Where is that yellow-livered skunk?
Slow down, Ed.
Holliday's only trying to rile you.
What do you figure's keeping Holliday?
Doc's going to make 'em dangle a little.
Wyatt Earp.
Why, you old son of a gun.
Why didn't you let us know you was riding into town?
Good to see you, John.
Hi, Marshal.
Come on, sit down.
Cigar?
I'll be a son of a gun.
You've sure come a long ways since the railroading days in Cheyenne.
Ellsworth, Wichita, now Dodge City.
Funny, I never figured you for a lawman.
You was always pretty reckless and wild.
Never figured myself for a lawman, either.
Fix a nice steak for Mr. Earp.
Yes, sir.
My personal stock.
How are the brothers?
Fine. 
Virgil and Morgan are married.
Virgil and Morgan married?
What do you know.
John, I need some help.
Anything I can do for you.
Ike Clanton and Johnny Ringo rode through here three days ago.
They got a dozen counts against them.
I telegraphed Cotton to hold them, but he crossed me up.
Cotton's skidded a long way.
You know anything?
Wish I did, but...
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Doc Holliday played poker with them.
Maybe he heard something.
Bartender!
Bartender!
whiskey around here!
Ed Bailey.
Doc Holliday killed his brother.
The guy was begging for it.
He came in drunk, cheated at cards.
He pulled a gun on Doc.
Did you ever meet Holliday?
We crossed trails once.
He was a dentist then.
You know, I've yet to see the guy pick a fight.
Trouble just naturally seems to find him.
It's gotten so every would-be gunman on the frontier wants the honor of putting him in Boot Hill.
You know how it is when a man gets a reputation.
I sure do.
Where is Holliday?
I better get to him while the getting's good.
He's at the hotel.
Keep that steak warm, I'll be back.
You ain't missing much;
it's longhorn.
Holliday.
Sit down, make yourself at home, 230 00:13:12,190 -- 00:13:14,380 just like you were invited.
I don't know if you remember me...
I remember you-- Wyatt Earp.
Pulled a tooth for you ten years ago.
If I knew when I had you in the chair what you were going to turn out to be, I...
I hear you've taken up a new occupation.
It's too bad;
you were a good dentist.
My patients didn't like my coughing.
I'd like some information.
The name of this game is solitaire.
I'm in a position to do a little horse trading.
Good evening, Mr. Earp.
I know something that would interest you.
You don't know a thing that would interest me.
Suppose I was to tell you that Ed Bailey... has a small derringer hidden in his boot.
Left or right?
Left.
I'd say that was good information--
Bailey's left-handed.
Ike Clanton and Johnny Ringo rode through here three days ago.
You played cards with them.
Which way were they heading?
Beats me.
I thought we were making a deal.
That's what you said.
I didn't make any deals.
But you know where they went, don't you?
Look, you're interrupting my game.
You've got a real big hate for the law, haven't you?
Is there any reason why I shouldn't?
Your brother, Morgan, ran me out of Deadwood last year and impounded $1 0,000 of my money.
As a matter of fact, you've got brothers marshaling all over the frontier, haven't you?
I'll see you again, Holliday.
If you're around.
What did you find out?
Not a thing.
It's my hunch they're headed for Tombstone.
Ike's old man has a big ranch there.
But I can't be sure.
Isn't your brother Virgil a marshal at Tombstone?
That's right.
I sent him a telegram, asking him to be on the lookout for him, just in case.
What are you going to do?
There's nothing I can do.
The trail's ice cold.
I'm heading back for Dodge City in the morning.
Mr. Holliday.
Yes.
Would you care to settle up your bill now?
Well, uh...
What I mean, sir, is we didn't know whether you were checking out or not.
You'll have word in 1 5 minutes.
Doc, you're walking into a stacked deck.
If Bailey don't get you, the marshal will.
You'd be smart to get out while you can.
You act as if you want to get killed.
29400:17:12,130 -- 00:17:14,220 Maybe I do.
Holliday... let's check your gun.
Good evening, Harry.
The usual.
Yes, sir.
I understand there's a gentleman in from Fort Worth to see me.
This gentleman should have taught his brother better than to deal with a marked deck.
Well, if you happen to see this, uh... gentleman, tell him I'll be waiting for him at Boot Hill.
He'll have only one direction to travel from there-- down.
Come to think of it... he's no gentleman at all.
He's a son of a yellow-bellied sow.
All right, Doc, let's go.
Right on cue.
What's the charge?
We'll think of one.
I'm sure you will.
Thanks, Harry.
All right, get him out of here.
It's all over, folks.
Break it up.
Come on, step up to the bar.
Free drinks, on the house.
Come on, give me some beer, bartender.
Ah, it's always a mess after a killing.
Looks like Doc spoiled everybody's fun.
He's crazy, but he's got nerve, though-- plenty of nerve.
Shanssey, Mr. Earp, what are you going to about this?
You saw what happened.
They had no right to take Doc off.
They're going to do something to him, I know it.
Kate Fisher, friend of Doc's.
He's going to be framed.
You saw it-- Bailey pulled a gun on him.
Wait a minute, Miss Fisher, take it easy.
Why don't you just relax and let the law handle this.
There ain't no law in this town.
I never saw a man beg more to get his brains blown out.
Please, you've got to help him.
Doc Holliday's none of my business.
Please, Mr. Earp.
I don't want any part of him.
I don't even like him.
I'm sorry.
Good night.
Kate, I can have a pair of saddle horses put round back of the hotel.
That's as much as I can do.
With the feeling against Doc,
I wouldn't stay in business ten minutes if they knew I'd helped him.
Ten, please.
Wilson live here?
Why, no, sir.
They're just holding Doc Holliday upstairs in his room.
Oh.
Mr. Earp.
Look, Miss Fisher, I told you this is none of my business.
I don't care what you think of me and Doc.
There's a lynch mob starting across the street.
That's your business, ain't it?
Don't make no difference whether Doc is right or wrong.
He don't deserve to be hung by a pack of animals.
You're getting out of here.
Since when have you taken to rescuing gamblers in distress?
Don't take it personal, Doc.
I just don't like lynchings.
What are we waiting for?
Not yet.
I'd say now is a very good time.
Hey, Sturges' barn!
That's it.
Get going down the back stairs.
Much obliged, Marshal.
37600:23:31,510 -- 00:23:33,740 I'll see you in Dodge City and thank you properly.
You can thank me properly by staying out of Dodge City.
More water!
More water!
...Boot Hill
Boot Hill, Boot Hill, Boot Hill
Boot Hill
In the air, there's a chill, there's a chill
So cold
Mighty cold, mighty cold, mighty cold
So still
Mighty still, mighty still, mighty still
Wyatt Earp, they say, saved Doc Holliday
From old Boot Hill...
Boot Hill
Boot Hill, Boot Hill, Boot Hill
Boot Hill
Over there, there's a chill, there's a chill
So cold
Mighty cold, mighty cold, mighty cold 395 00:24:35,000 -- 00:24:36,330 So still
Mighty still, mighty still, mighty still
Wyatt roamed the West, and though he fought the best
By nature he preferred it nice and peaceful
Sort of slow
And sort of easy-go
But he was quick on the draw
And Wyatt's word was law
Was law, was law...
Whoa.
How about that?
A little out of place for Dodge City, wouldn't you say?
That's strictly big-city stuff.
Looks like she's going to stay a while.
Got a trunk.
I got to go on a posse.
That's what I came to see you about.
Chief Dullknife is on a rampage again.
I'm going to have to borrow your deputies.
You're always short of men.
Who's the girl?
Yeah, who's the girl?
Girl? 
What girl?
Oh. 
I was too busy finding out that Doc Holliday and his lady friend have just checked in at the Dodge House.
Doc Holliday?
I told him to keep out of Dodge City.
I'd better get over there before he unpacks.
You going to lend me your deputies?
Well, all right, but I have to keep Charlie here with me.
You can have the rest of the boys.
And don't forget to get back before those cattle drives.
You know how business picks up when the cowpokes hit town.
Mario, go on out and get some fresh air.
The mayor's welcoming committee, eh?
I thought I told you to stay out of Dodge City.
I like a sharp razor, don't you?
Care for a shave?
There's a stage for Abilene in the morning.
I want you to be on it.
Can't.
The marshal of Abilene sent me here.
As a matter of fact,
I wish someone would write you fellas a new speech.
I've had the same one in the last five towns.
All right, you'll stay in your hotel room, then, till day after tomorrow.
I'll personally escort you to the westbound train.
Wyatt, you've got to face a hard fact.
I'm in a state of complete financial collapse.
I don't even have the price of a ticket.
Shanssey told me you had quite a bankroll back there in Griffin.
Shanssey ought to know.
452 00:27:22,400 -- 00:27:24,530 He had $1 0,000 of mine in his safe.
You know what that son of a gun did?
You'll recall I had to leave town rather hastily.
Those two horses in back of the hotel cost me $5,000 apiece.
Now, how about that?
Towel, please.
Oh, thank you.
Everyone puts such an outlandish value on my life.
Say, Wyatt... how much do you earn?
About $1 00 a month and two dollars an arrest?
You trying to bribe me?
Oh, no.
Not you.
I feel compelled to offer you an honest business proposition.
That's not bad.
You got any money saved?
Some.
Going to buy a small ranch or a country store someday, huh?
Well, I'll make it easier for you.
You stake me to a thousand dollars and I'll split my winnings.
The cowboys are coming and the stakes will be big.
Fifty-fifty, huh?
Now actually, any number of people would be glad to back me for ten percent, but...
I like you, Wyatt Earp.
I like your cut.
Why so generous with the split?
Look, a barber needs this.
You're a lawman, you need a gun. 
Money's just a tool of my trade.
Of course, you will guarantee you won't lose.
I never lose.
You see, poker's played by desperate men who cherish money.
I don't lose because I have nothing to lose, including my life.
493 00:28:45,250 -- 00:28:46,280 Is it a deal?
Of all the low-down gall.
Ah, well...
You're just going to have to stake me to a railroad ticket.
Holliday, I've done some foolish things in my life.
I'm about to do another.
I'm going to let you stay in town.
Why so generous?
Let's say I like your cut.
You can stay and you can play on one condition:
No knives, no guns and no killings.
No knives, no guns, no killings.
That's it.
You have my word as a gentleman.
Just one more thing.
You ought to treat that woman decent or leave her.
Kate?
Yes, poor old Kate.
She stands for everything I hate in Doc Holliday.
Oh, leave two bits for the barber, will you?
Well, I found out all about your lady fair.
Hey, where'd you get the new gun?
Buntline made it for me special.
What lady fair?
It's sure beautiful-- isn't that barrel too long?
No, good balance, just right.
What's beautiful?
Hand-tooled, too, huh?
What are you talking about?
Well, that girl that came in on the stage day before yesterday.
Oh, yeah, I remember;
what about her?
Well, she's staying over at Mrs. D's place.
They tell me she's got a trunkful of the most elegant clothes you've ever seen.
Some of them dresses clean from Paris, France.
She's five-foot six, weighs 1 20 pounds, red hair, green eyes...
What is she doing here?
Gambler.
Very funny.
Well, if you think that's funny, why don't you take a little walk over to the Longbranch Saloon.
You'll die laughing.
Hello, Wyatt.
What's the trouble?
I think I'm going to have to break up that game.
Can't do that, Wyatt.
There's no law against women gambling.
I know, but every time there's a woman at the tables, there's trouble, you know that.
Sorry, game's over.
Wyatt, this is Laura Denbow.
Kelly, you're the mayor of this town.
We agreed there'd be no women gambling on the north side.
Miss Denbow's marker is respected for $1 0,000 anywhere in the West.
We all consider her an exception.
Not in Dodge City, she isn't.
So you're the famous Wyatt Earp.
Lawman, judge and jury.
560 00:31:25,550 -- 00:31:27,670 That's right, Miss Gambler-- start with you and we'll have every tramp on the south side over here.
Who's a tramp?
Shut up and keep out of this, cowboy.
You're talking to a lady!
It appears the marshal hasn't met a lady before.
You're in a saloon, playing a man's game.
Why should you be treated like a lady?
And you ain't no gentleman.
That's all for tonight, Miss Denbow.
Take your hands off her.
Hold it, Charlie.
I'm tired of you pushing people around.
Now, go for your gun.
I'm going to kill you!
I don't have a gun, cowboy.
I'm unarmed.
Stay where you are!
You're drunk.
You don't know what you're doing.
Now, give me that gun before you get into real trouble.
I don't stand for nobody talking like that to no lady.
You stand real still.
And just give me that gun.
I ain't no gunman.
I couldn't kill anybody.
I know that, cowboy.
You were just trying to impress the lady.
Charlie-- take him down and sober him up and get him out of town.
You're under arrest.
For what, Mr. Earp?
You just saw it-- disturbing the peace.
Wait a minute, Wyatt.
It's all right, Mayor Kelly.
The marshal's only trying to save the good name of Dodge City.
Besides, I might like to see the inside of a jail.
Don't you think you better wait for a few of your deputies?
I might be desperate.
I'll let you go, if you promise to do your gambling south of the deadline.
South of the deadline?
No, I think I'll stay.
Perhaps the judge isn't as righteous as the marshal.
Well, aren't you going to open the door?
Oh, I, uh... won't be needing these while I'm here.
Why don't you buy yourself a new halo?
The one you're wearing's too tight.
Close the door, Marshal.
Locked her up?
That's right, disturbing the peace.
I could get her out.
$500 says you can't.
Make it the $1 ,000 I owe you.
Double or nothing.
It's a bet.
I'll be back in 30 minutes.
Good evening, Charlie.
Oh, hiya, Doc.
Man, this 1 2 on and 1 2 off is sure ruining my homework.
I spend half my life on that dern paperwork.
Care for a nip?
Doc, you know why I don't like drinking on duty.
What's the occasion?
I'd like to bail out Miss Denbow.
Hit me.
I got 1 9.
Twenty.
Can't do it, Doc.
She's got to appear in court tomorrow. 
Think I'll stand on these.
Twenty-one.
Oh, I'll wait for Wyatt.
I sure hope Bat gets back with our deputies before them cowboys hit town.
Blackjack.
I got one, too.
You know, Doc, if we was playing for real,
I'd just be compelled to have a look at that deck.
Oh, I'd be compelled to ask you to try it.
Use mine, huh?
Good thing Wyatt don't let us go around drawing these things.
Somebody might get hurt.
Well... 
I got to go have a look at the prisoners and horses.
Watch the office for me, will you, Doc?
Sure thing, Charlie.
I never could get the hang of these things.
What are you doing here?
Wyatt, I'd like to bail out Miss Denbow.
She happens to be a lady.
No favors, Holliday.
Let's say you release her in exchange for some information.
You don't know a thing that would interest me.
Uh, suppose I were to tell you that Shanghai Pierce is bringing his herd here.
Shanghai Pierce, huh?
I take it you've had some run-ins with him.
I had to bat him over the head once or twice, when he got drunk and tried to shoot up Wichita.
Not a bad guy, just forgot to grow up.
Well, he's aiming to shoot up Dodge City, and he's hired Ringo to make sure you don't spoil his fun.
Oh, and what's more, he, uh...
He's put a price of $1 ,000 on your head, dead.
What else is new?
Well, I, I thought it was kind of amusing, a price on a lawman's head.
Look, Holliday, as long as I'm the law here, not one of those cowpokes is going to cross that deadline with a gun.
I don't care if his name is Shanghai Pierce.
Well spoken.
I'll repeat those words at your funeral.
How about releasing Miss Denbow?
Nothing doing.
Look, you made a deal.
You made the deal.
I didn't agree to a thing, remember?
Charlie, you're working for a crook.
Oh, yeah?
Go on home, Charlie, and turn in.
I'll finish these reports.
Thanks.
Everything's quiet.
Good night.
G'night.
Wyatt, you ought to turn her loose.
She's got no business behind bars.
I think Charlie's right.
Let her out.
Conscience?
Maybe I like her.
Tell Kelly she's to play in the side room.
I don't want her gambling on the main floor.
Good evening, Miss Denbow.
Good evening.
Come on, Laura, we've got business to take care of.
Thank you.
Marshal.
Good evening, Mr. Earp.
Good evening, Miss Denbow.
Good evening, Mr. Earp.
Pair of deuces.
I'll check to the lady.
Fifty.
I'll stay.
Too steep for me.
I'm in.
$50, and I'll make it $50 more.
I'm in for the $50.
Deal.
Doc...
Queen of clubs.
It's almost morning.
Jack of spades, three tens.
You didn't answer me.
I'll make it $1 00.
Doc!
Go buy yourself a drink.
And I'll raise you $1 00.
Too much for me.
$200 to me.
I'll call you.
I'll go along with the lady.
Four deuces.
Gentlemen, we've been out-classed.
Thank you, gentlemen.
I think I'll call it a night.
Will you cash me in, Frank?
Good night.
Good night, Mayor Kelly.
May I see you home?
No, thank you, Doc.
Good night.
Good night.
How about a little draw, boys?
All right.
I'll get my ante in there.
Good night.
Johnny, I need Luke Short.
Richie Bell and two of his boys held up the bank at Salina.
They killed the cashier.
They're heading this way.
I sent Luke to Abilene, Wyatt.
I'm sorry.
How soon do you have to pull out?
Right away, if I expect to pick up their trail.
Doggone it, Luke's the only one in town who can handle a gun.
What about Charlie Bassett?
Somebody's got to mind the town.
Want a gunhand?
You? I do handle one pretty well.
The only trouble is those best able to testify to my aim aren't around for comment.
I'll take care of it alone.
Suit yourself.
Hold up your right hand.
Do you solemnly swear to uphold...
Oh, this is ridiculous!
You're deputized.
Grab some gear, I'll get the horses.
Now, wait a minute, don't I get to wear a tin star?
Not on your life!
Medicine.
For a smart gambler, you sure play sucker odds.
You're going to be dead inside of a year.
What do you know about odds, preacher?
This kind of cough doesn't go away.
Why don't you get out of those stinking saloons?
Pack up and go live in the mountains.
Not me.
You're just ornery enough to live to a ripe old age.
No, I'm not going to let it drain me out slow.
Sure.
Play it hard and fast.
Listen, Wyatt, the only thing I'm really scared of is dying in bed.
I don't want to go little by little.
Someday, somebody's got to out-shoot me, and it'll be over with real quick.
Earp, I didn't come along to hear you preach a sermon.
You know, I've been wondering about that.
Why did you come?
Well, if I stick around long enough, sooner or later you've gotto put your head in a noose.
I'm going to bail you out.
I've only got one debt in this world, and I don't like owing it to you.
You don't owe me a thing.
I've never needed anybody in my life, and I sure don't need Doc Holliday.
You're pretty positive about that.
As far as I'm concerned, you can get on your horse and keep riding.
No, thanks.
I think I'll stay.
You know, Wyatt, you and I are pretty much alike, actually.
Both of us live with a gun.
The only differenceis that badge.
What's the matter, preacher?
Don't you like being preached at?
Shut up and go to sleep.
Richie Bell won't be robbing any more banks.
I thought you were asleep.
No, it figured.
Let's head back to Dodge.
I want to get in a bed.
What for?
They're not going any place.
Neither are we.
I'm getting some sleep.
Get out of those stinking saloons.
Pack up, live in the mountains.
Charlie.
Hi.
I'll go in and fix up a coroner's report.
Thanks a lot, Doc.
You and I are even.
Not yet.
Not until the debt's paid in full, Marshal.
I hear you did some pretty fancy shooting, Doc.
Well, it's... all in a day's work for a deputy.
You all right?
Find Kate and tell her to come up to the hotel right away, will you?
Kate hasn't been around for a while, Doc.
What do you mean?
I mean nobody's seen her on this side of town since you rode out.
Should I get a doctor?
Good morning, Laura.
Well, I never thought I'd be glad to see you.
Something wrong?
My horse has gone lame.
Right forefoot.
Hoof's split.
Better not ride him in.
853 00:48:19,560 -- 00:48:20,820 Aw...
Leave him here, he won't go far.
I'll send the blacksmith out.
Nice you happened along.
I didn't happen along.
I know you ride out this way every day.
Come on, I'll give you a ride into town.
Unless you'd rather walk six miles.
Better hold on tight.
Tighter.
Doc, what are you doing up this time of day?
It's only 3:00.
I'm on a health bender.
Up before noon, take a 20-yard walk.
What's the action here?
Uh, picking up the hardware as soon as the cowboys hit town.
Sure don't look like Bat's going to get back with our deputies soon enough.
Where's Kate?
Where is she, Charlie?
Well, it's...
kind of touchy, Doc.
I... 
I...
Yes?
You promised Wyatt there wouldn't be any gunplay, Doc.
Now, you can't...
Where is she, Charlie?
Wally's Hotel.
Ringo blew into town, and Kate's taken up with him.
Sure is a lot of beef coming in here.
This is just the beginning.
Wait till the...
Look, Doc, a gunfight right now could cause Wyatt a lot of trouble.
A lot of trouble.
Sure is a mess of cattle here.
Get out and stay out, you no-good tramp!
And don't come back!
891 00:51:58,940 -- 00:52:02,310 Widened my mind...
My mind is to marry, love, and leave you behind.
So you got homesick.
Well, well.
If it ain't the little deputy.
You've been gone for three days.
I didn't think you'd notice.
You've been gallivanting all over the country with Mr. Virtue.
I was sick, Kate.
I needed you.
Why don't you put a rope around my neck and... and pull on it when you want me?
Can't stay away.
Just can't stay away, can you?
Oh, leave me alone, Doc.
Always got to crawl back to your gutter.
Maybe I wouldn't if you ever noticed I was alive!
What difference does it make to you where I go or who I take up with?
Shut up!
Get your things together, you're leaving.
She's staying here.
Keep out of this, Ringo.
You got no right to come busting in here.
I'm talking to Kate.
Take a walk.
Anything you got to say, you can say in front of him.
You slut.
Wait a minute, Holliday.
You don't talk to my woman like that.
"Your woman."
Anybody's woman.
I'm going to blast you apart.
I don't have a gun, Ringo.
You got one now.
Reach.
I'm not fighting.
He won't fight.
He promised Wyatt Earp he'd be a good little boy.
I heard you made your reputation against a bunch of drunks.
Go on, reach.
I'm not fighting.
Well, have a drink, then.
Oh, Doc.
It was a lovely dance.
I'm sorry I have to leave so soon.
You're breaking a lot of hearts.
942 00:55:12,670 -- 00:55:13,800 Good night, Mayor Kelly.
Good night, Miss Denbow.
May I take you somewhere?
No, thank you, it's just a short way.
It's early, and I have to ride up to the bluffs.
Oh, it is lovely here.
I'm glad I came.
You've lost your poker face.
You look like a scared little girl.
I'm not scared.
And I'm certainly not a little girl.
Why did you come out here with me?
I wish I could answer that.
I don't know.
I'll tell you why you came.
Frisky bunch, eh, Ringo?
Yeah.
This ought to learn 'em once and for all who owns the cow towns!
Yeah.
Shanghai Pierce is in town.
His men are hoo-hawing Front Street.
Now, see if you find Wyatt, quick as you can and get some help.
I'll try to hold them off.
I don't want anybody out there on the streets!
Pierce, call off your men before somebody gets hurt.
Tell your boss I'm waiting for his personal invitation.
You're under arrest, Pierce.
You hear that, Ringo?
I'm under arrest.
I heard.
Sure are noisy.
Sure are.
Let's quit.
I want to get out of here.
You just keep dealing.
I'm not breaking this run.
Hit me.
Doc, please.
Deal.
Well... what have we here?
A dance.
Now, ain't that nice?
You folks going to invite us in?
Ain't very hospitable, are they, Boss?
You better get that scum of yours south of the deadline.
You hear that, boys?
These are respectable folks.
They're good enough to take our money.
I say my men are good enough to dance with your women.
My boys want to dance!
Piano player, make some music!
Make it lively!
Hello, Shanghai.
Well...
Now my day is complete.
You and me are going to settle for this scar you gave me in Wichita.
Unbuckle your guns, boys, and come on down to the calaboose with me.
You better start praying, Earp.
You pulled your last bluff.
Start thinking straight, Shanghai, before you get into too much trouble and you can't get out of it.
Let's work him over, Boss.
That's a real good idea.
Maybe your friends would like to see how tough you really are.
I'd like to see you do a dance, Marshal.
That's mighty brave talk, Shanghai, with 20 men behind you.
Let's you and me step out into the street, alone.
Oh, no, you don't sucker me into that!
Can't bluff your way out, huh?
All right, boys, take this skunk.
You gentlemen made such a racket,
Frank Loving was too scared to deal.
You busted my winning streak.
Fun's over, boys.
Unbuckle 'em.
Let's shoot it out.
All right, Shanghai?
Go ahead, draw, all of you.
But you get it first, Shanghai.
And you second, Ringo.
Well, call the play.
I'll give you five seconds to unbuckle your guns.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
We had enough fun, boys.
Unbuckle 'em.
Harry, Jackson, get the hardware.
Get moving.
Doc!
Anybody else want to try their luck?
Get moving.
Come on, keep moving!
All of you!
All right, Doc, we ain't finished yet.
You would have been, but I feel in a charitable mood tonight.
Keep moving, come on.
Kelly, take them down and lock them up for the night.
You heard the marshal.
Come on, let's get moving!
I don't suppose you want my thanks.
Let's just say my account is paid in full.
And don't take it personal, Marshal.
Mornin', Doc.
Good morning.
Just thought you'd like to know, there's going to be one less lawman in the territory.
That's always good news to me.
I'm heading for California, buying a ranch, taking your good advice-- getting out while there's time.
Smart man.
Laura's coming with me.
We're getting married in a few days.
We'd like you to come to the wedding, Doc, if it doesn't interfere with your poker.
I'm not good at weddings, only funerals.
Deal me out.
Wyatt...
You know, she's a real lady.
I wish you both a lot of happiness.
Ah, you're lucky to be getting out of this country.
Why don't you try your luck?
Mmm...
32 00:01:55,670 -- 00:01:56,800 So long, Doc.
Take me back, Doc?
Please?
Give me another chance.
Please, take me back.
I'll do anything you say.
I don't care how you treat me.
Doc, I'm sorry for what I done.
It's not your fault, Kate.
It's not my fault.
It's not anybody's fault.
It's just the way the cards fall.
Never gave you much of a chance, did I?
Well, maybe it could have been different if I was right to you, but...
It ain't too late, Doc.
I'll be good to you, I promise.
It's too late for both of us.
Do something better for yourself while you've still got the chance.
Don't let me go, Doc.
Don't let me go back there.
Leave me alone, just... 
leave me alone.
I'll see you dead.
Hiya, Wyatt.
Charlie.
You got a letter from the Attorney General.
What's he got to say?
He says he can get you an appointment as U.S. marshal anytime you want it.
"Wyatt Earp, United States marshal"-- that's all I need.
These are all dead, Charlie.
Oh, before I forget...
This is yours now.
I'm through as a lawman for good.
Oh, you got a telegram, too.
Read it.
Virgil's my brother.
He's in trouble, he needs me.
Try to understand, Laura.
I understand I was foolish to fall in love.
Oh, if only I could...
Wyatt, when I first met you,
I told you I wouldn't follow you from town to town, sitting in the darkness, waiting for someone to bring the news you've been killed;
I won't live that way.
We're not going to start a life together with a gun in your hand.
I swear to you, Laura,
I'm through after Tombstone.
You'll never be through.
Your reputation will follow you wherever you are.
Laura, he's my brother...
And I'm to be your wife.
Don't ask me to let him down.
Don't let me down.
I'd give up anything, I'd go anywhere for you.
I'll work beside you in the fields.
But you've got to meet me halfway.
I must go to Tombstone.
All right, go, clean up Tombstone.
There's a hundred more Tombstones on the frontier, all waiting for the great Wyatt Earp.
Go on, clean them all up.
Go on!
I love you, Laura.
I love you, Wyatt.
Ride on... ride on...
To hell... and gone...
Wyatt's heart was sad;
he'd give all he had
To stay... stay on...
Wyatt's lady fair, he left her crying there
He broke his vow and rode away to Tombstone.
Good afternoon, Marshal.
Out for a little ride?
About 700-miles-worth:
Tombstone.
Tombstone, huh?
I was headin' that way myself.
Understand the climate down there may be better for my cough.
Since when have you gotten interested in your health?
Well, it's really a matter of finances;
the deck's gone cold here, nobody'll give me any play.
Mind if I ride along?
It's a free country, hop on.
Where's your gear?
Boot Hill
On a hill, on a hill
Boot Hill
In the air, there's a chill, there's a chill
So cold
Mighty cold, mighty cold, mighty cold
So still
Mighty still, mighty still, mighty still
Will the Doc and his friend, will both of them end
In the graveyard that's known as Boot Hill?
Whoa! 
Whoa! 
Whoa!
Well, thanks for the ride.
Sell my horse, and get a good price.
Doc.
I know, no knives, no guns, no killing, huh?
Man, that's good.
I just about forgot what a home-cooked meal tastes like.
Betty, I'm going to steal you away from Virgil.
By golly, Wyatt, you're going to be the only single one left.
I got a family going in Deadwood.
Even little Jimmy here is tying the knot when he gets back to California.
What do you mean, "Little Jimmy"?
I'll be 1 9 next month.
Nineteen.
Say, when are you going to get hitched, Wyatt?
Cigar?
There's the signal for women and children to leave the room.
Come on, Tommy, it's your bedtime now.
Oh, Mom, do I have to?
Yes, you do.
Your uncles will all be here tomorrow.
Good night, Uncle Wyatt.
Good night, Tommy.
Good night, Uncle Morgan.
Good night, son.
Good night, Uncle James.
Good night, Tommy.
Good night, Daddy.
Good night, son.
It's nice to have you here.
I only wish it were under happier circumstances.
She seems pretty upset.
Well, she's been asking me for a year to quit marshaling.
You know how women are.
All right, now let's get down to business.
Now, Morgan and Jimmy know the setup here.
Now, Wyatt, you know Ike Clanton.
He has a ranch outside city limits.
Yes, I know.
He's organized the toughest bunch of gunslingers you ever laid eyes on, and he owns the county sheriff.
Who is he?
Cotton Wilson.
Cotton Wilson.
So Ike paid off on his deed.
Clanton's been rustling Mexican cattle by the thousands.
And he has to move them, but he can only ship them out of Tombstone, and he can't do that while we control the city.
That's about it.
He's organized and he's mean.
We can't keep him out of Tombstone forever.
What about the people of Tombstone?
John Clum, editor of the "Epitaph,"
and some of the leading citizens will back us if they know you're calling the shots.
We're all agreed, Wyatt, you should run the show.
There's only one thing that bothers me and I'm going to speak my piece now.
There's going to be a lot of bad talk about you riding with Doc Holliday.
What about Holliday?
He's the worst killer on the frontier, that's what about him.
It just don't look good, you coming here with him.
Holliday saved my life in Dodge City;
I don't forget that.
What's more, he's a man of his word.
As long as he plays his cards straight and keeps out of killings, we got no right to run him out of town.
I didn't know you two were a team.
We're not.
It's just a case of square deal.
Holliday stays.
All right, Wyatt, he's your responsibility.
That suits me fine.
Now, do we have a map of the county here?
Now, the first thing we got to do is let the Clantons know that the city is closed to them.
Then we got to control the county.
Now, that's important.
I'm going to get a letter off to a man tonight who'll take care of that little matter for us.
Now, show me where the Clanton ranch is.
Here.
Hello, Cotton, I've been expecting you.
You're looking fine.
Real prosperous.
Oh, I ain't complaining.
What's on your mind?
229 00:13:33,270 -- 00:13:36,030 Wyatt, Ike wants to make you a deal.
He promises no trouble if you'll let him ship his cattle out of Tombstone.
Well, that's mighty nice of Ike.
Ike is a nice fella.
He's got a fortune tied up in cattle out there at the ranch, and he's going to move them.
Oh, he is, huh?
There's $20,000 in it for you-- cash.
$20,000.
The wages of sin are rising.
$20,000 against a six-foot hole in Boot Hill, or a $20-a-month pension if you live long enough to collect it.
I've thought about those things.
You know, Cotton, this is a nice little town.
A good place to set awhile.
I might even run for county sheriff in a couple of months.
That don't scare me at all.
I got mine.
I got a ranch now and $25,000 in the bank.
And you know something?
It don't bother my sleep, not one bit.
It would mine, though.
Why don't you get off that pulpit, Wyatt?
Ellsworth, Wichita, Dodge City, and what have they got you but a life full of misery and a woman who walked out on you and the friendship of a killer.
Take this message back to your boss.
So that's the way he wants it, huh?
He aims to pull the town out from under you, Ike.
I immediately raised my hat
And finally she remarked:
I'll never shall forget
That lovely afternoon"
I met her at the fountain in the park.
A long time, Ike.
Too long.
Hello, Ringo.
Still renting your gun to the highest bidder? Ain't you a little young to be packing a gun, son?
Why don't you try me?
Going someplace?
We're taking in the show, Marshal.
Any objections?
No, as soon as you check in your side arms.
Why don't you check it in for me, Marshal?
Stop!
You boys know my brothers.
Meet John Clum, head of the Citizens' Committee.
You're a marked man, Wyatt.
There's no place in this town for you, Ike.
The next time you ride in armed, you ride out feet first.
28700:16:36,750 -- 00:16:37,910 Now get moving.
Here comes trouble.
Who is she?
She's Kate Fisher.
She just couldn't stay away.
Four blues.
Call them, you suckers.
Barkeep, some whiskey down here.
Leave the bottle.
Two pairs.
Aces up.
Hey, Doc, what have you got?
Three tres.
Nice town, huh, Kate?
Well, well, well.
If it ain't the little deputy.
Doc, you deal.
Ain't you gonna say hello to an old friend?
Draw.
Give me some crème de menthe.
Hey, little deputy... would you like to have another drink with me?
You're drunk, Ringo.
It's the way you made your reputation, wasn't it... against drunks?
Get your gun.
I'll meet you in the street in five minutes.
I'll be there.
I said I'd see you dead.
What kind of a sucker play is this?
It's all Clanton needs to start a war.
Look, I've had it up to here.
If you want to play patty-cake with him, go ahead.
Give me your gun, Doc.
You've got no right packing it.
Now, you can... you can thank God you're Wyatt Earp's brother.
Holliday, if you think anything about Wyatt, you'll get out of here.
Having a killer like you around is the worst thing that can happen to him.
I hear you're leaving Tombstone.
You hear good.
I'm taking the stage tomorrow.
I kind of thought this climate was good for your cough.
Listen, preacher, being here has caused me a lot of embarrassment.
Some people are even taking me as a lawman.
You're not leaving on my account?
Your account?
You've got nothing to do with my leaving.
Good luck, Doc.
Too bad we won't be in on the finish together.
Hi, Wyatt.
Here's that letter you've been waiting for.
Who do we got here?
Young Clanton passed out drunk at the Alhambra.
Throw him in the tank and let him sleep it off.
Hold it a minute.
John, how long is it going to take you to get those men you promised me?
Anytime you say.
I think I'll take a little trip out to the Clanton ranch.
Are you crazy?
!
I don't think so.
Well, take your gun.
This is all the ammunition I'll need.
If I'm not back in a couple of hours, Virg, have Clum's Citizens' Committee drag my carcass out.
Whoa, whoa.
Billy!
He's all right, ma'am, just got himself a little liquored up.
All right, on your feet.
Billy! 
You get in the house.
I don't know what I'm going to do with that boy.
Way he's going now, he's going to end up like his father, shot down for stealing cattle.
You think you're pretty tough, don't you, son?
I never saw a gunslinger yet so tough he lived to celebrate his 35th birthday.
I learned one rule about gunslingers:
There's always a man faster on the draw than you are, and the more you use a gun the sooner you're going to run into that man.
You think I don't know what's inside of you.
I had a couple of big brothers.
They fought in the Civil War and I was too young to go.
I tried to live up to them the same way you're trying to live up to Ike and Finn.
You know about that, huh?
You can bet I know about that.
It's not that I want to be a gunfighter, exactly.
It's just... 
I don't know, sometimes I get lonely.
All gunfighters are lonely.
They live in fear.
They die without a dime or a woman or a friend.
You know, I never thought about it like that.
Well, think about it, think about it.
Billy, listen to the marshal.
I won't do it no more, Ma.
Oh, Billy...
What are you doin' here?
Brought your kid brother home, drunk.
You should be proud, real proud.
You'd better get riding'.
I wouldn't do that, Ike.
Some of my friends in Tombstone might begin to worry if I'm not back soon.
That don't cut no ice with me, Wyatt.
You're out of your territory this time.
Am I?
My appointment, United States marshal.
Sorry to disappoint you.
Now, wait a minute, Wyatt,
I'm not lookin' for a fight, but you got to stop pushing' me.
Now, why don't we sit down and talk it over?
I'll make you any kind of deal you ask.
The only deal I want is for you to run that stolen herd back to Mexico.
Hyah!
Did you see the judge?
I seen him.
Well?
There's no legal way you can keep a United States marshal out of the county.
Judge was packin' up to leave when I got there.
I think it's about time we all pack up and leave, Ike.
Shut up, Frank.
Only one thing we can do.
We didn't have no trouble till that Wyatt Earp got here.
You're makin' sense now, Ike.
All right... we got no choice.
We'll ambush him tonight.
Ain't you forgettin' about the rest of the Earps?
Now, look, we can handle the Earps 431 00:28:14,880 -- 00:28:16,750 if we make this a personal fight.
What if they bring in Clum?
!
They won't, they're too proud.
They're going to come to us the way we want.
It's a law-- bigger than any law on the books-- family pride.
We'll get that Wyatt when he makes his late round.
Don't make no difference to me.
Tired?
Yeah, I guess I must have dozed a little.
Betty sent some coffee.
Well, that's going to hit the spot.
It's awful quiet.
Too quiet.
Wyatt, do you figure we're going to have to fight it out with the Clantons?
I wish I knew, Jimmy.
Maybe Ike will see how hopeless it all is.
You itching to get back to California?
I think about it all the time.
She must be quite a girl.
Yes, she is.
Well...
I better get to work.
Look, how about letting me make the rounds for you tonight?
I get awful lonesome sitting here with nothing to do but think.
Sure, you go ahead.
I could use some sleep.
At least, when I'm making the rounds, it gives me something else to think about.
Ike's called the play.
We'll do it his way now.
Don't do that, Wyatt, that's what they want.
Don't let them push you into a personal fight.
That's mighty funny coming from you.
You're a lawman, Wyatt-- don't throw away a lifetime's work.
Where's your logic?
To hell with logic.
That's my brother lying there.
Who is it?
Open the door!
Start talkin', Kate.
Doc... 
I don't know nothin' about it.
Talk.
Why?
What difference does it make now?
I sure messed everything up real good, ain't I?
I wanted you back, and because I love you... and... 
I...
I thought if Wyatt was out of the way you'd come back to me.
And that's... that's why I kept quiet when I... when I heard them.
I must have been out of my mind.
Where?
The Clanton ranch.
Who was there?
I didn't want that boy to be killed!
Who was there?
Ike, the kid... 
Cotton Wilson and the McLowerys.
And Ringo?
Was Ringo there?
!
Yes...
Ringo was there.
No, Doc...
Don't, Doc.
Don't, please don't, Doc.
Doc!
Please don't, Doc.
Please don't kill me.
Please...
Please!
Please!
Don't kill me!
Doc?
Doc!
Doc!
Oh, Doc.
It's all right, honey.
It's all right, honey.
Wyatt?
Ike sent me.
I didn't have nothin' to do with it.
I didn't know nothin' about...
You got to believe me, you got to.
I guess it's just because your name is Clanton.
Ike sent me to see you.
He wants to meet with you and your family, personal.
I've been expecting it.
With no interference from Clum.
You have my word.
How many men is he bringing?
Six.
There'll be Ike and Finn and...
Ringo and the McLowerys.
Where and when?
Sunup at OK Corral.
You tell Ike we'll be there.
You said six.
I'll be coming with 'em.
Don't do it, Billy.
Give yourself a chance to live.
No, I thought about it.
I thought real hard about it.
No, sir, I can't run.
Ike and Finn are my brothers.
You understand that, don't you?
Yes, Billy, I understand that.
How can you sit there like you're playing checkers?
How can you sit there like that?
What's the matter with you?
Why don't you go to John Clum and ask for some help?
I told you, this is not Clum's affair.
This is personal, between us and...
Ike Clanton.
But you're lawmen...
548 00:38:29,300 -- 00:38:31,290 you are lawmen, all three of you.
You have no right to put yourselves above the safety of this town.
not to your own pride.
Proud, proud men.
Look at you...
look at the proud men.
Morgan, does your wife know she'll be a widow tomorrow?
I think you'd better leave the room.
Virgil, your son wants to kiss you goodnight.
See you in the morning.
558 00:40:42,830 -- 00:40:46,430 Doc, wake up.
Doc, it's me, Wyatt.
Wake up, do you hear me?
You drunken sot.
I need you, Doc.
Don't let me down.
Wake up, do you hear me?
!
Wake up!
Leave him alone.
Can't you see he's dying?
Leave them alone.
Doc.
How do you feel?
The fight's this morning... isn't it?
Well...
I don't know.
Doc, you can't.
You can't.
Doc, you can't!
You can't even stand up!
You're going to die for sure, if you go out there.
If I'm going to die, at least let me die with the only friend I ever had.
We don't make no difference, huh?
You and I... we don't matter, Kate.
We haven't mattered since the day we were born.
Get the horses around back.
All right.
Get going, Cotton.
Frank.
Take the rifle, get inside the wagon.
Up front.
Morgan and Virgil are waiting.
Ike wants to talk to you alone.
He's unarmed.
Wait a minute, Wyatt.
Kate told me about the killing of your brother.
It was the Clantons all right... and you were in on it.
I had nothing to do with it.
59900:47:59,530 -- 00:48:00,830 Get back where you belong.
Believe me, Wyatt...
Get back with your friends.
They're coming.
They got Doc Holliday with them.
Holliday, huh?
Cotton, you get over with the horses.
Ike...
I can't take this kind of gunplay anymore.
Let me out.
Get over there.
Seven of them, with Cotton.
I only see six.
Spread.
Frank...
Hit the dirt!
Cover me.
Shotgun!
You all right?
All right...
All right.
Cotton, you chicken-livered, miserable...
They killed my brother!
Tom, stay back, you fool!
They killed my brother!
Come on, Earp!
I'll kill you!
Come out and get it, Earp!
Earp! 
Come out and get it!
Virg.
Hurt bad?
Yeah, my le... my legs.
Doc?
I'll take care of Ringo.
Billy?
Throw down your gun and come on out.
Give up, boy, you haven't got a chance!
Come in and get me.
Come in and get me!
Don't make me do it, boy.
Don't make me do it.
I'm shoving off, Doc.
How are the brothers?
Coming along fine.
They're going to be all right.
Another glass, Joe.
I just want you to know
I'd have never made it without you.
Where are you heading?
California.
Laura?
I don't know;
I hope so.
She'll be waiting.
Will you listen to me for just once?
Will you get up to that hospital in Denver?
At this rate, you can't last more than a couple of months.
You crazy?
And give up this winning streak?
I'll see you around.
So long, preacher.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Hello, Doc.
Hi, Doc.
What's the name of this game?
Boot Hill
Boot Hill, Boot Hill, Boot Hill
Boot Hill
In the air, there's a chill, there's a chill
So cold
Mighty cold, mighty cold, mighty cold
So still
Mighty still, mighty still, mighty still
There they lay, side by side,
The killers that died in the gunfight at OK Corral
OK...
OK
Corral...
Corral
OK... 
Corral
Gunfight at OK Corral!

This is a true story.
How often have you seen that statement at the beginning of a picture?
It sometimes means that there was a man named Napoleon, but that any similarity between what he did in life and what he's going to do in this movie is strictly miraculous.
Well, this is a true story, about a sweet, rather baffled young housewife, who, in 1951, in her hometown in Georgia, suddenly frightened her husband by behaving very unlike herself.
There's nothing unique in that.
We all have moods.
We all have a secret yen to behave like somebody we particularly admire.
A modern writer has said that inside every fat man, a thin man is struggling to get out.
Well, in a literal and terrifying sense, inside this demure young woman two very vivid and different personalities were battling for the mastery of her character.
She was, in fact, a case of what is called "multiple personality", something that all psychiatrists have read about and very few have ever seen.
Certainly not Dr Thigpen and Dr Cleckley, of the Medical College of Georgia, who one day were confronted with a woman who had one personality more than Dr Jekyll.
Their account of the case was delivered to the American Psychiatric Association in 1953, and it's already a classic of psychiatric literature.
So this movie needed no help from the imagination of a fiction writer.
The truth itself was fabulous enough.
And all the episodes you're going to see happened to this girl they call Eve White, and much of the dialogue is taken from the clinical record of the doctor we call Dr Luther.
The date is August 20th, 1951.
(woman) Come in.
- Mrs White?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Dr Luther.
- Yes?
Mrs White is here. 
The lady Dr Watkins wrote to you about.
- Ask her to come in, will you?
- Yes, Doctor.
Will you come in, please?
- How do you do, Mrs White?
- How do you do?
- Come in. 
Sit here, will you?
- Thank you.
Mr White.
Let's see.
Thank you.
Dr Watkins is a very old friend of mine.
How long have you known him?
He's the doctor we go to.
He's a very able man. 
Very able.
Let's see. 
He says you've been troubled with very bad headaches.
Yes, sir, terrible ones.
- And some sort of spells?
- Yes, sir.
What kind of spell?
I don't know. I'm not exactly sure.
What happens when you have one?
Is it, uh, what they say, uh... amnesia?
Well, amnesia means loss of memory.
Is that what happens to you?
Yes, I guess that's it.
- How often does this happen?
- Sometimes twice a week now.
- And the headaches, what about them?
- Same thing.
- They happen at the same time?
- Yes, sir.
First I get this terrible headache and then I get this spell.
Now, when you say "spell", do you mean you faint or anything like that?
No, sir, it's not like fainting'. 
It's more like...
Well, it's like the other day I was playing out in the back yard with Bonnie and all of a sudden I got this splitting headache and then the next thing I knew,
I mean, the next thing I was conscious of, it was the next morning.
- Who's Bonnie?
- Oh, that's my little girl.
- How old is she?
- She's four and a half.
- Your only child?
- Yes, sir.
- I lost another baby about four months ago.
- I see.
And you have no recollection at all of what happened?
Where you were or what you did between the time you were playing in the back yard and the next morning?
No, sir, I don't.
Were you at home at the time?
I was there as soon as I come home from work.
Yes?
I didn't see much different in her.
Well, did you see any difference?
I guess not. 
Nothing you could say was really different.
For several weeks Mrs White was greatly helped by the psychiatric treatment.
She had fewer headaches and they were less severe.
She had no more blackout spells - at least, none that she was aware of.
But not quite a year later, several things happened that showed her to be in urgent need of help.
The first alarm was sounded around noontime of a spring day in 1952.
Anybody home?
Oh, hey. 
Just a minute while I hang out the wash.
- Where's Bonnie?
- Here I am.
- Hi, sugar.
- l'm wearing Mom's shoes.
Mommy will tan your britches if she finds you.
This one hurts.
- Where'd you get these?
- They're Mommy's.
- Where'd she get'em?
- The postman brought them today
- with the dresses.
- What dresses?
On the bed.
Evie?
- Let me have them.
- No! 
I wanna wear 'em. 
Mommy said I could!
Mommy! 
Mommy! 
Mommy!
What's the idea of all this?
Didn't you buy'em?
What do you mean, didn't I buy'em?
Didn't you?
No, I thought you did.
I thought it was sweet, but I...
It's got your name on it.
You know I wouldn't buy anything like that, Ralph.
- $218.
- That's what I mean, they cost that much.
- Where'd they get your name?
- I don't know. 
I thought you did it.
I mean, I thought you bought 'em for me.
But I was gonna make you take 'em back because I knew it was too much.
I'll say it's too much.
You had me scared there for a minute.
I guess they just must have made some kind of mistake, that's all.
Well, I'll call'em.
- Is this the Beehive Store?
- Yes, sir. 
Is there anrthing I can do for you?
- Is this Miss Effie?
- Who is this?
It's Ralph White.
For goodness sakes, I thought you and Evie would be on your way to Hollywood by now.
- Hollywood?
- With all those pretty things Evie bought.
You ought to be proud of how she looks in those dresses.
Especially that lilac one.
I'm bringing'em all back this afternoon.
(Eve) Bonnie?
- Come on in, honey, and wash your hands.
- Tell her not to come in yet.
- What's the matter?
- Tell her I'll call her.
Never mind, honey.
I'll call you when we're ready.
Shut that door.
Hurry up.
Come here.
Will you come here?
I got a good mind to slap your face.
- What'd they say?
- What kind of dope do you think I am?
I don't know what you're talkin' about.
What did you think I was gonna do? 
Nothing?
Let you get away with it? 
218 bucks!
- I didn't buy'em.
- You mean Miss Effie Blandford's a liar?
- She said I bought 'em?
- She didn't say nothin' else.
I don't see how she could.
You mean to tell me you didn't try on those dresses?
I haven't been in the Beehive in months.
Sometimes I don't know whether you're crazy or you think I am.
Are they gonna take 'em back?
I'll pack'em up for you.
- l'll do it.
- Let me.
You heard me. 
I said I'd do it.
(Bonnie) I'm hungry, Mommy.
(screams)
Evie!
(shrieks)
It's all right, honey.
(wails)
It's OK. 
You'll be all right.
It's all right, honey.
Don't get up.
I'll kill you if you get up.
- I didn't do it.
- But I saw her.
I didn't do it.
How can she say a thing like that when I saw her with my own eyes?
- You mean you don't remember doing it.
- I didn't do it.
- I suppose you didn't buy those clothes?
- l'd die before I'd hurt Bonnie.
Why do you suppose Ralph says things like that if they're not true?
- I love her too much.
- You wouldn't come home last month.
She went to Atlanta and then wouldn't come home cos she was havin' too big a time.
When I went up to get her, she cussed me and said she never would come home.
- How about how much you loved her then?
- Will you let me talk to her alone?
She wouldn't come home to me or to Bonnie.
We'll just be a few minutes.
You didn't answer my question, Mrs White.
That's not true, what he said.
What's not true?
- I haven't been to Atlanta in nearly a year.
- That's what I mean.
Why do you think he says things like that if they're not true?
- I don't know.
- But he'd have to have some reason to do it.
- Yes, sir, I suppose so.
- Have you thought what that might be?
- I thought of one.
- What was that?
Maybe he wants to get Bonnie away from me.
- Do you mean by divorce?
- No, sir, maybe not that.
But maybe he can make me believe I'm losing my mind.
- Is that what you think he's trying to do?
- I don't know what else it could be.
- Am I?
- I find no evidence of it.
- But you're not positive.
- I couldn't be positive of anything so quickly.
But the fact you may be having spells of amnesia doesn't mean that you're what you call losing your mind. 
Doesn't mean that at all.
It's no use.
Cos I am. 
You don't want to tell me, but I know it now.
How do you know it, Mrs White?
Because now I'm hearin' voices too.
What kind of voices?
Just one voice.
But that's what that means, doesn't it?
- How long has this been going on?
- For months.
Why didn't you tell me this before?
What does this voice say to you?
She tells me to do things.
A woman's voice?
Can you recognise it in any way?
No, sir.
It sounds familiar sometimes, but I don't really recognise it.
What does this voice tell you to do?
To do things like... 
leave Ralph, take Bonnie and run away.
All kind of terrible things like that.
That is what it means, isn't it?
No, not in your case.
- But that's what everybody says.
- And in most cases they'd be right.
It's a serious manifestation, the hearing of voices.
But the difference in your case is this:
you've been frightened by this voice because you recognise it as a symptom of illness.
People who are actually losing their minds rarely find anything extraordinary about hearing voices.
They almost invariably assume it's some sort of extra privilege that they enjoy, like personal radio reception or a built-in radar.
Yeah, but what if sometimes it...
it sounds like my own voice?
Your own voice?
- Doesn't make any difference.
- Yes, it does.
You just don't wanna tell me, but it does, I...
Mrs White?
Hi.
Feeling better now?
I feel fine.
- What was it? 
A headache?
- No, I didn't have no headache.
She had one, but I didn't.
- "She"?
- You got a nice place around here.
Oh, she always gets those headaches when I wanna come out.
I think she's a real dope, don't you?
- Who are you talking about?
- Eve White.
It's these hose.
They're nylon and I'm allergic to nylon.
I think I'll take'em off.
You don't mind, do you?
If you like.
I think you'd better turn around, though.
You're kinda cute, but I don't think I know you that well.
Maybe sometime, though, huh?
- Hey, you like to go dancin'?
- Sometimes.
Would you like to go dancin' with me?
OK, you can turn around now.
- So you're not Eve White?
- I certainly am not.
Maybe one night this week.
You can tell your wife you gotta see a patient.
- And do what?
- And go dancin'.
I bet you're a real cute dancer.
I doubt if my wife would agree, but back to the point - if you're not Eve White, who are you?
Now what are you trying to do, kid me?
Seems more likely you're trying to kid me.
I'm Eve Black. 
You know that.
- You mean that was your maiden name?
- That's still my name.
I've never been married.
That's for laughs, gettin' married.
- What about Ralph?
- You don't think I'd marry ajerk like that?
And Bonnie isn't your child?
Not while I'm in my right mind she isn't.
Boy, what fat books.
Hey, is this radio working?
You got a back door to your office.
We could get out without him seeing.
- Will you excuse me?
- You're not gonna tell him, are you?
I'll be right back. 
You wait here.
It's up too high.
Excuse me. I'll be right back.
Is that her?
- Ever had a case of multiple personality?
- No.
Do you think you'd recognise one if you saw one?
I don't know. I'm not so sure.
But I can tell you this, I'll bet ya I can spot a fake as far as I can see one.
- Whom do you suspect?
- Mrs White. 
Mrs Eve White.
- That dreary little woman?
- That's the one.
(music louder)
Everything all right?
Oh, hi. 
Got your buddy with you, huh?
- May I turn this off?
- Oh, sure. 
What did I do, scare you?
- You remember Dr Day?
- Sure. 
Hi.
- How are you, Mrs White?
- That's what you think.
- This is Miss Eve Black, Doctor.
- How do you do, Miss Black?
How do you do?
- You don't mind talking to both of us?
- The more there are, the better I like 'em.
And you say you are not Mrs White now?
OK, you wanna hear it again?
I am not Mrs White. 
My name is Eve Black.
Then how does it happen that you remember meeting me?
Cos I know everything that happens to her.
She don't know anything about me, but I know everything about her.
Everything I want to, anyway.
There's some things about her I'm not interested in, like thatjughead out there.
Mr White, she means.
And the thing is, she don't really even care anything about him.
She tells herself she does cos she thinks she ought to.
Don't think I never told her so, too.
- What did you tell her?
- Leave the so-and-so.
Take the kid and beat it.
What can he do about it?
- How did you tell her?
- I yelled at her.
I don't know whether she heard me or not, but I really hollered at her.
Boy, I can tell you, though, I'm gonna fix his wagon.
I ain't gonna go through the rest of my life with that creep.
And you say that Bonnie is not your child?
Oh, now, Doctor. 
How could I have a child if I'm not even married?
You tryin'to insinuate somethin'?
- You mean Ralph never made love to you?
- Boy, I'd like to see him try.
Where were you, then, when Bonnie was born?
It looks like to me that's your problem, Doctor, not mine.
Don't you have any fans in this office?
It's hot in here.
How are you gonna fix Ralph's wagon?
- You really wanna know?
- I do indeed.
I'm gonna come out and I'm gonna stay out.
- Were you ever on the stage, Miss Black?
- No, not exactly on the stage.
But I sang in nightclubs, a lot of 'em.
- Where?
- Well, across the river's one.
- The Big Apple. 
You ever been there?
- No, I'm afraid I haven't.
They're crazy about me at the Big Apple.
Every time I go in there, they ask me to stand up and sing.
Of course, I have to be in the mood to do it, though.
- What kind of mood?
- I have to have a couple of snorts first.
Can you come out, as you call it, whenever you want to?
No. 
I wish I could, but I can't.
Sometimes I can, but sometimes I can't.
But it's getting easier. 
Cos she's gettin' weaker and I'm gettin' stronger.
And one of these days, I'm gonna come out and stay out, just you wait and see.
And can you retire, go back in when you want to?
Sure. 
You know what I done one night?
One night Ralph had to go to Savannah, so I went over to the Big Apple and I got kinda gassed up.
You know what I done the next morning?
I let her have the hangover.
(giggles)
- She's faking.
- Oh, you should have seen her face.
Listen, Mrs White, I regret to have to say this, but I...
Hello, Doctor.
Mrs White?
On May 17th, 1952,
Mrs White was admitted to the psychiatric section of the University Hospital for observation and treatment.
During the first week, her behaviour was excellent. 
There was nothing uneven about it.
But Dr Luther still could not decide when, or even if, to confront her with the knowledge of the personality that she had suppressed.
"Love took up the glass of Time, and turn'd it in his glowing hands;
Every moment, lightly shaken, ran itself in golden sands."
"Love took up the harp of Life, and smote on all the chords with might;
Smote the chord of Self, that, trembling, pass"d in music out of sight."
That's beautiful. I've never heard it before.
Well, I don't really understand what it means.
I just like to read it anyway.
Doesn't have to mean anything in particular.
Good morning.
Would you like to read this one?
"Dear, beauteous Death..."
- Good morning, Doctor.
- Good morning.
- Good morning, Doctor.
- How's it going?
- Oh, I feel much better, thank you.
- She looks better, too, don't you think?
- Yeah, she really does.
- See you later, Mrs White.
- l'll be in the office, Doctor.
- Thanks, Lenny.
- Heard from Ralph?
- He came by for a few minutes yesterday.
- What about Bonnie?
- She's back with my mother and father now.
Tell me something, Mrs White.
Would you say that your marriage, speaking of it as a whole, has been a happy one?
No, sir.
Well, some of it, but not as a whole.
Don't you love Ralph?
Yes, sir.
Then why do you think it hasn't been a happy marriage?
I don't know.
I guess I just haven't been able to make him happy.
I don't know what it is I do that irritates him so much, but I do.
Well, tell me something else.
Have you ever had the feeling that, somewhere deep down inside you, there might be somebody you couldn't quite reach, but that you nevertheless knew was there?
No, sir.
I don't know what you're talkin' about.
- Good night, Doctor.
- Good night.
Hey.
Come here a minute.
Come on. 
I ain't gonna bite ya.
- Got a cigarette?
- Oh, sure.
- Thank you.
- It's all right.
- Why don't you come in for a minute?
- Well, no. 
No, you know the rules.
Aw, come on.
I got a poem for you.
Come on. 
Hm?
I... 
I can't stay long, though.
It's a limerick.
Chicken!
- Dr Luther?
- Yes?
- About Mrs White...
- Yes?
That lady is a whole lot healthier than you think she is, Doctor.
Can you control your emergence?
- Says which?
- I want you not to come out, even if you can.
I'm tired of this place.
- It's a nuthouse.
- It's a hospital.
You don't see any bars or anything like that, do you?
Is she crazy?
No, but you can drive her crazy if you don't behave yourself.
Why? 
I don't know what I have to do with it.
I haven't got anything to do with her.
You're wasting your time with that.
I'm a doctor.
- You're cute, you know that?
- Listen...
Hey, look, why don't you and I go out and have some fun? 
I can slip on somethin'.
Do you wanna be shut up in one of these places for life?
One with bars?
- What do you mean?
- I mean if you get into any trouble at all,
Mrs White will be adjudged crazy, but it'll be both of you that'll be locked up.
But why, if I'm all right?
You're not gonna be subdivided by any court or board I've heard of yet.
Where Mrs White goes, you go. 
And that means into an asylum if she's committed.
An asylum with locked doors and bars and straitjackets. 
Now, is that clear?
I guess so.
Well, it had better be.
Cos that'd be the end of it for you too.
No more dancing, no more... snorts, no more anything.
Ever.
Even if I don't come out, what do you figure to do about it?
I don't know. I'm not sure.
Nobody knows too much about this, because there haven't been too many such cases.
But for a starter... 
I think I'd like to tell Eve White about you.
What do you want to do that for?
- You object?
- Won't that worry her even more?
I thought you didn't care what happened to her.
I don't really.
But I mean, you know, if she worries any more, ain't she liable to go crazy anyway?
I'm afraid that is a possibility, but that's a chance I think we're gonna have to take.
If we're ever gonna reunite these two personalities, to put it simply, I'd say the first logical step to take in that direction would be to introduce 'em to each other.
Introduce 'em? 
Ha!
Doc, you flip me, you really do.
Look. 
I don't have to put on much.
Let's go on out and have a little fun.
Mrs White.
I don't underst...
I had another one, hadn't I?
A little one.
I was hopin'...
I think I'd better tell you as well as I can just what the situation is.
Have you ever heard of multiple personality?
Now all Dr Luther had to do was to explain this situation to Ralph.
- How are you, Ralph?
- Good morning, sir.
- How's Evie?
- Much better now.
- Have you found out what's wrong with her?
- That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
It's a very unusual case.
One of the rarest, in fact, in the history of psychiatry.
You don't say.
Mrs White's problem is what is called multiple personality.
- Yes, sir.
- Have you ever heard of that?
- No, sir, I can't say as I ever have.
- What actually happens is this:
At some point in the past, apparently when she was a little girl, her personality became divided into two different personalities.
In effect, she's now two different women, entirely different in character.
To be more specific about it - the girl you married, Bonnie's mother, the sweet, quiet girl you fell in love with, that's one of the women.
The other is the one that scared Bonnie, the one who bought all those clothes and had that row with you in Atlanta.
You know those headaches and blackout spells?
Well, that was when this other woman, the one who calls herself Eve Black, was trying to get out.
Out of where?
Out of the body. 
Your wife's body.
Well, how do you like that?
But what I want you to understand is that this is an actual mental condition.
It isn't pretending or faking.
She can't help it.
But that doesn't mean she's psychotic.
Crazy.
Do you understand?
No, sir.
Well, let's see if I can put it to you in another way.
In the first place, no one has ever defined the personality as a psychopathological...
- I think you'd better come with me.
- Yes, sir.
(knock on door)
Come in.
- You've got company this morning.
- Hello, honey.
Hi.
- How's Bonnie?
- She's all right.
I asked Ralph to come in so that I could explain the situation to him.
So he'll understand when you leave here.
You know who he is, don't you?
- You mean Ralph?
- Who is he?
Well, he's my husband, of course.
And you're the mother of his child, aren't you?
Of course.
- You're Mrs White? 
That's your name?
- Yes, sir.
All right, now, may I speak with Eve Black?
Of course.
Eve Black?
- Oh, spit!
- You know who this is?
- I sure do.
- Now, just a minute there.
Your husband?
If I have told you once I have told you ten thousand times, I ain't got no husband.
If I was gonna have one, it wouldn't be no lead-bottom like Ralph White.
- What'd you have to tell him for?
- Bonnie isn't your child?
- She's her child and you know it.
- I got a good mind to slap your face.
- l'd like to see you try.
- You ain't foolin' me.
Don't get angry.
Just talk to her and watch her.
And don't use your temper, use your sense about it.
May I speak to Mrs White?
You sure can. 
And don't ever bring me back while that pea-picker's here.
Mrs White?
- Did I go out again?
- Just for a few minutes.
- Evie?
- Eve Black?
- I told you I wasn't gonna talk to him again.
- Mrs White?
After she'd been in the hospital for two weeks, Dr Luther and Dr Day were satisfied that whether she behaved as Eve White or Eve Black, she would do no harm to herself or to others.
So, on 30th May, 1952, they discharged her.
During those two weeks, Ralph had left Bonnie with the grandparents and found for himself a better job in Jacksonville, Florida.
But Mrs White was not to go with him.
For, on the advice of Dr Luther, she decided to stay in town, in a furnished room, for further and more regular treatment.
This decision caused a separation that was to have unexpected consequences.
Might as well get started, I guess.
- Ralph, I'm awful sorry.
- That's all right. 
You couldn't help it.
Breakin' up everything like this.
Well, he can get you well, can't he?
- I hope so.
- Didn't he say?
- No.
- Didn't he say anything?
He said he'd do the best he could.
That's about the only thing he could do.
- Maybe.
- Well, I think he will, honey.
They don't like to promise too much, you know.
- You really think so?
- You know how some of 'em are.
They like to make a big thing out of it so as they look better when they knock it off.
The only trouble, though, I sure am gonna miss Bonnie.
She's OK. 
Your folks will take care of her all right.
You don't have to worry about her.
Yeah, but if I don't get well, I might never see her again.
Stop that, will you? 
Of course you'll see her again, cos you are gonna get well.
I mean, you ain't really crazy, you know.
He told me that hisself.
I mean, I asked him confidentially and he said no.
He said there were nothing the matter with you except this multiplied personality.
And that ain't anywhere near crazy.
Now, he told me that hisself.
You gonna stop worrying now?
- l'll try.
- You do that and you'll be all right.
Goodbye, honey.
I'll send you some more money on Saturday.
Oh, you don't have to do that.
I'm gonna get ajob.
That'd help, but I'll still send you some money.
You take care of yourself, you hear?
(hums)
- I feel like singing.
- So what's stopping you?
All right.
Hey. 
Do you know "Hold Me"?
You got it, pretty woman. 
OK, fellas...
- Stand back, Big Daddy.
- One, two...
(sings "Hold Me')
Oh, wait a minute. 
I forgot my shoes.
Thank you.
- Let's get outta here.
- No, I'm thirsty. 
I want a drink.
- l'll get us a bottle on the way.
- On the way where?
- Hey, how about a snort, tall, dark and ugly?
- Come on. I'll find a place.
What are you talking about?
This place is fine. 
I like it.
Look, I gotta be back to the post by one. 
Let's go.
Are you crazy? 
I'm not going any place with you. 
I don't know what you're talkin' about.
Don't give me that.
I didn't buy you all these drinks for nothing.
All right, I'll go with you some other time.
You're going with me now if you don't want some of this.
Stop it. 
That hurts. 
Let me go.
- See what I mean?
- You hurt me. 
I don't like to get hurt.
You know how much I shelled out on you already? 
Eight bucks' worth.
When I spend eight bucks on a chick, I don'tjust go home with the morning paper.
So let's not have any more arguments about it.
What's the matter with you?
What kind of a gag is this?
Maybe she's sick.
Say, look, honey, I... (sobs)
Ah! 
For the love of Mike.
We missed you Sunday.
Where were you?
- I went up on the bus to see Bonnie.
- l'll bet she was glad to see you.
- Oh, Ralph.
- Hi, Eve.
- Why didn't you let me know?
- I wanted to surprise you.
- Mr Fox, would you excuse us, please?
- Certainly, ma'am.
Siddown, won't you?
You know why I come up here?
I want you to come back with me.
- I can't do that. I'm not well yet.
- Who says you ain't?
Dr Luther. 
I know it's true.
I think it's even worse now.
Is he the one who told you to go out to the Big Apple every night?
That's... that's what I mean.
I didn't know about it.
Thought I wouldn't find out about it, huh?
- I didn't know about it, I tell you.
- You didn't know about it?
You knew enough about it to get ginned up.
You was well enough for that.
Fella I know saw you out there, twice.
Tight as a tick and dancin' and throwing your dress up.
Ralph, now, Dr Luther explained all that to you.
He even showed you. 
You told me so.
Now, look. 
I don't know which one of you is fooling', you or him - but somebody is.
Because I've been askin' people about it.
I asked two doctors, and you know what they said?
They said it looked like somebody was kiddin' somebody.
But, Ralph, it is somethin'. 
Believe me, it is.
Then let it be something in Jacksonville.
Where are your bags? 
Let's get outta here.
If I don't check out of that motel by ten, they'll charge me for another six hours.
I won't leave here until I'm well again, not till I have Bonnie back with me.
OK, we'll get Bonnie and take her with us.
I'm not gonna be alone with her, not till I'm well.
You're not gonna be alone with her?
She tried to hurt Bonnie once before.
She scared her.
Will you cut that out?
I don't wanna hear any more about it.
Why don't you just talk to Dr Luther just for a few minutes?
- No, I already talked to two regular doctors.
- Then I'm not going!
You know what you need?
You need a darned good whipping'.
- Knock some of that nuttiness out of you.
- l'm not goin' and that's all there is to it.
I suppose you'd rather stay here and go to that Big Apple.
Not until Dr Luther tells me I can leave.
And what if I don't want you by then?
Well, I can't help it.
I'm not gonna leave here, not until I'm well.
- You don't want to see Bonnie again?
- Not until I'm well, no.
I wouldn't count on it then either, if I were you.
If you think I'll have people laughing at me, you got another think comin'.
If you were really crazy, it'd be different.
But not this multiplied thing.
So you don't come with me now, that's all there is to it, you understand?
I can't help it, Ralph.
OK, if that's the way you want it.
- (knock on door) 
- Come in.
Hi.
Where'd you get that dress?
You like it?
- Did you buy that yourself?
- Got a lot of skirt, see?
- I never saw that dress before.
- That's because you've been away.
- Why don't you fix me one of them drinks?
- You kiddin'?
Well, don't you wanna give me one?
Well, I never seen you take a drink before.
There are a lotta things you never seen me do before. 
That's no sign I don't do 'em.
Are you gonna fix me one or not?
Don't look like to me you're awful glad to see me.
After comin' up all of this way, too.
Straight.
- You ain't foolin' me.
- I don't know what you're talkin' about.
- I know what you're tryin' to do.
- What?
You're tryin' to make me think you're that... that other one.
- What other one?
- You know what I mean.
You mean you don't even know your own wife when you see her?
You ain't Evie.
You think not?
I never seen Evie do a thing like that in my whole life before.
- You don't like it?
- That ain't the question.
Come here.
Oh, come on. 
Sit down.
Oh, come on. I'm not gonna bite ya.
You know, you're real cute.
- What are you up to?
- Well, I'm not up to a thing.
I just said you were cute.
Something wrong with that?
- No, but I...
- You know, I didn't used to go for you.
But you must be gettin' cuter these days, cos you sure look cute to me now.
Are you really...?
Really what?
I'll be doggoned if I ever saw anything like this in my whole life before.
You ain't mad, are you?
No, I guess not.
You know what you ought to do?
What?
I think you ought to ask me to go to Jacksonville with you.
- I don't think so.
- Well, you asked her.
- I don't know if this is the same thing or not.
- You wanted her to go with you, didn't you?
Aah! 
Oh, oh, oh!
Oh, boy, you work faster than I thought you did.
I'm gonna tell your wife on you.
What do you mean, my wife?
You are my wife.
That's not what you said a few minutes ago.
You really want to go away with me?
- Maybe. 
Only not tonight I can't.
- Why not tonight?
Cos I ain't got anything to wear to Jacksonville.
- We could pick up some things.
- Them ol' tacky things?
This is the only really nice dress I got.
It's gettin' kinda old.
Besides, can't go to Jacksonville with just one dress, even if it was new.
If I buy you a dress, will you go away with me?
Maybe. 
If you buy me a pretty one.
- Will you go now?
- I can't. 
Stores ain't open now.
- Don't you trust me?
- Sure. 
I just want the dress first.
OK. 
Give us a little kiss.
- Does that mean you'll buy me somethin'?
- I told you I would, didn't I?
OK. 
Butjust a little one.
(squealing)
- Hey, is that what you call a little one?
- Hey.
- What?
- Come here.
I think we'd better get started, don't you?
I'll wait for you in the car.
Don't take too long, though.
- Won't you even sit close to me?
- Mm-mm.
Not until you buy me somethin' pretty.
(sings "I Never Knew")
You didn't have to wait up for me.
Shut that door.
All I was doin'was just dancin'.
Come here.
Come here!
You ain't mad, are you?
Oh, dear God.
Let's not kid ourselves. 
We're losing.
She's in worse condition today than when she walked in two years ago.
- The divorce, you mean?
- No, it's more than that.
I don't believe the divorce actually affected her seriously.
Bonnie's the only thing with her - not Ralph or marriage.
And that's the discouraging part of it.
The truth is neither Eve Black nor Mrs White is a satisfactory solution.
Neither of them is really qualified to fill the role of wife, mother, or even responsible human being.
A victory for either would be disastrous.
No solution whatever.
And as for memories, infancy, childhood...
Perhaps I should say childhoods - she says she's been coming out since she was six.
...an empty, almost abnormally normal history.
- Some patients are really so inconsiderate.
- They are indeed.
It wouldn't have hurt her to have had some shocking experience when she was little.
Something rather nasty she saw in the attic.
(buzzer)
- Yes?
- Miss Black is here.
- Miss Black?
- Miss Eve Black.
Tell him I'm all dyked out for him.
She's all dressed up for you.
Very pretty, with flowers in her hair.
- Miss Eve Black, in person.
- Want to try hypnosis again?
You mean keep punting and wait for a fumble?
- How do you do, Miss Black?
- Well, both docs.
You gonna protect him against me?
The way you look this morning, I'm not so sure he'd want me to.
Well, say, you look pretty sharp yourself, you know that?
She's your patient, Doctor.
I'm much too old for that sort of thing.
He's pretty cute sometimes, don't you think?
He's a living doll. 
Will you come in?
Maybe I'd like him better than I do you.
- What's the idea of all this?
- I wouldn't let her come back.
- Why not?
- Cos something's wrong.
- You think so?
- Well, she tried to kill herself last night.
Something's wrong somewhere.
- How did she try to kill herself?
- With a razor blade.
She's feeling awfully low, and when I got what she had in her mind, it scared me half to death.
Cos you know, if somebody didn't stop her, I'd be gone too.
- Go on.
- Well, wasn't anybody else there but me.
So when she went in the bathroom and she locked the door... 
Look.
She made one slash and then I got out and I made her drop the blade and...
I got it and threw it away.
But it was a close call.
- Do you think she meant it?
- I know she meant it.
I wouldn't have meant it.
I might be tryin' to scare somebody or fool 'em or somethin', but I wouldn't go that far.
- I understand.
- But she was really levelling.
She really was gonna kill herself if I hadn't stopped her.
When you said there was something wrong somewhere, did you mean something more than the effort to kill herself?
- I sure did.
- What?
Now I'm havin' blackout spells too.
You mean lapses of time when you don't remember what's happened?
And let me tell you, it scares me, too.
- May I speak to Mrs White?
- Of course.
Mrs White?
Eve Black tells me you were very low.
Yes, I was.
Would you mind going under hypnosis again?
If you say so.
All right. 
Now, relax.
Completely.
When I count to three, you'll be in a deep hypnotic state.
You understand? 
All right, now.
One...
Your eyelids are getting heavy.
Very heavy.
Two...
Relax.
Three.
Who are you?
Who do you think?
I have no idea.
May I ask who you are?
I don't know that either.
- Would you excuse me for a minute?
- Certainly.
How's your heart?
Can you take another one?
- You're kidding.
- Come on.
- Do you remember Dr Day?
- How do you do, Doctor?
- How do you do?
- Oh, well, then you must be Doctor...
- Luther.
- Luther. 
Yes, of course. 
I should have known.
- You mean you have heard of me?
- Yes, through both Eve White and Eve Black.
Not unfavourably, I trust.
On the contrary. 
They think very highly of you, both of them.
Are we to understand...?
This is a little awkward, but are we to understand that you're no longer Mrs White?
- No, I'm not.
- Nor Eve Black?
- No.
- Then may I ask, what is your name?
I don't know.
You do know Mrs White and Miss Black, don't you?
I know them in a way.
I don't think I know them very well.
But you know they're...
Yes, I understand that.
It's a pretty bewildering thing, too, isn't it?
I should say you were well within your rights in so describing the situation.
And may I add, it seems to grow no less so with the passage of time.
- I wish I understood it better.
- How long...?
It's not easy to phrase these questions without sounding like an idiot, but how long have you, well, been around?
I don't know. 
But I don't think it could have been very long.
- What do you know about Mrs White?
- Oh, what about Jane?
- Jane who?
- I mean, for my name. 
Jane.
Why Jane?
Why not?
And so now Dr Luther had three inadequate personalities to complicate and confuse his search for one stable and complete woman, all of whom continued to live, so to speak, their own separate lives.
Which would it be?
The rollicking and irresponsible playgirl?
Hey, you cut that out.
- I don't even know your first name.
- Ernie.
Ernie! 
(laughs)
The defeated wife?
Hill Brothers. 
Yes, sir, just a minute.
Hill Brothers.
- Hill Brothers.
- Thank you for waiting.
What? 
Well, just keep your britches on, sugarfoot. I'll get your party for you.
Let me figure out which one it is.
OK, that it?
What? 
Well, who are you?
Well, honey, you're not the right one.
No, get off the line, you're not...
Look, I don't care who you are.
Blast off, buster.
Or the pleasant young woman who had no memory?
What, in short, had nature, in the first place, intended this woman to be?
- Not yet, Janie.
- What's the use, Earl?
You did say you loved me, didn't you?
Yes, I did.
Well, then, is it fair to say you love me but can't marry me, without telling me why not?
- I just can't. 
I know it isn't fair. 
I just can't.
- What is it, honey?
I'm not gonna let you get away with anything like this. 
You've got to tell me.
Please, Earl.
Just don't ask me any more. 
Please.
I'm sorry, Janie, I've got to.
I can't give you up without even knowing what's the matter.
All right, then. I'll tell you.
Did you read in the newspaper about a month ago about a multiple-personality case?
A woman that has three personalities?
- In The Chronicle?
- Yes, that's the one.
- Yeah, I read it. 
What about it?
- l'm that woman.
You're the...
That's right.
But you sound all right.
- Do I?
- You sound fine.
Maybe I do, but not the other two.
Other two?
Sure. 
There are two others, you know, and they're very different from me.
And I don't even ever know when they're coming out.
Holy Moses.
- So that's all there is to it.
- Oh, no, it isn't.
- Oh, please.
- Not by a long shot.
What I mean is, that doesn't scare me.
I feel just exactly the same.
Exactly as I felt before.
I love you just exactly the same.
Maybe even more.
Whatever it is, we can handle it together.
Earl, don't you understand?
It's not you marrying me.
It's me marrying anybody.
I'm sick. 
I am mentally sick and I cannot marry anybody, ever.
Then, on the afternoon of September 17th, 1953,
Mrs White came to the office for her regular treatment and died there.
How are you, Mrs White?
I don't feel very well.
Let's go inside and talk it over, shall we?
You look tired.
Yes, I'm very tired.
I seem to be tired all the time now.
Has the lively Miss Black been keeping you out late?
Yes, sir, I guess so.
Anyway, I seem to be forgettin' more than ever now.
Well, that could also be Jane, you know.
Yes, sir. 
I know.
What do you think of Jane?
Well, from what you've told me,
I hope she'll be the one.
- The one to what?
- To live.
Is that what you think is going to happen?
That two of you will eventually disappear?
Don't you?
Well, I have thought so at times.
Well, that's what I think.
And I think it'll be Jane.
At least, I hope so.
Did you go up Sunday to see Bonnie?
- Yes, sir.
- Did you have fun with her?
I did for a while.
Then I forgot for a while.
Then I came back again, before I left.
Then, when I was saying goodbye to Bonnie, she said to me 'Don't come back that other way, Mommy. 
I don't like that other way.'
Eve Black?
I guess when I was up there last month she must have come out, and she must have been cross with Bonnie or slapped her or somethin'.
But then she said "Come back this way, Mommy. 
The way you are now."
So I knew that it must have been Jane that came out this time when I forgot.
And she was sweet to Bonnie.
But then when Papa was driving me out of the yard,
I got the strangest feeling that I wasn't ever gonna see her again, that this was the last time.
And I wanted to jump out of that truck and go hug her.
Try to explain to her and try to tell her...
But I don't know.
How do you explain to a little girl?
How do you make her understand that her real mommy ain't never coming back, but another woman who just looks like her?
Why do you think you'll be one of the ones to go?
It's just the way I feel, I guess.
I don't really mind. 
Not any more.
I'm not fit for her now.
I'm not fit for anything, really. 
I know that.
But if it's Jane...
If she'll just understand how much our little girl needs love and understanding, then I won't mind dyin'.
You know, if she'll just take good care of her for me.
- May I speak to Jane now, please?
- Yes, sir.
Jane?
Good morning.
Good morning.
It was me that came out on Sunday.
And while I was there, a curious thing happened that I think you might be interested in.
What was that?
Well...
Well, it was this.
Bonnie and her mother were out in the back yard.
They were playing ball.
You know, bouncing a ball back and forth.
Now, are you ready? 
All right.
Here it comes.
- Very good.
- Do it again, Mommy.
OK, here we go.
Uh-oh.
- Look, it's under the house.
- That's all right, honey. I'll get it.
You wait here, darling.
Mother will get it for you.
Can you see it?
Then, when I got under there, a strange thing happened.
Suddenly, I was littler.
I was a little girl under the house.
I could smell the odour of fresh earth, like a long time ago.
And morning glories, though there are no morning glories growing around there now.
And you still can't remember anything at all about your childhood?
No, not even of being a child.
Do you think Eve White might be able to remember it?
- I have no idea.
- May I speak with her, please?
Mrs White?
Jane tells me that when she came out up there on Sunday, when you were playing catch with Bonnie, the ball rolled under the house and she went under after it.
And when she got under there, she had a feeling of being very small.
A child.
A very curious and somehow frightening feeling, as if she'd been there before.
Now, this had some meaning for her.
Can you remember, when you were very little, any experience like that of any kind?
No, sir.
Will you think back to when you were five or six or seven years old, something like that?
No, sir, I can't remember anything like that under the house.
Perhaps under hypnosis?
Would you mind?
No, sir. 
I don't mind.
Will you close your eyes, please? 
Relax.
One...
Two...
Three.
Now, I want you to think back to when you were five years old.
Just a little girl on the farm.
A very little girl playing around the house in the back yard.
Sometimes you play under the house, don't you?
Yes, sir.
Did you ever go under the house for a ball?
- I don't remember.
- Was it dark under the house?
- Yes, sir, very dark.
- Did it scare you?
No, sir.
All right. 
Now you're six.
Six years old.
You're still playing around the house.
The back yard.
You still go under the house sometimes?
Yes.
Now, can you remember one particular time when something happened to you when you were under there?
I don't want to, please...
Did a ball go under the house?
I want my cup...
First give me my blue china cup.
I want my cup.
I don't want to.
I don't like all those flowers.
Please, I don't want to.
Mama, please, I don't want to.
There's too many people.
Please... 
Mama, don't make me.
Mama, please, don't make...
- Mrs White?
- What were you doin' to her?
- Eve?
- Of course. 
What are you tryin' to get at?
I'll tell you. I'm interested in something that Jane told me about being under the house, your mother's house, probably when you were about six years old.
It upset Mrs White very much.
Can you remember what it was?
- I didn't pay much attention to anything then.
- You came out then, didn't you?
Yeah. 
Only when I wanted to do something she didn't want to do.
Didn't she ever tell you about all those lickings she got for things she didn't do?
What are you doing out here now?
I didn't call you.
I don't know. 
I just had to, I guess.
Do you remember anything about a blue china cup?
I don't remember anything like that.
How long is this gonna go on?
Until we find out what's the trouble, of course.
- How long do you think that's gonna be?
- I have no idea.
You know what I think?
What?
I think I'm not havin' much fun any more.
You're still getting out, aren't you?
Not like I used to.
Is it Jane that's doin' that to me?
I don't know. 
What do you think?
I wish I knew more about her.
What do you want to know about her?
I don't know. 
It's not like it used to be, when I knew all about Eve White and she didn't know anything about me.
That's the way I liked it.
- It's all changed now, hasn't it?
- Mm-hm.
Now there's Jane.
Yeah.
Do you like her?
Very much.
- More than you do me?
- I don't like anybody more than I do you.
You never would go out and have a good time with me, would you?
A psychiatrist can't go out with a patient.
That's against the rules.
Would you go out with me if you wasn't a doctor?
Anytime you'd let me.
Does she know all about what I do?
Does she tell you?
When I ask her.
Like about that sergeant?
- Yes, she told me about that.
- That's what I mean.
Somebody around all the time, telling on you.
- You tell me about Mrs White, don't you?
- Yeah, but she don't do anything.
You know somethin', Doc?
What?
You remember that red dress?
The low-cut one?
How could I forget it?
I want you to have it.
A low-cut dress, for me?
I want you to have it if anything happens.
What do you mean, if anything happens?
Something's the matter.
I don't know what it is, but something's the matter.
You don't think we're ever going to get well, do you?
Of course I do.
Well, I don't.
I think we're gonna die, all of us.
Eve.
- You didn't think I could cry, did you?
- You never have before.
You know, I remember the first time I ever saw you.
You was the first one I ever said who I was.
First one ever knew me.
You liked that red dress, didn't you?
Very much indeed.
I think it's a beautiful dress.
Well, I want you to have it.
Cos you're the only one that knows what it's meant to me. 
The only one.
I know of nothing that's gonna happen to you, but I do appreciate the dress, believe me.
Now, may I speak to Jane?
- Of course.
- Jane?
Goodbye, Doc.
Goodbye, Eve.
Jane?
Yes.
What do you think she meant?
I don't know.
Have you remembered about that blue china cup? 
Or under the house?
- No.
- Mrs White?
No!
No, Mama! 
Mama, please don't make me!
Please, please, please!
Please don't make me, Mama, please! 
Please don't...
- Jane?
- Please, please!
- What happened, Jane, under the house?
- She made me kiss her!
She made me kiss her!
Mama, please!
(children chant) I'll beat you! 
I'll beat you!
- l'll beat you!
- l'll beat you!
Evie! 
Evie?
- Come on, sugar, time to get your clothes on.
- l'll be there in a minute, Mama.
Come on, Evie. 
I don't want to come in there after you.
You come on this minute, do you hear?
You've got to kiss Grandma goodbye.
Then you won't miss her so much if you kiss her goodbye, sugar pie.
You know that.
Please don't make me.
I don't want to. 
Oh, Papa.
Evie, darling. 
Evie, you do like your mommy says.
Come on, now, you give her to me.
I know, sugar. 
All you've got to do is kiss her.
- Don't make me, please.
- Then you won't miss her so much.
- Mama, I don't want to, Mama.
- You've got to kiss her goodbye.
I don't want to. 
Please, Mama.
(sobs) Please, please! 
I don't want to.
Kiss her goodbye, so you won't miss her so much.
(screams hysterically)
She didn't mean any wrong by it.
It was just the way people thought in those days.
If you kissed the dead face, it was a sweet goodbye and you wouldn't miss her so much.
That's all she meant.
Do you think a great deal about death now?
No.
Just that...
"Life's a city full of straying streets, and death's the marketplace where each one meets."
Just that. 
Someday, it'll happen.
Who wrote that? 
That poem?
- Shakespeare, wasn't it?
- Where did you learn it?
In high school.
Mr Montgomery recited it to us one day.
- Who was Mr Montgomery?
- The English teacher.
Who was your first teacher? 
Your very first, when you first started going to school?
That was in Fortsville. 
Miss Bates.
In the second grade?
Miss Bates in the first grade.
Miss Griffith in the second grade.
Miss Stewart in the third grade.
And... and then we moved to Richmond and we had Miss Patterson in the fourth grade.
Do you remember all of them?
- May I say 'em?
- Go on.
And in Richmond, we lived on Fifth Street.
27 Fifth Street.
Right next door to the Thompsons.
Rick and Mary Lou Thompson.
And... and Mr Thompson worked at the railroad, in the machine shop.
Because I remember one Sunday he took us all down to look at the machines.
Rick and Mary Lou and Florence and myself.
Florence is my cousin.
- I remember.
- May I speak to Mrs White?
- Do you have to?
- Mrs White?
She's gone.
Eve?
- They're gone.
- Eve Black?
They're gone, I tell you. 
Both of them.
They're gone and there's nobody else here but me.
I know it. 
I can feel it.
And I can remember.
I can remember everything.
Mama and Papa and Bonnie...
I can remember.
Oh, I can remember, I can remember.
That was in the fall of 1953.
On September 17th, 1955,
Dr Luther received a special-delivery airmail letter from Richmond, Virginia.
(Jane) "Dear Dr Luther,
Do you remember what today is? "
"It's the second anniversary of that day in your office, and still no more Eve White and no more Eve Black."
"That's why we decided it was safe at last to have Bonnie with us."
"And so here we all are, Earl and Bonnie and me, going home together."
Visiontext Subtitles:
Marisa Castle de Joncaire
ENGLISH SDH

This is a true story.
How often have you seen that statement at the beginning of a picture?
It sometimes means that there was a man named Napoleon... but that any similarity between what he did in life... and what he's going to do in this movie is strictly miraculous.
Well, this is a true story... about a sweet, rather baffled young housewife... who, in 1951, in her hometown in Georgia... suddenly frightened her husband by behaving very unlike herself.
Well, there's nothing unique in that.
We all have moods.
We all have a secret yen... to behave like somebody we particularly admire.
In fact, a modern writer has said... that inside every fat man... a thin man is struggling to get out.
Well, in a literal and terrifying sense... inside this demure young woman... two very vivid and different personalities... were battling for the mastery of her character.
She was, in fact, a case of what is called multiple personality... something that all psychiatrists have read about... and very few have ever seen... certainly not Dr. Thigpen and Dr. Cleckley... of the Medical College of Georgia... who one day were confronted with a woman... who had one personality more than Dr. Jekyll.
Now, their account of the case was delivered... to the American Psychiatric Association in 1953... and it's already a classic of psychiatric literature.
So this movie needed no help... from the imagination of a fiction writer.
The truth itself was fabulous enough... and all the episodes you're going to see... happened to this girl whom they call Eve White... and much of the dialogue is taken from the clinical record... of the doctor that we call Dr. Luther.
The date is August 20, 1951.
- You all right?
- Yeah, I'm all right.
WOMAN: 
Come in.
- Mrs. White?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Dr. Luther?
- Yes?
Mrs. White is here, the lady Dr. Watkins wrote you about.
- Ask her to come in, will you?
- Yes, Doctor.
Will you come in, please?
- How do you do, Mrs. White?
- How do you do?
- Come in. 
Sit here, will you?
- Thank you.
Mr. White.
Let's see.
Thank you.
Dr. Watkins is a very old friend of mine.
How long have you known him?
He's the doctor we go to.
He's a very able man, very able.
Let's see. 
He says you've been troubled with very bad headaches.
Yes, sir. 
Terrible ones.
- And some sort of spells?
- Yes, sir.
What kind of spell?
Why, I don't know.
I'm not exactly sure.
Well, what happens when you have one?
Is it what they say, amnesia?
Well, amnesia means "loss of memory." Is that what happens to you?
Yes, I guess that's it.
- How often does this happen?
- Sometimes twice a week now.
- And the headaches, what about them?
- Same thing.
- They happen at the same time?
- Yes, sir.
First I get this terrible headache... and then I get this spell.
Now, when you say spell, do you mean you faint or anything like that?
No, sir. 
It's not like fainting'.
It's more like...
Well, it's like the other day.
I was playin' out in the backyard with Bonnie... and all of a sudden I got this splitting' headache... and then the next thing I knew...
I mean, the next thing I was conscious of, it was the next mornin'.
- Who's Bonnie?
- That's my little girl.
- How old is she?
- She's four and a half.
- Your only child?
- Yes, sir.
I lost another baby about four months ago.
I see.
And you have no recollection at all of what happened... where you were or what you did between the time... you were playing in the backyard with Bonnie and the next morning?
No, sir, I don't.
Were you at home at the time?
I was there as soon as I come home from work.
Yes?
I didn't see much different in her.
Well, did you see any difference?
I guess not... nothing you could say was really different.
NARRATOR: 
For several weeks, Mrs. White was greatly helped by the psychiatric treatment.
She had fewer headaches, and they were less severe.
She had no more blackout spells... at least none that she was aware of... but not quite a year later, several things happened... that showed her to be in urgent need of help.
The first alarm was sounded around noontime of a spring day... in 1952.
Anybody home?
Hey. 
Just a minute while I hang out the wash.
- Where's Bonnie?
- Here I am.
- Hi, sugar.
- I'm wearing Mommy's shoes.
Mommy will tan your britches if she finds you.
This one hurts.
- Where'd you get these?
- They're Mommy's.
Where'd she get 'em?
The postman brought them today with her dresses.
- What dresses?
- On the bed.
Evie?
- Let me have that.
- No, I want to wear them!
Mommy said I could!
Mommy! 
Mommy! 
Mommy!
What's the idea of all this?
Well, didn't you buy 'em?
What do you mean, didn't I buy 'em?
Didn't you?
No, I thought you did.
I thought it was sweet, but I...
It's got your name on it.
You know I wouldn't buy anything like that, Ralph.
- $218.
- That's what I mean, that costs that much.
- Where'd they get your name?
- I don't know. 
I thought you did it.
I mean, I thought you bought 'em for me... but I was gonna make you take 'em back... because I knew it was too much.
Well, I'll say it's too much.
You had me scared there for a minute.
I guess they just must have made some kind of mistake, that's all.
Well, I'll call 'em.
[ROTARY PHONE DIALING]
Is this the Beehive store?
WOMAN: 
Yes, sir. 
Is there anything I can do for you?
- Is this Miss Effie?
- Who is this?
This is Ralph White, Miss Effie.
For goodness sakes, Ralph,
I thought you and Evie would be on your way to Hollywood by now.
- Hollywood?
- With all those pretty things Evie bought.
You ought to be mighty proud of her... the way she looks in those dresses, especially that lilac one.
I said to Mr. Gilmore...
I'm bringing them all back, Miss Effie, this afternoon.
Bonnie?
Come on in, honey, and wash your hands.
Not yet. 
Tell her not to come in yet.
- Well, what's the matter?
- Tell her I'll call her.
Never mind, honey.
I'll call you when we're ready.
Shut that door.
Hurry up!
Come here.
Will you come here?
I got a good mind to slap your face.
What did they say?
What kind of dope do you think I am anyway?
- I don't know what you're talkin' about.
- Will you stop that lying?
What did you think I was gonna do?
Nothing? 
Let you get away with it?
218 bucks!
- Ralph, I didn't buy 'em.
- You mean Miss Effie Blanford's a liar?
- She said I bought 'em?
- She didn't say nothing else.
I don't see how she could 'cause I didn't.
You mean to tell me you didn't go into the Beehive and try on those dresses for Miss Effie?
I haven't been to the Beehive in months.
Sometimes I don't know whether you're crazy or you think I am.
- They gonna take 'em back?
- You're not kidding they'll take them back.
- I'll pack them up for you.
- No, I'll do it.
- You better let me.
- You heard me. 
I said I'd do it!
I'm hungry, Mommy!
[SCREAMING]
Evie!
I got you. 
It's all right, baby.
It's all right, honey.
It's all right.
You'll be all right.
It's all right.
It's all right, honey.
Don't get up.
I'll kill you, you get up.
- I didn't do it.
- But I saw her.
I didn't do it, I tell you.
How can she say a thing like that when I saw her with my own eyes?
If I hadn't been there, I don't know what she'd have done.
- You mean you don't remember doing it.
- I didn't do it.
I suppose you didn't buy those clothes either.
I'd die before I'd hurt Bonnie.
Why do you suppose Ralph says things like that if they're not true?
- I love her too much.
- How about you loved her so much... you wouldn't come home from Atlanta last month?
She went up to Atlanta to visit her cousin for five days and then wouldn't come home.
She was having too big a time.
And then when I went up to get her... she cussed me out and said she never would come home.
How about how much you loved her then?
Will you let me talk to her alone for a few minutes?
She wouldn't come home to me or to Bonnie.
We'll just be a few minutes.
You didn't answer my question, Mrs. White.
That's not true, what he said.
What's not true?
I haven't been to Atlanta in nearly a year.
Well, that's what I mean.
Why do you think he says things like that if they're not true?
I don't know.
He'd have to have some reason to do it, don't you think?
Yes, sir, I suppose so.
Have you thought what that reason might be?
- I thought of one.
- What was that?
Maybe he wants to get Bonnie away from me.
- You mean, by divorce?
- No, sir, maybe not that... but maybe he can make me believe I'm losing my mind.
Is that what you think he's trying to do?
I don't know what else it could be, the way he tells it. 
Am I?
I find no evidence of it.
But you're not positive?
Well, I couldn't be positive of anything this quickly... but the fact you may be having spells of amnesia... doesn't mean that you're, what you call, "losing your mind."
Doesn't mean that at all.
It's no use... 'cause I am.
You don't wanna tell me, but I know it now.
How do you know it, Mrs. White?
Because now I'm hearing voices too.
What kind of voices?
Just one voice, but that's what that means, doesn't it?
- How long has this been going on?
- For months.
Why didn't you tell me this before?
- What does this voice say to you?
- She tells me to do things.
A woman's voice?
- Can you recognize it in any way?
- No, sir.
It sounds familiar sometimes... but I don't really recognize it.
What does this voice tell you to do?
To do things like... leave Ralph... take Bonnie and run away.
All kind of terrible things like that.
That is what it means, isn't it?
- No, not in your case.
- But that's what everybody says.
And in most cases, they'd be right.
It's a serious manifestation, the hearing of voices... but the difference in your case is this...
You've been frightened by this voice... because you recognize it as a symptom of illness.
People who are actually losing their minds... rarely find anything extraordinary about the hearing of voices.
They almost invariably assume... it's some sort of extra privilege that they enjoy... like personal radio reception... or built- in radar.
Yeah, but what if sometimes... it sounds like my own voice?
Your own voice?
Doesn't make any difference.
Yes, it does.
You just don't wanna tell me, but it does. 
I...
Mrs. White?
Hi.
Feeling better now?
I feel fine.
What was it, a headache?
No.
I didn't have no headache.
She had one, but I didn't.
She?
Hey, you got a nice place around here.
She always gets those headaches when I wanna come out.
I think she's a real dope, don't you?
- Who are you talking about?
- Eve White.
These hose! 
They're nylon, and I'm allergic to nylon.
I think I'll take 'em off.
You don't mind, do you?
If you like.
I think you better turn around, though.
You're kind of cute, but I don't think I know you that well.
Maybe sometime, though, huh?
Hey, you like to go dancin'?
- Sometimes.
- Would you like to go dancin' with me?
Okay, you can turn around now.
- So, you're not Eve White?
- I certainly am not.
Hey, maybe one night this week. 
You can tell your wife you gotta see a patient.
- And do what?
- And go dancin'.
I bet you're a real cute dancer.
I doubt if my wife would agree with you about that... but getting back to the point, if you're not Eve White, who are you?
Now, what you trying to do, kid me?
Seems more likely you're trying to kid me.
I'm Eve Black. 
You know that.
You mean that was your maiden name.
That's still my name.
I ain't never been married.
That's for laughs, gettin' married.
- What about Ralph?
- Come on now, Doc.
You don't think I'd marry a jerk like that.
Then Bonnie isn't your child?
Not while I'm in my right mind she isn't.
Boy! 
What fat books.
Hey! 
This radio working?
[JAZZ PLAYING]
You've got a back door to your office.
We could get out of here without him seeing us.
Will you excuse me for a moment?
You're not gonna tell him, are you?
No, no. 
I'll be right back.
You wait here.
It's up too high.
[LOWERS VOLUME OF MUSIC]
Excuse me. 
I'll be right back.
Is that her?
Have you ever had a case of multiple personality?
No.
Do you think you'd recognize one if you saw one?
I don't know. 
I'm not so sure.
But I can tell you this... 
I'll bet you I can spot a fake as far as I can see one.
- Whom do you suspect?
- Mrs. White. 
Mrs. Eve White.
That dreary little woman from across the river?
That's the one.
[VOLUME OF MUSIC INCREASES]
Everything all right?
Hi! 
You got your buddy with you, huh?
- May I turn this off?
- Sure.
What'd I do, scare you?
- You remember Dr. Day?
- Sure. 
Hi.
- How are you, Mrs. White?
- That's what you think.
This is Miss Eve Black, Doctor.
How do you do, Miss Black?
How do you do?
You don't mind talking to both of us, do you?
Oh, no.
The more there are, the better I like 'em.
And you say you are not Mrs. White now?
Okay, you wanna hear it again?
I'm not Mrs. White.
My name is Eve Black.
Then how does it happen that you remember meeting me?
Because I know everything that happens to her.
She don't know anything about me, but I know everything about her... everything I want to, anyway.
There's some things about her I'm not interested in, like that jug head out there.
Mr. White, she means.
And the thing is, she don't really even care anything about him.
She just tells herself she does 'cause she thinks she ought to.
- And don't think I never told her so too.
- What did you tell her?
Leave the so- and- so.
Take the kid if she wants her and beat it.
What can he do about it?
- How did you tell her?
- I yelled at her.
I don't know whether she heard me or not, but I really hollered at her.
Boy, I can tell you, though, I'm gonna fix his wagon.
I ain't gonna go through the rest of my life with that creep.
And you say that Bonnie's not your child.
Now, Doctor, how could I have a child if I'm not even married?
You trying to insinuate something?
You mean, Ralph never made love to you?
Boy, I'd like to see him try!
Where were you then when Bonnie was born?
It looks like to me that's your problem, Doctor, not mine.
Don't you have any fans in this office?
It's hot in here.
- How are you gonna fix Ralph's wagon?
- You really wanna know?
I do, indeed.
I'm gonna come out, and I'm gonna stay out.
Were you ever on a stage, Miss Black?
No, not exactly on a stage... but I sung in nightclubs, a lot of them.
- Where?
- Well, across the river's one.
- The Big Apple. 
You ever been there?
- No, I'm afraid I haven't.
They're crazy about me at the Big Apple.
Every time I go in there, they ask me to stand up and sing.
Of course, I have to be in the mood to do it, though.
- What kind of mood?
- I have to have a couple snorts first.
Can you "come out," as you call it, whenever you want to?
No. 
I wish I could, but I can't.
Sometimes I can, but sometimes I can't.
But I tell you one thing, though, it's getting easier... 'cause she's getting weaker and I'm getting stronger... and one of these days, just like I tell you, I'm gonna come out and stay out.
Just you wait and see.
And can you retire, go back in when you want to?
Sure. 
You know what I done one night?
One night, Ralph had to go to Savannah... so I went over to the Big Apple and I got kind of gassed up.
You know what I done the next morning?
I let her have the hangover.
She's faking.
- Boy, you should have seen her face!
- Listen, Mrs. White...
I regret to have to say this... but I...
Hello, Doctor.
Mrs. White?
NARRATOR: 
On May the 17th, 1952...
Mrs. White was admitted to the psychiatric section... of the university hospital for observation and treatment.
During the first week, her behavior was excellent... and there was nothing uneven about it... but Dr. Luther still could not decide... when, or even if, to confront her with the knowledge... of the personality that she had suppressed.
"Love took up the glass of time...
"and turned it in his glowing hands.
"Every moment lightly shaken...
"ran itself in golden sands.
"Love took up the harp of life...
"and smote on all the chords with might...
"smote the chord of self...
"that, trembling, passed in music out of sight."
That's beautiful.
I've never heard it before.
I don't really understand what it means.
I just like to read it anyway.
It doesn't have to mean anything in particular, just so you feel it.
Good morning.
Would you like to read this one?
"Dear beauteous death..."
- Good morning, Doctor.
- Morning.
- Good morning, Doctor.
- How's it going?
I feel much better, thank you.
She looks better too, don't you think?
- Yes, she really does.
- See you later, Mrs. White.
- Thank you.
- I'll be in the office, Doctor.
Thanks, Lenny.
- Heard from Ralph?
- Yes, sir.
- He came by for a few minutes yesterday.
- What about Bonnie?
She's back with my mother and father now.
Tell me something, Mrs. White.
Would you say that your marriage, speaking of it as a whole... has been a happy one?
No, sir.
Well, some of it, but not as a whole.
Don't you love Ralph?
Yes, sir.
Then why do you think it hasn't been a happy marriage?
I don't know.
I guess I just haven't been able to make him happy.
I don't know what it is I do that irritates him so much, but I do.
Well, tell me something else.
Have you ever had the feeling that somewhere... deep down inside you... there might be somebody you couldn't quite reach... but that you nevertheless knew was there?
No, sir. 
I don't know what you're talking about.
- Good night, Doctor.
- Good night, Madge.
Hey.
Come here a minute.
Come on. 
I ain't gonna bite ya.
- Got a cigarette?
- Sure.
- Thank you.
- It's all right.
Why don't you come in for a minute?
- Well, no, no. 
You know the rules.
- Come on.
I got a poem for you.
Come on.
I can't stay long. 
No.
It's a limerick.
Chicken!
- Dr. Luther?
- Yes?
- It's about Mrs. White.
- Yes?
That lady's a whole lot healthier than you think she is, Doctor.
LUTHER: 
Can you control your emergence?
- Says which?
- I want you not to come out... even if you can.
I'm tired of this place.
- It's a nuthouse, ain't it?
- No, it's a hospital.
You don't see any bars or anything like that, do you?
Is she crazy?
No, but it's quite possible you can drive her crazy if you don't behave yourself.
Why? 
I don't know what I have to do with it.
I haven't got anything to do with her.
You're wasting your time with that.
I'm a doctor.
- You're cute, you know that?
- Listen, Eve...
Hey, look, why don't you and I go out and have some fun? 
I can slip on somethin'.
Do you wanna be shut up in one of these places for life... one with bars?
- What do you mean?
- I mean simply this...
If you try anything like that, if you get into any trouble at all... it'll be Mrs. White that'll be adjudged crazy... but both of you'll be locked up.
Well, why, if I'm all right?
You're not gonna be subdivided by any court or board I've heard of yet.
Where Mrs. White goes, you go... and that means into an asylum if you misbehave and Mrs. White has to be committed.
An asylum, with locked doors and bars and straitjackets!
Now, is that clear?
I guess so.
Well, it had better be... because that'd be the end of it for you too.
No more dancing.
No more... snorts.
No more anything ever!
[SIGHS]
Even if I don't come out, what do you figure to do about it?
I don't know. 
I'm not sure.
Nobody knows too much about this... because there haven't been too many such cases... but for a starter...
I think I'd like to tell Eve White about you.
What do you wanna do that for?
- Do you object?
- Well, won't that worry her even more?
I thought you didn't care what happened to her.
Well, I don't really, but, I mean, you know, if she worries anymore... ain't she liable to go crazy anyway?
I'm afraid that is a possibility... but that's a chance I think we're gonna have to take.
If we're ever gonna reunite these two personalities, to put it simply...
I'd say the first logical step to take in that direction... would be to introduce them to each other, wouldn't you?
Introduce 'em?
Doc, you flip me, you really do.
I don't have to put on much.
Let's go on out and have a little fun.
Mrs. White.
[GROANS]
I don't underst...
I had another one, hadn't I?
A little one.
I was hopin'...
I think I'd better tell you as well as I can... just what the situation is.
Have you ever heard of multiple personality?
NARRATOR: 
Now all Dr. Luther had to do... was to explain the situation to Ralph.
How are you, Ralph?
- Good morning, sir. 
How's Evie?
- Much better now.
Have you found out yet what's the matter with her?
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Sit down, will you?
It's a very unusual case... one of the rarest, in fact, in the history of psychiatry.
- You don't say.
- Mrs. White's problem... is what is called multiple personality.
- Yes, sir.
- Have you ever heard of that?
No, sir.
I can't say as I ever have.
Well, what actually happens is this...
At some point in the past... apparently when she was a little girl... her personality became divided... into two different personalities.
In effect, she's now two different women... entirely different in character.
To be more specific about it... the girl you married, Bonnie's mother... sweet, quiet girl you fell in love with, that's one of the women.
The other is the one that scared Bonnie, the one who bought all the clothes... the one that had that row with you in Atlanta.
You know those headaches and blackout spells?
Yes, sir.
Well, that was when this other woman... the one who calls herself Eve Black... was trying to get out.
Out of where?
Out of the body...
Your wife's body.
Well, how do you like that?
But what I want you to understand... is that this is an actual mental condition with Mrs. White.
It isn't pretending or faking.
She can't help it.
But that doesn't mean she's psychotic... crazy.
Do you understand?
No, sir.
Well, let's see if I can put it to you in another way.
In the first place, no one has actually ever defined the personality... as a psychopathological...
- I think you better come with me.
- Yes, sir.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Come in.
You've got company this morning.
Hello, honey.
Hi.
- How's Bonnie?
- She's all right.
I asked Ralph to come in so that I could explain the situation to him... so he'll understand when you leave here.
You know who he is, don't you?
- You mean Ralph?
- Who is he?
Well, he's my husband, of course.
And you're the mother of his child, aren't you?
Of course.
You're Mrs. White? 
That's your name?
- Yes, sir.
- All right, now. 
May I speak with Eve Black?
Of course.
Eve Black?
Spit!
- You know who this is?
- I sure do.
- Now just a minute there.
- Your husband?
If I have told you once, I have told you 10,000 times...
I ain't got no husband!
And if I was gonna have one, it wouldn't be no lead bottom like Ralph White there.
- What'd you have to tell him for anyway?
- Bonnie isn't your child?
She's her child, and you know it.
- I got a good mind to slap your face!
- I'd like to see you try!
- You ain't foolin' me!
- Now, don't get angry.
Just talk to her and watch her, and don't use your temper.
Use your sense about it.
May I speak to Mrs. White?
You sure can, and don't ever bring me back while that pea- picker's here.
Mrs. White?
- Did I go out again?
- Just for a few minutes.
- Evie?
- Eve Black?
I told you I wasn't gonna talk to him again.
Mrs. White?
NARRATOR: 
After she'd been in the hospital for two weeks...
Dr. Luther and Dr. Day were satisfied... that whether she behaved as Eve White or Eve Black... she would do no harm to herself or to others.
So, on the 30th of May, 1952... they discharged her.
During those two weeks, Ralph had left their daughter Bonnie... with the grandparents and found for himself a better job... in Jacksonville, Florida... but Mrs. White was not to go with him... for, on the advice of Dr. Luther... she decided to stay in town in a furnished room... for further and more regular treatment.
This decision caused a separation... that was to have unexpected consequences.
I might as well get started, I guess.
- Ralph, I'm awful sorry.
- That's all right. 
You couldn't help it.
Breaking up everything like this.
Well, he can get you well, can't he?
- I hope so.
- Didn't he say?
- No.
- Didn't he say anything?
He said he'd do the best he could.
That's about the only thing he could do... and maybe...
Well, I think he will, honey.
They don't like to promise too much, you know?
- You really think so?
- Sure. 
You know how some of 'em are.
They like to make a big thing out of it... so's they'll look better when they knock it off.
The only trouble, though, I sure am gonna miss Bonnie.
Well, she's okay. 
Your folks will take care of her all right.
You don't have to worry about her.
Yeah, but if I don't get well, I might never see her again.
Now, stop that, will ya?
Of course you're gonna see her again... 'cause you are gonna get well.
I mean, you ain't really crazy, you know.
He told me that hisself.
I mean, I asked him confidentially, and he said no.
He said there wasn't a thing in the world the matter with you... except this multiplied personality... and that ain't anywhere near crazy.
Now, he told me that hisself.
You gonna stop worrying now?
- I'll try.
- You do that, and you'll be all right.
Good- bye, honey.
I'll send you some more money on Saturday.
You don't have to do that.
I'm gonna get a job.
Well, that would help, but I'll still send you some money.
You take care of yourself, ya hear?
[SINGING TO HERSELF]
- I feel like singing.
- So, what's stopping you?
All right!
Hey! 
Do you know "Hold Me"?
You got it, pretty woman.
Okay, fellas, "Hold Me."
- Stand back, big daddy.
- One, two.
[SINGING HOLD ME]
Wait a minute. 
Wait a minute.
I forgot my shoes.
Thank you.
- Let's get out of here.
- No. 
I'm thirsty. 
I want a drink.
- I'll get us a bottle on the way.
- On the way where?
Hey, how about a snort, tall, dark and ugly?
- I'll find a place.
- What are you talking about?
This place is fine. 
I like it.
Look, I gotta be back to the post by 1:00. 
Let's go.
Are you crazy or something?
I'm not going anyplace with you.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Don't give me any of that stuff, baby.
I didn't buy you all these drinks for nothing.
All right, I'll go with you some other time, okay?
Oh, no, you won't. 
You're going with me now if you don't want some of this.
- Stop it. 
That hurts. 
Let me go.
- How 'bout that?
- See what I mean?
- You hurt me. 
I don't like to get hurt.
You know how much I shelled out on you already? 
Eight bucks worth.
When I spend eight bucks on a chick, I don't just go home with the morning paper.
You understand me? 
So let's not have any more arguments about it.
What's the matter with you?
What kind of a gag is this?
Maybe she's sick.
Hey, look, honey, I...
Ah, for the love of...
We missed you Sunday.
Where were you?
I went up on the bus to see Bonnie.
I'll bet she was glad to see you.
- Ralph?
- Hi, Eve.
- Why didn't you let me know?
- I wanted to surprise you.
Mr. Foxx, would you excuse us, please?
Certainly, ma'am.
Sit down, won't you?
Do you know why I come up here?
I want you to come back with me.
I can't do that, Ralph.
I'm not well yet.
- Who says you ain't?
- Dr. Luther. 
I know it's true.
I think it's even worse now.
Is he the one who told you to go out to the Big Apple every night?
Well, that's what I mean, Ralph.
I didn't know about it.
Thought I wouldn't find out about it, huh?
I didn't know about it.
What do you mean, you didn't know about it?
You knew enough to go out there and get ginned up. 
You was well enough for that.
A fella I know saw you out there twice... tight as a tick and dancin', throwing your dress up, you didn't care how far!
Dr. Luther explained all that to you.
He even showed you.
You told me so yourself.
Look, I don't know which one of you is fooling', you or him, but somebody is.
'Cause you know what I've been doin'?
I've been askin' people about it.
I asked two doctors about it.
You know what they said?
They said it looked to them like somebody was kiddin' somebody.
Well, Ralph, it is somethin'.
Believe me, it is.
Okay, then let it be somethin' in Jacksonville then.
Now, where are your bags?
Let's get out of here.
If I don't check out of Dixie Motel by 10:00... they'll charge me for another six hours.
Ralph, I won't leave here until I'm well again... not till I have Bonnie back with me.
We'll get Bonnie.
We'll go up there and take her with us.
I'm not gonna be alone with her, not till I'm well.
What do you mean, you're not gonna be alone with her?
She tried to hurt Bonnie once before.
She scared her.
Will you cut that out? 
I'm sick of it!
I don't wanna hear any more about it.
Ralph, please, won't you just talk to Dr. Luther, just for a few minutes?
- No. 
I already talked to two regular doctors.
- Then I'm not going!
You know what you need? 
You need a darn good whipping', that's what you need... knock some of that nuttiness out of you.
I'm not going, and that's all there is to it.
I suppose you'd rather stay around here and go to that Big Apple.
Not until Dr. Luther tells me I can leave.
And what if I don't want you by then?
Well, I can't help it. 
I'm not gonna leave here, not until I'm well.
You don't wanna see Bonnie again?
Not until I'm well, no.
I wouldn't count on it then either, if I were you.
If you think I'm gonna have people laughing at me, you got another thing coming.
If you were really crazy, it'd be different, but not this multiplied thing.
So you don't come with me now, that's all there is to it. 
You understand?
I can't help it, Ralph.
Okay, if that's the way you want it.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
Come in.
Hi.
Where did you get that dress?
Do you like it?
- Did you buy that yourself?
- It's got a lot of skirt, see?
I never saw that dress before.
Because you've been away.
- Why don't you fix me one of them drinks?
- You kiddin'?
Well, don't you wanna give me one?
Why, I never seen you take a drink before.
Honey, there are a lot of things you never seen me do before.
That's no sign I don't do 'em.
Are you gonna fix me one or not?
It don't look like to me you're awful glad to see me... after comin' up all this way too.
Straight.
You ain't foolin' me, you know.
- I don't know what you talkin' about.
- I know what you're tryin' to do.
What?
You're tryin' to make me think you're that other one.
- What other one?
- You know what I mean.
You mean, you don't even know your own wife when you see her?
You ain't Evie.
You think not?
I never seen Evie do a thing like that in my whole life before.
- You don't like it?
- That ain't the question.
Come here.
Come on. 
Sit down.
Come on. 
I'm not gonna bite ya.
You know, you're real cute.
- What are you up to?
- Well, I'm not up to a thing.
I just said you're real cute.
Is anything wrong with that?
No, but I...
You know, I didn't used to go for you... but you must be getting cuter these days... 'cause you sure look cute to me now.
Are you really...
Really what?
I'll be doggone if I ever saw anything like this in my whole life.
You ain't mad, are you?
No, I guess not.
You know what you ought to do?
What?
I think you ought to ask me to go to Jacksonville with you.
- I don't think so.
- Well, you asked her.
I know, but I don't know if this is the same thing or not.
You wanted her to go with you, didn't you?
Whoa, boy. 
You work faster than I thought you did.
You'd better be careful, or I'm gonna tell your wife on you.
What do you mean, my wife?
You are my wife.
That's not what you said a few minutes ago.
You really wanna go to Jacksonville with me?
Maybe, only not tonight, I can't.
Why not tonight?
'Cause I haven't got anything to wear to Jacksonville.
We could stop by the place and pick up some things.
Them old tacky things?
This is the only really nice dress I got.
It's gettin' kind of old.
Besides, I can't go to Jacksonville with just one dress... even if it was new.
If I buy you a dress, will you go to Jacksonville with me?
Maybe, if you buy me a pretty one.
- Will you go now?
- I can't. 
The stores ain't open now.
- Don't you trust me?
- Sure. 
I just want the dress first.
Okay. 
Give us a little kiss.
Does that mean you're gonna buy me something?
I told you I would, didn't I?
Okay, but just a little one.
Hey! 
Is that what you call a little one?
- Hey.
- What?
Come here.
I think we'd better get started, don't you?
I'll wait for you in the car.
Don't take too long, though.
Won't you even sit close to me?
Not until you buy me something pretty.
[SINGING]
- You didn't have to wait up for me.
- Shut that door.
All I was doin' was just dancin'.
Come here.
Come here!
You ain't mad, are you?
Dear God.
No use trying to kid ourselves.
We're losing.
This woman is in worse condition today than when she walked into this office two years ago.
The divorce, you mean?
No, it's more than that.
I don't believe the divorce actually affected her seriously.
Bonnie is the only thing with her, not Ralph or marriage... and that's the discouraging part of it.
The truth is, neither Eve Black... nor Mrs. White is a satisfactory solution.
Neither of them is really qualified to fill the role of wife, mother... or even a responsible human being.
A victory for either would be disastrous... no solution whatever.
And as for memories... infancy, childhood...
Perhaps I should say childhoods... because she says she's been coming out since she was six...
An empty, almost abnormally normal history.
Some patients are really so inconsiderate.
They are, indeed.
It wouldn't have hurt her to have had some sort of dreadful, shocking experience... when she was little, something rather nasty she saw in the attic.
[BUZZER RINGING]
- Yes?
- Miss Black is here.
Miss Black?
- Miss Eve Black.
- Tell him I'm all decked out for him.
She's all dressed up for you, very pretty, with flowers in her hair.
Miss Eve Black in person.
Wanna try hypnosis again?
You mean keep punting and wait for a fumble?
- How do you do, Miss Black?
- Well, both docs.
You gonna protect him against me?
The way you look this morning, I'm not so sure he'd want me to.
Well, say, you look pretty sharp yourself, you know that?
She's your patient, Doctor.
I'm much too old for that sort of thing.
He's pretty cute sometimes, don't ya think?
He's a living doll.
Will you come in?
Maybe I'd like him better than I do you.
- What's the idea of all this?
- I wouldn't let her come back.
- Why not?
- 'Cause something's wrong.
- You think so?
- Well, she tried to kill herself last night.
Something's wrong somewhere.
- How did she try to kill herself?
- With a razor blade.
She's feeling awfully low, and when I got what she had in her mind... it near about scared me half to death.
Because if somebody didn't stop her, I'd be gone too, you know what I mean?
Go on.
Well, there wasn't anybody else there but me... so when she went in the bathroom and she locked the door, look.
She made one slash, and then I got out, and I made her drop the blade... and I got it and threw it away.
It was a close call.
- Do you think she meant it?
- I know she meant it.
If it'd been me, I wouldn't have meant it.
I might be trying to scare somebody or fool them or somethin'... but I wouldn't go that far, you know what I mean?
- I understand.
- But she was really leveling.
She really was gonna kill herself if I hadn't stopped her.
When you said there was something wrong somewhere... did you mean something more than the effort to kill herself?
- I sure did.
- What?
Now I'm having blackout spells too.
You mean, lapses of time when you don't remember what's happened?
Let me tell you, it scares me too.
- May I speak to Mrs. White?
- Of course.
Mrs. White?
Eve Black tells me you were very low.
Yes, I was.
Would you mind going under hypnosis again?
If you say so.
All right. 
Now, relax...
completely.
When I count to three... you'll be in a deep hypnotic state.
You understand? 
All right, now.
One...
Your eyelids are getting heavy... very heavy.
Two...
Relax.
Three.
Who are you?
- Who do you think?
- I have no idea.
May I ask who you are?
I don't know that either.
- Would you excuse me for a minute?
- Certainly.
How's your heart?
Can you take another one?
- You're kidding?
- Come on.
Do you remember Dr. Day?
- How do you do, Doctor?
- How do you do?
- Well, then you must be Doctor...
- Luther.
Luther. 
Yes, of course.
I should have known.
You mean, you have heard of me?
Yes, through both Eve White and Eve Black.
Not unfavorably, I trust.
On the contrary, they think very highly of you, both of them.
Are we to understand...
This is a little awkward, but, are we to understand that you're no longer Mrs. White?
No, I'm not.
- Nor Eve Black?
- No.
Then may I ask what is your name?
I don't know.
Well, you do know Mrs. White and Miss Black, don't you?
I know them in a way.
I don't think I know them very well.
You know they're...
Yes, I understand that.
It's a pretty bewildering thing too, isn't it?
I should say you are well within your rights... in so describing the situation... and may I add, it seems to grow no less so with the passage of time.
I wish I understood it better.
How long...
As I say, it's not easy to phrase these questions... without sounding like an idiot, but, how long have you, well, been around?
I don't know, but I don't think it could have been very long.
What do you know about Mrs. White?
What about Jane?
Jane who?
No, I mean for my name. "Jane."
- Well, why Jane?
- Why not?
NARRATOR: 
So now Dr. Luther had three inadequate personalities... to complicate and confuse his search... for one stable and complete woman... all of whom continued to live, so to speak, their own separate lives.
Which would it be, the rollicking and irresponsible playgirl?
EVE: 
Hey, you cut that out!
I don't even know your first name.
MAN: 
Ernie.
EVE: 
Ernie!
[LAUGHS]
The defeated wife?
Hill Brothers.
Hold for just a minute.
- Hold just a moment.
- Hill Brothers.
- Hill Brothers. 
Thank you for waiting.
- Hill Brothers.
What? 
Well, just keep your britches on, sugar foot.
I'll get your party for you.
Let me figure out which one it is.
Okay, that it? 
What?
Well, who are you?
Well, honey, you're not the right one.
No, get off the line. 
You're not...
Look, I don't care who you are.
Blast off, Buster.
Or the pleasant young woman who had no memory?
What, in short, had nature in the first place... intended this woman to be?
Not yet, Janey.
What's the use, Earl?
You did say you loved me, didn't you?
Yes, I did.
Well, then, is it fair to say you love me... but can't marry me without telling me why not?
I just can't. 
I know it isn't fair.
I just can't.
What is it, honey?
Because I'm not gonna let you get away with anything like this.
This means too much to me.
You've got to tell me.
Please, Earl, just don't ask me anymore. 
Please?
I'm sorry, Janey, I've got to.
I... 
I can't give you up without even knowing what's the matter.
All right, then. 
I'll tell you.
Did you read in the newspaper about a month ago... about a multiple personality case... a woman that has three personalities?
- In the Chronicle?
- Yes, that's the one.
- Yeah, I read it. 
What about it?
- I'm that woman.
You're the...
That's right.
But you sound all right.
- Do I?
- You sound fine.
Well, maybe I do... but not the other two.
Other two?
Sure. 
There are two others, you know... and they're very different from me... and I don't even ever know when they're coming out.
Holy Moses.
So that's all there is to it.
Oh, no, it isn't, not by a long shot.
What I mean is... that doesn't scare me.
I feel just exactly the same... exactly as I felt before.
I love you just exactly the same... maybe even more.
Whatever it is, we can handle it together.
Earl, don't you understand?
It's not you marrying me.
It's me marrying anybody.
I'm sick. 
I am mentally sick... and I cannot marry anybody ever.
NARRATOR: 
Then on the afternoon of September 17, 1953...
Mrs. White came to the office for her regular treatment... and died there.
How are you, Mrs. White?
I don't feel very well.
Let's go inside and talk it over, shall we?
- You look tired.
- Yes, I'm very tired.
I seem to be tired all the time now.
Has the lively Miss Black been keeping you out late?
Yes, I guess so.
Anyway, I seem to be forgettin' more than ever now.
Well, that could also be Jane, you know.
Yes, I know.
What do you think of Jane?
Well, from what you've told me...
I hope she'll be the one.
- The one to what?
- To live.
Is that what you think is going to happen... that two of you will eventually disappear?
Don't you?
Well, I have thought so at times.
Well, that's what I think... and I think it'll be Jane... at least, I hope so.
Did you go up Sunday to see Bonnie?
- Yes, sir.
- Did you have fun with her?
I did for a while.
Then I forgot for a while.
Then I came back again before I left.
When... 
When I was saying good- bye to Bonnie... she said to me...
"Don't come back that other way, Mommy.
"I don't like that other way."
- Eve Black?
- I guess when I was up there last month... she must have come out... and she must have been cross with Bonnie... or slapped her or somethin'.
But then she said...
"Come back this way, Mommy, the way you are now,"
so I knew that it must have been Jane... that came out this time when I forgot, and she was sweet to Bonnie.
But then when Papa was driving me out of the yard...
I got the strangest feeling that I wasn't never gonna see her again... that this was the last time.
And I wanted to jump out of that truck and go hug her... and try to explain to her and try to tell her.
But I don't know.
How do you explain to a little girl?
How do you make her understand that her real mommy... isn't ever coming back... but another woman who just looks like her?
Why do you think you'll be one of the ones to go?
Just the way I feel, I guess.
I don't really mind, not anymore.
I'm not fit for her now.
I'm not fit for anything, really.
I know that.
But if it's Jane, if... if she'll just understand... how much a little girl needs love and understanding... then I won't mind dying... you know, if she'll just take good care of her for me.
May I speak to Jane now, please?
Yes, sir.
Jane?
Good morning.
It was me that came out on Sunday... and while I was there... a curious thing happened that I think you might be interested in.
What was that?
Well...
Well, it was this:
Bonnie and her mother were out in the backyard.
They were playing ball, you know, bouncing a ball back and forth.
Now, you ready? 
All right.
Here it comes.
Very good.
Do it again, Mommy.
Okay. 
Here we go.
Look, it's under the house.
That's all right, honey. 
I'll get it.
You wait here, darling.
Mother will get it for you.
Can you see it?
JANE: 
Then when I got under there, a strange thing happened.
Suddenly I was littler.
I was a little girl under the house.
I could smell the odor of fresh earth... like a long time ago... and morning glories... though there are no morning glories growing around there now.
And you still can't remember anything at all about your childhood?
No, not even of being a child.
Do you think Eve White might be able to remember something about it?
- I have no idea.
- May I speak with her, please?
- Of course.
- Mrs. White?
Jane tells me that when she came out up there on Sunday... when you were playing catch with Bonnie... the ball rolled under the house, and she went under after it.
And when she got under there... she had a feeling of being very small... a child... a very curious and somehow frightening feeling, as if she'd been there before.
Now, this had some meaning for her.
Can you remember when you were very little... any experience like that of any kind?
No, sir.
Will you think back to when you were, say, five or six or seven years old... something like that?
No, sir. 
I can't remember anything like that under the house.
Perhaps under hypnosis.
Would you mind?
No, sir, I don't mind.
All right, then.
Will you close your eyes, please? 
Relax.
One... two... three.
Now, I want you to think back to when you were five years old... just a little girl on the farm, a very little girl... playing around the house in the backyard.
Sometimes you play under the house, don't you?
Yes, sir.
Did you ever go under the house for a ball?
I don't remember.
- Was it dark under the house?
- Yes, sir, very dark.
- Did it scare you?
- No, sir.
All right. 
Now you're six...
six years old... still playing around the house... in the backyard.
Do you still go under the house sometimes?
Yes.
Now, can you remember one particular time... when something happened to you when you were under there?
She took...
I don't want to, please.
Did a ball go under the house?
I want my cup.
Florence, give me my blue china cup!
I want my cup.
I don't want to.
I don't like all those flowers.
Please, I don't want to.
Mama, please, I don't want to.
There's too many people.
Please, Mama, don't make me!
Mama, please don't make...
- Mrs. White?
- What were you doing to her?
- Eve?
- Of course. 
What are you tryin' to get at?
I'll tell you what I'm trying to get at.
I'm interested in something that Jane told me... about being under the house, your mother's house... probably when you were about six years old.
It upset Mrs. White very much.
Can you remember what it was?
No, I didn't pay much attention to anything in those days.
- You came out then, didn't you?
- Yeah... but only when I wanted to do something she didn't want to do.
Didn't she ever tell you about all those lickings she got for things she didn't do?
What are you doing out here now?
I didn't call you.
Well, I don't know.
I just had to, I guess.
Do you remember anything about a blue china cup?
I don't remember anything about anything like that. 
How long is this gonna go on?
Until we find out what's the trouble, of course.
- How long do you think that's gonna be?
- I have no idea.
You know what I think?
What?
I think I'm not having much fun anymore.
Well, you're still getting out, aren't you?
Not like I used to.
Is it Jane that's doing that to me?
I don't know.
What do you think?
I wish I knew more about her.
What do you want to know about her?
I don't know.
It's not like it used to be when I knew all about Eve White... and she didn't know anything about me, and there wasn't anybody else.
That's the way I liked it.
It's all changed now, hasn't it?
Now there's Jane.
Yeah.
Do you like her?
- Very much.
- More than you do me?
I don't like anybody more than I do you, really.
You never would go out and have a good time with me, would you?
A psychiatrist can't go out with a patient.
That's against the rules.
Would you go out with me if you wasn't a doctor?
Anytime you'd let me.
Does she know all about what I do?
She tell you?
When I ask her.
- Like about that sergeant?
- Yeah, she told me about that.
That's what I mean. 
Having somebody running all the time telling on you.
Well, you tell me about Mrs. White, don't you?
Yeah, but she don't do anything.
- You know somethin', Doc?
- What?
You remember that red dress, the low- cut one?
How could I forget it?
I want you to have it.
A low- cut dress for me?
I want you to have it if anything happens.
What do you mean, if anything happens?
Something's the matter.
I don't know what it is, but something's the matter.
You don't think we're ever gonna get well, do ya?
Of course I do.
Well, I don't.
I think we're gonna die, all of us.
Eve.
You didn't think I could cry, did you?
You never have before.
You know, I remember the first time I ever saw you.
You was the first one I ever said who I was... first one ever knew me.
You liked that red dress, didn't you?
Very much, indeed.
I think it's a beautiful dress.
Well, I want you to have it... 'cause you're the only one that knows what it's meant to me, the only one.
I know of nothing that's gonna happen to you... but I do appreciate the dress, believe me.
Now may I speak to Jane?
Of course.
Jane?
Good- bye, Doc.
Good- bye, Eve.
Jane?
Yes?
What do you think she meant?
I don't know.
Have you remembered about that blue china cup or under the house?
- No.
- Mrs. White?
No!
No! 
No!
No, Mama, I don't want to!
Mama, please don't make me!
Please!
Please... 
Please...
Please don't make me, Mama! 
Please!
- Jane?
- Please... 
Mama!
What happened, Jane, under the house?
She made me kiss her!
She made me kiss her!
I didn't want to! 
Mama, please!
- I'll beat you!
- I'll beat you!
- I'll beat you!
- Evie!
Evie?
Come on, sugar.
Time to get your clothes on.
I'll be there in a minute, Mama.
Come on, Evie. 
I don't wanna come in there after you.
You come on this minute, you hear?
You got to kiss Grandma good- bye.
Then you won't miss her so much if you kiss her good- bye, sugar pie.
You know that.
Please don't make me.
I don't want to.
- Papa.
- Evie. 
Evie, darlin'.
- Don't let her make me.
- Evie, now, you do like your mommy says.
- Come on, now. 
You give her to me.
- You got to, honey.
- I don't want to!
- Now, baby. 
I know, sugar.
- All you have to do is kiss her on the cheek.
- Don't make me.
- Please. 
I don't want to.
- Then you won't miss her so much.
- I don't want to, Mama!
- Now, you got to kiss her good- bye.
- Please, Mama!
- Then you won't miss her so much.
I don't want to. 
Please, Mama.
- Please! 
Please! 
I don't want to.
- Come on, sugar.
Kiss her good- bye so you won't miss her so much.
Don't make me. 
Don't make me.
[SCREAMING]
She didn't mean any wrong by it.
It's just the way people thought in those days, that if you kissed the dead face... it was a sweet good- bye, and you wouldn't miss her so much.
That's all she meant.
Do you think a great deal about death now?
No.
Just that...
"Life's a city full of straying streets...
"and death's the marketplace where each one meets."
Just that. 
Someday it'll happen.
Who wrote that, that poem?
Shakespeare, wasn't it?
- Where did you learn it?
- In high school.
Mr. Montgomery recited it to us one day.
- Who was Mr. Montgomery?
- The English teacher.
Who was your first teacher... the very first, when you first started going to school?
- That was in Fortsville. 
Miss Bates.
- And the second grade?
Miss Bates in the first grade...
Miss Griffith in the second grade...
Miss Stewart in the third grade... and then we moved to Richmond... and we had Miss Patterson in the fourth grade.
Do you remember all of 'em?
- May I say 'em?
- Go on.
And in Richmond... we lived on Fifth Street.
237 Fifth Street... right next door to the Thompsons...
Rick and Mary Lou Thompson.
And Mr. Thompson worked at the railroad in the machine shop... because I remember one Sunday he took us all down to look at the machines...
Rick and Mary Lou and Florence and myself.
Florence is my cousin.
I remember!
May I speak to Mrs. White?
- Do you have to?
- Mrs. White?
She's gone.
Eve?
- They're gone.
- Eve Black?
They're gone, I tell you, both of them.
They're gone, and there's nobody else here but me.
I know it. 
I can feel it.
And I can remember.
I can remember everything.
Mama and Papa and Bonnie and...
I can remember.
I can remember. 
I can remember.
NARRATOR:
That was in the fall of 1953.
On September 17, 1955...
Dr. Luther received a special-delivery air-mail letter... from Richmond, Virginia.
MRS. WHITE: "Dear Dr. Luther...
"Do you remember what today is?
"It's the second anniversary of that day in your office...
"and still no more Eve White and no more Eve Black.
"That's why we decided it was safe at last to have Bonnie with us...
"and so here we all are...
"Earl and Bonnie and me...
"going home together."

* THE TALL STRANGER *
Calm down, my friend. 
We have a long way to go.
If you're looking for, your weapon, you will not find it.
It was an idea, from Pagones.
He said he'd like to shoot.
My shirt was washed, you too.
Was Pagones idea?
No, it was my idea!
And the boy, who's in the wagon?
He is mine.
Pagones, is it your husband?
My husband died.
It makes me think, the worst I am not!
Almost, that was when, we found him.
His horse was dead and his body was rigid.
It should have been, a long time ago.
Are you going to talk to him, Captain?
Or is it, that I should?
Sir! 
Would you mind coming here?
We would like to know, as it is called.
Bannon.
Ned Bannon!
I imagine the woman, Ellen, told him how to find him.
Yeah, I said that.
Would you mind telling us why he was shot?
I mean, your horse was killed and you with a bullet!
I think you did not understand, sir.
I think we have women and children to care for.
Maybe who shot, come again,
To finish, your work and try to kill it.
We're waiting, Yankee.
I'm traveling to the West!
Where, where?
Will, who will?
Heading to Bishop Valley.
I've never heard of this place!
It's weird, so go there!
I said, I've never heard of this place!
Let him speak, Pagones.
When I reached the roundabout, the railroad,
That's where I think, that they found me,
I saw a small flock of cattle driven,
For anything from a dozen cowboys.
I sat wondering, what was in that group around,
Someone shot the rocks, first against, my horse
Then me!
But why?
Why would anyone shoot if I was not doing anything?
I do not know. 
Maybe I saw something, which I should not have seen!
But did he see? 
Did you see, who shot him?
Not enough clarity.
Have you seen anything?
Wonder who lived here.
Not very particular.
Mum would do her nut.
Yeah, must get back at usual time.
Of course, I'll get it in the neck for not taking the mac this morning.
"I told you so. 
Don't walk there.
I've just finished the floor.
I've had a heavy day.
And don't eat biscuits in the pantry. "
It's bloody murder at tea time.
She thinks she's the only one who does any work.
Let's see.
Be a sparse tea.
Cold meat and potatoes fried up from Sunday on Monday.
Be something out of a tin today.
Tate and Lyle's Golden Syrup.
Dead lion's belly.
Funny symbol.
Fondue Lyle.
Oozing amber from sunken belly.
Busy bees to germinate in flesh.
Sweet for hot buttered toast.
Put that in Riggs' grocery list.
"Item: 
One tin lion brown rotted flesh juice. "
See his face.
Hickory dickory dock.
The mouse ran up the clock.
Someone must be living here.
Oh, hell. 
Shut up.
Bread.
Foss plum field, Plum tree marine apothecary.
Little Women.
Louisa M. Alcott.
Gran had that one.
She's gone, like Grandpa.
Grandpa. 
Fetch bogeymen.
Eat up.
Gravy farmlands on my plate.
Crush it with spoon and pusher.
Watch it flood.
Hills and valleys all go under.
Kettle for a friend.
Scald pot first.
First Commandment.
She looks just like Mum.
Wonder what they laughed at.
And where they went afterwards.
She's just like Mum, you know?
Like that photo in the album at home.
I can remember certain moments very clearly.
Little things.
Pointless, really.
The tiny cut-glass salt cellars... at Mrs. Smith's in Harton.
The salt poured very smoothly on the cold white chicken that night.
The rubber strip around the French windows rubbed between my fingers... a plaything.
Gran sits in faded rust... silk from deep chair.
Four crumbs around a sauce bottle.
I placed them there yesterday.
Funny how Mum's getting more like Gran every day.
I can remember her.
Not Grandpa.
Faceless, as if he sat in the shadow always.
Face turned to the wall.
Scrawny, collarless.
Mum says it all seems Christmases now.
Right.
I will remember now.
When I'm 80, I'll look back at this day, this very minute... and remember that I said I would.
And it'll all be like yesterday.

[theme music plays]
[beeping]
[Captain over intercom] Annuncio?
Annuncio?
Yes, Captain Follenbee.
I want to see you in my cabin immediately.
Did you hear me?
Get here!
Idiot.
Non-compos.
Stupid.
Non-compos.
Dr. Sheffield?
[harmonic electric tones]
[muted speech]
[Novee] I can't make it out.
[Cimon] If I told you it was one of these dots, would you know the difference?
No. 
Which dot is it?
It's a legitimate question.
After all, we'll soon be living on Troas.
For all we know, we may be dying on it.
Nobody's going to die, unless it's from over-eating.
A thousand people did die on it once. 
Mysteriously.
Aren't you interested in finding out why?
We wouldn't be here otherwise.
As far as I'm concerned, Troas is just an ordinary planet.
Why I volunteered for this mission is its only mystery.
A humanitarian impulse, perhaps?
But we all know how vital it is for new and habitable planets to be found and settled, now that the population explosion is out of hand.
Hence, my friend, it's humanitarian to explore Troas.
Buzz off.
Not very shrewd for those of us who wish to be
"in" with the current establishment.
If I volunteered for any reason, it was to have the opportunity of observing a planet with a double sun.
Scientists who specialise in observing suns and stars can afford self-deception.
But such is not the luxury of a medical doctor who observes only man.
How long have you been there?
Just a few minutes, sir.
What do you think you're doing?
Observing.
That doesn't include listening at doorways, does it?
Don't use that tone with me, Cimon.
[chuckles]
I can use any tone I like.
I'm the leader of the expedition.
And without me there wouldn't be an expedition.
Remember it was my research that first came upon the lost colony of Troas.
My investigating thousands and thousands of old books, old documents and rolls of microfilm that got the government to initiate this expedition.
Besides which, as Dr. Novee is aware,
I've been suffering from acute space sickness, and loud noises unnerve me.
[prolonged high-pitched tone] [all laughing]
Gentlemen.
One of these days, Novee.
You've got to remember the boy's a mnemonic.
They're a weird and special lot.
[whirring]
Captain Follenbee?
Come in, Annuncio.
It took enough time for you to get here.
Did it? 
I...
Something wrong?
The stars.
They're so thick.
I never imagined clusters like this before.
Average distance is over a light-year.
They look thick though.
If the lights were out, they'd shine like a trillion.
Sit down, Annuncio.
Come on, come on.
There's no use in standing.
I've missed you the whole trip.
- You feeling better?
- I'm recovering.
Oh, good.
Now we can get acquainted.
Now the Triple G has been on a good many government chartered cruises, Annuncio.
I've never had any trouble.
Now I don't want any trouble.
You understand?
Is this going to be a social visit, Captain?
From your voice on the phone I...
What's the big idea?
I was counting them.
Counting?
You non-compos.
No, this isn't going to be a social visit, Annuncio.
There's a little matter of business we have to talk over.
Now one of my assistants tells me that you want to see the ship's log.
I insist on seeing it.
Why?
I've never had a request like that before.
Not on any of my voyages.
So?
- So where's your authority?
- I'm in Mnemonic Service.
That's authority enough.
Never heard of it.
It is my prerogative to look at anything I like and ask any question I want to.
Well, you can't look at the ship's log.
You've no right to stop me.
Who...
What are you anyway?
Some sort of security agent?
Or just a walking, talking send-up of one?
Why is this ship called the Triple G?
Because that's its name.
Really?
There's no such ship under Earth Registry.
I checked it out before we took off.
The official name is George G. Grundy.
But the Triple G is what everyone calls it.
Let me look at the log.
And after that I wish to speak with the crew.
Oh, the crew, too, huh?
You heard me.
Look, first, I think I'd better speak to your guardian and then I think I'd better keep you in quarters until we land.
[beeping]
Sheffield here.
[Captain over intercom] It's the Captain here, Doctor.
I wonder if you could get over here as quickly as possible.
I've got your protégé with me.
I am not his protégé!
Your ward, Doctor.
Without my permission?
I told you nobody is to see him without my okay.
What are you doing to him?
What am I doing to him?
Now, look, I'm Captain here, Sheffield.
No, you look!
And listen, you keep your hands off that boy.
Is that understood?
Is that very clear?
Hey, I thought psychologists were supposed to control their emotions, eh?
Now you see that he stays put until I get there.
Of all the insufferable, damnable... 
Did you hear?
Oh, could I help it?
You just disturbed an erotic fantasy I was having.
I'm very sorry. 
How dare he tamper with an instrument of mine?
How dare he?
That's what you get for making an instrument of a human being.
- Sheffield, now look-- 
- One minute, Captain.
How are you, Mark?
All I asked was if I could see the log.
He made me come here.
I'm sure he won't mind you're going back to your room now.
Oh, won't I?
I'm responsible for him, sir.
You may go, Mark.
Now what is this?
Isn't that my question?
I'm Captain here.
You keep reminding me.
Well, do you know what that means?
It means I'm absolute ruler on this ship.
And no spy--
Captain, let me explain.
Mark Annuncio is not a spy.
He happens to be in the Mnemonic Service.
Sure, sure, so he said.
To me, it's just secret police in fancy dress.
ln the Mnemonic Service.
Mnemonic coming from the Greek word meaning memory.
I'm sorry, I should have filled you in a little more fully on this.
Well, fill me in, man, fill me in.
But your time is limited.
All right, Captain.
I won't take long.
Tell me how many inhabited worlds you think there are in the Confederation?
Eighty three thousand.
Eighty three thousand two hundred.
- Okay, two hundred.
- What do you think it takes to run an organisation that size?
Computers.
Now let's not play nursery school.
Computers, precisely, but somehow data gets lost.
Every world knows something no other world does.
And so does every other man.
But none of us knows which of our data is useful to the other.
Still, two isolated facts can go together beautifully sometimes.
- That's what computers are for.
- But computers are limited.
They have to be asked questions.
Sometimes it never occurs to people to ask them the right questions.
Therefore, mankind needs a computer that is non-mechanical, that has some imagination.
There is such a computer, Captain, in each and every one of us.
I'll stick to the kind you punch with a button, thank you.
[chuckles lightly]
Captain, don't you ever have a hunch?
Look, is this to the point?
Somewhere inside the human brain is a record of every fact that's ever been impinged upon it.
Very little is consciously remembered, but it's all there.
And a slight association can bring it back to us without us knowing where it came from or why.
Now that is called a hunch or feeling.
Now some people are better at it than others, others are almost perfect, like Mark Annuncio.
So we train them to read, and look and listen and do it better, and more efficiently.
It doesn't really matter what data they collect.
Any datum may be useful.
And every once in a while, an mnemonic makes a correlation no machine could possibly manage.
Wait a minute.
He said there was no ship called the Triple G under Earth Registry.
You mean that he knows every registered ship by heart?
Probably.
And he was counting stars.
It's data.
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.
You see, Captain, actually, Mark is different from us.
He's had an odd, distorted upbringing, so he has a distorted view of life.
It's cause and effect.
You see, mnemonics are taken into the service about the age of five.
ln a sense they're force-grown.
We allow them no contact with normal people, in case they develop normal mental habits.
They're highly-strung, easily upset and easily ruined.
I'm here to see that does not happen.
You see, Captain, Mark is an instrument.
The most valuable instrument there is on this ship.
There are only a hundred like him in the entire galaxy.
All right with the ship's log.
But it's strictly confidential.
Strictly.
And no talking to the crew.
You know what I mean?
The crew aren't to be told about the first expedition.
I shall make sure they don't hear about it from Mark.
- Sheffield?
- Hmm?
What's a non-compos?
[laughing]
Did he call you that?
It's short for non-compos mentis.
Everyone in the Mnemonic Service uses it to refer to everyone else.
But what does it mean?
It's Latin for "not of sound mind".
Oh.
[Cimon] We've just bit into the planet's air covering, which accounts for the sudden increase in deceleration which you're feeling.
The continent which we're now approaching and will land on is mountainous on either seacoast with a long, flat plain in between.
What is not in darkness lies within the red-orange light of Lagrange II or the second sun.
At the moment, only the eastern seacoast lies within the blue-green light of the first sun, or Lagrange I.
Apart from these two suns, our knowledge of the planet is limited.
You will notice, that as the ice-caps vanish on either side of our picture, there's an equal alternation between land and water.
Nothing to whet anyone's interest in the log.
You better be getting back to your cabins.
We'll be landing shortly.
Why is the captain making sure that I won't tell the crew that we're visiting a world on which the first expedition died?
Well, some spacemen, Mark, consider it bad luck to land on such a world, even more so if it appears to look harmless.
"Sucker Bait", they call it.
I can think of 17 habitable planets from which the first expedition never returned.
Yet each one was later colonised.
So why should the crew be afraid?
That's why I wanted to look at the log.
But it never mentions the purpose of this expedition.
Now that wouldn't be unless the purpose was secret, isn't that so?
No, not necessarily.
The name of the ship is the George G. Grundy.
You seem disappointed.
No.
Relieved, actually.
I thought everybody might be lying to me, and not just the captain.
I thought even you lied to me, Dr. Sheffield.
Mark, you mustn't be so suspicious.
I know it is the occupational hazard of the mnemonic, but you really must watch it.
I might be accused of being paranoid.
Could be.
I sometimes believe... paranoia is just another word for perception.
You know, Mark, suspicions aren't always logical.
Usually a planet that's become notorious has evil expected of it.
Now you better sit down 'cause we're going to land soon.
What makes it so much worse is that Troas is so different.
No, it isn't.
But the other expeditions that failed on the other planets were different.
- How do you mean?
- In 16 of the cases, the cause of death was shipwreck and in the remaining case, failure resulted from a surprise attack of indigenous life forms.
Not intelligent, of course.
What's the use?
They're not in the same class as the first Troas expedition.
That consisted of an actual settlement, of 789 men, 207 women, and 15 children under the age of 13.
And they managed to survive for three years with cause of death unknown, except from their own fragmentary report it might have been from disease.
That part is different.
But Troas itself has nothing unusual about it, except of course...
Yes, Mark.
It has two suns, as we all know.
You seem disappointed, Doctor.
Do you expect me to say something else?
No.
[faint electronic whirring]
I judge we're at sea level, with an atmospheric pressure of 800 millimetres of mercury.
That's roughly five percent higher than it is on Earth.
And 200 millimetres of it is oxygen.
It's not bad.
Then there's nitrogen, of course.
The way nature repeats itself like a three-year-old who only knows a few lessons.
It takes half the fun away when you realise that a water world always has an oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere.
Is there anything else in the atmosphere?
Anything else?
So far all we have is oxygen, nitrogen and homely philosophy from dear Uncle Boris.
Under one percent and over one hundredth of percent of hydrogen, helium and carbon dioxide in that order.
Infinitesimal amounts of methane, argon, radon, neon, krypton and xenon, again in that order.
The figures aren't very informative.
Dear Uncle Boris is dreadfully sorry.
What is the carbon dioxide content exactly?
Exactly?
0.016 mm.
That's about half of what it is on Earth.
Anything else?
Water vapour and dust.
And a few million air-borne spores of virulent diseases per centimetre as well.
But that's hardly my province, so I suggest,
Dr. Rodriguez, you start growing your lovely cultures right away.
- [whispering] Hear anything?
- No, nothing.
What the devil are they keeping from us?
It's something, I'll bet on it.
For what good it does.
Ah.
What growths I get look harmless.
Look harmless?
That's what I said.
You need bacteria to look harmful to be harmful?
Surely there are toxins and metabolic processes that can't be analysed by the eye.
Mark.
You get a feeling for these things.
When you've seen as much of the microcosm as I have, you'll learn to sense danger or the lack of it.
Perhaps our dear Fawkes will find danger when he sets out on his surveying journey.
[Fawkes over intercom] No intelligent life, whatever.
No highways, cities, no sign of anything manmade.
No machine civilization, that's all.
Even Neanderthal man built shelters and used fires.
The two main rivers join about 100 kilometres south of the equator, and make it to the ocean in just short of 80 kilometres.
Where it joins the ocean is the natural spot for a metropolis.
So, even if we didn't have a record of the latitude and longitude, we'd know that's where the lost colony must have set up shop.
There isn't much left, is there?
[Fawkes] What do you expect?
It's been over 100 years.
I did land but I didn't stay long.
I think those are burial mounds.
Any actual remains?
- Bones?
- No.
The last survivors didn't bury themselves, did they?
Animals got to them, I suppose.
It was raining when I landed and it was dark, very dark, and very gloomy.
The picture doesn't do it justice.
I felt almost as though there were a thousand ghosts there.
Lurking waiting.
Ghosts?
[shallow chuckling]
It's just a way of talking, Mark.
Don't let your imagination run away with you.
[panting]
It's the air outside.
Yeah, I think so, too.
That's why they're keeping us trapped in here.
Shut up, will you?
You're breaking my concentration.
Who are you telling to shut up?
I'm telling you, sport.
Now, move on.
Okay?
[commotion from crowd]
That's my boy.
Come on.
[grunting, struggling]
[crowd goading]
Cimon, my men are unsettled to say the least.
Now we've been here for two weeks and still no one's allowed off the ship.
Anything wrong with the air?
Not as far as we know.
Why not breathe it then?
Look, a frightened and mutinous crew is the last thing I want.
It's the last thing any of us want.
Didn't you tell them that this was a new planet?
Yes, but--
Well, then can't they understand we're just being cautious?
They're convinced you're hiding something.
Well, you can't blame them for thinking that, can you?
No, I suppose not.
Give me until tomorrow.
Okay, till tomorrow.
The settlement died of disease.
- I'll swear to it.
- It's impossible.
You laymen are all the same, Earth or any other planet.
You think that any bacterium or virus, developing independently on a planet, is bound to find man as succulent as a lollipop.
No, it's sheer childishness.
Man brings his own germs wherever he goes.
Who's to say that maybe the virus of the common cold didn't mutate under some planetary influence into something that was suddenly deadly?
Things like that have even happened on Earth.
The 27 55 para-measles epidemic--
Yes, yes, yes, and the 1918 influenza epidemic and way back to the black plague.
But when has it happened recently?
Granted it was over a century ago, but, still, they had doctors, antibiotics.
The symptoms were those of a respiratory infection, dyspnoea.
- We know that. 
- But I tell you, it couldn't have been infection.
It's just... 
Mathematically it couldn't have been.
Mathematically?
It's you again.
- Yes, sir, it's me.
- How can mathematics--
I have given my professional opinion.
A professional opinion isn't necessarily synonymous
- with an accurate explanation.
- Please, Mark!
I'm not accustomed to having the accuracy of my statements questioned by...
Sheffield, will you take him away and tuck him up in bed and hereafter, keep him out of my sight?
Come along, Mark, let's go.
You stupid non-compos.
You're not an expert on anything.
You've forgotten everything you ever learned, and you never learned very much in the first place.
You better get him out of here, Sheffield, or in two moments, there'll be a murder committed.
- Come on, Mark, let's go.
- That's right, side with them!
- Block out the truth!
- I said, let's go!
Hey, look, I've got to know.
I want to stay.
Cimon, you've got to keep that kid out of my hair.
All right, all right, simmer down, everybody!
I don't suppose there's anyone else who questions Dr. Rodriguez's viewpoint.
There better not be.
Well, then, since there's nothing to fear as far as infection is concerned,
I'm telling Captain Follenbee that the crew may take surface leave.
Also, I see no reason why we shouldn't pass on to the second stage of our investigation.
- Thank goodness for that.
- Well...
Now what I suggest is this, five of us trek out to the settlement site.
Fawkes, because he can handle the coaster,
Novee and Rodriguez to handle the biological data,
Vernadsky and myself to handle the chemistry and physics.
I see no reason why we shouldn't be able to ascertain what killed off the first settlers in a very short time.
The settlement lived there for several years before dying out.
It could be a long time before we're sure we're safe.
But we're not a settlement.
We're a group of specialists looking for trouble.
We'll find it if it's there to find and when we do, we beat it.
And it isn't going to take two years either.
It had better not.
I don't think I'll ever trust you again.
They may take you later on, Mark.
No.
You hate me.
All of you do.
Don't think I don't know it.
And none of you has any right to hold me back.
It could be dangerous.
I don't care.
I've got to find out about this planet.
I've got to.
Dr. Sheffield, you go to Cimon and tell him I'm coming along whether he likes it or not.
I can't do that, Mark.
All right.
If you won't, I will.
And he'll have to commit murder to stop me from going.
You're getting excited.
That's right, I am.
And stop coddling me.
And don't try patronising me as if I were a two-year-old child who didn't know any better.
If you have any sense of ethics left, remember I found this planet.
I did.
It's my planet.
Mine.
Mine.
You're magnifying this out of all proportion, you know.
Oh.
Am I now?
Mark, it is true you did discover there was an early colony on Troas, but you didn't discover the planet itself.
My findings encouraged the government to initiate this mission.
My findings disclosed that perhaps
Troas is habitable.
Therefore, Dr. Sheffield, it's as good as if I'd found the planet.
If we're going to be precise, let us be precise.
All right, Mark.
I'll get you out to the settlement site.
I'll get us both out there.
Stay there and wait.
Of course, I'll wait.
I'm patient, aren't I?
One would think I wasn't.
[knock on door]
Come in.
Oh, Sheffield.
I have a quarrel with you about the men going to the expedition site.
Have you?
You have no one to take care of the mental sciences.
The what?
[chuckles lightly]
I'll be honest with you, Sheffield.
If the authorities had consulted me first,
I never would have agreed you're coming on this expedition at all.
I just don't see the function of a mental science in a mission like this.
And I'm certainly not going to have our findings jeopardised by any more scenes like the ones we had with Rodriguez.
I'm sorry, but the answer is no.
And suppose I told you that the end of the first settlement could possibly be explained, on a simple, psychological basis.
It wouldn't impress me.
Psychologists can usually explain everything and can never prove anything.
Well, let me go into a little more detail.
As you know, Troas differs from every other inhabited world in one major aspect.
It has two suns, two coloured suns.
Now you take a human being, say you or I, now if we were to stand in the full glare of both the suns, we'd cast two shadows.
One blue-green, the other orange-red.
The length of the shadows would vary according to the time of day.
Oh, by the way, have you taken the trouble to verify the colour distribution of those shadows?
The... what do you call them, reflection spectra?
Well, of course, we have.
It's about the same as the radiation spectra.
Aha.
Now the planet's moons, I've been watching that the last few nights.
Have you noticed its colours change position?
Of course they do.
It passes through phases like any other moon.
And have you checked its spectrum?
We may have. 
Not that the results would be of any importance.
Well, I may be able to surprise you.
It's a well established psychological fact that the colours red and green have a deleterious effect on mental stability.
Now here on Troas, we have a situation where the chromopsychic picture, and it's purely to use the technical term, is inescapable.
And it is possible that chromopsychosis could reach a fatal level by inducing hypertrophy of the Trinitarian follicles and consequent cerebric catatonia.
I've never heard of that.
Oh, you're questioning my professional opinion?
No, no, of course not.
Only it's clear from the last reports we had from the expedition that the settlers died from something that sounded like a respiratory disease.
Ah, but Rodriguez denied that and you accepted his opinion.
I didn't say it was a respiratory disease.
I said it sounded like one.
All right, well, if you will accept the fact that the recorded effects were physical, it could have had a mental cause.
Yes, I suppose so.
Oh, there you are.
Makes my theory even more convincing, because chromopsychosis has been known to exhibit itself before, as a psychogenic respiratory infection.
You are aware of psychogenics?
No, it's out of my field, I'm afraid.
Yes, of course.
Well, by my calculations, on the heightened oxygen tension, psychogenic respiratory infections, are both inevitable and severe.
Have you been observing the moon the last few nights?
Yes.
Oh, dear.
It's possible you might be infected already.
The moon's colours have been very virulent the last few nights.
It's nothing painful, believe me.
It's just a slight inflammation of the mucus membrane, a little scratchiness in the throat.
You finding it hard to swallow?
Why, no, not the least bit.
Rodriguez complained of his hearing the other night.
Are you sure your hearing hasn't altered slightly?
What?
You've no right to keep quiet about this, Sheffield.
It's not incurable, is it?
Why didn't you tell us about this before?
Because there's not a word of truth in anything I've said.
There's no harm in colours.
Relax, Cimon. 
You're beginning to look foolish.
You used your professional status to make a fool of me.
I was merely trying to make a point.
Oh, you did that all right.
You want me to take the boy with us.
No.
Definitely no.
Why not?
Out of spite?
Because he's out of his head.
Because he can't be trusted with normal people.
By your standards.
After that scene with Rodriguez, by anyone's.
Mark had every right to ask that question.
It was his job.
It was his duty.
Rodriguez, on the other hand, had no right to be so boorish.
I admit I should have stood up for Mark then and there.
I'll consider Rodriguez first, if you don't mind.
Why?
Mark knows more than he does.
He knows more than you and I if it comes to that.
The bureau issued specific instructions--
I know exactly what the bureau ordered.
They didn't consult me first, but never mind.
I shall co-operate with him just that far.
He will receive all official data here, on the ship.
No!
There on the spot.
Mark may see things our precious specialists may not.
The answer, Sheffield, is no.
Now, please leave.
Well...
I'm afraid if you won't change your mind, the rest of the boys may have to hear about this.
[Sheffield on voice recorder] Are you sure your hearing hasn't altered slightly?
[Cimon on voice recorder] What?
You've no right to keep quiet about this, Sheffield.
It's not incurable, is it?
Why didn't you tell me about this before?
[Sheffield] Because there's not a word of truth in anything I've said.
There's no harm in colours.
I'm prepared to make a deal with you if you're interested.
Will you give me that tape?
Yes, when Mark and I are on the settlement site.
All right...
You and the boy can come with us.
Thank you.
But when we get back to Earth, Sheffield,
I'll see to it that you're de-professionalised.
Another memento.
Pretty?
Turns my stomach.
See that abnormality in the structure?
What do you think it means?
Oh, it could be any number of things.
Silence, yeah.
Silent.
But here underground.
Underground, that's it.
Dead quiet.
But I can see you, all around, trying to creep up on us.
I can see you.
I can see you there.
And there.
You can't hide now.
Fawkes, what is it?
What's wrong?
It's me, man, Novee.
Novee.
They're all around us.
Intelligent beings out there now.
Oh, come on now.
I'm telling you.
I saw one, in the tent, I saw one and out here.
Oh, come on.
You've had a nightmare.
A nightmare?
I'm not so sure.
I thought it might be my imagination.
Maybe it's real.
If you're looking for ghosts again, forget it.
No, this has nothing to do with ghosts.
At least, not ghosts in the usual sense.
Novee, can we be sure those first settlers buried themselves?
Certainly the very last ones didn't.
You yourself said animals probably got at them.
But I didn't specify what kind of animal, did I?
What are you driving at?
Novee, I know it sounds crazy, but I'm sure now there is intelligent life on this planet after all.
The way Sheffield inferred.
Look, we've been here for two weeks.
Surely we would all have seen evidence of...
An elusive race?
Oh, come on.
Your nerves are getting--
You don't believe there could be a race of beings living underground?
Haunting that first settlement with a deadly perseverance?
Fawkes, I think you should go inside and lie down.
Until tonight, I thought it might be my imagination.
I pictured a sort of silent bacteriological warfare.
- Now, Fawkes-- 
- No, listen.
But, now, I'm sure there are people working away beneath the tree roots, culturing moulds and spores, developing a special spore that could feed on human beings and then...
And then?
Your imagination give out?
[whispering] Novee, look!
Behind that rock.
It's something alive!
You see, it's not my imagination.
It's not.
Hey, don't shoot.
Don't shoot.
It's... 
It's only me.
What are you doing here?
Watching.
Watching?
Watching what?
I woke up and came out.
Why were you watching?
I was just watching you.
Why didn't you open your mouth and let us know you were there?
If I had, you wouldn't have let me stay.
You say anything about this to the others and I'll--
About what?
You were seeing things, that's all.
Just keep quiet about it or you'll find--
A murder will be committed.
I know.
I've even remembered to watch the calories.
Hope we don't have that lean and wan look when we get back.
Everyone will think we've used official funds for a bit of skylarking.
Clown.
Bad temper at meal times?
Mother doesn't approve.
Here we are.
Oh, come on.
Eat your dinner, gentlemen.
I've tasted it.
It's good.
It's tough, whatever it is.
- But beautifully cooked.
- Bet it kills us.
The hamsters have been living on it for two weeks now.
Mm-hmm.
And the rats have never had such vim and vigour.
What about those rats that died last week?
They were vigorous ones, too.
But they died from herbs which contained lead, copper and mercury.
No, I assure you, gentlemen,
Uncle Boris' stew lacks any ingredient high in heavy metal content, you'd know by the taste if it did.
Anyway, it wasn't heavy metal poisoning that killed the settlers.
The symptoms aren't right for it.
Look, suppose this stuff contains some kind of alkaloid that could paralyze the nerves controlling the lung muscles.
Hamsters have lung muscles.
Maybe it's a cumulative thing.
All right.
Anytime your breathing gets difficult, you go back to ship rations and see if you'll improve.
I will not have my culinary arts criticised anymore.
Anything the matter?
No.
No, I was just recalling something.
An old monograph I once read, very old one.
I don't know why it should come to mind just now but it does.
[clicking]
[whirring, feedback]
[whirring, feedback]
You want something?
Just watching.
Well, if you must, you must, I suppose.
But, look, stand back there, eh?
Not over my shoulder.
- Sorry.
- It's all right.
Is that a nuclear metre you're working with?
That's right.
Has a force field generator at the top, so it can penetrate any rock.
Here.
[loud whirring]
You see?
Along the sides of the uniped are microscopic atomic furnaces, each of which vaporises about a million molecules in the surrounding rocks, and decomposes them into atoms.
The atoms are then differentiated and you read the results of the dials above. 
Do you follow?
No, but it's good to store away facts for future reference.
We end up with figures on the different elements in the crust.
Now, it's interesting.
You see, Troas has a more even distribution of elements than we usually meet.
They're heavy metals.
They are ten to 100 times as concentrated as they are on Earth.
And the lighter elements, they are also better distributed as well.
Take for instance what we call the rare lights, that's lithium, beryllium and boron.
Now they're lighter than carbon.
They are very rare on Earth.
But Troas, however, is enormously rich in them.
The three together total, well, four tenths of one percent of the crust, as compared to Earth's four-thousandths of one percent.
I see.
You know something, young man?
It's good to find somebody who actually listens to me.
Is it?
Well, I suppose a man gets lonely and frustrated when there's no one in his own line to talk to--
Do you have you the exact figures on those elements?
Yes.
May I see it?
I suppose so.
Here.
- Have you finished?
- Yes, I've got it all.
Don't publish the results before I do, eh?
Publish?
I was joking.
Joking?
You're all the same.
You're trying to make fun of me.
I thought you were different.
You're just like the others.
There's only one thing to do.
Where are you rushing to?
To the air coaster.
I haven't had a chance to see it yet.
Of course you have, on several occasions.
Everyone was always around.
I want to see it once for myself.
Come to think of it, I'd like to see it too.
You don't mind if I come along, do you?
If you insist.
What's that?
A piece of rock.
What does it look like?
Just in case if anyone should try and stop me.
Throw it away, Mark.
You can hurt someone with that.
No. 
No, I'm not throwing it away.
[chuckles]
I can see a botanist like Fawkes being able to run one of these contraptions.
I can run one.
You?
Why not?
I've watched Fawkes run it, and I've read enough manuals about how to operate one.
[high-pitched whirring]
Well, that's nice.
We have a spare navigator in case of emergency.
[thud]
I'm sorry, Dr. Sheffield, but this is an emergency.
[Mark] People died out there.
Only we haven't.
We spent weeks at that settlement.
We found nothing.
Those precious scientists who've been misleading you ever since we left Earth, haven't found anything to explain what happened.
So the deaths must have been caused by something they don't know anything about.
We're in danger?
Something that could be killing all of us, right now.
Come on, let's go for the captain.
[hissing]
[hissing fades to monotonous high-pitched tone]
All right, we're on our way.
Well, where is the boy?
He's being held in his cabin as you instructed.
We'd better get him in here.
How about Sheffield?
Novee is with him.
He hasn't come around yet.
[groans, struggles] Easy now.
You've had a bad concussion, nearly a fracture.
- Where are we?
- In space.
Where's Mark?
- Take it easy.
- Where is he?
I'm placing you under arrest, Annuncio.
When that nursemaid of yours comes around,
I'm going to try you both for mutiny.
Dr. Sheffield had nothing to do with it.
But he was responsible for you.
If he'd done his job properly, we wouldn't be in this mess now.
You've ruined weeks of research and nearly killed five men.
If the Captain hadn't brow-beaten the crew into picking us up, we'd still be at the settlement site marooned.
I didn't intend that.
But then why?
What got into you?
Well, speak up, boy.
Mark, you've got to tell us.
- Come on, why?
- If you don't, we'll make you.
Well?
Because you wouldn't have listened to me.
None of you.
You're all too smug and jealous.
Jealous of me, because I know more than you'll ever begin to know.
[Rodriguez] Now, look here you--
You're like everybody with only a bit of knowledge.
Proud and afraid.
Afraid of not knowing.
Like all non-compos, the lot of you.
Non-compos.
Non-compos.
All right, all right, let the boy--
I've had about as much as I can-- 
- Stop it!
- Let him go!
You keep out of this, Sheffield.
If hadn't been for you, this never would have happened.
Not now, Dr. Cimon.
You and the boy are both under arrest and you'll be confined to your quarters until we can set your trial up.
- What for?
- For mutiny, Doctor.
Dr. Sheffield had nothing to do with it.
I told you.
You will try us?
Yes, strictly according to Galactic law.
What's the sentence if we are found guilty?
There's not much doubt about that.
If you're found guilty, you'll both be sentenced to death.
May I talk to him?
Okay, go ahead.
How did you force the captain to leave Troas, Mark?
By telling the crew about the first expedition.
You knew what would happen if you did.
Yes.
At least, I saw it as a possibility.
Why did you do it?
Well, it seemed to be the lesser of the two evils.
It was important that we get away from Troas without losing a minute.
Telling the crew about the first expedition seemed the fastest way of getting us off the planet.
Why was it so important to get us off?
Because it was only a matter of time before we died.
I wanted to tell you, Dr. Sheffield, but...
Well, you vacillate.
One minute you seem to be on my side, the next, you're on the safer side.
I couldn't risk trusting you.
And I certainly couldn't trust the others any more than they've ever trusted me.
So you thought you had to take some action of your own?
Yes, sir.
All right, Mark, tell me.
What do you think did kill the first settlers?
The dust.
The dust in the air!
It's got beryllium in it.
Ask Dr. Vernadsky.
What's that?
Sure.
It was part of the information you gave me.
Beryllium was very high in the crust, so it must be in the dust in the air as well.
So what if beryllium is there?
Supraberylliosis, that's what.
An extreme case of beryllium poisoning.
If you breathe beryllium dust, non-healing granulomata form in the lungs.
And what's in the blood can cause skin and bone deformation.
Anyway, it gets difficult to breathe and eventually you die.
You don't know what you're talking about. 
You're not a physician.
I read about it, in an old book about poisons.
The one I told you about.
It was so old it was printed on actual sheets of paper.
The library had some and I went through them because it was such a novelty.
All right. 
What did you read?
Can you tell me?
Yes.
Word for word.
"Beryllium serves to derange a number of enzyme-catalysed reactions.
Since the lungs have no way of excreting beryllium, diverse metabolic derangements, causing serious illness and death, can result from inhaling beryllium dust, containing certain beryllium salts.
The onset of symptoms is insidious, sometimes being immediate, but sometimes being delayed for as long as three years after exposure.
Prognosis is not good."
Novee, what is all this?
Is what he's saying making any sense?
It seems as if it might be.
I don't know though.
I've never read up on it.
No case ever required me to do so.
Isn't beryllium used for anything?
Not that I can think of.
Wait a minute...
I think it was used in the early days of atomic power, and primitive uranium piles as a neutron decelerator.
I'm almost sure of that.
It isn't used now, though?
As far as I know.
I also think beryllium-zinc coatings were used in the first fluorescent lights.
Not anymore.
No, not anymore.
All right, now listen, all of you.
I can vouch for Mark's ability to recall.
It's my opinion beryllium is poisonous.
Only in concentrated forms.
Well, on Earth, there's no danger because the content of the soil is low.
When man concentrates beryllium to use in nuclear piles of fluorescent lights, he comes across its toxicity and looks for substitutes.
So he finds them and forgets about beryllium.
So when we come across a beryllium-rich planet like Troas, we just can't work out what hit us.
Until someone like Mark Annuncio comes along and does the one thing that we can't do.
He remembers.
Novee what does he mean when he says, "Prognosis is not good"?
It means that if you've got supraberylliosis, you won't recover.
I suppose the symptoms are dyspnoea and--
Yes, sometimes neural disorders leading to hallucinatory visions.
Skin disfiguration?
Appearing first on the hand, or at the lower part of the neck.
I think that when we get back to Earth, we should get under medical investigation as soon as possible, all of us.
Do we have a chance?
Well, if we're not going to recover? 
What use is it?
Medical science has advanced since the days of the early settlers.
Anyway, we may not have received the toxic dose.
The settlement survived for over a year of continuous exposure.
Fortunately, we've only had a month.
I guess that's that.
[rumbling]
What are you thinking about?
That I might die.
I've never been conscious of my own death before.
Now I am.
And I'm thinking, if I do die, there are so many things...
So many things in the universe that I'll never learn never know.

A DAIEI CO. 
LTD. 
PRODUCTION
ZATOICHI'S REVENGE
Original story by KAN SHIMOZAWA Screenplay by MINORU INUZUKA
Cinematography by FUJIO MORITA
Art Direction by YOSHINOBU NISHIOKA
Original Music by AKIRA IFUKUBE Edited by HIROSHI YAMADA
Starring:
SHINTARO KATSU
MIKIKO TSUBOUCHI, NORIHEI MIKI
TAKESHI KATO FUJIO HARUMOTO, MAYUMI KURATA
SACHIKO KOBAYASHI SANPEI TAIRA, SABURO DATE
SONOSUKE SAWAMURA KOJI FUJIYAMA, YUSAKU TERASHIMA
Directed by AKIRA INOUE
Nice, warm sunshine.
Thank you very much.
O glorious sunshine, as you see, Ichi gratefully partakes of a meal made possible by the blessing of your warm rays.
Tastes so good.
Oops.
Now what am I going to do?
This could be tricky.
I guess I should have eaten it sooner.
Are you sure that's Zatoichi?
Looks like any other blind man.
But in Shimodate they say he took on the magistrate's men and the Shoten family too.
He apparently went on a rampage.
He's not going to be easy.
Right. 
Why else would Kichibei Shoten put ten ryo on his head, plus give us three ryo each up front?
So what do you want to do?
He's a blind fool on his own.
What chance does he have if two strong swordsmen fall on him?
Right. 
Take him by surprise and he's ours.
A fire.
Just what I needed.
Hey, blind man.
What's your name?
Ichi.
I don't know who sent you, but you only get one life.
You should guard it more carefully.
Azabu Bridge.
Brings back memories.
I wonder how Master Hikonoichi is.
It'd be a shame to pass this close and not see him.
Maybe I'll pay him a visit.
There's that palanquin again tonight.
A secret trip to the brothel, no doubt, but I wonder who it is.
Say, my friend.
Could you get me a couple more pieces of oden?
Yes, sir.
Thanks.
Could you pass me the mustard?
- Sure.
Thanks.
It's so much better with hot mustard.
Take it easy, mister.
That's way too much.
It'll go to your eyes.
Nah, don't give me that.
The best flavor isn't when you have a little mustard with the oden.
It's when you have a little oden with the mustard.
That's the right way to eat oden.
There. 
Now it's ready.
Are you all right?
Gave you a bit of a kick, did it?
The mustard was so tasty, it made my eyeballs jump out of their sockets, and now I can't see you anymore!
That's funny, coming from a blind man.
Hey! 
Aren't you Ichi?
And you are?
I thought you looked familiar, and I was right.
You're Ichi.
It's me. 
Yasaku.
- Yasaku?
You know.
The one who ran a candy store.
- The candy store Yasaku?
- That's right.
- It's been a long time.
- It certainly has.
Let me pour you a drink.
That's right. 
It's been nearly ten years since I left here.
Has it really been that long?
Tell me, Yasaku.
I suppose things have changed a bit around here.
They sure have.
There are probably few left who would remember you.
I imagine you're right.
But you know, Ichi, it's really such a shame about Master Hikonoichi.
What do you mean?
What happened?
You mean that's not what you're here for?
No.
Master Hikonoichi is dead.
Dead?
It must have been two weeks ago now.
He was killed.
- Killed? 
By whom?
They still don't know.
It apparently happened very quickly, so the killer must have been a swordsman of considerable skill.
Was Master Hikonoichi alone?
His daughter was with him.
His daughter? 
You mean Osayo?
What happened to her?
She was unharmed.
You'll find her at the Chojiro now.
The Chojiro?
I guess you wouldn't know it.
It's a brothel run by Tatsugoro.
He's been the boss around here since sometime after you left.
She's working under the name of Nishikigi.
Osayo's working in a brothel?
We've got the best girls.
Do stop in.
Please come right on in.
TATSUGORO
We've been expecting you.
Please come in.
I've been so busy it was hard to find the time.
But once I've made up my mind, nothing can keep me away.
By the way, what's the story with the girl named Nishikigi?
I'm terribly sorry, but she is still ill.
I've reserved her for you as soon as she's well.
In the meantime, we have a special treat for you tonight.
A virgin we've been saving especially for you.
Another thing, Tatsugoro:
You asked about opening another brothel in Toka-machi the other day.
I hope you haven't forgotten what I asked of you then.
I was planning to bring it to you tomorrow, sir.
Remember, it's 50 ryo.
Make sure there's no mistake.
Also, you can't collect taxes if you worry about how the farmers feel.
Yes, sir.
I understand, sir.
Right this way, sir.
Now, don't forget.
Please enjoy yourself.
He's so full of himself, the Lord Lecher.
- Conceited son of a bitch.
- Always acting like a big shot.
At heart he's nothing but a lecher.
Living big off our earnings.
I'd like to take my nails to that horse's ass of a face.
It's all on account of him and the boss that my mom and dad have to go hungry.
Stop whining.
You know it doesn't do any good.
I told you to stop moping.
The magistrate is here.
Come pour him a drink.
Such delicate hands.
Please have a drink.
What are you girls looking so sullen about?
You have to look happy.
Call out to passers-by with a smile.
- Good evening.
- Come right in.
What do you want?
This is the Chojiro, right?
Are you a customer?
Can't a blind man be a customer?
I didn't mean to imply that.
I heard you had a lot of pretty young girls here, so I thought I'd have myself a good time.
Here's a tip for you.
- That's very kind of you!
Did you have a particular girl in mind, sir?
A girl named Nishikigi.
I'd like her for the whole night.
I'm terribly sorry, sir, but Miss Nishikigi is out with another customer right now.
But we have lots of other pretty girls.
Girls with the smoothest skin you ever saw.
If it's a matter of an hour or two, I'll wait.
Unfortunately, sir, she'll be gone for the entire night.
- Perhaps another time, then.
- Don't say that sir.
Now that you're here, you might as well stay and have a good time.
I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
What?
The money I gave you.
I want it back.
You want your money back?
What do you expect?
No one leaves a tip when they haven't even been entertained.
Take your damn money!
- Are you a masseur?
- He's a customer.
I'm also a masseur.
Then you're just the person I need.
So you'll do it?
It'll be a little later, so if you could just have a seat for now over here.
This isn't the sort of thing we'd want getting out, but your customer is the magistrate.
The magistrate, at a brothel?
Please, not so loud.
Wait here until I come to get you. 
All right?
All right, honey.
You know what you have to do.
It doesn't do any good to keep moping like this.
How can I get that through your thick skull?
Or do you want to wind up like Nishikigi - beaten and locked up in the storehouse with no food?
Of course you don't.
So come on.
- Good evening.
- Who are you?
- I'm the masseur.
- Masseur? 
You'll be needed later.
That's all right, Oshika.
I'll have my massage first.
As you wish, sir.
We'll be right back, then.
Go ahead with the massage.
Come with me.
How many times do I have to tell you?
Please, ma'am!
Please don't hurt me!
It's a pleasure, sir.
What do I have to do to get through to you?
They're all like that when they're still young buds.
That's why it's such a joy to make them open their petals.
Indeed, sir.
That's about enough.
Don't want to damage our merchandise.
Have you learned your lesson yet, Osayo?
It wouldn't be this way if Hikonoichi had gotten that promotion.
But instead, he's dead, I'm out the 100 ryo I lent him.
That leaves you to work off your father's debt.
But what do you do?
You refuse to sleep with our customers.
Unfortunately, that's not a luxury you can afford.
Stop being so prudish and you could have yourself a merry old time.
You should just be thankful I'm the one you're dealing with.
No one else would go so easy on you.
I suggest you think about that.
What is it?
Nothing, I guess.
Osayo.
Osayo.
Who are you?
When you were seven or eight, you used to sing:
The monkeys at Sanno Shrine
Love their little red suits
I'm Ichi from Kasama.
I often sang that song with you as we climbed Mount Taro together.
Master Ichi?
So you remember me?
It's really been much too long.
I came here hoping to see your father.
But my father -
Yes, I heard.
Why would anyone wish to strike down such a good man?
And you, Osayo.
Why are you locked up in a place like this?
It's all my fault.
Please take this 100 ryo, Master Hikonoichi.
It's the least I can do for you.
That's very kind of you, Boss.
I truly appreciate the thought.
But I want to earn this rank myself, without outside help.
So, although I appreciate the thought,
I must decline the loan.
But why?
Add this 100 ryo to the 200 you've saved, and it makes 300.
With 300 ryo, you can go to Kyoto and receive the rank now.
Father, it's a shame to turn down such kindness.
Why don't you accept the loan and go to Kyoto?
It will make everyone in Azabu proud to hear that one of our own masseurs has gained the top rank.
So why wait until year after next?
Go and get it now.
Father!
Please don't die, Father!
Father!
Osayo, you said when your father was killed, you found the toggle from a medicine caddy in his hand.
Do you still have it?
Yes, I do.
Maybe it was a premonition, or maybe it was because Master Hikonoichi was calling me, that I happened to come across Azabu Bridge today.
Osayo, don't despair.
I promise I'll get you out of -
Here's your dinner.
Are you a masseur?
That's perfect.
Could you give my dad a massage?
- Where do you live?
- Right upstairs.
Dad, I brought you a masseur.
Thanks.
Please come right in.
This way.
Thank you.
I'm much obliged.
Can I offer you a drink?
Pour yourself a couple.
I'll be just a second.
Thank you.
There's a cup right there.
Here, Otsuru.
Put this on a minute.
This is for me?
That's right. 
I bought it for you.
What do you think?
It's the prettiest kimono I've ever had.
It looks great on you.
What do you think, mister?
Isn't it a great pattern?
Oh, yes.
You really can't beat a flower pattern.
What are you talking about?
There's not a flower in sight.
Such nice colors, too.
Red, yellow, lavender.
Nice try, fella.
There's not even a hint of yellow or lavender.
Go downstairs and show it off to the ladies.
Dad.
Thanks.
She reminds me more of her mother every day.
Her mother's no longer with you?
No, she left us when Otsuru was three, which would be exactly eight years ago now.
But let's not talk about sad things like that.
Pour me a drink, will you?
I'm sorry.
I've been hogging the bottle.
What's the matter?
It seems to be empty.
Empty?
You mean you drank it all?
- I guess I got carried away.
- I'll say.
Let me give you that massage.
That's a fine girl you have there, mister.
It can't have been easy for a man to raise a daughter single-handedly.
Single-handedly is right.
I raised her literally with this one arm.
This one arm?
Then I'll have to give this arm special attention.
Yes, indeed, it's an invaluable arm.
I think I can guess how you make your living.
Go ahead. 
Guess.
These fingers feel like they've had some experience with sleight of hand.
I would wager, sir, that the things you do with this arm and hand don't let you swagger around too much in broad daylight.
You don't happen to do acupuncture, too, do you?
Why do you ask that?
That was a real sharp jab.
Very clever, sir.
Do enough massages and you get a feel for such things.
Have you been in town long?
I've been away, but I came back to visit my former teacher.
You don't mean the late Master Hikonoichi by any chance?
You knew him?
Hardly. 
I don't generally associate with masseurs.
May I ask, sir, have you been working for the boss here for long?
Not all that long, really.
From what I gather, the boss seems to be doing very well for himself.
That's for sure.
Not only has he been given a constable's hook and rope, but he owns the Chojiro brothel.
On top of that, he runs a dice game as well.
He's a real big man around these parts.
So the dice game is where this arm of yours comes in?
That's about the size of it.
Do you ever play dice yourself?
You could say that.
I'd rather play dice than eat.
Is that right?
Come around noon tomorrow.
I'll help you make a nice pile with this arm of mine.
I'll be much obliged.
- Where'd you find her?
- Kashima Beach.
She'd almost reached the border of Shimosa Province.
I don't appreciate the trouble you put us through.
I promise you, you'll never get away.
Take that, bitch.
Bring her over here.
Please, ma'am.
This is too cruel.
Too cruel?
Why should I have to put myself to shame in this filthy brothel?
I don't deserve this.
- Don't deserve this?
You've got some nerve.
Your family owed back taxes and could have gone to prison, so Boss Tatsugoro made arrangements with the magistrate to save you.
My family never asked the boss to do that.
He just - 
- Shut up!
I did it because I felt sorry for you.
You ungrateful bitch!
That ought to teach you.
You never paid our taxes.
You never loaned us money.
It's all lies!
It was nothing but a trap.
How can you be so cruel?
Dokichi, throw her in the storehouse.
Mister!
Mister.
Are you Otsuru from last night?
Uh-huh.
Where are you going?
Back to town.
I'll go with you, then.
That's kind of you.
What brings you out here?
I went on an errand for my father.
I really love my father.
I love him more than anything else in the whole wide world.
I bet you do.
Fathers don't come any nicer.
What do you love most?
Well, let me think.
The sunshine, I suppose.
The sunshine?
Sunshine is always so nice and warm.
I love my father most, and after that I love songs.
Songs?
Yeah, songs are great, too.
Why don't you sing me one?
Let's see. 
What shall I sing?
Do you know this one?
The monkeys at Sanno Shrine
Love their little red suits
I was asked last night to the Ebisu Feast -
To the Ebisu Feast -
I forgot the words.
Sea bream in the soup and sea bream on my plate
Wasn't that it?
You know it?
I used to sing it often when I was your age.
One bowl, slurpy-slurp
A second bowl, slurpy-slurp
What's wrong?
May I ask a favor of you, Otsuru?
What?
You know that young lady who's locked up behind the brothel?
I want you to buy her something good to eat.
Is she someone you know?
Sort of.
And if anything happens to her, I want you to come tell me.
I'm staying at the Umada Inn.
The Umada Inn?
I know where that is.
- Here's a little tip for you.
- I don't need that.
You can buy something for your father.
Thank you.
Now, could you sing that song for me again from the beginning?
The monkeys at Sanno Shrine
Love their little red suits
I was asked last night to the Ebisu Feast
Sea bream in the soup
Don't look back. 
Keep going.
And sea bream on my plate
One bowl, slurpy-slurp
A second bowl, slurpy-slurp
A third bowl, I wanted more But all the fish was gone
Here we go.
All right, place your bets.
Even.
Odd.
- The bets are in.
- What do we have?
Five and two, odd.
Damn!
I seem to be having all the good luck.
Here we go.
Place your bets.
Even.
I'll go with odd again.
- The bets are in.
- What do we have?
Four and three, odd.
The dice keep coming up odd today.
- You're having quite a run.
- Yes, I am, thank you.
Hey there, mister.
Looks like you're doing pretty darn well.
The gentleman from last night?
You're right.
I've won quite a pile.
I think you've done enough damage.
I suggest you cash in and go home.
Luck seems to be on your side.
Shall we raise the stakes?
Are you going to handle the cup?
Yes.
Blind man.
How about betting that cane of yours instead of money?
I'll put down ten ryo against that cane.
You must be kidding, sir.
A blind man's cane is his lifeline.
You want me to bet my lifeline for ten ryo?
Make it 100 ryo, then.
One hundred ryo?
One hundred ryo for an old beat-up cane like this?
You're on.
Are you sure?
How will you walk without that cane?
If the cup's in your hands,
I'd even be willing to stake my life.
All right.
Even.
My bet's on odd.
What do we have?
I believe they've come up odd.
What do we have?
Four and six, even.
Sorry, mister.
You're luck's run out.
The dice in the sake bottle, are they even too?
Four and three, odd.
So that's what it means to handle a dice cup for a living.
You play dice with sake bottles, too.
A very interesting twist.
Blind man.
We're not through, you and me.
What about my 100 ryo, sir?
That man I was betting against just now -
He's employed by your boss, is he not?
So?
A man betting on behalf of the house engages in sleight of hand, then refuses to hand over the money he lost.
Would someone care to tell me what happens next?
Get lost.
All right, then.
I suppose I'll have to help myself.
Son of a bitch.
That's 100 ryo.
Thank you very much.
Give that money back, you son of a bitch!
It must be Zatoichi!
Hey, mister.
I'm sorry about what happened back there.
I was only doing what I was told.
Forgive me.
I may be blind, sir, but I've drifted through this world long enough to know how things work.
I don't hold anything against you.
It's a relief to hear you say that.
You'll forgive me, then?
Thank you.
There was one thing I wanted to ask you.
That samurai who told me to bet my cane -
What can you tell me about him?
That's Koheita Kadokura, Boss Tatsugoro's chief enforcer.
I figured as much.
Now, you take good care of that little girl of yours.
Thank you.
Idiots!
One blind man against all of you?
You should be ashamed!
Sorry, Boss, but he's -
Enough excuses!
Go find the bastard right now!
Hurry up! 
Get out of here!
A bunch of good-for-nothing blockheads!
I wonder where that Denroku has disappeared to.
He was supposed to be the best dice handler in the country, damn it!
Master Kadokura.
You've got some explaining to do.
I think this bastard must be the man known as Zatoichi.
Zatoichi?
He's a real wild one.
He even broke into a guard station once.
You think he might have something on us?
We can be pretty sure of that.
Then do something about him, Master Kadokura.
I'm way ahead of you.
I lost the toggle to that medicine caddy when I killed Hikonoichi.
The blind man has it.
So that's why he's here?
You have a visitor upstairs?
It's Magistrate Isoda.
What?
He's even dragging old tax ledgers out of the storehouse?
Yes, sir.
Please return immediately.
You damn idiots!
Why didn't you do something to hold him off?
There wasn't anything we could do, sir.
Good-for-nothing fools!
What did this inspector say his name was?
- Jingo Odate.
- Odate?
It's him!
Damn it!
Help me get ready!
Hello, sir.
Tatsugoro, I need 100 ryo right away.
100 ryo?
An inspector from the fief is turning my office upside down.
So you figure you'll slip him a bribe?
Hurry up. 
If he finds out we've been dipping into the taxes, it'll be as bad for you as for me.
I'm well aware of that.
Hurry up!
What do you think you're doing?
Who's the inspector?
- Jingo Odate.
- Odate?
You can't buy him off for 100 ryo.
Not even for 1000 ryo.
How can you be so sure?
For this 100 ryo, I'll take care of the problem for you.
If you want to keep your dirty little scheme from the fief, there's only one thing to do.
You're going to kill Odate?
You have any other ideas?
I once dreamed of becoming inspector myself.
You toadied to the higher-ups and became magistrate, while Odate took the straight and narrow and became inspector.
And me?
I sank to being a two-bit bodyguard for the boss here.
Three samurai belonging to the same fief, and now our paths cross in this curious way.
That's life, I guess.
- Look, Kadokura.
- Don't worry.
I'll make sure suspicion doesn't fall on you.
Besides, there's nothing left for me in this backwater town anyway.
You're the best, Master Kadokura.
We know we're safe in your hands.
Right, Magistrate?
Forget the flattery.
Even if it's for 100 ryo,
I don't particularly relish cutting down a man I know.
At any rate, I'll take care of Odate.
But you've got another thorn in your side, someone who could be a lot pricklier than Odate.
- Who do you mean?
- Zatoichi.
I'll kill him, too, before I leave town.
But I suggest you watch your step until then.
What is this crap?
These ledgers are a complete fraud.
But the magistrate himself approved -
That's no excuse.
This one, and this one, and these too - all the same bunk.
This is totally unacceptable.
I've never seen such carelessness and fraud.
Isoda may be in charge, but that doesn't absolve the rest of you.
Where's Isoda now?
I'll go to him.
Bring me my horse.
Well, sir -
What're you waiting for?
Get moving!
A bowl of noodles, please.
Masseur, we meet again.
You're the samurai from earlier?
Have a drink.
Much obliged.
Sake sure is tasty, no matter where you are or who you're with.
Would it be so tasty if you knew it was to be your last drink?
When will it be?
When will what be?
The settling of scores between you and me.
If you mean the 100 ryo from the bet,
I've already received it.
Stop playing games.
When will it be?
I'd really rather not, but -
You say when.
At dusk today.
Where?
Utsune Bridge, on the highway.
Utsune Bridge it is.
I suppose I'm actually the one who should be requesting this match.
Utsune Bridge at dusk.
Be there.
Otsuru.
The blind man asked me to give you this.
If you're still hungry, just let me know.
He gave me lots of money for you.
Thank you so much, Otsuru.
He's a really nice man.
He sings good too.
You know that song you taught me about the monkeys at Sanno Shrine?
He knows that song too.
Is that right?
Well, I'll bring you something else later.
The monkeys at Sanno Shrine
Love their little red suits
You said you knew how to handle the cup!
- I'm terribly sorry, Boss.
- "Denroku the Sly Weasel," my foot!
But it's true!
That's how I'm known among those who handle the cup.
When the stakes are high and the chips are down, this arm of mine can make the dice do whatever I want.
That's why they call me Denroku the Sly Weasel.
Idiot!
You're no sly weasel, you're a fart.
Instead of us getting his cane, he took us for 100 ryo, and on top of that he cut down five of our good men.
- He really is amazing.
- This is no time to be impressed!
I can't very well continue to feed you for nothing.
- Excuse me?
- I'm telling you you're fired.
Boss, that's cruel.
I have a daughter to support.
You can leave Otsuru with me.
I can make good use of her in a couple of years.
That's even worse, Boss.
I wanted Otsuru to have a normal life.
Please, Boss.
- That's too bad.
I lost 100 ryo to that bastard because you screwed up.
Or would you like to go swipe that cane of his yourself?
His cane?
That's right, his cane.
At any rate, I want you out of here.
Just leave Otsuru behind.
Understand?
Tatsugoro.
Kadokura said he'd kill Zatoichi, but we can never be too sure.
Get someone to my office right away.
And?
Call in all your men and start combing the town.
We're going to charge Zatoichi with the murder of Inspector Odate.
Excellent idea.
No sense in taking any chances.
We have to assume that blind bastard knows too much.
Get to it.
Yes, sir.
Look, Boss, about what you were saying -
I said you're finished.
I want you out of here tonight.
- But what about Otsuru?
- She's security for the 100 ryo.
Hey, you!
Get all the men together and start combing the town for Zatoichi.
Get to your feet, Zatoichi.
I believe this belongs to you.
I'm going to kill you to get that back.
Who told you to kill Master Hikonoichi?
Tatsugoro.
He was acting on orders from the magistrate.
Now that you know that, die!
Looks ready.
Nice and hot.
Here. 
Eat.
What's the matter?
I don't want to be separated from you, Dad.
Were you listening earlier?
Just let me worry about that.
Here. 
Eat.
I'm not going to let it happen.
The question is how to get my hands on that cane.
Otsuru?
Where'd that rascal disappear to?
Damn it. 
Doesn't she have any idea what I'm going through?
Why does she suddenly have to be so difficult?
It's hard enough for me as it is.
UMADA INN
Who's there?
It's me. 
Otsuru.
Oh, Otsuru.
Come on in.
Is something wrong?
I just wondered if I should get anything else for Osayo.
I see.
That's very nice of you.
Let me think.
What did Osayo like?
Maybe you can get her some inari.
I remember she liked inari.
You can buy her some inari,
and some sweet rice milk.
Take this and buy enough for both of you, all right?
Otsuru?
Dad, look.
- What's that?
- The blind man's cane.
Ichi's cane?
It's the real thing.
If you have this, we don't have to be separated, right?
We can stay together now, right, Dad?
That's right.
If I take this to them, they won't throw me out.
How in the world did you get it?
I tricked him and ran off with it.
Tricked him?
That sounds more like something I -
Thanks, Otsuru.
So Ichi killed Kadokura, did he?
That's perfect.
Dead men don't talk.
Hikonoichi's killer is dead, the pesky inspector is out of our hair, and Zatoichi is wanted for murder, just as we planned.
I assume your men are out in force around town?
They're going house to house with your officers, so I'm sure they'll bring Zatoichi to us before morning.
Out of the way!
If anybody sees this blind man, we want to know right away.
You'll be sorry if you try to hide him. 
Understand?
- Any luck?
- No.
What's this all about?
What's going on?
They're looking for the guy who cut down that officer outside town.
They say the killer's a blind man called Zatoichi.
Otora, you made sure the back gate is locked, didn't you?
- What's all this fuss about, anyway?
- Haven't you been paying attention?
There's a massive search on tonight for a blind man named Zatoichi.
He murdered a fief official, and he killed Master Kadokura too.
Be careful.
Hey, watch out.
Is that you, Tome?
You didn't see the boss, did you?
He's on the hunt with the magistrate.
I suggest you get off the street and stay out of trouble.
Go jump in a lake.
Hey, give me a bottle of cold sake, will you?
No, none of this small stuff.
I want a big cup.
You know, my friend, children really are something special, aren't they?
So special they bring tears to your eyes.
Damn it!
What I want to know is, where's Boss Tatsugoro?
Where the hell is he hiding himself?
I'm gonna throw this cane in his face and tell him a thing or two.
Look here.
Denroku the Sly Weasel is known for coming through when the chips are down.
With Denroku the Sly Weasel, you have to stick around to the very end.
That's what I'm gonna tell him.
You know, a blind man may be in a bad way without his cane, but the fact is,
I'd be in a bad way without my Otsuru, too.
She's my only child.
She's my cane.
Hey, give me another.
You're a lucky man to have a daughter who loves you so much.
When Otsuru, in her desperation, came and took my cane,
I couldn't help envying you.
The father of a girl like that shouldn't be making his living by cheating at dice.
Master Denroku, isn't it time you made a clean break from all that?
Huh?
Forgive me, Master Ichi.
Please forgive me.
If I'd only had more of a spine,
Otsuru wouldn't have had to do that.
Master Ichi, please forgive me.
Hey, bring us more sake!
More sake!
Lay off, damn it!
You're drunk out of your gourd.
I want you and you on guard at Azabu Bridge.
The rest of you spread out up and down the river.
Go take another look on the outskirts of town.
With the net we've spread, not even Zatoichi can get away.
He's like a cornered rat.
We'll just relax here while we wait.
Your cornered rat is right here.
Who is it?
How'd you get in here?
That's quite a greeting.
You could at least thank me for saving you the trouble of finding me.
Over here we seem to have Magistrate Isoda.
And you're Tatsugoro.
The dirty schemes you two have been up to -
No, that can wait.
If you know what's good for you,
I suggest you not get any stupid ideas.
You don't want to end up like this cushion.
There you go.
Have a seat.
Are you deaf?
What are you trying to do?
Now, now, no need to be so tense.
I'll give you a nice massage.
Boss, pour me a cup of tea, will you?
- Who do you think - 
- Tatsugoro!
Tea. 
Tea!
Magistrate Isoda!
We've combed the entire town, but we can't find Ichi anywhere.
Look nearby. 
Look nearby.
How can I make it any clearer?
Look nearby!
Look near -
Yes, sir.
We'll go search nearby.
Very clever. "Look nearby."
Boss, is my tea ready yet?
- What do you think you're doing?
- I'm terribly sorry, sir.
Here she is, Ichi.
Osayo.
What about the rest of the girls?
They're all taken care of.
- You bastard!
- Hold it right there, Boss.
Denroku the Sly Weasel lives by turning the tables at the last moment.
Perhaps you'd like a whiff of the fart you called me.
Too bad.
Nothing at the moment.
You son of a bitch!
Sit down!
Now, Boss, you claim Osayo belongs to you as settlement for your 100 ryo,
but actually you had already stolen 200 ryo from her father.
It's time to peacefully hand over her bond.
You refuse?
All right, if that's how you want it -
He'll hand it over.
You will, right?
I'll get it for you.
Here you go, Osayo.
This one's yours.
Congratulations.
Next,
I want the bonds for the other girls, too.
They're all right here.
To think that such flimsy little pieces of paper could be the source of so much suffering and tears.
One more thing, Denroku.
I want you to get all the money the boss has on hand.
That should cover the 200 ryo he stole from Master Hikonoichi, and whatever's left you can split up among those poor young ladies.
You can't do that!
We can do this another way, if you prefer.
No? 
You want me to get it?
Very good. 
I'll get the money.
Out of my way.
Here's the money.
Denroku, I'm putting you in charge of this money.
Sure. 
I'll take care of it.
Open your mouths.
Chew it well before you swallow, gentlemen.
Denroku,
I'll take these two out the front way.
You take Osayo out the back.
On your feet.
Master Ichi.
Osayo,
I'll be visiting your father's grave in the morning.
What's going on, Boss?
It's Zatoichi!
Don't try anything, or they'll both be dead.
Move it.
Get him!
Hurry!
What's going on here?
Are you trying to let the girls go?
Wait a second.
There!
Take this, you sons of bitches!
Hurry!
What are you waiting for?
Capture him!
Master Ichi, forgive us, we beg you.
Please spare us.
I want both of you to come with me out in front of the Chojiro.
There are some people waiting for you there.
Master Ichi.
The monkeys at Sanno Shrine
Love their little red suits
I was asked last night to the Ebisu Feast
Sea bream in the soup
And sea bream on my plate
I can't seem to get it right.
I wonder what's keeping Ichi.
Osayo.
- Have you seen Master Ichi?
- No.
He did indeed visit the grave.
I found this.
I wonder where he went.
Master Ichi.
Master Ichi.
Master Ichi.
O glorious sunshine,
I pray you fill their lives with happiness.
THE END

ZATOICHI'S REVENGE
Original story by KAN SHIMOZAWA Screenplay by MINORU INUZUKA
Starring:
SHINTARO KATSU
NORIHEI MIKI MIKIKOTSUBOUCHI
Directed by AKIRA INOUE
Nice, warm sunshine.
Thank you very much.
O glorious sunshine... as you see, Ichi gratefully partakes of a meal... made possible bythe blessing of your warm rays.
Tastes so good.
Oops.
Now what am I going to do?
.
This could be tricky.
I guess I should have eaten it sooner.
Are you sure that's Zatoichi?
.
Looks like any other blind man.
But in Shimodate they say he took on the intendant's men... and the Shoten family too.
He apparentlywent on quite a rampage.
He's not going to be a pushover.
Right. 
Why else would Kichibei Shoten put ten ryo on his head... plus give us three ryo each up front?
.
So what do you want to do?
.
He's a blind fool on his own.
What chance does he have if two strong swordsmen fall on him?
.
Right. 
Take him by surprise and he's ours.
A fire.
Just what I needed.
Hey, blind man.
What's your name?
.
Ichi.
I don't know who sent you... but you only get one life.
You should guard it more carefully.
Azabu Bridge.
Brings back memories.
I wonder how Master Hikonoichi is.
It'd be a shame to pass this close and not see him.
Maybe I'll pay him a visit.
There's that palanquin again tonight.
A secret trip to the brothel, no doubt, but I wonderwho it is.
Say, my friend.
Could you get me a couple more pieces of oden?
Yes, sir.
Thanks.
Could you pass me the mustard?
.
Sure.
Thanks.
It's so much better with hot mustard.
Take it easy, mister. 
That's way too much. 
It'll go to your eyes.
Nah, don't give me that.
The best flavor isn't when you have a little mustard with the oden.
It's when you have a little oden with the mustard.
That's the right way to eat oden.
There. 
Now it's ready.
Are you all right?
.
Gave you a bit of a kick, did it?
.
The mustard was so tasty... it startled my eyeballs right out of their sockets... and now I can't see you anymore!
That's funny, coming from a blind man.
Hey!
Aren't you Ichi?
.
And you are?
.
I thought you looked familiar... and I was right. 
You're Ichi.
- It's me. 
Yasaku.
- Yasaku?
.
You know.
The one who ran a candy store.
- The candy store Yasaku?
.
- That's right.
- It's been a long time.
- It certainly has.
Let me pour you a drink.
That's right. 
It's been nearly ten years since I left here.
Has it really been that long?
.
Tell me, Yasaku.
I suppose things have changed a bit around here.
They sure have.
There are probably few left who would remember you.
I imagine you're right.
But you know, Ichi... it's really such a shame about Master Hikonoichi.
What do you mean?
.
What happened?
.
You mean that's not what you're here for?
.
No.
Master Hikonoichi is dead.
Dead?
.
It must have been two weeks ago now.
- He was killed.
- Killed?
. 
Bywhom?
.
They still don't know.
It apparently happened very quickly... so the killer must have been a swordsman of considerable skill.
Was Master Hikonoichi alone?
.
His daughterwas with him.
His daughter?
.
You mean Miss Sayo?
.
What happened to her?
.
She was unharmed.
You'll find her at the Chojiro now.
The Chojiro?
.
I guess you wouldn't know it.
It's a brothel run byTatsugoro.
He's been the boss around here since sometime after you left.
She's working under the name of Nishikigi.
Miss Sayo's working in a brothel?
.
We've got the best girls.
Do stop in.
Please come right on in.
"Tatsugoro"
We've been expecting you.
Please come in.
I've been so busy it was hard to find the time.
But once I've made up my mind, nothing can keep me away.
By the way, what's the story on the girl named Nishikigi?
.
I'm terribly sorry... but she is still ill.
I've reserved her for you as soon as she's well.
In the meantime, we have a special treat for you tonight.
Avirgin we've been saving especially for you.
Another thing, Tatsugoro:
You asked about opening another brothel in Toka-machi the other day.
I hope you haven't forgotten what I asked of you then.
I was planning to bring it to you tomorrow, sir.
Remember, it's 50 ryo.
Make sure there's no mistake.
Also, you can't collect taxes if you worry about how the farmers feel.
Yes, sir.
I understand, sir.
Right this way, sir.
Now, don't forget.
Please enjoyyourself.
He's so full of himself, the Lord Lecher.
- Conceited son of a bitch.
- Always acting like a big shot.
At heart he's nothing but a lecher.
Living high off our earnings.
I'd like to take my nails to that horse's ass of a face.
It's all on account of him and the boss... that my mom and dad have to go hungry.
Stop whining.
You know it doesn't do any good.
I told you to stop moping.
The intendant is here.
Come pour him a drink.
Such delicate hands.
Please have a drink.
What are you girls looking so sullen about?
.
You have to look happy.
Call out to passers-by with a smile.
- Good evening.
- Come right in.
What do you want?
.
This is the Chojiro, right?
.
are you a customer?
.
Can't a blind man be a customer?
.
I didn't mean to imply that.
I heard you had a lot of pretty young girls here... so I thought I'd have myself a good time.
- Here's a tip for you.
- That's very kind of you!
Did you have a particular girl in mind, sir?
.
A girl named Nishikigi.
I'd like her forthewhole night.
I'm terribly sorry, sir... but Miss Nishikigi is out with another customer right now.
Butwe have lots of other pretty girls.
Girls with the smoothest skin you ever saw.
If it's a matter of an hour or two, I'll wait.
Unfortunately, sir, she'll be gone for the entire night.
- Perhaps another time, then.
- Don't say that sir.
Now that you're here... you might as well stay and have a good time.
I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
What?
.
The money I gave you.
I want it back.
You want your money back?
.
What do you expect?
.
No one leaves a tip when they haven't even been entertained.
Take your damn money!
- are you a masseur?
.
- He's a customer.
I'm also a masseur.
Then you're just the person I need.
So you'll do it?
.
It'll be a little later... so if you could just have a seat for now over here.
This isn't the sort of thing we'd want getting out... but your customer is the intendant.
The intendant, at a brothel?
.
Please, not so loud.
Wait here until I come to get you. 
All right?
.
All right, honey.
You know what you have to do.
It doesn't do any good to keep moping like this.
How can I get that through your thick skull?
.
Or do you want to wind up like Nishikigi--
beaten and locked up in the storehouse with no food?
.
Of course you don't.
So come on.
Good evening.
Who are you?
.
- I'm the masseur.
- Masseur?
. 
You'll be needed later.
That's all right, Shika.
I'll have my massage first.
As you wish, sir.
We'll be right back, then.
Go ahead with the massage.
Come with me.
How many times do I have to tell you?
.
Please, ma'am!
Please don't hurt me!
It's a pleasure, sir.
What do I have to do to get through to you?
.
They're all like that when they're still young buds.
That's why it's such a joy to make them open their petals.
Indeed, sir.
That's about enough.
Don't want to damage our merchandise.
Have you learned your lesson yet, Sayo?
.
It wouldn't be this way if Hikonoichi had gotten that promotion.
But instead, he's dead, I'm out the 100 ryo I lent him.
That leaves you to work off your father's debt.
But what do you do?
.
You refuse to sleep with our customers.
Unfortunately, that's not a luxuryyou can afford.
Stop being so prudish and you could have yourself a merry old time.
You should just be thankful I'm the one you're dealing with.
No one elsewould go so easy on you.
I suggest you think about that.
- What is it?
.
- Nothing, I guess.
Miss Sayo.
Miss Sayo.
Who are you?
.
When you were seven or eight, you used to sing:
The monkeys at sanno shrine
Love theirlittle redsuits
I'm Ichi from Kasama.
I often sang that song with you as we climbed Mount Taro together.
Master Ichi?
.
So you remember me?
.
It's really been much too long.
I came here hoping to see your father.
But my father--
Yes, I heard.
Whywould anyone wish to strike down such a good man?
.
And you, Miss Sayo.
Why are you locked up in a place like this?
.
It's all my fault.
Please take this 100 ryo, Master Hikonoichi.
It's the least I can do for you.
That's very kind of you, Boss.
I truly appreciate the thought.
But I want to earn this rank myself... without outside help.
So, although I appreciate the thought, I must decline the loan.
But why?
.
Add this 100 ryo to the 200 you've saved, and it makes 300.
With 300 ryo, you can go to Kyoto and receive the rank now.
Father, it's a shame to turn down such kindness.
Why don't you accept the loan and go to Kyoto?
.
It will make everyone in Azabu proud... to hear that one of our own masseurs has gained the top rank.
So whywait until year after next?
.
Go and get it now.
Father!
Please don't die, Father!
Father!
Miss Sayo, you said when your fatherwas killed... you found the toggle from a medicine caddy in his hand.
do you still have it?
.
Yes, I do.
Maybe it was a premonition... or maybe it was because Master Hikonoichi was calling me... that I happened to come across Azabu Bridge today.
Miss Sayo, don't despair.
I promise I'll get you out of--
Here's your dinner.
are you a masseur?
.
That's perfect.
Could you give my dad a massage?
.
Where do you live?
.
Right upstairs.
Dad, I brought you a masseur.
Thanks.
Please come right in.
- This way.
- Thank you.
I'm much obliged.
Can I offer you a drink?
.
Pour yourselfa couple.
I'll be just a second.
Thank you.
There's a cup right there.
Here, Tsuru.
Put this on a minute.
- This is for me?
.
- That's right. 
I bought it for you.
What do you think?
.
It's the prettiest kimono I've ever had.
It looks great on you.
What do you think, mister?
.
Isn't it a great pattern?
.
Oh, yes. 
You really can't beat a flower pattern.
What are you talking about?
.
There's not a flower in sight.
Such nice colors, too.
Red, yellow, lavender.
Nice try, fella.
There's not even a hint of yellow or lavender.
Go downstairs and show it off to the ladies.
Dad.
Thanks.
She reminds me more of her mother every day.
Her mother's no longerwith you?
.
No, she left us when Tsuru was three... which would be exactly eightyears ago now.
But let's not talk about sad things like that.
Pour me a drink, will you?
.
I'm sorry.
I've been hogging the bottle.
What's the matter?
.
It seems to be empty.
Empty?
.
You mean you drank it all?
.
- I guess I got carried away.
- I'll say.
Let me give you that massage.
That's a fine girl you have there, mister.
It can't have been easy... for a man to raise a daughter single-handedly.
Single-handedly is right.
I raised her literally with this one arm.
This one arm?
.
Then I'll have to give this arm special attention.
Yes, indeed, it's an invaluable arm.
I think I can guess how you make your living.
Go ahead. 
Guess.
These fingers feel...
like they've had some experience with sleight of hand.
I would wager, sir... that the things you do with this arm and hand... don't let you swagger around too much in broad daylight.
You don't happen to do acupuncture, too, do you?
.
Why do you ask that?
.
That was a real sharp jab.
Very clever, sir.
Do enough massages and you get a feel for such things.
Have you been in town long?
.
I've been away... but I came back to visit my former teacher.
You don't mean the late Master Hikonoichi by any chance?
.
You knew him?
.
Hardly. 
I don't generally associate with masseurs.
May I ask, sir... have you been working for the boss here for long?
.
Not all that long, really.
From what I gather... the boss seems to be doing very well for himself.
That's for sure. 
Not only has he been given a constable's hook and rope... but he owns the Chojiro brothel.
On top of that, he runs a dice game as well.
He's a real big man around these parts.
So the dice game is where this arm of yours comes in?
.
That's about the size of it.
do you ever play dice your self?
.
You could say that.
I'd rather play dice than eat.
Is that right?
.
Come around noon tomorrow.
I'll help you make a nice pile with this arm of mine.
I'll be much obliged.
Where'd you find her?
.
Kashima Beach. 
She'd almost reached the border of Shimosa Province.
I don't appreciate the trouble you put us through, Takenoo.
I promise you, you'll never get away.
Take that, bitch.
Bring her over here.
Please, ma'am.
This is too cruel.
Too cruel?
.
Why should I have to put myself to shame in this filthy brothel?
.
I don't deserve this.
Don't deserve this?
.
You've got some nerve.
Your family owed back taxes and could have gone to prison... so Boss Tatsugoro made arrangements with the intendant to save you.
My family never asked the boss to do that. 
He just--
Shut up!
I did it because I felt sorry for you.
You ungrateful bitch!
That ought to teach you.
You never paid our taxes.
You never loaned us money.
It's all lies!
It was nothing but a trap.
How can you be so cruel?
.
Dokichi, throw her in the storehouse.
Mister!
Mister.
- are you Tsuru from last night?
.
- Uh-huh. 
Where are you going?
.
Back to town.
I'll go with you, then.
That's kind of you.
What brings you out here?
.
I went on an errand for my father.
I really love my father.
I love him more than anything else in the whole wide world.
I bet you do.
Fathers don't come any nicer.
What do you love most?
.
Well, let me think.
The sunshine, I suppose.
The sunshine?
.
Sunshine is always so nice and warm.
I love my father most, and after that I love songs.
Songs?
.
Yep, songs are great, too.
Why don't you sing me one?
.
Let's see. 
What shall I sing?
.
do you know this one?
.
The monkeys at sanno shrine
Love theirlittle redsuits
I was asked last night to the Ebisu Feast--
To the Ebisu Feast--
I forgot the words.
sea bream in the soup and sea bream on myplate
Wasn't that it?
.
You know it?
.
I used to sing it often when I was your age.
One bowl, slurpy-slurp
A second bowl, slurpy-slurp
What's wrong?
.
May I ask a favor of you, Tsuru?
.
What?
.
You know that young lady who's locked up behind the brothel?
.
I want you to buy her something good to eat.
Is she someone you know?
.
Sort of.
And if anything happens to her, I want you to come tell me.
I'm staying at the Umada Inn.
The Umada Inn?
.
I know where that is.
- Here's a little tip for you.
- I don't need that.
You can buy something for your father.
Thank you.
Now, could you sing that song for me again from the beginning?
.
The monkeys at sanno shrine
Love theirlittle redsuits
I was asked last night to the Ebisu Feast
sea bream in the soup
Don't look back. 
Keep going.
And sea bream on myplate
One bowl, slurpy-slurp
A second bowl, slurpy-slurp
A third bowl, I wanted more But all the fiish was gone
Here we go.
Al I right, place your bets.
Even.
Odd.
- The bets are in.
- What do we have?
.
Five and two, odd.
Damn!
I seem to be having all the good luck.
Here we go.
Place your bets.
Even.
I'll go with odd again.
- The bets are in.
- What do we have?
.
Four and three, odd.
The dice keep coming up odd today.
- You're having quite a run.
- Yes, I am, Thank you.
Hey there, mister.
Looks like you're doing pretty darn well.
The gentleman from last night?
.
You're right.
I'vewon quite a pile.
I think you've done enough damage.
I suggest you cash in and go home.
Luck seems to be on your side.
Shall we raise the stakes?
.
Will this gentleman be handling the cup?
.
Yes.
Blind man.
How about betting that cane of yours instead of money?
.
I'll put down ten ryo against that cane.
You must be kidding, sir.
A blind man's cane is his lifeline.
You want me to bet my lifeline forten ryo?
Make it 100 ryo, then.
One hundred ryo?
.
One hundred ryo for an old beat-up cane like this?
.
You're on.
are you sure?
.
How will you walk without that cane?
.
If the cup's in your hands...
I'd even bewilling to stake my life.
All right.
Even.
My bet's on odd.
What do we have?
.
I believe they've come up odd.
What do we have?
.
Four and six, even.
Sorry, mister.
You're luck's run out.
The dice in the sake bottle... are they even too?
.
Four and three, odd.
So that's what it means to handle a dice cup for a living.
You play dice with sake bottles, too.
A very interesting twist.
Blind man.
We're not through... you and me.
What about my 100 ryo, sir?
.
That man I was betting against just now--
He's employed by your boss, is he not?
.
So?
.
A man betting on behalf of the house... engages in sleight of hand... then refuses to hand over the money he lost.
Would someone care to tell me what happens next?
.
Get lost.
All right, then.
I suppose I'll have to help myself.
Son of a bitch.
That's 100 ryo.
Thank you very much.
Give that money back, you son of a bitch!
It must be Zatoichi!
Hey, mister.
I'm sorry about what happened back there.
I was only doing what I was told.
Forgive me.
I may be blind, sir... but I've drifted through this world long enough to know how things work.
I don't hold anything against you.
It's a reliefto hear you say that.
You'll forgive me, then?
.
Thank you.
There was one thing I wanted to ask you.
That samurai who told me to bet my cane--
What can you tell me about him?
.
That's Koheita Kadokura, Boss Tatsugoro's chief enforcer.
I figured as much.
Now, you take good care of that little girl of yours.
Thank you.
Idiots!
One blind man against all of you?
.
You should be ashamed!
Sorry, Boss, but he's--
Enough excuses!
Go find the bastard right now!
Hurry up! 
Get out of here!
A bunch of good-for-nothing blockheads!
I wonderwhere that Denroku has disappeared to.
He was supposed to be the best dice handler in the country, damn it!
Master Kadokura.
You've got some explaining to do.
I think this bastard must be the man known as Zatoichi.
Zatoichi?
.
He's a real wild one. 
He even broke into a guard station once.
You think he might have something on us?
.
We can be pretty sure of that.
Then do something about him, Master Kadokura.
I'm way ahead of you.
I lost the toggle to that medicine caddy when I killed Hikonoichi.
- The blind man has it.
- So that's why he's here?
.
You have a visitor upstairs?
.
It's Intendant Isoda.
What?
.
He's even dragging old tax ledgers out of the storehouse?
.
Yes, sir.
Please return immediately.
You damn idiots! 
Why didn't you do something to hold him off?
.
There wasn't anything we could do, sir.
Good-for-nothing fools!
What did this inspector say his name was?
.
-Jingo Odate.
- Odate?
.
It's him!
Damn it! 
Help me get ready!
- Hello, sir.
- Tatsugoro...
- I need 100 ryo right away.
- 100 ryo?
An inspector from the fief is turning my office upside down.
So you figure you'll slip him a bribe?
.
Hurry up. 
If he finds out we've been dipping into the taxes... it'll be as bad for you as for me.
I'm well aware of that.
Hurry up!
- What do you think you're doing?
.
- Who's the inspector?
.
-Jingo Odate.
- Odate?
.
You can't buy him off for 100 ryo.
Not even for 1000 ryo.
How can you be so sure?
.
For this 100 ryo, I'll take care of the problem for you.
If you want to keep your dirty little scheme from the fief... there's only one thing to do.
You're going to kill Odate?
.
You have any other ideas?
.
I once dreamed of becoming inspector myself.
You toadied to the higher-ups and became intendant... while Odate took the straight and narrow and became inspector.
And me?
. 
I sank to being a two-bit bodyguard for the boss here.
Three samurai belonging to the same fief... and now our paths cross in this curious way.
That's life, I guess.
- Look, Kadokura.
- Don't worry.
I'll make sure suspicion doesn't fall on you.
Besides, there's nothing left for me in this backwater town anyway.
You're the best, Master Kadokura.
We know we're safe in your hands.
- Right, Intendant?
.
- Forget the flattery.
Even if it's for 100 ryo...
I don't particularly relish cutting down a man I know.
At any rate, I'll take care of Odate.
But you've got another thorn in your side... someone who could be a lot pricklier than Odate.
Who do you mean?
.
Zatoichi.
I'll kill him, too, before I leave town.
But I suggest you watch your step until then.
What is this crap?
.
These ledgers are a complete fraud.
- But the intendant himself approved-- 
- That's no excuse.
This one, and this one... and these too-- all the same bunk.
This is totally unacceptable.
I've never seen such carelessness and fraud.
Isoda may be in charge, but that doesn't absolve the rest of you.
Where's Isoda now?
. 
I'll go to him.
Bring me my horse.
- Well, sir-- 
- What're you waiting for?
. 
Get moving!
A bowl of noodles, please.
Masseur, we meet again.
You're the samurai from earlier?
.
Have a drink.
Much obliged.
Sake sure is tasty, no matter where you are or who you're with.
Would it be so tasty if you knew it was to be your last drink?
.
When will it be?
.
When will what be?
.
The settling of scores between you and me.
If you mean the 100 ryo from the bet, I've already received it.
Stop playing games.
When will it be?
.
I'd really rather not, but--
You say when.
At dusk today.
Where?
.
Utsune Bridge, on the highway.
Utsune Bridge it is.
I suppose I'm actually the one... who should be requesting this match.
Utsune Bridge... at dusk.
Be there.
Tsuru.
The blind man asked me to give you this.
If you're still hungry, just let me know.
He gave me lots of money for you.
Thank you so much, Tsuru.
He's a really nice man.
He sings good too.
You know that song you taught me about the monkeys at Sanno Shrine?
.
He knows that song too.
Is that right?
.
Well, I'll bring you something else later.
The monkeys at sanno shrine
Love theirlittle redsuits
You said you knew how to handle the cup!
I'm terribly sorry, Boss.
"Denroku the Weasel," my foot!
But it's true! 
That's how I'm known among those who handle the cup.
When the stakes are high and the chips are down... this arm of mine can make the dice do whatever I want.
That's why they call me Denroku the Weasel.
Idiot!
You're not a weasel, you're a fart.
Instead of us getting his cane, he took us for 100 ryo... and on top of that he cut down five of our good men.
- He really is amazing.
- This is no time to be impressed!
I can't verywell continue to feed you for nothing.
- Excuse me?
.
- I'm telling you you're fired.
Boss, that's cruel.
I have a daughter to support.
You can leave Tsuru with me.
I can make good use of her in a couple of years.
That's even worse, Boss.
I wanted Tsuru to have a normal life. 
Please, Boss.
That's too bad. 
I lost 100 ryo to that bastard because you screwed up.
Orwould you like to go swipe that cane of his yourself?
.
His cane?
.
That's right, his cane.
At any rate, I want you out of here.
Just leave Tsuru behind.
Understand?
.
Tatsugoro.
Kadokura said he'd kill Zatoichi, but we can never be too sure.
- Get someone to my office right away.
- And?
.
Call in all your men and start combing the town.
We're going to charge Zatoichi... with the murder of Inspector Odate.
Excellent idea.
No sense in taking any chances.
We have to assume that blind bastard knows too much.
Get to it.
Yes, sir.
Look, Boss, about what you were saying--
I said you're finished.
I want you out of here tonight.
- But what about Tsuru?
.
- She's security for the 100 ryo.
Hey, you!
Get all the men together and start combing the town forZatoichi.
Get to your feet, Zatoichi.
I believe this belongs to you.
I'm going to kill you to get that back.
Who told you to kill Master Hikonoichi?
.
Tatsugoro.
He was acting on orders from the intendant.
Now that you know that... die!
Looks ready.
Nice and hot. 
Ouch!
Here. 
Eat.
What's the matter?
.
I don't want to be separated from you, Dad.
Were you listening earlier?
.
Just let me worry about that.
Here. 
Eat.
I'm not going to let it happen.
The question is how to get my hands on that cane.
Tsuru?
.
Where'd that rascal disappear to?
.
Damn it. 
Doesn't she have any idea what I'm going through?
.
Why does she suddenly have to be so difficult?
.
It's not easy for me as it is.
"Umada Inn"
Who's there?
.
It's me. 
Tsuru.
Oh, Tsuru.
Come on in.
Is something wrong?
.
I just wondered if I should get anything else for Miss Sayo.
I see.
That's very nice of you.
Let me think.
What did Miss Sayo like?
.
Maybe you can get her some inari.
I remember she liked inari.
You can buy her some inari... and some sweet rice milk.
Take this and buy enough for both of you, all right?
.
Tsuru?
.
Dad, look.
- What's that?
.
- The blind man's cane.
Ichi's cane?
.
It's the real thing.
If you have this, we don't have to be separated, right?
.
We can stay together now, right, Dad?
.
That's right. 
If I take this to them, theywon't throw me out.
How in the world did you get it?
.
I tricked him and ran off with it.
Tricked him?
.
That sounds more like something I--
Thanks, Tsuru.
So Ichi killed Kadokura, did he?
.
That's perfect.
Dead men don't talk.
Hikonoichi's killer is dead... the pesky inspector is out of our hair... and Zatoichi is wanted for murder, just as we planned.
I assume your men are out in force around town?
.
They're going house to house with your officers... so I'm sure they'll bring Zatoichi to us before morning.
Out of the way!
If anybody sees this blind man, we want to know right away.
You'll be sorry if you try to hide him. 
Understand?
.
- Any luck?
.
- No.
What's this all about?
.
What's going on?
.
They're looking for the guy who cut down that officer outside town.
They say the killer's a blind man called Zatoichi.
Tora, you made sure the back gate is locked, didn't you?
.
What's all this fuss about, anyway?
.
Haven't you been paying attention?
.
There's a massive search on tonight for a blind man named Zatoichi.
He murdered a fief official, and he killed Master Kadokura too.
Be careful.
Hey, watch out.
Is that you, Tome?
.
- You didn't see the boss, did you?
.
- He's on the hunt with the intendant.
I suggest you get off the street and stay out of trouble.
Go jump in a lake.
Yo, give me a bottle of cold sake, will you?
.
No, none of this small stuff.
I want a big cup.
You know, my friend... children really are something special, aren't they?
.
So special they bring tears to your eyes.
Damn it!
What I want to know is, where's Boss Tatsugoro?
.
Where the hell is he hiding himself?
.
I'm gonna throw this cane in his face and tell him a thing ortwo.
Look here.
Denroku the Weasel is known for coming through when the chips are down.
With Denroku the Weasel, you have to stick around to the very end.
That's what I'm gonna tell him.
You know... a blind man may be in a bad way without his cane... but the fact is...
I'd be in a bad way without myTsuru, too.
She's my only child.
She's my cane.
Yo, give me another.
You're a lucky man to have a daughter who loves you so much.
When Tsuru, in her desperation, came and took my cane...
I couldn't help envying you.
The father of a girl like that... shouldn't be making his living by cheating at dice.
Master Denroku... isn't it time you made a clean break from all that?
.
Huh?
.
Forgive me, Master Ichi.
Please forgive me.
If I'd only had a little more spine, Tsuru wouldn't have had to do that.
Master Ichi, please forgive me.
Yo, bring us more sake!
More sake!
Lay off, damn it!
You're drunk out of your gourd.
I want you and you on guard at Azabu Bridge.
The rest of you spread out up and down the river.
Go take another look on the outskirts of town.
With the net we've spread, not even Zatoichi can get away.
He's like a cornered rat.
We'll just relax here while we wait.
Your cornered rat is right here.
Who is it?
.
How'd you get in here?
.
That's quite a greeting.
You could at least thank me... for saving you the trouble of finding me.
Over here we seem to have Intendant Isoda.
And you're Tatsugoro.
The dirty schemes you two have been up to--
No, that can wait.
If you know what's good for you...
I suggest you not get any stupid ideas.
You don't want to end up like this cushion.
There you go.
Have a seat.
are you deaf?
.
What are you trying to do?
.
Now, now, no need to be so tense.
I'll give you a nice massage.
Boss... pour me a cup of tea, will you?
.
- Who do you think-- 
- Tatsugoro!
Tea. 
Tea!
Intendant Isoda!
We've combed the entire town, but we can't find Ichi anywhere.
Look nearby. 
Look nearby.
How can I make it any clearer?
.
Look nearby!
Look near--
Yes, sir.
We'll go search nearby.
Very clever. "Look nearby."
Boss... is my tea readyyet?
.
- What do you think you're doing?
.
- I'm terribly sorry, sir.
Here she is, Ichi.
Miss Sayo.
What about the rest of the girls?
.
They're all taken care of.
- You bastard!
- Hold it right there, Boss.
Denroku the Weasel lives by turning the tables at the last moment.
Perhaps you'd like a whiff of the fart you called me.
- Too bad. 
Nothing at the moment.
- You son of a bitch!
Sit down!
Now, Boss... you claim Miss Sayo belongs to you as settlement for your 100 ryo... but actually you had already stolen 200 ryo from her father.
It's time to peacefully hand over her bond.
You refuse?
.
All right, if that's how you want it--
He'll hand it over.
You will, right?
.
I'll get it for you.
Here you go, Miss Sayo.
This one's yours.
Congratulations.
Next...
I want the bonds for the other girls, too.
They're all right here.
To think that such flimsy little pieces of paper... could be the source of so much suffering and tears.
One more thing, Denroku.
I want you to get all the money the boss has on hand.
That should cover the 200 ryo he stole from Master Hikonoichi... and whatever's left you can split up among those poor young ladies.
You can't do that!
We can do this anotherway, if you prefer.
No?
. 
You want me to get it?
.
Very good. 
I'll get the money.
Out of my way.
Here's the money.
Denroku, I'm putting you in charge of this money.
Sure. 
I'll take care of it.
Open your mouths.
Chew it well before you swallow, gentlemen.
Denroku...
I'll take these two out the front way.
You take Miss Sayo out the back.
On your feet.
Master Ichi.
Miss Sayo...
I'll be visiting your father's grave in the morning.
What's going on, Boss?
.
It's Zatoichi!
Don't try anything, or they'll both be dead.
Move it.
Get him!
Hurry!
- What's going on here?
.
- are you trying to let the girls go?
.
Wait a second.
There!
Take this, you sons of bitches!
Hurry!
What are you waiting for?
.
Capture him!
Master Ichi... forgive us, we beg you.
Please spare us.
I want both of you to come with me out in front of the Chojiro.
There are some people waiting for you there.
Master Ichi.
The monkeys at sanno shrine
Love theirlittle redsuits
I was asked last night to the Ebisu Feast
sea bream in the soup
And sea bream on myplate
I can't seem to get it right.
I wonder what's keeping Ichi.
Miss Sayo.
- Have you seen Master Ichi?
.
- No.
He did indeed visit the grave.
I found this.
I wonderwhere he went.
Master Ichi.
Master Ichi.
Master Ichi.
O glorious sunshine...
I pray you fill their lives with happiness.
THE END

SIX IN PARIS
St. Germain des Près is the section that surrounds the oldest church in Paris
...originally an 11th. 
Century abbey,
The Institute of France and the Ecole des Beaux-Arts ...testify to its artistic vocation
More than a place, St. Germain, is an intellectural climate.
School of Political Sciences
And a modern way of life.
...in an ancient and provincial setting.
Its charm attracts ...American students in love with old Europe
With its art galleries its antique shops its wrought iron balconies... its narrow picturesque streets like the Rue du Dragon.
Academie Julian.
On the Blvd. 
St. Germain ...is the only wound left by Haussman
The Cafè de Flore, where last night at this terrace, a young American student at this table, noticed her neighbour and after much hesitation, asked him for a light...
An hour later, Catherine and Jean got up got into a gray Bentley and slowly drove away through the noisy crowd of night owls on the Rue St. Benoit
They drove along the Rue de L'Abbaye.
The night is soft and warm
Catherine has closed her eyes
She's put her head on Jean's shoulder
She abandons herself to a fate which she hopes is dangerous.
It doesn't scare her as much as her parents would have liked.
They had however, warned her that Paris is not a place for young Americans.
But they are too far away, and it's too late.
Desire overcomes reason
Tonight, Catherine will not return to her hotel room ...across from the School of Political Sciences
However, she hesitates one last time
Then, suddenly she gets out of the car and enters the building next to the Institute.
She will go to bed with this handsome boy even though they'vejust met
They wake up.
It's 10 A. M.
Ten o'clock!
When does the plane from Mexico arrive?
Twelve fifteen. 
Thank you.
I'll barely make it.
What am I going to do with her?
I'll have to get rid of her.
Too bad, she's nice.
Ten fifteen.
I have to be at Orly at noon.
An hour to get there.
The time to clean up... take her home.
That leaves me half an hour
I'd better hurry.
It's faster this way
I fixed your breakfast.
Come on Catherine it's late.
Hurry up.
Your coffee will get cold.
Some other time.
Then give me a robe.
Why? 
We're alone.
- Please.
- Alright.
Americans are such prudes.
Here's your robe.
She's relaxing too much.
Thank you. 
You'd make a wonderful American husband.
Eat!
In America, I had a friend who'd lose her appetite every time she fell in love.
I've never been in love
You don't like this?
What a lovely view...
You have a beautiful apartment!
It'll be tough.
She doesn't understand...
Damn! 
She looks like she wants to stay!
Aren't you ready yet?
Look Catherine, we have to go!
My school.
Leave me the keys?
You're coming right back?
Yes, in three weeks.
I have to go to Mexico.
I'm leaving in an hour.
Thank you for telling me!
I couldn't have said "come home with me, I'm leaving tomorrow. "
It would have been nicer.
Would you have come?
There you are.
Answer me! 
Are you angry?
I'm going to stay with me father,
I told you last night.
He's at the Embassy in Mexico.
Three weeks isn't long!
Mexico isn't Peru.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- You wouldn't have come!
You think I'm a tramp...
Don't be silly.
Yesterday I didn't know you, and I liked you.
Be reasonable.
I like you a lot, you know.
Wait, I'll make the bed.
Yes, and you'll unfold it for the next one.
Tonight, I'll sleep on the plane.
- I'm coming to the airport.
- No, I hate good- byes.
Don't worry.
I won't make a scene.
Anyway, you can't.
Do you want me to take you home?
- You travel without luggage.
- It's all there.
Of course, it's so natural!
But Catherine, we had a good time last night,
Give me your address.
The next day, at 5 o'clock in the afternoon Catherine goes to the Academie Julian
Can I help you?
Is this your first time here?
It's not the place for nice American girls.
You shouldn't stay indoors in such beautiful weather.
It's much nicer in the country.
Let's go. 
I have my car.
Do you have sketching today?
Every day. 
I has started already. 
Go right up.
How do I pay?
You pay the teacher.
I'm going too.
I can't let you go by yourself.
You really want to go?
Alright, let's go.
Follow me, I'll get you a seat in the front.
Glasses, sexy. 
You'll wear them in the country.
Your sketch pad!
I told you it'd be awful.
You're very pale.
Come to the country.
You'll feel better.
Come on. 
I have my car.
Is this your car?
Where're we going?
To your place.
That was easy. 
Here we are.
It's very nice here.
Perfect to bring girls to.
It's too hot in the summer.
Is this apartment yours?
Yes, so is the car.
What do your parents do?
Not much, they're ambassadors.
- In Mexico, I presume.
- How do you know?
You're the type.
I look pale. 
What was I saying?
Let's get away.
Have you been to Mexico?
I just got back yesterday.
And when are you going back?
- In three weeks. 
Why?
- And school?
It can wait.
Are you studying Political Sciences?
Of course.
My father, you know.
How do you know all this?
Have you been in France long?
Two weeks.
Where did you learn French?
In the United States.
I've lived in France for 22 years and I still can't speak English.
Have you always lived here?
No. 
But whenever I'm with my father I take out this subway ticket and I take the next plane to Paris.
I understand.
With an apartment like this, ...one wouldn't want to be elsewhere.
Where?
That dome.
It's by Le Vau, isn't it?
- Do you think so?
I'm sure.
I'm impressed.
Do you like old things?
This will interest you.
Genuine Early American.
Want to look around?
Thank you. 
I already have.
That's right. 
I forget you know everything.
Now that you've seen it, let's go to the country.
I don't understand.
It's much nicer there.
I don't understand why you paint.
You really don't understand.
Because of the girls.
I think it's disgusting.
You're exaggerating a bit.
How shameless to be naked like that, in front of people.
You've never seen me naked like that, I know.
I beg your pardon?
Would it bother you?
Do you know many models?
It's possible.
I must know some.
One meets so many people here.
And the guy who was posing?
He's a poor devil.
Is that all he does?
He claims to be an actor,
Is he your friend?
Let's not exaggerate.
He's a poor guy, charming however.
I help him out. 
When I leave, I lend him my apartment and car.
It makes him happy. 
He pretends to be me. 
It's amusing.
It must be horrible for him
Yes, life is hard.
Say, you seem to like him.
Are you crazy?
Well, here we go again.
Don't you get hot moving like that?
That's very practical.
That's the way it is.
Bring a girl up, pull the bed down.
How about the country?
It's hot here.
- Take your scarf off.
- Never in front of girls!
- Where are you going?
- To Mexico.
Oh, she's a bore.
It's really too hot!
- That racket!
- What racket?
The construction site.
They've started.
The work! 
When do you think they'll be done?
Does it matter?
Do you realize that when the building is finished ...we won't have a view?
How do you know it'll be as high as our window?
Look at the crane!
Do you think they'd have such a big one?
It'll be at least twelve stories high.
Are my eggs ready?
We'll have to keep the shades down.
Overcooked! 
You know I don't like them hard- boiled!
What's wrong with you this morning?
Didn't you sleep well?
Very well, and you?
The trucks woke me up at 4.
I couldn't go back to sleep.
I didn't hear anything.
You never do.
You're so insensitive.
You wouldn't mind living in a rabbit hutch!
We won't be able to breathe here when it's finished.
A great deal, your apartment!
Superb view of the Sacrê Coeur and the Eiffel Tower.
They're taking that view away.
Think of all we could have done with the money!
We could have bought a car, waken a trip.
Stop dunking your bread, you're not a child.
I don't understand.
You were so happy when we moved in.
We finally had something of our own.
We could move out of your parents' house.
And it's practical.
You're near your office, ...and I have easy transportation.
Obviously I couldn't know about the building.
They're are two kinds of men winners and losers.
I'd rather be cheated than cheat others.
That's all very well if you're single.
Do you ever think of me?
Do people point at you in the streets?
Are you badly dresses?
Don't be silly
Anyway, the status of the Gare du Nord...
Don't clear your throat like that. 
It irritates me.
I'd love to travel.
Not to Tahiti, or even Greece.
I don't know... 
Club Med.
No worries... just travelling.
Take a jet... you know, the voice at the airport
"All passengers for Tehran"
..."Air France Flight 242"
"Immediate departure gate 3"
But you don't want to travel anymore.
Four years ago, you were the handsomest boy on the beach.
Water skiing champion, scuba diving instructor.
What happened to my hero?
I don't look that bad
You've gained 22 pounds.
You look like Churchill.
Don't make those noises, it's vulgar!
You only think about eating now.
I never refuse a good meal.
Are there any cornflakes?
You've eaten enough.
Go shave, you'll be late.
I'm always put down.
Move over!
The worst thing about marriage is that one is never alone.
You've lost your mystery.
When I first met you I could imagine anything.
Now, I know all your qualities and faults.
I always know what you'll do.
Can there be love when the mystery is gone?
I don't understand you.
It's the opposite for me.
The more I know you, the more I love you.
Even your little faults.
If you'd think a little, instead of believing what you read.
Instead of dreaming of Greece and Tahiti.
Really, if you'd think about it, you'd see you're a lucky girl!
Of course, we'll never be billionaires but we can be happy without that.
If you don't like it here, we can move.
The main thing is to be together.
Stop it. 
I don't like that.
At times, I think you only want my body.
You could be more subtle.
Let go.
I hate being late for work.
Even if you don't mind.
Not that I love my job.
But I don't want to be scolded by my boss.
Every morning it's the same thing. 
I'm sick of it.
Gulping down my breakfast, running to work.
The thing I hate most is to be afraid of that pen pusher.
When I think that's all you aspire to! 
Being a head clerk.
It's not that bad.
Then we'll be able to afford a better place.
We'll have a car and we'll travel.
What good will it do us then?
We'll be forty.
Once again, you don't realise that you've been had.
Jean-Pierre, you're a nobody!
I've had enough of this.
Shit! 
It's unbelievable!
Poor little idiot, just because you're pretty.
Thousands like you are walking the streets.
- Go join them!
- Don't touch me!
Should have know that you were vulgar, and conceited.
Don't expect me tonight.
You brute!
Listen, I didn't touch you.
You almost did. 
I'll never forget what you said.
Listen, Odile.
Don't be ridiculous.
Listen, this is silly.
Silly?
Look at the view. 
In six months it'll be like a tunnel here.
That's not my fault!
This neighbourhood!
To think that some people live in Auteul
Listen!
When will I see you?
Stop!
Come back, Odile.
Sorry, did I hurt you?
No, you scared me.
I didn't see you.
My mind was elsewhere.
I can't let you go like this.
Let me drive you.
No thank you.
I'm not going far.
I need to be alone.
I'd like to be alone too, but I can't.
It's up to you.
I don't feel like it anymore.
What a strange neighbourhood!
It's my first time here.
- Where do you live?
- Auteuil
In an apartment?
No, an old house with a garden.
It's too peaceful.
You don't like peace.
I saw the way you drove.
Is that an Italian car?
You left it in the street!
It doesn't matter.
Aren't you going to work?
I never liked working.
It has happened to me of course but it's so easy to make money.
But how?
You know the law of the jungle?
I decided to eat rather than be eaten
But that's unfair!
Life is unfair!
There are poor people, ugly people. 
It's unfair.
For example, you're beautiful.
That's unfair to others.
I never thought of it.
There's even more to it.
There's a balance which makes the lucky ones not know it or be able to profit from it.
The strong get bored eating the weak.
I wouldn't get bored and I'd take advantage of it.
Do you profit from your beauty?
Beauty must be shared with others.
If we hadn't met...
Nothing's changed. 
You almost ran me over, that's all.
It's more important than you think.
Why?
There are moments when a chance meeting ...could be a sign of fate.
What sign? 
What fate?
It's a beautiful day.
Let's take the car and get away from it all.
Or let's go to the airport.
You know the caressing voices at the airport?
We'll take the first plane.
Haven't you ever felt like leaving for an unknown place.
With someone you've just met?
It's sad but we always run away from those we know best.
Love dies from the lack of mystery.
But, this mystery, can one preserve it?
If I were to go with you, ...in a week, or a month you would no longer be the mysterious man or the unknown woman.
Have you ever seen a bullfight?
It always seems to be the same bull and man, but one dies.
It's the same unending game, ...with players who are different, yet so same.
I don't understand.
It's difficult to explain.
When a man meets a woman it's always the same game.
But one doesn't have to die.
- Are you afraid of death?
- Like everybody.
Do you love life... mystery?
So, come with me.
We'll be stronger than death.
I am anybody, I do anything, and I go anywhere.
It's very tempting, you're very tempting.
But it's impossible.
I can't.
I'll tell you the truth.
I've been thinking of death for a long time.
This morning I decided to die.
Then I met you.
You are my last chance.
I thought nothing could interest me anymore.
Then I saw your smile
I'm not blackmailing you but if you'd come with me on an unknown adventure, anything is possible.
Do you accept?
Say yes.
No, I can't. 
I can't.
Everything's possible.
I'll count to ten.
Say yes.
No.
What a pity!
No, you're crazy!
You're crazy! 
You're crazy!
Saint Denis Street
It's impossible.
I can't believe it.
Do you think I'm going to strip in this cold!
It's winter in here.
Well, come here.
This isn't your first time is it?
No.
What a job!
Should I turn on the radio?
Sure, we can do it to music.
30 francs... not expensive.
Make a little effort.
Sit down. 
We're in no hurry.
I never go home with a customer.
It's too dangerous.
You're different.
I'm not afraid of you.
My legs aren't tanned.
I couldn't go to Cannes this year.
My girlfriend got sick, so she rented her apartment.
Did you go on holiday?
I went to my aunt's in Limoges
The city where they make porcelain! 
Wow!
It's not bad.
What is there besides porcelain?
I wouldn't know, I was in the suburbs.
Only you would go to Limoges on a holiday.
It's no joke when it rains in the country
It doesn't rain often in Limoges.
- You're not in a hurry, are you?
- All in good time.
One day we left for the Rivieria with some friends...
- Who?
- Friends.
We never got there.
We had an accident.
The others went to the hospital!
I went back to Limoges.
When I got there, My aunt had left with some guy.
I came back to Paris.
And then?
Is that all?
Yes, that's all.
Your stories aren't funny.
Meanwhile, you're wasting time.
Let's go.
What if we ate first?
I'm hungry.
I'm sick of cheap restaurants.
I'm sick of Paris too.
It's a rotten city.
I'd like to go work on the Riviera. 
What do you think?
I don't know the Riviera.
I already told you I had an accident and went back to Limoges.
Anything to leave the Rue St. Denis.
It makes me sick to think of it.
What do you do?
I'm a dishwasher at Smitts, near here.
Dishwasher?
You don't look like one, Leon.
What do I look like?
I don't know, but not a dishwasher.
May I try?
You should exercise more.
You don't have much muscle
How can you do your work?
Dishwashing is different.
I heard a riddle on the radio yesterday
- Want to hear it?
Why not.
What's the difference between Bêcon and Florence?
I don't know.
Well... in Bêcon... uh in Bêcon well Bêcon is different from Florence.
How funny.
I'll tell you why,
In Bêcon there are girls named Florence.
In Florence there are no girls named Bêcon.
Hey, sweetie.
We're forgetting why I'm here.
I'm in no hurry.
True. 
Tomorrow's Sunday.
My day off is Tuesday, not Sunday.
Cottage Cheese.
It reminds me of my youth.
My father had hay fever,
He came to Paris to see a doctor.
The guy robbed him.
I remember the station, St. Lazare 3 hours to get to the doctor's.
My father was furious.
But I was happy.
He went home sick and broke.
The charm of the countryside.
What a bore.
I like it, the countryside.
- Do you have a girlfriend?
- No.
Ever thought of marrying?
Never.
A little wife, slippers, a warm bed.
- What do you say?
- Nothing.
I like you, baby.
You're broke, I'll pay for my dinner.
Do you mind?
You never say no.
Do you like me or not?
If not, I can always leave.
Don't go.
Alright, I'll undress and...
Don't you want coffee?
You'll get your money, don't worry.
Here's five francs for dinner.
No Problem.
I pay for my food.
I don't want your money.
Let's not fight about it.
Have a paper?
"France-Soir"
Sorry, butjust a glance at the news, for fun.
"Hold-up goes wrong. "
So it doesn't always work.
"Mystical madness at St. Nazaire. "
There are nuts everywhere.
"Racing horses stolen in Paris. "
Funny.
Yes, very funny.
Well, how about it?
Darn, a short circuit.
Do you want to wait?
Oh, darkness never bothered me.
L'Etoile Square
In the centre, the Arch of Triumph
Built from 1806 to 1836 in memory of Napoleon's victories.
It is visited every day by tourists from all over the world.
On the other hand Parisians never go near it...
Except for veterans whose task is to keep the flame burning and the President of the Republic.
When these functions are over it's only the intersection of twelve wide avenues.
A no man's land ignored by the working population
These hurried people disdainful of the prestige of the place ...know only it's outskirts.
Every 1/12 of the circle that is approximately every 50 yards there is another avenue to cross
The stop lights are timed for the traffic on the streets.
...and not the pedestrians.
This creates constant trouble more of less bothersome depending on the age and the personality.
Parisian individualism is well tested.
One last point...
In 1964, work started on the west side on a subway which doesn't help traffic.
Either automobile or pedestrians.
And here is our own hero, Jean-Marc.
Every morning at 9.25, he comes out of the subway station ...almost directly across from his work.
To get there, he has two choices.
Going right is slightly shorter.
Would you like to see another style?
In your size we have this one.
...or this, if you prefer.
No thank you, I'll think about it.
As you wish.
Once a professional runner Jean-Marc reads the sports paper every morning
Did you watch the women skiers?
I don't have a TV.
Too bad! 
It's exciting to see them go 60 miles an hour.
How I admire them.
You know how hard it is when you try.
Have you skied?
Ten years ago, I tried a little with two boards on my feet.
You need such balance and extraordinary strength to stand up on those boards.
I beg your pardon.
It's nothing.
- Did I hurt you?
- No.
Are you sure?
- Excuse me, sir.
- Watch where you're going!
I'm sorry.
You're crazy!
May I help you?
Pajamas.
What size?
I don't know.
Alright, we'll see.
Size two.
There was nothing in the papers that day, or the next.
Driver Hit With Whip.
The Crime Of The Champs-Elysses
Maniac In The Subway
Rolls Chauffeur Dies In Flight
Student In Lyons Hurts Policeman With Umbrella
A Lethal Weapon:
The Umbrella
But, he was still careful not to go near the PI. 
De L'Etoile
Yes sir, white poplin, 42 Avenue de Wagram.
I'll have it delivered right away.
Ten minutes.
It's right across the square.
One or two months had passed, when, finally...
Watch your step!
Excuse me madam, I'm sorry!
It's nothing.
Did I hurt you? 
Lucky!
I could have poked your eye out!
Montparnasse and Levallois
- What are you doing?
- I'm working
Is it a woman?
Yes, it's the last one, you see, it's almost finished.
It's a woman...
Yes, if you like.
Is this a hand?
Why are there only four fingers?
I had nothing to make the fifth with.
I like the one outside.
She's pretty!
What do you call her?
Action-sculpture.
What's that?
It means that chance enters into the creation of the sculpture.
I take pieces of metal and throw them up and weld them together the way they fall.
It's all very experimental.
Don't you want to know why I am here?
Yes, why are you here?
You'd said 8 o'clock.
Because i love you.
Do you want some coffee?
I have something to tell you.
Do you love me?
Yes, of course.
Really, truly.
Of course!
- Do you think I'm pretty?
- Yes.
Really?
Already told you.
Do you really love me?
Would you forgive me if I did something bad?
Of course I'd forgive you.
Why do you ask?
Nothing important.
How long does a telegram take to arrive?
I don't know, about an hour, an hour and a half.
What time is it?
Listen.
In 45 minutes, you'll receive one from me.
But it's not for you.
Who's it for?
Someone else.
A man?
- How do you know?
- I don't know, I suspect.
Anyway, you don't know him.
It doesn't matter.
It does.
I mixed up the envelopes.
I put your letter in his and his in yours.
That can be fixed.
He gives me mine, and I give him his and that's it.
It's very serious because in his letter I tell him that I love him and made plans to see him tonight.
But i just pretend to love him.
And wanted to see him to tell him that, and that I won't see him anymore.
It's you I love. 
I swear.
I wanted to tell him that tonight.
Knew you'd forgive me.
I don't understand.
Who's the guy?
If you want, we can go to bed now. 
I'm cold.
You bitch! 
Disgusting!
Tramp! 
Whore! 
Liar!
But I swear i love you.
I loved you because you were pure and beautiful.
You make me sick.
I swear I love you.
Shut the door.
It's shut.
No it isn't.
Are you working?
Can't you see?
Who does it belong to?
The Pope.
The Pope who?
Pope Paul VI.
Do you know what makes a car?
An automobile is made of many parts.
First the chassis, then the wheels and third the body.
That's my department.
I obviously don't have the talent of Farina or Micheletti but I do alright. 
In my own small way, I'm an artist.
Bodywork is sacred for me.
Turn it off!
It'll wear out.
Everything in life does.
Except the body.
The body is eternal.
Tell me Roger. 
Do you think I have a nice body?
Perfect.
What I really like is youth.
Young breasts young legs, everything that's beautiful.
But what are you doing here?
- I wanted to see you.
- We had a date at midnight.
I thought I'd come and see you this afternoon.
You know I love you, Roger.
Speak louder.
I said I love you.
I know that.
I got your telegram.
Are you mad at me?
No, since you love me.
Then you forgive me?
That's wonderful!
I slept with another man.
You aren't mad.
But you know, I mixed up the envelopes.
I wrote this other boy that I love him but I swear it's not true.
It's just...
He's nice. 
I knew him before you, and he still loves me.
I don't know.
He wanted to see me, so I made a date for tonight.
But it was only to tell him I wouldn't see him again.
I couldn't say all that in the letter.
I didn't want to hurt him.
I wanted to tell him that I love only you. 
I swear.
You know it.
If you like, we can go up now.
We can go to bed now. 
It's almost dark.
Come here, you tramp!
Come here, you dirty low class whore, tease, bitch!
What is it, Roger?
I thought you'd forgiven me.
"Dear Roger, I kiss you tenderly. "
Darn! 
I didn't make a mistake after all.
Go to hell.
My sweater.
Get out, American!
I'm Canadian.
It's the same thing.
I love you. 
I swear.
Silence
Here's your son.
Did it go well?
I'm glad.
How many times a week do you go?
Three times?
What does he do to you?
I went to the doctor the other day.
He had me tested.
I don't have the results.
I'm not feeling well.
It's called Vitacalcium.
Have you taken it?
I'm constipated.
I use suppositories.
What are they called?
They give me the runs.
You could knock!
Come here.
She was bringing me my tea.
Did you work hard?
- Were you first in class?
- Third.
- What were you last month?
- Sixth.
- So, it's better.
- Yes, a little bit.
Good. 
One must make progress.
Understood?
- What's hard for you?
- Algebra, still algebra!
Why?
I don't understand.
Why?
The parentheses, the a's, the b's the minuses.
All of it, I get mixed up.
Do you want me to explain it?
Sure, if you want to.
Poor child! 
Come on.
Listen, algebra is easy.
A plus times a plus is a plus.
A minus times a minus is a plus.
A plus times a minus is a minus.
There.
Alright.
- Not a word to the queen mother.
- No of course not.
I am for capital punishment.
I'm against it. 
Really now...
What, really now?
There's no reason to condemn.
How can one judge others?
Salt!
They kill, they're killed.
Killers must be killed.
I think they should be sent to reform schools.
We should try to...
If they're 50, you can't send them to reform school.
I said pass me the salt.
Well then, maybe in certain cases, as an example.
There I agree with you.
Death to the traitors!
Kidnapping children, now that's revolting.
For that, the death penalty.
They're given 20 years.
What's the matter with you?
Shut up!
You do nothing anyway.
What would be nice, would be that you help me get in with our friend Boticelli.
He's interesting, if you see what I mean.
This veal is excellent.
He should be careful with me, or I'II I'll shoot him full of holes.
This veal is really excellent.
I always eat the way the Italians do.
Someone should explain to Boticelli that there are some people in the world with guts aspirations, ideals.
He's got to understand that.
Or I'll crush him like a worm.
We almost ran over him.
Not quite.
That's true.
The car behind us did.
Others too.
He had diplomat's plates.
They just don't care.
This cheese is very good.
Black polynesians...
Six letters, in the plural.
I take care of the house!
It's dusty in here.
It's not my fault, it's the maid's.
Always the maid!
I'm not doing the dusting, with what I pay her.
You always say it's the maid!
I don't do the dusting!
Idiot!
That's easy to say.
Leave me alone.
One of these days, I really will. 
You'll see.
Are you giving me the money?
You'll have to manage.
Unbelievable!
You should exercise.
I keep telling you you're getting a paunch.
I have to have my medicine.
Take your medicine.
You know how much your medicine cost last week?
Have you father's pharmacy send them.
- But he's too stingy.
- My father's senile.
I've really had enough, you know.
I'm alone in the house.
That's all we needed.
You forgot to shut the window.
I have something in my throat.
"Form fitting ear plugs block vibrations and are perfectly sound-proof. "
"Noise, the price we pay for modern civilization is one of the main causes of nervous disease. "
"The sick and the nervous will now be able to sleep. "
"Intellectuals, will work in silence thanks to these ear plugs. "
But I put them in the same closet.
"Factory workers and all those with jobs who are exposed to noise machine operators, metal workers exposed to repetitive noise which is damaging to the auditory nerve will protect their eardrums with ear plugs. "
No need to shout.
You just wait and see.
I'm getting fed up.
I asked her for the sugar 10 times.
The coffee is good. 
Really?
I could make it as well.
If it weren't the Holiday season I'd have fired your little blonde.
You hired her.
You're late.
Who's going to take care of the car?
Brushing your teeth before work? 
That's new.
It happens to be the maid's day off.
That's enough.
That doesn't mean anything.
- What do I do with the car?
- That's enough!
You make me so angry.
Am I taking the car in or are you?
I have other things to do.
I'm tired of taking care of your business.
It's not my problem, it's yours. 
I'll do it, but...
Just shut up, will you!
Who's going to take care of the car?
It's not complicated.
You look stupid when you make those faces!

THE ADVENTURES OF WERNER HOLT
Werner!
Sergeant! 
Reinforcements are coming, right?
Of course!
Heavy artillery, too.
Sergeant! 
Were new weapons deployed in the East last night?
It'll be announced as soon as I get official notice.
- Will it start soon?
- Of course!
- Pickets are in place.
- OK. 
Go on.
Vetter! 
Move one AA gun into postition there,
- the second 300 meters back.
- Yes, sir!
It's crazy to fight with your squad.
Most aren't properly trained.
Werner, get the regiment on the line!
They must send self-propelled gun carriages and 7.5 cm Pak cannons.
- I'll speak with Wehnert.
- Yes, Gilbert.
Private Holt, did you understand me?
Yes, Sergeant!
Pick 3 cellars on the marketplace with rear exits.
Deploy the machine guns, and bazookas as well.
Sergeant!
Sergeant, what about us?
You're really going to fight here?
We have our orders.
Move this junk.
We need a clear line of fire.
- Second Company in place.
- Thank you.
- Where is the commander?
- He's changed command posts.
And me? 
You'll follow me to the command post!
- I'm an officer! 
Are you nuts?
- Vetter, get the keys.
- What are you doing? 
I order...
- The commander ran away!
And you want to split too, you cowardly swine!
Deserters get strung up!
Winkler!
Lt. Wehnert, I'm relieving you of your command.
You're under arrest.
- You'll answer for this!
- Scoundrel!
Winkler! 
You'll be complicit in mutiny if you...
- Vetter, kill him.
- Yes, kill him!
Or better yet: find some rope.
Find some rope.
Yes, Sergeant!
Winkler, help me!
The Fuhrer said those who fear an honorable death shall die in shame.
This isn't possible.
For God's sake!
Not hanging!
When I think about how he left us to rot.
Hang him!
Wolzow!
Wolzow.
I'm an officer!
There should be SS nearby.
They'll clean up.
And if he runs? 
We have nowhere to lock him up here.
Anesthetize him!
And what about the batallion?
The batallion will fulfill its assignment whatever happens.
The batallion is under my command.
Is it senseless to keep fighting?
Where I'm in command, we'll fight.
Don't just stand there, Holt.
Make contact with the regiment.
- Making contact with the regiment.
- We need those gun carriages!
Now you'll drink this down!
Along a 100-km front, our brave troops chipped away at the
Bolshevlks, who have far more manpower and material.
All Incurslons, south of Frankfurt and Wrlezen and on both sides of Seelow, were halted by counter-attacks.
Mldday yesterday, the US struck Magdeburg. 
In heavy combat the enemy gained ground In the direction of Dessau and the Elbe, but were repulsed south of Dessau by a spirited counter-attack.
Brave resistance by the garrison In Halle and the resolute defense of our troops In the Lelpzlg area hindered the enemy...
We have a duty to fight.
Nothing else concerns us.
- Come, Winkler.
- ... the enemy attacking from West, South  East, but made little headway.
Drink up, buddy!
Hello?
I hardly think Ivan will attack us here with a strong tank force.
- South of Frankfurt?
- Seelow from both sides.
If they come to us, we'll let the first ones into the city.
Everyone's run away.
Pigs!
I'll see about the gun carriages, otherwise we're done for!
- Try over the radio!
- Trying the radio!
Hurry up!
Eagle here. 
Eagle.
Calling Falcon. 
Falcon.
Eagle to Falcon.
Falcon, come in please!
Eagle here. 
Eagle.
Calling Falcon. 
Falcon.
Eagle to Falcon.
Falcon, come in please!
Listen up!
- Now it's Knaack's turn.
- You'll get in trouble.
I'm not afraid of teachers.
That's for others, even if they know better than everyone else.
- Do you mean me?
- Who else?
Attention!
Heil Hitler, comrades!
- Who was that?
- It was me!
Holt.
I'm giving you a demerit and putting it in the class book.
This un-Aryan impudence!
Maybe it was acceptable in your previous school, but I won't tolerate it!
Now make it snappy.
Sit!
Stand!
Sit!
We left off with the Volks- or nationalist concept of history.
Here, Herr Knaack!
Wolzow.
To the front.
History is war.
From 1469 BC... to 1930 AD there were...
- What's wrong, not feeling well?
- only 264 years of peace, but...
- I think I'm getting sick.
- 351 of war.
Stop challenging Wolzow.
You'll get the short end of the stick. 
You don't know him.
The Relch Intentlonally built on the ancient, mythic beliefs
- and strengths of the Relch.
- Of the Volk!
Of the...
Wolzow.
The Reich intentionally built on the ancient, mythic beliefs and strengths of the Volk.
A community of the people, work, leadership... 4 o'clock, Raven's Rock.
But be on time.
I don't like to wait.
No better ideas than a beating.
But you're afraid of teachers.
I'll earn my third demerit now!
He's got guts, you must admit!
Now you're at the end of your rope - eh, Wolzow?
Gilbert, no kidding!
Knaack will expel you!
Who's afraid of teachers?
You're finished, Wolzow.
Even without a confession:
finished.
Our institution once ruled by a strict spirit of studiousness and obedience, has nonetheless been poisoned by the virus of your anarchy and lack of discipline.
Your father can't sanction this a second time and we will finally be free of you.
I congratulate myself on this victory.
Take your bag and leave this school right now.
You are expelled.
The director's letter will be hot on your heels.
Just a moment.
The director's letter will not be hot on his heels.
Wolzow didn't do it.
I did.
Wiese will attest to it.
Yes, it was Holt.
I witnessed it.
Well, what do we have here?
Even though this rascal was rebuked for un-Aryan impudence this very morning...
It's... it's scarlet fever!
He already looked strange on the way to school.
Gilbert.
How's it going, old fighter?
Man, you've got it good here.
Llke In the officer's hospital.
When you get out, come see me, Werner.
Ok, Gilbert.
If the acid nitrate works, then I'll make dynamite.
- What do you want with dynamite?
- To make bombs! 
Real bombs.
Not these gunpowder firecrackers.
Please excuse me.
- Did any mail come?
- No.
No?
No. 
No mail.
No mail.
Why?
Why doesn't he write?
Why doesn't he write?
My God! 
Maybe something happened to him.
I can't bear it anymore. 
I...
I can't bear it anymore.
Phillip!
Phillip...
Always the same drama, since Father left for the Eastern Front!
And she calls herself an officer's wife? 
She'll never be a Wolzow!
She'll end up in the madhouse.
Man, dynamite...
No stone will be left unturned.
Imagine placing a bomb in the school.
Or tying a bomb to the headmaster's ass!
He gave me another F, don't remind me.
Study a little Latin, Gilbert.
- I'll help you.
- Nonsense.
What do I need Latin for?
But you should read Schlieffen, my boy.
Schlieffen's Cannae.
No! 
First, a paperback history of war in keywords, with strategic and tactical annotations, as well as a chronological account of every engagement, battle and skirmish in world history, and the armies concerned. 
Ow!
Ah, crap!
Werner.
I made inquiries.
As of August, we can sign up.
We'll become officers.
Commanding troops is the best!
You'd stand at the map table, cap on your head, casually tapping the map with a red pencil:
one strike from here... another one like this... then you give orders.
Your word decides the battle.
Join the tank corps with me!
Sure, Gilbert.
I'll join you!
Eagle here. 
Eagle here.
Calling Falcon. 
Calling Falcon.
Falcon, come in please!
Eagle here. 
Eagle here.
Calling Falcon. 
Calling Falcon.
Falcon, come in please!
By the way - you stopped my getting expelled -
I'll never forget that.
If you ever ask me for anything, remind me of this hour.
I'd be a rat if I didn't do anything you asked.
Gilbert, we should be friends.
Only death can separate two old fighters like us.
When I had scarlet fever,
I dreamed of you.
I'm going in the water.
You coming?
I'll mess up my hair I don't have a swim cap.
There aren't any to be had.
Don't know what I'd give for one.
I'll get one for you.
Can I ask for something, then?
I'll get you a cap and you must let me kiss you. 
Yes or no?
- We'll stay together always.
- Maybe you really mean it.
But I'd never fool myself that someone like you means it.
A high school student and a factory girl?
- They don't belong together.
- I'll bring you into our circle.
If anyone says one word,
Gilbert and I will beat them black and blue.
In the end, you all stick together, you in your social circles.
I'll introduce you to my friends today.
- Do you know Meissner?
- The patrol duty leader?
Yes, he was at our school.
And have you heard of Ruth Wagner?
Yes... 
I heard she was in an accident. 
And?
"And?"
Beforehand... she came to see me.
She was pregnant.
Meissner gave her money so she could get rid of it.
Who knows what he threatened?
But she became really desperate.
She threw herself from a moving train.
That's how it was, with the...
"accident."
Then her father found a letter from her.
She had put in her wardrobe beforehand.
He ran to the station and made a ruckus.
He never came home again.
No one knows where he is.
You see?
That's why I'm suspicious of someone like you.
What do I have to do with Meissner?
You're one of them too.
Don't worry about it.
I have to go do Work Service - as of tomorrow, I'll be gone.
My father's been killed.
Gilbert.
Uncle Hans arrived last night, straight from Russia.
He's being sent to Berlin.
Well, a soldier's a soldier.
Come, I'll introduce you to Uncle Hans.
My friend, Werner Holt.
They drank like fish all night.
Gilbert's friend.
To Phillip's memory.
Knoth!
Take care of the alcohol issue.
Sergeant Knoth!
Yes?
Knoth, I can't remember where Schreyer went.
Major General, sir, this morning he went ahead to his wife.
Right.
Sybille, you must get ready.
We're leaving soon.
Did you hear me?
Get the car ready at once.
- We've got another stop first.
- Yes, sir.
Dismissed!
I'll get your mother out of here.
Only electroshock...
- can help her now.
- They'd best keep her in there.
Any other concerns?
School.
- Stupid or lazy?
- Lazy, naturally.
Don't worry about it.
Come along.
Now then.
To Phillip's memory.
See this? 
It's an 08.
Geez, a Parabellum.
- "SI vls pacem, para bellum." 
- You get a straight A.
A Walther 7.65 - I haven't ever seen one of these.
A Belgian Browning.
Gilbert.
Tell me, do you know a Ruth Wagner?
- You've heard about that too?
- Well?
- What's your position on it?
- It doesn't concern me.
The mess Meissner made really doesn't matter to you?
It does not concern us.
- We should go to the police.
- The police!
They'd say it's anti-Party agitation.
I mean, Meissner isn't a nobody.
And justice?
It's about justice.
- We will avenge Ruth Wagner.
- Nonsense. 
You're nuts!
Gilbert.
Do we have a shred of self-respect?
Yes or no?
Don't get worked up.
I don't care about that hussy.
But Meissner...
He was my commander in the Hitler Youth, you know.
I told him he was a military idiot in front of everyone.
He ruined my career as a Hitler Youth leader!
I don't even want to think about it.
Never mind.
He's off to the SS in 8 days.
And beforehand, we'll give him a good beating!
Careful, my friend. 
Assault on a Hitler Youth leader...
You know what that means?
And your uncle?
- Can't he help in a pinch?
- No
As a German officer he can't tolerate anything like that.
He's been in the Nazi Party since 1930.
A beating wouldn't be so bad, but we'd have to do it ourselves.
He has to know why we're beating him up.
Something in writing, perhaps?
A confession.
We'll let him sign one, right?
You like the Browning?
You can keep it.
Man, Gilbert!
What? 
What do you want from me?
- Can you read this?
- You have to sign it first.
- And if I won't sign?
- You will sign.
There're a lot of nice things...
if someone doesn't want to.
And if I still won't sign?
We'll take you in the woods and shoot you.
You have time to think it over.
Three minutes.
- What if he refuses?
- He doesn't have the guts.
- And if he still won't?
- Either he signs, or we kill him.
I'll fake a suicide.
Time's up.
- Have you thought about it?
- I won't sign it!
- Even if you beat me to death!
- Enough.
Put the pistol away.
Stop!
Help!
- Sign it!
- Sign it!
Alright, I'll sign.
Take the pistol away.
Take the pistol away!
Done.
The 3rd AA gun goes on the hill, the 4th in the town.
3rd hill, 4th town!
Eagle here. 
Eagle here.
Calling Falcon. 
Calling Falcon.
Falcon, come in please!
Dismissed!
If he makes trouble, kill him, okay?
Okay.
Eagle here. 
Eagle here.
Calling Falcon. 
Calling Falcon.
Falcon, come in please!
I'd give a lot to be your friend.
But I guess you have to be like Wolzow.
I was always the weakest.
I always thought my weapon is the spirit, the mind.
Anyways,
I'm first in the class.
But you could be too.
I once read in Nietzsche:
"Our belief in others betrays
"that which we'd like to believe in in ourselves.
"Our yearning for a friend will betray us."
We can be friends.
Keep playing, Peter.
You've improved lately.
But we'd prefer it if you played less and worked out more.
It's not awkward for us that you're ineligible for air defense duty.
Mr. Holt, perhaps you could motivate Peter a bit.
A young man like you would be a good friend for him.
My husband wants Peter to be fit for service in all circumstances.
Dunk him in the water and challenge him with your friends.
It would do him good.
At times when the fist, not the intellect, is decisive, flexing one's so-called wisdom is utterly superfluous.
The Fuhrer wants the young body to steel and harden itself, so life doesn't find it too soft.
I'm totally alone In the city.
I don't have anyone.
Why don't you live with your parents?
My parents... are divorced.
I didn't want to stay at my mother's any longer.
But she sends me money every month.
And my father...
- You don't want to talk about it?
- No, I do.
My father was a university professor.
Now he's a food inspector.
In other words, he's politically unreliable.
My father was to take over an important war assignment, but he refused. 
I think my mother divorced him because of that.
In any case, your father seems to have a strong character.
How do you mean that?
The draft papers are here!
It's happening! 
Finally!
Miss Barnim!
- Miss Barnim!
- What are you thinking?
!
Even you are not allowed to come here without prior notice.
Wait!
- Hip hip!
- Hooray!
Werner!
Goodbye to school!
- We made a first class egg nog!
- 50% alcohol!
Only one thing matters anymore:
to save the Fatherland!
Comrades, a toast:
In a fight, I'll fight for two,
- and when death comes...
- I'll be there too!
Such a disgrace... at your age!
A young man like you - drunk as a skunk.
You threw up all over the staircase.
Out!
- I'm sick.
- You're hung over.
You should leave.
Hello, Miss Dengelmann.
Well, how are you?
Man, Wiese...
- What happened?
- You were really drunk yesterday.
You ran right into the Hitler Youth supervisor's arms in the marketplace.
He called the police.
But I managed to get you away.
No one noticed in the chaos.
Uta Barnim asked me to give you this letter.
- I'm sorry. 
I didn't know then...
- It's already forgotten.
I first found out you'd enlisted from Peter Wiese.
One so often does things one wishes one hadn't.
You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.
You must go to war, and It could last a long time.
But It's all for nothing.
For nothing? 
I don't understand.
What else do you need to wake up?
I don't understand you.
Don't try to understand me.
It's all In vain anyway.
I don't understand you.
Forget what I said.
Forget everything.
Forget... why?
It's war.
We don't know what's coming.
It's war.
I couldn't wait to go to war.
Now I want to stay with you.
You'd soon get bored if it stayed like this.
- I'll write you.
- Yes, of course!
You'll write to me.
- Mornlng, battery!
- Mornlng, Captaln!
Eyes front!
Battery - at ease!
Llsten up!
At 8 a.m. sharp... the battery Is to report combat-ready!
It's about time that something happens here.
It makes me sick, when those pigs swoop around overhead and I can't let 'em have it!
Our combat mission is to protect the surrounding industrial and residential areas.
Shut up, you!
A word to the rookies:
I don't care if you shit your pants in your first engagement.
But woe to you who wimp out!
If the brothers don't toe the line, the Chief Assistants'll show 'em how.
Self-discipline is still the best method.
Hey, rookie!
What do you mean, rookie?
!
My name is Wolzow, and don't you forget it.
If you shoot off your big mouth, you'll be up for self-discipline.
Leave us be.
- Shut your mouth, you pup, or...
- Or what?
What the hell's going on here?
!
How dare you, you wretches!
Tle them to a tree and whip them!
Rookies thrashing experienced men!
What's that about?
!
Pardon me, Captain.
I saw it from B-2.
The rookies are less to blame.
Gunsche threw the first punch.
I see. 
Then I won't get involved.
Gunsche! 
Pingels!
You assholes!
God, if you act that dumb, you deserve to get beaten by the pups!
Now calm down, gentleman.
Or I'll get involved - and punish all of you together!
- You'll pay for that!
- Shut your mouth!
You should get to know me.
- I'll send you to the hospital!
- Enough, Gilbert!
Heil Hitler! 
I am Chief Assistant Gunsche Ziesche.
Deputy Gun Commander of Anton.
- Where is there a free locker?
- Up front.
Those idiots! 
If the Chief Assistants want to fight, then...
- Who's this?
- Our Deputy Gun Commander.
So you're one of us.
- I'm the Chief Assistant.
- Chief Assistant?
I don't want to spoil things with my old comrades.
If your old comrades don't leave us in peace,
I'll take them on, one by one.
Don't take on too much.
Let them line up outside, your precious Chief Assistants!
For all I care, they can all come at once!
- Shall I tell them that?
- You son of a bitch!
We'll grind you to dust!
Don't do that...
Attention!
The Chief Assistant's mama would cry her eyes out.
Isn't that right, Wolzow?
You're still angry?
- Yes, sir!
- You see?
I see it in your eyes.
I learned it from an old shepherd.
He knew everything from people's pupils.
Belly aches, hernias, secret pregnancies...
- Holt!
- Yes, Sergeant?
You'll accompany him, so he doesn't feel lonely.
Otherwise, I won't be able to have a quiet chat with him.
- You want to come, right?
- Yes, Sergeant!
Excellent! 
You see, Wolzow?
That is friendship!
Wolzow, Holt, with me.
Look sharp!
Carry on!
Down! 
Up! 
Run, run!
Down! 
Up! 
Run, run!
Down!
Up! 
Bunny hops!
And turn!
Attentlon!
Right, Wolzow?
That's torture.
- Yes, Sergeant!
- Are you still angry?
Sergeant, I report that...
I'm sick of bunny hops.
Sick of them?
Holt, did you hear that?
Wolzow, that's a word.
That really pleases me.
For the first time, Wolzow is sick of things in the military.
And now, down to business.
You're making my life hard.
You've made the Chief Assistants into your enemies.
They will give you a terrible beating.
Sergeant, I don't mean to brag, but I'm not afraid of anyone.
You see - that's just what I'm afraid of.
I spoke with the Chief Assistants.
"Wolzow will get a beating," they said. "Holt too."
I forbade it.
But what's the point?
The Chief has nothing against it.
Then everything must take its course, Sergeant.
There is one way - and the whole drama will disappear like fog.
Someone above the Chief must...
Do you understand, Wolzow?
I'll let you telephone your uncle alone in the office.
A general has other concerns, Sergeant.
What a shame.
- Oh, what an honor!
- You can clean our shoes.
We're to get along from now on.
We can get along, once you've had your beating.
Go on - clean my shoes!
So this is what's called camaraderie?
I had imagined enlisted life differently.
There are unwritten laws in the military.
We should be a tight-knitcommunity!
- Heil Hitler!
- Heil Hitler!
A comrade.
Werner Holt, my mother.
Would you kindly explain that I'm your stepmother?
My stepmother, then.
We're going to the movies.
I changed my mind.
I don't really feel like it.
We could have stayed home, then.
You know what? 
Let's go home.
I'll make tea and we can chat.
Do what you like.
I'm going to the movies.
- Heil Hitler!
- Heil Hitler!
I've got my hands full with that boy.
You know, his mother was a "super-blond." Aryan.
He just can't accept me.
And you?
Will you leave me alone too?
If you'll permit,
I'll escort you.
Air raid warning!
Ready positions!
K-1 ready!
- K-3 ready!
- K-5 ready!
K-2 loaded!
Battery: fire!
How nice of you to come.
All former co-workers, operetta singers.
That's right! 
You don't know I was a dancer.
I was the prima ballerina here for a few years. 
I wasn't bad.
My God, those were the days!
Watch out for the girls - they're just part of the chorus.
I don't like having them here, but the men need dance partners.
Enjoy yourself.
You're being rude. 
You must dance with the lady of the house.
Do you like it here in my home?
I like nothing better than visiting you.
Really?
Not even writing to a certain Miss Barnim?
Are you spying on me?
A little.
In any case, I got something important out of my stepson.
Namely?
That you're apparently not the sort to brag about a conquest.
That you, in short, can keep your mouth shut.
- Do you love me?
- Yes.
That's not true, you don't love me.
What's love, then?
Surrender?
What else?
Airman Holt returning from overnight leave.
You were lucky.
Holt.
I see everything in your pupils.
I once knew an old shepherd who...
But you know that already.
If your morale suffers because of this,
I'll revoke your overnight leaves.
Yes, sir!
By the way, you got some mail.
Seems like a nice girl, your...
- Uta.
- Sergeant, please... this correspondence is private.
Unfortunately, I have to make random checks.
The mail is usually distributed at noon, but...
See how well I treat you?
Try to find another superior... who'll play Cupid.
Here.
- Thank you, Sergeant.
- Dismissed!
Why are you married to this man?
I hate him.
He really is the most hateful man I can imagine.
Then why did you marry him?
At some points in life, everyone bets everything on one card.
And you bet it all on a man you loathe?
I told myself:
he has a lot to offer.
So I snapped up the offer.
You sold yourself to this man?
When I met Ziesche, he was District Chief.
Then he got ahead quickly.
I was always only above average among provincial dancers.
You think of the future.
Now things are going downhill.
Who knows if the magic won't collapse one day?
Gertie...
In Russla, things are clearly laid out.
There, the unit of organization has been Germanlc, not Slavlc, Zemtzkl.
Do you understand?
Yeah, I got lt.
No, you haven't understood.
You, with your Slavic name.
You're a problem, anyway.
What do you mean by that?
Your name isn't aryan either!
My name evolved from a pure Germanic root.
An evolved German.
Even if the Slavs aren't as high quality as the Nordic races, they are still aryan.
Jewish Bolshevism has destroyed the foundation of the Slavic race.
- Clubs.
- Quit your chatter! 
Double.
Chatter, you say?
What, you think you're the only good Nazi?
Gilbert, how long must we listen to this crap?
What you call crap, is my holy, fanatical belief in the Fuhrer.
Man, Ziesche!
Look, if it means anything, I understand how you feel.
I do. 
I mean, that could've been you going through that door this morning.
Then you turn around and you ask the department to back you up— what do they do?
What do they always do, huh?
They hide behind bureaucracy.
They cover their butts in red tape.
That ain't right.
See, for all the risks you guys take, there ought to be a little more reward, right?
Why are you laying this rap on me, man?
? 
[Continues]
I hear you want out.
Now, if that's true, there's a way to do it.
You better take your S.I.D. Game somewhere else.
This ain't no game.
Line was busy.
I'll check back with you later.
You better stay out of my face!
? 
[Continues]
Later.
? 
[Continues]
? 
[Ends]
[Shouts, Indistinct] Don't play with me, sucker!
Hey— Hey— Come on. 
Easy.
I'm on the edge.
Easy, okay?
Nobody's playing.
Nobody's playing.
What were you talkin' about in there?
[Shouts] What were you talkin' about?
I was talkin' about retiring in four months with six figures in the bank, okay?
Hmm?
Are you wired?
I'm not wired.
Look, if you're not interested, fine.
Okay? 
I'll leave right now.
You'll never see me again.
How do I know I can trust you?
How can I trust you, huh? 
Huh?
You give the information to me, you get the money from me.
It's real simple.
It's real businesslike.
Vice info, you get a premium.
There's even room for your partner.
Forget about him.
He'd never do it.
That's fine.
There's more for you and me then.
So when do we start?
When you're ready.
I'm ready.
I've been ready.
[Chuckling] You and me are gonna be great together, you know that?
Let's go.
Needless to say, until Detective Varnell completes his investigation, you're prohibited to speak to the press.
[Switek] I realize it's supposed to be business as usual, but are there any special precautions being taken... so the county doesn't run out of body bags?
Both the bomb squad and the lab have set a second shift on 24-hour call.
Don't hesitate to use them.
D.E.A. Agent Ayres will be temporarily assigned... to fill the gap here at O.C.B.
He'll be identified through Tubbs's badge.
What's Tubbs's official status?
Suspended pending dismissal.
That'll be all.
[Scoffs] That's nice, huh?
The bomb squad gets a little O.T., and we're walking into booby traps every other warrant.
[Castillo] Detective, do you have a comment?
No, sir.
My office, gentlemen.
[Sighs]
Sit.
So, I've heard some good things about you from my people.
Yeah? 
Well,
I got something for you that's even better than I got them— a Vice cop.
I'm not just talkin' about warrants.
I'm talkin' about all the paper in your file.
Every piece of the puzzle.
Don't sell me, show me.
Should be no problem.
Good.
Do it. 
And if he comes through, I'll meet him.
Meet him? 
What for?
I can bring you the information.
I'm a businessman, Mclntyre.
I've got questions to ask him that you don't need to hear.
Mr. Avilla, all due respect, he may not want to meet you.
Show me he is what you say he is, then bring him to me, and you can both name your price.
All right.
I'll work on it.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Man, I can get this kind of garbage myself.
Wait a minute.
You asked for information on search warrants, and that's it.
No, no, no.
This ain't gonna make it.
Look, I just made a deal with someone... who can give us the kind of cash we were talking about...
and more.
In one shot.
But I need something very special from you.
Who's the contact?
Onofrio Avilla.
[Both Chuckle]
Wow.
I need all the paper Vice has on him.
That's a lot of paper, man.
Can't handle it?
Oh, I can handle it...
if it's worth it.
Hey, come on.
I brought you in on this.
Now I'm telling you, it's worth it.
Just make sure that the money's green.
[Chuckling]
[Woman] Glenn, I don't like it.
[Mclntyre] Everything is under control.
That's not what I'm talking about.
The cop they killed yesterday— [Sighs] Vicky—
I thought the one in Broward was a mistake, but I don't think so anymore.
I have no control over these people, the way they do things.
I'm not blaming you— They're not Boy Scouts.
They're very serious people, Vick.
But I can't go on like this forever.
How would you rather go on living?
Would you rather me go out there for some 400 bucks a week, getting pension in 20 years for some sorry 60%?
Or maybe you'd rather see me get buried with a flag on my chest.
Is that what you want?
I thought you wanted to make it.
I do. 
But there's gotta be another way.
Then you give it to me.
Tell me what to do.
'Cause waiting 25 years for a gold watch is not gonna make it.
If you want somethin' in this life, you gotta take it. 
Nobody gives you nothin'.
Nothing's for free.
Besides, who knows how many times that Tubbs guy could have bought it workin' undercover?
Then he asks for help, and what do they do?
They suspend him. 
That's not right.
Glenn, I just don't think I can do this forever.
Come here.
You're not gonna have to.
I just lined up a piece of business with a major dealer.
He can give us the kind of cash we were talkin' about.
[Sighs]
We will be set.
And you can be there if you want to be.
[Giggling] You know I want it.
You do? 
Then relax.
Everything's gonna be fine.
We're this close.
This close.
Hey, Rico.
Hey, Bobby.
What are you doing here?
[Sighs] Couldn't sleep.
I, uh, decided to do my supplemental on yesterday morning.
Yeah. 
How're you handling that?
I don't know.
I guess it's put me through some changes.
Yeah, that's understandable.
I hear you're goin' through some changes too.
Well, nothing I can't handle.
You're really gonna bag it?
Yeah, not a day too soon.
What you got there?
It's a case file.
Something I gotta sign off.
Well, look.
Before you sign off for good, man, I gotta tell you something.
Backin' out is a weak play.
I think you're doing the wrong thing.
Yeah? 
Well, who are you to judge me?
Teenybopper... tryin' to cowboy your way up to the top of the ladder.
Man, I was working the New York streets when you were buying corsages for the prom.
Maybe so. 
But I been around long enough to scope someone sneaking out the back door!
Call it anything you like.
I've been shot.
And I been let down one too many times.
The last thing I need is some punk cop in my face!
Yeah, punk.
You're the punk!
Eddie died a better cop than you ever could've been!
[Grunts]
The entire file as promised.
Just give me my money, man.
We'll make the exchange of the goods tomorrow morning, Tubbs.
In that case, you might want to know about a particular warehouse that Avilla owns... on Canal Street.
- What about it?
- Vice is gonna hit it tomorrow morning.
Good.
That's a nice piece of icing.
- That icing's not free.
- You'll get paid, Tubbs.
Don't get pushy.
Hey, look.
Don't tell me how to play the game, Mclntyre.
I need the cash, man.
[Line Clicks, Dial Tone]
[Handset Settles In Cradle] [Engine Starts]
[Whispering] There he is.
[Vehicle Approaching]
Relax.
Hold.
Let's do it.
Here we go.
[Creaking]
[Gunshot]
Go! 
Go! 
Go!
Your boss and I are about to do some serious business.
[Engine Starts]
Get an ambulance. 
Move!
This is the third in a series of police ambushes in the past two weeks, which Channel 9 sources suggest ties to high-level corruption in the police department itself.
Get those cameras out of here.
[Man] Okay, folks. 
It's all over.
[Chattering]
[Man] Come on. 
Come on. 
Sir?
[Gina] Are you all right?
[Groans] I'll be fine, which is more than I can say for whoever measured the powder in those blanks.
Quit your complaining.
Rico didn't give Mclntyre the file until 1:00 a.m.
And then the bomb squad waited all night for Avilla's men to finish... before they could get in and rerig the gun.
[Groans] As long as it gets us the wiretaps.
The prosecutor's trying to get us the okay from the grand jury as we speak.
What about the warrant Tubbs signed on Mclntyre?
Should be in the central computer for his source to pick up on it by this evening.
We're just waiting for Rico to tell us where Mclntyre wants him to meet tonight.
So, what do you do for an encore?
I sit on Mclntyre and hope he doesn't burn our surveillance... before his source tips him about Tubbs's warrant.
Just lie down.
You're supposed to be wounded.
Oh, yeah.
Say, you wouldn't want to grant a dying man's last request?
[Sighs]
[Woman] Stay tuned to WRQE for further updates on the shotgun slaying... of a policeman on 28th Street in South Miami.
And now back to more hits.
[Ringing]
Yeah.
[Mclntyre] We got to talk now.
Our deal was for tonight.
You bring my money.
I know what our deal was.
Everything's changed.
Nothing's changed, Mclntyre.
You listen to me.
This whole thing is coming together right now.
It's on their terms. 
You understand?
We only got one shot at this.
Play ball with me, and you're gonna be out of here with everything you need by this evening, all right?
You gotta give me more time.
I got some other things I gotta do.
Cancel them.
I'm on my way.
? 
[Rock On Stereo]
[Engine Starts]
Assistant State Attorney Kaplan's here.
Grand jury authorized the taps on Mclntyre's apartment and his car phone.
- Who knows?
- Grand jury, me, your investigative team.
- I'm on my way to the phone company now.
- What about Ayres?
Oh, he's fine.
He said he's got plenty of time to get his squad together... to back up tonight's meet with Mclntyre and Tubbs.
Just make sure nobody moves until they're positive that they have Mclntyre's source.
That means they have something specific on taps... or that they actually witness an exchange of information.
Oh, I made it very clear.
If we have to grab Mclntyre before we know who's leaking his information, we're gonna have to let him cop a plea and give up his source, and nobody wants to do that.
Lieutenant, our only problem is that Mclntyre's arrest warrant— [Phone Rings]
Is already in the computer system.
Which means if Mclntyre's already heard from his source,
Tubbs's cover is blown.
Tubbs knew the plan from the start.
It's the only piece of information we knew.
It might draw the attention of the leak.
[Handset Settles In Cradle]
Tubbs is on line two.
You're on the speakerphone.
In the room with me is Assistant State Attorney Kaplan.
He brought some information.
[Tubbs] Mclntyre moved the meet up.
He's on his way here right now.
Listen. 
They had to release the warrant last night.
There might be a possibility that he knows.
Do you think you've been made?
I don't think so.
Seems like he wanted to talk more business.
I tried to put him off, but I thought he might get suspicious.
Let Tubbs pop Mclntyre, hold him until the backup gets there.
Look, if I pop him, his leak is gonna dive so deep that we'll never find him.
So we'll let Mclntyre make a deal.
It's the best we got.
Forget it.
What kind of deal did those dead cops get?
No deals.
That's what this thing is all about.
Lieutenant, even if Mclntyre hasn't heard from his source yet... and Tubbs is with him when he finds out, Tubbs is gone, Lieutenant.
Gone!
He's here, Lieutenant.
You're there.
It's your call.
Just find that leak.
See if Crockett can get to Tubbs on time.
Put on a loose tail.
Let me know the moment your taps are on.
Let's go.
What?
[Tapping Keys]
Damn it!
- You've been made, sport.
- [Hammer Cocks]
Oy, man. 
Kill him.
I'm a suspect, you jerk!
I'm the first one they're gonna pin it on.
Avilla's gotta handle this.
You're going down, Mclntyre.
No matter what you do, you're going down.
Shut up!
- Anything yet?
- No.
They're still trying to run down Mclntyre's car.
Castillo's on the horn with Switek now.
Can you reach Mclntyre's car phone?
[Switek] It went out of range right after I heard him get the call from his girl.
- [Castillo] How long?
- [Switek] Well, I'm working on a booster transmitter now.
But even if I get through to him, it's gonna take me a couple of hours to triangulate his location.
- Keep me posted.
- Right.
Can I speak to you outside?
I know my lieutenant's not gonna give you a deal up front, but I know if you do anything that can be helpful— I just want my lawyer.
She just wants her lawyer.
Great.
? 
[Man Singing Soft Rock]
Stay with him.
? 
[Continues]
[No Audible Dialogue]
? 
[Continues]
[No Audible Dialogue]
[No Audible Dialogue]
Yeah. 
Patch me into Vice— Detective Crockett.
It's an emergency.
[Phone Rings]
Crockett.
This is Diaz.
- I found the leak.
- Where are you?
About a mile past Kendall on the Intercoastal.
It's Tubbs and Mclntyre, man.
Come and get the bodies.
Diaz, w—
[Engine Revs, Tires Screech]
? 
[Continues]
Yeah. 
I need every piece of backup you can get.
Out.
Tubbs, you pig!
[Gunshots Continue]
Freeze!
[Grunts]
[Siren Wailing]
? 
[Continues]
[Sirens Wailing]
? 
[Continues]
Bobby, man.
Look, I didn't go over.
[Straining] Get your— Get your dirty hands off me.
Bobby.
Freeze.
Put it down, Mac.
[Chuckling] Who you kidding?
- [Shouts] - [Gunshot]
? 
[Continues]
? 
[Ends] [Helicopter Approaching]
[Police Radio, Indistinct]
Take as much time off as necessary.
Well, man, I just can't get used to it.
Cops selling each other out.
[Sighs] You gotta try and think of it as just another assignment.
'Cause in the end, that's all it is.
The world keeps turning.
Yeah, maybe.
Sometimes I don't know what kind of world I'm protecting anymore.
Try and remember.
We won this round.
Perhaps.
You know the worst part of it?
Bobby died thinkin' I sold him and Eddie out.
[Sighs] You have to believe he heard you, man.
Excuse me.
For you and Eddie.

I'm instructed to say, my lord, that in withdrawing the charge against the prisoner, the Crown proceeds from a complete conviction of her innocence, and offers no evidence against her.
Judge: 
I am very glad to hear it.
Prisoner at the bar.
The Crown, by unreservedly withdrawing this dreadful charge against you, have demonstrated your innocence in the clearest possible way, and I most heartily congratulate you on this very satisfactory ending to your long ordeal.
Good-bye.
Thank you. 
Bye.
You have been wonderful, the way you've supported me and acted on my behalf.
It was nothing.
You are the woman I would spend the rest of my life with.
How else could I behave?
I've had a lover, Peter.
I've been accused of murdering him.
I'm not going to rush into another affair.
Marriage?
Marriage, affair...
what's the difference?
It's supposed to be love, isn't it?
I'm sorry.
(Gulls crying)
I say, watch the tide!
You'll get cut off soon!
That's peculiar.
I say.
I say.
I say.
Aah!
(Gulls crying)
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
Help!
Help!
Help!
Only one set of footprints...his.
And mine.
(Waves crashing)
The footprints.
Perfect.
(Cows mooing)
Go on!
Harriet: 
I say!
Hello!
Go on.
I say!
Excuse me.
I say, could you tell me, is there a telephone up at that farm?
Telephone?
I never heard of one.
Is anyone there who might be able to help me?
Is the farmer there?
There ain't no one there.
'Tis market day.
Oh, I see.
Do you know where the nearest telephone is?
They might have one at Red Farm.
Where's that?
You go up the road and turn left.
How far?
three or four mile.
Three or four miles.
But you do know there's a telephone there?
Mr. Coffin, he has a wireless.
Oh, I see.
Well, I'll try that.
Thank you.
No, we ain't got no telephone.
Mr. Coffin don't hold with 'em.
Oh, I see.
They do have one at the big house.
Where's that?
Just keep going up the lane, and you'll come to the park gates.
They keep 'em locked.
keep round by the high wall, you'll come to the lodge.
Mind, I'm not sure there's anyone there now.
Might be up in London.
They go up there quite a lot.
Mrs. Coffin, is there anywhere else near here where I can get a telephone?
Oh, Darley! 
I know they got one there.
Just go back to the coast road, and it's on the way to Wilvercombe.
Thank you.
(Chickens cluck)
Ohh! 
Oh, excuse me.
Could you tell me anywhere where I could find a telephone?
Or a car, or...
There's a man on the beach with his throat cut.
Is he a friend of yours?
I don't know him from Adam.
I've got to get to the police before the body gets washed away.
The tide could be going out.
But it isn't.
it's coming in.
Afraid I'm rather shortsighted.
Yes, well, thank you anyway.
D-do you think he was murdered?
I suppose he might have been.
I better come along with you.
I expect you'd feel better if I was along.
Yes, thank you.
We've got to hurry, though.
(Gate creaking)
Hello.
What's your name?
Rosie.
Rosie Pollock.
Well, Rosie, do you know anybody near here who's got a telephone?
Here, Rosie! 
You come inside this minute!
Excuse me.
Mrs. Pollock.
(Car approaches)
Hey!
you didn't stop them.
They could have given us a lift.
What were you doing?
I've got a blister on my heel.
Oh, I am sorry to hear that, because now it looks as though we're going to have to walk all the way to Darley.
Ah, a camper.
Oh, I shouldn't, though.
Excuse me.
Are we anywhere near Darley?
Yes, ten minutes down the road.
First right, and it's half a mile inland.
Oh, thank goodness.
Is there anything the matter?
Well, I've just found a dead body on the beach.
Good lord.
So I wanted to notify the police.
Naturally. 
Well, there's a telephone in Darley.
You can phone the police in Wilvercombe from there.
Right. 
Thanks.
Sorry I can't help.
Damn thing's broken down.
That's all right.
Thank you.
There's no need to stop and talk to everyone we meet.
That fellow was very rude to me this morning when I came through here.
There's something funny about him.
I'm sure he's wearin' a wig.
So what if he is?
Poor man's probably bald.
Unless you think that makes him a murderer.
Come on, then.
let's get to Darley.
(Motorcycle engine running)
Oh, come on!
Havin' her tea, most likely.
Operator: number, please.
The police station, Wilvercombe.
Wilvercombe police station.
Hold the line, please.
Man: 
Wilvercombe police station.
I wish to report a body of a man.
My name is Vane.
Miss Harriet Vane.
And I'm speaking from the grocer's at Darley.
George Hearn's shop.
Where was this, Miss?
Well, it was on a rock sort of shaped like a shoe tree about five miles down the coast.
Is there two big rocks out to sea?
Yes. 
Yes, there are.
Ah, the Grinders they are, Miss.
I know the place.
Flat-iron rock, we call that.
Now, uh, what time did you see the body, Miss?
About 2:00. 
It'll have been washed away by now.
I've been trying to get to a telephone.
If you can hang on, someone will be along directly.
Yes, very well.
Do you think I could make another phone call?
To London?
That'd be an expensive call, Miss.
I'm sure ten shillings would cover it.
Very good, Miss.
Help yourself, Miss.
Thank you.
(Typewriters clacking)
(Telephone rings)
Man: (Indistinct)
Look, I'd love to do your job, but I've got my own problems, all right?
Yeah, so just stop whining and get on with it.
About time.
Quick one to lay the dust?
Wig and pen in ten minutes, OK?
(Telephone rings)
Took the words out of my mouth.
Morning Star, News Editor.
Harriet: 
Crime reporter, please.
Hang on. 
Sally!
Who wants him?
Harriet Vane.
Could you speak up, please?
Harriet Vane.
I'm calling from Darley, near Wilvercombe.
Yeah, hang on.
Harriet Vane.
Wasn't she on that murder charge?
Lord Peter Wimsey's friend.
I'll take it.
Salcombe Hardy here, Miss Vane.
Good afternoon, Mr. Hardy.
Good afternoon.
I see you've been reporting the Clarence Hatry case.
It's early stages yet, but just wait.
There'll be some disclosures there, all right.
But what about you, Miss Vane?
The whole of fleet street's wondering what became of you.
I'm on a walking tour of the west country.
Ah, get away from it all, eh?
Partly.
Well, what can we do for you, Miss Vane?
I've got an exclusive for you.
What's the catch?
Oh, come now, Mr. Hardy.
you're too cynical.
It's a cynical business.
What's the catch?
Have you got a pen handy?
Yes, thank you.
"Whilst working on the plot of her latest novel..."
It's called The fountain-pen mystery...
So that's the catch.
Call it a quid pro quo.
"Miss Harriet Vane came across the body of a man."
(Dog barks)
(Bells chiming)
(Dog barking)
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
Miss Harriet Vane?
That's right.
Inspector Trethowan.
Good afternoon, Inspector.
Oh.
You reported seein' the body of a man.
That's right, though I doubt if it will be there any longer.
Quite so.
What did you say your name was, again?
Miss Harriet Vane.
Yes, that's right, I've been tried for murder.
Oh, and acquitted, Miss.
I think Lord Peter Wimsey had something to do with that.
Yes, something.
I owe Lord Peter a great deal.
It's far too long.
They're bound to use the photograph.
Cut it in half, or the sub will mutilate it.
Our Miss Vane seems to have stumbled on a hot one.
I'd better let Lord Peter know, but not just yet.
Let's get the story in first.
This hiker...you didn't see where he went to?
No. 
I went in to telephone.
when I came out, he'd gone.
Can you describe him, Miss?
Thin, in his 30s, tortoiseshell spectacles, mousy hair, khaki shorts, haversack.
Very observant, Miss.
Now, do you mind telling me where you're heading for?
I'd hoped to spend the night in Wilvercombe, Inspector.
Yes, well, we may have to ask you to spend two or three days in the area.
Oh, yes. 
Well, if it's murder, I want to be in on it.
Murder, Miss?
Or suicide.
Yes, quite.
We'll give you a lift into Wilvercombe.
We can talk about it in the car.
Right.
Bring her bag.
Aye, sir.
I don't suppose you could recommend anywhere, Inspector?
Um, Cleggs Temperance Hotel is generally reckoned to be quite comfortable.
I daresay it is, but...
What about the Resplendent?
Resplendent?
(Chuckles)
That's pushing the boat out a bit, isn't it?
Sounds just what I feel like.
Take me to the Resplendent Hotel.
Thank you so much.
good evening.
I am afraid that all our rooms are engaged.
Surely not this late in the season.
Very well. 
I'll have a drink in the lounge.
Perhaps you'd ask the manager to have a word with me.
My name is Vane, Miss Vane.
Would you join me, Inspector?
Oh, very kind of you, Miss, yes.
Harriet Vane, the famous mystery writer.
Friend of Lord Peter Wimsey's.
Oh!
Miss Vane.
(Turns page in register)
I had quite forgotten that an American gentleman vacated his room sooner than he expected.
Number 223 on the second floor with a nice view of the Esplanade.
Does it have a private bathroom?
Oh, yes, madam...
Miss Vane.
And a balcony.
I think you'll find it quite satisfactory.
Thank you.
have you got a paper bag?
A paper bag, Miss Vane?
Yes, a large one.
Will this do?
Perfect.
Items from the corpse.
Oh, and I forgot.
My camera. 
I took some pictures of the corpse.
I'd quite like to know how they come out.
Room 223, did you say?
Maybe you'd ask the porter to bring my luggage up?
I'll be along tomorrow, Inspector, if that's all right.
Oh, yes, Miss.
good night.
Good night.
good night, Constable.
Good night.
Well, bring the bag, Percy.
Oh, aye, sir.
(Ding)
The Hotel Resplendent, Wilvercombe?
When did you hear this?
Couple of minutes ago.
she just called.
An Inspector Trethowan is in charge of the case.
She doesn't know you're telling me this, I suppose?
Does a newspaperman tell one hand what the other one's doing?
Only when he thinks it'll make a better story.
But thank you, Sally, and get yourself here tomorrow morning at dawn.
Your White Lady, my lord.
My white lady?
An omen, do you think?
My lord?
Pack a bag, Bunter.
Wilvercombe, my lord?
Where else?
(Playing lively music)
(Music ends)
(Applause)
Waiter.
Isn't Mr. Alexis yet arrived?
I believe not, madam.
Why not? 
Is he ill?
Uh, I don't think so, madam.
But...
I'm sure Monsieur Antoine would be happy...
No! 
No, thank you.
It really doesn't matter.
(Band tuning up)
(Band playing slow romantic music)
Madame, this is your favourite tune, n'est ce pas?
Pray, do me the honor.
Now, then, Mr. Blenkinsop, aren't you going to ask me to dance today?
I shall have to give you one of my scolds.
Oh, yes, please.
(Laughs) Mr. Blenkinsop.
Come on, I thought we were going to practice that new chasse.
(Snoring)
(Door opens)
Lord Peter: 
May I come into your parlour?
Peter.
What on earth brings you here?
"Famous author finds body on beach."
So, here I am, like a bird that hears the call of its mate.
I didn't call.
I meant the body.
Oh.
But, talking of mates, will you marry me?
Certainly not.
How did you get here so quickly?
Sally Hardy, who is even now waiting for the bar to open, told me "my Miss Vane"
had found a corpse and did I know about it.
I don't know how he knew.
I told him.
The gory details?
Certainly. 
Good publicity for my new book.
Does this not...pardon me... indicate a certain coarsening of the fibers?
Absolutely.
At this moment, my fibers resemble coconut matting.
With not even "welcome" written across them.
I'm off to the police.
Look, here, beloved.
Bearing in mind that I, too, am a meddler in mysteries, couldn't you, as man to man, let me in on the ground floor?
Besides, I could offer you a lift.
Oh, well, if you put it like that, yes, I suppose.
(Knock on door)
Oh, good morning, Miss Vane.
Harriet:
Inspector Trethowan.
This is Lord Peter Wimsey, whose interest in crime you may know of.
Oh, well, I never.
Very glad to make your acquaintance, my lord.
Thank you, Percy.
Oh, right, sir.
Of course I know of you.
Excuse me.
You're early on the scene, I must say.
Not that there's much in it for you, my lord.
Plain case of suicide.
It appears so.
Yes. 
Oh, I expect you're waiting to see how your snaps have turned out, Miss Vane.
Oh, yes. 
Thank you.
And we've identified the man.
Oh, well done, Inspector.
Yes. 
I didn't think we'd have too much trouble, a foreign-looking gentleman like that.
And was he a foreigner?
Oh, yes, a Russian or something of the sort.
Paul Alexis Goldschmidt, but he called himself Paul Alexis...
One of the professional dancers at the hotel where you're staying, Miss Vane.
Good heavens. 
Really?
Poor man.
Did he leave a note anywhere?
Well, if he did, we've not found it.
Nor the body, neither.
'Tis a bit of a bother, that.
Yes. 
No body, no inquest.
Have his carcass or the coroner can't sit on it.
Yes, just so, my lord.
Just as well Miss Vane took these photographs.
Otherwise you wouldn't know there was a body.
Quite so.
Coroner can't sit on a photograph, though.
Trethowan: 
Still, it looks a plain enough case of suicide.
Oh, do you think so?
Don't you?
Well...
Why should a man wear gloves to cut his own throat?
Yes, I wondered about that.
And what's a man with a full beard doing with a razor, anyway?
He might have had it before he grew the beard.
He might have bought it especially for the purpose.
Yes.
Inspector, I wonder if I might see it and if my man Bunter could have a look at it, too.
He's a veritable barber shop of information when it comes to razors.
Endicott, my lord.
Yes.
Endicott?
He is...or was, since he's now retired...
One of the most exclusive gentlemen's hairdressers in the West End, so exclusive one had to have had one's name for 300 years in debrett in order to secure so much as a short back and sides.
And he preferred to the end to be known by the old-fashioned description of "Barber."
Very slight crack in the handle, my lord.
Yes.
Owned, my dear Sherlock, as you will no doubt have deduced, by a middle-aged man of short temper and careless habits, with a stiff beard and expensive tastes.
Absolutely my view entirely.
(Laughs)
You will have your little joke, my lord.
Oh, would you care to see the other exhibits?
Oh, very good of you, Inspector.
Hmm.
Cranial capacity on the small side.
(Sniffs)
Brilliantine... ordinary stinking variety.
Last year's hat reblocked with a new ribbon.
Style a little more emphatic than is quite necessary.
Deduction...
not wealthy, but keen on his personal appearance.
Ah, the cigarette case is pukka, all right.
Fifteen-carat gold, plain, fairly new monogram.
"P.A." probably a gift from a wealthy female admirer.
Waiter.
Is not Mr. Alexis yet arrived?
I believe not, madam.
Why not? 
Is he ill?
Uh, I don't think so, madam.
But...
I'm sure Monsieur Antoine would be happy to...
No! 
No, thank you.
it really doesn't matter.
Lord Peter:
Handkerchief, silk, and an unfortunate colour.
It did match his socks.
Yes, I daresay it would.
Laundry mark?
Wilvercombe Sanitary Steam Laundry, my lord.
All correct.
Well done, Constable.
Glove.
Mass-produced chamois leather.
You took this off his hand?
Yes. 
Soaked with blood.
Soaked, not dried?
No, no. 
That was what was so awful.
It was still dripping.
Hmm.
Shoe.
Thin sole, fairly new.
Foul colour.
Worse shape.
Handmade, my lord.
Yes, so horrid appearance is due to malice aforethought.
Made to measure for Mr. Alexis in Wilvercombe.
I checked this morning.
Quick work, Constable.
You are obviously destined for greatness.
Slight traces of saltwater on the sole, none on the uppers.
So, inference... 
Ahem...
Walked across the wet sand but didn't actually wade in the water.
I tried it in the footprint.
It fit it exactly.
And according to Miss Vane's photographs, my lord, there were only one set of footprints out to the rock.
So it had to be suicide.
Unless the murderer came from the sea, which, as you are about to observe, Inspector, is absurd.
I would love to savour the wonders of Wilvercombe with you, but Bunter and I must leave instantly for Epsom.
Epsom?
Where Mr. Endicott lives in virtuous retirement to pursue the matter of the razor.
And the middle-aged man of short temper and careless habits, with stiff beard and expensive tastes.
What a wonderful memory you have.
I grant you that the razor is important, but why do you still think it wasn't suicide?
Maybe the two go together.
One of the many things I love about you, Harriet, is your percipience.
Bunter, would Mr. Endicott have sold one of his handmade razors to a gigolo called Paul Alexis?
Certainly not to a gentleman who wore that hat and those shoes and whose handkerchief, most unfortunately, matched his socks.
Mr. Endicott sold his handmade razors exclusively to his own clients, and highly favoured ones, at that.
Moreover, each one has a serial number.
So until you find out how that razor got into the hands of Paul Alexis...
I won't be satisfied to call it suicide.
Still, I'm sorry, O best beloved, to tear myself away from you.
Not at all.
I was going to say
I've got plenty of work to do.
Of course.
The fountain-pen mystery.
(Softly) Don't forget our murder.
If it was murder.
Oh, you might try a turn round the dance floor with the other dancing parties, see if you can get any gossip about Paul Alexis.
I shall have to get a better evening frock.
Get a wine-coloured one.
I've always longed to see you in wine colour. 
Bunter.
Peter!
Yes?
Port or Burgundy?
What?
the frock.
Oh, Claret.
Chateau Margaux '93 or thereabouts.
I'm not particular within a year or two.
I should like to know if anything has happened.
I'm afraid I don't know any more than... that lady, Miss Vane, arrived with the police.
Miss Vane!
I do apologize for bothering you.
Yes, can I help you?
My name is Flora Weldon.
The receptionist said you know the police here.
Well, not exactly know, but why?
A very dear friend, a Mr. Paul Alexis...
He's one of the professional dancers here.
Shall we go into the lounge?
Oh, um, yes.
It's about Mr. Alexis.
You see, I haven't seen him since the evening before last.
That's most unusual, because...
Would you like to sit down and tell me everything you know?
The chambermaid said that there were dreadful rumors about, uh, something having happened to Paul...
To Mr. Alexis...
But nobody will actually tell me anything.
Please, Miss Vane, tell me what's going on.
Well, Mrs. Weldon, I'm afraid something rather beastly has happened.
Yesterday I was down by the seashore, and I came across a man lying there dead, and it seems it was Paul Alexis.
Oh, no.
I...
I know he wasn't strong.
Uh, was it a heart attack?
No, I'm afraid not.
What, then?
Mrs. Weldon...
Please tell me.
His throat was cut.
Oh, G...oh, God!
Oh, oh, G...
Oh, God!
Can you get me a double brandy, please?
Quickly.
I'm so sorry.
I must look dreadful.
Not that it matters now, with Paul...
I'm afraid you must think I'm very silly.
No, not at all.
If Paul Alexis was a friend of yours...
He was a very dear friend.
He was much more than that.
Would you like a cigarette?
Oh, yes, please.
He was...
Paul was...
So handsome and graceful.
Of course, all the women ran after him, but, uh, he was lonely just as I was.
The first night I was here, he came over and asked me to dance, and it seemed as if we were...
We were drawn together.
It was as though the moment our eyes met, we knew we were meant for each other.
(Romantic music playing)
We danced together every night.
We had to be careful.
You see, people say such horrid things, and I was a little bit older than he was.
I used to worry about it, but Paul used to say...
My Flora, it is the heart that counts, and your heart is just 17.
It was beautiful of him.
But quite true. 
I...
I felt 17 when I was with him.
Of course, I was married scandalously young.
You might not think I'm old enough, my dear, but I do have a grown-up son.
Really?
But Henry has been a great disappointment to me.
He has no heart, and that seems so strange, because I'm all heart.
If only he'd been kinder to me after my husband died, but it seemed that all Henry was interested in was the money, and of course, all that was left to me.
Oh, really?
My marriage wasn't happy, but it wasn't my husband's fault.
He just was not very...sensitive, and after he died and I was left alone...
Well, one can't be blamed for wanting to snatch a little happiness, can one?
No, no, absolutely not.
Oh, you are so kind, my dear.
And so clever.
I know you write detective books.
Oh, please, Miss Vane, please tell me who they think murdered Paul.
Well, I'm afraid, Mrs. Wel...
I'm afraid they think it was suicide.
Oh, no.
No, that's impossible.
I know it is.
Well, Mrs. Weldon, I found the body...
No, no, no.
He would never have killed himself when he was so happy.
You see, Miss Vane...
We were going to be married.
There's the place, my lord.
Bunter, what time have you?
10 minutes to 5:00, my lord.
I almost feel we should synchronize our watches before going up the drive.
Or over the top, my lord.
Bunter, how do you suppose a retired colonel's razor came to cut the throat of a professional dancing partner?
Yes, an intriguing question, my lord.
And one requiring a certain delicacy of approach.
All I can say is it's a damned ungentlemanly business, going and asking a fellow's barber questions behind his back.
As for being mixed up in the death of some dago, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, interfering with the police.
Awfully sorry, sir.
detecting is my hobby.
A fellow has to have a hobby of some kind.
I daresay, but why can't he take up golf or breeding' spaniels?
Quite right, sir.
Much more appropriate.
Trouble is, I got interested in intelligence during the war.
One thing led to another.
Old school friend of mine was in intelligence.
Bevington-Spender.
What an extraordinary coincidence.
We were together at Chateau d'Or just before the Somme.
Bad show, that.
We tried to tell them.
they wouldn't listen.
Lost a lot of good friends, too.
Daresay you did.
What do you want to know?
About the razor you got from Endicott, sir.
Razors aren't what they used to be.
Nothing is.
Nothing will be till we get a Conservative government.
Do you still have it, sir?
What, the razor?
no, no, no.
I told Endicott I wondered he should make such inferior stuff.
No, no, no, gave it to my gardener Summers.
Very decent sort of fellow.
knew he'd appreciate it.
Well, you'll take a glass of Madeira? 
This way.
Oh.
Nice blooms, those.
Would they be the Blanche?
That's right.
Blanche Poitevans.
We won a prize with our Chrysanths last year.
I'm not surprised.
Not that I know much about them, mind.
I just take an interest when his lordship's at Denver.
You...you use a cutthroat, do you, Mr. Summers?
Do you?
No, no. 
His lordship's accustomed to it.
I prefer a safety razor myself.
Cutthroat's an awkward thing to have about the house if you've no use for it.
Especially if you have a family.
Ah, well, that's what i thought.
Didn't want the youngsters to get hold of it.
Sold it, did you?
Oh, no. 
No, I wouldn't like to do that.
Colonel Belfridge is a very kind gentleman in spite of his manner.
Bark worse than his bite, as they say?
That's it exactly.
Wouldn't like to hurt his feelin's.
Still, what the eye don't see, the heart can't grieve for.
Ah, well, the truth is, the wife's brother is a gentlemen's hairdresser in Seahampton, so I gave it to him.
Seahampton?
That's near Wilvercombe, isn't it?

THE CRY OF THE OWL
Are you coming or what?
I'm right behind you.
I hate to ask, but can you do me a favor?
What is it?
A small loan till the end of the month.
I gotta take Josette out for our wedding anniversary.
Real cool of you!
Why not come celebrate with us?
- Josette would love it.
- I'm not so sure.
Come on, she's nuts about you!
Three's a crowd for a wedding anniversary.
Have a great weekend.
Thanks, in any case.
- What're you looking at?
- Nothing.
I don't like twilight.
Wanna have dinner right away?
No, I'd rather watch TV.
Your wish is my command.
- How about that?
- Whatever! 
I'm beat.
It'll clear out my head.
Pour me a whisky, sweetie?
On the rocks and lots of Perrier.
- Patrick!
- Yes?
I heard some noise outside again.
Are you sure?
Listen!
This house is too remote, you should get a dog.
I don't like dogs.
You heard that, right?
It's probably nothing.
Want me to go check?
Yes, it must be a prowler.
Not while I'm around!
Be careful!
Finally! 
Where were you?
- Out. 
You tried to reach me?
- For the last two hours.
I have good news.
You'll be a free man in a week.
I'm marrying Marcello as soon as possible.
I'm glad everything's working out.
- What about the divorce papers?
- Don't worry, I took care of it.
- Thanks for calling.
- We split the bill 50/50?
No problem.
How are you, mentally?
- Still unhinged?
- No, I don't think so.
- Things have calmed down.
- Still living in that hole?
It's a nice town, though I won't settle here permanently.
Met anyone?
Please! 
Tend to Marcello and your art and leave me alone.
You can count on that!
You're a royal pain!
No more brooding types for me!
Thanks for calling.
Bye, Véronique.
Bye.
Evening.
- My name's Robert Forestier.
- What're you doing here?
Are you a neighbor?
Not exactly.
This isn't your first time here.
No, it's not.
Don't come any closer!
You want to call the police?
I'll wait if you want.
No, I won't call the police.
But I don't want prowlers around here.
I promise not to bother you again.
I'm sorry I scared you before.
I didn't mean to.
I...
What were you going to say?
I'd like you to forgive me.
I just liked watching you cook and going about your business.
I can't explain it.
You shouldn't be scared, I'm no criminal.
But I felt lonely and depressed.
And...
Do you understand?
Yes,
I belt a bit depressed.
And... the sight of you behind the window, for me, anyway, was a beautiful vision.
Very reassuring.
Are you cold?
You should go inside.
You're right.
I best be going.
No, wait.
You said you were depressed.
Yes.
What I meant to say was, when I was sad, watching you made me feel better.
- You seem so happy.
- Really?
Looks can be deceiving.
Well...
This is silly.
Want to come in?
Go on in.
Have a seat.
Want some coffee?
No, it keeps me awake at night.
- Mind if I have some?
- No, of course not.
My name's Juliette Volant.
I know, I saw your name on the mailbox.
- I work at the Vichy HBC.
- The what?
The Health and Beauty Center.
I'm on vacation, so I'm fixing up the place.
I'm from Moulin and came here to work.
I didn't want to keep living at my parents'.
I wanted to be free.
All my friends said I was nuts, but I know I was right.
This was my aunt's house, she did tapestry work.
She passed away last year.
That's Patrick, my fiancé.
He's a pharmaceutical rep.
Look.
Magnesium, calcium...
- For all my deficiencies.
- Impressive!
He's an impressive guy.
Everybody tells me so.
Do you live in the area?
I work for a company in Vichy, but I'm from Paris.
What do you do, exactly?
- Anything to drink?
- I'm fine, thanks.
I draw... various things.
It's interesting.
I wish I could draw!
Do you paint as well?
No, I leave that to others.
I also draw birds.
I photograph them in full flight and capture that moment.
What an odd encounter!
- With the birds?
- No, you and me!
I should still be scared of you, but I'm not scared at all.
On the contrary, I find you reassuring.
Curious, no?
Odd encounters are always curious.
But I prefer meeting like this than through a third person.
You believe in fate?
I believe certain people represent certain things.
When I was little,
I met a man who represented death.
He was a friend of my dad's who spent a few days with us.
I didn't like him.
A week after he left, my little brother died of meningitis.
So what do I represent for you?
A young woman with a lovely house, with a job and a fiancé, who's happy and fulfilled.
I've never thought of myself as being fulfilled.
No one does, but you're happy.
Why were you depressed?
Probably because life is meaningless when you don't share it with someone.
But it got better when I started watching you three months ago.
Three months?
I started feeling your presence only two weeks ago.
I guess I was taking more chances.
Patrick is quite a handsome guy!
- I'm scared.
- Of me?
No, of the wedding.
Girls often get pre-wedding jitters.
Men too...
Have you ever been married?
No...
These cookies are delicious.
I made them myself.
Here, have the last one.
If I'd known...
Known what?
That I was coming over?
If ever you want to talk, give me a ring and come over.
I'd like you to meet Patrick.
He's on a three-day round.
Really think that's necessary?
We don't need to tell him how we met.
I'll say a friend introduced us.
He wouldn't understand otherwise.
I think you're right about that.
Here he is!
Mr. Forestier!
I have a package for you.
A package?
Go get the package, Bertrand.
You're home early today.
A young woman brought it over.
I said it wasn't wise to leave it outside.
That's sweet of you, thanks.
Damn!
Hi, it's Juliette Volant.
- Hi.
- Did you get my package?
I was about to call to thank you.
- How are you feeling?
- OK.
I thought maybe you could come over for dinner this week.
That's sweet of you.
But let me invite you to the Violon d'Ingres.
- That's a fancy restaurant!
- Does that scare you?
I doubt you'll stick around here long.
You seem like someone who prefers big cities.
Will you and Patrick live here after you're married?
Patrick wants to settle down in Clermont, on account of his work.
But I'm not thrilled about it.
You like your house?
Yes.
But mostly, I'm not sure I want to marry him anymore.
Why not?
I'm not sure I love him enough.
I won't marry him!
When did you decide this?
Two days ago.
You could just postpone it.
It won't change anything, my mind's made up!
- Have you told Patrick?
- Yes.
He thinks I'll change my mind.
May I ask you a personal question?
Sure, go ahead.
Did you leave Paris because of a woman?
No, no.
A professional disagreement, and I had to vacate my apartment.
Bon appétit.
We could go for a walk after dinner.
Two lumps.
I'll make you a chocolate cake tomorrow.
I won't be able to come tomorrow.
Expecting someone?
No, that's just it!
I'll go see who it is.
Suzie!
What's going on?
I've been calling for two days.
Is that Patrick?
It's your life, I just wanted to see how you were.
- Robert... 
Suzie.
- Nice to meet you.
A friend of Patrick's?
No, Robert doesn't know Patrick.
I see.
So how did you two meet?
Through a mutual friend.
Want some tea?
No, I'll come back some other time.
I'll see you out, then.
- Sorry, I couldn't have known.
- Don't go imagining things...!
That's my little brother.
He was 12 when he died.
I can see the resemblance.
Now I'm always afraid of death.
I'm scared it'll take me in the middle of the night.
You shouldn't be scared of death.
- Because you believe in God?
- No!
God is a cold and remote being.
Death is much closer to us.
People often dream of death, but never of God.
- What are your dreams of death?
- I have this recurring one.
I'm in front of a huge mirror, but it's not me I see.
There's a man sitting at a table.
I approach him and he looks at me.
He has jet-black hair and a gold tooth.
I ask his name and he answers, "I'm Brother Death."
- And he takes you?
- No, I wake up.
You shouldn't be afraid of death.
Got a spare light bulb?
Yes, in the kitchen.
Good thing you're here, I hate anything electric.
You shouldn't be afraid of electricity.
My mom hates dealing with lamps too.
She says men are useless, except when it comes to doing odd jobs.
I didn't even hear you come in.
This is Robert.
Good day...
Er, good evening.
Juliette hiding you?
- No!
- I'm just passing through.
I know, you met through a mutual friend.
Already showed him your photo album?
Forgot we were having dinner tonight?
- I should be off, then.
- Yes, you should.
Suzie must've blabbed.
- This couldn't go on, Juliette.
- What couldn't go on?
- Please!
- Knew we were getting married?
- Broke it off 'cause of him?
- Certainly not!
That's not what I heard!
If I promise to stop seeing her?
- Promise away!
- You have no right!
- It's an empty promise anyway.
- I'm not to blame.
- Happy now?
- Who the hell is that guy?
Robert!
Here.
- There was no rush.
- My wife insisted.
Thanks.
See ya!
I had a hard time finding you.
I wanted to apologize for Patrick's rudeness.
It was nothing, you shouldn't have bothered.
Robert,
I've thought if over, I really like you.
Honestly, Juliette, you shouldn't...
I'm not right for you.
Why not?
I'm not a normal kind of guy.
If you heard what my wife said about me...
Your "wife"?
You said you were never married.
Well, I lied!
I have a wife who thinks I'm a basket case.
- You have kids too?
- No, no kids.
I had a fight with my wife and left Paris.
That's why I'm here.
She left you, it happens.
- Good, you're free.
- Don't be childish!
You lied to me and I'm not even angry with you.
Give me a lift home, I don't want to take the bus.
You know absolutely nothing about me!
It's true, I'm unstable.
When I was 20, I had a major depression.
I was treated for six months.
I was in pretty bad shape last year too.
Even now, I have to try really hard to stay sane.
Everybody's like that.
Think spying on you for weeks is normal?
No, but whatever, I still like you.
I don't want to play games, Juliette.
I don't think you are.
You've been very honest with me.
I'm capable of doing horrendous things!
One night, I pointed a gun at my wife while she slept.
I put the muzzle right next to her temple!
It almost touched her!
Did you shoot?
If I had, she'd be dead.
I doubt you could kill anyone.
Only because no living thing is worth the bother.
See? 
I know you better than you think.
On the contrary.
I used to be afraid of death.
So I began thinking about it incessantly, till it became like an old friend.
When I started seeing death that way,
I saw the world in a whole new way.
It's not sad at all, on the contrary.
And after meeting you,
I saw the world in a whole new way too.
You're spouting nonsense, you're just a child!
I'm 23 and I can't help loving you...
Listen, we have to stop seeing each other.
Sorry, but that's the way it is.
- You don't like being with me?
- I love being with you!
- But I'd rather you be happy.
- But I am happy!
When I watched you through the window,
I liked imagining you happy with your fiancé.
That's all.
Meeting you was a mistake.
In any case, thanks for making me realize that I didn't love Patrick and shouldn't marry him.
- I thank you for that.
- Patrick won't feel that way.
But that's the way it is.
Goodbye, then.
"Goodbye," then.
Why're you sitting in the dark?
- I was waiting for you.
- Make yourself at home!
I learned things about your Robert Forestier.
I called his apartment in Paris.
I spoke to his wife.
A psychiatrist advised them to get a divorce.
He's chronically depressed, an incurable pessimist.
You should keep your distance.
And you stop snooping around!
Stick to you samples!
Still, your friend is a nutjob.
And it's not true that you met through a mutual friend.
These can finally come in handy.
Take two of these at bedtime to calm you down.
His wife made me wonder about something.
Was he the prowler, by any chance?
- That's how you met him, right?
- Beat it.
- No need to get riled up.
- Gimme the key and beat it.
- Here, I wrote you a letter.
- Gimme the key and beat it.
Please let me in.
What's going on?
Let me in.
It's kinda scary, but it's quite beautiful.
I'm illustrating a bird-watching book.
I thought we'd agreed to stop seeing each other.
I know, I'm sorry.
I couldn't help it, I just had to see you.
I really tried.
I thought I would die.
Do you realize how complicated this could get?
I love you.
Don't be silly.
I love you.
I made you some coffee.
You fainted.
I'm being so much trouble.
Not at all, don't be silly.
I broke up with Patrick for good.
He gave me back his house key.
Here it is.
You have a fever.
I know.
Mind if I sleep here tonight?
OK, I'll sleep in the living room.
- Want some pajamas?
- No, I'm fine.
I'm very tired, I want to sleep.
It's sweet of you, thanks.
Robert!
Yes?
I'm happy, you know.
Forestier!
Juliette was with you last night, wasn't she?
- Ask her.
- I'm asking you!
But I already know the answer.
Keep away from Juliette, OK?
- You're out of the loop.
- Or I'll smash your skull in!
- He's all worked up!
- He's a sad case.
- Want me to get that?
- No, I will!
Hello?
Oh, it's you!
You sound less manly than last time.
Just kidding!
Juliette is living with him now.
You must be miserable, but that's just like Robert.
He's always been into young girls.
Be patient, he usually drops them after six weeks.
- What a bastard!
- Don't fall apart, now!
You should smash his face in to teach him a lesson.
He deserves it, he's so deceitful.
Unlike you, right?
Can't you leave him alone?
Bye, now!
It's "Patrick," right?
Call me anytime.
Let me have some fun!
Morning.
- Morning.
- I feel fine this morning.
You're barefoot, you'll catch cold.
My feet are always warm.
This can't go on.
You can't spend every night here.
Vacation's almost over, I'll be going home.
We'll be just as comfortable there.
I don't want to be dragged into this.
You could make me happy for a few more days.
Your friend Patrick said he would kill me.
Are you scared?
No.
But I hate scenes.
I'm taking you home, you can't stay here any longer.
Fine.
- But promise to come and see me.
- Calm down, Juliette!
- Promise!
- I promise.
- I can leave you the key...
- Out of the question!
I'll leave it with you, come whenever you like.
Whenever you like...
- See how reasonable I'm being?
- Yes, very reasonable.
- What'll you do today?
- Dunno, maybe sleep.
- What an odd notion...
- You know what Byron said?
Sleeping and death are like brother and sister.
Byron was wrong, and stop talking about death!
Does it scare you?
It must be fascinating to die with someone you love.
No, certainly not fascinating.
- You've never loved anyone.
- Probably not.
Not even...
See you tonight, like you promised?
Yes, I did promise.
Tonight at the Violon d'Ingres?
See you then.
Morning.
Forestier, right?
- How's it coming along?
- Almost done.
I'm counting on you!
Morning!
Did you take the elevator, or did I imagine it?
No, you didn't imagine it.
Thought you were claustrophobic!
I got help, I'm much better now.
You look great today!
Was it taking the elevator with the boss that did it?
Not only.
Things are finally falling into place, or rather, I'm falling into place!
You're a real sicko!
So I've heard.
So how are you, Forestier?
Huh, Forestier?
You're a piece of shit, Forestier!
Come on out, Forestier!
Off to meet Juliette?
You bastard!
Would you like a menu, Miss?
No... 
Yes, please.
Here you go.
What happened?
It's nothing.
I bumped... into Patrick.
What did he do to you?
He tried to hurt me, obviously.
I'll explain after we order.
Cassoulet de langoustine.
Bon appétit.
- It's swelling up!
- Does it hurt?
It doesn't feel great.
Don't know why I dragged him out of the river!
- So you saved his life?
- Not deliberately.
The water wasn't very deep anyway.
- Did he break a tooth?
- No.
Just loosened it.
Good thing we have dentists!
Funny how chipper you seem.
It could've turned out worse.
In any case, I'm going back to Paris after I finish up here.
I thought you had to stay in Vichy for several months.
I thought so too, but not anymore.
I'm returning to Paris.
What if I went with you?
Don't be so hasty.
I don't know yet.
I hate making promises, so I don't want to make any promises.
Maybe someday you'll love me enough to marry me.
Don't wait for me, Juliette.
I beg you not to wait for me.
MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE OF PHARMACEUTICAL REP
But Patrick was pretty sturdy.
He must've been taken off-guard.
They're searching the river with a fine-tooth comb.
I doubt Patrick drowned.
Dead drunk, more like.
Never considered he killed himself over you?
No, he's not the type.
It shows you've never had your heart broken.
Hello?
Robert?
Did you see the paper?
Patrick's missing.
Yes, I just saw it.
The only clues were three small buttons from a man's blazer.
They're mine, obviously.
I'd better turn myself in.
But you didn't do anything!
He's the one who attacked you, and you pulled him out of the river.
And that's what I'll tell them.
Wait a while, you could get into trouble.
If I wait, it could be worse.
One mustn't fear the police.
I'll call them right now.
There you are!
Give him Room No. 3.
What was the reason for the fight?
He was angry with me for seeing Juliette.
He'd already threatened me, so I was expecting it.
His friends said he was quite a hothead.
And nothing's going on between Miss Volant and me.
That's good to know, crimes of passion are common.
When you left, how far was he from the river?
Dunno, it was quite dark.
He was sitting, in a daze.
Think he could've fallen back in?
It's possible.
There are boulders, he could've knocked his head.
Some spots are three meters deep.
You said he'd threatened to smash in your skull.
What did you tell him?
That he should go for it.
That must've made his blood boil.
What do you think, Miss?
That he's getting drunk with pals.
So you're quite optimistic.
Please wait while I type out your statements so you can sign them.
And you were right to report this so soon.
Why say there was nothing between us?
Because it's true.
Why are you staring at me?
You think I killed him?
You should go rest.
Yes.
I think I'll go home.
Mind if we stop seeing each other for a few days?
We should've stopped from the start.
You said I was the girl of your dreams then.
You said I was the girl of your dreams!
Dreams should remain in the realm of dreams.
They shouldn't seep into real life.
I should never have spoken to you.
But you did.
How I wish things had been different!
I seem such a burden to you!
Yet you sought me out and introduced yourself!
Juliette!
We're going around in circles!
Only death seeks out people the way you did.
No, he's not the most stable guy around.
He's never been violent, but he does sow chaos.
That's not what I meant, Captain.
But he's bad luck.
It rains every time it's his birthday!
Here.
Thanks.
If he were dead, they would've found his body.
You know the drill:
All bodies immersed in liquid eventually end up resurfacing.
I have the feeling everyone thinks I killed him.
- No!
- Oh yes.
There'll be articles in the paper, and then a headline with an old photo of me.
I'll look like the genuine article.
Just wait!
- But you're smiling!
- A nervous smile.
Like I'm caught in a spider web.
Mr. Forestier...
Am I interrupting?
Hello, Captain.
This is Jacques Constant.
Captain Grégoire, in charge of Patrick's case.
- I'll leave you two...
- I won't be long.
I have a few questions for Mr. Forestier.
- Coffee?
- I'd love some.
- I'll get you some.
- Thanks.
Any leads?
Yes and no.
We called your wife in Paris.
She said you were unstable and prone to violence.
Like I said, Patrick provoked me.
That still doesn't explain the facts.
There you go.
Thanks.
See you later, then.
You can have him back in five.
What can I tell you?
You think I'm a murderer?
How'd you meet Juliette Volant?
What's that got to do with anything?
She refused to answer that question too.
I'm starting to wonder if it isn't some big secret.
Maybe a madeleine will jolt your memory.
I don't like plastic-wrapped pastries.
A fussy eater!
Did you know Patrick Soulage visited your wife in Paris?
- No.
- Well, he did.
He said a man had prowled around Miss Volant's property, and that man was you.
You didn't meet her by prowling around her property, did you?
No.
Good, 'cause prowlers are always nutjobs.
These madeleines are really quite good.
By the way, you were ill, right?
- Ill?
- Psychologically.
- My wife told you that?
- Yes.
She could've gone on for hours, worse than a woman in love.
She says you pointed a gun at her one night.
It wasn't loaded.
And she was the one who dared me.
Dared you to do what?
She said I didn't have the guts to shoot.
It was her gun, I don't have one.
This is all very confusing.
You told Miss Volant the gun was loaded.
Yes, it made for a better story.
You like telling stories?
With different versions.
Your wife mentioned that.
She knows you quite well, in the end.
- How sweet of you to drop by!
- Abstract art with a knife now?
Indeed!
I do what I like now.
- Coffee?
- I didn't come for coffee!
In any case, it's atrocious.
- But have a seat anyway.
- Where?
Seems you've got a girlfriend.
Patrick told me, he keeps calling me.
Where is he?
No news since you chucked him in the river.
But he wasn't your biggest fan.
- Where is he?
- Let go of me!
You are mad!
Marcello!
Come see who's here.
Come say hello to my husband.
- Ciao, Robert.
- Hello, Marcel.
He left Vichy and his bird drawings to come see us.
I'm being accused of killing a man.
- Everything'll work out.
- Not likely.
- You should drop the girl.
- It's not about her!
They said I killed Patrick Soulage.
You know, the guy who's always calling here.
He came over, right?
You'll be late for your meeting, unless you don't care...
Sorry, Robert, but I really must be going.
Bye, sweetie.
Coming?
I think he's scared of you.
You think?
- And are you scared of me?
- Obviously, because I know you!
You're a real nuisance!
And a voyeur now!
Is she nuts too?
What else did he tell you?
Sure you didn't hold his head underwater till he drowned?
- I'm sure you know where he is.
- Don't be silly!
You like watching me squirm.
You're very sexy when you're desperate!
Just fess up and quit the games!
Marcello'll be gone for at least an hour.
I can't wait for him, extend my apologies!
We have plenty of time.
Don't tell me that Vichy girl fucks better me.
I'm leaving.
- You're still here.
- No, I'm leaving!
You sicko!
Nutjob!
- Mr. Soulage.
- He's upstairs.
Oh, it's you.
Where's the cash?
- Now quit hounding Véronique.
- She's doing the hounding!
And this is just a loan.
Don't push your luck.
I've "disappeared," I can't write checks.
- Just reappear, then.
- This is my business!
Right or wrong.
You love Véronique, I love Juliette.
I'd do anything to get her back.
This may not be the right way.
Too late now!
If you're not out by tomorrow, I'm informing the police.
Suit yourself!
Go now if you feel like it.
- I oughta slug you!
- You're too rusty!
Hey, Mr. UNESCO!
Here's a tip.
Véronique's a real bitch!
I know.
But I'm returning to Paris, sir.
I never said otherwise!
Though I'm perfectly happy with your work,
I won't force you to stay.
But you have to wait till things are cleared up.
Have a seat.
- Recognize this handwriting?
- No.
"Forestier has cast an evil and morbid spell
"over Juliette Volant, an extremely naïve girl,
"even breaking up her engagement.
"A company as important and respectable as yours
"shouldn't keep him in its employ."
It was typed and sent from Paris.
Soulage obviously wrote that.
He must be hiding out in Paris.
I'm sure the cops could find him if they tried.
Plus that letter is beyond idiotic.
I never tried to cast any spell over Miss Volant, or over anyone else for that matter.
What can I say?
It was really delicious!
Bravo!
Really amazing!
And stop worrying!
Everything will be cleared up.
"The night is long that never finds the day."
"Macbeth"!
Act IV.
Robert!
What a surprise...
Evening, Juliette.
My friends, the Tessiers.
Robert Forestier, Françoise and Patrick Tessier.
Nice to meet you, Patrick.
Sir...
I'll call you, dear.
I haven't heard from you in a week.
I didn't think you wanted to.
Want to come in?
All your friends are named Patrick!
The other one sent an anonymous letter to my boss.
- They found him?
- No, he's still in hiding.
What an idiot!
I had time to knit you a sweater.
Wow!
I didn't know you could make birds with wool.
It's magnificent.
I'll hurry and finish the second sleeve so you can wear this next winter.
It won't be long now.
It's sweet of you to make me winter clothes.
Your friends were looking at me very strangely.
During dinner, they said you were the prowler, that you killed Patrick, that you were cold-blooded.
They've got some nerve!
They don't even know me.
What'd you tell them?
Nothing.
After all, you were the prowler.
Sleeping well these days?
No, not really.
I have more sleeping pills.
No, thanks, I still have some.
I came to see how you were.
Why?
I just felt like it.
To see how you were making out.
I'd best be going, no?
Yes, you're right.
Really think I pushed Patrick into the river?
I think we should stop seeing each other for good.
Am I disturbing you?
No, of course not.
I thought you might be in bed.
No, I was knitting.
You reek of whisky!
- Want some?
- No.
You never used to drink.
Knitting that for the new guy?
Why'd you come over?
Because I saw Robert's car on the road.
Yes, he did drop by.
You sent him packing, I hope.
The way he behaved toward you!
He pretended he loved you, killed your boyfriend, then dumped you.
You should tell the police what you know.
I know nothing.
I'm scared, that's all.
Of death, as usual.
You're thinking of death because of him.
You said so yourself.
Feeling anxious?
Sorry, Suzie, but I'd like you to go.
I'd like to be alone tonight.
Anything you want, dear.
I'll come see you tomorrow morning, OK?
Yes, tomorrow morning.
Sleep tight.
See you in the morning.
"Dear Robert, I really love you,
"differently from before, but much more deeply.
"Now I understand you, I understand everything.
"I hadn't realized until now that you represented death,
"for me anyway.
"I believe it's fate.
"I don't know if I'm happy or sad,
"but I do know I must die before this night is over."
Hello?
- Listen, Robert...
- Marcello?
First promise you won't tell the police or anyone else that I called you.
I want to remain anonymous...
Shit!
You have my word, Marcello.
Here's the thing,
I know where Patrick Soulage is hiding out.
Vichy Police Department, yes?
No, the captain's in bed at this hour!
I have an urgent message for him.
I know where Patrick Soulage is.
At the Alsace Hotel in Paris.
How'd you find out?
A friend called me.
- What's his name?
- He asked me not to say.
How can we check otherwise?
I just can't!
I gave him my word.
- Does he know Soulage?
- Of course! 
He's not mistaken.
Yeah but, it's still the same problem.
I'll inform the captain as soon as possible.
Yeah, that would help us out.
And you too.
Fine, sir.
Good night.
What's up?
Something fishy's going on.
Juliette?
It'll all be over soon.
My wife's lover from UNESCO knows where Patrick is hiding.
- But I can't give his name.
- Do it anyway!
He insisted. 
Besides...
Here comes my salvation.
A friend of hers found the body.
I'll fill you in on the way there.
"Now I understand you, I understand everything.
"I hadn't realized until now that you represented death,
"for me anyway."
You think I'm to blame?
- No, she does.
- Is that a joke?
Death, a "joke"?
She said I represented death, but how can a living being represent death?
When did you last see her?
- Last night.
- How was she?
She didn't want to see me anymore.
She thought I'd killed Patrick.
That's how you can represent death.
Patrick's hiding out in Paris!
Didn't you get my message?
Yes, we're checking up on that.
Only thing is, it doesn't change the fact that you pushed her to suicide.
I never pushed anyone to suicide.
Friends of Miss Volant's stated that you met her by prowling around her house.
So?
You told me the opposite.
She took everything I said or didn't say literally.
I was never able to get a handle on her.
She had very deep thoughts, but I didn't want to think around her.
That's what drew me to her.
With her, I didn't want to think about anything.
- But you slept with her?
- Not even.
You should have!
I'm coming undone...
I heard about what happened through a mutual friend.
I'm really sorry.
Poor dear, I'm sure it came as a big shock to you!
I wanted to know if you felt at all guilty.
Stop persecuting him!
Maybe you should take a sleeping pill, but not the whole bottle like your girlfriend.
I specifically asked for the captain.
I doubt he'd want us to wake him!
There should be a bullet mark.
But there's nothing.
Nothing.
And the broken window?
It could be a rock...
- Then you'd find a rock!
- True enough!
Where'd they shoot?
There, I was sitting by the phone.
I want to see the captain!
The captain won't say any different.
- Were you drinking this evening?
- Milk!
I couldn't sleep.
Have an apple next time.
May I?
Look!
There it is.
You're very pigheaded, Mr. Forestier!
Yes.
Speaking of my head, it could've been blown to bits.
Take a look at this.
Patrick's body was fished out this morning.
- His "body"!
- It could be.
Same build.
But this body's been soaking 10 days in a river.
Lucky for you, there were crawfish.
If we had proof it was him, we'd lock you up.
We're looking for Soulage's dentist.
We identify bodies through their teeth.
This is absurd.
Still, Miss Volant surely killed herself because she thought you'd killed Soulage.
She was mistaken.
I was shot at, and that's a fact!
True, but if Soulage is dead, he can't be the shooter.
Lots of people agree with your late girlfriend.
That makes for a lot of potential killers.
How so?
Because they're scared of you.
Why pursue me so doggedly?
What?
You've got some nerve!
You've been here a year and I have a dead boyfriend and a girlfriend who killed herself!
It wasn't my fault, and she wasn't my girlfriend!
She was influenced by people's actions.
- What people?
- Friends of hers.
Or people like you.
And while you investigate, here's what'll happen.
- I'll get shot.
- It'll prove your innocence.
Soulage shot at me last night.
That body can't be his.
Were you in love with the girl who killed herself?
No, I just liked observing her.
Too bad they saw you prowling around the house.
Why?
One has the right to look at people, no?
Yes, naturally.
I'm cold.
- Shall we go?
- Sure.
- See you in the morning?
- No, I'm really not up to it.
- Phoned in sick?
- I'll do it in the morning.
What're you doing here?
Hungry?
I might have a little something.
How about this?
Now be on your way.
Scoot!
Police?
Robert Forestier here.
There's been another murder attempt.
Our dog!
That's our dog!
He killed our dog!
You're in luck, it missed the bone.
Where's the captain?
- Don't move!
- I want to see him now!
You stole our dog!
It wandered over.
I just gave it sugar.
Why'd you want to see it dead?
- I didn't kill it!
- He's lost lots of blood.
- What about our dog's blood?
- Paper said he killed a man too!
And now our poor innocent dog!
- Go on, beat it!
- There you are!
Go on!
Don't like needles?
How do you feel?
Dazed.
Thanks for coming.
They called me at work.
If you're scared of being alone, you could come stay with us for a while.
That's nice of you, but I think I'll leave here.
We'll see.
The police may not let you.
You seem to be doing better.
Can he be alone tonight?
The captain and I decided it'd be best if he stayed with me tonight.
We can play checkers.
My late wife and I used to play.
I prefer chess, but she found it too hard.
Yet chess is so complicated, you give up trying to master it.
While with checkers...
- Checkers?
- You can master it.
It's hard, but possible.
You know about my situation?
Yes.
The captain told me about Patrick's disappearance and your girlfriend's suicide.
Said you might even be a menace.
- Do you believe I am?
- Not at checkers, at any rate.
You have to take it.
Indeed.
- Looks like you're going to win.
- It's without merit.
And even if you did away with your rival, even if you were vile enough to push a girl to suicide, it doesn't change a thing for me.
For three years now, since the woman I loved ceased to be, life and death are interchangeable and hold just as much interest, or lack thereof.
You should go to bed now, you need the rest.
Yes, you're right.
- Can I grab a smoke?
- Sure, take the pack.
Good night, Doctor.
Thanks for your kindness.
Not kindness, simple vanity.
Good night.
Forestier!
Don't take it so hard, at least you're still alive.
- Where'd you put him?
- In a cell.
Go fetch him.
Bastard!
- How's the doctor?
- In a coma, fractured skull.
They're not optimistic.
Who is, these days?
Have a seat, I'll remain standing.
Or I'll fall asleep!
You're being a pain even at night now!
What happened this time?
I heard a gunshot and found the doctor at the foot of the stairs.
He "fell" down the stairs!
You heard: fractured skull.
Soulage fired that shot!
He must've followed us somehow.
The man is out of his mind!
- But you think he's dead!
- No, that was a dead end.
Soulage's dentist says your pal has great teeth, but the drowned man's were bad.
But don't jump for joy.
It still doesn't prove that Soulage is alive.
I'm sure you'll understand I can't let you leave here.
- You're arresting me?
- There's a good chance.
If only so I can get a good night's rest.
Do what you think's best.
You're an odd customer.
I'm... desperate.
The parameters of existence often elude us.
I'll be right back.
You can go home after all.
- Do you mind?
- What's up?
Nothing for you to worry about.
That's right, I have another "customer."
Not glad to see me, huh?
But I have faith in our justice system!
You nearly killed me!
You destroy everything in your path!
I spit in your face, you evil bastard!
Bastard!
Young man?
This way, please.
Tell me, Soulage, why'd you come out of hiding?
I couldn't take seeing that bastard free anymore.
How about if we have some coffee?
I admit I was the one who attacked him.
But he had it coming!
But he got the upper hand and tried to kill me.
Since he tried to kill me, I pretended he really had.
- So you planned the whole thing?
- Not "planned" it.
I can't explain it.
I was in a kind of trance.
I believe you still are.
You don't think he's a bastard?
Then you hid in a Paris hotel?
Yes, with Mrs. Forestier's help.
And she gave me money.
The ex-Mrs. 
Forestier.
I spoke to her.
She says the money was a loan, on the condition that your returned to Vichy and reported to the police station.
She's lying!
She even slept with me. 
Twice!
She says you're a little thug.
The gall! 
She came on to me, didn't even wear panties!
Relax!
Coffee?
Because of you, a man is in critical condition.
- Dr. Lardy.
- Don't know him.
Know what you could get if he dies?
I didn't shoot at him!
You shoot willy-nilly!
And what's more, it's illegal to shoot at people.
So I'm locking you up, that'll cool you off.
I didn't do anything wrong, Dad!
Your mother sent this.
These chocolates are for my son, officer.
Don't bail on me, Dad.
I didn't come here to bail on you.
What'll do you?
What got into you?
I can't keep anything down.
I've always been a disappointment to you.
- School...
- This isn't about school!
Must be horrible for a man of your office to see me here?
I could do without.
You know the judge, you gotta vouch for me!
Yes, I know him!
He's the one who called me.
I just want a temporary release.
To prove that Forestier is behind all this.
That man is the devil!
He killed the woman I love, now he wants me in prison!
- But the gunshots!
- Try to understand.
I couldn't let him get away with it!
I felt so guilty for not doing anything.
And he'd tried to kill me!
Why not go to the police instead of disappearing?
Your mother is beside herself!
But I was so miserable, I just couldn't think straight!
Poor boy!
I hope this'll teach you a lesson.
I got a temporary release!
- When?
- This morning!
My dad's friends with the judge.
Piece of cake.
You lied to the police!
- So did you!
- Why go see them?
Are you nuts?
I know, it was stupid.
I panicked.
You didn't need to tell them anything.
- Marcello has flown the coop.
- Doesn't surprise me.
- What a chicken!
- I forbid you to judge him!
- With all his money...
- What can I do about it?
Something very specific:
Go to the Vichy police station and retract what you said about me!
I don't want my name in the papers!
No way! 
I won't go.
I don't like threatening people, but you had better go.
I just told the truth!
I spent two days in jail!
I never wanna set foot there again!
Let me fill you in, Patrick.
The vengeance of a woman is hell to bear!
Trying to scare me?
I don't have the strength to go back anyway.
Then write them.
First, the date.
"Captain,
"I lied
"when I said I'd slept
"with Mrs. Forestier in Paris.
"The money she lent me...
"Lent," not "lend."
"...was meant
"to pay for my return to Vichy."
Now sign.
OK.
We should celebrate.
If the doc dies,
I'll be charged for it.
Think it's possible?
Not if you die first!
Kidding, kidding!
I don't know what's happening to me.
All this is making my head spin.
And it won't stop.
Four bottles left of Marcello's champagne.
You played a dirty trick on me.
How could I know he'd split?
Between Robert and Marcello, I see you like them a bit...
- A bit what?
- I can't put my finger on it.
Don't you have any whisky?
"Indecisive," maybe.
Yeah, kinda soft.
But you're not?
No.
Neither am I.
Know what I'd like?
For us to go to Vichy together.
Just the two of us.
To pay Robert a visit.
Settle this once and for all.
Wouldn't that be fun?
Surprise!
Hello, pal!
Wait, I wanna talk to him.
You dirty asshole!
It's been quite a while.
I wanted to see how you were doing.
Isn't it stupid, Forestier?
You're out of your mind!
You made him out to be a loser.
- This is fun!
- Enough, OK!
- He just loves dishes!
- Here, catch!
You're wasting your time!
They're not my dishes!
Telephone!
Hey, Forestier, you shithead!
Take that!
Hello?
Yes, I'll put him on.
Robert, it's a woman.
Thanks for calling.
Bad news?
The doctor died.
He's dead.
Drop the knife, I hate cheap brawls.
I want a fair fight.
You're lying!
- He's not dead!
- Call the hospital.
It's you I'm gonna kill.
Enough, now!
Let go of that knife!
My God!
Do something!
Jacques?
Call a doctor and send him over, quick.
Quick!
Don't touch it!
Don't touch it.
Translation: 
Edouard Blinn Épilogue

Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
Felicia... .. where are you?
I'm in here, Milo.
Oh!
Oh, where's your wife tonight?
The old ball-and-chain is out playing a couple of hands of pinochle.
Here you are, darlin'.
Oh, Milo, darling.
Put it on.
- But there's nothing in it.
- I know!
Put it on.
When you come back, you'll be the hotel guest who just stepped out of the shower and I'll be the naughty little bellboy.
Ooh!
OK.
Bye.
Oh! 
Dang satin sheets!
Oh!
That's cute.
Ooh!
Milo, I'm...
Oh!
Ooh.
Oh, yuck.
Hey, Inspector, Detective.
Enough salutations, Mayjoy.
What happened?
The dead guy is Milo Tieup, a big-time toy tycoon.
Comes home from a hard day of work and this remote-controlled tank rolls in and blows him away.
Boooshh!
You're telling me he was shot with a toy tank?
- How depressing.
- Death always is.
I'm depressed they didn't have these toys when I was a kid.
It's funny, it was made by his own toy company.
Who is she, Mayjoy?
Name's Felicia Gilmore.
Claims they were "alone together", then she came in and found him dead.
- Well built, eh, Inspector?
- Yeah, look at that turret.
Sledge, he's talking about that woman over there.
- I knew that.
- Let's question her.
Ms Gilmore, I'm Detective Doreau, this is Inspector Hammer.
What was your relationship with the deceased?
Oh, I was, er... his, um... how should I say? 
Milo and I were, er...
- I was his...
- Mistress.
Is it that obvious?
It is from these snapshots, sister.
OK, How long were you Tieup's illicit love slave?
Sledge, don't be judgemental.
I got no time for immorality, Doreau.
She was living in sin with a married man.
No, he didn't live here,
- he just paid the rent.
- It's still disgusting.
What can you tell us about Tieup?
He was a simple multi-millionaire and the only thing he loved more than his toys was me.
- Cos you didn't run on batteries?
- Sledge, please.
Would you try and be more sensitive?
OK, OK. 
All right, tramp, why'd you kill him?
- I didn't do it. 
Why would I kill Milo?
- It beats me.
- You tell me, then I'll know.
- Milo took care of me.
He was a great catch and the only problem was he had a wife.
Yeah, and he wouldn't get rid of her, so you got him to bring you a toy tank and you killed him with it.
A perfect crime of passion.
What on earth are you talking about?
- That's not it?
- No.
- Was any of it even close?
- No.
- There was a tank?
- Yes.
Sledge, there's a doggie door here that that tank would fit through,
Look at these tracks on the carpet.
You know, I think that tank came from outside.
These dang, degenerate satin sheets!
How come you're not the inspector?
I don't know.
So, did this big toy maggot have any enemies, other than his wife?
Enemies, no.
He was a gentle man who through his toys brought joy and laughter to millions.
In other words, everybody hated him.
I think there's more to this case.
Let's fill in Trunk, then question Mrs Tieup.
I think you're right. 
Let's go.
And, you, don't leave town.
Who's gonna pay for it?
I'm just the ex-mistress of a very influential man?
What am I gonna do now?
Do what every woman in your position does.
- What's that?
- Pose for Playboy.
Take care.
Oh.
Forgot I still had one of those left.
Rest assured, Mrs Tieup, we have two of our best officers on the case.
Guess what, Captain?
Milo Tieup, the toy tycoon, was just offed by one of his own toys in his mistress's bedroom.
Not right now, Hammer.
This won't take long, sir, it's pretty cut-and-dried.
You see, Tieup was keeping this woman, a real adult toy, and I have pictures. 
Look at this.
This is disgusting.
This is even more disgusting.
This is not so much disgusting as surprising.
And this is unnecessary.
He didn't have to take that picture.
- Sledge!
- I'm almost done here.
Now, the way I figure it, the reason the old man kept this floozy was because his wife was a real bow-wow,
I mean, a doggie.
Hammer.
You know, sir, the kinda whining, kinda mousy type.
Anyway, so she finds out about the bimbo and kaboom,
- she blows up the husband.
- I did not kill my husband!
Good for you, lady.
Who's she?
Hammer, this is Mrs Inez Tieup, Milo Tieup's wife.
Good work, Captain.
You're under arrest, lady.
Get your hands off me, you thug!
What?
Mrs Tieup, I apologise for Sledge Hammer's callous and crude behaviour and also for your husband's indiscretions.
It's all right, Captain. 
I'm relieved.
- I thought Milo just didn't like sex.
- He didn't, with her.
Mrs Tieup, were you aware of his philandering?
No, but I should've been suspicious when he said he was adopting a 28-year-old girl.
- God, how I hated that man.
- Why didn't you divorce him?
That tightwad made me sign a prenuptial agreement -
I would've gotten zip.
All the more reason to kill him.
With him dead, you'd get everything.
You know, I never thought of that.
Oh, I could just kick myself!
- Where were you last night?
- Ah, be careful!
I couldn't miss my appointment - they charge you regardless.
Uh... 
Very nice.
Mrs Tieup, you claim you didn't kill your husband.
Do you have any idea who might want to?
It would take you hours to interview all the suspects.
He treated everyone poorly.
The other day I heard him having a huge fight with Harold Bell, his chief inventor.
We should go talk to Harold Bell.
Right, get on it.
Ah, now, listen,
I didn't mean to suggest Harold could do such a thing.
We'll decide that.
You know something, lady?
Your husband is a lucky man.
- He's dead!
- That's what I mean.
Hammer... get moving - now!
Yes, sir. 
Right away, Mr Bell.
OK, Mr Bell will see you now.
If you'll just wear these.
Hey, I don't need no stinking badges.
- Where's Mr Bell's office?
- Building G, Room 1218, but we provide you transportation.
Here it is, Sledge.
Mr Bell?
Quiet, please, I'm working.
I'm afraid this Bell is a ding-dong.
OK, I'm sorry.
I'm designing a new line of unisex household appliances that work for boys as well as girls.
Look at this, Doreau, a toy toaster.
Oh, that's a real toaster!
I live here.
Oh, wait a minute...
Would you like a glass of fresh carrot juice?
Ah, no, thank you. 
We're here to ask you some questions.
Oh, OK.
I wanna show you something else.
Here she is.
Watch this.
Come on, baby.
It's a Crying Tammy doll.
She's born again for Christmas.
Come on, Bell, I'm tired of being toyed with.
Let's cut to the chase.
Milo Tieup has been murdered.
Oh?
Yeah.
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
And you interrupted my work to tell me that?
Mr Bell, did you design this tank?
Of course, yeah.
I design everything for Tieup Toys. 
Why?
Cos this tiny toy tank took Tieup's...
What's another "T" word?
.. 
Tife!
True, I designed it, but it doesn't have any capability to kill.
If I thought it did,
I would've used it on Mr Tieup long ago.
So you admit you hated Tieup?
Sure I do. 
Yeah, I did, sure.
I detested working for him - he was always so cheap.
He never gave me the credit I deserved.
I'm the genius behind this whole company, not him.
So why didn't you just be a man and quit?
I tried to.
I got this fantastic offer from the Goldfunger Company but slimy old Mr Tieup wouldn't let me out of my contract, but I still wouldn't have kill him.
Where were you last night, Mr Bell?
I was right here. 
Yeah. 
Yeah, I was here designing these gag toys for Halloween.
See? 
Trick or treat?
Hey!
That's pretty good. 
Hey, watch out, whoa!
Oh!
How many times do I have to tell you, I live here?
Listen, paI, he who lives by the toy, dies by the toy.
Goodbye.
Well, Sledge, we've got three suspects, three motives and three flimsy alibis.
What do we do now?
Walk back.
Hello.
'Sorry, sweetie,
I won't be able to see you tonight. '
Oh, why not?
'Because, you'll be dead. '
When you get those back from the police lab, send them to me at the precinct.
I'm not a cop photographer, I'm her neighbour.
- I always wanted a shot of her.
- You sick, sick sicko!
What a way to die.
She got what she deserved, Doreau.
Inez Tieup got her revenge by torpedoing that trollop.
- Here's the murder weapon.
- Sledge, turn it over, see if Tieup's name is underneath.
Yup. 
There's Milo Tieup's smiling mug.
I think we should have another chat with Harold Bell before we talk to Inez Tieup.
I think you're right. 
Let's go.
Mm.
Oh, Detectives, hi.
I... 
I didn't expect...
What're you...
I was about to have a bite to eat.
Yeah, well, bite on this.
Does the name Felicia Gilmore ring a bell... 
Bell?
Felicia Gilmore?
Yeah.
Felicia?
Felicia? 
Felicia GiI.. 
Felicia... 
Gilmore!
No, I've never heard that name before.
Wha-wha-what... 
Why do you ask?
She was sunk by one of your toy submarines.
This is really turning out to be an awful day.
Well, I mean, look,
I'd have to be pretty stupid to modify two of my own designs.
You know, I'd be the first one you'd suspect.
I didn't, she did.
Though he's got a point.
OK, Harold, you can look, but you can't touch.
You'll wrinkle the silk.
It's not what you think.
Then why are you wearing a little black thing?
- I'm in mourning.
- Oh, brother!
Really.
I just... came over to congratulate Harold.
The board has made him the new chairman.
Couldn't she have just left a little extra in his pay cheque?
You're not fooling anyone, Mrs Tieup.
You're the board, you made your lover chairman.
Who?
Bell, Sledge.
Be... 
Your morals stink out loud.
How dare you say that to the woman I love!
Love? 
I need a barf bag.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Now that you know about us, I can tell you the truth.
Inez and I were together last night when Mr Tieup was murdered.
She didn't let me try anything - she's a real tease... .. but we were together.
I guess they got their alibi, Sledge.
Yeah, and he's right.
He'd have to be an idiot to kill two people with toys he designed, either that or a civil libertarian.
Why would he wanna kill Felicia?
Looks like we're outta suspects.
I hate that! 
We're also starting to sound like Murder, She Wrote.
Someone else has to be involved here.
I think Felicia's the key.
I think you're right. 
Let's go.
All right, you two love buckets are off the hook, but do me a favour - don't breed!
Don't pay any attention, darling.
So cruel.
Well, nothing here but the stench of a tawdry love affair.
- Whatever happened to morality, Doreau?
- I don't know.
- By the way, I'm proud of you.
- Why?
For breaking into the apartment without a search warrant.
You're gonna make a good cop yet.
- Gee, thanks, Sledge.
- Look at this.
I guess if you're on the force long enough, you see all kinds of gruesome things.
It's lingerie, Sledge.
Didn't your wife ever wear sexy things for you?
Well, I must admit, one time she put on my bulletproof vest.
Now, that turned me on like nobody's business.
You know, Sledge, I find it odd that those were the only clothes she owned.
She was a kept woman.
These are uniforms, Doreau.
Look at this! "I love you forever, Claude Goldfunger. "
You thinking what I'm thinking?
I'm thinking of invading Afghanistan by myself.
What're you thinking?
Harold Bell mentioned Goldfunger.
He's Tieup's competitor.
If anyone would want to make those toys lethal, it'd be him.
I think you're right. 
Let's go.
Yep, this is it. 
Mr Goldfunger?
I thought you said this clown was expecting us.
I was expecting you!
So, tell me, what brings you to my magic kingdom, hm?
I think this guy's spring is wound too tight.
We're detectives.
Oh. 
You're probably here about the murder of Milo Tieup.
- What do you know about it?
- Everything. 
I did it.
I punished Felicia too.
Punished? 
What are you talking about, you weirdo?
Felicia was a bad girl.
I thought she was my girlfriend, then I found out she was Milo Tieup's girlfriend too.
So that's why you killed her.
Of course not, dumbbell.
She was double-dealing us.
She gave Tieup the plans to my top secret project.
That was her fatal boo-boo, so I had to kill them both.
A little extreme, don't you think?
Hey, the toy business isn't kids' stuff.
Well, I'm taking you in.
You oughta know women can't keep secrets.
I'm not going anywhere, but you are.
Can you believe this? 
He's holding us off with a toy gun!
This is my top secret project.
It will revolutionise the world of toys.
A child's toy gun that's real.
Ah!
He's gone!
There's an escape hatch.
He's somewhere in the factory.
Let's go.
Did you see that? 
A toy gun that shoots real bullets. 
Want a pet?
Sledge?
You think the Defense Department knows about this guy?
If they did, the world would be a safe place.
You go that way.
Goodbye, Inspector.
Rabbits to the kill!
You see, Doreau, you give them all the toys in the world and they wind up playing in a cardboard box.
Doreau, it is unbelievable that a successful businessman like Claude Goldfunger could be so maniacal.
Well, apparently, toys were his life and toys got him life.
Look what Harold Bell just sent me.
A Sledge Hammer doll.
You see the similarity?
It's cute. 
Can I see it?
OK, but give it back.
It's really offensive.
The guy did an accurate job.
I guess they haven't got all the bugs out of it yet.
- It malfunctioned.
- No, it didn't.
Can I see?

THE MAN WHO PLANTED TREES
Many years ago I set out on a walking tour... high in the Alps, a region quite unknown to travellers where ancient mountains thrust down into Provence.
The trek began on barren moors, twelve or thirteen hundred metres above sea level, through land that was bleak and monotonous.
Nothing grew there but wild lavender.
My route led across the region at its widest point... and, after hiking for three days, I found myself in a wasteland desolate beyond description.
I made camp near the remains of an abandoned village.
The day before my water supply had run out, and I had to find some.
The cluster of houses, although they were in ruin, reminding me of an old wasps' nest, made me think that once there must have been a fountain or perhaps a well.
There was indeed a fountain, but it was dry.
The roofless houses, eaten away by wind and rain, and the chapel with its crumbling belfry, stood arranged like houses and churches in a living village, but here life had vanished.
It was a sunny cloudless June day, but over these bare highlands blew a fierce insufferable wind.
Growling through the skeletons of the houses, it sounded like a wild beast disturbed while feeding on its prey.
I had to move carefully.
After five hours of walking
I still had found no water and I could see nothing that gave me hope of finding any.
Everywhere I came upon the same drought, the same coarse weed.
In the distance something caught my eye, a thin dark shape that I took for a tree stump.
But just in case I walked towards it.
It was a shepherd and beside him, resting on the burning ground, lay about thirty sheep.
He let me drink from his gourd and presently, he led me to his sheep hold in a hollow in the plain.
He drew water, -excellent water it was too- from the very deep natural well over which he had rigged a simple windlass.
The man spoke very little.
Often the way with people who live alone, but he appeared sure of himself, and confident in his assurance.
It all seemed somehow strange in this barren land.
He lived, not in a hut, but in a real house, a stone house whose walls clearly showed how his own labour had repaired the ruin it had once been.
Its roof was solid and strong and the wind on its tiles sounded like the sea upon the seashore.
Inside it was neat and tidy, dishes washed, floor swept, shotgun oiled;
his soup simmered over the fire.
And I noticed that he was freshly shaved and all his buttons were firmly sewed on, that his clothes were donned with that meticulous care which makes a mend invisible.
He shared his soup with me.
When I offered him my tobacco pouch, he told me he did not smoke.
The dog, silent like his master, was friendly without fawning.
It had been agreed that I would spend the night;
the nearest village was still almost two days walk away.
Villages in this region were few and far between and I knew well what they were like.
Four or five of them were scattered over the slopes of these highlands, each one at the very end of a cart track, among copses of white oaks.
They were inhabited by charcoal burners.
The living was poor and families, huddled together in a climate very harsh both in summer and winter, found their struggle for survival made more bitter by their isolation.
There was no relief.
The constant longing to escape became a crazy ambition.
Endlessly the men carted their charcoal to town, then returned home.
Even the most stable characters cracked under the constant grind.
The women seized with resentment.
There was rivalry in everything, the sale of charcoal and the church pew, there were rivals in virtue and rivals in vice and the battle royal between vice and virtue raged incessantly.
And always there was the wind, the ever present wind constantly grating on the nerves.
There were epidemics of suicide and many cases of madness, nearly always ending in murder.
The shepherd, who did not smoke, went to fetch a little sack and onto the table he emptied a pile of acorns.
He began to examine them very carefully, one by one, separating the good from the bad.
I sat smoking my pipe.
I offered to help but he told me it was his work.
And indeed, seeing how very carefully he carried out his task, I did not insist.
That was the only time we spoke.
When he had set aside enough acorns he divided them into piles of ten.
As he did this he discarded the smaller ones or those that were cracked, for now he was examining them very very closely.
When finally there lay before him a hundred perfect acorns he stopped and we went to our beds.
Being with this man brought a great sense of peace.
The following morning I asked him if I might stay on and rest for the day.
He found that quite natural
- or, to be more precise, he gave me the impression that nothing could upset him.
The day of rest was not absolutely necessary, but I was intrigued and I wanted to learn more about him.
He led his sheep out of the pen and led them to their grazing.
Before he went, he took the little bag of carefully chosen acorns and put them into a pail of water to soak.
I noticed that for a walking staff he carried an iron rod as thick as my thumb and about as high as my shoulder.
Pretending to take a leisurely stroll,
I followed him at a distance but keeping on a parallel path with him.
The pasture for his sheep was down in a dell.
Leaving his dog in charge of his little flock he began to climb towards me where I was standing.
I feared he was coming to reproach me, not at all:
it happened to be on his way, and he invited me to go with him if I had nothing better to do.
He was going a little farther on to the top of the hill.
When we reached his destination he began to drive his iron staff into the ground.
He made a hole, dropped in an acorn and filled in the hole.
He was planting oak trees.
I asked him if he owned the land.
He said no.
Did he know who owned it?
He did not.
He thought it was common land, parish property, or perhaps it belonged to people who did not care about it.
That did not concern him.
So with infinite care he planted his hundred acorns.
After the midday meal he began to sort out more of his acorns.
I suppose I must have been quite insistent with my questions, because he answered me.
For three years he had been planting trees in that desolate country.
He had planted one hundred thousand.
Of the hundred thousand, twenty thousand had come up.
Of these he still expected to lose half, either to rodents or to any of the unpredictable things which only Providence can account for.
That left ten thousand oaks to grow on this tract of land where before there was nothing.
It was then that I wondered about the man's age.
He was clearly more than fifty.
Fifty-five, he told me.
His name was Elzéard Bouffier.
He had owned a farm down in the lowlands.
It has been his life.
He had lost his only son, then his wife and had withdrawn into this solitude where he was content to live quietly with his lambs and his dog.
It was his opinion that the land was dying from lack of trees.
He added that, having nothing very important to do himself, he had resolved to remedy this state of affairs.
I was young and only thought of the future as it affected me and my search for happiness.
So I told him that in thirty years those ten thousand oaks would be magnificent.
He answered quite simply that if God granted him life, in thirty years he would have planted so many more that these ten thousand would be like a drop of water in the sea.
Already, he was studying the growth of beech trees and had a nursery full of seedlings grown from beech nuts.
They were quite beautiful.
He was also thinking of birches for the dales where, he told me, there was moisture just below the surface of the soil.
The next day we parted.
The following year came the First World War, which I was engaged for five years.
An infantryman was hardly likely to have trees on his mind.
After demobilisation,
I found myself the possessor of a small gratuity and a great desire to breathe pure air.
This was my only thought when I set off once more on the road to the barren lands.
The country had not changed.
However, in the distance beyond the deserted village
I noticed a sort of greyish mist that lay on the hill tops like a carpet.
The shepherd, who planted trees, had been in my mind since the day before.
"Ten thousand oak trees," I thought to myself,
"really need a lot of space."
I had seen so many people die in those five years that it was easy to imagine that Elzéard Bouffier too was dead especially since, at twenty, we think of men of fifty as ancient with nothing left to do but die.
He was not dead.
He had changed his occupation.
He had only four sheep left, but now he had over a hundred hives of bees.
He had given up sheep because they threatened his young trees.
The war had not disturbed him and he had calmly continued his planting.
The oaks of 1910 were now ten years old and taller than either of us.
It was such an impressive sight, I was struck down and, as he never said a word, we spent the whole day in silence walking through his forest.
It was in three sections and measured eleven kilometres long and three kilometres at its widest.
When I reminded myself that all this was the work of the hands and soul of one man with no mechanical help, it seemed to me that man could be as effective as God in tasks other than destruction.
He had followed his dream, and beech trees as high as my shoulder, stretching as far as the eye could see, were witnessed to it.
The oaks were strong and past being at the mercy of rodents.
As for Providence, she would have needed a cyclone to destroy this creation of man.
He showed me handsome growths of five-year-old birches planted in 1915 - the year I was fighting at the Battle of Verdun.
He had set them out in all the hollows where he guessed
-and rightly- there was moisture near the surface.
They were like young children, tender yet firm and confident.
And creation it seemed had just followed in a natural sequence.
He hadn't worried about it;
resolutely he had gone about his simple task.
On the way down through the village
I saw streams flowing with water which in living memory had always been dry.
This was truly the most impressive effect of creation's natural cycle that I'd ever seen.
Long ago these brooks had been full of water.
Among the miserable villages I mentioned before, some were built on sites of ancient Roman villages;
and archaeologists, digging in the ruins, had found fish hooks whereas, in the twentieth century, cisterns were needed to ensure even a modest supply of water.
The wind had scattered seeds too.
And as the water reappeared, so did willow trees, reeds, meadows, gardens, flowers, and a reason for living.
But the change had come about so gradually and that it was simply taken for granted.
Of course hunters, who climbed these heights in search of hares and wild boar, had noticed the sudden appearance of little trees, but had put it down to some caprice of nature.
That is why no one had meddled with the work of the shepherd.
Had they suspected that it was man's work they would have interfered?
But who would even think of him?
Who in the villages or among the authorities could ever have imagined such constant magnificent generosity?
Each year from 1920 on I paid a visit to Elzéard Bouffier.
I never saw him lose heart nor was he ever deterred.
And often 
-God knows- it must have seemed that heaven itself was against him.
I never tried to imagine his frustrations, but to achieve such an end he must have had to overcome many obstacles, for such passion to succeed he must surely have fought and conquered despair.
We must remember that this exceptional man had worked in utter solitude:
solitude so complete that, towards the end of his life, he had lost the habit of speech.
Or perhaps he saw no need for it.
In 1933 he was visited by an astonished forester who notified him of an order that lighting fires outdoors was forbidden for fear of endangering this natural forest.
It was the first time, the forester told him naively, that he had ever seen a forest grow of its own accord.
In 1935 a whole delegation from the authorities arrived to look at the "natural forest".
There was a high ranking official from the forester department, an elected member of parliament, technical experts
and there was a great deal of talk.
It was decided that something must be done, fortunately, nobody did anything except for the one good thing:
the forest was placed under government protection, and charcoal burning was prohibited.
For it was really quite impossible not to be enchanted by the beauty of these young healthy trees, and they had even managed to cast their spell over the member of parliament.
One of the senior foresters in the delegation was a friend of mine and I explained the mystery to him.
The following week we both set out to find Elzéard Bouffier.
He was hard at work, about twenty kilometres from where the official inspection had taken place.
I was right about my friend the forester.
He was able to appreciate all he saw.
I offered him the eggs I had brought as a present.
We all shared our lunch and spent several hours in silent contemplation of the landscape.
The slopes we had climbed on our way up were covered with tall trees four times our own height.
I remembered how it had looked in 1913:
desolate...
But quiet and regular work, brisk mountain air, the simple life and, above all piece of mind had endowed this old man with almost awe-inspiring health.
He was one of God's athletes.
I wondered how many more hectares he would cover with trees.
Before we took our leave, my friend made one small suggestion about the kinds of trees which seemed to suit the soil here.
He did not press the point.
"For the simple reason," he told me afterwards,
"that this man knows more about it than I do."
The idea must have been turning over in his mind for, after we had walked for an hour, he added,
"He knows more about it than anyone else in the world.
He's found a perfect way to be happy!"
Thanks to this forester not only the forest but the happiness of Elzéard Bouffier were protected.
The only serious danger to his work occurred during the Second World War.
Cars being powered by wood burning generators, there was never enough wood.
So cutting was begun among the oaks of 1910, but they were so far from transportation routes that the whole enterprise proved financially unsound.
It was abandoned.
The shepherd knew nothing of all this.
He was thirty kilometers away, quietly going about his business, ignoring the war of '39 just as he had ignored it in 1914.
I saw Elzéard Bouffier for the last time in June 1945.
He was then eighty-seven.
Again I had set out on the road to those barren moors;
but now, in spite of the dislocation left behind by the war, there was a bus which ran from the Durance Valley up into the mountains.
I decided it must be because of this relatively speedy means of transport that I could not recognize the places where my walks used to lead me.
It took the name of a village to reassure me that I really was in that region that had once been desolate and abandoned.
The bus dropped me at Vergons.
In 1913 this hamlet of no more than a dozen houses had three inhabitants.
Wild creatures who hated each other, who set snares to make a living.
They were people without heart.
Now everything was different.
Even the air itself.
Instead of the harsh dry winds of the past, there was a gentle breeze full of fragrance.
From the mountain tops came a sound like rushing water:
it was the wind rustling through the forest.
And then even more astonishing,
I heard another sound of water.
I saw that they had built a fountain that was splashing merrily and beside it -what I found most touching- someone had planted a linden tree, a perfect symbol of rebirth.
Moreover, Vergons showed signs of the kind of labour that only hope can inspire.
So hope had been restored.
Ruins had been cleared and crumbling walls torn down.
The new houses, freshly roughcast, stood in kitchen gardens where flowers and vegetables grew in orderly confusion, roses and cabbages, snapdragons and leeks, celery and anemones.
It had become a place where one would want to live.
From this point I continued on foot.
The war had not been over long enough for life to reach full bloom, but Lazarus had emerged from the tomb.
On the lower slopes of the mountain
I could see small fields of young barley and rye, and down in the narrow valleys the meadows were green.
It has taken only eight years since then for the whole countryside to glow with health and prosperity.
Where I had seen ruins in 1913 there now stand clean freshly plastered farm houses, evidence of happy comfortable lives.
Dry springs, fed by snows and rains now conserved by the forest, have begun to flow again.
In the maple groves, each farm has its fountain brimming over onto carpets of fresh mint.
Bit by bit the villages have been rebuilt.
People have come to settle from down in the plains, where land is expensive.
They have brought youth, life, and the spirit of adventure.
On the roads one meet people glowing with health, and boys and girls laughing as they enjoy their rustic pleasure.
Counting those who lived here before, quite changed by their lives in this gentle surroundings and including the newcomers, more than ten thousand people owe their happiness to Elzéard Bouffier.
When I think that one man, one body, and one spirit was enough to turn a desert into the land of Canaan,
I found after all that a man's destiny can be truly wonderful.
But when I consider the passionate determination and the unfailing generosity of spirit that took to achieve this end,
I am filled with admiration for this old unlearned peasant who was able to complete a task worthy of God.
Elzéard Bouffier died peacefully in Banon in 1947.
subtitles: t-becks tanbecks@yahoo.co.uk

Moi, je planterai des coquelicots !
Pour toi Shelley ;)
Many years ago
I went on a long hike through hills absolutely unknown to tourists in that very old region where the Alps penetrate into Provence.
At the time I undertook my long walk through this deserted region, it consisted of barren and monotonous lands, at about 1200 to 1300 meters above sea level.
Nothing grew there except wild lavender.
I was crossing this country at its widest part, and after walking for three days,
I found myself in the most complete desolation.
I was camped next to the skeleton of an abandoned village.
Since yesterday I didn't have any water left and I had to find more.
These houses, ruins huddled together and looking like an old wasps' nests, made me think that there must at one time have been a spring or a well there.
There was indeed a spring, but it was dry.
The five or six roofless houses, ravaged by sun and wind, and the small chapel with its tumble-down belfry, were arrayed like the houses and chapels of living villages, but all life had disappeared.
It was a beautiful June day with plenty of sun, but on these shelterless lands, high up in the sky, the wind whistled with an unendurable brutality.
Its growling in the carcasses of the houses was like that of a wild beast disturbed during its meal.
I had to move my camp.
After five hours of walking further,
I still hadn't found water, and nothing gave me hope of finding any.
Everywhere there was the same dryness, the same stiff, woody plants.
I thought I saw in the distance a small black silhouette.
I thought it was the trunk of a lonely tree
On a chance I headed towards it.
It was a shepherd.
Thirty lambs or so were resting near him on the scorching ground.
He gave me a drink from his gourd.
A little later he led me to his shepherd's cottage, tucked down in an undulation of the plateau.
He drew his water - excellent - from a natural hole, very deep, above which he had installed a rudimentary windlass.
This man spoke little.
This is common among those who live alone, but he seemed sure of himself and confident in this assurance.
This was remarkable in this land shorn of everything.
He lived not in a cabin but in a real house of stone, from the looks of which it was clear that his own labor had restored the ruins he had found on his arrival.
His roof was solid and water-tight.
The wind struck against the roof tiles with the sound of the sea crashing on the beach.
His household was in order, his floor swept, his rifle greased;showed how his own labour his soup boiled over the fire.
I noticed then that he was also freshly shaven, that all his buttons were solidly sewn, that his clothes were mended with such care as to make the patches invisible.
He shared his soup with me.
When afterwards I offered him my tobacco pouch, he told me that he didn't smoke.
His dog, as silent as he, was friendly without being fawning.
It had been agreed immediately that I would pass the night there;
the next village was still more than a day and a half farther on.
I understood perfectly well the character of the rare villages of that region.
There are 4 or 5 of them dispersed far from one another on the flanks of the hills, in groves of white oaks at the very ends of roads passable by carriage.
They are inhabited by woodcutters who make charcoal.
They are places where the living is poor.
The families, pressed together in close quarters by a climate that is exceedingly harsh, in summer as well as in winter, struggle ever more selfishly against each other.
Irrational contention grows beyond all bounds, fueled by a continuous struggle to escape from that place.
The men carry their charcoal to the cities, and then return.
The most solid qualities crack under this perpetual Scottish shower
The women stir up bitterness.
There is competition over everything, from the sale of charcoal to the benches at church,
The virtues fight amongst themselves, the vices fight amongst themselves, and there is a ceaseless general combat between the vices and the virtues.
On top of all that, the equally ceaseless wind irritates the nerves.
There are epidemics of suicides and numerous cases of insanity, almost always murderous.
The shepherd, who didn't smoke, took out a small bag and poured a pile of acorns out onto the table.
He began to examine them one after another attentively, separating the good from the bad.
I smoked my pipe. 
I offered to help him.
He told me it was his business.
Indeed, seeing the care that he devoted to this job, I did not insist.
This was our whole conversation.
When the pile of good acorns was big enough, he made packets of ten.
Meanwhile he eliminated the smaller ones or slightly cracked ones, examining them very closely.
When he had before him one hundred perfect acorns he stopped, and we went to bed.
The company of this man brought me a feeling of peace.
I asked him the next morning if I might stay and rest the whole day with him.
He found that perfectly natural, or more exactly, he gave me the impression that nothing could disturb him.
This rest was not absolutely necessary to me, but I was intrigued and I wanted to find out more.
He let out his flock and took them to the pasture.
Before leaving, he soaked in water the little sack containing the acorns so carefully chosen and counted.
I noted that he carried as a sort of walking stick an iron rod as thick as his thumb and about 1.50m long.
I set off like someone out for a stroll, following a route parallel to his.
His sheep pasture lay at the bottom of a small valley.
He left his flock in the charge of his dog and climbed up towards the spot where I was standing.
I was afraid that he was coming to reproach me for my indiscretion, but not at all :
it was his own route and he invited me to come along with him if I had nothing better to do.
He continued on another two hundred meters up the hill.
Having arrived at the place he had been heading for, he begin to pound his iron rod into the ground.
This made a hole in which he placed an acorn, whereupon he covered the hole again.
He was planting oak trees.
I asked him if the land belonged to him. 
He answered no.
Did he know whose land it was? 
He did not know.
He supposed that it was communal land, or perhaps it belonged to people who did not care about it?
He himself did not care to know who the owners were.
In this way he planted his one hundred acorns with great care.
After the noon meal, he began once more to pick over his acorns.
I must have put enough insistence into my questions, because he answered them.
For three years now he had been planting trees in this deserted area.
He had planted 100,000. 
Of these, 20,000 had come up.
He counted on losing another half of them to rodents and to everything else that is unpredictable in the designs of Providence.
That left ten thousand oaks that would grow in this place where before there was nothing.
It was at this moment that I began to wonder about his age.
He was clearly more than fifty. 
Fifty-five, he told me.
His name was Elzéard Bouffier.
He had owned a farm in the plains.
He had lived most of his life there. 
He had lost his only son, and then his wife.
He had retired into this solitude, where he took pleasure in living slowly, with his flock of sheep and his dog.
He had concluded that this country was dying for lack of trees.
He added that, having nothing more important to do, he had resolved to remedy the situation.
My youth forced me to imagine the future in my own terms, including a certain pursuit of happiness.
I told him that in 30 years, his 10,000 oak trees would be magnificent to behold.
He replied very simply that, if God gave him life, in 30 years he would have planted so many others that these 10,000 would be like a drop of water in the ocean.
He was already studying the propagation of beeches. and he had near his house a nursery filled with seedlings.
His little wards, that he had protected from his sheep, were growing beautifully.
He was also considering birches for the valley bottoms where, he told me, moisture lay slumbering just a few meters beneath the surface of the soil.
We parted the next day.
The next year the first world war broke out, in which I was engaged for five years.
An infantryman could hardly think about trees.
With the war behind me, I found myself with a small demobilization bonus but with a great desire to breathe a little pure air.
Without any preconceived notion beyond that, I struck out again along the trail through that deserted country.
The land had not changed.
Nonetheless, beyond that dead village I perceived in the distance a sort of gray fog that covered the hills like a carpet.
Ever since the day before I had been thinking about the shepherd who planted trees.
"Ten thousand oaks, I had said to myself, must really take up a lot of space."
I had seen too many people die during those 5 years not to be able to imagine easily the death of Elzéard Bouffier, especially since a twenty-year-old thinks that fifty-year-olds are old codgers for whom nothing remains but to die.
He was not dead. 
He had changed profession.
He only had four sheep now, but to make up for this he had about a hundred beehives.
He had gotten rid of the sheep because they threatened his crop of trees.
The war had not disturbed him at all.
He had continued imperturbably with his planting.
The oaks of 1910 were now ten years old and were taller than me and him.
The spectacle was impressive. 
I was literally speechless and, as he didn't speak himself, we passed the whole day in silence, walking through his forest.
It was in three sections, eleven kilometers long overall and, at its widest point, three kilometers wide.
Considering that this had all sprung from the hands and the soul of this one man - without technical aids - it becomes clear that men could be as effective as God in domains other than destruction.
He had followed his idea, and the beeches everywhere, reaching up to my shoulders, bore witness to it.
The oaks were growing densely and had passed the age where they were at the mercy of rodents;
as for the designs of Providence, to destroy the work that had been created, would henceforth require a cyclone.
He showed me admirable stands of birches that dated from five years ago, that is to say from 1915, when I had been fighting at Verdun.
He had planted them in the valley bottoms, where he had correctly suspected that there was water close to the surface.
They were as tender as young girls, and very determined.
This creation had the air, moreover, of working by a chain reaction.
He had not troubled about it; he went on obstinately with his simple task.
But, in going back down to the village, I saw water running in streams which, within living memory, had always been dry.
It was the most striking revival that he had shown me.
These streams had borne water before, in ancient days.
Certain ones of the sad villages that I spoke of at the beginning of my account had been built on the sites of ancient Gallo-Roman villages, of which there still remained traces; archeologists digging there had found fishhooks in places where in more recent times cisterns were required in order to have a little water.
The wind had also been at work, dispersing certain seeds. 
As the water re-appeared, so too did willows, osiers, meadows, gardens, flowers, and a certain way of living.
But the transformation had taken place so slowly that it was taken for granted, without provoking surprise.
The hunters who climbed the hills in search of hares or wild boars had noticed the spreading of the little trees, but they set it down to the natural spitefulness of the earth.
That is why no one had touched the work of this man.
If they had suspected him, they would have tried to thwart him. 
But he never came under suspicion.
What villager or administrator could have imaged that anyone could show such obstinacy in being so magnificently generous?
Since 1920 I never let more than a year go by without paying a visit to Elzéard Bouffier.
I never saw him waver or doubt.
Yet God knows if God's own hand is in a thing!
I've said nothing of his disappointments, but you can easily imagine that, for such an accomplishment, he had to conquer adversity; that, to assure the victory of such a passion, he had to fight against despair.
To get a true idea of this exceptional character, one must not forget that he worked in total solitude;
so total that, toward the end of his life, he lost the habit of talking.
Or maybe he just didn't see the need for it.
In 1933 he received the visit of an astonished forest ranger.
This functionary ordered him to cease building fires outdoors, for fear of endangering this natural forest.
It was the first time, this naive man told him, that a forest had been observed to grow up entirely on its own.
In 1935, a veritable administrative delegation went to examine this " natural forest ".
There was a bigwig from Waters and Forests, a deputy, some technicians.
Many useless words were spoken. 
It was decided to do something but luckily nothing was done, except the only useful thing : placing the forest under the protection of the State I was struck down and forbidding anyone from coming there to make charcoal.
For it was impossible not to be taken with the beauty of these young trees in full health.
And the forest exercised its seductive powers even on the deputy himself.
I had a friend among the chief foresters who were with the delegation. 
I explained the mystery to him.
One day the next week, we went off together to look for Elzéard Bouffier.
We found him hard at work, 20km away from the place where the inspection had taken place.
This chief forester was not my friend for nothing.
He understood the value of things.
I offered up some eggs I had brought with me as a gift.
We split our snack three ways, and then passed several hours in mute contemplation of the landscape.
The hillside whence we had come was covered with trees six or seven meters high.
I remembered the look of the place in 1913 : a desert...
The peaceful and steady labor, the vibrant highland air, his frugality, and above all, the serenity of his soul had given the old man a kind of solemn good health.
He was an athlete of God.
I asked myself how many hectares he had yet to cover with trees.
Before leaving, my friend made a simple suggestion concerning certain species of trees to which the terrain seemed to be particularly well suited.
He was not insistent. 
He told me later " Because this fellow knows more about this than I do. "
After another hour of walking, this thought having travelled along with him, he added :
" He knows a lot more about this than anybody - and he has found a great way of being happy !"
It was thanks to this chief forester that the forest was protected, and with it, the happiness of this man.
The forest did not run any grave risks except during the war of 1939.
Then automobiles were being run on wood alcohol, and there was never enough wood.
They began to cut some of the oaks of 1910, but the trees stood so far from any useful road that the enterprise was a bad investment.
It was abandoned.
The shepherd never knew anything about it. 
He was 30km away, peacefully continuing his task, as untroubled by the second world war as he had been by the first.
I saw Elzéard Bouffier for the last time in June of 1945.
He was then 87 years old. 
I had once more set off along my trail through the wilderness, only to find that now, in spite of the shambles in which the war had left the whole country, there was a motor coach running between the valley of the Durance and the mountains.
I set down to this relatively rapid means of transportation the fact that I no longer recognized the landmarks I knew from my earlier visits.
The name of a village assured me that I was indeed passing through that same region, once so ruined and desolate.
The coach set me down at Vergons.
In 1913, this hamlet of ten or twelve houses had had three inhabitants.
They were savages, hating each other, and earning their living by trapping :
Their situation in life was hopeless.
Everything had changed.
Even the air itself.
In place of the dry, brutal gusts that had greeted me long ago, there was a gentle breeze, full of sweet odors.
A sound like that of running water came from the heights above : 
It was the sound of the wind in the trees.
And most astonishing of all, I heard the sound of real water running into a pool.
I saw that they had built a fountain, that it was full of water, and what touched me most, that next to it they had planted a lime-tree, an incontestable symbol of resurrection.
Furthermore, Vergons showed the signs of labors for which hope is a requirement.
Hope had therefore returned. 
They had cleared out the ruins, knocked down the broken walls.
The new houses, freshly plastered, were surrounded by gardens that bore, mixed but orderly, vegetables and flowers, cabbages and rosebushes, leeks and gueules-de-loup, celery and anemones.
It was now a place where anyone would be glad to live.
From there I continued on foot.
The war from which we had just barely emerged had not permitted life to vanish completely, and now Lazarus was out of his tomb. 
On the lower flanks of the mountains,
I saw small fields of barley and rye; in narrow valleys meadowlands were just turning green.
It had taken only eight years for the whole country to blossom with splendor and ease.
On the site of the ruins I had seen in 1913, there are now well-kept farms, the sign of a happy and comfortable life.
The old springs, fed by the rain and snow that the forests retain, have once again begun to flow.
Beside each farm, amid groves of maples, the pools of fountains are bordered by carpets of fresh mint.
Little by little, the villages have been rebuilt. 
Yuppies have come from the plains, where land is expensive, they had settled here, bringing with them youth, movement, and a spirit of adventure.
Walking along the roads you will meet men and women in full health, boys and girls who know how to laugh, and who have regained the taste for the traditional rustic festivals.
Counting both the previous inhabitants of the area, now unrecognizable from living in plenty, and the new arrivals, more than ten thousand persons owe their happiness to Elzéard Bouffier.
When I consider that a single man, relying only on his own simple physical and moral resources, was able to transform a desert into this land of Canaan, I find that despite everything, the human condition is truly admirable.
But when I take into account the constancy, the greatness of soul, and the selfless dedication necessary to bring about this transformation, I am filled with an immense respect for this old, uncultured peasant who knew how to bring about a work worthy of God.
Elzéard Bouffier died peacefully in 1947 at the hospice in Banon.
Voilà...
Tu resteras toujours ma petite shelley :)
forever...
Un jour, on aura notre champ de coquelicots devant Moustet, et derrière, une petite forêt, jusqu'au rocher...
Je t'aime... subtitles: 
Christophe - 26 mars 2011 cp@canaxis.org

Thank you.
Hall.
Come here, please.
- Sir?
- Come on.
Have a good send-off?
Yes, sir. 
Thank you, sir.
Mr. Abrahams gave me a picture -
The Light of the World.
The fellas have given me a set of Guatemalas.
Up to two dollars!
The ones with the parrot and the pillar on.
Look, sir.
Oh, splendid, splendid.
And, um, what did Mr. Abrahams say to you?
Told you you were a miserable sinner, I hope.
Mr. Abrahams said I'm never to do anything...
I'd be ashamed to do in front of my mother.
He said my next school... will be more like the world.
Did he? 
Did he?
What's the world like, do you suppose?
Don't know, sir. 
I'm a boy.
Do you, um, have any older brothers, Hall?
No, sir. 
Only Kitty and Ada.
They're my sisters, sir.
No uncles?
No, sir.
There's Dr. Barry.
He knew my father before he died.
So you don't really know a- a great many grown-up fellows.
No, not really, sir.
Mother keeps a coachman... and George for the garden.
But of course, you mean gentlemen.
Hall, I'm going to talk to you for a few moments... as if I were your father.
It isn't anything your mother could say.
Do you 
- Do you see?
Your body... is about to experience various changes.
Physical changes.
Now, Mr. Abrahams has explained to you that in the beginning...
"...
God created he man and woman... that the earth should be peopled abundantly."
Yes, sir. 
Sir... what changes?
I speak, Hall... of the sacred mystery of sex - the act of procreation... between a man and his wife.
The
- The procreation indeed... of all creeping things.
You will discover... that your membrum virilis- 
- That's Latin from vir.
- Vir, sir. 
It means man, sir.
Very good. 
Very good.
Um, uh, look.
Uh, this might be easier if I -
That. 
That 
-That, um - That thing.
There. 
Now, that will... develop and grow larger.
You see?
And when that happens... the man lies very, very close to his wife... and he puts his membrum virilis... into her vagina... thus.
Then, in due course, she will bring forth his child.
Seminiferous tubules... labia major and minor, ducts... vulva.
That
- That is the very crown oflife, Hall.
God's wondrous purpose.
Your body is his temple.
You must never, ever pollute that temple.
And when, as one day I 
- I'm sure you will... you fall in love and marry, you will discover... to serve and protect a woman... and have children by her... is life's chiefest glory.
Yes, sir.
You must never, ever mention any of this to your mother... or- or- or indeed to any lady.
And if at your next school the fellows mention it... just shut them up.
Tell them you know.
I think I shan't marry.
What?
Look, um, in 10 years to the day...
I invite you and your wife to dine with me and my wife as our guests.
- What do you say?
- Oh, sir.
Yes. 
It's a bargain then, is it?
Oh, God. 
Those infernal designs.
Sir, won't they be all right?
The tide will have covered them by now.
Oh, yes, the rising tide.
I only hope to God he's right... by God.
Come, Victoria. 
Come.
Wagner's utter rubbish.
Fat women with horns on their heads... singing at the tops of their voices... about how happy they are to be dying.
It's a horrible noise. 
And it's unhealthy.
But music is about death. 
It always has been.
I think he's trying to provoke us.
Go on then, Risley. 
Enlighten us.
A superior mind wouldn't need enlightening.
Music is the highest of the arts.
It needs no reference to the figurative... or the corporeal.
It is therefore, of all the arts, the closest to death.
Wagner's by no means unhealthy.
He's merely expressing most exactly the state of things.
Help yourselves to potatoes, Hall.
Don't stand on ceremony.
I can't stand music.
Or concert halls.
I don't go in for being superior.
- Don't you? 
I do.
- Come along, Chapman. 
You're in need of food.
I expect Lord Risley isn't.
I've put him off with my low talk.
I simply can't think of a reply to that.
What about saying nothing?
Say nothing? 
Horrible.
He must be mad.
What you do is more important than what you say.
Your deeds are more important than your words.
What is the difference?
Words are deeds.
Are you trying to say that these few minutes talking... in the dean's rooms have done nothing for you?
Will you, for instance, ever forget that you've met me?
You're confusing what is important... with what is impressive.
Chapman and Hall will always remember they've met you. 
Of that I have no doubt.
Exactly. 
Because of my conversation.
Oh, they'll forget that they were engaged in the act of eating a cutlet.
At least the cutlet does some good to them.
You do not.
I mean, Dean, that a cutlet merely influences their subconscious life.
I, by my words, shape the consciousness.
I am therefore not only more impressive than the cutlet... but infinitely more important.
Your dean here dwells in superstitious clouds of Christian self-righteousness.
Your dean pretends that only insensate faith is of any significance.
And daily he droops, soporific, into his soup.
Oh, Risley, shut up.
Come on.
I think if a man has ideas like that... he should have the courtesy to keep them to himself.
No, no, no.
On the contrary, one must talk, talk, talk.
It's only by talking that we shall caper upon the summit.
Otherwise the mountains will overshadow us.
I'm sure, Hall, you will agree.
Wait.
I'm eager to hear more of your interesting ideas... about words and deeds.
My rooms are in Trinity.
And I have a dining club whose members would... if I'm not mistaken, interest you.
No need to bring your chum.
Oh, well -
You're not going, are you?
Salutations, Risley.
You've bargained for more than you've gained.
Risley-
You've, uh 
-You've bargained for more than you've gained.
- Salutations.
- Look.
- Come in.
- Hello?
- You're Durham, aren't you?
- Yes.
I was looking for Risley.
You don't know where he is?
He's debating at the Union.
I was just stealing his "pathetic" symphony.
I'm reading a paper on Tchaikovsky, but I cannot find the third movement.
If it's here at all, which I don't think it is.
Fetherstonhaugh's got a Pianola.
I know.
His rooms are directly above mine.
Oh, well, I'll come back with you then.
You're living in college now?
- Beginning my second year.
- I'm third.
I have seen you, though.
Hall, isn't it?
If Risley's not coming, perhaps I'd better get back.
I didn't know you knew Risley.
He's a dangerous man.
A little of him certainly goes a very long way.
- You like this music?
- I'm afraid I do, yes.
Sweet water from a foul well, as they say.
A good waltz is more my style.
Hmm. 
Mine too, really.
- Thank you. 
Good night.
- Good night, sir.
Hall.
- Oh! 
Got your third movement.
- I thought I'd come along with you instead.
- Give me some of those to carry.
- It's all right. 
I think I've got them.
- Good night.
- Good night, sir.
Give.
Mortarboard.
This bit's supposed to be mad.
Hall.
You 
-You should be at this end.
You should get as far away from the machine as you can.
Play it again.
If Fetherstonhaugh doesn't mind, that is.
No, you can't play it again.
It's a 
- It's a movement.
You have to get right to the end.
Fetherstonhaugh, I think I'm gonna eat one of your apples.
- Is this Sophocles?
- Mm.
Try reading it for the characters, rather than the author.
It's much more interesting.
Much too fast, Hall.
Slower. 
Slower.
There. 
Otherwise you'll tear it.
This bit isn't as jolly, really, is it?
No.
Appalling vac.
I nearly wrote to you about it.
My mother started flinging the cat about because I wouldn't go to Communion on Christmas Day.
I mean, I'm unorthodox.
I'm not a Christian.
It was imperative that I made a stand.
It's a difficult question.
Hall, come down to the buttery.
Oh, hello, Durham. 
Halliday's been given a case of hock for Christmas.
Reward for good behavior over the vac.
He's asked for us.
I'm sorry, Chapman.
Not now.
- We're fixing something.
- Oh. 
I see.
Sorry. 
Well, perhaps we'll see you later, then.
Have you known Chapman long?
Five years. 
Here and at school.
Give me a cigarette, would you?
I mean, you've got a mother and sisters.
All the way through that row I was thinking what you would have done.
My mother never makes a row about anything.
That's 'cause you've never done anything she wouldn't approve, I expect.
You never will.
I'm disgusted with mine.
I despise her character.
There. 
I've told you something no one else in the world knows.
- Won't tell.
- Tell me about your home life.
Nothing to say.
We just go on.
- Lucky devils.
- Rotten vac, eh?
Yes, it was. 
Rotten.
Misery and hell.
Ow! 
That really hurt. 
Ow!
- Misery and hell, eh?
- Hall, what are you -
No! 
No, Hall, no.
Please. 
I've got to go.
Don't be such a fool.
- I've got to go. 
I said I've got a lecture.
- Why don't you go late again?
Because I can't.
You think I don't think.
But I can tell you I do.
"Every human soul has...
"at some stage...
"beheld an excellent being.
"Otherwise, it would not have...
"entered... into the creature...
"we call man.
"When... the soul...
"gazes upon... the beauty...
"of that being-its beloved-
"it nu-is nurtured... and warmed... and is glad."
Fetherstonhaugh, continue, please.
"When the beloved has made him welcome...
"and begun to enjoy his... conversation and-"
- "Society." - "Society."
"When their intimacy is...
"established...
"and the loved one...
"has grown used...
"to being near his friend...
"And touching him in... the gymnasium and elsewhere-"
"The current which Zeus in love with Ganymede... called 'the stream of longing' -"
Omit the reference to the unspeakable vice of the Greeks.
Ah. 
Yes, sir.
"He
- He is experiencing a counterlove-
"a reflection of the love he inspires-
"and he thinks of it as friendship, not love.
"Though, like his lover...
"he feels a desire to see... to touch, to kiss him. "
"The unspeakable vice of the Greeks"?
The hypocrisy of the man.
He ought to lose his fellowship.
- Oh, come on!
- No, as a point of pure scholarship.
All the poor old dean can understand is the physical act.
- I'm not advocating that.
- Cold as a fish on a marble slab. 
See?
- Shut up, Risley.
I'm trying to make a serious point... which is that a masculine love of physical beauty and of moral beauty... and of the beauty of the thirst for human knowledge - you omit that and you've omitted the mainstay of Athenian society.
It's as if our benighted dean hadn't even read The Symposium.
- You read it, Hall?
- No, no, you missed the point.
You have to maintain some standards of decency.
No, you don't.
Not if they're propped up by tenth-hand opinion.
- Typical of you, I may say.
- Western civilization... happens to be run on the principles of Christ's doctrines, not Plato's bloody essences.
What exactly do you mean by Christ's doctrines?
They're open to all sorts of interpretations.
You know: 
The redemption, the Trinity.
# Three in one #
#And one in three #
# Ruler of the earth and sea #
# Hear us while #
Damn Christ's doctrines.
I can't prove them... but they mean a lot to millions of people, whatever you say.
# Holy Child and Son ##
# Thou shalt open my lips, O Lord #
- Hall.
- #And my mouth shall show thy praise #
# For thou desirest no sacrifice #
# Else would I #
# Give it #
# Thee #
# But thou delightest not #
# In burnt offerings ##
- That was enormously embarrassing.
- I did actually say 6:00.
You just made me walk out of chapel.
I just don't understand it.
- Your father always went to church.
- I can't help it, Mother.
I'm made that way.
There's no use arguing.
Durham.
I wonder if that's Alicia Durham's brother.
- Besides, I'm not my father.
- Morrie.
- What a thing to say.
- Well, he isn't. 
Really, Mother, come on.
Kitty, we are talking about things not suited... and you are perfectly wrong, besides.
Morrie is the image of his father.
Dr. Barry said so.
Dr. Barry doesn't go to church himself.
Dr. Barry is a most clever man, and so is Mrs. Barry.
Imagine Mrs. Barry being a man.
Have you been all right?
Have you?
No.
You wrote that you were.
- Hall.!
- Here!
We want tea! 
We need tea!
We demand tea! 
Hello, Durham.
A glorious match. 
We're absolute heroes.
- Peterhouse are abject.
- And wonderful wicketkeeping.
Don't you have any Darjeeling, Hall?
I don't like this Chinese bilge.
Marvelous match.
Best so far.
If it hadn't been for my two valiant catches in the slips -
Three wickets. 
Just dropping them into the rough spot. 
It was too easy.
Hall. 
Hall.
- Durham. 
Where did you get to?
- I know you read those books in the vac.
- How do you mean?
- You'll understand then. 
I don't have to explain.
- Understand what?
- That I love you.
Don't talk rubbish.
Durham?
Durham, come back!
Come on, old man.
Benedic, Domine, nobis... et his donis tuis quae de tua gratia... et munificentia sumus iam sumpturi.
Et concede ut illis salubriter... a te nutriti.
Tibi debitum obsequium praestare valeamus... per Christum Dominum nostrum.
Amen.
Perhaps you could get Hall here.
Clive, you're bloody hard.
You don't know what it is to have a mind in a mess. 
It makes you very hard.
Hall, don't be so stupid. 
You must know that to be alone with you hurts me.
- I only want to discuss - 
- No, please don't reopen it. 
It's over.
I'm in hell.
You'll get out.
It's only disgust.
You haven't done anything to be ashamed of.
You don't know what hell's really like.
I thought it was the worst crime in the calendar.
The one subject absolutely beyond the limit.
Look, you've been thoroughly decent from first to last.
So decent that I mistook your friendliness.
I thought it was... something else.
I'm sorry to have insulted you.
Durham, I love you...
in my very own way.
Rubbish! 
As you so rightly said.
Good night.
I do.
I think I have always.
Look.
It's like the good, blundering creature that you are to try to comfort me... but there are limits.
I'm thankful that it was into your hands I fell.
Most men would have reported me to the dean... or the police.
Damn you, Durham.
Maurice.
- I love you.
- I love you.
Hall.
- It's the dean.
- Lord!
- Don't you have a lecture?
- I overslept!
Hall! 
Stop when I speak to you!
Do you realize...
I -
I would have gone through life half-awake... if you'd had the decency to leave me alone?
Why me?
Perhaps we woke up each other.
- No.
- Can't you kiss me?
I think- I think it would bring us -
I think it would bring us down.
I think it would spoil everything.
This harmony.
Body... mind, soul.
I don't think women have even guessed.
But you know.
Why did you not stop when I called you?
Yesterday you cut chapel, four lectures... including my own translation class.
And, Hall, you've done this sort of thing before.
It's unnecessary to add impertinence, don't you think?
Very well.
I'm sending you down.
You will catch the 12:00.
Unless you write me a letter of apology, I shall not recommend... your readmission to college in October.
If it had been a girl in the sidecar, Cornwallis would never have kicked up a stink.
Everyone cuts lectures.
I've done nothing wrong.
- I refuse to say that I have.
- What'll you do?
Go into the stock market like Father did.
I don't need one of their rotten degrees.
You will come to Pendersleigh?
Good-bye!
Boo-hoo-hoo!
Not quite what you expected, eh?
Dr. Barry, not quite as anyone expected.
Still, these past few weeks, it's become apparent to me that... it's time a man was here to head this household again.
Well, it's all for the best.
What do you want with a degree?
They were never meant for the suburban classes.
I mean, you're not going to become a parson or a barrister or a pedagogue... and you're not a - you're not a country gentleman.
No, it's a sheer waste of time.
The city's your place.
Absolutely right to insult the dean.
If anything, I've been insulted by him.
Treated like a schoolboy.
You see, your mother doesn't understand how you feel.
She's worried because you don't apologize.
To my mind, these things work themselves out.
You see, you've got yourself into an atmosphere... for which you were not suited... and you very properly took the first chance to get out.
- How do you mean?
- Oh, still not clear?
I mean that a gentleman would have apologized by instinct... if he'd found that he'd behaved as you did.
- I think it's time I turned in.
- How dare you bully your mother, Maurice.
You ought to be horsewhipped.
Swaggering about instead of begging her to forgive you.
She comes to me with tears in her eyes and asks me to say something.
- But - 
- Don't answer me, sir. 
I want none of your speech.
- You're a disgrace to chivalry.
- Oh!
I'm disappointed and disgusted with you.
Oh, Morrie darling, we all looked forward so much to May Week.
Mother, do stop crying.
It'll only make him think he's important.
He'll write to the dean as soon as no one wants him to.
- Kitty, I won't.
- I don't see why you shouldn't.
Little girls don't see a great deal.
I see a great deal more than some little boys who think they're little men.
- Mrs. Sheepshanks.
- Oh, how very complimentary.
Thank you so much.
Skeggs. 
Olivia.
- Woolly, dear.
- I think everyone should curtsy, don't you?
I've had such an interesting talk with Mr. Hall.
- And isn't Clive handsome?
- Mother, this is Maurice Hall.
- Welcome to Pendersleigh, Mr. Hall.
- How do you do?
- Woolly.
- Yes, it's so lovely to see you.
No, leave those.
Come on.
Oh, by the way, if my mother or my sister... ask you to do this or that tomorrow, don't worry.
Say yes if you want, but you're actually going to ride with me, and they know it.
- It's just their ritual.
- But I haven't brought any riding breeches.
Ah. 
Well, I can't associate with you in that case.
Deep breath.
You must be Mr. Hall.
- I'm Pippa Durham, Clive's sister.
- Yes, he's -
May I introduce Mr. London?
Mr. Hall.
- How do you do? 
Archie London.
- How do you do?
I'm the lucky devil who's to marry her.
I'm commandeering troops for canvassing tomorrow. 
Tariff reform.
- Yes. 
Stop bullying, Pippa.
- Are you interested?
- Certainly. 
I'd be delighted.
- Good. 
There, Mama.
Mr. Hall is sound.
- Pippa, dear, does Mr. Hall know his room?
- The Blue Room, Mama.
The Blue Room?
Poor man.
The one with the smoking fireplace. 
Simcox.
- Where'd you come from?
- The old schoolroom, our study.
That's why you've been put to stay in this dog's misery.
Come.
It's as much like college as I could make it.
Look at the view, though.
There. 
You may shoot rabbits from this window.
Oh, it is jolly for me, coming here.
Well, this place will never seem the same again.
- I shall love it at last.
- Would there be anything else, sir?
No, thank you, Milly.
No, that's all.
We're up the staircase by ourselves.
We need never be in any other part of the house, apart from meals, that is.
I'll leave you to unpack.
See you down there.
I hope you can find enough to amuse yourself, Mr. Hall.
So we dressed and came down to find water lapping... at the foot of the staircase... and all the waiters wearing green leather waders.
Yes, it was.
Oh, yes, that's right.
This house is his.
Did he tell you?
- No, he didn't.
- Oh, it is.
Under my late husband's will.
I must move to the dower house as soon as he marries.
A fourth year at Cambridge would little profit a yokel like Clive.
He must take his place here in the countryside.
There's the game to consider.
There are the tenants.
There'll be his duties as a magistrate.
And unless there's a war... there's his political future.
He ought to spend the year traveling instead.
He must see America and, if possible, the colonies.
He speaks of traveling.
He wants me to go with him.
I trust you will, but not Greece, Mr. Hall.
That is traveling for pleasure.
Dissuade him from Greece.
I'd prefer America myself.
Naturally. 
Anyone sensible would.
Pippa says he writes verse.
Have you seen any?
Mr. Hall, is there someone?
Some... 
Newnham girl?
Pippa declares there is.
Pippa had better ask, then.
Did I hear my name, Mr. Hall?
Hyah!
Damn! 
Damn, it's locked.
The Goblin House.
My grandfather's grandfather built it.
I locked Pippa in here for a whole day once... when we were small.
Ashby's Ordinaries are up an eighth.
Three and seven-eighths, four and three-eighths.
What's Barclay Perkins doing?
Hmm. 
Debit one. 87.90.
Gas staged a recovery.
What about Alliance and Dublin?
Alliance and Dublin?
- Consumers' orders?
- That'll do.
Up two - 78.80.
Perhaps, dear Mrs. Hall, when Clive has finally completed... and, pray heaven, passed his bar examinations... would Ada not like to come down and stay with us here at Pendersleigh?
I do declare that our sons find amusement... in the friendship of our two families.
- But Ada is such an attractive and good-natured girl.
Although at present Clive appears to regard his Fridays to Mondays entirely sacrosanct...
I'm sure that he, too, could be enticed down.
I'm writing to Mrs. Hall.
- I thought Ada might like to stay.
- Ada?
Isn't that the girl whose grandfather is going to leave her a lot of money?
She'll make an excellent bride for my godson.
Really. 
Perhaps Clive doesn't want to marry yet.
Oh, would you be so good as to post this, uh - What's your name?
Scudder, ma'am.
We are already snug in our little house, Mrs. Durham... now that Maurice is living at home after so long away.
Each day, he eats a vast breakfast and then catches the 8:36.
He returns at 4:59 and lays down the law.
He has developed, under your son's influence... into far more of a personage than we had expected.
One hardly begrudges him the time he spends as Clive's guest in London.
Is Clive not fortunate... to have a London house now as well as beautiful Pendersleigh Park?
I do confess that I am looking forward to meeting their amusing London set... pictures of some of whom we see in the illustrated newspapers... here at dull Alfriston Gardens.
But I concentrated on the tips ofhis mustache.
Do you think I might have one of your cigarettes?
Do you not think that Maurice's mustache will be the making of him?
- No, it's revolting.
- Thank you, Clive.
Your cavalrymen, see, must have legs so straight... that they can hold a sixpence between their legs all the way up - ankles, calves, knees, thighs -
Not only a sixpence, is it, love?
For the price of your beer, no wonder.
- He'll never do it.
- Give the man his due.
One here.
I was a pure country lad...
- Here.
- Till I took the queen's shilling.
- One here.
- Now it seems I've turned out bad.
- The last sixpence there.
- Oh, he's always winning.
Poor twink.
Well, I suppose it's pints all around, gentlemen.
- Get him!
- Come on!
Come here, you!
Come along.
Would you give me my hat?
I'm told that if I plead guilty, the publicity can be kept to a minimum.
So what am I to do?
You must understand, if I were to give you a testimonial... it would make me a sitting duck to any prosecution.
Yes, I see that.
I realize it might compromise your position to be seen to be associated with me.
Quite understand that.
- Good night, Clive.
- Good night.
- Maurice.
- Oh. 
Where on earth have you been?
Excuse me.
Thanks.
Where have you been?
You all right?
- Clive?
- Yes, thank you, Maurice. 
I'm fine.
Please, don't nanny me.
The defendant is a man ofbreeding... who, rather than setting an example... has regrettably attempted the corruption ofhis social inferior.
He is a man of considerable learning... who has taken advantage of the gullibility... and the baser passions ofhis intellectual inferior.
Lord Risley, your guilt has been unquestionably proven before this court.
As you are no doubt aware...
I am empowered to sentence you to imprisonment with flogging.
However... in view of the promising career in politics... which has been terminated by your disgrace... and in view of the position in society which you have forfeited...
I am inclined to leniency... in sentencing you... to six months'imprisonment with hard labor.
Silence.!
I am satisfied that you will pay for this for the rest of your life.
Take him down.
All rise.
A wit. 
A... poet.
- Breeding.
- Breeding. 
And now... legal legislator.
- Legal legislator.
- Clive Durham, barrister-at-art.
To Clive Durham, our honored friend.
Barrister-at-law.
- Mr. Durham.
- To the most marvelous evening.
Come on, Clive. 
On your feet. 
Clive.!
To the Durhams of Pendersleigh Park.
Oh, I say. 
I'm gonna faint.
- Mr. Durham!
- Morrie, quickly.
Clive.
Get a pillow.
Kitty, a pillow.
Ada, brandy.
- Mother.
- What is it?
- Fan him.
- Oh, Morrie, what is it?
Oh, fan, fan, fan. 
Fan him.
It's all right. 
Silly to - 
- Oh.
- Uh, all right. 
I'm all right.
Uh, I'm all -
Certainly not.
Maurice is going to carry you.
Oh. 
Oh, dear.
Um, Mr. Durham.
Mr. Durham, try and put your arms around Morrie.
- Come along, old man. 
Up you come.
- That's it.
That's it, Morrie.
Come on.
Put your arm around me.
- Sorry.
- The doctor. 
Somebody telephone.
Sorry, Morrie.
I'm a fool.
Oh, do be careful, Morrie.
It's rather hot.
Mother, you needn't tell the others I kissed Durham.
He wouldn't like it.
No, of course not.
I was upset and - and did it without thinking.
As you know, we're great friends.
Relations almost.
Mother, the doctor's here.
Where shall I put the hot-water bottle?
You mustn't do this sort of thing.
You mustn't. 
It's filthy.
It doesn't worry me.
I don't say this just to please you.
You can carry on all night as far as I'm concerned.
Although the doctor's coming up.
He'll see me like this.
I hope he does.
Oh, hello, Jowitt.
Sorry to call you out so late.
I'm just curious, chap.
He, uh 
- He fainted at dinner... and he can't stop crying.
Been working hard?
Yes. 
And now he says he's going to Greece.
So he shall. 
You clear out now.
Told your sisters none of you were to come into this room.
- My sisters, yes. 
I'm looking after him.
- You equally.
Miss Kitty has telephoned to the institute for a nurse.
Why is everything done in such a damned hurry?
- I thought a nurse might amuse him.
- Can't we amuse him?
I can nurse him myself.
Oh, have you wheeling the baby next.
Beg your pardon?
I suppose I ought to have the nurse.
Right.
She can...
make you more comfortable than I can.
- Pendersleigh today?
- Yes.
Mother, he can hardly stand up.
What does Jowitt say?
- He seems to think he's well enough to leave.
- Keep him there.
I'll get the 1:40. 
Someone will have to talk sense to you people. 
Good-bye. 
What?
- Shall I send the car?
- No, I'll get a cab from the station.
- How much do I owe?
- Fourpence, governor.
Thank you.
Thank you very, very much for being so kind.
Well, I hope you get better soon.
We've enjoyed having him here, haven't we, Mother?
What are you playing at, Clive?
You're far too ill to travel.
I can't go on being such a bore to your family, Maurice.
- Don't be absurd.
- Such good friends.
As he says, relations almost.
Mother. 
Mother, get in.
- Good-bye, Mrs. Durham.
- Thank you so much.
Good-bye, Mrs. Durham.
Don't let your coachman bump about.
Bye-bye.
Good-bye.
Good-bye. 
And don't forget his embrocation.
And fuller's earth, remember.
I'll tell cook.
Terrible affair about Viscount Risley, sir.
And him a parliamentary private secretary, too.
I did read he was at Cambridge.
Like yourself, sir.
You will never mention that subject again, Simcox... while you remain in employment here.
I've become a barrister... so that I may enter public life.
But why should I enter public life? 
Who wants me?
Your mother says the country does.
I've talked to more people than my mother... and I tell you no one wants us... or anything really, except a comfortable home.
But to give people a comfortable home is what public life is for.
- Is or ought to be?
- Well, it's all the same.
- Well, "is"and "ought"are not the same.
- Quite right, Mrs. Hall.
You sound as if you have no use whatsoever for Greece, Mr. Hall.
It sounds out of repair.
A heap of old stones without any paint on.
We shall know what it is if you fall over this time, Mr. Durham.
Your health... and the health of all the ladies.
Maurice, come.
The ladies.
Oh. 
The ladies.
The ladies.
Dear Clive...
Still no word from you, so here is my news.
I am practicing a regimen of severe self-discipline.
Our Wednesdays and our weekends I spend in the darkest reaches of Bermondsey... with the dockers lads at the mission.
It's a far cry from our metropolitan pleasures.
I am supposed to be teaching them the gentle art ofboxing.
More often than not, I get the pummeling.
Preferable to the pummeling you gave me at the Wigmore Hall. 
Ha, ha.
Most of the other evenings I spend working through that reading list you once gave me.
Clive, I'm so worried at not hearing from you.
I get no sleep worrying... for fear that you've fallen ill again.
I've looked out your connections and would expect you back by Tuesday week.
Wire, if you can, on reaching Dover.
I don't have to tell you how much I miss you.
Mr. Durham.
Oh, Maurice is away tonight on business.
- Oh, no, where's he gone?
- Don't ask me.
We know even less about him than when you were last here, if you think that's possible.
He keeps everything so secret.
Mother, Ada, Mr. Durham is back from Greece.
What was Greece like?
Um, rather disappointing, I'm afraid.
It's not exactly what I'd expected it would be.
Why didn't you let us know?
There'll be nothing but pie.
- We would've given you a real English dinner.
- Don't worry. 
I can't stay.
No, Mr. Durham. 
You must stop the night.
We've missed you, haven't we, Ada, Kitty?
Maurice told us you'd be back last week.
He was so disappointed.
We can practice on you.
We've joined an ambulance class.
We need a victim to bandage up.
It was Dr. Barry's idea.
He says there's going to be a war soon.
You sound just like Maurice.
Your voices are wonderfully alike.
- It's 'cause I have a cold.
- No, you are alike. 
You do have the same voice.
And nose. 
By that, of course, I mean the mouth, too.
And also his good spirits and good health.
Kitty, on the other hand, has his brains.
- Ow! 
That really hurts.
- Ow, ow.
Yeah, well, it's my hair.
That's very good, Kitty.
Thank you.
These are excellent. 
I feel so much better.
- If you knew what it was to be in England.
- Is Greece not nice?
- Horrible.
- Maurice said you'd like Greece.
Maurice doesn't know.
I'm happy you're back.
Maurice is home.
Clive.
Come out of all that, Clive.
Why did you let them?
I say he looks well.
You look well.
Come and have a drink.
I'll unpick you.
No, girls, not you.
Why didn't you answer my letters?
Don't you love me anymore?
All that must be tomorrow.
Quite so.
Have a drink.
Maurice, I don't want a row.
I do. 
I want a row, and I'll have it.
Why didn't you write?
What secrets are you keeping from me?
I was trying to work things out, and I couldn't explain in a letter.
One oughtn't to have secrets...
or they get worse.
- One ought to talk.
- No, thank you.
Talk, talk, talk.
Provided one has someone to talk to.
As you and I have.
I've thought about this solidly for the last month and a half.
We've got to change, you and I.
Can the leopard change his spots?
Clive, you're in a muddle.
What is it you're afraid to tell me?
Surely we've got past sparing each other.
You can't trust anyone else.
You and I are outlaws.
All this will be taken away from us if people knew.
Precisely.
By continuing like this, you and I are risking everything we have.
Our careers, our- our families, our names.
Balls! 
I don't give a damn about name.
What sort of a life would I have without you?
I risk everything, and gladly, because the one thing I... dread losing is you.
You're the only happiness there is for me.
There are other ways to be happy, you know.
We could... explore those a little.
- Not for me.
- Maurice... think how easy life is for people who don't have to go through all this.
This... secrecy.
Never being able to talk about the person whom you're in love with to anybody.
Imagining the servants are thinking things.
And always being asked when you're gonna get married, and having every bloody girl... paraded in front of you 'cause your family's so desperate.
You want to get married, is that it?
You're in love with some girl? 
Who is it?
No one.
But don't you think it would be wonderful if there - if there was someone... who I could care about in the same way that I do about you?
- We love each other... and know it.
- For God's sake, Maurice... hold your tongue for a moment.
If I were in love with anyone now... then it would be with some nice girl.
- Like Ada.
- Ada?
- I take her at random as an example.
- You scarcely know Ada.
Don't be so stupid.
Try to understand.
We must change.
I like you enormously.
More 
- More than any man I've ever met.
Did you say something to Ada just before I came in?
Didn't you hear my car come up?
Why did Kitty and my mother come out and - and not you and Ada?
I really can't be cross-examined about your sister.
Why not?
- You must shut up and concentrate, Maurice.
- Ada.
- What for?
- Ada.
- Maurice, no. 
It mustn't end in a row.
- Ada, Ada.
- You can't drag in a woman. 
I won't have it.
- Give me the key!
Leave it!
Maurice, don't make it worse.
I didn't mean to.
- Did I hurt you?
- I'm all right.
What an ending.
What an ending!
Maurice?
What's gonna happen to me?
- I'm done for.
- Maurice?
- Clive, what's the matter?
- Ada.
Nothing. 
It's fine.
What's happened to your lip?
It's perfectly all right.
Just fooling about.
Maurice?
Don't be an ass.
Yes, he's - he's fine.
What's the matter with you?
- Nothing.
- Yes, there is. 
I can see it.
You can't take me in.
No, really, Maurice.
It's
- It's nothing.
Why-
What did he say?
- Nothing.
- Who said nothing?
Clive. 
He said nothing.
Clive, is it?
What is Mr. Durham to you?
Answer.
Do you want to know...
what he told me just now... when I accused him of... making love to you behind all our backs?
- What?
- When I hit him?
No, Maurice.
He said that you - He said you threw yourself at him.
- That you-you tried to corrupt him.
- No.
He complained that you- you made advances to him.
And that - that's why he wouldn't stay.
That's 
-That's why he's gone back to town.
You 
-You - You have the satisfaction of... breaking up our friendship at least.
You've always been unkind to us.
Always.
It's 
- It's not my fault.
It isn't.
Stop! 
Remember, step back.
That's it.
Go on, turn him, Larry.
Give him an answer.!
That's good of you, sir.
There ain't many city gents that'd give up their Saturdays.
Good night, sir.
Oh, good night, Mr. Hall, sir.
Children, Clive Durham is engaged to be married.
- How friendly of his mother to tell me.
- Who is she?
Lady Anne Woods.
You can read it for yourself later.
He met her in Greece.
"Lady Anne Woods, daughter of Sir H. Woods."
Oh, Mother, you got it wrong.
What Mrs. Durham wrote is "I will now tell you the name of the lady...
Anne Woods, daughter of Sir H. Woods."
Do you know her, Maurice?
Oh, yes.
- Mr. Chapman, Miss Hall.
- Thank you.
Ada.
Ada, I behaved badly to you after Clive's last visit.
He 
- He never said those things I let you think he said.
He never blamed you.
I don't care whether he did.
It doesn't signify.
I love Arthur now.
Chapman's... a good fellow.
For two people in love, to marry strikes me as very jolly.
I wish you happiness.
- Hello.
- Mr. Hall, please.
Hall. 
Hall. 
For you.
Argentine Northern Land, gone up again.
- Hmm. 
Up six.
- Hello.
Hello, Maurice.
You'll have heard my news.
- Yes, but you didn't write, so I didn't.
- Quite so.
The wedding's next month.
You'll be an usher?
- Best of luck.
- Anne's with me.
She wants to talk, too.
- I'm Anne Woods.
- My name's Hall.
Maurice Christopher Hall.
Mine's Anne Clare Wilbraham Woods.
But I can't think of anything to say.
You're the eighth friend of Clive's I've spoken to this morning like this.
- Eighth?
- Yes, the eighth.
I'll give Clive a turn. 
Good-bye.
Maurice, Anne has a hundred pounds in her pocket. 
Would you invest it for her?
- Certainly. 
What sort of thing?
- Whatever you fancy.
- I'm not supposed to fancy more than four percent.
- Barclay Perkins.
Brewing and distillers.
They're at five percent.
Or there's Argentine Northern Land.
They've gone up a sixth.
- Land investments. 
How about - 
- I like the last one best.
Very well.
Send the check here, would you?
Can't you come down to Pendersleigh next week?
It's short notice, I know, but later everything's gonna be chaotic.
I'm afraid I can't do that very well.
Hill's getting married, too.
Things are more or less busy here.
And after that, Chapman's marrying Ada.
Well, uh, come in September.
Not October, because that's almost certainly the by-election.
But come in September and see us through that awful Park versus Village cricket match.
All right.
You'd better write nearer the time.
All right.
Good-bye, then, Maurice.
Good-bye.
Good-bye.
I mean, I haven't even got a consulting room.
It's an illness too awfully intimate forJowitt.
You're the only doctor alive I dare tell.
A secret trouble, eh?
Yeah, right, well -
Excuse me, my dear.
Won't be a moment.
Come along, then.
No, no. 
Now take your time.
And remember, of course, that this is professional.
Nothing you say will ever reach your mother's ears.
It's about women.
Well, we'll soon fix that up.
Fix me, for God's sake.
I'm done for.
Now don't be afraid of me.
Now, when did you catch the beastly thing?
It's nothing as filthy as that.
In my own wrong way I've kept myself clean.
Oh, well, um - Let's have a look.
- Is that you in there, Dr. Barry?
- It's all right, Ettie.
I'm in here.
You're all right.
- What do you mean, sir, by "all right"?
- Well, what I say.
You're a clean man.
Nothing wrong with you down there.
You could marry tomorrow if you like.
If you'll take an old man's advice, you will.
So cover up now.
It's so-so drafty.
What put all this into your head?
You've never guessed.
I'm like Lord Risley.
I'm an unspeakable.
The Oscar Wilde sort.
Rubbish. 
Rubbish.
Dr. Barry, I can't have explained.
Now listen to me, Maurice.
Never let that evil hallucination- that temptation from the devil- occur to you again.
I mean, who put that lie into your head?
- You, whom I see and know to be a decent fellow.
- Dr. Barry, I want -
No, sir, I'll not discuss!
The worst thing I could do for you is to discuss.
It's not rubbish to me.
Rubbish!
I've been like this ever since I can remember... without knowing why.
Am I diseased?
If I am, I want to be cured.
Find yourself a pretty young woman.
She'll soon cure you.
It's unspeakable.
Come. 
Dress yourself.
Oh, yes. 
I'm sorry.
Of course.
Ettie, whiskey.
Mine!
Sir.
Bull's-eye. 
One less bunny wunny for Durham to lose sleep over.
What? 
Oh, buck up, man.
Corpore sano.
Look out! 
Mine!
Damn!
Will you gentlemen wish to continue shooting?
The mist's coming down.
I suppose he thinks it's our fault.
Very well, Scudder.
We may as well pack it in.
You'll bring the game book up to the house.
Oh, cheer up, old man.
What has got into you?
Would you believe...
it's my birthday?
Good Lord, is it really?
I say, old man, many happy returns.
Durham never mentioned it at all.
Durham's far too busy canvassing.
Come on.
- Let's toast it in chiskey.
- That's more like it.
- Telegram arrived for you at midday, sir.
- Oh, thank you, Simcox.
There, you see?
Durham did remember your birthday.
- Shall we have that drink?
- Mm. 
Two large chiskeys, Simcox.
Very good, sir.
I think I may have to go to town with you tomorrow.
Hall, old fellow, what a pity.
You might have had more shooting.
- Nothing wrong, is there?
- No. 
Have business.
Happy birthday, sir.
- Hello. 
Did you have a good day shooting?
- Frightful.
It's awfully rude of Clive to have been here so little, but he's working so hard.
And I do think it'll be a good idea for the poor if he does get in, don't you?
He's their best friend, if only they knew it.
You can't worry too much about the poor.
One must give them a leg up, for the sake of the country... but they don't suffer as we should in their place.
I see we're in the hands of the right sort of stockbroker.
Oh, here's the Reverend Borenius.
He's joining us for dinner. 
Do you know him?
He's come to scold Clive about the tenants'housing.
Now, he would say that they want love.
- No doubt they do, but they won't get it.
- Mr. Hall.
I scold Clive for being cynical, but really, I think you're being horrible.
I get used to being horrible.
The poor get used to their slums.
After you've banged about a bit, you get used to your particular hole.
Everyone yaps at first.
I've had a telegram.
I've got to go back up to town tomorrow.
- Oh, no, not bad news I hope.
- No.
Well, in that case, it must be an amorous intrigue.
- Maurice has to go back to London tomorrow.
- What?
- Well, that's what he told me.
- But damn it, he's onlyjust arrived.
He had a telegram.
He's being awfully secretive.
He's being impossible.
What about the cricket?
I rather like him.
I have a private notion he's in love.
I think he has a little girl up in London.
Your hand, Pippa.
- Darling - 
- It's all right, Archie. 
I'll manage.
Mr. Borenius, your turn.
Oh. 
Forgive me.
The family ghost again.
There's the sweetest little hole in the ceiling. 
Clive, can't we leave it?
Well, we shall have to, but let's move the pianoforte... because I don't think it's going to stand much more.
How about a saucer?
Clive, how about a saucer?
Once the rain came through the ceiling of the club.
I rang the bell and the servant brought a saucer.
- I ring the bell and the servant brings me nothing.
- Hmm.
I knew this beastly present would come in useful.
Poor Pendersleigh.
Milly, bring a basin and a duster, and get one of the men to help shift the piano.
The rain's come through again.
We had to ring twice. 
Twice.
It's got right under the sounding board.
Can't make it sound any worse than it already does.
- Shall I place this lamp here?
- Ah, Scudder.
Shift the piano, would you, and, um, take up the carpet.
Tomorrow you'd better go up and attack that roof again.
Well, there we are, everybody.
Perhaps we'd better turn in, leave them to it.
Before we get carried away on the flood tide.
Pippa, tell Simcox to bring up my nightcap, will you?
The cellar will be awash by now.
Why is my house falling down?
Anne. 
Maurice, are you coming up?
A saucer would have done thejob.
How very kind of you.
Down. 
Down there a bit.
Little bit more.
More. 
Bit more.
Down. 
Down.
Someone will have to get up in the night, change the bowl.
As soon as my body developed... the obscene imaginings began.
I thought that some... individual curse had descended on me.
My schooling was pure enough.
A terrific scandal there before my arrival... meant that we were drilled all day... and policed all night.
I had little chance, therefore... to talk about such experiences with my school fellows.
I am the only son in my fam -
Oh, Maurice, I am glad.
Well, it's the greatest thing on earth.
Perhaps the only one.
Anne guessed as much.
Aren't women extraordinary?
Oh, Maurice, it's what I've always wished for you.
I know you have.
- You don't mind if I tell her? 
Only Anne, of course.
- Not a bit. 
Tell everyone.
You don't mind?
No.
I just wanted to show that...
I hadn't forgotten the past.
But I agree.
Let's not mention it again.
All right.
Aren't you glad it's all ended properly?
How properly?
Well, instead of that muddle last year.
With you.
Quits, and I'll go.
Come back here as soon as you can, won't you?
Whoo!
Clive?
I've been talking to Maurice.
You were right.
Told you he had something up his sleeve.
Make sure the tarpaulin covers the cover.
Pull it down.
I think he's after a tip.
Tell him to boil his head.
I offered him five shillings, but he wouldn't take it, damn cheek.
Best of luck.
I'm so glad you're not really horrible.
- Are you?
- Good-bye, dear Maurice.
Good-bye.
You gave him more, I suppose.
Five shillings not good enough?
You'll only take gold?
I'll take it.
- Clive.
- You're coming back very soon.
- Good luck.
- Thanks, old man.
Cheerio, old man.
- Archie, good-bye.
- Good-bye.
Thank you, Simcox.
- Good-bye.
- Bye, Maurice.
- Good-bye.
- See you soon.
- Bye, Maurice.
- Good-bye.
I do wish I knew the girl's name.
You're not quite off yet, I think.
No, I'm not.
I'm nearer off now.
Hmm.
How do you like my consulting room?
- It's a nice room.
- Not too dark.
Rather dark.
You can see the picture on the wall ahead of you?
Come nearer...
Mr. Hall.
Take care of that crack in the carpet, though.
How broad is the crack?
You can jump it.
Admirable.
Now, what do you suppose this picture is of?
Whom is it of?
It is...
Miss Edna May.
I want to go home to my mother.
Miss Edna May is beautiful.
She is attractive.
- She's not attractive to me.
- What an ungallant remark.
Oh...
Mr. Hall...
look at her lovely hair.
I like short hair best.
Why?
Because -
Because-
Did it get anywhere near?
You're open to suggestion.
I made you see a picture on the bare wall.
I'd 
- I'd like another appointment.
Telephone me in two weeks.
In the meantime, uh, take exercise in moderation.
A little tennis, stroll around with a gun.
Go back to the country.
It 
- It seems rather foolish to make that journey twice in one day.
Hale fellow!
Good Lord.
You did rush back. 
What a shame.
We're just off electioneering overnight.
I'm sorry. 
I 
- I had no idea.
But I understood distinctly from you that all your servants had been confirmed.
I thought so.
I did think so, Mr. Borenius.
The trouble is, Mrs. Durham, that even if the bishop can be prevailed upon...
I have not time to prepare him before he sails.
- Mr. Hall.
- Ah, Mr. Hall.
Simcox informed us that you'd returned.
You're in time for dinner.
Did you have a successful trip?
That remains to be seen.
Ah.
Dinner jacket's enough tonight.
I'm afraid we're only three.
Pardon me, sir. 
Um, will the gentleman be shooting tomorrow?
I don't think so.
Obviously not, it's the cricket match.
I'm sure, sir, I'm very sorry if I failed to give you and Mr. London full satisfaction, sir.
That's all right, Scudder.
Glad to see you down again so soon, sir.
That's all right, Scudder.
The way that Scudder sprang his notice on Clive.
His brother has found him a job in the Argentine.
His brother has got him the fare, so offhe goes.
Excuse me, sir.
The underkeeper wonders whether you have orders.
I saw him before dinner, Simcox.
Nothing, thanks.
Tomorrow's the match.
I did tell him.
He wonders whether the gentleman wished to bathe between innings, sir.
He's just bailed out the boat.
If that's Scudder, will you tell him I'll come and speak to him directly?
Very good, sir.
Good night, sir.
Oh. 
Scudder.
Good night.
- They tell me you're emigrating.
- That's my idea, sir.
Well, good luck to you.
Thank you, sir.
Seems rather strange.
- The Argentine, I understand.
- That's right, sir.
Have you ever visited it yourself, sir?
No. 
No. 
England for me.
- Night, sir.
- Good night.
I'm off, then.
An easy start tomorrow.
Only Mr. Hall's pleasure to wait upon.
Mr. Hall's a gentleman.
Was that you calling to me, sir?
I know, sir.
It's all right. 
I know, sir.
Come on. 
Lie down.
Sir, the church has struck.
You'll have to release m-
Maurice.
I'm Maurice.
There's the cricket pitch I have to help roll for the match, and the young birds, too.
The boat's done.
Mr. London dived "splack" into the water lilies.
They told me that all young gentlemen learn to dive. 
Well, I never learned to.
It seems more natural-like not to let your head get under the water.
I call that drowning before your day.
I was taught I'd be ill if I didn't get my hair wet.
Well, you was taught what wasn't the case.
Alec... did you ever dream you had a friend, someone to last your whole life?
Nice day, sir.
- Nice day for the match.
- Hmm?
Ah, he moved that ladder away at last, I see.
About time.
Now, sir... what will you wear, I wonder?
Will you put your cricketing flannels on straightaway?
All right.
Oh, sir... in, uh, Mr. Durham's absence... the servants feel... we should be so honored if you would captain us for the match.
I'm no cricketer, Simcox.
Who's your best bat?
We have none better than the under gamekeeper, sir.
Scudder, sir.
Well, then make Scudder captain.
Hmm.
Pity, sir.
Things always go better with a gentleman captain.
Tell him to put me to field deep.
And I won't bat first.
Bat eighth if he likes. 
You might tell him, as I shan't be down till it's time.
Very good, sir.
Oh, dear, sir.
Mud on the carpet.
I'll send someone up.
Very good, sir.
The captain's put himself in to bat first.
Clive Durham would never have done that.
Little points interest me.
He's our best man, apparently.
I've an instinct the man's conceited.
He's lasted very well.
He's playing more carefully this year.
- Run!
- Run hard, Roger.!
- Throw it to the bowler's end.
- They're going two.
How is he?
That's me.
Man in.
- Go for it.
- Go on, chase it.
Jolly well done.!
Marvelous.!
Well done.
- After it, Graham!
- Chase hard.
Get it in hard.
Quick, they're going three.
- Come on.
- Chase hard.
I do begin to see what you mean.
Well, with a haircut.
Go chase it, boy.
Wonderful.!
Keep it up.